"JOEY:" "Okay, bring it right in." "Right this way." "Be careful of the sides." "Careful, careful, now." "That's it." "Where do you want Popeye?" "Uh, put him next to Olive, so Bluto can't get at her." "Thanks for being such a helper, Michelle." "You believe I'm finally moved into Uncle Jesse's old room?" "How come you play with dolls?" "Michelle, I am a grown man." "I do not play with dolls." "However, I do make him dance." "[SINGING]" "I make him walk." "[SINGING]" "He talks to me." "[IMITATES POPEYE] "How's it going?"" "[IN NORMAL VOICE] I talk to him. "Oh, not bad, Popeye."" "[LAUGHS]" "Whoa." "Joey, you're playing with the doll." "Okay." "You're right, I am playing with a doll." "But in a manly way." " Let's sing the "Popeye" song." " Okay." "[SINGING "I'M POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN"]" "Toot, toot." "Whoa." "[LAUGHS]" "[LAUGHS]" "Not bad." " Hey, Joe." " Hey." "I'm putting new plumbing in the attic, so I turned off the main, uh, water line." "I hope I'm not inconveniencing anyone." "Jess, one question." "Did you actually wait until the shampoo was burning my eyes before you turned the water off?" "No, I" " Just dumb luck." "Here, let me help you out there." "Let me just" " There." "Let me get this." "So, Deej, what do you think of this orange lipstick?" "It's perfect if you're dating Ronald McDonald." "I'm back!" "[GROANING]" "Thank you." "You're too kind." "I can't believe I'm sharing my room with an 8-year-old again." "Believe it, babe." "Oh, neat." "We're playing makeup." "We do not play makeup, we wear makeup." "Yeah, kid." "Go watch Sesame Street." "I do not watch Sesame Street." "And besides, it's not on till 4:00." "Well, now that you're back, remember the rules." "Keep your baby stuff on your side of the room." "I have no baby stuff." "DOLL:" "Mama." "You were saying?" "You couldn't keep your mouth shut?" "Now I'd like to present the newest addition to our future home the light switch." " Ooh." " Ooh." "And it only took four days to install." "Hey, what is four days compared to a lifetime of worry-free on and off, huh?" "Ready...." "Oh, you know, I forgot to turn the electricity back on." "I better go take care of that." "I don't wanna inconvenience anyone." "How do you time these things?" "Do you have a surveillance camera in my bathroom?" "Look, I realize I'm a little behind schedule, but this is my new home." "I wanna build this place with love, and care, and Old World craftsmanship." "The same way my ancestors built the Parthenon." "The Parthenon is in ruins." "That's what happens when you rush." "Honey, I know that you wanna take your time but this is supposed to be our first home, not our retirement home." "You know, it might speed things up if I helped you." " No, thank you." " Joey, that is a great idea." " Thanks, Joey." " We are gonna have such a great time." "All right, I'll find something for you." "But be honest." "Do you have any experience in construction?" "Are you kidding?" "I once built an entire four-bedroom ranch house." " You did?" " Yeah." "I would've built a garage too, but I ran out of Legos." "[LAUGHS]" "[IN WHEEZY VOICE] Legos!" "Legos!" "I redecorated my side of the room." "What do you think?" "Eh." "Michelle, you're so young." "Now that I'm almost a teenager, you can have my stuffed animals my Barbie, my puppy poster, all my little-kid stuff." "What about this little-kid TV?" "Nice try, sis." "Oh, Mylanta." "Hello, ladies." "Look, Deej, it's your evil mini twin." "Check it out, girls." "I have got my side of the room jamming." "Why are you doing this to me?" "What can I say?" "Mature minds think alike." "Girls, Becky and I have to get down to the station and" "Oh, would you look at those matching outfits." "Isn't that adorable?" "You know what?" "This should be our next Christmas card." "Boy, I remember when I used to dress up like my older sister." "She hated it." "Love you." "Love you." "Love you." "Love you." "Mr. T.?" "Sorry, Gibbler, I was just on a roll." "Well, what do you wanna do now?" "Oh, I don't know." "We could watch MTV, call some boys, shave our legs." "Who are you?" "Come on, Deej." "Let's go to the food court." "I hear they have a new potato topping at The House of Spuds." "Wait, I wanna wear something fun." "Follow me." " I'm right behind you." " So am I." "Don't worry, I'm coming too." "So this is your dad's room." "I bet if these walls could talk, they would go:" "[YAWNS]" "So, Deej, what are we doing in here?" "Well, I'm in here because I'm gonna borrow one of Dad's shirts and ties." "You're in here because you're a pain." "I resent that." "I resent that too." "Did you know your dad has a box of baking soda in his underwear drawer?" "Kimmy, don't touch that." "My dad can tell if you move anything an inch." "Now, I'm