"Watch your step." "All Pulsar Four mining personnel report to the resource expedition office, level seven." "Not on a four-hour layover." "Operator." "Can I help you?" "Phone home." "Phone home." "Please deposit $6 million for the first 3 minutes." "All lunar passengers, please check with Passenger Processing, level three." "That's us." "Can Scraps sit with us, Dad?" "We'll check, Jimmy." "The moon's a long way." " Can I help you folks?" " Thanks." "Is that your puppy, son?" "Yeah." "Scraps is going to the moon with us." "No dogs are allowed on the shuttle." "I'm afraid Scraps will have to be shot." "He shot him!" "He shot Scraps!" "Just joking!" "Blanks." "See?" "Scraps is fine." "I says, "Whenever you're in town, call me"." "Dinner in first class will be bean sprouts and broccoli." "Fine." " Chanting or non-chanting?" " Chanting, please." "Don't worry about the Viatex account." "We have a buy-or-sell option." " Watch their legal people, Bob." " Will do." "And Bob... feed the cats." "Will do." "I'm sorry, ma'am, you're only allowed one carry-on." "All right." "Bye-bye." "Thank you." "For the best computer officer on the lunar mission." "Simon, you shouldn't have!" "I guess I'm a pretty lucky woman." "Women and the space program have come far, but after the wedding, no more complicated computers for my girl." "They've offered me a chance to head the computer division." "You'll head up the baby division for Mr and Mrs Simon Kurtz." "That's an order, Lieutenant." "Where's the passenger processing lounge for the lunar shuttle?" "Concourse lounge "C", fourth level." " Thanks." " Next." "How long is my parking valid?" " Two hours." " Thank you." " What's the fastest animal on earth?" " The cheetah." "Next?" " Should I fake my orgasms?" " Yes." "Thank you." "This is mission control." "We have clearance on two-niner for shuttle pre-launch checks." "You are clear to descend to 15,000 and hold until further notice." "A high-pressure front's moving over Denver." "56 in the valley, 72 at the beaches." "The Supremes hit the top of the charts with this really big one, Baby Love." "I have a collect call for Michael Reese from his mother." "This is only part of our mission control." "Right here we have re-entry for all Earth-orbit ships." "That's handled by the computers and simulated by these video units." "Now if you'll step this way..." "Phoenix 6, you're programmed on R two-niner and computer locked." "Computer lock acknowledged." "Over and out." "Well, gentlemen, looks like it's out of our hands now." " Janet, they need you in control." " Right." "Shit!" "Commissioner, we both know that shuttle needs another month of pre-launch testing." "Forget it, Bud." " But Commissioner..." " I said forget it." "Mayflower is the first lunar shuttle flying from a commercial terminal, and the boys on the board want her on schedule!" "What do they know about safety?" "The boys on the board are under heavy pressure from the boys downtown." "I'll be the one they crucify if that shuttle screws up." "Not so fast." "Frisk her!" "These navigational charts seem OK." "I don't think there'll be any problem." "Hey, why the long face?" "I'm still worried about the shuttle." "You saw Ted's report, and he is the program's top pilot." "Was the program's top test pilot until his mental breakdown." "Sweetheart, the opinion of a madman doesn't impress me or anyone else." "The trial proved that." "Ted Striker's part of your past." "It's for your own good." "Please, may I have this bedpan?" "I need it." "I'll bring it right back." "Please, Mr Goldberg!" "The company's doing pretty well." "The figures for the last quarter show a 40% increase." "Visiting hours are over." "Doctor, will my brother be able to come home to the farm soon?" "It's hard to say." "He still thinks he's an accountant." "You must believe me..." "invest in money markets!" "And how are we this evening, Ted?" "All right, I guess." "You can take off now." "We'll finish up tomorrow." "I thought you might like a paper." "Thanks." " My God!" " What's wrong?" "They're launching the XR-2300!" "Know what that is?" "The muffler bracket for a '79 Pinto?" "No." "That's the XR-2200." "The 2300 is the lunar shuttle." "It's got to be stopped!" "Don't you understand?" "They put me here to keep me out of the way." "The first step to mental hygiene is admitting you're sick." "Now listen, Ted." "Our only concern is your condition." "Your alpha scan reading seems to be levelling off." "Is that a good sign?" "It does the job." "I can't stand it!" "I refuse to pay $2,000 a day for a hospital bed, rotten food, horrible nurses, rotten doctors!" "What's his problem?" "The man's obviously crazy." "By the way, I spoke to Elaine this morning." "Elaine?" "Was she here?" "No." "She called and asked me to tell you that she's marrying Simon." "Tell me the whole story from the beginning." "After all, that's why I'm here." "There's really nothing to tell." "My story is no different than anyone else's story." "I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times." "It all started during the war." "I lost most of my squadron over Macho Grande." "Planes, too." "You're too low..." "After the war, I couldn't go near anything with a pair of wings." "Until fate dropped me in the seat of a 767 into Chicago with no crew." "It's funny how fate can make heroes out of cowards." "After that came the job offers, then the publicity then the crash and the trial." "Order!" "Order!" "Now this." "Well, there's more, but I'm sure you'd all be bored by it." "No, no, no." "Continue." "This is mission control, in "T" minus one hour, 43 minutes ground crew report to stations." "This is Mayflower 1, get me the sarge!" "Hey, Sarge!" "Hold up!" "Here it is." "Give me that radio." "Kruger, this is the sarge." "There's no way this wire passed inspection without Simon