"OLord, we contemplate Thy peace" "Free from all the world's desires" "Free of fear and all anxiety" "Oooch, ooh" "Oooch, ooh" "Oooch, ooh" "Oooch, ooh" "Oooch, ooh" "Oooch, ooh" "Oooch, ooh" "Oooch, ooh" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Sing Alleluia" "We've made love 113 times." "I figured it out on my Bowmar calculator." "To know someone that well is wonderful." "Two lumps?" "No, one." "I don't know your favorite actors." "I can't remember the name of your favorite perfume." "That's funny." "It's "My Sin."" "In the last 24 years, I've always loved you." "Well, did we like it?" "Ben Walsh was wonderful." "It was funny." "It was a comedy, wasn't it?" "Clyde Banner's getting fat." "He should never turn profile." "Most of us shouldn't turn profile." "What were you thinking about?" "When?" "Yeach?" "You okay?" "Yeach." "How was the show?" " Trouble sleeping?" " No." "You're sure?" "Burning the midnight oil?" "Yeach." "Okay." "Have you thought about calling that doctor?" "No." "The month's up." "What about the plan?" "That was if I needed him." "Yeach, okay." "Don't worry about it." "Get some sleep." "I'll get those Michigan State tickets." "Okay." "Did you call the Warrens?" "They said they'll make it some evening soon." "Look at these people." "Everybody I grew up with... is in the paper these days." ""Joey Georgella, new football coach for Trinity."" "What about those Michigan State tickets?" "Jane's checking with John." "Where's Conrad?" "This will get cold." "Con!" "Drop my suits at the cleaners?" "They won't be back by Saturday." "That's okay." "Connie!" "Conrad!" "Be right there!" "Here he is." "Morning." "Good morning." "Did you sleep?" "Yeach." "Hungry?" "Uh..." "Hungry?" "It's French toast." "It's your favorite." "Yeach." "I'm not really hungry." "Breakfast, pal." "Remember?" "Main meal, energy." "So you're not hungry." "Hang on." "He'll eat." "Con, it's French toast." "There's fresh fruit later." "What are you doing?" "You can't save French toast." "I've got to run." "Will you call Mr. Herman about the shutters?" "You have to charm him." "Did you charm him?" "You have to eat, Con." "You must get stronger." "Dad, I'm not hungry." "Are you okay?" "Yeach." "I got to go." "Lazenby's picking me up." "Oh, is he?" "Great." "Why is it great?" "Well, I don't see the old gang much anymore." "I miss them." "Bring them around..." "Phil, Don, and Dick." "We'll play some touch football." "See you later." "Con!" "It's called flake." "Come on." "We're late." "Let's go!" "Jarrett, come on!" "We're late "cause Dickie's mom was packing his lunch." "I studied all night for this Poly Sci exam." "That guy wants a damn personal analysis of it all." "How can you understand that?" "You read it." "Yeach." "Right!" "We swim." "When can we study?" "I swim, and I study." "What you reading?" "Hardy." "You should try meditation." "That's just like thinking." "Have you got all junior classes this year?" "Didn't they pass you on anything?" "They don't pass you on breathing..." "Without taking the final." "Hey, quit with that radio." "I'm trying to study." "Hope it's a long train." "I'm going to flunk." "We're going to be late." "Does my hair look like shit?" "Yeach." "Thanks." "Hey, hey, hey!" "Hey, there's Pratt." "Let me out." "No dirty stuff." "Pratt, you have nice knees!" "Hey, interested in something, Jarrett?" "Hey, Cleary!" "Hey, Cleary!" "Let's discuss theory." "Conrad, what's your theory on Jude Fawley?" "Conrad, what's your theory on Jude Fawley?" "Conrad?" "What's your theory on Jude Fawley?" "Was he powerless in the grip of circumstances..." "Or could he have helped himself?" "I don't..." "Powerless?" "He thought he was." "He was a jerk." "He was hung up on morals." "It was senseless." "That's too easy, Joel." "Paul?" "I found the book hard to follow." "Come on!" "Hello." "Hello." "Dr. Berger?" "Yes?" "Hi." "This is Conrad Jarrett." "Who?" "Conrad Jarrett." "Dr. Crawford at Hillsboro Hospital gave me your number." "I'm with a patient now." "Can you call back at 2:15?" "I don't think I'll be free." "Give me your number." "I'll call you tonight." "Hello?" "Hello?" "I'll call you back." "Thanks." "Go!" "Come on." "Move it, you guys!" "Keep it going!" "Keep plugging!" "Use those legs!" "Lazenby, get with it!" "Jarrett, head down!" "Work it!" "Come on, now!" "Push off!" "Get your head down, Jarrett!" "Come on!" "Keep it going!" "Dig in there!" "Come on!" "Push off, Jarrett!" "Push off!" "Is he actually inclined to lose?" "Well, regionally." "It's too bad." "I mean..." "It's tragic, really." "Look at him now." "He's lost everything." "Fish too dry?" "It's not too dry." "CS has a new mechanic." "What happened to Harry?" "I think he moved to Skokie." "This new mechanic is so awkward." "Is that shirt ripped?" "Leave it on the table in the hallway." "Wasn't that girl in the hospital from Skokie?" "What was her name?" "Karen." "Will you play round robin at the club?" "I haven't played in a year." "Well, isn't it time to start?" "We're going to Clark Murray's birthday party Saturday." "I bought him that book on wine." "Not the Murrays." "Cut the rope, now, Bucky!" "We're going in!" "Give me your hand!" "Bucky!" "Bucky." "Bucky." "Hi." "How are you?" "Oh, I'm fine." "Couldn't be better." "Terrific." "Yeach." "Come in." "They all do that." "Jarrett." "Come in." "Sit down." "I just have to..." "Wire some... volume." "Sorry." "Sit down." "You have trouble finding the place?" "Not yet." "Uh, Jarrett." "How long since you've been out of the hospital?" "A month and a half." "Feeling depressed?" "No." "On stage?" "Pardon me?" "People nervous..." "Treating you like you're a dangerous character?" "Yeach, I guess a little." "Are you?" "I don't know." "How long were you in the hospital?" "Four months." "What did you do?" "I tried to off myself." "It doesn't say what your method was." "Double-edged Super Blue." "Is everybody glad to see you home?" "Yeach." "Friends?" "Yeach." "You're back in school." "Everything okay there?" "Teachers?" "Yeach." "No problems?" "Uh-uh." "So why are you here?" "Uh..." "I'd like to be more in control." "Why?" "So