"Reverend, are you interested in participating in the" "Rec Centre Children's Fundraiser For Youth Activities?" "Catchy!" "Yes, count me in." "As Jesus said, blessed be the rec centres, for in them be the open swim." "Ha." "Wonderful!" "We still need a ring announcer." "A ring announcer?" "Like a boxing ring announcer?" " Oh, is that a problem?" " Well, as a Christian" "I believe in peaceful loving solutions to every conflict." " Oh, I should have known." " But... as a man who loves boxing..." "I lo-o-ove boxing!" " Oh!" " Yes, I boxed in the seminary!" "Some of those guys had a lot of pent-up aggression." " We didn't do a lot of dating." " Would you consider fighting?" "Well, I suppose I could strap on the gloves and open up a can of whoop-ass." "For the kids." "Boy, that would be great!" "Now all we need is an opponent." "Well, I'm sure the Lord will provide." "Reverend." "Miss Parvy." "Oh, you are good." "Amaar, the lovely Miss Parvy and I were talking." "Any chance you'd volunteer for the Rec Centre" "Children's..." "Fundraiser for Youth Activities." " That's the one." " It would mean a lot to the kids." " Of course!" " You're in?" "You bet!" "You name it, I'll do it!" "Well, great!" "We'll see you there." " Boxing gloves will be provided." " Whoa, boxing?" "See you in the ring, Amaar." "Ho!" "Ho..." "Season 4 Episode 9 Gloves Will Keep Us Together" "Jeez, Thorne, step away from the Photoshop!" " They're all over town." " God, I hope not." "There he is!" "Our inspiration!" "Ha." "Something tells me you're not referring to my last sermon." "I'm referring to the big battle." "You and Thorne, mano a mano, which means man to man!" "So tough!" "Mano a mano means hand to hand." "What?" "There's nothing tough about that." "Hand to hand?" "That sounds like a slapping contest." "No, this is the real thing." "It's the "Thrilla in Manila" all over again." "No, no." "Let's take it easy." "It's no "Rumble in the Jungle"." "This is more like "Friendly Exhibition Match" ""Between Two Men of the Cloth..." "in Mercy"!" "Yeah." "That's a terrible name!" "It is the "Punchdown in a Small Town"!" "I am much better at this than you are!" " It's nothing like that." " It's exactly like that." "You're right." "Me versus Thorne?" "Muslims versus Christians." "This is the last thing this town needs." "No, the last thing this town needs is a monorail." "The second last thing is a juice bar." "And the third last thing is... where are you going?" "Wow." "It seems like you've been working on this wall since..." "Dinosaurs wore bell bottoms?" "Yeah." "Why is it taking so long?" "The Reverend keeps changing his mind after the work is done." " Oh, is that allowed in the contract?" " Yes, but that's okay." "Because it's nearly done." "Just a bit of paint." " Complete." "Now, all we have to do is wait." " For what?" " Well, this is all wrong." " For that." "Where's my holy fountain?" "Oh, so now there's a fountain." "With water I presume?" "Of course!" "Is there any other kind?" "It's going to be my little cascading miracle that'll take your breath away." "Wow!" "Well, it really will be a... miracle because the wall isn't roughed in for plumbing." "Oh." "Then I'll need that done." " But you never told me that." " Well, isn't that just assumed?" "Reverend, Reverend!" "I can't do it!" "I can't fight you!" "It's going to send the wrong message to the community." "I understand." "What you're saying is..." " Buk, buk." " Look, seriously." "Our congregations need to work together, not go head to head!" "Buk." " Very funny." " Buk!" "Grow up!" "Oh, Amaar." "It's okay to be afraid." "I was afraid once." " Then I turned six." " And when was that, yesterday?" "Look, you can't bait me into fighting you." "So I'm learning." "Hm, you won't even fight for the youth?" "I mean, the youth is our future." " You can't guilt me either." " You really aren't Christian, are you?" "I mean guilt is our trump card." "There's nothing you can do that will make me fight you." "Never say never." " Coronation Street?" " Commercial!" "Oh!" "What did I miss?" "Deirdre just ordered Blanche out of her flat." "I am not ready for this." "They've been building up to it for 17 years!" "Ah, I need a caramel cup to dull the pain." "Hey!" "Quality Street?" "Granddad used to bring these back from England." "No." "He used to buy them at the drugstore on the way home from the airport." "But he said you could only get them in the UK." " Granddad was a liar!" " Really?" "You know he never really owned a zeppelin." "Ooh." "The show's back on!" "So Thorne... gets a... a 5% discount on the whole renovation if it's not completed by next week... his constant changes are stopping me from hitting the