"You get three cards only." "And these you can't change." "If you don't look at them, you're a blind man, you only put in half the stake." "Three of any kind is the highest, but the odds are 450-1 against getting any three." "Then there's a running flush, all the same suit, all in order," "and finally, whatever the highest card you've got." "Now, there are some telltale signs that can help, but they took me long enough to learn so I'm not telling you." "They can only help a player, not make one." "So, d'you wanna play?" "and those who trust me from the ones who don't." "If you can't see value here," "You see these goods?" "Never seen daylight, moonlight," "Israelites, Fanny by the gaslight." "Take a bag, come on." "I took one home last night - cost more than ten pound, I can tell you." "Anyone like jewellery?" "Look at that one." "Hand-made in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney." "It's as long as my arm, not like something else." "Don't think 'cause these boxes are sealed, they're empty." "Only the undertaker sells empty boxes." "By the look of you lot, I'd make more money with my tape-measure." "Here, one price, ten pound." "Bargain." "I'll take one." "Squeeze in." "Left leg, right leg." "They call it walking." "You want one, darling?" "That's it, they're waking up." "Treat the wife - treat somebody else's wife." "It's more fun if you don't get caught." "You want one?" "Show me a bit of life, then." "These are not stolen - they're just not paid for." "Can't get 'em again, they've changed the locks." "Can't come back - I'll have sold out." "Nice bit of stuff." ""Too late" will be the cry when the bargains pass you by." "If you've no money on you, you'll cry tears big as October cabbages." "Bacon, cozzers!" "So I said I'm on the roam So I need a car" "And I know that I'm getting alive" "And I say I got faith in a season" "Ed can hustle a few quid here and there." "But his real talent lies in cards - and gambling with cards." "Bacon could see that his days of selling moody goods on street corners are numbered." "It's time to move on and he knows it." " Six foot one, that's perfect." " You're catching up with me." "What you talking about?" "I'm bloody skinny, pal." "'Course you are." "All right, Ed?" "Nick the Greek, a pleasure." "Tom, what have you eaten?" " I was telling him..." " Enough!" "You two, join me in my office." "So how much is it, Tom?" "You know how much, Nick." " And that includes the amp?" " No." "That does not include the amp." "Shit, Tom." "I thought it included the amp." "It doesn't." "I'll throw in one of these telephones, but it does not include the amp." "Very nice." "I hope it includes the speakers." "It doesn't include the speakers or the amp." "It's not supposed to include me getting the hump with your questions." "You want it, you buy it." "What else do I get?" "Don't know, Tom." "Seems expensive." "Seems...this seems to be a waste of my time." "That is 900 nicker in any shop, and you're complaining about 200?" "What school of finance did you study?" "It's a deal, it's a steal." "It's the sale of the fucking century." "In fact, I'll keep it." "All right, keep your alans on." "Here's a ton." "Jesus Christ!" "You could choke a dozen donkeys on that." "You're haggling over 100 pound." "What d'you do when you're not buying stereos - finance revolutions?" "100 is still 100." "Not when the price is 200." "Tighter than a duck's butt!" "Let me feel the fibre of your fabric." "The skinny one is Tom." "in a couple of dirty pies." "Nick, however, has made it his business to have all 20 fat fingers and toes in every dirty, bent and stolen pie in London." "Between them, there ain't much you can't get hold of." "That's my 25 grand." "It took me a long time to earn, so treat it with respect." "What about the chef?" "What've you come as?" "Cupid, stupid." "That's the last time I get fruit off you, Tom." "There was more small armoured things in it than fruit." "You should open a butchers, not a grocers." "Anyway, enough." "Where's the money?" "Soap is called Soap" "He's proud of his job and more proud it's legal." "Are you sure you can afford 25?" "It depends how you look at it." "I can afford it if I see it again." "Got the rest from the fat man and Bacon?" "Fat man, Bacon and myself." "Looks like it's time to call Harry." "Who's this fat man, eh?" "Sandwich, Bacon?" "It's not easy to take a seat at this card table." "The amount of money has to be 100 grand upwards" "This is the man who decides whether you can play " "Hatchet Harry." "You got it all?" "100 grand." " What's this Eddie like?" " He's a fucking thief!" "Barry the Baptist." " Fucking pay." " I'll pay!" "Barry makes sure the administrative side of the business runs harmoniously." "The boy's got a rare ability." "He seems to make cards transparent." "He's got..." "All right, we can say he's good." "Hold on, what do you think of these?" " We're selling hundreds." " Very nice, Harry." "What's it for?" "Don't play innocent, Bazza." "Spanking!" "There's 25 from me, Tom, Soap and yourself." "Because I like to." "A reasonable return should be about 120 grand." "For 25 grand invested, going on experience." "Going on optimism." "Whatever - it'll be enough to send you on a cooking course." "and look as though you should be, but you're not." "Fat!" "Who you calling..." "Jesus!" "great electrics" " I can see why you moved in." "Don't knock it, it's "cheep", like the budgie." "Nobody wants to live next to the people we live next to." " Anti-social to say the least." " What d'you mean?" "He means they're thieving bastards." "Not exactly thick, these walls." "Nice work, John." "Get yourself a drink." "Is that it?" "How many times do I have to tell you, Plank?" "Have you got a problem with that?" "Police and thieves in the street" "Fighting the nation with their guns and ammunition" "Charles, this gear is getting heavier." "I've a suspicion we should have been rocket scientists or..." "Nobel Peace Prize winners..." "something." "the amount you smoke." "Who the hell's that?" "All right, Willie?" "Does it look like I am?" "Take this." "I'm in danger of breaking a sweat any second." "Charles, why've we got that cage?" "Security." "That's right." "Security." "I would've used it, Winston, but this is Willie." " And Willie lives here." " Yes, Charles." "But you didn't know it was until you opened the