"Previously on "Being Erica"" "You know, most people, they have a few regrets." "I got tons." "Erica." "Erica!" "I'll be back at christmas." "He was twenty-one when he died." "Erica, you are a doctor-in-training." "I feel like you're setting me up to fail." "This process is not going to be easy." "But I am starting to understand the bigger picture," "How everything that I've learned with you, it fits." "You're almost there, Erica." "So you wanna open a fiction department?" "I do." "I've been thinking about" "What it would be like to retire from therapy." "When you leave, you leave." "You must sever all ties with your patients, and with me." "Forever." "Everything that has a beginning, has an ending." "Day turns into night," "Summer fades into fall." "We know in our hearts, that much as we would wish it otherwise." "In a world set within time, there can be no beginning without an end." "'morning, beautiful." "Good morning." " Coffee?" " Oh, no, thank you." "Nervous?" "It's weird meeting our first novelist." "It feels like a beginning, you know?" "Like the start of a whole new..." "Chapter." " Can you...?" " Yeah." "You've wanted to work in fiction forever, and now it's happened." "I know, but I've read so many manuscripts, and none of them felt right until this one." "It's..." "It's a sign." "This is the one that I've been waiting for." "I know the feeling." "Mm." "Oh my god!" "Careful." "Whoa!" "I don't think you should stand there." "Oh!" "Well, there's another sign for you." "Uh, yeah, that it's time to call the landlord." "When a big chunk of ceiling almost falls on you," "I think it's a hint that it's time for us to move." "Us?" "As in..." "As in you and me?" "Yeah." "You and me." "How about it?" "A place together, a real home, something of our own." " Seriously?" " Seriously." "What do you think?" "I think it's a great idea." "Jana, this manuscript, it's such a moving story." "I mean, what was your inspiration?" "Well, um, I wanted to explore the transformation of a 30-year-old woman who felt unsatisfied, and like life was just..." "passing her by." "Yeah, it's a really inspiring story." "You know, Dave, he told me I had to read it." "He said that I would love it, and I do." "I'm sorry." "Uh, Dave?" "As in Dave Schneeberg?" "Yeah." "Next-door Dave." "Goblins Dave." "Of course." "Okay, Dave and I were in a relationship a very long time ago, and my husband has jealousy issues." "I'm jealous because you make me jealous." "For the last time, Dave is gay!" "Erica, are you all right?" "Oh yeah, chicken, you look a little pale." "Um..." "I'm okay." "I'm just..." "I'm just gonna go over to Goblins and..." "Low blood sugar." "I'll get a muffin and I'll, um..." "I'll be right back." "Oh, my God." "There was just flashes and none of it made any sense, and it was like I was outside of my body," "And like..." "I have such a headache." "Yeah, that can happen the first time." "The..." "The first time, what?" "The first time that you connect with a patient." "What?" "No, that's..." "I mean, that's not what this is." "It can't be." "It can..." "And it is." "Training's done." "It's time." "You're about to become a doctor." "Being Erica 04x11 "Dr. Erica" Original air date:" "December 13, 2011" "♪ it's clearer inside of me ♪" "♪ who I will always be ♪" "♪ open me up to my heart ♪" "♪ feels like I'm seeing in the dark ♪" "♪ waking me up to my life ♪" "♪ to do it all over ♪" "♪ again and again ♪" "♪ until the end ♪" "♪ the sum of my dreams ♪" "♪ and everything I ever wanted to be ♪" "A doctor?" "Already?" "I mean, that's..." "That's impossible!" "It's just too soon." "Hmm." "Well, this is how it goes:" "You train, you learn, you practice, and then, when the time is right, it just begins." "Did..." "Did you see that?" "Uh, no." "No." "This is your patient, your visions." "My patient." "Okay, can we just slow things down here a little?" "Yeah." "You know, I..." "I asked Dr. Naadiah the same thing, my first time." "And you know what she said to me?" "She said, "when the doctor is ready, the patient appears."" "Okay, but, dr." "Tom, I don't..." "I don't see a face." "I..." "I don't know who this person is." "I know; that's normal." "The visions will increase in clarity and in intensity, until finally, one day, you will witness your patient hitting the bottom." "The bottom?" "Their metaphorical death." "And that's when..." "It's time for you, to step in and introduce yourself and this therapy, and hope that they accept your offer." "This is crazy." "I have..." "I have a patient." "Mm-hm." "Wait a minute, does that..." "Does that mean that I get to go..." "Whoosh..." "like you?" "You know, no limits?" "You can whoosh like me." "No