"Oh." "Hey, you guys." "Guess what part of my body I nicknamed Pink Floyd." "Shut up." "[ Chuckles ] Jackie thought it was cute." "Well,Jackie's not here anymore." "I was over atJackie's this morning." "She's so down." "It's really depressing." " She's taking the breakup pretty hard, huh?" "." " [DoorOpens ]" "Cool." "Shut up, man." "You cried like a baby." "Whoa!" "I did not cry." " I had something in my eye." " For a week?" "." "I have allergies, all right?" "." "[ Shouting ] Is it so wrong to feel?" "." "Anyway,Jackie's, like, in really bad shape." "So, Kelso, now thatyou and Jackie are no longer an item... um..." "I can ask her out, right?" "." "What?" "." "No-- Since when doyou likeJackie?" "." " Fez, I don't think that's a good idea." " Yeah, Fez, that's a bad idea." "Jackie's on the rebound right now." "Why don'tyou just give her a break?" "." "What?" "." "Since when do you likeJackie?" "." "All right, does everybody here now likeJackie?" "." "I still don't." "Thankyou, Eric." "Fez, Hyde's just saying thatJackie's reallyvulnerable right now." "Yes." "So I must move fast before she gets her self-esteem back." "Yeah." "Can't blame her for being down." "After all, I did dump her." "Actually, she dumped you." "Hey, I don't like to get into specifics." "Oh, go tell it on the mountain." "Nothing will stop me from askingJackie on a date." "Not even ninjas." "[ Out-Of-Sync Voice ] Stand back!" "I wantJackie, and no one will stop me." "[ Laughing ] You cannot haveJackie." "I will disableyou with my catlike swiftness." " Oh, yeah?" "." " Yeah." " Oh, yeah?" "." " Yeah!" "Oh." "[ Karate Yelps ]" "[ Ferocious Howling ]" "[Loud Crashing]" " Fez." " What?" "." "Go ahead, Fez." "AskJackie out." "She won't go 'causeyou're foreign, but go ahead and ask." "You're darn right I will." "[ Quiet Karate Yell ]" "Hangin'out" "Downthestreet" "Thesameoldthing" "Wedidlastweek" "Nota thingto do" "Buttalktoyou" "We'reallallright" "We'reallallright" "Hello, Wisconsin!" "No, Laurie, I am not giving you $1 5 for new hot rollers!" "Straight hair is not the end of the world." "Actually, Mom, Laurie's world is a lot smaller... and much more shallow than the average person's." "Come on, Mom!" "Curls are important for my self-esteem!" "Oh, you know what else might be good foryour self-esteem?" "." "Not being the village whore." "Areyou trying to start something with me, little boy?" "." "Because whileyou have to go to work... all I have to do is sit around and think up ways to hurtyou." "I don't know." "As village whore, I'd thinkyour day's full up." " Shut up!" " Ha!" "I win!" "You're both wrong, so can it!" "You're dead." "Ooh, I'm" " I'm so scared." "Kitty, remember that little French restaurant downtown?" "." "Frenchy's?" "." "The one and only." "I made reservations for tonight-- Forman, party oftwo." "Well, now, this is so spontaneous ofyou, Red." "You haven't been reading my Cosmo, have you?" "." "Come on, Kitty." "We'll get all dressed up." " You can even wear my mother's necklace." " Oh." "The necklace." "Yea!" " Come on, Eric." "We're gonna be late." " Bye, Mom." "Bye, honey." " [Sliding Door Closes ]" " Oh, this is awful." "Come on, Mom." "French food's not that bad." "Just order pommes firites." "They're French fries, you know?" "." "No, honey, the necklace." "I don't have it anymore." "Really?" "." "What'd you do with it?" "." "Nothing." "I said nothing." "Mom, did you gamble the necklace away?" "." " Okay, stop it, Laurie." "I'll makeyou get a job." " Bye." "[ Thinking ] Okay, Fez, askingJackie out is a big opportunity foryou... and ifshe says no, don't cry." "Just be witty and polite." "Stick to the script." "Most importantly is speak slowly and enunciate." "[Dialing]" "[ Rings ]" " Hello?" "." " "Hello,Jackie." "How areyou doing today?" "." ""I am fine." "Nice weather lately, huh?" "." "Would you like to go on a dinner with me tonight?"" "Okay." "Wait." "Who is this?" "." " It's me, Fez." " Oh." "Okay." "I just thought that sinceyou and Kelso are no longer dating" "How is Michael doing?" "." "Uh, fine, I guess." "Actually, he seems