"Since 1970, the federal witness protection program has relocated thousands of witnesses... some criminal, some not... to neighborhoods all across the country." "Every one of those individuals shares a unique attribute, distinguishing them from the rest of the general population." "And that is-- somebody wants them dead." "And I'm always amazed when I see a smoking-hot babe with a guy that looks... well, a lot like you, sir." "I mean, I understand it from your point of view." "You're just trying to upgrade the ol' gene pool." "We're all trying to find the most attractive mate to breed with... it's called natural selection." "Hello, how are you?" "Bite me." "You see?" "It is a system that works." "Someone's not paying attention" "Ladies and gentlemen, our host, our owner, and the rudest son-of-a-bitch in the room, mr." "Billy cooper." "Hey, I don't care what you've heard." "Billy is not a mobster." "In fact, just the opposite." "His trash collection company keeps our fair city clean." "His cement plant builds roads, bridges, the occasional pair of shoes." "And generous." "Just this week instead of paying me in that filthy U.S.Currency, this beautiful man gave me a brand-new VCR right off the back of his very own truck." "Willie." "Sit down." "Yes, boss." "I am willie Ripp." "If you need a cheap betamax, I'll be at the bar." "You "murdelized" him." "Where's the agent... the black hook tour?" "What happened?" "Did I get it?" "Oh, yeah, I blew him off." "What?" "He smelled like english leather." "You know how I hate that." "Besides, their first show is Tuesday in Detroit." "Now, how are you gonna do that and Carson the same night?" "You hurt me, Sluggo." "Johnny Carson, Tuesday night." "Second spot." "Here's to America's hottest new Stand-up." "Oh, whatever I am, it is because of you." "That is awful." "America's hottest new Stand-up deserves much better." "Now, shh, you wait here." "I know where Cooper keeps the good stuff." "Okay." "I don't know, john, what can I say?" "I make people laugh." "Hey, Willie." "Great set tonight." "Hey, give me a sec." "I'm kind of in the middle of something here, all right?" "Okay?" "Too much gun." "Betamax." "That was good." "You'll clean up here?" "Oh, my God." "Go, go, go, go!" "Go, go, go, go!" "Morning." "You hear that, right?" "It's Peter again." "Are you gonna eat that?" "No, hey." "I save the top for a reason." "Why aren't you answering your phone?" "I don't know." "So we go on one date." "Does that mean he owns me?" "Am I now one of his many possessions?" "Have you talked to him since the date?" "Called to say, "thank you"?" "Anything?" "No, I thought maybe just a clean break was the best way to go." "Okay, look, I'm the last person in the world who thinks you owe someone sex just 'cause they buy you dinner." "But come on, the guy took you to the governor's ball, for christ's sake." "By your own account, treated you like a princess all night long." "So if you're not gonna break him off some, the least you can do is take his call." "Hi, Peter." "Here's Brandi." "Peter?" "So judging by the porcelain veneers, I'm guessing it's not Anasazi." "Not unless the anasazi use any 9-millimeter soft points." "So Brandi finally dates someone respectable and she wants to dump him?" "Respectable and rich." "Let's not forget rich is the best part." "Respectable and rich do not a relationship make." "True." "Nice ass doesn't hurt." "Didn't mean to say that out loud, actually." "Marshal service." "One moment, please." "I'll see if he's in." "Uh, for you, chief, a Detective Dershowitz." "A.B.Q.P.D." "I'll just take it here." "Why the hell is he calling you?" "Maybe because whatever it is is none of your goddamn business." "I suppose that could be it." "Morning, detective." "What can I do you for?" "Inspector mcqueen." "I found something that belongs to you." "First rule, don't contaminate the crime scene." "That's the part inside the yellow tape." "I knew letting you two come was a mistake." "Yeah, like we were going to miss a chance to see you out in the field." "How's it coming?" "Eh, slowly." "This ground is hard as cement." "Dug that up a couple of minutes ago." "Nice tie." "Eh, english." "Single piece." "Seven fold." "Rabson, William John." "Oh, jeez." "Take it you two are acquainted." "Real