"I'd like to talk with you about that letter of recommendation to my alma mater, Clementine College." "Are you gonna write me that letter?" "A good recommendation from you will guarantee me a spot in that corral." "Look, Justin, I know the teenage years are about your search for an identity." "But the western thing, that's mine." "Sorry, Mr. Litate." "Now, we need a director for the school's production of Peter Pan." "And I think that director should be you." "Pull it off, and I'll write that letter." "Uh, no offense, but isn't that kind of blackmail?" "Blackmail is just the sort of thing they teach at good old Clementine College." "Except they call it "ethics."" "Good luck, Mr. Director." "People are already talking about you direing the school play." "That's perfect." "I got the role of Peter Pan in the can!" "Uh, not so fast, Zeke." "I need to find the best actor by holding auditions." "Uh, well that's perfect." "I have just the audition piece." "I took my report on Mexico's economy, set the whole thing to music." "Check it out." "* Mexico, Mexico *" "* Is a unique and emerging marketplace *" "* Ohhh Mexico!" "*" "* Ohhh Mexico!" "*" " I gotcha." " * Mexico... *" "I got it." "Yeah." "Auditions will be tomorrow." "Please bring something else." "Tribeca Prep, autions for a Justin Russo production of Peter Pan will be held tomorw." "And since I have your attention," "I'm closing in on who put my gym clothes on the roof." "Eric Winer." "Yeah!" "Miss Russo." "I was filing your delinquent slip when I noticed you hadn't fulfilled your extracurricular requirement." "So I signed you up for Locker Refurbish Club." "No, thanks." "Perhaps you'd like me to define the word "requirement" for you." " No, thanks." " You have to!" "You can't be too busy being cute or charming, and being you is not a full-time job." "Well, the thing is..." "Um..." "I'm gonna be in my brother's play." "And you know how I'm always telling you things and then later on, you find out they aren't true?" "That's 'cause I'm a good actor." "So you're too busy in the school play to be in Locker Refurbish Club?" "Well, I was ready to take on both, but you make an excellent point." "Glad we had this talk." "* Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze *" "* That the end will no doubt justify the means *" "* You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease *" "* Yes please *" "* But you might find out it'll go to your head *" "* When you write a report on a book you never read *" "* With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed *" "* That's what I said *" "* Everything is not what it seems *" "* You can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams *" "* You might run into trouble if you go to extremes *" "* Because everything is not what it seems *" "* Everything is not what it seems *" "* When you can have what you want by the simplest of means *" "* Be careful not to mess with the balance of things *" "* Because everything is not *" "* What it seems *" "Hey, what are you up to, Max?" "Well, I'm the new reviewer for the school newspaper." "I've always known you had promise, honey." "Now I know what it was for." "But if only I could think of something to review..." "Hmm." " Like a movie called Elasto-Man Snaps Back, playing at 3:45 or 4:15." "You know, you're right." "A writer needs inspiration." "I'll take you." "Let me finish this order, OK?" "And that is how you get your mom to take you to the movies before homework." "Mom, did you hear that?" "He's using his school activities to get you to take him to the movies." "No, honey." "I'm using his school activities to cut my shift in half." "Harper, you know how you said you loved the theater?" "I never said I loved the theater." "Oh, I just assumed, the way you dress in all those costumes." "Costumes?" "OK, let's start over." "I'm gonna be an understudy in Justin's play." "It should be easy because I understudy for most things." "But understudies only get on stage if the other actor gets sick or injured." "Exactly." "And you have perfect school attendance because you never get sick." "That's why you're gonna be Tinker Bell and I'm gonna be your understudy." "Alex, you and I being involved in the same activity is not a good idea." "You know how competitive I am." "I'll crush you like a bug, just like I did in Skee-Ball." "OK, let's try this again." "You play Tinker Bell." "I'm your understudy." "You'll never miss." "I'll never go on." "Everyone's happy." "OK, I guess we're not competing." "'Cause I will crush you." "Why don't you go upstairs and start my homework." "I'll make us some sandwiches." "Oh, thanks, Alex." "That's so generous of you." "One Italian sub and a tuna salad on wheat." "Got it!" " Hey, Justin." " Hey, what's up?" "Oh, just makin' some sandwiches." "That's a nice dollhouse." "It's a diorama for the school play." "Ah, that's right." "I heard you were directing that." "So, uh, who were you thinking for Tinker Bell's understudy?" "Oh..." "Tinker Bell's understudy." "You