"Transcription and First Sync:" "shakes1554" "Revision and Resync:" "andrepessoa" "Harder." "Fuck me." "Harder." "I need to see..." "Harder." "Sometimes when we're having sex, I see things." "And sometimes, they see things, too." "It's like a different world." "A beautiful world." "It's like a drug, but not a drug." "Even when I see bad things, it's still there on the edge, bleeding in." "SEEING HEAVEN" "Fuck me." "Come on." "Fuck me harder." "I need to see." "You're OK?" "Yeah." "Just looking for something." "Something I can't find." "What was that?" "Fuck me harder." "I need to see." "Good luck." "Fuck me harder." "I can't." "The condom'll break." "Come on." "Fill me." "I need to see." "Come on." "What the fuck?" "You're hurting me, man." "Fuck me." "I need to see." "Something's wrong." "What?" "I fucking told you." "Fill me." "Fuck me harder." "What the fuck?" "What was that?" "What's wrong?" "What drugs are you on, man?" "What's the matter?" "It's you, man." "Messing with my head." "Maybe you had too many poppers." "You're OK?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "You're my producer." "You've always been there for me, but I don't think I can do this anymore." "The other stuff didn't matter." "It was sex." "Sex with a beautiful guy at night." "Just what?" "Just sadly meaningless." "You're just porned out." "They're so beautiful, and it's funny." "I know them so well, but somehow it was never real." "I need to do this crossover thing." "I need it like I've never needed anything." "Yeah, and I said I'd get you the funding." "But you've got to do a couple more pornos for the studio." "It's in your contract." "They just want bareback, Simon." "And I won't do that." "I want to do something real." "Something that gets under their skin." "And I'm behind you." "You've got to give me more time." "Look." "Outside of hardcore erotica, you're an unknown." "This is the credit crunch." "Funding's difficult." "Why do I feel like I've sold my soul?" "I want to do something about... what attracts us to them." "About real beauty." "You know?" "Serious themes." "OK." "So find me someone." "Find me a star." "Someone we can really use to sell this." "All the public wants is pretty flesh, John." "That's what sells." "Even the arthouse movies." "Find me a face." "Leave the rest to me." "This is twenty short." "You can forget about the taxi fare." "I'm out of here." "What was that about, man?" "Nothing." "I thought you wanted something special." "I told you I just wanted straight sex." "It's OK." "I'm out of here." "Not until you've answered my question." "There's something weird about you, man." "Hey, break it up." "What are you?" "Some sort of freak?" " Give me my money back." " Fuck off." "Hey, give me my fucking money." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." " Are you OK?" " Fucking freak." "Are you OK?" "You want to call the police?" "No." "No police." "Well, come on." "I was just closing up." "I need to get a drink." "Let's go." "Have a seat." "Your lip started bleeding." "OK." "Yeah, it's gonna hurt." "It's OK." "Here you go." "So." "What was all that about?" "Just a client." "I might have guessed." "So do these clients of yours usually beat you up?" "I offer a very special service." "Sometimes they get more than they bargained for." "That was pretty intense." "It goes with the job." "When you're beautiful someone is always trying to use you." "What do you want?" "Isn't that the fucking truth?" "You're new in town, then?" "I'm looking for someone." "Someone special?" "You could say that." "Everyone's always looking for "the one"." "And you?" "I'm OK... except no boyfriend." "All alone in this world." "Another one?" "Thanks." "Neat guy." "He comes in here all the time." "You should get in touch." "He's very beautiful." "No, I mean the director." "He's a cool guy." "Every month he has some crazy party at his place." "There's always these hot porno guys there." "Uh-huh." "There's one on Saturday night actually." "I'm going myself." "You want to come?" "Got his address?" "I have his card..." "back at my place." "You've got to do a couple more pornos for the studio." "It's in your contract." "Sex sells." "And you..." "you shoot sex better than anybody." "They just want bareback, Simon." "And I won't do that." "I have to do something real." "Something that gets under their skin." "Why do I feel like I've sold my soul?" "Make yourself at home." "I thought you were single." "Well, just a regular fuck buddy." "A boyfriend?" "I don't know if I believe in relationships." "He's sometimes here, sometimes not." "We can do what we like." "We have freedom from each other." "That's the way to a successful relationship." " What the fuck?" "Look at that." "Hey." " How did you know I was an escort?" "Don't know." "Something about you." "You have something special." "A kind of twinkle." "Baxter's really going to like you." "Maybe it's better you don't get too close to me." "Why not?" "We could be good