" Hey." " Hey." " Are you taking off?" " Yeah, work." "Okay." "Well." "This is really embarrassing." "I don't remember your name." " Cooper." " Right." "Well, Cooper, thanks." "This was fun." " Well, maybe we can do it again sometime." " Yeah, yeah, totally." "I'll be in touch." " Hi, buddy." " Hey." " Are you a club member?" "Sir?" " Huh?" " Are you a club member?" " Yeah." " That's Jon." "Jon snow." "You know, game of thrones." " Oh, I've never seen it." " Huh, no shit." "Okay, well, do you want me to take him out so you can meet him?" " No, I'm" "I don't rally know what I'm doing here." " There he is." " Okay, so if you had to choose, would you rather be eaten by a shark or burnt alive?" " Why do I have to choose?" " Because you do." " I'm gonna go with shark." " Really?" "Interesting." "I've missed you." "What's with you?" " I don't know." "Just a funk I guess." " Yeah, well, that's why god invented distilled beer, my friend." "Hello, Joyce, how's life treating you?" " Life, what life?" "All I do is work." " Well, at least you've got your health, right?" " Oh, yeah, I'm a regular fairy Princess." " Okay, so what do priests and Christmas trees both have in common?" "Ah, hello?" "What do priests and Christmas trees both have in common?" "Their balls are only for decoration." "Oh come on, that's it?" "That's all I get?" "But you are laughing on the inside, right?" " In tears." " Liar." " Hey." " Hey." " Can I get something for you?" " Yeah, campari and soda." " Another one under the bridge, as they say, right?" "How was your night?" " It was long." " Well, tomorrow's another day." "Okay, I hope you have a wonderful evening." " You look tired." " Oh, yeah, well how about you lick my balls?" " You want something?" "So, you want me to lock up?" " Well, I'm sure as shit not gonna do it." "See you tomorrow." "Don't forget to turn off the damn lights." " So, Jon." "What the hell am I doing here?" "Yeah." "I don't know either." " Well, look who's back." "You want to meet him?" "It's no big deal." " I can't." " Are you sure?" " Yeah, thanks." " There he is." " Okay, so how do gay horses greet each other?" " I do not know." " Hay!" "So, my friend, what's new with you?" " Since yesterday?" "Not a whole lot." " You know, for a bartender, you're really shitty at making small talk." " That is probably true." "Is it a special occasion?" " Actually, this is for you?" " Really?" " Yes, sir, open it." " I don't get it." " Happy anniversary." " What?" " You've been working for this fine establishment for exactly 10 years so happy anniversary." " What?" "How did you know that?" " Well, you started working here the same day that my divorce from my third wife was finalized and trust me that's a day you don't forget any damn soon." "Are you gonna say something or just stare at it all night long?" " Fuck." " So, 10 years, huh?" "Wow." " Yeah." "Guess so." " That is really something, you know that?" "Gosh, I guess we are turning into a bunch of old farts you and I." " Hey." " Hey." " Campari and soda, right?" " Sure, thanks." " One more?" " Nah, time to go." "Until we meet again, kind sir." " Have a good night, Ron." "Good book?" " It's okay." " "Woman in the dunes"." "What's that about?" " Sand." " Sand?" "That sounds really interesting." "Okay then, another drink?" " No, thanks." " Okay." "You have a great night." " Jon." "I hope you don't mind having processed food products." "Oh, hey." " Check you out." "Can't seem to stay away, huh?" " Huh?" "Oh, yes." "Did Jon get adopted?" "'Cause he's not at his kennel." "He's okay, right?" " I'm sorry." " What?" " We-- we fight like hell to try to save them all but there's just too many and not enough space." "I'm so so sorry." " Hello." "Can I get something for you?" " Yeah." " The usual?" " No, something stronger." " Okay." "What can I get for you?" " Bourbon or whiskey, i don't really care." " Alright, a bourbon or whiskey coming right up." " Thanks." " Hey, are you okay?" " Yeah, I'm fine." " Hey buddy, how's it going?" " Hey, Ron." "Hey." "Hey, are you okay?" " Yeah, I'm fine." "I'll take another." " Yeah, that's probably not a good idea." " Whatever." "Play it