"The Passaguai Family" "This is the old Rome great, eternal, solemn, august, historic, glorious" "Then there's the other Rome, the modern one, posh neighboroods, wealthy people and our story takes us to this apartment house where there's the headquarters of a company which makes 3 aperitifs from vegetables:" ""Sedar", which is made from celery easy to understand that, what the devil!" ""Carotin" which is made from carrot and "Cavolet" is made from cabbage" "Attention!" "The little man that we see to the left is the company doorkeeper and he's not part of the story therefore goodbye and let's carry on" "About these three charming misses we don't quite know their names" ""Three Graces"" "Such is the general nickname appropriate for the lively little dolls whose main virtue seems to be malicious gossiping" "We introduce you accountant Mazza the typical Southern clerical worker diligent, indefatigable, bright who even though he doesn't work too hard every task, no matter how easy he does it with care and integrity and this is me" "nailed down to the same desk all year long even with 38 in the shade and..." "I used up a stationary shop to dry myself" "Now there's something else to look at" "Something very interesting" "This one!" "Marisa, beautiful, abashing the most distinctive secretary" "The magazine that she reads is covering her pretty face but regarding secretaries in general better seeing the most important things..." "From the dispatch office we go over to Commendador Villetti the main energetic, loudmouth and always ready to hand out drinks" "Every curiosity has to be satisfied" "Let's go and see what's about!" "You should blush!" "Inconceivable!" "Shame on you!" "In my offices..." "such immoral things happening!" "The most important thing to me is morality everybody knows that" "I came from the Mother City cradle and forger of every modern industry" "Milan, province of Sesto San Giovanni and do know that it's from up there that I came down to conquer Rome industrial conquest, of course of this romantic Rome, yes but where nobody tries... so, do know Miss" "I cannot allow that in my company such erotic-antiplatonic scenes happen" "But I swear Commendadore that we were not kissing at all" "Ah no eh!" "And what were you doing then so stuck skin against skin?" "We were..." "I mean... a gnat wento into my eye and..." "A gnat eh?" "And why was the messenger boy blowing in your mouth then?" "I guarantee you, it wasn't a kiss" "Oh god!" "Let's make it clear" "I'm not worried about the kiss" "Because, like Gondran says the kiss is just a rose apostrophe placed in the word I love you with dot and comma" "And the small dots?" "Where shall we put the small dots?" "We know very well that it starts with a gnat and it ends up with an elephant!" "therefore, my dear Miss in order not to get the sack make sure that no gnats get into your eyes anymore" "Understood?" "How do I do that?" "It's very simple, I'll tell you" "Cover your eyes with flypaper!" "you can leave now, go back to your work!" " Good morning Commendadore" " Good morning..." " Good morning Commendadore" " Good morning" "There you go, I lost the mark!" "Does it matter, my sweet next door neighbour?" "You are always the secretary my little atom bomb!" "What are you writing?" ""Ill reggi sicnrwi, in raspista"" "Do you know Japanese too eh?" "Why don't you leave such bad buisness letters and write a nice little love letter to your little... let's say it to your slave boss?" "Eh?" "Very well!" "Eh no!" "If we start with a finger we'll stay here until Christmas!" "I'll tell you what:" "I write it myself!" " Very well" " I'll write it in shorthand" "You'll take my place," "You'll be the Commendadrice and I your secretary" "Are you up for it?" "Very well!" "Please, take a seat" "Allow me to sit on your..." " better, on my knees?" " Yes" "Very well!" "Also the little game of the knees-subtraction eh?" "Make sure it doesn't happen again, eh!" "Very well..." "Now then, let's proceed!" "So, write..." "Illustrious Commendadore..." "See?" "I use your style!" "There, it's not clear at all when you write!" "Oh, don't be a big baby!" "Let's work now" "So: with the present" "I must remind you the promise you made on 14th on such a date you promised me to spend a Sunday together at Capri and since today is Saturday I take the liberty to remind you such a commitment" "Yes, you are right but..." "I'm very sorry, there's an unforseen difficulty" "I'm afraid I must sound like a buffoon but fate has come between us in the shape of my wife!" "Explain yourself" "It's that my wife invited home some dear friends and..." "Ah, I understood" "Look, I've got to absolutely get back to my work, I'm sorry" "You see dear..." "No, now please go back to your office" "Go, let me work!" "Did you take me for a little street boy?" "All right, we'll talk about later!" "Yes, all right..." "Come in!" " May I Miss?" " Yes, come on in" " Good morning Miss Marisa" " Good morning" "I would like to ask you for a coupon to go to Fiumicino tomorrow..." "Ah do you want to go to the beach?" "Yes, it's been a long time I promised my wife to go and I'd like to take advantage, so... of the discount we have on the beach resorts" "Sure, that's good!" "All our employees go there" "Yes, my wife also says that iodine is good for you!" "Yes, it makes you loose weight too!" "Do you know how many years since I've been at sea?" "About twenty" "Yes I can see that..." "See what?" "Your skin is so pale!" "Yes, it maybe that by stretching it brightens up..." " Thanks..." " Ah!" "Something went in my eye!" "What?" "In here with all the buisness about cabbages, carrots and celeries it's full of flies and gnats..." "Let me see... here, sorry... it's enough to blow in there" "You're hurting me!" "Eh no, you see, if you don't blow quick who knows where it may go, you understand?" "eh well?" "Am I seeing right or wrong?" "is it an hallucination or reality?" "Goodmorning Commendadore..." "Your greeting is not sincere!" "it's a childish attempt to justify such a Romeo and Juliet scene" "What's going on here?" "A gnat went into Miss' eye and..." "Aha!" "Tell me something... do I look like the taxpayer who declares his real income when he pays his taxes?" "Enough with these gnats!" "Buy why, Commendadore did a gnat end up in your eye too?" "You sir go back to your office!" "Yes Sir..." "I have never seen gnats around here!" "Yes, it's difficult to spot them because they're those August's gnats tiny, tiny, tiny..." "These are childish excuses!" "You tell him Miss it's just like so was it a gnat... true?" "Of course it was a gnat!" "It went into my eye" "I can't remember which one" "I think the right one but luckily there was this gentleman he's so kind and smart, him..." "Since he's so kind kindly go back to your place and kindly get back to your job" "Thank you!" "Very kind..." "I'll give you the gnat!" "Eh, gnat!" "You, shut up!" "And you rather you should think about the new carrots order since we had to throw the last ones away!" "You see Commendadore... these are the Roman carrots and when the greengrocer saw them said: for goodness sake get them out of my face!" "these ones..." "I beg your pardon" "There are those from Naples, those from Campania... which are harder and the wagon load of celery?" "the wagon load of celery... well you see, this is from Basilicata" "and the wagon load of cabbage?" "You've got to tell me what the hell you want!" "Well?" "No, I was saying..." "what the hell do you want?" "you see there's this cabbage from Puglia it's big but it's soft it doesn't pay back!" "I beg your pardon... then there's this cabbage which is from Piemonte!" "This other one is from Lazio this little one, from Tripoli" " Does it come from Tripoli" " English colony" "Well, enough!" "Will you take all these vegetables off me?" "What did you take me for?" "for a freight train?" "I'm so sorry." "We were talking about the cabbage..." "Commendadore, not because I'm from Naples but our cabbage..." "All right, your cabbage everyone has his own cabbage..." "I am from Rome and I know the Roman cabbage the Comendadore is from Milan and..." "What do you mean?" "that I know only the cabbage from Lombardia?" "Do know that I travelled a great deal" "I studied physics, agrarian chemistry and mineralogy and I know cabbages from all over Italy!" "Look at how they messed me up!" "Let's go!" "Maybe he saw us!" "I was thinking about the gnat" "Quite incredible..." "Sir, I went to Miss Marisa to ask her a coupon..." "Yes yes, I understand actually, if I may" "I'll go to Miss Marisa too for the... coupon in such things, if you may" "I modestly..." "Sir, to me modestly..." "I'm going straightaway" "Come in!" "Miss..." "Dear Sir!" "Thanks Miss!" "Why thanks?" "That "dear" was so instinctive" "I couldn't control myself" "How can I help you?" "Me from you?" "A gnat!" "A gnat?" "Yes, a gnat for the seaside or... a coupon for the seaside!" "Do you want to go to the sea as well, eh?" "Oh yes." "It's so hot you know..." "I mean to say, modestly that in here I don't have a brain" "I've got a little Vesuvio erupting lapillus ash, fire and lava, lava, lava..." "Goodness, Sir!" "You