"Good evening." "Spice 6" "I'm sorry, but we're completely booked this evening." "I'm not even expecting any cancellations this evening... to be honest." "You're welcome." "One Dal Tadka." " Bhendi Masala." "Not this spice, get that other one." "Hurry!" "Put less." " All right." "Zafarani Pulao." "Chicken Curry." "Chicken Prawn." "Veg Kolhapuri." " Paneer Kofta." "Dal Tadka." "Garam masala." "Hurry." "First oil." "Then asafoetida." "And then onion." "The asafoetida's job is to enhance the taste of oil." "The oil has to enhance he taste of onion." "The onion has to enhance the taste of food." "If you think onion can do the job of asafoetida... and asafoetida can do the job of onion... I think someone else can do yourjob from tomorrow." "You should be working somewhere else." "Any problem with your eye sight?" "It's still boiling and you are going to add lime?" "It's okay, sir." " Okay?" "This word 'okay' is the world's biggest problem." "Okay means, neither good, nor bad." "It is not an okay place." "Over here, the lime is added 30 seconds after it cools." "Okay?" " Okay..." "Sorry." "Yes, sir." "30 seconds are over." "Add now." " Right, sir." "And shut that bloody phone off!" " Right, sir." "What do you think?" "Cooking is a profession?" "Cooking is the world's finest art." "More than the paintings in this room." "Because that art only attracts the eye towards it." "Only the eyes." "But what we make here... attracts the eyes, the nose, the tongue towards it." "So we are the finest artists of the world." "What do you think?" "This became the finest Indian restaurant of London just like that?" "No!" "This has been, and always shall be..." "London's finest Indian restaurant." "If you are not proud about his fact... and you so like to compromise on your art... go and work somewhere else." "There are many fraud Indian restaurants in London... who fool the naive English who love Indian cuisine... by sticking posters of elephants and the Taj Mahal." "Go and work for them." "This is, and I repeat, at a risk of sounding vain..." "London's finest Indian restaurant." "Not some fraud shit." "Sir, this is Hyderabadi Zafarani Pulao." "Oh Jesus!" "Thank you for informing me." "But why is this Zafarani Pulao coming in, not going out?" "She sent it back." " Why?" "She says this Zafarani Pulao is sweet." "Sweet?" "She says the real Hyderabadi Zafarani Pulao is not sweet." "She says we are some fraud Indian restaurant." "Excuse me." "Did you order this thing?" "I did." " May I know what the problem is?" "First time in London?" "From India?" "Aren't you getting the flavor of our country in this?" "How is Zafarani Pulao made in your home in India?" "If you don't get the flavor of our country in this Pulao... tell us how we should make this Pulao." "In the history of this restaurant... this pulao has only come out of the kitchen." "Has never gone back inside." "So we think our Pulao is the best." "Maybe we are mistaken." "Or maybe you have only eaten blunders of the Zafarani Pulao." "Whatever it is, we would like to you... how this Pulao should be made according to you." "And if you have never stepped into the kitchen of your house... then go out, call up your mother in India... and ask her how the real Hyderabadi Zafarani Pulao is made." "What?" "!" "We are waiting... to learn." "Get up, let's go." "What does he think of himself?" "Air fares have reduced... so they just arrive in hordes." "Bloody tourists." "Any problem?" "No.. no, not at all." "Enjoy your meal." "Arthritis?" " No, aids." "If the prescription is of Arthritis, what else will it be?" "You have Arthritis?" "It doesn't seem so." "This is my mother's prescription, this is my prescription... for BP." "Seeing me, does it seem I have blood pressure?" "Come on, hurry up." "Did you go to the gym today?" "Gym.. gym!" "Don't listen." "When you turn 75, you won't even be able to breathe well." "You will walk two steps, and pant for four." "Have you eaten?" " You are fine by God's grace now." "Go to the gym, run." "Or tomorrow, if you carry even a kilo... people will carry you on a stretcher to the hospital." "Enough." "Your medicines." "Think about yourself." "What do I stay fit for?" "What do I remain healthy for?" " You have a lot to do yet." "You have to make me eat rubber like Rotis." "You have to serve me watery lentils like they do in Tiharjail." "And also serve me bitter gourd that even more bitter than your tongue." "You have a lot to do yet." "He won't eat in his restaurant." "He will eat at home." "Yet he will complain." " Take your medicines... so that your illness does not snatch your tasty food from me." "Dal Makhani." " Methi Mutter ready." "One Kheema Sale Murg Pila." "What is this?" " Kheema Sale Murg Pila." "And what is that?" "It's a stuffed chicken rice dish..." "You mean, Kheema Bare Salen Murg ka Pulao." "Sale Pulao." "Sale Pulao?" "What is this?" "What the hell is this?" "It's difficult for him." "He's an Englishman." "So what do I do?" "Worship him?" "Whether he is English, African, Chinese, whoever." "I don't care." "This is an Indian restaurant." "Whoever works here, the least he can do is... get the names of the dishes right." "Idiot!" "He calls our Pulao Sale." "Until he doesn't learn to say the names of the dishes correctly... he won't go out to take the order, get that?" "Hyderabadi Zafarani Pulao" "Dehradun's Basmati rice." "Mutton, cooked for 18 and one fourth minutes." "5/6 gms garlic, ginger." "Two spoons pure ghee." "A little sour curd." "Milk, 10 spoons." "Two spoons red chilly, masala, lots of saffron." "And, not a grain of sugar." "This is the finest Hyderabadi Zafarani Pulao... in the world." " Sir..." "Only a dead tongue can reject our Zafarani Pulao." "We have not made it." "It has been cooked and sent to us." "For you." "Less sugar..." "A little less... in you" "Slowly, we get distanced" "I am sure it will turn out well." "How did the Hyderabadi Zafarani Pulao turn sweet that day?" "Sweet..." "I don't how..." " Who made that pulao that day?" "I don't know, boss." "What is this?" " This is sugar, and this is salt." "How do you come to know which is sugar and which is salt?" "I come to know, sir." "It's my routine job." "Who is she?" " She's my wife." "She lives in India." "How many years since you met her?" " Two years." "You must be missing her a lot then." "What do you do when you miss her?" "Nothing..." "I see her photo." "Okay, do one thing." "Looking at her photo, put salt in the food." "What?" "Looking at her photo, put salt in the food." "Yes." "Over there..." "looking at the photo." "Nowadays, salt is turning sweet." "Sir, I know, this is not salt... sugar..." "When do you want to go back to India with your wife's photo?" "Sir... sir..." "Sir." "The flight to India is at 10am tomorrow." "Please sir..." " l'm sorry." "Sorry... how does one say sorry?" "I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry. I'm.. it happens." "It happened." "Sorry..." "I'm very sorry." "I'm sorry." "I made a mistake, I'm sorry." "I'm very very very sorry." "I'm sorry. I'm..." "We went to one more cancer specialist today." "What did he say?" " The same thing." "Continue with chemotherapy." "Hi Sexy." " Why the apology?" "I..." " Practicing to tell me?" "Why you?" " You don't meet me nowadays." "Why, lost interest?" " Rubbish!" "You go to bed at 7." "Come, let's have a