door." "Chill, Winston." "It's me." "Charlie knows it's me, what's the problem?" " What is that?" " That's Gloria." "I know that's Gloria." "What's that?" "Fertiliser." "You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter." "You come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertiliser." "Alarm bells are ringing, Willie." "We need fertiliser, Winston." "We also need a money counter." "This money's gotta be out by Thursday." "could you be a little more subtle?" "What do you mean?" "Yeah." "That's what I mean, Willie." ""The Boss" by James Brown" "Paid the cost to be the boss" "Paid the cost to be the boss" "I paid the cost to be the boss" " How long's he been in there?" " About...20 minutes." " Is he on his own?" " Yeah, carrying a bag." "Let's pay him a visit, shall we?" "The only thing he cares more about than unsettled debts is his son and heir, Little Chris." "Look at me" "Know what you see" "See a bad mother" "This is one of them..." "high-powered jobs, innit?" "Aaagh!" "What the fuck!" "Jesus Christ!" "That includes blasphemy." "Now tell me, John, how can you concentrate on improving this tan - and it is a lovely tan - when you've got more pressing priorities at hand?" "Tell Harry..." "Did I say speak?" "And it's Mr Harry to you." "You may now... speak." "Tell Harry, I mean Mr Harry," "I've been busy, I'm nearly there." "Check his locker, son." "He's not poor!" "He's got over a monkey in his wallet!" "Fuckin' hell, John, you go round with that in your pocket?" "Use language like that again, you'll wish you hadn't!" "Sorry, Dad." "You can go home in a plastic bag tonight." "You owe what you owe." "By the time this tan's faded you wanna have paid." "Exactly." "We had to..." "What the hell are you doing here?" "What's up?" "Game o'cards" " Hatchet Harry?" "You're supposed to be getting your rest in, boy." "You playing cards tonight, son?" "With Harry?" "Don't be silly, Dad." "I wouldn't have anything to do with that." "Where'd he get a hundred grand?" "He's got adhesive mates - like brothers." "They've tossed up between 'em." "And JD, his dad, owns the whole property?" "No mortgage, no debts." "Lock, stock - the fucking lot." "Don't worry, Harry." "I've got it under control." "Good." "You can get this under control now." "These little beauties are up for auction." "If you know what I mean, Barry." "I don't care who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets." "And don't tell 'em what they're worth, Barry." "In the cool of the evening" "When everything is getting kinda groovy" "Right, where was we?" "You must be the brains." "There'll be a load of old guns." "That's all I want." "Everything else outside the cabinet, you can keep." "Thank you very much." "There'd better be something there for us." "It's a fucking stately home, of course there'll be something there." " Like what?" " Like fucking antiques." "Antiques!" "What the fuck do we know about antiques?" " We rob post offices." " We steal cars." "What the fuck do we know about antiques, mate?" "If it looks old, it's worth money - simple." "Stop fucking moaning and rob the place." "You're doing it for me - is all you need to know." "You know because you need to know." "I see." "One of those "need to know basis" things." "Like one of those James Bond films." "Careful, remember who's giving you this job." "Right, I'm off." "Call me when you're done." "Ta-da." "Fucking northern monkeys." "He soon discovered he had a big advantage." "It's not that he's good at cards, or even good at counting them." "It's that he's good at reading people's reactions no matter how subtle." "Everybody has reactions." "Especially when it comes to money." "Love is kind of crazy" "With a spooky little boy like you" " lnvitations." " lnvitations?" "We got 100,000 bits of paper with the Queen's head on." "Will that do?" "Just you." "The others can wait next door in Samoan Jo's." "Samoan Jo's?" "You mean the pub?" "Hold on..." "Hold on to your tongue and I'll hold on to my patience." "No one in here tonight but card players - no one." "Evening, Fraser." "Don, Phil." "Bit dramatic, innit?" "Is it supposed to be symbolic?" "Apparently it's for security." "You must be Eddy, JD's son." "Evening, Tanya." "Been a while." "All right, Ed." "We call each other Kenny, OK, Gary?" "All right, Kenny." "You gonna put your stocking on?" "I spent 120 quid on my hair " "I'm not pulling a sock over it." "You have to put something on." "Three card brag, gentlemen." "Three 3s are highest, then three aces, then running down accordingly." "An open man can't see a blind man." "It will cost twice the ante to see your opponent." "Don't fuck around, fellas." "You know the rules." "You know I won't stand for it." " How comes we end up in here?" " I don't think I mind." "You got that TV loud enough, mate?" "Leave it out, Bacon." "He looks like a loon." "What are you doing?" "Put that back." "We're here to rob the guns." "Put it back - it's crap anyway." "Come on." "800." "D'you like that, did you, son?" "When my knees stop knocking, I'll live with it." "400, blind." "Listen, ladies, this is cards." "Men play cards." "So shut it and play." "I'll fold." "1,000." "Open." "What sort of pub is this?" "It's a Samoan pub." "What's that?" "It's a cocktail - you asked for a cocktail." "You could fall in love with an orangutan in that." "You want a pint, go to the pub." "I thought this was a pub." "It's a Samoan pub." "Can you get your man to turn the TV down?" "Ask him if you like." "I'd leave him well alone." "Get rid of that." "Bring us a Diet Coke." "'Scuse me, can you turn that TV down?" "No." "Oooh!" "2,000." "2,000, blind." "You what?" "You're bonkers." "Mad." "Well, you gonna play?" "Fuckin' right I'm gonna play." "Three grand, dare." "4,000's an open man." "You know that." "You do know how to play, Donald?" "The reason I've only put in half is I don't know what I've got." "Now, you play or you fold." "Fold." "Fold?" "ls that the only word they taught you at school?" "No, they also taught me the word "cunt"." "Whoa, whoa, Kenny!" "What are you doing?" "I am trying to find out where they keep their money!" "You twat." "Can't you see they've got no money?" "We've got the guns." "What's the matter?" "What's wrong with you?" "You wanna be more careful, old fella." "You nearly took my man's head off with that." "You all right, Kenny?" "Kenny?" "Ten grand, blind." "Twenty