really need to jump into the water!" "headlong Miss!" "and what do you do Miss?" "Would you go to the sea?" "the sea is beautiful you know!" "Oh yeah?" "Of course!" "All those waves coming and going, lovely, fresh" "Mediterranean Sea, not because I am Mediterranean, is an important Sea!" "The Atlantic one yes..." "not to talk bad about it but... is it a real Sea?" "All those waves snarling spotted... and it's low!" "I once dived in it and... and you hit your head!" "How did you know it?" "You just told me it was low" "Yes, the Atlantic is low." "I am tall and... so what do you reckon Miss, will you come to the sea?" "it depends on a phone call" " A phone call?" " Yes" "A phone call and you..." "There you go Sir" "Thanks Miss you're welcome what is it?" "No, I was looking... pardon me eh!" "Forgive me if I touch you" "There is a gnat..." "Well!" "Commendadore, I came for the gnat..." "Enough with those gnats!" "No quiet!" "The accountant kindly came to invite me to the sea" "Ah, you accountant invited the Miss..." "No, Commendadore, I would never do that because the Mediterranean Sea..." "I mean, not the Mediterranean Sea" "I am Atlantic..." "not the Atlantic Pact isn'it?" "The Atlantic is low, I am tall modestly..." "Accountant!" "Have you taken these offices for the Palazzo Rosa where three join together to make a pact with four but they don't conclude anything because they figure out to be five?" "What can I do?" "Go away!" "To Paris?" "What Paris, go away from here..." "We are in Rome!" "What can I do?" "Go to hell!" "Yes, goodbye, at once!" "These are the new posters I made" "I hope you'll like them" "Turn around, let me see" "I put the picture a bit bigger behind this way it's easy to spot on the streets" "Turn around again, let me see" "Here we can put a strap so that it'll be easier to carry them around" "I hope that you like it..." "So, turn around more this way toward the light" "Well, sure..." "These cigarettes!" "What are you doing?" "Are you crazy?" "Get up!" "Get this thing off me!" "I'm very sorry Sir..." "Silly me!" "It doesn't matter, don't get upset" "I had to get my swimming costume anyway thanks goodness..." "I want to see how long more you're gonna stand in front the mirror" "I'm trying the swimming trunk on!" "Ah are you trying that on?" "And I've been cooking since three in the morning get my swimming costume and your mum's one ready instead and hurry up!" "All right" "Marcella!" "Yes dad, I'm coming!" "the blue t-shirt?" "All right dad!" "What about the watermelon?" "Don't worry, I stored it safely where?" "behind the bedside table" "Stop it!" "That's not to eat!" "What did you cook it for then?" "We cooked it to eat it at the sea are you so hungry?" "Well, this morning we didn't have breakfast!" "yeah right, we're supposed to make caffellatte for you!" "also your brother didn't have breakfast and he's there nice and quiet cut the watermelon, cut it" "by the way go downstairs and carry the stuff, go on!" "What stuff?" "What stuff?" "The bundles, the bags, the beach umbrella!" "And be careful!" "Sorry..." "Hurry!" "Where's the beach umbrella?" "What do you mean where?" "Behind the door!" "Fool!" "Take your time!" "I understood" "Look how slow that young boy is!" "Look who's talking!" "It's since this morning that he's frying!" "I made a mountain of fried food" "We are four people you get hungry at the sea, you know" "I actually never understand all such preparations the eggplants, the steaks, the watermelon... and just to go to Fiumicino!" "Where do you think of going with eggplants, steaks and watermelon" "Where to?" "Viareggio?" "What's that got to do with it!" "We never go anywhere" "One time we decide to go away we could've chosen Anzio" "I told you already 44 million times!" "We're going to Fiumicino because we get a 50% discount" "What is this 50% discount about?" "I already told you" "Commendador Villetti has an agreement with the management of the beach resort" "You're trying to fool me" "Tell me that you want to go instead because there's someone you are interested in!" "Look at me!" "Why have I got something in an eye?" " Stop it because..." " Mum?" "Mum are you gonna put this swimming costume?" "What else, that's all I got!" "I'll need to make it smaller because with all the fighting with your dad" "Look what he reduced me to!" "All right, I'll bring thread and needle now" "Pecori'!" "Pecori'!" "Come here!" " What is it?" " Listen..." "Why, are you working as a street cleaner now?" "No at all!" "Your sister wrote a message to me" "It went into the drain and I can't find it" "What was written on it?" "How would I know what was on it!" "I asked her where you're leaving from..." "do you know that?" "Not me!" "Listen then, do me a favour you've got to tell her to write another message to me so that you can bring it to me and..." "How much you give me?" "Eh always with such blackmails!" "Forget about it then" "How much you want?" "Ten lire?" "It's fifty lire!" "Fifty and that's it eh!" "For now!" "Hurry up!" "yes, yes" "Here: three, four five, six... enough now you fry bits of eggplant, a couple of courgettes while I'm gonna have a wash" "What you mean, we're going to the sea and you're gonna take one here first?" "Of course" "At the sea you can't swim with the socks on, dear" "I'll have a brush up just in case, understood?" "no, don't move." "There's plenty of room since you lost all that weight!" "Ah!" "Watch the peppers otherwise they get burnt!" "Tell me something, did you say that the watermelon was inside the bedside table!" "and there it is" "It's here, not there" "That's not possible!" "How isn't... it's that fool's ball" "Look where he puts it!" "The fool is you with all the things we need to do you play football instead!" "Listen what!" "What is it?" "the ticket you threw down to that "thing"" "it went into the drain into the drain?" "What do you mean into the drain?" "What can you do?" "Write a new one now and I'll take it down to him!" "Thanks Gino" "It's twenty lire though" "What?" "Twenty lire to hand a message over?" "Don't get upset, it's a brother price no?" "Is Pecorino not back yet?" "He may still be downstairs" "As soon as he comes back tell him to call a taxi 'cause it's late" "Listen to Mr. Moneybags!" "A taxi!" "Can we not use the tram?" "Do you think they'll let us get on the tram with all this stuff?" "the packs, the things, the beach umbrella..." "Oh yeah, why don't we just hire a chauffeur?" "let's take a taxi!" "so some woman may think" ""well, he's not good looking but he's loaded!"" "all right, we'll take the tram then oh yeah, let's take the tram!" "because the poor fool, the wife who breaks her back all the time once every blue moon she goes out she has to take the tram!" "But if you were going out with one of those you were going to take the taxi instead eh?" "Pecorino!" "What a drag!" "Hurry up, I'm coming back" "Why are you moving so slowly?" "Get going!" "You took three hours to bring the beach umbrella downstairs!" "Hurry!" "Go and fetch a tram" "What do I have to fetch?" "A tram?" "What?" "Leave the cutlets alone!" "What?" "Who said a tram?" "He confuses me too!" "Go and fetch a taxi, hurry!" "We've got a few minutes left" "Didn't he steal a cutlet?" " Eh?" " They were six!" "two..." "Take" "What are you looking at?" "I'm checking!" "Gimme twenty lire" "Here, take, hurry up!" " Ehi boy" " What?" "What are you hiding?" "Come here, hand the cutlet over!" "What cutlet?" "The cutlet you stolen from there!" "Me?" "Show me your hand!" "Here it is" "No this one, the other one!" "Here" "Are you trying to fool me?" "I want to see both of them!" "But I don't..." "The devil take you... today at the sea you're not gonna eat any dipped cutlet eh!" "What's happening?" "go and fetch a taxi 'cause it's late!" "What are you yelling for?" "it's him who stolen the cutlet!" "Did you hear that?" "Now this one starts farting!" "Listen Gnappetta, today we're going to the sea there'll be gentlemen over there who work in the office where dad works" "You must promise me you're not gonna blow any raspberry" "Let's hope I can control it!" "Let's hope he can control it... and if he can't what impression will we give?" "if he can't it's your fault 'cause you taught him that!" "Do you mean I taught him to fart?" "I taught him to make the sound of a plane" "Did she give you the message?" "Yes but, I ate it!" "What do you mean you ate it?" "What was written on it?" "Fifteen lire" "Again with your blackmails!" "Tell me, what was written on it?" ""My dear..." "I'm sorry that my message ended into the drain like my brother Pecorino said  what a bravery coming down the house  I wish to beg you not to follow us  but I'm not strong enough  don't be reckless as usual with the vespa  bye." "Your little"" "There's something I don't understand how did my sister manage to fall in love with you?" "Why?" "Sorry for saying this but I think you're quite ugly looking!" " Yeah right, and you're beautiful!" " Yes" "Let's not waste time it's almost... give me an hand I want to get out" "Ten lire" "Ehi are you... here ten lire gimme an hand, otherwise here..." "Take it easy... here!" "the