"What have you done to Fireman Freddy's spaghetti station?" "Uh, you know, someone ordered sauce on the side..." "Of everything." "I left you in charge." "You care to explain?" "Yes." "The problem here is you are not the best judge of who to leave in charge." "I want an explanation." "Actually, I think what you want is a moist towelette." "Okay, one explanation coming up." "♪ You're nothing but trouble but trouble's what I like ♪" "♪ got a whole lot to figure it out so why start tonight ♪" "♪ just take a picture of me taking a picture of you ♪" "♪ making the face that makes me laugh ♪" "♪ and you start laughing too ♪" "♪ and when the world looks upside down ♪" "♪ just flip the camera the other way around ♪" "♪ 'cause this will be the time of our, time of our lives ♪" "♪ we're taking the world by surprise ♪" "♪ hang on it's a crazy ride ♪" "♪ yeah, this will be the time of our, time of our lives ♪" "♪ and even when it don't feel right ♪" "♪ know that you're doing just fine ♪" "♪ 'cause this is the time of our lives ♪" "Check it out." "I got an A on Mr. Leach's Spanish test." "I'm so excited for you." "You know, that was such a really hard test." "I actually got an A+." "Huh." "What?" "You like to one-up people." "I love you, but you're a one-upper." "No, I'm not." "Yes." "I just beat Logan, 6-4." "Oh, that's nothing." "Yesterday, I beat him 7-1." "Mm-hmm." "What's up, party people?" "Jasmine thinks I'm a one-upper." "Tell her I'm not." "Oh, I would, but I'd be lying through my teeth." "I have something important to tell you guys, unless Lindy has something more important to tell you." "All right, I get it." "I have to get a job." "Shhh!" "Don't say the J-word so loud." "I told my parents you had to be 21 to get a work permit." "But my mom thinks I have too much free time." "So it's either go to work or she's putting me back in pageants." "And if I have to cover myself in body glitter and parade around in high heels one more time," "I'm gonna puke up a tiara." "Oh, do they give everyone a tiara just for participating?" "That's how I got my spelling trophy." "Excuse me." "I was a winner." "Miss Double-Jointed." "You know, when I was little," "I actually won the Little Miss..." "Never mind." "Uh, sorry, kids." "Little bit of a mix-up." "You're kind of sitting in our spot." "If it's your spot, how come our butts are on it?" "Let me handle this." "Look, you seem like a nice kid..." "Back off, twitchy." "I am not twitchy." "Ah, you know what, let's just stand." "Look, it took us 2 1/2 years to earn that couch." "I'm not just gonna surrender it to some fifth graders." "Fourth." "I got held back..." "For stealing a teacher's car." "Look, kid." "We don't want any trouble." "Well, maybe I do." "Leave us alone." "These big boys are bothering us." "Hey!" "What's going on over there?" "Start running, ladies." "You heard him." "Run, lady." "Run." "This job hunt is impossible." "Well, I just found you the perfect job." "Of course you did." "Where?" "At that store, One-Upman's?" "Here, take a look at this." "They're hiring at Fireman Freddy's?" "Oh, we loved that place when we were kids." "Remember, they had the fire hose that pumped out tomato sauce?" "I have the happiest memories from there." "And birthdays there were the best." "Remember the slogan?" "Why have a lame party..." "When you can have a flame party!" "Hey, kids, who wants more sauce?" "I do, Fireman Freddy." "Keep it coming." "♪ It's your birthday sound the alarm ♪" "♪ 'Cause having lots of fun won't do you no harm ♪" "♪ So blow out the flames burning on your cake ♪" "♪ But if you stuff your face too much ♪" "♪ You'll get a tummy ache ♪" "Aah!" "Ugh, those old nightmares about that demon dog." "Not funny." "Bad Delia!" "That place was awesome." "Remember the bathrooms had those little hydrants?" "You know, you'd just lift your leg and do your business." "Those hydrants were next to the toilets." "They were trash cans!" "Perfect." "Part-time hours." "No experience necessary." "Lindy, you did it." "I think I'll make a great hostess." "Excuse me?" "Hostess?" "As in the first person people see when they walk in?" "The one with the big, warm, welcoming smile?" "That's me." "Hi, mom." "But I don't want to be in a pageant." "I don't care if sparkly dresses and tap shoes are on sale." "I'm getting a job interview!" "Hostess?" "What's that girl thinking?" "She wouldn't be that bad." "Well, I don't think that we should talk..." "She's a little unique, but it's charming." "Well, I mean I don't..." "Okay, maybe she'll need a little