"# Sometimes I want to kill, kill # # times I want to kill, kill # # times I want to kill, kill #" "Too soon to say how this will affect an already unstable situation in the middle" "# If when one of us is dead #" "# When I die #" "Listening to Rockin Johnny's' all vinyl afternoon on CL 97.3." "It's a crisp bright day here in the hammer." "Looks like spring is right around the corner." "This one by The Jive Five is going out to all of you counting down the hours till quitting time." "# Tick-tock # # listen to the clock #" "# Tick-tock # # listen to the clock #" "# What time is it?" "#" "# I've just got to know #" "# What time is it?" "#" "# It's 5:00 #" "# Three more hours to go # # till I hold her # # in my arms # # and tell her #" "I got it." "I got the feeling." "I can taste it." "I got it." "I got it." "I got the feeling, got the feeling." "I feel it." "Okay, okay, okay, okay." ""Weapon of Mass Destruction in the fifth race."" "Weapon of Mass Destruction in the fifth." "Weapon of Mass Destruction in the fifth." "Weapon of Mass Destruction in the fifth." "Don't waste it." "Don't waste it on anything stupid." "I got that feeling." "I got the feeling." "I got the feeling." "Fuck are you staring at?" "Should I piss?" "No, don't piss." "I got the feeling." "I got the feel- careful, don't step on any fucking cracks, man." "What you lookin' at?" "Don't fucking look at me, you bad luck cocksucker." "Hi, there." "Can I get a scratch off for there?" "Ten bones." "Thank you." "# Tick-tock #" "# Listen to the clock #" "# What time is it?" "#" "# It's 7:00 #" "Give me something." "Give me something." "Ah, cocksucker!" "Fuckin', fuck, oh, fuck." "Yeah, the fuckin' store was cursed." "Should have just gone to the fuckin' track." "# The moment in #" "If there's a taxi coming, I go to the track." "Oh, yes, yes, fucking A." "Oh, yes, yeah!" "Fucking A, I still got it." "I still got the feeling." "You cocksucker!" "Ah, cocksucker." "Oh, cocksucker." "Fuck." "Ah, cocksucker." "Motherfucker." "What a fuckin' day." "God damn it." "Oh." "Hey, hold that cab!" "The Jive Five." "Hold that cab!" "Wait, please!" "Hold that cab!" "Please!" "Wait, just- ah, fuck!" "Ah, fuck!" "Oh, yeah, now you see me." "Great, so thanks for that, you fucking bad luck old lady." "Fucking had to live just long enough to kill the feeling." "God damn it." "A fucking conspiracy or something." "Ah, shit." "Oh, fuck." "Get in the car, Andy." "Andy." "He's still following me, okay." "Oh, hey, Reuben." "Hey, where the hell did you come from?" "Get in the car, Andy." "Get in the car." "Okay." "Reuben, I swear to God, man," "I was this fucking close to having your money." "I-I totally had the feeling." "Put that cigarette out of my car, Andy." "What?" "Oh." "So..." "I thought you- you'd retired or something." "Hey, did you go on vacation?" "You look like you got some sun, lost a little weight." "Look, I swear to God." "I was this fucking close, Reuben." "But then some fucking old bad luck lady fucking cursed me and killed the feeling." "What's that?" "Is that Cleo?" "Why?" "Why do you have my Cleo?" "Oh." "I get it." "You're gonna hurt my poor, defenseless little cat just 'cause I owe you a little money?" "In the meantime" "What are you doing?" "The fuck's it look like I'm doing?" "I'm getting my fucking cat." "Get back in your seat." "Please." "I said get back in your seat, Andy." "How's my favorite kitty?" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Are you fucking crazy?" "Punch me in the fucking ear, Reuben?" "Fuck this shit." "What the fuck is the matter with you?" "Why are you doing this?" "Shut up and I'll tell you." "You know what?" "Reuben, you've gone fucking crazy." "I said shut up, Andy." "Ow, God." "Shut the fuck up!" "You shut the fuck up!" "Ah!" "Stop hitting me!" "Ow!" "I'm trying to be a nice guy here." "Now, listen, Andy." "You're gonna die today." "Come on." "Ow!" "Fuck balls!" "Today." "Fuck!" "Now, there's five other guys who wanted to do this job, but I said that I'd handle it." "You want to know why?" "Because..." "I wanted to give you a chance to prepare, to make peace." "Anybody else, you'd already have a bullet in your head." "You understand?" "I got shit to do." "Now, I've got a meeting at 3:00." "I have to be somewhere else at 3:00." "So that's how much time you've got." "But if you reach for that door again," "I'll do it now, I swear it." "All right?" "I'm a fucking retard." "I'm trying to be a nice guy." "Oh, yeah, thank you very much, Reuben." "You're super swell." "You're welcome." "So... what do you want to do, Andy?" "And I suggest you make good use of this time." "I don't know." "I-I can't think." "I got to take a piss." "You can take a piss when you're dead." "I got to piss now, Reuben." "I've been holding it in for, like, a fucking hour." "I will go in here if you want." "Do you have, like, a cup or a bottle or something for me to pee into?" "Wait there." "Come on, then." "Don't try anything stupid." "Go on that post there." "What if I got some money?" "I could always sell my TV set." "TV's not worth 68 grand, Andy." "It's 68 now?" "Jesus." "Don't be looking at my