"The Trial of Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus" "On August 30, 1910, in the Carmel of Lisieux, the diocesan investigative process is concluded, upon the fame of the holiness of Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus and Holy Face." "in the world Thérèse Martin, born in Alençon, on January 2, 1873, to watchmaker Louis Martin and lacemaker Zélie Guérin, his wife." "Sister Thérèse, who entered the Carmel of Lisieux when 15 years old, died in the same monastery when only 24, on September 20, 1897." "During the process started by the Bishop of Bayeux," "Sister Thérèse's doctrine was looked over in her writings, the trustworthiness of her miracles was examined, and, from the testimonies of those who lived with the Servant of God, it was ascertained her heroic practice of virtues and of the Gospel's counsels," "which are the subject of vow." "The acts of the task will be transmitted to the Sacred Congregations of Rites and submitted to the Holy Father's, Pius X's, judgment." "But the Promoter of the Faith, who is commonly called the Devil's advocate for the rigor with which he searches the shadows of the human soul, he reserves to use his faculties once again." "I object." "Not because I disapprove what was done here:" "Thérèse Martin seems worthy to me of the highest altars, where she has already been put by all Christendom." "Rome's decisions will serve to set her image." "An image, I am afraid, that will not be very artistic." "People demand gypsum statuettes painted in blue and gold." "As for me," "I do not despair to see erected in this very place a statue of our warrioress under the more reassuring appearance of a daisy-plucking nun." "But for the tribunal it is not about acknowledging success." "We.." "are judging a saint, that is her holiness." "Sure, Reverend Promoter." "Which elements are lacking, then?" "Let this tribunal graciously recall:" "Sister Anna of Jesus," "Sister Marie Gabrielle of the Conception," "Sister Joachima of the Holy Guardian Angels," "Sister Joan of Mercy and.." "Sister Louise of the Cross." "Do you perhaps doubt of the testimonies given," "I must mention it, under oath?" "God forbid!" "I am only surprised that they were all perfectly unanimous in proclaiming that Thérèse Martin was a saint." "All this, is not in women's nature, who, we all know, rarely extol their kind." "Am I perhaps scandalizing the Reverend Vice-Officer?" "Yet, you are a confessor!" "I do not know at what the Rev. Promoter of the Faith aims!" "Those five nuns.." "and first of all, why those five and not others?" "spoke, as far as I know like all the witnesses, without compulsion in our presence." "Therefore they are beyond suspicion." " Who denies this?" " You do!" "Then I will remind the Rev. Vice-Officer that my task, rather unpleasant, by the way, consists in attempting to understand." "All right, but to understand what?" "It is undeniable that altogether those testimonies prove that the living Sister Thérèse.." "maybe.." "was respected but certainly little loved by her sisters." "Instead.. from the testimonies I saw and heard it appears that almost no one ever doubted she had before her eyes in daily life in common such a wonderful exception." "Of course I included within the number her four blood sisters, all religious, and especially the current prioress of the Carmel," "Rev. Mother Agnes of Jesus." "As for the five carmelites, I named just now, they were among those who did not recognize any halo on the living Thérèse Martin." "This was a sight defect so frequent here that I wonder how it could miraculously and instantly disappear." "There are greater miracles!" "I distrust miracles!" "Of course, not because of the habit I wear, but because of the office that was assigned to me." "Very well!" "However, the tribunal notifies that, on its side, does not deem this second interrogation necessary." "Of which I am even more grateful to the tribunal." "Let the Rev. Notary invite Mother Agnes here." "Very well!" "Mother Agnes has always had good sight." "Doubtlessly she meditated on the strange case of some daughters of hers, religious by vocation, hence future saints by vocation, who did not recognize her holiness when she ate in the same refectory." "I greet your authorities and ask forgiveness for my apron:" "I was helping make jam." "A useful task, which we apologize for interrupting." "Better so." "I like it too much." "A liking, Rev. Mother, that would surprise many men of the world, and, I should add, some priests." "Cloistered orders instil fear simply for being cloistered." "Hiding for the salvation of mankind can be disconcerting." "Yet, if they saw you, they would certainly think that to shut oneself up to pray the Lord is no folly as they deem." "Folly?" "It is word I do not approve." "The Rev. Vice-Officer is very good, but folly does not trouble me at all." "Thérèse was very glad to appear a fool." "And so am I." "Herod said it:" "Jesus was a fool." "Excuse me, in what sense?" "Let's say it frankly:" "willingness