deadline!" "Don't take that." "Fight back!" "Good advice." "One more change and I will draw the line." "Atta girl, Blanche!" "What?" "You two are useless when "Coronation Street" is on." " Was that Dad?" " Shh!" "Oh..." "Can you get the phone, please!" "Hello." "Mm-hmm." "Oh hi, Reverend." "Um well, now's not really a very good t..." "Oh, fine." "Hang on, hang on." "Um..." "Don't paint the pillars." "You're good with wood." "Okay." "Yup, great." "I'll tell him!" "Bye." "You mean to say the Muslim Imam agreed to go toe-to-toe for the Youth Rec Centre and then bailed." "Now, Fred." "I'm not here to stoke controversy." "Well no, but I am." "Huh!" "So just to clarify, uh... this "Imama's" boy is afraid to take a few knocks for charity?" "Well, "afraid" is such a harsh word." " Oh." "Yellow?" " It is my favourite colour." "So, how will you respond to this cowardly act of non-aggression?" "Well, the important thing is that we find someone to take his place so the event can go on." " Oh, someone, uh, Muslim?" " Well, it'd be wonderful if the two communities could come together." "Are you issuing a challenge to any Muslim man enough to take you on?" "Well, I would never say that!" "Oh." "Is it okay if I do?" "It's your show, Fred." "You know frankly, I don't think any of Mohammed's minions would step into the ring with the Rev." "No, no." "They clearly prefer soft targets." "In fact, I'll tell you what." "If anyone from the mosque can go three rounds with me, for the kids, of course, my friends at This-Old-Rug Carpet Cleaning will clean all the mosque prayer rugs for an entire year!" "Whoa-ho-ho... hitting them right where they kneel." "Oh, nice." "You're like Jack Palance in a collar." " Ridiculous!" " Absolutely." "Although, we could use those carpets cleaned." "Did you hear that?" "Amaar backing out of the fight?" "It's made us look like a laughingstock!" "You make us look like a laughingstock." "Salaam alaikum." "Walaikum assalaam." " If you will not fight for us, who will?" " Yea..." "I didn't hear you volunteer." "I am not a soldier." "I am a general." "Who bruises a bit too easily." "...133, 134..." "So, Reverend." "What do you think?" "Well, I'm getting there." "Oh, the pillars!" "Yes, they're beautiful." " They're a vision of vertical excellence." " Classic." "A timeless tribute to the holding up of ceilings." "Mm, and most interesting of all, they're painted!" "Oh, yeah." "They're absolutely and completely, um..." " Mm-hmm." " Why is that interesting?" "I wanted wood, Yasir." "Wood!" "No, you clearly said, "paint, Yasir!" "Paint. "" "It doesn't even sound like wood." "You see?" "It has none of the same letters, unless you spell it wrong." "And then I blame the schools." " Mm, I did say paint the wood." " Yes!" " But then I said wood was good!" " No!" "Are you calling me a liar?" "No!" "I'm saying that perhaps you misspoke." "You meant to say wood but it came out... a dirty lie!" "Well, if you look at the contract you'll see that I can change my mind as often as I like." "Yes." "In advance." "Not after the job is done." "Well, the job isn't done because this isn't the work I asked for." "Not only is the work done... but I'm done." "I'm finished." "You quit." "No, you see." "I'm not a quitter." "I'm the kind of person that leaves when the job is done, and this job is done!" "Also, I quit." "Eight." "Ahhh." "What is this?" " Why are people taking this so seriously?" " No, no." "The question is, why aren't you?" "Have you heard what people are saying?" "We need someone to stand up and fight for us." "We need a... a hero." " I'm no hero." " Ah, but you could be." "You just need a coach." "And I am going to coach you like you have never been coached before!" " I have never been coached before." " Oh, good." "So the pressure's off me." "Then he had the gall to say, "I told you all about it"!" " Can you believe it?" " Oh, the nerve of that man!" "Now, how could anyone possibly forget someone telling them wood is good?" "Why does that sound so familiar?" "So then, I said to him..." "Thank you." "I love the green ones!" "Oh, I know." "I'll get you one." "Hey..." "What's this?" " "Wood is good"?" " Oh, that's where I've seen it." "Oh!" "You have a message." "And now it's time now for my favourite segment," ""Fred Was Right!"" "Fred was right" "I was right when I said that zero Muslims would go three rounds with the Punching Padre." "Sad, isn't it?" "Rev, would you say that Islam is a culture of cowardice?" "Look, Fred." "I want to make it clear that I have the utmost respect for all faiths!" " Oh." "Except for the Mormons, of course." " Yes." " All that gingham." " Mm-hmm." "I'm just saddened for the kids, the Christian kids, the