"I don't know this number." "Hello?" "It's Gabi, you don't have to use the fake voice." "I'm back from China and I had an amazing time!" "Oh, my god, what is wrong with you?" "I haven't heard from you in three weeks!" "I'm sorry, but do you know how much international cell phone plans cost?" "Thousands!" "You can't even check your messages." "Wait a second, you never checked your messages?" "Uh, no." "Why?" "Did you leave me one?" "No." "Uh, but if someone did, when would you be hearing them?" "Uh, when I get my luggage." "Come pick me up." "I gotta go." "This guy said I could borrow his phone if I carried his bag through customs, and I just read a sign that said I should not do that." "Don't know this number." "Hello?" "Josh, it's Sofia." "Gabi's back from China." "She just called me from the airport, and she never got your message." "What?" "Her phone was off the whole time." "Look, she didn't reject you, she just never got your message." "Oh my god, then she never has to hear it!" "Why would you not want her to hear it?" "Because I'm a human being who can experience shame?" "Look, I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to make this less awkward when I see her, and now I don't have to." "Yes, you do!" "She has a right to hear that message!" "That long, awkward message." "No." "She's moved on, I've moved on, everything's changed." "What do you mean "everything's changed"?" "Happy two-week anniversary." "Who's that?" "Who is that?" "I'll meet you at the airport in 15 minutes." "I'll meet you at the airport in 16 minutes." "Josh, you have to tell her how you feel." "No, I don't." "That was so three weeks ago." "But she's going to hear the message when she turns on her phone anyway." "Not if I get her a new phone." "How's that gonna happen?" "Because in every airport, there's a..." "I love America." "Sofia!" "Welcome home!" "It's so good to see you!" "You too!" "Though I will miss being the only blonde in a 10-mile radius." "So, what's going on?" "What did I miss?" "Nothing!" "Nothing, everybody shut up." "Josh, hi!" "What are you doing here?" "What are any of us doing here?" "Really, that's the question that haunts me every day." "So, how was it?" "Best time of your life?" "Killer, awesome, amazing?" "Yes, it was absolutely perfect." "Hear that, Sofia?" "Yes, I do." "Perfect because you like Cooper, or China?" "Both." "No, pick one." "You have to pick one." "Uh, okay." "Cooper then." "I mean, he's amazing." "He's sexy, he's confident, and he knows everything about China." "Chinese people were asking him where to find the best chinese food." "What she's saying is she's happy with Cooper." "So, there's nothing left to say except, shwah!" "A new phone?" "Why'd you do that?" "I have mine right here." "You don't have to turn that on, no." "Why not?" "While you were gone, there was a phone virus that swept the country." "People everywhere were talking face-to-face." "It was horrible." "But, hey, no worries." "I'll just transfer the stuff from your old phone to your new phone." "You can grab it tomorrow when you come to work, and then you can meet Jilly." "Jilly!" "Aww, did you get a kitty?" "No." "I got a girlfriend." "That was fast." "No, me and Jilly met a while ago at this tech conference, which makes her sound kind of nerdy, but she's not, she's just super smart, and like, really hot." "Did I mention she's a beauty queen?" "Anyway, she found out me and Caroline broke up, and she sent me this Facebook message, and the rest is history." "Well, would you look at that, we are all so happy!" "I know, right?" "Like, you have cooper, I have Jilly, Sofia has..." "A new phone." "As long as you keep it on silent." "Oh, so that's how he gets his hair to stand on end." "I figured he just looked at himself in the mirror naked." "By the way, Yolanda, I've been meaning to thank you." "For what?" "Not wearing a skirt." "All right, done." "I just transferred everything from Gabi's old phone onto my laptop, then loaded it onto her new phone." "Except that awkward message, which now no one will hear." "After I called off my wedding, you're the one I wanted to see, Gabi." "I even drove to your house climbed up your fire escape with roses to Pretty Woman you." "Now, no one will hear it." "Ooh, here comes that fine window washer." "He can squeegee me any day." "Please, like you have a chance." "Half the women in the building want to get "squeegeed" by him." "Get out." "Hi!" "You are hot." "Hey, guys!" "Back from China, never looked finah." "Seems like you've been gone forever, baby!" "Really?" "It already seems like you've been back forever." "So, how was your trip?" "China was amazing!" "Everywhere we went, they treated us like royalty." "Of course, they all thought I was Carrie Underwood." "Here you go." "I transferred all your info." "And all the messages you need to hear are in this phone." "Great." "Okay, thanks, Josh." "Is this a welcome back breakfast?" "Kinda." "This magnificent feast is courtesy of Jilly." "The new girlfriend." "The one and only." "You must be Gabi." "Aren't you cute as a button!" "Hi, it's really nice to meet you." "I borrowed one of your aprons," " I hope you don't mind." " Oh, of course not." "Good." "Now, come sit your sweet buns down and have some of my sweet buns while they're still warm." "Okay." "I always thought I hated all girls who