"Subtitles corrected by AsifAkheir" "In the Steven Spielberg movie "E.T.", why's the alien brown?" "No reason." "In "Love Story", why did the two characters fall madly in love with each other?" "No reason." "In Oliver Stone's "JFK"," "Why's the President suddenly assassinated by some stranger?" "No reason." "In the excellent "Chainsaw Massacre" by Tobe Hooper, why don't we ever see the characters go to the bathroom... or wash their hands, like people do in real life?" "Absolutely no reason." "Worse, in "The Pianist" by Polanski, how come this guy has to hide and live like a bum... when he plays the piano so well?" "Once again the answer is "no reason"." "I could go on for hours with more examples." "The list is endless." "You probably never gave it a thought." "But all great films, without exception, contain an important element of "no reason"." "And you know why?" "Because life itself... is filled with "no reason"." "Why can't we see the air all around us?" "No reason." "Why're we always thinking?" "No reason." "Why do some people love sausages and other people hate sausages?" "No fuckin' reason." "Come on, don't waste your time explaining that garbage." "Let's go!" "Just one minute." "Let me finish." "Ladies, gentlemen, the film you're about to see today is an homage to the "no reason"-- that most powerful element of style." "Why did they destroy all those chairs." " Could have sat on those." " Yeah, it's really a pity." "Quiet, please." "Everybody turn around." "Good." "Enjoy." "Excuse me, is it going to be in color or black and white?" "It's already boring." "Don't be so negative." "It's just the beginning." "It's going to pick up." "Just be patient." "Hope it's not some old silent film." "I can't hear a thing." "Yes, you can hear the wind a little." "If you listen." "Somebody see something?" "I see a dump, there, straight ahead." "RUBBER" "Amazing !" "He just blew up a bottle without even touching it." "Really?" "Let me see." "That's odd." "It looks like he has telepathic powers." "You mean Psychokinetic?" "I don't care about the right word." "I just think he blew up the bottle with his mind!" "Most likely." "Yes." "That's awesome!" "I'm starting to like it." "I think the kid is right." "Psychokinetic powers." "Excuse me, but do you have to comment everything aloud?" "We are not commenting, we are trying to understand." " What do you think of it?" " Nothing." "You know you're not allowed to film the film." "It's forbidden by law." "It is?" "Yeah, they'll put you in jail for that." "Jail?" "Heh, you kidding me?" "Yes, she's right, it is piracy." "I'd be careful if I were you." "My wife couldn't come." "And I just wanna show her." "Yeah, it's piracy anyway." "Thanks for that." "I won't in the future." "Come on!" "Starting again!" "Wake up!" "Let's go!" "Jesus, I hardly slept a wink." "Fuckin' insects!" "I was really cold myself." "Quiet!" "Wake up!" "Excuse me." "Would it be possible to have some coffee and some toast?" "Dad, I'm hungry." "Dad?" "Where is he?" "Straight ahead." "He just woke up." "Oh, thanks." "Anyone got any food?" "Oh my god!" "Not bad at all." "Whaa, let me see." "It's the first time in my life I identify with a tire." "Stop that." "Give me that!" "Her ass is not that great, but I understand." "You're hard to please." "It is fine with me." "Her ass isn't that great but she has quite a rack on her." "You think the tire is gonna get laid?" "I'd like to see that!" "What position do you think?" "I think she'll start with a good blowjob." "Oh yeah..." "Jees, you think you're gonna shut up some time and let us watch in peace?" "I can't stand it !" "Come on, can't you take a little joke?" "Yeah, there's plenty of space." "Go somewhere else if we're bothering you." "You should be the ones to move if you wanna laugh so loud, don't you think?" "Know what?" "Why don't you just do like that cripple, and put on your walkman and listen to music and then we won't bother you any more." "It's not a walkman It's a medical gizmo." "Come on, let's just forget it." "Brats." "Bye, brats." "Mom, it's me." "I'm gonna spend the night in a motel." "Don't wanna drive anymore." "See you tomorrow." "Love you." "Bye." "Anything interesting?" "He just switched the channel." "OK." "Well, wake us up if we miss anything major." "Good night, everybody." "How long before humans start eating each other out of hunger?" "Don't talk crap." "Just sleep." "Are you real slugs?" "You just gonna let us starve without doing a thing?" "I found the blown-up rabbit." "You're really so cruel!" " Rabbit's OK to eat, right?" " Idiot!" "Can't you see it's fake?" "Yes, master." "Very