" Hey, Ponch." "Wake up." " Why?" "What are you doing?" "Clocking a sparrow?" "She's beautiful." "Tall, tan, legs up to here." "You better keep your eyes on the car in front of you." "She wears these short shorts and little flip-flops." "And she's even got sexy feet." "Feet?" " How long you known her?" " She just moved into the trailer park." "I haven't met her yet." "Did you see what almost happened to me?" "It was only almost, Ponch." "I'm gonna give that bozo a piece of my mind." "And maybe more." "What's wrong, officer?" "I was only going 45." "Maybe 50." "Okay." "It's possible that I was going over a little more, but it's..." " But..." " Hey, mister." " When you're on the freeway, you..." " Hey, Ponch, the traffic, okay?" "Can I see your driver's license, please?" "But I don't understand how that happened." "I just..." " You lose something?" " A few hundred pounds of baby food." " Now are you gonna help or what?" " Sure." "Okay." "No problem." "Call Caltrans." "Tell them to get a unit to clear this up." "And will you take over here?" "We're supposed to be at central for a court call." "All right." "Okay." "When you get reloaded, just make sure that latch is secure, okay?" "Yeah." "I'll sit on it if I have to." "I'm sorry." "I could have sworn I locked her up." " There you go." " Thank you." "We're late." "Getraer gets nervous when I'm not on time." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, what's he gonna do?" "I mean, you're already on probation." "Yeah." "If he had his way, he'd put my whole family on probation." "Honey, look." "It's gotta be worth at least 40 bucks." "Chippies." "You folks need any help?" "We're fine." "Just a little trouble with a tire." "For your own safety, you shouldn't be on the shoulder any longer than necessary." "We're leaving now, officer Thank you." "We're clear." "It started." "Briefing's started." "We're not going out today." "We don't have to go to briefing." "I know, but nervous is nervous, and when he doesn't see me..." " ... he starts to think I'm in trouble." " That's just his overactive imagination." "I have a feeling he's gonna see you soon enough." "So the records of gasoline consumption and mileage have not been accurate." "Therefore the logs are gonna have to be adjusted." "The following officers will report to the clerk immediately following briefing." "Patterson." "Wilson." "Sylvia." "Johnson, T.J." "Poncherello!" "Get away from the door." "I said get away." "Excuse me." "Sorry, sarge, I couldn't hear you." "We couldn't hear him, right?" " No, actually, we're looking at these..." " Baker." "That's aiding and abetting." "I don't want to see that face." "Come on, we're not even on duty." "You're gonna get in trouble." "No." " Oh, give me some room." " No, Ponch." "Don't do it." "She's my project for the month, remember?" "How about Miss Trailer Park?" "Legs up to here?" "Remember?" "A bird in the hand, my boy, a bird in the hand." "Good morning, my lovely." "Not now, Ponch." "Sarge needs these reports." "Saturday night they got a great double bill at the drive-in." "Some of us stopped going to drive-ins when we graduated from high school." " Accurately you calculate your gas..." "This is a drive-in movie and a picnic, all in one date." " It's really far-out." " Poncherello." "Think it over, I make a terrific potato salad." "Ponch." "We did good today, babe." "Yeah, let's celebrate." "Let's get back to the campground." "Far out." "Today has got to be our day." "Hey, come on, let's go." "It's almost time." "Yeah." "For what?" "Lunch?" "No." "The Troubled World." "Come on." "Hey, Ponch." "This weekend, are you gonna work dark?" "No, Clark, I need the extra money." "And now, the continuing story of the people we know." "Neighbors of yours and mine." "The people living in The Troubled World." "Oh, you gotta be kidding me." "You mean to tell me you watch this stuff?" "Cari just told Bob she's leaving for Brazil with Susan and Jamie." "I'll read it when the book comes out." "Cari, don't tell me lies." "I don't wanna hear more lies." "Prove your love by staying with me." "But you know I love you." "I left George for you." "But not until I left Carla." "Cari, sometimes I doubt your words, doubt our