"Well, you've heard the old expression" ""Children should be seen and not heard. "" "Well, now there's a government survey that wants to know what kids have to say on a variety of subjects." "But one of those subjects has some people up in arms." "Evany Bear reports." "Oh, this is it, this is it, turn up the sound." "Many of the questions pertain to sex, and therein lies the controversy." "Critics contend the government-funded survey promotes a message that casual sex is okay." " There's John!" " Proponents insist otherwise." " Who's he?" " The managing editor of the paper." "They claim that teen pregnancy, AIDS and other consequences of adolescent sexual behaviour cannot be prevented unless we know something about the behaviour itself." " But not everyone agrees." " And there's Mrs. Teasley." "Oh, Andrea." " I look awful." " Oh, you do not." "How come I don't see your bones up there, squeef?" " There I am right there." " Where?" "Right there." "That's my elbow, right there." "See?" "Well, we could see your whole face if the sign wasn't covering it." "Our public health is not served by prying into every corner of our children's lives." "This is a wrongful allocation of taxpayer money, and we think the department should freeze the funding immediately." "No matter what happens tomorrow, one thing remains clear:" "When it comes to the issue of teenage sexuality, everyone's passion can become inflamed." "For Newswatch, I'm Evany Bear." "Well, you kids must have had some day." "Quite an experience." "Can't believe I ended up on the cutting-room floor." "Better luck next time, champ." "Well, Mrs. Walsh, it's getting to be that time." "I think we ought to head on up to bed." "Okay." "Night, all." " Good night, everybody." " Night." "Yeah, Miss Walsh, I think it's getting to be about that time." " We'd better head on up to bed." " Right." "Well, you can't blame a guy for trying, right?" "So staff meeting first period tomorrow, huh?" " Yeah." " Great." "Great." "Great." "Hey, Brandon." "You didn't tell me your folks were having the parents' association meeting at your house." "That's because I'm the last one to know." "When is it?" "Hey, hey." "So, Walsh, did you see us on the news?" "Hey, sorry your mug didn't make the cut." "Yours almost broke our picture tube." "John, your face was all over the TV." "I tried to call you to tell you it was on, but there was no answer." "Oh, well, I was at Brandon's house." "Aren't they the darling duo?" "Kelly, what's wrong?" "You sound cranky." "Just seeing David reminds me of how much my mom likes his dad." "What can she see in a guy whose idea of a good time is a gum massage?" "Kelly, he's a dentist." " All right, who's available third period?" " I am." "You're already facilitating the assembly." " I can cover both." " Eager little beaver, aren't we?" "Why?" "Just because I don't phone it in, Walsh?" " Hey, Mrs. T." " Are they ready for us?" "We're all set." "Is everything all right, Mrs. Teasley?" "I'm afraid I have some disappointing news." "They're hypocrites, that's all." "Two-faced ignoramuses." "Or is it ignorami?" "No, what it is, is a travesty." "It's a triumph of ignorance over knowledge." "That's good." "You should put that in your editorial." "What's going on?" "I was supposed to get out of English Lit for the sex survey." "A public-health survey, Steve." " Whatever." "When's it gonna start?" " It's been cancelled." "Postponed because of the rain?" "No, cancelled, over, finito." "Great." "Now I actually have to read Brave New World." "So listen, if you need any help with that editorial, I'm at your disposal." "Hey, Andrea." "Flogged any more school administrators today?" "Yeah, Brandon said that you really gave it to Mrs. Teasley." "You should have heard her." "She was" "Explosive." "I don't blame you." "I mean, it's really unfair." "It's like they don't give a damn about what we have to say." "Well, my mom will be happy." "She doesn't think they should ask kids about sex because it might give them ideas." "Donna, doesn't your mom read the newspaper?" "There were a million teenage pregnancies in this country last year." "Every year, 3 million teenagers contract sexually transmitted diseases." "That is not because of any survey." " Andrea, settle down." " No, people are dying, Brandon." "More Americans have died from the AIDS virus than were killed in the Vietnam and Korean wars combined." "More are gonna die in the next two years than in the ten years since the virus was discovered." "How can-?" "How can people ignore this problem?" "Give them hell, Andrea." "Catch you guys later." "I mean, honestly, how can any of these questions get people worked up?" ""Have you ever had sexual intercourse before?"" "Excuse me?" ""Have you ever used any of the following:" "Birth-control pills, IUD, condoms?"" "You