again, Sam." " Sorry but I can't do it." " Why?" "I'm fine." " Excuse me for a second." "What's up?" " Guy at table 12 says he can't taste the alcohol in his drink." " It's a long island ice tea." "What the fuck does he think is in it?" " I know, I know." "But can't you just fix it for me, please?" " Yeah, sure." "There you go, happy?" " Thank you." " I really need to get laid." "What?" "You?" "Shit, in your dreams maybe." " What?" " Why are you so sad all the time?" " I'm not sad all the time." " Shit, like hell you're not." " So, any chance you wanted to lock up tonight?" " Any chance you want to bite my ass?" "Oh, and don't forget, bugman comes tonight." " Shut up." "Hi." " Hi." "Okay, okay, okay." "Sorry." "We need to call you a cab or an uber or something, right?" " Fuck uber." " You seriously can't stay here." " Can I have a glass of water?" " Yeah, okay, okay." "Look, so, I'm thinking-- no, no, no, no." "Hey, you need to get up." "Look, you need to get up." "No, you can't stay here." "Up, up." " You're an asshole." " Look, listen." "You can't stay here, okay?" " I just want to sleep." " No, no, no, no." " Hey." " Hey." "What?" " Nothing, bro." "I can come by next week if you want, no sweat." " No." "Hey, hey." "You need to go home." " Seriously bro, I can come back next week." " No, alright?" "Just" "I'll take care of this." "Okay, okay." " Thank you." " Get some sleep." "Hey." "Hey!" " What?" " Where are you going?" " Home." " Well, do you want a ride?" " No, I'm fine." " Are you sure?" "Fine, fine, whatever." " You sure you don't mind?" " Yeah." " I'm not an alcoholic, if that's what you think." " That's not what I think." " I don't even drink really." " I don't know why you care what I think anyway." " I don't." " You want to get some coffee?" "Do you want to talk about anything?" " I don't even know you." " Okay." " Are you done?" "So what are you?" "Like some sort of actor or something?" " What?" "Where's that coming from?" " Isn't everyone who works in a restaurant some sort of actor?" " No, they're not." "And no, I'm not an actor." " Okay." "So, what's your deal then?" " My deal?" "Well, if you must know," "I'm working on an algorithm that can predict within 99% accuracy the exact moment you're gonna die." " You're an ass." " That is the only smart thing you've said all day." "I am nothing." "Just a bartender, that's it." "It's all there is." "Wanna hear a joke?" "How do gay horses greet each other?" "Hay!" "Wow, cool place." " It's okay." "Okay." "Thanks." " I don't even know your name." " Daisy." "Yes, really." " What a great name." " Not really." " Did you know that if you live in a major metropolitan area and you've been married for over a year the chances of you getting laid more than once a week are the same as your getting killed in a drive-by?" " I did not." " The only difference is that with the drive-by at least it's over quick." " Well, I will definitely keep that in mind." "Hey." " Hey." " And how are you on this fine evening?" " Good." " Usual?" " Sure, thanks." "What?" " Nothing." " How is everything?" " What?" " Would you like another one?" " No, thanks." "What?" " Nothing." " Daisy?" " Hey." " What are you doing here?" " I'm just grabbing a drink." " Are you living out here now?" " Yeah, you too I guess?" " Yeah, I am doing financing." "It's like whatever but you know, money's pretty sick." "How are you?" "What have you been up to?" " I'm kinda figuring it out." " Cool, well, do you want to come join us?" " Yeah, thanks but i was just on my way out." " Well, you know what, we definitely got to hook up, get a drink sometime." " Okay, yeah, sure." " Cool." " Gosh." "I don't know about you mister but I am whooped." "Hello?" " What?" " Wow, someone's in a mood." "That's okay." "You know what I always say, tomorrow is another day." " Yeah, no shit." " You know what, go fuck yourself, okay?" "Fuck off!" "Fuck." " Yeah, hi." " Hi." " Cool light, is it-  what are you doing here?" " I have no idea." "Yeah, so, anyway, this is weird so I am gonna-  do you want to come in?" " Yeah, sure." "You play?" " A little, yeah." "So, why are you here?" " I just, you know, needed