"Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt" "I can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want" "I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on" "Privet Drive" "I can't take all of these muggles but despite all of my struggles" "I'm still alive" "I'm sick of summer and this waiting around man it's September and I'm skipping this town" "Hey it's no mystery there's nothing here for me now" "I gotta get back to Hogwarts" "I gotta get back to school" "I gotta get myself to Hogwarts" "Where everybody knows I'm cool" "Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts" "It's all that I love and it's all that I need at" "Hogwarts, Hogwarts" "I think I'm going back" "I'll see my friends gonna laugh 'till we cry" "Take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky" "No way this year anyone's gonna die and it's gonna be totally awesome" "I'll cast some spells with the flick of my wand" "Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah bring it on and do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome" "Ron:" "Yeah, and it's gonna be totally awesome!" "Did somebody say Ron Weasley?" "Harry:" "What's up buddy?" "Ron:" "Hey, what's up?" "Harry:" "What's up buddy?" "Hey, sorry it took me so long to get here Harry:" "What's up buddy?" "Hey, sorry it took me so long to get here" "I had to go get some..." "Floo Powder but uh, we gotta get going- come on get your trunk let's go" "Where we going?" "To Diagon Alley of course!" "Harry:" "Cool!" "Ron:" "Come on!" "Harry:" "Cool!" "Ron:" "Come on!" "Floo Powder power!" "Floo Powder power!" "Floo Powder power!" "Floo Powder power!" "It's been so long, but we're going back" "Don't go for work, don't go there for class" "As long as we're together, gonna kick some ass and it's gonna be totally awesome!" "This year we'll take everybody by storm stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm" "Hermione:" "But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our O.W.L.s" "God Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzzkill?" "Because guys, school's not all about having fun" "We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards" "I may be frumpy but I'm super smart" "Check out my grades, they're A's for a start!" "What I lack in looks well I make up in heart and well guys, yeah that's totally awesome!" "This year I plan to study a lot" "Ron:" "That would be cool if you were actually hot!" "Harry:" "Hey Ron, come on, we're the only friend's that she's got" "Harry:" "And that's cool" "Hermione:" "And that's totally awesome Harry:" "And that's cool" "Yeah, it's so cool, and it's totally awesome!" "We're sick of summer and this waiting around it's like we're sitting in the lost and found" "Don't take no sorcery for anyone to see how" "We gotta get back to Hogwarts!" "We gotta get back to school" "We gotta get back to Hogwarts" "Where everything is magic-cooool" "Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts" "It's all that I love and it's all that I need at" "Hogwarts, Hogwarts" "I think we're going back" "Ginny:" "Ron...!" "You're supposed to take me to Madame Malkin's and use those sickles mom gave you for my robe fitting!" "Harry:" "Uh who's this?" "This is stupid little dumb sister Ginny." "She's a freshmen." "Ginny, this is Harry." "Harry Potter" "This is Harry Potter" "You're Harry Potter... you're The Boy Who Lived" "Yeah, and you're Ginny" "It's Ginevra" "Cool..." "Ginny's fine" "Stupid sister!" "Don't crowd the famous friend" "Hermione:" "Hey, do you guys hear music or something?" "Harry:" "Music?" "What are you talking about?" "Ron:" "Yeah, someone's coming Harry:" "Music?" "What are you talking about?" "Ron:" "Yeah, someone's coming" "Harry:" "Someone's coming..." "Cho Chang!" "Domo arigato." "Cho Chang!" "Gung Hey Fat, Choy Chang" "Happy, happy New Year" "Cho Chang!" "Ginny:" "Whoa... who's that?" "Harry:" "That's Cho Chang" "Ron:" "That's the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshmen year" "Hermione:" "Yeah but he won't say anything to her" "Ron:" "Well yeah, you never tell a girl you like her it makes you look like an idiot" "Ginny:" "Konnichiwa Cho Chang" "It is good to meet you." "I am Ginny Weasley" "Bitch I ain't Cho Chang!" "That's Lavender Brown!" "Racist sister!" "Harry:" "Racist, yeah that's racist Racist sister!" "Harry:" "Racist, yeah that's racist" "Hey, it's alright!" "I'm Cho Chang y'all" "Harry:" "She is totally perfect!" "Ron:" "Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?" "What?" "Who the hell is Cedric Diggory?" "What is that?" "Who is that guy?" "Cedric:" "Cho Chang..." "I am so in love, with Cho Chang from Bangkok to Ding Dang" "I sing my love aloud for Cho Chang" "Harry:" "I hate that guy!" "I hate him!" "Ron:" "So are we gonna