"Pleasant viewing " " The translator" "Countermay where several threads converge in the tapestry of worlds a world of settlers both by choice and accident a world of conflict between civilizations young and ancient, noble and cruel living and, otherwise a world unresolved with many vying to shape its fate" "only one thing is certain for Countermay its future will not be determined here or... here, for that matter" "at last show them in" "seven years of riddles and traps seven years of waiting for you to make a mistake and now we have you the shadow the shadow the shadow you've ruined my carpet so we have where is the girl, fiend" "straight to it then, no foreplay?" "you will release the princess at once!" "and what, in our long relationship suggests I would do this there's but one way this can end with your death, and us departing with our prize for women are prizes to be won, yes?" "you simple surface dwellers the princess was never my objective, on no merely a means to an end you see, I have discovered a great secret about our world a truth that defies all... don't you dare... it might be work" "are you going to get that?" "let it go to voice mail" "you were saying" "I was you simple surface dwellers, the princess was never my objective, no" "I have discovered a secret about our world a truth that defies all of..." "I'm surprised you even get reception down here" "If you answer that I will punch you forever it's work, I've gotta..." "Hello" "No, no now's a great time" "boss, uh.. some guy has a question about renting a room that's on the rate sheet right, he'd like to know how much it costs oh!" "yea that would be on the rate sheet and if we're going to take a break" "I need to feed the meter I uh..." "I actually have to get going you've got to be kidding seriously?" "sorry, we have an early loading in the morning and we still haven't cleared the bay you're killing me guys, you're killing me and that's really what I should be doing guys, this is going to be a while" "we've pissed off a pretty big customer yeah?" "who?" "china... to be continued" "so... same time next week?" "I'm good" "Ah yeah, I'm not this isn't going away any time soon" "I'll be in tech and I've been drafted into helping with tech" "Grumble thank you sweetie grumble I say oh freakin come on!" "this keeps happening!" "are we really gonna miss another session?" "we're down 60% of the party so what do you suggest?" "does game night not mean anything to anyone anymore?" "if I wanted to play once every two months I'd be Lodge's sex life hey!" "why didn't you hey?" "hey!" "relax, sometimes life gets in the way yes I'm still here yes you're still stupid it's not like it's gonna be a year till we game again" "A year later" "five more minutes and we kill him firm but fair you shut up!" "I'm the antagonist, I can't antagonize?" "so... china talking to us again" "seriously, where the hell is he?" "what is that noise?" "my minions... minioning now shut up" "what the shit crapped all these dorks in my store?" "we're double booked sorry I can't game" "I guess we're not gaming the streak continues" "I can grab us a table at the AFK we can still have waffles I've earned waffles, waffles of shame that would be lovely" "I warned you you sell card games and they'll come those mouth breathing card floppers in ones and twos at first and then more would follow and now, they've nested!" "and taken over my precious table space is this what you wanted, Leo?" "a gaggle of shambling fail elementals clawing the air?" "I do not get your nerd rage on this you love breaking games why don't you just stick around see what happens oh!" "might I?" "might I please?" "perchance to spend hundreds of dollars on a non interactive game with no underlying narrative?" "sqwee!" "hold me back!" "this is sarcasm by the way this game has absolutely zero... (oh my god!" ")" "You, beard face, you the T.O.?" "hey, other beard face boom!" "card me oh our first Holden player tonight mind if I ask your build?" "quest military switch awesome my own special blend yeah I miss switch, I used to run something very similar with the Tuatha before the legacy broke us" "it was my favorite deck ever sorry man yeah I quit the game after that kinda stopped being fun you know?" "...hey what's she doing out of the kitchen?" "hey, take care of Dundereal for us?" "you got it girls suck at games!" "here we go... hey, could you make me a sandwich?" "we both know you don't need any more carbs come on, show us your tits!" "I left them at home!" "hey, is it hard to shuffle with my dick in your hands?" "sorry, all I heard was virgin virgin crusty sock allright Chad, I warned you you're outta here" "Hans!" "door!" "why's it my fault that she can't take a complement?" "right this way!" "fascists!" "ahm. miss I'm really sorry about that comes with the territory how dare I game with ovaries?" "you only won cause boobs!" "oh I can use that one nice!" "sup crag chin?" "am I kicking your ass today?" "nah, Cas here hates ccgs... ...that offer no competition maybe I'll meet you in the tourney" "Yay!" "no, wait, sorry" "I meant meeeeehhhhhhh..." "I need three things to live water, salt and her name oh would you look at that we're actually just past the sign in phase an entry fee is 10 bucks but for you" "20" "I'll give you 30 if I meet her in the first round" "I'll take that 30 and the +3 beads of protection do I look like a sheep?" "cuz I'm getting fleeced you still need a deck to play ah whatever I'll take the grand mighty empire of... green one you don't just grab a faction at random your choice of empire is the most important decision that you shall ever make" "they each have their own unique histories, and tactics and varying victory conditions take the Tuatha green one we are a people of mighty power green one!" "we were the first to uphold the... green one" "34.95 thanks citizens of Countermay one generation ago" "Simm Buxtehude and Tuatha Dundereal led an alliance against the god king Shad Hujem and his undead allies they toppled the dark one from his god head seat and sealed his throne under a mountain of stone but hey, Natalie right?" "I know, hard guess the only girl here that is how I wanna be remembered" "I'm Cas and you have already turned tonight's fortune completely around" "I have a tazer the sunken pyramid of Ixhasa rises from the deep and from it issues forth the dread army with a single goal in mind to return Ulix the eternal emperor to the god head seat and restore their empire" "will Ixhasa be victorious?" "or will the mortal men stand together and claim the throne for themselves we shall have the answers to all this and more when we cry havoc!" "HAVOC!" "cry havoc!" "HAVOC and let slip the dogs of war!" "well, that was pointless where were we?" "allright yeah, lets play with cards" "I do not get your angle man welcome to the romance of the nine empires collectible card game where you take the part of one of the nine warring factions ho oh yeah, ok nine of them I gotcha yeah I'm just going to declare victory now" "allright you got me I don't actually play this game wonder of wonders!" "I'm just a chiseled gamer guy who saw a gorgeous gamer girl and was willing to risk total humiliation for a chance to talk to her after this is all over what do you say you teach me how to play over a