"(PHONE RINGING)" "PAUL:" "Hi, we're out." "Leave a message and we'll call you back." "(BEEPING)" "JAMIE:" "Honey, it's me." "Are you there?" "Are you there?" "Yes, yes, I'm here." "Hang on one second." "Debbie and Jim want us to come over and look at their wedding video." "You never saw me." "JAMIE:" "Are you there?" "Fold the ends like a flag?" "Whatever the hell that means." "(DOOR SHUTTING)" "Oh, no." "Hello?" "PAUL:" "Hi." "Thank God." "I thought you might be your parents." "Boy, you think that scares you?" "So, how did they go?" "Good, I think." "I hope." "I don't know." "I just..." "I figure three interviews in one day, I got to get one, right?" "I mean, just law of averages." "Your agent called." "What did he say?" "That he called." "Did you ever fold a flag?" "Once." "I don't like to talk about it." "What are you doing?" "I'm making Chinese food." "Why?" "'Cause your parents love Chinese food." "So why don't we just order in?" "Because, did you see Empire's new menu?" "They raised the prices again." "(EXCLAIMING) So, what, this is, like, cheaper?" "I thought it was when I started." "I really wish you would just stop worrying about the money, please." "Meanwhile, you're killing yourself trying to find something." "I'm" " I'm working." "It's what people do." "WOMAN ON PHONE:" "Artist Talent Agency." "Carol, Paul Buchman." "How you doing?" "Returning his call." "Okay." "Thank you." "She put me through to his car." "That's a good sign, right?" "Putting me through to his car?" "Nobody delivers bad news from a moving vehicle." "Why not?" "I just made it up." "Go with me." "David, hi." "How you doing?" "Yeah." "Good, good, good." "I'm good." "Very good." "Thank you." "So what" " So what's up?" "Got one." "I told you." "Actually, you didn't, but thank you." "Which, uh..." "So which one?" "The Harvey Keitel thing?" "Or, what, the soap opera, or..." "Hello?" "Hey!" "I got cut off." "That's all right." "He'll call back." "(SCOFFS)" "I'm giving the man 10 percent of my salary and he's driving through tunnels." "Did you know there's no lobster in lobster sauce?" "Do you think maybe you're overdoing this a little bit here?" "So what?" "So..." "A, you're not Chinese." "And two, don't you have schoolwork to do?" "I did it." "So do some more." "I did it all." "I see." "Seriously, I did all my reading for the whole semester." "So everything that there possibly could be to know, you know?" "Except how to fold a flag, yes." "All right, so if you know so much, tell me, when is this guy going to call me back?" "He will." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Oh, stop it." "David." "Yes, how you doing?" "Okay." "No, please, you got to get to Jersey somehow." "So, you were saying, which one of the three..." "Oh, good." "That's good." "No." "Fine." "Tomorrow is good." "Thank you." "All right." "Thanks." "Bye." "So, come on, which one did you get?" "I would like you to guess." "The independent film with Harvey Keitel!" "No!" "All right, the soap opera." "But TV for directors." "This is..." "That thing they show you when you get on the airplane about how to buckle up and find the exit and don't inflate your vest till you get outside the plane." "Bingo!" "Yay!" "Who wants more?" "Sylvia?" "Thanks, honey." "It's a little oriental for me." "It's great." "Thank you." "Is it on yet?" "Not yet." "Tell us when it's on." "I will." "Dad, relax." "It's within walking distance." "How often is your father's commercial on TV?" "Once a year." "Once a year." "Just for the sale." "Just for the sale." "I hope you're going to be there to help out." "I am." "It's the one day a year I ask." "It's gonna kill you?" "What did I just say?" "I am." "I'll be there." "Who said you wouldn't?" "Is it on yet?" "Not yet." "I still don't understand why you wouldn't take me up on my offer." "I have let Morty shoot my commercials for 20 years." "What am I going to say?" ""My son is a director now." ""Go lie down in the cemetery."" "I'm just saying..." "What?" "You need the money?" "No, no, no." "Because if things get slow, remember there's always the store." "We're doing fine." "In fact, Paul is starting a new job tomorrow." "Okay." "Please." "What?" "You got that Harvey Keitel