"(THEME SONG PLAYING)" "Jackie!" "Come on, move your behind." "We've got a club full of pretty ladies waiting for us." "You should just go without me." "I'm not real good in the clubs." "Jack, one word:" "you're with me." "I know." "I'm always with you." "New guy in town, don't know a lot of people, so I get to tag along." "Come on, Jack." "This is a no frowning zone." "And you don't just tag along." "Now get behind me." "I'm just uncomfortable picking up girls." "Watch and learn." "What are you doing?" "Loving you with my eyes." "Please don't." "The ladies love it." "Come on." "So if the ladies love it, how come you don't have a girlfriend?" "I don't know." "Hi." "Hi, I'm Eric Alison Matthews." "You know, you're the reason we have campus escorts." "Yes, I am." "You must be Jack Hunter." "How'd you know that?" "I like to know who my neighbors are." "I'm Millie from 3-B." "Well, Millie from 3-B, we're heading down to O'Dooley's." "Why don't you join us?" "I'm not much of a club person." "Neither am I." "You're cute." "Why don't you show me your apartment?" "Sure." "Are you kidding me?" "Hello!" "Hello!" "Anybody home?" "Nobody's home?" "Goodbye, pants." "Eric!" "Eric, buddy, what are you doing home?" "They turned O'Dooley's into a Starbucks." "I was into my third dance before I noticed." "Look, I'm sorry you had a bad night, but I got Millie out there." "Ooh." "My manners." "I'll go say hello." "Hi, Millie." "You know, I'm really glad you and Jack hooked up." "He doesn't have a lot of friends here." "It's very important for me to have Jack." "Don't get in my way." "You know, Jack, I'm really glad you met somebody, but don't you find her a little freaky?" "Why?" "Because she chose me instead of you?" "I didn't even think of that." "(DOORBELL BUZZING) Come in!" "We can't move." "Hey, Millie!" "I was up all night thinking about you." "What's he doing here?" "Gee, I don't know, Mill." "I live here." "I brought breakfast for you, Jack." "Smells good, doesn't it?" "Why don't we go have it out on the balcony?" "Millie, too bad!" "So sad!" "You're gonna be eating all by yourself." "You see, Jack and I are running up the Rocky steps today." "But, Jack, I planned the rest of your life." "(CHUCKLES) I mean, day." "I thought we'd take a nice long walk and then come back and sit outside and wait for dark." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop that!" "Now, we've been stretching for this jog since September." "We're finally limber." "Why is he attacking me?" "Eric, you're upsetting Millie, okay?" "I would love to spend the day with you." "(MIMICKING) "Millie, I would love to spend the day with you."" "Good, you're still here." "I got up early to give you a send-off for the big jog." "Hey, who wants Rocky hats?" "Thank you, Shawn." "That's sweet of you." "But see, he's not going." "He chose her over me." "Don't you see what she's doing to you, Jack?" "Hugging you, holding you, kissing you!" "It's just wrong." "Millie, this is Shawn." "I'm Jack's brother." "Oh, another Hunter." "So nice to meet you." "Great apartment." "I love your balcony." "We have a balcony?" "(DOORBELL BUZZING) That's for me." "My roommates want to see your balcony." "Hi." "Hey, I want to see it, too." "WOMAN: (ON TV) And now we return to the frightening conclusion of Halloween, Part 9." "(LAUGHING WICKEDLY)" "(WOMAN SCREAMS) (SCREAMS)" "Hi." "(SCREAMS)" "How did you get in here?" "Jack made me a set." "Bug you?" "Hey, Mill." "Hi!" "Jack, we have to talk." "Fine." "Talk to him." "He belongs to me now." "Boy, she really loves it out there." "You made her keys?" "She's my girlfriend." "Oh, yeah?" "What's her last name, Jack?" "I don't have to answer that." "What do you have against her?" "I don't know, man." "It's hard to find the words." "Mean, creepy, evil, cold-hearted." "Actually, once you get started, it just kind of..." "What is your problem?" "I meet someone." "I'm happy." "You are not happy!" "You're just a sweet, dumb farm kid who picked up with the first pretty girl who flashes him a smile." "I'm from New York City!" "That town ain't so tough!" "Look, sweetie, I'm just trying to look out for you." "All right?" "I'm trying to make sure you're not gonna get hurt." "I'm just trying to be your friend." "If your idea of being my friend is to stop me from having a girlfriend, maybe you should stick to being my roommate." "Fine!