"Me" "No, I don't mind." "What?" "Just say who I am?" "Ok, my name is Richard Mayhew" "And..." "I'm in Securities" " Jessica, come on... come and say Hi." " Oh, Richard" "Hello." "London, yes, so nice" "I've lived here for a couple of years and I don't get lost in the underground anymore." "Let's see, I like curry." "I collect those wee..." " ...plastic trolls things." " Richard, please." "Dislikes." "Heights..." "Don't like heights." "Hate hights." "I don't know, the usual things I suppose." "Rats." "Blood." "All that." "Describe myself" "Normal" "Boring" "Good laugh." "Is that OK?" "Episode 1:" "Door" "Now, there's one rat that won't be telling any more tales" "Rat." "Tales." "Hello, Richard?" "The managing director needs to know when he'll have the report" "Can you get me 5 minutes, Silvia?" "It's almost wrapped up" "Thanks, Dick." "I'll come down for it."" "Mayshew" "Richard?" "It's Jessica." "Jess..." "Jessica, Richard, not Jess." "You have confirmed our reservation for tonight, haven't you?" "You haven't forgotten, have you?"" "Forgotten?" "No, I haven't forgotten." "Ma Maison at 7:30." "Should I meet you there?" "After what happened last time?" "Richard, you could get lost in your own backyard." "I'll meet you down at your place and we can walk down together." "Yes, Jess...." "Sorry!" "Jessica." "Good." "Richard Mayhew" "Oh, Dick..." "It's me, Gary" "Gary..." "Are we still on for drinks?" "Get off the bloody phone, Gary." "Of course we are." "Well, Mister Vandemar." "She's slowing up" "Slowing up, Mister Croup." "She must be losing a lot of blood, Mister V" "Lovely blood, Mister C. Lovely wet blood," "Not long now." "Dick!" "Dick, it's after 7." "It's what?" "She is gonna kill me." "I'll catch up with you later, Gary." "See you." "So our drink's off, then?" "Richard... what are you doing?" "Nothing, Jessica." "Good." "Now..." "Mister Stockton isn't just my boss, Richard" "He's also a Corporative entity in his own right." "So it's vital you make a good impresion tonight." "I can't wait." "What's is that?" "I can't wait!" "Can you spare some change?" "Richard." "We haven't got time." "Mister Stockton got a bit of a thing about puntuality." "Oh, Richard." "I do love you." "You do know that, don't you?" "The only reason I push you is because I want you to make the best of yourself." "Oh, bless my little black soul, Mister Vandemar, do you see what I see?"" "I spy, with my little eye, something that's going to be" "Dead in a minute, Mister Croup." "Bugger." "...and it's vital that you laugh at his jokes" "If you're in any doubt as to whether to laugh of nor..." " ...just take the cue from me." " Jessica." " Jessica!" " What?" "Look." "If you pay them any attention, Richard, they'll walk all over you." "They all have homes, really." "Now." "I've told Mister Stockton that we..." "Richard?" "What are you doing?" "She's hurt." "She's bleeding." "Richard." "We're going to be late." "She's hurt." "Richard." "Take me somewhere safe." "They'll find me." "Help me." "Look." "Call the emergency service, but don't give your name." "No, please." "Not a hospital." "You might have to make a statement or something, and I'm not having this evening ruined by..." "Richard Oliver Mayhew, you put that young person down and come back here this minute." "Or this engagement is at an end as of now." "I'm warning you." "Shit!" "The keys!" "Where are the keys?" "Couldn't be more properly." "Listen, I'm going to call a doctor." "Can you hear me?" "No, no..." "Please, no." "It's not as bad as it looks." "I just need sleep." "I'll be fine." "No doctors." "But your arm..." "Bad dream?" "Yes... sort of." "You're up then." "Whose barony is this?" "Whose fiefdom?" "Sorry?" "Where am I?" "Flat 3." "Newton Mansions..." "Little Comden Street..." "I'm in London Above." "Yes... you are in London." "I found you on the street last night, remember?" "There was..." "There was a lot of blood."" "Don't worry." "Most of the blood was someone else's." "What's your name?" "Richard..." "Richard Mayhew..." "Dick." "Richardrichardmayhewdick...." "Oh, Lord!" "That will be Jess." "She's going to kill me." "Right..." "You wait in here." "A good morrow to you, good sir, on this fine and beautiful day." "Ah." "Hello." "We are conducting a personal enquiry of a delicate nature as it were, door to door." "Do you mind if we come in?" "Well, it's not..." "It's not very convenient right now" "Are you with the police?" "Alas, we cannot claim that felicity." "A career in law and order, although indubitably enticing, was not inscribed on the cards" "Dame Fortuna dealt my brother and me." "No, we are merely private citizens." "Allow me to make introductions." "I am Mister Croup, and this gentleman is my brother, Mister Vandemar." "Your brother?" "Shouldn't you have the same name?" "What a brain, Mister Vandemar." "Keen and incisive isn't the half of it." "of us are so sharp... we could just cut ourselves." "What do you want?" "We are looking for our little sister..." "Dorine" "A wayward child, wilful and headstrong," "Who, even