"Hello." "Allow me to introduce myself." "I am Jackie Mulchen, the executive producer in charge of all productions here at Paramount." "And before showing this picture, I thought I should at least explain." "The motion picture you're about to see isn't the run-of-the-mill film fare that has been presented to the moviegoing public of late." "It's quite easy making this type of picture, filled with love, emotion and tears." "And of course, we could easily make the space violence and horror films that are enjoyed by many peoples of the world." "But we chose to make what you're about to see." "A film based on fun." "And it's just a little different insofar as there is no story and no plot." "That's right." "I said no story, no plot." "It is actually a series of silly sequences." "Or you might say it is a visual diary of a few weeks in the life of a real nut." "And it's real silly." "Oh, put it on." "Show it to 'em." "Put it on!" "This is Walter Winchell reporting, and this is Miami Beach at night." "The nights here are the same as anywhere else." "No sun." "This is the same Miami Beach, daytime." "It is just waking up, rubbing the sand out of its palms, ready for another "let's be pretty for the tourists" day, a day that could never get started without the people who provide the services" "that are required in order that the visitor is satisfied." "The people who serve are the real backbone, the people who serve and work in order that you might pay  that is, play." "Company... halt!" "And of course, there are chefs, chambermaids, clerks, hostesses, waiters, doormen, bartenders, waitresses, musicians and entertainers." "But these men are the real unsung heroes of a hotel, the men who have no real direction." "They are called on day and night, for anything, from burping babies to walking the dog." "These are the men who are almost always called upon for services above and beyond the call of duty." "Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I call them men, but everyone else calls for... the bellboy." "As the bellboys break ranks, they all know where to go and what to do." "That is, most of them." "How are you?" "Here, Stanley." "Get everything out of the trunk." "George, come help me." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello, Mr Hartman." "How are you?" " Yes, we..." " I need a couple of guys..." "Yes, we have your trunks." "I can't hear very well." "What did you say?" "Oh, yes, of course." "We've got beautiful accommodations." "I'm sure you'll be happy with them." "We'd be delighted to see you." "Yes." "Yes, thank you." "Goodbye." " I'm Mr Carter." "I have a reservation." " Yes, sir, Mr Carter." "Sign here, please." "It's nice to have you with us again." "Unfortunately, I can't stay too long." "This has to be a hit-and-run vacation." "We certainly hope you enjoy your stay." "Front boy!" "Mr Carter is in Room 625." "We certainly hope you enjoy your stay, Miss Winkly." "Front boy!" "Miss Winkly is in Room 626." "It's so nice to see you again, Mrs Hartong." "Let me help you." "You're very lucky." "We've been having wonderful weather, Mrs Hartong." "Here we go, that's it." "Easy." "That's it now." "Boy, open that bag and hang those things up in the closet." "Well, if it isn't Mrs Hartong back with us again." "I hope it isn't because of dieting again." "Don't you fret." "We'll do all we can." "But you'll have to stay away from the candy." " I know, I know." " Good." "Clerk, the key to Room 988 for Mrs Hartong, please." "I'm sure you'll be very happy in the new wing, Mrs Hartong." "I'd like to leave a forwarding address." "Certainly." "Two weeks certainly did fly by, Mrs Hartong." "They certainly did." " You look wonderful." " Thank you." "You kept away from the candy." " Goodbye, Mr Novak." "Thank you." " Goodbye." "Move that car over." "Pull it over, that's it." "Now move the other one!" "What a day I've put in." "Oh, Mrs Hartong, I didn't recognise you." "You look crazy." "I mean, great." "Thank you, Carl." "Has my uncle's car arrived yet?" "Not yet, Mrs Hartong." "I'll call and check." "Thank you." "Mrs Hartong is right here." "Mrs Hartong, your uncle asked if you would please wait." "He'll be here in 20 minutes." " That'll be fine." "I'll wait." " All right." "Mrs Hartong said it'll be fine." "Thank you." " Would you care to sit here?" " Thank you." "Stanley, you've been at this for 40 minutes." "Get going, will you?" "I don't mind you helping the guys." "But you've been here for over an hour." "Get back to the bell desk." "On the double!" "Stanley!" " I don't get it." " Get what?" "This kid loves his work." "Now you've got that done, please be good enough..." "Let me rephrase that." "To keep you out of mischief, set up the seats for the motion picture tonight." "Stanley, we don't talk back." "Get along, get along." "What is it?" "I've never seen you laugh so hard." "I've got Stanley on theatre seating duty." "Alone?" "How long has he been in there?" "I just sent him." "It'll take two or three days." " Let's go and watch." " OK." "Let's go." "He's fast." "Mr Novak, I'm so excited." "I've never seen a movie star up close before." "Enjoy yourself." "It's Jerry Lewis." "Mother used to take me to see him when I was a kid." "He'll be here in a moment." "Be sure that all the accommodations are exactly as he ordered." "Whatever you do, be pleasant." "There he is." "Places, everybody." "Places." " No autographs, please." " Stand back, folks." "Stand back." "No autographs." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Hold it." " Is this where we register?" " Yes, sir." "Right this way." "Hold it." "Hold it!" "Hold it." "Back." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Hold it!" "Stop with the brushing." "We've been together a long time." "I've asked you many things and you've come through for me." "Now I'm asking you to hold it." "Stop pushing, stop rushing, just hold it." "We're all adults and I'll expect you all to conduct yourselves as an adult will." "Hold it." "I've never asked you this but I'm asking you now, simply, purely, hold it!" "I'm a nervous wreck." "Let me have a cigarette." " Thank you." "A light?" " Yes, sir." "All right." "All right." "All right!" "Hold it." "Stop with the brushing." "Another cigarette, please." "I'll smoke it dry." "Mr Lewis, we're all excited about your appearance at the Fontainebleau." "We should be used to celebrities by now." "We've had some of the big ones staying." "Wrong Way Corrigan." "Ma Perkins." "And don't forget Bill Holden's aunt." "Bill Holden's aunt." "Yes." "I would like very much, if you don't mind, to get to my room as soon as possible." " Did you have a pleasant journey?" " Fine." "He's so funny." "This is the private entrance to the hotel." "Your suite is on the fifth floor and totally secluded." "I'm sure you'll like it." "That's wonderful." " He's always good for a laugh." " He sure is funny." "I would like the seclusion and privacy." "I had a terrible mishap a week ago in the family." "An aunt died and..." "Nothing like a laugh!" "He sure is funny!" " Would you care to register, Mr Lewis?" " I'd like to register and go to the room." "All right!" "I need another card." "It's all right." "You may register in your suite." "This way." "Thank you very much." "I..." "Back, back!" "Back!" "We're gonna go in the elevator and we're gonna go single file like nice people." " Remember, hold it." "Leon?" " Yes, chief?" " Who are all these people?" " They all work for you." "Who's the guy with the straw hat?" "He's the guy that tells you who we are." "That's good." "I wouldn't have known." "I got such a bunch of people." "This is a very nice room." "Where's the bed?" "Oh, it's the elevator." "Wait, don't push." "That's it." "Just file in." "Move to your left." "That's it." "Now let me get in." "Let me get into the side." "That's it." "Get off." "You're stepping on my suede..." "Will you stop with the brushing?" "I'm awfully sorry, Ben." "These people are just so overanxious." "I appreciate it." "You've got to have your staff." "I've got a barber and a gardener and people assisting me." "When I do the shows I try my best to do what I can to perform and I need the elements and all of these people function for me..." "Stop brushing." " Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" " Yeah." "But there couldn't be two of them." "Right?" "Right." "Hey, Stanley couldn't be a Clark Kent, could he?" "Don't be silly." "But he could be a Lamont Cranston." "Bell captain." "He didn't?" "I'm sorry, sir." "Yes, sir, right away." "Front boy." "That brown rawhide bag goes up to the Lewis entourage." "On the double." "Stanley." "On the double!" " There you are." " For me, Mr Berle." "Yes, ma'am." "There are a lot of autograph hounds." "Mr Berle, my little daughter sings." "She sings every time the neighbours come over." "What should I do?" "Move." "Deliver this to Milton Berle right away." " Thank you." " You're welcome." " Please?" " Sure, young lady." "You