"Previously, on Nip/Tuck..." "You're one of the most respected psychologists in the country." "It's just a good thing" "I didn't sacrifice my career so my daughter could have one." "It's Kimber." "I'm in love with her." "What?" "You seen Kimber?" "It's cute, huh?" "I got shot." "You got shot?" "How?" "I was desperate." "I started robbing convenience stores." "I'm taking the kids to a hotel." "You can't just take them away from me." "One day, you'll see that this is for the best." "Tell me what you don't like about yourself." "Erica, don't psychoanalyze" "Me." "Just get me out of here." "I'm required to submit an evaluation." "There must be an awful lot you don't like about yourself for you to attempt suicide." "I wasn't attempting suicide." "I just..." "I swam out too far." "Naked." "In the middle of the night, 1 1/2 miles from the shore, clinging to a buoy." "That's a hell of a miscalculation." "I went for a night swim." "It was cold, beautiful." "Just me and the water." "Felt like I was one with the ocean, like I was inside it and it was inside me." "If my son were in jail and my ex-wife were a lesbian, my daughter dined on hair and my newly married, just murdered wife turned out to be Lucretia Portia," "I'd take the plunge myself." "I'd be crazy not to." "Sean, don't bullshit a bullshitter." "I can't get you out of the psych ward if you don't level with me." "The idea that someone like" "Teddy could be in love with me was so overwhelming, I..." "I was blind to who she really was, and I, uh, I wound up putting my kids at risk." "It's hard to forgive yourself for something like that." "Go on." "I was gonna swim until my arms fell off." "And then, about a mile out," "I, uh, had a change of heart." "Something inside of me opened up and I... thought about how much" "I love my family." "So, I fought." "I fought to stay alive." "Thank you, Sean." "So, did you drive?" "Yes." "Oh, good." "So, you can give me a ride back to Malibu." "Oh, no, Sean, I can't." "The policy is very clear." "You attempted to commit suicide within the last 48 hours." "I can't authorize your release." "It would be professionally irresponsible." "Take care." "Hey, Bud." "You got a sec?" "I wanna get your opinion on something." "Hey, uh, I'm really sorry to hear about Sean." "God, you think you know someone, and then..." "What do you want, Mike?" "What do you think, huh?" "Is it big enough?" "5 carats." "Cost a quarter of a mill." "Yeah, she's gonna go crazy for it." "Don't you think it's a little soon to be asking Kimber to marry you?" "Hmm?" "You've been dating for what?" "3 months?" "Well, when you know, you know." "Kimber and I are soul mates." "You think this is some kind of competition." "Not really." "She's mine." "Why don't you get the hell out of here, drop your key off at reception." "I'm popping your surgery pod like a whitehead." "No problem." "You know what, Christian?" "You're an asshole." "But I really do hope Sean gets better soon." "I'll tell you what's crazy." "Julia calling her mother and thinking that bitch would ever lift a finger to help me." "Now, just relax, all right?" "It's over." "You're out." "What'd you tell them, anyway?" "That I tried to discourage you from training at night without a certified escort boat, but nothing could stop you from pursuing your dream of, one day, swimming the English channel." "They believed I was a competitive swimmer?" "And they thought you were delusional, but they can't keep you for longer than 24 hours." "Why are we stopping here?" "While you were in the can with all the other nut cases," "Mike proposed to Kimber." "So, I have a hankering for a cold scotch and a hot sandwich." "She say "yes?"" "Who gives a shit?" "Just have a drink with me." "You just got out of the snake pit yourself." "Don't tell me you don't need one." "You know what?" "Some other time." "I have a few things I need to talk over with Julia." "Just how far were you planning on swimming?" "Changed my mind." "That's all that matters now." "I suddenly thought, what if there are other possibilities?" "We consult each other on everything." "Right?" "What you did was stupid and selfish." "If you ever do it again, I'll kill you." "I'll see you tomorrow." "All right." "Ahem." "Ahem." "Can I get another drink, please?" "Sure." "I just need your cell phone and car keys." "I'm an expert at reading people, and you're about 5 minutes from calling her or just