"Folks, the grind can't last much longer." "It may not even be possible." "Them kids is walking around in a dream." "Two couples left, fightin' for that thousand-dollar prize." "Only two." "Over here, we've got Andy and Bee Heaney, that fighting' little couple from Monrovia." "They got married on the fall when the contest first started." "You're now looking at their honeymoon." "Both of 'em was born and raised in the hill country." "This is the first thing they ever done on the level." "And over here, we've got Joe Goetz and Ruth Waters." "Joe's from Boyle Heights and Ruth is an Eastern girl, who came out to California to go with the pictures." "She entered the contest while awaiting her great chance in Hollywood." "Joe and her ain't married, though." "They ain't gonna be." "They're gonna remain friends." "Joe used to work for the Los Angeles Transfer Company." "He delivered a trunk to Ruth." "That's how they met and decided to enter this here contest." "And folks, Joe has been pushing her trunk around for over 1400 hours." "Ain't it a beauty?" "Each couple has one fall against them." "One more fall will be the ball." "And it'll be the end of this here contest, because the couple still on their feet... will be declared the indisputed winner." "Oh boy!" "What a kick in the rompus that was!" "Bee Heaney, she slipped." "It looked for a second like the contest was over." "I bet they felt that thousand-dollar prize slipping right out of their hands." "Gee, you've gotta wait a long time for somebody to drop dead." "Gee, you've gotta wait a long time for somebody to drop dead." "Folks..." "Here's an interesting, humane slant on this here contest." "A widow, a mother, has been sitting here ever since the contest started." "For over 1400 hours, she's just been sitting." "Watchin' and prayin' for her only child to win." "It just goes to show you, folks." "Nobody will stand by you like your mother." "Who shares your troubles with her?" "Your mother." "Who helps to carry your burden?" "Your mother." "Who's your best friend?" "Your mother." "So folks, let's pay tribute to that great monument of motherhood," "Ruth Waters' game little mother, Mrs. Lil Waters." "A widow, folks." "A widow!" " Has everybody been paid?" " Everybody." "How much we got left?" "If it ends tonight, we can pay off the winners and split $6000 between us." "Why cut it up?" "We've done pretty well as partners, haven't we?" "Looks like we've got by." "Got by?" "What return do you want for your money?" "But you've only $500 to put this marathon racket over." "Yeah, but it was my 500." " You got it out, didn't you?" " You said it." "The first money we took in." "Yes, and made ourselves a nice bankroll on the side." "Listen, Mac." "Let's keep this together and parlay it into something worthwhile." "Mac, I've got ideas..." "millions of them." "You could take any of 'em to a hock shop and get money on 'em." "Mac, you stick with me and I'll put a gold spoon right in your kisser." "Might be safer if I keep on eating with my knife." "I'll make that gold too." "Listen, Mac." "What put this little racket over?" " Where'd all this dough come from?" " A lot of yaps." "Sure, yaps, suckers, chumps." "Anything you wanna call 'em, the public." "And how do you get 'em?" "Publicity!" "Listen, here's the idea:" "We take the bankroll, open a publicity agency." "Exploitation, advertising, ballyhoo, bull, hot air." "The greatest force in modern day civilization." "Look what it did for us here." "Do you want any further proof?" " Oh, I don't know." "It might work out." " It always works out!" "You can offer a $20 gold piece for $0.80, and you won't get one taker, unless you tell 'em." "And it's all in the way you tell 'em." "For example, millions of women use lipstick, don't they?" " I guess so." " You know so!" "But do you know that some contain mercury, a deadly poison?" "But it doesn't bother 'em, because the force of advertising removes from their mind the possibility of being poisoned." " Take face powder." " What for?" "Did you know that some contain antimony, a deadly poison?" "But the great advertising campaigns put out by the face powder manufacturers blots out all fears in their minds." "Look at the guy that added "halitosis" to the national vocabulary, and a million dollars to his own bankroll." "Look at Ivy Lee, Rockefeller's price agent." "Look at the guy who coined the expression "4 out of 5 have it"." "Made more out of that than Shakespeare did out of Hamlet." "Oh, that's a lot of hooey!" "Sure, hooey!" "But the most profitable hooey in the world!" "I'm telling you, Mac!" "The public is like a cow, bellowing, bellowing to be milked." "And if you're smart, you'll get yourself a bucket." "There's something happening out there." "I'll be right back." "You go and do that to me?" "Want to quit, throw me on the spears after I've sit here a month?" "Hey, water!" "How do you feel, honey?" "I'll never get around this floor again." "She's out on her feet." "Folks..." "I'm letting you in on a confidential secret." "There's another interesting, humane touch about this contest." "Our popular manager, Lefty Merrill, has took a fall himself." "He's fell under the charms of that beautiful, game little Ruth Waters." "You've just seen him taking to her." "And like Winchell says, "He's that way about him."" "'Course maybe she don't know it." "She's been sort of unconscious for the last two weeks." "Wake up!" "Come on, honey." "You're a cinch." "Let's show 'em." "Joe Goetz and Ruth Waters!" "Couple #7, the winners!" "The greatest finish I ever seen!" "Nobody's ever seen a finish like this!" "At last!" "We did it!" "We did it!" "Hooray!" "Looked for a second like the Heaneys were sure winners, but that game little Ruth Waters and her partner...!" "This is Lefty Merrill speaking, folks." "Lefty Merrill speaking." "The Sea Breeze Ballroom World Championship Dance Marathon is now history." "Without further delay, we are about to award a $1000 prize to the winning couple, Mr. Joe Goetz and Miss Ruth Waters." "Now the prize!" "Now the prize!" "$1000 in cash, folks." "10 bright, new, crisp $100 bills, right fresh from the US Mint." "Everybody stand by while I go direct into my office, and get the money right out of the safe." "Stand by, folks." "Lefty Merrill will be right back with that $1000 in bright, new, crisp $100 bills." "Don't anybody go!" "Stand by!" "Don't anybody go!" "We did it!" "It didn't kill her!" "We have to go." "You can't stay in this place." "Rats!" "Come on, Lefty." "Pay them off." "They'll tear the joint down." "They'll tear the joint down." "What's wrong?" "You sick?" "No... but I'm going to be." "Ladies and gentlemen, there's