people can quit worrying about me." "Who's worried about you?" "My father, mostly." "This is his idea." "And your mother?" "Isn't she worried, too?" "I don't know." "Look, I'll be straight with you." "I don't like this already." "As long as you're straight." "Have you talked to Crawford?" "Yes." "He called me." "He told me to look for you." "He said you had a brother who died." "Boating accident, wasn't it?" "Want to tell me about it?" "You talked this over with Crawford, right?" "Right." "How did that go?" "It didn't change anything." "What needed changing?" "I'd like to be more in control." "Why?" "So people can quit worrying about me." "Well, I'll tell you something." "I'll be straight with you, okay?" "I'm not big on control." "But it's your money." "So to speak." "So to speak." "Okay." "Okay." "How's Tuesdays..." "And Fridays, same time?" "Twice a week?" "Well, control's a tough nut." "I've got swim practice every night." "Well, that's a problem." "How do we solve that?" "Guess I'll skip practice twice a week." "Well, it's up to you." "I don't like being here." "I don't like it at all." "I saw Mort Swain." "His sister died." "The one from Idaho?" "The one with the restaurant." "She died in Idaho?" "I guess so." "Why?" "You said she was always traveling." "I don't know." "Maybe in Idaho." "Maybe Kansas City." "I went to see Dr. Berger." "Berger?" "Yeach." "You didn't say anything." "Good!" "I went today." "I didn't know you made an appointment." "How was it?" "It's a lot of money." "It's okay." "It's $50 an hour, twice a week." "It's okay." "It is necessary." "What did you talk about?" "Not much." "What about your schedule?" "Well, it'll cut into swim practice." "Where's his office?" "Highland Park." "Head straight!" "I don't want to tell you again." "This is what I see." "I see you yawning and you coming late." "I don't see you having fun." "Are you getting enough sleep?" "Yeach." "Are you having fun?" "Fun?" "There's no point if you're not having fun." "Yeach, I guess so." "You guess so." "Are you on medication?" "Tranquilizers?" "Anything?" "No." "No, sir." "Did I ask you if they gave you shock?" "Yeach." "Yeach what?" "Yeach, you asked me." "Yeach, they did." "Don't look at us, Lazenby." "Get in the water!" "I'm no doctor, Jarrett." "I wouldn't let them put electricity in my head." "He drives me nuts!" "Everybody drives you nuts." "Don and Fenetch looked good." "They looked very good." "Is he giving you a hard time?" "Want a clarinet?" "Van Buren wants a clarinet." "Who's selling it?" "My brother." "He needs a motorcycle." "You stand behind me in the choir." "Oh, I do?" "Is that you?" "You have a lot of energy." "I do?" "I mean, that's good." "My name's Jeannine Pratt." "Nice." "Hi." "You're Conrad Jarrett." "Right." "Yeach." "Um, bye." "Bye-bye." ""You've got a lot of energy."" "Trick or treat!" "You're the scariest ghost I've ever seen!" "You look wonderful." "Thank you." "There you go." "Be careful." "Thank you." "Good-bye." "The Cabots." "Julie's first time." "She's so cute!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Know what I've been thinking?" "That Christmas in London..." "Would be like something out of Dickens." "We've never done that before." "Maybe we shouldn't plan to go away right now." "We talked about it." "We decided on that." "Yeach, I know that." "But the timing doesn't seem right." "We've always gone away at Christmas." "It'd be good for him, too." "Let's get back to normal." "He's just started with this doctor." "He'll miss three weeks." "Why interrupt it?" "Because I want to get away." "I think we should." "It's important." "Not if he doesn't go through with this now." "He might change his mind." "If he changes his mind..." "It wasn't right for him." "Does he want to go?" "He doesn't know what he wants." "Don't do that!" "I'm sorry." "I didn't think you were here." "I just got in." "No golf today." "Too cold." "How was golf?" "I didn't play." "It's colder today." "I mean, for the year, it's colder." "Weren't you swimming?" "Yeach." "Sorry I scared you." "How'd it go?" "Good." "I swam well." "Good." "I could swim the 50 if my..." "My timing got better." "I'm a little off." "You must work at that." "Yeach." "I got 74 on a Trig quiz." "I got 74 on a Trig quiz." "74?" "Gee, I was awful at Trig." "Oh, yeach?" "Did you..." "You took Trig?" "Wait a minute." "Did I take Trig?" "I bought you two shirts." "They're on your bed." "Who'll be there?" "Well, the Murrays, the Gunthers, and the Caines." "Let's go to the movies instead." "Don't be negative." "That's not negative." "That's unpredictable." "Let's go to the movies." "Okay." "Really?" "Okay, yeach." "Come on." "Let's go." "What's our excuse?" "Beth wanted to go to the movies." "Good." "Very good." "All right now, smile." "Remember, not too many martinis." "Will you put that with the others?" "Look." "We're in time." "Look who's here!" "Three blocks away and the last to arrive." "Come on in." "Happy birthday!" "You look wonderful." "Is that new?" "Yes, it is." "Do you like it?" "You did the mousse?" "It turned out well?" "Hey, partner." "How are you?" "Hi there." "Hi, Beth." "Good to see you." "Borrow the money." "I'll go public." "I wouldn't do it now because the market's low." "Your hair looks wonderful." "It's shorter." "You like it?" "I said, "Please put out your cigar."" "He says, "Huh?" "I don't have another one."" "Good to see you!" "You look beautiful, as ever." "In school..." "They think they've got to walk on the edge of danger." "What are these hushed tones?" "He told the funniest joke!" "I'm not talking to you." "Why?" "I have my fingers crossed on this merger." "Let's have lunch." "I don't know my schedule." "I'm free most days." "Bob McLean's leaving Coles and Johnson." "Where is he going?" "He doesn't know." "Jesus." "No, you didn't." "Isn't he the meanest man you've met?" "When a ball is in play," "If a player or caddy accidentally move it..." "Jolly good fellow" "For he's a jolly good fellow" "Won't regret, can't forget" "What we did" "For" "Love" "Hi, Annie." "What's your boy up to?" "Oh, who knows?" "How's Conrad