know what I was thinking?" "After school, maybe you and I could go over to the college library" " Yes!" " Really?" "I mean, no." "Oh, well, it was just a thought." "No, no, I mean, I think I know how to make them take us seriously." "I can't believe I didn't think of it before." "Tonight's board of education meeting." "And although the report was accepted by the board, it was not filled out in triplicate until after the deadline had passed." "Maybe this isn't such a good idea." "It's on the agenda." "It's too late to stop now." "Not if we just stand up and go." "Andrea Zuckerman." "Is Andrea Zuckerman here?" "Here goes nothing." "Hello, Andrea." "How's the student press corps?" "Fine, thanks, Mr. Beale." "I know it's late, so I'll get right to the point." "I hereby propose that the West Beverly Hills Board of Education move to consider adopting a plan to make condoms available to the students on the campus of West Beverly High." "Well, I so move." "I second that motion." " Sheila." " Why not?" "We ought to at least consider it." "You guys should have seen her up there." "I mean, they were practically interrogating her, but she stayed calm and stood her ground." "He gets a little carried away sometimes." "Come on, Andrea." "You were brilliant." "You were tough." "You were inspirational." "But how was she really, John?" " On the house." " Thanks, Nat." "So when does this new programme start?" "It's only on the table at this point." "Not everybody's gonna go for it." "Yeah, you want me to talk to them for you?" "You're the expert, huh, Nat?" "You jungle stud." " Thanks for being so supportive, Nat." " Don't mention it." "Of course, if it were my daughter," "I'd lock her in the closet till she was 35." "Don't laugh." "That's what my mom would like to do with me." "Over my dead body." "David, easy, tiger." "Donna, maybe you should just not tell your mom about the meeting." "She never misses a meeting." "And she especially wants to meet your mom." "It could be a real free-for-all." "I hope your mom's prepared for that." "You guys know Cindy Walsh, nothing fazes her." "Jackie, Mel." "Grab a chair, they're going fast." " Hi, where's Kelly?" " She's at home." " Hi, Felice." " Jackie, how are you?" "Comme ci, comme ca, a little bug." " Oh, I'm sorry." " Hi, Bren." "Hi, I'm glad you made it." "Oh, Mrs. Walsh, this is my mother, Felice." " Hi." " Hi." "You're a very brave woman to host one of these things." "I am?" " Knock, knock." " Andrea, hi." " Hi, everybody." " Hi." "The infamous Andrea Zuckerman?" "Mom." "Cindy." "Cindy." "I'd like you to meet Bill Sloane." "Hi." "Any friend of Mel's is a friend of ours." "Well, thanks." "I thought this was supposed to be a parents' meeting." "Oh, yes." "Oh, well, but that's just my daughter and her friends." "They're really only here to observe." "Find your father." "I don't want my kid to be able to walk up to a school nurse and say, "Give me a condom. "" "It's as simple as that." " At least they'd provide instruction." " Mel, please" "If I wanted my kid to receive instruction, I would teach him." " Bill" " As simple as that." "Then just decide for your own kid, and not for everybody else's." "Don't you decide how my tax dollars are gonna be spent." "Look, we're all gonna pay a lot more down the road if we don't take some action before it's too late." "Gentlemen, please!" "Mrs. Martin has been waiting patiently." "Let's give her the floor." " Thank you." " Boy, David's dad is very..." " Belligerent?" " Outspoken." "Yeah, but so is my mom." "Hi, everybody." "Dr. Martin would have liked to have been here tonight, but unfortunately he's at a medical conference." "Addressing his colleagues on this very subject, in fact." "And I'm sure he'd be a lot better at this than me, but what he would have said to all of you is this:" "Year after year, the experts have been telling us that condoms are the most effective way to prevent the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases." "And yet, year after year, more people are getting sick." "More people are dying." "Children are dying." "It's very clear there's a lot we don't know about this disease." "It's clear something is not working." "I submit condoms aren't the answer." "They work when people use them right." "Not always." "As a concerned parent, as an educated woman and as a member of the generation that barely survived the sexual revolution," "I'm tired of kids being told, "Well, you really shouldn't have sex, but if you do, nod, nod, wink, wink, here's a condom, go have fun. "" "No." "No, we owe our children more than a mixed message." "She does have a point." "We owe them the very best guidance we can give them." "And the only advice we can give in good conscience, the only 100 percent reliable advice, is to use that old-fashioned method that is