"Most people believe that it is full moon once a month." "But my grandmother, Pichlergranny, said... this is not really true." "Because in a blue month there are two full moons:" "One at the beginning, one at the end." "My grandmother always said..." "that a second full moon is something very special." "The second full moon has a special name." "Where is the courier?" "Why isn't he here?" "You're a day late." "Yes!" "Late!" "Only in Austria do I have such problems." "When will the courier be here with the bail?" "Why isn't he here?" "Enough now!" "I have another call." "The chick you sent me isn't even pretty!" "Do you call that your special service?" "Are you serious?" "What kind of an amateur is she?" "Is she supposed to be your best bird?" "You don't move your ass from here." "Understand?" "What does that mean - 'I don't do that'?" "You will do other things you have never done before!" "You wait for me, okay." "Mister Kovacics?" "Do you have the money?" " Yes." "Please, 20. 000!" "Twenty thousand?" " Yes." "Ten percent are missing." "Why ten percent?" "One day delay- ten percent." "Sorry?" "What are we doing now?" "Stop it, I am not the boss." "Can we call Vienna?" "Yes." "Please." "Call." " Yes." "Understand." "What are you doing?" "Give me the phone." "Okay." "You bitch!" "Eight..." "Maximum eight." "Twelve." "Just eight, yes." "Super Cadillac!" "You want to buy it?" "No, that's nothing for me!" "20, 10 Thank you." "Powerful engine." "How much horse power?" "No idea." "How long have you been here?" "I've been sitting around here for 3 days." "Ignaz Springer." "Pichler." "Dry-as-dust, Pichler." "Awful hole." "Nothing going on." "Your first time here in the east?" "It's obvious." "You have a kind of invisible sign hanging around your neck:" "Looking - for- adventure!" "Mistake." "This here is a shitty hole." "Fucking boring." "Want to have a drink with me?" "Two shots." "Are you travelling?" "Kind of." "Kind of." "And - what do you sell?" "Nothing." "Uhh come on!" "Everyone sells something here." "Me, for example, I sell shoes." "Big Belgian company." "We're building a factory right now in Kiev." "Do you know Kiev?" "In the Ukraine." "Great city- great women." "If you ever come by," "I have an office here." "Give me a call." "Keep it." "So..." "Tell me!" "What do you sell?" "Condoms." "We put up condom vending machines all over the place... along the Transsiberian Railway, Irkutsk, Omsk, all the way to Vladivostok." "Transsiberian Railway..." "But that's not here." "Not yet." "You have to go to India!" "They have a government program." "Every fucking village needs a condom vending machine." "Because of overpopulation." "No!" "I'm in real estate." "I knew it." "Have another drink." "Two 'Borovicka. '" "Not bad, right?" "An honest drink, ha?" "Give it back." "Let me try." "Dear comrades of the" "'People's Enterprise Travel and Leisure'!" "Today we welcome comrade Pichelman from our capitalistic neighbour." "Socialism is dead - long live socialism." "Live for MDR, Ignaz Springer from western Slovakia" " Zilina." "Also in this jacket." "'Hrybi amateur'?" "That is very good." "'Mushrooms Amateur'?" "Is good." "Water?" " Water not good." "Water- fish." "Then wine." "Good news, Pichelman." "We're well out of it." "I've sold the car, or actually... traded it." "That's a joke, right?" " No joke!" "My car?" "Have you ordered anything?" "I take the same, but with French fries." "Your car." "It wasn't your car." "It was a stolen vehicle." "Do you know what could have happened?" "How risky it was to drive around with such a car." "Come on." "A couple of banknotes were in the deal too." "That's all?" "Well, your share." "Deals aren't for free." "You can't still be mad." "Look what I brought for you." "Shoes!" "No rubber shit." "Italian quality." "Nothing is as important Look, a good shoe is like a good friend." "Better paid-for shoes than stolen cars." "Yevgeni Springerova!" "I'm Vlasta!" "Grande Director shoe factory!" "I like shoes." "I have one, two..." "Shoes." "Many shoes." "Factory." "You're enjoying life, Pichler." "You come with us - making Disco?" "Let's go!" "Why he is so..." "Why he do not laugh?" "Massage please." "When the Iron Curtain fell, we were all sitting in front of the TV and were very touched." "Gorbachev said 'He who comes late, will be punished by history. '" "And we all had to cry." "Only Pichlergranny was all quiet." "Then she said, that Gorbachev is no stranger to her." "He's the one who made Hilde Schachinger pregnant... and she would not allow him into her house." "Pichelman..." "I don't understand?" "Brick, you want to buy?" "A brick?" "Buy!" "Brick?" "You want me to buy a brick?" "Buy brick!" "I understand." "How much?" "How much