suitcase!" " I'll go and get the vespa" " I'll get a taxi" "Hurry up!" "Hurry up!" "The fried food doesn't go in the paper isn't there any string?" "Where can I find some string right now?" "problem is it's not safe and it could come out" "Here, put this pin on!" "Wrapping the fried cutlets with newspaper and a pin!" "Ah!" "The watermelon!" "This is not the watermelon, it's that damned ball!" "Is it free?" "Yes free, don't you see?" "If I get you some fares, how much is it worth to you?" "What are you trying to barter for?" "all right, I'll find another driver... it was a great chance though" "Great?" "Why?" "Because apart the luggage there are four additional charges" "They are six people" "How much you want?" "Two additional charges, twenty lire let's go... where?" "The money first and then I'll tell you" "Take it" "That fool left the beach umbrella in here!" "So easy to steal" "You made me race for nothing!" "Here he is, go..." "Hurry up!" "Damn..." "Hurry it's so late" "Gnappetta!" "Come to your mummy..." "Here, take the fried food the watermelon" "Give me the small shovels!" "Throw them to the front!" "You!" "Flaminio Bridge!" " Sir!" " Stop here" "Do you see what a glorious day?" "Good morning Ma'ma Hello Marcella" "Give me the stuff!" "I'm sorry Sir" "Yes, give it to me" "You go up there to daddy" "Com'on Gnappetta" "I'm sorry Sir I need to pay" " I'll get it!" " No!" "Not at all..." "It's us who took the taxi!" "So what?" " Will you pay?" " I'll pay!" "How much is it young man?" "350 lire" "Get this 'cause I... but let him dying" "Eh I'm suffering like this, dear Sir" "Aren't you taking something, oh!" "How much you gimme?" "What do you mean how much?" "Do you want me to carry everything myself, don't you?" "Com'on get out, take the packs, get the bag take that beach umbrella" "Sir, take this beach umbrella" "It'll go in my eyes in a while!" "Eh..." "Sir!" "Calm down!" "Calm down!" "Go and sit down!" "What about Gnappetta?" "Where's Gnappetta gone?" "There he is!" "Mommy's sweetheart, don't get all wet" "Look at that!" "Do you want to fall in the fountain?" "Keep an eye on that young boy!" "Well, he needed to drink!" "Com'on!" "Let's go!" "it's always like this you know!" "Is it possible that nobody helps me and I've got to do everything by myself?" "Get him... get him!" "Is that the way to pull a young boy up?" "Can you see it Sir?" "Can you?" "Give me the watermelon so I can put it in the cool" "You're trying to kill me!" "I'm so sorry" "After you" "On the contrary, it's a pleasure!" "What a strange guy that one!" "Where have you been?" "How can you not stay still for a moment?" "I dropped the watermelon!" "When is the bus coming?" "At 7 o'clock, don't you worry" "If I may say so, these buses are always punctual" "Eh hopefully it comes" "I'm cooking under the sun" "Here it comes!" "Calm down, Calm down!" " Well?" " What?" "I... beg your pardon!" "Pe'!" "Pe'!" "Grab Gnappettina otherwise they squash him" "What are you trying to do with that hand?" "I'm trying to help the lady!" "She doesn't need your help!" "Let her through!" "She's my wife!" "Follow me!" "It's better to climb in from the window rather than staying among such boors" "Com'on, push me!" "Iole, go to the end so I can pass you the packages..." "Well?" "Sorry!" "Problems with his adenoid, that's why he can't breathe well" "I should take him to the doctor take him to a pediatrician" "You see?" "He can't breathe well" "Listen, I'm going to the window and I'll pass the watermelon to you hurry up!" "Iole!" "Come here!" "Iole!" "Grab the pack" " Pecori'" " Iole" "Take the little boy..." "I can't do it!" "Take the bag" "Wait 'ntil I place the watermelon first" "Take, get it!" "I'm gonna give you the watermelon now, don't move!" "I'll give you the watermelon now!" "What are you doing?" "This watermelon is mine" "No, it's mine." "I put it here one minute ago" "Well, I put it myself half minute ago!" "Well, if this is yours, where's mine gone?" "How do I know, you'd left it at home!" "Enough jokes now, this watermelon is mine!" "it's mine, I put an identification mark on it why, is it a passport?" "it's a watermelon!" "Look, I cut a small star on it" " A small star?" " Here, look!" "so what?" "and how do I know that you haven't made it now with your nails?" "I made it this morning with my nails, and I washed my hands afterwards" "Look at my nails!" "Eh, your nails are black" "Whatever this is normal filth though, dear Sir" "Otherwise my nails were green!" "Where has my watermelon gone then?" "It flew away!" "How do I know?" "Why, do flying watermelons exist?" "Well, nowadays dear Sir nothing surprise you anymore!" " We're leaving ladies and gentlemen" " Off we go" "Here, take the watermelon" "You're wasting my time, you!" "Gino, gimme and hand!" "I'll climb up from here, it's better" "Careful!" "Grab me!" "Hold me!" "Give me the other hand!" "Can you hold it please?" "Alberto, come here 'cause there's space!" "Sorry Ma'ma, sorry!" "Hurry it's about to leave!" "This one has got such hard knees!" "I'm sorry but you've got such hard knees!" "God, I'm gonna die!" "God it's so hot!" "Excuse me, whose is this icecream?" "it's your son's" "Take, take it back" "Holy mother!" "Don't move otherwise I fall!" "Here, sort the fried food, com'on!" "There, I sealed it with the pins!" "I beg your pardon Sir!" "the fried food has fallen!" "Sorry, you see..." "you got one on your back" "I fried all night long!" "It's not dirty anyway..." "did you have a bath, didn't you?" "yes..." "Since I fried all night long!" "So tasty the oil from Sabina, have a taste!" "Try and see how tasty it is!" "They sent a bottle to my wife" "I'm sorry Ma'ma, this cutlet..." "Here" "Good!" "We're all Italians!" "I got fried food falling off me while you're eating an icecream?" " What happened?" " Nothing!" " Has that guy pinched you?" " No!" " Who, me?" " What are you yelling for then?" " But I..." " He doesn't say it to avoid being compromised" "Oh yeah?" "You wretched!" "Scoundrel!" "The lady is right... wretched!" "That'll serve him right so he won't pinch girls on buses again!" "Did you get that?" "What are you doing?" "They're pinching us in here and you're still sorting things around?" "All right but..." "What are you doing?" "Ah... my watermelon!" "Ah no!" "This one is mine, there's the small star, dear Sir" "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last stop-over" "Give it to me Ma'ma" "And you wanted to come over here?" "It's cloudy" "Is it my fault?" "At Anzio it'd been sunny instead" "Whatever..." "At Anzio it'd been sunnny instead" "Sir, if you allow me, I'd like to go and use the phone" "Where?" "There, to the bar" "Let's go there together!" "Right, let's start spending money already no, we wait for him in here!" "All right" "Can I go?" "I'll be back shortly" "We'll wait in here" "You fool, will you hold it?" "Dad, let's go and play soccer" "Listen to him, let's go and play soccer!" "Right, if your own son asks you to play you don't want to go if it was a beautiful girl instead..." "Go on, go and play" "Let's go!" "All right, let's go and play!" "One goes to the sea for swimming and now has to play soccer!" "Go, go on, go there!" "Oh!" "careful with me, otherwise I won't play soccer once again" "Look at him how impolitely goes to play soccer with his son" "Sir, I've got to phone Rome" " All right" " Two coins then" "Two coins, eh?" "Well, the Capital!" " How much Ma'ma?" " 40 lire there you go..." "Riccardo how much does the Lady pay?" " Ma'ma, will you give me the change?" " One moment..." " Will you give me the change?" " All right" "I've got to phone and don't have time" "When one doesn't have time he can phone from his own house!" "Damned phones, I want to take this one away!" "Yeah right, looks like the gentleman has got time..." " Yes, agreed" " See that?" "He agrees..." "Com'on, catch!" "Careful not to throw it all over" "I can't be bothered running." "Throw it to me!" "Don't you worry..." "Here, get it!" "He got him in the face!" "Look mum!" "That'll serve him right, so he learns playing soccer with youngsters!" "You dirty son of a bi..." "He got himself on the way, it's his fault" "Of course, eh!" "Is your head sore?" "it was my son..." "Does your son give you headaches?" "Well, no!" "He did it with the ball" "Why, if one has got a son with a football does he get headaches?" "Of course, when they throw the ball in his face!" "What?" "The football?" "Of course!" "What else would they throw at his face?" "The son?" "Ah, I don't want it!" "What, do you want it?" "What's that got to do with it?" "I say, when one plays soccer..." "But... don't you have something else to do?" "I don't." "Do you want me to play soccer with you?" "What's that got to do with it?" "I start playing soccer with you and I don't even know you..." "Right, do you play with your own friends only?" "Why should I play with my own friends?" "You play alone then?" "Yes!" "I play alone!" "Ah!" "So you threw the football at your face yourself?" "Is the aereoplane passing on?" "Will you show it to me?" " We agreed..." " Enough now!" "Other people have to agree too!" "We are mummy boys and we've got to