Muslim kids." "This was supposed to be a charitable event." "But no event, no charity!" "And all because no Muslim had the prayer beads to step into the ring." "Yes." "Once again, Fred was right." "Fred was right" " Never get tired of hearing that." " That's good, yeah." "Wrong, Fred!" "And Reverend, you have your Muslim and you'll have your fight." "Whoa." "You know, on the one hand I love a good fight but on the other, you kind of kyboshed the name of the segment there." "Thank you all for coming to this press conference." "What conference?" "It's just you!" "Ahem!" "Mr. Rashid?" "Zach Whitman." "Mercy Junior High "Clarion"." "Did you know that the Reverend was a seminary boxing champion?" " No!" "I did not know that!" " He was?" " Yeah." " Wow." "Ha!" "Reverend, are you predicting that you'll win easily?" "Oooh." "Good question." "No, no, no." "Of course not." "He's a powerful opponent." "He's wiry, he's, um... did I mention he's wiry?" "Well, look." "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried." "His nickname was the Minister of Justice!" "Well, Amaar is the Imam of Mercy!" "That's not my nickname." "That's my title." "Well, I was on the spot." "I've never done a press conference before, okay?" "Okay, this press conference is over." "How about some photographs?" " Oh!" " Hm?" "Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah." " Yeah." " That's good." "Got a minute?" "Ah, my prodigal contractor returns." "Yeah, about that." "Funny story." "Ah, I like funny stories." " Well then you're going to love this one." " Yeah?" "See my wife, wonderful woman, she took down your message and then lost it in a box of chocolates!" "Isn't that funny!" "Only if your name's Forrest Gump." "Now, I understand that you Christians are all about forgiveness." " That's what it says in the ads." " Hate the sin, not the sinner." "Hate the paint, not the painter." "Hate the wall, not the..." "Well, I think you know the formula." "So, I gather you want to finish the job?" "Is there a stronger word than yes?" "Well, I'd be delighted to take you back." "Wonderful!" "I'll start straight away." "Great!" "Because the original deadlines are still in effect." "No." "I've lost a day." "And tomorrow's the" "Youth Centre Revival Children's Thing." " The whole town will be there." " That's what we're hoping." "But I'll never find anyone to work!" "But that's my problem." "'Cause you're busy hitting things." "That's it." "Left." "Left." "Left." "Left." "Left." "Keep your right up." " Why?" " To throw him off!" "Left." "Left." "Okay, my left arm is getting kind of sore." "We've got to build it up!" "We're going to make you the best darn southpaw in town!" "I'm not left-handed." "Okay!" "New strategy." "Let's see the right!" "What's the matter, Amaar?" "Is it 'cause he's bigger than you?" "Stronger than you?" " Are you afraid of getting hit?" " I am now." "This might help." "What's wrong?" "You were killing him!" "That's the problem." "You know when I said I didn't want to fight Thorne?" "That wasn't true." "I do want to fight him." " I really want to fight him." " So fight him!" "This is supposed to be a friendly little charity match." "I'm not supposed to fight out of anger." "Because someone's smug, condescending face is making me want to hit him harder, again and again and again and again and again and again!" "No, no hit!" "No hit!" "No hit!" "What happens if I start punching Thorne and can't stop?" "Don't punch him." "Bob and weave for three rounds and we'll call it a win." "I can do that!" "So, what now?" "Now we turn you into a lean, mean, evading machine." "I'm sorry we're stuck here, it's all my fault." "Yes it is." "Now sand all the way up to that joist." "Joist is a funny word." "It's like it's got a built-in Brooklyn accent." ""Foist" I'll hoist the joist." "That'll build up my "thoist"!" " Yes, Sarah." "Sand, sand, sand!" " Oh." "Or we'll never finish in time." "Oh, I don't think it's going to be much of a clash." "I love Amaar, but it should be called the Mush of the Muslim." "Oh, I don't know." "I think Amaar could really land a few choice blows" " on that smug Reverend's face!" " Yeah." " Ahem." " Hello!" " Hi." " Hello." " We were talking about another Reverend." " We were." " Um... not you." " No." "Reverend..." "what was his name?" " Uh..." "Joist." " Reverend Joist, yeah." "Ah!" " Back to work, dear." " Okay." "Right." "Salaam alaikum." "Oh, walaikum assalaam, Fatima." "I have a new menu item." " The Hero Amaar Sandwich." " Oh, I'm humbled." "It's just like the regular hero sandwich." " Except flattened." " I'm extremely humbled." "Know that you have my full support for this fight" " and for the aftermath." " What