future." "Sometimes I'm sure we have nothing together." "Bob, don't say that." "I can't bear it." "I won't hear it." "Then prove your love, stay with me forever." "I will, my dear, after we return." "No, Cari, it's if you return." "You know me better than that." "You know I never lied to you." "Haven't you, Cari?" "Haven't you really?" "Oh, Cari, I love you, I need you." "I want you here." "Now." "I can't, sweetheart, we've got a plane to catch." "Oh, every time we're close, I feel something good is about to happen." "You've got to be..." "You said you didn't want to see my face or hear my voice." "I can't think in there." "Well, it wasn't my voice." "I thought you'd keep him in check." "I thought I could depend on you." " Well, Cari told Bob..." " That she's going to Brazil..." "Please." "Jon, please." "I'm two cases short." "What?" "You gotta be kidding." "You know that baby food was on the way to the lab." "It was contaminated with botulism." "I know." "I probably lost them when I got this." "I gotta make a phone call." "Four were crouched behind their car." "It was just me and my bike against four men, two. 45s and two sawed-offs." "I pulled my gun, grabbed my mike and called for backup." "Then they opened fire." "I was hit by a bullet." "Oh, I hurt real bad." "I went down." "I got up and I got hit on this side..." "Oh, you girls..." "I was speaking very low." "Baker." "Both of you, out!" " But we're waiting for a call, sarge..." " Look." "Stand by at home." "I will phone you when the call comes in." "Good." "We'll both be at my place." "I don't care where you are, as long as you're not here." "Got it?" " Right." " Good." "Good." "Hey, why your place?" "I want you to see Melinda." " Melinda?" " Yup." "Oh, yeah, the one with the sexy feet." "Right." "And you'll get a free introductory lesson to the Poncherello School of Cool." "Hello, Henry." "That's a boy, that's a boy." "Feel better?" "What do you think I should use?" "Do I give her my Redford approach?" "Or maybe I'll be more continental, like Rex Harrison." "I just want to see her feet." "Well, maybe I'll try my Stallone." "Hey, hey, come here." "Hey!" "Hey, Ponch." "Oh, mister, don't open that hood." "Don't open that hood, whatever you do." "Don't open that hood!" " L.A. 15-7 Mary 3..." " Easy, take some deep breaths." "Deep breaths." "Gulp some oxygen." "All right." "Fine." " 7 Mary 3, 10-4." " You're doing fine." " So take it easy." " Keep it moving, come on." " Breathe some air." "Go ahead." " Oh, my God." "Randy." " Randy's in the car." " What?" " Randy, Randy's in the car." " Hey, hey." "You gotta do something." "Randy's in the car." " I'll get him." " Calm down." "Relax." "Easy, boy, easy." "Easy, boy, come on." "Come now, hey, hey." "Come on, come on." "Come on here." "Here, here." "Come on, let me in there." "Oh, no, come on, let..." "No, come on, easy, boy." "Easy." "Come on, let me." "Come on." "Randy." "Come on, come on." "No, no." "Come here, come here." "Come on." "Attaboy, easy." "Come on, Randy, come on." "Come here, come on." "Hey, hey, hey." "No, no, no." "Easy, boy, easy." " Go, boy." " Come on." "No, no, no." " Easy." "Come on, come on." " Come on." "Don't hurt him." " Come on, Randy." " Come on." "Be careful with him." " Don't hurt him." " Come on, get off there." "Come on." "Hold on, I'll get it." "They'll be all right, relax." "There, okay, I got it now." "Come on." "Come on, come on, get out." "Come on, hurry up, come on." " You got him." " Come on." "Come on." "Hey, boy." "Here, boy." "Oh, baby, you're all right." "Randy, you're okay, come on." "Oh, Randy." "Are you all right now?" "You didn't get burned." " Boy, I'm so happy." " Anybody hurt?" "Everybody okay?" "Yeah, we're fine." " Come here, boy." " I don't believe you." "Getraer's gonna have a field day with you." "I'm gonna give you a bath." "Randy, you're gonna be beautiful for the weekend." "Yeah, it's you and me, kid." "It's okay." "Come here, Randy." "Come on." "Give me a hug." "Attaboy." "Hey, Francis, I baked you a rhubarb pie." " All right." " How's that?" "Oh!" "Okay, Dirty Harry, we got you covered." " Got your own John Dillinger, huh?" " Yeah, and, like, Capone too." "Be it ever so humble." "Yeah, where is Miss