"All right, folks." "Can we all settle down for a sec?" "I know that you..." "Hey, you settle down." "No." "Come on, everybody, settle down." "Sandy, come on." "So..." "No, none of that." "Thls Is not a time to make silly jokes." "It's the time for a little bit of talking before we really get to the Important pert." "Here we go." "Well, It's been another great year here at JAMS." "Who n forgot Mr Plnkus' Haunted Classroom?" "Thank you, Sandy, for that." "Yeah, I ain't afraid of no ghost." "Or the wild success of the book drlvs for the women's prison, which Miss P|v|c|c's class sponsored?" "Thank you, Beth." "But, as summer draws upon us," "It's time not only to say goodbye to another school year, but, sadly, also to say goodbye to one of our faculty members." "Yes." "Ellzabefth?" "Is Ellzabeth Halsey here?" "There she Is." "Ellzabeth, n you come on up here?" "Yes, that's appropriate, applause, I thlnk." "Ellzabefth, even though you were only with us for one short year, please know that we wlll always oonslder you part of the JAMS family." "That's sweet." "And we got you a little something." "Thank you." "Almost $40." "Thank you." "You're very welcome." "Speech." "Okay, well, I'm really terrible at these types of things, so I'll make It quick." "I know I've only been here a year, but there's so much I wlll miss." "My students probably most." "And I wish that I had gotten to know all of you better." "Happy blrthdayl" "But between four classes and planning a wedding, my plate was full." "Stlll, I know our students are In good hands." "And even though FH never teach again profess!" "onaHy, I've reallaod that I don't need a blackboard or a claaaroom to set an example." "Adlél, bitches." "Baby doll?" "I'm home." "In here." "Get yourself hard, 'cause I'm gonna suck your dick like I'm mad at It." "Look, your mom's here." "HI, Mom." "What a fun surprise." "Sultcases." "Honey, are we going on a trip?" "Ellzabeth, we need to talk." "Sure." "I'm starting to think that maybe we need to take a break." "Forever." "Mom." "Tell her what the accountant aaid." "Mom." "Steven said that you spent $16,000 last month." "He thinks you're had news." "I know women like you." "Damn It, Mom." "I told you I could handle this." "I just want to ask her somefthlng." "You truly love my son?" "I love him so much It hurts." "All right, then." "When Is his birthday?" "Mom." "I'm not, you know..." "That Is just offensive that you would even ask me that." "It's today." "I know." "God." "That's why I got you this." "Okay?" "Honey, happy birthday." "Boston Market?" "And I was gonna suck his dick." "So two presents." "Okay, fine." "I'll sign the prenup." "It's over, Ellzabefth." "Mark, I'm pregnant." "Bullshlt." "No, you're not." "Okay, fine, I'm not actually pregnant." "You know what, I'm starting to wonder whether this has always been about the money." "You never loved me." "I don't love you?" "I have been listening to you whine about opera for the last year." "Okay." "If the younger generetlon doesn't get Into opera, then guess what?" "No more opera." "An art form has died." "If opera goes away, we're fucked." "I want my ring back." "What am I supposed to do, huh?" "Where am I supposed to go?" "There she Is." "Ellzebeth Halsey." "I em so excited we're gonna be across-the-hall mates, but I am so sad It's because your relationship ended." "Who are you, again?" "Amy Squlrrel." "Squlrrel?" "Yeah." "You know..." "Don't worry, you were kind of a lone wolf last year and so busy planning the wedding." "I found him In bed with somebody else." "Oh, my gosh." "It was another man." "Shut the front door." "Somebody needs e hug." "Somebody doesn't." "Look." "I know you kind of skated by last year, doing the bare-mlnlmum thing, but I just want to say, now you're back," "I just know you are gonna get your teaching on." "I thought the teachers were supposed to get the apples." "Well, I thlnk the students teach me at least as much as I teach them." "That's just somefthlng I say someftlmes." "Stupld." "Sorry." "I just wanted to know If you wanted to grab some lunch." "I'm kind of In the middle of somefthlng, Lynn." "My treat." "You know, Lynn, when I f1rs1 started teaching" "I thought that I was doing It for all the right reasons." "Shorter hours, summon off, no aooountablllty." "I love my summers." "Fresh corn." "From now on, my full-tlme job Is finding a guy who's gonna take re of me." "God, I pray for that." "You know, I spent my entire summer hanging out at bars near where the Bulls practise." "I had some fun, got some cool souvenirs, but those guys are not looking to settle down." "I mean, they all wear condoms, then they take the condoms with them." "That's how paranoid they are." "Llke It's so easy to get pregnant from some dude nuttlng Into a condom." "Yeah." "Yeah." "You're gonna find someone greet." "You ere." "I've been thinking about It a lot." "I'm like an eight, eight and a half." "But If I got a new pair of tits, right?" "You don't wanna do that." "You're already so pretty." "You have no Idea how dlftlcult It Is to compete agelnet these Berble doll types." "Yeah, that's true." "And we're not getting any younger." "Yeah." "Though we should finish up." "Wallis got that big orientation In the auditorium." "Yeah, I'm not gonna go to that." "But It's mandatory." "I probably won't go either." "No, I might." "I'll probably go and just all In the back." "Maybe leave early." "Maybe stay to the end." "Play It by ear, or just stay to the end." "I don't know." "Okay, well, this was fun, huh?" "You, me, Aruba, my boat, this weekend, what do you say?" "You think I don't see that faint tan line on your finger where your wedding band usually Is?" "Thls Is not my f1rs1 rodeo, Sarge." "Why don't you Introduce me to your single oo-worker?" "One o'clock." "Hey, I'm Jason." "HI." "So that's where I learned to water ski." "I fucking love Lake Geneva." "I love your belt!" "Who makes It?" "We should do something next weekend." "You should take me somewhere." "You don't have a plane, do you?" "Yeah, right." "I'm just a trainee." "A what?" "A trainee." "How much more time are we talking here?" "Tomorrow's my last day." "Oki!" "" "The second I finish, I'm going to my boss's offloe, and I'm telling that motherfucker to go fuck himself." "See, I wanna do something that matters." "I'm going back to school and beoomlng an oocupatlonal therapist." "I wanna do aomethlng Important, just like you." "An oocupatlonal therapist?" "Do I look like I wanna marry a fucking oocupatlonal therapist?" "Fuck my ass." "Welfcome to Ah' Seventh Grade Sock!" "Studlies." "I'll be your clphln, lllu Squirrel." "Crulllng eltltude for the year lvlll be world geography through current events." "We may have a layover In civ!" "cs, so buclde up, 'cause It's gonna be a crazy dde." "The photographer was, Ilke, so nloe." "He made me feel, like, really, really comfortable." "I might get flown to Kansas Clty for their fashion week." "Kansas Cltyl" "Stalk much?" "Loser." "HI." "I'm