"It has come down to this." "Eight seconds to go." "One possession." "Marv Albert with Bill Walton from the America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona." "I can't hear myself over the crowd." "If the Suns win they go to the finals." "If they lose they go back to San Antonio." "We got eight seconds." "Lots of time for the straight line." "Majerle, take the ball, get it to KJ, and get through." "Kick it back to Chuck." "And Chuck you win the game." " Get me the ball." "No time outs left." "Let's go." "Suns!" "This is what it's all about, game-winning time." " I'm looking for Barkley to step up." " What a shock!" "For those who just tuned in, Robinson fouled out." "For the Admiral, 43 points, 21 rebounds." "Here we go." "Dan Majerle will inbound the basketball." "The Suns, one possession from elimination." "They're going wild." "Kevin Johnson takes it, moves to the right." "Johnson setting it up, looking for Barkley." "We're down to six." "Barkley angles for the shot." "Barkley, to his left." "Barkley, checking the clock." "Barkley, with the release." "It's all over." "Charles Barkley has put the Phoenix Suns in the NBA finals." "The most dramatic victory in the history in the Suns' franchise." "No basket!" "The shot was after the buzzer." "Game's over." " Are you crazy?" " No!" "Charles, you didn't get it off." " Bullshit." " You were late." "He was late." "He got it off!" "He didn't." " You're wrong!" " You didn't get it off!" " That is total bullshit." " Watch yourself, Charles." " You were late." " Jack called it good." "Ask for help." "I don't need any help." "You didn't get it off!" "Bullshit." "You want to play next game?" "Watch yourself." "You suck." "You suck." "Watch yourself." "No basket." "Game's over." "I don't want to protect you, but I must." "Bullshit!" "Bullshit!" "The crowd appears to be voicing its displeasure." "Hey, Charles!" "I'll see you in San Antonio." "You'll see me kick your ass!" "I wouldn't want to be Mickey Gordon tonight or any other night the rest of my life here in Phoenix." "I hope you die!" "Need help?" " I saw it." "He was late." " Let's get you out." "This isn't my jacket." "Screw your jacket." "Let's go." "As Mickey Gordon leaves, you can only think that as long as they play basketball they'll talk about that controversial call." "For Bill Walton, I'm Marv Albert." "As a sports writer for 20 years, I've covered every great event there is." "And I'm watching my best friend make the gutsiest call in the history of basketball." "Every news show in America ran it for two days." "Don't sit Gordon and Barkley together at a dinner party." "The sports world is still stunned by this controversial call." "Gordon remains in seclusion under police guard." "But bravo, Mickey!" "We need such leadership and decision-making in the White House." "No news, no weather, no theater reviews, just that over and over again." "And you know what?" "Mickey got it right." "Right there, live on the spot." "He got it right." "The shot was late by a hundredth of a second." "Oh, God." "Honey, that's an amazing story." "If only I liked basketball, I'd have really liked it." "I'm kidding." "Welcome to Helen's." "Something to drink?" " Champagne, when the others arrive." " We're getting married." "Fine with me." "How's the house wine?" "It's like me:" "Fruity, yet oddly appealing." "We'll wait." "He'll wait." "I'll have a glass of red." "You got it." " I'm a little nervous, all right?" " About what?" "Meeting your friends." "They're flying in to New York from all over the country to look at me." "I'll feel like a show horse." "They'll love you." "Craig and Lucy were wild for you." "Mickey's great." "I can't wait for you to meet him." "I tell you, it's unbelievable." "Three months ago, I'm this confirmed single dope living in New York writing for the paper I delivered as a kid, and I get your fax." "One little number off." " And, bing!" "We both are..." " I know." "Then I started faxing you and you start faxing me." "Then pretty soon we're just faxing each other's brains out." "House red." "Thanks." "It must be the strangest way for two people to get together I ever heard of." "No." "Mickey and Ellen hold the title for the strangest getting together." "At least in their weight class." "How did they get together?" "She helped bury his father." "Excuse me?" "No." "I'll wait for Mickey to tell that story." "Wait." "Are you crazy?" "You can't start a story, "She helped bury his father" and stop." "It's not allowed." " Come on." " All right, all right." "Here we go." "This was a few years ago." "Mickey's father died." "It's good." "Mickey hated him." "What?" "Everybody did." "He left his family when Mickey was a kid." "When he left, the neighborhood had a street fair." "I won a fishing rod." "Best time we ever had." "Anyway, he dies finally." "And the funeral service is in the cargo area at JFK." "Why?" "He wants to be buried in France." " Was he French?" " No." "He was in the D-day invasion." "I think on our side, but I'm not sure." "His whole platoon, except him, was wiped out defending a village." "They were buried there and he wanted to be buried with them." "That's sweet." "Okay." "So, Mickey has to go over and accompany the body, and see that it gets buried." "Why, if he was such a bad guy?" "Whatever his father had done to him, Mickey wanted to have a clear conscience." "That's Mickey." "Then there was this little problem." "You lost my father?" "Oui." "We're not talking about a Valpac here." "We're talking about a former person in a bad suit in a big wooden box and all you can say to me is "oui"?" "He's going crazy, but he's trying not to go off on anyone." "This guy argues for a living." "He'd tell Shaquille O'Neal to shut up." "He doesn't want to be the Ugly American." "Can I see your superior?" "Please..." "I know you're all angry over Euro Disney, but don't take it out on me." "Okay." "Whatever you do, I am not going to lose my temper." "Finally..." "If I was Hitler, you'd give me my father." "You'd give me everything in your goddamn country." "Where is he?" "Two days." "Two days?" "He was in that airport two days." "Monsieur Gordon..." "Will you come with me, please?" "But the airline was nice." "They gave him free almonds." "Where does Ellen come in?" "Now." "Mr. Gordon I'm Miss Andrews." "Would you come into my office?" "Please have a seat." "How are you feeling today?" "How am I today?" "I am a mass of good will." " You're American." " Yes." "On behalf of the airline, I apologize for any problem..." "Problem?" "There's no problem." "You lost my father." "My rear end's molded to a plastic chair and I've got gas from eating those almonds." "I'm so happy I'm a walking Mardi Gras." "That's funny." "You have a delightfully sharp way of expressing yourself." "A terrible thing has been done to you and we really are sorry." "You've every right to insult, belittle and abuse the staff who have tried to help you." "In fact, we thank you." "And we voted you Traveler of the Month, so congratulations." "Anything else you'd like to say?" "No, I think that's it." "Good." "We found your father." "The coffin landed here, but evidently it was mis-tagged." " You