thing?" "Actually, the Harvey Keitel, they went with somebody else." "Good." "I don't care for his penis." "(STAMMERING) What does that mean?" "Well, in The Piano, it was so unnecessary." "Hey, it's on." "Why didn't you tell us?" "Quick!" "Get to your seats." "(SHUSHING)" "MAN ON TV:" "That's Buchman's Sporting Goods, where we've got everything for your sporting goods needs." "Hello, I'm Burt Buchman." "Owner of Buchman's Sporting Goods, where we got everything for your sporting goods needs." "Do you have sneakers?" "We have sneakers, so run on down." "You got fishing equipment?" "We have rods and reels to lure you in." "Do you have bats?" "Bats?" "I must have bats in the belfry to be giving things away at these prices." "Right here at Buchman's Sporting Goods' Midnight Madness Sale." "Remember, that's Buchman's Sporting Goods, where we got everything." "Fore!" "Your sporting goods needs." "So what do you think?" "(WHIMPERS)" "What?" "Put the glasses on." "I'm fine." "Yeah, all right." "Do me a favor, hold this up." "For what?" "Just like you're a stewardess or something." "Are we gonna do something dirty?" "For the film, for the film." "Did you know that 48 percent of all women 18 to 34 buy at least one major piece of exercise equipment every year?" "What are you reading, there?" "Some stuff I looked up." "I thought I'd help your father out with his sale." "You know, do a little PR or something." "Why?" "Why not?" "It's what I do." "No, no, it's what you did." "Now you're in school." "Wow, you would not believe the number of people who own their own bowling shoes." "Hey." "I can do both." "I'm just gonna set up a mailing, maybe place a few articles in the paper, get somebody to name a sandwich after him." "You can do that?" "I've done it." "Maybe a slogan?" "What kind of slogan?" "I don't know." "What rhymes with sports?" "Okay." "You know what?" "It's impossible to make seat belts interesting." "It will be interesting." "Yeah, that's why they have all those blockbusters out there." "You know, The Good, the Bad and the Seat Belts." "Robin Hood, Prince of Seat Belts." "All right." "Seat Belt Gump." "Fine." "What rhymes with tetherball?" "Seat Belts in Seattle, for example." "I'm not upset though." "You know why?" "There'll always be the store." "It's going to happen, you know." "What?" "You." "I know, I know, I know." "Do you?" "Yes, yes, yes." "How about a baseball player?" "Ha!" "Unfortunately, I don't have the arm." "I mean for the sale." "I thought I could get a celebrity in there." "Get him to sign a few balls, bring people in." "Do you know Mickey Mantle?" "Yes, I do and I've decided to not tell you." "Who is the greatest baseball player that's ever lived that I can get really, really cheap?" "That would be Sloopy Dunbar." "Don't make fun of me." "Sloopy Dunbar, actual guy." "Sloopy Dunbar played for the Yankees, '59 to '68." "His name was Sloopy?" "No, his name was Rocky." "They called him Sloopy." "Oh, I see." "Yeah." "Do you know, my father took me to the third game of the World Series, 1964." "Your dad took you to ball games?" "'64 once and..." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "We always used to go." "He used to sit there the whole time." "He would just..." "He would try and, like, guess the gross markup on the equipment." "And I had my little Brownie Instamatic." "I'm trying to get the best angle on the field." "I don't know why, but that time, after a couple of innings, I put away my camera and he put away his stuff and we just sat there, my dad and I, and we watched the game." "And Sloopy Dunbar hit this line drive, came right--right at me, and I just..." "Oh, wow!" "What rhymes with Sloopy?" "Oh, everything." "I worked up three different layouts so you could pick out which one you like." "Which one do you like?" "The first one." "So go with that." "Don't you want to see the others?" "Why?" "You should have options." "Why?" "My boss always made me do three." "Why?" "I don't know." "Look, I hate to see you knock yourself out like this." "Let me give you a couple bucks." "Burt, I'm fine." "You're a starving student." "I'm not starving." "Get her something to eat." "Burt, please stop." "I don't need anything." "We're doing