"You can have anything you want." "It's yours for the taking." "But we've been conditioned to think that this isn't fair somehow." "That that's taking something away from someone else, right?" " Right." " Right." "Wrong." "The bounty of the universe is without limits." "What exactly is Beauty Vision anyway?" "Oh, it's a personalized life-management system." "It sounds kind of culty." "Everybody wants a better life." "Shit, two years ago, I was living out of my fucking car." "He told me the first time we went out he was going to marry me." "It was unbelievably romantic, and now I have this beautiful baby." "And that's what Beauty Vision is." "It's a way of seeing the world without fear." "Now, these new territories are gonna go so fast." "The franchise fee is $45,000." "Sign me up." "Are you really ready for this?" "Fuck, yeah." "Well, welcome to Beauty Vision." " Your husband is gorgeous." " Thank you." "He spends an hour on the StairMaster every day." "Jesus." "Is that blood?" "Shit!" "He must've hit his head on the bottom of the pool." "Chandler!" "Oh, my God." "Wake your tired ass up, sleepyhead." " What's for breakfast?" " Me, stupid." "Now, which one of you is the wife?" "No, no, keep going." "Keep going." "I'm kind of curious as to how this works." "No breakfast?" " Why'd you let me sleep late?" " I didn't have the heart to wake you." "You looked so relaxed, which I don't see that often." "Today's the reading of Dad's will." "You know about that." "It'll all be over real soon." " Thank you for sleeping over." " You snore." "Don't forget about the meeting tomorrow night." "You think I'd miss a meeting of gay police and firemen?" "You'll like these guys." "They're cool." "I'll pick you up around 7." "We'll grab a bite to eat." " Call me before you head over." " So you can weasel your way out of it?" "I never know when I'm gonna have to work, Keith." "This is a busy time for us." "A lot of people hold on for one last Christmas, and then bye-bye." "I always thought shiatsu was more intense than this." "Oh, it'll get there." "I'm just trying to find out where you're wounded." "Wounded?" "I got stabbed in the thigh with a BIC pen once." "I wasrt speaking literally." "Oh, here's a good one." "Old, but recently reopened." " You're so full of shit." " Well, we're all wounded." "We carry our wounds around with us throughout life and eventually, they kill us." "Things happen that leave a mark in space, in time, in us." "I'm sure this is all very deep and profound but you know, I get enough depth at home." "You're supposed to be my haven away from all that." "I'm not supposed to be anything." "Morning, Dave." "Arert those the same clothes you had on yesterday?" "Everything I own looks alike." "I sense you're not being completely honest with me, Dave." "Have you changed any since you were 1 4?" "Hey, I'm all for you getting laid, believe me." "Morning." "You gotta try these." "They're hydroponic." "Grown in water." "I know the guy who grows them." "He's a big supplier to the co-op." " So my peaches are no good?" " What?" "No, they're fine." "Mr. Hickey wants us there on time for the reading of the will." "We should all go in the same car." "Great, I have to miss another day of school?" "What am I, some poor Victorian waif, who has to stay hidden from view?" "Fine, go to school stay out all night, live in the streets." "See if I care." "Was she like this growing up?" "No, not really, but she was well on her way." "Morning." "You're looking spiffy in that suit, Dave." "That's so clever." "You're talking like the computer in the movie." "Wow, you're funny." "Have a hydroponic raspberry grown by a guy named Gunther who once slept with Stevie Nicks." "So, Dave, are you gonna tell us about her?" " Who?" " Oh, he's got a friend." " Are you and Jennifer back together?" " No." " Have you met someone else, Dave?" " Leave him alone." " Someone from outside your pod?" " Shut up, asshole." "Thank you, Claire." "Why are you still here anyway?" "Why don't you go back to Seattle?" "Because I would miss the joyful sense of belonging I get here." "I have no idea what kind of service he'd want." "Well, at this scale, it depends on who he was and how he saw himself." "The statement that he made with his life." "He was, like, so dynamic." "He had his own business." "Beauty Vision?" " From the