coaching before the interview, but she'll get there." "I highly doubt..." "Yes, I may have to spoon-feed her every answer, but with my help, she'll nail it and get the job." "What are you guys talking about?" "What a great hostess you're gonna be." "I mean, this one couldn't shut up about it." "Wow, this place is exactly like I remember it." "Tacky, run-down, with the stink of old lasagna and wet diaper." "Which is exactly what you shouldn't mention in the interview." "You know, remember what we talked about?" "It's more important to be interested than interesting." "I don't know." "I think I'll just be myself." "Absolutely." "Or maybe a little less than yourself." "Sorry." "Didn't mean to alarm you." "Welcome to Fireman Freddy's." "I am legally obligated to tell you" "I'm not a real fireman." "Not so necessary." "This is Delia." "She is interviewing for the hostess position." "So are you fired up to work here?" "You don't talk like that all the time, do you?" "Because it gets old fast." "Oh, that girl with her off-kilter sense of humor." "Is she a comic or is she a hostess?" "She's both!" "She's a stand-up who'll sit you down at your table." "So, Delia, you have any questions about the job?" "Yeah." "Can I have it?" "Oh, um, what are the hours?" "'Cause I would hate to run into anybody I know here." "And I say that in a very interested way." "If you don't hire her, I will." "You seem like a delightful young lady." "I am." "I can also tap dance and hold a phone with my foot." "Oh, well." "I'll tell you what." "Why don't you fill out an application with your hand, and I'll get back to you." "What about the interview?" "Oh, that's not necessary." "I can tell she's a real people person." "Nailed it!" "All right, meet me after football practice." "We got to get to rumble juice before that punk and his posse of prepubescent thugs take the couch." "You know, I'm kind of over the whole smoothie thing." "I read about this raw veggie bar in Skokie." "It's supposed to be amazing." "Are you afraid of them?" "Well, any new beverage is a little scary at first." "Remember my first coconut water?" "I'm talking about the kids." "Oh." "Oh, no." "Yeah, they freak me out." "Would you man up?" "You're right." "Come on." "Let's go beat up some little kids." "You know, emotionally." "Hey, Delia." "Ooh, honey..." "Boo-boo." "Delia!" "If you can hear us through all the hair and makeup, blink twice." "It's for a new routine." "I'm even wearing tap shoes." "My mom is making me enter the Miss Teen Waukegan Pageant unless I hear back from Fireman Freddy." "You know, I feel awful for her." "Me too." "Does she know it's School Picture Day?" "Welcome to Fireman Freddy's." "I'm legally obligated to..." "You know what?" "Sit wherever." "We're short-handed." "I'm not here to eat." "I came to talk about my friend Delia." "Who?" "The girl who can answer the phone with her foot?" "Charlie, how many times do I got to tell you, don't trim your beard in the kitchen!" "Oh, someone will be with you in a moment." "They're just short-handed." "Can we get some help, please?" "We're out of napkins." "You know what?" "Welcome to Fireman Freddy's." "I hope you brought your appetite, 'cause it's about to be extinguished." "You know, I highly recommend the heat-balls." "Can I start you off with some complimentary fire poles?" "When can you start?" "What?" "You're a natural born hostess." "I can use someone just like you." "You know who's just like me?" "My friend Delia." "The weird one who never wants to be seen in my restaurant?" "Yeah, she'd be a great hostess!" "No, you're hired." "I can't steal a job from my friend." "Well, it's not stealing if she never had it." "And she wouldn't have it a million years." "But you on the other hand are Fireman Freddy material." "Non-flammable, of course." "That's very flattering, but no." "I'll give you 10 dollars an hour and a plastic fire hat with your name on it." "I'm sorry, I just can't." "You know, I remember you." "You had your sixth, seventh, and eighth birthdays here, didn't you?" "Yeah." "Yeah, they were amazing." "Some pretty happy memories, huh?" "You know, in all my years," "I have never seen a smile as big as yours." "Now imagine that same smile on your face every single time you show up for work." "What do you say, Lindy?" "Welcome to Fireman Freddy's!" "Who's ready for some five-alarm fun?" "Whoo!" "Let's show 'em how it's done, Flame-y." "I did the worst thing." "Trust me." "I did something even worse." "How can you one-up me without knowing the one you're upping?" "I