"There are people in the world who believe the world is coming to an end." "Those people in the world are us!" "We're your end of the world survival experts!" "You're welcome." "What?" "No, not "fellow-shipping"..." "No, Wynn, not stupid Aliening!" "Take good notes, viewers, 'cause this weeks survival tip is:" "It's the day after tomorrow!" "The world's just ended and been overrun by zombies!" "But, in your possession, you hold the zombie cure!" "The one link could possibly saving all humanity!" "The kid with the antidote blood!" "Kaduche, we gotta go now, man!" "You're right, to the high ground, from there we'll be able to better defend little Johnny and holdout till the scientists arrive!" "No, we gotta go now!" "There's zombies!" "Control the point of attack!" "For us, that's our top of the mountain!" "Kaduche, they're getting closer!" "Not for long!" "We're not gonna have time to setup the climbing gear!" "There's the good thing I already did!" "As survival experts, we normally don't wear climbing gear because we're protecting the future of humanity!" "We're taking extra precautions!" "If you should find yourself in the same situation, you should do the same!" " Uncle Wynn!" " What is it, buddy?" "I need to go to the bathroom." "But we're about to be eaten by zombie hordes!" "But I need to go number two." " There's no time!" " Why not?" "Because we got company, that's why, kid!" "Look around!" "Ah!" "Go!" "Oh, no, the zombie's got climbing gear, too!" "Head shot!" "Stop and kick your legs, Johnny!" "Situation:" "Zombies are about to ingest antidote boy before his blood can be manufactured into a zombie cure!" "You can either be a hero or a victim here!" "Don't be a victim!" "Ahhh!" "What are you doing?" "Not again." "You can't keep breaking in here off hours to make your stupid fantasy videos." "I am this close to firing you." "Survival videos are not dynasty videos, Violet." "They're not stupid." "They're the opposite." "They're freakin' awesome!" "We go Epic Mode in them and everything!" "Uh huh." "You have to believe Epic Mode is a real mode." "If you could just let me show you." "I could show you a world of indescribable sites... of indescribable wonder." "Is that a lyric from Aladdin?" " It's from my heart." " And Aladdin." "Violet, the end of the world can be here any day now." "Listen!" "Can you guys just pretend to be normal for once?" "For a day?" "Please?" "And whoever the kid is... get him down before we open." "And make sure he signs a waiver form." "Uncle Wynn, can I go to the bathroom now?" "I don't know, Johnny, can you?" "May I?" "I've got great news." "We added another YouTube viewer last night." "I just want to be the one who saves her, Wynn." "Just like building our YouTube following, getting Violet to notice us just takes time." "Yeah, time we may not have." "She thinks we're a joke." "I just wish she'd understand the peril of oncoming disaster" " we're all in." " Ugh!" "'Sup, Douche and Bag?" " You guys creeping on Violet?" " No!" "Mm, that's a shame." "More for me." "Oh, yeah, yeah, there you go." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Uh, touch that jug." "Touch it." "Touch it..." "Uh!" "Yeah." "Uh, pinch that cream, girl." "Yeah, you're naughty." "You're torquing it like..." "She's not an object, Bobby!" "Aw, has someone got a crush?" "Ha, ha, ha." "Trust me, Duche, you're never gonna leave fingerprints on a babe like that." "Not even if I was the last man on earth?" "Oh, that's right." "I forgot about your little web series." "So tell me, Duche, what makes you so sure the world's gonna end?" "Rapid climate change, eroding ozone, tectonic plate movement, encrypting meteors, government conspiracies, dead birds, volcanic eruptions, renewed nuclear tension with Russia, the rise of Facebook!" "Kaduche, what does this have to do with defensive driving, which was your assignment?" "This is traffic school for repeat offenders." " What're you talking about?" " Survival, sir, for all of us." "Did you know that according to Oracle..." " The who?" " The Oracle..." "The man who's predicted every major disaster for the last 20 years." "Do you think it's gonna be aliens that blow us up?" "No, aliens are ridiculous." "Will it be global warming's fault?" "No, but I would be prepared for battling zombies." "There's the chances of toxic viruses contaminating..." " All right, sit down!" " But there's another hand up there, sir." " Now!" " Okay." "Guys?" "Guys, I'm here." "Well, look who finally showed up." "Some of us have jobs." "Yeah, and some of us have been monitoring alien landing activity from home." "We've had two new sightings in the last week alone, Wynn." "Identified or unidentified?" ""UN." When are they ever not "UN"?" "I'm freaking out here, homie." "Between that and the Oracle's new video talking about the world ending next week." "Wait!" "What?" "!" "Don't tell me you haven't seen it, nerd!" "I'm paraphrasing extensively here, but basically he implied that in the next few days humans could end up as nothing more than protein parts in some alien nutrient shake." "World... there's not much time." "I am in grave danger." "Broadcasting this is a paradox of safety, but I must inform you that as of... next week... the world is coming to an end." "Gear up, man and women the battle stations." "We have exited the kitty pool and are entering into the ultimate adult swim for survival!" "I'll do my best to stop it." "No promises." "It's started." "I've gotta tell Duche." "Oh, my gosh!" "The world's ending!" "Oh, my gosh!" "The world's ending!" "Children, go inside!" "The world's ending!" "Shut up, Wynn!" "I gotta go faster!" "I gotta go faster!" "I gotta go Epic!" "Come on, Wynn, go Epic!" "Yahhh!" "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" "A yield sign does not mean the other driver yields." "It means that you yield." "Is someone trying to break into traffic