together." "It's dangerous." "I mean for me to get too close to anyone right now." "Shhh." "Come here." "We're gay men." "This is how we get to know each other, isn't it?" "Flesh  against flesh." "Saul?" "Paul?" "You help me." "Saul?" "So beautiful..." "He's a cool guy." "Every month he has some crazy party at his place." "I have his card..." "back at my place." " John Baxter?" " Who are you?" "I ran into Zhivago." "He suggested I should come over." "It's not exactly a good time." "Please." "OK." "You better come in then." "John Baxter?" "It's a little early, don't you think?" "Wow." "I like it when I'm able to see the city wake up." "I can watch it sleep, and I can watch it when it's getting into mischief." "So what happened to you?" "I spooked a client." "Showed him a little too much of my soul." "It's going to keep you off work for a while." "Are you interested in modeling?" "I don't think so." "Not into porn then." "I don't know." "It sticks around." "When you're beautiful, people just want to use you and then throw you away." "Not me." "Not in my films." "Anyway." "I don't think you came here just to discuss the view." "I'm looking for my brother." "My twin, Saul." "I haven't seen him for a long time." "Since we were kids." "But I've been dreaming about him." "I think he may have been escorting, or doing porn." "And how do you think I can help?" "Zhivago says you've been in the business a long time." "Any new guys turn up, and they're likely to come to you." "OK." "If I help you, will you help me?" "What do you mean?" "The studios just want me to churn out bareback porn." "I won't do that." "I want to do this." "I want to do something artistic." "An experiment." "Seeking after the truth." "I think Saul is in trouble." "There's a crime going to occur." "Once they've experienced his beauty, they want it again." "And again." "Just like with you." "What do you see when you look in the mirror, Paul?" "I don't know." "Something other people want to buy." " Does he look like you?" " Absolutely." "Mirror image." "So." "Have you seen him?" "Do you really think if I saw someone as beautiful as you that" "I would have forgotten?" "So you can't help me?" "I can ask around." "I can put out feelers." "I would like to show you my work." "This will be a real meeting." "And I need someone very special to play the lead." "They need to be natural, not an actor." "I'm exploring gay sexuality." "and this has to be the real thing." "Why don't you take off your shirt?" "They say porn just takes what's beautiful... and makes it dirty." "Hey." "Not in my films." "Don't you want to know yourself?" "Don't you want to live forever, like Dorian Gray?" "On video at least." "What is it about you that scares them so much?" "Sometimes... when I'm having sex..." "I see things." "Like dreaming." "And sometimes I think they see them, too." " And it scares them?" " Maybe." "So why do you do it?" "Sometimes... it's like I need to be fucked..." "I need to be filled." "Like a drug, blotting things out." "So?" "It's what all gay guys want, isn't it?" "It's just that..." "when they see it... when they come face to face with the truth... it freaks them out." "Jesus." "Oh, shit." "Come on, work with me, Paul." "Five scenes." "Five different partners, and five different aspects of you." "If you could get to know yourself, maybe that could help you find your brother." "I don't know." "I'll think about it." "So you are just like all the other rent boys." "Hi ya." "This is Paul." "So." "What service do you require?" "No." "I don't do bareback." "No." "I'm negative." "You?" "Selling yourself for whatever you can get." "Not selling... giving." "But to the highest bidder." "Look." "This is Carlos." "He's loved for his intense beauty." "You will be loved for your innocence." "He's very pretty." "But not as pretty as you." "Excuse me." "That's probably Pan." "OK." "If you look up into the corner there..." "That's beautiful." "Hey guys." "How are you doing?" "Not bad." "I had a client in the area, so I met him for coffee." "This is my assistant, Pan." "He helps me find my models, and his friend Griffin." "They are... kind of... inseparable." "This is Paul." "He's going to be staying with us for a while, and may well be starring in our next project." "Don't mind Pan." "He's a little psychic and very strong on first impressions." "Nice to meet you." "Pan, can you see who that is please?" "OK." "Just going to take a few more." "Is Paul here?" "Great." " Can you just let me in?" " Who is it?" "It's Zhivago." "What's this?" "I didn't take your money." "No." "You scared the shit out of me." "You walked out on me." "I woke up, and you'd fucked off." "I'm looking for someone." "And you couldn't stick around to say goodbye?" "I thought we had something?" "You don't own me." "Nobody owns me." "I wanted to be supportive for you." "You don't do this." "Maybe you guys need some privacy?" "Look." "It was you who wanted me to meet this guy." "I've got to get to work