"# Melvin worked at the Tromaville Gym # # 90-pound weakling who got pushed around #" "# They dressed him up in a pink tutu?" "#" "# They beat him up, and they threw him down #" "# He landed in a barrel of waste #" "# Toxic chemicals ate his face #" "# Mutated, energized by Tromatons #" "# This Jersey hero's gonna clean up the place #" "# Yeah #" "# TOXIC #" "# AVENGER #" "# TOXIC #" "# AVENGER #" "# He's a hideously deformed monster hero #" "# Superhuman size and strength #" "# Pursuer of good, enemy of evil #" "# With his mighty mop, he'll never stop #" "# Truth and justice and his calling card #" "# He's gonna fight crime across the land #" "# Big business thinks he's gonna rip you apart #" "# Toxic Solution is right at hand #" "# TOXIC #" "# AVENGER #" "# Toxic!" "#" "In the shadow of the big city, with its big buildings, big business, and big people, is my home town Tromaville." "A little town with little buildings, little businesses, and little people." "My name is Melvin Junko." "I live in a garden apartment in the Tromaville Dump." "I am the first hideously deformed monster hero of superhuman size and strength to come from New Jeresy." "They call me the Toxic Avenger." "This is my story." "Several years ago," "I and the little people of Tromaville succeeded in crushing all criminals and ridding Tromaville once and for all of evil and corruption." "Tromaville actually became a nice place to live." "With no criminals or oppressive politicians around, people of Tromaville were once again happy." "Once again they were free to devote themselves to their principal activities of dancing in the streets... tattooing... manufacturing orange juice... exterminating vermin... watching excellent movies... and dancing in the streets!" "The important people in my life all lived in Tromaville" "My Mom," " It's your Mommy!" "Melvin!" "My freudian psychiatrist," "I've been doing some soul searching of my own." "And most important, my best girl Claire." "Although Claire was blind, her handicap didn't prevent her from being a real intellectual." "Now that Tromaville had no crime, there was no work for a super hero like me." "There were no criminals left for me to destroy." "I took a job as concierge at the Tromaville Center for the blind, where Claire spent much of her time." "It was the only way to make ends meet." "Claire had the kind of end that you really wanted to meet." "I was also athletic director at the Center of the blind, which kept me kind of busy." "My duties included organizing croquet games, planning rooftop nature walks, and refereeing basketball games." "As rewarding as this work was," "I have to admit I was pretty depressed." "I missed the good old days of criminal bashing." "You know, beating up bad guys." "Then... one day our lives were thrown into upheaval." "The peace and tranquility to which we had grown accustomed was suddenly shattered!" "Claire." "Yes, Mrs. Beasley." "Oooh!" "Your boyfriend, the Toxic whatchihoosit, is melting all the silverware in the house." "Oh, dear!" "Melvin!" "Melvin, you don't have to set the table tonight." "Why don't you clean the oven?" "OK, dear." "I suppose you want me to clean the toilets, too." "Yes, dear." "Thank you." "Attention, all blind people." "Lunch is now being served inside." "All blind persons please find your way to the cafeteria." "Poor Melvin." "He's been so depressed lately." "His psychiatrist says it's very important for him to feel needed." "There just doesn't seem to be any more evil in Tromaville for him to clean up." "It's not good for him to feel useless." "Mr. Chairman, that's the Toxic Avenger's girlfriend." "Ha ha ha!" "He must be inside." "OK." "Give the order." "OK, you, come on." "Let's go." "Mmmph!" "Get a receipt." "Excuse me, miss." "Oh, sorry." "I got a package here for the Toxic Avenger." "He's inside working." "Could you sign for it, please?" "OK." "No." "Right down here." "OK." "Thank you." "What is it?" "Make sure he gets it, because it's awfully big." "It feels nice." "Ohhh!" "Oh, Toxie!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "I have a surprise!" "I have a surprise for Toxie!" "He's going to be so excited." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Help me!" "Help me!" "I'm stuck!" "The lunch bell rang!" "Lady!" "Lady!" "Help me!" "I'm stuck!" "Let go of me!" "What are you, blind?" "Clarie!" "Clarie!" "Ha ha ha!" "Aaah!" "Clarie!" "Oh, my god!" "Mrs. Beasley!" "Mrs. Beasley!" "Are you all right?" "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "Oh, my god!" "Aaah!" "Help me!" "Help me!" "Come on!" "Let's go!" "Ha ha ha!" "All right!" "Man!" "That old lady, I wasted her!" "Good boy!" "We pulled it off." "All right!" "Ha ha ha!" "I should be getting a big raise out of this job." "We made waste product out of that Toxic bastard." "I love to watch things blow up." "Did you see that blast?" "Ha ha ha!" "That's the end of the Toxic Avenger." "Ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "We're changing this town now!" "Did you see that blast?" "Oh, yeah." "How are ya?" "Aaah!" "Grrr!" "Help!" "Grrr!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Aaah!" "Grrr!" "Messy, messy, messy!" "Get him!" "Come on!" "take him!" "He's yours." "Grrr!" "Aaaah!" "Mmmph." "Take this." "Fuck this!" "Now you gotta deal with me, Toxic asshole." "Why, I ought a..." "Take him." "Let's go." "Get on with it." "Come on!" "Get that Toxic Avenger." "Come on!" "All the men we've got!" "He's all yours." "Get that for the chief!" "Hey, Toxic." "Hey, Toxic!" "Hey, Toxic!" "What's the matter?" "Can't you hear me?" "You slimebucket, you!" "Can't you hear me?" "Hey, Toxic!" "Yeah, kemo sabe." "I can hear you." "Can you hear me?" "Lucky for you, it's time for my piano lesson." "Take this, you savage, Toxic, you." "Yeee!" "Ahhh!" "Ahhh!" "Aaah!" "One of our best men." "Ya ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "Grr!" "Ya!" "Yaa!" "Aaah!" "Grrr!" "What are you doing to me?" "After a long day of crime fighting," "I like to play a little basketball." "Grr!" "Hee hee hee!" "Oh, shit!" "I" " I-I don't know." "I mean, he's big." "and we planned it well, and I" "I didn't know" "Call a meeting of the board of directors, and fire the entire personnel department!" "He's coming." "Let me in!" "Ohh!" "Waah!" "Oh, little baby." "Don't cry." "I got you." "Let's go find your mommy." "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "Oh, my god!" "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "Oh, my god!" "Where's my baby!" "Where is she?" "Where is she?" "Here you go, ma'am." "Here's your baby." "She was up a tree." "Thank you, Toxic." "They killed my Melvin." "Melvin!" "They killed my Melvin!" "Oh, Melvin!" "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "Apocalypse Chemicals!" "Grrr!" "Claire!" "Claire!" "Claire!" "Are you all right?" "Thank God you're all right!" "I thought they killed you!" "What happened?" "I felt the heat and a terrible sound." "And then I felt a head!" "Where is everyone?" " Where's Mrs. Beasley?" " Clarie!" "They were..." "They were senselessly butchered!" "Ohh, Melvin!" "But at least I got the slime who did it." "Oh, Melvin, you're wonderful." "Oh, Claire." "Claire may have thought I was wonderful, but across the river in the big city there were some big people who didn't think" "I was so wonderful." "The Evil, Egomaniacal Chairman of Apocalypse Incorporated, the massive, Multinational Chemical Conglomerate plotting to destroy me and take over Tromaville. SCENA IN PIU' As long as the Toxic Avenger lives, we will be prevented from achieving our goals." "We will never win over the hearts and minds of all the little people of Tromaville, whom we need because without them, we'll never take Tromaville." "And without Tromaville, we'll never take New York." "And without New York, we're just an infernal failure!" "Bu-bu-but, Boss, we can't kill him!" "We used enough explosives to blow up an entire city." "So what if our explosives had no effect." "We are Apocalypse incorporated." "We do not shrink at setbacks." "We want the challenge!" "Gentlemen, as we speak, our research department is studying his background, and we will come up with a suitable demise for that Toxic troublemaker." "And then..." "I'll get a hold of that blonde, blind, bimbo, whore, bitch girlfriend of his with those long legs" " Ooh!" "And those melon-heavy breasts." "I'd like to take her hair and wrap it around her neck!" "I want to strangle her till her eyes bugged out!" "His real name is Melvin Junko." "He was nothing but a puny janitor" "At a health club." "In reel two of the first movie," "As a result of a harmless prank," "Melvin fell into a barrel of toxic waste." "This caused