get those robes or not?" "Ginny:" "Okay alright I'm going!" "Ron:" "God sister!" "Ginny:" "Okay alright I'm going!" "Ron:" "God sister!" "Goyle:" "Present your arm nerd!" "Neville:" "W-what what why?" "Goyle:" "Indian Burn Hex!" "Ron:" "Crabbe and Goyle..." "Harry:" "Hey, hey why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?" "Ginny:" "Are you okay?" "Harry:" "Hey, hey why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?" "Harry:" "Hey, hey why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?" "Goyle:" "Well, well, well if it isn't Harry Potter" "You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!" "Harry:" "No I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville, come on!" "Oh well you know what I think?" "I think glasses are for nerds!" "Break!" "We hate nerds!" "Crabbe:" "And girls!" "We hate nerds!" "Ron:" "Well you asked for it" "You don't mess with Harry Potter, he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby!" "Hermione:" "Alright, everyone just calm down" "Oculus Reparo!" "Whoa cool!" "Now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone!" "Did someone say Draco Malfoy?" "Harry:" "What do you want, Draco?" "Draco:" "Crabbe, Goyle" "Be a pair of turtle doves so go pay for my robes will you?" "So..." "Potter!" "Back for another year of Hogwarts are you?" "Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber of wizard!" "Harry:" "Hey listen" "Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world, I wouldn't trade them for anything" "Have it your way" "Wait... don't tell me!" "Red hair, hand-me-down clothes, and a stupid complexion..." "You must be a Weasley!" "Ron:" "Oh my God lay off Malfoy!" "She may be a pain in the ass, okay?" "but she's my pain in the ass" "Well isn't this cute?" "It's like a little loser family!" "Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs" "Luckily next year..." "I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!" "This year you bet, gonna get out of here" "The reign of Malfoy is drawing near" "I'll have the greatest wizard career" "It's gonna be totally awesome!" "Look out world for the dawn of the day when everyone will do" "Whatever I say!" "and Potter won't be in my way and then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!" "Goyle:" "Yeah you'll be the one who is totally awesome!" "Hermione:" "Guys come on we're gonna miss the train!" "Who knows how fast this year's gonna go?" "Hand me a glass, let the butterbeer flow" "Harry:" "Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho!" "Ron:" "Oh no, that'd be way too awesome" "We're back to learn everything that we can" "It's great to come back to where we began and here we are- and Alakazam!" "Here we go, this is totally awesome!" "Come on and teach us everything you know" "The summer's over and we're itching to go" "Neville:" "I think we're ready for" "Albus Dumbledore!" "Dumbledore:" "Welcoooooome all of you to Hogwarts" "I welcome all of you to school" "Did you know that here at Hogwarts we've got a hidden swimming pool?" "Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts" "Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools" "Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts" "I'd like to go over just a couple of rules" "My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am headmaster at Hogwarts" "You can all call me Dumbledore" "Of course you could always call me Albus if you wanted detention" "I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus" "Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts" "It's all that I love and it's all that I need at" "Hogwarts, Hogwarts" "Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends" "To Griffindor!" "Hufflepuff!" "Ravenclaw!" "SLYTHERINS!" "Back to the place where our story begins at" "Hogwarts, Hogwarts" "Dumbledore:" "I'm sorry what's it's name?" "Hogwarts, Hogwarts Dumbledore:" "I'm sorry what's it's name?" "Hogwarts, Hogwarts" "Dumbledore:" "I didn't hear you kids!" "Hogwarts, Hogwarts" "Harry:" "Man I'm glad I'm back" "Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts and a very special welcome to my favorite student" "Mister Harry Potter" "He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby" "He's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it" "And another very special welcome to our newest addition to Griffindor," "Mister Ginny" "Excuse me, Misses Ginny Weasley" "Ginny:" "Yeah, I'm a girl... and um, also" "Aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?" "Dumbledore:" "Well um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat" "He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing" "So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year" "Basically I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin and the