"I want that car!" "Who's dumb enough to repossess it?" "Damn!" "They sure must love that car." "What do you think Burt reynolds would do at a time like this?" "Y'all hang on for a ripping good time." "Welcome to Hazzard County." "This is Bo Duke and Luke Duke." "They're cousins." "They fight the system." "General Lee was highly respected in Hazzard County." "Both the Confederate General and the Duke boys'race car." "The first was a great leader... and so was the second, on the dirt track circuit." "If we can't top 37 seconds... there ain't no reason to enter that race Saturday." "We could've topped 30 seconds... if we hadn't had to go through that obstacle course you built." "Have you ever seen a race where there wasn't oil... or rain, or sand on the track by Lap 8?" "Sure." "Or, but not all three at once." "If something can go wrong, you can be doubIe-damn sure it will." "That's Murphy's Law." "This guy Murphy, was he a race driver?" "He must be." "Everybody talks about him." "Ace Parker was Hazzard County's number two used-car dealer." "There weren't no others, but old Ace couldn't be first at anything." "His entire inventory consisted of 1 1 cars... eight of which were stolen, and seven of which would start." "This is going to ruin my birthday." "Ace, you jackass." "You were supposed to hold that rolls for my lulu." "I'm sorry, Boss." "That car was already sold when she picked it out." "That don't matter." "When I promise my wife something for her birthday, she gets it." "That car is me." "It's got me all over it." "I've told everybody in the Ladies' club you were gonna give me that rolls." "Now what are you gonna do about it?" "What are you gonna do about it?" "Stop." "What is wrong?" "That's the car Richard Petty wrecked last weekend... doing those tire commercials." "Where did Ace get that?" "probably like everything else." "illegal." "Got to be." "You thinking what I'm thinking?" "It's gonna mean dealing with Ace." "It means winning Saturday." "If we strip the parts off this Richard Petty engine... for the general, he'd charge like Lee at Manassas." "Ace, this is gonna ruin my birthday." "You better make this right, or somebody's gonna answer to me." "Sounds like another satisfied customer." "How am I gonna face the Hazzard County Ladies' club?" "You know they hate me." "They're just jealous of you, honey pot." "Don't get upset." "I want that car." "She's getting upset." "Look alive." "I want you to repossess that rolls." "You don't know what you're asking." "Them guys are big, mean, and Yankee-taIking." "If you don't want to repossess it, I'II send the Sheriff." "I'II send Rosco." "J.D., don't you send my baby brother on a suicide mission." "I had you make him Sheriff so he'd have a safe job." "Take it easy, lamb chop." "Those Yankees pay cash for that car?" "No, but they gave me a check." "Check?" "I'II bet it ain't worth the paper it's written on." "It's good." "I called the bank." "I own half that bank, and I say this is no good." "I also own half this business... and I'm gonna ruin half of the rest of your life... if you don't repossess that rolls." "Nobody weIches on my word to lulu." "Except me." "Why, Miss lulu, good to see you again." "Hi, Boss." "Ace, your clientele is getting downright shabby." "No, it's not, Boss." "Look how pretty Miss lulu looks." "Look at those eyes." "And that smile." "And those shoes are real pretty." "I'II be outside, where the air's better." "Come on, lulu." "You're probably way ahead of what's coming." "But remember, in Hazzard County, when things look simple... is when they're just about to get complicated." "That wreck out there... how much will you give us if we haul it off for you?" "That's $700, boys." "We both know what it is and what it's worth." "We'II take it." "Since you Duke boys quit making whiskey, you ain't earned $700 in a year." "We give you $200, and you can hold it." "I'm holding it now." "You see, it's on special today, but tomorrow the price is $1,000." "How come?" "Because you need it." "I got it." "It's the only one around." "Let's get out of here." "unless you'd do a little repossession work for me." "Repo men?" "Us?" "Some boys stuck me with a hot check for a rolls." "Take him inside, will you?" "Joey Sugalo was a little punk working hard to become a big punk." "And doing pretty good." "Joey works for Abe Serino." "He's a racketeer back East." "You already got two cars." "You shouldn't have bought this one, too." "Why not?" "I didn't pay that hick half of what it's worth." "We should have stole it, just to keep in practice." "Abe would bury me, showing up in a stolen car." "There's plenty of room in here." "Perfect hiding place." "Won't this car attract a Iot of attention?" "That's the point." "Ever see the highway patrol stop one of these?" "Cops don't hassle people who drive cars like this." "They look too important." "Baby, it