been a change of plan." "Because of the present crime wave, the management has decided to postpone the payment of the prize money until tomorrow." "Now our reason for so doing..." "Boo!" "Please, please, please." "Just a moment, ladies and gentlemen." "Just a moment." "All we want to do is protect the winners." "I could never forgive myself if I placed in the hands of that young lady, a bale of currency that might tempt some thug to do her physical injury." "But on the morrow, when the sun, that great guardian of our safety, rises over the mountaintops, then she may receive her justly earned reward without fear." "Delicate womanhood should not be exposed." "Oh yeah?" "Stick that delicate womanhood in your ear." "Where's our dough?" " But Mrs. Waters, there's a crime wave!" " Yeah, and it looks like you're it!" "Now I ask you, as man to man, do I look like a thief?" "You look like you'd steal two left shoes!" "I'll tell you..." "we've got the dough." "He's lying." "There ain't a dime in the joint." "We've got $1000 coming to us." "We sweat blood for it and we'll get it or you're not...!" "From this bum?" "Quit kidding yourself!" "He owes me three weeks' salary and I'll sell out for an egg sandwich!" "Yeah, and he owes me three weeks' salary too!" "We're all being taken!" " We won't get a quarter!" " I'll go right to the state labor commission!" "You'll get your money." "Just give me a chance." "Let me explain." "You're not gonna listen to this burglar any more, are you?" "Fellow taxpayers, I appeal to you for justice!" "My daughter and I have been robbed." "What are you gonna do about it?" "Citizens, where is your manhood?" "We entered this contest in good faith." "He lets us struggle and almost die, knowing all the time he'd never pay us." "A man like him is a menace to the community." "Your wives and daughters ain't safe with this hyena around." "I can see murder sticking out of his eyes." "If he'd rob us right out here in public, what would he do to us in a dark alley?" "There's a snake among us, folks." "Never let a snake bite you twice." "Hey, you." "We're at the end of the line again." "I'm not going anywhere." "I'm just a tourist." "That should fix our feet up fine." "I'll be able to walk by the end of the week." "I wish I'd had a hold of that chiseling promoter." "I'd stick his head right down that bucket." "It might not have been his fault." "Just keep on believing in people, and your feet'll be like that all your life." "Well there must be somebody honest somewhere." "Not in Southern California." "California..." "My California..." "Out where the west begins..." "Where the sky's a little bluer, and friends a little truer." "I'm getting sick in my stomach." "I'd like to feel the maniac's pulse who wrote that." "Southern California..." "where you can throw a net over and catch every petty larceny thief on this planet." "The glorious sunshine, the warm breezes..." "You know why they're warm, don't you?" "It's that hot air coming out of the whole population." "Well, after all, here we are." "There's no use getting indigestion over it." "We owe a month's rent." "And it's a long walk back east, with these feet." "Up to now, we've had plenty done to us out here." "I'm tired of being on the receiving end." "I'm gonna do something to somebody." "Anybody." " Well, well." "Come in, come in." " Thank you, thank you." " This is the salon, Mr. Epstein." " Oh, Goldstein, please." "Goldstein." "Oh, Goldstein." "I'm sorry." "Well, what do you think the furniture is worth?" "Its worth, my good man, you could never appreciate or understand." "Oh, you mean you've changed your mind to sell it?" "I mean these heirlooms are priceless." "They've been in my family for generations." "But... but adverse circumstances... have conspired to separate me from them." "My misfortune..." "is your opportunity." "Chippendale." "Chippendale?" "Hepplewhite." "Hepplewhite." "Looks like golden oak to me." "The patina of great age..." "You said it..." "Come here." "The Metropolitan Museum of Art has been after this for years." "Genuine gothic." "Genuine gothic?" "Oh, Mr. Goldstein..." "Before I enter into negotiations with you... you must give me your word of honor not to mention this to my daughter." "Why not?" "These pieces were the companions of her babyhood." "The thought of parting with them, I'm..." "I'm really afraid might  kill her." "Ow!" "Just a minute." "Oh gee, Lefty." "I've been awfully worried." "That mob might've killed you." " I'm sure glad you got away." " I'm kinda glad myself." " Where's your mother?" " She's got company." "I'll bet she had a few words to say about me." "I'd rather not repeat them." "Aw, she oughta know you'd be the last one in the world I'd want to hurt." "I did everything I could to help you win." " But we didn't get paid." " Well neither did I." "My partner beat it with all the money." "I'm worse off than anybody." "I haven't even got a room." "Come on in." "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." "Gotta keep those tootsies off the floor." "Your mother doesn't own a gun, does she?" "If she did, it'd be in hock." " Ow!" " That's love." "Oh, Mrs. Waters..." " Ain't these furnished apartments?" " Every one of them." "And I hope in very good taste, because I own them all." "Oh, you own them?" "Then we do business." "I'll be at your office first thing in the morning." "You'll have that money, won't you?" " Oh, it'll be a pleasure." " The pleasure's all mine." " Good night, Mr. Goldstein." " Good night." "Good night." "Be sure nobody shouldn't have switched none of them Chippendales on me, before I come and get 'em." "Not a chance." " Good night, good night..." " Good night." "Good night!" "If everything had turned out alright, I could've had a bankroll of about $3000." "Then I could've asked you to..." "Well, I see somebody left the lid off the garbage can." " You get out of here." " Ow!" "Watch out!" "I didn't mean to hurt your toe!" " Get out, now!" " Now wait a minute, mother!" "He explained the whole thing to me." "It wasn't his fault at all." "Let me explain, Mrs. Waters." "Scram or I'll go right out and organize another mob!" "His partner stole the money!" "Lefty's innocent!" "There's nobody innocent in Southern California." "It's just a big duck pond full of leeches." "We're leaving for New York if we've got to go on the conductor's whiskers." " You can't take Ruth away." " Who'll stop me?" "Give me a chance!" "I'll make good for her!" "I love her!" "I want to marry her!" " Marry her?" " Yeah!" "You're not even a good thief." "If I let you into the Waters family, you'd find all my ancestors upside down in their graves." "I'd have to support you