to die for mankind is not the sign of a sound mind." "I will now call on the Rev. Promoter." "Mother Agnes, you underwent such a long interrogation that maybe being again before us will seem strange to you." "But I beg you to excuse us." "I begged the tribunal to recall five of your daughters." "Don't you ask me why?" "I don't like to ask questions." "Then, if you allow me, I will ask you some." "Now you are the sister of a saint." "Of a saint.." "for which you acted as a mother." "Who sat on your knees when little." "You perhaps remember her problems as well as her games, but I wish all this may comfort you as it comforts us." "Yes." "It draws us near." "Perhaps her voice resembled yours, didn't it?" "No." "I don't know that." "Nothing is more fleeting than a voice, especially a dear voice." "One hears it no more but in the heart." "But that is how she would listen to God:" "without words." "I like that you see holiness this way:" "so simple!" "Without illusions." "Is that why you were not wrong?" "I could have been wrong." "Others much better than me fell into it." "Divine Love is always love, and it is not easy." "Everybody loves his own way and, of course, thinks that his is the best." "In the beginning, I thought I was right to drive my little one towards austerity." "And so I forced her.." "to carry an iron cross that maybe.." "was to heavy for her shoulders." "Mother Agnes, in your testimony you gave us the image of the Carmel at Sister Thérèse's times." "That is of the prioress of those times, Rev. Mother Marie Gonzague, whose authority, after the example of the great abbesses of old, was capricious, let's say it, disproportionate, but, at same time, full of seductions and unforeseen gestures." "Many times, she would grow angry out of jealousy and it fell to you to placate her and weep for it." "The Carmel at the time seemed to walk on a tightrope, didn't it?" "If the tribunal allows, I wish to speak no more about Mother Marie Gonzague." "She had great qualities of heart." "She died in repentance." "Repentance of what?" "Of having attended so little to Sister Thérèse?" "Of having remained in the cloister Mademoiselle de Virville." "It's already so difficult to free ourselves of our ego, especially for the nobles." "Besides, as Mother Marie Gonzague said," "I am not an expert." "I am from a middle-class family." "Yes, I understand." "It is good that you defend her." "Mother Gonzague's concept of God was so austere that, to obey her, her daughters have lost before the Lord the beautiful virtue that your testimony proves." "Thérèse's liberty with God, while they accepted Divine Love from order and fear." "Am I wrong?" "In truth, my poor daughters fear you as well, Father." "A priest is something great." "Oh sure!" "It could be." "And then, they also fear themselves." "Did they tell you?" "Reverend Promoter, we swore on the Gospel never to speak among us about our testimonies." "But there are silences that cry for help." "I am going to call them." "Mother Agnes, outside they accuse you of having been Thérèse's impresario, if I may say so, of having pushed your sister onto the altars, by publishing her manuscript." "Especially, since you corrected it, Mother Agnes." "Are you laughing?" "Yes." "If you allow me, my lords," "I would return to my little world:" "jam!" "My daughters argue that they cannot skim it without me." "It is a way to show me their affection." "Is this another reason of pride?" "Reverend Promoter!" "What does a saint's sister feel in her heart?" "And a saint who said, "I owe you all"?" "Humility." "No, skimming the jam is not hard." "But Mother Agnes is so happy to do it that I.." "Praised be Jesus Christ!" "Now and forever!" "Sister Anne of Jesus!" "Yes, mother!" "They wait for you in the tribunal." "I already testified!" "Go ahead!" "Go!" "Do not be upset!" "Praised be Jesus Christ!" "Now and forever!" "The tribunal wishes to hear you, daughter." "Again?" "And all these sandals?" "Sister Marie of the Eucharist has been walking barefoot for four days!" "I don't need to read the initials marked on them to recognize them." "Magdalene of the Annunciation wears them on the sides," "Martha of the Trinity scratches them on the point." "Each pair represents many sacrifices and a long path for the good of the souls of those who will neither walk nor suffer." "And I do not forget yours:" "I know that for penance you always choose the ugliest and crookedest." "Let them bring you to the tribunal with a good cheer." "That is what you lack most." "So I promise and swear.." "So I.." " promise.." "promise.. - and swear.." " and swear.." "so help me God and these.." "so help me God.. - and these.." " and these.." "God's Holy Gospels." "God's Holy Gospels." "Calm down, sister!" "Are we so scary?" "Yes!" "Sister Anne of Jesus, known as d'Ospagne." "Why are you known as d'Ospagne." "I'm of unknown parentage." "Ospagne is a little town in the Basque Country." "They took me there as a child." "Sit down." "Do you confirm you freely