" Good." "Are you on?" " Yeah, we're ready." "Fucked-up thing you'll ever see." "We call this the "Bull's Eye."" "Oh, yeah." "Don't try this at home." "You're good?" "You ready, buddy?" "All right." "Right, ready?" "One... two... three!" "Tell me we got it." "Just" "Look at that!" "Look at that!" "Dude." "Bull's eye, bro!" "We're putting it on YouTube!" "Let's go!" "Yeah!" "Dude, we got a view!" "Yeah, buddy, that was us when we uploaded it." "Well, then upload it again so we can have two views." "I-I don't think that's how it works." " Hit "refresh," dude." " Oh, yeah." "Let's see if it pulls up." "No way." "Twenty-five thousand views, man!" "Five hundred thousand!" " One million?" "Yes!" " You're too money!" "April fools, suckers!" "...You--You little shit!" "Working on my science project." "Enjoy your page views." "God, he's such a little spaz!" "We steal his computer and load it full of viruses." "hy do you think my computer's so slow?" "It's full of 'em." "I don't know." "A challenge." "Jus--Follow my lead." " Baxter!" "Baxter, my man!" " What?" "Uh, me and J.J., we have this computer problem." "There's this movie on the Internet and we can't find it." "You're trying to get back at me for that prank, right?" "We need to find it, uh, before the FBI takes it down." "It has been banned by every country in the world." "Amsterdam is not a country!" "Yeah." "Think about it." "They--It's- It's like it's the-the-the fucking..." " It is." " What's it called?" "It was an April Fool's prank." "Wait." "What's so bad about it?" " It can kill you." " How?" "Because... if you can watch it all the way through from the beginning to end, you're rewarded beyond your wildest dreams." "With money." "And sex." "And women." "It's like that movie The Ring, but with a good ending." " Yeah." "And boobs." " Lots of boobs." "So what's this movie called?" "Movie." " Forty-three." " Movie forty-three." "It's not on Zwoogle." "Yeah, of course it's not on Zwoogle." "It's banned!" "Visit some dark corners of the Internet." "Yeah, get in there." "We gotta find this thing." "The CIA, and Mom." "Look at this." "Check it out." "Hey." "Ooh!" "You look good." "Like, twenty-eight." "So all he cares about is his career and money." "He's on the board of the New York Philharmonic" "He's opening a new restaurant with Derek Jeter!" "That sort of really has to grow on you, right?" "Mr. "Character Face"' is on the cover of Gotham Magazine." " That's him?" " That's him." "Yeah." "Bye!" " No!" "Come on!" " No, it's true." "Hey, Mr. H. Table's ready, sir." "Great." " I'll take those." " Thank you." "Thank you." "After you." "So, um, Carrie tells me you design clothes for kids." "No?" "Yes." "Clothes for kids." "I design..." "So, if I see some kids looking weird this summer, it may be your fault, huh?" "I'm just joking." "I'm just joking." "Am I that predictable, Abby?" "No." "No, I c-I could, use it." "Thank you." "So, here's to a, Here's to a wonderful evening." "Cheers." "Cheers." "Those Russians know something." "This is... a nice place." "Oh, it's great." "This pl-- Oh, you gotta check out the ceiling." "I mean, look." "It's all oak." "Isn't that something?" "It's gorgeous, huh?" "Lobster okay tonight?" "un-unless you wanna check out the menu." " No, that's sounds lovely." " Right." "Please thank the chef." "Thank you." "Bon Appétit." "Oh, you've, got something on your..." "Something on my neck?" "Leave it to me to embarrass myself on a first date." "Here" "Uh, left side." "Of-- Dribbly bit." "O" "As a kid, I used to get made fun of all the time." "Actually took probably nine years of speech therapy to get rid of it." "So, was there anything else they..." "may have made fun of?" " You know." " Oh, thank God!" " What's up?" " I thought I was going crazy." "I" "What?" "It's just, what is the story there?" "See, it's, it's just a scar." "Right?" "I mean, kids could be mean." "They used to call me Frankenstein." "They're like, "He's alive." "He's alive!"" "Well, I don't care, you know." "Kids make fun of everything, right?" "Is it just me or did it suddenly get a little chilly in here?" "I think it may be that vent there." "I think that, that vent's blowing right on--Not a problem." "Oh, God!" "Are you-Are you okay?" "It's my