"[ doorbell rings ]" "(monitor beeping rhythmically)" "(meredith) number one rule of surgery is limit exposure." "Good." "Keep your hands clean," "Your incisions small" "And your wounds covered." "I've removed the tumor" "And placed the catheters." "Now I'm going to flood the abdomen with heated chemo." "It allows a greater concentration of drug" "To be delivered directly to the affected ea." "And the heat helps target the cancer cells" "While leaving the normal cells virtually unaffected." "Okay, start perfusion." "(whirring)" "Okay, uh, we'll place him in trendelenburg." "Then reverse trendelenburg" "As we agitate the abdomen" "To make sure that the chemo really washes everywhere." "Okay, she saw me." "Now I can go." "She's just getting started." "Yeah, I have a headache." "I need coffee." "I have a cure for a headache that doesn't involve coffee." "(elevator bell dings)" "Good." "Oh, hey." "I'm leaving." "There's a seat right there." "Oh, thanks." "Okay." "Oh, yeah." "I've never seen a hot chemo lavage before." "It's fascinating." "I thought you were leaving." "The chief asked me to finish out my contract," "Which has a few more weeks." "Number two rule of surgery..." "Is when rule number one stops working..." "Try something else..." "What I said, I didn't mean." "(chuckles)" "You mean offering to trade owen like a horse" "Or a baseball card" "Or--or a stale peanut butter sandwich from your lunch box." "W--it..." "It was thoughtless" "Fine." "Fine." "Cristina, let's just forget about it." "Because sometimes you can't limit exposure." "Sometimes the injury is so bad" "That you have to cut and cut big." "No!" "Yes!" "No." "If you report him" "He's an alcoholic!" "If you report him, it'll be the end of his career." "You don't give people any room." "Flaws are unacceptable to mcdreamy." "Don't "mcdreamy" me." "Mcdreamy is being mcass." "He is an alcoholic." "How long has he been drinking?" "Since the holidays?" "What, do you want to take notes so you can show it to the board" "So they can offer you his job on the spot?" "You want his job." "You know it and I know it." "I'm the head of neurosurgery." "I have a responsibility to this hospital." "Admit you want to be chief." "All right." "You know what?" "I'm done having this argument." "I'm going to the board." "I'm reporting richard." "Post-it." "You can't call post-it." "I am calling post-it" "Because I told my secret about my friend to my husband" "Not the head of neurosurgery, my husband" "Which I have to be able to do." "So the laws of post-it clearly prevail." "This is wrong." "Post-it." "The chief" "Post-it." "Fine." "I won't tell." "Fine." "Damn it." "You just make me want to..." "(cell phone beeps and buzzes)" "(sighs)" "(beeps and buzzes)" "(beeps)" "Oh, izzie's coming home." "I have to tell alex." "I won't go to the board." "I won't say a word." "Just think about what I said." "Okay." "Alex, izzie's..." "Coming..." "Izzie's coming?" "Home." "Oh, crap." "Izzie leaves, and mark gets a kid," "And you two decide that the best way to deal" "Is to get drunk and mash your genitals together?" "Look, no freakin' way" "You get to judge us or give relationship advice." "Besides, you were a total dirty mistress," "Like, two weeks ago." "Are we calling me a dirty mistress?" "That was two years ago, and his wife didn't have cancer." "Because I've only been with, like," "Six guys in my whole life." "Okay, alex and I-- we've done it before." "(stammers) that was recycling." "It was, like, good for the environment." "Izzie's gone, I was horny, she was there." "Oh, crap." "I am a dirty mistress." "Oh, god." "You're gonna tell derek, and then derek's" "Gonna tell mark that I'm a whore." "No, I am not going to tell derek," "And neither are you, and you're not gonna say anything." "We are keeping our mouths shut." "Izzie is coming home." "Hi." "Know what?" "Sync by ReHelen" "(derek) there were no sterile supplies in the o.R. Last night." "I heard." "Surgery came to a complete stop for a full hour." "Central supply and maintenance are understaffed," "And the autoclaves have been breaking down." "Now anything else?" "Richard... (exhales) I want to help." "Look, I don't need your help, derek." "The sterilizers are up and running, so" "Not the hospital." "You." "You stopped operating." "You're not teaching anybody but meredith." "I'm wondering if..." "If you need some help." "No shame in asking." "You know that." "You can help..." "By doing your own job" "And letting me do mine." "Anything else?" "No." "I'm done." "(door closes)" "(izzie) so I went to the, uh, to the trailer." "Yeah, I don't--I don't live in the trailer anymore." "Yeah." "So..." "Meredith called me and told me you might be moving on." "Iz-- -okay, just...