"Jesus." "No, yeah, Janice, no, no, no, no." "Er, no, it's not pornography, it's just a...description of her sex life." "No, no, it's not a dirty book." "It's just, you know..." "French." "(Guffaws)" "Oh, aye." "Oh, aye, I know your sort." "Aye. (Rab munches food)" "YoIanda?" "AII right, love?" "I'm Jean." "We spoke on the phone." "Oh, aye." "You're lovely." "But you want to look a wee bit more girly, hen." "No, I don't." "I know a good hairdressers in MaryhiII." "Dirt cheap." "She does homers." "And maybe a wee bit of electrolysis." "Um, thanks for agreeing to meet with me." "Um, I just have a few questions." "It's half to the agency, love." "They collect when he makes the booking." "So he pays you, so make sure you get your money first." "Oh, no, YoIanda, I'm sorry." "I thought I said on the phone." "I'm researching a book on contemporary relationships." " (Laughs) You don't need a book, darling." " Do you mind?" "See, I have this theory that all relationships are based on... what you do." "You've got a lovely wide face." "Kind of a brunette Debbie Harry." "You'II do very well." "And I just wanted to know, you know, um, how much being a..." " A sex worker?" " A sex worker." "How much, um, that was like, you know, being any woman in a relationship, because I think the issues are the same, really." "Er, power, control, role playing." "You're fine, dear." "Every girl's nervous." "The first time is a bit minging, but it's over soon enough." " I'm doing research." " (Laughs) Oh, aye." " How much can you get for a..." " Trick." " Trick." " If he's staying here, a hundred quid." "Net." "(clicks recorder off) You're kidding?" "He's waiting for you, love." "Nervous?" "please." "I want to be a really good boyfriend to you." "If you weren't here, the..." "the place would be so... ..so empty." "(Door opens)" "Princess." "Muffin." " I brought you a branch." " Great." "I thought I'd make your favourite tonight." "Remember?" "Homemade pumpkin tortellini." "Great." " (nervously) How's the book?" " This woman's really into group sex." "She's getting fucked by 1 3 guys in a park." "Hey, can we read it together?" " No." " OK." "How's everything at the pool?" "Uh...yeah." "Great." "You know, I might just, um, pop back for a bit." "I just..." "I just saw something." "I Iove you." "Me too." "(toilet flushing)" "So..." "Here we are." "would you Iike a drink out of the minibar, hen?" "Hen?" "What do I Iook like?" "A chicken?" "Yeah, it's a pure rip off, this minibar, you know." "You can get this next door in the pub for £2.50." "In here, they charge you £5." "There's a single malt." "I'II have two." "I usually bring a bottle in my bag." "Did anybody ever tell you you've got lovely..." "Let's talk money, Mr..." "Don't tell me..." "Mr Smith?" "Yeah." "The..." "Agency said 1 00 quid." "With me...200." "Is that because...you're American?" "Yeah." "I was just wanting a quickie, darling." "200 smackeroonies." " To help me sleep." " Right." "Let's talk about what's really going on here, Mr Smith." "OK, hen." "I'm not your hen." "I'm not your hooker." "I'm not your piece of head cheese, pal." "I'm a human being." "Why is that so hard for you to understand?" "Mmm, yeah." "Can I see your tits?" "Here they are." "Big fucking deal, mister." "What if I had 'em sliced open and stuffed with saline packets?" "would that make you harder?" "Uh, yeah, no." "When are you gonna stop lying to yourself, Smithy?" " You don't wanna fuck me." " No, I don't." " You wanna escape the nightmare of being you." " That's me." "I know it's lonely." "You have some highIy-paid crap job where you stay in these overpriced, impersonal shithoIes and you don't wanna think about that." "You don't wanna think about how old you're getting." " Oh, I'm gonna get old." " Or about how wasted your life has been." "And you don't wanna think about how soon you're gonna die!" "I'm gonnae die." "(He sighs with relief)" "Face it, Smithy." "Sooner or later, we all sleep alone." "Can I see you again?" "Sure." " Kenny's writing another book." " Very good." "That's what we like to hear." " This one's about me." " really?" "How exciting for you, darling." "You're a muse." " well, hang on, it's fiction." " I was miles' muse when he was writing." "And my tits hadn't dropped." " Yes, Iet's have no more of that, alicia." " I'm called Morag and I Iive in the highlands." " Oh, God..." " It's Ayrshire, actually..." "Is this one sexy, Iike the Iast one?" " God, yes." "MILES:" "really?" "It's all made up." "It's just that she looks a wee bit like..." "You should get a photograph done of Hatty for the cover." " It's not written." " That's nepotistic." " Nepo what?" " In the nude." "In a field somewhere." "With your hair in the wind." "You have such lovely hair." " I know a brilliant photographer in Dumfries..." " I've got to proofread something for tomorrow." "Hatty, where have you parked the car?" "You'II have to go with Mummy." "Kenny and I...are living together." " We're going back to glasgow tonight." " Hatty..." "congratulations." "Does this mean, you'II have the..." "the Audi...all the time?" " I have the Saab." " But it's my Audi." " I need my independence." " So do I, Daddy." "Come