took the hostess job at Fireman Freddy's." "So what did Delia say when you told her?" "Well, I haven't yet." "I'm still waiting for the right time." "Well, unless there's a two-legged pony coming down the stairs, I think that time is now." "Hey, Deelz." "I'm glad you're here." "So good to see you." "Um, I really need to talk to you about something." "Just give me a second." "I'm still reeling from what happened this afternoon." "What happened?" "I'm in the cafeteria, I grab the last pudding." "Butterscotch." "But then I forget the spoon." "So I put the pudding down and when I come back a second later, the pudding is gone." "Then I notice that Kara Bloch suddenly has pudding." "Yes, butterscotch!" "She knew it was mine and she went behind my back and stole it from me." "And the worst part is, she calls herself my friend." "Whew." "You know, maybe she didn't actually steal your pudding." "Maybe it was never yours in the first place, and someone else offered it to her, and if she hadn't taken it, it would've sat there, uneaten, for months, getting that thick," "ugly skin on top that nobody likes." "Why are you taking her side?" "Well, I'm not." "But maybe she loved that pudding when she was six, seven, and eight, and it brought back wonderful memories." "What, is Kara Bloch suddenly your new best friend?" "There's something I need to tell you." "And you're not gonna be happy." "It's about Fireman Freddy's." "Ha!" "That's the other thing." "I called." "They gave my hostess job to somebody else, and I'm really ticked off." "Almost as ticked off as the time they took that tick off of me!" "So what's your bad news about Fireman Freddy's?" "You know, I'd tell you, but I'm really working on that one-upping thing." "Oh, you." "You're always trying to do the right thing." "That's what makes you such a good person, Lindy." "Oh, good." "They're not here." "Guess we scared them away." "Oh, yeah, we're bad." "Okay, you hold down the fort." "I'll order the smoothies." "But you must maintain physical contact with the couch at all times." "I will be one with the couch." "Oh, no." "A spill." "Must have napkin." "Napkin's too far." "Must keep foot on couch." "Napkin's more important." "What?" "Snooze, you lose." "Where did you come from?" "Well, when a mommy and daddy love each other." "Guys, look." "That's our couch." "This is our place." "I mean, they love us here." "They even know us by name." "Hey, rugby, hoodie, drinks are ready." "Rugby and hoodie?" "More like Mary-Kate and Ashley." "Rugby and Hoodie are our nicknames." "We're like family." "Thanks, Paper Hat!" "What did I tell you two?" "Leave Carl, Bradley and Hector alone!" "Seriously?" "You know their names?" "I texted her last night, but I never heard back." "Oh, yeah, she was busy working." "Working?" "Working..." "Out." "Working out." "Lindy doesn't even belong to a gym." "You didn't let me finish." "Working out... side." "Working outside." "Digging up what she thought to be treasure, but turned out to be..." "She took your job at Fireman Freddy's!" "Hey, Lind." "Oh." "Hey, Deelz." "Oh, sorry." "Did I alarm you?" "No, no." "Not at all." "Just wanted to say hi-drant." "What?" "Just wanted to say hi." "So anything new-dle?" "Excuse me?" "Anything new?" "Oh, I love your nail polish." "Is that fire engine red?" "Jasmine told you." "Big-mouth." "I can't believe her!" "I know." "It must really hurt to have a friend betray you like that." "No, come on, I didn't betray you." "Oh, you're right." "You just stole my job and lied about it." "Oh, I mean, I just hid it from you." "Technically, that's not the same thing." "You had to take that job so you could one-up me." "What?" "No, I'm the one who found the job for you." "I'm the one who took you there, who coached you and then went back there and begged Fireman Freddy to hire you!" "Yeah?" "And how did that turn out?" "Not so good for you?" "Okay." "This ends here." "This ends now." "We are not leaving until we get that couch back." "It's Mary-Kate and Ashley territory." "All right, dirt-weasels." "Get your butts off our couch or you'll be sorry." "Edna, Sylvia, are these punks bothering you?" "Whose names don't you know?" "Chill." "We can wait it out." "They're old." "They're not gonna stay long." "That's true." "I hate to do this, Fireman Freddy, but I have to quit." "What?" "You can't." "I just can't do this to my friend." "It's driving a wedge between us." "But, Lindy, I got a big party coming in tonight." "I'm counting on you." "I'm sorry, but the answer is absolutely, positively