in the bar." "You need to make a decision." "Look." "You're a nice guy." "I just need to stay here today." "Make a decision whether to do this or not." "You understand?" "I guess so." "I'll see you around." "Yeah, you do that." "I need a place to stay." "I need to pick up my stuff, but" "I don't want to go back to my old place." "It's OK, you can stay here." "We have a spare room." "When you wake up in the morning, I'll introduce you to Carlos." "Not yet." "I need to me on my own for a bit." "Need to explore stuff." "I need to know myself a little." "Why don't you show him the studios?" "Sure." "It's just a small place across town." "It's not much." "but it's got a bed, and you can get some privacy." "I don't want to rush you." "You can have all the space you need." " So this is it." " Wow." "Nice place." "How much for the studio?" "It used to belong to a stills guy." "He put in the pool table and the seating area." "Somewhere for the models to relax." "It went bust." "Credit crunch." "There's not much stuff." "Strange place to shoot porn." "Courtyard's private." "Very discreet." "And Baxter likes working with natural light." "So..." "What's downstairs?" "Nothing, the place is empty." "John uses it for shoots, that's all." "Oh, and sometimes he lets me use the place as a studio." "These are very... emotional." "Everyone needs..." "a way out of this." "Mine's painting." "Max is helping me." "So you can sleep over here." "Very convenient." "So that Zhivago guy reckon he's your boyfriend?" "He just helped me out, that's all." "What about Pan?" "Oh." "We're very close, but nothing's exclusive." "You just take him in off the street?" "Do you think that's wise?" "You know how this business is." "I mean, what we'd call us on." "Anyway." "He's the face." "He's perfect for the script." "Ah, yes." "Preferably someone who's lost." "Getting to know himself through sex." "He's searching for something." "Even with guys like that asshole last night... it's not just about the money." "Yeah." "You have to have compensations." "When I got into this" "I said I wanted to have every experience you could have." "Yeah, but if you're not careful, it just burns you out." "So." "You think I should do the porno?" "You're a privileged man." "You're the first guy who's been allowed to read that thing." "You've got to be sure." "These things stick around." "Yeah." "I know, that's the point." "Even though I grow old, it'll always stay the same." "I'll always be able to remember when I was young, and beautiful." "And I so want to work with you." "I never want to change." "Then you never will." "Ever have any problems with any of your clients?" "There are always the assholes." "Sometimes, I think I show them too much." "It's like a different world, a beautiful world." "You wouldn't understand." "It's like a drug, but not a drug." "Even when I see bad things, it's still there on the edge, bleeding in." "You're crazy." "I'm not crazy." "I'm just looking for someone." "Who?" "You wouldn't understand, if I told you." "Try me." "I'm looking for my brother, my twin Saul." "We were separated when we were kids." "Why?" "Because it wasn't good for us to be together." "Now sometimes I dream about him." "The weirdest nightmares." "I think he's in danger." "I think he may be escorting, too." "Now he's crazy." "Baxter's going to help me find him." "And he looks like you?" "Absolutely." "Well, maybe I could help you, too?" "I need to dream, but everytime I do it, everytime I go with a client, I lose a little of myself." "So stay with me." "It doesn't work that way." "I need to be on the edge." "I need to be hurt, like with that guy from last night." "I don't understand." "It's difficult to explain." "We should only give this gift of ours to people who really matter." "Come on." "Let's fuck." "I can't love anyone, not right now." "Why?" "Because I mustn't get too close, and it wouldn't feel right." "I need something different, something more intense, something..." "I could give you what you need." "What is it?" "It's just one of my regulars." "He wants an overnighter." "I think you should go." "I'd like to get to know you." "If you'll let me." "So you're not going to change your mind?" "I don't know." "I'll think about it." "Ask me after the shoot." "Come on, work with, me Paul." "Five scenes." "Five different partners and five different aspects of you." "If you get to know yourself, maybe that will help you find your brother." "Who are you?" "I need to see." "Saul?" "John Baxter?" "I can't do this." "I can't do the film." "Not now." "I'm sorry." "Shit." " Paul?" " Yeah." "It's Griffin." "Now's not a good time." "There's someone I want you to meet." "Alan?" "This is Paul." "Alan's been with his fair share of escorts." "Gives them reviews, even posts them online." "So if anyone has seen your brother..." "Your brother?" "More like a twin." "I think I would have remembered." "His name's Saul." "Ah, Saul." "And you are..." "Paul." "Of course." "The