"Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite." " They wanna take our money?" " They have frozen our accounts." " You can take care of this with my help." " What would I have to do for you?" " This is so messed up." "Your ex dating my stepson?" "Yes, it is." "I didn't sign up for some love triangle with someone's mom." " She giving me money." " You have no idea how I feel about Nate." " And what I would do to keep him." " You want this woman?" " No, I wanna be with you." " I am out for good." "In spite of my lowly, unroyal ways, accept that I have true feelings for Marcus and he has them for me." "Blair." "Marcus!" "I knew it was him." "But I want you." "You want my title, which makes me a fool." "I do want you." "Then show me." " I was on a..." " On a date?" "I was gonna tell you." "I've been dating." "We keep having the same fight." "I can't change who I am." "Me neither." " When I step out of here, it's over." " I think it was already." "Where has she been?" "And who am I?" "That's one secret I'll never tell." "You know you love me. x O x O Gossip Girl." "Wakey wakey, Upper East Siders." "Welcome to the first day of senior year and the onset of a new social dynasty." "The big question is, with Serena single and on top of the world will Constance become the house of van der Woodsen?" "I can't believe you got Bart to wear flip-flops." "I can't picture that." "It was so cute." "Every time we'd go for a walk I'd catch him staring down at his feet." "Mom, it all sounds so romantic." " Are we expecting more people?" " Well, it is your first day of school and I was trying to be motherly." "I can't believe you didn't wake me when you got home." " I feel cheated." " Last time you said you felt violated." " Welcome home..." " Say "Mom" and I will kill you." "Decaf, Serena." "I was going to say "Mrs. Bass. "" "Thank you, Charles." "Bart had to fly to Beijing on business." "But he sends his best." " As he has done since kindergarten." " Okay." "Hello." "We were talking romantic getaway, walking on the beach." "Details." "I could stay home and then we could go to lunch together." " Stay home?" "It's your first day of..." " Serena and Dan broke up." "Tragic." "If not entirely unprecedented." "But not without an upside." "Humphrey was holding you back." "You're a born queen." "This is your year to rule." " Why fight it?" " I don't want it, okay?" "Being queen is Blair's whole thing." "Plus, if she needs a eunuch, she knows where to look." "You may feel differently when the trumpets call." "Grab the OJ." "There's champagne in the limo." "He's kidding." "I think." "So you broke up." "I didn't even know you two were back together." " Yeah." " Are you okay?" "No." "But I will be." "I hope." "I don't know." "Having to see him every day, it's..." "It's gonna be really hard." "You know what?" "Every day gets a little bit easier." " Yeah." "It'll be fine, right?" " Of course." " We broke up amicably." " No one cheated." "No one screamed." " Nothing to worry about." "Of course, I don't know what the post-breakup protocol is." "She gets the courtyard Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays?" "I get visits with the library every other weekend?" "Be honest with where you're both at." "Just do that." "And the deflection-through-sarcasm thing you might wanna put on the back burner." "I heard your friend sneak out early this morning." "Clare, is it?" "Come on." "High heels, concrete loft?" "Not the blueprint for a stealthy getaway." "Sorry." "Back burner starting now." "How are things going anyway?" "It's early." "So let's keep this between us, okay?" "Hey." "You look great, sweetie." "You excited for the big first day?" "How set are you on this whole going-to-school thing?" " Pretty set." "Why?" " The first day of school is "draft day. "" "Blair and her merry band of psychos are gonna be on a tear." "They categorize girls into two groups:" "projects and victims." "Girls who have the potential to be Blair-ites become projects." "Girls who have the potential to threaten social order become victims." "I was a project last year, and we all know how that turned out." " What?" " Nothing." "Totally with you." " Did you understand any of that?" " I'm so glad I'm not a girl." "Melissa Murphy." "Junior." "Let's see here." "AP scores good." "Decent charity work." "Young Women of the American Ballet Theater." " Season passes to the Knicks?" " My dad's the team doctor." "Where did you say you summered again?" "The Adirondacks." "We'll be in touch." "So you're basically