"No, he's still dead." "Shakedown 1979" "Cool kids never have the time" "On a live wire right up off the street" "You and I should meet" "June bug skipping like a stone" "Headlights pointed At the dawn" "We were sure we'd never See an end to it all" "And I don't even care" "To shake these zipper blues" "And we don't know" "Just where our bones will rest" "To dust I guess" "Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below" "Hello, gentlemen." "How is it going, young fellow?" "Fantastic!" "Ok." "Down to business." "Drugs." "You've got loads of them." "Give us to them." "What do you want?" "What have you got?" "Doves, ups, downs, hash, Black Moroccan..." "Es, heroin, Charlie, spades, acids..." "Ok, I think I'll have..." "and grass." "I think I'll have a gram of cocaine, please." "Take your hands off." "You're wrecking my buzz!" "Fuck!" "Hello!" "What the fuck do you want?" "Was that your boyfriend there?" "Yes." "What's he like?" "He's an arsehole." "What do you care?" "Well, what are you doing for the rest of the night?" "What's it to you?" "Do you want to come back to my flat for some coke and some sex?" "Ok." "Ok." "is that your car, lads?" "You're joking me?" "We wouldn't buy a car like that. lt's a woman's car." "So what are you doing hanging around the North Side, Jonathan?" "You know, this and that and... a bit of shopping, seeing the sights, burying my father..." "Really?" "He's dead?" "He's dead." "What did he die of?" "He drank himself to death." "Are you heartbroken?" "You know, I'm glad he finally got it together." "So the doctor says to him: "You've got to stop your fucking drinking." "Your liver is going to give in." "Do you know what I'm saying?"" "He goes home and celebrates with a bottle of Bushmills." "A way to go!" "Are you taking the piss?" "l never joke about death." "You are taking the piss!" "Am I?" "It's not important for you To know my name I do not know yours lf we communicate For two minutes only" "Will be enough" "Wait here." "I'll be back in a second." "Feels as desperate as me What you give is what you get" "Morning!" "You're not as cute as your brother!" "Thanks." "It's a beautiful morning out there, Mike." "She's asleep." "It was a great funeral, wasn't it?" "What's the matter with you?" "Have you been asleep?" "Yeah, I went to bed early." "Listen, I want the ashes, ok?" "I want to take them away with me." "What are you talking about?" "l want the fucking urn thing." "I want to take it home with me." "What are you shiting on about?" "It's five o' clock." "Mikey, she's asleep." "Come on." "I'm not gonna give you the urn, ok?" "Look, why don't you get a couple of hours sleep here... and we'll all have breakfast then, ok?" "Do you have pancakes?" "Yes, I will make you some..." "ls he going to be all right?" "Yeah." "He'll be fine." "He's been a lot better the last few months." "He'll be grand." "Listen, I'm sorry." "I'll see you." "We're going for a spin." "I have to ask you to get out here." "What?" "I have to ask you to get out of the car, please. I'm sorry." "What are you talking about?" "l have to ask you... to get out of the car, now." "I'm sorry." "Please." "Are you serious?" "If you want to kill yourself... it can't really go wrong if you drive a convertible car... over a cliff, at 50 miles an hour." "It's a sure thing." "I broke my baby finger." "No seat-belt." "The police said if I had have been wearing my seat-belt... I would've broken my neck." "Under the threat of a prison sentence for the stolen car... I opted for 3 months as a patient in a psychiatric hospital." "Rudolph The red-nosed reindeer" "The good thing about going into the madhouse right now... was that my stay would run right over the Christmas season." "For as long as I can remember I wanted to spend Christmas... in a suburban mental institution." "The group session you'll be attending is a small one." "It's made up of four people about the same age as yourself." "Most of them have been with us for a month or so." "They are doing quite well." "I'm sure you'll all get on very well." "Here's your room." "Rudolph with Your nose so bright" "Won't you guide My sleigh tonight?" "Then how the reindeer Loved him" "Yeah. I'll take it." "There's a room for patients called the recreation room." "You've got Velcro-tipped darts... cards, the telly... and the kettle that stops boiling when the water is lukewarm so... you can't kill yourself by pouring boiling water on your head." "Look at that animal." "You're right, he's nice." "I had a cat once." "But it got its head stuck in a tin of cat food... I'd left on the counter." "It was stuck for ten hours by the time I'd come back." "I'm