testified and your answers were not prompted.." "No, my father!" "No?" "Yes!" "And you knew the Servant of God, you read her texts and are aware of her exegesis," "I mean.." "you are aware of her doctrine of spiritual infancy?" "It is true that she often spoke about children:" "she loved them much." "She used to tell us we must remain as children to please God." "I don't know if this is called doctrine." "I apologize." "I've no education." "Why did you enter the Carmel?" "I saw one too many!" "In the farm.." "it wasn't for the blows:" "I'm thick-skinned." "they never gave me a kiss!" "And even when I went into service in the city there wasn't no one who would give me a kiss!" "And so, if I have to be a servant," "I want to be God's servant!" "You were a novice of Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus." "Tell us about her." "Do you prefer I question you?" "Yes." "She did it that way." "And did you answer?" "When I liked to!" "I don't like to talk much!" "I am not a chatterer." "Besides, she frightened me." "Sister Thérèse?" "They all say she was so affable." "Right!" "Maybe she frightened you because she was your superior." "No, what has that to do with it?" "Why, "what has that to do with it?"" "First, the real superior of the novices was Mother Marie of St. Luis Gonzague." "And no way she would have let herself be taken away of her due!" "Who, Mother Marie Gonzague?" "Allow me, Reverend Colleague." "Mother Agnes had officially named Sister Thérèse, but when Mother Marie Gonzague was reelected prioress," "Sister Thérèse maintained the assignment without title." "And who had the title?" " Mother Marie Gonzague!" "What a mess!" "Being in a convent does not exclude being women, Rev. Colleague." "We shouldn't be sorry for it." "Women with high self-esteem are sometimes great saints." "If Mother Marie Gonzague let her lead, it means she respected these truths." "Didn't she?" " She respected her and was jealous of her." "Obviously." "Mother Marie would appoint her one day and after 2 weeks she'd appoint another." "Sister Thérèse had a lot of patience." "But I understood Mother Marie Gonzague:" "she was a lady like the mistresses that I had!" "Sister Thérèse, no." "I didn't understand her." "She would never do any evil." "It shouldn't be so difficult." " Give it a try!" "I apologize." "I meant that in the Carmel it shouldn't be so difficult, Sister Anne of Jesus." "In the Carmel it's like elsewhere." "Besides.." "here there are only women, while I thought I would find only saints." "It was a bad disappointment." "Come, don't be so severe:" "many sisters were thought to be very edifying." "You must excuse me." "I only see as much as I am tall and I've never been very tall." "When I was 12, I stood while milking cows." "I barely reached the udders." "Tell me.." "Sister Anne of Jesus, is it true that one day you insulted Sister Thérèse?" "What?" "You didn't say that in the previous testimonies." "Because they didn't ask me." "But today I'd have said it myself." "Why did you insult her?" "I wanted to see." "To see?" "To see what she'd say." "In those cases my mistresses would pull out such words!" "And Sister Thérèse?" "She looked at me without speaking." "I thought:" "let me see now." "if she tells the wolf, I'll say I won't practice with her anymore" "The wolf?" " Mother Marie Gonzague!" "I used to call her so because she looked like a wolf." "But right at the moment the silence bell rang." "Sister Thérèse put a finger to her mouth and smiled to me." "And the she gave me a kiss." "She was trembling as I was." "I would not have esteemed her, had she not trembled." "Did you love her?" "I don't know." "But I really understood I loved her when they exposed her corpse in the middle of the choir, when I saw her naked feet." "They were so beautiful!" "It looked as if she had always walked in the light." "I hope she'll forgive me for having loved only her feet." "Reverend Promoter of the Faith?" "You may leave." "I believe.." "I believe I didn't say what I should have." "You said what you should have said." "Praised be Jesus Christ!" "Now and forever!" "Sister Marie Gabrielle of the Conception, go down to the tribunal." "I do not urge you to have courage, my dear daughter." "You have relied on Divine Justice of you own free will." "However, since you live in Sister Thérèse's cell, remember that, according to her, Justice is also called Mercy." "Sister Marie Gabrielle of the Conception, born in Nantes," "Loire-Inférieure, you are 50, in the world your name is Amélie Chardin." "Yes, Father." "In your testimony, following your companions' example, you tell your veneration for the exceptional virtues of the Servant of God, whom you observed from the entry into the Carmel till her death." "Are you willing to confirm these statements?" "Yes." "You hesitated." "Why?" "I did not hesitate." "Sister Marie Gabrielle of the Conception, you entered the Carmel when you were 20." "Entering Carmel means aiming at holiness." "I'd like to know how you thought you'd reach