"Anton Saitz, Broker" "A beer and a shot of bitters." "You know I stand here every day?" "No." "How could you?" "But it's true." "Every day from ten in the morning to six at night for 17 months." "Isn't that remarkable?" "Believe me, it is remarkable." "I looked up at the 16th floor 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for a year and five months." "Does that surprise you?" "No." "I knew it would." "It surprises everyone." "The idea's compelling." "You must listen when I talk to you!" "But I..." "Nothing but excuses." "I know." "Did you know... the owner has his office on the 16th floor?" "No." "There you are." "Believe me, he does." "He owns the whole building." "Saitz is his name." "First name's Anton." "Saitz... with an "ai"." "He hates it when people spell his name wrong." "I know that... but you don't know how I know." "You don't know much at all." "But I'll tell you... although I don't know why I should tell you." "I used to work for this guy Saitz." "Until 17 months ago..." "I worked for him." "Till 17 months ago." "Then he threw me out." "Overnight." "Since then I've been standing here, looking up there... from 10 till 6." "Can you guess why he fired me?" "I don't think so." "I couldn't either." "It's so weird, nobody would ever guess." "I have cancer." "It's true, kidney cancer." "Believe me." "And Saitz can't stand having sick people around him." "He can afford to indulge his whims." "He can afford anything he wants." "Don't you believe what I'm saying?" "You can believe me." "There are plenty of tales about him:" "how he got the money to build blocks like that." "All the pieces of the puzzle fit together." "It all started when he was in a concentration camp." "He was just a kid then, but he survived the war with his head full of a dream called America." "His journey to the New World ended in the Frankfurt station area where he made his first pile with small-time racketeering in the "meat" trade, I'm told." "The details seem to have been forgotten." "Meat trading?" "That's right." "Forgotten?" "Because it's not important." "Some people look at it that way." "Others want nothing to do with it." "And suddenly you're interested in unimportant details." "But that's not uncommon." "In my story, this guy..." "Anton Saitz, with an "ai"" "invested his ill-gotten gains in a whorehouse which he soon takes over completely and runs with an iron hand in the way he'd learned in the concentration camp." "A brothel run on the lines of a concentration camp." "The whole set-up functions perfectly." "Saitz gets richer and richer, earns so much money... that he can buy his first building, an old place, which he tears down." "He builds a new one." "He's on his way up... to the 16th story of this building from where he rules many people and many things." "Thank you." "You have cut me to the quick." "Don't forget..." "Saitz with "ai"" "16th floor." "Everything okay?" "Sorry." "Could you give me a light, please?" "I'm sitting around here and don't know where to get a light." "Otherwise, just pretend I'm not here..." "Thanks." "Would you like one?" "No, thanks." "Are you going to hang yourself?" "Naturally." "Do you mind?" "Does this building belong to you?" "No, I just wanted to eat here." "Would you like something to eat?" "I have some bread and cheese and a bottle of red wine with me but no corkscrew." "Give me the bottle." "I'll open it." "Thanks." "It's an old story with the red wine and the French bread and cheese almost a bit sentimental when I think about it." "But what would life be without sentiment?" "Pretty sad, I'd say." "It all started with cheese." "Meat nauseated Anton." "We were in meat trading at the time." "Anton couldn't stand the smell of dead animals because of the blood in particular." "He stopped eating meat overnight." "That's how it all started." "It's as simple as that, you see?" "Is the wine good?" "Fine, thanks." "Why..." "I mean, why?" "Why I want to hang myself?" "Yes." "I don't want to let things go on being real because I perceive them." "What things?" "Feelings, for instance, or pictures, letters, memories rocks, laid and forgotten at the moment of death, in an awareness of pain the universe, Solaris..." "the world of viruses..." "Things in general, you understand?" "No..." "That's exactly what I mean:" "your negation as an example of the seemingly effective principle of the power to negate." "Maybe you're right." "But that doesn't change things for me." "I tried to put an end to my life once, too because it just caused me pain and revolted me" "made me feel deep down inside an incurable loathing of myself." "I'd just come