sorry." "It must have been horrible for him... all that time in the dark... trying to breathe, bumping into walls." "That's sad." "But he's ok now." "He's just a little edgy." "But he's fine." "I'll see you later." "What's that for, lads?" "Thanks." "Do you feel like talking?" "Ok." "Well... we'll leave it today." "My therapy sessions are at 12... every Tuesday and Thursday in room 13." "You are required to attend." "I've been through your file this morning." "I'm sorry about your father." "Hey baby, I dig your scars I think you're smart They think you're kind of stupid" "You don't say much I don't care I think you're strange But I think kind of sexy" "You are kind of lovely ln an ugly way" "Your feet scratch together ln my two-time waltz I think you have a lot to say I think you're strange But I think it's kind of fun" "And I can't believe You're still stuck to me" "Can't believe You're still stuck to this world" "And I can't believe You're still stuck to me" "Can't believe You're still stuck to this world" "But he's not that kind of girl" "You're woken at 7:30 sharp." "A good hour after you've got to sleep." "Excuse me." "Why are you dressed like that?" "What?" "Why are you dressed like that?" "What are you talking about?" "You're an in-patient, aren't you?" "No civvies, PJs only." "That, your clothes?" "There really is nothing as comfortable... as wearing second-hand pyjamas that belonged to a short person." "And I can't believe You're still stuck to me" "Can't believe You're still stuck to this world" "But he's not that kind of girl ls this the way to Dr. Figure's office?" "Yeah." "You're in the right direction." "Head for those blue doors." "He's at the end of the corridor, on the second floor." "Good-bye." "Hello." "Hello." "Are you two patients here?" "No, we're doctors." "Ok, I'll see you." "l like your slippers." "Thanks." "Do they bite?" "I don't know." "Why don't you put your hands down there and find out?" "Well, they're nice." "Do you want a game of pool sometime?" "When?" "Wherever." "I don't play pool." "l'll play you." "Oh yeah?" "Well, I was actually more interested in having a game of pool... with the young lady here, you know?" "No offence." "Well, fuck you then." "Ok." "How about a game of table tennis?" "Ok, I'll give you the telephone number of my room?" "No." "Ok." "Come in." "I want to talk about the whole pyjamas thing." "What's' the problem?" "They forced me to wear pyjamas in the middle of the fucking day!" "It's Health Board regulations." "It's just to distinguish you from day patients and visitors." "It's fucking ridiculous." "They took my clothes." "They're too small." "I look like an idiot." "You look fine, Jonathan." "Everyone is wearing them." "So, therapy sessions." "Three times a week, at two o' clock." "So this must be the nutcase class, is it?" "Jonathan, come in and grab a seat." "We're just getting started." "Oh fantastic!" "I haven't missed anything, have I?" "This is Jonathan Breech, everyone." "He's joining our group." "So why don't you all introduce yourselves?" "Rachel." "Toby." "That's Leslie... and Nick." "No, you haven't missed anything." "Well, that's good news!" "Yeah, my name is Jonathan Breech, I'm 19 years of age... and I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks... to all I'll learn about everyone." "But more importantly, about myself... and my own problems." "Thanks." "Next." "Jonathan, we've all been together here as a group... for a few weeks now and we've been sharing our thoughts." "So let me just ask you how you feel at the moment... or whether there's anything that you feel you want to tell us." "She's cute." "Do you have a boyfriend?" "That will be a "no", then." "Ok." "Let's just look at this list." "Shall we?" "On your sheets you'll see a list of situations... that some people find difficult... and things we're somewhat afraid of." "I don't know about you." "Doctor, I don't know about him." "It's ok, Nick." "He's a patient." "It's fine." "I wouldn't trust him." "It's fine." "Ok." "What I want you to do is to tick off any of these items here... that particularly trouble you." "Excuse me." "Filling out forms really scares me." "That's ok, Toby." "You can just leave it." "lt's not that important." "No, I was joking." "You're fine." "Thanks, doctor." "Actually, it was quite funny." "Right, I'm out of here." "I'll see you." "You're not gonna help yourself by running away, Jonathan." "No." "You know, you're right, doctor." "No." "Why don't you show us how it's done?" "Tell us a bit about yourself." "What scares you?" "Jonathan..." "l just want to know... if there's anything in particular that worries