just simply gonna have to become fashionable again." "And that method is abstinence." "Andrea, say something." "And if they don't listen, which a lot of them won't, do you just shrug and say, "Well, I told you so"?" " Donna." " I'm sorry, Mom, but" "What is this, a student-council meeting?" "Bill, I'd like to hear what Donna has to say." "Oh, gosh." "Andrea, you go ahead." " No, you go ahead." " Yeah, come on." "It's just, if you say that kids don't need condoms because they shouldn't be having sex in the first place, well, you're overlooking two very important things." "One is that a lot of kids are having sex." "And the other is that they are kids." "I mean, it's like if you have a swimming pool in your backyard, you can tell your children not to go in it, you can even build a fence around it, but if you know that they're going to find a way into that water," "don't you think you ought to teach those kids how to swim?" "Couldn't have said it better." "If you would have told me ten years ago that I would be in my living room arguing about condoms in front of my kids," "I would have said you were nuts." "I remember when the big controversy of the PTA was over where they were gonna hold the next holiday bake sale." "I thought David's dad was gonna knock out that Sloane guy." "Yeah, well, he would have deserved it." "Hey, I know Bill Sloane from racquetball." "He's a good guy and he's a very caring father." "If he's so worried about his son getting his hands on a condom, why doesn't he just have a little talk with him?" "Honey, it's hard for some people to talk with their kids about sex." "It wasn't hard for you guys." " Speak for yourself, bro." " No, I'm serious." "Remember the time Cheryl came out from Minnesota and we-?" "Well, maybe..." "Personally, I think it's getting a lot easier, with all the media exposure and everything." "Well, that's true." "I mean, ever since Magic Johnson announced that he was HIV-positive, it seems like all you hear about is condoms and safer sex." "And abstinence." "Right." "Hey, before you know it, frank discussions of sexuality may be so common that we don't even think twice about it." "Well, as you say, it's a new world." "Really." "Who'd have thought Andrea Zuckerman would be leading the next sexual revolution?" "Whoever would have thought that Donna Martin would be leading the next sexual revolution?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "So, guys, about last night, pretty big meeting, huh?" " You should have been there." " Your dad got really into it." "Yeah, well, I heard Donna was really..." " Vocal?" " Yeah, and she was pretty..." " Persuasive." " Yes, yes, really persuasive." "I think after she finished talking, a lot of people had changed their minds." "Yeah, definitely." "So do you think I should, you know...?" "Make a move?" "I have to admit, it has crossed my mind." "Well, here's a shocker:" " I bet it's crossed hers too." " Yeah." "So you think this condom-availability plan is gonna go through, huh?" "Well, Andrea thinks it's a shoo-in, but I don't know." "It only passed at the parents' meeting by a couple of votes." "But how soon do you think before we get some?" "Go to a drugstore, man." "Excuse me, man." "Excuse me." "John." "Hey, John, what's going on?" "Andrea's being interviewed for the news." " Get out of here." " No, I swear." "They got wind of the upcoming school-board vote, now we're national news." "But why?" "We're certainly not the first high school in America to consider a condom programme." "No, but we're the first one in Beverly Hills to consider it." " Beverly High didn't get on it already?" " Not yet." "Because otherwise, we are gonna inherit the society that pays the price for this generation's failure to act." "Brandon, can I talk to you a moment?" "Yeah, sure." "Hi, David." " Donna, hi, how you doing?" " Great." "So your mom wasn't too hard on you?" "Oh, well, she disowned me." "Very funny." "Actually, I think she'd like to." "But I told her, sometimes you just have to take a stand." "You know what I'm saying?" "Absolutely." "Of course she's entitled to speak her mind, but being interviewed on campus without clearing it first puts me in a very awkward position." "And now she's insisting that the Blaze do its own sex survey and all sorts of unrealistic demands." "Well, you know Andrea, she just gets real passionate about the issues." "Well, perhaps you can help her tone down some of that passion." "The last thing any of us wanna see is her jeopardise her position as editor on the paper." "I'll talk to her." " Thanks, Brandon." " Okay." "Two-thirds of sexually active teens are between the ages..." "I hear that Andrea Zuckerman was interviewed on the news today." "Can we please talk about some other subject?" "Would you smell this?" "All I've been hearing