drink." "You have ginger ale?" "So, tell me, how's life?" "I have tension." " Why?" "Papa doesn't let me watch adult films." "He says I can watch them when I grow up." "So what's the problem in that?" " You won't understand." "Before becoming an adult, I will..." "Then how will I watch adult films?" "That's all?" "I'll get you an adult film DVD." "We'll watch them here." " You watch them?" "All the adult films?" " He watches cartoons." "Hi!" " Hi!" "Did you go to the gym today?" " She's the biggest cartoon." "I watch it every day." "Live." "I'm sure she's having an affair with the gym owner." "She's making his business flourish." "She keeps pestering me to go to the gym." "What a mother!" "To see her son sweat, she's ready to pay money." "You go to the gym." "I'm sexy." "What do you think?" " Okay... okay." "But, what is that 'sorry' story?" "Sorry, no story." "Kheema bare sale... sale..." "Sammy, boss is out." "The boss is out." "I'll meet Maya and come." "Colgate." " Don't call me Colgate." "There's someone between you and Maya." " Who?" "Your teeth." " Bloody idiot!" "'l'm sorry..." "I'm sorry.." "I'm...'" "London rains cannot be trusted." "They come down any time." "That's why I always carry an umbrella." "You are going inside?" "So will I have to send you an invitation to come under the umbrella?" "But you are going that way." "Yes, but I didn't like the face of that lamp post... so I'm going this way." "Thank you." "'How do I say sorry?" "..." "Sorry..." "How do I say it?" "'" "Did you say something?" "Have you come to London for the first time?" "There are many good places to see here." "Westminster's Abbey, falls, museums, theaters." "Then why did you waste your precious time in making Zafarani Pulao?" "Your ego got hurt?" " Excuse me?" "Your ego?" " Ego?" "Me?" "Ego... ego... lf l had any ego... why would I invite you for a coffee to my restaurant?" "Hey look, Zafarani Pulao with boss." "Table five." "is boss back?" " He's looking for you." "Go quickly!" "We are so lucky, aren't we?" "We are going to hear... what no one has ever heard in this restaurant." "What?" " An apology from boss." "'Apologise... apologise!" "'" "Nowadays, many people from India are coming to London." "The air fares have come down." "Tourist are bound to come." "Thank you." "Thank you means leave." "Sugar ruins the taste of coffee." "I like sugar." " So don't you like coffee?" "Sugar only ruins the taste of Hyderabadi Zafarani Pulao... not of coffee." "'Say sorry... say sorry!" "'" "Which hotel are you staying in?" " Not hotel, in Shalini's house." "Shalini, the one who brought me to your restaurant that day." "That sweet evening when your Zafarani Pulao..." "Oh, so you are staying close by." "That is why you wander around my restaurant every day." "There is one more reason." "I like to get myself insulted." "'Say I'm sorry'" "Sorry... sorry." "However you say it, it doesn't take longer than five seconds to say sorry." "By the way, where are you from?" " Delhi." "Even your parents live in Delhi?" " Only papa, mom is no more." "Now I understand." " What?" "Why you have come to London." " Why?" "To forget your sorrow." "The weather in here is good." "What sorrow?" "When you lose your mother, you feel sad." "It's 23 years since I lost my mother." "Then what sorrow do you have?" "What sorrow?" "I'm sorry, it's your personal life. I..." "That's true." "But why do you feel there is some sorrow in my personal life?" "Seeing your sad face." "Where is the sorrow?" " Here, look in a bigger spoon." "Saw the sorrow... in those ready to overflow tear filled eyes?" "These are those eyes." "Away from home, they come to a best friend in London... and roam lost." "Any blind man can say there is surely some tragedy in those eyes." "Like?" " Some personal tragedy." "Like?" "No, tell me, what?" " Forget it." "No, what personal?" " lt's all right." "Tell me." " Forget it." "What personal tragedy?" " A husband, divorce." "A boyfriend, a broken relationship." "I'm sorry, it's your personal life." " That's true." "But if a husband, or divorce..." "thanks God it hasn't happened though." "What?" "Husband, or divorce?" "Why?" "is this information not there in my eyes?" "It is, but I want you to say it." "Thank you." "Even if there has been a personal tragedy, like a broken relationship... why will I be here?" "He will be here." "The other part of the broken relationship." "Ego is not good for women." "And it's good for you?" "If I had an ego, I wouldn't give you what is an important part of my life." "Here. it's raining outside." "He gave her his umbrella." "What if she doesn't return it?" "You have your teeth." "Sell them to the London museum and get a new one for boss." "It's a good idea." "It often rains in London." "While leaving, if I give my every customer an umbrella... he will have to come to the restaurant atleast once to return it." "Right?" "Less sugar..." "A little less... in you" "When a man gives his umbrella to someone... assume his world has opened up." "That's the world!" "My Maya doesn't like protection." "I tried so many." "Dotted, ribbed, flavored, banana, strawberry, chocolate." "She has no taste." "You mean, you and Maya, without a protection..." "DVD." " Oh!" "Tomorrow." "Promise." "Where's your umbrella?" "What a body they have?" "Can anyone guess they are 5-60 years old?" "They look so young and strong." "I'm sure they go to the gym every day." " Have you eaten?" "I have. I cannot wait for so long." "Good you ate before me." "If you are alive after eating, that means even I'll live." "Babu, don't worry, we'll think of something." "Yes, we'll think of something." "You need brains to think, not teeth." "Think indeed!" "Look." "Less sugar..." "A little less... in you" "Slowly..." "Hello." " l've come to return your umbrella." "Don't want to go back?" "You own this restaurant, don't you?" "Want to buy it?" "When someone praises this restaurant, you get the praise, right?" "Yes." "When someone abuses the food here, you should be taking the abuse too." "Then why are you sending Babu home?" "You should be going home." "Isn't it?" "Hurry up." "Has Babu returned to India?" "No, boss." "Shall I call him back." "If you cannot see India being troubled." "Call him back." "Keep him away from sugar." "Cheers!" "Jason?" "It's me, Shalini." "Why did Jason leave in such a huff?" "I told him I love someone else." "Who?" "I just said that to make him feel jealous." "Why, Shalini?" "You didn't do right." "You're absolutely wrong.." " There's nothing wrong, honey." "You don't know men." "Until you don't give them such shocks... they don't tow the line." "Every Saturday, it's the same old story." "Have beer with friends, and then watch football." "Five minutes of sex, and eight hours of snoring." "Why should I marry such a man... who has only five minutes for me every week?" "Come on, Shalini!" "Jason is a nice guy." "let him feel a little jealous." "He'll tow the line." "Watch!" "Hey!" "What are you making." "How is it?" " There's less sugar in it." "Use Sugarfree." "You'll stay fit with it." "Cooking is not a profession." "Hey, listen." "Did anyone come to return my umbrella..." "Your umbrella." "Come." "Thank you." "The food was very good." " l know." "How?" " l can see the joy on your face." "And you think it is because of your food?" "It could be because of the chair