limits." "Wow." "So..." "Why don't you take us somewhere?" "You mean just right now?" "Yeah, sure." "My hands are shaking." "Uh, where should I take us?" "Anywhere you like." "You know what?" "Start with your office." "Whoa!" "I think that I need to, um..." "Sit down." "I mean, it's like like someone went shopping in my subconscious, in my dreams." "Who did this?" "You did." "This is the most perfect room" "I could ever imagine." "It's lovely." "Dr. Erica." "What?" "I wondered if... maybe you'd like me to leave you alone." "You know, to explore, and, you know, think, and get used to all this." "Um, sure." "That's probably a good idea." "Okay." "Um, Dr. Tom?" "If I have any questions though, about any of this," "I can still come and see you, right?" "If I need some guidance, I can still come to you?" "Of course." "Oh my god." "You would not believe the morning I've had." "Sorry I'm so late, my two favorite bosses... aside from Hugo..." "And if you wanna dock my pay," "I totally get it." "No favoritism here." "Brent, calm down." "What's going on?" "My doggy daycare chose to go belly up this morning," "So..." "It's either take-your-dog- to-work for two days, or the streets," "And since Duchess here is a lady and not a tramp, she'd never make it." "Yeah, I'm not sure." "I think Erica might have a problem with this." "What?" "Are you kidding?" "No, it's fine." "Itty-bitty Duchess." "Who's a cute little wrinkly-poo?" "Look, Suchess will be our new team mascot." "Huh, Julianne?" "Yeah." "Yup." "Sure." "Yeah, no Cruella de Vil here." "Just as happy as a flea in a dog house." "You two?" "Life savers." "Right, Duchess?" "Hi." "Can we help you?" "Uh, yes, I'm here to see Erica, actually." "Uh, doctor, um..." "Mr. Tom." "Sorry, I must've forgot that we had a meeting." "Maybe we could go next door and meet over lattes?" "Dr. Tom, what is going on?" "You never do that." "You never come and get me like that." "Erica, please, sit." "Did something happen?" "Or did I do something wrong?" "No, no, you didn't." "Just..." "Then why are you acting so weird right now?" "Erica, please!" "Sit down." "I'm sorry." "I, uh..." "Okay, I've gotten off to a bad start here." "Could we just back it up a bit?" "Start again?" "Sure." "Okay." "Uh..." "I've... uh..." "This is something that I should have told you when I saw you earlier, but..." "I've made a decision." "And before I even tell you what it is, there are some things that I would like to explain to you." "Just by way of context, you know, so that you'll understand." "Okay." "I..." "Come here." " What are we doing?" " Just uh..." "Look at me." "You've been given the chance to live." "I'm marrying a wonderful man who is so smart." "You can't put our relationship ahead of your job!" " Amanda!" " I'm calling a lawyer." "She broke my goddamn heart." "Tom?" "Is that you?" "Amanda!" "I'll give you a call." "I guess I just don't wanna be left again." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "What did you see?" "I saw so much." "I could feel... what you're feeling." "Mm-hmm." "You're in love?" "Yes..." "I am." "Wow." "That's..." "I mean, that's great." "That's..." "That's really great." "I'm so happy for you, Dr. Tom." "Thank you." "I'm happy, too, you know, for the first time in a very long time." "Which brings us to my decision." "So, please..." "Okay." "Uh..." "So it's become clear to me that I can't do both." "I mean, I can't live my life with Amanda and, commit fully to this therapy." "And if I could, Erica, I would, but, you know, I..." "I can't." "And so..." "So I've decided that it's time for me to..." "To move on." "To move on." "I'm going to retire from my work as a doctor." "You know, so that I can focus on living my life." "And I hope that you can understand." "This has not been..." "an easy decision." "Of course, I understand." "I..." "And I'm happy for you." "You..." "You deserve this." "Well, there's more." "Um, I am going to have to say goodbye," "You know, to time travel and, you know, to therapy, and, uh, this office... and to you." "What?" "!" "Every beginning has an ending, Erica, and this therapy's no different, you know." "We..." "You know, we start as patients, and we make a commitment, right, to see things through to the end, and when that end comes," "we leave." "We don't look back." "So, I mean..." "what're you saying?" "I'm saying that after I leave, you and I, won't be permitted to see each other... ever again." "I can't see you..." "Ever again?" "As in..." "As in never?" "I want you to know, Erica, this... this has been a real struggle for me." "Of course." "I mean, I'm sure." "Well..." "This is, um..." "This..." "It's..." "It's good." "You have done