you." "I'd be happy to go through it sometime... if you're really interested, but... at the moment, we're not here to talk about me, you know what I mean?" "Sounds like denial to me." "No, it's not denial." "Now you sound angry." "No, I'm not angry either." "Sometimes it's good to be angry, doctor." "I just don't think this is an appropriate conversation." "Fine. lf you don't feel comfortable talking about it..." "But I believe you said I was running away." "Yes, I did." "And I think that's what we should be addressing." "You are trying to deflect the whole discussion on to my problems." "Now you sound paranoid Like Nick there." "What did you say about me?" "I said nothing." "How did you hear that?" "I hear everything." "Don't you talk about me behind my back." "I have enough on my plate!" "Look, this has been a wonderful session for me." "I think I've learned loads about everyone." "And I think I'm almost ready for the outside world again." "So, thanks, doctor." "Same time tomorrow." "Ok. I'll see you." "Think I'm cute?" "Think I'm cute?" "Don't call me "cute"." "But you are cute." "Don't call me "cute"." "You're cute." "Do you think I'm cute now?" "Do you want to play?" "What do you want?" "Come on." "Give me a fight." "You think you are so tough!" "Do you think I'm cute now?" "I have to go back to therapy." "See you later." "I know" "You're rich in" "Good clothes" "And little things" "You like that Rachel one, do you?" "l don't know." "She's beautiful, isn't she?" "She's very complicated." "Anyway, I'll see you around." "is she weird?" "is she weird?" "is she white?" "is she promised to the night?" "And her head has no room ls she weird?" "is she white?" "is she promised to the night?" "And her head has no room ls she weird?" "is she white?" "is she promised to the night?" "And her head has no room" "And her head has no room" "Does she play all the time?" "Pretty much." "Do you know?" "That's the thing about these places." "You think you are doing something noble... when encouraging her to play the piano." "And then when she doesn't end up getting better... you just stick her in front of it." "All day, everyday." "And then you forget about her." "How long has she been here for?" "Two years." "The road to recovery." "Some people just don't get better." "That's very frank of you, doctor." "The Board of Directors wouldn't be pleased to hear you admitting that." "Tell me one thing: do you see me getting any better?" "You're more talkative today." "I'm just fucking bored with this place." "If you weren't mad, to begin with..." "So, what's troubling you, Jonathan?" "Well that's a real standard textbook question, isn't it, doctor?" "ls it?" "Well, lt's just that when... your psychiatrist wears corduroy pants and a jumper and no tie... and drives an old Saab..." "is that yours?" "Yeah." "Yeah, the old Saab." "I don't know." "You just expect something a little more original..." "than "What's troubling you?"." "Do you?" "I just thought you'd be the laid-back... social worker type who'd offer me cigarettes." "'Cause you're very laid-back, very Robin Williams." "I thought we would be bonding and then hugging and stuff." "Want to talk about your father?" "No, want to talk about yours?" "What would you do if you were allowed home for the afternoon?" "Get a decent cup of coffee... and then I'd chop my head off with a chainsaw." "Ok." "Just one thing." "I wanted to propose something." "It's like a pledge between doctor and patient." "We nominate a day, like three weeks from now... like New Year's day... and you mustn't harm yourself until that day." "You have to stick to it." "What do you think about that?" "Yeah. I think it's a fucking ridiculous idea." "lt's been known to work." "lt won't work." "It might." "Why don't you think about it?" "Ok, hang on..." "I've thought about it." "It's a fucking medical breakthrough!" "Well done, doctor." "Well, We'll talk about it more after the session." "You've given me the will to live and I want to thank you for that." "I'll show you the benefits of being more sparing with your sarcasm." "Ok?" "See you." "Fuck you." "So let me tell you about this pledge thing." "Dr. Figure was a no medication type of guy." "And all the hardcore suicides in his group... now including myself... had agreed not to kill or hang themselves before January first." "I mean, can you imagine someone dead... hanging from the light fixture in their room, thinking..." ""lf my doctor finds out about this, I'm fucked!"" "You did get privileges, if you signed it though... like going to shops or to the pub across the road." "Not that I needed that... because Toby had been slipping out