"[ Whistling ]" "[ Kolchak Narrating ] It was Goethe who said we love girls for what they are." "Well, even the great Goethe could have learned something... from the tale that took place on the campus of Illinois State Tech." "May 1 0, 1 1:02- Don Rhiner, the school's star running back... and candidate for All-American was out for a drive." "Don never did make All-American." "Let's walk, Don." "Sure." "[ Laughter ]" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Screaming ]" "[ Screaming Continues ]" "[ Kolchak Narrating ] May 1 1, 1 0:00 a.m." "I wasn't too choked up with Vincenzo sending me to an alderman's press conference, so when I caught the police report of two bodies being found... on the I.S. T. campus lake, it gave me an excuse" "that, and running out of gas, which I didn't plan." "[ Police Chatter On Radio ]" "No signs of trauma on either one of them." "No address on the girl." "But we know she was a hype." "Look at the spike tracks on her arm." "That look on Rhiner's face" "Yeah, I know." "Just like that other student we found Thursday" " Burdett." " Like he was scared to death." " We're gonna have to keep that under wraps, before somebody blows it up into another Hindenburg disaster." "Don't worry." "Report's got Burdett dead of natural causes." "Heart attack." "Now this kid too?" "Well, there's no law against dropping dead." "Captain, what do you think's going on?" "[ Woman ] Excuse me, Captain." "How long have you been here?" "Who, me?" " How long?" " Oh." "Uh" """No law against dropping dead."" "You put that on the wire and I'll have you eighty-sixed permanently." "I was just passing through." "Captain, I'm Rosalind Winters." "Just a minute,just a minute." "You want to take another trip in a police car, Kolchak?" "I'm Rosalind Winters and- J-Just hush up." "Will you shut up?" "I take it the department has a formal writ to suppress, huh?" " Who signed it?" "Who issued it, huh?" "Who?" " I'm Rosalind Winters, reporter for the Blue Monitor." " The blue what?" " The Blue Monitor- the campus weekly." " Do you have a comment to make?" " Well?" " Yeah, but you couldn't print it." " [ Laughs ]" "Come on, Mark." "Come on, let's go." "Hi there." "My name's Carl Kolchak." "We haven't met." "You're" "Mark Hansen." "Mark Hansen, yes." "You were a friend of the deceased, weren't you?" "Yeah." "Yes, could you tell me" "Look, Kolchak, I gotta tell you something." "Some people dream about retiring." "Uh-huh." "I dream about breaking your face." "[ Kisses ] I love you too, Siska." "Listen." "How's your therapy coming along?" "A-okay?" "Shut up." "[ Laughing ]" "Absolutely bananas." "Oh!" "Uh- Oh, excuse me." "Blue Bird- Blue Monitor." "Blue Monitor." "Yeah." "Where's the nearest gas station?" "About a mile that way." "About a mile that way." "You wouldn't happen to have a set of wheels, would you?" "Sure." "Come on." "Yeah?" "[ Laughs ]" "Listen." "When I said ""wheels," I meant four." "Mm-hmm." "Fill it up?" "You know, I've been thinking, Kolchak." "Now you and I could work together on this story, because I know this campus inside out." "Sorry." "I always work alone." "Work alone, walk alone." "What, now wait." "Wait a minute." "Let's talk." "Let's talk." "Yeah, we can talk in the cafeteria next week." "Talk or walk, Kolchak." "Well, all right, all right." "We'll talk." "We'll talk." "But you talk first, right?" "I mean, I'm new around here." "You're supposed to know this campus backwards." "Well, it's weird, you know?" "I mean, finding Don Rhiner by that girl's body?" "They found Pete Burdett with a dead girl too." " Well, I didn't hear that." " Well, a good reporter has her contacts." " Who was the girl?" "Where was she from?" "What'd she die of?" " Uh, I'm" " I'm working on that." "How about some facts?" "Some names?" "Dates?" "Was she dressed, was she nude, was she half nude?" "What?" "I don't know." "What about, uh- What's his name?" "Burdett?" "Burdett, yeah, and Rhiner?" "They have any previous history of heart attack?" "I don't know!" "What kind of reporter are you?" "I said I was working on it." "When you finish working on it and you get some facts, let me know." "Some collaboration." "Some reporter." "Well, aren't you gonna" "Wait, wait." "Where you- Wait a minute!" "Hey, wait!" "I can't understand why the Coaches' Association is interested in all this." "We're building a file on unusual heart disease cases, Coach." "You see- I'll be out in a minute." "Now-Now, Coach, you