Kurtz' OK." "What the hell's going on?" "Patch up the damage." "Get that ship ready to fly." " That's an order, mister!" " You got it, mister, but you tell your boys on the board that this thing stinks of kickback." "You heard it, boys." "What do you say?" "Screw him!" "Ted Striker was right when he test-piloted that sucker, and what did he get for telling the truth?" "A one-way ticket to the funny farm!" "We don't have much time." "Let's move." "Thank you." "May I help you?" "Yes." "I'd like this Time and Newsweek and a Lifesaver and... the second time bomb on the right, please." "Certainly." " There." " Thank you." " Will there be anything else, sir?" " No." "Hi, Grandma Rudy!" "How good to see you!" "Just a few more hours to lift-off." "I'm very excited, Simon." " Guess this is a first for you." " No." "I've been excited before." "Ted, what are you doing here?" " Are you on that shuttle?" " Both of us." "When we return, we're getting married." "Elaine, it has to be stopped." "Ted, the invitations have already gone out." "No, the flight must be stopped." "Come on, sweetheart." "Simon, give me a moment with Ted alone." "All right." "You've got exactly 10 minutes till we board." "I'd watch my step if I were you." "Ted, this whole thing's all in your mind." "You should have never left the hospital." "Elaine, whatever happened to us?" "Ted, I guess I'll always love you, but I need Simon." "He's stable and a good provider, and I need that." "He doesn't run away from every challenge." "He doesn't let every little setback eat him up inside." "Now goodbye, Ted." "Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet your captain..." "Captain Oveur." "Gentlemen, welcome aboard." "Your navigator, Mr Unger and first officer, Mr Dunn." " Unger." " Oveur." " Oveur." " Dunn." "Gentlemen, let's get to work." "Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the air force?" "Not directly." "Technically, Dunn was under Oveur, and I was under Dunn." "So, Dunn, you were..." "under Oveur and over Unger." "That's right." "Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn." "See?" "Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn." "Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn." "Do you have any tickets for the shuttle?" "There haven't been any available seats for weeks now, sir." "What you want?" "I got pairs and singles!" "Check 'em out, y'all!" "400-dollar lunar shuttle tickets." "Smokin'... what you want?" "Lunar shuttle tickets - $400." "I got smoking', non-smokin', first class, coach, economy, by the aisle, by the window." "Take it easy, my man." "Lunar shuttle tickets!" "Hi." "Thank you." "Three of you to the left." " Hi." "Can I take your case?" " No." " Howdy, girl." " Hello." "Keep that thing moving." " How's it going?" " Everything's fine, Sarge." "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" "Ted Striker." "Jack, I got a bad feeling in my gut about this mission." "Number two checks." "What's happenin', bro?" "Atmosphere control OK." "Atmosphere control... check." " Antigravity check." " All right." " Checks out in positive mode, sir." " Check." " Checks out in negative mode, sir." " Check." "Neutral balance seems all right, sir." " Good." "That should do it." " Antigravity off, sir." "Hope this weather doesn't give us a problem." "Mr Dunn, what's your temperature reading?" "98.6, sir." "That sounds normal." "Sweetheart, you should have gone before we got on the plane." "Sir, you're in the wrong seat." "That's mine." "Elaine, wait." "Listen to me." "Why can't you just let me live my life?" "It's not just your life." "It's everyone on board this ship!" "We must stop this flight." "Ted, we're taking off." "Why don't you trust me any more?" "You're not the man you were." "You shouldn't have left the hospital." "Please, take your seat." "Well, it looks like that weather's starting to clear." "Satellite photos look clear over Wyoming and Connecticut." " We just heard from Detroit." " What about Reno and Buffalo?" "Clear, but check the New Jersey suburbs." "Mayflower 1 , you're clear on two-niner to taxi to launch position." "Roger." "Ready to taxi." "Over." ""T" minus 30 seconds and counting..." "Mark "T" minus 20 seconds." "Ignition." ""T" minus 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1 ..." "You have lift-off, Mayflower 1!" "Acknowledge." "Roger, Control." "This is Mayflower 1 - acknowledge lift-off." "We'll be serving breakfast in a few minutes." " Will all of you be eating?" " Yes, thanks." "Jimmy, when you're finished, you can come up front and see the cockpit." "Gee, that'll be neat." "I'm glad they let Scraps ride with us." "Scraps will love the moon." "Will things be much different on the moon?" "It'll be terrific - a whole new world, new kids to play with..." "So no more headlines about the rape trial?" "How many kids get a chance to live on another planet?" "No kids yelling, "Your old man's a psychopathic sex pervert"?" "So I made a mistake." "Anyway, she was asking for it." "They're all asking for it all the time!" "Dad never slaps me around at home." "It must be his coffee." "No." "I've been serving Dad decaf." "Maybe he's just an asshole." "You know, dear?" "This reminds me of the first train trip we ever took - out to your mother's house, remember?" "How could I forget?" "You were so nervous about meeting my mama." "And I declare, you were pacing the aisle all the way from St Louis to Sioux Falls." "And remember when we hopped in the family car and drove all the way to Woodstock?" "That was a time." "And you got that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks." "You kept telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ, and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly." " What a bummer." " No shit." "You look a little green." "Are you all right, young man?" "You