"(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "(♪ I'll Never Fall In Love Again:" "lba)" "ROSIE:" "Take a deep breath and start at the beginning." "Tell them how we first met." " Hi." " Hi." "FEMALE TEACHER:" "Alex Stewart?" "ROSIE:" "Tell them that ever since we shared our dreams..." " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "ALEX:" "I had a dream last night." "...even Alex's weirdest ones." "You know a rowing boat?" "That little curvy bit the oar sits in?" " It's called a rollock, by the way." " A what?" "Rollock, like "bollock" with an "R."" "That was me." "I was that thing." "No." "Keep that as our secret." "Rosie?" "Rosie, it's time." "Tell them that this is, that this has to be... (CLEARS THROAT) Everybody!" "...one of the happiest days of my life." "Please!" "For those I haven't had the chance to say hi to properly," "I'm Rosie." "(CHUCKLES)" "And this has got to be one of the happiest days of my life." " (SOBBING) - (BELL TOLLING)" "(♪ Crazy In Love:" "Beyoncé)" "(ROSIE SCREAMING)" "Shots!" "ALEX:" "Yeah!" "Beyoncé!" "Yeah!" "(LAUGHING)" "ROSIE:" "Whoa!" "(GRUNTS)" "(GROANS)" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "GARY:" "Hi, Alex." "ALEX:" "How's it going, mate?" " GARY:" "All right." " (DOOR CLOSES)" "GARY:" "It's Alex!" "It was totally my fault, the whole thing." "Oh, I'd love to believe you, Alex, I really would." "I just happen to know my own daughter." "A fine doctor you're gonna make if this is how you carry on." "Why is everybody shouting?" "(GROANS)" "I'm so embarrassed about last night." "No, no, you don't have to be." "Ugh, I behaved so badly!" "(GROANING DRAMATICALLY)" "Yeah, but bad can be good, too." "Good?" "It was awful." "Oh, I feel sick even thinking about it." "About which part?" "All of it." "It never happened." "Alex, OK?" "You can't tell anyone!" " Right." " (DOOR OPENS)" "♪ Rosie had her stomach pumped!" " ♪ Rosie had her stomach pumped!" " Piss off!" " (GROANS)" " Go, go. go!" "How did we get home from the hospital?" "Uh, Mum picked us up." "They needed a parent's name, so, I obviously didn't want to give yours." "And she thinks it's my fault anyway," "I'm a terrible influence." "Blah, blah, blah." "Oh, well, you are." "So, now, I have to spend two hours in the library every day for a fortnight." " Nightmare." " Well, it could be worse." "Bethany Williams has just got a part-time job there." "Yeah, right." "What?" " Bethany Williams?" " Mmm." "Forget it, even I want to sleep with her." "For your information, she has been giving me the eye." "She's probably just wondering why you haven't squeezed that zit on your forehead." " Fuck off!" " No." "Come here." "I can do it for you." "Don't touch me!" "Don't you dare!" "(SQUEALING)" "(SQUEALING)" "(LAUGHING)" "Ow!" "ALEX:" "Just look at Greg right now." "What a bimbo." "Seriously hot, though." "He invited me to the school dance." "(SCOFFS)" "Uh, what did you say?" "No, obviously." "I'm going with you." "(CHUCKLES)" "BETHANY:" "Hey, Alex." "I missed you in the library today." "(STAMMERING)" "Yeah, uh, I had nothing..." "Uh, I mean, yeah." "I was a bit..." "A bit of busy..." "Don't be a stranger." "(CHUCKLES) Yeah." "Yeah, absolutely not." "I'll see you there." " Hey, girls!" " GIRL:" "What did he say to you?" "Pathetic." "She's mine for the taking." "You're lucky she didn't trip over your tongue dragging halfway across the ground." "Whoa." "OK." "All right." "Well, give me some tips then, if you are so clever." "How do I go about seducing a woman who is apparently out of my league?" " Is that a serious question?" " Yeah, absolutely." "Mmm, well, you're at a disadvantage being a, you know, (WHISPERING) virgin." "(LAUGHING) No, no, no, all right?" "We can work with that." "First you have to be cool." "Ignore her." "Act like you could take it or leave it." " You see, that I've had practice at." " Hmm." "Uh, second, you have to make her feel like you've seen something in her no one else has." "Like her soul." "While also ignoring her?" "Yes." "(CHUCKLES) OK, and what happened to the sex?" "This is about the sex!" "God!" "You're so fucked up." "Mmm." "You have no idea." "(BOTH CHUCKLING)" "She wants me to take her to the dance." "Really?" "Yeah, imagine." "(GIRLS LAUGHING)" "Take her, if it means that much to you." "Come on." "You'd have no one to go with." "Uh..." "I got asked by the fittest guy in our year, Alex." "I think I'm fine." "What, so actually this is quite convenient for you." "Yeah." "All right." "Well, yeah, I'll go ask her then." "Go for it." "OK." "Fine, I will." " Bethany?" "Bethany, hi." " BETHANY:" "Hey." "Yeah!" "(WHISTLES)" "(KEYBOARD CLACKING)" "(ROSIE READING)" "(CLICKS)" "Come on." "(ALEX READING)" "ROSIE:" "Me, too." "I need to concentrate so I can pass my exams and get a life." "(LAUGHING)" "(CHIMING)" "(SIGHS)" "(KEYBOARD CLACKING)" "Not Bethany!" "Fuck!" "Right, Rosie Dunne, get yourself down to the headmaster's office." "No, no, no, it was my fault, Mr. Simpson." "(STUTTERING) I had something I needed to tell her." "So I see, Alex." "Congratulations." "(APPLAUSE)" " BOY:" "Yes, Alex!" " (STUDENTS LAUGHING)" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "I know we're not officially talking, but I need help with my tie." "For a minute there, I thought you might be in love with me or something." "Alex, you will forever be the boy who wiped bogeys on my favourite party dress, OK?" " (CHUCKLES)" " Don't flatter yourself." "Good." "I know boy-girl friendships can be quite complicated sometimes, but you know I'm always here if you need to talk." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "What do you think?" "Boobs au naturel or pushed up?" "In?" "Or out?" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Well, uh, I mean, it depends." "(STUTTERING) Is it for dancing, or is it, um..." "Hmm." "Who knows?" "ALEX:" "So, where is this tool meant to be meeting you?" "ROSIE:" "You're so rude!" "Um, I think at the front." "Uh, yes..." "Hey, gorgeous." "Oh." "(ROSIE CHUCKLES)" "See ya!" "(LAUGHING)" "Wanker." "(♪ Hip-hop on stereo)" "OK." "Fuck!" "(BLOWS)" "Oh, just... (EXHALES)" " You have done this before?" " Yeah." "Haven't you?" "It's like brushing my teeth." "(SNAPS)" "Ahhh!" "Bollocks!" "(EXHALES)" " That's..." "Look, let me help you..." " No, leave it!" "OK, I've got it." "Fuck!" "Ouch." "OK, quick!" "Quick, OK." "Here we go!" "OK, quick!" "(GRUNTING)" " Sweet Jesus!" " (GROANS)" "(GROANING)" "(PANTING)" "Oh." "(LAUGHING)" "Wow." "I know." "I know." "(EXHALES)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Mmm." "OK." " Where is it?" " What?" " The thing." " I don't know." "Seriously, Greg, where is it?" "You had it!" "Look, it can't have just disappeared!" "Oh, God!" "Oh, shit!" "(♪ Pop music on stereo)" "GREG:" "Rosie?" "Have you found it?" " Do you want me to have a look for you?" "(GROANS)" " Really?" " Yeah, go on all fours." " Bugger off!" " (LAUGHING)" " (♪ Dance music on stereo) - (GIRL LAUGHING)" " ALEX ON PHONE:" "Rosie!" " Alex!" "Thank God!" "Where are you?" "I'm on my way out!" " No, wait, you've got to help me, - (ELEVATOR DINGS) there's been an accident!" "Christ, what?" "No, no, no, sorry, no, that's what I meant." "Everything's fine." "Jesus, you scared me!" "I mean, there was an accident, um, with the thingy with Greg, you know?" " Well, that happens, Rosie!" " No, no, Alex." "Something that I need to figure out right now, Alex." "I need to get rid of it." "It got lost and I can't find it and I don't know what to do." "You're not making any sense, Rosie!" "Can we just talk about this later?" "ROSIE:" "No, Alex, please!" "OK, you need to be really clear and really precise!" "OK!" "The condom came off inside my vagina and at present I'm unable to locate it!" "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "That's way more information than I needed." "Hi." "I'm Dick." "Of course you are." "OK." "Is it, um, front bottom or back?" "What do you think I am?" "Sorry." "I wasn't suggesting you're a slag or anything." "(CRANKING)" "Isn't there a female nurse?" "I'm afraid I'm all you've got." "Huh." "(ROSIE GROANS)" "That was one of the most embarrassing" "Moments of my entire pathetic existence." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Oh." " Oh." " (CHUCKLES)" "You know what?" "Let's get out of here." "Dino's should still be open." "I was thinking more Boston, Massachusetts." "Oh, you think I should flee the country?" "I'm serious." "This place is a dead end, we've been saying it for years." "And, uh, my dad wants me to try for a scholarship at Harvard." "You are serious." "It's one of the best medical schools in the world." "And Boston College happens to have a really great hotel management course." "(CHUCKLES)" "That is what you want to do, isn't it?" "You can't!" "I mean, who'll do your washing?" "You'll never eat!" "It's ridiculous!" "They have food in America, Mum, and I'm guessing washing machines." "ALICE:" "It's so far away!" "I mean, talk to her, Dennis!" "It works for me." "I mean, this is as far as I got." "I know, but Mum's just being Mum." "It would be so much fun, and it would be..." "ROSIE:" "Did you ever want more, Dad?" "Do you know what your Gran's favourite phrase was?" ""Not for the likes of us."" "When you told us of your plan, it was the first thing that popped into my head." "I could hear her voice in the room saying it." "I don't want that voice in your head, ever." "Here, let me." "I want my own hotel one day." "Is it crazy to think like that?" "(CHUCKLES)" "I've been winging it with you for 18 years, pretending I was the one in charge." "You're amazing, Rosie." "There's nothing you can't do, if you put your mind to it." "But if I go to Boston, Mum will never speak to me again." "Well, if you don't go, I won't." "The choice is yours." "Dennis!" "And do me a favour." "Come back and take that prick's job." "(CHUCKLES)" "Good evening!" ""Dear Miss Dunne, congratulations!" ""We are pleased to offer you a seat at Boston University!"" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "No way!" "Oh, my God!" "(PANTING)" "Oh, hey, Clare, is Alex in?" "He's tied up." "I can come back." "He'll be down in about three minutes?" "Cup of tea?" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "(EXHALES)" "BETHANY:" "Baby!" "Oh, baby!" "(MOANING) Oh, yeah." "Yeah, baby, show me, come on, baby!" "(MOANING) Yeah, yeah..." "Oh, my God, is..." " Is that?" " Bethany." "So, when you said he was..." " Tied up." " You actually meant..." "Tied up." " Um, I should go." " Any second now." "(MOANING CONTINUES)" " BETHANY:" "Oh, Alex." " "Oh, Alex." " Where did you learn - "Where did you learn" " to do that?" " "to do that?"" " (SCREAMING) - (GAGS)" "(RETCHES)" "(COUGHING)" "I know." "It's so gross." "(DOOR OPENS)" "(♪ Rock music on stereo)" "Hello?" "(GLASS SHATTERING)" "WOMAN:" "Fuck!" "I'm coming!" "Are you supposed to smoke in here?" "My parents own the place." "They want me to help out?" "I'll set the terms." "What's up?" "Oh, right." "Um, I've been feeling sick like, every day." "Maybe you could just give me a pill or something..." " Any diarrhoea?" " No." " Fever?" " No." " Stomach cramps?" " No." "Well, have you missed a period?" "Yeah." " Uh, no." " Virgin?" "No, but I took the morning-after pill!" "90% safe. 10% is the catch." "There's a loo here if you want to use it." "(TOILET FLUSHING)" "ROSIE:" "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" "Bollocks." "(ROSIE READING)" "(CHIMING)" "ALEX:" "I'd love to, but Bethany's parents are taking us out to dinner at the Hazel." "How posh is that?" "(KEYBOARD CLACKING)" "(EXHALES)" "(SHUDDERED BREATHING)" "(SOBBING)" "OK." "I'm sorry." "Um, I..." "I..." "I've got news." " Me, too." " Read it." "Scholarship to Harvard!" "Alex, that's so great." "Congratulations." "It's unbelievable, right?" "Have you heard back from Boston College, yet?" "No." "(EXHALES)" "Yeah, you'll get in." "Yeah, what about Bethany?" "Have you told her?" "She'll be fine." "She's got this..." "Oh, God, she's got this thing about my hair." " Yeah." " But she literally yanks it." "And she pulls this funny face during sex like this..." " Enough." "Enough..." " I think she likes it." "Don't you care what she's gonna think about you rushing off like this?" "All right, what is it?" "What?" "Well, you're defending Bethany." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Nothing's wrong." "I thought you'd be happier." "(CHUCKLES)" "We're on our way to Boston!" "Come on!" "Hey?" "It's great." "It's great, really." "Well done." "What, come on, you're coming, too!" "My flight's in three days, which gives me time to get settled in before term starts." "You need to go ahead and book your ticket." "Sure." "I have got some stuff to sort first, but I'll be there." "(AEROPLANE PASSING OVERHEAD)" " Don't get blown up by terrorists." " OK." "Or lose cabin pressure and fall out of the sky." " Rosie, wait, wait, wait..." " Or fly into a flock of birds." "I mean it!" "I can delay, if you need me to." "No." "You're getting on that plane." "I've got you something." "Close your eyes." "Close your eyes." "Give me your finger." "OK." "Keep it there." "North America." "(CHUCKLES)" "Keep in touch, OK?" "OK." "See you in two weeks, so..." "Boston." "This way?" "ROSIE:" "If I'd told him, he'd never have left and his whole life would have been ruined, too." "I mean, what's the point?" "(SCOFFS) How noble." "I'd have forced the bastard to stay." "Oh, no, no." "He's not the dad." "That's just some other loser." "(SCOFFS) You are turning out to be a lot more interesting than you look." "Why don't you just get rid of the thing?" "My parents are Catholic." "I don't believe in all that, but I can't!" "Oh, I had it all sussed!" "Move to Boston, study, get a great job, at 27, come back and open a hotel." "Then get married and have kids." "Wow." "A whole life in bullet points." "Yeah, well now, it's pregnant, have sprog, full-time mother, wave goodbye to career, live off benefits, grow fat, lose hair." "Yeah." "You might as well just kill yourself now." " I can sort the drugs." " (SCOFFS)" "Look." "There's loads of people out there that want a kid that can't have one." "Give it away." "I could still move to Boston." "(CHUCKLES)" "I can apply to college again, or get a job." "I don't care." "So it would all be the same, just six months later." "I don't even need to tell Alex," "I could just think of an excuse." "Whoa." "That's major denial, babe." "Yeah." "I just happen to think it's the way to go." "(MOBILE BEEPING)" " ALICE:" "Who's that?" " Alex." "ALICE:" "Have you told him yet?" "I'm sending him my arrival time in Boston." "That's all he needs to know." "Oh." "All this fibbing is gonna catch up with you, girl." "(MONSTER GROWLING ON TV)" "Whoa!" "The way that thing burst out of her." " That might happen to you!" " It might." "Her whole belly will erupt." "Blood and guts." "And this freakish alien will leap out and bite your head off!" " (GROWLING)" " ALICE:" "Stop it, the pair of you!" "Pregnancy is a sacred thing!" " It can't hear us." " Yes, it can!" "And don't refer to it as "it."" "It's a girl if you must know." "You found out?" "I asked at the last scan." "I thought I should tell the social worker so he can start his plans." "A girl!" "What about names?" "No, um, I'll let the new parents decide." " Give us a peek." " ALICE:" "Hey!" "A woman's body doesn't become public property just because she is pregnant." "Be my guest." "ALICE:" "Look at that!" "Oh, my God!" "ALICE:" "She's got hiccups!" "(GASPS)" "Little thing's got hiccups!" "Oh, bless!" "Whatever." "(GRUNTING)" "(GROWLING ON TV)" "(WHISPERING) Baby, can you hear me?" "Try holding your breath like this." "(BREATHES DEEPLY)" "There you are, Katie girl!" "That's probably not going to be your name, OK?" "(SCREAMING)" "It's coming!" "Towels!" "Hot water!" " Where's the midwife?" " ALICE:" "I don't know!" "Come in now!" "Come on!" " Come on!" " Midwife's here!" "Let's go!" "As quick as you like!" "She's just right down the hallway." "(SCREAMING CONTINUES)" "ALICE:" "All right, OK, breathe, breathe!" "Get out!" " (SCREAMING) - (WHIMPERING)" "MIDWIFE:" "Breathe, breathe, everything is going to be all right!" " Being a girl sucks!" " Yeah." "ALICE: (GASPS) Oh." "Hello." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "(GASPS)" "DENNIS:" "That'll be the social worker." "MIDWIFE:" "Would you like to hold her?" "Or should I bring her straight downstairs?" "(BABY HICCUPPING)" "(BABY GURGLING)" "Katie." "Sweet little Katie." " (HICCUPS) - (GASPS)" "(CHUCKLES)" "(HICCUPS)" "(LAUGHING)" "I promise, Katie," "I'm going to be a good mummy." "(CHUCKLES)" "(KATIE CRYING)" "Katie." "Katie." "Shh... (CONTINUES CRYING)" "It's gonna be OK." "Please." "Katie, it's gonna be OK!" "Shh..." "My life's over, Dad!" "Wait 'til you become a grandparent." "Katie, Katie." "Shh." "Shh." "You know, I still remember the drive back from the hospital when you were born." "You screamed blue murder, the whole bloody journey." "I was so scared, I jumped three red lights." "Lost my license." "You never told me that before." "You weren't part of the club." "(SPITTING UP)" " Ugh." " (BOTH LAUGHING)" "ROSIE:" "In battle to preserve sanity, must remember following rules." "Number one, never breast feed in a public place." " (GROANS) - (GASPS)" "Two, never bounce Katie on knee after feeding." "Ugh." "(CRYING)" "Three, try not to cry when she cries." "And four, the most important of all, never assume trouble isn't around the next comer." "BETHANY:" "Laters, girls." "WOMAN:" "Bye." "(PANTING)" "(WHIMPERING)" "(GROANING)" " Rosie?" " Oh, no." "Tragic." "Are you OK?" "(GRUNTS)" "Tell me that's not yours!" "No!" "(SCOFFS)" "What, you're a nanny now?" "Yeah!" "You know, at least it's good money." "Uh, I thought you were going to Boston with Alex." "Oh, no, no, no," "I realised children are the only education you need." "(CHUCKLES) So, who's the dad?" " Ah!" " Oh!" "Get it off!" "Get it off!" "(SCREAMING)" "I've got to go!" "Bye, then!" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Alex." "What are you doing here?" "Just back for the weekend." "Thought I'd surprise you." "Great!" "Uh, yeah." "Let's go for a coffee then." "Ah!" "No, no." "Let's stay here." "Why don't you put the kettle on?" "(DOOR CLOSES)" "ALEX:" "So, what have you been up to?" "Oh, just this and that, you know?" "Nice haircut by the way." "Yeah, thanks." "You OK?" "You seem stressed." "No!" "No!" "Uh, so, how's medicine?" "ALEX:" "Fascinating." "Yeah." "We've just been doing obstetrics, in fact." " Really?" " Mm-hmm." "So much to learn." "How do you find these breast pumps, by the way?" "Some women don't like them." "Oh, total nightmare." "Oh, God." "How did you..." "Bethany." "Fast work." "I was gonna tell you, Alex, I promise." "When?" "I didn't want to hold you back." "ROSIE:" "She's had colic for months." "My whole life is feeding, winding and nappies." "All I can think about is poo." "How much, when, what colour." "I hope you mean hers." "(CHUCKLES)" "What happened to Greg?" "He miraculously got a job in Ibiza the minute he heard." "Can I be godfather?" "I'd love nothing more." "I think not telling you was a way to keep the dream alive, you know?" "So there was at least someone out there who still saw me as Rosie." "And not this strange, new person I've become." "(CAR ENGINE STARTS)" "(♪ Pop music on stereo)" "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "So, the last time I looked that depressed," "I tried to hang myself with my favourite tie." "Hi, I'm Phil." "Alex." "I've been sent to play fairy godmother." " You don't look the part, mate." " (CHUCKLES)" "My sister's been driving me crazy." "She wants to know, would you buy her a drink?" "Which one is she?" " The hot girl from class?" " Sally." "The bright sunflower in the family window box." " Hey!" " Hey!" "Everybody has been wondering why the cute British guy looks so sad." "(CHUCKLES)" "Sorry." "It's time to realise you're here with us." "And that we might be fun to be with." "ALEX:" "Katie!" "It's your first Christmas!" "I hope you got my present!" "ROSIE:" "Thanks for the book, Alex." "I know she'll love it one day." "What is it?" "This is my new apartment." "ALEX:" "What's this you're doing here, darling?" "Um, handmade hearts." "And here, we have my favourite Back to the Future poster." "It would look so special in the bathroom." "Walk to Mummy." "Come to me." "Good girl!" "(CHEERING)" "Katie, darling, it's your fourth Christmas." "BOTH: ♪ Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la" "SALLY:" "Did, uh, Mummy get my Christmas card?" "(BOTH SCOFFING)" "Really?" "ROSIE:" "Thanks for Katie's present." "She wants me to tell you she can cycle and count to five." "...three, four, five!" "Me, I've got a job and finally moved out of Mum and Dad's." "RUBY:" "Miss Dunne!" "Welcome back to the hotel!" "I believe it's the penthouse suite for you?" "That's right, thanks." "(VACUUM WHIRRING)" "(HUFFS)" "(GRUNTS)" " Mummy, Mummy!" " (GASPS)" "It's the first day of school!" "ROSIE:" "Um..." "I heard some beds were being stolen recently." "Isn't that strange?" "Yes, Mummy." "This way, no one can come in and steal ours." "Mm-hmm." "Are you my daddy?" "No!" "No, he's just a nice man that's helping Mummy out a bit, that's all." "(GRUNTS)" " Damn!" " What?" "It's the wrong key!" " Ow!" " Oh!" " My head!" " Come on, whinger!" "Over there!" "Over there!" "Come on, keep going." "Quick, quick, Mummy!" "Excuse me." "Oh!" "Love you." "Love you, too." "You dreamt you were an inanimate object?" "Yeah, I mean, come on." "An arrow flying through the air!" "That's pretty cool." "I don't understand." "How can you be a thing?" "I don't know." "I've always had dreams like that." "It sounds to me like self-esteem issues, sweetie." "You may need to talk to someone." "You know, there are razor hairs in the bathroom, again today." "Really?" "You know it gives me allergies." "Next time you have one of your weird dreams, maybe you should dream you're something useful like a vacuum cleaner." "We have a cleaning lady." "What do you want?" "For her to think we're a pair of fuck-ups?" "That's exactly what we are." "(SIGHS)" "ROSIE:" "Whoo!" "(LAUGHING)" " You OK?" " I've got sand in my eyes." " (BLOWS) - (COUGHS)" "Look at Mummy!" "(MOBILE BEEPING)" "(WHOOPS)" "ALEX:" "I dreamt I was an arrow." "(ALEX READING)" "(MESSAGE CHIMING)" "What have you told the poor brat?" "That you're coming home with a dad?" "No!" "Just that he sent me a ticket." "I've got no expectations." "Well, good, because he's got a girlfriend." "Although you know it's funny, her name didn't come up once." "Yeah, well, Katie's mature enough to know that when it comes to men, it doesn't matter." "Yeah, well, Katie also knows that something must have triggered his sudden enthusiasm to see her Mum, who, by the way, knows him better than anyone, and is clearly the best person to judge!" "(SCOFFS)" "Oh, and, uh..." "(SQUEALING)" "(LAUGHING)" "All right!" "All right!" "Good to see you!" "So, tired?" "Hungry?" "No." "Why?" " (♪ Dance music) - (CROWD CHEERING)" "(SHOUTING)" "(LAUGHING)" "Come on." "Do you want another?" "Um, yeah." "All right." "I'll be back, OK?" "So, you're new here." "I'm Jonathan!" "Rosie!" "Rosie?" "So what do you do, Rosie?" "I'm a Mum!" "Is that some kind of, uh, performance thing?" "You're a drama major?" "I'm a mother of a 5-year-old girl!" "Cool!" "Cool!" "Um..." "Can I get you a drink