"FANTASTIC MR. FOX" "¶ Born on a mountain top in Tennessee ¶" "¶ Greenest state in the land of the free ¶" "¶ Raised in the woods so he knew every tree ¶" "¶ Kilt him a bar when he was only three ¶" "¶ Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier!" "¶" "¶ Fought single-handed through the Injun War ¶" "¶ Till the Creeks was whipped and peace was in store ¶" "¶ And while he was handling... ¶" "What'd the doctor say?" " Nothing." "Supposedly, it's just a twenty-four hour bug." "He gave me some pills." "I told you." "You probably just ate some bad gristle." "We take the short cut or the scenic route?" "Let's take the short cut." "But the scenic route is so much prettier." " Okay, let's take the scenic route." " Great." "It's actually slightly quicker, anyway." "Thank you." " What is a squab?" " You know what a squab is." "It's like a pigeon, I suppose." "Should we go through the hole under the horse fence or climb the rail over the bridle path?" "Well, I guess the horse fence would be a little safer." "But the bridle path puts us out right next to the squab shack." "Okay." "What's wrong?" "You're acting all skittish." "Don't worry." "I've been stealing birds for a living since before I could trot." "By the way, you look unbelievably beautiful tonight." "You're practically glowing." "Maybe it's the lighting." "¶ I've been in this town so long that back in the city ¶" "¶ I've been taken for lost and gone ¶" "¶ And unknown for a long long time ¶" "¶ Fell in love years ago ¶" "¶ With an innocent girl ¶" "¶ From the spanish and indian home ¶" "¶ Home of the heroes and villains ¶" "¶ Once at night catillian squared the fight ¶" "¶ And she was right in the rain of the bullets ¶" "¶ that eventually brought her down ¶" "¶ But she's still dancing in the night ¶" "¶ Unafraid of what a dudell do in a town full of heroes and villains ¶" "What's that?" " What?" "I think it's a fox-trap!" " Look at this." " No, get away from there." "Is it spring-loaded?" "Yeah... yeah, I guess if you come from over there, ...and you're standing at this door to the squab shack, ...this little gadget probably triggers the..." " What!" "?" " Move out of the way, darling." " That's right where it's going to land." " Stop it!" "Let's go!" "No, it just falls straight right down..." " I guess it's not spring-loaded." " I'm pregnant." "Wow!" "We're gonna have a cub." " Honey, that's great news." " If we're still alive tomorrow..." "If we're still alive tomorrow morning, ...I want you to find another line of work." "Okay." "¶ My children were raised ¶" "¶ You know they suddenly rise ¶" "¶ They started slow long ago ¶" "¶ Head to toe healthy weathy and wise ¶" "Does anybody actually read my column?" " Do your friends ever talk about it?" " Of course." "In fact, Rabbit's ex-girlfriend just said to me last week," ""I should read Foxy's column," but they don't get the Gazette." " Ash!" "Let's get cracking!" " Why would they?" "It's a rag-sheet." " I'm sick." " You're not sick." " I have a temperature." " You don't have a temperature." " I don't want to go." " Hurry up." "You're going to be late." "I love the way you handled that." "Your cousin Kristofferson's coming on the sixth." "I want you to be extra nice to him ...because he's going through a very hard time right now." "Where's he gonna sleep?" "We're gonna make a bed for him in your room." "I can't spare the space." "Put him in Dad's study." "Dad's study is occupied by Dad." "I don't want to live in a hole anymore." "It makes me feel poor." "We are poor..." "but we're happy." "Comme-ci, comme-ca." "Anyway, the views are better above ground." "Honey, I'm seven non-fox-years old now." "My father died at seven and a half." "I don't want to live in a hole anymore, ...and I'm going to do something about it." "Well, I'm off." "Have a good day, my darlings!" "You know, Foxes live in holes for a reason." "Hm, yes, I know." "What're you wearing?" "Why a cape with the pants tucked into your socks?" "I guess he's just different." "Oh, hey, Mr. Fox." "Yes." "Here it is." "This is the tree." "Come on over." "This is..." "Uh, I'm gonna call you back." "Obviously, it's first growth, indigenous." "Original dirt floor, good bark, skipping stone hearth... as you can see." "Kylie?" "Kylie!" "What'd I tell you?" "I'm showing the property." " You're not supposed to be here." " Oh, what time is it?" "I'm sorry." "This is Kylie." "He's the super." "He's a little..." "What's in the bucket, Mr. Kylie?" "Kylie?" "Kylie!" " Just minnows." "Try one?" " Certainly." "Thank you." "It's not exactly an evergreen, is it?" "Aren't there any pines on the market this side of the river?" "But, pines are pretty hard to come by in your price range." "What?" "What?" "What's that?" "May I ask what you do for a living, Mr. Fox?" "I used to steal birds, but now I'm a newspaper man." "Oh, sure." "I've seen your by-line." "Good afternoon, gentlemen." " You're going?" "You're..." " Oh, and Kylie..." "Thank you for the minnow." "It was superb." "Don't buy this tree, Foxy." "You're borrowing at nine and a half with no fixed rate, plus moving into the most dangerous neighborhood in the country ...for someone of your type of species." "You're exaggerating, Badger." "I'm sugar-coating it, man!" "This is Boggis, Bunce, and Bean!" "Three of the meanest, nastiest, ugliest farmers in the history of this valley!" "Really?" "Tell me about them." "Alright." "Walt Boggis is a chicken farmer." "Probably the most successful in the world." "He weighs the same as a young rhinoceros." "He eats three chickens every day for breakfast, lunch, supper, and dessert." "That's twelve in total, per diem." "Nate Bunce is a duck and goose farmer." "He's approximately the size of a pot-bellied dwarf, ...and his chin would be under water in the shallow end of any swimming pool on the planet." "His food is home-made doughnuts with smashed-up goose livers injected into them." "Frank Bean is a turkey and apple farmer." "He invented his own species of each." "He lives on a liquid diet of strong, alcoholic cider which he makes from his apples." "He's as skinny as a