"All right, let's talk about the big news around the world of baseball," " and that is Will Ferrell." " We want to turn now to comedian Will Ferrell." " Will Ferrell." " Will Ferrell is actually gonna suit up and play for 10 different teams." " For how many different teams?" " Is it 10 teams?" "Ferrell plans to play 10 positions while making appearances at five Arizona spring training games." "And he's doing it all to raise awareness for a terrific charity called Cancer for College." "And he was also honoring Campy, a man named Bert Campaneris who 50 years ago played all nine positions in one game." "Everything I'm setting out to do is to establish a legacy over the course of one day." "We are going to be playing in five different games, five different stadiums," "10 different teams." "( bat cracks )" "Is it gonna be easy?" "Yes." "It's about playing the game you love, playing it with intensity and honor and crushing ass." "And by crushing ass it means getting with the ladies." "( music playing )" "Here's what's crazy about this thing I'm about to embark on." " Right." " Is that we're able to tie in our love for the charity with baseball which has been a part of your life from" " As far as I can remember." " Yeah, exactly." " My dream was to be out on that field." " Right." "And that, you know, cancer changed that for me and changed the idea of wanting to give back to a cancer community." " And now we're kind of doing that through baseball." " Yes." "It's pretty cool." "We've awarded a little over $2 million in scholarships to a little over 1,000 kids over the past 22 years." "Without Will's participation in Cancer for College, we would probably have only given out maybe a few hundred scholarships versus several thousand." "I was diagnosed with leukemia when I was six years old." "Jose Guevara:" "My diagnosis was ALL-- acute lymphoblastic leukemia." "I was 28 years old when I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma." "Cancer for College has not only provided me with a chance to go to school financially, but it creates that support system that's so valuable." "It's not giving you something because you had cancer, it's giving you something because you have a future in whatever you want to do." "Pechera:" "When I was selected to receive a scholarship," "I felt like I had a future again." "What I'm about to do, obviously this was something you would have loved to have done, right?" "Absolutely, I would have loved to have been playing on a field." "So you're gonna be living vicariously through me." "Absolutely, yeah." "What do you-- you think I can do it?" "I'm a little worried." "No, actually, I'm a lot worried." "Ferrell:" "This is such a special thing that we're taking on here." "We're bringing attention to the charity Cancer for College." "We're raising awareness about the disease as well as raising money for college scholarships for these kids." "But there's another kind of cancer out there." "And it's the cancer of doubt." "The doubt in my abilities as a baseball player." "I don't know if Will Ferrell has any kind of athletic background." "He's listed as 115 pounds." "He hasn't been 115 pounds since, what, third grade?" "Mike Russell:" "He's a below average runner." "Below average fielder." "Below average hitter." "Sportscaster:" "Do you think he's a prospect?" "He's 47." "He's a little old." "Sportscaster #2:" "No, he's not a prospect." "We expect him to play major league caliber defense." "Man:" "Some guys are out here trying to win jobs, trying to get ready for opening day and win the World Series." "John Madden:" "That's a lack of respect and a respect for what players have to do to get where they are." "We're talking about top-notch athletes." "He's an actor." "The ball's in his court right now." "He's gotta show us what he can do." "( knocking on door )" " Oh, hey." " Hey." " Good morning." " Yeah, good morning." " Let's walk in." " Yeah, come on in." "So... big day today." "Here we are." "We're about to embark on this journey that's been months and years in the making." "No one thought we could do it." "Follow me here." "You know, baseball, it's really one of the great family games, and to have everyone together to experience this day is pretty great." "I don't know who's more excited, myself or my family." "Hey, guys." "You excited?" "Excited for Dad?" "He's about to break a 50-year-old marketing record that's already been broken three times." " What?" "What did you say?" " Yeah." "I'm about to break a 50-year-old marketing record that's