"Previously on "desperate housewives"... the police dug upyour father today." "They think that somebodywas poisoning him." "Apparently,I'm a suspect." "Bree felt threatened by the past." " Get the damn lawyer." " Are you hitting on me?" "Gabrielle was threatened by seduction." "Do you mean julie?" "If I come back with you,then I can make it up to her." "You should find your fatherfirst." "Let me help." "And while some threats..." "Were kept under control... let's get this over with." "Some were left free to return." "Since her first day on the job, it had been clear to lynette scavo that her new boss nina was unusually tense." "To help relieve her tension, lynette tried giving her boss thoughtful gifts-- a soothing wave machine... aromatherapy candles... even meditative chi balls." "But nothing seemed to ease nina's tension." ""Distilledthe old-fashioned way."" "You know,it actually hurts my teeth to say that out loud." "You folks are going to toddleback to your little holes and you are gonna come upwith a decent slogan or I will can all your assesthe old-fashioned way." "Until one day when it occurred to lynette there was one form of relaxation she had yet to try." "It's a gimlet.You'll love it." "What exactlyis your plan here, to get me all liquored upso I buy the revised pitch?" "Don't be ridiculous." "Could we get a trough of these,please?" "I can't remember the last timeI was in a bar." "Must have been the last timeI had a boyfriend, which was... oh,god,I'm a nun." "So why don't you go outand get in the game?" "Believe it or not, when it comes to meeting men,I am... shy." "Well,I'm not." "So,uh... what about that guyover there?" "He's been checking you outsince we walked in." "He's cute." "So go over there." "no." "Oh,for god's sakes." "Where are you going?" "Lynette,sit-- hey,stretch, see my friend over there?" "She thinks you're cute." "Why don't youbuy her a drink?" "Hey,everybody." "Hi." "Oh,it's a beautiful morning,isn't it?" "Thank you,sweetie." "Oh,hey,lynette,I readthe new vodka proposal." "Oh,you guys hit itout of the park." "I love that color." "Thanks." "Hey,nina." "Yeah?" "And although it had come about in an unexpected manner... aren't those the same clothes you were wearing last nightin the bar?" "Yep." "Nina's tension had finally been released... the old-fashioned way." "Everyone in this world needs someone they can depend upon, be it a faithful companion, trusted confidant... or loyal friend." "For susan mayer,that dependable someone was her book agent lonny moon." "It was lonny who helped susan promote her first children's book." "It was lonny who rushed susan to the hospital the night julie was born." "It was lonny who took susan's mind off her painful divorce with a fun vacation." "Yes,lonny was susan's rock." "Sadly for susan, her rock was about to crumble." "for those of you just joining us, we have a new development in the melanie foster case... lonny,what are you doing here?" "It's past noon." "Which means it's nowsocially acceptable to begin drinking." "I can't believe I let youtalk me into this." "I am so behind in my work." "But I'm glad I came.This is fun." "I've gotta be honest." "I had an ulterior motive." "Oh?" "I've decided to startmy own agency." "You're leaving muir and hunt?" "You helped build that place." "I know,but I just feelit's time." "And now the question is,will you come with me?" "Well... of course." "Okay!" "To the future." "I'll just call the agency, and I'll let them knowl'm going with you." "Oh,I don't thinkthat's necessary." "Really?" "Yeah,I thinkit might be rude not to." "Lonny... what's going on?" "Okay." "There's been some bad bloodbetween me and the partners." "Why?" "I got into this thingwhere I had to move a little client moneyaround temporarily to cover some expenses." "You had to "move money"?" "What does that mean?" "I took a little from here,and I moved it there." "It was no big deal." "Really?" "'Cause it sort of soundslike embezzlement." "Why do peoplekeep using that word?" "!" "Who else is usingthat word?" "Nobody." "The partnersand their forensic accountant." "Oh,my god." "Lonny,did you "move"some of my money?" "Absolutely not.I swear!" "Susan,don't look at methat way." "I know what I didwas wrong, and I feel likea complete idiot for doing it, but please,please don't hate me." "Well,I don't hate you." "I couldn't hate you.You're my lonny." "So... will you stillcome with me?" "You know what?" "This