gives me chills... thinking about all that money you're gonna make." "What the little lady said about Joey making money... meant making money." "How about it?" "Is it up to your usual standards?" "The U.S. Treasury could eat their heart out." "I mean, it's these fingers." "Abe will be calling." "What should I tell him?" "Order ink." "Lots of ink." "Ink?" "We need ink?" "You take these papers and bring me back the rolls... and I'II let you have that wreck for $200." "No way, Ace." "I hate repo men." "Who don't?" "personally, I'd Iike to win that race Saturday." "So, A: we need that Richard Petty car... to B: get the spare parts... to C: rebuild the general Lee... so he can, D and E: enter and win." "F:" "Am I getting through to you?" "Here's your key." "See, I always keep a spare on every car, if it comes up." "It's a Iot less hassle when you have to repossess it." "Boss, I'm getting that rolls repossessed for lulu." "Duke boys?" "You tell them what they're up against?" "Nope." "Now, you listen, Ace, and you listen good... because you are stupid prone." "These here are the ownership titles to every car... that's been completely wrecked in Hazzard County." "So there are no cars to go with these." "Now, all we do is match them up with your cars... which ain't got no titles." "You got it?" "That'II go with the green one." "I'm going to need a couple more of these." "I'II need one for that Richard Petty wreck I sold the Duke boys." "You did?" "Yeah." "They won't be needing one." "You see, if they got no registration for that vehicle... that vehicle is presumed stolen." "Which means they've broken probation, on top of car theft." "That's just beautiful, Boss." "Just beautiful." "It'II do for starters." "That's Uncle Jesse." "The family patriarch." "And Cousin Daisy." "She's a part-time waitress at the Boars Nest... with a lot of ambition." "They all live with Uncle Jesse, the head of the Duke clan." "Start getting these Christmas catalogues any earlier... they'II be coming on the Fourth of july." "uncle Jesse?" "Yeah." "Luke and I just bought us a wrecked Richard Petty race car." "Good." "How much?" "$200." "$200?" "Landed a job repoing a rolls for Ace Parker." "CouIdn't you fellows find anything lower to do?" "It's only for one day." "One day?" "Seems to me that's all how long it took Benedict arnold." "After almost 20 years in office..." "Sheriff Rosco Coltrane experienced a deep conversion... to greed." "Rosco was what the word '"reprobate'" was all about." "I ain't crazy about the idea, Boss." "I mean, what is it exactly we're framing the Duke boys for?" "It ain't we, Rosco." "It's more like you." "Those Duke boys... are setting a dangerous example for the other folk hereabouts." "They'II get everybody thinking that the duly constituted authority..." "of Hazzard County..." "namely you." "...namely me, can be cursed, sassed, and crossed." "I want those boys behind bars." "I'II throw them in jail." "I'II throw them in jail for the whole weekend." "That way they can't race on Saturday." "That'II just break their redneck hearts." "I'm talking prison." "Two years for breaking probation." "I wouldn't exactly call that breaking probation." "It's not as if they're running shine or out there poaching them little deer." "Rosco, you better get creative... or else you will be" "The night rent-a-cop at the drive-in dell on Frontage Road." "Bingo." "Naturally, Bo and Luke both wanted to drive the Rolls." "This was probably the only chance they'd have to get near one." "So they had old Cooter drop them off." "Good work." "That's beautiful." "Who is it?" "Just a couple of farmers at the gate." "What do you want me to do?" "Hicks." "Ignore them." "Don't look like anybody's home." "You just put them papers on the door, and let's get out of here." "They're stealing your new car." "I bet that put a kink in his plow line." "You know, Luke, I think that made him mad." "Better track them down." "They probably saw the money." "Manny, you get the dog." "AII right." "Without the repossession papers, we are car thieves." "Why don't you try to tell that to that dog?" "Damn, they sure must love that car." "Sorry, honey." "We can't have no guns." "We're on probation." "Wait a minute." "If I let go, will you promise not to holler?" "Now, wait a minute." "I give up." "Let me explain." "Let me make it up." "Let me explain." "Buddy, how could you do that?" "Setting us up to get us killed." "Now, wait a minute." "I give up." "You can't give up yet, Ace." "We ain't done yet." "Yeah, 'cause when he's done with that, I'm going to saw this car in half." "Let me make this up to you." "How are you going to do that?" "Now listen, I'II tell you what." "Just take that wreck for $200." "I don't want no hard feelings with you boys, honest." "If you've got any county business to conduct in Hazzard... don't pay no mind to the