cooked." "Turns out, just you." "These are really good." "You know, whenever I make waffles, I usually make..." "Fried chicken?" "Good thing, I've been going to the gym." "Seems like everybody really loves your cooking." "Among other things, huh?" "Okay." "Well, um..." "Thanks for keeping everybody well-fed, Jilly," "But I think I'll just take it from here." "All right, we're confirmed." "That development team from Austin is coming here for dinner tomorrow night." "Excellent!" "Any thoughts on the menu?" "How about chicken pot pie?" "Sorry." "I just got so used to cooking for Josh, I thought he was talking to me." "No, he was talking to me, 'cause, you know, I'm the chef." "Of course you are, but I don't see why Jilly can't make the dinner." "Because it's my job to cook the dinner?" "But, you've been gone for three weeks." "Well, what does that mean?" "You know, things changed a little bit." "Since you went on vacation with your boyfriend to China for three weeks." "But, you said I could go." "I said you could go because you asked me." "Okay, but now I'm back." "And now I have a girlfriend, and she likes to cook." "So, if she wants to make the dinner, she can." "Aww, thanks, baby." "Fun." "Why can't you date somebody who can do my job?" "You are never gonna believe what Josh just told me." "Oh, thank God, finally!" "You know?" "I know that it's something big, and that I don't know it." "So, tell me." "Josh is having a business dinner tomorrow night, and Jilly wants to cook it, and he's letting her." "That's what this is about?" "Jilly?" "Yeah, can't you see?" "She's moving in on my territory!" "With her sweet buns and that adorable accent, argh, I hate her!" "Your territory?" "I thought you were over Josh?" "You picked Cooper." "You're happy with Cooper." "Yes, I am happy with Cooper and I'm glad I picked Cooper," "I'm just not glad that Josh picked Jilly." "I mean, she's trying to take over my job!" "Oh, my God." "Well, I want to hear all about it." "But first, can you take your shoes off and put them on the new shoe rack?" "I started it while you were gone, so..." "God, has everything changed since I left?" "Okay, seriously, Gabi." "Shoes." "I mean, I'm gone three weeks, and Josh has a girlfriend, and you have a shoe rack." "Okay, it is just one dinner." "No." "No, no, no." "First it's one dinner, then it's two, then it's bye-bye Gabi, and she's cooking for him all the time!" "This is a gateway dinner!" "Well, you are cracked out on jet lag, and you need some sleep." "No." "No, you know what I need?" "I need to roll Jilly up in a carpet and toss her off a bridge!" "Yes, now I hear it." "I am cracked out on jet lag." "I'm gonna call Cooper, and take a little nap." "Hey, Gabi, could you, um..." "take your..." "Thank you." "You okay, sugar?" "I'm sorry." "Just having a hard time sleeping." "I know what's going on." "Though, I'm afraid to say it because I don't want you to think I'm insecure." "But..." "I'm insecure." "You?" "What are you insecure about?" "The truth is, it's only been three weeks, and I just feel like you might still be hung up on her." "Trust me." "I'm over her." "She's moved on, I've moved on." "It's okay to say her name." "Your ex-fiancée Caroline." "Caroline?" "Yes." "Caroline." "That's who I'm over." "Very over." "From now on, it's just the two of us." "And whoever's trying to break in downstairs." "Gabi, what are you doing here?" "It's 3:00 in the morning." "Not in China." "And, you know what they say, the early bird gets to cook the bird." "Right?" "No one says that." "We've discussed this." "My girlfriend is cooking the dinner." "Your "girlfriend."" "Why did you put my girlfriend in quotes?" "Why did you put my girlfriend in quotes?" "I don't know, Josh, maybe because three weeks ago you were engaged, and now you have a..." "First of all, this is none of your business, you are my chef." "If I am your chef, then I should be making the dinner." "Kind of looks like you are making the dinner." "I am?" "Oh, thank you!" "She is?" "No, she's not." "She's going home." "We're going to bed." "Sweetie, just give me one second." "I'll be up in a jiff." "Hon, I'm sorry that I worried you so much you felt like you had to come over here." "But, here's the thing." "Josh and I are in a new relationship, and I think he may be a little hung up on his ex still, so I'm using every biscuit in my basket to win him over." "You understand, right?" "I do, yeah, I totally do." "But, here's my thing:" "I need this job." "Well, appears we have a situation." "Appears we do." "How do you suggest we remedy that?" "Well, how about we both cook the dinner and we see which one Josh likes the best." "If you're asking for a cook-off, you got one." "Okay, well, if I win, then I cook the dinner, and you stay out of my kitchen." "And if I win, I cook the dinner, and any other dinner I want to from now on." "In Josh's kitchen." " Game on!" " So on!" "Let's wait till the sun comes up." " Good idea." " Okay." "Ooh, something smells good in here." "Thank you." "She was talking to me!" "Crazy white girls." "Look at you." "I don't know who's working harder, you or those spanx." "The spanx." "I am one popcorn shrimp away from blowing a button and killing the man." "I still don't know how you got a date with the world's sexiest window washer." "We have a connection." "We were able