aftermath?" "I will capably run the mosque for you during your lengthy recovery." "That's comforting." "And did you see "Million Dollar Baby"?" "If you need, I will be happy to shut off life support." "Because I care." "Mmm... are you ready to go?" " You're up in an hour." " Yeah." "To the death!" "If Baber ran the world." "Well, welcome folks to Tuffy's Muscle Hut and we're moments away from the Clash of the Clerics." "A classic Achmed versus Goliath battle." "And now I'm going to turn things over to our celebrity ring announcer, the Worship herself," "Mayor Ann Popowicz." "Thank you, thank you." "I do it for the kids 'cause, you know, let's face it they'll be able to vote in a few years." "In this corner, from Mercy Mosque, weighing 157 pounds... boy, I should really consider cutting out pork..." "Anyway, The Imam of Mercy..." "Oh really, is that what they came up with?" "Amaar Rashi-i-id!" "And in this corner, from Mercy Anglican, the Minister of Justice," "Reverend William Tho-o-o-o-o-orne!" "And, we're about to get things underway here, folks." "Of course, the tension, you could almost cut it with a knife, in here, it's a..." "Very, very excited crowd..." "Are you going to float like a butterfly, sting like a..." " butterfly?" " Yeah." "We're with you, Father." "Look, Reverend." "I know we've had our differences in the past" " but I think..." " May the better religion win." "And things are about to get going and..." "Let 'em have it!" "Ooh!" "And the fight is on!" "Thorne, oh very aggressive off the top and uh, look at him, he's all over Amaar right now." "That's good, stay out of his way." "Stay." " Good, Amaar, stay out of his way!" " This is a very strange technique." "He's going to wear out the tread on his boots, he's moving so fast in there." "Look at him go." "Are we going to fight or are we going to dance?" "Come on, Amaar." "Come on!" "Ooh!" "Out of his way." "Faster." "Hit him, Father!" " Yes!" "Yes!" " But not too hard!" "Good one, Rev!" "Hit him, Amaar!" "Keep it up!" "Oh!" "What a pounding!" "Is Amaar just another Muslim on a suicide mission?" "What?" "And..." "that should be the end of round one." "Popowicz?" "I'm doing it!" "And that'll bring the first round to a close and it does not look good for the "Imaminator" in there." "No, sir-ee." "Thorne was all over him like white on rice." "You're doing great!" "Seems like I'm evading myself right into his fists!" "Who knew that his arms were so long?" " I Know!" "Any words of advice, coach?" " Yeah, stay out of the corners, stay off the ropes and clear the centre." "Maybe I should do everyone a favour and just wait outside." "Two more rounds, and sure." "And let's get her going." "And the fight is on, ladies and gentlemen." "Oh-ho-ho-ho, the punishment has already started!" "Or is Amaar just too darn scared to fight back?" "Thorne is just turning him into a speed bag, ladies and gentlemen." "Hit him, Amaar!" "Hit him!" "Why isn't he hitting him?" "He has too little hate in his heart." "This is why he's not fit to lead." "My wife would punch better!" "No mercy!" " What did we miss?" " This." "Amaar!" "You can hit him now!" "I finished the pillars!" "Hit him!" "Hit him!" "Ooh, Ama-a-ar." "This is a tough one for you." "Maybe it'd be better if you just... conceded, huh?" "Can't do that, Rev. But you go ahead and be my guest." "Ah, it's fine. 'Cause either way I win." " How do you figure?" " Well, there's two options." "Option one: you back down now, everyone thinks I tamed the Muslim menace." " Ah!" " Oh!" "Option two:" "I knock you down in front of everyone and I look crushingly superior." "Either way, I win!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Oh-h!" "Look at him!" "Oh, he's waving to the crowd" "They love him here, ladies and gentlemen." " Well there was a third option, Rev." " Yeah, what's that?" "Third option is I win!" "What the heck is going on?" "Amaar is coming out of nowhere!" " Oh, no!" " Yes!" "Oh my goodness!" "Holy man down, ladies and gentlemen!" "I can't believe it!" "Yes!" "Two, three!" "It's over!" "He's out!" "It's over!" "Thorne has lost the fight!" "Amaar is the winner, ladies and gentlemen!" "I don't believe it." "We can wait three days, he's not getting back up again." "Where is he?" "Amaar?" "Wow." "I can't believe you did that!" "You decked him!" " I didn't know you had it in you." " Neither did I." "So what happened to the lean mean evading machine?" "I lost my cool." "He got me angry!" "So you're not a machine after all." "You're human." "And humans make mistakes." "...forgiving us..." "Ah!" "Aaah..." "The important thing is how you feel now." "Kind of good?" "But mostly..." "Ow!" "Subtitle by:" "Kiasuseven"