"SOMNAMBULANCE" "Autumn 1944" "Eetla..." "My feet are wet." "Up to here." " What?" "I'm wet." "Where are your things?" " Things." "What things?" "Your bag and suitcase and..." "The things you had with you?" "Did you leave them in the boat?" " Where was I supposed to put them." "You told me to do this." " I told you?" "I didn't tell you anything." "I wanted you to get away from here." "Did they give back the gold?" "For the crossing?" " I must take off my skirt." "I'm asking you, did they give you the money back?" " Me, why me?" "It was your gold, you were the one who paid." "I didn't have time to ask for it back, did I?" "They had already pulled out from the shore." "And you jumped into the water?" " Yes I did..." "So now what?" "You going to stay here?" "You want to stay here?" "Why should I go to Sweden?" "Who's waiting for me there?" "You think someone's waiting for you here." " Of course not." "You will see..." "So let me." "Let me see something, come what may." "Why are you shouting?" " You are shouting." "I am not." "I'm speaking very quietly." "I'm cold." "Do you understand." "Put something on then." "Rub yourself dry and go back to the shore." "Take it off, I don't want it." "Father!" "Father!" "They are gone!" "This was the last boat!" "I'm not going anywhere." "This was the last boat." "I don't understand anything any more." "When they come and get you..." "Listen!" "We will escape, I know it." "I dreamed that you and I were going..." "Do you hear me?" "Don't start that again." "And the boat came to meet us, came straight at us." "We ran along the coast, you and I." "We tried to run away, but could not, and it was still coming." "Mother said we shouldn't be afraid, the water is warm..." "We are all going for a swim now." "And she said that all dogs who could not swim are shot dead here..." "And one dog went under, stared at me, like a human being..." "Eyes full of fear." "Those dog's eyes..." "I could not wait for it to drown." "The lapwings screamed like mad..." "Seemed like lapwings but weren't really." "They were ducks but screeched like crows..." "I thought they were lapwings, that lapwings were screaming..." "Mother said of course these are lapwings, it's a time of mourning after all..." "They too were mourning..." "And I wanted to cry but couldn't..." "Wanted to scream with the lapwings, but no voice came, nothing came." "Could not breathe..." "I couldn't breathe, could not and..." "Do you hear me, I was choking," "I just could not stay in that boat..." "Do you hear!" "Eetla." "Open the door and come down." "I'm sure you want to see how they rape me." "Rape me, is this what you want to see?" "They set the house on fire so you could see better." " Eetla!" "I am a female, after all, like mother was." "I heard everything you know." " What was it this time then!" "Mother was screaming." "I only remember, I remember how..." "I felt..." "I felt..." "Eetla!" " Mother screamed..." "I felt like something was growing..." "Sometimes I still feel it growing inside me, growing and growing, growing and growing and growing and growing and..." "Eetla!" " You were there too and saw..." "You saw." "I saw nothing!" " You saw and you heard..." "I didn't hear!" " You are lying!" "I didn't hear!" " You are lying!" "I didn't hear!" " You are lying!" "I didn't hear!" " You are lying!" "You must put on some iodine." " Don't stare." "You are the reason we are sitting here." "Mother wanted to leave back then already." "When?" "In your dream again?" "Dreaming or awake, what's the difference anyway?" "None for you any more, that's for certain." "What happened?" "Where's the horse?" "Where did you leave the horse, tell me!" "Did you go to the village or what?" " The shoe..." "What shoe?" " Mother's shoe." "You're mad..." "Can you speak Estonian?" "Can you?" "Do you hear me..." "Have you got some papers with you or something?" "Tell me!" "Bloody hell!" "Do you remember when uncles came here from Sweden, with their wives..." "You made your strong beer and everybody got drunk and laughed..." "So funny when everybody's dead drunk, isn't it..." "It was mother's last birthday too..." "I remember how she tore white feathers off her hands at night and we watched her pulling all those feathers out of her sleeves." "She was sitting on her bed wearing her wedding dress and she was so beautiful..." "Much more beautiful than on the wedding picture..." "The dress was open at the front so her breasts were quite bare, like she wanted to feed a baby." "You asked why she was sitting there with her breasts showing