"Dennis, we've got a lot of work to do." "I feel I've been slacking off lately, and I need you to keep me focused." "Sure thing." "What's that?" "Oh, your personalized Louisville Slugger arrived." "May I see it?" "No." "Today we're staying focused." "Correct." "I'll just take a little peek and then it's right back in the box." "No!" "You'll see it at the end of the day." "Perfect." "I'll look at it on a break." "Dennis, find out when the galleys are due." "Tuesday." "Morning?" "Afternoon." "Good work." "I think we've earned ourselves a little break." "(WHOOPING)" "(DENNIS WHISTLES)" "Hey, whoa!" "Check it out right there. "Jack Gallo."" "Every great ballplayer has had his name engraved on a Louisville Slugger." "Yeah, I know." "My niece Tiffany got one." "Okay, we all need to keep our eye on the ball." "Cosmo may be on a winning streak, but the game's not over till the bottom of the ninth." "Dad, could you take it easy on the baseball metaphors?" "Sure thing." "Nina, take the plate." "Oh, thank you." "I have very big news." "The day after tomorrow I will be on Wake Up New York showing off my expertise." "Rifle assembly in the dark?" "Oh, that's just a silly party trick." "No, no, no." "I'm going to be representing Blush and showing people make-up tips." "Specifically lipstick." "That's really scoring one for the team, Nina." "Dennis, you're up." "Maya, you're on deck." "Dad, please." "Ah, I'm up." "Today I'll be interviewing candidates for the intern spot." "Ooh, new interns." "Which brings me to my next point." "Please do not talk to the new recruits." "Please do not offer them encouragement." "Please do not handcuff them to your desk." "I was merely trying to..." "Okay, I won't." "(PHONE RINGING)" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Blush magazine." "Yeah." "Maya, it's for you." "John Kenny." "Really?" "I'll take it." "Are you sure?" "Well, yeah, why wouldn't I?" "Who's John Kenny?" "Maya's first boyfriend." "What a jackass." "Never trust a person with two first names." "That's a lesson I learned when I lent my golf clubs to Brian Keith." "So what's wrong with this guy?" "He got a chance to study acting in London, so he just took off." "Never phoned her or anything." "Man, this guy really got under your skin." "What'd you do?" "Walk in on them messing around?" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "You're fired!" "ALL:" "Oh." "Wait, wait, wait." "You actually walked in on them going at it?" "They said they were doing homework." "Lies!" "You know, I used the same excuse growing up on the farm." "With my constant studying, Pa never understood why I was so poor at book-learning." "What are you talking about?" "Nothing." "I thought we were never gonna talk about that." "We weren't." "Let's just forget the whole thing." "He's on his way over." "What?" "What, he's...he's in town for a couple of days, and he wants to say hello." "Look, just be careful." "Don't get all goofy!" "Please, I am not a teenager anymore." "Duh." "Nina, do you have a brush?" "So this boy, was he your first love?" "Can you tell?" "So what happened?" "Oh, well, we were hot and heavy all through senior year of high school." "I thought we would be together forever." "Then he got his big break." "Royal Shakespeare Company called him, and he went off to London, where he's been ever since." "My first love was a peanut farmer named Lyle." "(SIGHS)" "Oh God, he was handsome." "We used to make love in his barn till the cows came home." "At which point we'd move on to the grain silo." "How did it end?" "Oh, I'm terribly allergic to peanuts, and he couldn't give up the farm." "That's so sad." "Yeah, I know." "It was like Romeo and Juliet." "Only with peanuts." "So you wanna be a Blush intern." "(CHUCKLES)" "You wanna work at a big city mag-o-zine." "Well, I got news for you." "It ain't that easy!" "What's that, a tattoo?" "Oh, sorry, man." "You might wanna get that looked at." "This is a fashion mag-o-zine!" "And we may put our pants on one leg at a time, but they're nice pants, with belts to match our shoes!" "Beat it!" "(SNICKERS)" "That's funny, huh?" "What, are you Toliver?" "Says you're from Westchester." "The only thing they got in Westchester are pools and fools." "I don't see no diving board." "Which one are you?" "You must be a fool!" "I don't even know what that means." "Brian Toliver." "What's your middle initial?" "L?" "M." "Yeah?" "Well, if it was "L" you'd be a BLT, wouldn't you?" "Does your mama make you a little BLT before you go to school?" "No." "Well your mama's not here, is she?" "And for the next six and a half hours you will not blink, drink, think or blink without my permission!" "You got that?" "You said blink twice." "Blink!" "There, that's three!" "You wanna go for four?" "Huh, tough guy?" "I didn't think so!" "You eyeballing me, boy?" "Don't you eyeball me, boy!" "Hey, look who's here." "John, hello." "Oh, Maya!" "(CHUCKLES)" "God, you look beautiful." "It's like we haven't aged a day." "Nina, this is John Kenny." "Charmed." "Enchantee." "Ooh-la-la." "Nina!" "Hello." "And, um, this is Elliott, our