been broken three times by three other players." " ( groans )" " Yeah." "Ferrell:" "A lot of energy in this room." "Yeah." "Thanks, guys." "Thanks for the support." "I'm gonna need it all day long, okay?" "If that's any indication what today's gonna be like, we're up for an amazing day." "All right, it's that time." "I'm just gonna load up here." "Grab all my gear." "Look, I have no illusion about the fact that I am a rookie in the strongest sense of the word." "Can't believe this is finally happening, you know?" "I'm a 47-year-old baby." "All right." "( tires squeal )" "Yeah, it's gonna be fun to finally get my locker, put my stuff away, get to know the guys a little bit." "Get to some of that traditional clubhouse grab-ass." "This is what I was put on planet Earth to do-- to play major league baseball." "( exhales )" "Quick question." "Are we 100% on for today?" "Uh, no, we're definitely on." " Oh." " 100%." "Okay." "I was just double-checking." "I just... had a little moment of self-doubt there where it dawned on me what truly is about to happen." "So..." "( chuckles ) but no turning back, right?" " Morning." " I'm in beast mode right now." "I can't talk." "Hey, how's it going?" "Is there a good place I could change?" "Do you know?" "You guys ready for today, huh?" "Ferrell:" "When I walk into a clubhouse," "I walk into that clubhouse with two big satchels filled with honey and vinegar." "Some players may get down on themselves too much and I'll give them some honey." "I'll take Sean's locker, right?" "He's not gonna care." " You got it." " Yeah." "Okay." "Ferrell:" "Other players may be, you know, a little too cocky and they need vinegar." "You work out a lot?" "A coming-together moment-- I will make a very delicious honey vinaigrette." "Not too heavy, just light enough." "It's called salad dressing." "You want to dress the salad." "You don't want to-- it's not called salad drenching." "What's your body fat percentage?" " 9%." "What's yours?" " Nine?" "Yeah." " I'm right around nine." " Right around nine?" " Yeah." "Yeah." " Yeah, I think you are." " What's your bench?" " Bench?" " Yeah." " Uh..." " you mean recently?" " Yeah." "Did about one, one and a quarter." " One and a quarter?" " Yeah." "Yeah, we'll see where you're at." "Anyway, I'm just gonna get my uniform" " just like you guys do." " Yeah, you should." " It's so not a big deal." " Yeah, not a big deal at all." "( crowd chatter )" "When we think of baseball, there's all this hoopla about the home run." " Should I get in there?" " You should get in there right now." "Okay." "But the most exciting play in baseball is the sacrifice bunt." "Just taking that 36-ounce piece of lumber and delicately holding it between your thumb and forefinger and just absorbing the impact of the ball with that piece of wood and just plink, and letting it drop straight down at your feet." "Runner in scoring position." "And then next batter strikes out, end of inning." "But that in itself is a symbol of America's greatness." "The passive bunt." "Reporter:" "Good job." "How'd you feel?" "How do you think I feel?" "I feel like a million bucks." "Ferrell:" "Bert, let me ask you this." "There's a lot of doubters out there whether I can do this or not." "Do you think I can do this?" "Why not?" "Could you give me some tips in Spanish?" "( speaking Spanish )" "Mm-hmm." "And it's tough to get reservations there on a weekend, yeah." "Yeah." "Announcer:" "Good afternoon, everybody, from Mesa, Arizona." "We're at Hohokam Stadium." "And today a little bit different." "Will Ferrell's on the scene." "( cheering )" "Ferrell:" "People who know me, I'm pretty mild-mannered in my day-to-day life." "But that all changes when I step onto the field." "We're in the show." "I'm technically in the show right now." "Semien:" "Any guy in the middle of the diamond is key out there on defense." "Shortstop, you get a lot of action." "You get a chance to move around a lot." "It's like the anchor of the defense." "Announcer:" "Austin Jackson climbing inside the batter's box." "Hey, guys, where do you guys put your wallets?" "Oh." "Announcer:" "Kazmir, a big leg kick and the first pitch of the ball game today comes home and it runs in there for a strike." "Oh!" "I like that a lot." "I like to talk in my glove like this a lot, too." "Okay?" "Yeah?" "Ferrell:" "So I'm playing your position today." "Shortstop." "I don't know if you got the word." " I did hear that." " Okay." "You know, it goes without saying I'm not a professional