yours." "Perhaps I misunderstood the question, but I never had such pride." "I limited myself to fearing God." "God is your father." "I feared my father." "I respected him, but I was never on first-name terms with him." "It wasn't fashionable in my times." "Who was your father?" "A wholesale merchant." "We were ten at home, counting brothers and sisters." "But none of us would have dared to speak to our father without his permission." "Even my mother called him Mr. Chardin." "Tell me, was Thérèse Martin on first-name terms with her father?" "Yes." "And he would call her my little queen." "I heard it in the parlor, one day when Mother Agnes took me to show her to me." "To show you Thérèse?" "What do you mean?" "There were already two Martins at the Carmel." "With Thérèse and then Celine they would have been four." "I was against it." "It was not according to custom." "And I was not wrong." "Mother Marie Gonzague was enthusiastic at first, but then found much to object to." "Before the Servant of God entered the Carmel, did you hear about her?" "Of course: from her sisters." "And besides, they told us they talked much about her in the city." "And what did they say?" "That Thérèse's father was well off, that her five daughters could have married well, especially Thérèse, who was the youngest and prettiest." "They said that her father spoiled her, didn't they?" "When our superior forbade her to enter the Carmel due to her age, she cried." "And then her father took her to Rome to see the Pontiff, and she dared to speak to him!" "Although it is never customary to do that in public audiences." "She was meek, but she was a Norman." "And did Sister Thérèse know you were hostile to her?" "But I was not hostile to her:" "I only wanted the rules to be observed." "Answer my question, sister." "She knew of course, but she never spoke to me about it." "On the contrary, she loved me much." "I myself was surprised." "Yes, it is true, Reverend Promoter." "Here is a passage from Sister Marie Gabrielle's previous testimony:" "Wherever I met her, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus would smile to me." "She had asked to help me in the wardrobe task." "Yet they all knew I was demanding." "During recreation she would take her stool next to mine, so much that her blood sisters would complain that they were being neglected." "I have a gloomy character and she would joke to make me laugh." "She was a happy creature." "Sister Marie Gabrielle of the Conception, you say you noticed with surprise you exercised a keen attraction on Sister Thérèse." "Hence, was is not reciprocal?" "I don't say that, but in community life, there are naturally sympathies and antipathies." "Besides, I would rarely see her." "Because of the difference of age:" "she was a postulant, a novice;" "I was a professed nun." "But after she professed her vows?" "She stayed at the novitiate." "Because she liked it." "Because she liked it." "Here I read that when you came to know Sister Thérèse's writings, you discovered the she thought she was being harshly treated." "Yes, Mother Marie Gonzague treated her roughly." "She mistreated her before the whole community." "Sister Thérèse did not have an easy character." "She would humble herself with silence, when she was unjustly accused." "That was her way of thinking." "Not yours." " No!" "For Sister Thérèse there was nothing but love." "I remember that one night.." "she was already close to the end, she said to me:" "Pray that, even when I'm dead, I may make people love God." "I tell you to accuse myself:" "she scandalized me!" "I realize that Sister Thérèse scandalized you in many occasions." "I cannot deny that." "And if I was wrong, I admit it." "But when we heard you the first time, you said it more quietly." "It may be." "It may also be that my mood was different then." "What does that mean?" "It means that since this process has started, I am very upset." "For me everything has changed shape, everything in what constituted my faith is absurd, even my certitude." "I can ask for help from no one." "Not even from our prioress, for I swore not to tell anybody what concerns these questionings." "Sometimes I am tempted even to desperation." "If this is what you wanted me to admit, I admit it." "Sister Marie Gabrielle of the Conception, I will ask you an important question now." "Think it over." "What was more agreeable to you in the Servant of God?" "Her person or her doctrine?" "Neither." "She was not agreeable to me, but I loved her anyway." "Really?" "Yes." "Because she loved me first." "I am not effusive." "I am happy only in my cell." "Solitude protects me and I am less afraid." "Of whom?" "Of God." "But Sister Thérèse was never afraid of God." "In my opinion she had the pride of thinking she would always be forgiven, whatever she might do." "I thought she did not suffer true tribulations, while I was being tortured." "What made you think so?" "Her smile." "I thought that always smiling was an insult to Divine Justice." "I cannot smile." "And