his tiny body to transform into a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength." "He became..." "The Toxic Avenger." "Due to the toxic chemicals in his body," "Melvin destroyed all the evil in Tromaville." "Tromaville actually became a nice place to live." "You see, the chemicals in the Toxic Avenger's body cause him to automatically destroy evil." "Our scientists say this is caused by weird particles in his body called Tromations." "To destroy the Toxic Avenger, we must destroy the Tromations in his body." "How do we conquer this tromation?" "Technology." "And where do we find technology?" "Gentlemen, think." "Cars..." "TVs..." "Walkmans." "Japan!" "Anybody knows that if you wany something to work, you buy a japanese product." "Even comic-book villains like us know if you want it done right, you must turn to Japan." "Scientists at the Apocalypse Japanese Division will create an anti-tromaton, and then that will be it." "That Toxic Avenger will just shrivel up like a prune." "Speaking of prunes, that girlfriend of his- Ha ha ha!" "I would just love to shrivel up those melons of hers!" "Boy, I could get my hands on..." "Wait a minute." "You said this anit-tromaton substance is in Japan." "Can we get this from Japan to New Jersey?" "That would be very chancy, considering its volatile nature." "However, we have a plan to get the Toxic Avenger to Japan." "He's been seeing a psychiatrist." "We know he has complete faith in her." "It's just a matter of determining her price." "No problem." "We'll get that jerk... no matter what." "Now, that is what I like to hear!" "He... must... be... destroyed." "Beating up bad guys should've made me feel good about myself, but back at our garden apartment," "I was still experiencing feeling of uselessness and subseguent bouts of deep depression." "So many innocent blind people had died before I could do anything to save them." "I went into a real emotional tailspin." "I was in such a state, Claire even suggested" "I increase my psychiatrist visits to eight times a week instead of the usual seven." "This should make you feel better." "Ergh..." "Melvin," "I made your favorite." "It's your favorite!" "Ta-da!" "Chicken a la..." "Clorox." "Oh, well, all right." "Melvin, must you always smother my cooking in drano before you even taste it?" "I'm sorry, OK?" "I'm sorry, Claire." "I..." "I just feel so useless." "Oh, Melvin, you were great this morning" "The way you took apart all those smelly men." "There's still evil in Tromaville for you to clean up." "Plenty of evil for you!" "Grrgh." "I should've been faster!" "All those innocent blind people... are dead." "I couldn't snap out of my depression." "Usually I felt better after sunday church services, but not this time." "My psychiatrist had attributed my emotional problems to the face that I was raised in a single-parent household, my father having left home when I was a tiny baby." "But I always felt that Mom had more than filled the void when Dad left." "Mom had been a great father figure." "Uhh..." "The clouds of despair followed me everywhere." "Uhh..." "And I mean everywhere." "Uh!" "Oh! SCENA IN PIU' Please, darling, try to eat something." "Eat." "There's some nice cleaning fluid under the sink." "I've got to go now." "I've got a bar mitzvah." "Shall I bring you something from the supermarket?" "Some sani-flush, maybe?" "Oy, oy, oy!" "Oh!" "It wasn't long before I became a genuine emotional basket case. SCENA IN PIU' I was so depressed that I didn't even notice that my psychiatrist, who had always been a strict freudian, suddenly began practicing" "some kind of progressive new gestalt psychotherapy." "...that the mind, though important, is only one very small part of the whole." "The rest, Melvin, is the flesh!" "The flesh!" "The flesh and sex!" "It is sex which links us to our innermost selves." "I should been suspicious." "I should have surmised that the evil Apocalypse Corporation had bought her off, but because of my monster-sized depression." "I was like Putty," "Toxic Putty in her hands." "Wow!" "It all sounds so complicated." "I mean, where would I begin?" "Oh, where we all must begin." "And where's that?" "With your father!" "My father?" "My father left when I was a child." "I don't even know him." "But that's only a very small obstacle." "I've done some checking." "I discovered that your father Phineas T. Junko, better known as Big Mac, now lives in Tokyo, Japan." "Oh." "Tokyo, Japan." "Give me his address, and I'll drop him a line." "Oh, no, Melvin." "Oh, Melvin, this is getting tedious." "You must go to him and see him in person." "Me?" "Go to Japan?" "Ohh!" "Uh-huh." "If I go there and talk to my dad," "I can work things out?" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Japan, yeah." "But I have to leave Mom and Claire." "On the other hand, I could see Dad." "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Japan." "Japan." "But where is Japan?" "Ooh!" "That's delicious." "I'm hungry." "You know, if Tromaville's here, and Alaska's here, and Japan's all the way over here, then I'm going to have to travel over these big beautiful mountains." "Wow." "That's really far." "I think that's even farther than Tromaville is to New York." "Claire, I don't want to leave you." "Oh, but, Melvin," "I think your doctor's right." "If you don't go to Japan and find your daddy, you'll never be happy." "Don't worry about me, Melvin." "I'll be all right." "I'd be here loving you the whole time." "Remember, Melvin," "I love you." "Grrr!" "How could you be so sure?" "Oh, well," "My skin tingles all over whenever I'm near you, and I get little hot sensations all over my body." "And sometimes, my mouth gets dry." "That could just be a biochemical reflex." "Oh, no, Melvin." "Sometimes I see little electric flashes that light up the darkness." "It's love, believe me." "Now, stop worrying about me, Melvin." "It's our last day together for a long while." "What do you want to do?" "Ooh!" "Oh!" "Ha ha ha!" "Grrr!" "I was in such a hurry to get to my father that I bypassed the regularly scheduled airlines and took the fastest mode of transportation to Japan." "At first I found it hard to believe that my dad was japanese and that I was part japanese." "But that would explain why I've always had these strange, nonamerican urges to work very hard, save money, and live without credit cards." "Mommy and Claire were worried that I didn't prepare properly for my trip to Tokyo, but I bought a book of japanese phrases and rented a tape of gidget goes to Tokyo." "What more did I need?" "There was one little boo-boo in my travel plans." "I forget my passport, so when I got to the Tokyo Harbor," "I ditched my windsurf board and entered Tokyo godzilla-style." "Grrr!" "Grrr!" "Grrr!" "Am I in Paris or Tokyo?" "Let's see." "Was I supposed to take a left at the Panama Canal or a right?" "I don't know." "Let me start looking for my father." "Because I couldn't speak japanese that well, a waiter back at the Tromaville Sushi Bar gave me a napkin with my father's name written in japanese so people could help me find my father." "Grrr!" "Yoo hoo!" "Guys!" "Do you know where I could find Mr. Mac Junko?" "Grrr!" "Even though I was far from home," "I kept up all the good personal habits my mom had taught me." "And so I continued my search for my father." "Hi." "Thanks." "Hmm." "Those look good." "Can I have one?" "What are they?" "Very popular japanese snack called Taiyaki." "In shape of fish." "Ah." "Ah." "Mmm." "Mmm!" "As I was munching on my delicious Taiyaki, suddenly my Tromations began going Berserk." "My body was reacting to the presence of evil." "Grrr!" "Oh, genki desu ka, guys?" " Aah!" " Aah!" "Aah!" "Rrrr!" "Would you hold this, ma'am?" "My Tromatons are acting up." "Here." "Grrr!" "Aah!" "Aaah!" "Ita Nakimas." "Sumi masen." "Sumi masen, ladies." "Uh, sumi masen." "Shabu!" "Shabu!" "No deki agari." "I've got japanese shabu shabu here, heavy on the veggies." "Grrr!" "Aah!" "Fist lesson in electronics." "Your going to be first human transmitter." "Shh!" "She's all yours." "Many thanks." "I'm forever in your debt, kind sir." "Don't call me sir." "My name is Melvin." "Call me Melvin." "I am Masami." "Hajima mashita." "You put yourself in terrible danger." "Not many men would do that." "Well, actually, I can't help it." "What?" "I have these biochemical particles in my body called Tromatons." "So che è difficile da capire, ma" "I had an accident a while back." "It affected my biochemical makeup." "Every time I sense evil, these Tromatons inside me force me to destroy it." "Still, I must repay you for saving me." "I will do whatever you wish." "Hmm?" "Hey!" "How about helping me find my