"A mind-blowing Christmas" "I am Matteo and this is my house." " Hello, Mom." "Hello, Dad." " Hello, love." "Today I'm very happy, because Christmas holidays are starting tomorrow." "My parents are happy, too:" "business is very good." "They sell a delicious cheese." "It will be a wonderful Christmas." " Can I get two caciottinas?" " Certainly." "Three for me." "Lightly salted." "Easy, there are enough for everyone." "You owe me 2 euros from the last time." "Remember?" "Are they cops?" "Freeze." "Down on your knees." "Hands behind your head." "Pietro, what's going on?" " What do they want?" " How would I know?" "Let's hear." " Mr. and Mrs. Corradi?" " Yes." "I'm Lt. Prisco, of the Special Operations Group." "Your products are mind-blowing." "Ah, well, yes, thank you, you're very kind." "But there was no need to come by helicopter to tell us." "Are you being facetious?" "Your products are literally mind-blowing." "They contain massive doses of marijuana." "And you're charged with manufacture and sale of it." " Manufacture, sale..." "What are you talking about?" " Bonfante, come on." "This can't be real." "The farmhouse is surrounded." "On your knees, hands behind your head and put the cheese in front of you." "You too, ma'am." "Don't hide the caciottina." "Here it is." "The marijuana they put in the cheese." "Let's go." "But we don't know anything about it." "You couldn't be unaware that your milk had been altered." "Marshal, there's a misunderstanding, we only use the milk from our goats." "I'm a lieutenant!" "You'll have plenty of time to explain." "You have a barbaric way to arrest people." "This is a very emotional treatment, based on a extract from wild herbs from Manila, which penetrates right into the wrinkle." "Pore by pore." "Pore by pore." "Visualize the wrinkle... and try to stretch the wrinkle from the inside." "Yes?" "It's me, I wanted to know if I can come home for dinner tonight, so we can talk." " Mrs. Marisa?" " Don't call me all the time." "I just wanted to ask if I have to close my eyes." " For me, we're still together." " We're not together." "We're separated." "I didn't sign a separation agreement." " You'd better do it quickly." " That's what I'm doing." "You have another man and I have a right to know who he is." "Mrs. Marisa?" "Don't start that again, for crying out loud!" "I'm sorry." " Ma'am, I've brought some chicory." " What did he say?" "No, nothing!" "The supply of wild herbs has arrived from Manila." "Just focus on the "pore by pore" thing." " Giustino?" " Marisa?" "Remo called me." "Again?" "Yes." "No way, he won't give up." "A real man is judged by his "acctions"." "I'm also writing that." " Giustino?" " Yeah?" "Excuse me, Giustino, isn't "actions" spelled with one "c"?" " It depends." " Did you misspell my tattoo?" "You asked me to write:" ""A real man is judged by his..."" " "...actions."" " That's what I wrote: "acctions"." "Come on." "Honey, do you know what I was thinking?" "We've been dating for nearly a month now." "I think it's time for us to develop our relationship, right?" "And to go out, to meet your friends." "Things are not that easy." "What I want to do, doesn't always coincide with what I have to do." " My work doesn't allow me to have relationships." " Why?" "Many musicians have a relationship." "Darling..." "Being a musician is a cover-up." "Why do you think I've never broken through?" "Oh no." "I've never broken through because I'm working for the Secret Services." "But now that I've told you, unfortunately... we can't see each other anymore." ""Private number"?" "Do you think I'm stupid?" "Now I understand." "You have another woman!" "Hello?" " Yes, I'll put him on right away." " Who is it?" "I'm sorry for doubting you." "I'm leaving and you won't ever see me again." "Yes, hello?" "The Special Operations Group?" "!" "I was just kidding..." "But there must be a mistake because..." "No, I'm his brother." " Are you really sure?" " Of course I am." "Can't I see them?" " They're formalizing the arrest." " Is the situation serious?" "No!" "It's just 96 plants of marijuana, 100 Kg of altered cheese, manufacture, sale, and a fast-track trial." "Do you think it's serious?" " How can this be?" " Who are you?" "I'm the brother's brother, he's the sister's brother." "I'm the wife's brother and he's the husband's brother." "You'll have to wait." "So, how is it going with your music?" "Fine." "I'm playing a lot." "I'm still playing at conferences, country fairs, weddings, private parties, and things like that, but I'm not complaining." " What about your workshop?" " It's going well, I've plenty of work." " Really?" " No, it's doing bad, I have no work." " And with Marisa?" " Great." " It's as if it were the first day." " Really?" "No, she left me, I feel like shit and I'm sleeping in my car." " And how is..." " Don't ask me anything else." "If Marisa left you, you'll find another woman." "I only think about Marisa." "I'm not like you, who can only tell lies to women." " They're not lies." " No?" "I'm just consistent with my single life." "I've always had a transparent relationship with women." "Clarity and sincerity." "Tullio?" "Weren't you in China?" "Not yet, I've been detained by an appointment with a customer in Moscow." "Ah..." " And how are the twins?" " Very well, thank you." "Have they woken up from their coma?" "Only the elder one has." "If the younger one wakes up, too, we can meet." "Okay, sugar?" "Okay." "Madam, this way to file your report." " We'll be in touch, sugar." " Bye." " What was I saying?" " Clarity..." " and sincerity." " Sincerity." "Hey." "Katia, what happened?" "Oscar, I swear I don't know anything about it." "It's a misunderstanding, a folly." "We can't even talk to you." "Talk to our lawyer." " The usual miscarriage of justice." " Let's go." "I haven't yet analyzed the case, but I'll keep you informed." "Make sure to take care of Matteo." "Relax." "Don't tell him anything about this." " Let him spend a peaceful Christmas." " Yes." "At least try." "So, you would like to take care of this... child together." "Yes." "And where?" "At his place." "Together." "Interesting." "And do you think a pair of men..." "qualifies to care for a child?" " Well, yes." " Obviously." ""Obviously"..." "We, however, believe in the traditional family." "In a classical couple, man and woman, not man and boyfriend." "You think that we are..." "No, no, absolutely not." " No?" " We are his uncles." " And he is regularly married." " Exactly." "Why don't you keep him, then?" "My wife and I are having a difficult time." " Interesting." " How strange." "Other than that..." " We're not..." " That's not the impression you give." "Impression?" "Us?" "Forgive me for saying this..." "You, who are wearing..." "Why?" "Wearing an earring isn't gay." "It's not the earring itself." "It's the pendant with an owl..." "What is wrong with my pendant with an owl?" " Well, the small brilliants..." " Ah, the small brilliants?" "Having this attitude won't help you." "I assure you." "However, since you're the only direct relatives, you'll keep the child." "We asked his school to hold him until your arrival." " But we'll keep an eye on you" " We'll definitely keep an eye on you." "There he is." "He must not suspect anything." "So let's walk with a nonchalant gait and a reassuring smile." "Let's go." "Who are those two?" "They're my uncles." "More nonchalantly." " Is that a nonchalant gait?" " And you're reassuring?" "I'm very reassuring." "So, Matteo, are you happy?" "Uncle Remo and I really wanted to be with you." "Look, I'm old enough, you don't need to lie to me." "The teacher told me about Mom and Dad." "I know everything." "You know everything?" " So you know they're in