"Liv..." "Liv, wake up." "Come on!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Let's go!" "Almost there!" "Don't look down." "Look at me, look at me." "Come on." "Keep coming." "It's okay, it's okay." "There you go." "Grab my hand." "I got you." "Oh, hello, miss grey." "Hi." "How are you?" "Well, thank you." "Sorry to keep you waiting." "Oh." "No." "Not a problem at all, sir." "Listen, I wanted to tell you myself that you have the highest consistent gpa of your class which means, at this rate, you're going to be the person to beat for valedictorian." "That's great." "I thought you'd be more excited." "Oh, I am." "But there is still a whole year left, so..." "Where are you thinking you'll apply for next fall?" "Yale." "I've always planned on going to Yale." "Well, you have a very impressive record, miss grey." "I think you're gonna have a lot of wonderful opportunities." "If you like, I've made up this list of schools that I think would be wonderful for you to consider along with Yale." "I'm sure if you set your mind to it, you could get into all of them." "At the beginning of every year, we have endless time." "You're the top of our class." "You should be celebrating tonight." "I might be." "I don't want to celebrate something that I might be." "Come on." "It's a Monday." "No." "It's like we pretend that death isn't coming." "I mean, we're all gonna die, aren't we?" "All right." "Show of hands." "Who in here is not going to die?" "Anyone?" "Death is not something that we like to think about, but without death, we have no context, and if we have no context, we have no meaning." "Why are we breathing?" "I want you to take a look around right now." "There's your meaning." "Individually, we cannot create a life of meaning in the face of history, but together, your community, your family, your friends, you can build a life of meaning and leave a legacy." "Let us pray." "All right." "Now we're definitely throwing a party." "Oh, my god, shut up!" "It's not for you." "It's for the community." "Otherwise my life is meaningless." "Come on." "My parents aren't home." "My place." "Your face." "Wait, what are you doing to my sister's face?" "I'm throwing it a party." "Brack told her she's number one in our class." "Hey, don't tell Casey about it, though." "She's gonna be really weird." "All right." "Amen." " Amen." "And now for a few words from your senior class president," "Mr. Matthew grey!" "Hey." "The party is for you." "I have something special i want to give you." "Thank you!" "Oh, no." "What?" "Let me hear you make some noise for our seniors!" "You're gonna have to brave a party on Monday night to find out." "We'll always be together." "So how far did you run today, baby?" "Um, just around the loop and back." "Did you go to the top?" "No." "Why not?" "You go to the top, it's exactly 5 miles." "I used to run it every morning." "You're young." "You shouldn't have any problem." "My back these days, won't let me do anything." "And I asked you to stop making these potatoes." "I'm gaining weight again." "You love them." "I'm sorry your back's hurting, daddy." "Olivia's gonna be valedictorian." "Really?" "Matt..." "What?" "Sweetheart, that's amazing." "Why didn't you say something?" "'Cause there's still a whole year." "Well, what's gonna change?" "Olivia, sweetheart, you don't have to be so modest." "It's gonna help people to take you more seriously." "And let's face it, you're a beautiful girl, and that's the first thing and sometimes the only thing people see when they look at you." "Just like your mom." "What about you, Matthew?" "Are you gonna let your sister be the smart twin, or do grades not matter for the senior class president?" "Nah, not really." "All right." "Well, you better stay on track, Mattie boy, 'cause you're going to get tapped your freshman year." "Tom!" "What?" "I was." "I barely kept my grades with that social scene." "Phew!" "Ugh!" "I don't know." "I feel like i shouldn't have come." "This is the first night of school." "You're right." "You should go home, study." "We need to wean Julian off you, anyway." "Shut up." "Listen, Liv, this is your night, okay?" "I'm not gonna drink." "I'll stay sober." "We'll get home early." "Everything will be fine." "You just have to do one thing for me." "What?" "Have fun." "How am I gonna do it?" "You just kind of got to mingle and dance." "No!" "How am I ever gonna be away from you?" "I think it's gonna be all right." "You won't even think about me." "You won't." "We want to get the circle going." "Come on, give me a circle." "All right!" "Let's go create a legacy." "How you doing, man?" "What's up, man?" "Come on." "There he is." "Oh, come on now." "What's