"I do think being a sunburned guy" "Is a good costume for halloween." "We can't both do the same thing." "Come on." "Two sunburned guys is way funnier than one." "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow." "Come on and do it with me." "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow." "Ow." "Maybe you're right." "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow." "Ow, ow..." "Oh, perfect timing." "I can't figure out how to get this coffin lid on right." "Can y'all help me?" "Joy, we're not stupid." "What's gonna pop out of there and scare us?" "Nothing." "Nothing." "How about we just stand back over here" "And you show us how the lid works?" "Hey, earl." "Hey, crab man." "I told you that was a bad idea, joy." "Oh, don't worry, the kids won't punch that hard." "Is this why you called us over here?" "Course not." "If i just wanted to see you scream like a little bitch," "I'd make you sit through pumpkinhead again." "You're here because you need" "To give the boys a good halloween." "Joy was talking about #94 on my list" ""Ruined dodge and earl jr. 'S halloween. "" "I thought you were taking the kids trick-Or-Treating." "Oh, you wanted me to go with them?" "Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight," "Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!" "You need to throw a halloween party" "For the boys and everybody else in this neighborhood" "Who spent all night looking for 'em, not to mention me." "My hands were shaking so bad," "I could barely put my makeup on for the news crew." "Fine, i'll throw a party," "But you got to admit you loved it" "When they let you drive the speedboat" "When they were dragging the lake." "I had that thing humming." "Hey, darnell, willie let me borrow his glass eye" "For dodge and earl jr. 'S party." "I thought we could float it" "In the witches' pot," "But i can't find any of that spooky ice to go with it." "We tried pouring hot water over regular ice," "But you know what happened?" "It melted?" "You tried that, too, huh?" "Who's that with catalina?" "That's her nephew "o-Scar. "" "O" " Scar, like oscar but with an "o. "" "Her sister sent them to america for a vacation." "He arrived yesterday." "I swear i didn't order this." "Wait, are you a dishwasher?" "No." "Yeah, we didn't order this." "The really sad part is the waybill said" ""Bananas, magazines, and little boy. "" "I can't help but think" "Someone at customs wasn't doing their job." "I wish i had a little brother." "Thanks, earl." "Randy, you know it's on my list." ""Cost randy a little brother. "" "How'd you do that?" "Dad made mom get fixed after he caught earl playing a game" "Of "watch randy in the washing machine. "" "I swallowed a lot of bleach." "That's why i can't taste salt." "I put it on the gentle cycle." "You never tell that part of the story." "Well, if you're interested in getting a brother," "You can try the local office of "big bros, little bros. "" "Oh, yeah, i've seen their sign." "I always thought it was a hip-Hop clothing store" "With a huge range of sizes." "No, they match up needy young boys" "With older, mostly unmarried men" "Looking to take someone under their wing." "Surprisingly enough, usually it works out just fine." "So me and randy cleaned up," "Put on our sunday clothes, and went down" "To big bros, little bros." "So... tell me a little bit about yourself, randy." "Well, i'm 31 and i live in a motel." "I have three pairs of pants and five shirts," "And, uh... that pretty much sums me up" " Yeah." "Oh, and this is my brother earl." "We're very close." "We even sleep in the same bed." "B" " But not in a weird way, just in a "there's only one bed" way." "Yeah, and we sleep facing out," "So if anything touches, it's our butts and not our wieners." "Since there were way more little bros than big bros," "The counselor tried to give randy a shot." "You guys..." "This kid is a part of our hot potato game, too." "Now, just because he's going to be sitting in this chair" "For the rest of his natural life" "With those bright white shoes that'll never get dirty," "Doesn't make him any different from me or you." "Go ahead, throw him the ball." "There you go." "Way to include everyone." "Yeah." "Now who wants to play