well, master." "Certainly." "I understand perfectly." "I" " I'm gonna do it tomorrow morning without fail." "First thing in the morning." "You can count on me." "Salutations, master." "Morning." " Can I clean your room?" " Yeah." "Why not?" "Food!" "Food!" "Animals." "Anybody there?" "Excuse me, you want me to come back later?" "Fucking weirdoes!" "I just saw a live tire." "You got nothing better to do than come here to start talking rubbish?" "I swear... it's true." "Look." "He locked himself in room 16." "Ain't you got homework to do or something?" "I'm on holidays." "And you don't know what to do with yourself." "Well you're bugging me." "You don't believe me." "Will you shut up!" "Look... here." "Get on your bike, and go get me a pizza, alright?" "I give you ten minutes to kill." "You go have a look in room 16 now." "Please!" "Would you get on your bike and get me a pizza?" "Cut this bullshit out?" "Do it!" "And don't forget the double toppings!" "Here's your double topping, dickhead." "Isn't a tire supposed to float?" "An inner tube, yes." "Not a tire." "Really?" "I would 'a bet just the opposite." "Feeling any better, son?" "No." "It's burning hot." "Daddy, I beg you call a doctor." "Come on." "Probably just ate too fast." "It's gonna be alright." "Don't worry." "We all ate too fast." "It's hurting bad, I told you!" "Does anybody know anything about medicine?" "No, sorry." "Would you happen to know anything about physics?" "Would a tire sink or float?" "It would sink." "We just saw it a minute ago." "What is going on?" "Oh, dammit to hell !" "Oh, help me!" "What's happening to us?" "We're poisoned." "The turkey was a trap." "A trap?" "Oh!" "That's some way to treat your audience !" "Don't worry ma'am." "They're not gonna get away with it." "I'm still here." "And I want my show." "Yessir, I want my show." "Anybody there?" "Tire?" "...the pool there." "He's right here." "This tire's alive." "The tire story again?" "Doesn't look very alive to me." "I saw this tire get into room 16." "He locked himself in." "You know what, I've heard enough rubbish for the day." "Now get the dirty tire out of the pool, or I'm gonna get really mad!" " Sorry, lieutenant." " Nothing." "But tell me..." "Don't you find it strange we can't see the air around us?" "Why do you say that?" "Just like that." "No reason." "Okay, kid, listen to me." "Nothing to worry about." "Just a perfectly ordinary tire." "Yeah, same here." "You see it's not moving." " Well, maybe it drowned." " Would you stop with this crap, okay?" "You're putting me to shame in front of" " a police officer." " Don't be rough." " There is no need to do that." " No, someone died here, OK?" "We don't joke about things like that." "Do you understand?" "Yeah, that is true." "I'm not joking." "I am sure that this tire killed Martina." "Oh, that is enough!" "Alright?" "I don't want to see you anymore." "Okay?" "We will settle this tonight." "Now scram!" "You are getting on my nerves, go!" "You're a little jumpy." "Not usually." "And take your fucking tire, would you?" "!" "Sorry." "Mr. Hughes, can I ask you some questions for the investigation?" "Sure, go ahead." "How was your relationship with Martina?" "We got along fine, you know, employer, employee." " You were satisfied with her work?" " Yeah." "Nothing in particular you'd mention about her behaviour?" "No." "Very good." "It's been 6 hours, the poison has had time to take effect." "We can stop." " The poison?" " Yes, we poisoned the spectators." "You can go home now, Mr. Hughes." "We don't need you anymore." " Thank you very much." " I don't understand." "It's been a pleasure working with you." "Everybody !" "Listen!" "I have something important to announce." "Pay attention, please." "You can all relax." "It's over." "We're stopping now." "Thanks, and... congratulations to all." "Great job !" "What did you mean, Chad?" "I mean exactly what I just said." "It's over." "You can all go home to your families now." "It's been a pleasure working with you." "You out of your mind?" "Why do you want us to go home?" "Come on." "Stop acting like this is real life." "I'm telling you we're done." "There's no one watching anymore, okay?" "No use going on." "Stop." "Finish." "We're packing in." "But... this is real life, Chad." "We have a dead body over here." "No." "Come on." "It's not real life." "Look at you, you have a stuffed toy alligator under your arm." "So?" "Okay." "I'm gonna show you something." "Denise, take your gun." " Why?" " Take it, I tell you!" "It's an order!" " Now point it at me and shoot." " No way!" "Doug, you do it." "Don't think." "Just