up, Dave?" "What's up?" "J!" "Tie this girl to a seat and give her a shot before she changes her mind." "Hey, where are your parents?" "Now, what is the point of buying a goddamn houseboat, Cheryl, if you can't use it?" "Lucky." "Here." "Uh, I'm good, man." "I'm good." "I shall abstain." "No, Matt." "Come on." "Hey, I can totally drive home." "Ladies, gentlemen!" "A moment of your time, please, to celebrate my wonderful sister." "Oh, my god." "May her reign of academic glory actually realize without her collapsing in total flames of failure." "Liv!" "Thanks, bro." "Thanks." "Cheers, Liv." "Oh, come on, all of it." "Oh!" "Matt!" "Shit." "Sorry." "Hey, Casey." "How you doing, girl?" "Good." "How are you?" "Good." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey, Liv!" "Congrats." "Matt told me." "Oh, cool." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Cool." "Uh... 11:45 at the car, okay?" "Don't be late." "Try and have some fun." "Okay." "Hi." "Hi." "Here." "Um..." "I think I should probably just stick with one." "Can we just stay in here?" "I don't wanna go back out." "It's too loud out there." "Yeah, we can stay in here." "I want my present." "Okay." "Sorry." "It's okay." "Hey." "There are lyrics, i promise." "I know." "Yeah, I hear your point, but the question is..." "Yes?" "...Have you read it?" "The catcher in the rye?" "Uh-huh." "That is offensive." "No, no, no." "I'm not talking about, like, "hey, I'm 15 and angsty..."" "Petrovich." "What up, dude?" "I mean, actually read it." "I mean, the last passage where he's watching his sister on the merry-go-round." "I mean, come on, that is just heartbreaking." "It's great." "Did you say great?" "Yeah." "Oh, my god." "You heartless wench." "You do not deserve what's behind this door." "Really?" "Mmm-hmm." "Shit!" "Let's go." "I didn't know what time it was." "Now." "I keep on banging my head on this window." "Oh, wait until you get to bed and close your eyes." "You'll be spinning." "I can't believe you." "You were the one who told me to have fun." "Just... don't." "You left me, anyways." "Don't." "The second we got there to be with Casey." "Liv..." "Liv, shut up, all right?" "What is your problem?" "You are." "You have something to drink and you turn into a complete idiot." "What happened, Matt?" "Nothing." "He's like family." "It's disgusting." "It's wrong." "You told me to have fun." "You said it." "Yeah, I did." "I did, and you went out there and you acted like a drunken slut." "You know what?" "It's none of your business." "None of my business?" "It's none of your business!" "None of my business." "I'm your brother!" "Of course it's my business!" "Yeah, well, i don't need you to look out for me!" "What?" "Matt!" "Am I gonna die?" "It was an accident." "I love you, Matt." "I love you, too." "Hi." "Hi." "Hey." "How are you doing?" "I'm okay." "What about you?" "Where is she?" "I'm gonna go upstairs." "All right, sweetheart." "Sweetheart." "Hi." "Hi." "Here." "Oh, no, thanks..." "Have something to eat." "You should." "Thanks." "Olivia?" "I brought you some dinner." "Thanks." "I didn't mean to push you." "It was an accident." "They died because i touched them." "The mom left." "She left them alone." "I didn't want you to see." "Am I gonna die?" "You can't die because we're gonna die at the same time." "I promise." "Promise me, too." "I promise." "I called you in here just to check in with you, to see how you are." "So, how are you?" "Um, it hasn't been the greatest month of my life." "Miss grey, your brother was an incredible young man." "I can't express to you how sorry we are for your loss." "For the loss we all felt from his passing." "But to lose a twin, it must have been beyond difficult." "I'm sure anyone could understand you falling behind a bit during these times." "Do I not have the highest grades anymore?" "Olivia, this isn't about your work." "Your teachers have assured me that you can catch up." "Who does?" "You're a very motivated young woman, aren't you?" "I will make it up." "Mr. brack, miss Hayden's here to see you." "Listen, if there's anything you need from me, please, let me know." "Liv..." "Liv, wake up." "Matt?" "Matt!" "I missed you so much!" "I missed you, too." "Please don't ever leave me again, okay?" "I didn't." "I didn't." "Where were you?" "Just hold me, okay?" "Just hold me." "Okay." "You left me here." "I wouldn't." "Please, don't." "I'd never leave you." "I'm right here." "Liv, you promise me?" "I'm right here." "I love you, Liv." "I love you, too, Matt." "Punnett square, a diagram that is used to predict an outcome of a breeding experiment." "It is used to determine the probability of an offspring having a