other two could just go wherever the hell they want" "I don't really care" "Cedric:" "Hufflepuffs are particularly good Finders!" "What the hell is a Hufflepuff?" "Anyway it's time for me to introduce my very good friend our own Potions professor," "Mister Severus Snape" "Ron:" "Aw man" "That Snape, I'd hoped they'd fired that guy" "Ginny:" "Why?" "What's wrong with Professor Snape?" "Ron:" "Uh, nothing." "He's just, uh the Devil" "Ron:" "He's Harry's nemesis, look at him" "Harry:" "Come on Ron, he's really not that bad." "I don't know what you're talking about" "Snape:" "Harry Potter..." "Detention" "What?" "For talking out of turn" "Now before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very, very first" "Pop quiz" "Hermione:" "Yesss..." "Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is?" "Ah yes, Miss Granger" "A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones who touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter" "Ah very good..." "Now can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is?" "Yes Miss Granger?" "Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned earlier in the story to return later in a more significant way" "Perfect!" "So..." "What's a- what's a Portkey exactly?" "Hermione:" "Oh, a Portkey is something that when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere" "Ron:" "Not you- Hermione:" "Oh, a Portkey is something that when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere" "Oh my God..." "Hermione:" "Oh, a Portkey is something that when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere" "And remember a Portkey can be any sort of seemly harmless object like a football or..." "A dolphin" "Professor?" "Can like a person be a Portkey?" "No that's absurd" "Because then if a person were to touch themselves..." "They would constantly be transported into different places" "A person can however be a Horcrux" "What's a... what's a Horcrux?" "I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough" "Professor, what is the point of this quiz?" "Oh no, no no point in particular" "Just important information that everyone should know" "Especially you" "Now moving right along, we've got our four houses in all" "Gryffindor" "Ravenclaw" "Hufflepuff" "Cedric:" "Find!" "Snape:" "What?" "And Slytherin" "Now traditionally..." "Traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking" "Example:" "Ten points from Gryffindor for Miss Granger's excessive baby fat" "Thanks Hermione" "Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup however this year we're doing things a bit differently" "Here to introduce it is our new Professor of the Dark Arts" "Professor Quirrell" "Harry:" "Ow ow oww" "Hermione:" "Harry, what's wrong?" "Harry:" "Ow ow oww" "Hermione:" "Harry, what's wrong?" "The House Cup a time honored tradition for centuries" "Draco:" "Go home terrorist!" "For centuries... the four houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of House Champion" "But where does this competition come from and what are the roots of the tradition?" "The House Cup Tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students" "That was a rhetorical question" "Dumbledore:" "Granger, quit interrupting." "Twenty points from Gryffindor" "Ron:" "Thanks Hermione" "Quirrell:" "As I was saying..." "When the tournament first originated it was one of a completely different sort" "One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks" "Challenges- the winner would not only win the cup" "He would also win eternal glory" "Hermione:" "Kind of like a House Cup- or no, a Triwizard Tournament!" "Quirrell:" "Yes." "Sort of like the Triwizard Tournament except no, not like that at all" "There are four houses" "How can it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?" "Well uh Professor if I remember correctly the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task" "Yes, it is very dangerous but the rewards far outweigh the risks" "I don't think you heard me." "I just said somebody died!" "Dumbledore:" "Hermione Granger shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting." "Twenty more points!" "Ron:" "Thanks Hermione!" "God..." "For the cleverest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes" "Ten points to Dumbledore" "Yes, yes well it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come" "And as professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts" "I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to" "ACHOO!" "Dumbledore:" "Gesundheit" "Did your turban just sneeze?" "W-what?" "N-no" "I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction but your mouth wasn't moving" "No... that" "That was simply a fart, excuse me" "ACHOO!" "Harry:" "Ow ow oww!" "Oww, oh..." "Jeez... oh my God oww" "Quirrell:" "I