"Coming." "Oh, Dr Crane." "My God, after all our years together, all the good times, all the bad times, you can't loan me a meagre 4,000?" "You must appreciate how hard it is for me to approach you." "I thought I meant more to you than this, but apparently not." "And they call themselves "the friendly bank"." " What do you need the money for?" " An exquisite Biedermeier footstool." "For 4,000?" "Your mother and I didn't pay that much for our first house." "I know, Dad. I lived there." "Now you don't have Maris's money, you're gonna have to cut back a little." "I have cut back. I told my masseur I can only see him once a week." "I remember that scene in "Grapes Of Wrath" when Ma Joad did that." "If you need to save a bit, you should do what I do and cut out coupons." "Coupons!" "What a wonderful way to economise." "I could clip them and give them to my personal shopper." "Oh, Niles, good morning." " Daphne, has Bebe Glazer called?" " 'Fraid not." "You're still consorting with that...barracuda?" "A barracuda is what you want in an agent." "I hoped she had some scuttlebutt on the new station owner." "(Doorbell)" "She's hard to get hold of these days." "One draws a pentagram on the floor and chants "l summon thee" three times." " Hello, Roz." " Hey." "Roz, have some coffee." "Anything on the new owner?" "Wilford S Boone." "But he likes to be called "Big Willy"." "There's a snapshot of his psyche right there." "He's an 85-year-old Texan, practically no formal education, but he went from errand boy to owning a media empire worth 600 million." "Great. I don't even know what Renuzit is, but it's 20 cents off and I want it." " You're clipping coupons?" " l'm economising." "About time." "You spend money like a drunken sailor." "She said authoritatively." " Can we get back to the subject?" " Why so antsy?" " Wilford S Boone..." " Big Willy." "Please, I just can't say that yet, all right?" "He owns 30 radio stations across the country." "If he likes you, he's been known to syndicate your show nationwide." "I'm trying to find something we have in common." " What are his interests?" " lt's all there." "Whittling, rodeos, Zane Grey novels..." "Gee, Frase, like you two were separated at birth." "He also owns a 5,000-acre cattle ranch and a collection of antique six-shooters." "Dear God, I'm sucking up to Yosemite Sam!" "If we want to impress him, we should think of a Western theme for the show." "Great idea." "Let's do a segment on how to get in touch with your inner young 'un." " (Man) Fascinating..." " What's going on?" "This is great. I told Gil the new station owner is a Greek tycoon." " He fell for that?" " Hook, line and souvlaki!" "You can keep your over-ripe Camembert and malodorous Stilton." "They can't compare with the salty insouciance of Greece's glorious feta." "It's not just for shepherds any more!" "This is Gil Chesterton saying bon appetit, or, as we say in Athens, kali orexi!" "Gil, you've been had." "The new owner isn't Greek, he's from Texas." "You are so easy!" "I've just given four stars to a restaurant called "A Taste Of Greece", which, trust me, is no misnomer." "It's what you deserve, trying to suck up to a senile old coot." "He probably can't eat anything but strained peas and farina!" " Mr Boone?" " That's right." "I'm Dr Frasier Crane." "This is Roz Doyle, Gil Chesterton and..." "Skippy, the lunch boy." "So, uh, that's two strained peas and a farina." "Oh, uh, Skippy?" "Change my order!" "I've a sudden hankering for baby-back ribs and corn bread." "Oh, I've been looking for you, Dr Crane." "I have a problem and they told me you're just the fella who can fix it." " l hope I'm not imposing." " Don't be silly." " Actually, I prefer "Big Willy"." " Don't be silly, Big Willy." " Ya see, I'm engaged to be married." " Congratulations." "Sweet young thing." "Just nuts about me." "Problem is, she smokes." " Oh lord, that is a very bad habit." " lt's a vile habit!" "Woulda destroyed my affection for her, well, if she didn't possess certain compensating gifts." "Anyway, as a favour to me, could you help her?" "Well, I'll certainly try." "Keep in mind, though, addiction is fraught with many complex issues." "Length of habit, motivation..." "Sorry, sometimes I don't express myself clearly." "When I said, "Could you help her?" what I meant to say was "Help her"." " Consider it done." " Much obliged." "She'll be in touch." "That's me, Dr Frasier Crane, bimbo wrangler." "God." "Stop it." "This is a golden opportunity!" "Make her quit and we're halfway to syndication." "Did someone say "syndication" or do I just hear it when I see my best client?" "Oh, Bebe!" " ls something wrong, dear?" " We just met Big Willy." "He thinks I'm a magician." "He wants me to play therapist to his little fiancé." "No doubt some gold-digging piranha so devoid of scruples..." "Oh, dear God." "Isn't it wonderful?" "We met last month and it was love at first sight." "First sight of what?" "His bankbook and a cardiogram?" "Two minutes." "I'm hurt she can even joke about such a thing." " l love him with every fibre of my being." " l'm sure you do." "There won't be a wedding if you don't quit, and he's ordered me to make you!" "God, you'd think a touch of emphysema were the end of the