(sighs) just wait." "I realize now" "That I was wrong to blame you for getting fired." "I'm sorry." "It wasn't yourlt.I ju" "I don't want to havesome big talk." "(mouth full) look, I gotta go to work." "I have a pet-scan later," "So maybe I'll see you at the hospital?" "Is everything okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I found some residencies with open spots and applied." "They all just want to make sure I'm stable." "Oh." "One of them is close." "It's in tacoma, so..." "We'd be okay." "I could commute from here and..." "I know that you don't want to have some big talk," "But I just can't leave here-- -look, seriously, I have to get to the hospital." "The place really sucks these days." "You should be happy you don't work there anymore." "Hmm." "Sorry." "Don't be." "I am happy." "I'm gonna work in tacoma, and it's gonna be awesome." "You're gonna be jealous." "(chuckles)" "You're operating?" "I am." "A whipple." "That's big." "I say, go big..." "Or go home." "Uh, excuse me, sir?" "You're--you're taking dr." "Bailey's whipple?" "Is that a problem?" "No, not at all." "No, I'm-- I'm the resident on the case." "I'm thrilled to be assisting you." "I-I will be assisting you, right?" "You can open." "That way, dr." "Grey will be fresh" "When she dissects the neck of the pancreas" "From the portal vein." "That's the hardest part." "That's a fifth-year procedure." "It's what we've been practicing." "And I'm telling you, you're ready." "But if you don't think you're ready" "No, no." "I'm ready." "I'm ready." "(man singing operatic note)" "What's going on?" "Hunt's got an m.V.C. In here." "(singing continues)" "Use a hand?" "What?" "Can I help?" "You know what you can do first?" "You can make that stop." "(singing continues)" "Dude!" "Stop singing!" "I'm trying to get you people to understand" "The seriousness of the problem." "I've lost my upper register completely." "Dr. Karev, this is mr." "Mafrici, your consult." "I just need some antibiotics." "I open in "tosca" in a week, and he gave me bronchitis." "I did not give this to you." "Take a deep breath." "(inhales)" "He teaches piano to children." "I can hear them hacking away during their lessons," "And then he comes in the house and touches things." "Stop talking." "He's got decreased breath sounds on the left side." "He's gonna need an x-ray." "Can you take him up?" "Page an intern." "I don't have time." "(sighs) hunt took him up," "Said thanks for your help." "You got time now?" "(elevator bell dings)" "(mr." "Mafrici resumes singing operatic note)" "(both giggle)" "Mm." "(laughs)" "(laughs) mm." "You're hot." "Mm." "You're hot, too." "No, you're... "hot" hot." "(laughs) oh." "Okay." "Thanks." "No." "No, no." "You have a fever." "You have a--you have a-- you have a fever." "What is that?" "What?" "Oh, my god." "What?" "Pox." "Pox." "You have chickenpox." "(gasps)" "Teddy..." "Turns out she loves owen" "And thought she came here to be all, you know," ""teddy and owen," but there's me," "And now she's all pain and threatening to leave," "And so I told her she could have him." "What?" "She's an amazing teacher, and I'm," "You know, I'm happy again, and I'm--I'm in the o.R." "And I'm feeling like myself and--and I" "And, of course, I didn't mean it." "I mean, I love owen." "I-I love him." "But that means that I don't get to have her," "So..." "Maybe I meant it?" "Okay, here's the thing-- you can't talk like this." "It's, like, I get you..." "Yeah." "But other people don't, so you can't talk like this." "I-I mean, it's--it's crazy." "It's, like, um, if you tell someone their baby is ugly." "You know, they know it, you know it, everybody knows it," "But you don't talk about it." "Okay, but--but you're saying surgery, right?" "Gun to your head, you would choose surgery over derek?" "I am saying don'talk about this." "And don't