pencil, as smart as a whip and possibly the scariest man currently living." "The local human children sing a kind of eerie little rhyme about him." "Here, listen to this." "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "These horrible crooks, so different in looks, ...were nonetheless equally mean." "In summation, I think you just got to not do it, man." "That's all." "I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, ...but I'm gonna ignore your advice." "The cuss you are!" "The cuss am I?" " Are you cussing with me?" " No, you cussing with me?" " Don't cussing point at me!" " You can cuss yourself!" " You're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss!" " Don't cuss with me!" " Just buy the tree." " Okay." "Take a left and then to the right." "Set them down." "Just another batch." "Help that other guy over there." "Lift with legs not with your back." "Flip it sideways." "Don't try to be a superman here." "Alright." "We got two circles." "We got the yellow circle and the green circle." "Let's just keep them separate." "Hold it right there." "We need to bring about two percent more in." "Good." "Here we go." "A little bit more." "A little bit more." "That's good." "Let's just that bottom structure resettled in." "Let's bring in the side unit." "Watch out!" "Try to be careful, you guys." "Don't... don't peel away the bark." "Hi." " Hi." "He's slightly younger, but he's a cuss of a lot bigger." "That's just genetics, I guess." "Ash has a littler body-type." "Go!" "Watch this, Dad!" "Well, well..." "Good jump, Ash!" "Remember to keep your tail tucked!" "Still painting thunderstorms, I see." "Do you still feel poor?" "Lesser." "Wow!" "Wow!" "Look at that!" "This kid's a natural!" "I'm speechless, Kristofferson!" "Plus, he knows karate." "Do you think I'm an athlete?" " What are you talking about?" " Well, you know, I think I'm an athlete, ...and sometimes I feel like you guys don't see me that way." "What's the sub-text here?" "Is he praying?" "I think that's yoga." "How long is Kristofferson supposed to stay with us?" " Until your uncle gets better." " Right, but roughly how long do we plan to give him on that?" "Double-pneumonia isn't even really that big of a deal, is it?" "Lower your voice, Ash." "Who am I, Kylie?" " Who how?" "What, now?" " Why a fox?" "Why not a horse or a beetle or a bald eagle?" "I'm saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know?" "Who am I, and how can a fox ever be happy without a, uh you forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth?" "I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds illegal." "Here, put this bandit hat on." "Maybe you're a medium." "Take it off for a min." "And don't wear it around the house." "And so it begins." "Do you mind if I slide my bedroll slightly out from under the train set?" "It's hard to sleep in that corkscrew position." "There's a lot of attitudes going on around here." " Don't let me get one." " No, it's only just that my spinal-cord" "Sleep wherever you want, man." "Here, take my bed." "I'll just, uh, I'll crawl under the book-case." "Who cares if I get splinters in my ears?" " Never mind." " Oh, you're gonna pout about it?" "Because I've had it up to... here!" "With the sad house guest routine." "Good night." "I used to do this professionally, and I was very successful at it." "I had to get out of it for personal reasons, ...but I've decided to secretly do one last big job on the sly." "I'm bringing you in as my secretary and personal assistant." "Okay!" "This is actually kind of a big deal, so don't just say, "OK!"" " Okay." "Well, thank you." " I'm gonna tape this for my records, ...so don't make a lot of sounds." "Meaning stop rocking." "Master Plan." "Phase one." "Side A." "We'll start with Boggis's Chicken House." "Number one." "His only security is a few old hunting beagles and a low stone wall." "Now a word about beagles..." "Never look a beagle directly in the eye." " And if..." " Why not?" "Beagles aren't so tough." "Yeah?" "Well, first of all, one of these beagles has chronic rabies, ...which he's on medication for, and if you get bit by him you have to get shots in your stomach for six months." "And, second..." "listen, I'm not going to justify this to you." "Just pay attention and stop interrupting me." "I'm taping this." "I picked some blueberries, and laced each one with ten milligrams of high-potency sleeping powder." "Enough to tranquilize a gorilla." " How do we make them eat it?" " Beagles love blueberries." "Remember: they aren't very smart, but they're incredibly paranoid ...so always kill a chicken in one bite." "One bite, get it?" "Are you listening to me?" "I look into your eyes and I can't tell whether you're getting anything I'm saying." "Magnesium." " Magnesium!" " Sorry." "Pipette." " Pipette." " Oh, sorry." "Potassium tri..." "What are you looking at?" "Oh, no." "Why's your cousin such a wet-sandwich?" " I beg your pardon?" " What's that mean?" "That means I didn't understand what you just said." " A wet-sandwich?" " Yeah, a wet-sandwich." "He's too short." "He dresses like a girl." "He's different." "Are you a bully?" "You're starting to sound like a bully." "Watch this." "You've just destroyed the whole experiment." "We'd better extinguish this magnesium." "Stand back." "Wow!" "I like your ears." " Mine?" " Thank you!" "I like your spots!" " Really?" "I used to cover them up." "But, you know..." "You're supposed to be my lab partner." " I am!" " No, you're not." "You're disloyal." "A few beagles, as we discussed, but we're ready for that." "Yeah, but back in the old days, didn't they used to do a thing where if somebody saw a wolf, and..." "Wolf?" "What wolf?" "Oh, nothing?" "Never mind." "Here comes the low stone wall." "Not a problem." "What the cuss?" "Where'd this giant fence come from?" " We had a master plan!" " What's this lightning bolt?" "That could mean maybe this fence might be electric." "Well, I just hope it doesn't mean thunder." "Because I have a phobia of that." "Watch this." "Beagles love blueberries!" "Didn't I tell you?" "The master plan's working