know, you look like a girl I know from New York." "Were you ever...?" "Just a minute, son." "Are you down here with your mother?" "Your mother's down here with you?" "Just a minute, son, please." "There you are, young lady." "Would you do me a favour?" "You must learn never to interrupt anybody when they're busy." "I don't care what you want to say, but you must learn etiquette, politeness." "Don't look over there." "Look at me." "Be a good boy." "Never interrupt people." "The rudest thing to do is to interrupt people when they're trying to..." "Oh, you have a message for me." "I'm sorry." "I didn't know." "Here's a tip." "Milton." "Hi, Milt." "What's the matter?" " Milty?" " You wouldn't believe it." "You wouldn't believe it." "Milton, what's the matter?" " Message for Jerry Lewis." " Right here, boy." " Mr Lewis." " Yes?" "Thank you." "What's the trouble, sir?" "Nothing." "You wouldn't understand or believe it." "There's a lot of kooks in this hotel." "Straighten up there!" "Let's go." " Where's Stanley?" " I don't know." " We said we'd wait for him." " We'll miss the first race." "Stanley, the races go on in 20 minutes." "You're off duty now." " We'll talk later." "Let's go." " Go get dressed." "Let's go." "We'll meet you outside." " Where's Stanley now?" " Who knows?" " Let's go." " We're late already." "He's a speedy boy!" "What do you think, Herkie?" "I can't make up my mind." "How about you, Dave?" "I'm thinking." "Sonny, how does it look to you?" "Well, I don't know." "Looks like our friend Flicka has vanished again." " Where did this kid go?" " He probably went to make a bet." "I don't have to go nowhere to bet he's into mischief." "Attention, please." "May we have your attention?" "Due to circumstances beyond our control we have to cancel the first race." "We are very sorry." "Please make your bets for the second race and all the first race bets will be refunded at the windows." "Thank you." "Locker room." "Is Stanley down there?" "OK." "Thank you." "Have you seen Stanley out there by the pool?" "All right." "Thanks a lot." "Coffee shop." "Have you seen Stanley?" "Which Stanley?" "The only Stanley in the world." "Is there anything I can do for you, sir?" "Front boy!" "Stanley, take over for a few minutes." "I'll be right back." "All right." "What's the matter with you?" "You've seen pretty girls before." "We've had model conventions before." "When these girls are here in this hotel, they're treated like any other guest." "What you do during working hours is our business." "And what you do after working hours is our business." "Don't fool around." "Remember, no girl is that important." "I think." "Mr Novak, you know I'm very faithful to this hotel and to you." "I do my job and keep from bothering you with a lot of petty annoyances." "Today, something happened I've got to tell you about." "When the models convention came into the hotel, the bellhops lined up and as the models came in, every single bellhop grabbed a girl." "They jumped out of line, grabbed a girl." "Every single one of them had a girl." "Except me, and I think it's pretty darn unfair." "I keep telling you, I keep telling you, I keep telling you, and I keep telling you, stop spending money." "I'll stop spending money when you stop spending money." "Don't live my life for me." "I wouldn't, except that I have to live it with you." " Shut it!" " Shut what?" " Your big mouth." " My big mouth?" "If you measured it, you'd find my mouth is just a pinhole compared to the hollow tunnel you've got." " You asked for it." " Don't hit my husband." "Young dog." "Where do you come off, butting in on our business?" "Don't you dare!" "How dare you?" "Busybody, nosy." "Mind your own business." "Come on, honey." "Don't pay any attention to him." "He don't know what he's talking about." "My darling!" "I'm telling you, either you see to it that your men are dressed neatly and clean or there's going to be trouble." "We're not running a gymnasium." "This is a very high-class hotel." " Do you understand?" " Yes, sir." " I'll say it again." "Neat, clean, nice." " Yes, sir." "Good taste, good clothes, refinement, distinction." "That is very, very important." "Put this in my cabana." "Bell captain." "No, sir, I'm sorry, you'll have to call room service." "Company, halt!" " Left face!" " Left face!" "This will be a half-hour break." "March!" "Hup, hup, hup!" "Bell captain." "Sit down." "There's no one there." "What do you want?" "A green light?" "Sit down and eat your food." "And shut up!" "As I was saying, when someone pushes you around and keeps pushing you around, soon you're not gonna be around to get pushed around." " Bravo." "Bravo!" " You're always right, boss." "Remember what I'm telling you." "Go tell Dead Eye to take it easy or else it's gonna be very hot." "I think you're wrong." "We're not gonna get anywhere with muscling anybody." "Things today are different than they were." "Why can't you just be sweet?" ""Can't you just be sweet?" I don't want to be sweet!" "I want to be the way I always was - miserable." "I want to be like they say on television, "an ornery critter"." "Now remember what I'm telling you." "Get hold of Dead Eye and kick a hole in his chest." "Knock his brains out, bite his jugular vein." "And remember one thing." "No violence." "Here's a kid with an honest face." "Tell me, am I right or are they right?" "There, you see?" "I'm right." "That's what I like." "A kid what's got class." "Esther, if we don't get a room" "I'm getting the first plane back to New York in the morning." "I'm completely exhausted." "You and your bright ideas." "I don't blame you, but it wasn't my fault they didn't receive the telegram." "Look, Dottie, I have an idea." "That old boyfriend of mine, Bob Clayton?" "He's a bell captain here." "I bet he can find accommodations for us." "You just relax." "I'll be back in a minute." "OK?" "Stanley!" "I couldn't care less about your problems." "I've got a very responsible position." "I'm in charge of all the transportation for this hotel." "Yes, I know, but..." "Look, I don't give a darn." "We're going to work this thing out..." "Either you do it the way I say or you can come here and we'll try to straighten it out, sir." "Yes, sir, thank you very much." " Mr Novak, about this call..." " Never mind." "This is more important." "We're responsible for the actions of your boys." "At all times, you are to see to it that they conduct themselves in a manner befitting a man wearing the uniform of the Fontainebleau!" "Count on me." "I'll keep them out of the strip joints if it's the last thing I do." "And now, friends and folks, we're glad to present those terrific fellas, the Novelites." "Howdy, neighbours." "It's sure good this evening." "I got a surprise for you." "I brought a couple of kinfolk along." "On my right is my old happy cousin, Smiley McCoy." "Come out, Smiley boy." "Doggone, it's sure good to see you, you little maverick, you." "Doggone, you're looking mighty fine, Smiley boy." "Do me a favour." "Take a step forward." "These are nice people sitting out here." "Don't be afraid." "Take yourself a step forward." "Tell you what to do, Smiley." "Take a big old step forward and give the folks..." " Ah-ah!" " Oh, God." "Just take a step forward." "That ain't too much." "Take a little bitty step forward and give them your Arthur Murray smile." "We're gonna feature Zeke on the guitar." "He's gonna take hold of that guitar and twang it for you." "Gonna grab that guitar, he gon' twang it for ya..." "As a matter of fact, he's gonna take hold of that little old guitar, folks, he gonna twang-twang it for you." "Grab guitar, twang-twang a little bit!" "I tell you, he gonna grab hold of that guitar down there, twist it up, tune it up, gonna twang-twang-twang it for you!" "Grab it, gonna twangy-twang-twang!" " Look, I'm trying..." " Ah!" "What's the matter?" "He's gonna grab that guitar, gonna twang-feet it for you!" "Flang-flip-wibba-bum!" "We're about set do a song entitled "The Alabama Jubilee"." " You ready there?" " Ready." "And here's the little doll you've all been waiting for, Rock Candy!" "I can't tell you how upset I am about this." "You're upset?" "I have to go back to New York and do a TV show." "Relax, Mr Sedley, relax." "Relax, my eye." "I'm going to find out who did this terrible thing to me." "He has ruined my entire career." "You can sit here, son." "It's OK." "Sit here." "I'm through." "Hi, Stanley." "Hey, gang!" "There's a crazy guy having lunch down the bottom of the pool." "Take a look!" "Front boy." "Stanley, see that steamer trunk?" "Go down there and get me..." "Stanley, you never let me finish what I'm going to say." "If you had listened, you would know that I did not want the steamer trunk." "I wanted what was on the steamer trunk." "If you'd listened and waited, you'd have found out that I wanted the hatbox that was sitting on the steamer trunk." "You dashed away before you gave me a chance to explain." "Go back, put