to get out of the house, you know." " Well, I was actually just on my way out to get something to eat, so." " Oh, I'm sorry, yes." "So, sorry, I didn't mean to bother you and I hope I didn't freak you out." " You can come if you want." " Really?" " If you want." " Okay." "So, are we walking?" "So, you're a musician?" " What?" " The guitar." " No, just a hobby." " Oh, okay." "So what do you do?" " I'm kinda in between things right now." " Well, I am envious." " Of what?" " Not working, I guess." " Then quit your job." " Yeah, not really that simple." " Well, bartending seems like it's probably pretty fun." " I don't know." "It's okay, I guess." "I mean, it pays the bills." "Actually, that's bullshit." "No, I hate it." "I really fucking hate it." " So, why don't you do something else then?" " I have no idea." " Wow, that's fucking depressing." " Isn't your place back this way?" " Yeah." " So, where are we going?" " I don't know." "What, I like to walk." "I could have saved him." " Sorry, what?" " Nothing." " Hey, are you okay?" " Yeah." " Can I ask you a favor?" " What?" " Tell me something about you." " No, that's stupid." " Come on." "Anything." "Where you were born?" "Your first car, anything." " No." "Why?" " Because I wanna know something about you." "Even if it's completely insignificant." "Come on." "Anything." "It doesn't have to be important." " I'm an ass." " Yeah, me too." " Hey." " Hey." " What are you doing?" " Nothing." "How did you get here?" " I walked." "What?" "I told you I like to walk." " Okay." "Where are you walking to?" " Just around." " Well, do you want some company?" " I guess." "I'm not having sex with you." " Excuse me?" " You heard me." " Okay." " I'm serious, I'm not interested in that." "Like at all." " Alright, yeah." "I get it, okay?" "So, who's the guy from the other night?" " What guy?" " The guy from the bar." " Oh." "Nobody." "Just somebody i went to school with." " Alright." "So, where did you go to school?" "What?" "Did you go to Harvard or something?" "Seriously, Harvard?" " Yale." "What?" "It's just a school." " I mean, no, not really." " Whatever." " Why are you being so weird about it?" " I'm not." "It's just not a big deal." " Yeah, it actually kind of is." "I mean, it's a really good school, you should be proud." " Why?" "I fucking hate those people." " Wow." " You're such an asshole." " Maybe." "But I'm not an Ivy league asshole." " So, how old are you anyway?" " Where is that coming from?" "How old are you?" " I asked first." "Really, how old are you?" " Honestly I don't know." " You don't know how old you are?" " No." " Okay, then, well, what year where you born in?" " Do you mind if we talk about something else?" "What?" "It's just not really something I even think about." "Okay?" " Okay." " I hope you're enjoying yourself." " What?" "It's just a little weird, that's all." " You are really one to talk." "So, you want a ride home?" " No, I'm okay." " Okay." " Are you working tonight?" " Unfortunately." " Okay." "Maybe I'll drop by." " Alright, so this pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel hanging from the end of his pecker." "So the bartender says to the pirate," ""hey buddy, do you know that you have a ship's wheel" ""hanging from the end of your penis?"" "So the pirate says, "i know, it drives me nuts."" " Well, you've a real talent, man." " Oh yeah?" " Yeah, unfortunately it's just not for comedy." " Gee, thanks asshole." " Hello." " Hey." " New book?" " Oh yeah." " Just a little chicklet?" " Exactly." " The usual?" " Sure, why not?" "Thanks." " New friend and a famous writer nevertheless." " Who?" " The girl, that's Daisy karr, right?" " I mean, her name is Daisy." " Daisy karr?" " I guess so." " I'm impressed but I've got to ask, dude, what's somebody like Daisy karr doing hanging out with a goofball like you?" " Wait, how do you know her name?" " Well, for one, she's famous and two, despite my rigid exterior, I read books." "You mean, you don't know who she is?" "Shit, well, her book was a New York times best-seller and won all kinds of fancy awards and if you believe all the hype she's supposed to be some sort of