using Blair's system to screen potential dates?" "Think of it as an early-application process." "So many slots on the Chuck Bass social calendar." " It'll save me a ton of time." " It seems a bit impersonal." "Thank you." "Are those last season's Tory Burch flats?" "I got them on sale?" "Oh, my gosh." "What is wrong with me?" "And my brother goes to Dalton." "Lacrosse captain." "Cute friends." "Lunch." "One sharp." "Every year the projects pile shrinks while the victims pile..." " I blame the voucher system." " Government doesn't care." "Last-minute transfer." "Thought you should be up to date." "Dates will not be my problem this year." "Thanks to your little performance last week the Lord and I are better than ever." "Now, if you'll excuse me I have to find Serena." " Vanessa." "Hey." "Wait up." " Nate, what are you doing here?" "You haven't returned my phone calls." " I've been busy." " Wait." "Just hold up for a second." "You tell me to break it off with Catherine, and then you pull a 180 and you tell me to stay with her." "And then you just bolt." "I mean, did I do something or...?" "What happened?" " I'm late." " Whoa, whoa, so that's it?" "I mean, we're not even friends now?" "We were never really friends, Nate." "You'd be the worst PI ever." "Don't wanna be caught off guard." "Surprised I haven't seen her." "Yeah, especially since you're in the girls' hallway looking for her." "Just be nice." "I'm sure this isn't easy for Serena either." "It was..." "It was like I didn't even exist." "Mm." "Welcome to my world." "It's not so bad once you get used to birds flying into your head." "Yeah, I guess it's better to be ignored than tortured, right?" "Well, there's looking on the bright side." "You know what?" "I should head to my side of the building." "Good luck." " Sorry, man." "Sorry." "Oh!" " Oh!" "I'm so sorry." "Let me get those for you." "Oh, thanks." "Amanda." "I just transferred in." "I'm Dan." "I just assaulted you." " Welcome." " I just hid there." "How pathetic is that?" "No, don't answer that." "Breakups are easy." "Having to see them date someone else is hard." "Why do you think I rub it in Chuck's face?" " A twisted version of foreplay?" " Ignoring you." "You're reading the new Harris novel?" " Have you ever read him?" " Read him." "Listened to him." "Fetched him his morning Irish coffee." "I interned for him this summer." "The point is, whoever dates first wins." "And with your ex being Dan Humphrey, you win by default." "Looks like Humphrey defied our great expectations and Waldorf's rules of order." "Daring to date before Serena?" "It's only a matter of time before it's off with his head." "Or hers." "The file is sketchy." "She just transferred in." "Her father's with the U.N. She's traveled." "She won the short-fiction award." " Blair, do you mind?" " S, this girl is Dan with boobs." "Do you really wanna see them read together all year?" " Move her to the front of the line." " You're making too big a deal out of this." "So he was talking to someone." "So what?" "It doesn't mean anything." "I'm fine." " She's not fine." " She's not fine." "Call her a "person of interest. "" "What a lovely little gallery." "What are you doing here?" "I know Nate paid you a visit this morning." "I wanted to thank you." "Show my appreciation for respecting our agreement." "Great." "You can show me by leaving." "See, I was thinking something a little more tangible." " What is this?" " Open it and see." "Unbelievable." "You really think that...?" " Hey." " Hey." "Did I just...?" "I waved." "I was wondering when I'd bump into you." "So how's your first day going?" " Or something slightly less cliché." " Good." " Yeah, school's..." "School." " School." "Yeah." " Wow, this is..." " Yeah, I know." "I've been really nervous about seeing you all week." "In fact, I still am." "You were?" "Are?" "Look, why don't we just fast-forward past all this weirdness and be friends?" "That sounds so good." "What are you doing for lunch today?" " Friends eat lunch together, right?" " You're right, they do." " Thing is, I..." " Dan." "Hey." "Amanda, this is Serena." "Amanda's new, so I sort of already asked her if she..." "Right." "Great." "Well..." "Um, welcome." "I hope you have..." "I'll see you later." "Who would've thought Humphrey would be the one to move on first?" "They look very sweet together." "Did I overhear something about a lunch?" "Class schedule." "New girl." "Now." "Lily?" "Hello, Rufus." "What are you doing...?" "I had no idea you were here." "How was the trip?" "How's