grand, open." "Deep end, eh?" "Fold." "Gotcha!" "Twenty grand, open." "I fold." "Don't spend that all at once, boy." "Bloody 'ell!" "What?" "You said there'd be no staff, Barry." "Did you get those guns?" "You wanna see what they did to poor Gary!" "Gary, Gary!" "I said, did you get those guns?" "Yes, we got them!" "Good." "I'll speak to you later." "Fuckin' scouse cunts." "Gary, if you can hear me, get back in the car now, mate." "Barry..." "Barry!" "Fucking, sodding, shandy-drinking bastard!" ""Liar Liar" by The Castaways" "Liar liar, pants on fire" "Your nose is longer than a telephone wire" "Been out all night Know you've been bad" "Don't tell me different I know it's a lie" "Come to me, honey See how I cry" "Why must you hurt me?" "Do what you do?" "Listen here, girl Can't you see I love you?" "Make a little effort Try to be true" "I will be happy Not so blue" "Liar liar, pants on fire" "Your nose is longer than a telephone wire" "You keep on telling me those lies" "Still going out with other guys" "Give me my money!" "Give me back my money!" "Give it back!" "Wankers!" "Wankers!" "Come on, you." "Not now, please." "You fucking bastard!" "Fuck...you bastard." "Oh, my good God!" "We'll take you to the cleaners!" "Twenty grand open." "Thirty thousand." "Back to you, Ready Eddie." "Fifty grand." "Eighty grand." "One hundred grand." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Look, fellas, I know..." "I know you're not in, which means no one cares what you know." "Two hundred and fifty." "That's quite a raise." "That's one hundred and fifty on my one hundred." "Yeah." "Is there anything else you want to say?" "As you know, this puts us in an awkward position." "I don't have enough to continue." "It's a loan or we see both your cards." "I will." "You will what?" "I will loan you the money." "No, I think I'd rather just turn 'em over." "I'm not interested in what you would rather." "I wanna keep going." "I'm also offering you the money." "We don't have to turn 'em over because you can borrow." "I need two hundred and fifty grand." "No, you need five hundred grand to see me." "That's if I wanna see you." "You're gonna have a problem carrying on, ain't ya?" "I'll see you." "For half a million?" "Unless you're gonna accept twenty quid." "I'll see you." "OK, before I loan you this, I expect - if you lose, of course - my money back within a week." "Crystal?" "That's Sunday, OK?" "Is that it?" "Now let's see his fucking cards." ""I Wanna Be Your Dog" by The Stooges" "So messed up I want you here" "In my room I want you here" "And now I wanna be your dog" "And now I wanna be your dog" "And now I wanna be your dog" "Well, come on!" "Hello, boy." "Feeling a bit poorly?" "I know your friends" "Otherwise I will take a finger for every day that passes without payment." "your dad's bar, and who knows what then." "All right, my son?" ""Why Did You Do It?" by Stretch" "I've been thinking about what you have done to me" "The damage is much deeper than you'll ever see" "Hit me like a hammer to my head" "This doesn't look good." "He explained the unfortunate position they were in." "He knew there was no way Ed could settle that debt alone." "Harry saw it as their money on the table, so it was their debt off the table." "Ed could've kissed the old bastard for that." "If he said he wanted to settle the debt on his own, it would have been a lie." "I wish he would've let me settle it." "Think about what we're gonna do." "Sit down." "What's all the fuss about Harry?" "Why don't we boycott the payment?" "Let me tell you about Hatchet Harry." "It was rumoured that he was on the take." "Smithy didn't do a very good job." "Within a minute..." "Harry's lost his rag." "Reached out for the nearest thing at hand - which happened to be a 15-inch black rubber cock." "He then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with it." "That was seen as a pleasant way to go." "I've been thinking about what you have done to me" "Images much deeper than you'll ever see" "Hit me like a hammer to my head" "I wonder were you pushed or were you led?" "Why did you do it?" "Why did you do that thing to me?" "Golf - the best way to spoil a good walk." "Winston Churchill said that." "I say it's a dog-eat-dog world." "And I got bigger teeth than you two." "I think our friend is trying to tell us something." "Or should I take another swing to make sure?" "Give me a five iron, John." "Certainly, Dog." "Now, keep still." "Is there something you'd like to tell us?" " The fireplace." " Shut it, you idiot..." "You were saying?" "It's in the fireplace." "Pull it out." "It's in the bottom." "It's in the fireplace, Frank." "Pull it out." "It's in the bottom." "Dog, I think you want to have a look at this!" "You gonna let me down now?" "No, I'm not finished with you yet." "Steel." "Help!" "Help!" "Oh, Dog." "Who the hell's that?" "It's only 12 o'clock." "Who is it?" "Chill, Winston." "It's only Plank." "Easy." "Jesus!" "Never saw you there." "Hello, love, enjoying yourself?" "Is she compos?" "What do you think?" "Boo!" "Fuck me!" "Clean that up, Charles." "Sod you, you clean it up." "Never mind." "Can you just sit down, stay out the way?" "How much is it you want?" "I'm...after an half weight." "That's 1,500." "Pass the scales, Willie." "Give us some gear, J." "Any chance of actually seeing the...money?" "The odds are 100-1." "All we need is five grand." "I'd rather put my money on a three-legged rockin' horse." "Those odds are 100-1 for a good reason, Bacon - it won't win!" " Where's Eddie?" " Where do you think?" "The bottom of a bottle, has been for two days." " It's hit him hard." " It's hit us all hard!" "He's got to tell his dad he's about to lose his bar." "Listen to this one." "You start a company - "Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club"." " You what?" " Put an advert in a gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos." "You sell it with..." ""Does what no other dildo can do until now." ""The latest and greatest in sexual technology." ""Guaranteed results." All that bollocks." "These dlls cost 25 quid a pop - a snip for the pleasure they'll give the recipients." "They send their cheques to the other company name." "You stick it in the bank until it clears." "This is the smart bit." "from the other company name " ""Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club" - saying