"Come on, charlie." "Go tinkle-winkle." "Make the poo-poo for the mama." "No no?" "All right, I'll tell you what" "Five bucks for a number one, 10 bucks for a number two." "All right?" "Uh uh uh, excuse me, what are you doing?" "Playing a video game." "That's how kids" "From our generation entertain themselves." "Charlie is watching her favorite show." "It's the only way we can get her to sit on the potty." "Charlie has to watch "the gurgles"" "In order to do her business?" "Yes, "the gurgles" help charlie" "The same way that the sports section helps your dad." "Look at this garbage" "Brightly colored singing and dancing shapes." "Would you guys just go upstairs?" "If she isn't potty-trained by tomorrow, she won't get into the good preschool." " Come on!" " But then we're gonna have to unhook the game system" "Down here and rehook it up there." "We already walked all the way down here." "Are we supposed to rewalk all the way up there?" "You know, we wouldn't have this problem if we had a tv in our room." "Okay, for the millionth time, I am not buying a tv for your room." "Fine." "Let's go, p.J." "Ooh, hold on." "The circle and the square are fighting over a grape." "I want to see how this turns out." "¶ today's all burnt toast ¶" "¶ running late, and dad says ¶" "¶ has anybody seen my left shoe?" "¶" "¶ I close my eyes, take a bite ¶" "¶ grab a ride, laugh out loud ¶" "¶ there it is up on the roof ¶" "¶ I've been there, I've survived ¶" "¶ so just take my advice ¶" "¶ hang in there, baby ¶" "¶ things are crazy ¶" "¶ but I know your future's bright ¶" "¶ hang in there, baby ¶" "¶ there's no maybe ¶" "¶ everything turns out all right ¶" "¶ your life is up and down ¶" "¶ but trust me, it comes back around ¶" "¶ you're gonna love who you turn out to be ¶" "¶ hang in there, baby. ¶" "Hey." "Hey hey." "Hey, mr." "Duncan." "Hey, ivy." "You spending the night?" "Yeah, our house is being fumigated." "Oh." "I guess your parents didn't know" "That my company bob's bugs be gone" "Also does fumigations." "No, they knew that." "Oh, well, you know," "It's too bad they didn't call." "I could have given them a big discount." "They knew that too." "Oh." "Okay." "No biggie." "What was that about?" "Who knows?" "It's your fault for saying, "hey, mr." "Duncan."" "So are you ready for the big news?" "Always." "Here goes." " There's a guy." " There's a guy?" "There's a guy!" " Super happy dance." " Okay." "¶ super super ¶" "¶ happy dance. ¶" "Happy!" "So who is he?" "He's that new guy in our government class-- raymond." "Oh, he's cute." "Wait, so when did you start talking to him?" "Well, we haven't actually talked yet." "We've been iming." "That led to texting." "Tonight he wants to step it all the way up to video chat." "I don't know if I'm ready." "All right, let's get you all cutied up for your video chat." "Um, if the bugs come back" "I mean, when the bugs come back," "This is my card." "You know what?" "I'm gonna get you a coupon." "You wait right there." "Now's our chance." "Go go go go!" "All right, there we go." "Brand new." "Brand new." "Look." "Look at that." "Now-- quack quack quack" "When you're a big girl," "This is where you're gonna go potty." "Now just make sure the toilet seat is down" "So you don't fall in." "And hopefully you'll only make that mistake once" "Well, unless you're p.J." "And then it's many many times." "You know," "I'm gonna let you in on a little secret." "Sometimes I come up here" "I don't even have to go." "Sometimes daddy just needs a little vacation." "Uh-oh." "So what do you think?" "I don't know." "Ivy, raymond will love you." "You look hot-- like, smoking hot." "Okay, now I see it." "Okay." "Now let's see how you look onscreen." "Uh..." "Pretty good." "Just tilt down a little." "I'm getting too much nostril." "Better." "Better." "Now let's see some shoulder." "Ah, perfect." "Now flutter your eyes." "Now don't do that." "Smile." "Less teeth." "More teeth." "Less teeth." "That's it." "That's it." "That's it." "Now don't move." "Look right in the camera" "And tell raymond what's on your mind." "I think I'm stuck." "Honey, I try never to ask you this after you exit the bathroom," "But what was that horrible sound I heard a few minutes ago?" "Charlie just threw some things in the toilet, clogged up the pipes." "So I just gotta dig a little hole in the backyard," "Clean out the main line." "Don't worry." "Everything is gonna be fine." "Should I call a plumber?" "Absolutely not." "I have got this all under control." "Where's charlie?" "I'll be right back." "As long as he looks scared, I've done my job." "Boys, would you turn down that tv in your room?" "Tv in your room?" "Oh, mama don't think so." "What is this?" "A free tv." " Ha ha!" " Isn't it awesome?" "It was just sitting on someone's lawn." "Yeah, there was a sign that said "please take,"" "So we took." "It's