claim that Don Rhiner... was in perfect physical condition, right?" "Right, right." "And that you checked out Pete Burdett's medical history, and he was a picture of health when he tried out for the swimming team, right?" "Actually, Burdett never made the team." "No?" "You see, his butterfly stroke was like an effeminate moth." " Oh, pity." " Both those boys had perfect E.K.G.'s." "Then how do you explain two young men- two perfect physical specimens- dropping dead from a heart attack?" "Do you want the usual rationalization, or can you handle the truth?" "No, I can handle the truth, Coach." "Always the truth." "Don Rhiner was a playboy, and he paid the price- bacteria." " Bacteria?" "Germ-You mean germs?" "What kind of germs?" " Take your pick." "You see, I'll tell you what I tell all my boys." "There's a war going on, right here inside the body." "Right here, huh?" "Right." "And there are only two basic game plans:" "Absolute physical hygiene, and the other?" "Tuna fish?" "Tuna fish." "[ Kolchak Narrating ] 1 0:25." "Craig Donnelly and Betty Walker arrived at Donnelly's apartment... after dinner and a few too many glasses of champagne." "[ Switch Clicking ]" "Wait right here, okay?" "Okay." "The bubbly had tasted good, but for Betty Walker it might as well have been strychnine." "And away we go!" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Donnelly ] I need an ambulance." "Hurry.!" "1 87 Felicity Street." "Oh!" "[ Coughing, Gagging ]" "[ Kolchak Narrating ] The same night, 1 1:00 p.m." "The on-campus living quarters of archaeology professor C. Evan Spate." "Spate, a recipient of a coveted Pace Institute grant, and his student assistant, Mark Hansen, were attempting to discover the meaning... in a piece of clay some 1 0,000 years old." "You don't really seem to be with it tonight, Mark." "Why don't you knock off?" "Yeah, I'm sorry, Dr. Spate." "I guess I'm more upset about Don Rhiner's death than I thought." "Yeah." "I think I will knock off." "It's coming along." "Yes, it is." "Good night, Mark." "Good night." "[ Kolchak Narrating ] On the night of May 1 1, they would both make a discovery." "Yes?" "Hi." "You don't know me, but I wanted to meet you, and I didn't know anyone to introduce us." "So, uh" "Am I interrupting anything?" "No." "No, not at all." "Come on in." "Can I tell you something dumb?" "Mm-hmm." "I want to touch your face." "I've seen it so many times." "I just want to convince myself I'm really here." "Touch away." "It's a fine face." "Now what time did you see the girl come into this room?" "It was about 1 1:00, 1 1:30." "Yeah, the news was just off the air." "Mm-hmm." "You never saw her before, huh?" "No." "Chicks float in and out of this building like pollen." "But her, now her I'd remember, but I don't." "[ Siska ] Her name was Betty Walker." "Does that ring a bell?" "[ Student ] Nope." "She resided at 602 Weyland Avenue, North Side." "Is that a popular address for the boys in this frat?" "No." "And it's ""fraternity." We don't call it a frat anymore." "Don't get lippy with me, boy." "I might be tempted to go into your room and kind of poke around." "Might find some funny vegetables in there." "[ Coroner] Captain, the girl has a major contusion at the base of her skull." "I think we can attribute death to a severe blow." "What about the boy?" "Well, we're gonna need some more tests, but you can see for yourself the look on his face." "Same as the others- scared." "Kolchak!" "I'm Rosalind Winters, reporter" "I know who you are!" "Siska, you can't have that cassette!" "You get your hands- You can't have that cassette!" "You can't interfere with the law." "You can't do that!" "That's an abridgement of the First and the Fourth Amendment." "You can't- One more word out of you, and I will book you on illegal entry." "Now you get out of here." "I'm gonna bring you up on charges with the ACLU." "And take Tonto with you." "Go, Tonto!" "[ Shouting ]" "Aw, shut up!" "Big fink ought to go back into therapy." "Hey, Kolchak, you still owe me." "Consider ourselves even, Tonto." "Well, what about that lunch you promised me?" "[ Kolchak Narrating ] May 1 1, 1 2:1 5 p.m." "My first stop had been Betty Walker's apartment." "Number two was an address furnished me by Betty's roommate- the apartment of Craig H. Donnelly." "So then what happened?" "I ran up to that phone and called for an ambulance." "When I came back down, she was gone." "Well, maybe- Maybe she was still