"Previously on "I Am Jazz"..." "The testosterone suppression did you two big favors here, but it didn't do you any favors down below." "He said that I should get a colon vaginoplasty." "They take part of the colon and use that." "The negative is that it smells." "Ew." "I'm going ice skating, but Skylar is making it seem like this is going to be some sort of date." "Well, what do you want to do?" "I think I'm just going to sit down, honestly." "Do you need help?" "Just go and skate." "How'd it go?" "Ugh!" "I just really hate myself!" "(SIGHS)" "JAZZ: 15 years ago, I was assigned male at birth, but inside, I always knew I was a girl." "I have a girl brain and a boy body." "Being transgender hasn't been easy." "This is definitely not, like, a straightforward case." "I don't think you have many options for a vaginoplasty." " I had a great time." " I had a lot of fun." "Have a great night." " Now, it sounds like a date." " It's not a date!" "But it's made me who I am." "JEANETTE:" "So why don't you talk to us and just tell us what happened?" "You don't look happy right now." "You just tired?" "I'm not in a good mood right now." "I don't know what I want, what I want to do, who I like, who I am." "Ugh!" "Okay." "I just really hate myself!" "Yeah." "I don't think that's how you're supposed to come back from a social event." "I'm not surprised that Jazz came home from ice skating and she's not in the best mood because Jazz feels very awkward in social situations." "I know her." "And whenever she says that, it means that she wasn't nice to people." "Go ahead." "Go talk to her." "You're better at talking to a teenage girl than I am." "Yeah." "JEANETTE:" "The reason Jazz has a hard time meeting new people is because she sabotages herself." "People want to meet her." "They want to talk to her, and she just withdraws." "Like, she doesn't let them in." "It's all coming from her." "Jazz?" "Leave me alone." "Well, I need to find out what's bothering you." "I hate myself." "Why?" "I'm selfish." "I just feel like I'm so mean to everyone." "You have your moments where you can be bitchy, but when you do things like that," "I think that's what causes you to be like this." "Am I right?" "I love you so much." "I hate to see you cry like this." "Every time I'm in social settings, like, I see how cool people are, and I'm just, like..." "I don't know." "I just feel bad about myself." "My biggest fear is that she won't learn and accept that, you know, you're not always going to be comfortable." "The world is not going to be always perfect." "This is life." "Like, you're going to be in social situations." "It's something we need to work on and help her get past that." "You're a very brave person." "I know you don't think you are, but you're extremely brave." "So don't even think that about yourself." "Okay?" "I don't hate myself." "I just hate some things about me." "I know I have a lot of problems and imperfections." "Sometimes, I can be rude, say what's on my mind, be a little blunt, and sometimes, that's not right." "But when it comes to my personal issues," "I know how to fix them." "It just comes down to me wanting to fix them." "There's no reason for you to hate yourself ever, okay?" "Don't think nasty things about yourself." "♪♪" "The other day, I saw this guy on the street." "And he was like, "hey." "I haven't seen you in forever."" "I'm like, "we sit next to each other in first period."" "He was just, like..." "He was so embarrassed." "He was, like, "thanks."" "(LAUGHTER)" "I haven't really made any new friends at school." "But outside of school," "I have this really great core group of friends." "And after last night, it feels really good to catch up on homework and just hang out." "So how was that date at the ice skating thing?" "I was not a date!" "Okay?" "You know, he's into art." "I'm into art, and we're both trans." "We had a lot of similarities." "So we got together and went ice skating." " That sounds like a date." " It's not a date!" "It sounds like a double date." "No!" "Well, it's really annoying that my friends are calling this a date because a date is where you go out with someone that you may want to pursue a relationship with." "I do not feel that way about Shane." "Whatever it was, hanging out with your friends." "While I was ice skating, like, I fell and then Shane came by himself." "And it was just me and him, and I was like, "ugh." "This is kind of weird."" "I'm like, "you can go back ice skating."" "(LAUGHTER)" "I felt bad, but I also thought the situation was kind of awkward." "And I don't know." "I wanted to be alone because I was kind of upset." "Can I ask what you were, like, upset about?" "I just don't like social situations in general." "Yeah but, like, the thing is, it is hard to see, like, who a person is if they're constantly, like, in damage control." "Like, you can't fully express yourself because you're not trying to express yourself." "You're trying to make things not awkward." "NOELLE:" "I think Jazz didn't really give Shane a chance because meeting people for the first time is always awkward." "And not giving people chances will impair her ability to make friends or to get a boyfriend or girlfriend or just find any love." "And, sadly, I don't think she recognizes that." "JAZZ:" "Most teenage girls are very boy-crazy." "But I'm really not that boy-crazy." "It's not that I am not attracted to guys because I definitely am." "It's just, I'm not sure how I'm going to fall in love, but