fine." "Come on, I know things have been slow for Paulie lately." "They were." "They're fine now." "Well, look, there's always the store, you know." "Please, we're doing just fine." "Besides, Paul starts his movie today." "Is it good?" "He's really excited about it." "So, you did Death of a Salesman on Broadway," "Shakespeare in the Park?" "Terrific." "Great." "Okay." "So you know the part." "Whenever you're ready." "And, action." "Very nice." "Good, thank you." "Next?" "Come here." "Help me out." "Lick that." "Hi." "Hey, hi." "Question." "Did we ever buy any floss?" "No." "I got a thing in my tooth that's killing me." "A piece of pretzel the size of a human lung." "What is all this stuff?" "It's for your dad's sale." "Why is he asking you to do all this..." "He's not asking." "I volunteered." "Gee, how much did all this cost?" "Nothing." "I worked the neighborhood." "I don't know what that means." "I'm writing press releases for the copy store." "I traded three promo ideas for the envelopes." "And I'm baby-sitting the mailman's kid for the stamps." "Do you want hamburgers for dinner?" "What, you gonna slaughter a cow in your spare time?" "Do we have toothpicks?" "No." "I tell you, this thing is like a boulder." "Give me that." "What is the matter with you?" "Nothing." "It's just, you know, it's bad etiquette." "Bad etiquette?" "It's you and me and Murray." "So?" "Who is he going to tell?" "Just forget it." "What is that?" "It's nothing." "What is..." "Can I please see this?" ""Jaime Buchman, public relations."" "Oh, yeah." "That's right." "I opened my own business today." "I'm gonna go buy you some floss." "What happened to, like, going to school?" "I can do both." "How?" "I just can." "How?" "I just can." "You hated PR." "I loved PR." "Yeah, you loved it so much that you had to quit?" "This is gonna be different." "BOTH:" "How?" "Because..." "Because now I'm working for myself." "Ever since I've been doing this stuff for your father, all of these ideas, all these parts of me were just there again." "Only they were so much better 'cause I didn't have to filter them through 16 idiots before I could use them." "Well, do you think I don't know what you're doing?" "What?" "You're worried about the money." "What, like you have to cover for me?" "Oh!" "I knew you would think that!" "Because it's true." "No, because you think things." "Hey, I only think things that are there to think." "No, you think up things to think." "I think up things to think, because they are there to be thought." "My head's gonna explode." "You don't have to do this." "What if I want to?" "Is that okay?" "Are you asking me?" "No." "Here's the deal." "If you are doing it for me, no." "I will take care of me." "If you're doing it for us, I will take care of us." "If you are doing it for you, okay." "I'm doing it for me." "What, 'cause, like, I don't count?" "Paulie, come on, get me with Sloopy." "Pop, the guy himself is gonna be here in two minutes." "That's what I'm saying." "Hurry." "Here we go." "(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)" "I think it's a good idea if we all wear some of the equipment." "You know, kind of create an image." "Burt, those sneakers..." "Oh, good luck." "Do you know how long I had these sneakers?" "BOTH:" "Twenty years." "Twenty years." "For me?" "All right." "How did you do that?" "You guys know what you're doing?" "(SLURRING) Uh, you know what you're doing?" "(SLURRING) I don't know." "You know?" "I don't know what I'm doing." "All right, all right, all right." "You two guys, quit horsing around." "Do you know what you're doing or not?" "Pop, I should think so." "You know, I've only been training for this job since I'm six." "Well, it's something you should know." "Dad..." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "It's almost midnight." "Okay, Lisa, get on the equipment." "Burt, hurry and lace up." "You two get on the floor." "And, Sylvia..." "What, honey?" "(STAMMERING) Uh, you're good." "Ready?" "Three, two, one." "I might be a little fast." "I hate Sloopy Dunbar." "He's 20 minutes late" "I can't find him anywhere." "(DOOR CHIMES RINGING)" "Paul, a live one." "Ten seconds?" "Give me five." "Got it." "Hey, hey, that's the one that I would have picked." "Oh, yeah, well, I'm just looking." "And I'm just talking." "But it is a beauty, though, isn't it?" "Yup, that's the one." "Thank you." "Wait, what are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "I got three calls on this one." "What is it?" "25 percent off?" "No it's 30." "But it's already taken." "Yeah, by me." "Listen, I'm really sorry." "That's not fair." "All right, all right." "Come on, I'll ring you up." "Hey, I love these sneakers." "Yes, we heard about the sneakers." "Hey, look at that total." "It's not even 2:00 yet." "We're gonna go out of here with a bang." "You're going out of here with a..." "What do you mean going?" "Where are you going?" "You didn't tell him?" "You told me you'd tell him." "Well, why don't you tell me, and then I'll tell him." "Paulie, this is gonna be my last sale." "What are you talking about?" "I mean, I'm thinking of maybe retiring." "You're retiring." "Why is that so hard to say?" "Who said it's hard to say?" "I'm retiring." "There." "Maybe." "Are you serious?" "We think it's time, and I agree." "Forty-three years in sporting goods." "It's time for the next generation to step in." "Hey, you know what I'm saying?" "Yeah." "No." "Yes, I do." "Yeah, just a second." "Jaime..." "Yeah, gee, wow." "LISA:" "Heads up!" "Listen to this." "Who could we hire to be Sloopy Dunbar?" "He'll be here." "Five more minutes and I'm putting you in a Yankee uniform." "Listen to this." "My father is retiring." "What?" "He just told me." "Oh, my God." "I can't imagine." "What am I gonna say?" "What am I gonna say?" "About what?" "The store." "He wants to give me the store." "I don't want the store." "What am I gonna do with the store?" "So tell him." "Tell him!" "I've been telling him since I'm 12." "What, is he gonna suddenly listen?" "So what are you gonna do?" "He really likes you." "Forget it." "Is that Sloopy?" "Excuse me." "Hi, I'm Jaime Buchman, Mr. Dunbar?" "Got my check?" "Yes, I do." "Yes, I do have your check." "It's right here." "Call me Sloopy." "Okay." "Uh, Sloopy, this is my husband, Paul." "Hi, Paul." "Sloopy, I gotta..." "Wow!" "It's just an honor." "I mean, Sloopy Dunbar, wow!" "I gotta tell you, I used to watch you play." "And you probably don't remember this, but I was there at the third game of the '64 Series and in the fifth inning you fouled off this pitch." "And it was coming right at me." "I swear, right at me." "And I reach up, the sun got in my eyes, and it just went over my head, but I..." "I almost had it." "Can we get the show on the road?" "Okay." "Here we go." "This is the crowd?" "Uh, well..." "Yeah, what did I expect?" "They name candy bars after Reggie Jackson, they name diseases after Lou Gehrig." "You know what they named after me?" "No." "My sister's kid." "Okay." "Whoa, whoa." "Whoa." "Cut off my legs and call me shorty." "Um, uh, Fran Devanow, this is Sloopy Dunbar." "Oh, hi." "Hey." "I see no wedding band." "Oh, well, I don't wear it." "I see no tan line." "I don't tan." "What do you say I spring you for dinner, huh?" "I don't eat." "If I was Killebrew, you'd eat." "Pretty boy." "You ever see him in the shower, huh?" "Hey, hey, hey, look who's here!" "Burt Buchman." "Welcome to my store." "I got to say, 43 years in one location, and nothing like this." "Paulie, get the camera." "I got it." "What a thing." "Is this a thing?" "I told you we're going out with a bang." "Hey, you want to meet my heir apparent?" "Okay, Dad..." "You come back next year, this will be the man." "All right, Dad, it's okay." "What, okay?" "He's got to know." "Listen..." "Ira, get over here." "What?" "Come over here." "Here he is, this is the man." "Hey." "Hang on, Sloopy." "Where you going?" "I'm going for a little walk." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "Why wouldn't I be?" "No reason." "Because my father didn't leave me the store?" "I don't want the store." "Okay." "So why would it bother me?" "Because he didn't ask you." "Hey, Paulie, big deal, huh?" "Hey, hey, good for you." "Thanks." "I mean, I don't know what I'm gonna do when the band hits, but you know... (SCOFFING) That's the price of success." "I'm gonna..." "Do you want some company?" "I'm going to go check on Sloopy." "Okay, why don't you do that?" "What?" "No, go." "Go check on Sloopy." "No, 'cause you're doing great." "Yay!" "You're packing them in here, and I'm sure your business is really gonna take off." "That's good." "So at least one of us will..." "I would just appreciate it if you didn't lord it over me like that." "Okay?" "I'm very impressed, yeah." "You can go to school, and you can open up your own business, and you can do..." "And you can cook from Taiwan." "That's great." "Meanwhile, I'll teach the entire world how to put their trays in an upright position." "So I'm real..." "Excuse me, what is the difference between these two clubs?" "Six iron." "Eight iron." "So..." "So the difference would be two." "Okay." "Will you excuse us, please?" "First of all, I am doing this for me." "I am doing what I want to do." "I thought we settled that." "Well, maybe we did." "Or maybe you're just angry at your father." "Yes." "Yes, I'm angry at my father, but I can't talk to my father." "I know how to talk to you." "What would I say to him?" "What do I say?" ""Gee, Dad, why didn't you believe in me?" ""Did you think I couldn't handle it?"" "He didn't even give me the option." "Just ask him why." "What is he gonna say?" "Hi, Paulie, how you doing?" "Good, I'm okay." "Listen..." "I'm actually tired." "I'm not tired, tired." "You know, I just..." "I took a nap this afternoon, but I don't know if I fell asleep." "Maybe I fell asleep." "I don't even know." "Listen, Dad..." "I had them right here." "What's that?" "(EXCLAIMS)" "So Ira is taking over the store, huh?" "Well, your sisters didn't want it." "You asked them?" "Of course." "What kind of father do you think I am?" "Hey, look what I found." "You see who it is?" "Sloopy." "It's Sloopy." "Maybe he'll sign it, huh?" "Remember that game?" "You saved this?" "You took it." "You and that damn camera." "Ah, they're gone." "What?" "What are you looking for?" "There's not a tennis ball in the joint." "We must have sold out." "Some sale, huh?" "Yeah." "You know, that wife of yours, she has some ideas." "Yeah." "This was good for her." "Tell you the truth, I think she was beginning to feel a little left behind." "By who?" "Is she married to somebody else?" "How is she..." "How is she left behind by me?" "I'm not going anywhere." "Going?" "You're going!" "You've been going since you were 12." "You and that damn camera." "Paulie, what time is it?" "It's practically 5:00." "It's almost over." "Forty-three years." "Who'd have thought?" "Do you know how many times we almost went under?" "I never heard that." "1962, we were that far from closing up for good." "Don't tell your mother." "I wouldn't want her to worry." "I never knew..." "What happened?" "I kept going." "Here I am." "You know, it's not going to be that easy for me to walk away." "At least I know I'm leaving it in good hands." "You got Ira." "Oh, yeah, listen, I've been meaning to talk to you about that." "Really?" "You don't think I made him feel bad, do you?" "What are you talking about?" "Well, I mean, he needs it and he's good at it, but he has his heart so set on that cockamamie band of his being the next big thing." "Yeah, well, you don't know." "Maybe it will be." "Oh, come on." "You know and I know." "Not like you." "Paulie, tell me something." "What?" "Am I standing?" "Yeah." "I love these sneakers." "PAUL:" "Tired?" "JAMIE:" "It's nice though." "When's the last time we stayed up and watched the sunrise?" "Don't get up." "Oh, all right." "Look, Paulie, he signed it." "You don't mind if I keep it, do you?" "He said he'll give you a ball." "All yours." "Thank you, sweetheart." "Thank you." "Ira, closing up?" "Closing up." "Okay, boss." "I'll get us a cab." "If I was Mantle, they'd have sent a car." "Either I'm really tired, or he grows on you." "Fran, come on, I haven't had nothing to eat all night except tobacco." "I'm really tired." "(LAUGHING)" "Oh, one second." "Hey, kid." "Okay, now this is my imitation of Mattingly during the '94 World Series." "(SNORING)" "Okay, now this is my imitation of Canseco during the '94 World Series." "(LAUGHING)" "Now, this is my imitation of Bagwell during the '94 World Series." "(WHISTLES)" "I'm really tired."