Bart?" "Good." "Good." "He's still in Beijing." " Oh." " On business." "So what brings you down here, Lil?" " Oh, I just thought it would be nice to..." "To say hello." "Maybe catch up." "I was actually on my way out." "I should have called first." "You're busy with work and..." "No, I just..." "Repo Man is playing at the Sunshine." "You know how I love my Harry Dean Stanton." " Playing hooky." " Yeah, don't tell anyone." "Not if you take me with you." " You wanna go to Repo Man?" " Yeah." "As I recall, we went to Repo Man once, and you walked out." "Well, that was 20 years ago." " And you stole my soda." " Well, I'll buy you another." "All right." "Let's go to Repo Man." "Hi." "My name's Blair." "You're new." " Hi, I'm..." " Oh, that's not important." " We'd like to invite you to lunch." " That's really sweet but I'm already..." " We know." "Dan Humphrey, bad idea." "It could be hazardous to your health." "Social, emotional." " Even physical." "Ouch!" "Besides, boyfriends are so much less reliable than girlfriends." "We look out for each other." " What do you say?" "Blair." " What's going on?" " This is Amanda." " She'll be joining us for lunch." " Blair." "For your own good, S. They were going to lunch together." "Lunch." "As in the meal before dating." "Is that what you want?" "Exactly." "Would you grab my stick?" "I seem to have dropped it." "Lady Catherine is unavailable." " Care to leave a message?" " If I could leave this for her I'm sure she'll get it." "Can I just...?" "Very well." " She's not coming." "Amanda." " What are you talking about?" "She met some new friends." "They extended an invitation." "Hockey sticks were involved." "You know how persuasive our girls can be." "Okay, but why?" "Well, if they anoint Amanda into their fold, she'll be bound by their laws." "Namely, she won't be allowed to date ex-boyfriends." " Namely you." " Serena wouldn't do that." "Prove me wrong." "Vanessa, hey." "No." "Sorry, I can't right now." "What kind of emergency?" " This is wrong." " Eating here?" "I know." " The Met steps are under construction." " No, Blair." "I mean..." "Amanda?" "Amanda." " We have a few ground rules here." " For lunch?" "Now that we're all friends, you should know that dating someone's ex is frowned upon." "For instance, Serena and Dan used to..." " Oh." "I didn't know." " That's what friends are for." " But now you know." " You understand." "Pretty sure." "Yeah." "Pretty sure?" "Hey, Amanda." "Would you mind getting some gelato?" "There's a cart right out there on the street." "My treat." "I don't like this, B, and I'm not gonna do it." "I'm gonna go find Dan and apologize." "It's for your own good, S." "So this is...?" " Yep." " And they're about to...?" " Left before kickoff, but yep." " God, why can't I look away?" " Seriously." " What about Nate?" "You gonna tell him?" " How can I?" " He would most likely freak out." " No question about that." "I can't confront Catherine." "The butler will remember me." "And she'll drop the dime on the captain." "It's my only chance to talk like that." "How can I use this to get Nate off the hook?" "I mean, what do I do?" "Well, you're not gonna like it." " Blair." " Blair?" " Mm-hm." " I can't trust Blair." "Well, maybe not." "But Google "revenge," you get BlairWaldorf. com." "She helped me with Georgina." "She'll know what to do." "And when she sees this photo, she will be plenty motivated to do it." " So I have to show this to Blair?" " Wear protective padding when you do." "But yeah." "Look, V, I gotta go." "There's this thing with Serena." "Everything okay?" "Um..." "Yeah, well, we'll see." "Dan, hey." "I want to apologize." " And that answers my question." " Blair invited her to lunch, not me." " But you were there at lunch?" " Yeah, but I left and I told Blair to stop." "So you were part of it and then had second thoughts?" " Dan, I'm trying to apologize." " Really?" "Because it sounds like you're just trying to rationalize." "It's just, we knew that this would be awkward, you know?" "I just assumed that it would be more of a sad awkward and not this competitive awkward." "I didn't think you'd enlist backup." " Is that what you think I'm doing?" " You tell me." "If I have lunch with someone else, are Blair's minions gonna break her fingers?" "Just so you know, if this were a competition I wouldn't need Blair and her posse to win." "Hey." "Hey." "Aren't you supposed to not be talking to me or you'll be shunned or something?" " I don't like bullies." "Oh." "So my question, what are we doing