the steamer trunk back and get me the hatbox that is sitting on..." "Stanley!" "...that is sitting on the steamer trunk." "All right, go..." "Stanley!" "Thank you, Stanley." "Would you like a bite?" "This is delicious." "Greatest apples in the world." "Only one place you get these apples." "You go down here... make a left." "Sure you don't want...?" "Just wonderful." "Mother, I've been here almost six weeks, and all I've been able to do so far is go to the movies, and alone, or just sit around the pool." "What, Mother?" "No, there aren't any nice young people I'd like to go out with." "They're either after my money or they just want to drive my Rolls-Royce." "So until I find a nice, quiet, unassuming someone who's only interested in me and not my millions," "I'll have to go to the movies." "Because remember, Mother, movies are your best entertainment." "Give my best to everyone in Australia." "All right, Mother, be well, and I'll call you again in ten minutes." "Goodbye." "Where were you when I needed you?" "Get your hand off." "Am I to understand the suite for Mr and Mrs Manville isn't ready?" " I'm sorry." " Where are they?" "Right over there, sir." "Mr and Mrs Manville, sorry the suite wasn't ready when you arrived." "That's perfectly all right, Mr Novak." "We understand, but we won't for long." "Speak for yourself." "I'm anxious to get to the room and open my presents." "Please, hold on a little longer." "Your suite will be ready in half an hour." "Couldn't we have one room in 15 minutes?" "I'll check again, Mrs Manville." "What difference does it make?" "We're content, aren't we?" "Of course, Ferdinand, but we were engaged for 13 years." "Now that we're married..." "We're all set." "If you just follow me, I'll show you to your suite." " Oops." " Oh, God." "Oh, my back!" "Oh, my back!" "Mr Clayton, how did this happen?" "All I know is that Stanley spilled something and was waxing it over..." "Oh, my back." "I understand, but did you call the valet?" "Oh, I see." "He must be making his rounds." "In that case, if you just call him again..." "Yes, sir, I see." "We'll have a boy up there right away." "Thank you." "Front boy!" "877, Mr Wheal, pick up." "Take these pants and have them pressed right away." "I have a heavy date tonight and I'll give you a heavy tip." "No, dear." "But I only..." "But you only..." "Yes, dear." "Once again, this is Barney Shank at the 18th green, bringing you the final minutes of this exciting $25,000 Open with the two finalists, Jack Keller and Dr Cary Middlecoff." "Middlecoff is making his approach." "Here goes the backswing and the ball is lofted high in the air." "It's going in..." "It must be about three feet away." "A beautiful, beautiful approach shot." "Just gorgeous." "Beautiful day for the game today." "It's very still, very quiet." "Everyone most anxious." "Here's Jack Keller putting." "There it goes." "It was beautiful." "That putt put Jack Keller even with Dr Cary Middlecoff." "If Cary Middlecoff makes this putt, it's like shooting fish in a barrel for old Dead Eye Middlecoff." "It will mean the 18-hole playoff tomorrow for the big $25,000 purse." "This has certainly been a gorgeous day today." "And there's a lot of money depending on this next putt, folks." "A lot of money." "Now the crowd is all settled." "No one is even breathing." "He's lining up the putt." "He sets himself." "And ladies and gentlemen, here is the big one." " Hi, Bob." " Hi, Hal." "You're a little late." "Yeah, I had a big date." "Just me, the chick and the full moon." " Now you hit me where I live." " You mean the chick?" "No, no, the full moon." "You know how I am about that astronomy jazz." "An old Greek astronomer said that when the man in the moon is smiling, all the stars and planets are swinging." "Mercury warms up a little bit more." "Jupiter starts jumping." "Venus puts on a new hairdo or manicure." "All the stars and planets are having a great, big party up there in the sky." "Sylvia, get up." "The sun is shining and it's a beautiful day." "Are you crazy?" "It's 3.30 in the morning." "For the money it's costing, we'll take the sun whenever they give it to us." "Stanley, Mr Novak wants to see you, on the double." "Check on that shipment." "And send that wire to New York." "It's important." "Hello?" "Oh, the senator." "Senator Tyson." "Yes, put him on." "Just a moment." "Go to the airport." "The captain of the National Airlines jet just flew in." "He left his briefcase in the cockpit of the plane." "Go and get it." "It's at Gate 39." "Hurry up." "Go on, go on." "Hello, Senator." "How are you?" "Last call for passengers, Flight 104 for Chicago and Los Angeles." "Now loading Gate 5." "Last call for passengers, Flight 104 for Chicago and Los Angeles." "Now loading Gate 5." "Last call." "We are sorry we cannot accommodate you but shall be happy to be of service in the future." "Cordially yours..." "Hello?" "Yes, this is Mr Novak." "Yes." "Sorry, we have 3,000 employees." "I couldn't know every one of them." "Oh, Stanley?" "Yes, he works for me." "He what?" "I just saw one man on the floor." "Where is everybody?" "They're inside having a meeting at the round table." "Looks like trouble." "I say one thing." "Striking is a matter of principle." "Then let the principles strike." "The seating at separate tables, no fraternisation." "And the bell captain and his storm-trooper tactics." "What we do after work is our business, not theirs." "You're right." "They shouldn't tell us to stay out of strip joints." "I like strippers." "Remember, fellas, the decision must be made now." "A-ha!" "So you're the ringleader." "I've caught you at last." "I thought you were a nice, quiet young man, and I find you're just a troublemaker." "This is how you treat me." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself." "I've given you a home away from home." "Yes, I have, you know I have." "And this is the way you repay me." "You're nothing but a strike creator." "Yes, a troublemaker, an instigator, a picket-plugger, yes, you are." "Stop shaking your head." "What's the matter with you?" "Can't you talk?" "Certainly I can talk." "I suspect I can talk as well as any other man, Mr Novak." "In that case... how is it we never heard you talk before?" "Because no one ever asked me." "So you see?" "There was no story." "But there is a moral, and a simple one." "You'll never know the next guy's story... unless you ask." "I'm Jerry Lewis." "I'll be talking about this marvellous work." "This is my very marvellous co-conspirator." "This is Steve Lawrence." "I'll be listening to all this stuff and commenting with Jerry." " I can't wait." " It's a festival." "It's a fest." "Jack Kruschen." "He played the doctor in The Apartment with Billy Wilder." "You know what I wanted?" "The fourth card to be Zsa Zsa Gabor." "I didn't have the guts to go for the joke." "That would've been good." "When did the idea for the story of The Bellboy come?" "This is 1960." "January '60." "I'm not only opening at the Fontainebleau, but I'm opening for the first time at the Fontainebleau." "I had the idea coming to the hotel." "Driving from the airport to the hotel, I said, "I got it."" "It's waiting for me, for my problem, my trauma, has just been served by someone building that 11 years ago." "And in the cab I thought of that opening sequence where we do a high shot, a down shot, a high down shot, of bellboys laid out in the sand, maids laid out, valets laid out." "It looked like a goddamn, most unbelievable nomenclature you've ever seen in your life of humans." "With Walter Winchell doing the narrative over that." "Walter Winchell himself." "It's hard to believe that there are 60 of them there." "It's hard to believe because there's probably only 40." "That's Eddie Shaeffer." " On the right?" " On the right." "Did Walter Scharf do most of the music on your films?" "Yes." "He did this as well." "There's one credit missing." "I didn't have the time nor the inclination." "I wrote the theme for the picture." "I'll let you hear it in a minute." " That's the theme." " This one, the one you wrote?" "I broke my whistle." " That was Herkie Styles." " A lot of comedians in this film." "Everyone in Florida." "Anyone who said hello to me was in the movie." "Sammy Shore, my goodness." "Herkie Styles." "Sonny Sands, I saw before." "I had Henry Bumstead doing my sets." "He's wonderful." "This could easily be the best visual joke that I ever saw." "Forgetting that I wrote it, I believe it's one of the best visual jokes." "It's great." "That's perfect." "One day I decided that the bellboys weren't working hard enough." "So I had props fill all of the luggage with 15-Ib lead weights." "So each bag had about three of them." "That's like 45 Ibs of lead." "You'll notice during the film anywhere there's a suitcase being carried, look at the face on the bellboy." " What, all of them?" " Watch this lift." "We missed it." "Silly sucker." "Which was in lieu of 11 sentences." "He's got one