is one of those times when you find outwho your real friends are, so,yeah." "Oh,thank you!" "Thank you!" "You are one special lady,susan mayer." "Is that the baby's head?" "No,that's his foot." "That looks likea head to me." "Well,that settles it." "When this baby's born," "I'll be in chargeof putting on the socks." "You're glowing today,you know that?" "Pregnancy agrees with you.Yeah?" "Well,if you don't mindthe hemorrhoids and the nausea, it's quite the party." "I wonder where david is.He should've been here by now." "So this new lawyer's good?" "He's quite the shark.You're gonna love him." "He hasn't lost a casein six years." "He argued in front ofthe state supreme court, and he made our conjugal visithappen pretty damn fast." "Well,hey,I'm a fan already." "Sorry I'm late." "Oh,david." "Good to see you,gaby.Carlos,I'm david." "I don't think so." "What the hellare you doing?" "That guy's not gonna bemy lawyer." "Find a new one." "You haven't fileda single charge." "Either determine a homicideor release the body." "We've got a court orderwhich says, until we're done with it,the corpse is ours." "He is not a corpse." "He is a mannamed rex van de kamp." "He was a loving husband,a devoted father and a successful doctor." "So successful,in fact,that he left me enough money to sue the city,this precinct and you two gentlemenpersonally just for the fun of it." "Mrs. Van de kamp,we don'trespond well to threats, so if I--release the body." "What?" "The evidence we haveis minimal at best." "Mrs. Van de kampwas gracious enough to come down hereand take that lie detector test." "I think it's the leastwe can do for her." "Thank you." "So,uh,what will happen now?" "Obviously,we'll putmr." "Van de kamp back just like we found him." "Yes,and I'm sureyou will bury him with all the dignityof a dead hamster." "No,I want rex released to me and I will makeall the arrangements." "Fine." "And,of course,you'll bepaying all the costs." "Of course." "Detective barton, you are clearly a gentleman." "people have gathered at attenborough high school, where melanie attended... no,it's fine." "I'll pick 'em upon my way home." "Okay,so what do you want?" "Oh,parker hates pepperoni.Um,how about sausage?" "Yeah,and a small cheese." "Okay,perfect." "Love you." "Hey,you." "Hey." "You wanna hit o'donnell's?" "I owe you a beer." "Actually,I owe youso much more than that." "You're welcome,but I really need to get home." "Oh,come on." "I had sucha good time last night." "Um,why don't you ask trudy?" "She loves going out." "Trudy?" "Are you kidding?" "I don't need the competition." "Have you seen trudywithout her jacket?" "She's hot." "Oh,is she now?" "Oh,I-I didn't meanthat you're not... hot." "I just--you're married." "You know,you're off the market." "I don't have to worryabout fighting you for guys." "Come on,lynette.Just one quick little drink." "I was actuallystarting to think that you and iwere becoming pals." "Pals?" "'Cause sometimesit's hard to tell." "You know,I wasn't feelingthe love today when you mocked my campaigning front of the clients." "That was justputting on a show for work." "In the future,always assumethat I am winking inside." "Come on.I hate to go to a bar alone." "I feel like such a loser." "Okay." "One drink." "Yeah!" "One or two." "No." "Thank you so muchfor bringing my mail over." "You know,I have someof yours in the kitchen." "Well,that's the fourth time.What's up with this postman?" "Oh,I know.He used to be great." "Then he had this stroke,and,well, now we're lucky if hedoesn't drool on the coupons." "But feel free to snoop around.I'll be right back." "now for those of you just joining us, families in chicago breathed a sigh of relief today as an arrest was finally made in the brutal attack on local high school student melanie foster." "But word of the suspect's capture comes as small comfort to the foster family... betty?" "...Who lost their 17-year-old daughter almost four months ago." "Betty?" "The victim's body was discovered in a local park less than a mile from attenborough high." "Did you see the news?" "They've arrested somebody." "Yeah." "Looks likewe're in the clear." "Well,I have some good news." "The police have finally releasedrex's body." "About time.You must be so relieved." "You know,mostly I'm just annoyed that the whole thinghappened in the first place." "I mean,how in the world couldanybody accuse me of murder?" "Well,you are wound pretty