" MAN: you're late." " I know, I'm sorry." " I-- there was a lot of traffic... slate, please." " traffic." " slate." " uh, Liam Liu." " profile." "So, you know Kung Fu?" "Uh..." "What color belt are you?" "Uh..." "I" " I don't have a belt." "Oh, you know what I love?" "I love suspenders." " You don't know martial arts?" "no..." "It says on your resume that you know martial arts." "Is-- is there martial arts in this commercial?" "I thought it was for toothpaste." " where are you from?" " New York City." "Uh, Queens, actually, but I went to Dalton," "So I retain the same elitist..." " no, I mean what's your ethnicity?" "oh, I'm Chinese." "You speak Chinese?" " not fluently." " (chuckles)" "Is says here, "speaks Chinese fluently."" "I'm sorry, is-- is there Chinese in this commercial?" "I thought it was like...?" "Okay, thank you very much for coming, Liam." "What?" "That's it?" "I didn't even get to read yet." "Well, we're looking for Japanese, actually." "WOMAN:" "don't be sad." "What?" "You look sad, don't be." "It's-- it's my car." "You know, it just got towed because of a few parking tickets," "Which is why I guess I'm here" "Utilizing L.A.'s fabulous, you know, public transportation system." "Well... ¶ somebody told me, I don't know who ¶" "¶ whenever you are sad and blue ¶" "¶ and you're feeling all alone and left behind ¶" "¶ just take a look inside you and you'll find ¶" "¶ you've got to hold on, hold on through the night ¶" "¶ hang on, things'll be all right ¶" "¶ even when it's dark and not a bit of spark ¶" "¶ sing some sunshine from above ¶" "¶ spreading grace of sunny love ¶" " ¶ mm-mm-mmm. ¶ - (claps)" "Hey, that's" ""Rays of Sunny Love" is great, but I still don't have my car." "Well, think of it on the bright side" "And what's that?" "You never would have gotten to meet me, silly goose." "Do you want to get a cup of coffee with me?" "You see, if I go home now, then I'll be home alone, and it's a little scary." "How old are you?" "Why?" "Is it illegal to share a caffeinated beverage with a minor?" "I" " I really shouldn't." "I mean, it just wouldn't be logical." "What if I'm the one?" "The-- the one?" "If I am, then you'd feel pretty stupid not having a cup of coffee with me." "I guess so." "I mean, I'm not saying that I am the one," "There's just always that possibility, you know?" "And isn't that what life's about-- possibilities?" "I" " I really shouldn't." "You can do anything you want to." "It's the beauty of living." "Wow." "(laughs)" "(rock music playing)" "Liam:" "every time I go out on something, Joe," "It's always for some Kung Fu, deli store," " computer Chinese-- - you're a little Chinese guy." "You're gonna go out for roles for little Chinese guys..." "I was born in New York!" "How about-- how about a role for somebody born in New York?" "Nobody asked you to quit college and try your hand at the lucrative world of motion picture and television acting." "What-- what am I gonna do with a degree?" "I'm gonna spend eight hours a day trapped in a little cubicle, raking one of those desktop zen gardens." "Hey, I'd prefer that over spending all your damn time" " with Malibu Barbie." " Her name is Adelaide..." " all right." "..." "And she's a really sweet girl." "You-- you haven't even given her a chance." " She's 16 years old." " She's applying to Stanford, did I tell you that?" "Anybody can apply to Stanford." "You want some of that?" "At least I don't go online to meet girls. and that reason is me." "(laughs)" "Look, one even replied to me last night." " You wouldn't like her, though." "Why?" " She's Asian." " Ah..." "No, but I'm happy for you." "I hope she love you long time." "Thank you." "Look, I gotta go." "It's late and I gotta try to write something." "I'm still blocked, you know?" " You know, most writers have to write something first... (cell phone ringing) ...before getting blocked." "You can't be impotent without first being potent." " and what the hell was that?" "What?" "I know that that's your dad calling," "Because you got that stupid little ring so that you know it's your dad calling." "And by the way, he knows you send him to voicemail." " He doesn't know shit." " Yes he does, because you push "end."" "You can't push "end," it only rings twice then goes to voicemail." " You gotta let it go all the way through..." "I don't want to talk to him." "Why?" "He's the one supporting your hedonistic lifestyle." "My dad's a drunk." "My dad's insane." "You don't know my dad." "Forget about your dad." "And forget about Malibu Adi." "Check this blonde at the bar out." "She's gorgeous." " Which one?" " The one in pink..." " The place is swimming in blondes." "with the straw..." "Sucking on that straw like she knows what she's doing." "Dude, she's like an 8.9... at least." " 8.9?" "!" " Yeah." "Let me tell you something, my friend." "This girl represents everything that is wrong with this society" "From her fake tits to her fake nose, to that-- that fake fucking smile-- you see that?" "to her fake fucking Dior bag." "How do you know her bag's fake?" "You know what's the worst part?" "She gets away with that." "She gets away with not having anything close to resembling a real personality." "Bag looks real to me." "(girl laughs)" "Let me guess" "Capricorn." " Libra." " Close enough." "You wanna buy me a drink?" "What makes you think you deserve a drink?" "Uh, because I'm a good person, by Hollywood standards anyway." "By normal standards, I'm a fucking asshole." "Do you-- you think I'm a good person?" "Well, I don't even know you." "Well, the truth is," "I think you're really cute and I was compelled to meet you." "And normally I wouldn't succumb to my compulsions so easily, but I'm trying to embrace a new philosophy of life that involves succumbing." "And, I mean, if-- if I have to succumb," "I'm glad I'm succumbing on you." "Hey" "Think of this drink as... as an investment for the possibility of mutual growth in this potential relationship." "And years from now, when our daughter jumps into your lap and asks you, "Oh, how did mommy and daddy meet?"" "You can look at this drink as the best investment you ever made." "But I-- you know, I gotta know if you're really committed to continuing this conversation before I waste my time, and just go-- be talking and nothing happens." "I'm Georgia, by the way." "Ge-- what a coincidence." "That is my favorite confederate state." "(phone rings)" "ANSWERIMG MACHINE:" "This is Liam." "I'm not here right now." "Leave a message." "(beeps)" "Liam, this is Mark Liu your father." "Where are you anyway?" "It's 2:00 A.M." "You should be at home-- it's dangerous to be out there, you know?" "So many STDs." "I don't want you getting hepatitis." "Understand?" "I hate talking to machines." " (bashes machine) - (beeping)" "Do you want to call