know, some people get airsick, but I never do." "I must have an iron constitution." " I'm all right." " Good." "I guess what's really bothering me is my whole life." "I really can't figure where Elaine and I went wrong." "You know what it's like when two people share the same space." "Something happens." "Your vibes go out of synch." "I thought we shared a very special kind of love." "I'm not sure I know what love is any more." "I guess it all started at the trial." "They had to cover up for the crash, so they made me the scapegoat." "I had no one to turn to." "I'm sure you've had the same experience yourself." "I couldn't believe what was happening to me." "I think it's important we establish a few facts so these people can make a fair decision." "First, were you not the chief test pilot for the lunar shuttle XR-2300?" "Yes." "On the fifth of October this year, that shuttle crash-landed." "Were you not the pilot on that flight?" "Yes, but I wasn't..." "And, Mr Striker, is it not true that that crash was a direct result of your incompetence?" "No!" "The problem was with that ship, not with me." "The wiring was shorting out under high temperatures." "That thing was a flying deathtrap." "The fact is, gentlemen, nothing serious was wrong with that ship." "Ted Striker folded up on the approach." "That's a lie!" "Order!" "Order!" "On March 5, 1980, flight 209 into Chicago lost its crew in midair." "And on that fateful night, Ted Striker saved that plane." "I'd like to call one of the passengers from that flight, if it pleases the court." "Do you swear on the Constitution to tell the whole truth, and nothing but?" "I do." "Would you describe, in your own words, what happened that night?" "Mr. Striker performed exceptionally" "The passengers were very concerned" "The pilots were incapacitated" "So Mr. Striker took control" "And landed that plane safely" "Golly!" "I know I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for Mr Striker." "I find it difficult even now to think about that night over Chicago." "Please try, Mrs Hammen." "It's very important." "Well... we lost the crew... and... the food poisoning made us all very ill." "I lost control." "We all did." "And then... the bad weather..." "And the lightning..." "I've got to get out of here!" "Calm down!" "Get a hold of yourself!" "Stewardess, please, let me handle this." "I've got to get out!" "Calm down." "Now get back to your seat." "Calm down!" "Get a hold of yourself!" "Doctor, you're wanted on the phone." "Everything's going to be all right." "Now just calm down." "I've got to get out of here!" "This is very important!" "Let the court handle this!" "Will you please control yourself?" "Bailiff, Valium." "I flew with Striker during the war." "I'll never forget the night we bombed Macho Grande." "Striker was a squadron leader." "He brought us in low, but he couldn't handle it." "Buddy couldn't handle it." "Was Buddy in your crew?" "Buddy was the bombardier, but Striker couldn't handle it." " And he went to pieces." " Andy went to pieces?" "Andy was the navigator." "Buddy went to pieces." " It was awful, how he came unglued." " Howie came unglued?" "No, Howie was the best tail gunner in the outfit." "Buddy came unglued." " And he bailed out?" " No!" "Andy hung tough." "Buddy bailed." "How we survived was a miracle." "Then Howie survived." "No." "Afraid not." "We lost Howie the next day." "Over Macho Grande?" "No." "I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande." "Those wounds run... pretty deep." "Ted and I were very close once." "We had the kind of relationship where we laughed and laughed and laughed all the time." "Do you know what that's like?" "Yes." "Yes, I do." "Then things started to come apart." "He was obsessed with that shuttle." "He started to talk about it all the time, even at night in bed, and I guess that's when the real problems started." "Please elaborate." "Well... at first... sex between us was a wonderful experience - the way he touched me..." "He was so gentle." "He'd unbutton my blouse... and then... and then..." "We drifted apart." "I'm sorry." "I can't go on." "At the request of this court," "Mr Striker has undergone a psychiatric examination." "The court calls Dr Franklin Stone." "Can you give your impression of Mr Striker?" "I don't do impressions." "My training is in psychiatry." "Of course." "In your opinion, Doctor, was Ted Striker competent to fly the shuttle?" "The defendant suffers from chronic psychological stress and in a pressure situation can snap like that." " Like that?" " That's it." "He's a danger to himself and others, and needs treatment." "Mr Striker." "This court recommends that you be confined to an institution for treatment until such time as you are deemed fit to re-enter society." "But I was framed!" "I'm not guilty!" "That ship did have faulty wiring!" "Would you hold for a picture?" "I'm not guilty!" "A photo for the Daily News?" "Of course." "Thanks, counsellor." "Picture." "It's for Ted's own good, Elaine." "I thought I was right and they were wrong." "Now I'm not sure of anything any more." "There's more to the story, but you probably heard enough already." "I don't want to go on forever..." "Captain, I'm picking up an overheat in the computer core." " How serious is it, Mr Dunn?" " I can't tell, sir." "You can tell me." "I'm the captain." "I can't localize it, but it's definitely in the computer core." " Elaine, run a computer check." " Yes, sir." "Voice interface." "There's an overheat in the core." "Please analyse." "There is no apparent overheat." "Yes, there is, Rok." "We read a core overheat." "Repeat analysis." "Analysis confirmed." "All systems compute positive." "Well, not from where I'm sitting, they don't." "Look, Elaine, cut the "not where I'm sitting" shit." "It must be a human error." "Captain, I think