"BLACK DRESS" "Faster!" "Halt!" "Faster!" "Halt!" "Halt!" "Jerzy... no... no..." "Jerzy" "Now I can talk about it with ease" "With neutrality like it doesn't concern me" "Like it wasn't my life" "Like it wasn't anyone's real life it happened 25 years ago" "The body of my husband, Jerzy remained there on tracks of a foreign station in northern France" "I was arrested and deported to the camp" "I never found out where he was buried" "But I learned to be calm" "Calm and at ease but then... when the war was over when I returned to our town and learned that Jerzy's mother survived that she's alive and waiting for us waiting for Jerzy" "then I weren't able to be calm" "I was afraid of meeting with Jerzy's mother but I couldn't avoid it" "if I met her by accident or if people told her that I'd returned than she'd immediately understood that Jerzy was dead" "Now I think it would have been for the best but then..." "I couldn't... wasn't able to" "I was afraid." "I thought that I could with the help of lies" "feed her with hope" "That's why I at last decided to meet with her" "I was waiting for you" "Please come in" "You are alone?" "So Jerzy's not here?" "Why not?" "But we arranged to meet at your place" "No." "He's not here" "Please come in" "Come in" "I live here now" "Sit down" "Take off your coat" "I don't understand why Jerzy's not here" "He didn't write to you?" "Maybe he wrote..." "but his letter never arrived" "Maybe he wrote to an old address" "Yes you're right he's written to an old address" "It can take some time for the post will find me" "Sure, I understand" "You do?" "Of course!" "Do you know how long it took Jerzy's letter to reach me or mine to get to him" "When?" "When?" "During the war" "But war's already been over some months" "So what?" "The world's still in disorder" "Why have you greeted me..." "So coldly?" "Please forgive me" "I couldn't" "I haven't found anyone" "No one knows anything about my family" "You don't know?" "Everybody knows" "They just don't want to tell you" "Maybe..." "People don't have the courage" "People don't have the courage..." "Her calm however, assured me that she didn't know anything" "That she was still awaiting Jerzy's return" "She started to ask me when I saw him last" "When I last had news from him" "What place it was" "So I told her a made up story of our parting" "My words put together a factual, probable story" "And I made sure not to betray myself by something rash" "When it appeared to me that I already sufficiently tangled up my story I said:" "And that's how we parted" "How?" "Just exactly as I told you" "But I don't understand" "It's simple Jerzy wasn't there" "What does it mean: simply?" "A man is and suddenly he's not?" "And you just call it "simply"" "On the station after leaving the train I haven't seen him anymore" "All time you were speaking about carriage and now about the train" "Because the whole train left" " But You were with Jerzy in the same carriage" " Yes" "So..." "I left the train and haven't seen him anymore" "And from that moment you haven't had any news from him?" "But Mother who told you that?" "So what happened?" "He wrote to me" "But how?" "Simply" "But how'd he get your address?" "I really don't remember now" "Well..." "I questioned various people" "And so we got in touch" "Nothing indicated that Karola was anxious" "So I settled in at her place" "We were spending all evenings leaned over newspapers reading the long columns of persons missing or looking for their relatives" "We always started with a superficial browsing of the printed pages then moving to reading name by name" "Not breathing..." "Not thinking" "In those readings bringing other unknown people salvation there was nothing to contemplate names of towns and puny settlements alongside people's names" "Despite that, we would both sit in silence till the late hours" "Karola also decided to announce in the papers that we were looking for Jerzy" "And some days later we saw our names in the familiar columns" "All Karola's dreams and desires were expressed there in common words" "Someone's skilled hand had simplified the text cleansed from it all yearning impatience, anxiety ...born on 5 August" "1917 in Warsaw resident before the war on 17 Klonowa Street" "Sought by mother