we're sorry," "You see how many people cash that cheque." "Not a single soul." "Who wants their bank manager to know they tickle arse?" "Well, it's still a good idea." "All right, I got one." "Look, he set us up, which means he put money in." "Which means he expects money out." "Don't have to be an economist to work that out." "but he can't have any idea how much hard currency we've accumulated." "I don't know." "Do you know?" "You guys have got to realise who this chap is." "If he gets an inkling we're not throwing straight dice, we're gonna know" "Yeah, but we're in this for the cash however it comes." "So you know these geezers well?" "And you keep all the money." "I've heard some stupid fuckin' ideas but yours makes Bacon's sound inspired." "They ponce around in hippy clothes all day talking bollocks - they're just good at growing weed." "Business got bigger than what they can handle." "They can't all be stupid." "they sell class A gear - someone sensible must be involved." "What about security?" "There's a gate they never lock." "What d'you mean never lock?" "Why've they got it, then?" "I must've been there 50 times - it's never locked." "They're into that karma crap " ""I don't harm nobody, nobody harms me."" "No way they can get back to you?" "They'd be too scared - I'm a geezer." "Got no muscle - gutless faggots." "Fancy one?" "If you're so fuckin' clever, why don't you come up with a suggestion?" "Look, I'm thinking, all right?" "I am thinking." "We're gonna be here all night, then." "ls Big Chris on his way?" "He should be here any minute." "I think you're making a big mistake, Harry." "Who the fuck are you to question my judgement?" "What d'you know about Big Chris, eh?" "Put Big Chris on a job and he will get it done no matter what." "His dad used to collect debts, and his dad before that." "The Almighty himself and not to fear knockin' on Old Nick's door himself if he was behind on his payment." "And he's never nicked a nicker in his life." "There is a problem, he isn't stable." "Heaven protect anybody who touches that boy." "Not that that boy needs protecting." "What's all the flapping?" "You told the old man yet?" "Hoping I won't need to." " Hello, boys." " Harry." "Do you want a drink?" "Hello, my son." "D'you want a lolly?" "Piss off, you nonce." "Oi, watch it!" "No, thanks, Harry." "We're both all right." "Nice shooter." "One of a pair - Holland and Holland." "D'you wanna hold it?" "Not my thing, thanks, Harry." "Business good?" "I imagine that's why I'm here." "Four young fellas got in deeper than they could handle." " How much?" " Half a million." "Well, what d'you want us to do about it?" "Hit the fuckers." "I know it sounds a bit strong, but it's not as if we're doing anything illegal." "I dunno how you reached that conclusion." "They can't report they've had their drugs and money nicked." " How heavy are they?" " Don't look all that." "Hitler didn't look all that." "All right, but we are in the soup here and this is a silver spoon." "And it's not as if we've got all the time in the world." "Dig?" "I'm game." "Me too." "Oh, God!" "Right." "We hit 'em as soon as they come back." "We'll be prepared." "Waiting." "And they're armed." "What was that?" "Armed?" "What d'you mean armed?" "Armed with what?" "What do you think they'll be armed with?" "Guns, you tit!" "You never said anything about guns." "Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia!" "Soap, stop being such a mincer." " I've thought about that and..." " And what, exactly?" "All we have to do is find out who's carrying 'em." "No." "Only one of 'em carries them going to the job." "I assume the same one will carry 'em back." "You assume?" "It's the mother of all fuck-ups!" "Brother, mother, any other sucker." "It don't make any difference." "Soap, if you have a better idea how to get 500,000 in the next few days, let us know." "In the meantime, Tom, talk to Nick the Bubble about shifting the weed." " Weed?" " No, it's not normal weed." "It's fucked-up skunk, Class A," ""I can't think let alone move" shit." "Doesn't sound very good to me." "Anyway, do you know anyone?" "I know a man, yes." "Rory Breaker." "The madman with an afro?" "I don't want anything to do with him." "You won't have to." "Just get me a sample." "No can do." "What's that - a place near Kathmandu?" "Meet me half-way, mate." "It's all completely chicken soup." " It's what?" " It's kosher...as Christmas." "Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom." "Never mind that." "I'm gonna need some artillery." "Coupla sawn-off shotguns." "A bit heavy." "This is London, not the Lebanon." "Who d'you think I am?" "I think you're Nick the Greek." "Hold those two." "I don't normally have anything to do with weed." "But if it is what he says," "I'll take it off him for three and a half grand a key." "If it is what he says." "I don't want to see it after a sample," "I don't want to touch it after a sample." "He'll sort out the details." "Just let me tell you one thing..." "If the milk turns out to be sour," "I ain't the kind of pussy to drink it." "D'you know what I mean?" "Rory Breaker." "I know Rory." "He's not to be underestimated." "You've got to look past the hair and cute cuddly thing." "It's a deceptive facade." "A few nights ago his roger iron busted." "No one's watching the custard, so he switches the channel." "A fat geezer's north opens." "He wanders up and turns the Liza over." ""Fuck off and watch it somewhere else."" "He knows claret is imminent, but he doesn't want to miss the game." "and plonks it outside the entrance." "He orders an Aristotle of the most ping-pong tiddly in the nuclear sub and switches back to his footer." ""That's fucking it," says the geezer." ""That's fucking what?" says Rory." "He gobs out a mouthful of booze, covering Fatty." "He flicks a flaming match into his bird's nest and the geezer's lit up like a leaking gas pipe." "Rory, unfazed, turns back to his game." "His team's won, too." "Four nil." "Oi!" "Is your hair supposed to look like that?" "Next time we do a job like this, we want more money." "Where's the others?" "There was no others." "Stop fucking around." "The others - the old ones." "I don't know what you mean." "There were two old guns." "Where are they now?" "Not in the cabinet." "There were some old hammer-lock muskets the butler was carrying." " They were ours." "We sold