particular genotype, such as eyes." "So in this cross, what would the genotype be?" "Liv?" "Liv." "What?" "The diagram." "Um..." "Anyone else?" "Casey." "Blue." "Their children would both have blue eyes." "Good." "Son of a bitch!" "How'd you always make it look so easy?" "I hated you so much for that." "Never seemed like you cared." "So it always felt like i had to care enough for the both of us." "I mean, I feel like i had to carry around this huge weight." "And now I see that I wasn't..." "We were both carrying it, so it was easy, and now that you're gone, everything is so heavy." "It's too heavy for me to carry it alone." "I can't be here alone." "I can't be here without you." "Yes, you can." "But you don't have to." "Want me to help you study?" "Yeah?" "What is this?" "What is this, bio?" "All right." "Bio charades." "Come on." "You know the drill." "Sit." "Let me grab this." "Okay." "What are you doing?" "Are you serious?" "It's rna transcription, duh." "Come on." "One more hour of this and you will kill it tomorrow." "I promised you." "Didn't I?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Here's what we're gonna do." "Pick your words, and if you get them all right, we're eating cookie dough!" "All right?" "But I'm gonna eat some now 'cause, well, I'm starving, and you're just going to have to watch me eat it and drool." "All right?" "Pick your words." "I miss recess, too." "We don't have to talk." "I don't know." "Right now, honestly, I feel fine." "Talking is fine." "Because it just feels like he's home sick or..." "I don't know, he's, like, in a different class or..." "Like this whole day is just gonna go by and I just missed him because he just went to the bathroom, and he just turned around the corner from me, but..." "But when I get back home, he's gonna be sitting right there, right across from me at dinner." "Just like every day and every night that I've ever known." "He's always right there, right next to me." "How long have you had that dogtooth necklace?" "Uh..." "Since I was 10." "It's always kind of scared me." "Why?" "Just 'cause it snapped." "That something you love so much one morning could just wake up and try to kill you." "Ah, he was just old, i think." "My uncle was sad when he had to put him down." "You know, he just wanted something to remember him by." "It's a good thing." "Yeah." "It's always brought me good luck." "I don't think I've ever seen you take that off." "Never had a reason to." "Um..." "I gotta go to band practice." "Can we keep doing this, though?" "Talking and not talking." "Yeah." "Hey, keep him safe for me." "I will." "Hey..." "I still want my present." "Still wants you." "Katie, well done." "Casey." "Work harder next time." "Liv?" "Good to have you back." "Look, I'm in the middle of dinner with my family." "Let me call you back in an hour." "How was school, sweetheart?" "Um, better." "I'm getting caught up." "Well, that's good." "All right." "Thanks." "Oh, my god!" "I can't believe I forgot." "What?" "To buy candy!" "Do you still have some at your desk?" "Just ignore them, okay?" "They'll go away." "Would you just sit, please!" "I'd like to have dinner with my family tonight." "Hey, dad?" "Mmm-hmm." "Can I go over to Julian's tonight?" "What?" "Tonight?" "It's a school night." "Dad, it's Halloween." "Everybody's out." "I finished all of my homework for tonight, and I promise you I'll have much more time to catch up this weekend." "This isn't like you." "What?" "Going to parties." "It's not a party." "She said she's finished everything, tom." "So what, you're in on this with her?" "I just don't want her moping in her room anymore." "Really, I don't have to go." "I just wanted to hang out with him." "Look, if Julian and any of his other friends wanna come over here and hang out, they're more than welcome." "I can't even believe that his parents are letting him throw another party." "Samantha, please, would you just go get the candy out of my desk?" "Trick or treat!" "Okay." "But I want you home early." "Understood?" "Of course!" "Before midnight." "Yes." "Yes, sir." "I promise." "Thank you, daddy." "Hey." " Hey." "You're going?" "Yeah." "They said yes." "Go." "See you in the car in five minutes." "Okay." "Thanks." "You've worked hard this week." "Go have fun." "I don't wanna go in there without you." "You're never without me." "You scared me." "Come dance with me." "Yeah." "Just a minute." "Hey." "Hi." "Hey." "Uh, sorry." "It's all yours." "Oh, well..." "Okay." "Here." "I brought you a drink." "Oh." "Thanks." "I put something in it." "I'm just kidding." "It's so loud in here." "Why don't we just go outside and we can have a smoke." "Um... no, that's okay." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I'm cool." "Thanks, though." "Thanks for the drink." "Okay." "See you later." "Yeah." "I was thinking maybe i could give your present another shot." "Sorry." "You know, one of these days we're gonna get to spend more than just five minutes together." "I know." "I know." "Okay?" "I'm sorry." "Are you okay?" "I'm fine." "I just really shouldn't have come out tonight." "I'm happy you're taking care of him." "And I really hope he's taking care of you." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, i really have to go." "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry it took so long." "What's wrong?" "Hey?" "I totally took forever." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It was stupid." "I'm sorry." "It's all right." "Hey." "Shh." "Breathe." "Breathe." "It's okay." "I'm here." "I'm here." "I'm here." "Your makeup looks really pretty like that." "Oh, my god!" "Oh, Jesus." "No, no, no." "No, no, no." "Hey." "Your eyes." "Thanks." "I'm kind of surprised you stayed out so late on a school night." "How are you feeling, Olivia?" "I'm fine." "I'm sorry." "I'm just a little bit tired." "How are your, uh, applications coming along?" "They're good." "Um, I decided not to do early decision to Yale, so that I could apply to all of the schools that you recommended." "Hmm..." "Your, um, teachers tell me that you're caught up with all your assignments and tests." "So, am I back to being valedictorian?" "I'm really impressed with your dedication, Olivia." "Keep up the good work." "The steak's cold, Samantha." "I'm gonna go study." "I'm tired." "Come on, Liv." "What are we writing about?" "Hey, hey." "Do not let him distract you, okay?" "Look, every single person in the country our age is writing one of these." "It's exciting." "How are you gonna make yours different?" "I don't know." "Liv, hey." "What?" "Put it down." "Concentrate." "I am!" "No, you're not!" "You're sitting there trying to think of a funny way to text him back." "Now put the phone down!" "Now tell me..." "What are we gonna write about?" "I don't know!" "Okay?" "What are we gonna write about?" "What are we gonna write about?" "I don't know!" "Okay." "All right." "Get up." "Matt." "Get up!" "You always wait." "You wait for everyone to leave before you change." "I'm on my period." "I need to talk to you." "Okay." "About what?" "You look sick." "I'm fine." "A lot of people are worried about you." "Okay." "If you need to talk, then I'd be happy..." "I don't." "Okay." "Well, i want to talk." "I lost him, too." "I'm not saying it's the same thing, but it would be nice to be able to talk to you." "Okay." "Well, I'm not really here to make you feel nice!" "I'm sorry." "What do you wanna talk about?" "That night." "Did he say something to you?" "Like what?" "About me." "About what I said." "Please, i just need to know." "Please." "Um..." "I don't really remember." "Okay." "We were fighting in the car and then we crashed." "It was my fault." "He was mad at me." "What are you talking about?" "We were talking and flirting, and I thought it was finally gonna be the start of something," "and I was just so happy." "Then he went away." "I mean, he was still there, but he was..." "He was somewhere else." "He said it was a mistake." "I mean, you don't just look at someone on their knees and say that to them!" "I just wanted to say something mean." "I just wanted to say something to hurt him." "What did you say?" "I said, "then go find your sister." ""She's the one you really want to..."" "Let me guess." "Hi." " Hi." "Um..." "I was just gonna leave you a message." "What's up?" "I've been calling you." "I know." "I'm sorry." "I've just been a little bit sick." "Yeah, everyone is." "I just talked to Casey, and she can barely get out of bed." "Is she okay?" "Yeah." "She said staying home today helped." "Are you okay?" "What?" "I said, are you okay?" "Casey didn't stay home today." "I saw her in ballet." "I mean, maybe she went home early, but she wasn't in cans this morning." "She told me she slept all day." "Liv?" "Yeah." "Do you want me to come over?" "No." "You don't want to come over here." "I mean, you can come here." "I can make you some soup." "Let me take care of you." "Where are you going?" "Um, I thought you and dad were going out to dinner." "He canceled." "Why?" "I'm just gonna go over to Julian's." "He wants my help with calc." "Did you eat?" "I left you some pasta." "Mmm-hmm." "I did." "It was really good." "Hey, mom." "You okay?" "I'm fine, baby." "You say hi to Julian for me, yeah?" "Hi." "Yeah, I wanted it to be nice." "Thanks." "Yeah." "Houseboat?" "Yep." "One would think that i didn't