"Ididn'tsayyouwerethe murderer." "I said ifyou were the murderer." "I-- Wait, listen." "His accidentwas not an accident." "Will you give me proof, Lieutenant?" "." "Believe me, I've been an absolute bundle of nerves." " Check." " Wish I could figure out someone who would benefit from his death." "He was given his necessary injections 40 minutes ago." "Did anyone else see those lists?" "." "No." "Someone with intent to murder packed his bags." "I think that is a possibility, yes." " He is despicable." " It could have been a perfect murder!" "[Hum Resonating Loudly]" "[ Grunts, Panting ]" "Sir?" "Mr. Clayton, sir." "I don't suppose any grand master actually relaxes the evening before a match." "Can you tell us what your schedule is for tonight?" "." "Well, this evening, um, a small martini perhaps, a large steak definitely, and a good horror movie, ifthere's one close by." "[ Man ] Sir, areyou telling us you're not concerned about tomorrow's game?" "." "Chess is never merely a game, my friend." "And as for tomorrow, well, for me, it's just one more match." "No, please don't quote me on that." "Tomlin Dudekwill, I'm sure, prove a most worthy adversary." "After all, he was champion oftheworld for manyyears." " And I'm certain that he'll be giving it his all." " [ Man ] Mr. Clayton?" "." "Mr. Clayton, doyou know what the reporters from Dudek's country are saying?" "." "They are saying thatyou could never have become champion, you neverwould have been champion..." "Oh, that again." "ifTomlin Dudek hadn't gotten sick and hadn't had to retire fiveyears ago." "Yes, I've heard and read some ofyou gentlemen speculating about that a bit." "Most unpatriotic, you know." "Well, come morning, we'll all be settling our lingering little doubts, won'twe?" "." "Now, ifyou'll excuse me." "Hey, how about a picture ofthe two ofyou together?" "." "[ Man ] Yeah!" "Ah, so the living legend appears." "[ Dudek] Excuse me." "Which way to the dining room?" "." "[ Reporters Chattering ] [ Woman ] Not now." "Please, no more interviews this evening, please." "Mr. Clayton." "Here's the world's most legendary chess genius, comes out of retirement just to playyou, and you're not even curious enough-- Curiosity breeds sympathy, my friend." "And sympathy is one emotion a champion cannot afford on the night before the match." "Tomlin Dudekwill have mine soon enough." "Well, Mr. Clayton, good luck on tomorrow morning's match." "Thankyou." "Take care." "Excuse me." "Excuse me, please." "Thankyou." "Thankyou." "[Chattering Continues ]" "[Man ] Mr. Dudek goes directly back to his room." "He needs his rest." "I'm sure you understand." "I 'm sure they won't bother you anymore." "Are you al I right?" "." "[ Chuckles ]" "I 'm fine." "Are you all right, huh?" "." "I saw you looking at Clayton with such daggers." "Such emotion." "He is despicable." "He always was and he always will be." "You'll beat him, Mr. Dudek." "You will beat him at the only thing he really cares about." "[ Chuckles ]" "So much emotion." "Listen, my little arranger of chess matches, you go with the others, have something good to eat, go dancing, have a good time, huh?" "." "I only need something to read and maybe some fresh tobacco." "But I-- Please." "[Woman OverP.A. ] Please dial the operator." "Huh?" "." "Okay." "[ Chattering ]" "~~ [Soft ]" "[Dudek ] Mr. Clayton!" "You are Emmet Clayton, ofcourse." "[ Chuckles ] What a nice coincidence." "Hardly." "You noticed me in the hotel lobby, just as I noticed you." "And naturally, you knew I'd see you slip away, that I'd be curious, wondering what my opponent was up to on the night before our match." "You are very clever." "Linda Robinson has told me a great deal aboutyou." "She was correct." "Was she?" "." "Oh, please, please." "Sit down." "I only mention her as the person who arranged our little match, not as your ex-fiancee." "See, her mother and I were very, very good friends in the old country." "So I didn't thinkyou would be upset ifl mentioned her name." "I must warn you, Mr. Dudek." "I'm very aware ofyour blatant psychological warfare." "I'm quite immune to it." "Immune, you say." " Then why did you follow me here?" "." " Well, I" "Oh, please, please." "Nevermind." "Nevermind." "I'll let you in on a little secret." "There is something to which I am not immune." "Andhere theyhave the best in the whole town." "The hotel bellboyguarantees it." "Escargot." "Uh, snails." "Ah, snails stuffed with butter, garlic." "Good wine, French bread and snails." "[Laughing]" "Please, please, Mr. Clayton, I ask onlyyourgood company." " Huh?" "." " I'm very honored, sir." "Oh, incidentally," "I saw you slip out of the hotel at lunchtime too." "[ Boisterous Laughter]" "It is just that reactionary food which my doctor makes me eat in my room." "He goes to the fancy dining room." "I must eat sugar substitutes." "Uh, everything low calories." "[ Groans ]" "They aren't gonna harm you in anyway, are they?" "." "Ofcourse not." "I take my medications." "It is only that Berozski-- you know, our leader, mycoach, my, uh, nursemaid-- he's terrified that I will lose my concentration, that I will disgrace our country, that I will crack my tired brain." "Who knows?" "." "Well, chess is the ultimate test... ofthe human mind, isn't it?" "You think so?" "." "I always thought it was women." "Hmm?" "Queen's pawn opening." "Do I expect that tomorrow?" "." "Queen's gambit." "Declined." "~~ [ Continues ]" "Check." "[ Chuckles ]" "Your rook checks my king." "You are very aggressive." "I heard that about you." "Don't think I haven't studied every one ofyour games." "So, I move my king... to queen one, and now" "~~ [ Continues ]" "Damn music!" "But it's very good that you have that." "Then you are deafto everything except your own concentration." " Doubles it." " But you heard me say that." "I