should always tip more at the curb." " Definitely." " It accidentally was sent to Switzerland." " Switzerland?" " We had trouble with them." " They're vicious." " They punched holes in my cheese." " I thought they were neutral." "They held your father in quarantine for health reasons." "Health reasons?" "He's dead." "He has no health." "He's been de-healthed." "There he is." "Okay?" "Let's get out of here." "Well..." "Do you have the claim checks?" "Why?" "Are there two of these that look alike?" "My coffin has red yarn on the handle." "What are you doing?" "We must make sure that this is your father." "If it's a mad little guy giving you the finger, it's him." "Don't make me look." "Sorry, but with all the confusion I need you to identify him." "Then put him on his stomach, because I'm used to seeing him walk away." "Right." "Okay?" "Okay." "That's enough." "It'll be fine." "Come on." "Waiter?" "That looks good." "Are you alone?" "Alone?" "I don't even have silverware." " Sit down." " Thanks." "What exactly is that?" "This?" "I don't know." "I thought I ordered a martini, but they brought me a backyard." "Are you hungry?" "Can I order you the wrong thing?" "No, thank you, I'm on my way out." "Yeah, I noticed." "Auto show?" "No, actually I'm going to the opera." "Don't leave until the fat lady sings." "No, I never do." "Waiter, please, this is..." "It's a loaner." "I had no jacket." "Right." "I guessed." "It's a good look for me, don't you think?" "Sort of the Ellis Island Collection?" "It's you." "And I don't even know you." "I really have to go." "I wanted to tell you that everything is taken care of." "We'll deliver the casket to the cemetery." "A car'll pick you up at 8:00 and bring you back to the airport." "We've upgraded your ticket to first class." "And the ticket is free both ways." "That's supposed to make up for losing my father?" "We'll also pay your hotel bill." "Yes!" "Well, I'll leave you in your grief." "Will anyone else need transportation to the cemetery?" "No." "I will be the only one there." "Oh, how sad." "Good, 'cause it's a funeral." "Right." "'Bye-bye." "Miss Andrews..." "I just wanted to thank you not just for the plane and the car, but for today you know, with my father." "You were really understanding." "It was the least I could do." "Anyway." "Good-bye, Mr. Gordon." "It's in there somewhere." "There you go." "It's my father." "He fought in the war here." "These were his buddies." "Well, you're here." "I brought you here like you wanted." "Thanks for not getting killed so I could be born." "That was very sweet." "What are you doing here?" "Nobody should bury their father alone." "I'm Mickey." "Ellen." "Do you come here often?" "You'd have been better off in the limousine." "I'm much more comfortable here." "I take it you and your father weren't very close." "No, he left when I was 10." "I'll never forget the last thing he said." ""Get out of my way."" "You can't buy memories like that." "I suppose not." "You'll be at the airport in 90 minutes." "The drive's a breeze." "I'd never say something like that." " Like what?" " Like, "It's a breeze."" "I'm superstitious and that's like begging for disaster." "It's like those old war movies." "After the battle they sit around and talk about going home, and there's a guy named Brooklyn." ""When I get home I'll go to see my Dodgers, get me a nice hot dog..."" "It always happened, right?" "If ever I get on a small plane and there's a storm, I never say:" ""Piece of cake."" "Never say, "Famous last words," because they could be." "You're a disturbed person, right?" "You have no idea." "According to him, he was working hard all the way back to Paris." "You know those Japanese movies with dinosaurs in the streets and those people just run out and wait to get stepped on?" "He's got the charm turned up to warp factor 7 and she seems to like him, but he's not sure." "I never knew that about Wilt Chamberlain." "They say it's true, but you know..." " I had a great time." " Thank you for everything." "We must stop meeting like this." "Take care of yourself." "Okay." "Have a good flight." " Can I ask you a question?" " Sure." " Is this ticket only for this afternoon?" " It's for any time." "Want to change it?" "Well, I was thinking..." "It's silly." "I've never been to Paris." "Maybe I should do some sightseeing." "Sightseeing in Paris?" "What a bizarre notion." "What do you got here?" " What do we got here?" " Yeah." "You got anything?" "We got some stuff." "Like what kind of stuff?" "You want to see the Eiffel Tower?" "That's here?" "See?" "You got any other stuff?" "He keeps delaying his flight, buying outfits..." "He doesn't want to leave." "I find it a lot like New York, but totally different." "Did you always want to be a referee?" "No, I started as a player." " What are you looking at?" " I just..." "That I'm vertically challenged?" "The best place for me to ref a game is Madison Square Garden in New York." "Wasn't it a soccer game where the referee got killed?" " I'm against that." " Good for you." "Take a stand." "You ever get back to the New World?" "Every year I visit my father in Wichita." "Wichita?" "I'll bet his name's Red and he caps oil-well fires?" "No, it's Arthur." "And he owned a pet store." "That was my next guess." " Do you dream in French or English?" " French." "With English subtitles." "I'm impressed." "You got little kids 2, 3 years old and they already speak French." " Rodin never said what he was thinking." " He's thinking:" ""Goddamn, Rodin, three drinks and I'm nude!"" "What can you say?" "It was Paris." "You got great stuff." "Got it!" "Do you know where we are?" "On the Seine." "That's the Pont Neuf." "This bridge is in a movie." "Don't you recognize it?" "Give me a hint." ""It's very clear"" "Patton." "Patton?" ""It's very clear our love is here to stay"" " An American In Paris?" " Gene Kelly." "Leslie Caron." "This is it." "This is very exciting for me." "Come on, sing the rest." "Sing?" "No, I can't." "No." "With my voice the cops will come with those sirens." "They'll put me in singing jail." ""It's..." ""...very clear..." ""...our love is here to stay" ""Not for a year..." ""...but forever and a day"" "Now you'll tell me you're leaving." "The season starts Monday, and I must get back." "Do you want the afternoon or the evening flight?" "The evening, so we can spend the day together." "I have to work." " I'll watch you." " What?" " This is my place." " Oh, yeah?" "It's great." " I had a great time, thanks." " I had a wonderful time." "So, good night." "Good night." "Would you like to come upstairs?" "Really?" "Yes." "No." "I'm sorry, but to tell you the truth, I don't find you very attractive." "You've got a big, fat, dumpy ass." "What?" "He said that?" "No, I just said it to see if you were paying attention." "What he said was:" "I would love to." "Come on." " And they..." " Yeah." " And it was..." " Oh, yeah." "You know, it was the first time Mickey never told me anything which meant it was really something special." "And finally Mickey has to leave." "He left?" "He actually left?" "He had to!" "The season was starting." "Poor Mickey." "He hadn't had a lot of beautiful moments in