"SUNDAY 11:00 AM" "Juan Pablo, your mother said to call Pick up the clothes" "Two hundred pesos should be enough" "And the Cokes?" "Keep the change for me" "Come here" "There's your aunt's number" "Call me mid-afternoon" "Yes" "Check that I turned off the stove" "Yes" "Check it" "Yes" "The coffee maker" "Mario, did I turn off the coffee maker?" "Yes" "DUCK SEASON" "What?" "You didn't even say hello, arsehole" "Finger" "Finger" "Finger" "Bin Laden" "No way!" "You had him last time" "So?" "I'll go with Bush again" "Where are you?" "Pass" "It's your house" "So?" "Answer the door" "I don't give a shit!" "Well." "I don't give a shit either" "Time out" "Who is it?" "Your neighbour" "What is it?" "I just came to see if I could use your oven" "Mine is broken" "No, my mum isn't home" "What?" "Just for fifteen minutes" "OK, come in" "Lock the door" "I mean, if it's a problem, I'd better not" "Just fifteen minutes" "Shit!" "I'll kill you, wanker" "Go on then!" "Where are you?" "There you are" "Fucking poof." "Come out!" "Did the electricity go off?" "The problem is, without electricity I'm going to have to beat it by hand" "It will take a little longer" "What?" "Hey, do you know what sixty-three degrees is in Fahrenheit?" "Can you hear that?" "What is it?" "The sink." "The tap always drips" "Are you hungry?" "Why don't we order pizza?" "Large with mushrooms..." "Hey, no!" "Salami" "OK, half mushroom and half salami" "And two large Cokes" "Nonoalco Tlatelolco housing estate" "Niños Heroes building, flat 803" "Have them knock, because the electricity is off" "Why do you time them?" "They always make it" "Who is it?" "Telepizza, your friendly pizza" "Hello, mate" "Large, half salami and half mushroom, right?" "And two Cokes, please" "One..." "And here's the other" "Thanks" "No, no, no..." "That'll be a hundred and ninety" "No, you were eleven seconds late" "No." "I got here in exactly thirty minutes" "Our stopwatch says you were late" "But mine says I wasn't" "So, what shall we do?" "Call your parents, kid." "Go on" "First of all, my mother is not home" "And secondly, don't call me kid" "OK, OK" "What are you doing?" "Sorry, I'm not leaving until I get paid" "A bet?" ""Halo"" "What's "Halo"?" "It's a video game" "The winner gets the pizzas and the money" "The loser gets nothing" "What about football?" "Manchester" "But what about the line-up?" "With a four, three, three formation?" "No, we should play a five, three, two" "No way" "Listen..." "No, because the five, three, two..." "We haven't played for ages" "It doesn't matter" "If you say so" "We'd have to pay for it" "Go" "Let's play" "Level?" "Amateur, pro or world class?" "World class?" "What?" "Is there any other?" "Can you set your watch for fifteen minutes?" "Ready?" "Go!" "The first half is on!" "Goal!" "I was distracted." "I was distracted, that's all" "Goal!" "One all" "He sends it centre, some head action..." "He's going to hit it..." "Goal!" "Goal!" "Looks like we'll be having free pizzas" "No, careful!" "Goal!" "I told you not to use that defence formation" "You play, then" "I'm not criticising, just advising" "Golden goal!" "Have a good stretch, man" "And you're up" "Here goes" "He passes the ball" "What the hell?" "It was a goal" "No goal" "Of course it was, it went in" "He was right at the corner" "Yeah, but it didn't go in" "It was a perfect shot" "It was clearly a goal" "But it was a goal" "It didn't go in" "It was about to hit the crossbar" "It's not true, it was going down" "It was already in" "Really, it was inside" "Don't cheat now" "Don't cheat!" "No way!" "Martita?" "Tell Jorge that I'm going to be a bit late" "I had a problem with a delivery" "I'll be there in ten minutes, don't worry" "OK, bye" "It was a goal" "Don't you want to put it here?" "So it won't get cold" "Pay me" "Isn't that a pretty picture?" "It's horrible" "Well, it's a matter of taste" "It's a matter of who fucks over who" "His parents are fighting over who gets to keep it" "Who bought it?" "They won it in a raffle at a Christmas party" "His dad had kept both tickets, his and his mum's" "One of them won, but they were never sure which one it was" "Chivalry says it was his mother's" "Let's see - if you had two raffle tickets yours and your boyfriend's, for a car, say" "And you won the car but you weren't sure whose ticket was whose" "Don't tell me you would give it to your boyfriend?" "And whose party was it?" "His mum's" "Well then, if his mum hadn't gone his father wouldn't have been there" "Yes, but if his mum had gone alone there would only be one ticket" "And maybe that wasn't