school?" " That's a first." " Breaking in?" "To traffic school?" "Terrorists." "No!" "Everybody down!" "I said, "Everybody down!" We could have a shooter!" "Quantify your surroundings!" " What's happening?" " Quantify your surroundings!" "I'll tell you what's happening, any number of things." "That's not very specific." "Do you know that most domestic terrorists are disgruntle former students or employees out for blood?" "Take no chances." "When I say "when" pull this trigger." "Do you know how to use that?" "You're a student, time to learn." " Wynn?" " I got here as fast as I could, Duche!" "Denise, no, it's cool!" "What's wrong?" " It's here." " It?" "Yeah, it." "You mean, the end of the world?" " What do we do, Kaduche?" " No, no, no, it's too soon." "Denise, my piece!" "Dorothy, my 'Nade." "Wynn, let's roll!" " Uh." " Whoa." "What just happened?" "We have exited the kitty pool and are entering into the ultimate adult swim for survival." "I'll do my best to stop it." "No promises." "Ahhh!" "Violet!" "I'm not ready yet, Wynn." "It's too soon." "Oh." "There's so much we haven't planned for yet." "There's so much we haven't done with our lives." "It's like seeing Halley's Comet or the Grand Canyon or..." "Rent." "Or constructed my own bunker!" "Or make shops to catch stray animals for protein." "Or stockpile my own drinking water!" "Or master drinking our own urine!" "Or assured that the girl of my dreams survives with me!" "I just wish there was more time before the world ended!" " Duche?" " What?" "Maybe we might be able to stop it." "What're you talking about?" "The Oracle said that..." "No!" "The Oracle said that there are powerful forces at work that he's trying to stop from ending it!" "Maybe we can help him!" "There's no Oracle address listed in the White or Yellow pages and there's nothing on his blogs." " Google Oracle and Location." " Nothing." "Man, no address on his profile, on Facebook," "Twitter or Linkedln." "The guy is like a first series Darth Vader with a double-telescoping light-saber." "He exists... but he's impossible to find." "No, not impossible... just unpleasant." "Hello, Nemesis." "How'd you get past the hall monitor?" "Former BFF's." "They discover going Epic together." "Of course, they had a falling out when Marcus found existentialism." "He condemned Epic Mode as a childish egotistical impulse, while Kaduche, he felt betrayed by Marcus' belittlement of the Epic experience which ultimately led to the demise of their BFF-ship." "Popcorn?" "Do you have a hall pass?" "We took Epic Mode way too far!" "I jumped through a plate glass window and had to get twenty-two stitches." "So, I dove out of a moving car..." "thirty-four stitches!" " You're wasting my time." "What do you want?" "!" " I need help!" "With what, finding your wiener?" "What?" "I'm sorry." "I need your help finding the Oracle." "He is your dad, after all." "He was my dad." "So he's moved on from predicting the floods and super bowls to predicting the end of the world, huh?" "Yeah, Marcus, what I can use." "Where have you been?" "My dad and I, we're not exactly close." "What makes you think in a million years" "I'd ever want to help you?" "Try a million dollars." "Forty-two bucks in here!" "And I'll give you another Hundo if you take us to him." "Can you do it?" "I'll have to check my sources for his whereabouts." " You mean your mom?" " I want gas money, too." "Okay." "He's a great man of vision, your father." "Shh!" "Don't talk." "You've linked up with an enemy you can't entirely trust." "His name is Marcus." "You need to prepare yourself for a journey with this enemy in which your life could be in danger." "Betrayal." "And that leads us to the issue at hand..." "Packing your survival kit." " You'll need the basics." " Plus some..." " Survival bag." " Survival kit." " Gas mask." " Chainsaw." " Cool guns." " Rubber Mallet." " Cooler guns." " Caulking gun." " Whip with bomb." " Compound bow." " Toiletry kit." " Arrow for compound bow." " Another arrow." " Binoculars." " Blow dart gun." " Blower." " Rubber glove." " Sword." "This... thing..." "that... pinches... stuff." " Grenade." " Head baby powder." " Led cutter." " SPF." " Eye protection." " Propane tank." "Mini portable propane tank." "I'm going to!" "Let me talk!" "I know he owes me, okay?" "I have a plan!" "Stop nagging!" "Okay." "Okay, I love you, too, Mom." "Bye." "This isn't Southwest Airlines." "Did you bring the smoke bombs?" "Yeah, but I had to ditch the chainsaw." "Did you bring the toiletries kit?" "Shh!" " Is that it?" " Yeah." "Well, why aren't you stopping?" "I counted three exterior guards." "What are you saying, that we need to take 'em out?" "My Dad's a recluse, paranoid of everyone." "The only way we're getting to him is by breaking in." "We're?" "So you're coming with us?" "That's right." "Can you handle that?" "Well, can you handle going Epic again?" "Please." "Epic Mode symbolizes a severe weakness..." "Whatever, Phil Jackson." " You ready?" " I was born ready." "And... breach." "Guards outside usually means guards inside." "Being spotted by guards equals 'bad.'" "But smoke bombs equals 'good.'" "Who are you talking to?" "I guess we forgot the video camera." "We'll smoke out the area creating a diversionary cover which will confuse the guards and allow penetration through the objectives rear entry." "That sounds completely unnecessary and overly sexual." "I'll meet you inside." "Okay." "Go, go, go, go!" "Faster, Wynn, faster!" "Mission abort!" "I've gotta abort, man, I can't go any further!" "I'm not gonna abort you!" "Jump!" "Easy on the crotch, man!" "Ugh!" "We're all out of smoke bombs and my leg is stuck out of Epic Mode." "Maybe we should just tell these guys what we're doing here!" "You have a lot of bad ideas, Wynn but that is the worst one, ever!" "Quitting is for quitters!" "We're gonna do this our way!" " I'll figure out a