can lip-read... when I want to." "S'il vous plant!" "Gentlemen!" "Please!" "And now is my turn." "Check!" "All right, come on!" "I can't concentrate in this stale pit anyway." "Now, wait, Clayton." "I just happened to think something else." "You know, ifwe go into the lobby and Berozski sees me, he will put me to bed like a baby." "Is not good." "Also, ifhe sees us together... the night before the match, is also not good." "Well, there must be some otherway in." "Come on." "[ Machine Humming ]" "[Loud Grinding]" "Yes?" "." "What in the blazes doyou want?" "." "Mr. Clayton, excuse me." "I am Berozski." "Mazoor Berozski." "I took the liberty of calling you several times, sir, butyou were out." "Why?" "." "I was merely looking for Mr. Dudek." "I thought perhaps he had dropped by to meet his eminent adversary." "On the night before the match?" "." "Oh, come now, Berozski." "These little ploys ofyours to interrupt my sleep are about as subtle as a train wreck." "Don'tyou know where your man is?" "." "Mr. Clayton, I apologize." "It's just a small misunderstanding." "Please believe me." "It's" " It is just that the hotel is so large, sir." "My apologies, truly." "Good night, sir." "Good night, Mr." "[ Sighs ] I know that man." "He's probably already called the police, the military, the F.B.I." "Come on." "It's your move." "Ah, yes." "Yes, my move." "So" "And my queen will take your knight." "Surelyyou expected that." "And then your pawn must take my queen." "Otherwise, my queen would takeyourbishop, and you would be down two pieces." "Then my rook takes your rook." "Check." "And then you must interpose your bishop at king one." "And then my bishop... will take your pawn, threatening your queen." "And thereforeyour queen must take my bishop, at which point my rook takes your bishop." "Checkmate!" "[ Sighs, Chuckles ]" "[ Groans ]" "Oh, please, please." "Never mind." "Never mind." "It's just a bit ofluck." "It's nothing." "You have been distracted all evening." "I could see that." "Yes." "Perhaps there is one too many beautiful ladies here," "like Linda Robinson, perhaps?" "." "[Applause ]" "Tomorrow will be better when we both concentrate." "Please." "Butyou were exhausted." "You have been drinking." "Please!" "[ Pats Back ] Rest yourself, my friend." "[Applause ]" "[Applause Continues ]" "[Applause Continues ]" "[ Glass Shattering]" "I jum p you, you jump me." "That's no good." "Ah, take your time, Lieutenant." "On a Sunday morning what else would I be doing... except sleeping late, playing with my kids, watching a ball game." "Doc, I'm terribly sorry to getyou down here like that, but believe me, I've been an absolute bundle of nerves." "Forget it." "Go ahead." "Jump me." "Doc, you sure he's gonna be all right?" "." "I told you, that's the mildest anaesthetic in the book." "Boy." "You know, mywife went to visit her mother for a few days, and it's like everything was waiting for her to leave so it could happen to me." "First the kitchen sink, and then the pilot light on the stove." "I don't even know where the pilot light is." "And this thing wakes me up at 6:00 a.m. scratching that ear." "Scratch, scratch, scratch, always the same ear." "And last night-- I gotta tell you about last night." "Well, surprising that he could reach it." "What?" "." "Foxtails, Lieutenant." "I spend half my life pulling those out." "And of course with a low-slung model likeyours, well, hejustscoops 'em up like a vacuum cleaner." " He'll be around in a minute ortwo." " Vacuum cleaner?" "." "That reminds me, I didn't vacuum the rug." "[ Chuckles ]" "Well, anyway, last night-- last night, that was the worst." "For the first time in twoyears, I figured I'd finally get to go bowling." "My friend Harry's outside." "He's ready to go." "He's honking his horn." "What happens?" "." "I get a call." "Big emergency." "Some famous foreign chess player has disappeared." "[Snoring]" "Listen." "Didyou hearthat?" "So, uh, what happened?" "." "Well, before I got to headquarters, I got another call-- false alarm." "Not only is the gentleman not lying dead in the streets, butyou know where he told people he'd been?" "." "[ Snoring ] Listen." "There." "Did it again." " Where had the man been?" "." " Bowling." "The missing person went bowling." "Doc, that is a definite noise." "What is that?" "." "That, Lieutenant, is called snoring." "Hello?" "." "Aztec Airlines?" "." "[ Imitating Dudek's Accent ] I would like please to make a reservation to Mexico City." "I believe there's a plane-- Yes, yes, that's the one." "Oh, excuse me, please, but we have very poor connection." "One moment, please." "Please." "[ Whistling ]" "Uh, Dudek." "D-U-D-E-K." "Tomlin Dudek." "[ Ringing ] Hello?" "." "Yes." "Clay" " Clayton?" "." "What is the matter?" "." "You" " You want me to meetyou where?" "." "Clayton, I don't understand." "Clayton, can you hear me?" "." "Yeah." "What is the matter?" "." "Are you sick?" "." "Are you all right?" "." "You want me-- All right, all right." "Five minutes, please." "Clayton, five minutes, I will be right there, all right?" "." "Right." "Yes, all right." "All right." "Oh, excuse me." "Yes, is all right." "You" " You can go in the room." "Clayton!" "What are we doing here?" "." "Dudek." "Dudek, please, you've gotta help me." "I-I can't take it anymore." "She's making me feel so guilty." "I" " I can't sleep, I can't think, I-- I can't anything!" "I do not understand." "She thinks that she loves me, that I love her, that we're gonna get married." "I don't know what she thinks!" "Ah, there is a young lady who's making you so upset." "I can't hearyou." "I broke my damn hearing aid last night afteryou left, sitting up there alone." "I swear toyou, it was just a lark!" "A passing little affair!" "I never meant it to" "Dudek, look." "She's" " She's from your own country." "Could