so much, and you need to live your life." "And you deserve to be happy." "And I guess, um..." "Dr. Naadiah, she will, uh..." "she'll take over and... uh, answer any questions that I might have, or give me some advice." "Sure." "No, of course, someone will step in." "Someone..." "Sorry." "I mean, I shouldn't..." "Erica..." "Sorry, this is hard enough..." "I'm sorry," "This is hard enough on you already, without me, you know, bawling my eyes out." "Just give me a minute." "Um..." "I just..." "I just think that, uh, maybe I should go and then I'll come back and we can talk again when I've gotten a grip, and..." "Is it okay if I go now?" "Of course." "Come in." "I can't do this." " Can't do what?" " Leave!" " Tom..." " I'm abandoning her." " You're not." " Yes, I am." "And this is an all too familiar feeling, okay?" "I've made this mistake before." " With Sarah." " Yes, with Sarah." "But Erica isn't Sarah." "When the doctor is ready..." "The patient will appear." "Yeah, I know." "But what if you're wrong?" "Erica has just begun." "She needs me, Dr. Naadiah." "Erica is not your responsibility anymore." "You have to let her find her way." "No." "No, I can't do it." "Ooh, yes, you did..." "Yes, you did." "Daddy loves you." "Oopsy doozey, gotta run." "I have a meeting with Mischa in 10." "Oh." "You don't mind watching Duchess for me?" "Brent, I don't know, I've got a crazy day." " Ooh." " Oh, she won't bother you." "Oh, I'll be back in a hour." "Uh, this'll be a good opportunity for you two to bond." "And she may have to do a number one, fyi." "Okay?" "Brent!" "Brent!" "I hate you." "I'm sorry, what?" ""I hate you." that's what she's saying." "She feels you're trying to take her place in Brent's heart." "I did some pet psychic work in university." "Oh." "Okay, wait a second." "This is ridiculous." "Okay, go amuse yourself, okay?" "Go." "Go, go, go, !" "!" "Go!" "No, no, no, we'll put the japanese maple right beside..." "Erica!" " Adam..." " Hey, what's wrong?" "I didn't know who to talk to, and I just really wanted to see you." "It's okay, it's okay." "Just slow down." "Why are you upset?" "Um..." "I'm upset because Dr. Tom, he..." "He told you." " You know?" " Yeah, for a few days now." "He told me because he was afraid you'd be... upset, you'd take it badly." "I mean, what if we just asked him to wait, you know, just a little longer." "Just until I can..." "Erica..." "We need to let him live his life, not guilt him out." "It's a mistake." "No, look, I wouldn't be guilting him out." "You know what?" "Maybe you should just..." "just go back to work." "Erica..." "No, and I'll see you in a little bit, okay?" "Okay." "Erica." "I think congratulations are in order." "Thank you." "I um..." "I..." "I need to speak with Dr. Tom." "Yes..." "Dr. Tom." "Seems you've both arrived at the same conclusion." "He's just informed me that he wants to delay his retirement." "What?" "No comment?" "Well, what do you want me to say?" "You... you obviously know how I feel." "What do I want you to say?" "I want you to say that you'll fix this." "Me?" "Fix this?" " Yes." " He made a choice." "Asking me to convince him of something that I don't even want?" "If that's what you need, then I'm sorry," "I'm not the girl for the job." "You're the one who's keeping him here, so you're the one who has to help him go." "I can't." "All right, then." "Your final lesson." "Good luck." "Uh..." "Uh..." "Okay..." "Toronto Island, do you remember that?" "Leo?" "I can't believe you're here." "I don't even know where... where "here" is." "I mean... what..." "what is this place?" "It's my life, Erica," "From beginning to... end." "And everything in between." "But, I mean, how did you get here?" "After the fire, I woke up in this hallway, and, and I've been here ever since." "But, Leo, that was..." "that was 15 years ago." "15 years ago?" "No." "Erica, that was days ago." "What, do I look like I've been here 15 years?" "Anyway..." "This place is awesome." "Let me show you." "These doors, every single one, leads to a different day in my life." "Any memory you can think of, there is a door that will take you there." "Ever wonder what it'd be like to be a kid again?" "Wai..." "Hey, silly billies, come here." "Muah!" " Are you hungry?" " Yeah." "I have crackers and..." "Juice!" "Are you the juice monster?" "Tickle monster!" "I'm gonna tickle you." "Love you so much!" "Oh, my God, that was..." "Incredible, right?" "This door leads to summer camp." "This door leads to my bar mitzvah." "And this one... leads to that trip we took to Paris with mom and dad, when we were kids." "Remember that?" "Remember that crepe place?" "Uh..." "It was near..." " Where was it?" " The