conscious." "I spent three years in Vietnam." "I know when someone's dead- and Betty was dead." "How could she just disappear like that?" "Maybe somebody carted her off." "What, in 30, 40 seconds?" "No way." "Besides, this place was quiet- deserted." "All I know is, I'll never forget seeing her gone." "And that smell." "What smell?" "You ever been around a war, Kolchak?" "Yeah, a couple of them." "Then maybe you'll know what I'm talking about." "Smells like death." "Oh, yeah." "[ Chattering ]" "Good afternoon." "Wait your turn, please." "May I... help you?" "Yeah." "My name's Kolchak." "I'm with Internal Affairs." "I've come for those records." "What records?" "What do you mean, what records?" "You mean to tell me that P.R. didn't contact you through I.A.?" "What's the matter?" "Are you new here or something?" "P.R. never goes through I.A. What?" "Sure, P.R. can go to G.S., and then go through I.A., but never directly." "Well, that's exactly what I meant." "Now, I've got a court order here for the school records... of Peter Burdett and Don Rhiner and Mark Hansen." "One more step, and I put a staple... right through that necktie to your backbone." "You'd do it too." "All court orders have to go through C.L.D." "That's the blue long form,JS-6, with Dean Sweeney's initials." "You know, the long blue form." "Mm-hmm." "They may try to give you a short yellow and palm that off on you." "Don't let 'em do it." "You tell 'em you want a JS-6, you hear me?" "Mm-hmm." "Security?" "I thought you said I.A." "As far as anybody else is concerned around here, I am I.A." "Oh." "Oh." "Ah!" "Nobody goes in there." "All right." "Now you just fill out this form, nice and legibly." "Mm-hmm." "Okay." "[ Muttering ] No." "I said legibly." "Legibly." "Okay." "K-O-L- [ Muttering ]" "Good?" "Mm-hmm." "Good." "Forms 22" """They bombed in London's theater district." Nine letters." "I thought you said crossword puzzles were for fools." "Well, I do have to check on people's work around here, don't I?" "Even though it's very boring." """They bombed in London's theater district."" "Let's see." "Oh!" "The Old Vic." "The Old Vic Company." "Something like that." ""Luftwaffe. '" Right!" "You see, Mr. Vincenzo, every puzzle has to have a theme, and the theme of this puzzle is World War II." "Oh, how cheery." "Have you screwed up the filing system again?" "Of course." "Well, Kolchak, welcome home." "Now where have you been all day?" "At the county morgue, for one place." "What a gala group this is." "You come in and out as you please." "You're a regular bon vivant, aren't you?" "Tony, did you know that Don Rhiner, the All-American prospect from Tech, was found dead..." " of a heart attack at age 20?" " Yes." "I don't want to hear anything more about it." " You already know about it then?" " Yeah, with a girl, right?" "It's tragic." "It's very tragic." "Yeah." "That kid could really find a hole and go right through the line." "Yeah, but the girl is the interesting part, Tony." "You see, her name was Marlene Franks." "She was a junkie." "She died from an overdose eight hours- I don't want to hear about it." "Eight hours before Don Rhiner died." "Now last week, Peter Burdett, another healthy student, was found dead in the arms of a girl, but she had been dead from a brain aneurysm." " Huh?" "Now, they didn't release that, Tony." " Well, no wonder." "In the '60s, the kids used to bust windows and pelt Marine recruiters with rotten fruit." "Now that was bad enough." "But today it seems that every school is an extension campus of Weirdsville University." " No, no, Tony" " It's days like this that make me wish I'd stuck to playing the drums." "I didn't know you played." "Oh, back in the '40s in college, sure." "Playing drums?" "You playing drums?" "Yes, that's right." "You haven't got a syncopated bone in your body." "You walk off-rhythm." "What are you talking about?" "I had a band of my own- Tony Vincenzo's Neapolitans." "We won the Westchester County battle-of-the-bands contest in 1 940." "And our rendition of""Stomping at the Savoy"... brought the house down." " I'll bet it did." " Yes, it did." "Should have stuck to it." "Lately I've been getting very disheartened with the news service." " Wait a minute, Tony." " I don't want to hear any more morbidity." "Yeah, well, who does?" "But, Tony, last night another kid, named Mark Hansen" "[ Shouts ] You're sending me into a blue funk." "He got- He-He-He got killed too." "Now