Sasha Abernathy." "My mother baked these oookles for you." "Just leave 'em on the desk." "You need something?" "Anyone seen Stand and Deliver?" "Show of hands." "You kidding me?" "Edward James Olmos?" "Lou Diamond Phillips?" "Wow." "All right." "You and you, grab the TV and roll It up front." "We're watching a movie on the first day?" "I thlnk It's awesome." "You rock." "These oookles suck." "Would everyone pleue try to find |" "lent? Garrett, honey?" "Ellzabeth." "Hey." "Russell." "Russell Gettls, gym teacher." "We did bus duty together last spring." "Yeah." "So, I heard about the whole engagement thing." "That blows." "Dld you know I walked In on him trying to fuck his dog?" "Peanut butter everywhere." "That's gross." "Anyway..." "Hey, might be too soon, but you wanna, Ilke, grab a bita or aomathlng aomatlma?" "You still a gym teacher?" "I am, yeah." "Then no." "I don't date oo-workers." "I won't tell anyone." "I also said no." "Okay, cool." "Well, this has been awesome." "Somebody's got a case of the sleepies." "What?" "Dld you see the ooleslaw altercation?" "Yeah." "That one kid hit the other kid with some ooleslaw." "You weren't at the orientation the other day." "Okay." "Boy, Ellzabeth, you missed a boatload of stuff." "Anyways, st the orlentstlon, I suggested s new system for supervising lunch." "It's a quadrant system." "I tell you what, why don't you just send me a memo, and, If I have any questions, I'll find you." "Yeah." "Meant to ask, did I hear you were showing a movie this morning on the first day of school?" "How do I know what you heard?" "Llsten, I don't wanna tell you how to run your class, but maybe It might be fun to try some Ice breakers." "Llke telephone charades or the string game." "Are we gonna have a problem, me and you?" "God, no." "If I gave you that Impresslon, well, I'm so sorry because, actually," "I was really hoping we could be more than just across-the-hall mates." "I don't know what you heard, but I don't eat muff ple." "No, of course not." "I don't even know what that Is." "I just meant friends." "Tell you what, friend, I've gotta get going." "Cover me." "Ellzabeth, lunch doesn't and for another seven minutes." "Who's gonna watch your quadrant?" "HI, there." "You look like Losty McLos1erson." "I know, right?" "Can you tell me where Room 101 Is?" "I'll do you one better." "I'll take you there." "You don't have to do that." "Stop It." "Be my pleasure." "Scott Delaoorte." "Ellzabeth Halsey." "I'm the new sub." "Welcome, welcome." "Thank you." "Is that a Jaeger-LeCou|tre?" "Good eye." "Thanks." "I love men's watches." "It's kind of a hobby." "You know, someftlmes I get self-oonsclous about It, but my grandfather made It, so..." "Your grandfather dealgna watches?" "The family bualnaaa." "Yeah, my mother's maiden name Is LeCou|tre." "Shut up." "So, did you and your wife just move to town?" "I'm not married." "I actuallyjust got out of a relationship." "Catherlne." "Yeah." "It's been a year and she's still the wallpaper on my phone." "She has such a big heart." "Looks like enormous." "As you n see, the weight Is evenly distributed and there's minimal s rrlng." "Dr Vogel, best hands In Chlcago." "May I?" "Absolutely." "Take 'em for a spin." "God." "Wow." "Yeah." "These are amazing." "Thank you." "And the nipples." "I know." "I'll take two." "The total Is $9,300 for the surgery, plus one night stay at our facility." "How would you like to pay?" "That's absurd." "I'm a teacher, not a drug dealer." "We accept all major credit cards." "Yeah, well, my credit situation Is a little oompllcated." "I'm sorry, but If you can't pay, than I can't schedule the appointment." "I just really need some money." "As a matter of fact, It Is about my tits, Dad." "Well, maybe Ifl had gotten yours and not Mom's..." "Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush, Grandma." "I'm dying and I need money for surgery." "Really?" "Nothlngl" "I'm rooming with a guy I meft on Cralgsllst." "All I'm asking you for Is $10,000." "You owe me for breeklng off the engagement." "You know how humllletlng that was?" "Oki!" "" "Lover, lover, look, I don't wanna fight." "It's only $10,000." "It would mean the world to me." "Lover?" "Are you there?" "Fucklng troll!" "Dld you II my name?" "No." "I said, 'Fucklng troll.'" "I thought you said 'kirk.'" "Do you have 10 grand?" "Nope." "And, also, I might be a little short on rent this month." "Llke a lot short." "Thls might help." "You wanna get wasted?" "Yeah." "Cool." "See you." "We are In a state of emergency and my word Is hw." "There's omfy one boss In this phce and that's me." "ETITTH" "All right." "We'll pick this up again tomorrow." "Can I help you?" "[WEE" "I'm the student leader for the trip to Sprlngfleld." "Shocker." "We're having our car wash this weekend." "If you're around, maybe we could wash your r." "I got some Mexlcans that already do It for nothing." "Well, the Sprlngfleld tr|p's the beet pert of seventh grade." "Last year's r wash raised $6,000." "Brlnglng these magazines to school" "Is not the way you're gonna make friends, Arkady." "Those eighth grade boys are just using you." "So I go now?" "Yes, you go now, but Ifl see these again, I'm going to call your parents." "Do you understand?" "Go to class." "Hey, hey." "Hey." "Go to class!" "Do you have a second?" "Yeah." "Oh, you know what, I wanted to talk to you, too." "Dld I hear that right, that you were showing movies all last week?" "Some clips, maybe." "But, you know, In a lot of ways, I thlnk that movies are the new books." "Is this new?" "God, I love It." "You know, I've always said that dolphins are the humans of the sea." "I have a bumper sticker that says that." "No way." "I'm not kidding." "It's on my car." "Come on." "Hold on a sec." "Hls name Is Slmon, and he lives In the Cayman Islands with his brother, Ajax." "Wow." "What a great story." "What did you wanna talk about?" "I was thinking that I wanna get more Involved." "You know, I don't know, something like maybe supervising the seventh grade r wash." "You know, Amy has been running that for like two years." "Yeah, but she does so much already." "It might be nloe to give her a little rest." "It's so nloe to see you beoomlng a real member of the JAMS family." "Just feels so good to help." "Holy shltl" "All right." "Left's do this." "Hey, Mr Delaoorte." "Yes!" "Hey, kids." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey, you better not take It for ajoyrlde." "Are you sure?" "I'm watching you." "Mlss Halsey." "Hey." "I'm Impressed." "Thanks." "I've been working out." "What a turnout." "Oh, yeah, and the kids are just having a blast." "Well, that's what It's all about." "God, you know, we should go get a drink tonight." "I feel like getting drunk." "I mean, not 'drunk' drunk." "Strong buzz." "Stlll be able to drive." "I'm sorry." "I can't yet." "I'm just not ready." "But, If you're patient, I thlnk I might be worth your while." "You're worth the walt." "Ithlnk so, too." "Shlsh kababs." "Wally?" "It's Amy Squlrrel." "Amy?" "What are you..." "Get out of here!" "Th|s'|| just take a sec." "I happened to be pedalling past the seventh grade car wash this Saturday." "Can we talk about this later?" "'Later, we'll all die,' said the gator to the fly." "What the fuck?" "What?" "Just go." "Now, I don't wanna speak out of school, but, from where I was alttlng," "Iihlnk..." "It seemed like Mlss Halsey was getting pretty chummy with the money." "Are you aocuslng Ellzebeth of embezzling from the seventh grade r wash?" "Wally, we barely know anything about her." "Hey, you know what?" "They raised almost $1,000, so whatever she did worked." "Vleft Huynh's dad called." "He said the car wash was a raging success." "And Lauren RIssman's dad called." "He seld we should have e r wash every weekend." "So Instead of aocuslng her, you might wanna ask her for some pointers." "Well, If those pointers Include wearing provocative beachwear for money," "I thlnk I'll pass." "Thls Is ridiculous." "Thls Is the one place In this building where I'm allowed to be alone with my thoughts." "I only have this once a day." "If I'm lucky." "Next time you accuse one of my teachers of eteellng, you better have some evldenoe." "God damn It." "We are done here." "All righty." "Have a super awesome day, you two." "Holy fuck, I thought she was never gonna leave." "How are things going with Scott?" "Jesus Christ, Lynn." "The guy just went through a terrible breakup." "Yeah." "What he needs now more than ever" "Is a friend." "You know, I thlnk that's really smart." "Bulld a foundation..." "Yeah, build a foundation and than after my surgery, we fuck." "I don't know." "I thlnk love should be about..." "I gotta go, Lynn." "Here, hold this for me." "Okay." "Thanks." "Are we starting School Tlu today?" "Okay." "Today we're starting School Tlu." "Brendan Fraser plays a Jew." "Classlc." "Okay, who has the answer?" "Here It Is." "Good luck." "Here 'what' Is?" "It's the pre-test for the state standardised test." "It was In the memo." "Yes, the memo." "Hey, zip It." "Zlp your shit." "Okay, look." "We all know that these tests are gay." "Hey." "Aooordlng to this memo," "I'm supposed to give you guys 45 minutes per section." "Okay." "Clear your desks, everybody." "Penclls out." "What's going on with you?" "You need atlssue, huh?" "She Is such a phoney." "Yeah, a major phoney." "Yeah, but she also res a lot, too." "I love how his eyes sparkle when he smiles." "I wanna :" "It on his face." "'|'|°Y" SUV'" "Hey." "Hey." "You are just making a habit out of this, aren't you?" "Actually, Sandy Plnkua In the math department," "I guess someone slashed his tyres." "And his wife's, too." "That Is awful." "Lynn, will you go grab me some milk?" "What kind of milk do you want?" "Sklm, whole, 21%, chocolate?" "Surprlse me." "Okay, I'll get you skim." "No, 2%." "So?" "So?" "Heh, fellow educators." "Is everything okay with Gaby?" "She'll be fine." "I told her, 'Gaby, If you're not happy with yourself, 'you can't expect others to be happy with you." "'It starts with you."" "I'm sure she appreciated that." "Yeah." "And It's exactly what I told Ellzabefth when she told me about this upoomlng fake breast job." "Sorry." "Sorry, I thought you were telling everyone." "Dld you?" "Well, I'm pro choloe." "I believe everyone should choose whatever makes them hspplest." "Except abortion, of course." "Of course." "Obvlously." "Well, It looks like algebra Ia Illng." "I hate math." "Wlsh me luck." "HI." "I'm a math terrorist, with close ties to Aljaybra." "I have weapons of math Instruction." "Here, I'll walk you." "Men, everyone Is so nloe around here." "Of course." "Hay, watch my quadrant." "Here you go, 1%." "Surprlse." "HI." "My name Is Ellzabeth Halsey." "Any questions?" "HI." "I'm Sasha's mother." "I'm a little concerned at the Importance you're placing on movies." "I was just wondering what your plans were for the state test." "Llsten, the school hired me because I'm amazing at what I do." "I use movies as one of my tools, but I also use a variety of other multimedia techniques." "Llsten, I could take you day-by-day through my entire syllabus, but that's just not how I do things." "So that's my spiel, as the Jews say." "Please, help yourself to some delicious snacks and drinks In the back." "Class dismissed." "Excuse me, Mlss Halsey?" "HI, |'m Morgan's dad." "Morgan." "Great kid." "So preooclous." "I just wish lllorgan's grades would reflect It." "If I know Morgan, and I thlnk I do, Morgan'II get there." "Llsten, I'm sure you have a full plate, along with a rocking hot body, but If you could just keep an eye on Morgan, my wife and I would really appreciate It." "For supplies and whatever." "For supplies." "You're Chase's parents." "HI." "You know, a student like Chase would benefit so much from some extra attention." "So you think we should hire a tutor?" "You know, I'd be happy to do It myself, but It's just so hard with a class of 20, 25, or 30, or whatever." "To be a teacher." "God, It Ia ao hard on my salary to have to pay for my own auppllea, and my Hanoi, he cheated on me with his sister." "As her personal tutor, I guarantee personally that she will get an A, or your money back." "Well." "Say no more." "Make It out to ' h.'" "1 III" "But when I go to my grave, my head Iv!" "be hlfgh." "There are no vi'ctlms In this chssroom." "Scott?" "Scott?" "Scott?" "Amy." "HI." "HI." "I got you something." "What?" "You didn't have to do that." "It's nothing." "Well, It's my favourite book." "Yeah." "Thls Is my favourite book, too." "What's your favourite part?" "Love." "What do you want?" "Is that marijuana?" "No, It's medicinal marijuana." "I have a prescription and everything." "But I'm not gonna tell you why, because It's between me and my doctor." "Okay, well, feel better." "Thanks." "My mom and I made you some holiday oookles." "Are those oatmeal raisin again?" "Glngerbread." "Let me see It." "Have It." "'Watch the bow." "Do you have anything to drink?" "Llsten, word to the wise, stop dressing like you're running for Congress." "I don't wanna run for Congress." "I wanna be praaldant." "See, that's what I'm talking about." "Keep saying shit like that and you're gonna get punched." "Do you really wanna be prealdent or Ia that aomethlng your parents want?" "Look, you don't have to decide right now." "You know, who knows?" "One day you wake up, you decide you wanna be a masseuse." "Salary plus tips." "Thlnk about It." "If I thlnk about It, will I get extra credit?" "Hopeless." "All right. |'m high as fuck." "I gotta get outta here." "Watch your feet." "Thls Is Indeed a winter wonderland." "Wanna go get high?" "Yeah." "Glve me a nug." "I'll smoke It In my car." "Wow." "No." "I meant, do you wanna get high with me?" "Eight, six, seven, Hve, three, oh, mine" "Mine" "Eight, six, seven, Hve, three, oh, mine" "Eight, six, seven, Hve, three, oh, mine" "I got It, got It" "I got It" "Hey." "They don't make songs like this any more, right?" "You know, that's