""Ecran" corporation presents" ""HELLO, I AM YOUR AUNT"" "after B.Thomas's play "Charley's Aunt"" "HAROLD LLOYD, FAVOURITE OF FORTUNE AND A NICE GUY" "BABS BABERLEY A.KALIAGIN" "MAX LINDER, KING OF THE SCREEN" "THE UNPARALLELED MARLENE DIETRICH, THE RISING STAR" "THE GREAT CHARLEY CHAPLIN" ""HEARTS AND PEARLS OR THE LOST LOVE OF THE IDLE LIZARD"" "BUSTER KEATON" " A COMEDIAN WITHOUT A SMILE" ""Put it back"" ""Donna Rosa d'Alvadores, the famous Brazilian millionaire, a one hundred percent Englishwoman!" (T.NOSOVA)" ""Donna Rosa d'Alvadores has no children." "Her only heir is her nephew Charley Wakem!"" ""A former housekeeper has become a millionaire?" "!"" ""ELLA DELAY, Donna Rosa's pupil" T.VEDENEEVA" "Brasset!" "BRASSET, A MANSERVANT V.GAFT" "Yes, Sir?" " Have you handed the letter over?" " Yes, Sir." "Then make breakfast and be quick about it!" " For how many people, Sir?" " For..." "For five people." "And mind you, breakfast must be ready at one o'clock sharp." "That is absolutely impossible, because now it is half past twelve." "Brasset, breakfast must be ready at 1 o'clock, otherwise I am not paying you your salary." " What wine shall I serve?" " Champaign, naturally." "But there is just a little left." "How do you mean a little?" "Only yesterday there were 6 bottles." " No, just four." " But yesterday there were 6 of them, Brasset." "See for yourself:" "one, two, three, four." "So, where are the remaining two bottles?" "Oh, Brasset, Brasset." "Sir?" "What?" "!" "Thanks." "JACKY CHESNEY O.SHKLOVSKY" "Daddy!" "Welcome home, Daddy!" " Jacky!" " How was the trip?" " My brother and your uncle is dead..." " Good God." "...He left us nothing but debts." "We are ruined." " That's what I expected." " Don't loose heart, my boy." "I hope to find a nice job for you somewhere in India or some other colony." "I presume that in some 20-30 years you will be able to make a fortune there." "COLONEL FRANCIS CHESNEY (M.KOZAKOV)" " That'll take too long, Daddy." " Wait a moment." "I have an idea." " What is it?" "The only thing that could help us in our predicament is a marriage to a rich bride." "Really?" "In half an hour my friend's aunt will be here." " Marry her, Daddy." " Me?" "!" "Me?" "Marry?" "For a second time?" "No, no, no." "That's out of the question." "But Daddy, she is a widow!" "Besides, she is a millionaire." "And perhaps no quite ugly." " Yes?" " Jacky, listen to me..." " Oh!" "Meet my friend Charley Wakem." " My father, Colonel Francis Chasney." " Glad to meet you." "This is her nephew." "CHARLEY WAKEM M.LYUBEZNOV" " Are you sure she is a millionaire?" " 24 carat gold." " Glad to meet you." " Well, let us no waste time." "Daddy, you've got to change." "Look out!" "Yes..." "And don't forget to put a flower into the buttonhole." "And as far as the millions are concerned..." "Read this." "Very pleased." "What?" "A catastrophe!" "Keep calm." "Dear Charley." "Full stop." "Held back on important business." "Full stop." "Donna Rosa d'Alvadores." "Full stop." "We are lost." "Full stop." "Quiet!" "Keep calm!" "Only keep calm." " What are we to do?" " Damn it!" "She has to be here today, otherwise all our plans don't work." "And still there is no Aunty." "And tomorrow Annie will be taken to Scotland." "And Betty too." "Jacky, in spite of it all she has come!" "We are saved." "Auntie!" "Excuse me, how come this lady is here?" "Get lost, you fool!" "Only real millionaires come in this way!" " Formidable!" " Incredible!" "Glad to here you and now Good bye." " What?" "Where are you going?" " Auntie, and what about breakfast?" " No, thank you, I am very busy." " But breakfast will be charming." "My father will be here any minute." "He dreams of meeting you!" " Your father?" " Yes." "A charming man, a widower and a colonel." "A charming colonel?" "No, I am leaving." "But Auntie, the colonel is such a nice old fellow!" "An old fellow?" "But I court only the young, on principle!" " Auntie, you are so witty." " But there will be young people at breakfast too." " No, no..." "Are they interesting?" " Yes, very!" "Well, that's different." "How many of them?" " Two." " Two girls." " Two?" "Now everything is clear." " What is clear?" "Each of you will court a nice girl, ...and I'll get some nice old guy." "With all my respect, no." "Excuse me, Sir, the messenger has brought a reply." "They'll be here any minute." "Quiet!" "My dear, please, hand me my suitcase." "Quiet, only quiet." "Auntie, dear, the trouble is we haven't told you everything as yet." " The thing is we are in love." " What?" "You too?" "Do you understand?" "Yes." "And that is serious." " Have you made your feelings known already?" " No." "You want me to do it for you?" " No, we'll