"(SNORTING)" "NARRATOR:" "This is a tale about an unprejudiced heart and how it changed our valley forever." "There was a time not so long ago when pigs were afforded no respect except by other pigs." "They lived their whole lives in a cruel and sunless world." "In those days, pigs believed that the sooner they grew large and fat, the sooner they'd be taken into pig paradise." "(EXCLAIMING) Get up!" "NARRATOR:" "A place so wonderful, that no pig had ever thought to come back." "MAN:" "Yeah!" "Good-bye, Mom." "NARRATOR:" "So when the day came for their parents to go to that other world of endless pleasures, it was not a time for young pigs to be sad, just another step towards the day when they, too, would make the journey." "(SOBBING)" "Perhaps it was because he was alone." "Perhaps his sadness made him easier to catch." "Whatever the reason, of the thousands of animals in the piggery that day, only one was chosen." "MAN:" "How's this one, Harry?" "HARRY:" "Just right for the purpose." "How much do I owe you?" "It's a runt, Harry." "Just a worthless, little runt." "(MAN CHUCKLING) (PIG SQUEALING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(AUCTIONEER CHATTERING)" "(CHUCKLING) You're too modest, Esme Hoggett." "Nine out of 10 first prizes for jams and jellies is more than a matter of luck." "Well, luck still plays its part." "Our berries were wickedly good this year, and our water is very tasty, too." "Of course, we don't use the town water." "(PIG SQUEALING)" "Arthur Hoggett!" "Hey, how's it going there, Arthur?" "How are those sheep of yours?" "Come on, try your luck." "How about taking a guess here, Arthur?" "All for a good cause." "Don't keep pigs." "Oh, Christmas day." "Think of it." "What a feast!" "HOGGETT:" "That'll do, Pig." "NARRATOR:" "The pig and the farmer regarded each other and for a fleeting moment, something passed between them." "A faint sense of some common destiny." "MAN:" "Huh." "Strange." "First time the little thing hasn't screamed its head off." "Now you'll have to have a guess." "16 pounds, 5... (URINATING)" "Ew." "(GRUNTS)" "2 ounces." "MRS. HOGGETT:" "Hoggett!" "Hoggett!" "Thanks, Arthur." "We'll be weighing the little pig tomorrow." "We'll phone you if you win." "When you win, Arthur!" "When you win!" "(LAUGHING)" "Care to guess the pig's weight, sir?" "Support the Lions Club." "(CLOCK TICKING)" "(HUFFS)" "Oh!" "(CHUCKLES)" "What could we do with a pig, eh, Duchess?" "Just think:" "Two nice hams, two sides of bacon, oooh, and pork chops, kidney, liver, chitlins, pickle his feet, save his blood for black pudding." "(PHONE RINGS)" "There's the telephone." "Hoggett!" "MAN:" "Good news, Arthur." "You've won the pig." "Oh." "(MOUSE READING)" "(MICE GIGGLING)" "Oh, oh, oh, oh." "PUPPY:" "What is it, Mom?" "That's a pig." "They'll eat him when he's big." "Will they eat us when we're big enough?" "Good heavens, no!" "The bosses only eat stupid animals like sheep and ducks and chickens." "(PUPPIES BARKING)" "(PUPPIES CHEERING)" "It does look stupid, Mom." "FLY:" "Not as stupid as sheep, mind you, but pigs are definitely stupid." "(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me." "No, we're not." "Good heavens!" "Who are you?" "I'm a Large White." "Yes, that's your breed, dear." "What's your name?" "I don't know." "Well, what did your mother call you to tell you apart from your brothers and sisters?" "Our mom called us all the same." "And what was that, dear?" "She called us all Babe." "Perhaps we shouldn't talk too much about family." "(CRYING)" "I want my mom." "(PUPPIES WHIMPERING)" "There, there." "You've got to be a brave boy now." "I left my mother when I was your age, and my pups will have to leave me soon, but I'll keep an eye on you, if you like, just till you find your feet." "The little pig's a bit low." "He's going to sleep with us just till he finds his feet." "(SNARLS)" "Until he finds his feet." "But, Mom, he'll wet the bed!" "Nonsense!" "If you do want to do anything, you'll go outside, won't you?" "(SNIFFLING)" "Good boy." "(PUPPIES CHEERING)" "PUPPY:" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Stomp on him!" "Stomp on him!" "Stomp on him!" "What's your name, Pig?" "What does he taste like?" "Where did he come from?" "(CLUCKING)" "Coming through!" "Hey, get lost!" "(CLUCKING)" "(CROWING)" "(CLUCKS IN SHOCK)" "We've got to do something about that duck." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Doodle-loo-dee-doo." "What's that noise?" "It's only Ferdinand." "What's Ferdinand?" "He's a duck." "He wants to be a rooster." "He hates being a duck." "We'll catch him one day and eat him." "Won't we, Mom?" "Yes, dear." "PUPPY:" "Yech!" "Who'd want to eat a duck?" "(WHISTLES)" "(YIPPING)" "Babe, you wait here." "Aren't pigs allowed?" "Not live ones." "Sorry, dear." "Only dogs and cats inside the house." "Why?" "That's just the way things are." "(DUCHESS PURRING)" "(BABE GRUNTS)" "(SCREECHING)" "(BARKING)" "Whoa!" "(BABE GROANING)" "Ow!" "MRS. HOGGETT:" "Pig, pig, pig, piggy!" "What a spectacular feast I've got for you." "Yes!" "What a lucky little pork chop you are." "Delicious!" "Oh, yes!" "Yum, yum, yum." "Who's gonna grow up to be a big, fat pig?" "You are!" "You are!" "Yum, yum, yum." "BABE:" "Where are we going?" "PUPPY:" "To work with the sheep." "What's sheep?" "Sheep is animals with thick, woolly coats." "And thick, woolly heads." "And men can't look after them without us." "Why do they need us?" "'Cause we're sheepdogs!" "Yeah!" "PUPPIES:" "'Cause we're sheepdogs!" "Not you, dear." "Why not?" "We have to do dogs' work." "You're a pig." "Your job is to stay here and eat your food." "We'll be back at the end of the day." "MAA:" "They don't think I'll remember." "Well, I don't forget." "Seems like a sheep's just born to suffer." "Hello?" "Excuse me." "(COUGHING)" "Darn wolf!" "I'm not a wolf." "I'm a pig." "What are you?" "Ewe." "(ENUNCIATING) Pig." "What are you?" "I'm a ewe." "A ewe!" "You're a sheep!" "I'll not be called a common sheep, thank you kindly." "I'm a Border Leicester ewe." "The name's Maa." "(COUGHING)" "Oh." "What's wrong with you, Maa?" "Foot rot and I got me a nasty cough, and I'm not as young as I used to be." "(COUGHING)" "(MAA BLEATING)" "(BABE GRUNTING)" "Hmph." "(HUMMING)" "Seem like a nice young pig." "What be your name?" "Babe." "Not like them wolves." "Treat you like dirt, they do!" "Bite you as soon as look at you, those savages!" "Bite you?" "And worse." "Some wolves be so bad, they run a sheep down and tear it to pieces." "(COUGHING)" "Fly would never do that!" "Fly, is it?" "A right vicious creature she be, I'll tell you." "Not Fly." "All them wolves is cruel to sheep." "Always have been." "Brutal savages!" "That's what they be." "I wouldn't want to see a gentle soul like you mixing with the likes of them, young 'un." "(CONTINUES COUGHING)" "NARRATOR:" "That afternoon when he saw Fly, the pig's mind was a tangle of questions." "Cruel, vicious, brutal?" "What was it that dogs did in the fields all day?" "Hello, Babe." "Had a good day?" "Yes, thank you." "(GIGGLING)" "NARRATOR:" "The old sheep had to be wrong about Fly, and the pig promised himself that he would never think badly of any creature ever again." "(MICE READING)" "(LAUGHING)" "NARRATOR:" "The morning of the terrible crime started like any other on Hoggett Farm." "Coming through!" "Coming through!" "(CLUCKING) Take off!" "(CHUCKLING)" "Now!" "Up, up, up." "(CLUCKING)" "(CROWING)" "(ALARM RINGING) (GASPING)" "I was worried it might have a harsh tone, but that's quite a nice musical ring, don't you think?" "I walked into O'Halloran's Hardware, and there it was waiting for me." "What a splendid way to wake up each morning!" "Hoggett, dear." "Church." "NARRATOR:" "When embarking on an audacious crime, a duck needs a willing accomplice." "A creature who is reliable, beyond suspicion and above all, extremely gullible." "Hey!" "Psst!" "What?" "You look like an intelligent, sophisticated, discerning young fella." "Who, me?" "Yeah." "Follow me." "Oh, boy!" "Are you in for some fun!" "BABE:" "What are we doing?" "Where are we going?" "NARRATOR:" "Now the duck knew exactly what he had to do." "The alarm clock had to go." "His very life depended on it." "FERDINAND:" "Do you see it?" "Yes." "Good." "BABE:" "So I go through the kitchen, across the living room." "FERDINAND:" "Good, good." "Yeah." "BABE:" "Into the bedroom." "Get the mechanical rooster and bring it out to you." "What about that cat?" "But quietly bring it out to you." "Excellent." "BABE:" "I don't think I can do it." "It's against the rules." "Only dogs and cats allowed in the house." "I like that rule." "It's a good rule, but this is bigger than rules." "This is life and death." "It is?" "Follow me." "Hello!" "Look, there's something you should know." "Yes?" "Humans eat ducks!" "(GASPS)" "I beg your pardon?" "Most ducks prefer to forget it, but the fact is, that humans like to eat plump, attractive ducks." "Oh, I don't think so." "Not the boss." "Not the boss's wife." "Oh, come on." "Humans don't eat cats." "Why?" "Well, they're..." "They're indispensable." "They catch mice." "Humans don't eat roosters." "Why?" "They make eggs with the hens and wake everyone up in the morning." "I tried it with the hens, it didn't work." "So I turned to crowing and lo!" "I discover my gift." "But no sooner do I become indispensable, then they bring in a machine to do the job!" "(MOANING) The treachery of it!" "A mechanical rooster!" "Oh, dear me." "Oh, dear you?" "(SIGHING)" "I suppose the life of an anorexic duck doesn't amount to much in the broad scheme of things." "But, Pig, I'm all I've got." "Why do you need me to do it?" "(GROANING) I'm allergic to cats." "Oh." "They make me sneeze." "Ah." "Don't worry." "I won't wake the cat." "My life is in your hands." "Oh, dear." "(GRUNTING)" "Oh, no!" "(DOOR SQUEAKING)" "(SNIFFING)" "(PURRING)" "Ah, boy." "(SPOON CLATTERS)" "(GROWLS QUIETLY)" "(MUFFLED QUACKING) No, no, no!" "No, no, no!" "(TAPPING)" "Your foot, your foot!" "Take the string off your foot." "Wait, wait." "Let me put it this way." "Stop." "Turn around... (SHUSHING)" "No, no, no!" "The