"Okay, we're headed out-- See you later." "Before you leave, could you test these noise-cancelling headphones?" "Yeah, sure." "Okay." "Go ahead." "Hello, can you hear me?" "Sheldon, I haven't changed the filter in the water pitcher in two years." "Uh, Bernadette's nickname for you is the virgin piña colada." "Your George Lucas autograph is really a "me" autograph." "Yeah, well, once I was too lazy to walk across the hall, so I used your toothbrush." "Ooh, and one time when you were asleep," "Amy totally took off her..." "And that's why you're the best roommate ever." "Aw..." "Now I'm sad I didn't hear it." "So what do you need the headphones for?" "Well, I've been struggling for months to come up with a theory of dark matter that doesn't make protons decay." "I'm hoping to finally tackle it by optimizing my work environment." "See, I've got, uh, my tea is at the perfect sipping temperature." "Uh, I have fleece-lined boxer shorts to keep my tushie toasty." "And then, oh, last but not least, this inspirational cat poster, improved with the reassuring face of physics renegade Richard Feynman." "Is that why you had to take him to Office Depot last night?" "I don't want to talk about it." "There, the place is all yours." "Yeah, have fun." "Oh, I will-- nothing more fun than a paradigm-shifting evening of science." "And you thought it was soaping me up in the shower." "Bye." "Okay." "Here we go." "Proton decay." "Proton decay." "Proton decay." "Proton decay." "Proton decay." "Proton decay." "Hey, we're home." "Any progress?" "How could there be?" "!" "With these constant interruptions." "I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one." "♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪" "♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started..." "Wait!" "♪" "♪ The Earth began to cool ♪" "♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪" "♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪" "♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪" "♪ That all started with a big bang ♪" "♪ Bang!" "♪" "♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x13 ♪ The Anxiety Optimization Original Air Date on January 29," "== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man" "What are you doing?" "It's time to go." "I'm not going to work today." "And would you like to know why?" "Ah, you're upset because you spent the whole night working on dark matter and didn't make a breakthrough, and now you're worried you made a huge mistake switching fields, and you're gonna sit around and sulk all day?" "Like a big old baby." "Call me if you need anything." "I've been cooped up in here too long." "Maybe I need some fresh air." "Penny?" "Penny?" "Penny?" "Ugh, what?" "You sounded in distress." "I was worried something unpleasant was happening to you." "Like a murder." "Or spontaneous coitus with Leonard." "Oh, I'm just doing this awful workout." "I hate it." "Well, if you hate it, then why are you doing it?" "Although I could ask the same question about coitus with Leonard." "I don't know" " I guess I like that I hate it." "It makes me work harder." "And to clarify..." "The exercise, Sheldon." "Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?" "I'm not going." "Would you like to know why?" "Uh, you're sad about not getting anything done last night, so you're gonna sit around and pout about it?" "Boy, I'm not nearly as mysterious as I think I am." "I invented a game." "You want to play?" "Sure." "It's called "Emily or Cinnamon""" "I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog." "Go ahead, make fun." "You can't embarrass me." "I've got a beautiful girlfriend and a dog who loves me so much she drinks my bathwater." "Okay, who was he talking to, Emily or Cinnamon:" ""I want you to know, the bed feels so lonely when you're not in it."" "I may not be liking this game so much." "Cinnamon." "Give me another one." "Okay, Emily or Cinnamon:" ""Check it out, I got us matching sweaters!"" "We all got the Christmas card-- Cinnamon." "You know, a man can care deeply about a woman and a pet." "It's not strange." "Ooh, Emily." "I heard him say that to Emily." "Hey, I thought you were staying home." "Yeah, I was, but after talking to Penny," "I realized something." "I... first, she's trying much harder to stay attractive in this relationship than you are." "E' And second... the reason I may not be progressing in my research is" "I've created too pleasant of an environment for myself." "What do you me?" "According to a classic psychological experiment by Yerkes and Dodson, in order to maximize performance, one must create a state of productive anxiety." "So I'd like to ask you all to do something for me." "Keep me on my toes." "Just throw me off my game." "E-Essentially, go out of your way to make my life miserable." "Hold on." "What's in it for us?" "Well, I suppose..." "Okay, we'll do it!" "Done." "33 seconds." "Okay, that'll be our baseline." "You know, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but when a mouse completes a maze, it gets a food pellet." "It also gets its brain plucked out with tweezers." "And his last meal was a food pellet?" "You're a monster." "All right, next, we're gonna introduce an anxiety-inducing stimulus, measure your stress levels and see how it affects your problem-solving rate." "Very well." "And good luck-- I'm a pretty laid-back guy." "Ready?" "Begin." "Why'd you pop it?" "I'm sorry, I was aiming for your heart." "Look, I know you don't like it' but that's the point of the experiment." "I need to irritate you to find your optimal anxiety zone." "And you said no to tickling, polka music or watching me eat a banana." "Who eats them horizontally?" "!" "My mother said that's how good girls do it." "Perhaps this was a waste of time." "Sheldon, you're a remarkable scientist." "Just be patient" " I'm sure you'll find the breakthrough you've been looking for." "Thank you." "And if you only do solid research instead of making a groundbreaking discovery, what does it matter?" ""Only do solid research"?" "!" "Uh..." "I come to you for help, and you insult me?" "!" "I thought the least that you would do would be..." "Look, your anxiety levels are right in the zone." "Really?" "Oh, that's fantastic." "N-Now, wait, they're dropping." "Why are they dropping?" "Because you're happy they're elevated." "Oh, that is infuriating!" "Ooh, look, they went back up again." "Terrific." "Oh, no, they went back down!" "All right, guys, what game do you want to play?" "E' Let's see." "How about "Emily or Cinnamon""" "You know what?" "I think it's a little weird that you remember me saying all these things.E'" "Maybe the truth is-- you're jealous of all my relationships." "Oh, maybe I am." "Who wouldn't want to be the girl, or po"