"Hey, hey, Mikey, where's pip?" "Oh, he's getting a danish." "What do we got?" "Uh, a doorman comes up to smarty." "He's picking up trash on the sidewalk." "Yeah." "He finds this." "Oh, whoa, what the hell?" "Top of the morning to you." "What is it?" "Is it--it's a foot?" "Yeah." "What are you doing?" "You're not supposed to move this." "It's right here." "Don't touch the foot." "Come here." "This is Dr. Kline." "He's got an office here, street level." "The things people do." "This is sick." "It's very upsetting." "The foot was left outside his door, and we're thinking there's a connection." "Why's that?" "Uh, he's a foot doctor." "Excuse me, I'm a podiatrist." "I had an uncle who was a foot doctor, nice guy." "Then one day my aunt comes home and there he is in the bedroom being spanked by some big guy in leather." "There's a lot of people out there that, you know, nothing gets them going like a good crack in the ass." "Somebody else jump in here." "Dr. Kline, you wanna step over here?" "We have some questions we'd like to ask you." "Excuse me, are these--?" "No, no, it's all right." "Don't get nervous." "Nice story." "Thinks he's a big shot-- podiatrist... you don't even have to go to medical school for that." "You work in a shoe store long enough you're almost a podiatrist." "So what do we think?" "Oh, about this?" "Yeah." "I don't know, maybe a mob thing." "Really?" "Well, I'll ask Tino, but they usually don't leave a foot." "They, they dump a whole body, you know." "Well, maybe he's a new guy working his way up to a whole body, you know-- things go good with the foot." "Either that or we're looking for a guy with a really bad limp." "Hey, here comes pip." "Give me the bag." "What are you gonna do?" "Give me the bag." "Hold that." "Eight-forty in the morning out of danish." "This whole town's going to hell." "Unbelievable." "Hey, pip." "Hey, what you got?" "Popcorn, you want some?" "Yeah." "Dig in, brother." "Oh!" "You" "[ Music ]" "[ Laughter ]" "Come here!" "Come here!" "Are you sure those guys are cops?" "I'm kicking your ass." "Come on, man." "Kicking your ass." "Come on." "Awggh!" "No." "[ Music ]" "?" "This is modern day America ?" "I don't see what the problem is." "Man, you made me touch a dead foot." "I'm going in here and washing this hand for about two hours." "Yeah." "When I come back I'm kicking your ass." "Okay." "I'm gonna check the hospitals." "You gonna go and talk to Tino?" "Yeah, we'll find them, but we should also check the, uh, morgue, okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Hey, is the chief upstairs?" "Yeah." "Ah, I'm gonna grab a smoke." "Why'd you just move your desk outside?" "Hey, I'm sorry." "Uh, I must've left mine somewhere." "Do you mind if I-- sure." "Thanks." "I'm gonna need a light too." "You a cop?" "No, I'm just waiting for someone." "You, uh, you live in the city?" "I gotta place here and a place in jersey." "You?" "I'm out in the island." "Wouldn't mind having a place in the city though." "It'd be nice." "Yeah, it's good." "It's good, good for the ladies." "Yeah?" "Oh, yeah, a nice apartment in Manhattan with a view." "Chick magnet." "Yeah, I imagine it would be." "You a cop?" "Huh?" "You a cop?" "No, I'm a, uh, doctor." "What do you do?" "A little of this, a little of that." "[ Music ]" "Hey, anything?" "Nothing yet." "I called a couple hospitals." "Everybody's got two feet." "Where's pip?" "He's still washing his hand." "Hey, mike, that guy you were talking to." "What guy?" "You know, the guy outside, you know who that is, right?" "No." "That's the guy that Jan's been seeing." "How do you know?" "She told me." "She told you?" "Yeah, she didn't tell you?" "She might've mentioned it." "Al and I went out for drinks with her a couple nights ago." "She told us all about him." "She told Al?" "Yep." "I tell Al a lot of things." "He's a really good listener." "No kidding." "Why didn't you tell me about this guy?" "Uh, this is a private thing." "I don't go around blabbing about my personal life." "I thought we were friends." "His name is Jeff." "Jeff, good, good." "And, uh, what's his last name?" "Larson." "With an e or an o?" "All right." "Nice try." "What is wrong with you, Michael?" "Nothing." "Really?" "Yeah." "You sound like you're a little jealous or something." "Yeah, I'm jealous." "I'm jealous." "I'm jealous on the planet you wish." "Did you really just say that?" "[ Music ]" "Yeah, he's got an apartment in the city," ""for the ladies," he says." "You're jealous." "I am not jealous." "Hey, calm