dick." "Well, fuck, could you turn around, please?" "You're really making me very nervous." "Go on." "What if I got ten grand?" "Well, I'd take the ten grand and shoot you anyway." "Really?" "I got 60 bones in my pocket." "We'll go to the casino, play some high stakes slots." "It's not about the money anymore, Andy." "It's about you going around town, bragging about how you're not gonna pay people." "It's about you going around, making fun of the way one of those people looks." "Well, he's- he's got a fucking" "Yeah, he's got a harelip, and guess what." "He doesn't like people who owe him large amounts of money calling him Mr. Funny Mouth." "Now, are you gonna piss or what?" "I can't." "I'm having trouble here." "Could you make, like, a waterfall sound?" "What?" "Just like Niagara Falls, just go" "It'll help me go." "Andy, you've got three seconds before I shoot your fucking dick off." "Okay, okay, here we go." "Oh, there we go." "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph." "Idiot." "Oh." "Let's go." "Fuck!" "This is the sort of fucking luck I have." "I smell like a fucking hobo right now." "Get in the fucking car." "Now, put your seat belt on and stop dicking around, Andy." "Man." "Ah,suchaclassic track to hear on the station that plays all your favorites, CL 97.3." "Up next, we're jumping ahead to 1970 with Lighthouse and One Fine Morning." "# One fine morning, girl, I wake up #" "What are you doing?" "The fuck's it look like I'm doing?" "I already told you no." "What do you mean, no?" "I already told you, you can't smoke." "Now, put it out." "What, are you fucking kidding me?" "I don't want to breathe that crap." "I'll roll the window down." "Didn't you smoke for, like, 20 fucking years, Reuben?" "Yeah, and then I realized it was disgusting." "Now, put it out." "So we're just gonna sit here, driving around all day?" "They just got some polar bears at the zoo." "We could go to the art gallery, check out some paintings." "Anything you want, Andy." "You just figure it out and let me know." "It's hard to think without a smoke, you know?" "I don't know." "What?" "Spill it." "There's a woman, works over on Regent, looks kind of like Rosie Perez." "Is that what you want to do, get a hooker?" "I don't know, Reuben." "Hey, if that's what you want, I mean, then fine." "I'm-I'm just asking." "Man, let's see." "Art gallery, Rosie Perez look-alike naked." "Stare at fucking polar bears, see Rosie Perez look-alike naked." "I mean" "It's your hour." "If that's what you want to do." "You don't like Rosie Perez." "You-you don't think she's a good actress." "No, I like her fine." "And she's fucking hot as balls, right?" "Yeah, hot as balls." "And I don't want to die knowing that I could have fucked a piece of ass that looked just like her, do you?" "Like I said, Andy, it's your hour." "Well, here's Regent." "You want to head down that way?" "There's no right answer, Andy." "If that's what you want to do..." "Hmm." "Let's go in, Andy." "Okay." "I mean, look, it's definitely not gonna take an hour, Reuben." "I don't think I even really want to fuck her." "I just want her to, like, take her clothes off and look at her, you know." "We can go see the polar bears after, if you want." "Hey, it's not about me, honestly." " Do what you want." " Yeah." "Okay, it's just up here a little bit more." "Here?" "That don't look like no Rosie Perez to me." "That's your idea of Rosie Perez?" "No, fuck." "That's, like, her mother or fucking aunt or something." "That's-ah, jeez." "No, no, it's okay." "No, no, no, it's okay." "No, don't." "Don't-it's okay." "No, it's okay." "Do you want a date?" "No." "No, thank you." "No?" "No, uh..." "Is your daughter working today?" "My daughter?" "Or-or your niece?" "Looks like Rosie Perez?" "Do you want head?" "No, thank you." "Maybe some time later." "Awesome, but thank you." "You see?" "That's the sort of luck I have." "I finally get the nerve to come down here, and-shit." "What?" "Is your daughter working?" "What?" "I was perfectly cordial." "How much money you got?" "I already told you, 60 bucks." "Give me $50." "Why?" "Just do it." "Oh, motherfuck!" "Hey, sugarpuss." "Say, my young friend here, he got so excited at the sight of your sweet face and your-your hot body, that he- well, he threw a little party in his pants." "So, I figure he owes you this." "Okay, fine." "Yo, what the fuck was that?" "Is getting hookers really what you want to do with your last day on Earth, huh?" "Well, what am I supposed to do, like, fuckin' find that special someone, settle down, have a family?" "Now what are you doing?" "Am I gonna have to take my seatbelt off?" "Get out." "Now take a look around." "What?" "Just around." "Well, we live in a shit hole." "I already knew that, Reuben." "It's not a shit hole." "It's home." "It's where we live." "Don't you feel anything when you look at this, Andy?" "Yeah, sure." "Anger, depression, hepatitis." "Come here." " Get up there." " What?" "Get up on the hood of the car." " Why?" " Just do it." "Ah, fuck." "What do you see?" "A shit hole from a slightly higher perspective." "Try taking a harder look, funny man." "What