both." "Give me a chance." "I'll get that money I owe you." "I've got a great scheme all mapped out." "All I need is a bit of time." "But I'll make you eat that statement about my not being a good thief." "How long do you need, dear?" " Oh, about... twelve hours." " That's reasonable enough." "Just promise me one thing:" "You won't leave town till tomorrow night." "Well, alright." "It'll take me that long to pack." "Now you're getting smart, mama." "You won't regret this." "You stick with me and I'll put a gold spoon right in your kisser." "And you better come back with that $500, or I'll put my foot right in your... kisser." "My mouth ain't that big!" "Colonel, I need $500 quick." "That makes us a duet." "I've needed it all my life." "Come on, quit kidding." "You gotta loan me some dough." "Banks don't run merry-go-rounds and I don't loan money." "If I put more people on this pier in one afternoon, than you've ever seen the whole season, will that soften you up for a touch?" "It might have if you did it." "You haven't changed a bit, but I'm gonna show you something that'll swell your heart up to the size of a peanut." "Some more of this dance marathon bunk?" "I can get you a whole wheelbarrow full of century notes." " All I want is $500." " 200!" "I was wrong about that peanut." "Your heart couldn't swell up to the size of a coffee bean." " Lefty, you're taking my time." " Nobody ever took anything else from you!" " Come here, let me show you..." " I don't care what you show me." "It ain't worth over $200 to me." "If you don't like it, I'll pay you for the paper." "Come here, look!" "Friends, friends!" "Patience!" "Don't crowd!" "There's plenty of room for all!" "Everyone will get an even start!" "There are no favorites here!" "I know the temptation is great to be first in a contest of this kind, where a fortune may be at your fingertips, but this race is not to the fleet, or to the lucky." "There are only a few seconds left, but for the benefit of those who haven't read our extensive publicity," "I wish to repeat..." "Concealed on this pier is $5000 in cash." "This money is scattered all over the pier in packages of different denominations, all in bright, new, crisp bills, fresh from the US Mint." "At 3:00, on the split second, I will fire this revolver, and the gigantic treasure hunt will start." "I sincerely hope that each and every one of you finds a prize." "But don't forget to spend at least a part of it here, on the pier." "Remember..." "The prizes are cunningly concealed in the most unexpected places." "Be thorough, search carefully." "The money is there." "It's up to you to find it." "Are you ready?" "On your toes..." "Get set..." "One..." "Two..." "Three..." "Pay me." " You're $10 short." " I had to plant two $5 bills out there." "You mean to tell me you planted only two $5 bills out there, and took it out of my dough?" " Whole thing was your idea, wasn't it?" "Colonel, I think you should've hidden four of those $5 bills." "Seems rather skimpy with just two." "A penny saved is a penny earned." "Listen, you penny-snatching pirate!" "Kick in with those $10 or I'll broadcast to all those yaps out there that they're breaking their necks for only two $5 bills!" "Hey rube!" "Hey rube!" "Hey rube!" "Hey rube!" "Hey rube!" "Oh, Jesus!" "Jesus!" "Colonel, control yourself!" "You'll have a stroke!" "Well what's the difference?" "I'm broke, I'm ruined." "Me at my age, listening to that idiot, letting him talk me into bankruptcy." "Somebody must've dropped me on the head when I was little." "Oh please, boys." "Be careful." "That's Chippydale, right from the Metropolitan Grand Opera House." "What's the idea?" "You put that right safe back where you found it!" "Who do you think you are?" " Whatcha doin' in here?" " And who are you?" "I'm the owner of these apartments." "Get out or I'll call the police!" "Police?" "I paid Mrs. Waters cash for this furniture. $268." " Look, here's the recipt." " I don't want to see your recipt." "But she said she was the owner." "I paid her $268 cash." "It couldn't be!" "Ah, you got cheated the same way I did." "She sneaked out owing me two months' rent." "Come on, get out of here!" "Get out of here!" "No, I do not go out!" "I want my furnit-..." "How do you do?" " Are the Waterses home?" " What'd she sell you?" "What do you mean "sell me"?" "I'm a personal friend of the family." "Oh, so you're well aquainted with them." "That's fine." "Why yes." "They're my dearest friends." "I'm practically engaged to Miss Waters." "I suppose if they was in trouble, you'd want to help 'em out." "Certainly!" "Anything in the world!" "Then you pay me back my $268!" "Furniture she sells me, she don't own." "It's positively a felony!" "And she ducked on me 150 for rent!" " Did Ruth... did Miss Waters, go too?" " Yes, both of them, I guess." "Back to New York." "The old lady was always talking about it." "Never mind that." "Say, if you're such good friends with them, pay me back my $268." "Engaged to the daughter..." "I wonder if you're legally responsible for my debts." "Wait a moment..." "Who are you talking about?" "I'm talking about you, you and the Waterses." " Waters?" "Did you say Waters?" " Yes." "Never heard of 'em." "I'm looking for a family named Walters." "J. Douglas Walters, W-A-L-T-E-R-S." "A tall, distinguished gentleman, used to be in the diplomatic service." "Had an old chinese valet." " I guess I'm in the wrong house." " Oh no, you ain't." "This is the house, alright." "I know I'd find you hanging around here." "Why hello, Joe!" "I'm awfully sorry we couldn't pay off on that thing, but that was just one of those things..." "Order an ambulance for this guy." "I wore out my feet on your dance floor, and now I'm gonna wear out my dukes on your schnozzle." "Nice place, this." "Ruth!" " Hey, hey!" "Your suit!" " Oh yeah, my suit!" "Say, give me those pants, will you?" "I've gotta get out of here." "$0.35, please." "Oh, get my money." "It's on the table there." " And get the watch too, will you?" " Alright." "I'll get the watch." "Say, uh, do you know Hayden the photographer?" " Where does he live?" " That's what I want to know." " How much do I owe you?" " That's alright." "I took it out already." " Oh, alright." " Here." "Alright, goodbye." " [DE:] What have you done to him?" " I was cheating a customer!" "Where are we gonna eat lunch?" "I don't know." "I just want a small steak." "Lefty!" " Oh, this is marvelous." " My, my, what a coincidence." "7 million people in town, and I run into you." " How long have you been in New York?" " Oh, about 3 or 4 weeks." "You left California rather suddenly, didn't you?" "Well, mother's usually in a hurry." "And how is that charming mother of yours?" "Flourishing." "Oh, I beg your pardon." "Mr. Merrill, Mr. Hayden, my boss." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" "Of course you've heard of him, the celebrated photographer." "Oh, that's fine, Mr. Hayden." "I use commercial photographers extensively in my business." "I may be able to use you." "Thanks." "Yes, my business got so I couldn't handle it from the West Coast." " I felt I had to be in New York." " You have an office in town?" "Oh yes, I've just taken the 40th floor of the Chrysler Building." "I dropped in here to see if they had a suitable studio apartment available, but..." "I don't know." "I don't think I'd like the place." "It has a musty smell." "Mother and I'd love to have you call." "We're at 35 West 11th." "I'll drop in the moment I get a breathing spell." "Have you a pencil..." "and a piece of paper?" " 35 West 11th?" " Mhmm." " And the phone number?" " Chelsea, 3-5-6-8-9." "3-5-6-8-9." "C'mon, I'll take you both to lunch." "My car's downstairs." " The Ritz is just around the corner." " Swell!" "But we were going to the Waldorf to meet some people there, remember?" "Oh, let's go with Lefty." "I haven't seen him for ages." "They have the most delicious Crepes Suzettes at the Ritz." "I taught Theodore how to make them myself." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "Oh, what do you know about that!" " What time is it?" " Four past 1:00." " Don't tell me this is Tuesday." " Of course it is." "Oh, this is just going to cost me $100,000." "Bruce Barton of Barton, Barton, Justin, and Osmond has been waiting an hour to take me to lunch to put over the biggest publicity deal of the century." "You'll pardon me, dear." "Oh, and I'll tell Mr. Barton about your work." "Who is that great genius?" "Lefty." "Oh, I mean Myron C. Merrill, the publicity man." "Mother and I met him out in California." " He really is brilliant." " Yeah?" "Brilliant enough to get away with my gold pencil." "How much do I owe you?" "Ham and beans, and a cup of that ink?" "$0.30." "You guessed it to the penny, buddy." "It's all yours." " Hasn't he proposed yet?" " Nope." "Well then you're to blame because he's certainly crazy about you." "Listen, darling." "Men like John Hayden don't come in bunches like bananas." "If he makes a cent, I'll bet he makes 25,000 a year." "Probably, but I just don't happen to be in love with him." "Who's talkin' about love?" "I said he makes a lot of money." "And we've reached the stage in life when we're entitled to relax." " Then why don't you marry him?" " You think I wouldn't?" "Say, I'd marry Tarzan of the Apes for a year's rent." "Don't wear this." "Wear your blue dress." "It shows more of your..." "girlish laughter." "There's my date now." "Let him in, will you?" "Sure." "If you could only get him to write you some letters." "Hello, mama." " Aren't you glad to see me?" " Nauseated." "Did Ruth tell you I was in town?" "Yeah, you and the rest of the Depression." "Hello, Lefty." "I thought that was your voice." "Mmm, mmm." "Don't you look cute in those pants!" "What do you want here, anyhow?" "I have something of a favor I want to ask of you." "No in advance." "I had a craw with the manager of my apartment, on account of the service, and I moved out." "I dislike hotels, and of course it's so hard to find suitable apartments." "I was just wondering if you couldn't sort of... put me up here for a few days." "What's the matter with the park?" "Now, mother, where's your old Southern Hospitality?" "We can put him up for a couple of days." "Just until I find a proper location." "Sing-Sing." "Aw, no, mama..." "I'll be out of here by Friday." "You better not prolong it." "The vermin exterminators will be in Saturday." "Lefty..." "I want to talk to you." "Listen, ape." "We've got a good job and a real man interested in us." "If you gum things up, I'll soften your skull." "We'll go into that later." "Excuse the boudoir, but I'm late and I've got to keep dressing." "Your boudoir's okay with me." "So you moved out of your apartment house." "Yeah, the service was terrible." "The valet sent my pearl studs to the laundry." "Did you close your..." "$100,000 deal today?" "Did I?" "Like that." "Sealed, signed, delivered." "I'll have this town in my lap in a couple of weeks." "In the meantime..." "could you use this $20 note?" "You're a darling." "And I'm strictly the bunk." "You know, baby..." "Someday I'm gonna prove to you I really have something on the ball." "Sure you have." "This $20 is gonna pay you 1000 to 1." "Just keep betting on it." "I've got an idea." "Let's go to the Ritz for dinner." "I really mean it this time." "Some other night." "I'm going out with Mr. Hayden." "Oh come on." "What do you wanna waste your time with that mug for, when you can have me?" "He'll be working for me in a couple of weeks." "What's the matter with this darn cream?" "It won't rub in." "And I just bought this jar." "What do you call this junk?" "Velvet buttermilk cream." "It's a new preparation." "The man at the drug store recommended it." "Hmm, take a lifetime to rub it in." "Next time I pass that drug store," "I'm gonna throw this jar right through the window." "Hey, you couldn't rub this stuff into a red-hot stove." "Velvet is right." "We're all out of velvet." "This is the most marvelous chance I've ever had in my life." "I'm holding a million bucks in my hand right now." "What on earth, Lefty?" "What are you talking about?" "I'm a cinch!" "We can't miss!" "It's a pushover!" " Ow, that hurt!" " That's love!" "Mama!" "Just the one I want to see!" "Wait a minute!" "Don't go away!" " Now look, look!" "It won't rub in." " Ow, quit that!" "Stop!" "The stuff won't rub in!" "It won't rub in!" "It won't rub in!" "It won't rub in!" "It won't rub in!" "It won't rub in!" "It won't rub in!" "It won't rub in!" "Oh thank the lord." "That's the last of him." "He's a cinch for a straitjacket." "It won't rub in." "It won't rub in." "It won't rub in." "Your cream is awful, you admit that." "But I can show you a way to make it the sensation of the age." "But not as a face cream." "No matter how hard you rub it, you can't rub it in." "Alright..." "What is the surest, quickest way to take off fat?" "Massage, rubbing." "You get it?" "We sell this slop as a reducing cream!" "Trying to rub it in, the yaps rub off the fat!" "By golly..." "You're a genius." "Out west where I come from, everybody knows that." "Yes, sir." "Oh, it's wonderful, Lefty." "It's wonderful." "That's just chicken feed." "This thing hasn't begun to roll yet." "Sit down, dear." "You must be worn out." "Out of that, you get all the money I owe you for the marathon." "Oh, I