stomach." "There's" "Just get my breath back, you know." "Hey!" "Angie!" "Ray!" "Apparently not as good as you." "Come on." "Come on, Ray." "Nice work!" "You caught the big one!" "Did I?" " Look how big little Evan's getting!" " Yeah." "Little?" "Yeah." "He's growing like crazy." " No." " Who's a big boy?" "Who's a big boy, huh?" "Okay." "You're off to bed." "There you go." "I got it." "Thanks, buddy." "Thanks bud." "Really?" " I'm sorry about this." " Get in close." "Beth, I'm gonna need you to hold still." "Take it." "Take it." "Take it, take it, take it, take it." " So good!" " How's that?" "We don't need..." "The fuck, man!" "Keep looking." "Let's try the forty-second one." "Yeah, yeah, good idea." "Boobs." "Pornography with viruses." "Yeah, Baxter, you're going down." "Keep looking." "That he gets the best education possible." "Wait." "He--So you homeschool your son but he still gets homework?" "A normal and complete high school experience." "When are you gonna get that through your thick skull, Mr. Morris?" "It's Miller." "That's a detention." "Come on, girlfriend, pick your knees up!" "Emotionally scarring experiences that he'd get at a regular school." "Fag!" "Faggot!" "You dropped your books, fuckface!" "Jesus!" "Dad, what the fuck!" "Whoa." "You've got weird pubes." "Hey, guys!" "Come check out this kid's weird pubes!" "That provides Kevin with every important adolescent experience." "You know, socializing with other kids " "Hey." "Kevin, right?" "Can I please come in?" "The girl you asked out before." "It's gonna be awkward." "Mom." "Mom, please no, wait." "Mom, just--If I" "Extracurricular activities." "What do you do?" "I suck." "What do you suck?" "Dude." "You have so much poop on you right now." "That should be the most awkward moment in any boy's life." "Emily and Kara said we should go all the way." "What do you think?" "Um, do you have protection?" "So, dude." "Don't tell Jeff or any of those guys, but..." "I just wanted to say that... if I did like guys... you'd totally be the kind of guy that I'd like." "This is weird." "I didn't mean any of that." "Just talking, you know?" " He was only twelve." " Precocious kid." "I bet." "Here he comes." " Nice to meet you, too." " Thank you." "That's so polite." "That's" "Ooh, The Green." "Oh, that's fine." "Just make sure you say hello from us." "Jen, my mom says hi." "Hello, Jen." "Hello, Mrs. Miller." "I'm the pretty girl." "She is." " You guys have fun tonight.- All right." "So." "Who wants cake?" "Creepy." "Let's move on." "Keep searching, dude." "Now it's a picnic." "Oh my gosh, sweetie." "Talk about romantic." "Sixteen months and two weeks." "And in that time, I've come to realize that you mean everything to me." "Oh, Doug." "You, too." "There's something I'd like to ask you." "No, you first." "How about we say it at the same time?" "Okay." " One, two..." " One, two." "Will you poop on me?" " What?" " Will you poop on me?" "What?" "What are you" "To poop..." "On me." "What?" "So will you?" "Poop on me?" "Ah, man." "You just hit the fucking lottery, man." "Slow down, man." "Have some respect for this guy, okay?" "Pooping is a gift you give to your soul mate." "I don't--I don't know." "Does it fucking matter?" "I'm doing seared ahi tuna steaks, a salad, and red wine." "It's not about how fancy it goes in." "It's about how fancy it comes out." "You don't want your bowels all locked down, do you?" "No." "Lookit." "Take my advice on this one." "Fuckin' tomorrow, you are a one-poop man." "Understand?" "Viagra, brother." "Poop Viagra." "Yeah." " Okay, yeah." " Okay?" "Fine, then." " I'm ready, sweetie." " Oh, fuck." "One second." "I love her." "Hey, I love her." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Honey." "What are you doing?" "Not yet, tiger." "I wanna savor this." "Oh, okay." "Well, I kinda-I kinda got to, uh" "No, no, no, no." "Come here." "Come here and kiss me, and then you can give me your special present." "Can we do this, please?" " I bought this special lavender lotion." " Okay." "It's fine, it's fine." "Here we go." "Okay, okay." "There we go." "Let's get it and..." " No." "No." "Not yet." " What?" " No." "Come here." " What?" " You're so excited." " I know." "I can't stand it." "Yes." "Did you ever think that someday you'd be able to..." "Do you remember what I was wearing that day?" "Come on!" "Roll over and let me shit on you, please!" "I would never shit on you." "Honey?" "Come here." "I love you!" "Fuck!" "Oh, I can't." "Julie!" "Come back!" "Oh, baby, please!" "I love you!" "I want you to marry you!" "Oh, my God!" "Doug, no!" "Oh, jeez!