courthouse and public offices downtown." "The county business of Hazzard County is done... in the back room of the Boars Nest." "See?" "I got a problem getting that rolls back." "Ace, you got a problem walking upright." "lulu, just be a little patient, sugar cup." "And what's this problem, Ace?" "I sent those boys to repossess the rolls and they blew it." "I'II tell you what, baby pumpkin... if I can't have that car, I'II compromise." "You will?" "Sure." "You get me one just like it." "But, lollipop, they're made over in england." "Where am I gonna find a dealer around here?" "atlanta." "They got brand-new rolls right there on the lot." "Brand-new." "I'm off the hook." "What's the price?" "$67,436.58." "Now that is plus tax and tags." "And that's without air." "Right." "For that money, it ought to darn socks, wash windows... and bring you breakfast in bed." "You get us our car back!" "This is serious." "$67,000 kind of serious!" "Now git!" "They're leaving now, Boss." "They're leaving now." "That's a 10-4, little fat buddy." "Keep your gown down and keep the pedal to the metal." "That's a big 10-4." "I'm over and I'm gone." "Never mind that CB trucker's trash-taIk." "Just say "Yes, sir" when I'm done." "Yes, sir." "Take that." "Sheriff, you bust the Duke boys for no reason..." "I ain't got no respect for you no more." "Enos, you can't put no mustard on respect and eat it." "What's that mean?" "What I mean is, I was a straight-as-an-arrow Iawman..." "for 20 years, wasn't I?" "Yes, sir." "Was I or was I not entitled to a pension?" "Yes, sir." "Where is it, Enos?" "Where is my pension?" "well, your pension got itself defeated in the Iast County Bond election." "exactly!" "Now you tell me, is that fair?" "No, sir." "Neither is busting the Duke boys for no reason." "general, the only thing you've got to worry about now... is keeping your tailpipe from catching on fire." "Something's wrong." "It's too easy." "What do you mean, easy?" "I'm wondering what kind of hitch Ace's got up his sleeve." "You know it's got to be something." "Bound to." "So when anything happens, we'II figure something out." "It's happened." "Start figuring." "The boys decided to have some fun with old Rosco." "They figured, this time, he didn't have anything on them." "I once had a mule like that." "He wasn't too quick in the head, either." "Hang loose." "If I was any looser, I'd be sliding off the seat." "There was old Cooter, sticking out like a bourbon bottle at a country revival." "Watch out for the mailbox." "What mailbox?" "Meanwhile, old Rosco wasn't doing too hot." "'Cause if he wasn't careful and he tried to pass them... he'd end up with a lapful of racing car, old Cooter in it." "The boys kept up the chase." "While they were getting in deeper, old Rosco was getting madder... than an old wet hen." "Sure hope you Iike scrambled eggs." "What has that got to do with this?" "Where there's chickens, there's eggs." "That sure was a funny place to put a barn." "Try that fool stunt again, and I'II find a funnier place to put one." "Why are we running?" "What we got back here is ours." "Paid for it and everything." "Yeah, you're right." "AII right." "Let me have your license and your registration." "For the vehicles." "Where's the registration for this wreck?" "We just bought it." "Where's your bill of sale?" "We're not gonna register it... 'cause we're gonna strip it down and use it for parts." "Then you got to have a business license." "What are you up to, Rosco?" "The law says you got to have registration for any vehicle on a public road." "Now, that's a vehicle, and this is a public road." "Now, if you haven't got a registration, I can only believe that you stole the car." "They ain't stole nothing and you know it." "Now, you want me to arrest you and throw you in jail, too?" "You hush." "You boys have broken probation." "That's two years in prison, along with what they give you for stealing the car." "Read them their rights, Enos." ""Y'aII have the right to remain quiet." ""Anything y'aII say..." ""can and will be used against y'aII in a court of law."" "Sheriff, my heart just ain't in this." "The law is the Iaw." "Yeah, and a frame-up is a frame-up, too." "We got the right to be represented by a counsel." "That means a lawyer." "We can't afford no lawyer." "Yeah, but uncle Jesse will do." "Jesse taught the boys some good back-porch law." "He knew from experience how the Hazzard County justice system worked." "well, boys, I don't see no sense at all in taking this thing to court." "Why not?" "well, A: every judge in this county owes his job... to Boss Hogg over there." "What's "B"?" ""B" is we don't dare take this thing to a jury trial." "Why not?" "Because juries is made up of parents." "And parents is the mamas and daddies of all those girls... you've been chasing since you were 13." "They'd hang you before lunch." "Is