talk about it to owen." "(elevator bell dings)" "Oh, little grey?" "That's the world-class specialist you wanted me to see?" "Okay, little grey has had the chickenpox vaccine." "I snooped through your personnel file." "I, on the other hand," "Have not, nor did I ever have them as a child." "You're a pediatrician." "How have you never had the-- no, I am a pediatric surgeon." "I don't do little diseases on little people." "I do big surgeries on little people." "Oh, you know what?" "This is ridiculous." "I'm going home." "No, no, no." "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." "You're not going anywhere." "You're highly contagious right now." "You leave this room, and you're gonna touch doorknobs" "And elevator buttons, and then you'll be the outbreak monkey." "I'm going to kill you." "I love you." "Stop scratching, 'cause you're just gonna make it worse," "And then you're gonna scar." "I gotta get my hands on a body again, mer." "I think I'm gonna get an offer from oregon," "But I can't take it." "It's too far." "I can't do that to alex." "I gotta get this tacoma thing." "Oh, you know what would help?" "A call from derek shepherd, head of neurosurgery." "Hey." "Hi." "(whispers) talk to him." "Talk to me about what?" "She's up a for a job in tacoma," "And she wants you to call." "Tacoma?" "It isn't even ranked in the top 20." "Yeah, but it close, and she can repair things with alex." "Fine." "Have her give me the number." "I read the board." "The chief is doing a whipple, and you're scrubbing in." "Well, you can stop worrying." "He's fine." "He hasn't operated in months," "And his first surgery back is a 7-hour procedure" "With a 20% complication rate." "First you were worried that he wasn't operating." "Now you're pissed that he is." "I don't trust him anymore." "Meredith" "Post-it." "He's fine." "He's fine." "I thought it was infection, right?" "Like pneumonia?" "Oh, that's one of the possibilities." "What are the others?" "Well, the fluid could also indicate-- -(teddy) yang." "Karev made the diagnosis." "Let him talk." "Uh..." "Heart failure and cancer could also cause" "This much fluid to occur." "Cancer?" "Would you have to remove myung?" "Aaron, he just said cancer is only a possibility." "I sing." "It's my entire life." "Um... (scoffs) besides me." "What you meant to say was that" "Singing was your entire life besides me." "(miranda) you heard the chief is operating today?" "Uh-huh." "Took my whipple" "And is having meredith grey do the pancreatic dissection" "A procedure that I performed for the first time" "Just last year." "The chief's judgment..." "Is not clear and rational." "Miranda, there's nothing I can do." "You're the only one who can." "(sighs)" "I performed" "Intraperitoneal hyperthermic chemo this morning," "And I kept looking up into the gallery" "To see if the chief was there." "I mean, that was a big deal for me." "Anyway, he wasn't there." "And I don't know why I thought he would show," "Because the truth is..." "He's gone." "And he's been gone a long time." "Might take your mind off your itching." "Scratching will take my mind off of itching." "Take off my gauze paws." "She said that you'd say that, and that I should say no." "So how about we start with the tibial plateau fracture," "Room 22-40?" "Hey." "Hey." "I'm an attending." "You're a resident." "As your superior, I'm ordering you to take them off." "She said that you would say that, too." "And technically, I'm on her service today," "So she's my boss, not you." "We have the lisfranc fracture, room 22-11." "(voice breaking) please let me scratch," "Just for five minutes,just for-- -no." "It'll scar." "(normal voice) I don't care." "I don't care." "Scars are hot." "Scars are badass." "Scars are poetic." "I'm begging you, little grey." "No, and please don't call me little grey." "(voice breaking) I'm in pain" ""down to the core of my being" pain," ""I'm going crazy" pain," ""scary, will this ever go away" pain." "Do--do you get that?" "Do--do--do you know what I" "Do you know what I mean when I--when I say that?" "Because this pain is "nd to scratch an itch" "That I ca-- I can't scratch,"" ""the pain of a thousand itches," and it's making me crazy." "Not "funny" crazy." "This is "bad" crazy, okay?" "It's "dark" crazy." "It's "make a