"THE BISPEBJERG TRICK" " It's a fantastic house." " Yes." "Gorgeous house, Leon." " This is the herb garden?" " Yes." "Nothing beats pulling up your own carrots." "If the carrots are good we'll buy it." "I'll have the big one." " There's a greenhouse as well." " My wife loved that." "Why are you selling at all?" "It's lonely, looking after it on my own after my wife died." " She died?" " Yes." "Three years ago." " What did she die of?" " It was a drowning accident." "In Oresund." "They never found the body." "It disappeared?" "That's strange." "It's such a narrow sound." " There's lots of fishing vessels." " The currents are strong." "Even so." "When the body starts fermenting it should surface." "Would you like to walk around on your own for a bit?" " If you have questions, just knock." " Thanks, Leon." " Isn't it nice?" " I don't get it, honey." "How can you drown in Oresund without ever being found?" "Should we stick it down your pants?" " Gosh, this is lovely." " I'm going to go to the loo." " I never got the lock on." " Okay." "Sorry." "He's eating carrots out there." "While he's having a dump." "I'm finished now, Frank." "I don't need to go." "I was just having a look." "Get in touch if you're interested or want to see it again." "What a weird thing to do, eating while you're on the loo." "Eating while you're having a dump is a bit blunt." "I bet he killed his wife, too." "They never found the body." "He was obviously affected by it." " Maybe he was eating carrots then." " Lay off it!" "You stand-up comedians have a really mean sense of humour." " It looks damn good." " Yeah, it's great." "Thatched roof and fully renovated..." "I hope we can still work together, even if you move out of town." " Of course, Kurt." " I'm glad to hear that." "I need a bit of encouragement." "I've discovered a lump in my testicle." "In my left testicle." " I went to the doctor..." " Is this a joke?" "No, Frank." "I've got a lump in my testicle." " Do you think it's malignant?" " I have no idea, Kurt." "Look at me." "How do I look?" " You look fine." " Do you think so?" " You don't see any signs?" " No." "But I'm often the last to know." "You see?" "It could well be malignant." "I could be seriously ill, Frank." "But I'll sort out the deal." "Don't worry." " Maybe I should ask someone else." " Why?" " Well, if you're ill..." " You said I looked fine." " Yes, but you said it was..." " Do I seem weak?" "No, no, Kurt." "Go ahead." " I'll go over it." " Super, Kurt." "Thanks." "You're welcome." "He's scared, of course." "He's the best accountant in the world." " He shares everything with you." " He should only share numbers." "Just because you can't tolerate other men's balls." "I'd like to order some roses." " They're for Iben Hjejle." " When do you want them delivered?" " God, hi!" "You look good." " So do you." " How are you?" "This is Frank." " Hi." "I'm Charlotte." " What are you getting?" " Flowers for Frank's girlfriend." "It's her birthday." "Were those the ones you were looking at?" "I think it was." "I'll let Frank do his shopping..." " Can I borrow a pen?" " Here you are." " There you are." " Thanks." "See you later, then." "Bye, Frank." " Looks like it's in the bag, eh?" " When do you want them delivered?" "Oh, sorry." "Just forget it." "I'll just get this one." "That's it." "Right." "And here's a little something for your trouble." "I'm having second thoughts." "Can't you come with me if I go and bang her?" "You could sit in the car and send me a text message   when the coast is clear." "So I don't run into any paparazzis." "God, it's lovely." "Seeing it for the second time,   you're either disappointed, or you still love it." " I still love it." " Me, too." " Maybe he's not in." " Try the door." "He's not there." "Too bad." "Check out the herb garden again, Frank." "There's thyme and oregano." "I could sell it in the tea shop." "Careful now, darling." "Stop it!" "It's not clean, Frank." "This is crème de la crème." "God, it's good!" "Is it good?" "Yuck." "Maybe this should go in the tea." " What's this, honey?" " That thing?" "It's..." " Where's it from?" " Some animal, I think." " It's too big." "It's a human bone." " From a horse, maybe?" "No." "I think he killed his wife and buried her here." "Honey, stop..." "Hold it right there." "I'm not