tight." "What?" "The supermom is alwaysthe first to snap." "They've done studies." "Anyway,I was hoping that you were all freefriday morning, because that's when I'm goingto be hosting the reburial." "The what?" "Look,I know it's an imposition, but danielle is awayon a class trip, and andrew is backat camp hennessey for a little refresher course." "Well,it's just gonna be a very briefand dignified ceremony, and I was hoping thatyou could say a few words, and,um,I'm gonna read a poem." "We would love to come.Absolutely." "I'm busy." "Sorry." "(Whispers) edie!" "(Whispers)she's going to read a poem." "Ow!" "Fine." "Yes,yes,we'd all love to come." "Well,thank you." "You don't know how muchthis means to me." "I realize looking backthat I was still in shock during rex's first funeral." "I don't think it had quitehit me yet what had happened, so that's why this smallceremony means so much to me, because I realize now that... this is the last chanceI'm gonna have to say good-bye." "Oh." "Unless,of course,they dig him up again." "Sure,there was times when lisa was rude and obnoxious, but I know now thatthat was no excuse to always be beatin' on her." "Oh,baby,I'm so sorry." "Good job,you two." "This is an example of how to useincarceration to your benefit." "It's a chance for peopleto take a step back and observe the obstaclesthey face in their marriage." "Can I go now?" "'Cause I have a lot to say about the obstacles I'm facingin my marriage." "We don't got any obstacles." "Yes,we do,lamar.We got big ones." "Okay,hold on,you two." "I think that it'scarlos and gabrielle's turn." "Thanks,but we're good." "this isyour third group session, but you have yetto share anything." "Come on." "Talk to us.How's your marriage?" "Shaky at best.And why is that?" "I don't know.I hired a brilliant lawyer to get my husbandout of this hellhole, and he fired himfor no reason at all." "Carlos?" "I just didn't like him." "Why not?" "He's experienced,he's intelligent, he's successful.Exactly." "I'd prefer an attorney youdidn't find so damn appealing." "Oh,my god." "You fired himbecause you're jealous?" "Don't I have the right to?" "You know,she cheated on me." "oh,bob,you beat your wife." "You are so not allowed to gasp." "Don't you talk that wayto him." "One more word out of you,lisa,and I will backhand you myself." "Okay,calm down." "Thousands of fat,bald attorneysout there in the world, and she's gotta get the one thatlooks like an underwear model." "I'm not discussing thisanymore." "You can rot in herefor all I care." "So,um... mona,what do you feel are the biggest problemsin your marriage?" "By the way,he was wearing a suit." "How do you knowhe had a good body?" "Do you know?" "No!" "I bet he's hot." "Do I need to say whatour biggest problem is, or can everybody figure it outfor themselves?" "Why are you readingthat contract?" "I told you." "Lonny wants meto sign with this new agency." "But you didn't say you were seriously thinkingabout going with him." "I know,I know." "Just lonny's family." "You know,he's alwaysbeen there for me." "He paid my rentwhen I was waiting for my first royalty check." "He called me every daywhen karl left." "I mean,I just owe himso much." "Susan,he committed a felony." "Okay,who in this room has not committed a felony?" "Raise your hand." "Ah-ah-ah,not so fast." "Your agent represents you." "You've gotta be ableto trust him." "How is that gonna bepossible now?" "Well,it's possible becauseI have faith in people." "I mean,lonny knowshe messed up, and he's sorry.He's making restitution." "What,you don't believe peopledeserve second chances?" "Not when they messed upthis much,no." "Really?" "So that's it with you?" "You just get one shot, and you screw up,and you're out?" "I didn't knowyou were such a cynic." "Hey,I'm sorry,all right?" "I guess it's justthe way I'm wired." "I got a jobover in greenwood, so I'll call youlater tonight." "You okay?" "julie..." "I did something bad,something really,really bad." "Aren't you gonna ask mewhat it was?" "Do I ever have to?" "Last week when mike and iwent to the park searching for zach," "I sort of found him." "No!" "Yes,and I gave him moneyand I sent him away, and I didn't tell mike." "Holy crap.What are you gonna do?" "I don't know." "What would you doif this happened to you?" "See,this would neverhappen to me." "This kind of thingonly happens to you." "Will you stop judgingand help me?" "Well,obviously,you're gonna have to tell