of the bags but he never let anyone know it." "February." "Wait a second." "That's a lot of days in February." "She was a model in the Neiman Marcus store there." "I saw her one afternoon and said, "You're in a movie."" "This was the thin person who was waiting to get out." "That's perfect, absolutely perfect." "What a boychik that makes trouble for people, right?" "That's wonderful." "My second favourite visual..." "Second favourite, I think." "I think he walked for an hour and a half, I'm not sure." "OK, that's one." " Is that Artie from the Dunhills?" " Exactly." " Art Stanley from the Dunhills." " A great dance act." "Perfect." "The manager's Alex Gerry, one of the best dramatic actors, who I had to convince it was all right for him to play this, and he did great." "Some faces you see, you recognise them from other pictures." "That's a big damn car." "This is the car from the circus, right?" "I sat down at a typewriter the night I arrived in Florida and I wrote The Bellboy." "I got up from typewriter and had the owner of the hotel take me everywhere in the hotel that he had." "And I'm walking around with a tape recorder." ""Perfect La Ronde Room." ""Boom Boom bar works for something." ""Oh, I got a great idea for this damn bell desk." ""Stairs leading from the bell desk to a mezzanine floor with great art."" "I looked the whole night." "I wrote a 163-page screenplay in nine days, and I was doing two shows a night." "I was on Tylenol and whatever pills I could pop to stay alive, stay up, do two shows, be responsible to those audiences that were paying heavy bucks." "I'd run up to my room in my wet tux because I'd thought of something." "You can burn the candle at both ends." "And in the middle." "At the same time." " You got it." " That's great." "No cut." "No cut in this shot." "We're using practical elevators." " This was shot at the Fontainebleau?" " Yeah." "Herkie." "He was cute, Herkie." "You know what the theme is?" "O, say can you see...?" " Really?" " That's it." " That was it." " Patriotic." "A one-note change but you'll never know it." "I do now." "I'm looking at the credits." "I have to have a long talk with Paramount." "My God, they eliminated the writer." "By law and contract I have a position here." "It is there, for God's sakes." "I didn't see it without my glasses." "At the top." "Milton Berle." "He's rolling." "Do you know how crazy people went?" "That's great." "He's perfect." "Great." "He's great." "There come my lovers." "Oh, man." "Did you call all the guys down in Florida to be in the picture?" "Oh, yeah." " Most of them were working there." " That had to be a big kick." "It was a Jerry movie, for God's sake." "Hey, I was absolutely in need of every shot I can get to elongate." "As it is, the movie runs 78 minutes." "Look at this." "You know who would've been great?" "Jackie Miles." "Did the racetrack jokes." "He took the horses... dogs for a walk." "That's all." "That's Billy Richmond, isn't it?" " Amazing how he looked like Stan." " He sure did." "We didn't do a damn thing." "I think we just powder-puffed him a little bit." "Just put the hat on him and the clothes." "That's it." "He had every movement of Stan's eyes." " And a fine drummer." " What a great drummer he was." "O, say can you see...?" "I heard it then." "I love the music right here where it makes for friendship." "Mistake." "Oh, what a mistake that man just made." "Watch this." "Neaten it up, come on." "That's it, neaten it up." " Papers." " God willing, the phone will ring." "That's where I had the two foot cues." "One was the bells." "You controlled it from behind the desk." "What was the shooting schedule?" "How many days?" "28." "Incredible." "If we were at the studio and it was normal production circumstances, it would've been like a 42- or 44-day schedule." "We did it in 28." "The crew were great." "They worked every day." "We had no time off." "We went straight 28 days." "Sensational." "There was a great group there, a marvellous organisation, called Gina Gals, it was an agency, modelling agency." " That's where the girls came from?" " Gina Gals." "And what they did after working hours..." " I can attest to the fact." " I could document ideas." "My God." "Thank God, it's OK, fine." "No." "There you go." "Good." "How a man never gets in trouble." "Now, that scene you just saw with that big divider," "I was bringing the crew from another shot going towards an interior like this and I said, "Wait a second, let's shoot this."" "There wasn't much preparation but I picked up shots through the shoot." "You poor bubby." "It has been said that The Bellboy was your homage, your tribute to Stan Laurel." " It was." " Did he get to see it?" "Yes." "And I wouldn't shoot it until he said go for it." "I sent him the script, and I didn't have the time that you have with preparation, and I'll never forget I got a messenger service from the Fontainebleau to deliver to Stan in Malibu within one day." "I sent him..." "I had deleted some after-the-fact scenes I was writing." "So I sent him the script and he called me after he read it." "He said, "It's wonderful."" "There was one thing he thought I shouldn't do." "It was a tasteless bit and I threw it out." "If Stan told me something was negative, I wouldn't go near it." "We're talking about God, about the knowledge of filmmaking." "And in the film, I paid homage to Stan a couple of times." "He loved it." "He was just so thrilled." "He accepted it with the humility the man had." "You know, he became paralysed the day he picked up the phone and they said OIlie died." "He paralysed on that side that held the phone." "Did you know that?" "They had to pry the phone out of his hand and did surgery to get the phone out of his hand." " His hand, that side, was paralysed?" " Paralysed around the phone." "They did surgery to get the phone out." "This is the way he stayed for the rest of his life." "He wouldn't go out, go to dinner with me, do anything, and I finally said to him, "There's a life out there for you." ""You have to go with me." He said, "I can't." "Why?"" "He said, "I can't take the chance of children seeing me that way."" "But you did hear from him after he saw the film?" " God, I had five years with him." " That had to be like cloud nine?" "Absolutely, Steve." "It'd be the same thing if you had that thing with..." "When Sinatra called me and said, "I heard your recording of this..."" "What's better than that?" "If Caruso were alive, he'd say," ""Steve Lawrence is the best pop singer ever."" " I heard from him." " You're lying." " Nicky Caruso calls me to this day." " Not Nicky Caruso." "Be my lunch!" "And hold me by the side of Helen!" "I love you, like millions out there." "I love you, Steve, you're my favourite." "You're my favourite fan." "No cut." "Except there." "The toughest part was we were using a lot of the hotel guests who weren't theatrically oriented and keeping them down, stop them looking at..." " At the camera." " At the camera." "And the work." "That was something you'd never figured on." " This was not a guest." " Not there." "That's BS Pulley." "He was working at the Five O'CIock Club." " Martha Raye's place?" " Mike Sachs in the back." "Black hat." "Slapsie Maxie." "He was playing..." "That's Joe E Ross." " They were all working in Miami." " Incredible." "They were thrilled when I gave them 7 am calls when they had all gotten to bed at 5:15 or 6:00." "They'd come over to me during the shoot." ""Jerry, tomorrow, you won't need us that early?"" "I said, "My assistant director makes up the call sheet."" "They said, he says 6:45." "I said, "He knows what he's talking about."" " They tried everything." " They got to bed five in the morning." "So I said, "Just come over here from the club and you're on."" "Then the looks I got from them were incredible." "I wouldn't get to them till 11 or 11:30 in the morning." "What looks I got." "Very important." "See the cue?" "Here's where music makes the scene work." "That's wonderful." "This was a news broadcaster," "Bob Clayton, who did weather on one of the key stations, and then he was an anchor at night." "We were shuffling him from the station to the set." "I had three, four drivers just taking care of his needs." "This is some group." "Did you ever see Frankie of the Novelites?" "Novelites, yeah." "Frankie." "There he is." "He was wonderful." "I love him." " What a funny man." " Frankie?" "A good act, the Novelites." "They worked all the time." "Them and the Vagabonds." "Frankie, he was wonderful." "He was wonderful." "I used to love them." "A couple of executives at Paramount after I'd previewed the film, they wanted to know if I wasn't concerned about how funny he was." "I said, "What are you talking about?"" "That's what good movies are." "I want great talent in it." "He killed the audience." "He was wonderful." "I used to see him in Florida and Vegas all the time." " We are talking about 43 years ago." " That's right." "He's gotta