diversion!" " Oh, man!" "Ugh!" "Now, Wynn!" " Ugh!" " Ugh!" "Door!" " Ugh!" " Ugh!" "Gentlemen, this is private property." "Identify yourselves." "Oracle, sir," " my name is Kaduche." " And I'm Wynn." "No, no, Wynn, I'll talk." "I'll talk." "Sir, we're here to help you stop the end of the world." "We're survival experts." "We've seen every disaster film at least twice." "And we've seen your video, and we know that there are powerful forces at work." " But we can go Epic..." " Enough!" "You're in." "I need manpower and there is little time, and the elements trying to end the world are more powerful than my men and I can defeat alone." " Thank you so much!" " But you must swear that you are not with them and that you will not betray me." "Oh, we're not." "We don't even know who them are." "You will... soon enough." " And you...?" " What, help you?" "No." "Son, I know that we have had our differences, but I need you!" "You want help stopping the end of the world, call the police." "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe they're already part of it?" "Marcus, this is not a game... not like one of your eighth grade basketball ones that I missed." "I'm talking about saving the world from annihilation!" "I'm talking about $75,000, Dad!" "Money?" "You want stupid money?" "!" "Here is your stupid money!" "I can give you hundreds of thousands more" " if we survive!" " I don't believe you!" "I've got to have help that I trust, otherwise, we will not have a world left to spend money in!" "Sir, Kaduche and I are willing to work for free." "Shut up, Wynn!" "My minimum... is 200,000." "I'll give you 275." "Welcome to my safe room." "In 1974, I discovered I had a gift." "I could see the future." "For years, I used it aimlessly mostly in OTB's and singles bars..." "Where you met mom." "Alcohol clouds the future." "And then in 1990, an event happened that changed my life forever." "The Vulcan meteor hit." "The first sign the world was in danger." "No." "I stopped drinking." "Suddenly, I had numerous visions." "All of the things that I had foreseen were coming to fruition." "And then, my visions of the end of the world began." " So what do you need us to do?" " How about listening until I'm finished with the whole story, huh?" "Now... what I'm about to tell you is highly classified." "With my visions combined with the reports of government informants indicate that the primary threat against the world... is viral." " The Internet?" " A bodily virus." "A contaminate virus to be exact." "The government created it as an experiment to test the limits of human resiliency." "The strand mutated too rapidly." "When ingested, it now turns its victims..." " into zombies." " Zombies." "So, what's our role, educate the public?" "Educate?" "I've warned my 4 million YouTube subscribers and the hundreds of thousands that have purchased my survival kit." "Then what do you need us to do, sir?" "I want you to steal the virus." "Now unfortunately there are government sectors that want the terrorists to succeed." " The wakes?" " No!" "Yes..." "Well, probably." " Try The Department of Defense." " No way." "What other department had their budgets slashed" " 50 percent." " Oh!" "Well, anyway, they view the contaminate virus as a dainty bug likely to sicken a few thousand people while they raise cries about increase in defense spending." "And while they get their budget coffers realigned." "What they fail to realize is that when the terrorists empty the contaminate virus into the water supply, the western half of the United States will turn into zombies within days followed by the eastern half within a week." "Alaska and Hawaii maybe have a month." "Texas, two months." "Hence keeping this virus out of the dirty hands of the terrorists, is of the utmost importance." "Why not ask your professional goons to steal it?" "Because, believe it or not, the contaminate virus isn't the world's greatest threat." "Sir, your Hummer's ready." "I need you boys now more than ever." "The world needs you." "I won't let you down, sir." "Dad!" "Don't say I never gave you anything." "What...?" "Shotgun!" "Already called it, Wynn." "I can't believe we're really doing this." "Oh, it's so brave and cool." " And heroic." " And idiotic." "We could go to jail for this." "You realize that, right?" "Or we could save the world, Marcus, and everyone in it." "I know." "Rrrrarr!" "Rrrrarr!" "No!" "Situation:" "3 scientists alone in a scientist lab." "They wouldn't stand a chance against terrorists." "Good thing we beat the terrorists to the scientist lab." "Our objective:" "Secure the virus while keeping our profile low" " and the body count lower." " Why are you already Epic?" "Why do you have those white things?" "They're disguises to get us inside the building." "Well, ditch 'em!" "We already have a plan!" "If it involves blowing anything up we're not doing it." " Oh, man." " I hate you!" "After securing entry, we'll move to the building in a linear fashion taking all the scientists hostage!" "No we won't!" "Hostages are the last thing we need to take!" "I'm starting to think you're the last thing we needed to take," " Marcus!" " No real names once inside!" "Ooh, we'll use nicknames." "I'm great at nicknames." "Um, let's see." "Marcus;" "Marco." "Wynn;" "Wendell." "And Duche..." "Tyrone..." "No, no, no, no." "Duche-a-Luche." "Whatever." "Let's just go in." " Marcus?" " What?" "These paint suits are weighing us down!" "Disrobe!" "Yeah, we'll take the two guys hostage first then the female." "Are you sure you can seduce her?" "I found a utility closet." "We can wait there till they go on break then make our move." "That's a terrible idea." "We need to strike when the element of surprise is hot!" " Much safer to wait!" " For who, us or them?" "Actually, Marcus' idea sounds safer for just about everyone." "Oh, sounds can be deceiving." "Don't be a follower, Wendell." " Think for yourself." " Okay." "Good." "Now follow me." "Actually, I've never seen a dead..." " Is someone here?" " Oh, someone's here all right!" "Someone who's come to collect!" "We're gonna play 20 questions, but with only one question!" "Where's the contaminate virus?" " It's over there!" " It's by the virus sign." "It's, uh, okra color or... no... okra..." " Stop!" " Ahh!" "Put that vial back where you found it... gently!" "Do you even know what this virus could do to the world?" "Wipe out the United States in weeks, Texas in two months." "And wouldn't your boss's in the Defense Department like that?" "Yeah, so they can get their precious funding back?