"Five years." "I remember when I couldn't get five days." "What's your name?" "Hey." "Adam." "Sex addict." " Hi, Adam." " Hi, Adam." "I never want to get cocky about this, you know?" "I never want to be, like, "Yo, look at me." ""I got it all." "I got five years." "I got it all figured out."" "I've had to make it a practice." "I have to remind myself every day where this disease could take me." "I have to remember jonesing, feeling like I was gonna fucking die if I didn't have sex." "I've got to be vigilant, you know?" "I can't..." "I can't be easy with myself in this program." "So, yeah." "lam grateful to be sober today." "Thanks." "Thanks for letting me share." "What are you doing?" "Hey, I'm Neil." "I'm a sexy..." "I'm a sex addict." " Hi, Neil." " Hi, Neil." "Thanks so much for your share, Adam." "That's some powerful shit, man." "Damn." "All right, so let me check in." "How am I doing?" "You know, I'm good, actually." "I'm feeling pretty good." "Work's good." "Work's great." "All right, what do we got?" "Twenty-something male presenting polysubstance OD." "We gave him the Narcan, then he woke up, starting pulling everything," " and then went out again." " Got it." "Sir?" "Can you hear me?" "Can you tell me your name, bud?" "All right, belly's distended." "Let's get an IV set up and then put a Foley in." "Put it in what?" "Damn." "Looks like a bird egg in a nest." "Poor guy probably needs a squirrel to jerk him off." "Don't you think?" "It kind of looks like an elevator button." "Third floor." "Beep." "Dr. Garalla?" "Can I see you over here for a second, please?" "You know, but I gotta say it's working." "Totally working." "I haven't touched myself in about a month, which is crazy, 'cause I remember, you know, when I first heard about the no masturbation rule," "I was, like, "Okay, should I not breathe while I'm at it?"" "Should I not breathe while I'm at it?" "All right, well, that wraps it up." "Thanks for letting me share." "Yeah." "Thanks." "I'm Mike, gratefully recovering sex addict." " Hi, Mike." " Hi, Mike." "I'm proud of you, birthday boy." " Really proud." " Thanks." "And I'm proud to be your sponsor." "So, what's going on with me?" "Let's see." "Well, I'm grateful to be sober." "Been taking some visual drinks on the streets." "Is it me, or is Manhattan just one big fucking catwalk?" "Hey." "Hey." "I'm really embarrassed to say this, but I forgot your name." "You guys have heard me say this before." "This disease is a fucking bitch." "Now I have been sober 15 years in the beverage program." "No problem." "This thing is a whole different animal." "It's like trying to quit crack while the pipe's attached to your body." "Who serves stale bread?" "It's completely stale." " Have you decided yet?" " Yeah, just one moment." "What's tempeh again?" " Just order the pancakes, Mike." " Maybe I want to try something different." "You know what you should get?" "It's the salmon scramble." "It's so good." "This time I'm going to go for the pancakes." "Get off my back." "How's work?" "It's pretty good." "We just landed the postal service." "What?" "Yup, we're going to be helping them green all their packaging." " That's huge." "The postal service." " Right." "Yeah." "That's an oxymoron, right?" "The postal service." "It's like jumbo shrimp or military intelligence." "No." "It's actually not an oxymoron at all." "They actually deliver the mail." "Postal service." " But the..." " See, there's no..." "There's actually no..." " No, but there is." "They're having issues." " Not at all." "Not an oxymoron." "So how's the dating?" " What?" " it's..." "Come on, you got five years." "It's time." "The point isn't to live like a monk." " It's easy to be skinny on a desert island." " I know." "I know." "I know." "It's not like booze or drugs." "You don't have to shut it off completely." "Jesus, I'll start dating." " Don't just say that to shut me up." " What do you want me to say?" "I don't want you to say anything." "I want you to do." " Okay, fine." "I'll do it." " Do." "Date." " You are?" " Yes." "I'm doing it." "Yeah?" "Good." "Why couldn't I have picked an easy sponsor?" "Why?" "I don't know." "Maybe you wanted to recover." "Why are you riding me?" "Here." "This is for you." " Subtle." " If you want to bust my balls..." "No!" "No, no, no!" "I love it!" "Are you kidding me?" "I always wanted one of your touchy-feely rocks." "I want one." "I want a touchy-feely rock, too." "So fucking earn it." "So I'm going to hear your first step after this, right?" "Oh, shit." "Neil." "Dude, I've been working on it all week." "I totally, totally forgot that we were doing that today." "You do remember why you're in this program, right?" " Free bagels?" " You were court ordered." " Frottage." " I know." " Unconsensual touching of other people." " I know." "Listen, Neil, you gotta do the work." "You have to do whatever it takes." "You think I like not having a television or a laptop?" "It fucking blows." "But guess what?" "It's saving my life, so I do it." " Is any of this of interest to you, Neil?" " Yes, it's all of interest to me." "Can we please move on?" "I'll get it done this week." "Thank you." "What happened to your face?" "Nothing." "My fellow gastronauts." "I bring you good tidings and good eatings." "Let's bug out." "No, Pinocch, don't do it!" "It's me, Jimmy." "Put the stick down!" "Well, you should have thought about that before you ratted me out to Geppetto." "That's not my real voice." "Well, then sorry, I'm..." "No!" "Come back!" "I'm Adam." " I'm Phoebe." " Hi, Phoebe." "You are a very cruel man, Adam." "Believe me, it hurts them far more than it hurts me." "Don't you mean that the other way around?" "No, Phoebe, I don't." "So what you making?" " Flip phone, huh?" " Yeah." "You ever carbon dated this thing?" "What are you doing?" "Don't be so slow, Pinocchio." "Mike." "Mike, there's someone downstairs." "What?" "There's someone downstairs." "Get up." "Dad!" "It's me." "Danny?" "I used the Hide-a-Key." " What the fuck are you doing here?" " I wanted to come see you guys." "So you just decided you'd stop by for a midnight chat?" "I've been driving all day." "I didn't have a chance..." "So you're hungry." "So you figured you'd eat our food and then rob us." "I'm not going to rob you, Dad." "I haven't used in eight months." "Yeah, right." "I wouldn't believe me either, I guess, but it's true." "You know how I know an addict is lying?" "His lips are moving." "Mom up there?" "She's sleeping." "Danny?" "Hey, Mom." "Danny!" "Hey." "Oh, my..." "Look at you!" "Kid's stolen money, sports equipment, his mom's necklace." "Never