"CAREY:" "Good evening, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway." "Tonight on the show:" "international super-villain Greg Proops sultry double agent Wayne Brady baby-faced assassin Colin Mochrie and the man known only as the puma, Ryan Stiles." "And I'm your host, Drew Carey." "Come on, Iet's go have some fun." "[CHEERING]" "Hello." "Hello, hello, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter." "Great show." "What happens is all these guys have to come up onto the center stage here and they have to make up, on the spot, off the top of their head skits and games." "And they're based on the suggestions on these cards which they've never seen before, and suggestions from the audience." "At the end of each game, I give them points." "The points don't mean a thing." "I give them anyway because I Iove them." "And what happens at the end of the game, I try to pick a winner or winners and they get to do a Iittle something special with me." "AUDIENCE:" "Whoa." "Which may not make it to the air." "We're gonna do something special anyway." "The first game is Let's Make a Date." "This is for all of you." "Ryan, Colin and Greg you'II be contestants on a dating show, hoping to be picked by Wayne." "But on these cards, we've given them each a strange characteristic or identity." "This is the first time they're seeing the envelopes here." "Wayne's gonna give them questions and guess who they are by the end of the game." "So...." "Miss Wayne, whenever you're ready." "[FEMININE VOICE] Bachelor number one." "I Iove a man who loves his body, because I Iove muscles." "Now, I Iike a man who likes to work out" "[IMITATING CLINTON] Excuse me." "Can I interrupt?" "." "Oh, but, please." "How old are you?" "." "Bachelor number one, you don't ask a woman's age." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Bachelor number two, hey." "Bachelor number two." "Yeah?" "." "What's your favorite type of entertainment on a hot, dusty Saturday morning?" "." "Well, I usually like to go on a picnic, but-- What the--?" "." "[SCREAMING]" "At ease!" "At ease!" "Easy, easy." "I want you to know that I feel your pain." "Bachelor number three, hello." "STILES:" "Hello there." "Good morning to you." "BRADY:" "If you had a chance to go back to school and reenact your most important school moment what would it be?" "." "Oh, I guess it would have to be the first day of school when I met all the other students." "Stupid answer." "That's a stupid...." "Stupid." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "I'II come back to you, bachelor number three." "Bachelor number one." "Hello, young American." "Bachelor number one" "You don't mind if I smoke, do you?" "." "BRADY:" "Uh-uh." "[AUDIENCE GASPING]" "Not at all, bachelor number one, not at all." "Bachelor number two." "Oh, they're here." "They're here on me." "BRADY:" "Bachelor number two." "I enjoy reading great, great works of literary content." "What's your favorite book and why?" "." "Well, who gives a damn?" "." "Get away!" "[SCREAMING]" "Bachelor number three." "STILES:" "Yes?" "." "When I'm hot and sweaty, I Iove a Yoo-Hoo." "What's your favorite drink?" "." "Oh, I guess I Iike beer more than, Iike, a soda pop or something." "I guess I'm just kind of-- At heart, I'm like a bad boy." "Bad boy." "Bad boy." "Bad boy." "Bad, bad, bad boy." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "Bad boy." "Bad, bad, bad boy." "Bad." "Bad." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "Well, Wayne, do you have any idea who any of these people might be?" "." "Let me think." "Bachelor number one is the president." "CAREY:" "Yes." "President clinton, as a matter of fact." "Bachelor number two was being gradually eaten by army ants." "Yeah." "Soldier ants." "Yeah." "That's good." "And bachelor number three..." "[AUDIENCE AND CAREY LAUGHING] ...was, was the...." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]" "Was the-- Was the pornographic version of Rain Man." "CAREY:" "No." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "He was supposed to be a masochist." "Oh, I see." "CAREY:" "So that's good enough." "Thank you very much." "Two out of three, that's not bad." "[CAREY LAUGHING]" "Hey, I'm gonna deduct a hundred points for making me watch that." "Thanks for nothing." "I was right on top of the play." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]" "Now, Iet's go to a game called Film, Theater and Television Styles." "This is for Ryan and Greg." "They're gonna act out a scene." "I'm gonna make them adopt different styles that I'm gonna get from the audience." "I need styles of film or theater or television." "MAN:" "Kabuki." "CAREY:" "Kabuki." "Horror, kabuki." "Greek tragedy." "These guys love Greek tragedy." "Uh, pornography is a good one." "[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]" "CAREY:" "elvis movie, okay." "Whatever that is." "Sesame Street." "Okay, that's plenty, that's plenty." "That's plenty." "Your scene is:" "Greg, you're a farmer who comes to complain to Ryan a neighboring farmer about some giant killer bees coming from his barn." "And you'II start out as normal." "I'II come out with another style as soon as you get going." "Uh, excuse me, Deke." "Yeah." "Billy, I haven't seen you in four years, you haven't been over." "No, I haven't had need to come over." "But I have to tell you about something." "My child's head is sw" "[STILES IMITATES BEE BUZZING]" "Back to the barn, my" "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "CAREY:" "Horror." "It's about these bees of yours." "They don't seem normal, not Iike regular bees." "They fly into your house, and the next thing you know, your child's head is spinning." "They're not my bees." "I have no control over them." "Back into the barn." "Wait till I call you." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "Kabuki." "[IMITATING KARATE YELL]" "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "The bees are our friends." "My father said the bees are good." "[IMITATING JAPANESE]" """My cows are swollen and red.""" "Uh, elvis." "[IMITATING ELVIS] Listen, your bees are stinging, man." "Let me pick them off you." "Wait." "They're all over your" "I'm trying to get them off me here too." "[SINGING] We're going on a bee hunt" "We got a bad bee problem, baby, but they ain't my bees." "Your bees are a Iot bigger than" "CAREY:" "Sesame Street." "[GOOFY VOICE] I've been stung on the bottom." "Can you spell ""bee""?" "." "You can't spell B. B's a letter." "No." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "There's more than one letter in ""bee.""" "Well, it's odd that there's bees in this neighborhood." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "Greek tragedy." "Testiclese." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "That's the game, right there." "Thank you very much." "STILES:" "Oh, is that it?" "." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "How do you top a good Greek play on words like that?" "." "You can't." "I'II give you 2000 points just for that." "That was great." "Now, Iet's go on to a game called Dating-Service Video." "This is for all of you." "Ryan, Colin, you're gonna use that box of hats." "You guys will use this box." "And using hats, you'II come up with as many ways possible of the world's worst dating-service video." "Ryan and Colin, whenever you're ready, go ahead." "I tried to get all fancied up for you." "Too much moose?" "." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "[CAREY LAUGHING]" "I'm from Minnesota." "We have come for your women." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "MOCHRIE:" "The last time I fourscored was 20 years ago." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "I'm not necessarily looking for a date, but I can get you one." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "I know what you're thinking." "There's only one way to find out." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "They're always after me Lucky Charms." "I will have you on a boat, I will have you with a goat." "On a boat with a goat, I don't care." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]" "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "Yes, captain, I'd Iike some booty." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "We're gonna go on a date." "I'II see you next Thursday night on that date!" "You be there!" "I'II be there on that date!" "Oh, I'm gonna be there!" "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "My name's Mimi, and I'II take anyone but that Drew Carey." "That's it." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "We're gonna take a short commercial break." "We'II be right back with more Whose Line Is It Anyway." "Don't go anywhere." "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "Hello." "Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway where everything's made up and the points don't matter." "Hey, we have a special supplement in the TV Guide." "It's a special Whose Line Is It Anyway?" ", uh, score book." "And if you don't have one in your TV Guide, call TV Guide and complain." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "Now, Iet's go to a game called Weird Newscasters." "This is for all of you." "Colin, you're the anchorman of a news show." "And the rest of you are gonna help him out." "Greg, you're the co-anchor." "And you are Captain Kirk." "Wayne, you're gonna do the sports." "You're on a videotape that's speeding up and slowing down." "And, Ryan, you're doing the weather." "You're an excited rock star in front of a big crowd." "So whenever you hear the music, Colin, take it away." "[NEWS THEME PLAYING]" "Welcome to the 6:00 news." "I'm Burn Nightly." "Our top story today:" "A national study shows that balding men make the best lovers." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "And now, over to my new co-anchor." "please welcome Captain Kirk." "Stardate 59623." "Spock, what is it?" "." "We've got to deliver the news." "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "Now, over to sports." "Thank you." "AII right, folks." "We know the San Diego Padres are kings." "They are sweeping everything." "And it turns out they're...." "[SLOW SPEED] He hit the ball and it went far." "[LAUGHING]" "And that's why he's gonna be voted VIP...." "[HIGH-SPEED CHATTER]" "Well, now, over to weather with Skippy Bartholomew." "Skippy." "Right, Los Angeles, are you ready for some weather?" "." "One, two, one, two, three, four days of sunshine ahead this week." "It's gonna cloud up later in the week." "And then you have rain on the weekend, rain on the weekend!" "The weekend, the week" "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "Thank you, Skippy." "Well, that's the 6:00 news." "please stay tuned." "In most of the country, you'II be seeing a very special Dukes of Hazzard." "Until tomorrow, this is the 6:00 news." "Good night." "[NEWS THEME PLAYING]" "I hate to say this, but I wasn't really paying attention." "Uh...." "Five hundred points okay with you guys?" "." "AII right." "Let's go to a game called Greatest Hits." "This is for Colin, Ryan and Wayne with the help of Laura Hall on the piano." "Colin and Ryan" " Colin and Ryan are gonna be voice-over guys talking about the latest compilation album." "Wayne is gonna sing snippets of the songs." "What we need from the audience is the kind of profession you wouldn't normally sing a song about." "What was that up top?" "." "Postal worker." "The name of your album is Songs of the Postal Worker." "Take it away." "Hi." "We'II return you to the 