"Captain, considering the ship is currently, uh, floating in space there's concern we may be lost." "Lost?" "Of course not." "Our bearing is..." "Second star to the left, straight on till morning?" "Captain, we're approaching some sort of land beyond imagination." "Jack Sparrow?" "Is that really you?" "It's been forever." "My old friend, Captain Two-Hands." "Wow, we do need to catch up." "Wait, you've spent all this time fighting a kid in green tights?" "But there's a crocodile too." "He makes the most horrible sound whenever he's near." "Ticktock." " Like a clock?" " No." "That annoying Ke$ha song." "Point is, mate, pirates are heroes now." "You're allowed to win." "Hey, Hook, look at your flag." "That's you." "You look like that." "Ha-ha-ha!" "Will you help me?" "I'll do better than that." "I'll give you a makeover." "Hmm." "More swaying." "Less frills." "Move your facial hair some dreadlocks bring out your eyes." "And finally, dirt." "What do you think?" "Captain Hook, you are the world's next top pirate." "Yes!" "I feel great." "Like I could take on the whole world." "Whoo-hoo!" "Nice guyliner, Hook." "Got a hot date?" " Oh, I'll get you Peter..." " Ahem!" "Please." "Pirates may be cool now, but staying a kid will always be cooler." " Right, Eddie?" " I'm moody." "Little girls eat that up." "Hey, Hook, know what I'm gonna do later?" " Drive a car." " Really?" " I was planning on voting." " Hey, not fair." "Of course we could always just go to an R-rated movie." "Stop it!" "Now, finally." "The treasure of Neverland will be ours." "Peter Pan actually doesn't have any treasure." "You've been chasing this brat for years, and he's broke?" "Yes, but he cut off my hand." "Big deal." "Tell that to Roy." "I think I got a splinter in my neck." "Look at it this way." "At least we have each other." "Ja..." "Jack?" "Sorry, captain, but there are other pirates out there who need my help." "Ain't that right, Captain Munch?" "I don't think a squid is part of a complete breakfast." "But it stays soggy in milk." "Top five things Katy Perry kissed but didn't like." "A porcupine." " Ow!" " Eww!" "Is that cherry lip gloss?" "Tapioca pudding." "Feels like fish eggs." "Fish eggs." "Feels like tapioca pudding." " A mousetrap." " Whew!" "Thanks, Katy." "And the Liberty Bell." "Ew!" "I kissed it on the crack." "I wanna throw up Those kids are real rats" "That's why I send them to my Toys "4" Brats" "This week at Toys "4" Brats check out Baby Cutzalot." " That's gotta hurt." " Lectroland Play Set..." " Zowie." "...Meat Farm..." " Whoa." "...Skill Saw..." " That's sharp." "...and Play-Don't radioactive gloop." "So when you're swinging at kids The way you're swinging at gnats" "Just send them down to Toys "4" Brats" "The world's biggest rip-off." "I hate this show." "But I can't find the remote." "The problem here, class, is dinosaurs are actually members of the bird family and would not roar." "I've corrected the sound effects of films." "Let's watch, shall we?" "I thought I saw a putty cat." "And there you have it." "Now, who wants to see altered film from my vacation?" "Hmm." "Frog the Bounty Hunter." "There he is." "That's our guy." "This will be easy." "Next week on Frog the Bounty Hunter." " Oh, no." "Your father was hit by a car." " I'll save him." "Frog the Bounty Hunter." "Don't worry, muffin." "You still look distinguished." "Dogaphone!" "Hey, kids." "Remember, it's I before E except after C." "Or when sounding like A as in neighbor and weigh." "Plus these few exceptions:" "Caffeine, species, science, sufficient ancient, society, weird, theism, protein, sovereign, foreign, feisty..." "We interrupt this program with some breaking news." "A turkey is in the middle of playing pool." "Who's the turkey now, huh?" "Turkey or shark?" "Either way, it will be over on Thanksgiving." "We now return you to your regularly scheduled program." "...deify, deity, seize, beige, neither counterfeit, zeitgeist, sheik, conscience." "And that's I before E except after C." "Plus a few exceptions." "Larry, did you remember to lock the door?" "Celebrities without their makeup." "The Rock may have a chiseled chin, but he starts to crumble without his foundation." "Amy Winehouse should be grouchy with how much makeup she needs." "Iron Man looks best if you stand far, far away." "Maggie Gyllenhaal looks doggone droopy without her makeup." "Robert Pattinson should move from twilight into darkness with what he looks like." "And that's celebrities without their makeup." "Whew." "Sir, Commissioner Gordon fears the Riddler is going to kidnap the studio audience on the Family Feud tonight." "Did he get a riddle?" "No." "I believe it says it on the channel guide." "I tried to get you a ticket, but it's been sold out for months." "There's only one way to get in." "Introducing the Batman family." "Ready for action." "And the Berkel family." "It's time for the Family Feud." "We know how to play the game: 100 people surveyed, top five answers on the board." " Name something you find in a bookshelf." " Bat poles." " What, that's not right?" "Give me another." " That's not how the game works." " Give me another." " All right, all right." " Name something you'd find in a cave." " Computers." " You gotta be kidding me." " Lola?" "Rocks." "Rocks?" "What kind of cave do you live in?" " We'll play." " Okay, Bats." "Back to your team." "Batman, I'm gonna sneak off." " See if I can't find the Riddler." " Who?" "The Riddler?" "It's who we're here to capture?" "Oh." "Right, right, right." "I forgot." "Rocks, she says." "All right, Mrs. Johnson, since your family is up next we'll just apply powder so you don't sweat under those lights." "The Joker." " Why did you punch Mrs. Johnson?" " Why?" "Zip it, Joker henchman." "The Joker?" "It's the Riddler we want." " How's it going?" " Name something a penguin does." "Robs banks." " Not good." " Crummy Berkels are smarter than Braniac." "I gotta use the can." "What the...?" "Hold it, Riddler." "You're under arrest." "Tell you what, Batman." "You let me go and I'll make you a deal." "There's nothing you have that I want." "Not even if I rig the questions so you can beat the Berkels?" "Okay, Batman, name something you wear on your head." " A cowl." " Name something exchanged on a first date." " A Batarang." "Name Batman's secret identity." " Bruce Wayne." " You did it." "You won the Family Feud." "I did it, I did it." "Wait." "What did I just do?" "Bruce Wayne, huh?" "Sucker."