doing?" "He's great." "Just great." "I asked Donald." "He says they haven't talked much." "I said maybe he's self-conscious." "No, no, no." "No, he's..." "There's a doctor in Highland Park..." "That he sees twice a week." "He's great." "Just great." "Is he still having some problems?" "No, nothing like that." "Just somebody to talk to..." "To polish off the rough edges." "How are you, darling?" "Is he falling asleep on you?" "Nach." "He's great." "Mr. Great, that's me" "Hey." "You drank too much." "I'm not drunk." "Why did you tell Annie about Conrad's psychiatrist?" "Why not?" "People don't hear that thing easily." "For most people, it's a status symbol." "Well, your blurting it out..." "Was a violation of privacy." "Whose privacy?" "The family's privacy!" "I think it is a very private matter." "I tell you my dreams?" "I don't believe in dreams." "What kind of a psychiatrist are you?" "What's happening?" "What's going on?" "I just feel..." "I feel so..." "What?" "Jumpy." "I don't know." "Look, kiddo..." "I lied." "I believe in dreams." "Sometimes I want to know what's happening when you're awake." "Something's making you nervous." "Maybe I need a tranquilizer." "Tranquilizer?" "What do you think?" "You look like something out of The Body Snatchers." "It's not my impression that you need a tranquilizer." "What is this?" "A clock." "You can tell the time, but I can't." "So you know when the hour's up?" "Right." "50, 55 minutes?" "Maybe I don't want to swim anymore." "My timing is for shit." "Two guys better than me swim the 50." "They're a bunch of boring jocks." "And him..." "I can't stand him." "Thought about quitting?" "You telling me to?" "Nope." "It wouldn't look good." "How does it feel?" "How does it feel?" "Yes." "How does it feel?" "It's the same damn thing I did last year." "Are you the same person now?" "That's why you need a tranquilizer?" "You're a doctor." "I'm supposed to feel better, right?" "Not necessarily." "Is it getting any easier with your friends?" "No." "It's still hard." "Is anyplace easy?" "The hospital was." "It was?" "Why?" "Because nobody hid anything there." "Was there anyone there you could talk to?" "I mean, beside Dr. Crawford?" "Whoa!" "Hi." "Karen!" "How are you?" "Good." "Sit down, please." "Thank you." "Wow." "When did you get back?" "The end of August." "Good." "It's great to see you." "Oh, you, too." "Listen, I've got a meeting over at the school." "Drama Club meeting." "We're doing A Thousand Clowns." "You know it?" "Anyway, we're going crazy getting it together." "Don't let me hang you up." "No." "I wanted to see you." "I didn't know what to expect." "You sounded funny on the phone." "It was just a gray day." "Everything's great." "I'm on the swim team." "Oh, you're swimming?" "Terrific, Conrad." "That's really wonderful." "I could be benched all year." "You'll do great." "I'll bet your folks are real proud of you." "Yeach." "What can I get you?" "Are you hungry?" "Just a coke." "Two cokes, please." "Did we offend him?" "Something I said?" "A low self-image day." "So, .." " Are you..." " What did..." "I can't believe how beautiful you look." "You really look beautiful." "So do you." "Do you miss it?" "Miss what?" "The hospital." "No." "Thank you." "You don't miss it?" "No." "You don't miss Leo's corny jokes?" "Are you seeing a doctor?" "Yeach, I'm seeing one." "Are you?" "Uh, Dr. Crawford gave me a name." "I went for a while." "It didn't work." "He told me the things I already knew." "Finally, I decided..." "The only one who can help me is myself." "At least, that's what my dad says." "If it's something you want to do," "That's what you should be doing." "I don't know how long I'll keep it up." "Your hair grew in." "Oh." "That was such a dumb thing to do." "I like it." "You do?" "Yeach." "I don't know." "I just..." "I miss it sometimes." "The hospital." "I really do." "Things have to change, you know?" "But that's where we laughed." "But that was a hospital." "This is the real world." "I guess you're right." "I really have to go." "I'm sorry." "I have a meeting at the school." "We're doing A Thousand Clowns." "You told me." "Did I?" "Yeach." "I better hurry." "Don't want to be late." "Thanks for seeing me." "Conrad?" "Let's have a great Christmas." "Okay?" "Let's have..." "A great year." "Let's have the best year of our lives." "This could be the best year ever." "Yeach." "Yeach." "Yeach." "Will you call me?" "Yeach." "You mean it?" "Yep." "You, .." "You look good, Conrad." "Yeach." "Bye." "Bye-bye." "Hey!" "Would you cheer up?" "It's cold." "You should put that on." "Do you want a sweater?" "Do I need one?" "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "Thinking." "About what?" "Not about anything." "Your hair is starting to grow out." "It's looking..." "Looking better." "I was thinking about the pigeon..." "That hung around the garage," "How it used to get on top of your car." "Oh, yeach, I remember." "I remember how scared I got..." "That wsssshhhhh!" "Flap, flap, flap..." "Every time I started the car." "That was the closest we came to having a pet." "Buck tried to talk you into getting a dog." "He said, "If it's the size of a football?"" "You know, that animal next door..." "That Pepper or Pippin..." "Pippin, Pippin, Pippin." "He's not friendly..." "Whatever Mr. McGreary says." "He wanted the retriever." "Each time that dog comes here, I try to get him out." "Arf!" "Arf!" "Arf!" "Put that on if you're staying out here." "Can I help?" "With this?" "No." "I will." "You can go to your room..." "And clean the closet." "Mom." "Okay?" "Because it's really a mess." "Hello." "Oh, hi." "I didn't get there." "How did it go?" "No, I'm not doing anything." "Just getting dinner ready." "Did she really?" "Mary Ann Ramon started just to scream, right?" "We got so drunk, we couldn't talk." "It was the last day of school." "We walked out of the building." "Oh, Bucky." "No, stop!" "What do you expect from her?" "We just don't connect." "Why not?" "We just don't." "What are you thinking?" "That I jack off a lot." "So what else is new?" "Does it help?" "For a minute." "What