shoot." "Oh God!" "You see?" "I don't feel a thing." "No pain whatsoever." "It's not real." "You understand?" "Everything is fake." "Shoot again." "Now you believe me?" "This situation is not real." "Go home." "It's all over." "Thanks." "What about the cleaning lady?" "She's really dead?" "Open the bag." "You might be surprised." "It is a regular corpse." "Give her a good slap, you'll see." "Stop your bullshit." "She's got no head." "It's not funny." "Shake her up." "So?" "Nothing happened." "She's dead." "The body's cold." "How cold?" "One of the spectators didn't eat the turkey." "He's alive and watching as we speak." "Damn!" "You sure this is true?" "Master." "You have to go on." "Okay." "Excuse me, please." "I made a little mistake." "Forget everything I just said." "I'm sorry." "I got a little ahead of myself." "We're not quite done." "How was your relationship with Martina?" " You're bleeding, lieutenant." " Don't mind that." "It is nothing." "Let's proceed." "Answer my question." "Ah, like I said," "We got along fine, you know, employee, employer." "You were happy with her work?" "Like I said before, yeah." "Nothing in particular you'd mention?" "No." "Were you in contact with her family?" "I met her brother once." "He was... ah... rather obese." "We really didn't talk." "Okay." "Do you know if Martina was... on good terms with her obese brother?" "Maybe." "Do you think the obese brother... could be directly or indirectly... involved with Martina's death?" "Mr. Hughes?" ""Oh God, the kid was right."" ""The killer is a tire."" "You killed Martina?" "You're gonna be in trouble with the police." "You know what the police are?" "Do you talk?" "I mean..." "Talk..." "Mm..." "Me." "Human." "Boy." "Hey!" "Answer me!" "This is what our killer looks like." "A tire?" "Exactly." "I give you an hour to find him." "It can't have gone far." "If you have any questions," "It is now or never." "What brand of tire?" "We don't know yet." "Probably brandless." " Is it worn?" " Yes." "Is it black?" "I just saw it!" "It escaped on the road." "That way." "So..." "What might you fancy?" "Farm chicken?" "Home made potato mashed with olive oil and mushroom fricassee." "That'll be fine, thank you." "Wait til you see the rest." "Tuna Tartare on a bed of artichoke with violet flavored white asparagus." "It's tempting, isn't it?" "Okay, you know, I'm not hungry." "So just forget it." "Dessert then, perhaps?" "Chocolate eclairs." "That's... whoo..." "lovely." "How could..." "Hey, hey, I'm telling you I'm not hungry, alright?" "And you're wasting my time." "Just go away." "Come on." "You gotta eat something." "It is unhealthy." "You can't go on like this." "You can't..." "You..." "Have a yoghurt, at least." "Just do that for me." "I just want to watch the end in peace." "Wait all you want, 'cause there's no end." "Fine, I'll watch it anyway, alright?" "I like it." "What's happening?" "What's happening?" "He's rolling." "The cops are chasing him." "It's a pretty exciting scene." "Is that so?" "Where?" "I can't see." "Right there." "Straight ahead." " Where?" " Here." "Go on." "Then, one day," "My father wanted to do something nice for us and took us on a vacation to the mountain." "But because we had no money, he couldn't take a skiing." "So along with my brother, we started going on these walks in the snow." "We didn't even have shoes." "It's funny..." "And then... my brother was climbing up a rock, and slips, falls into a crack." "Dumb accident." "You sure you don't wanna try an eclair?" "They're amazing." "I'm fine, thanks." "Where was I?" "Oh yeah..." "My brother falls into a crack." "and I don't know why, but instead of going for help," "I take this ,ahm, enormous rock and I smash him into the face with it." "And that's when he stopped screaming." "Damn." "Do you have something for stomache?" "I ate too fast." "Oh, shit!" "That stuff was supposed to be for you to eat!" "Oh God, it burns!" "I don't want to die!" "Help me!" "Help me." "Oh God, please!" "Oh, it burns!" "I'm going to die!" "I don't wanna die!" "Help me please." "Help me..." "You can't do that." "Really?" "Well, you can if you want, but it's against the rules." "So what... can I or can't I?" "Unit 4 central." "You receive?" "We located the tire." "You receive?" "I repeat." "We located the tire inside a house." "You're on." "We receive you, unit 4." "What did you mean by "located"?" "We just saw him." "He's in a house on Belly Ball Road, watching TV." "What should we do?" "Stay put." "We're on our way." "You alright?" "We're gonna neck him." "The door just opened." "He's coming." "Alright, go ahead, read." "Come." "Closer." "Come