as we speak, is wondering the streets of London unlove and uncare for." "She has close to broken our poor dear widowed mother's heart." "Ran away." "She is a little... funny." "No..." "I haven't seen her." "Sorry." "What do you think you are doing?" "Stop it?" "Get out." "If you two don't get out I'm phoning the police." "Thought I needed to use the toilet..." "Didn't." "Sorry." "You will tell us if you see her." "Good-bye." "Spit." "Did you believe him?" "Do I Hell, I could smell her."" "Hello?" " This is Jessica." " Jessica" "You embarrassed me very deeply last night, Richard." "Hello?" "Jess?" "As far as I'm concerned our engagement is at an end." " Jess, I'm here." " I have no intention of returning the ring, nor indeed of ever seeing you again." " I trust you and your new flame will burn in hell." " Jessica!" "Good-bye" " Bad news?" " Yes!" "Very bad." "That's you, isn't it?" "The photograph's me." "And you are..." "Doreen?" "I'm Door, Richardrichard-mayhewdick" "Milk and sugar?" "Richard..." "Just Richard." "No sugar." "Look, if this isn't a personal question... what happened to you?" "You don't want to know." "Oh, well." "I'm sorry." "Richard." "Honestly, you don't want to know." "It wouldn't do you any good." "You've done more than you should have already." "Well." "I mean." "I couldn't just have left you there." "You could have..." "You didn't." "So where were you?" "Just now?" "I was here." "Look, those two are still around." "We need to get a message to... someone that can help." "But, I don't dare leave here." "Are they really your brothers?" "Please." "Give me a break." "Well, isn't there somewhere you could go?" "Someone that you could phone?" "My friends aren't on the phone." "Breadcrumbs." "Sorry?" "I don't see the point in this." "I mean, it's not a homing pigeon." "It's just a normal London pigeon, you know." "The kind that craps on Lord Nelson." "That's right." "Okay Crrppllrr, you're looking for the marquis de Carabas." "You got that?" "Attagirl." "Now, this is important, you'd mustn't..." "Oh, I'm sorry." "You know what you're doing, of course." "Do you know," " ...it almost sounded like it understood you?" " How about that." "So, what are we waiting for?" "A reply." "What kind of a reply?" "Listen, when those men came over..." " Croup and Vandemar" " Yeah" "They are not exactly men." "Jesus!" "Richard!" "It's all right, it's okay, it's just a rat." "Of course it was a rat." "You scared it, poor thing." "Hi!" "Are you okay." "I'm sorry, he's an idiot." "I'm not an idiot." "It's a rat." "Yes, it is." "Are you going to apologize?" "What?" "Apologize." "To a rat?" "I'm sorry, if I startled you." "No, he really does mean it." "He's not just saying it." "Right." "So what have you got for me?" "It's a message from de Carabas." "Just follow this directions." "Walk west of Oxford Street, turn left into Hanway Street left into Hanway Place then right again into Orme Lane." "Stop at the second streetlight you come to" "This is the one." "Then turn around thrice, widdershins." "Widdershins is anticlockwise, Richard." "Hello!" "Is anyone here?" "I'm Door's friend." "Mine, I believe." "De Carabas, at your service, and you are..." "You are Richard Mayhew, the young man who rescued our wounded Door." "How is she now?" "She's fine." "Her arm's still a bit..." "Her recovery time will undoubtedly astonish us all." "Her family had remarkable recuperative powers." "It's a wonder anyone managed to kill them at all, isn't it?" "Somebody killed Door's family?" "We're not going to get very far if you keep repeating everything I say, are we?" "Now then, sit down." "She knows I don't come cheap." "Why did she send for me?" "What's the deal." "She said that she wants you to accompany her home..." " wherever that is..." " Yes ...and she wants you to fix her up with a bodyguard." "And she's offering?" "Well." "Nothing." "She's offering me." "Nothing." "Well, she didn't say anything about money." "She just said she'll have to owe you a favour." "Exactly what kind of favour?" "A really big one." "She said she'll have to owe you a really big favour." "Did you leave her on her own?" " Yes..." "With Croup and Vandemar out there?" "Well, what are you waiting for?" "Come on." "I'll need to get her to the market." "The next one's in, mm, two days' time, if I recall correctly, as of course I unfailingly do." "I can hide her until then." "Market?" "The Floating Market." "But you don't want to know about that." " Why?" " No more questions." "There's a little something I need to organize first." "Insurance." "And when we get into daylight, don't look down." "Why not?" "Somebody, wasn't listening, was he?" "I..." "I can't move." "Of course you can move." "Or, if you don't you can stay here until your legs freeze and tumble to a rather messy death." "Bastard." "Old Bailey." "What a delightfully unexpected surprise running into you here." "You're not wanted here, de Carabas." "Get away." "You're looking wonderfully healthy." "And ain't that a new hubble or have you redecorated?" "Charming." "You