great fag hating apostle except some of the more politically inclinded think that he was really gay himself." "And Saul, the Hebrew for Paul." "You must have had religious parents." "I didn't really know them." "It's all very William Wilson." "I don't understand." "Edgar Allen Poe?" "Don't mind me, I'm an old literary queen." "Oh, Alan's my patron, like in Elizabethan times." "Every artist needs a patron." "I think Saul's in trouble." "There's a crime going to occur." "Once they've experienced his beauty, they want it again, and again." "Fuck me." "He doesn't want to be with you, so get over it." "OK?" "I guess so." "Come on." "Hey man, how you doing?" "Give a guy big tits, and he thinks he's God." "Shit." "Stop worrying about him, OK?" "He's kind of fragile." "He needs looking after." "Not by you." "He's a hustler." "They're all damaged goods." "Anyway, there are other people you should be looking out for." "Hey." "Hey, that's him, over there." "Shit." "I need to go check that he's OK." "Hey." "You looking for some gear?" "Excuse me." "You're cute." "Come on, you'd enjoy yourself." "I'm looking for someone." "Sorry." "Excuse me." "I'm looking for someone, too." "Come on, he can wait." "You're cute." "I like guys with cute asses." "I like to fuck really hard." "You like to play rough?" "I like to play really rough." "Who are you?" "I need to see." "I need to see." "I need to see." "Hey get off him." "What the fuck, man?" " He's with me, OK?" " He's with me." "He's with me." "He doesn't need this, OK?" "Shit." "Fuck." "Come on, we need to get out of here." "Nick!" "What the fuck were you doing?" "I saw something in John's apartment in a dream." "I was scared and I needed to be with somebody." "What are you talking about?" "It's not just about the sex." "I need to be filled." "I can't explain." "I need you to forget." "Guys, I'm going to bed." "I've got an early start, OK?" "I just need to talk to him a minute, OK?" "Take care." "I thought you wanted me?" "Yeah, well, you're not available." "I told you." "I have this thing with Nick mutual respect." "Freedom." "We fuck around Paul, but we do it safely." "I think you need to be careful." "And I don't think you should do this fucking porn film." "You said John was cool." "And he is, but in this industry you have to be strong." "There are other people who will take advantage of you." "Maybe that's what I want." "You're playing a dangerous game, Paul." "You're looking for something, I'm not sure what it is, but I'm pretty sure you're not finding it." "You're not going to find it doing this film." "Therapy through porn is the last thing you need right now." "Go on, sleep." "That's enough." "I'd rather you left it on." "I'd rather you didn't mess me around." "Come on, you're not a kid." "Now good night." "Man, give me a kiss." "Now behave yourself." "Baxter?" "It's Paul." "I'm going to do your movie." "Carlos, come down." "Paul, this is Carlos, our gay-for-pay main star." "I've never been sure what that means "gay-for-pay"." "I expected something more, some more props." "I just wanted the two of you together." "And remember, I just want you to be yourself." "I'm not sure what myself is." "You're cute." "I'm sure we're going to have fun." "You'll be fine." "Everyone always is." "That's fine." "Hey guys, lets wrap this up then." "OK, let's get you in make-up." "You're OK?" "Look, it was just a dream." "It seemed so real." "Maybe it's like your sensitivity." "You feel things." "And here?" "No." "This place is empty." "Griffin should have told you that." "I heard noises from downstairs." "Look, I'll do the movie, but only if Griffin's in it." "He's got a client today." "He's very sweet, but why do you especially want to work with him?" "Because then I know what I'm doing." "It will feel real." "Remember, all it's about is what you can feel through this lens." "For now you only exist in this film." "Concentrate on Carlos." "You have to imagine that everything around you is fading out." "That's good." "Concentrate on his neck." "On his lips, Carlos." "There is reality behind reality." "On the feel of his skin." "Remember, porn gives you the license to be yourself." "Use it." "So much better than escorting." "Porn is about perfection." "This has to be the best sex you've ever had." "OK, that's good." "Let's move onto the table." "OK, that's good." "Pan, just zoom in." "OK, look into his eyes, and imagine what you see." "Fantasy." "Fuck me." " I can't do this harder." " I need to see." "Fuck me." "Harder." "What the fuck are you doing?" "OK." "Calm down." "He's crushed me, and now he bit my neck." "You're OK, there's no blood, nothing permanent." "What was that?" "Nothing." "I'm not working with him again." "He freaks me out." "OK." "Calm down." "It's fine, there's nothing there." "Who was he?" "The guy in the mask?" " It was just a dream." " You saw them, too." "I'm sorry." "I'm so out of here." "Carlos." "Calm down." "It's fine." "There's nothing there." "Who was