"THE AMBASSADOR Based on true events" "My freezer is leaky." "I said my freezer is leaky." " So buy a new one." " I'll call the Gimp." " Wow!" "Isn't that a beauty?" " Yes." " It would suit the girls." " They'd look fantastic." "Let's give them one and say sorry for all the crap we put them through." " Then we can go to a strip bar." " Maybe." "Come on." "I've gone all cold." "Let's just walk and buy an ice cream." "It's the classic rubber seal glitch." "Just fix it, will you?" " Has Mia got a lot of girlfriends?" " Yes, lots." " Maybe I could meet one of them." " Well, why not?" " It's just a thought." " I'll ask her." " Well, it's finished." " Super." "Finished as in useless." "It'll never work properly." "It's an old model that needs to be replaced." " So what do I do?" " Come and and buy a new one." " I know nothing about freezers." " Come on down, and I'll help you." " Want to go swimming?" " Today?" " Yes, or maybe tomorrow." " I'm really busy today and tomorrow." "Some other day then." "Thanks for helping with the freezer." " He's beaming with pride." " Lars!" "H.C. Andersen Ambassador." ""Lars Hjortshøj was chosen for his popularity, integrity and wit."" "Witty Lars." "It's the joke of the day." "For once Lars made me laugh." " We're the only ones not appointed." " We're related to an ambassador." ""Mr. Ambassador", I bet we have to address him." " And we have to bow and scrape." " What are you doing with my jacket?" " This is mine." " Come on." "I just bought it." " What?" " That's mine." "I just bought it." " Oh no." " You haven't!" "Jesus, Frank!" "You can't wear it, Frank." "You have to return it." " I really like it." " We can't both don it." " Why can't you return yours?" " Claire!" " Don't bring Claire into it." " Let's settle this." "Claire, there's been a minor mishap." " Who looks best in this jacket?" " That's an impossible question." " You look like Chip 'n Dale." " Thanks, but who looks best?" "I think Casper looks best." "He is the best-looking in general." "Great, that settles it." "You heard Claire." " She's English." " She's got cancer, Frank." " I'll risk it..." " A dying woman states her mind." "Don't link her cancer to my clothes." "Exactly, so return it." "Take the beige one without the stripes." "See you, Claire." " Is it the white one?" " No, the red one." " No, not that one." " Isn't it beautiful?" "It's a Ford Mustang." "An American classic." " Hi." " Hello." "Mia." " My girlfriend might want this." " You're welcome to get in." "The speedometer says 120." "Remember, it's miles, not kilometres." "Press here, and the top goes up." "If it's raining." "It used to belong to Tim Christensen, the rock star." "Word is he shagged Iben Hjejle in the backseat." " This backseat?" " At The Langeland Festival in 98." "It adds a twist, doesn't it?" "A historic twist." " We'll think it over." " Let me out of here." " What a strange thing to say." " What a jerk." " Are you going to tell Casper?" " No, he's so jealous." " What's that?" " I don't know." " What time is it?" " Three." " I hope nothing's happened." " Go and check, will you?" "No, you do it." " How odd." " Very strange." " Who is it?" " Casper." "Why don't you open?" "Lars and I have been outside for five minutes." " We're in a jam." "We need your help." " Hi." " Anything wrong?" " Yes." " I can't find my keys." " He's shut himself out." " You can sleep on the couch." " Super." "Thanks." "What are you doing here?" "Lars came to my place first." "Iben was all : "Who, what, why? "" "She needs eight hours of sleep." "Wake her, and she has to start over." "Lars, I'll find you a blanket." " She's a dear." " Not nearly as pissed off as Iben." " Okay, what's up?" " We need help." "Lars has..." "Can I say "raped"?" "His Thai au pair." "Remember Oy?" " I didn't rape her." " Tonight?" "Just now?" " Why are you telling me this?" " I can't stay at home." " Not here either." "Mia's here." " I'm not sleeping in your bed." " Why can't he stay at your place?" " Iben was pissed off." "She always is." " Why are you passing me the buck?" " I get you gigs all the time." " Help the man!" " It's an SOS?" "It's an SOS with a mayday on top." "If the girl goes public, he's through." "Lars needs to sleep now, so he can think straight tomorrow." "You too." "Don't tell the girls or anyone." "At nine sharp I'll knock three times and come in with 5,000 kroner." "We