jail?" " "In jail"?" "The teacher told me they were away on business." "You said "galera" ("jail"), but you meant Gallura." " Gallura." " Gallura." " Gallura, right?" " Ah!" "He pronounced it as the Milanese would." " Gallura is in Sardinia." " But the Milanese pronounce it "galera"." "Your parents are there in Sardinia for a cheese contest (he imitates a Sardinian accent)." "I have to rush, I have to play at a wedding." "Don't forget, Remo." "Relax, Oscar, I'll take care of him." "Bye, Uncle Oscar." "You'll like the meatballs!" "For Christmas I'd like a Spiderman bike." " Okay." " It costs 150 euros." "But Spiderman uses spiderwebs, not a bike!" "I'll tell you what:" "write a letter to Santa Claus, ask him for some smaller gifts, and let him decide." "Uncle, why don't you give me the money?" "I've already saved 50 euros from my birthday." " Don't you believe in Santa Claus?" " Sure!" "But he told me it's better if you buy it, and then he'll reimburse you the money." "Ah, did he say so?" " Santa?" " Santa Claus." "Santa Claus in person." "Unbelievable!" "Let's cook these now, we'll discuss it later." "Oh!" "Jesus!" "If Uncle Oscar asks, the curtains were already like that when we arrived." "He won't buy it!" "Do you think your uncle would leave you without dinner?" "Besides, it has worked out for the best, right?" "A burger mustn't be eaten with small bites." "A real man takes a big bite." "Look." "Oh fuck... how unfortunate." "How unfortunate... that this liquid came out so unexpectedly." " But it's getting worse!" " Eh..." " Mom says that wine removes stains." " Really?" "But Mom uses white wine." "Now you tell me?" " What's that?" " Foam." "Holy cow..." " What's this?" " Powder." "There." "Let's see." "How gross!" "Let's try this." "And this?" "Acid." "Well, the stain is indeed gone." "So is the couch, though." "Here's uncle." "Hi, guys." " Hello, Uncle Oscar." " Hello, how did it go?" "Well, I'm exhausted." "I played human jukebox for three hours." "And you?" "It's all right." "We were going to bed, we are really sleepy." " Good night, then." " Good night." "What happened to the kitchen?" "Remo!" "How much for taking the blame?" " 50 euros." " 50..." "It was Matteo." "I tried to cover for you, but you're all grown up now, you have to take your responsibilities." "You, Matteo." "Why?" "Sorry, Uncle, but I'm only a child, and sometimes I don't think about the consequences of my actions." "Okay, I'm going to sleep." " Can I come in?" " Sure." "What's that?" "This is the cost of the sofa and curtains and this is my IBAN, so you can easily do the transfer." " I didn't do it!" " Yes, you did." "I gave you 50 euros for the bike!" "And I gave him 100." " Good night." " Santa Claus will reimburse you." "I can't stand those who have no ideal except the vulgar pursuit of wealth." "I can't stand those who love war, those who want money and laugh at poverty." "Yeah, poverty, poverty, yeah..." "Okay, enough, thank you." "It's unbearable." "These were the songs of political commitment... conceived by Uncle Remo when he got together with Marisa." "Nice, huh?" "Listen to the songs I used to write." " Long live the pussy..." " Long live the pussycat of the greengroceress" " Who has a nice a..." " Who has a nice ass" "You had to say "artwork by Van Gogh"." "You think a greengroceress has an artwork by Van Gogh?" "No, but it's to make people suppose you're going to say..." " "Ass", which is what I said." " If you say it, it's not funny." "Yes, but it's less hypocritical." "Now I understand why you broke up." "What was the name of your band?" "I Vazanikki." " Like the singer Mom likes?" "(Iva Zanicchi)" " No." ""I" is the article, "Vazanikki" is the name." "One of your uncle Oscar's nice inventions." "Yes, hello?" "Okay, okay, coming." "I have to go; a customer got stuck on the road." "What am I supposed to do, stay with Matteo?" " Play with him." " I can't, not because of you, Matteo." " I'm meeting with DJ Set tonight." " You won't be going." "I have to close the workshop." "So you stay here and play with Matteo." "See you later, bye." ""Play."" "Let's play..." " Go!" " Let's play!" "Fetch it, Matteo!" "But Uncle, I'm not a dog!" " Don't you have some games on the phone?" " I have a few." "Check them out." " You received a message." " What does it say?" ""Don't miss the party." "A lot of pussy."" " What does it mean?" " That we must go right away." "What does "a lot of pussy" mean?" ""A lot of pussy" means..." "A lot of people." "Yes, "pussy" is slang for "people"." " So "a lot of pussy" means "a lot of people"." " Ah." "Okay?" "Let's go." "It's nice here, eh?" "Let's have a drink." " A "deconstructed" Cuba Libre, please." " What?" " "Divided"." "Rum for me and coke for the kid." " Ah." "So you can say we had a long drink together." " What a blast!" " Here's the rum, and here's the coke." "Are you having fun?" "Not so much, there's only a lot of pussy." "Now you stay here, finish your coke, while Uncle goes to talk with the girls, okay?" " Looking for a girlfriend?" " No, heaven forbid!" "Uncle doesn't want a girlfriend." "If you have one, you can't pick up other girls, which is the funniest thing for a man." "I want to pick up one, too, then." "Teach me." "Okay." "After all, that's what uncles are for." "So, rule number one:" "What is the first thing to look for in a girl?" "Beauty?" "No, my little one, seriousness." " Seriousness!" "Right, uncle." " Exactly." "Don't go with serious girls." "Okay?" "Let's go." "The night has just begun, here at the RDS party." "Go wild with our hits." "Go!" "A disco is basically like a savannah;" "you have to catch the prey's eye." "Uncle, she's looking at you." "You've got a good eye." "Now watch me while I catch her." "Follow me nonchalantly." "Hello, what's your name?" "Are you joking?" "Okay." "What joke do you want to play?" "You really don't recognize me?" "We slept together a week ago." "That's true!" "But with your clothes on, you look very different!" "So, take notes, Matteo." "Second rule: memory is essential." "Listen, Uncle, for today I've had enough of picking up chicks." "What a bore these parties are." "My friends seem to be in heat." "And how boring these men are;" "they're all alike." "What's he doing here with a child?" "He's kind, though:" "instead of thinking about picking up chicks, look how he's looking after him." "All right, Matteo." "You play with the phone, now, and stay here." "Meanwhile, Uncle has to keep trying to find someone, okay?" "Is he your son?" "Who?" "Him?" "No." "He's my nephew." "He's staying with me for the holidays, and he dragged me to this party." " HE did?" " Well, you know..." "Kids are precocious these days." "Shall we have a drink?" "Yes, I'd love to." " Good evening." " Hello." "Hello, Remo." "Are you looking for Marisa?" "I'll call her, she's in there." " No, I'm looking for you." " Ah." "Giustino, do you know the idiot who is with Marisa?" "No, but it's best if you talk to her about these things." "Yes, you're right." "I wanted to get a tattoo for her." "A romantic tattoo." " Romantic, you say?" " Eh." " What about a Viking?" " Is a Viking romantic?" "Of course!" "Vikings were very romantic people." " Vikings?" " Not at work, in private." "No, I meant a classic thing, a writing like "I love you, Marisa."" " No." " Why not?" " I mean, a tattoo stays in your skin." " It's supposed to stay." "If it doesn't work out with her, you'll make the same mistake I made." "Look, I had to cross them out." ""Julia, Amanda, Rach..." Who is "Rach"?" "Rachele, we broke up while I was writing it." "Listen to me, write an abbreviation." "Instead of "I love Marisa", write "but I love you"." "(Ma is short for Marisa and also means "but")" " "But