again!" "Now!" "This is the tricky part." "One of us got to jump that barbed-wire, ...slide under the tire-spikes, and flip open the fence-latch." " Who's it gonna be?" " Not me." "You know who could do this part easily is Kristofferson." "That kid's like a professional, Olympic-level..." "Why don't we go around that way?" "There's no obstacles." "Yeah." "That's better." " I said one bite!" " I'm trying!" "I have a different kind of teeth from you!" "I'm an opossum!" "Give me that." "That's so grisly!" "There's blood and everything!" "Follow me." "Hey, what's the master escape plan?" "Follow me again!" "Quick!" "Give me that." "Alright." "Let's hit the five and dime on the way home!" "We need to make some fake price tags and wrap these chickens in wax-paper ...so it looks like we got them at the butcher shop!" "Where'd you get this chicken?" "I picked it up at the Five-and-Dime last night on my way back..." "It's got a Boggis Farms tag around its ankle." "Must've escaped from there before I bought it." "It's Bunce tonight!" "He's got a refrigerated smokehouse with" " a hundred geese..." " Woah!" "Woah!" "I thought you said we were only doing one last big job." "We are, but it's... not done yet." "It's a triple-header." "Let see some hustle!" "Coach, we don't have whack-bat where I'm from." "What're the rules?" "There's no whack-bat on the other side of the river!" "?" "No, we mostly just run grass sprints or play acorns." "Well, it's real simple:" "basically, there's three grabbers, three taggers, five twig-runners, ...and the player at whack-bat." "The center-tagger lights the pine-cone and chucks it over the basket, ...and the whack-batter tries to hit the cedar-stick off the cross-rock." "Then the twig-runners dash back and forth until the pine-cone burns out, ...and the umpire calls "hot box"." "Finally, at the end you count up however many score-downs ...it adds up to and divide that by nine." " Got it!" " Go in for Ash." "Substitution!" "Ash, come out!" "You need a breather." "What?" "I'm out!" "What?" "I still feel good, Coach!" "Let me finish this eighth!" "No, come on." "Step out." "Step out." "Let's go." "Am I getting better, Coach?" "Well, you're sure as cuss not getting any worse." "Really?" "You think I'd end up being as good as my dad if I keep practicing?" "Your dad?" "Your dad was probably the best whack-bat player we ever had in this school." "No, you don't wanna have to compare yourself to that." "Yeah, but I think I've some of the same raw natural talent, don't you?" "You're improving." "Let's put it like that." "Hot box!" " Divide that by nine, please!" "Yeah!" "That's the first time this kid's ever swung a whack-bat?" "He really is your father's nephew, isn't he?" "Not by blood." " No?" " He's from my mother's side." "Oh, yeah." "What's that stand for?" "Huh?" "It's for..." "It's for pep." "Pep?" "It's a K." "Come on, now!" "Look alive!" "Attaboy!" "We're going steady." "What's that?" " What "what"?" "What this?" "It's nothing." "It's just some old trophy I won for being an athlete." "I'm supposed to cover this book party at some animal's nest ...in a tobacco field down the hill, ...so me and Kylie are going to hop over there and give it a whirl." " Don't wait up." " What's the book?" "Some memoir." "I'll get him to sign you a copy." "Dinner was pitch-perfect." "I spotted a couple of broken burglar bars underneath the back door to Bean's secret cider cellar." " We're breaking into Bean's house?" " Cellar." " Where he lives?" " Where he keeps the cider." " Below where he lives." " Where'd you come from?" "Go back to the tree and do your homework!" " I wanna help you steal some cider." " We're going to a book party!" "And keep your mouth shut about any cider, because no one ever said that." " Now get out of here!" " But..." "But nothing!" "You're gonna get me in a lot of trouble!" "Besides you're too little and uncoordinated." "One, two, three." "Where the cuss does that kid get off?" "Can you believe that?" "How did he get tipped off?" "You think he's going to tell on us?" "Before we go any further, from now on can you give me some kind of signal once in a while just so I know any of this is getting through to you?" " Was that it?" "Okay, fine." " There's another one." "Good." "You made it." " Anybody see you?" " I don't think so." "Here, put this bandit hat on." "I must say, I'm pleased to be invited, but I'm not sure..." " I should be doing this, Uncle Foxy!" " Why not?" "Because I don't like to be dishonest with people!" "Well, just keep your mouth shut, and it won't be a problem!" "Yeah, but I don't think he should come with us, either." "We're not taking a vote!" "You know, one time this wolf I saw..." "Wolf?" "What's with all the wolf talk?" "Can we give it a rest, for once?" " Look at all this." "Apple juice." " Apple juice?" "Apple juice?" "We didn't come here for apple juice." "This is some of the strongest, finest alcoholic cider money can buy or that can even be stolen." "It burns in your throat, boils in your stomach, ...and tastes almost exactly like pure, melted gold." "Y'all are trespassing, now." "Illegally." "Around these parts, we don't take kindly to cider poachers." "You've aged badly, Rat." "You're getting a little long in the tooth, yourself, partner." "Bean security, what?" "Why you're wearing that badge?" "What is it?" "It's my job." "How's your old lady doing?" "Do you refer to my wife?" "She was the town tart, in her day." "Wild and foot-loose and pretty as a mink stole." "Is that true?" "Of course, not." "I mean, certainly, she lived." "We all did." "It was a different time." "Let's not use a double-standard." " She marched against the..." " But town tart?" "Shut up." "That was close, Rat." "Be careful." "Oh, I'm as careful as a..." "How many jars should I bring up, Franklin?" "I don't know." "Two, I guess." "You drank three yesterday, though." "Alright, take three." "No, two's plenty." "Oh, my cuss." "Is she blind?" "I think she might have astigmatism." "Or possibly a cataract of some form." "Anyway, her eyes don't see well." "What'd I tell you?" "This kid's