Hansen had been working as an associate, helping out Professor C. Evan Spate, an archaeologist..." "So?" "who's busy deciphering some ancient clay tablets... that were discovered in the Near East by Dr.Julius Whitehead." "Whitehead-Julius Whitehead?" "Yeah." "Didn't we carry an item on him recently?" "He found something in a desert somewhere and went bananas?" " Yeah." "Iraq." " What?" " He went bananas in Iraq." " He should have stayed in Chicago." "The same thing would have happened." "He would have saved travel expenses and jet lag." "That's only part of what happened to this Whitehead expedition." "It says here in the article that he had two assistants that" "Basta." "Basta, Carl." "Basta." "That's enough." "Enough." "Now the conversation is over." " Now, look." "I've considered a shift in policy." " Shift?" "Why should we always accentuate the gruesome and the sensationalism?" "I think we might be very happy, and probably take a chunk out of our competition... if we tried, really tried, to seek out the good news." " Good news?" " Carl, wrap up the story you're working on." "Bring it to an upbeat conclusion." "Then find out what and who is responsible for the death of those fine American young boys." "You understand that?" "And then tell the public that the campuses... are all cleaned up." "And then I'm gonna find an assignment for you... that's gonna be uplifting and happy." "Upbeat." "Happy." "Yeah." "What would you say to a feature series... about the wit and humor of Chicago?" "Bone-tickling anecdotes of the city's history." "He didn't have to go to the desert." "And I think that" "[ Kolchak ] Yes, that's excellent, and that" "Oh, yeah, no doubt of that." "Yes, yes." "Fascinating, fascinating." "May I say, by the way, that you're a very generous man?" "You're to be congratulated for having a younger, inexperienced man like Mark" "Uh, what was his name?" "Mark Hansen." "Hansen, yes." "Allowing him to participate in this important project." "You know what I was doing with Mark, Mr. Kolchak?" "No, actually, I don't." "I was trying to give him a taste of antiquity, hoping he'd catch the bug, as it were." "It is infectious, isn't it?" "Yeah." "Yes." "Now, Professor, as we understand it, you're on a grant from a medical science institute... to translate this tablet, is that correct?" "Yes." "Uh" "Whitehead, as you know, stumbled over this..." "Stumbled." "in the Lower Valley between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers of Iraq." "Yes, yes, the Mesopotamian Empire." "At first, this tablet was thought to be just a remnant of the Dead Sea finds, but these symbols are definitely Sumerian." "Mm-hmm!" "Hmm!" "Oh, yes, absolutely Sumerian, yeah." "Now, as you can see also, it's only about a quarter of the way complete, but it seems to be some sort of, uh, religious rite or, uh, maybe even a form of recipe." "[ Kolchak ] Recipe,yes,yes." "I can see that,yes." "I notice the symbol for "mint'".." "that you've translated so very well down here." "Mm-hmm." "Yes, it's probably some preparation for lamb." "Uh, yeah." "Yes." "I, uh- One of these symbols no doubt translates as ""jelly."" "Hmm." "Yeah." "Mint jelly." "But I haven't been able to crack it yet." "Oh, well, you will in time." "But I doubt very much it was jelly, actually." "You see, they had no gelatinous substance at that time, except, of course, calves' feet." "They didn't use that very much." "[ Chuckles ]" "I would assume it would be a sauce- mint sauce." "The mint here has nothing to do with leg of lamb, Mr. Kolchak." "This formula is concerned with the rendering and the minting... of precious metals by divine means." "Oh, yes, I- You don't really work for the Archaeological Quarterly, do you?" "Well, yes, of course." "Certainly I do." "Yes." "Yes." "Part-time." "Uh-huh." "What occupies you full-time?" "Independent News Service." "Oh, yeah, right." "I'd like you to leave, Mr. Kolchak." "You can be sure that I'll be talking to your editor about this little charade." "Oh, good." "He's in the mood for some bone-tickling anecdotes." "But let me bring up something to your attention that's not so funny." "According to student records, not only did the late Mark Hansen work for you, but Peter Burdett was in a class that you teach." "And the late Don Rhiner was one of Mark's best friends." "The police have already talked to me about that coincidence." "There wasn't much I could offer them." "Oh." "Oh." "They apologized