for that I shall be damned." "Sister Marie Gabrielle of the Conception, the Servant of God's love for you was justified." "Thérèse would find God in you, because you are loved by God." "For too long they have oppressed us with the Justice you serve, making It look to us an implacable being." "And we trembled because being fond of It seemed a profanation." "Before that problem, dear sister, you are no exception:" "but the multitude." "We.." "are a cruel world." "And finally, after 20 centuries of history," "Justice resembles us." "Sister Thérèse was sent to us that we may remember we are even now children on the shore of a lake, who tenderly spy into the eyes of a God to know their destiny." "May yours, as ours, not scare you." "Go in peace!" "Who was that Carmelite about whom" "Sister Thérèse says in her Story of a Soul:" "One of the sisters had the skill of being always unpleasant to me." "St. Marie Gabrielle of the Conception." "My soul is weary of my life," "I will let go my speech against myself," "I will speak in the bitterness of my soul." "I will say to God:" "Do not condemn me:" "tell me why thou judgest me so?" "Doth it seem good to thee that thou shouldst calumniate me, and oppress me, the work of thy own hands, and help the counsel of the wicked?" "That thou shouldst inquire after my iniquity, and search after my sin?" "And shouldst know that I have done no wicked thing, whereas there is no man that can deliver out of thy hand?" "No, Sister Joachima." "No fasting today." "I beseech you, Reverend Mother, to grant it me." "I need penance." "That of the tribunal will suffice." "Thou hast granted me life and mercy, and thy visitation hath preserved my spirit." "I should have been as if I had not been, carried from the womb to the grave." "Suffer me, therefore, that I may lament my sorrow a little:" "Before I go and return no more, to a land that is dark and covered with the mist of death:" "A land of misery and darkness, where the shadow of death, and no order, but everlasting horror dwelleth." "For the order, Sister Joachima of the Guardian Angels, professed nun, 34-year-old." "In the world, Orizan Chantal Marie de la Marray born in Marray, Indre-et-Loire." "Yes, father." "Reverend Promoter!" "Sister, your upbringing certainly gave you a greater rigor in judgment than your sisters." "Therefore I am not surprised that you recognized holiness." "But I am surprised that you guessed it so rapidly." "If I said that I recognized it immediately," "I made a mistake." "And I am happy to be reprimanded." "Rethinking about my interrogatories and the answers I gave," "I understood that my judgments were too often hasty." "I am impulsive and unfortunately 14 years of cloister did not change me." "I still have the habit of giving orders and I'm still incapable of taking them." "And why then did you enter here?" "Because I only accept orders from God." "But you know, God.." " Excuse me!" "Reverend Promoter." "Were you among Sister Thérèse's novices?" "From 1895 to 1897." "Hence, till her death." "Yes." "She was also my guardian angel." "What does that mean?" " In the Carmel, the guardian angel is the nun entrusted by the Prioress to lead a postulant's first steps in the usages of the Holy Rule." "My presumption deprived me of the joy of noticing that she was really an angel." "Why do you speak of presumption?" "I can't find other words to describe the attitude with which I followed her into my assigned cell." "Maybe I didn't even notice she was tall with fair face, and more moved than me." "She immediately headed for the window and opened the shutters up." "And she pointed at the railway beyond the bars, in the distance." "Yes, she thought that by night I would be happy to hear that familiar noise." "I thanked her." "Meanwhile, I observed her ruined hands, with deformed joints and the skin corroded by soda." "As a novice, you received her teaching and observed her intimately." "On what did you base your observations since the beginning?" "On unconditional admiration or on respect?" "I immediately respected her.." "But.." "There is no "but"." "It's very simple: she surprised me." "In what?" "Sister Thérèse stood in for Mother Gonzague, but didn't enjoy the honor." "Thus we took many liberties with her." "We considered her our peer." "I thought she was lowering herself." "Did you show it to Sister Thérèse?" "Probably." "A soul like mine must have looked to her sadly comic." "Sometimes I understood it from her kindness." "And how did she teach?" "Very simply." "We were five." "Her sister Céline, her cousin Marie Guérine, two lay sisters, and I." "They called us her little flock." "She would have gladly given her life for each of us." "But one should not think her submissive." "However tender, she would never surrender." "With each of us, she had a way of dealing that seemed improvised on the spot." "It took me a long time to realize that her teaching came from God and He was watching us through her." "I was walking and she would touch the ground with the