"What do you think?" "Five-button Dolce too edgy or just right?" "You shooting a pilot or serving food?" "Don't give me a hard time today, Turtle, please!" "So big day all around." "Everyone excited?" " What are you doing?" " Can't you tell?" " Channelling Joey Ramone." " Joey didn't play guitar." "That's Johnny, who I'd be perfect for." "Do a little brother-brother piece." "They weren't really related." " Like anyone believes they are." " What the fuck?" " I told you I got a big day." "I don't need this!" " Easy, Drama, I'm just playing!" "Play with someone without a monologue." "What's the matter, Johnny?" "Nervous?" "I haven't had a real part in a long time, and..." "I got this big monologue to do." " Maybe you should take a Xanax." " No Xanax." "You can't act on Xanax." "You can't act when you're having a panic attack either." "Why would you say panic attack?" "I haven't had a panic attack since '95." " I don't need that shit in my head!" " Relax, Drama." "You're going to kill it." "You know what I do when I'm anxious?" " No, what?" " I whack off." "Yeah, that's great." "I'm gonna whack off." "I'm serious." "Will you trust me?" "A good tug takes away all your anxiety." "Yeah, so does a good laugh." "Thanks, man." "I'm outta here." " Knock 'em dead." " Good luck." " Thanks, guys." " I'm gonna roll too." "Heading to Paramount with Bob and Ari." "First meeting." "Sure you shouldn't be there?" "Ari said don't show." "And I'm taking Turtle shopping." " For what?" " Kicks they're dropping at Undefeated." "With my Saigon money burning a hole in my pocket, I may just have to buy them all." "Good investment strategy, Turtle." "See you guys." " Go get 'em, E." " This could be a big one." "Ah, the Boy Wonder." " Can you smell it?" " Smell what?" "Napalm." "Love the smell of napalm in the morning." "It smells like victory." " Glad you're confident." "Where's Bob?" " You were gonna call him." "You said you were." " I did?" " Yeah, you did." "But you didn't, which is why I did." "Eric, you did not." "Tell me you did not call Bob." "We have enough problems with the studio." "I don't need this old fuck keeling over in the middle." " It's his project." " So he doesn't need to be here." " What?" " He's protected." "We get him wet with Vince, I guarantee they will fuck us." "Blow our load with Bob, we might not get our balls tickled." "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but you're making me uncomfortable." "Did he mug Liberace on the way over here?" " Be nice." " Hey, Bob." "Did you try to screw me out of this meeting?" "Are you kidding?" "Simple miscommunication." " Let's not have another one." " I promise." " Remember who found this project." " And where." "Under your pillow." "Without me, they wouldn't have uncovered it until your estate sale." "This thing is hot." "I can feel it." "I'm looking forward to this meeting." " Me too, Bob." " Think Dawnie will be there?" "Dawnie who?" " Dawn Steele, the head of the studio." " Bob, Dawn Steele died nine years ago." "Oh, my God, you're right." "I went to her funeral." "Jeez..." "All these people are in line for sneakers?" "Yeah." "Some of them camped out all night." " For sneakers?" " These ain't just sneakers." " These are limited edition Fukijamas." " Fuki-what-as?" "Vince." "You know sometimes you're so cultureless." "Fukijama is one of the most famous graffiti artists in the world." "Every year Nike commissions him to do a drop." "200 pairs this year." "After that, he destroys the pattern and they're never made again." " So they're holding a pair for you?" " Nah, they refused." "But it's an unwritten law in America." "Bring a movie star, go to the front of the line." "Are you nuts?" "These people will kill us if we cut." " They'll be thrilled to get a glimpse." " I'm not cutting." "Way to be a man of the people, Aquaman." " These are limited..." " Back of the line." "You're lucky I'm even willing to wait." "Hi, I'm Johnny Chase." "Where do I check in?" "Let me see." "We got you..." " Drama!" " Jesus, Ed!" " You OK?" " Yeah, you just startled me a bit." "Cool, cool." "Good to see you." "Jesus, your hands feel like you just got out of the lap pool." "A little nervous?" "Nervous?" "Me?" "No, no, I'm not nervous." "I feel great." "You're gonna feel even greater in a second because I just beefed up your monologue." " You added to my monologue?" " Just a couple of paragraphs." "Just think." "Three minutes, your face, and a lens." " Every actor's fantasy, right?" " Great." "Great." " I'm a little nervous." " It's all good, Bob." "Just relax." "It's been a long time since I had a meeting with so much on the line." " So what are you thinking for strategy, Ari?" " I'm thinking that I talk and you guys