phone!" "I'm very sorry, I'll call you later" "There's a gentleman a bit irritable here" " Eh!" "irritable..." " See you lateri!" " Please..." " Thanks" "I've got to phone." "There's my friend waiting for me... there at the beach resort" "Hello?" "Ehi do you mind?" "I'm talking about private matters and you get on my back!" "Hello?" "Ah, is it you Mr Mazza" "Pardon me if I took the liberty..." "Since you said that it depended on a phone call... there you are..." "I'm calling you" "Is it hot in Rome?" "Here it's nice and cool" "There's a light breeze..." "Nice, really nice..." "Actually, it'd be nicer if you were here too" "You see Miss" "If I may say so the Mediterranean Sea is at your service" "Nice, really nice a feeling of coolness that..." "Can I hope then?" "I'espoire c'est le dernier a finir|" "All right then..." ""a revuire", pardon, au revoir et c'est fini... mais voilà c'est fini, I'm feeling so French!" " Bonjour!" " One moment!" "400 lire" "Why, is it a long-distance call?" "eight holes on eight dots 50 lire each it's 400 lire all" " Ah these ones!" " Yes" " But these ones here, I..." " This one!" "I didn't play!" " No?" " I pierced, like so... automatically" "And you automatically pay me" "How?" "50 lire, a hole so small?" "What, do you want to pierce the Foro Traiano for 50 lire?" "Listen Ma'ma, I'm going because..." "I'm a gentleman and... and most of all a man of honor" " 400 lire..." " 400 lire!" "These days do you think I waste my time with such things... 400 lire" "400 lire... 450 because I've got one more hole to make..." "Ah do it" "Can I do it?" "Just a hole, 50 lire..." "Does it matter where?" "It doesn't matter as long as you pierce the circle!" "Ma'ma will you give me the sweets?" "I pierce then..." "The devil take you, you damned idiot!" "He cheated on me!" "There you go." "Where is the gentleman?" "There he is, chatting, can you see him?" "Listen, do you know where "Florita" is?" "Of course!" "I know that very well..." "Let's carry on then!" "Hurry that we're carrying on!" "Ahead, always ahead!" "Well?" "No, it's his father's fault..." "Let's go..." "What a father... he farted right to me!" "Tell me something, don't you have to go somewhere?" "Not me." "Why, do you have to go somewhere?" "Is this the ox sound?" "Aò, well?" "Ah, this is the sheep!" "Can you make a hen noise?" "no, no, this is a horse" "The hen goes like coccodè, coccodè" "Are you sure is it an hen?" "Yes it is, what's missing is for someone to wring your neck!" "Wow what an odd guy he's so big..." "I don't really understand guys like him!" " is it red?" " red like Di Vittorio" "Mark it with an identification sign" " A star?" " No for heaven's sake!" "don't talk about stars, make a..." " A cross?" " Yes, a cross" "Very well!" "How much is it?" "300!" "Wait, I'm gonna put here..." "Dad!" "Eh?" "What is it?" "Mum said to tell the seller to put the watermelon in the cooler..." "The devil take you... gimme here!" "What is it?" "I beg you pardon..." "Could you put some ice on this watermelon?" "I don't even have ice for my own ones" " Excuse me, excuse me" " What are you doing?" "Do you want to nick this one too?" "Are we gonna start again with the watermelon?" "You want to drive me nuts then!" "but this is mine!" "this is mine!" "there's the little star!" "what little star?" "It's true!" "Yes, here, can you see it?" "Here, take the watermelon" "There is the star." "The sun is bad for you, believe me!" "You need to wear a hat!" "And you, what mark did you use?" " The cross!" " The cross, isn'it?" "There it is..." "Aò!" "This is an old joke they played on me already!" "Let me go!" "Are you trying to let it burn under the sun?" "Have you got the coupon?" "Yes, I've got it!" "Go and get the changing room then!" "Straightaway" "If only we'd gone to Anzio!" "The sun is not scalding in that place!" "And you're not going anywhere, you understand?" " I don't have change, I'm going to get some..." " No!" "Why is he taking so long?" "Shall we go?" "So?" "What's the changing room number?" "number nine..." "I knew it!" "With all the changing rooms exactly no. 9 they had to give you" "But why?" "Do you know it?" "Do you know what's it like?" "No, but since they cheat on you easily when they offer you something..." "You've got to decline and ask a different one" "I simply got no. 18" "There, did you hear that?" "18, double our number is no. 18 beautiful?" "How do I know?" "But it'll be better than no. 9!" "If you don't mind you can take mine..." "Right, what if no. 9 is better?" "ah, well..." "What number do you want then?" "Any number, there's nothing to do with you!" "Eh!" "If we'd only have gone to Anzio..." "Eh sure..." "Let's go Marcella hurry, mind Gnappetta don't make him fall..." "You've got to be careful, these changing rooms are full of holes!" "what's the sea like?" "bad, Miss" "Well!" "When it's better come and call us" "Le's go dear, come" "... I'm going to drink" "Pardon me... is it cool?" "Sorry, but... not at all" "There it is changing room no. 9" "Ah, that one?" "I'm going to get changed" "Yes yes, see you soon" " Lifeguard?" " How can I help?" "number 9" "See?" "We had the worst one?" "They're all the same!" "From outside!" "You'll see inside!" "It doesn't even open up..." "Ah, the key is stuck com'on, let's go" "These changing rooms are certainly very small" "Yeah, you get fatter and then blame the changing rooms!" "Don't push... easy!" "don't push!" " is it him?" " yes, it's his voice!" "I always said that gentleman has got a pig face!" "I dropped my hat!" "We need to get changed one at a time in here!" " Com'on let's get out..." " I'm gonna get changed first!" "All right, Marcella gets changed first" "Ehi Pe', hurry up!" "Please Sir, after you" "Thanks" "One moment!" "What is it?" "You lost your wallet, Sir" "Thanks" "You're welcome, my pleasure" "Why have you come?" "I'm afraid" "Me too!" "If dad finds out we're gonna pay dearly for it!" "Well, about making you pay, your brother is quite serious too!" "Nha, don't be scared of Gino he knows everything that's why I'm scared!" "You look pretty with your bathing suit on!" "don't look at me!" "Who am I supposed to look at then?" "The other girls?" "Well, no!" "Who shall I look at then?" "Look at me, but with your eyes shut" "All right but... how do I do that?" "Help yourselves people!" " Where are you going?" " for a swim" "No!" "Get the beach umbrella and the watermelon first" "Then, dig a deep hole to put the watermelon in it" "And do your best, 'cause that watermelon is dearer to me than your father!" "Let's go!" "Hurry up!" "You're slower than him" "All this stuff without a penny..." "What did you say?" "No, nothing... orphans are luckier!" "Hold the baby for a moment" "Ah no eh, no!" "it's him who deserves it more enough with such bullying, understand?" "Will you let me close the door or what?" "Com'on let's not waste time and get changed!" "Easy!" "Manners!" "take the pants off, com'on" "Lift your little leg" "Com'on, don't be rude..." "Eh, but we're in a hurry, aren't we?" "It's a disgrace!" "Dad!" "What are you pulling for?" "You shred it!" "Mum, easy!" "Com'on, com'on!" "Iole, I'm going to take another watermelon and I'll be right back!" "Lock yourself in" "Because there are people around here who as soon as they see a woman alone... who knows what they can try!" "You watch out for the sun as well..." "Yes, you're right and don't you open the door for any reason" "I'm coming back soon!" " Lord have mercy!" " Who did it?" " Who was it?" "Eh but this young boy has to stop blowing raspberries" "Why, can't he have fun?" "All right then... why are you doing that?" "Dad, I'm making the aereoplane!" "All right!" "But this is vulgar aereoplane my son" "Leave him alone, com'on!" "he makes me laugh..." "Let's get out, com'on" "Well?" "What are you doing?" "Aren't you getting changed?" "Oh well, I'm waiting 'ntil you go" "Oh yeah?" "You can't wait to be alone eh?" "hurry, we'll wait for you at the seashore" "Ah, unwrap all that stuff to eat otherwise it goes sour, understood?" " All right..." " Don't stay too long in there!" "Ah, try not to touch the food 'cause I check everything up, understood?" "Did you see that?" "a boy so young..." "it's an outrage!" "How did he manage to do it?" "He coiled his little lips and he did "pfffff"" "So little, how did he manage to do "prrrr"?" "but you too..." "Where's the watermelon?" "I buried it" "There's a piece of wood marking it" "Hopefully we'll find it, otherwise..." "Look where this comb was!" "Sir, are you feeling unwell?" "Eh no, I dropped... you were watching me through the hole!" "No, I was looking for my comb" "And were you looking for it in my changing room?" "it's useless locking yourself in!" "Unashamed!" "Open up!" "Open up!" "Open up!" "Dirty pig!" "Ah!" "Finally I caught him with his lover!" " Who is this one?" " I don't know" "As soon as she saw the Mr she started screaming" "I didn't know anything about this dirty bastard!" "Ah, did you not know eh?" "Ah, if I'd have known it..." "If you really need to know it then, this is his son and I am his wife!" "Ah, are you his wife?" "And do you defend him as well?" "Defend him?" "I'm gonna