have parents." "You, um..." "Have you eaten yet?" "It's not a great soup, but it's really gonna suck if it's cold." "I'm just really not that hungry these days." "Okay." "You know, i miss him a lot." "I think about him." "We weren't really that close anymore, but I've never known anyone who's died." "Yeah, me neither." "I guess that's pretty lucky." "It doesn't feel that lucky." "Liv..." "I really miss him." "I can't even begin to imagine how much you do." "But look, I'm here for you." "Whatever you need, i will do it." "Sorry." "No, you're fine." "I think it's trying to tell you something." "Yeah." "I think i am a little hungry." "Here." "Is it terrible?" "No." "No, i mean, it's soup." "No, it's glorified spaghettios." "I'm so sorry that i haven't been here more." "No, you're doing great." "I'm really not." "I've been, um, talking to people differently." "It's like..." "It's like there's some part of me that can't get close enough to see them." "So, it makes it really hard to care." "What about me?" "I see you." "It's just that sometimes there's something in-between." "What?" "Is it me?" "Sorry." "Oh, hey." "Whoa." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "I'm so sorry." "I'm fine." "I'm sorry." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's fine." "Come here." "Oh, my god." "Sorry." "No, if you don't want to, it's not a big deal." "No, it's not that." "It's okay." "You are so beautiful." "Do you want me to go, Liv, so you can be alone?" "No." "Yes." "You are." "You need to know that because I see you not taking care of yourself." "Don't let him distract you, Liv." "What do you mean?" "Liv, I'm just..." "I'm worried about you." "Oh, now he wants to look after you." "I'm fine." "I miss him, too." "You will not use me to get in my sister's pants." "Can we please not talk about him?" "He's gonna go to college." "He's gonna meet other girls." "Smarter, prettier girls who aren't messed up in the head like you." "What happens next year?" "He's gonna leave you, Liv." "What do you mean?" "When you leave." "Liv..." "I..." "I like you." "All right." "I've liked you for as long as i can remember." "He's gonna hurt you, Liv." "He's gonna hurt you." "I know it." "I just don't want it to hurt." "No, I would never hurt you." "I'll never leave you because I love you." "Liv, I love you." "I want you." "Uh... are you sure?" "Yes." "Okay." "Okay." "Uh..." "Um... uh..." "Wait." "Wait one second, okay?" "Okay." "Shit!" "You shouldn't be here for this." "Where do you want me to go?" "Please, not for this." "Just go away, just for a little while." "Liv." "Liv, listen, you can't just pick and choose when you want me to be around, okay?" "That's not how it works!" "Please just go away." "Just for a little while." "No!" "Matt!" "Do you really need his love that bad?" "Weird." "Let's see how long you can last without me this time." "Matt!" "I'm so sorry." "I didn't mean..." "Um..." "I think, uh, maybe you should go." "Please, please." "Let me just..." "Okay." "No, you need help!" "Julian." "I'm sorry." "I don't know how or what, but you need help." "Look, I know things have been messed up this past year..." ""Messed up"?" "This is not my fault." "I can't just pretend that you saying that is okay." "Okay, but everything else before that was okay?" "Yeah, I..." "Liv." "Liv!" "Get help." "Fuck you!" "All right, and I haven't given you a lot of assignments during the break, but please, do a little bit of reading." "I'm really excited for all of you." "I know you've all gotten in your college applications." "Congrats on that." "Uh, but definitely for the people who are waiting for early enrollment, don't freak out." "Enjoy your vacations." "Enjoy your families." "Get some good rest." "You all have my email, don't be afraid to use it." "I'll see you in January." "Pick up your papers before you go." "Hey, Casey." "Case?" " Bye, everyone." "Bye, guys." "Good job." "I'll see you after the break." "Olivia." "I'd like to speak to you." "Good job, guys." "Hey." "This isn't you." "Well, my name's on it." "You have never gotten below an a- on a pop quiz in my class, ever." "You make everything up." "You come back as yourself, and now this?" "He thinks you don't work hard enough." "What's going on?" "What?" "Are you on something?" "No." "Some of the other teachers have been expressing their concern." "About my grades?" "No, about you." "What about me?" "About you not being yourself." "You just said that, so then who am I?" "You want to know what I think?" "I think that you're overworked." "I think you're taking on too much." "Can we go?" "I'm starving." "I'll be fine." "Can I help you?" "Geez, this again?" "I'm fine, thank