"?" "tist?" "Really, Dad?" "Just because we're having takeout?" "Tooth-hurty!" "Gary, you are terrible." "I've always loved fortune cookies." "You reach into the bowl and randomly select something that applies to you and only you." ""You are the excellent judge of character. "" "There was a solid reason it landed in my cookie and not Raja's." "Raja may know a thing or two about a thing or two, but there's one ing that Raja doesn't know squat about:" "girls." "Petitioning against petitions to end petitions!" "Take a stand today!" "Michael?" "Specifically, girls named Mindy Weinblau." "Mindy can best be described as overbearing, needy, compulsive." "And those are her good qualities." "Oh, hey, you guys!" "Mindy!" "Run!" "Hi, Raja." "It's Raja, right?" "Right." "Doesn't that mean red in Spanish?" "I do not think so." "Oh." "I don't take Spanish." "I take Italian." "I know." "I'm in your class." "Oh, right." "Sign my petition to allow petitions?" "It's in response to an anti-petition petition that Anthony started." "He's' a real schmuck-face." "Oh, well, then, sure." "Why not?" "Oh, so awesome that you're going to sign." "You're going to sign, right?" "It takes a moment." "Right." "Take your time." "Don't be so manic, right?" "I'm working on it." "This signature means a lot to me, Raja." "It's my only one." "Mindy, there are 36 other signatures here." "Look." ""Anita Mandalay. "" ""Adolph Oliver Bush. "" "I do not know Adolph." "What year is he?" "±¾×ÖÄ"½ö¹©Ñ§Ï°½"Á÷£¬ÑÏ½ûÓÃÓÚÉÌÒµÓÃÍ¾" "=ÆÆÀÃÐÜ×ÖÄ"×é=- ·­Òë:" "Ð£¶Ô:" "Ê±¼äÖá:" "ÂóÂó ¾ÆÄÒ·¹´ü" ""Adolph Oliver Bush. "" "Why would students do such a thing to make up fake names that sound like sexually explicit acts?" "Uh, gJcause it's funny." "Not to Mindy." "She cried real tears." "Dude, why did you sign her petition?" "I was trying to be nice." "You can't be nice to Mindy." "She's a mental patient." "Are you a doctor?" "No." "Then you are in no position to assess Mindy's mental health." "Why are you defending Mental Mindy?" "Why?" "Because I see goodness in her." "Because she is in my Italian class." "And because maybe, just maybe," "I see some of myself in her." "In Mindy?" "!" "I know how it feels to be ostracized, okay?" "Mindy and I have that much in common." "Trust me, Mindy and Raja had nothing in common." "But, of course, Raja didn't know that." "He was not "the excellent judge of character. "" "My father was in the same boat." "Get it!" "Get in there!" "Oh..." "Franny, door!" "Hi, there!" "I'm Ted Becker and this is my wife, Leslie." "Hi!" "We just bought the house across the street so we wanted to stop by and say..." "Michael Redd's awesome?" "Right." "We just wanted to stop by and say Michael Redd's awesome." "They're looking awfully good this year." "Yeah, especially from my club seats." "I've got season tickets." "Mm." "Ted, would you like to come inside and have a drink?" "Come on, you got a foot on him!" "Post him up." "Seven-foot guy convinced he's a shooting guard." "And there is this terrific little Italian place in town that you just have to try." "We love Italian." "Okay, then, I'll make a reservation for the four of us." "That sounds like fun!" "Ted?" "Yeah, yeah, sounds good to me." "As long as it's not on a night when me and Gar are at the Bucks..." "You!" "Agh!" "Oh, Ted, we should get going." "If I don't get that roast in the oven, we're not going to eat till 9:00." "Uh... uh... okay." "All right, then." "I cannot tell you how glad I am that you stopped by." "Us, too." "It really is a pleasure." "Well, how about I make that reservation for next week, then?" "Yeah, sounds good." "Oh, jeez, I almost forgot the whole reason" "I came over here in the first place." "Oh, duh!" "That's right." "Um..." "I'm a convicted sex offender." "I'm required by law to inform you." "You!" "You almost had me...!" "No!" "The thing is I'm not joking." "But don't worry." "I'm his only victim." "Come here, you!" "Oh, help, help, no!" "How'd I ever fend again?" "Okay, now we're joking." "That's not how it really went down." ""How it really went down"" "kind of sounded like the basis of a Tom Petty song." "They were high school sweethearts." "Class rings, prom..." "Ted went away to college." "Leslie came to visit." "They got