must be going Jeez... oh my God oww" "Jeez... oh my God oww" "ACHOO!" "Quirrell:" "I've simply farted once more, excuse me." "Dumbledore:" "In co-ordinance with the newly resurrected House Cup a champion from each house will be selected to compete" "So Snape, would you do us the honors please?" "Yes headmaster" "First, from the Ravenclaw house..." "Miss Cho Chang" "Oh my God I've won" " I can't believe it, y'all!" "And next from Hufflepuff... a Mister Cedric Diggory" "Well I don't find this surprising at all" "Cho:" "I find it perfect now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend" "I'm glad as well my darling" "Snape:" "And next, from the Slytherin house..." "A Draco Malfoy" "I finally beat you didn't I, Potter?" "What do you think of that, huh?" "I'm the champion this time!" "Dumbledore:" "Draco would you sit down you little shit?" "Champion's just a title" "Snape:" "And finally from the Gryffindor house..." "Oh my" "Well isn't this curious?" "The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life" "Neville:" "If it's me, I'll apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now for losing" "Sit down you inarticulate bumble" "It's Harry Potter" "Dumbledore:" "Well here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions" "I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything" "So let's get to it!" "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Draco:" "Malfoy!" "Malfoy!" "Mal" " Mal..." "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Cho Chang!" "Ron:" "Harry" "You got this tournament in the bag" "I don't know man..." "Cedric Diggory, he's pretty awesome" "NOT!" "He sucks." "We're totally gonna win, it's in the bag" "I don't know, Harry" "Ron:" "OH MY GOD I don't know, Harry" "Ron:" "OH MY GOD" "Hermione, shut up." "Why do you have you rain on everybody's parade?" "Because, Ron, this is dangerous!" "Dangerous?" "Oh come on Hermione, how dangerous can it be?" "Especially for me" "Well- you're not invincible, Harry." "Somebody died in this tournament." "Uh, I'm The Boy That Lived" "Not died." "Duhh" "What's the worst that can happen?" "And I don't know about that Quirrell character" "You know, first he resurrects some horrible ancient tournament" "Then- then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt and you have to admit, there is something really funky about the back of his head" "Come on, think about it" "Professor Quirrell is a professor, and who hires the professors?" "Dumbledore" "The smartest, most awesomest" "Practical wizard" "Beautiful wizard in the whole world" "Why... why would he possibly hire somebody who's trying to hurt me?" "W-What about Snape?" "Yeah what about him?" "He's hated you for years and he's hated your parents too, Harry, everybody knows that and he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup, out of hundreds if not, five possible Gryffindors?" "Yeah... what a coincidence." "We lucked out" "No- no Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence" "When you defeated Voldemort, you made a lot of enemies." "Ones you may not even know about" "Harry:" "Okay When you defeated Voldemort, you made a lot of enemies." "Ones you may not even know about" "When you defeated Voldemort, you made a lot of enemies." "Ones you may not even know about" "Harry:" "Alright cool, so let me get this straight When you defeated Voldemort, you made a lot of enemies." "Ones you may not even know about" "Harry:" "Alright cool, so let me get this straight" "So you're saying that this tournament, is just one big ploy to try and kill me" "Hermione:" "I mean, I don't know!" "Maybe?" "Anyway I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it" "Alright Hermione if it means that much to you..." "I'll drop out" "Oh thank you Harry" "Ron:" "Wait, wait" "WHAT?" "The House Cup?" "What about all the eternal glory you'd win?" "Come on!" "Hey... eternal glory" "I've already got that" "Besides, Neville will be a great champion!" "Ron:" "No, no, no Besides, Neville will be a great champion!" "Ron:" "No, no, no" "I do not want Schlongbottom to be my champion" "Okay all you have to do" " Oh look" "There's Dumbledore." "Why don't you just talk to him now and tell him that you're dropping out?" "Um..." "listen, listen Hermione" "Dumbledore and I are really, really cool." "We're super tight and I don't want him to think that I'm being lazy or disrespectful or anything" "So can you just tell-?" "Why don't you tell him?" "Just tell him that I want to work on school or something" "Alright?" "Hey" "You got this one." "You're the best" "Hermione:" "Alright... okay" "Harry:" "You got it Hermione:" "Alright... okay" "Harry:" "Don't worry about it Hermione:" "Alright... okay" "Hermione:" "Alright... okay" "Dumbledore?" "Yes Granger?" "I need to talk to