tonight?" "I'm so sorry, Blair." "Like I said, Catherine knows where the captain is." "She threatened to expose him if I ever took Nate away from her." " But with this, I was hoping you might..." " Who else knows?" " What?" " Who's seen this?" "Dan." "Just Dan." "If you or Humphrey ever breathe a word of this one word, to anyone, you'll regret it for the rest of your lives." "You understand?" "I just want Nate free from Catherine." "I don't want him or anyone else finding out about this." "Good." "I'll take care of it." "I'm trusting you, Blair." "Like you have a choice." "So are you sure you wanna eat here?" "Because this is..." " I'm thinking this is not a great idea." " Why?" "Everyone comes here." "Dan, it's time to send a message." "I am not sharing my lump crab." "Check it out." "What Dan Humphrey does with the other serfs in the village is his business." "But when he brings his new maiden to court..." "I can't believe he brought her here." "...it's a declaration of war." "Sound the trumpets, strumpets." "What were you thinking?" "I was sleeping." "No, I'm talking about you and Hannah Montana on Gossip Girl." " No, her name's Amanda." " Oh, her name's Amanda." "Do you have any idea what you're doing?" "Not only is it social suicide, it's mean." "Do you think Serena deserves to be treated like this?" "No, look, she started it with this girl mafia." "Forget about them." "You need to talk to her." "Apologize before it's too late." "Chuck." "Boundaries." "Get out." "Good morning to you too." "I had Margaurite make you something." "I missed you at STK last night." "Mom and I had a girls' movie night." "She made me watch Paris, Texas." "She kept talking about how amazing Harry Dean Stanton was." "Well, I just wanted to make sure you got your breakfast and the morning headlines." "Especially this one." "Vanessa?" "What are you doing here?" " Believe it or not, looking for Blair." " Why?" "What has she done?" "Nothing that I can tell." "That's the problem." "She won't return any of my calls." "Is there any way you can find out where she is?" "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important." "He was so cute to me." "Yeah." " Are you lost?" " I'm looking for Blair." "She took the morning off." "She's having brunch at Centolire." " I'm sure she wouldn't want to see you." " Well, thanks." "Oh, Little J?" "Just because we've been ignoring you doesn't mean we've forgotten." "You can't hide out at Eleanor Waldorf's atelier anymore." "Your day will come." "We're just picking our moment." "See?" "She's awful." " Serena." " This is how you wanna handle it?" "Using another girl to embarrass me in front of my friends?" "Was that sending a message, Dan?" "That phrase might have been used but..." "I can't believe you would do that." "Look, I know." "And I'm sorry." "I was wrong." "Yes, you were." "I would never try to humiliate you like that." "No, but you would try to coerce a girl not to go out with me in the first place." "Fine." " Tonight." "The three of us." " Okay." " What?" " Look you're gonna date people." "I'm gonna date people." "We can let everyone tell us how we should be jealous and compete or we can deal with it and try to preserve a little of our friendship." "So you, me and Amanda are having a date?" "I'd rather you not put it that way, but yes." " Eight o'clock." " Yeah." "Eight o'clock." "Okay." "This shouldn't be weird at all." "I can't wait for you to join us at Markworth for the holidays." "Snow on the grounds, crackling fire, just the two of us under the stars." "Sure it won't be awkward?" "Awkward?" "How?" "Juggling two women under one roof?" "You are sleeping with Catherine, right?" "Or do you prefer "Mom"?" " I can explain." " Hooking up with your dad's second wife?" "I thought my family was twisted, but you people take the cake." "It's only happened a few times." "And I put a stop to it when I met you." "I really opened myself up to you." " Can't we still...?" " Oh, please." "I just wanna get through this without throwing up." "Get through what, exactly?" "I got your message." "What's going on here?" " Take a seat." " I beg your pardon?" "Oh, no, not yet." "But you will." " What do you want?" "Let's talk about your exit strategy." "Lady Catherine is not in." "I'm actually looking to speak to her husband." "There's something he needs to see." "Harris hated him." "He called Rilke the Mitch Albom of the 19th century." " Rilke?" " Rainer Maria Rilke?" "Letters to a Young Poet?" "Yeah, I gave it to her, but she never read it." "Though she