them." " Unsell them!" "We had to sell them." "We needed the money." "I am not fucking interested." "or sharing a bed with the Antichrist," "I want those guns." "Quick!" "All right, Barry." "Calm down." "We'll get them, all right?" "Now fuck off, you scouse cunts." "Jesus!" "If I pick 'em up, will they stay in one piece?" "Where'd you get them?" "I got contacts." "Listen, Tom " "They look very nice, I agree." "They're lacking in criminal credibility, ain't they?" "700 each." "What - a pound for every year they been about?" "They're antiques, but I ain't paying antique prices." "Bit long, ain't they?" "Sawn-offs are out." "People want a bit more range these days." "but I don't want anyone blowing a raspberry either." "I want to look...fucking mean." "Of course you'll look mean." "You'll look really scary." "Enough." "What about this geezer who sells drugs?" "Rory Breaker's standing by." "You stand to make a lot of money, tubby Tommy." "I understand this has come as a shock." "Let me tell you how this can be resolved by you, the good father." "Go on." " He likes your bar." " Yes." "He wants your bar." "And?" "D'you want me to draw you a picture?" "This is my bar." "It's got nothing to do with him." "What, and I care?" "Remember, you have the luxurious advantage" "You do have a reputation " "Whew..." "Careful, JD, you'll give Harry another heart attack." "Now..." "I'll put that down to shock." "Only once." "Only once can I, or shall I, let you get away with that." "your bar...or your son." "There's nothin' to worry about, it's easy." "No such thing as easy in my experience." "If you think it's gonna be easy, you're a prick." "It might be easier than most, but it's not gonna be easy." "What's that idiot doing next door?" "Right, we use your van." "There's stairs up to this place so we'll stick out." "Plank goes in first." "There's a cage, but it's never locked, is it, Plank?" " Never." " It don't wanna be." "Once he's set, he gets the rest of us in." "We'll get nasty, shit 'em up, gag 'em, whatever." "These wankers shouldn't give us any problems." "When the job's done, we come straight back here and unload." "And Robert's your father's brother." "Everyone savvy?" "Sweet." "We'll do it tomorrow at eight." "These slags like to lie in bed till midday." "Lowest ebb and all that." "That's the way I like it." "Jesus!" "Don't worry, we can manage this." "And what do you want me to do?" "I don't know." "Turn up and look mean." "What d'you mean, look mean?" "You know, growl a bit." "Just look as if you know what you're doing." "I can do better than that." "Have a look at these." "What are we supposed to do with these?" "Put them on your head, stupid." "Christ!" "If you think I'm turning up clean-shaven and greet them with a grin, you've got another thing coming." "These fellas are your neighbours." "I thought it might be a good idea to disguise ourselves." "Right...er, good thinking, Soap." "Well done." "I brought weapons as well." "What do you mean weapons?" "These." "Jesus!" "Let's keep 'em covered up." "Couldn't you get anything bigger?" "What, like that?" "What d'you think?" "I think you need help." "Bar steward, can we have a coupla drinks, please." "Have you seen your dad?" "Hatchet sent one of his men round." "Oh, shit." "When?" "Crazy." "A good few years ago, your dad and Harry played brag together." "Now, JD is a better player but Harry is a shit and a cheat." "This game went on for two days, until your dad lost everything." "But Harry wanted more." "He wanted to put your dad deep in debt, so he plays on and on until the stakes are a joke." "Harry's got some scam goin' on," "Harry turns over and he's got next to unbeatable cards." "Everyone falls over 'cause they all hate Harry." "JD starts to weep, it's a real mess." "Harry starts laughin', cheering', doin' a little jig and he turns JD's cards over." "JD by this time is cryin' proper tears, this is next to pathetic." "We see the cards, he's got three threes, the best possible cards!" "And the only time I have ever seen them." "JD continues to cry, but now it doesn't seem so pathetic." "Harry...he's had a heart attack!" "and he's never played cards since." "You've just given him his cue." "He is not a happy chappy, Ed." "Yes?" "It's happening tomorrow morning." "No fuckin' about, Ed, get back here now." "Nick the Greek." "How much did you part with?" "700 for the pair." "Drachmas, I hope." "I'd feel safer with a chicken drumstick." "These are gonna do more harm than good." "Jesus, Tom." "Do these work?" "I don't know." "Look nice, though." "I rather like 'em." "That's top of priorities, that is." "We've only got two real guns - apparently that's what they are." "So we find a good place to hide next door." "We wait till it's the right time, then jack-in-the-box," "swap the gear into the new van and bring it back." "it's the last thing you'd expect." "If Tom or anyone else feels like giving 'em a kicking," "I'm sure it won't do any harm." "Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody." "If you know what I mean." "Also, I think knives are a good idea." "Big, fuck-off shiny ones." "Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile." "Knives are good because they don't make any noise." "The less noise they make, the more likely we are to use 'em." "Shit 'em right up." "Makes it look like we're serious." "Guns for show, knives for a pro." "Soap, is there something we should know about you?" "I'm not sure what's more worrying, the job or your past." "Come on, girls." "I thought this was meant to be a robbery." "Where'd they get those outfits?" "Not a bad idea, that." "Come on, you fucking jellyheads, move it!" "You've been up two hours, you should've got somewhere." "The money and the gear's gotta be out by 12." "Who's that?" "Don't open the door until you've used that cage." "I'm serious." "Find out who it is first." "Hello, can I help you?" "All right, it's Plank." "ls Willie there?" "No, I'm afraid he's not." "He's out at the moment." "Perhaps you can help." "If you could open the door so I could talk without shouting." "I can't help you, Plank." "You'll find it's in your interest." "Hold on, OK?" "Willie, it's Plank for you." "He says it's in our interest." "I don't care if it's King-fucking-Kong, he's not coming in here, not today." "Hold on." "We are in business and...correct me if I'm wrong but that is