"You're drunk, Go back to Jersey!" "No, you go back to Jersey!" "I'll go back to Jersey when you go back to Jersey!" "Hey, wake up, it's starting." "Gold Chain Guy is yelling at Leather Pants." "I've seen that one." "Yeah, but now there's a hooker swinging a broken bottle." "Oooh, a special guest star." "Oh, what?" "Sure, sure now you decide to clean up the streets" "Where are you for Fat man flashing ?" "Woa ?" "Oh well, i will get some sleep anyway." "It's my birthday tomorrow." "Good night." "Wait, your birthday's tomorrow?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "Never came up." "When's yours?" "It was actually a month ago, but I don't celebrate birthdays." "But why?" "Birthdays are fun." "Well, sure, they're okay for kids, but once you hit 20, well, 18 for girls, your cells start degenerating and you're pretty much on the steep downslope towards death." "And that just doesn't really seem like a good reason to eat cake." "But it's your birthday tomorrow, hey!" "Nate, hi." "Hey, Marni." "Happy..." "Birthday." "Wow, that is a lot of stuff!" "I know, can you believe it?" "I tell people not to do anything, but they just never listen." "Oh, my God!" "The guy at my deli got me an iPod!" "Oh, his name is Kwong-Li." "He got you an iPod?" "Yeah, too bad my manicure lady already got me one." "I'll take one of 'em." "Oh, okay, which one do you want?" "Blue or pink?" "Blue or pink?" "Bluuue or pink or bluuuue?" "I'll take the pink." "So what did you get her?" "Well, she made me promise not to get her anything." "Seriously though, what did you get her?" "Just a little fun thing." "It's a giant cookie." "You know, it's just fun." "Because it's giant, you know-- it's stupid, it's just for fun." "Giant cookie, huh?" "That's what the NYPD got her." "That's a cookie?" "They make cookies that big?" "Where do you even bake that?" "I've gotta ditch my cookie." "Oh, I'll take it, I'll take it." "You got oatmeal raisin?" "People don't even want regular sized oatmeal raisin cookies." "Yeah, they do, Tess." "People want them all the time." "[shrill horn blow]" "Time for your birthday present." "Yay!" "Oh great, he got you something too." "It's a clown tradition." "They do a magic trick for your birthday." "Last year, he pulled a hat out of a rabbit." "No, I think you mean" "No, I said it right." "Pick a card, any card." "Don't show me." "Queen of hearts." "That's not my card." "Yeah, I'm lying." "It not my card, Clown." "Hello, Nate." "Happy Marni Day." "Todd." "What are you doing here?" "I'm her boyfriend." "Wait a second, are you two still going out?" "I did not know that." "See, Marni hardly ever mentions you, and I talk to her all the time." "Todd, is that for me?" "I told you not to get me anything." "Oh, come on, Marni." "When you tell us not to get you anything, that just makes us want to get you more." "Well, you really shouldn't have." "Oh!" "I'm sorry, sorry." "Excuse me." "So, Nate, what did you get her?" "Actually, I gave her something last night, Todd." "Multiple things, really." "I think." "But I'm also going to run out and get her something." "Well, how nice for you to be able to "run" out and get her something." "So what special gift will you be using" "God's blessing of mobility to get her?" "Well, I thought I might get her a scarf." "I already got her one." "Or some books." "Done that." "Well, I also thought I might get some of her friends together and celebrate." "Oh, you mean, uh, hmm, like a party?" "Yeah, a party." "No, uh-uh." "She doesn't want a party, Nate." "Or I would have already done it." "All right, you want to know what I'm going to do?" "I'm going to take her out to dinner." "Someplace romantic, you know, because she's my girlfriend." "Who are you trying to convince, Nate?" "So, Marni, about my gift to you." "Nate, I told you not to get me anything!" "Right." "Like I'm gonna listen to that." "Anyway, as my gift, I would like to take you out for a special birthday dinner." "Really?" "Yeah." "Oh, Nate, that is so-- Oh, my God, tap shoes!" "Todd, you got me tap shoes?" "!" "I've always wanted tap shoes!" "I knew you'd love them." "No one knows you like I do." "Todd, I totally love them!" "Look at me-- I'm a Rockette!" "Not my card." "Well, I finally got a dinner reservation." "I have my choice of 5:00 or 11:30 at The Olive Garden." "In Fort Lee, New Jersey." "Smoking section." "Look, you gotta chill." "You're making way too big a deal out of Marni's birthday." "Oh, but it is a big deal." "It's Christmas in Whoville over there, Bowie!" "Look, it doesn't matter where you take Marni to dinner." "You could even cook her something yourself." "Whatever you do, Marni's gonna love it." "But not as much as the tap shoes Todd got her." "She won't take them off." "And every time she takes a step," "I hear "Ta-ta, ta-ta, ta-Todd."" "I hate that guy." "Oh, the brother in a chair got her a thoughtful gift." "Hm, hm, hm, that is so terrible." "Would you like me to hold his wheelchair while you hit him?" "This is exactly why I hate birthdays." "It's the pressure." "I don't perform well under pressure." "That's why I stopped spelling competitively." "Well, if you hate them so much, then don't do anything for Marni's birthday." "Or you could just say that the stereo's from both of us." "I don't care!" "I have to do something." "I love her." "What?" "I knew it!" "Damn!" "My boy's in love!" "Ha!" "Ha-ha." "Give me a hug, my brother!" "All right, all right, all right." "Oh, man, this is great." "So, have you told her yet?" "You know, that you love her?" "'Cause, you know, the women get all emotional about that kind of stuff." "No, we haven't said that yet." "I mean, she did once say on the phone "love ya."" "See, but "ya" is very different from "you."" "I mean, no one would ever say "I'm in love with ya."" "Scottish people maybe... [speaks with Scottish accent] I'm in love with ya." "But...no, no." "We