do it ourselves." " Yes." "You see, Auntie the trouble is that Annie and Betty's guardian doesn't allow them to see us." " But why?" "You are serious about your feelings, aren't you?" " That's exactly what he is afraid of, because he doesn't want to part with the money of his rich heiresses!" " What a monster." " Yes." "Auntie, talk to him." " Help us, I entreat you, Auntie." " Help us!" " What is this natural phenomenon called?" " Judge Krigs." "Judge?" ".." "Where is my suitcase?" "Thank you, dear." "What a heartless woman." "You don't know what true love is, Aunt." "You can't be more mistaken." "You can't be." "Didn't my sadness strike you?" " No." " Oh..." "Yes, of course." "Oh yes." "Well, is this feeling really so immense and deep?" "Very deep." "Like an ocean!" "I'll even give up drinking." " Poor soul." " I sympathize with you." "It is the tragedy of my life." "I've met the best human being on earth." "The moment I wanted to tell him..." "her about this..." "Then suddenly!" ".." "Sir, there are policemen in the hall." "They want to know if a man dressed as a woman has come into our house." "What nonsense!" "What are you talking about?" "Get rid of them this minute!" " They won't leave, Sir." " What do you mean they won't leave?" " The Constable wants to inspect the house." " What the hell!" "All right." "Tell them to wait." "Brasset is always displeased with something." "Auntie, you don't drink, do you." "Sir, there are two ladies." "I saw them into your room." " Oh please, my boy." " Yes, I am sorry." "How did this sir get in here?" "Yes, that is curious." "Amazing!" "That's some Aunt!" " Oh!" " Quiet." "All right..." "Quiet." "Brasset!" "Fetch a razor, some soap hot water." "Quick." " Yes, sir." "I warn you I won't give up easily." "ANNIE T.VASILIEVA" "BETTY G.ORLOVA" "Not in the face!" "Look out!" "Stand back!" "OK." "Is everything quiet?" "Constable, this way." "This way, please." "Jin, brandy, rum?" " I am at work, Sir." " That means whiskey." " We've got to discuss some very important business." " Yes, Sir." "Follow me, quick!" "Donna Rosa d'Alvadores." "Miss Annie, Miss Betty." "Let me give you these flowers." "You must be tired after the trip." "Crossing the ocean is no joke." "You've absolutely got to have a rest." "Brasset, you may go." "Yes, Sir." "What a nice day it is today!" " Oh, the weather today is really exceptional." " Yes, absolutely." "I hope you've already got used to our climate?" " To your climate?" " Yes." "I understand you'll be spending the whole day with us, won't you?" "Oh no, no, Auntie is very busy today." "Yeah." "I've got to do a lot of washing today." "Auntie..." "Antie meant that tonight she was going to brainwash her housekeeper." "Yes." "You are so kind to Charley." "You'll be like a mother to him." "Where are you going?" "Go to Auntie!" "To Auntie!" "My Goodness, he looks so much like my dead brother." "I love you and treasure you so much." "You would love and treasure me even more, my baby, ...if you got to know me closer." "I swear I'll deserve your love." "Jacky..." "My God, I can't." "Donna Rosa... me too." "I'll take the liberty, Sir his excellency Judge Krigs inquires if his pupils are here." " You must get rid of him!" " Of whom?" "Of him." "Of the Judge." "Be quick!" "Damn." "I've got to run!" ".." "Let go!" "Betty, what are you doing?" "Ah!" ".." "Where are the lousy girls?" "I'll show them!" "Bastard!" "What did you say?" "JUDGE KRIGS A.JIGARHANIAN" " What do you want?" " I've got to see the owner of the house." "Well-educated people never talk to ladies with their hat on." "Oh, I am so upset." "Are you really so upset that you allow yourself to remain seated while I am standing?" "You have no respect for women, do you." "What a scoundrel!" "I've got to see Mr. Cheshey this minute." " He is not here." " Really?" "And the two girls that are in my care?" " There is only one girl..." " Oh really?" "Me!" "What?" "And so far I haven't entrusted you with looking after me." "My lady, you are mistaken." "The servant saw that those two girls entered this house." "He did!" "Then he didn't notice how they left." " No." " Yes." " No." " Yes." " No." " Yes." "I saw it!" "I saw it myself!" " Where are they then?" " What if they are home already?" "I'll leave now, madam, but if I don't find them at home I'll be back." "Oh what shall I do with you!" "Aren't you ashamed of frightening a weak woman?" "Oh what shall I do with you!" " Are you drunk?" " No." " Yes, you are." " I am not drunk." " Yes, you are!" " I am not drunk." "You are drunk." "Yes you are!" "Yes you..." "Get out of here this moment!" "Drunkard!" "What's the matter?" "Quiet." "Jacky?" "Oh, Charley!" "Charley!" "Charley!" "Sir..." "Sir