you write something for me in her own language?" "." "Anything." "I" "I'll" " I'll recopy it and-and send it to her." " What will I write?" "." " Well, I don't know." "Say--Just say..." "I-I'm sorry." "I was wrong." "I am very ashamed." "I--Just say anything." "Well, I" " I just couldn't face her." "Dudek, I'm sorry to have to putyou" "Uh-huh." "All right, all right." "[ Chuckles ]" "I understand." "The problems ofyou young people with your love affairs." "Thankyou, Dudek." "Thankyou." "[Machine Grinding Loudly] Clayton, calm yourself." "Now where are you going?" "." "Where are you going?" "." "The match." "I" " I just can't." "I'm sorry, Dudek." "I" "We postpone the match!" "We merely tell them that we mutually agreed to postpone it for a few days." "All right?" "." "Come on, Clayton, please." "What are you doing with my bag?" "." "[ Screaming ]" "[ Grinding Continues ]" "[ GrindingStops ]" "[ Crowd Chattering ]" "Please, ladies and gentlemen." "Please." "If I don't mind my distinguished challenger being 20 minutes late, why should you?" "." "After all, it is my neck he's supposed to be after." "[ Scattered Chuckles ]" "While we're waiting, let's warm up a bit, shall we?" "." "I'll play any five ofyou at once." "Or 1 0, ifyou like." "Keeping it friendly, of course." "[ Crowd Laughing ]" "[Man ] Hey, Lieutenant?" "Well, hello, Sergeant." "They got you too, huh?" "." "Yeah." "What is it with this guy, keeps disappearing?" "." "They found him a little early this time." "That's him they're carting away right now." "[ Siren Wailing ]" "He was coming through down here." "He must have slipped." "There's some grease on the floor up there." "Wait a minute." "That big chess match-- thatwas supposed to be this morning?" "." "That's right." "What was the man doing in the basement?" "." "Apparently trying to make an easy exit." "I don't understand." "Well, he-- he had a cabbie waiting for him outside the service entrance." "A cabbie was waiting for Mr. Dudek?" "." "That's right." "You wanna bring that guy in?" "." "You were waiting for a Mr. Dudek?" "." "Yeah, that was the name, sir." "He had a foreign accent, the dispatcher said." "I don't know." "Uh, I was a little late in getting here" "Doyou know where you were gonna take him?" "." "Yeah, International Airport." "Okay, thanks a lot." "You bet." "This where he fell, huh?" "." "Yeah, that's right." "[ Columbo ] What kindofa machine is this anyway?" "That's the latest gizmo for a clean environment." "Chews up everything-- bottles, cans." "Here, I'll show you." "[ Machine Whirring ]" "[ Machine Grinding ]" "That's enough." "I get the idea." "Accident, you say, while sneaking out ofthe hotel, like some criminal... on his wayto the airport?" "." "I say nonsense." "Mr. Berozski, he was carrying his flight bag and the cab driver" "Enough!" "All this at the very hour he was to prove himselfagain... the greatest master of chess who ever lived?" "." "You are a fool, sir." "Excuse me." "Yeah." "Tell me." "What is your rank?" "." "Lieutenant?" "." "Lieutenant." "Mr. Berozski, this is Lieutenant Columbo, homicide department." "A full lieutenant." "How doyou do, sir?" "." "Well, Lieutenant, I shall rely... thatyour investigative imagination is somewhat better... than that ofyourunderling." "Excuse me one moment." "What is that word?" "." "What?" "." "Oh. "Dentures!" Dentures." "Pardon me." "Uh, actually, sir, from what I know about chess players, that is, the important ones, they're sort oflike geniuses." "Unpredictable and erratic." "And this man, he was under great stress." "Now maybe the psychological strain that he was" "Nonsense." "Again nonsense." "You did tell Sergeant Douglas here that Mr. Dudek traveled with his own personal physician." "Does he have a record of erratic behavior?" "." "Dr.Jalnik is not a psychiatrist." "He's whatyou call a general practitioner." "Mr. Dudek is not a well man." "He has diabetes." "But we always have personal physician attending, just as we always have Anton there," "Mr. Dudek's valet andphysical instructor." " And you, sir?" "." " I beg your pardon?" "." "May I ask what you do, sir?" "." "I assume you're in charge." "I'm the coach to Tomlin Dudek." "Coach?" "." "You mean like a football team, something like that?" "." "That kind of coach?" "." "Is hardly the same, Lieutenant." "Offiicer?" "Mayl talk toyou fora moment?" "Yes, ma'am." "Excuse me." "I" " I can't explain what might have happened, but I" " I've been with Tomlin Dudek for months now, ever since I set up this match." "Mymotherknewhim foryears andyears before that." "So I can tellyou, Offiicer, Mr. Dudek would neversneak away, not from any obligation, and certainly not from any chess match with Emmet Clayton." "[ Sighs ] Ma'am, are you all right?" "." "Would you like to go up toyour room?" "." "Maybeyou'll feel better." "Lie down?" "." "[Knocking]" "Ifthat is the press, I have no statement." "They are not to be permitted." "Say, what's in this thing here?" "." "The usual stuff a guy picks up when he's in a hurry-- toilet articles, pajamas, couple of extra shirts." "Like Isaid, Offiicer, I'm Mr. Williams with the hotel, in charge ofthe chess tournament." "It's all right, Gary." "Excuse me, Mr. Berozski." "Yes, Mr. Clayton." "What can I do for you?" "." "This envelope was in my room." "The maid said she found it under my door." "We noticed the engraved stationery, sir." "We haven't opened it." "It's one of our official envelopes." "Excuse me, sir." "Doyou mind ifl read that?" "." "You're the champion, aren'tyou?" "." "I wanna say it's a great honor to meetyou." "I've got a cousin up there in Albany." "Hewears thick glasses and thinks you're the greatest thing in theworld." "That makes two ofthem." " Hello, Linda." " The envelope, Lieutenant." "Oh, yes." "Excuse me." "Oh." "Can you translate that for