he?" "The guy in the mask?" " It was just a dream." " You saw them, too." "Who's he?" "His name's DeLeon." "Frank DeLeon." "He's from the studio." "They've probably sent him to spy on me." "You didn't have to invite him to a party." "He looks creepy." "Well, if you want to get on in the industry you've got to learn to be nice to them." "Isn't that right, Simon?" "Whatever Baxter says, I don't want to do another scene with him." "That a no?" "Are you really sure that's wise?" "I have great ideas for this particular project and you, are a crucial part of it." "I don't think so." "Come on, we'll make sweet music together." "Your unique qualities combined with his." "He's strange." "He's obsessed with something." " Finding some twin." " Oh, he told you about that?" "Yeah." "Really, you should put them together." "That would be something quite unique." " Hey." " Hey." "Glad to see you." "What happened at Alans?" "You didn't stick around." "I didn't feel like talking." "That guy kind of freaks me out." "You should have come to the studio the other night." "It was an allnighter." "I missed you." "Me too." "Carlos is spreading rumors about me." "It seems like, you're the only guy who wants to work with me." "I'd be careful of Carlos." "He's got mixed motivations." "He's too ambitious, if you see what I mean." " Hey" " Hi there." "Shall we go upstairs?" "What's he doing?" "Telling fortunes." "Maybe I should have mine done." "I wouldn't." "You might find out something you don't want to know." "Hey." "Come on, tell me my fortune." "I don't do fortunes." "My future then?" "This is serious stuff." "I am serious." "I am serious." "Come on." "Don't tell me." "He's going to meet a tall, dark, stranger." "You're going to come across great fortune." "Tell us something we don't already know." "Your fate is going to be known by a lot of people." "For being a porn star?" "You haven't had a happy past." "And you're asking yourself if you can be happy now." "This stuff applies to all of us." "Come on." "Tell me something I don't already know." "Maybe I don't want to go any further." "Someone is following you." "Someone who's after you." "Paul has got a stalker." "Maybe it's someone who wants money back." "You're in danger." "Danger?" "What does that mean?" "It means that you need to be careful." "What's this?" "Fortune." "And this?" "Death?" "Misfortune." "Tell me about my brother." "I don't know." "I haven't seen about your brother." "My twin." "I said, I don't know anything about your brother." "Come on, this is getting tiresome now." "You should be mingling." "There are other people at this party." "Come on." "Are you OK?" "Yeah, sure." "You know this industry fucks you up." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah, for sure." "Take Peter there." "He sometimes says that when you've been with so many clients, and done so many things you really don't want to do." "They all seem to merge together in your imagination." "Yeah." "They seem to merge together into one single blank-faced client." "Yeah." "I've got to see someone." "Griffin?" "Griffin?" "We need to talk." "Why don't you take off your shirt." "Go on." "John told me all about how special you are." "It's not just about your spectacularly good looks, is it?" "Baxter told me about your gift." "If you really want to get ahead in this business, perhaps you should consider a greater level of intimacy in your scenes." "Something more tactile." "That is, if you want to experience a real connection." "Perhaps you should get rid of these." "John says I shouldn't do bareback." "John's an old woman..." "with a limited shelf-life." "I like him." "It's what people want to see, and we have to give them what they want." "Besides, nothing comes without a price, and business is all about taking risks." "It's all about the flesh, isn't it?" "It's all about the touch." "The feeling." "See, Baxter doesn't really understand like we do." "For all his ambitions, he's a strictly mechanical director." "What is prostitution, but the sale of magic?" "I'm sorry, John." "Were your ears burning?" "We were just getting to know each other." "He's off limits, DeLeon." "We were only..." "I know what you were doing." "I know what goes through your mind even if I am a strictly mechanical director." " I think you better leave." " What?" "I don't want you around these kids." "Fine." "I'm leaving." "But I will see you at the shoot." "You need to sort through..." "Are you OK?" "Hey." "Hey." "Just thought I'd get here early." "You're OK?" "Couldn't sleep." "Bad dreams." "You'll be OK." "I'm going crazy." "It's just a job." "No, I mean doing crazy things." "Fucking guys I shouldn't have fucked." " Taking risks." " Why?" "I don't know." "Because I needed to be on the edge." "I didn't think I could love anyone." "Not while I was looking for him." "Who?" "Your brother?" "But now, since you can be the key..." "I don't understand." "... that I could really love, could really have feelings for