name was Willie Ripp." "My first witness." "Do we know where any of your other witnesses are?" "Maybe they did things differently back then." "All right, enough." "He was a comedian." "One of those aggressive types." "Pissed people off for a living." "Eyewitness in a big Boston murder case, bad guy named Billy Cooper." "Do you remember him going missing?" "Not really missing." "Walked away, as in... in the wind." "Memory serves, it was October '88." "What about this?" "Guess he must have lifted it off me." "Always thought I just lost it." "It was a huge pain in the ass at the time." "I'll bet." "Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help." "Actually, his file would be nice." "Anything you got, send it over." "The sooner the better, okay?" "Sure, I can do that for you." "All this cooperation!" "Me so happy." "Glad somebody is." "Hey, what kind of piece did you carry back then?" "A sig nine." "Now me not so happy." "Your first witness." "Just don't start, inspector." "I'm not, I'm not." "I just... wish I could have seen you in action 20 years ago." "Yeah, well, trust me..." "it wasn't pretty." "Okay, folks, this is the witness security memorandum of understanding." "And it, uh, sets up the, uh, agreement." "Lays out all the rules and regulations and... and the understanding between you, the witnesses, and us, the, um... the witness protection program." "Is that all clear?" "Um, yeah." "Absolutely." "Crystal clear." "The only thing that's clear is that I am supposed to be on carson tonight." "Do you know what that means?" "Willie, stop." "Inspector McQueen is trying to help us." "Help us?" "Help us what?" "Lose everything I've worked my whole life for?" "Thank you, pal." "Next time I need help flushing my dreams down the toilet, I'll know just who to call." "Actually Inspector McQueen is helping you stay alive." "This isn't living." "This is Albuquerque." "He doesn't mean that." "He's frustrated." "Yes, I do mean it." "No, no." "Sounds like Mr. Ripp was a piece of work." "That he was." "Why didn't you tell Dershowitz about the girlfriend?" "For one, he didn't ask." "For two, we don't offer up information about protected witnesses unless there's a compelling reason to do so." "So what happened to her?" "You might as well give it up, Stan." "She's like a dog with a bone." "Okay, fine." "After Willie took off, Gwen opted out." "That's it." "End of story." "We're done." "You just said she was protected." "If she opted out, she's not..." "Protected, not protected." "I don't talk about my witnesses, past, present, or future, unless there's a damn good reason." "You want to walk or ride?" "Check this out." "I think I just found out why Stan's so touchy about the Ripp case." "You mean, aside from the fact that his very first witness wound up murdered in the desert?" "Look, smart-ass." "I want to see." "Stan lost Ripp before he testified." "Blew the case." "A cardinal Witsec sin." "What are you people doing?" "Nothing, just..." "Find something useful to do or I'll find something for you." "Was he funny?" "No, he wasn't." "He wasn't funny at all." "Rabson." "You ever feel like you got the wrong last name?" "I don't feel like a Rabson." "Rabsons are rotund and sweaty." "Your name wouldn't happen to be Rabson, would it?" "Olivia!" "Willie's thirsty!" "How long has he been doing this?" "I don't know." "He's been going out every night and he wouldn't tell me where, so tonight, I just followed him." "Query, wench." "Do I look like a Rabson?" "No." "You look like a dick." "Bar wench, 1." "Comic, nothing." "I'm Willie Rabson." "I'll be here all week." "Try the veal." "This is not good." "I know." "Willie, what are you doing?" "I thought you understood..." "no comedy, no performing." "You called him, you bitch." "You sold me out!" "Easy, Willie, come on." "Easy." "Aren't you supposed to be protecting me?" "Willie, come on." "Really, Gwen." "You and manly Stanley?" "I mean, I understand, he's got that big gun and all." "Willie, pull yourself together, okay?" "Everybody's trying to keep you alive and you just..." "Don't lecture me." "Can't do this." "I can't not be who I am." "Oh, and by the way, pal, your hairline is retreating faster than the italian army, and she hates bald guys." "Actually, what I hate are whiny, selfish