the winning ticket" "What?" "The alarm didn't go off" "What's your name?" "Juan Pablo" "Pablito, you'll help me." "It's your fault my cake burned" "You should exercise your memory" "You have to care about something to remember it, don't you?" "You'll be hours" "No I won't." "It says here preparation time is forty minutes" "Help me chop the strawberries, OK?" "Yes, sir" "I know" "I'm on my way" "So that's it" "Now you're fucked!" "You have to sieve it well or it will end up lumpy" "Juan Pablo is John Paul, like the Pope" "They call me Moko, with a 'K'" "My name is Rita" "I saw the Pope once" "I mean, I was really little, when we went with my mum" "He went down the Insurgentes and we saw him" "It was like a miracle, you know?" "He was going by and all of a sudden they stopped the Popemobile" "And he started walking, you know, all holy" "And he walked and walked and went right by me and my mum and he stared right at me" "And then what?" "Nothing" "If we don't clean it up, it will get infected" "How do you separate the yolks?" "It doesn't matter, just toss them in" "How old are you?" "Fourteen" "I'm sixteen" "When is your birthday?" "6th June" "6th June?" "January, February, March, April, May, June" "Sixth of the sixth of..." "What year?" "'90 -1990?" "Let me see" "Nine and nine is eighteen..." "Ah, no, you're safe" "From what?" "From what?" "From being the Antichrist." "Six, six, six" "I'm sorry, it squirted out." "Pardon me" "If you want, I can..." "No, leave it" "Sure you don't want any water?" "Set your watch for twenty minutes, OK?" "Enough, I give up" "Relax" "You have to be patient to get the egg whites stiff" "Yeah, but my arm hurts" "But you're doing really well, carry on" "It's almost ready" "What do you do in life?" "I go to school" "Is that all?" "I listen to music and play video games" "I sing in a band" "A rock band" "What's it called?" "A Piece Of Cake" "Hey, you fell for it!" "They wouldn't charge me, but there is a limit" "You have to be more careful" "What are those?" "False nails." "I found them in the bathroom" "They're cool, aren't they?" "They're horrible" "Well, the idea is not for them to look pretty" "Give me your arm" "Relax!" "I am relaxed" "Ethologists study animal behaviour" "I was going to be a veterinarian but..." "Lucía said I should study ethology" "Maybe I should have" "Lucía was my girlfriend, but we broke up because she said my great aunt drove her mad" "I live with my great aunt, Lucha Elena" "When I graduated I wanted to go back to San Juan" "But my great aunt was really sick and I had to stay and take care of her" "I couldn't find work here until one day an uncle recommended me for a job at a dog shelter" "We used to decide which ones lived and which would be put down" "At first, I wanted to save a lot of dogs, but which ones?" "They killed them in the end anyway" "There weren't any homes for them" "It was like that for six months" "And they started laying people off" "The manager said it was a budgetary luxury to decide which dogs lived and which didn't" "They offered me the job of killing the dogs" "Until one day I noticed a patch one of the dogs had between its eyes" "And so I held him" "And then I quit" "They needed delivery men at the pizza parlour" ""Enthusiastic young men looking to get ahead" ""Monday to Sunday from twelve to eight with Wednesdays off"" "I don't like delivering pizzas" "But as my Aunt Lucha Elena says "Opportunities in life are like bullets in a shotgun"" "And I have already fired mine" "What's this?" "My lucky coin" "Keep it" "Don't heat it in the microwave or it will get soft" "Here, try it" "Is it too hot?" "It's disgusting!" "Stop exaggerating!" "No, it really is awful!" "One day I bought pair of yellow parrots" "The kind that talk" "And then, about two months later, they mated" "About six or seven little parrots" "And I thought of selling them" "But the room they were in was really cold" "And they died" "The worst part is that the pair died too" "But right away, I realised that was a great business" "So?" "So I'm going to try again" "Look, with what I get for my Christmas bonus I can buy another pair" "But as that will be in December I will have to have saved enough for a heater" "Then, with the heater and the pair I'll have to wait another two months for them to go into heat" "I hope the female is willing, they usually are" "Then, all of a sudden, you have six or seven baby parrots" "Then, you have to wait another month for them to grow up" "And when they're fully grown, you could sell each one for 2,000 or 2,500, depending on who buys them" "I