always said you were a darling!" "And $1000 besides, for the use of your hips." "They're my lucky charm." "From now on, I'm gonna use them in every campaign." "We'll all slide to fame and fortune on your hips." "I hope they can stand the wear and tear." "I never had so much confidence in my life." "I always knew the public was dumb, but they panned out even dumber than I thought." "I was on to them even as a kid." "I remember when I used to sell papers in front of a big office building." "The dudes used to come out at night, and they had a little game." "They used to hold a half a dollar in one hand, and a quarter in the other, and tell me to take my choice." " Choice?" "Hrmph." " Mhmm." " I always took the quarter." " For heaven's sakes, why?" "If I took the half, the game wouldn't be funny any longer, and they'd never give me another chance." "My boy... you're one of the finest natural burglars" "I've ever had the pleasure of meeting up with." "What'd I tell you?" "Mama, you stick with me, and I'll put a gold spoon right in your kisser." " Ow, you hurt me." " That's love." "The idea, preposterous!" "Asking a woman of my position to endorse this greasy muck." "My dear Mrs. Weston Parks." "Just a moment." "You must realize that you're a leader, a real force in the social life of this great nation." "Yes, I suppose I am." "You have certain definite responsibilities to the masses, who look up to you, who are fascinated by your every word and action." "True, Mr. Merrill." "Too true." "Now when a superb preparation like Velvet Cream is put on the market, it becomes your duty to help call the attention of the masses to it." "Where you lead, Mrs. Weston Parks, can there be any doubt that millions will follow?" "And I can assure you that other great ladies, on both sides of the Atlantic, have not shirked their duty." " You're sure this product has merit?" " Mrs. Weston Parks..." "Merit?" "It's a boon, a blessing, a godsend, to the countless millions all over the world, who are plagued by the scourge of obesity." "You're not just helping to sell an advertised commodity." "You're making it possible to bring happiness and peace of mind to the tortured fat people of the universe." "Now, won't you do your share in helping this great cause forward?" "Oh well." "Alright." "Fine." "Congratulations." "You won't regret it." "You stick with me and I'll put a gold..." "Just a moment." "Stay right where you are." "Just a moment." "Stay right where you are." "Come on, boys." "We've got the old battleaxe right in the bag." " Come on." " Yes, sir." "Now, uh... would you mind turning just a little bit this way?" "But not quite so much." "Yeah, that's fine." "Hold the jars a little farther forward so we can see them better." "That's it." "Now, uh..." "How's that for you, Ed?" "She looks like a Shetland pony." "Nix, nix." "We'll have them all retouched." "Make her look human." "It's alright." " Uh, all ready?" " Wait just a minute, please." "Mr. Merrill..." "What, uh, what hammurabiam am I to receive for this?" "Oh, the customary fee, Mrs. Weston Parks." "There are $500 people and $1000 people." " You're a $1000 person." " Well..." "Of course I realize you don't intend to keep the honorarium for yourself." "You'll give it to your favorite charity." "Now are we ready?" "Now why do I only get $1000, when Mary Shortridge got $5000 for endorsing Timmons Beds?" "Well I'm quite positive Mrs. Shortridge never received any such amount." "Don't contradict me, young man." "I tell you the Timmons Beds people paid Mary Shortridge $5000." "I don't see why I should endorse for less money than Mary Shortridge." "But Mrs. Shortridge is the daughter of a former president." "What of it?" "My second husband was a viscount!" "But your third husband was in the glue business!" "That has nothing to do with the case." "My second husband was a viscount." "And if Mary Shortridge can get $5000 for endorsing beds," "I'm worth more than 1000 to endorse this axle grease." "You're trying to hold me up!" " You made a deal to do this for a grand!" " I never did." "You said you'd do the right thing by me." "I don't consider $1000 the right thing." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, trying to chisel this way!" "You're only sore because I won't let you gyp me." "$1000 is tops!" "Take it or leave it!" "You can have me for 2." "Not a cent less." "1500, but you'll have to sign any testimonial we may write." "1750." "And I'll get you a testimonial from Julia Morgan for nothing." "Oke!" "Come on, boys." "Alright!" "Have we got it?" "Ready?" "Now!" "1... 2... 3..." "Boys, it's in the bag!" "Did he call me a bag?" "Have you seen this new velvet reducing cream?" "Yeah, I'll send you the last jar." "O. H. Weston Parks recommends this." "That's the velvet cream." "That's the velvet jar." "You would like some too." "Would you like to buy [...]?" "Mr. Merrill is too busy." "He can't see anyone this morning." "He doesn't see anyone without an appointment." "Well I'm sorry ..." "I know." "Look at all this." "Grab him and marry him before he changes his mind." "Don't be a chump." "But I want to be sure of what I'm doing." "Doing?" "You'll be grabbing $100,000 a year for us." "Listen, this guy Lefty is a wizard." "Men like him don't grow in bunches like bananas." "But how do you know he wants to marry me?" "How do I know I want to breathe?" "You got him hooked, alright." "But remember, many a fish has wriggled off." "I speak from experience." " Good day, gentlemen, and thank you." " Good day." "Bye till then." "Hello, darling." "Hello, Myron." "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I've been making hay." "Oh, that's wonderful, Myron." " Is it good?" " Pretty good." "That's like speaking about a pretty fresh fish." "Here, deposit this in the guaranteed trust, account #7." "Yes, Mr. Merrill." "Well, Ma." "How do you like my stable?" "It looks just like Grand Central Station with the corners cut off." "Listen, mama..." "You go on in there for a minute, will you?" " I want to speak to Ruth alone." " Maybe I'd better go home." "No, no." "Just go in there for a minute." "That's okay." "What are you gonna be doing for the next hour?" "Having lunch with you." " Got anything to do after that?" " Nothing particular." "Why?" "Then we'll drive down to City Hall and get a license." "On the way down, we'll stop at Tiffany's, and see if they have a ring worth wearing." "No." " No what?" " No ring and no marriage license." " Why not?" " Well..." "Out in California, I knew... and liked..." "a certain Lefty Merrill." "A fellow who was just one jump ahead of the sheriff." "And I'd have married him like that." "But I hardly know