dumber." "Well, you know what?" "." "That's great 'cause I'm doing fine too." "Just fine." "Well, ifyou are fine, then I'm dandy." "You and me-- fine and dandy." "Did you hang up?" "." " No." " Okay." "Pickyou up at 8:00?" "." " Fine." " Dandy." "Okay." "I'm all ready, so let's go." "Wow." "You look great!" "You look sharpyourself, so let's go." "Hey." "Weren'tyou gonna wear my mother's necklace?" "." "Here it is." "Doesn't it look nice?" "." "I tuck it in so I won't lose it." "So, let's hit the road." "Well, you know, that didn't really look like the one she gaveyou." "Oh, sure, it does." "It looks just like it because it is it." "[ Laughing ] Now lookwho's getting old." "Doesn't even remember what necklace his mother gave me." "So let's move it out." "Boy, Laurie, you really liked that hot dog." "You didn't even chew it." "Hmm." "Oh, hey, Hyde, Father's Day is coming up." "Shouldn'tyou practice saying, "Hi." "Areyou my daddy?"" "Oh, by the way, Laurie, the Surgeon General called." "He wanted you to stop hoarding all the penicillin." "You know, when you're in prison, your bad table manners... will probablyjust be a turn-on for some guy named Tank." "Maybe when you're there for a conjugal visit... you can ask him to take it easy on me." "Oh, yeah?" "." "Well" "Nice hair!" "Oh, Laurie." "Areyou all out of put-downs?" "." "Yeah, I guess I'm having an off day." "Even Eric burned me." "Eric burned you?" "." "You are totally lame." "I know." "Isn't that pathetic?" "." "Eric!" "What about me?" "." "Speaking ofthe spindly armed devil." " What's so pathetic?" "." " Nothing." "At least nothing we can share with you, Gomer." "Oh, yeah?" "." "Well" " Nice hair." "What?" "." "So,Jackie, how is yourvery expensive dinner?" "." "It's great, and I'm not replacing Michael with food." "Areyou gonna finish that?" "." "Ah, that's okay." "You know, this restaurant is verywell known for theirvery expensive dinners... but foryou, it's" "Pass the butter." "Ah, the butter." "That reminds me of an amusing anecdote." "Um" " The other day, I was in the basement" " Was Michael there?" "." " Yeah." "Anyways" " He is such a jerk." "Yes." "Well, anyways, back to my amusing anecdote." "The other day, I was tying my shoe" "Mmm!" "Ask first!" "Mmm." "Fez, I'm so glad I came out with you tonight." " Really?" "." " Mmm." "I was starving." "So what happened?" "." "Did you kiss her?" "." "'Cause I'll kill you ifyou kissed her." "Oh, no, I didn't want to kiss her." "I wanted to give her a napkin." "There was not a moment when she did not have... a face full offood." "I was disgusted." "Really?" "." "Hey." "All's forgiven, buddy." "Okay, fine, Hyde." "You don't want to tell me what Laurie said about me?" "." "I'm fine with that." "I'm telling you, man." "She didn't say anything." "Uh-huh." "Right." "Because, I mean, that's what Laurie's known for-- not saying bitchy things." "Hey, Hyde." "What did Laurie say about Eric?" "." "I'll tell you later, man." "It's so bad." "Funny, but bad." " Yeah, you got nothing." " Huh?" "." "Yeah, I got nothing." "Okay, fine." "I don't care." "She told you about summer camp, right?" "." "Fine." "They called me Dr. Pee-Pee." "I couldn't sleep on the top bunk, and I was 1 0." "So... you know, who cares?" "." "I'm Dr. Pee-Pee." "I'm..." "Dr. Pee-Pee." "Dr. Pee-Pee!" "You are so Dr. Pee-Pee!" "Oh, really..." "Big Chief Brown Bottom?" "." "I'm sorry." "Sorry, man." "Sorry." "Just... everyone shut up." "Hey." "How was dinner?" "." "Fine, except your fatherwouldn't shut up about that stupid necklace." "Look, Kitty, obviously something's going on here... so why don'tyou just tell me what it is?" "." " Did you lose it?" "." " No." " Did you lend it to somebody?" "." " No." " Then what the hell happened?" "." " I hocked it, okay?" "." "I hocked it!" "I pawned it." "I hocked it." "You pawned my dead mother's necklace?" "." "Yes... and I'm not sorry 'cause we got groceries for it, so I'm not sorry." "I'm not sorry, and I don't feel bad." "Oh, Eric, I feel so bad." "Mom, you feel bad?" "." "Laurie told everyone about Dr. Pee-Pee." "Oh, honey, that's