opposite." "He ran away?" " He's a busy guy." "He cannot sit in one restaurant all day." "Then where does he sit all day?" "To know that, I'll have to spend a whole day with Jason." "Jason?" " Jason... nice name, na?" "He's boyfriend... of Shalini." "He was very upset, so I was giving him advice." "Rains!" "So what advice did you give Jason?" "Jealous, that only the English are getting my advice?" "I don't take advice, I give advice." "And my advice is, don't even think of returning my umbrella." "I have to have a reason for coming here." "There are many reasons in our restaurant's menu." "Every reason cannot be in the menu." "Less sugar..." "A little less... in you" "When someone repeatedly refuses to take back his umbrella... know that his time to get wet is here." "Wow!" " Wow." "Wow." "Wow." "Hi!" "Something fishy!" "Fish is always fishy." "Hey... happy birthday." "Thank you.. thank you." "Happy birthday." " Thank you." "He's too sweet today." "We'll have to get his sugar level checked tomorrow." "DVD." " Oh!" "Hey!" "It's my birthday today." "I should get a gift or you?" "Tomorrow." "Promise." "Mother promise." "What's going on in life?" " Nothing." "Then why did you go to the gym today?" "Today?" "I was in a mood." " Why?" "To stay fit." " Why did you want to stay fit?" "Soddenly." " Hey Sexy, quiet!" "Why are you keeping it from me?" "59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64." "She's come." " Let's go!" "She's come." "This way." "Oh, it's your birthday." "No, we are celebrating the cake's birthday." "It was just born in the oven." "Happy birthday, Mr.Cake." "Which birthday is it of the cake?" "60..." "Shall we go?" "Not here, we'll go and sit in that corner." "Okay." "Your moustache is lovely." "Thank you." "You won't eat cake?" " l don't eat cake." "Why?" "I fear eating so much sugar I may turn sugar." "So funny." "You know, there's a very funny show in town." "Comedy theater, Picadilly Circus." "Fantastic show." "You must go there." "Tomorrow evening, 8:30." "Picadilly Circus." "Comedy theater." "Very sorry, your umbrella is still with me." "I'll take it in the theater tomorrow evening." "Meaning?" " At 8:30." "Meaning?" " Meaning, at 8:30." "Tomorrow evening, Picadilly Circus." "Why don't we go?" " You and me, together?" "Comedy theater, tomorrow night?" "Night?" "It's not night at 8:30 in London." "It's nice and bright, you don't have to worry." "is this the line you use for every girl?" "What do you mean?" " What do you mean?" "What?" "You saw a single girl and thought she's come along?" "is there an 'available' board on my head?" "Why do you all men think alike?" "One track mind." "Just because I was friendly with you, you ask me out?" "We'll go together, eat together, we'll sleep together." "Disgusting!" "You won't be late, will you?" "There is a dustbin close to the theater." "If I get late, though chance are..." "less... throw it in the dustbin, I'll take it from there." "Take your umbrella from the dustbin." "You are late." "What late?" "I'm bang on time." "It's 8:30." "Even the show started bang on time, at 7:30." "Oh." "Doesn't matter." "I've seen the show thrice before." "With three different girls?" " Oh... oh!" "I can smell something burning." "Did you really throw my umbrella into the dustbin?" "Are you short sighted, or long sighted?" "Why?" "Oh, this?" "My eyes are fine, your must be weak." "Designer glasses." "Versace." "Bought them especially today to impress me?" "Impress?" "Impress you?" "Oh God, I forgot!" "I have to impress you." "I have to impress!" "Impress?" "How do I impress you?" "If I had to impress you..." "To impress, people buy flowers worth Rs.200... that wither in two hours." "Wonder what they express by giving flowers" ""Why is the wind, the atmosphere, fragrant?"" "I can even give you a necklace worth 2.5 million to impress you... but without a price tag, you will think it is cheap." "And I cannot give it with the price tag." ""Why is the wind, the atmosphere, fragrant?"" ""Why does the world seem up side down?"" ""Why can't he say what he wants to say?"" ""What your eyes say, why don't your lips say?"" "To impress you, I could have taken you to listen to Albert Hall music." "But if you become emotional hearing the music... people will think I made you cry." "No." "Though, if you want to impress me... just take me to Wimbledon." "Anna Karnikova." "Oh!" "What legs." "Thank you." "You're trying to impress me." "The sunset, candlelight, moonlight concept can be used to impress." "But then, you will neither be able to see my face, nor the food." "Enough!" "Impress indeed!" "Shall I express something?" "I'm very hungry." "What would you recommend in vegetarian?" "Mixed vegetable pasta." " Greens?" "Yuck!" "Okay, I like that." " Madam?" "Anything in chicken." "Or fish actually." "Fish pan fried?" " l'll have that." "You eat greens and..." "You are vegetarian?" "Yes." "But you cook everything in your restaurant?" "It's a chef's job to know others taste without tasting the food." "But you did taste it once, a mutton Zafarani Pulao." "One mistake in life is allowed." "Enjoy your meal." " How can you eat this tasteless food?" "See the level of water in the river?" "It's rising." "What?" " Look carefully. lt's rising." "Know why?" "Because this fish you are going to eat... it's relatives in the water are crying over its death." "The fish's mother, father, wife... his little children, all are crying." "The water level is rising because of their tears." "When you cut the pan fried fish with the knife here... your mouth will water." "But in the water there, his relatives will shed tears of blood." "I don't want to eat this." " Okay, sorry, eat it." "Until it won't go in your stomach, how will it get cremated?" "It's soul will wander." "Do you like soft bones, or hard?" "Meaning?" " Do you like fish, or chicken?" "Chicken." "Maybe that's why you were kind to the chicken." "Leg Kebab!" "Hello!" " l've had dinner." "Then I don't need to have medicine." " Why?" "I had only one purpose in life, to cook for you." "If that is lost, what will I live and do?" "If you depart, who will watch TV?" "What will happen to those muscle men?" "Who will watch 'Sex and the City'?" "All TV channels will shut down." "If you survive, the TV channels will survive." "Have mercy on them, take your medicine." "You can go to hell." "What happened now?" " You know Jason, the rogue... he told me he's found someone else." "How can he say that to me?" " Why?" "You can say that, he cannot?" "I told you Shalini, don't make him jealous." "If you keep behaving like that, no man will stick to you." "Have you done a Phd in men's psychology?" "No, you don't get a Phd for such a small thing." "What do you know?" " l know." "What do you know?" "How do you know men?" "I know somebody." " Who?" "Somebody." " Who?" "What?" "Who?" "Whose is it?" "London's most authentic Zafarani Pulao." "What!" "That psycho?" "Come here." "Murg Hara Masala." "Veg Kadhai." "Bhuna Ghosht." "Tomato Palak..." "Kheema Bare Salan Murg ka Pulao." "Kheema Bare Sale..." "Sale..." "Enough." "This is the only think that will not change in the menu." "Menu change?" "Yes, I want to change the menu from today." "I'll tell you what your problem is." "You don't experiment anything new." "You blindly make what is being made since years." "Try something different." "Something