"♪ We are the Crystal Gems ♪" "♪ we'll always save the day ♪" "♪ and if you think we can't ♪" "♪ we'll always find a way ♪" " # that's why the people # - # of this world #" " # believe in... # - # Garnet #" " # Amethyst # - # and Pearl #" "♪ And Steven!" "♪ 1x13 - "So Many Birthdays"" " How can you live like this?" "!" " It was fine till" " you guys started whining." " Whining?" "!" "The whole temple reeks!" " I found it!" " What manner of magical alloy is this?" " It's a burrito." " It's the tuna burrito from Aqua-Mexican!" "That place closed like 5 years ago." "Huh?" "What's this?" "It kind of looks like you guys" " and my Mom." " Oh, Steven, that is us!" " Really?" " The hard part was getting the shark to pose." " Why's everyone dressed like old-timey people?" " They are old-timey people." "W-wait." "But that would mean..." " How old are you guys?" " Much older than any human." " Does that mean you'll live forever?" " No, no." "We don't age, but we can still get hurt and die." "But not from food poisoning." "I just can't believe you guys are like a bazillion years old!" "How do you find a cake big enough for all those candles?" " We don't really celebrate birthdays." " Why not?" "!" " It's not our way." " Well, I can't just ignore this tramesty of unjustice!" "I pledge that you will have your birthdays!" "With all the candy, cake, and ice cream you've been denied!" "And the birthday queen is..." "Amethyst!" "I hope you like it." "Dad made me this outfit and it brings me special birthday luck every year!" "♪ It might as well be your birthday ♪ ♪ so why don't we have a party?" "♪" "♪ even if your age isn't real ♪ ♪ and your body's an illusion ♪" "Hey!" "It goes like this." " Lion, you're killin' me." " Um, Steven..." "I know you put a lot of effort into... putting faces on things, but could it be we're just a tad... mature for this ritual?" " Boop!" " Oh!" "You will remove that" " this instant!" " Wait!" "Here!" " Aww!" "I'll use it all the time!" " No!" "It's for the piñata!" "The piñata is an artifact from ancient aqua Mexico." "Am I... getting..." " close?" " Higher." " What next, Steven?" " Well, you were supposed to get" " delicious candy when you broke it open..." " Wait." " You had candy you didn't just give it to us?" " There will be more sweet treats at Pearl's party." "I promise." "Happy birthday!" " Honk!" " Steven, that is a brave look." " No, it's funny!" " How?" "Uh..." "Oh, geez, I'm breaking character." "Wait, wait, wait!" "I wrote some jokes!" "Why did Pearl throw butter out the window?" " You did what?" " To see a butterfly!" "I never did that." "Steven, are you telling lies?" "N-no!" "Oh!" "I know." " Pearl, do you like pie?" " I do like pie." "Well, you're in luck!" "I baked you a pie!" " I sure hope nothing happens to it!" " Yes, me too." " Wh-whoops!" " Whoa, Steven!" "I've got you!" "Be careful." "You almost fell right on that ..." "See, Pearl?" "It's funny!" "Pearl says she's all partied out" " and she's ready to go home." " This isn't going at all like it should." "I've got to pull out the ultimate birthday." "Okay, there's no way you're not gonna love this!" "It's kazoo racers!" "You get in a car, you play a kazoo ..." "What more could you want?" " Dad used to do this for me every year." " I think this is why" " aging makes humans die." " Steven, thank you for the birthday parties," " but I don't think we'll need any more." " Why not?" "Our age is only an illusion." "And Pearl's pretty sure this ritual is" " more for human children." " Nothing against children!" "Children?" "Everyone gets to have birthdays!" "Seriously." "Give it a try!" "You're never too old!" " We're just too big." " You're not too big." " Y-y-you just get in and then, uh..." " I can fit!" "Which way to the baby war?" "Eat tread, dirtbags!" "What if birthdays are just for little kids?" " What if even I'm too old?" " No way." "You totally fit!" "Oh, my bad." "You are too old." " Are you okay?" " I just need to think." "Kazoo racers suddenly seems undignified." "I never realized birthdays meant leaving things behind." "All these parties..." "Ugh!" "So embarrassing." "Oh, onion... so young, so innocent." "Whackerman Jr.!" "Aww..." "I can't be seen playing childish games like Whackerman Jr." "I better stick to sophisticated games like regular Whackerman." "It's whacking' time!" "You're gonna get whacked!" "Ohh!" "That was fun, but a boy on the cusp of manhood can't spend the whole day whackering." "I need to take control of my life." "It's time to get a proper job!" "But which one?" "Surf master?" "No." "Love doctor?" "I'm too squeamish." "Ah!" "Now this is the job for me." "Ha." "This day went so fast." "I need a pick-me-up!" " Two of the usual, please!" "I've had quite a day." " You must be confused, pal." "I work here every day and I've never seen your mug before." "Oh, hardy-har, Lars!" " Huh?" " I used to make jokes!" "But you know what?" "I've had a lot of time to think today, and sometimes you got to smarten up, act like an adult." "'Cause one day, if you don't, everyone you know is gonna grow up without you!" "And you won't have little Steven to pick on anymore because I'll be a grown-up, too!" " Steven who?" " Steven Quartz Universe!" "And I want that doughnut, right there!" "Oh!" " Sir!" "A-are you okay?" " I'm old!" " Yeah, and nuts." " I'm gonna have to eat fiber cereal." "All my teeth are gonna fall out." "And then I'll have to eat oatmeal, and it'll be sugar-free!" "Sugar fre-e-e-e!" "I need to reverse this!" "I need... a reverse birthday!" "The king costume." "Will you help me into my birthday suit?" "Yeah, you better run!" "Ohh!" "I'm... too old..." "for this." "Lion!" "You know ..." " Steven was right." "This is fun." " You don't have to" " keep wearing that stuff." " It makes me feel... important." " Steven!" "What's wrong with him?" " He's okay!" " He's just really, really, really, really old." " Gems can't die from aging..." " But he's half human." " Can't we fix him?" "My birthday suit might help." "Good as new!" "Right?" "Thanks, guys." "But I guess this suit's all out of birthday magic." "We had a good run, huh?" " More birthdays... now." " Check it out, b-day boy!" " Heh, I'm a tiny car!" " Beep beep." "Kids... stuff...?" "Eh, piñata time!" " It's not working!" " Pearl, get over here!" " I can't!" " For Steven!" "Oh, look..." "I have what, uh ... what appears to be... a delicious pie!" "I sincerely hope that... nothing happens to..." "Oh, Steven!" "Are you trying to kill him faster?" "!" "Pearl!" " Garnet!" " Garnet, stop!" "I thought violence..." "would be the answer." "I think the party approach was working." "Would you guys just... please... control yourselves?" "!" "Uh..." "Oh, no." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have yelled." "But I can't stand to see" " you freaking out like this!" " Wha...?" " Steven, you're changing!" " Your age is fluctuating!" "I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind!" " Steven, stop feeling old!" " But I wasted your time." " We all have such little time..." " Steven!" "You have to feel like yourself..." "sweet and considerate" " and only occasionally obnoxious." " Do you really think I'm all those things?" " Yes!" " Why else would you throw us all those parties?" "Oh, my gosh." "You're right." "I am pretty great." "Oh, Steven!" "Steven!" "We'll work on the rest later."