him?" "Sorry." "You're not a very rich guy, are you?" "What gave that away, the generic brand cola?" "You don't got a lot of stuff." "So maybe-- maybe I'm not materialistic." "Did Jesus have a lot of stuff?" "No, but Jesus was poor." "So, what do you do for fun?" "This is pretty fun." "I mean, you know, what do you do for... excitement?" "(kisses) Good night." "(sniffles)" "(quietly sobbing)" "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I just have allergies, you know?" "You crying?" "Your face is wet." "No, I'm okay." "Just go to sleep." "(sighs)" "Shit." "Hey, wake up." "Wake up, you have to go." " What?" " Wake up, you have to go." " I'm late." " Why?" " Because I'm late." " Why?" "Because I'm late." "I feel like I'm talking to Helen Keller over here." "You promised me breakfast." "Uh, there's a bagel in the fridge." "Knock yourself out." "(sighs)" "(car approaches)" " I made you something." " What?" "!" "See..." "I love brownies." "I know, silly monkey, that's why I made them for you last night." "Thanks, that's so sweet." "Oh, what can I say?" "I'm a sweetie pie." "Mmm." "Mmm, they're good." "What's that?" ""Ecole d'Art." what is that?" "I'm applying to an art school in paris." "What about Stanford?" "Ugh, Stanford is boring." "What?" "That's what you want to do with the rest of your life, is paint fruit and people dancing at tea parties?" "I mean, you're a bright girl, you know?" "You need a real education." "Well, shouldn't you do what you're passionate about?" "Yes." "Yes, that all sounds great now, you're doing what you love, you're doing what you're passionate about, but in 15 years it won't be so great when you're-- when you're selling cotton candy on" "the Santa Monica Promenade." "So it's about money?" "I just don't want you to regret this." "Fine, I won't go." "I have something important to ask you." "You're in high school-- what's important?" "You know, condescension is not the way to a girl's heart." "All right, I'm sorry." "What do you want to ask me?" "I'm sorry-- I'm so "sowwy," " I'm so sowwy!"" " Oh my goodness," " That's pathetic." " I know, I'm sorry." "I can't do it like you can." "What?" "I was going to ask you... if you wanted to come to the Junior Prom with me." "The Junior Prom, wow." "Sorry, Adi, I can't go to the Junior Prom with you." "Why not?" "Why don't you go with-- with, you know, Alex, or Botar or Hawthorne, or whatever they name them nowadays." "'Cause I don't love them, Liam." "(bell rings)" "All righty." "Out of my car, kiddo." "Who are you calling "kiddo," buster?" "You know what?" "You'd better be careful, 'cause one day you're gonna lose me," "And it's gonna break your heart into a million little pieces." "I could be the best thing that never happened to you," "And you'll regret it." "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life." "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an algebra test to attend to." "(kids chattering)" " (Adelaide grunts)" " All right, I'll see you in another life when we're both illustrious Parisian libertines." "Or at 3:00 P.M., whichever comes first." "Heads up, blondie." "Coming through." "ANSWERING MACHINE:" "Two messages." "Liam, it's Mark Liu, your father." "(speaks Chinese)" "Where are you, anyway?" "Call me!" "(beeps)" "Machine:" "Monday, 1:09 A.M." "Liam, why you not calling me?" "Your grandmother is dead." "This is Mark Liu, your father." "(beeps)" "Machine:" "Monday, 1:45 A.M." "(beeps)" "(touchtones)" "(ringing)" " FATHER: hello?" " yeah, I got your message." "Yeah." "Maybe if a few more relatives die," "You'll actually come back to New York, huh?" "Will you give me a break?" "I'm just trying to make a living for myself out here." "Oh, making a living for yourself?" "Without me sending you checks every month, you'd be out there in the street with all the others." ""to be or not to be."" "You know, I'm sorry I called." "She left you a house in Shanghai." "Wait, what-- what did you say?" " She left me her house?" "Yeah." "Why-- why-- why did she leave it to me?" " I've never even met her." " because your last name is Liu, that's why, or did you forget who you are, huh?" " How much is it worth?" "500 G's." "(humphs) That should last you until the end of the month." "You know, I'm sick of you criticizing my life." "I have the right to criticize it" "I'm paying for it!" "What about you?" "I can smell the whiskey on your breath right through the handset!" "I'll tell you what, I'll come home today if you tell me you're not holding a bottle of Jack in your hand right now." "Yeah, that's what I thought." "You know what?" "I don't need your goddamn money." "What are you gonna do, huh?" "Peddle cappuccinos at-- at Starbucks?" "Well, like you said, I got 500 grand, right?" "That ought-- that ought to last me till the end of the month." "I am your father, Liam." "Why do you hate me?" "Because you killed my mother!" "(dial tone)" "(Samba music playing)" "¶ Lilly comes when you stop to call her ¶" "¶ Lilly comes when you look away... ¶" "Bunny!" "¶ Lilly leaves kisses on your collar ¶" "¶ Lilly Lilly Lilly Lilly, stay!" "¶" "What's wrong?" " Nothing." " What's wrong?" "Come on!" "I have to go to Shanghai in a week." "Why are you going to Shanghai, silly rabbit?" "My grandmother died." "I'm sorry." "I never met her or anything, but she-- she left her house to me." "My boyfriend has a house in Shanghai!" "That's really cool." "Uh, could you please not call me your boyfriend?" "So anyway, I have a cousin there who found a buyer for it, so I have to go and sell the place." "¶ pressed up against the glass ¶" "¶ he prays that she will last ¶" "¶ now he's living with his mother... ¶" "Dance with me, bunny." "¶ Lilly comes when you stop to... ¶" " I don't want to." " come on!" "¶ Lilly runs when you look away ¶" "¶ Lilly leaves kisses on your collar ¶" "¶ Lilly Lilly Lilly, stay!" "¶ Ah!" "¶ Lilly comes when you stop to call her ¶" "¶ Lilly runs when you look away ¶" "¶ Lilly leaves kisses on your collar ¶" "¶ Lilly Lilly Lilly Lilly, stay!" "¶" "¶ Lilly comes when stop to call her ¶" "¶ Lilly runs when you look away ¶" "¶ Lilly leaves kisses on your collar ¶" "¶ Lilly Lilly Lilly Lilly, stay!" "¶" "¶ stay stay stay!" "¶" "So can I go with you to Shanghai?" "You have school." "But see, I don't have to go to school, 'cause I am a natural genius." "Some people are just born natural geniuses and we can't help it." "This natural genius is gonna stay right here in L.A." "Please." "Call me every day?" "Every minute of every hour." "Will you miss me so much, like, your intestines will bleed?" "My intestines will spew buckets and buckets of blood." "Oh, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me." "I'll see you when I get back, okay?" "Okay?" " Yeah." "Bye, Liam." "Bye." "(sighs)" "(rock music playing)" "JOE:" "dude, do