new should always happen in life." "But, Kheema Bare Salan Murg ka Pulao will remain on the menu." "Isn't the atmosphere here changing?" "The whole world's weather is changing these days." "We will treat some guests in the evening something new... and take their opinion." "Let's do something creative." "Make a relishing chicken dish." "And what timer are these special guests coming?" "Sir, how can anyone show creativity with chicken?" "Like God showed with your teeth." "Fantastic!" "Good night." ""Lonely, lost... my eyes look only for you..."" "since so very long" ""When will you come, I ask myself"" "I am here, where are you?" "Hear my sighs" "You are late even today." "Very good." "Does your father-in-law run the DVD shop... to keep it open until so late?" "Hey, lover boy, what happened?" "What's troubling you?" "Please do not disturb?" "Yes." " Okay, then I will." "Come, let's go and have an ice-cream." "Hey, give me company." "No." "Why are you sad sad?" "Why aren't you happy sad?" "Why do we feel sad?" "Because our heart is heavy." "Heavy heavy." "When does the heart feel heavy?" "When someone hurts our heart." "Who can hurt your heart so much?" "Who is very close to the heart." "Who is the heart close to?" "With whom the heart feels happy." "You were happy, that's why you are sad." "So be happy sad, not sad sad." "How do you know all this?" " Experience." "Boys!" "lmmature!" "Until they reach my level, I will... become a ghost." "Oh, emotions!" "You read the paper too?" "Hello!" "Hello!" "Was there something wrong with the breakfast today?" "Where is my umbrella?" " lt's not raining today." "I should I carry it around?" " lt can rain anytime." "Angry?" " No, I'm busy, I have to go." "Collect your umbrella at 7pm outside Comedy theater today." "Waiting since very long?" " No, only 2-3 hours." "You don't have any..." " Where were you yesterday?" "Where I should have been." " Where should you have been?" "Where should I have been where l was not?" "Why didn't you come yesterday?" " Where?" "There." " Where there?" "At the restaurant." "Have I signed some contract to come to the restaurant daily?" "What made you assume I'll come?" "If it was something special, you should have told me." "You only told me there are many beautiful places in London." "Westminster Abbey, London museum." "That I must go and see." "Shalini had leave yesterday." "So I went sightseeing with her." "You missed me?" "Tell me, you missed me?" "You must say what's on your heart." "You should not suppress your feelings, you get acidity." "Yes?" " Will you have something?" "One coffee please." "You can say, and even ask." "What?" "What a man normally asks a woman." "What does he ask?" "What a man should ask first." " Ask what?" "What you haven't asked until now." "How long you take." "What should I ask?" " lt's such a small thing." "Why are you so afraid?" "Ask." "You ask me." " You'll never ask." "Shall I ask?" " Yes, ask." "Shall I?" " Yes." "What is your name?" "Buddha..." "Buddhadev Gupta." "Buddha, and you?" "So much ego, so much pride, so much self esteem... and you call yourself Buddha?" "Even your parents must have kept some name for you." "Or don't you have a name?" " Neena..." "Neena Verma." "Apart from holidaying, what else does Neena do?" "Bless you." " You work for an insurance company?" "Why insurance company?" "Only an insurance agent can truly bless you with a long life." "Didn't get it?" "If we die, who loses?" "the insurance company." "If we live, who benefits?" "The insurance company." "Hey... hey!" "What a brilliant idea!" "What a brilliant idea... for world peace." "We must make all the terrorists insurance agents." "They won't kill anyone." "They'll bless everyone with a long life." "Hey, call him!" "Call George Bush." "Call for a taxi... or Shalini will reach here with London's entire police force." "Taxi." "What will you do?" "Try harder." "Why don't you shout?" "Taxi... taxi... taxi!" "Taxi is so sexy." "It makes something happen in the heart." "You won't understand." "You're too logical." "Get in." "Okay, let's move." "Where is the umbrella?" "See that house?" "I live there." "You live alone?" " No, with my seven wives." "I live with my mother." " Your mother?" "No, Prince Charles' mother." "Can I meet her?" "Come." "Yes?" " Who is she?" "Tomorrow." " Why tomorrow?" "Why not today?" "I'll tell you tomorrow." " Today." "Tomorrow." " Today." "Tomorrow." "'She's so fair!" "'" "Neena." "Today." " Tomorrow." "Today!" "How nice to meet you." " l'll change and come." "You live in London?" " No, in Delhi." "I'm going back after two weeks." "Delhi?" "Even we are from Delhi." "Oh." "Since when are you in London?" "Since 1978." "We came here after his father died." "He used to work in a five star hotel in Delhi" "Which hotel was it?" " Will you stop on our golden history?" "Will you eat something?" " Why?" "is it 15th August today?" "What?" "Special food is cooked in Tiharjail on 15th August." "Want to eat." " That's his problem always." "He gets angry at everything." "Always ready to flare up." "Because he never got married, that's why." "Though, ten years ago, an English girl surely came into his life." "English girl?" "Was she beautiful?" "Who knows how she was, who she was, where she was from." "He never reveals anything." " Then how did you know?" "He came home one day and suddenly started talking like the English." "Like they say,'what's for dinner, mom?" "' 'l'm afraid I'll be late tonight'" "When people get close, they begin to talk like each other." "It lasted for six months." "How do you know it lasted only for six months?" "In the seventh month, he came home and started talking normally." "His language changed." "And I knew she was gone." "The affair was over." "You ask him, he will surely tell you." "I'll ask you a very important question tomorrow." "What?" "My mother's name?" "How old are you?" "6...4, 64." "You?" " 3...4, 34." "34?" "Very old." " 64?" "Very young." "Why are you still single?" "I didn't find any interesting man until now." "34 years, and you didn't find any interesting man?" "64 years, and you didn't find an interesting woman." "I did find... interesting women." "But not as interesting as me." "Show me your hand." "I'll tell you if you will get one or not." "See that tree?" " Yes." "Run there, touch it, and come back running." "Why?" " Don't ask questions." "Go run." "But why?" "Touch the tree and come, then I'll tell you." "But..." " Go!" "..." "Go!" "Run and go... come on." "Run!" "Run!" "Well done." "You touched my hand, so I thought I'll check... whether you have the stamina to go further, or..." "Stamina?" "To go further?" "Me?" "Come." "Come on!" "Leave, let me go" "Leave my hand, let me go" "No, don't insist" "Please don't!" "Let me go." "Stamina." " Let's go back." "Come to a room." " Come on!" "Here?" "You want to do it here?" "Okay, come." "Get up!" " Come." "Then where do you want to do it?" ""What's the hurry?" "Wait a while"" "Wait... trust me" "Such eagerness is not good" "Control your emotions" "Understand the situation" "That sweet moment will come" "Leave, let me go" "Chef, make this." "One Veg Biryani." "His girlfriend is pregnant." "And he doesn't want to marry her?" " No, he wants to marry her." "She doesn't." "But she wants the baby." "I told him so many times to use an