you for a moment." "It's about the House Cup tournament" "Um... well first of all, I think it's an awful idea, but um" "Second of all, I don't think Harry Potter should compete" "Granger why do you always gotta be such a big ol' stick in the mud, huh?" "Pray, tell me why Harry Potter should not compete" "Uh... because he- wants to study" "Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you" "Uh, okay well he- he wants to focus on the O.W.L.s" "Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself?" "He thinks I'm cool" "We're tight!" "Ahh..." "Profess" "I'm a really bad liar, okay?" "I" "I think it's a ruse." "A set up" "And I even think Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter" "Dumbledore:" "Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met" "Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he's trying to kill me" "Huh?" "Snape:" "Oh why Professor Dumbledore..." "I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich..." "Why thank you Severus!" "Do you see, Granger?" "How thoughtful" "Here you are Professor" "Bomb-appetit" "I mean" "Bon appetit..." "Um... is that sandwich ticking?" "It looks like it's licking" "Finger-licking good" "Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich!" "Come on Granger, you gotta listen to Snape more often" "You might even get a sandwich out of it, I don't know" "Dumbledore:" "Granger, what the hell-?" "Granger, what are you doing!" "?" "You dog-gone exploded my sandwich!" "Hermione:" "I'm sorry Sir!" "Hey, even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger" "He has to compete!" "You see that cup?" "Hermione:" "Yes!" "It's enchanted" "Whoever's name comes out of the cup has to compete or the results would be bad" "What do you mean bad?" "Well, try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light" "A total plutonic reversal!" "Yeah... so you see he has to compete then" " Hermione if it makes you feel any better the last guy who died in the tournament was a Hufflepuff" "So um..." "I'll keep my eyes open, and nothing's gonna get past ol' Dumbledore" "Alright" "I gotta go make myself another sandwich although I don't know how it's gonna be as good as the last one" "The last one ticked!" "Because it was a bomb..." "Harry, I'm so sorry but" "I-I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup tournament" "But don't worry." "I won't rest until I found out what the first task is gonna be" "And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default" "Alright, awesome" "Draco:" "Well..." "Isn't this touching?" "Oh my God just butt out, Malfoy" "Goyle and I have a bet, you know" "He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament" "I disagree" "I say you won't last five minutes... at Pigfarts!" "What?" "Alright, Malfoy, what" "What is Pigfarts?" "Oh!" "Never heard of it?" "Hah, figures..." "Famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts" "Malfoy, don't act like you don't want to talk about it" "That's like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts." "What is Pigfarts?" "Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy" "It's where I'm being transferred next year" "Hermione:" "Malfoy, I've never heard of that" "Draco:" "That's because Pigfarts... is on Mars" "Harry:" "Malfoy, you know, we're trying to have a conversation here so you could just leave us alone" "Oh!" "No, I'm not even here" "So anyways, I think we could out what the first task from Dumbledore" "Draco:" "Dumbledore!" "Pfft!" "What an old coot!" "He's nothing like Rumbleroar!" "Goyle:" "RUMBLEROAR!" "Harry:" "Anyway, like I was saying" "Draco:" "Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts" "He's a lion... who can talk" "Malfoy, if you don't mind we're trying to have a conversation here it's not like- you're not even eating." "Get out of here!" "Well I can't help it if we can hear everything you say." "We're the only ones in here" "Well just- come on Malfoy." "Just get out of here, please?" "Draco:" "Where are we supposed to go?" "Harry:" "Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts" "Now you're just being cute" "I can't go to Pigfarts" "It's on Mars" "You need a rocketship" "Do you have a rocketship, Potter?" "Bet you do!" "You know not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents die" "Look at this!" "Look at this" "Look it" " Rocketship Potter!" "Starkid Potter" "Moonshoes Potter" "Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts" "Harry:" "Alright that's it." "This is the most misguided way to try to make me feel jealous" "I don't care if you make fun of me but if you bring my parents into this, it's a whole other story" "Draco:" "Whoa!" "Not so fast" " Potter!" "Oh Crabbe!" "Goyle!" "Harry:" "Oh sure just behind- just" "Goyle:" "BACK OFF NERD!" "Harry:" "Oh sure