his life." "Even the family dog committed suicide." "He left a note:" ""I can't take it anymore, Chi Chi."" "Mickey just never knew that anyone could be so wonderful." "But he tells himself:" ""Forget Paris." "It was just a beautiful few days." "Let it go." ""Just let it be a perfect little memory."" "But it's tough." "See this?" "They brought Abraham Lincoln back to life for a few seconds." "When?" "Last week they dug him up." " They gave him this drug, Revivatol." " No kidding?" "It says he said a few words." "What'd he say? "How'd the play end?"" "How'll you ref with that in your stomach?" "You may look like my mother, but you're not." " What'll we see today?" " What's playing?" "Must we go to the movies?" "That's all we ever do." "What do you want to do?" "I don't know." "I was thinking maybe we'd go to a museum." "And see what?" "Art." "Art." "Tommy, would you like to go to a museum and see art?" "Not today, thank you." "We're in Indianapolis and you want to see art?" "When I was in Paris I saw art, okay?" " I saw the Mona Lisa, I saw stuff." " With that girl you met?" "Ellen." "Let me ask you:" "Why is she in Paris?" "Is she too good to live here?" " Good point." " What do you mean?" "No point." "Why don't you shoot some of that Revivatol into your brains?" "I'll go to the museum to see art." "Leave now to avoid the crowds." "Give my regards to Picasso." "Play or call!" "Stop looking at me that way, big baby." "Just play the game, okay?" "How are you?" "Walking, walking, right there, right there." "They're all up and down my back." "You're making $5,000,000 a year." "You could be in a submarine bumping into a periscope." "Play ball!" " You got to call that." " Stop the whining, okay?" "One five and a block." "Good." " Are you new in town?" " Make some calls, Mickey." "I'll make them." "I'm getting glare off your head." "No!" "On the line." "On the line." "What, are you tired?" "Your girlfriend wore me out last night." "Don't have any legs." "How are you?" "It was a tango." "You did the tango." " Bad call." "I was there." " You weren't." "I was." " Mick, where'd you buy your clothes?" " Why?" "We need to know where to shop for the kid." "Very funny." "Tell Spike that one." "Come on, play ball." "Technical foul." "Foul line." "Go to the foul line." " Quiet!" " Give him a tech." " Why are you here?" " It wasn't his play." "Thanks, Spud." "You know something?" "You're the only one I can talk to." "Open it up, ready?" "What about Ellen?" "Do they call each other?" "Write?" "She writes." "He calls." "But it's no good." "He misses her." "Thanksgiving." "Big network game." "Lakers at Detroit." "Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's last season." "They had a celebration in every town the Lakers played." "This time in Detroit." "The biggest rivalry in the league." "They're scalping tickets for $600." "Of course, Mickey's crew does the game because he's the best." "Only it's a holiday, he's thousands of miles from her, he's miserable." "He's a time bomb." "Wake up and drop dead, you putz!" "God, I hate your guts!" "Where'd you go to ref school, Dip Shit Tech?" "You pathetic pigs." "That's a foul." "What's the matter, the Prozac didn't kick in?" "Get in the game, you prick." "What a waste of blood." "You suck!" "Mickey, how'd you miss that last call?" "You want to borrow these?" "Let's go, let's play." "Hey, Mickey." "Laimbeer's got me in a headlock." "You waiting for blood?" " Technical foul." "Who's shooting?" " For what?" "Do you want another one?" "What did I say?" "Just because you're having a bad game, don't take it out on me." "You're out!" "Are you nuts?" "It's my farewell game." "Let me be the first to say farewell." " Get out of here!" " No." " You're nuts." " Really?" " What are you laughing at?" " Nothing." "Technical." "For lying." "You out of your mind?" "Am I crazy?" "You're out, too." "You're throwing me out?" "Get out." "Take a walk." "You don't run this league!" "Nobody ever paid to see you ref." "Nobody paid to see you do anything." "Get out of here." "This is not over." "I'll see you again." "Good, I'll still have this." "Big deal." "Who cares?" "It was horrible." "He snapped." "He threw out both teams, the coach, the trainer, Kareem's parents and the nachos guy." "They had to take Mickey out in an armored van." "He committed the cardinal sin of refereeing." "He brought his personal life onto the court." "I can't believe it!" "The league suspended him for a week." "He was in bad shape." "So, what did he do?" "What are you doing here?" "What's with this airline?" "Now they lost my mother." "Get over here." " I have five brothers." "All older." " The little princess." "They were all high-school wrestling champions." "They had the wrestling ears." ""No potatoes, Mom, I must make weight."" "After the match, it'd be, "I don't know, he pinned me." "How did he pin me?"" "So it was necessary for me to live in a different world." "But why France?" "Why here?" "Do you know the Madeleine books about the little French girl?" "My mother bought me the whole set when I was young." "And I think I was Madeleine." "She made me the hat just like her." "I'd walk around Wichita talking with a little French accent." "Everybody thought I was crazy, but here I am." "Your folks still around?" "My dad is but Mom died when I was in high school." "I wish she could have seen me here." "What?" "It's just your face when you were telling the story." "You looked so beautiful." "Stop." "Hey, Ellen." "Let's sit down, okay?" "All right." "I don't know if this is just the right time for me or how we met or just how wonderful you are, but I really love you." "I want us to get married." "Oh, Mickey, I am married." "Wait." "Is this to see if I'm paying attention?" "No." "This part was real." "What?" "When?" "In the last few months?" "Two years." "Where is he?" "Well, we're separated." "We might get back together, but..." "But you're here with me." "I'm confused." "You're confused?" "All this time you never said anything." "You never implied." "I'm not like you." "I can't tell everyone my whole life." "Hit an occasional highlight, like, "I'm married."" "You don't do this to a person." "You know?" "You don't be fabulous when you know you're not available." "How do you think I feel?" "I don't have a clue." "Let's re-cap." "Here's what we know about you." "You're from Wichita, you have five brothers with bad ears you're great in bed and you're married." "I'm overflowing with facts." "I have a good idea." "Why don't you sit down and shut up?" "I'm in trouble here." "Should I salvage a bad marriage?" "I've fallen in love with someone else." "I think that my problems are bigger than yours." "Let's have a holiday from sarcasm, okay?" "You love me?" "Is he French?" "Yes." "Is he handsome?" "Yes." "Is he rich?" "Yes." "Does he have a sister?" "If you got him, why do you need me?" "He doesn't make me laugh." " No?" " No." "He makes me miserable." "I can do that." "Give me a chance, please?" "I can't, Mickey." "Where are you going?" "So, what happened?" "He came home again." " Alone?" " Alone." "This time he's determined not to eat his heart out." "If she's not available, she's not