when there was no-one to feed..." "Mother then started laughing in such a strange way and said it didn't really matter, as it was all a dream anyway and you were too stupid to understand it..." "Then I had to go to the toilet and I saw you all sleeping on the floor of the living room." "You and the uncles and their wives and..." "Only mother was missing." "She had gone upstairs to her room, the door was wide open and she was lying on the bed, stark naked, only with her shoes on." "The shoes the uncles brought from Sweden for her birthday." "I looked at her..." "Mother's skin seemed full of light..." "As if a candle were in her bladder shining through her body." "Like there's a full moon." "Only the glow came from inside mother..." "It was very beautiful, her lying there like that..." "I could not help staring at her..." "And I knew there was nothing I could do..." "I had to look at her, I wanted to look at how she had spread her legs a bit." "Then mother opened her eyes and looked at me as if she had known all along that I was staring at her, and asked if I thought she had pretty shoes on..." "Christ almighty, they're here." "Get out of the way." "Wait!" "When I, when I get pregnant now by a general or two captains, what would people say..." "In Sweden..." "A boat will come for me so I can give birth in Sweden..." "I must dress up for that..." "Father won't come, the lighthouse is all that matters to him..." "Only I have to go..." "But I come back..." "I jump into the water and swim to the shore and father is very angry and wants to know where I left my things, why I left the gold in the boat." "And then he beats my feet all blue..." "He does that to all females who come back..." "That's why no-one returns." "I know that." "I saw them all going." "Going and going..." "Every single one of them..." "And I shouted at them, wanted to know where they thought they were going, straight into the sea..." "And I thought I would never see another human being in my life..." "That I remain alone, a virgin of a woman." "Let's go now." "Quite sensible men these were." "Said nobody will be taken away." "Only active supporters will be punished." "We aren't supporters." "We are the lighthouse keepers..." "They told us to keep watching our lighthouse..." "They won't touch women..." "No raping..." "Rapists will be shot..." "This is what they said, rapists and supporters to be shot." "Eetla!" "Eetla!" "Down!" "Down!" "They burnt the boats..." "They burnt the boats..." "I saw..." "The entire sea was burning..." "I was in the tower at night and saw them shooting." "All the boats burned..." "Didn't you see?" "Give me some light." "Shit..." "Going to run dry." "Must tie it with something." "There's nothing suitable here." "I've got a stocking." "Let me." "Wait!" "You pee on it..." "Then tie it up..." "Pee!" "It doesn't matter who does it..." "Pull hard." "I can't..." "Yes you can..." "You must!" "Stop that cranking." "Come, come here." "Eat up." "Those with the jeep said no-one's allowed to the sea any more." "Can't keep the boats either." "You'd better not look towards the sea at all." "They said if you see something, like someone with a boat, you must tell them..." "So the less you see the better." "One was talking and the others just stood there." "He asked too why I had not left..." "This Juhansen..." "Now we've got this Kasper Juhansen..." "The same doctor mother used to see in that hospital in town..." "How do you know it's Juhansen?" "It's him alright." "I saw his papers..." "The same guy." "It was his leg you bandaged today..." "With mother's stocking..." "Juhansen." "Gone out..." "What the hell!" "So it has!" "I'll shoot the bastard!" "Father!" "What are you doing?" "Wait!" "Wait, you can't, you can't, you can't do this, father!" "You keep away!" "Get off!" "It's the bloody gas!" "Make some light!" "Make some light!" "Do you hear!" "Here!" "And here!" "Because you wanted to rape me!" "Because you slept with my mother!" "Because I wanted to kill you, you bastard!" "Because you wanted yourself..." "You know, I dreamed that..." "Winter" "So what are the voices saying?" "Well, did they say something?" " No." "No point in messing with the radio for your spying." "These are the last batteries." "What spying?" " You know what I mean." "They come and take you to your little wife." "That would be nice, wouldn't it?" " It would be very nice." "Father doesn't want you to smoke here." "Reminds him of mother." "Mother, you see, started smoking when she returned from the hospital, from you." "One cigarette