kickball?" "Yeah!" "Wait for me." "I was starting to have my doubts" "About whether randy would be a good big brother." "Duck, duck, goose." "You're still it." "But the people at the program didn't have any doubts at all." "They were sure." "I was actually kind of relieved" "Randy didn't get accepted as a big brother," "But i could never tell him that." "They screwed up, man." "They don't know what an awesome big brother is," "Because an awesome big brother is you." "I don't know where i went wrong." "You didn't randy." "You were perfect." "Those people are stupid." "A little brother doesn't have to be a person." "Maybe you could get a pet." "W" " Well, n-Not a pet." "Maybe a-A... a plant." "I hate plants!" "Plants suck!" "I'm sorry, plants." "I'm just mad." "Earl, could you give me a hand?" "There's a customer at club chubby" "Who thinks he's hilarious." "None of the other strippers will help me get it off." "They're just jealous 'cause they never get fives." "Well, do they get little brothers?" "'Cause then they should stop bitching" "And shut the hell up!" "I'm sorry, other strippers." "I'm just mad." "What's wrong with him?" "Randy wanted a little brother, but we couldn't find one," "So, now we've moved on to plants." "What about o-Scar?" "He could use a male influence in his life." "When he was a baby, his dad left to join the rebels." "They're a very popular singing group in my country." "Yeah." "I've seen their tapes on sale at the car wash, but..." "He could really use a good male role model." "Well, i'm no male model," "But i'd be a darn good big brother." "What do you think, earl?" "Yeah." "O" " Scar's definitely an option." "We'll keep him in mind" "If it doesn't work out with the plant." "No, i said i hated plants." "Wait a minute." "You don't think i can be a big brother, do you?" "No!" "No, no, no, no, randy." "Are you crazy?" "Of course i think you'd be a good big brother." "You're talking in the high-Pitched lying voice." "No, i'm not." "Then tell me in your normal voice" "You think i can do this." "Randy, are you crazy?" "I'll do it." "I was worried about randy taking care of o-Scar," "But i had my hands full of important party business." "How are they gonna play "pin the tail on the mummy,"" "If the first pin they stick in makes her pop?" "That's not realistic." "Realistic?" "Mummys don't have tails." "How do you know?" "Were you alive back then?" "Are you brendan fraser?" "Get me a mummy i can stick a damn pin in." "Well, leave this one." "I know two-Ply when i see it." "Darnell will be thrilled." "Hey, earl." "How's it going?" "Well, o-Scar lost a finger in the ferris wheel." "Randy, what the...?" "I'm just kidding." "He's fine." "'Cause i'm a great" "Big brother, no matter what you think." "We got that bandage from a car wreck we passed." "I'm going to the rest room." "You gonna drop a "dos"?" "Sí." ""Dos" means "poo" in spanish." "Randy?" "I saw it, earl." "I'll take care of it." "Randy waited for o-Scar to finish his "dos,"" "Then took him somewhere a little more private" "To have their talk." "O" " Scar," "Earl and me saw you steal those tips," "And stealing's wrong." "Now, i want you to go back there," "Return the money, and apologize," "And you'll feel better about yourself." "Phew!" "Yeah." "Huge relief." "That was a doozy," "But we got through it, little bro." "Now how about we just head back to the crab shack, and..." "Don't tell me what to do." "What?" "What are you doing?" "Satan." "Randy, check it out." "Me and magnum pi made a sign for the el camino." "Pretty cool sign." "If you don't want it shredded by satan, i'd leave it out here." "What?" "O" " Scar got upset about the stealing thing," "And now he's just a little bit completely possessed." "Randy, calm down." "He's probably just trying" "To get out of trouble for stealing." "Hey, o-Scar, we need to..." "Come on out, o-Scar." "Acting possessed doesn't scare me." "I got a cousin with tourette's who's really religious." "It's very similar." "Randy, it was just the wind." "Come on, o-Scar." "Look, you're not going to freak me out." "Holy moses!" "Oh, my god, earl, those are voodoo dolls" "Of you and a fat guy with stains on his shirt." "Cute." "Look, o-Scar, you need to return the money you