available." "He'll go back to seeing the women he was seeing before." "Who was he seeing?" "Mickey was seeing a wide variety of interesting women." "Am I going to see you tonight?" "You call me." "Tonight." "It was a rich, full life." "Then, one night in Charlotte, North Carolina..." "It's an off night, so he's alone." "Just him and the guy coughing in the next room." "Attack of the Phlegm Creature." "Ever think about going to a hospital?" "Come on, cough it up." "Spit it up, already." "Coming up next, more women's bodybuilding." "Too much of a good thing." "He called her?" "No, he called me." "I was in bed...reading." " How are you?" " Mickey, where are you?" "I don't know." "I have to check my itinerary." "I'm either in Denver or Charlotte." "And I got a room next to Doc Holliday." "You remember that fourth-grade teacher who crossed her legs and we went nuts?" "She had the garters and hooks." "We didn't know what it was." "Miss Pitter." "You're right." "Miss Pitter, how'd you remember that?" "Did you run into her?" "No." "I was going to masturbate later and I wanted a name to go with the picture." "You all right?" "No, I..." "I'm really lonely." "I don't feel good and..." "Could I call you back in a few minutes?" "Hold on." "I really want to talk to you, but I got this professional cougher here who wants to fight with me." "Just a second." "Now listen, you've kept me up all night." "What are you doing here?" "Do you sleep with the window open?" "Yeah." "I don't like it." "You'll have to stop that." "Okay." "Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or the bottom?" "Top." "Don't do that." "I hate that." "If you use my car, you better put the mirror and the seat back where I like it." "Don't use my razor to shave any part of you." "If you lose your hair, don't grow that thing down from your sideburn and wrap it around your head." "It's disgusting and I don't like that." "Don't hand me food and say, "Taste this, see if it's bad."" " All right." " Okay?" "You want to talk religion, politics, or if you want kids?" "That'll work itself out." "We've handled the big issues." "All right." "I'll marry you." "I love you." "I love you." "And that was it." " And you listened the whole time?" " Yeah." "It was beautiful." "Oh, honey, that was nice." "That was a really nice story." "It's so romantic, and then when she comes back..." "What's wrong?" "What happened?" "Nothing." "Why do all your women end up crying?" "They don't." "Will you shut..." "Andy was telling me this really wonderful story." "Oh, was he?" "Hi, Craig." "How are you, Lucy?" "I'm hot." "Welcome to Helen's." "What'll it be?" "You got a nice white wine?" "Sure." "It's like me:" "Bold, but with a hint of whimsy." "Fine." " And for the lady?" " Perrier with lime, no ice." "Excellent choice." "What story?" " The Ellen-Mickey story." " Which one?" "The one." "How they met." "The dead father." "Her showing up in North Carolina." "I just can't wait to meet them." "Them?" "They're both coming?" "What do you mean?" "Nothing." "I was under the impression they were..." "What?" "After that wonderful story?" "What happened?" "They were so in love." "They were wild for each other." "She got divorced." "They got married right away." "Those first months were..." " Are you crazy?" " No." " You're going to weigh your food here?" " Yes." "It's for Weight Watchers." "I want to look good for their wedding." "How is this bothering you?" "I can't ..." " You want me to tell her?" " No." "As I was saying the first few months were fabulous." "Like a constant honeymoon." "She had no job." "Basketball season was almost over." "She traveled all over with him saw every game." "They had a ball." "Look how much a lime weighs." "Now the season ends and it's time for the hard part." "The honeymoon's over and the marriage begins." "He'd moved to LA a couple years after we did." "They went to his place at the Marina, it's not exactly her idea of a love nest." "Open them!" "It was sort of a shrine to watching ESPN." "Welcome home." " It's just a matter of taste." " Or lack of." "Anyway, then October comes." "It's time for Mickey to go back on the road." " She's heartbroken." " He was heartbroken, too." "Yeah, he was." "They were very much in love." "Travel safely." "She'd left her job in France." "She'd lost her tenure." "She had to start over." "All she could get was this crummyjob in customer relations at Burbank Airport." "Look what you've done to my clothes!" "I see, but I have to deal with this situation first, so just..." "Mrs. Durkin?" "I'm calling from Burbank Airport and I have your three children here." "They did not get on the plane because we didn't let them." "Why not?" "The oldest one is 7 and they showed up here unsupervised." " Lady!" " Could you..." "This is disgusting." "Could you get off the phone?" "I don't care if you want to surprise your husband and the bitch he ran away with." "Get your crap off my counter now!" "She's not happy." "Mickey only..." "She's in a strange city all alone with a job she hates, working all hours, weekends, nights." "She was scared." "This is LA." "She even got one of those dolls." " What do you mean "dolls"?" " It's called Safe-T-Man." "When you're scared you put it next to you." "People think it's a guy." "Those are good." "My sister had one." "No one ever bothered her." "Yeah, that was the reason." "Now something happens to Ellen you won't believe." "This is fabulous." "I'll tell it." "I tell it better." "I'm already telling it." "When I finish this story, you'll call me a liar." "But it's the God's honest truth." "Tell it good." " She's sitting at home at night..." " It was day." "No, I'm on the first part of the story." "Oh, yeah." "Night." " She's sitting at home at night..." " At night." "...feeling miserable when she has an unexpected visitor." "The first husband from Paris?" "Close." "A mouse." "So she calls an exterminator." "Glue traps." "They're not like the old kind that snap their heads off." "A simple gluey piece of paper." "Put a little food in the middle." "The mouse comes, looks at the food, goes for the food." "Gets stuck." "So he squirms around but can't get away." "It's how Lucy and I met." "It's pretty cool." "Coming home the next day, she hears a commotion in the living room." "Did she get a mouse in the glue?" "Don't tell me." "Let me tell this part." "Then you can tell the rest of it." "She'd left the sliding door open and a pigeon flew in, went after the food and got stuck in the glue." " She calls the vet." " Then the vet says:" ""Get it right over!"" "He's got chemicals that can dissolve the glue and save the bird." " She puts the bird in a box, gets in the car." " And heads for the vet." " The bird's very nervous." " Who wouldn't be?" "She takes off." "She's driving along, she hits a huge pothole." "The bird flies into the air and sticks to her head." " You're a liar!" "Told you." "Get off." "Help!" "Help!" "Did you see that?" "Those are the earrings I wanted." "Mrs. Gordon for Dr. Pilch, please." "Your pet's name?" "Get me Dr. Pilch or I'll kill you!" " Honey?" " In here." "Your lover-man's home." "What a trip I had..." "I'll tell her." "Thank you, Doctor." "Thanks for