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Hold on." "Hold on, baby, okay?" "Hold on." "You're gonna make it." "Oh, Julie, I love you." "I love you." "All of this was for me?" "Yeah, I guess so." "Oh, yeah?" "It's so beautiful." "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." "Yes..." "I will marry you." "I will marry you, Doug." "CougarCrate." "Perfect." "Look at you." "You are nice." "I like that peace sign." "Just warming' up--What?" "He's off the fuckin' grid." "Everything..." "divided by nine..." "Can you tell me anything more about this video?" "Where'd you hear about it?" "St-Stevie Schraeder." "Stevie Schraeder." "Stevie." "Got it!" "It's time to bring out the big guns." "Only fifty humans have access." "Twelve are heads of state." "I hacked into the mainframe of the Bundesnachrichtendienst." "It's the German intelligence bureau." ""Bureau"?" "It's not a word." "Attention P-Town shoppers:" "Be sure to check out our insert in Sassy Lass magazine... for killer deals on the Dr. Cole family of products." "on lambskin condoms and boxed wine." "Got a dry, itchy vag?" "Today, we are offering a two-for-one deal on Beave Lotion." "Now on sale on aisle four." "Be sure to check out" "Neil." "Veronica." "Neil." "You take it back!" "Take that back!" "I want to taste you." "I want to lick you till you weep." " How's your acid reflux?" " How's your HPV?" " Chicken." " Egg." "Your flesh... slick with cocoa butter..." "It haunts me." "He was a wizard, Neil." "Shh." "I wanna be on you." "In you." "all... over your chin." "Do you still like créme brûlée?" "You know the answer is yes." "Veronica." " Neil." " Veronica." "I wanna give you a hickey on your vagina." "You already have, Neil." "You already have." "I'll see you in church." "Not if I see you f" "May I?" "I'm no Romeo, folks, but I know what love is." "Yes, sir!" "Take that sweet ass to pound town?" " I'll take it till three." " I got three to five!" "Thank you." "Don't be a bitch about it." "Go get her, son!" "What's that?" "It's not as exciting as you might think." "It's-It's..." " Oh, no." " Robin!" "Hey, Robin." "Where ya been?" "Hi, how ya doing." "You missed your meeting with your parole officer." " What?" " You're married?" "Ah, this sucks." "Hi." "No, I--I know." "I've-I've" "Sorry again." " He's been stalking me ever since." " Really?" "Last night, I look out my bedroom window," "Uh, his jizz is like a shotgun blast!" "You know that shiny stuff in his hair?" "It's not hair gel." " Lois!" "Oh, my God!" " Oh, no!" " You do?" " Hey, how's Superman?" "To fuse your balls into one big ridiculous uniball." "I'm not here to hit on your girlfriend." "That's crazy!" "As long as I'm balls-deep in Lois, I'm solid gold." "Stay away from Lois, bitch!" "Goddammit!" "That's his thing!" "You know, what are you gonna do." "Kids." "And, nice legs." "So unfair!" "I hate it!" "Now, let's boogie." "We gotta go find that bomb." " But I, you know, I'm gonna do it." " Please don't." "Hi." "Sorry, sorry I'm late." "There's a line in the bathroom." " My name" " I'm Robin." "Hi, I'm Robin." " So, where you from?" " I--Um, Krypton." "Yeah, I can hear him." "I can also see Batman underneath the table." "No, I can just see him." "It's a cafe table." "I mean, it's really obvious." " Hi." " Hi." "Ah, dude." "I'm so sorry about your family dying and..." "Oh, man!" "That took me back to the seventies, huh?" "Do you need any--Can I help?" "Oh, it's hard to pick up with gloves." "There ya go." "You son of a bitch!" "Where's the bomb, you fat fucker?" " Hey!" "Asshole!" " Oh, shit." "Take it easy!" "That's the Penguin." "That's what I do." "You said that you were gonna call me." "Wait a minute." "Did I not?" "I know I dialed a number--Did I not hit "send"?" "You said that you were gonna stick by me no matter what happened." "Do you know what it's like going to Planned Parenthood by yourself, when you're Wonder