"All right, weirdos." "Listen up and listen up good." "I got like a minute before he walks through the door." "Who's coming through the door, Maya?" "Your Uncle Boing." "Oh, Maya, you've got to get off of this." "Nope." "The reason he's not interested is because I've been playing it all wrong." "See, my strategy of turning into a total Nut job at the mere sight of him ain't working out as planned." "Maya, it's nothing you're doing." "It's the age difference." "Three years older." "Your dad married your mom." "He's like 20 years older." "We're exactly the same age." "What?" "I just need to be cash." "How's this?" "Yeah, how's this?" " Hey, family." " Yeah, hi." "I don't care." "My brother." "My brother." "So, Riley, shouldn't we be heading to school now, since there's nothing here for me of any interest?" "Sure." "Let's go." "Think she'll make it out the door?" "I give her 10 seconds before she jumps on his head." "I came up here because I wanted to do this in front of all of you." "I hold in my hand an envelope from New York university." "Ohh." "Are we stopping?" "I'm not stopping." "I'm resting." "What's in this envelope tells me where I'm gonna be for the next four years." "Ohh." "Are we stopping?" "I'm not as young as I used to be." "Good luck, Josh." "Yeah, hi." "I don't care." "Is it just me or is there a new maturity in Maya that I haven't seen before?" "I find it intriguing." "Where will you be?" "Hold on to your dignity, woman!" "Too late for that." "Get off me, you little ferret!" "Give it!" " It's my life!" " It affects me, too!" " "Dear applicant Boing."" " It doesn't say that." ""This year we are only accepting married applicants."" "It doesn't say that!" ""So..." "We regret to inform you that..."" "Regret to inform me?" ""We regret to inform you that you will be spending the next four years in New York with Maya!"" "I got in?" "I got in!" "We got in." "Congratulations." " Yay!" " That's so great." "I don't know what this means." "Congratulations, buddy." "I'm so proud of you." "It means a lot, Cory." "All very exciting, I'm sure." "But Riley and I have our own educations to which to attend... to which." "This is so great." "And my buddy who goes there invited me to his dorm tonight to meet some college friends if I got in." "Ohh." "Are we stopping?" "Nope." "We're doing something else now." "When is this little party?" "Yeah, whatever, hi, I don't care." "Uh, 10:00 tonight?" "Where's this little party?" "Yeah, whatever, hi, I don't care." "Greenwich hall." "Are we smiling?" "I'll smile." "I'll smile anytime." "What are we smiling about?" "Bay window." "Bay window right now." "Can I sleep over at your house tonight?" " Yay." " But not really?" "Aww." "I'm going to that party." "Ooh, you're going to sneak out?" "But he said it could go till 10:00." "No, it starts at 10:00." "It starts at 10:00?" "Who even heard of such a thing?" "That bothers you, huh?" "It starts at 10:00?" "There are going to be college girls there." "And they're pretty, and they're smart, and they're witches." "I don't like witches." "We can't let Josh fall under their spell, Riley." "I'm sneaking out." "You will be grounded forever, and I will lose my best friend." " Don't do this." " No." "I'm not gonna look back and regret the things I didn't do." "I want to look back and regret the things I did do." "You can't do this." "Your conscience will always bother you." "I don't have a conscience." "Everybody does." "And until yours shows up," "I'm going with you." "Oh, really?" "You ready to sneak out this window and crash a 10:00 college party with me?" "I am so ready." "It starts at 10:00?" "Okay, how are we pulling this caper off?" "Riley, if we snuck out for an adventure, I know you'd tell your parents." "I promise I won't." " Who's talking?" " We are." "It's us." "You ain't going." "What is a lie?" "What are the effects of a lie on the human soul?" "Why are you looking at me?" "The man who summed up the price of a lie was Edgar Allan Poe in the tell-tale heart." "Farkle." "So..." "This guy chops somebody up, hides him in the floor." "He's cool for awhile, but all of a sudden, boom, boom." "Boom, boom." "Boom, boom!" "His guilty conscience made him hear the heartbeat under the floorboards." "So, he gave himself up." "Some people just ain't cut out for this stuff." "He called on me, you know." "I know stuff." "I know a lot of stuff." "I know stuff about you." "You don't know anything about me." "Boom, boom." " Why would you do that?" " Boom, boom." " I don't understand." " Boom, boom!" "All through kindergarten, I never fell asleep once." "I was faking all my naps." "Faking them." "I can't do it." "I don't know how Maya can just fall asleep anywhere." "Okay, so, guys, the point of the story is that the conscience is more powerful than we realize." "I never wake you up." "For those of us who have one." "Now, just as the truth comes out, so too will a lie." "How will you live your lives?" "How strong is your conscience?" "We haven't done anything yet." "Oh, yeah." "Before you give up on me completely, you've gotta give me a trial run at least." "You gotta, Maya." "You've just gotta." "Yay." "If I succeed..." "I take you." "And if you fail..." "I'm out, and out like a light." "Okay." "What's he doing?" "He loves his tots." "Eight." "Nine." "10?" "10 tots." "Auggie, how many you got?" "12." "Gimme." "Do I have to?" "He counts the tots on everybody's plate to make sure that nobody gets more than him." "That's not what I do." "I