infomercial?" " Chandler invented it." "Large scale." "I'll arrange viewings for tomorrow and the next day interment at Cedar Hill, service for 200." "Now, we should choose an appropriate resting vessel one that befits a man of his stature." "May I ask what kind of car your husband preferred?" "He drives a BMW." "Do you know which model?" "The biggest, fastest one." "I recommend the Titan Series." "Solid mahogany, pan-finished with burwood accents the same wood used in luxury automobile interiors." " It looks expensive." " Nine thousand." "It's more than just a casket." "It's a tribute, really." "Okay." " Are we finished?" " A major credit card to get us started." "Hi." ""I, Nathaniel Samuel Fisher, a resident of Los Angeles County, California declare this to be my last will and revoke all former wills and codicils." "First, to my wife, Ruth I leave all bank accounts, stocks and bonds that are in my name." "That's in addition to the life insurance." "Second, I bequeath the company, Fisher  Sons Funeral Home and all real property and business interest attached as follows:" "Fifty percent to my son David James Fisher and fifty percent to my son Nathaniel Samuel Fisher Jr."" "What?" "What, was he high?" "Why would he do that?" "David." " Wow, I guess I don't even rate." " No, he set up a trust for you." "David." "Hey, wait, David." "David, David, David, I don't want it." "Well, excuse me while I go contemplate the irony of that." " What's my recourse here?" " Recourse?" "Your entire college education is provided for." " So I don't get anything." " You get education, Claire." "A privilege that not everyone gets." " What if I don't wanna go?" " You need it these days not just to succeed, but to survive." "Okay, spare me the tough-love rationalization, just bottom-line it, please." "Should you decide not to go, the money will become available to you when you're 25." "So this is like blackmail from beyond the grave." "What in the hell was Dad thinking?" "Is this some sick joke?" "It's Fisher and Sons." "You're the sons." "Mom gets half a million in life insurance which is fair, but I have strings attached?" " Let's not talk about what's fair." " Have my half." "No, your father knew exactly what he was doing." "He wanted everybody happy, and we will be happy." "I guess what I want is totally irrelevant." "Dave, listen, this is all wrong." "It should be yours, or yours and Mom's." "I really don't wanna discuss it now." "Maybe I'll move to Florida." "That's ridiculous, Mom, and it's not helping." "You're adults, and Claire will be leaving next year." "Yeah, to join the Marines." "I wanna learn to kill, kill, kill." " Is that Mr. Swanson?" "How does he look?" " Easy." "Head split open, some scalp work." "Hair extensions to cover the stitches, maybe." "You guys are in my way." "Mrs. F." "Vanessa called." "We got a fresh one at Bay Breeze." " Pick it up." "I'll get Swanson." " No, I still gotta finish Mrs. Huffington." " Federico, her viewing is at 3:00." " Yeah, well, she's majorly jaundiced." " Crank up the pink spots over her casket." " David, the woman looks like a banana." "I don't airbrush her, the family will freak." "You wanna put her out like that, then take my name off the certificate." "Nate, I need you to pick up a body at Bay Breeze Nursing Home." " I don't know how." " Put him on a gurney put the gurney in the car take the elevator, put him in the freezer." "You think you can handle that?" "You own half the business now." "Start pulling your weight." "News flash, other people exist!" "Hey, give me 20 minutes." "I'll go with you." "Thanks." "So did Dad ever say anything to you that might explain why he would do this?" "Like, "By the way, Federico, I've lost my fucking mind."" "It's a good business." "Steady." "He was still pissed at me for not going into it but what does he think, he can force me?" "Maybe he was pissed at Dave." "Hey." "You wanna go to a thing tonight?" "I'm not in the mood for a thing, Gabriel." "Come on, don't go through this alone." "Fat chance, it's like I got a sign on my head that says, "Freak with the dead dad."" "And like all these people, who are so tragic, even knew him." "I met your dad once." "Remember, he buried my grandmother Alice." "Why are you talking to me?" " What, you think I'm a jerk?" " Yes." "You know you're different now." "I can see through