I love you"?" " An open tattoo, in technical terms." " What do you mean?" " Keep it vague." "If it works out with her, you'll leave it as it is." "If you change partner, you can add some words before it, like:" ""Never thought I'd say this, but I love you", or "You're a bitch, but I love you"." "I am only interested in Marisa." "Okay..." "Listen, Remo..." "I'm with Marisa." "Do you suggest that?" ""I'm with Marisa" sounds presumptuous." " Maybe "I want to be with Marisa"." " No, I'm really with Marisa." ""No, I'm really with Marisa" is too long to fit on my arm." "No, I mean I'm the one who is with Marisa." ""I'm the one who is with Marisa" sounds arrogant!" "I'm talking about ME!" "ME!" "What?" " Sweetheart?" " Yes?" " Yes?" "So you..." "Is it him?" "Hmm..." "So it's you." "I've been telling you for ten minutes." "Why?" " I don't know." " You don't know?" "I don't know." "One morning I woke up, after fifteen years together," "I looked at you while you were sleeping and..." " And?" " And I don't know." "Please elaborate." "I don't know." "Excuse me: what does he have that I don't?" " Well, he's more, more..." " More what?" "I don't know." "No, now you'll tell me why!" "Remo, if she doesn't know, there's nothing she can do about it." "Okay, Remo, I..." "It's 10 pm, I have to close the shop, so..." "No..." "I don't know..." "Remo, listen to me." "Let me tell you why." "Look at this." ""It's just the way it is." What is this?" "A sentence that contains the meaning of all existence." "Not only my existence, or yours." "Everyone's." "Ah..." " Giustino..." " Yes?" "Fuck you, okay?" "How cute you are!" "What are you doing here?" "Waiting for my uncle, who's picking up chicks." "I'm here because after a while I had enough of all that pussy." "Oh, my God!" "What a beauty." "Ihaveto playitcool with her." "Now I'll brush my lips, it always arouses them." "Does he have herpes?" "It's working." "Ah, no, he's trying to be cool." "But he's funny." "I like him." "He's so clumsy." "You know, you have beautiful eyes." "Trite, but romantic." " I bet you say that to all the girls." " No." "I don't tell all the girls that you have beautiful eyes." " What the hell did I say?" " Was that a joke?" "Yeah." "I made a joke." "What do you do for a living?" "The explor..." "Sheriff, cave explorer, fighter pilot?" "No, I want to tell her the truth." "I'm an artist, I compose." "(compongo = compose)" "You work with clay." "(con pongo = with clay)." "Beautiful!" "In elementary school I used to make a lot of clay figures." "No, I'm a musician, I compose music." "I've made a fool of myself." "I always do when I like someone." " So you're a musician?" " Yes..." "That's nice." "He's not the usual man who just wants to take me to his place." "I'd like to bring her home, but how?" "I was thinking that you could come and see me play sometime." "Of course!" "He'll try to get me into bed afterwards." "Good thing." "I could have accepted to sleep with him tonight." "No, don't tell me you already want to go to bed!" "Gosh, did he read my mind?" "Excuse me?" "Ah, you were talking to the kid!" "I've made a fool of myself again." "He's a child and, obviously, he's a bit tired." "Well, you can come with us, if you want." " Say yes, say yes..." " Say no, say no..." "Yes." "I mean, let's put him to bed, he's tired." "At least he won't catch cold." "You're good at taking care of him, after what he went through, poor kid." "Well, it's the least I can do." ""Has your wife left you?" "Too bad!"" " Uncle?" " Mmm?" "Uncle!" "Uncle!" "Uncle, it's a beautiful day!" " Wake up!" " No!" "Breakfast!" " I had a terrible night." " Breakfast!" "Matteo, Matteo, have mercy." " Please." " But I'm hungry." "Come on, Matteo, have mercy..." "Good morning." "Good morning." "How about some coffee?" "I'll fix you some." "I'll fix it." "Good morning." "Having breakfast alone?" "Yes, everybody's sleeping." "Poor thing!" "If I had known, I would've woken up earlier." "Listen, are you a slut?" "Excuse me?" "Mom says Uncle Oscar goes out with a different slut every night." "Do you also know what that word means?" "The opposite of fiancee." "Uncle Oscar doesn't want a fiance." "He doesn't want one?" " He says: "No serious girls."" " No..." "Otherwise he can't pick up other girls anymore." "He says that's the only thing girls are good for." "Does Uncle Oscar say that?" "Drink, sweetheart, drink." "Finish your breakfast, honey." "Oscar." "Listen, about last night..." " What do you think about it?" " Why?" "It was nice, we had a good time." "I was thinking..." "I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea." "It was a nice evening, but nothing more." ""Nice"?" "You said it was wonderful." "Well, one obviously says that in those moments." "Okay, it was acceptable." "Ah!" "Yes, but don't worry:" "it's normal, it happens." "The important thing is to pick up someone." "It's just for one night, after all." "Just for one night?" " Wasn't that what you thought?" " What I thought..." " Just for one night, of course." " Obviously." "Exactly." "Well, bye." "I'm going." "Wait..." "Wait a minute, it's the lawyer." "Hello, lawyer." "This is he, go ahead." " What happened?" " What happened?" "Who's she?" " I'm Remo." "Nice to meet you." " Genny." "The lawyer called:" "the prosecutor asked for ten years for Katia and Pietro." "But that's absurd." "They analyzed the cheese and it turned out to be a very potent drug." "The cheese?" "The evidence is overwhelming." "The social workers are on the way, Matteo risks being put in child care." "During the meeting we have to look perfect." "Are they already here?" "How would I know?" "Don't ask me, go and see." " It's them." " Who is it?" "Some friends of your uncles, who've come to talk about a very boring thing." " Come on, let's draw." " Thank you." "What do I do?" "Open up!" "Now proving suitability is much more complex, since the guardianship would be permanent in case of a conviction." "We know, it's a great responsibility." " We are ready to take it." " Very well." "Randelli, let's start." "This is a short test on sexual orientation." " Again!" "Why?" " Why, why, why..." "You denied being gay, but two men living all alone... may have some bizarre hankering, you never know." " What hankering?" " Let's start with the first question." "As children you used to play with..." " One:" " Dolls." " Two:" " Toy pots and pans." " Three:" " Doctor, with friends." "I played doctor with my friends." " So "friends", not "girlfriends"." " But..." "So it's #3." " Not #3." "I mean..." " Thanks so much." "And you?" "Actually, I played with dinosaur cards." "Just answer." "#2, pots and pans." "As I imagined." "Second question: what's the literal meaning of the phrase "I like men."