of the hospital for weeks." "So I promised to buy him a drink and he took me with him." "Stop dreaming of the quiet life Cos it's the one we'll never know" "Quit running for That runaway bus" "Cos those rosy days are few" "Stop apologizing For the things you've never done" "Cos time is short And life is cruel" "Wait a second." "Rows and rows Of disused milk floats" "Stand dying in the dairy yard" "Cheers." "Let's get a seat." "Hey!" "You've just spilled my drink." "It was an accident, all right?" "Yeah, but you could apologize, you know?" "Not tonight, kids." "Fucking unbelievable!" "All right, boys?" "Lads, lads, lads, lads..." "Do you remember... when you were coming back from the ladies there... and then you bumped into my buddy here, you know?" "And then, he dropped his drink." "He didn't get to drink, any of it." "It would've been a gas if you'd said sorry to him." "You see, that was an accident." "I mean, call the police." "That doesn't seem to be bothering your girlfriend there, does it?" "So, why the fuck is it bothering you?" "Little fucking spanner head!" "Look, lads." "You're right." "l'll get another one." "We'll pay for it, ok?" "lt's fine." "Fair play to us." "Just have a good night." "Take care." "No hard feelings, ok?" "No worries, man." "Take care." "All the best." "Fuck!" "I'll fucking bollocks bottle you." "I got a fucking stitch." "No, one stitch is ok." "Keep going." "Come back here!" "l can cope with these fellows." "They're very bad at chasing." "Look, over here!" "See our friends See the sights" "Feel all right" "Are we like you?" "I can't be sure" "Of the scene As she turns" "We are strange ln our world" "But we are young We get by" "Can't go mad Ain't got time" "Sleep around lf we like" "But we're all right" "So, why are you at the sessions, Toby?" "Now you want to talk serious." "Ok, focus." "I killed my brother in a car accident." "How about you?" "Don't know. I... I've never been properly diagnosed, you know." "But did drive a car off a cliff a couple of weeks back." "Fuck off." "Yeah." "Are you serious?" "You mean, like, totally over a cliff?" "And you survived?" "What was it like?" "Well, for the first five seconds it was fairly interesting." "Fucking head, say so!" "That's brilliant!" "Well done!" "I've got to try that after my pledge date." "Hi!" "Fuck's sake!" "Come here, you fucking spanners!" "Lose control, hit a wall We're all right" "Hi." "Hi there." "What are you doing here?" "How did you get out of your ward?" "Aren't you happy to see me?" "So, where were you?" "l was out with Toby." "What do you think of him?" "l like him." "He's a very nice guy." "Didn't you have a thing with him?" "Toby?" "He's sweet." "You didn't answer my question." "I don't know." "Toby is hard to read, you know." "Sometimes I think he likes me, I don't know." "What about you?" "What do you think?" "Was your father in today?" "Yeah." "How do you know?" "Did he admit you here?" "Yeah." "So, he's Irish?" "Yeah, he's Irish." "My mom was American." "Do you live in America?" "I did. I moved here six months ago." "And where's mom?" "She's dead." "I'm sorry." "Why are you standing over there?" "Why don't you come and sit down?" "So, are you doing that pledge thing?" "Yeah." "Are you?" "Yeah." "Toby too." "Yeah." "New Year's Day." "It's a great idea, I think." "l like it." "Really?" "I don't know, it gives me something to think about." "So, you tried to kill yourself." "Why did you want to die?" "I don't want to die." "I don't to be alive." "Are you afraid of dying?" "Not for the few seconds it takes to kill yourself, no." "Lie on top of me." "Leave your pants and don't ask me questions." "And no exchange of bodily fluids." "You could take off your shirt." "Don't stop." "Don't stop." "l'm just fucking wriggling really." "Whatever it is, don't stop." "Ok, I won't stop." "Oh, god!" "What the fuck is the matter with you?" "You're just... I'm singing in the rain" "Just singing in the rain" "What a glorious feeling I'm happy again" "I'm laughing at clouds" "Got tickets for Christmas raffle?" "No." "Do you know where l can get them?" "No." "That's not much good to me." "Let the stormy clouds chase" "Everyone from the place" "Come on with the rain I've a smile on my face I walk down the lane" "With a happy refrain" "Just singing Singing in the rain lt was at that moment that I decided to keep the pledge." "Don't ask me why." "I'm happy again" "Once every two weeks, there's bowling" "That's where we're encouraged to mix... with the rest of society and behave like normal people." "All right, lads." "Get your shoes." "Let's go." "Make sure you get the right sizes." "You are very