after the other." "Didn't do a thing, just smoked and stared in front of her and warmed her feet." "Father said it was low blood pressure that makes her feet so cold." "The pressure was low because of all that smoking and smoking is from nerves and nerves from low blood pressure." "Mother didn't even listen to what he said." "Sometimes said no wonder your feet were cold if you lived by this dark sea and ate fish..." "She kept saying she wanted dry land where the sun was shining and people drank red wine." "For thirst, and not like here - just communion wine, and that's diluted too." "She then said, I mean mother, that she had dreamed she was at a dried out salt lake, looking for a post office..." "Wanted to send us a letter that she was not coming back here to rot away..." "To gut fish and freeze." "That she could now go where she wanted and she was doing just that." "Father thought it must be a nice place indeed where you had everything you wanted, and perhaps she was going to be bored there..." "Mother said she wouldn't." "Started shaking her head, meaning no, no, no, no." "Father then shut up." "He knew what it meant when she was shaking her head like that." "Mother then shut up too." "Just sat there for a while and then said the only thing she would miss is the crying of the birds..." "She would miss the screaming of the seagulls." "Somnambulance..." "The old man is back." "I write everything down, where I took them and whose things these are." "Only stove-flues left in the village." "They sure know how to stoke a stove." "Burnt down all the houses." "Steal them clean and then set fire to them." "Only privies still standing." "When people come back one day they'll have nothing left and nowhere to stay." "If they come..." "Seven..." "Of course they will..." "This mess won't last until spring." "In autumn you said it won't last until winter." "Winter is not yet over." "Twelve and more." "Did you have a look at the jolly near the boat sheds or do you plan to wait until this will be burnt as well?" " Twelve." "I don't wait for anything." "Maybe someone else here does." "If that person wants the jolly, let him come and talk to me." "I will go myself." " Let him go, he who needs it." "Kasper is not going on his own." "It's dangerous on the shore." "They might be lurking there." " There's nothing to lurk for..." "Not a single boat left." " There's yours." "Not any more." "Where did it get to?" " Wherever." "You leave it well alone, the jolly." "Let him go and look for it himself if he's so desperate." "Where would I go with that trough anyway?" "Seal hunters have taken the jolly across the sea to Finland many a time." "I must get to Sweden." " You can go on to Sweden from there." "From Finland?" "They send you back from there." "Why didn't you remain a doctor?" "You could still have a job and give advice to women." "What advice would I give them?" " Whatever women happen to need." "Mother told me." "Even the cheapest ones who made money sleeping in the barracks and then came to you so you could empty their wombs..." "Even they remembered the doctor's hands." "You remember the faces of these women, don't you?" "I don't..." " But you looked at them?" "I didn't see them in that way..." "What way did you see them then?" "Like a doctor." "Were they all the same down there, you know?" "Yes they were." "And weren't." "Can you remember any of them?" " Some." "Mother..." "She was..." " What was she?" "She was what she was..." "But she was..." "Crazy..." "Crazy about you." "What am I supposed to say to that?" "Nothing." "They were all crazy..." "Your patients, who parted their legs so you could stick your hands between them." "Falco tinnunculus..." "Nicely drawn..." "And correctly too, which is most important." "Kasper had a look at your cow..." "Time to take her to town." "He said if she didn't want the bull now, she never would." "What did you say?" " I said you must take the cow to town." "You are right, so I must." "Maybe tomorrow." "A long way for the animal to walk." "But if there are no bulls closer there's really no choice, is there." "Yes you better go tomorrow." "And if she won't have the bull this time too, sell her for meat and buy new batteries for the radio." "Stuck inside the birds and I can't get them out." "Well, enjoy the food!" "Thanks." "No news from Sweden yet?" " Silence." "It's the jolly then." " Looks like it, yes." "Just mind you don't leave any traces near the lighthouse." "You can have my old skis." "Not the new skis, but the old ones are good enough." "Bless you." "And