or something?" " A gin and tonic." " (LAUGHING)" " Cell?" "Car keys?" " Oh, dude." "Come on." "Guys, guys, guys, no, no, no!" "MAN:" "Yup." "It's happening!" "We're going!" " It's gonna happen!" " Come on, come on!" "Come on!" "Please!" " BOTH:" "One, two, three!" " OK, OK!" "Rosie, Rosie, come on, come... (BOTH WHOOPING)" "(CROWD CHEERING)" "Can you give me a hand?" "All right." "(SCREAMING)" "(ALL CHEERING)" "Come on." "Come on!" "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "Oh." "You're looking way too hot right now, Rosie." "(SCREAMING)" "Come on, all right, OK." "If you want it like that." "ROSIE:" "No, no, no!" "(ROSIE SCREAMING)" "ALEX:" "You stink." "ROSIE:" "I stink?" "You haven't bathed." " Bananas?" " (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" " All right." " One, two..." " Any good?" " No, it's sort of..." "Catch." "(LAUGHING)" "All right." ""You will live a long and happy life." Sweet." "Oh, can I switch?" " 'Cause you prefer mine?" " I prefer it." "I do, I do." "I don't know what I'm talking about." "Well, you do go here, so you probably should know what you're talking about." "ROSIE:" "Strange to think that I could have lived here and been part of it." "But I don't regret Katie, you know?" "I mean, how could I?" "She's the most amazing kid." "(CHUCKLES)" "The weird thing is that she reminds me more of you than Greg." "That's probably just 'cause I love her." "We should go." "Yeah." "ALEX:" "Seriously cute." "ROSIE:" "Aw." "It was a ball of fluff." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "No, seriously." "Sally." "(CHUCKLES) Rosie." "Rosie, Sally." "Good morning." "Hi." "Wow." "This should be in a museum." "Oh, it's nothing." "Just quail egg and asparagus in filo pastry with a cream of rocket sauce." "Well, my regular is baked beans." "(CHUCKLES)" "Good old British baked bean." "Zero nutritional value." "Yeah." "But good on toast." "(LAUGHING)" "Oh, you know I can't drink." "Of course." "But how are we going to cope without the numbing haze of alcohol?" "Why can't you drink?" "If that's not a rude question?" "Alex?" "What?" "(STAMMERING)" "(NERVOUS LAUGH)" "(STAMMERING) Didn't..." "Didn't..." "Alex and I are pregnant." "Twelve and a half weeks in." "That's wonderful." "(CHUCKLES)" "Congratulations." "Alex, you didn't tell me?" "No, I... (STUTTERING) Sorry, I thought I did." "That's... (HUFFS) Oh!" "Let me help!" " ROSIE:" "Shit!" " Ah-ah-ah!" "Daddy's antique table!" "Alex, quick!" " Oh, bollocks." " Language, please!" " Oh, fuck!" " No!" "Why can't you just say fudge?" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "(YELLING)" "PHIL:" "Oh, Oh." "(BREATHING HEAVILY)" "Look what you made me do." "It's fine." "It's OK." "We have Herb's vernissage in an hour..." "It's..." "Everything is gonna be fine." "(♪ Lounge music on stereo)" "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "(SALLY LAUGHING)" "(EXHALES)" "I'm so sorry." "Sally had this planned for weeks." "It's not for long, OK?" "I promise." "Sweetie?" "Dr. Jones is by the sweet and sour prawn balls!" " Look, he's just..." " Sweetie, not now." "OK?" "But he's a senior thoracic surgeon, Alex." "She's right, Alex." "Go on." "OK, let's go." "Let's go." "HERB:" "This image here is one of my favourites." "How to articulate that transient moment when you see something through the camera's eye." "It's a little like love at first sight." "Stops you in your tracks." "Suddenly you recognise it for exactly what it is." "A load of bollocks." "(EXHALES)" "(HUFFS)" "Rosie!" "Rosie, where are you going?" "Back home." "And I mean England." "This is too crazy for me, OK?" "I walked straight into the middle of something here!" "Look, it's all fine, honestly." "Sally and I just needed to air some stuff!" "Oh, good, I'm glad you're fine, 'cause I'm not!" "We were out together the whole night, Alex!" "And all the while your girlfriend was at home expecting a baby!" " And you didn't say!" " Come on, Rosie." "Nothing happened, we were just..." "We were just having some fun." "That's what you got me over here for then?" "Just some fun?" "I wanted to see you!" "For Christ sake, you're my best friend!" "Or maybe you needed someone from your old life to point out the truth!" " What truth?" " You're in a mess, Alex!" "This whole situation is one big bloody giant mess!" "Me?" "I'm in a mess?" "And you're in denial!" "You're projecting!" "OK, can we just stop the psychobabble here and just talk like English people, please!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Fine." "Fine." "Look." "I was worried you might find it hard, you know, coming here." " Hard?" " I mean, you've had a tough time, Rosie, and seeing where we live, you know, our apartment, our lifestyle, it's just..." "OK!" "You thought I was jealous of you?" "No." "I pity you, Alex!" "All I see is someone compensating for a crap personal life by schmoozing his way up the career ladder!" "Crap personal life?" "All right, let's see." "Um, stable relationship with beautiful girlfriend, lots in common, a great circle of friends, a kid on the way, who's gonna have two parents, by the way, not one!" "Rosie, come on, I..." "Forget it, Alex!" "Go ahead and climb your greasy pole!" "You know, I will!" "Just don't come whinging to me when you realise you're empty inside." " No danger of that!" " Good!" " Excellent!" " Fantastic!" "(SIGHS)" "(GROANS)" "(♪ Pop music)" "(SQUEAKING)" "Oh, no!" "Pleased to see me?" "What are you doing here?" "You sent me Katie's drawing!" "I got on the first flight I could!" "No!" "No, no, no!" "I did that on a whim, OK?" "Katie drew the picture, and it was a mistake!" "I never expected you to actually show up!" "That letter really made me think about my life!" "I wanna meet her, Rosie!" "I am her dad-." "Dad?" "And what precisely is it that you think qualifies you for that title?" "Those?" "Where were