listen." "Well, I'm a little more personable than you are." "What if I lead things off with a joke or a trick?" "I brought a deck of cards." "You brought cards." "He brought cards." " I don't think we need cards, Bob." " Nah." "I'm not comfortable just not talking, so what then?" "Why don't you play solitaire?" "You know what?" "I don't like your attitude." " Gentlemen." " There he is." "How are you, Brad?" "Bradley!" "Bob Ryan." "Nice to meet you." "I'm the producer, in case you had to guess." "Of course, yeah." "It's a pleasure." "Come in." " You need anything to drink?" "Anything?" " I'd love a cup of Sanka." "Sanka?" "Get him a Sanka." "I hope you brought your chequebook, you're gonna want to buy this one in the room." "Great, tell me about it." " How do I get there?" " Where?" " I want to get there." " Have a seat." "Let him through, Ari, Jesus!" "OK, fellas, let's get going here." " We're excited about this." " What if I was to tell you that you could make this for nothing, win an Oscar, and gross $100 million?" "Is that something you'd be interested in?" "I think I would, Bob." " Thanks." " Hey, thanks, homes." " No problem, man." " Vince Chase, over here!" "Come on." "You got enough." " Just a couple more." " Hey, guys, thanks." " Thanks for your patience." " We got no shot here, Vin, no shot." "Don't worry." "I'm feeling good about it." "Yo, Turtle, check it out, man." "Last set of 9s." "I'm a 10, dickhead." "Little-ass feet." "Still feeling good?" "Yeah, I am." "But I don't get it." "If this was so important, why didn't you get up and stand on line?" "Cos I had you." "You're a "roll out of bed late and still get the kicks" card." "If you stop the negativity, I will get them." " How?" " Will you stop with the negativity?" " Yes." " Then I will get them." "Yo, listen up!" "The Fuks are done." "We're sold out." " How, Vince, how?" " I'm calling Tracy at Nike." "She's got nothing to do with this." "These are limited." " The only way was if we cut the fucking line!" " All right, I get it." "Yo, Santa Monica has a few pairs left." "Better hurry." " Come on, Turtle, let's hit it." " You want to race all these people?" "If we have to." "We are getting you the sneakers." "I love the positivity, but it won't happen." " All right." "You know what?" "Let's not even try." " Fuck that." "We're definitely trying." "You are not a pussy." "You are not a pussy." "We're ready for you." "And I'm ready for you, baby." "There he is!" "I'm gonna kill this, man." "I want to talk to you about the blocking, though." "What blocking?" "The script says I'm sitting at a table." "I came up with a great shot." "We're gonna do the whole thing on the move." "I'm doing my monologue on the move?" "Just like life, walking and talking." "It's gonna be beautiful." "It's a long speech." "The guys at the network don't think we can do it but I told them we got the guy that can." "Johnny, where are you going?" "I left the iron on in my trailer." "You are not a pussy." " I think that went very well." " Very well?" "You lost him at Sanka." "The man said, and I'm quoting, "This is not for us."" "They didn't want a biopic." "I have never been turned down in the room before." "It didn't sound like a turn-down to me." "It sounded like he needed to hear a little more." "He couldn't hear anything because you wouldn't stop talking." "What did you expect?" "You had no plan." "I had a plan for you to shut the fuck up." " I don't like how he's speaking." " Don't speak like that." "If I told you I had a 22-inch cock, is it something you'd be interested in?" " Jesus fucking Christ." " Are you mocking?" "Why would I?" "Everyone knows the best way to close a deal is to pull a quarter out of the president's ear." "Ari, it's no one's fault." "It just wasn't for them." "E, they have no idea what's for them." "That's what I do." "I sell." "It's not your project to sell, Ari." "Vince is my client." "Without Vince, it's just chopped up trees with words on them." "You sanctimonious piece of crap, I put years into this script." " Relax." " It's my score and he denigrates." "He has no respect." "I have 50 years in this business!" "Time was when I'd walk into the Derby they'd kick Coppola out on his ass to get me a table!" " Time was there was no sound in movies, Bob." " Ari, let me handle this." "I hear you, and I promise you're going to get everything you want when we set this up." "But Ari does this every day, so what do you say on the next one we let him do his thing?" "OK." "But for you, because you're a nice boy with kind eyes." "Thanks, Bob." "OK, Ari, it's your show." "You call the plays and I'll provide the colour." "No." "No fucking colour." "Tell him no colour, E." "Let's skip the colour." "If things go