we have a computer foul-up." " I see." " What do you recommend, Captain?" "Run it through the computer." " I already have!" " Good." "Just to be safe should I check the rear data banks?" " No." "You check the rear data banks." " Yes, sir." "Sir, you should put that case in the compartment above your head." " I'll keep it with me." " I'll help if you can't get it up." "I said I'll keep it with me." " Ted, please." " Elaine, listen..." " We can't do this." " We have to go back." "I understand." "We had something special, but it's over." " We can't go back." " This flight has to go back." "That wiring could blow any second." "The problem's in your mind, like always." " Then you do think I'm insane." " I'd never use that word." " What word would you use?" " The word is "sick", Ted." "Goodbye." "Sir, that overheat is getting worse." "I'd better get back into the core and check it out." " I'd rather you check it out." " Right..." "Sir, we're carrying emergency fuel back there." "You'd better go, too." "I'll fly the ship." " Be careful." " Yes, sir." "Captain, do you mind if Jimmy here takes a look around?" "Of course not, Mary." "Come on in, Jimmy." "Hi there." "Boy, there's a lot of neat stuff in here." "This is the nerve centre of the whole ship." "That's a cute puppy." "What's his name?" "Scraps." " Can I hold him once?" " Yeah." "Come on, Scraps." "I used to have a puppy like this when I was a kid." " You like to play ball with him?" " Yeah." "You like to have him fetch a stick?" "Yeah." "Of course you do." "Well, my goodness, Scraps is a boy, isn't he?" "Yeah." "Jimmy, do you like it when Scraps holds onto your leg and rubs up and down?" "God help us." "Look at this place." "Check the fuel drums, I'll do the computer." "Jimmy, did you ever wonder why dogs sniff each other?" "Well, Captain, everything A-OK?" "Yes, everything's fine." "Right, Jimmy?" "Yeah." "Everything's real neat up here." "That's strange." "What's strange, Captain?" "It's an asteroid field." "But there's nothing in this sector, unless..." " Unless what, Captain?" " Unless we're off course." " Captain Oveur, Dunn here." " Come in, Dunn." "Over." "There's been a fire here, sir." "We're going to have to disconnect the damaged systems." "Mr Unger is attempting a manual shutdown right now." "What are you doing, Dave?" "The computer has suffered some bad damage." "This is highly irregular." "Right." "Right." "I hope we can still control Rok's higher brain function, sir." "Do what's necessary." "I'll go to manual on all systems." "Yes, sir, we will." "Jesus!" "Hang on!" "I'll try to override Rok's circuit and shut the door from here!" "Holy shit!" " Did you see that?" " Excuse me?" "There's two crewmen out there." "Look." "I'm afraid there's nothing out there but empty space." "I swear I..." "The defendant suffers from chronic psychological stress and in a pressure situation can snap just like that." "Maybe they were right about me." "My God." "Maybe I am cracking up." "What's happening, Captain?" "We're off course and computer-locked." "That fire in Rok's core played havoc with the brain functions." "Mr Dunn and Mr Unger were sucked out an air lock." "Both together?" "Mr Dunn and Mr Unger were sucked out an air lock." "Don't panic." "Calm down, ladies." "Are there any other problems?" "Captain, we've run out of coffee." "Damn!" "I've told them a hundred times - store extra coffee!" "Captain, what should we do if the passengers start to panic?" "This is the way we'll play it " "Mary, you're here in case there's a full-cabin press." "Testa, cover Mary's weak side in case she gets double-teamed." "Right!" "Captain, I don't think we have any alternatives." "I see." "What do you think our alternatives are?" "To disconnect Rok's higher brain function without disturbing his regulatory system." "That computer has a self-defence mechanism." "You heard what happened to the others." "I know." "Sucked out." "Still, it's our only chance." "We could try it from here." "You get back and monitor the regulatory unit." " Right." "Good luck, Captain." " Don't worry about me." "Ladies and gentlemen, please calm down." "Please, listen to me." "I want to tell you what's going on with the ship." "Thank you." "We've been thrown off course just a tad." "What's a tad?" "Miss, what exactly is a tad?" "In space terms, that's about half a million miles." "That's interesting." "The bumps you feel are asteroids smashing into the hull of the ship." "Also, we're flying without a navigational system and can't seem to change course." "Miss, are you telling us absolutely everything?" "Not exactly." "We're also out of coffee." "Listen to me!" "Your crew is in complete control of the situation." "Trust me." "There's nothing to worry about!" "You're right." "They're off course and heading straight for the sun." "I've seen enough, Bob." "Get me Steve McCroskey, and fast." "McCroskey hasn't handled a tower since the strike." "Since Reagan fired the controllers, he's been completely senile." "Yeah, but what about McCroskey?" " Pretty much the same as Reagan." " I don't care." "Get him." "Father, I've led such a sinful life." "I'm married with two kids, and there were these girls at the company." "I got them pregnant, so I stole from the company to pay for the abortions..." "God bless you." "Thank you, Father." "I've always loved you, darling, but I have to tell you" "I was unfaithful to you, just once." "I understand, darling." "Remember Jill, my first secretary?" "Forgive me." "That's all right." "I knew about it all the time." "I was unfaithful, too." "I understand, darling." "Remember Susan, your last receptionist?" "I don't mean to sound forward." "I mean, I know I don't know you, but..." "I don't think we're going to live through this, and..." "I've... never... been with a man before." "I know this really isn't the