about for days is Andrea Zuckerman and her mighty condom crusade." "It smells fine to me." "What do you think?" "Me too." "I mean, this whole condom thing is already such old news." "I'll just have tea." "My stomach is really on the fritz." "Well, believe it or not, some people haven't gotten the message yet." "You were telling me all about birth control before I even got my period." "Well, with a wild child like you," "I figured we were better safe than sorry." "But how many kids your age are emotionally ready to be involved in a sexual relationship?" "It's so much easier with a boy." "You just give them a copy of Playboy and say good luck." "Dad." "I'm just kidding." "They know I was kidding." "But the point is it's not just about birth control anymore." "It's really about disease prevention." "It's a different world than when we were young." "Yeah." "In our day, we had to walk ten miles through the snow just to get to a love-in." "Well, I may be out of step with most of my friends, but as much as I agree condoms are necessary," "I don't think they're necessary in school." "I mean, like you said, a lot of kids just aren't ready to deal with sex." "Most of the boys are totally obsessed with it as it is." "Next thing you know, they're gonna be throwing condom balloons off the second floor." "Oh, come on, they're not that bad." "Yes, they are." "David, tell them." "Tell them what?" "These days, isn't just everyone totally preoccupied with sex?" "Not that I've noticed." "I'm kind of nervous and I see them sitting behind the counter, but the cashier is being really obnoxious and she's yelling out the prices at the top of her lungs" "Come on, get to the point." "Did you get any or no?" "Check it out." "Did you ever know there were so many varieties?" " What'd you get, one of each?" " Here, take some." "No, thanks." "You don't need any?" "No, not at the moment." "Brandon, I don't know what you people from the Blaze are trying to accomplish, but I would appreciate it if you'd leave me out of it." " What are we doing?" " The personal journals." "Oh, that." "Your name just came up." "If you don't wanna do it..." " I don't wanna do it." " Would you like us to leave so you-?" "No, Andrea's trying to round up some people to write about some personal experiences." "Some personal sexual experiences, for the school newspaper, of all things." "I'd rather die." "Yeah, I wouldn't wanna do that either." "Yeah, man, goes for me too, bro." "Scratch my name off that list." "Yeah, I hear you." "Look, I'll tell Andrea you said no, okay?" "Andrea Zuckerman doesn't always take no for an answer." "Now she actually wants us to go and hand out condoms on the street." "She wants us to do what?" "Excuse me, when did we start giving out condoms?" "No, not condoms." "Just these informational packets they sent over." " Who sent over?" " My uncle." "He's a psychologist." "He's affiliated with this theatre group in West Hollywood." "They do a show on safer sex and then have a question-and-answer period." "Afterwards, they hand out these informational packets to people who request them." "Well, now, correct me if I'm wrong," "I'm still on the editorial board of this paper." "I should have been consulted about this, shouldn't I?" "We had to make a decision." "Can I talk to you for a second?" "Andrea, why are you so obsessed about this?" "You told me the school board's gonna vote 3-2 in favour of your proposal." "My sources definitely think they're gonna postpone the vote." " Gives us something to bargain with." " What do you mean?" "In Massachusetts, some kids took action on their own, of course they were handing out condoms, but the school board sat down and negotiated with them." "Besides, it's for a good cause." "It's a community-service project whose sole purpose is to educate kids about AIDS and safer sex." "Andrea, I'm not knocking the project." "It's the protocol." "I should have been asked about this, not told." "I'm sorry, you're never around anymore." "Hey, I was working." "I have a job, remember?" "I know, but this thing has momentum, it has got a life of its own." "Maybe you should get a life of your own before it's too late." " Excuse me?" " You know, sometimes you get so caught up in your quest to save the world, you don't see that you're alienating people." "Like who?" "Just trust me on this, okay?" "The only people who ever respond to these in-your-face tactics are already on your side." "I know what this is about, you're jealous." " Jealous?" " Yes." "You can't stand it that John Griffin got on TV and you didn't." "And now you resent me because I'm in the spotlight." "So you got it all figured out, huh?" "You got me all figured out." "Everything in the world is black and white." "Let me tell you something, it isn't." "Not with me, and not with an issue like