Francis Chesney!" "Quiet." "It's my father." "Pray, be nice to him." "Good God, kinship again." "Is he another of my relatives?" "Idiot!" "You are from Brazil where in the forests there are lots of wild monkeys." "Oh." "Daddy, dear, you are just on time." "Let me introduce you." "Miss Anny." "Miss Betty." "Daddy, let me introduce you to our famous guest." "Donna Rosa D'Alvadores." " Colonel Francis Cheshey." " Pleased to meet you." "You know, I'm Charley's aunt, I am from Brazil where in the forests there are lots of wild monkeys." "Oh yes." "How are you, sir Francis?" "Thank you, Donna Rosa, excellent." " Is she really a millionaire?" " Daddy." "You know, Colonel, my nephew said a lot of good things about you." " Idiot." "You've never seen me before!" " He wrote about you in every letter." "In other words he wrote a lot of good things about you in every letter." "Funny, it's only today that I had the honour of meeting Mr. Wakem." "But daddy, I've been telling Charley so much about you, that he knows and loves you." "Ah, I'm so pleased, so pleased." "You've come to England only today and today is the first time that you saw Mr. Charley!" "Ah, what the hell." "Dinner is ready." " Donna Rosa, let me offer you my arm." " Thanks." " Please." " Thank you." "With pleasure, my Francis." "Francis?" "Did she say Francis?" "Looks like it's working." "Auntie, let me treat you to a small piece of roast beef." "Thank you, my friend, thank you." "Only the piece can be a bit bigger." "Give me more." "I mean more garnish." "Oh, what a nice rose!" "Please, take it as a present from an enchanted admirer." " Please." " Thanks!" "You are so amiable, Francis." "Again." "She fell in love with me at first sight." " Brasset!" " Give me everything." "See to it that there is champagne for our guests." " Has it disappeared?" " Yes, dear, the champagne." "Oh, what luck, you know I've brought a couple of bottles with me." "Brasset, go find them in the hall." "Gentlemen, I..." "Daddy, the respected judge Krigs has arrived." "I am honoured, sir, to see you honour in my house." "Well, I am not honoured to see my honour in your house." "That's how you spend time while I am away?" "ls it?" " But sir..." " Shut up!" ".." " Just a moment, we must explain everything to you." " I'll hear no explanations." "Stop shouting!" "You tire me." "What?" "!" "What?" "!" "What did you say?" "!" "Arrogant bastard." " Governess!" " What?" "!" " Sir, that is unacceptable." " What?" "!" "Do you think I'll be afraid of your uniform?" "There are ladies here." "And one of them is a pretty important lady!" " Is that you?" " Exactly!" "Old... old witch!" " What?" " Yes!" "What?" "What did he say?" "Did you here that?" " My Goodness!" "Did you here that?" "Me an old witch!" " Yes, yes!" "I can't bear this." "Sir, take you words back this minute." "No way." "She lied to me!" "She said they were not here." "But believe me, these girls have come here with the only intention of being introduced to the aunt." "What?" "!" "Don't make me laugh!" "What sort of an aunt is she?" "Just look at her face." "Auntie." "I am sure that you'll change you opinion when you learn that the name of this lady is Donna Rosa d'Alvadores." "What?" "!" "I'm Charley's Aunt, I am from Brazil where in the forests there are lots of wild monkeys." "Dead." "The world-famous millionaire." "It was my childhood dream to get married to her." "What have I done?" ".." "Thank you very much." "Madam, madam, I, I can't control my ecstasy at seeing you." "How could I make such a mistake!" "How?" "No, execute me." "Execute." "I deserve to be executed!" "Just execute me!" "Make him beg for forgiveness and allow him to stay for breakfast." "Madam, madam." "You words were a deadly insult to me, but I like arrogant men." "If you succeed in begging me to forgive you, I'll let you live." "Madam, I'll beg for forgiveness till the end of my days." " Madam!" " Get up." "Get up, I am not rancorous." "Moreover I allow you to stay for breakfast with us." "You are an angel!" "Having breakfast with you!" "As a sign of reconciliation I give you this flower." "Oh, Madam!" "Donna Rosa, please." "Donna Rosa, please." "Thank you." " What?" " Thank you." " A rival?" " Quiet, quiet." "No, I'm not going to give in." " Please, madam." " You are so amiable." " Please..." " What is it?" " Please." " Oh please, madam." "Donna Rosa, please." "Please, Donna Rosa." "Thank you, gentlemen." "What is it?" "I smell my cigars." " Don't you, Brasset?" " No, I don't." " You may go." " Yes, Sir." "Oh, Charley, is everything all right?" "Is it?" "Listen, get lost, quick." "But wait a moment, I have a date with Miss Anny right here." " Charley, you can't, that's