"[ALARM BUZZES]" "What time is it?" "It's 3:47." "I was born on this day exactly 13 years ago, at 3:48." "You have an excellent memory." "Four, three, two, one yes." "I am now officially a teenager." "Well, pin a rose on your nose." "Well, I have to rest up for my party tonight." "Oh, and don't forget, you're not invited." "I liked you better when you were a kid." "Well, those days are over." "Because you're now sharing a room with a sophisticated, mature young woman." "I'm 13!" "[MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]" " Happy birthday, D.J." " Thanks, Jake." " Hey, Gibbler." " Hey, Bitterman." " Dweeb." " Dweebette." "So, D.J., where's your future boyfriend?" " Who?" " You know who." "Kevin Gwin." "You love him and you know it." "I do not love him." "I just like him." "You like him a lot." "Okay, I like him a lot." "But only if he likes me." "[DOORBELL RINGS]" " Hi, D.J." " Hi, Kevin." "Come on in." "Happy 13th." "This is from me but I lost your card." "Well, I'm glad you didn't lose my address." "You could make this the best birthday she's ever had." "You'll have to excuse Kimmy." "The mall's open, but nobody's shopping." "Okay, Michelle, D.J. says I'm not allowed to go to her party." " Can you believe it?" " No." "It's true." "She had the nerve to say I'm nosy." "Now, go take a picture of the party." "I gotta know what's going on." "Okay." "No problem." "Okay." "Come on, Michelle." "Hey, birthday party!" "Say cheese." " Michelle." " Thank you." "I did it." "I did it." "Dad, Stephanie sent Michelle in to spy on my party." "All I got is a picture of the ceiling." "Don't have a cow." "There's the birthday girl, Joey." "Let's get her again." "No, not again." "[SINGING] Thirteen candles" "Whoa, oh, oh, oh" "Please, they'll hear you in there." "Stephanie, you're supposed to be out with Joey." "It so happens, we were just leaving on our date." "Joey and I are going to the Daffy Duck film festival." "[IMITATING DAFFY DUCK] And after, we'll go out for pizza." " Sorry." " Come on." "What are you guys doing down here?" "I thought we had an agreement." "Yes, our agreement is that you and your friends will behave, and we stay out of your way." "I'll be right upstairs with Becky working on Monday's show." "So just let us say hello to your guests show them a few of your baby pictures, maybe that video of your first bath" " Dad." " Sorry." "I just wanna meet Kevin Gwin, the boy you're secretly in love with." "You little sneak." "You read my diary." "Hey, it's not my fault." "You left it in the bottom of the sock drawer with the key taped under your bed where anyone could find it." "Forget about Kevin." "We'll go in, we'll say hello and goodbye." "Follow me." "All right." "Come here." " Which one's Kevin?" " Shh." "Okay, everyone this is my family." "They'd just like to say hi." "FAMILY:" "Hi." "GUESTS:" "Hi." "And now they're leaving." " Bye." " Bye." " Bye, Kevin." " Bye." " That's him." " Out." "Out." "Out." "So you're Kevin Gwin." "I've read so much about you." "Stephanie, for the last time, get out and stay out." " How" " Rude." "Bye." "[HUMMING]" "Ah, now, this is a party." "You got singing, dancing, crazy rabbits." "He's not crazy." "Hold it, fur-ball." "Why you always follow me around?" "The doggy can't talk." "I know that." "Hey, you." "Out." " Hey." " Comet loves you." "All right, come here." "I'm gonna teach you who's the master, and who's the mutt around here, okay?" "I'm gonna teach you a very simple command." "All the dogs know it." "It's very simple." "It's called sit." "Okay, you ready?" "Sit." "Sit." "Put your butt on the carpet, dog." "Be nice to the doggy." "Sit, Comet." "You get a cookie." "See?" "Be nice." "All right." "I'm gonna dig deep into my soul and try to be nice to this mutt." "Hello, Comet." "Comet, you're such a pretty dog." "Comet-poo, why don't you try sitting, huh, pal?" "Come on, Comet." "Will you sit for me, pally?" "Come on, here." "It's very simple." "Let me show you how it's done." "You simply put your back legs down and" " See how I'm doing it?" "See, Comet?" "I'm sitting." "Very good." "You get a cookie." "D.J., the party's almost over." "Why are you dancing with Elliot?" "You should be dancing with Kevin Gwin." "I would, but Kevin didn't ask me." "Well, go ask him." "It's easy." "Watch." " Bitterman, wanna dance?" " Yeah, why