business." "Corrected." "That's a walking accident we can do without." "Jesus." "He's OK..." "He knows only to buy weights now." "What do you think, Winston?" "This is the last time." "All right?" "You and the money are going out the back." "If he knows you're here, he'll be all day." "Just clear this shit up!" "What, now?" "All right." "Just coming." "What the fuck is he doing?" "Come on, I can't wait out here all day!" "Just coming." "I thought you was gonna leave me out there all day." "I didn't know you were a removals man, Plank." "Lives and learns, don't ya?" "Keep the gates locked now?" "Ya, sorry." "Gotta do business like this now." "Can't be too careful these days." "I know." " What are you doing, Plank?" " What do you think?" "Hang on, what are you doing?" "That's it." "Go, go, go!" "Fucking move!" "What the fuck's going on?" "Hang on, I've got the keys." "The gate's locked." "I don't believe the fucking gate's locked." "What you done to Fauntleroy?" "I didn't touch him." "He passed out." "Shut the door!" "D'you want the world to see?" "What's going on down there?" "Shit!" "Charles, get the rifle out." "We're being fucked." "It must be this one." "Hold that gun." "Plank, give me the keys." "Don't point that at my bollocks!" "Shit!" "What the fuck is that?" "What the fuck's that?" "It's my Bren gun." "Haven't you got something more practical?" "Who you gonna kill, Plank?" "There's no one there." "Aaagh!" "They fucking shot me!" "Well, shoot 'em back." "Jesus, Plank!" "Couldn't you get smokeless cartridges?" "Shit, I've been shot." "I don't believe this." "Could everyone stop getting shot?" "It's a fucking air rifle!" " What the fuck was that?" " The Bren gun." "Fire that gun again, you're a dead man." "No ifs, no buts, you're a dead man!" "There go his toes." "or I'm gonna blow his leg off!" "I'm losing patience." "Hurry up, girls!" "Willie, he doesn't know you're here..." "Sort something out." "And all your friends, there's a good lad." " There's only three of us here." " I don't believe you." " Plank?" " Yeah, one of 'em's out." "Open the gate." "Up, up, up, there's a good lad." "John, get them tied up." "Plank, where's the money?" "ln those shoe-boxes." " Where?" " Out the back." " And the weed?" " Out the back." " Point." " With what?" " Your hands!" " I'm tied up." "Nod your head or something." "Check it out." "Plank, get Paul out that van lively." "Knife." "I'm gonna cut him." "Make sure he knows he's dead." "How you doing, Mick?" "Jesus Christ." "Gordon Bennett." "What the fuck's been going on here?" "Shut up, you idiot." "It's Hanukkah." "Don't just stand there." "Can you fit it all in?" "There's a lot..." "I can't get Epping Forest in my van." "Bollocks to can't." "You'll fit it all in if you have to make two trips." "Bollocks!" "If you don't move it, we will move it." " I'll only be a minute." " You've already been 15." " Come and have a look." " At what, exactly?" " The van's half full." " So?" "What?" "..and I'm off." "Can you carry more than one bag this time?" " I can't." "My neck, Dog." " How many more bags?" "Just a couple." "Mick, you dead yet?" "I'll be all right." "Once I've dealt with that lanky prick." "Do it quietly." "Time to say "Goodnight, nurse"." "Where the fuck did she come from?" "Not like that, you idiot." "Give it us here." "What you doing, Ed?" "D'you want one?" "No, I fucking don't." "You cannot make tea, Edward." "And look what happened." "If you think I'm going to war without one, you're mistaken." "Going to war with what?" "Have you forgotten those guns, you dozy prat?" "You won't get away with this." " Paul, what's that?" " It's a traffic warden." "He was gonna call the cozzers." "Fair enough - we'll deal with him later." "How we doing, Tom?" "Right as rain." "I'm gonna take care of the cabs." "Keep us posted." "Do you do airports?" "Where are we gonna hide?" "Don't complicate things." "Just hide." "Ow!" "Fuck!" "We're on." "They weigh a pound or two!" "Shut up and back up!" "Spin round, big boy." "Fuck!" "Stay down." "Stay down!" "On the floor!" "Bend over the fucking desk." "Keys." "I want keys, now." "I'll find ya." "'Course you will, sweetheart." "I'll find ya." "What d'you think this is?" "Fucking hide and seek?" "That one." "Search that one." "Right, I'll see you in the van, when you've finished with handsome." "Jesus." "That wasn't too bad, was it?" "When the bottle in my arse has contracted, I'll let you know." "Bacon, see what we've got." "Let's have a butchers." "We've hit the jackpot, lads." "A shitload of cash." "And a traffic warden." "What?" "Jesus, Ed." "We got a traffic warden." "I think he's still alive." "I don't know." "I don't think we need him." "Knock him out and dump him at the lights." "What d'you mean, knock him out?" "With what?" "Use your imagination." "Don't touch him up." "Knock him out." "I'll knock you out!" "You wanna knock him out, you knock him out." "I fucking hate traffic wardens." "Tomorrow's the day and mum's the word." "I can't have that, can I, Baz?" "No, Harry, you can't." "I mean, it's a liberty." "I can't have a liberty taken, can I, Chris?" "No, Harry, you can't." "I mean, it's enough to give me the arsehole." "I can't have the arsehole, can I, boys?" "No, Harry, you can't." "that I won't find 'em." "I don't give a fuck who they think they are!" "I'll kill 'em!" "I'll fucking hang, draw and quarter 'em!" "All right, that's it." "We're done." "We're off." "Ed, are you sure it's a good idea taking this back to yours?" "It's the only place we can, and the last place they'll look." "Anyway, fuck it." "The battle is over and the war is won." "Tom, take this to Nick the Bubble and get rid of it quick." "This skunk is as good as it gets." "I don't think he'll like that." "You said three five a key." "That's a good price." "That was yesterday." "We'll take it tomorrow." "Half price." "If he wants to get rid of it quick, he'll have to take it." "Lenny, take that round to Snow White and the three little chemists." "They should have a gander at that." "I want a second opinion." "Hang on a minute, Nathan, something stinks." "Yeah, your fucking aftershave." "Fuck you, funny man." "For God's sake, help me." "I'm in pain." "I'm in so much pain!" "Go in slowly, Nathan." "Get the fuck in there!" "I want this house searched for bugs, stripped." "Even if there was a bug, they'd have taken it with 'em." "Bit late to start