"World-wide famous poet professor in his autumnal years looks for companion, partner, protector and friend young lover, delicate soul, exuberant, frank and beautiful spirit for sharing bed, meditation, apartment, help to beat the fury and the guilt of the world," "innocent as slave or master... deadly tender to the fast pace of time find me if you can, I'm here" "I'm here alone with the alone" "A YEAR WITHOUT LOVE" "April 26th, 1986" "April 26th" "I've spent all afternoon trying to write two ads for a magazine" "I didn't waste any time to write one of them" "I offered french classes, translations and PC work" "Good body" "It was the other one that really took me all afternoon" "What am I?" "What am I looking for?" "I wanted to seem like a masculine boy without specifying it," "I wanted my personality reflected in my speech without saying how I am" "At the end, I don't know if it's clear" "But it's done, I delivered it and it's going to appear just like that 30, 1,73, 70, skin head, good body." "I look for a manly, active, protective, well endowed friend of lover for stable relation and safe sex." "Let's see how its going..." "Lean over" "Take a deep breath" "Again" "Yo are a bit better" "Anyway, we should consider the posibility that you to stay in a hospital." "but not here." "If you wait me a minute I'll be back with an application" "What a mess, Pablito!" "I was about to get things in order but I got low blood pressure it must be the dye, no?" "maybe if you inhale some acetone remover." "Uh, It's so late!" "I've got to wash the dye away and I don't know what to wear." "It's OK, when I finish with the dishes I wll put everyting in order" "I don't know." "She was slept in the couch with the telephone" "Does she have any friend?" "Is she going out with anyone?" "I don't know." "I wish, we are not getting along at all lately" "Well, you will have to move out" "Ok, as soon as I get a husband that supports me I´ll do it" "If you continue lookng where you do!" "What are you doing with a book from Neruda?" "Don't know, maybe someone gave it to me" "The first poet I read was Neruda" "I read it with my aunt, I was 13 o r14" "Sounds fun!" "Let me see" ""Joy" "I was a taciturn young man" "I found out your hair was scandalous" "What's wrong with it?" "I like it!" "You like such things!" "At that time we used to play the game of the glass with my aunt" "Really?" "Well, I moved the glass!" "I wrote poems, I said I was Pablo Neruda from the further away" "Did she believe you?" "Yes!" "A couple times I told her it was me, but she refused to believe me." "Anyway you could tell it wasn't Nerudas's poems." "Yah!" "I can imagine." "What where they like?" "I don't know, some stupid thing" "But that was the way I started writing" "Thanks to my aunt" "Thanks to Neruda!" "Let's go dancing, be my guest!" "I had though of going to the movies" "The movies, the movies?" "Not, to the other one" "No, I pass, I'm inviting you to dance" "Come on!" "Lets go!" "June 15th" "I continue with this damn sickness, terribly porn" "I have a fungal infection in my crotch with the shape of a heart that I've tried to heal with propoleo, aloe vera and a green bolivian cream that got me erect" "and I believe it helped a bit" "My current concern is Luis" "I met him the day I went to the disco with Nicolás" "He took me to his house, and even insisted that I shoul spend the night" "But I didn´t want to" "What if I started coughing and awaked him?" "No, I don't like that movie!" "No, not that movie has bad energy" "But we agreed to call" "We were going to meet this afternoon" "I left him two messages but he didn't answer" "Yeah?" "No?" "Ah!" "They said it was a bad one" "What do you think?" "I'm waiting for a call" "If I got him sick?" "Yeah." "I must have got him the fungal infection and that's why he's not calling me" "OK dear, as you say, it's OK" "It's OK, it's OK" "Maybe it's better he doesn't call me" "No, look, you have to clean it" "No, don't wash it" "You have to heal it" "Yes, you have to put it three days in the terrace in a container with water and salt" "Yes, a container, a casserole, a deep plate" "No, not a tapper because it is plastic and very