I know..." "No, I don't know." "I don't know why I said I know because I don't know." "♪♪" "♪♪" "Look at how nicely they're holding hands." "We don't do that." "Well, you have a cold." "I don't want to get sick." "You're not going to catch a cold from my hands." "Today, we're hanging out with my parents to have wine and cheese." "It's been awhile since I've been able to get the two of them together at the same time." "I want to ask you a favor." "Oh, no." "I was asked to give a talk with a group of people from our generation, the so-called silent generation, about transgender issues." "If I show up and your mother shows up, a few people will show up to listen to us." "But if they know you and Jazz are showing up, we could have a number of people there." "Would you be interested in that?" "Yes." "I'll do it." "I will definitely talk to Jazz." "I'm sure she'll do it." "She wouldn't say no to you." "I think it's so endearing that my father has become an advocate for the transgender community." "This talk was a great opportunity to introduce another generation to what transgender people are and how marvelous they are." "I know that Jazz likes the Q and A." "Like, people ask questions, and she just has the best answers always." "But that makes me the most nervous." "You're worried about them getting nasty and not being able to handle that?" "No." "What if they're like, "why would you do this to your kid?"" "Like, what if they get a little argumentative." "I'm always on alert because there are quite a few hateful people out there, and they can be unpredictable." "Jack and Jacky's generation might be more fixed in their ways." "And I don't think Jazz really likes to be confrontational, so it's a concern." "I can handle anything that my generation can throw at me." "So I want to know what's going on in your life." "Well, we recently saw our very first doctor." "His name is Dr. Reed, and he's local." "He's been practicing a long time." "What does a long time mean?" "Well, I don't know exactly how old he is, but he's..." "He's younger than you!" "Maybe." "That doesn't say much." "Put it this way." "He took out a magnifying glass, and he started reading her file with a magnifying glass." "Oh, come on." "You're kidding me." "No!" "He thinks I'm joking." "It was the truth." "Mission control, we may have a problem." "He felt like, after he examined her, that because her private area was so small, there was really one type of procedure that he would recommend." "He said a colonic vaginoplasty." "What is a colon vaginoplasty?" "I know what the colon is." "Instead of using a penile inversion which they use the penile skin and part of the scrotum, you go in, and you clip a little piece of the colon and use that as the vaginal canal." "Wow." "I guess I'm at La-La Land because I pictured surgery, but I pictured it as, "one, two three." "Ready, set, go."" "Honey, changing a male into a female, under any circumstances has never been," ""one, two, three."" "He did say something about, like, a strange odor for the first few months, which just delighted Jazz." "JACKY:" "I have a funny, little vignette." "As the children were born, Jazz arrived with a lot of boy part there." "Honey, you don't want to put this on national television." "No, but it's part of the thinking process." "Come on." "And she was very well-endowed." "And I remember this." " Is the baby all right?" " It's a boy for sure." "Jazz will never forgive you." "I'm sorry." "But life is so peculiar, just in the irony of all of it." "JACKY:" "This is not so routine." "This frightens me in terms of the complications, the infections, bowel production, all of it." "You're dealing in this area that's ripe for problems." "And what are we going to get left with?" "This is kind of stirring me up, and I'm starting to feel nervous." "You're jumping the gun because we only spent time with one doctor who didn't even know what the hormone blocker name was." "I just want everything to be perfect." "It'll be perfect." "She'll have the most beautiful vagina in the world." "(CHUCKLES)" "I'm confident." "♪♪" "♪♪" "Hola, mis padres." "Hello." "Did you get your homework done?" "Um, no." "Not yet." "What?" "I have a lot." "Yeah, so?" "I'll finish it after I tell you something." "I was looking up information, and I think I want to have a consultation with Dr. McGinn in Pennsylvania." "♪♪" "I want to hear what Dr. McGinn has to say because she's had experience with suppressed youth, and maybe she'll provide other options for someone like me besides the colon vaginoplasty." "Tell me more about her." "Well, I know she has a lot of experience working with individuals who have been suppressed for a long time." "And she's also transgender, so she can relate to what I'm going through." "You think you've done enough homework to be sure that she's definitely one of the doctors that you would strongly consider?" "Yes, for sure." "After Jazz's consultation with Dr. Reed," "I think she's extremely motivated to make sure that she knows everything that is known to mankind about this procedure because whatever procedure she has, you know, that's what she's going to have for the rest of her life." "I'm proud that you went and did your homework on this because you saw somebody and you realized that's not the person for you." "This colon vaginoplasty just seems a lot more risky that the standard vaginoplasty because they're using your intestines, your colon." "It produces mucous and odor." "And