"Once upon a time in a mythical place called Cape Kennedy an astronaut named Tony Nelson went up on a space mission." "The missile went up, but something went wrong and they had to bring it down." "Captain Nelson landed on an island in the South Pacific where he found a bottle." "At least, it looked like a bottle." "But it didn't act like a bottle because in it was a genie." "Oh, not your average everyday genie but a beautiful genie who could grant any wish." "Captain Nelson was so grateful, he set Jeannie free." "Only she didn't want to be free." "You know how it is when you've been cooped up in a bottle for 2000 years." "She wanted to have fun and she wanted to have it with Captain Nelson." "So she followed him back to Cocoa Beach a mythical town in a mythical state called Florida." "And there in this house, the girl in the bottle plays spin the astronaut." "Why must thou work on such a lovely day?" "Couldest thou not play hooky?" "We're testing some new oxygen equipment." "Somebody's gotta be there to breathe." "A pity." "The sky reminds me of a bright summer day in Baghdad." "Does it?" "Say, has the weather changed much in the last 2000 years?" "Oh, weather is weather." "In ancient Persia, we had an old saying:" "" Everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it. "" "You're kidding?" "I jest you not, master." "Well, Roger's gonna pick me up." "I better meet him at the door." "It wouldn't do to have him see you, would it?" "Stay and play." "Do not go breathe." "You know, what I'd really like to do on a day like this is go swimming." "I wish I had a swimming pool in my patio." "Jeannie." "Jeannie, what will the neighbours think?" "I can't afford a swimming pool." " You do not wish it?" " No, I do not wish it." "Now, come on, get rid of it." "Help!" "Tony?" "Where are you, Tony?" " Tony?" " Jeannie!" " Hi." " The name's Roger." "What are you doing down there, Tony?" "Get me out of here." "Thanks." "What am I gonna tell him?" "You will not have to tell him anything, master." "He will remember nothing of this." "Don't be ridiculous." "Of course he will." "What are you standing there for?" "We're gonna be late." "Yeah, yeah." "You're right." "Listen, I" "I've got a lot to do around here." "I'll meet you there, okay?" " If I'm late, you start without me." " Start without you?" "Yeah." "Boy, one of these days she's gonna..." "Jeannie." "Jeannie." "I'm sorry about that, master." "That's all right, Jeannie." "It could happen to anyone." "Well, almost anyone." "Say, where did we get the groceries?" "Oh, I went shopping early this morning." " You left the house?" " Yes." "I had to hurry down to my neighbourhood grocer to shop for your supper." "Well, now who told you to do that?" "A man on television." "Figures." "Master?" "Do you think it is proper for a man to strike a woman?" "No, of course not." "Why?" "Did somebody hit you?" "Yes, master." "Where?" "At the market?" "Yes, master." "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" "I shall never forget his face." " Come on, let's go." " Where?" "Down to the market." "Maybe we can still catch him." "Please, do not bother." "You have to go breathe." "I do not have to breathe." "It would be better if you did not get involved in this, master." "Involved?" "I'm already involved." "Nobody is gonna hit you or any other woman while I'm around." " You take me to him." " Now?" "Well, of course now." " Hey, where are we?" " We're at the marketplace, master." "And there's Ali, the man who hit me." "Wait a second." "Wait." "That was 2000 years ago." "Yes." "Why were you crying about it this morning?" " I just remembered it." " Come on, let's get out of here." "You were insincere when you said you wouldn't let a man strike me." "Well, I was sincere at the time, but that was 2000 years ago." "I mean, come on, let bygones be bygones." "I'd love to avenge the wrong done to you, Jeannie, but" "If I miss my test, I'll have to explain to Dr. Bellows." "And if I have to explain he'll have me thrown out of the space program" "Let's get out of here." "It is you." "So thou hast returned." "No, no." "Actually, we were just passing through." "We wanted to take a look at some of your carpets." "Come." "I have been waiting for thee." " You're hurting me!" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Let her alone... sir." "Introduce me to your ludicrously costumed friend." "This is Nelson, flier through the moons of space." "This is Ali, killer of many giant men." " Killer of many giant men, huh?" " Do not fear." "You are far too puny and small for Ali to bother with." "Come." "Hey, wait a minute, you." " I told you to put her down." " Let go of me." "Put me down." "Here, stand back." "Stand back." "All right, fella, I warned you." "Ali deals with giants but I'm gonna make an exception in thy case..." " ... and break thy neck." " Oh, I don't think so." "I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson, big fella." "All right, Jeannie, get him." "Jeannie." "Jeannie?" "Jeannie?" "Look out!" "Look, look." "Look at this fine specimen, a slave among slaves." "What am I offered?" " Five shekels." " Seven." "I have seven." "I have seven." " Who will give me eight?" " Eight." "Sold to Muphesta Kem for seven shekels." " Excuse me." " Wait, wait, wait." "One was omitted." "What is thy name?" "Nelson." "I'm a tourist." "I'm just travelling through." "A traveller." "A man of culture who can tutor thy children." "What am I bid for this fine specimen?" "You don't understand, sir." "I can't stay." "I'm on my way to a very important experiment." "Excuse me." "Mark that fighting spirit." "This one you can harness to the plough and spare the oxen." "He will work at home or toil on the fields." " How much do I hear?" " One shekel is all he is worth." "One shekel?" "I'm a college graduate." "I'm worth at least- Let me out of here." "Did I not tell thee he was high-spirited?" " Three shekels." " Three shekels?" "He is worth 20 times that many." "Look." "Look at these teeth." "I have a lot of cavities." "I use the wrong toothpaste." "I appreciate your interest in me, sir, but I am late for the office." "Excuse me." " Five shekels." " Do I hear six shekel?" "Does he have any special talents?" " Dost thou have any special talents?" " No, not really." "Well, I'm a jet pilot." "He is a jet" " What is a jet pilot?" " Forget it." "Do I hear six shekels?" "Yes, yes." "I'll bid six shekels." "You'll have my check in the morning." " When the banks open, you" " Silence." "Sold to Mr. Bey for five shekels." "Now, wait" " What- Come on, knock it off." "I happen to be Captain Anthony Nelson" "Stop!" "Now, come on, I mean it." "Captain Anthony Nelson of the United States Air Force on detached service to NASA." "Now, come on, I mean it." "Now, you and your friends are gonna get in a lot of trouble pushing around a United States citizen." "It could mean war." " War?" " Yeah, war." "With the United States of America." "What is this United States of America?" "What are you trying to do, starve us?" "Hey, this looks good." "Say, that is good." "What is it?" "Goats' eyes." "It's a special treat." "Today is my birthday." "Yeah?" "How old are you?" "Eighteen." "Well, how long have you been here?" "Eighteen years." " What's your name?" " Turhan." "Now, look, Turhan, is there any way out of this place?" "Oh, yes." "We all go out the same way." "Well, I'm not going out that way, I can assure you." "Do not do anything foolish, stranger." "They have an expert here whose only task is thinking of new ways to cause exquisite pain." "Well, don't worry about me." "I've studied commando tactics." "You." "Captain Anthony Nelson, United States Air Force serial number 36076A." "And that's all the information I'm required to give." " Is there a Red Cross here?" " Come." "Majestic One will see you." "It's about time I got to see somebody in authority." "I'll put in a good word for you too, Turhan." "Halt." "What's-?" "So thou art the new slave." "They told me you were not right in the head." " It be true." " It is not so." "I'm perfectly normal." "They tell me you come from a far-off country." "Yeah." "Only they don't know how far off." "And how did you get here?" " I can't tell you." " Why not?" "You'd think I wasn't right in the head." "Peel me a grape." "Don't be silly." "Hey, watch the shirt." "You really know how to hurt a fella." "I'm" " I'm sorry about all this." "I really don't even belong here." "I don't even have a visa." "You're looking for a crack in the mouth." "I do not stand for insolence in my slaves." "Now, wait a minute, lady." "Let's get something straight." "I am not your slave." "I happen to be an officer in my government's