once said he's sorry." "You know, I've tried to get him in the rooms." "And you know what they say," ""This is a program for people that want it, not for people who need it."" "Hi." "Dede." "New to the program." " Hi, Dede." " Hi, Dede." "There's a lot of dudes in here." "Sorry, my other program isn't such a sausage fest." "My NA sponsor said I needed to come here because..." ""Tell the truth and tell it fast."" "The only way I know how to relate to men is sex." "It's been that way forever." "I can remember my mom screaming at me for grinding on my cousin when I was, like, four years old." "I took my neighbor's virginity by force when I was 12, seduced my high school English teacher, got him fired when he tried to break it off." "My 20s, two abortions, one long game of musical fuck chairs." "So now I'm 30, single, no dude, no kids." "And I just lost my best friend in the whole world because I fucked her old man." "I didn't even like the douchebag." "But that's what I do." "There's gotta be another way." "There has to be, or I'm gonna fucking kill myself." "So that's what I got." "Thanks." " Keep coming back." " Keep coming back." "At this meeting, we give out chips to recognize and celebrate sexual sobriety and to help us in our recovery." "We have found through our experience that sobriety includes freedom from masturbation and sex outside of a committed relationship." "Is anybody celebrating 30 days?" "Good for you." "Good going." "Anybody else, 30 days?" "All right, all right!" "Anybody else?" "Anybody else?" "Thirty days?" "Hey, Friar Tuck." "What's going on?" "Friar Tuck is going on a date." " Yeah." " Way to go!" "Well, so what are we talking?" "Male, female or shemale?" "Hey, babe, you told me to get out there." "Well, I'm proud of you." "That's good news." "That's good news." " You going to fellowship?" " No, I can't." "I'm meeting up with my sponsee to go over his first step." "Who, Shecky Greene?" "So let's get started." "Got your book?" "Yeah, my book." "So here's the deal." "I didn't really get to..." "It's okay." "Just let me see it." "I'm operating on, like, four hours of sleep." "It's fine." "We'll just..." "We'll get it." "We'll get started." "I just..." "I would have liked a little bit more time." "Is this it?" "I didn't get a chance to do what I wanted to do." "So, no." "I'm gonna have a lot more time this week to work on it." "No, man." "This isn't gonna work for me." "No." "What do you want?" "Look, you're wasting my time." "This is a complete waste of my time." "I'm sorry, I can't do this." "I can't work with you." "Take it." "Take the book." "You can't..." "What, are you dropping me?" "I am sorry." "What else..." "What other choice do I have, really?" "I just got a 30-day chip in there, and you're firing me?" " Neil..." " No, that is all sorts of fucked up, man." "Neil, I told you from the beginning that you had to do the work." "You haven't done a single thing in this book." " Try doing my job." " What are you talking about?" " This is bullshit." " Are you out of your mind?" "I need this, okay?" "I need you to sign my court card." " There it is." "That's what this is about?" " That's not what this is about." "Don't worry, Neil." "The chairperson can sign your card." "You don't need me and I don't need this." "The pages are all stuck fucking together." "If it wasn't you, then who?" "Who the fuck brought my book outside?" "Who the fuck left my book outside?" "Who?" "Who?" "Just tell me who." "If it wasn't you, then who?" "Who?" " Who?" "You know what..." " Shut the fuck up!" "Asshole." "What's all this?" "Danny's making us breakfast." "This will be interesting." "I have not seen my son in years." "Can you try not chasing him away?" "Here we go." "Breakfast a la Danny." "Look at this." "It's so fancy." "What's this gonna cost us?" " Nothing." " Okay." "There's some butter there if you want it, Ma." "Thank you." "This is really good." "I tried to get yours back, but..." " Oh, honey." " it's the best I could do." " Will you put it on me?" " Yeah, of course." "So, yeah, I mean, after my stretch, I bounced around a lot." "I worked an oil rig off the Gulf of Mexico, picked spinach in Central Valley, California." " Really?" " Yeah." "Just basically saw the country." "And you've been sober the whole time?" "Yeah." "Just white-knuckling it?" "Yeah, you know, not everybody needs to go with AA, Dad." "Is that right?" "Yeah, some people don't need a group to lean on." "Some people can do it on their own." "Hasn't been my experience." " You want more coffee?" " Yes, please." "What?" "Hey." " Hello." " Hello." "If I knew we were gonna be racing, I would have worn my Livestrong bracelet." "You know, this actually might be a good time to tell you that I had breast cancer five years ago." "Oh, God, really?" "Yeah." " That's a tough break." "I'm sorry." " Yeah, it was." "But it's fine." "I'm fine now, so..." "I'm glad to hear that." "So I see you're perspiring a tad." "I just ran 10K." "Okay, my initial reaction is to say, "Well, I just ran a marathon."" "But I can't tell if you're joking or if you're serious." "I'm as serious as cancer." "Wait, you just ran a 10K?" "I'm training for the New York Triathlon." "Okay, we need a system here, some signs to signify." "So when we're serious, we have to do this." "I love that." "Okay." "Yes, Adam, I'm serious." "I'm training for a triathlon." "Okay." "Okay, you seriously scare/impress me." "Thank you." "And when we're joking, we can do that." "Did you just pay homage to The Sting?" " My God, you're hot." " No, you're hot." "What?" "No, you are." "You're actually very hot." " Thanks." " You're extremely hot." " Let's do this." " Okay." "I'm just getting warmed up here." "I'm ready to go now." "How you doing back there?" "I'm fine." "I'm just drafting." "Okay." "Doctor." " Can I talk to you for a second?" " Sure." "Yeah, you know, I just..." "I really wanted to apologize for all the joking around and stuff that I do around here." "You know, I think it's really, to be honest, like, a defense mechanism." "You know, for all the pressures we have here as doctors." "Thank you." "Thank you, that's good to hear." "I think it's also a..." "I think it's also kind of a product of my childhood." "My mom, God bless her, she's still alive, but, you know, she was really sick a lot when I was growing up." "She had IBS, bad, and the only thing that really made her feel better was when I would make her laugh." "Apology accepted, okay?" "Now if you'll excuse me..." "Wait..." "So I think we can go ahead and untuck that now." "But that's part of my intended ensemble." "Okay." "And