I might have this red vagina that's distorted and disfigured." "Like, who wants that?" "Not me." "Let's make it happen." "♪♪" "People always ask about the bathroom." "But you know what to say about that, right?" "I know what to say about it, but I understand" " why people feel that way." " Wait, you understand..." "When you just said you understand why people feel that way, go back." "Why people feel that way?" "This contradicts everything that we've been fighting for." "♪♪" " Hello." " Hey." " Hi, my beauty." " What's up?" " What's up." " Mm, you smell so nice." "JEANETTE:" "Today, Jazz and I are at my parents' house because we agreed to help my Dad with a presentation on transgender issues." "He's going to do most of the talking." "And then Jazz and I are going to answer some questions afterwards." "So, Jazz, I want to get your take on some of the things that I've been thinking about." "My grandpa really embraces the transgender community." "And his support, as well as my grandma's support, just means a lot to me because coming from an older generation, sometimes you could have these fixed ideas and misconceptions." "I've had contact in my generation with people who are uncomfortable around me." "Knowing that we have Jazz..." " Really?" " And what we believe in." "Yeah." "They have backed off." "People of my generation had no experience in dealing with transgender, as I didn't, not even gay." "So we start from ground zero." "And some of our friends have lagged." "JACK:" "Many of them are sympathetic to the issue but they wonder why we are out front." "And we have to explain to them that we personally are not special but Jazz is." "What threatens people about sex and gender and when it doesn't match?" "I think some people think it's sexually perverted." "And anything that's sexually perverted" " just ruffles people's feathers." " " "I'm trying to figure out where the anger comes from." "And I think the anger comes from survival of the species." "They just want us to propagate the right way." "I'm like, "uh." "I think the opposite actually."" "Especially since we can't biologically reproduce, we're controlling the population." "Grandpa sharing his views with a large crowd, it'll be interesting." "People like to ask personal questions." " Okay." " But sometimes people can ask things that aren't so good." " Inappropriate." " Yeah." " That are not kind." " Right. - " "Oh, yeah." "You had a boy born to you." "But Jazz has gender-identity issues." "Does this not make her into a freak?" "I just think I have to be ready for some people saying things that may be a little bit ignorant and may catch me off-guard." "Hopefully, I could express how I feel, and it will change their minds, but I'm hoping that it just won't happen at all." "What questions do you get?" "People always ask about the bathroom." "JACKY:" "The bathroom." "But you know what to say about that, right?" "I know what to say about it, but I understand why people feel that way." "Wait, you understand..." "When you just said you understand why people feel that way, go back." "Why people feel that way?" "Wait, go back to that." "Yeah." "I understand why certain people feel that way because they don't believe in the transgender issues." "They look at you as a boy going into the women's bathroom." "That's why I understand how they feel." "JAZZ:" "States are trying to ban transgender individuals from using the restroom of the gender they identify with." "It's an act of discrimination." "If I had to use the men's restroom, that would be more harmful to my well-being." "So seeing my grandpa mess up on something as simple as the bathroom issue is concerning because that just contradicts everything that we've been fighting for." "I don't look at the bathroom issue because you can be private in a bathroom." "You have stalls." "But there are other problems." "I think showers probably should go along with anatomy." "First of all, in this day and age, the kids aren't showering in the same stall." "Transgender youth have dysphoria." "They don't want people seeing their bodies." "My Dad is not thinking things through because he's 81." "People don't shower together anymore." "I don't want my grandpa to say anything that is harmful because I know that he messes up sometimes." "And if he misrepresents the community, then all of these people will be educated with the wrong information." "♪♪" "(INSECTS CHIRPING)" "♪♪" " Class here." "Classy ladies." " Oh, that's great." "My friends Mya and Noelle wanted to catch up by having lunch." "There's one menu here." "Do you guys just want to share this?" "Having friends who are also transgender and just completely are understanding when it comes to my issues, it's really helpful because they're a great support system." "They're experiencing the same things as me." "Is everything still going well?" "Everything is pretty good." "I have a boyfriend now, actually." "Of course you have a boyfriend." "Look how pretty you are." "Thank you." "Between Skylar and now Mya, I feel like all my friends are pairing off and I'm the odd man out." "And while it may seem like I'm shutting down all the guys I meet, I just know when I'll have that special connection with someone." "NOELLE:" "Does he know you're trans?