a little big for the room, don't you think?" "Yeah, it was at first, but then" "Gabe came up with the brilliant idea" "Of bunk desks." "Bunk desks." "Right right." "Where's your dresser?" " Under p.J.'s bed." " Yeah, at first I was concerned" "That getting a fresh pair of underpants every day was gonna be a little tricky." "But then I came up with a solution" "The underpants pillow." " Bam!" " Buh-bam!" "Every time I come in here I regret it." "Oh!" "Oh oh oh!" "Argh!" "Argh!" "uh-oh." "What happened?" "The power went out and the plumbing." "Well, how did that happen?" "Let's ask the soaking wet man with the pickaxe." "Hey, everybody." "Dad, when is the power coming back on?" "Yeah, I'm 15 minutes away from a video chat." "And if we're gonna potty-train charlie, she has to watch "the gurgles."" "Uh, first of all, I'm fine." "What?" "No, didn't get electrocuted." "Thanks for the concern." "What about the water?" "All right, I've already called the plumber and the electrician..." "All:" "Oh, there we go." "Okay." "...Who can't be here until tomorrow..." " What?" "Bob!" " ..." "Ish." "Come on." "Hey hey hey!" "We can survive one night without water and power." "Come on, it's gonna be fine." "I heard some kind of explosion and rushed right over" "To see if gabe was anywhere near the blast." "I'm right here, mrs." "Dabney," "Better than ever." "Are you sure?" "No internal injuries?" "My stomach is kind of upset." "Might be a touch of dabnerrhea." "All right." "Mrs. Dabney, you know," "We're gonna be without water and power for a while." "It sure would be helpful if we could use your bathroom" "Till ours is up and running." "I don't even let mr." "Dabney use my bathroom." "Okay, mrs." "Dabney, I know it's an imposition," "But the thing is we have a really important" "Preschool interview tomorrow morning" "And it sure would be nice if we could use your bathroom" "To freshen up beforehand." " Need to freshen up, huh?" " Yeah." "I hear the bus station has a real nice bathroom." "Have a good night now." "Gabriel duncan!" "Dabnerrhea?" "Yeah." "Up top." "Bob." "Hey." "Remember when you said we wouldn't need this?" "Who looks stupid now?" "Which question should I answer first?" "Any progress on the potty-training?" "Nope, without "the gurgles" charlie won't even sit on that potty," "And the interview is in 12 hours." "Oh, she'll get it." "That's the thing about us duncans" "We're clutch players." "I see the light's on." "I'm not sure anybody's home." "Where are the kids?" "Charlie's taking a nap." "Teddy and ivy are downstairs" "And the boys are in their room reading." "P.J. And gabe are reading?" "Yeah, it was their idea." "So they're reading-- voluntarily?" "Huh." "Let's roll." "Oh!" "Sorry, I should have warned you about that." "What is going on in here?" "Great news-- the power is back on." "Well, it is for us." "Where are you getting your power from?" "Hey, are you stealing electricity from mrs." "Dabney?" "Are we in trouble?" "What's taking those nachos so long?" "There really is a lot of stuff plugged in." "Are you sure this is safe?" "Ah, here's the problem." "We've got a loose connection." "Everything's under control." "P.J.:" "Huh, that's weird." "Mrs. Dabney's power is out too." "Oh look, here she comes." "You know, for an older gal, she moves pretty fast." "Nachos?" "Raymond will think I blew him off." "I probably lost him forever." "Now I'm gonna die sad and alone." "Ivy, you're not gonna die alone." "You can live with me and my husband" "In our pool house." "No offense, but that sounds awful." "Well, not for me." "I have a husband and a pool house." "You could just call raymond." "Mom, we can't do that." "Our cell phones are dead and we can't charge them." "Use the wall phone." "It works without electricity." "The wall what?" "The wall phone" "You know, the phone" "On the wall." "When did we get that?" "When we bought the house." "Just one problem" "Raymond's number is in my phone." "Well, if you know his last name," " Just look him up in the phonebook." " The phone what?" "Okay, now you can see what it was like" "To live life in the olden days," "Also known as the '90s." "Huh." "Here's raymond's number." " What?" " Yeah." "Okay." "Oh, it's right there." "Oh, right here?" "It's ringing." " I can't do this." " Ivy." " I'm just not ready." " Don't give it to me." "What am I supposed to--?" "Hello." "Raymond, hi." "Hi, it's teddy." "Ivy's best friend." "Yeah, I'm sure you've heard all about me." "Oh really?" "Not a thing?" "Anyways," "Sorry we missed the video chat." "There were some technical difficulties," "So I don't know if you and ivy are gonna be able to talk tonight," "Unless-- unless you want to come over." "Ivy loves the idea." "Ivy's at 358 edgewood." "Okay, bye." "He's on his way over." "What are you doing, t?" "I told you I wasn't ready." "But you like him." "He