cup of coffee?" "I know this great waffle place it's open all night ok let me break it down for you you're cute, sure you speak in complete sentences and I'm reasonably certain that you bathed in the last 24" "yep the thing is I'm here to game I have this tournament to win and a whole army of the undead to thwart" "I can do 20 pull-ups not in a row or anything..." "Tazer Ok!" "yeah sure you just do your thing and I will just eh... wanna see how the whole shebang turns out play it off and back away and... she totally franced ya, didn't she?" "ah, course she did ah how does utter defeat taste?" "bitter I hope this is not sarcasm by the way the night is young, and as you said victory conditions vary" "you got a..." "little.. here, come here" "Skafla" "oh no hey look I'm sorry but you know it's like I've always said men are bad at relationships and women are bad at things ladies and gentlemen our winner and regional champion" "Chris Hunter boo... congratulations you've won a birth in the national championship and the storyline prize so... what's it gonna be?" "war or diplomacy?" "war of course!" "boo... hey hey hey if you don't like the way the game is going all you gotta do is beat the legacy at Gencon come on!" "hate me more!" "your pulp rage gives me strength great game Natalie way to give the legacy another win" "hey, you kicked some serious ass in there" "I lost now I gotta play my way through the Swiss fucking legacy" "right, you don't play they're this... cabal of elite dickbags who like fucking with the player base and making unpopular story decisions they created the starvation deck that all denial thing you saw in there and they just sit behind an undead army" "that doesn't have to eat while they wipe out all food production on the board so you can't even bring your heroes into play without them starving to death and they just whittle you away while you sit there watching your deck burn" "and they're gonna ride that pony all the way to the championship and flush questing down the toilet" "Them's the stakes" "Ixhasa wins questing's gone as a victory condition" "I never thought I'd leave this game but I can't take this shit anymore" "and without any ability to affect anything" "wow, I've really ranted all over you it's ok I didn't understand most of it anyway so... waffles?" "tell you what thunder jaw win Gencon for Holden put my queen on the throne and sure, I'll go out with you" "challenge accepted" "no it wouldn't and I'm telling you it would!" "There is zero evidence to support your claim the evidence is rather clear!" "Let's ask Cas." "Cas!" "Say that you were to chop off the hydra's dick do you think..." "Shut up" "Ready for this?" "We're going to Gencon!" "The best four days in gaming!" "Expecting a bigger reaction!" "well, Joe and I were already going" "Yeah and now someone from the group actually has a chance of getting laid" "Hey!" "So I'm winning a tournament for this card flopper chick" "She's totally into me" "Will he be there?" "yes, Gary, of course he'll be there." "He's always there" "You're gonna have to deal with him sooner or later" "I don't think I'm ready yet" "Now all I have to do is learn how to play the nine kingdoms" "Empires yea tomato tomaaa I don't care" "Allright!" "Which one of you guys wants to lose to a guy who's touched boob?" "Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen!" "It is as I feared war has come to Holden" "The cult of shad Hujem marches against us" "Meet them in battle, Myriad" "Save our kingdom" "The god king shall return" "I'm warmed up now rematch and use a real deck this time" "Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen!" "It is as I feared war has come to Holden" "The ord of the floating isles march against us" "Meet them in battle, Myriad" "Save our kingdom" "I said real deck" "Rematch" "I'm bored" "I'll play!" "I'll play" "Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen!" "It is as I feared war has come to Holden this... feels so familiar" "Something unlike anything I have ever seen marches against us" "Meet them in battle, Myriad" "Are we even playing the same game?" "I'm playing chibi dance number one, hurray" "I don't know what you're playing" "Man you are like an anti montage come on let's leave that sad man alone" "You just keep getting worse!" "Please, from the bottom of my heart and I do mean this sincerely" "Keep trying" "You're flailing at mediocrity is" "Marvelous entertainment" "Might I have a look at your deck" "It's not like you're going to be able to help" "Those kids were obviously cheating" "Now he's blaming kids!" "This is like Christmas" "And my birthday all at the same time" "Let's do a test draw see if we can find the problem" "Buxtehude" "Am I summoned to the queen?" "Yes" "We must face..." "Is it war?" "Has war come to Holden?" "War?" "!" "Heavens no!" "I merely wished to assess our defenses" "Have you been sleeping?" "You look troubled" "I've been having the strangest dreams at least that's what I think they are dreams" "Majesty our defenses are woefully inadequate not a kingdom in the world can stand against the dread army and with famine rampant we have neither the troops nor the wealth to prevail" "If we are too weak to stand on our own then, what we clearly need are allies" "A political marriage would strengthen our position" "I'm of more use to us here" "What do you suggest?" "How shall we defend ourselves?" "No let me quest, majesty the way my father did, the way that made Holden great the days of epic questing are over, Myriad" "They died with your father majesty" "Assess our defenses" "I would know how inadequate they are before I take marriage off the table" "There's your problem" "Your gold to food ratio is off you've got too few quests and a metric butt load of heroes if you're questing... you need to focus around these two" "Myriad, and Dundereal" "We have only these few men" "Do they look strangely similar to you?" "We can't supply a larger army and our weapons selection is... embarrassingly out of date we cannot defend ourselves with this" "my father could have" "I wonder crafty as he was I doubt even old Simm could have made a go at this with these paltry resources." "sly old fox" "I miss him" "There has to be something we haven't considered" "Something we haven't thought of" "There is" "Retreat" "Leave the castle lead your people back into the marches" "This" "Holden" "It has been a wonderful experiment and a welcoming refuge but Simm made may enemies when he carved it from the wilderness enemies with long memories" "I've been through the fall of a dynasty Myriad" "Life goes on" "Life goes on if you allow it" "Byron, could you please go count the bulk dice again?" "Sort them by color." "Generation" "Holder won't last a generation" "Crushed or annexed it's only a matter of time" "Dundereal won't say what the whole court knows the queen will have to do is marry me off to secure peace which wouldn't have even been an option if I had been born your son!" "This is about the first 10 years of R9E" "I have play sets of all the rares" "All the promos" "Some of these even go back to the initial print run" "These are total collector items now" "Practically impossible to find" "And I've kept them hidden for years" "His journals, his unfinished work the quests he never completed" "I