a natural, am I right?" "It's so good of you to come." "Lovely to see you." "You're both looking splendid." "How've you been, Walter?" "In good health, I trust?" "Nathan?" "All is well?" "Wonderful." "Any fox problems?" " Are you joking?" " It's horrible." " We're miserable." " He's laughing at us." " It's humiliating." " We're furious." "I don't even want to talk about it." "Perhaps we ought to kill him." " Well, that seems rather obvious." " He's too sneaky." "Ah, right." "Of course." "He's very clever, isn't he?" "Might be bit difficult, I suppose." "But I've already figured out where this fox lives, ...and tomorrow night we're gonna camp in the bushes, ...wait for him to come out of the hole in his tree, ...and shoot the cuss to smithereens." "How's that grab you, fellas?" "Yeah." "Well, let's see." "Why not?" "Another book party?" "Woah!" "I didn't see you, sitting in the dark over there." "Yeah, no." "Actually, there's a fire." "I just got the call." "They said maybe it's arson?" "I got to interview the marshall and see what's..." "Kylie, is he telling the truth?" "I don't want to be put in the middle of this." "Thanks, Kylie." "Why is he wearing that bandit hat?" "His ears were cold." "He's not with us." "Go back to bed." "If what I think is happening is happening it better not be." "Nice job covering for me." "Next time, you..." "All three!" "Kill him!" "We got the tail, but we missed the fox." "Petey!" "Sorry to wake you." "I can trouble you to dash out here right away with, shall we say, ...three shovels, two pick-axes, 500 rounds of ammunition and, uh a bottle of apple-cider." "It'll grow back, won't it?" " Tails don't grow back." " Tails don't grow back." " Except for lizards." "Tails don't grow back." "I'm gonna be tailless for the rest of my life." "Well, anyway, it's not half as bad as double-pneumonia, right?" "I mean, his dad's got one foot in the grave and three feet on a banana peel." "That's a lot worse than..." "Excuse me, everyone." "I'm gonna go meditate for half an hour." "You've got twenty-nine minutes to come up with a proper apology." "Me?" "Me, have an apology?" "He gets a bandit hat!" "He just got here and he got a bandit hat!" "Where's my bandit hat?" "Why didn't I get shot at?" "It's because, you, you..." "you think I'm no good at anything!" "Well, maybe you're right!" "Thanks!" "I told you not to bring him." "Why the cuss didn't I listen to my lawyer?" "At this point we'll be lucky if we can flip this tree for half of what we've already sunk into it." "I won't be able to sleep on my back for six weeks and on my stomach I feel congested." "Why the cuss didn't I listen to my lawyer?" "Because you don't listen to anybody." " What was that?" " What?" "I said..." "Wake up!" "Everybody!" "They're digging us out!" " They'll kill the children!" " Over my dead body, they will." "That's what I'm saying!" "You'd be dead, too, in that scenario!" " Well, I'm arguing against that!" " What are you talking about?" " Why are you yelling at me?" " Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "You say one thing, she says another, and it all changes back again!" "I've got it!" "There's not a moment to lose!" " Why didn't I think of this before?" " Think of what?" "We've been trapped before." "Dig!" "I think it's time for me to give us a pep talk and explain some things." " A very long time ago..." " May I have a word with you privately?" "Well, we're in a hole." "Just on the other side of this mineral deposit." "Follow me." "I'm gonna lose my temper now." " When?" " Right now." "Well, when..." "Oh, my God!" "Twelve fox-years ago, you made a promise to me... while we were caged inside that fox-trap, that if we survived you would never steal another chicken, goose, turkey, duck, ...or squab, whatever they are." "And I believed you." "Why?" "Why did you lie to me?" " Because I'm a wild animal" " You're also a husband and a father." "I'm trying to tell you the truth about myself." "I don't care about the truth about yourself." "This story is too predictable." "Predictable?" "Really?" "What happens in the end!" "?" "In the end, we all die unless you change." "Petey, listen." "Run down to the rentals department over at Malloy Consolidated and place an order for, shall we say, one Mighty Max, one Junior Spitfire, and a long-range Tornado 375 Turbo." "For immediate delivery." "Ash, are you mad at me?" "I understand if you are, and I'm sorry." "I wouldn't have ever involved your cousin if I realized you would feel this way." "It was only ever just because he's kind of a natural, I mean..." "Hey, look at him dig!" " Anyway, I'm sorry your feelings..." " You know what?" "I'm gonna put dirt in my ears." "Yeah, that's better." "I can't hear you now but keep talking." "I don't have beagle ticks, by the way." "Whoa!" "Me, neither." "Whoever said we've beagle..." "Apparently, that's what you've been telling everyone." "Beagle ticks and pelt lice." "I never said that, and you're misquoting me or somebody is, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of it." "Look, Ash, we may or may not ever see the light of day again, ...but I really like Agnes, and I think she likes me." "Great." "She's a free agent." "What do I care?" " Well, then why're you dead-set on..." " Can I ask you a question?" " You may." " What's the point of sitting on the floor... with your legs twisted into a pretzel talking to yourself for an hour and forty-five minutes?" "It's weird." "My father and I first started practicing meditation together when I was..." "Yeah?" "Well, that's great." "But I'd worry more about what that does for your reputation than whether or not you have beagle ticks or not." "I don't." "Nor pelt lice." "One of those slovenly farmers is probably wearing my tail as a necktie by now." "You're paranoid, Foxy." "Farmer, thank you." "Correct me if am misreading the data, you've successfully destroyed the scenery, but the alleged fox" "Look at Dad's tie." "What will you three prominent farmers do now?" "Well, Dan, I can tell you what we're not going to do." "We're not gonna let him go." "Stand clear, please." "Stand