24-hour Drew Carey network in just a moment." "But first, have we got a deal for you." "For as long as there's been mail, there's been someone to deliver it." "That's just a fact." "That's right, we've got over 300 hits on a two-CD set." "And, Colin, these songs cover every postal worker through the ages." "That's right." "Let's listen to our first selection that great Latin song ""Mail.""" "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "[LATIN BEAT PLAYING]" "[IMITATES LATIN ACCENT] Because you see me when I go" "I deliver through the sleet and the snow" "I get this package there without fail" "Thank God they came up with this word It's called mail" "It's for me" "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "And who could ever forget that 1 940s boogie-woogie hit "" Put it in the slot""?" "." "[BOOGIE-WOOGIE MUSIC PLAYING]" "Will you deliver something For me, please" "[FALSETTO] Will you deliver for me, please?" "Because I've gotta send it overseas" "[HUMMING]" "Because it gets real hot" "Deliver to my boyfriend the mail In the mail slot" "Put it in the slot It's too big" "It's a package, put it in the slot" "Give it to me because I gotta put it" "Gotta put it in the slot You put it in" "You put it in the slot, you mail it And you put it in the slot today" "Hey, it's from my girl" "[LOW TONE] ""Dear John """ "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "You know, Colin, these CDs make great gifts as well." "Who could you give one to?" "." "Why, if I had anyone in my Iife, it'd be them." "Hey, why don't you buy one for me this Christmas?" "." "Sure." "Like I'm made of money." "But let's get back to some of the tunes." "You know, one of my favorite artists of all time made this little song." "It wasn't one of her biggest hits, but one of her finest." "And that, of course, is Tina Turney's" "Tina Turner's." "A close friend of Tina Turney's." "Tina Turner's big hit ""Hey, Man, Tie Up Your Dog.""" "[SOUL MUSIC PLAYING]" "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "I've seen you, Mr. Postman" "With your bag that's really full" "Look at my booty" "It's been bitten by that pit bull" "Oh." "Every day without fail" "Me and my long legs deliver your mail" "So tie that pit bull up" "Before I kill it Sing, Tina" "I kill it Sing, girl" "Ruff, ruff, tie it Ruff, ruff, tie it" "Ruff, ruff, tie your pit bull up" "You gotta, woof, tie it Pit bull, tie it" "Pit bull, tie your pit bull up" "That' s good, girl." "That was good." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "Great." "We're gonna go to commercial." "When we come back we'II find out who the winner is." "The winner gets to do something with me." "We'II be right back with more Whose Line Is It Anyway." "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "Hello, and welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway." "Uh, the winners tonight:" "Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie." "Ryan and Colin." "And, uh, they're gonna do a Iittle game with me called Helping Hands." "What happens is we're gonna do a scene here but Ryan cannot use his own arms." "He has to get arms from, uh, Colin." "What's our scene, Greg?" "." """Ryan is a pet-care guru teaching you how to look after his dog.""" "So, Ryan, glad to meet you." "Mr." "Carey, nice to meet you." "Watch your show all the time." "Very funny." "Very funny." "The very flamboyant woman, I laugh at her all the time." "The tall guy in that show is so funny." "Really?" "." "Can't stop laughing at him." "Cracks me up." "You gotta give him more lines." "He doesn't get enough lines." "Okay, I'II see what I can do about it." "You know, I'm worried about my dog, Fido." "I don't think he's eating right." "Well, he's the sweetest little dog we've had in years." "Why, you Iittle" "I'II hold him for you." "I'II hold him here." "I'm worried about how" "Maybe you could show-- What's the proper way to feed him?" "." "Just hand Fido to me." "And what we'II do is we'II give Fido a nice relaxing bath just to calm his nerves a bit." "There we go." "He loves that." "He loves that." "He loves it, he loves it." "Oh, maybe you should dry him-- You gonna dry him off a Iittle bit?" "." "They don't like towels." "This is how they prefer it." "Fido's turning purple." "STILES:" "Give him a bone." "What kind of treats would you, Iike, recommend for Fido?" "." "Oh, well, you know what?" "." "Dogs like many treats." "Uh...." "This is one right here." "That looks like a regular, chunky dinner." "This is a special dog blend I make up myself." "Really?" "." "How does it taste?" "." "Oh, it's very" "It's very good." "You want some?" "." "No, no, I don't want any." "I don't want any." "Are you sure?" "." "No, I'm positive." "None for me." "It's really good." "None for me." "Oh, man." "I can't get enough of it." "Yeah, no." "Uh, does he--?" "." "What kind of toys do you recommend he plays with?" "." "Oh, I have a stick he loves to chew on." "He runs like this with it." "He puts it in his mouth." "Yeah?" "." "Oh, he loves it." "Loves it." "What other toys does he like?" "." "He's got his bowl of water." "Do you have any suggestion for cats, how to take care of cats?" "." "What do you know about cats?" "." "Don't tell me about cats, all right?" "." "You don't like cats?" "." "It's not that I don't like them, we just don't agree with each other." "CAREY:" "Oh, my God." "Would you Iike something to wash that down with?" "." "Yeah." "There you go." "That's better." "I've really" "I've worked well with him." "I think I deserve a treat." "Would you Iike a towel?" "." "Wow." "That was good." "[BUZZER SOUNDING]" "[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]" "Thank you very much." "Thanks for watching Whose Line Is It Anyway." "See you later." "Bye-bye." "[ENGLISH SDH]"