back from Casablanca." "A certain person had forced me into oblivion someone who merely had to smile his smile once too often." "By pure chance, believe it or not however incredible it may sound my life was saved." "My ego was forced to learn to put up with me to bear the unbearable." "If you want to know the moral worth of people as a whole and in general just look at their fate as a whole and in general:" "nothing but shortcomings, misery, anguish, death." "There is an eternal justice and were they not so worthless, in general their fate would not, in general, be so sad." "We can, therefore, say: the world itself is the Day of Judgement." "But it would be a great misunderstanding to see that as a negation of the will to live to see suicide as an act of negation." "Far from it:" "the negation of the will to exist is a bold affirmation of the will since negation means renouncing not life's sufferings but its joys." "The suicide wants life and simply rejects the conditions under which he experiences it." "The suicide does not renounce the will to live; he renounces life by destroying the manifestation of his own life." "I think you'd better do it now." "I don't mind if you watch." "Excuse me, I..." "Can't you hear me?" "Hey, listen!" "You almost scared the life out of me." "Why didn't you say anything?" "The old trick, eh?" "Trying to make me think I'm hard of hearing." "Here!" "Did my husband send you?" "All he has in his head are my ears." "No." "I don't even know your husband." "It's just that... somebody's hanged himself down there." "What was that?" "A man just hanged himself!" "On the floor below!" "You don't have to shout." "It happens every few weeks with so many empty offices." "Oh, in that case..." "Precisely." "One other thing:" "I'm... looking for Mr. Saitz's office." "Last door at the end." "Thanks." "You knocked?" "Yes, I'd like to speak to Mr. Anton Saitz." "Sorry, ma'am, Mr. Saitz is in conference." "Mr. Saitz is usually in conference." "You understand?" "Yes, of course." "It's just that..." "It's as if I had sawdust between my ears." "You don't take me seriously, do you?" "I know I cut a ridiculous figure." "Of course I'm ridiculous." "It's just that..." "I was so wrapped up in myself." "In my mind, you know." "You talk and talk, and think your thoughts and in the end you forget to think." "That's why... for me, at least... it would be... fairly crucial for me to see him." "That's why..." "But you..." "Excuse me..." "You..." "Do you know him... personally?" "Anton?" "Why yes, of course." "I know Anton Saitz." "If you know him... then maybe you know one of the passwords." "Then I could take you to him." "But only if you know one of the passwords." "Passwords?" "I don't know any passwords." "We knew each other a long time ago." "An eternity." "In another life almost." "How funny that sounds:" ""In another life."" "Then I suppose I'd better be going." "I'm sorry, but..." "A password, you said?" "Yes, that's how he screened himself off in the past." "When he opened his whorehouse." "What?" "He opened a whorehouse?" "Of course." "And?" "Jeez!" "Without any "and"?" "My God." "Let me think." "Wait a minute..." "A thousand times..." "A thousand..." "No, that's not enough, it was..." ""Bergen-Belsen."" "That's it!" ""Bergen-Belsen."" "Why didn't you say that right away?" "Come in!" "That's code 1A." ""Bergen-Belsen" works in every situation." "It's the only password that's never changed." "With "Bergen-Belsen" you can even disturb him when he's screwing." "That's no joke." "That's usually the worst thing you can do to him." "He's peculiar in that respect." "Doesn't anyone work here anymore?" "No, not for ages now." "That's how it is." "It used to be a madhouse here." "Those were the days!" "We used to buy up old apartment blocks and evict the tenants." "It was damned tough sometimes... believe me... but we managed it." "My God!" "Then we demolished the old rat traps and built new ones" "high-rise mostly." "We sold them for a good profit." "Great, huh?" "Oh, we had our share of troubles, too." "People are envious but the city was on our side." "The police chief's a friend of his." "The mayor, too, in those days and some of the dudes on the city council." "The plan itself wasn't his." "That already existed." "Resolutions and decisions had already been made." "He just did the dirty work for those who made the decisions but who wanted to keep their hands clean and be re-elected." "Power's more important... to them than money, which they allowed others to pocket... like us, for example." "And now?" "I don't know enough about... economic trends, inflation