"Hurray, hurry, hard!" "Hard, hurry, hard!" "Yes, yes!" "Whoa, right off!" "What are you doing?" "You're freakin' me out." "Oh, sorry." "We're gettin' ready for curling season." "Oh." "I take it you're not a fan?" "No, I have never gotten into curling." "I find it kind of, I don't know..." "Dull?" "I suppose." "But more, um..." "Slow?" "Could you slip the word excruciating in there somewhere?" "I can see where it wouldn't hold the same level of intensity as muffin stacking." "But it has its moments." "It's just not my cup of tea." "It's more exciting than a cup of tea." "It may not be muffins, but it's more than tea." "Give it that much." "Fine." "It's less than muffins, but more than tea." "Was that so difficult?" "I don't even know what I'm saying." "Then our work here is done." "See ya." "Bye." "* You can tell me that your dog ran away *" "* Then tell me that it took three days *" "* I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say *" "* You think there's not a lot goin' on *" "* Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong *" "* And that's why you can stay so long *" "* Where there's not a lot goin' on **" "Step into this century, woman." "Get with it." "Get with it?" "Has Dad been watching" "He wants me to get rid of my lucky straw curling broom." "I like it." "It makes a thocka, thocka sound." "People don't take us seriously out on the ice" "What are you sayin'?" "We're losing our sheet cred?" "Dad, I'm proposing that you let me be skip this year." "I have some strategies I'd like to try out on the ice." "Strategies?" "There's no strategy in curling." "You just throw rocks." "Maybe that's why our team record with you as skip is..." "Wanda?" "Oh, ah, 2 wins, 87 losses, 1 tie." "The wins were by default and the tie was against Mrs. Carter's grade 3 class." "It's not about winning or losing." "It's about what kind of broom you have." "You can be skip of this team when you pry the broom out of my cold dead hands." "Any idea when that might be, Mr. Heston?" "Karen, I want to show you something." "The Clavet Cup." "Named after Archie Clavet, the greatest curler to ever come out of Dog River." "Some people say Archie Clavet could slide a cup of coffee down the length of the ice, draw it dead to the button, without spilling a drop." "Isn't that amazing?" "It's amazing that people go around saying that, yeah." "So what's this thing for?" "The winner of the annual Dog River Bonspiel." "It's our duty to guard it." "And who are we guarding it from, tin thieves?" "Everyone." "People are always trying to grab it and touch it and put their glommy mitts on it and have their pictures taken with it." "With this?" "You could go to any trophy store and get two of these for 10 bucks." "Not like this." "This was named after The Great Archie Clavet." "Some people say Archie..." "Important trophy." "Got it." "Fine." "But you're forcing me to quit Team Leroy and form my own new team, which I will call New Team Leroy or Team Leroy Two, or, uh, Team Leroy..." "The Next Generation." "There might be a copyright issue." "The name is not important." "What is important is that I'm striking out on my own." "Mom, will you come with me?" "I'm sticking with Oscar." "You dance with the one that brung ya." "Damn right." "No matter how disappointed you are in his dancing." "Damn right." "Fine." "Wanda, will you come with me?" "You rented Jerry McGuire last night, didn't ya?" "Yeah, I forgot to bring it back, too." "But regardless, will you come with me?" "I don't know, Brent." "Bear in mind, I sign your paycheque." "Fine." "I'll join your new team." "Aa-ah!" "Yes." "Thank you, Wanda." "You won't regret this." "Yeah, yeah, you complete me." "I've left Mom and Dad's rink." "I'm gonna skip my own rink in this year's bonspiel." "Really?" "That's cool." "Yeah." "So far it's me and Wanda." "Do you wanna be on my team?" "Oh, geez, thanks, Brent." "But that might not look right." "I mean I am in charge of the ice over there." "If I was on one of the teams, people might think" "I'd