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "And he's accepting?" "Yeah." "Does he identify as straight, as pansexual, or what?" "He identifies as straight." "I was pretty hesitant to, like, start dating because just because somebody is with me, they're going to be, like, having to deal with" " so much negativity." " Mm-hmm." "And, like, I don't want to change somebody's life for the worse, but..." "If it was really changing it for the worse" "I don't think they'd date you." "Like, you know that he's happy with you." "Yeah." "In this relationship, do you feel more inclined to get the surgery now?" "It's kind of the opposite." "Like, I want it for me, regardless but it is, like, a little bit of less stress because he's expressed that whatever I want to do, whether I have it or not, it's not going to make a difference to him." "That's cool because if you like someone you should be comfortable around them." "You shouldn't have to, like, put on a mask for anything." "So I think that's cool you're not as anxious as you were." "You're getting bottom surgery though, right?" "Yep." "How are you feeling about it all?" "You know, I want an alternative to this colon vaginoplasty." "Oh, so you're not really for that one?" "Pulling my colon out of my stomach, that doesn't sound appealing." "That sound a little intense." "You know, anatomy really isn't my thing." "But I know that the colon is part of the digestive tract, and that the poop goes through it." "And that is not appealing." "What was the doctor's name you were going to ask your parents about?" "Dr. McGinn." "I told them how Dr. McGinn has experience working with suppressed youth." "So my parents agreed to take me to Pennsylvania this weekend for a consultation." "Are you nervous?" "I am I guess a little bit anxious to see what she's going to say." "I've only heard of the upsides of being suppressed." "You don't grow facial hair." "Your voice doesn't deepen." "Your shoulders don't get broader." "But because of her suppression, now she actually faces some difficulty." "This is a big fork in the road for her." "I want to hear other options." "Like, I feel like there's more to it than just a colon vaginoplasty." "It's a little bit scary because obviously I'm hoping that Dr. McGinn is going to say something like," ""of course I could do the standard procedure." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Whatever." "I've done it before for someone suppressed."" "But I'm not sure if that's going to happen." "♪♪" "JEANETTE:" "Grandpa is very, very pumped up." "He has a name for this." "He calls it "transgender 101."" "So I can't believe how much this thing has blown up." "The whole community is coming." "Well, I like doing these things but I'm always worried, especially with an older generation, that's somebody is going to challenge us." "So just be prepared." "People are going to ask you questions." "Some of them might be very far-fetched." "It will be very interesting, to say the least." "I'm a little bit worried about this Q and A because old people sometimes just say whatever is on their mind." "And a lot of times they aren't up to date on what is going on in the world." "So I don't know if they'll have very ignorant or uneducated questions." "And I don't want this to turn into Liberty counsel number two." "I can't imagine how one could transition without the appropriate hormones." "JAZZ:" "Yeah, I disagree with that." "My grandpa always has to be right." "I know you're very stubborn, but you were wrong." "All right." "Let's not talk about this anymore." " Grandpa, I love you." " No." "You can't cut me off in the middle of an argument." "♪♪" "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "♪♪" "So what do you think about how many people are coming?" "I am sort of amazed." "Maybe the public has more interest in this topic than I ever imagined." "I'm very excited about the fact that the crowd is fairly large because I can present my feelings toward what it means to be transgender." "(APPLAUSE)" "Some of the members of the audience may wonder why" "I'm here lecturing on transgender issues." "It's obvious." "I have a transgender granddaughter." "And I'm anxious to talk to you about the things that I learned." "The thing that I want to emphasize to you is that gender identity is not an either/or." "You may not feel entirely like a woman." "You may not entirely feel like a man." "But this is a matter of personality and who you are." "Not only did we get a wonderful transgender grandchild, she's more than transgender." "She's Jazz." "(APPLAUSE)" "JAZZ:" "My grandpa's talk is really sweet." "I think it's absolutely astounding how my grandparents were raised in a completely different time period when transgender people weren't even heard of, and now they're advocates of our community." "Okay." "Now we'll open it up to questions and answers." "My question is directed to Jack and Jacky." "MAN:" "How did you come to terms with this 13 years ago or 14 years ago?" "Was it difficult?" "It's a process." "I'll never forget the day that Jeanette called in tears," ""Mommy, I had to put the twins' clothing away." "I can't fight this anymore."" "There was no choice." "Once Jazz was out and Jeanette and Greg decided to go public with it, we followed suit." "When we experience the 2 and the 3 and the 4-year-old Jazz, little did we know that she's an exceptional person." "Any kind of handicap she would have she can handle very effectively." "JAZZ:" "I can't believe he said that." "I'm just a normal teenage girl and I wouldn't consider myself as having any sort of disability." "I'm a little bit worried because I honestly have no idea what more to expect." "I think