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "But I need you to put the virus down and walk away." "Well, put the gun down and we'll walk away." " Deal." " With the virus." "Please don't make me do this." "Please?" "Request... denied!" "You're pinned down with exits blocked and no ammo!" " What do you do?" " What do we do, Duche-a-Luche?" "You said they wouldn't have any guns!" "Yeah, but they don't know we have dynamite!" "I need you to be a decoy runner, Wendell." "What?" "Decoy runners are the kind of runners that get shot!" "Not if you do it right!" "Come on, the world needs you." "Oh, man." "The world owes me one!" "Freeze!" "Ah..." "Duche-a-Luche?" "Oh, please... little Hobbit scientist." "I'm too young to die." "You can either save your best friend or the world." "As much as you don't want to you have to choose the world... always." "Kaduche!" "Vamonos, Wendell!" "Get in the car!" "I'll lay down covering fire!" "Come out, scientists." "No one messes with my best friend." "Just get inside!" "Operation Success." "We've confiscated the virus and just made America safer!" "You ditched me!" "If Marcus hadn't of gone Epic..." " You went Epic?" " Yeah, it was instinctual." "You left Winnie-the-Pooh to die back there, you dummy!" "It was more instinctual to leave Winnie-the-Pooh back there!" "The world was on the line!" " I had to!" " FYI..." "I don't want to be called "Winnie-the-Pooh" anymore." "Oh, great!" "The Po Po!" "We have to find a safe house!" "That's why I'm 50 steps ahead of you, Marcus, fifty-hundred!" "Hey, guys." "Y-you don't think we can become infected just by looking at it, do you?" "Not like hepatitis?" "We just robbed a federal laboratory." "Our Id's have taken over!" "I've gotta poop." "Wynn, I'd like to say I'm sorry." "Well... you can say it." "No, I am saying it." "I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have left you with that woman Dookie Houser back there." "I should've used the dynamite to threaten to blow us all up." "You really mean that, Kaduche?" "I was stressed out in the moment." "Can you forgive me?" "I can once we hug it out." "Oops." "You go hips..." "I'll go nips." "Mm." "Love your Old Spice smell, Duche." "Are these the kind of videos you guys make?" "This is not what it looks like, Violet." "It looks like you were man-hugging." "Oh, well, I guess it is what it looks like." "You have four seconds to explain what you're doing here" " before I call the cops." " Okay, well, it all started..." "Well, do I have time to start from the beginning?" "2.5 seconds." "Violet, what Wynn is trying to say is that we just stole a lethal virus from a science lab in order to safeguard the world from being infected by it when terrorists try to steal it and unleash it upon the public!" "Now, definitely calling the cops." " Violet, don't!" "Listen to me!" " You're both fired, too!" " Violet, look at us!" " Violet, look and listen," " then you'll understand!" " I understand that you're both" " nut Jo..." " Operator: 9-1-1." "Oh, yeah." "Ah-huh." "9-1-1." "Please state your emergency?" "Ooh-la-la." "Is this a prank call?" "Mm-hm-hmm." " Hi." " Hi." "Uh, hi, Marcus, put a shirt on." "Marcus, I'm Violet." "Violet, I'm Marcus." "Thanks for letting us hide out here." "It's a dangerous time for us." " We're wanted men." " Oh, my gosh." "We just stole a lethal virus from a science lab in order to safeguard the world from it when terrorists try to steal it and unleash it upon the public." "That's so brave." "We didn't mean to make you an accomplice." "Maybe it's best if you leave and forget you ever saw us." " But I am seeing you." " Please, for your safety, there's no other option" " but to go." " Unless I come with you." "Ugh!" "He just pooped." "Wait, Violet, are you volunteering to come with us?" "I don't know what I'm doing." "The power to wipe out civilized society contained in the tiniest of drops." "I'll have to admit, your success was unanticipated." "Well, that's not very good, Oracally, on your part then." "That's a made-up word." " I know it is." " Do you?" " I like it as a word." " You would, new girl." "What you've obtained is... life saving." "Also, life destroying." "But life saving in our context." "The world owes you." "Sir, we, uh, couldn't get the nuclear absorption missile." " Oh." " It was the guards issue." "Uh, guys, this is weird." "He does this." "Here, take my hand." " Or mine." " Wrong one." "Who's am I holding?" "I'm not holding any." "Uh, that's not my hand." "Why is no one holding my hand?" "!" "Enough!" "What I am about to say cannot leave this room." "The world is 48 hours away from nuclear annihilation." "Disenfranchised Russian communists have infiltrated the military, plan to hi-jack a nuclear missile to turn against their former country, thus creating a modern day cold war." " It's gonna get chilly." " Our goal:" "Intercept the nuke before the military disguised soviets launch the planet into world war III." "Literally." " Who are you talking to?" " No one." "They do this when they're Epic." "Speaking of Epic Mode, Violet, it's time." "Time for you to experience a whole new world... a whole new fantastic point of view." "Again with the Aladdin?" " Just take my hand." " It