"¶ One fine day with a woof and a purr ¶" "¶ a baby was born and it caused a little stir ¶" "¶ no blue bug and no three-eyed frog ¶" "¶ just a feline, canine, little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ out on the road or back in town ¶" "¶ all kind of critters putting catdog down ¶" "¶ got to rise above it, got to try to get along ¶" "¶ got to walk together, got to sing this song ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog. ¶ [captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education and nickelodeon]" "( Polite applause )" "Ah!" "( Laughing ) ( Applause building... ) ( Enthusiastic applause )" "( Applause stops )" "( Laughter and applause )" "Welcome back to the nearburg theater awards." "Our next award will be best actor in a musical." "Okay, dog, this is it." "When they announce my name, I'm going to act surprised." "Good luck, cat." "Well, thank you, dog but it wasn't luck that brought me here today it was my prodigious talent." "Why, don't you remember?" "Four score and seven years ago... ( Chewing ) Um..." "What you doing, cat?" "Oh, I'm going to be playing the lead role in the nearburg community players production of..." "Abe Lincoln, superstar!" "Oh. don't you have to try out first?" "Auditions." "A mere formality." "When they see me who else could they possibly give the part to?" "Maybe i could try out for a part." "Maybe you try... ( Laughs )" "Oh, that's cute." "You want to try... ( Both laughing )" "Oh, I'm sorry, but that's just... you try... ( Laughing hysterically... )" "No." "You can't." "Only a handful of great ones are born to strut upon the stage." "But you can tag along and watch the master in action." "( Droning ) Dedicated to the proposition..." "Rancid rabbit:" "Are you kidding?" "Get out of the business, kid." "Next." "Uh,... eh... uh, one..." "Two, threescore on, on the go." "Uh, duh, something happened..." "Next." "( Sobbing... )" "Look no further, my good man." "Your star has arrived." "Abraham Lincoln lives again!" "You may think I'm just a backwards buffoon but some day, I'm going to be president of these United States." "And when i..." "Thank you." "don't call us and we won't call you." "Next!" "But you didn't let me finish." "Oh, trust me, you're finished." "( Shouts ):" "Next!" "But i am Abraham Lincoln." "Not in this show, honey." "Next!" "( Choking )" "Stop!" "You." "The dog attached to the cat that wasn't good." "Read these lines." "( Gasps )" "Uh... uh..." "Mary toddy, uh i got me a hankering for you." "Will you marry me?" "( Gasps ) He's real." "He's raw." "He's an authentic, American primitive." "Can you sing, dear boy?" "Yeah." "( Howling... ) ( Glass shatters )" "How's that?" "Ladies and gentlemen we found our Abe." "( Slurps )" "( Chair creaking )" "( Slurps )" "So i hear dog's doing Lincoln." "Hey, way to go, fido." "Oh, thanks, winslow." "( Snarls ):" "Yes..." "It's wonderful, isn't it?" "We're all so happy for dog." "So, so, so very happy." "Fasten your seat belt, dog." "It's going to be a bumpy ride." "Time to make magic, people." "What is this cat doing on my stage?" "What, what, what." "He's with me." "Get rid of him." "We still need someone to play Hezekiah." "A part?" "I'll do it." "I was born to be Hezekiah." "Yes, I'm sure you were." "Congratulations." "You're Hezekiah, Abe's constant companion." "Great, cat!" "¶ Now we're both in the show. ¶ and look, you even have a line." "Hee... haw." "Let's do the big love scene." "Where's Abe's wife?" "Talluhla, we're ready for you, darling." "( Quivers..." "Cat:" "Oh, dog!" "Take me to Washington, D.C." "You old rail-splitter, you." "( Groaning )" "Giddy up, Hezekiah, yah." "Yah, yah..." "D.C. or bust!" "Hit it, sunshine." "( Playing lively tune... ) ¶ Ah, ah, ah-ah ¶ ¶ we're off to Washington D.C... ¶" "¶ hey, hey!" "Let's make some history... ¶ do you think it'd be weird if i grew a beard?" "No i do not, i think you'd look hot" "¶ in Washington, D.C.!" "¶" "excuse me, did someone forget their line?" "!" "( Sighs )" "Hee-haw." "( Switch clicks )" "( Creaks )" "( Sloshing )" "( Vocalizing )" "We open tomorrow night, thespians." "Astonish me." "( Piano playing... ) ( Curtain rods sliding )" "¶ Ever since i was a little lad ¶" "¶ i chopped a heap of wood. ¶" "¶ and now, by gosh i reckon ¶" "¶ I'm a-getting pretty good. ¶" "¶ sure chops a mean piece of wood. ¶" "( crashes )" "Honest." "Would i lie to you?" "Hee-haw." "Yay!" "All right!" "( Gasps )" "Perfection." "Abe himself couldn't have done it better." "I could have done it better." "Tomorrow night, the world will be at your paws." "Now go home and get a good night's sleep." "Wouldn't want you getting sick." "Oh!" "( Chortles... ) ( Crickets chirping )" "( Snoring... )" "( Wind