dirty" "Yes" "No, I can't go today" "On Tuesday, we'll go to the movies on Tuesday" "OK, I'll continue with the explanation" "Put it away from everybody, nobody has to touch it, OK?" "otherwise the energy get contaminated" "It is a talisman that will get useless" "For instance, I have it hanging" "But you can use it on the bro, I don't know, figure ti out" "Hang up, Hang up!" "Wait a second" "Ain't you listening to me?" "Hang up the phone!" "I'm waiting for a call." "Hang up the phone!" "I pay for the phone" "My dad pays for it" "My dad!" "Ungrateful" "With all the things I do for you!" "Faggot!" "90% off all the scandals on the streets where we stay are made by the sons of the well off families of Palermo that come here to molest us, to throw stones to us and shout us all sorts of things." "Why don't they complaint about it!" "It's our only way of living." "What do they want?" ",That we go out and steal?" "To kill people..." "Pablo Perez" "Cough" "Very well" "Again" "You have to get your CD4 up" "You will start taking AZT" "Eh, no I'm feeding well" "I'm having vitamines, health teas" "It doesn't depend only on alimentation." "You know that 300 is a limit value" "I won't take AZT" "Lets repeat the tests in a while" "Your defenses are very low and your lungs are not well" "You cannot wait." "You have to start treatment as soon as posible" "Look, not all the medics think as you do" "More that one was killed by giving him AZT" "What?" "I won't be your laboratory rat to see if you get the dosys right" "Take AZT to hang on" "Until when?" "Till a new drug appears that really cures?" "Take a pill to stay alive" "I prescribed myself Amoxidal and increased the dosis of Bach flowers" "When the magazine was published I received several calls answering the ad." "Let me explain you" "I'm a very, very pasionate guy" "Finally, I made a date" "I swear to you that if something I hat is to wake up in some other peoples house" "I love sex, but in my house and in my bed." "He wasn't handsome, but wasn't ugly either" "Do you agree?" "He looked most like an allien" "Let's go?" "Answer from submissive man to my ad 84087" " Let's go" " I'm short" "What?" "I'm short" "So?" "Lets go?" "Untill we got up he could have taken me anywhere" "I would have obeyed" "Hi, Pablito" "Hi, aunt" "Pablo, this is your father" "How is it posible!" "How the hell do I do to talk to you!" "If the line ain't busy this machine answers" "There are some spots in the x-rays" "You'll need to make some studies" "What kind of studies?" "A test to discard tuberculosis, a Computer Assisted Tomography and also a bronchial fibroscopy with a biopsy" "I'd like to solve the cough problem because..." "Don't worry about that" "This hospital is especialized on respiratory diseases" "You'd have to stay at the hospital a couple days" "But, is there a way to make it ambulatory, maybe in another hospital" "Yes, but it's not convenient to you we'd lose time coming and going" "Do you have a partner?" "No, I did when I lived abroad" "He was also infected" "He died a few months ago" "OK." "Shall we program it for next week?" "July 12th" "When Hervé died we were no longer together" "Today I remembered him dying" "Even when I didn't witnessed his agony" "Did he let him die?" "Was he affected by me leaving?" "What did he do with my things?" "Did he throw them away?" "Did he forgive me?" "Did he hate me?" "Did he ever loved me?" "I opened his notebooks" "I needed to know" "I only found my name next to a strange address" "I didn't see him suffering" "But now I can't stop imagining it" "I finish with some things and we have some drinks" "If you have told me I wouldn't come" "Why?" "I wanted to see you." "It's a little while and it be over." "Have a seat" "Are you leaving tomorrow?" "Yes, but instead of Rio they send me to Neuquen" "It's only a week, anyway" "Are you coming back on Sunday?" "Yes, no." "Monday, Monday evening" "How are you doing?" "Everithing OK?" "What have you brought me?" "Poems?" "No, some pages from the diary." "I'll leave them to you" "OK, coll, I'll read them later" "Something wrong?" "No, no, no" "Are you OK?" "Yes, yes Only some tests that went wrong" "Take a