someone." "And your brother?" "That he'll show up, from wherever he's hiding, and he'll show his face." "So you really did dream about him?" "And a man who was chasing him." "A man in a mask." "A client who couldn't let go." "I don't understand why he hasn't shown his face." "Now." "I need to know you'll stick around." "You won't leave me." "I'll try." "Like this scene has to be really real." "Why?" "Because then, I'll know." "You're alright?" "Yeah," "I just need to make a call." "So he was your perfect twin?" "A golden twin." "Used to be a story, a fairy tale, that if you ever met yourself, your one true self, your doppelganger, that one of you would die, 'cause only one of you could live." " Hi, John?" "It's Zhivago." " Zhivago." "We need to talk." "It's not such a good time." "I'm off to a shoot." "A shoot with Paul?" "Of course, yes, a shoot with Paul." "There's something I meant to ask you." "What?" "What's that picture about?" "Which picture?" "The one with the man looking into the water and that figure standing behind him?" "Just a commission for Alan, something he wanted me to paint." "Don't know about a figure..." "that's just an arch." "I think Paul is in danger." "It's not a good time." "I don't think this film is good for him." "It's taking him places that he doesn't want to go." "Don't you think I'm a reasonable guy?" "Don't you think I know what he wants?" "Look, I'm helping him." "What was that?" "Didn't see anything." "Come on, kiss me." "Someone's here." "What?" "Come on, kiss me." "Gentlemen." "I wouldn't be too scared." "What are you doing here?" "I came to check on the shoot." "How long have you been watching us?" "Don't worry." "My interest is a purely business one." "To make sure this shoot is everything it can be." "It's been fine up 'til now." "I'd like to make sure Baxter is doing the best job he can." "I have to ensure he's capturing your gift." "What did I do to deserve that?" "We don't need you here." "I represent the studio." "The money." "I have to say I expected more of a sense of fantasy." "More luxury." "More flesh." "It's all about the angles." "It's all about the way you shoot." "DeLeon." "How nice to see you, John." "You don't trust me." "I just want to make sure you're fulfilling the brief." "We don't need gimicks." "This is the most intimate film that I've ever made." "And this is going to be a very special shoot." "But we're losing time." "Come on, guys." "Hair and makeup." "Are you OK?" "Yeah." "Sure." "Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to." "I don't like this." "It's just a shoot." "I've seen the way you look at each other." "And you'd be just the same if you were in the scene." "Admit it." " Yeah." " It's just a shoot." "A very special shoot." "Let's get on with it." "Does he have to be here?" "Relax." "It's going to be me on camera." "Pan on stills." "You." "Griffin." "And no one else." "Just try and get into character, OK?" "I need my privacy." "I'm very cautious as to who I let in my head." "You know, you waste your beauty selling it to the highest bidder." "You should be using it properly." "Are you sure you're OK?" "I think so." "DeLeon says you're a dinosaur." "I know what DeLeon thinks of me." "Just 'cause you won't shoot bareback?" "Look, Zhivago is right." "I do get to see most of the guys that come into the business." "Do one or two films and then disappear." "Not so long ago there were maybe three or four guys who were positive." "Now there's at least 25 percent." "You know, eighteen or nineteen year-old kids who don't know anything about anything." "They think just because they're working with someone who's been tested that they're safe, but they're not." "Do you know you can pick up HIV on a Monday and pass it on on a Thursday?" "Then why are you still in this business?" "Because I believe sex is a good thing." "And your body is something to be proud of, not just your soul." "Why do you think I want to make this movie with you?" "You know, when they started shooting this bareback shit, no one said much." "No one wanted to speak out." "The gay community was asleep." "A lot of these young guys say, it's a lifestyle choice." "It's not too late." "I could still do what DeLeon wants." "And make a lot of money." "But then again, I want to be able to sleep at night" "So." "Are you ready to shoot?" "OK, gentlemen." "Shall we begin?" "Remember, I want reality." "A raw edge." "I need to be fucked." "I need to be consumed by sex." "There has to be nothing left of me." "I really trust you." "I'm going to do something that I've never let anyone else do." "I'm going to let you inside me." "Inside my head." "But don't be scared by what you see." "Saul?" "Saul?" "Saul?" "Saul?" "Saul?" "Saul?" "Don't abandon me." "I can't do this." "Fuck me." "I can't do this." "You can't love me." "Griffin." "This is too intense." "You're OK?" "What's wrong?" "Griffin." "It just... wasn't right." "Griffin." "I need to see." "What are you, some sort of freak?" "You're