actually not true, Scott." "I'm writing a song right now called 855-824-1777, extenslbn 777." "So you guys having an awesome time?" "Yes." "Oh, my God, I love to dance." "I could dance all night." "Hey, could we go somewhere and talk?" "Totally go for a talk right now." "What's up?" "Oki!" "" "I don't know how to say this." "I'm kind of nervous." "It's all just happening so quickly." "You n tell me anything, Scott." "You're one of my best friends." "I'm crushing on someone." "I thlnk you're pretty great, too." "Thanks." "It's Amy." "No running In the hall!" "VITFT!" "She's been amazing helping me deal with my break-up." "Yeah, I don't know her that well." "I know all the other teachers really hate her fucking guts, but I stay above all that stuff." "Can I be honest with you?" "Of course." "It's nothing personal, but I don't think that you're Amy's type." "Really?" "Yeah." "We seem so, I don't know, slmpatloo." "How do I put this politely?" "She's a lesbian." "She hates cock." "She's only using you for your money." "[WEE" "Well, I feel stupid." "No, Scott." "Scott." "Look at me." "I'm gonna get my breasts enlarged In a couple of months, and when I recover from my surgery, you and I are gonna go out and we are gonna find awesome people for each other." "That sounds nloe." "You're out of your mind." "There Is no way that LeBron will ever be Jordan." "Nobody will ever be Jordan, okay?" "Okay, LeBron's a better rebounder and passer." "WIII you let me finish?" "Can you let me finish?" "Call me when LeBron has :" "ix championships." "Is that your only argument?" "It's the only argument I need, Shawn." "Let's get baked goods." "We're gonna go get some baked goods." "You got this?" "Just try It." "Try It." "Please, don't..." "Stop pressuring her." "How does she know she doesn't like It If she's never tried It before?" "You know, we should probably be getting back." "Just fucking do It." "Weed Is awesome." "Hold It In." "Just blow It out." "Hold It In." "Blow It out." "Okay." "Lynn, I'm gonna take this." "I'm gonna go find a hot dog." "HMT!" "Well, that was deeply unimpressive." "Llke you n do better." "Really?" "You sure you wanna do this?" "Yeah." "Gym teacher." "You understand this Is what I do?" "Yeah, I got It." "Llke, for a living?" "All right." "You have no upper-body strength." "Yes, I do." "Just not In my arms or my chest." "But I have cat-Ilke reflexes." "Makes up for It." "So, all this Is mine, by the way, as far as the eye can see." "Really love what you've done with the place." "Don't know If you notloed the nets, but those are brand-new nets I had Installed." "Thls Is original wood." "See those championship banners?" "When I f1rs1 me to the school, they weren't here." "They were over there." "I had them moved over there. what has to go wrong In someone's life for them to end up being e middle school gym teacher?" "Well, granted, It wasn't the original plan." "At Harvard _" "But I don't know." "I like It here." "What went so wrong In your life that you ended up educating children?" "I don't know." "Maybe I was a had person In another life." "We should, Ilke, go have e drink sometime." "Together." "Llke over winter break." "Nah." "Got somefthlng brewing." "Can I say somefthlng, for the record?" "Flne." "It's about your, the..." "The big, fake titties." "Are you really gonna do that?" "Why would you do that?" "Your tits are fine." "I like your tits." "Ask my roommate." "Serlously?" "Fuck." "Serlously?" "Come on!" "Serlously?" "Hey!" "Why are they closed?" "It's Christmas." "Whatever." "Hey, you got a lighter?" "Hey, Mlss Halsey." "It's me, Garrett, from school." "It's Garrett!" "Havlng a nloe Chrlstmas?" "Aces." "What are you doing the rest of the day?" "You gonna go see your family?" "You know, I'm gonna go see some people." "We're having like a big potluck." "So..." "Mlss Halsey." "Would you like to come and spend Christmas with us?" "Fa, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia" "'Tll the leuon to be jolly" "Fa, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia" "Don we now our yuletlde carol" "Deck the something elle" "We never remember It." "Every year we forget." "What Is that?" "Llsten, I'm really sorry I have to eat and run." "I gotta head over to the shelter." "So..." "The shelter?" "That's so Insplrlng." "Yeah." "I really love helping bums." "But you have to walt for dessert." "We have a real treat." "Garrett, why don't you run and get some of your new poetry?" "God." "No one wants to hear It." "Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed." "Don't be shy, Marbles." "Thls Is called 'The Chase," by Garrett Tlara." "'X-0, X-0 My love for you Is X-0, X-0" "'About her smile, that I would walk a mile for" "'About her personality, that makes me see the best In me" "'One glance, one dance Be use together, we n achieve balance'" "Thank you." "I loved It, and I usually hate poetry." "Oh, Phlllp. 'Hate' on Chrlstmas?" "Sorry, Santa." "Sorry, Jesus." "Why don't you two give me a hand with dessert and we can left these two discuss?" "Oh, fuck." "So the poem's about that girl?" "Yeah, Chase." "If I could just talk to her and tell her howl feel," "I know she'd understand." "Llsten, It's not gonna happen, buddy." "I was that hot girl." "Hatter, even." "And I would never have gone out with you." "And I'm not saying that to be mean." "I'm saying that to be helpful." "What do you knew?" "You don't even know our names." "I'll tell you what I know." "A kid who wears the same gymnaatl sweatshirt three days a week Isn't getting laid until he's 29." "That's what I know." "Thls sweatshirt was my dad's." "It's all he left me when he left me." "There's a reason he didn't pack It." "Just saying." "Welcome to the number one New Ye|r'|" "Eve party In the entire world." "This ll literally the blggut party on Earth." "Aren't you going out with the other nurses?" "I'm not a nurse." "I thought you were a nurse." "I'm a teacher." "...Llonel Rlchle, so don't even think about going anywhere elle." "We'!" "have the Jonas Brothers." "Hey." "Welcome back." "Bunch of us are going out tonight to see Perlod 5 play." "Do you wanna come?" "Perlod 5?" "Yeah, the teacher band." "I'd rather get shot In the face." "Hey." "Hey." "So are you guys oomlng to the Palace tonight?" "My band's gonna do a few songs." "You're In Perlod 5?" "You're looking at the new rhythm guitarist and backup vocalist." "Should be fun." "Should be amazing." "Lynn, you wanna come?" "Yes, yes." "A lulllby luld..." "Everything gonna be all right" "Rocklbye, rocklbye" "Everything gonna be all right" "Rocklbye, rocklbye" "Rocklbye" "Lot of cute guys." "You should go talk to someone, Lynn." "I'm fine here." "I'm fine." "Come on, Lynn." "You need to loosen up and live e little." "When was the last time you had a good dicking?" "'A good d|ck|ng.'" "Look, go talk to those guys over there." "In the cowboy hats?" "Yeah." "What?" "Oh, come on." "You come on." "Now, go talk to them." "What am I gonna talk about?" "It doesn't