driving over, and either way, someone's gonna get hurt." "You know, if you're trying to make me feel better, it's, uh, it's not working." "I thought that was the vodka's job, not mine." "So, you're a real bitch, huh?" "Yep." "And you strike me as the kind of guy who attracts that sort of thing." "What's your name, handsome?" "My name is Christian." "Christian." "I'm Alexis." "I tell you what." "This one's on the house if you promise not to do anything stupid, and, in return, you have to give me all the gritty details." "Or if you'd rather wallow in self-pity," "I'll put that on your tab." "Her name is Kimber." "We've known each other for a very long time, what seems like a lifetime." "Started off as a one night stand and just never stopped." "The sex was that good, huh?" "It was unbelievable." "And I don't even like her." "But you love her and that's what's killing you." "I'm sorry." "I know what that's like." "But as I always say, the best way of getting over someone is to get on top of someone else." "What the hell is wrong with you?" "What'd I do?" "Oh, nothing." "You taste like Honey." "And your body's like David how could anyone let you go?" "I'm a plastic surgeon." "Oh, my God." "Now you're really blowing my mind." "Ohh!" "Well..." "It's time to return the favor." "I've got a better idea." "I've never had someone ask for that on a first date before." "You have to go." "Why?" "Do I have to spell it out?" "I want you to leave." "You had your fun." "I don't wanna spoon." "Goodbye." "This beats the hell outta the meatloaf I had last night." "I still don't know what they put in it." "Thank you, Sean." "It's good to know that my cooking's better than the mental institution's." "I was just trying to break the ice." "Don't." "I like the ice." "I want to keep the frozen right where it is." "Hey, beautiful." "Aww." "Hey, sweetie, um, daddy and I have some things we want to discuss with grandma." "Can you give us some privacy?" "Thanks." "Mwah." "See you." "So, Sean, how are you feeling?" "Just how long would you have kept me in that place?" "Well, let's not go there." "Oh, no." "I want to answer his question." "I think you should still be under psychiatric supervision." "Make you feel powerful, Erica?" "Have control over me?" "Heh." "God knows, you manipulated your daughter her whole life." "Julia, your decision to placate this unstable man and endanger the children is, quite frankly, baffling." "Well, this unstable man happens to be their father." "Father who's willing to leave his children fatherless." "He's a father only in the biological sense." "I'm petitioning for custody of the children." "You'd really do that?" "You'd take my children from me?" "You vengeful bitch." "I'd like to see you try." "Now, don't pay attention to her." "She's just doing what she enjoys most... causing you pain." "Um, you know what?" "I'll, um, take the kids back to New York if Sean can have supervised visits." "Why are you letting her intimidate you like this?" "Because she's one of the best child advocates in the country, Sean." "If Erica noughton says a home is unsuitable... oh, my God, how could you have been so stupid?" "Well, in all fairness," "Julia, you haven't exactly been June cleaver." "Come on, Julia." "She's never gonna get the kids." "I mean, look at her." "Don't let appearance deceive you." "Like they say, you're as young as you feel." "And I have been feeling remarkably youthful these days." "Whatever happens to you in this place, you mustn't be ashamed." "It's just the way things are." "Really?" "So, you know the way things are in here?" "I know that you have neither the muscle mass nor the gang affiliations to be a predator, and it's not your nature to be a nilly queen, so, if you don't want to be passed around like" "a box of chocolates, you had better find a protector." "You want me to become somebody's bitch?" "Cleaning a man's cell?" "Doing his laundry?" "Small price to pay for your life." "You're wrong." "One is all it takes." "After you get turned out, you lose your status as a man and you can never get that back." "Status?" "Among savages?" "It's survival of the fittest." "If you don't adapt, you won't make it." "How's mom and dad?" "They haven't come here to see you?" "No, dad came once." "He was having a really hard time." "Then mom..." "I don't want her to see me this way." "She tried to come, but I wouldn't see her." "So, once again, it's