umbrella... condom." "But..." "Yes?" " Shalini and Jason have made up." "They are leaving tonight for Scotland for a weekend." "So should I dance?" "You made them patch up, by giving them smart advice?" "Greens..." "I mean, tonight." "What tonight?" " Dinner here with me." "You and me." "Just you and me." "Got it?" "I told him so many times to use a condom, but he didn't listen." "BP..." "BP..." "BP..." "No... no..." "This..." "No, not Aspirin." "You see... you know..." "Condom." "Give Durex." " What?" "Durex." "Honeymoon again tonight?" " Not me, the old uncle there." "Who?" " Give Durex to that old uncle." "Dotted, ribbed, flavored, banana, strawberry, chocolate." "'Give the old uncle Durex indeed'" "'Old uncle'" "'Durex to old uncle'" "'What do they think?" "Durex to old uncle?" "Uncle?" "'" "Taxi." "'Whether you have the stamina to go further, or...'" "'Run!" "'" "Mr.Greens, Shalini and Jason's flight got canceled." "They have returned home." "So... don't come tonight." "Sorry..." "'Give Durex to that old uncle'" "Get married?" " To whom?" "You marry that Englishman who is digging his nose... and I'll marry that sexy black woman." "What do you say?" "is even marriage a joke for you?" " No." "Marriage is the price a man pays for sex." "Sex is a price that a woman pays for marriage." "Even after this bitter philosophy, will you marry me?" "Yes." "To speak to mother." "You cannot speak to your mother?" " No." "Okay, but you'll speak to my father." "Okay, but first you speak to mother." "What happened?" " She suddenly collapsed." "Her pulse is very low." "You sit with mother, I'm going to the hospital." "Who is that girl?" " She's so cute." "She lost her when she was born." "She was very little when she came to our neighborhood." "Sexy changed Buddha's life." "They cannot live without each other." "Sexy." "But what has happened to her?" " Blood cancer." "I don't know how her little body can take so much pain." "I can't even bear to see her." "In three weeks, she has gone to the hospital seven times like that." "Hello." "What?" "..." "is he okay?" "is he okay..." "is... but is..." "What happened?" " Papa is in hospital in Delhi." "He complained of chest pain all night." "He's in the lCU. I'm worried." "He has diabetes." "His sugar level has increased." "I'll have to go." " Don't worry." "Do go." "Everything will be all right." "Relax." "Yes." "But why does all this happen when something good has to happen?" "Have coffee." "Relax." "Everything will be all right." "We had come to tell you..." "Don't say anything now." "Have coffee." "Shall I add sugar?" "I'm okay." "We want to get married." "We?" "To him?" "Sure?" "Look, he lived up only two days, and look what he got." "How is she?" " Developed country, my foot!" "They cannot remove cancer from a little girl's body." "Where is the point of being a developed country?" "Nothing makes any sense." "Nothing." "Papa is very ill." "This country is so rich, so powerful, so much research is done here." "What's the use?" "Make weapons and kill people." "What else can you do?" "What a country this is." " Papa is very ill." "I have to go to India." " Does this make any sense to you?" "Does any of this whole thing make any bloody sense to you?" "I have to go tomorrow." "She is a little girl." "They cannot cure her." "I have to leave for India tomorrow itself." "Then go!" "Go quickly!" "My papa is ill." " Then go." "Who's stopping you?" "My papa is ill." " Then go." "Go quickly" "What?" "Like you are afraid, even I'm afraid." "He's my father, okay." "When?" " Tomorrow." "And back?" " Can I meet Sexy?" "No, she's sleeping." "When are you returning?" "I'm not coming." "You are coming, remember, to talk to papa?" "I won't come." "Then don't come." "Hey!" "Anyone calls, and you will turn?" "Mr.Greens." " When is the flight?" "10am tomorrow." "We'll have chicken for breakfast tomorrow." "Tangdi Kebab." "To get back my umbrella, I'll have to go to India." "I hear, Chatri has gone back to India" "No wonder Colgate is sulking." " Nothing of that sort" "She wants to marry." " So what's the problem?" "The baby." "She says, it doesn't matter who the father is I suspect her." " What?" "Suspect." " Shake?" "I mean, doubt." "God knows whose baby it is" "Simple." "Just check the baby's teeth after delivery, you will know I'll christen your baby." " What will it be?" "Junior Colgate." " Damn you!" "Yeah?" " l'm back" "How come?" "The doctor sent me back, to watch DVDs" "You are getting them, no?" " Yes...?" "Yes..." "I'm getting them I'm looking for DVDs that you can watch" "Don't waste your time, get them all" "Do you have anymore adult DVDs that a child can watch?" "What?" "Leg Kebab...?" "Hello Leg Kebab" "Who...?" "Who named you Leg Kebab?" "One who calls you Sexy" "He is sleeping, with me, in my bed" "How are you?" " Sexy." "You?" "Well... not that sexy" "Where are you?" " Delhi" "Have you dumped him?" " Give me the phone" "Spoilsport!" " Hello?" "How's your father?" "All the tests are normal, except sugar. lt's high" "So sugar runs in your blood" "Who's this Leg Kebab?" "Well... between us... you know... something happened." "I'm going to marry her I knew you'd dump me I wanted to tell you that day but... you know..." " She's in Delhi" "And you are here." "Why?" "Are you scared I'd elope with someone?" "Are you waiting for my consent?" "Guilty, eh?" "Okay" "Go." "And be back before I watch all these DVDs." "Follow?" "I want to see her." "is she sexier than me?" "That spoilsport!" "So when are we going to Delhi?" " We?" "I plan to go to Haridwar." " Pilgrimage?" "You?" "Why?" "is Sex And The City wrapped up?" " lt's up to you." "Take me with you now, or take my ashes there later" "I'm not going to Haridwar I didn't call you either." "Don't I need a break from you?" "Mala is in Delhi l'll stay with her and I'll go with her" "Twenty-two years ln 22 years, I've never stayed away from the restaurant even for a day" "How about getting that in the Guinness Book?" "is that also going with you?" " What?" "That one" "Does it need an extra ticket?" "You're going to see your father-in-law." "At least behave like a son-in-law" "Shall I cut it off?" " You think it's a vegetable?" "Listen!" "Call them!" "This is okay." "Now try this" "Chicken, chilli, salt, okra..." "tastes very well" "Hey that was perfect." "Don't worry" "You go and tell boss, he'll be very happy with you" "Know what?" "He'll make you his boss" "Where's boss?" "Hello?" "Where are you?" "I've been trying your number since last night" "At 35,000 feet no cellphones work..." "as of now" "Why?" "Where were you flying?" "Where are you right now?" "Where's your dad?" " Why?" "You...?" "Are you in Delhi?" "No." "Just my kidneys." "They are so eager to meet your dad" "Shut up." "Where are you?" "Shangrila" "What?" "Why can't you come up to the room?" "I thought you are gonna give me a hug." " Okay" "How are you?" "How's the weather?" "How's everybody else?" "Let's go upstairs." " Why?" "I want to show you my toothbrush." "C'mon" "Shut up." "You look cute" "Let's go upstairs" "How hungry are you?" " Come on" "And something's different..." "hey, what happened?" "This one?" "It didn't get a visa" "But it was so cute." " Cute?" "Watch this" "Cool." " lsn't it?" "Let's go upstairs" "Let's go home." " Why?" "No one at home?" "Papa's home." " ln front of Papa?" "What a shame." "C'mon" "Come