not the right time and place." " Yes, right here." " What, again?" " No way." "Get lost yourself." "What?" "!" "Quiet." " Mr. Chesney!" " Mr. Wakem!" "Mr. Chesney!" "Mr. Wakem!" "Mr. Chesney!" "Mr. Chesney!" "Darling." "Mr. Wakem." "Oh, Annie." "What an unexpected meeting." "Oh, you are not alone?" "Yes, as you can see." "We are not alone?" "Oh." "Betty, every man in the course of his life has fatal moments when he pitilessly severs all ties with his past and at the same time with a trembling hand he unveils the mysterious future." "Is it clear?" "No, rather vague." "I am so glad to see you, Miss Annie." "I must have a very serious talk with you." "What about?" "Probably some nonsense?" "Yes..." "I mean, no." "Well, I mean..." "Please, speak quicker, we don't have much time." "I hate unnecessary words too and so I'll start from the most important thing." "You see, Miss Annie, every man in the course of his life has fatal moments when he pitilessly severs all ties with his past and at the same time with a trembling hand he unveils the mysterious future." " Yes, of course." " Explain, please." " Explain what?" "It's very vague." "But Betty, it's so simple." "The mysterious veil over the future..." " It is..." " What is it?" " It is..." " It is?" " It is..." " It is?" " It is..." " It is?" " It is..." " It is?" " It is, Betty..." " It is?" "A bird." " Mommy, mommy!" " Mommy." " Mommy!" " Mommy." "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "mommy!" "Jacky!" "Jacky, sonny..." "Oh, pardon, madam." "Damn." "Son, congratulate me, I've taken the decision." "I don't understand." "Just say it." "As you please." "To provide for you and save the prestige of our family I've decided to get married to a rich woman." " Oh, congratulations." "I am glad you've found the friend of your life, worthy of you and our ancestors." "Is she young and pretty?" "She is no longer young and not at all pretty." "But she is very very rich." "And that is the most important thing at the moment." " You are right, dad." "Who is this lady?" " You know her." " That's curious." "Me, dad?" " You pleaded with me to get married to her." "I am intrigued, dad." "What is her name?" "Donna Rosa d'Aladores." " I say, Jacky..." " What?" "His behavior is absolutely indecent." "Taking advantage of the fact that he is a man..." "I mean a woman he walks with my Annie in the most intimate parts of the garden and tenderly embraces her." "Nonsense." "I am in real trouble." "What?" "Is some one ill?" "Yes, my poor dad." "What's wrong with him?" "Where is he?" " In his room." " Oh." " And what is he doing there?" " Drinking champagne to get brave." "A very queer illness, Jacky, a very queer one." " He decided to propose to her!" " To whom?" "To whom?" "To this rascal your aunt!" "Good gracious!" "What a plight." "It was all your idea!" " My?" "!" " Yours!" " It was you who confused me!" "You and your nasty aunt!" " Me?" "!" "You said me?" "!" " You totally confused me!" " And who shaved her?" " Who?" " Who shaved her?" " I'd rather have killed her!" " Yes, you'd better have killed her." "What is the matter?" "What a brute!" "Betty, you are heavy." "You are heavy, Betty." "You are..." "End of part one." ""HELLO, I AM YOUR AUNT!"" "PART TWO" "Oh, oh!" " You frightened me so!" "You..." " Quiet!" " You have no conscience, you brute, do you?" " I am so ashamed." "I am bashful, you know." "Cut it out!" "You are supposed to be helping us, and you are..." " Am I not helping you?" " What a strange way to help." "Instead of keeping the old folk at bay you seduce the girls!" "Prepare for the worst." "Oh, you frighten me, I am a nervous woman!" " Listen." " Yes?" " My dad is going to get married." " Very well." "To whom?" " To you, you scoundrel!" " That's too much." "Stop fooling around!" "He'll propose to you and you'll refuse him flat." " It's very simple." " That's not easy." " It's very simple!" " No, that's not easy." " It's very simple!" " That's not easy!" "I don't know the rules of refusing ardent admirers!" "Besides, widows are not in the habit of refusing." "Oh, pardon me, pardon." "Jacky, son, leave us alone." "I am happy to see you, Donna Rosa." "Oh, you are such a sweet man." "That's quite something!" "She is flirting with me, that's obvious." "I must begin a resolute assault." "But first the laws of tactics require artillery preparation." "Donna Rosa!" "Donna Rosa, I am an old soldier and I do not know the terms of love." "But when I first saw you, Donna Rosa, ...I felt like a fatigued wayfarer that at the end of his life's path beheld a tender... violet in the sun-flooded field, Donna Rosa a tender violet." "Was that smart?" "I seem to start guessing." "Can it be that