"Mom, aren't you gonna eat with us?" "I'm paying bill, you guys eat." "I'll eat... next year." "Mom, Scott ate it all." "Unh." "Hey, I'm a growing boy." "Well, stop." "We can't afford it." "Where's the milk?" "I don't know, sweetie." "I guess the maid forgot to put it out." "Hey, Uncle Nick." "Morning, everybody." "Can you believe I just slept for 14 hours?" "Will you look at these utility bills?" "All right." "That's it." "Time limits on your showers." "Three minutes." "Whoa, whoa." "How can I be expected to deep condition in three minutes or less?" "I wash my hair with dish soap, and you get to deep condition?" "Hey, come on." "We're out of cereal." "We're almost out of milk." "What?" "We can't be." "I just bought some." "What are you people, baby goats?" "Hey, I hear a lot of complaints." "But the truth is, we should be grateful for what we do have." "So let's close our eyes and take a moment to reflect." "We have a roof over our heads." "We have warm beds to sleep in at night." "We're all together, just one big happy family." "Mom, are you watering down the milk again?" "I said reflect!" "♪ Working Class 1x01 ♪ The Buddy System Original Air Date on January 28, 2011" "♪ This is my day ♪" "♪ This is my life ♪" "♪ This is my one chance to get it right ♪" "♪ This is my day ♪" "♪ Yeah, this is my day ♪" "Okay, bring in the garbage cans by noon, and warm up the meatloaf at 5:00, and make sure that Pam does her book report, and no TV or video games for the boys until after dinner." "Got it?" "Oh, that was my list?" "Yes." "Here." "I wrote everything down, so hopefully you can stay on top of things today." "You and your shiny lady hair." "All right." "So you got anything for me?" "Yeah." "Buddy Connor's in town." "We're going drinking tonight." "Wow." "Buddy Connor." "I haven't seen him in years." "I thought you'd be happy to see him." "Well, he was the only boy in high school who was willing to be seen with me after I was voted" "Most Likely to Destroy a Japanese City." "That was hilarious." "Blondezilla." "No, Nick." "Not hilarious." "And neither was the Ablondeable Snowman." "Or Kareem Abdul-Jablonde." "Or Blondré the Giant." "Or Genghis Blonde." "Okay, I get it." "I'm tall." "That never bothered Buddy." "Hey, you know, I bet he'd love to see you." "Oh, come on." "You know he always had a crush on you, right?" "Maybe you should just go for it." "Oh, Nick, please." "I mean, Buddy is a sweet guy, but he is 300 pounds of disheveled stuffed into a Members Only jacket." "Yeah, he was the only member of that particular club." "Hey, why don't you come out with us tonight?" "No." "I'm too fried to go out and drink." "I'll just stay here and drink." "All right, but you're missing out." "We're going to this great place on the river that has dollar shots and free hot dogs." "Sounds like my first wedding." "Oh, and girls with low self-teem." "And that sounds like my second wedding." "Wow." "$30 worth of pastries." "Who are they for?" "I mean, obviously, you're not eating them." "I could pick ribs out of my teeth with you." "They're for my dog." "Yeah, right." "I know that mutt." "Damn thing craps cupcakes." "Can you believe she feeds her dog better than I feed my kids?" "I had to water down milk today." "Oh, please." "I would've killed for watered-down milk in combat." "In fact, I did kill for watered-down milk." "And freedom, of course." "Well, thank you for your service." "How come they get to do yoga and drink fancy coffee in the middle of the day?" "Why not me?" "What did they do right that I didn't?" "Married rich and got fake boobs." "Well, probably not in that order." "Maybe I should've married rich." "My first two husbands didn't give me anything except bad credit and stretch marks." "At least bad credit disappears in seven years." "Hey, it's not too late to land a sugar daddy." "This town is crawling with money." "You can't throw a rock without hitting a hybrid Lexus." "That never stops me." "Hank, trust me." "I would love to meet a great guy that would make my life easier, but there has to be that-- you know, that spark." "Aw, grow up." "You want a spark, chew on a lamp cord." "Oh, my God, it's him." "Hank" " Hank, quick, do you know this guy?" "Wait a second." "I got a knee that's locked." "All right." "Just hurry up though." "He's walking away." "Come on, come on." "Push down hard on my shoulders until you hear a pop." "Hard!" "I am!" "Ah." "There he is." "Aisle 2." "Aisle 2." "Oh, sorry." "Sorry." "Word to the wise." "Wait till after they make the mine sweep before you start the baseball game." "Who am I kidding?" "I work behind a deli counter." "I mean, what could I do to get a guy like that to notice me?" "Do what the snooty broads do." "Get yourself some big fish lips and some whoopee cushion knockers." "Hank, that's just not me." "Like I said before, if it's meant to be, it will happen." "Oh, yeah?" "That's what I used to say when I wanted to start my own militia." "Don't hold your breath, sister." "I just saw your mom pull up." "Scott, put away the video games." "Pam, book report." "Where is that list?" "You know what?" "Never mind." "Let's just fake it." "Will, TV off." "Grab a book!" "Move!" "Move!" "Move!" "So, one of the other things we learned from President Lincoln on