walls." "Don't your skanks need to be walked?" "I wanna see you." "Mrs. Fisher?" "I'm Matthew Gilardi." "Do you have a moment?" " Did David mention me, by any chance?" " I don't think he did." "Well, I thought I'd drop off the details of our buyout offer so you could look it over." "The terms are quite generous." "Especially the stock options." "Who are you to buy us out?" "I never saw you before in my life." "I represent Kroehner Service International." "A chain?" "Kroehner is a family of quality death-care facilities, Mrs. Fisher." "We have a 157 units in Southern California and we're inviting you to be 158." "You should discuss the situation with your son David." " I have two sons." " Really?" "I was only aware of one." "I know how many sons I have, Mr. Gilardi." "Yes, ma'am." "Just look at the numbers." "I'll let myself out." "Morning." "How are you folks today?" "Don't expect to be popular." " Hey, baby." "Nate, look at you." " Look at you." "Four-and-a-half months, this one wants out already." " Mr. Suarez all ready to go?" " Yeah, but, honey, we got a problem." "My sister can't pick up Julio from school." "She got another callback from that cat-food commercial." " What about my career, huh?" " Come on." "I can't do it, not today." "David's head would explode." "Nate, you ought to remind your brother how many clients I have referred to you guys from here and tell him to cut Rico some slack." "No, no, no." "You won't." "Rico, go." "I'm the new boss, right?" "Okay, but I'm telling Dave you said I could." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "I can do this." "I just need some help getting him onto the gurney." "You can touch him if you wear one of these." "Believe me, he won't mind." "All right, pull the bed back." "Line it up with the gurney." "All right." " Okay." " That good?" "Yeah, take this off for a second." "Okay." "All right, grab his shoulders." "On three." "Ready?" "One, two, three." "Angel lust." " Does that happen a lot?" " A fair amount." "You can be dead, but you're never really dead." " Hello." " So I've been thinking." "We skipped way too many steps." "We need to have a first date." "Okay." "I'm at Pinot Hollywood, Know where that is?" " You mean right now?" " Yeah," "I'd love to, but I've got a dead body in the car with me." "I can certainly understand why you wouldn't want to get away from that." "Come on, just a glass of wine, 15 minutes." "The dead guy won't mind." " Do me a favor, keep it out of the sun." " Yeah, sure." "I had forgotten." "They make these noises." "The air comes out." "It's like:" "No." "Dad knew that I hated this whole fucked-up business." "He should respect that." "Well, poor Dave, I'd be pissed too." "Although, he does seem to take it to this extra, Old Testament level." "So does this mean you're not going back to Seattle on Sunday?" "Fuck." "Okay, don't think about it." "Tell me about yourself." "Like this is our first date and we never had sex before you knew my name." "You mean the recap of major life events told in a humorous and self-deprecating way which almost always gets me laid?" " No." " Why not?" " I'm not that guy with you." " Who are you?" "I don't know, somebody new." "It's because of your father." "You're with me at your most vulnerable." "You felt comfortable." "You felt really accepted." "You always analyze guys on the first date?" " Only if they're interesting." " Oh, so you think I'm interesting." "Yeah." "I don't meet that many men with dead guys with hard-ons in their car." "When Mrs. Swansors credit card didn't go through, I ran a check and they were in debt up to their ears." "We have a $3200 Titan casket being delivered tomorrow." "Why didn't you tell me there's an offer to buy us out?" "I knew what you and Dad thought of Kroehner Service International." "You don't know what I think." "Not that it matters to you." "And Nate is not your enemy." "He'll do whatever you want." "Why do you say that?" "He spent his entire life doing what he wants." " Dad must've really hated me." " Hush." "It's Fisher  Sons." "That's gotta continue, and you're never gonna have kids." "Well, it's about time." "What took you so long?" " I stopped to eat." " I wish you'd called." "I think Mr. Suarez kind of shit himself." "Is that normal?" "Stopped to eat?" "Do you have any respect for human life?" "I have a huge