suit out of someone else's skin" crazy, okay?" "Pain, little grey." "Pain." "I had sex with alex." "I had sex with alex, which I regret," "Okay, completely, because I am in love with mark." "I didn't think." "But I'm scar that I can't handle the daughter" "And the baby and the "mark's gonna be a grandpa" thing." "Why are you telling me this?" "I am in pain, too, is what I am saying." "I get your pain." "Don't you e that?" "I do feel your pain because I am in pain, too." "(elevator bell dings)" "I have pox between my butt cheeks." "Your "pain" does not begin to compare to mine." "Okay, out." "Just out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "(whimpers) (alex) what are you talking about?" "She's on this thing-- -okay, if you had to choose between the thing you love" "Surgery--and the person you love, which would you choose?" "You would choose izzie, right?" "Because you two are gonna get back together." "Shut up." "Wait, why do you have to choose?" "That doesn't matter." "You just do." "Which is it-- surgery or love?" "I want both." "That's what I said." "No, you--you can't have both." "Why the hell not?" "Why the hell is he here?" "I said he could be in here" "Because he'sin the whipple, too." "Okay, whatever." "Once again, you cannot have both." "You have to choose." "(izzie) choose what?" "Uh, my..." "My petcan got pushed back an hr," "So thought I'd..." "Join you for lunch." "Okay." "That." "You have to give up that-- learning the procedure," "Tuning out the world until you get it, like, you know," "Doing the procedure is the only thing that matters," "Like if you don't get to do it, you'll die." "That's what you have to give up." "For what?" "(cristina, meredith and alex)-love." "Why?" "Yeah, that's what I said." "Okay, that's not the point." "You know you couldn't do it." "You know you'd choose the procedur fine!" "If I had to choose, gun to my head," "I would choose surgery.Okay?" "Okay, well, thank you." "Is that so hard to say?" "I don't know, why is it so bad to say that out loud?" "Because it's crazy." "How--how-- it's crazy." "Surgery--it's just a job." "Oh." "It's just a job." "It's the thing you come home from," "Not the thing you come home to." "And if you lose your job, you get another one, 'cause there's always another one." "But..." "If you lose your love..." "If you think you're losing your love..." "Well, then suddenly, nothing else matters." "This is what you guys talk about during lunch?" "I'm with them." "Love comes and goes." "Surgery doesn't." "(pagers beeping)" "(scoffs) results are back." "You choose love." "Yes!" "Just did a perfect dissection" "Without lacerating the portal vein." "You gonna do that little fist pump in surgery, too?" "The tests showed a malignancy on your left lung." "It's called pleural mesothelioma." "And it's a cancer that surrounds the lining of your lung." "So what, you--you-- you cut out his lung?" "(alex) well, best-case scenario," "We won't have to remove any lung tissue except for the tumor." "Aaron, did you hear that?" "That's good." "Jeffrey, I'm not deaf." "What's the worst-case scenario?" "We get in there, and the damage is too extensive," "And we have to remove more." "My whole lung?" "That's the worst-case scenario." "But, yes, it is a possibility." "But it's also possible they won't have to remove any." "Okay?" "So let's stay positive." "Will you please shut up?" "I can't take your cheerful little vol" "Shoving positive thinking down my throat" "When my life is basically over." "(teddy) people do recover from things like this." "And then they go on to" "What?" "Go on to what?" "Live." "I won't have a lung." "I'm a singer." "So you see my problem?" "You can direct." "You can teach." "Like you?" "I'd rather die than spend two hours every day" "Listening to mediocre music majors doing their scales." "I know that this is a lot to take in," "And if you need time to talk or get a second opinion" "I want my lung." "Dr. Altman..." "I'm big..." "Too big." "I don't fit in airplane seats," "And as jeff is always telling me," "My feelings don't always fit the situation." "If my food is overcooked in a restaurant, I get enraged." "I want to kill the waiter." "But I don't." "I politely ask him to take my meal back" "And bring it to me the way I asked for it." "I