you have in your pockets." "German Marks!" "German Marks!" "German Marks." "No German Marks?" " In the hotel safe." "Uh, yes!" "Where did you get that?" "This is my sister's." "Where is she?" "What have you done with her?" "This is Dana." "She is my sister." "She disappeared three months ago." "I am very worried." "Again:" "Where did you get this?" "What's your name?" "And what do you do here?" "International contacts..." "I'm travelling through all of Europe." "Bratislava, Brussels, Helsinki." "Nobody comes here." "There's nothing here." "I'm searching for your sister." "You're searching for my sister?" "My sister isn't here." "Dana and I have always been different." "Even when we were little girls, we always quarrelled:" "Who of us loved our father more " "Dana or me?" "She is crazy." "One day, during Perestroika, she went nuts." "She packed her bag... and put on her best dress and wanted to go." "'I want to go to America, I want to go to America!" "'" "She screamed." "She is completely crazy." "And you?" "Did you never want to leave?" "I often ask myself, Johnny Pichler:" "What am I still doing here?" "Why am I sitting around in this stupid house?" "And my sheep?" "Why don't they leave?" "They are not tied up, they could easily jump over the fence and run away." "But... they stay here." "Sheep don't jump over fences, Jana." "How do you say for bread?" " Khleb." "Wait a moment." "Look." "She is crazy." "Her husband drowned there." "What?" "Drowned?" "Yes." "Is that an indoor pool?" " Yes." "Sheep..." "Today is your big day." "Can you jump?" "Or can you simply not do it?" "Or is the fence too high?" "Or do you simply enjoy it here?" "Or are you stupid?" "What's it now?" "You don't want to?" "Okay, I have time." "No problem." "We'll do this until it works." "No, this one is too high." "Concentration sheep." "Concentration." "And now - a little jump." "Come on." "No will for freedom." "So now, speed it up." "Yes, yes, yes, yes..." "Don't stop." "In circles!" "Sheep, we have to practice this." "Come." "Come on, one last time." "And jump!" "Yes!" "Super!" "Dosvidanya sheep!" "Be back home at ten o'clock." "Let's go somewhere tomorrow." "I don't know what you do." "I will drive my taxi." "Please." "Can't you forget that stupid taxi for one day?" "Can't you do that?" "I am a taxi driver, do you understand?" "How could I forget my taxi?" "Sorry." "I simply enjoy being with you." "I am also with you when I am driving my taxi." "I am also with you when I do not see you." "What's that you idiots?" "How often do I have to repeat that?" "Why did you send the cement on a Sunday again?" "I told you Thursday!" "I can't come on Sundays to check it." "I can't check anything." "What was that supposed to be again?" "So either you deliver on Thursday, or I don't know what I'll do with you." "Stupid idiots!" "So..." "How are you?" "Good." "Are you ready?" "Sure you are, you are!" "So." "Well." "Everything okay!" " Yes." "Someone from Chernovits." "You go to Chernovits." "322318 lvan-Franko-Street." "They will meet you there." "Everything okay?" "Pazukin, yes." "Yevgeni, the Rat..." "When I was a child, there was a damp meadow behind our house." "Pichlergranny used to tell me at night... that once upon a time there was a big pond... that belonged to a palace." "The owner of the palace, a baron, had a beautiful daughter." "Her name was Marie." "Her hair reached all the way to the floor." "She bet with her brother..." "that she could walk across the pond without drowning." "One night they went down to the pond, and Marie walked across the pond." "She never returned." "The baron let out the water from the pond, but Marie was never found." "That's good." "What is it?" "Fish soup." "What's in it?" "Fish." "The gate will always be open now, okay?" "Jana, let's go to the sea!" "What's the matter with you?" "Why can't we go somewhere together?" " I don't want to." "Aha, you don't want to..." "I am going to Kiev for two days." "My grandfather travelled to Brno to a trade show once a year... to look at new 'tractoras'." "He actually looked at something completely different there." "Pichlergranny liked this one week a year... because she had a rest from him." "Grandfather let off steam with the 'tractoras'..." "and then he was bearable again." "Hey you!" "I was first!" "Do you hear what I'm saying?" "I hold him!" "Grab his taxi!" "Take his taxi." "His taxi!" "Hey, my taxi!" "Are you crazy?" "Pichler, old chap!" "I'm innocent!" "I liked a girl too once." "But she did not like me, because I was wearing white shoes." "She was the daughter of the director of 'Plastics  Elastics'..." "I don't want to hear this story, okay?" "How is your real estate business going?" " Super." "I've just