the tender violet is me?" "You've found my secret out, Donna Rosa." "Get lost with all your secrets." " Naughty boy!" " The fortress is about to fall." "Take heart, Colonel." "Donna Rosa, pray tell me, what can quench the thirst of a fatigued wayfarer?" " A glass of whiskey." " I'd love to." "Oh no, Donna Rosa, I don't mean material pleasure." "Tell me, Donna Rosa, can a fatigued wayfarer at the end of his life's path press this very tender violet to his long-suffering heart?" "Donna Rosa!" "But won't this fragrant violet leave me for some one else, ...like my first poor flower did?" "That was my little joke." "I am so mischievous!" " Old witch." " Old dunce." " Donna Rosa, forgive an old wayfarer for the direct question." " Yes please." "Will you agree to become the mistress of his heart?" "Your proposal is so extraordinary." "I mean, no one has ever proposed anything like that to me." "But you were married weren't you." " Oh yes, I forgot!" " Don't torment me, my queen." "Just whisper in my ear if a ray of hope shall shine for me." "Sorry to say, my poor wayfarer, this ray will not shine." "What, you refuse my love?" "I can't do otherwise." "My heart does not belong to me." "You know, I..." "I can't bear to see you unhappy." "I offer you my sincere, tender friendship." " Mere friendship?" " Yes." "I'll be you little loving sister." "I've long dreamt of such a sweet charming brother." "You have just signed my death warrant." "But I won't lose hope." " Believe me, hope is a beautiful feeling." " But love is still more beautiful." " Fatty." " Oh stop it." "My heart is broken forever." "The old witch is in love with this scoundrel Krigs." "No, no, no, I don't believe him." "It's not me he loves..." "It's my millions." "How dared you torture my farther like that?" "Do you know who you are?" " Do you know who you are?" " Please, be polite." "I can't stand harsh language." "I hope you heard how your father called me?" "I heard everything!" "I heard everything!" " Tender fragrant violet..." " In the sun-flooded field." "Oh, I did like this love talk." "But why didn't you brute refuse at once?" "!" "You don't understand a thing." "I had to torture him a bit." "That's how decent women act." "My God!" "I wish you knew what nasty things he keeps telling me." "A decent woman wouldn't stand that for five minutes." "Is he going to do the same?" "The butler said he went to his friend's." "It must be here." "But there is no one there." "Francis Chesney's house." "This name reminds me of that far-away park and my first love." "When did it happen, aunt?" "Oh, it was many years ago, before I went to Brazil." "Once at the ball he almost decided to propose to me." "But he got shy and fell silent." "And the next morning he was sent off to some distant colony." "And we never once saw each other again." " What was his name?" " Francis Chesney." "Just think of it, some Chesney lives in this house too." "Chesney?" "I am at your service, madam." "Really?" "This name..." "Excuse me, but do you happen to know a lieutenant Francis Chesney?" "Some time ago I was this lieutenant, madam." "Let me introduce myself." "Colonel Francis Chesney, at your service." "That's him." "You don't recognize me?" "No." "But I hope you haven't forgotten the day of your departure for South Africa?" "No." "Do you remember what happened the previous evening?" " I was at the ball." " And what were you saying there?" "Yes, yes, yes..." "Yes, yes." "That's you." "That's you." "What an unexpected meeting." "Very pleased, madam." " Very please." " Me too." "You know, madam, today my son - I have a grown-up son - ...or more precisely, his friend is having a big holiday on the occasion of the arrival of his aunt." "His aunt?" "Has she arrived already?" " Yes, straight from Brazil." " From Brazil?" "Funny." " What's her name?" " Donna Rosa d'Alvadores." " What's going on here?" " I don't understand." "Am I right to understand that Donna Rosa is here already?" "Yes, since early morning." "And you?" "Do you know this lady?" "No, but I've heard a lot about her." " Haven't I, Ella?" " Yes, but..." " Let me introduce to you Miss Ella Delay, my pupil." " Very pleased." "As a matter of fact you haven't changed a bit, miss..." "Miss Thompson." " But Aunt..." " Keep silent." "Not a word more." "We are at your service, Colonel." "Real horse race." "Steeplechase." "No one but your aunt..." "In the whole world there is only one person who can help us." "That's Donna Rosa." " Get out, you bloody pig." " Get out, I tell you." "I won't." "This Don Juan had the arrogance to..." " What?" " What?" "What did you say?" "It's not time yet." "You wouldn't have melted." "My young friend, don't you happen to