keep away from the girl." "Wait..." "Lyon." "Strasbourg." "Antwerp." " Antwerp." "Odessa." " Yes." "Then comes Bratislava, Paris, Athens, Istanbul." "Stockholm." " Stop there, let's hear that." "When mother left us and ran off with her officer, she said they were off to Sweden." "So when you meet her there, tell her that Eetla, her daughter, sends her regards, that she's still a virgin..." "Tell her that the soldiers are already eyeing me up..." "How long will I last like that..." "And mind you tell her that" "I didn't let you near me, however much you wanted to have me." "Father thinks you've already had your way with me, he keeps his gun there for you..." "He will shoot you when my belly starts swelling." "I hardly dare eat because of this." "That's why I want you to leave." "Before my patience runs out and you throw yourself at me and bloody my mouth..." "Father will shoot you because of that..." "He cannot stand blood." "That's why you will kill each other." "I even had to shoot the dog because you can't stand blood." "I want to tell you something." "Estland." "You see, when you are going to leave..." "Kvinna." "When you leave and I stay behind alone, then..." "Then..." "Legare." "Ventär." "Nordkappen." "I don't want to." " Shit!" "I can't hear, dammit..." "I don't want to." "I don't want to." "One is sneaking around here already, the mute, with scars on his neck..." "He will take me..." "Against my will, and all the others after him..." "I don't want this, do you hear..." "I don't want..." "I am not to be touched!" "Eetla!" "I'm not to be touched!" " Please!" "Not now!" " Eetla!" "I don't want to!" "Do you hear me!" "What are you thinking of?" "I'm thinking that..." "I can't quite fathom it." "What can't you fathom?" "Doesn't matter, really..." " What doesn't matter?" "What you said..." "What did I say?" "That you are a virgin..." "I'm not..." "Not any more." "It matters very much." " What?" "That I'm no longer a virgin." "You weren't before either." " I was yesterday evening." "No-one touched me before you..." "You didn't feel any pain, did you." "Then he raped me..." "Who?" " That soldier." "The mute one..." "He called me a pretty girl." "Give me." "You know what." "He wrote..." "First on snow, then in the air..." "I read what he wrote." "He had a dog with him." "It wanted to tear me to pieces, but he shut the dog in the car." "Or I would have killed it..." "The dog." "But this was afterwards." "Before I hauled hay on to the cart, in the same loft where you were hiding." "I got so tired and I lay down on the hay and slept at once..." "Like I fainted." "The moment I closed my eyes I saw father coming home with the fish and he told me to gut them." "But they weren't any normal fish..." "They were half animals and half snakes..." "Like the ones living in the mud in caves." "And they scattered around the lighthouse." "Father started shouting at me that I was letting the fish go up to the tower and smear the glass and then boats won't see their way." "But mother said they couldn't anyway." "No-one's coming here any more." "We have been abandoned..." "Let the fish live in the lighthouse..." "Some company at least..." "And she climbed up to the tower together with the fish like a sleepwalker." "Father told me to go after her, or she might fall down and the fish too." "I could not go because the tower was full of fish and I lay down and then a big slimy one came and crawled between my legs." "I screamed for father to come and help me, but the creature, that fish, kept crawling, on and on, and then I could not scream any more because I had no voice - the fish was already in my mouth, had come all through my body," "through my intestines and gullet and I thought it would tear me apart." "But then I must have woken up, shivering with cold, and the strange dog was licking my bare thighs." "What are you staring at?" "Haven't seen it before, or what." "Look then." "You let the soldier rape me and now you stare at me." "Why couldn't you take me yourself?" "You were afraid of my father, afraid of your wife." "She's been sleeping around quite a bit, with Finns and Swedes and who knows who else." "Nobody knows, you don't either and you never will and that serves you right." "What do you want?" "Drink and go away." "D a n c e..." "Get lost." "Dance..." "Dance..." "Let go of me!" "Let go!" "Dance." "Let go..." "Kas..." "Kasper!" "Kasper!" "Hands up!" "Eetla!" "I don't like theatre." "I said I can't stand theatre..." "Father can't either, because it is all lies and deceit and dirty tricks." "Mother