Woman?" "Roe v. Wade here at a speed dating situation." "Attention, Gotham City speed daters:" "Some of you should remember I'm happily married." "Or else I'm going to blow up Supergirl with this bomb." " Cool it." " No, you cool it." "Disarm!" "Yes!" " Are you okay?" " I think so." "You saved my life!" "Just-Just doing my job." "Kiss." "Kiss her." "Open her mouth and touch tongues." "And that'll coax her tongue to go into your mouth!" "Yeah!" "You, uh, squeeze her boobies." "Yeah, and touch her butt." " Doesn't that look nice?" " It looks so nice." "Oh, yeah." "Hold on!" "Not so fast!" " Riddler!" " Riddler!" "That is right!" "The Riddler!" "Or lizards or some fucking bullshit!" "Him." "This." "I guess I woke up this morning with a little case of the fuck-arounds." "You know I'm just having fun." "My buddy!" "Woo!" "Remember this?" "Ugly isn't it?" "But think how they feel." "Working without thanks to make your life better." "Lonely, unloved, hurt." "Physical, verbal, emotional abuse... to get what we want done." "Can't you see they're doing their best?" "They're just trying to find a little place in your hearts." "Remember, machines, they're full of kids." "Dude, click the button." "Do not click the button." " Who the fuck are you?" " I am the Minotaur." "Movie 43?" "Movie 43?" "Are you prepared to have your brains butchered into tiny pieces?" "Are you prepared to have a starving rat nibble out your eyeballs," "Dude, calm down." "I think you're- I think you're just confused." "We're-we're talking about Movie 43." "You've never heard of that." "Oh, yeah." "She's here." "I think we have a connection." "This guy's for real." "He's protected by firewalls I've never even seen." "Do not click the button." "Do not click the" "Suck it!" "Tyler De Soto." "Fifteen." "Port St. Lucie, Florida." "He only lost a finger." "It's horrific." "Brian?" "The iBabe has an advanced 3.2 gigahertz processor." "Super powerful micro-fan in the opening." "Are sticking their you-know-what in the vent." "Kids are sticking their penises in the vent." "The fan then mangles their penises." "Yes, it also looks and feels exactly like a naked woman." "Teenage boys are physically attracted to naked women." "Our research doesn't support that, sir." "Look, at the very least, we need to put a warning sticker on the box." "Other MP3 players don't have a warning not to have sex with it." "Right?" "A bag of potato chips doesn't have a warning," """Please don't fuck these potato chips. "" "Am I crazy here?" "None of us could have seen this one coming." "Take it easy, Erin Brockovich." "Dave?" "Also, we've broken down our problem into three steps." "Step 1 :" "Kid buys iBabe." "Step 2 :" "Kid fucks iBabe." "Step 3 :" "Kid mangles dick and sues iBabe." "Our goal is to eliminate step two and step three." "Now I know what the problem is." "Why don't we just move the fan?" "Why don't we just put it in her ear?" "No." "No, no, no, no, no, sir." "Our stock is plummeting and kids' dicks are getting horribly mangled!" "Uh, come in, come in, come in." "Oh, my God." "And how about that elegant finish." "Just gorgeous." "Gorgeous, gorgeous!" "Finally we can give our customers a choice of color." "Oh, my God." "Just when I thought it couldn't get more offensive." "Oh, for Christ's sake." "Yeah." "Now I understand." "Enough!" "Enough!" "Just stop looking for Movie 43." "Hey!" "Who are you?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "Get away from me!" "Get off me!" "No!" "The fuck, man!" "He will unleash the dead up in protocol!" "Did Stevie Schraeder tell you any of this?" "Who is this Stevie Schraeder?" "Who is Stevie Schraeder?" "He's a kid in my fucking Driver's Ed class!" "What the fuck, man!" "Keep looking!" " I'm looking!" " Don't look!" "I'm, uh, RSVP-ing to Sammy's Bar Mitzvah." "Yeah, me too." "The party, not the service." "My mom always makes me go to both." "Sucks." "Yeah." "Yeah!" "Nathan on a date for once!" "Jesus, Mikey, shut up!" "What?" "Mom told me to watch you guys." "I'm just doing my job." "I mean it, Mikey." "Leave!" "I'm watching you." "Sorry, my brother's an idiot." "Whatever." " You have a bathroom?" " Totally." "It's right back there." " Yuck!" " Nathan?" "I, I, um--I need to go." "But you're not