likes you." "Now get your booty in gear, girl, 'cause it's time to represent." "Huh-uh." "Don't go street on me, t." "It's just sad." "Ready for operation potty train?" " It's go time." " We hope." "Okay, p.J., let's hit it." "Okay, hey, charlie, you want to watch some tv?" " Yeah." " I bet your favorite show is on." "I bet-- yeah." "Amy:" "It's time to giggle" "With "the gurgles"!" "Bob:" "Hi there, kids." "Today is gonna be a super-duper day." "Why is that?" "Because we're gonna do the potty rap." "¶ hey there, kids, don't be naughty ¶" "¶ let's have fun and use our potty ¶" "¶ going to the potty can be so gnarly ¶" "¶ especially if you're a girl named charlie. ¶" "Oh gosh, mommy." "Well, that didn't work." "Actually it worked for me." "See ya." " Hi." " Hi." " I'm raymond." " Hi, I'm teddy." "Come on in." "Ivy, raymond's here." "It's kind of dark in here." "Yeah, we're having a power outage." "Could I offer you some chunky milk" "Or a glass of ice cream?" "Uh, I'm cool." "Can I use the bathroom?" "No." "The water's out too." "Oh, nice place." "I'm gonna see what's keeping ivy." "Just have a seat right there." "Ivy!" "Enjoying myself so far." "What's going on?" "What if I say something stupid?" "Then he won't like me." "Ivy, you say stupid stuff to me all the time" "And I still like you." "I'm serious, t." "This is the first guy I've ever really liked." "I don't want to mess it up." "Come on, you can do this." "I can't." "I just know if I look into those big brown eyes" "I'm gonna freeze." "So you don't want to see his eyes." "I can work with that." "Ivy will be right out." "Meanwhile, let's enjoy" "Some nice battery-powered music..." " kicking it old school" "Like they did back in the diz-ay." "Oh, teddy, right." "Ivy did mention you." "Okay, ivy, come on out." "Teddy:" "There she is." "Now raymond is right over there by the couch." "Hey, how is it going?" "Good." "Okay." "Raymond, doesn't ivy look nice?" "I can't see her." "Take my word for it." "Okay." "Ivy, you look good..." "Probably." "Thanks." "There you go." "This is good." "Okay, come on, guys." "You've got to keep it up." "We were on a nice roll there." "All right?" "Still just me talking." "Still just" "Guys, what's going on over there?" "Oh, okay." "Don't need any light for that." "I'll just-- I'll be in the kitchen." "Oh!" "Argh, that's my shin." "I'm okay." "I'm totally okay." "Don't worry." "Ow!" "Forehead too." "Okay, sweetheart." "Why don't you go over there" " And play with some toys, okay?" " Okay." "What is that smell?" "That would be me," "Because somebody said we didn't have enough time" "To stop off at the bus station to freshen up." " Oh, so it's my fault?" " My stink is your fault, yeah." "That makes a lot of sense." "Tonight when we're done here" "I'm gonna drop you off at the bus station." "You can stay there" " And freshen up all night long." " All night long?" "Sounds good to me." " Hi." " Sorry to keep you waiting." "I'm sondra." "Hi, I'm amy." "This is bob." "And this is charlie." "What--?" "Something wrong with your face?" "No, there's some kind of odor." "Oh, that's my husband." "Yeah, guilty as charged." "We're having some plumbing issues at our house and we weren't able to shower." "Yeah, that explains why I smell like a hobo." "Not that there's anything wrong with hobos." " No no no, some of my best friends are hobos." " Yeah." "Why don't we talk about charlie?" " Great idea." " Okay." "So how old is charlie?" "Already two." "Is she still napping?" "Most days in the afternoon, yes." "Is she potty-trained?" " Oh, of course." " Absolutely." "Yeah, potty train has left the station." "Absolutely." "Yes, sir." "Whoo-whoo!" "I'm sorry about that." "Charlie sweetheart, can you turn the tv off?" "That's okay." "The little ones sure love those "gurgles."" " It's her favorite show." " "gurgles."" "No-o-o!" "So the potty train hasn't left the station." "Whoo-whoo." "Well, charlie, looks like" "Before you spend any time in preschool" "You're gonna need to spend a little more time" "In pee school." "Sorry." "It was either that or new school-poo school," "And I decided to go classy, so..." "Watchit,youidiot." "Speaking of classy, sounds like your brothers are home." "Gabe:" "One, two, three." "What is that?" "80-inch big screen." "We found it in the alley." "We're gonna put it on top of the other one." "We're gonna make bunk tvs." "They'll be out of the house by the time you're my age." "And if not, then good luck, charlie." " House too small?" " Family too big?" "Then come on down to duncans' double decker furniture warehouse." "For all your stacked furniture needs." "Wouldn't it be great if your couch could seat eight?" "Got a full bladder?" "It doesn't matter." "Remember that's duncans double decker furniture warehouse." "Stacking furniture since 2011." "Charlie not included." "Subs straight from CC"