bad at bowling, Toby." "You know, we should do something this weekend." "Like what?" "Have a darts championship?" "No, Toby. I've had enough of fucking broken rubber darts." "I mean, do something." ""Driving miss Daisy" is on the telly." "We could invite some lunatics down, from the high-risk ward." "Could be a laugh." "How do you ever hear... what's going on with that stuff blaring in your eras?" "Shut up, now." "I was starting to like you." "Don't blow it." "We should do something." "I mean, go drinking or take some drugs." "We'd get caught." "lf we get caught... fuck it." "We'll just lose a few privileges." "We round up a load of loonies and head off to the country." "Or we could have a party in my flat." "Where will we get the people from?" "These are our people, Nick." "We'd hand out the address to loads of day patients... say there's loads of free gargles, they'd bring all their mates." "Everyone wants to do something on New Year's Eve." "l'm telling you." "Fuck!" "No, I'm telling you." "The whole thing is fucking wanks and jeers!" "Bowling is shite!" "You shut the fuck up!" "Wednesdays are visiting days." "I really look forward to them, because my brother comes in." "And he's fantastic." "Outside her apartment" "There's a note on the door" "It said: "Come on inside lt's wide open"" "But the light bulbs Are all broken" "I saw you with your brother today, in the garden." "What kind of relationship do you have with him?" "Did you ever see that Marx Brothers sketch... where Chico was asked, "You love your brother, don't you?"" "And he says, "No, but I'm used to him"?" "I like the Marx Brothers." "I like the Marx Brothers, too." "So, you have a history of male depression in your family." "He's been giving you the old run-down, has he?" "He's great at that, old Mikey." "Yeah, I have a history of male depression in my family." "So what?" "How do you think it affected you?" "Your mother died when you were ten." "Do you think that's why your father killed himself?" "." "Or was him suffering from hereditarian depression?" "I don't know." "I suppose after all these years of loneliness... he finally saw the light." "Call it what you want." "l'm proud of him." "What about yourself?" "." "On the road, did you see the light?" "I don't want to talk about what you see in a moment like that." "It would scare the wits out of you." "If I could describe it... if I could do justice to it... we'd be all jumping out the windows." "Up until recently, cutting yourself was enough?" "No, that's just a matter of letting a little air out of the tires." "It doesn't work anymore, though." "I can talk about this until the cows come home, doctor." "I know more about the business of suicide... in my baby finger, than you do in all your years... of training and Freud reading." "I "guaran-fucking-tee" you that." "I know you do." "Have you ever heard of people... seeing their own blood and then getting excited?" "You mean sexually?" "Yeah." "Yes, I've heard of it." "And is it for real?" "Yes, it's very real." "Why are you interested in it?" "Be careful, Jonathan." "What do you mean?" "What I say." "Doctors discourage relationships... between suicidal patients in hospital." "I mean, you wouldn't fucking blame them, but... well, they go along with them, up to a point... but once either party becomes seriously attached... they become worried because... when the inevitable break-up comes... the person left behind is in twice the danger." "So you have to be more careful with people inside." "They take you more seriously than people on the outside." "You can't fuck around the way you normally do." "Guess who?" "Oh, it's you!" "Gosh, you know, I'm so happy to see you." "Haven't stopped thinking about you all day." "So, is it ok if I walk with you... through these beautiful gardens of ours?" "Sure." "Why not?" "How's the arm?" "It's fine." "It's all bandaged up." "Oh, good." "And how's your hand?" "What about my hand?" "It was just that it kept hitting off my face, you know." "I was just wondering if it was ok." "Right." "Yeah, it's fine." "How's your face?" "Fine. lt's fine." "You know we should stop talking about our wounds." "That could take all fucking day." "Anyway, it was my ego that was bruised..." "not my face." "Why?" "Why?" "I don't know why." "You know there's a girl up in the high security ward... who cuts open her abdomen, plays with her intestines." "They stitch her back up." "A week later, she does the same thing over again." "She's really lovely." "Why don't you go figure her out?" "Now, you see, I haven't met her... and she didn't come up and slap me out of the blue for no reason." "l don't need your