clear, everyone." "Contact!" "Boggis, how many men, did you got working on your farm?" " Thirty five." " Bunce?" " Thirty six." " And I've got thirty-seven." "That's..." "I'd say, a hundred and eight altogether." "Petey!" "Drop everything and assemble all hundred and eight members of our entire three combined work-forces." "We're gonna starve them out and then kill them." "Starting in, shall we say, fifteen minutes." "An estimated, a hundred and eight snipers are currently in position surrounding the demolished fox residence." "Many local animals, who'd appear to be trapped underground, ...without provisions of any kind at this point." "If I had a crystal ball, I'd predict a fairly grisly outcome to the situation." "But we stand on the scene, watching closely, ...as events continue to unfold." "This is gonna be a total cluster cuss for everybody." "How long can a fox go without food or water?" "Well, I can only answer as an opossum, ...but I don't think I can last more than another couple of hours.." "...before I get completely dehydrated and starve to death." "What's that?" " Dad?" " Not a sound." "You scared the cuss out of us!" "A lot of good animals are probably gonna die because of you." "We've been digging in circles for three days." "Half the woods have been obliterated." "Nobody can get out." "Right now my wife's huddled at the bottom of the flint-mine... with no food, no water, and twenty seven starving animal brats!" "I just want to see a little sunshine." "But you're nocturnal, Phil." "Your eyes barely even open, on a good day." "I'm sick of your double-talk." "We have rights!" "We don't like you, and we hate your dad." "Now grab some of that mud, chew it in your mouth, and swallow it." " I'm not gonna eat mud!" " Cuss, yeah, you are." "Don't do that." "Why'd you take your shoes off?" "So I don't break your nose when I kick it." "I can fight my own fights." "No, you can't." "Those farmers aren't gonna quit until they've got you and every member of your family nailed upside-down to a bloody stick with your eyes gorged out." "This is getting a little too personal." "Give me a minute." "I've got an idea." " What is it?" " It could be a good one." " Lay it on us." " It might save our lives." "Say the idea!" "Alright!" "Let's try it!" "Go to the flint-mine." "Tell Mrs. Badger, et al. that help is on the way." "Is help on the way?" "I sure as cuss hope so." "Ash, I know what it's like to feel different." "I'm not different, am I?" "We all are." "Him, especially." "But there's something kind of fantastic about that, isn't there?" "Not to me." "I'd prefer to be an athlete." "Gentlemen, this time we must dig in a very special direction." "I got to kind of feel out the vibe." "Begin." "Come on!" "I hit it slap in the middle!" "Do you get how incredible this is?" "About a handsome little fox, Let me sing you folks a yarn." "Hey, diddle-dee, doddle-do, doodle-dum!" "It was a splendid little feller, Full of wit 'n' grace 'n' charm." "Say, zippy-zee, yappy-yo, google-gum!" "Well, like any little critter needing Vittels for his littl'uns." "Well, he stole, and he cheated, And he lied to survive." "Doodle-dum, diddle-die, doddle-diddle-doodle-dee!" "Zippy-zo, zippy-zay, zippy-zappy-zoopy-zee!" "Doodle-dum, Doodle-dum" "Let me take a little tick now To color in the scene," "Across the valley lived three yokels Name of Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "Now these three crazy jackies had our hero on the run" "Shot the tail off the cuss With a fox-shooting gun." "But that stylish little fox Was as clever as a whip." "Dug as quick as a gopher Who was a hyper-ack-a-tive." "Now those three farmers sit It where there's a hole, it was once a hill." "Singing, diddle-dee, doddle-do, doodle-dum!" "And as far as I can reckon They're a-setting up there still." "Singing, zippy-zee, yappy-yo," "What are you singing, Petey?" "Just... just making up one as I went along, really." "That's just weak song-writing!" "You wrote a bad song, Petey!" "We took everything." "They took everything?" "Let me call you back, Petey." " Well, they'd be anywhere by now." " They're digging right under our feet." "Well, in a sense, we've only made matters worse." "We should have stayed out of it." "I've got an idea." "I'm still not getting a signal." "Is anyboby getting any reception?" "I don't have any signal, but I've got a problem." "Crisp up those ducks." "Aye, drag those chickens." "Slow them down just a little bit, we're a little ahead." "Where are the apples?" "Stiil out?" "You still have them raw?" "Well, slice them up." "Let's get them in the pantry." "I can imagine how painful, even just emotionally, that must be for you." "Well, you know, it's not the end of the world." "Oh, but Foxy, how humiliating!" "Having your whole tail blown clean off..." "Can we drop it?" "Yeah, it's really good." "Sweet and nice." "Hey, they say you're a natural." "True or false?" " I just..." " Answer the question." " True, I guess" " Correct." "Get out of here, Agnes." "I need to have a private word with Kristofferson." " Just a minute." "She doesn't..." " I don't mind." "I'm gonna go talk to them." "Listen to me, I just had a brainstorm for something fantastic I've got to do." "But I can't do it alone." " I'm not interested." " Hear me out." "No, thanks." "I think foxes from your side of the family take unnecessary risks." "Only because they got the guts in their blood and so do we." " Was I a bit rude to Agnes?" " Yeah." "I'd probably say something I shoudn't." "I'll say something to her in a minute." " What's the brainstorm?" " In a nutshell?" "We're gonna steal back my dad's tail." "Okay, chief." " Here we go." "Well, it took a near catastrophe for all of you to finally take me up on my offer to have you over to the flint-mine for dinner." " but I guess we have..." " I'm sorry." "Maybe my invitation got lost in the mail." "Does anybody know what this badger's talking about?" "Hey, hold on." "But Clive's right." "In all seriousness." "Excuse me, B." "I guess we do have these three ugly farmers to thank for one thing:" "...reminding