world." "What's that in your hand, woman?" "Sorry, pudd'n." "Bebe slipped." "Just that all-important last puff." "Well, see that it is." "Dr Crane, I'm heading out of town for three days." "When I get back on Sunday, I expect my little gal here to be smoke-free." "In...three days?" "Now, you do whatever it takes to help her." "Drugs, straightjackets, electroshock..." "You see how he dotes on me." "waiting TO inhale" "(Frasier) Excellent progress, Bebe!" "You've dived into the emotional void at the root of your addiction, fear of abandonment, that those you trust... (Doorbell)" "Excuse me." "My God, it all seems so clear now." " You're a miracle worker." " lf l had a dime for every time..." " Niles!" " Hello, Frasier." "I noticed you were out of capers the other night, so I got you this." "Thank you, Niles, but...why so many?" "I just discovered a place called Price Buster's Warehouse." "You have to buy in bulk, but it's cheap and the selection is huge - l found French fries and French doors in the same aisle." "Next time you go back be sure to buy me 1 ,000 swordfish so I can use these up." "You laugh, but I could do it like that." "So, how goes the great smoke-out?" "I had no idea what a brilliant therapist your brother is." "He has tunnelled his way into the very depths of my psyche." "Let's hope he sent a canary down first." "Well, I'll be running along." "I'll see you at 1 0:00 tomorrow." "In the meantime, it's exercise, lots of fresh spring water and nicotine gum." " That's my girl." " l'm writing a paper on addiction." "I'd love to talk to you unless there's some reason you're eager to be off." "Me?" "No." "No, no." "Not at all!" " l need a private word with Frasier first." " Of course, I'll give you some privacy." " lt's time for my water anyway." " Good girl." "Yes, Niles?" "She'll smoke half a pack before the elevator hits the lobby." "How can you know that?" "From the crazed glint in her eyes." "She always looks like that." "She's an agent." "I know about addiction." "It's the exact same look Maris used to get in the Cough Syrup Years." "The only way is to lock her up and watch her till it's out of her system." " She'd have to stay the weekend." " Who's staying?" " Bebe Glazer." " Here?" " Why here?" " She's quitting smoking." "Great, that means she'll be extra loveable." "Not to worry, she doesn't have to stay." "We made a real breakthrough." "If you don't believe me, come into the kitchen, you'll see that I'm right." "I'm sorry, I can't stay and help with the paper." "Wedding preparations." "But I'll remember those helpful hints." "It's exercise, gum and lots of water." "Water should come in handy for putting out those pesky purse fires." "Niles, secure the door." "You're staying for the weekend." "Give me that purse." "All right." "Just let me remove one very precious memento." "Very well..." "Oh, stop it!" "Stop it!" " More!" " What, again?" "That's her third serving." "It's flattering to Daphne that Bebe likes her food." "I'm orally fixated." "I'd eat a half-stunned wharf rat if you put some gravy on it." "I'll bear that in mind come breakfast time." "Let's all try to remain supportive of Bebe. I think she's doing rather well." " So, I hear your fiancé is well-to-do?" " Very." "You gonna eat that fat?" "Marrying money can have its perils." "In 1 0 years, after you adapt to a lifestyle now beyond your means, you can find yourself cast aside, a hollow husk, penniless and crushed." "Niles, Big Willy's 85." "He's on his third pacemaker." "Ah." "MazeI tov!" "Just out of curiosity, this guy ever see you eat?" "After dinner, I need a cigarette most." "If I keep eating, I'll be fine." "Good." "You're identifying the moments that trigger your craving." " Yeah, yeah." " No, no, really." "You're not alone." "Dad is an ex-smoker." "Tell us when you crave cigarettes most." "Ah." "When I had insomnia." "I'd get up, pour a big glass of Bourbon, light a cigarette, then I couldn't keep my eyes open." "Nothing relaxes you like a cigarette." "Of course, it gives you a hell of a headache in the morning." "Well, I smoked for years but I never became addicted." "To this day, I can buy a pack, have a cig or two, and not crave another for months." "There's a word for people who can do that." "What is it?" "Oh, yes...bitch." "There's no need to be rude just because you're wrestling with a disgusting habit." "It isn't disgusting, it's wonderful!" "Now, Bebe, tell me, what is so wonderful about smoking?" "Everything." "I like the way a fresh, firm pack feels in my hand." "I like peeling away the cellophane and seeing it twinkle in the light." "I like coaxing that first sweet cylinder out of its hiding place and bringing it slowly up to my lips." "Striking a match, watching it burst into a perfect little flame and knowing that soon that flame will be inside me." "I love the first puff, pulling it into my lungs." "Little fingers of smoke filling me, caressing me, feeling that warmth penetrate deeper and deeper, till I think I'm going to burst, then, whoosh... !" "...watching it flow out of me in a lovely, sinuous cloud, no two ever quite the same." "More potatoes, anyone?" "You're up early, Miss Moon." "God, you startled me!" "Ever since your little speech about smoking, I