seems so stupid." " It's not." " I'm pretty sure it is." "Just interlock your fingers with mine." "Whoa!" " Okay, not so stupid." " I told you!" "Commies!" "What's our strategy, Kaduche?" "Violet, you roll with me." "Wynn, you're stack." " Where's Marcus?" " He probably bailed." "Violet, there's something you need to know about Marcus." "He isn't a world saver for the noble sake of saving humanity like we are." "He's doing it for the money." " How much money?" " 275,000." " So he's rich, too." " The point is, he doesn't even go Epic anymore." "The world's in peril and he could care less..." "Care what, Duche?" "Marcus... again." "What's the plan?" "We set up a perimeter conversionary propane tank..." "Change of plans!" "Go, go, go, go!" "Oh, look at that glory hog." "While he's out there playing patty cake, we'll have to do the real work." " I'm going for the truck." " No!" "We have to wait for Marco to give the signal." " Who is in charge here, Wendell?" " I don't know." "I kinda thought we had an oligarchy type thing going on." "We don't!" "I am!" "Now cover me!" "Whoa!" "There's gotta be like 20 guys out there!" "No, uh, there's just one and he's reloading!" " I'll go!" " Go!" "How did you Reds infiltrate our military?" "You have no idea what you're doing." "Say "Hi" to Stalin for me, Surrogate Federoff!" "Say "Goodnight" to Gorbachev!" "What the heck, Marcus?" "I was gonna..." ""Dear Kaduche, help me!" "I've been kidnapped and I'm being held in this dingy motel."" ""Maybe 'kidnapped' isn't the right word, more like 'adult napped.'" Hurry!" "This is Violet, by the way." "Kaduche, in here." "Please help me." "Violet?" "Kaduche." ""Not here." "I'm outside." "Hurry!"" "[wind whistling" "Violet?" "!" "Where's Violet?" "Oh, now you're conscious." "You have no idea what is was like getting you up here." "And then, things got less Epic." "Oh." "World... there's not much time." "I predict the terrorists will try and steal the... deadly and dangerous nuclear absorption missile for nefarious purposes." "The contaminate virus which I told you about has already been stolen." "The end is drawing nearer." "Resupply your survival kits now before it's too late," " everlastingly too late..." " Sir!" "It's them." " Them them?" " Them them." "Oh, no, no." "Yes, yes." "Go go." "No, don't come back here." "Erase the tape." "No, if it's secure and the missile is safe spend the night there." "We'll meet at my warehouse base tomorrow." "Just keep yourselves unseen, Marcus." "You're in grave danger." "From who?" "So... many... people." "The Russians..." "The Department of Defense." "Uh... unknown threats..." "I'm not giving you a list." "All right?" "Just protect the missile at all costs!" "This is me hanging up." "Bye!" "Those idiots actually succeeded... again." "Who's ready for a new world order?" "I have to talk to you about the dream I had last night." "That's funny, Kaduche, I had a dream, too." "I dreamt that you apologized for shooting me." "That was an accident, okay?" "I'm sorry!" "A gust of wind blew!" " And...?" " And what?" " Come on, man, you know." " What are you talking about?" "Even Marcus said something." "Don't you dare compare me to Marcus." "Did you see that jerk shoot me with that tranquilizer dart?" " No, because you shot me first!" " Oh, apples and oranges, Wynn!" "Apples and oranges!" "But now that you've upset me, apology retracted!" " Where are you going?" " Out!" "But wait!" "I was thinking..." "Ah, here we go." "Are you celebrating shooting me in cold blood?" " Marcus?" " I was thinking about that, 'cause I like to think... what I did was wrong." "We're a team now and" "I wasn't a very team player." " I'm sorry." " Apology rejected!" "Well, wait." "Where're you going?" " Out!" " Well, hold up for me." "I need more ice." "Okay, keep going." "Who knew Epic Mode would be such an adrenaline rush, huh?" "I did." "That's why I always talked about it." "That's true." "So here's a question." "If you've always thought the world was ending, why'd you keep coming into work?" "For a special co-worker." "So Wynn really likes working there?" "How'd you get into saving the world anyway?" "When I was young," "I couldn't even save my own parents... from getting divorced." "Oh." "Violet, can I ask you something?" "Not if it's weird." "How would you interpret a dream you had in which you are trying to save someone you really cared about?" "I'd say it's pretty heroic." "But, then what if your own self appeared" " and shot yourself?" " I don't know." "Maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something." "Or maybe it's something deeper." "Like... maybe that I should tell that person how I feel." "Or that special someone... and me are meant to be together forever." "You never know." "Maybe you and that person are meant to be together." "You have meat in your teeth." "There you are!" "We've got big trouble." "Wynn is gone." "He drank all the margarita mix?" "No, he's gone gone." "Come on!" " Wynn?" " Wynn?" " Wynn!" " Wynn?" "I want details, Marcus!" "When I came out of the bathroom, the door was open and he was gone." " How long were you in there?" " Not long, a couple minutes." " What, going number two again?" " Again?" "Once a day is normal!" "Not when our lives are at stake, Marcus!" "This is all your fault!" "What?" "How?" "You and your frequent bowel movements!" "Guys!" "You don't think that Wynn was..." "Worst case scenario." "Commie terrorists have grabbed Wynn." "Why?" "To be used as a negotiation chip to reclaim the nuke." "We don't know that." "2nd worst case scenario:" "The Department of Defense is after us." "Wynn was the first grab." "Also unconfirmed." "3rd worst case scenario:" "Wynn has been abducted by an unknown threat to face decapitation to send a message for the rest of us." "That should be the first worst case." " I concur." " Let's go!" " Wynnie?" " Wynn!" "Wynn!" "Use words!" "What