little boys who refuse to grow up." "Screw you, Gwen." "Willie." "Willie, just wait, will you..." "No." "No, no, no, no, no." "Let him go, let him go." "Will you wait a second?" "He'll come back." "He always does." "He just needs to cool off, and he needs to sober up." "And then he'll come back and he'll be all apologetic." "That's his shtick." "Okay." "So, uh... let's move you to a new motel, and I'll go track down willie." "God, he is such a baby." "Well, this is a really tough transition for him." "We're taking from him something he loves." "Yeah, like a crack pipe." "Don't worry, Gwen." "I'll find him." "We'll get him straightened out." "You're a lot nicer to him than he deserves." "Yeah, well, like I said, you know, um... giving up your dreams... walking away from something you love..." "it's not easy." "How come you don't have a girlfriend?" "Stan?" "Stan." "Chief." "What?" "Where the hell'd you just go?" "What are you talking about?" "Do you need something?" "That's Gwen?" "She was..." "Excuse me." "Don't shoot." "I'm friendly." "I brought tuna." "Thank you." "Do you need anything else?" "I didn't need anything in the first place." "Come on, Stan." "You're acting weird." "Look, I know you're not this twisted up over Ripp getting killed." "Not if he was the asshole you make him out to be." "So tell me what's going on." "It was a bad case to begin with." "Me having no idea what I was doing didn't help things any." "Was there something going on with you and the girl?" "Go back to work, inspector." "Stan." "And close the door on your way out." "All right, then." "Good talk." "We're out to lunch." "Come back later." "I got it." "Hey, what's up?" "Find any more of Stan's witnesses?" "Nope, nope, nope." "Just stopped by to pick up the Ripp file, which, uh, your chief said he'd get right over to me but didn't." "Ripp." "That is with, uh, two p's, right?" "Right." "Uh, inspectors, have either of you seen the, uh, Ripp file?" "With two P's." "I did not." "Mary, you seen the Ripp file?" "I believe Stan had it." "Pretty sure he sent it over to you." "Uh, no, but he was about to." "Could I get this copied for the detective?" "Coming right up, chief." "How's the case coming?" "Like dry ice." "Boston's turning up zilch." "At the time of the killing, Cooper was still in jail awaiting trial." "Now, obviously he could have reached out and touched someone, there's just no murder weapon." "Ran the 9-millimeter slugs through NCIC." "No hits, nothing." "Makes it almost impossible to reach back 20 years." "1988... ballistics that old probably aren't even in the system, right?" "If there is a match out there, it's probably buried in some evidence locker somewhere." "Yeah, well, if that's the case, then it might as well be buried in the Sahara." "No, not necessarily." "Detective Sershowitz, have you met my new assistant, Eleanor Prince?" "Not officially." "Pleased to meet you." "And you, detective." "Actually, I'm the new office administrator." "Oh, you have my deepest sympathy." "Clearly I committed war crimes in a past life." "Comedy stylings of dull and duller." "Anyway, when you're done riffing, would you mind sending over the ballistics, just for the hell of it?" "Eleanor does almost nothing around here." "It would give her a little project." "Yeah, sure." "I'll put a rush on it." "So let's make a list of all the crimes in the Boston area where a 9-mil was used, and that mentions Cooper or any of his known associates who are now suspects..." "No, I got it.I got it." "I have someone in Boston who can do the legwork." "Oh, and while you're up, I could use a cup of coffee." "Yeah, not a chance in hell." "Didn't think so." "That was our head of forensics." "They found more bones buried underneath Ripp." "Female, shot with the same 9." "Any ideas?" "The victim came in with his girlfriend, and you didn't think that gets a mention?" "Her info's in the file." "Sometimes these decisions about what and what not to disclose take a while to process." "Inspectors, would you please communicate to your chief that this is now a double homicide investigation with which he is directly connected?" "And from this point forward, I expect his full cooperation." "Dennis, I already told you nothing came up in NCIC." "That's why I called you." "This requires some digging." "Yes, actual physical searching." "Well, did I say it would be easy?" "Wait a second." "I got to go." "You don't mind, do you?" "Oh, no." "So we had a good time the other night, right?" "Yeah, it was fun." "Good." "'Cause I was starting to wonder when you weren't returning my calls..." "I was busy, all right?" "I have a life, you know." "I know." "Of course." "Good, so don't blame me because you're insecure." "Yeah." "I got it." "Sorry if I, uh, hit a nerve." "Hit a nerve?