was crazy for theatre..." "Imagine that..." "We were in Stockholm, mother and I, in the king's theatre watching that Nora or whatever..." "The one who keeps crying about her old gray underwear." "The hall was small and narrow like in a cinema and the draught blew between your legs up to your thighs..." "As if a door had been left open or a window..." "I wondered whether the king really had no better theatre than this..." "We sat in the first row and the actors shouted and spat in our faces, their own faces all painted and they had wigs too..." "Disgusting..." "And then suddenly mother was on stage..." "On all fours, behind Nora's back..." "I nearly had a fit..." "She said she was Nora's old underwear..." "That she was now an actor in the king's theatre..." "She was up there on the stage, on all fours, breasts hanging like a cow..." "Then she started yelling that she'd forgotten her lines, that she could not manage this part." "She sank down between those plywood chairs and kept howling and everybody stared." "Other women freezing in their folding chairs started howling as well..." "Whores..." "Stockholm whores..." "You wait here, I'll see how wide the gap is." "What's there to see." "There's no end." "When I shout, you shout back." "When you can't hear shouting, fire the gun." "Don't waste the cartridges, fire one at a time." "Larus ridipundus." "Haematopus astralegus." "Where are you!" "Kasper!" "Kasper!" "You bastard!" "Where are you!" "Kasper!" "Kasper!" "Did you see him off?" "He got through then?" "The soldiers came here snooping." "One of them asked after you." "I said you were in town." "The cow's been mated." "Maybe she can be milked now." "Spring" "Gottfrid Ambrosen, lighthouse keeper iz majaka." "Natshalnik told me to wait here." "There's nothing more." "I brought the cow." "She has a calf too but it's not born yet." "Come now, before they have second thoughts." "Wake up, we're home." "Do you hear me..." "Open your eyes..." "Eetla, can you hear?" "Listen to me." "Everything's going to be all right." "You wake up, put on some dry clothes, then we'll go to the beach..." "Count the eggs in the nests and..." "Ring the birds and..." "Listen to me..." "You are listening, aren't you..." "Eetla, wake up..." "Eetla!" "Open your eyes." "Where did mother go?" "Come-come, here's plenty of room." "Tea is getting cold." "And the egg is..." "She has taken her clothes." "There's bread." "No milk." "But I fried fish yesterday." "Do you want some?" "She has taken her red striped stockings..." "The laddered ones." "And her wedding dress." "What is she doing with them now I wonder?" "She gave these clothes to you so you could leave that place." "But I'm not wearing them." " They were left there, in pledge." "Where?" " Where we came from." "Church?" "They wouldn't have let you go otherwise." "Do you know what they did to me?" "Did you hide the gun?" " I did, yes." "And the radio?" " The radio is in the tower." "I heard in the morning that war is over." "Why didn't you say at once that the radio was in the tower." "And I thought mother was up there fiddling with the radio, since her bed is empty." "Kasper could be there too." "With mother..." "What are you doing here?" " Sleeping." "How long can you sleep?" " Let me be." "People sleep at night." "It's none of your business." "Must I sit in the house, behind lock and key, just like mother?" "What was it with mother, tell me!" "I'm telling you nothing." "It's time to forget, anyway." "What if I cannot forget?" "You can, trust me!" " But if I can't..." "If it all comes back to me in sleep!" "Eetla, wake up!" "I am..." "Mother's still here and Kasper too." "See, look!" "The female turns her back towards land, they grab each other's legs with their talons and whirl downwards," "letting go just before reaching the ground." "This is the wedding flight during the mating season..." "Haliaetus albicilla..." "I will take these birds down if you want and drown them or shoot them to pieces..." "All the same to me..." "Just tell me what you would like." "Drown or shoot to pieces." "Shoot myself to pieces too." "Say the word." "You think I'm crazy, off my head, that I don't understand anything." "I am not crazy and I am not a sleepwalker." "You were more crazy yourself, and more of a sleepwalker too." "That's why I am asking you now." "You tell me, mothers are supposed to know." "Mothers do talk with their daughters, don't they." "Even if they are whores." "What am I to do?" "I haven't had..." "How much time has passed, let me think..." "Two months..." "Three