head photographer." "Oh, hey." "You know, I may be looking for somebody to take some new head shots." "You interested?" "Well, I don't..." "I would need to see some samples first." "Great." "Or we could forget the whole thing." "Well, if it isn't our old friend Johnny." "John." "How you doing, Johnny boy?" "Pretty good, Mr. Gallo." "That's a nice bat." "Isn't it?" "Louisville Slugger." "Hardest damn stick of wood in the world." "How'd you like to get hit in the ear with one of these?" "Uh, why don't we go to my office?" "We're gonna go catch up." "Sure, you kids go talk." "Have a nice time." "Keep the door open." "I hate him." "Me, too." "So..." "Yeah?" "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "So, um, tell me, how are you?" "How's London?" "Are you still acting?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "A little bit of television." "You know, the BBC." "But my first love will always be Lady Theater." "You know, I just finished my third run as Tommy." "The rock opera?" "No." "Actually, it's Tommy Tapeworm." "It's in a children's theater production called, Don't Lick the Swing Set." "Wow." "Indeed." "Well, I can't believe you're here." "I know, I know." "It's weird." "I went back to the old high school, sat on the steps." "God, those were good times." "Yeah, they were." "Me, on stage, lights warming my face." "And you." "Also there." "Watching me." "God, don't you miss that?" "Yeah, well, sure." "But life goes on." "God, I was crazy to let you go, Maya." "But I've grown." "I'm not the same guy that I was 15 years ago." "Please, have dinner with me tonight." "Well..." "And tomorrow." "Look, I'm only here for a few days." "And I wanna spend all of my time with you." "Okay." "Hey, kids, having fun?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Hi." "Elliott, be honest." "How old do I look?" "Do you still carry a gun?" "Yes." "Twenty." "I'm serious." "I'm gonna be on TV tomorrow, and I wanna look beautiful." "Oh, Nina, you are beautiful." "Don't be nervous." "Oh, it's just that I haven't been on television since I played a Fembot on The Bionic Woman." "That's not true." "You were on that episode of Cops." "Oh, they pushed my face in the grass." "You can't even tell it's me." "Morning." "ELLIOTT:" "Morning?" "It's past noon." "Maya, I am proud of you." "Nina, I tell you, John and I had the best time last night." "We just walked all around the city, and then we went back to my place, and I helped him do lines all night long." "And wasn't the sex like a million times better?" "Lines from a play." "Oh." "He wrote it himself." "He's been trying to get it off the ground for years." "It's called, A Spy In The House Of Me." "What the hell kind of title is that?" "Oh, I think it's clever." "It's about his thoughts and his feelings, as told to a cab driver, who may or may not be the devil." "(CHUCKLES)" "I guess yelling "fire" isn't the worst thing you can do in a theater." "Not too much cinnamon there, Toliver." "Easy." "Hey, easy, back it off." "Maybe while he's up my butt he can check for polyps." "(BOTH LAUGH)" "You know, every year there's some joker who thinks he's smarter than me." "I guess this year it's you, ain't it?" "Well guess what, tough guy." "You just bought yourself 200 more reports to collate." "Huh?" "You got a little funny comeback for that one?" "Huh, BLT?" "Me?" "No, nothing, PMS." "Yeah, I didn't think so!" "Yeah!" "Come on!" "Maya, do you have your article proposal done yet?" "Um, I finished it, but I left it at home by accident." "You wanna know what I think?" "I think you're getting all goofy again!" "Oh, I am not." "John, what are you doing here?" "Great news." "I just came from a callback for Another World." "And you're looking at the new racist judge." "Wait a minute." "Does this mean..." "Yeah." "I'm moving to New York." "(BOTH LAUGH)" "Hey, can I stay at your place for a while?" "Yeah." "I can't believe you're moving back to New York." "As soon as they heard me read, they said, "I think we have our new racist judge."" "So what's your character like?" "He's a funny bird." "A dreamer." "You said he was a racist." "He dreams of an all white country." "So what are we talking about?" "A couple episodes?" "Nay. 16 weeks, maybe more." "Oh, hey, do you think you can help me run lines tonight?" "Sure." "Maya, could I talk to you in private for a minute?" "No, I'm busy." "You know what?" "It's okay, go ahead." "I need to ring my barrister." "Oh, sorry." "Call my lawyer." "Oh, and you, sorry, mon frere, but now that I'm employed, I guess I won't be needing those headshots." "Oh, darn it." "I knew just where I was gonna put my tripod." "I forbid you to see him!" "What?" "You heard him." "Give me one good reason." "Well, look at yourself." "You're a strong, independent woman." "This putz walks in and you change into a giddy 12 year old!" "Plus he's a bad actor." "If he's such a bad actor, how did he get into the Royal Shakespeare Company?" "Answer that." "He got in because I pulled strings to get him in to keep him the hell away from you." "Uh-oh." "You did what?" "Come