me, please?" "." ""I'm sorry." "I was wrong," ""andnow I am veryashamed." "Please forgive me!"" "Wrong?" "." "Did he mean wrong to come here?" "." "To tryforthis match?" "Oh, that poor tortured man." "Is that Mr. Dudek's handwriting?" "." "Well, sir, I'm afraid that does look like the explanation, doesn't it?" "." "I'm sorry, but I can't accept that." "He wasn't afraid ofyou, Emmet." "He wasn't!" "Mr. Berozski." "I know howyou must feel." "Please accept my deepest sympathy." "[ Sighs ]" "Tomlin Dudek was a great genius." "He'll be remembered for many, manyyears by every chess player in the world." "Excuse me, Mr. Clayton." "You're talking as though Mr. Dudekwere already dead." "What?" "." "Well, of course he's very badly injured." "He's critical." "But as far as we know, he's still alive." "Well, we-- I just assumed that" "Everyone downstairs, uh-- Well, we know so little that" "Dr.Jalnik accompanied him in the ambulance." "We do still have hope." "We must have hope." "We should all be thankful... ifthere's even a slight chance that he might live." "[ Speaking Russian ]" "Uh, Mr. Berozski, sir?" "." "Sir?" "." "[ Russian Continues ]" " Excuse me forjust one moment." " Lieutenant, I already told you, you may leave." "Yes, sir." "I understand that." "I'll tell you what I was wondering about." "Ifyouplease!" "I'm talking with my embassy." "What's that?" "." "I think this is Mr. Dudek's shirt." "I found it in the laundry sack in there." "So?" "Well, what I was wondering was, can a diabetic eat garlic?" "." "I mean,you toldme that he was a diabetic." "[ Russian ]" "Garlic?" "." "Of course garlic is all right." "Why not garlic?" "." "Sir, I don't believe" "[ Russian ] It's very noticeable." "I mean, you can smell it all over the cuffs here." "He did wear this shirt last night, didn't he?" "." "And garlic was not on his diet." "Sir, look, I can understand the position you're in." "I mean, ifthe man got hit by a truck, thatwouldn't beyourfault." "But, uh, ifhewent out and he ate something that hewasn't supposed to eat and he got sick" "I will not have it insinuated that I was in anyway remiss in taking care ofTomlin Dudek." "I'm not insinuating anything." "Nothing." "Absolutely." "Honestly." "You know, all I wanna do, I justwanna have this shirt analyzed." "Itwon't takevery long." "It's a routine process." "Strictly routine." "Nothing to it." "Sergeant, would you have that shirt analyzed for me?" "." "Thankyou very much." "Um" "Nowyou listen, Lieutenant." "I'm not responsible." "Anton, did you or did you not last night... order for Mr. Dudek his proper prescribed dinner?" "." "Yes, sir, I did." "But just the dishes on the doctor's list." "I saw no garlic." "So!" "We already know that Dudek slipped out by himself somewhere last night." "So he didn't tell us the truth about where he went to eat his garlic." "So who is responsible, huh?" "." "Tell me something." "Why areyou still here?" "." "You are homicide!" "No one has died." "Why don'tyou go home?" "." "Yes, sir." "Go home!" "What doyou care about garlic, about shirts?" "." "What?" "." "I'm glad you asked that question, sir." "Uh,just give me one moment, would you?" "." "Um" "Dentures." "Right." "Dentures?" "." "What?" "." "What?" "." "Those are false teeth." "Den" " Dentures." "Dentures." "Now, he does wear false teeth, doesn't he?" "." "So?" "." "Seems that the ambulance driver found them." "Well, I never had that problem yet myself, but, uh" "I remember somebody mentioned toilet articles." "Uh, bearwith me one second." "Ah, yes." "Here we are." "Just an ordinary toothbrush." "Now, it seems to me" "See, my grandfather, he wore dentures ever since he was 40." "And as far as I can recall, he never used just an ordinary toothbrush." "What is it?" "." "Sir, I" "I'm afraid, sir, that..." "this is my toothbrush." " This is?" "." " We share the bathroom." "You see, I am Mr. Dudek's physical trainer." "Never mind." "Lieutenant, then Tomlin Dudek could not have packed his own suitcase." "That's what I was trying to get around to, sir, yes." "And ifsomebody else packed it who didn't know that he wore dentures, then" "Then his accident was not an accident." "I, uh, thoughtyou'd like to know, sir, that, uh," "I think that is a possibility, yes." "Is, uh, Mr. Dudek out ofsurgeryyet?" "." "No, sir." "They're still at it, I'm afraid." "Um, if everything goes all right, how long will it be before he's... conscious and able to communicate?" "." "Oh, I wouldn't presume to make a guess like that, sir." "At least 1 0 to 24 hours, though, I'm sure." "Oh." "I see." "Thankyou." "What happened?" "." "Oh, he just gave me this list... to take back to the hotel to get some more medications from his hotel room." "Medications?" "." "Even ifhe does make it through the operation, Mr. Dudek will still need his daily injections-- the diabetes, the circulatory regulator." "Emmet, ifhe shoulddie, Ijust" "You can't take all the blame for this mess." "You know, Dudek and I ran into each other last night." "We even wound up liking each other, ifyou can believe that paradox." "Ah, of course, naturally, both of us being addicts, we couldn't resist a couple of quick games." "And you know me, and you're right." "When I can win, I do win." "I suppose it must have shaken his confidence." "I didn't realize how much." "Emmet, I didn't know." "You-- Linda." "Don'tyou thinkyou ought to get that stuffto Dr.Jalnik?" "." "There's no hurry." "He doesn't needit before 7:00." "[ Scoffs ] Wow, this is unpronounceable language." "I just have to stay here until I know he's out of surgery." "Well, you've put up with me long enough." "I can't say I blameyou." "Hello, Mr. Clayton." "I guess I just missed you upstairs." "Oh, I was-- [ Chuckles ]" "I was just trying to compose a little note to send up with some flowers." "Oh, I don't think