then I'll tuck it back in." "Nice re-tucking." "Would you care for a little GU?" "Goo?" "I'm new to goo." "I..." "Oh, dear." "You kind of got some on your face there." " Did I get it?" " Lower." "Lower." " It's still there?" " Nope." "It's on your chin." "My Shin?" "It's on your chin." "My chin." "Which one?" "Just..." "Right..." " That..." " Right there." " I think I need a drink." " I think I need one, too." "Wait, you're not an alcoholic, are you?" " No." "Why?" " Okay." "No, because my last boyfriend was an alcoholic, and I promised myself I'd never date an addict again." "Well, I'm not an alcoholic." "Great." "So my son got really upset the other day 'cause I told him he had to stop playing and do his homework." "And I understand how he feels, but I couldn't say to him, like, you know, "Don't you think" ""I'd rather be alone with ajar of blow and a couple of transsexual hookers?"" "Not that he would know..." "I mean, he doesn't know what the word "jar" means, but..." "Neil." "Hey." "Neil." "Sex addict." " Hi, Neil." " Hi, Neil." "Hey." "I dreamed of being a doctor since I was 10 years old." "It all started with ER." "I knew I could never be George Clooney, but Anthony Edwards..." "Bald, glasses, saving lives like a superhero, that I could do." "So I worked nonstop for many years with no social life, and I finally did it." "I became a doctor." "I was really good at it, too." "Until I got fired yesterday for filming up my boss' skirt." "I told her it was for a documentary called What the Ground Sees." "Oddly enough, she didn't buy it." "Stop fucking around, asshole!" "It's not funny anymore, is it?" "Nope." "I've been lying about my day count this entire time." "I've never actually even gotten one day." "I can't lie anymore." "Not to you, not to myself." "So from now on, no more bullshit." "Just the truth." "And the truth is..." "I'm out of control." "I'm scared." "And I need help." "I need help." "Okay, Neil, if we're gonna do this again, then you gotta give me 150%." "Okay." "And since you're not working, you have to do a 90 in 90." " What is that?" " Ninety meetings in 90 days." "Okay." " Call me every day." " Fine." "You pray every day." " I'm kind of an atheist." " All right." "Okay!" "All right, fine." "Dude, I'll do whatever I gotta do." "Listen to me." "Higher power doesn't have to be some old dude with a beard in the sky, okay?" "It just has to be something that's bigger than you." "I'm pretty big." " And no more lame jokes, all right?" " Okay." " Stop that shit." " Okay." "No subway, no Internet." " Are you fucking serious, dude?" " I am serious, are you?" "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." " No." "No worries." " Not a problem." " I can..." "I'll talk to you later." " We'll talk and I'll..." "You can call me." " That was a stupid share, dude." " Thanks." "I love when people just bring it." "It was..." "You were, like, an open wound out there." "It was..." "Your guts were flopping out all over the place." "Thanks." " That was some inspiring shit, yo." " Yeah." "I'm Dede." " I know who you are." " Can I get your number?" "My sponsor told me to get numbers, but I'm not good at that reaching out shit." "It's..." " You ready?" " Yeah." "Okay." " 6-4-6." " Okay." " 5-5-5." " Yeah." "Zero-uno-cuatro-niner." "646-555-0149." "Dude, you're a doorbell." "Ding dong." " I'm gonna call you." " I'm gonna friggin' answer." "How's it going with the girl?" " Good." "We had our first date." " Nice." "Is she a friend of Bill?" "No, she's a civilian." "She's great, she's funny, she's smart." "And you're a shallow prick, so she must be gorgeous." "No, man, at this point in my sobriety, I don't even notice the externals of a woman." "Yeah, fuck you, Deepak." "I'm just focused right in on her heart and soul." " Yeah, right." " I swear." "Yeah." "You know if it keeps going well, you got to tell her, right?" " Yeah." " Full disclosure." "I'm a little worried about that." "Well, worry is just a meditation on shit." "Good morning." "Morning." "So..." "What the fuck, Danny?" "Building you guys a koi pond." "Koi pond?" "Yeah." "Thought it would go good with the whole, you know, Zen vibe you guys got going on." "Just curious, you ever think about running the idea by someone first?" "Like, I don't know, maybe the guy who owns the backyard?" "Well, you know, I wanted it to be a surprise." "It is." " So fish go in there?" " Yeah." " You know, koi, those big orange carp." " I know what koi are." "So what happens in the winter when they freeze their little koi nuts off?" "No, look, I built one for a guy in Michigan." "You just poke a hole in the ice." "It's no problem." "You sure about that?" "Trust me." "You're gonna love it, Dad." "God." "Yeah, can I get someone to remove this television from my room, please?" "No, it's not broken." "I just don't want it here." "Thanks." "Here you go." " Did you block the..." " Yeah, boss." "You're all good." "You're blocked." "So you want to go get dinner?" "No, I've got to make a call." "Nice flourish." "Wait, what are you eating?" "Just a little healthy plate of veggies." " Hold up your plate again." " What?" "I just want to see something." "Look at your cute little plate with your vegetables all segregated and such." "Yeah, I just don't think that foods of different color should mix." "Hey, I hear you." "Separate but equal." "Plessy v. Ferguson." "God, I really like you." "And I don't like anybody." "I know, right?" "I hate everyone except for you." "Me, too." "I thought about you fast night." "Yeah?" "Actually, I thought about you three times." "Have you ever "thought" about me?" "Hold on a second." "Yeah." "Hey, come on in." "I unplugged it already." "Okay." "Sorry about that." "Where did we leave off?" "Are they taking the TV out of your room?" "What?" "What are you, Amish?" "Yes, and I was hoping to escort you to a barn raising upon my return." "Oh, my God, seriously, why are they taking the TV out of your room?" "I just can't have it in my room." "And why not?" "You..." "You know when you don't have control over something?" "No." "I have control over everything in my life." "I'm kidding." "I'm sorry." "Go ahead." "Well..." "I just..." "I can't have any distractions on these business trips." "Like me?" "No." "Like TV." "Hey, what's going on?" "Owner said my seams suck." "Been sanding this shit for two days." "Welcome to residential construction." "Hey, I'm not complaining though." "I mean, I know you're taking a flyer on me and all." "No, seriously, I just want to say how much I appreciate what you're doing for me." "Hey." "United, we stand." "Divided, we