just gonna get a shirt and tie, and we'll be out of here." "This one looks good." "And Dad's not scheduled to wear it until next Thursday." "STEPH:" "I'm in luck." "He has another one just like it." "Forget it." "There's no way you're going out of this house dressed like me." "Did you ever think just maybe you're the one dressing like me?" " Leave the shirt alone." " No." "Leave it alone!" "You're in big trouble, mister." "Look what you did now." "Get out of my way, I have to fix it." "No, I can fix it myself." " Let go of it." " No, you let go." " I said, let go!" " Okay." "Well, I can see by the old whole hole in the wall that it's time for me to go." "You girls will never learn." "We're dead!" "Dad is gonna be home any minute." " What are we gonna do?" " I know." "Let's blame Kimmy." "That won't work." "We have to fix the hole." "Right." "We gotta fix that hole." "Well, go ahead." "I don't know how to fix it." "But I know someone who does." "Stephanie, follow me." " What about me?" " You stay right here and watch that hole." "You got it, dude." "I'm good at this." " Nail." " Nail." " Hammer." " Hammer." " Tuna." " Tuna." "You know, Jess, I could handle a lot more responsibility." "Even Pat lets Vanna spin the wheel once in a while." "Hey, the attic's looking really good." "And how about this sandwich I made, huh?" "Very nice." "Hey, Uncle Jesse aren't you worried that you might miss and put a hole in the wall?" "I don't miss." "Well, what if Joey missed?" "Why would I give Joey a hammer?" "Well, what if Joey took your hammer without your permission?" " Then there would be a hole in the wall." " And how would you fix it?" "Well, girls, basically what I would do" "Excuse me, let the man with the tool belt explain." "Now, to fix a hole in the wall is quite simple." "You take a piece of drywall." "You take spackle, put that on." "Smooth it." "Sand it." "Paint it, and kiss the hole goodbye." "Uncle Jesse, how come that window frame is crooked?" "That's impossible." " Joseph, level." " Yes, sir." "Getting the level, sir!" "Bringing the level, sir!" "Handing the level, sir!" " Suck in that gut." " Sucking in, sir." "JESSE:" "That's level." "That's lev" "Girls, you're crazy." "This is perfectly level." " Where did they go?" " Well, you know these kids today." "They just don't appreciate leveling like we used to." "Yeah, sad but true." "Okay, I'm gonna fix my wall bed over there." "Joseph, electrical tape." "[IMITATES QUASIMODO] Yes, master." "Yes." "I'll do your bidding, master." "Get you the electrical tape, master." "But please, don't level my hump." "You see, this is the exact immature attitude that makes me the king of home improvement and you, the court jester." "[IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay, fine." "Do it all yourself." "Well, at least it'll be done right." "[YELLING]" "JESSE:" "Joey, help me!" "Hark." "Is that the king asking the court jester for help?" "Sound the trumpets." "[IMITATING TRUMPETS]" "JESSE:" "Joseph, just get me out of here!" "Is there a switch?" "JESSE:" "Yeah, it's in my tool belt." "I haven't put it in yet." "Good planning, Your Majesty." "JESSE:" "I'm in here." "If I see you laugh once...." "You won't." "[LAUGHS]" "There." "I'm okay now." "I must have short-circuited the wire." "All right, cut me out of here." "Isn't there something you'd like to say first?" "Something with the words, "I'm sorry" in it?" " Absolutely not." " Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay." "I'm sorry." "For what?" "Well, maybe I was a tad on the bossy side." "Okay, okay, okay, okay." "I was a power-crazed maniac." "And?" "And I should learn to let people help me, and not do everything myself, okay?" "Okay, I'll help you get out of there." " There's one thing I wanna ask you first." " What?" " Are you really stuck in there?" " Yes." "Are you sure that you're really, really stuck in there?" "Yes." "Good." "There's something I want to do." "JESSE:" "What?" "Hey, not the hair!" "Not the hair!" "Leave my hair alone!" "No!" "Aaarggh!" "Joseph!" "Joseph!" "Joseph!" "Joseph!" "Joseph!" "Joseph!" "Stop!" "D.J.:" "That ought to do it." "Looks good to me." "You would never know a pole went through that wall." "Are you nuts?" "Michelle, don't stare right at it." "If you glance at it real fast, you don't even notice it." "Watch." "Now you try." "I still see it." "Who are we kidding?" "Dad is gonna freak." "This never would've happened if you weren't following me around, trying to act like a teenager." "That doesn't matter now!" "Nothing matters!" "We're gonna be grounded in our room forever!" "Steph, don't panic." "I have an idea." "That will never work!" "You haven't even heard my idea yet." "Let's move the dresser to cover the hole." "Like I said, that will never work." "Dad