paying 5.5 million for a house that has a body in the garden." "We have to check it out, that's for sure." " Frank." "Sometimes you're..." " It goes right here." "Come on." "I don't like being here." "No one can hear you scream out here." "Right." "Let's go and disturb the village constable." "We're wasting a whole day on this nonsense." " It's not wasted if I'm right." " I think it is." "Well, I don't think it's a waste of time." " We'd like to talk to the constable." " That's me." "Come in." " What can I do for you?" " We were up at Leon Poulsen's house." "My girlfriend and I went round the house and found this bone." " Right..." " We're not quite sure." "What is it?" "Could it be a human bone?" "Why do you want it to be human?" "I thought it might be Leon Poulsen's wife." "She drowned, allegedly." "But the body was never found." "I was there when the accident happened." " When she drowned, you mean?" " Yes." " So you watched her drown." " That bone is completely irrelevant." " Are you convinced now, or..?" " Let's stop here." "The bone has nothing to do with it." "Good day." " Sorry for the interruption." " Thanks for taking the time." " Frank took the thigh that I wanted." " You should have been faster." "I guess so." "I'll have to take something else." " The food is delicious." " Thank you, Andreas." "It's the "Cousin Andreas Thigh", cooked especially for me." " Just make sure they sign." " I'll call the accountant tomorrow." " Doesn't he have that examination?" " Then the day after tomorrow." " He's going to be examined?" " Yes, for a lump in his testicle." " Can you do those examinations?" " Yes." " Could you check Frank, please?" " Yes." " We'll do it after dinner." " What?" "It's important to get it checked before you buy the house." "So you know if Frank has testicular cancer." " Frank's testicles will be checked." " Let's drink to that." "Right." "Mia, you can come in now." " How did it go?" " I'm fine, honey." " What about the smell?" " I didn't notice that." "Could you check it?" "He's got this weird, musky smell." "It's just old man's glands." "Could you check it, please?" "Thank you." "Take off your trousers again, Frank." "Come on." "Alright." "Come on in." " I noticed it as well." " There's nothing wrong with me." " What could it be?" " I'm not sure, but..." "I told Mia we were playing golf." "Is that a problem?" "No..." "I'll go in to Charlotte now and bang her." "In the meantime, go and get a tan in a solarium,   so you look as if you've been outside and not sat in a car." "Do that, yeah?" "Have a double session." " 15 minutes?" " No, 20." "Right." "Now I'm unrecognisable." "Casper?" "I can't see anybody." "It's really stupid yelling my name." "Everything's ruined now." "Erik?" "What?" "Go... no." "Wait for me, damn it!" " You told me to go." " What the hell are you doing?" " You told me to go." " Yes, with me in the car!" " Are we dropping it?" " Yes." "I saw three guys." " What now?" " Let's go and have a drink." " Won't she be waiting?" " What do you want me to do?" " You promised." " Don't press me, Frank." "Oh." "It's Hausgaard." "But he's alright." " Hi, Niels." "Long time, no see." " Hi, Casper." "Frank." " Are you chilling out?" " I stay here." "I've got a show on." " Can I buy you something?" " Sure, thanks." " A drink for these two." " Fernet Branca, please." "I thought you were busy." "We're celebrating that I haven't got testicular cancer." " That's right." "You haven't." " My girlfriend was very worried." "So she got her cousin to check me." "During dinner." " It wasn't the Bispebjerg trick?" " No..." "Don't you know that?" "Maybe it's mostly us guys from Jutland." "What you do is you go out to Bispebjerg Hospital   and tell them that you feel pain down there." " In your nuts?" " Yup." "And that you're nervous it might be something serious." "Then you get examined by a nurse." "Gently and thoroughly." "So you have a young nurse fondling your... what did you call them?" " Fondling your nuts?" " Yes." "To make sure you're alright." " It's most pleasurable." " Well, of course it is!" " You go even though you're fine?" " That's the trick, Frank!" "It's free if you bring your medical card." "Lars Lilholt has done it a lot." " He knows the trick?" " Yeah." "I think it was Johnny Madsen who came up with