do you see?" "Ugly street... ugly ass fucking buildings." "That's you, Andy." "That's you out there." "Almost everything that ever happened to you happened right here, right here in this city." "Right?" "Yeah, right." "Get down." "Jesus." "What are you, Fred Dryer?" "Buckle up." "I just can't believe you." "You don't care about anything... or anyone." "Isn't there somebody out there that you want to look at one last time, huh?" "Say good-bye to?" "What, did you want to go see Mom's gravestone or meet my fucking deadbeat dad?" "Or we-you want to watch an ex-girlfriend chuck a plate at my fucking head?" "Come on, Andy, now, there must be somebody." "I don't know." "Maybe we could go see my grandma." "Where's Grandma?" "East." "Great." "We have to head that way anyway." "So you close with your grandmother?" "Yeah, we're pretty tight." "That's weird." "You never talked about her over the years." "That's weird?" "Yeah, I don't think you've ever mentioned her." "Well, what the hell was I gonna say to you?" "Hey, Reuben, you know what's pretty cool?" "My grandmother actually plays bingo every Tuesday night." "Or here, interesting fact:" "I don't think my grandmother's had sex in 38 years." "Fair enough." "Besides, you know, I haven't seen her in a while." "No?" "How long?" "I don't know, like, three, four years, maybe." "Four years?" "I thought you said you were close." "We-we were." "When I was little, you know, Dad was gone, and Mom was doing her thing, so I ended up at Grandma's a lot, and, oh, she had so much food," "Ding Dongs and Twinkies and Jos." "Louis and-and all sorts of pop, like, every fucking color of pop, the red pop, the white pop, even fucking green pop." "Bunch of fucking cats to play with." "Bought me a Nintendo, bought me a BMX, one of those Play-Doh barbershop kit things that you make the hair with." "I mean, fuck." "Why haven't you kept in touch?" "I, you know" "I owe her some money." "Hmm." "And I stole some shit from her, pawned it all off and then lost it all at the native casino." "That's a pretty shitty thing to do to your grandma." "Oh, I know, I know, I know." "I-I thought I was gonna win, and I'd buy it all back, you know?" "I was sure I was gonna win." "I want to show you something." "Do you want to go play golf?" "No, I hate golf." "There's a story behind that club, though." "What, you, like, beat somebody to death with it or something?" "No, I made a hole in one with it." "I thought you hate golf." "I do." "But a friend, he dragged me out to play with him one day." "This was, '85, maybe, a few years before I came over." "And I got to the first tee, and he showed me how to strike the ball." "So I hunker down over it, and I take a swing, and I hit the ball straight for the green." "It bounces four times and goes plunk, right in the hole." "No." "Yep." "Your first fucking shot ever?" "Yep." "My buddy fell on the ground." "He couldn't believe it." "He said-he said," ""Most golfers never get a hole in one in their whole life, ever."" "Jesus." "So what'd you do?" "Well, I told my friend, "I'm keeping this club,"" "and I left." " You left." " Yeah, I went home." "I figured it wasn't going to get any better than that." "What was the point of going on?" "I like to keep it with me." "Little reminder of something I got right." "Not the shot." "That was bullshit, but actually walking away at the right moment." "How often do we do that?" "# Four men in a rock and roll band #" "# Fly at night, in the morning we land #" "# Fly at night till we're satisfied #" "# See the morning from the other side #" "# And when you close your eyes #" "# Sleep comes fast #" "# When you fly the universe #" "You want to hear my one in a million hole in one?" "Yeah." "All right." "About five years ago, back when I was still living on the east end," "I wake up one morning, and I have got the feeling like I've never had it." "I got the fucking King Midas going big time." "Like, I knew it, knew it, knew it, knew it, knew I was gonna rip a big win that day." "And I had this voice in my head that just kept saying," ""Go to the track." ""Go to the track, Andy." "Go to the track."" "'Cause there was this 80 to 1 long shot called Egyptian Fin." "Egyptian Fin?" "Egyptian fucking Fin." "I was sure she was gonna win, right?" "And I-I just got paid." "I had this stupid fucking construction job, and I was prepared to bet the whole bloody check on Egyptian Fin." "I-I thought I'd be up around 30 grand or something." "Only problem is, the track didn't open till lunchtime." "So I got fucking five hours to kill." "Anyway, idiot over here gets so excited," "I smoke the whole fucking pack of smokes in the first hour." "Part of me's saying, "Hey, just sit tight." ""Stay here." ""Wait till the track opens." ""Don't risk going out there and wasting that luck on something stupid."" "But I figured maybe I can just run to the corner store, grab a pack of smokes, and run right back." "Of course, I got fuck all in my fridge, so I grabbed a bottle of ice tea while I was there." "Motherfucker." "What?" "I crack open the ice tea, and it starts to make a noise." "What kind of