spend my days making myself smaller," "More acceptable." "And that's okay," "Because at night when I go on stage," "I get to experience the world the way I feel it" "With indescribable rage" "And unbearable sadness" "And huge passion." "At night, on stage, I get to kill the waiter" "And dance on his grave." "And if I can't do that... (voice breaking) if I all I have left" "Is a life of making myself smaller..." "Then I don't want to live." "I don't." "And believe me, honey," "You don't nt me to live." "(woman speaking indistinctly over p.A.)" "Are you stealing sterile supplies?" "I need sterile instruments." "I'm not gonna get caught with my pants down" "Because this hospital can't get" "I get it." "I want to do something... (sighs) something I..." "Think is..." "I have a responsibility." "But I just..." "So what's stopping you?" "Meredith." "Ah." "The other half of the twisted sisters." "Is that what you call meredith and cristina" "The twisted sisters?" "Yeah." "(laughs) well, that fits." "So this..." "This thing..." "I could come out of it looking, uh..." "Pretty bad" "Like I did it for the wrong reasons," "Like I did it..." "For myself." "You know, in my experience, nobody goes into a battle" "Because they want to win a purple heart." "You do the right thing," "And sometimes that gets you a medal," "And sometimes it gets you killed." "How do you know it's the right thing?" "When it's the best thing for the most people," "The thing that..." "Keeps the most people alive." "(scanner whirs and beeps)" "How you doing?" "A little claustrophobic." "Well, focus on your breathing." "That always helps." "Alex, I have to know." "When mer called, she said you were moving on." "Have you..." "Moved on?" "I slept with someone." "(sighs)" "Damn it, alex." "We'll get through it." "Are u still there?" "I'm right here." "Can you hold my hand or something" "So I know you haven't left?" "I can't reach your hand." "Oh, yeah." "I can hold your foot." "Foot is good." "(laughs)" "(door opens)" "Look, derek, I'm busy." "I have a surgery in less than an hour." "Okay." "(bottle cap rattles)" "(liquid pours)" "You want me to drink that?" "No." "But I believe you will." "I'm gonna go, and you're gonna drink it." "You're gonna try not to, but in the end..." "You'll drink it." "I also believe that this wobe the first drink" "You drank today." "This tumor is huge." "I've never seen pleura this thick." "(alex) it's like a watermelon rind." "Damn it." "I'm gonna have to get rid of the lung," "The diaphragm and the pericardium" "With this tumor." "Yeah, that's..." "That's what I need to do." "That's what's advisable for optimal survival." "(monitor beeping rhythmically)" "But that's not what we're gonna do." "We are going to remove the visible tumor" "And we are going to treat the lung" "With--with intrapleural hyperthermic chemotherapy." "All right, karev," "Find out what bailey used in the procedure this morning," "And gather everything that I need." "Yang, you're gonna help me remove this tumor." "Uh, this morning, bailey said" "The hot chemo lavage was only indicated in abdominal surgery." "Well, sugarman at the brigham has been researching" "Its applications as it applies the pleural mesothelioma." "And he's a singer..." "And he needs his lung." "(beeping continues)" "You lookike hell." "Chickenpox." "Stay back." "I'm contagious." "I had 'em when I was 6." "(shoes clatter on floor)" "Mm." "What..." "Oh." "Mm." "Ah." "Oh." "Oh." "How was l.A.?" "Well, addison nicked one of the uterine arteries." "Oh." "But she was able to fix it." "Sloan's okay," "And the baby's gonna be okay, too." "Oh, good." "(sighs)" "I slept with addison." "I gotta tell lexie, right?" "No." "It's lexie." "She's so good." "How do you lie to a girl like that?" "Lie." "Really?" "Really." "Really?" "Yeah." "(sighs) oh, I hurt." "(grunts) here." "(groans)" "I got you covered, kid." "(laughs)" "(chuckles) (laughs) what are you doing?" "I'm gonna help you." "Mm." "Oh." "Oh, my g" "Oh, my..." "Oh." "Ooh, that's amazing." "No scar." "No, keep going." "Thank you." "Thank you, thank you, thank you," "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you." "You saved the lung, the whole lung?" "Yes." "Oh, okay." "Um..." "Well, now what?" "Well, now the work really begins." "This is gonna