you." "I'm gonna have to call your parents." "Because I got one bad grade?" "No, because i think you need help." "Help?" "With what exactly?" "Studying?" "I'm not concerned about your grades." "I'm really not." "So what is it about?" "Okay." "You keep on telling me that I need help, so I just need to understand what exactly I need so much help to do?" "I'm concerned about your health." "Shut up!" "I'm not your enemy here, Liv." "He is." "You know what?" "Fine." "Call them." "Why don't you tell them that, with everything else that's gonna suck this Christmas, they need to worry about the academic standing of their remaining child." "'Cause I really think my family needs one more thing to grieve for." "Liv." "You promised me, Liv." "You promised me." "What the hell are you doing?" "Hey?" "Sorry." "Are you okay?" "We did it." "...to take your call." "Please leave a message and we'll get back to you." "Thank you." "Hi." "Uh, Craig Donovan calling again." "I'm not sure if you've seen my other message, but..." "I understand the holidays are a busy time, but I'd really like to speak with you about Olivia." "You can reach me any time on my personal cell, 619-178-1974." "Thank you." "Message erased." "This is the '59." "It's pretty darn good." "Livvy!" "Come on in here, sweetheart." "Say hello to Harvey and Kate." "Hi." "Merry Christmas, gorgeous." "Well, you certainly made good on the buffet." "She's like me." "Beanpole till I was 30." "I can't eat like that anymore." "Tell them what you did today, sweetheart." "Dad..." "She applied to 20 schools." "All the ivies, plus the sister schools, and probably a whole bunch more i have no idea about." "But Yale is the only one she really cares about." "Right, baby?" "Skinny minnie is pulling her weight." "Well, don't forget about dessert, sweetheart." "I brought four pies, plus ice cream that, lord knows, we don't need to be eating." "I forgot about them." "I'll just go put them out." "Whole foods." "Hello." "Yeah, hello, Mr. Donovan." "Hey, it's time to celebrate." "Come here." "Come out." "You did it, Liv." "You proved them all wrong." "And now you're gonna prove it to yourself." "Okay." "Sit." "Sit." "Hey, it's okay." "Matt, Matt, Matt..." "Hey." "Liv, Liv, I got you." "It's okay." "I've got you." "Okay?" "It's okay." "I got you, it's okay." "You're okay, you're okay." "Okay?" "Yeah." "Feels good, right?" "Yeah." "I'm proud of you." "Told you we'd get out of here." "Didn't I?" "Come on." "Matt, what are you doing?" "It's okay." "Matt, no, please!" "Hey." "Please, don't make me do this!" "Hey, hey." "Hey, it's okay." "Relax." "This isn't going away, Liv." "It's not gonna end after graduation, all right?" "Do you think dad's just suddenly gonna go let you do whatever you want?" "He's not." "Okay?" "You're going to his school, you're taking over his firm, just like he wanted me to do." "Hey." "They're never gonna love you." "Not like I do." "Not like I do." "Hey." "Hey, look at me." "Hey." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Liv?" "That's it, i got you." "I got you." "Okay?" "I got you." "I just wanted you to feel free." "I love you." " I love you." "Will it hurt?" "Nothing's ever gonna hurt again." "You have to do this, Liv." "You promised me." "Tom!" "She'll be okay, won't she?" "You never cared about her." "You've never even cared what she wants in life..." "Mom!" "What's it about?" "It's about control." "Daddy!" "Please!" "What are you... no!" "Hold her arm, hold her arm!" "Steady." "Matt!" "Matt!" "Please, don't leave me." "Mealtime." "If you miss a meal, Olivia, you have to drink a replacement shake." "I can't move." "It's your meds." "I drooled through my first three weeks here." "You just have to force yourself to sit up." "Your body will normalize." "You don't even exist to me!" "You don't even exist." "You are nothing." "You are shit!" "Betsey, what do you have?" "Nothing." "May I see it?" "It's a book." "Betsey?" "No, it's mine." "Betsey." "This is healthy." "Okay?" "I'm not reading about calories or recipes." "I'm not looking at models." "It's a health magazine." "It's a trigger." "Everything is a goddamn trigger!" "Do you remember the first time you restricted food, Olivia?" "I what?" " Sweetheart, we hardly ever see you eat anymore." "I eat." "Fruit, and just part of your dinner." "I eat at school." "You've got to put some meat on those bones, little girl." "Yeah." "Daddy's orders, little girl." "Okay." "I understand that I do need to put on weight." "Um, so how much weight do I have to put on before I can go home?" "Have you been feeling particularly stressed or anxious this past year?" "Mealtime, Olivia." "Don't." "I need that." "I'm not that hungry right now." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "Oh, can I just eat it in my room?" "I'll get you a shake." "I'm sorry." "Matt..." "I'm sorry." "Shut up." "I don't wanna be here either, you know, but at least we're in here together." "Here..." "Come on, have this." "I'm not hungry." "I told you to shut up, Liv!" "I do not wanna hear your voice!" "Do you understand?" "We could have been out of here, okay?" "This is your fault!" "You're the reason I'm here!" "We had a chance to be free, and you couldn't take it." "You were too scared." "Now we're here." "Are you finished, Olivia?" "Get out!" "Refusing to take meals and refusing shakes forces us to administer enteral feedings." "I'll drink it!" "You were given that option, Olivia." "What?" "I said I'll drink it!" "You did this to yourself." "You did this to yourself." "This is your session, Olivia." "We don't have to talk if you don't want to." "This place is insane." "Why?" "I told her I would eat." "And then you didn't." "Well, the meds that you're having me take make me feel sick." "Then, perhaps you should get food enterally until you don't feel sick anymore." "You haven't eaten normally in months." "You might not feel hungry anymore." "Well, I get hungry." "I just..." "What?" "What happens when you get hungry?" "I was very busy this year." "I had a lot of work to do, so I just forgot." "You forgot to eat?" "Mmm." "You and your brother did a lot of the same things together, didn't you?" "You shared the same friends, similar schedules." "Yeah." "Shared a car?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "After he passed, it must have been difficult to engage in those things alone." "Are you asking me if after the accident things were difficult?" "I'm asking how did you do everything you did before with Matt, alone?" "I just did it." "He even smells like bullshit." "Is there something funny?" "No." "Nothing's funny anymore." "Do you remember when you became so busy that you started to forget to eat?" "I didn't always forget." "When you started to restrict." "I didn't restrict!" "But you hid food, didn't you?" "Food that you told your family you were eating?" "You hid it behind a tree." "A tree that was very important to you and your brother." "He thinks he knows our story, Liv." "Were you hiding the food so that you didn't have to eat it?" "No." "Don't even bother." "Then why hide the food?" "I hid the food..." "Get us out of here!" "Was there a reason you started hiding it?" "A voice that told you not to eat?" "What's he talking..." "What?" "Is there a voice that tells you or tells you not to eat?" "No." "Is there a voice that tells you to do other things?" "When to work, to sleep, to speak?" "Is he kidding?" "Doesn't everyone have a voice that tells them what to do?" "Right." "Your conscience?" "Does your conscience tell you not to eat?" "No." "Who does?" "Why are you asking me this?" "Because, often, people with an eating disorder describe a voice in their head that sounds different." "I don't have a problem with food." "This isn't about food, really." "Do you find you feel out of control?" "Overwhelmed?" "Yeah, I feel stressed a lot and I feel scared." "Because of school." "No, because of everything." "Well, when you feel stressed or scared, what helps you the most?" "Liv, I wanna go, Liv." "I wanna go right now." "I wanna go home." " Now." "When can I go home?" "When you eat, Olivia." "Okay." "Then I will." "I promise you, I will." "I just need to do it alone in my room, please." "You have a history of sabotaging food, of either ruining it or hiding it." "The way you spilled the replacement shake." "We have to make sure that you're eating, Olivia." "You're not hungry." "I'm not that hungry." "If you don't, your body will give out." "He's lying!" "But more specifically, your heart will give out, and then you will die." "He's lying, Liv." "Slowly, but horribly and certainly." "Let's go." "Now!" "I wanna go back to my room." "You can go if you like." "You and your brother loved each other very much, didn't you?" "What do you think he would say to you if he saw you in here?" "What's wrong, Liv?" "Nothing." "I love you." "Matt, am I gonna die?" "Quiet." "I wanna be that happy." "I just wanted you to feel free." "Sorry." "You can't die because we're gonna die at the same time." "No, we won't." "Quiet." "Please, don't tell." "I promise." "Promise me, too." "I promise." "Dr. rothstein?" "I know it's early, but I really do need to talk to you." "Olivia, what's wrong?" "I'm just scared." "Hey." "Tell him what he wants to hear." "What is it?" "Come on in." "Have a seat." "I can't." "Yes, you can." "Yes, you can." "Just lie." "Tell him