matter, Lynn." "Look, you go and you start with one of them, then you start talking to the other one, and then you go back to the first one but still be touching the other one, and than you just choose." "Textbook." "Yeah." "From the world's weirdest textbook." "Let me finish my drink." "Now, Lynn." "In a second." "No, go." "I like It here." "It Is really fun over here." "Lynn." "Get your ass over to those cowboys." "Well, I'm glad I wore my fun underwear." "Oki!" "" "Everything gonna be all right Rocklbye" "So, call me crazy, but this might be the best Perlod 5 show of all time." "What are you doing here, anyway?" "I thought It was poetry slam night." "I was gonna get drunk and mock them." "That sounds fun, actually." "I'll lat you know next time I go." "Not that fun." "Oki!" "" "Just so you know, that shit does not faze me at all." "I'm like the fucking Termlnator, dude." "I'm just gonna keep oomlng after you." "Just so we're clear." "Good luck with that." "Oh, shit." "Check It out." "I'll be damned." "That shit worked." "Super fast." "Wow." "Thank you guy: for coming out." "What | tumout." "Right?" "I just wanna take this opportunity to thank the guy: from Perlod 5 for letting me join the band, and also, I..." "I have an orlglnll long." "It ll my fint crack lt songwriting, so be kind." "And It goo: out to someone very lpcclll." "There was a gufrl' I met some time ago" "Slmpltlco" "She helped me heel She helped me grow" "Slmpltlco" "How do you know when you know?" "I guess you just know" "Slmpltlco" "Slmpltlco" "Exotlco, erotico" "You're my nlrcotlco" "Ask me how much I feel, I'll un "A lotlco"" "There can never In the world be too much" "Before I met you I was a shljp out atsea" "Fuck!" "What, Is It me?" "No, I..." "I mean, Is there somefthlng wrong with me?" "I don't think so." "I mean, sometimes, you talk to people In a..." "Thank you." "Forget him." "At least now you n stop worrying about him and be the best teacher you n be." "I mean, who knows?" "Maybe you'll win the bonus." "Fuck!" "What bonus?" "For the state test." "Whlchever teacher has the hlghest-soorlng class gets a bonus." "How much?" "$5,100." "Son of a bltchl -$5,700?" "Yeah." "God damn It, Lynn." "You never tell me anything." "Yeah." "Come on." "Come on, come on, come on." "Let's go, we have e lot to go over." "Everybody :" "It down." "Come on." "Where's the TV?" "Now, everybody, open your To Kill e locklngblrdl to page one." "Good." "Now who n tell me why Jem cries when the hole In the tree Is filled with cement?" "Be use she's a cry-baby?" "Get out." "We're hereto learn." "Anybody else have a problem with that?" "Good." "Now, who has the answer to my question?" "Nobody's read this book?" "It's on the syllabus." "Well, you never assigned It to us." "Well, now I am." "And we have a quiz tomorrow." "Whit?" "Whit?" "On the f1rs1 hundred pages." "You can't do that." "I have band and jazz band tonight." "We haven't had homework all year." "Thlngs are about to change around here." "Recess Is over." "Be use birds symbollse freedom?" "Good." "Good, okay." "Does anyone have anything to add to what that girl just aaid?" "So, what are the limitations of having Scout as the narrator?" "You, Chubs." "Be use he..." "Focus." "You know this shit." "Come on." "0k|y" 9°" "Don't fllnch." "Serlously." "You and you, hold his arms down." "Next question." "Come on." "Because Attlcus Is always the voloe of reason and justloe?" "Correct." "Here." "Nothlng In the face." "Walt." "Mlss Halsey." "Really?" "Wow." "I never." "We're In the middle of a lesson." "Wow." "Twlllght, look at me." "What did we talk about In class?" "Your weight should be evenly distributed." "You gotta throw off the back foot." "Don't throw at her, throw through her." "Hlt her." "Hlt her." "VTFWMT" "Hey, what do you think of me with Jesslca simpson's tits?" "Go bigger." "What do you think of me with Pamela Anderson's tits?" "Go bigger." "It's just so funny, 'cause I..." "I love raisins, and he hates raisins." "Yln and yang." "You guys are so cute." "So cute." "It's like too cute, almost." "Lest weekend, we went for e drive." "We had no Idea where we were going." "We left the maps at home." "What?" "No way!" "It was fine." "I have a GPS navi system." "Thank God." "And we dlsoovered this new Ethloplan restaurant." "They finally got their own cuisine." "Progress." "Hey, Mlss Halsey." "Hey." "Your sh|rt's mls-buttoned." "Her sh|rt's mls-buttoned." "Thank you, Amy, for pointing that out." "You're so welcome." "God, I've just been..." "Been such a mess this week, you know." "Just working myself to the bone." "Yeah." "It's been quite a change." "Well, I thlnk It's great." "Yeah, It's great." "I just love people who are so passionate about what they do." "It's so Inspirational." "Thanks." "Yeah, you know, some teachers just :all by doing that bare-mlnlmum thing?" "I don't know, It's just not me." "It's good to know there's still some actual educators out there." "What else, Sasha?" "I thlnk I've told you everything." "Anyone know where Daddy Warbucks Is?" "No more movies In class?" "No." "We're actually learning." "Hey, did you know that Amfma!" "Farm Isn't even really about animals?" "Animal Farm?" "Sasha, that's not even onthe syllabus." "Yeah." "I know you're forgetting something." "You want extra credit on your diorama or not?" "I do, I want It." "Okay, think." "Let me think." "Well, there" "What?" "Never mind." "What?" "Well, It was okay." "It was medicinal." "And If she claims It's 'medicinal', I would demand to see a prescription." "That's what I would do If I were you, Wally." "Do you have any proof other than what one student thought she saw?" "Wall, this one student Is In line to be editor of The DaHy Husket next year." "She's got a lot to lose going public with this." "If the Teachers' Unlon found out that I was administering a drug test to a teacher with this little proof, they would make my life a living hell, Amy." "So we're just gonna left her walk free?" "ill 'la l'T°1I R' KL" "Ame, Amy." "Amy, stop that." "Stop It." "Sorry." "Sorry." "Slt down." "Amy." "Do you see this beautiful, little, glass dolphin figurine?" "Look at It." "Yep." "Look at It." "I'm looking at It." "Ellzabefth gave this to me." "She is a thoughtful young woman, and she is teaching for all the right reasons." "KIZEJH" "Can't you see she Is manipulating you through the use of dolphins?" "No, what I see Is that you are getting worked up." "And what I would hate to see Is for you to get overwhelmed," "Ilke you did In 2008." "Got you." "Thanks, Wally, for bringing that up." "Forgotten all about that." "Don't do that with your mouth." "Regular mouth." "Atticus Finch Is s good Iswyer because he's s good person llvho's s Iswyer." "Stupid polnt. lllupelled." "ll this English?" "Are you fucking kidding me?" "Pa'l:he'l:|c." "Thls Is why the Jap: are overtaking us." "And, believe me, I don't mean you." "But we're working really hard." "You're not working herd enough." "I need results." "Class