calling." "'Bye." "That was the vet." "It's good news." "The pigeon will make it." "Why are you giving me the stink eye?" "You had mice in the apartment." "Me?" "I haven't been here for a month." "I know." "Come on, now." "I didn't do anything." "You just had an "I had a bird glued to my head" day." "You go from normal to Tippi Hedren." "It'd shake a person up." "When do you go away again?" "Day after tomorrow." "For how long?" "Ten days." "Then I'm home for three." "We'll go away." "Great." "Didn't you just finish one?" "I've gained eight pounds." "Okay?" "Okay, sure." "Fine with me." "In fact, I think I'll gain 20 more." "Then maybe I'll just be perfect." "How is that?" "For me?" "A dream come true." "I can't wait." "Let's go and have a stack of buttermilk pancakes." "Let's get you big!" "Bring your new friends Ben and Jerry." "We'll turn your ass into a helipad." "Come on." "I look terrible." " No." " I do." " You don't." " I do." "I'm lonely." "I hate my job." "I hate this apartment." "I didn't come all the way from France to be alone." "Lately I've been having certain feelings about Safe-T-Man." "Ellen, I love you." "I love you so much." "I wish I could do something, but it's not like I can quit my job or anything." "Why not?" "What?" "Why can't you quit your job?" "Right, that's ..." "That's impossible." "I mean, it's ridiculous." "It's ridiculous?" "I quit my job." "Remember?" "I gave up everything for you." "Come out on the road again with me." " We had a great time." " Great?" "Every other day on a different plane?" "Room service in the hotel at 1:00 a.m. While you ice down your knees?" "Who wants that life?" "I do." "I like my job." "Can't you do it for a local high school?" "Those high-school kids are armed." "They pay nothing." "Honey, I'm a pro." "I'm one of the best in the league and it's what I've done for ten years." "All right." "I'm sorry." "I know that your job means a lot to you." "I just can't do this anymore." "So he calls me." "I once offered him a job selling cars for his off-season." "He had the personality to do it." "So, he quit?" "He asked the league for a year off." "A leave of absence." "He and Ellen are together again." "She talks him into buying a little house." " It was charming." "If "charming" means hot and overpriced." "Anyway, she's working out." "She looks fabulous." "Yeah, everything's great...for her." "The knuckleheads at the airlines finally realize she's 90 times too qualified for her job." "They move her into an office downtown." "She's the head of a department." "She's the happiest she's ever been." "Good!" "And how's Mickey?" "Mickey is not wonderful." "What mileage does it get?" "Fabulous." "Fabulous mileage." "It gets 100 in the city and 3,000 on the highway." " What?" " Car and Driver called the..." " What are we in?" " Subaru." "Said it was great." "Unquote." "You actually knew Michael Jordan?" "I'm the one who shaved his head." "So, she's happy he's miserable." "And his mind says:" ""What the hell is making her so happy?"" "Ellen!" "Follow that car." " What?" " The Porsche." "Come on, catch up to it." "Come on." "Gun this rickshaw!" "Move it, that's my wife!" "It's not her." "It's not her." "It's not her." "So, you like it?" "It wasn't that he couldn't sell cars." "Most days he wasn't bad." "His heart wasn't in it." "The worst was during the playoffs." "Poor Mickey." "That was a rough time." "He made it rough." "Craig gave him a good job." "My brother Richard was dying for that job." "Again with this?" "Unlike Mickey Richard would've appreciated that job." "Richard needs instructions to put on a hat." "He fell down some steps when he was a baby." "Can we get back to the point?" "You're giving her the wrong idea." "You're making Ellen the villain." "There's two sides to everything." "You tell it." "Ellen would talk to me during that period." " Veal parmigiana." " What?" "That's the only thing he'll eat at a restaurant." "We've been out with him, I know." "There's so many things he'll only do." "He'll only go to the movies." ""What'll we do tonight?" "Let's go to a movie."" "He's used to that." "In Paris, he went to the museum and to the ballet." "Forget Paris." "He was courting." "They'll do anything when they're courting." "Craig knitted me a sweater." "We went to the theater to see Phantom of the Opera." " Oh, that's so beautiful." " Yeah." "You know what Mickey said?" " You liked it?" " I loved it." "It was romantic." "The guy's got broken dinnerware on his face under which is a pizza, and she's in love with him?" "She was in love with his soul." "That's ridiculous." "It's like Beauty and the Beast." "It's all stuff they sell to women." "Teddy Stein was the sweetest guy in my high school." "He had a bit of a droopy eye and a mole on his cheek." "Could not get a date." "But this Phantom with an exploded head..." "Women are squirming in their seats." "It's not real." "I loved it." "The music..." "You know what the big song was?" "It was School Days." " What?" " Yeah!" ""School days, school days Dear old..." ""...golden rule days" Do they think we're dopes?" "You hated the whole evening?" "No, no." "The veal parmigiana was good." "It was a hard time for him." "He was unhappy so everything irritated him." "I guess." "She was irritating him and he was irritating her." "They irritated each other." " Things were horrible." " Then they got worse." " What do you mean?" " The father." " I forgot about the father!" " The father's dead." " They buried him in France." " No, Ellen's father." "Why didn't you say?" "More Perrier, please." "This was a nightmare." " Why?" " He retired." "He was a widower." "And he also had a few little health problems." "The wrestling brothers didn't want to take him." " So he moves in with them." " Ellen's working days." "Mickey is working a lot of nights." "Mickey's home a lot with Ellen's dad, Arthur." "Arthur is the kind of guy who could drive you insane." "How?" ""You asked for it..." ""...you got it..." ""..." "Toyota." ""You asked for it..." ""...you got it..." ""..." "Toyota."" ""Ed's Tropical Aquarium."" ""Mattress City."" ""Donuts, Donuts, Donuts."" ""Mister Sid's Tuxedos."" ""Six Guys from Greece..." ""..." "Authentic Greek Food."" "Why don't you tell him to stop?" "I don't think he knows he's doing it." "So this is your life now?" "How did you let this happen to you?" "I don't know." "The longest I lived with anybody before this was eight hours, you know." "That made me feel stifled." "I'm just not used to someone else having an opinion about my life." "An opinion I have to listen to." "No, you don't." " I don't?" " No." "So, what are you saying?" "A wife is somebody to adore you and have sex with and not bother you?" "Keep going." "What?" "Chef of the Future, what's with the meat?" "Making progress?" "It's not quite there yet." "You want to give me a time frame?" "Maybe early next week, the fall, Christmas?" "So we can plan our vacation." "It's just this short of greatness." "So are you, Jack." "She got you." "It's a good one." "Go!" "Make the girl food." "The salad." "Oh, Ellen, let's go make the girl food." "The salad." "The same thing happened to me when I first got married." ""How can you always