there a "C"?" "Yeah, there's a "C"." "But we got to find out how much it's gonna cost to fix it." "And that will depend on what Ace over there wants to change his story." "Those two farmers, they tried to boost my rolls." "They tried once, they'II try again." "This here alarm better work." "believe me, anybody opens this door, won't believe the noise." "And this is gonna be the Iast sound they're gonna hear." "Y'all better not go to the refrigerator now." "I suppose I'm just an old softy... but I sure hate to see young folk in trouble with the Iaw." "Good morning, Boss." "Morning." "I was just thinking about you boys shut up in prison." "I wish I couId come up with a way out of...." "I just thought of something." "I figured you might." "Maybe we could get Ace to drop his charges against you." "How much?" "Nothing like that." "We'II have a little rehabilitation program for y'aII." "Like you boys finishing that little job you started." "Getting Ace back his rolls." "Come in." "It's open." "Afternoon, Daisy." "Mind if I keep my hat on?" "I ain't supposed to be out of uniform under arms." "What can I do for you, Enos?" "I've got to talk to Jesse quick." "Is he home?" "Not till suppertime." "That's gonna be too late." "Sheriff Rosco finds out I snuck over here and warned the boys, he'II just have a fit." "Warn Bo and Luke?" "About what?" "They're in terrible trouble, Daisy." "I got to find them fast." "So if you tell me where they are, I'II be on my way." "Your guess is as good as mine." "But seeing that I'm the only Duke here right now... why don't you tell me what's bothering you?" "I'd Iike to, Daisy, but...." "Honest I would, but I can't." "It's just man-taIk, you know." "I know exactly what you mean." "So why don't we just sit down... and we'II have ourselves a man-to-man conversation." "I can't rightly see how that's possible." "I mean, ain't Jesse ever told you there's a difference?" "Like you wearing long johns, and me wearing these?" "Come on, tell me what's so all powerful important." "I ain't telling." "Ain't no way I'm telling." "You're so tall and strong, Enos." "You still working out with barbells?" "Yeah, they're the greatest things since catfish hush puppies." "AII the while they're building my muscles... they're saving my virtue for the right person, too." "along with lots of cold showers, of course." "I guess that's why a puny little girl like me feels so safe when you're around." "especially when Bo and Luke ain't." "You don't have to worry about that." "I'II still be here when they're in prison." "Prison?" "That's what I come to tell Jesse about." "They ain't repoing that rolls for Ace." "It's for Boss to give to lulu." "I can't see why that makes a difference..." "long as Ace drops the charges against them." "That's the trouble." "Sheriff Rosco ain't gonna let Ace drop the charges." "Bo and Luke are just as good as in prison right now." "And the worst part is, I've got to do the arresting." "And you're gonna hate me for the rest of my born days." "Enos, wait." "Where are you going?" "Going back to the Sheriff to help him catch the boys." "But if you are gonna do that, why did you stop by to warn them?" "What I do on my lunch hour is my own business." "But the rest of the day, my soul belongs to the Iaw." "What do you mean that Rosco's gonna frame us?" "It means that next time, lunch is likely to be all bread and water." "Enos says y'aII are as good as in prison right now." "And Enos wouldn't lie if his life depended on it." "Of course, he has been known to be wrong before." "Not this time." "Enos was so ashamed of what he was gonna have to do... he took off without even hinting for a goodbye kiss." "Which proves the day ain't been all bad." "It ain't over yet." "What with them trigger-happy city boys with their man-eating dog on one side... and Boss and Rosco on the other, we're about surrounded." "Any way you look at it, we're gonna need some help." "Since everybody in the world was against them, they needed an ally." "So they went to Cooter." "That's to tell you just about how bad off things were getting." "Hey, Cooter!" "Come on down." "Take over for me, will you, slick?" "I'II be back in a minute." "Don't that put the frosting on the cake?" "Any car goes down." "I just love it!" "What's happening?" "We just need to borrow your welding rig." "Sure, it's in the truck." "And your truck." "We're gonna weld something on it." "What you gonna weld?" "Don't worry." "Come on, give me the key." "Thanks." "You got $1?" "That's $5." "$5 will do." "We might need some gas." "You're a real buddy." "The Dukes believe in retaliating on property, not people... which sometimes calls for a little country ingenuity." "Like welding mowing machine teeth on the sides of a souped-up wrecker... and using it for an assault car." "This is gonna be some can opener." "You just make sure you