respect for human life." "I didn't know they can take a dump!" " Well, they can." "Make a note." " I don't like this bickering." "Yeah, well, I don't like you sleeping with hairdressers." "Look, don't take this out on Mom." "What is it you wanna say to me?" "Well, there's a body that spent over two hours in a van unrefridgerated, decomposing at a rate much faster than you could ever imagine." "Thanks for making my life just that much more difficult." "Thanks for undermining my authority with our employees and thanks for making it clear that my choice to dedicate myself to this business and to this family was really stupid." "Apparently, I would have been rewarded just the same for wasting my life." "Oh, my life is a waste?" "Fuck you!" "At least I enjoy it." "Yeah, well, lucky you." " Dave, at least let me help." " You've helped enough!" "It's just not fair that my life is being decided by other people." "Hey, college is paid for." "They have great parties." "No student loans to pay off." "I'm not exactly a party person." "By the way, that shit you gave me the night my dad died, it really fucked me up." "I'm sorry about that." "You should be." "Just, why is college the only option?" "I don't even know what I wanna do." "I just feel like there's something inside me." "I'd just like to figure out what it is before I get completely reprogrammed." "Hey, nobody could reprogram you." "You're the most original girl in the school." "Come on, look at this car that you drive." "This face that you drive." " Thanks a lot." "Liar." " I'm serious." "You know how much guts it takes to be somebody like you?" "You can touch him if you wear one of these." "Believe me, he won't mind." "He won't care." "Who do you got there, David?" "Who is that?" "It's him?" "That's Mr. Bloomberg?" "Put him right down next to him there." "Oh, my goodness." "Yeah, you're okay, David." "Mom wants to see us." "I'm going on a hike with someone." "Okay." " Okay?" " I am not asking your permission, David." "I am your mother, how dare you!" "You both have private lives, and I know it." " Why shouldn't I?" " You should." "Go." "Excuse me, I need her to meet with Mrs. Swanson." "It's Fisher  Sons." "Well, this sucks." "I have to fight for a hole in the ground at Rosemont Cemetery or the Suarezes won't be buried together." "They'll be on opposite sides of the goddamn freeway." "Dave listen." "Can I do anything to help?" "Can you tell Adele Swanson we know she's broke and can't afford the funeral?" " Can you do that?" " I guess." "Yes." "The Swansons are con artists." "They ran a franchise pyramid scheme." "They have no money, and they're not gonna con us too." "I made some notes, in case you're not familiar with credit reports." "You know, I work with vendors, big ones, national ones." "I'm not a idiot." "I can do this." "Thank you." "Shit." "What?" "Do you have to be anywhere tonight?" "Not really." "The other Mr. Fisher recommended the $9000 coffin." "I didn't ask for it." "I think cremation is much more dignified." "And it's within range, given the financial situation." "Chandler created Beauty Vision." "We have franchises in 1 3 states and the nation of Uruguay." "How much did you know about your husband?" "Because he's been running up bad debts for some time." "We were always moving." "I thought it was because he was making so much money." "Each place was nicer than the last." "Former partners are suing him." "He had several credit cards maxed out run-ins with the IRS, dating to 1996 and Yale University would like him to quit telling people he went there." "This can't be happening." "I have a baby." "I can't go back to waitressing." "And now you're telling me that we can't even afford a coffin?" "What will people think?" "Mrs. Swanson, I'm sitting here thinking, "Why don't you rent it?"" " How much would that be?" " How much do you have?" "I don't know." "My ATM card's not working." "We'll work something out." "And afterwards, we'll give you his ashes in an urn." " You really loved him, didn't you?" " Yes." "Okay, it's okay." "It's all right." "Let it out." "I think it's good you told your boys about me." "Are you kidding?" "It was insane." "I certainly didn't choose to do it." "It just happened." "It was brave." "It was guilt." "I loved my husband." "I know you did." "Hiram, when I think of us now I feel like I'm