on, Kenny..." "We're going home." "Thanks for dinner." " What are you playing at?" " What?" " What was that all about?" " What?" "Us living together." "Since when?" "WouIdn't it be wonderful, Kenny?" "You could write and I couId cook for you." "I'm a brilliant cook." " Are you?" " Yeah." "Do you cook as good as you shag?" "Try me." "ALICIA:" "darling..." "You forgot your pashmina." "Oh, thanks, alicia." "This is a very important night for you." "Come on." "This is really nice, Dirka." "Did you cook this yourself?" "Are you kidding?" "No, we have a really nice, very expensive deIicatessen down in MiIngavie." " Dirka buys all our dinners there." " It's very good." "So, we have something to propose." " Fist..." " It's all right, Bart." "Dirka, did you read that book for book group?" "Yeah, what a slapper that woman was." "I thought she was a great...adventurer." "Fist is very affected by what she reads." "Oh, Dirka is also very fond of the books." "Anyway, since you're going back to Sweden, and since we are all such good friends," "Bart and I would Iike to do partner-swapping sex with you and Lars." "I think this is nuts." "Dirka is five months pregnant, Bart." "So?" "You fuck me." "Why can't somebody else?" "Who wants to start?" "Who's gonna go with whom?" "well, Lars, I guess you could come and kiss me." "well, maybe I couId go with Bart." "Uh, no." "No, that's a fag thing and that's not for me, Lars." "OK." "I see." "May I then ask, that if we are going to continue, that, Bart, you please don't mention this to anybody on the team." "You have my word." "I always knew you were gay." "We are experimenting, no?" "Bart, you're so conventional." "So, right, OK, I'm going to go with Dirka." "Yes, and I go with you, Lars." "OK." "Um, shall we start?" "Ooh!" "INSTALLATION:" "Water." "LACHLAN:" "So, why is the pool empty, and the room is not empty?" " Yes." " What's in the room that's not in the pool?" " The pool is full." " Yeah." " Oh, yeah, you get it." " That pool is so full, I can't believe it." " Yeah." " It's great, LachIan." "Not sure I understand it, but you've done a great job." "Oh, I so appreciate that, Kenny." "Cheers." " Hi, Kenny." "KENNY:" "claire." "Hi." " This is my friend Harriet." " You're Harriet?" "You're claire." "You started the book group." " Yeah." " I'd love to come along sometime." "Are you... going out with Kenny?" "Yeah." " We live together." " You're kidding?" " How old are you?" " claire." " Whoa." " That's just...weird." "claire, Iet's meet some people." " Sorry, Harriet." " It's all right." "older women are always jealous of me." "Don't talk to anyone, yeah?" "Small puddle." "Rain." "Hail." "Snow." "Hot snow is cold water." "JEAN:" "Hi." "Am I late?" " Jean, what did you do to your hair?" " I had a wee homer." "(Pager beeps)" "You have a pager?" "It's an essential research tool." "I have to respect the privacy of my contacts." "So, uh, how's the book going?" "It's going really well." "I've almost finished my first draft." "You're kidding?" "discipline, claire." "You've gotta focus on your work." "relationships are not good for that." " Yeah, don't I know it." " She looks like she's 1 2." "JEAN:" "Now, why would he be attracted to a 1 2-year-oId?" " Is it a power thing...?" " Just..." "leave it, Jean." "Mind your own business." "You have always been so threatened by me, claire." "Now I'm doing really well, a publisher's interested in my book..." " They are?" " And you can't even congratulate me." "Sorry, Jean." "Hooray for you." " How great to be you." "Hooray." " Thanks." "What is this supposed to be, anyway?" " God knows." "It's art, right?" " Yeah." "What do you see in him, claire?" "DIVER:" "Look at the time." "CLAIRE:" "He's a good guy." " There is no tea break in an art work." " We're in love." "INSTALLATION:" "Deep water." "Hooray for you." " hello, Dirka." " hello, Fist." " I thought you wouldn't come." " Why wouldn't I come?" "It's my last book group." "Why shouldn't I come?" "Fine." "CLAIRE:" "Hi, Dirka." " Hey, Dirka." "AII right, Dirka." " I made you a Swedish cake, Dirka." " Thank you, Janice." "JANICE:" "We're going to miss you so much." "Do you expect me to eat all of it?" "Were you all waiting to watch me eat it?" "No, darling, it's for all of us." "We can eat Sweden together." "Hey, has anyone seen Jean?" "A woman needn't let herself go because she's pregnant." "She still cares about what she looks like." "You're looking lovelier than ever, Dirka." "You're blooming." " Yeah..." " Oh, shut it, you anorexic bitch." "Better get stuck into Sweden, eh?" " slice along the coastline, would you?" " Aye." "Kenny has another girlfriend." "This one's called Harriet." "She walks." "hello, Harriet." "I think your bump is beautiful." "You look like a koala bear." " Thank you." " (DoorbeII rings)" "(claire clears her throat)" "(clears her throat)" " Nice jacket." " Hi." "Sorry I'm late." "Jean, you look great." " So, are we talking about the book?" "CLAIRE:" "I'II start." "I thought it was...very depressing." "I mean, I just didn't think I couId read about another bIow-job." " What's wrong with bIow-jobs?" " Ha!" "CLAIRE:" "I mean, all the sex in it." "She claimed to be