stagger." " It's just that..." " Hey, hey, hey." "Ever since I put the liquor down, the slightest thing makes me start crying like a little bitch." "I get these feelings coming up inside of me, you know?" "Feelings are like children." "You don't want them driving the car, but you don't want to stuff them in the trunk, either." "Where do you get this shit?" "Meetings." "Lots and lots and lots of meetings." " Hey, Mom." "I'm kind of busy right now." " That's funny." "I wasn't too busy to give birth to you 28 years ago." "I'm sorry." "How are you?" "So Judy Berger's son, Howard, is doing his premed at Tufts, and he's thinking about going into emergency medicine." "So I told her that you would take him around one day next week, show him the ropes." " No!" "I can't." " Why not?" "We're gearing up for our yearly reviews." "It's just a really bad time." " Yeah, but I promised her." "I promised her." " Hang on, Mom." " What?" "Code blue?" " She's counting on..." "Get him into trauma room three stat!" "I'll be right there!" "I gotta go, Mom!" "Hold on." "Hey, Neil." "Where have you been, man?" "Dude, I'm losing it." "What's happening?" "Everything in this goddamn city makes me want to act out." " Get to a meeting." " Yeah, I am, I am." "I'm going right now." "Good." "Neil, how are you getting there?" "That's good." "Good to see you, brother." "It's looking good." "Can I get you some iced tea?" "Hungry?" "Yeah." "Tea sounds good." "David, what's up?" "Oh, shit." "All right." "Well, don't get into it with him." "I'll be right there." "All right." "I'm sorry." "Okay." "Guy on the job just slipped." "I gotta go." "Come on, you guys are having fun." "Stay and finish." "It's all right, Ma." "If he's gotta go, he's gotta go." "He doesn't have to go." "He wants to go." "Don't make a thing of this, okay?" "The guy's having a nervous breakdown." "You wanna go with me?" "Chuck!" "Put this down." "Put that down!" "Put that down!" "Thinks he can talk to me like that?" "Fuck you!" "David, I'm sorry." "He's off the job." "This is coming out of my pocket." "Yeah, no shit it will." " You got a new window now, bitch!" " Okay." "All right." " Fuck you!" " Give me a hand here?" "Look at me!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Hey." "Look at me." "We're gonna go now." "You okay to go?" "You okay to go?" "Yeah." "All right, come on." "We're not gonna do anything stupid." "We're gonna walk out of here, okay?" "Yeah." "All right?" "Look at me." "We're gonna do this, all right?" "Now he's all right?" "Yeah." "Sorry I've been a shitty son, Dad." "Sorry for all the lying and the stealing..." "The worry and all the bullshit." "I don't..." "I don't want to disappoint you anymore, Pop." "I want you to be proud of me." "Hey." "Jesus, you're beautiful." "What time is our reservation?" "About a half an hour." "Plenty of time." "Yes, my tits are fake." "That's what happens when your real ones try to kill you." "Is that what they mean by a booby prize?" "I have been wanting to do that since the bug party." "Oh, God." "Me, too." "I'm really sorry for my brevity." " It's just been a really long time for me." " Yeah, right." "A gorgeous, single hetero with a job in Manhattan?" "No, I'm serious." "It's been really long." "Hey." "Will you go with me?" "Where?" "You know, like, exclusively?" "You and me?" "Yeah." "Totally." " Really?" " Yeah." "That's awesome." "No, our reservation." "It's fine." "We still have, like, 28 minutes." "Hey." "Is that a sobriety medallion?" "Yeah." "I had been in recovery for five years." "For what?" "Sex addiction." "What?" "I'm sorry." "I know I should have told you." "I've been meaning to tell you for a long time." "Is that even a thing?" "Is that like..." "Isn't that something that guys just say as an excuse when they get caught cheating?" "No." "No." "It's not an excuse, it's a disease." "I don't understand why you didn't just tell me." "I don't understand." "I told you right away that I had had cancer." " Why didn't you tell me?" " it's different." "There's a stigma." "There's no stigma to cancer?" "Cancer gets you sympathy." "My thing gets you judgment." "Okay, do you remember when on our first date, when you said to me that you couldn't date another addict and you wouldn't date another addict?" "So there I am, I'm having a great time with a woman that I really like, and I'm thinking, "Fuck!" ""I don't want this to be over before it even gets to be started."" "Phoebe, I'm sorry." "I should have told you sooner." "I know I should have." "But I'm telling you now, and I promise you from now on, it'll be full disclosure, okay?" "I just..." "I need some time to just think about all this." "Okay, I understand." "Just get a pen, douchebag." "Just get a fucking pen and a piece of paper." "Get a pen." " Get a pen." " This guy..." "Hey, pal!" "Take it inside, will you?" "We're trying to meditate here." " Yeah?" "Fuck you!" " What'd you say?" "Why don't you come over the fence?" "I'll shove that fucking thing up your ass!" "Take it inside!" "What?" "I was just remembering how when you were a kid, you used to love to wrestle me." "Yeah." "Cute little honey badger hanging on my leg." "You used to pin me in, like, one move every damn time." "Yeah, I could probably still do that." "Maybe..." "I don't know, maybe take me two, three moves." " Yeah?" "You think so?" "Two or three?" " You know, I'm..." " Well, I'm getting old." "So..." " Yeah." " I can't do the one anymore." " Yeah, all right." "You motherfucker!" "Shit!" "You're big!" "Shit." " You okay?" " Fuck." " You all right?" " My God." "One!" "Two!" "" "Three!" " All right, all right, all right." "Winner and still champion!" "You fucking sandbagged me." "That's bullshit." "I'm too fast." "I'm too pretty." "All right, that's it." "Round two, let's go." "You're going down, old man." " Come on." " Shit." " You got a phone call." " Yeah." "My sponsee." "Hey, Adam, what's up?" "Let me go somewhere I can talk." "Rain check." "It's just all so fucking complicated, man." "I just..." "I really am feeling like just grabbing a fuck-it bucket and going down in a blaze of glory." " You know what I'm saying?" " Hold on." "Hold on." "Listen, Adam." "If I may, you have a slight tendency to live in the, shall we say, extremes." "Look, life is gonna throw shit at you." "There's gonna be disappointments, betrayals, and I know it hurts like a back alley colonoscopy." "But look, whether it's this girl or the next girl, you need to find someone that accepts the whole you, warts and all." "Listen, I gave Katie Hep C, and she stuck it out with my sorry ass." "You really are