other way!" "Turn!" "(CREAKING)" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop, stop, stop!" "Go outside now." "But you said you can't do without me." "I can, I can, I can." "Trust me, I can." "Are you sure?" "You're positive?" "Yes!" "Go outside and stand guard." "Okay." "Good idea." "(GROANING)" "Oh, boy." "Want something done, you gotta do it yourself." "(TICKING)" "Hmm." "Guard against what?" "(EXCLAIMING) Nothing." "Don't worry." "Stick with me and, please, I beg you, not one more word." "All right." "(TICKING)" "(GULPS)" "Ah!" "Don't sneeze, Ferdie." "Just hold your breath." "(SHOUTS)" "(ALARM RINGING)" "(DUCHESS SCREECHING)" "(CLATTERING)" "(FERDINAND SNEEZING)" "(HUMMING)" "(MEOWS)" "(GASPING)" "REX:" "It was my mistake." "I was trying to loosen things up a little." "But, no." "Today proves that it doesn't work." "From now on, we'll all respect the rules." "To each creature its own destiny and every animal in its proper place." "And a pig's proper place is under the old cart, not in the barn and absolutely never in the house." "Is that understood?" "Yes, sir." "Now, Pig, regarding the company you keep." "Being young, it's hard to discriminate, so I'll make it easy for you." "I forbid you to talk to or consort with that duck ever." "Do I make myself clear?" "What's consort?" "It means, young man, that you must not go anywhere near that duck." "And as for the fugitive duck, when he shows himself, let him know this, being a duck he must behave like a duck." "No more of this crowing and nonsense." "He should accept what he is and be thankful for it." "That goes for all of us." "Here, here!" "NARRATOR:" "Rex continued long into the night." "Elsewhere, there was more talk." "The subject was Christmas dinner and whether that year the main course would be roast pork or Duck a I'Orange." "And pork is a nice, sweet meat." "Then there's the crackling." "That always adds interest and texture." "PUPPIES:" "Get him!" "(CHEERING)" "Get the pig!" "Get the pig!" "Get the pig!" "Get him!" "Get him!" "(WHIMPERING)" "FERDINAND:" "Psst!" "Ferdinand!" "Everyone's been looking for you." "(SHUSHING)" "What is this place?" "What's happening out there?" "Well, Rex isn't very happy." "Boy, all these new rules!" "See, I'm not allowed to..." "Oops!" "Not allowed to what?" "(MUMBLING) Huh?" "(CONTINUES MUMBLING)" "(STAMMERING) What?" "MRS. HOGGETT:" "Pig, pig, pig, pig, piggy!" "You didn't see me, all right?" "And I didn't see you." "All right?" "Oops." "(SINGING)" "NARRATOR:" "The time comes for all creatures when childhood ends and the doorway opens to life as an adult." "And so it was with Fly's pups." "Though that time was all too soon for Fly." "Puppy, puppy, puppy." "Come on." "(GIGGLING)" "In my pocket." "(WHIMPERING)" "(CHATTERING)" "Fly?" "May I call you Mom?" "NARRATOR:" "And so it was that the pig found his place in the world of the farm." "And he was happy, even in his dreams." "(CAR HONKING)" "(DOGS BARKING)" "Hello!" "Folks, how are you?" "Merry Christmas!" "Merry Christmas!" "Merry Christmas!" "(SCREAMS)" "MRS. HOGGETT:" "How's my favorite girl?" "Nanny's got a jellybean." "Give us a kiss." "Guess what we're having for Christmas dinner?" "Roast pork." "GIRL:" "I hate pork." "MAA:" "Darn silly carry-on, if you ask me." "HORSE:" "The cat says they call it Christmas." "Christmas!" "Christmas dinner, yeah." "Dinner means death." "Death means carnage!" "Christmas means carnage!" "Christmas means carnage!" "Oh." "(GIGGLING)" "Yes." "Wait." "Eating pigs!" "(BLEATING) Barbarians!" "You're going back to the fields, Maa." "Young 'un, tragic there ain't more of your kind." "I'll be thinking of you always." "I could come and visit you, Maa." "I'd like that, but..." "(CLEARING THROAT)" "Well, we shouldn't hope for too much." "(BLEATING)" "(SINGING CHRISTMAS CAROL)" "NARRATOR:" "And so, it was Christmas Eve, and time had run out for the pig." "Are you doing him tonight, then?" "Mmm." "Good." "The blood will drain by morning." "Pity." "What's that?" "Nothing." "What on earth are you babbling on about?" "Shame to miss out on the best ham prize at next year's fair, is all." "Nice plump haunches he's getting." "Beautiful." "Still..." "Silly to wait, I suppose." "(HOGGETT FAMILY CAROLING)" "(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)" "(FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE)" "(QUACKING)" "(KNIFE THUMPING)" "(CAROLING CONTINUES)" "MRS. HOGGETT:" "Here it is!" "MAN:" "The bird." "Yuck." "Chicken?" "No, it's Duck a I'Orange." "And, Mother, it looks absolutely superb." "GIRL:" "I'm not going to eat any of it!" "WOMAN:" "Oh, this is fabulous." "Ferdinand!" "If you're out here, who's that in there?" "Her name's Rosanna." "Why Rosanna?" "She had such a beautiful nature." "Oh, Ferdinand." "I can't take it anymore." "Really!" "The fear's too much for a duck." "It eats away at the soul." "There must be kinder dispositions in far-off gentler lands." "The only way you'll find happiness is to accept that the way things are is the way things are." "The way things are stinks!" "I'm not gonna