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Nothing." "You just seem irritated." "Maybe that's because I don't like being judged." "You're not my mother." "And I'm not an alcoholic." "What?" "Did I forget to rinse out my coffee cup?" "Please." "Coming here isn't easy for me." "But, God help me, you're the only one I could talk to." "All right." "Come in." "Thank you." "Oh, dear lord, I..." "I knew you were messy, but this is just..." "I will be so impressed if you came all this way at 10:00 just to take a cheap shot." "I mean, that takes some kind of game." "As you may know, I keep a strict accounting of all office supplies to insure against misuse." "Didn't know, but I'm not surprised." "Being organized is a good thing, mary." "Anyway, when I was rectifying the copy machine logs tonight..." "You're definitely screwing with me." "Mary, there's something wrong with the Ripp file." "Stan did something." "What?" "The original folder I gave him had 14 pages." "But when I copied it for the detective, there were only 13." "So you think Stan removed one of the pages before giving the file to Dershowitz?" "That is a highly restricted government file." "Technically, what Stan did is the same as withholding evidence." "Mary, he could go to prison." "Let's not jump to conclusions." "There was probably something sensitive to Witsec in there that he didn't want bobby to see." "Mary, you've seen the way he's been acting." "Something is wrong." "I better call marshall." "Holy crap, what's that?" "I don't know." "Oh, my God." "Is she all right?" "Yep." "Define "all right." Oh, no." "What'd you guys have for dinner?" "Roofies?" "I had the lamb." "She had two bottles of what I'm guessing was a lovely '98 duckhorn." "I am..." "I am really sorry." "I..." "I tried to rein her in." "That's okay." "Better men than you have tried and failed, including myself." "I can stay if you want." "No." "Thanks, that's okay." "I got this." "I guess I'd better go hose out my car." "Okay, we need to turn her on her side in case she gets sick again, so..." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "Too much." "This never happened." "Yeah." "Well, how far back did you go?" "I can't figure out what page he pulled." "Mmm, I know." "It all seems to be here." "Intake, MoU, location, case history..." "same crap we have today." "Maybe protocols were different 20 years ago?" "No, I said six years." "Come on." "Dennis, I need you to do this right." "City-wide, outlying suburbs all the way to worcester if necessary." "No, actually, that's..." "that's not a huge favor, Dennis." "A... a huge favor would be, oh, turning a blind eye to someone hacking into NSA files in order to save their sham of a marriage." "Right." "You say hi to Katie for me." "Still can't figure out what's missing?" "You know, there is another way to go here." "So Stan mcqueen." ""Little Jack," I used to call him." "Why is that?" "Because he's like a jack russell terrier." "Pound for pound, probably the toughest man I know." "Stan?" "Well, you know, he plays that shy, quiet thing pretty well, but you don't want to be the guy he's looking at when the switch flips." "I didn't even know he had a switch." "So what's this all about?" "Is Stan okay?" "Well, we don't know." "That's why we're here." "We're looking into an old case of his." "Thought maybe you could shed some light." "Let me guess." "Willie Ripp and Gwen Jones." "Yeah." "How'd you know?" "It wasn't hard to figure." "Most people, during the course of their careers, make their fair share of mistakes." "Stan..." "Stan seems to have gotten all of his out of the way on his very first case." "Especially since they both wound up buried in the desert." "Any thoughts on the subject?" "Where did they find them?" "How long had they been