on move!" "C'mon" "Nice car" "Car... car" "Taxi" "Taxi is a word sexier than car" "Hey Sexy" "Going to meet her father?" "Scared?" "Scared?" "What for?" "It'll be over in a minute" "A minute's job..." "how many days is it going to take?" "How many DVDs have you watched?" "Ten to go" "Too slow, eh." "Okay, talk to you later." "Bye" "How is Sexy?" "Well, tell me... what are you going to tell Papa?" "Simple. I'll just tell him." " Tell him what?" "That, our sex centre is in the hypothalamus which is inside the brain" "Hypothalamus controls our heart rate, blood pressure and emotions ln men, the hypothalamus is a little larger lf refrained from sex for a long time, the hypothalamus fails to control the emotions, which leads to heart attack or a rise in blood pressure and eventually death" "In short, I want to marry your daughter because my hypothalamus has lost control" "You will say that?" " Yes" "Mr Buddhadev from London" "Ah!" "From London!" "Lords, the Mecca of cricket" "Please come." "London, cold weather, swinging ball." "You must be watching a lot of cricket" "No..." "So you are retired, like me" "So now, prayers, food and Bhaji" "Bhaji?" " Harbhajan Singh" "No..." "I'm a chef." "I have a restaurant in London" "That's nice" "Very nice." "Gandhiji" "Gandhiji also said, man must work till his last breath" "Till his last breath" "But unfortunately, Mr Buddha, my body doesn't listen to my mind" "How are you feeling now?" "Mr Buddha (Mr Oldie), at this age, the body is like a second hand car" "Sometimes it's dirt in the carburetor, sometimes it's the suspension trouble" "A regular servicing is needed you see" "At our age, there's no dearth of diseases." "You know it" "Once she is married off, I'll lead the rest of my life with a free mind," "on the ideals of Gandhiji." "That's it" "Well..." " What match was it?" "Idiotic!" "One dayers!" "So many these days" "You fail to realise who is playing whom" "Add to that the colourful dresses, it's a complete circus" "Test cricket is the real cricket" "Five glorious days." "Five days" "Actually, I and Nina..." " Oh yes, get him some ginger tea." " l've told the maid" "At our age, Mr Buddha, we must drink ginger tea, every day" "Stomach must be solid, like Rahul Dravid" "A wall, solid" "Go ahead, have it." "So, the real cricket is Test cricket" "You must've seen in 1961, England vs Australia" "Remember?" "Colin Coudrey, Richie Benaud, did you see?" " l didn't" "Oh yes, we didn't have TV in those days I meant, the BBC radio commentary lsn't it?" "John Alott, Brian Johnston ... that was real commentary impeccable English, right words..." "Isn't it, dear?" "Papa, in 1961 ..." "Right, you weren't born in 1961 ." "Sorry." "I must've been about 14 in 1961 ." "What about you?" "Well..." " Papa, the tea is getting cold!" "Why don't you have it?" "So how is your wife and kids and everybody?" "All settled in London, right?" "Grandchildren too" "What's your grandson's name?" " l'm not married yet" "Gandhian father, really." "He reduced me to nothing I open my mouth to say something and he reminds me that I'm his age" "At this rate, how do I tell him?" "I can't help it if I'm his age." " You are not his age implying?" " He is just 58" "Fifty-eight?" " Yes" "Six years younger to me?" " Yes" "And I want to marry his... no, I can't do this anymore, it's embarrassing" "You talk to him now, he is you father." " Come over here" "What?" " Come here" "Fifty-eight...?" " Stand before that pillar I am standing." " Inside." "Come on" "Join your hands now" "Not like that... turn" "Reverse?" " This is the Ashoka Pillar lt is said that if you join your hands, you will get your wish" "Nonsense." " Just try" "Didn't you find a better fool?" "There are enough young men" "All boys, Greens." "And boys really take time to grow up" "Sometimes it takes even longer, like 64 years" "Try... buck up" "My wish is, you talk to your father" "Your wish isn't granted." "You are talking to my father" "Tell him to go take a walk." " 6 am." "Walk" "He was amazing." "Dhoni is matchless" "Have you seen Salim Durani in action?" "He used to hit sixes on demand" "Mr Buddha!" "Good morning." " Hello" "Mr Agarwal, Mr Jain, Mr Chopra" "Mr Buddha" "Since the last 27 years..." " 25 years" "Twenty-seven years!" "16th January" "We've been going out on morning walks for the last 27 years, without fail" "You must also be having a senior citizen club in London" "No" "What is the power of your glasses?" " Power?" "Power your spectacles?" " Oh, it's designer..." "Early morning walk on grass without shoes reduces the power" "Looks like with age Mr Buddha is getting into blind faith" "He'll walk without shoes on green grass" "Look at that!" "We too lived through youth, but we had an aim, a mission" "To serve our country." "Not like them" "They blow up their father's money first on fast food... and then on Nike shoes to pull their weight down" "That's fitness. imported fitness imported!" " Nina doesn't like the boys here" "No way." "I get a feeling, I have to import a boy lt's about Nina, it's important... lmported son-in-law" "Times are changing, we must walk with the world" "Of course." "Join us" "There was a time when millions gathered to kick the foreigners out, Mr Buddha" "And today, to go abroad, millions of people gather at the Consulate... to get their visas." " Absolutely" "Will this foreign craze be rid of?" "No way" "Even to enact Gandhiji's role, we import a certain Ben Kingsley" "Don't we have our very own Naseeruddin Shah?" "I can understand your pain." " The saddest part, Mr Buddha, is... I couldn't see Bapu" "He attained martyrdom in January and I was born in February" "You must've certainly seen him." "Lucky you" "Only Gandhiji?" "I've even seen his grandfather" "My cool Versace glasses... your dad thinks they're for my old eyes" "Tell me something." "You bought it to impress me at the comedy theatre, right?" "No." " Yes" "No." " Hundred percent, yes" "No" "Ma would've fixed your old man good" "What a time to go on a pilgrimage!" " You didn't tell me Ma is here?" "How about a ride, honey?" "Damn you!" "What did he say?" " Let's fix the old man." "Turn back" "They are coming back" "Let's go." " No, wait" "Let's go." " Wait" "As long as I can speak, I shall protect you" "As long as you can speak, you will talk to my father" "Your dear father has messed up my brains" "Let's eat some sour street stuff." " Sure" "It's too sweet." "Excuse me... ls it a sour dish or a sweet one?" "It's too sweet lt's sour." " Shall I show you how to make it?" "Shall I come in?" "Let's go home and make it" "What an idea!" "I'll woo your father with food" "Okay, but do you know his likes?" "I'm the chef of the best Indian restaurant in London. I know my job" "Okay?" "Just chill then" "Just chill." " l will I know what my job is" "So you just watch." "Watch what I do to your dad" "Mr Buddha is working very hard." "What's coming up?" "Gourd?" "Bell-plant, potato... peas" "Good" "Get everything you have, I'll start" "That's all" "Looks like your restaurant is vegetarian" "No chicken?" " No." "You follow Gandhiji's ideals... I'm a Gandhian throughout the week, but vegetarian only once a week." "Tuesday" "Unless I have chicken, I don't feel like I have eaten anything" "Long way to go before I turn vegan." "My system is still working strong" "Looks like Mr Buddha's