and all that crap." "So I can't really explain what I'm telling you." "But right now, foreclosure seems to be... the business with a big future." "Sounds strange, but as you said the things are done by others and decisions are made at the top for those down below." "And we just execute things that others are interested in." "I certainly didn't say that." "But if you heard it that way." "How long have you known him?" "I told you." "An eternity." "Were you in the business?" "I mean, you mentioned a whorehouse." "No, no." "It wasn't business." "It was..." "I mean, I..." "I was in love with him." "In love?" "With Anton Saitz?" "Does that surprise you?" "Nobody loves Anton Saitz." "Nobody." "He doesn't want to be loved." "Disappointed?" "No." "Not at all." "On the contrary." "It's just that..." "Laugh at me if you like." "It's just that I..." "What?" "I..." "Tell me..." "Which one is it?" "Please." "Didn't you just say?" "I know." "It was true." "Go ahead and laugh." "It's funny, I know." "It's your business." "The skinny guy in the tennis outfit." "Anton Saitz." "S for salt, A for Auschwitz, I for I, T for time, Z for Zora." "Smolik!" "Here, sir!" "What's been keeping you?" "Sorry, sir." "There was a lady with code 1A." "Bergen-Belsen?" "That's right, sir." "Didn't you let her in?" "Sure I did." "Anyone who knows code 1A is in like Flynn." "Come in." "So you know code 1A?" "You... won't remember me anymore." "It's been a long time." "I'm Erwin." "Sorry..." "I have an old picture of me." "You really don't remember." "Yes, yes..." "Somehow... there was something with..." "Erwin?" "I'll think of it." "But let's do our dance first." "Turn it on." "Yes, sir!" "It'll come back to me." "Smolik!" "Yes, sir?" "What is this, anyway?" "A girls' boarding school, kid." "What do they all want of me?" "A party to celebrate your arrival." "I don't want a party." "I don't want a party!" "I don't want one." "We're not making any exceptions for you!" "No, no, no." "I want to march in the front now." "You can't march in front." "But I want to!" "Go ahead and march, then!" "Not bad for the beginning." "Erwin." "I'm sorry." "Let's do the finale!" "Quick!" "Elvira." "Now I've got it!" "I didn't have such a good memory." "Hey, you're really splitting your seams." "You're fat." "That comes from drinking." "That doesn't matter." "Most people have grown fat nowadays." "It's great, boys!" "It's mind blowing." "Real meschugge." "She used to be a boy by the name of Erwin." "Am I right?" "One fine day he boards a plane, flies to Casablanca... and has his dick cut off." "Just like that." "And because of me." "It's true, isn't it?" "What times they were." "And now you're back." "Just like that." "You haven't changed a bit." "Stubborn as a mule." "Cost what it may." "Maybe you're right." "But I came because" "I gave an interview." "I told them a lot of stories from the past about you." "I don't know why." "It just happened." "Anyway, I thought I had to apologize, and..." "Forget it." "People write so much crap about me." "If I were to get upset every time..." "My God." "The main thing is they get my name right." "Saitz with "ai"." "That's what's important, isn't it?" "Sure, boss." "That's right." "Shut your trap." "You were the one who made the good coffee like my grandma used to make." "That was you, wasn't it?" "Sure it was you." "Why don't we go to your place, and you can make some coffee?" "Is there no raid today?" "Not today, boss, tomorrow." "How come?" "Only Monday, Wednesday and Friday." "Today's Tuesday." "Those were your orders." "I'm sorry." "It's okay." "Get in the car." "You must excuse my place for being in such a mess..." "Oh Lord, it can't be true!" "What a laugh!" "What's so funny?" "He bet me you would say that." "About your place being in a mess." "They all do." "Come on, then." "Here, boss. 20 marks." "Braun and Kuhlmann can go." "You stay here." "Yes, sir!" "That takes the cake." "I'll go into the kitchen." "Make yourself comfortable." "Big tall stranger." "Hello... strange and beautiful woman." "I almost didn't see you." "Because I'm so small." "Besides, I haven't eaten anything for days and I've shrunk." "Elvira locked me in by mistake." "Glad to meet you." "I'm Red Zora." "Hello." "I'm Anton Saitz." "With an "ai"." "Really?" "Then it was because of you that Elvira...back then?" "No, it can't be." "Why not?" "Because of you she went to Casablanca?" "You wouldn't have thought it of me?" "Sure, but... are you really the guy?" "I reckon so." "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" "I've always wanted to meet you, so you could spit on me." "You want me to spit