it." "Damn, that's crafty!" "On top of that, you get the added bonus of knowing you're okay." "Damn, that's clever!" "I want to do that, Frank." " I'll come." " But I've just been checked." "Don't you get the trick?" "Didn't you hear what Niels said?" " Yes." " It's free." "Come on." " Shouldn't I shower first?" " It can't be that bad." "Here we are." " You know the way?" " Yes." "It's over here." " Watch out, it's slippery." " You know the way in and out." " Have you got your medical cards?" " Yes." "Hi, Niels." "You're back?" "Go and sit down, please." " What now?" " No laughing." "That would be stupid." " We're in pain." " Of course." "Ouch, ouch..." " Casper Lindholm Christensen?" " That's me." " I'm Lily." "Follow me, please." " Thank you." " Niels Lorens Hausgaard?" " Yes, that's me." "See you." " Frank Hvam Nielsen?" " Yes." "Welcome." "My name's Camilla." "This way, please." "It's in here." "Sit down in the blue chair." " You're here because you're worried?" " Yes." "About testicular cancer." "I'm going to examine your testicles to see if they feel normal." " I check for abnormalities in size." " That would be nice." "If you come over here and pull down your trousers." " I'll start with the right one." " Yes." "It's fine." "And now the left one." " They feel completely normal." " Sorry." "I'm a bit ticklish." " Tell me if it's too hard." " No, it's fine." "Hi." "I'm here with the supplementary training course." "This is Frank." "He's been worried for a few months   about testicular cancer, so he came in for a check-up." "Would anyone like to check what normal testicles feel like?" " I'd like to." " Okay." "Come over here." "Yes." "They feel normal." "Could I have a go as well?" " I'd like to try as well." " There are gloves on the wall." "Please..." "Right." " Did you notice a musky smell?" " Yes, I did." " Good personal hygiene will cure it." " Yes." "I think you're right." " Well, thank you." " You can put your trousers back on." "Hi." "I met cousin Andreas, of all people." " Sit down, Frank." " It's just so unlucky." "They found something irregular on one of Niels' testicles." "Well..." " Is it cancer?" " Let's not jump to conclusions." "Could you take me back to the hotel, please?" " I've got a show." " Not tonight, surely?" "Yes." "My stuff is pretty low-key, you know." "Niels, I really admire everything you've done." " Let's just drive him back now." " He needs some encouragement." "He'll never get up on that bar stool again." "He's finished." " But it was a good trick." " Damn right it was." " Bloody hell..." " The nurses were really pretty." "Damn, that was good!" "And you can't get done for it." "Hey, it's Kurt." "Hi, Kurt." "Good news..." "The deal has been signed." "The house is yours." " Congratulations, Frank." " Super!" " Congratulations, honey." " It's fantastic." " And you?" "Everything alright?" " What?" "With your testicles, I mean." " My testicles?" " Yes, you were having a scan." "I'm fine." "I just thought it was a private matter." " It is." " Clearly not." " It's just that..." " I'm your accountant, remember." "I'm clear." "No lump." "The deal is done." "Bye." " Alright?" "Bye now." " You're perfectly right." " Congratulations." " Why did he get all sulky?" " You shouldn't have asked." " He's an accountant." " Your timing is rotten." " I just asked how he was." " Shut up." " We own a house!" " It's fantastic." " It's like an old, new house." " There's some bubbly on the terrace." " Sounds good, honey." " It's time to celebrate." " You suit that house so well." " We're really happy with it." " Shame you can't have children." "That's just so mean." "Congratulations on the fantastic house." "And here's to the boys not having testicular cancer." " Did you get checked, Casper?" " They went to Bispebjerg together." " Frank was checked by my cousin." " They both went to the hospital." " Did you go to Bispebjerg as well?" " It was Casper's idea." " But you'd already been checked." " I wanted a second opinion." "You must understand that the scrotum is a man's pride." "It's a manhood thing." "We take care of our own health   by getting our testicles checked regularly." " It's like breast check-ups." " We'll get it done every six months." " We'll sort it out." " Yes, we'll do it again." "Honey, I'm trying with some lotion now."