somehow use my ice pebbling abilities to sway the game." "And, frankly, I wouldn't blame them." "I think you're being paranoid." "Hank can't be on your team." "He works at the rink." "He could pebble the ice in your favour." "How can you say that?" "Frankly, I'm hurt." "Just for that, I'm gonna join Brent's team." "So there." "I'm not exactly sure what just happened, but you're on my team now, right?" "Yeah." "And, frankly, I don't..." "Stop saying frankly." "You might even say that the very spirit of Dog River is carried in this cup." "Cup A Spirit." "Gotcha." "I'd let you guard it, but it's a pretty big job and I just don't know if you're ready." "No offence." "You don't think I'm a good enough cop to guard a tin bucket?" "And that offends you?" "Hello." "Oh, hi, Emma." "Really?" "Oh, you bet." "Thanks, Emma." "Look, Karen, I'm sorry I offended you." "You're right." "You're a good cop." "You deserve a shot at guarding the Clavet Cup." "Thanks, Davis." "I don't actually want to guard the cup." "It was just the principle." "No, no, no, no." "You were right, I was wrong." "The job is yours." "The bonspiel is on Saturday." "Bring the cup down to the rink around noon." "Fine." "I will guard your precious cup." "Where ya goin'?" "A special assignment." "I'm glad you could join the team, Davis." "My pleasure." "I've wanted to play in this bonspiel for years." "Okay, Davis replaces Brent." "But who replaces Wanda?" "Could Karen join?" "A special assignment." "Who's she talkin' to?" "Myrtle Runsman." "Hopefully she'll be our new fourth." "Well, you take care, Myrtle." "You just follow doctor's orders and you'll be walking around in no time." "Our prayers are with you." "So she's in?" "No, she's not in." "She just got her hip replaced." "Good gravy." "That woman is forever gettin' new hips." "As soon as new model comes out, she's gotta have it." "Well, I think she's hooked on the painkillers." "And the moon farthest from Jupiter has a cave on it." "So there's no reason to bring a tent." "Come on, think." "There's gotta be one other woman." "They're either already on a team, out of town, or breaking in new body parts." "Come on, think." "We just need one other woman." "Anybody will do." "She doesn't even have to be any good." "Lacey?" "Can you think of anyone?" "No." "It beats me." "Oh, I gotta get back to work." "Lacey!" "We could get Lacey!" "Don't look at me." "I don't work here." "No, wait." "Gimme 10 bucks." "They'll, uh, ring it in later." "Lacey, we want you..." "Nice try, kid." "We were here first." "Too late, Buddy Boy." "Aw, Lacey, you don't wanna do this." "You'll be miserable." "If you throw better than Emma, she gets all pouty puss." "And if you throw lousy, Oscar calls you a jackass." "And the two of them together are complete a... competitors." "And for various non-specific reasons, you do not want to be on their team." "What team?" "Geez, we haven't asked her." "Would you be on our curling team?" "We win." "She belongs to us." "I don't belong to anybody." "She's still a free agent." "Up the ante." "Ah, would you be on our team," "Good ante." "I don't know why you guys want me to play." "I don't know anything about curling." "Well, except that it involves sweeping and..." "I do enough cleaning around here." "Well, right there, Lacey." "That's why, that irrepressible sense of humour you have." "We think you're funnier than Really?" "Yeah." ""I do enough cleaning around here" because it's sweeping." "Wow." "Thank you." "Gosh, I'm really glad you enjoyed it." "Ah, I still don't know anything about curling." "Well, what's to know?" "You throw rocks and try to get them in the houses." "Throwing rocks at houses?" "Is that legal?" "Ah, I'm gonna think about it." "I can't do this." "Keep laughing'." "Okay." "Rocks at houses." "Where do you come up with this stuff?" "Okay, Brent's gone." "So, Emma, you throw third stones." "Davis, you throw second." "All right!" "Are you sure, Oscar?" "Third requires touch and finesse." "I play a take out game." "So?" "Practice