I look okay?" "Yeah yeah yeah, you look fine." " Listen, Joe?" " Yeah?" "Um, I need you to do something for me while" "I'm in Shanghai." "What?" "Want to renew your subscription to "Barely Legal"?" " it's-- it's Adi." " oh, enough with Adi!" "Come on!" "I'm just-- I'm gonna lay out a general rule here." "Okay?" "In America, if you hook up with a 16-year-old girl, you go to prison for roughly 20 years," "And I'm not talking about Culver City." "This is not about that." "It's not about hooking up." "Look, you're the cool older guy right now." "But in 10 years, you're just gonna be the old guy." "Just-- just take her to school in the mornings, that's it." " and make sure that" " Liam, she has parents." "She's not Little Orphan Annie." "What do you want me to do?" "Give her some clam chowder and send her to bed?" "Shit!" "She was doing just fine before you got there." "Yeah, you're right." "You're right." " I just-- - no no no no." "I'm right." "I like to hear that." "All right, never mind." "Forget it." " Shit." " What?" "Well, she was supposed to be here an hour ago." "She stood me up." "She stood-- no, she stood me up." "Maybe she just got lost or something?" "No, she thinks I'm ugly, a Republican" " or both." " yeah, what's with the brown suit?" " I mean you look like Ronald Reagan." "I asked" "I asked you about this." "What-- that's probably what happened." "This is what Darwin was talking about when he said" ""natural selection,"" "only I'm the one that wasn't selected." "Joe, women are absolutely everywhere." "Okay?" "You see that girl at the counter?" " Yeah." " What do you give her?" "Solid six." "You flip her around, you get a nine." "Go talk to her." " Come on, dude." " What?" " No, I can't." " Why?" " That's ridiculous." " Why is that ridiculous?" "Are you kidding?" "Don't you think it's a little psycho, just walking up to a girl?" "Yeah, it's psycho if you shank her in the shower afterwards." "All right." "I'll just walk up and..." "Yeah, don't bring a knife." "I'm not bringing the knife-- I'm just..." "I look like Ron Reagan!" "Yeah, on a good day." "(whispering) Hesitation leads to masturbation." "(clears throat)" " Hi." " Huh?" "Oh." "Hi." "Is this the butter?" "I hope your plane crashes." " Maybe he's her brother." " They kissed." "What, is she Angelina Jolie?" "(sighs) Can I order a big bowl of shame, please?" "(jet engine whines)" "Hey, that's me." " You're Liam?" " Yes, Liam." " How nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you." " Where'd you get this?" " Your father send to me." " Do you like it?" " Uh, I don't know." "Oh, my name is Ling Ming, your cousin." " Ling Ming?" " Yes." " Your name rhymes, that's beautiful." "Thank you." "Come on, let's go." "Why didn't they give you the house?" "Actually, I'm not part of Liu family." "The family name is just passed on through the sons." "My mother marry into Ming family." "Ah." "So where am I staying?" "Uh, Jin Mao Tower." " tower?" " yeah." " I'm staying in a tower?" "Yes." "What am I, Rapunzel?" "(rock music playing)" "¶ this reaching height ¶" "¶ 15 miles high ¶" "¶ nothing but the sky ¶" "¶ shining in your eyes ¶" "¶ this reaching height ¶" "¶ 15 miles high ¶" "¶ nothing but the sky ¶" "¶ shining in your eyes. ¶" "Thank you." "Thank you." "So, do we tip them or something?" " Not necessary." " No?" "(lock beeps)" "Please." "Hey, how do you say "thank you"?" "(speaks Chinese)" " Uh, "shialo."" " No no" "No gratuity necessary." "Oh, it's okay, I'm not being gratuitous, just giving you a tip." " Thank you." " Oh no." "We don't need to tip for anything here." " Really?" " Yeah." " This is like Jewish heaven." "Yeah." "(speaks Chinese)" "Wow, look at that." " If I have" " Oh sorry." "If I have a house here, why am I in a hotel?" "Uh, house empty, all furniture is gone." "But don't be worried." "We'll meet the buyer tomorrow," "You'll get money and then go back to America." " it's no problem." " okay." "So what about tonight?" "What's the plan, Stan?" " You're Stan in this scenario, by the way." "okey-dokey." "What do you want to do?" "("Let the Music Play" playing)" "(Liam singing flatly) ¶ we started dancing ¶" "¶ and love put us into a groove ¶" "¶ as soon as we started to move ¶" "¶ the music played while our bodies displayed ¶" "¶ through the dance ¶" "¶ and love picked us out for romance... ¶" "(crunching)" "What the hell is this?" " Wasabi pea." " You can say that again." "Wasabi pea." " (laughs) - (door opens)" "Ah." "(speaking Chinese)" "(speaking Chinese)" "You..." "America!" " yeah." " You want to go for company?" "Go-- go for what?" "For "company"?" "Hmm?" " yeah yeah yeah." " yeah yeah yeah." "Nice nice nice." "You must be have much money." "Girls!" "(speaks Chinese)" "American!" "Smile, please." "(speaking Chinese)" "Pick." " Uh, pick?" " Do you like?" "Um, I-- help me out here." "I don't know..." " Which one should I pick?" " Is up to you." "Whatever your taste." "I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings." "You won't hurt feelings." " Just pick." " I was never picked for dodgeball," "It always hurt my feelings." "Okay, it's not big deal." "Just pick." " Um..." " Ah!" "Look, you like." "Hmm." "Have your eye on Amy." "Amy?" "Is that her name?" "Yeah." "Amy is very sweet." "If you can touch her smell." "(clucks tongue)" "Ew, touch her smell." "Okay." "Okay?" " okay." " mmm." "Amy." "(speaking Chinese)" " Aha!" " Hi." "Hi." "Woman:" "bye-bye!" "LIAM:" "She's crazy." "Do you like her?" " Um..." " (laughs)" " My name is Amy." " Amy?" "My name is Liam." " Liam?" " Liam." "Mmm." "Funny kind of name." "Yeah well, I'm a funny kind of guy." "So you come here often?" "First come here." "Oh, first-- first come here." "Um..." "I like your earrings." "No no, not him." "Me." " Oh." " I like the" "You know." " Oh, thank you." " They're very round." " Thank you." " Yeah." "That's my favorite shape." "Okay, don't talk to him." "He's not even there." " Okay." " Don't you have to go somewhere?" "All right." "¶..." "Her say, yeah yeah ¶" "¶ come a little bit closer, you're my kind of man ¶" "¶ so big and so strong ¶" "¶ come a little bit closer, I'm all alone ¶" "¶ and the night is so long... ¶" "You-- you should sing." "No, I do not sing." "If I sing, everybody in room will run." "No." "No, I'm sure you're not that bad." "Trust me, that bad." "Okay okay, I believe you." "Hey, you want to-- you want to go?" " uh..." " you want to go?" " LING: ¶ I know, yes, I know... ¶" "Okay." "No no no!" "Us-- you, me." "We go." "Both of us." "Uh, you want me to go with you?" "You-- you want to" "You want me to want you to go... with me?" "I'm confusing you." "Let's go." "You wanna go?" "Um..." "Yes?" "You, me." "You me, both." "One two, go." "(lock beeps)" "Oh." "Nice room." "Thanks." "Great view." "What you want to