not." "Maybe later." "I'm busy." "See?" "Nothing to it." "He's coming over." "Now's your perfect chance." " This is a cool party." " Thanks." "You're a good dancer." "I was watching you." "You're good too." " Think so?" " Yeah." "Well, I'm gonna go get some punch." "Okay." "Kathy, you gotta help me get D.J. and Kevin together." " They are so shy." " Don't worry." "I know the perfect way." "[WHISPERING]" "Rebecca, does Wake Up, San Francisco really have to have a tango segment?" " I'm gonna make a fool of myself." " That's why we have to have it." "Okay, the secret to the tango is attitude." "Okay." "[SPEAK SPANISH]" "[IN SPANISH ACCENT] Just the sight of you makes my heart scream "babalu."" " Oh!" "Ow!" " Sorry." "Too much attitude." "[SPEAKS SPANISH]" "[SPEAKS SPANISH]" "Tiene mercy." "Hi, Joey." "Whoa, you got a lot of fillings." "How was the Daffy Duck festival?" "[IMITATES DAFFY DUCK] It was thoroughly stimulating." "KIMMY:" "Okay, everybody, listen up." "Did you guys hear that?" "I forgot." "We can hear what's going on down at the party." "JESSE:" "Cool." "BECKY:" "Oh, come on, you guys." " You shouldn't spy on her." " Shh." "KIMMY:" "All right, everybody sit in a circle." "Elliot, turn off the lights." "Who wants to spin the bottle first?" "GUYS [TOGETHER]:" "Spin the bottle?" "Ow!" " Serves you right." " We gotta get down there now." "No, wait a minute." "Hold it, you guys." "Now, this is D.J.'s first boy-girl party." "You can't go barging in there like a SWAT team." "No, wait a minute." "She's right." "Now, we gotta stop and think of some legitimate excuses then we barge in like a SWAT team." "First we get something for this headache." "[IMITATES DAFFY DUCK] How about some aspirin?" " I'll go get some more punch." " D.J., you're the birthday girl." " You gotta play." " Hey, we gonna spin or what?" "Chill, Bitterman." "I'll go first." "And the lucky winner is...." "Oh, no." "It landed on...?" "Bitterman." "BOTH:" "Ew." "Okay, that was my practice spin." "Uh-uh." "You gotta kiss him." "Okay, let's get this over with." "TOGETHER:" "Whoa, baby!" "Okay, Kevin, you're next." " Someone else can go." " Come on, everybody's waiting." "All right, D.J." " Hey, you guys set me up." " So what?" "Don't you wanna kiss Kevin?" "Let's go, Kev." "Plant one on her." "Come on, Deej." "What are you waiting for?" "Come on, you guys." "You gotta kiss." "So kiss, kiss, kiss." " I think they want us to kiss." " I think you're right." "Nope, nothing wrong with the lights." "Switch was just in the wrong position." "Peanuts." "Popcorn." "Programs." "You don't know the kids without a program." "Hey, it's your Uncle J, coming to you live with the sounds of today." "With the latest in the fast-dancing, no-touching music." "Oh, would you look at that." "There's that ketchup bottle I've been looking for." "Let's go find a hamburger, shall we?" "Okay." "Who wants to dance?" "GIRL 1:" "I do." "GIRL 2:" "Me." "I want to." "Not with me." "With the boys." "Everybody dancing, come on." "Everybody" " No touching." "Come on, space is your friend." "We'll have fun, fun, fun, till your daddy takes the ketchup bottle away." "Have fun, kids." "It's getting late." "I gotta go." "I just" " Well" " Happy birthday." "Thanks for coming." "Thanks a lot, Kimmy." " Everybody, have fun." "GUESTS:" "Yeah, yeah." "Thanks for spying on me." "Honey, we didn't mean to embarrass you." "Oh, you could've fooled me." ""Peanuts, popcorn...."" "Uncle J with "no-touching music," that was real subtle." "Not to mention, "There's that ketchup bottle I've been looking for."" "D.J., as long as these kids are in my house, I'm responsible for them." "I don't think their parents would appreciate them playing spin the bottle." "How did you know about it anyway?" "Were you listening at the door?" "No, the fireplace." " D.J., about these kissing games" " Dad, I didn't even" "I wasn't even" " I never" "Forget it, I can't talk to you about this." "Thanks for ruining my birthday." "D.J." "What happened?" " She hates me." " Oh, she doesn't hate you." "If she hates anybody it's me." "I came up with that "Uncle J" stuff." "You have to realize that D.J.'s a teenager now." "This is a really confusing time in her life." "[SIGHS]" "It's times like this I really wish D.J. had a mother." "Becky, would you do me a huge favor?" "No, Danny, I won't