for taking my time, then they left." "I'd like you to do the same." " Maybe you could offer me something on another coincidence." " Would you get up out of that chair, please?" "The bad luck the Whitehead expedition appeared to be plagued with" "It seems that his young assistant dropped dead of a heart attack too." "I can't explain that." "I am an archaeologist, not a cardiologist." " Would you please leave!" " Well, I can't." "You see, the door's locked." " Give me that film." " What film?" "I'm not going to get physical with you, but I'll tell you this." "If you even attempt to publish a photograph of that tablet," "I'll sue those seersucker pants right off your can." "Now get out of here!" "Dr. Spate, could you tell me, why do you think a man ofJulius Whitehead's reputation... suddenly went berserk in the Iraqi desert?" "If you knew Whitehead, you'd understand that he went berserk long before he got to Iraq." "Some of us are scientists, Mr. Kolchak, but all Whitehead ever had going for him was dumb, blundering luck." "But if you look around, you'll see that he's not here to translate the tablet." " I am." " Congratulations." "I'm going." "[ Sighs ]" "[ Kolchak Narrating ] May 1 2, 5:45 p.m." "Maria Vanegas, 20, entertainer in an after-hours cafe, was perpetually tired from the hours she kept." "When she arrived home early that morning, she'd put on some coffee, stretched out to rest her eyes," "[ Gas Hissing ] and waited for the gas burner to get the coffee good and hot." "The coffee never got hot, and Maria grew very, very cold." "[ Sniffing ]" "[ Knocks ] Maria?" "[ Knocks ] Maria?" "Que pasa?" "Maria?" "[ Coughing ]" "Maria." "Dios mio." "Carlos!" "Carlos!" "Ven pronto.!" "Carlos.!" "Carlos.!" "Carlos.!" "Carlos, ven pronto." "Que paso?" "Maria esta muerta." "Muy pronto." "[ Shouting ]" "[ Groans, Murmurs ]" "[ Chuckling ]" """Asmodeus, chief of demons, creator of all lesser demons, both male and female."" "Hey!" "I could use that." "How do you spell his name, this Asmo-what's-it?" "Oh, Asmodeus?" "Yeah, Asmo- A-S-M-O-D-E-U-S." "Asmodeus." "Eight letters, honey." "Eight letters, eight letters." "Mm-hmm." "Uh, chief of demons." "That's right, chief of demons." """Like their creator Asmodeus," """demons can take on many guises," """but are often pictured as horrible creatures..." """accompanied by a foul stench..." """which they give off at moments of diabolic excitement or activity- a stench of corruption, rot and noxious brimstone."" "Brimstone!" "Oh, great." "I can use that." """Ahra Manyu-Ahra Manyu."" "All right, listen up." "Listen up, everybody." "Ahra Manyu?" "Listen up." "I just dropped my idea in the well, and you should have heard the splash it made with New York." "From now on, we are gonna make our best effort to write our stories... with dignity, grace and humor." "And we are gonna devote as much time as we can to finding stories... that are dignified and graceful and humorous in the main." "Aha! ""Arhu Manyu." Aha." """Persian for Eblis, the devil, the prince of fiends."" "Carl, Carl." "What station are you tuned into?" "What?" "How is the prince of fiends gonna fit into my new directives?" "How is it gonna do that?" "Oh, well, the three students that were killed out at Tech?" "Well, they were all related, more or less, to Dr, Spate, you know, who's translating the Sumerian cuneiform... in the Whitehead tablet." "Yeah, oh, here's what- Here's what the tablet says." "I got a picture of it." """The prince of fiends decrees." "The chief of demons executes."" "No, listen to this, Tony." "Listen to this." """Death shall reside throughout"- Someone, something." "See, I can't translate that." "It hasn't been translated yet." "Someone- Uh, ""She shall have reign." See, Tony?" "Carl, I don't care what the tablet actually is, whether it's an ancient guest record of the ""Nebanezzar" Motel or what." "Nebuchadnezzar." "Now" " Now" "How is this drivel gonna help you... write up your story and complete it, about these terrible deaths?" "Well, it-it says that she shall have reign, Tony." "Now, who is ""she"?" "I mean, all these kids were found with their arms around dead women, but nobody knows how they got there." "Carl, this doesn't make any sense at all." "It is not dignified." "It is not graceful." "It is a downer- a downer!" "You know- You know something?" "I think the good Dr. Spate might know." "I mean, he's been living with those tablets." "I'll have to talk to him about