?" " One:" " I like men." " Two:" " A coffee, please." " Three:" " The cathedral is over there, on the left." " I like men." " I agree." "This is pretty much a coming-out, my colleague; they've confirmed." "Do you realize the stupidity..." "The test is scientific and, as I expected, you gave ambiguous answers." " Isn't wearing nail polish ambiguous?" " Why?" " It's not ambiguous to use nail polish." " It strengthens the nails." "They're making US take the test, these two fa..." " What?" " Excuse me?" "Freudians, two Freudians." " From your method, you're obviously..." " Two die-hard Freudians." "Indeed." "Ah..." "You've noticed it." " Sure!" " Shall we go on?" "Let's go on." "Colleague, given their insistence, we must have them take the definitive test." " The Rorschach inkblots." " Yes..." "So, let's see..." "This is not it..." "Here..." "What do you see here?" "Well..." "Let's say that the picture is a bit..." " Cryptic." " Yes, it's cryptic." "At first glance, I see a di..." " No." " I really see a..." " You don't see it." " No." "You see a..." "A discus fish." "Oh, and you?" " Me?" " Yes." " Actually, I, too, see a di..." " No!" " But it really seems..." " I don't see it, you don't see it either." "I see a..." "lighthouse." "A lighthouse on two large rocks." "It's amazing, I've changed my mind;" "you're not gay." "Yes, you passed the test." "Very good answers." "Most people see a penis in it, you know?" " No way!" " No way!" " Here?" " But where?" " Oh well..." " People are crazy." "Yes, yes..." " Can we keep our nephew?" " No, of course not." " Didn't we pass the test?" " That was just for our curiosity." " The child must go to a child-care centre." " But why?" "What other choice do we have, huh?" "Let him sleep in the car with you?" "Or let him live with a thug like you?" "Don't tell me that..." "Your criminal record says:" ""Indecent exposure," ""and in the presence of minors."" "But it was all a misunderstanding." " And it's your fault." " Why?" " Why?" "Don't you remember what happened?" " Yes." "There was a concert and the audience was listless, distracted." "All band members were saying:" ""You're the front-man, amaze them, do something impressive."" "They were putting pressure on me and I got nervous, so what did you say?" ""Pull yourself out of this."" " What did you say?" " "Pull yourself out of this."" " Was it "Pull yourself out of this."?" " What did you hear?" ""Take it out."" "We are not interested in the dynamics." "I don't think it's the most appropriate thing to do in a concert." "We'll have to hand over a negative report to the judge." "And the child will go to a child-care centre, until he finds a real, decent, healthy family, consisting of a man and a woman joined in holy matrimony." "I may be unfit, but he's regularly married." "But he's separated, so..." "No, they made peace yesterday and are going to get back together." "Tell him." "We made peace yesterday." "And we..." "we're getting back together." "If so, then you can file a regular petition for guardianship." "But we'll have to meet again, and with your wife." " And we'll always come without prior notice." " Always." " Who are these?" " This is me with Mom and Dad." "These are Uncle Remo and Aunt Marisa." "And these?" "This is Uncle Oscar." "And this is you." "If only your uncle weren't such a brat..." "Poor child, who's going to tell him now?" "You can't let that happen." "There must be a way." "Get back with your wife, so they'll give him to you." "I wish I could, but I don't know how." "Look how sweet Matteo is." " Let's use him to enter Marisa's place." " She won't let me in." " Besides, Giustino is there." " You're right." " Once we're inside, it's done." " What do you mean?" "You don't know what a woman can do." "I'll help you." "No, thank you, you already went through too much trouble." " I know you want to help me, but..." " It's not for you, but for Matteo." "I know." "So let me get this straight." "Remo and I should pretend to be together," " but only to get guardianship?" " Exactly." "But we can't pretend for long;" "we're separating." "They'll never give him to us." "It's obvious that it's only to gain some time, but..." "Just to let Matteo at least have a good Christmas." "Of course, I understand, but unfortunately this is happening... in a moment of dramatic changes for me." "You've changed everything in here since I left." " Is that a surfboard?" " Yes, but it's not mine." "Marisa, I don't know if that's the right way." "Pretending that you're still together..." "I feel a negative flux." "It's about my nephew." "I'm sorry to intrude," "I heard you talking about this thing." " Hi, Remo." " Hi." "How are you?" " Oscar." " Giustino." " Is he living here?" " Uh, yes." " He's wearing my bathrobe." " Ah, it's yours!" "That's why it's so short." "Well, if it's yours I'll give it back to you." " Do you need it right now?" " No, no..." "Okay..." "Why didn't you just tell me?" "Err..." "I don't know, I was afraid that you'd be upset." " Who?" "Remo, upset?" "Remo's happy." " I'm happy?" " You're happy." " I'm happy." "He keeps telling me:" ""I hope that Marisa rebuilds her life."" " Every day." " Yes?" "How long has he been saying that?" " Since he's been with Genny." " Genny." " Who?" " Genny, his girlfriend, fiancee." "She didn't come upstairs because we didn't want to speak in front of Matteo, but I'll ask her to come upstairs." "So you're dating someone." "Until the other day you were giving me a hard time!" " You know how scrupulous he is." " I'm scrupulous." "Remo has much respect for you, and wanted to be sure that... you weren't feeling anything for him anymore." "I have a lot of respect." "Where did you find her?" "Well, he found her..." "you tell them." "Actually, I found her..." "Let's not talk about this." "She's a simple and nice girl." "She's good company." " A sitter!" " Hello, Genny." "Is everything all right with Matteo?" "I told him I have a plan to get Uncle and Aunt back together." "Good morning." "I missed you, sweetie." "I missed you, too, cookie." "And you wanted a tattoo..." " Lucky bastard!" " Hey!" " Hello, Aunt!" " Sweetheart!" "I didn't know this side of you." "You're obviously used to ordinary women." "Well, in order not to compromise this chain of affection, and in view of the limited space here, I suggest we all move to the countryside, to Matteo's house, so as to spend a nice family Christmas." "That's fine with me." "What do you think?" "I think... it's a good idea." " Hey!" " An outing would be nice." "Uh..." " Ah!" " Doesn't it hurt?" " I like it." " Ah, you like it." "Good." "Now we just need to discredit Marisa in Giustino's eyes." "I'll take care of Giustino." "This woman is a genius." "Thanks, Genny." "Listen, Genny, I was..." "Hello, dear." "How are you?" "No, this Christmas I'm not going to the mountains." "I met someone so special." "Geez, he's so cute!" "No, he's not a man!" "He's eight years old." "I'm staying here because I have to help some friends." "No, I've had enough of men." "Unless a man is willing to commit to me, he's not worth the trouble." "But we'll talk later, I have to go now." "Kisses." "Bye." " Did you want to tell me something?" " Yes..." "Oh, excuse me, I have a call." "You can't hear it ringing because I've put it on vibrate." "Hello?" "Oh, my friend!" "It's a friend." "Excuse me." "No, this year I can't." "I know the models will be there, but I can't come." "You mean the models won't come if I don't come?" ""They're all in love with me"." "Come on!" "What did they say?" ""No Oscar, no party."" "Good one!" "No, I absolutely can't..." "Sorry, I made that call by mistake." "Get in the car, come on..." ""No Oscar, no party"..." "There they are." "Where did Remo find a girl like that?" "He says she's a sweet, simple, and cute girl." "She seems more like a pro to me." " You mean like a model." " No, more like a whore." "Maybe." "What do you mean, "maybe"?" "I mean, maybe it's just an impression." "Let's be careful:" "judging is bad for Karma." "You're right, Giustino:" "in fact, I feel bad." "Really?" "Let's do a Sun Salutation." "Look." "Who would get together with someone like her?" " Hey!" " Eh?" "I wouldn't." " Come on, guys, let's go." " United and firm." "Remo!" " Uncle, are you hurt?" " Leave me here." "Don't worry about me, the plan must go on." "We'd never leave one of us on the ground." "Who left a rake on the lawn?" "Ouch..." "Remo?" "Are you all right?" "Yes." "My teeth were just hit by a rake." "Okay, then..." "I'm going to fix things in the kitchen." "And we men will go get some wood for the fireplace." "Marisa, can I give you a hand?" " My little squirrel?" " Eh?" "Aren't you forgetting something?" "I