watching the whole thing on some sex channel on cable TV." " Is that right?" " Yes." "And that my husband might be watching it too." "I want some changes made, I'll tell you that." "I'm not answering dead calls all night long anymore." "Let them hire somebody or sell the business or whatever." "I wanna take you somewhere, away from all this." " No." " They're adults." "They can take care of themselves." "I have two plane tickets to Costa Rica a week from Monday." "Separate rooms." "I was 19 when I got married." "I've never been on my own." "I wouldn't even know how." "I'm sorry." "You're a very kind person, and you've been good to me." "I'm sorry." "Goodbye." "Good choice of music." "It's from his car." "It's the last CD he ever heard." "Adele Swanson, your husband owes me $45,000." "He kept it all from her." "She's broke with a baby." "You'll leave her alone." " Who the fuck are you?" "!" " I own this place." " Get out before I call the cops." " You people suck." " What was that?" " Some freak Swanson owed money to." "Nate, I notice Mr. Swanson is in the Titan casket." "Yeah, but she's giving it back." "I made the deal for cremation." "They can't give it back." "By law, it has to be burned with him." "You just cost us $9000, you fucking moron." "What?" "How was I supposed to know that?" " I'm so sorry about your father." " Jennifer." "I was in Boca Raton." "My mom had to have her hip replaced." " Oh, dear, how is she?" " She's better, thanks." "So I didn't find out about Mr. Fisher till yesterday." "I'm just heartbroken about it." "I'll miss him." "Well, he adored you." "Oh, David, I won't be answering the phones anymore." "Okay." "Now every part of your body has a new meaning to me." " We should go." " Like your nose." " Come on." " And your little hands." "Hands I get." " And your toes." " It's ticklish." "Here, try these." "You can play with mine." " You're right." "Now I don't feel anything." " See, it's perfect." "Would you...?" " No, I'm embarrassed." " What?" "Would you rub it?" "Okay." "You're making my toe hard." " Do you want to kiss it?" " Your toe?" "No." "Come on, I'll do something for you." "Anything." "Arert you forgetting something?" "Please." "You filthy, dead fuck." "Hey, Nate." "Keith." "I met you at your dad's viewing." "Oh, yeah, David's racquetball partner." "Is David inside?" "No, he went out for dinner with his ex-fiancée." "She missed Dad's funeral, and they were pretty close, so..." " That's cool, I understand completely." " I have his number if you wanna call." "I already gave it a shot." "He didn't answer." "Hey, is David any good at racquetball?" "We used to play in high school and he was pathetic, running into walls..." "Yeah, I think you'd be pretty surprised just how good he's gotten." " Well, I'll tell him you came by." " Thanks." "Dear God." "I need to get his watch." "I need to sell it for the money." " My life is over." " This is a hard time, the hardest." "It was all a lie!" "He left us with nothing, because there never was anything." "Bastard." "I almost died when I saw our engagement pictures still on your mantle." "Why?" "My family loved you, my father especially." "He loved you." "Yeah, he had a funny way of showing it." "I'm drunk." "Then I can ask." "Are you happy?" "I'm still me." "Your father knew." "We had coffee once, and he told me he understood why we couldn't be together." "He said you spent so much time trying to make people happy you never thought about yourself." "He worried about that." "So do you have anyone now?" "Can you tell me about him?" "You're wrong about my father." "You didn't know him at all, nobody did." "Let's get a room at the Haverford Inn and fuck our brains out." "How about it?" "Jesus, David." "Hi." "I got your message." "Sorry I didn't call you back." "I had to go out to County Hospital." "The body's still in Long Beach." "The autopsy's not even finished yet." "It's unbelievable." "How was the meeting?" "Everyone asked about you." " They wanna meet you." " I wanna meet them." "I'm a little drunk." "You might have to undress me." "Okay." "Right after you stop lying to me." " Brenda?" " Yes, Nate." " Why is my name tattooed on your ass?" " It's not your name." "Yes, it is." "You're not the only person named that." "Nate, it's a coincidence." "It's not you or anyone you know." "Come on." "What, you think