no." "Really?" "A little boy is coming in here tonight expecting a Fireman Freddy birthday party." "You remember how that felt?" "The big broad smile across your face?" "I don't know." "Maybe you're right." "Maybe... maybe not everyone is lucky enough to have a flame party." "Maybe some kids are just destined for a lame party." "Oh, you're good." "Okay, fine." "I'll stay." "But just for this night." "That's my girl." "Now rally the troops." "Hey, guys, let's whip this place into shape." "Dial it down a notch, blondie." "You're making the rest of us even more depressed about our life choices than we already are." "Come on." "I mean, we give little kids their birthday dreams." "Isn't that why we're here?" "I'm here because I stupidly dropped out of college and they have dental." "I remember you from when I was a kid." "Okay, you had so much spirit." "I know you can reignite that flame." "Let's hear the song." "♪ It's your birthday ♪" "♪ Sound the alarm ♪" "♪ Go home ♪" "And something else." "That's not the Mona I remember." "Turn that frown upside down." "I thought you said they had dental." "Okay, battalion, man your stations." "We got a big party coming in." "Who's fired up?" "Oh, I'm fired up, Chief!" "Whoo-ooh!" "I'm a fire truck!" "Clang, clang, clang!" "Now that's the attitude." "Kiss-up." "Well, I got to go get some supplies." "So while I'm gone, you're Chief, Lindy." "Wow, everybody!" "He put me in charge!" "Oh, I see." "You're one of those one-uppers." "I've been here 17 years and he promotes you?" "You know what?" "I'm out of here!" "Who's with me?" "No, no, no, no, wait!" "Oh, Flame-y, come!" "No." "Flame-y, stay!" "Here, boy!" "Here, boy!" "Oh, come on, guys." "I can't do this alone." "Don't stay for me." "Stay for the sweet, little innocent birthday boy." "Pump up the sauce hose, clowns." "It's my B-Day!" "Yeah, yeah!" "All right, all right!" "Okay!" "All right, stop it, stop it, stop it!" "Stop." "Okay." "Look, I know you're just kids." "Okay, and you're just trying to have a good time, but I am only one person and I'm doing the best I can." "So if you calm down and give me a chance, we can get through this party together." "Are you with me?" "Okay, okay!" "Help me, help me, help me!" "Ah!" "The couch is ours at last." "Oh, come on." "We got to go help Lindy." "All right, stop it or I swear" "I will flush that birthday cake down the hydrant!" "Fireman Logan and fireman Garrett to the rescue, Chief." "These poles used to be a lot taller." "Thank you guys so much for coming." "Logan, man the sauce hose." "Got it." "Garrett, I need you to be Flame-y the dog." "Woof!" "I'm here, too." "What should I do?" "Re-fill the punch glasses." "Done." "Hey, can I get my cake and my song before my next birthday, spaghetti fetcher?" "I got to get your stupid cake then I'll sing you your stupid song." "Birthday song!" "Birthday song!" "Birthday song!" "Birthday song!" "Birthday song!" "Birthday song!" "Hey, firefighters, who's ready for some five-alarm fun?" "Delia!" "You showed up." "Of course." "Garrett texted that you were getting pummeled by a room full of 10-year-olds." "I couldn't miss that." "Look, I'm sorry." "I already quit the job for you." "I'm just here helping for the night." "So am I." "A little Dalmatian told me someone's having a party!" "Whoo-hoo!" "♪ It's your birthday ♪" "♪ Sound the alarm ♪" "♪ 'Cause having lots of fun won't do you no harm ♪" "♪ So blow out the flames, burning on the cake ♪" "♪ But if you stuff your face too much ♪" "♪ You'll get a tummy ache ♪" "Peace out!" "Whoo!" "Delia, that was amazing." "It better be, 'cause I'm singing it for the Miss Teen Waukegan Pageant." "Jasmine, it's me!" "How do you know my name?" "!" "How does he know my name?" "!" "Ow!" "Hey, that hurts!" "Hey, sauce lady." "I got dry noodles here." "Hit me." "I'd be happy to." "Oh, yeah!" "Whoa!" "What in blazes is going on?" "!" "Sorry!" "So that, in blazes, is what's going on." "Anyway, now that Delia and I have worked everything out, if you want me, I'm all yours." "You're fired." "Okay." "So what I'm hearing is..." "There's an opening?" "Miss Teen Waukegan." "If for any reason Miss Teen Waukegan is unable to fulfill her duties, the crown will pass to the runner-up of this year's pageant." "And the runner up is..." "Miss Delia Delfano!" "Man, I really thought I had this one." "And now, the moment you've been waiting for." "The winner of this year's Miss Teen Waukegan is..." "Lindy Watson!" "Fine." "I may have a little one-upping problem." "Thank you." "Thank you."