if they got surveillance on us, Einstein?" "Uh, guys, where's the Hummer?" "Faster!" "Run him over with your vehicle!" "Maybe you can't but I can!" "How do you even know those are the Hummer's tracks?" "If these aren't the Hummer's tracks, why would Wynn leave a breadcrumb trail, huh?" "Huh?" "That's gravel, but still!" "Keep driving', boy!" "So this is where it happened." "Yep." "The Linux unidentified Mothership, landed right here 1980." "For another 20, I'll take you to where the first ship landed." "No!" "Wynn!" "No!" "No!" " Stop..." " Wynn?" "Ugh!" "Don't mess with a ex-ranger!" "Yosemite Parks National Forest Ranger." "You know what to do." "You don't know what to do so I'll tell you." "Hi-jack a missile launch site then setup a remote launch command center." "Wow." "What you did back there was so brave, Kaduche." "What, being stabbed by a hillbilly?" "No." "You risked your own neck to save a friend." "Here..." "Take it off so I can see your wound." "My lairs?" "Uh, no, no, no." "I..." "I mean, I do business first." "You need to disinfect before it's too late." "Will it help you if I take off my shirt, too?" "Absolutely." "Almost there." "Almost there." "Wynn?" "What're you doing here?" "!" " I'm here to help you, man." " I don't even care!" "We're in grave danger." "Ugh!" "Those idiots!" "They could've got the Hummer and the missile stolen, baby!" " Where's Wynn?" " He's spooning you, Duche." "Wynn, I'm sorry." "I thought that dirty man adult napped you." "I'm not talking to you, Kaduche." "Because it hurts your windpipe from being stabbed there?" "Don't answer in case it hurts." "No, because you forgot my..." " Ah!" " Rest, Wynn, re-energize." "What you did was stupid, but we're safe now." "We're safe, right?" "I think we're safest when you're passed out." "Shut your mouth hole, Marcus!" " Can I just say that..." " Shh!" "Until the Oracle arrives... you're not to say or touch anything." " Is there a restroom?" " I have to go, too." " Wynn." " Shh!" "I'm still not talking to you." "How can you be mad at me for trying to save you?" "If anything I should be mad at you!" " At me?" " Yeah, yeah." "You go off unannounced on one" " of your stupid alien tours!" " They're not stupid, Kaduche!" "Of all the terrible times to go, why when we're wanted men, huh?" "Because it's my birthday!" "That's why!" "Happy birthday, man." "Thanks, Curtis." "It is not your birthday." "You just had a birthday last..." "Year!" "How could you forget?" "Even Marcus remembered." "I'm starting to think he was right when he called you an "egoist."" "You know it's like he doesn't even try to care." "And he never listens to any of my ideas." "It's how he's always been and always will be." "He's an egotist." "I will tie my own shoelaces around his wussy neck." "Kaduche, Where are you going?" "I'm gonna take care of some business, Wynn." "No, don't be confrontational." " I shouldn't of said anything." " Neither should've Marcus." "Marcus?" "!" "Marcus, an unnamed source tells me that you're... faking it!" "Dang it!" "Marcus..." "Marcus, you better hope you're not behind this door!" "Lower Mississippi residents." "I foresee great spikes in home burglary occurrences." "Internet safety threats are threats to us all." "The world is coming to an end." "Once again we have multiple reports of zombies overrunning the cities along the coast." "The zombies are reportedly caused by a government manufactured virus, the Contaminate virus, which when consumed as drinking water turn humans into the undead." "Many are sighting that the Oracle... a visionary, known for his accurate YouTube predictions foresaw this and it's a sign the world is coming to an end." "Stay inside, people." "These zombies are highly aggressive." "Do not consume the water!" "If you fear you know someone who's becoming a zombie, decapitate them immediately." "Brain from body separation is the only way to halt the spread of this highly contagious virus." "Uh oh!" "Diane..." "Holy crackballs!" "Come on, boys." "Save me!" "I couldn't do enough to stop it." "It's not your fault." "The government had more contaminate vials that they unleashed." "So many lives will be lost." "But we can't live our lives in the past." "I'm afraid a zombie apocalypse is the least of our worries now." "I doubt that the masses have infected undead are the least..." "Never doubt me, new girl." "I'm sorry." "I'm under tremendous stress." "I had a horrible vision this morning." "What is it, Dad?" "Alien invaders are coming." "Ah!" "I..." "Oh, I'm so happy." "Oh, yeah, I knew..." "Ah!" "Woo-Whoo!" "They'll be landing... and there's a communication bunker here where previously landed aliens have setup a continual looping signal as guidance." "What type of ship did you foresee?" "Uh, it was, uh... big and shiny and, and, and round." "Classic R-4 design." "It's a warship." "They're armed up the butt and extremely dangerous." "I know." "Um, to thwart their ability to land I need you to destroy the communication bunker completely." "The world is on its deathbed this mission is our only hope." "Who's going to lead?" "Go now." "Lead well." "Wynn, I need to talk to you." "Do it." "Wynn, I think the Oracle's making this up." " You would, Kaduche." " No, Wynn, listen to me." "In the back room I saw a crazy draft of some book" " that he's writing." " So what." "I can't believe I'm saying this, but..." "I think the Oracle is a hack." "So you always believe in his always accurate predictions until he mentions aliens and then suddenly you stop believing?" "It's more complicated than that." " I think that..." " No!" "What I think this is is that you can't handle the fact that I've been right about aliens this whole time and that you've always been wrong!" " Listen to me..." " This time you listen to me, Kaduche!" "Aliens are real!" "And they're almost here!" "So get out of the car then get the tinfoil and