one of the major questions that most people have at this point is if you have decided to have the surgery." "And do you think there's any possibility that afterwards you would have any regrets about it?" "I will say that I definitely, 100 percent know that I do want the procedure." "We are currently on the search for the best surgeon possible for me to get this procedure done." "Overall, I'm super-confident about it." "And I don't think I would have any regrets whatsoever." "I mean, I've known I was a girl since right out of the womb, for real." "(LAUGHTER)" "Getting the surgery done is definitely a very personal journey." "And most transgender people don't like to share all of the details but I really want to put it all out there because I feel like people need to be educated." "Hi." "I'm born female, but I really don't feel female." "I'm saving up for some day to get surgery but I'm afraid of the hormone situation." "I'd love to transition maybe without hormones or very little." "But you still want..." "I mean my voice would have to change and I'd have to grow hair to, like, pass." "Is that something I would need?" "I can't imagine how one could go through a transition without the appropriate hormones somewhere along the way." "Yeah." "I disagree with that." "People could do..." "Yeah, no." " No." " No." "You know, this person may not want to have those secondary male characteristics..." "Well, that's what I was just getting into." "As I said, it may be important to you, it may not." "If it's not important to you, don't do it." "Don't listen to my grandpa." "When it comes to being transgender, some people do want to get the surgery, and some people don't want to get the hormones." "They don't really care about secondary male characteristics like a deeper voice, height, Adam's apple." "It's just different for everyone." "Everyone has a different journey." "Remember, gender is a spectrum." "People do what makes them happy, what they want their body to be like." "And they know the appropriate things they want to take and what they don't want to take, so..." "Were you listening to my lecture?" "I did call it a spectrum." "I know." "I know." "(LAUGHTER)" "But then you just contradicted that." "Jazz is extremely precocious, extremely bright, and extremely knowledgeable." "But I'm not certain she understood where I was going." "So if there's any conflict, it's a matter of communication more than what the issues really are." "Ah." "You did great, grandpa." "Oh, thanks." "Except for when you said that one thing." "What thing?" "You were telling that person," ""I don't see how you could transition from..."" " Oh." " "...female to male without taking hormones."" "No." "I know what you meant, but I..." "But listen." "Just listen before you speak." "This is the point I'm just trying to make." "You were kind of saying, like..." "I agree with... they cant be who they are..." " No." "No." " without taking hormones." "I'm talking..." "Transition is the key word." " But you can." " Yeah." "You can." "You can still..." " Yeah, but..." " I know someone, a singer, he identifies as male 100 percent, he hasn't taken any hormones to preserve his voice..." "Yeah, but every..." "Grandpa, I know you're very stubborn, but you were wrong." "You didn't know what I was going to say." "As far as the hormones are concerned, this is good for some people and it may not be good for others." "At first, you were saying something that sounded wrong and I just didn't want you to keep going down that path." "No." "No." "No." "No." "After I said something, then you fixed your error," " and it was fine after that." " No." "You didn't let..." "All right." "Let's not talk about this anymore, Grandpa." " I love you." "Mwah!" " No." "You can't cut me off in the middle of an argument!" "My grandpa is very stubborn and always has to be right." "So it's really hard to have a discussion with him when you are opposing what he's saying because he's really not going to listen." "I can't deal with grandpa when he's like this." "We're on our way heading to Philadelphia for my consultation." "I'm anxious to see if Dr. McGinn will provide some alternatives for someone who is suppressed like me." "We don't have the raw materials we need to make what we're used to." "Oh, no." "Here it comes again." "♪♪" "Super excited." "We're at the airport on our way heading to Philadelphia for my consultation." "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪" "I'm just really excited but I'm also very anxious to see if Dr. McGinn will provide some alternatives for someone who is suppressed like me when it comes to getting the bottom surgery." "We're in Philly, whoo!" "Time to get the big v." "Oh, stop it." "(CHUCKLES)" "♪♪" "WOMAN:" "Dr. McGinn will be with you in just a few minutes." " Thank you." " You like those jeans?" "I... they're fine jeans, but they always..." "You got your cold weather boots?" "They get fuzzies." "You know what I mean?" "JEANETTE:" "Jazz doesn't want to do the colon vaginoplasty that Dr. Reed has suggested." "So I have no idea really what to expect." " Hello." " Hi." "Good morning." "How are you?" "My name is Dr. Christine McGinn." "And I am a board-certified plastic surgeon specializing in transgender medicine and surgery." "The majority of my patients have lived a life where the identify as female." "And they have to wake up in the morning and get dressed and see parts that don't match." "And over a lifetime, that can cause a