"I promised I'd avoid a gunfight, if possible, but it looks as though it isn't possible." "I have one bullet left, Mr. Breed." "You may draw when you're ready." "Whoa!" "Whoa." "Luggage is up on top- and the saddle." "Ha-ha!" "Look at that old boy run!" "Well, that'll learn him to jump when I yell frog!" "Ma'am, we don't allow no gunplay in..." "Shut up!" "You tend to your trade." "Eee-yow!" "Would you look at them fancy pants?" "That one don't need no room, he needs a cage!" "I bet that stinkin' ol' bartender's still a-runnin'." "There ain't no bartender nowhere gonna tell me that ladies ain't allowed." "Because I ain't no lady." "I can out-ride, out-shoot, and out-cuss anyone here!" "I can out-spit you, out-chew you and out-drink you!" "Morning, Ella." "How about it, Tracey?" "She gonna take your spot?" "For two cents, I'd run you out of town, Pony Boy." "Don't cut your price for me." "Just say the word." "All right, folks." "Come on, now." "Let's break it up." "Come on." "Let's everybody relax here." "Neighbors, the drinks are on me" "Tomahawk Carter- the man who offers travel, education, and top wages with the greatest and the biggest" "Wild West show in the whole world." "Yes, sir, we're traveling to points East, where society folks applaud with a shower of gold." "Here, Brave Knife, show them, will you?" "Look at that!" "If they'll throw $20 gold pieces to an Indian..." "Listen, I want to talk to you." "Well, Tracey, what was it this time?" "Well, rack me up in buffalo hide." "Paladin!" "Tomahawk, how are you?" "Fine, thanks." "Say, Tracey, come here a minute." "I want to introduce you to a fellow who knew me when I was making an honest living." "Uh, Tracey Calvert, Paladin." "Tracey Calvert" " I saw you ride in Laramie, Wyoming, in '71, when you won the grand prize." "Had a lucky day." "Oh, Fred, add the damages to my bill, and, uh, send some drinks over there, will you?" "We got powwow to make." "That's all, boys." "Oh, this is a real simple job." "All I got to do is to tame down a little gal of mine." "That one?" "Mm-hmm." "Tom, wait a minute- there's one wild thing that man will never civilize- woman." "Now, would you let me make smoke?" "That little gal over there just happens to be Ella West." "No, thanks." "Well, I've heard of her." "Well, who hasn't?" "Why, that little gal's only 24, and already she's got more of a reputation than Calamity Jane, Cimarron Rose, and Belle Starr, all lumped together." "I got her, and I got damage bills to prove it." "Ella West is an illusion." "She's a legend." "It's a romantic illusion." "People are going to expect you to bring that illusion to life, and instead, you're going to present reality." "A grimy-faced, repugnant, loudmouth little shrew." "Uh..." "I figure she ain't as bad as all that." "Oh?" "How long have you known her?" "She and I..." "She joined the show last month." "I know when she joined the show, Mr. Calvert." "I asked you how long you've known her." "If you don't mind, I'll look in on the stock." "Well, I thought that if you could tame a horse, you could tame that woman." "Both just about as stubborn, one as the other." "With a horse, the odds are 12-to-1 against." "With a woman...?" "Mm." "I guess I knew it wouldn't work all the time." "Oh, I could've made an awful lot of money." "Yeah, I know." "I know, Tom, and that's why I want ten percent of the entire proceeds for the season, if I succeed- ah." "Well, you haven't changed much, have you?" "I hope that's a compliment." "You ain't gonna learn me nothing!" "That's correct." "I'm going to teach you." "You'll do the learning." "I quit." "Paladin..." "Pay her off, Tom." "She just resigned." "Now, wait just a blasted minute now." "If anybody gets runned off, it's gonna be him!" "Thank you, Tom." "Now, Miss West... wouldn't you like to sit down?" "That will be two deductions from your wages:" "one for the cost of the glass, and the other for the bullet damage." "You ain't gonna make no lady out of me!" "First, you wouldn't be worth two cents to the show as a lady, and second, it would be impossible in the first place." "Now, Miss West, wouldn't you like to sit down