just behind- just" "Goyle:" "BACK OFF NERD!" "Harry:" "Whoa!" "Scared, scared!" "Not so tough now, are you, Potter?" "Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging Ginger and his stupid Mudblood girlfriend" "Hermione:" "Oh that is it, Malfoy!" "Jelly-legs Jinx!" "Draco:" "Oh come on" "Goyle:" "Hey no fair our legs are jelly!" "Take it back Malfoy!" "Draco:" "Take what back?" "Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school" "Ron:" "Yeah and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true" "Hermione:" "And say you're sorry for calling me a you-know-what!" "Malfoy:" "I'm sorry!" "And you promise you'll never do it again?" "I promise!" "Hermione:" "Alright" "Now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it" "Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here" "Besides you... already ate all my lunch" "Harry:" "Wow, thanks Hermione" "Hermione:" "Yeah" "Unjellify!" "Ron:" "Wow that was like the most badass thing I've ever seen" "Too bad no one was here to see it though." "It was like an outburst of pent-up aggression" "It was like ARGHH HERMIONE!" "Wow..." "That sucked royal Hippogriff!" "We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd" "Draco:" "I didn't mean what I said, you know" "Pigfarts is real" "Am I... am I bleeding?" "Goyle?" "No!" "I thought maybe it was m-maybe it was a little bit" "I've never been pushed down like that by a girl" "Maybe I shouldn't call her a Mud" "Whatever" "I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter-curse was just Unjellify" "Draco:" "Right, well I'm not surprised" "Come on let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place" "Quirrell:" "Fools!" "They're all fools" "They think they're safe" "They think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts" "Little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses" "Or should I say, on the back of their heads?" "Voldemort:" "I can't breathe in that damn turban!" "I'm sorry my Lord, it's a necessary precaution for if they knew that you lived" "That when Harry Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on" "Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest eating bugs and mushrooms and- ugh unicorn blood" "Quirrel:" "Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul unicorn blood" "Quirrel:" "Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul" "Yes, nobody must know any of that" "Now..." "Quirrell!" "Get me some water!" "Now Quirrell!" "Pour it in my mouth!" "Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly, my liege" "Yes, yes, yes I'm done with the water!" "We must not have anymore foul ups like tonight in the Great Hall" "I'm sorry my Lord, you sneezed" "Voldemort:" "I know that!" "Get me some Nasonex, you swine!" "Wash that turban!" "It tickles my nose" "Quirrel:" "Yes my Dark King..." "Voldemort:" "Okay, just relax with the Dark King, okay?" "I..." "I watch you wipe your butt daily" "You can call me Voldemort, we're there" "We've reached that point" "Yes, yes my" "Voldemort" "Now Quirrell" "Get us ready for bed" "We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter" "Tonight in the Great Hall" "He was so close" "I could have touched him" "Revenge is at my fingertips, Quirrell" "I can taste it" "It tastes like..." "Cool mint" "Quirrell:" "That's our Listerine, Voldemort" "Yes, excellent" "Well, er... goodnight Quirrell" "Quirrell:" "Goodnight" "Okay, okay, I can't do this" "You gotta roll over" "I can't sleep on my tummy" "Quirrell:" "I always sleep on my back, I have back troubles it's the only way I'm comfortable" "Voldemort:" "You roll over right now or I'll" "I'll eat your pillow!" "You'll be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow but really you'll wake up, and your favorite goose feather pillow will be missing" "Quirrell:" "Fine, we'll compromise." "We'll sleep on our sides" "Okay I guess I can do this" "Quirrell:" "Now goodnight" "Goodnight Quirrell" "Hey Quirrell" "How long have those robes been on that chair?" "Quirrell:" "I think they're from last night." "I just put them there for now" "Well are you planning on putting them in a hamper?" "What's your plan for these?" "I figured I'd just leave them there for now and maybe put them away in the morning, okay?" "No!" "No, no that's not okay" "I can't go to sleep knowing that there are dirty clothes on that chair" "The chair's going to start to smell like dirty clothes" "Quirrell:" "Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning" "You put them away right now!" "I command you to get up and fold them at least!" "Make it into a neat pile" "Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to live with each other" "Now I've been single for all of my life and I have some habits and sometimes I leave laundry around" "Well I