help." "l'm not trying to help you." "Just take care of yourself." "You know what?" "Fuck it!" "You want to come up to my room for some auto-erotic asphyxiation?" "Yeah?" "Now?" "Yeah." "I've got some hooked-eye screws." "We could hang ourselves and I could smack you around a little bit." "lt'll be a good time." "That's a fabulous idea." "Yeah." "That would be fun." "Maybe tomorrow." "But I can't wait!" "Do you want to know what I think we should do?" "Are you sure you want to hear it?" "Yeah. ls it dirty?" "." "It's disgusting!" "I think we should go some time and get some ice creams." "Just the two of us." "Get some fresh air." "Sure." "l'll buy you an ice cream." "Ok." "Call me." "I'll be in my room." "I'll be waiting for your call." "Call me." "Myself and Toby's break outs became a regular weekly thing." "He'd always take me with him." "We both agreed that a big Christmas party... outside the hospital was a good idea." "Toby decided to take a trial run." "He swore that he could hot-wire any car in under 10 seconds." "Let me explain" "The swell of temptation lt's fucking beautiful, isn't it?" "I'll tell you something about my brother." "He was in the hospital for a month after the accident." "In bits, you know." "He was just wasting away." "We all knew he was dying." "He was on a machine and everything." "I think if I lost anyone else it wouldn't have been so bad." "'Cause I think I can handle death... and missing people and that." "What I don't understand is there were a few basic, simple things... that I wish I could've told him before he went." "Something like the fact that I loved him... and that I never went a day without thinking about him... or talking about him to people." "And since then the image that sticks in the head... is that over the month in the hospital... I couldn't get it together enough to tell him those things." "I always thought I'd say them in the end." "Then one night, the nurse brought him a cup of tea... and he had a few sips of it." "And I..." "I went out to the toilets." "And when I came back... he was a dead man." "With all the family and friends around him... and all the chairs and... my elbow touched off his cup." "And there was still heat in it." "And that... it totally fucked me up, you know?" "I mean, the idea... that it was his tea, you know?" "It was his tea, still warm and... it outlived him." "It was his tea." "Plane is coming to Dublin Airport there." "Full of people." "You wonder if it'll crash now." "No." "Safe and sound." "Fuck, I'm sorry." "I don't... I don't know why I'm talking about this." "We'll go back. lt's fucking freezing in here, anyway." "Wanks!" "Hey, pal." "Give it up, will you?" "You're embarrassing yourself." "I'm getting better, lads." "Don't worry." "Wanker!" "Are you trying to start a fight?" "Chill out, honey." "What are you?" "A homosexual or something?" "No more than you're a dickhead." "Now, you're distracting us, you northern fuck." "We're trying to play here and you're fooling round." "You're in my fucking peripherals." "Why don't you just mind your own business?" "He's not bothering you." "Shut the fuck up, you ugly mutt." "What did you say to her?" "Just forget it, Toby." "Just bowl." "You're a wise man." "Fucking strike!" "Did you see that?" "Strike!" "You're gonna have to die now for that, you prick." "Hey!" "Hang on!" "What's your problem?" "Do you want to fucking get involved in this, do you?" "If you want to get at him... you're going to have to go through me first." "But bear with me, while I try to explain something." "Now, come on." "Come on." "Give it to me in the fucking neck." "Come on." "But listen very carefully first before you do." "Whatever you do to me... I'm going to have enough energy to come back and get one in at you." "And as sure as I'm standing here... I don't give a fuck what happens to me." "You'd better kill me with your first shot... 'cause if you don't I'll come back and I'll take your fucking head off." "Come on, give it to me in the fucking neck, come on." "Come on, you wanker!" "Dean, leave it." "He's from the hospital." "Yeah." "Jonathan." "Come here a second." "That was a close call." "I suppose." "What if he had gone for you?" "Doctor, he'd have been doing me a favor." "You're trembling." "Do you really believe that, our are you just saying it?" "l felt that at the time." "What about now?" "Isn't it a relief to be alive?" "Catch the things You might have missed you say" "Get back to yesterday" "I ain't ever going back" "Back to the place That I can't stand" "But I I miss the way you lie" "Cause I've always Been misunderstood" "Pulled apart And ripped in two" "But I I