strangle him!" "Ah I'm gonna strangle him!" "Calm down ladies!" "Who would have thought it!" "An honest man like him..." "One moment, will you let me explain?" "What do you want to explain?" "It's all so clear!" "You could've chosen a beatiful one at the least" "Ah look who's talking!" "Listen, she's insulting me too?" "Let me explain for a moment!" "Ah, are you trying to defend your lover?" "Ma'ma, you are mad!" "Ah, see she's treating me like a mad person?" "and she's right, 'cause if I wasn't mad" "I should've found out well before!" "that's why you wanted to come to Fiumicino!" "that's why you wanted to stay alone!" "You can keep him!" "Enjoy him!" "This pig!" "Rather than staying here another five minutes" "I'll jump into the sea" "Actually, I'm going to right now me and this innocent soul" "Your wife is mad!" "It's a sunstroke or something don't worry about it" "Ah shouldn't I worry about it?" "I'm gonna call my husband now and I'll show you and your wife!" "Calm down, the man is right..." "If you wish to confide in me, I..." "Confiding what?" "About this relationship!" "I knew about it only now pardon me Ma'ma I didn't know anything" "I could have spared you any trouble!" "But what trouble?" "The trouble is you Sir!" "Leave it..." "This dirty bastard was watching me through the key hole!" "Watching through the key hole like a lover..." "What lover?" "You must have had sunstroke like my wife!" "There you go, both of them got crazy" " I was saying..." " Yeah right..." "I beg your pardon Ma'ma if I watched you through the key hole..." "Ah pardon eh?" "Shameless!" "You're gonna pay dearly for it, you know?" "Come on Ma'ma, what is it you want to make me pay?" "don't be silly, you've got to understand... if you want an appointment I can arrange it for you" "What appointment?" "Stop bothering me!" "What a world this is!" "What are your really thinking, tell me?" "Listen, how could you think that I... right here, with the kids... with you with that woman?" "Ah that one?" "Why, fine with another one then?" "you see, you confess?" "Who knows how many times behind my back while I'm home working while you're having fun in your office!" "But don't forget that I have suitors too who ring around and remembers that I'm neither ugly nor old!" "and that I want to enjoy these years I've got left they're so little..." "Listen, you've got to stop with such "few year left to live"" "otherwise I'm gonna die!" "Is it possible that as soon as I wave to a friend you think that I greeted a woman?" "I never had any doubts about you and I should have had" "What are you trying to imply now?" "so, tell me, is there anyone who can believe that this is my son?" "Look at his face!" "I should have cheated on you with a chimpazee then don't you dare talking to me like that" "Did you understand?" "Shut up!" " well, it'd have been a wish..." " A wish of what?" "of zoological garden" "You're such an idiot!" "I better go otherwise I'll break your head!" "Oh god!" "Ma'ma!" "This swimming trunk suits you so well!" "it slims you well!" "it's not the swimming trunk it's that one who reduced me to skin and bones!" "Sir what happened?" "Let me see this is a thorn you've got to take it out there's danger of infection you could get tetanus, no jokes... it's enough 24 hours... easy, easy, easy" "I'll take it off, I'll take it off" " no, don't touch it!" " easy, easy..." " take it easy..." " don't touch, don't touch!" "Calm!" "Calm!" "Oh!" "Do you see him?" "Oh my goodness, he's so f..." "Sir, stay here" "I'm going to the first-aid, come back and do the bandage" "Don't move!" "There's the blood-poisoning danger!" "don't move eh!" "how can't I move?" "Did you walk on a chewing gum?" "what chewing gum!" "I hurt myself with a splinter a bomb splinter?" "What bomb splinter!" "a wood splinter are there bombs made of wood?" "What bombs made of wood!" "I was running and a wood splinter got stuck in my foot... you coming here as well?" "right at my beach resort you had to turn up?" "is this beach resort yours?" "what's that got to do with it?" "I said mine 'cause I swim here!" "what does it mean that it's mine?" "Ah, you're not from around here then" "No, I live in Rome is Rome yours?" "Listen!" "I've got a sore foot and there's risk of infection will you leave or what?" "why, if I leave you won't get infected?" "unfortunately the infection stays it's better if I stay too then so the infection goes away" "No!" "I prefer the infection!" "why, does it keep you company?" "Listen to that?" "Don't you want to go swimming?" "Shall we do a diving race?" "Yes, but you go first!" "It's shallow in here it's better if you jump down there" "Will you go away?" "will you go away from me?" "where should I go?" "Go to hell!" "Ah well!" "You're always angry... what an odd guy" "Dad, take!" "mum gave me this handkerchief oh, good." "Dress it up but not too tight" "Sir!" "We're saved!" " There you go!" " What is this?" "it's the web to put on the wound it heals straightaway!" "and should I put on my wound such a filth?" "Com'on!" "it's not filth, this saves you from amputation!" "what amputation?" "Have you gone mad, Sir..." " you get blood-poisoning!" " let's go, don't waste time one moment!" "who is the pig among you who dared watching my wife through the keyhole?" "One moment!" "First of all, keyhole or not keyhole keep your voice down" "I'm a friend and one of my friends is... is a stranger... he's Arab!" "Arab?" "can't you see him?" "is he not that one of the watermelons?" "I don't know Arab language, keep on speaking" "I didn't understand anything... me neither!" "let's start again" "I don't have time to waste!" "who is this young boy?" "he's the son of the Arab don't you see he's the son of the Arab?" "Let's see if he knows and and can speak Arabic" "What's this?" "go to your mummy, clear off... are you trying to fool me then?" "uh!" "you move too much!" "don't put your hands on me!" "I want to know who was that pig!" " He moved!" " He moves yet!" "don't put your hands on me!" "my watermelon!" "Stop!" "my watermelon" "Margheri'" "Listen..." "Don't come any near!" "Why, your lover dumped you too?" "Don't you start as well..." "What lover?" "I dropped the comb in the crack" "I was looking for it and this wretch came" "I meant to say..." "Sir opened the door suddenly she saw me bent over and started screaming do you understand?" "What a lovely excuse... the comb!" "you could ask Sir to help you finding a better excuse" "You need to get up to date Ma'ma man is a hunter and..." "Sir why don't you go for a swim?" "it's a good idea!" " with your permission..." " are you going for a swim?" "Were you scared to have your guilty secrets revealed?" "what guilty secrets?" "you must believe me!" "Listen to me!" "What did you do to yourself?" "trying to follow you!" "a splinter from a wood bomb... what bomb!" "a wood splinter it got stuck in my big toe and there's risk of infection you understand?" "let me see... are you trying to break my arm?" "and are you trying to break my leg?" "let me see..." "No way, nothing is broken!" "what is it supposed to break?" "Come on, go to swim it'll heal that way hurry up, com'on, go away!" "yes?" "there's so much iodine that there's no need to disinfect hurry up, go!" "hang on, I... what a grace!" "all right, bu..." "Young man come here" "Take, take them to your mummy" "Gnappe', come here" "No, since dad can't swim who guards in here?" "Me!" "I said come here!" "If he drowns it's your fault!" "that'd serve him right!" "Pe'!" "what mum!" "swim in slowly otherwise you'll get a pneumonia!" "damn it's freezing!" "no no, careful you need to keep afloat" "there, belly up like so, good!" "Sir!" "you, if you want to keep afloat you've got to believe me, understand?" "because I... stop it Pecorino because I've got a captain... an uncle captain from the Navy and that..." "Pecori', will you stop it?" "and don't move!" "that rude boy so... you've got to..." "Sir!" "Damn!" "Sir!" "that boy is a troublemaker!" "sir!" "I know..." "listen... stop it, otherwise... the bucket is mine!" "what happened?" "no, your husband is playing!" "he's playing the deep-sea diver!" "do you really think to be funny with that bucket on your head and playing the fool?" "Will you come out the sea?" "shut up!" "blast you!" "come up clear the way!" "Sir, I'm going to deeper sea" "Yes, yes!" "Bye" "Pe'!" "what is he doing?" "please..." " thank you..." " you know... and who's this one?" "he's always in my way here dad put your clogs on" "I hope my big toe is not too tight" "Pe', so?" "How's the foot?" "bah, it's not... com'on, take a seat have a rest for a minute" "Gnappe', let's go to play!" "Com'on!" "what did you do?" "I wanted to get down... here!" "is this folding chair free?" "it's free thank you Sir!" "here you go!" "these folding chairs are so comfortable aren't they?" "sorry Sir pardon?" "would you mind..." "I got a sore foot you know... of course!" "I should have thought myself not at all thank you Sir, I'm sorry" "I didn't think about it..." "take a seat!" "Oh dear!" "listen, you know what I'll do?" "I'm gonna sit on that pedalo there" "Yes but, don't get burnt in the sun there, see?" "go