found them Did we need to bring them all?" "We thought these lost" "Where ever did you find them?" "No where that can't be repaired" "I'm sorry?" "These are rather heavy" "We can complete the quests he never did" "Find the artifacts and allies we need to defend our kingdom, don't you see?" "And these are the edge you need" "You know how to play this game?" "Yes, and I can teach you if... and I mean you gotta convince me if it's a worthwhile use of my time so I'll put it to you straight this girl... is she worth it" "yeah there's just something about her" "the drive, the poise the way she made that 11 year old cry" "the moment I saw her I just knew this girl's special this is a girl that I could really really have sex with" "yeah that's all I needed to hear" "with this deck you'll be questing so you'll need a blend of strong mid-game quests game ending knockout quests and quick cheeser quests to get you started here is a classic a most peculiar lamp oh just so you know when I remember this" "I'm totally gonna imagine the matrix training sequence what?" "cards, lots of cards" "so the lamp yeah it's 10 renown plus you get to search for and play 3 cards from your own deck if you got 40 renown already this will push you over the edge most peculiar lamp lying in wait to hijack" "I'm gonna assign colonel baker who is using his reaction to assign mike who is using his reaction to assign the Chaplin who motherfuckin ha" "where'd they come from?" "I've been wondering that for 30 years thanks for showing us the way now stay down" "down I said we need that lamp this strikes me as an appropriate time to slip by in the vain hello Mike is it?" "sleep!" "aaah!" "you stay down hey who am I?" "baseball!" "democracy apple pie" "you are ageless, not immortal you can't go throwing yourself into risk like that why ever not?" "Holden needs you well" "Holden has me" "the lamp" "oh baby oh baby man, good game, wow everybody, give it up" "for our second place finisher second place?" "what, did I miss the finals?" "well I mean, it's a... you know... it's a formality" "I'm not in the know today who am I playing?" "oh, you.. you don't know allright!" "The die has been cast and the cards drawn and this year's sacrificial lamb will be played by a newcomer" "Shawn Cassidy!" "it's Cas the legend mark the Meach" "Mayjam!" "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach... rise my friends" "so what are you supposed to be like the end boss or something?" "look around you Mr. Cassidy what you see is a row of championship banners for this is my home store" "it is here I have qualified for every global storyline tournament since the dawn of the game and yet the topic of conversation tonight is not my inexorable 10th consecutive qualifying tournament victory but is instead of some newcomer slinging a slate of vintage quests" "why is this?" "regimes change and empires fall that sure looks comfy does that come with the win?" "one half or one third?" "will I be defeating you tonight with one half or one third of my deck pick half... it's less embarrassing" "I think you're already playing with half a deck there buddy no... one third it is... you go first we're not cutting for it?" "start out strong set yourself up for victory there's a reason you're carrying three of these biggest turnip?" "!" "quick 2 renown biggest turnip?" "!" "not every quest gets to be epic maybe I'm missing something what exactly is the big heroic deed here?" "growing a giant freak vegetable?" "more or less and said mutant tuber has the potential to win you the game?" "I don't think turnips are tubers so... your empire's at war and regardless of the tactical or economic realities on the ground you could theoretically win a military conflict by growing a turgid bit of purple stew bait" "hey, I have an idea how to end this flashback oh?" "turn take another" "I'm sorry?" "take another turn" "I insist" "now take another come on man take another turn" "it's like we talked about a desperate offer could save your ass you get 3 renown to give 1 of your quest rewards to one of your opponent's guys and that helps me how?" "it might buy you a turn might!" "I said might a word of advice Mr. Cassidy" "no matter how gimmicky your deck the jank that gets you through the Swiss won't hold up in the elimination rounds" "tell your puppet master questing is dead" "our champion for the 10th consecutive year the" "Meach!" "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Meach..." "Gary it's conversations like these that keep you single but, but the logic bears out, right?" "tell me I'm wrong here's the thing" "I'm not!" "If I have to pick a side you do fine yes, two dicks would grow back see?" "it's simple science!" "I don't know what Lodge's problem is hey, hey ah, can I talk to you?" "please!" "hey!" "you did great he beat me in 9 cards the Meach has won 4 Gencons!" "he's arguably the best player in the game today great, so... how am I supposed to beat him at Gencon?" "with any luck the legacy will knock him out of the tournament ok, how am I supposed to beat the legacy?" "with any luck the Meach will knock them out of the tournament you're not helping!" "every year in the sweltering late August heat a strange creature will follow its instinctual migration pattern here to urban Indiana the gamer during this great annual migration gamers of all species from the Midwestern neck beard to quivering man joy will descend upon Indianapolis in the tens of thousands" "a group of gamers, called a table is virtually unheard of in these numbers but congregate they do every year for Gencon they have come such a distance for the same reasons as any migratory mammal to build up resources for the long winter months" "and to mate." "the pageantry of the 4 day con is not to be missed members of this giant table will adorn themselves with colorful plumage and perform bizarre mating displays to stand out from their rivals competition among males for the demographically fewer females" "is fierce but seldom lethal of the gamers who do successfully mate many will return a year later with their offspring the geeklet, assuring the cycle of gamer life will continue for at least another generation but for every successful pairing there are multitude of failures" "male gamers who fail to successfully find a mate must return to their feeding grounds alone where they will content themselves with their comic books video games, and their latent misogyny" "I knew you had it in you." "you're being a bit of a dick come on, we gotta get you signed up keep working on that!" "yes my master!" "ok today's all about placing high enough in the Swiss that you advance to the elimination rounds that's where the real fight begins but first we gotta get your deck logged in the... are you even listening?" "oh Fortuna... hey Natalie!" "hey wenchhead!" "remember me?" "I'm the guy who's gonna put your king on the throne right!" "only it's queen and.. oh dear god you thought I was serious" "I expect that date when I win" "awesome why's a bowling team here?" "so full disclosure my tazer's not actually legal in the states had to send away for it to Singapore" "I'm detecting a hint of negativity it's a.. it's you!" "from... right!" "yeah!" "displaced military switch tacs yeah!" "you're telling me he plays?" "are you