do now?" "Whatever." "You tell me." "(phone ringing)" " Excuse me." " Okay." " Hello?" " Is this my very sexy Chinese man?" " How'd you get this number?" " I have my ways." "Remember, I'm a natural genius." "I just got in a couple of hours ago." "Well, why haven't you called me?" "I wonder," "I wonder." "My cousin was showing me around a little bit." "Oh, what have you seen?" "Um..." "I saw a guy on a unicycle, saw a K.F.C. That's about it." "Uh, I'm going to take a shower, okay?" "(Liam whispers) Okay okay!" "Is-- is someone there?" "Um, I ordered room service." "The girl was just bringing up a late dinner." "You know I can't really take that airplane food." "Yeah, you and your sensitive digestive tract." "How's, uh, how's Shanghai?" "It's beautiful." "My hotel room is on the 85th floor." "I can see Japan from my window." "And how's it look?" "Let's just say that if they're planning a sneak attack anytime soon," " I'll know." " can I use your towel?" " (whispering) yeah yeah." " AMY: oh, I find." " Who is that?" " Uh, television." "Listen, I'm-- I'm so tired." "Can I call you tomorrow?" " I miss you, bunny." " Okay." "I'll be back soon." "Get-- get out of the house, all right?" "Go hang out with Summer or Marissa" "Or one of the other girls on "the O.C."" " Bye, Liam." " All right, bye, Adi." "Okay, I finish." "What do you want?" "Tell me." "You know what?" " I'm really tired." " Okay." " Do you want to go to sleep?" "Sleep?" "Yeah, I was" " I was on a flight, you know, for" " I don't know-- 16 hours." " mm-hmm." " you know?" " An airplane." " mmm." " Do you mind?" " No, I no mind." "Because I like you." "You're a really beautiful girl." "Thank you." "So, it's okay?" "Okay." "All right." "Good night." "Good night." "(beeps)" "(quietly sobbing)" "(knocking on door)" "LING:" "hey, Liam?" "Let's go!" "(knocking)" "Wake up, sleepyhead." "(car honks)" "(speaking Chinese)" "Mama!" " So this is it, huh?" " Uh, yes." "(door unlocks)" "(baby crying)" "Your grandmother lived upstairs for six years." "Your father born here and grew up all his life." "Be careful." "Lots of history in this house." "It's a shame we're selling," "But nobody here to take care of it." "Wow." "This view is amazing." "Yes, that's Huangpu River," "The most important shipping artery of Shanghai," "Divides the city into east and west." "Come on, let me show you." "This was your father's room." "The whole family slept here." "This place is great." "I love it." "Yeah." "(doorbell buzzes)" "That must be buyers." "(speaking Chinese)" "(door buzzing)" " Ah..." " (all speaking Chinese)" " This is Mr. Wu." " Hi, nice to meet you." " (woman speaking) - nice to meet you." "Yeah." "Um, I've never been to Shanghai before." "So I'm surprised by how modern it is." "You know?" "The architecture." "Very modern." "Okay." "Uh, I like your tie." "Oh." "Oh, look at that." "(chattering)" "So Liam, uh..." "Mr. Wu say this place is so great." "Uh, it's unbelievably cheap." "Yeah, if you call $500,000 cheap." "No no no, it's not $500,000." "It's 500,000 yuan." "How much is that in dollars?" "Mm, maybe-- maybe a little less than $60,000." " $60,000?" "!" " yeah." "No no no no." "I'm not selling this place for 60,000." "That's crazy." "Are you crazy?" "This view is worth more than $60,000." " Yeah, I know." " My shoes are worth more than $60,000." "Tell them no." "Tell them I'm not selling." "That's ridiculous." "Okay." "(speaking Chinese)" "(couple arguing)" "Liam:" "What happened?" "I told her." "I can see that." "So, what are you going to do now?" "Hey." "(man speaks Chinese)" " uh, Jin Mao, please." " Qin Gao?" " Jin Mao." " Qin Gao?" " Jin Mao." " Oh!" "(man singing)" " Out." " No, this is not it." " Jin Gao." " Jin Mao!" "Jin Gao!" "Jin Mao!" "Mao" " Jin Mao." "It's a hotel." " hotel?" " yeah." "Oh, Ho Tao!" "Nope, not the place." "Ho Tao." "This is nothing." " Jin Mao." " (cow moos)" " Tin Gao?" " Jin Mao!" "Bin Gao?" "Look at my mouth!" "Jin Mao!" "(muttering in Chinese)" "It's like trying to get a ride from Dr. Seuss." "Yeah, what?" " Oh." " Oh!" "Oh yeah," "Look at that." "(carnival music playing)" "Get out!" "What?" "Why you stop?" "Why you stop?" "I'm not getting out." "Jin Jiang!" "Jin Mao!" "Get out of here!" "Jin Mao!" " Jin Jiang!" " Jin Mao!" "It's famous!" "It's the tallest building here!" " Jin Jiang." " You've been driving me around the city all day!" " What are you, a fucking idiot?" "You fuck-ass!" " You fuck-ass!" " Fuck-ass!" " You fucky!" " You fucky!" "You fucky!" "Where you going?" "Get back here." "Get back here!" "You fucky!" "You fucky!" "You're a fucky!" " Jin Jiang!" " Not Jin Jiang!" "Jin Mao." "Jin Mao Mao Mao Mao!" "All right-- Jin Jiang Jiang Jiang!" "You're gonna kill me." "You're gonna kill me!" "You are gonna kill me!" "You're gonna kill-- You're gonna kill me!" "No no no, Jin Jiang!" "Jin Jiang!" "I need a drink." "I need a drink." "You're gonna drive me to drink." "I need a drink." "Like a-- you know, you take me to a bar?" " Bar?" " Drink." " Okay, okay." " Drinking." "Yeah." "Yeah, suddenly you know." " Uh, excuse me?" " Yeah?" "You guys know how to make a chocolate martini?" " What's that?" "Chocolate martini?" "You know martini?" "Yes, of course." "You want a martini?" "A chocolate martini." "It's martini," "But you add some chocolate in it for flavoring." "Okay?" "Okay, I do." "A regular martini with chocolate in it." " Chocolate martini." " Uh... (both speaking Chinese)" "Hi." "Hi." "I'm Liam." "Micki." "You speak English?" "You speak German?" "Why would I speak German?" "We're not in Germany." "Why would I speak English?" "We're not in England." "Because everybody speaks English." "If that is true, then why even ask me in the first place?" "Let me guess..." "You're an American and you think the world revolves around you." "You probably don't even speak any other languages besides English." "That's not true." "I speak Ethiopian." "(speaks mock-Ethiopian)" "That means, um, armchair." "Well, why don't you speak Chinese?" " Because I'm an American." " You're not an American." "Your face is Chinese, your hair is Chinese, your eyes are Chinese, your skin is Chinese." "But you probably don't even know anything about your culture." "It's a pity you don't even speak the language." "I know more than you think." "Your drink." "60." "Yes, I can see you are very wise." "(clears throat)" " Thanks." " Thank you." "So what are you that you're so cultured, a pilates instructor?" "What is that?" "Never mind." "Hey, you want to get out of here?" "This conversation's depressing me." "Eat your drink first." "(laughs)" "It's so beautiful." "I never realized how beautiful Shanghai is." "Most of these buildings were developed during the opium wars." "Refresh my memory." "Robert Downey Jr. won the opium wars, right?" "Who's