have to save for two months for the heater" "I have to wait until December for the Christmas bonus" "Then..." "July, August until December" "Two months for them to mate, one month for them to grow up" "Then I just need to sell them" "Then I can bring over my Aunt Eugenia to take care of Aunt Lucha Elena" "And I can go back to San Juan." "What do you think?" "I'll be gone within a year" "We should make brownies, they're easier" "You'll be making them by yourself" "What?" "I already helped you make a cake" "Why don't you close your eyes?" "Why don't you?" "OK, close them" "What?" "It feels funny" "What does?" "Your tongue" "Well, that's the point!" "Let's try again." "Close your eyes" "We were in the kitchen, you know?" "We were making a cake" "She was in the next chair beating eggs, I think" "An I saw her there all alone, kind of bored" "And I went up behind her and started rubbing her back, like this" "Then her hair... her scalp, like this" "Then she turned around" "As she turned, we looked at each other for three or four seconds" "And I kissed her for about ten or fifteen seconds" "And then, just before the kiss ended we kind of pulled apart and I saw her eyes were open" "I asked her why she hadn't closed her eyes" "And she said, "Why didn't you?"" "But I did have them closed." "So she said, "OK, let's try again"" "You know how it is" "And I said, "Here I come again, but close your eyes"" "So I went in again and the kiss was about ten or fifteen seconds" "And it was really cool, but suddenly, she pushed me away" "I said, "What?" "Now what?"" "And she said she felt funny." "And I said, "What?"" "An she said, "Your tongue"." "But that's the point, isn't it?" "I mean that's the thing about French kissing" "Then she said "Again, but I'll do it to you"" "So I wanted to play hard to get and I waited a while" "And then I got ready and closed my eyes" "She has going to kiss me and just before that I could feel her coming close, about an inch away from my face" "I didn't know what was happening." "She moved back and sucked my ear" "She stuck her tongue in like this..." "Licking all around" "Then what?" "Nothing" "You really fancy her" "How do you know?" "So you do fancy her?" "How can I tell if I do or not?" "Did it get like this?" "No" "Well, this is a comic, but more or less?" "I didn't look at it" "But you felt it?" "Yes" "Then you do bloody fancy her" "What's that?" "This knocks them dead" "Don't suck my ears any more" "It is easier to make brownies" "Can you smell that?" "No" "Who are you thinking of?" "What?" "Are you sure?" "Is it good?" "Well, just a little" "Blonde or brunette?" "Blonde, right?" "Why do you all like blondes so much?" "Like Lourdes Azcona from 302 not very pretty, but she's blonde" "So everyone is in love with her" "And I'm not biased, really I'm not but the girl is a retard" "And I don't think she's very clever" "I don't think she really cares" "Or even realises that she isn't clever" "Because you need to be clever to know if you are clever or not" "I feel sorry for you" "You're going to be bored to death when you realise she's not clever" "Maybe not" "Maybe you don't care about being with a clever woman" "Or maybe you aren't clever either" "But sooner or later you're going to want to be with someone clever" "A palindrome" "1991 is a palindrome" "I was born in a palindrome" "Where's the sieve?" "I'm not going to dye my hair, you know" "Besides, the dyes cause cancer." "Did you know that?" "Besides, it isn't just a matter of being blonde" "It's the easiest thing in the world to dye your hair, but no" "You have to be a blonde and exuberant" "Because if you're just a blonde, guys get disappointed" "That's why I say it's not so much the hair colour it's the attitude" "Aren't you going to tell me who you were thinking about?" "Mum wants to take the picture with her to Morelia" "My dad wants it to stay here" "That's why they are fighting" "Because that picture has a lot of sentimental value" "It reminds them of the year you were born" "It was in the cupboard for thirteen years" "Set it for twenty minutes, OK?" "We were at the Techno Motion" "We were losing" "It was my turn and I jumped I spun around and landed on both legs" "And he hugged me" "Who?" "Flama" "Sometimes the ducks feel a great need to emigrate" "That doesn't mean that a duck that emigrates is a bad duck" "But rather that its nature makes it emigrate" "Seeking new waters or warmer climates" "I don't know." "They are ducks" "And..." "are these fantasies recurring?" "More or less" "For example, in another we were in the supermarket" "It