a lucky son of a bitch." "You do know that, don't you?" "I do know that." "And I'm grateful for it every day." "And you will be, too." "Yeah, hello?" "Hey, Neil, it's Dede." "I met you the other day at the meeting." " Yeah." "Hey, how..." " Can you talk?" "Is this a bad time?" "No, no." "Now's a good time." "What's going on?" "My sponsor's not calling me back, and I'm freaking the fuck out." "Okay, okay." "Well, what's happening?" "My ex just called." "He wants me to come over." "The guy is a total lying, toxic sack of shit, but I really wanna go fuck him." "Well, you know, that's maybe not good." "That's not good, I think." "So let's just..." "Let's talk this through." "All right, what would happen if you went over there?" "It would be a shit show." "Be specific now." "What would happen?" "I'd get inside and he'd attack me." "Right." "And after that?" "He'd rip my pants off and start eating me out." " Wait." "What?" "What?" " 'Cause that's his thing." "I mean, the guy's, like, a fucking pussy fanatic." "No, after that, skipping ahead." "We'd fuck like animals." "No, I'm talking after all of that, after you finish." "How would you feel?" "You mean, like, emotionally?" "Yes." "I'd be all open and vulnerable and shit, and he'd be a million miles away, back with his family." "And then?" "Then I'd be so depressed, I'd call up my guy." "And?" "And a half hour later, I'm using." " See where this goes?" " Yeah." "Good." "But I want to so bad." "No, Dede, don't." "Where are you?" "Outside his place." " What?" "No!" " I can't help it." "All right." "Listen to me, okay?" "I want you to turn around and go someplace safe." "What's near you?" " I don't know." " Think!" "Okay, fuck!" "The salon where I work is pretty close." "Where is it?" "Tell me!" "Damn, dude." "You just got all Jack Bauer on me." "Seriously?" "You know what?" "Forget it." "I'm just gonna get out here." "Thank you." "How much?" "Yeah." "Here you go." " Hi." "Can I help you?" " Dede." "Where's Dede?" "Do you have an appointment?" "Holy shit, Neil." " I made it." " Are you okay?" " Lester hands paper." " What?" "You seem better." "Trade ya." "Sorry I went all Linda Blair on you." "Here you go." "Thank you." "It's the least I can do." "You saved my ass." "Come on." "I'll give you a shave while you wait." " Can I ask you a question?" " Sure." "So, what are your, like, you know, I don't know..." "What's your big trigger?" "I don't know." "For me, it's, like, when I'm sad, I wanna have sex..." " So if you..." " Or if I'm happy, or tired, or bored." " So pretty much just emotions?" " You get the point." " What about you?" " Me, yeah, you know..." " I'd say my big thing is anxiety." " Yeah, that's a big one." "Yeah, I'm pretty much anxious all the time, so it's just, like..." "Hey." "What are you doing?" "Am I making you anxious?" "No, seriously, what the fuck are you doing?" "Relax." "I'm about to give you the best shave of your life." " Please don't hurt me." " Don't make me laugh." "You got a weapon to my throat." "Why would I do that?" "You know, it's weird, but from the moment you answered, I started to feel better." "Come on." "Don't..." "I'm completely serious." "I swear, it's true." "You know, when you called, I was this close to losing my day count." "Really?" "Sounds like we both had a God shot." "Yeah, you know, the whole higher power thing kind of trips me up a little bit." "I mean, I don't know if I believe it." "You know, my sponsor tells me that it's just gotta be about something bigger than me, but I don't know what that means." "Well, don't over-think it." "It could be anything." "It's, like, service, like coming here right now, helping me." "That's higher power." "You, like, literally transplanted a baby's butt on my face." "That was so solid of you to come all this way for me." "Thank you." "God." "That's right." "I almost forgot." "I have to get home without using the subway." "Why don't you just use my bike?" " No, I can't." " It's okay." "I have another one." "No, I mean, I literally can't." "I'm not a good rider of bikes." " Hey, move your shit, fat girl." " I'm a guy, asshole!" "I'm a fat guy!" "Yield, please." "Who lives like this?" "Hey, sorry." "Hey." "How's it going?" "I'm gonna finish this 90 in 90 if it kills me." "Good." "But just remember, one day at a time." "Biking now?" " Can't forget to tuck in the cuff, man." " Yeah." "Yeah, I know." " That's a nice helmet you got there." " Thank you." "Appreciate it." " What shade of pink is that again?" " I'm gonna get a new one, okay?" " It matches your shirt." " Fuck you, dude." "You're the one who told me I couldn't take the subway anymore, so now I'm out there in the streets, biking for my life like fuckin' Il Postino." "Okay." "I'm sorry." " Why are you riding me?" " I'm sorry." "I'm just..." "I'm going through some stuff right now." "It's fine." "I'm sorry." "I just haven't jerked off in over a week." "You know, I just feel like one giant blue ball right now." "Right." "Yo, two after." "Can we do this?" "Okay, Adam, I'm gonna need, like, some specifics here, so that I can understand." "You really wanna look under that rock?" "I mean, if we're gonna do this, you know, I gotta know." "Oh, God..." "Compulsive masturbation." "Hitting on every girl that I come across." "Lots of one-night stands." "Juggling multiple girlfriends." "Prostitutes?" "Prostitutes, yeah." "I'm sorry." " It's hard for me to picture you like that." " That's it." "That's the disease." "It makes you do things that violate everything that you believe in." "I wanted to stop so badly, I can't tell you, but I couldn't." "I understand." "I just..." "The thing that scares me, if I'm honest, is how do you know you're not gonna fall off the wagon?" "All I can say to you is this." "I have been sober for five years." "It is the most important thing in my life." "And I am not planning to let anything fuck that up." "Okay." "I'm just gonna go in there, pick up my laundry and tell her my truth." "Fuckin' A you are." " Thanks for bookending this with me, Dede." " Thanks for letting me be of service." "Now, go tell Mommy you're a sex addict." " Hi." " Hi, Mom." " Honey." " Hey." "What's..." "Okay." " Why are you so sweaty?" " I rode my bike here." "Can I..." " Since when do you bike?" " Since yesterday..." "Can I come in for a second?" "Can we talk about something?" "Yeah, sure." "But I just need you to change one light bulb first." "I mean, why should I even have this big house if you're never gonna be home?" "Okay, so, Mom, there's something I need to talk to you about." "What's going on back here?" "What?" "All this sweat