down, man." "What are you doing?" "I'm gonna nail this guy." "Harris?" "Trig, hey, how ya doing?" "Mike?" "Yeah, it's me." "What's up?" "Hey, do me a favor, will ya?" "Run a check on a Jeff Larson," "Larson with an e or an o?" "He's got a place here in the city and a place over in jersey" "Okay." "And put a rush on it." "Okay." "Thanks." "What?" "Being a concerned friend." "You?" "It's a new thing I'm trying." "If you guys are looking for information, I've got nothing." "About that thing in queens, I don't know nothing." "What thing in queens?" "I don't wanna say, might not have happened yet." "Look, Tino, we're not looking for information, okay." "We got a call this morning." "Somebody found a foot in a bag outside an apartment building, we want to know if it means anything." "Yeah, means you got a foot in a bag." "You don't know anybody who'd do something like that?" "Nah." "It's a Lotta work cutting off a foot, then you gotta find a bag." "Jimmie nipples, you know him?" "Jimmie nipples?" "Yeah, used to have five nipples right here-- bing, bing, bing, bing." "He used to cut guy's fingers off." "But that's a finger, small-- snip, snip, you're done." "I can't eat." "Every time I put my hand to my face I smell the foot." "I'm gonna starve to death here." "Jan's not stupid." "Man, if the guy was that bad she'd know." "Hey, I'm not saying she's stupid, okay?" "I'm just saying you're not your brightest when sex is involved, you know?" "Explains a lot about you but what about Jan?" "McNEIL?" "It's Trig." "Hey, trigger, what's up?" "What do you got?" "A couple things-- I bet." "Jeff Larson-- yeah, hang on a second, man, yeah, I got another call, hang on." "McNEIL?" "Hey, baby." "What's a matter?" "Who is it?" "I was on the subway platform and somebody grabbed me." "What do you mean?" "Grabbed your ass?" "No, I, I had a skirt on, and he, he sort of went under and up." "Under and up?" "Well, did you see the guy?" "No, by the time I turned around he was already up the stairs." "So you didn't make it to the dentist?" "No." "Look, I need you to come over right now." "Yeah, honey, I can't come over right now, okay, so just relax." "[ Heavy sigh ]" "Just relax, take it easy." "Okay." "Yeah, and I'll be over tonight, okay?" "Okay." "Okay." "I love you." "Yeah, yeah, see you tonight." "Somebody grabbed her." "Where?" "On the subway." "I mean, she didn't go to the dentist which means she didn't get me the good Tylenol with the codeine, damn." "Trig, sorry." "You ready?" "Yeah." "Jeff Larsen, Larsen with an e." "Uh-huh." "The guy works as a lawyer-- uh-huh." "spent some time in rehab." "Uh-huh." "And he's married." "He's got three kids." "That's pretty much what I expected to hear." "You all set?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Thanks, man, appreciate it." "What'd I tell you?" "Told you he was bad." "What?" "Okay." "Strike one, he's a lawyer, strike two, he spent time in rehab, and strike three, get this, he's married." "You believe this guy?" "Married." "Well, let's see." "My married partner just got off the phone with his girlfriend." "Now, he's upset because she couldn't score the Tylenol with the codeine." "No, I don't believe that guy." "Hey, totally different situation, man, totally different." "You weren't wearing any underwear?" "Nope." "Okay." "And, and the reason for that would be?" "Sometimes I just don't." "You just don't wear underwear?" "Nope." "Because?" "Because it makes me feel sexy, makes me feel like I have a dirty little secret." "Huh, not anymore you don't, honey." "I only do it every once in a while anyway." "Every once, what do you mean every once in a while?" "How often is that?" "I don't know, maybe twice a week." "Twice a week?" "Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute." "So you're telling me that twice a week, not once, but twice a week my girlfriend is, is prancing around Manhattan without" "I don't prance." "I walk around the same way I do when I have underwear on." "Honey, forget about how you walk." "I mean, have you heard about backlighting and silhouettes, static cling, I mean, no wonder the guy reached up and under." "You practically gave him an engraved invitation." "Oh, wait-- oh, my god." "So now it's my fault now?" "I brought it on myself because of what I was wearing?" "Well, actually I'd say it was because you weren't wearing." "Oh, mike, come on, there are plenty of attractive women in this city who walk around every day without underwear on." "Oh, really?" "Yes." "Is that