know one thing for sure about life." "10 tots is one tot too little, and 12 tots is one tot too much." "Watch this, Riley." "Mr. Matthews, you're looking good." "You wearing your hair different?" "How would that even be possible?" "Thank you, Maya." "A lot of work." "This doesn't just happen." "What's the matter with Riley?" "I don't know, Auggie." "Riley, is there something wrong?" "Yeah-huh." "Boom, boom." "You know what?" "I'm not really hungry." " Does anybody else want this?" " No, Riley." "It's yours." "Eat it." "Eat it." "What happens if I eat you?" "Oh, I become part of your soul and haunt you forever." "Enjoy me, and tell me I'm delicious." "Riley, are you going to eat this?" "Or are you not going?" "I'm going." "Swallow it." "Here I go." "Whee." "So I'm in, right?" "Yes." "Squee!" "All right." "First thing we're gonna need is another Riley." " Why?" " Your parents are going to open the door to check on you, and it needs to look like you're in here." "Maya, how could it possibly happen where anyone would ever believe that was actually me under the covers?" "I mean, who would be dumb enough to fall for... how did I get over there?" "'Cause I'm the best there is at what I do." "Night, night, fake Riley." "I was once as innocent as you." "But now all I have to do is climb out that window and then I am just like this wicked woman over here." "Riley, if you just let it happen, there's a chance we can actually get away with this." "Right." "Sure." "I'm letting it happen." "First time I ever try something like this, and I am going to get away with it." "You know why?" "Because I, like you, have no conscience." "Great." "Let's go." "Boom, boom." "Okay, this is going to be an interesting night." "I can't believe we snuck out the window." "I've never been to a college before." "They're going to know I don't belong here." "Don't talk." "Just act like you fit in." "I want to talk so bad." "You don't know what to say." "You've never been to a college before." "Beat Notre Dame!" "Maya!" "Give her back." "See you at the game, boys." "Riley..." "If you talk here, they pick you up and they carry you." "That's ridiculous." "Oh, yeah?" "Gamma Gamma Nu!" "Give her back." "I just pledged." "I don't want to wait for college to be real." "I'm staying." "We're leaving." "Why?" "We got here too late." "So how long did it take for you guys to get comfortable around here?" "It's about the people you meet, really." "It's nice to meet you." "You too." "How did I think I could ever compete with them?" "Maya..." "A Gamma Gamma girl does not let her sister give up at the first sign of trouble." "You're not a Gamma Gamma girl." "Ry-ry!" "You totally ditched us." "I'm dealing with some stuff, Harriet." "I shouldn't tell you this, but you were already voted best friend to have." "I thought Gretchen had that." "Nope." "You!" "Gamma song?" "Of course, Gamma song." "Stop it." " That's ours!" " Grow up." " I'm leaving." " You're not." "Riley, how do I even begin to compete with those girls in there?" "See, Josh?" "Nothing to worry about at all." "You're going to fit right in here." "Yeah, you've got new friends already, and a new life waiting as soon as you get here." "Yeah, he's gone." "Please take me home." "Bold women make bold choices." "What does that even mean?" "It's a Gamma thing." "It's what we say right before we shove a sister into a bold choice." "Riley, can I sleep with you tonight?" "You're not saying no?" "Does that mean yes?" "Good night." "Uh-oh." "Riley's being a bad girl." "Auggie, what are you doing in here?" "I'm sleeping over at Riley's." "We love each other." "Is that okay with Riley?" " Riley?" " Shh." "Mom, she's really sleepy." "Aren't you just the best little brother." "You have no idea." " Good night." " Night." "I own you now." "Maya, Riley?" "You know these girls, Josh?" " How you doing?" " We're in middle school." "Oh!" "They can't be here, Josh." "No kidding." "Riley, what are you thinking?" "You have to go." "You're right, Josh." "We're sorry." " This was a bad idea." " Wait." "Intrigued." "Maya?" "What was your bad idea?" "He's her Uncle Josh." "I call him Uncle Boing, because look at him." "She made me sneak out a window to come here." "That's how much she likes him." "Because she was afraid that you guys were witches, and that you would steal him from her." "They're not witches, Riley." "They're girls who don't live at home anymore and know a lot more than we do." "Sorry we interrupted your evening." "Oh, I think our evening has just begun." "Initiation!" "All right." "Bring her back." "Andrew?" "You told me you died." "I did." "I am." "Don't forget me." "They all die." "Hey." "Hey." "So, Maya, what do you see in this guy?" "How long have you had a crush on him?" "It's not a crush." "It isn't." "Maybe I'm not as old as you guys, but I know what I feel." "Hey, I've never done anything like what you're doing." "Yeah, it makes you pretty grown-up to me." "I just thought if I did something like this, then he might take me seriously and then maybe we could come to some kind of understanding." "We have an understanding." "I stay here, you go home." " Sit down." " Okay." "I'm just stupid, right?" "Hey." "I would love if somebody did something stupid for me." "Yeah, it's not the big gestures that we do for other people that help us grow up." "But the small choices you make for yourself." "Ohh." "Maya told you guys about her crush." "It's not a crush." "Maya, can you name one thing you know about him that