they'll allow any flowers in thereyet, sir." "Probablyjust as well." "Frankly, I-- I have great difficulty to-- to find the appropriate words for the occasion." "Well, if-- ifyou'll excuse me, Lieutenant." "Mr. Clayton!" "Your pen." "You left it on the seat there." "Oh." "Thankyou." "Just that little running." "Boy, I'm in lousy shape." "Listen, uh, would you like to get some ice cream?" "." "What doyou sayyou and I go and get some ice cream and get our minds off this whole thing just for a minute?" "." "What doyou say?" "." "Ifyou're able to do that, Lieutenant, you're a better man than I." "Well, I" " I'm gonna tell you the truth, sir." "What I really had in mind is I justwanted to getyou someplace and getyou talkin' about chess, and I thought I'd maybe pick up some free pointers, 'cause I'd love to learn the game." "Ifyou'd love to learn the game, I suggest a correspondence course." "Taxi!" "Oh,you don't have a car?" "Oh, goodheavens." "Here." "Come along with me." "I'm parked right over there." "These fellas here, they'll charge you a fortune." "Look, Lieutenant, I'm quite capable offinding my own way back to the hotel." "Mr. Clayton, I better be truthful with you." "I can't get this mess off my mind either, no more-- no more than you can." "And I would appreciate it very much, sir, ifyou'd ride along with me." "Obviously, you have a fine mind and" " I'm gonna be frank-- there are a couple ofthings that I'm really muddled about." "Oh?" "." "In what way?" "." "Well, for instance, doyou remember that sad, confused little note... that Mr. Dudek pushed underneath your door?" "." "I don't understand that." "Well, as upset as he must have been, I-- it's a wonder he was able to write anything at all." "Yes." "Right." "Yes." "I'll tell you what I don't understand most about it though." "Ifthe man is sitting in his room with his own official stationery, and he seals the note in his own official envelope, how come he wrote the note itself... on just some plain little piece ofwhite paper from a pad?" "." "You're asking me why someone in an irrational state failed to act in a rational manner." "Obviously, he scribbled on whateverwas at hand." "Except that, uh, I couldn't find a notepad like that anywhere in his room, and I looked everywhere." "I mean, now doyou see what I mean?" "." "Uh, this way, sir." "Right here." "You see, it's, uh-- it's just picayune little things like that." "Now, for instance, here's another one." "See whatyou can make ofthis." "And just because of a wrongly packed toothbrush, you're ready to imply attempted murder?" "." "A far more logical assumption would be... that some stupid bellhop packed his bags for him and just threw in the wrong toothbrush." "You know, you're right." "I never thought about that." "Thankyou very much." "Oh, listen." "There's something I can check out with you right now, ifyou don't mind." "I understand you were five or six minutes lateyourselfto that match this morning." "It is my habit, Lieutenant, to take a briskwalk before an important match." "As it happens, this morning I stopped to pick up a new transistor for my hearing aid." "It went out on me last night." "~~ [ Humming ]" "I wonderwhy he didn't sign it." " Sign what?" "." " That note he put underyour door, sir." "He didn't sign it." "Well, I suppose he assumed we'd-- well, we'd know it came from him, which we did." "Right." "I wish I could figure out someone whowould benefit from his death." "I thinkyou've got something there, Lieutenant." "Lieutenant, you just missed the turn-in to the hotel." "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry." "Uh, let me see." "I think ifl go down here a few blocks and make a right, I'll be all right." "There's a terrific restaurant around here, and I'm famished." "What doyou think?" "." "I told you I'm not hungry." "Ifyou'd just kindly drive me back to my hotel, I'd be most grateful." "Not hungry at all?" "." "You don'twanna keep me company?" "." "I'm just gonna grab a bite." "Oh, there it is." "You don't really mind stopping here for a moment, doyou?" "." "Kind of dark in here, isn't it?" "." "Mmm." "Something sure smells good." "Anybody home?" "." "This booth all right?" "." "Hmm?" "." "Oh, fine." "Haveyou ever had snails?" "." "Yes, I'm quite fond ofthem." "You're gonna love these." "Sir!" "Coming, monsieur." "Partial to French foods, areyou, Lieutenant?" "." "I like fish, anything that comes out ofthe water." "Good afternoon, gentlemen." "Your pleasure today?" "." "We'll have two orders of snails." "Deuxplats des escargots." "Was it a good photograph?" "." " Beg pardon, sir?" "." " The one this gentleman or one ofhis cohorts showed you." "Was it flattering?" " Oui, monsieur." "Oui." " Good." "You can make that one order." "Now that he's identified me, which is whyyou brought me here," "I don't suppose you have any further questions." "I have a further question." "Fine." "Lieutenant, you're a pleasant enough man." "You work hard, and I respectyourmotivations." "But please, stop this pretense." "Would you excuse us for a moment, please?" "." "Oui." "Oui, monsieur." "Why did you conceal the fact that you and Dudek met here in the restaurant?" "." "I didn't conceal it." "You certainly didn't volunteer it." "We started checking out French restaurants... because we found garlic stains on Mr. Dudek's shirt." "What it boils down to, if someone didn't get lucky... and smell garlic on the shirtsleeves ofa diabetic, we neverwould have known you two were here." "Well, why didn'tyou ask me?" "." "Or Miss Robinson?" "." " Miss Robinson knew about it?" "." " No, I told her about it." "She's at the hospital now." "There's a phone there." "Call her, check it out." " You're not going to call her?" "." " No." "You see, you were wrong..." "about my concealing information." "Bit warm in here." "Did