marry you." "But I will talk to D.J." " Thanks." " You're welcome." "Ah, guys, maybe we need to relax." "I mean, all three of us played spin the bottle when we were kids." "I remember my best spin ever, Diane Van Zandt." "Have mercy." "What about you guys?" "TOGETHER:" "Colleen Finegan." " When?" " Eighth grade." "Seventh grade." "[KNOCKING]" "I don't wanna talk about it." "D.J., it's Becky." "What is it?" "Can I borrow 5 bucks?" "What?" "I'm this upset and all you wanna do is borrow money?" "No, but I got you to open the door." "You wanna talk?" "There's nothing to talk about." "Dad, Joey and Uncle Jesse came barging into my party right when Kevin and I were...." "Never mind." "Deej, whatever you say is just between you and me." "You know that, don't you?" "Yeah." "So, what happened?" "Oh, Becky we were playing spin the bottle and they set it up so Kevin and I were gonna kiss." "And I really like him and I kind of wanted to but I didn't want to, you know?" "Because everybody was watching, and I've never kissed anyone before." "D.J., you should never do something just because people want you to do it." "A kiss is a very special, very personal thing." "Especially your first kiss." "I was a little scared." "Everybody's scared about their first kiss." "Kimmy wasn't." "Never go by Kimmy." "But I was scared about my first kiss." "It was at a school picnic." "Jimmy Stone and I had just won the three-legged race." "And then we went for a walk down by the pond which wasn't easy, because we were still tied together." "And we both went to untie the knot, and we bumped heads." "And we started laughing so hard that we fell over." "And then he kissed me." "I'll never forget that." " I hope mine's that nice." " It will be." "You just wait for the right time with the right guy." "How will I know?" "You listen to your heart." "You'll know." "Thanks." "It's really hard to talk to the guys and my dad about this kind of stuff." "Well, I'm always here for you." "But don't forget, no matter what your problem is your dad and Uncle Jesse and Joey are always on your side because they love you very much." "Now, get back to your party." "Thanks, Becky." "Why couldn't I just do that to Kevin?" "Happy birthday, Deej." "I gotta get home." " Me too." "Bye, D.J." " Bye." "Hope you had fun." "Thank you for coming." " Good party." " Thanks." "Drive safely." "D.J." "I hope you're not mad at me about that spin-the-bottle stuff." "I just wanted your 13th birthday to be special." "You're my best friend." "Thanks, Kimmy." "You're...." "One of a kind." " Ready, babe?" " Wow, I'm a "babe."" " Bye." "Good party." " See you at school." " Bye." " Thanks." "Bye." " Here you go." " Thanks." " See you tomorrow." " Good night." " Hi." " Bye, Deej." " Bye." " Happy birthday." "Good night, guys." " Bye." " Good night." "Thanks, Becky." "You guys need any help?" "No, it's still your birthday for two more hours." "You go live it up, kid." "Well, first I want to apologize." "I'm sorry I got mad at you guys." "You didn't ruin my birthday." "I was just upset over some other things." "You wanna talk about it, honey?" "Thanks, but I feel better now." "But don't feel bad." "I'm sure I'll have plenty of other problems for you guys to talk to me about." "Well, we certainly hope so." "[KNOCKING]" "I got it." " Hi." "Kevin, right?" " Yeah." "Is it okay if I talk to D.J.?" "Sure, come on in." "Deej, it's for you." " Hi, Kevin." " Hi." "Oh, I'll" " I'll just go clean up the living room." "Oh, I'll just go watch him." "I'll just continue my obedience training with Comet." "Heel, Comet." "Heel, boy." "Comet, heel." "Comet, let's" " Let's heel, see?" "There we go." "This is us heeling." "There we go, I'm heeling you, you're heeling me." "Hey, there...." "We'll be in the living room...." "Heeling." "I found your birthday card." "You came back just to give me this?" "And to tell you I had nothing to do with that spin-the-bottle setup." "I know." "It was Kimmy's idea." "She thinks we're the perfect couple." "Hey, nobody can be wrong all the time." "Well, happy birthday." "Wait, I'll walk you out." " Thanks again for my present." " You're welcome." "And thanks for coming back with the card." "No problem." "Well, bye." "Bye." " See you in Algebra Monday." " I'll be there." "Yes." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH SDH]"