notices everything." "He sees us when we're sleeping, he knows when we're awake, he knows" "Steph, that's Santa Claus." "Now, listen to me." "All we have to do is move everything else along this wall over to the right and he'll never notice we moved the dresser." "Now, come on, help me push." "DANNY:" "Girls, I'm home!" "He's home!" "We're dead!" "We're dead!" "We're dead!" "We're not dead yet." "We can still pull this off." "Now, Michelle, I'm going to give you the most important job you've ever had." "Do I gotta watch the hole again?" "No, you have to go downstairs and stop Dad from coming up here." "How do I do that?" "Um, talk to him, keep him busy, do whatever it takes." " Now, can you do it?" " I could do it." "Great." "Go get him." "Do you think she can do it?" "Not a chance." "DANNY:" "Girls?" "!" "Hi, Daddy!" "Oh, well, it's nice to see you too, sweetheart." "Oh, isn't this fun." "Okey-dokey, hello." "I can do a cheer." "Go, team, go!" "Ta-da!" "Well, that's very good, sweetheart." "I can say my phone number:" "555-2424." "Oh, that's very good too, sweetheart." "I can say it with my eyes closed." "555-2424." "Well, you'll never top that one, sweetheart." "I'm gonna go upstairs and see if your sisters are there." "They're not doing anything wrong." "Well, that pretty much means they are, doesn't it?" "You cannot go upstairs." "Oh, yes, I can." "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "D.J.:" "Hurry, he's coming." "Hurry." "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's coming!" "He's here." "I did the best I could." "She even told me her phone number with her eyes closed." "The question is why did she tell me her phone number with her eyes closed?" "And why are the two of you in my room?" "Darn." "It was supposed to be a surprise." "It was?" "Steph, you can stop playing dumb now." "Well, the reason we're in your room is because we...." "We're writing a song about you." "Right." "And we needed some inspiration." "Really?" "Well, I would love to hear the song that my room inspired." "Oh, why don't you sing it for him, Steph?" "Um, why don't we both sing it?" "[SINGING] Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad" "Take it, Deej." "He's our dad And he's got a really clean room" "Take it home, Steph." "He keeps it that way With a mop and a broom" "Big finish." " Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad" " Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad" " He's our dad" " He's our dad" "You know, girls, hearing that beautiful song makes me realize that you two are definitely up to something." "Does that mean you didn't like our song?" "All right, you two, look." "I loved your song." "You know, I've had a really hard day so I'm just gonna buy this song thing, all right." "Everybody looks happy and healthy." "What the heck?" "I guess I'm a little off today." "Well, why don't you take a nap?" "Yeah, yeah, maybe I will." "Just don't miss the bed." "[SINGING] Dad, Dad, he's our dad" "I can't believe we got away with it." "We never get away with anything." "That was a little too close." "Let's not punch any more holes in Dad's wall, okay?" "Deal." "Wasn't that the dumbest song you ever heard?" "[SINGING] Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad" "Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad" "Dad, Dad, Dad" "Michelle, why are you singing?" "I love that song." "You love it?" "We just made it up." "All it does is go:" "[SINGING] Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad Dad, Dad, Dad" "That's why I love it." "I know all the words." "[SINGING] Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad" "Can you believe her?" "She wants to do everything I do." "Do you find that annoying when your little sister always wants to copy you?" "Oh, I get it." "I guess I'm always annoying you." "Well, not all the time." "You saved us with that silly "Dad" song." "You were pretty tricky." "I learned it from watching you." "I am good, aren't I?" "Hey, look." "In a few years, you're gonna make a pretty cool teenager." " Really?" " Yup." "But until then, do me a favor and just stick to being a pretty cool kid." "You think I'm a cool kid?" "Yeah, you're a cool kid." "I'm back." "So, ladies, what are we gonna do now?" "[GROANING]" "Girls?" " Yes, Dad?" " Yes, Dad?" "Something's been bothering me since you left." "And I have finally figured out what is wrong with my room." "Who moved the baking soda in my underwear drawer?" "I love that "Dad" song." "How does it go again?" "[SINGING IN UNISON] Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad" "What's that mop and the broom part?" "[SINGING IN UNISON] You've got a really clean room" "He keeps it that way With a mop and a broom" "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH SDH]"