us to be thankful and aware of each other." "I'm gonna say it again." "Aware." "I don't feel safe." " That's because we're not." "You should probably put on your bandit hat now." "Personally, I don't have one, but I modified this tube sock." " We look good." " Yeah, we do." "Now where would you keep a prized tail, if you collected them, if that was your hobby?" "I'd probably hang it over the mantelpiece." "Right." "Good." "In fact..." "what's that smell?" "Ever tasted one of Mrs. Bean's famous nutmeg-ginger-apple-snaps?" "Well, I didn't do." "They are still warm." " We got it wrong." " What?" "It's not over the mantelpiece..." "The necktie." " Let's go." "What?" " Hang on." "I wanna do more." " She's there!" " She can't see." "Look at each other." "Here we are." "Wow!" "Now I've already had too much to drink, and I'm feeling sentimental, but I'm gonna say something, anyway, which nobody wants to admit, ...but I think is probably true." "We beat them." "We beat those farmers, and now we're triumphantly eating ...their roasted chicken, their sizzling duck, ...their succulent turkey, their foie gras de..." " Where did the boys go?" " What?" "Where?" " Ash?" "Kristofferson?" " Boys?" "Oh, my God!" "That was crazy!" "I can't believe what just happened in there." "Come on, let's go out of here!" "Let's go!" "Where are we?" "Where are we?" "Where are we?" "What?" "Kristofferson?" "What am I hearing again, baby?" "What's happening?" "Am I still paranoid?" "Cider?" "What just happened?" "Something with cider." "That was dangerous." " Is anyone hurt?" " We're all hurt!" "My entire flint-mine just got demolished." "Apple juice." "Apple juice flood." "Let's do a head-count!" "Everybody pick a buddy!" "Where did the boys go?" " Ash?" " Ash?" "Kristofferson?" "Ash!" "?" "I'm here!" "Ash!" "Who's your buddy?" " Kristofferson." " Where is he?" " I don't know." " Why not?" " I lost him!" " You lost him?" " I, uh, I was in the kitchen..." " Where were you?" " We were trying to find the necktie." " What are you talking about?" " It's my fault." " Oh, no." "Where did you that nutmeg-ginger-apple-snap?" "And why are you wearing that fake bandit hat!" "?" "We went to steal back your tail." " Kristofferson!" "Kristofferson!" " Kristofferson!" "Kristofferson!" "Wrap this wet, little mutt in a newspaper and put him in a box with some holes punched in the top." "There's only one way out of this sewer, but the manhole cover's closed, ...and there's a station wagon parked on it." "Which means we're permanently stuck down here." "You still think we beat them, Foxy?" "Badger's right." "These farmers aren't gonna quit until they catch me." "I shouldn't have lied to your face." "I shouldn't have fallen off the wagon and started secretly stealing chickens on the sly." "I shouldn't have pushed these farmers so far and tried to embarrass them ...and cuss with their heads." "I enjoyed it, but I shouldn't have done it." "And now there's only one way out." "Maybe if I hand myself over and let them kill me, ...stuff me, and hang me over their mantelpiece." "You'll do no such thing." "Darling, maybe they'll let everyone else live." "Oh, why did you have to get us into this, Foxy?" "I don't know, but I have a possible theory." "I think I have this thing where I need everybody to think..." "I'm the greatest..." "the quote-unquote fantastic Mr. Fox." "And if they aren't completely knocked-out and dazzled, ...and kind of intimidated by me, then..." "I don't feel good about myself." "Foxes traditionally like to court danger, hunt prey, ...and outsmart predators." "And that's what I'm actually good at!" "I think, at the end of the day, I'm just..." "I know." "We're wild animals." "I guess we always were." "I promise you, if I had all this to do over again," "I'd have never let you down." "It was always more fun when we did it together, anyway." " I love you, Felicity." " I love you, too." "But I shouldn't have married you." "Did I ever tell you about the time I learned we were gonna have a cub?" " In the fox-trap." " Right." " We were at gunpoint, and your mother..." " said she's pregnant." "Let me tell it, okay?" "I had no idea how we were gonna get out of this jam, and then it hit me: what do foxes do better than any other animal?" " Dig." " You're stepping on my lines." "Right, keep telling it." "So we dug." "And the whole time I put paw over paw, ...scooping dirt and pebbles with your mother digging like crazy beside me," "I kept wondering:" "who is this little boy gonna be?" " Or girl." " Or girl, right." "Because at that point we didn't know." "Ash, I'm so glad he was you." "It's not your fault..." "it's mine." "Goodbye." "Well, I guess we should, uh probably split into a certain number of groups and start doing something, right?" "Can I have a glass of water?" "Excuse me!" "Excuse me?" "Kristofferson?" "Hello?" "Can you hear us?" "Kristofferson?" "They got the boy." "They want to trade the son for his poppa." "Why'd they write this in letters cut out of magazines?" "To protect their identities." "Oh, right, but then why did they sign their names?" "Plus, we already knew who they were because they're trying to kill us." "Mr. Fox, we have your son." "If you ever want to see him alive again..." "You took the wrong fox." "I'm his son." "I can see the resemblance." "What's that?" " Help!" "Come on, man!" "Come on!" "Look at you, girl!" "You're still as fine looking as a creme brulee." "Am I being flirted with by a psychotic rat?" "Excuse me, may I cut-in?" "The boy is locked in an apple crate on top of a gunlocker in the attic of Bean Annex." "Would you have told me if I didn't kill you first?" "Never." "All these wasted years." "What were you looking for, Rat?" "He's trying to say something, Dad." "Cider." "Here you are, Rat." "A beaker of Bean's finest secret cider." "Like melted gold." "He redeemed himself." "Redemption?" "Sure." "But, in the end he's just another dead rat in a garbage pail behind a Chinese restaurant." "He might been..." "Yes, he did." "My suicide mission's been canceled." "We're replacing it with a go-for-broke rescue mission." "In