Sexy Feet?" "She's in that nest over there." "Oh, well, you go on." "I'll wait here and observe." "Not like this." "This has to be done right." "Come on." "Well, I see you've cleaned this up." "Oh, yeah." "Here, why don't you have a seat over here, Jon?" " No, thanks." " You want a cold drink?" " Yeah." "What do you got?" " Let me see." "Got a little apple juice and a piece of watermelon left over from the Fourth." "July Fourth?" " Well, this is almost..." " Yeah, I know." "It's a little dried out." "I'll pass." "You know, I could do it like in the movies." "I could walk over and borrow a cup of sugar or flour." "Yeah, if you could find a cup." "Are you kidding?" "I know where everything is in here." "Lucky it was that pole and not my leg." "Now, what do you think?" "Sugar or flour?" "What happened to the Poncherello School of Cool?" "Well, I'm always open for suggestions, Jon." "Go up to her and say, "Hey, my name is Frank and I'd like to get to know you. " Take it from there, just be honest." "You're right." "You're absolutely right." "I'm gonna let her discover me." "I'll put these on and go outside and polish my bike." "Chicks can't resist a nice, shiny bike." "And me in these shorts." "There she is." "I can't see her feet." "Got it." "Dalecki's Baby Food." "One of my officers?" "Loose load cite?" "Not so far, but we'll check right into it." "Yes, sir, we'll start an immediate search for the two boxes." "Right." "15-5 Mary L.A." "11-82, southbound Harbor freeway at Exposition." "15-7, Mary L.A." "11-79, northbound Hollywood Freeway at Vermont." "Attention all units we are requesting all area agencies to assist in the search for two boxes of contaminated baby food." "The boxes were lost on the Golden State, southbound, near Ninth." "The food is contaminated with botulism." "Repeat, botulism." "I can't find the blue one." "Which goes best with these shorts?" "Come on." "You're not going to a fashion show." " You're going to meet a girl." " Yeah, maybe I don't need a shirt." "But then again, I do look good in purple." "Are you sure?" "No cites for a loose load on the Golden State?" "Of course." "Baker and Poncherello." "They came in this morning." "They didn't respond to the dispatches because they're not on their bikes." "They're at Poncherello's." "Does anybody have Poncherello's phone number?" "Yeah." "I shouldn't have let them go home." "I shouldn't have..." "I'm too nice a guy." "That's it." "I'm just too nice a guy." "You go to the drive-in very often?" "I don't have to." "I can watch it from right here." "Saves me a fortune." "How do you know what's going on?" "You can't hear it." "Well, during the winter, you kind of have to figure it out, read lips." "But during the summer, all the car windows are open." "It's like stereo." "Hey, how do I get my nickel back out of here?" "Mr. Nice Guy." "I'm gonna have my name legally changed to Mr. Nice Guy." "Boy, never again." "Never again." " Hey, sarge..." " Later, Park, later, later." "This is your noon news update, Larry McCormick reporting." "Today, on the Golden State Freeway two boxes of deadly baby food were lost." "This baby food is contaminated with botulism." "The boxes are marked "Dalecki's. "" "Why do I do that?" "I mean just..." "I'm too nice a guy." "I don't believe this." "Hey." "Hey." "Yeah, you." "What do you think you're doing?" "You were doing 68." "You know, I could give you a citation for that." "That's 13 miles over the speed limit." "Thirteen miles." "Do you know that?" "Yeah, all right." "Just keep it under 55." "And consider yourself warned and advised." "Boy." "Why am I such a nice guy?" "Now you stay by the window and watch." "Every move is a picture." "Now, go on by the window." "Is she still out there?" "What "Uh-oh"?" "Is she with another guy?" "What's he doing here?" "I don't know." "Maybe he heard about Melinda." "If he's here, it means we're in trouble." "But what did we do?" "We?" "Okay, who's been on the phone?" "Hi." "What happened?" "Did you guys have a fight?" "Ever hear of the earthquake of '71?" "Who's been on the phone?" "You're supposed to be reachable by phone." " Nobody." " You're supposed to be on court call." "We're here all the time, sarge." "Yeah, well, then