"[cat purrs, meows]" "♪♪ Fast, lively Flamenco music playing... [screams] [giggles]" " [Puss yowling]" " El Gato!" "[yowls]" "*THE ADVENTURES OF PUSS IN BOOTS* Season 05 Episode 01 Title:" "Second to One"" "♪♪ Dramatic orchestral music playing..." "[Uli] Das Blutwolf." "[laughing maniacally]" "Das Blutwolf!" "[Puss] Why would you do this?" "We are your friends." "[Uli] I have no friends." "I live only for Das Blutwolf." "And there's nothing you can do to stop it." "[distant clamoring]" "[Puss] Senior Puss Squad, to me!" "[yowls] [both screaming]" "[Puss] We will defeat this Bloodwolf!" "♪♪ Thrilling orchestral music continues... [electricity surging]" "[growls] [roars]" "[growling]" "[low roar] [screaming]" "[coughing] [laughing]" "It was amazing." "Dulcinea came back with the amulet just in time and we totally defeated the Bloodwolf." "[laughs boisterously] It was great." "[The Duchess] Yes, yes." "We were there." "It was just yesterday." "It true." "Golem remember." "[laughs] Yes, Ginger." "Ah!" "We were quite the team." "[chuckles]" "Yes." "We were." "Were we not?" "It has truly been the greatest adventure." "Thank you." "No, Maestro." "Thank you." "It was an honor for me" " to fight alongside..." " Yes." "Yes." "I know." "[gasps] [sniffles]" "Okay." "Well, goodbye, then." "[Goodsword] Farewell, Puss in Boots." "[horse neighs] [footsteps thudding]" "Travel safely, Amigos." "[sighs]" "Well... the Bloodwolf is gone, the Sphinx is asleep on duty as usual... [sighs] All is right with the world." "Hello, Pajuna." "[kids laughing]" " Good morning." " [man] Hiya, Puss." "Señora Zapata." "[Toby] Hey, Dulcinea, can we plant a bacon tree?" " [Dulcinea and Kid Pickles laughing] - [gasps]" "Dulcinea." "Do my eyes deceive me?" "What are you doing?" "What?" "We're tending to the garden." "But gardening is peasant work." "Manual labor is not for The One from the Great Prophecy." "This is scandalous." "Oh, Puss, are you gonna keep bringing that up?" "That was just a one-time thing." "To tell you the truth, I'm glad that things are back to normal." "Things are not back to normal, Dulcinea." "You are the greatest hero in the universe." "A fact with which I swear I am completely fine." "So, wait, you're saying that Dulcinea's the protector of San Lorenzo now?" "That is precisely what I am saying." "And that she's the greatest hero who ever lived?" "Yes." "And again, fine with it." "But..." "But then... what does that make you?" "Why, um... it makes me... ♪♪ Suspenseful music playing... ♪♪ [groans quizzically] [chomping]" "[grunting] [muffled shout] I do not know who I am!" "Puss, don't let yourself get worked up." "I am not getting worked up!" "[panting]" "Uh, I will be right back." "[panting]" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" "[Puss echoing] Who am I?" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" "[shouting] Who am I?" "Who am I?" "♪♪ Spiritual music playing... [clinking]" "[screaming]" "Ah-ha!" "I have it!" "Go on." "[kids laughing]" " Go." " Aww." "Oh, Puss, the orphans are expecting me in the classroom." "I don't have time for this." "[Puss] We are doing it." "[clattering] [bottles clinking]" "[grumbles]" "Puss?" " [bottles clinking]" " Ooh!" "[gasps]" "[gasps]" "Dulcinea." "I have discovered my true calling." "And that is?" "I, Puss in Boots, hereby pledge to serve as your sidekick during your noble quest as protector of San Lorenzo." "Puss, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not The One anymore." "The Bloodwolf is gone and as far as I see it," "I've fulfilled my end of the prophecy." "Dulcinea, clearly you know nothing of prophecies." "Once The One, always The One." "And do not worry, I will be the greatest sidekick of all time." "This is my sacred sidekick vow which I shall not break, ever!" "[Dulcinea sighs]" "Puss, for the last time, I'm just regular old Dulcinea." "Oh, really?" "Then why are you holding a fancy sword?" "I'm not..." "Oh." "I will now don my official sidekick hat." "Now, we must both drink from this cup of putrid fish mush and become bonded forever." "[sniffs] Bleugh!" "Come on." "It is part of the ceremony." "What does that have to do with being a sidekick?" "It has everything to do with being a sidekick." "Observe!" "[slurps] [gulps] [retches, groans] [whimpering]" "[moans]" "Puss, are you in here?" "Oh, thank goodness." "Eames, can you not see that you are interrupting an ancient and holy ceremony?" "I think we have a problem." "See what I mean?" "Do you think we should get the Senior Puss