leave me?" "I didn't get married to be alone."" "She said, "Give it up." "Stay home, get a real job."" "I said, "You're asking me to give up what I do, what I am." "I can't do it."" "She understood?" "We worked out a compromise." "I went back to work and she divorced me." "Lois?" "No, this was Beverly, the first Mrs. Jack." "I didn't know about her." "Then I met Lois and she got it." "Got what?" "Mickey, I don't like to stick my nose into anybody's business..." " But..." " But..." "If you're with a woman and she doesn't get what you are, what's in your guts move on." "Move on?" "Move on." "Jack, what are you saying?" "I'm saying move on." "You're up." "I must get going." "You look nice." "Thanks." "Could I talk to you before you go?" "I hardly get to see you anymore." "Sure." "What is it?" " I just wanted to tell you..." " "You asked for it, you got it, Toyota."" "'Morning, Pop." ""Non-Dairy..." ""..." "Creamer."" ""You asked for it..."" "What's going on?" "I'm going back to refereeing." "I told the league that I want to go back to work." "You saw that I tried, but I just can't do this anymore." "I can't sit here with him all day." "When you said he'd live with us, you gave no clue what shape he was in." "Honey, he's sick." "What can I do?" "Take him to work." "He can wander around the airport muttering." "Thousands of people do that." "If he wasn't here everything'd be fine?" "Ellen, I like being a referee." "I love being a referee." "It's a big part of who I am and I'm starting to miss me." "And me is the guy you married." "When did you decide to do this?" "I thought about it for two weeks." "Did it ever occur to you to talk to me about it?" "To see what I thought?" "I already knew what you thought." "But you're doing it anyway." "I must do this." "It's important to us." "I want to love you, not resent you." "You resent me?" "'Cause when you were unhappy, I cared." "Now I'm unhappy and you don't care." "I just found out." "I haven't had time not to care." "You didn't notice?" "Yesterday I ran out of toothpaste and I burst into tears." "Is that normal?" "We never have sex anymore." "Has that even caught your attention?" "We're on different schedules." "When you come home I'm asleep already." "When I come home..." "We used to do it 19 times a day in every room in the house." "If the Kramers weren't home next door, we used their place." "Two times." "Two times you wanted to have sex and I didn't." "Fifty times, I wanted to and you didn't." "Two times I asked." "So it's my fault?" "Why didn't you ask?" "When you show no interest?" "I feel like I'm begging." "What about when you're not interested?" "When did that happen?" "Last week." "In the morning." "Remember?" "I started to do that thing you used to like." "You said, "Get off me." "What is that?"" "It was 6:30 a.m!" "That wasn't love." "You were slipping me into your schedule." "Fine, if that's the way you see it..." "Oh, Mickey." "I have a vacation coming up, so why don't we go away?" "We could go to Santa Barbara." "I'm leaving Monday." "How many more years will you do this?" "What?" "Referee?" "Yes." "I don't know." "Well, give me a clue." "One?" "Ten?" "Fifteen?" "I don't know." "I got to go." "He just left her?" "Can you believe that?" " He didn't leave." "He went back to work." " Exactly." "So his job was more important than his wife." "Both were." "Marriage can't work with one person happy and the other miserable." "Marriage is both people being equally miserable." "What?" "No, I was just..." "What if I lost my column and I had to go back on the road?" "Could that happen?" "Of course." "Papers fold, merge, you get a new editor..." "You never mentioned this." "Would it have made a difference?" "Well, no." "Not really." "Not really?" "That's a real crowd-pleaser." "Sure, it would make some difference." "How could it not?" "We're getting married Sunday." "I'd like to know if I'm getting the first or second Mrs. Jack." "Any man who refers to his wives as "Mrs. Jack" is an idiot." "Any man who repeats it is a bigger idiot." "I'll..." " I'd better..." " Nah." "Sit down, relax." "Lucy'll fix it." "She's the Bob Vila of relationships." "You're hungry, have some bread." "Everything'll look better after bread." "Why did I start anything?" "Why did I say that?" "This is good." "Is there butter?" " It's nothing, just pre-wedding jitters." " You think?" "You kidding?" "The week I got married I threw up every day." " Her mother was poisoning me, but..." " Stop." "Will you just stop?" "Oh, I think I'm scared." "Of what?" "That I parked too far from the curb." "What do you mean?" "I've been single for 40 years and I'm getting married Sunday." "Oh, God!" "Come on." "Take it easy." "You're all right." "Why did I say that to him?" "I didn't mean that." "Maybe I'm too scared to get married." "Oh, listen to me." "I lost 15 pounds for this wedding." "You're getting married." "You shouldn't listen to Ellen and Mickey stories before you get married." "It's like watching a horror movie before you go to bed." "Don't you think Mickey was wrong and Ellen was right?" "Of course." "Also Ellen was wrong and Mickey was right." "See, their marriage had one overriding problem." "One was a man and one was a woman." "So what happened?" "Did they break up?" "It was kind of hard to tell." "Were they separated because he happened to be away or were they separated because they were, you know, separated?" "Maybe I got married too fast." "No, there's no such thing as too fast or too slow." "It's whenever it's right." "Although you moved a little fast." "It's just that when my first marriage ended I felt so lost." "I wasn't looking for anyone, but then he came along." "Mickey." "He was so different from the others." "He was cute." "He's adorable." "Every time I see him, I want to pick him up and give him a hug." "The other ones were very polished." "Stylish." "Then this little referee shows up." "He made me laugh." "He put me on a pedestal." "He made me feel loved." "As only a little referee can." "Just what I needed to get me through that." "Oh, God." "What?" "Do you think I married Mickey on the rebound?" "What's funny?" "Get it?" "Rebound." "He's a basketball referee." "Keep your seats, kids." " You know the difference between us?" " You still enjoy your mother bathing you?" "No, the difference is you're a dope and I'm not." "I say it with great affection." " I'm a dope?" " Craig?" "Big dope." "We're both the same." "We're rigid." "I'm not rigid." " Craig?" " You're an ironing board." "That's not true." "Please!" "Come on, guys, I change." " Tuna rye." " Me." " Tuna wheat." " Me." " Veal parmesan sandwich?" " Him." "See?" "I know what I am, so I don't get married." "Would a woman let me spend $1,400 on old baseball cards?" "Forget it." "But you married this woman." "And you seem upset that your life isn't exactly the same as it was before." "It isn't." "You're married and you're up." "When he travels not only am I lonely, I don't even know who I am by myself." "You don't?" "Like when you're with a guy not just for a night, but really with a husband or a boyfriend and you keep re-inventing yourself to be the perfect woman for that relationship." "Yeah, right." "Right." "I