tips of her toes." "Did you know that Sister Thérèse's vocation was glory?" "Yes." "And when she told me I was about to laugh!" "Then she added:" "But Jesus made me understand in advance that my glory would be to be nothing." "Then I turned my back and left." "Did you return?" "To bother her." "I argued." "I cried she understood nothing of my soul." "That I wanted to die of love." "So do I, she answered, but to die of love, one must first live of love:" "start!" "try to be good for a single day." "I, who wanted to be Teresa of Avila!" "Are you crying?" "Pride is my vice!" "Sister Joachima of the Guardian Angels, when one is young, it's not good to have low ideals for models," "That a Carmelite should invoke for her personal use the holiness of her foundress, it's the least I'd expect from her!" "Moreover, the Servant of God surpassed you even in this: she wanted to be all!" "Warrior, missionary, martyr, apostle." "And she actually was that in the recess of a little Carmel." "Every time I think of her, I pity myself." "Since when did you learn to pity yourself?" "Since when I tried to be good for a single day." "Praised be Jesus Christ!" " Now and forever!" "How is my daughter of the Cross?" "On the cross, Mother!" "It's a royal throne." "You chose it yourself." "I was young." "I didn't know what it was." "We should be careful when we are young." "The Lord takes us at our word." "How do you feel, daughter?" "Soon you'll have to go down to the tribunal." "I feel bad, Reverend Mother!" "I feel bad." "I don't think I'll be able to go." "The doctor!" "Yes." "The doctor." "But remember that you alone will decide." "Sister, you were born in Bresolettes, Orne." "In the world your name is Amelia Morina Celia de la Rue, in the convent, Sister Joan of Mercy, lay sister." "You entered the Carmel when you were 25, and became a novice of Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus." "Please, daughter:" "answer "yes" and not "mm"." "First of all I wish.." "Let it be clear that if we summoned you again for more questioning, it doesn't mean that we have doubts or reproaches against you." "I am certain you told all the truth, without fear." "And, importantly, without reserve." "We'll question you." "Why?" "I said all that I knew." "Reverend Promoter." "Sister Joan of Mercy," "What was your occupation before entering the Carmel?" "I was at my father's farm to do what people do there." "Which is?" "Mum was dead." "I took care the animals, put a saucepan on to cook, and then I worked in the fields." "The Count, the master, used to say I was worth a man." "One day, he took me to the fair." "I caught the head of the Turk and took away a couple of hens!" "After that you became a Carmelite, true?" "Why not?" "The Lord needs also Marthas, not just Marys." "Right." "Tell me," "What do you think of Sister Thérèse?" "That depends." "Dead or alive?" "Isn't it the same?" "Not at all!" "Standing or lying, the price changes!" "I'm not smarter than the others!" "When she was alive, I couldn't understand a thing!" "I have here your previous testimony." "You sustained that the Servant of God was a saint." "Of course, I said that after she had died." "As all did." "What does "As all did" mean?" "You want us to believe they were all blind like you?" "What do I know?" "It is true that, beside two or three, the others only saw a big fire." "Why?" "Because she didn't look at all like a saint!" "A saint, in the books, is like miracles, visions, the Devil and God speaking behind a cloud." "Sister Thérèse was Sister Thérèse and that was it." "She ate, washed, prayed like us." "Moreover, she was a countrywoman of mine." "Indeed." "Moreover, if memory does not fail me, you carried your conviction till the end." "Yes!" "It was you who said:" "when Sister Thérèse was nearing her end, you, in kitchen, wondered aloud what the prioress would have said after her death, since, no matter how pretty she was, she did really nothing worth retelling." "True?" "I could not have guessed she would hear me from her cell!" "Yet she had sharp hearing and I should have guessed." "You perceived nothing of her holiness:" "she was only pretty." "Yes!" "Perhaps this is what holiness is." "Sister Joan of Mercy, what's your present occupation?" "The same." "I'm in the kitchen and in the shoe-workshop." "Places of trust and observation." "Since you've been here, if I understood well, you must have learned about this monastery more than all the sisters in choir." "Thanks be to God, I have a good sight." "As I said." "For example, in the shoe-workshop, some nuns, setting merits aside, may abandon themselves to some natural fits," "to making comments more or less just on the workmanship." "Am I wrong perhaps?" " Not this." "However, there are some who are never content and sigh like a Mater dolorosa." "But not Sister Thérèse?" "For her it was happiness." "She would appear before me in that old tunic of coarse gray cloth." "The oldest of all, ugliest and most patched up!" "It came up her back as if she had been