get back in the car and shut your trap up and then help us blow up the communication bunker before we become protein parts in some alien nutrient shake!" "It's the least you can do, Kaduche." "It's my B-day." "Watch out for zombies." "Let's walk single file like sand people do." "Wynn, is it possible that you could've parked any further away?" "!" "It's starting to get a little creepy, guys." "Don't get the willies, just be careful." "Wynn... something's not right here." "Yeah, you're right, Kaduche." "It's your attitude." "I'll tell you what." "You and Violet lay the charges in the front we'll let the men blow up the back." "Let's go!" "Please tell me everything I saw in that closet with you and Marcus was an accident" " or involuntary." " Our make-out Sesh?" " Don't say it like that!" " It wasn't an accident." "It was magical like Disney at dusk." " Don't say "Disney at dusk."" " What is with you, Kaduche?" "Everything's wrong here!" "We should never have been here!" "You're freaking me out, Kaduche!" "Kaduche, move!" "Come on!" "Three... two... one..." " You set the charge, right?" " Yeah, just the way the Oracle showed me it." " It should've blown up." " No, it shouldn't have." "What's that?" "Freeze scumbags!" "We know who you are and what you're doing!" "Sir, you know we're trying to save the world then?" "The terrorists are trying to end humanity!" "The Oracle told us about the missile and the virus you stole!" "What're they saying?" "Why would the Oracle say that?" "You douche maggots have 30 seconds to surrender!" "It must be a misunderstanding." "It's a misunderstanding on our part." " We've been setup." " What?" "Everything he said was a lie." "No, you're lying, Duche." "We have to fight on." "We have to stop the alien invaders!" " Ten seconds left!" " Okay, if we team up, we can take out both of the cars and then blow up the Alien Bunker for Realzies!" "There are no aliens, Wynn, or love." "It's over." "Time's up!" "Go get 'em, boys!" "Lousy freakin' backstabbing dad!" "How could he?" "How could I have followed you guys?" "I am a good person." "I don't release deadly viruses!" "They'll hang us for this, won't they?" "Lethal injection." "I hate needles." "This just in." "The contaminate virus is spreading at an unprecedented rate." "It's reached Europe, Asia and parts of Texas." "Stay inside, survivors, stay alive!" "Zombies are everywhere!" "They're everywhere!" "Oh, God, no!" "No!" "Kaduche, we need to do something, like get Epic!" "Grab my hand!" " Why aren't you taking it?" "!" " A trillion reasons." " What's there left to say?" " What?" "Everything!" "Violet, I love you." " You love Wynn, though!" " What?" "No." "But, all that dream talk about that special someone!" " You were talking about Wynn!" " I was talking about you, but you are in love with my nemesis!" "My heart and my men betrayed me just like you and the Oracle!" "It's over, Violet." "The world's ended." "So you're just willing to let us die in the disgusting mouths of these road zombies?" "I hate you!" "Kaduche!" "Something's not right!" "Ugh!" "Wynn?" "!" "There's not much time, Duche." " You've gotta save the world, man." " No, I-I can't." " You have to!" " No, Wynn." "It's like my body's paralyzed and doesn't even even want to go Epic anymore." "Your body doesn't have to go Epic!" " What're you talking about?" " It's Epic Mode that got us into this mess in the first place that's why your body's rejecting it!" "There's a world that needs you out there, man, not Epic you who's doing this because you're obsessed with some Violet but the real you." "But what can the real me do?" "A whole butt load of things!" "You can experience a whole new real world... a dazzling place you never knew." "Shinning shimmering splendid." "But, Kaduche, you have to let Epic Kaduche go, Kaduche." "This is real Kaduche this time, Kaduche." "Wynn, where're you going?" "Scenario:" "You can save the world or your best friend." " Who do you save?" " The world..." "No... b-best friend." "Wait." "Is this a trick question?" "I want to say "both!"" "Then save us both, Duche." "Kaduche, wake up!" "They're gonna eat Wynn!" "Yahhh!" "I'm afraid it's too late humanity." "The absorption missiles atoms will darken the skies for years." "I predict the absorption missile being launched tomorrow." "Life will have to start over." "Life will have to start over." "Sir, the absorption missile is ready to launch" " against the world." " Soon the planet will be in literal and figurative darkness and my new world order will be all mine!" "You'll be the undisputed world leader." "I know!" "Oh, no you won't, Oracle!" "Yah... ugh!" "You shouldn't have done that," "Kaduchebag." "Yah!" "Yah!" "Yah!" "Ahh!" "And just think, it's all your fault..." "Kaduchebag!" "We gotta stop the..." "Ahh!" "Ugh!" " Look who's finally up." " Marcus, what's happening?" "Getting attacked by zombies that's what's happening!" " They're overrunning the world!" " Zombies?" " Where are we?" " Survivor Ranch, Kaduche!" "We won't be survivors long if we stay here." " Scientist?" "What're you doing here?" " Me?" "I'm the one who rescued you." "I wouldn't have used my last sonic boomer if I knew it was you who I was saving." "Anyway, we need to go, quickly." " Go where?" " To save the world." "Wynn!" "Kaduche, there's not much time to explain, man." "Something really bad is about to happen that The Oracle's been predicting over the airwaves." "He's about to use the absorption missile to destroy the world so he can create his new world order?" " Yeah, how'd you know?" " I know a lot of things, Wynn, including that I'm sorry for not listening to you enough." "You're my best friend in the world, man, and I'm never gonna forget your B-day again, ever." "I..." "You had me at best friend." "I got this." "More zombies will be here soon." "Kaduche, Wynn, let's go." "You ready to go Epic and fix everything