blowing... )" "Wouldn't want you getting sick." "( Laughs meanly )" "( Teeth chattering... ) ( Sneeze )" "Rancid rabbit:" "He's as sick as a dog!" "He can't go onstage like this." "( Weakly ):" "Yes, i can." "What are we going to do?" "We're ruined!" "( Wailing )" "Wait!" "I can play that part." "You?" "Donkey-boy?" "That's the craziest thing I've ever heard." "No, no, no." "I know all the lines." "I know all the moves." "And dog can play the donkey." "( Sighs )" "I guess we have no choice." "Sorry, Abe." "( General conversation )" "Places." "Remember!" "There are 2,000 people out there watching every move you make." "don't blow it." "( People cheering, applauding )" "¶ It's a boy, Mrs. Lincoln ¶" "¶ it's a boy... ¶" "( audience murmuring... ) 2-2,000 people... ( People talking... )" "Dog, i can't do it." "Yes, you can." "I forgot the lines." "( Audience jeering... ) ( Booing continues... )" "That darn cat, he's got stage fright." "( People shouting )" "Man:" "Go home." "I'm just a baby." "Leaving town now." "( Audience hissing... )" "Cat:" "I'm just a baby..." "Named abey." "Named abey." "( Quieting... ) ( Music starts )" "¶ I'm just a baby named abey ¶" "¶ but someday maybe ¶" "¶ I'm going to hit the big time, baby ¶" "( audience cheering... )" "Now that boy's going somewhere." "( Applauding )" "¶ And that's how you do ¶" "¶ the gettysburg shuffle..." "Oh, yes!" "¶" "( cheering )" "( Drums playing )" "¶ Abraham ¶" "¶ the Lincoln man ¶" "¶ he can do what a president can ¶" "¶ and that's why we love Abe!" "¶" "( cheers and applause )" "( Enthusiastic applause )" "Man:" "Yay!" "( Cheers and applause )" "( Whistles )" "( Cheers and applause continue... )" "And now..." "My moment of glory." "And the winner of the best actor award goes to... ( Drum roll )" "Cat's... best friend, dog for his memorable portrayal of Hezekiah, the donkey." "Oh, thank you, thanks." "'Scuse me." "( Crashing )" "( Audience applauding )" "Thank you." "I don't know what to say." "I just want to thank someone who's always been right there behind me my close, personal friend, cat." "( Audience cheering )" "Hee... haw." "Okay, dog, now no dawdling." "We pick up the snackages and we head right home." "I paid good money for that battle of the opera stars TV special and i don't want to miss one second of it-- whoa!" "I'll be right back, cat." "( Cat yelping )" "( Screeches to halt )" "Got to sniff my hydrant." "( Sniffing... )" "Dog, dog, this is not your hydrant." "Yes, it is, cat." "Once a dog puts his special scent on a hydrant no other dog can use it." "That's the rule exactly." "( Rolling up parchment )" "( Sniffing )" "Ah, the pungent aroma..." "Of me." "Okay, well, you've had your noseful-- i know i have-- now, let's get a move on!" "Hey, cat." "When's the big TV extravaganza start?" "In an hour, but that needn't concern you-- as in, you're not invited." "Yeah?" "As in, how come?" "Because, a) I paid good money for it and you didn't;" "And, b)..." "I don't like you!" "However, if you'd like to chip in i might reconsider." "Pay money to watch a TV show?" "What are you, nuts?" "( Squealing )" "Just imagine, world-class opera stars in a no-holds-barred wrestling match!" "It's absolutely..." "Dog:" "Hydrant, hydrant, hydrant!" "( Cat yelping )" "What is it with you?" "You sniffed it five minutes ago." "How fragrant can it be?" "!" "( Sniffing )" "I want to make sure i don't, ah..." "Miss anything." "( Sighs ) All right, dog, enough." "The pre-show will be starting soon." "Somebody used my hydrant!" "( Growling )" "All right now, now, easy now, puppy." "Good boy." "No reason to get upset." "I mean, you know..." "You've never seen me upset!" "( Growls )" "There's been a crime committed here and that crime is called trespassing on my hydrant!" "Uh, well, I'm sure it was an honest mis... ( Cat yelping )" "I've got the scent!" "( Whooping )" "I've got the scent!" "Scent, scent!" "Slow down, dog!" "You're going too fast!" "Ow, ow!" "Will you please stop?" "Ooh, ooh, my body." "( Yelping ) ( Barking )" "( Cat yelling )" "Got the scent!" "Yow!" "( Screeching, clanking )" "( Clatter )" "( Dog panting )" "( Barking, crashing )" "Dog:" "Continuing to whiff... ( Jabbering )" "( Cat yelping )" "Brilliant work, Sherlock." "We're back where we started from!" "And here we shall remain!" "What?" "Whoa!" "The trespasser always returns to the scene of the stink." "Okay." "This has gone far enough." "I paid big bucks to watch four tenors rip each other apart, and there's no way I'm going to miss it!" "And there's no way I'm leaving until i sniff out the trespasser!" "Oh, come on." "You can't..." "Nope, not him." "You can't just..." "Dog." "Not him... not him." "People are staring." "( Clears throat )" "If