on the sofa?" "Hmm?" "Now, Miss West..." "All right, we'll discuss speaking in the Western manner without actually cursing." "Now, if a reporter were to ask you how you preserved your femininity in all these years of traveling in the company of men, exclusively, what would you say to him?" "Tell us about your parents, Miss West." "My old man was a stinkin' drunk and my old lady was worse." "You're talking to reporters." "Well, then let them make it up, like they been doin' all along." "Homestead- ha!" "It was a stinkin' sow pen!" "Ask Tracey." "It was so bad, you couldn't believe it." "I'm sorry." "And you wouldn't be so blasted uppity if you got brought up like that." "You knew Tracey Calvert then?" "Yeah..." "I knew him." "We was kids then." "He used to call me Buck." "I was sort of a tomboy." "Well, girls grow up." "I'm sorry." "I see." "Do you?" "You're sort of a strange one yourself." "Whopping me one minute, spouting' poetry to me the next." "What I mean is, we ain't doing so bad, are we?" "Ella, I don't know." "Well, I said we ain't, and don't you forget it." "I can walk off any time I want to." "I don't need your blasted learning'... 'cause I'm Ella West, twice any man and six times any woman." "I joined this outfit just for one reason:" "to show that Tracey coward a thing or two." "He thinks he's something." "Well, he ain't!" "And what do you think of that?" "I think it takes more than parlor tricks to tame a wild animal." "You mean... you think you can tame me?" "Ella, sit down, please." "We've got a long day ahead of us." "Ah...!" "Here's one, ma'am, that reminds me of you- all except the hair." "It's by a poet named Keats, and the poem is called "La Belle Dame Sans Merci."" ""I met a lady in the meads," ""Full beautiful- a faery's child," ""Her hair was long, her foot was light," "And her eyes were wild."" "Why... makes a person feel all tingly inside, don't it?" "I couldn't hit a barn door with a ten-gauge." "I'll send you some books from San Francisco." "Oh, that's... real nice of you." "I haven't felt like this since..." "Since Tracey." "It don't mean nothing now, of course." "Of course." "He was the whole world to me." "Everything I wasn't, he was." "Everything I didn't have, he did." "And then when... when I was 16, he was 18, and they were gonna move away." "Maybe he wasn't growed up, but I was." "The day before he left, I went to him." "I didn't ask him to marry me, just take me with him." "I'd do anything, if he would." "He could cut me up in little pieces, just take me with him!" "I ain't said the same thing since, Paladin... but I'm saying it to you." "I ain't what folks think." "Oh..." "I wouldn't be afraid of you." "And... and... and... and I wouldn't cause you no trouble." "I..." "I could be just like you, honest." "You see, I don't want to be printed in a paper." "I want..." "I want to be me." "I want somebody to know that I'm alive." "What's the matter?" "You're dirty." "Find some man that wants the smell of the stables." "Calvert, you better get in there in a hurry." "Tracey, get out of here." "Ella, you're carrying your playacting too far this time." "Playacting?" "!" "I've shot men for less than that." "That's kid's talk." "You ain't Buck anymore." "Shut up!" "Don't say that!" "You heard the lady, Calvert." "Get out." "I was kind of glad when you joined the show, Ella." "I thought we had something to talk over." "I thought there was still some woman left inside those man's britches, but there ain't." "Stop it!" "You ain't nothing." "That's got you all scared, ain't it?" "Give him your gun, Ella." "You're going to get two for the price of one." "Tracey, please." "Can't you leave me something?" "Give him your gun!" "That won't be necessary." "You looking for me, Mr. Breed?" "Well, now... the dude's got big boy's clothes on." "Breed, I changed my mind." "I don't want no killing." "Uh-uh, honey." "We made a bargain." "You're going to keep it all the way." "No!" "Paladin... maybe I ain't a real woman." "Tracey." "Bartender, pour five whiskeys." "I promised Tom Carter I'd avoid a gunfight, if I possibly could." "You ain't got no choice." "Pour!" "That's