on, walk he's like a baby don't get burnt in the sun, understood?" "Alberto, where shall we stay?" "we'll stay here sit down!" "you could have left the watermelon in the changing room no, damn it!" "it's the fourth watermelon today!" "if I don't keep an eye on it something bad is gonna happen to this one too!" "listen you cover your head 'cause the sun is strong and rest because you didn't sleep last night yes, you are right" "what a damned fate!" "this one too!" "Alberto, what are you doing?" "Alberto!" "If you'll go once again under the sand" "I'll go away, did you understand?" "Alberto?" "Alberto?" "Where are they?" "what about my watermelon?" "Alberto!" "the fourth watermelon disappeared too!" "don't throw the ball in my face" "I'll teach you right, you know!" "Ehi you, don't get too much sun turn around, or you'll burn in two minutes you'll turn around again" "com'on, turn around!" "what did you take me for a chicken on the spit?" "the devil take you..." "I'm gonna take that ball and destroy it!" "Pe'!" "put the clogs on or you'll get an infection!" "and what are you doing?" "pardon me Miss... what are you doing?" "are you crazy?" "where is it?" "that damned ball!" "here you go, come here!" "ah damn you!" "another watermelon... but now..." "I'll teach you right!" "Iole, don't move" "I'll kill him and come back!" "gotcha!" "here!" "oh sorry..." "I won't look at you!" "go ahead, go ahead you're so kind to me" "I won't look at you as well it's a sort of kindness" "there, you can kiss if you wish do what you want I don't care anyway!" "scoundrel, I didn't find it!" "relax, let's go what have you done with that watermelon?" "I emptied it it'll be of some use at the least it'll protect you from the sun good idea!" "com'on, stay here!" "get a hot sand bath so you can get some rest 'cause last night you didn't sleep com'on... oh good!" "lifeguard don't throw at the face aim at the chest and remember that once the hole is made" "so, this watermelon?" "what do I know?" "It was here is it my fault if the sign vanished?" "you've got to find it" " yes!" " good!" "have you grown mustache?" "no, the hat was flying away and I put a strap on what are you doing?" "the watermelon was moved and he can't find the sign eh?" "he lost the sign and the watermelon was lost" "Pecori', see if you can find it" "Sir..." "I reckon someone stole it" " really?" " yes!" "there are watermelon thiefs around here" "Earlier on I saw a guy passing by with a watermelon face..." "What are you talking about, Sir?" "you're driving me crazy a guy passing by with a watermelon... with a suspicious face let's go and see let's go then!" "look for it in the meantime dig, dig, dig!" "'cause if you don't find the watermelon" "I'll kill you!" "be careful 'cause he's sleeping" "I'm going to swim" "lifeguard!" "lifeguard, mum is drowning!" "where?" "did you see him Sir?" "he took the shovel away!" "all right, but how... and he stole the watermelon the towel and the shovel well, why... it's like cleptomania they are watermelon-cleptomaniacs towels and shovel-maniacs" "I told that young boy to put the watermelon under the sand now under the sun it's warm!" "Sir, I mean shall we eat this watermelon?" "all right but we need to cool it down eh no!" "If we put it in the ice it gets white let's make an mark on it!" "what do you mean a mark?" "no, it looses taste that way... the sand can go in as well no!" "small, small!" "for goodness sake!" "leave it alone look Sir" "I'll show you now it's easy... you can make a mark" "or a sign a nice squared cut deep and you can see if it's red no, otherwise sand will get in!" "all right, let's make a small inlay to see if it's red you do like this look!" "see?" "It feels solid!" "of course, feel it!" "no no no... here!" "what a noise!" "Goodness me!" "Sir!" "It's moving!" "this one got maggots!" "can you see it's moving?" "I don't understand, what's all this about?" "I'm not gonna touch it, I'm scared!" "Let's call someone!" "can you see it's moving?" "it was a trick!" "he disguised like a watermelon!" "He's running away!" "careful... ah!" "I knew it... com'on!" "Com'on!" "can you see?" "There's an infection we need to amputate the leg what do you reckon?" "I can't do it leave him alone, we anesthetized him!" "do you need to get something amputated?" "but I... maybe the arm?" "lay there but I... do you want to get amputated straightaway?" "I'll cut it at once no, no, I made a mistake let us work in peace then" "he's gone away, Sir put everything back take this" "you search that way yes, I'll check in here you go that way" "I don't think he's in here there he is, run!" "damned you!" "what's going on?" "where are they?" "ah!" "this time... you won't run away!" "go away wretched ones!" "don't go away!" "Oh my god!" "Sir" "Sir, it's dangerous in here!" "let's run away Sir leave everything leave everything on his head!" "there you go!" "a fine hole where were you?" "well, I'm having a hot sand bath look at that, even the hot sand bath... what's underneath here?" "what's this?" "oh!" "That's where the watermelon was!" " can you see it?" " I can see it!" "any fool could sit on it and squash it go on, cover me... hurry up yes, cover him so we won't see him what are you doing Sir?" "have you gone mad?" "what are you doing?" "do you want to leave me out of it?" "but this is a pit for one make it for two what are you on about?" "Sir, you stay in the sun put sand over" " Sir!" " What is it?" "Are you nuts?" "you're making me eat sand this way!" "you asked to cover you!" " Margheri'!" " Eh?" "listen... since the wind blows dust in my eyes cover me with the towel and take off those mustache thanks what a fuss... makes me feel like a fakir... ok, I'm gonna cover you up now" "like so!" " Margheri'!" " Eh?" "don't throw dust in my eye... what do you want?" "make sure none steps on over me, eh!" "of course!" "There's only me here" "I'm not going anywhere" "Don't worry Ma'ma we put a mark on it... there!" "What are you doing?" "I mean, are you crazy?" "there's no blood!" "what?" "nothing Sir!" "I got hurt but there's no blood" "Ma'ma if you allow me" "I'm gonna do some training... yes, go ahead, good for you where did you find this one?" "damn, right here he had to do somersaults..." " Stop!" " What is it?" "It's my husband underneath here!" "underneath there?" "yes, they've buried him just now" "I'm sorry, condolences he got it wrong... damn, look at that young boy!" "Gnappo!" "Gnappetta!" "I'm sorry Ma'ma" "I'm gonna give up" "Sir keep on eye on him 'cause I need to watch the other one when one wants to spend a nice day by the sea they drive you crazy!" "what is it?" "like father like son always with women!" "oh God!" "I took the wrong towel!" "oh goodness me, what a mess!" "Oh God!" "Oh God!" "Sir!" "Ma'ma, what happened?" "Sir, look at this, look!" "uh!" "How disgusting!" "goodness me, how gross!" "he's flattened eh!" "he's squashed!" "I made a pizza..." "Neapolitan?" "no way!" "I made a pizza of him... talking about food, Ma'ma why don't we weat something?" "what do you want to eat?" "can't you see he's half dead?" "Sir, shall we eat something?" "eh?" "Are you up for it?" "Do you want it Sir?" "he nodded with his little eyes!" " he did this, he moved them..." " now straightaway..." "Pecorino?" "Oh dear..." "He's never around!" "if you let me, I'll go!" "absolutely no" "Ma'ma, goodness me, I won't touch anything!" "I find someone else's stuff disgusting who cares about that anyway!" "it's all been bought all right, I take the towel 'cause... is that yours?" "no, it belongs to the landlady it's like as if it's mine, but it's better if..." "Goodness me, how can now dad blow his nose?" "come here my son" "Goodness me!" "ah!" "what an horrible beast!" "it can bite!" "what a fright!" "how did it manage to get in?" "hang on I'll sort it out" "I'm gonna use the tweezers and I'll throw it into the changing room of that dirty bastard of Passaguai!" "You'll see, you'll see give me the scissors" "up there is a hole, see?" "wait on a moment you'll see now... careful... ah there!" "pass me that horrible beast!" "I wish that as once he gets in his changing room it would bit his feet!" "look how much sun you had after all the advice I gave you these are first degree burns!" "do you know that?" "it's true dad, you're very red all right, what are you gonna do?" "do you want to skin me then?" "there you go Ma'ma well done Sir!" "Sir!" "The face is healed!" "yes... there you go!" "what is it?" "nothing, it's a medication wait what is this stuff?" "what is it?" "Pepper!" "it's greased and is good for you are you crazy?" "rubbing a pepper on my back?" "what's wrong with it?" "have you got an appointment with someone with a wrinkling nose?" "No!" "but I don't want to go around with the smell... the flies and the... give me this pepp... get it off me!" "There you go!" "See?" "thanks!" "what have you done?" "what have I done?" "he never minds his own buisness!" "after all he's happy when I throw things at his face because he always thanks me!" "Excuse me Sir, would you pass me that bread?" "here, thanks a lot what is it?" "not sure, I think there's a little grain of