place." "No, no." "I understand." "Who turned off the..." "What are you doing, Captain?" "This is highly irregular." " Get me some coffee, miss." " Yes, sir." "And a quart of Geritol and a ham on rye." "Welcome home, sir." "Here's the navigational charts, sir." "Get me radio contact with that ship." "Pronto." "Here's all the information on the sun." "That thing is hot!" "Get Bud Kruger immediately." "And some ice." "Yes, sir." "Jacobs." "I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now." "First the Earth cooled, and then the dinosaurs came." "But they got too big, so they died, and turned into oil." "Then the Arabs came and bought Mercedes Benzes." "Prince Charles started wearing Lady Di's clothes." "I couldn't believe it!" "He took her best summer dress, put it on..." "Things sure haven't changed." "Captain, I think we've got..." "Captain Oveur, what's wrong?" "What's wrong?" "What are you trying to say?" "One..." "One what?" "One word!" "First word?" "First syllable?" "Captain, I'm not very good at this." "10 words!" "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying." "What am I saying?" "Throat." "Throat." "Sounds like choke." "Choke." "You..." "Oh, my God!" "You were gassed by Rok?" "I got it!" "I got it!" "Simon, the Captain's been gassed by Rok." "Simon, we're way off course." "You're right, Elaine." "We are off course." " My God!" "The sun!" " What is it, Simon?" "The fiery ball in our solar system, but that's not important now." "We're headed right for it." "We've got to leave this ship." "That's foolish." "We have to change course." "We're computer-locked, and the manual navigational system is down." "Ted was right all along." "What will I do?" "My career will be ruined." "What about the careers of everyone on this ship?" "The lawyers, the architects, the dental hygienists?" "Forget about them." "We have to think of ourselves." "What happened to the man I thought I loved?" "I'm going to get Ted." "Don't come apart on me now." "I don't mean to sound forward - I mean, I know I don't know you, but I don't think that we're going to live through this." "And I've never been with a man before." "I know that this isn't the right place." "Until we get through, our hands are tied." "We need plans." "I'm busy right through Friday." " Stinson." " But how about lunch Saturday?" "Have you contacted the families of those on board?" "They're outside now, sir." "They're not too happy." "Try and calm them down." "For God's sake, be diplomatic." "Give them the lead!" "Ted, listen to me." "We've lost the crew, and Simon's turned to jelly." "Ted, we need you." "Elaine, you were right about me." "I folded up over Macho Grande, and I folded up on the test flight." "I crack under pressure just like they said." "You overcame your drinking problem." "I know you can overcome this." "It's no use, Elaine." "I just can't do it." "Ted, you were right about this ship." "I don't know how to say this, but maybe in this topsy-turvy world, they should take all the "sane" people and lock them up and let all the psychopaths out of the asylums to run the world." "No... on second thoughts, that's a bad idea." "What I'm trying to say is that I was wrong and I hope you forgive me, because we need you in that cockpit now more than ever." "There's some banged-up people back there." "I'll need some fresh sheets, gauze, and all the Vaseline you have." " Ted, please!" " Right now." " Are you the nurse?" " Yes." "Take this." "The washroom's just down there on the right." "I don't mean to sound forward." "I mean, I know I don't know you, but I don't think we're going to live through this, and I've never been with a man before." "I know this isn't the right place..." "Simon, I..." "This is mission control." "Do you read, Mayflower?" "This is the Mayflower." "Come in, anyone." "Now we're making some headway." "We read you, Mayflower." "Identify yourself." "Well, this is Elaine Dickenson." "I'm 5'8", 123 pounds..." "I have... brown hair, blue eyes." "I enjoy surfing, backgammon and men who aren't afraid to cry." "Would somebody tell me what a woman is doing in charge of that ship?" "Maybe she's got her ship together." "But he smells so bad..." " Can I sit here, mister?" " Yeah, sure." " Be careful with that." " I will." " Can I ask a question?" " What is it?" "It's an interrogative statement used to test knowledge." "But that's not important right now, mister." "Is my dog Scraps going to make it?" "I'm scared, mister." "Somebody has to do something." "Scraps is going to be fine, son." "You'll both be just fine." "Striker, you got to listen to me." "They forced me to cut corners." " Get out of my way!" " You gotta help me..." " Elaine." "You're all alone up here." " Yes, I am." " What's going on?" " There's no time to explain." " I was wrong about you." " We all make mistakes." " I'll never make that mistake again." " Forget about it." "We're not living in the past or the present any more." "This is the future." "Don't worry." "Everything's going to be OK." "I love you, Ted." "Here it is." "Elaine Dickenson, ship's computer officer." "Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickenson?" "I'm taller, a better dancer and much more fun to be with." "Ted, I have the feeling we've been through this exact thing before." "Except this time I know exactly what I'm doing." "You mean...?" "That's right." "We're at the mercy of that computer." "Then these things are totally useless." "Mayflower 1 calling mission control." "Do you read me?" "A man." "That's more like it. identify yourself and give me your position." "The name's Striker." "I'm sitting down and facing front." " Why would you want to know that?" " Striker?" "Striker!" " Ted Striker?" " That's right, McCroskey." "I may be in the cockpit, but there's not much I can do." "We're at the mercy of the