be 80 years old." "I'm trying to make him a couple of years older than me." "Notice that?" "This pool area at the Fontainebleau." "It was like Coney Island." "Always." "This visual was another favourite, because it was the kind of joke that I watched in Europe and they screamed at the joke." "Roy Sedley." "I love it." " Remember Roy Sedley, the comic?" " No." "He was before your time and mine." "But he was very popular in the 52nd St jazz joints." "Don't remember Roy Sedley." "I'm getting caught up in the movie again." "What is this?" "It's been a while since we've seen it." ""There's a crazy guy having lunch at the bottom."" " Was he at the bottom?" " Yeah." "We had to use those weights to actually keep him down." "Great pieces of luggage, the steamer trunks." "You could live out of them." "She was Hartong." "This was Hartmann." "We used to travel with steamer trunks." "George Burns said," ""I'm gonna give you our trunks when we retire." George and Gracie." "Did you ever see one man get in so much trouble?" "You?" "All the time." "You know, Jerry, when you direct a film, and star in it, and write it, 'cause you're not looking at rushes, how do you know when you want to shoot something again, from in front of the camera?" "That's the beauty of the video assist." " Were you using it at this time?" " There wasn't tape to look at." " I had to go in real time." " Catching it as you were doing it?" "Absolutely." "Here, there were six monitors at the bottom of the stairs for me to see, wherever my head went, I was covered." " Larry Best." " Larry was also appearing in Florida." "That was his act." "Asking directions." "Besides checking the geography of the hotel," "I ran around town to see what clubs were where and who was appearing." "I had to do it all." "I'm writing all night." "By day, I'm checking how to write who in which sequence." ""Come at 7:00." "I'll run up the steps and you eat your apple."" "And these wonderful kids, performers," ""I'm gonna be in a movie?" "Are you kidding?" "Your movie?"" " They were thrilled, I'm sure." " They were like 60 or 70 performers that had never even been near other than going to a movie." "That had to be a thrill for them." "Cue." "Did you ever see a sneakier best in your life?" "Turns his head away from camera." ""Cue the track."" ""Hit the track." When I hum, you know..." "Great." "That you're still in one piece today is an amazement." "It is." "Isn't it amazing?" "And who told you I'm in one piece?" "Well, you were reassembled very well." "They put you together very well." "Oh, my." "Do you remember the name Jack Durant?" "That's him." " He was also a very good comic." " Jack played the vibes, did he?" " Yep." " And he danced?" " Great falls, flips." " Incredible." "And years ago, it was Mitchell Durant." "A greatcomedyact ." "Very physical, Jack." " Was he working in town, too?" " Yeah." "Of course." " You saved on the plane fare." " You bet." "Oh, you bet." "Oh, dear." "What a boy did to his body." "All for the beautiful stars around the mountain." "The Paramount family..." "This is information not a lot of people know." "For 17 years, I had a contract with Paramount:" "My handshake." " Nothing on paper." " The worst kind of contract." "It was the only contract of its kind in the motion picture industry." "Unheard of to have somebody committed to do 12, 14, 15 films, representative of maybe 800 million in ticket purchases, without a signature, without a contract." "The day that Barney Balaban died, they had sent pages from New York because the company then became Gulf  Western." "I wasn't interested in them." "I fell in love with Paramount." "I wasn't gonna stay." "When the papers came, I wouldn't sign them." "I had a truck on that lot the next day and we moved off." "Y Frank left." "Jack Karp was gone." "Barney passed away." " Mr Zukor had passed away." " The handshake people were gone." "I didn't want to go into a corporate..." "I knew what would happen." "Paramount let me play." "They said, "Here's the studio, enjoy yourself."" "That's exactly what they did." "The people you were dealing with were handshake people." "Samuel Goldwyn coined the phrase," ""A handshake is not worth the paper it's written on."" "He said, "Don't let reporters bother you." "Don't even ignore them."" "They came to me when I'm doing The Bellboy, ready to shoot the next day." "Paramount calls and it's Jack Karp, head of the studio." ""We're all very concerned." "What should we do?" ""We don't want to participate with you, be your partner," ""in a movie that's a silent film."" "I said, "Who told you Bellboy is a silent film?"" "He said, "That's my understanding." I said, "Your understanding is wrong." ""But if you have some compunction about it," ""take your money out and let me use mine," ""I'm ready to shoot tomorrow." "I have no time for this."" "I didn't have the $900,000 to put up in front but I had a crew of 185 people that said, let's go for it." "Each and every one of them got one per cent of the profits." "They're still getting cheques." " A wonderful story." " So, anyhow, I make the movie." "I finish 28 shooting days in Florida." "I'm cutting it at the Sands Hotel where I'm appearing twice nightly." "No smoking." "And we release it on time and it blew out of the theatres." "It was an incredible smash." "Paramount calls and says, "We're happy for you."" "They said, "Sure, it's all yours." "No partners."" "I said, "No, you can't get back in, either."" "Because Sid Justin, a wonderful attorney, had called me and you could hear it in his voice, "Could we talk about that mistake?"" "We can talk about it but we can't do anything about it." "It's amazing that it raised that kind of money." "Stream of consciousness can take you anywhere." "Wonderful." "That's wonderful." "When we were exploring the hotel and I found they had the valet service, this routine came out of an accident where I accidentally shut the steam presser and I couldn't get it open and it built a joke for me that I did right here." "Here we go." "Press them up, baby." "Make them nice." "Attaboy." " While you're pressing, I got a jacket." " Yes, do this later." "Fix that." " Was this working?" "The steam?" " You bet." "It was practical." " This wasn't planned?" " No, this was." "This is what happened when I examined the layout the day before." "I said, "I got a great joke for this room."" " It had stuck." " Yeah." "Delivering them back now." " Boy in trouble." " Should have slid 'em under the door." "I didn't think about it." "That would've been a good visual." "Let me ask you, you shot this in the hotel." "It looks like night-time." " At this point, no." " During the day?" " When you weren't working." " Yeah." "This had to be a disruption to the hotel." "We took care of everything." "We moved when they had to work." "It worked out great." "I had a tremendous staff." "So the hotel was functioning and you were shooting." "We never got in their way." "They never got in ours." "And you're doing two shows a night." "You're the original Jerry Lewis?" "Actually, he passed away the night of the opening." "It's Cassius Clay." "Oh..." "You know, if this was in a museum today, it'd be worth a lot of money." "That's for sure." " But I..." " But I..." "Now, this scene, which we shot at the Miami Country Club is a sequence that I wrote, which happened to my press agent." "His name was Jack Keller, my press agent, who was a left-handed pro for 30 years before he came to work for me." "And he told me the story of a sudden-death play-off that he had with a pro, in this case it's Cary Middlecoff, but as you see this play out, you will see the actual scene that happens here happened to Jack Keller." "It cost him $50,000." "That's Del Moore's voice again but I stuck it in this guy's mouth." " He was a fine golfer, Middlecoff." " You bet." "Now, this was night-for-night." "No tricks for this until the gag." "Wonderful." "When you watch this movie again, you can understand why people did not know that the kid didn't talk." "Have you thought about it since you're watching it?" "No, I have not." "Have you?" "Yes." "This is my all-time favourite visual gag." "It replaces the Volkswagen a little bit, I think." "Walter was wonderful playing bridges and buttons without it being Mickey Mouse." "You don't know how I hate Mickey Mouse." "National Airlines." "Just "He what?"" "Not only is he taking the plane but he's buzzing the building." " This was done how?" " Right there." "I gimballed the whole set." "Pretty good guys." "My favourite thing is that he's bringing it in like a professional." "As sweet a landing as you've ever seen, right?" "Three-point." "Here again, Stevie, is where music is so important." "Right here." "That's why I struck it." " The whole thing was shot..." " In the hotel." "The only exterior was the racetrack and the golf tournament." " Wonderful, Jerry." " Yeah, I guess I'm proud of it." " I guess." " You should be." "It's a wonderful