right?" "I notice it all the time." "You, uh, you know what I notice?" "Okay." "I've been working with Jan for what, almost five years, and I, she's always wearing underwear, okay?" "What?" "Jan?" "Yeah, Jan, always has underwear on, okay, bras, panties, lots of underwear." "You find Jan attractive?" "That's not what I said." "I said attractive women." "You said Jan." "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "And you obviously spend a lot of time staring at her ass." "No, no, no, no, no, not-- I don't spend a lot of time looking, no, but it's like a normal amount of time-- not, not normal-- you know what I mean-- it's like the, like, you know," "the occasional glance." "Honey, wait, wait." "[ Door slamming ]" "Honey?" "You know, glimpse is a better word really." "You know what I mean?" "It's like she walks by the desk." "It's just a glimpse." "It happens." "It's glimpsing." "People do it all the time." "Honey?" "Hey, Al, let me ask you something." "You know this guy Jan's been seeing, you think she slept with him yet?" "She hasn't said anything, why?" "I was just wondering, you know, what do you think?" "I don't think so." "It's probably gonna happen tonight, right Al?" "Why do you say that?" "She's sending her son over to her mom's place for the night." "So she's clearing the runway?" "I think so." "So now we got two feet." "Two left feet." "So we know they're not from the same person." "What?" "Hey, this Kline guy is flipping out." "He says these feet are bad for his business." "He says this keeps up his practice is gonna go in the toilet." "Yeah, who's going to a foot doctor with a bunch of dead feet out front?" "Hey, at this point I'm just glad the guy's not a urologist, you know what I mean?" "So what, there's no enemies, nobody's mad at this guy, nothing?" "Nope, nothing." "Well, that means we gotta watch the place." "This guy's stupid enough to leave two feet, dollars to donuts says he's gonna go for the trifecta." "You guys stake the place out tonight." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, why us?" "Why can't you guys do it?" "Well, first of all it's your call." "Second of all, we got a thing." "[Manetti] What thing?" "A thing." "There's no thing." "Mike, this ain't right." "We shouldn't be doing this." "I should home with my wife, not sitting here helping you spy on Jan." "I'm not spying, okay, I'm taking an interest." "I'm worried about you, not the usual worried." "You got a wife, a girlfriend, now you're getting a thing for Jan?" "At this rate, next you'll be hitting on me." "Hey, look, if anybody's got a thing for anybody, it's Jan having a thing for me, okay?" "What?" "Yeah." "Oh yeah, right." "I'm serious, man." "Think about it." "This guy, what's his name, Jeff, okay, I mean, he's about my height." "He's about the same weight as me." "He's got my hair color." "He smokes." "Cheats on his wife, got a little drug thing happening." "Exactly, see what I'm saying?" "This guy's the closest thing to being me without being me that she could get, don't you think?" "Hey, there's no reason for both of us to be watching, that's all I'm saying." "You just wanna sleep." "I'm not gonna lie to you." "Come on, tommy." "You look for a little bit, I sleep, then you wake me up when it's my turn to look and you sleep." "Okay." "All right, I'll sleep first." "Okay, man, the lights just went out" "I'm going in." "Hey listen, man, don't do this." "You're making a big mistake." "You can't be getting involved in other people's personal business, man." "I'm talking sense here." "Yeah, maybe you're right." "I am?" "No." "Hey." "Michael, what are you doing here?" "Um, I, I was, uh, I just wanted to, to-- oh, what's the matter?" "No, nothing's the matter." "I, I, just came over, because I think there's something you need to know about this guy Jeff that you're seeing." "Oh, I don't believe you." "No, just a couple things." "Please leave." "One thing in particular that I really think" "Michael, you have to leave." "Hey, what's going on?" "Hey, I know you." "Yeah, not as well as I know you, pal." "Look-- well, he's a doctor, uh-- oh, a doctor." "You can't trust this guy." "Jeff he's not a doctor." "No, no, look there's one detail about himself this guy has failed to tell you-- oh, god, Michael." "That I think you need to know about." "No, seriously, okay?" "He's married." "I know." "You know?" "You know?" "Yes, I know." "But how do you know and why do you know and who the hell are you to bust into my life like this?" "I'm trying to do