haven't thought about anything else." " Please, don't mention this to Dr Crane." " Silence has its price, dear." "And I think we both know what that is." "Forget it!" "You can't make me give you one of these." " Oh, can't I?" " You open up, right now!" "All right, drop those cigarettes!" "I'll open the door, you kick 'em to me!" " Capisce?" " No!" "Oh, is it cold outside?" " All right." "You asked for it!" " No!" "No!" "Please, I beg you!" "Oh!" "Oh, no, my fingers are getting weak." " Oh!" "Oh, I'm losing my grip." " Stop!" "Please!" "I'll give you anything you want." "I'll..." "I'll make you a star!" " What the hell's going on out here?" " Daphne was smoking!" " She made me!" " Give me those." "Oh, look at me!" "I'm all damp and chilled to the bone." "I'll get you a towel." "My God, it's 5:30 in the morning!" "Dad!" "I couldn't sleep." "Have you all lost your minds?" " Get back to bed, every one of you!" " All right, all right..." "Thank God you came in when you did!" "She was preying on my weakness." "Who knows what I would do." "Probably..." " ...this!" " Get her!" "Stop that woman!" "Bebe, you won't be allowed to smoke in this house!" "Don't even think about it!" "Just give me those right now!" "That's it!" "Back to bed!" "Oh, my God!" "You're insane, woman!" "That's it." "No more house guests." "Get off me!" " Hand them over!" " Never!" "That'll be the neighbours!" "Hello?" "Oh, hello!" "One moment, please." "It's Big Willy!" "Hello!" "No, it's not too early." "Everybody's up." "There have been a few minor setbacks, but I'm keeping on top of her." "Yes, she'd love to say hi." "Hang on." "Hello, pudd'n. I'm fine, and you?" "Oh, nothing's too much trouble for you, Daddy." "Bye now!" "Yes, sir?" "Oh, really?" "No, no, I'm very flattered." "Yes, of course, I'd love to, I'll talk to you this evening." "Bye-bye." "Thank you, Daphne." "All right, now listen up!" "He thinks I'm wasting my talents in one city!" "He wants to take me national, don't you get it?" "Unless you ruin it for me!" "Oh, my God, I'm sorry." "Here, take 'em." " l don't know what came over me." " Don't be too hard on yourself, Bebe." "After all, addiction to nicotine is a very difficult..." "Wait a minute." "This pack is half-empty!" "For God's sake. I don't care any more." "I can't help you, nobody can." "You want to ruin it for both of us?" "Go ahead, knock yourself out." "I only wish I could be there when it happens." " When what happens?" " When you see that headline:" ""Big Willy Boone, Millionaire, Dead."" "How I wish I could be there when you watch the funeral on the news, watch the casket being slipped into the ground." "Only, you won't be watching that." "No, no, you'll be watching the widow Boone." "Tiffany, perhaps." " Oh, no, better yet, "Kelli", with an "l"!" " Stop it!" "You'll picture her wearing your jewels, sailing in your yachts, sleeping with your gigolos, but you won't be sad, no, no, no, because you'll have your cigarette clutched in your nicotine-stained teeth," "smoke whirling about your once-pretty, now creased, leathery, smoke-ravaged..." "Enough!" "God!" "You are one hell of a therapist." " Hey, back from the wedding already?" " There was no wedding." "No wedding, no syndication deal..." " Why is she here?" " No money, no fame..." " Things hit a bit of a snag." " No beach house, no pool boys..." " Will you get a grip, Roz?" " What went wrong?" "Well, they were halfway down the aisle, Big Willy beaming proudly," "Bebe radiant, supporting him on her arm, when suddenly he clutched his heart, and slumped against Bebe's shoulder." "We were all concerned, but then he seemed all right because they kept moving on down the aisle." "But if you looked carefully, you could see Bebe's bicep bulging, and I swear I noticed daylight between Big Willy's boots and the carpet." "Once they got to the minister, the jig was up, despite her attempts to animate his features by twisting the loose skin at the back of his neck." "You know, I've never seen a woman more crushed." "I'd get her away from that balcony rail." "The doorman gets ticked if you even throw a piece of gum over the side." "Bebe, dear?" "Please, come on in." "That's a girl." "All right, let me have a look at you." "Come on, here we are." "I don't really blame you, dear." "You know, Roz and I are both upset, too." "Look at it this way, at least you're no worse off than you were before." "You don't know what I did for that man, the depraved, western-themed appetites I satisfied." "He was 85, how bad could it have been?" "Ever worn a saddle?" "Do I have to answer that?" "Bebe, there are other Big Willys out there, better ones." "Richer, older... impotent!" "Oh, dear, you always know what to say." "Well... I know what hell I've put you through over this." "I insist that you take this as a small token of my gratitude." "Oh, Bebe, really..." "Oh, look, Roz!" "It's a gold Rolex!" "Oh, my goodness..." "Bebe...where did you get this?" "Just don't wear it to the funeral." "# Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs" "# Oh my!" "# And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe..." "# But I got you pegged!" "# But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs" "# They're calling again #" "Thank you!"