noise?" "Like, music, like, some fucking reggae shit or something." "And-and I call up the tea company." "I'm like, "Excuse me, my tea's making music."" "And the woman on the phone says," ""Oh, congratulations." "You've won the grand prize."" "You know, and I'm thinking, "Fucking A, validation." ""I knew it." "Today was the day."" "I-I felt so happy." "I was so fucking happy." "Well, what'd you win?" "Well, she goes away for a little bit." "She has to check something on the computer." "I hear" "Comes back on the phone and says," ""Sir, you've won a Caribbean cruise for two."" "And I'm like," ""You've got to be fucking shitting me." ""I hate boats." ""I hate the water." "I" " I don't even really like the sun that much. "" "I asked her if I could- if I could sell it, please." "She said, "No."" "It was, like, nontransferable or some shit." "And what happened to the horse, you know, Egyptian Fin?" "Finished dead last." "Oh, well, you see?" "There you go." "It saved you from losing your paycheck." "That was lucky, wasn't it?" "You really don't fucking get it at all, do you?" "Yeah, I-I get it." "You feel like you wasted your luck on a crappy prize." "Yeah, but not just any luck." "The chances of winning that thing are, like, one in a million." "But you said that you felt lucky again today, right?" "Lucky." "Not a million-to-one fucking lucky." "Just turn up here, please." " Here?" " Take a right." "Fly at Night." "The West Coast's own Chilliwack." "It's 17 minutes past the hour here with Rockin' Johnny's all vinyl afternoon." "Your grandmother works at Jollop's Chicken?" "No, no, she just really likes it, though." "Her and the cats do." "You're not gonna try anything stupid, now, are you?" "No." "All right, let's go." "Jesus." "I worked at this joint when I was 17." "Worst fucking year of my life." "Hello." "Not very talkative." "Um..." "Are there any specials today?" "Number two?" "Number three?" "No, I-I mean, like, isn't it Toony Tuesday or some shit?" "Number two." "With a Coke?" "Number two, that's- that's the special?" "Yes, number two." "Yes, number two is the special?" "You like a Coke?" "Do I like Coke?" "Number two?" "Jesus, you really love that fucking number two, don't you?" "Andy." " What are you doing?" " What?" "I'm just trying to help an immigrant learn English." "Let me see your wallet." "Why?" "Just give me your fucking wallet." "Fuck's sake." "You have ten bucks in here." "So?" "So why are you looking to spend two when you got ten?" "You got plans for the rest of that money?" "No." "So why are you haggling to save a few bucks on fast food?" "Fuck, you want me to pay full price like a schmuck?" "Fine, I don't give a fuck." "I'll do it." "Just tell me what it is that you want me to do here." "There's nothing I can accomplish in an hour that's gonna save me from wherever the fuck it is that I'm going, Reuben." "Mr. Funny Mouth." "Yeah." "Impatient fucker." "Honestly, Andy," "I want you to do whatever you want." "Bullshit." "It's your time, Andy." "All right." "I'll do whatever I want." "Number three, please." " Three?" " Three." "Hey,listen,does fucking Donny still work here?" "He used to be the assistant manager." "Donny, please." "What's up, Kwan?" "Can I help you?" "Do you know who I am, Donny?" "I am the ghost of employees past." "Is that fucking Andy?" "Yes, fucking Andy and others." "I am made of the ghosts of all the employees you abused over the years." "Abused?" "I caught you putting your dick in the macaroni salad, and I fired your ass." "Yeah, but not before you ate a whole shitload of my cum, you didn't." "You know, you're a class act, Andy." "All right, look, you've had your fun, okay?" "Can-can you give him his chicken, Kwan?" "Kwan, read my lips." "Give him his chicken, please." "You see?" "That." "That's the shit right there I'm talking about." "You don't got to scream at Kwan like that." "You don't have to tell me what to do." "You got your chicken." "Now, why don't you get out of my store?" "Oh, right, you got more employees to abuse back there." "I understand completely." "What is with this abuse thing?" "I don't ever recall abusing you, Andy." "What?" "No, in fact, you want to hear something funny?" "Yeah." "I actually liked you." "Oh, for fuck's sakes." "You know, I got a kid in the back." " He reminds me a bit of you." " Oh, yeah?" "Yeah, a real punk, talks a lot of crap." "Hey, good for him." "He sounds awesome." "Awesome?" "That's awesome to you, huh?" "Well, why don't I get him out here?" "Maybe you can tell him what a big success you've become, huh?" "I don't have time for this." "I don't have time for this crap." "Let's go." "Ah, fucking shit." "I got to go back in." " Why?" " I got to go back." "Hey." "Fucking piece of shit." "Donny!" "Donny." "Donny!" "Oh, yeah, okay." "You better fucking stay back there, Donny." "Yeah, you better stay back there." "And-and you tell the punk kid in the back that, yeah, he's better off being a deadbeat than a fucking fascist fast food manager." "And-and I- and you better be nicer to Kwan." "I don't want to hear that you've been mean to Kwan ever again." "Be nice to Kwan!" "So..." "What?" "Feel