don't know..." "If I took time before or between you know, to find out who I really am, by myself who I could be, you know, without any guy around..." "I know I'm in here somewhere." "I can hear myself screaming from a distance." "Does Mickey know you feel this way?" "I don't think Mickey would understand it in the right way." "Things just weren't comfortable anymore." "For either of them." "They were pretending to be married." "It was sad, because they were married and they we're both very lonely." "Oh, gee." ""Brushless Car Wash."" ""Mario's Pizza Town."" ""Laundry World."" "They decided to get help." "They went to a marriage counselor." "Let me explain my philosophy." "I see marriage simply as a form of legalized rape." "Mickey thought they should see someone else." "Drs. Don and Debbie." "I don't understand." "If you miss me, why aren't you happy when I come home?" "Because I know you'll leave again." "That's logical." "I'll leave, so let's not have fun while I'm home?" "Now it's my fault?" "When I come home I'm excited to see you." "You're not excited." " You're horny." " Is that bad?" "Is that such a bad thing?" "When do you two get involved?" "When there's gunplay?" "I just want it to always be like that week in Paris." "It can't be like that, Mickey." "I know." "So, finally, things weren't getting any better." "So, Ellen did what she had to do." "Hi, you're back already." "Where were you?" "Wichita." "I left you a note." "Yeah." "Well, I just got here." "Where's your dad?" "Wichita." "What's he doing there?" "I left him with my brothers." " Really?" " Oh, Mickey..." "I want this to work." "I love you." "Honey, I'm sorry." "I didn't mean anything." "Me too." "I was crying about Mickey and Ellen." "It's so sweet the way she came back." "Why do all your women end up crying?" "She's not..." " This is Jack Garrett." "The referee." " Very nice to meet you." "I've heard a lot about you." "I was the "As told to" on Jack's book." "And this is Mrs. Jack." "Lois." "Hi." "It's very nice to meet you." "Congratulations." "Let's eat." " Craig." "Lucy." " Hi, nice to meet you." "Good to meet you." "Craig." "Oh yeah, you sell those Scooby-doos." "Subarus." "Asshole." "Excuse me." " I'm in the lane too long." "Sit down." " Whoops." "So, where's Mickey?" "At the Knick game." "He'll be here soon." "With Ellen, right?" "Ellen?" "Why?" "They're still together?" "When we talk, I don't ask anymore." "Lucy told me the whole story." " The whole thing?" " About the baby?" " Everything?" " Shut up!" "Baby?" " The plot thickens." " What baby?" "Do they make a decent martini here?" "Absolutely." "They're like me:" "Dry, yet explosive." "What baby?" "Dry." "Straight up." "Olive." " Me too." "Double." " Me too." " Me too." " What baby?" "Where'd you stop?" "When she left her father in Wichita." " Ancient history." " Does she know about him selling cars?" "Right, it's you." "That test drive." "Listen." "If somebody doesn't tell me about this baby, asses will be kicked!" "I like her." "All right..." "After she dumped the old man they were, well, they were better for a while." "Oh, Mickey." "It's so beautiful." "There's something so great about knowing we're making a baby." "It's going to be wonderful." "Here's why you can't have children..." "Something's wrong with her plumbing." "Not like Mrs. Jack she folds my underwear, she gets pregnant." "Damaged fallopian tubes." "That's what she gets for living in France." " What's that got to do with it?" " Maybe she was clogged up with cheese." " Lovely." "I'm telling the rest of this." " Good." "She was devastated." "They went to a fertility clinic." "She told me everything." "You should see the waiting room." "All the childless couples." "You could cut the hopelessness with a chain saw." "Mickey told Jack it wasn't hopeless." "We are trying this in vitro process for $8,000 each attempt." " Ouch." " Ouch is right." "He has to give me these injections every morning only he gets a little queasy." " I'll hold this and you jump in my lap." " Mickey, come on." "Craig volunteered because he's diabetic, but I don't want him to see your ass." "Just do it." "Okay." "Okay." "We're a team." "We're a team." "Do it." "I didn't know that." " How much an olive weighs?" " No." "That you wanted to give Ellen her injections." "Wanted?" "I just volunteered." "That's so sweet." "You saying that I was trying to cop a peek at her caboose?" "I was trying to help some friends." "May I finish?" "If you feel you have to, sure." "What we'll do is take your eggs..." "The fertility experts tell them it's time." "They take some eggs from Ellen, put them in a little dish." "Then it's time for Mickey to how shall I say spew his manhood into a plastic cup." " You're a real poet." " Thank you." "After you." "Okay, can you operate a VCR?" "Why?" "Did you want me to tape something for you?" "No." "We have X-rated tapes in case you need some help becoming aroused." "Help?" "Help?" "I lettered in this in high school, had a picture of my right hand in my wallet." "We also have magazines." " Will you be all right?" " Sure." "I wish I was in my parent's bathroom in Brooklyn." "A lot of happy memories there." "I'll bet." "Use the cup." "Come out when you're done." "Just one cup?" ""Kim is an Aries..." ""...who enjoys snowboarding..." ""...and reading the Scriptures on a rainy night." ""Favorite food:" ""Juice."" "Excuse me." "All done?" "Could I see you for a second, please?" " Is something wrong?" " Yes." "Do you have any Sophia Loren movies?" "Early '60s." "The one where she does a striptease for Marcello Mastroianni." " Barbarella?" " No." "The Dick Van Dyke episode where Laura's in Capri pants doing, "Rob..."" "We are not a video store." "We don't have a selection." " I can't do this." " Mr. Gordon your wife's egg is good for four only hours." "Then we might as well scrape it into the trash." "Pile on the pressure." "Can't I do this at home?" "Because the sperm has to be inserted into the egg within one hour of ejaculation." " I ejaculate 30 minutes from here." "No, no." "I mean I live half an hour from here." "Please?" "Let me go home where I usually do this." "Come on." "I want to go home." "Mickey?" "Are you okay in there?" "There it is." "Okay." "Good." "There's a paper bag on the sink there." "Got it." "My keys?" " They're in the car." "The car's running." " Okay." "What'd you think about?" "Wish me luck." "Piece of cake." "No." "Don't say that." ""Piece of cake!"" "She spooked it!" "Hang on, boys!" "Go, go, go!" "Someday I'll tell you all about this, kids." "Know why I stopped you?" "I did everything wrong." "I have to get to the hospital in 20 minutes." "Fifty thousand lives are at stake." " What?" " You know what's in this bag?" "No." "A cup full of sperm." "Get out." "Put your hands on the fender." "Move it." "He tries to tell the cop that he's not a perverted lunatic." "He brings him up to date on the story." "Thank you." "Good luck." "And?" "Mrs. Gordon, calling for the results of my pregnancy test." "Just a moment, please." "Mrs. Gordon?" "That result was negative." "I'll schedule you for another appointment." "Thank you." "Besides the disappointment, she's pumped