film." "(MUSIC:" "BRASS FANFARE)" "Hello." "Allow me to introduce myself." "I am Jackie Mulchen, the executive producer in charge of all productions here at Paramount." "And before showing this picture, I thought I should at least explain." "The motion picture you're about to see isn't the run-of-the-mill film fare that has been presented to the moviegoing public of late." "It's quite easy making this type of picture, filled with love, emotion and tears." "And of course, we could easily make the space violence and horror films that are enjoyed by many peoples of the world." "But we chose to make what you're about to see." "A film based on fun." "And it's just a little different insofar as there is no story and no plot." "That's right." "I said no story, no plot." "It is actually a series of silly sequences." "Or you might say it is a visual diary of a few weeks in the life of a real nut." "And it's real silly." "Oh, put it on." "Show it to 'em." "Put it on!" "This is Walter Winchell reporting, and this is Miami Beach at night." "The nights here are the same as anywhere else." "No sun." "This is the same Miami Beach, daytime." "It is just waking up, rubbing the sand out of its palms, ready for another "let's be pretty for the tourists" day, a day that could never get started without the people who provide the services" "that are required in order that the visitor is satisfied." "The people who serve are the real backbone, the people who serve and work in order that you might pay  that is, play." "(MUSIC:" "MILITARY-S TYLE DRUMS)" "Company..." "Halt!" "And of course, there are chefs, chambermaids, clerks, hostesses, waiters, doormen, bartenders, waitresses, musicians and entertainers." "But these men are the real unsung heroes of a hotel, the men who have no real direction." "They are called on day and night, for anything, from burping babies to walking the dog." "These are the men who are almost always called upon for services above and beyond the call of duty." "Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I call them men, but everyone else calls for... the bellboy." "(WHISTLES)" "(SHRILL WHISTLE BLOWN)" "As the bellboys break ranks, they all know where to go and what to do." "That is, most of them." "(FAS T PIANO MUSIC)" "How are you?" "Here, Stanley." "Get everything out of the trunk." "George, come help me." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello, Mr Hartman." "How are you?" " Yes, we..." " I need a couple of guys..." " Yes, we have your trunks." " (PHONE)" "I can't hear very well." "What did you say?" "Oh, yes, of course." "We've got beautiful accommodations." "I'm sure you'll be happy with them." "We'd be delighted to see you." "Yes." "Yes, thank you." "Goodbye." "(SHRILL WHISTLE)" " I'm Mr Carter." "I have a reservation." " Yes, sir, Mr Carter." "Sign here, please." "It's nice to have you with us again." "Unfortunately, I can't stay too long." "This has to be a hit-and-run vacation." "We certainly hope you enjoy your stay." "Front boy!" "Mr Carter is in Room 625." "We certainly hope you enjoy your stay, Miss Winkly." "Front boy!" "Miss Winkly is in Room 626." "It's so nice to see you again, Mrs Hartong." "Let me help you." "You're very lucky." "We've been having wonderful weather, Mrs Hartong." "Here we go, that's it." "Easy." "That's it now." "Boy, open that bag and hang those things up in the closet." "(MR CARTER HUMS CHEERFULLY)" "Well, if it isn't Mrs Hartong back with us again." "I hope it isn't because of dieting again." "Don't you fret." "We'll do all we can." "But you'll have to stay away from the candy." " I know, I know." " Good." "Clerk, the key to Room 988 for Mrs Hartong, please." "I'm sure you'll be very happy in the new wing, Mrs Hartong." "I'd like to leave a forwarding address." "Certainly." "Two weeks certainly did fly by, Mrs Hartong." "They certainly did." " You look wonderful." " Thank you." "You kept away from the candy." " Goodbye, Mr Novak." "Thank you." " Goodbye." "Move that car over." "Pull it over, that's it." "Now move the other one!" "What a day I've put in." "Oh, Mrs Hartong, I didn't recognise you." "You look crazy." "I mean, great." "Thank you, Carl." "Has my uncle's car arrived yet?" "Not yet, Mrs Hartong." "I'll call and check." "Thank you." "Mrs Hartong is right here." "Mrs Hartong, your uncle asked if you would please wait." "He'll be here in 20 minutes." " That'll be fine." "I'll wait." " All right." "Mrs Hartong said it'll be fine." "Thank you." " Would you care to sit here?" " Thank you." "Stanley, you've been at this for 40 minutes." "Get going, will you?" "(STANLEY WHISTLES)" "I don't mind you helping the guys." "But you've been here for over an hour." "Get back to the bell desk." "On the double!" "Stanley!" "(STANLEY WHISTLES)" " I don't get it." " Get what?" "This kid loves his work." "Now you've got that done, please be good enough..." "Let me rephrase that." "To keep you out of mischief, set up the seats for the motion picture tonight." "Stanley, we don't talk back." "Get along, get along." "(LOUD FOOTSTEPS)" "What is it?" "I've never seen you laugh so hard." "I've got Stanley on theatre seating duty." "Alone?" "How long has he been in there?" "I just sent him." "It'll take two or three days." " Let's go and watch." " OK." "Let's go." "(STANLEY WHISTLES)" "He's fast." "Mr Novak, I'm so excited." "I've never seen a movie star up close before." "Enjoy yourself." "It's Jerry Lewis." "Mother used to take me to see him when I was a kid." "He'll be here in a moment." "Be sure that all the accommodations are exactly as he ordered." "Whatever you do, be pleasant." "There he is." "Places, everybody." "Places." "(MOTOR CAVALCADE SIREN)" " No autographs, please." " Stand back, folks." "Stand back." "No autographs." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Hold it." " Is this where we register?" " Yes, sir." "Right this way." "Hold it." "Hold it!" "Hold it." "Back." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Hold it!" "Stop with the brushing." "We've been together a long time." "I've asked you many things and you've come through for me." "Now I'm asking you to hold it." "Stop pushing, stop rushing, just hold it." "We're all adults and I'll expect you all to conduct yourselves as an adult will." "Hold it." "I've never asked you this but I'm asking you now, simply, purely, hold it!" "I'm a nervous wreck." "Let me have a cigarette." " Thank you." "A light?" " Yes, sir." "All right." "All right." "All right!" "Hold it." "Stop with the brushing." "Another cigarette, please." "I'll smoke it dry." "Mr Lewis, we're all excited about your appearance at the Fontainebleau." "We should be used to celebrities by now." "We've had some of the big ones staying." "Wrong Way Corrigan." "Ma Perkins." "And don't forget Bill Holden's aunt." "Bill Holden's aunt." "Yes." "I would like very much, if you don't mind, to get to my room as soon as possible." " Did you have a pleasant journey?" " Fine." "He's so funny." "This is the private entrance to the hotel." "Your suite is on the fifth floor and totally secluded." "I'm sure you'll like it." "That's wonderful." " He's always good for a laugh." " He sure is funny." "I would like the seclusion and privacy." "I had a terrible mishap a week ago in the family." "An aunt died and..." "Nothing like a laugh!" "He sure is funny!" "(LAUGHTER STOPS ABRUPTLY)" " Would you care to register, Mr Lewis?" " I'd like to register and go to the room." "All right!" "I need another card." "It's all right." "You may register in your suite." "This way." "Thank you very much." "I..." "Back, back!" "Back!" "We're gonna go in the elevator and we're gonna go single file like nice people." " Remember, hold it." "Leon?" " Yes, chief?" " Who are all these people?" " They all work for you." "Who's the guy with the straw hat?" "He's the guy that tells you who we are." "That's good." "I wouldn't have known." "I got such a bunch of people." "(LEWIS) This is a very nice room." "Where's the bed?" "Oh, it's the elevator." "Wait, don't push." "That's it." "Just file in." "Move to your left." "That's it." "Now let me get in." "Let me get into the side." "That's it." "Get off." "You're stepping on my suede..." "Will you stop with the brushing?" "I'm awfully sorry, Ben." "These people are just so overanxious." "I appreciate it." "You've got to have your staff." "I've got a barber and a gardener and people assisting me." "When I do the shows I try my best to do what I can to perform and I need the elements and all of these people function for me..." "Stop brushing." "(STANLEY WHISTLES)" " Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" " Yeah." "But there couldn't be two of them." "Right?" "Right." "Hey, Stanley couldn't be a Clark Kent, could he?" "Don't be silly." "But he could be a Lamont Cranston." "Bell captain." "He didn't?" "I'm sorry, sir." "Yes, sir, right away." "Front boy." "That brown rawhide bag goes up to the Lewis entourage." "On the