was strange because there was no one but him and me" "And we ate a plum" "What?" "Nothing" "No, what are you thinking?" "The pizza was for both of us, dickhead" "I'm sorry" "No" "I'll make you a sandwich" "Have you got Cheez Whiz?" "Yes" "What's up?" "Fuck, just look at this mess" "It's not my fault" "You were with her, wanker" "And you let her in, wanker" "Move it" "No, my cake isn't done yet" "I don't give a shit" "The trouble is that your oven is in Fahrenheit" "It's harder, because none of the recipes are in Fahrenheit" "It's almost done, right?" "How long to go?" "Five minutes" "Five minutes" "Wait a minute..." "Your cake is done" "Get out!" "It's my birthday today" "Happy birthday" "At home they forgot" "Happy birthday, dear Rita" "Happy birthday to me!" "Truth is it is delicious" "Weed?" "What was in the jar?" "Did you put marijuana in it?" "That sounds bloody brilliant" "Dry mouth?" "Taste it!" "Taste it!" "Thirty-eight" "Thirty-nine" "Forty!" "Where did you get it?" "It was my mum's" "Your mum gets stoned?" "Only on weekends" "There are four of us, like the Beatles" "The Beatles were all men" "John Lennon was a woman" "Make a wish" "How?" "You think of a wish, then think of a colour" "Bite into it and if it's your colour your wish comes true" "Look, red" "Blue" "Try again" "Green" "Yellow" "Out of sixty-five sweets I didn't get any colours right" "Here we are in Acapulco" "Here we are in Veracruz" "You were so sweet" "That's my cousin Julián" "Here we are in Cuernavaca" "What?" "What?" "Neither of your parents is ginger" "Who in your family is ginger?" "A grandfather, an uncle?" "Don't be a twat, you're not adopted" "Neither of my parents is ginger" "Relax" "Look." "Who's this?" "My mum, when she was young" "Do you have one of your father?" "They look alike, but the hair..." "The colour changes with age" "No." "Once a ginger, always a ginger" "Shit!" "Who's that holding you?" "I think he's a waiter in Acapulco" "He has ginger hair" "Maybe your parents went to Acapulco and met this poor man who couldn't support you and gave you up for adoption" "Come on" "Can you see it?" "Shit!" "Are they moving?" "Are they moving?" "Do you know why ducks fly in a 'V'?" "The first duck that takes off clears the way for the second one" "The second one clears the air for the third one" "The third one's energy impels the fourth and then the fifth and then the sixth" "And so all the ducks go together all sharing the force of the flight" "Together they rise and soar through the skies" "And when a duck tires the lead duck goes to the back of the flock" "And another duck takes its place" "And they take turns like that" "One by one, to the front and then to the back" "And when a duck becomes exhausted two ducks leave the group and fly with him" "Until he recovers" "Or falls" "I have to find my real parents" "I can't live without meeting them" "Why don't we go to Acapulco?" "Are you coming?" "I can't move" "OK, smile" "Angry" "Smile" "You're the same" "No fucking way!" "Why are you so pissed off?" "I told you you're not adopted" "That's the point" "So, who are you going with?" "You see that bowl?" "The other day, they spent two hours arguing over who got to keep the bowl" "But the next day, it's not the bloody bowl" "It's the dining room or the fucking dishes" "They use any fucking thing as an excuse to fight" "Let's help them decide who gets the bloody Chinese vase" "Ten points" "That's a souvenir from their honeymoon" "Go!" "Good shot!" "What?" "Nothing" "You haven't asked me what happened with the cake girl" "What happened with the cake girl?" "l gave her a big kiss" "With tongues?" "Did you like it?" "l liked the ear thing better" "Why?" "I don't know" "Close your eyes" "And I'll suck your ear" "No" "So you can see how it feels" "Who is it?" "Telepizza, your friendly pizza" "Does this look extra thin?" "You are never satisfied" "All I want is for the Cokes to be the way they should be - cold!" "Hello?" "Who's calling?" "Just a moment" "It's the manager for you" "Right" "Hello?" "Yes, I had a little problem with a delivery" "Fuck off!" "Fire me" "I don't give a shit" "Thank you, Flama" "You're welcome" "I'm going with my mum" "What are you going to do in Morelia?" "When are you leaving?" "If the removal men come this week, on Saturday..." "No more Sundays" "SUNDAY 8:00 PM" "Out of 385 sweets I didn't guess a single colour" "Well, it's a game" "A bit cruel, isn't it?" "Congratulations" "What for?" "For your birthday" "Thanks" "No, thank you" "Your shirt, knobhead" "subs by flaute taken from the original UK subbed version"