be a long recovery, but he should be fine." "(exhales deeply) does it make me awful to say" "That I'm just slightly disappointed?" "I guess I was sitting out here thinking," "Now he's gonna be like the rest of us," "Who teach and direct" "And do all the things he finds so demeaning." "You know what's demeaning?" "Loving a man, taking care of him," "Doinmaking sureing, his humidifiers are clean, 'cause god forbid his humidifiers aren't clean." "What's demeaning..." "Is loving a man" "Who thinks so little of you." "He's got an army of nurses," "So if you want to walk out of here, you can." "We'll take care of him." "You could go." "I love him." "You should hear him sing." "Nobody sings that well." "He does." "Yeah, see that stitch there?" "You just made the dude diabetic for life." "Okay, shut up." "I'm trying to concentrate" "Until the chief gets here." "(clears throat) dr." "Webber apologizes." "He got caught up in some sort of administrative something." "So let's dig in." "Patient ready?" "Yeah, we are all prepped and ready." "Just waiting on you." "Dr. Grey, care to open?" "Oh, actually, I was gonna open, dr." "Bailey." "Okay, sure." "Uh, dr." "Webber was going to let me do" "The pancreatic neck dissection, so I've prepped." "I don't believe you're ready for that." "I'll be doing it." "You're welcome to observe." "(clears throat)" "Go ahead." "(jackson) 10-blade." "I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to do the procedure." "Something came up." "It happens." "I'm not surprised about richard, though." "You're not a dumb person," "But right now, you're acting like one." "I am not going to turn him in." "Tacoma passed on izzie." "I did my best." "Just too much history, too many red flags." "If I went to the board, they'd make me chief." "The first thing I'd do is hirevens back." "It's your choice." "It's up to you." "(sighs) that should be me." "Don't be jealous." "They're just friends-- best friends." "I had the chickenpox," "And I told her I hadn't because..." "I..." "I find her miraculous..." "Breathtakingly stunning." "Just..." "I can't stop looking at her." "And I was afraid, with the ooze and the fevers" "And the scratching" "I-I just--I wanted to stay in the sexy part of things." "So I lied to my girlfriend, and now..." "He makes scratching look sexy." "Mm." "He makes everything look sexy." "(sighs)" "So you get it." "You didn't have to do that, but you did." "You get it." "What are you talking about?" "I choose surgery over a guy." "I'm not gonna apologize for it, especially to you." "You didn't have to save his lung." "The right thing would've been to remove it." "But the patient was clear" "That he didn't want to live without his gift," "And you get that." "I choose my gift." "I want to be great, and I want to learn from you." "I choose my gift." "Hey, how'd your surgery go?" "Great." "See?" "And you were all worried." "You're a rock star." "Speaking of which," "Do you know if derek has talked to tacoma yet?" "No, I don't." "Okay, good." "'cause I just got my scans back, and they're really good." "And so it would be great if he could mention" "That I am officially not dying of cancer when he talks to them." "I'm gonna get this job, mer." "I'm gonna get this job and I'm gonna get alex back" "And I'm gonna be myself again." "I can feel it." "Okay, I'm gonna go get derek and show him my scans" "Before he calls tacoma." "Okay." "Uh, you know, I-I-- I'll go tell him--derek." "And you go tell alex." "Okay." "(sighs)" "Okay, fine." "You can go to the board." "Just..." "(bell on door jingles)" "Sorry." "Car crash came in." "I got here as soon as I could." "Oh, that's okay." "It gave me time to get drunk." "Oh, so what's the occasion?" "You know, I thought beth was an idiot." "I mean, if we're being honest here..." "I didn't know that we are." "I mean, maybe not an idiot," "But just not good enough for you." "Oh, so how long you been here?" "You know, I'm sure that it wasn't easy for her..." "Teddy-- but do you know what she said to me once?" "She said that once you guys were married, she was done." "I mean, she was done teaching" "And she was just gonna start making babies." "And I remember thinking to myself," "Wow, I mean, does owen know you have, like, zero ambition?" "And then there's cristina." "There's