caught together in Ted's dorm room." "Ted was 19." "Leslie was 17." "The law decided to make an example of him." "Ted served six months in prison." "Look, we understand if you want to cancel dinner." "We've been married 15 years, but some people still take issue." "Ted, hold on." "The Tolchucks aren't "some people. "" "Really?" "That's great." "Aw, thanks for being so understanding." "Yeah, and if you have any questions..." "Ted, I have absolutely nothing else to say on the subject, except maybe "Go, Bucks!"" "Go, Bucks, baby!" "Non molestate i bambini." "Brava, class." "Brava." "Now, I'm going to ask you to split into groups of two." "This will be your basic conversation partner for our next study unit." "Hmm?" "Jenna?" "Already taken?" "It was kind of hard to watch." "Mindy bounced around in that classroom like a pinball, a pinball that nobody wanted to be friends with." "Finally, Raja could take no more." "Mindy Weinblau?" "Yes?" "Would you like to be my partner?" "I'm pretty sure this moment was of Faustian proportions, but I actually never finished reading Faust because I got mono." "Anyhoo, the point is," "Raja had no idea what he was really signing on for." "No, seriously," "I'm just asking because I'm confused." "You like annoying girls?" "Like the more annoying the better, or what?" "Jealousy is not becoming, Justin." "What?" "!" "jealous?" "!" "Jea..." "You think I'm jealous." "That's hilarious." "You're actually hilarious." "Thank you." "Look, Mindis a good person, huh." "Very charitable." "Quite active in her community." "And these are qualities Cúadmire, which is why I offered to spend my Saturday assisting with her volunteer work." "Okay, but to you, this may be charity, but to her, this is much, much more." "I'm telling you, Raja, you bit off more than you can chew." "I am not sure what that means." "Huh, well, we agree to disagree, then." "I'll get it." "Hi." "Do you know why I'm here?" "It's not a secret, but do you know?" "For Raja." "Oh, my, God, yes!" "For Raja!" "Don't tell anyone." "Um, you know, I just don't know if I'm supposed to tell anybody yet." "We're kind of falling in love." "What?" "I totally had an X-rated dream about him last night." "Well, maybe X, but NC-17." "Or is that worse?" "Maybe it was R?" "Anyway, in the dream, he was shirtless." "Shirtless?" "Raja?" "And he rode up on this steed..." "You mean a horse." "I think it was a stallion." "Oh, my God!" "My face is so red!" "My face is beet red!" "No, it's not, Mindy." "I'm so embarrassed!" "So am I." "Justin... why not join our effort, huh?" "Caring for the elderly might warm your black soul." "Justin?" "Suit yourself." "I have a permit, so that means" "I can drive during the day, but I have to be home by dark." "Also, I drive a hybrid." "Do they have those in your country?" "The sound of Mindy's voice eclipsed all else:" "the birds in the sky, the wind in the trees." "And as I watched Raja get into Mindy's hybrid and drive away, the only thought that came into my mind was:" "better him than me." ""I told you so" is an art form practiced by many, but perfected by few." "Use it too soon, and it doesn't land." "Use it too late, and it seems petty, irrelevant." "But a well-played" ""I told you so" delivered at just the right time?" "Priceless." "Mindy Weinblau is the most irritating..." "I told you so!" "She is intolerable." "Even the elderly despised her." "They did not want her food." "Some pretended they were dead just so they could avoid Mindy's visit." "Oh, and a woman with a walker tried to run- fun, Justin- with almost no use of her legs." "Well, brace yourself because it gets worse." "Worse?" "How do you mean, worse?" "She thinks you guys are in love." "She had a shirtless dream about you." "You were on a horse." "That is ridiculous." "I do not even ride." "You shouldn't have led her on, dude." "I did no such thing." "You signed her "petition. "" "You asked her to be your "partner. "" "Language partner." "Well, in our language, Raja, that sends a message." "I tried to warn you." "I will fix this." "I will tell her quite simply" ""I am just not that into you. "" "Surely, she will understand." "Books and feature films have been devoted to the subject, have they not?" "I tried