having condoms in school." "I'm sorry, you're wrong." "The statistics are black and white." "There are proven facts, people just don't want to admit it." "What you don't want to admit is that you don't know about the other part of it." "The part that doesn't show up in statistics or surveys." "And what, pray tell, is that?" "The feelings." "The sex." "If you had a little more experience, you'd know that love is not a public-health issue." "Thanks for bringing that to my attention." " Andrea..." " Thanks a lot." "Come on, Brandon." "I mean, even in the best of circumstances, you're a sore subject with Andrea." "And then, when you put her down for being inexperienced" " Hey, I wasn't putting her down." " Then what were you doing, Brandon?" "It came out wrong, okay?" "How could I know she'd be so sensitive about it?" "What'd you expect?" "Just mentioning it probably set off all those scared feelings." "You know, "I'll be a virgin forever, there must be something wrong with me. "" "Brenda, that's ridiculous." "Maybe, but it's also normal." "How do you know she feels that way?" "I don't." "But I do know how she feels about you, and I'm sure that only made it worse." "Great." "Want me to talk to her?" "No, I gotta clean up my own messes." "Yeah, well, you better take a big shovel." "Hi, handsome." "Can I give you a lift somewhere?" "That might be arranged." "Hey, you're gonna desert me in my hour of need?" " We'll send you a postcard." " See you tomorrow." "What?" "What are you laughing about?" " I'm laughing at you." " What?" "Andrea, I'm really worried about the board meeting tonight." "Donna's mother is on the agenda." "It's okay." "We have the facts and votes on our side." "You know, we ought to get there early to make sure we get good seats." "You want me to stop by your grandma's house to pick you up?" " How about I just meet you there?" " Okay." "Oh, before I forget, our first true confession came in this morning." "The personal journals for the special edition." "Right." "I think this one's really good." "Maybe a page-one prospect." "Don't you wanna hear it?" "All right." "It's called "Okay, So I'm a Virgin. "" "You like the title?" "John, I gotta go." "I'll see you later, okay?" "Andrea." " Hi." " Hi." "Andrea, look, before you say a word, I'm not writing anything for the paper." "I know, Brandon told me, loud and clear." "There's a fine line between informative and sleazy." "And exactly where is that line, Kelly?" "Well, you know what they say:" "I can't tell you, but I'll know when I see it." "See you." "Don't let her bother you." "I'm still writing my piece, and it is not going to be sleazy." "I'm sure it'll be fine." "There's just a lot going on, and I'll be glad when it's over." "Well, the vote's tonight." "We'll celebrate afterwards." "Okay." "Thanks." "Avoiding anyone in particular?" "Excuse me, I don't wanna get in anyone's face and alienate them." " Come on, Andrea, hold on a second." " No, it's late, I gotta go." "Look, I don't want you to think I don't respect what you've been doing." "It's hard to be outspoken." "I respect that." "That's not what you said yesterday." "Well, there were a lot of things I said yesterday I'd like to take back." "I also have to tell you, I can't make it to the board meeting tonight." "I gotta work." "But I wanna wish you the best of luck." "You worked hard for this." "Feel free to jump in any time." "I don't have much to say for once." "Well, listen, about yesterday, I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." "You know, it was bad enough being reminded how inexperienced I am, but hearing you apologise for it, it's even worse." "Singleton?" "Nay." "Beale?" "Nay." "That's two nays." "It's okay." "I think the rest are with us." "Sporkin?" "Yes." " Pula?" " Yes." "Next one's Manners." "She seconded the motion." "We're in." "Manners?" "Nay." "The vote had nothing to do with the issues." "Sheila Manners and Donna's mom are best friends." "She really believed what she was saying, that handing out condoms could encourage casual sex." "Which is like saying seat belts might encourage people to drive cars." "Don't worry, if we need them, we can always get some seat belts from David Silver." "This all makes me so depressed." "What good does that do?" "I mean, we can't just roll over and play dead because of one measly vote." "Donna's right." "We should set up a picket line in front of the board of education." "No." "You know your uncle the psychologist?" "We should help his group pass out those informational packets on safer sex." "Yeah, I'd do that in a minute." "Maybe that's something that Dylan might wanna be involved with." "I bet a lot of people would wanna do that." "And I bet we could get the media to cover it." "What do you think, chief?" "I don't know." "Why don't you guys coordinate