cristina, who is exactly the opposite." "I mean, it would actually be funny" "If it wasn't so just..." "Not funny." "I mean..." "I get it." "She..." "She is beautiful" "And talented and kind of amazing." "She's right." "I get her." "Okay, I'm calling you a cab." "Can I get a cab?" "Okay?" "I get her." "Come on." "Let's get you home." "But she was willing to trade you..." "For me." "If I stayed, she said I could have you." "Hey." "How was your surgery?" "Uh, it was good." "It was, uh, it was fine." "It was..." "Here." "Want to see?" "(chuckles) I'm so..." "I'm so glad." "Hmm." "Oh." "I'm so glad." "It's like it never happened." "Yeah, but it did." "It all happened, iz." "You got cancer, and we got married," "And..." "You died and you lived again..." "(laughs)" "And you..." "You left, then you came back." "And we got through it." "I got through it." "And I'm on the other side." "Iz, I love you so much," "And I..." "Till I met you," "I-I used to think I just wasn't a good guy." "Growing up with my family," "I mean, that's what they told me." "But now..." "After all of it, I know that I'm a good man." "And I thank you for that," "Because I know now" "That I'm good enough not to deserve this..." "Not tohave to feel like this..." "Not to love you so much that I almost hate you." "I deserve someone who will stay." "I'm happy you're okay." "And I'm happy about your job." "And I want you to go..." "And be happy and not come back." "Meredith?" "(sighs)" "I'm sorry about the surgery." "I got caught up with paperwork and just" "You don't have to apologize." "You don't have to apologize for anything." "In surgery..." "The healing process begins with a cut..." "An incision..." "The tearing of flesh." "Where have you been?" "You just disappeared." "I left you, like, ten messages." "Are you drunk?" "Oh" "Wait." "What?" "What?" "What?" "You make me sad." "You think that surgery is gonna make you feel." "You think that a successful career" "Is gonna make you happy." "(speaks indistinctly)" "You think you know things." "You know things," "And nothing else matters, no one else matters." "People do matter." "I matter." "We..." "We matter." "So you don't get to toss me aside." "I won't let you." "We have to damage the healthy flesh..." "In order to expose the unhealthy." "It feels cruel..." "Hey." "Hey." "Uh..." "How did, uh, sloan's surgery go?" "I slept with addison." "Oh, thank go 'cause I slept with alex." "Oh, I was feeling so" "Well, you know how I was feeling... (chuckles)" "Which is why this--this-- this is great." "You know, we're---we're-- we're even." "We--we kind of canceled each other out." "You slept with karev?" "Yeah." "While I was dealing with my sick daughter?" "While I was hurting?" "Uh, well, you weren't hurting." "You were sleeping with addison." "You broke up with me, left me..." "And just..." "Wow." "I..." "I can't even look at you right now." "And against common sense." "Do you know what it took for me to make this happen?" "Please tell derek I'm really sorry." "This isn't about derek." "It's about me." "It's about us." "You don't just walk away from people." "You don't just throw people away." "I can't, meredith." "Okay?" "I can't be here." "Please." "Please try to understand." "I have to start over." "I need to start over, okay?" "Please don't go." "This is your home." "No, it's not, not anymore." "It's just a place I worked, and I can do that anywhere." "But it works." "You risk exposure..." "What are you doing?" "You'll..." "You'll get the chickenpox." "So..." "I get the chickenpox." "For the sake of healing." "And when it's over..." "Once the incision has been closed..." "You wait." "Did you see him before he left?" "No." "I didn't think it'd make it easier." "For him or for you?" "It's the best thing for him." "You knew that." "It was the only thing." "Well, let's not pretend you did this for him." "It's just you and me here, derek." "Yodid this for you." "In the choice between surgery and love," "You chose surgery." "You chose ambition today." "So did you." "You knew he wasn't ready to go b." "But you wanted to do that surgery so badly," "You were willing to overlook it." "We're the same." "You wait..." "And you hope that your patient will heal..." "That you haven't in fact..." "Just made everything worse."