you notice?" "." "[ Clattering] Oh, dear." "Almost forgot." "There's something I wanted to show you." "Kind of scares me, carrying this around." "It looks so valuable." "It's very beautiful." "They tell me these are all hand carved." "Solid ivory." "Very old." "Knight, bishop, rook, pawn." "You know, I'll tell you why I brought this here." "It wasn't just because it was so beautiful." "Uh" "This particular set belongs to Tomlin Dudek, and that bothered me." " As a matter offact, I couldn't sleep last night." " Really?" "." "Mmm." "Yeah, seems to me that ifan artist takes a trip, well, he's gonna bring a sketchpad, he's gonna bring his pencil." "Ifa pool player goes somewhere, he's gonna take his pool cue." "I couldn't figure out, whywould a great chess player forget to pack his chess set, particularly ifit was a valuable one?" "." "That's a very telling observation." " Doyou think so?" "." " I do." "Whatyou're saying is that someone with intent to murder packed his bag, someone who didn't know that he always carried his chess set with him." "I wouldn't do a thing like that, not in a million years." "You see, I always carry my chess set with me." "Here it is." "Hmm." "Can't arguewith that logic." "There's one other question, Mr. Clayton." "Why did you tell Miss Robinson instead oftelling the police?" "." "Uh, excuse me one moment, Lieutenant." "Proprietor?" "." "Wouldyou mindcoming back here a moment, please?" "Oui, monsieur?" "I was here last night with another gentleman." "Is that right?" "." "Oui, monsieur." "I've said so to the police." "And, uh, we were playing chess... on this tablecloth, in this booth." "You were quite annoyed." "[ Chuckles ]" "Uh, yes, sir." "Yes." "Would you mind telling us who won that game of chess?" "." " Beg pardon, sir?" "." " Who won?" "." "Who lost?" "." " Uh" " I was kind ofwondering that myself." "Well, a-all I know is I was" "I was, uh, standing at the table, pouring the wine... when the little, round gentleman with the accent, he pushed forward the salt, and, uh, this gentleman pushed out the pepper," "and pretty soon theywere pushing all the things on the table, and I didn't know what theywere doing." "Lateron, I-I foundout that theywere playing chess." "But I have neverseen anything like that." "As to who won or who lost, je ne sais pas-- I don't know." "Thank you." "You've been most helpful." "Oui, monsieur." "I won that game." "If I could have trusted the police to keep it confidential, I would have told you, but for20 bucks, anyreporter could buythat story." "Now, it maynot make any diffierence toyou, Lieutenant, but it certainly does to me." "T omlin Dudek was a great chess player, and at this time, it would have been tasteless, cruel and unnecessary... to even mention the existence," "let alone the result of a match which he lost." "Now, does that answer your questions, Lieutenant?" "It certainly does, sir, and I can see how strongly you feel about it." "So you beat him... right here, in this booth, on a tablecloth." " Correct." " Too bad you didn't bring your portable chess set." "I left it at the hotel." "I was going out for dinner, so I forgot it." "You wouldn't arrest me for that, would you, Lieutenant?" "." "Lot of people forgetting chess sets these days." "Now, Mr. Clayton, your story is very, very sound." "All we have to do now is just wait for Mr. Dudek to recover so he can verify it." "[Buzzing] Must be coming from you." "Hmm?" "." "Oh!" "Yeah." "[BuzzingStops ] Yeah, it's this thing here." "One ofthe doctors loaned it to me at the hospital, in case he wants to get me in a hurry." "I need a telephone." "Is there a telephone?" "Phone?" "." "Do you have a phone?" "." "Your phone." "[Proprietor] Bythe cash register." "Thankyou." "Hello?" "." "Uh, this is Lieutenant Columbo." "My number here is 5" "What was that?" "Oh, sure." "Absolutely." "Put me right through." "She can put me right through." "She's ringing now." "Hello." "Doctor?" "." "Yes, sir." "Lieutenant Columbo." "But he is gonna be all right?" "." "He's moving." "Ah, that's terrific." "Allright." "I'llbe right over." "Thankyou, sir." "Thankyou verymuch." "See, my dog had a little operation, and the vet was kind of upset because I had to leave him there, but he's just fine, he's moving around." "He says his tail's moving a mile a minute, so that's terrific." "I-I'm gonna run along." "Mr. Clayton." "Small world." "Listen, I was just up to see Mr. Berozski." "I returned that chess set." "He had some very nice things to say aboutyou." "That's very kind ofhim." "[ElevatorBell Dinging] Any news of Mr. Dudek?" "." "Oh, yes, some very good news, sir." "Dr.Jalnik called from the hospital." "He said that Dudek is out of surgery, and it looks good." ""Stable" is what he said." "All the vital functions look stable." "Thank heaven." "Doyou know if Miss Robinson and the doctor are gonna come back here now?" "." "I don't know about Miss Robinson." "The doctor's gonna stay at the hospital." "He's a pretty conscientious guy." "Say, I called you a little earlier on the house phone, butyou seemed to be out someplace." "Well?" "." "Well, you probablywon't even remember this, sir, but, uh" "Sir, you aren't champion theyou're." "I beg your pardon?" "." "Very first sentenceyou ever said to me, Lieutenant... backwards." "That was the backwards ofthe very first thing I said toyou?" "." "You can remember that?" "." "I wish you could rememberwhatyou were going to say to me, Lieutenant." "I'm afraid I'm in a bit ofa hurry." "Well, that's a terrific feat." "No, that's really remarkable." "I've never seen that done before." "Oh, yes." "What I was going to say toyou." "What was that?" "." "Oh." "About your hearing aid, yes." "You told me thatyou went to get it fixed, and that's whyyou were a few minutes late to the chess match." "Well, you were right