computer." " McCroskey, do you read me?" " Striker?" " McCroskey!" " You're fading out." "Come in." " Damn!" "Lost them again." " Could be sunspots." "Or your detergent." "Striker flew that 767 into Chicago years ago without a crew." "Now, would somebody tell me what he's doing up there?" "The radio's gone dead." "Elaine, try the emergency phone." "Help us, please." "Thank you for calling the mission control emergency line." "All our operators are busy, so please stand by." " Ted, it's a recording." " Let me have that." "We said all our operators are busy, so please stand by!" "The boys downtown are taking heat from Washington." "The president will want an explanation." "Bud, let the boys in Washington handle the president." "Sorry to pull you out of bed." " Forget it." "I was reading." " What's the story?" "It's about an man who catches this fish, but that's not important now." "We've restored radio contract." "Good." "We keep losing their radio." "McCroskey, give it to me straight." "What's it look like?" "A radio?" "It's about so big, green, lots of knobs." "I mean the situation." "What do your people think?" "They're screwed." "They're dead." "Did I leave the iron on?" " Come in, Control." " We read you." "Come in." "McCroskey, I got to be straight with you." "I don't think I can regain control of this ship." "Striker, this is Steve McCroskey, chief controller." "Now, I want you to listen good." "A few years ago I helped a young pilot through a storm over Chicago." "He said he couldn't do it, too." "But when the going got tough, that kid pulled it together." "He made all the big papers and the Canadian Jewish News." "I don't know if that kid's still got it, but if he has, I know one thing... if he was there now, he'd find a way to turn that bucket around and get out of there, pronto!" "You gave the wrong speech." "I'm not your problem." "It's the ship." "The fire made the computer go berserk." "We've lost the crew, and we're en route to the sun." "Now here's what you do." "Stay calm, keep an eye on those gauges." "Things are going to heat up." "We'll figure out a way around the computer." "What are we going to do?" "We're going to have to blow the computer." "Blow Rok?" " That's right." " Ted, you can't do it." "What do you mean?" "It has a self-defence mechanism." "I can't get around it." "We've already lost three men." "I don't want to lose you, too." "Then I guess it's in God's hands now." "I'm Father O'Flanagan." "I'm a man of God." "And you must trust me when I say it's likely we're all going to die." "Our top story tonight, fire rages through downtown Buffalo." "Also in the news, lunar shuttle heads for the sun and certain disaster." "Our top story tonight, fire rages through downtown Tokyo." "Also in the news, American lunar mission locked in death struggle." "A fire in downtown Moscow clears way for a glorious new tractor factory." "And on the lighter side of the news, hundreds of capitalists are soon to perish in shuttle disaster." "If this country was run by vegetarian women rather than flesh-eating men, this whole space disaster would never have happened." "We're working to raise the consciousness of the vegetarian minorities with diet sensitivity training so that people will be able to deal..." "The key is their computer." "Until we put that ship on manual, there's nothing we can do." " Get me that computer program." " Yes, sir." " Who's in charge here?" " McCroskey, Control." " Hallick, Homicide." " Jacobs, Sagittarius." "We've got our own problems, so make it good." "A passenger has a bomb and is suicidal." "Good one." "His name is Joe Salucci." "He was flying to Des Moines for an operation for sexual impotence." " The Des Moines Institute?" " You know it?" "We're familiar with it." "Joe gave his wife this insurance policy then got on the shuttle." "Mrs Salucci thinks he's suicidal." "We had the boys in psychiatry do a profile on him." " Yeah, that looks pretty bad." " It's not his good side." "Now, blowing up a plane in space leaves no traces for investigators." "This is a $1-million policy." "Wait a minute." "This is auto insurance!" "That's why we're worried, gentlemen." "This clown's impotent, suicidal and incredibly stupid." "And that spells trouble in my book." "Trouble." "Stinson, get me those Mayflower plans." "You, clear that table in there." "I'll get the cards and the bridge bits." "And somebody get me the sarge." "The heat in this cockpit is getting unbearable." "You can fry an egg on this control panel." "I don't know what'll to happen to us, but I love you and I always will." "That might be the news we've been waiting for." " This is Mayflower 1." " Striker, I got news for you." "You got a passenger aboard named Joe Salucci." " He's carrying a bomb." " A bo..." "No, not a "bo", a bomb." "Do you hear me, Striker?" "What am I supposed to do now?" "Get that bomb." "I don't care how." "That's our top priority." "All the other problems can just wait." "As if we don't have enough problems already." "You'd better fasten your seat belt." "Sir, you'll have to put your cigarette out." " Which passenger is Joe Salucci?" " 16-C." "Why?" " He's carrying a bomb." " A bo...!" "No, not a "bo", a bomb." "Now, as discreetly as possible, move the passengers into the lounge." " We don't have a lounge." " That's not important now." " Get everyone away from that bomb." " What should I say?" "Anything." "Just don't let Salucci think we're on to him." "I'll do my best." "Attention, ladies and gentlemen, please." "Would everybody move to the lounge who is not carrying a bomb." "Don't move!" "Mr Salucci, they know about you back home." "Stay where you are!" "You don't want to kill all these innocent people." " I don't care about them." " Joe, listen to me." "It's hopeless." "No one's ever gotten away with a stunt like this before." "Joe, the