sand... but how, the sand!" "no no, Sir it's the pepper roughly milled!" " feel yourself, Sir - no, no, thanks!" "no, it's not good for my liver here, you taste it as well" "but this is sand!" "there's sand, what pepper?" "it's true, it's all full of sand how can it be?" "would you like a piece?" "take it!" "no, what is it?" "I don't like it" " do you want a slice?" " no, no no no, I don't like it all ritgh, I'll eat it myself!" "what happened?" "oh my god!" "Look there!" "how did that beast manage to end up on the bread?" "can anyone tell me?" "I don't know what do you mean you "don't do it"?" "no, I'm saying I don't know!" "what does that mean?" "I'm always supposed to do everything around here" " I said..." "I don't know!" " Who knows what?" "All right, if you don't want it suit yourself" "Sir will manage!" "no, I'm not gonna do it." "It's a matter of principle the devil take you!" "what's such swearing?" "the devil... all right, calm down!" "we can't eat this stuff let's go and eat to the restaurant there you go, yes... well done!" "and the money?" " eh?" " the dow, the money!" "I'll go and fetch it in the changing room no no, you're not gonna move from here" "Sir will go" "Ma'ma, I will go!" "if you let me, I'll carry the umbrella because earlier on I had a sun-strock give Sir the umbrella!" "Sir!" "In the trouses' pocket ... in the "tank" ?" "not the "tank", in the pocket!" "we wait for you at the restaurant... the restaurant on the beach" "what!" "hurry up" "Miss?" "where are you going?" "where do you think I'm going?" "with this sun..." " What?" " Would you like company?" "listen, forget about it but why Miss?" "I'm offering you a bit of shade you can keep your shade" "I'm following you Miss" "Miss, where are you off to?" "Come here!" " where are you from?" " hey!" "I am Neapoletan... may I... let me pass... him again!" "you rotten!" "where's he gone?" " sorry!" " not at all" "I've got to go back to the watermelons seller" "Look if that fool Sir is coming give him time, no?" "in the meantime we can order no, I wouldn't dare ordering if I don't have money" " why?" " if something happens then we end up to jail you're so over the top!" "what are you looking at?" "I'm looking at the sea why, is it not allowed looking at the sea?" "all right, the sea..." "look!" "Pecori'!" "what do you want?" "come here!" "you're always among women!" "come here!" "He should be here by now" "I'm going to check what he's doing can't you stop fidgeting for a minute..." "I can't stop moving, I'm hungry that's right" "I'm very hungry you don't move hurry up, you understand?" "I won't be long?" "I'll be back quickly don't forget the boys are hungry" "I'll check at the watermelons seller" "I recognise him from his parasol what do you do, sell them again?" "no, I eat them!" "this is not a military salute" "I'm covering from the sun 300 lire please yes, 300 lire, I know come here, make an inlay all right, I'll make one for you a chap with a flowery parasol" "I think he went that way oh, thanks" "Sir!" "but why the other ones were white?" "I don't know, I didn't taste them it's not time to eat the watermelon Sir!" "him again!" "let me go!" "before running you must pay me!" "did you take everything?" "did you not forget something?" "yes, I took everything." "Let's go!" "let's go, yeah, nothing to do here" " pardon me Ma'ma - not at all here, number 9!" "why is it opened?" "there's nothing in here!" "Ma'ma, they stolen everthing in here where?" "here, changing room number 9!" "did you not see the thieves?" "I didn't see anyone... of course, you stay there only smoking!" "there's nothing they didn't leave even a pin what a world!" "what an bad world!" "what happened to you?" "nothing, what was supposed to happen to me?" "have you seen Sir?" "yes, but it wasn't him what do you mean it wasn't him!" "It was him all right, but it wasn't him we should order now the boys are hungry, you understand?" "Waiter?" "Waiter?" "Is he deaf?" "on moment, I'm counting!" "he's not coming!" "Waiter!" "We are here too, understand?" "Do you want to come here a moment?" "but do you think it's fair that... where's he gone?" "what do I know?" "but..." "I... are you crazy?" "do you jump into the water just like that?" "it was hot, you know?" "Mrs. Margherita!" "eh?" "you must be strong!" "you must be strong!" "such kind of theft on beaches happen unfortunately what happened?" "speak Sir..." "you give me an heart attack!" "you must be strong" "I understand that loosing all your cloths... did they steal everything from you?" "there you go, see?" "They stolen our cloths!" "changing room 9 is completelyl empty!" "did they steal my wallet too?" "what do you think that they'd have left it?" "well yes!" "If they'd have left my wallet it was better see, are you happy now?" "is it my fault?" "if we'd gone to Anzio this wouldn't have happened!" "I want back all the cloths, understand?" "enough, ehough, let's not loose it one moment!" "Let's stay in control!" "you go and check the changing room" "I'll go that way in the meantime me and Marcello go, com'on!" "goodness me what a day, what a day!" "here he comes!" "do you know they stolen everything?" "is it my fault?" "no!" "the fault is your dad's, that fool who goes swimming while they steal everything come behind me, hurry!" "Marcella, mind Gnappetta what are you trying to do?" "what are you doing?" "man afloat!" "man afloat!" "what man?" "It's me!" "give me an hand!" "yeah, so I fall again!" "no, no!" "you're not helping me!" "what can I do?" " go to my wife!" " yes!" "I'll go to the management!" "swimming... are you doing the marathon?" "what marathon!" "they stolen my cloths and I'm going to the manager who stolen them the manager?" "not at all!" "I'm going to management to lodge a complaint because they stolen my cloths!" "why, did the thieves steal them?" "of course they stolen my..." "I was saying..." "did the thieves steal your cloths?" "no, it was the fire brigade do the fire brigade steal cloths and thieves put fires out?" "listen, I got wife and kids and I don't want to go to jail why, who's got wife and kids ends up in jail?" "yes, if he meets someone like you ends up in jail!" "I won't end up in jail because I don't have wife and kids no, you know, you're going..." " where?" " do you know where you'll end up?" "where?" "look, see?" "I'll tell you now where you're going... to the accident and emergen... oh my god!" "did you hurt yourself?" "go away!" "won't you tell me anymore the place where I'm supposed to go?" " ye, I'll tell you!" " where?" "the devil take you!" "I wonder why everything happens to me?" "how can we go back to Rome without cloths?" "can you tell me?" "good, hold this watermelon well?" "there's everything in here!" "Sir is so fool!" "he tried to be funny there he comes!" "Sir" " Ma'ma!" "Tell me - you're so funny trying to play tricks?" "Ma'ma, what tricks?" "I mean, the theft, the thief... but everything is here!" "Ma'ma, I swear on my eyes of an hawk when I came here, there wasn't anything!" "you must have been dreaming the theft, I'll tell you!" "but I never have bad dreams" "I always have good dreams!" "this is number 9..." "there was nothing in here!" "how, there's everything in here!" "look, what you mean, this is no. 9 you are not able to read..." "I've got to go to the management and find your dad!" "otherwise he's gonna argue with the manager!" "how could you think to play such tricks?" "I can assure you that it's really strange... do you understand?" "calm down!" "what calm down!" "I sent the lifeguard manager... to make an inspection?" "what do I care about an inspection?" "why, did they kill someone?" "I want the cloths, all our cloths back do you understand?" "eh, everything is here!" "calm down, don't make a scene everybody has to know this!" "we were five people we had all new stuff!" "I had a blue cloth with stripes... here they are!" "They stolen nothing!" "is this your blue cloth?" "yes, it discolours easily... the fabric had two blue stripes since it's been found let's not talking about it anymore all right but I don't understand how" "Sir said that they stolen everything it's something... have you taken my hat now?" "some guy!" "what's all this stuff for?" "I went to the manager and he undestood that none can take me for a fool so they gave me everything back did you get that back at the management?" "and now you'll take it all back because our stuff is in the changing room, I saw it myself!" "do you think I'm a fool?" "and do you think I'm a fool?" "sorry, is this the lifeguard's nightgown?" "is it the lifeguard's nightgown?" "no!" "this is my cloth!" " is this yours - how is it possible?" "this is yours, take before we had nothing and now we have double?" "how's it possible?" "how do I know?" "I had enough!" "I want to go back home, understand?" "a day like this is worse than being in hell!" "here, take the stuff!" "number 6 is free here are the "three Graces"" "let's see no. 9... this is empty, take note" "I don't understand what happened what world!" "What world we live in!" "but how?" "5 minutes ago it was full!" " we saw it, didn't we Sir?" " a mistery!" "ok, let's not waste