him." "Well,I can't do that." "You heard what he saidabout his wiring." "I betrayed him." "He'll never forgive me.Okay. Don't tell him." "Well,how can I not?" "I feel so guilty," "I can barely look him in the eyewhen he talks about zach." "So where do you thinkzach went?" "Utah." "Oh,lord.Why did I do this?" "I have a feelingyou did it for me." "Hey,girl." "I hope you arein the mood for margaritas 'cause it is salsa nightat o'donnell'S." "Oh,fun." "But I can't go tonightbecause I promised the twins that I would help themfinish their science project." "Lynette,if the late hours are going to be an issuefor you, we probably shouldtalk about finding you a less demanding account." "You're gonnatake me off kamarov because I won't godrinking with you?" "No." "Oh,god,no." "Honey,I get it.You have a family." "Home has to come firstfor you." "Thank you." "I mean,for me,the client comes first." "Me being a perfectionistis my own neurotic issue, and I know that I reallyneed to work on that." "But trust me,I will never sleep again if this campaign getsmucked up." "I'll figure something out.You go home." "Have a good night." "Nina?" "Yeah." "I can handle the extra hours." "Oh,lynette." "You sure?" "Yeah." "I'll get my coat." "Wow,this place is rowdyafter happy hour,huh?" "Yeah." "Hey..." "look at that guyright there." "The end of the bar." "The shoulderswith the tan jacket." "Yeah." "Go get him for me." "hey there." "So they're going on aboutmelanie foster on the news." "It's time we talked about her,caleb." "Until you start acceptingresponsibility for what happened, you know I can't let youout of here." "What the hell is this?" "!" "Mom!" "where are you?" "!" "I'll be right back." "And I will expect youto answer me." "where are you?" "!" "I'm coming!" "Coming." "What were you gonna do with this?" "Don'T." ""I know who really killedmelanie foster." ""You've arrestedthe wrong man"?" "What are you thinking?" "The police need to knowthe truth." "The hell they do!" "This is our chance." "We are good people." "We can't letan innocent man go to jail." "Okay,you wanna dothe right thing?" "Well,then call 9-1-1and tell 'em you got a killerlocked up in the basement." "He is not a killer.He was confused." "He didn't knowwhat he was doing." "He knows a lot more thanyou give him credit for." "I'm mailing the letter." "Do you realizewhat's gonna happen?" "Mom,are youthinking it through?" "I'm mailing the letter." "If you do,you'd better hopeto god they don't find us." "'Cause they're not gonna carehow slow caleb is." "They'll just execute him." "Lonny?" "Are you here?" "It's susan." "Lonny?" "Susan?" "What are you doing here?" "Well,I just came overto give you the contracts." "Your door was open." "Oh." "Great." "Sorry this placeis such a mess." "I've been working here tillwe get the new offices painted." "Wait till you see them." "They're gonna bereally beautiful." "Where's jeannie?" "She's with the kidsup in minnesota visiting her mom." "They love it up there." "Keep changing the dateon dear old dad." "There's no electricity." "There isn't?" "Oh,I'm such a dummy." "I've been..." "I've been so swamped," "I must have forgottento pay the electric bill." "Lonny... how much financial troubleare you really in?" "I'm fine." "You know what it is?" "I had to pay all those peopleback at the same time-- restitution plus interest." "It's not somethingI'd recommend." "It sucks you dry." "I've gonna ask youa question, and I want youto tell me the truth." "Did you steal from me?" "Absolutely not." "Please don't lie.Just tell me." "Is that what you wantto hear?" "Do I have to say itso that we can move on?" "Fine." "I did it." "But yours wasthe first money I paid back, so the slate'sbeen wiped clean." "Let's just move past it." "Suze?" "I'm sorry." "I just can'ttrust you anymore." "Yes,you can!" "No,I can'T." "You can.Can'T." "Give me the contract!" "No!" "okay,okay,fine." "Aah!" "What are you doing?" "!" "Are you tryingto take me down with you?" "!" "I am not going down!" "My life is great!" "I have never been happier, and I've never been thinner!" "Get off me,you amazon!" "Aah!" "what are you doing here?" "You left me a message.You said you wanted to talk." "Yeah,I thought you'd schedulean appointment later." "Right now I'm sort ofdisgusting and sweaty." "I'm a criminal lawyer.I've seen worse." "So did you find a new lawyerfor mr." "Charming?" "I don't want a new lawyer.I want you." "So does carlos.He