you, Dad, when she woke up with colic every night for the first few months?" "Or cut her first tooth, or took her first steps?" "(SIGHS)" "Has anyone ever told you, you have the most amazing eyes?" "(GRUNTS)" "Look, I'm sorry, OK?" "I get it, I bailed on you." "I was a total creep." "But there hasn't been a single day in the last five years that I haven't wondered what she's like." "Is she like me?" "Did she luck out on the gene front?" "You're so full of shit!" "(SIGHS)" "You have to give me a chance, Rosie!" "I can be different, I promise." "Do you want me to crawl on my hands and knees?" "Anything, Rosie!" "I'm begging you!" "Just get up, you idiot!" "Look." "If this were about me, I'd be driving you to the airport right now!" "You'd be right to." "One chance!" "One chance, but any mess-ups and you're out." "And you be nice!" "And I don't just mean average nice," "I mean Father Christmas-Easter Bunny- Tom Hanks-all-rolled-into-one nice!" " Yeah." " And you will buy her the most expensive pair of shitty pink shoes that you can find!" "I'm gonna Google them right now." "(♪ Pop music)" "GREG:" "Woo-hoo!" " Hi-five!" " Boo!" "(LAUGHING)" "Whoo!" "Wait a minute." "You did what?" "(SLURPING)" "Hey!" "This is a man who let you go to casualty on your own in the middle of the night, with a condom stuck up your fanny!" " He's Katie's dad." " (SCOFFS)" "You should see her little face light up when he walks in the room!" "They're really bonding!" "Of course, none of that would matter if he had a crap bod." "He's really worked on that thing." "Wow." "You're evil, Rosie Dunne." "I just want to belong to someone, Ruby." "I'm tired of waiting." "And it feels good with him." "We're a family." "(BELL TOLLING)" "RUBY:" "Can you just stop jumping up and down?" "ROSIE:" "I'm just checking everyone's here." "Everyone being who, exactly?" "How's the blushing bride?" "Like a mad bunny." "OK." "OK." "Oh." "Don't take this the wrong way, love." "But if there's any part of you that isn't sure, even now, say the word." "We'll walk straight out of here, our heads held high." "So you like Greg, then?" "Come on." "Let's get you hitched." "(♪ Pop music)" "(EXHALES)" "(MOBILE RINGING)" "(♪ Pop music continues on headphones)" "Do you like this?" "Katie, would you please?" "Mum!" "Sorry." "(RINGING)" " SALLY ON PHONE:" "Hello?" " Sally..." "Rosie." "What can I do for you?" "Um, is Alex there?" "Did he not tell you?" "Tell me what?" "Alex and I separated." "What?" "When?" "About eight weeks ago?" "Pretty much the day of your wedding." "Oh!" " (WATER SPLASHING) - (GASPS)" "Oh, God!" "What?" "What?" "I think my water just broke!" "Oh, God!" "Wait, wait." "Are you sure?" "Maybe you just wet yourself." "No, I did not wet myself!" "Where is Herb?" " Herb?" " Oh, God." " Who, the artist?" " Herb!" "It's happening!" "The baby!" "It's coming!" "Herb!" "(CLICKING)" "(SIGHS)" "(MESSAGE CHIMING)" "(CLICKING)" "(EXHALES)" "(CLICKING)" "(MOBILE CLICKS)" "(♪ Dubstep on stereo)" "ROSIE:" "Katie!" "(HUFFS)" "Mum!" "You're supposed to knock!" "The music!" "It's too loud!" "Can't hear you!" "The music's too loud!" " Don't do that!" " Yeah, this music needs to be felt." "Is that lipstick you're wearing?" "Privacy, Mum!" "Please!" "OK!" "(HUFFS)" "ROSIE:" "Now, have you got the thermal underwear I gave you?" " (GROANS)" " It's the Mediterranean." "Um, what about cash?" "I've got some extra if you like." "Phone chargers?" "Your wallet, Dad?" "Rosie, it's fine." "Will you stop fussing like a mother hen?" " Yes." " (LAUGHING)" " Good bye!" " Love you." " Get in." " Love you." " Bye!" " Bye!" "BOTH:" "Bye." "ROSIE:" "So my parents have sold up and gone backpacking, while I get to stay at home," "Nagging a 12-year-old about lipstick." "I mean, seriously, could you find further proof of how fucked up my life is?" "Bethany?" "BETHANY:" "Rosie Dunne!" "You work here now?" " I just got promoted to reception." " Ah." "Congratulations!" "But you!" "Your success, it's, uh..." "It's amazing!" "I've just flown from Morocco, tomorrow I fly out again," "New York, Boston, Chicago, nightmare." " The heart bleeds." " Yeah." "Boston?" "You should look up Alex." "Really?" "Alex Stewart?" "You guys still keep in touch?" "Of course." "He could do with a friendly face." "Great!" "I'll get his details from you later!" "Thanks." "Oh." "Could I have some Evian sent up to my room?" "It's the only water I can drink." "Three bottles." "And maid service twice a day?" "Mmm." " (SCOFFS)" " Of course." "That's how fucked-up your life is." "(♪ Pop music on stereo)" "(TELEPHONE RINGING)" "ROSIE:" "Mum!" "How is Nice?" "Have you found some good places to eat?" "(ALICE CRYING)" "Mum, are you all right?" "I'm sorry." "I'm... (SOBBING)" "Mum, what is it?" "It's bad news for you." "Mum?" "Mum, what is it?" "(BELL TOLLING)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Hey." "Really?" "Yeah. (CHUCKLES)" "When I heard, the years fell away, I was..." "I was a fucked-up kid all over again." "Hero worshipping this amazing dad you had." "(IMITATES FARTING SOUND)" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Sorry." "I never got to say goodbye." "Hey, come here." "Come here, you." " Hey." "Shh." " (SOBBING)" "GREG:" "Hey, hey!" "Hands off my woman!" "I've just been chatting to your cousin." "She is such a bore." "(LAUGHING)" " Seriously?" "Are you pissed?" "(SIGHS)" "(SNIFFLES) I find funerals really difficult, Alex." "Ah, 'cause Rosie, I mean, she's having a great time." "You know what?" "Fuck you!" "Please?" "Thanks for turning up." "We both really appreciate your support." "Let's go, come on." "ALEX:" "Rosie, you deserve someone who loves you with every beat of his heart, someone who'll always be there for you, and who'll love every part of you..." "Mum!" "I'm not going without my grey skinny jeans!" "All right!" "I'll get them for you!" ""Rosie, you deserve someone who..."" "Anything for me?" "Uh, yeah, just this one." "From Dad." "In France, the day before he died." " Oh, God, don't read that." " What?" "Well, it'll upset you." "I'm already upset." "Right." "Do you want me to stay?" "Funnily enough, no." "OK." "Well, call me if you need anything, OK?" "(DOOR CLOSES)" "DENNIS:" "Dear Rosie, I can't believe it." "Here I am at last, finally walking the Mediterranean coast." "I've lost count of the years I've waited for this moment." "Somehow life got in the way." "And it was all good, I don't regret a minute of it, but we forget our dreams at our peril." "I know you had yours, too, and it must feel sometimes like they're gone for good." "But I'm so proud of the woman you've become, Rosie, of the mother you've been to Katie." "What I once said about you is still true, there's nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it." "So keep chasing those dreams, will you, darling?" "For my sake, Dad." "How can someone just not be there any more?" "Fuck knows." "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "At least he did everything he wanted." "He didn't forget his dreams." "What if I told you" "I was gonna use my share of the money from the house and get myself a hotel?" "Somewhere simple but..." "But my own place." "I think that would be awesome, Mum." "ALEX:" "Rosie, I understand that you haven't been in touch." "And I just need to know one thing." "(KEYBOARD CLACKING)" "Are you happy with him?" "ROSIE:" "There's not much I got right in my life, but this family, somehow we're making it work." "So I guess the one word answer to your question should be," ""Yes."" " Hey!" " Hi." "So look at this." "The Sweetlands Hotel." "That's where we had our end of school dance!" "Ah." "They just joined our group." "And I was just checking for discounts, and I found this booking..." "That's Greg's name!" " The bridal suite, for this weekend!" " Mm-hmm." "He's already up there on business." "Do you think..." "For our anniversary?" "(BOTH SQUEALING)" " (MOBILE RINGING)" " Oh!" " It's him." " Mmm." "(LAUGHING)" "Hey!" "GREG:" "Hey, gorgeous." "Uh, listen, I'm gonna have to stay here a few extra nights, the guys need me to check out some more venues." "Um, can you take Katie and go to your Mum's, and then I can swing by on Sunday and pick you up?" "Babe?" "Fine." "Cool, see you later, then." " Talk later." " Bye." "Check the booking." "Here it is." "Bridal suite for two, checked in two hours ago..." "Oh, Rosie, I'm..." "(♪ Fuck You:" "Lily Allen)" "(CAR ALARM BEEPS)" "Rosie!" "Rosie?" "What are you going to say?" "Fuck!" "(WOMAN SCREAMING)" "(GROANS)" "(GRUNTS)" ""Rosie," ""you deserve someone who loves you with every beat of his heart." ""Someone who will always be there for you," ""and who will love every part of you, especially your flaws." ""I know Katie needs her dad." "I don't want to intrude." ""So if this is all wrong, just ignore it" ""and I promise I'll never broach the subject again." ""Greg's not the man for you, Rosie." ""Twice I've let you slip through my fingers." ""Let's stop being afraid and take the chance." ""I know now I can make you happy." ""Call me if you feel the same way." ""Love, Alex."" "(CHIMING)" "(BEEPING)" "Bethany?" "What are you doing there?" "I live here now." "I moved in." "Look who it is, Mr Schnuffs!" "Mr Schnuffs?" "Rosie?" "Uh..." "Hey..." "Baby, that thing we were talking about earlier." "ALEX:" "Yeah." "BETHANY:" "Ask her now." " Schnuffie..." " (BOTH LAUGHING)" "Um..." "Bethany and me," "Uh, we thought, why hang around, you know, um, so, she started organising the whole thing, but then Phil said no, so your name came up, obviously." "(SCOFFS)" "We're getting married!" "The Wedding's next week." "It's fast, but we need to fit it in before New York Fashion Week." "And you have to be our best man!" "I mean, you are a girl but..." "Right?" "This is all because of you, Rosie." "You told me to come here." "It wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you!" "Thank you!" "Hmm." "RUBY:" "It is so great having you as a friend." "I mean, every time something goes wrong in my life, all I got to do is look at yours and it puts everything into perspective." "He proposed to her on a boat. (SNIFFLES)" "It's like Kate and Leonardo in that scene on the deck." " The Titanic." " Mm-hmm." "How appropriate." "Look, Alex is yours, he always has been." "This is just proof of ownership." "He wrote that months ago!" " And anyway he's my best friend!" " No!" "I'm your best friend!" "Get it yet?" "We just keep missing each other-." "Maybe we're just not meant to be." "(GROANS) Right." "Let me just try and explain this in a language you might understand." "(SNIFFLES)" "Ship." "Iceberg." "Ship hits iceberg." "Mayhem, horror, ocean of ice and then Alex on the last lifeboat." "One space left." "Is it Bethany?" "Or Rosie?" "Who's it going to be?" "(GRUNTS)" "What?" "You're immigrating now?" "Less time, more outfits." "You're paying excess." "What's this?" "A school outing?" "I couldn't leave her behind and wherever Katie goes, Toby goes." "Oh, are you two an item now?" " No way." "We're friends." " No way." "We're friends." "God give me strength." " Well, come on, we're really late." " Relax." "I hate arriving early, and besides, we have a five or six hour cushion on the other side." " Um, sorry, what's going on?" " Volcanic ash." "I need to go to Boston!" "I'm afraid it's a five to six hour delay." "Sir, I understand your frustration..." "I think your cushion just burst." "Slow down!" "I'm not wearing a sports bra!" "OK, you guys, get your stuff!" "Katie move it!" "I'm coming, I'm coming!" "ROSIE:" "Ruby, come on!" "KATIE:" "Mum!" "And you thought the flight was rough." "You'll have to get dressed in the van!" "We are so late!" "(HONKING)" "Excuse me?" "You get everything the wrong way round over here." " And