be a goner." "I'm gone." "I wish all of you the best of luck." "(PANTING) Where will you go?" "No idea." "But I'm a clever duck." "I could do with an adventure." "I'll miss you, Ferdie." "Ferdie?" "No one's ever called me that before." "Hey, good luck, Pig." "I am out of here." "Bye-bye." "(GROANING) Ow!" "And would you do me a favor, Pig?" "Anything." "Open the gate, huh?" "(LAUGHING) Whoa!" "(SHEEP BLEATING EXCITEDLY)" "NARRATOR:" "The pig knew it was against the rules to leave the farm, but something was definitely wrong." "How lovely, darling." "What is it?" "It's a fax machine, Mother." "You can send us letters by phone." "Hmm." "Oh." "NARRATOR:" "At any other time, the pig would've been tickled pink by his first visit to the sheep fields, but now there was fear in the air." "Maa and her kind were under threat." "(BARKING)" "Hey, Frank, feel like pork for dinner tonight?" "Young 'un, you're alive!" "Maa!" "What's happening?" "Who are these men?" "I'll get him out." "Come around, Sniff!" "(WHISTLES)" "Where's our boss?" "It doesn't seem right." "(SQUEALING)" "(CRYING)" "What's wrong, dear?" "It's the wrong one!" "I want the house I saw on the television!" "Oh, there, there." "(SQUEALING)" "(BARKING)" "Get!" "Quick!" "Get the dog in." "(WHISTLES)" "Round up the sheep!" "Come on!" "Let's go!" "(BARKING)" "(SIGHS)" "Good dog." "Good pig." "Hmm." "ALL:" "Oh!" "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "Hey, hey." "Dad says his little porker's a watch pig." "Dearie me!" "If it's not a duck that thinks it's a rooster, it's a pig that thinks it's a dog!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "A pig that thinks it's a dog!" "(MICE SINGING)" "(MICE READING)" "(MICE LAUGHING)" "MRS. HOGGETT:" "...a washing machine, a radio, a new alarm clock." "I think it's a lovely fax machine, darling, but can't you use it?" "We already have one, Mom." "That's the whole idea." "We can send faxes to each other." "Now, don't be afraid of it just because it's new." "These accounts are a real worry, Arthur." "Every month your expenditure is greater than your income." "It's eating up your reserves the whole time." "You need to modernize, get some sort of cash flow going." "You're still using a horse and cart, for God's sakes." "Dad?" "Funny, that." "What?" "HOGGETT:" "Those chickens, that pig." "What's the pig got to do with anything?" "Nothing." "Just look at them." "The browns and the whites." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "(CLANGING SOFTLY)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Come, Rex." "Come, Fly." "Come, Pig." "Come, Pig!" "(GROANS)" "FLY:" "Perhaps he's pleased with you for what you did yesterday." "BABE:" "I didn't do much." "If it wasn't for you, dear, they could've stolen the whole flock." "Is Rex unhappy with me?" "Oh." "He'll be all right, dear." "Just stay out of his way today." "Way to be, Fly." "Rex, come by." "(WHISTLES)" "That'll do." "You're so quick." "I'd never be able to fly like you can." "Pigs aren't built to fly, dear, but speed isn't the thing, it's attitude." "They just have to know who's boss." "Out you go." "(BLEATING)" "(CRUNCHING) Mmm." "(WHIMPERING)" "Get them up, Pig." "He wants you to drive them out of the yard." "Away to me, Pig." "Remember, you have to dominate them." "Do that and they'll do anything you want." "Go." "Go." "(MIMICS BARKING)" "(SHEEP LAUGHING)" "(CONTINUE LAUGHING)" "This is ridiculous, Mom." "Nonsense." "It's only your first try." "But you're treating them like equals." "They're sheep." "They're inferior." "Oh!" "No, they're not." "Of course they are!" "We are their masters, Babe." "Let them doubt it for a second and they'll walk all over you." "Fly, get that pig out of there." "Make them feel inferior." "Abuse them." "Insult them." "Fly!" "BABE:" "But they'll laugh at me." "Then bite them." "Be ruthless." "Whatever it takes." "Bend them to your will." "Enough!" "Go on!" "Go!" "BABE:" "Move along there, you..." "You big butt heads!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "(GROWLING)" "Ow!" "Young 'un, stop this nonsense." "What's got into you all of a sudden?" "I just got finished telling what a nice young pig you be." "Maa, I was just trying to be a sheepdog." "(SCOFFS) Enough wolves in the world already without a nice lad like you turning nasty." "You haven't got it in you, young 'un." "(GRUNTING)" "You and I are descended from the great sheepdogs." "We carry the bloodline of the ancient Bahou." "We stand for something." "And today I watched in shame as all that was betrayed." "Rex, dear, he's just a little pig." "All the greater the insult." "I'm sorry I bit you." "Are you all right?" "I wouldn't call that a bite, myself." "You got teeth in that floppy mouth of yours or just gums?" "(LAUGHING)" "You see, ladies, a heart of gold." "ALL:" "Heart of gold." "No need for all this wolf nonsense, young 'un." "All a nice little pig like you need do is ask." "(WHIMPERS)" "(BARKING)" "Thanks very much." "It was very kind of you." "A pleasure." "What a nice little pig!" "FLY:" "All right, how did you