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "(WOMAN SCREAMS ON TV) (SCREAMS)" "Cory, you, me, and a weekend in Pittsburgh." "Can you think of anything more romantic?" "Yeah, a weekend in Pittsburgh without your parents." "We'll have plenty of time alone during our long, intimate drive up." "There's not gonna be any driving." "What are these?" "Two plane tickets to Steel Town." "We are gonna be kissing 20,000 feet above the ground." "There's no way I can fly." "Why not?" "Because I'm morally opposed to it." "What?" "Flying?" "I thought you said hunting whales." "Wait a minute." "You're afraid to fly." "No, I'm not." "I don't think I am." "I don't know." "Cory, I've never been on a plane before." "No!" "Come on." "Everyone's been on a plane." "Horses go on planes." "Well, I don't, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't make fun of me." "Okay, I'm sorry." "Why don't we discuss this fear of flying over a nice dinner?" "Or are you afraid of restaurants, too?" "If you want to be insensitive, then you can eat alone." "You know, you used to think I was funny." "(CHANTING IN DEMONIC LANGUAGE)" "Lord of Darkness, ruler of the anguished, on All Hallows' Eve, your work will be done, but there is one who stands in the way." "Hey, Millie, man." "Am I the one who's standing in the way?" "How much did you hear?" "I heard you talking to Satan." "Hey, guys, I got the pizza." "Ow!" "Jack, did you just see that?" "He tried to kiss me!" "You creep!" "She was talking to Satan!" "What?" "Jack, I think she's a witch, and not a good witch like Glinda, but a bad witch, like with the monkeys!" "Are you gonna let him talk to me like this?" "You know, I don't believe you, man." "For the first time, I'm doing something without you, you can't handle it and you try to take my girlfriend." "She doesn't belong to you, Jack." "She belongs to el diablo." "You just can't stand it 'cause the new guy in town doesn't need your help." "All right, all right, that's it." "I'm not gonna talk about this anymore, all right?" "You gotta make a choice, man." "It's either her or me." "You're just my roommate, Eric." "Millie is much, much more than that." "We're waiting." "He chose me." "When?" "All right, wait a second." "I'm not moving out." "Well, it's up to you 'cause I'm moving in." "(THUNDER RUMBLES)" "(SCOFFS)" "I can't believe you're letting her move in here." "She's only staying for a few days, okay?" "She's having trouble with her roommates." "What's the problem?" "They don't like evil?" "She's a witch, Jack." "Stop calling her names!" "I see a cauldron." "It's Halloween." "It sets the mood." "So, Rosemary, how's the baby?" "Look, okay." "We're gonna be living together." "Let's at least try to get along." "Hey, where's she gonna sleep, her beloved balcony?" "Actually, yes." "You got yourself a good one there, Jack." "Get off my back, Matthews." "You know something?" "Fine." "I'm off your back." "I thought you and I were friends." "I guess I was wrong." "I'm just another name on your lease." "Do you believe him, calling Millie a witch?" "She's not?" "I assumed she was." "What are you saying?" "I'm saying she's a witch." "At least, that's what I heard." "Anyway, I'm gonna go help the rest of the coven." "Hey, Barbie, let me get that box for you." "There's something breathing in here." "Millie." "Hi." "Hi." "Look, I don't know your last name and I'm okay with that, but there's something I gotta know." "Are you a witch?" "I am." "Does that bother you?" "Never dated a witch before." "Well, this isn't the 16th century, Jack." "Witchcraft