believe that everything has its place" "Muggles have their place" "Mudbloods have their place and so do your clothes!" "Namely, a dresser!" "Quirrel:" "Well" "Aren't we an odd couple?" "You won't sleep on your tummy" "You won't sleep on your back" "We're quite a kooky couple you'll agree" "We share some hands and fingers and yet the feeling lingers..." "We're just about as different as anyone can be" "You like planting a garden and I like plotting to kill" "You think that you should rule the world" "I think books are a thrill!" "Sipping tea by the fire is swell" "Voldemort:" "Pushing people in is fun as well!" "I like folding all of my ties" "And you have no friends." "Hey!" "That's a surprise" "I guess it's plain to see, when you look at you and me" "We're different, different, as can be" "You're a sissy, a twat, a girl!" "I'm the darkest of lords" "Quirrell:" "I'm the brightest professor here" "I've won several awards!" "Voldemort:" "My new world's about to unfold" "You got beat by a two year old" "I'll kill him this time, through and through" "Quirrell:" "Or you might just give him another tattoo" "You really must agree, when you look at you and me" "We're different, different, as can" "I'll rise again and I'll rule the world!" "but you must help me renew" "For when our plan succeeds" "Quirrell:" "Prevails!" "part of that world goes to you" "When I rule the world, I'll plant flowers" "When I rule the world, I'll have" "Snakes!" "Quirrel:" "And Jane Austin noooooovels!" "Voldemort:" "And goblins, and werewolves, a fleet of dementors and giants, and thestrals, and all my Death Eaters!" "Quirrel:" "And Jane Austin noooooovels!" "When I rule the" "World!" "Harry, don't you think you should try and figure out what the first task is going to be?" "You can actually die if you're not ready" "What?" "Come on..." "I mean, can't you just do it for me?" "Can't you just prepare all of my stuff for me?" "I mean- what are you doing right now?" "I'm writing your Potions essay" "Oh well do that first, 'cause that's due tomorrow so..." "But after that, after that can you prepare for the first task?" "Please?" "Thank you." "You are the best" "You got it." "Thanks Hermione" "Hey Ginny, come here." "I wanna show you something" "Come here" "Hey, Harry Potter" "Listen, I wanna play this song that I'm working on" "I met this girl that I really, really like and I want to let her know that she's really special" "So- well I just wanna know what you think just for the purposes of now, 'cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'll put your name where her name should be" "But I don't think it's really gonna work out because, well, just let me give it a shot" "You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really, really skinny" "Ginny" "I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie" "Ginny" "I wanna take you to the city" "Gonna take you out to dinny" "Ginny" "You're cuter than a guinea pig" "Wanna take you up to Winnipeg" "That's in Canada!" "Ginny, Ginny, Ginny" "You know what?" "This doesn't work with your name at all" "Doesn't work" "But I don't know." "Wh" "How does that make you feel?" "Emotionally?" "Wow..." "Wowie, Harry Potter" "Don't you think it could uh, I don't know Wowie, Harry Potter" "Don't you think it could uh, I don't know" "Make a girl fall in love with me?" "Aw I think it already has" "Awesome!" "'Cause it's for Cho Chang!" "Oh yeah..." "S-she's beautiful" "What are you, nuts?" "Beautiful?" "More like" "Supermegafoxyawesomehot" "She's the hottest girl I've ever met." "She's far more attractive, far more appealing, far more interesting than any girl, that I know" "In my immediate group of- of friends" "She's a lot more better, and awesome" "Ron:" "Sup Neville?" "Move, move, move, move, move, move move" "Awesome" "Hey Harry what's up?" "So I was just offstage hanging out with Hagrid and I was, uh, I saw these delivery wizards" "Bringing giant cages into the dungeon" "I dunno what that's for" "Hermione:" "Giant cages?" "I bet that whatever is in those cages has something to do with the first task!" "Harry we have to find out what it is" "Hey" "Hey, guys, chill" "I'm busy" "Ron:" "Nooo!" "Nooo!" "Nooo!" "Ginny:" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Ron:" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Ginny:" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Hermione:" "Guys" "Now listen" "This could be a matter of life and death!" "Ron:" "Well it doesn't matter because it's after hours, okay?" "We can't leave Gryffindor house" "We'll probably get in trouble if we do" "And even if we do" "Schlongbottom over there will probably tell on us" "Hermione:" "Neville won't tell" "Neville:" "Oh yes I certainly will!" "Ron:" "Well what're we gonna do?" "Hermione:" "It's simple guys" "The cloak" "Of course" "The cloak" "Ginny:" "Wait what cloak?" "Shut up!" "Harry:" "I got a present" " I got a present last year" "Oh bye Neville" "I got a present last year." "First year of Hogwarts and uh... well, it was left to me by my dad" "The dad that's dead." "My father is dead" "My dead father" "Used to solve mysteries and stuff." "My Invisibility Cloak!" "Ginny:" "Wow!" "Oooh boy, wowie Harry Potter!" "A real Invisibility Cloak!