just doesn't realize it yet." "A 1988 romanée-conti la tche.I'm impressed." "Look,to be honest,carlos isa little threatened by you." "He thinks if we spendtoo much time together, that something...might happen." "Somebody's gotan active imagination." "Corkscrew?" "David,we're not hereto drink wine,okay?" "This is business." "Now you have to convincecarlos that he can trust you." "How am I gonna do that?" "I don't know." "Tell him you'rehappily married or--or gay." "yeah,right." "You're a lawyer." "You lieto juries all the time." "Can't you just make something up?" "I'm past the pointing my career where I have to beg for work.I'm sorry." "Okay,david,I'm holdingmy marriage together by my fingernails." "If carlos serveshis full sentence," "I don't think we're gonnamake it,so please,I need you." "I'll say this much for carlos.He's got excellent taste... in wine." "Montrachet.It's good stuff." "Are you gonna help meor not?" "We'll go see carlos tomorrow.I'll turn him around for you." "Really?" "What are you gonna say?" "Play it by ear." "I don't wannasound too over-rehearsed." "Hey,that's my wine." "Deduct it from my bill." "It all started withbad real estate investments." "You should have justcome clean." "Yeah,well,you tell one lie,the second one comes easy." "Then you're making up new liesto cover up the old ones." "Pretty soon,you can't turn back,you know?" "I do." "When jeannie finally caught on,she took the kids." "She took the furniture." "The bank locked meout of my own house." "Wow." "That's why I can't lose youas a client." "Well,I'm sorry,but you have." "I don't blame you." "You'll never losemy friendship,though." "I mean that." "Really?" "Of course.You're my lonny." "and you're my susie." "you're my susie." "Oh!" "What the hellis wrong with you?" "!" "I'm your lonny.That's what you said." "Not like that." "But I thought..." "I mean,there's alwaysbeen this magnetism." "No,there has not been,and there never will be!" "Oh,my god!" "But I was just coming clean!" "Hey,morgan!" "Got a letterfrom some guy claiming he attackedmelanie foster." "You ran me down for that?" "I got dozens of kookscoming out of the woodwork, all saying we arrestedthe wrong guy." "This one knowsabout the ax." "Here you go,mrs." "Van de kamp." "Thank you.The hearse is right outside, so if you'll justfollow me... oh,shoot." "There's a formi need you to sign." "I think I left itback in the office." "That's all right." "I'll wait.Okay." "I'm here,sweetheart, and I'm gonna take careof everything." "But you knew that,didn't you?" "You've always knownthat you can count on me." "Mrs. Van de kamp." "Detective barton,what are you doing here?" "Oh,just taking careof some business." "Is this... yes." "This is rex." "I-I wanna thank you againfor what you did." "It was so refreshingto be treated with kindness after weeks of justludicrous accusations." "The doctor doesn't thinkthey're ludicrous." "Well,I know,but rex died in his care." "I mean,of course he'd liketo blame someone else." "But the tests he did,uh... oh,please don't talk to meabout tests." "Rex was not poisoned, and no one I knowbelieves that he was." "Rex did." "What?" "Well,the doctor told rexhe was being poisoned, and rex believed him." "How would you know that?" "Oh!" "Where did you get this?" "We found that in rex's bedafter he died." "That is his handwriting,isn't it?" "You know what I think?" "Rex felt guiltyfor the way he treated you." "The adultery,the public humiliations." "That's why he forgave you.He understood why you did it." "How couldhe have believed this?" "Look,my wife cheated on me,too." "I know how much it hurts." "And so will a judge." "Everyone understandscrimes of passion." "But every daythat you stonewall makes you lookmore and more like a cold,calculating killer." "We both knowthat's not you." "But I can't help you unlessyou start telling the truth." "I'm sorry,but I-I,um,I have to go." "I have some thingsthat I need to take care of." "Bree,it is obvious your husbandloved you very much." "Don't you think you owe to himto admit the truth?" "Detective,I know exactlywhat my husband deserves." "Now would you be a dear?" "Thank you." "What's he doing here?" "I have a pitch for you." "I wanna explain to you why I think it's in your bestinterest for you to allow me to represent you." "Oh,for pete's sake,carlos,at least listen to the man." "I guess it beatssitting in my cell." "Now I don't think you havea problem with