why has the phone been busy?" "Move your feet." "No wonder nobody's called me all week." "You know, Poncherello?" "I could put another Form 2 in your jacket." "Hey, sarge." "What brings you out here?" "Baby food." "Not here." "Did you guys cite a baby food truck?" " Yeah, we did." " Yeah, loose load." "We almost got killed." "Well, that loose load contained contaminated baby food, botulism." "There are two boxes missing." "Either they're out on the road or someone picked it up." "Do you remember anybody or anything?" "I was seeing double from my steeplechase ride." "Look, guys, think." "It's important." "That stuff's poison." "I wrote the cite but..." "Fritz called Caltrans and he stayed to clean things up." "So maybe he remembers." "All right, I'll call Fritz." "You two guys get back to Central." "But you sent us home, remember?" "Yeah, but I want you where I can reach you." "Henry getting hungry?" "Oh, yes." "How's it going, Henry?" "Oh, that's a boy, it's okay, Henry." "Hang on." "We're almost at the campgrounds." "You all set...?" "Hi." " Hi." " It's kind of hot." "I thought you might like some." "Thank you." "You live here?" "Yeah." "No, not really." "But my partner does." "I kind of hang around here a lot." "It's nice to know your neighbors." "Especially when they're police officers." "Yeah, I think so." "Well I gotta run." "You can return the glass anytime." "Sure." "Thank you." "Hey, old buddy, did you set me up, huh?" "No." "Here we go again." "Yeah, let's just stay away from the flying boxes." "Yeah, isn't this where we cited the truck?" "Just up ahead, I think." "Let's take a look around, okay?" "What about your buddy Getraer?" "He won't miss me for another five more minutes." "This is important." "I'll check the divider." "See anything?" "You?" "The boxes could've jumped the divider." "Could be." "Pull it over." "What's the matter with you boys?" "You want to get yourselves killed?" "May I see your driver's license, ma'am?" "I was so afraid, seeing you." "You boys ought to learn to study those posted signs." "Ma'am, you were using an off-ramp to get on the freeway." "And no wonder." "With those itty-bitty signs." "Now, you talk to your police chief." "Oh, no, no, no." "We're not L.A.P.D., see, we're State Highway Patrol." "Well, better yet." "Then talk to the governor." "Watch out." "I'll write this one." "It's all mine." "And you boys stop speeding along on those motor things." "You'll get hurt." "Tell that to the governor, will you?" "Hey, give me that." "Never mind, Ponch." "Excuse me, ma'am." "Will be with you in a minute, okay?" "You can't write her a citation." "I can write her three citations for what she did." "You can't write her." "She's angry." "She's angry at us." "She's angry at the itsy-bit..." "The signs." "She's angry with the state." "She won't sign the ticket, she just..." "She won't accept it." "Hey, the kid, huh?" "I can tell." "Okay?" " I'll hook her up and take her down." " Take her down." "What you gonna do?" "Tow her in?" "That's gonna do a lot to beef up your arrest record." "Excuse me, ma'am." "Until we have time to do something about those signs maybe you can be a little more careful, okay?" "Now, if you could just slide over." "Nice Officer Poncherello will help you turn around, okay?" "You be careful now." "We don't want to get hurt." "She gave me a cookie." "But it's for you." "But we're still gonna have to have DMV retest her." "For me." "Hello, Henry." "That's a boy." "That's a boy." "See, Daddy?" "Daddy?" "Henry." "You know, I wonder if some kids might have picked up that baby food." "Maybe, but the way those boxes were bouncing out of that truck they could have gone anywhere." "Oh, no." "There's that couple." "Remember that couple yesterday with the flat tire?" "Of course." "Scavengers." "That's it!" "They must have hung around." "I think we're getting senile." "Not me." "Oh, what happened?" "What did you do now?" " We know where the baby food is." " Where?" " A gypsy van." " A school bus." " Hey, slow down now." " Scavengers." "Slow down, slow down." "Hold it." "Now, tell me about it." "After we cited the baby-food truck about half a mile further, we saw a school bus..." "Converted school bus, gypsy