system has rusted" "Seema, get yesterday's chicken from the refrigerator" "What a disciple of Gandhiji!" "He would stress on vegetarian food" "That old diabetic eats chicken that is vegetarian" "The old man is not the problem, Buddha is" "Don't feed him, make him drink." "Forget your ideas, just call him over and tell him everything" "Amrish Puri, Pran, K.N Singh," "Vat 69..." "I have even had the villains' drink" "Try everything in life but never be a slave to any habit" "Once you become a slave, it takes 200 years to gain independence" "Once a while doesn't make a slave out of you, doesn't increase the sugar level" "Don't you ever feel lonely?" "It's almost 25 years since Nina's mother passed away" "Never saw anyone after that?" "What?" "Never thought of marrying again?" "No, Mr Buddha." "Actually, every age has its own purpose" "Play during childhood, enjoy during youth, then enjoy your married life, and in old age... control, self-discipline." "Time to go" "Prepare for the last journey." "That's it" "Marrying again?" "What use marrying at our age?" "No, no I'm worried about Nina of course" "Mr Buddha, you must be knowing some young men of about 35 in London" "A good-looking boy, you know." "Please think about Nina" "Please think while I go to the loo" "Too much of soda" "I want to marry your daughter" "W... three times W" "Scoundrel!" "Who?" "That swine wants to marry you" "Disgusting" "Even I want to marry him" "What...?" "What?" "What did you say?" "How can you marry him?" "I won't let you commit this mistake" "He is your father's age." " No." "He's six years older than you I don't approve of this alliance" "Approval?" "But who is asking you?" "We are telling you" "All right." "Then let me also tell you." "This is not happening when I'm alive" "So when are you leaving?" "Sorry." "Papa, what's the problem if your son-in-law is your age?" "You think he won't respect you?" "Of course, he will" "You think he won't call you Papa?" "Of course, he will" "I'm thinking about you" "Look my child, how long will he be alive?" "Five more years?" "Ten years?" "Afterwards?" "Papa, I love Buddha, not his age" "Rather than living fifty years with someone I don't love, I'd prefer to live five or ten years with someone I love" "Besides, who can foretell someone's age?" "Mummy was younger than you but she died before you" "Just shut up" "Won't you be happy with someone your age?" "What are you raving about age, Papa?" "Now I love someone who's not my age and I can't help it" "That's my destiny" "You may consider it my bad luck or whatever" "Let's eat" "Nina... stop!" "Stop, I say!" "Greens, what happened?" "I'm your bad luck, eh?" "Greens, what bad luck?" "I wanted to make light of the matter, it was a slip of tongue" "The biggest truth always is a slip of tongue, to make light of the matter" "The truth is, I'm six years older to your father" "The truth is, you are just 34" "The truth is, after 34 lonely years, loneliness scares a woman" "Because of that very apprehensiveness, you thought that if you dump me, you won't find another after two more years" "That's the harshest truth of our relationship" "Another truth." "You can easily find a young man" "So?" " Go and marry someone your age" "Do you know anyone?" "Got any picture of him?" "Goodbye!" " C'mon Greens!" "What is this?" "Shall I serve food, sir?" "Food?" "Not even a drop of water until she drops him" "What a stuffed stomach cannot achieve, an empty stomach will" "Come on now..." " Lady, your father is not eating." " Oh hell I'm coming" "Got to go. lf he doesn't eat, it'll affect his sugar level" "Airport, please" "Why airport?" " This pickup doesn't fly to London" "Go and feed your father." "He'll find someone your age only if he lives" "Tears for your bad luck, eh?" "Well?" "Oh, for all your favours, a 64 year-old didn't return any" "Move" "O my love," "Cut that background music, will you?" " "l can't live without you..."" "Hi." "What's up?" "You sound weak I'm coming back, I can't carry it on" "Come back, but for a problem" "With me, you will be a widow soon" "Hey Sexy, widow is a term used for women" "Correction." "You will be a male widow" "What's your DVD score?" "Four to go." "Will be over tonight" "Four in a night?" "Of course. I'm watching it in fast-forward" "Why fast-forward?" " There's nothing in it" "You conned me." "How do you know what happens in adult movies?" "This is what happens when a cartoon watcher goes to buy adult movies" "Where is she?" "Who?" "Leg Kebab." "You call her Leg Kebab, don't you?" "I used to" "Used to?" "And she used to call you...?" "Forget it." " Tell me" "Greens." " So cute" "You eat greens and you can see only grass" "Apt name." "Has Leg Kebab had a quarrel with Greens?" "Hmm." " What does hmm translate to?" "You must've certainly said something in a rage" "What did I say?" "She is doing me a favour by marrying me" "Darling, what else would she do?" "Everyone with you is doing you a favour" "Am I so evil?" " The others are too good, that's it." "Where's Leg Kebab?" "Apologise to her soon." "Why apologise?" " Sorry doesn't reduce one's height" "Why don't you come to India, Sexy?" " lt takes 9 hours to reach India." "Who has time, boss?" "I have to finish four DVDs." "Don't waste my time, go and waste Leg Kebab's time." "Apologise to her." " All right, there's no hurry." "Looks like you have a lot of time" "Lend me some time, please." " Hey Sexy." "Don't waste time, baby." "Bye." "Attention please." "Due to floods of tears all the runways have been shut." "All flights to London have been cancelled for a few days." "Please take the trouble to come outside." "inconvenience caused is greatly regretted." "Hey Leg Kebab, want some chicken?" "Papa hasn't eaten yet." " He will" "Nimazuddin's famous Karim Chicken Kebab" "Did you go to Nimazuddin so late?" " No." "The chicken came on its own from Nimazuddin." "How come the mere mention of chicken stop your tears?" "C'mon" "Papa..." "Come downstairs and eat something." "Chicken." "You love it, don't you?" "Get up." "Get that man out first." "Have it." "Will you drop him?" "All right." "Then I'll leave this body." "As you wish, Papa." "Seema, tea..." "Tea, sir." " Go!" "The enlightened one... knows the pain of others." "He does good to others," ""yet he does not let pride enter his mind"" "He tolerates and praises... the entire world," "never criticizes anyone." "His words and thoughts... are pure." "Blessed is your mother." "Hi" "Greens, do something" "Hasn't eaten yet, still acting, eh?" "If his sugar level falls, he'll go into a coma. I'll be there." "No, don't come here, else..." "For all the things Gandhiji taught us, did he just learn this much?" "Can't help it" "Hold him tight, open his mouth and force orange juice into it I did try." "Do something, Greens" "Isn't committing suicide still a crime in this country?" "Can I help you?" "Someone is trying to commit suicide, I want you to stop him" "You mean..." " Someone is attempting suicide, I want you to stop him." " Okay... you mean he hasn't committed suicide yet, he will?" "He's trying." "Please stop him before he succeeds." "You mean the person is on top of a building and..." "No." "He's in his own house." "You mean, he's hanging himself?" "Or has he taken sedatives...?" "He's not even taking sedatives." "He has stopped eating." "He's not had anything