that fateful night at the theater is the seats in the front of the box are not always the best." "Oh, hey, Carli." "Hey." "Hey, Mom." "Hi." "Hi." "Yeah." "Wow." "Look at this, huh?" "Homework being done, no one watching TV or playing video games." "Nick, I am impressed." "This is almost perfect." "Almost?" "Will is reading Eat, Pray, Love." "Oh." "It's a pretty big leap from Everybody Poops." "All right." "Show's over, guys." "Go on." "Wash up for supper." "Let's go, let's go, let's go." "Move it, move it, move it." "Yeah." "I'm sorry, Carli." "I lost track of the time and the list, and, for three minutes at the playground, Will." "What?" "But I did remember the meatloaf." "Did you turn the oven on?" "Well, you know, you are just never satisfied." "Ah, and Buddy is here." "Hey, get ready for a ton of fun." "Whoa!" "Buddy, you look amazing." "Yep." "Yep." "Cleaned up my act." "Dropped a few...hundred." "Hey, Blondezilla." "Hey." "Buddy, how you doing?" "I'm great, you know, now that I don't have to sew two pairs of pants together anymore." "I mean, what?" "Come on!" "Oh, my God." "How did you do it?" "You know, low fat, no carbs?" "Cardiac arrest." "Ah." "My doctor told me I had six months to live if I didn't lose the weight, so..." "You" " You haven't changed at all." "Oh..." "You're just as beautiful as ever." "Really." "Oh, come on, Buddy." "I got hit pretty hard with the three-kids stick." "And by hit hard, I mean beaten senseless and left in an ally." "All right." "Booze barge is shipping out." "No, I mean it." "You're" " You're gorgeous." "It's just like we're at prom all over again here." "Thank you." "I didn't know you guys went to prom together." "Not officially together, but" "Since neither one of us was actually cool enough to get a date, we" "No." "No, Buddy." "You were cool." "You were all, like, Miami Vice in your white jacket." "Yeah, I looked just like Sonny Crockett... if he ate Tubbs." "So what do you say?" "You ready to get this party started?" "Okay." "Buddy, I gotta tell you, I am really happy you're here, and I'm really impressed, you know?" "You seem really happy." "I am." "I finally realized I gotta stop dreaming about something if I want it and just go for it." "Except cheeseburgers." "If you're to believe an "EKG."" "You sure you don't want to come with us?" "Oh, nah." "I threw up my last hot dog at my first wedding." "That was a nice reception." "Yeah." "We really blew the roof off." "Probably should've done the fireworks outside." "Yeah." "Look at you." "No." "You're cuddling the salami." "You look just like Miss July in the processed meats calendar." "Thank you." "Yeah." "Well, I saw an old friend last night, and he had made some pretty big changes himself, and he just inspired me to just, you know, put myself out there and just go for what I want." "Oh, dressed like that, I bet you're gonna get it." "No, Hank." "I'm just hoping for that little spark." "Well, you don't wanna spark when you're hooking up your new water heater." "That's how I lost my hair." "Excuse me." "Oh." "Hi." "Are you free?" "Free?" "No." "But a halfway decent dinner and a bubble bath have been known to do the trick." "I meant free to get me a sandwich." "Right." "Right." "No problem." "I'm Carli, by the way." "And you are?" "Uh, I'm Rob." "Oh." "Rob." "Don't rob me." "Oh, I've been robbed, and I liked it." "Oh, what can I get you?" "Oh, I don't know." "Uh, what do you think of the prosciutto?" "Good, but overpriced, you know, considering it's just dried meat, and you can get beef jerky at any truck stop for, like, 39 cents a stick." "I mean, not that I hang out at truck stops... anymore." "I'll, uh, take the turkey then." "You got it, Rob." "Okay." "You're new here, right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "You like it?" "Oh, sure." "Although the owner seems a little out of touch." "If it were me, I would do things differently around here." "Like what?" "Well, like that club card they keep pushing on you." "They just bump up the prices so the discount seems real." "I mean, customers see right through that." "Huh." "What else?" "At these prices, they oughta give you a discount on coffee refills." "Basic customer service." "Hmm." "I mean, even a stripper gives you a freebie every once in a while." "You know what I mean?" "Excuse me." "Oh, um..." "Oh, there you go." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Hey, that is the spark I'm talking about." "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you." "Oh, and I'm so sorry for making out with Billy Patterson in the rectory bathroom." "Oh, my gosh." "I wonder when he's coming back." "I should've gotten his last name." "It's Parker." "Rob Parker." "Yeah." "And we met in Parker Foods." "Mmm." "What a coincidence, huh?" "Not if you're the owner's son." "What?" "His old man owns the chain, but Rob runs this store." "Rob's your boss, sparky." "If Rob is the boss, why didn't he stop me when I started trashing the store and flirting like an idiot?" "Oh, that's one of his fancy business school tricks." "He likes to spy on new employees." "It's entrapment." "Like when the hippies framed Nixon." "Oh, I am so fired." "Hank, I can't lose this job." "I got three kids." "Four, if you count my brother." "You want some