know where the incomparable Donna Rosa is?" "And may be, may be..." "And what about you?" "You wanted to let your friends down at such a moment?" "How could you?" "How could you?" "Traitor!" " I am thirsty." " Here." "That's the price of his friendship, Jacky." "And now, when you can save us When our fate is in your hands as well as the fate of two poor girls you shamefully desert us!" "You leave your military post." "You desert us at such a perilous moment." "I'm going to burst into tears." "Sit here and wait for Annie and Betty." "They'll explain everything to you." " Charley!" " Yes." "Betty and I request a few moments of your precious attention." "As you know my precious attention is always at the disposal of such sweet girls." "Oh, you are so kind." "You are an angel." "What luck that Charley has such a charming aunt." "My dear children feel free to share with me your every secret." "What makes your beautiful eyes look so sad?" "What is it?" "Oh, Donna Rosa, in his will our father stated that until we are 25 years of age we can get married only with the permission of our guardian judge Krigs!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "You know, this guardian of yours is such a bloo..." "Sorry." "Back in Brazil all high-society women swear like that." "Yes." "They are very original." "So, my dears, I am not quite sure our venture will be a success." "Donna Rosa, Donna Rosa, wait a minute!" "Donna Rosa, you're so kind, so rich." "And do you know that it's just what our uncle values most of all." "It's indespensible." "You know, it must be done today." "Because tomorrow we are leaving for Scotland." "Please, help us, dear." "Help us, you loved once too, didn't you." "She did!" "I'll try to fix it, but that won't be easy." "Not at all!" "What's the trouble?" "You see, I want to be your best friend." " I swear to you!" " Me too!" " I swear to you!" " Me too!" " I am such a friend..." " And I..." " And I... and I..." " A friend..." " I am such a friend..." " And I..." "Damn it all, being a woman has its nice moments too." "I could do with a drink." "Brasset!" "Yes, sir?" "Are you crazy?" "Don't call me "sir"." "Sorry." "What is it, madam?" "Madam would very much like a sip of cognac." "Yes, sir." "I mean madam." "At last!" " Donna Rosa..." " Yes?" "Anny made me so happy when she said you asked to see me." "Baby." "You were so graceful trying to run away from me." "She won't run away from me any more." "Oh!" "How fortunate." "Good." "Here is too you, Donna Rosa." " You may go, Brasset." " Yes, sir." " What?" "What?" "What did he say?" " What?" "You bastard!" " Imagine calling a lady "sir"!" " He is drunk." " Then you are a drunkard!" " Me drunk?" "!" " Drunkard!" "Yes, yes!" " I am sorry, sir, I am sorry." "Very well, madam." "But I said madam." "This is madam." "Yes, this is madam." " Yes, this is madam!" "Yes!" " Quiet, quiet." " Mister Chesney, you promised to introduce me to donna Rosa." " With pleasure." "To hell with you!" " Donna Rosa." " What is it?" "Donna Rosa, let me introduce miss Thompson to you." "Glad to meet you." "I am Charley's aunt from Brazil, where in the forests there are lots of wild monkeys." "Why talk to this vulgar woman?" "What a nice meeting." "You husband and I were good friends for many years." "Everything is lost." "She knows my Brazilian husband!" " Everything is lost." "She knows my Brazilian husband!" " How do you do?" "Everything is lost." "She knows my Brazilian husband." "I am leaving." "Quiet!" "Damn the old fool." "Try to keep your mouth shut for the time being." "Sir who is going to serve tea?" "Of course it'll be me, the oldest lady among those present." "Of course it'll be me, the oldest lady among those present." "My dear!" "I am very pleased." " You are so kind." " Thank you." " Please." "Please." " Donna Rosa..." "When did you come to Britain, Donna Rosa?" "I suggest you change the topic." " I suggest you change the topic." " Idiot!" "Idi..." "Ask if some one would like some more cream or sugar." "Does anyone want some more cream or sugar?" "You must have shed a lot of tears after losing poor Don Pedro." "Don Pedro..." "And who's that?" "How do you mean?" "You don't know the name of your own husband?" "Oh, my husband!" "You should have said so." "My husband..." "Yes, you are right." "Oh, Don Pedro..." "Oh!" "He was such a man!" "Exceptional." "I still cry when I think of him." "He was..." "Although, he did like an occaional drink." "But Don Pedro never touched alcohol." "I am becoming so forgetful." "She likes drinking." "I must make use of it." "I can't undestand why is it that when I first met Don Pedro he kept telling me he was not married." " What?" "Don Pedro?" "Do you