about their feelings?" "Matt, your parents are totally self-absorbed." "They should be here supporting you." "You are the one in hell." "You're not the one that let them down." "It's the other way around." "Don't you see that?" "Well, yeah, I suppose they could have been there more." "Sure." "They were too busy acting out on each other to instill a sense of self in you." "And they're doing the same thing to Connor and Annie." "If you want to be a real man, stand up for your brother and sister." "Protect them." "How am I supposed to do that?" "You can help me get custody." "You would know better than anyone what it will cost them if they stay with their mother and Sean." "No offense, but aren't you a little old to be a mom?" "Well." "It wasn't part of my retirement plan." "But I can't sit out and watch them sink deeper into dysfunction." "Will you be my witness, Matt?" "Hey." "What do you think about these?" "Why not have fresh flowers delivered, huh?" "They brighten everything up, don't they?" "Oh." "What the hell?" "It's expired." "What?" "Right." "That's all it is." "Sour yogurt." "You want to talk about it?" "Pfft." "I mean, look." "If we're gonna work together, then I think that we should be able to talk to each other like we used to." "Talk to me." "I'm afraid I might hurt your feelings and I don't want to do that anymore." "You're not going to hurt my feelings." "As a matter of fact," "I think it might make us feel, you know, like..." "like we're getting back to normal." "I met this woman yesterday." "Gorgeous." "I mean, hot body, hot ass." "Went back to her place and nailed her like a..." "I mean, incredible sex." "I mean raw, nasty, mean... but in a good way... sex." "You know?" "Then she asked me to take her in the back door, which was great." "Anyway, we finished and, uh, she kicked me out." "So, what's that about?" "You know what?" "You should have trusted your first instinct." "Next time, don't tell me." "Hey, how's everything going with Erica?" "Well, I just got a letter from her lawyer." "She's started custody proceedings." "Sean, the whole thing is ridiculous." "There's no way she's gonna get custody of those kids, all right?" "Julia's gonna stay out here so we can fight this together." "We got an attorney, but I'm onna have to spend as much time with my kids as I can until this gets resolved." "Can you get Mike to cover for me?" "That's gonna be a problem, because I just fired him." "I just saw him in the exam room." "Yeah, he's cleaning his stuff out." "We're just getting back on our feet here." "Without his help, we're screwed." "You need to get him to stay, Christian." "We need as much support as we can get if I'm gonna be able to keep my kids." "Ahem." "Just leave everything where it is." "It's my stuff." "I told you I was taking out what I brought in." "You don't have to." "Leave, that is." "I went through the contract we signed when you first came on board, and since there's some surgeries on the books," "I'm holding you accountable." "So, you're trying to get me to stay now?" "No, I'd rather you go, but, you know, it's a legal issue." "So, sue me." "Look, I'm sorry." "No, you look." "I'm happy to go." "And now that I've built up my client list, my fiancee and I are looking forward to starting my new practice in Beverly hills." "Your fiancée?" "Yeah, that's right." "Kimber accepted." "Wept tears of joy." "Happiest day of her life." "Now that it's official, we're only gonna get better." "Alexis." "What a surprise." "What do you think she's afraid of?" "Hmm." "Well, I think we're all afraid of something." "That's what I like about it." "And if you stick around for an hour, we can go out for a drink." "I have to be at work in an hour." "Oh." "And, truthfully, I'm here for professional reasons." "Not personal." "This about your breasts?" "'Cause I..." "I didn't want to say anything, but you could definitely go a cup bigger." "I want you to give me a sex change operation." "I want to be a man." "I was that bad, huh?" "I'm a little, uh, confused." "Um," "I..." "I thought we had a good time." "We did." "There's no reason why we can't again." "I'll still have the same lips, the same hot ass." "Let's get this clear." "I..." "I'm not into men." "I'm into women." "Beautiful women, like you." "Actually, I was born a man." "I had sexual reassignment surgery when I was 23." "As a boy, I was always so pretty." "My hand gestures