seat" "Hadn't you find a doctor that you liked?" "Yes, the one form the Ferrer hospital" "He want's me to stay in the hospital to make some tests" "What tests?" "I don't know." "A biopsy, a tomography and something else." "When are you going?" "I don't know if I'll go." "I don't really feel like it." "You have to do it Pablo." "I'll go with you" "It's on Monday" "So?" "Nothing." "You are out, I don't want you to change your plans" "What's the problem?" "I'll came back earlier" "It's just some tests Nothing to worry about" "OK, lets do it so" ""TICKETS"" "Take out your tongue" "Say a" "Lay down" "How do you do?" "No." "Stay put" "I brought you something to get entertained" "Ad 33036." "Franc spirit idealist looking for sharing pleasures sex, friendship, with masculine man up to 40" "Me, 30, 1.73 mts, 64kgs." "skinhead" "(HIV+)" "I published another ad" "I wanted to explain that "sexo seguro" means "safe sex" not "for sure we'll fuck"" "Wasn't as succesfull as the first" "Ah, look" "I imagine because I wrote HIV+" "Don't know, 1 cm" "Only one person answered, a hairdresser" "No, with a machine" "When I was a child, I loved to make braids to my little sister" "To gain some time, I started to answer other people's ads." "Who is this?" "Pablo" "I'm coming down" "OK" "I've just rang, I think he is coming down" "Pablo" "Yes" "I'm Juan." "How do you do?" "Here comes the sheriff" "We call Baez the sheriff" "Ah" "Hi, how are you doing?" "Hi, How do you do?" "You came together" "Yes, we already introduced ourselves" "OK, let's go upstairs" "Yes, let's go" "How lucky we found each other Don't you think, Pablo?" "Do you want something to drink?" "Yes, whisky or vodka if you have" "You know, Juan, Pablo has experience" "He frequented the leather bars in Paris" "Yes, some friends took me to a couple of them" "I lived for some time there" "Did you lived a long time in Paris?" "I lived..." "Three years" "And why did you come back?" "Some family matters" "There are very good leather bars in Paris" "The Chax, the Keller" "Where did you go?" "The Chax..., the Keller..." "No, I went to the Mec" "The Mecson, yes It was near where I lived" "Some bars are even better that the ones in San Franciso" "Really?" "I lived some years in San Francisco" "And why did you come back?" "As if I knew!" "I like to come and go" "He bring us toys..." "OK, Pablito, would you like to tell us what sort of things you like" "What are your limits, would you?" " Yes" " Yes, what?" "Yes, what?" "He doesn't know" "Yes, he does" "No, he doesn't know" "Yes, he does." "Yes Sir" "Come on, tell us" "OK, Pablito, if you don't stand something you can shout RED" "Is that clear?" "I think that my pasion for leather started in my childhood" "I always liked the super heroes their muscular bodies the tight suits, their masked faces" "they formed my ideal of strong and protective man" "Are you still giving classes in the gas company" "In the water company" "This month I'm gonna get only 220 pesos" "I had arranged 700" "The company pays three months and the French institute does not take responsibility" "On top of that I have to register for taxes, pay the social security..." "Did you go to the medic?" "I'm doing some tests" "Do you need money?" "If you can..." "This month, with the aunt, we still didn't finish paying the taxes" "I've being paying everything for three months now" "With the money you give me, of course" "I've been thinking.." "about the apartment, that maybe we could, given the location and the size of it maybe we could get a valuation" "I believe that with the money we get we could buy two one room apartments" "Not for the aunt, I do not have any problem with her" "Can we talk about this another time?" "Yes, sure." "You have to go?" "I have to go back to the office" "Let's go" "No, stay, stay" "I'll take care of the bill" "No, stay, stay" "I'll send you the money this afternoon." "OK?" "Do you have a dog?" "If you have a dog" "No, thats from a friend that brought it here and forgot it" "From this month on I will charge 30 pesos per class" "OK, I owe you 10 for the next one" "Augoust 31" "I have decided to start a new chapter because a value changed and it disturbs me" "CD4... 