stole" "And quit trying to freak me out." "There's nothing you can do that i haven't done be" "Oh, god!" "Never did that." "Hey, catalina." "Hi." "I'll just be a minute." "Catalina," "We need to talk" "About your freaky little nephew." "Sorry, nick, we'll be out in a second." "That's okay." "O" " Scar's a little cutie, isn't he?" "He sucks." "He's got randy convinced he knows voodoo," "And he blew dust in my eyes." "It's still burning." "You told him what to do, didn't you?" "He hates that." "By the way, it wasn't dust." "It's the ground bones of a graveyard sparrow." "They say it blinds you to the dangers" "That lie ahead." "It's also a great exfoliant." "Look, i got to go throw a party for joy's kids." "I don't have time for this." "You need to take your freak back." "No, i'm his big brother." "You're not acting like it." "You can't take care of him." "That's what you said about the goldfish." "You ate the goldfish." "You dared me." "O" " Scar can't stay" "With me" " Every time i tell him what to do," "He channels my dead grandmother," "And then she tells me what to do." "I can't live like that." "Well, then, box him up and send him home." "You said you'd take him, so he's yours." "I didn't think a crazy little kid" "Should be at the motel alone," "And randy didn't want to be left alone" "With a crazy little kid at the motel," "So we all headed over to joy's." "Great decorations, crab man." "That dead body in the front" "Of the trailer park looks real." "What dead body?" "The one the kids are jumping on." "I'll be right back." "Who are you supposed to be?" "Barbie" " Can't you tell?" "Taped my nipples down so my boobies are smooth." "Hey, it ain't goodie bag time." "Don't tell me what to do." "Look, maybe kids talk back" "From guatelatucky or wherever you're from," "But you must be el pollo loco" "If you think you can sass me like that." "Uh-Oh." "Randy:" "earl..." "Earl!" "What the hell?" "Ow!" "Joy:" "oh, my god." "I seen this before." "He's doing voodoo." "He's evil." "He's evil, he's evil!" "Joy had seen these signs before with her baby-Sitter." "What the hell?" "Never again, child," "Will you steal cigarettes out of my pocketbook." "You are cursed." "You will become pregnant before you are married." "Oh, snap." "He's full of voodoo." "You get him out of here before it starts" "Raining blood or he forces us to eat jerk chicken." "Joy, he's just a kid." "As was the omen, the exorcist" "And all them children of the corn." "The devil likes them young." "Probably gets in through that soft spot on their skull." "Come on, o-Scar, let's go." "And you can forget crossing the boys off your list." "Your freak child ruined the party!" "I'll see you halloween '09, dummy." "Randy:" "drop it, earl." "No, i'm not gonna drop it, randy." "He's messing with people's heads" "With all that fake voodoo," "And now he's messing with my list." "Because of him," "I can't cross off joy's kids until next halloween." "Karma's not gonna like that." "How come when you talk about voodoo it's always fake," "But then you run around scared of this silly," "Made-Up magic you call karma?" "'Cause karma's real." "I've seen it work." "I haven't seen proof that voodoo can do anything." "Earl, earl, earl, that's a randy doll." "He's got a randy doll." "It's just a doll, randy." "What's he doing?" "I don't like it, i don't like it!" "Nothing's gonna happen" " It's fake." "Nothing's happening, o-Scar." "Give it up." "I'm putting a curse on your brother" "That will make him scared, nervous and uneasy." "My god, it's working." "I am scared, nervous and uneasy." "Randy, it's not voodoo." "It's just power of suggestion." "He's messing with your mind." "Then it shouldn't matter if i do this." "Oh, god, voodoo's making us gay!" "You better kiss, or i'll make these dolls do something worse." "Put your tongue in my mouth, earl." "I don't want to do something worse." "Randy, he's just messing with your mind." "It's not real." "Then, how come i'm trying to kiss you?" "I would love to have a leisurely conversation" "With you right now where i say, "hey, earl,"" "You say, "hey, crab man," and then we go from there," "But there's no time for that." "You all got to get out of here." "Why?" "Joy's worried about what randy's young