"I can't believe you would actually say that." "I would much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr. Salty." "No way." "Mr. Salty is a sailor, all right?" "He's gotta be, like, the toughest snack there is." "I don't know." "You don't wanna mess with corn nuts." "They're crazy." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "You gotta come see this." "There's some creep out there with a telescope." "[RACHEL GASPS]" "I can't believe it." "He's looking right at us." "Oh, that is so sick." "I feel violated." "And not in a good way." "How can people do that?" "[ALL GROANING AND SCOFFING]" "Oh, you guys, look." "Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots." "I'm telling you, years from now, school children will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time." "It was unbelievable." "We could totally be ourselves." "We didn't have to play any games." " So have you called her yet?" " Let her know I like her?" "Are you insane?" "Guys." "It's gross." "It's the next day." "How needy do I wanna seem?" "I'm right." "Right?" " Let her dangle." " Yeah, definitely." "Oh." "I can't believe my parents are pressuring me to find one of you people." "God." "Come on." "Just do it." "Call her." "Stop being so testosterone-y." "Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat." " I got her machine." " Her answering machine?" "No, interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up." "So, um, why didn't you say anything?" "Oh, no, no, no." "Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase, "Yes, indeed-io."" "MONICA:" "Look, it's Rachel and Barry." "No, no, don't everybody look at once." " Okay, okay." "What's going on?" " Okay, they're just talking." "Yeah, well, does he look upset?" "Does he look like he was just told to shove anything?" "No." "No, actually, he's smiling." "Oh, my God." "Don't do that." "What?" "What?" "What?" "That man across the street just kicked that pigeon." "Oh." "And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law." "GROUP:" "Oh." " See?" "Hey, Rach." " Hey." "How'd it go?" "You know, it was, uh..." "It was actually really great." "Took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room." "I had that chicken, you know, where you poke it and butter squirts out." "Not a good day for birds." "And then we took a walk to Bendel's." "And I told him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel." "That's nice." "Now was that before or after you told him to stop calling, stop sending you flowers and to generally leave you alone, huh?" "Right." "Well, we never actually got to that." "Oh, it was just so nice to see him again, you know?" "It was..." "It was comfortable and it was familiar." "It was just nice." "That's "nice" twice." "Rachel, what's going on?" "Isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar?" "Duh." "Where have you been?" "Yeah, but it was different with him today." "He wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, you know?" "I mean, we had fun." "Is there anything wrong with that?" "Yes." " Why?" " I have my reasons." "Okay, how about the fact that he's engaged to another woman who just happens to be your ex-best friend?" "All right." "All right, all right, all right." "I know it's stupid." "I'll go see him this afternoon and I will just put an end to it." "Wow." " Wow." " Ha, ha." "Yeah." "I'm not crazy, right?" "I mean, it was never like that." "No, it wasn't." "Oh." "It was so nice having this little sink here." ""Oh, Danielle, I wasn't expecting the machine." "Give me a call when you get a chance."" "Bye-bye." "Oh, God." "That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?" "Hey, I've been honing." "What was with the dishes?" "Oh, uh, I wanted her to think I might be in a restaurant you know, I might have some kind of life." "Like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the last two hours?" "He's doing it again." "The guy with the telescope." "PHOEBE:" "Oh, my God." "Oh." "Go away." "Stop looking in here!" "Great." "Now he's waving back." "We gotta do something about that guy." "This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment." "It creeps me out." "I feel like I can't do stuff." "What kind of stuff?" "Will you grow up?" "I'm not talking about sexy stuff but, like, when I'm cooking naked." "You cook naked?" "Yeah, toast, oatmeal." "Nothing that spatters." "What are you looking at me for?" "I didn't know that." "What's the matter?" "Oh, I just..." "Oh, Barry, this was not good." "No, it was." "It was very, very good." " What about Mindy?" " Oh, way better than Mindy." "No, not that." "I mean, what about you and Mindy?" "Oh." "If you want, I'll just break it off with her." "No." "No, no, no." "No, don't do that." "Not for me." "BERNICE:" "Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment." "Thanks, Bernice." "Let's go away this weekend." "Oh, Barry." "Come on." "This is all way too..." "No, we can go to Aruba." "When I went there on what would've been our honeymoon it was, uh..." "It was really nice." "You would've