it." "Carl, look." "Ron has been doing some preliminary research... on humorous anecdotes about Chicago's past." "Terrific." "Now I wish you two would get your heads together... and try to cooperate for a change." "I have an item." "[ Clears Throat ] Good." "What is it?" """In 1 804, before"- Ron?" "Will you get your book off my desk, please?" "Thank you very much." "[ Clears Throat ]" """In 1 804, before Illinois gained statehood," """Territorial Governor Isaac Lipton..." """declared on Christmas Eve..." "Yes?" """that all prisoners in the territorial prison..." """should receive a pardon." "Yes?" """As soon as the pardon was put into effect, one malefactor" """a Samuel Coggins- Mm-hmm." """went to the governor's home to thank him." """He was invited to dinner, served some alcohol," """and wound up robbing the governor at gunpoint... and burning the house to the ground." [ Radio Chatter, Indistinct ]" "[ Man ] No sign of deceased." "Please contact Homicide Unit Baker 80." "Repeat:" "Unit Charlie Delta 4, we've got an accidental death at 404 North Von Steuben." "No sign of deceased." "Please contact Homicide Unit Baker 80." "Did you hear that?" "Huh, Tony?" "Did you hear that?" "Another vanishing corpse." "I tell you." "We're in luck." "It's terrific!" "Another vanishing corpse." "Another vanishing corpse and he gets excited." "Another vanishing corpse." "That's all New York has to hear about." "Another vanishing corpse!" "That'll do it!" "All right, the girl was probably still alive, and you came in, you opened the window." "The air revived her and she got up and she walked away." "No, senor." "I have worked in a hospital for ten years now." "I know the dead when I see them." "Is this the lady, ma'am?" "Yes, that is Maria." "There ought to be a law that only police can have police radios." "Write your congressman." "Did you smell something rotten when you came in?" "Well, of course she did." "She smelled gas." "No, senor." "Not gas." "It was... horrible." "Aha!" " What does the stink have to do with it?" " I don't know yet." "I'm not sure." "But do you have an answer as to why three young males should drop dead from coronaries?" "Yeah." "You remember the Tomosito-Bockner murders?" "Yeah." "Remember how we all thought they were heart attacks?" "A couple of years later it was proven it was a massive overdose of cyanide delivered at close range." "Are you telling me that the mob killed these kids?" "Murder, Incorporated goes to college?" "Come on." "What about the girls?" "Obviously a psychotic involved." "Oh, so now it's no longer Murder, Incorporated, it's a lunatic." "All right, let's just follow this thing through." "This lunatic follows Murder, Incorporated around the campus, and then, whenever they give a kid a snootful of cyanide, this nut- this loony- puts a girl's corpse down next to the body so it doesn't get lonesome." "Carstairs, will you get this man out of here!" "I'm going, I'm going." "If that's your story, I think that you're gonna need a little more work on it." "Out!" "[ Knocking ] It's open." "[ Door Opens, Closes ]" "Ah, Michael." "Good of you to come." "It's my pleasure." "[ Chuckles ]" "Well" " Uh" "What do you think?" "Tickle the old curiosity?" "Yes." "It sure does." "How's your extracurricular schedule?" "It's not too heavy." "Too bad about Mark Hansen, but with him gone, I'll need another assistant." "Life does go on, Michael." "Look, uh, I appreciate the opportunity." "Good." "Okay." "For a start, why not go over to the anthropology lab... and get a copy of Whitehead's Persia" "Michael." "Where are your manners?" "Who is this incredibly beautiful creature?" "I just met her at the bookstore." "She's really something, isn't she?" "Uh, Maria?" "Well, please, come in." "Professor, this is, uh" "This is Maria Vanegas." "Well, my pleasure." "[ Chuckling ]" "[ Laughing ]" "Now, why'd you have to go and do something like that, like he's a freak or something?" "I'm sorry, Michael." "You're sorry?" "I'm sorry!" "Michael!" "[ Woman Laughing ]" "[ Laughter Grows Hysterical ]" "[ Laughter Continues ]" "[ Laughter Stops, Wind Whistles ]" " [ Coughing ]" " You again." "Get out.!" "Did you see a girl out here?" "No, I did not." "Well, I saw her." "Yeah, she was standing right out there." "This is Evan Spate." "Would you please send a security car to my home?" "I have a trespasser." "Thank you." "Maybe a girl by the name of Maria Vanegas." "She was dead." "A dead