that?" "Never mind." "(laughs) You're so cute." "And so funny!" "Yeah, but you don't laugh at most of my jokes." "You're still funny." "Are all Americans so funny?" "You should know." "You've been there three years, right?" "I use sense of humor as a defense mechanism when I'm nervous." "At least that's what my analyst says." "You're in analysis?" "Yeah, ever since the second grade when I asked out Erin McGrath." "She called me a doody-head and then pulled down my pants during recess." "(gasps) That is horrible!" "I can't really blame her," "Because I was quite empirically a doody-head," "But then I got really self-conscious about my penis size." "Uh, I mean, you know, it was small." "But I was seven, and I think for a seven-year-old that it was-- it was a decent size..." "I think." "Are you nervous?" "Yeah, a little bit." "Do I intimidate you?" "You have no idea." "How was that?" "I'd say "let's go back to my place,"" "But I don't know where it is." "(phone ringing)" "Hold on." "Hold on." " Let me get this." " Hmm?" "I have to get this." " Hello?" " Adelaide:" "I wrote you a poem." "You want to hear it?" "Uh, yeah sure." ""I woke up lonely the day I died, the sun never sang to me so bright, the songs of heaven that dance inside my eyes watching as eagles fly and time stands still, and as I paint the pavement red" "and I turn blue," "I thought of you and only you, in the darkness you will come to dry my tears and rescue me from the plastic cups and empty faces, my Shanghai Kid, my one and only, for you I wait, only god can stop me."" "Now if it totally sucks, you can tell me." "I wrote it in like five seconds, anyway." "No, I like it." "Um, you know, I got to get off the bus." " Can I call you later?" " Yeah." " Uh, bye, Adi." " (phone beeps)" "(dial tone)" "Who was that?" "Your girlfriend?" "No, she's just a friend." "Just a friend?" "Give me a break." "She's 16." "Why are you friends with a 16-year-old?" "I don't know." "Excuse me." "(whispering)" "Ah!" "(laughing)" "(jazz music playing)" "(Liam and Micki laughing)" "(imitates jet fighter)" "What's that?" " Oh, tea egg!" " Huh?" " Tea egg." " Egg?" " Egg." " Egg." "Let's get some." "I'm hungry." "Hey, tea egg!" "Hello hello hello." "Wake up, wake up, back to work." "Hello?" "Hello hello." "(speaks Chinese)" " How much?" " One yuan." "One?" "One yuan?" " One." " That's like 12 cents." "I want uh... 12." " 12." " (Micki laughing) 12, 12..." "How do you say "12"?" "12!" "(laughs)" "Is this good?" "Wait wait, hold on." "Taste test." "Why you buy so many egg?" "Good." "I may not be a smart man," "But I know a good bargain when I see one." "Wow." "What?" "In this light, you are stunning." "You're a stunner." "I'm" " I'm actually physically stunned." "Well, you're not the ugliest guy" "I ever met either." " Okay okay, relax." " (laughs)" "So why would you sell a house that has been in your family for 100 years?" "What am I gonna do?" "Move to China?" "Why not?" "You're Chinese, aren't you?" "Why not?" "Why don't I do anything that makes any sense?" "Why did I drop out of Columbia and move to L.A.?" "To be an aspiring alcoholic?" "Why is that the only girl that I can stand being sober with for more than an hour-- present company excluded-- happens to be 16?" "Why can't I look my father in the face?" "You're right." "I spend my entire life running away from anything Chinese, including my father." "But I come here... and I feel like I belong here." "Here I'm not a Chinese guy, I'm just a guy." "Don't move here just for me." "Do you want to see me again?" " Of course." " Would you miss me if I left?" "Would you miss me?" "You are the most amazing girl I've ever met." "(traditional Chinese music playing)" "(making martial arts noises)" "Man over P.A.:" "the white zone is for immediate loading and unloading" "Hey!" "Chow Yun-Fat!" "Hey!" "Who you calling "fat"?" "Oh no no, I'm sorry." "It's not-- it's not him." "It's the guy from the ramen noodle package." "And you're the noodle." "So, how was the People's Republic?" " Oh, it was amazing." " Yeah?" "It's so beautiful there, Joe." "It really is, and I met a girl." "What, like a Chinese girl?" " I met a Chinese girl!" " No way!" "Really?" " Yeah." " Really?" "Well, what's her name?" " Her name is Micki." " That doesn't sound Chinese." "She's beautiful." "She's smart, sophisticated," " funny..." " And she was with you?" "You're shitting me, man." "It's a shame you had to leave." "Actually, I'm gonna move there." " What?" " I'm moving to Shanghai." " When?" " Next week." "What...?" "I" " I just, I came back to, you know, get some things, say goodbye." "Well, it's pilot season." "There are no Asian guys on television." "You know that." "What-- did you tell your father?" "Does Adi know?" " Anybody?" " Not yet." "Well, don't you think you ought to tell 'em?" " I will." " No, your father's gonna be a little surprised." "You know, I don't-- I don't give a shit what he thinks." "Listen to yourself, man." "You're moving to Shanghai for a girl!" "A Chinese girl, for god's sakes." "This is not just about the girl." "Then what is it?" "It just-- it feels right." "I'm Chinese." "I've gotta go back to my roots." "(laughs) All right, slow down," "Kunta Kinte." "You don't even speak Chinese." "What the hell are you gonna do?" " What, drive a rickshaw?" " I can learn Chinese." "Learn Chinese?" "Liam, you barely speak English." "Don't call me "Liam." Liam is my slave name." " Cute." " Wait, come here," "Come here." " What?" "That's her." "Wow." "She, uh-- she sure looks like every other Asian girl in Monterey Park." " What?" " Look, you want to move somewhere?" "Move to Monterey Park." "It's lovely." "I'll miss you too." "Come on, get in." "And give me five bucks for parking." " So you came back early." " I know, the sale fell through." " Oh, you didn't sell your house?" "No." "What are you gonna do now, baby?" "Well-- please don't call me "baby."" "Baby baby baby baby ¶ baby!" "¶" " Look, I have something to tell you." "Good news?" "In a way." " Let me guess." " You're pregnant." " No, that was last month." "I got it aborted, remember?" "Oh that's too bad." "I always wanted to be a father." "(both make martial arts noises)" "Ah!" "So what's this news?" "(sighs)" "This is hard to say." "Oh, spill it, buster." "Come on." "Well, I think that we should stop" "Oh Sugar Sallies!" "Can you get me those, please?" "Yeah yeah, sure, sure." "Oh, you're the bestest boyfriend in the whole widest world." "Yeah, okay, Adi." "You know, you're a great girl." "You're beautiful and smart and strong, and you shouldn't be hanging around with me." "You should be with a guy your own age." "I'm gonna be 17 in, like, two weeks." "What are you, eight years older than me?" "12." "(sighs) Big deal." "You look like you're 12." "I'm even almost taller than