miss the way you lie" "Catch the sun" "Before it's gone" "Here it comes" "Up in smoke and gone" "Catch the sun lt never comes" "How's it going?" "Good." "How are you?" "l'm ok." "l wrote another poem, you know." "Yeah?" "l like your poetry." "Thanks a million." "Do you want to hear it?" "Yeah." "It's called "The Demons"." "Ok." "Deep within these flesh walls" "A raging monster screams" "The pain is felt When I am asleep" "And fills my every dreams" "To overcome the demon within I found a light that shone" "And called out loud And guided me" "That light inspired me on" "When darkness falls Across mine eye" "A light within does shine" "And helps me When the demon screams" "That light to me Sublime" "That's it." "What do you think of it?" "l like it." "Yeah. lt's not bad." "lt's good." "is it for me?" "Not necessarily." "Well... I'm going to the toilets." "I'll see you around." "I didn't really have to go." "Rachel... I hope I didn't pressure you in the past." "No. I mean..." "You're not like that, you know." "You're what my mom would call a perfect gentleman." "Come here." "I'll see you around." "Hi." "Hi there." "Were you all for the day?" "Yeah. I was with my dad." "How is your dad?" "What are you doing later?" "Think I'll catch a show." "Do you know where my room is?" "Yes, I do." "Ok." "How was today." "It was fine." "I didn't enjoy it really." "Your dad, how was he?" "I don't know." "I don't understand him." "We went home for lunch today." "Haven't been there in ages." "There are these cliffs... like ten minutes from my house." "Used to go there when I was a kid." "Last time I was there I was seven... and had a picnic with my mom." "It was nice and sunny." "We took a nap on the blanket and I had my head on her stomach... and I could feel it moving up and down with her breath." "We decided to go home." "She wanted to walk along the cliffs." "I don't know, she just... lost her footing." "She just went over." "No sound, no scream." "I looked over... and I could see her on the rocks below... all curled up, like she was taking a nap." "Nowadays I have this dream that I'm back at the cliff... I'm looking down and I can see her." "Curled up... still there, sleeping." "And I want to get down to her." "But I can't figure out how." "Then I realize I could just jump." "So I... so I jump." "But it's not like falling, it's... I just float down." "And then I'm with her." "And I have my head on her stomach." "And I can feel her breathing." "And it's... lt's so warm and nice." "And then everything just... fades away." "Where was your dad that day?" "I don't know." "I think, work." "He blames himself?" "I don't know." "You know, he..." "he loved her so much." "Daughter is a poor substitute for a wife." "You couldn't be a poor substitute for anyone." "Thanks." "It's nice of you to say." "You should go back to your room now." "They do a walk around at midnight." "Ok." "I'll see you." "I could talk to you, though." "Oh, yeah?" "Good night." ""Abair do phadraigha, agus coloadh samh."" "What does that mean?" "lt means..." ""Say your prayers and sleep well", in Irish." "That's nice." "My dad used to say that to me every night." "Do you miss him?" "I miss him saying that to me." "You miss him." "Not as much as you do, by the sounds of that dream." "Good night." "Your will Changes everyday lt's a choice You've got to make I can't help you lf l want to" "Down here Nothing gets a chance lt's a threat That's real enough" "We can burn this bridge Or stay here lt's a breeze Everlasting like" "Time making socially I can return just to see you" "From this side again" "All good escape plans start with acquiring wheels." "Something fast and discreet." "Rachel suggested her dad's house as a venue for our party." "He'd be away, do we'd have the run of the place." "And by giving out the address to the day patients... news of the party would spread like wildfire." "It's a sea ever churning in" "Tides, in the sureness of" "Who are you waiting for?" "Our hostess for the evening." "She said she'd bunk out at a half-ten." "So this might take a while" "To figure out now" "So don't you rush it" "Hold your head up high right Through the doubt now" "Cos it's just a matter of time" "You've been running so fast" "We spiked the guard's flask with" "A cocktail of stolen medication." "Happy New Year." "Let's go for a gander." "Ok." "There's something I want to say." "Yeah?" "l'm totally pissed, so... anyway, fuck it, I'm just going to say." "I've regretted not saying things in the past." "I just want to say that... although we have some shite in common... you're not in my ballpark." "It's all I want to say." "What are you