all right, laddie?" "I've got some bird cooking' back there." "You want some?" "It's rook." "No thank you." "I don't recognize ye." "What barony do you give fealty to?" "What's your name?" "Shut up." "Don't say another word." "People who put their noses where they aren't wanted sometimes lose them." "Now." "You've owed me a favour for twenty years, Old Bailey." "A big favour." "And I'm calling it in." " I was a fool." " Yeah." "No fool like an old fool." "Do you know what this is?" "I wish I didn't." "Keep it safe for me." "I don't want it." "You don't have any choice." "Right." "We'd better get a move on, hadn't we?" "Can I ask a question?" "No." "You don't ask any questions." "You don't get any answers." "You don't stray from the path." "You don't even think about what's happening to you right now." "Got it." "Excuse me." "I know that this is a personal question." "but, are you clinically insane?" "That's very unlikely, why?" "Well." "One of us must have be." "Mind your head." "Not at her best." "Richard, you did it." "Well, yes." "My Lady." "Oh, do get up, de Carabas." "I'm pleased you came." "My pleasure, madam." "Your offer was quite acceptable." "Later." "Richard." "Thanks." "You're going?" "I'll be safe now." "More or less." "I hope." "Where are you going now?" "I'm out of your life." "And you've been wonderful." "Wait!" "What if I need to get in touch with you--?" "You don't." "Ever." "I'm sorry, okay?" "No." "Don't be sorry." "There's nothing to be sorry about." "It was... fun." "Taxi!" "Taxi!" "Taxi!" "Come on!" "Sorry I'm late." "You wouldn't believe what it was like getting here." "It was a nightmare." " Over there." " So weard." "What is going on?" "I'm sorry?" "The desk." "Where are they taking my desk." "Gary." "Gary." "What's going on?" "Is this some kind of joke or something?" "Gary, this is not funny." "I don't know what everyone's playing at." "If I've been fired then just tell me I've been fired, but all this pretending I'm not here..." "Hi." "I'm Gary Perunu." "Can I help you?" "No." "I don't think so." "Jess..." "Jessica." "Thank God." "I think I'm going mad or something." "Look, I'm really sorry about the other night." "but you wouldn't believe what's been happening to me." "I'm sorry." "You're going to think I'm absolutely awful," "I know we've met before but" "I have a really dreadful memory for faces." "Yes, Mrs. Simmons." "Tomorrow we'll get the lady into clearing the previous tenants accoutrements" "We can pick up the keys from my office then." "That's right." "Excuse me." "I live here." "This is not happening." "Hello?" "Mister Mayhew?" "Yes" "You can hear me." "Oh thank God." "Who is this?" "My partner and I met you on Saturday." "We were making enquiries as to the whereabouts of a certain young lady." "Do you remember?" "Oh, yes." "It's you." "Mister Mayhew." "You said that Door wasn't with you." "We have reason to believe that you were embroidering the truth more than perhaps a little." "Well, you said you were her brother." "All men are brothers, Mister Mayhew." "She's not here anymore." "And I don't know where she is." "We know that." "We are perfectly cognizant of both of those facts." "And to be magnificently frank, Mister Mayhew" "And you want me to be frank, don't you?" "Were I you, I would no longer worry about the young lady." "Her days are numbered, and the number in question isn't even in double digits." "Look." "Why are you calling me?" "Mister Mayhew, do you know what your own liver tastes like?" "I'm calling the police." "You can't threaten me like this." "Mister Mayhew." "You may call anyone you wish." "But I'd hate you to think we were making a threat." "Neither myself nor Mister Vandemar make threats, do we Mister Vandemar?" "Oh, No?" "Then... what the hell are you doing?" "We're making you a promise." "And we know where you live." "You knew." "Bastards." "You knew this would happen." "Oh, no!" "Can you spare any change?" "Here." "Keep it." "There's about fifteen hundred pounds in there, if you can get to it." "Oh, Well." "Thank you very much." "That and sixty pence'll get me a nice cup of coffee." "You can see me." "There's nothing wrong with my eyes" "Listen, have you ever heard of a place called 'The Floating Market'?" "I need to get there." "There's a girl called Door." "Look," "I really need help." "Please?" "Okay, I'm sorry I troubled you." "Hey," "Come on, down here," "Quickly." "So, why can you see me when no one else can." "Is not that they can't see you." "They see you but they don't look at you." "They don't notice you and by the time you turn the corner they've forgotten all about you." "Happened the same to me." "Where are you taking me." "Down." "Some people I think you ought to see." "What?" "What is it?" "What is this?" "Who've you brought us, Iliaster?" "Talk." "Talk." "TALK!" "He's from Upworld." "Asking questions about Floating Market." "...and Door." "I brought him to you, Lord Rat-speaker." "I figured you'd know what to do with him." "Oh yes." "Yes." "I know exactly what to do with him."