on you?" "Three times, please." "Over my left shoulder, please." "Three times over your?" "Over my left shoulder." "It brings luck." "When a guy like you spits, it brings a girl luck." "I always wanted to know how it was with Elvira back then." "We worked together, that's all." "Small-time things, like meat." "There were five of us, with Erwin and me." "He used to look at me so strangely, and one day I asked him why." "He said he loved me." "I laughed and said that would be fine... if only he were a girl." "And he laughed as well." "That's all there was." "And then it happened." "That was all." "Are you going out?" "No." "I'm reading Kafka's The Castle." "Do you like it?" "Of course." "But it's a bit scary." "Irene!" "Marie-Ann!" "Daddy!" "Elvira!" "What's up?" "Have you gone crazy?" "Sit down with us, Daddy." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh." "Would you like something to eat?" "No, thanks." "But a glass of red wine?" "Yes, please." "Are you all right?" "Why do you ask?" "I don't know." "I want you both to be happy." "I'm so fond of you, Daddy." "Really?" "Yes, really." "Did you go see that man?" "Naturally." "And what happened?" "I begged his pardon." "What did he say?" "He forgave me." "Eat your food, dear." "I don't want anymore, Mom." "Tell her to eat." "Children have to eat." "See." "Your father says so, too." "Very well, I'll become as fat as a barrel just to please you." "Nonsense." "It's okay, Daddy." "Daddy... what do you say?" "I want to stay here in Frankfurt... but Mom says I must stand on my own feet and study in Munich." "Your mother knows you better." "I..." "I've been wearing men's clothes quite a lot lately." "I tried to find work in my old trade... which I used to like." "I can't go on living like this." "I see no reason to go on living." "I would so much like to be with you two again... to be together as we never were properly before." "You know I've always liked you... and still do." "And I always will... be fond of you." "But..." "Don't go on, Irene." "I know you have to say it's too late." "And I..." "Yes, Elvira." "It is too late." "Daddy!" "Once upon a time, there was a very nice man who came from Swabia." "He looked like a benign old uncle." "Although he was thin-lipped, nobody seemed to notice." "His lips were pursed and looked like a cupid's bow." "Everyone would say about him:" ""Look what a noble man this is." ""How good he is." "What a benign person he is."" "And he was always around whenever there was some event, or a great celebration, or some terribly sad day." "Every year... in the sad month of November the Swabians gathered to commemorate a terrible war in their history." "The man appeared before them looked deep into their eyes" "and said:" ""You must be contrite" ""because your war was unjust." ""You were wicked." ""On the last day of the war you executed three men" ""who were against the war." "They were the good men." ""Now you must go in sackcloth and ashes." ""Let us bow our heads in honor of..." ""those three resistance fighters."" "Then a tiny, elderly man appeared and said:" ""You, sir, are a very nice person." "But tell me..." ""You were present yourself as a judge" ""and as a public prosecutor..." ""and helped condemn those men to death." "You are also guilty."" "And the nice man replied:" ""What's that?"" "And he considered and said:" ""I don't remember."" "There's a strange man in the house." "Nonsense." "Sorry... to disturb you." "I cut my hair off today and went out onto the street." "And my hair..." "And I put on these shoes." "But I didn't know where to go." "and I happened... to come by your place and I thought I'd just come up." "I wanted to talk to someone." "It's pretty late." "It's after eleven." "It's after eleven." "You have to get up early tomorrow and drive." "I have to get up early and drive." "Yes, I understand." "I have my life and other people have theirs." "It's my stupid head that makes me forget." "Nonsense, Elvira." "Your head's not stupid." "There's nothing stupid about your head." "I know I'm not basically stupid." "There's just something in my head that makes me feel... paralyzed sometimes." "We've discussed that already." "Is it no better?" "No, it's not better." "Just look at my hair." "I've cut my hair off." "I'm so sorry for you that you don't like me like this." "A few hairs don't make any difference." "Nobody will notice." "Oh yes they will." "I know that better than you do." "Everyone stares at my hair, but I can't bear the sight of it." "Well, if you will keep looking at it..." "I'd like so much to talk to you." "I felt so well when we did that interview." "My