ballplayer." "Scott." " Semien:" "Yeah." " Ferrell:" "But I could catch fire today." "And you could be on a bus back to Toledo." " Toledo?" " Modesto?" " I think it would be Nashville." " Nashville." "So, I mean, how-- how do you feel-- do you resent me right now in a way?" "Announcer:" "Montero, big rip and a miss." "And the first out of the ball game." "Ferrell:" "That's a sweet one right there." "What if I turn an unassisted triple play today?" "Break that down." "How would that work?" "Announcer:" "One out and one on." "The 0-1 pitch." "Swing and a high chopper to third." "Lawrie gloves it." "Fair ball throw down to second base." "It's picked there by Parrino, who wants to throw to first base, holds on to it." "Will Ferrell is praising the heavens right now that he wasn't involved." "That's a hell of a play." "That's a hell of a play." " That's not me." " Lawrie:" "No, I got that." "That was not-- but over here, too." " Yeah, you look great, though." " Yeah." "You stay-- hey, keep doing that." "Announcer:" "A pause, the wind, and the pitch." "Bloomquist swings and misses." "He's down on three pitches." "And that'll do it for the Mariners." " Nice work." " Will Ferrell survives." "Did not have a ball hit his way and he's getting plenty of high fives as he races back to the dugout." "Great support all the way around, guys." "Ferrell:" "One thing a lot of people don't know about me is I love to high-five." "Any excuse I have to put that arm up and start that momentum..." "I mean, I just love everything from the thought, from the inception of the thought." ""Hey, we're about to high-five."" "Or "I'm gonna force this person to high-five me."" "The satisfying contact of two palms saying hello to each other." "I missed you." "Again." "Again." "No, look." "Look at me." "Look." "Look at each other's elbow." "There you go." "You didn't know about that, right?" "Hey, let's carry this all the way to October." "Nice job, nice job." "What?" "Oh." "Yeah, sure." "I'm happy to talk to him." "Yeah." " Hey, Will." " Hey." " Hey, Billy Beane." "Yeah, thank you." " Nice to see you." " You look great out there." " This has gotta be good news." "I don't think there is a person on planet Earth that I hate more than Billy Beane." "Before you say a word," "I just want to say we've become a family." "And these guys have accepted me with open arms and it feels really good to be here, so I appreciate your support." "Yeah." "He is a bloodsucking liar who hides in his ivory tower in Oakland Memorial Coliseum telling everyone who comes into his office," ""Hey, do you want to watch 'Moneyball'?" "This is a story about me."" "Here's the bad news." "We just traded you to the Mariners." "Hey, it's part of the game." "Ferrell:" "You know, I'll always take the high road." "And that's just the way I live my life." "And I've always lived my life that way." "But he is a first-class asshole and I'm not the only one who feels that way." "Hey, let's be professional about this, Will." "I was being professional, okay?" "The whole time." "Blood, sweat, and tears I gave you guys for over four hours, all right?" "And now this is-- I mean, I know it's a business, but at least-- okay, where do I go?" "Bye, guys." " Enjoyed it." " Sorry, it's a business." "This happens." " Good luck." " All the best to you." " All the best to you in your career." " Good luck to you, man." "You guys will always be family to me, all right?" "Hey, I'll never forget where I came from, okay?" " That's right." "Go get 'em." " Good luck to you." "Thanks, Ricky." "Thanks, Rick." "You know, Billy Beane, he's all about numbers and crap." "He doesn't know about heart." " You know?" " Great job." " Sorry, guys." " Great job." "I feel like I let you down." "Ferrell:" "There's no number to quantify the size of your heart and your will to succeed." "And that's what he needs to understand." "I hope he has a horrible Christmas." "Just for that reason, you know?" "'Cause he's my Grinch." "He'll always be my Grinch." "( applause, cheering )" "I'm gonna miss you guys." "I'm gonna miss you guys." "Man:" "Finally on a real team." " Thank you." " You're welcome." " Appreciate it." "All right." " Welcome to the Mariners." "Man #2:" "Come to the dark side, Will." "I'm playing for Seattle now, okay?" " ( cheering )" " And we love it!" "Announcer:" "So after playing an inning at shortstop for the A's, he gets traded to the Mariners and he takes Robbie Canó's position." "Announcer #2:" "He's got to tuck that shirttail in a little bit." "Announcer #3:" "Yeah, the shirttail's