about that, sir." "Supreme Optical and Medical Supply Company, three blocks down the line." "They confirmed that." "Thankyou, Lieutenant." "[ElevatorBell Dinging]" "Oh!" "Mr. Clayton." "Gee, I almost forgot." "This is fascinating." "You know, we found Mr. Dudek's chess journal." "I want to tell you, you chess players are a remarkable bunch." "Apparently, what he did-- he recorded every game, every move he ever played." " Do you do that?" "." " Yes, but only the important matches." "Remarkable." "What a memory." "Naturally, I was interested in the game in the French restaurant, and sure enough, there it was." "Back ofthe book, the verylast game he recorded." "Thoughtyou might be interested." "Um, no names." "J ust the date" " Wednesday, October 20, black versus white, and every move." "Here on the last page, I notice that black resigned on the 41 st move." " Is that about the way it happened?" "." " Obviously." "Huh." "I'll tell you why I'm confused." "It's because I remember the proprietor saying that he came over to the table, and he was pouring the wine." "And when the game started, the little, round fellow with the accent pushed out the salt, and then you responded with the pepper." " So I thought thatyou were black." " No." "Hmm." "Just wanted to get that cleared up." "Thankyou very much." "Not at all." "[Bell Dinging]" "I'm sorry." "I didn't know about the medicines." "No, no, it's all right." "He gave me a list." "Just a few more things." "[ Rings ]" "Yes?" "." "Hello toyou too, but" "Oh." "Okay." "Lieutenant?" "." "Lieutenant, it's foryou." "Doyou mind?" "." "Yes, I would." "[ Barks ]" "Columbo." "Yes, Sergeant." "What?" "." "Sure, I can." "I can get over there right now." "Yes, I'm leaving right now, immediately." "And don't forgetyour friend." "Doc, ifyou don't mind, just a little while longer." "I've got a crisis." "I've got to go over to the hospital right now." "Lieutenant Columbo?" "." "I'm Dr. Sullivan." "He's right down here." "[ Monitor:" "Erratic Beeping ]" "What's happened?" "." "I don't know." "He was looking so stable, then suddenly something just-- What doyou mean, "something"?" "." "He was given his necessary injections 40 minutes ago." "Fifteen minutes later, this started happening." "[BodyJerking]" "[Erratic Beeping Continues ]" "Joe?" "." " We ain't winning'." "[BodyJerks ] [Jalnik ] Tomlin!" "Tomlin!" "Tomlin!" "[ Muttering ]" "[ Speaking Russian ]" "Can you hear me?" "." "Tomlin!" "Tomlin!" "[Erratic Beeping]" "[Monitor:" "Sustained Tone ]" "Is he gone?" "." "[Tone Stops ]" "Dr. Sullivan?" "." "Somebody tried to kill this man once." "That's why he's here." "Do you have an explanation for this?" "." "No, sir, I don't." "It's baffling." "It sure is." "What about those injections Dr.Jalnik gave him?" "." "Why, he's had those medications before, and he's come through perfectly fine." "They couldn't have anything to do with it?" "." "No, sir." "The last set that he gave him-- did they come from outside the hospital?" "." "Yes, sir." "That's right." "I want to see those syringes." "I want to bring 'em down to the lab." "I want my people to be able to-- I'm sorry, Lieutenant." "Theywere disposable." "Ifthey're empty, they're taken out ofthe room immediately." "That's hospital safety rules." "Statement?" "." "Reaction?" "." "Regarding what?" "." "[Jenkins ] Tomlin Dudek is dead." "I just heard it from another reporter at the hospital." "Oh, no." "When?" "." "I just called over there to check, and they told me-- It just happened?" "." "Oh, he died just 1 0 minutes ago, sir." "So any statementyou'd like to" "No." "No, I-I'm just too shocked right now." "I'm sorry." "Maybe later?" "." "Yeah." "Yeah, perhaps later." "Bye." "Miss Robinson?" "." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I" "May I sit down for a moment?" "." "I know it's a bad time, and I know you'd rather be alone." "It'll only take a moment." "Of course." "Thankyou." "Mr. Berozski's saying that everything that happened to Mr. Dudekwasn't an accident." "He was such a gentleman." "He had no enemies, Mr., uh-- I'm sorry." "Columbo." "I'm afraid he did have at least one enemy, ma'am." "Just bearwith me for one moment." "Uh, those medications thatyou brought to Dr.Jalnik in the hospital?" "." "Did you give them to the doctor directly?" "." "Yes." "You personally handed it to him?" "." "A list of medicines that he gaveyou soyou'd know what to bring him" "Did anyone else see that list?" "." "No." "Areyou sure?" "." "Why doyou ask?" "." "Areyou sure?" "." "Didn'tyou talkwith Mr. Clayton at the hospital?" "." "Didn't he tell you about meeting Dudek in the French restaurant, playing chess?" "." "Wasn't that the time thatyou had that list?" "." "Uh, yes, he did see the list, but he only glanced at it for a second or two." "How did he see it?" "." "Um-- Show me how he saw it." "Make believe this is the list." "The list was on my lap." "He said to hurry up and, uh, get the me-medications." "And then he took the list, but he gave it right back." "He actually picked up the list?" "." "He held it in his hand?" "." "He picked it up like this and held it?" "." "Yeah,just likeyou did." "Well, he gave it right back." "Thankyou very much." "[ Motor Humming ]" "[ Loud Clattering ]" "Hey, Frank!" "Give me a hand up here, will ya?" "." "Garbage." "Garbage." "Hey, how'd you get here?" "." "Get outta here!" "Beat it!" "Hey, I'm sorry." "He's mine." "He enjoys garbage." "I don't know why." " What's his name?" "." " I don't know." "He doesn't like any of the ones I give him, so call him anything." " Hey, hey!" " Hey!" "Hey!" "Holdhim!" "[ Whining ] Oh!" "Okay, fella." "Okay, fella." "Great." "Oh." "That was close, wasn't it?" "." "Hmm?" "." "Ah, dog like that wouldn't get hurt much in there." "Wouldn't get hurt?" "." "What's the matterwith you?" "." "Mashed up in