go and talk to her, we'll put the money on the table, if necessary,   and I'll say : "This is Denmark." "Don't mess with Lars Hjortshøj."" " Go to bed." " Casper, stay here." "No, I have to patch things up with Iben." "Look at me with this..." "I thought you were a trick thief." "What kind of trick would he play on you at night?" " I'm shocked." " It can't get out." "You're with Mr. Dead End himself." "Nothing gets out of this kitchen." "Remember that upstairs." "Mia just doesn't understand rape." "Did you hear I was made ambassador?" "Did they call you too?" " Did they ask you?" " No." "You've got bigger things to worry about." "Lars..." "You have a good relationship with Tina, don't you?" "Yes." "Having kids tightens the bonds." " Hi." "Did you get any sleep at all?" " Of course." " I'm off to work." " Super, honey." " Behave now." " You bet." "Thanks for having me." " Look, Lars..." " I'm willing to give her an apology." " I've got the money just in case." " Look, Frank." "Nothing happened." " Tell us the whole story, Lars." " I'm at home Friday night." "I just bought some Italian wines and wanted to try them." "Chianti Superiore 97." "Great year." "You should try it." "Oy was there, and I thought I'd read an H.C. Anderson fairy tale for her." "Why didn't she go home for the weekend?" " Think she commutes to Thailand?" " No, she lives with you." " Why did you read her a fairy tale?" " He's the ambassador." "Which one?" " "The Top and the Ball"." "Nice story." " The one with the ball, Frank." " And then what?" " I move closer, and suddenly..." "I come on too strong, but she doesn't say no." " Well, she doesn't speak Danish." " Suddenly she panics and screams." " Did you hit her?" " No." ""Go to your room," I tell her." ""Shut up." And then I run to you." " So you didn't rape her." " No, I told you so yesterday." "At one point I might have brushed her breast,   but I'm not fondling them." "You're allowed to fondle a Thai girl's breasts." "Give us a break." " She's up there now?" " Sure." " In the cellar." " Where?" " She's in the cellar." " Why?" " I locked her in." "I had to." " You didn't lock her in the cellar!" "If she tells a friend, Tina will get wind of it, and then the press." " He's dragging us down with him!" " Let's go." " She'll be fine in the cellar." " Aren't you going to get dressed?" " Not that one." "I'm wearing it." " So am I." " No, I'm wearing it." " I bought it too." "We can't both go there wearing it." "I can't change jackets." "Fine." "I won't go, then, if I can't wear the jacket." " Why don't you leave your jacket?" " Because I don't want to." " Let's find out who bought it first." " I've said I did, so that's that." " I don't agree." " I don't care." " Alrighty." " Well?" "I've apologized and she's agreed to put a lid on it." " Where is she?" " She just wants to settle down." " Let her out." " I've had it." " Let her out." " Get her out now." " Yes." "You're holding her hostage." " What about my ambassadorship?" "You can't keep her there for a year." " Let's keep a cool head." " He's dragging us down." "We don't want to go down." "There's only one way out:" "Back to Bangkok." "If I have to send her back, I want another au pair." "From Gambia." "Call the airport and get her on the next flight to Bangkok." "Ask for Jared from SAS." "Give him my best." "Get a ticket ASAP." "You set her straight." "I'm going to help Lars make the call." " What if she runs?" " Grab hold of her." "No way." "Pull yourself together, man." "You're pathetic." "Get a grip." "Jared, Casper here." "We're in a jam." "We need a ticket for Bangkok ASAP." "Jared is going to book her on a flight, cheap." "Only problem is, it leaves in 24 hours." "Oy is going to stay at your place." " No, the Asian can't stay with me." " Mia is ever so understanding." "Oy can sleep on the couch until tomorrow, and bang-kok!" "She's off." "Great plan, Frank." "Casper, she can stay at the Gimp's." "Super." "Then take her to the airport and put her on the plane to Bangkok." " Here's the ticket info." " I don't like this, Frank." "Jacob, it's an SOS." " My hands are all clammy now." " Super." "See you." "Haven't you got any luggage for..." "Oy?" "Yes, Oy." "As in: "Oy, what a nice car."" " Hasn't she got any more clothes?" " Do I have to do everything?" " It's both exciting and scary." " I think it's a drag." " Hi, Iben." " What are you up