you." "Look, it's not my fault that my epiphyseel plates fused prematurely." " Epiphysial." " Epiphysial." " Did you drink milk?" " Yes, I drank milk." "Whole or 2%?" "Did you drink fat-free?" "What percent milk I drank is not the point." "The point is I can drive and drink alcoholic beverages." "Not at the same time." "What's your point?" "Look, Woody Allen is with a woman 35 years younger than him." "Woody Allen has three academy awards." "When I get three academy awards, I can date 12-year-olds if I want." "I met someone." " Really?" " Yeah." "Is it a girl?" "(laughs) No, it's a squirrel, actually." "What are you talking about, "is it a girl?"" "Well I don't know." "You are pretty metro." "It's a Chinese girl." "I met her in China." "MAN:" "What can I get for you?" "We're gonna take a Sugar Sally..." "You were gone for like three days!" " Three days!" " (whispering)" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I don't know what you want me to say." "I feel so shitty now." "Don't feel shitty." "Let's go get the Sugar Sallies." "No, fuck Sugar Sally!" "Fuck her up her sugary ass!" "You're dumping me for some Chinese girl?" "We were never really together." "Oh right, I forgot." "I'm only 16." "How are you gonna maintain a relationship" "With someone 7,000 miles away?" "I'm moving to Shanghai." "What?" "I'm moving there." "To Shanghai?" "Who moves to Shanghai?" "No one does that!" " No one moves to Shanghai!" " I don't know." "Lots of people!" "I don't" " I don't know!" "It just feels right." "You're just gonna leave me here to rot?" "Leave you here to rot?" "You live in Beverly Hills, for christ's sake!" "I wish I lived where you lived." "Can we please just go see this movie?" "Please?" "I'm gonna get you a Sugar Sally." "Don't you have any feelings at all?" "Your grandmother died." "Don't you feel sad about that?" "(lasers fire)" "(explosion)" "I mean, don't you feel sad about anything?" "You're like a fucking robot, and now you're going to China" "For some girl you've only known for two days?" "Do you really think you're gonna find what you're looking for out there?" "You need to calm down." "I'm going outside." "Wait." "Just-- just wait!" "I like you, Adi." "I really do." "It scares me how much I like you." "Then why are you leaving?" "Because I feel empty here." "I, like-- it's like I'm pissing my life away." "L.A. Is a cold and desolate place," "Adi, it really is." "It's like sucking the life right out of me!" "Maybe it's you, Liam!" "You ever think about that?" "Huh?" "Maybe it's you sucking the life out of yourself!" "You're just a kid, Adi!" "Go home." "Don't go to Shanghai." "Please don't go!" "It'll be a mistake!" "You know it'll be a mistake!" "(folk music playing)" "¶ fell in love ¶" "¶ with a girl ¶" "¶ lost my hold on this whole world ¶" "¶ sad to say, it's sad but true ¶" "¶ there's nothing more that we could do ¶" "¶ but love just don't quit ¶" "¶ so hard to see from where we sit ¶" "¶ love just don't quit ¶" "¶ it's not a box, there ain't no lid ¶" "¶ holidays time of year ¶" "¶ call them close and hold them near ¶" "¶ some souls come and some don't show ¶" "¶ round and round and round it goes ¶" "¶ but love just don't quit ¶" "¶ so hard to see from where we sit ¶" "¶ love just don't quit ¶" "¶ it's not a box, there ain't no lid ¶" "¶ some years pass ¶" "¶ in a day ¶" "¶ some things change and some things fade ¶" "¶ some days it seems like nothing's new... ¶" " (Liam and Micki laughing) - ¶ you have me and I have you ¶" "¶ 'cause love just don't quit ¶" "¶ hard to see from where we sit ¶" "¶ love just don't quit ¶" "¶ it's not a box, there ain't no lid ¶" "¶ give it out and let it in. ¶" "(horn honks)" " Junk!" " ALL:" "Wha!" " Yeah yeah." " (all speaking Chinese)" "Uh, excuse me, Messieurs?" "Do you speak-a ze English?" "I need a-- umbrella." "Umbrella?" "(all speaking Chinese)" "Raining, raining." "(speaks Chinese)" "Dude, dude, they have umbrellas right here." " Right there." " Thank you, thank you." " You're welcome." " Thank you." "(speaking Chinese)" "Hey, 10, 10." " LIAM: ech." " MICKI: it's good," "You should try." "It's so shiny." "I'm gonna get blinded by it." "No, but it's dessert." "You like." "Let's go to McDonald's." "This food is scaring me." "Oh, that stuff will kill you faster than poison." "Somewhere out there is a bunch of angry, feetless chicken." " (laughs) - "Ah!"" "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food?" "I don't know, I don't have a mother." "Everybody has a mother." "You okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine, it's just..." "I don't really remember her." "I mean, I have memories but..." "I don't know which ones are real and which ones I created because I needed them." "You don't have to talk about this." "No it's-- it's good." "It's good to talk about it." "What happened?" "Well, it was my birthday," "I was six, and we were coming home from dinner." "We didn't have much money back then, so going out to eat was special, you know." "Um, so I wanted to order something special." "And after looking over the menu for 30 minutes," "I saw that they had turtle soup." "And I thought, "whoa, wouldn't it be cool to go to school on Monday and tell everyone that I had turtle?"" "Mmm." "But on the way to the bathroom," "I saw the live turtle in the kitchen, and I started crying." "I could-- I could never eat such a beautiful animal." "And so I burst into the kitchen like a knight rescuing a princess," "I grabbed the turtle and I" " I burst out." "Right?" "And after my parents calmed down the kitchen," "My mom said that I could keep-- keep the turtle as a birthday present." "So it was sitting on my lap in the car, and my father was driving." "He-- he may have been drunk." "I'm" " I'm not sure." "But they started arguing in Chinese." "Every time they argue in Chinese, I know something's wrong." "Uh..." "The rest is a blur." "Next thing I know, the car is flipped upside-down on the side of the road," "There's this shard of glass jutting from my mother's neck," "Blood's dripping down her white blouse." "I never did find out what happened to the turtle." "You want to go see a movie?" "They have movies here, right?" " Of course." " I'm gonna go to the men's room, then we can go see a movie." "(film characters speaking Chinese)" "I can't watch this." "Why not?" "Because the rock sounds like Richard Simmons, that's why not." "Who's Richard Simmons?" "Never mind." "Who's the rock?" "I'm gonna get something to drink" "I'll be right back." "Okay." "(touchtones)" " (phone ringing)" " Hey, you've reached Adi." "she's not here right now to take your call." "I know because I'm her." "(beeps)" "(tires screech)" "(men speaking Chinese)" "Get in the car!" "Did you say "get in the car"?" "Why would I get in the car?" "(speaks Chinese)" "Get