dragging pretty good." "You know what?" "I don't even remember what it was like to play for the A's." "¿Por que, man?" "¿Por que?" "Por que no." " Por que sí." " Por que sí." "You know, I have a very interesting and complicated relationship with Latin players." "I was almost born in the Dominican Republic." "Player:" "Buen trabajo." "Trabajo." "Mucho trabajo." "Ferrell:" "My mother was in labor during a transcontinental flight." "We almost had to touch down in the DR." "Instead, she said, "I think I can hold it."" "And we went all the way to California." "Announcer:" "Swing and a grounder left side." "Backhand play by Marte." "Long throw." "Takes a skip." "Takes Montero off the bag, but how about this?" "Jesús Montero, he picks it and applies the tag." "And that'll do it for the bottom of the second." "What a play." "What a play, guys." " Way to go." " I got bad news for you." " What?" " I thought you played great." " Yeah." " Jack said you just got released." " Are you kidding me?" " Good luck, man." "Okay?" "Sorry about that." "Thanks, guys." "Ferrell:" "It's a little bit of a whirlwind." "I knew getting traded or getting cut would be a possibility, but back-to-back teams right out of the gate?" "Never." "Never in a million years." "I just started to settle in." "The guys on Oakland are a great group of guys." "We were already planning to take team trips together." "We were gonna go to the Grand Canyon during the next off week." "Possibly go do some spa stuff in Sedona." "Then I get to Seattle and we start talking about coffeehouses and Pearl Jam and stuff like that." "You know, really mixing in." "And then they're like, "Sorry, you're gone," too." "It's brutal." "Even though they gave me some gum." "Ferrell:" "The ups and downs, the stress of the game, you got to have a thick skin to do this." "And I don't know if I do." "Once I get out, though, back on the open road," "I take a look at the scenery, the beautiful vistas, the rock formations," "I just see people enjoying desert living, and that's my center." "The desert cactus rose blooming." "The hummingbird lightly dancing on its petals." "The smell of sage and wild chaparral." "Did a lot a sketches of flora and fauna that I'd love to show you if we ever get a moment, you know?" "And also at some point today I'd like to turn you guys on to some very exciting and interesting real estate opportunities." "( tires screech )" "Ferrell:" "The LA Angels of Anaheim." "They are my childhood team." "I grew up in Orange County." "When I walk into that locker room and see my name above an Angels' locker and put that uniform on, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna feel emotional, a great feeling of pride." "I think it's gonna feel like coming home." "Those were the first baseball games I went to as a kid with my dad and my brother." "Getting there four hours before the first pitch, hanging out in the parking lot, negotiating with the scalpers to get tickets 'cause Dad refused to pay retail." "Other great memories." "The sights and the sounds." "Having to bring our own snacks into the game." "We weren't going to pay those dirty concessioners a dime of our own money." "That first exposure to a urinal trough." "Realizing, oh, this is the urinal." "We're all gonna pee at this together." "Looking at a large adult male penis to your left and to your right and just thinking, "I'm in the big time."" "But today I'm not in the big leagues as a nine-year-old boy with a tiny, prepubescent penis." "I'm out there with a big hairy dick and balls swinging wildly." "( applause )" "Come on." "Let's do it." "Let's do it." "Come on, let's go." "Let's go." "Come on." "Quit dicking around." "Let's go, all right?" " You loose?" " I need to stretch out a little bit more." "All right, listen, you replace him." "( cheering )" "Ferrell:" "Mike Scioscia has told me that I'm gonna be replacing Mike Trout in center field, which no one's more surprised about that move than me." "I mean, Mike Trout, last year's American League MVP." "Wow, I'm gonna be replacing him on the roster." "Announcer:" "The pitch." "Come on!" "Announcer:" "It's a two-out RBI double for Trout." "What did he do last year?" "I think he hit .286, .287." "36 home runs." "117..." "( mumbles ) hits or, you know..." "( mumbles ) stolen bases." "( cheering, applause )" "So they're taking you out." "Yeah." "They're taking you out." "Can I borrow your glove and your hat?" "I forgot to..." "Announcer:" "We have a new Angels center fielder." "Will Ferrell is going to take