air force." " Air force?" " Look, let's not go into that right now." "Look, all I want to do is get out of here." "I lost a friend of mine." "I simply want to go and search for her." "Well, that's your trouble." "You're preoccupied with women." "Well, I have someone who can take care of that." "I have been searching everywhere for thee, son of a jackal." "He needs to be tamed." "See to it." "With great pleasure, Princess Fatima." "I wouldn't do anything I'm gonna be sorry for, pal." " On your feet." " Now" "Listen, if there's anything I can't stand it's a bully who hits women, son of a pig." "And there's more where that came from, chum." "I ask thy permission." "Let me break him in half with my bare hands." "You have my permission." "I don't think you're gonna break anybody in half with your bare hands." "Okay, Jeannie, get him." "Luncheon, Your Highness." "Now, come on, Jeannie!" "Stop fooling around." "I mean, this is you, isn't it?" "I came as quickly as I could to tell you the news." "Oh, Mama." "I can hardly wait for you to meet your new son-in-law." "Oh, my dear." "What does he do for a living, my daughter?" "He flies through space, Papa." " From this he makes a living?" " He is most clever." " When will the wedding take place?" " At once." "I wish you could have seen him attack Ali and risk his life for me." "Our ancient proposal custom." "You shall be married here in your house." "I'll make the wedding arrangements now." "I shall go and tell him, Papa." "He'll be so thrilled." "Think about it." "It's almost ready." "I'm sorry I was detained, master." " Jeannie, where have you been?" " I've been preparing for my wedding." "Your wedding?" "Oh, sure, you're back home now and you wanna settle down, get married." " Are you not pleased?" " Oh, sure." "It's the best news I've ever heard in my life." "And you'll make someone a wonderful wife." "I shall try very hard." " It's a big day for you, isn't it?" " For both of us." "Yeah, for both of you." "It will be a beautiful wedding." "Well, I wish I could see it." "Well..." " Say..." " Good." "Come." "This is Nelson, flier through the moons of space." "This is my mother." "Well, how do you do, ma'am?" "Pleasure." "And this is my father." "How do you do, sir?" "Will you excuse us?" "I think we should go attend to our other guests." "All right." "That's quite a wonderful girl you have there, sir." "It is sad." "We were such a happy family before the tragedy overtook us." "Tragedy?" "When our daughter refused to marry the wicked Jinn..." " ... and he turned her into a genie." " Yes, that." "Well, every family has its little problems." "Will the wedding be soon, sir?" "I'd like to see it, but I have to get back to Cocoa Beach." "What is this Cocoa Beach?" "It's a little town east of Baghdad." " I wish you will be very happy." " Thanks." " May Allah bless you." " Well, thank you very much, ma'am." "I must say, your guests are certainly friendly." "It is our custom to wish the groom good luck." "The groom, huh?" "The groom, huh?" "Jeannie." "Jeannie?" "Jeannie" " Pardon me." " Pardon me." " Excuse us." "I want to have a little word with you." "What has happened to upset thee, master?" "Well, there's been some kind of ridiculous mistake." "Everybody here seems to think I'm the groom." "What is the mistake?" "You don't think we're getting married, do you?" "Of course." "You proposed marriage to me." "I did no such thing." "Did you not attack Ali and risk your life to avenge me?" "Well, yes, but" "Well, in Baghdad, that is a proposal of marriage." "Now you tell me." "I'm afraid you'll have to call off the wedding or find yourself another groom, or" "Yeah, that's it." "You must have known some wonderful chaps in the old days." "I do not want another groom." "I want you." "Jeannie, I can't marry you." "You hate me." "You think I am ugly." "Of course I don't." " Then you will change your mind?" " No." "No, I won't, and that's final." "So be it." "Nothing personal, I think you're beautiful." "Oh, do you?" "That won't help you." "The iron is ready." "Let's start with your tongue." "For a man who's about to die, you speak with a loud mouth." "What are you talking about?" "Your hourglass is running out." "What do you think they'll do to you when they find that Turhan has escaped?" "Turhan's escaped?" "That's impossible." "Turhan is in his