and wife" "They've changed it" "They've changed the text" "How so?" "They've removed the words" "Despaired," "Begging but Mother..." "I know." "I know what you'd like to say" "Do you have a pencil?" "Here" "It's black" "I don't have another" "But you had a red one" "Yes..." "No..." "don't know where it got to" "Don't know where it is" "The paper won't reach him" "Why d'you say that?" "The post's still not working well" "So if he's still somewhere in the middle of France..." "But maybe someone who saw him will apply" "Yes of course" "You're right" "More and more people are coming back" "Through the advertisements" "Through other people" "You remember Sabina?" " Sabina?" " Yes my lady-friend" "Her son Henryk was Jerzy's friend" "Yes I remember" "I met her yesterday" "She said that Henryk turned up" "He wrote to her" "Henryk knew about Jerzy's death" "So I had to initiate his mother into my lie" "She agreed to keep silent" "She forewarned Henryk when he returned and even helped me to delude Karola" "But the main burden of lies I had to carry myself" "I tried to defend myself by silence and resignation" "I hadn't made any promises nor gave any hope" "And then Karola started to suspect that I was hiding from her something about Jerzy staying somewhere far away" "So she believed that he was still alive and that scared me the most" "But I tried, step by step, to follow her line of reasoning" "She herself was offering me new idea for lies" "There's a message from Jerzy" "What?" "There was a man here who saw him" "And?" "Speak" "All's well" "Jerzy is OK" "Where's that man?" "He was a passer by" "How's that?" "He was only here a while, just passing" "He only found me and sent greetings" "And a letter?" "No letter?" "He had no letter" "Why not?" "He couldn't know that he'd meet us" "And Jerzy also couldn't know that" "Ah yes" "Yes, Jerzy couldn't know that either" "So, where is Jerzy?" "He didn't tell me" "Didn't gave his address?" "No I forgot to ask him" "I was so stunned" "But I think I'll meet him again" "When did he see Jerzy?" "Quite recently" "Why couldn't you get some more details out of him?" "Why didn't you keep him there till I came back?" "Why let him go and loose the trail?" "Joanna!" "I was... so stunned" "Eh, it's my fault too" "I didn't explain, to always wait for me in such cases" "Yes" "Promise me that you'll do so in the future" "I promise" "You know" "I think that maybe Jerzy is ill?" "Yes" "Yes, that's possible" "Then all the more he needs our help" "It's probably why he's not writing" "It must be something serious" "Didn't that passer by tell You anything about it?" "No..." "Jerzy never was ill" "In any case you never told me anything about it" "Indeed, Jerzy never was ill" "Does Henryk know that passer by?" "I don't know" "Maybe You should ask him?" "I..." "I don't even know his name" "Why?" "You didn't ask him for his name?" "No" "If we knew his name maybe we could find him" "Yes, if only you'd asked for his name" "You can always find a man if you know his name" "Always!" "You hear me?" "I felt that one day misfortune would happen" "That thought terrified me but at the same time brought relief" "It couldn't last forever." "It had to finally end" "But still I couldn't imagine that moment which would free me from this absurd situation" "One day in Karola's words I heard, so far, unfamiliar tones" "Firstly I didn't know where she was heading but later" "I picked up on the game" "I don't want to hurt you but that thought keeps nagging me" "What thought?" "You said then that when you left the carriage" "Jerzy already wasn't there?" "Yes, because it happened like that" "Confess" "Who abandoned whom?" "Tell me" "Who abandoned whom?" " When?" " You know what I mean" "Why pretend you don't know what it's all about" "Nobody abandoned anyone" "Why think that?" "Because it's not possible that after leaving the carriage, you couldn't find each other if you wanted to" "All you've been talking about for the last two weeks is really... so improbable" "There was no passer by here" "I don't believe it" "The only truth is that you weren't together" "Only this is true" "But we were together" "But not till the end" "You'd have met if you'd really wanted to" "But I was looking for him" "So it was Jerzy who