you a favor here, okay?" "I'm trying help you-- good night, Michael." "Let me just say one more thi-- good night." "Hang on, let me just say one more thing, okay?" "What's with all the sniffing all the time, hey pal?" "Oh, get out, get out!" "[ Music ]" "So-- it went well." "She's gonna kill you." "Just drive." "2:35, a guy comes walking down the sidewalk, older guy, nicely dressed, carrying a paper bag." "Stops in front of the building, knees down to tie his show-- stands up, keeps walking, but he leaves the bag." "We fly out of the car after him." "I wake him up, then we fly out of the car." "We nail the guy cold, open up the bag-- boom, another foot." "Turns out, get this, turns out the guy's a podiatrist too." "We call Kline down." "He knows the guy, says he's a nut job, says he almost lost his license a couple of times for doing all kinds of crazy stuff." "What, he's like a, like a rogue podiatrist?" "Exactly." "So him and this guy are going at it, they're yelling at each other." ""You call yourself a podiatrist?" ""You're no podiatrist." "You're not a healer."" "Crazy, turns out the guy's a lousy foot doctor and all his clients are going over to Kline." "So the guy figures he leaves the feet, it'll ruin Kline's business." "Where'd he get the feet?" "He's got a connection at a medical school." "Uh, cadavers." "[Frank] Bingo." "See, I never thought of that." "Yeah, so that was our day." "How'd you guys do?" "Uh, well, um, we did good." "We, we went and did the thing and, uh, and then, uh, we, um" "you, in here, now." "Right." "What the hell's that all about?" "We're working on an investigation together and, uh, she's probably just got some new information, you know." "Now!" "Coming." "Sit." "You ran a background check, Michael?" "That is twisted behavior." "You have a sickness, my friend." "No, that's exactly what I was doing." "I was being your friend." "I was trying to protect you." "You know, you deserve better than that guy." "So now you're the arbiter of what's good and bad for me, huh?" "If that's the case, I'm in real trouble here." "Wha--you were making a mistake." "That is not for you to say." "You don't know what I was doing." "I had a pretty good idea." "No, you don't, Michael." "Look at me." "Look at my life." "I wasn't thinking of marrying this guy." "I wasn't even thinking long term." "I just wanted a little romance." "That's all?" "Yeah, romance, sex, whatever, you know." "I just wanted my life to be different for a couple of hours." "Okay." "But, you know, the guy was married, and you're always on my ass about" "Michael, when I started this I didn't know he was married, and by the time I found out" "look, he liked me, okay?" "He liked me, and he wanted to touch me, and I need that, okay?" "I really do." "Even if it's not the right guy, I just need to know that there's a possibility I might have it again one day with the right guy." "Well, who's the right guy?" "None of your business." "Come on." "Oh, you really wanna know?" "Yeah." "Well, he's not a perfect guy." "You know, he has a lot of flaws, but he kinda knows that, and he's willing to work on it, and underneath all the noise and the drama and the confusion, he's a really good guy." "He just needs to take a little personal inventory." "Got any other questions?" "Nope." "I apologize for the, uh, for everything, but, you know," "I, I was just trying to keep you from going down the same idiotic path that I'm on." "You know, I think you, I think you're better than that." "I'm telling you something, Michael, you pull anything like this again, and they will find your balls in the river, okay?" "Okay." "[ Music ]" "[ Door slamming ]" "She digs me." "[ Phone ringing ]" "McNEIL?" "Mike, what's up?" "It's me." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Listen, today's Adina's birthday." "I got her a present, but I lost it." "Yeah." "Check my locker." "Okay." "Talk to Jan again?" "No, I'm gonna give her some breathing room, let her cool down, you know?" "I think she needs some time to kind of work through her stuff." "What stuff?" "Her feelings for me." "I guess, you know, I guess they're pretty intense." "Oh, yeah, I bet." "All right." "I'm at the locker and, uh, let me see," "I don't see anything, man." "It's a red package, book size." "Uh, no, not at the top, nothing down bottom." "My coat in there?" "Yeah." "Check the pocket." "All right." "So you don't think I should-- hang on a second-- something's in here." "Aw, man!" "You son of a bitch, agh, agh, man." "[ Music ]"