talking about?" "l just wanted to say that." "You're not what people think you are." "I mean, you're not even close." "I'm close." "I am everything they say I am." "I am the genuine fucking article." "Toby..." "No, hey, no. I'm telling you now." "Don't get fucking cornered by other people... and what they expect you to do." "You know?" "l'm drunk." "Yeah." "That's all I've got to say." "You're the fucking man." "You know?" "You're the fucking man." "Fuck the begrudgers!" "You know?" "Just fuck them." "Fuck them." "Let's go bring in the New Year." "You're the fucking man." "You're the fucking man." "You are the fucking man." "Why won't you kiss me?" "l am." "No, why won't you kiss me properly?" "Because I'm unusual." "You don't want me?" "Listen to me." "I want to make love to you." "I'd just like to start with a proper kiss." "Ten, nine, eight... seven, six..." "You can never really know what was going through... a person's mind at that exact moment." "If they survive, they'll never tell you." "If they succeed... all you can do is spend the rest of your life guilty." "Because it might have had something to do with you." "Your only concern can be for the people that leave behind." "They are the ones to look out for." "Naked as I am I'm a happy, sad Bulk of a man" "And I can show you everything" "But I'm just doing The best that I can" "And there are no escapes" "Come join me ln my world" "And the exits Are all blocked off" "My girl" "You were very young" "When the Lord Came to take you away" "You had that stuff ln your hair" "Get you in troubles someday" "There's no let up Or no respite" "No answers in any way" "God bless you" "God kicks with both feet" "God kicks with both feet" "God kicks with both feet" "And keeps His shoes clean" "God kicks with both feet" "God kicks with both feet" "God kicks with both feet" "And keeps His shoes clean" "And what's Rachel's dad going to do?" "I don't know." "We'll see." "She's so vulnerable." "What's going to happen to her, doctor?" "What's going to happen to you?" "I can only help people who are really sick." "Even then, half the time it doesn't work." "Who is going to help you?" "What are you looking at?" "Nothing." "Are you blind?" "You have to be looking at something." "I know what's going on in your mind." "Do you?" "Yes." "What are you hanging around here, standing at windows?" "Anyway... this is my window really." "Everyone knows that." "I've been here for years." "Security?" "." "There's a young guy just stolen a bike." "He might be heading for the main gate in a minute or two." "Yeah, push-bike." "He's wearing a green coat and a hat." "Let him through, ok?" "It's beautiful here." "You can't take this all on your own." "So, are you all good now?" "Too many near-death experiences, you're beginning to think twice." "Do you want to know the truth?" "If it's a matter of life and death between people like you and me... then I want to outlive you." "I want to see what happens to you." "Because I like you." "I can't." "What if we are still together in a year?" "Would we be?" "I see it happen." "I don't know." "So you think you love me?" "I know I love you." "Please forgive me lf l act a little strange" "For I know not What I do" "Feels like lightning Running through my veins" "Every time I look at you" "Every time I look at you" "Help me out here" "All my words Are falling short" "And there's so much I want to say" "Want to tell you Just how good it feels" "When you look at me That way" "When you look at me That way" "Throw a stone and watch The ripples flow" "Moving out across the bay" "Like a stone I fall into your eyes" "Deep into that mystery" "Deep into some mystery" "I got half a mind To scream out loud" "I got half a mind To die" "So I won't ever have To lose you, girl" "Won't ever have To say goodbye I won't ever have to lie" "Won't ever have To say goodbye" "Please forgive me lf l act a little strange" "For I know not What I do" "Feels like lightning Running through my veins" "Every time I look at you" "Every time I look at you" "Every time I look at you" "Every time I look at you" "The time goes on The same old tune" "Racing through my mind" "There's a story of A man who would" "Leave this world behind" "Well I guess I'm just Wise enough" "To get that train On time" "And I pray to God When I move" "You'll be driving On that line" "Yeah" "Well I've been to the end Of nowhere" "Yes, I'll stick around Some time I got a thousand of man ln my homeland" "Yes, I don't know who I am" "And I hope I'm just" "Wise enough" "To get that train On time" "And I pray to God When I move" "You'll be driving On that line I guess I'm just Wise enough"