you love?" "He's part of your family, Riley." "I love your family." "And we love you." "What about Josh in particular?" "Yeah, Maya, you don't... you don't even really know me." "Yeah." "You're right." "I don't pay attention to anything you do." "I don't know that you drive from Philadelphia to New York, not even looking if you got into NYU just so you could open your acceptance letter in front of your older brother because you love him, and you want him to be proud of you." "And I see the way you are with Auggie." "A little kid who looks up to you who you always have time for." "And I know that even though you'd rather stay here with these girls, you're going to walk Riley and me home." "Because that's just the kind of guy you are." "I like you." "Dude, what is wrong with you?" "She's three years younger than me." " Sit down." " Yep... no!" "No, because I sat down the first time, and I feel like if I sit down this time it won't reflect well on me." "Yeah?" "How's this reflect on you?" "If you don't sit down, I'm gonna tell every girl on campus that you belong to the bravest girl that I have ever met." "I'll make sure that no one goes out with you the whole time you're here." "Okay." "I'll sit down." "But only because I want to." "Maya, he's 17 and you're 14?" "Yeah." "That might seem like a really big age difference now, but here in college, we learn a really difficult math." "Yeah." "And when you get here, you'll be 18 and he'll be 21." "And the good news is that he'll be smarter because he'll be in college." "And he just may be smart enough to look at you differently." "Okay." "Thank you guys for figuring out my entire life for me." "But this has been the worst party of my life." "Come on." "Let's go." "Oh, you're leaving?" "I'm gonna walk them home." "Not so fast, toots." "Don't you start with me." "I feel great, and there is nothing that you can say that will take that away from me." "Because you had the best night of your life?" "Yeah." "And you can't wait to tell your parents?" "Yeah." "If only you hadn't lied to them and snuck out the window." "You know about that?" "I know everything." "I also know you can't ever tell them." "Oh, yeah." "Enjoy the rest of your evening." "I'll be with you all night." "This is just how you live?" "You just do bad stuff and you get away with it?" "Is something bothering you, darling?" "Hello." "Okay, go ahead." "Your father trusts you." "Your mother trusts you." "Your brother lied for you." "Everything bad in the world is your fault." "What?" "Never mind." "That's for later." " Good morning." " What happened to the guy?" "What guy?" "The tell-tale heart guy." "What happened when his conscience got the better of him?" "Oh, the "boom, boom" guy." "Yeah, he went crazy." "Crazy?" "What do you mean went crazy?" "He freaked out from a guilty conscience." "Classic." "How do you get your conscience to stop making you feel guilty?" "Well, the best way is to not do the things you shouldn't do, but if you do do something wrong..." "He said "do do."" "You have to understand, that's just your conscience trying to get you to take responsibility for it." "Why?" "Because when you take responsibility for the things you do, that's when you finally begin to grow." "So, listening to your conscience helps you grow?" "Yeah." "You might want to try it sometime." "Well, hello, Maya." "It's been a long time." "What the...?" "I want to tell my parents what I did." " Too late." " I want to tell them how much I'm looking forward to going to college someday." "Because you loved those college girls you met there?" "They were so great." "What?" "Because one day you hope to be those kinds of girls yourselves?" "You knew." "They knew." "Parents know everything." "No." "Someone told us." "I just wanted to say goodbye." "Very interesting visit." "Josh, you told them." "Told them what, Riley?" "That nothing happened?" "Why would I tell them nothing happened if nothing happened?" "Why would I tell them that?" "It's okay, Josh." "Maya told us." " What?" " Maya told us everything." "Why?" "I wouldn't rat you out, Riley." "Sorry, Cory." "Guess I'm still your little brother, huh?" "No, Josh." "You were so looking forward to making new friends at that party." "But you left." "Just to make sure that Riley and Maya got home safely." "You're not so little anymore, Josh." "I guess I have to stop looking at you that way." "Thanks." "That means a lot to me." "Maya, why did you tell them?" "It was a choice I made for myself." "I thought it was the grown-up thing to do." "It was." "You're not so little anymore, Maya." "I guess I have to stop looking at you like that." "Thanks." "Means a lot to me." "Riley, are you ever going to pull something like this again?" "No." "Even though it may have been a great night, it isn't worth how terrible I feel for not telling you." "Thanks." "It means a lot to me." "Riley, we're happy that you liked your college experience." "And we're sad to have to give you a grounding experience." "Two weeks." "It should be three." "Deal." "It should be three." "Get a life." "Good night." "I brushed my teeth." "You did not." "What the...?" "Auggie." "You are grounded for one week for not telling us your sister sNuck out of the house." "How's that a bad thing?" "I was protecting her." "Let's go, blondie." "You and I are gonna do a little growing up together." "We're gonna tell my mother, aren't we?" "We're gonna tell her about a lot of stuff." "Yeah, okay." "Let's go." "See you guys in a year."