lot of distress." "The simplified version of this surgery is just to take everything apart into its parts, resize them into female proportions, and then put it back together in female positions." "Sounds easy, right?" " Yeah." " Piece of cake." "It's very important for you to not just focus on the aesthetics of this, but the function of it." "I will say, off the top, that most people who are able to have orgasm easily before surgery can have orgasm after surgery." "An orgasm is like a reflex." "It's like a sneeze." "It either happens or it doesn't happen." "I haven't experienced any sexual sensation." "So when the doctors are saying an orgasm is like a sneeze," "I don't even know what she's talking about because when I sneeze it definitely doesn't feel that great." "(SCOFFS) I don't know." "I haven't experienced it." "I'll let you know when the time comes." "So the other area of interest is the G spot, which is inside." "Basically the prostate in men and the G spot in women is surrounded by erogenous nerve endings." "And that's another place where you can experience orgasm." "So your prostate is more like a G spot." " Okay." " It's your secret weapon." " (LAUGHTER)" " Okay?" "Fun." "This is a very uncomfortable conversation to have." "It's very private." "It's very personal." "If it wasn't because it was important, you know," "I really wouldn't want to be engaging in that conversation." "You've probably noticed since you've started on estrogen, your interest in sex has gone down with the hormones or maybe you just never had one?" "JAZZ:" "It is possible that hormone suppression has affected my libido." "I don't have the same signals coming from my genitalia to my brain and I don't have those hormones driving me on." " Let's move on to risks." " Okay." "DR. MCGINN:" "Post-op depression is very common." "You've had this major life event." "And it's normal to feel a little blue a couple months after." "It doesn't mean you're having regret." "I'm extremely worried about Jazz falling into a depression after the surgery because her depression is always lurking back there and I don't want to poke it." "What we're worried about is, are you mentally stable enough to do what you need to do to recover from surgery?" " Mm-hmm." " We'll need two letters from a therapist who specializes in transgender medicine." "In my opinion therapy is the most important part of all this." "If someone has a temporary depression following surgery and they don't feel like doing their post-operative care it can have lifetime results." "The hard part isn't over after the surgery day." "It's really just beginning." "Jazz doesn't like going to therapy, but she needs it." "So I'm almost relieved knowing that she's going to have to go to two therapists to get her letters to have the surgeries." "Let's just do our exam and then that way we can talk about the surgery intelligently." "I don't know if the parents want to stay here or not." "I'm going to excuse myself." " Okay." " Bye." " Mom can stay with you." " Bye-bye." "I had a dream last night about me having a vagina." "And it was a good dream." "But I think the reason why I had it was because I've just been thinking about this procedure so much." "When it comes to when I'm going to get the procedure done, how I'm going to get it done, who I'm going to get it done with." "So her supprelin is working really well, so... (LAUGHTER)" "She has a very, very small penis." "So my concern is that we're just now getting these children who have been on puberty-delaying hormones and the penis never has a chance to grow." "So when it comes to the surgery, we don't have the raw materials we need to make what we're used to." "Oh, no." "Here it comes again." "I was hoping that she was going to be like, "okay." "I've dealt with this." "You know, it's fine." "I have this option, this option."" "Now I am just worrying because I don't know if there is any procedure that will work on me and lead to really great results." "So what that means is I prefer a standard vaginoplasty for Jazz." "JAZZ:" "Hell yes!" "I have enough material to get the standard vaginoplasty." "It's what I know best and that's what I wanted." "But I would like to do the surgery in two parts." "A major surgery in the beginning and then maybe 2 months later, do a procedure to finish the aesthetic part." "I'm not thrilled that Jazz would have to have a two-part surgery because it would mean longer recovery." "And she's susceptible to depression, so Jazz should not be given too much down time." "Would the results be different in any way?" "What it's going to kind of look like in the beginning is a Barbie doll." "You won't see much." "It'll just be an opening to urinate from." "And then a couple months later, I'll open it up." "And then the clitoris and the labia minora will be more visible for you." "I know what the standard vaginoplasty is but" "I wasn't expecting this two-part procedure." "So I'm kind of feeling a little bit conflicted." "How many times have you done the two-part version of this procedure?" "You're probably only about the fifth person." "Hearing that Dr. McGinn has only worked on five other suppressed youth when it comes to this procedure, it's just a little bit scary." "Another thing we could do is take testosterone cream and put it right on your genitals." "It might be enough to get things to grow without turning into a man in a week or months" " or even a couple months." " Yeah." " Right?" " Yeah." "I'm looking