protégé" "Is gonna do with that hair he yanked off her," "So she formed a witch hunt posse," "And they're headed this way." "Since the mob was on their way to the motel," "We doubled back to buy some time." "Also, darnell had some stuff in the trailer" "To help us get away." "Why do you already have fake passports" "With our pictures on them?" "I was trained to think three steps ahead." "I saw this coming last december." "What do these pills do?" "They're cyanide- They'll kill you in 30 seconds." "What?" "!" "Just kidding, buddy." "I saw you take yours." "It's a multi-Vitamin- It's important" "To keep your immune system up when you're on the fun." "Man:" "bring 'em out!" "Bring 'em out!" "Crap, somebody at the motel must've tipped them off." "Earl and randy are your friends." "And that little boy hasn't hurt anyone." "Now let them go in peace!" "That little voodoo rikki freak cast a spell on my husband!" "Sorry, baby," "But it's for your own good." "Reverend, sprinkle some of that holy water on him." "Keep if off his hair." "You know black people." "It gets all crazy when it gets wet." "We're screwed." "Unless we give 'em o-Scar." "O" " Scar was in a bad spot." "For the first time, he really needed a big brother." "We're not giving 'em o-Scar." "Look at 'em, randy." "We're not sending him out there." "Don't worry, buddy." "Everything's gonna be all right." "O" " Scar's my little brother." "And i'm gonna stand by him the way a big brother's supposed to." "The way you always have for me." "Besides, you know" "I've always wanted to fight 30 people at once." "You've got one hell of a big brother, kid." "And as long as people" "Were defending their little brothers..." "Come on, you punks!" "Give me your best..." "It was a fairly one-Sided fight." "By that, i mean they stuck mostly" "To stomping the left side of my head" "And the left side of my ribcage." "Remember, reverend, disco's bad." "I'll be your alibi, you be mine." "We were at the library." "It didn't look good." "Me and randy were stuck and there was nothing left" "To stop joy and her angry mob." "Then i saw it." "Ah!" "And standing up for o-Scar," "Randy had finally got to feel" "What it's like to be a big brother." "If i crossed him off the list, maybe karma would save us." "He made a doll of me." "And she's got no boobies." "Please don't stab my doll." "Don't kill me." "Kill him." "If he dies, he knows where he's goin'." "I'm not gonna kill anyone." "The knife is to cut the pumpkin pie" "For the halloween party your dolls are having." "I just want you to stop hurting my big brother." "And i want everyone to be happy." "Karma's a powerful thing." "Apparently, seeing the good in me and randy" "Made o-Scar want to be good, too." "And lucky for o-Scar," "The power of suggestion is also a powerful thing." "People must've liked seeing themselves having fun" "At that doll party because, before you knew it," "That was exactly what was happening." "Turns out, i wasn't gonna have to wait" "Until next year to cross off dodging earl junior after all." "This is the best halloween ever!" "Even if i can never straighten my arm again." "I'm gonna go ask big joe to give it a pull." "Now, karma got us out of that one, huh?" "What?" "My list item." "I crossed it off in time" "And karma made you stop freaking everybody out" "With your fake voodoo." "I didn't stop doing voodoo." "I saved you guys with voodoo." "You would've gotten killed if i didn't put" "A party spell on these idiots to keep them from hurting you." "Party spell?" "Come on, you made their dolls have a party" "'Cause karma wanted you to do something good." "If you wanted to help us with voodoo," "You would've stuck pins in their dolls." "I couldn't find any pins." "Yeah, well, maybe karma didn't want you to find any pins." "Seeing everyone finally getting along," "I started to realize that it didn't matter." "Call it karma." "Call it voodoo." "Whatever works for you works." "And there's no use arguing about it anymore." "Yeah, good thing me" "And the minister scared the devil" "Out of that little freak." "Reverend heinzworth thinks i've got" "Great leadership skills." "Said that god wants me to run for mayor." "Good for you." "Like i said," "There was no point arguing."