to?" " Buying lingerie with a Thai girl?" " It's not what you think." "Oh, give me a break!" "One thing's to shag a Thai girl, but to take her shopping for lingerie!" "I'm here to buy vegetables and I see you, you pig!" "I'm going straight to Mia's for a heart to heart." "Oh no, you don't, Iben!" "You bet he's got a problem." "Then I'll tell Casper about your fling with Tim Christensen." "Look, that was ages ago, way before I met Casper." "As if he cares." " You disgust me." " Likewise." " Bye-bye." " Bastard!" " It was nice to see Lars." " Sure." "We ought to see more of Lars and his kids." " I'm not so crazy about Lars." " Frank, what about the freezer?" " Hi, where's Mr. Freezer at?" " Hi, Frank." " Right here." " This is a proper maze." "Here." " Have you got a freezer for me?" " I've got the latest model here." "Big handle, trendy, state of the art." " How did it go at the airport?" " I didn't take Oy there." "We had such a nice time yesterday." "We played a game of pick-up sticks." "Have you gone mad?" "She was supposed to fly to Bangkok." "What's she doing at your house?" " Watching a musical." " Why isn't she gone?" " I said she could stay for..." " I told you it was an SOS situation." " She's got to go." " If it's that urgent, I'll take her." "Deal?" "Thanks." "Have some fruit." "These grapes look a bit off." " Wine." "Chardonnay or Chablis?" " Chablis." "Casper, a quick update on Oy." "Jesus." "She's out of our hair now." "I've been checking my watch..." "And she's off!" "Along with our cares." "We did it." "We were up the creek." "Lars stood to lose everything and drag us down along with him." "Still, we did it." "I'm delighted we haven't lost our touch." "Way to go, Frank." " What are you talking about?" " Nothing much." "What about you?" " We were discussing the grapes." " What's up?" " Nothing." " Okay, then." "Everything's fine." " I found a 2003." "Nice and chilled." " Mia and me first." " Ladies first." " Fill them up." "More!" "I'd like to say a few words." "I'm no rock star." " Oh, come on." " I'm no Tim Christensen." "But still I feel like singing a verse." "Lots of love summer heat the girl is mine her name is Iben she's a nice bit of crumpet she's my honeypie" "I love her, she's mine 'cause I'm the one who makes the whole world laugh" "I'm a comedian with a capital C" "I'm good at making funny jooookes and you, you're the rising star in the US of A and the continent that's you!" " You're sweet." " I'm no rock star." "Come along." "I can't sing, but I can give you a gift." "I've got a gift for you, baby." "Oh no, I don't believe it!" "I don't believe it." "This is for you, baby." " No, it can't be." " It's all yours." "Isn't it great?" "It's the one we looked at, Frank." " Great." " I love you." "It's our love car." "Get in." "Look, there's room enough to fool around in the back seat." " Get in the back." " No, honey." " Nice, eh?" " This is too much." " Cheers." "Great to see you again." " You too." " In spite of everything." " We stuck together." " We had an SOS, and we fixed it." " We put a lid on it." " Just don't ease off that lid again." " The Gimp." " He's not staying for lunch." " No." " You don't want him here?" " He's a nice guy, but not now." " Hello." " My saviour." " Well done, Gimp." " Oh, by the way..." "This is a small token of my gratitude." "The collected works of H.C. Andersen." " "The Top and the Ball" and all." " All his fairy tales!" " Preface by Princess Alexandra." " Lars has a thing for chinks." " I thought you'd never see her off." " But we had a deal." " But you fancied her." " No way." " So we heard." " And I don't blame you." "There's a specific reason why I don't fancy her." "We had some time to kill, so I asked if she wanted to go swimming." "You sure are romantic." "We paid to get in, and I pointed her to the women's changing rooms,   and she said : "Can I change in the men's? " That puzzled me." "So we go in and undress, and she takes off her panties  and she's got a willy." " What?" " She had a willy." "She's not a girl." " Little Oy?" " I asked if I could call her Oy Boy." "She's a ladyboy!" "Want the entire bottle, Lars?" " Which part of this is funny?" " Look between his legs!" "You'd better check the missus when you get home." "Let's go, Frank." " Hey, that's Frank's jacket." " No, I gave it to Jacob." "You told me to get rid of it." "Let's go get that beer."