were feminine" "And it always seemed like I was so much more of a girl than a guy." "In high school, I wasn't attracted to girls." "I just wanted to hang out with them." "I had crushes on all the same guys they did." "And, finally, it was clear." "I was a girl living in a male body." "So, why the change of heart?" "Forget to take your hormones?" "I still love men." "I still love glamour, and I'd rather hang out with women, but I've come to the understanding that I'm not a woman." "I..." "I'm a gay man." "So you, uh, you tricked me." "You've lied to me and pretended that you're a woman." "I am a woman." "I prefer to be a man." "Haven't you ever had a change of heart?" "It's not the same as changing one's mind." "Sometimes, we don't have the choice about what we feel." "Oh, come on." "That's the biggest line of tranny bullshit I've ever heard." "I mean, think about what you're saying." "You're asking the guy who, uh, a straight man who you... who you just asked to..." "To give you a sex change." "So, in your mind, if I become" "Alex, you become a fag?" "What if I stay Alexis?" "You're just some straight guy that got duped?" "No, in my mind, if you're Alex, you'd have a bloody nose right now." "Can you please just leave my office?" "I asked you to leave." "Oh, well, this is a surprise." "Can we come in?" "That depends." "Are you unarmed?" "This is just a rental while I look around for something with a yard." "Please, mother." "You've made your point." "So, um, Sean and I have been so wrapped up in our own divorce drama that, um, we failed to see the effect it was having on the kids." "Anyway, I have decided to move to L.A. so that they can have the benefit of both parents living in the same city." "And we found a really great therapist for Annie." "She's agreed to go twice a week." "Annie's going to therapy." "Yes." "So, you can, uh, drop all this bullshit about custody." "Oh, but Annie's not the one who tried to kill herself." "Annie's not the one that wanders from one confused relationship to another, changing her self image as frequently as she changes her panties." "It's you two who need counseling." "If you can't see that, then you're more out of touch with reality than I thought." "Reality?" "Mother, you're in your sixties." "I mean, what if something happened?" "You had a stroke." "Or die." "Renaldo will be down in a moment." "Who?" "Renaldo Panatieri." "Sean and Julia McNamara." "But not as beautiful as your mama." "Mmm." "Mother, who is this man?" "Renaldo is my husband." "Julia, he'll be such a wonderful father." "He always wanted children." "Hey." "Hey." "Look at you, huh?" "We're gonna have so much fun together, you and me." "Yes." "There you go." "Here's your monkey." "Bye bye." "Thank you, Maria." "Bye." "Ok, there are 2 changes of clothes in here for her." "Ok." "And please don't forget her strawberry allergy." "No, no, no." "Daddy knows all about her." "Just enjoy your evening out with Mr. Joe 6 pack." "You mean fiancée." "What?" "Wow!" "I didn't know that target was, uh, selling engagement rings." "That's cool." "Thanks." "No, I'm sorry." "I just..." "I'm in a bit of a funk." "I'm..." "I'm happy for you." "You?" "In a funk?" "Why?" "I don't know." "Desperate encounters with people who turn out to be freaks is just not working for me anymore." "Are we talking about the tranny?" "He, she, um, ran into Mike in the hallway after your unfortunate encounter, so, Mike agreed to do the surgery for her." "Fine." "Let him." "That he-Bitch is lucky that I didn't rip her... his... face off." "Christian, you, of all people, should have a little more compassion." "Anytime anything good happens to you, whether it's a good woman or an opportunity to do something good, you always turn it around and you make it about you." "Why don't you try to get over that petty, male ego of yours and do something good because it's good for someone else?" "What about if I gave you a ring?" "What?" "Better than the one before, you know?" "With the same kind of sentiment and emotion?" "Christian, ahem, you don't give a shit about me, honey." "You just hate seeing another man with me." "No, no." "That's not true." "And I can't see you with that... bimboy, but..." "Well, I like my ring, and it came from Mike's heart, which is really good, and it's true and it's kind." "And I don't think you really have one." "It's kinda buried in there." "But I do have one, and