do it?" "BABE:" "I asked them and they did it." "I just asked them nicely." "We don't ask sheep, dear." "We tell them what to do." "But I did, Mom." "They were really friendly." "Maybe Rex might be a little more friendly if I had a talk with him." "No, no, no." "I think you better leave that to me." "Rex?" "I know it was hard for you today watching all that happening, but surely it's not worth all this misery." "Please, dear, not on such a beautiful night." "You put these ideas into his head!" "Two-faced traitorous... (DOGS SNARLING)" "(GROWLING)" "Get down!" "Down, Rex." "Fly!" "Rex!" "(WHIMPERS)" "NARRATOR:" "A dark cloud had descended on the valley, and the pig felt that the troubles were all his fault." "But he was certain that he knew how to put things right again." "(STAMMERING) Excuse me, sir." "But I think all this trouble... (SNARLING)" "(SQUEALING)" "VET:" "Well, it's not distemper." "Can't be rabies." "Must be the hormones." "What about Hoggett's notion, the dog being jealous of the wee pig?" "I don't see that myself." "MRS. HOGGETT:" "No." "So what should we do?" "Well, you can keep him locked up or snip, snip." "I can do it Tuesday." "No." "Or Wednesday." "Hoggett doesn't want the dog operated on." "He's a breeding dog." "Well, now, I can sedate him, of course, but he'll be useless as a working dog." "(GROANS)" "VET:" "I'll give you some pills to put in his food." "HOGGETT:" "Good dog." "(MICE READING)" "(BLEATING)" "(SIGHS)" "(OINKS)" "NARRATOR:" "A pig doing the work of a sheepdog?" "With Rex out of action and Fly injured from the fight," "Farmer Hoggett had no choice." "Maa!" "Maa!" "The boss has to give you some medicine." "Oh, dear, I thought so!" "It's horrible stuff, that." "I know, but it's for the best." "Oh, our young 'un, if you say so." "Shoo!" "Shoo!" "NARRATOR:" "When the thought first came to him," "Farmer Hoggett dismissed it as mere whimsy, but like most of his harebrained ideas, it wouldn't go away." "BABE:" "What are they doing?" "FLY:" "It's a sheepdog trial." "BABE:" "So it's like a competition for sheepdogs?" "FLY:" "And their bosses." "It's like an obstacle course." "How do they decide who wins?" "Well, it's time and mistakes." "You get points for how quick you are and they take points off for every mistake." "Every time a sheep goes the wrong way, that's a mistake and you lose points." "Looks like fun!" "(LAUGHS) For a sheepdog, there's no prouder moment." "You know, Rex and I used to..." "Never mind." "BABE:" "Was Rex a champion?" "FLY:" "He had the makings of the greatest champion there ever was, but it wasn't to be." "What happened?" "A while back when Rex was in his prime, the winter rains brought a great flood to the valley." "Rex and the boss got most of the flock onto the high ground." "Then Rex went back to look for the strays." "He found them." "They'd been stranded by the rising water." "He tried to herd them across to safety, but they wouldn't budge." "Too afraid and too stupid to save their own skins." "It was freezing cold and the water kept rising." "Rex stayed with them right through the night." "By morning, the sheep were drowned." "And when they found Rex, he was barely alive." "BABE:" "Oh, Mom!" "FLY:" "Two weeks rest in front of the fire saw him back on his feet, but his hearing was never the same again." "He'd never want anyone to know, but he's almost totally deaf." "Is that why he's so, you know, angry?" "That's not the half of it." "All this was barely a month before the Grand National Challenge." "He tried his best, but he couldn't hear the boss's calls, and it slowed him up." "The cold truth is that, but for the stupidity of sheep," "Rex would've been the champion of champions." "HOGGETT:" "Good dog." "(MOUSE SQUEAKING)" "(HAMMERING)" "HOGGETT:" "That's it, all right." "Good." "Here we go." "All right." "Now, through here like this." "And then, big hook to the left." "Big hook." "Big hook." "Through this gate here." "NARRATOR:" "It was at that time that Mrs. Hoggett began to worry about her husband." "But Farmer Hoggett knew that little ideas that tickled and nagged and refused to go away should never be ignored for in them lie the seeds of destiny." "Close the gate like that, and you're done." "(READING)" "Mom." "Mom!" "Mom!" "Can we start work early today?" "Oh, dear, it's not even dawn yet." "You can go to work when the rooster crows." "Go back to sleep." "(SIGHS)" "(CLEARING THROAT)" "Excuse me." "Hello, sir." "Excuse me, but it's nearly dawn and... (MUMBLING)" "What?" "Sorry to disturb you, but it's nearly dawn, and I wondered if you'd mind crowing just a few minutes early this morning." "Get out of here!" "But, well, see I..." "Get lost!" "Okay." "Whoa!" "(GROANS)" "(BLEATING)" "(BARKING)" "(MAA BLEATING)" "(MAA GROANING)" "NARRATOR:" "Now the pig understood why the sheep called all dogs wolves." "And he was filled with a deep and terrible rage." "(WHIMPERING)" "(BARKING)" "(MAA GROANING)" "Maa!" "Maa!" "Are you all right?" "Hello, young 'un." "Oh, Maa, can you get up?" "I don't reckon." "It's over, Maa." "The wolves have gone