badly, then maybe you step in." "OK, I'll step in when it's appropriate." " So where to next?" " Disney." "Remember Disney, Bob?" " Yes, I remember." " Big ears, little mouse?" "I screen tested Cybill Shepherd there." "Tons of talent, no underpants." "How about that?" "E, roll with me, we'll save some gas." "I'll drop you off." "OK." "You want to roll with us, Bob?" " In that Nazi sled?" "I don't think so." " All right, well, I'll see you over there." "Ah, good." "It's ringing." "Finally." "Don't matter." "They won't hold 'em, even for celebs." "I'm just telling you how the system works." "Undefeated, Santa Monica." "Hi, how are you?" "I'm Vince Chase." "I'm an actor." "You mean Aquaman?" " Yeah." " Wow, what's up?" "Well, I'm kind of desperate for a size 10 pair of the Fukiyamas." "Fukijamas, Vince." "Fukijamas." "He knows what I'm talking about." " I've only got one 11." " You want 'em?" " Is he gonna hold 'em?" " Do you want 'em?" "If he holds 'em I'll wear three pairs of socks!" "I'm on my way down there." "Will you hold them for me?" "Actually, I'd love to, but we're not allowed to hold these for anyone, even celebrities." "It would really mean a lot to me." "I knew they wouldn't hold them." " $1500 cash in your pocket when I arrive." " There you go." "Vince, I can't take your money, man." "But if this is really you, my sister, man, she's a huge fan of yours." "If you were to show up at her birthday party, take a few pictures with her friends, it would be like you were family." "I could never say no to family." " These shoes are cool?" " The coolest." "Fine, you got a deal." "Nice!" "But you still gotta hurry, cos if people find these hidden back here," " they're gonna tear me alive." " All right, thanks." " We in?" " Say I have juice." "Go ahead, come on." " Say it." " You have juice, Vince." "All right, good, hurry up." "Santa Monica." "We're doing 75 on Olympic." "What do you want me to do?" " I thought we were going to Disney." " No, Universal." "You told Bob Disney, Ari." "Did I?" "What are you, fucking eight years old?" "Unreal." "Ari Gold to see Jacqueline Stone." " There you go." " Thank you." " Sir, what's that name again?" " Ryan, Bob Ryan." "R-Y-A-N." " I'm here to see the president of the studio." " I don't have a drive-on for a Bob Ryan." "You can use the phone over there and call the president's office." "Who's the president again?" "He's not answering, Ari." "He can't hear it." "Why don't you get a direct line to his hearing aid?" "I'm not going in without him." " Be reasonable, E." " Blow me." "That's not very nice." "Jacqueline's ready for you." "We're waiting for a third." "Can we push it back a few minutes?" "I can ask, but she leaves for New York in 25 minutes." " Let's go, E." " Fine." "To put your phone on vibrate for your first meeting, press one!" "Ari, what a pleasure." " Sorry." " Come right on in." " Hi, how are you?" " It's nice to meet you." "Yo, Drama, let's go, bro." "Dude, you in there?" "You are not a pussy." "Yo, Drama, what the fuck, man?" "You are a pussy." "Look at you." "You make me sick." "Suck it up, you little bitch!" "Yo, Drama!" "You're murdering my whole fucking day here." "What are you gonna do?" "Jesus fuckin'..." "Two minutes, Eddie, and I'll be all good." "Does anybody know what he's doing in there?" "I do." "His mic's still on." "Oh, yeah..." "Oh, baby..." "Jesus Christ." "Beano, you gotta hear this." "Forget about it." "He's rubbing one out." "Unbelievable." "Oh, yeah, look at you..." " Fuck!" " What?" " I think that's DJ AM's car." " So?" " Sneakerhead, size 11." "Not good." "Just chill." "Tell me you're going a size up nowadays, AM." "No dice, Turtle." "Sorry, man." "What's up, Vince?" "Trying to get my boy some sneaks." "What's up?" "I was doing better before you negotiated." "Know what I had to do to get these?" "Not only do I have to spin this kid's birthday party, I gotta have it in my club." "Look, Turtle's desperate for those shoes." "Anything I can do?" "Sorry." "No dice." "I've been waiting on these since Christmas." " I knew about them in November." " You got me there." "But I got these." "Later, Vince." "Late." "Come on, man." "Sorry." "I didn't actually think that was you on the phone." "Besides, that cat's gonna pay for my sister's party." "That's more important than your word?" "Come on, homey, you know how it is in this crazy world of ours." " No rules apply." " What a nightmare." "Come on, let's go." "I'm sorry." "Come on, I'm sorry." "I hate it when you're mad at me." "First I lose my rapper, then I lose my limiteds." "I'm not mad, Vin, I'm just sad." "I'm really, really sad." "Did I tell you or did I tell you?" "I'm like motherfucking Caesar." " I came, I saw, I conquered!" " I