it belongs to you." "Always has." "Um, ahem, make sure you put" "Jenna in the purple and white dolce and feed her protein, not" "Sugar, for her breakfast, ok?" "I wasn't expecting you." "Mother, could you close your robe, please?" "For heaven sake, you're a lesbian, aren't you?" "You must be used to the sight of a naked woman." "Now." "Why did you come here uninvited and without a phone call to say?" "It's been a long time since I've seen you." "Without your clothes, I mean." "You've really aged." "Nevertheless, Renaldo and I are fornicating like two sex-starved teenagers." "I guess love must be blind." "Well, there's nothing wrong with Renaldo's eyes." "Did you see the way he looked at me?" "I thought he was giving me a physical." "God sake." "Julia, what do you want?" "Uh." "I'm here to save your marriage." "Sean has promised me that he can take 20 years off your appearance, head to toe, and you know he can do it, too." "Mm-Hmm." "You're here to strike a deal, aren't you?" "My lost youth for your lost children." "That's what this is all about, isn't it?" "Your lost youth." "From the day that men began to notice me, you have been filled with rage." "You know, suddenly," "I had everything you'd lost." "Beauty, power, sexual supremacy." "Now, I'm sorry I forced you to face your age and you have never forgiven me." "Now, if only I could force you to face yours." "I remember driving an intelligent, confident young woman to college." "Now, she's indulging in a prolonged adolescence at her children's expense." "You can't steal my life and pretend that it's yours." "See yourself out, won't you?" "Mother, don't you want a second chance?" "You could look 50 again." "No, I don't think I'll be having any more plastic surgery." "That's the wonderful thing about raising children." "They keep you young." "Vodka soda, right?" "You remembered." "I guess it must be a little" "Surprising, seeing me here after everything I said to you earlier." "I was a little harsh, and that's why I, ahem, I came to apologize." "I guess I can't blame you." "Not even my gynecologist knows." "Well, if your surgeon did such a great job, why don't you just go back to get the reversal?" "He said that he couldn't possibly undo all the hard work that he'd done." "It'd be like" "Michelangelo repainting the Sistine Chapel." "Please." "My body is my Temple." "I can repaint it any way I want." "And how can you afford all this?" "The surgeries cost a fortune, not to mention recovery period." "Trust fund." "Daddy owned hotels." "I just work here to keep busy." "Money aside, are you aware of the risks involved?" "I'm already off hormones." "I mean, just take out" "My implants." "I'll cut my hair." "I know you more than anybody else should understand the complications of this kind of surgery, but to reverse a vaginalplasty and to rebuild a penis is... is very complicated." "Ok?" "It's gonna take a year, at least." "Do you understand the... the microsurgery procedures involved?" "No." "Well, can I explain it to you?" "Ok." "First, we sketch out the size and shape of your new penis over your latissimus dorsi muscle." "After raising that flap off your ribcage, we roll it up and create your new penis." "Complications, however, I mean, could include hematoma, vascular thrombosis, partial, or even complete necrosis of the flap." "But after performing microsurgery on the blood vessels and the nerves, we would reattach the member in the pelvic region." "Now, I'm assuming that you'd like to be able to pee standing up?" "I guess." "Well, in that case, we'll have to take, uh, a graft from the inside of your mouth." "You'll need to wear a catheter for 5 to 7 days." "Go to an after care facility for up to 5 days." "The recovery period would be 3 to 6 months, at least." "And I wouldn't go through any other procedures until we got through that." "I'm not scared and I don't" "Care about the risks." "It's nothing compared to a lifetime of living in a body that doesn't feel like mine anymore." "Well, in that case, you definitely don't want" "Mike Hamoui performing this kind of surgery." "He's never even attempted this type of thing before." "He seemed so sincere." "I know, but that's because he's trying to rebuild his practice after I fired him." "What you need is a... a surgeon who completely understands this type of procedure." "Ok." "Thanks for meeting with me." "You were supposed to bring my