want to be Tinker Bell's understudy." "Well, um..." "You're gonna have to audition like everyone else." "Why?" "You know I'm a good actor." "I've been acting like I like you for years." "No one thinks you like me." "But I really do and I act like I don't." "Pshh!" "That's acting." "Alex, your order's up." "Which table?" "Oh, I'll take those." "Aw, that's my girl, always helping." "Mom's helping Max." "Alex is serving sandwiches." "Where would we be without our ladies?" "Um..." "So, what do we got going on here?" "I'm directing the school play." "Ah, my son's a director." "That's fantastic!" "I don't know if you know this about me, but I've dabbled in the theatre arts." " You, Dad?" " Oh, yeah." "I directed a lot of high school plays when I was your age." "And as a fellow director, I'm gonna make sure that you succeed." "Any questions, you come to your old man." "I have one." "Should I let Alex be Tinker Bell's understudy?" "Which one of these is the understudy?" "Uh..." " This one?" " Yeah." " Got it?" " Oh, yeah." "I just always wanna be a little boy and to have fun." "This world moves pretty fast, you know." "It's not long before you're carrying a briefcase and heading to work, day in and day out." "For what?" "These are the best days of our lives." "Have a great summer." "I'll see you guys next year!" "Was that your eighth grade graduation speech?" "I was told it was inspiring." "And it was!" "The role of Peter Pan goes to Zeke Beakerman." "Whoo!" "Yes!" "Next up, reading for the role of Tinker Bell is..." "Harper Finkle." "No, it is poison!" ""Oh, Tink." "Did you drink the medicine to save me?"" "Yes!" ""But, why, Tink?" "Now, you don't look so good."" "I think I might get well again, if the boys and girls believed in fairies." " What was that?" " Fairy dust." "Cheese puff powder." "Look." "Great." "She was pretty good." "The role of Tinker Bell goes to Harper Finkle." "Now, the only thing left is auditions for Tinker Bell's understudy." "Look, Alex, um..." "I spoke to some people in the directing community." "People who are very close to me, and they advised me letting you anywhere near this production would be sure disaster." "People close to you?" "So that means Zeke or Dad." "Oh, it wasn't me, Alex." "I swear." "Oh, so then, Dad's directing this play." "No, I am." "I make my own decisions." " No, you don't." " Yes, I do." " Prove it." " Fine." "Watch." "Alex Russo's the understudy." "There." "I showed you." " Well, I don't want to do it." " You have to." "I'm the director." " OK, then fine." "I'll do it." " Good." "Ha." "Listen up, cast." "I need everyone to stay healthy for the show." "Yes." "That's right." "Because I don't want to have to step in." "I have very little interest in this, and I've never even been to this part of the school." "OK, here are the ground rules." "Save your voice, don't do anything dangerous, and that includes tap-dancing." " Aww." " Hmm." "You got it, chief." "I'm gonna start being careful right now." " Whoa." " Whoa!" "Oh." "That was close." "I almost slipped on my cheddar cheese fairy dust." "Ooof!" " Harper, are you OK?" " I don't know." "Is my foot supposed to bend this way?" "Whoa." "Looks like a rider got thrown off her horse." "Sit tight, little filly." "The nurse is on her way." "She was Tinker Bell." "Now, I'm gonna have to hold auditions all over again." "Don't you have an understudy?" "I'd rather not say." "Alex is my understudy." "Alex, congratulations." "You get to saddle up for the rodeo." "Out of my way." "I gotta throw myself off the stage." "Make some room!" "You're in the show, Alex." "Working on your review, Max?" "I'm so glad you finally found something you're half-good at." "Right, here it is..." ""I saw Elasto-Man Snaps Back with my mom last night, which was a big mistake, because she didn't put enough butter on the popcorn." "And that's the Max View."" "Dad, I gotta talk to you about the play." "I got a big problem." "As long as it doesn't involve Alex, there's nothing we can't solve." "Lay it on me." " Never mind." " Oh, it's Alex?" "What did I say to you?" "You made her the understudy, didn't you?" "It's not as bad as it seems." "I still got my main man, Zeke, dialed in on the role of Peter Pan." "He'll just have to carry the entire show." "Hey, Justin." "Uh, there's something I gotta tell ya." "What did I say?" "No tap-dancing!" "I wasn't." "I went to tap-dancing class to tell them I couldn't make it." "But then clog-dancing class started." "And I was like, "Oh, man!" "Clogging?"" "And I fell off my shoes." "All right, all right." "Nobody panic." "I said I was gonna help you, and I am gonna help you." " I'm gonna play Peter Pan." " Dad..." "If I shave twice in the morning, throw on my letterman jacket, I can pass as a high school senior." "We'll just say I'm your cousin visiting from the country." "A country of what, old dudes?" " I can still do it." " Thank you." "I'll catch you at rehearsal." "This will never work." "I won't get Laritate's recommendation," "I'm not