pains were better for weeks afterwards." "Well, I suppose I could come and drink a beer with you." "Oh, that would be nice." "You told me to remind you to get to bed earlier." "That's right." "If I go out now, I won't get home till late." "And I have to drive the car early tomorrow, you see?" "Yes..." "I see." "Goodnight, Elvira." "Maybe some other time." "Goodnight." "Happiness?" "What is happiness?" "Of course I'm not happy." "There's no such thing as happiness." "It is the quest... the process that's exciting... not the outcome...happiness." "That can't be exciting." "I invent the pains to find out what normal life's about." "I'm not sure... but maybe that's what people call masochism" "Although I don't believe it is." "I think it just helps to create a clearer picture of myself." "I like to reconstruct the conversations I used to have when I was 20 or so and talked to people, to customers." "And I thought... it must be possible to solve the problems." "If I were... say, Adenauer, I could go to Moscow and talk to them and then the prisoners would be released." "I have a quite different yearning now." "It was so hard to conform to situations I was forced into, or I forced myself into." "It makes no difference." "Maybe I'd like to..." "I don't know." "Maybe I'd like to go back to Anton or to Irene..." "Get dressed, Sybille." "We're going to Elvira's." "I have a nasty feeling." "Why?" "Just a feeling." "What can I say?" "The yearning for Anton is something you hide from or something I hide from." "With Christoph it was different." "I tried to give him what I didn't get from Anton." "And I thought, maybe..." "I could give it to Christoph." "But it didn't work out." "I have to search you for weapons first." "Giving him so much that he'd have some... to give back to me." "That may sound calculating, but it isn't." "Maybe it's..." "what one calls love." "I don't know." "Irene and I..." "Is she there?" "How do I know?" "A kind of escape." "Our relationship wasn't entirely clear." "It was an urge to get away from the situation we were in." "That was the main thing." "That's how we came together." "And the bonding agent..." "If you make soup too thin, you use some flour to thicken it." "Marie-Ann was a kind of a catalyst, too." "I don't really know what it is..." "love..." "From father?" "I always needed it, but I rejected the word." "Yes, I think I have the key." "I'll be right over." "Marie-Ann... plays a role, of course but maybe not so much for me as for Irene." "Anton had his meat business and all kinds of strange deals." "I don't want... to talk much about that." "Mom, I think something's happened to Daddy." "Someone phoned to say he doesn't open the door." "Shall I take the key and have a look?" "Everyone says Anton's a swine." "An idealistic swine." "I don't know what you say." "But it didn't affect me because I had to cope... with this feeling earlier." "Later, it didn't interest me anymore." "Earlier, I reacted differently, too." "I put up with a lot of things on account of Anton." "Where do you think you're going?" "What's going on here?" "It seemed natural to me that Anton... was the stronger one, I the weaker." "And he knew it." "Naturally..." "he should have taken my side." "Irene did." "So why couldn't he?" "I don't know why you're asking me these questions." "Daddy is dead." "He didn't write." "I waited and waited for him every day." "But he didn't come." "I'm sorry, ma'am." "The swine." "He could have written." "But no swine ever learned to write." "What could he have written?" "Mom, Daddy's dead." "He had to do his sums." "That caused me a lot of suffering." "Maybe it was right, what I did." "I don't know." "I can't say." "Sorry, I have to search you for weapons." "That's all right." "I'm not sure." "On the one hand, I was sure that... that it had to happen and that I wanted to die." "On the other hand..." "I didn't know what life held in store for me." "Life is... and held some kind of hope." "And then again, things like comfort or maybe yearning." "Maybe I was curious to experience... what those words really meant." "And if I had really wanted to die." "I don't know." "It probably came from the subconscious." "Would I have written down my correct address?" "I can't explain why I did it now." "If I had really wanted to die maybe I wouldn't have written it down." "After the event... it's so hard to talk about these things." "When I wrote down Irene's address..." "I wasn't thinking of anything at all." "I just felt I had to fill out that registration form..." "Handsome stranger, the time will come one day when all my dreams become reality..."