on, Maya." "Didn't it ever occur to you that the horse's ass never auditioned?" "He didn't need to audition." "A scout saw him in You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown and recognized his potential." "Huh!" "Well, the joke's on you, isn't it?" "Because he's back in my life." "Well, pages 38 and 39, out of order." "Flip flop." "Very sloppy." "Oopsy-daisy." "Better re-collate those." "Hey, man, what's your problem?" "You're my problem!" "Why don't you just quit?" "No, sir!" "I know you're tired!" "I'm on to you, you preppy frat boy." "You don't got what it takes." "I won't quit!" "Then I'm kicking you out!" "No, don't you do that!" "Why not?" "Because I got a bunch of student loans, and I need the school credit to graduate." "And..." "And what?" "I got nowhere else to go!" "(CRYING) I got nowhere else to go." "(SIGHS)" "Go grab yourself a smoothie, Toliver." "Thank you." "Oh, and one of those big cookies for me?" "Why can't she see through this guy?" "It's the hair." "It's always the hair." "The thought of him sitting across the table every Thanksgiving, eating my stuffing, phoning his barrister." "Ogling your wife." "What's that supposed to mean?" "What?" "She's hot." "She is hot, isn't she?" "Scorching." "That's enough." "Jack, you want my advice?" "Go tell Maya you love her and support her." "That way, when they break up, you two will still be okay." "You know what?" "You're right." "Thanks a lot." "I'm gonna go tell her now." "Maya, I just wanna tell you that... (MAYA AND JOHN GASP)" "JACK:" "Son of a bitch!" "MAYA:" "Daddy!" "I'll kill you!" "Dad!" "No!" "Not the face!" "Not the face!" "Mmm." "Mmm." "Hello." "Hello." "Hello." "(KNOCK ON DOOR) Hello?" "Miss Van Horn, I'll take you backstage now." "Well, let's do it." "Just one last check, I wanna make sure I look perfect." "And I do." "Man, for someone so skinny, she sure packs away a lot of peanut dip." "Here's the last of the reports." "They're proofread, collated and double checked." "I cleaned the coffee machine." "I updated your speed dial, and I made brownies." "Well done." "Listen, I don't know how to tell you this..." "Save the hero worship, Toliver." "I'm just a man." "Actually, I was offered a paying job at another magazine." "What are you talking about?" "I'm the one who trained you." "I'm the one who made you tough." "You can't just walk out that door and go to some second rate magazine." "It's Penthouse." "Oh." "Look, if I'm letting you down, I'm willing to stay." "No." "No, you have to go." "It's much dirtier than it used to be." "I'll never forget you." "(EXHALES)" "I know." "Oh, and, Toliver, before you go, I wanna give you something." "That's not necessary." "Take it." "It's my resume." "Our next guest is senior fashion editor for Blush magazine, and ladies, she is going to show us how to have the perfect lips." "So let's wake up and welcome Miss Nina Van Horn!" "Hello." "Oh, it's so good to meet you." "I love your show." "Arianna?" "Oh, yes." "Thank you for coming." "So you're here to tell us..." "Arianna, Arianna, what was the first thing you noticed about me?" "Your lips?" "Correct." "Let's say you have thin lips, and you want fuller ones, you start out with a much brighter shade of lipstick." "Such as, oh, a red or even a cranberry, take it to the very outer edges of your lips and voila, lips no man can resist." "Holy crap!" "Finch, is my dad here?" "He's in a meeting." "Oh, good." "'Cause John's on his way up." "Oh, should I plug in the spotlight?" "Hey." "Hey." "(MAYA WHOOPING)" "I have thrilling news!" "A benefactor has given me thirty grand to stage A Spy In The House Of Me." "Oh, that's great." "What benefactor?" "I don't even know." "But I get to do my show in Sydney." "Australia?" "Can you believe it?" "Down, please." "But what about us?" "Oh, Maya, I think you need to keep an eye on the bigger picture here." "What about me?" "I'm sorry." "What was I thinking?" "It's okay." "Don't worry about it." "You know, it's like, it's like I say at the end of my second act," ""Sometimes the brightest room in the house of me" ""is the one with a lamp called tomorrow."" "And sometimes you wanna puke in a toilet called yesterday." "(DOOR OPENING)" "Sydney, Australia." "You couldn't find someplace farther away?" "What are you talking about?" "An anonymous benefactor?" "A Spy In The House Of Me?" "Oh, don't play dumb!" "I'm not playing." "I'm legitimately dumb." "Oh, so it must have been a different mysterious theater producer who took a shine to a one man show set entirely inside John's mirror?" "Wait." "Are you saying John's leaving?" "Don't gloat." "I hate it when you gloat." "I, I had nothing to do with it this time." "Really." "Really." "Hey, I believe you." "And you were right, she deserves better." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "By the way, there may be a $30,000 charge on my expense account this month." "Approved." "* Life keeps bringing me back to you" "* Keeps bringing me home" "* It don't matter what I wanna do" "* 'Cause it's got a mind of its own" "* Life keeps bringing me back to you *"