100" "That means that my defenses are so low that even an angina could kill me" "This month Saturn is over my house of health perhaps my feelings are wrong" "How do you do?" "OK" "I have the results from the tests, I wonder if you have a minute to look at them" "OK, I'll go look for your clinical history and I will receive you" " Have a seat, wait for me" " Thanks" "Well Pablo" "When will we start with the medication?" "Eh, look, Oscar" "I'm not taking AZT" "It's a pity, because the three drugs coctel is working" "Let's do this," "I prepare the papers for the medication because the process is going to take some time, meanwhile you think about it" "Reasons?" "For what?" "Why do yu live with your aunt?" "My mother lives in a rented apartment, very small" "She lives with my brother" "Actually, my aunt's apartmet is also mine" "You are the owner?" "No, no, not me." "My dad's" "Half and half, but my dad supports it" "My aunt has psicological problems" "She doesn't work" "How many brothers and sisters?" "Two" "My sister is dead" "Cause?" "Suicide" "Actually, my brother is half brother" "Salary?" "Eh, 100, 120..." "Total salary!" "That would be 320" "How you doing?" "Good afternoon" "How you doing?" "Good afternoon" "I'm sorry I'm a bit late" "No problem" "Your name was...?" "Pablo, Pablo Pérez" "Nicolás friend" "A while ago I had brought you some texts" "Poems" "Let me see..." "Here they are" "Yes, I have read these" "Interesting" "Very interesting" "But in this country poems do not sell, see" "It's so difficult for an argentine writer to publush poems!" "I write poems myself" "Perhaps you could be part of an antology with other writers" "But certeinly not this year" "But we'll have you present" "Eh..." "I'm writing a novel too" "Really?" "It's a diary, actually" "About?" "It's the life of a writer that have AIDS and..." "when he feels he's going to die starts writing his diary" "The life of a gay with AIDS..." "That could cause some interest" "From 300 to 500" "Juan..." "Sheriff" "Pablito what a surprise" "How are you?" "José Luis, Ricardo" "José Luis is the one that organized this" "Ah, How much is the ticket?" "Keep quiet that today it's on me" "Pablo is a writer and some day he will write the story of my life" "Won't you, Pablo?" "Do you want to go to change?" "OK" "Go with him" "Hello" "Everyting OK?" "Can I?" "Yes" "What, you won't share?" "Really?" "You, Juan" "Sheriff" "And that guy?" "Martín?" "He is one of Báez lovers" "He's very well" "Sort of" "I've been with him once" "But he's not your type" "Why?" "Maybe in a couple years maybe he will turn a little more interesting" "Maybe you like him for yourself?" "Don't you know the sheriff at all?" "I'm gonna go round to take a look" "In this plane we found three negative states this is crazy" "Take, open it" "Do you have Martín's number?" "No, I don't have Martín's phone number" "But if you want I can give you his email address." "The glasses?" "Down there" "Pablo, you know that the sheriff doesn't like this things, do you?" "it's ok sharing lovers, as long as he is present but, he shouldn't find out" "What will you tell me?" "That he was in jail, that he beated his wife?" "that whole story?" "That's what they say." "How did you know?" "Anyway, he doen't need to find out" "As far as I know, Martín is interested in guys about 50 or older" "It's OK, if you don't want, just don't give it to me and that's it" "Ough, OK, Pablito, OK Pablito" "I'll look for my notebook and i'll give you the email address" "But, do you have a way to send it?" "Yes, yes, I'll manage" "OK, write it down before I regret" "I'm already regreting" " Come on" " Do you have...?" "Yes masterinboots, boots from the english word boots, double oo, t, s" "Where do I plug the cable?" "Anywhere" "It doesn't connect" "I'm coming" "That smells good" "What?" "A great smell is coming from the kitchen" "Try it, tell me if it's OK" "It's spicy, isn't it, I overdid pepper" "No, it's OK, it's hot, but tasty" "Lacks some salt, there it conected." "It obeys only your commands" "It's slow, you have to wait" "Whom are you writing to?" "To Martín" "Who?" "Martín." "A guy I met at the leather club