better?" "That's not true, is it, Andy?" "What?" "About the macaroni salad." "Oh, no, it's" "I may have tried it once or twice." "Oh, Jesus, Andy." "What, Reuben?" "I was 17, okay?" "I didn't have a girlfriend." "Anda  tragedy that both its writers ended up hanging themselves after a argument." "Hey, but you see the fucking look on his face?" "But why did he deserve that?" "I bet you were a crap employee." "Crap employee?" "I-I wouldn't" "I wouldn't be in this situation now, Reuben." "You blame that bloke for your situation." "Come on, Andy." "No, he fucked me up, okay?" "He disillusioned me." "What do you mean he disillusioned you?" "How did he disillusion you?" "Always fucking staring at me and judging me and berating me." "And it's like, you get done with your work, and you just try to relax," "He'll be like, "Hey, Andy, go mop the floors."" "Or, "Andy, go clean the employee washroom." "I just went diarrhea all over the motherfucker."" "And after a while, I started to realize if this is what it is to be in the workforce, then yeah, fucking A, I'm better off being a criminal." "Well, let me ask you this, Andy." "Would you want a dick in your dinner?" "I suppose not." "That's what I thought." "And I-I got to say, as someone who likes to order the occasional meal from a joint like that," "I'm happy to know that there's somebody there to make sure the place is clean, the food's prepared right, and the employees aren't fucking the salads." "Guy was just doing his job, right?" "Yeah, just following orders, right?" "Just-just like you, Reuben, just following orders." "Right, Andy, just like me." "So I'm a bad guy because I gamble too much, but you know what, Reuben?" "I've never fucking hurt anyone." "I've never killed anybody." "That's not why you're a bad guy, Andy." "This isn't even about you gambling too much." "This is about you fucking people over." "You know, when people give a guy chance after chance and he keeps fucking 'em over," "I mean, pretty soon, it seems like that bloke, he just doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything." "You went to school here, right?" "Yeah, here's where it all started to go to shit." "Believe it or not," "I was actually one of the smart kids in grade three." "Oh, what happened in grade four?" "I'll tell you what happened in grade four." "Sherry Lewis started wearing a fucking skirt to school." "And then grade five, the teacher, Mrs. McDougal, looked exactly like Elizabeth Berkley." "Like, I'm supposed to learn fucking math when I got Showgirls happening at the front of the classroom?" "Like, please." "I didn't like school." "I just stared out the window, waiting for recess." "I liked recess all right." "First football." "First smoke." "First goal." "First fight." "First fucking bet." "She's the turquoise one up on the left." "Up next, news and weather." "Bet you any money she's watching the TV." "Onto the topic at hand, which is ex sex." "Have you guys ever?" "Close, very close." "Grandma?" "Hi, there." "My program's over in five minutes, Andy." "I brought you some chicken." "Don't block my view." "All right." "Just put it there." "Have a seat, sweetheart." "I'm not gonna bite." "I'm okay." "Reuben doesn't like smoke, Grandma." "I'll just stand here." "Well, go on then." "Have a look." "Well, I just had my lunch not too long ago." "What is this?" "Is this for everybody?" "No, Reuben and me already ate." "It's just for you." "Well, it's too much." "What do you think I am, an elephant?" "Well, I mean, all right, I'll help you out." "Get your grubby paws out of there if you've already eaten." "Oh, yeah, it's all right." "I'll have some later with my peas." "Here." "Put that in the fridge for your grandma, Andy." "Yeah, sure." "You can keep me company while he's gone." "I just need a glass of water." "Here, come see this." "Jesus." "She live alone?" "Oh, look." "She squeezes all the air out of it so it stays fresh longer." "I mean, it-it lasts for fucking ever." "You want some cream soda?" " No." " No?" "Still got plenty of fizz." "Grandma was right." "Oh, look at this." "Every night, the same thing, five cards." "She-she never wins, but she never loses." "She always breaks even." "The woman has absolutely no luck." "It's uncanny." "She's got no bad luck, no good luck, just even Steven." "And it takes her, like, a whole hour just to do one of these things." "So, like, she'll do a square and go have a coffee and then do another square and have a bit of cake." "What's going on in there?" "Nothing's going on in here." "Stay away from my scratch tickets." "Christ, how many friggin' cats do you have, Grandma?" "Just the ten." "Just the ten?" "Well, I get some of those neighborhood cats coming in through that damn door, though." "What the hell do you need ten cats for?" "Well, they're company." "It's not like I get a lot of visitors here, Andy." "Your friend's awful shy." "Have a seat." "Honestly, I prefer to stand." "Who likes to stand for a visit?" "What do you do at bedtime, stand like a horse while you sleep?" "Hey, Grandma, do you still have that Play-Doh barber shop kit?" "The what?" "Remember?" "The friggin' thing