it with John?" "I'll see you later." "She's taking this hard." "What do you expect?" "She felt it was important." "No, what she felt was important was having a forum to discuss the issues." "Now, just because there's no vote pending doesn't mean that we have to stop making ourselves be heard in a mature and dignified way." "So, what kind of ID do you need to rent a hotel room?" "A hotel room?" "Well, I mean, you can't just seduce a girl in her own car, can you?" "David, do I look like Ann Landers?" "No, more like Dr. Ruth." "Look, the reason I'm asking you about the hotel room is" "Donna told me that you and Brenda rented one at the prom last year." "She told you that?" "It was a small detail that'll never, ever pass these lips." "Why, look, I forgot about it already." "It's a good thing." "Hobson, I'm bailing." "All right, man, say hi to my family." " Honey, it's Dylan." " Send him up." "What you doing?" "Waiting for you." "Does that mean that you're actually ready to go?" "Of course not." "It just means that now it's your turn to wait for me." "What's this, Bren?" "Oh, it's for the Blaze, the special edition." "Like hell it is." ""As often as you read about girls who become pregnant unintentionally, you cannot imagine the feelings until you believe you are in the situation yourself. "" " You were gonna print that?" " I am going to print it." "I don't kiss and tell." "I don't talk about my conquests in the locker room." "Dylan, I know you don't." "Look, I'm not saying anything that's untrue or even embarrassing." "No, it's not embarrassing, but it's very personal to me, and you are not gonna print it." "Dylan, come on, I can just redo it." "It's not as if I don't remember what I wrote." "I wish you'd forget it." "Dylan, wait a second." "Are you leaving?" "Are you gonna go ahead with this?" " Dylan..." " Good night, Bren." "Dylan, wait." "Dylan, wait." "Dylan." "Dylan, please come inside." "Look, I'm not gonna try and change your mind if it means that much to you." "Tell me why you're so upset." "I can't believe you." "Dylan, I was only writing that piece because I think there's a need for it." "I was scared to death when I thought I was pregnant." "It would have helped me so much to have known that there was someone else out there our age who'd been through it." "You wrote about something very personal that I was involved in for the whole school to read." "You didn't even ask me how I felt." "I'm sorry." "I didn't see it that way." "You have good intentions, Bren, but right now I need to keep my private life very, very private." "I thought you knew that." "Dylan, I was writing about me, about my feelings." "They're gonna know who the guy is, Bren." "How many boyfriends have you had at West Beverly?" "One." "And I'd like to keep it that way." "Why don't you come back inside?" "Smells good." " Is that the perfume I gave you?" " Maybe." "Maybe not." " Hi, guys." " Hey, Silver." "I'm gonna go talk to Andrea." " Bye." " Bye-bye." "Look, thanks for the advice last night, man." "What advice?" "Well, it wasn't so much what you said, it was the way you didn't say it." "See, it really got me thinking." "It's all a question of timing." "Like the song said, you can't hurry love." "So we just gotta hang tight and wait for the right moment to come along." "Or until I get my licence." "Hi." "Great news." "My parents left for Aspen, so we can watch the MTV special at my house." "Hi, Dylan." "Bye, Dylan." "Bye, Donna." "Timing's everything." "Now, remember, this topic can make people very nervous, so after the show, don't be pushy if someone's not interested." "I think that's probably pretty obvious, John." "Andrea, I'm really sorry, but I decided not to do my piece on the pregnancy scare." "I hope it doesn't goof up your special edition too much." "No, it's okay." "I understand." "Look, Dylan just didn't want me to and" "Look, you don't need to explain, Brenda, okay?" "I mean, I'm not even sure that I'm going through with it anymore." "Okay, now, does anyone have any questions about this stuff?" " Anything?" " I can't do this." "I can't walk up to a total stranger and hand him an information packet about sex." "Come on, Kelly, it's a public service." "It's a good deed." "Doesn't anyone wanna go shopping instead?" " Kelly." " What?" "That's a good deed." "It's helping the economy." "Look, why don't we stick to AIDS education today and retail tomorrow, okay?" "Sorry, guys." "Count me out." "Well, Dylan, glad you could make it." "Here's a little light reading for you." "All right, guys, let's get on with it, huh?" "I thought there'd be some dirty pictures in there." "All right, who wants the box?" "Good man." "After you." "You go ahead with Brandon, I'll meet you guys later." "No, I'll wait for you." "I don't know if I'm gonna go." "I'm not feeling that