in the car." "Okay?" "Okay?" "Yeah." "You hit me." "Yes, very good." "Very smart." "And people are always complaining about" "American education system." "What do you want?" "Where are you from?" "Here and there." "I get around." "Where are you from?" "I'm from Los Angeles." "California." "It's beautiful there, isn't it?" " It's okay." " Beautiful women too." "I've never been myself," "But I watch Hollywood movies..." "Like "Charlie's Angels."" "You've seen "Charlie's Angels"?" "It's not one of my favorites." "Um, I found the-- the plot to be lacking." "(guffaws) plot?" "!" "Who needs plot when you have crazy American women running around?" "Right?" "Something doesn't make sense to me." "You see, you have "Charlie's Angels"" "And the crazy American girls, yet you still feel the need to come here and steal our women." "I don't know what you're talking about." "I'm talking about my girlfriend, Micki." "Lately she's been acting very strange." "Always busy." "Do you know what she's doing every day?" "I have no idea." "Who do you think you are, huh?" "You Americans think you can take anything you want." " I don't think that." " You don't think that?" "!" "Who discovered America?" "Who discovered America?" " Christopher Columbus?" " (laughs)" "I forget-- that's what you learned in school, right?" "But I want to find out how he can discover" "A country with already 40 million Native Americans?" "Where are they now?" "They welcomed you with opened arms" "And you killed them all." "I guess we had different textbooks, huh?" "Look, I'm Chinese." "My parents went to America" "As immigrants." "You will never be Chinese." "You were raised on cheeseburgers and pizza." "You may think you have discovered China, but we have been here for thousands of years, and I am not going to stand around and watch you take what's rightfully mine." "(speaks Chinese)" "(grunts)" "(birds chirping)" "(speaking Chinese)" "Hi." "You-- you have a phone that I could use?" "A telephone..." "I can" " I can use?" "(man speaking Chinese)" "You-- you have a-- can" "Hi, you have a phone?" "Phone?" "(speaking Chinese)" "Jesus." "Sir, do you have a-- do you have a phone?" "Hey!" " (speaking Chinese)" " Hey!" "Ma'am, ma'am, can I use your phone?" "Please please please?" "(continues talking)" "Here, look look look!" " Look, I give you-- I give you this," "(phone beeps off)" "You give me-- you let me use that." "Okay?" "Can I use that?" "I'll give you money." "Oh-- look!" "Look!" "This is all I have, okay?" "Take it." "Take it." "I'll give it right back." "I'll give it right back." "Be right here." "Ma'am, please please." "Thank you." "See?" "Good, happy." "(touchtones)" "Thank you." "Micki!" "I wanted to tell you, Liam." "I really did, but Jai Li is not the most reasonable man." "He gets violent." "Does he beat you?" "Who is this guy?" "We are to be married." "That's terrific." "Congratulations." "Am I invited to the wedding?" "You don't understand." "(speaks Chinese)" "A-- a bowl of won tons, please." "Won tons!" "Won t-- won tons." " (speaks Chinese)" " Yes, thank you." "What don't I understand?" "Do you love him?" "It's not about love." "Then what?" "I used to work as a waitress." "And about a year ago, Jai Li comes in," "Throwing his money around," "Telling me how beautiful I am and how he wants to take care of me." "So this is all about money?" "You see, that's why you would never understand." "What don't I understand?" "You know, you're what we call a gold digger." "How many siblings do you have?" "I don't have any." "I have five," "Three sisters and two brothers." "How much does the average American make?" "I don't know." "Maybe $35,000." "I make $1,200 a year." "My family, all seven of us," "Live in a one-bedroom apartment." "My father died years ago, leaving my mother to raise all of us all by herself." "So no, this is not about love." "I'm with Jai Li to ensure my family have a better life." "So you're gonna stay in a loveless, abusive marriage" "For the rest of your life?" "Trust me, there are worse things." "(speaks Chinese)" "Thank you." " You're hungry." " Oh... getting the shit beat out of me, spending the night in a ditch can be pretty consuming." "But on the upside, I did my cardio for the week." "Go back to America." "What about you?" "I'll be fine." "(speaking Chinese)" "(Adelaide laughing)" "Have you ever seen Sinatra in concert?" "Nuh-uh." " What about Billie Holiday?" "How old do you think I am?" "Well, my favorite's Nat King Cole." "You listen to Nat King Cole?" "My mom used to play a lot of old records when I was little." "She'd sing to me a lot." "You're still little." "(sighs)" "What's wrong?" "Just miss her, that's all." "Just unfair." "I mean how can someone die from lung cancer" "When they've never even smoked?" "I know what you mean." "How?" "Um..." "I don't know." "I" " I don't, I guess." "Do you talk to your mom a lot?" "Every night." "Really?" "Yeah, right before I go to sleep." "You're a good son." "Ling Ming:" "hey, Liam?" "(snaps fingers) Liam?" "Liam, just sign this, and then you are all set." "I can't." "(speaks Chinese)" "(couple shouting in Chinese)" "Okay, this was fun." "Call me the next time you want to do this." "Hey hey!" "Can you help me transfer the deed to someone else?" "I" " I cannot accept this." "Jeez Louise, if you learn anything in life, learn that when somebody gives you a house, you don't say you can't accept it, you say "fuck yeah!"" "Go ahead, try it." " Okay." "Fuck yeah." " Fuck yeah!" " (laughs)" " All right, we'll work on that." "No one has ever done anything like this for me before." "All I know is if you marry Jai Li, you're gonna regret it." "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life." "Oh." "Can you do me a favor," "Um, before you kick me out of your house?" "Anything." "Can you read one of these letters to me?" "Of course." "This is from your father." ""My..." "(speaks Chinese)" "I have missed you these past few months and I regret that I cannot be with you during this vulnerable time." "I hope that my mother is taking good care of you, because she is so excited to become a grandmother." "I am working hard in Suzhou to save enough money for us to go to America." "I hope to make enough... money so that we can go before you give birth." "I want our son to be born there, so he can become President of the United States one day." "Please know you will always be with me." "Liu Yi."" "Wow." "Yeah, I'll say." "Thanks." "Thank you." "Thank you for everything." "Hey." "Dad?" "Dad?" "Dad?" " Dad?" " (snorts)" "Hey." "(crying)" "I loved her." "I know." "I'm sorry." "You forgive me?" "You look skinny." "I-I-I take you to lunch." "I'll take you to lunch." "I have a job now." "I'm peddling cappuccinos at Starbucks." "(laughs)" "My son..." "I cannot believe it." "You work for