and schmutz in your tuchus." "What is it?" " It's from the bike seat." " Well, I can't take it." "It's disgusting." "Mom!" "What?" "You're, like, a homeless in these pants." "Okay, can you please just listen to me for one second?" "No." "Take them off." "Just take them off." "Okay, take these off." "I'll wash 'em for you." "Okay, so it was one of those things where you work out, and then you're perspiring, and you take a shower, but not for long enough, apparently." "'Cause I'm giving this presentation, and I was, like, schvitzing like a Russian gangster." "It was..." "What?" "Nothing." "This is nice." " No PDA?" " No." "Yes." "Yes, on the PDA." " Yes?" " Most definitely, yes." "Okay." "Well, what about if I do this?" "Yeah, always." " Really?" " Yeah." "What if I just wanna kind of upgrade it to, like..." " Yeah." " Like a TMJ." "Yeah..." "What if I..." "But what if I go like this?" "Is that..." " Yeah, do that forever." " Really?" "Even when I'm an old, stinking man with claw-like, arthritic claw hands?" "Will you love me then?" "Adam." "You're killing me." "Hey." "Becky." "Yeah, I know." "I remember." "Oh, my God." "It's been years." "How are you?" "Do you still have that great apartment downtown?" "Yep." "Still in the same place." "This is Phoebe." "Hello." " Have you seen his place?" " Yes, I have, and it is great." "Great." "Good." "Good seeing you, Becky." ""Hint, hint, Becky, leave now."" "It's nice to see you, too, Adam." "Here we are." "Make yourself at home." "I'm gonna go change." "Hey, baby." "You want a dance?" "Yeah." "Hey, let's ease..." "Just kiss me, okay?" "You know the rules." "No touching." "Hey." "What's wrong?" "Listen, I..." "This is taking me to places where I've been in the past, where I just don't wanna go right now." "I'm sorry." "It's all right." "I know you..." "I mean, you gotta be careful, I get that." "But, I mean, aren't we allowed to be a little playful?" "Absolutely." "Adam, I am a very sexual person, and I'm gonna need to be able to express that side of myself with you." "And I want you to, believe me." "I just would like to take it a little bit more slowly." "Did Becky go slow?" "Oh, shit!" " Yeah, it's looking good." " Yeah." "Yeah, there it goes." "Finish it up." "Hey, so you really want me there?" "I mean, I can find somewhere else..." "No, I want you to meet Adam." "He's a good guy." "He's got a good head." "He's smart." "Smart?" "Like, I'm gonna need a thesaurus to..." "No, I'm just saying that he's been through some hard times," " and now he's doing great." " Hard times." "And he's bringing his new lady friend over." "You'll like him." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "No, I get it." "Positive role model." "Jesus, Danny, it's just dinner." "Just show up and eat the food." "God, this house is amazing." "I love all the woodwork and stuff." "It's so beautiful." " When was the house built?" " 1898." "I've been renovating it since then." "You've done a really great job." "It's very homey." "It's nice." " We like it." " Thank you." "You know, let's start." "It's, you know, family style." "Here we go." "That's..." "No, that's way too much for me." "Here, babe, let's..." " How much do you want?" " I'll just serve myself, it's fine." "I just..." "What are you, a smurf?" "Here we go." "First off, you could not pay me enough to do a triathlon." "Secondly, and furthermore," "I cannot believe you are voluntarily going to swim in the Hudson fuckin' River." " Mike." " What?" "Honey, she's a big girl." " Sorry about the language." " That's okay." "I accept your fucking apology." "Now you owe me an apology." "Sorry I'm late." "There was an accident on the BQE." " The food was getting cold, so we started." " I'll make you a plate." "That's all right." "Don't worry about it." "I'm not hungry anyway." "So Adam told me that you guys were high school sweethearts." "Yeah." "God, we were stupid." "What?" "I was just thinking about what my life would've been like if I had married my high school sweetheart." "Scary, huh?" "Horror movie scary." "Yeah, Mike and I, we just got lucky." "Lucky's good." "Well, you may be getting lucky." "Adam is a good guy." "Yeah, he is." "Hey." "What's wrong?" "I just think I'm worried about this whole addict thing, you know?" "I mean, I just..." "Do you ever worry that you'll be just humming along, and then he's just gonna veer off back into the darkness?" "In my experience, the only way that I can do this is just to keep the focus on myself." "Meaning?" "Meaning..." "What about my side of the street?" "What are my issues that I have to deal with?" "After all, I picked an addict, that says something." "Yeah, so, I mean, it's pretty much self-sustaining, you know?" "The fish, they do their thing in the water, and that..." "Yeah, and then the phytoplankton eat the fish's waste, and then they create oxygen, which the fish use, so it's, like, a closed loop, right?" "Yeah." "Exactly." "Adam's an environmental wizard." "Is that right?" "You know, I had a cell mate once who thought he was a warlock." "So..." "So nice job on the girl." " I like her a lot." " Yeah." "I really like her." "I think this might have legs." "Hey, listen, if it works out, no one will be happier than me." "And if you don't make me the best man, I will fuck up your wedding." "Mike, you're the best, man." "What are you saying?" "I'm the best man, or I'm, like..." "You're the best..." "Man." "That's not a committal." "You're not committing." " I will fuck up your wedding." " You're the best man." " I will fall into the wedding cake." " You are the best, man." "I will be the one that will not forever hold his peace." "Hey." "You think I could be your best man when you two get married?" "Nothing?" "All right." "A lot of smells going on in here." "You getting that?" "It's like patchouli mixed with BO and hugs." "Hey, Judgie Judgerstein, I'm glad you could make it." "You know, I'm not really a dancer so much as a walker." " You gotta let your spontanuity go." " I don't think that's actually a word." "Relax." "Ecstatic dancing is not about looking good." "It's about getting in touch with your higher power." "You're gonna make me find this higher power even if it kills ya, huh?" "Relax, babe." "Let your inhibitions run wild." "I don't think inhibitions can..." "I like that Phoebe, babe." "And I like her for him." "I think they could make it." "What do you think?" "I'm not so sure." " What are you talking about?" " I don't know." "I'm just not so sure." "Are you kidding me?" "You didn't see how they were looking at each other?" "That's the same kind of look we used to give each other, like, 30 years ago." "Have you seen my pain pills?" "They're not in the cabinet?" "No." "Weird." "I don't fuckin' believe it." "Mike, you don't know that." "Gotta tell you, Mike really liked you." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Believe me, he's a hard sell." "I'm glad I passed the test." "Come on, I didn't mean it like that." "What's the matter?" "Nothing." "I'm just cranky." "I missed my run." "I know that's your drug." "What?" "Nothing." "I know another way to get endorphins going." "God, I'm about to crash." "I have a 7:30 breakfast." "I'll make it up to you, I promise." "You don't have to promise me sex." "Sounds like you had a really good time." "You know, I don't know if I could approve of you grinding up against a bunch of sweaty undulating bodies." "No, no, no, I'm in for the night." "Maybe I could get away for a few minutes tomorrow at lunch." "Sounds like fun." "Okay, good." "Good night." "Hey." "Did I wake you up?" "Who was that?" "Who are you talking to?" "What?" " Who are you on the phone with?" " My sponsee." "Really?" "At 2:00 in the morning?" "Yeah, he was calling to check in." "Can I see your phone?" "Are you serious?" " You don't want me to see your phone?" " No, and I resent you asking me to see it." "Which makes me think that you're hiding something." "You know what, Phoebe?" "This isn't gonna work without a little bit of trust." " Let me see your phone." " No." " Give me your phone." " No." " Just give me your phone." " I'm not letting you..." "Just give me the fuckin' phone." "Happy?" " What's going on with you?" " What's going on with you, Adam?" "What is going on?" "I feel like you're starting to pull away from me." "I mean, am I crazy?" "Yeah, you're right, I know." "So are you gonna talk to me about it?" "Yeah." "I guess, you know..." "For me, for so long, you know, sex was, like, this secretive chase for a fix, right?" "And now, with us, it's really hard for me to connect that to something that's loving and intimate and real." "And it's not you." "What?" " What?" " I just don't..." "I don't know if I can do this." "Why?" "Why not?" "What do you mean?" "We can do it." "We just have to do the work." "Do the work?" "Adam, we just met." "I mean, this is crazy." "We should be in the honeymoon phase." "What do you mean honeymoon?" "Where do you get that from?" "What, did you read that in a book?" "I think that I might..." " What?" " Need someone who's healthier." " Healthier?" " Or not healthier, but..." "No." "Because I'm sick, and you, you're healthy with your compulsive exercising and your crazy fucking food bullshit?" "I think you're a really great guy, Adam." "No, you think that I'm a sick piece of shit." "But don't worry." "You, you're perfect, right?" "What's up?" "Honey, sit down." "What happened?" "Did you take your mom's pain pills?" " Did I what?" " Simple question." "Did you go into our bathroom and steal your mother's pills?" "No." "I told you guys, I'm clean." "Then what happened?" "Did they just sprout wings and fly away?" "Mike, come on." "I'm never gonna be anything but a fuck-up to you, am I?" "Honey, we won't be mad." "Give us the goddamn pills." "What pills?" "You mean the pills she has to take 'cause of what you gave her?" " Those pills?" " You watch your tone." "What tone, huh?" "The tone I learned from you when you used to come into my room at night with your fuckin' Jameson's breath" " and smack me around?" "That tone?" " What are you talking about?" " Right, Ma?" " What are you talking about?" "Say something!" "Yeah, take his side like you always fuckin' did." " Stop talking ancient history!" " That always fuckin' worked." " We're talking about right now." " Good." "Fine." "Right now, I want an apology." " You want an apology?" " Yeah." "You got some fuckin' stones, kid." "Apology for what?" "For accusing me of something I didn't fuckin' do!" " Are you kidding me?" " Yeah, that's not gonna happen." "That's right, 'cause that would mean admitting that you're wrong, wouldn't it?" "Big Mike's never wrong." " What are you talking about?" " I'm talking about you, Mr. 12-Step." "You can go pretend that you're Mr. Recovery to all your sponsees who think you're Jesus fucking Christ." "Guess what, Dad?" "I know the truth about you." "You were a monster then." "You're a goddamn hypocrite now, telling them to go make amends." "You've never even made amends to your own son for all the shit that you did to me, all the shit that you put me through." "Yes, I did, I did." "You did?" "When did you ever make an amends to me?" " When?" "That's right, never." "You never did." "You can start right now." " Dad, say you're sorry to me." " I'm not saying I'm sorry to you." " Say you're sorry to me." " I am not saying I'm sorry to you." " Say you're fucking sorry to me!" " I am not saying I'm sorry to you!" "That's right, 'cause you're a fuckin' coward!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Hey, Mike, it's Adam." "Yeah, I'm in DC for this postal service meeting, and I'm not doing so good, man." "Yeah, it's over with Phoebe." "And I'm having some really dark thoughts here, brother." "So, can you give me a call when you get this, please?" "Okay, thanks, man." "Bye." "Come on, come on." "Hey, Margo." "Hey, it's Adam." "How you doing?" "I'm great." "Hey, listen." "Do you think I could swing by there and grab the computer?" "There's a couple edits I wanna make on the..." "You know what?" "I'm fine." "Let's just..." "We'll bang it out in the morning." "Okay, good night." "Thanks, bye." "Fucking idiot." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Adam?" "Yeah, slow." "Yeah, slow." " Hey." " Hi, baby." "I am so happy to see you." "Thanks for coming." "I was seriously bugging out." "Jesus." "There's more shit than air in here." "Yeah, I know." "You gotta do something about this, dude." "This is not conclusive to your sobriety." " I think you mean conducive." " You got any garbage bags?" "Yes." "Yes, I do." "Hang on." "Dude, explain this to me." "You're trying to stay sober and you still have your porn collection?" "Yeah, I'm really just stashing it up here." "I don't actually watch any of it anymore." " We need to get rid of this." " I know." "No." "We need to get rid of this now." "You okay with this?" "It's like burying an old friend." "Burning porn, My Lord" "Kumbaya" "Really?" "Neil's shit's burning, My Lord" "Okay." "Kumbaya" "How am I gonna jack off now, My Lord?" "Kumbaya" "Oh, Lord, Kumbaya" "You were a little high." "What's wrong?" "I've never been just friends with a guy before." "It's so..." "What?" "Hot." "I love you, big