"Damn!" "Oh!" "Kelso misses another one." "I believe that's uh, H" " O" " R." "Ah, you are a whore." "No, the game is "Horse"." "Oh..." "Ok, you know what, Michael?" "I'm gonna go home." "I'm gonna do my homework." "You do your homework on a Saturday night?" "Yeah!" "Look, I mean, look at me." "I've got a thousand word term paper due Monday." "But you don't see me sweating!" "I've got a whole crappy Sunday to do it." "Jackie, don't go home, I mean, Steve Martin's hosting Saturday Night." "I hate that show." "Ok, they have these commercials that you think are real, but they're not real." "And then, you wanna buy the stuff!" "Ok, see you Michael!" "Bye!" "Bye-bye!" "Shut up!" "Kelso, Jackie does her homework on Saturday night." "That's so hip." "You guys don't have to worry about Jackie anymore 'cause I'm breaking up with her." "Aww." "We are so tired of hearing you say that." "No!" "I-I am!" "I'm breaking up with her!" "Yeah?" "When?" "I'm picking my moment." "Hey, where's Fez?" "Make that shot, whore!" "Our father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name!" "Well now, aren't the waffles extra delicious this wonderful morning?" "Did you quit smoking again?" "And why do you ask, little one?" "Well, you're kinda talking like Snow White, so I figured..." "Eric!" "Which is great!" "Um..." "I really want you to quit." "Well, I should have quit a long time ago." "I'm a nurse, I know better." "More sausage?" "I'll get it!" "Hello?" "..." "Oh!" "Oh, that's, that's too bad..." "Well sure!" "We'd be glad to..." "Yeah." "See you soon!" "..." "Bye." "Who was that, dear?" "Uh, my mother." "Seems like, uh, Uncle Paul broke his ankle, and uh, she's going to church with us today." "No she's not." "It's Paul's turn to take her." "Well, like I said, he broke his ankle." "Broken ankle, whatever, it's his turn." "Kitty, the man is injured." "Ok." "That is just great." "Heh heh heh, I will just take a chicken out of the freezer!" "Because, Queen Bernece, doesn't like ham!" "Ok." "Ok, look." "I'll just call her and tell her that we can't make it." "Oh, Red, Red, Red, Red, Red." "You know who'll get blamed for that!" "Well, why should she blame you?" "She's my mother!" "Something she never lets me forget!" "Look, uh, you could tell her I'm sick or something." "Eric, go upstairs and put on that shirt your grandmother gave you." "Eric, just stay there." "Your mother is just being ridiculous." "You know what's ridiculous is giving your mother our phone number!" "What's being ridiculous is..." "Hold it!" "Hold it!" "Ho...hold it." "Now, look." "Let's just stay calm." "Mom, if it'll help you out, I'll hang out with grandma." "So she'll leave you alone." "What do you say?" "Well, first of all Eric, I'm the one who says hold it." "When you pay the bills, you get to say hold it." "Now get in the car." "'Cause we're going to church, and we're gonna have a damn nice Sunday." "Well, you're damn right." "Just try and stop me!" "Damn." "Here she comes!" "Oh, god, Red I don't think I can do this!" "Kitty, do us all a favor, and light up." "I'm fine!" "Careful, grandma." "Ahhh!" "Ahhh!" "Just my dress." "Well, it's nice to see you, Bernece." "I hate this car." "You know, I just hate this car." "Your brother Jerry has a beautiful car." "A Lincoln." "But then he makes more money, a lot more money that you." "Alrighty then." "So Kitty, Eric tells me that you quit smoking." "Yes, yes I did quit, and I just, I feel great." "Well, good for you, dear." "In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, amen." "Please stand for a moment of silent meditation." "Dear God." "Thank you so much for helping me quit such a filthy, disgusting," "soothing delicious habit, oh god I can't do this, no no!" "I'm fine!" "Amen." "Dear God, what's with all the polloks?" "Dear God, I don't mean to bother you on your day off, but, I promised to help out with grandma, and I have a term paper due tomorrow, so if you could either, get her to leave early today, or burn down the school tomorrow..." "I mean, either or!" "God's choice." "It'd really help me out, man." "God." "Lord." "Uh, amen." "Dear Lord, would it kill you to give the Packers a winning season?" "Amen." "Oh, and uh, watch over my loving family, blah blah blah." "Welcome to worship for shut ins." "Change it." "Alright, change that!" "How did we change channels before Fez?" "I don't think we did." "Oh, you guys!" "I gotta work on my term paper." "Where's grandma?" "Oh, she's in the bathroom, so I've got, like, twenty minutes, half hour tops." "What's the assignment?" "Alright." "In a thousand words, describe the three branches of the United States government, and their