avoided meeting with you" "No he wasn't" "If he'd wanted to he would have found you" "Maybe..." "Maybe in fact it was like that" "So..." "You hid it from me" "You're no longer a married couple" "Yes..." "It's still better than what you've claimed so far" "I didn't claim anything" "You said that news from Jerzy will arrive but since you're separated from each other" "Jerzy can't bear a grudge against me" "Why not?" "Because it wasn't I who left him, it was he who left me" " When did it happened?" " Just exactly..." "When we left the carriage" "And that other woman... was already there?" "For a long time" "And you knew about her?" "And the three of you, went on that journey?" "Journey..." "A ride on an evacuation train." "You call that a journey?" "And all three of you were in that same carriage" "I loved Jerzy" "Why did it have to be like that?" "Who was that woman?" "Do I have to talk about it?" "No you don't" "Only..." "Is she Polish?" "No." "French." "That's why he's not returned" "Do you know where she lives?" "I knew..." "And now?" "Maybe she's still there or maybe she's moved" "He could write to his mother" "He should" "To me he doesn't have to, but to you he should" "Give me his last address" " I have to find it first" " Now!" "Look for it" "I had a small notebook." "All the addresses were there" " I don't know where it could be" " Tell me... approximately, where this place is" "Near what town" "I remember that..." "It was in Normandy" "He wrote from there during the war" "But what town" "I'll recall it" "Why is it such a problem to remember?" "He wrote from there only once" "Look it up" "I've looked it up" "Maybe in the wardrobe?" "Nothing here" "Maybe in the suitcase?" "What's that?" "My dress" "Black" "Yes" "But you don't wear it?" "You know that I don't" "My own is also lying somewhere" "You should air it" "Is this your notebook?" "Maybe it's this?" "No." "I was already alone there" "I taught in school" "Maybe that?" "No... not that" "I also taught there" "Why did you write all those addresses and only not this one?" "But you know that by then Jerzy didn't need me anymore" "Maybe we should look on the map?" "I doubt if we'll find it." "It was just a small village" "In which district?" "I told You already: in Normandy" "But give me some more details" "Please remember" "I will remember" "Think" "I beg you" "Please remember" "I know!" "I've remembered it" "Give it me, I'll write it" "Of course I didn't have any address" "I gave her a name of some village" "Karola wrote a letter" "I was afraid that this letter would become a source of new misfortunes that the post would return it and Karola would guess all" "Some weeks passed and there was no answer" "wanting to explain it" "I told Karola that" "Jerzy probably didn't want to get in touch with his past that he has a new family and preferred to keep silence" "These words made a big impact on her and she believed in that hypothesis" "But she didn't want to accept it" "One evening I came back home and found Karola in a horrifying condition" "I understood that her life depended now solely on my lies" "I decided to make an insane move" "Mother, can I tell you something?" "Something important" "Tell me" "Tell me even if" "No, no, no it's not what you think" " I talked with Jerzy" " How did you talk with Jerzy?" "I called him." "I remembered his address and phoned from the post" " And what?" " He's OK" " Why doesn't he write?" " He didn't receive your letter" "Impossible" "He hasn't received it" "And so?" "I gave him Your address and he promised to write" " When?" " Immediately" "When will his letter arrive?" " You know the post nowadays" " No!" "I know nothing!" "They didn't return our letter" "No, no they didn't return it" "How can he live there calmly and not try to look for us?" "For me" "It's in the depths of the country" "How he can live in such place?" "He has children" "Children?" "Two boys" "Two boys..." "Was he very happy?" "Very" "Did he ask about me?" "We were talking only about You" "How is he?" "He's OK" " What is he doing?" " Teaching at school" "And the boys?" "Jerzy is happy" "And what else?" "Then I started to hear very indistinctly and the call was cut off" "But you heard He said he'll write?" "I've told you already" "What's the name