at your face." "She's not..." "See how..." "See that's gender dysphoria right there." "The thought of having anything masculine, like, freaks people out." " Yeah." " Yeah." "For Jazz, her body isn't aligned with her mind." "I think the thought of trying to make it grow is horrifying to her." "JAZZ:" "Who would want one part of their body to grow?" "Especially if you're a girl." "You're wouldn't want your penis to grow." "What girl wants their penis to grow?" "!" "Not this girl, and not any girl." "DR. MCGINN:" "I think it's very useful for patients to hear from other patients and not just hear from me." "If you're going back to the bed and breakfast," "I'm sure you could talk to some other patients, get a little sense of what it's like." "So I've had two consultations with two different doctors who offered contrasting opinions." "And I don't know which one I think is best for me." "Since they contradicted one another" "I've become even more confused." "If only I was born with a vagina." "Yeah." "That would solve that problem." "Amen, sister." "(LAUGHTER)" "♪♪" "Look how pretty these flowers are." "Hey, you don't get to see fall very often." "That was, like, a full day at school." "(SIGHS)" "My parents and I definitely have a lot to discuss after this consultation with Dr. McGinn because we just received a lot of new information." "And it's really important that we sit down and focus on comprehending it all." "JEANETTE:" "What about, like, the cream?" "It just might stimulate things, like growth." "I don't want testosterone in my system, for obvious reasons." "I don't want to see penis development." "That's so..." "Ugh." "Ew." "Sure, I would get those benefits, but I'm not taking that risk." "When it comes to this testosterone cream," "I'm worried about the secondary male characteristics, like a deeper voice, beard, mustache, all those things that I've been trying to avoid." "(SNEEZING)" "She said orgasms are like sneezes." "(LAUGHTER)" "I guess that's the only way to describe it for somebody who hasn't had one." "(LAUGHTER)" "At some point I was, like, I was ready to cover my ears." "I think we're realizing you're kind of undeveloped in terms of libido, right?" "Because you were suppressed so early, I don't know," "I just wonder how you feel about that." "Why do I care if I experience libido?" "Once you have one, you'll be like, "damn." "This is what I've been missing?"" "(CHUCKLES)" "I've thought about sex before." "There's thinking about it and then there's, like, an urgency to want to do it." "When it comes to discussing sexual activity," "I think Jazz is very cerebral about it." "And I think when you start talking about libido, part of me wants Jazz to somehow experience some of a libido." "So I don't know how we get there." "Viagra?" "(LAUGHTER)" "I don't think that's an appropriate course of action." "GREG:" "So how often do you think about it?" "Do I think about having sex?" "Yeah." " Like, once a day." " Do you?" " Yeah." " Okay." "I think other kids think about it, like, all day." "Even a lot of girls I know, they think about it, like, once every hour." "Apparently men think about it once a minute or something like that." "Once a minute?" "(LAUGHTER)" "I'm sure I'll have a libido one day." "I'm in no rush." "Okay." "Good." "Like to hear that." "Bam." "I'm not worried about suppression having long-term effects on my sexual drive because I know that once I fall in love and I really admire another individual that" "I'm going to want to have sex with them." "What do you think was the most unique information that you learned today, that you didn't know before?" "I think the two-part surgery." "I knew nothing about that." "Did you guys?" "I knew that some people had to, but I didn't know why." "But I thought, like, she's done procedures on other people who were suppressed." "I guess they're not as suppressed..." "She has." "Five of them." "But I thought she's done, like, many more than that." " And I don't..." " Five that had your situation." "This two-part surgery definitely throws a wrench into things because there's not tons and tons of kids out there like Jazz." "And, you know, I wish there had been a lot more before her so this would be more routine." "You know, if there's somebody out there that has more experience with the suppressed teens, it might be a way to go." "But I don't know if there is, we're just learning right now." "It's just a lot to think about, you know?" "Okay." "Well, we don't need to make any decision today." "We're just... obviously we're going to do more research." "Why did I have to be so suppressed?" "♪♪" "What was the most painful part?" "When you get done with the surgery, it's going to be a lot of pain." "It's going to be hard to walk." "It's going to be hard to go to the bathroom." "For me, it was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life." "Really?" "!" "♪♪" " Hello." " Hi." "KITA:" "You must be Jazz." "So you guys are Kita and Kayley?" " Yes." " Well..." "Or Kita?" "Oh." "(LAUGHTER)" "I got the wrong... sorry." "JAZZ:" "Dr. McGinn put me in touch with Kayley and Kita, who have completed the bottom surgery." "And it's a great opportunity because this procedure is a huge deal." "And you want to hear what happened to other people before it happens to you." "How are you feeling?" "Especially after this, about where you're leaning?" "Are you sure that you're going to do the surgery, or...?" "I definitely want to do the surgery." "I just don't