joking?" "oh my gosh, he's awesome well... you lasted what like nine cards against the Meach?" "9 cards, yeah they got a lot to say don't they?" "have you recruited him yet?" "ah... why no she has not tell me more oh man, check it so a bunch of us story players formed an alliance to take down the legacy, and... keep questing in the game." "we're gonna get the best anti-starvation deck into the finals whether it's ours or somebody else's" "isn't that great?" "oh check it, even we got buttons!" "buttons, wheeee!" "wait, wait, so... it's an alliance to lose?" "clearly nothing that you would be interested in it's an alliance to win as a team oh shit, like NASCAR?" "and we'd love to have you man ah... here's the thing..." "I'm trying to wrangle a date with ginger smack over there" "Natalie?" "yes and I can't do that unless I get her monarch ass down on the god head seat so..." "I have to win" "just gimme the damn button" "I wanted to thank everyone for making nine empires the game it is today you know 15 years ago when we started this people told us we were crazy for making a card game where the players could influence the story" "and, well, they were right but here we still are and here's your head writer for nine empires:" "Penelope Chalk" "The fate of the world lies in your hands brothers and sisters in 3 days time we will crown our new monarch until then we cry havoc!" "HAVOC!" "cry havoc!" "HAVOC!" "let slip the dogs of war!" "it's a dollar per roll or 7 for five, but you have to roll and you only get a kiss on the cheek if you roll a 20 otherwise, it's a chocolate kiss so 1.4 rolls per dollar at the wholesale rate" "with a 5% chance of return will yield a total bulk value of approximately $14.25 per kiss so, here... is five hundred dollars" "you owe me 35 kisses it's for charity" "come here come here badges please" "there's so much cool stuff here oh that's really nifty there's so much going on" "CHIBI CHAN!" "CHIBI CHIBI CHIBICHAN CHIBI CHAAAAAN" "CHIBI CHAAAAN" "CHIBI CHAN!" "Hey look!" "CHIBI" "I don't have a problem with you man we can both enjoy the con, ok?" "you go your way, and I'll go mine" "CHIBI CHAN what the hell did you just say to me?" "ah CHIBI.. huh?" "CHAN!" "you think I'm just gonna stand here and take that, huh?" "CHIBI CHAN?" "we may have a situation" "take it back, take it back is this man bothering you?" "this is no man!" "hey, hey hey hey hey sorry sorry sorry, our friend's dehydrated that humidity and air you guys, totally worth taking those ewoks" "I hate ewoks!" "CHIBI CHAN" "good game well played" "how are you doing this?" "were you just pretending not to play?" "because I need a pity victory because I'm a girl?" "I'm five and one today dude hey, not what he's thinking at all" "I mean your, eh... you... you... being elite is not even on his mind right?" "you ok?" "so... what does it matter if he just learned how to play the game?" "he's... what are you today?" "four and two he's four and two do you know what that means?" "I do." "It means that if he wins the next match we all advance alright?" "that's some go team stuff right there right?" "that's why we're here female shoo!" "you got a pretty mouth" "Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen" "It is as I feared war has come to Holden the dread army of Ixhasa marches against us at the very least we can stop wondering when they come" "the undead are already burning our crops blading our fields they aim to starve us out!" "if anything we can thank them for using consistent tactics one mo" "what quest awaits us?" "to pale mountain?" "we need to stop an army not have questions answered the apple of life then?" "no one's died besides we'd never complete it why wouldn't I complete it?" "because they'd never find your body this card needs to be torn in half to activate the quest reward it's a rare rare a Gencon participation card from 98 there were only 500 of these ever printed just slide that back in your deck" "then where are we bound with the dead at our door?" "plague of locusts on your farm consistent tactics plague of locusts on your other farm" "I take the field turn" "here let's find a most peculiar lamp with all haste thwarting with skinny" "according to my father's notes the lamp was entombed in the wall" "winded old man?" "ehhhh you again" "I'm... sorry?" "you're about to wish for a bountiful harvest to feed your people and torrential rain to turn your home battlefield to mud this will stymie the dread army and buy you enough time to quest for victory, yay... yeah that sounds good" "well?" "yes, we'll do that" "you actually have to say that you... we wish for a... bountiful harvest which is ho in this season and pairs quite nicely with... torrential rain and maya for my third" "that is a bounty you're the first guy to knock a legacy player out of the tournament ok, so, these you can totally redeem for other cards and this book is a history of the game" "ok... so he can play ok so he can play hell yes he can play!" "you lost!" "to whom?" "who the hell is that?" "some punk throwing vintage quests out of Holden quests?" "you lost to a quest deck?" "fascinating... your wishes are granted" "I thank you to Holden?" "oh no need your enemy has withdrawn how can you know that?" "because... this is hardly the first time we've done this dance it's not always the same enemy and it's not always you or the pair'em and you are not always victorious" "you do usually have the turnip though ignore him he'd trick you out of your last wish does this have something to do with this... sense that I've been living the same moments over, and over again?" "my... you are a perceptive one excuse us" "what are you talking about?" "it's hard to say, it's it's... it's a feeling like a dream you can't quite remember a sense that we've done it all before like we're trying to remember the steps to a dance that we can't" "quite recall until we're dancing it again the phrase you're looking for which from a language of artiste and romance is deja vu" "I would know more of this how to explain... this realm is locked in a quantum state" "your world exists only as possibilities this encounter is but one of many iterations shadows... like the one you may become of a single true reality that has yet to be determined when this version of events fade it will do so as a dream" "but one you will not remember for it will never have occurred and you will return to the place you always do" "I am summoned to the queen with no memory this has happened a thousand times before" "this can't be true this can't possibly be true" "good to be here it's good to be here" "so... iron chops" "Jayce would like to invite you..." "Oh.. no no no, and others..." "Jayce and other members of the alliance would like to invite you to the LARP tonight" "sorry, I don't LARP" "I'm not a.." "LARPER so, furries are people that LARPers make fun of and LARPers are people that gamers make fun of and gamers are people that people make fun of plus I'm gaming with my group for the first time in like... a year, so... which sounds" "that sounds awesome that's very cool but if you change your mind for real you are invited so please stop by" "what's happening?" "is the world ending?" "not ending... just resetting." "and we'll not remember this?" "I won't forget, I couldn't" "I'll