father?" "Big Mac Junko." "Come." "I have many contacts on the street." "Masami and I searched all over Tokyo for my father." "Grrr!" "Let's go ask that street-smart youth gang." "Maybe they know." "She introduced me to all the tough and savvy street people." "Do you know Mr. Big Mac Junko?" "Tokyo, like Tromaville, was also a nice place to live." "The people had many interesting activities," "Like dancing in the streets." "We didn't have much luck finding my father." "I really started to get bummed out." "The people of Tokyo were terrific." "They did everything they could to cheer me up." "I put on a happy face and tried my best to have fun." "I'm hungry." "Oh, that looks good." "Here." "Hold my mop." "You wait here." "I'll be right out." "Grrr!" "Come on, follow me." "Mmm." "The plastic noodles made my stomach full but without my father my life would never be full." "Do not be so sad, Mr. Melvin." "We will find your father." "I know." "I know we will but as if things weren't bad enough already all these people they keep staring at me." "I feel so out of place." "No problem." "Come with me." "Pheww." "Masami disguised me so I looked exactly like a Typical Japanese Businessman." "Now I really fit right in." "I felt so much more comfortable." "I looked and smelled so professional," "I was sure Dad would be real proud of me if I could only locate him." "Meanwhile, back in Tromaville, the Chairman and his evil Corporate Henchmen were taking advantage of my absence." "Apocalypse Incorporated moved back into Tromaville and systematically began spreading its Chemical Pollution all over the entire town." "Let's make use of our newly acquired property in Tromaville to expand our takeover project." "I believe you all have work to do." "In a display of incredibly evil arrogance, the name of our town was changed from Tromaville to Apocalypseville," "And the people were helpless to do anything about it." "Without me there to fight evil," "Apocalypse Incorporated was able to take over all walks of life." "They took control of Tromaville's industrial life." "Much worse, they took control over Tromaville's cultural life." "The little people of Tromaville were miserable." "How was I to know?" "I was 10,000 miles away in a land where they eat plastic noodles." "The Tromavillians tried to protect their town from the Chemical Assault, but they were powerless against the Chairman and his goons." "People of Tromaville." "You can't run away from Chemicals with though running away from yourselves." "I say, let's give back to nature what came from nature." "Let's put back into the air and the water and the earth" "All the chemicals" "The fluorocarbons, the DDT, the Dioxin that lay there for centuries undisturbed before there was man to come and pluck them out and use them for his own purposes." "The little people of Tromaville bravely tried to stand tall." "They could do nothing against the running dogs of big business." "Protest Rally!" "Help us stop the Apocalypse Corporation, now!" "Everybody, there's a big meeting tonight." "Help us to find a solution." "The Apocalypse Corporation is building a Chemical Plant in our park." "Help us get ride of the Apocalypse Corporation!" "They want to building a Chemical Plant in our park." "Stop Apocalypse!" "Help us get rid of them!" "Please, keep your neighborhood safe." "Stop Apocalypse from building a Chemical Plant." "Fight the Apocalypse Corportation." "Everybody, the Apocalypse Corporation wants to put a Chemical Plant here in your park!" "Help us of stop him." "Some gutsy people tried to resist, but without me there," "All efforts proved hopeless." "This park is condemned, kid." "You can't condemn a park." "Oh, yeah?" "Just watch us." "That be your horse over there?" "Yeah." "No pollution." "Peace." "Well, that's the next to go." "What's that smell?" "Addicts!" "You see what they're smoking?" "They're smoking crap." "Right." "They're crap addicts." "We won't let this Apocalypse Corporation stop us." "Meet you back here later." "Walk on." "Walk on." "And those forthright Tromavillians that Apocalypse Incorporated couldn't control, they crushed." "We never had drugs in Tromaville before this Apocalypse Corporation moved in." "We're alone in our place now." "They can't get us here." "We did a good job, eh, boss?" "Not bad." "Could have been a bit more violent." "Can we get a promotion now, boss?