bad that we've done?" "I don't know if I can go Epic anymore, Wynn." "It's just, uh, I had this really cryptic dream..." "Kaduche!" "Zombies are coming for real!" "Just take his freakin' hand!" "Okay." "4-1-1." "The world is on the line and you've got an Oracle to stop!" " His name is The Oracle." " Our mission:" "Take him down before he launches the absorption missile which will destroy the planet." "Thus creating his new world order." "The only weapons you have are bats, his bunker address," " and a fire truck." " We have a fire truck?" " And a zombie cure." "Side mission!" " What, there's a zombie cure?" "Yeah, the intern scientist didn't explain it to you yet?" " You're just an intern?" " Who's developing a cure to save all of humanity." "Here's how it works..." "Theoretically." "When first exposed to the contaminate virus, the human body has a window of roughly twenty seconds in which the virus has yet to take effect." "During that time, if the anti-virus serum is ingested by a freshly infected zombie, their plasma creates an infection barrier." "Once endowed with the cure, a zombie who bites a person with the anti-virus plasma inherits that plasma themselves, thus curing them." "Besides potential side-effects perfectly healthy humans..." "Theoretically." "So why aren't we "theoretically" getting people this cure then?" "One Big Ben size problem." "We're out of clean water." "The serum needs pure H20 to activate which I ran out of before my experiments concluded." "And the only place to get more is the Oracle's bunker." "So if we can get you the clean water, you're sure your zombie cure will work?" "Eight-five percent." "Which is quite good for science." "New scenario." "1." "Get to the Oracle's bunker." "2." "Enter Oracle's bunker." "Hey, zombies!" "Hose it goin'?" "Check." "Three minutes to absorption missile launch commences." "Crap." "Pass around the flashlights." "Shut up, Duche!" "He's gonna hear us!" "Uh, guys, only 180 seconds!" "Probably more like 174 seconds now!" "Yes, just 173 little ticks on the clock hand until the absorption missile launches the planet into crippling darkness." "You're evil, Oracle." "You're sick!" "No, new girl." "People with diarrhea are sick." "I am a genius about to destroy the world so that I will be the only one left to rule it, and in effect become the greatest man whoever lived!" "I even shaved for the occasion." "You're not gonna get away with this, Dad." "Ha, ha, ha, ha, Marcus." "I'm afraid my launch equipment is old, but like my man parts quite operational." "And I'm afraid you and your ragtag friends are too late to stop me." "Then you better think again." "What's that supposed to mean?" "We're here to save the world." "Hah!" "On Opposite Day?" "Man, it's Opposite Day?" "Then we're not here to save the world!" "Ha, ha, ha!" "It's not Opposite Day!" " Bullocks!" " Henchmen!" "Keep them from entering the launch room and ruining this!" "In that order!" "Ugh!" "Who closed the door?" " I'm really sorry, Curtis." " Me too, man." "They're attacking!" "Where are you?" "Come on, henchmen." "Fight me!" "Where are you?" "Violet!" "The tall one!" "He hit you!" "Come on!" "Boo." "What are you?" "A three-legged dog?" "Go faster!" "No!" "No!" "Guys, I did it!" "I created the cure!" "Bad." "No!" "No!" "Kaduche, your body doesn't need to go Epic anymore!" "There's a world that needs you out there, man, not Epic you, but real you!" "You can save your best friend or the world." "Who do you save?" "Both!" "'Bout time you're finally awake." "Finally?" " Where are we?" " Don't ask me." "I'm just a janitor who got amnesia like everybody else." "Anyway, that's life." "Whoa, is that a fire truck?" "Awesome!" "This sucks, Wynn!" "Not only can no one in the world remember the past two weeks because of this amnesia we're experiencing, but now people on line are saying that we were all turned into zombies and it's all the Oracle's fault." " No way!" " Way!" "And even more sucky," "Violet just changed her status to "in a relationship"..." " with Marcus!" " Our nemesis?" "Oh, man, I really wish we could remember what happened, Kaduche." "Ditto." "So you ready?" "Should I bring two propane tanks?" "Always." "Let's get Epic!" "Gotta go Epic!" "Nice hair." "Hey, where's the cereal?" "The cereal's gone." "Ahh!" "Welcome." " You can do it, Johnny." "You can do it." " Come on, Johnny, go!" "Go, Johnny, go!" "Go, Johnny, go, go, go!" "Johnny, be good!" "Neck cut!" "Man, that's so stupid." "I love it." "Neck cutters, I like it." "This is zombie Phil and dynamite." "If you could just let me show you." "When great rain... will cause great floods..." "The earth will change." "Shut your mouth hole, Marcus." "Shut your butt hole, Kaduche." "It's already done..." "All right, let's do one more." "Cut!" " Cut, cut." " Shut your mouth hole." "Here's the plan." "We'll smoke out the area creating a..." "God, sorry dude." "Here's the plan." "We'll smoke out the area creating a... diversionary cover." "This is hard to..." "Here's the plan." "We'll create a smoke cover which will create a diversionary..." " Oh, my gosh." "Guys, I'm sorry" " Go again." "Go again." "Here's the plan." "We'll smoke out the area creating a diversionary..." "Oh, my gosh!" "Dude, we cannot..." "I hate this." "Okay, well..." "We're saving the world and there's this oracle and he sent us to steal the contaminant virus before terrorists can steal it." "And... fetch." "We're saving the world and there's this oracle and he sent us to steal the contaminant virus before terrorists can steal it." "But then..." "fetch." "Here we go." "Okay." "Can I..." "If we can get just one more..." "We'll have to change the lights back around, but a super close up of Violet with his face like..." "'Cos that will be so funny." " Okay" " All right, guys." "Quiet." "Here we go." "I'm rolling." "3, 2, 1, action." "No, no, no but we're not delusional."