know what sort of a man he was?" "What sort of a man he was?" "He was..." "He was a cruel crafty tyrant!" " He tortured his wife, his children, his maid..." " Do you have children too?" "Yes!" "Some five or six of them." "I don't quite remember now." "I haven't seen my little angels for such a long time." " They are so small!" " Where are your angels now?" " They are with their father, naturally!" " What father?" "With Don Pedro!" "But Don Pedro is dead." "What an misfortune." "What difference does it make?" " Some more?" " Yes." "Well, with some other Pedro." "What difference does it make?" "There are lots of Pedros in Brazil." "You can't even count them!" " Yes." " Yes." "It's hard to believe you lived in Brazil." "For example all ladies there smoke cigars just like men." " Do you have this habit?" " I adore cigars." "Give it to me!" "I adore cigars." "Let's smoke." "Our way, the Brazilian way." "Unfortunately I haven't lived in Brazil long enough and haven't got into the habit of smoking cigars." "No!" "What a pity." "Well, I have." "A remarkable country!" "It's..." "A remarkable country." "Yes." "In the forests there are so many wild monkeys!" "They..." " Please, my dear." " What is it!" "What..." " Hey, what are you doing?" " What?" " Bastard!" " Thank you." "They... they... when they jump!" "When they jump!" "Let's drink our way!" "Betty, play something for us, please, something touching." "Yes, I like touching music very much." "Play us a military march and let it be loud." "But I don't know any touching marches." "Then let Anny sing us something merry." "I am a Cocroach, I am a Cocroach I am a black Cocroach" "I am a Cocroach, I am a Cocroach" " That'll do, that'll do!" " Quiet." "I'll sing for you." "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "A Brazilian folk song." "Don Pedro adored them." "Brazilian folk song "Love and Poverty"!" "Lyrics by Robert Burns." ""I've been forever entangled by love and poverty." "Poverty wouldn't be so bad were there no love." "Why should cruel fate always interfere with love?" "Why is love a slave of wealth and success?" "After all there is little happiness in money and glamour." "Only pitiable fools and cowards adore them." "When I see your shining eyes I lose my head" "But you say that I should remain sensible." "If you are poor and in love you can only be happy" "If you do not envy the rich" "Why should cruel fate always interfere with love?" "The flower of love won't bloom where there is no glory and no success." "Here is to Don Pedro!" "I can't show up in front of her like that!" " I can't!" " Whom do you mean "her"?" "Whom?" "Whom?" "Miss Delay!" "Ah, Miss Delay is Miss Thompson's niece, isn't she?" " Yes, but what has she got to do with it?" " Quiet." "She is that very young lady!" "Oh yes, yes, the drama of your whole life." "I understand." "Good bye." "Catch him, Jacky, catch him!" "Catch him, Jacky!" "Don't shout!" " Let me go!" "Let me go!" " He's crazy!" " I want to be a man!" "I want to be a man!" " Jacky!" " I want to be a man!" " Jacky, he'll kill me!" "Quiet!" "It's time to finish him off." "Quiet." "Keep calm." "Donna Rosa, Donna Rosa!" "Donna Rosa, I hope you had a good rest?" "You look so tired." " My uncle said it's all nerves." " Yes, yes." "Ella, she's here." "You are still unwell?" "Smell it, smell." "It's the best cure for a headache." "Where is she?" "Where?" "Fairy." " I envy you so much." "Guess why." " Why?" "My age?" "Your age..." "Your aunt is absolutely charming!" "They must be left alone." "Let's go into the garden." "It's a heavenly place." "Ella." "Come." "Rosie." "Rosalia, darling..." "She is not here." "Rosalia!" "But where is she?" "She wants to play with me a little first." "But why are you evading me?" "But why..." "Dear Rosa..." " What is it, Baby?" " I am angry with you." "And what about me?" "You are breaking my heart." "What have I done wrong?" "I still haven't got the permission for Betty and Anny to get married signed by you." "What is that, Baby?" "Can you explain to me, what do you need that for?" "What?" "It's my whim!" "Oh you, mischievous girl." "Rosalia." "Rosalia." " What are you doing?" " Come on." " Oh my, what are you doing?" " Come on, let's talk about love." "No, no, no, you do not know my secret yet." "I am not like other women." "I do feel it." "Rosalia, stop it!" "Patent idiot." "We, women, can do whatever we like with men." "That's just something!" "All right, now then: you bring me the permission for Anny and Betty to get married and I in turn give you my heart." "I agree!" "We shall get married today!" "Don't lose time while I haven't changed my mind." "I am so mischievous!" "I'll run, fly, rush!" "I'd die for a