where you crank out the hair." "I don't know." "It's up in the attic there somewhere." "You boys seem a bit old for that." "Well, you can go drag it out if you want." "I don't care." "Nah, it's okay." "It's okay." "Actually, Grandma, do you mind if I turn off the TV a sec?" "Well, that Touched by an Angel is coming on." "It'll be real quick." "I just" "It's kind of important." "I don't have any money to lend you, Andy." "I don't want any money, Grandma." "Okay, fine." "Grandma, I" "I'm sorry that I haven't been here in a while." "And-no, honestly, Grandma." "I-I just" "I wanted you to know how sorry I am for all the things that I've done." "Grandma." "No, 'cause-'cause- no, 'cause honestly," "I've done some bad shit." "I'm so sorry, Grandma." "All right, never mind that." "All right." "You were the only person that was actually ever nice to me." "It's all right." "Oh, fuck, I'm sorry." "Oh, God, I'm sorry." "Hey, Grandma, is- is Miss Manu still alive?" "Yeah?" "Yeah, she's up on my bed." "She's got the diabetes, though." "Do you think it would be okay if I went up and got her?" "She's very fragile, Andy." "No, I'll be careful, I promise." "All right, then go bring her down." "Yeah, all right." "I'll go get her." "I'm just gonna get Miss Manu." "Is he in some kind of trouble?" "Hello, baby." "Who's a baby?" "Are you a baby?" "Who is my little baby, Miss Manu?" "Who's a baby?" "How's my baby?" "Eww, what the fuck happened to your face?" "Are you cleaning your ears now?" "You lived here a long time?" "Oh, Lord, going on 35 years." "It's nice." "Cozy." "Do you mind if I turn the TV back on?" "No, go ahead." "Do you have any programs that you like to watch?" "No, whatever you want to watch." "Oh, shit." "I got to- I'm sorry." "Hey, Andy." "Andy?" "Oh, fuck you, Reuben." "Andy." "Fuck you, Reuben." "All right, you know what?" "You know what?" "You just" "You know what you do?" "Just fucking shoot me then." "Just shoot me, Reuben." "Fuck!" "Oh, God damn it!" "You fucking shot me!" "I just grazed your leg, Andy." "Little flesh wound is all." "Jesus Christ!" "Oh, fucking pussy fart." "This'll stop the bleeding." "You're lucky I'm such a good shot." "Hey, go fuck yourself." "All right, Andy, let's get back to the car." "Oh, fuck you." "Andy." "My grandmother called the police, okay?" "You better get the fuck out of here, Reuben." "We can do this here and now if you want." "I don't really think that'd be fair to your grandmother, though." "Do you?" "I'd hate for her to have to see this." "You fucking bastard." "Come on, now." "God damn it." "I made that jump a dozen times when I was a kid, not so much as a fucking scratch." "Well, your body goes to the shitter the older you get, Andy." "No, I got a fucking curse on me, born in the fucking curse." "If you say so, Andy." "Let's go." "You all right?" "Oh, I'm just fucking dandy, Reuben." "Open up that glove box." "Take one of them yellow ones." "What is it?" "Don't worry about it." "It'll take the edge off." "You got any water?" "Just swallow it." "Don't be a baby." "It'll take a few minutes to kick in." "So I'm gonna assume that you planned your little escape long before you got to your grandmother's place." "I've got to give you your props, Andy." "You handled it nicely." "I mean, not just the weepy bit on Grandma's lap, but all the rest of it, you know, all the details before." "Any of that true?" "You'd think I'd actually steal from my own fucking grandmother, Reuben?" "I mean, I owe her a wee bit of money, but..." "Is there really a Miss Manu?" "Yeah." "She just happened to pass away when I was 11." "Hmm." "So tell me this, Andy:" "if you have the imagination to come up with all that, to plan that far ahead, and to fool a bloke who doesn't get fooled very often, how come you never got your shit together?" "I already told you, Reuben, 'cause I'm too far in the fucking hole, aren't I?" "I-I would have been better off if you just put a fucking bullet in my head an hour ago." "Do you really believe that, Andy?" "You okay, Cleo?" "Reuben, she's been asleep for a very long time." "What the fuck did you give her?" "Same thing I gave you." "Half a dose." "Less than half." "A quarter, okay?" "What does she weigh, like, 12 pounds?" "No, motherfucker, she only weighs nine pounds." " Really?" " Yes!" "Only nine?" "No worries, she'll be all right, Andy." "She'll be fine." "Trust me." "What are you gonna do with her?" "Are you gonna keep her?" "You know, if you were half as nice to people as you are to Cleo, you might not be in this jam, Andy." "Yeah, well," "Cleo doesn't fucking judge me." "The cat doesn't look at me like I'm a hopeless fuck-up." "She doesn't care if I gamble or smoke or whatever." "Cat's too dumb to do any of those things." "No, she's not dumb." "She's easygoing." "Easy like Sunday morning, aren't you, Cleo?" "You know, Andy, when I picked up Cleo," "I snooped around your place a bit, and-and I..." "I found this." "Who is she?" "This girl I knew." "She's pretty." "Yeah, she is." "So instead of dicking around for the last hour, why didn't you look her up?" "'Cause she don't want to see me, Reuben." "Trust me." "You want to call her?" "You sure?" "Suit yourself." "Here." "Take a look in there." "Cake." "Go on, try some." "Somebody took a fucking bite out of it already." "So?" "What, you're gonna worry about germs now?" "Go ahead and try some." "Good?" "No?" "It's nice." "Great, delicious." "A week ago, I never knew chocolate raspberry truffle cake even existed." "I didn't know some genius had figured out a way to make chocolate cake taste even better." "I guess what scares me most about dying is all the stuff I'll never know about, you know?" "I mean, that cake there, that's- that's just a little thing, but what else?" "If you'd died 20 years ago, think of all the stuff you would have missed." "You gonna finish that?" "No, I'm not really hungry." "You still have a few minutes, Andy." "Yeah, I'd maybe like to hear some music if that's okay." "Music?" "What kind?" "Pop, rock, classical, jazz?" "Whatever." "Just hit the search button, see where she lands." "Would go on to be Murphy's only hit." "Reaching number" "Figures." "What?" "It's a nice song." " Nice?" " Yeah." "It's the fucking saddest shit ever, man." "This shit follows me around everywhere I go." "What do you mean, follows you around?" "It's all part of my shit luck." "Oh, come on, Andy." "Are you saying that if a happy song had come on, you'd-you'd no longer believe in luck?" "I'll bet if Chuck E's in Love had come on, you'd say, "Oh, I owe fucking money to Chucky Edge." ""Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck." "I must be cursed."" "I don't owe money to Chucky Edge." "Well, yes, you do, actually." "But the point is, if you keep looking for the same thing, you're gonna wind up with the same thing." "You-you don't fucking get it, do you, Reuben?" "I'm cursed." "I am fucking cursed." "I really am." "No, I got-I got two kinds of luck." "I've got bad luck, and I've got fucking shit luck." "The only good luck I ever had was wasted because of my shit luck." "That is horseshit, Andy." "You can't waste it." "Listen, the guy who just won the lottery, okay?" "He can go back to the same damn store and play the same goddamn numbers and have exactly the same chance of winning as he did the week before." "Random things happen." "Sometimes you benefit;" "sometimes you don't." "That's all luck is, Andy." "You really believe that shit?" "I sure do." "All right, hit the fucking search button again." "Fine." "# I can't live # # if living is without you #" "# I can't live #" "I mean, come on, please." "It's about a guy and his girlfriend." "Jesus." "# If living is without you #" "# I can't give #" "# I can't give anymore #" "# Well, I can't forget this evening # # or your face as you were leaving #" "# But I guess that's just the way the story goes #" "# You always smile # # but in your eyes # # your sorrow shows #" "# Yes, it shows #" "# Can't live # # if living is without you #" "# I can't live #" "# I can't give anymore #" "# I can't live # # if living is- #" "Reuben." "No, Andy." "We still have a minute or two." "Any last requests?" "Oh, jeez, Reuben, you think we could go to Walt Disney World?" "No." "We could talk about it if you want." "Is that a place you have fond memories of, huh?" "Disney World?" "I never went to fucking Disney World." "You wish you had, though, huh?" "Nope, not really." "Okay, so suppose that we could go somewhere." "Where would you go?" "What would you do?" "I've never been anywhere, Reuben." "The only place I'm going now is straight to hell." "You think there's a hell, Andy?" "I sure fucking hope not." "What about heaven?" "What do you think that's like?" "Sometimes I think I'll get up there, and they'll, like, take a look at my file and say," ""Fucking A, Andy, you got a shitty-ass deal." "You got a raw deal. "" "And they'll send me back." "Only this time, I've got, like," "Einstein's brain, and I look like George Clooney, and I-I'd use the Einstein brain to cure fucking AIDS and cancer and use all the Clooney looks to... get a lot of pussy." "But, you know, on the other hand, they might say," ""Well, hey, you were actually one of the lucky ones, you know?"" "And send you back to live in some war-torn third-world slum." "No-yes, you're right." "That's it." "With my luck, I'd get reincarnated as some dirty old bug that fucking eats shit for half a day and dies or, like, one of those fucking retard inbred dogs that can barely breathe, right?" " What?" " What?" "Your constant bad luck bullshit is what." "You know, people have wanted you dead for years, Andy." "Yeah, that's right, years." "I've been making excuses for you for God knows how long." "You remember when you were 13, and you placed all them bets on them college basketball games?" "Yeah, March Madness." "Fucking Xavier beat Georgetown." "March Madness turned into" "April where's our fucking money." "And they sent me out to put a little scare in you." "So I tailed you home after school one day." "You were this little goofball riding a ten-speed bike in the middle of winter." "You had a Walkman on." "You were doing all this dangerous no-hands stuff, weaving in and out of traffic." "And I said to myself," ""You