kids." "Actually, I'm sorry." "I lied about that." "I thought you and I needed to talk, man to man." "Well, I've got nothing to say to you." "Well, I got something to say to you, then." "I want you to know that we'd never try to stop you from being their father." "You couldn't stop me from being their father in a million years." "But when I'm done," "I will stop you from coming" "Within 10 miles of those kids." "This thing isn't over, asshole." "Sean." "It looks like it is over." "Who do you think you are, anyway?" "You're just some greaseball punk." "No, I just..." "What are you doing with a woman old enough to be your grandmother, huh?" "What is your angle?" "All I want is to be a good father to Annie and Conner." "That's all." "Give them something they never had before." "A chance to be happy." "Look, man, watch out." "Don't do anything you might regret." "I'll never regret that." "Look, man." "Watch out." "Don't do anything you might" "Regret." "Classic borderline behavior." "That's enough." "You missed the part," "Renaldo's lying on the ground and Sean actually spits on him." "Well, mother, it's gonna take more than this little video sting to get custody." "You're quite right." "Child endangerment must be substantiated by a witness who can prove that the parents failed to prevent their child from becoming a neglected child, an abused child, or a juvenile delinquent." "Matt testified against us?" "Yes." "He loves you, Julia." "Just doesn't want what happened to him to happen to Conner and Annie." "Someday, Julia, you will understand that what I did was for the good of everyone." "And are you, um, videotaping this conversation now?" "No, of course not." "Good." "Be sure to have the children ready and their things packed by Friday." "You like that, baby?" "Yeah." "Ah, ha ha." "We are gonna be so happy together." "Hmm." "I am the luckiest guy in the world." "And FYI..." "I'm not gonna be like one of those men who doesn't like to wear his wedding ring." "Just so you know." "You can do whatever you want, it really doesn't matter to me." "No, you deserve it, Kimber." "When we're not together, I want you to feel safe." "And loved." "What do you want to do today, huh?" "I have the whole day free." "What about if you and Jenna and I, we go for a picnic?" "You want to go for a picnic?" "Yeah." "Ha, you mean like with, um, mosquitoes and ants?" "Honey, that's really sweet, but actually, Saturdays are more of a me day." "I kinda like to do my facials, my manicures and my pedicures, ok?" "How do you not know my schedule by now?" "Ok." "I can..." "Look after Jenna, for you." "You know, my precious little step-daughter..." "Ok, ok, Mike, I really need you to stop kissing my ass, ok?" "It's not the way to make me happy, ok?" "I just need you to back up, and..." "Just let me come to you, ok?" "So you want me to back up, like..." "like how far?" "Like all the way to taking my ring back?" "Well, no!" "Come on." "I just" "Need a little bit of space, ok?" "And this has been a whirlwind." "Well, why don't I just call you in like a week?" "Is that ok?" "I'll call you." "Tie's a little crooked." "That's what you were thinking about when you were staring at me over there?" "You're right." "I was thinking you shouldn't be out of bed so soon after surgery." "I'm sorry." "I couldn't wait to see myself in a suit, it's been so long." "And I didn't want you to see me for the first time, again, in some awful paper gown." "Not too flattering." "No." "Can you undo those pants for me?" "Looks good." "What little there is." "Statistically speaking, it's a little below average, but, um, I did the best I could." "I know." "I was never a size queen anyways." "And if there's anything this experience has taught me, it's that the penis does not make the man." "It's what's in here." "Ah, Jesus." "You're gonna be sore for a while." "What about next week?" "I want to take you to dinner and thank you." "No." "You don't need to do that." "Ahem." "If there's a better way" "I can get you to my place, let me know." "You're not interested." "Hmm." "There's a lot of things" "I've had a change of heart about in my life, but being with a guy, definitely not one of them." "Christian?" "Yeah." "Do you have a minute?" "I need a little work done, surgically speaking." "And you came to me, huh?" "How about that asshole fiancé of yours, huh?" "Why don't you hit him up?" "Because, I need a tattoo removed."