remember it all stop that you can't know what I'm going to say gargoyle lemon tart dance on my face!" "there is one rather major variation this time around" "I'm surprised you haven't spotted it you only used two..." "I wish to remem... so..." "I made it to the elimination round no surprises there ok, so, where were we?" "ah, yes... the shadow no wilk wait, I want to savor this it's been so long" "ok, go the shadow welcomes you into his chamber please, sit" "I'm pretty certain he's dead are you certain?" "quite" "I'm afraid the homicidal slattern murdered him with my minion knife see?" "oh yes, of course." "minion knife?" "well yea, not gonna get minion blood all over my main weapon how are you a cleric?" "the lord works in mysterious ways enough of your games, demon games?" "what have I done other than offer you refreshment and watch you reassassinate my servant?" "the girl, the princess, where is she where did you take her?" "now that, is a matter of no light conversation" "please, sit" "that wasn't so bad now, was it?" "it's been so long since I've had stimulating conversation" "CHIBIII CHAAAAN no!" "no!" "CHIBI CHAAAN!" "well we've lost Gary" "so... same time next year?" "you got a lot of nerve showing your face around here look dude you can't harass the mascots ok?" "(Cease your chattering, manflesh) chill (Or you shall meet the same doom as your friends)" "we might need security" "CHIBI CHAN (That's right, I killed them)" "CHIBI CHAAAN (I killed them all)" "CHIBI CHAN (Their tears were delicious)" "CHIBI CHAN!" "(and there's nothing you could do to stop me)" "CHIBI CHAN!" "(JUST LIKE LAST TIME!" ")" "dude, are you ok?" "I need security in the ... small room every damn con" "CHIBI CHAN" "If we cannot come to some accord find some way to trust each other and form a united front the Ixhasa will reach the god head seat and an age of darkness will consume us all and out of character that means questing is dead" "and I'd rather not have that happen on my watch the Tuatha will join the alliance with Holden if you hand over the traitor Dundereal you do not represent the Tuatha you speak for the Unseely" "The Unseely won the war and so we are the Tuatha the price for our cooperation is your Seely prince" "Never!" "nice timing by the way thanks did someone mention prices?" "we of ash are listening what Malchior needs is food yet you built your kingdom on a mountaintop food or land." "Give us a farming province we'll send you an army no sell it to us, we'll give you a good price why should it fall to us to fight the dreaded army it's clear whose fault this is" "Arcanix they shattered the new mountain with their magics and exposed the sea you will not put this on us no.. excuse me you provoked them with your crazy magics that pyramid was under water till you woke them up" "and now that we have awoken you are all doomed if you want our help it might be wise not to insult us all of you!" "all doomed if it's anyone's fault its yours a city king bomb was supposed to destroy the seat entirely" "what... what?" "dudes seriously those costumes are unreal you guys went all out" "ok a little too into it" "why does it keep happening?" "nice!" "can barely tell the tale" "I'm so glad you changed your mind" "I was hoping you'd come why aren't you wearing a costume?" "oh I, I am, I'm LARPING as a guy who hates LARPING she's behind me isn't she?" "yea... directly." "look, this may look stupid to you but it's one of the highlights of my year so if you're gonna be a colossal dick just go dick it up in the corner" "where were we?" "you were belittling us so much for your vaunted technology so how is it I haven't seen you at a tourney?" "vintage cards like that you just don't find them laying around ah they're a friend's" "I'm just passing through well enjoy it while you can this might be going away a lot of players are leaving the game yeah, but, not these guys" "really?" "aren't these your most hardcore fans?" "they can't stand to see what the legacy is doing to the game con after con tourney after tourney what they need is hope really" "what they need is a champion" "I'm just passing through" "hey we didn't see you complain when our a-bomb blew up the god king and that was our last chance to get home we'd help miss but there's just goddamn too few of us we can't risk open warfare and leave the home state undefended" "what about your neighbors would they be of any help?" "HAH!" "the Hujem?" "you remember the god king" "arrrr... we'll have no dealings with the displaced let the dead take them but if one of us falls, we all fall the strong of faith will prevail forget it a waste of time you really need to get over this minor dispute with the displaced" "minor dispute?" "they killed our god!" "and we'd do it again!" "not helping!" "there will be no accord it's not enough that doom is on the march we must be complicit in our own downfall" "and where are you?" "because you're clearly not here" "I'm really not what would you say if I told you that none of this matters?" "nothing happening here that it's all for naught" "I'd say I don't understand" "I however do at a diplomatic summit?" "you were not invited it was open to the representatives of the nine empires, was it not?" "and is Ixhasa not one of the nine?" "there's a lad a word with your lady" "she's not my lady so you know it's liberating isn't it knowing that the fate of our world is not determined by us" "I don't believe you" "I don't need you to believe me we're but pieces on a board fleshling toyed with by powers unaware of our existence powers that favor Ixhasa" "the hands that deal our fate do so in our favor the outcome has already been determined" "you need not die with the rest of your people" "Dundereal need not die with the rest of your people" "what has come over you?" "you just do not understand!" "nothing we do her matters!" "we cannot affect the outcome!" "the entire world is at stake the entire world the kingdom your father build and you speak of abandoning perhaps we can escape the cycle oh get a hold of yourself!" "Did you win?" "it's a LARP oh so you all lost?" "where'd she go?" "hey cardligula you seen Natalie around here anywhere?" "ah, you're confused you see in human society when someone asks a question unless she's a card in one of these decks" "I haven't seen her did you see me beat that starvation deck today?" "I quested the shit out of it you beat the lowest ranking member of the legacy with a deck they'd never seen congratulations are not yet in order" "riiiight oh uhmmm, Jayce and Natalie and some of the story players have this whole little alliance thing going" "I have no dealings with the lesser kingdoms" "is that a starvation deck?" "cuz if it is..." "I'm sorry did I interrupt your sentence with the middle of my ritual?" "you dropped this" "in each... in each of these envelopes is a potential future for the nine empires nine versions of the story depending on who wins the god head seat by a vote of 37:19 the regional qualifying winners have chosen war over diplomacy" "and as a result the elimination round will be played under conquest rules any unique hero killed from this point forward will be permanently dead in the storyline" "Buxtehude, you are summoned to the..." "Buxtehude... something's different it certainly is" "I'm so sorry