insurance is worthless now." "I don't believe you." "Joe, you got to trust me." "No one will hurt you." "No one has to know about your problem." "No one has to know you're impotent." "Don't say that word!" "Scraps!" "Nice going, Striker!" "We're not out of the woods, but you got rid of that bomb." " Not exactly, McCroskey." " What do you mean?" " The bomb's here beside me." " There, beside you in the cockpit?" "Striker..." "What the hell are you doing up there?" "I got an idea that might just work." "It's a long shot." "I want to use the bomb to blow the computer." "Striker, you've got to be crazy to try a stunt like that." "Maybe, but it's the only chance we've got." "When that bomb blows, we'll lose our oxygen fast." "I'll have to get us out as quick as I can." " I'm taking her to 0.5 worp." " 0.5 worp?" "0.5 worp." "I test-piloted this shuttle." "I know exactly what it can do." "Striker, listen to me now and listen good." "That thing is bound to come apart at that speed, and that's no good." "It's got to be in one piece when you land." "You know that that worp drive has never been tested!" "You're putting yourself and everybody else on that ship in jeopardy!" " Over here!" " Contestant 38." "I'll take air shuttle disasters for 40." "The answer is... the Mayflower." "Ted, what are you going to do?" "Elaine, I'm going back there with the bomb." "You're my hero." "The bomb." "Be careful." "Listen good." "If you got any ideas, now is the time." "I want to hear them." "How about Hollywood Squares but with kids?" "Gary Coleman could host." " Simon just ejected." " Sit down, Elaine." "If this works, we might make it." " Simon was a fool to eject now." " You mean...?" "That's right." "Premature ejection." "Striker, listen and listen good." "You'll be on lunar radio range any second." "The next transmission that you receive will be from Buck Murdock at Alpha Beta Base." " Not BUCK Murdock?" " No." "Buck MURdock." "Who's Buck Murdock, Ted?" "A guy I flew with during the war." "He was with us that day I led the raid over Macho Grande." "And he's still alive?" "Striker, son..." "we're all betting on you." "5-1 they all die." "8-5 the women and children make it." "6-4 they lose the crew." "0.5 worp..." "God help them." "Nobody's ever travelled at that speed before." "Last spring, we did Europe in nine days." "Then we went to Bakersfield and Fresno." "No one goes to Fresno any more." "All communication lines are clear." "Ready to transfer to Buck Murdock at Alpha Beta." "Over." "Gentlemen..." "I don't find it easy to talk at a time like this, but I got to say something about that guy up there, and I can sum it all up in just one word... courage, dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle" "and..." "G-U-T-S." "Guts!" "Ted Striker's got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon!" "When we're ready, we'd like you to remove your eyeglasses and shoes and place your head between the knees." "Between your own knees, Father." "We've blown the computer." "Elaine, you'd better check the readout." "We're slowing down." " Set course change." " Set." "Compute." "Here goes." "Elaine, we hit 0.5 worp, and everything seems OK." "We've got gravity control back." "Sorry." "Elaine, you'd better brace yourself." "This is faster than man has ever travelled before." "In case some of you are wondering, we are travelling at half the speed of light." "Some of you might experience a temporary metabolic change, but there's nothing to worry about." "Thank you." " Commander Murdock." " What is it, Lieutenant?" "The Mayflower's in trouble." "She's coming in hotter than a firecracker." "Their computer's down." "They've lost their crew." "They're on manual." " We'd better get to the tower." " We have no tower." " No tower?" " Just a bridge, sir." "Why the hell aren't I notified about these things?" "Lieutenant..." "How would you handle this?" " We could try ignoring it." " I see." "Pretend nothing has happened and hope everything's all right in the morning." "Just a thought, sir." "I've considered that." "Must be a better angle..." "If they've lost their crew, who's in control of that bucket?" "Some guy by the name of Ted Striker, sir." "Ted Striker." " Do you know him?" " Never heard of him." "That's not exactly true." "We were like brothers." "We flew together during the war." "We were close, real close, until..." "Until, sir?" "Until that day over Macho Grande." "Over Macho Grande, sir?" "I'll never get over Macho Grande." "Forget it, Lieutenant." "It wasn't a pretty picture." "What have you found?" "These red lights keep moving back and forth." "Aside from that, this thing seems to have no function whatsoever." "It must have some function." "Why would the government put all that money into a thing with lights?" "Sir, these lights keep blinking out of sequence." "What should we do about it?" "Get them to blink in sequence." " Rorshack, what do you got?" " What do you make of these?" "That's a bird." "That's a horse with a hat on." "I pulled Striker's record." "I don't think you're going to like it." "It's worse than I thought." "They'll hit our atmosphere in three minutes." "How do you want to play it?" "I want a 6-foot trench dug around the base." "Fill it with gasoline." "Get women and children to the shelters." "Contact the Japanese ambassador." "Rorshack, get me a complete file on everyone who's seen "The Sound Of Music" more than four times." "On second thought, kill those orders." "Down scope." "Fate can play a strange game sometimes, Lieutenant." "Fate, sir?" "Striker wipes out his entire squadron over Macho Grande, and now those people's lives up there are in his hands." "I guess irony can be pretty ironic sometimes." "But it's his ship now." "He's the top dog, the big man, numero uno honcho, the head cheese." "I just hope he has the right