know the logistics, still." "So what was the most painful part?" "Like, before surgery, after surgery, during surgery, what?" "When you get done with the surgery, it's going to be a lot of pain." "For me, it was the worst pain I have ever felt in me life." " Really?" "!" " It's going to be hard to walk." "It's going to be hard to go to the bathroom." "Everything is going to be supremely difficult." "If I were to give Jazz any advice, it's really just to stay strong." "There are going to be times where she's going to want to give up but if this is something that she wants to do, she's really going to be grateful." "It's just going to be a blip on the radar, and she'll barely even remember it." "The first time you saw it, how was it?" "It was kind of..." "I was so scared to see it." "Really?" "Well, because it's a surgical site, so it's, like, I don't want to look." " You know what I mean?" " Yeah." "Yeah, but see, that doesn't bother me at all." " Yeah." " So, like, "oh, cool."" "I thought it looked like Frankenstein, my franken-vagina." " I did feel like franken..." " Right?" "Franken-vagina." "(LAUGHTER)" "Those are your battle scars." "You know?" "Yeah." "You'll always be like, "look what I did," you know?" "Exactly." "JAZZ:" "I definitely am concerned about the scarring." "I'm hoping that it won't have a major impact on the way my vagina looks because I want something that is beautiful, and it's a part of my body." "If you could choose how a part of your body is going to look like, wouldn't you want it to look pretty good?" "Before I had my surgery, I knew myself, who I am, what I am." "But I still didn't have that confidence because I'd always feel like, "is bulge showing?" "Why are people looking at me?"" "But after my surgery, I had this kind of sense of clarity that enabled me to do so many more things that I normally would have not done." "Like wear leggings." "Yeah." "Yes." " Yes." " Yes." "(LAUGHTER)" "JAZZ:" "Everyday things could become major dysphoria for transgender people." "I mean, I have problems when it comes to peeing in public." "I always think about if my pee pattern sounds different from the female pee pattern because it kind of is, like, more of a trinkle instead of a steady stream." "So I'm always like, "oh, no." "I wonder if anyone notices that I have a male pee pattern."" "Anyway, it's just these little things that really matter and would make it easier if I had the female anatomy." "One thing I was curious about at the consultation was the libido..." " Mm-hmm." " like, how that changes throughout the experience?" "I think it depends on the person, too, because, like, for me, when I started taking hormones, it definitely went, "blah."" "Having experienced a sexual relationship before I transitioned and now one after the transition, it's definitely different." "If you're not having orgasms prior to the surgery, its going to be harder to have them after." "Well, how will I know if it's hard or easy for me if I haven't had the chance to experience it?" "Only one way to find out." "No, girl." "(LAUGHTER)" "Just kidding." "Just kidding." "When you're having an orgasm, it's pretty obvious because, especially if you haven't had one before, like, you can't miss it." "Right." "It's, like, "turn off to the side." "You can't miss it."" ""You can't miss it." Right." "(LAUGHTER)" "Wow." "Yeah, so you'll know." "Trust us." " You will know." " Okay." "JAZZ:" "Who knows what it's going to be like?" "But I definitely feel like sex is a big part of relationships." "And once I have the vagina, I could visualize and feel, sensationalize what it may be like to have sex." "KITA:" "You know, a lot of girls, they think getting a vagina is going to be the fix for a lot of the problems that they're having." "It's like, "oh, my god." "If I just get this sex change, it's going to fix everything."" "And it's not." "When you go through the surgery, yes, physically change, you change." "But as a person, you're still you." "You're still Jazz." "You know, I definitely appreciate all the advice you guys had to offer." "We don't want you to be scared of it." "We want you to go into it educated." "Exactly." "And knowing what you can and can't expect, so..." "Yeah, yeah." "JAZZ:" "Knowing that I am one of the first transgender youths to get a lot of these procedures done is scary because we don't have this history to draw upon." "So I feel like I still need to do more research, but I also know that trying these new things helps people who follow after me." "So I'm willing to pave the way for the future vaginas of America." "(LAUGHS)" "But it is a pretty magical surgery." "I will say that." "Awesome." "♪♪" "JAZZ:" "Next time on "I Am Jazz"..." "We got to start planning out Jazz's birthday." "(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)" " How old are you?" " 16." "(LAUGHTER)" "JEANETTE:" "After having met with Dr. Reed and Dr. McGinn," "I'm more confused than ever." "So we just came from a doctor who was very confident that she could do the penile skin inversion technique." "I was somewhat surprised to hear that someone would offer her penile skin inversion technique." "I don't think she has so many options for this operation." "All right." "JAZZ:" "My Mom is trying to force me into more therapy, and it's really annoying." "You think some random individual who doesn't even know who I am internally will have the answers to my questions?" "No!" "She's going to therapy." "No choice." "That's it."