in danger." "Baxter's really going to like you." "Maybe it's better you don't get too close to me." "Harder." "I need to see." "Griffin." "Ah, Griffin, that kind of a night." "Hello?" "Anyone there?" "Alright, come show yourself." "What do you want?" "Hey." "Carlos?" "What do you want?" "I've come to take you to the shoot." "What time is it?" " Ten." " Fuck!" " In the evening." " I slept right through." "I can't shoot now." "What do you mean?" "I don't want to shoot." "I had a dream." "I'm worried about Griffin." "There's nothing to be worried about." "He's just on an overnight with a client." "I tried calling him." "I think his phone is off." "I had a dream he'd been killed." "You're alright?" "Yesterday I saw so much." "It was too intense for me." " Go on." " It's dangerous." "You need to come to the shoot." "These will calm you down." "What is that?" "TBL." "Your body turns it into GHB." "I don't trust you." "Come on, just half of those." "I will take it with you." "I have to go somewhere." "What's up?" "I'll tell you later." "Just like a little baby." "Why so surprised, Paul?" "Welcome to the real shoot." "What is this?" "My dream?" "A client who couldn't let go, huh, Paul?" "Don't you want to know yourself?" "Don't you want to live forever..." "like Dorian Gray?" "On video, at least." "This isn't me." "Where's Baxter?" "Did you say you needed to obliterate yourself?" "Didn't you say you needed to be filled in order to reach this other world of yours?" "Where's Baxter?" "Baxter's retired." "Now I'm directing the action." "Yes?" "It's Paul." "He's in danger." "This time I really know it." "Is Baxter in?" "No, he's sleeping." "Come back later." "You've got to let me in, man." "Come on." "Alright." "Come on, Paul." "Relax." "Open up." "The ultimate fuck." " I don't want this." " The ultimate closeness." "Isn't that what you've been working towards?" "So." "Why should I help Paul?" "What?" "After what he did to me and Griffin?" "That guy is flawed." "Ah, come on man." "The kid is an innocent." "How do you know he is in danger anyway?" "Are you psychic?" "I had a dream." "I saw someone following him." "Some figure in a white mask." "Come on then, if you're so clever." "Do your magic." "It's OK." "I have already seen." "Something is terribly wrong." "Come on, Pan." "You must help me." "Come on." "Tell me." "There was no twin brother." "It's all in Paul's head." "I think there was a brother, but he died at birth." "I don't understand." "He never lived, not really." "Paul has some sort of split personality." "That's crazy." "Well, don't we all tell ourselves lies in order to do the things we don't want to do?" "So how long have you known?" "I first sensed it when I touched Paul's hand, and then again when I read his fortune." "Paul is in danger, but it is from his own self-destructiveness, and his destiny is screwed up, around Paul, like the rest of them." "Well, why didn't you say something?" "I wanted Baxter to get his film." "It's so important to him." "Anyway, some things are better discovered for yourself." "You know, that's such a shitty thing to do." "Life is full of shitty things." "Haven't you learned that already?" "Zhivago?" "What is it?" "You've used Paul." "Pan just told me." " He doesn't know." " Know what?" "Nothing." "What's all this?" "I was getting to know Paul better." "Look, something terrible is happening." "I can feel it." "What?" "I don't know, but you were the one that was supposed to be looking after him." "All I know is that Paul is in danger somewhere." "But there's not a shoot today." "There is something." "I told you." "Come on now, Pan." "Tell me." "I don't know." "Something at the studios." "I don't want this." "Where's the condom?" "No condoms." "We're going to breed you." "Come on." "You're coming, too." "Come on, Paul." "Don't you want to feel it?" "This isn't me." "I don't want this." "You don't have a choice." "It's what he wants." "Look." "What is it?" "It's TBL." "Pan." "Paul." "You're playing a dangerous game." "I don't want this." "Sometimes it's like I need to be fucked." "I need to be filled." "Like a drug, blotting things out." "Don't you want to feel it?" "The ultimate reality." "Maybe then you'll find the last piece of the jigsaw." "Come." "We need to know what's going on." "Come on." "It's DeLeon." " He kept it from me." " Pan, come on." "Downstairs." "Baxter told me about your gift." "Perhaps you should get rid of these." "It's all about the flesh, isn't it?" "It's all about the touch." "What is prostitution but the sale of magic?" "You." "How do you even know I exist?" "Because you killed my brother." "There is no brother, Paul." "Only you." "But you killed them all." "Don't you understand?" "Behind the mask, we are all the same." "Just clients who can't let go." "Obsessed with your beauty." "Or wanting the ultimate." "What the fuck are you doing?" "Making the kind of movie you're afraid to make." "Zhivago, get Paul." "Paul, are you OK?" "Paul, are you