genius or something." " Hey." " Oh, hey." "What's up?" " Nothing, you want another one?" " No, I'm okay, thanks." "Are you around tomorrow?" " Yeah." " Maybe go for a walk or something." " Yeah, sure, cool." " Coop!" "Hey, holy shit man." " Hey, man." " It has been long time." "How the fuck are you doing?" " I'm good, yeah, I'm good." " What the hell are you up to?" " I mean, still serving drinks." " Oh, shit, wow." "You've been there-  10 years." "What about you, what are you doing?" " I'm actually a teacher the last couple of years, yeah." "Yeah, I know, me inspiring little minds." "It's fucking scary, right?" "Hey, have you ever thought about it?" " Teaching?" "Not really, no." " Well, my school's always looking for substitutes, so if you're ever interested give me a shout." "Look, I'll be honest." "Subbing sucks, okay?" "The pay blows and people treat you like shit but it's a really good way to put your foot in the door." "So, send me your resume, I'll pass it along." " That's nice of you, man." "I mean, hey, maybe I will." " It was really good to see you, you know." " You too." " Take care of yourself." " Thanks." " Hey." " Oh, hey." " What?" "Is someone here?" " No." " Well, can I come in?" " Yeah, yeah." " What are you doing?" " Nothing." " Okay." "Well, did you want to go for a walk or something?" " Yeah, sure." " What is up with you?" " Nothing, why?" "So, I ran into an old friend yesterday." " You have friends?" " You are really someone to talk." " Whatever." " Anyway, so he's a teacher and he was saying that apparently his school's hiring subs and that maybe I should send in my resume." " Why?" " To apply for a job." " Do you want to teach?" " I don't know, maybe." "And who knows?" "If it goes well, it could lead to something more permanent." " Okay." " What?" "I mean, it's at least worth considering, right?" " I don't know." "Teaching sounds pretty fucking miserable, if you ask me." "But whatever." "Sure." "Okay, what?" " Nothing." " Nothing?" "Really?" " Why are you so damn negative all the time?" " I'm not negative." " Yeah, you are." "I mean, you never have anything good to say about anything and you know what, it gets old after a while." " Oh yeah?" "Well, if you don't like my negativity, maybe we should spend a little less time together." " Are you serious?" "You know what, fuck you." " So the walrus said to the waiter," ""hey wait a second, that's my wife"." "Hello?" " Huh?" "Oh yeah, sorry." " Are you okay, man?" " Yeah, yeah, I'm good, good." "Hey." " Hey." "Did you want something?" " No, not really." "Look, about yesterday I'm sorry if I was a jerk." "Alright, you know what, fine." "Forget it." "What is wrong with you?" "I like spending time with you and I really wanna be your friend, so why do you make it so damn hard?" " Are you done?" " Maybe." " Good." "Did you drive here?" " Yeah, why?" "So, are you looking for a dog?" "This guy's kinda cute." "Or this one." "Are you looking for like a certain kind of dog or" "Daisy?" "Hey, what's up?" "What's wrong?" "Hey." "How can I help?" "It's okay." "It's okay." "You're not hungry?" "You're sure you're okay?" " Yeah." "I just" "I don't know." " Hey." "You'll save the next one." " You're not helping." " So." "I read your book." " Oh, really?" " Yeah." "Are you not gonna ask if I liked it?" " No." " Well, I did." "A lot actually." " Whatever." " Don't." "Don't do that." " Do what?" " Act like that." " Okay, you liked it so-  that's not even what I'm talking about." " Oh, I had no idea-  look, for once, can you please just not act like nothing matters to you?" "Huh?" " You're really annoying." " So I guess I'll see you soon." " Maybe, we'll see." "Hey." "Thanks." " So, how do you know Jack?" " We used to work together." " Well, he speaks very highly of you." "Look, right now we're only hiring subs so even if things do work out," "I can't guarantee you a set schedule." "Are you okay with that?" " Yeah, no." "I'm totally fine with that." " Okay, let's see what we have here." "Let me look at your resume." "So, no teaching experience?" " No, not yet." " Well, we all have to start somewhere, right?" " Is something wrong?" " You don't