"THE HALF BROTHER" "Before I came into the world, there was only Mom, Dad and Fred." "And the Buick." "Because Dad got what he wanted." "Fred got permission to ride with him." "Dad demonstrated the radio and the roof that went up and down." "The Andrew Sisters sang and they drove slowly down Kirkeveien," " past Edith in the shop." "She had also got nylons." "And soon she would gossip about Vera and Arnold all over Fagerborg." "They went to Grefsenkollen." "It was an excursion that none of them would forget, though nothing happened." "Maybe they ate apple cake and Mom fell for Dad." "They had the finest car in town and Fred had never been happier." "Not before or since." "Unfortunately I can't ask you over." "I'm currently staying at a lowly hostel." "I've searched the whole city since I came home from America." "Not even the hotels have space for me." "But when I was in New York, I stayed at the Astoria." "Have you heard of the Astoria?" "They carry your suitcase right to your door, and the suite had four rooms." "At the hostel there are three of us in one room." "One of them is a drinker and keeps us others awake." "I'll talk to Mom." "I'll talk to the Old One, too." " Do you think it's serious?" " Well, she can't afford to be choosy." "Neither can he." " Can we read Great-granddad's letter?" " Of course!" "Come here, Fred." "Sit here and we'll read." "That's it, make yourself comfortable." "Now let's see..." " Shall we read the bit about the ox?" " Yes." ""The Captain and I and five men went ashore to try and capture a calf."" ""There was a calf, but we couldn't get close to it"" ""before the other oxen saw us." "There were 15 or 16 of them,"" ""and they moved in close together with the calf in the middle,"" ""and all of them began snorting and scraping like mad bulls."" "Was it a musk ox that killed Great-granddad?" "Wilhelm isn't dead, Fred." "He just went so far on the ice that he didn't come back." " Shall we continue with the oxen?" " Yes!" ""Thus, we returned to the ship empty-handed,"" ""much to the amusement of all those on board..."" "A little gift for the hosts." "When you turn the power switch, you get no less than a wash, spin and emptying, in that order." "In addition, the machine has an adjustable heating element, automatic pump, a pulsator in the side wall and a stainless steel lid." "Why are you just standing there?" "Bring me the dirtiest things you have." "Or let me say, bring me the nicest things you have." "Five... four... three... two... one." "Magic." "It's better than new." "Amazing!" "Fantastic!" "I'd like to contribute to the housekeeping money." "Thank you!" "There's a cash box in the hall." "It's for our life insurance." "What shop sells washing machines at 7:00 in the morning?" "Let's say a customer chose to pay me with a washing machine." " What do you live on, Arnold Nilsen?" " Me?" "I live on life." "And you do that every day from 9 to 5?" "And sometimes at night, too?" " What's this?" " Long lunch break." "The weather was so nice we decided to shoot outdoors." " I don't have to be back until 2:30." " How nice!" " Why are you lying like that?" " It helps promote conception." " Why is having kids so important?" " Isn't it important to you?" "Yes... yes." "I want my child to be happy." "Not like how we grew up." " I was happy." " Oh yeah?" "When?" " When were you happy?" " When the Old One read the letter." "And when Boletta drank Malaga." "And when my father was out of town and I could sleep with Mom." "And I was happy when I met you." " What should we call him?" " Who?" " Or her?" " It?" "I don't know." "Something ordinary." " So not Humphrey?" " Humphrey Nilsen?" "No." " No?" " No!" "I have to go." "Lunch is over." " The coffee isn't ready yet." " I can wait." " Secretary sick today?" " Isn't that a bit familiar, Boletta?" "So, are you happy down here?" "I'm happy at home." "I work here." " What's it like being a grandmother?" " Wonderful!" "He's a good boy." "Milk." "Sugar." "Thank you." "Thank you." " Are you following me?" " Of course." "Why?" "Do you think I have another woman besides Vera?" "I don't know what kind of a man you are, Arnold Nilsen." "I just know you have to be gentle with Vera and Fred." "They're very fragile." "Do you hear me?" "Fred Jebsen!" "Fred!" "Mix it up a little." "Don't just jab." "That's good!" "Very good." "Straighten that left arm!" "Nilsen?" "The half brother?" " Thinking of starting boxing?" " No, I'm looking for Fred." " Is he in town?" " He's been here." "Well, he hasn't been here." "Keep your guard up!" " Sorry!" " That's