party" "You didn't tell me anything!" "Didn't tell you?" "No" "No, because nothing happened yet" "OK, hurry up that dinner will be ready in ten minutes" ""Master, I allow me to write you to tell you that I need discipline..."" ""Slave "Your deductive logig works pretty well." ""I'd love to have my boots real shining." "When you call me (798 0106), you will introduce yourself saying:" "I'm your slave, sir"" "Hello" "I'm your slave sir" "Who?" "I'm your slave, sir" "Hi, how are you doing?" "Longing to be at your feet" "OK, OK, but first a few questions" "Who gave you my address?" "A friend" "A friend who?" "Juan" "Juan." "Juan the hyena?" "Yes" "Yes what?" "Yes sir!" "Yes sir" "Are you alone?" "Yes" "And how are you?" "Are you lying down, in the bed?" "How are you?" "I'm on my feet" "On your feet, very well, now on your knees" "Yes" "Told you on your knees!" "Are you?" "Yes, yes, yes sir" "Yes sir, very good" "Now take care of my boots" "I'm not listening to you!" "I'm not listening" "OK, stop it." "We'll meet next Thursday in a bar near Retiro" "How do I recognize you?" "Actually, we've already met" "You are Pablo, from the leather club." "Aren't you?" "Yes" "How did you do the other day?" "Fine, but I would have loved getting those whipping" "Ah!" "You like to spy on people" "A little" "I'd like to have you here now, tied up to a tree" "How I wish I were there!" "Where are you?" "in the backyard, enjoying a bit of the hat whether" "I don't care how far we are." "I can go!" "No, no, dont." "I live with my parents" "Ahh!" "Well, but I'm going downtown on Thursday anyway" "I'll be free at about 10" "We can meet if you want" "Yes, yes, yes, whatever you like" "OK, hold on that I'll go find something to write" "OK" "AZT, three in the morning, two at night five each twelve, eight and eight" "nine and nine eight and eight" "Do they call it coctel to make it attracktive?" "That one imagines a delicious nectar in a crystal glass with two cherries?" "Just seeing the DDI tablet get me nauseous" "Yesterday I waited 15 minutes untill it completely got disolved" "I tried to drink it with different sodas and juices to make it more pleasant" "But I think it dissolves quicker in water" "It's funny, but I love the AZT tablets" "They are just like a 90's masterpiece" "A riding unicorn welcomes me" "October 9th" "The appointment date finally came" "Today I woke up early ready to start a new life" "I'm tired of suffering because of my weak health" "I decided to start with a macrobiotic breakfast" "That I took form a naturist magazine" "I want to keep a healthy diet, feel strong." "I went to a dietitian store and bought drinks in the supermarket" "I arranged, cleaned, and shined things and even got my aunt out of the apartmtment" "Then I prepared a Valeriana and Quirquincho tale tea a mixture that had already proved good before, helps to make easier to wait and calm anxiety while estimulates sexual arousement" "Good" "Do you live alone?" "Yes, sort of" "Have a seat" "Would you like something to drink?" "Coke, or vodka or..." "Or what?" "Or whisky" "No." "Vodka, Vodka" "Great" "OK, I will turn on..." "It's hot, isn't it?" "What's up?" "What do we do?" "Eh?" "Bring something" " Where do I change?" " Over there" "When I come back I want tho find you there in the corner" "Yes, sir" "If he were thinking about me as much as I do think about him he would have called me several times" "I'd like to get out to buy something to eat" "But if he calls me while I'm out?" "Is this love?" "I even feared for this diary" "At least it's a relief I can go on as long as Martín doesn't call me" "And I hurry up because I suspect that if I fall in love" "I wouldn't be able to go on writing this that tries to be, on top of everyting, a diary about the seach for love, lost of love, of desire and fear to the death." "What am I writing?" "Pure bullshit!" "I don't know what else to write in order to distract me" "Hi, Pablo, this is the sheriff I have something for..." "Hi" "Hi, Pablito" "How do you do?" "Wanting to see you" "Yes, I have a lot of work these days" "And what were you doing right now?" "Told you." "Working" "You could tell me something more" "Something