exploring her desires, but it was just so sad." "Oh, come on." "She just didn't think it was that big a deal." "She liked fucking, for God's sake." "She's kind of straight, Jean." "We need to talk about sex if we're talking about this book." "DIRKA AND FIST:" "No, we don't." " There is too much talking about sex." " Way too much." " What's wrong with oral sex?" " Isn't it your bedtime?" "I think it's a remarkably honest book." "Why shouldn't she fuck whomever she wants to fuck?" " She walks, she talks." " claire." " What?" " Watch yourself." "I liked it when she was in that park, and there was all the lorry drivers, right, firing into her like that." "And then the polls turn up, right, and she's banging away like that, and the polls are there, and she's looking... and she doesnae know if the polls are gonna join in or no." "I, um..." "I agree with Harriet." "I thought it was refreshingly frank." "It's interesting to hear what you have to say about fidelity, LachIan." "Thank you, Jean." "I thought it was a turn-on." "Janice, I thought you said it was a dirty book." "Why shouldn't I Iike...dirty books?" " Yeah..." " Why shouldn't a woman take pleasure... where she can find it?" "KENNY:" "Aye." "That's the spirit, Janice." "I'm learning all kinds of things...from what I read." " Oh, my God, she wants us to do group." " Guys, maybe we should make it an early night." "I just got here." "I mean, we haven't even touched LapIand." "This is my last book group." " I won't hug anyone because that would be..." " That would be too much." " We'II miss you, Dirka." " Yes." "But each in our own way." "In the privacy of our own home." "I have learned so much from all of you." "And from our discussions." "You're all such smart people who know a Iot and... ..I wish there were people like you in Göteborg." " Don't people read in Sweden?" " Not in Göteborg." "Oh, hey." "LACHLAN:" "Oh, sister." " There is so much love in this room." " No, there isn't." "Er...bye, everyone." "And come and see me in Göteborg." "There's a very high suicide rate in Sweden." " We'II see you next Saturday." " OK, thanks, Mrs McCann." "The house is so quiet when Jackie's away." "Ach, is that the time?" "Straight to bed for me." "Gotta be up bright and early the morrow." "JANICE:" "No time for a little... hot cocoa?" "Not for me the now, but, hey, don't let me stop you." "Hi, miles." "Can we get two more?" "You." "How'd you find me?" "I never drink in here." "Are you following me?" "Edinburgh's a small town, miles, for a girl from Cincinnati." "Ed-in-burr-a." "would you stop massacring the Scottish language!" "To each his own, miles." "I say tomay-do, you say tomah-to, but you're wrong cos it's tomay-do." "Listen, I brought something for you." "Your book." "Yep." "I finished my first draft." "Your fucking masterpiece." "(chuckles)" "Your book about relationships." "Have I touched a nerve, miles?" "She left me." "She moved in with him." " She did?" " She took my car." "I'm sorry." " Was it a nice car?" " It was an Audi!" "Oh, wow." "What an emotionally devastating time this must be for you." " He's one of my writers." " Ah." "male writers." "The worst." "I've heard all male writers fuck their publisher's wives." " miles, you've gotta publish more women." " It's not my wife, it's my daughter." "Oh..." "Are you a little weird, miles?" " She's everything." " Listen, this is just what my book is about." "Let go." "I can't." "I've known this was coming." "When she was 1 2, she went to pony camp..." "..for two weeks." "They were the longest two weeks of my Iife." "And I thought... ..someday, Hatty will go to pony camp..." "..and she won't come back." "(Sobs)" "miles, listen." "I know this is painful, but we all have an idealised other upon whom we project unfulfilled wishes for ourselves." "And that person always goes to pony camp." "But it's all an illusion." "What you need to work on...is miles." "When you wake up in the morning, miles will still be there." "miles isn't going anywhere." "miles is your life partner." "Learn to love him, miles." "The rest is bullshit." "I'II be done in a minute." "That's OK." "Take your time." "I Iike a man with... ..clean teeth." "Janice... ..you're giving me a stiffy the noo." "Oh, no, no, I cannae do this, Janice." "I mean, you... you're... you're a married woman." "I cannot shag Jackie's wife." "I mean, what kind of a ned would do that, eh?" "I can't help it, Rab." "I can't help the way I feel for you." " Take me." " Take you where?" "To heaven and back." "Oh, here we go." "It's just a basic bodily function, right?" "It's only important when you're not doing it." "It's like eating, or pooing." "I mean, people have been having sex for millions of years." "Who cares?" "Why get so tense and anxious and obsessed and screwed up just because of sex?" "How crazy is that?" "shall we fuck like crazy people?" "No." "LARS:" "Fist, please, don't do this to me." "I just want to come in and let..." "let you give me a little kiss." "I can't hear you." "(Speaks Swedish and cries)" "(Speaks Swedish)" "Fist!" "Somewhere" "It's written in a book that I've read" "Sometimes" "It's written just the way that you said" "The book I read"