over, at least temporarily for Mike Trout." "( cheering )" "We need to give him a fly ball, see what he's got in him." "Announcer #2:" "Wow, Will Ferrell's not messing around, Terry." "He's looking around, he's saluting the fans, and he's looking to see what the pitcher's doing." "Announcer:" "Here's the 2-2." "A shot into center field." "It's gonna drop in, so Will Ferrell's gonna have to field it out there." "Does a good job." "Fires the ball towards second and holds Castillo to a single." "And he's getting a standing ovation here for making a play out there." "The great thing about maybe playing for the Angels full time," "I mean, one of the perks that I know for a fact the ball players take advantage of constantly is it's a 10-minute walk right across the freeway to Disneyland." "And I can ride the teacups," "Matterhorn, Space Mountain, the Electrical Parade, fireworks show," "Main Street." "( fireworks exploding )" "Have you been down Main Street?" "You know what Walt Disney did?" "He built it in such a way that it's an optical illusion." "So it looks like it's the longest street as you walk into the park, like it takes forever." "But on your departure, he built the buildings so it looks shorter, so you're not as tired when you leave the park." "But let's not-- we're getting off-topic here." "( cheering )" "Well, the life of a journeyman, you always keep a bag packed by the front door 'cause you don't know if you're gonna get traded to Cleveland." "It's a fickle mistress, you know?" "Announcer:" "Will Ferrell is coaching third at the moment." "Flashing signs down there." "Announcer #2:" "Flashing signs with his hands and arms, but also he's got some signs next to him." "Ferrell:" "The Chicago Cubs." "Let's put the hankies away." "Let's take our diapers off and let's play ball." "Stop being cubs." "Let's be bears." "Not the Chicago football Bears, but the Chicago baseball Bears." "♪ He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude ♪" "♪ They said he was ruthless... ♪" "Announcer:" "Have a couple of changes for the Cubs." "They have a new first baseman." "I don't really know how to play first either." "Yeah, it's gonna be tough." "I don't think he knows what he's gonna do." "I think he just kind of ad-libs most of his life as he goes." "Spikes up, cap backwards, cock and balls flying." "Ferrell:" "Another team made a mistake." "It's the fourth time in a row." "♪ Are you with me so far?" "♪" "I'm not a big conspiracy theory guy, but something's going on, you know?" "To get cut by four teams, it's a little weird." "♪ The drop of a name ♪" "♪ They knew all the right people... ♪" "Ferrell:" "As a journeyman, it can be a lonely existence." "But that's the sacrifice you make." "It's just you, your duffel bag, and your camera crew, sound department, your lighting team." "How far are we behind?" "Your hair and makeup team, nutritionist, trainer." "Security team, security detail, advance team that's at the other stadium waiting for you to come, your family." "So you're looking at 40, 50, 60 people." "It's still an island." "♪ Everything all the time ♪" "♪ Life in the fast lane... ♪" "Announcer:" "And now Will Ferrell will take over in left field for the Diamondbacks." "The advice I have for Will Ferrell is to be ready to play." " It's no joke here." " This place has got kettle corn." "I have never seen a player play on a team that had no ability and was a great clubhouse presence." "'Cause we're looking for guys with ability." "Knowledge of desert wildlife is not important." "Maybe I should play him a little this way, huh?" "You think, really?" "Announcer:" "Runner at first, nobody out, and there's a liner into left center." "And it's gonna drop in and it's gonna roll to the track." "And it's 11-1 Cincinnati." "Were those mine?" "Am I supposed to get those?" "( booing )" "Ferrell:" "When you've let the team down, there's no worse feeling." "It's like you woke them up in the middle of the night and said, "Excuse me, I'm about to take a dump on your head."" "Announcer:" "2-1." "Swung on." "Popped up into shallow left." "Ferrell a late break." "Still coming and it drops in for a base hit." "It kind of checks up and rolls to his right." "And now the fans are letting him have it." "♪ They went rushing down that freeway ♪" "♪ Messed around and got lost ♪" "♪ They didn't care, they were just dying to get off... ♪" "You guys don't want to be in that dugout." "It's not good over there." "It's not good." "Announcer:" "Will Ferrell is now with the Cincinnati Reds." "He's