Mr. Myron C. Merrill, and associates." "Business counselor." "Oh Ruth, you're all wrong." "Maybe so." "But I can't help wondering how all this success may change you." "It's all so unreal." "Aw, no." "Listen, baby." "You know I'd be the last person in the world to get swell-headed." "New York is my town." "I know it better than you." "Success in this town has changed many a man." "The only reason I ever wanted money..." "was to throw it in your lap." "Diamonds, cars, a yacht... a country home in a prominent town, with plenty of servants." "You wouldn't have to turn a hand." "It all sounds lovely, and I know I'm a chump... but I've still got a hunch..." "Did I drop you on your head when you were a baby?" "What's the matter with you?" "Here's a fine, upstanding, clean-cut young fellow." "Rich, very rich, begging you to marry him." "And you throw him in the discard because you have a hunch." "My daughter?" "No, you must've got mixed up in the cradle." "Ruth, you're a disgrace to the family." "Why won't you marry me?" "Give me one reason that'll hold water." "What's the matter with me?" "Nothing, Lefty." "You're a darling, but..." "Oh, you're driving your old mother right into a straitjacket!" " So you don't love your old pal." " I never said that." "I simply said I wasn't going to be rushed into marriage." "I want a little time to see how I like you as a bigshot." "Will you marry him tomorrow?" "In two or three months, if Lefty still wants me..." "I'll give in." "Lefty'll want you, you'll give in..." "and Lefty'll marry you." "Would you mind putting that in writing?" "Hey, Hayden!" "Why, Mrs. Waters..." "Don't send her any more flowers, don't call, don't telephone." "Because we've got a wonderful man interested in us." "And if you start gumming' things up, I'll soften your skull." "Don't forget it." "How much money do you want to raise for Bedford College?" "About half a million." "How much are you willing to pay to raise it?" "$5000." "Chicken feed." "I got 50,000 for putting over Velvet Cream." "Well, we might go to 7,500 and..." "Tell you what I'll do..." "Give me 10% of what I raise, and I'll get you a million." "Accepted." "Now tell me something about your school." "What have you got to sell?" "Well..." "Professor Stool, winner of the Nobel Prize, is head of our Physics Dept." "Not worth a nickel." "Haven't you got a football team?" "Hasn't won a game since 1916." "But Harry Wilbur, intercollegiate hop-step-and-jump champion, is one of our students." "Now you're talking sense." "You've given me an angle." "Fine." "Mr. Merrill... yours is the calling to public service." "The happy union... of altruism, social affection, and vibrant necessity, which is the basis of American prosperity." "Mr. Merrill, I am honored in being able to confer upon you... the degree of Doctor of Literature." "Alright, boys." "Okay, Mr. Merrill." "Friends..." "This is the proudest moment of my life." "Being photographed with the prettiest coeds of Bedford College graduating class." "Okay, cut." "Thank you, ladies, and much obliged to you, Mr. Merrill." " Dr. Merrill, if it's all the same." " Okay, doctor." " Come on." "You have to meet Dad." " Fine, honey." "Wait till I get up this drag and we'll be right with you." "Dad, this is Mr. Merrill." "This is a great pleasure." "I've been wanting to meet you for some time." " You're Charles Reeves Grapefruit Acres?" " The one and only." "I've been watching your firm's publicity." " It's rotten." " I know it." "That's why I've been wanting to meet you." " Now can't we have lunch together?" " Of course he can." "I've only just met him, but he's going to be the family doctor." "Good old Dr. Merrill..." "And now, folks, Grapefruit Acres Development Corporation." "Mr. Charles Reeves, president, brings you their regular nightly hour of melody and mirth." "You'll now hear Mr. Ralph Blackman and his Ritz Roof band." "There they are." "All the butchers and bakers, and the candlestick makers, are all buying land in Grapefruit Acres." "Come to the sunny southland, where love and life are just grand." "Now why pay rent?" "Spend every cent!" "Come on and march with the band." "You'll be wealthy and wise, under Florida skies." "Join the butchers and bakers, and the candlestick makers, who make their pile buying Grapefruit, Grapefruit, Grapefruit..." "Grapefruit Acres." "Oh, honey." "I found out I was leaving only five minutes ago." "Florida." "Yeah." "I won't be back for two whole weeks." "Come along with me." "We'll get married down there." "We'll make it a real honeymoon." "Well there's plenty of time." "The Dixie Flyer doesn't leave for 20 minutes." " You don't love me." " Of course I love you." "But I just can't get ready in time." "Alright." "We'll be married just as soon as you get back." "It's a promise." "Be sure and write me every day, honey." "Yeah, I will." "Goodbye." "I've got a guilty conscience, shooting you out of town under such short notice." "Somebody's gotta jump down there and hop up those local agents." "The way you've handled this campaign has been a revelation to me." " What a man." " Well, bye-bye." "And don't worry." "I'll be back before you'll miss me." "Good luck." "You've only got ten minutes." "I'll make it." "I'll bet I could've caught that train with you." "Kinda like him, eh?" "Any answer on the New York calls?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Merrill." "We've tried every number you gave us, but we can't seem to locate Mr. Reeves." "Well cancel it for tonight." " We'll try again in the morning." " Yes, sir." "Uh, any mail?" "No mail, sir." " Well let me have my key, please." " Yes, sir." "You can call me the same time in the morning, but not too loud." " Yes, sir." "Good night, Mr. Merrill." " Good night." "Welcome on board, commodore." " Am I in the wrong room?" " No, this is your cell." "I'm in the psychopathic ward down the hall, good old 607." "Well what's it's all about?" "When'd you get here and why?" "It was rather dull in town, so I put a stamp on my checks to address myself to Florida." "And I suppose the mailman pushed you under my door." "Oh no, darling." "The house detective did that for a $10 note." "Pull yourself up a chair and learn something." "Does your old man know you're here?" "I don't believe he knows I'm in 618." "I catch on." "Funny, I've been trying to get your father on the phone all day." "Couldn't reach him at the office or at home." "The old man's rather hard to lay a hold of." "But I'm different that way." "11:00, time all good children were in bed." "Oh, Mr. Merrill!" " Have dinner with me tomorrow." " Charmed." "I'd love to." "Breakfast, maybe." " I'm gonna be busy all day." " Then we'll