double." "Stanley." "On the double!" " There you are." " For me, Mr Berle." "Yes, ma'am." "There are a lot of autograph hounds." "Mr Berle, my little daughter sings." "She sings every time the neighbours come over." "What should I do?" "Move." "Deliver this to Milton Berle right away." " Thank you." " You're welcome." " Please?" " Sure, young lady." "You know, you look like a girl I know from New York." "Were you ever...?" "Just a minute, son." "Are you down here with your mother?" "Your mother's down here with you?" "Just a minute, son, please." "There you are, young lady." "Would you do me a favour?" "You must learn never to interrupt anybody when they're busy." "I don't care what you want to say, but you must learn etiquette, politeness." "Don't look over there." "Look at me." "Be a good boy." "Never interrupt people." "The rudest thing to do is to interrupt people when they're trying to..." "Oh, you have a message for me." "I'm sorry." "I didn't know." "Here's a tip." "Milton." "Hi, Milt." "What's the matter?" " Milty?" " You wouldn't believe it." "You wouldn't believe it." "Milton, what's the matter?" " Message for Jerry Lewis." " Right here, boy." " Mr Lewis." " Yes?" "Thank you." "What's the trouble, sir?" "Nothing." "You wouldn't understand or believe it." "There's a lot of kooks in this hotel." "Straighten up there!" "(YAPPING)" "Let's go." " Where's Stanley?" " I don't know." " We said we'd wait for him." " We'll miss the first race." "Stanley, the races go on in 20 minutes." "You're off duty now." " We'll talk later." "Let's go." " Go get dressed." "Let's go." "We'll meet you outside." " Where's Stanley now?" " Who knows?" " Let's go." " We're late already." "He's a speedy boy!" "What do you think, Herkie?" "I can't make up my mind." "How about you, Dave?" "I'm thinking." "Sonny, how does it look to you?" "Well, I don't know." "Looks like our friend Flicka has vanished again." " Where did this kid go?" " He probably went to make a bet." "I don't have to go nowhere to bet he's into mischief." "(P.A.) Attention, please." "May we have your attention?" "Due to circumstances beyond our control we have to cancel the first race." "We are very sorry." "Please make your bets for the second race and all the first race bets will be refunded at the windows." "Thank you." "Locker room." "Is Stanley down there?" "OK." "Thank you." "Have you seen Stanley out there by the pool?" "All right." "Thanks a lot." "Coffee shop." "Have you seen Stanley?" "Which Stanley?" "The only Stanley in the world." "Is there anything I can do for you, sir?" "(LOOKALIKE WHISTLES STANLEY'S TUNE)" "Front boy!" "Stanley, take over for a few minutes." "I'll be right back." "(PHONE RINGS... ) (STOPS RINGING)" "(PHONE RINGS... ) (STOPS)" "(RINGS AND STOPS)" "(PHONE RINGS... ) (STOPS)" "(ONE RING)" "(PHONE RINGS... ) (STOPS)" "(PHONE RINGS... ) (STOPS)" "(GENERAL CHATTER)" "(SCREAMS)" "(SHRILL WHISTLE)" "All right." "What's the matter with you?" "You've seen pretty girls before." "We've had model conventions before." "When these girls are here in this hotel, they're treated like any other guest." "What you do during working hours is our business." "And what you do after working hours is our business." "Don't fool around." "Remember, no girl is that important." "I think." "Mr Novak, you know I'm very faithful to this hotel and to you." "I do my job and keep from bothering you with a lot of petty annoyances." "Today, something happened I've got to tell you about." "When the models convention came into the hotel, the bellhops lined up and as the models came in, every single bellhop grabbed a girl." "They jumped out of line, grabbed a girl." "Every single one of them had a girl." "Except me, and I think it's pretty darn unfair." "(CHATTERING)" "(KNOCK AT DOOR)" "(NO SOUND)" "I keep telling you, I keep telling you, I keep telling you, and I keep telling you, stop spending money." "I'll stop spending money when you stop spending money." "Don't live my life for me." "I wouldn't, except that I have to live it with you." " Shut it!" " Shut what?" " Your big mouth." " My big mouth?" "If you measured it, you'd find my mouth is just a pinhole compared to the Holland Tunnel you've got." " You asked for it." " Don't hit my husband." "You dog." "Where do you come off, butting in on our business?" "Don't you dare!" "How dare you?" "Busybody, nosy." "Mind your own business." "Come on, honey." "Don't pay any attention to him." "He don't know what he's talking about." "My darling!" "I'm telling you, either you see to it that your men are dressed neatly and clean or there's going to be trouble." "We're not running a gymnasium." "This is a very high-class hotel." " Do you understand?" " Yes, sir." " I'll say it again." "Neat, clean, nice." " Yes, sir." "Good taste, good clothes, refinement, distinction." "That is very, very important." "Put this in my cabana." "Bell captain." "No, sir, I'm sorry, you'll have to call room service." "Company, halt!" " Left face!" " Left face!" "This will be a half-hour break." "March!" "Hup, hup, hup!" "(PHONE)" "Bell captain." "(GENTEEL MURMURINGS)" "(NOIS Y CHATTERING)" "Sit down." "There's no one there." "What do you want?" "A green light?" "Sit down and eat your food." "And shut up!" "As I was saying, when someone pushes you around and keeps pushing you around, soon you're not gonna be around to get pushed around." " Bravo." "Bravo!" " You're always right, boss." "Remember what I'm telling you." "Go tell Deadeye to take it easy or else it's gonna be very hot." "I think you're wrong." "We're not gonna get anywhere with muscling anybody." "Things today are different than they were." "Why can't you just be sweet?" ""Can't you just be sweet?" I don't want to be sweet!" "I want to be the way I always was - miserable." "I want to be like they say on television, "an ornery critter"." "Now remember what I'm telling you." "Get hold of Deadeye and kick a hole in his chest." "Knock his brains out, bite his jugular vein." "And remember one thing." "No violence." "Here's a kid with an honest face." "Tell me, am I right or are they right?" "There, you see?" "I'm right." "That's what I like." "A kid what's got class." "Esther, if we don't get a room" "I'm getting the first plane back to New York in the morning." "I'm completely exhausted." "You and your bright ideas." "I don't blame you, but it wasn't my fault they didn't receive the telegram." "Look, Dottie, I have an idea." "That old boyfriend of mine, Bob Clayton?" "He's a bell captain here." "I bet he can find accommodations for us." "You just relax." "I'll be back in a minute." "OK?" "(SHE SIGHS)" "Stanley!" "(WHISTLES)" "I couldn't care less about your problems." "I've got a very responsible position." "I'm in charge of all the transportation for this hotel." "Yes, I know, but..." "Look, I don't give a darn." "We're going to work this thing out..." "Either you do it the way I say or you can come here and we'll try to straighten it out, sir." "Yes, sir, thank you very much." " Mr Novak, about this call..." " Never mind." "This is more important." "We're responsible for the actions of your boys." "At all times, you are to see to it that they conduct themselves in a manner befitting a man wearing the uniform of the Fontainebleau!" "Count on me." "I'll keep them out of the strip joints if it's the last thing I do." "(LIVELY BAND MUSIC)" "(M. C.) And now, friends and folks, we're glad to present those terrific fellas, the Novelites." "Howdy, neighbours." "It's sure good this evening." "I got a surprise for you." "I brought a couple of kinfolk along." "On my right is my old happy cousin, Smiley McCoy." "Come out, Smiley boy." "Doggone, it's sure good to see you, you little maverick, you." "Doggone, you're looking mighty fine, Smiley boy." "Do me a favour." "Take a step forward." "These are nice people sitting out here." "Don't be afraid." "Take yourself a step forward." "Tell you what to do, Smiley." "Take a big old step forward and give the folks..." " Ah-ah!" " Oh, God." "Just take a step forward." "That ain't too much." "Take a little bitty step forward and give them your Arthur Murray smile." "We're gonna feature Zeke on the guitar." "He's gonna take hold of that guitar and twang it for you." "Gonna grab that guitar, he gon' twang it for ya..." "As a matter of fact, he's gonna take hold of that little old guitar, folks, he gonna twang-twang it for you." "Grab guitar, twang-twang a li... bif...!" "I tell you, he gonna grab hold of that guitar down there, twist it up, tune it up, gonna twang-twang-twang it for you!" "Grab it, gonna twangy-twang-twang!" " Look, I'm trying..." " Ah!" "What's the matter?" "He's gonna grab that guitar, gonna twang-feet it for you!" "Flang-flip-wibba-bum...!" "(TALKS GIBBERISH)" "Ah!" "We're about set do a song entitled "The Alabama Jubilee"." " You ready there?" " Ready." "(VERY FAST SINGING) # Rumdum-didlee-dee-ai..." "# You oughta see Deacon Jones How he rattled some bones" "# Old