cell." "Well, I'm glad you think so." "I will find out." "And if this is a trick to gain time when I return to you, my pleasure will be doubled." "Jeannie." "Jeannie, now come on." "Get me out of here, please." " Do your arms trouble thee?" " No." "No, sir." "I was just" "I was just stretching." "I would have a word with thee, my son." "And I would have a word with thee, sir." "There's something we ought to get straight right now." "Yes, of course, the dowry." "The dowry?" "Well, that's it." "There's just not going to be" "Yesterday a man was beheaded because he failed to provide sufficient dowry." "May Allah have mercy on his miserable soul." " Beheaded?" " Tell me, my son how many camels dost thou have?" " Why" " Why, none." "I" " None?" "Well, I mean, I have none with me." "My daughter tells me that thou art a prince among princes." "Well, you know how Jeannie exaggerates." "I would wager that thou hast a king's ransom in goats and oxen." "Yeah, well, I can honestly say I have as many goats and oxen as anyone in Cocoa Beach." "I'm pleased to hear that." "Would you excuse me, sir?" "I want to go and see the bride." "Jeannie." "Excuse me." "May I have a word with you, please?" "Listen, when I get you home" "We are home, master, unless you would prefer a palace." "Do you know what you're doing to me?" "Ali is waiting for me with a hot iron your father is ready to have me beheaded and I'm about to miss an important conference in Cocoa Beach." "That is more important than our wedding?" "I told you, there isn't going to be any wedding." "So thou tried to trick me." "Turhan was in his cell." "Well, you can't win them all." "Before I make thee sorry thou wert born..." " ... tell me where the girl is." " What girl?" "The blond." "You were with her in the marketplace." "You'll never get your hands on her." "Then thou shalt die in agony." "Hey, come on, cut it out." "Jeannie." "What is happening?" "What art thou doing to me?" "Now you can go and pick on somebody your own size." "Thou were willing to die for me." "Thou art the bravest man I have ever known." "Can we go back to Cocoa Beach now?" "You may go back to Cocoa Beach." "I will never forget thee." "Jeannie, I wish I could explain how I feel about you." "I think you're a wonderful girl, but it just" "Well, it just wouldn't work out." "I'm home." "I'm home." "I'm home!" "Jeannie!" "Hey, Jeannie, thanks." "Jeannie?" "Jeannie, where are you?" "Jeannie, are you in here?" "Jeannie?" "This is goodbye, isn't it?" "Isn't it?" "Well, Jeannie, wherever you are, I want to thank you for everything." "You've been the greatest thing that ever happened to me." "And if it means anything to you, I'll never forget you." "That means a lot to me, Tony." "Who does your shirts?" "Roger, what are you doing here?" "What am I doing here?" "What are you doing here?" "You were to be at the lab two hours ago." " We tried to call you for the last hour." " I'm sorry." "Come on, let's go." "Where you going?" "The test is over." "I'd better phone the old man and apologize." " Tony, are you feeling okay?" " I'm fine." "I'm just fine, sure." "Know what's the matter with you?" "You're in a rut." "You need excitement in your life." "Listen, remember that Miss Universe that was here last year?" "Well, she's back, and she's got a friend." " How about that?" " No, no, no." "Count me out." "I won't take no for an answer." "This Miss Galaxy is a beauty." "How about 8:00 right here, huh?" " And do you have another shirt?" " Yeah." "Wear it, okay?" "Miss Galaxy is a fat show-off." " They should call her Miss Full Moon." " I thought you'd gone!" "I changed my mind." "I could never leave you." "Did you really mean it when you said I was the greatest thing that ever happened to you?" "I refuse to answer on the grounds I may incriminate myself." "I'm sorry I made you lose face at the wedding." "You should see Father, he's still looking for you." "I'll bet he is." "I tell you what, we'll send him a herd of camels." "Jeannie." "Now, come on, I'm leaving now." "Will you stop sulking?" "I'm just gonna go to dinner and then maybe take in a movie or something." "And besides, I'm doing this for Roger." "You don't think I'm interested in Miss Galaxy, do you?" "There they are." "Yeah, I'm gonna be home early." "All right?" " You'll like him." " Well, I'm ready." "Very funny." "Very"