functions." "I'll never make it." "Well, go up and tell them you have homework to do." "No, I-I wanna keep peace in the family." "Yeah, Donna." "Forman wants the Hallmark card family." "The what?" "You know grandma comes over..." "To my mother in law this beautiful Sunday." "Your smiling face, your kind embrace, have made my home a happy place!" "And I'm so happy you're the one, to whom I gave my loving son." "And I'm so happy, you're both happy, 'cause otherwise, life would be crappy." "I don't want that." "Yeah, you do." "I can see it in those wide, hopeful eyes." "But the reality is this." "To my daughter in law." "You took my son." "You wrecked my life." "You stole my youth." "You hate my wife." "I do my best." "Well that's a joke." "I'm going out." "I need a smoke." "Damn it Eric, quit hiding from your grandmother." "She's old, she could die, now move it!" "I thought she was in the bathroom!" "False alarm." "Look." "Go take care of your grandmother, we can do this." "Thanks." "Alright, how many words does he have?" "His name, the date, the class." "Seven." "He's screwed." "Yeah." "Use his middle name." "See, now this would never happen to me." "That is why I do my homework on Saturday." "This is a moment, Kelso." "Pick it!" "I think you all could learn something from me right now." "Moment number two." "Alright." "Jackie, we need to talk." "Neer neer neer, neer neer neer neer!" "You know what?" "I did this same paper last year in history." "I think I got an A. You want me to go home and get it?" "Lemme think." "Yeah!" "Hold on, Donna." "Jackie, we need to talk about this whole sit-ghah!" "Jackie, why don't you go ahead." "Ok." "Do not break up with her yet." "You understand me?" "Say you understand me!" "All this time I thought you didn't like Jackie!" "Ahhh!" "Just don't break up with her yet." "Ok, ok." "Alright." "Hey, what do we need Jackie for, man?" "I know more about this stuff than she does." "The three true branches of the government are military, corporate, and Hollywood." "I need a pencil." "I got it, I got it." "Jackie, run!" "I hope you're hungry, as the chicken will be done soon." "I can't eat chicken." "You know I have an irritable bowel." "You should've made a ham." "Oh boy, grandma, that was a great service this morning, don't you think?" "Well, I think the pastor talked too much about forgiveness." "Some people shouldn't be forgiven." "This is why theology is such a rich top..." "You know, Bernece, some people don't need forgiveness, they just need a little understanding." "Oh, too true." "Have you seen Godspell?" "You know what I don't understand, is how in hell a brilliant young man like my Red could've thrown away everything..." "Grandma!" "Why don't we go into the living room and I'll rub your feet!" "What a wonderful boy!" "Oh, look at how thin you are!" "Is your mother feeding you enough?" "You should come and live with me." "Ha ha, no." "Hi!" "I was just on my way to the garage to fix...this!" "Dad, just watch your game." "No no, it's just, the Packers." "Eric, where have you been hiding?" "Well, I've been doing some homework." "Oh, that's important!" "Yeah, you know actually it's a really interesting re..." "Eric, a little less talk and a little more rubbing." "You're the only one who's not afraid of my bunion." "Oh!" "Oh dear." "Ohhh!" "Oh..." "Goodbye, Eric, I am going home now." "No, Fez!" "You haven't met grandma!" "Oh, hello, grandma!" "Oh!" "In my village we worship feet." "And these dogs are a holy treasure." "You wanna rub 'em?" "May I?" "Knock yourself out!" "Hey, dad." "Damn it!" "Eric." "Don't sneak up on a person like that when they're doing...this!" "How's it going in there?" "I rubbed her feet." "Well, you're a brave one." "Better get back in there." "Hey dad?" "You coming back inside?" "Eric, I love your grandmother very very much." "I just can't talk to her or spend any time with her!" "Did I mention that I'm in there rubbing her feet?" "You know, son, sometimes you've just gotta play through the pain." "What?" "I don't know, just get back in there." "Right." "...with their sugar coated ideals, designed to ennastitize the ignorant masses." "Why?" "So that the military, slash corporate branches, can carry out world domination." "Alright, read that back to me." "Ok, Wo wo wo wo, wo wo wo." "You didn't get that?" "Alright, let's just use the encyclopedia." "Oh, oh, you just wanna vomit up facts from an encyclopedia?" "Yes." "Ok, fine." "You know what?" "Vomit away, I will not be a part of this then." "Eric, are you down here?" "He's outside here, Mrs. Forman." "Donna, good." "Why don't you come up and eat with us, I need all the help I can