Louvre." "Right!" "Uh, are you hungry?" "We could go, right now." "Oh, you know what, Leo?" "I..." "I don't know." "What?" "I'm sorry, but this is what you do?" "You just go back and, you re-live different days of your life, over and over again?" "It's awesome in here." "I'm surrounded by memories and people I love." "I mean, is there a way out?" "A way out?" "Erica, I don't wanna leave." "What about that door?" "Where does that go to?" "I don't know." "What do you mean you don't know?" "This..." "You said this was a hallway of your life." "It leads to the next thing, whatever that is." "But, um... forget about that door, and tell me..." "Where do you wanna go?" "Anywhere you want." "Erica." "Aren't you curious?" "No, I'm not." "At all." "Don't!" " Leo!" " Why are you ruining this?" "This place is amazing." "I'm trying to share it with you." "No." "This place, it's not amazing." "It's..." "It's sad." "Wait." "Where are you going?" "I don't want to talk about this." "Look, leo, please, just please, I'm..." "I'm worried about you." "I'm fine." "No, you're not fine." "This..." "This isn't a life." "This is you holding on to something that's... already over." "Maybe you should go." "Leo, please..." "Seriously, I don't want you here anymore." "Fine." "Then I'll go." "Leo!" "Leo!" "Leo!" "Leo, he's trapped, and I have to go back there and I have to help him." "He'll leave when he's ready, Erica." "He's not trapped, not in any physical sense." "Leo is free to leave that hallway whenever he wants." "No, but, Dr. Naadiah, that's just the thing." "He doesn't want his life to be over." "I mean, he's doing everything that he can to hold on." "You're misunderstanding." "He's not resisting the end." "He's resisting the beginning." "Of what?" "Of whatever comes next, whatever's on the other side of that door." "And what's on the other side?" "I don't know." "No one does, until you walk through it." "And Leo will, Erica." "He will when he's ready." "Leo is resisting moving on." "And you wanted me to convince Dr. Tom, the way that I tried to convince Leo, but, Dr. Naadiah, they are two different things." " Are they?" " Yes, Leo..." "I mean, Leo's stuck, he's... he's treading water and Dr. Tom is nothing like that." "Dr. Tom is on the cusp of a major change, Erica." "Amanda is a door, and he needs to open that door and walk through it." "What do you think will happen if he doesn't?" "What happens when we don't allow ourselves to change?" "We stagnate." "Yes, we do." "When we resist the change that wants to happen, that needs to happen, we do more damage than we realize." "We violate the natural order of life." ""There is no constant but change."" "Leo, he's resisting the beginning," "And, um..." "Dr. Tom and I are, we're both, in... in our own ways, we're..." "We're resisting the end." "Tina, we loved Jana." "She was great." "All right..." "If you were just my boss, I would zip my lip, but, girlfriend, this will not stand!" "Okay, Tina, we've got a 9-1-1 here." "I'm gonna call you right back." "Okay, bye." "What?" "I leave my baby in your care, and I come back to find her, in Goblins, being fed cookies?" "!" "Duchess has a sensitive tummy." "Okay, a) I didn't know that." "And b) I know I said I'd watch it..." "What do you think Duchess is?" "A hobby?" "A toy?" "I know you hate her." "I hate her?" "Brent, she hates me, okay?" "She turned my $300 dollar purse into a chew toy." "She growls at me non-stop." "She's a dog, that's what dogs do." "They can't help themselves." "So what do you want?" "You want me to take Duchess back to the breeder?" "Or drop her off at the pound?" "This relationship is us, Julianne." "You and me." "And so far, it's been all you." "We have to keep our relationship a secret," "You want me to get rid of my dog..." "Well, I never said that." "Brent:" "No, but the thought crossed your mind." "We're Brulianne," "Not Julianne." "You don't get to call all the shots." "Brent, you know me." "I'm type-a," "I'm headstrong..." "Well, then, this is an opportunity for you... to learn how to change." "Erica." "Hi." "I'm, um, not interrupting?" "No, no, no, not at all." "In fact, I wanted to..." "I wanted to talk to you about something." "It's good news." "Dr. Tom, me first, okay?" "Okay." "I said that I wanted you to do what's right for you, but... but the truth is," "Is that I never wanted this to end." "Well, that's what I wanted to tell you." "It doesn't have to end, Erica." "Not yet." "I've talked to Dr. Naadiah and I can put this off." "No, Dr. Tom, you can't." "No, I can." "I can wait, Erica, until you're ready." "Well then, you'll wait forever." "Because honestly," "I will never be ready for you to go." "I