if I... stop" "do you regret this at all?" "would you change it?" "have had it never happened?" "and in what way have you wronged either of us" "Buxtehude!" "You are summoned to the quee... sleep" "is it my turn?" "and that's 50 turn" "ahhh ok... good game?" "yeah something like that" "you too?" "yeah but I tagged every card he played his whole deck, right there this guy could ruin our plans" "Sean Cassidy vs. Chris Hunter we're switching tactics you're gonna lose to the quest deck what?" "come on I can take this guy you don't need to take him, you need to kill off his heroes we were tarred for conquest rules let's use them understand me?" "sweep the leg well?" "coming?" "brilliant, brilliant!" "we've seen too much of their army for this to be a split attack" "Holden is not the target we are!" "why we're but two people?" "two people tying up their army let them pursue us it means Holden's safe is it now?" "I gave you an out you remember Skafla" "Unerring strike that won't thwart the quest I win next action" "yeah without one of your heroes so who's for the chop?" "sleep" "ok thanks" "ok who was it?" "wow... wow... hey hey" "good luck tomorrow congrats on making the semis thanks same to you" "Dundereal" "That's yeah" "you know I actually won the tournament that... brought him to Holden it really, really hurts my deck it got wicked bonuses with Myriad in play" "I don't know how I'm gonna make up the difference that's why it's sad?" "because your deck suffers mechanically?" "not because Myriad lost the love of her life?" "what it's not enough to win the damn tournament?" "I have to get everyone's favorite character across the goal line as well?" "and I'm telling you it is the best way to kill a hydra ignore the heads with the teeth and just keep chopping dong until so many have grown back... to gracefully change the subject if you'd all just sit" "how long are you gonna keep me cooped up in here?" "I've been wondering that myself till you're ready to not start any shit with CHIBI CHAN so... gaming?" "Anyone?" "can we play?" "can you?" "you have half a party yes, yes we can!" "we could still play, see?" "hey everyone this campaign's dangerously unboring but don't worry, I'm here to fix it first off, we're gonna avoid combat whenever possible and negotiate with inferior opponents and remember take everyone's feelings into account" "especially random one-off NPC's with no continuing story tee hee girl stuff kiss me up you big handsome pally muah muah mmmmuah see?" "can't even tell the difference and how are you going to play without a game master?" "who's controlling me, for instance finally!" "if it's either of the we're starting now deliver us from the undead!" "please win the tournament save our heroes take this in tribute who is it?" "ahhmmm another bunch of freaks convinced I'm their messiah" "is this... is this merv?" "close the door before Gary gets loose oak in the wind baby damnit!" "excuse me" "Gary!" "thanks!" "hey hey, hey guys could you just give us a minute?" "like, go into his room yeah cool the hell was that!" "we lost Gary containment and... now a bunch of card floppers are in my room offering me bounties baby naming rights if I beat the undead" "I'm sorry, I did not mean to get everyone's hopes up their hopes are up because they think you can save our game" "I know!" "it's so stupid it's not even why I'm here!" "Right you're here for a piece of ass hey oh, I'm sorry is that not the entire reason you came to Gencon?" "don't have a stroke I get it hot gamer chick the latest in fantasy fuck toys another game to be won and walked away from don't need to know anything else do you?" "but you don't, right?" "know... anything else about me" "at all" "yeah that's about what I thought and you wonder why I think you're a joke you may be too cool for this game or the people who play it but I'm not so please excuse me if I'm not swooning over" "someone whose idea of a good time is shitting all over the thing that I love why do you even care?" "all I've ever see is these asshats turning you down and ignoring you they're fawning all over me and you've been kicking ass for what, years?" "go join the legacy you belong with them" "Natalie..." "Natalie!" "hey, quest-hole you're coming with us" "really?" "cuz it looks like I'm doing the exact opposite looks like we got us a frisky one maybe you don't hear so good or maybe you need me to explain how things work around here but I said you're coming with us OH!" "oh!" "what the hell, man?" "are we not fighting?" "I thought we were fighting" "I'm a hemophiliac you dickwad!" "I'm sorry it was clear to me that we were fighting" "I have to go to the hospital I'm pressing charges fine, just least the way I'll go just... don't bleed on me" "number one team team hurray ninja dragon riders secret rock star USA ninja dragon riders honoring techniques of our ancestor now revenged" "ah?" "yeah!" "ninja dragon riders what a show huh?" "so sad what happened they deserved better yes they did!" "I hate that chibichan strutting around the con like we're gonna forget it was his fault the show went off the air yes!" "yes exactly!" "gone, boom all of those plot lines unresolved oshee, is she ever gonna know her daughter is still alive?" "huh?" "or Hekaru is he ever gonna collect the seven dragon crystals?" "we'll never know!" "and you know why?" "that fuckin rabbit he puts his show on in the exact same timeslot as NDR sucks away all the ratings we never even got a change to say goodbye that's so crazy you know it's like you're reading my mind!" "CHIBI CHAN!" "(Now we have you)" "CHIBI CHIBI CHAN!" "(There is no escape)" "CHIBI CHAN (DOOM!" ")" "CHIBI... (YOUR SOUL IS MINE!" ")" "(MINE!" ") (MUA HA HA H---)" "yeah!" "rabbit season!" "hey!" "blast him!" "you!" "pack your bags all the rest of you out come on, let's go move along move along" "let's go move along move along come on" "now Mr. Cassidy" "I suppose you're wondering why you've been brought here today no not really" "a common theme one finds in classical mythology is the belief that all events are predetermined that all outcomes have already been decided by gods weaving together the strands of fate" "on a related note you may call me weaver no" "I'm sorry?" "no I'm gonna call you..." "Lewis you look like a Lewis to me" "I see that we are evenly matched not really no is this going somewhere?" "you're a good player, yes but new inexperienced you'd be wise to ally with us go your own way if you must but be warned, we set our agenda into motion years ago and it is unstoppable now" "we're gonna turn this into another poker another magic starvation is just a tactic to frustrate the story players and it's working, it's driving them away from the game with them gone, the publishers need to look for different revenue streams" "a.k.a sponsored tournaments with cash prizes and that means money you hear me?" "getting paid to play games wait that's it?" "that's the big evil plan?" "what about the story?" "fuck the story!" "that's just there to keep people invested and after we kill questing when I win tomorrow in a couple of years the only players left will be guys like us and you could be a part of that... oh... did you just brain freeze yourself?" "no... the legacy has dominated the tourna scene yeah ok we're done here" "you're