getting picked up for another half hour." "Wanna sit and watch some more TV?" "Yeah." "I'll-I'll just--I'll just watch it from back here." "That's cool." "I like standing." "Whoa!" "Mikey spilled fruit punch on the wall, too!" " Oh, my God!" " Oh, my God!" " You idiot!" "She's having her period!" " Oh, my God!" "What do I do?" "Mikey, she's already lost a lot of blood!" "No, no, no, no!" "You can't walk home in your condition, silly!" "There's just plastic bags!" "I don't know what the fuck you want me to do!" "Dad, help us!" "Pardon me, I'm Nathan's father, Steve." "All right, what's going on here?" "No!" "Oh, no!" "Nathan, Nathan, listen!" "Why are you laughing at me?" "It's just--It's-- The-The lining of Amanda's... internal organs just spilling out of her." "Oh, my God!" "I got frozen peas and a sponge!" " A what?" " You know what?" "I got a perfect thing." "Oh, my God!" "I wanna kill myself!" "Hello!" "Hey, baby, you ready?" "Oh, my God!" "Honey!" "On my daughter's pants?" "Oh, I don't gotta watch anything, Jack!" " Yeah?" " Yeah!" " Let's go, bitch!" " Let's go!" "Sucker punch him!" "Sucker punch him in the throat!" "Everybody shut up!" "And it really sucks that it had to be in front of all you idiots." "Dad, call Mom and tell her to meet us at home." "She's got her period?" "So disgusting." "You don't have a camping tarp I could borrow, do you?" "Sorry about all that." "Hey, honey, don't sit in the car!" "Vagina is way too complicated!" "Yeah, no shit." "Really?" "Dad, that was epic!" "I've been trying to push that puppy out since this morning's conference call." " Yeah." " Yes!" "Oh, nice!" "Come on, come on, come on, come on." "Look who we found." "J.J.?" " Cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger" " What!" "And we need to find it or else your stupid friend dies!" " Unless..." " Unless what?" "Unless what?" "Okay." "Don't wait for me." "Movie 43." "Wh-Where is it?" "Where is it?" "Go fuck yourself, asshole!" "Don't do this." "Brian, we're best friends, man." "You can't move out." "One time." " What?" " But I want to make it up to you." "Can I fuck your girlfriend?" "So I can't arrange it." "But Brian, I got you something." "Best birthday present ever." "You are going to love this." " Is this really necessary?" " Trust me." "It's better if it's a..." "One, two, three, surprise!" "I know, right, buddy?" "Happy birthday." "Moron." "There's no such thing as leprechauns." "Dude, watch this." "Tell my friend you're going to give us a big pot of gold." "Good Lord." "The last thing you'll ever see is my cock, skull-fucking you!" "Let me ask him again." "Give us the fucking gold!" "When I fuck you with a pair of rusty scissors?" "Watch out!" "Relax!" "I'll handle this, okay?" "I'll handle this." "Hey, Mr. Leprechaun." "So what I'm going to do..." "is untie you and let you go." "How does that sound?" "Okay... but first..." "Lick my crusty Irish taint, ya yeast-breeding cunt hole!" "Die!" "Die, you little magical fuck!" "Fucking giants." "Motherfucking full-growns!" "No one!" "I wouldn't bet on that." "Who's calling?" "Your balls" "How do you feel about having your balls cut off" "Jeez, they're so into balls." "That was so good." "You sounded so tough." "Okay." "What did he say?" "He said "Okay."" "No way." "How did he get here so fast?" "Sweet!" " Gold coins!" " Gold!" " Happy Birthday, dude!" " Holy crap!" "So, we get the gold and we keep this little fucker?" "Did you hear that?" "Looks like your lucky charms just ran out." "Who's magically delicious now, bitch?" "I couldn't hear you over my giant pot of leprechaun gold!" "Top o' the morning, ladies!" " He shot me in the eye!" " He shot me in my nipples!" "I'm half goddamn blind!" "Taste Celtic steel!" "Shoot him!" "Shoot the fucking leprechaun!" "Tell St. Patty you like it up the ass!" "What now?" "Yeah." "I thought they'd be bigger." "Hey, Pete, I just want to say thank you." " Yeah, it is a lot of gold." " Nah, it's more than gold." "Something that only a true friend would do for me." "Yeah, well, I should have never slept with your girlfriend." "Whatever." "We can buy new girlfriends." "Really?" " Who is she?" " She's a fairy." "Storybook fairy." "What the hell am I supposed to do with a fairy?" "I suck cock for gold