cigarette." "Do you prefer loneliness to our humble company?" "Oh." "You know, I..." "I suffer from a nervous breakdown." "And the doctors prescribed complete rest to me." "Are you leaving already?" " Yes." "I believe, someone is calling me." " No, you imagined it." "Stay with me, please." "Aunt told me to stay here." "I want to tell you in strict confidence, today I am in her way." "The thing is that many many years ago my Aunt and sir Francis..." " Yes?" "...were madly in love with each other." "What, what a naughty boy!" "Probably he used to whisper to her too that she was a tender violet and he a fatigued wayfarer." "Believe my experience, the military can't be trusted." "Tell me, why then didn't he get married to her?" "That happens quite often." "He didn't make his feelings clear at the right moment." "And then he had to leave for some distant colony and they lost touch." "It's so sad, so painful when two people love each other and have to part without having made their feelings known." "And I have to keep silent." "I..." "Wait, wait." " I..." " Yes?" "I wanted to..." "You see..." "Wow!" "You old donkey." "What is my baby whispering?" "That my Krigsy has come at last!" "Yes, yes, it's me!" "Why doesn't my little baby embrace his little Krigsy?" "Because I haven't as yet got the promised permission." "Where is it?" " Yes?" " Yes." "It is here." "But promise me that as soon as you get this paper we will announce our engagement." "Naturally, naturally." "If only you don't change your mind." "What?" "I shall never change my mind." "Here is the permission duly signed and stamped." "Here it is." "That is the end of my tortures." "At least a kiss." "I entreat you." "I am going to change." "Rosalia!" "I'll kiss you later." "If you still want it." "Krigsy!" "She thinks I need her kiss." "I need her millions." "Congratulate me, colonel, I am the happiest man on the earth!" "Colonel!" "Sir, what are you doing, sir?" "Sir, leave me alone!" "Sir, sir!" " Miss Thompson!" " Mr. Krigs!" " I am the happiest man on the earth, miss Thompson!" " Mr. Kriggs!" "How horrible." "Lucky bastard." "I could never imagine that one could get married to such a vulgar woman." "You think she is vulgar?" "Didn't you yourself propose to her?" "She refused you." "Sad as it may be but you'll never get her millions." "And it's such a pity." "Quiet, quiet." "Ladies and gentlemen!" "I would like to make a very important announcement." "...a lonely bachelor." "But suddenly the fairy who illuminated the soul striving for happiness." "...fairy, I agreed to let my niece Anny fairy, I also agreed to let Betty and Mr. Francis Chesney," "...the son of my friend colonel Francis Chesney, get married." "This heavenly fairy honoured me with her agreement to become my beloved wife." "The name of my fairy is Donna Rosa d'Alvadro..." "d'Alvadro... d'Alvadores." "May I come in?" "Proceed!" " Will I be in the way?" " Well?" "There she comes." "My fairy!" "What is it?" "I am Charley's aunt from Brazil where in the forests there are lots of wild monkeys." "Calm down, sir." "I can at least partially replace Donna Rosa for you." "Shut up, old witch!" "The permission to get married is not valid because it was a fake aunt!" "But I am real." "Yes?" "And what is your name?" "What?" "Donna Rosa d'Alvadores." "Donna Rosa I am an old soldier and do not know the terms of love," "...but when I first saw you, beautiful donna Rosa I felt..." ""I've been forever entangled by love and poverty." "Poverty wouldn't be so bad were there no love." "Why should cruel fate always interfere with love?" "Why is love a slave of wealth and success?" "After all there is little happiness in money and glamour." "Only pitiable fools and cowards adore them." "When I see your shining eyes I lose my head" "But you say that I should remain sensible." "If you are poor and in love you can only be happy" "If you do not envy the rich" "Why should cruel fate always interfere with love?" "The flower of love won't bloom where there is no glory and no success."" "HELLO I AM YOUR AUNT" "Written and produced by VICTOR TITOV" "Director of photography GEORGY RERBERG" "Art director VICTOR PETROV" "Costume designer N.KATAEVA Makeup artist Z.SURIK" "Music by V.KAZENIN, Sound designer T.GUDKOVA, Sound mixer T.FRADIS" "Editor T.IVANOVA Production supervisor V.ROSINA" "Directed by R.TYNDYUK Assistant director YU.PROKHOROV" "Cinematography by V.HALTURIN, assitant cinematographers I.SAFRONOV, V.GOROKHOV, lighting by A.BYCHKOV" "Special effects: cinematographer YU.KOROH designer A.MIKHAILOV" "Extras:" "R.SUKHOVERKO, V.GAINOV, V.KOROVKIN, N.TAGIN, A.MALASHKIN, A.MAKAROV, Y.PROKHOROV" "Production manager LEONID SHMALTS" "Good Bye" "THE END"