on." "Closer." "I was expecting you." "Come on." "Come here." "Articulate." "Come on." "Come here." ""Come here and kill me, you son of a bitch."" "Come closer and kill me, you little jerk." "Stick to the text." "Go on." "Son of a bitch." "Come on." "Closer." "That's good." "He's biting." "Go on." "Come on." "You know I've been very naughty." "You have to punish me." "Come." "Come punish me." "Who wrote this garbage?" "Don't worry about that." "Go on." "You like me?" "You think I'm sexy?" "Come on, be a good boy, blow my head off, you big sl..." "Sorry, I can't read that." "It is too awful." "Get out of the way." "You're gonna ruin everything." "Blow my head off, you big slut." "You hear me?" "I have a very..." "I have been a very naughtly girl." "I need a good thrashing." "Come on, now!" "Go ahead." "Kill me!" "Go on!" "I want to die." "Do it!" "I think he suspects something." "I think we should stay with the woman's voice." "Shit!" "Take back the mic." "Come on." "Go ahead!" "Go ahead!" "Come on!" "Where are we?" "I don't know." "It doesn't matter." "Improvise." "Quick!" "Hey, blow my head off." "What're you wait for?" "Very good." "Go on." "Come on, I'm ready!" "Now!" "Excuse me." "I hate to bother you, but..." "The way I look at it, this scene makes no sense at all." "Not that it was great to begin with, but at least I understood it." "Now, it's ah... it's totally confusing." "That's why I took the trouble to come all this way." "What do you mean?" "What don't you understand?" "What I don't understand is the bit with the dummy." "It doesn't make sense." "What's the point?" "What's the purpose?" "Can't you see, it's a lure." "There's nothing confusing." "Yeah, I get the lure, okay?" "I'm not stupid." "What I don't get is why it takes so many hours." "Why don't you just ice the bloody tire?" "Now that he's..." "He's standing in front of the, ah, dummy, you get a Bazooka- even better, no, no, listen, listen-- even better, you get one of your guys with a flamethrower." "Just whoomm!" "You gotta do something." "I mean, do something, anything." "No, no..." "The idea was for him to blow up the dummy himself and set off the dynamite." "That way, he'll pop himself off himself, so to speak." "That's brilliant." "That's actually brilliant." "What I'm asking... is speed up the action." "That's all." "You know?" "Boom, boom!" "Yeah." "But then we wouldn't be here if you've eaten the damn turkey." "That's true enough, but..." "Listen, I'm glad you told us." "We'll try to speed things up now." " You can go back to your place." " Thank you." "Asshole !" "Who's that guy?" "Come on, let's get on with it." "I'm exhausted." "Read the last sentence there." "You're nothing but a rubber shit." "Once again." "You're nothing but a rubber shit." "Again." "You're nothing but a rubber shit." "Damn, it didn't work !" "May I ask what you intend to do?" "I'm gonna blow up this rubber shit myself." "Be done with it." "No." "You can't do that." "What about the dummy blow-up?" "You promised man." ""The End"." "Bye." "That's it, ah?" "That's all you got?" "You can't stop here man." "Come on." "What kind of racket you runnin' ?" "Hey, wait!" "It is not the end." "He's been reincarnated into a tricycle." "Come on!" "Wait, wait, wait." "I'm not a character." "I'm just watching." "You just stay there." "Stay put." "No, stay put!" "Good." "Sync:" "SalaKrestu Corrections:" "AsifAkheir" "In the Steven Spielberg movie "E.T.", why's the alien brown?" "No reason." "In "Love Story", why did the two characters fall madly in love with each other?" "No reason." "In Oliver Stone's "JFK"," "Why's the President suddenly assassinated by some stranger?" "No reason." "In the excellent "Chainsaw Massacre" by Tobe Hooper, why don't we ever see the characters go to the bathroom... or wash their hands, like people doi in real life?" "Absolutely no reason." "Worse, in "The Pianist" by Polanski, how come this guy has to hide and live like a bum... when he plays the piano so well?" "Once again the answer is..." ""no reason"." "I could go on for hours with more examples." "The list is endless." "You probably never gave it a moment's thought." "But all great films, without exception, contain an important element-- of "no reason"." "And you know why?" "Because life itself is made up of tons... of "no reason"." "Why can't we see the air all around us?" "No reason." "Why are we always thinking?" "No reason." "Why do some people love sausages and other people hate sausages?" "No fuckin' reason." "Come on, don't waste your time explaining that garbage." "Let's go!" "Just a minute." "Let me finish."