the man, huh?" " Working for the man?" " Yeah." "Like the kids want to say, huh?" "Nobody says that, Dad." "Sure." "You've been away too long." "That hippie down the street, he say it all the time." "(laughs)" "One at a time." "(mexican music playing)" "Damn, I missed that taste." "What about this girl?" "Over there, the blonde." "Like a 7.6, 7.7?" " What do you think?" " She's okay." "Okay?" "What, you don't want to play anymore?" "Joe, you ever think that assigning women a numerical value between one and 10 based on artificial qualities is-- that's kind of superficial." "Look, if you don't think she's cute, just say you don't think she's cute." "You know what I think?" "I think I made a big mistake with Adi." "Liam..." "You can come up with a list of hundreds of qualities that-- that you think are important in another person, but in the end, the heart wants what it wants." "You spend your entire life fighting that," "I mean, god, you just-- you go crazy." "Yeah, I'm sort of going crazy just listening to you." " Sorry." " So..." "You could ramble on about it with me for the rest of the day," "Or..." "Or..." "You could call her." "You know, no." "I'm not gonna call her." "I'm gonna go over there." " I got it, I got it." "Thanks." "How you gonna get there?" "You sold your car." "I'll" " I'll walk." "I'll walk, I'll run," "I'll fly over there." "All right, catch you later." "Come on, nobody walks in L.A." "(whispering) You see that guy?" "Hi." "Hi." "¶ I made some bad decisions ¶" "¶ and I'm trying to get them right ¶" "¶ I've chalked them up to living ¶" "¶ and I've stored them out of sight ¶" "¶ I've gotten a reputation ¶" "¶ of running from a fight ¶" "¶ when the situation ¶" "¶ gets out of my hands ¶" "¶ sometimes you've got to go to stay ¶" "¶ let the ace of spades fall where it may ¶" "¶ drop the masquerade like a live grenade ¶" "¶ and give it all away ¶" "¶ we had a conversation ¶" "¶ it was more than what we said ¶" "¶ we had a destination, we could see it up ahead ¶" "¶ is it my imagination running rings around my head ¶" "¶ trying not to face that ¶" "¶ slipping away ¶" "¶ sometimes you've got to go to stay ¶" "¶ let the ace of spades fall where it may ¶" "¶ drop the masquerade like a live grenade ¶" " ¶ and give it all away... ¶ - (doorbell rings)" "What are you doing here?" "I came to see you, and I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, and I wouldn't blame you if you slammed the door in my face." "I mean, I deserve... to get the door slammed." "MAN:" "Who is it, sweetie?" "Just... chinese." "Great." " Go to Paris." " What?" "I want you to go to Paris." "I want you to see the world," "I want you to do what you're passionate about." "When I was in Shanghai, I had a lot of time to think." "I mean, nobody spoke English" "And the movies there suck, but I realized how badly I treated you." "I mean, you have so much heart." "You can sing to the world, and I always made it seem like you needed me." "You don't, you never did." "I'm the one who needed you." "And I was scared" "Scared of you growing up, scared of you waking up one morning and realizing that you didn't need me, scared of you going off to Paris and seeing a whole world out there without me." "But I'm not scared anymore." "And I love you enough to let you go." "I mean, you dump me and then you have this epiphany in Shanghai, and now you're sitting here basically giving me permission to live my life?" "And by the way-- news flash:" "I'm already going to Paris." "You are?" "Next week." "Great." "Perfect." "That-- that's what I wanted to hear." "Um..." "You're gonna-- you're gonna learn so much, you're gonna meet so many interesting people." "And if you run into Gerard Depardieu, tell him that I loved him in "Green Card."" "Why do you make it so hard for me to hate you?" "God, I'm starving, so... you need some cash, bunny?" "ADELAIDE:" "No, I'm fine, Dad." "Oh, okay." "So, where's the food?" "I-- oh, I left it." "I left it at the restaurant." "So..." "Is this goodbye?" "More like "See you later."" "Okay." "I" " I'll just..." "That was weird." "Yeah." "You read the copy?" "LIAM:" "Uh, yeah, sure." "Woman:" "just start whenever you're ready then." " LIAM: just looking..." " WOMAN: right into the camera." "Do you have genital herpes?" "It's just..." "lately" "I've been feeling itching and burning around in my genital area, and..." ""how-- how did this happen to me?"" "I ask myself." "Was it that-- that girl in Puerto Rico?" "I knew she wasn't a virgin." "But will I ever be able to love again?" "Will anyone love me?" "Am I supposed to spend my entire life alone because of one drunken night?" "This is what I felt before I tried Provium." "Provium daily suppressive therapy can help reduce the frequency of outbreaks." "Make the most out of your life." "Ask your doctor if Provium is right for you." "Wow, that was amazing." "You know, I really believed you had genital herpes." "Do you?" "Uh, no." "No, I don't." "Well, I don't think we need to see anyone else." "(giggling)" "Oh, sorry." "I'll miss you." "(whispering) "Go to Paris."" "So stupid." "God damn it!" "So stupid." "Hey!" "Either you came to see me or you ordered a mail-order bride." "I saw you with that guy." "He's one of my instructors and he's as gay as a pineapple." "You still remember me?" "Bunny, you're my every other memory." "How'd you know I was coming in?" "I called your dad." "God, you're like obsessed with me or something." "I'm more than obsessed." "I'm" " I'm daffy about you." "Daffy like the duck?" "Daffy like a duck." "(quacks)" "Uh..." "Oh, these are-- these are for you." "Thanks." "So you think we have a chance?" "Anything's possible." "It's the beauty of living." "¶ moonlight's raining down ¶" "¶ and I chose amazing love ¶" "¶ shining like a morning tree ¶" "¶ sitting close and as it rose ¶" "¶ swinging on a high trapeze ¶" "¶ far above the crowds I see ¶" "¶ all I need ¶" "¶ is love spinning round the circus grounds ¶" "¶ take me and bring me home again ¶" "¶ I see everything in front of me ¶" "¶ it's love and only love can bring us home ¶" "¶ fires burn from sea to sea ¶" "¶ warming me and I am free ¶" "¶ open doors in front of me ¶" "¶ only time knows where they lead ¶" "¶ everything I'll ever need ¶" "¶ standing there in front of me ¶" "¶ all I see ¶" "¶ is love spinning round the circus grounds ¶" "¶ take me and bring me home again ¶" "¶ I see everything in front of me ¶" "¶ it's love and only love ¶" "¶ can bring us home ¶" "¶ only love, only love ¶" "¶ love spinning round the circus grounds ¶" "¶ take me and bring me home again ¶" "¶ I see everything in front of me ¶" "¶ it's love and only love can bring us home. ¶" "(classical music playing)" "(Chinese music playing)" "(choir vocalizing)" "(classical music playing)" "Subtitles by LeapinLar"