isn't spooky." "It's just a belief." "Actually, we do a lot of good." "For instance, our Pittsburgh chapter works with inner-city kids." "I didn't know that." "Well, then maybe you should check!" "Sweetie, you do what you have to do, but just know that no one will ever feel about you the way that I do." "No one." "I love you." "I know you do." "Tomorrow is October 31st, Halloween." "We're going to have a party," "I'm going to introduce you to all your new friends." "We're going to have fun." "Fun." "Okay, please tell me this is the shuttle that takes us to the real plane." "Topanga, it's a real plane." "It's a real airline." "How much did you pay for the tickets?" "$12." "It's a good deal because they just got out of bankruptcy." "Cory, this is my first flight." "Please don't make jokes." "Listen, I know you're worried, okay?" "But rest assured." "A good plane is like a fine wine." "It only gets better with age." "Welcome aboard." "I'm Captain Dexter Jorgenson." "Because of the nature of these smaller airplanes," "I'm gonna have to redistribute some of the weight for takeoff." "Ma'am, you're perfect right where you are." "Sir, could you take that seat over there?" "Got it." "Okay." "Just go to my happy place." "Bunnies." "Cute little bunnies." "Cute little bunnies in tiny, crashing planes." "Cory, please get over here now!" "I have to wait for the ding." "Oh." "Ding." "Well, we have definitely learned one thing." "You are not a good flyer." "And you are going to make a very insensitive husband." "For somebody else." "Hey, you're Eric Matthews' brother." "Yes." "Yeah, I went to school with Eric." "Say hi to him." "Captain." "When you say you went to school with Eric, you mean you were his teacher, right?" "(CHUCKLES) Yeah!" "Teacher, that's funny." "No, Eric used to tutor me." "Smart kid, your brother." "Wish I had his brains." "I wouldn't be doing this." "Come on, Mr. Feeny." "Will you please just give me the candy?" "Say "trick or treat." It's the rules." "Trick or treat." "Say it with vigor, like you mean it." "Trick or treat!" "That's better." "Now, to prove that it was worth the effort, a pocket thesaurus for each of you." "(BOOING)" "And some candy." "(CHEERING)" "Here you go." "Okay, skadoodle." "Mr. Feeny, can I crash at your place tonight?" "No." "Why?" "I had a fight with Jack about his girlfriend." "The same old story." "Sure you heard it a thousand times." "She's a witch, she talks to the devil, and apparently I'm standing between her and the doorway to hell." "You're definitely not sleeping here." "I know, but of all the nights to fight." "I mean, Halloween!" "This is the one holiday that's supposed to bring loved ones together." "Yes, well, I'm sure your friendship is strong enough that you'll endure a little argument." "Friends aren't supposed to let girls come between them." "But Jack has made it perfectly clear that I'm just his roommate." "I don't know why I'm letting this bug me." "Well, if he was just your roommate, you wouldn't be out here talking to me." "Now, Eric, just think of some way to get him to hear you." "You didn't even break a sweat on this one." "I hate to see people fight on the only holiday that brings loved ones together." "Merry Halloween, Mr. Feeny." "(TELEPHONE RINGING)" "Mr. Feeny, hello." "Hi." "It's me, Cory." "Happy Halloween." "Listen, I need your help." "I'm sure you do." "No, no, I need you to look up someone named Dexter Jorgenson in your school records." "Mr. Matthews, those files are personal and confidential." "Why do you ask?" "He's my pilot." "Uh-oh." "Whatever you do, don't get on that plane." "Goodbye, Mr. Feeny!" "I love you very much!" "I'm sure you'll be fine, Cory." "I lost him." "Topanga..." "Oh, no, Topanga, I've lost you, too!" "No, Cory, I'm right here." "What are you doing?" "Well, Dexter heard that this was my first time flying and that I was afraid, and, unlike you, he cared, so he asked me to come up here and face my fears, and now I'm