man." "I love you, too, small tattooed woman." "I fucked up." "You always have to be right, don't you, Mike?" " Always." " Really?" "You gonna start this?" "Just get out." "Fuck it." "I'm gonna go." "Danny, come on, call us." "Your mom is worried." "Really?" "Really?" "Hey, it's Adam." "You wanna come by?" "Give me a five scratches." "3 Musketeers bar." "Is that it?" "Yeah." "Let me have..." "A bottle of bourbon, fifth of bourbon." "Yeah." "Hey." "What happened?" "Where is he?" "Katie, breathe." "And then at the last minute, this guy just, like, jumps in front of me and takes my cab." "I go down to the subway." "I'm waiting for the subway for, like, 20 minutes." "I get on, and after two stops, they stop it, and they say it's 'cause of a sick passenger." "Like, how much of a diva do you have to be to stop a whole train?" "The gumption, it's crazy." "I remember this place." "Oh, my God." "I love this rug." "Are you sure you're not gay?" "Pretty sure." "Okay." "Give it a second." " You're so fucking hot." " Thank you." "Time out." "Why don't you make me a drink or something?" "Of course." "I'm sorry." "How rude of me." "What would the lady like?" "The lady would like a glass of red wine if the gentleman has one." "The lady's in luck." "I was so surprised when you called me." "It's been a very long time." "I'm glad you picked up." "So what was the deal with that girl?" "Is she your girlfriend?" "Yeah, that's pretty much over." "Well, I'm glad you called." "Gives me an excuse to wear this brand-new little dress I bought." "I know." "Yeah, I love this dress." "Yeah." "You don't think it's too short?" "Not at all." "Really?" "You don't think it's, like, a little naughty?" "I don't know." "I do." "I don't think I should be allowed to go out like this, right?" "No, you shouldn't." "Go on." "Go change your dress." "But I don't wanna change." "Becky, did you hear me?" "I told you to go change, now." " Or what?" " Becky, I said change your dress." "Fuck you." "I'm not a child anymore." "Hey, this is my house." "You're ruled by my rules." "Daddy, stop it!" "You're hurting me." "Becky, you gonna change your dress?" "No." "You wanna be a big girl?" "Fine." "I'll treat you like a big girl." " No, Daddy!" " Yeah." " What are you doing?" "Stop." " Yeah." "You want me to stop, huh?" "Just say it." "I'll stop." "Go ahead, tell me to stop." "Fuck me." "Yeah." "Okay, now." "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." "Come on, slap me." "I'm not gonna slap you." " Fuckin' slap me." " I said I'm not gonna slap you." "Come on, fuckin' slap me, you fucking pussy." "I'm not into that." "I'm not into that." "Okay?" "Becky." " Fuckin' slap me." "Come on!" " Okay." "Hey, hey, hey." " You know you want to." "Fuckin' slap me!" " Hey, hey." " Come on, fuckin' slap me!" " Hey!" "Fuckin' slap me!" "Come on, fuckin' slap me!" " Listen to me." " Fuckin' slap me!" " Stop it." " Fuckin' slap me!" " Hey, hey." " Fuckin' slap me!" "Stop, stop." "Stop." "Stop." "It's okay." "All right?" " Are you all right?" " I'm fine." " Come on, talk to me." " Don't touch me!" " Hey, I..." " Don't fucking touch me!" "Hey, hey, hey." "Hey." "Jesus Christ." "Becky?" "Hey, Becky." "It's all right." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Get away from me!" "What?" "Becky, hey." "Becky, come on." "Get away from me!" "Open the door, okay?" "Come on." "Come on out of there." "Fuck." "Hey, come on." "Talk to me." "Get away from me!" "Hey, hey, hey." "What are you doing in there?" "What are you doing in there?" "Hey, hey!" "You know what?" "Becky, this isn't funny." "Come on now." "I can't take it." "Mike, I need your help." "Call me ASAP, man, seriously." "Dude, where have you been?" "I've been trying to call you." "Who?" "What girl?" "All right." "Text me your address." "I'm on my way." "No!" "Fuckin' animals!" "You see who did this?" "Fuck!" " Dude." " Hey." "Where is she?" "Right here, in the bathroom." "She's right there on the left." " Hey..." " Becky." "Becky, listen." "My name is Neil." "I'm friends with Adam." "We're worried about you, sweetie." "How about you open the door?" "Becky!" "Hey!" "Becky!" " Adam, move!" " Shit!" " Becky." "Come on." " No." "Talk to me, sweetie." "Come on." "You talk to me here." "Call 9-1-1." "Adam, 9-1-1!" "Yeah, we need an ambulance quick at 135 West 3rd Street, apartment 2B." "Young female, polysubstance overdose." " Did you get that?" "Okay." "Please hurry." " Stay with me, Becky." "Oh, man." "Dude, it's all right." "She's gonna be okay." "Dude, you really are Anthony Edwards." "Fuck that." "I'm George Clooney." "We're looking for our son, Danny Burns." "We've heard he's on the fifth floor." "Baby." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine, Ma." "Are you all right?" "Yeah, I'm..." "Are you in pain?" "No." "They got me on the good stuff." "I didn't even have to steal it." "We know that you didn't take the pills." "Right, Mike?" "Will you tell him?" "Fuckin' hysterical." "First drink or drug in eight months." "I total the car." "I get arrested for DUI." "You must be fuckin' loving this." "Look at you." "What's on your mind, Pop?" "Why don't you tell me?" "Tell me this is what I get for white-knuckling it." "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry." "I'm sorry." "Thanks for meeting me." "It's really good to see you." "Yeah, you, too." "I thought a lot about what happened, and I wanted to clear the air between us." "I just wanna say that I really regret some of the things I said to you that night." "I'm sorry." "I'm not." "It was good." "I..." "You forced me to look at myself." "I needed to hear it." "How'd that go?" "Not so good, yeah." "Turns out, I'm not perfect." "No, but you're pretty fuckin' awesome." "Oh, God." "It's not fair, you know?" "What?" "I still hate everybody but you." "I'm gonna ask you to sit and listen to me for one second." "Things are going to change between us." "From now on, I'm going to be a son." "I should do something for myself to show that I love myself." "Give me the most damaged guy you could find and I was, like, in heaven." "I'm halfway through my ninth step list." "Just did my first wife." "That was fun." "I miss acting out." "I do, I'm serious." "This disease won't let me take a compliment unless it comes from, like, I don't know, a muscley, tattooed Latino man." "My wife would ask where I was, and I would say I was at meetings at work, and I led a double life for a long time." "There are keep-coming-back chips for newcomers and members wishing to reaffirm their commitment to sobriety." "Is anyone celebrating 30 days?" "You're welcome."