know?" ""I should really do a number on this little nitwit." "Might do him some good. "" "So I" "I pulled up beside you at an intersection." "I rolled down my window." "You didn't even notice me, though, 'cause your Walkman was blaring, and the Stones must have just come on, because you were- you were singing that opening part to You Can't Always Get What You Want," "you know, the really high part with the boys choir?" "You were making a terrible fucking sound, god-awful." "I should have shot you right there just for that." "But, you know, I went soft." "I couldn't hit you." "I just figured you were some dumb kid who made a dumb mistake, and I drove away." "I pretended that you gave me the money, and I-I paid it myself." "What?" "That was you?" "Yeah." "And I..." "I apologize for that, Andy." "I truly regret it." "I mean, if I'd... you know, done my job properly," "I might have turned you around, kept you from turning hard-core." "That's why I've been giving you all these chances." "But, you know, I can only take so much responsibility." "Right?" "I mean, you're the guy who kept pissing away chance after chance." "You know, you're the guy that owes us 68 grand." "I-I understand." "I understand." "But I swear to God, Reuben." "I swear to God, I think if I had one more chance" "One more chance to do what?" "Buy another lottery ticket?" "Bet on another game?" "No, I-I" "Reuben." "Andy, please don't." "What do you want me to do, Andy, call him and say, "Change of plans;" "Andy doesn't feel like dying today"?" "Hmm?" "It's too late, Andy." "I'm sorry." "Not too late." "It's not too late." "Reuben, I can disappear." "Okay, fine, disappear." "But your head's not gonna be attached to your body." "Yeah, that's what happens when you call a bloke you owe money "Mr. Funny Mouth."" "Reuben." "Andy, stop." "Now, I thought we had something real going here, finally." "Reuben." "No, Andy." "Reuben, please." "No." "Let's go." "Please." " Don't." " Come on." "No." "Andy, move your ass." "No!" "No!" "Fuck you, Reuben!" "Fuck you!" "You fucking shoot me right here in your fucking piece of shit car, Reuben!" "Shoot me right in here." "Fuck you!" "Come on, Andy." "I'm supposed to get a last one of these." "Andy." "Open the door." "I'm supposed to get one last smoke." "Open the door, Andy." "You all right?" "Top of the fucking world, Reuben." "Okay." "Reuben." "No, Andy." "Reuben, I-I just" "No, Andy." "Just listen to me." "Andy." "Listen, I really just want to enjoy the scenery." "I suggest you do the same." "I-I-listen." "No, Andy." "Reuben." " Reuben." " Andy." "Reuben, I'm begging you." "Listen to me." "The next sound you make will be your last." "Don't even do that, Andy." "This is it." "Next fucking sound, next fucking move, it's all over." "Take one last look at this world, mate." "Are you ready, Andy?" "I have one last thing I want to tell you." "Reuben." "Don't fucking interrupt me." "You want to talk about bad luck?" "Fucking up your life, making stupid bets, stupid choices, that's not bad luck." "That's just stupid." "I'll tell you what bad luck is, Andy." "Bad luck is finding out that thing you thought was an ulcer is really a fucking tumor." "Bad luck is realizing that you haven't done shit with your life." "Bad luck is realizing what's really important when it's too fucking late!" "Unfortunately, it's too late for some of us, Andy." "# I can make you scared # # if you want me to #" "# I'm not prepared # # but if I have to #" "# I said I can make you scared #" "# It's kind of what I do #" "# If you're prepared # # here's what I propose to do #" "# You're in Russia # # and more than a million works of art # # are whisked out to the woods #" "# So when the Nazis find the whole place dark # # they think God's left the museum for good #" "# Make you scared # # 'cause that's what I do #" "# If you're prepared # # if I have to #" "# If I make you scared # # and you pay me to # # then that's the deal #" "# Now here's what I can do for you #" "# Now there's a focus group # # that can prove # # this is all nothing but cold calculation #" "# Tests have shown # # that suspicious or hostile # # their lives need not be shortened # # truth be told # # they can live a long, long while # # tickled to death by their importance #" "# If you make me scared # # if that's what you do # # if I'm unclear # # can I get out of this thing with me and you #" "# And if you feel scared # # a bit confused #" "# I got to say # # this sounds a little beyond anything I'm used to #" "# Now there's a precious few # # that can prove that at the root #" "# This is all nothing but cold calculation #" "# Clearly entranced # # you're leaning back now #" "# Defanged destroyer limps into the bay #" "# Down at the beach # # it's attracting quite a crowd # # as kids wade through blood out to it to play #" "# Okay you made me scared #" "# You did what you set out to do #" "# I'm not prepared # # you really had me going there for a minute or two #" "# He said, you made me scared too #" "# I wasn't sure I was getting through #" "# I got to go # # it's been a pleasure doing business with you #" "Subtitles by LeapinLar"