girl?" "Yeah." "Dead girl." "How have you managed to survive in the news business being such an imbecile?" "Your yard smelled bad enough to send rats back to Detroit." "My dog, King Tut, sometimes brings home dead prey." "Yeah, well, does your dog also bring home demons?" """Succubus." Does your prattle never end?" "It says "succubus. '" That's new." "What is a succubus, huh?" "Is a succubus the ""she" that the Sumerians were writing about?" "Is that what drove Professor Whitehead crazy out in the Iraqi desert?" "Did he see a succubus?" "Whitehead was and is a senile old fool." "He claims he saw all kinds of things out in the desert." "He is now a ward of the state, and he's still seeing them, no doubt." "I don't believe in any of it, not in demons rising from the desert floor, not in mysterious heart attacks... or stenches, not in walking dead girls." "I believe in this tablet as an anthropological find and nothing more, and I believe in my talent as a translator, [ Siren Wailing ] and that's all I believe in." "Terrific." "That's terrific." "[ Siren Continues ]" "Now can you answer me one question?" "What is a succubus?" "[ Tires Screeching ]" "Uh, have a nice evening." "[ Kolchak Narrating ] The campus directory listed a plethora of departments... that might have given me some answers, but it was late and it was a weekend, and none of them were too thrilled with my phone calls" "none, that is, except Dr. Salem Mozart... and the Department of Classical Ethnology- no longer accredited." "What am I gonna do with six magazine subscriptions?" "Read them, of course." "Share them with loved ones." "I have no loved ones." "I have no money." "Oh, the company will bill you by mail, by computer." "You'll also receive a lovely set of steak knives." "I never eat at home." "Now, what about this, sir?" "Oh." "Oh, this-this is of interest, yes." "Yeah, well, can you tell me why, sir?" "I mean, what is a succubus, sir?" "A succubus is a female demon." "She animates the bodies of ripe young women, who then lure only handsome young men into amorous situations." "And then, while embracing, she changes into a ghoul so fiendish... that the horror of it bursts the heart." "That's what's been happening- That's what's been happening on the campus!" " Oh, is it?" "I hadn't heard." " Yeah." "I don't see how it could be happening, as it's only a superstition." "Oh, oh, Mr. Kolchak, you've marked only one- four- four subscriptions." " Are you trying to gull me?" " Dr. Mozart, would I try to gull you?" "Now, what can be done about the succubus?" " Are you interested in firearms?" " No." "How about a subscription to the Handgun Review?" "No, thank you." "Fine, fine." "I'll send it to Miss Emily." "Now what about the succubus, sir?" "Oh, exorcism can drive a demon away." "However, the churches are reluctant to perform the act these days." "It's bad for the image, you know." "Yes, of course." "However, you're missing the whole focal point of the tablet." "It's interesting only from an anthropological point of view." "Kids are dropping dead on the campus, sir." "I was aware the Whitehead tablet was on campus, but I didn't know it was the same as the Pigafetta tablet." "Pig- This would seem to confirm it." "Piga-Piga-Pigafetta tablet?" "Pigafetta- an Italian traveler of the 1 500s." "He mentions a fabled tablet of the Mesopotamian Empire, presided over, so they said, by a succubus." "Of course, that tablet was lost a long time ago." "Uh-huh." "However, it would appear that Whitehead found the tablet." "Oh, it's all here in these books." "Uh, the long dark legend of death... surrounding- surrounding the tablet." "[ Groans ] Thank you." "Thank you, sir." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "Oh." "Oh." "Oh, we haven't made your final selection, have we?" "May I suggest Contemporary Inventions?" "You learn how to build your own solar-operated pottery wheel, how to make shark repellents with ingredients found in the home" "But will it tell me what to do about a succubus?" "I believe Pigafetta reported that some worthies of the time... urged that the, uh, tablets be destroyed." "Destroyed?" "Oh, no, no, no." "It's much too valuable." "It's-It's priceless." "There must be some other way to get rid of a succubus." " I'm not sure." " Well, are you sure, Doctor, this is the same tablet?" "You would have to admit, it's a nice theory, isn't it?" "Oh, dear." "I can't find my references." "Now, let me think." "[ Turning Pages ]" "It's in Italian." "How do you spell" "I'll return them later." "No, Phyllis, Mike Sandler dropped out last quarter." "Yeah." "Big contacts- big, big." "Know the campus inside out." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "Hold on." "She thinks we should try Rose, the Humanities secretary." "Well, don't talk, dial." "Okay, thanks" "Yeah, good-bye, Phyl." "Dial!" "I'll call you." "[ Sighs ] Let's see." "Hey." "Do you understand" "[ Clears Throat ]" "Do you understand Latin?" "Yeah, some." "Yeah, well, see if you- See if you can translate this here, will ya?" "Uh, yeah, that's, uh, a whole sentence right there." "Yeah, I know." "It's got a period at the end of it." "Well, I just know a few terms- ex post facto, habeas corpus, corpus delicti, stuff like that." "Terrific." "Perry Mason Latin." "Hello, Rose?" "Hi." "This is Rosalind Winters." "Hey, I'm sorry it's so late, and this is gonna be hard." "Dead languages." "I'm looking for a guy named Michael." "Maybe it's fitting." "Well, that's just it." "I don't know, except he's good looking and he might have something to do with Dr. Spate." "Yeah, go find your book." "Half this stuff s in dead languages." "Maybe that's very fitting after all." "Aha." "Aha." "Here's something." "Here it is." "Here it is, right here." """Pigafetta." "A Babylonian tablet, an ancient piece"- Yeah, that's right." "Uh-huh." """Several scholars in ancientJerusalem attempted to destroy the hated object," ""but it was buried for later... retrieval by one Yusef Al-Mamoudi."" "You hear about that kind of thing all the time." "There's probably 1 00 of those tablets around." "Terrific." "Yeah, Rose." "Yeah." "What's this Michael Hannrahan look like?" """See tablets, A to Z."" "No, no, no." "Forget it." "He's gotta be exceptionally built, at least an eight." " Contacts?" "Sounds more like a hen party to me." " Well, say on a scale of one to ten," "MickJagger is the only nine and Quasimodo's a two." "Aha!" "Here it is, right here." """Jerome of Hapsburg, during the Crusades"" " What?" "The Crusades?" " No." """A tablet, given by Ahra Manyu to man," """much desired, but also feared." "The deaths of several young knights and Saracen maidens were reported."" "It's gotta be the same one as Spate's." "It's gotta be." " What do you got?" "What's happening?" " Will you hold on?" "She's got an eight." "An eight?" "Yeah, go ahead, Rose." "Oh, yeah?" "There's a Michael Thompson." "They ran a financial check on him because Spate was gonna offer him an assistantship." "That's the one!" "Where is he?" "Right this minute?" "I don't know." "This is a big campus." "He lives in Branner Hall, but you can never get through on the phones there." "Big, big contacts." "Where are you going?" "Big mouth." "Big deal." "Kolchak, wait a minute." "Thank you, Rose, I'll see you later." "Back." "Get back!" "Don't follow me." "Wait a minute!" "Get back!" "[ Sighs ]" "[ Rattling ]" "[ Door Opens ]" "Mike?" "Will you forgive me?" "I do crazy things sometimes." "Yeah, we all do crazy things." "I shouldn't have got so frosted, I guess." "Put that down." " You're not mad?" " Anger is counter-productive." "Get out of my way." "You put a scratch on this, and I'll see that you go to prison." "You and your news service will be ruined." "Your new assistant, Michael, has a succubus on his back because of this thing." " He may be dead already." " Will you hold me?" "You'd destroy this piece of antiquity for some stupid, idiotic fairy tale." "It's not a fairy tale." "You know that as well as I do." "You've known it all along." "Now get out of my way!" "[ Groans ]" "No!" "[ Groans ] Beat it!" "[ Screaming ] [ Thunderclap ]" "[ Moaning ]" "[ Screaming ]" "[ Thunderclap ]" "[ Groans ]" "Oh!" "[ Grunting ]" "[ Groaning ]" "[ No Audible Dialogue ]" "[ Kolchak ] The campus security force insisted on calling the Chicago Police... to press charges against me, but they found a sudden surprising resistance from Dr. C. Evan Spate, who claimed the tablet had been broken accidentally." "And despite verification by a confused and frightened Michael Thompson, neither reporter Ms. Rosalind Winters nor I had enough hard evidence... to file a story." "It had all turned to dust." "However, published story or not, I can only say to you... that should you ever meet a young woman who seems just too lovely... to be really of this world, well,just remember, there's a very good chance that she isn't." "[ Chuckling ]"