to tell Raja that words wouldn't work with a girl like Mindy." "But Raja wouldn't listen to reason." "And consequently, Mindy wouldn't listen him." "Questo ristorante ?" "molto romantico" "Credo che prender o it vitello." "Preferirei che ristorante fosse mend romantico." "Credo che prendero i manicotti e una piccola insalataella casa." "I manicotti mi sembrano perfetti, vista che ci stiamo inmorando." "Non ci stiamo innamorando, siamo solo amici ed ora ordiner o del pollo." "Bravissima." "Notice, class, how fluid their exchange was." "How natural..." "Ti amo, Raja." "And I don't care who knows it." "I love him." "Oh, it's..." "Mindy, I think there has been some confusion." "It could be cultural, since I am from Pakistan and you are from Medora." "Or it could be generational since am a junior and you are a sophomore." "We like each other, don't we, Raja?" "Sort of, but..." "No "buts" then, Raja." "Let's not have "buts. "" "But I have a "but," Mindy." "And it is a big "but. "" "The truth is, you are not the girl for me." "I'm not?" "How come?" "This was the crucial moment." "Raja needed to crush Mindy like a bug." "Tell her that he refused to spend another day as a prisoner to her nonstop chatter." "State point blank that he's just not into her." "But instead, Raja wussed." "Because I am Muslim." "I... am..." "Muslim." "Yes." "And you are not." "So, you see, our religious differences have created an insurmountable obstacle, that to be quite frankly is..." "Insurmountable?" "Precisely right." "So it's not me." "Oh, no." "God, no." "You are so... unique." "It is just, you know." "Muslim." "Hello." "Right." "Got it." "Raja?" "I want you to know I respect you even more for your deep-seated values and your puppetlike devotion to your faith." "Thank you." "Raja felt a huge sense of accomplishment." "He had dealt with Mindy his way." "And he hadn't come off like a jerk while doing it." "Unlike someone else we knew..." "Well, forgive me, Gary, if I'm not doing back flips over going to our favorite restaurant with Mr. Molesterburg." "Mr. and Mrs. Molesterburg, Franny." "They're a married couple, remember?" "Gary, people in this town don't know all the details." "All they know is that he's a convicted sex offender." ""And, oh, look, the Tolchucks are out to dinner with him. "" "Gary, people are going to think we condone this sort of thing." "What sort of thing?" "Premarital sex?" "He's a rapist, Gary." "Oh, come on, Franny." "He is not." "Technically, he is." "Ugh." "Okay." "We are supposed to be there in 15 minutes." "So what do you want to do?" "They got real good focaccia." "Grab my coat." "Mm-hmm." "Okay." "Your party's already seated." "Straight through, to the round table, see?" "You monster." "Uh, just having dinner." "Thanks." "Yeah, get out of our neighborhood and stay away from our children." "Oh..." "So, should we order up some appetizers?" "They have calamari." "Oh, that's my fave." "I know." "I'm sorry, but I can't believe you can just pretend that didn't happen." "Franny..." "What are you gonna do?" "Some people don't want to hear the whole story." "Some people want to yell and scream and... waste a perfectly good glass of Chardonnay." "Chicken looks good, hon." "Sure." "Let's have chicken." "I guess some people are just made for each other, and no amount of adversity will ever be able to keep them apart." "She said she understood and then she went away." "She went away?" "Just like that?" "She didn't grab onto your ankle and cry?" "Stop trying to be part of the conversation." "I'm not." "No, she was really quite reasonable." "Well, you played the Muslim card." "I mean, what could she say?" "I played the what?" "The Muslim card." "And it sounds like you played it pretty well." "I did not play a card." "What I told her was true." "My religion would strictly forbid such a union." "See?" "He's pretty good at it, right, guys?" "Raja, there's nothing wrong with playing the Muslim card." "Stop saying that." "I did not play the Muslim card." "You're playing it right now." "Oh, that is ridiculous." "What a freak show." "Last night after Homework Club," "I found Allah." "Really?" "Where was he?" "I'm like you now, Raja." "I believe what you believe." "And I'm the only