to communicate with just our hands." "Oh, that's cute, window man." "But, let's talk with our voices now." "We can talk with our hands later." "You know I'm deaf, right?" "No." "No, I did not." "Hold on." "He's deaf." "What do I do?" "Go out with him." "He's hot." "But, I've never been out with a deaf guy before." "So?" "You've never been out with a hot guy before." "How are we supposed to communicate?" "Why are we whispering?" "He can't hear us." "I can read lips, mamacita." "Well, look at that, you finally have a date who can read." "Here's the research on the guys coming to dinner tonight." "Only one of them is cute." "Did you figure out a way to make sure I pick Jilly's pie over Gabi's pie?" "Can we please stop talking about their pies?" "It's making me dry heave." "I'm serious." "I need to pick Jilly's." "It's easy." "Jilly's using the aubergine ramekin, Gabi's using the chartreuse." "Can you say that again in hetero?" "Jilly's purple, Gabi's green." "And a ramekin's a small dish you bake in." "Gotcha." "Why does it matter who wins?" "Because Jilly's starting to feel insecure." "She's worried that I'm not over Gabi." "Caroline." "She's worried I'm not over Caroline." "So, I have to pick Jilly's pie to prove that I'm into Gabi." "Jilly!" "I'm into Jilly!" "Jilly, Jilly!" "Who's green again?" "Okay, first we have to blindfold you." "No." "Why do I have to be blindfolded?" "Didn't seem to bother you last night." "This is so not that." "Okay, here we go." "So good." "And, number two." "Also delicious." "So, which do you choose?" "Which one do I choose?" "Just pick one!" "Fine." "I... pick... the first one." " That's mine." " What?" "I won!" "I beat a professional chef." "You picked mine, sweetie!" "Thank god." "Well, congrats." "You won fair and square." "Chin up, Gabi." "There's no shame in being runner-up." "Or so I've been told." "Gabi, wait." "Here." "Take one of my pies." "It looks like you could use a little bit of comfort food." "Thanks." "You're back early." "It didn't work out?" "No, it did not." "Well, maybe next time you should date a blind guy." "What happened?" "When the check came, he wanted to go dutch." "I can't blame him." "I've seen how much you can eat." "And then, he paid for his half with a two-for-one coupon." "You gotta dump his cheap, but well-sculpted ass." "I can't." "He'll think I'm prejudiced against the deaf." "But, I'm just prejudiced against the cheap." "Yeah." "If a man wants your milk, he's gotta buy the whole cow." "Except for no-dairy Gary, I'd say dinner was a hit." "I'd say you were a hit." "I like the music you picked." "Really?" "Let's turn it up." "May I have this dance, m'lady?" "Aww, handsome, and he can dance." "Wait till thriller comes on." "Hey, gabi I'm calling you from..." " No, no, no, no!" " The airport, actually." "Last night, after I called off my wedding," " Wrong song." " You're the one I wanted to see." " This is..." " I even drove to your house and climbed up your fire escape with roses to..." "So, where were we?" " Oh, my god!" " No, I can explain!" "It's not Caroline you're still hung up on, it's Gabi." "No!" "No, no, no, no." "Okay, no, no, no." "You don't understand." "The reason why that's on my laptop, is because I took it off her phone." "See, I didn't want her to listen to it because I'm so happy with you." "So, you don't have feelings for Gabi?" "That's what I thought." "Josh, you are adorable and a good man, But I am never runner-up." "Don't go." "I'll be fine." "Goodbye, Josh." "Goodbye, Gabi." "Jilly!" "I could be a valet parker." "Really?" "Can you drive a stick?" "No." "Can you parallel park?" "No." "Then, can you be a valet parker?" "No." "God, what happened?" "Everything was so perfect." "I had an amazing time in China, I had a great time with Cooper, I had a job." "hey, Gabi, it's Josh, I need to talk to you." "Go ahead." "Get it over with quick." "I'm fired, right?" "You're not fired." "How could you not fire me?" "I would fire me!" "I can't even cook a pot pie better than a civilian." "Gabi, stop." "I picked hers on purpose." "Nice try." "It was a blind taste test." "And I knew which one was yours." " How?" " Bacon in the crust." "Signature Gabi move." "Also, no onions, 'cause I hate them." "Extra peas, 'cause I love them." "You did know." "Well, then why did you pick hers?" "For the sex reasons." "I just really wanted things to work out with Jilly." "What do you mean "Wanted"?" "What happened?" "We broke up." "What!" "Why?" "She didn't like my music." "And I also think that maybe it was a little too soon for me to have a "girlfriend."" "Aww, Josh." "Someday, you're gonna find a girlfriend you don't have to put quotes around." "I mean, somebody who's incredible for you, who totally gets you, and who, hopefully, can't cook." " You think so?" " Yeah." "You're gonna find somebody who's perfect for you." "Just like me and Cooper." "Just like you and Cooper." "Yeah." "Hey, do you want to see pictures of my trip to China with Cooper?" "Not even a little." "Okay, I just finished my breakup text." "How does this sound?" "George, it was really nice to meet you, but I have to be honest," "I have three months to live." "And it will be cruel to give you so much, only to take it away." "It's good, really really good." "So you don't think he'll be too crushed?" "Uhhh..." "no, I think he'll be okay."