OK." "I just thought I'd start here." "We're trying to find out why he came home." " Your mother all right?" " Fine." "She misses Fred, of course." "Relax your neck!" "Relax your neck." "That's good." "One, two, one, two." "Come on!" "Ten seconds." "It was many years ago, but he said he was heading north." "Hitchhiking from the Sinsen Interchange." "I swore not to tell." " And yet you did." " Not much to swear on anymore." "Don't be so sure." "You might have a champion in there." "THE HOPE OF FAGERBORG" "No chance of that." " What was your name again?" " Barnum." " Did you say Barnum?" " Correct." "That's what we decided." " Is Barnum a name?" " It's a name as good as any other." " You're from northern Norway?" " From Røst, where Norway ends." "They must be a little freer with names up there." "Down here we have limits." "The Name Law forbids any name that can be a burden to the poor child." " Can't we call him something else?" " We're calling him Barnum." "Damn it!" "Back home there was a guy called Misery." "That would suit you quit well." "Come on, let's baptise our son." "Look, there's the car." " Hi!" " Fred made a fishing pole." " You could teach him to fish in Røst." " Why learn how to fish?" " You buy fish in the shop." " Come on!" "Let's go aboard." "Arnold?" "Arnold?" "Arnold?" "Arnold, wake up now!" "Oh, Arnold, Arnold." "You're not just embarrassing yourself, you're embarrassing me too." "Arnold, don't just stand there sleeping!" "Arnold doesn't need to gut fish, he's going to town to sell wind." "Is that what you told Professor Holst?" "Is that why he broke your nose?" "Look at him." "He looks like a boxer." "Like that guy who boxes in America." "Otto von Porat." "Except half the size." "Can you get to work already?" "Thrown out of school, too short to row, this is all you're good for." "You might as well just throw him overboard." "What did you mean about selling wind?" "Arnold..." "Arnold!" " What is that smell?" " Stockfish, my dear." "The heavenly scent of the fishing net." "If it isn't Arnold coming home!" "And if it isn't Misery heading the welcoming committee!" "Where are Evert and Aurora?" "Come with me." "Aurora passed away in winter '46- Evert followed suit around Pentecost." "We follow those we love." "No one could find you to tell you what happened." "I want a nice memorial to my parents." "A sarcophagus as big as the biggest stones here, filled with ocean sand." " And their names carved in marble!" " That will be expensive." "Let it cost what it will and more." "Send the bill to Arnold Nilsen, Oslo!" "You are very welcome to stay with me." "No, dear friend." "We'll stay at the family home." "They should make suitcases with wheels." "May I have a moment alone?" " He's hot!" " Because you've got such a fire going." "Arnold?" "We need to fetch the priest." "A stupor!" "Perhaps the boy is in a stupor." " Is that deadly?" " I don't know about deadly..." "But I wouldn't exactly recommend falling into a stupor." " But he's closer to life than death." " So he's not dead?" "Didn't you see how the surface of the brandy rocked like the sea?" "I'll be happy to show you again, bring the bottle!" "Would you have preferred me to stick a hatpin into the boy, to see if his heart is pumping?" "Come and see!" "You see!" "His little heart is beating." "Thank you God!" "Do you think Aurora and I will be blessed with more children, Reverend?" "Only God can say." "But don't get your hopes up." " Evert, don't." " He's in a stupor." " He might wake up." " You heard the priest." "He won't." "I only have half a son." "That's not enough." "He's a heavy cross to bear, he was even when he was alive." "But in this state he's unbearable." "Dad once said that those were the best weeks of his childhood." ""I was a prince, lying there." "No, I was a king."" ""I was treated like a king," he said." ""Believe me, I can recommend a stupor"" ""to anyone who wants a little peace and quiet."" ""It's fantastic." "It's like staying in a hotel."" "When Dad woke up, he wrote a letter to Evert and Aurora." "It was brief." ""Dear Mom!" "I've gone away."" ""I'll come back when it's time, or nor at all."" ""Say hello to Dad." "Love, Arnold!"" "Welcome home!" " I'd like to have met your folks." " They'd have wondered how I got you." "I would have said you made me laugh." "You're too good for me!" " Hey, fatso!" " Hey, beanpole!" "Come in!" " Isn't Vivian at home?" " No, she's at work." " Beer?" " Yes, please." "Nice to see you working." "Say, Barnum, let me just sound out the market." "You're a busy scriptwriter." " What do