that thing." "Fella, take it easy." "Let me showyou something." "Watch this." "[MotorStops ]" "It's a safety device." "Anything hits there when she's grinding up, off she goes." " It turns itself off?" "." " Sure." "Just load it up, hit the switch." "[MotorHumming]" "[ CrushingSounds ]" "Again, Lieutenant?" "." "This is the final gathering." "What betterway to pay tribute to that great Tomlin Dudek?" "." "These ladies and gentlemen are here byspecial invitation." "Among them are some ofthe" "What is it, Lieutenant?" "." "I didn't realize that you were in the middle of this." "I'll wait till later." "I don't wanna disturbyou." "Uh-huh." "You do that," "and it's mate." "Now, whatwereyou saying, Lieutenant?" "." "Oh, I don't want to, uh, throwyour concentration, sir." "Not a chance." "Well, why don'tyou makeyour next move?" "." "No, please, go on." "The game that I'm really concerned about is the game thatyou had with Dudek in the French restaurant." "You see, everything is motive, sir." "Ifyou had lost that game" "I told you, Lieutenant, I didn't lose." "I also told you that Linda Robinson would confirm that." "Rook... takes pawn." "But, you see, sir, that's onlywhatyou said, and, technically, that's hearsay." "She wasn't actually there." "Lieutenant." "I have 1 0 games going at once." "Loathe as you are to rely on hearsay," "I suggestyou judge foryourself my humble abilities." "Ah, I seeyou putyourself in the same pickle as Alekhine... in one ofhis matches against, uh, Nimzovich in 1 91 4." "There's that memory again." "That's really amazing." "I really mean that." "[Man] Rook to kingbishop." "Mistake, my friend." "You fell into the trap." "There." "Now, I wantyou to think about that." "And ifyou'd like to have some supper this evening, I suggest thatyou resign." "Well, you certainly are proving it, sir." "There's no question about it." "Well, thankyou, Lieutenant." "Capablanca used to play 30 opponents simultaneously." "In 1 922, Frank Marshall played 1 55 games simultaneously, and lost only eight." "One week later, he replayedeverysingle move of 153 games... perfectly." "Uh, what I meant, sir, is that you've proven your ability to memorize Dr.Jalnik's medication list... with only a glance or two." "That's an amazing thing to be able to do." "No, no." "Another two moves, and you'll" "Oh, Isee." "Allright." "Let's trythat." "There." "Now, you work on that." "What are you talking about, Lieutenant?" "." "What glance or two?" "." "Areyou trying to imply that I copiedJalnik's medication list?" "That's not only reaching, it's defamatory." "Check." "No, sir, I said "memorized!" I didn't say "copied!" You brought that up." "But come to think ofit,you know, maybe that's whatyou were doing." "Remember when I sawyou in the hospital?" "You were sitting there and you were writing." "Maybe you were copying." " You're absurd." " Excuse me, Mr. Clayton, sir?" "." "Could you?" "." "Certainly." "About your pen, sir?" "." "Thankyou, Mr. Clayton." "Thankyou." "Sir?" "." "Aboutyour pen" "Do you rememberwhen you left it at the hospital on the seat, and I came running afteryou to return it?" "." "Check." "Well, I took the liberty" "Ah, new game." "Yes, sir." "I took the liberty, before I ran afteryou with the pen, to scribble with it on some paper." "That's very clever ofyou, Lieutenant." "The boy down there at the lab, he tells me it's definitely the same ink... andpossiblythe verysame pen... that Mr. Dudek used to write his farewell note with." "Innuendo." "Insinuation." "Circumstantial trivia." "That could be true, sir, but ifyou put it all together, maybe the grand jurywill feel differently." "Doyou really think that the finest chess player in the world... wouldmake even halfthe mistakes thatyou ascribe to me?" "[Man ] Mr. Clayton, sir?" "I-I'm afraid that's check and mate, sir." "What?" "." "J ust a foolish blunder." "It could happen to anybody." "All right, now, prove it to me." "Prove it." "Prove something!" "Prove it!" "What the devil is this place?" "." "This is the basement, sir." "This equipment here is the latest thing in clean environment." "Takes bottles, cans, all kinds of garbage and crushes them up." "Now, Mr. Clayton, right there at the top ofthe stairs, [MachineryChugging Loudly] that's where Dudek fell." "Hit the chute, slid down, came to this machinery." "Now, ifyou were the murderer" "[ Shouting ] If." "Will you give me proof, Lieutenant?" "." "I didn't sayyou were the murderer." "I said, ifyou were the murderer" "I-- Wait!" "Listen." "It could have passed for a terrific accident." "Where is your proof, Lieutenant?" "." "It could have been a perfect murder." "Will you give me the proof?" "." "[ Enunciating Slowly] Can you read my lips now?" "." "Mr. Clayton." "[ Shouting ] I wanted to tell you that this machine... turns itself off automatically!" "That's whyDudek wasn't killed when he fell." "Machine just shut off." "Will you stop this rambling conjecture and get out of myway!" "[ Motor Stops ]" "[ Shouting ] Why are you detaining me, Lieutenant?" "." "[ Shouting ] It would be easier ifl did not have to shout, but the damn machine!" "Well, turn the damn thing off." "I'll tell you what bothered me." "What bothered me was, ifsomeone pushes a man into a grinding machine in orderto kill him, then the machine suddenly stops, why doesn't he turn the machine back on again?" "." "The switch is right overthere." "Then I remembered thatyou told me your hearing aid went out the night before, and you only got it fixed the next morning." "Now I understand." "You didn't turn it back on again becauseyou never knew it was off." "You didn't hearit go offithen, just likeyou didn't hearit go offinow." "I'm sorry, Mr. Clayton, but along with all the other trivial evidence that we've talked about, the murderer in this case just had to be a deaf man."