parson Brown How he dances a clown" "# Old Aunt Jemima Who's done passed eighty-three" "# Shoutin' "I'm full of pep!" Now watch your step, watch your step" "# Uncle Joe danced aroun' on his toe" "# Threw away his crutch And hollered "Let 'er go!"" "# Well, it's hail, hail The gang's all here" "# For the Alabama Jubilee..." "# Because it's hail Hail the gang's all here" "# For the Alabama Jubi..." "Alabama Jubi..." "# Alabama Jubilee... #" "And here's the little doll you've all been waiting for, Rock Candy!" "(BURLESQUE MUSIC)" "(CHEERS AND WOLF WHISTLES)" "I can't tell you how upset I am about this." "You're upset?" "I have to go back to New York and do a TV show." "Relax, Mr Sedley, relax." "Relax, my eye." "I'm going to find out who did this terrible thing to me." "He has ruined my entire career." "You can sit here, son." "It's OK." "Sit here." "I'm through." "Hi, Stanley." "Hey, gang!" "There's a crazy guy having lunch down the bottom of the pool." "Take a look!" "Front boy." "Stanley, see that steamer trunk?" "Go down there and get me..." "Stanley, you never let me finish what I'm going to say." "If you had listened, you would know that I did not want the steamer trunk." "I wanted what was on the steamer trunk." "If you'd listened and waited, you'd have found out that I wanted the hatbox that was sitting on the steamer trunk." "You dashed away before you gave me a chance to explain." "Go back, put the steamer trunk back and get me the hatbox that is sitting on..." "Stanley!" "...that is sitting on the steamer trunk." "All right, go..." "Stanley!" "(GLASS SHATTERS)" "Thank you, Stanley." "Would you like a bite?" "This is delicious." "(CRUNCHING SOUND)" "Greatest apples in the world." "Only one place you get these apples." "You go down here... make a left." "(MUMBLES THROUGH MUNCHING SOUNDS)" "Sure you don't want...?" "Just wonderful." "(CRUNCHING SOUND)" "(FEMININE VOICE) Mother, I've been here almost six weeks, and all I've been able to do so far is go to the movies, and alone, or just sit around the pool." "What, Mother?" "No, there aren't any nice young people I'd like to go out with." "They're either after my money or they just want to drive my Rolls-Royce." "So until I find a nice, quiet, unassuming someone who's only interested in me and not my millions," "I'll have to go to the movies." "Because remember, Mother, movies are your best entertainment." "Give my best to everyone in Australia." "All right, Mother, be well, and I'll call you again in ten minutes." "Goodbye." "Where were you when I needed you?" "Get your hand off." "Am I to understand the suite for Mr and Mrs Manville isn't ready?" " I'm sorry." " Where are they?" "Right over there, sir." "(GIGGLING)" "Mr and Mrs Manville, sorry the suite wasn't ready when you arrived." "That's perfectly all right, Mr Novak." "We understand, but we won't for long." "Speak for yourself." "I'm anxious to get to the room and open my presents." "Please, hold on a little longer." "Your suite will be ready in half an hour." "Couldn't we have one room in 15 minutes?" "I'll check again, Mrs Manville." "What difference does it make?" "We're content, aren't we?" "Of course, Ferdinand, but we were engaged for 13 years." "Now that we're married..." "We're all set." "If you just follow me, I'll show you to your suite." " Oops." " Oh, God." "Oh, my back!" "(SHE SCREAMS)" "Oh, my back!" "Mr Clayton, how did this happen?" "All I know is that Stanley spilled something and was waxing it over... (MR MANVILLE GROANS, STANLEY WHISTLES)" "Oh, my back." "I understand, but did you call the valet?" "Oh, I see." "He must be making his rounds." "In that case, if you just call him again..." "Yes, sir, I see." "We'll have a boy up there right away." "Thank you." "Front boy!" "877, Mr Wheal, pick up." "(WHISTLES)" "Take these pants and have them pressed right away." "I have a heavy date tonight and I'll give you a heavy tip." "(HUMS A CHA-CHA TUNE)" "(HIS WHISTLING ECHOES)" "(PIANO KEY TAPS A BEAT)" "(SNARE DRUM TAPS A BEAT)" "(PIANO)" "(DRUM)" "(S TRING SEC TION)" "(MOUTHS)" "(BRASS SEC TION)" "(MOUTHS)" "(WHOLE ORCHES TRA - OUT OF TUNE)" "(PIANO..." "DRUM)" "(WHOLE ORCHES TRA" " IN TUNE)" "(BASS DRUM)" "(WHOLE ORCHES TRA)" "(O VER-ENTHUSIAS TIC DRUMMING)" "(MOUTHS)" "(RECEDING FOO TS TEPS)" "(DRUM CLATTERS)" "(SHRILL PICCOLO)" "(DEEP BASSOON)" "(BASSOON OFF-KEY)" "(PICCOLO..." "BASSOON)" "(WHOLE WOODWIND SEC TION)" "(BASSOON..." "PICCOLO)" "(SNARE DRUM)" "(KETTLEDRUM)" "(WHOLE ORCHES TRA - MARCHING BEAT)" "(BUILDS TO A CLIMAX)" "(FAINT IMAGINARY APPLAUSE)" "(APPLAUSE INCREASES)" "(CHEERING)" "(MAN ON PHONE) No, dear." "But I only..." "But you only..." "Yes, dear." "Hey!" "(QUIETLY) Once again, this is Barney Shank at the 18th green, bringing you the final minutes of this exciting $25,000 Open with the two finalists, Jack Keller and Dr Cary Middlecoff." "Middlecoff is making his approach." "Here goes the backswing and the ball is lofted high in the air." "It's going in..." "It must be about three feet away." "A beautiful, beautiful approach shot." "Just gorgeous." "Beautiful day for the game today." "It's very still, very quiet." "Everyone most anxious." "Here's Jack Keller putting." "There it goes." "It was beautiful." "That putt put Jack Keller even with Dr Cary Middlecoff." "If Cary Middlecoff makes this putt, it's like shooting fish in a barrel for old Deadeye Middlecoff." "It will mean the 18-hole play-off tomorrow for the big $25,000 purse." "This has certainly been a gorgeous day today." "And there's a lot of money depending on this next putt, folks." "A lot of money." "Now the crowd is all settled." "No one is even breathing." "He's lining up the putt." "He sets himself." "And ladies and gentlemen, here is the big one." " (FLASHBULB) - (CROWD GROANS)" " Hi, Bob." " Hi, Hal." "You're a little late." "Yeah, I had a big date." "Just me, the chick and the full moon." " Now you hit me where I live." " You mean the chick?" "No, no, the full moon." "You know how I am about that astronomy jazz." "An old Greek astronomer said that when the man in the moon is smiling, all the stars and planets are swinging." "Mercury warms up a little bit more." "Jupiter starts jumping." "Venus puts on a new hairdo or manicure." "All the stars and planets are having a great big party up there in the sky." "(STANLEY WHISTLES)" "Sylvia, get up." "The sun is shining and it's a beautiful day." "Are you crazy?" "It's 3.30 in the morning." "For the money it's costing, we'll take the sun whenever they give it to us." "Stanley, Mr Novak wants to see you, on the double." "Check on that shipment." "And send that wire to New York." "It's important." " (PHONE)" " Hello?" "Oh, the senator." "Senator Tyson." "Yes, put him on." "Just a moment." "Go to the airport." "The captain of the National Airlines jet just flew in." "He left his briefcase in the cockpit of the plane." "Go and get it." "It's at Gate 39." "Hurry up." "Go on, go on." "Hello, Senator." "How are you?" "(ENGINE SPLUTTERS)" "(P.A.) Last call for passengers, Flight 104 for Chicago and Los Angeles." "Now loading Gate 5." "Last call for passengers, Flight 104 for Chicago and Los Angeles." "Now loading Gate 5." "Last call." "We are sorry we cannot accommodate you but shall be happy to be of service in the future." "Cordially yours... (PHONE)" "Hello?" "Yes, this is Mr Novak." "Yes." "Sorry, we have 3,000 employees." "I couldn't know every one of them." "Oh, Stanley?" "Yes, he works for me." "He what?" "(ENGINES ROAR)" "(SIRENS)" "(WHISTLING)" "(STUNNED SILENCE FROM CROWD)" "I just saw one man on the floor." "Where is everybody?" "They're inside having a meeting at the round table." "Looks like trouble." "I say one thing." "Striking is a matter of principle." "Then let the principles strike!" "The seating at separate tables, no fraternisation." "And the bell captain and his storm-trooper tactics." "What we do after work is our business, not theirs." "You're right." "They shouldn't tell us to stay out of strip joints." "I like strippers." "Remember, fellas, the decision must be made now." "(ALL TALK AT ONCE)" "(THUMP)" "Aha!" "So you're the ringleader." "I've caught you at last." "I thought you were a nice, quiet young man, and I find you're just a troublemaker." "This is how you treat me." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself." "I've given you a home away from home." "Yes, I have, you know I have." "And this is the way you repay me." "You're nothing but a strike creator." "Yes, a troublemaker, an instigator, a picket-plugger, yes, you are." "Stop shaking your head." "What's the matter with you?" "Can't you talk?" "Certainly I can talk." "I suspect I can talk as well as any other man, Mr Novak." "In that case... how is it we never heard you talk before?" "Because no one ever asked me." "(WHISTLES)" "(JACKIE MULSION) So you see?" "There was no story." "But there is a moral, and a simple one." "You'll never know the next guy's story... unless you ask."