wrong with me?" "No, No" "No, sorry" "I'm translating an article for a french magazine" "Yeah?" "What is it about?" "Some stupid thing" "Some instructions for getting a boyfriend" "A female magzine, for me, for you..." "No, not for me, Pablito, but sounds interesting." "And?" "Did you met someone lately?" "No, I told you, I have a lot of work" "On top of that, I'm a bit sick" "I think I'm going to bed now" "If you want I can do some treatment to you..." "Do you?" "You could also rest a little from work" "No, really, I've got to finish this for Friday" "Really" "It's a pity, because I wanted to show you some stuff I brought from the trip" "And I bought you a present" "Really?" "Look, I'm not feeling well, really" "Don't be upset but today I'm not good company for anyone" "You know very well it's not like that" "I like very much being with you" "Besides, I have a real surprise" "And you are going to like it" "What surprise?" "You'll know if you come" "OK, I'll take a shower and I'll be on my way" "I'll be waiting" "So good you came, Pablito!" "You know Martín, don't you?" "Yes" "Well, wait for me while I change" "Did you tell him?" "I wanted to find you like this!" "Martín!" "Still!" "The right or the left one?" "The left one!" "Very good, the little slave Very good" "Very good!" "Now you will have your prize or you already want to leave?" "Everything OK?" "You'll stay?" "Won't you?" "Hey!" "What?" "Bye" "Bye" "The values remain stables we continue the treatment" "Come to see me in three months" "You do the tests and then you bring me the results" "OK?" "" "OK" "Thanks" "December 31st" "This morning Martín called while I were working" "I thought everything had faded with him" "And I still think so and that he only called me to fuck with the excuse of the happy new year" "A year without love?" "Come on, hurry up that my old man is waiting for us!" "Hurry up!" "Take this!" "What are you doing with that!" "Take it out!" "What?" " Take it out!" "You filthy..." "How can you p..." " But that is for twelve o'clock!" "How can you put a panty together with the food!" "It's for good luck!" "Leave it there!" "Take it out because I throw it!" " Ah!" "Ok!" " Take it out!" " You want to fuck my year!" " Yes, I want to fuck your year!" " Come on, it's late, late, very late!" " OK, Don't you see that is a new pan..." "Everything remains the same" "None of my predictions will became real this year" "Nothing bizarre happened" "Unless of course the fact that I have to continue living like something exotic" "A YEAR WITHOUT LOVE AIDS diary" "Pablo Pérez" "HIV Positive" "Leave it, leave it!" "Stop, pablo" "They do it to sell more" "It's always like that, it's in the contract it's only the cover it's your novel inside" "I know why you are like that because they draw you an ugly lady" "I look like a woman!" "Ah, see, I knew it!" "Come on, I invite you dinner to celebrate" "Pablo, this is Juan" "I saw your novel in the library" "Very nice the drawing in the cover!" "Congratulations!" "Call me" ""... my aunt Nefertiti, that I dare call her Nefritis in the intimacy of my writing..."" "Yes, Maceio" "Hold on a moment" "Have a seat if you want" "Dad, what are you doing here?" "Something happened?" "Something happend to the aunt?" "No, I came to talk to you" "Your aunt is in my house" "She is very upset" "And I am very disapointed" "Why?" "You know!" "I am surprised you could do something like that" "Why did you have to talk about family matters?" "What family?" "It's my story!" "It's my life, no one name appears" "Besides, you..." "Look, we... we helped you as much as we could" "Pablo..." "And with all that happened to us!" "He's looking for you" "I'm leaving" "Yes, yes, sorry" "When I come back tonight, I don't want you to see you here" "This is Nicolás house, please..." "Hi, Hi!" "Hi, I'd like to talk to Juan" "Pablo" "Ah, Ok, no, nothing important" "No, no I'll call him later " "Thanks" "Julia, this is Pablo" "OK, I phoned you to call off tomorrow's class" "I'm moving and..." "No, I still don't know" "I'll call you as soon as I know" "No, no, I'll call you" "Bye" "TICKETS" "Good night one ticket for the show and for the wardrobes" "Thanks"