Squad back?" "You know, on account of this swirling death vortex?" "What would I know?" "I am just a sidekick." "I'm no expert, but it seems safe enough, as horrible, gaping, magic portals go." " What do you think, Puss?" " [gasps]" "You are asking me?" "A humble sidekick?" "You pay me a mighty compliment." "Um, Dulcinea?" "Why is Puss acting like that?" "[mumbles] I don't know." " [distant screaming]" " Master!" "There is trouble in town." "Shall I summon your horse?" "I don't have a horse." " Then I will be your horse." " [exclaims]" "Hiyah!" "[grunting, panting] [snorts, continues panting] [screaming] [shrieking]" "[clucks, growling]" "[thief 1] We are trying to clean up our diets." "[thief 2] You should be proud of us." "No more refined carbohydrates." "[panting] Let them go, Cleevil." "It's just vegetables." "[panting] But, Toby..." "vegetables are food!" "Vegetables are food?" "Come back with our food, you monsters!" "[all groan]" "[Puss] Halt, villains." "Surrender at once." "Oh, no, this guy." "Look, we do not want no trouble." "Allow me to introduce to you the great hero of San Lorenzo," "Dulcinea!" "From now on, she will be the one doing the punching." "I will?" "Is this a trick?" "Not at all." "I am just a lowly sidekick now." "Real living garbage." "So, you are not going to fight us?" "I am not." "[groans]" "See?" "Nothing I can do." "A sidekick." "[grunting] [continues grunting, laughing]" "Yes." "Everyone, look at the helpless sidekick." "Please, Dulcinea, save me." "Oh, um, please stop slapping him." "[groaning]" "Or else what?" "I will reprimand you?" "Sternly." "[both growling, grunting] [screams]" "Go, Dulcinea." "Do some stabby stuff." "Oh!" "[grunts] Congratulations on your promotion." "Oh, um, thanks. [chuckles] Not really a promotion." " [thief grunts]" " My friend's confused is all." "[screams] [all grunting]" "Well, regardless, we look forward to fighting with you many times in the future." "[both continue grunting] [loud growling]" "Um, quick question." "What was that?" " [swords clanging] - [grunting]" "[Puss] You are doing great." "Also, still fine with this arrangement." "[grunts]" "I am not a hero!" "[growls] [screams in pain]" " [grunting] - [groaning] [both groan]" "Wow, that was amazing, Dulcinea!" "You're literally a hero!" "Yes, master, very impressive showing." "The sword thing did not look that thought out, but, no matter." "I could not have done it better myself." "[grumbles]" "Not that I wanted to!" "I don't think she really wants to be the hero." "[chuckles] Of course she does." " ♪♪ Flamenco music playing..." " [no audible dialogue]" "♪♪" "♪♪" "[Dulcinea] "The first bowl of porridge was..."" "A snake." ""too hot." "But the second bowl of porridge was..."" "A mercenary in disguise." ""too cold." "Finally, Goldilocks tried the third bowl of porridge which was just right."" "[laughing] "Just right." Hilarious." "You see, the moral of the story Dulcinea so masterfully conveyed is that porridge is very nourishing for both bears and humans alike." "Um, Puss, you know you don't have to be my sidekick all the time." "Like, right now, for instance." "Maybe you can just save it for when I'm protecting the town." "[chuckles]" "But of course I do." "Look, Dulcinea, I do not make the sidekick rules." "There are rules for being a sidekick?" "Oh, yes, thousands." "And I have memorized them all, because I, Puss in Boots, love being a sidekick." "Really?" "You don't miss doing hero stuff?" "You actually like being... [whispers] ...number two?" "Absolutely." "Being number two is as natural to me as being number one is to Dulcinea." "Really, Dulcinea?" "You know something?" "I'm actually starting to enjoy it." "A little." "You get free leche in the cantina, the adoration of mindless hordes." "I even got a key to the city." " Holy smokes!" " Wow-ee!" "It's so brassy." "What?" "You got a key to the city?" "I mean, yes, children, she loves being a hero and I love being her sidekick." "Why, I would not go back to being a great hero for all the shiny keys in the world." "Yeah, right." "All right, all right, let's everyone leave Sidekick Puss alone, okay?" "It is all right." "I have nothing to hide." "I speak the truth, Kid Pickles." "Being a hero is terrible." "What with the spinning through the air thing and the swashbuckling, and the derring-do..." "Punching filthy thieves, and kicking filthy thieves and stabbing filthy thieves." "It... [chuckles nervously]" "Well..." "No, no, no, it is terrible." "I am much better suited for the