in the ground?" "North of tramway, west of the 25." "About 20 years." "And... and someone is looking at Stan for this?" "'Cause I can tell you right now, Stan McQueen..." "They found his badge in the hole with the bodies." "I don't care what they found." "Stan had nothing to do with this." "He didn't kill them." "I can tell you this, though." "Ripp..." "Ripp was an accident waiting to happen." "Besides violating every Witsec rule, he was cheating on Gwen from the minute they got into town." "With whom?" "With whomever." "And he wasn't particularly discreet about it." "Now, is there anything else I can tell you?" "Yeah." "Stan took a page out of Ripp's file before turning it over to the police." "Do you have any idea what it might have been?" "Put it away." "I can tell you exactly what he took out." "Good morning, chief." "How you feeling today?" "Oh, you know." "Yeah." "Better than yesterday, I suppose." "Where are my inspectors?" "Oh, I couldn't tell you." "They haven't, uh, invited me into their little club yet." "That makes two of us." "Don't you worry, 'cause you're doing great." "Detective." "I'm a senior detective with Albuquerque P.D." "Did you think I wasn't gonna find this?" "I was hoping you wouldn't." "I have extended every possible professional courtesy to you on this deal." "Your badge was buried with the vic, you don't tell me about the girlfriend, and now this?" "What the hell kind of excuse are you gonna come up with this time?" "Like I said, I was hoping you wouldn't find it." "God damn it." "What am I supposed to do with that?" "What would you do?" "Can I do anything, chief?" "Yeah." "Anyone needs me, tell 'em I'll be down at Albuquerque P.D. for a while." "Let's go." "Are you insane?" "You beat the crap out of Ripp the last night anyone sees him alive?" "In front of multiple witnesses, no less?" "Which, given all the other evidence pointing towards you, is bad enough." "Then you compound the problem by trying to bury the police report." "For christ sakes, Stan." "You're a gnat's ass from a major felony charge." "Come on, Stan." "Please!" "Not in a million years did I ever think I'd be telling this story." "So... for a while, things settled down." "Near as I could tell, Willie was following the rules, staying away from the comedy, but Willie... he was still Willie." "He was making Gwen miserable." "He was taking all his frustration out on her so... so... so she and I... we... we had a couple of lunches, just the two of us." "A couple." "Maybe it was four or five." "I don't know, mary." "But I was the only shoulder she had to cry on." "I tried to convince myself it was all professional." "I was doing my job." "Gwen was just my witness." "The truth of it is..." "Stan." "You have to tell us what happened." "Okay." "Okay." "So the night of the police report, I get a call." "And it's Gwen, and she's crying." "I'm sorry." "I needed to see you." "It's okay, it's okay." "Where's Willie?" "I don't know." "I don't care, really." "He was drinking a lot, said he needed a Ripp fix, and he blew out." "I didn't even try to stop him." "Okay." "It's all right." "I'll check the clubs." "He'll turn up, okay?" "No." "Just stay here with me, please." "Oh, Gwen." "I can't do this, Gwen." "Yes, you can." "You can." "You just have to let yourself." "Gwen, I got to get Willie." "I got to get him." "It's my job." "Oh, jeez." "Oh, jeez." "He did that?" "I'm okay." "When you're here, I'm okay." "Lock the door behind me." "Stan, please." "You stole her!" "Willie, stop it!" "You hit her?" "Huh?" "You low-life piece of garbage!" "You ever lay a hand on her again, I'll kill you." "Break it up." "This isn't over, asshole!" "You messed with the wrong person!" "I'm a U.S. marshal." "Let me go." "Soon as the cops get here, I'll let you go." "And he did." "Took down my name." "Gwen's name." "Willie's." "He, of course, was gone." "And the witness only saw the part of the fight where I was punching Ripp, telling him I was gonna kill him, all the good stuff." "Is that why you hid the report?" "I took the report out of the folder because it mentioned that Ripp had beaten Gwen up." "It gave her motive." "And you didn't want Bobby looking at her for the murder." "So you let him think you did it?" "Pretty noble gesture for a woman you