"_" "Virgil Ante." "Yeah!" "He's such a badass!" "You all know him as the dark, gothic poet warrior fighting a corrupt civilization in a city gone mad." " Yeah!" " But I thought that was kind of a bummer, so I changed it up." "Behold!" "My new Virgil Ante-- migrated south from Grim City to Miami, FLA." " Is this some sort of a joke?" "!" " Kind of part Don Draper, part" " Batman." " Judas!" " You're welcome." "Questions?" " Oh, this stinks!" "Yeah?" "Virgil Ante is a dark avenger." "He can't live in Miami." "Well, he doesn't live in Miami." " He lives in Coconut Grove." "Next!" " What about the villains of" "Grim City?" "Who's he gonna fight?" "Club Kid, Paparazzo, Lebron James." " I have a question." " It's Crowley Morehouse!" "Oh." "If it isn't Crowley Morehouse, my ex-partner." "Virgil Ante is my character." "I birthed him with pen and ink," " and you stole him away." " I didn't hear a question in" " there, Crowley." " Fine." "Here's one." " Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" "!" " Yeah, you should be ashamed!" " Yeah, you ruined it!" " I think my head's gonna explode." "Diego!" "♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "Out of my way, nerds!" " Piper, what do we got?" " Head explosion." "Witnesses videotaped the event, cut it together on their iPhones, and then uploaded it to the internet." "Yeah, but have you seen the remix?" "My head's gonna explode." "My head's gonna explode." "My head's gonna explode." " Jessie, what do you got?" " Looks like a brain bomb?" "Does it look like a brain bomb, or is it a brain bomb?" "I need answers, not excuses, Jessie." "This is Tad McMilrthy, my second-favorite graphic novelist of all time." "I always wanted to meet him." "Doing his autopsy is the next" " best thing." " These comic books are" " so misogynistic." " Tad McMilrthy's own brains on a first-edition reboot-- it's got to be worth a fortune." " I'll give you 200 bucks." " I'll give you $400." "Sorry, boys." "This is going in my private" " collection." " OCD Detective, what do" " you got?" " Um, well, the murderer was definitely in the room." "He was, uh" " God, please stop making me work these crime scenes." "They're so dirty!" "I got to get back to therapy!" " Hey, great job." " Ah, come on, man!" "Geez." "Oh!" " Oh!" "God, ugh!" " Whoa." " Who is that magician?" " That's" "Crowley Morehouse, my first favorite comic-book author and" " our number-one suspect." " Well, bag him and board him 'cause this guy's a collector's edition, and I want" " to keep him gen mint 10." " I didn't follow that." " I did." " Now I'm gonna ask you one more time!" "In English, what... is... your..." " plan?" "!" " Cormamin lindua ele lle." "SAM, you know over 10,000 languages." " What is he speaking?" " Um, Spanish I think." "Damn it!" "It's not Spanish, man!" "He's not cooperating." "With no evidence to link him to the murder, we're going to have to cut him loose." "If he didn't make McMilrthy's head explode, who" " did?" " Intel suggests a terrorist group called Fan Boyz." "The "Z" means that they are indeed crazy and don't subscribe to the normal rules of grammar." "They're comic-book purists, and they worship Crowley Morehouse" " like a God." " Comic-book store was most likely a trial run." "Their next target will be" " somebody at Comic-Con." " Shut up, Jessie!" " Kove does speeches." " Gail, what does your" " women's intuition tell you?" " Mm, I just have a feeling they're gonna strike today." "And I have a feeling there's still something going on between you two." "Really?" "Trent, you and Piper go to" "Comic-Con." "Keep your eyes open for" "Fan Boyz." "They always wear the Virgil Ante" " mask and hat." " Where did Kove go?" "This is impossible." "We'll never find the bomber in this haystack of nerds, geeks, freaks, and cosplay fans." "Come on!" "Damn it!" "There are Fan Boyz everywhere!" " Oh, boy." " I can't get anything out of morehouse." "He just keeps saying, "tuvah," " tuvah."" " That's Uvish!" " What's Uvish?" " Virgil Ante's secret language." "Only he speaks it." " Only he knows it." " Well, good luck finding anybody who speaks that language." "I'm fluent." "Cameelo flan!" "What does that mean?" " It means vámonos!" " What does that" " mean?" " It means, "let's go."" "Now, what does that mean?" "Thank you very much." " Oh, yeah." " Mr. President?" "50 bucks for a picture, 30 if you want me to sign." "If you want me to make eye contact, it's 60 bucks." " Sir, you write comics?" " Hell yeah, I do!" "Kids today will buy anything so long as it's got a set of" " knockers in it!" " That is so cynical." "What kids really need is quality stories, not just mindless TA." "Excuse me." "I have a question about "POTN"" " issue number three." " What?" "!" "You established in the first issue that you had a three way with Penny Poison and Katrina Evil." " Uh-huh." " Then in issue five, you said you wished you had one." "Which is it?" "I told you continuity nerds to stay away from my booth!" "Agh!" "Guly guly guly rojo trajio gunia." "Maca-too golalily la." " Thank you." " What the hell did" " he say?" " He keeps saying the guilty will be purged in the fiery river of vengeance, but he" " won't say when or how." " I was about to say that." "Maybe it would be a good thing if Comic-Con did get" " blown up." " Alphonse, that's terrible!" "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" "The detonator's activated!" " Do you know what that means?" " That we should get" " the hell out of here?" "!" " No, it means the bomb is activated by the question, aren't you ashamed of yourself?" "Oh, my God, Comic-Con!" "The