now?" "John-Boy." "Who?" "John-Boy on The Waltons." "Yeach." "What about him?" "After Buck died, Dad came to my room." "He didn't know what to say." "He put his arm around me." "We just sat there." "I remember watching his shoe, and thinking..." "His shoe was turned over on its side." "I was thinking, he's so uptight!" "It's gonna crack off." "I knew I should've felt something." "I didn't know what to feel." "On TV, they say stuff like, "Oh, no!"" "But I didn't say that..." "Because I didn't feel sad..." "So much as..." "So much as what?" "I kept thinking John-Boy would've said something..." "About how he felt." "What would he say?" "I don't know." "Come on." "Come on." "Come on what?" "Don't hold back." "Well, at least she's an improvement." "That's what you get..." "When your partner does the hiring." "That's my fault." "I can't tell anybody..." "That they're not making it." "Wait a minute." "That's not the problem." "Where are you?" "What?" "I've been losing you these days." "Oh, I'm sorry." "That's okay." "That's okay." "You off the track?" "Come on." "I've known you for 20 years." "Is something wrong?" "How's Connie?" "Connie's all right." "He is." "He's okay." "It's none of my business..." "But you worry too much." "You've been on the rack about him long enough." "I'm not on the rack about him." "In a year, he'll be gone." "Off to Michigan or wherever he wants to go." "Maybe he'll tour Europe." "Who knows?" "I can't argue with "Who knows."" "I'm giving you the benefit of my experience." "Thanks." "Valerie isn't just living away from home..." "She's gone." "Got her own friends, her own life." "She breezes in a few days on vacations." "I don't know." "Maybe girls are different." "Or maybe she was too aware..." "Of what was happening between Nance and me." "But they leave, and that worrying's just wasted energy." "Give me back my sweater!" "Hang on." "Dad, what's possession?" "Give it to me!" "It's already on me." "Whose sweater is it?" "It's my sweater!" "I'll give it back..." "If you give me my skis." "All right." "Conrad!" "Conrad!" "What?" "Watch your back." "Cuts are vertical." "He really meant business." "Let's go." "Lake Forest is next." "Lake Forest." "What do you want?" "I don't know what else to do." "I'm not asking for anything." "You're kidding me." "I don't get it." "You're excused from practice..." "To see some shrink;" "I work with you at your convenience." "What more should I do?" "Nothing." "A bright kid like you." "I don't get it." "Why keep messing up your life?" "I don't think that quitting swimming..." "Will mess up my life." "Okay." "Okay." "Now, this is it." "Yeach." "You're a big kid." "Actions have consequences." "I'm not taking you back." "I won't ask you to." "What happened?" "You all right?" "Yeach." "You quit the swim team." "Yeach." "Why?" "It was a bore." "That's no reason!" "What's going on?" "Nothing." "Talk to me." "Swimming's a bore, that's all." "I talked to..." "Quit talking to people!" "Okay?" "Holy shit." "Yeach, sure." "Fuck you, Jarrett." "Ooch!" "Ohh!" "Shut up." "Leave it alone." "I told you, the guy's a flake." " What did your dad say?" " I haven't told him." "How come?" "The timing isn't right." "He sweats everything." "He'll just get worried." "Can you tell your mother?" "My mother?" "I told you we don't connect." "What do people have in common with mothers anyway?" "It's all surface junk." "You know?" ""Clean your room, brush your teeth..." "Get good grades."" "I'm not feeling anything today." "I'm sorry." "No." "Sorry's out." "Something's on your mind." "What time is it?" "Never mind." "There's time." "Remember the contract?" "Control?" "Maybe there's some connection..." "Between control and lack of feeling." "I said I feel things." "When?" "Come on." "When?" "Sometimes." "I don't know." "I thought you didn't like fooling around." "What do you want?" "Don't say, "I don't know."" "Should I make up answers?" "Make one up about there's no feelings there." "I have feelings." "Get it together, Jarrett." "You're trying to make me mad." "Are you mad?" "No!" "You don't like being pushed." "Do something about it!" "What?" "No." "I can't do this." "Why not?" "Getting mad takes too much energy." "It takes more holding it back." "When I let myself feel, I feel lousy." "I never promised you a rose garden" "Fuck you, Berger." "Fuck you." "Yeach?" "That's it." "What do you feel?" "Do you jack off?" "What do you think?" "You married a fat lady..." "And you fuck the daylights out of her!" "Sounds good to me." "Little advice about feeling..." "Don't expect it always to tickle." "Do you know how to aim that?" "Be quiet, I have to concentrate." "Be quiet." "Is it in focus?" "Smile, smile." "Okay." "Good." "I want to take the three young ones." "Dad, get out of there." "All right." "Connie." "Be quiet." "Conrad, where are you?" "Between your mother and father." "You're taller than your mother is!" "Will you be quiet?" "This is beautiful." "Shut up." "Wonderful." "Now Cal and Beth." "Sure." "Go on." "You can do better than that." "I want one of Connie and Beth." "Let's get the three men in there." "Move closer to your mother." "Prize winner." "Yeach, that's great." "Do it." "Isn't it marvelous?" "Yes, it is." "It isn't cocked." "Calvin." "Hold it." "Connie, smile." "Calvin!" "Smile." "Give me the camera." "Give me the camera." "I want a really good picture." "I want a shot of you three men." "Not until I get you two." "Give her the goddamn camera!" "Smile." "Who's hungry?" "I'll make the sandwiches." "Beth!" "It can be saved." "That was so dumb." "I don't think he's happy in school." "Have you talked to his teachers?" "People don't want to be with him." "He provokes people." "Well, it's an awkward age." "Thank you." "Maybe he needs a change." "Is he eating enough?" "Yes, Mother." "He'll be all right." "If you're firm with him." "I think he should go away to school." "I can't deal with him." "Who'd make that decision?" "I suppose this doctor he's seeing." "What sort of doctor..." "Would make that decision for you?" "A psychiatrist." "I thought that was finished." "No." "What's his name?" "Berger." "Jewish doctor?" "I suppose he's Jewish." "Maybe just German." "What does Cal say about all this?" "This can be saved." "It's a nice clean break." "Amen, amen, alleluia" "Amen" "Amen" "Okay." "That last "Enatural could be higher." "Officers, don't forget your meeting tonight." "Mmm mm mm" "Mmm mm mm" "Mmm mm" "Mmm mm mm" "You're really a terrific tenor." "In fact, you should be doing the solo." "No, I..." "No, I'm serious." "You sing well." "I'm getting to know your voice." "How can you hear me if you're singing?" "Well..." "I don't always sing." "Sometimes I just listen." "For instance, Marcia Blair can't sing a note." "Janet Fox mouths the words and never sings." "A detective." "Do you like Vivaldi?" "Telemann?" "Telemann?" "Um..." "What kind of music do you like?" "Oh, .." "Modern jazz, I like." "Folk rock, spoon on a glass." "Spoon on a glass?" "Oh, you mean, like, table spoons?" "Oh, dear." "Why do I ask dumb questions?" "I'm just showing off." "Why is it so hard..." "The first time you talk to somebody?" "You make it look easy." "Really?" "That's my bus." "I got to go." "I'll see you later!" "You're really a terrific tenor." "Ah, you're just saying that" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha alleluia" "Alleluia, alleluia" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Alleluia" "Hello." "Is Karen there?" "Who's calling?" "A friend of hers from Hillsboro." "She's not home from school yet." "Oh, um..." "Hmm." "Tell her I called." "This is Conrad." "Tell her I'm feeling great..." "And I wanted to talk to her." "Yes, I will." "Thank you." "Hello, Jeannine." "This is Conrad." "Hello, Jeannine." "This is Conrad." "Hello, Jeannine." "This is Conrad." "Conrad." "Conrad?" "What a dumb name." "Hello, Jeannine." "This is Bill." "Uuugh!" "Hello." "Hello." "This is..." "Hello." "This is Conrad calling." "Jarrett." "Oh, hi!" "Listen, I was..." "I was wondering if maybe you'd like..." "To go out sometime." "Like on a date?" "We wouldn't have to call it a date." "We could see how it goes." "That was dumb." "Now start over." "This is Conrad Jarrett." "I'd love to." "When?" "I didn't see you." "What do you think?" "Fine." "Rawlins used to have great scotch pines." "They look like skeletons this year." "Hi." "What do you think?" "It's very nice." "What is wrong?" "Ask him what's wrong." "Maybe you won't have to hear it from Carol Lazenby." "Hear what?" "I quit the swim team." "Carol thought I knew." "It happened over a month ago." "Quit?" "When?" "Where have you been every night?" "Nowhere." "The library mostly." "I didn't think it mattered." "That was meant for me." "It's important to hurt me, right?" "You have that backwards." "Do I embarrass you in front of friends?" ""Poor Beth believes every lie her son tells."" "I didn't lie." "You did when you came home at 6:30!" "If the lying's starting again, I can't stand it!" "Then go to Europe!" "She only gives a fuck because someone else knew about it first!" "She never came to the hospital..." "Because she's busy going to goddamn Spain and Portugal!" "She doesn't care if I'm hung up by the balls out there." "They may talk like this at the hospital..." "But we're not at the hospital." "You never came to the hospital!" "She had the flu and couldn't come inside." "She would've visited Buck in the hospital!" "Buck never would've been in the hospital!" "That is enough!" "I won't do it again." "What in hell has happened?" "Somebody better go up there." "He walks all over us..." "Then you apologize to him." "You've been apologizing to him..." "Since he returned from the hospital!" "I'm trying to goddamn understand him!" "Don't talk to me..." "The way he talks to you." "Let's not fight, okay?" "No fighting, okay?" "Please." "Let's go upstairs." "I want to talk to you." "I didn't mean any of it." "Please don't be mad." "I'm trying to understand what happened." "I don't know what happened." "I didn't mean it." "Tell her I'm sorry, will you?" "Why don't you?" "God, I can't!" "I can't talk to her!" "Why not?" "It doesn't change anything." "It doesn't change the way she looks at me." "She was hurt because you quit the team." "I don't mean just now." "I don't mean just today." "Explain it to me." "I can't." "You don't see things." "What things?" "What things?" "I want you to tell me." "Can't you see she hates me?" "She doesn't hate you." "You're right." "She doesn't." "Please leave me alone." "Do you think Dr. Berger's helping you?" "It's not his fault." "I'll be downstairs if you need me." "Tuesday everything was hunky-dory." "You're the doctor." "Don't take refuge in one-liners, okay?" "Because that pisses me off." "Okay." "Okay." "Everything was fine..." "Till you had the fight with your mother?" "I don't blame her." "She's got her reasons." "It's impossible..." "After all the shit I've pulled." "What shit have you pulled?" "I'm talking about proportion." "Now, what shit?" "You can find one example." "Don't say you tried suicide." "What have you done lately?" "I'll never be forgiven for that." "Never." "You can't get out the blood in her towels..." "And in her rug." "Everything had to be pitched." "The bathroom tile had to be regrouted." "She fired the maid..." "Because she couldn't dust right." "If you think I'll forgive..." "She's gonna forgive me..." "What?" "I think I just figured something out." "What?" "Who it is who can't forgive who." "A real problem has a real solution." "I've heard this before." "Doesn't make it any less true." "I'm so tired." "That's some secret you've been keeping." "So what do I do now?" "Recognize her limitations." "Like she can't love me." "No." "Like she can't love you enough." "Don't blame her for not loving you..." "More than she's able." "She loves my father." "She loved my brother." "It's me." "We're back to the rotten kid routine." "She can't love you because you're unlovable." "How come your Dad loves you?" "He feels responsible." "Besides, he loves everybody." "The guy's got no taste." "He loves you, but he's wrong." "Look..." "Maybe she can't express it..." "The way you'd like." "Maybe she's afraid to show her feelings." "What do you mean?" "There's someone besides your mother..." "You've got to forgive." "You mean me?" "For trying to off myself?" "Don't stare." "What for?" "Why don't you let yourself off the hook?" "What did I do?" "What did I do?" "We'll talk Thursday." "Come on!" "Time's up." "What did I do?" "You know the rules." "What rules?" "Think about it." "Just think about it." "Jesus!" "Say, after going to a new high..." "It falls to 1121/4..." "And then rallies on good volume." "I order to buy 4,000." "If I get the 4,000 at 1133/4, I know something's wrong." "But suppose I order to buy the 4,000 shares..." "And I plug in at 1133/4..." "I get 2,000 at 114," "And the rest on the way up." "Then I know I'm right." "I'm going to peel off here." "See you later." "Suppose the order to buy..." "You let him walk all over us... and you apologize." "500 at 114..." "Dad, you don't see things." "You've been apologizing... since he returned from the hospital." "Tell her to stop it!" "Buck never would've been in the hospital!" "She hates me!" "I want to be clear." "That's good." "In the car, I was thinking, "be clear."" "I suppose that's what psychiatry's about." "Being precise and clear." "And honest, of course." "I'm not a great believer in psychiatry." "Okay." "What happens here is between you and him..." "And I respect that." "He's better." "I can see that." "I just don't believe in psychiatry..." "As a panacea for everybody." "Neither do I." "I wish I knew what I was doing here." "You said you could shed some light on some things." "I meant in terms of Conrad." "I knew something was wrong..." "Even before he tried suicide." "But I thought that..." "It's clear that he's very smart." "He's always been an "Astudent." "Naturally, I thought intelligent people..." "Could work out their problems." "But you still feel responsible?" "Yeach, sure I do." "It's hard not to." "It was just luck that I happened to be there..." "When he tried it." "We both could've been away." "You think of yourself as a lucky man?" "No." "No, no." "I used to think that I was a lucky person..." "Before the accident." "I guess the whole of life..." "Is nothing but an accident..." "What happens to you." "That sounds like the philosophy of a drifter." "Yeach." "Maybe." "Maybe I am drifting a little." "I can see the two of them..." "Drifting away from me..." "And I just stand watching." "What would you want to do about that?" "Something." "I don't know what." "I feel like I'm sitting on a fence." "They're on opposite sides of this fence?" "Yeach..." "No." "I don't know." "I see her not being able to forgive him." "For what?" "I don't know exactly." "Being too much like her." "People always think that she and Buck are..." "Were alike." "But it's really she and Conrad." "They were the only two..." "That didn't cry at the funeral." "It's not easy for me to admit this..." "But, um..." "She didn't..." "His mother doesn't show him much affection." "I'm not trying to put her down." "Did she give Buck much affection?" "God, yes." "She loved Buck." "Bucky got so much." "What she felt for him was special." "He was her first-born." "And you?" "I loved Buck." "I mean your wife's affection." "For me?" "Yes." "She's very..." "No, there's no problem with her for me." "We've been married nearly 21 years." "Everybody loves Beth." "For Conrad, it's been difficult." "He didn't talk about that?" "We don't know what happens here." "It doesn't come up." "I guess that's what it is." "It's private here, isn't it?" "Mm-hmm." "Very private." "I think I know why I came here." "I think I came here to talk about myself." "Okay." "Why don't we?" "Hi." "Hi." "Calvin?" "What's the matter?" "This will sound strange." "What I'm going to say will sound strange." "What happened?" "Come inside." "Could we talk about Buck's funeral?" "What?" "It'll seem trivial, but it's on my mind." "I'd like to talk about it." "When I was getting dressed for Buck's funeral..." "What could getting dressed for Buck's funeral..." "Have to do with anything?" "I was wearing a blue shirt." "You said, "Wear a white shirt and other shoes."" "It was nothing, but it seemed to stay with me." "What difference did it make..." "What I wore to Buck's funeral?" "Hear me out, Beth!" "No one would listen to that." "I just want to talk about it." "Why do you want to remind me?" "Because I've wondered what it mattered what I wore." "I was crazy that day." "We were going to our son's funeral." "You were worried about what I wore on my feet." "It sticks with me..." "And I wanted to tell you about it." "It's all right." "Beth!" "How are you?" "Fine." "How are you?" "I haven't seen you." "I'll call you." "How's Brad?" "Fabulous!" "Is everything okay?" "Isn't this madness?" "It gets worse every year." "Good-bye." "May I show you this in your size?" "What?" "May I show you this?" "Oh, no." "No, thanks." "Bennetts, Grants, and Foleys." "Conrad should get something for my parents." "He's not getting something for his doctor, is he?" "We should go see Dr. Berger." "What?" "We could all go see him." "Why?" "He thinks it's a good idea." "What's he know about me?" "I've never even met him." "Wouldn't it be easier if we all talked about it?" "What will we talk about?" "Don't try to change me." "Hasn't enough happened?" "Let's hold on to what we've got." "That's what this is for." "Maybe you'll be surprised." "I don't want surprises." "I know I'm not perfect." "If I can't hug everybody like you, I'm sorry." "You're missing the point." "I don't want to see counselors." "This is my family." "We will solve our problems... in the privacy of our own home..." "Not by running to some..." "Ready to order?" "Could you give me a few minutes?" "Running to experts every time something goes wrong." "I know you mean well." "I want this to be a nice Christmas." "I want them all to be nice." "You and I need time together." "We must get away." "New Years', we'll spend time in Houston..." "With my brother." "Play some golf, relax." "I've talked to Mother." "Conrad can stay with them." "Please don't worry about it." "Please, for his sake, don't indulge him." "We need time together." "Okay?" "Okay." "Okay." "I love you." "I love you, too." "Let's just give things time, okay?" "Okay." "Conrad." "I don't bowl." "I'm a horrible bowler." "That's all right." "Yeach." "Well..." "I got it." "The thing is, I'm a funny bowler." "Listen, we don't have to go bowling." "I'm not a bowling nut." "How funny are you?" "On a scale from 1 to 10..." "About a 10." "That's pretty funny." "I promise you won't look silly." "Guarantee it?" "Guarantee it." "Can you break the ball?" "Can't break anything in a bowling alley." "That's what I like about bowling alleys." "Can't even break the record." "Anyway..." "Hmm?" "What?" "It's a conversation starter." "Catchy." "You like it?" "I've been working on it all day." "Are people punished for things they do?" "By God?" "Yeach." "I don't believe in God." "Not at all?" "Either you do or don't." "I believe in God." "You afraid he'll punish you for something?" "I've done many things I'm ashamed of." "Yeach?" "So have I." "Did it hurt?" "I don't remember really." "You don't want to talk about it?" "I've never really talked about it." "To doctors, but not to anyone else." "You're the first who's asked." "Why did you do it?" "Uh..." "I don't know." "It was like..." "Falling into a hole." "It was like falling into a hole." "It keeps getting bigger..." "And you can't escape." "All of a sudden, it's inside..." "And you're the hole." "You're trapped, and it's all over." "Something like that." "It's not really scary..." "Except when you think back on it." "'Cause you know what you were feeling..." "Like McDonald's can" "Nobody can do it" "Like McDonald's can" "You deserve a break today" "So get up and get away" "Hey, Jarrett." "How you doing?" "How about some fries?" "What are you doing?" "Hey, lighten up." "Hey, I don't like your attitude." "Energetic, those guys." "They were pretty funny." "No." "You thought they were." "No, I..." "I'm sorry." "What for?" "Anyway..." "Do you want to talk?" "About what?" "Are you okay?" "Yeach." "Yeach, I'm fine." "I'll give you a call." "Will you?" "I want you to." "Sure." "Well..." "I'll see you in choir." "Okay." "Yeach." "Thanks." "Okay." "I mean, good night." "Good night." "Seven." "In preparation for our landing in Houston, observe the fasten seat belt sign, and no smoking until well inside the terminal." "Watch this." "Pessimistic golfer." "Pessimistic golfer." "Oh, damn!" "Are we two up?" "Two." "Let's hustle up." "It is flat here." "But we decided to teach you to love it." "He wants everybody to move here." "It's good to see you." " You look tired, Cal." " Airplane scotch." "Why am I still hungry?" "'Cause you're in Texas." "We'll get you home." "Get some steaks on." "A baked potato, too?" "How long has he had that drawl?" "Since joining the club." "It sure wasn't funny." "We weren't that bad." "I can't listen to that Buck Jarrett lecture again." "He bugs me when he does that." "Will he ever stop kissing his picture?" "Stillman, shut up." "Connie, want a ride?" "Oh, no, thanks." "We could've used you today." "I don't think so." "Nobody could've helped us." "I hear you got eyes for Pratt." "Made it with her yet?" "Don't be a prick." "You're the prick." "You give me a goddamn pain in the ass." "Connie, come on!" "Come on!" "Connie!" "Connie, that's enough." "No!" "No!" "Let go!" "Let go!" "It's all right!" "Just calm down." "You're crazy!" "You know that?" "Send him back where he came from!" "It's over." "It's over." "All right!" "Shit!" "Here's your hat." "You want to talk?" "The guy's a nothing." "He's a zero upstairs." "Since fourth grade, you've known that." "So you look stupid..." "When you let him get to you!" "So I look stupid?" "What's with you?" "Why do you want to be in this alone?" "You know, I miss him, too." "The three of us were best friends." "It hurts too much to be around you." "I got to go." "Yeach, okay." "Hello." "Hello." "Is Karen there?" "She..." "Bill." "Hello." "Is Karen there?" "This is Conrad Jarrett." "I'm a friend of hers." "Karen's dead." "What?" "What?" "She killed herself." "Let's have the best Christmas ever." "We can, you know." "We could have the best year... of our whole lives." "Get the sail down!" "Keep it starboard!" "Get the sail down!" "Starboard!" "Keep trying!" "I can't!" "Let it out!" "Let it out!" "Just keep it starboard!" "I can't!" "Bucky!" "Give me your hand!" "We screwed up, buddy!" "Dad's gonna haul ass over this!" "It ain't so goddamned funny!" "Don't let go!" "I won't, Buck!" "Everything will be okay!" "Hang on, brother!" "Don't let go!" "Stay with me!" "Stay with me!" "Stay with me!" "Oh, God!" "Bucky!" "Buck!" "Buck!" "Hello." "This is Conrad." "What's going on?" "I need to see you." "Where are you?" "I don't know." "All right." "Get to the office." "I'll meet you there." "Okay." "Good." "You're here." "Something happened." "Just a minute." "Wait till we get inside." "There." "Shit." "You'd think they'd assume there'd be emergencies." "Don't take it off." "Just sit down." "Something happened." "What?" "It's..." "It's what?" "Oh, God!" "I need something." "What?" "It keeps coming." "I can't stop it!" "Don't try." "Got to get off the hook." "For what?" "What I did to him!" "What?" "It must be somebody's fault..." "Or there's no point!" "What point?" "It happened!" "Oh, no." "I don't mean that." "It's just that..." "Bucky, I didn't mean it." "Bucky, I didn't mean it." "Bucky!" "It wasn't your fault." "You said, "Get the sail down!"" "I couldn't!" "It jammed!" "And then the halyard jammed!" "Because the goddamned halyard jammed!" "Then you're sittinhere screwing around!" "Until it's too late!" "And I'm supposed to take care of it!" "That wasn't fair." "No!" "And then you say, "Hang on!"" ""Hang on!"" "Then you let go!" "Why'd you let go?" "I got tired!" "Yeach?" "Well, screw you, you jerk!" "It hurts to be mad at him." "Yeach." "He just wasn't careful." "He didn't see how a bad thing might happen." "Bad things happen even when people are careful." "We should've come in..." "When it started to look bad." "So you made a mistake." "Why did he let go?" "Why?" "Maybe you were stronger." "Did that ever occur to you?" "How long will you punish yourself?" "When will you quit?" "I'd like to." "Why don't you?" "It's not that easy." "God..." "I loved him." "I know." "What happened?" "What started all this?" "Karen." "She killed herself." "I just found out she's dead." "Jesus." "She was fine." "No." "She wasn't." "She told me!" "She said she was..." "What?" "She was busy and feeling good and..." "What?" "What?" "If I'd known..." "I could've done something." "You're taking her on, too?" "No!" "No?" "No, I just..." "What?" "That isn't it." "I feel really bad about this." "Just let me feel bad about this!" "Okay." "Listen, I feel bad about it, too." "Why do things happen to people?" "It isn't fair." "You're right." "It isn't fair." "You just do one wrong thing..." "And..." "Um-hmm." "And what was the one wrong thing you did?" "You know." "You know." "I hung on." "I stayed with the boat." "Exactly." "Now, you can live with that, can't you?" "I'm scared!" "I'm scared." "Feelings are scary." "And sometimes they're painful." "If you can't feel pain..." "You won't feel anything else." "You know what I'm saying?" "I think so." "You're here." "You're alive." "Don't say you don't feel that." "It doesn't feel good." "It is good." "Believe me." "How do you know?" "Because I'm your friend." "I don't know what I would've done... if you hadn't been here." "You're really my friend?" "I am." "Count on it." "Hi." "I would've called..." "But I didn't want to wake anyone." "About the other night..." "I liked being with you." "I didn't like myself." "Conrad, I was stupid." "That was dumb of me to laugh." "It was my fault." "I was embarrassed." "Really?" "You were embarrassed?" "When those boys came in..." "It was awful and awkward." "When I'm embarrassed, I laugh." "They were just having a good time." "I let them interfere with what was happening." "It was dumb." "I've done lots of dumb things lately." "I just didn't know if you were being straight with me." "Yeach?" "Anyway, I'd like to try it again." "It worked okay..." "Except for the bowling." "Yes." "Yes?" "Yes." "Are you going to school?" "No, not on Sunday." "Have you eaten?" "No, I haven't." "Do you want some breakfast?" "Okay." "Mom!" "All right." "How about that?" "Boy, och, boy." "I do love that." "These holes sure do love you." "We should spend more time playing golf together." "Maybe our next vacation..." "Strictly golf." "Pinehurst, Myrtle Beach." "Pinehurst would be nice." "I think Connie would like Pinehurst." "Is that deliberate or just a reflex?" "I assumed you meant him, too." "I'm surprised you haven't called him." "I'll call him tonight." "Can we have a little drink?" "Drink, yes." "Little, no." "Let's finish this." "What?" "What you started." "Me?" "There's no point." "He controls you." "He isn't the problem." "Isn't he?" "No." "Let's talk about what's bothering you." "No." "Let's discuss what's bothering you." "How did I make you so angry with me?" "You blame me for everything." "Can't you see beyond yourself?" "No, I can't!" "Neither can you or anybody else!" "I'm just honest." "Stop being honest..." "And start being generous!" "Think about him!" "What does he expect from me?" "He wants a hug when he passes exams?" "I can't respond when someone says..." ""I did something great." "Love me."" "He wants to know you don't hate him." "Mothers don't hate their sons." "Is that what he told you?" "You accept what he says with no questions." "I'm trying to keep this family..." "What does everyone want from me?" "Listen, we all just want you to be happy." "Happy?" "Yes." "You tell me the definition of happy." "First, be sure your kids are safe..." "That nobody's been hit by a car..." "Or drowned in your swimming pool!" "Then tell me how to be happy!" "I'm turning in." "Dinner was good." "Really good." "It's early." "You tired?" "It was a rough week." "Your grandmother wasn't too tough on you?" "No." "She was fine." "I'm glad you're back." "Good night." "Calvin?" "Why are you crying?" "Can I, .." "Can I get you something?" "I don't..." "What did you say?" "Calvin, what did you say?" "Tell me." "You are beautiful." "And you are unpredictable." "But you're so cautious." "You're determined, Beth..." "But you know something?" "You're not strong." "I don't know if you're really giving." "Tell me something." "Do you love me?" "Do you really love me?" "I feel the way I've always felt about you." "We would've been all right..." "If there hadn't been any mess." "But you can't handle mess." "You need everything neat and easy." "I don't know." "Maybe you can't love anybody." "It was so much Buck." "It's as if you buried all your love with him." "I don't understand that." "Maybe it wasn't even Buck." "Maybe it was just you." "Maybe, finally, it was the best of you that you buried." "But whatever it was..." "I don't know who you are." "I don't know what we've been playing at." "So I was crying." "Because I don't know if I love you anymore." "And I don't know what I'll do without that." "Dad?" "The yard looks smaller without leaves." "Dad, what happened?" "Your mother's going away for a while." "Where?" "Why?" "Back to Houston." "I don't know." "Why?" "What..." "I know why." "It's me, isn't it?" "No." "It's my fault." "Don't do that to yourself!" "It's nobody's fault!" "Things happen." "People don't always have answers." "I don't know why I'm yelling at you." "You should do that more often." "Haul my ass a little." "Get after me." "Like you did for him." "Like you did for him." "He needed it." "You didn't." "You were always so hard on yourself," "I never had the heart." "Oh, Dad, don't." "Well, it's the truth." "I never worried about you." "I just wasn't listening." "I wasn't sending many signals then." "You couldn't do anything." "I should've got a handle on it somehow." "I used to figure you had a handle for everything." "You knew it all." "You always made us feel everything would be all right." "I've thought about that a lot lately." "I really admire you for it." "Don't admire people too much." "They'll disappoint you sometimes." "I'm not disappointed." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you, too."