have my mobile phone, and also my keys..." "Are you finished?" "Let's go." " The kissing scene came out well." " Indeed." " Very convincing." " Yes." " Was it a French kiss?" " I don't know." "I someone French kisses you, you should notice it." " Are you jealous?" " Me?" "Have I ever been jealous?" " I'm a free spirit." " She's hooked you." " You like her." " Don't be silly!" "So you don't care." "Of course not." "Was it a French kiss or not?" "I'm just curious." "How cool!" "Yes, it's nice here." "No, Remo!" "It was brave of you to leave him." "I'm afraid of him leaving me." "How hard it was for me to conquer him!" " Remo?" " Yes." "You know, one evening I went to his workshop, naked, in a fur coat." "He pulled the shutter down in my face." " Remo?" " Yes." "But he only did that out of respect for you, because he was no longer physically attracted to you." "However, as soon as you left him, we caught up." "And you know how hot Remo can be." "Remo?" "Come on, let's put the water on." "Hey..." "You won't reconsider and take him back, will you?" "I..." " No, I won't." " Thank you, thank you!" "You know, I'm glad you're with Marisa." "Oh yeah?" "Really?" "I'm pleased, I was afraid you were mad at me." "Let's face it: you're a man, I'm immature." " Have you seen who I'm with?" " Not a bad choice at all!" "But what did I trade my life for?" "For a pair of marble butt cheeks?" "For a silky skin?" "For a geisha who wants to make love six times a day?" " I envy you!" " Come on!" " Are you complaining?" " Yes." "Everything is nice, but then I see you and say:" ""Now that's a man who has courage."" " I have courage?" " Well, yes." "The courage to go with Marisa into the sunset." ""Sunset"." "I feel great." "And Marisa isn't in bad shape either." "What happens to all the women in her family, won't necessarily happen to her, too." "Exactly..." "What happens to them?" " Didn't she tell you?" " No." "What happens?" " Nothing." " No, tell me." " Tell me." " No." "If you tell her I told you, she'll get angry." "I won't." "I'm a man of my word." "Look:" " "I'm gonna beat you up"." "Who, me?" " No, sorry, this is another tattoo." "I've got one that reads:" ""Trust me."" "I just don't remember where it is." "It's not here." "Do you know where it is?" " Under "Lunch is served"." "Look." " No, I trust you!" "I trust you." "Okay, I'll tell you." "The women in her family at some point..." " they all go crazy." " What do you mean?" "They start by forgetting things." " Forgetting things?" " But it doesn't end there." "Then they become irascible, and eventually unmanageable." "But, should it happen to her, you're not one who gets discouraged." "Me?" "No, I'm not." "Let's change the subject;" "it won't happen to Marisa." "Exactly!" "Listen..." "Let's talk about nice things." "I'll tell you a secret." "You know how it all started with Genny?" "She was with another man." "And she's incredibly faithful." " But if she likes you..." " Yes, eh?" "Do you know how you can tell if she likes you?" "She stares at you, making little grunts." "Like a warthog." "No, something sweet, tender." " Like a sow." " That's it." "She did that to me, and she's been mine since then." "Nice." "Sweet." "Very." " What's that?" " The old, abandoned greenhouse." "Let's look at this old, abandoned greenhouse." " There were some tall trees." " And how do you know?" "I used to come here to retrieve the goats." "When they ran away, I'd always find them here." "Did Mom and Dad know?" "Did they use to come here, too?" "No, they didn't have time." "I miss them so much." "Why aren't they calling me?" "It's almost Christmas." "Don't worry, they'll call you soon." "Yes." " Show me." " It's easy." "Matteo is sad because they aren't calling him." "They can't call." "What do we do?" "Pull it hard." "I have to hold it tight and pull it hard." "Hey..." "I can do my brother's voice perfectly." " I'll call you and you'll put him on." " Genius." "Like this: take the teat with one hand, squeeze it and pull it." "I take the teat, I squeeze it, and I pull it." "It's easy." "I'm going to milk a big goat." " Hello, dear!" " Come on, put him on." "Matteo, look who this is." "Matteo!" "Uncle Remo, why the funny voice?" "I wanted to say hello." "Do you need to call me?" "You were just here." "I already missed you." "You sound crazy, Uncle." "Bye." "Squeeze and pull." "Squeeze and pull." "Squeeze and pull." "Matteo?" "I keep squeezing and pulling, but nothing is coming out." "Of course, that's the billy-goat." "49." "Bingo!" "Oh!" "Honey, four bingos in a row." "I've never seen that before!" "Marisa, do you remember the Christmas at Evangelisto's house?" "He hit six." " Evangelisto, who?" " Evangelisto Brandi Della Martira." "Ah, Evangelisto..." "Who is he?" "Evangelisto, who played with me and Remo." "Really?" "I don't remember him, I have a lapse of memory." "Come on Marisa, Evangelisto!" " He used to pick you up in his sidecar when we went to the sea." " Me?" "Really?" "Are you sure?" "Are you kidding, Marisa?" "You called him "Dead Sponge", because he always had sweaty and cold hands." " Don't you remember anything?" " No." " Hey..." " Don't worry." " Who is Evangelisto?" " Never mind." "Is he close?" "Well, he was our best man." "and her classmate in elementary school." "But it happens." "The man who had eyes like this and a pointed chin." " That big man, who had a limp." " Did he also have a limp?" "He wore dreads, and rode a chopper." "Remo, do you remember this Evangelisto Brandi Della Martira?" "Dead Sponge?" "The blond man who played the ukulele, wore dreads, and had an eye like this." " I remember him very vaguely." " Even he doesn't remember him well." "I'm not senile." "Jesus Christ..." " When is it my turn?" " Now." "I'm going to put the money I won into my piggy bank." " Good." " Way to go." "You're really a thrifty kid." " Go, boy, go." " Go." "(DIALOGUE IS NOT AUDIBLE)" "Who's going to help me tidy up so we can go to bed?" " Giustino, help him." " Don't bother, I'll do it." "Thanks." "Let's at least clear the table!" "What is it?" " Is everything all right?" " Yes, why?" " You look a bit blank." " The beans." " What?" " I was checking if they are all there." " All there." " Good, let's go." " So, good night everyone." " See you tomorrow." " Good night." " Bye." "Oh... we're going to bed." "Come, love." ""Come, love"..." "Shall we go to bed?" " Did you take my beauty case?" " What would I need it for?" "I must have have forgotten it." " Have you forgotten it?" " It's not in here." "Look again." " I also forgot my nightgown." " Also your nightgown?" "How can I possibly have forgotten it?" "I've forgotten everything!" "Indeed." "Oh well, I'll wear one of your shirts." "Right." " Am I getting senile?" " I don't know..." " Ready to play the part?" " Okay, but let's not get found out." "Earlier, at dinner, you were a little bit over the top." "What do you know?" "We have years of experience on stage." "Sure, we're show people, trust us." " Matteo, why are you crying?" " Do you hear that?" "Aunt!" "Don't cry so heart-brokenly or you'll wake..." "It's the child." "Tell us, Matteo, what's tormenting you?" ""Great performers"!" ""Show people"!" "What's going on?" "Nothing, Matteo had a bad nightmare," "But don't worry, go back to sleep." "Darling, what is it?" "I can't sleep, I had a bad dream." "What are you afraid of, sweetie?" "I'm afraid to sleep." " To sleep alone?" " To sleep alone." "Do you want me to sleep with you?" "No, I want Uncle Remo and Aunt Marisa." " Oh..." " Sweetheart..." "Matteo, you shouldn't throw a tantrum." "While we're here, let's please him." "Marisa, is it okay with you?" "Of course..." "if you don't mind." "Of course not." "We're doing