coins." "J.J., make some space!" " What can I do?" " I need metal." "Right now!" "Go!" "Use your Tinker Toys." " Trophies!" "Spoons!" " Stop yelling at me!" "I'll do it!" "It better!" "Here we go!" "How do you do this?" "We're getting close!" "Yeah?" "Yes, we're getting very close!" "Uno marguerita, por favor?" "You want salt?" "Sí, bueno." "Got it." "Do you mind me asking a question?" "It may seem personal." " Match dot com?" " Right." "And they're all the same." " Real, straight conversations." " I'm all about that." "So what does your father do for a living?" "Okay." "Let's play a game." "Well, you start first." "You ask me, "Truth or Dare."" " Truth or Dare?" " Truth." "Or any alternative parallel cosmos where you might" "Is there any chance I'm your type?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "You're tall." " And that's good?" " I like tall." "Truth?" "I knew you'd say that." "I am going to push the limits just a little bit." " Are you circumcised?" " Am I circumcised?" "That's personal." "It's not... it's not the vogue." "I tend to associate it with Jewish people..." "So, no, I'm not." "But if you would need me to get circumcised, I'm sure I could." " Truth or Dare?" " Truth." "Twenty-six days ago in an alley behind a Pilates studio." "Truth or Dare?" "Dare." "I'm going to go with a Dare." "Here we go." "Now we're cooking." "Okay." "I dare you to go over there." "Grab his cheeks and cup it." "She's joking." " Then go cup his ass." " Okay, I will." "I call him, and he never answers the phone." "I'm sick of it." " Go pay him a visit." " You call him." "I'm sick and tired of it." "It's" "You touching my fucking ass!" "What's the matter with you!" " What's the matter with you?" " Sorry." "Apologies." "Sorry." "Truth or Dare?" "Come on." "Be original." "See that blind kid over there?" "Blow out his candles before he can." " You're doing that?" " It's up to you." "But you need to know something." "This is war." "I wish it was my birthday So I could party, too" "Happy, happy birthday May all your dreams come true" "Hey!" "Excuse me." "I got $200." "Can you give me the whole thing?" "I dare you to make guacamole with your right breast." ""...elucidate several most important, however..." "Chapter 64:" "Stubb's Supper." ""Stubb's whale had been killed some distance from the ship."" "When the swelling goes down, you're going to look great, Emily." "Thanks, sweetie." "Yeah?" "Me, too." "Yes." "Yeah." "We did." "We did." "It was enchanting." "You're really a... very delightful woman." " Well, thank you." " Yeah." "So..." "Yeah." "This is that slightly awkward moment." "Well..." "No." "I'm sorry." "But I'm just not that attracted to Asian men." "Psych!" "Get in here, Yao Ming!" "We don't want these puppies to go to waste." "Dude..." "We're getting closer!" " I need one more!" " I'm freaking out, man!" "Terrapin Protocol initiated." " What the fuck did you do?" " Movie 43." "I used to be great cameraman in Russia." "Dude, what's up with the power?" "We found Movie 43, buddy." "Good." "We found it." "J.J., Calvin and Baxter, this is Movie 43!" "every man, woman and child would be converted into fighting machines." "China?" "Gone!" "Russia?" "Gone!" "Amsterdam?" "Still not a goddamn country!" "Gone!" "Son of a bitch, J.J.!" "I'm trying to rewrite the fucking past!" "Yeah?" "Some Infecteds were trying to rewrite your fucking existence!" "Two got away." "Has the cripple been fed?" "Why am I Rain Man?" " I'm sorry!" " Come here, Mama." " Sorry, Mommy." " Back to business." " Defensive maneuvers!" " Dammit, they jumped the wire!" "Vrankovich!" "On me, you dumb Ruskie!" "using a Mark-7 Spartan from the Bundesnachrichtendienst" " That was awesome!" " No way!" "I swear it wasn't a prank!" " And I'm a drooling cripple?" " I didn't do it!" "I'm going to the supermarket." "Does anyone need anything?" "No." "What is it?" "No!" " I'm sorry, Mommy!" "I'm sorry!" " What are you sorry about?" " What's happening?" " Shit!" "God!" "All right, I got it!" "I got it." "Don't worry." " Don't let him pull his own dick off." " Why would he pull his own dick off?" "I fucking got it!" "I got it!" "Why is my computer so slow?" "Why is there porn on my computer?" "April Fools." "Oh, shit!" "I can't believe