you're in such a hurry you can help sniff." "I'm not go..." "( Growling )" "( Sighs )" "( Sniffing )" "I don't think that was him." "( Sniffs )" "No." "( Resumes sniffing )" "Hey, you sniffing me?" "What?" "Are you sniffing me?" "Oh... n-no." "( Stammering )" "I'm not sniffing you." "I'm a cat." "Cats do not sniff." "Oh, so now you think you're too good to sniff a dog, is that it?" "Well..." "Uh, why, we don't, uh stink enough for you?" "Oh, no, no, you're putrid." "Oh, uh... ( Laughs nervously ) don't take that the wrong way." "( Screeching, crashing, clang )" "( Groaning )" "( Moaning )" "( Growling )" "( Very low ):" "I know you're out there." "( Grunting )" "( Ringing )" "Yeah?" "( Talking angrily )" "Is that you, cat?" "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "And you see, he's totally lost his mind." "He says he won't move until he catches the "trespasser" in the act." "Yeah?" "No kidding." "So, uh, sounds like you're going to miss the big TV show you paid all that money for." "Well, thank you for pointing that out, yes." "That's why you have to talk to him, winslow." "He'll listen to you!" "Whoops." "Got disconnected." "( Laughs )" "( Dial tone ) Uh... ( Crowd talking excitedly )" "Yeah, step right in." "Five bucks a head." "The greatest wrestling opera singers in the world on pay TV!" "Announcer:" "And welcome to the battle" "¶ of the opera stars!" "¶ dog, that rat winslow's selling tickets to my wrestling match!" "We can't let him get away with that!" "( Growling )" "Must stay here." "Find the trespasser." "Okay, fine, you stay." "I'm leaving." "( Grunting, straining... ) ( Whimpering )" "As paparotti gets domingus in a crushing double reverse hold." "Man, oh, man, will domingus be hitting the high notes" "¶ tonight!" "¶" "( growling )" "( Dish breaking inside )" "Female:" "Sorry." "I'm such a klutz." "Winslow:" "Aah, forget about it." "It's just some antique crystal cat dish." "( Laughs )" "Winslow, when i get ahold of you you're going to be... ( Yelping )" "( Chattering )" "Hey, guys, stick around." "I just popped a fresh batch of cat's shrimp rolls in the oven." "Aah, bunch of party poopers." "( Yawns )" "( Sleepily ):" "Cash, money cash, money." "( Sniffing )" "Going to burn the house down." "( Gasps ):" "Dog..." "Dog:" "Find trespasser." "Our house, it's on fire!" "( Mumbling )" "We got to save it." "( Grunting )" "Fire department, fast!" "Whoa, [ !" "( Siren wailing, horn honking )" "( Screeches to halt )" "We need that fire hydrant, sir." "( Growling )" "( Snarls )" "( Both gasp )" "( Growling )" "Dog, please." "If you value our friendship whatsoever if you care about me let them use the hydrant." "Wait a minute." "( Sniffing )" "It's him." "Trespasser has returned to the scene of the stink." "Must be punished." "( Snarling growl )" "( Gasping )" "( Cat yelping... ) ( Dog yelling )" "Dog:" "It's a puppy." "A sweet little puppy." "And i almost attacked him." "I'm a bad, bad, dog." "You been messing with my hydrant." "( Growls )" "Your hydrant?" "!" "( Growls )" "( Both growling... )" "( Roars )" "( Echoing )" "( Chomp )" "( Yowls )" "Catch you on my hydrant again, you're dead meat." "Come on." "We're out of here." "Oh, but, but..." "What about my house?" "( Sobbing ):" "What about my hou...?" "( Humming )" "Hey, cat." "Isn't that our house that's burning down?" "Why, why, yes, dog..." "It is." "( Starts laughing... )" "Yeah, so..." "How come you're, you're laughing?" "Because... it's funny." "You see, i i never got to see my pay TV wrestling special." "And then..." "( Squeaking )" "I got attacked by greasers." "( Laughing )" "And i got hit by lightning!" "And then a puppy bit me!" "( Cackling )" "And now that" "I've lost everything i own in the world" "( cackling )" "I now know that things couldn't possibly get any worse!" "( Laughing )" "( Continues laughing wildly... )" "( Dog laughing also )" "What's so funny, cat?" "I hate water!" "I'm a cat!" "That makes it worse." "( Laughing )" "The joke's on me." "( Both howling hysterically )" "Dog:" "It's not that funny." "¶ One fine day with a woof and a purr ¶" "¶ a baby was born and it caused a little stir ¶" "¶ no blue bug and no three-eyed frog ¶" "¶ just a feline, canine ¶" "¶ little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ out on the road or back in town ¶" "¶ all kind of critters putting catdog down ¶" "¶ got to rise above it, got to try to get along ¶" "¶ got to walk together, got to sing this song ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog... ¶ [captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education and nickelodeon ]" "¶ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ¶ [captioned by the caption center wgbh educational foundation]"