thinking." "and tortured...badly." "I want to know who's responsible for this, otherwise I hold you responsible." "Not a bad day." "That pile takes care of Harry." "What's left over?" "Give me half a chance to count it." "What about this gear, then?" "Oh, what, you want a toke on that?" "Can we lock up and get drunk now, please?" "Look, we had the gates up, but they stuck a shotgun through." "Poor bloody J got shot." "Right mess." "Some girl took one out." "He was in a right two an' eight." "We shot one of them..." "in the...er, throat." "What d'you want, a medal?" "The one you shot." "Is he still in there?" "No, it was another one." "That's more like it." "Where is he?" "Well, they...they took him with." "He's still, still alive." "What did you shoot him with?" "An air gun?" "Look, we grow weed." "We're not mercenaries." "You don't say." "Who could it be?" "Where do we start, Rory?" "Mr Breaker." "Today, my name is Mr Breaker." "You think this is a coincidence?" "This white shite steals my things and thinks he can sell it back to me!" "He's got less brains than you, Lenny!" "Get Nick - the greasy wop shistos pezavengy gammore Greek bastard round here now, if he's stupid enough to be on this planet." "Come with me, I'll fill you with desire" "Take my hand and we'll walk this land together" "Your stupidity might be your one saving grace." "Uuh?" "Don't uuh me, Greek boy." "thought that they could steal my cannabis and then sell it back to me?" "Is this a declaration of war?" "Is this some white cunt's joke?" "'Cause I'm not fucking laughing, Ni-ko-las!" "I have three interests in life, Nick." "No, four." "Football, music, money," "You couldn't have known my position, you wouldn't have turned up here scratching your arse, with that "what's going on" look on your chevy chase." "But you do know where these people live." "If you hold back anything, I'll kill you." "If you bend the truth, or I think you are, I'll kill you." "If you forget anything, I'll kill you." "In fact, you'll have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick." "Do you understand everything I've said?" "Because if you don't, I'll kill you." "Now, Mr Bubble and Squeak..." "you may enlighten me." "Er, well...yeah, we do." "In fact, this is a bit more than a bit of a problem." "It's the Mount fucking Everest of problems!" "you haven't got the first idea who did this to us, have you?" "We've had 'em all lined up against the wall." " We'd know." " You'd fucking know!" "You wouldn't know if it was the next door neighbours!" "Get out there and find them!" "I'm sick of the fucking sight of you!" ""Scarface" - I've watched "Scarface"." "That really inspires confidence." "This guy, Rory Breaker..." "That'll be the same man, yes." "I've heard of him - he's a fucking lunatic." "He can afford the deal at the price we're selling." "It's not worth him giving us any trouble." "He knows we'll be a pain in the arse." "Who needs that?" "The fatter you get, the sadder you get." "After we pay Hatchet, this deal puts us up... nearly 200,000 each." "Not bad for a morning's work, I think you'll agree." "So they had the cash." "And the puff." "Cheeky bastards." "Count it." "Shit, Dog." "There's a lot." "Do you want to do it next door?" "We're not going next door till we've flayed them dead men walking." "We'll count it upstairs." "Dog, look..." "Give us it here...dozy bastard." "Check your guns." "Get yourselves well hid." "Wait till they get right inside the door, then give it 'em." "Give me them shooters, you can use your own." "Yeah." "That's no way to answer the phone." "Is that you, Dean?" "It's Lord fucking Lucan." "Who do you think it is?" "What can I do for you?" "Those guns I sold you, I need them back." "Not likely." "I don't think I'll be seeing them again." "I'm sure you do." "But you don't understand." "I ain't seeing them or the guns again." "We can't get them." "If we can't get them, we can't get them." "You'll have to get them." "We made a deal for everything inside the cabinet." "Inside, outside - I don't give a shit." "Yeah, Bazza, or what?" "Otherwise known as "Hack You Up With an Hatchet Harry"?" "Well, this is..." "James Bond, need-to-know time." "Know what I mean?" "I mean find 'em, torture 'em and kill 'em." "And bring back what belongs to me." "Who was that?" "That was Harry Horrible Hatchet." "Jesus, I've heard of him." "We've got to find them." "Six black cocks and a little white kitten" "We're gonna do a proper decoration job." "I want that house painted red." "All right, there's this brass standing on the corner." "Dwarf walks up to her carrying a suitcase..." "Winston there is gonna come along" "Watch out for these fellas - they've got a bit of an arsenal and they don't mind using it." "I'm taking down her panties..." "Does everyone know what they got to do?" "Yeah." "What the fuck is going on?" "Come on." "Chop-chop." "Thank you very much." "He's got the guns." " You get them." " Why me?" "You're supposed to be the hard case..." "You get the guns!" "I drive the car!" "Good boy." "You fucking big..." "All right." "Wrap them guns up." "Count the money." "Put your seat belt on." "We've got to get the fucking guns or we're dead!" "..so I made sure I fucked the one that was coughing." "Get out the car, you yuppie fucker!" "He's the one we shot in the neck." "Is that right, Mr Botanical?" "Jesus!" "I don't believe this." "What the fuck has happened here?" "Jesus." "The money." "The gear." "This is fucked." "No money." "No weed." "All right." "Don't panic." "Let's think about this." "Fuck that, you can think about it." "I am panicking and I'm off." "Hello, John." "Nice holiday?" "Yeah, terrific, Chris." "Sounds like a good deal." "You're not complaining, are you?" "No, I'll take the family next year." "Fair play to ya." " That you, Chris?" " Harry." "How did you get your hands on these, then?" "The boys had 'em." "wondered if you wanted 'em." "Yeah, I'll have 'em." " Was it hard getting the money?" " Not especially." "Upset a few characters, though." "Have you counted it?" "Yeah, it's all there, to the pound." " They were gonna pay?" " Looks like it." "But who knows?" "The opportunity was there." "In my experience, it's best to take that opportunity - if it's there." "Good work, Chris." "We've got to get those guns." "We don't know who lives there." "I don't care who lives there!" "All's I know is it's