well." "Do you need me to take you to the nurse or something?" "John..." "John, just go, okay?" "I'll be fine." "You're not coming, are you?" "Well, you and John can handle this fine without me." "Come on, Andrea, step on my foot, give me a face rake, an eye gouge, something, I don't know, just stop making me feel so guilty, okay?" "Brandon, let me just clarify something for you." "I'm the one whose feelings were hurt here." "So I'm the hurter and you're the hurtee, is that it?" "Exactly." "You sure you don't wanna come?" "Yeah." "I'm tired and a little burned out, and if I never hear the word "condom" again, it will be too soon." "We could always just use sign language." "Or not and say we did." "Go ahead, they're waiting for you." "Okay." "I'm sorry." "Yeah." "See you." "I keep leaving my chemistry book everywhere I go." "I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something." "Andrea, what's the matter?" "Why didn't you go with them?" "I couldn't be that much of a hypocrite." "I mean, who am I to try to educate people about safer sex when I've never...?" "You're probably much better off." "Easy for you to say." "You could have any guy you want." "No, I can't." "Name one guy you ever wanted who turned you down." "Brandon Walsh." " Brandon?" " Yeah." "Last year at the spring dance, he told me he thinks of me like a sister." "You're still really stuck on him, aren't you?" "Yes." "Why is that?" "Because we always want what we can't have." "Well, at least you've had something." "Andrea, wait just a second." "When I was a freshman, I threw myself at a senior, who pushed me into a bush and never talked to me again." "For the next year and a half," "I spent all my time trying to live up to that reputation." "And now, even though I've changed," "I never know whether a guy asks me out because he likes me or because he thinks I'm easy." "I'm sorry, that's terrible." "So don't sit here feeling sorry for yourself." "You're not missing out on anything you can't do later on." "Me?" "I can never go back." "Too bad we just can't meet in the middle." "I think we already have." "John." "So okay?" "John, what are you doing here?" " I decided not to go." " Why?" "Well, I've gone on these field trips with my uncle and the group before and, I don't know, I wasn't up for it today." "I guess I just don't feel like part of the gang." " Is it Brandon?" " No, I like Brandon, everybody does." "It's just the little comments here and there, the in-jokes." "Without you, I guess I just feel like an outsider, you know?" "I sure do." "It's like what I wrote in that essay:" ""Just because you have four hooves doesn't mean you have to follow the herd. "" " What essay was that?" " The one you didn't wanna read." "Is that the one about feeling like the last virgin on earth?" "Yeah." " You wrote that?" " Yeah." "Look, if I were to go to West Hollywood to be with the others, would you go with me?" "Well, sure." "And if I wanted to go to the movies afterwards, would you take me?" "I thought you'd never ask." " Who's hungry?" " Me." "Okay, extra large, half pepperoni, half cheese." "Oh, great." " How much do I owe you?" " I got it." "No, come on." "No, you can get it next time." "Okay, fine." "Thanks." "What's this?" "I have other kinds if you don't like that one." "Oh, you're such a kidder." "David." "You want one piece or two?" "Maybe we should work up an appetite first." "Wait." "I'm beginning to think you weren't kidding about..." "Why would I be kidding?" "It's like you said, if you're in the pool, you gotta swim." "Wait a second." "I'm over here on the chaise lounge." "What?" "I don't intend to sleep with you." "Oh, it's too soon." " I can see that." " No." "I'm not gonna do that with anybody." "You mean ever?" "Well, with my husband, of course." "I'm not entering a convent or anything, for God's sake." "Wait, what about all that stuff you said at the parents' meeting?" "I just don't want kids to get sick or worse because their parents have their heads in the sand." "I mean, AIDS is not the only sexually transmitted disease." " There's lots of others." "For instance" " I know, I know." "Look, I don't have any of those, I swear." "I know, I believe you." "It's just, right now, for me, life is complicated enough without getting involved in a sexual relationship." "So I guess driving to Vegas is out of the question." "I hope you're not too upset." "No, I'm not, really." "I'm actually kind of relieved." "So, what'll it be?" "Pepperoni or cheese?" "Pepperoni, definitely." "That's what I said." "Oh, Bren, I gotta go, my mom just walked in." "Okay, bye." "Hey, you." "What'd you wanna talk to me about?" "Kelly, I want you to promise me that you will never, ever have unprotected sex." "Not even once." "What are you talking about?" "What is the matter?" "I'm pregnant."