hunch-backed." "So the sandals were more visible and there was no end in fixing them!" "Another one would not have worn them." "Go figure!" "When she died, Mother Agnes asked me for them as a memento." "And me: you don't want to save these filthy things?" "And I burned them." "Maybe I was wrong in burning them." "What did they say about her in the kitchen?" "Kitchens are important even at the Carmel." "The Reverend Officer is right." "We see a lot of whiners!" "One doesn't like sweet, one doesn't like salt, one complains because it's overcooked, another doesn't want leftovers." "Instead everything was fine with Sister Thérèse." "She never rejected anything." "And we took some advantages, of course." "We thought: nobody wants this." "Let's give it to Sister Thérèse!" "And every week we would put in her bowl omelet leftovers and reheated herrings." "It was not out of malice." "It's a fact that more than one of us didn't like her." "But we must not throw away anything, for it is a sin against poverty!" "That's right!" "But for this and many other things," "Sister Thérèse suffered atrociously." "What do you say of that, Sister Joan of Mercy?" "I say that one does not come to the Carmel to live in comfort." "Whoever enters, does it for tribulation." "Well!" "Beside, who would have guessed she suffered?" "She never complained!" "It was up to Mother Gonzague to notice." "But she didn't care." "Yes, I know." "These are very ugly things, and they look incredible." "But it's the plain truth." "I saw that she was getting thinner under that big tunic, in the winter her hands had chilblains and she was always coughing." "Yet for the hands, they gave her expensive medicines." "Here are the prescriptions." "Potions, creosote, camphor water frictions, and even rhubarb." "Mother Gonzague used to cry." "She seemed very worried for her condition." "She forced her to sit during the functions, and during recreation she always had her protected from air drafts." "Moreover, Mother Gonzague allowed her three blood sisters to assist her, which is uncommon." "There is good and bad in everybody, we know." "However, six month before dying, she would still go to the chapel by night, clean glass windows and sweep the floor." "I saw her in the mid of December going to the fountain with her shoulders covered with nettles." "In the end it was a big nuisance for all." "When she passed by us, I'd tell her:" "come and warm yourself awhile, Sister Thérèse!" "She'd smile and shake her head." "She'd do her job and I mine." "Did you ever say to yourself:" "she is a saint!" "No, actually." "Or, yes!" "Once I stood agape." "In what occasion?" "Once I entered her cell." "She looked a little strange and her eyes were filled with tears." "What's the matter, Sister Thérèse?" "Said I." "And she:" "I think that God is not loved." "Oh, no." "He is not loved." "And He's so good!" "I'd like to die!" "I was astonished." "I recovered and said, just to say something," "Come, come, Sister Thérèse!" "You'll see that one day, when you are dead, we'll kneel before you and say:" "Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus, pray for us!" "Then I laughed aloud!" "And she?" "She laughed as well." "Be attentive, Sister Joan of Mercy!" "You admit you understood nothing of the holiness of the Servant of God." "Yet, you testified under oath you had been touched by her." "In what occasion?" "I think it was when I saw her dying." "Tuberculosis had overtaken her." "At six, the Angelus rang." "She whispered:" "Mother, will death be long?" "The Prioress answered God might allow her agony to continue for a few more hours." "Yes, more!" "I wouldn't suffer less." "She looked at the Crucifix." "I love Him!" "My God, I love Thee." "At the instant, she rose from her bed." "Beautiful as before and all fair." "She looked above, before her, for as long as a Credo lasts." "I couldn't contain myself." "I went before her and drew a candle before her eyes, to understand what she was seeing." "But she kept looking beyond." "The she died." "You may leave, Sister Joan of Mercy." "Most reverend members of the Tribunal, forgive me for coming uncalled." "But I have to deliver a message." "What's the matter, Reverend Mother?" "Reverend Officer," "Sister Louise of the Cross won't be able to testify." "Her condition has suddenly turned for the worse." "Did a physician come?" "What does he say?" "That we shouldn't force anything on her." "We might provoke a crisis." "Beside, I am not used to force." "Reverend Promoter, given this abstention," "I think we may consider the case concluded." "I am sorry." "Sister Louise of the Cross's testimony is essential for the conclusion of the process." "Essential?" "From what points of view?" "From a point of view which the witnesses we heard so far did not consider." "Reverend Mother, I beg your pardon." "I was a coward." "How do you feel, daughter?" "Sister Louise of the Cross, do you really wish to testify?" "Yes." "Without reservation, without fear?" "Reverend Mother, don't