I'm so enamored with you I had your name burned into my flesh?" "Then how come I never saw it before?" "We've had sex twice." "Once with our clothes on and once in the dark after three martinis apiece." "You obviously liked some guy enough to have his name burned into your flesh." "I would have done a lot more than that for him." "It's about time, you fucking moron." " What are you doing in there?" " Help me out, you fucking moron." " Why can't you just climb out?" " I think we both know the answer to that, you fucking moron." "You really should do something about this." "It's really deep." "It might as well be bleeding." " Could you be a little more dramatic?" " Oh, I could be a lot more dramatic." "What are you doing today?" "Dave and I have to go get the registration out of the wrecked hearse." "Insurance won't replace without it." "What time?" " 2:30, I think." " Take your cell phone." " Okay." " Promise me you will." "All right." "Oh, I don't feel like carbs this morning." "Do we have any more Stevie Nicks raspberries?" "Claire." " Do you have an eating disorder?" " What?" "No, Mom." "I wish, but..." " Are you being helped?" " Yeah, my pop's here." "Suarez." "Of course." "That's the Titan Series." "It's quite beautiful." " Give me a number." " Nine thousand." "You guys ought to get your act together." "Your brother said that this was on special, 4500." "And then he came down to 4000, so why don't we start there?" "That's not legal, reselling a coffin." "There are fluids that seep." " Okay?" "And Mr. Swanson, he seeped." " What did you tell Mr. Suarez?" "He wants a quality coffin." "We happen to have one." "I don't agree with this at all." "It's against my beliefs." " Thank you, Federico." " And it's unsanitary." "They're dead." "What disease can they possibly catch?" "It's too late, Nate." "It's a $9000 retail item our cost is 3200." "We eat that, and plus we lose the profit." "Wait, there's a $6000 markup?" "Mr. Suarez, we cannot let you have that casket." " Sorry to hear that." " We can't legally sell it because very briefly, it was occupied by another person." " 3500." " Sold!" " Absolutely not." " David, don't be a fucking moron." "Fellas, let's split the difference because I gotta get a haircut before the service." " My brother has no authorization..." " Mr. Suarez, it's a $9000 product." "It's used one night." "You're getting it at cost." "Would you stipulate that you understand the condition of the coffin?" "Sure, whatever." "May I make a suggestion?" "You've closed, okay?" "Don't overclose." "It kills the word of mouth." "Is that the best they could come up with?" ""Father, husband, caregiver"?" "How would you prefer?" ""Introvert, sadist, mind-fucker"?" "Excuse me, Mr. Fisher." "Matt Gilardi of Kroehner Service International." "I understand you're now part-owner of the business." "You are aware we've made a very rich buyout offer for your unit." "Okay." " This a one-time offer." " I don't know about that." "You think you can hold out?" "We control suppliers now." "Where are you gonna get your chemicals?" "How about your caskets and liners?" "What about this Diaz kid?" "I mean, this guy is a topnotch restorative artist." "You threatening to put us out of business?" "We look at it as a partnership." "In the death-care industry now, it's consolidate or die." "Decide which, Nate, and give me a ring because we will put things in motion either way." ""We'll put things in motion either way"?" "Tough guy." "Shut up." "Right in here." "Sign this right here." "Well, it's totaled." "The insurance company was right about that." "Fuck." "There's still blood on the wheel." " Okay, let's go." " Jesus, don't you feel anything?" "Yeah, I feel betrayed." "Hello." "Meet me at the corner of Sunset and Gordon, Now, It's important," " What?" " Bring your brother," "Trust me, you need to do this," "I spoke to Gilardi." "And?" "He says we sell or they put us out of business." "Fuck." "I think we should sell." "And erase everything this family has meant for 50 years?" "That might not be a bad thing." " Hey." " Brenda." " This is my brother, Dave." " Come on." "Come on." "Let's do this." "This is the bus." "What bus?" "The bus." "Brenda, this isn't funny." "This is fucked up." "What gives you the right to do something like this?" "He's..." "I never..." "Ripped  encoded by neochris ;-)"