admit you were fucking awesome." " Did I take care of Bob?" " Call and tell him." "I'm going to get a bidding war started." " Paramount passed." " Before they found out Universal didn't pass." "It's like high school." "You can't fuck the prom queen till she finds out her best friend jerked you off under the bleachers." "No answer." "He must be miserable." "The more miserable he is, the bigger the upswing when he gets the news." "That's great, Ari." "Nobody went up there and told you nothing." "It's not the same any more." "It's different now." "It's not just happening over there, not just over there." "It's happening here." "It's happening everywhere." "All three of them went, boom-boom-boom, one after the next." "He's good." "I'm not just gonna stand around and let that happen to nobody, not in my town." "Not in any of my five towns." "Johnny, that was perfect." "That was great." "Guys, keep rolling, zoom in." "Want to grab a couple of reaction shots." "Reaction shots?" "Yeah, can you give me one where you're... you're angry?" "OK, angry." "All right." "Nice." "Let's get one where you're just like a little bit sad." "Sad?" "All right, good, good." "Let's do one more where, um... you're kind of a little bit embarrassed." "Embarrassed?" "Why would I be embarrassed?" "You poured your heart and soul out to this guy." "You don't know if he was listening." "You don't know if he gives a shit." "I don't know that I'm feeling embarrassed about that." "When you went to your trailer?" "You had your mic on when you were whacking' it." "All right?" "The entire crew heard you." "Got it." "Great." "Guys, that's a wrap." "Johnny, great job." "The guy's a genius." "He'll do whatever he's got to do to get it on film." "You were right." "Your method works." "Next time anxiety rears its ugly head," " I'm just gonna beat it back down." " Glad you had a great day." " Thanks." " Mine sucked." "I don't care how much it costs." "OK, cool." "Bye." " Who are you whispering sweet nothings to?" " Start filling out your W-2." "You're going to work." "Universal's in." "Paramount have to match it or better." " I'm gonna be Joey Ramone?" " It's a question of for how much." " Nice!" "Good work!" " Glad to see you all had good days." "He didn't get his sneakers." "But I got him the best weed in LA to make up for it." "I don't want to smoke." "It'll make me cry." " Come on." "Let's go." " All right." " So is Bob excited?" " That's a whole other story." " Totally uncool of Ari." " And Bob won't call me back." "Hey, guys, I feel bad for Bob and all, but I've got my own career going on finally." " Yeah, and?" " I'm concerned about where the fuck we are." "Relax, we're cool." "Turtle, pull over here." " You gotta be kidding me." " Christ." "All right, Turtle." "Go ask for Jimmy and give him this." " What is it?" " Emergency fund." "Go." " No one's with me?" " Nope." "What's going on?" "I feel like Sonny Corleone at the toll booth." "Have I ever put you in harm's way?" " No." " Then go, Turtle, go." "'Sup, fellas?" " Is Jimmy around?" " He's inside." "Inside?" "All right." "I'll walk you in." " You Turtle?" " Yeah, you Jimmy?" "I hear you like my sneakers." "Holy shit!" "Wait, you're Fukijama?" " You don't live in Japan?" " Born and raised in Glendale, my man." "I'm sorry the new kicks went so quick, but I made you an even more limited edition." "Only one... of one." "Holy..." "Can I..." " 5,000?" " A little bit more." " For sneakers?" " 5,250." " A little bit more." " Jesus." "For sneakers?" "You need mental help." "They're not just sneakers." "They're wearable art." "Besides, the joy that Turtle's feeling is worth every penny." "5,500." "A little bit more." "Christ." " Yeah, Ari?" " E, I have Ari and Bob for you." "Ari, here's E and Bob." "Bob, you have E and Ari." "Shut the fuck up." "Bob, you there?" " We got great news." " You're all taken care of." "Oh, you bet I am, Ari, because nobody fucks Bob but Bob." "Ari is so sorry." "Ari, tell him." " I am sorry, Bob." " And you got everything you wanted." "You're right, Eric, I did, cos after I got tossed off the Disney lot" "I went around the block to see my friend Alan at Warner's." "Man, does he hate young Vincent." " Tell me you didn't do something stupid." " Stupid, Ari?" "What if I was to tell you that I sold the picture to my friend Alan?" "Is that something you'd be interested in?" " Bob, let's talk about this." " Hold on." "Bob?" "I've talked enough." "Bob, let's talk about this." "Lloyd!" "Get Bob back!" "What's going on?" "Bob just sold the project to Warner's." " That's not good." " No, it's not." "You ready?" "How sweet are these?" "What's going on?" "Nothing, I just spent 20 grand on sneakers and I don't have a job." "English"