don't open a can of worms with it." "We already done that." "I'm about ready to run off and hide." "Now, the Dukes don't run." "Sometimes we feel like we'd Iike to run." "And then sometimes we ought to run." "But we don't and we won't." "Why not?" "Just because we're Dukes?" "No." "Because we got nowhere else to go." "You ready?" "Let her rip." "AII right, here we go." "little lady, you sure are in season." "Driving all these boys crazy." "Have fun." "I swear to you, everything's gonna turn out okay." "Big John's stashing the plates where they'II be real safe." "Just remember one thing:" "the bigger they come, the harder they hit." "You want me to hot-wire it?" "Nope, still got the key." "When I hit the engine, you throw open that door." "Oh, no." "Ever had one of them days when you couldn't hit the ground with your hat?" "Manny, go get your car." "Come on, Iet's go!" "What do you think Burt reynolds would do at a time like this?" "I ain't sure, but I know he'd be doing it with somebody a Iot prettier than you." "Hey, Luke." "Yeah." "If you can't make this thing go any faster than this..." "you mind if I just jump out and run ahead?" "Funny." "There comes Bo." "Hicks." "I haven't had that much fun since we used to run moonshine." "I'II tell you, that beats going to the Grand ole Opry." "We better get this back to Ace before something else happens." "You are right." "Later, Cooter." "aloha, senors." "What now, Rosco?" "AII right, give me the keys." "Rosco, we're taking this car back to Ace." "Yeah, we're repossessing it for him." "Have you got the papers?" "well, no...." "A dog ate them." "Boys, I'm on your side... but you got to come up with something better than that." "Enos, it's a stolen car." "Now get the keys." "Yes, sir." "Before I do, can't we give them another chance at a better story?" "What?" "Boys, now come on, where's the papers for this here car?" "We told you, Enos." "A dog ate them." "It was a big, old Doberman dog." "Do you get the feeling we've been here before?" "Where's this key go?" "Ain't nothing more humiliating... than being left standing in the middle of a country road." "And I don't think Bo and Luke are too knocked out about it, either." "You boys look like walking trouble." "trouble?" "normal day." "We start out to buy us a junk race car... which gets us working repo for Ace Parker..." "which gets us attacked by a mad dog." "Yeah, and shot at." "And assaulted by a 9-foot giant and friends." "Then we got tricked again by Ace and arrested by Sheriff CoItrane... for some trumped-up charge." "Which gets us our probation revoked and two years in prison." "trouble?" "No." "We've had it." "We've doubIe-damn had it." "Ace and CoItrane, huh?" "You boys feel like some dirty pool?" "It is a pleasure doing business with y'aII." "You better get out of here, Cooter, before the people start to show up." "Yes, sir." "I'm gone." "Must give the car a nice worth." "Come on, I'II buy you a drink." "Dang thing is jammed up." "Took my money." "well, that's Ace for you." "Rock it this way." "Hey!" "Cut that out!" "Don't you boys know there's a whole new set of laws... to cover damage to drink machines?" "Look who's here." "Morning, Boss." "Don't you look fine this morning, Miss lulu." "Luke, thank you." "Wait till you see me in my new rolls." "Where is it, J.D.?" "Where is it, Ace?" "Inside, Boss." "Got it under lock and key." "Right in there, under lock and key, sweetie pie." "I heard him." "Let's get it out and go for a ride." "What are you boys doing here?" "I just come over to thank you... and Ace there, and, of course, the Boss... for rehabilitating my boys." "And to let you know there ain't no hard feelings." "Speak for yourself." "Good morning." "Where's my rolls, Ace?" "You got a rolls, too?" "Where are all your cars?" "You start with this and get me the rest by tonight." "Or else...." "You get my missus a rolls by sundown... or you know where this will be." "I'm just a country Sheriff and I got troubles of my own... but if I didn't know better, I'd swear that that is a counterfeit plate." "But now, who in his right mind... would make a counterfeit plate yea long and yea narrow... and if you are not out of my county within 30 minutes..." "I'm going to be calling the FBI." "Nice doing business with you." "Yeah, no hard feelings, buddy." "well, boys, there's still justice in Hazzard County." "There sure is." "Yeah." "If you bite, claw, kick, and scratch your way to it." "No, it's just like Ed James said:" ""Americans have got to fight for justice."" "Ed James?" "Who's Ed James?" "He had a couple of nephews, too." "Frank and Jesse." "That's the legend of how the Duke boys... put Boss and Ace out of the hot car business." "And got themselves off the hook by destroying the Rolls... which was Rosco's phony evidence." "They even put a counterfeit ring out of business, too." "english"