gonna get into Clementine College, and I can kiss robotic engineering goodbye." "Justin, are you talking about kissing robots again?" "You're gonna get electrocuted eventually." "Alex, you need to take this seriously." "Your brother needs you to be the best Tinker Bell you can be." "His college career is depending on you." "You're right, Daddy." "Justin's depending on me, and you're depending on me." "I gotta do whatever I need to do to not let you guys down." "Hiring a real fairy to play your part is less work than playing the part yourself?" "Harper, there's not enough room to write 27 lines of dialogue on my hand." "Welcome to Fairy World." "May all your dreams come true." "Hi." " Look, Sparkles won't work under these conditions!" "Her wings need to be massaged and steamed." "Those things are her money-makers." "Come on!" "Last time I send a dwarf to do an elf's job." "How can I help?" "I need to hire a fairy actress." "Well, you have come to the right place." "Of all the fairy talent agencies," "FTA has, by far, the fanciest offices." "I should sit down." "And some advice:" "don't tile your cast." "It's like lugging around a bathroom wall." "Don't sit there!" "It's just for looks." "It's made entirely of gum drops and licorice." "Who'd mix candy with furniture?" "Oh, wait." "I would." "Here are some pictures of fairies." " OK." " Do you see one you like?" "Anyone really standing out?" "Anyone popping for you?" "These are pictures of the same fairy." "You have a good eye." "If it's Flutter you want, then Flutter you've got." "OK." "How soon can she start?" "You're girls." "I'm Flutter." "Well, this is working out." "Let's all get to know each other." "No, Harper!" "You're clumsy." "See, Harper?" "She looks just like me." "OK, you're gonna play me, playing Tinker Bell in the play." "All right." "Let's try a scene from the play." "I'm tired of playing fairies." "I want to play a cop." "Hands up where I can see 'em, pal!" "Oh, she's a good actress." " I can't see 'em." " Oh!" "Flutter, you are a fairy." "Fairies play fairies." "I don't know, Alex." "This fairy wants to play a cop, and she's packing heat." "I say we let her." "Who's this?" "That's Harper." "No." "Who's the one with the wings?" "Oh, that's Flutter." "You're a man, and you're a lady." "What is a fairy doing here?" "She is leaving." "Come on, Flutter." "A second ago, you wanted me to play the role of Tinker Bell." "You smuggled a fairy across Never Land lines to impersonate you in your brother's play?" "I'm no wizard, but that sounds like a crime." "It's not a crime." "And I suppose you spent all this time working on this scheme instead of learning your lines?" "I don't think I should answer that until I'm assigned a Never Land attorney." "Alex, we're not in a crime drama right now." "Oh!" "But if we are, can I play the cop?" "Check this out." "Hands up pal, freeze!" "Up against the wall." "Spread 'em, punk." "She's good." "Tink, no!" "What are you doing?" "Peter Pan, do not take your medicine." "It has been poisoned." "No!" "I promised Wendy I'd take it." "Ew, is this diet?" "Ugh." "Ew." "Oh, would you die already?" "Fine." "I'm dead." "Oh, Tink." "Did you drink the medicine to save me?" " Uh, yeah." " With feeling!" "Oh." "With feeling." "Dad, you're gonna have to go shave, get on your letterman jacket." "Don't worry." "Directors always have a back-up plan." "And I'd like you to meet ours." "You're a boy." "But why, Tink?" "Why?" "Now, you don't look so good." "I think I might get well again, if the boys..." "If the boys and girls believed in fairies." "Do you believe?" "Say quick that you believe!" "Clap your hands." "Don't let Tinker Bell's light go out." "This is the part where you clap for me, and I come back to life." "Mom?" "Sorry, sweetie." "OK." "It's go time." "Come on, one clap?" "Anybody?" "Anything?" "How 'bout them Mets?" "Works for me." "Come on, let's go save Wendy." "Freeze, Tinker Bell." "You're going downtown for bad acting, punk." " Flutter?" " Sergeant Flutter." "You're coming with me, straight to the slammer." "Flutter, you have to get out of here before people start to think you're a real fairy." "They're definitely gonna think you're a real fairy." "Ow." "Ow." "Ow." "See that?" "That's how you play a fairy." "Well, this is how you get rid of a fairy." "I'm thinking maybe we should leave before this is over." " Split a cab downtown?" " Oh, yeah." "Let's go." "Jerry!" "All right, Sergeant Flutter." "You have the right to remain silent." "In this drawer." "Ow." "Boo!" "That's good, Max." "Here he comes." "I'm sure there are plenty of colleges that'll take you." "I can get you into my alma mater." "Mom, you went to an all-girls college." "Wait." "That could work." "Yeah, I'll come visit." "Um..." "I'm just trying to help out my son." "Look, Justin." "We wrote a letter of recommendation for you." ""Dear Clementine College, here is a review of Justin Russo's directing debut." "In this ambitious production, Tinker Bell swats down her own inner-demon"