haven't really said it yet." "Well, then that's your present right there." "What?" "Tell her!" "Tell her you love her." "Let the love pour out your mouth and rain down on your girl." "Ooh, those are some good lyrics." "I gotta write that down." "Wow." "Okay, yeah." "I'm ready to say it." "I'm going to do it." "I'm going to tell Marni I love her." "I'm going to let the love pour out my mouth and rain down on my girl." "Okay, maybe they're not that good" "Yeah" "H ey!" "What are you listening to?" "Nate's cooking me dinner here, so I'm going out to get batteries for the smoke alarm!" "What are you listening to?" "I'm throwing out the nasty cookie Nate got you." "I know, it's new." "Bye!" "Crap!" "It's quiet." "Too quiet." "Hey, this is amazing." "My own fire escape, and I never come out here." "Too bad smoking turns your lungs into rotted, tar-covered sacks, 'cause it'd be so cool to smoke out here." "Uh, Marni, there's something I want to tell you." "These past four months have meant a lot to me." "Me too." "I feel like you get me in a way that no one ever has before." "And, well, I-I just" "Well, I just-- I want you to know that I-I" "Are we safe out here?" "This building's over 100 years old." "Of course we're safe." "Okay." "Well, what I was trying to say is that these past four months," "I-I--I've just-- I felt" "I really think we should go inside." "No, we're fine." "No, Clown." "Not my card." "You know, these bolts, they're rusted." "Oh." "Don't worry." "Those things fall off all the time." "It's sturdy." "S ee?" "Okay, listen... if we don't make it out of here," "I just--I really want you to know that I" "Excellent!" "You're in." "What are you doing?" "I'm trying to get my iPod." "The chute's clogged, and I can see it." "I thought you were supposed to be watching a movie." "It's over." "Well, watch it again." "But this time, play Pink Floyd's" "Dark Side of the Moon at the same time." "And it's gonna trip you out." "Hey, wait a minute, Ryan?" "Is that gum in your mouth?" "Give it." "Hey, Ryan, keep that gum coming!" "And get your sister chewing some too." "She's got a tooh now, right ?" "even better." "Happy birthday!" "But first, let me get back to what I was saying." "Marni, these past four months with you have been amazing, and I just--I've never felt so" "Marni, these past four months with you have been amazing." "Yeah, well, what I've been trying to say is that these past four months have been" "They went that way!" "No wait!" "I have to do this." "No, they went that way!" "Go that way!" "Okay, sorry." "Oh, and happy birthday, Marni!" "Anyway..." "You were saying something about the last fout months?" "You know what?" "what I've been trying to tell you is that" "Marni, these past four months with you have been amazing, and it is because of you, and I've never felt so close to anyone" "It's Todd." "Oh, of course it is!" "Hey, Todd." "What?" "Oh, my God!" "I'll be right down." "Tod is drunking and lost control of his wheelchair and collided with a pretzel stand." "He's in my apartment crying." "We have to go down there." "He's all cut up and salty." "Surprise!" "Can you believe it, Nate?" "Oh, yes." "Yes, I can." "So what do you think about the party, Nate?" "What do you think I think, huh?" "When I ask if I should throw Marni a party, you say, "No, Nate, she doesn't want a party."" "And then..." "then you do this." "You just had to wheel in and steal my thunder, didn't you?" "That's right!" "And you know why?" "Because you're in love with Marni." "Admit it, Todd, you're in love with my girlfriend, you little" "* Dear Nate... *" "* Happy birthday to... you. *" "Oh, man." "That's right, Nate." "This party was for you." ""Happy birthday, Nate."" "I just wanted to show you that you should celebrate your birthday, because birthdays are...fun." "You guys got me!" "I am surprised!" "You know, this is fun!" "Ohh!" "Some surprise party." "You know what would be a surprise?" "A party with Nate that didn't suck." "That'd be very surprising." "Yeah, night now." "Ha ha ha-ha!" "I did it!" "I got your iPod." "And I found a big cookie!" "Okay, Spider-boy, now it's time for you to go take your bath." "Can I eat the cookie?" "Sure, take a bite." "That's right." "Oatmeal raisin." "Let that be a lesson to you." "Don't eat things out of the trash." "So, Todd..." "what Nate said before, is that true?" "Well, what can I say, Marni?" "These past four months, spending time with you, they've just been some of the best days of my life." "I love you." "It's true." "I'm in love with you." "Todd, that is the sweetest thing." "Buyou know that I'm with Nate now." "I see." "But I want you to know that hearing you say you love me is the greatest birthday gift anyone's ever given me." "Thank you, Todd." "And I want you to know something." "I'll always be there for you, no matter what." "I'll always be here for you." "Waiting." "Oh, happy birthday, Nate." "And many more." "Well, this night sure didn't turn out like I expected." "I'm sorry." "You said you didn't like birthdays." "And obviously you really, really don't like birthdays." "Yeah, not so much." "And we kept getting interrupted." "What is it you've been trying to tell me all night?" "Nothing, nothing." "It's sort of a moot point now." "No, Nate, come on, what was it?" "Nothing." "Just..." "I-I love you...also." "Along with Todd and the Yankees and the entire city of New York." "That's all." "Wait." "What did you say?" "Was that "I love you?"" "Like the real "I love you?"" "Yeah, basically...that." "Oh, my God!" "I'm gonna cry." "No one's..." "no one's ever told me that before." "I mean, except for Todd a minute ago." "But never like this." "Never from someone that I love too." "Wait, was that like a real-- Yeah!" "Nate, I love you too!" "Happy birthday." "Hey look!" "I got my iPod back." "Oh, wait." "There's something taped to it." "It's a Queen of Hearts?" "Ta da..."