liked it." "I had a bra." "Hey, Dr. Farber." "All right, Miss Green, everything looks fine." "Yep, I think we're starting to see some real progress here." " What?" " I'm 12, I'm not stupid." " Can I use your phone?" " Yeah." "Uh, but for future reference, um, that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone." "[PHONE RINGS]" "Yes, it's working." "Why isn't she calling me back?" "Maybe she never got your message." "You know, you could call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps that means she probably didn't get her messages yet." " You don't think that makes me seem...?" " Desperate?" "Needy?" "Pathetic?" "Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad." " How many beeps?" " She answered." "You see, this is where you'd use that "hello" word we talked about." "I'm not going to." "She obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me." "Now I'm needy and snubbed." "God, I miss just being needy." "GROUP:" "Hey." "So how'd he take it?" "Pretty well, actually." "Uh, Rach." "How come you have dental floss in your hair?" "Oh, do I?" "We ended up having sex in his chair." "You had sex in his chair?" "I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?" "You had what?" "Sex in his chair." "What?" "What were you thinking?" "I don't know." "I mean, we still care about each other." "There's a history there." "It's like you and Carol." "No." "No, no." "It's nothing like me and Carol." "Please." "If she said to you, "Ross, I want you on this couch right here, right now," what would you say?" "If it helps I could slide over." "It's a totally different situation." "It's apples and oranges." "It's orthodontists and lesbians..." "I gotta go." " Where are you going?" " I just have to go, all right?" "Do I need a reason, huh?" "I have things to do with my life." "I have a jam-packed schedule." "And I am late for keeping up with it, okay?" "[PHONE RINGING]" "Hello?" "Hello?" "[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]" "Hello?" "Huh." "Mindy." "Hi." "Hey, how are you?" "Yes, yes, I heard." "Congratulations." "That is so great." "Really, oh, God..." "Okay." "Okay, I'm working tomorrow but if you want, you can come by if you'd like." "Okay." "Great." "All right." "So I'll see you tomorrow." "Okay." "Bye." "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "So how's Mindy?" "Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow." "Oh, she sounded really weird." "I gotta call Barry." "Hi, it's me." "I just..." "Ha!" "Mindy." "Mindy." "Hi." "No, I figured that's where you'd be." "[MIMICKING PHONE]" "Hell is filled with people like you." "He's back." "The peeper's back." " Get down." " Get down?" "And boogie." "Thanks, but I gotta go to work and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy." "Relax." "She may not even know." "Please, I haven't heard from her in seven months, and now she calls me." "I mean, what else is it about?" "She was my best friend, you guys." "We went to camp together she taught me how to kiss..." " Yeah?" "Now, you know, I'm, like, the other woman." " Ugh, I feel so..." " Naughty." " I'll see you guys later." " I'll walk out with you." "When she taught you to kiss, you were at camp and were you wearing any kind of little uniform or...?" "That's fine, yeah." "Okay, I'm gonna go the bathroom." "Will you watch my phone?" " Why don't you just take it with you?" " Hey." "We haven't been on a second date." "She needs to hear me pee?" "Why don't you just call her?" "I can't call her." "I left a message." "I have some pride." " Do you?" " No." "Danielle, hi." "Hi, it's Chandler." "I'm fine." "Ahem." "Uh, listen..." "I don't know if you tried to call me because, uh, idiot that I am I accidentally shut off my phone." "Ahem." "Oh, okay." "That's fine." "That's great." "Okay." "She's on the other line." "She's gonna call me back." "She's on the other line, gonna call me back." " Don't you have to pee?" " That's why I'm dancing." " Mindy." " Hey, you." "Hey, you." "So, what's up?" "Um, we should really be sitting for this." "Hmm." "Sure we should." "[SIGHS]" " So..." " Now, I know things have been weird lately." "But you're my oldest friend, except for Laurie Schaefer who I don't talk to anymore because she's bitter that she lost the weight and it turns out, she doesn't have a pretty face." "Okay, I'm gonna just ask you this once, and I want a straight answer." "Okay." "[SIGHS]" "Will you be my maid of honor?" " Of course!" " Oh, that's so great!" "It is!" "It is!" "[BOTH SCREAMING]" " Is that all you wanted to ask?" " That's all." "[BOTH SHOUTING]" "[CRYING]" "What?" "What?" "That's not all." " Oh, sure it is." " Oh, no, it isn't." "No." "I think Barry's seeing someone in the city." "What would make you think that?" "Well, ever since we announced the engagement, he's acted weird." "And then last night, he came home smelling like Chanel." "Really?" "Mindy, if it'll make you feel any better when Barry and I got engaged, he went through a weird thing too." "Oh, God." "You see, that's what I was afraid of." " What?" "What's what you were afraid of?" " Okay, okay." "When Barry was engaged to you, he and I kind of had a little thing on the side." " What?" " I know, I know." "When he proposed to me, everyone said, "Don't do it." "He's gonna do to you what he did to Rachel." And now I feel so stupid." "Ha, ha." "Hmm." "Oh, Mindy." "Oh, you are so stupid." "Oh, we are both so stupid." "What do you mean?" " Smell familiar?" "MINDY:" "Oh, no." "RACHEL:" "Mm-hm." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "Oh, no, me." "I am so sorry." "No, I am sorry." "I'm sorry." "Oh, my." "Four letters, "circle or hoop."" "Ring, damn it, ring." "Thanks." "You know our phone's not working?" "What?" "I tried to call you from the coffee shop." "There was no answer." "I turned it off." "Mother of God, I turned it off." "Just like you told her you did." "Just pointing out the irony." "So listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman." "I got the peeper's name." "Can I use the phone?" "[GRUNTS]" "Can I use your phone?" "Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please." ""Heating device."" "Radiator." "Five letters." ""Rdtor."" "Yeah, is Sidney there?" "Oh, this is?" " Sidney's a woman." " So she's a woman, so what?" "Yeah, yeah, so what?" "Look, I live across the street and I know all about you and your telescope." "And I don't appreciate it, okay?" "Yeah, I can see you right now." "Hello?" "Look, if I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear I shouldn't have to feel like..." "Thank you." "That's not really the point." "The point is, that..." " Mostly free-weights, but occasionally..." " Joey." "Yeah, my neighbor." "Yeah, the brunette." "She said you looked pretty that day in the green dress." "The green dress?" "Really?" "She said you looked like Ingrid Bergman that day." "Heh." "No." "[KNOCKING ON DOOR]" " Hey." " Hey." " You got a second?" " Sure, sure." "Come on in." "Hello, sweetheart." " What you guys doing here?" " Uh, we are here to break up with you." "Both of you?" "We think you're a horrible human being, and bad things should happen to you." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "God, I am so sorry." "I'm an idiot." "I was weak." "I couldn't help myself." "Whatever I did, I only did because I love you so much." "Uh, which one of us are you talking to there, Bar?" "Um..." "Mindy." "Mindy, of course, Mindy." "It was always Mindy." "Even when we were having sex in that chair?" "I swear, look, whatever I was doing, I was always thinking of you." "Oh, please." "During that second time, you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup." "You did it twice?" "Well, the first time didn't really count." "You know, it was Barry." "Oh, right." "Honey, baby, sweetheart, look..." "Just give me another chance, okay?" "We'll start all over again." "We'll go back to Aruba." "What do you say?" "BERNICE [OVER INTERCOM]:" "Dr. Farber, we've got an emergency here." "Jason Castalano's choking on his retainer." "Oh, God." "Uh, I'll be right there, Bernice." "Look, please, please don't go anywhere, okay?" " I'll be right back." " Okay." "Okay, and we'll be here, hating you." "See how he was sweating when he walked out of here?" "If I'm hogging the ball, you jump right in there and take a couple of punches." "Because I'm telling you, this feels great." "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna marry him." "What are you talking about?" "Mindy, the guy is the devil." "He is Satan in a smock." "Look, I know he's not perfect." "[GRUNTS]" "But the truth is, at the end of the day I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber D.D.S." "Oh, God." "I hope you can find some way to be happy for me." "And I hope you'll still be my maid of honor." "And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba." "You okay?" "Yeah." "Really?" "Yeah." "You know, ever since I ran out on Barry at the wedding I have wondered whether I made the right choice." "Oh." "And now I know." "MONICA:" "I'm so glad." "Big day." "All right, I'll give you this:" "Mr. Peanut is a better dresser." "I mean, he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat..." "Did you know he's gay?" "I just wanna clarify this." "Are you outing Mr. Peanut?" " Chandler?" " Danielle, hi." "Everybody, this is Danielle." "Danielle, everybody." "GROUP:" "Hi." " What are you doing here?" " I've been calling you but it turns out I had your number wrong." "And when I finally got the right one from Information, there was no answer." "So I thought I'd just come down here and make sure you were okay." "Oh, uh, I'm okay." "Listen, uh, maybe we could get together later?" "That sounds good." "I'll call you." "Or you call me, whatever." " You know." " Ha, ha." " You got it." "CHANDLER:" "Okay." " Bye, everybody." "GROUP:" "Bye." "Woo-hoo!" "Yeah, there you go." "Second date." "I don't know." "RACHEL:" "You don't know?" "Oh, she seems nice, but that thing about her coming all the way here just to see if I was okay?" "I mean, how needy is that?" "[ALL GROANING]" "[English" " US" " SDH]"