not so bad." "That's cute." "Oh, please, I have told that story to so many" "Mom!" "I didn't tell that story to anybody." "Then after I finished putting all my pictures of Michael in my special Michael box..." "I realized that I'm so totally over him." "You liar." "Look atyourself." "Ifyou keep stuffing your face like this, you're gonna get" "Don'tyou dare say it, you bitch." " Fat!" " No." "[ Whimpering ] No!" "No." "Yup, I've almost finished my fifth pie... and I'm still completely over Michael." "[ Dispassionately] No." "Stop." "Wait." "Mmm." "Blueberry!" "Hmm." "I'm feeling kind ofweird." "Oh, no!" "What's happening to me?" "." "Oh, my God!" "Oh, goodness!" "Oh, gracious!" "Oh, my!" "[ Squealing ]" "No more pie foryou." "[Panting] Oh, no" " Okay, let's go,Jackie." " Ay!" "No." "Aah!" "[ Grunting ]" "Suck it in,Jackie." "My, God, Donna." "I'm scared." "I have to control myself." "Then let's start byyou handing Donna the jerky." "Back off, you Amazon!" "Look, I just need more time." "Okay, you slapping my hand when I tried to take yourjerky... is something a fat girl would do." "[ Angry Gasp ]" "Okay, Laurie." "I know whatyou told Hyde." "What areyou talking about, loser?" "." "The camp story, Dr. Pee-Pee." "You're dead." " What's going on?" "." " Shh." "Pretend it's TV." "Okay." "I know some pretty horrible things aboutyou too, little lady." "Fellas, Laurie here waxes her lips, legs, eyebrows... toes and shoulder blades." "In the fifth grade, Eric sent away for the Charles Atlas kit... 'cause a girl kicked sand in his face." " You stuffed in high school." " So did you." "Lastyear, Laurie used all ofher birthday money... to buy a back massager... which isn't fooling anyone, by the way." "Well, that's not as bad as when I walked in on you... in bed with your Dorothy Hamill poster, and you were all" " Laurie was born with a tail!" " What?" "." "Yeah!" "Laurie was born with a tail!" "I hateyou!" "[DoorSlams ]" "It's true." "Okay, Red." "I'm very sorry I pawned that necklace." "That's okay." "I've been thinking about it, and it's no big deal." "Let's just let bygones be bygones." "What do you say, pretty lady?" "." "What'd you do?" "." "A few months ago, I pawned the pocket watch your dad gave me." "So we're even." "Let's just get on with our lives." "Oh, Red, how could you?" "." "Well, Kitty!" "Who the hell needs a damn pocket watch?" "." "What time is it?" "." "I don't know." "I'll check my pocket." " See what I mean?" "." "It's just stupid." " Oh, Red!" "I pawned the lawn mower and Eric's old phonograph player... and the snowblower." "We had a snowblower?" "." "Actually, it was Bob's." " Well, why'd you get so mad at me?" "." " I got mad at myself." "Look, it's the man's job to support the family... and ifhe can't do that, it's the man's job... to pawn the things to feed the family that he can't support!" "Okay." "Okay." "You know, Bob's been looking for that snowblower." "Yeah, I know, Kitty." "And believe you me..." "I'm running out of stories." "So what you're saying is is I slept with the devil?" "." "Exactly." "She told me it was a birthmark." "It is a birthmark... from where they cut off her tail at birth." "Guys, I'm actually starting to feel a little bad about this." "Yeah, it is not right to reveal other people's secrets." "I'm going to have to agree with Dr. Pee-Pee on this one." "Hello, boys." "And how areyou, Michael?" "." "Well, not so good." "I just got some very disturbing news." "Well, I hopeyou're very unhappy." " Fez, can I talk toyou?" "." " Yes." "Okay, Fez, I just want to thankyou for last night." "I know I wasn't my super-cute self, and I'm sorry." "Butyou're a really good friend." "But,Jackie, I was hoping that perhaps we could be more than friends." "Well, hope springs eternal, Fez." "How 'boutyou just keep worshipping me from afar... and stay available?" "." "Just in case." "You would do that for me?" "." "That's a sweet deal." " Should we kiss on it?" "." " Sure." " [ Chuckles ]" " Bye." "All right." "That's it." "You're a dead man." "[ Karate Yelps ]" "Sweet dreams, Dr. Pee-Pee." "Oh, yeah."