me as a lawyer." "Clearly,I'm the real deal." "I sense your problemwith me is more personal." "You sense right." "You wanna know if I'm interestedin sleeping with your wife." "And the answer is yes." "he--carlos,he's kidding." "tell him you're kidding." "Shut it." "Now clearly, gabrielle's willful,self-centered and manipulative." "She's also beautiful enoughto be worth the trouble." "So the minutewe leave this room," "I'm going to aggressivelypursue her, and when I succeed,which I will, we're gonna fiyto my chateau in chamonix and have dinnerin a local bistro." "They make the best raclettein all of europe." "We'll make love by the fireand afterwards do a little midnight skiing.You ski,don't you?" "You're athletic.You'll learn." "Anyway,all of thisonly happens if you fire me." "If you keep me onas your lawyer, your wife's off-limits." "I'd get disbarred for sleepingwith a client's wife, and nobody's worth that,not even her." "So that's my pitch." "I'll let you think about it." "Honey,I am so sorry." "Honestly,that guy's insane." "Boy,you just can't wait,can you?" "What?" "He's my lawyer.But,carlos-- and that's allthere is to it." "How about a dance?" "How about it?" "Yes." "Well,you guys have fun." "This is the fifth nightin a row" "I haven't been hometo tuck in my kids, so I'm gonna go." "No." "You're gonna stay put.It is friday night, and you have all weekendto play with your kids." "Watch my purse." "Hey." "I'm chuck." "Chuck,I'm gonna stop youright there." "Happily married." "Well... looks like we have gotsomething in common." "Ugh." "Chuck?" "Get your handoff my thigh." "No,not up my thigh.Off it." "Come on!" "What's the matter with you?" "I'm not available.And I'm not that easy!" "Well,what are you doing ina pick-up bar at 10:30 at night?" "Well,I don't usuallydo this." "Oh,come on,honey,who are you kidding?" "I've seen you here every nightthis week." "You're a regular." "At that moment it occurred to lynette that chuck,though inebriated, had a valid point." "The time had come to declare a war of independence." "And the surest path to victory would require an aggressive campaign of shock... and awe." "it's crazy here tonight." "Don't you wantto dance?" "No,thanks." "I thinkI'll sit this one out." "Lynette savored her victory confident that she would never again have to engage her opponent on this particular battlefield." "Ooh!" "I love this song." "Here,hold my purse." "Bree,where have you been?" "We were starting to get worried." "Oh,I'm sorry." "I was just attendingto some last minute details." "Right this way.Where are we going?" "To rex's gravesite." "Well,I thought thatthis was his gravesite." "I'm changing it.Why?" "Well,he did something toupset me,and I want him gone." "What did he do?" "You know,it's so unpleasant.I'd rather not get into it." "Have you seen these gravestones?" "Some are from the 1800s." "Just fascinating." "Bree,wait,you're gonnahave to explain." "Rex is dead." "What couldhe have done to upset you?" "My husband,the man I spentmy life with for 18 years, died thinkingthat I murdered him." "What?" "Yes,the cardiologist sharedthis moronic theory with rex." "And rex believed him!" "Are you sure?" "Yes,because he left a noteand it said,and I quote," ""bree,I understand.And I forgive you."" "I spent 18 years of my lifewith this man." "How could he not know me?" "Well,maybe he was forgiving youfor something else." "I have done nothing to be forgiven for!" "I was a fantastic wife!" "When he was sick,I nursed him." "When we were low on money,I stayed within a budget." "I cooked his meals.I mended his clothes." "For the love of god,I usedto check his back for acne." "And that miserableson of a bitch has the nerve to understandand forgive me?" "Well,the joke's on him, because I do not understand,and I do not forgive." "Hi." "We're--we're just going to a funeral." "Right this way." "Honey,I know you're hurt,but are you sure you're not gonnachange your mind?" "I mean,there's noturning back after this." "If you think I'm gonnalay next to someone for eternity who thinks I'm a murderer,you're crazy." "As far as I'm concerned, let him decomposewith strangers." "Everyone in the world needs someone they can depend on, be they faithful friends," "determined advocates... or a loving family." "But occasionally in life, the people we thought would always be there for us leave." "And if that happens, it's amazing the lengths we'll go to... to get them back."