months..." "I haven't had a period since the time Kasper left." "Something must be going on, surely." "Or perhaps they seized me and did it..." "I don't know how many there were." "Some did it several times." "Maybe it's them." "Tell me..." "What?" "Can't hear..." "Can't hear..." "It was you who told me..." "You told me..." "When that bird flew at my legs, wings open..." "And I could not move..." "Then you told me to spread my legs." "Kasper wanted..." "And the mute, pretty girl, he said..." "Tell me..." "Talk to me..." "Talk..." "Talk..." "What..." "What..." "What must I..." "What must I do!" "Was it you?" " Was I what?" "Screaming?" "Mother was screaming." "Now, at night?" " Yes." "Screamed in her sleep that the letter had got wet." "What letter?" " How should I know..." "The letter she wrote." "You didn't have a look then?" "I can't remember." "It was so dark in there I could not see." "And this is why you screamed?" " I did not scream, it was mother." "She had climbed into the boat naked, and..." "Kasper was there too." "In the dream?" "Does it matter." " Of course not." "You go to sleep now." "And you leave me alone when I sleep." "Kasper." "It's Kasper." "Are you in bed already?" "I brought you an egg." "You drink it up, then sleep on." "I'm putting it here by the door." "Mind you don't step on it in the dark." "Eetla!" "Eetla!" "Dance..." "I dance" " I dance..." "Wait... wait, I can't..." "I can't..." "Wait..." "Wait... wait, I can't..." "Do you hear me, I can't..." "I can't!" "Where are my birds?" "The ones hanging here..." "They must have flown away." "Where are my birds?" "Where are mother's clothes?" "And gold things and jewellery?" "You were let out in return for those." "For those?" "Let me go?" "I was let go for those." "I want my birds back!" "Why are you shouting?" "I'm not shouting, I am asking you." "Ask mother." "Mother said a long time ago the stuffed birds made her sick..." "Dangling on the string and can't get away..." "And make her sick..." "Get away from here!" "Whores!" "Just go away..." "To the theatre, opera." "Swim or fly like the Dutchman did..." "I can't stand the Dutchman." "Comes through the ice, straight on..." "Comes and pushes and pushes and pushes and keeps pushing and pushing and pushing..." "To split my cunt..." "Yes!" "Cunt!" "I mean cunt..." "You are a whore and won't tell me what to say." "I am me and I say what I want and I go where I want..." "To Stockholm by boat..." "I've got a ticket to the flying Dutchman." "What more do you want?" "That I should stay here?" "Never again!" "Here?" "I've got a ticket to the first row..." "Royal opera..." "I sit right next to the king..." "And you all..." "Stuffed whores, stare at me with envy, because it's my third month..." "And when it gets dark and the music starts up... the overture, then the king will place his hand on my belly and I whisper to him..." "I lean towards him, like that..." "Press my mouth against his ear and say in a very low voice, I say it's my third month now..." "Yes, indeed..." "I didn't dare tell father..." "I did not know what he might do with my child..." "Stuff it and hang it on a string so that there's a place to hide needles in..." "And everything will start again..." "Father!" "Do you hear me!" "Open up!" "Father!" "Open it!" "Do you hear me!" "I am sleeping..." "I can't hear anything..." "Do you hear me!" "Father!" "See, mother, how beautiful it is here..." "Look, mother, look, we are having fireworks!" "Look now!" "We, you and me!" "Look!" "We are having..." "You and me..." "Two whores..." "The north-western coast of Estonia, summer 1945. 30,000 Estonians have escaped to Sweden across the sea." "Thousands more have perished in storms, on cold dark nights." "People flee everywhere, to America and Australia." "Those who stayed at home were arrested and there were mass deportations to Siberia." "There is no family left untouched by the war and fifty years of occupation." "Between 1939 and1949, Estonia lost one fifth of its entire population." "Above the clouds the sun is shining." "From up there the world seems so small." "Close your eyes and you know, the bad is over, only good remains." "Above the clouds the sun is shining." "When the sun is in your heart, then your heart is not small." "Let in all that's good, never remember what is bad." "Then you are the sun, warm and good." "When the sun is in your heart, then your heart is not small." "Let in all that's good, never remember what is bad." "Then you are the sun, warm and good." "You are the sun, warm and good."