it for the child." "So, what do we do?" "Shall we sleep together?" "Yes." " Good night." " Good night." "Sleep well with your aunt." "Good night." "Good night." " What a great actress!" " Look who's talking!" ""Oh, little Matteo!" Do you have some sleeping drops?" "Yes, "Meryl Streep", I have some." " Thank you, but I don't want it." " Why not?" "I don't drink tap water, I don't trust it." "But I've got it specially for you." "It tastes of chlorine." "It could contain toxins, germs, free radicals..." "No, it's very good." "They also bottle it in this area." " Taste it." " Me?" " Yes." " Do I have to taste it?" "Yes." "Mmm, delicious." "Yes, but drink it." "More than I already have?" " Come on!" " Oh God, I drank it!" " What happened?" "Is it bad?" " It's excellent." " What's got into you, then?" " Enthusiasm, it's very good." "Okay..." "It's good!" "You look crazy." "Are you looking for me?" "No, no, no." "Go away!" "Go away!" "Go!" "The sleeping drops should have kicked in by now." " Distract Giustino for 10 minutes while Remo and I take action." " I'm ready." "How could you distract him?" " Like this." " No, or he'll take his mind off one thing and focus on another." "The more focused he is, the better." " Too much concentration hurts." " Who said so?" "It's obvious!" "As the saying goes, "Too much of anything is bad"." " What are you saying?" " What if he gets handsy?" "You hadn't thought about that." "What if he gets handsy?" " If he gets handsy, he'll touch me." " And would you like that?" "Well, he's handsome." "Oh, he's handsome..." "Well, physically, he is." "Tall, full of muscles, full of tattoos." "Masculine..." " If Marisa left Remo for him, there must be a reason." " The reason is Remo." "I think he's one who knows how to entertain women." "I can imagine the big laughs." " But what do you care?" " I don't." "I thought you were a girl with better taste." "What am I doing wrong?" "I'm not with anyone." "Or is there someone who wants to be with me?" "I don't know, I don't frequent port areas, I'm sorry." "Great!" "I'm going." "Great!" "Have fun." "Who is it now?" "Come in." " Am I disturbing you?" " No, not at all." "Come in, come in..." "I'm so embarrassed." "I'm coming into your room all alone." " I wonder what you're thinking of me." " What should I think?" " I'm thinking well of you." " You must have noticed, at dinner, that I just couldn't resist you." " So you like me." " I like you." " So let's do it." " No." "Why not?" "You're with Marisa, I'm with Remo." " I'm not a loose woman." " Ah, you are not..." " If we do it, then we must get together." " And if we get together, we have to leave them." "So we're not going to do it now." "We'll think it over." "We'll think it over." "And maybe tomorrow we'll do it." "Tomorrow." "So what do we do now?" "What do we do..." "Let's look at your tattoos." "Should we get together tomorrow, you could give me a tattoo." "Who is this?" "He's a Cheyenne." " And this?" " He's another Cheyenne." "Keep watch, we'll start with the elephant." " Careful, it's heavy." " I know." "One, two, three." "Hey!" " What's that?" " Probably a mouse." " What kind of mouse?" " A field mouse." "Ah, a field mouse." " What do you have here?" " What do I have there?" "A rod." "Ah." "It's a rod." " And these are two wings." " Yes, it's a winged rod." "What happened to Remo?" "He drank the sleeping drops, too." "He's an idiot, I knew it." " You help me, Matteo." " Okay." "I like my body to communicate something, and contribute to the harmony of the universe." "What's that?" ""Carpe Diem."" ""Seize the day."" "Ah..." "Nice." "Indeed." "Here you go." "Well done, Matteo." "Good night." "What the hell is she doing?" " So we'll do it now." " No, not now." "You said you wanted to do it." "I want to do it, but I don't feel like it right now." "Why wait?" "I won't hurt you, don't be afraid, I'm good at it." " I trust you, but I don't feel like it right now." " I'm experienced." "Oh no, come on, no." " Let's do it." " No!" " Ah!" " What is it?" "What's he doing?" "Shh, he's sleepwalking, don't you see?" "Don't wake him up;" "it could be very dangerous." "No, no..." "Is he making eggs?" " Yes, sunny-side up." " Ah." " And is he making them here?" "No." "Now I'll take the sleepwalker away." "But..." "There he is." " Good morning." " Good morning." "Already having breakfast?" "Giustino, could you go and wake up Marisa?" "I tried to, but she's sleeping like a log." " Sure, I'll go." " Just like a log." " So it's best if you wake her up." " I'll go." "She wants us to have breakfast all together." " Sure, I'll go." " Why don't you go?" " I'm going." " Thank you." "Why did you insist?" "He was already going." " To make sure he'd go." " What!" " He was about to change his mind and sit here!" " No, he wasn't!" "Shh!" "Good morning." "Marisa?" "Marisa." "It's morning." "Wake up." " Shall we go and have breakfast?" " Yes." " Good morning." " Good morning." "I have such a headache..." " Ah!" " What is it?" "There's a bear." "So what?" "It's stuffed." "No, I mean..." "This is not my room." "Of course this isn't your room." "You came here to make Matteo happy." "Do you remember?" "Yes, I remember, but I didn't fall asleep here." "Everything was different." " What are you talking about?" " What am I talking about?" "There was an elephant there;" "now there's a bear." " Are you sure?" " I'm sure." " Look at the kitten!" " So?" "Is that a kitten?" " No, it's a tiger." " It was a kitten." "Maybe it was a cub." "The dead dolls." "I see..." "They were this small." "I remember, because they were ugly even when they were small." " Remo!" " I'm telling you..." " Remo." " Yes?" "Can you come?" "I swear, everything was different in here." "The sparrows, there were some sparrows." "They're still there." "They just look more like vultures." "The shell wasn't there, the bedside tables weren't there." "No, the bedside tables were there." "It's just that, at night, darkness often makes things look different." "Exactly." " Can a bear look like an elephant?" "!" " Well, they're both large mammals." "I have an idea." "I'll tell you what." "Let's have a nice breakfast so we'll recover." "I don't need to recover." "Everything was different." "Even the bedspread wasn't blood-red, it was checkered." "Checkered?" " Don't you believe me?" " I think you've got it pretty bad." "Fuck off!" "Fuck off!" "How's your headache?" "I'm fine, thank you... apart from the fact that you think I'm crazy." ""Crazy"!" "No, no..." "You had a dream, and this morning you were convinced it was true." " Do you think so?" " Yes!" "Ah..." "Could be." " So I'm not going crazy." " Of course not." "Listen: don't be angry with Giustino." "He doesn't know you well enough." "I know how you are." "Thanks, Remo." "I bought this." "Matteo really wanted it." " Do you mind if I say it's from you, too?" "He'd be glad to hear that." " Sure." "Now we'll hide it there." "Then, at midnight, we'll get it and put it under the tree." "Listen, Remo..." "I'm not exactly crazy about Genny, but..." "I have to admit that she's really changing you." "Here you are." "I have to tell you something." "I forgot the mozzarella." "Did you look in the fridge?" "I'll look." "Maybe... maybe it's here." "There's a Caciotta;" "will it do?" " I'll put it on, bring it here." " Here." "I was saying that I've been thinking about it." " Let's do it." " What about Marisa?" "She's lost her mind." "If I leave her now, in two days she won't even remember it." " So you'd be willing to leave her." " Without hesitation!" "Look what I did tonight." "What's that?" "Read." ""Gianny"... who is it?" "Who is it?" "It's you: "Gianny"." "Your English name, "Gianny"." "Is the "y" at the end