replacing third baseman Taylor Sparks." "There's a saying that winning is not everything." "But let's face it, it is." "It's everything." "The air is a little fresher." "The grass smells a little greener." " Anybody want any sunflower seeds?" " I'll take some." "Nothing like going on a win streak." "Nothing like it." "Run it out!" "Run it out!" "Announcer:" "1-1 pitch." "Swung on and a deep drive into left center." "Going back on it is Waldrop and he makes the catch just shy of the track and the inning is over." "I was ready, though." "I was ready to cover." " Whew." "Whew." " Man:" "Good job, Will!" "Hi, buddy." "Hi." " Can I walk with you?" " Come on, let's walk." "Let's walk." "Hi, guys." "Man #2:" "So what do you guys think?" "You guys have been following all day." "You think he's gonna break this record?" "All:" "No." "Ferrell:" "There's so many doubters out there as to whether I can do this." "And I'm deadly serious about the fact that I'm gonna prove all the doubters wrong." "I want to find them individually and I want to destroy them." "But you know what?" "I'm used to a lot of doubters within the family." "It's given me character to persevere." "( fans cheering )" "Announcer:" "Everybody's anticipating with the excitement of Will Ferrell on the way." " Announcer #2:" "Yeah." " Waiting for him to get here." "Announcer #2:" "Almost like everybody's just kind of sitting back, not making a lot of noise." "Announcer:" "Well, they're kind of panicking right now 'cause they're already seeing it's the fifth inning, he's not here, Har." "Ferrell:" "If we fall behind on the day," "I'm gonna have to have some mode of transportation to get us from point A to point B." "( crowd cheering )" "It's not gonna work by car." "We're in a landlocked state." "There's no kind of water taxi." "I got to figure out a way." "Whatever kind of a safe, efficient, practical journey that most ball players use." "You know what we got to do?" "We got to do this." "You're gonna make everyone happy if you sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" with me up here." "When was the last time you got the opportunity to sing in a helicopter?" "I don't think I ever have." "Yeah." " First time for everything?" " First time." " All right." " Yeah." "♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪" "♪ Take me out to the crowd ♪" "♪ Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks... ♪" "Announcer:" "One ball and no strikes." "So we don't know yet when Will Ferrell will be arriving." "♪ ...root, root for the home team ♪" "♪ If they don't win, it's a shame ♪" "♪ For it's one, two, three strikes you're out ♪" "♪ At the old ball game. ♪" " Nice." " Good job." "Good job." "That was definitely a first." "( laughs )" "( crowd cheering )" "Man on P.A.:" "Now batting, in his first major league baseball at bat, number 19, Will Ferrell." "I think when Will goes up there, he better get on." "I mean, we're trying to get on base." "If he has to get hit by a pitch, then he should at least take one in the back just to help the team out." "All hitters need a plan when they go up there." "I mean, the plate is only 17 inches wide, but you got to figure out what side you really want to dominate off the get-go." "Announcer:" "Outside, ball one." "1-0." "Ferrell:" "When I'm faced with a clutch situation," "I live for those moments." "The most pressure-filled situation," "I feel the most relaxed." "I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm on some level a low-level sociopath." "But that's what makes me a champion." "Announcer:" "The Giants' outfield is about as shallow as you'll see it." "They call it the Little League outfield." "There we go, and Machi's pitch." "Oh, it's outside." "Ball two. 2-0 now." "Back from the set, Ferrell takes-- that's a strike." "It's 2-1." "Swing and a miss." "A little late on that one, folks." "2-2." "2-2?" "Announcer #2:" "And it's a high drive to center." "( announcers shouting )" "Announcer #3:" "High fly ball into right field." "She is gone!" "Announcer:" "Count 2-2." "See if Machi puts him away here." "No, a little tapper up along first." "Foul." "( laughs )" "And Ferrell, he's hurt." "He's not used to-- that one got him pretty good." "A little sting on the hand right there." "Steverson:" "Coming to the end of any player's career, your swing ain't as fast as it used to be." "You know, age gets to you a little bit in this game." "Announcer:" "Machi set. 7-4 Giants." "Bottom nine." "Ferrell swings and misses at a high fastball." "And Jean Machi