dismissed." "I need that test." "Hey, It's Ellzabeth Halsey." "Unfortunately, Fm not gonna make It In today." "Tom Sawyer!" "My grandmother took a tum for the worse and It looks Hke she's dead, so I'm off to the funeral." "Wllh me luck." "Yo, Bltch Tlts." "I'm not gonna ask you again, dude." "I need those coupons mailed today." "Conslder It already done." "HI." "Back here." "Come on." "Thls Is GHB." "You take one pful before you go to sleep." "And you won't believe the dlfferenoe It'll make In your workouts." "You'll look even more amazing." "What are the side effects?" "Dlarrhoea, heart palpitations, nothing major." "Just don't take It during the day, you'll be out like a light." "Out like a light." "Hey, Bltch Tlts, you send out those coupons?" "I was not told about any coupons." "Well, I can't walt to get buff." "How about you send me some JPEGs, so I n monitor your progress?" "You got It, boss." "Good afternoon, IHInols Standardized Testing." "How may I direct your call?" "HI, my name Is Marjorle Goodman and I'm calling from The Chlfcago Tribune." "Who could I speak to regarding the allegations of raclll bln on your lhndlrdlud huh?" "Pfease hold." "Marjorle?" "You must be Carl." "Thank you for meeting me on such short notloe." "Of course." "Sure." "Hey." "So did you find the place okay?" "It was a good drive?" "G reat d rive." "Llsten, Carl, I know that you're a very busy man, so I'm just gonna get right down to It." "I've been speaking to various black citizens who allege that your tests are blesed towards white people and Orlentals." "Okay." "Let me tell you something right away." "A, Orlentals test better." "B, every couple of years, we get these oockamamle charges oomlng In from various parts of the state." "Left me..." "You should hear the things that they call me." "Raclst, I'm fagatron, I'm faggy Hltler, dlck-breath." "Okay?" "But I am not a racist." "I voted for Obama." "You n quote me on that In your article." "You know what I thlnk would help, Carl?" "For me to see one of this year's tests." "Sure, I n get you one easy." "No problem." "Great." "Great." "On the day after the schools administer them," "I wlll shoot one right over to you." "I was hoping to see It sooner." "I'm on a bit of a deadline." "So, no, that ls absolutely clsssllled, unless..." "Unless you have one of these had boys right here." "Wow." "You know, Carl?" "Enough business for one night." "Don't you think?" "Tell me about It." "Yeah." "I thlnk I'm gonna have another drink before I hit the road." "You know, It's like the freedom and the wind In your hair, and the..." "Obvloualy, the Image that I wanna..." "But than the other side Is, Ilke, mopeds are scary, so I..." "Count me out." "But you seem like such a wild man, Carl." "Yeah, I mean..." "What turns you on, Carl?" "Everythlng." "You wanna know what turns me on?" "Sex In an offloe." "Gettlng fucked really herd agelnet e wooden desk." "mine's metal." "3" "And volll." "So..." "Thls Is the desk." "Do you have anything to drink?" "Yes, I do." "Whlte wine In the oflloe." "Bad boy." "Do you have any mualc, Carl?" "I have the Internet radio." "I love Internet redlo." "You've come to the right place, be use I have that." "See, I am not a whiz at this computer here." "It's relatively new, and Grace, who Is works with me on Mondays and Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and I share her with Greg across the way." "Greg, across the hall, la actually the guy who got me Into aplnnlng." "Oh, here we go." "Shall we toast?" "To new friends." "And new lovers." "I'm gonna take off my shoes." "Is that okay?" "Whatever, man." "I'm gonna go hit the ladies' room." "Okay." "There's a handicapped one, It's way closer." "Use the handicapped one, It's way closer." "I took off my shoes." "Carl." "I wanna fuck you up against the desk." "I wanna fuck you against the desk!" "Carl, I'm gonna need you to pass the fuck out." "Marjorle." "I am going to rock your vagina." "That wine Is good." "Marjorle, left's do this." "Fuck me." "Hello, titties." "If anyone has any Information regarding the missing Annle wig, please let me know ASAP." "Come on, guys." "There's a wig missing." "Because If that wig Isn't found, you n bet your bottom dollar, the sun will not come out tomorrow." "Back to you, Wally." "Okay." "Thank you, Amy." "I'm sure everybody wants to get home, so I'm gonna be quick." "Four score and seven years ago..." "God damn It, Sandy." "Sandy's so funny." "I have here the results of the state exam." "And I'm happy to announce that the John Adams Mlddle School, that's us, scored In the top 5% of the whole state." "Good job, guys." "And I wanna single out one of our own who showed that with hard work and dedication, one teacher can make a dlfferenoe." "And this teacher Is now $5,700 richer, with the highest scores In Cook County, that's the whole county," "I went everyone to give e big round of applause to Ellzabeth Halsey." "Well done." "Thank you." "Congratulatlons, Mlss Halsey." "Thanks, dude." "Well, If It Isn't Professor Smartypants." "Don't mess with me." "I'm a lot stronger than I look." "Hey." "Ellzabeth, I am so proud of you." "I mean, If someone told me at the beginning of the year that you..." "You would get the bonus, well, I thlnk I would've said to whomever It was, 'No way." "Absolutely not."" "And now, here we are." "We should go out and celebrate." "Your treat?" "Yeah, unfortunately, Ellzabeth," "Scott and I have to go over the Itinerary for the Sprlngfleld trip." "Yeah." "We're the chaperones, we're going together." "We're dating, so It'll also be romantic." "How fun." "Yeah." "You're not seeing anyone now, right?" "Got my eye one someone, but he's dating a major cunt." "Pardon my French." "No, no." "She sounds terrible." "Almost done." "Okay, so that's endorsed." "And put the rest on these." "Spllt It." "All righty." "Book It." "Oki!" "" "Take your seat." "Thank you." "Who did 'l:his?" "Come on." "No one wants an extra sticker on their all-star board?" "Who brought you to me, Mr Apple?" "What was that, Mr Apple?" "You want me to take a bite?" "All rlghty-roo." "And, Ellzabefth, I just want to thank you again for stepping In today." "You really saved us here." "No problem." "Hey, Is Amy gonna be okay?" "Yeah, Amy's gonna be fine." "Well, let her know she's In my thoughts." "Hen Arkldy" "Someone'| calling my name" "Hen Arkldy" "I dare you." "I'm not afraid of your dares, Rodrlgo." "Do It." "That's really dangerous, Russell." "I'll call you from the hotel." "Bye, Amy." "Yeah, she's sitting right next to me." "No." "Thanks for liing again." "Amy says hl." "Wow, she sure calls a lot." "So, are you excited about your surgery?" "I've never been more excited about anything." "It's a pretty Insplrlng message to the kids." "We should never stop working on ourselves." "Llke you with your little boobs or me experimenting with efthnlc food." "Gosh." "I never lose my keys." "Such a dlng-a-Ilng." "What's wrong with your face?" "What Is wrong with