OK?" "Come on, let's just get him out of here." "Pan?" "I don't like the look of him." "He's taken something." "He's going to come out of this." "We need to get him to a doctor." "No, he needs to sleep it off." "And then we get to bed." "So this is what you call finding yourself." "I'm going to make sure he's OK." "I don't think I buy you not knowing about this." "Are they really going to realease that as a DVD?" "Not if I have anything to do with it." "He's going to make it through it." "Well, he's not coming around." "He's going to be OK." "Yeah, but what is he going to say when he gets out of this?" "Don't you want to know yourself, Paul?" "Don't you want to live forever..." "like Dorian Gray?" "On video at least." "Shit." "You're burning up." "Saul." "Your brother." "I have something to tell you about your brother." "Hello, Paul." "I can't believe it." "Finally." "My twin." "My reflection." "But you know..." "I'm not real." "There never was a twin..." "only a brother." "A year before you, your mother lost me." "I was stillborn." "I imagined how you'd be..." "every moment of my life." "As if you had lived." "I would have been older than you." "An older brother." "Griffin was right." "Only one of us can live." "You needed me, all through your unhappiness, dangerous partners, dangerous sex." "I was watching over you." "My brother." "But now you don't need me anymore." "You had a fever." "I was worried about you." "You were burning up." "I was dreaming." "Am I going to be OK?" "It's just what you've been through," "I don't think you're seroconverting." "You've got your pep." "But then medication can make you sick, too." "It's going to take about a month, kiddo." "I feel better now." "When will I know?" "We'll get you tested in a few weeks, again." "but it can take about three months for it to show up." "So far, you're clear." "Thanks for being there for me." "Someone wants to see you." "Hey, brother." "I'll leave you guys alone, yeah?" " Hey." " Come here." "You went to the brink and came back." "Why'd you get me into this fucking industry?" "I didn't mean it to be like this." "Of course, you didn't mean... you're maybe like all the others, all the johns." "You pretend to be our friends, or you pretend to be making art." "But all you're doing is exploiting young kids." "You know I didn't want that." "We're going to the police." "Yeah, and what are they going to believe?" "It's just the word of one kid porn escort against all the others." "Maybe you're like DeLeon, fucking us all up for money." "Now you know what I want." "I wanted something beautiful." "Look." "Look in the mirror." "You wouldn't have worked without porn." "Don't you see?" "I did this because of you." "It was good of Zhivago to give us some space." "Right now, I just want to be with you." "What about you and Pan?" "Don't worry about him, it's all going to be OK." "I'm tired." "You need to sleep and relax." "No more nightmares." "I love you." "I love you, too." "Paul, I was expecting you." "Tell me about this painting." "You asked Griffin to paint it." "Why?" "Ah, the "ur" myth painting." "An "ur" myth is a myth that sits behind all other myths." "You must be familiar with the story of Narcissus." "A boy so beautiful that he bewitched all who met him." "So entranced by his own beauty that he fell into a pool and drowned." "I guess." "This is a story that lies behind so many other stories." "The Picture of Dorian Gray, maybe even Jekyl and Hyde, in its way." "Anyway, I told Griffin to combine this with a Victorian myth." "I don't understand." "A very little told story, not generally known." "We're obsessed with Jack the Ripper, but there are other equally "outre" Victorian murderers." "The Ripper remained anonymous, others they caught." "Tell me about this figure." "The one behind Narcissus." "A rather loathesome character by the name of Gideon Pepler." "He also murdered prostitutes, not women, like the Ripper, but boys." "The Victorians didn't like discussing that sort of thing, so it went unreported." "They say he was so entranced by their beauty, he couldn't let go." "He used to keep bits of them." "Trophies." "How did they catch him?" "Did someone see his face?" "I guess, he was just careless." "Too bewitched by their beauty to be careful." "But no, no one saw his face." "That's the kicker." "The witnesses to the muders say he wore a white mask." "But you know, I didn't see it as a horrible painting." "I saw it as something quite beautiful." "You know, a youth contemplating his own beauty, so in touch with his nature, it becomes something quite magical." "I told Griffin to call it "Seeing Heaven"." "Are you OK?" "Just a bad dream, about your painting." "I want to paint you." "I want to capture your beauty." "I'd like that." " I'm scared." " What about?" "What if I'm positive?" "I'll be with you." "I'll help you get through it." "Take me back to bed." "Be with me." "for My Brother, who I never knew but who was always in my dreams..."