said, "All right."" "Man on P.A.:" "Can we have your attention, please?" "We've just been informed that Will Ferrell has been traded to the San Francisco Giants." " What?" " ( crowd cheering )" "Go get your gear on." "We need you now." " All right." "All right." " Let's go." "Announcer:" "Now Will Ferrell meets his new manager Bruce Bochy." " ( crowd cheering )" " Man:" "Yeah, way to go, Will!" "Okay." "Announcer:" "Here comes Will Ferrell, now catching." "Make sure you talk to your pitchers." " I don't need" " About the signs." "We have one is a fastball." " Two?" "Breaking ball." " Breaking ball." "Announcer:" "Discussion with Jean Machi right now." "It's good to have the pitcher and catcher on the same page." "And Jean Machi, there's not 100% guarantee he's making this club." "Ferrell:" "Every player knows your fourth or fifth game with your eighth team in the same day, it's tough." "And the aches and pains and you're, you know, like... ( groaning )" "I'm too old for this shit." "Announcer:" "And now they're calling for an intentional walk." "Machi's thinking I don't normally issue intentional walks with the team up by three and nobody on." "And looks like Bruce Bochy now is gonna take out Will Ferrell." "See what Bochy says here." "Ferrell:" "Okay, so we're racing to the final game," "Dodgers-Padres, where I need to pitch." "I need to play right field." "The one question I do have for all you guys is where the hell's the chopper?" "Why'd we release the chopper?" "Why am I back in the van?" "Still..." "I've become accustomed with my status in life of travelling with a certain level of luxury." "Just 'cause we don't want to go $400 in the hole, which I easily and happily would have paid myself out of pocket." "( tires squeal )" "( cheering, applause )" "I throw all the normal basic pitches-- fastball, curveball, change, slurge." "The action of the pitch urges you to swing at it." "Thus the slurge." " Ready?" " So what are we gonna...?" " We got one fastball." " Yeah." " Two curveball." " Right." " Have you heard of a slurge?" " A slurge?" "I throw a slurge." "Ferrell:" "I throw a traditional knuckleball." "I throw a European knuckleball." "I throw a Catfish, the Black Healer." "A pitch called the Asteroid." "Some of my pitches are named with whole sentences." "Like the Miraculous Ascension of Sister Guadalupe." "One of my pitches is named Barry." "I don't even consider him a pitch." "He's like a close friend." "He's like a guy that you could literally not see for a year and call him up out of the blue and meet him at the local watering hole and it's like you guys picked up right where you left off." "Barry is, like I said, not a pitch." "He's a dear friend." "And... the time I've spent with Barry, he's helped me through some very difficult times." "And... yeah." "I mean, he helped me recover from my motorcycle accident." "And..." "I don't know what to say more about Barry." "Announcer:" "Rico Noel is the batter." "Announcer #2:" "And he just moved up in the box." "Announcer:" "Bunting back to Ferrell and there's one away." "( crowd booing )" "Announcer:" "Shades of Doug Jones and the late Rod Beck." "And it looks like that's gonna be all for Will Ferrell tonight." "He won't even look Donnie in the eye." "Look at this." "He doesn't want to give up the rock." "I still made the team, right?" "Absolutely." " All right." " Good job." "( crowd cheering )" "Announcer:" "And that's gonna be it for the Dodger career of Will Ferrell." "I think I just got released." "Announcers:" "He's snapping." "I get guys out, okay?" "Majority of players at the end of their career, it can be a really tough adjustment." "You never want to think you're at the end of your career until I think it creeps up on you and you have to accept it." "You get into this pattern of what you do, a routine day in, day out, and all of a sudden it's gone." "Different guys have different ways that they handle it." "I just pray there's one more team out there that'll take me." "Anybody find my glove?" "Announcer:" "Will Ferrell's ready to go out and play right field for San Diego in what's an important frame." "We're scoreless headed to the ninth." "This is the last one." "Here we go." "Announcer:" "Will Ferrell has worn number 19 most of the day and that's because Campy Campaneris wore number 19 as an Oakland A." "So tipping his cap to Campy whose all-nine feat he's replicating tonight." "But number 19 will never be worn in San Diego again." "Announcer #2:" "Retired number of the late great Tony Gwynn, the