you'll get better." "You'll put on weight." "Anything." "Just sit down, and get us out of here." "I don't wanna do this." " Yes, you do." "Whatever you wanna say." " Take your time." "When I was born, my brother was with me." "He was always with me." "What are you doing?" "My whole life, I've never known anything else." "And when things got really bad this year," "I didn't know how..." "I just couldn't." "When he passed." "Liv, what are you doing?" "When he passed." "When he..." "Liv, I'm right here." "Liv, I'm right here!" "Okay?" "I couldn't..." "You promised me, Liv!" "You promised me!" "I couldn't..." "I couldn't..." "Breathe, Olivia." "What?" "You want me to go?" "Do you want me to go?" "No, no, no!" "Please, please!" "Deep breaths." "Deep breaths, Olivia." "Come on." "When he..." "When he what?" "When he came..." "You are nothing without me." "You wanna see how long you can last without me this time, huh?" "Olivia, you can do this." "You're strong." "You are weak without me!" "When Matt died..." "You promised me, Liv!" "What are you doing?" "When Matt died..." "What are you doing?" "What are you doing right now?" "We promised that we would die together, and I didn't." "That's not your fault." "That's your fault." "And I begged for him to come back to me." "I did." "And I thought that he did." "And I did." "I thought that he came back for me." "Liv, I did come back for you." "I'm right here." "Look at me!" "How can you do this to me?" "I've been right here by your side the whole time." "I hate you." "I don't love you anymore." "I never did love you." "I made up the whole thing." "You're nothing without me." "So come with me." "I'm taking you with me." "No, you're not!" "You're not!" "Because you're not my brother." "You're not my brother." "You're okay." "It's okay." "When you come into the world with someone, everything you've ever seen, everything you've ever touched or smelled is with them by your side." "And a world without them doesn't even seem possible." "When he left this world, I made up a new one." "One where I could see him." "First, in dreams, and then when I was awake." "The more time that I spent in our world, the more I could feel myself slipping away from this one." "Do you think that's what he would have wanted?" "No, Matt wouldn't have wanted me to die." "He would have wanted me to live, a lot." "He would have wanted me to have fun and to grow up, see new things, fall in love." "But that voice wasn't Matt." "I know that." "You have lunch out today." "Yeah." "Take deep breaths." "And just remember, health is a choice, and you can make it." "Can I help you?" "Uh, yeah." "I'm just looking for him." "Great." "Hi." "Hi." "I missed him." "Yeah, he missed you." "Hey." "So, um..." "I'm sorry that i didn't visit." "You know, it just kind of seemed like..." "No, I didn't want you to." "I didn't want you to see me like that." "Hey, what can I get you?" "Hi." "Um..." "You go first." "Okay." "I'm gonna do the deluxe burger with cheddar." "And for you?" "Mmm..." "Just, I think a salad with some mixed Greens." "Anything on top?" "Chicken, quinoa?" "No." "Thanks." "Thanks." "Hey, actually, could we get onion rings to start?" "Sure." "Thank you." "Sorry." "They just make me eat so much I just really wanna have a salad and to not have to drink the dressing in the end." "They make you drink dressing?" "Well, everything is portioned out for weight gain." "So if you have anything left over, then you kind of have to..." "I'm sorry, we don't really have to talk about this." "Okay." "Seriously, if I was still bad, i would have ordered everything that you did and then I would have shoved it under my dress and probably when you went to the bathroom," "I might have, like, found a tree outside to go plant it under." "It's okay." "You can laugh." "So do you..." "I don't know, do you still..." "Not really." "Um, I just feel him." "Like, right before i go to bed or right when I'm about to turn a corner." "But I think that's probably just..." "Phantom twin syndrome." "Well, you know what," "I think it's good that you don't." "I mean, not that it's good that you don't, but..." "I don't know, i think it's..." "I think it's good that you're here." "Yeah." "I am here." "Hey, I, um..." "I brought my guitar, if you wanna sit in the park, after." "That sounds nice." "I might even play you my song." "Whoa!" "It's been a long time coming." "I don't think i could handle it." "It would be too much!" "Onion rings to start." "Thank you." "And a mixed Greens salad." "Your burger will be out in a second." "Can I get you anything else?" "Uh, no, i think we're good." "Hey?" "Hey." "If this is too much, we can go." "No." "I'm fine."