time com'on, get in, dress up!" "let's dress up 'cause the earlier we leave the better" "Pecori'!" "Get out, shut the door" "Hurry up, com'on!" "damn, the shovels disappeared too!" "listen" "I'm going to the bar for a drink 'cause I'm so thirsty... you don't move!" "Sir, what a surprise!" "what are you doing around here?" " the car?" " yes, I'll sort it out later and I'll give you a tip" "I was saying, how come at a such working class beach?" "it doesn't suit you... you're taking the mick, eh?" "but I don't get offended!" "I've been at your house" "I knew from the maid that you left and I've reached destination!" "280 km per hour, eh!" "I did it to reach you wouldn't it be better to leave from here?" "no, no I'm all right here by now I'm here and I'm staying but why?" "this is an ordinary beach wouldn't you prefer a beach say Capri... cious?" "no!" "I like here" "I like it a lot shame little torturer because I'd have took you to Capri!" "well, it doesn't matter what's your changing room?" "number 9!" "number 9?" "very well!" "I'm gonna get a changing room for me now maybe no. 10, with a bathroom!" "we'll have a swim afterwards goodbye dear, bye!" "bye you won!" "little dictator!" "com'on, pick that shovel, let's go!" "well?" "where's your dad gone?" " to the bar - where's this bar?" "what do I know?" "maybe there!" "we're going ahead don't you move or they'll steal the cloths!" "come sweetheart, come with me" "sorry... but..." "you again?" "Thanking you for your type of kindness what kindness?" "you can't imagine how happy you made me ah why, am I making you happy like that?" "sure!" "and a great deal eh!" "but, I don't understand... well, I guess with such heat... some cold beer... well, if it's to make you happy... are you cool now?" "if you allow me I... you, you can pay..." "you enjoyed the beer after all some guy... well?" "have you finished?" "ehi, are you crazy?" "oh, it's you!" "what are you doing in my changing room?" "what are you doing in my changing room rather!" "this is no. 9, it's my changing room no, this is mine it was given to me 5 minutes ago!" "I don't understand... is this one no. 9?" "yes!" " so what are you doing in here?" " they gave it to me!" "what are you doing in here anyway?" "I came to the beach with Commendatore an harmless excursion..." " yes, I understand - actually, he'll be here shortly get out, for goodness sake yes. ." "please!" "all right but..." "Marisa, are you ready?" "no, dear, not yet wait for me at the beach!" "very well, I'll wait for you!" "uh, Commendator Villetti!" "Goodmorning Mrs. Passaguai!" "are you here as well?" "yes, yes, I set myself free... lovely day, isn'it?" "though you look a bit upset!" "leave it commendatore" "I had one of those days that..." " oh really?" " but if he'd listened to me... we should have gone to Anzio!" "what happened instead?" "I'm looking for my husband everywhere and I can't find him oh good heavens!" "who knows, maybe he went back to the changing room!" "no no no" " is it taken?" " is it taken?" "yes, very much so!" " by who?" " my wife, who else?" "The lady?" "May I greet her?" "no, no... uh!" "My goodness!" "down there, your husband!" "he's walking near that white and blue striped changing room as soon as they leave you get out straightaway" "ah, here is my son!" "Pecorino!" "Pecori`, run, go and call your dad tell him I'm waiting in here" "Thanks a lot Sir" "well?" "mum, I didn't see him who knows where he's gone!" "of course!" "You went that way!" "whereas your husband turned round those changing rooms there did you see that?" "let's go, hurry up, that way we'll go this way instead" " what a dupe..." " here!" "nice and neat manouvre!" " thanks a lot - you're welcome!" "goodbye!" "so, listen my dear... in order to avoid a second meeting" "I'll be waiting at the porch by the sea, down there bye!" "they've gone... we should check it out" "I put it here if I see him again I'll sort him out!" "listen, better if you go up first" " so you can see better - all right... what is it?" "you're all greased no, it's an American thing" " for the suntan?" " yes" "American pepper against the sun... yes but, it's slippery... listen, you better go down" " me?" " yes" "I'll go up, I'm quiet light... what a scandal!" "let me see!" "no, better not we want to see as well" " easy, easy - yes, easy..." " what's your weight?" " I don't know it's been a while since I weighed myself there, push up a bit more 'cause I can't see properly" "I can't do it anymore... goodness me my head!" "what was that?" "I don't know!" "here..." "like a... they've gone now run, I beg you!" " go away!" " yes yes but first I want to make sure... what happened?" "so sore!" "you're telling me!" "there you go... and Sir?" "I'm looking for him!" "have you checked in the changing room?" "no, he's not there is he not there?" "well..." "Ma'ma!" "not sure if I'm mistaken but your husband is in the changing room!" "in the changing room?" "he came out and was there did you see my husband... he peeped out and went in" " in the changing room?" " yes!" "there's Mr. Mazza with my wife they're talking did he see you?" "I don't know, I didn't pay any attention because in the confusion... we can see from the top if they're coming get on my shoulder, don't worry... it's just pepper" "Ma'ma?" "who is it?" "Mrs. Passaguai would you mind opening the door" "I forgot something in the changing room there's nothing here!" "ah no?" "I'm sure there is!" "my husband is there, that thick head open!" "dirty bastard!" "you can't deny it now!" "I got you, finally!" "open, open!" "it's down the back... hurry!" "it's a matter of life or death we've got to save a gentleman!" "there are 5000 lire for you!" " hurry up!" " I'm trying..." "I want to see if closed in here that damned destiny would persecute us again out, out, out!" "open up!" "wrong one... it's the other one!" "Iole, don't move!" "I'll kill him and come back quickly!" "we're almost..." "a bit of patience Sir uh goodness me!" "I'm running!" "I'll get you this time..." "Miss, I'll reach my wife and I'll go away with her so you can come out without problems" "I'm gonna chop his head off... where is he?" "where is he?" "I'll kill him!" "Him and his big belly!" "where is he?" "Alberto!" "calm down Iole!" "they're good people after all!" "you know, a watermelon more or less it's nothing!" "Alberto" " why are you holding my head like that?" " it's better... let me take a look at you what do you want to look at me?" "you saw me many times" "Ma'ma, are you still around here?" "Dear Sir, some disgusting things happened in here!" "do you know that pig of my husband... ah, you too, dear Commendatore me?" "what?" "do you know that you are worse?" " me?" " yes!" " is this a joke?" " what joke!" "I could never imagine that your wife would drop at this level my wife is a very good woman!" "good and honest really?" "do you think that I'm gonna be upset for that?" "goodness me, you need to be modern who doesn't betray sometimes... at the least by thinking?" "think about your health!" "but, I'm telling you that your wife is closed in there with my husband and you don't care?" "are you crazy?" "my wife?" "but Marisa is there, don't... it's something else then, it's not a joke!" " Marisa, open up!" " Open up!" "one moment, let me dress up!" "if I catch you... where is he gone now?" "murderer... scoundrel!" "com'on, tell me something!" "who is it in my changing room?" "where is this man?" "and you listen to this barking mad?" "why, am I a barking mad!" "you are mad!" "he's underneath the towel go on and uncover your guilty secret!" " do you mean it Stella?" " yes!" "underneath the towel there's the pig!" "Mr. pig-Mazza get out!" "when one looses a button, it's difficult... button?" "what button?" "a button very little, I dropped it... we are far too many in our offices either he gets out or us!" "all right, we'll talk about it tomorrow morning in the office!" "explain to me..." " she fainted - him again!" "dirty wretched one!" "come out, I'm gonna strangle you!" "wretched one!" "who is that?" "your lover?" "stop it!" "and one!" "two" "three... four" "did you see what he's done?" "he lost the clotsh, the wallet... he lost his job too had we gone to Anzio it was better!" "it would be better if you'd shut up!" "'cause I can't carry on rowing it's almost night and we're not there yet... look at that how fast running!" "you're good for nothing it's 24 hours you're rowing!" "if that guy had you on his boat he couldn't even do a meter an hour!" "keep quiet!" "dad, if we want to reach him I got a plan what is it?" "give me 200 lire and I'll give you a push" "I'll give you a row on your head instead!" "The devil take yoy... ehi what are you trying to do?" "That's how it ended on a parody boat, a trireme from Bisantius worse than Noha on his Ark it would have been better going to Anzio... this can be a lesson for anyone wanting to go to the sea" "take it easy and be careful about many things about food and packs and don't carry with you beach umbrellas... don't take the wrong changing rooms, or footballs... and another thing most of all... don't bust other people's watermelons!" "END"