a way, I'm almost glad that flood interrupted us, ...because I don't like the toast I was giving." "I'm gonna start over." "When I look down this table with the exquisite feast set before us," "I see, two terrific lawyers, a skilled pediatrician, ...a wonderful chef, a savvy real estate agent, ...an excellent tailor, a crack accountant, a gifted musician, ...a pretty good minnow fisherman, and possibly the best landscape painter working on the scene today." "Maybe a few of you might even read my column from time to time." "Who knows?" "I tend to doubt it." "I also see a room full of wild animals." "Wild animals with true natures and pure talents." "Wild animals with scientific sounding Latin names that means something about our D.N.A." "Wild animals each with his own strengths and weaknesses due to his or her species." "Anyway, I think it may very well be all the beautiful differences among us that just might give us the tiniest glimmer of a chance of saving my nephew and letting me make it up to you for getting us into this crazy whatever-it-is." "I don't know." "It's just a thought." "Thank you for listening." "Cheers, everyone." "Let's eat!" "What?" "I was just playing along with the pitch he was doing." "Will you join me?" "I will." "Go ahead." "Thank you." "Alright!" "Let's start planning!" "Who knows shorthand?" "Great!" "Linda!" "Lutra Lutra!" "You got some dry paper?" "Here we go." "Mole!" "Talpa Europea!" "What do you got?" " I can see in the dark?" " That's incredible!" "We can use that!" " Linda?" " Got it." " Rabbit!" "Oryctolagus Cuniculus!" " I'm fast." " You bet you're!" "Linda?" " Got it." " Beaver!" "Castor Fiber!" " I can chew through wood." " Amazing!" "Linda?" " Got it." " Badger!" "Meles Meles!" " Demolitions expert!" "What?" "Since when?" " Explosions, flames, burning things!" " Demolitions expert!" " Okay!" "Linda?" " Got it." " Weasel!" "Mustela Nivalis!" " Stop yelling!" "Alright!" "Alright, Ash, you get these little kids organized ...and put together some kind of a K.P. unit or something to keep this sewer clean." "It's good for morale." "Done!" "What's K.P?" "I think it means janitors." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Mate, over here!" "Hey!" "I wanna go with you, too." "I wanna fight." "Good." "Fabulous!" "Microtus Pennsylvanicus!" "I didn't get a job yet or a Latin name." "What's my strength?" "Listen, you're Kylie." "You're an unbelievably nice guy." "Your job is really just to..." "be available, I think." "I don't know your Latin name." "I doubt they even had opossums in ancient Rome." "It's stupendous." "Where's us?" " Right here." " Paint an X." "Dear Farmers Boggis, Bunce, and Bean," "I have no alternative but to agree to your terms." "Move the station wagon and open the manhole cover below the foot of the drainpipe next to the cobbler's shop and meet me there today at 10 a. m. sharp." "I will hand myself over to you in exchange for the boy's safe return." "Cordially, Mr. Fox." "Why'd he write this in letters cut out of magazines?" "I don't know, but you did the same thing." "I don't trust this guy." "Anyway, set up the ambush." "Synchronize your clocks." "The time is now nine forty-five a. m." "Here, put these bandit hats on." "Did you bring the boy?" "Of course, we did!" "Say something, kid!" "Excuse me!" "Excuse me?" "Come on!" "That doesn't sound anything like him!" "It's amateur night in Dixie!" "What the cuss is he burning?" "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "Is that all you've got, Mr. Fox?" "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "These horrible crooks, so different in looks, ...were nonetheless equally mean." "It's unclear, whether the..." "These horrible crooks, so different in looks, ...were nonetheless equally mean." "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "These horrible crooks, so different in looks, ...were nonetheless equally mean." "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "Twenty-eight pinecones fired!" "Twenty-two targets hit." "...phase!" "Go!" " Yes, sir." "Da..." "Dad's on fire." " Foxy, you're on." " We are ready." "I'm gonna find him, I'm gonna bring him back." "I know, you will." "Contact!" "Are you scared of wolves?" "Scared, no!" "I have a phobia of them!" "Well, I have a thing about thunder!" " Why?" "That's stupid!" " I don't like needles myself!" "Where did you come from again?" "How did you get in the sidecar?" "I feel like I'm losing my mind!" "I've got a fox on a motorcycle with a littler fox and, uh what looks like to be an opossum in the sidecar riding north on farm lane 7." "Does that sound like anything to anybody?" "Red, it's Franklin Bean!" "Turn around, get the cuss back here, ...and pick us up on the A.S.A.P!" "Kylie, you got a credit card?" " Sure." "See, this is what I was saying about how good you are at just being available for..." "A Titanium Card?" "How the cuss did you qualify for this?" "I pay my bills on time." "I've always had good credit." " Come on." " Wait a second." "What's this thing you do?" "The whistle with the clicking sound." "What do you mean?" "That's my trademark." "Give me a blueberry." " What?" " Blueberry." " You didn't say..." " You forgot the blueberries?" "I did say it!" "I wrote it on your paw!" "Yeah, it's written..." "What's that white stuff around his mouth?" "I think he eats soap." "That's not soap." " Well, then why does he have that bubbly..." " He's rabid." "With rabies." "I've heard about this beagle." "You two go ahead while I distract him." "Who?" "Huh!" "What!" "?" "I can fit through there." " Hm?" "You wanna know why?" "Why?" "Because I'm little." "Give me that shoelace." "It's me." "I'm rescuing you." " I've got mixed feelings about that." " I don't blame you." "Can you give me a karate lesson real quick?" "Okay." "Stand like this." "Position yourself on the balls of your feet." "Close your eyes." "You weigh less than a slice of bread." "I feel like there's a tenderness in your eyes, isn't there?" "Yes, I'm right." "Let's review the principle of ... techniques:" "...jumping, flipping, landing." "You're a good