your finesse." "Just cozy one up to the button." "Ease up, Emma!" "Ooh, is that the Clavet Cup?" "Yeah, I think that's what he called it." "Cool." "Can I touch it?" "Why do you wanna touch it?" "Just once, please?" "Let me touch it." "I don't think I'm supposed to..." "I'll wipe my hands off." "I'll give ya 10 bucks." "Do you know what the phrase "ease up" means?" "Do you know what the phrase "shut up" means?" "Oh, Oscar." "The madder Emma gets, the stronger she gets." "She's like The Hulk." "The what?" "The Hulk." "He's a super hero." "Is he stronger than Superman?" "No." "Well, some would argue that." "What about that spider guy?" "My point is, if you want Emma to throw softer, try being nice to her." "Compliment her." "Yeah, trick her." "Good one, Davis." "There you go." "What's this?" "Some money I owe ya, for my tab." "Oh, wow." "Thanks, Hank." "It's about half of what you owe, but..." "Half now, half when you agree to play with us." "Wait a second." "You got any of those great curling jokes?" "Brent says you got a million of 'em." "Curling?" "The game or what you do with your hair?" "The game." "Now you got any jokes or not?" "Good draw, Ma." "Nice touch." "Thanks." "What the hell is he doin' here?" "Scram!" "Fine." "I'll scram." "But I'll see you on the coloured circles." "That didn't sound as menacing as I wanted it to." "Why are you fraternizing with the opposition?" "I mean... your hair looks great." "What?" "Are you losing weight?" "What are you up to?" "What makes you think I'm up to somethin'." "The last time you complimented me Brent was born." "The Clavet Cup?" "Is that the real Clavet Cup?" "Oh, no, it must be a fake." "It's the real one, I think." "Oh, let me hold it." "Geez Louise!" "The Clavet Cup!" "Ow!" "Sorry, Wes, I have my orders." "I just want to take a picture of you and the cup." "The cup and me?" "Hi, you guys." "I've thought about this for a long time." "I know this isn't easy for you." "Just tell my folks you'll play on our team." "They won't be hurt." "I've decided to play on their team." "Well, that hurts." "They asked me first." "I think that I should show them that loyalty." "They'd show me the same loyalty." "I want my half of the tab back." "You owe me that money." "You got it under false pretences." "You ate food and didn't pay for it." "Don't change the subject." "Ooo, that's a nice one." "I look strong and authoritative, yet still soft and feminine, don't ya think?" "My arm hurts." "Good pictures, Wes." "But, uh, duty calls." "Actual duty." "I'm not just gonna go to the bathroom." "Can I get one more with the Cup?" "Sure." "Hey, Guys." "Good news." "I've decided to join Team Leroy." "The first generation or the next generation?" "You guys." "That's great, Lacey." "Welcome aboard." "I'm ready to do some sweeping." "Maybe some mopping and dusting too." "We only need her for the day." "Keep laughing at her jokes." "It is just so good to feel wanted." "Here I am!" "Hey, Myrtle, you're outta bed." "Thanks, Lacey, we don't need ya anymore." "Oh." "Wow." "I really missed the mark on the loyalty thing." "And your jokes aren't funny." "Hey, Karen." "Where's the Clavet Cup?" "Yesterday I was with Wes and I just turned away for a second." "Ah, you lost it, didn't you?" "You lost the Clavet Cup." "I didn't lose it." "I'm unable to ascertain its whereabouts at this juncture." "I taught you police mumbo-jumbo." "Don't try it on me." "Oh, this is fun." "I'm so glad I decided to be on your team." "Lacey, we know you're only over here because you got dumped for Morphine Myrtle." "Well, I still like being on a team." "All right." "So I'll be skipping." "Skipping?" "What, you're not gonna show up?" "Get it, skip?" "You guys don't like jokes either?" "Oh, we like jokes." "We're all for jokes." "Did someone tell a joke?" "I love jokes." "Don't let your lousy policing skills get you down." "Everybody does something completely moronic now and then." "Ah, you're just being nice." "But it's the Clavet Cup." "Everybody loved Archie