you want out of life?" " What do I want?" "I don't know." "Food, water, air." "A place to live, friends, maybe Stensparken." "But you need a watch and you need a pen, don't you?" " OK?" " Right?" " Isn't this completely brilliant?" " What is it?" " It's a pen watch?" " No, it's not a pen watch!" "It's a watch pen." "I've invested everything in the next big thing." " You didn't actually invest in this!" " Didn't I?" "I bought 50,000." " You didn't buy 50,000 of these!" " I bought 50,000 watch pens." "You and I are going to make a bundle." "I can be your agent, sell your scripts in Hollywood. "Mr. Barnum Nilsen."" "We can go on holiday, we can go anywhere." " I have a meeting, what time is it?" " It's 2:20." "I need to take notes, got a pen?" "Idiot!" "Hi." " There was one more thing." " OK?" "Fred said he wanted to find out if what he had done was right or wrong." "Did he say what he had done?" "He said he'd killed two people." " I'm leaving now." " OK." " Are you writing about Fred?" " If I talk about it, it won't happen." "Sorry." " You are writing about Fred." " No, I'm not." " Where are you shooting today?" " The National Hospital." "Maybe I can read something you've written one day?" "I always used to." " Of course you can." " When?" "When I have something that's ready to be read." "See you." "Hi, I'm Barnum Nilsen." "Do you have a Ditlev Jacobsen working there?" "So, Fred Nilsen, the Hope of Fagerborg, is missing?" ""Boxer disappeared." "Mommy missed him." Is that your story?" "Sorry Barnum, I have a murder at Grünerløkka." "He's killed two people." "Come over here." "Oh merciful God, we thank You for the great miracle of life and for this child whom we are baptising today." "Watch over him and give him a future and hope." "By the Word of our Lord Jesus Christ," "I baptise you Barnum." "In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." "Amen!" "The boy's name is Barnum Nilsen!" "You've been a good person, to me and to others." " I'm not better or worse than anyone." " You are one of the better ones." " And I'd like to ask a favor." " Yes?" "I'd like to ask your forgiveness." "For what?" "For losing your parents?" "I'm just asking your forgiveness for my misdeeds." "Tell me what kind of misdeeds God will charge you with." "He keeps account." "I'd rather ask you if God can forgive anything." " Yes, God can forgive anything." " Thank you." "That's all I wanted to know." " Where did this weather come from?" " Welcome to Røst!" "Why didn't you baptise your eldest son here?" " He's Vera's firstborn." " So you're just a half brother." "Has she been married before, or does the boy not have a father?" "Barnum has a father." "Fred!" " What is it?" " My name isn't Nilsen." "It's Jebsen." "No, your name is Nilsen, too." "Just like your brother." "He's only my half brother." "I like Jebsen better." " Arnold wants to be your father too." "I doubt that." "But I will always be your mother, Fred, and that's enough for me." "Vera!" "Vera, shall we go for a drive?" "Come along, Fred!" "Come, Barnum." "Hop in the back, Fred!" " Here you are!" " Thank you!" " Is Fred talking again?" " Yeah." " What does he say?" " Nothing." "Make sure your brother doesn't eat everything." "He's only my half brother." " What is it?" " I won't talk with food in my mouth." "But why are you so pissed off?" " What did you tell the old hag?" " Edith?" " So you're on a first name basis now?" " I don't remember what I said." " You will if you just think a little." " Honestly, Fred, I don't know." " Why do I remember it if you don't?" "I don't know." "Is that why you're pissed off?" " Are you stupid?" " No, I don't know." "Come on, please!" "Please?" " Time is running out, kiddo." " Don't talk like that, Fred!" "You want me to tell you exactly what you said?" " You said thank you." " Thank you?" " You fucking said thank you." " So?" " You are stupid after all." " I'm not!" " How do you say?" " Mom says so." " What does Mom say about me?" " The same thing." " Whose is that?" " Ours, I guess." "But you can have it." " Why say thank you for our money?" " I don't know." "I just said it." "Well think better of it next time, OK?" "I don't want to have a brother who makes a fool of himself." "I'm thirsty." " What would you like, Barnum?" " A freeze pop." "Red." "OK." "Here you are!" "It's ours." "Nothing to thank you for." "You're learning!" " No, you can have it." " Thank you!" " Remember what I asked yesterday?" " No." " You don't remember?" " No." " Shall I ask you again?" " Yes." "Do you want me to kill your father for you, Barnum?"