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "Yeah, maybe." "Maybe." "In fact, I'm looking for a couple of executive types like yourselves to help turn the Tromaville Bird Sanctuary into a fluorocarbon plant." "Mom, who are these people?" "Oh, please." "This park is our home." "Can't you please help the homeless?" "Can't you please lend us a buck?" ""Neither a borrower nor a lender be. "" "Shakespeare." ""Fuck you. " David Mamet." "Masami and I got our big break when we were directed to the Skiji Fish Market." "Well." "This is it." "Your father is here, Melvin." "I know it's hard to believe." "Here?" "In the Fish Market?" "Wow!" "We were told that my father worked somewhere in that neighborhood." "The Skiji Fish Market was some big-scale operation." "There were more smelly dead fish in there than there were in the Tromaville City Council." "The fact that my father worked with fish and probably had to wash his hands" "16 times a day made me even more curious about him." "What does he look like?" "Did you find anything else out about him?" "Where is he?" "Is he big or small?" "No one wants to talk much about Mac Junko," "only that he is called Big Mac." "Big Mac." "My dad Big Mac." "Well, let's find him." "One of the fish cutters told us that Big Mac could be found on the Skutajima Fishing Bridge right behind the Skiji Fish Market, where the fish boats dock." "This was where he ran his fish business." "Finally, i was going to be reunited with my father." "I was overcome with Joy." "What a beautiful moment for a loving son." "Melvin." "Look over there." "It's him!" "It's really him!" "My father, finally!" "My search is over." "Oh, he looks like a Big Teddy Bear." "I love him already!" "Dad!" "It's me, Melvin!" "Daddy!" "Melvin!" "My boy!" "My son!" "Come here." "Suddenly, there he was- my long-lost father." "This was to be the greatest moment of my life." "I couldn't wait to hold him in my arms." "As I joyfully embraced my long-lost dad, suddenly my Tromatons went into a horrendous reaction." "There was evil present, and horror of horrors, that evil was my father." "Cocaine!" "He is smuggling cocaine in fish!" "Cocaine!" "He is smuggling cocaine in fish!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "It was at that very moment that I learned what it was to plunge from the heady heights of ecstasy to the dismal depths of despair." "My long-lost dad was a bum." "Let's get that guy even if he is my dad." " Aah!" " Aah!" "We followed my father around the block to his headquarters at the Fisherman's Shrine." "I can't believe it!" "My own father smuggling drugs!" "Oh, it's only a small part of my business, only a bit better than the white-slave trade." "Ha ha ha!" "White-slave trade, too?" "Smuggling drugs, with slavery" "Shut up!" "You jerk!" "You hit Masami!" "Are you OK?" "Are you all right?" "Don't you want to see my greatest accomplishment?" "It was bad enough to discover that my father was a drug smuggler, but even worse, I found out he smoked cheap, smelly cigers." "This, my boy, is that we are doing in a lousy fish market" "collecting fish oils to be used in the production of..." "Antitromaton." "Grr!" "There is enough anti-tromation in there to cause a chain reaction that will actually change the nucleir of those toxic particles of yours, breaking down the elements of your body and turning you into a harmless puddle of..." "Well... we don't quite know yet... do we?" "But first my boys want to play with you." "Run, Melvin!" "Run, Melvin!" "Run, Melvin!" "Don't worry." "Don't worry." "I can handle this." "All right. guys!" "Banzai!" "Bonsai." "Aah!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Big Mac!" "Where are you?" "Grr!" "Whoa!" " Grr!" " Ahh!" "Grr!" "Ahh!" "Hehehehe." " Aha!" " Grr!" " Ahh!" " Grr!" "Ahh!" "Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!" "Oh, nice." "Grr!" "Come on." "Ah, yahh!" "Grr!" "Aaaaaaaaaah!" " Ahh!" " Grr!" " Ahh!" " Grr!" "Come on, come on." "Grr!" "Come on, come on." "Let's get out of here." "Oh, No!" "It's Kabuki-man!" "I'll be right back." "Hey!" "En garde!" "Heya!" "Aah!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Eeyah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Grr!" "Melvin, my boy..." "I'd like you to meet one of our accidents." "in developing anti-tromaton." "He's a handsome fellow, isn't he, Toxie?" "Sashini anyone?" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Don't you know who you're dealing with?" "You can't win..." "Smelvin!" "Smelvin?" "Don't call me Smelvin!" "My name is Melvin!" "Call me Melvin!" "Psychologically, I felt uncomfortable about the possibility of fighting my own father." "I felt even more uncomfortable when my father suddenly began taking his clothes off, then he started futzing with his hair, and before I could say sigmund freud, my father put on this- this- this diaper!" "To see my own father in a diaper..." "Whoa!" "What a Toxic head-trip!" "I am the Big Mac." "I am the Big Cheese." "You might say that I am the Big Mac with cheese." "Heh heh heh!" "Grr!" "Grr!" "Okey-dokey." "Oh, okey-dokey." "And now... it's bedtime, Smelvin." "Melvin!" "Melvin!" "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "Masami knew little about anti-tromaton or its deleterious effects on a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength like myself." "But since my condition resulted from a Sumo Situation, she wisely took me to a Sumo Gym, where I was rehabilitated thanks to a program of ancient Sumo Homeopatic Remedies," "Sumo Philosophy, and Sumo Physical Exercise." "My name is Shochikuyama." "You must first learn Purifying Ritual." "First, we stamp out the Evil Spirits." "Then we gargle... the Power Water." "And scatter..." "Purifying salt." "The next step is Nintai" "Patience and tolerance." "If your opponent is an equal, you must be sure to make the first move." "You have served mankind by killing Mac Junko." "We offer you the Mawashi and Sagari of our Heya." "Oh, domo arigato." "I thank you for your kindness and your instruction, and you saved my life." "But I killed my own father, and I am unworthy." "I will never forget you, but I must leave now." "Sayonara." "Good-bye, Melvin." "I won't forget you." "Sayonara, Masami." "Kimi no kotowa." "Isho wa suri nai, Sayonara." "Ah, let's see." "Nintai..." "Patience and tolerance." "Make the first move." "Patience and tolerance." "Make the first move." "Back home, the boot-licking bourgeois bullies of corporate corruption had their way with the little people of Tromaville." "Apocalypse Incorporated had little trouble attaining its goal of total ownership of everything and everyone." "Ughh!" "Aah!" "Mama!" "Drop that flowerpot!" "Heh heh heh!" "You can't take this church, and you can't take our town!" "There are no leverage buyouts in a house of God!" "Aw, are you hungry?" "Would you like some french bread?" "It's fresh-baked- Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Cut it out!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Can you help us?" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Hey, what are you guys doing?" "What do you think you're doing?" "Aah!" "Hey!" "Oh!" "My leg!" "Huh?" "Ha ha ha!" "As I went back home," "I could not get over the fact that I had killed my own father!" "I felt so guilty, but I felt a lot worse when I saw what Apocalypse Incorporated had done to Tromaville in my absence." "Oops!" "I almost forgot." "I've got to sort the laundry." "Who's that?" "Melvin?" "Melvin, are you back from Japan?" "Melvin?" "Melvin, is that you?" "Melvin." "Melvin, is that you?" "Back from Japan?" "Melvin, your muscles feel- They feel nice, but they feel a little smaller." "Melvin, what happened to you?" "Have you been eating that funny fish from Japan?" "That" " That Sushi?" "Melvin, Melvin, why don't you speak to me?" "I missed you so much." "Hey, that's not you, Melvin!" "Have a seat." "We're the new guard, honey." "You could say we was moving in on your territory." "This is where she lives?" "What a dump." "Absolutely fascinating." "This place, it needs a lot of work." "And we're taking over." "I've been waiting and waiting to get a hold of these yellow locks and these melon-heavy breasts." " Woo!" " Woo!" " Ha ha ha!" " Ha ha ha!" "The bitch broke my nail!" "Let me kill her now, boss." "Melvin!" "Melvin." "Grrr." "Whoa!" "I've got a Toxic Explosive for you, baby." "Melvin!" "Bad, bad girl!" "Melvin, let's talk about this." "I've been hurt!" "Let's go!" "Melvin!" "Bitch!" "I'm going to break you in half like a fucking wishbone." "Get off of me, you whore!" "You crazy bitch!" "You blind bimbo bitch!" "Look, Melvin, I'm helping." "Melvin." "Claire." "Oh, my