stuff." "Up scope." "We have radio contact." "Yes, I'll take care of it right away." "We've had some problems with the ship." "If you're going to use the washroom, please be careful." "I've been on my feet all day." "I sure could use a little breather." "Striker, this is Buck Murdock." "Do you read me?" "I read you, Murdock." "Hope he's not still bitter about what happened between us." "If not for those people, I'd say let Striker go down in a fiery mass of molten metal." "Striker, let's just pray you don't screw up here like you did over Macho Grande, so just follow orders." "We've got you locked on beam." "Prepare to kill auxiliary engines." "Roger, Murdock." "All right, Striker, kill the auxiliary engines." "Ted, the lever!" "The lever just came off." "We're still at worp." "Try another lever." "There are no more levers, just switches." " No buttons?" " Just switches, lights and knobs." "Cut the bleeding-heart crap." "We've all got our switches, lights, and knobs to deal with, Striker." "Down here, there are hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights." "Blinking and beeping and flashing." "They're flashing and they're beeping." "I can't stand it any more!" "They're blinking and beeping..." "Sir!" "Sir, control yourself!" " Pull yourself together, sir!" " I'm all right." "All right, Striker." "You'll have to pull that lever panel off." "Do you understand?" "Just rip it off." "Elaine, screwdriver." "OK, the panel's off." "Find a piece of metal and shove it in." "A piece of metal?" "Any piece of metal will do." "I'd give anything to get some metal up there." "Here we are surrounded by metal, and it's useless." "Might as well write them off." "Let's close up the bridge." "Let's get outta here." "Close it up." "Lights out." "Where am I going to find a piece of metal here?" "In space?" "At this hour?" "Will this work, Ted?" "Thanks." "Hold it, Murdock." "I've got something that might work." " Wait." " A bobby pin." "What the hell's a man doing with a bobby pin?" "Lights on." "All right, Striker, if a bobby pin's all you got, it'll have to do." "Shove it in there and short that thing out." "Ted, it's working." "We're losing speed." "She feels like she's going to break up." " She's starting to shake." " Starting to shake." " She's starting to shimmy." " Starting to shimmy." "She's starting to..." "What?" "What's she starting to do?" "What's she starting to do?" " Shudder, Ted?" " She's starting to shudder." "Starting to shudder." " How bad is it?" " At least she's not cracking up." "She's beginning to crack up." "All right!" "Quiet!" "We're monitoring you." "Keep her nose up." "Don't fight her." "She's fighting me!" "Ted, there's Alpha Beta." "We're going to have to come in low to land." " Is that difficult, Ted?" " Sure, it's difficult." "Coming in low is part of every textbook approach." "It's just something you have to do when you land." "Striker, we don't have much time, but I'll say this... you pull this off, and a lot of people just might forget that Macho Grande ever happened." "We'll get her down and down safe." "Before we go any further, there's something important you should know." "Slow down!" "The base is straight ahead." "They've just hooked into a communications satellite, and as we speak, our transmissions are broadcast all over the world." "Billions of people are hanging on our every word." "The eyes, ears, noses and throats of every American are on you, each one of them hoping and praying that you could put that ship down in one piece." "Ted, we're not stopping." "Now, Striker, start by positioning your landing gear." "Lower your flaps." "Just keep her level." "There's no looking back." "Put on your horizon sensor and level her off." "Ted, we're going back up." "Elaine, you'd better get ready for this landing." "Keep up your stabilisers." "Don't lose control." "Now fire both jets and hang on with both hands." "Both hands, damn it!" "I'll say one thing, you bring down that flying hunk of junk, you're OK in my book." "Don't fight her, Striker." "Hold her up." "I hope you enjoyed your flight." "Fly Pan Universe again." "You gotta hit the centre of that strip or you're a dead duck." "Let's go home." "Yes, thank you for flying Pan Universe." "Have a nice stay." "Shift those turbo chargers." "Now check the sensors." "Deploy your secondary boosters." "Is there a courtesy phone around here?" "Hello." "We'd like you to have this flower." "We're with the Church of Lunar Consciousness." "We'd like you to have this flower." "Would you like to make a donation?" "You're almost home." "Hold her." "Stay with her, Striker." "It takes a soft touch." "Don't let her get away from you this time, Striker." "I don't know if this is a good time to ask, but could I get my briefcase back?" "Striker!" "You know what it's like to laugh like that?" "Yes." "Yes, I do." "What did he get?" "A one-way ticket to the funny farm." " Des Moines Institute?" " Then you know it." "We're familiar with it." "Just don't come apart on me now." "Jimmy, do you like it when Scraps holds your leg and rubs up and down?" "You were gassed by Rok?" "I got it!" "I got it!" "Your navigator Mr Unger." "First officer Mr Dunn." "Let's get to the tower." "We have no tower." "No tower?" "Just a bridge, sir." "Why the hell aren't I notified about these things?" "How would you handle this?" "I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now." "Well, first the Earth cooled." "Then the dinosaurs came, but they got fat and died and turned into oil." "Then the Arabs came and bought Mercedes Benzes." "Give the court your impression of Mr Striker." "I don't do impressions." "My training is in psychiatry." "Do you swear to tell the truth, so help you God?" "The second time bomb on your right." "Certainly." "That's exactly what they'll be expecting us to do." "ThE EnD"