Hall of Famer." "This is gonna be my ball club, the San Diego Padres." "I can live in San Diego." "I love La Jolla." "My God." "Can't believe I'm gonna end my career with the Padres." "Announcer:" "Oh, my." "Will Ferrell can't do anything about that one." "1-0 Los Angeles." "He got all of that." "He got all of that." "Announcer:" "So here's Scott Van Slyke." "A little infield pop for Diego Goris." "Will Ferrell's busy Cactus League day is over." "You know, there's so many components to baseball." "There's hitting, fielding, pitching." "But every ball player knows the thing that gets you to the show and the thing that keeps you in the show is the ability to deliver a great speech." "Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth." "Baseball really was a great game and baseball is really a great game." "For all of your support over the years," "I want to thank you, the fans of Baltimore, from the bottom of my heart." "Announcer:" "Well, Will Ferrell is getting ready to address the crowd, a crowd of over 10,000 on this Cactus League night." "If I can just have everyone's attention, please." "I'd like to say a few words." "I'd like to thank you all for today." "( cheering )" "You know, when I embarked on this journey way back at breakfast," "I thought to myself, could I do it?" "My career has not gone according to plan." "When I first showed up on the A's doorstep," "I thought I'd be an A for life." "But then I was a Mariner, an Angel, a Cub, a Diamondback, a Red, a White Sox, a Giant, a Dodger." "I think I'm missing one." "Was I the best player on the field today?" "( crowd cheering )" "Maybe." "Maybe?" "Maybe?" "Can you-- can you chant that with me now?" "Maybe." "Maybe." "Maybe." "( crowd chanting ) Maybe." "Maybe." "Maybe." "There's no doubt I turned some heads today." "I brought passion to the field, dedication, ability, and a lot of ignorance." "There is life in this 47-year-old arm." "They say nothing's more American than grabbing a hot dog, heading to the ball park and watching nine guys from the Dominican Republic make magic on the field." "But you know what?" "Today I learned they are wrong." "Make that eight Dominicans and one guy from Irvine, California." "( cheering )" "Ruth," "Musial, Mantle," "Will Ferrell." "On a serious or real note, thank you all." "What a day." "Thank you to Major League Baseball, to my family, and especially to Craig Pollard." "Craig is here tonight." "Craig:" "Here, here." "Craig's right there." "There's Craig, everyone." "Big hand for Craig Pollard." "We were fired up you got a piece of that one." " You had good swings." " I thought, is there a chance?" "Is there a chance I actually get a hit?" " But, no, he kept it outside." " Yeah." "When I'm at that induction ceremony at Cooperstown, when Bubba Watson puts that green jacket on my shoulders," "I'm gonna be thankful." "I'm not gonna be a dick about it." "But I'm gonna be like, "Don't lose sight of the fact, everyone, that I earned this."" "And at the end, the very end," "I'm talking about I'm at the pearly gates and I'm at that dream dinner of me," "Abraham Lincoln, Joan of Arc, Don Shula, you know, and they're looking at me and they're like," ""Can I just ask one question?" "Were you the guy who played all nine positions and DH'd?"" "I'm like, "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm that guy." "Pass the mashed potatoes."" "♪ Any way you want it, that's the way you need it ♪" "♪ Any way you want it ♪" "♪ She loves to laugh, she loves to sing ♪" "♪ She does everything... ♪" "I played in five games." "Played for 10 teams." " All in one day?" " All in one day." "All one day and..." "As a little charity fundraiser." "As a charity fundraiser, which is a cool thing to do." "And you looked pretty good out there." "♪ So hold tight, hold tight ♪" "♪ Ooh, baby, hold tight... ♪" " Now, you looked great in those uniforms." " Thank you." "And I'm beginning to think that any uniform you look great in." "But you really looked like a big leaguer." "Well, I'm still hoping for a call, Dave." "♪ Any way you want it ♪" "♪ I was alone, I never knew... ♪" "There were moments that were terrifying." "I'm not gonna lie to you." "Yeah." "Trying to hit a 90-mile-an-hour fastball, it's next to impossible." "♪ About the loving things ♪" "♪ All night, all night ♪" "♪ Oh, every night... ♪" "Brad Pitt:" "It's hard not to be romantic about baseball." "Jonah Hill:" "Billy, we just won 20 games in a row." "And what's the point?" "Listen, man." "I've been in this game a long time."