your face?" "Hey, I'm just trying to make oonversatlon." "You're all done." "Super." "Thanks a bunch, Amos." "I knew It." "Well, that Is definitely Marjorle, only with kind of weird hair here." "In real life, she's actually very pretty." "She In some kind of trouble?" "Marjorle?" "I thlnk you're the one who might be In some kind of trouble." "Dld you or did you not give her a copy of the state test?" "No, no, no." "Absolutely not." "No, I did give her some quotes for her article." "'What artlcla?" "Her article for the Trlbune." "She's e reporter there, right?" "Test tampering?" "At JAMS?" "Thls time I have a witness, and, Ilke I said, Wally, she stole the Annle wig." "We're dealing with a criminal mastermind." "Sorry to be the bearer of had news, Wall." "You know how much we all love her." "Okay, well, you know, I have to II the superintendent." "We're gonna have to crosscheck her entire class's scores." "Thls Is a real shit sandwich." "Of course, you know what : res me the most, Wall?" "Thls Is just what we know, right?" "Who knows what also she's capable of?" "It's so awful." "Frult Roll-Up?" "You know, when Presldent Llnooln abolished slavery," "It was not a popular opinion." "God, I just hate slavery so, so much." "Slavery: the worst." "If I could go back In time and undo slavery, I would." "I hah Ii." "Hey, I'm sorry to Interrupt, guys, but I oou|dn't help but overhear your oonversatlon." "Can I tell you guys what I hate?" "Sharks." "Well, sharks n tear families apart." "But they're also so majestic." "They are beautiful creatures." "But they're also so ferocious." "So ferocious." "One of nature's cruel jokes, I guess." "Oki!" "" "Thank you, Ellzabeth, for listening." "Scott, I want you to know you n talk to me about anything." "Yourjeans feel so good against my jeans." "Totally." "Hey, your body feels so good." "I need some water." "I'm dry-humplng the shit out of you." "Yeah, dry-fuck the fuck out of me, Scott!" "Just stop talking." "I've been fantasising about this ever slnoe we got to Sprlngfleld." "Thls?" "Oh, yeah." "Me, too." "I'm close" "Don't move." "Here I go." "Almost." "Walt for It." "Really close." "Ready?" "Yeah." "Just stop talking." "Oh, yeah." "Almost there." "That was great." "More like amazing." "Well, I'm gonna get going." "I don't want the kids to see me leaving your room." "Yeah." "God." "We are so slmpatloo." "Maybe next time, we n dry-hump without our clothes on." "I'm pretty sure I'd like that." "Yeah." "Even your forehead Is sexy." "Well, time for bed." "All right, then." "See you In the mlhlnl." "Ellzabeth, don't let the bedbugs bite." "Hey." "Hey." "I was just going over some stuff for tomorrow." "Yeah, cool." "I'm serious." "Oki!" "" "HURT" "Hey." "They forgot to restock my mini bar." "How's yours looking?" "You know what, I'm super tired." "I'm just gonna hit the sack." "I'll see you tomorrow, then." "Good night." "And 11." "All done." "sunny?" "Shelly, someone's got a message." "Fm dry-humping the sh# out of you." "Yeah, dry-fuck the fuck out of me, Scott!" "I wasn't always president." "Oh, no." "I had many jobs when I lived here In New Salem." "My favourite job was splitting rails, which Is why they called me Rallsplltter." "Honest Abel" "Yes." "Obvlously." "Honest Abe." "That was the big one." "Honest Abe." "They always called me that because I said what was on my mind." "Even If It made me unpopular." "Remember, a great man always has the courage to say what Is In his heart." "Yeah?" "..|;o" "HUT!" "Who would like to see Mary Todd churn butter?" "Churn butter?" "I love you, Chase." "I wanna yell It from the mountaintops." "And even though you pretty much stopped talking to me In tlfth grade," "I don't re." "I remember the Chase that wrote me e rd when my dad was overweight and had to go to the hospital ho use of his heart." "And a year later when he left my mom and moved In with his trainer, you wrote me another card." "What happened to us?" "Remember In the second grade when we had e sleepover and you wet the bed, and you were so embarrassed?" "And you made me promise never to tell anyone?" "Well, I never have and I never will." "So there It Is." "My heart on e sleeve." "Don't let me leave." "No, please, don't." "Always believe." "H5511" "Loser." "Dork." "Hey." "All right, guys." "Come on, settle down." "Okay." "Left's see how Mary Todd's doing with that butter." "Okay, that's enough." "We get It, you're crying." "She just laughed at me and called me gross." "Well, yeah, did you hear your speech?" "Come on, left's go back." "No." "No, I'm not going back." "Come on." "Just leave me alone." "HMT!" "Garrett." "Get your ass back here." "We done running?" "Everythlng okay In here?" "It's okay." "I'm his teacher." "Okay." "Take your time." "She's never gonna like me, Is she?" "Are we still on this?" "She's my everything." "Okay, here's the deal, man." "I cannot keep sugar-ooatlng this for you." "Thls girl Is never gonna be Interested In you." "Never." "You clearly have a rich Interior life, with the poems and the whatever, but she wants a guy like Ian what's-hls-face." "Ian Mendelbaum, the rapper?" "He's an Idiot." "She's superficial and her priorities are all fucked up." "She likes him ho use he's hot and popular, dude." "You are sensitive." "Yes, thank you." "It's not a oompllment." "You have some rough road ahead of you." "Seventh grade Is not your moment." "Yeah." "Elghth grade will be better." "Probably not." "I'm thinking college." "That's your window." "Be ready." "If I go back out there, everyone's gonna laugh at me." "Maybe this will help." "What are you doing?" "I'm giving you a gift." "We are gonna change the news cycle." "Trust me on this." "I thought It would be heavier." "Don't be weird." "And take this off, and never fucking wear It again." "What, are you crazy?" "Everythlng okay with Garrett?" "No, It's not." "I found him hooking up with an eighth grader from another school." "She wasjerklng him off." "Yeah." "I'm gonna give him deftentlon when we get back." "That's probably a good Idea." "Yeah." "Garrett probably made out with a kid from an all boys' school." "Yeah." "And he was wearing this." "What?" "Awesome." "Yep." "It's real." "Left me see It." "That's a nloe thing you did." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Really?" "'Cause I oou|dn't help but notloe that you're not wearing a bra." "And those kids over there are playing with one." "Lots of people don't wear bras." "Deflnltely." "Lots of teachers." "Well, If you must know, I was helping a student through a tough time." "I'm going through such a tough time." "Can I have your panties?" "I'm not wearing any." "Amy." "What are you doing here?" "Scott, talk to the hand." "Amy." "I know everything." "Carl Halabl?" "The state test?" "The blatant dlsrsgard for the school syllabus?" "And left's not forget, the sleeping with my boyfriend." "Scott, your phone aocldentally called me last night." "I can't believe you'd left her take advantage of you like that." "You are too trusting." "I didn't know what was happening." "I hope you haven't spent that bonus cheque or anything, ho use you're about to give It back." "And than some." "Jall time." "Jall time." "Dld you ever think that maybe..." "Save It, dollfaoe." "You can explain It all tomorrow to the principal and the superintendent, when you've got your meeftlng with the principal and the superintendent tomorrow, at the meeting." "Tomorrow." "I need you to go to this guy's offloe and scare the shit out of him." "Tell me my mission again." "Hand him the envelope." "I'm gonna need a couple bucks for gas." "And a couple bucks for snacks." "Oh, my God." "Slr?" "Oh, my God, are you okay?" "I thlnk I fucked up my knee." "Okay." "Easy, any does It." "Easy." "Easy." "Hey." "Do you need an ambulance?" "An ambulance Is not necessary." "I just wanna walk It off." "Okay, walking on It's number one worst thing you could probably do." "Please don't touch my mirror." "Please, slr." "'What the fuck?" "Who does that?" "I'm a friend of Mar]orle's." "Yeah." "A friend of Mar]or|e's?" "Well, than fuck you, man." "Hey!" "No, shit, fuck you." "No, fuck you." "Fuck you." "You like that?" "Stop kicking It!" "Stop!" "You stop fucking kicking It!" "Fuck your scooter, and fuck Marjorle." "She drugged me, and she stole from me," "and she's going down." "Left me think." "Take It." "Go ahead and open It." "Open It." "Yeah, not had for a camera phone, huh?" "You can keep those, too." "Fuck." "And I was never here, you hear me?" "Fuck." "Don't..." "Stop fucking with my carl" "They're ready for you." "'Learnlng Is Fun-tails."" "Whafd you say to me?" "Your desk." "Yeah." "I forgot that was there." "I'm such a ditz someftlmes." "Thls Is very, very bad, Ellzabeth." "Incredibly, very bad, Ellzabethl" "Amy, you said you wouldn't speak." "That doesn't sound like observing." "Brlng him In." "Mr Halabl." "Thank you for your time." "You're most welcome." "I guess I should begin by saying that my statement from earlier In the week was not true." "What part of It, exactly?" "All of It." "Pretty much." "I've never seen this woman before In my life." "You seemed very oertaln e couple of days ago." "I did, because..." "I am a casual drug user." "That's my thing and everybody knows It." "So that explslns me msklng absolutely no sense." "Thank you." "You realise that If we flnd out you're lying, you're gonna lose your job?" "Plus ]all time." "Yes, I understand." "I just don't went to see an Innocent teacher get hurt." "Thank you, slr." "I don't want to see anybody get hurt." "What the hell was that?" "So there you go." "I guess that explains everything." "Retestl Retestl Retestl" "Damn It, Squlrrell" "I am not going to have a repeat of 2008." "Slt your ass down." "A retest, Don?" "Come on, do we really wanna tell our young people that If they study, sacr|f1oe, and achieve the highest scores In the state, that they're rewarded with suspicion?" "I don't." "I find these kinds of aocusatlons troubling." "And, quite frankly, reckless." "I work my ass off for this school, and I know I am not perfect." "But show me the perfect teacher." "You can't." "There are even teachers In this very school who use drugs." "They do." "They do use drugs." "They do." "They do." "They do." "Wally, do you remember how I told you there are teachers here who use and abuse drugs?" "God damn It." "And I'm hearing about this now?" "What Is It, Axel?" "Where Is It, boy?" "No, no, no." "That's my class." "Axel's barking up the wrong tree there." "Ma'am." "Please, don't touch the dog." "Your dog Is mistaken." "What do you got, Axel?" "He's not gonna find anything In here." "It's clean." "I told you." "Maybe there's a false bottom." "That Is not mine." "Thls Isn't even my desk." "It's hers." "Don't worry, Amy." "We'll get you the help you need." "You monster!" "Lady." "Calm down, lady." "Fucklng damn It." "What the fuck?" "I stole her desk!" "You n check my urine." "Check It!" "Check my urlnel" "Well, It's been another great year here at JAMS." "Wlth summer around the corner," "It's time to say goodbye not only to another school year, but also to one of our own." "Amy Squlrrel." "After six short years, Amy Is transferring out of the district." "S peach, speech." "Wal I _ _ _" "Wally, thank you for those kind words, and thank you all." "My decision that I made myself to leave was super difficult, but when the superlntsndent personally asks you to work at one of the worst schools" "In the state, well, you say, 'Yes.'" "And, boy, I am looking forward to bringing my brand of zany energy to those underprivileged students at Malcolm X Hlgh School." "Thank you." "Hey, Ellzabefth." "Llsten, slnoe Amy's transferring, maybe the two of us n start over." "Hey, there." "Scott Delaoorte." "And you are?" "Leavlng." "Ellzabefth." "VITTU" "Slgn my yearbook." "Hold my ball sack." "I'm gonna write my number down just In case you need a lift after the surgery or just, Ilke, an extra set of hands to make sure the Implants are settling properly." "Thanks." "Hey, you're not gonna teach again next year, are you?" "I don't know." "It's the only thing I'm good at." "I'm just saying maybe you should oonslder doing somefthlng else." "Llke, anything else." "Llke, any other job In the entire world." "You know, the two of us?" "It's never gonna happen." "Clearly." "I mean, how would that even work?" "Where do you even live?" "In some weird apartment with some creepy roommate?" "No, my creepy roommate moved out, so now It's just me and the dogs." "How many dogs do you have?" "Four." "Four dogs?" "Yeah." "Four Dobermans." "Any family money?" "Yeah, you bet." "We're talking like three figures." "Almost 100 bucks." "So, basically, If I was gonna go out with you, I would be making the oonsclous choloe to be dating a gym teacher who lives In a shack with four dogs." "I prefer to think of It as two people with amazing bodies sharing those bodies with each other." "Glvlng each other the glfl of these bodies." "Anyway, actually, none of this really matters." "I sort of started seeing somebody." "Really?" "Congratulatlons." "I didn't realise that, so..." "Yeah." "I feel stupid." "So..." "I'm just fucking with you." "I guess I deserved that one." "Yeah, you most oertalnly did." "I thlnk It's about time you realise that the whole world doesn't just..." "See you around, gym teacher." "Hey." "Let's do that again." "Hey, Ellzabeth." "Hey, Lynn." "How was your summer?" "It was great." "I went to the zoo almost every weekend." "Wow, that sounds great." "You didn't get your tits." "Yeah, I thought about It end, you know, realised I don't even need them." "Plus, they're really expensive, you know, per tit." "Yeah, and you gotta get two of 'em." "And I met a guy." "Tell me everything." "Dld you find your Prlnoe Charmlng?" "Somethlng like that." "Hey, you wanna grab lunch later?" "Sure, yeah, my treat." "You got It last time." "We'll split It." "Oh, okay." "Yeah." "Hey." "You In the cape." "You're up first, left's go."