advice?" "I'm not sure." "Probably not." "I'll give it to you anyway." "Lay low." "I've survived 20 years on this job by staying under the radar, which I wish I'd done when I was flying missions over Pyongyang." "Yeah." "Don't draw attention to yourself, and you'll be fine." "Got it." "♪" "There she is," "Carli Mitchell, the Washington Blondeument." "Nice knowing you." "Buddy" " Buddy, what are you doing?" "I'm Sonny from Miami Vice." "Like prom." "Oh." "I paid a stock boy 20 bucks to put this music on." "Isn't it great?" "No, Buddy, it's not great, okay?" "I'm having a horrible day here, and this is no time for jokes." "Oh, this is no joke, lady." "A joke is when I put that inflatable raft into your locker in high school." "Again, sorry about the broken nose." "Listen, this is not a good time." "I'm serious, okay?" "So am I. ♪" "I should'v've given him 3." "Look, Carli, I didn't just come here to see Nick." "Don't you remember the pact we made in high school?" "If we were still single in 20 years, we'd get married." "Well, it's 20 years later." "You're serious?" "Oh, I'm serious." "And I want everybody to know." "What do you think, folks?" "We make a cute couple, right?" "No, please don't applaud, okay?" "Just" "Carli, look, we're great together." "Yeah?" "I have a nice job, a great house," "I love your kids, and I make you laugh, right?" "I can't believe this is happening." "Oh, it's happening." "Oh, Buddy, wait." "Marry me, Carli, destroyer of Japanese cities." "Carli, sorry to interrupt, and I probably should've told you this earlier, but I'm your boss, and I'd like to see you in my office." "Whenever you're done." "Oh." "That's why you said it's not a good time." "Yeah." "Okay." "Okay, listen, um," "I will just" " I'll meet you at home okay?" "Yeah." "But you'll think about it, yeah?" "Yeah, I'll think about it." "That took a lot of guts, brother." "Great show." "Crappy movie." "Come in." "Hi again." "Oh, whoa." "This is a nice office." "You know, for a boss." "Which now I know that you are." "Have a seat, Carli." "Okay, listen, um, Mr. Parker," "I just want you to know that I am very, very sorry, and" "Was that man out there proposing to you?" "Yes." "But I can assure you that almost never happens." "Or, when it does, there's usually a shotgun involved." "Carli, I asked you" " I did not know you were my boss when I hit on you." "And, you know, obviously you can run the store however you want." "I mean, not that I'm giving you permission to run the store." "I mean, it's your store." "You're the boss." "Carli-- Which, again, now I know." "Carli, I" " And you know what?" "I really" "I really need this job, and I like this job, and I promise you that I will work harder than anybody here if you just don't fire me, please." "Is it my turn?" "You're the boss." "I'm not firing you, Carli." "You're not?" "No." "Your ideas are pretty good." "In fact, we could use someone with a little of your, um-- uh, your" "Energy?" "Enthusiasm?" "Moxie?" "Sass?" "My ability to come up with endless lists of words?" "I was gonna say personality." "But, uh, yeah, all that other stuff." "We need a little of that, too." "So you-- you want me to stay?" "Yeah." "Well, now I just-- I don't know what to say except, um, thank you." "You know, down the road, you might be an excellent candidate for our management training program." "Really?" "If you're interested." "Of course I am." "Wow." "But, uh, that miniskirt may not meet our safety guidelines." "So you noticed." "Hard not to." "That cart collision over in produce was no accident." "That was a pretty big spill." "As long as no one was hurt." "Hi." "Oh." "Hi, honey." "You're early." "Mwah." "This is my new employee Carli." "Carli, this is my girlfriend Rachel." "Hi, Carli." "Hi, girlfriend." "Uh, you know what?" "Um, I have, uh, gotta be going." "I'll see you around, Mr. Parker." "No, no." "Please, call me Rob." "And keep up the good work." "You know what?" "I will." "Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs." "They were like MTV cops." "They were really, really tough and really cool, but also really smart, and they lived in Miami." "Together?" "They were partners in crime fighting." "Hey, guys." "Hey, Mom." "Buddy." "Hey, why don't you guys go in the kitchen and get the table set for dinner, okay?" "You mean get lost while you wrap this weird thing up with Buddy?" "Yeah, do that." "I hope I didn't get you in too much trouble at work." "Actually, it, uh, turned out okay." "Buddy, come on in." "Uh, sit down, okay?" "Come on." "Come on." "Why do I think we're not about to pick out a wedding cake?" "Buddy, you're right." "You are great, and you are gonna make someone a great husband." "And I do love you, but as a buddy," "Buddy." "Why isn't my name Raging Passionate Sex?" "And you do make me laugh." "But we both deserve to be with someone, you know, that we feel a real spark with." "I do." "And feels the same way about us." "At least I got to second base...once." "It was a Twister game, Buddy." "It doesn't count." "All right." "Let's say another ten years from now if we're both single." "Sounds like a plan." "Nick, where have you been?" "All I'm gonna say is, whoever thought of pairing dollar shots with free hot dogs on the water is awesome!"