haven't seen in 20 years." "At the time, I didn't know about..." "you know, second body." "You still haven't told us anything that's gonna help clear you." "What happened after the fight?" "After the fight." "That's good enough." "I have to find Willie." "Please, don't go." "Stay here with me." "I know you want to." "And I want you to." "I told you before, Gwen." "I can't." "I can't." "I have to do my job." "Quit your job." "You want me to quit the only thing I've ever wanted to do?" "That sounds like Willie." "You are nothing like him." "You're sweet, and you're kind." "And you don't have to act tough because you actually are." "And we could be so happy together." "I know we could." "Is this job really what you want?" "Giving fake lives to other people, no life of your own?" "Please, Stan." "I wouldn't ask if I really thought this would make you happy but I don't think it will." "Please." "Come away with me." "Please." "Okay." "Okay." "I crossed the line." "Blew it to smithereens." "I'd have been less surprised if you'd told us you were the shooter." "Looking back, I can't even believe that was me." "So obviously, you didn't quit." "What happened?" "You change your mind?" "No, actually, I..." "I tried to quit but my boss talked me into finishing the job right." "Said I needed to bring Willie in, that I wasn't the kind of person to leave a mess behind." "He was right." "He didn't mention that." "You talked to Malone?" "In the flesh." "Oh, Mary, what'd you do that for?" "Because if you go to jail, he becomes my boss and then I have to kill myself." "Thanks." "Appreciate that." "Not for nothing, but you as an employee aren't exactly a walk on the beach." "I could pretend that doesn't sting." "I take it you didn't find him." "I looked everywhere all night long." "Finally..." "I gave up, went back to the motel to get Gwen." "I mean, I don't know where we thought we were gonna go." "We were just... just gonna go." "So why didn't you?" "When I got back to the motel, she was gone." "Just a "signed dot-dot" card on the bed." "I guess Willie must have doubled back and convinced her to leave with him." "She had a thing for comedians." "Makes you wonder what else Malone forgot to mention." "I was thinking the same thing." "Okay, well, what about this '88 pat McCoy murdering, uh, Sudbury?" "Yes, I want you to go all the way out to Sudbury." "And, Dennis, this is as serious as it gets." "I am calling Sudbury to tell them you are on the way so do not even think about weaseling out." "Thank you." "No, ma'am, I'm not doing any special favors." "He's in custody." "I'm just running down a couple of other leads before officially placing him under arrest." "Yes, ma'am." "I understand." "Thank you." "You have other leads?" "Not a one." "This place hasn't changed a bit in ten years." "You have the same desks, same pukey paint job." "Can I help you with something?" "Yeah, uh, Detective Dershowitz, this is Chief Inspector Malone, retired." "Chief was Stan's boss at the time this all happened." "You can shed some light on this?" "Yeah, but it's not gonna make anybody happy." "Where's Stan?" "He's in the conference room." "You can see him after we talk." "We don't talk unless Stan's present." "You people are difficult, you know that?" "Chief." "How's it going?" "Eh, you know." "So I guess they told you about Ripp and Gwen, right?" "They did." "Only... the other body isn't Gwen." "It's not?" "Who is it?" "And how do you know?" "I know because I put her there." "Just hang on." "I'm gonna just put this outside for a minute." "I can't hold my liquor worth a damn anymore." "Anyway, the girl in the hole was a cocktail waitress at a place called the comic book." "Doesn't exist anymore." "You killed Ripp." "No, but I wish I had." "You got someone that couldmake a starbucks run?" "Willie Ripp called me from a rest stop." "Crazy." "Screaming." ""Stan stole my girl." "I'm gonna kill Stan." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." "I could tell he was drunk." "So I told him to stay where he was, I was gonna come and pick him up and straighten everything out." "Stan's badge must have fallen out of my pocket while I was digging." "How'd you wind up with my badge?" "So you covered up two murders for Gwen?" "No, not for her." "I'm sorry." "Keep going." "Please." "Well, after Stan got in the fight with Ripp, uh, he came to me." "He said he was quitting, and he was gonna take off with Gwen and live happily ever after." "What did you do?" "You were making a mistake, Stan." "You were her porting the storm." "Chief..." "What did you do?" "Well, I gave you that cockamamie pitch about bringing in the witness and finishing the job right." "I bought myself a few hours so I could go to the motel and move her out." "She didn't change her mind?" "Opt out?" "I relocated her." "I don't believe you." "She wanted out, chief." "She wanted..." "sh... she wanted me." "Well, I told her you were married." "You had a couple of kids at home, another on the way." "That she'd be destroying a whole family." "It wasn't real, Stan." "You were her rebound, her lifesaver." "I wasn't gonna let you toss away a promising career for that." "That's whereI found the badge." "Next to the bed." "Well..." "I told you this wasn't gonna make anybody happy." "The A.D.A. called and wants to know if your other leads panned out." "Tell her no." "Chief, you mind standing up for me?" "Come on, Bobby." "He didn't do this." "Officer Hanson, I know I do not have a badge." "You don't understand." "Exactly." "Could you just hold onfor a minute?" "I am with... here with Inspector Mann, Inspector Dhannon..." "I'm with her." "Please tell meyou got it." "See what happens when you say, "please"?" "Ballistics?" "We got a match?" "Yep, traced the gun back to one of Billy Cooper's thugs." "I have to admit, that was a revealing..." "You okay?" "Yeah." "All these years, I thought she just changed her mind." "He was trying to help you, Stan." "He told me to give you this." "It's her number." "You must be hungry." "Come on." "We'll take you for a bite." "Thanks." "I'm gonna pack it in." "I appreciate you guys." "I once dated a man who taught quantum physics." "I learned two things that night." "The first being... if you ask a quantum physicist to explain how gravity works... not what it is, not how it behaves, but how it works... he will first talk himself in circles, then wind up crying," "and finally sometime between entree and dessert, call you a bitch and leave." "Peter." "Saltines and gatorade." "I thought maybe your hangover could use a little expert help." "Thanks." "Oh, God, I don't even know what to say." "Say, "come in." I look like crap." "You look better than I would." "Uh, okay, um, do you want something to drink?" "I've got gatorade." "I'd rather just talk." "We only went out twice." "There's no break-up talk necessary." "I didn't come here to break up with you." "I came to ask you out again." "What?" "Do you not remember last night?" "Because I sure don't, and I still know that it wasn't good." "I mean, seriously, dude." "Are..." "are you that desperate for a date?" "No." "I just like you." "Why?" "I lied to you." "I got drunk in front of you." "I'm pretty sure that I ruined your glove box." "Because you have a good heart." "And you're smart and funny and I just..." "I just think that..." "What?" "Look, before I got sober, my life was a series of self-implosions." "Every time I got with in sight of something I really wanted," "I'd throw a land mine in my own path to make sure I never achieved it." "And I just think that you need someone to help you avoid your own landmines." "To help you believe you deserve some of those things you really want." "Oh, and you think that you're one of those things that I really want, Mr. Conceited?" "Why wouldn't I be?" "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm quite a catch." "So unless you tell me that you truly don't want to see me anymore," "I think we should go out again next weekend." "Okay." "But don't try and get me drunk." "The second revelation came as I sat at the bar pondering the cantilevered relationship between bartender's gut and lower extremities." "And this is important, so pay attention." "Before the big bang, before time itself, before matter, energy, velocity, there existed a single immeasurable state called ********" "This is the special force that on the day before there were days obliterated nothing into everything." "It is the unseen stringstying planets to stars." "It's the maddening want we feel from first breath to last light."