full of those hormone shots." " She's a wreck." " It's horrible for her." "Forget about it." "Most of that time, Mickey's back out on the road, so she's doing this alone." "But they try again." "For two years." "Two years?" "Until finally..." " Get it?" " Yeah." "He wants his mommy." "You guys look pretty natural there." "Come here, you beautiful boy." "Yes, you big boy." "Here, grab one of this shot." "Get him laughing." " Come on, Jason." "Look at Uncle Mickey." " Say hello!" "Cute." "I'm tired." "Let's go home." "I mean, I'm tired of the whole thing." "I want to stop." "Do you want to adopt?" "I don't know." "I just..." "I want some time not to have to think about it for a while." "All right?" "Okay." "The adoption agencies were not that cooperative." "He traveled, she worked full-time." "They were on a ten-mile-long waiting list." "We didn't see them that much after that." " We had a baby." " Yeah." "I saw them." "It wasn't good." " There's a spot there." " I can't get in." " Of course you could." " I can't get in that spot." "I could get in that spot." " Maybe the Phantom could get in." " What is that supposed to mean?" ""School days, school days Dear old golden rule days"" "It was just a matter of time." "Sit down, please." "Ever been in California, Captain?" "Lots of times." "Recently?" "What?" "I want to move to Dallas." "What are you saying?" "The airline offered me a big promotion, but I must move to Dallas and I want to." "It shouldn't make a big difference to you if you're in Dallas." "You'd be home the same amount." "Right but I'd be in Dallas." "So what?" "It's a city." "They have veal parmesan." "You know, you just can't walk into a room and say, "We're moving to Dallas."" "Why not?" "Why not?" "Because this is my home, you know?" "I'm not giving in this time." "What do you mean "this time"?" " I always give in to what you want." " You?" "Yeah, me." "Do you want to see my list?" "Do you want to see my list while we're at it?" "Look, they need an answer by this week, so make up your mind." "I don't need a week." "I'm not going." "Must I remind you that a chain is no stronger than its weakest link?" "Well, in that case I'm moving to France." "France?" "How did France get in the picture?" "I had a choice, Dallas or Paris." "I wanted Paris but I figured it wasn't fair." "Since you won't even move to Dallas, I'll take the job in France." "That's the one I really want." "No, no." "Stop the cab." " Stop, please." " Stop the cab." "Ellen, please, let's talk about this." "Please." " Please." " Don't do this." "We've been through it." "Let's go in the house and talk." "I must go." "You mean you want to go." "Look, are we happy?" "Yeah." "You know, sometimes..." "We have ups and downs." "Everybody does." "Mickey, are you happy?" "For now it's better if we just..." " Separate?" " I'm not saying that." "You're not, but you're going to Paris and I'm going in the house." "That's not staying together." "Please." " No." "I just need to go for a while." " Listen." "Stay until the season ends, then we'll both go." "We were great in Paris." "Forget Paris." "Forget it?" "How do you forget the best week in your life?" "Maybe that's all we were, just one great week." "Think so?" "After four years?" "You know what?" "You're right, you should go." "Absolutely, go." "Have a nice trip." "Take care of yourself." "Let's go, please." "That's it?" "Yeah." "No." "She turns around and comes running back, right?" "Nope." "She got on that plane and flew to Paris." "And he went after her." "No." "He got on another plane to do a game in Sacramento." "That's how it ends?" "That was what?" "Four months ago." "Now Mickey's alone in the house he didn't want and he's you know, adjusting." "Slowly." ""April in Paris" ""Chestnuts in blossom" ""Holiday tables..." ""...under the trees" ""April in Paris" ""This is a feeling" ""No one can ever..." ""...reprieve"" "And Ellen?" "I spoke to her about a month ago in Paris, and she was lonely and you know not bad." "But you know when you talk to someone and they say they're fine but you hear that thing in their voice and you know they're not?" "You know that thing?" "She's got it." ""Never missed a warm embrace" ""Till April in Paris" ""Who can I run to?" ""What have you done to..." ""...my heart?"" "Oh, I'm ill." "Imagine if I actually knew them how sick I'd be." "That's not going to be us." "Can we order?" "My stomach's doing the conga." " The warmth." " I'm hungry." "He's right." "Let's get this party going." "Waiter?" "Would you like a breakfast menu perhaps?" "I know, it's late." "We're waiting for someone." "You know what happened at the Knick game?" "Did they go overtime?" "Our friend is unbelievably late." "Those people were at the game and they've been there for over 30 minutes." "Well bring us the best champagne you got." " Champagne." " We're getting married." "You people want to know what happened at the Knick game?" "Weird game." "I never saw something like this in my life." "What happened?" "It was incredible." "We're waiting for the anthem to start." "Are you all right tonight?" " Are you okay?" " I'm fine." "Ladies and gentlemen, please rise as we honor America with our national anthem." "Please welcome David Sanborn." " What?" " I can't do the game." " You sick?" " I must catch a plane." " To where?" " Paris." "Now?" "No, you can't do that." "I won't let you go." "They'll throw you out of the league." "If they do, they do." "I don't believe this." " I was on my way to see you." " Come on." "No, I swear." "I was on my way to Paris." "Oh, forget Paris." "I hated Paris." "What's the answer?" "Why will it work this time?" "I don't know." "I know we're better together than we are apart." "And I'll move to Dallas or Paris or the dark side of the moon, because home is wherever you are." "And I also know I love you." "So, tell me the truth." "Do you think we'll make it?" "Piece of cake." "Then the Knicks lost." "They stink." "Well, let me get back to my food." "Have a good night." "It's her." "I know it's her." "It's meant to be." "Why does every woman you're with end up crying?" "It's them." "Ellen and Mickey." "Nice to meet you." "You okay?" " Oh, yeah." " You are." " She'll be fine." " Congratulations." "Look who's here." "Champagne." "Best we got." "It's like me:" "Bubbly and dying to go home." "I would like to make a toast." "To my father who did one really great thing." "He brought us together." "To marriage." "Let's eat." "Sounds good to me." "Young fellow, you first." "Me?" "Oh, okay." "I know exactly what I'll have." "I would like the veal piccata." "What the hell!" "Me too." "I'm done with this." "I'm eating tonight." " Veal parmesan." " Me too." "The blonde." "Seven piccatas." "Liz, you must not know what the toast is about." "When Mickey's father passed away he wanted to be buried in France." "I was working in Paris." "You don't know that that's a true story." "Helen, this is all veal." "Seven piccata, one parmesan." "Fire it right up." "I got a hungry group here." "For two days it was lost in Switzerland and Ellen found it." "That's true." "That's how we met." "You know that story, don't you?" ""You asked for it..."" ""...you got it!""