get." "Not you, Steven, Grandma doesn't like you." "You lucky bastard." "Well, what am I supposed to eat?" "Oh, um, you know, help yourself to the deep freeze!" "But everything's frozen!" "And I have a dryer." "Honey, these cheesy potatoes are delicious." "Mmmm." "Thank you honey." "They really are great, Mrs. Forman!" "We have them whenever grandma comes over, 'cause mom knows how much she loves 'em!" "Right, grandma?" "They make me sick." "I'm allergic to dairy." "Oh, how sad." "Ma, this is Wisconsin." "You're not allergic to dairy." "Well, maybe she's just allergic to my dairy." "If you're allergic to dairy, you shouldn't be putting cream in your coffee." "I mean, cream is dairy..." "Donna, I just, no, no, ok?" "You shut up, Eric." "Who the hell are you?" "Grandma, that's Donna." "You've known her for sixteen years." "I have not." "Anyway, I like your new friend better." "The feeling is mutual." "Darn!" "I heard a noise in the garage raccoons bye!" "Well, um, I couldn't eat another bite." "I've had enough." "I'm going back downstairs, excuse me." "So, what say we watch Lorence Welk, huh grandma?" "No, I'm going to watch Lorence Welk with my new friend." "You up for another foot rub, Desi?" "Oooh!" "Fry time." "Oooh, hot, hot!" "What are you doing, huh?" "Uh, just working on your report here, and having some fries." "You put french fries in my mom's dryer?" "Yeah, well, fish sticks are too flakey, so I just...aaaah, you wouldn't...." "Finally!" "Where've you guys been?" "Uh, we had to look for the paper." "And, eat, and then some stuff happened, you know..." "Your shirt's on inside out." "Yeah." "That's the stuff!" "Where's the paper?" "Right, ok, see, it wasn't on the three branches of the government, it was on the four food groups." "Ok, look." "My dad's got the world books, I'll just run next door and get G." "Oooh!" "I'll go with you!" "You can break up with her now." "You know, I'm tired of everybody trying to tear me and Jackie apart!" "Moron!" "Every day you say you're breaking up with her!" "Well, you guys don't know her like I do!" "I mean, it's not just about fooling around!" "She buys me stuff!" "She hoovered your chest, man!" "You know what?" "I don't care anymore." "All I wanted was a little help with my paper and you've done nothing." "We put your middle name in." "Jean Claude?" "Yeah, that's two words." "You guys suck." "Just, thank god for Donna." "Ok, bad news." "My mom sold some at a garage sale, but we have B, X, and R." "Alright, alright." "Now." "You listen up." "I have had an extremely stressful day." "And I am not proud of what I'm about to say, but someone give me a cigarette." "Now!" "But mom, we don't smoke." "Cut the crap, Eric!" "I am a nurse." "I know that one in five teenagers smoke." "One, two, three, four, five!" "Now." "I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them there had better be a cigarette between these two fingers!" "Come on people, hop to!" "Thank you." "Light!" "Kitty!" "Kitty!" "Kitty!" "Well, there you are Red!" "Ma says the cat bit her, so I'm down here looking for it." "Dad, we don't have a cat." "That's what I thought." "Well, you know we really, we shouldn't leave your poor little foreign friend up there alone with grandma." "Really, it's, it's kinda nice down here." "Oh, thank you for a wonderful dinner." "Well, you are so very welcome!" "Well, now, I hope I wasn't any bother." "No, ma, you're no bother, you're as welcome as...flowers in May." "Oh, oh, here!" "Bernece, I wrapped up some chicken for you to take home." "Oh, thank you dear!" "And, I, I hope you put some of those cheesy potatoes in there, you know how much I love them." "What?" "I thought you made such a big deal about how you were allergic to" "Eric!" "It's been a perfectly nice Sunday, let's not spoil it." "Sweetheart, I hope I didn't make too big a deal about my allergies." "Oh, no, ma!" "He's a kid!" "He, uh, he overreacts." "You know, this is the cutest little car." "I just love it!" "Eight hundred twenty-five, eight hundred twenty-six..." "Eric?" "What are you doing?" "It's one o'clock in the morning." "I'm just finishing up some homework." "What are you doing down here?" "Oh, uh, well, uh..." "Snow White came down to gun a stick?" "Look, mom, I-I wish you wouldn't smoke." "I know." "I know." "This is my last one, I promise." "By the way, um, thanks for your help with your grandma today." "Can I ask you a question?" "Mmm-hmm." "What does she have against you, mom?" "Well, about twenty-five years ago your father was dating this very attractive well-to-do woman that your grandma liked, and um, he married me instead." "And she never forgave me." "That bitch!"