flying the plane." "Dexter?" "Yes, my copilot?" "Is it all right if I see what this bird can do?" "Go for it." "No!" "(GIRLS WAILING EERILY)" "Come on, Jack, chant." "Just open your soul and let the spirit take you to the place where darkness reigns." "Can't we just bob for apples?" "Okay, I want to thank whoever provided the shrouds." "Mine's a little snug." "Anyone want to trade a medium for a large?" "I love Halloween!" "How come everyone's wearing the same costume?" "(IN DEMONIC VOICE) It's not a costume!" "My mistake." "Can we try that one over again 'cause I wasn't ready." "Three, two, one." "(SHOUTS)" "All right!" "Now we're wailing!" "Party!" "Hey, you in the shroud, get the door." "That's great." "One for the little pirate, one for the little mermaid..." "And a little witch." "(IN DEMONIC VOICE) You don't get any because you mock us!" "It's time." "(ALL WAILING)" "Millie, I want to break up." "I'm not Millie." "I'm Ushkar, Queen of Malevolence, daughter of evil." "Ushkar, I want to break up." "It is time for the sacred light beam!" "Shawn, we're in trouble here." "Lighten up, Jack." "Have some fun." "It's a Halloween party." "Okay, this part sucks." "Eric was right." "You lied to us, and you turned us against each other." "Why?" "We needed your apartment, you fool." "From this exact spot, your balcony, once in 1,000 years," "Valaris will come into alignment and Satan's tail will appear, sending a light beam through the Crystal of Death, ensuring our immortality and obliterating you." "(ALL WAILING)" "Shawn." "What?" "It started to get fun again." "It is written that in this very spot, on this very night, a Hunter will be sacrificed." "Two Hunters are even sweeter." "How about two Hunters and a Matthews?" "Eric!" "You've come to save us!" "He wouldn't know how to save you." "Oh, yeah?" "Went to the bookstore last night, picked this up." "The Bridges of Madison County?" "And this, Witchcraft For Dumb-Dumbs." "Yep, think they mention a counter-spell in here somewhere." "(BELL CHIMES)" "It's too late." "It's time for the sacrificial beam!" "Yeah, just hold on a second there, Ishtar." "Prepare to die the death of 1,000 deaths!" "Here it is." "Ow!" "Hot!" "Hot!" "Hot!" "That's impossible!" "The light beam hit you, and you're alive." "Yep." "Sunscreen." "SPF 45." "Plus a little zinc oxide on my bum." "Maybe next time, Satan." "Sorry, guys." "Yeah, it's a shame." "Shut up." "Come on, everybody out!" "Scram!" "Satan's children, be gone with you all!" "Come on!" "It's too bad." "You're cute." "You're sweet." "You'd have been the perfect sacrifice." "I appreciate that." "Hey, Millie." "Keys." "You know, it's a shame you didn't fall for me." "It could've been good." "Eric, when I saw that light beam, was that real?" "Jack, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't." "There are some things just too big for our puny heads to comprehend." "Well, it's still Halloween." "I'm gonna go find another party." "Come on, Jack." "Eric, wait." "Even after all the rotten things I've said to you, you're still gonna invite me to come along?" "Of course, man." "You're my friend." "Well, I know that now." "I'm a pretty lucky guy, man." "I'm buying." "You better!" "Gotta love Halloween." "Really brings people together." "I love this balcony." "You do?" "Yeah, it's got a great view of the river." "And you can see that guy watching TV in his underwear." "I've seen him." "I was actually just wondering if seeing Valaris did anything for you." "Is that his name?" "Why are you so nervous?" "I'm sorry, Sabrina." "My buddy just came off kind of a spooky relationship." "He was dating a..." "Well, I'll just say it." "He was dating a witch." "What's so spooky about that?" "So, what's next?" "I don't know." "I figure maybe we'll go get a bite to eat." "Is that good?" "All right, cool." "Hey, Shawn!" "Want us to pick you up something, man?" "No, thanks!" "I'm feeling a little bloated." "See you, Shawn." "You gotta love Halloween."