QAs!" "Hey, Jessie, what's Uvish for, you're screwed?" "!" "Gnar gnar poopie bahr?" " No?" " According to Jessie, we just need to figure out which one of the speakers the Fan Boyz" " is targeting." " Which one of them is bastardizing a beloved Comic-Book property?" "According to this guide, all of them." "Damn it!" "We're not Ryan Seacrest." " We can't be everywhere at once." " Well, I would love to help you, but I gots to go." "Hank Schiller's doing a QA about how he's turning his classic comic "Lucifurious" into" " a Broadway musical." " Wait a second." ""Lucifurious," comic, musical, turning, Broadway, lyrics." "Into?" "!" "Hank Schiller's the target!" "Oh, no, dude, I'm turning this property into an e-book, a video game, kids cartoon." " We're doing a series of movies." " Excuse me, Mr. Schiller." "Hang on." "I'm your biggest fan." " Can I give you a hug?" " No thanks." "I don't-- aah!" "Hey, man, get off me!" "Ohh!" "I just got hug-raped by some nerd bear!" "Anyway, dude, sorry about the long message." "Give me a call back when you get a chance, okay?" "Later!" "Remember, the question triggers the bomb's timer." "When he stops answering, it" " detonates." " Got it." "Anything else?" "Also, can you ask him if Lucifurious' father is also" " his son?" " What?" "!" "No." "Got to go." " Hello?" "Hello?" " Who was that?" "Jessie." "What'd she say?" "She told me about the brain bombs." "What about the brain bombs?" "I'll tell you when we stop running." "Why can't you just tell us now?" "!" "'Cause I can't run and talk at the same time!" " You're doing it now!" " No, I'm not!" "Some people say the reason I turned "Lucifurious" into a musical was because I was paid $20 million." "Nothing could be further from the truth." "I was paid $25 million." "Get it right, guys." " I have a question." " Nerd with a mask." " Let's do it." " Aren't you ashamed of" " yourself?" " That's the trigger question!" "If making $25 million is shameful, then I don't want to be proud." " All right, I think we're done here, right?" " No!" "Schiller, you have a bomb in your brain, and it will explode" " if you stop answering questions." " I do hear a beeping." "It's getting faster, so please ask me a question, I guess." " Okay, uh, how are you?" " I'm, uh, I'm pretty scared right now." "I'm gonna be honest with you." "I don't know what to do." "I've never had a casual conversation in my life." "Come on, please, please, help me!" " Okay, um, uh..." " It's getting faster again." "Where'd you get those ties?" " I have an idea!" " The ties?" "Yeah." "Okay, okay, I buy them at a" " place in Pasadena." " Innocent lives are at stake." "_" "There is no solution." "If Schiller wants to live, he must answer questions for the rest of his life." "And then they're gonna retcon that he was a robot the whole time?" "!" "What am I-- an idiot?" "!" "Hey, beardo, you're coming with me." " Oh!" " What I do ask?" "Come on." "Uh... hey, man, I need you to ask another question!" "Calamari or potato skins-- which one do you like better?" "Calamari or potato skins-- which one do you like" " better?" " C-calamari." "Your mother-- what" " was that, uh, whole thing about?" " Her being my parent?" "!" "Your questions are terrible!" "Keep asking me questions!" "How did you get here today?" "How many fingers am I holding up?" " What's your favorite drink?" " Baseball player!" "I'm freaking out!" "One can only assume that because it's called french toast, it was made in France." "Shirts-- for or against?" "What?" "!" "I-I'm for shirts-- for men," " against shirts for women." " If you had the choice between meeting Shamu or going to a Padres game, what do you" " pick?" " Can I do anything?" "!" " It's videotaped." " Okay, then the Padres game" " The Padres game, obviously!" " Mamas pants, unicorns, p-pretzels, the president, JFK assassination!" " I like Jack." "I can't talk." " Please, somebody ask a question!" "Do you hear this?" "!" " My voice..." " Please don't do" " this to me!" " I've got someone who has a question!" "In issue 18 of "Lucifurious Unbound," he uses the fork with his right hand." "Was that a commentary on the" " U.S. shift to conservatism?" " Oh, thank God." "This country and this book is moving towards the right." "Was the hell war-- was that the Iraq war or the Afghanistan" " war?" " The unfought war with Iran" " that is imminent." " Do you think that's gonna" " happen?" " Absolutely, and it will be chronicled in the next "Lucifurious" book." "San Diego Comic-Con has once again been saved." "Thanks to Trent and Piper's plan of pairing Schiller with a super fan, he'll be answering questions for the rest of his life, which will now be a very long life indeed." " But that was my plan!" " Stay in your lane," "Jessie." "Trent and Piper saved the day." "I'm just glad it's over with." "I couldn't take anymore of that piggish exploitation of women." "Speaking of which, by way of a thank you," "Hank Schiller has sent us all advanced copies of his newest graphic novel." ""Piper's Peril."" "Ugh, this is..." "actually very, very good." "And the likeness is just-- it's like they took a photograph of" " me." "How did they..." " Oh, God!" "Agh!" "Get me out of this thing!" "I got to take a piss!" "I got to take a wicked piss, man!" "Come on!" "I don't know!" "Does he wear a cape?" "!" "Does he?" "!" "I don't know!" "What?" "Yes!" "Stool!" "Chair!" "Chool!" "Stair!" "I don't even know what I'm saying anymore." "Fella, you just asked, do I like drawing books, and while I appreciate that it stopped the bomb, this is a comic-book convention." "You're like a next-level idiot."