have your degree?" " I have my associate's degree." "Actually I was a few courses shy of getting my bachelor's." " Damn." "See, that's gonna be a problem." "Even for subs, we still require a bachelor's degree." " Yeah." "I should have thought of that." " Look, you seem like good guy, so why don't you come back and see me when you finish that degree?" " Okay." "Thank you." " Hey." " Hey." " What are you doing?" " Nothing." " Were you sitting in the dark?" " No." " Are you feeling okay?" " Yeah, just fine." " Have you eaten?" "Okay, do you want to go out and grab and something to eat?" " Yeah." "Sure." " Hey, are you sure you're okay?" "Cooper?" "What are you doing?" "Are you serious?" " Hey." "Are you okay?" "Daisy." "Hey." "Daisy!" " What, what do you want?" " Where are you going, why are you acting like this?" " Why." "Because I told you." "I told you that's not what I wanted." "So why?" "Why did you do that?" " I just-- why didn't you just say no?" " You're such a fucking asshole." " Daisy." " That's really good." "Explain to me, when did people get so damned frightened." "Everybody getting plucked and tweezed and waxed and scrubbed between the legs." "Growing up they couldn't wait to get a little hair on their body." "Now everybody's looking like an 11 year-old boy." " So, how is everything?" "So, how is everything?" "How is everything?" " Daisy, I can hear you." "Will you just open the door?" "Look, I'm really sorry." "Okay?" "Come on Daisy, just open the damn door." "Please!" "Fuck you." "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you." "Fuck you." " How's everything going?" "So, how's everything?" "So, how is everything." " For the life of me, i couldn't figure out why anybody would be worried about how their burial wig is gonna be cut in the back." "So anyway-  so, how is everything?" " Fuck!" " Coop." " Yeah." " What are you doing out here?" " Nothing, I'm just taking a break." " Are you okay?" " What the fuck am i doing with my life?" " You know something, you and I have known each other for a very long time." "Right?" "And I feel like i barely know you." "I don't know, if you ask me" "I just think that's really sad." " Holy fucking shit." " Hey." " Hey." "What the hell are you doing here?" "You scared the shit out of me." " Sorry." " Yeah, well?" "What do you want?" " Can we talk?" " Sure we can talk but if it's about your schedule then you can fuck off because I'm not changing it-  it's not about my schedule." " Yeah, well, what do you want?" " Look." " You're gay?" "I knew it." " I'm not gay, nope." "I can't do this anymore." " Do what?" " This." "I can't work here anymore." " You're quitting?" " Yeah." "Sorry." " What?" "You're quitting." "So?" "You want a fucking parade or something?" " No, it's just" "I worked here a long time." " Yeah, well." "Shit happens." "Fucking white people." "Always have to be so dramatic about everything." " You can't just keep showing up like this." " I know." " Okay, well, I'm just leaving." "What?" "What do you want from me?" " I'm really sorry." "I really am and if it is at all possible," "I would still like to be your friend." " I'm not sure it is." " Can't we at least just try?" "What the hell are you so afraid of?" " I'm not afraid of anything." " That is bullshit." "Because you are just as afraid as me only you're too chickenshit to admit it." "Want me to go first?" "Fine." "I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life and it scares the shit out of me." "What else?" "I'm afraid of getting old, of being alone." "And I'm really afraid that you won't forgive me." "So basically I'm just scared to fucking death." "So I'm begging you, please can we just give it one more try?" "Because I would really, really like to be your friend." " You're such an asshole." " Hey there, big guy." " Well, hello there." " Oh, hey." " How you're feeling?" " Good." " That's good." "Well, if you two need anything just let me know." " Actually I'm-- can I meet him?" " Well, yeah you can." "He's a good boy too." " Come on, here, here." "Ready, ready?" "Here, Cooper." "Yes." " So what do you think?" " I like him." "He's old." "Kinda like you."