wrong?" "No, no..." ""Gianny"..." "Maybe it should be spelled with a double "g"." "I did it." "Giustino is leaving Marisa and wants to get together with me." "Congratulations, it's a huge success." "Excuse me?" "Don't you remember this was our plan?" "Yes, but a plan is a plan only if you're pretending, while it seems you can't wait for that to happen." " I almost feel like leaving with him for real." " Great." " Have a nice trip." " You idiot!" "Uncle, we all know you like her." "Cut it out, what do you know about grown-up things?" "I may be only eight, but you really don't know shit about women." "What a nice house!" "They think they can impress us." "Poor fools." "Thanks, Randelli." "Who is it?" " Go and see." " Me?" "Who else?" "Hi." " Are we disturbing you?" " Not at all!" "It's a bit of a surprise visit;" "we certainly didn't expect you on Christmas Eve." "It wouldn't be a surprise visit otherwise." " Do you have any problem with it?" " Absolutely not." "Marisa, look who's come to see us." "Who's come..." " Good evening." " Hello." "Put me down." "This is my wife." "I'm Marisa." "I'm very pleased to meet you." " And who's this gentleman?" " He's... my brother." "Oh, her brother." "Now I understand." "And this beautiful girl?" "I'm Genny, Giustino's girlfriend." " Get this thing off me." " What a nice picture!" "So you're really a confirmed bachelor... just like me." "Yes, that's what he wants." "But I'm glad that I was wrong, and to see a real family, healthy and well-matched." "Let's make a tour of the house, and then let's interview them." "Yes." " Yes, please." "Come, little bro." " Yes, I'm coming." "Are they my uncles' friends?" " They're participating in the plan." "Act as if aunt and uncle were already back together." " Okay." "We're going to check the pizza." "No, honey." "Careful, it's hot." "Why don't you go play a bit in your room?" "I don't feel like it." " I need to talk with Genny." " Will you finally tell her?" "Yes, but please go now." "Don't stay in the living room with your uncles' friends, or you'll ruin the plan." "Ah, it's you." "Yes." " Matteo?" "Did he go..." " No, he's in his room." "He wanted to be alone." "I'm sorry about before, because..." "Maybe I was a bit..." "I want to tell you something." "Yes?" "Genny..." "I'm in lo..." "I'm irrigating..." "I'm irrigating the whole garden out there." "The hedges, the trees, the plants, everything, all by myself." "So you've come to tell me that, in December, you're irrigating the whole garden?" "!" "Too bad." "Err, no, Genny, no..." " Actually..." " Yes?" "I meant to tell you something else." "Do you want to be... to believe I'm irrigating it properly?" "I mean, I'm not a gardener." "Who knows if I'm irrigating it properly." "Obviously." "You're not a gardener at all." "Okay, I'll check if the pizza is ready." "Did you use this cheese?" "No, it's full of drug..." "Let me check the pizza." "No, no, it's full of drug." "Ah, Genny..." " What?" " Do you see that pizza?" "So?" " The pizza..." " And the napkins." "The napkins." "You'll tell me later." " The pizza!" " Here's the pizza, made with my own hands." "And here are some napkins." "Please, have a seat." "It's good!" "Congratulations, Genny!" "It's very good." "Excellent." "It looks delicious." "Maybe I'll have some later." "I'm on duty now." "Yet, I feel there's something wrong with it." "Well..." "We'd like to start the test to assess your suitability for guardianship." "Okay, we'll be quiet." "They are multiple-choice questions." "Randelli, let's start." "Yes." "The child is seeking attention." "A: you ignore him." "B: you listen to him." "C: you send him away." "D: you reproach him." "E: you beat him." "How could we ever reproach him and even beat him?" "No, they are two different answers, D and E." " Ah." " A: you ignore him." " No, "Ah", an interjection." " Sorry, I don't understand." " Can you repeat?" " See?" " C: you send him away." " No, I said "See", not "C"." " Let me answer." " Di'. (= Go ahead.)" "Are you sure?" "Di'. (= Go ahead)." "D: you reproach him." "That's bad!" "Okay, next question:" " Is your brother crazy?" " What are the possible answers?" " No, I mean, look at him!" " Here we go." "Giustino, what are you doing?" "I'm flying." "Do you want to fly with me, "Gianny"?" "Let's grunt in the air." "What do I do, fly?" " Giustino?" " Eh?" "What the fuck are you doing?" "Marisa, I'm glad you even remember my name." "Look at her, look at her:" "she's really... a piece of ass." "And she's grunting at me." "How can I go on sleeping with you?" "The horror!" "Your wife is sleeping with your brother, and you knew it?" "I think so." " Shall I go with him?" " No, Genny, please don't." "Did she grunt at you, too?" "First at Remo, then at me, and now at you?" "You have to get in line, you know?" "Cut it out." "Genny..." "I want to..." " I want to..." " Come on, tell her, tell her!" "What should he tell her?" "I want... to be with you." "Excuse me, but isn't she his girlfriend?" "Exactly." "What's going on?" "Oscar, Giustino..." "Genny is really a big slut!" "Good thing, so we can get back together." " You don't give a damn about her!" " Nor do you about Giustino!" "Randelli!" "What do you mean, you can get back together?" " That we..." " What do they mean?" "Don't you realize it's all an act?" "Did you really believe us?" "What fools you are!" "Are you crazy?" "I've never seen anything so indecent in my career!" "You are really disgusting!" "Incest, lies, partner swapping..." "You're perverts!" " This is Sodom and Gomorrah!" " Sodom and Gomorrah!" "Sodom and Gomorrah, Sodom and Gomorrah." " Sodom and Gomorrah..." " Enough!" "You're crossing the line." "Randelli!" "Let me be clear:" "Matteo's parents won't be back for another 10 years, and I won't let him grow up with you." "Tonight I'll be back with a court order and the child will come with us." "Let's go!" "Hey, he said "Let's go!"." "Randelli..." "Whoa!" "He ate it all!" "How about putting on some music?" "Yes." "Music, music..." "Shame on you, Randelli!" "Your behaviour is outrageous!" " Outrageous!" " Outrageous, yes." "After so many years of noble work together, it's really..." " Do you know what I'm going to do now?" " What?" "Get in the car!" "Get in the car!" "Come on, get in the car!" "In the car..." " Colleague?" " What?" "There's a party." "Is there a party?" "A party!" "Come on, let's go!" "What luck!" "Give me your hand." "Let's go." "A party!" "Colleague..." "If we go hand in hand..." "I mean, we are two men..." "What's wrong with that?" "Two friends holding hands are not necessarily gay, come on!" "But if someone saw us hugging each other, they could think that..." "The mistletoe..." "Kissing under the mistletoe is not gay, right?" "No, it's tradition." "What do we do, go in?" "Actually, I've never liked parties." "And what would you like to do?" "I don't know." "What about you?" "Shall we go look at the stars?" " Yes." " Yes?" "The stars..." "The stars..." "One, two, three..." "Statue!" "One, two, three..." "Statue!" "One, two, three..." "Statue!" "I've won." "You moved." "No, no." "You cheated!" "You cheated!" "What movie is that?" "I don't know, because it has already started." "Look what I've found." "I want to surprise Matteo by coming down the chimney." "Good idea!" "Since you're going up on the roof, move the antenna." "The TV has frozen." " As usual!" " Okay." " Remo." " What?" " I've missed you a lot, you know?" " I've missed you, too." " We sure played well together." " Yeah." " Why don't we get the band back together?" " I'd like to." "Why did we split up?" "What happened?" "You know, when you're young, you're confused." "We had commitments, women, but you sucked at singing, and we had