Clavet." "Nobodydy loved Archie Clavet." "He was a liar, a thief, a racist, and a bigamist." "But you said he was great and well respected." "No, I said he was a great" "You gotta respect that." "Have a heart!" "Have a heart!" "I think you mean "hurry, hard"" "or is this another one of your hilarious jokes?" "No." "I thought it was "have a heart. "" "Maybe you should shout internally." "Okay, before you make this shot, I just wanna say... that shirt really brings out the green in your eyes." "35 years of marriage and he doesn't even know my eyes are blue." "Why is Brent shaking hands with the other team?" "Another strange curling ritual?" "Yeah, a weird ritual called "We lost"." "The whole tournament?" "Oh, geez." "I'm sorry, you guys." "I guess I didn't help much." "You bounced every rock off the side." "I thought it was like shuffleboard." "You did your best, Lacey." "But you're no drug addicted old broad straight outta hip surgery." "Check the drawer beside my desk." "Did you find them?" "Yeah." "But I don't understand." "I lost a couple, too, over the years." "So I bought extras." "You can get two for 10 bucks." "Now get back here." "The final's about to start." "Hey, you guys." "Good luck in the final." "I hope you win the Clavet Cup." "Oh, look, Captain Strategy." "I just had an idea that might help Mom." "She doesn't want your help." "I wanna hear what he says." "Dad, why don't you throw third stones and let Mom clean up?" "I'm the skip." "The skip throws last." "Everybody knows that." "The skip is just the leader of the team." "The rules allow you to throw third and still be skip." "Are you sure, or are you just screwing with his head?" "Either way's fine by me." "Although uncommon, it is allowed." "Just ask Alberta's Randy Furby and Dave Nedohin." "Yeah, you can do that." "That's what we do and we've won three briers." "Absolutely not." "It's worth a shot." "It's worth a shot." "But I'm in charge." "Well, Captain Strategy has many more people to assist." "Godspeed, citizens." "*" "Ohhh!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Good goin', Davis." "Emma just has to make this shot and they win the game." "I know." "I've been sitting here watching the whole thing with you." "Yes." "But this information is helpful to me and anyone else who hasn't been able to observe the entire match." "Yeah." "So to summarize, if Emma makes this shot, Oscar and Emma win the Clavet Cup, which will be the dramatic conclusion to these events." "Did everyone get that?" "Just clean the house and we win." "Oh, it's a big takeout." "I don't think I have the strength anymore." "Your eyes look nice." "Your hair, have you changed it?" "No, Oscar." "You need to make her angry." "We need her strength." "I broke your new blender makin' homemade cement." "And your broom's stupid." "I did it!" "We won!" "Hey-hey-hey." "You did what to my blender?" "And the winner of this year's annual Dog River Bonspiel is the Leroy Rink." "The Old Generation." "It's not the Old Generation." "The First Generation." "My mistake." "So now we'll present the winning rink with the Clavet Cup." "Here it is, Clavet Cup, comin' through." "The Clavet Cup." "Wow!" "It looks brand new." "No, that's it, the real one." "No, it isn't." "I've seen it up close." "This isn't it at all." "I didn't lose it or anything." "You lost the Clavet Cup?" "Karen, how could you?" "Get her!" "Davis!" "Oh, is that the Clavet Cup?" "Someone left one just like that at The Ruby." "I use it in the kitchen." "You put bacon grease in the Clavet Cup?" "It was a mistake." "Get her!" "Yeah, get" "Oh, have a heart." "That's hurry hard." "Closed Captioning by" "Vertical" "* I don't know the same things you don't know *" "* I don't know I just don't know *" "* It's a great big place * full of nothin' but space * and it's my happy place" "* I don't know Yes you do *" "* You just won't admit it" "* I don't know the same things you don't know *" "Want to have a gas online?" "Visit us at cornergas. com" "* I don't know" "* I just don't know *"