van, loaded like you can't believe." "Gotta be freeway scavengers." "Headed south on the Golden State." "Attention all units." "The contaminated baby food dropped from the truck this morning was possibly picked up and carried off in a converted school bus." "The bus is described as pre-1960 still official yellow color." "The lettering has been painted over." "When last seen, a canvas tarpaulin tied to its roof." "Well, they could be anywhere." "It's late." "They gotta stop to camp for the night." "There aren't many places a vehicle like that can stop." "They usually can't afford the regular trailer camps." "You know, they stop up in the Santa Monica canyons a lot." "Yeah." "They use the open areas alongside the road to camp." "Okay, right." "You two take Topanga Canyon." "I'll send other units to help." "Barkley, take Malibu Canyon, all right?" "Hold it." "There's an accident this side of the tunnel." "Took an hour to get a tow truck up." "Another one's hung up there." "It's a big mess." "Motor's the only way through." "Okay, you go." "And you two better go too, since you know what it looks like." " Make sure you hit the side roads, right?" " Okay." "There's a rest area up ahead." "I'll take it." "I'll ask over here." "It's a yellow school bus." "I heard it on the radio, but I ain't seen no school bus." "Thank you." "You kids, now, give me this." "All right, get in back." "Stay back there." "You stay up here." "Leave your brother alone." " Give me that." " Excuse me, sir." "What do you want?" "I'm looking for a yellow bus." "All right, give me that squirt gun." "Look, all I'm looking to do is get out of here." " Get up in the front." " Thank you." "Yellow school bus, have you seen one?" "Thank you." "Are you sure you didn't see a school bus?" "Okay, I'll talk to you later." " Nothing." " Me neither." "Tapia Park's just over the hill." "Let's check that out." "There it is." " What's wrong?" " Well, that baby food is poisoned." "L.A. 15-7 Mary 4." "Code 33." "Attention all units." "Code 33." "All frequencies clear." "Go ahead, 7 Mary 4." "We found the baby food." "It has been eaten by an infant." "We're in Tapia Park on Malibu Canyon Road." "We'll need our copter to get the baby out." "The canyon is all jammed up." "Negative, 7 Mary 4." "The CHP helicopter is halfway to Palm Springs on a blood run." "Sheriff has a chopper out of Malibu." "Let's get it!" "10-23, 7 Mary 4." "This is CHP to Station B." " How's it going?" " Hang in." "I'm trying to get a chopper." "7 Mary 4, negative on the sheriff's helicopter." "It's at Aero Bureau in Long Beach." "Its ETA would be 20 minutes." "7 Mary 3, contact UC paramedics and advise victim eight months old, weighs 20 pounds." "Ingested approximately three ounces of pudding within the last 10 minutes." "Respond with instructions." " 10-4." " My baby." "What can we do?" "They'll tell us." "Hey, you know, he's cute." "What's his name?" " Henry." " Henry?" "You know, I got an Uncle Henry." "Looks just like you." " L.A. 15. 7 Mary 3." " This is 7 Mary 3." "U.C. Medical says the baby should have its stomach pumped immediately." "Imperative." "Antitoxin must be administered." " We have to get him to a hospital." " Don't worry." "We will." "Send an ambulance to Malibu end of the canyon." "We'll meet them there." " 10-4." " Carry or lead?" "I'll carry." "Come on, Henry." "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "You'll go with big Jon." "Hang on, Henry." "Hey, screw you, cop." "Get over there." "Easy." "Easy, Henry." "Come on." "Here." "Take it easy." "Attaboy." "Hey, his name is Henry." "He's still in recovery, but the doctor says he's gonna be okay." "What about the baby food?" "It's all accounted for. 15-8's got it." "You put in a good day, fellows." "There is one other thing." "I hate to bring it up but you'll have to cut down on the personal calls at the office." "But we weren't even there to make any calls." "Oh, its not making them." "It's getting them." "This isn't a personal answering service, you know." "You mean I got a personal call?" "There are three messages here from a Melinda." "See that?" "I knew it." "I knew she'd call me once she saw me." "No, no." "They're not for Poncherello." "They're for Baker."