since two days" "He's starving himself to death." "You mean non-violence?" " Nothing great about it." "He's actually threatening us, he doesn't want his daughter to marry me." "I can understand." " What can you understand?" "I mean... your grief ln fact, I'm angry." "It's not a serious problem, sir." "is there a minor solution to this minor problem?" "Yes." "Tell him, you are dumping his daughter, you are not marrying her." "He will eat." "Then you can take the girl away and marry her quietly in some temple." "Brilliant idea." "If I wanted to do that, why'd I come to you?" "Arrest him please." "He can't blackmail us" "We are lawfully right, he is committing a crime." "It's an attempt to commit suicide." "Please arrest him for that, feed him forcibly and rid us of our worries" "Sir... please forgive me." "I'm helpless. lf you say, I can go with you and advice him." "But I can't arrest him." "I can't arrest anyone... who is starving and protesting non-violently." "Besides, we consider such people great." "Nobody has escaped in our country after arresting a follower of non-violence." "Give and take?" "No sir. ln this matter, we can take, but we cannot give." "Sorry." "How do I feed her father now?" "Hello." "Where's my daughter-in-law?" " At her father's" "He has given up food." " What?" "Let's go." " Where?" "You are a great chef, aren't you ashamed?" "Can't you feed a hungry man?" "C'mon" "is he dead?" " No. lt's only the second day." "He'll survive for two more days." " Oh no, four more days at least." "At least a week." " Wanna bet?" "No, wait." "Hello." "Holy water." "Give him some." "Sir please..." " Don't touch me" "Don't touch me." "Holy water!" "Liberates your soul." "Don't worry, I'm not taking your girl away nor am I going to feed you." "Excuse me..." "I'm talking to you." "I'm... sorry, I'm six years older to you, show me some respect." "What's your problem?" "Same?" "Same old... what will people say?" "I don't think so." "If you cared for people, you wouldn't let her be single for 34 years." "So, what will people say is not your problem." "You don't care for others." "Maybe you care for your daughter." "Yes?" "Worried about your daughter?" "Alcoholic, gambler, wastrel, hopeless ... I'm none of those lf you are worried about what'll happen to her after I die..." "I'm insured." "She'll be taken care of." "No problem." "Then what's your problem?" "No, don't... what's your problem?" "What's your problem?" "What is the problem?" "That, I am 30 years older to her?" "Old women now are marrying young boys." "We're not breaking norms, we're following traditions." "No problem there at all." "So, is the real problem my age?" "I'm over 21 years old." "Perfectly legal marriageable age." "No problem there at all." "I'm 64 years old, I'm..." "Hey, is that your problem?" "64 years?" "What is age, after all?" "This... this?" "Body doesn't determine a man's age, mind does. lt's all in the bloody mind." "And anyway, a man grows old when he is no more interested in living." "I've just begun to love life, so me being 64 is not a problem." "Sixty-four years is not a problem." "Please tell him to go." "What?" "What?" "Drink some water and say clearly whatever you have to say." "If you speak clearly, I'll hear clearly." "Common sense." "Could common sense be your problem?" "No, common sense can't be your problem." "Because you do have the sense that if you don't drink water, you will die." "If you die, you will leave your daughter's hand." "Two hours... people will mourn for only two hours." "People don't have much time nowadays." "Everyone will go home." "I'll be the only one staying back to hold your daughter's arm." "Damn." "That much common sense you do have, hundred percent." "Actually, could jealousy be your real problem?" "Actually" "Come to think of it, your problem is envy." "You are jealous." "Just plain, simple jealous." "Your philosophy of old age was prayers, good and Bhaji." "The thought of us together messed up your brains... how can somebody's old age be so colourful!" "It made you jealous, yes?" "That's it." "That's your problem You are jealous." "That's his problem." "His problem is that he is jealous." "Don't dare touch me!" "The man is plain and simple jealous." "Jealous means?" "You are doing what every man who is jealous of beauty does." "Trying to destroy beauty." "You thought, how can an old man be so happy when I am myself ruing old age!" "Of course, you are jealous." "You are just jealous." "Get up and drink some water." "I can see everything clearly now." "C'mon, drink some water." "Jealousy makes one blind." "Gandhiji's Satyagraha benefitted the country." "This melodrama of yours will only put your daughter in a loss, nothing else." "You think if I go away she will marry someone else?" "She won't." "Wanna bet?" "She'll grow up but she'll still be single, only because of yourjealousy." "Three seconds..." "it takes only three seconds to marry." "Where's the vermillion?" "Here it is." "Shall I apply it?" "Shall I?" "See?" "To keep you alive, she is killing herself." "And here you are..." "are you her father?" "Sure?" "What a father!" "You are going through so much to snatch your daughter's life." "Dammit!" "You can't be her father." "He is not her father." "What an acidic tongue!" "Like mine." "Stop the car." "My lonely, lost eyes..." "Look for you..." "Madly" "When will you come, asks my soul..." "Madly I'm here," "where are you?" "Listen to my cries." "That's why I always tell you to go to the gym." "Don't you become a vegan." "Greens, you left your chutney, didn't you?" "Where are you?" "Qutub." "I'm coming." "Did the old man agree?" "Wonderful." "I could die for this." "A spell is cast." "A wedding is happening here." "Sexy has left us, Buddha." "She's gone." "She's gone, Buddha." "Just five minutes back." "What happened?" "Ma..." "I want Sexy." "Ma, please help me." "Ma, please help me join my hands for Sexy." "My mistake, Ma." "I've done a huge mistake." "Ma, please help me." "I want Sexy." "I want Sexy." "I want her..." "I want Sexy, Ma." "Ma, I want Sexy." "Hey Greens" "Hey Noodles, give me company." "I know how much you love Sexy." "Why must you reduce that love to tears?" "These tears make the love fade away gradually." "Want to know how?" "Why do we cry?" "Because our heart is heavy." "Heavy-heavy..." "The heart is heavy because it's filled with love." "Shedding tears makes the heart light." "Why does it lighten the heart?" "Because the love in the heart... slowly and gradually goes out in tears" "The immense love that you have for Sexy, why do you want to wash it away in tears?" "You were happy that's why you are sad now." "So be happy-sad, not sad-sad." "I wish I could be Sexy." "You are very very... very sexy." "So are you..." "Sir..." " What?" "Kheema Bhare Salan Murg ka Pulao." "Good." "Uran?" "RAAN." " Oh, raan" "Where's Colgate?" " Colgate's gone to India" "Got a baby." "Sale raan..." " Swine" "Will you smile now?" "You are very lucky." "One is lucky to be served food by one's daughter." "But you are getting your son-in-law to serve food for you." "Tomorrow is India vs England, first test match." "At Lords... I got two tickets." "You don't like cricket." "Are you coming, Ma?" " Sure" "Lords...?" "The Mecca of cricket!" "I've been waiting for that game." "Cricket, yeah." "Can I go with you?" " Yeah, sure."