leave!" "Stay, Reverend Mother." "Sister, the Tribunal thanks you for your courage, but it's resolved not to abuse it." "In your previous testimony, you said you were the only daughter of a banker, and that you received, for the times, a pretty liberal education." "You frankly explained that the pleasures of the world and its temptations were not indifferent to you." "In those times the thought of God was not present in you." "You cruelly mocked devout people, and especially those you contemptuously called "The pious women."" "Your conversion was caused from a sudden disgust which sprang in you for the uselessness of everyday life." "Thus, as soon as you came of age and against you father's will, you entered the Carmel." "For the Carmel, as you said, allowed better than any other order to try the Lord's great adventure." "My daughter of the Cross is a strong soul." "A strong soul?" "Reverend Mother, I am trembling." "But you are here." "Why are you trembling?" "I wouldn't believe, Sister, that during your testimony, in some way, you obfuscated the truth." "Especially since you were under oath." "Speak louder:" "I can't hear you." "I say yes." "This statement of yours is grave." "I command you to explain." "It was not only because I am sick," "I didn't want to come to testify again." "Why?" "I am an evil nun." "I accuse myself before the Tribunal, to have misjudged Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus," "and to have not dared to admit it." "Calm down, Sister!" "We are all prone to error." "But I thought myself incapable of error." "I entered the Carmel alight with faith." "I wanted to become a saint of the faith." "Hence, it is about faith that you misjudged Sister Thérèse?" "Yes." "In what way?" "I didn't understand her." "Her "little prodigy" reputation irked me." "A 15-year-old prodigy, to whom I taught to use a broom somehow, and to read Saint Teresa of Avila's works." "On a festive day, when we could exchange visits in our cells, she came to me." "You were there too, Reverend Mother." "And.." "And?" "I remember I was arguing about faith." "It was a habit of mine." "I said that I despised the unbelievers, that there is no forgiveness for them." "You, Reverend Mother, were silent." "It was Sister Thérèse who spoke." "What did she say?" "What did she say?" "She said:" "I am seated at the table of those who do not believe." "I doubt about eternity." "Death will not give me the God I hope for, but an even deeper night." "The night of nothingness," "The she added:" "However, this year I've said more Acts of Faith than in my whole life." "Sister Louise of the Cross, what did you answer to that soul?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "She disgusted me." "I thought she was in a pitiful state." "She understood." "And she surely thought she had humbled herself in vain." "Didn't you notice in Sister Thérèse some proof of that amazing admission?" "Sadness, discouragement?" "Never!" "She suffered the martyrdom of doubt as those of the body and of the spirit:" "without any outer evidence." "And all this, Reverend Promoter, in the last 18 months of her life." "A surprising and unheard of way!" "While she doubled her love and even her happiness!" "Is it right?" "Yes." "According to her companions, she had little merits." "God treated her like a child." "Actually, one of them at the infirmary told her that because of that she was little loved and esteemed in the community." "I.." "was one of them." "Did her death open your eyes?" "No." "I cried, as all the sisters did, when she asked our forgiveness." "But her virtue did not upset me." "For me, all that heroism was only a facade." "Some flattery." "I didn't understand the difference between thinking our faith" "and feeling it." "Mea culpa." "May I ask the Tribunal if they still have questions?" "I invoke your compassion for this poor daughter of mine." "One last question." "Sister Louise of the Cross, tell me before God, who is listening to us:" "why do you believe that Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus is a saint?" "And why do you believe it now?" "Because now I've lost my faith." "And yet I believe, through her intercession." "I'm finished." "You may leave," "Sister Louise of the Cross." "Mother Agnes," "I know of a priest who, after learning that Sister Thérèse had said on her deathbed:" "I feel that my mission begins now." "My mission of making God be loved as I love Him." "I want to spend my life in Heaven and do good on Earth." "I'll make a shower of roses fall down and won't take rest till there will be souls to be saved." "But when the angel will say, "There is no more time,"" "then I'll rest, for the number of the elect will be completed." "That priest, Reverend Mother, thought that those words were of the most prideful girl that ever was born." "Or maybe the words of a prophet." "It took 13 years for that priest, beside the novitiate of humility and abandonment, to understand that those words were really of a prophet." "That priest.." "is me." "Pray for me."