cut out the lunch." "Listen, Marlene." "It's swell seeing you." "But it so happens that your father's a friend of mine." "What would he say about all this?" "Anyway, you know I'm engaged." "I'm gonna be married as soon as I get back to New York." "Not that there's harm in you being here, but you know how people are." "This thing may get us both in a jam." "A very pretty speech, but I didn't hear a word of it." "Do you happen to realize that you're the host?" "And that it's very rude to let a guest drink alone?" "Alright." "Just one." "No rash promises." "Well, happy landings." "Just one." "What's Mr. Merrill's room number?" " 618." "Shall I announce you?" " Please." "No, don't announce us." "We came all the way here just to surprise him." " But Lil, he may still be in bed." " What's the difference?" "We'll go right up and give him the thrill of his life, come on." "Take the elevators!" "He'll get the thrill of his life." " Well he's not in." " Now isn't that tough luck!" "But he'll be back for lunch." "Come on." "I told you we should've wired." "Come in." "Lefty!" "Take those bags back and get us a taxi!" "Ruth, come back here!" "Don't lose your head." "Maybe it was all a mistake, but money could explain it." "Ruth, wait a minute!" "Oh, Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Oh, Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Ruth!" "Ruth!" "You mustn't sit in judgment." "Maybe it was the most innocent thing in the world, maybe it was all in fun." "I hate him!" "Ruth, we're sleeping away a fortune!" "He'll put a gold spoon right in your kisser!" "Taxi." "Ruth, come back here!" "You're making a big mistake!" " Mrs. Waters, her room number, quick." " 439." "How's Waters and her mother?" "When's the first train north?" "The Dixie Flyer is due in about 10 minutes." "Come back." "You poor sap!" "What do you expect?" "All bridegrooms are slightly used." "Sorry about that riot, but it can't happen again." " Look at this." "I'm leaving you." " Great." " What are you angry about?" " Go on, please." "Get out, will you?" "You're bad luck." "I'm afraid you'll make the roof fall in." "Why blame me?" "The waiter left the door open." "Hello, what time does the first plane leave to fly to New York?" "I'm telling you, he's just a no-good worm." "My hunch was right, wasn't it?" "Where'd I be now if I was married to him?" "Up to now, I've never been wrong about anybody." "Didn't I always tell you that guy was born to be hung?" " Where do we have to go to escape you?" " Wait, I can explain everything." "Just give me a chance to get awake." "I can explain everything." "You see, really it was like this..." "Last Wednesday night, I went to go to bed, see..." "So it seems." "Well I'm as innocent as the child." "Just let me explain." "That girl was..." "I know, just the chambermaid making up the room." "Oh, hold on." "Ruth, please!" "If I could only get awake!" " I love you!" " Let's not go into that again!" "You're a nice boy and a great playmate, but you stop right there." "You don't want a wife." "You want a harem!" "Oh now, Ruthie please!" " Go see who it is." " Listen, Ruth!" " Listen, mama!" "You've gotta help me!" " You mush-head!" "Why didn't you keep the door closed?" "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" "Listen, you've gotta square this with her." "You've gotta!" "I'm going daffy!" "This is worth $100,000 if you can get this thing fixed." " In cash?" " Well..." "I'm kinda short of cash right now, but..." "I'll give you lots in Grapefruit Acres." "They're better than cash!" " Lots in Grapefruit Acres?" " Yeah." "It's a deal." "Relax, it's in the bag." "You bad boy." "Just a minute." "Lil!" " Mr. Merrill here?" " Why sure!" "Hey, Lefty!" " You Mr. Merrill?" " Yeah, what do you want?" "I'm from the federal attorney's office." " He wants to see you." " See me?" "What about?" "For using the mails to defraud." "Grapefruit Acres." "Grapefruit Acres?" "What's the matter with it?" "That's what the district attorney wants to find out." "It's blown up." "Hold it just a minute, buddy!" " Thomas A. Chadwick is my attorney..." " That's fine!" " Is he arrested?" " I'm afraid so." " Jail?" " I wouldn't be surprised." "Officer, will you please do me a great favor?" "When you get him in that can, throw the key away." "Mama..." "Come on, buddy." "Let's get going." "Grapefruit Acres..." "A gold spoon right in your kisser..." "You got out thousands of these, didn't you?" "Mhmm, 50,000 of them." "The greatest campaign ever launched." " Picked up our sales 35%." " Oh, I can readily understand that." "I'm glad to see you appreciate good copy." "Best I ever wrote." "Now, Mr. Merrill, tell us how you reached these thousands of individual prospects." "Direct by mail." "We have a mailing list from coast to coast." "That's where the complaints are coming from: from coast to coast." "The specific charge against you is using the US mails to defraud." "Charge against me?" "I had nothing to do with it." "The Hon. Charles G. Reeves is president of the Grapefruit Acres Corporation." "See him." "Well unfortunately, we find the honorable Charles G. Reeves on route to Rio de Janeiro." "But fortunately, you're here." "Reeves is where?" "Beat it and left me holding the bag." "I guess you intended to follow him, eh?" "How do you get like that?" "I've nothing to run away from." ""The first crop will pay back your entire investment."" "You knew when you wrote that drivel that grapefruit isn't worth growing." "They're dumping tons of it in the river." "It costs more to grow than you can get for it wholesale." "But the stuff's a drug in the market." ""The first crop will pay back your entire investment."" "You meant the first crop of suckers would pay back your investment." "Just a second." "Don't get your pants in an uproar." "Well I'm as innocent as an unborn babe." "Grapefruit Acres Corporation hires me." "I'm just another trusting employee, see?" "I never wrote those circulars." "Never saw the dirty things!" "What do I know about grapefruit?" "I never even saw a grapefruit." "You never saw a grapefruit?" "Lock him up and show him a grapefruit!" "Come on." "I know you're right." "Everything you say is true." "But after all, Lefty's in trouble." "We oughta help him." "We'll help him... to the gallows!" "Trying to marry into the old aristocratic Waters family!" "Hrmph!" "A felon!" "But I..." "I just can't help liking him." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, liking him!" "I tell you, he's out of our lives." "There's only one man for us." "A steady, trustworthy, reliable gentleman." "Very honest..." "a man really worthy of us." "Who are you talking about?" "Mr. Hayden?" "Certainly!" "Who else?" "A solid businessman." "They don't put him in the can." "He just keeps on making his 25,000 a year." "There's a man for us to fall in love with." "What are you going to do?" "He'll pay steady dividends like a Liberty Bond!" "Mr. Hayden?" "Guess who this is." "That voice couldn't fool me." "It's mother." "Yes, it's mother." "Yeah, we've been out of town." "Didn't you get 'em?" "We wrote you three or four times." "Ruthie's just dying to talk to you." "Well I'm dying to talk to her." "Hold the wire." "Take this phone or I'll break it over your head." "Wait a minute." "He'll put a gold spoon right in our kisser." "She'll be right here." "Hold the wire." "Will you come here and answer this!" "Just a minute." "No use locking it." "My bail will be here any minute." "I'll lock it." "Just for practice." " Make yourself at home." " Thanks." ""Show 'em a grapefruit."" "Hello, roommate." "What's the matter?" "Toothache?" "Nothing tougher." " Say, is there anything I can do?" " Leave me alone!" "Hey, you look like a fellow I used to know in California." " An old buddy of mine." " I never was in California." "I am a Russian refugee." " Hello, Mac." " Hello, Lefty." " Still ache?" " Something terrible." "I'll cure it for you." "There." "That squares us for the marathon." "Now how've you been?" "How's business?" "I'm very happy to see you in here." "See, Lefty..." "I didn't think anybody would recognize me." "I'd know your hide in a tannery." "Yeah... so do the coppers in all the key cities." "That's why I took off all of this weight." "Well that's better than growing a beard." " How'd you lose all that seal blubber?" " Easiest thing in the world: diet." "I've been practically living on grapefruit." "On what?" "Grapefruit." "You know, that diet stuff." " Grapefruit?" " Sure." "It'll take off three or four pounds a day." "Diet..." "Grapefruit..." "Take off weight..." "It'll sweep the country!" "Raise the price of grapefruit!" "Hey, let me out!" "I've gotta get out!" "There's a million bucks of it!" "Let me out of this can!" "Come on, right away!" "Let me out of here!" "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "If it wasn't early, I'd give you a good going-over." "But your lawyer just got you out on bail." "Come on." "I'll never forget you!" "You saved my life!" "You won't regret this!" "Wait!" "What are you gonna do for me?" "While you're in Sing-Sing, I'll supply you with grapefruit!" " But are you sure it'll do it?" " How many times do I have to tell you?" "I saw it with my own eyes." "I'm not blind." "It took 50 pounds off the crookedest guy I ever knew." "What'll it do to honest people?" "The problem is to create a terrific demand for grapefruit." "Something that will send the price up." "And that sure is some problem." "It may be a problem to you, but it's a matter of life and death to me." "I'm flirting with 5 years in the penitentiary." "My trial comes at the end of the month, and I'm as good as convicted now." "I guess your diet idea is our only chance." "What have I been hollering about all morning?" "American women will beg, borrow, steal... torture themselves for one thing: a slender figure." "All they want is something new to keep them thin." "Show it to them and they'll buy it if they have to rob the baby's bank." " But a three-week diet is too long." " Yeah, I agree with you." "You have to have a number to tie in to make the yaps remember." "20 days, 18 days..." "That's it!" "An 18-day diet!" "The whole country on an 18-day diet!" "Everybody eating grapefruit as they never ate anything before!" "Serving it at every meal!" "Rubbing it in their hair!" "We'll make grapefruit as expensive as orchid!" "It's in the bag!" "No it isn't." "This is going to be plenty tough to put over." "We'll have to dramatize it, hand it on to a personality." "Just as we have all our other campaigns." "Dawes and his pipe, Clark Gable and his turtleneck sweaters." "Hoover and those collars." "I want 10 more crates of grapefruit, and hurry it up please." "It looks as though Mrs. Lil Waters called." "Loud and long." " Get her on the phone." " You don't have to." "She's right outside." "Oh Lefty!" "You and I are in awful trouble!" "I'm used to it." "Hayden, that cheap photographer..." "Ruth is gonna marry him." " When?" " Tomorrow, maybe sooner." "He only makes about 25,000 a year." "We're practically marrying a pauper." "Well that'll never do." "Better do something about that." "I wonder if we could get her shanghaied." "I've got it." "Perfect." "We're throwing ourselves away just for spite." "We don't love that mug." "We love you!" "What do we want to marry him for?" "We don't want anything he's got." "Pipe down." "Come listen to this." "Come here, come here." "I'm sorry, Lefty, but I'm busy." "What do you want?" "I just came to say goodbye." "Oh Lefty, you poor darling!" "Come in, come in." "Bring him in, policeman." "Sit down." "But Lefty!" "The papers!" "They said that all charges against you had been dropped." "This don't look like it, does it?" "Tried and convicted." " How long did you get?" " Atlanta, 10 years." "10 years!" "Oh you'll never live through it!" "You'll never come out of those grim, gray walls alive." "I know it." "That's why I came to say goodbye." "The penitentiary!" "The city of forgotten men!" "Ten long, dreary years!" "Have heart, will you buddy?" "Let me talk to my girl alone." "Just for a moment." "Sit down!" "Oh Lefty!" "There must be something we can do!" "I'll move heaven and earth." "I'll do anything." "There's only one thing to do, and that's forget me." "And through those long, endless hours in my cell when..." "I'm tossing around on a hard prison cot..." "It would ease my pain a great deal if I knew that you'd forgiven me." "Forgive you?" "Oh, darling!" "Of course!" "I heard you were going to be married." "I hope you'll be very happy." "I'll never marry anybody but you." "I love you." "Always have." "I'll wait 10 years!" "20!" "Forever!" " You would?" " I will." "I swear it!" "That's all I wanted to know." "You guys are fired!" "Go run up to the office and get your check." " Thanks, Mr. Merrill." " Oh thanks, Mr. Merrill." "That was a swell spiel you made." "You almost had me crying." "Goodbye, Mr. Merrill." "Pardon me, miss." "Well, honey..." "you promised to marry me." "I promised to wait 10 years." "You no-good, chiseling, jobbing, double-crossing monkey." "Somebody's at the door." ""Pardon me, miss."" "Well, mother." "Here I am!" "That cheap $25,000 a year man!" "Married to you." "Looks like I'm going to spend the rest of my life on a merry-go-round." "But with a gold spoon right in your..." "Kisser!" "Ow, you hurt me." "That's love."