Melvin." "Nobody messes with the bad girls." "Oh, Melvin." "But now Toxie was back home, and I wasted no time." "I immediately set about cleaning up Tromaville." "The good citizens rallied to support me." "Yeah!" "When the Chairman saw that I was back and that his best-laid plans had gone astray, he decided that if he couldn't own Tromaville, then he was going to destroy Tromaville." "The evil Chairman Summoned his craziest and most violent henchman" "The Dark Rider." "Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" "Ah ha ha ha ha!" "With 300 pounds of Nitroglycerin strapped to his body, the Dark Rider was ordered to crash into the Tromaville City Hall and blow the entire town to Smithereens." "If the Dark Rider succeeded in blowing up Tromaville," "Mom, Claire, and all my friends would be killed." "Even worse, if Tromaville was destroyed, there would never be a Toxic Avenger Part III." "Stop!" "Oh!" " Hey, what the" " Sorry about that, Cabby." "I'm the Toxic Avenger." "Ho-ho-holy shit." "Now, let's get that guy." "Look out." "Senoir citizens." "Pardon me, ma'am, sir." "I need your cab." "Cabby, I'm the Toxic Avenger." "We must save Tromaville." "Follow that villain on the motorcycle and put the pedal to the metal." "Let's go!" "For this I left the south bronx?" "I hope I get a good tip out of this." "Step on it, Cabby." "He went that way." "Hurry up!" "Step on it!" "Wait!" "Ah ah ah!" "Whoa!" "Step on it, Cabby." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "I'll fix it later." "Aah!" "Herman, you dumb schmuck." "We should have gone to the french restaurant." "Shut up, Sadie." "We're going chinese." "It's cheaper." "Some wedding anniversary." "Aah!" "Whoa!" "OK, kids." "Cross at the green." "Now, kids." "Wait." "Hey, what the" "No, no, no!" "Slow down." "No!" "Slow down!" "Well, ha ha ha." "See, Jimmy?" "Safety first." "I tell you." "Oh, God." "Come on, honey." "50 year anniversary." "Some celebration- with this thing." "My mother shouldn't have made a contact with you." "You're stupid." "Cut the yapping." "I'm trying to drive." "Let's go!" "Get that guy on the bike!" "Let's go!" "Whoa!" "What the..." "My car!" "What did you do to my car?" "It's all right, Amigo." "You just got yourself a convertible." "Hey, a convertible." "Customized, too." "Here you go." "try these." "Here." "Get that guy on the bike." "Let's go!" "All right!" "Aaah!" "Stop him!" "Aah!" "Aaah!" "Aah!" "Whee!" "Ah-ha!" "Aaah!" "Ha ha ha." "# Doo-doo-doo-doo #" "# Di-da-da-da #" "# Do-da-da-da-da-da-da #" "Aiee, ow!" "Enough of this Tromaville." "I go back to south bronx, where it's safe." "Ah, ah, ah, eiee." "Aaah!" "Look at that free!" "Oh, happy anniversary." "Happy anniversary." "Sadie, we'll go to the french restaurant." "Oh, Herman, such an exciting 50th wedding anniversary." "Much more so than our honeymoon, huh?" "Oh." "Oy, oy, oy, oy." "I love you." "Grrr." "Grrr." "Aaah!" "Yay!" "All right." "Where am I?" "What's going on?" "You're in Tromaville, and the Toxic Avenger just saved our asses." "So, you're the Toxic Avenger." "The one and only." "It's hard to believe you were my little Melvin." "Big Mac!" "I don't believe it." "Mildred!" "It's a miracle!" "I had given up faith that I would ever find you again." "Dad?" "If you're you, who was that I killed in Japan?" "A big ugly guy?" "He was smuggling cocaine inside of Tuna Fish." "That's Big Mac Bunko, not Junko, former con man." "I've been mistaken for him more than once." "He's ruined my credit rating with visa and mastercard." "I'm glad to know of his demise." "Well, Dad, glad to see you." "And who is this lovely young lady?" "Oh, this is my girl, Claire." "Daddy!" "Oh, Big Mac." "I never want you to wander again-ever." "And I will stay here with you, my love." "So Mom and Claire and my real Dad along with all the Tromavillians were once again free to enjoy life to the fullest," "and the wicked Chairman" "He fled Tromaville as fast as his evil legs would carry him." "Hey, want a ride?" "Big business sucks, you wad." "Now I could really feel good about myself." "My broken id was finally repaired because I knew that whenever or wherever the good citizens of Tromaville needed help, they could always count on me." "So just remember, folks, when the bad guys come to your town, and you're not quite sure what to do, call me, the Toxic Avenger!"