of Jerzy's wife?" "Marta" "That is a Polish name" "Beautiful name" "Is she pretty?" "Yes" "You're sorry to talk about Marta?" "No, not anymore" "Is she pleasant?" "Very" "How is she?" "Cheerful, she likes to laugh" "Good" "Very good" "Please give me the photo" "He's a father" "He's got two boys" "I'd like just to know one thing" "What?" "Why he acted like that after leaving the train?" "Why are you thinking about it?" "It's so long ago" "If it weren't for Marta, Jerzy would be here with us" "Why stir up things that ended long ago" "Don't you hold grudge against him?" "I've never held a grudge against Jerzy" "Even when he left you?" "I had to reconcile myself" "Karola calmed down a bit" "Now she bothered me with questions about Jerzy's wife" "About her looks" "On that basis she started to create an imaginary portrait of her grandchildren" "With such cleverness she saw them at once as though real" "Of course the letter from Jerzy didn't arrive" "And Karola day by day become more and more silent" "She didn't even want to hear my desperate assurances" "That chaos and postwar confusion were to blame" "I had to survive one more dramatic day" "My beloved Mother" "Today Henryk was here and brought us so much great news that it seems to us like already tomorrow we could start packing our suitcases to return home" "We miss you so much" " and are constantly thinking about you" " Mother, please it's no use" "Joanna is sitting now by my side" "I see you every night in my dreams" "Every day I see that moment when we're ringing the doorbell" "And from the end of the flat I hear your footsteps" "You ask:" "Who's there?" "and after a while we fall into Your arms, and you" "STOP IT!" "Please don't torment me" "Bad man" "Bad" "It related to Jerzy" "She started to talk about him with hate" "I thought that maybe it's better for her and for me too" "More and more frequently news about people returning known to her or unknown were reaching Karola" "More and more were returning" "So a whole circle of people initiated to my lies were formed" "I couldn't stand it any more" "One day Karola said to me" "Give me the phone number I want to call Jerzy" "How I can give you the phone number?" " Yet you called him" " Yes of course" " Now I will call" " He doesn't have telephone at home" " So how did you talk?" " He was summoned to the post office" "So I'll do the same" " But it's very difficult" " For whom?" "For you." "You'll have to wait a long time for the connection" "I've already waited too long" "No more" "Wait a bit more Jerzy clearly told me he'd write" "I can't" "It goes on too long" "It's reckless" "I don't want anything from you" "Just give me his phone number" "Jerzy forbad me" " What else have you to say?" " That I'll call him" "No" "If you're so sure that you've talked with Jerzy" " I will call" " Don't You believe me?" " When do you want to call him?" " Why are you asking?" " I just want to know" " You'll be present" " Yes" " No" "I won't agree" "I also want to be all alone" " Also?" " Yes" "When you phoned I didn't know anything" "Sabina knew and Henryk knew Everybody knew!" "Only I didn't" "You lied to me" "Everybody deluded me" "Give me that number" "Second cabin" "I repeat:" "Poznan second cabin" "Please correct it" "Yes I'm connecting" "Krakow second cabin" "Second cabin Krakow" "France first cabin" "First cabin France" "Excuse me!" "First cabin Yes for you, over there" "Hello, hello" "One moment I'm connecting" "I'd like to speak with Jerzy" "I'd like to speak with Jerzy" "I ordered a phone call with my son" "Jerzy Orlowski, Orlowski" "He is. must be" "He is there." "Definitely Orlowski" "No Madame He's not here" "It can't be" "Hello." "Hello..." "Are you there?" "But he was?" " But he was" " No Madame" "Your teacher Your teacher" "Yes?" "He's my son" " My son" " You're his mother?" "Yes, I'm his mother His mother" "Yes I'm looking for my son." "Yes speaking French" " Thank you." " Goodbye Madame" "Hello?" "Hello!" "You understood?" "Your son is healthy." "All is OK" "Are you there?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "How do you know?" "How do you know?" "From you" "I didn't tell you anything" "It was my last test" "You see?" "It succeeded" "Tell me" "How it happened" "Nothing more" "Nothing more"