it!" "Ever to compete for a state title." "Theirs was victory's glory." "Coach, we scared." "There's 10,000 white people out there that think that we ain't good enough." "You know what?" "Maybe we ain't." "All of y'all feel like that?" "Four hundred years in this country... the black man has been spit on, kicked... drug through the mud." "But I've got two things I can tell you." "Number one, win or lose..." "I am so proud of y'all." "Number two..." "You're going to win." "It's just that plain and fucking simple." "You're going to win!" " What game are we playing?" " Basketball, Coach." "What color is their skin?" "They're white, you're black." "This is basketball" "Yeah, Coach, but that was against all-black teams." "The fundamentals!" "It doesn't matter!" "Come on up here, Lucious." "Tell them." "How long is your dick?" "I don't know, Coach." "Like a foot." "Foot and a half." "Foot and a ha" "Foot and a half?" "All right, let's kick some butt." "You scared?" "Well, well, well." "Yeah, you Negroes." "What's the matter?" "Did you realize you didn't belong in a white man's game, you Negroes?" "You understand, Negroes?" " White Knights!" " White Knights!" "And you know what's going to happen then?" "Your black ass is going to swat that shit..." "You're black, they're white, this ain't hockey!" "Guys, I think what Coach is trying to say is that the key word is "teamwork."" "No, the key word is "you're black, they're white"'!" "He made you black." "He made them white." "He gave you a foot-and-a-half dick!" "Dribble with that motherfucker!" "As long as y'all are out there on the floor..." "That's just how basketball works!" "Cut that goddamn slow clap shit out!" "Tries my motherfucking patience!" "Go out there and win!" " Let's go!" " Come on!" "It was a glorious game." "with his foot-and-a-half penis... the referees had no choice but to call a technical foul... sending young Bobby Lee Mayflower to the line... for the most dramatic moment of the contest." "Who is that woman you are with?" "I want your mother." " Baxter, turn that shit off, man." " Okay." "I'm going to go to the bathroom, all right?" "I can't fucking do it." "Gym class gives you" "Some guys shoot the shit, and some people get shot with shit." "Right?" " Am I right?" " I don't know what he's talking about." "I want to be on you." "In you." " Sorry." "Fuck." " Not a problem." "No." "No, I can just see him underneath the table." "And he's had his fingers in my pussy for the last five minutes." "It's monstrous." "It looks like she's sitting on Art Garfunkel's shoulders." "No one leaves this room till we figure this out." " Dicks." " Dicks." "Otherwise, there's going to be lots more blood." "I suck cock for gold coins." "So do I." "I think what Coach is trying to say is that the key word here is "teamwork."" "Lucious, will you whip out your dick and smack this motherfucker with it?" " Oh, Anson." " I do." " Me, too." " You do?" "He's America's favorite cat..." "Beezel" "What?" "Amy, ever since you moved in here, I" " Oh, Anson." " I do." " Me, too." " You do?" "Beezel!" "How are you?" "How is my handsome little boy?" "Is a little strange?" "Amy!" "That gets jealous of a guy's pet!" "Even if that pet is thuper thilly!" " Really?" " Yeah." "There we go." "Now, where were we?" "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Get off of me!" " What happened?" " Beezel... pissed all over me!" "Oh, no, he just sprayed you." "Or it could mean that he's sick." "Buddy, are you sick?" "He just put a fucking thermometer in his mouth!" "He thinks it's a toy." "Oh, Beezel." "I cannot be with you." "No, Amy, Amy." "Look." "He's just a cat." "But you... you're the woman that I love." " You'd get rid of him?" " I will." "No, I love you." "Beezel, where are you, boy?" "Come out, come out, you little rat-fucker." "Beezel!" "She was nice enough to take him off our hands." " Do you mind checking outside for him?" " Absolutely." "I'm going to go upstairs." "Beezel?" "That's it, you son of a bitch!" "Cock-sucking..." "Garfield reject piece of shit!" "Die, you... dick-loving devil cat!" "What?" "Don't look." "Mommy, she's beating that cat... to death!" "He tried to kill me." "No, you don't understand." "You don't understand." "Please." "Get her!"