doomed if you cross us!" "I'll keep that in mind we're more powerful than you can possibly imagine" "I'm sure you are... what's up?" "do it" "no no no, aaah!" "can't we just accept that he's not coming?" "the finals start at noon it's not noon ergo, the finals haven't started yet he's coming right?" "why would I know that?" "nice lecter I'm not cosplaying!" "hey" "I heard about what happened it's a shame shame was definitely involved" "history of the nine empires weird reading about it in the third person" "you know I played in some of the tournaments that helped write the early chapters yeah?" "yeah!" "fall of the god king founding of Holden was a great time in the game you know what I loved about it?" "the fact that it was never just about what you yourself were doing" "I mean, not if you were in the tournament circuit when you had years of other players accomplishments to consider to live up to and you get onto that stage and all of those people pulling for different factions my hands were actually shaking during some of the matches" "and the cry havocs?" "where everyone's howling at the top of their lungs?" "and it barrels down in your chest and focuses things like a laser and puts you in a state of no mind how many games have you played where you control the landscape of what's to come?" "where you drive the game?" "where you're part of the story" "I did not know this world existed and now that you do what the hell are you doing out here?" "the finals are going on and you said this girl was worth it what's changed?" "yeah it's this way yeah" "that's what's up baby ah!" "Cas!" "where have you been?" "I'm really sorry the finals start in like now!" "look I'm really sorry" "I can't play tonight ok sure you can get up there, kick ass my deck's gone burnt actually guess who did it no no no no you you'll hey hey hey hey hey it's ok you still got a champion oh no" "still got a champion she's sitting right there oh no no you're not playing?" "I accept your concession sidebar now!" "what is your angle, ok?" "how is this supposed to get me in bed?" "when it started it was all I was after but then" "Kinda against my will I got invested in the story, Myriad and the group" "and if I had my deck I'd hurl it headlong into getting our queen on the throne date or no so quit wasting time on me and go kick some undead ass" "hey buddy have you got Cas's deck list?" "ah yes but I can't give it to you listen up people" "ok so we've got.. oh sh... we've got eight minutes to rebuild Cas's deck or he can't play hey look I know, I know it's not gonna be easy right, some of these cards have been out of play since" "forever but I have seen them!" "I know we have them as trophies as trade stock so please dig deep people everybody's gonna get their cards back, but this" "this here is to stop the undead this" "this is for Countermay!" "let's save the world cards up everybody lets go thank you thank you oh my... ok good good good I don't deserve this" "no but this isn't about you beautiful what you got?" "oh that's coming back to you!" "why?" "because I've had enough you're gonna keep doing this until you get whatever it is our of your system so you just... go!" "and if I see you on the news tomorrow" "I will deny you three times you can take the mask off" "no" "I kinda like it thank you thank you thank you we are so... we're so close" "we're one short alright?" "it's a hang on kind of a... huge one" "I need an apple of life who's got one?" "who's got one?" "anybody apple of life come on we just need one we got it" "I could use some help against the undead" "go team you damn right" "Ixhasa, Malchior, Holden in one of these envelopes lies the future of Countermay" "today we crown a new high monarch today we shall have a reckoning" "today we shall cry havoc!" "HAVOC!" "cry havoc!" "HAVOC!" "and lets slip the dogs of war!" "CHIBI..." "CHIBI CHAN" "cannot wait to get my beer on hey no autographs dude" "Buxtehude, you are... not again" "I had hoped for a more even match upon a return engagement" "I see I'm to be disappointed..." "I have never had such a bad draw it's like these cards have a mind of their own will Myriad be joining us?" "it's like she's not even in here!" "what do you mean, gone?" "her chamber is empty and there's a map missing from the cache which map?" "yours is a world of many possibilities, yes and few are aware of all the versions played out before the course of events resolves what of those who control our destiny?" "the ones playing games with our fate?" "you have it backwards!" "these players do not determine the fate of Countermay they are reading its history and through a means of divination as old as time" "cards?" "it is as I predicted your quest tricks may get you through the Swiss but they will not hold up against an elite build in the elimination round there is no time left to quest majesty" "Malchior is here the hell have you been?" "do we stand any chance of defeating them in a pitched battle?" "None well then..." "Chealy?" "to battle!" "quite liked Myriad it's a pity another Buxtehude has to die because you two overestimated yourselves" "I got nothing damnit!" "this is why we hunt and you gather" "Lewis weaver advances to the final round" "great game Natalie" "I am here to treat with your queen" "I've seen you beat a legacy starvation deck a feat I myself have been... unable to accomplish what's that have to do with anything?" "a test draw!" "that's what I saw you doing you were doing a test draw against starvation" "If I tailor the deck to beat starvation I leave myself open to military it was a gamble you overestimated yourself touche" "I propose an alliance oh so now you want an alliance watch your tone" "I'm one turn away from crushing your pathetic little army an army that, oddly enough... has show that it can beat starvation" "so here's my offer support Malchior in exchange we will meet the dread army in the field and delay them long enough for Buxtehude to quest for victory should you succeed" "you will choose king hammerdoom of Malchior to sit the god head seat" "and Myriad will marry prince Rannon to make our alliance permanent reject this offer and Holden burns accept this offer and I will concede this match" "this is my choice" "my answer is yes then our swords are yours" "what's wrong with you?" "(Don't listen to me --) where are we?" "(my voice is full of lies)" "That's not my real mouth" "Gary" "Hekaru?" "Is that really you?" "No, not really just another hallucination born out of your rapidly deteriorating mental state" "I blame the energy drinks don't try to stop me" "I can't stop you that's not really why I'm here" "I'm here to ask you one simple question is this what a ninja dragon rider would do?" "you know what he did to you!" "I certainly do and if you truly believe that this is the right way to honor our memory torch the fucker!" "but you're gone you and all the other ninja dragon riders" "you're gone, Hekaru acceptance is the final step" "and all the deliciously appropriate revenge in the world won't bring you back" "Remember us Gary remember us and we shall rider our dragons which are also ninjas across the skies forever" "there there let it all out" "ok... getting a little weird now" "thank you Hekaru" "I think that I'm ready to hate productively again" "I'm gonna