mighty sporting of you." "I could use a drink." "Now, Mr. Breed, I've got one shot left." "You draw whenever you're ready." "Paladin!" "Tom, Mr. Breed just resigned." "I suggest you give him one week's pay." "He wants to travel a long way." "Suits me fine." "Come on, you." "Paladin..." "Lessons continue at 7:00." "Please be on time." "Come in." "I bought myself some female clothes." "They cost more than genuine buckskin." "I took a bath, too." "Tracey was right, Paladin." "If I ain't a woman," "I ain't nothing." "I'll go if you want me to." "No." "You look very nice." "You don't have to say that." "I know it." "It happens to be the truth." "You are surprisingly womanly in a dress." "The store sold me a lot of cross ropes and lashings to go underneath." "Uh..." "I..." "They would've cinched me in like a saddle." "I figured I didn't need it." "Obviously, but it's not considered polite to discuss undergarments." "Wouldn't you like to sit down?" "Criminy." "A man don't know if he's getting fooled, does he?" "Oh..." "Only thing that threw me was my top notch." "Paladin, you wouldn't..." "wouldn't help me with my hair, would you?" "I figured you seen plenty put up." "And took down." ""Beware her hair," ""touch not her locks," ""For in its magic, she entwines it around her lover's neck, to never set him free."" "I..." "I used to read, now and then." "I guess it's about as much use as watering a mesquite bush." "Ella, I saw a mission garden in California once, where the padres had used only desert flowers... carefully tended." "The mesquite bush had white blossoms on it." "And it had a fragrance I'll never forget." "You're just like that silver thing on your holster." "It's a knight, ain't it?" "It's a chess knight." "Knights are real courteous fellows." "They're got up so pretty and they talk so fancy that a girl might think they really mean what they say." "I figure they're just being kindly." "You only need kindness if you have no virtues, and you have many." "You have courage." "A rare, honest kind of courage that lets you look in the mirror and change what you see there." "And you're a woman." "You're a very attractive woman." "Don't say anything out of pitiness." "Pity is not included in the course, Ella." "¶ Go tell Aunt Rhody, go tell Aunt Rhody... ¶" "Paladin." "Oh." "I thought you were Paladin." "Oh?" "Asked me to meet him here." "Have a seat." "You first." "No, no thank you." "That was nice of you to offer, though." "That's nothing." "A man's supposed to do that for a lady." "Do you think I'm a lady, Tracey?" "If you was to say so Ella, I'd never question your word." "Well, that's real nice of you, considering what happened between us." "Oh, that was my fault, Ella." "I wasn't grown up then." "You came at me so quick." "Crying, talking about things I never even thought of." "Guess I was scared." "I was scared, too." "Took me a long time to figure that out, Ella." "I'm sorry for what I said then." "I was wrong yesterday, too." "I wish we'd..." "I mean, too bad we didn't talk before." "Too late now, I reckon?" "I reckon." "Yeah, I reckon." "I'm real glad, though." "Not meant for it to be taken wrong, but Paladin kind of..." "I mean... man, you've changed." "Paladin!" "Luggage is to be forwarded." "Put the bedroll on my horse." "Ella, Tracey." "Tracey, that's a nice horse." "Paladin, I'm going with you." "Sorry, Ella." "You've graduated." "You've graduated, and I've earned my fee." "No gentleman treats a lady like that." "That so?" "What lady?" "Tracey!" "Tracey!" "You fought for me." "He made you fight for me." "I'm not sure I like the way this turned out, Paladin." "Well, Tom, I think you'll change your mind." "Hmm." "You must need money awful bad." "Not particularly." "I just like to do a job right." "He says here, he figures I had first claim on you." "He says I'm a pretty lucky guy." "I guess it's sort of a present." "I reckon that's the way I look at it, too." "I may never get her back into buckskin." "I think you will, with Tracey's help." "Tracey?" "!" "Sure- you're going to be billing a double attraction from now on." "And don't forget my share of the gate."