you are?" " Ruby." "A pleasure to meet you, Ruby." "Likewise." "Will you marry me?" "Yeah." "What?" "That's not..." "That's not fair!" "That's not..." "It can't be that easy, it's not..." "I think she wants all the women around her to look fat." "Well, it works." "(PANTING)" " (WEDDING SONG PLAYING) - (PEOPLE CHEERING)" "(CLAPPING)" "No, no, you don't know how hard it is." "(INDISTINCT CHATTER)" "ROSIE:" "Final word of warning." "Alex can hold his drink to an almost lethal degree, as I discovered on my 18th birthday, when he decided a night of tequila slammers was the way to go." " (GUESTS LAUGHING)" " Whoo!" "Well, you know when people say that they were so drunk, that the whole night is a blank and you always go, "No way, not possible."" "Well, believe me, it's possible." "(GUESTS LAUGHING)" "Choosing a..." "Choosing the person that you want to share your life with is one of the most important decisions any of us makes," "ever." "Because when it's wrong, it turns your life to grey." "And sometimes..." "Sometimes you don't even notice until you wake up one morning and realise years have gone by." "We both know about that one, Alex." "Your friendship has brought glorious Technicolor to my life." "It's been there even in the darkest of times." "And I am the luckiest person alive for that gift." "I hope I didn't take it for granted." "I think maybe I did." "Because sometimes you don't see that the best thing that's ever happened to you is sitting there, right under your nose." "But that's fine, too." "It really is." "Because I've realised that no matter where you are" "or what you're doing, or who you're with," "I will always honestly, truly." "Completely love you." "(INDISTINCT MURMURS)" "(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)" "Like a sister loves a brother and a friend loves a friend." "I'll always stand guard over your dreams, Alex." "No matter how weird or twisted they get." "So, please, everybody, join me in a toast." "To the bride and groom." "ALL:" "To the bride and groom!" "(♪ Classical music on stereo)" "RUBY:" "Come on, show me what you've got!" "No, please!" "Well, OK then!" " (GASPS)" " Ready?" "Here we go." "You like it?" "(BREATHING HEAVILY)" "(CRYING)" "(GASPS)" "Baby, baby, what's up?" "(HUFFS)" "Katie?" " Katie just..." " She just went through here!" "Katie?" "KATIE:" "Mum?" "(SIGHS)" "What are you doing out here?" "Huh?" "KATIE:" "Toby kissed me, Mum." "ROSIE:" "Oh." "Is that such a bad thing?" "Of course it is." "Hey." "Look, I..." "I was watching you two tonight." "You're good together." "You're a team." "KATIE:" "Don't you get it?" "It would be like you two kissing or something." "I'll just tell him to forget the whole thing." "Katie, that..." "That would be a big mistake." "Look, if you reject him now, he's gonna make it his life's mission to go out there and meet the most perfect, beautiful girl in the world just to try and get over you." "And he'll end up marrying this other woman and spending the rest of his life with her." "And you know, he'll tell himself that she's perfect and..." "He really must be happy, (CHUCKLES) but she won't be you, you know?" "But you two never actually kissed?" " Did you?" " Of course not." "(DOOR OPENS)" "TOBY:" "Katie?" "KATIE:" "Toby!" "I'm really sorry." "Let's just pretend it never happened..." "Alex?" "(CHUCKLES)" "I only realised, uh, tonight that you forgot." "Your 18th birthday, about five tequila slammers in, I think," "before you fell off the stool..." "So that's why you took Bethany to the dance." "And you went with Greg." "(AEROPLANE PASSING OVERHEAD)" "Well, bye." "OK." "(WOMAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY ON PA)" "(♪ Pop music)" "(EXHALES SHARPLY)" "(GRUNTS)" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "ALL:" "Cheers!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "RUBY:" "It's so nice." "Your own hotel, darling." "Your father would be so proud of you." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Babe!" "Babe!" "We've got a visitor!" "(SQUEALING)" "Do you have a room?" "Yes, of course." "A single, for one night." "(SIGHS)" "Welcome!" "You are our first guest." "Have we met before?" "The condom came off inside my vagina and at present I'm unable to locate it!" "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "I don't think so." "Ruby, would you please see our guest upstairs to his room?" "Of course." "And free champagne!" "All right, follow me and then..." "Yeah, a brand new bed, and..." "It's massive and you get to see the sea." "And it's..." "It's really pretty." "You'll love it." "You'll love it." "Uh..." "Hi." "Uh..." "Hey, guys!" "KATIE:" "No, I want to see him!" "PHIL:" "Come on, out." "No, out." "I said out!" "Come on, out, out, out!" " KATIE:" "No, but I..." " (LAUGHING)" "Um..." "So, I, uh..." "I guess I need a room." "Any baggage?" "No." "I left it behind." "So your wife..." "Won't be joining me." "We both knew it wasn't right." "Sea view or garden view?" "I... (GULPS) recommend the sea." "Um, sea it is." "One room with sea view." "Um, Ruby would you mind showing our guest upstairs to his room?" "Please." "Sorry, chief, but I'm really busy doing the files right now." "Um, please, follow me." "(CHUCKLES)" "(CHUCKLES)" "So, I had this weird dream on the plane over..." "Let me guess, you were a clip on the seatbelts?" " (CHUCKLES)" " No, I know, you were, um, a valve in those annoying fans that blow cold air on you?" "I can never turn those things off." "No." "No, uh..." "I was me." "And you were you, standing where you are right now, perfect." "And I took you in my arms, in a manly kind of way." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Like this." "And said," ""Rosie Dunne, can I take you to the dance?"" "(CHUCKLES)" "Better late than never." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "(GIGGLES)" "(LAUGHING)"