be ok" "I'm gonna be ok" "hello a little help please the final round will take place with Ixhasa" "and an alliance between Malchior and Holden" "You should have been one of us man hell you are one of us dude, I'm nothing like you it's not too late to join you know you and me we could rule this scene" "cut the crap and your deck allright but consider this the Meach the guy who beat you in 9 cards he's afraid to play me music!" "don't look surprised you had to know that it would end this way your choices sealed your fate before we had begun to play stop blaming luck and chance poor craftsmen only blame their tools remind the other fools what happens when they face the legacy" "we are the legacy!" "what have you brought us?" "nothing the emissary of the dread army it's like she know every move I'm gonna make she's everywhere thwarting every quest" "we won't last much longer" "I have only one quest left one we've never attempted" "I was wondering when you'd arrive" "the apple of life" "which blossoms... once a millennium" "and has enough life force to raise an entire army" "shall I eat it?" "return to the golden ageless life of the fey" "we could run away together spend more stolen moments in side chambers" "of course..." "Holden will fall and it's people join the dread army but if that's what meant to happen who are we to prevent it" "I understand now what you were trying to tell me about our world the emissary filled me in when she gave me the gift you are not Dundereal shall I prove it?" "in more intimate ways a string of kisses down your spine perhaps" "I will kill you one hand in the small of your back the other at your navel to steady you hoist you, like a mainsail" "take my word, little girl for I've been around long enough to know there is no escape from predeterm... we make our own fate old man" "five short too bad you won't last the turn" "for this?" "my army's starved and died for this bit of sodding fruit?" "it can raise the dead!" "the dead are here you may have lost the kingdom to save one man saving Dundereal was never my intent" "activating apple of life not that it really matters but who are you raising from the dead?" "you" "oh you clever bitch" "what just happened?" "I believe he just resurrected your entire army an entire army that you now have to feed and yep, you don't have any food production on your board holy sex balls he just starved a starvation deck" "did you just forget that my entire army will reanimate next turn?" "did you just forget that I'm 2 renown away from victory?" "no not like this" "best game I've had in years" "so who's our monarch?" "the Mach's guy king hammerdom hammer doom it is a time of celebration" "the dread army falls defeated by an alliance of might and metal where her father buried the god head seat" "Myriad put an ally upon it assuring beyond all doubt that more than one Buxtehude will live on in legend!" "we won we won we did it we did it we did it we did it everybody" "get naked!" "da Vinci mark your student... acquitted himself well today" "and yours got a little out of hand admittedly so" "I'll be far more discriminating the next time I elect to train a team the game can't survive another legacy the game misses you" "the game's in good hands" "Meach..." "Leo... actually... my flight doesn't leave for another 6 hours do you wanna get a bear?" "hell yes and I'm buying thank you Simm" "dearly beloved we are gathered here before the eyes of god... of all gods to recognize the wedding of Myriad Buxtehude of Holden and prince Rannon of Malchior" "so congrats, you saved our world please, that's a little dances with wolvesy" "I won a card game" "I was gonna go last samuraiesque or avatarish perhaps we're really talking about birth of a nation except your not a racist fuck(?" ") indeed indeed not" "I'm a dick not an asshole an important distinction hi thanks" "you're gonna want to wipe your prints off that thanks for the tip" "so..." "I suppose you'll be expecting that date now?" "naah" "I didn't actually get your monarch on the throne plus I owe you an apple of life card. you and Leo it died for a good cause" "lets face it, getting a date with the whole I did X so you own me Y thing is kinda... douchy" "well, you're kind of a douche bag so... kinda expecting you to contradict me there why?" "it's true so uh... will I be seeing you at the next regional qualifier?" "I think you might cool" "I hear you know this great waffle place maybe we grab some coffee after, sling some cards, talk about the game" "I'd like that see you around Cas" "wife" "I have something for you a belated wedding present" "what is this?" "the roots of the tree of life grow through many worlds there is another realm where the apples of life blossom a world far closer to the root we may still be able to save your love" "our marriage is one of strategic interest but that doesn't mean that we have to suffer for it" "oh... my am I early?" "I was just leaving go save your love" "and leave behind that ridiculous dress suits you not at all" "father try to keep up" "what else is there to say?" "you were such an important part of my life and... and it's just isn't the same without you" "and I miss you but even though you're gone" "I still love you" "I always will" "thank you for the time that we spent together, and... and wherever you are" "may you unite the seven dragon crystals of destiny the same way that you united the seven dragon crystals of my heart" "can I get a minute guys?" "of course, you bet thanks" "number one king team hurray ninja dragon riders secret rock star USA" "you can't take the sky from me" "a little left there a little more to the left" "now split the difference" "actually I don't know what I was thinking that's way too left oh come on are you ready?" "allright that's good thank you" "this guy thanks look, congratulations and everything but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to not have your face around polluting my favorite game anymor... they based a card on you oh look at that they totally did" "would you... sign this for me?" "sure game time yeah" "cool lose the beard, Jesus" "what a dick" "so... this sure seems familiar yeah haven't we all been here before?" "it's like deja vu all over again" "so... the shadow... now, give us the girl the girl was but a means to an end to lure the five of you here to kill us you?" "no... my quarrel was never with you the great secret I mentioned do you remember it?" "what is that?" "is that... oh my my quarrel has never been with you rather... it's been with those who've continually thwarted my plans" "now you..." "I have quite the quarrel with" "don't look surprised you had to know that it would end this way your choices sealed your fate before we had begun to play stop blaming luck and chance poor craftsmen only blame their tools remind the other fools what happens when they face the legacy" "we are the legacy!" "you story guys the answers there if you take time to look if narrative is what you crave why not just read a book?" "hey here's my story it's called winning you might give it a try you simply can't deny the awesome sauce that is the legacy" "we are the legacy" "gods are we can't you see who are we we are the legacy" "Coded from hearing Aviad Pineles" "Dedicated to my beloved wife lt;3lt;3lt;3lt;3lt;3"