boy." "A little lonely, maybe, but terribly sweet." "Is your name Spitz?" "That's German, isn't it?" "Now for a rudimentary version of the cyclone chop." "First, you need to get a running start, which obviously, I can't do in here, ...then, as you arrive at the destination of the chop lean and thrust into the point of contact," "...paw remains open and straight, then withdraw instantaneously." "Remember, it's the pull back that matters." "The pull back generates the force of the impact." "Got it." "Yeah, I'm just gonna chop this thing right off." "He's gonna do it!" "Why, you're just as sweet as..." "I thought he said: never look a beagle in the eye." "Did..." "Did you chop it?" "Oh, no!" "No!" "No!" "Kristofferson?" "Kristofferson!" "I'm okay." "I'm okay." " I'm sorry." " That's alright." "You were just trying to unlock the apple crate." "No, I mean, I'm sorry about..." "Oh, you mean from before." "The apology you owed me which you never actually said." "Right." "I'm grumpy." "I spit." "I wake up on the wrong side of the bed." "I'm just different, apparently." "But... it won't happen again." "Kristofferson, I'm sorry." "That's alright, too." "Throw me the shoelace, please." "Are you okay?" "He's wearing it." "Your tractors uprooted my tree." "Your posse hunted my family." "Your gunmen kidnapped my nephew." "Your rat insulted my wife and you shot off my tail." "I'm not leaving here without that neck tie." "Kill him!" "Actually, we should just go." "Where did I park?" "I weigh less than a slice of bread." " What?" " I'll be right back." "Ash!" "?" "Dodge the grabbers, duck the taggers, ...jump the twig basket and knock the cedar-stick off the cross-rock." "Hot box!" "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "These horrible crooks, so different in looks, ...were nonetheless equally mean." "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "These horrible crooks, so different in looks, ...were nonetheless equally mean." "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "These horrible crooks, so different in looks, ...were nonetheless equally mean." "Ash, that was pure, wild animal craziness." "You're an athlete." "Here, put this bandit hat on." "Goggles!" "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "These horrible crooks, so different in looks, ...were nonetheless equally mean." "Boggis, Bunce, and Bean." "One fat, one short, one lean." "Are you gonna...?" "Holy swearing cuss!" "Petey!" "Bring us a ladder, please." "Stand by!" "I just intercepted a high frequency radio signal with the can." "And I think they're on their way home!" "Don't turn around." " What?" "Where did he come from?" "Where did you come from?" "What are you doing here?" "Canis lupus!" "Vulpes Vulpes!" "I don't think he speaks English or Latin." "Pensez-vous que I'hiver sera rude?" "I'm asking if he thinks we're in for a hard winter." "He doesn't seem to know." "I have a phobia of wolves!" "What a beautiful creature." "Wish him luck, boys." " Good luck." " Good luck out there." "These three, in this reporter's opinion, obsessed farmers remain convinced the fox in question will eventually reappear." "Why?" "Because foxes aren't meant to live in a sewer." " They're refugees." " All they have to eat down there is..." "Trash!" "And not much of it." "Thank you, farmers." "For Action Twelve, this is Dan Peabody." "What are we looking at?" " It's just his tonsils." "They're little swelled." " Oh, is it serious?" " No, hopefully, he wants to lose them." " Lose the tonsils?" " Let's..." " I'm hungry." " Well, have some water." "Here." "I like walking." "My darlings?" " Where are we going?" " Nobody knows." "We were in the middle of a meditation practice." "Watch your step." "Let's see, now." "Where does this lead?" " Oh, no, Foxy." "It's filthy." " Keep a good grip, everyone." " This better be worth it." " I think I see a little sliver of light." "What's this?" " Is it a door?" " You're a terrible actor, Foxy." "Do you smell something?" "Is that... freon?" "I'm gonna crack open this trap door and see if something's on the other side." "I highly doubt it, though." "There's probably just more sewer." " You know, wouldn't it be surprising if" " Open it." "Hey, look!" "There's a whole, enormous, glorious, ...gigantic supermarket up here!" "And they close early on weekends." "You really are kind of a quote-unquote fantastic fox." "I try." "Get enough to share with everybody, and remember the Rabbits are vegetarians, and Badger's supposedly can't eat walnuts." "I guess now that Kristofferson's dad's already down to single pneumonia and getting better, he'll be going home soon, huh?" "Actually, when he spoke to me from the hospital, he said he was already talking to Weasel about real estate availabilities ...down in our sewer system." "Oh, really?" "Well, now's the time to buy." "Okay, I get it." "Is that your trademark?" "I'm pregnant again." "Wow!" "I think we're both glowing." "Do another toast, Dad." "Okay." "Let's see." "Yeah." "Right." "Okay!" "They say all foxes are slightly allergic to linoleum." "But it's cool to the paw." "Try it." "They say my tail needs to be dry cleaned twice a month but now it's fully detachable." "See?" "They say our tree may never grow back." "But, one day, something will." "Yes, these crackles are made out of synthetic goose, ...and these Giblets come from artificial squab." "And even these apples look fake but at least they've got stars on them." "I guess my point is... we'll eat tonight, and we'll eat together, ...and even in this not particularly flattering light, ...you are without a doubt, the five-and-a-half most wonderful wild animals I've ever met in my life." "So let's raise our boxes." "To our survival!" "How was that?" "That was a good toast." "¶ Well there she goes with a brand new love affair ¶" "¶ Dancing with him like she don't even care ¶" "¶ Well let her dance with him, let her dance all night long ¶" "¶ Well who would've known that just yesterday ¶" "¶ She danced with me the very same way ¶" "¶ Well let her dance with him, let her dance all night long ¶" "Subtitle by silentFØX"