never read Tuesdays With Morrie either." "This coming from a man who does his best writing sloshed at a pub." " When did you start writing in a pub?" " No, not me." " Harris." " Oh." "You know what?" "I'm gonna go get another round." " Okay." "Another soda?" " Belvedere martini, two olives, please." " Doing okay, S?" " I will be." "So don't be mad, but we may have something that'll cheer you up." "Several somethings, actually." "Serena, this is Jenns, captain of the Dalton lacrosse team." "Can I buy you a drink?" "Um..." "How about next one?" "Even the most chivalrous knight is not above a little romantic retaliation." "Turns out Lonely Boy is a worthy opponent." "And it's time for S to bring in the cavalry." "Wild horses couldn't keep us away." "This guy attacks the crease, and he fakes left." "I faked left." "He faked right." "Then I faked right and then, wham." " Whoo." " Just laid him out." " Wow." "Amazing." " Yeah, fascinating story." "Better than the one when you faked right and then left and hit him." "Dan's not a big sports guy." "Yeah, I can see that." "Yeah, he likes poets." "And letters to poets." "I'm gonna use the ladies' room." "You know what?" "I need another drink." " I'll do this again." " Okay." "Okay." "Smoking hot." "Is this your great peace plan?" "You invite me out to rub lacrosse guy in my face?" " I didn't plan this." " Yeah, I'm sure." " I thought it was okay to date people." "Well, you certainly picked a winner." "Well, he's fun, non-neurotic." "I thought that'd be a nice change." " That's classy, Serena." "Thanks." " Classy?" "Like you asking another girl out our first day back at school?" " We were broken up." " So what, Dan?" "It hurt." "What did you expect?" "I loved you." "And just because we broke up doesn't mean I can just turn it off like that." "All right." "Um..." "Maybe we should stay away from each other for a while." "Yeah, you're right." "You and Amanda should probably go." " Are you ordering me to leave?" " Consider it a suggestion." "Why should I go, Dan?" "These are my friends here." "And it's not exactly your kind of place." "Fine." "Cashing out so soon, Humphrey?" " You really should wear a bell." " Kinky." "I'll think about it." "I hope you're not leaving." "You're about to see the real Serena." "I've seen enough." "Not by half." "Hey, Blair." "What was so important that we couldn't discuss over the phone?" "Well, I have some good news and some bad news." "The bad news is that Catherine is a lying, manipulating whore who's sleeping with her stepson." " What?" "Catherine and Marcus?" "I know." "It's hard to picture." "I have photos, if you'd like to take a look." "I'm sorry." "The good news is I convinced them both to leave town." " How did you even...?" " That's not even the best part." "We made a deal." "I promised to keep my mouth shut and she agreed to pay off the captain's restitution." "Congratulations, Archibald." "Welcome back to your old life." "Look, I don't know..." "Wait." "Hold that non-thought." "Catherine, whatever it is, just spare me." "What do you mean?" "Vanessa talked to the duke?" "No, I told her to stay out of this." "Okay." "Maybe I only have bad news." "Serena's not thinking straight." "She's making this about Dan." " The new girl defied you." " What would you suggest?" "Ninth grade." "The Danish exchange student who kept flirting with your junior-prom date?" "You still remember how to serve a Nair-tini, don't you?" "Lily." "What are you doing here?" "Serena and I were supposed to have movie night, but she canceled." "I thought..." " Pretty in Pink." " It's only a supporting role but Harry Dean Stanton is excellent." "It's 9:00 at night." "Oh, well, I guess I should have called but I just thought I'd take a chance..." " Lily." " What are you doing here?" " I don't know." "Um..." "Bart is in Beijing doing business, as he did most of our trip." "The kids are living their own lives." "And my life is in an empty house or in a crowded restaurant." "And I don't know which one makes me feel more alone." "I need a friend." "That's why I came to see you yesterday." "I'm sorry, Lily." "I really am." "But I can't be your friend." "Yesterday reminded me how easy it is to fall back into old patterns." "I can't be your safety net anymore." "It's not fair." "You made your choice to be Mrs. Bass." "You need to go do that." "We both need you to go do that." " Rufus." "Sorry I'm late." " Hey." " Clare, this is Lily." " Nice to meet you." "Okay." "This used to be your favorite." "Nate, it's Vanessa again." "Call