quiet life of a sidekick." "[laughs]" "So happy." "Did you know that your mouth is smiling but your eyes are not?" "That means you're lying." "Do not be absurd." "I am smiling so wide because I am so happy with this arrangement." "See?" "Listen to the happy laugh sounds I am making." "Hee-ha!" "Hee-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" "Really?" " Really." " [Eames screaming]" " [grunts, screams] - [clucking]" "[crows loudly] [clucking] [crowing]" "[Dulcinea gasps] [both grunting]" "What are those things?" "Chickens?" "Reptiles?" "Chicktiles?" "I have no idea!" "But look!" "[all clucking, crowing] [humming]" " [Dulcinea] Artephius!" " Eh?" "Huh?" "Oh, hey, Dulcey!" "Just writing a little love poem for my love lady." "[crowing]" "Hey, is something wrong?" "Yes!" "Everything!" "Oh, wowsey!" "A herd of cockatrices!" "Last I heard, they were extinct." "Banished to the Netherworld." "Ooh-hoo!" "What a treat." "Well, those treats are coming out of the Netherworld and destroying our town." "We need to get them back inside the portal and close it." "[laughs]" "Oh, no." "[continues laughing]" "Oh, everyone knows that once the portal's been opened it can never be closed." "No one knows that." "Except you." "And now us." "I will spread the word." "Say, quick question." "I'm trying to write my old lady a poem." "What rhymes with "love town"?" "[gasps] Get down." "[Artephius] Oh, that works." "[crowing]" "Is everyone all right?" "Well, we're hiding from chicken monsters, so I'm gonna say no." "W-What do we do now, Dulcinea?" "Those monsters are destroying everything." "We kill them!" "With kindness!" "What?" ""When a foe is rude to you, a simple hug will more than do."" "The hero of San Lorenzo has spoken." "I go at once." "To hug the danger away!" "[clucking, crowing outside]" "[Dulcinea screams] [panting]" "Okay, that was a really bad plan." "I'm freaking out a little." "Puss." "I am here, master." "What do we do now?" "You are asking me?" "A lowly sidekick?" "[laughing] Hilarious." "Puss, we don't have time for this." "Just cut the act." "But I swore a sidekick's oath." "Forget your oath, Puss." "Look, I know you were upset that I was The One, okay?" "What?" "Me, upset?" "I was not upset." "[chuckles nervously]" "Do not..." "Do not be ridiculous." "Ha!" "Hey, do I look upset?" "[laughing]" " [growling] - [groans] [gasps]" "[sighs]" "I'm sorry, Puss." "It's okay to be upset when things don't go the way you wanted them to." "But that was then, and this is now." "And right now, your town needs you." "Time to decide, Puss." "Are you a hero or not?" "[sighs] I must break my oath." "Forgive me, Felina." "San Lorenzo, I have a shocking confession to make." "I am not cut out to be a sidekick." "No." "Really?" "Yes, really." "I am a hero, and always have been." "Glad to hear it." "Now, what's the plan?" "I have two plans." "Mr. Righty and the oh-so-sneaky Capitan Lefty." "They both have a date with those..." "Birds?" "Lizards?" "Blizzards?" "You get the idea." "[Pajuna] How about a third plan?" "My sword!" "[Pajuna] I fixed it for you, laddie." "At last, I am complete again!" " [crowing] - [clamoring] [clucking, crowing] [people screaming]" "[crunches, gulps]" "Wow." "That is just a lot of cockatrices." "[crows, roars]" "[panting] [grunting] [screams] [crows]" " [Puss grunts] - [crows]" " [continues crowing]" " Huh?" "[cockatrices groaning]" " [gasps] Whoa!" " [clucks] [screams, grunts] [cockatrices clucking]" "[crowing]" " [grunts] - [screaming] [clucking in surprise]" "Two heroes are better than one." "Oh, I almost forgot." "Ready?" "Ready." "[both screaming] [groaning clucks] [grunting]" " [Dulcinea exclaims] - [clucks] [clucking loudly] [screams]" " [clucking]" " Ha-ha!" "[Puss screams]" " Whee!" " [grunts] [slow-motion sounds] [all crowing]" "[both grunting] [crowing]" "That's right!" "Run away... chickens!" "I had to say it." "It is good to be back." "We both know that you're the hero around here." "I never wanted to be you." "I just want to be me." "Thank you, Dulcinea." "I will not let you down." "I know you won't." "But we need to close that portal." "Who knows what else could come out of there." "Maybe those things were just the beginning." "Also, should we be worried about the herd of monsters that just ran off into the desert?" "Meh." "What harm could they do out there?" "Huh?" "[chuckles] [crows, roars] [people screaming]" "[shrieking cluck]" "♪♪ Fast, lively Flamenco music playing... ♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪"