"Shoot!" "No!" "I didn't mean shoot." "I mean, like, shoot." "I gave him my gun." "Excuse me, miss." "Is this man bothering you?" "Who are you?" "Super Nerd?" "Ed." "Ed Gruberman." "Gruber-Man?" "What are you going to do?" "Gruberize me?" "Don't worry, Gruber-Man." "I can take care of this." "What do we have here?" "You can call me Red." "No kidding." "Uh, the mugger's right." "We can definitely come up with a better name for you." "Quiet!" "Don't you see that I'm working here?" "Aah!" "One, two, three, four..." "Wow." "Hey!" "Who did this to you?" "Huh?" "Speak up." "Who are we suing?" "Gruber-Man, superhero." "Bingo." "Oh, bingo!" "Another case of superhero abuse." "Oh-ho!" "You're going to be rich." "But I'm going to be richer." "Ha-ha!" "So how you doing?" "You feeling all right?" "You're all right." "Uh-huh." "I wonder how much that window's going to cost, though." "Because you are going to pay for that, jackass." " Huh?" " Huh?" "You've got some nerve." "Gee, thanks." "You know, you're not so bad yourself, Red." "Or should I call you My Lady in Red?" "I told you I could've handled it." "How dare you interfere in my affairs!" "I have half a mind to burn you to a crisp." "On the other hand, you are kind of cute." "Cops!" "I was never here." "Oh, I..." "Gruberman." "Wow." "You guys got here fast." "We saw it all on YouTube." "Our boys will take you down to the Great Superheroes Hall of Justice on charges of using your superpowers to assault an innocent citizen." ""Innocent citizen"?" "Whoa, I don't think so, guys." "Ask her..." "Ask who?" "Sh-She was right here." "Yeah." "She had red beams that shot out of her eyes." "No, seriously!" "Red!" "Tell it to the judge." "Come on." "Red!" "Officer!" "Red!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "So there I was, about to knock a guy into the outfield... my finest moment... only to be hauled off to jail for it." "Later, I realized that this was the pivotal moment of my life." "But for you to understand, maybe I should show you how I got here." "Up until then, I had spent my life employed as a wannabe superhero..." "Oh!" "...posing for pictures and showing up to movie premieres, and, uh, delivering singing telegrams." "¶¶" "¶ I'm your superhero to save the day ¶" "¶ Ta-da ¶" "As you've probably noticed by now," "I'm not your typical superhero." "But for some reason... call it destiny or divine intervention..." "I chose not to take off my costume that fateful evening." "Mr. Gruberman, after reviewing your case," "I find you undoubtedly guilty of viciously assaulting the plaintiff with a two-by-four." "You have brought dishonor to all superheroes." "May it please the court..." "Your Honor, this case makes me ashamed to be an American." "I mean, what has this country become when a good, hard-working citizen like my client, trying to make an honest living, only to be brutally attacked in the middle of the night by this supposed, uh," "cape-wearing... superhero?" "Is it not bad enough that we have to watch sequel after sequel of their horrible movies?" "I mean, imagine my client having to go to his three..." "I mean five..." "I mean seven seven children and having to explain his poor facial disfigurement..." "Uh, Your when he was an ugly man to begin with." "He was mugging Red!" "Objection!" "He was not, Your Honor." "That is a comic book fantasy of his." "I mean, no one even names themselves Red." "Sustained." "Sustained?" "Sustained!" "All we have to go on is this video that doesn't show this Red person at the scene." "Bailiff, knock it off!" "God!" "It's the plaintiff's word against yours." "Mm-hmm." "Now, do you have anything to say in your defense?" "Anything at all?" "Hi." "Yes, I do, Your Honor." "I had a very unusual childhood." "My parents were Mort and Peggy Gruberman, tightrope artists for a traveling circus." "I was actually born during one of their shows." "Mom and Dad tried to instill two strong values:" "One was to always go to church no matter where I was." "The other was to make sure that we never missed an episode of our hero, the Dark Winged Vesper." "He was on orphaned hero among heroes." "No superpowers, just a normal human being..." "Help me!" "...fighting for the good of mankind." "Is there not a heroic gentleman who's willing to save a poor girl..." "Like the Dark Winged Vesper," "I, too, lost my parents in a mysterious accident." "They were performing a routine stunt, one they had done hundreds of times before." "My mom did a somersault in the air, and my dad caught her while holding on to the tightrope with only his toes." "But this time someone wearing a dark spandex suit swung in on a rope from the top of the tent pole and cut the tightrope." "They tumbled down, bounced up high off the safety net and ripped a hole through the roof of the tent." "Fortunately, they landed safely in the street, and actually would have been fine, except as they were brushing themselves off, a short yellow bus accidentally backed over them." "Oh!" "Aw, crap!" "Oh!" "Ugh!" "They never found the man in the dark spandex suit." "But from that day forward," "I made a vow that I would be like the Dark Winged Vesper and avenge my mom and dad's death." "You are a fan of the Dark Winged Vesper?" "Oh, yes!" "And today on my way home," "I saw a man aiming a gun at an innocent woman, and I said to myself," ""What would the Dark Winged Vesper do?"" "So I hit that man in the face with a two-by-four." "Mr. Gruber-Man, if you were not a superhero, I would throw the book at you." "But... you are a superhero, aren't you?" "Me?" "Uh, uh, yes." "Yes, I am." "And what are your powers?" "Well, you know, my powers are in development, and, um, you know..." "Mm-hmm." "Well, Gruber-Man, in view of the tragic story of your childhood and your devotion to the Dark Winged Vesper," "I'm going to have to sentence you to pay damages to the plaintiff for the sum of one dollar." "Objection!" "Hey, watch out, man." "You hit my hand." "Objection, Your Honor." "That's..." "That's absurd." "Okay, listen, listen." "I've had enough out of you." "Now sit down." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "What if I were to tell you" "I could probably find this Red character, and her testimony would send both you and your idiot client up the river for a very long time?" "That would be bad for me." "But for him, I don't care." "Send him up the river." "But, Your Honor, in all honesty, may I have the payment, if you wouldn't mind, in cash?" "Pay the man." "Oh, uh..." "I..." "Thank you." "And here's your cut." "Just ain't no justice, is there?" "Ta-ta." "So, um, I guess I'll be going." "You may be a disgrace as a superhero, but you're a superhero nonetheless." "And this city needs all the superheroes it can get." "So therefore, I'm going to sentence you to a halfway house for superheroes in training." "You will be a Super Caper member." "There you will be forced to develop your powers and be held accountable for your actions." "Should you violate this court order," "I will send you to jail for the rest of your natural-born life." "If you agree to these terms, sign here." "Aah." "Bailiff!" "Not again!" "I don't want any more capes in my courtroom." "You understand me?" "Court's adjourned." "So this is it... the start of my new life as a superhero." "Think they'd give you a newer cab, at least one with a roof, huh?" "Then we wouldn't have air conditioning, now would we?" "That big house is where I'm headed." "I'm, uh..." "I'm gonna be a superhero." "Oh, big deal." "I used to be a superhero myself." "A superhero?" "Really?" "Who?" "I was Manbat." "Would you like an autograph?" "Oh, heck, yeah." "Sure." "No charge." "Oh, thanks." "Good luck." "Wow, Manbat." "My breath was taken away when I saw the outside of my superhero hideaway." "Oh!" "I could get used to this." "¶ Raindrops keep falling on my head ¶" "¶ Just like the guy whose feet ¶" "¶ Are too big for his bed ¶" "¶ Nothing seems to fit ¶" "¶ Those raindrops are falling on my head ¶" "¶ They keep falling ¶" "¶ So I just did me ¶" "¶ Some talking to the sun ¶" "Ed Gruberman, new superhero for hire." "I may not look like much, but I am sharp as a whip." "Where's your luggage?" "Aw, crap!" "Here." "Don't want you getting my floor wet." "Thanks." "Oh, wow." "So, uh, you're..." "Boogerman, is it?" "No." "Gruberman." "Yeah." "That's good." "I didn't want to think what kind of superpowers Boogerman would have." "So you're Sarge, my mentor." "Me Gruberman, you Sarge." "You know, I can't help but imagine all the superheroes who have walked down this hall, huh?" "I mean, years and years of training new recruits, only to see them go out and save the world." "I've only been here six months." "Oh." "Are you coming or not?" "Yes, right." "Show me the villains." "I am ready to kick some butt." "This ain't no superhero movie, Gruberman." "You get out there in the field and you screw up with the real bad guys, you can't holler "cut"" "and shoot the scene over again." "Now come on." "Let's go meet the rest of your team." "Sarge is right." "If this was a superhero movie, my character would have run off to the Grubercave with Red by my side." "¶¶" "Oh, yeah." "Hey, space cadet." "Can we get on with this?" "Oh, yeah." "This is the lounge where most of the Super Capers hang out at." "You can learn something from those slackers." "Attention, everyone." "I want y'all to meet our newest member," "Ed Gruberman." "I trust y'all will make him feel welcome." "Welcome to Super Capers." "Excuse me, miss." "Can I have a glass of ice water?" "I suppose you think because I'm a woman behind a counter that I'm supposed to wait on you?" "Well, maybe you've heard this old joke, but how many men does it take to open a beer?" "Hmm?" "None." "It should be open when she brings it." "Very well, then, Your Highness." "Oh, it's cold." "That's Felicia Freeze." "Next time, I'll ask for it without ice." "Your head is so big." "You know, Mother always said," ""If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."" "I'm sorry." "It's just... your head..." "I know, I know!" "It's big, it's big." "It's a great big head." "Thanks for noticing." "Maybe that's why they call me Brainard." "First name Herman." "You know, there are benefits to an oversized head." "What are your superpowers?" "Oh, well..." "Hello." "My name is Q." "Hi." "You must be Ed." "Your name is Herbert." "This isn't 007." "You can call me Q." "So, Ed, is it?" "This is my sidekick, Robo, Ed." "What kind of superhero is this?" "Look at your puny arms." "What a girly-man you are, Ed." "He sounds just like..." "No." "No, he doesn't." "I'll be back." "Anyhoo, I'm the gadget man." "I'll be responsible for anything you might need." "I shall also be designing your outfit." "Oh, great!" "Can I help you?" "No." "That will not be necessary." "Plenty of sources of inspiration out there." "Come on, Robo." "Hasta la vista, girly-man." "Oh!" "Ow." "Hey, my commercial's on." "Will Powers, superhero here." "When I'm out there fighting evildoers, sometimes it helps to have a car to throw at them." "Do I want just any car?" "No." "I need a car that is gonna crush their spineless bodies and survive the impact." "So I turn to Jeffrow Motors." "Hey, have a hot wife?" "Bring her in, get a new car." "It'll be a great trade." "Best bang for your buck." "Hubcaps are extra." "So remember, if you're gonna trade in that old car, think Jeffrow Motors." "If you're trading that hottie wife, think Will Powers." "Just joking." "Not really, though." "Will Powers... superhero making super deals for super people like you." "Wasn't that great?" "How about it, Puffer Boy?" "Uh, special effects were awesome." "What special effects?" "I wanted to get a Ferrari, but Mother made me get a Hyundai." "It was disgusting." "Reawr." "What about you, Ed?" "What did you think?" "Oh, I loved it." "Um, Mr. Powers, do you think it would be possible for me to get an autograph?" "I don't get paid enough for this." "Yeah, no." "We..." "We can do that later." "So, why do they call you Puffer Boy?" "When I get scared, I blow up like a pufferfish." "Really?" "Yeah." "That's interesting." "You know, I saw this whole documentary about pufferfish..." "Oh, wow." "You weren't joking." "Nice." "So how do you change back?" "Well, that's the fun part." "Pull my spike." "Quite the ladies' man, aren't you?" "Will!" "Will!" "I did it." "I was able to develop my power." "Look." "See?" "I can create fire." "That's amazing!" "We shall call you..." "Igniter Boy." "Well, I don't know about amazing." "It was like a match or candlelight or..." "Can you make it go higher?" "Ooh, and brighter." "I don't know." "Let me try." "Careful, Igniter Boy." "Okay, that was amazing." "Can he do it again?" "He's gone." "Okay, if any other superheroes have a one-time power, please hold off on showing it to us." "Hey, listen up, gang." "We got a Code 6." "Cretan's back." "He took control of two armored trucks and he's camped at the Main Street Bridge." "Come on, Puffer, let's go." "Will, you take newbie with you, and show him some excitement." "I don't know, Sarge." "It takes quite a bit to excite this guy." "Just ask Igniter Boy." "What the hell is he talking about?" "Gotta go!" "Code 6!" "What the hell is he talking about?" "Yes, Mother, I'm wearing clean underwear." "So I bet Herbert built you guys, like, a super jet or a missile-firing supermobile, right?" "Herbert's a great inventor, but you know he's a big movie buff, don't you?" "So?" "Let's just say he doesn't get points for originality in his inventions." "Oh, you gotta be kidding me!" "Wow!" "The inside looks like one of those space movies." "Yeah, this baby is decked out." "Q even put a tracking device on the key chain because I kept losing the RV at the mall." "Hey, what's that blue flashing light do?" "That's what makes time travel possible." "Really?" "I don't know." "Maybe." "What do you mean?" "Nobody knows if it works." "A decked-out RV won't get up to 88 miles an hour." "Then what's it for?" "To get us from point A to point B." "But it looks cool, huh?" "Hey, Ed, since this is your first gig, you want to drive?" "Yeah!" "I bet you would." "Too bad you'd only wreck it." "Tell you what I'm gonna do, though." "I'm gonna punch in the date and time as your first mission." "At least this contraption will be good for something." "Okay, Super Capers..." "Let's move!" "Let's fly!" "We said..." "Super Capers, let's roll." "Come on." "Go." "No, go." "I thought you..." "How about rock?" "That's not bad." "I like that." "Super Capers..." "Let's rock!" "Whoo!" "Move 'em out!" "Sure, I'm just a human and have no real abilities like my superhero friends... so I duck down behind a squad car." "No sense in getting in their way." "What are you doing?" "Oh, uh, I'm, uh..." "Just checking these cars for gas leaks." "Oh, is that one of your special powers?" "Could be." "Jealous?" "Will Powers?" "They came out of nowhere." "Overturned one of the armored trucks and started ransacking the gold." "They?" "His buddy's inside the other armored truck." "Okay, Officer, I'll take it from here." "I just want you to know I'm a big fan." "Is there any chance I can get your autograph?" "Sure!" "Anything for one of L.A.'s finest." "Okay." "Oh, well, how about a picture, huh?" "Yeah." "Will!" "The Cretan." "Remember?" "Right on it, doll face." "A little music should set the mood." "¶ We need Will Powers ¶ Excuse me, guys." "¶ He's got the looks and the charm ¶" "¶ And he's fit for the fight ¶" "¶ He's got real powers ¶" "The jig is up, my mischievous foes." "Who is that I hear?" "Will Powers?" "They couldn't send a real superhero, so they had to send you." "If it isn't Captain Sludge." "Or should I say "Captain Fudge"?" "What?" "That's funny." "Never mind." "Your diabolical plan ends here." "Gaah!" "And who is gonna stop us?" "You?" "Wow." "Watching Will in action makes me appreciate why I wanna be a Super Caper." "This isn't as bad as I thought." "He is gonna save the day." "We are heroes." "I've noticed you've gained a little weight there." "And are those gray hairs I see coming through those highlights?" "Will, what's wrong?" "Are you..." "Aah!" "What just happened?" "Sludge knows Will's weakness." "What about you?" "When are you gonna use your powers?" "I-I'm working on it." "I just need more time." "Well, while you wait for puberty to kick in, we're moving on." "Puffer Boy, what's the plan?" "Me?" "Oh, boy." "There, there." "It's okay." "Don't look at me." "Mother's phone call triggered a migraine." "Do you know how painful a migraine is with a head this size?" "Will!" "Will, you gotta snap out of it." "Look away." "I'm hideous." "Will, you're fit, you're strong, you're charismatic, and you're really good-looking." "Really?" "Wait a minute." "Are you gay?" "No." "I'm totally straight." "Which proves how really good-looking you are." "Sorry, Ed." "It'll take months for me to get my groove back." "It's up to you, buddy." "What are you doing?" "I'm praying for help." "Are you serious?" "This whole time you've been keeping this a secret from us?" "I'm sorry?" "Whoa!" "Hey, guys!" "Hold up." "Check this out." "Attention, Captain Sludge." "I have a news flash for you." "Oh, pansy boy is back." "This ought to be good." "You better pray for forgiveness while you still can." "What?" "And why, pray tell?" "Exactly." "This is Ed Gruberman, one of the greatest superheroes of all time." "Well, um..." "He has the right hand of God on his side." "Oh, really?" "Well..." "Go, Cretan." "It's you against God, baby!" "Uh, Will, I think you might have misunderstood me." "If you're gonna use your powers, you'd better do it now, Ed." "But, Will..." "Now!" "I was cornered." "What would the Dark Winged Vesper do?" "I..." "I had no idea, so I just shouted the first thing that came into my head." "Dear God, flatten thy enemy." "Smite him with your smiter." "Oh, God!" "I'm walking through the shadow of Death Valley with you and I pledge allegiance to you, so beat this evil brute for the republic for which you stand." "So help me, I do!" "Shalom!" "You did it, buddy." "I did." "I..." "I mean, I did!" "But how?" "Oh, great!" "He really does have the power of God." "Cretan!" "Up!" "Horns down." "Let this be a warning." "You don't mess with the powers of Ed Gruberman." "Yeah!" "I'll, uh..." "I'll ask the Lord to lay the smackdown." "Yeah, high-five!" "Whoohoo!" "Ow!" "This isn't over!" "We will be back, Mr. Gruberman!" "Nice work, Gruberman." "Just remember, I'll always be number one." "Super Capers!" "Should we go after them?" "Oh, no, no." "It's only the first act." "We gotta keep the viewer interested." "Let 'em live to fight another day." "Hey, uh, you want my autograph, don't ya?" "Huh." "Who do you think you are?" "Will Powers?" "I, uh..." "I guess I underestimated you." "The power of prayer." "Huh." "Hmm." "Well done, everyone." "Well done, Gruberman!" "Your Honor." "You were here?" "Of course." "I always like keeping track of the beneficiaries of my mercy." "The Dark Winged Vesper would be very proud of you!" "Keep up the good work." "We're late." "Let's boogie!" "Ciao." "Driver, drive, drive!" "I can't believe it." "The light post accidentally gave way at just the right moment we needed it to, and I look like a great superhero." "Maybe you are looking out for me." "Thanks." "Hey, Ed!" "Sarge is on the phone!" "He wants to personally thank you for letting the bad guys go!" "He's also yelling something about physically removing your legs to kick your butt with!" "Dear Lord, if you do give me special powers, incredible speed would be really useful about now." "Help me!" "Help me!" "Is there not a heroic gentleman who's willing to save a poor girl in danger?" "Shut up, you dame, before I pump you full of lead." "Excuse me, ma'am." "Is this thug bothering you?" "It's the Dark Winged Vesper, my hero." "The Dark Winged Vesper?" "Oh, no!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Dark Vesper, how will I repay you?" "Now, now, miss." "Although we may starve, a superhero fights for justice." "We do not need rewards for performing acts of kindness." "Hmm." "No need to starve." "Let me make you dinner tonight at my place." "Goulash." "Um." "20 bucks will do." "Ah, the Dark Winged Vesper." "Here was a hero that had class." "Like my idol, I think I'm really starting to prove myself as a worthy superhero." "Last week on the bridge, I showed great potential." "I'm no longer that kid that would sit around in his tights." "I've moved up to boxers." "Hey." "I really appreciate your keeping me company while I help Mother do laundry." "Ah, don't mention it." "I've been wearing this suit for a week, and I think it's beginning to develop a super stench." "Gertrude!" "Gertrude, look." "Oh, there he is." "Oh, Gertrude, look." "This is the superhero I was telling you about." "He talks to God and God answers his prayers." "Well, I wouldn't put it exactly like that." "Well, really, if he really is in touch with God and he's some sort of superhero prophet, why is he half naked?" "Jesus loves me." "That's got to count for something, right?" "Oh, Eddie, you are far too modest." "You saved everybody on that bridge and you know it." "I was there, too, Mother." "Herman, it is impolite to interrupt." "Why must everything always revolve around you?" "But, Mother..." "Oh, please, stop this jibber jabbering and go get my panties out of the dryer." "Yes, Mother." "Eddie, I was wondering, since you talk to God, whether you could ask him if I'm going to heaven." "Oh." "Oh, oh!" "Me, too." "Me, too." "And what about my cat?" "I cannot go to heaven without my cat." "Now, and my arthritis is bothering me." "Could you heal me?" "Oh..." "Wait a minute." "Wait." "If he's going to heal you..." "I want you to look at my canker sore, right there." "Could you take a look at it?" "There." "It's just right..." "You can touch it." "Oh, thanks." "But it's the size of a dung beetle." "It is enormous." "It's my turn!" "Is that a Bingo Hall I see across the street?" "Bingo?" "Oh!" "Bingo?" "Let's go!" "I'm going to win!" "Not this time, you old bat." "Hey, where'd they go?" "I..." "Yeah." "Hmm." "Mother, I told you not to wander." "Hey, that's the judge." "What do you suppose he was putting in the trunk?" "Let's go." "I don't know." "Hey, why don't we call him and ask him?" "Uh, we can't do that." "Deposit 25 cents, please." "Yeah, I used all my quarters at the Laundromat." "Ooh!" "Let's follow him." "Uh, we can't do that, either." "All right." "We'll go play Bingo with your mother and she can tell me why a grown man in his 50s still sleeps in the same bed as his mother." "Hey." "You know, Herbert Q. Did design a radar system so we could follow without being noticed." "And for the record," "Mother and I have separate beds." "Yeah." "Sounds like years of therapy." "And they're at least 3 feet apart!" "You know, Your Honor, there's this really ugly RV that's been following us for a while." "Yes, yes, I know." "Let's just remain inconspicuous." "Those dysfunctional heroes are falling right into my trap." "Herman, don't you think we're following a little too close?" "I mean, we got 'em on radar." "Yeah, but it only has a 20-foot range." "20 feet?" "Then what good is it?" "It might get foggy." "Okay." "Hey, uh..." "Hey, Brainard." "You know Felicia and..." "Do you think a girl like her and a guy like me could ever..." "Oh." "Oh, yeah." "Sure." "If God floods the entire world and you two are the sole survivors." "So you're saying we got a chance, huh?" "Great!" "You know, you could be thinking of a plan." "All right, look." "We're never gonna catch up to him in this thing." "Hey, why don't you use your mind thing and pop open the trunk." "No problem." "¶¶" "What are you doing?" "I'm making a sound effect." "No superhero can use his powers without a good sound effect in the background." "Come on, help me out." "Really?" "I'm not doing it without..." "All right." "Okay." "¶¶" "Hey, you did it!" "Yeah." "It's amazing I did with all that racket you were making in the background." "Couldn't hear myself think." "Oh, great." "The trunk just popped open." "I know." "I've been trying to fix it for the longest time, but I'm having a lot of trouble with the latch." "There's a body bag, but I can't make it out." "Can you unzip the zipper?" "I still can't make it out." "Maybe if you lift the body up a little bit." "Seems to be caught on something." "Hold on." "Let me give it one good tug." "Uh-oh." "Eww!" "See how stiff it was?" "Yeah." "Rigor mortis must have kicked in." "Hey!" "What happened?" "I thought we had a mannequin back here." "We did." "You don'tsuppose that he escaped and he's gonna turn us in?" "You know what?" "You're depriving some village of its idiot." "Okay?" "Now, come on." "Get the stuff out of here." "Looks like they're getting rid of the evidence." "I want to see what's in that bag." "You know, this vehicle can camouflage itself." "Let's just wait until after they leave." "Are you kidding me?" "We have a cloaking device?" "Number One, ready the cloaking device." "Engage." "1, 2, 3." "Schmucks." "Herman, when you said the vehicle could camouflage itself, this isn't exactly what I had in mind." "You're right!" "I forgot to paint our faces!" "Eyes closed." "Wait." "Wait right here." "There's something strange about all this." "Take some time to figure out what to do." "Whoo!" "It's mine!" "I'm rich!" "It's all mine." "Is everything all right?" "What's in the bag?" "Mind your own business!" "Stuck." "They're all mine." "I'm rich!" "Huh?" "So, do we got something on the judge?" "Oh, yeah." "You bet we do." "What?" "Littering." "Littering?" "Hey, it's no joke." "Littering!" "Wow!" "That scumbag!" "Yeah!" "Well, lookie here." "Look who decided to join the party." "I've been trying to get in touch with you." "Your suit's done." "My suit?" "Really?" "Tell him, Edward." "Oh." "Oh, yeah." "Um, I gotta tell you about today." "Well, we were at the Laundromat..." "And Ed stripped down to his boxers." "Oh, this should be good." "Brainard." "What?" "You did." "Anyway, we're following this limo, right?" "And lo and behold..." "Look, Ed, why don't you and Robo go on down there and try your suits on, okay?" "I gotta take this phone call." "And when y'all get back up, we'll talk about it, okay?" "Oh, yeah." "No." "Sure." "No harm done." "All right, listen, Herman." "Not a peep until I get back." "I want to see the look on their faces." "Oh, yeah." "The sanitation engineers will be giddy." "I'm calling Mom." "Let's take the elevator, girly-man, look at your new suit." "Wow!" "Look at this place!" "Well, the cat's out of the bag, Herbert." "We know where you get your inspiration." "Herbert?" "Why don't you call his name like you got a pair, girly-man?" "Hmm?" "Q!" "Pretty good, huh?" "Oh." "Sorry." "Didn't hear you come in." "Here to see your outfit, are you?" "Yeah." "Well, I think you'll love this." "Although I have to admit," "I did have some problems." "Hey, you got one beautiful-looking blue eye." "What say you and I go split a can of 30-weight..." "Hey, you..." "With detergent?" "Felicia?" "I'm..." "I'm normally not this forward, but... you're different than the rest." "Maybe it's your faith or that bumbling charm, but I respect a hero who stands by what he believes in." "It shows a great deal of innocence that cannot be corrupted by evil." "Aw, crap." "She's onto me." "And I..." "I wanted to help Herbert put some of that pureness into your... costume." "Herbert!" "Oh." "How'd that get there?" "Sorry." "Q!" "Felicia!" "I don't know what to say." "You should try it on." "Felicia..." "Yes, Ed?" "Well... gotta go." "This is the part of the story that usually turns to mush." "Well, I have many, many hours of countless inspirational films that we have to watch." "Come on, Robo." "Hasta la vista, girly-man." "Ooh!" "Ow." "What kind of a name is "Gruberman," anyway?" "I don't know." "As you were saying?" "Felicia..." "I've been noticing you, too." "Whenever you're around, I..." "I get this feeling of warmth." "Really?" "Tell me more." "I mean, I know they say you have the power to freeze..." "Mm-hmm." "...and that you're a cold and heartless woman..." "And, oh, I saw the men behind your back make fun of you." "They call you Ice Queen." "And we even have this "Grrr" sign we do that is actually quite funny." "Shh!" "Maybe you just shouldn't talk." "Mmm." "Everyone's gonna be so jealous!" "So, Felicia, um, how about you don't freeze my head anymore?" "I think it causes brain damage." "That would require a brain to damage." "Ta-da!" "What..." "What do you think?" "Wow." "You really do have an inner glow about you." "Well, let's go kick some evil butt, huh?" "Oh." "And by the way, I heard what you said." "What did I say?" "Yeah, I don't know." "But you said something." "Maybe it's that brain damage." "You know, it clogs the ears." "Reawr!" "Not funny, Ed." "It's not funny at all." "Hey, look at the Super Gruber." "Ooh!" "Where have you two been?" "New suit, huh?" "Bet it's dry-clean only." "Um, actually, it's 100% anti-glare leather, so I look good even when I'm fighting." "Wooah!" "Listen, just because you got a fancy new suit doesn't mean that you're number one." "You know, people will always look up to me." "I am Will Powers." "That is my picture on the wall." "Hey!" "...10-month-long investigation..." "Look, that's us on TV." "What we found may shock you." "It will almost certainly make you think twice before ordering your next burger." "¶¶" "Last week's robbery on the Main Street Bridge was interrupted by the heroic Super Capers." "Unfortunately, cleaned up the scene, there were still $20 million worth of gold bars that were unaccounted for." "Now, speculations have led to Captains Sludge and Cretan taking off with them during their escape." "However, the suspects are still nowhere to be found." "When asked about the reason for the villains' escape, this is what local law enforcement had to say." "Hi, Mom!" "We're on air." "Oh." "Sorry." "Yeah, so me and the guys were about to stop Cretan." "Then this new superhero, Ed Gruberman, said," ""Nah." "We have to keep the viewer interested."" "Or something like that." "Didn't really make much sense to me." "Then he asked me if I wanted his autograph, like he was a celebrity of something." "Okay." "Well, there you have it." "And, Ed Gruberman, if you're out there and you're watching, thanks for letting the bad guys get away, you moron." "That can't be good." "Mr. Gruberman." "I am Special Agent Smith." "This is my partner and twin brother." "Special Agent Smith 2." "Yeah." "We just saw the news special on TV, and we are placing you under arrest for the theft of the missing bouillon." "Yeah!" "I told you to stop that." "Wow." "You guys are fast." "Um, seriously, though, I need to talk to you." "Hey, listen up!" "I run this misfit operation." "You can't just come barge in here, arresting who you want." "And besides, it'd be a cold day in hell before I believe Ed's a thief." "That-a-boy, Sarge." "You tell 'em." "Yeah." "You know?" "It's exactly like the Sarge said..." "I've never stole anything in my life." "Never stolen anything, hmm?" ""Property of Warner Bros. Studios"?" "Wait." "No!" "Q!" "Aw, crap." "We received an anonymous tip today regarding the whereabouts of the missing bouillon." "Yeah." "We followed up on said call, and we found this sign by the side of the road, right next to where the missing bouillon was buried." "How could you be so stupid?" "The devil made me do it." "Look, I was gonna give it back." "I mean, it's not like I can go to a bank and cash it in." "So I don't suppose you have any kind of account number on you?" "Actually, yes." "Yes, I do." "Heh ha!" "Ah." "Mm-hmm." "This is an offshore account number for the liquidation of gold." "Opened and signed..." "huh... by you." "I don't know what you're talking about." "This is your signature." "That..." "Well, that was my paycheck." "Aw, crap." "Well, you know, uh... a little glue... that's probably gonna be just fine." "I'm sorry, Agents." "You need military clearance to come in here and arrest someone." "Actually, we have it." "We also have orders from the top to shut Super Capers down, effective immediately, pending further investigation." "So we are placing you all under arrest on the theory of your involvement in the missing bouillon." "Well, unfortunately," "I still can't let you arrest Ed." "Yeah!" "You tell 'em, Sarge." "Because I'm gonna kill him!" "Aaahh!" "Sarge!" "Please, you gotta believe me!" "Agent guards!" "Everybody in!" "Two by twos." "All right, let's round them up." "Put them all in the van." "Yeah." "Your RV is also being impounded for further investigation." "Hey, nobody fight back, man." "Just do what they say." "We'll get this all worked out." "Will." "Will, you gotta believe me." "It's the judge." "He's framing me." "Sure, he is." "Here's an idea." "Why don't you just tell it to the judge, klepto boy?" "Oh, sorry." "Lies!" "All lies!" "Sarge." "Listen, Sarge." "Now I know why Cretan and Sludge got let go." "Everybody, back to the van." "Felicia." "Felicia, please..." "Don't ever talk to me again." "I thought you were different." "I'm gonna fix all this, I promise!" "Lies!" "Lies!" "Let me see your hands." "Hands?" "For the handcuffs." "You're going to prison." "Oh, boy." "Oh, great." "Agent Smith." "Just roll him out of here." "It'll be all right, Puffer Boy." "But I don't wanna be a chicken!" "Ow!" "I say!" "This is an outrage!" "Nobody ever arrests the sidekicks!" "Get him, Robo!" "Ooh!" "Are you scared to pick on a man your own size?" "I'll show you how to pick..." "Get him outta here right now!" "Let's go!" "Ed, I'm going to crush you..." "later!" "I've got an itch." "Can you scratch me right..." "At least the little guy called me Ed." "Not you..." "Ed." "You're coming with us." "What?" "Yeah." "Okay, they're all accounted for." "We're bringing in Ed." "The rest of them will be... taken care of, as you ordered." "Welcome to the judge's home." "Yeah." "This is what I've been trying to say." "He's crooked." "I mean, look at this place." "Enjoy your stay." "Yeah." "Would you stop that already?" "You've been a naughty boy." "Red?" "Red, where have you been?" "Did you know I was sentenced by the judge to become a superhero?" "And then it ends up he's a villain and those agents work for him." "Plus, I'm not sure they're really twins." "No." "Yeah." "Look at this place." "All bought with dirty money." "You read comic books." "You watch TV shows." "This place doesn't look at all familiar?" "You're right!" "I should've noticed this sooner!" "This belongs to the Dark Winged Vesper!" "In..." "In comic issue 51, he... he fought the creature from Area 51 right in this very room." "This is his mansion!" "Wow!" "When the Dark Winged Vesper finds out that the judge has taken over his mansion, hoo!" "He is going to be upset." "No worries now." "You adorable idiot." "News flash." "Bernard Raymond III is the Dark Winged Vesper." "Then who's the judge?" "The judge is the Dark Winged Vesper." "Talk about your identity crisis." "Which is it?" "Shh." "There's more." "I know that suit." "The person who killed my parents was wearing that black spandex suit." "Why?" "Because they were all out of the pink suits that day." "You disappeared for all these years." "I thought someone had finally gotten you." "I looked up to you." "I wanted to be you." "And you said Ihad the identity crisis." "Your boxers probably got my name on them." "Ha!" "Wrong." "They say "Jesus Loves Me."" "No, Ed." "Look down." "Aw, crap." "Ooh." "Boxers." "Red." "Do you mind?" "Can we be alone?" "Don't you have some business to attend to?" "I love it when she does that." "Look, Ed." "I really like you." "So do what he says, and we can have a night beyond your imagination." "Ohh!" "Yeah." "Don't listen to her." "She's obviously a villain." "And besides, you're in love now... with your lady in blue." "Do you always talk to yourself?" "Crap." "Meant to use my inside voice." "Red!" "It's time." "Well, no matter." "Your lady in blue won't be around long enough for you to fall in love with her, anyway." "What are you gonna do?" "Why, kill all your friends, of course." "What?" "Wait!" "Why?" "Ciao." "You've gotta stop her." "Stop her?" "Do you even know why you're here?" "Do you even know how you got here?" "Yeah." "Your two goons hauled me in here." "I don't think they're twins." "Do you know you're a big part of my plan?" "Right from the start?" "I had Red set you up so you'd end up in my courtroom." "I got your signature from you that day so I could open up an offshore account in your name." "I placed the account number in your back pocket that day we were on the bridge when I patted you on the back." "Then you followed us to where I left the evidence that I wanted the police to find." "But you didn't go to the cops." "Not yet." "Consider it blackmail." "What do you want?" "What every good story needs:" "A villain who tries to get the good guy to come over to the dark side, Ed." "So... you want me to help you find a good guy." "It's not gonna be easy." "It's tough out there." "Does it have to be a guy?" "Because there's Mrs. Fincher." "She's, like, 80, but..." "No!" "Ed!" "You're the good guy." "Me?" "Well, then why are you gonna kill my friends?" "Man, what else is there to do on a Tuesday night?" "Some people just have to be sacrificed." "Now, on a lighter note, can you deny the excitement you felt when you held all that gold in your hands?" "Hmm?" "Give me a chance, Ed." "I can teach you how to acquire such wealth and show you how to enjoy it." "You must realize that the Dark Winged Vesper someday will need a hero to take his place." "You, Ed." "You could be that hero." "Hmm." "Now, come." "Look out the window and watch the end of your Super Caper friends." "Don't chose the same fate, my boy." "Come." "Something is not right." "I just have this horrible feeling that Ed is innocent." "Well, you know..." "For the record," "I'd just like to say Ed's costume might've been borrowed." "And not very attractive." "We did chase the judge with an unexplained body bag in his trunk." "I can't believe what I'm hearing." "Trust me, innocence is not one of Ed's abilities." "I saw him eyeing the joint from day one." "They'll realize that they made a mistake." "They'll unlock these doors, and everything is gonna be fine." "See?" "What'd I tell ya?" "Huh?" "I'm surrounded by idiots." "Hello, boys." "Remember me?" "Uh-oh." "It seems the judge has given me the opportunity to end all of your pathetic lives!" "We're toast." "Oh, crap." "Maybe Ed is number one." "Out!" "All righty!" "Now is the part where we finish you once and for all." "You're wrong." "I can make this place look like a blizzard." "Ooh!" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Oh." "No, I'm okay." "I'm okay." "Just knocked the wind outta me." "Hmm." "Never was one for cold weather." "Probably why I like living in Alaska." "Definitely doesn't have super intelligence." "No." "I'm talking about global warming, you pea brain." "You think humans really cause all of that?" "Oh." "Oh!" "Doesn't matter." "None of you are gonna be around long enough to see it, anyway." "Well, except for me because, uh, you find me irresistible, right?" "Especially you... old-timer." "I am sick and tired of people calling me old and fat!" "Aah!" "Uhh!" "Kill them!" "Kill them all!" "A little music to set the mood." "¶ Will Powers, we love you ¶ Get them!" "I gotta go help Ed." "Go get him." "I am looking forward to completing your training." "In time... you will call me Master." "You're wrong." "Soon, I'll be dead, and you with me." "Wait." "Did I just say that?" "Seems awfully familiar." "Uh, perhaps you refer to the imminent attack on your Super Caper friends." "I assure you... we are quite safe from your friends here." "Your overconfidence is your weakness." "And your faith in your friends is yours!" "It is pointless to resist, my son." "I knew it!" "What?" "Well, this is exactly like the scene from  Return of the Jedi." "I mean, next you'll be telling me you're my father." "Actually, that part was Empire." "But yes..." "I am your father." "Search your feelings, Ed." "You know it to be true." "No." "No." "It can't be true." "That's impossible!" "Enough!" "Seriously!" "It's so overdone, Ed!" "A long time ago..." "In a galaxy far, far away." "I used to have a woman working for me, named Peggy." "We were intimate." "She became pregnant." "It was too dangerous to keep the both of you around, so I sent her off to join the circus." "She always loved the circus." "That's where she met your stepfather, Mort." "That's where you killed them." "In my defense, I just wanted to scare them." "It was a short yellow bus that killed them." "Why?" "To give you motivation." "It is one thing to want to be a superhero." "It is another thing to want to go after it for vengeance." "It brings out the true evil in people." "Now look how far you came because of me." "Rule the world with me as father and son!" "I'll never join you!" "God, this is ridiculous!" "There is no way you came from my loins." "You've got too much of your mother in you." "And there was this funny rumor that you... you could talk to God." "I mean, like you got some power with the man upstairs." "Huh?" "Maybe I do." "That is it!" "Agents!" "Kill him!" "Oh, why does a villain always have to have idiots working for him?" "Is it a criteria?" "No wonder the good guys always win." "I'll just do it myself." "What?" "Oh, that's just disgusting!" "Make a run for it." "Go help the others." "Thanks, Puffer Boy." "Oh!" "I'll take care of him." "Stick Boy, prepare to meet your maker." "You don't scare me." "I'm not afraid of you." "Get out of my way!" "I can't!" "I'm stuck!" "Jump over me!" "Please!" "Stop!" "Please!" "Aw, crap..." "Go!" "Move out!" "Move out!" "Come on!" "Help me!" "Get back here!" "You know, you would be much stronger if you just buy my exercise DVD." "Ka-ching." "¶ Will Powers, we love you ¶" "Hold on!" "Ha!" "Did you feel the burn?" "And now, girly-man, I'll crush you!" "Well, now, allow me to demonstrate my newest product." "What?" "I call it a light sword." "Every true Super Caper should have one." "Great horny toads, it needs some adjusting." "Get this stupid..." "Leave me alone." "I just want my..." "Oh, come on, you..." "Mother always said, too much ha-ha?" "Pretty soon, boo-hoo." "Boo-hoo." "Just one a minute." "Almost got it." "Almost done." "Just you unhand me!" "I'm coming to get you!" "Ya!" "Get 'em, Robo!" "Yeah, buddy!" "Will!" "Will, what can I do to help?" "I got my hands full here." "Why don't you, uh, go seek a higher power?" "Aah!" "Do whatever you do." "Ed." "I was wrong about you." "You are different than the others." "You do have what it takes to be a Super Caper, and I believe in you." "Nasty." "Oooh..." "I-I'll get help." "Careful with the RV, Ed." "Agents!" "Someone is trying to get away!" "Got you now, Sludge!" "Get away from me, Fatty!" "I'm not fat!" "I told you this wasn't over." "Sludge!" "I have you now!" "Ha!" "Is that the best you can do?" "Oh, crap!" "Ohhh!" "Hey, Big Guy?" "I'm sorry about the whole gold thing." "But if you're looking out for me, now would be a good time to help." "Well, I guess I'll look on the bright side." "We'll get to spend an eternity together, huh?" "We'll get to hang out, watch movies, tell some jokes, play some Monopoly." "You'll be my new best friend!" "Oh, no!" "Oh, God, if there's any chance I'm going to Heaven, please give me a sign!" "How ya doin'?" "Wow..." "You actually did it." "And this time machine actually works." "I gotta tell Herbert!" "Wait." "Wait." "Where and when am I?" "Oh, that's right." "Will set the clock to the date of my first mission, which means I still have time to go back and stop the Dark Winged Vesper." "To the Main Street Bridge!" "And warp speed ahead." "Oh, wait." "That's me." "So your past self must never see you future self, or one of the two of you will combust." "Thank you." "I'll remember that." "A true superhero, ready to take on the world." "Aw, crap." "Pop the trunk." "Look at those dysfunctional losers." "Ed's gonna thank me for taking him away from those rejects." "Sure I will, Dad." "Join the family business, son." "Become a superhero." "Have a few laughs." "Steal some gold." "I'm gonna have to kill you now." "It's nothing personal." "Just business." "What was that?" "I gotta tell the others if I'm gonna make things right." "Something's there." "Close the trunk." "Check it out." "Go!" "If I stay low, I might be able toget the Super Capers' attention without the old Ed noticing me." "So..." "So beat this evil brute!" "For this republic for which you stand." "So help me, I do." "Shalom!" "Ooh.." "I can fix that." "Ed!" "You did it, buddy!" "I did." "I-I mean, I did!" "But how?" "Okay, I think I'm screwed." "Oh, shoot!" "The keys!" "Okay." "Well, that can't be good." "This isn't over!" "We will be back, Mr. Gruberman!" "Nice work, Gruberman." "Just remember, I'll always be number one." "Ed?" "Will!" "Will, stop that van!" "Ed?" "Well, if you're Ed, then who are you?" "Will, now!" "Your superpowers are amazing." "Good job, Will!" "Uh, I mean team." "Who are you?" "I'm you." "Then who am I?" "You're me." "Well done, everyone!" "Well done, Gruberman!" "Grubermen..." "No." "No, no." "This is impossible." "Felicia, stop him!" "Freeze!" "I'm from the future." "I got the time machine to work, and I found out the judge is a criminal." "The RV worked?" "No way!" "Don't let him fool you." "He's been an organized crime boss for years." "You'll find he has in his possession some of the gold bars taken from the armored car." "He's lying!" "I demand to be let go!" "Forget it, Judge." "We caught you with your pants down." "Herman, will you do the honors?" "It would be my pleasure." "I'm sure it would be." "Herman, I was talking about the limo trunk." "Sorry." "The Dark-Winged Vesper, my hero, a criminal?" "Yes." "The judge... is the Dark Winged Vesper." "We were framed." "The judge put us up to it." "Please let us go." "I think I may have had an accident." "Oh!" "Well, now I bet the name Captain Fudge sounds pretty funny." "Son, how could you do this to me after all that I've given you?" "And, yes, he's also my father." "My father?" "Relax, Ed." "It's not like I told you he murdered our parents yet." "Wha...?" "Oops." "Ed, you're just kidding yourself here." "You and your dysfunctional idiot friends will never be as great a superhero as me." "And you know that." "I'm sorry, Dad." "I may never be the great hero you once were, but at least I'm honest." "And as for my dysfunctional superhero friends, they're my family now." "Whoa." "Who's dysfunctional?" "Call me crazy, but I think I'm falling for this future Ed." "Ah, I'm gonna be sick." "Uh, but... we were here the whole time." "How did the judge sneak away with the gold?" "Yeah." "He had an accomplice." "Not only could she create fire, but she could vanish at will, ladies and gentlemen." "My lady in red, please take a bow!" "How'd you figure out that one, Gruberman?" "Well, how else would you explain the disappearing in the alley, the easy removal of the gold, and the wacky controls on the RV, sending it crashing off the side of the bridge?" "I knew you'd wreck the RV." "Well, actually, it vanished before it hit bottom." "And, hey, we still got this one." "No matter." "This bridge will be ash rubble by the time I'm done with it." "What do you say, Ed?" "You and me?" "Run away together?" "Live a life of crime?" "He's mine!" "Ed, the judge!" "He must have jumped." "Do you think he made it?" "No way." "I'm sorry, Ed." "That's okay." "Hey!" "Ed, the old you's waking up." "I-I'd better go talk to him." "Hey." "You okay?" "I thought it was a dream, but it's true." "I'm afraid so." "There's two of us now." "What about the Dark-Winged Vesper... our father?" "That's all over." "He's, uh..." "He's taken care of." "I have to say, I like your suit." "Thanks." "You know, I always heard that if the same person saw his future self, there'd be a paradox in the universe, and one of the two would combust." "What a coincidence." "You know, I heard the same thing." "Just goes to show you, you can't believe everything you hear in the movies." "Here." "Well, let's give him a moment." "Uh, hey, guys!" "Wait up!" "The old Ed's gone!" "Throw him over the bridge?" "Couldn't stand the competition?" "No, actually, I think God fixed everything." "Good." "It was too confusing." "Hey, do you think next time, I could just stay home and watch this on the news?" "It was just too stressful." "Get in the RV." "I'm surrounded by idiots." "So you're into me, huh?" "I could definitely fall for this future Ed." "Well, that's good, 'cause, you know," "I traveled forward in time and I saw that we kissed." "No way." "Yeah!" "Would you deny the existence for our future children?" "Oh, ho ho." "Children." "Yeah!" "We got two kids." "Really." "What are their names?" "Our kids?" "Yes!" "Hansel and Gretel." "Hansel and Gretel Gruberman?" "I don't think so." "Oh, yeah!" "We're a crime-fighting dysfunctional superhero family." "It's great!" "You're gonna love it." "Really." "So, Ed, ol' buddy, ol' pal." "How do we get this thing past 88 miles per hour?" "Oh, that's the easy part." "Just drive this RV right off the bridge, and it pegs out before you even hit bottom." " Here, you want me to drive?" " I'll show ya..." "No!" "This is the part where you just have to have faith." "Super Capers..." " Let's rock!" " And roll!" "Not "rock and roll." Let's rock." "God." "It's just "rock." There's no "roll." "Brainard..." "Just go." "All right." "¶ Look at what's happened to me ¶" "¶ I can't believe it myself ¶" "¶ Suddenly I'm up on top of the world ¶" "¶ It should have been somebody else ¶" "¶ Believe it or not, I'm walking on air ¶" "¶ I never thought I could feel so free ¶" "¶ Flying away on a wing and a prayer ¶" "¶ Who could it be?" "¶" "¶ Believe it or not, it's just me ¶" "¶ Just like the light of a new day ¶" "¶ It hit me from out of the blue ¶" "¶ Breaking me out of the spell I was in ¶" "¶ Making all of my wishes come true ¶" "¶ Believe it or not, I'm walking on air ¶" "¶ I never thought I could feel so free ¶" "¶ Flying away on a wing and a prayer ¶" "¶ Who could it be?" "¶" "¶ Believe it or not, it's just me ¶" "¶ This is too good to be true ¶" "¶ Look at me ¶" "¶ Falling for you ¶" "¶ Believe it or not ¶" "¶ Believe it or not ¶" "¶ Believe it or not ¶" "¶ Believe it or not ¶" "¶ Believe it or not, I'm walking on air ¶" "¶ I never thought I could feel so free ¶" "¶ Flying away on a wing and a prayer ¶" "¶ Who could it be?" "¶" "¶ Believe it or not, it's just ¶" "¶ Believe it or not, I'm walking on air ¶" "¶ I never thought I could feel so free ¶" "¶ Flying away on a wing and a prayer ¶" "¶ Who could it be?" "¶" "¶ Believe it or not, it's just me ¶" "Bunch of schmucks!" "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" "Movie's not over yet!" "Get back here!" "Sit down, and watch this!" "And don't forget to pick up your popcorn when you leave!" "What did you find, boss?" "Looks like a tracking device on a key chain to an RV." "So... what does that mean?" "It means there really is a god." "I love this!" "Well, then." "Perhaps we will get the chance to use our powers." "Yeah." "Closed-Captioned By Burbank, CAServices, Inc."