preferable to death by Hatchet." "Fair enough." "Let's go." "I don't think it's the right move." "It's either that, the old boy's place and we lose a digit daily." "He'll care." "That was supposed to be his money." "Whether he cares about us is different." "Pass me the phone." "Yeah?" "That you, boy?" "It's Ed, if that's what you mean." "Pay day, ain't it?" "Yeah..." "I wanted to talk to you about that." "I'll bet you do." "I got half a million nicker here, which means some poor sod doesn't." "You've upset a few people." "But that really isn't my concern, is it?" "What does concern me..." "is the guns you had." "I want to talk to you about that." "So get your arse here now." "And I mean now!" "Bastard!" "You fucking bastard!" "Bastard!" "What the fuck are you doing here?" "What the fuck are you doing here?" "Job well done." "We made a few quid out of that one." "Son...?" "Made a few quid, did you?" "Where's what I want?" "You all right there, mate?" "Very fucking funny." "Where's what I want?" "I've just left it in the office." "We'd better get it, if you want your son to see his birthday." " Now chop-fucking-chop." " All right." "Fair enough." "Where you going?" "I couldn't have parked outside, I'd have got a ticket." "I suppose that don't matter now, does it?" "Just be careful." "Right." "You and me." "You and who?" "You know where the door handle is, Tom." ""The Payback" by James Brown" "Payback" "That's it, payback" "Revenge, I'm mad" "Get down with my girlfriend" "That ain't right" "Oh, no." "Not again." "That's it." "I'm off." "Tom...that is our bag." " Ed...!" " Hold on." "This is our bag." "That's it." "We're off." "It'll only take a minute." "What is going on?" "I don't know, but I do know there's no more Harry." "Which means there's no more debt." "If there's no more debt, there's no more problem." "And there's no problem with the neighbours - they're all dead." "And I think, if I get this right, we haven't done anything wrong and we're in the clear." "Never ever..." "..to me as you!" "You fucking...bastard!" "All right, mate?" "Cheeky bastard!" "Tom had to respect the fact they were not loaded." "Everybody else got arrested." "Odds, chaps, gotta remember the odds." "Hope I'm not interrupting?" "I need to know, what's goin' on, son?" "He's not one of 'em." "Sitting in the cheap seats underneath the stiles" "I'm heading back to base" "I'll drop you off at my house" "Your dad would like a word with you, Ed." "Where are the others?" "They got out yesterday." "They're at the bar." "All right, Dad?" "I'm all right." "Could do with a drink, though." "All in good time." "So, are you in the clear?" "More importantly...am I?" "It appears so." "Well, everybody's dead, Dad." "That's about as clear as it can get." "How about that drink?" "You know where the bar is." "Eh?" "Alan's got to sit there." "Alan!" "You're lucky you're still breathing, let alone able to walk." "..it's in all our interests." "All right, lads?" "How's it goin'?" "How you doing, Soap?" " Still cooking?" " Yeah, you know." "How about the girls?" "What about your diet?" "Where's that son of mine?" "Taking gasoline" "I'm a teen dream" "Superhuman being" "I'm a man machine" "I'm a man machine" "You took your time." "Where the hell have you been?" "Sit down." "I'll tell you." "The traffic warden identified the neighbours' bodies." "Which sort of puts us in the clear." "The only thing connecting us with the case... ..is those shotguns." "And Tom took care of them." "I wanted to talk about that." "Well, talk." "Well, actually...no." "They're in the car." "I was gonna sell 'em to Nick, but I couldn't get hold of him." "You dippy bastard." "So...the only thing connecting us with the case is in the back of your car, which is parked outside?" "!" "They cost 700 quid." "I'm not gonna throw 'em away." "They're hardly likely to trace 'em back to us, are they?" "You think it's worth the risk for 700?" "Tom, you're a dick!" "And yourself while you're at it." "Now." "Look, all I'm..." "Now, Tom!" "Can I have a beer, please, Dad?" "I'm busy." "Get it yourself." "It seemed Hatchet underestimated you lot." "And it seems to have cost him." "I ain't gonna make the same mistake, am I?" "So I've decided to bring your bag back." "Thank you." "You've presented me with a problem." "I've lost my employer." "So I've taken care of meself and me son." "If you think that's unfair, pay me a little visit." "high and clear so as I can see it." "Or it'll be the last visit you ever make." "Understand?" "That's all I've come to say." "There is one more thing..." "It's been emotional." ""Fool's Gold" by The Stone Roses" "The gold road's sure a long road" "We are now officially in the money-lending business, son." "Put your seatbelt on." "We're out of here." "It's empty." "The pack on my back is aching" "I'm no clown I won't back down" "I don't need you to tell me what's going down..." "What's his number?" "You'll jam the line!" "I'll call him!" "My fucking batteries!" " You muppet!" " Give me the phone!" " I'll dial it!" " Tell me the number!" " Give me your phone!" " You'll break it!" "You'll break it and it'll be fucked!" "Shut it." "It's fucking ringing!" ""Oh Girl" by Mauro Pawloski" "I'm eighteen with a bullet" "Got my finger on the trigger" "I'm gonna pull it" "So hold it right there, Little girl, little girl" "We're gonna have big fun" "I may be an oldie" "But I'm a goodie, too" "I'll last forever" "And I'll be good to you Oh, yes, I will." "I'm eighteen with a bullet" "Got my finger on the trigger" "I'm gonna pull it" "I'm a super soul sure shot, yeah" "I'm a national breakout" "So let me check your play-list, mama" "Come on, let's make out" "I'm high on the chart" "Tipped for the top" "But till I'm in your heart" "I ain't never gonna stop" "We've got a smash double header" "If we only stay together" "Talking about you" "Talking about me" "I'm eighteen with a bullet" "Got my finger on the trigger" "I'm gonna pull it" "Yes, I am" "Be my A side, baby" "Be beside me" "Right now, right now, I'm single" "But pretty soon you'll see" "We'll have a hit first time" "It won't be long we'll find" "That we're raising a whole LP" "You know I'm eighteen with a bullet" "Yes, I am, baby" "I've got my finger right there on the trigger" "I'm gonna pull it, pull it, pull it" "You better start making plans, baby" "This old house is too small now, now, now"