know that this is right, and I know that I'm gonna miss you so, so much, but..." "I also know that I'm..." "I'm gonna be okay." "Huh." " And you're...?" " Yes, I'm sure." "Erica Strange." "Taipei." "Silly fingers." "Cassidy Holland." "Oh!" "Leo." "Yom kippur." "Lozar." "Oh God, Lozar." "You remember him?" "Here are your snowflakes, Erica." "Little bitty, tiny snowflakes!" "Oh, wow!" "You're really good at that." "Really." "Too good, actually." "You're giving me flashbacks." "You know what, Dr. Tom?" "You keep that." "No." "I can't." "It's yours." "Thank you..." "For changing my life." "Thank you for changing mine." "I've had many patients, Erica, but none who were as special to me as you." "Oh my god, I feel like if I started crying" "I might never stop." "Like I just may cry forever." "Do you have a quote for that?" "Mm." ""Everything that has a beginning, has an ending." "Make your peace with that and all will be well."" "The buddha." "All will be well." "I'm proud of you, Erica." "I am so happy for you, Dr. Tom." "And now we say goodbye." "Goodbye, Dr. Tom." "Goodbye, Erica." "Okay." "Here goes nothing." " Hey!" " There she is!" "Hey!" "How excited are you?" "Muah!" "Hey, have you been crying?" "Uh, no, just allergies." "Oh." "Two words:" "Antihistamine." "Or maybe that's one word." "Anyways, let me show you your new home." "Oh..." "Southwest exposure, to-die-for views of the city," "Rooftop pool and patio." "Any outdoor space of our own?" "Mm-hm." "A balcony off the master." "Oh..." "Wow." "How about I give you two lovebirds some space?" "Talk things through." "Thanks, Jenny." "You okay?" "Sad." "But I will be okay." "And you were right, letting him go," "It was just..." "It was the right thing to do." "I know." "So...?" "Is this our new home?" "I don't know about you, but I love it." "I do too." "Latte, please." "Sorry about the cookies." "Duchess is just too cute, we couldn't help ourselves." "We feel terrible." "Trust me, you two are not the guilty party." "Hey." "Can we talk for a sec?" "Can we sit?" "Um..." "Yeah." "So..." "I know I was a little impatient, earlier, with Duchess." "But in my defense, I'm not an animal person and I haven't spent that much time with your dog, so I'm a little green." "But I'm sorry." "If you hate her, I don't know what we'd do." "Well, I don't hate her." "Okay, that's not true." "I do kinda hate her." "But, I used to hate you, and look how that turned out." "So I'm taking steps, right?" "Um..." "Yeah." "So I never had dogs growing up, but I did have dolls, and I figure she's kinda like a doll, only furrier." "Pink's her favourite colour." "Yes!" "She looks gorgeous." "Thank you." "You love me more than her though, right?" "Yes, I do." "Duchess!" "We all have to work on this, capiche?" "Oh, my God." "Sarah Wexlar?" "So..." "What happened?" "Heroin." "I'm sorry to hear that." "Nurse says I'm lucky to be alive." "I don't feel so lucky right now." "Well, I would have to agree with the nurse." "You are lucky, Sarah." "You're more lucky than you realize." ""In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity."" "Albert Einstein." "I don't usually do quotes," "It's not really my style, but, this one really seems to fit the moment, so there you have it." "I'm sorry, but you're a doctor, right?" "I am a therapist." "I don't need a therapist." "Really?" "Because it looks like you need something." "No offense, but you don't know me." "Your parents are Tom and Marjorie Wexlar." "Professional, high standards, type-a personalities, unhappy marriage." "You cracked under the pressure and you ran away from home," "And you got hooked on heroine." "You came back, you robbed them blind, and you ended up in jail." " How did you..." " How did I know?" "The same way I know that you stopped dreaming when you stopped painting, Sarah." "Your life went off track and, you think that you'll never find your way back." "But I'm here to tell you that you can." "Who are you?" "I am someone who wants to help you." "♪ we were an earthquake ♪" "♪ and we made the world shake ♪" "♪ now that it's over ♪" "♪ I've opened up my eyes ♪" "♪ without you with me ♪" "♪ I'm just doing time ♪" "Everything that has a beginning has an ending." "Just as every ending creates space for something new to begin... ♪ and I'm alive, alive ♪" "♪ alive for the very first time ♪" "♪ don't have to try, to try ♪" "♪ to try for the very first time ♪" "♪ and thank god you can turn it back like me ♪" "♪ until you run as far as you can see ♪" "The wonder of second chance, the miracle of new life," "the joy of a new love." "My name's Erica Strange, and today is the end of one chapter, and the beginning of the rest of my life."