little money." "I don't understand." "I mean, when you are young, you have little money." "We had commitments, women, but you sucked at singing." "We were confused." "I don't understand the part about my singing." "When one is young, one has women and commitments, but you sucked at singing." "Here I am!" "Santa is here!" "Matteo!" " Where's Matteo?" " Matteo..." "What happened?" "The pizza, the cheese, the drug..." "Now the social workers will take him away." "Let's go and find him." "We'll hide him at my place." "Anyway, Merry Christmas." "What?" "It's midnight." "I'll go." "Matteo, there is a small change in plans." "Matteo?" "Matteo?" ""Dear uncles, I went to Gallura to talk with Mom and Dad." ""I don't want your friends to take me away." ""I'll be back." "I love you." "Matteo."" "Oh my God..." "Oh my God." "Hey, guys!" " Matteo!" " Matteo!" "Matteo, come on, we'll take you to Gallura." "Get out now." "Where are you?" " Matteo, my love!" " Matteo!" "Matteo!" "The bicycle." "He took the bicycle." "Call the police, we'll go look for him." "It's always difficult to find someone... willing to follow you in your research." "Someone who totally accepts you, as you really are." "Don't you think?" "Sorry, I almost ate it all." "You're tickling me." "But I feel good with you, you know?" "Really good." "You were right." "Matteo." "Matteo." "Hey, kiddo, stop a moment." " What are you doing here?" " I'm going to Gallura." "Is this the right way?" "Your name is Matteo, right?" "Get in, we'll take you there." "There's a house." "Let's ask if they know anything about him." "Wait, wait." "Marisa." "Yes?" "Thank goodness..." "A patrol found Matteo." "They're bringing him back." " Thank goodness." " Okay, okay, bye." "Let's go." "Aren't those our goats?" " Since when do we have some goats?" " I mean Pietro and Katia's goats." " Let's go get them back." " You said "our"..." " I meant our farmhouse's goats." " Since when do we have a farmhouse?" "Where are they going?" "Stop!" "This is marijuana." "You're eating that?" "It's dope, it's illegal." "These are the people who framed Katia and Pietro." "Let's call the police." " Who knows who they are." "They may even be armed." " Let's keep calm." "What are you doing in here?" "He was retrieving his goats." " My goats?" " You said it earlier." "You can't stay here anyway." " We were taking them back." " We were about to leave." " That's no way to behave." " No?" "No, come inside." "Come on in." "Who are these two handsome young men?" "Two customers who came in through the wrong door." "Ah, go to Maria in the kitchen, we have other things to do." "My dear, I'll crush you." "You won't." "Let's resume the race." "You're unfair!" "Cry, my dear." "I'm leaving you in the dust." "Don't drift!" "Tomorrow there will be a Christmas lunch for the homeless." "Giving some comfort and happiness to those poor people is the least we can do." "How much grass did your goats eat?" "I don't know." "They ate some of it." "Okay, make a rough estimate, and make an open donation." "It's Christmas." "Do you realize that what you're doing is illegal?" ""Illegal"." "I'm supplementing my pension, and I use what is left of the grass to smoke a few joints with my friends." ""A few joints"?" "In the barn there's enough grass for a Colombian cartel." "It's you who planted it in our siblings' greenhouse." "I had no more room here, the greenhouse was abandoned, but if it bothers you, I'll remove it from there." ""I'll remove it"." "They confiscated everything and arrested two innocent people, yet you weren't aware of it?" "No." " Uncle Remo!" " We were worried to death." "I'm sorry, but I didn't want to go with your friends." "They were joking!" "Mom and Dad are coming back." "Tomorrow morning they'll come out of jai... from Gallura." "Really?" "Hooray!" "Marshal, we're good people." "What have we done wrong?" " We just had a smoke." " Ladies, a smoke... at your age!" "Are you sure we won't end up in prison?" "I already told you: given your age, and since you don't have a record, and you turned yourselves in, you'll be investigated without arrest." "But no more joints with your friends, okay?" "But we can still drink wine, right?" " Wine?" " Yes." "You're asking me about wine." "The last thing you need is wine." "Marshal, you talk to her." " You're my hero." " I only did my duty." "So the plan to get back together with aunt has worked." " What?" " He's joking!" "Ever seen the inside of an ambulance?" " Miss, show the kid the ambulance." " What's the plan Matteo mentioned?" "He actually meant a toy plane I gave him some time ago." "It doesn't work anymore, so..." "Now that Matteo is safe, you no longer have to pretend to be with me." "But I'm not pretending." "You aren't?" "How come?" " I don't know." " How can you not know?" "What a messed-up Christmas." "Next year we'll organize it better." "Are you saying next year you and I will organize it together?" "It's Remo who usually organizes..." "Christmas." "He organizes it." " So you don't want to spend it with me?" " I didn't say that." "If so, I don't want to spend it with you either." "Do you know how many men would spend it with..." "Watching the stars is not gay, right?" "Not at all." "And I just can't stand gay people." "Tell me about it!" "This whole thing has made me want a family." "We could adopt a child." "We need a woman to adopt one." "One of us could wear a wig." "Excuse me, officer, I just don't understand what the problem is." "You don't understand..." "Ah, you mean the helmet?" "It was too small for him." "Come on, officer, let us go." "Please." "Turn a blind eye." "It's Christmas for us, too." "A few months later" "Thanks." "And now the song you've been waiting for." " A song born from an idea I had..." " But the lyrics and music are mine." " The idea is mine." " Lyrics and music are fundamental." " The idea is important, too." " But..." "Let's drop it." ""We can't stand"" "One, two, three..." "♪ We can't stand those who are a pain in the ass ♪" "♪ Those who honk as soon as the light turns green ♪" "♪ We can't stand those who take selfies and make faces, ♪" "♪ who make squinty eyes and stick out their tongues ♪" "♪ We can't stand and deeply hate ♪" "♪ those who are always on a diet and yet stay overweight ♪" " But I'm always overweight." " Ah." "♪ Actually, we can put up with overweight people ♪" "♪ Overweight people, you know, aren't bad at all ♪" "♪ We can put up with them, ♪" "♪ to tell the truth ♪" "♪ I was distracted when I said that ♪" "♪ We can't stand and will shoot, with a gun, ♪" "♪ anyone sneakily jumping a queue ♪" "♪ We can't stand those who turn without using blinkers, ♪" "♪ and we believe they are scum ♪" "♪ We can't stand those who, stubbornly, ♪" "♪ are always late for appointments ♪" " But you're always late." " Ah." "♪ Actually, we can put up with latecomers ♪" "♪ Being late, you know, isn't bad at all ♪" "♪ We can put up with latecomers, after all ♪" "♪ I was distracted when I said that ♪" "♪ We can't stand those who behave like hicks in their car ♪" "♪ and listen to techno music with 10,000-MW power amps ♪" "♪ We can't stand those who go on television ♪" "♪ to express their opinions, even if they are as ignorant as a pig ♪" "♪ We can't stand those who are growing old and are still together ♪" "♪ on stage, and make people laugh with silly songs ♪" " We make people laugh with silly songs." " Ah." "♪ Actually, we can put up with them ♪" "♪ Silly songs are funny as hell ♪" "♪ We can put up with them ♪" "♪ We were distracted when we said that ♪" "♪ We can put up with them ♪" "♪ Silly songs are funny as hell ♪" "♪ We can put up with them ♪" "♪ We were distracted when we said that ♪" "Subtitles by Subransu Edited by YRR"