me." "We need to talk." "It's important." "What did I tell you?" "I told you to do nothing." "What, was that too difficult?" " I thought I'd leave doing nothing to you." " I was taking care of it." "How?" "By having a romantic lunch with your boyfriend?" "You were so scared of anyone finding out who your boyfriend was screwing, you were willing to screw Nate." "Catherine's husband promised that the captain would be safe." "It's over." "You know what I think?" "I think I got Catherine to agree to pay the Archibald debts and leave town in exchange for my silence." "Nate was about to have his old life back until you went to the duke." "He put them on a plane to London an hour ago." "So you're right." "It is over for Nate." "Thanks to you." "Are you really going to do this?" "Yes." "Why should Serena be the one pulling her hair out?" "Oopsie." "Look at what I've done." "Oh, God, my hair." "This is awful." "It's just extensions." "What?" "Is her hair coming out?" "What's wrong?" "She's freaking out." " It's her hair." "It's gross." "Oh, God." "Amanda." "Hey." "Amanda, wait." "No, Dan." "Just leave me alone." " Dan." "I'm so sorry." "Is she okay?" " No, don't." "Don't what?" "I didn't plan this." "It just happened." "That's the Serena van der Woodsen mantra, isn't it?" "No fault." "No responsibility." "Things just happen." "You used to tell me people couldn't see the real you." "Maybe you're the one who can't see yourself." "From where I'm standing, this is who you are." " Is that what you think of me?" " Yeah." "Yeah, it is." "At least they own up to it." "Maybe it's time you did too." "Spotted:" "A beautiful blond phoenix rising from the ashes of a major public humiliation." "Never again." "From now on, everything goes through me." "Welcome back, Queen Serena." "Consider us your humble servants." "Because if looks could kill, we wouldn't wanna be Dan Humphrey." "Nate." " What are you doing here?" " I came to apologize." "I didn't know what Blair was doing with the deal and the money and..." "You think I care about the money?" "I mean, I asked you point-blank if anything was wrong." " And you lied to me." " I had to." " I didn't know what to do." " So you confided in Dan?" "I mean, Blair?" "Really?" "Everyone but me." " I gotta get to school." " So that's it?" " We can't even be friends?" " Well, we were never friends, remember?" "Hey, Jenny." " What are you doing here so early?" " Avoiding you." "Hard to believe, I know." "You know what I find hard to believe?" "This handbag." "Belongs in the trash, where you probably found it." " Don't." " Oh, right." "There may be stuff in here that you need." " Here you go." " Seriously?" "That's the best you guys can do?" "I was expecting a little more now that you're seniors." "Our methods may lack imagination, but they're very effective especially over a long period of time." "Hey, Amanda, it's me, Dan." "Dan again." "Sorry to be calling so early." "Look, I'm really sorry about last night." "If it matters at all, I don't think it was Serena even though I blamed her pretty harshly." "Anyway, call me." "Getting my hair burned off was not part of the deal." "Casualties of war." "You wanted me to pretend to like this guy so he could make his ex-girlfriend jealous?" "Jealousy is a powerful emotion." "I had to create a monster if I was going to dethrone a queen." "Why do you care who's queen of the high school?" "I have my reasons." "By the way I hear you're going to boarding school in Vermont." "Something to keep you warm." "You have the day off?" "What holiday is it?" "Women's Suffrage Day." " So why are you wearing your uniform?" " Because I forgot." "It's almost Fashion Week." "There has to be something." "Well, the work tables are a mess." "Eleanor can't find half her patterns." " Why don't you do that?" " Okay." "Blair, where were you yesterday?" " I was home." "Just taking care of..." " Serena." " Where are we going tonight?" "The Dalton guys keep texting us." "Hey." "I left you four messages." "You okay?" "Yeah." "I wasn't feeling well." "Oh." "You poor thing." "I actually have to get the assignments I missed yesterday." "Of course." "We'll see you later." "Well, well." "Look who's back on top." "I wonder how that happened." "Wait." "Now that I think of it, I know exactly how that happened." "Hey, have you seen Serena this morning?" "Let's get out of here." "Sorry, Lonely Boy." "Don't say we didn't try to warn you." "But if Queen S will do this to D, are any of us safe?" "Bow down or bow out." "x O x O, Gossip Girl."