bought your shoe factory." "Can we go to the sea?" "We can do anything." "How much money do we have left?" "We?" "We don't have any money." "Why?" "'We' can go to the sea." "But with money there is no 'we'." "Ha?" "You don't have to come along." "Do you know what 'Druzhba' means?" "'Druzhba' means friendship." "You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours, yes?" "But if only one scratches - the other one's back still itches." "It's like only one of us having the money." "You can stand on your head and do three somersaults, you won't get a single fucking kopek." "You don't even have money." "It's not your money." "It's the money of a woman who walks the streets for you." "Be careful, come on." "I'll fetch you one." "Why?" "I'm not telling you nonsense." "I'm not making things up." "Here, 'Shirley'." "Ukraine!" "I once had a girl too" " Marianna." "She was beautiful and quiet." "But nevertheless she left." "What's the best hotel in Odessa?" "The best?" "I don't know." "The only one I know is the 'Chernomore'." "What now, don't you need to go to the toilet?" "Autobus?" "Yes." "Yes." "Can you give us a lift?" " Where?" "Odessa." "Okay." "Good autobus!" "Are you in the mood for a school bus?" "How was it?" "I used to go swimming a lot." "Do you know where?" "Where?" " Where?" "There is a big, beautiful lake." "It is a nice place, a bit cool, but in the sun it was warm, and we went swimming." "International Gourmet Control." "Try." "More, more, more." "Do you want to trade?" "Is this Odessa!" "This is Dnepropetrovsk." "I thought we're in Odessa." " Nobody said so, right?" "Why do we get off here?" "Because riding a bus is shit." "Come on!" "You're the absolute worst." "Steering-wheel lock." "Lada!" "Lada!" "We take this one." "This is a shitty car, a taxi, a yellow taxi." "Yes, exactly." "We take this one." "What?" "This car swims." "If it makes you happy." "Fucking car." "Can you do that?" "Reverse gear..." "The most important thing now is... to drive off very quietly and inconspicuously." "Taking off the handbrake would not be bad." "Careful!" "I didn't drive, it was him!" "I'm a diplomat." "He's the driver." "What do you mean, I was driving?" "But it's his fault." "Federal Republic of Germany." "Kohl." "Schröder." "Joschka." "Call Joschka Fischer." "Usually this diplomat trick always works." "Diplomats have drivers and drivers drive." "Not this time." "Bad luck happens." "Give me the dough now." "You have it down there." "We need it." "If we ever need it, then now." "Where is it?" "What do you think will happen once they start their interrogations." "They are not joking." "Yes." " Business" "Where do you have the money?" "Let me do it." "I'll handle it." "You handle it?" "You don't even speak Russian." "He doesn't even speak Russian." "These guys will fuck you up." "Honestly, Austrians are always fucked up." "Yes, you nod." "You don't have a clue!" "What?" "My taxi?" "Yes." "Yes, of course." "What... the driver as well?" "Okay, I'm coming." "Yes, okay." "What's happening?" "The brother of Pichlergranny used to go to the woods with me a lot." "He always cried when we did that." "'Uncle Walli, why do you cry?" "' I asked him." "'I don't cry." "I just have water in my eyes'." "Pichlergranny told us that uncle Walli always had bad friends." "'Be aware of bad friends', she said, 'or you too will have water in your eyes. '" "Is that enough?" "It's okay." "Here's your darling." "But, that's the wrong one." "That's the only one we have." "Give me back my money!" "Business is business." "Thanks a lot for getting me out of there, thanks." "What is that?" "What else do you want from me?" "This is the first time I have seen you." "Get lost!" "Get away from my car!" "You trashed my car." "I paid 500 dollars for this poor, battered car." "Leave me alone, I beg you." "I don't want to see you any more." "It was the police." "The police?" "The police." "You trashed my car!" "Which police?" "Leave me alone." "Get lost!" "Stop!" "You have seen what the police does." "I'm not the Red Cross." "You aren't a cruel woman, are you?" "Black Sea." "What else?" "I don't know." "Go." "I'd love to, but..." "I don't have any money." "Okay, how much?" "Whatever you can spare." "Two, three thousand?" "Two hundred." "Thank you." "I'll send it back to you." "I have your address." "Good bye." "How can I help you?" "I am looking for Joe Postman." "He asked me to give this to Miss Shirley." "He said, he'll meet you on the ferry." "This is a ticket for the ferry?" " Right, for the ferry." "Are you sure this is for me?" " Yes." "Please come, we're late." "I need your ticket!" "Your ticket, please!" "Jana, your passport please!" "Translation:" "Martina Stenech Ripped by Brewsky"