Muslim girl within a 20-mile radius." "I checked." "Looks like Raja wasn't the only one who knew how to play the Muslim card." "And to be honest?" "I'm not sure who played it better." ""Muslim Mindy" seemed to be adjusting to her new religion pretty well." "Look at her." "She thinks dressing in this costume and shutting up a little suddenly makes her Muslim?" "I think I'm sensing a little displaced anger here." "Now, Raja, are you really mad at Muslim Mindy?" "Or are you mad at yourself for not being more direct?" "I think I am mad at Muslim Mindy." "No." "I'm not trying to sit with you, okay?" "The Italian teacher wants Raja." "I can't help but feel partly responsible, since my class is where they met." "And fell in love." "We are not in love." "Italian is a language filled with passion." "Yeah, well, if Mindy wanted to convert to Italian, that would have been fine." "Muslim, not so much." "So, Raja, I guess what the parents are asking here is..." "Will you release our daughter from your Svengali-like grip?" "Weinblaus," "Signora Quercioli," "I assure you:" "I have nothing to do with this masquerade nor do I condone someone converting to Islam based solely on a high school crush." "Mindy, did you hear that?" "Even the Muslim boy thinks that people shouldn't go around converting to Muslim." "Islam and that is not what I said." "Mindy could convert to Islam." "I'm simply saying I do not think she has." "It requires some knowledge." "Of the Shahada, for example." "Well, I'm sure Mindy doesn't know anything about that." "It is a declaration one makes that says..." ""There is" ""no God but Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of God. "" "That is basically it, yes." "So what?" "Is she a Muslim now?" "Well... technically." "Man, I am really surprised she knew that one." "Oh." "Meanwhile, my mom had come to a little epiphany of her own." "She felt bad about what happened to Ted in the restaurant and vowed to be less judgmental than the rest of Medora." "My mom had touched Mr. Becker." "But in an appropriate way." "And she had one more surprise waiting when we got home from school." "Oh, my gosh, Raja." "You have a visitor." "A lovely Muslim girl." "At least I think she's lovely she's wrapped up like a burrito, but still." "A girl for you." "Look." "I'll be in my room." "Justin, please do not leave me." "Raja, sorry." "This is on you." "Do what you should have done from the start." "Raja had never broken up with a girl, especially a girl that wasn't his girlfriend." "But now he would do something that wasn't against his religion... but was totally against his nature." "He would be the jerk." "Raja." "Oh, my God, Raja." "I wanted to apologize for my parents." "They were so out of line." "I want you to know that I will never let them keep us apart." "I did this for us, so we can be together..." "Weinblau." "Outside, now." "Just because someone adopts the same faith as you, it does not mean you like them more." "In fact, it might even mean you like them less." "Raja, what are you saying?" "I am not into you, Mindy." "And I never will be." "In fact, I find you intolerable." "Things between us are over." "They never started, but now they are finished." "And you will soave to find yourself a new Italian partner." "Ciao." "Ciao?" "After everything I've done for you?" "At that moment," "Mindy may not have been a convincing Muslim... but she seemed to have the Jewish guilt thing down." "Whoa." "What's with the Nation of Islam on your porch there?" "Oh, that's Raja." "He lives with us." "He's our foreign exchange student." "Seriously?" "Yeah, why?" "I don't know, I just kinda wish we knew that one of those people was in the neighborhood before we bought the house." "What?" "!" "Well, not exactly the kind of thing you want in your community, you know what I'm saying?" "Oh, you gotta be kidding." "This coming from the rapist?" "Oh, here we go." "Was it my imagination?" "Or had our new neighbor just played the Muslim card, too?" "The truth is, we all play the cards we've been dealt." "Muslim." "Father." "Dork." "And on those rare occasions when you pull a wild card, like Mental Mindy or Mr. Molesterburg?" "Well, I guess that's part of what makes the game a challenge, right?"