far away." "I'll get the boss up here to look after you." "You'll be all right." "You'll be all right!" "(CRYING) Oh, Maa!" "Maa!" "Maa!" "Maa!" "ALL:" "Maa!" "Maa!" "Maa!" "(GRUNTING)" "(SIGHING)" "Home, Pig." "NARRATOR:" "Fly knew that there was only one fate for any creature that took the life of a sheep on Hoggett Farm." "But Fly could never believe that Babe was a sheep killer, so she remained in the field to do something she'd never done before, talk to the sheep." "Tell me." "Who killed the old one?" "ALL:" "Wolf!" "Wolf." "Is that the only words you half-wits know?" "ALL:" "Wolf!" "Are you saying it was a dog?" "Babe!" "Where's Babe?" "Was it wolf or Babe?" "SHEEP:" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Where's Babe!" "ALL:" "Wolf!" "NARRATOR:" "Farmer Hoggett was carrying something in the crook of one arm." "A kind of black, shiny tube." "Come, Pig." "NARRATOR:" "The pig had a vague memory that shiny tubes produced food and guessed that some quite unexpected surprise would come out of the two small round mouths." "Babe!" "Wolf!" "Babe!" "Wolf!" "Quiet!" "NARRATOR:" "Fly decided to speak very slowly, for it was a cold fact of nature that sheep were stupid, and no one would ever persuade her otherwise." "Please, please would you be so kind as to tell me what happened?" "Quiet!" "Please, tell me what happened this morning." "NARRATOR:" "The sheep spoke very slowly for it was a cold fact of nature that wolves were ignorant, and nothing would convince them otherwise." "Babe came!" "He saved us!" "The wolves killed Maa." "But Babe drove the wolves away!" "Thank you!" "Thank you!" "Thank you all very much!" "Pleasure talking to you." "(BARKING)" "(FLY BARKING)" "MRS. HOGGETT:" "Hoggett!" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Arthur!" "(BARKING)" "Oh, there you are!" "Well, what do you think?" "That was the police on the telephone." "Said there are wild dogs about." "Apparently the Mitchells lost six lambs this morning." "What on earth are you doing with that gun?" "Oh..." "Nothing." "(SIGHS)" "(MICE READING)" "MRS. HOGGETT:" "Now, it's all very simple." "Just half an hour at 350 degrees." "I've given you rabbit casserole for Friday." "Now, for Duchess, it's liver in the morning, heart for the evening." "Except for Fridays, when it's steak in the morning and cooked liver at night." "Warm it up in a frying pan for a bit, but test it before you give it to her because she bites into it before she knows what's what, the silly darling." "That'll be the bus." "Oh!" "Bye-bye." "Have a good time." "Bye." "Hello, everyone!" "Oh, dearie me, Valda." "I know I have to be at the National Conference." "I am the Assistant General Secretary of the Northeast Region after all, but I do worry about leaving that man alone." "Still acting a bit strange?" "Just silly things." "Odd little things only a wife would notice." "Still, I suppose he can't get up to too much mischief in just three days, can he?" "Of course not." "(WHISTLES)" "HOGGETT:" "Go on." "Go on!" "(MEOWS)" "Oh." "Good evening." "Shame about the weather." "(HISSES)" "Nasty cough!" "(CHUCKLES)" "NARRATOR:" "It had been a long time since Arthur Hoggett had had an animal in whose abilities he had so much faith." "And with the National Grand Challenge Sheepdog Trials only two days away, he wasn't going to let the fact that his animal was a pig deter him." "He had been worried, for he was a truthful man, that the heading might say "Name of dog,"" "and then whatever he put would be a lie." "But as it happened, luck, for the moment, was running with him." "It's all right, really!" "I'm just, well... (HISSES) Bless you." "(DUCHESS SCREECHING)" "(GRUNTING)" "(MEOWS)" "(MEOWING)" "FERDINAND: (EXCLAIMING) Whoa!" "Oh, no." "So, what's happening?" "COW:" "Oh, no." "Shh." "Easy, easy, easy." "Good pig." "Good pig." "Hold still." "Hold still." "Hold still." "Huh?" "(LAUGHING)" "NARRATOR:" "There are many perfectly nice cats in the world, but every barrel has its bad apples." "And it is well to heed the old adage," ""Beware the bad cat bearing a grudge."" "(THUNDERCLAP)" "(OPERATIC SONG ON TV)" "(THUNDERCLAP)" "How are you feeling?" "A bit tired." "You'll need a good sleep to put you in top condition tomorrow." "Don't stay up too late." "Good night." "(YAWNING)" "Good night, Mom." "Do forgive me for scratching you, dear." "I got a bit carried away." "It's a cat thing." "Oh." "Well..." "Feeling good about tomorrow, are you?" "Mmm-hmm." "It should be all right, I think." "Look, I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm not sure if you realize how much the other animals are laughing at you for this sheepdog business." "Why would they do that?" "Well, they say that you've forgotten that you're a pig." "(GIGGLING) Isn't that silly?" "They even say that you don't know what pigs are for." "What do you mean "what pigs are for"?" "You know, why pigs are here." "Why are any of us here?" "Well, the cow's here to be milked, the dogs are here to help the boss's husband with the sheep and I'm here to be beautiful and affectionate to the boss." "Yes?" "(SIGHS)" "The fact is that pigs don't have a purpose." "Just like ducks don't have a purpose." "I don't..." "All right, for your own sake, I'll be blunt." "Why do the bosses keep ducks?" "To eat them." "So why do the bosses keep a pig?" "The fact is that animals that don't seem to have a purpose really do have a purpose." "The bosses have to eat." "It's probably the most noble purpose of all, when you come to think about it." "They eat pigs?" "Pork, they call it." "Or bacon." "They only call them pigs when they're alive." "But I'm a sheep-pig!" "(CHUCKLES)" "The boss's husband's just playing a little game with you." "Believe me, sooner or later, every pig gets eaten." "That's the way the world works." "Oh!" "I haven't upset you, have I?" "(CHUCKLES)" "(WHIMPERS)" "Mom?" "Mom!" "Good heavens." "What on earth are you doing out in the rain in the middle of the night?" "You should be looking after yourself with such a big day ahead of you." "Are pigs for eating?" "(GASPS) Who told you that?" "The cat told me." "Pigs don't have a purpose except to be eaten by humans." "Is it true?" "It's true." "For many pigs, it's true." "So my mother and my father and my brothers and my sisters all..." "Probably, dear." "Do you want to talk about it?" "No, it's all right." "I understand." "I'll be all right." "Even the boss?" "Yes, dear." "(BABE SIGHS)" "(FERDINAND QUACKING)" "(SQUAWKING)" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Babe?" "Babe!" "FLY:" "Babe!" "Babe!" "Babe's run away." "Rex?" "Please?" "Call the boss." "(BARKING)" "(BARKS)" "(QUIVERING)" "He's over here." "Hold on, Pig, you'll be home soon." "(QUIVERING)" "He's got a cold, but that doesn't explain a pig not eating." "He's got me stonkered, Arthur." "But I can tell you this, if you don't get some fluids into him soon, you're gonna lose him." "Come on, son." "Pull yourself together." "The boss needs you." "(DOOR CLOSES)" "Here we go." "Come on, Pig." "Come on." "There's a boy." "There's my boy." "Come on, then." "Come on." "(SINGING) If I had words" "To make a day for you" "I'd sing you a morning" "Golden and true" "I would make this day" "Last for all time" "Then fill the night" "Deep in moonshine" "If I had words" "To make a day for you" "I'd give you a morning golden and true" "I would make this day" "Last for all time" "(HUMMING)" "(SHOUTS)" "(MOOS)" "(QUAKING)" "(CLANKING)" "(MUNCHING)" "MAN:" "Listen, Arthur, I'll tell you what we can do." "You're listed third, but we can put you last in the program." "However, you must be here by 3:30, otherwise you'll be disqualified." "All right." "(CLANKING SOFTLY)" "And welcome back to the National Grand Challenge Sheepdog Trials, coming today from the Kingsmith Show Ground in the heart of sheep country." "The weather's been a little patchy, but we've already seen some wonderful work by these talented dogs." "Stay there." "Excuse me, sheep." "Hello!" "Hello!" "Good morning to you all!" "(BLEATS)" "Oh, boy, I've never met a sheep with such a strong, dark face." "Are they feeding you well?" "(BLEATS)" "Babe, I'll try." "All right, blockheads!" "Pay attention over here!" "Now, you pay attention to what this pig has to say to you or I'll come in there and rip you to shreds!" "Hadn't thought of this." "Keep trying, keep talking to them." "I'll see what I can do." "(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)" "Doesn't it look a picture?" "Our show ground on the telly!" "Apart from the weather." "Oh, look!" "There's your Bert!" "COMMENTATOR 1:" "Bert Ford and Sweep doing very well so far." "COMMENTATOR 2:" "Sweep's having a little trouble with this gate, Clive." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "A lot of trouble actually." "(EXCLAIMING) That's going to set Bert back." "Don't worry, Valda." "It's just a little slipup." "Look, he's doing much better now." "COMMENTATOR 2:" "No, no, no." "Too many loose sheep, there." "And Sweep's usually such a reliable dog." "Hey." "Whoa!" "Stop!" "If those sheep won't talk to Babe, the boss is going to look like an idiot." "I don't know what to do." "There is one thing." "Rex..." "I've gotta go!" "I'll try to be back in time." "(CLEARING THROAT)" "It must've been terrible weather for you, out in the field with all this rain we've been having." "(BLEATS)" "Hey, that dog's in a hurry." "Come on, Nick, I got a beer and a TV waiting." "ANNOUNCER:" "The last entry is Pig." "Owner, A. Hoggett." "WOMAN:" "Was that Hoggett?" "I think it was!" "Huh?" "He said Hoggett." "It was clear as a bell." "Must be another Hoggett." "We only have the two dogs, and they certainly aren't..." "(SIGHS)" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "ALL:" "Wolf!" "Wolf!" "Shut up, you morons!" "The little pig's in trouble." "What trouble have come to our Babe, Wolf?" "The sheep at the trials won't talk to the little fellow." "They won't listen." "He doesn't know what to do." "Don't know what we could do to help." "It's not right to give help to a wolf." "You wait here, Wolf." "You'll have to speak up." "I'm a little hard of hearing." "I asked you to wait here, Wolf." "Do what you're told by an old sheep for a change and we'll see what we can do for you." "Work completed." "Restore power." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "Very frustrating, indeed, to be sitting up here wondering what's causing all the delay." "COMMENTATOR 2:" "But we have someone on their way to the judges' rooms now." "We'll tell you what's causing the problem as soon as we find out." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "Perhaps it's a drug test, Eric?" "COMMENTATOR 2:" "Yeah, it could be." "I've never heard of a drug test at a sheepdog contest before." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "Neither have I." "We've got something here that might be of use to our pig." "Password!" "Password!" "Before we gives you anything, Wolf, you'll be making us a solemn promise." "REX:" "Yes?" "Treat us civil!" "Yes!" "You gotta treat us nice-like." "I'll try." "No biting!" "That's right." "Wolf must avoid biting us sheep at all costs!" "All right!" "I'll try that, too." "I'll try." "MAN:" "It's preposterous!" "We'd be the laughingstock of every sheepdog organization in every civilized country in the world!" "There's no rule..." "We'll see about that when the adjudication committee have finished their meeting." "I mean, what will we have next year, huh?" "A laughing hyena doing show jumping, I suppose?" "But the most important of all, you must promise never ever to let this password we be about to give to be used against any sheep anywhere." "I promise you that." "I'll make sure the pig knows it, too." "SHEEP 1:" "We have the promise!" "SHEEP 2:" "'Tis for Babe." "SHEEP 3:" "'Tis for his sake." "Maa would have wanted it." "Baa, ram, ewe." "ALL:" "Baa, ram, ewe." "To your breed, your fleece, your clan be true." "Sheep be true." "Baa, ram, ewe." "Is that it?" "Is that the password?" "(BLEATING)" "(CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)" "Mr. Hoggett, the judges would like me to convey to you their disappointment that a man such as yourself, with a long and honorable association with the work of the National Sheepdog Association, should see fit to flout the historic conventions" "which have long ruled our sport." "However, we find there is no rule, as such, which would prevent your animal being entered." "(ENGINE STARTING)" "The committee has ruled." "If you wish to proceed, there is nothing we can do to stop you." "(CLAPPING CONTINUES)" "What do you wish to do?" "(SIGHS)" "COMMENTATOR 1:" "But there appears to be some movement down there now, and I expect if there are no further problems, we shall see Hoggett and his dog, Pig." "Unusual name." "Strange name, isn't it, for a..." "Pig." "Anyone for a game of cards?" "COMMENTATOR 2:" "Good grief!" "Look at that!" "(GASPING)" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "(ALL JEERING)" "MAN:" "He's a fool!" "ANNOUNCER:" "Entry number 23, Mr. A. Hoggett with Pig." "(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)" "COMMENTATOR 2:" "This is just too crazy to believe." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "And if all that isn't enough for you, now we have a stray dog on the field." "They're trying to round him up." "COMMENTATOR 2:" "The dog's gonna give it a few tips on how to be a sheep-pig, I think." "(COMMENTATOR 2 LAUGHING)" "(LAUGHING)" "(PANTING)" "Well, it's up to him now." "Away to me, Pig." "(CROWD LAUGHING)" "Get off!" "Baa, ram, ewe." "Baa, ram, ewe!" "To your breed, your fleece, your clan be true." "Sheep be true." "Baa, ram, ewe." "What..." "What did you say?" "MAN:" "Get yourself a dog, Hoggett." "(SOBBING)" "There, there, Esme." "It's not the end of the world, you know." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "Is he just going to stand there until his time runs out, I wonder?" "Or could this be some sort of protest?" "COMMENTATOR 2:" "You know, Clive, maybe we should line up an interview with the sheep-pig?" "COMMENTATOR 1:" "Or the sheep-pig's trainer." "He's a very lively sort of fellow by the looks of things." "Good heavens!" "(SILENCE)" "Hey!" "HORSE: (SHUSHING) It's Babe!" "Huh?" "I..." "It's..." "Hmm." "Wow!" "Beautifully done!" "I can't tell you how grateful I am to y'all." "Now, for one last favor." "If the three ladies with collars would kindly walk out of the ring," "I'd be very much obliged." "(BIRDS WHISTLING)" "(CREAKING)" "(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)" "(LAUGHS)" "(CHEERING CONTINUES)" "NARRATOR:" "And so it was that in all the celebration, in all the hubbub of noise and excitement, there were two figures who stood silent and still side-by-side." "(CROWING)" "FERDINAND: (LAUGHING) The pig did it!" "The pig did it!" "Got a perfect score!" "(CHEERING) Yippee!" "Yippee!" "NARRATOR:" "And though every single human in the stands or in the commentary boxes was at a complete loss for words, the man who in his life had uttered fewer words than any of them, knew exactly what to say." "That'll do, Pig." "(SIGHS)" "That'll do." "(SIGHING)" "(MICE SINGING UPBEAT SONG)" "(MICE GIGGLING)"