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Do you know what I would do if I had an Invisibility Cloak?" "Oh man I would" " I would kick, uh" "I would kick wiener dogs" "And I would pretend to be a ghost and I would scare mean people" "I'd use it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror" "Harry:" "That's a bummer" "Ron:" "Jesus, what's wrong with you?" "Well, actually, I was gonna say that I would use it to fake my own death and watch people cry at the funeral" "Okay anyway, let's get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom" "Alright?" "Let's get out of here" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa where do you think you're going?" "Ginny:" "Um... with you guys" "No, no, no way." "No kid sisters allowed" "Okay?" "Besides, there's only enough room under this cloak for two people" "So uh..." "Come on Hermione, come on" "The way his hair falls in his eyes" "Makes me wonder if he'll..." "Ever see through my disguise" "And I'm under his spell" "Everything is falling, and I don't know where to land" "Everyone knows who he is" "But they don't know who I am" "Harry" "Harry" "Why can't you see?" "What you're doing to me?" "I've seen you conquer certain death" "Even when you're just standing there" "You take away my breath" "And maybe" "Someday you'll hear my song and understand" "That all along" "There's something more, that I'm trying to say!" "When I say" "Harry" "Harry" "Why can't you see?" "What you're doing to me?" "What you're doing to me?" "Quirrell:" "Master!" "Master!" "The shipments for the first task of the tournament have just arrived!" "Voldemort:" "Yes I know Quirrell" "I hear everything that you hear" "Isn't it wonderful now?" "Well we made sure Harry Potter's name was drawn from the cup and soon he will be ours" "Yes" "It's really happening, isn't it Quirrell?" "You know, with the plan going so well" "I feel maybe we should celebrate" "What do you say Quirrell?" "How's about we go out?" "I hear it's karaoke night down at the Hog's Head" "Uh I don't know" "I have all these papers to grade, and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind" "Ah come on Quirrell!" "You've been working so hard all year" "You deserve a night off" "But the papers..." "Oh just give them all B minuses and be done with it" "Now that's evil" "Yeah, thanks, I am the Dark Lord" "Come on, just a few drinks" "Hey we'll try to pick up some chicks" "I wouldn't know what to say." "I'm no good at that" "Come on, it'll be fun" "You just move your lips and I'll do the talking" "Quirrell" "Man!" "Listen" "I may just be a parasite on the back of your head that's literally devouring your soul any time you take a breath" "But I can see that" "You're too good a guy not to have a bit of fun once in a while" "You deserve this" "Well if you put it that way then" "Yeah let's just go wild tonight" "That's the spirit Quirrell!" "Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts and grab your tunic" "Quirrell we are gonna get you laid" "Seriously man, back when I had a body" "I had mad game with the bitches" "Just ask Bellatrix Lestrange" "Ron:" "This cloak isn't as big as it used to be" "Hermione:" "Shh, someone's coming!" "Did you just hear something?" "Goyle:" "No" "Only quiet" "Maybe... one raindrop" "No matter" "Tell me, Goyle" "Who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?" "Uh..." "Oh, Buckbeak" "For sure" "Crabbe?" "Crabbe:" "Uh, Winky the house elf" "Good one" "Obscure" "You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school?" "That Hermione Granger" "You know what I'd give her, on a scale of one to ten?" "With one" "One would be the ugliest and then ten the most pretty" "I would give her..." "An eight" "An eight point five" "Or a nine" "Not- not over" "A nine point eight" "Because there is always room for improvement" "Not everyone's perfect, like me" "That's why I am holding out for a ten" "Because I'm worth it" "Come on!" "Let's go" "Ron:" "Wow what a bunch of jerks" "Hermione:" "Alright, forget them now" "Where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?" "Ron:" "Well I think they were being delivered to the auditorium" "So they should be at the end of this hallway and to the left" "Ron:" "Look!" "Hermione:" "A goat?" "Harry:" "A goat?" "Oh my God I have to fight a goat?" "I don't know if I could do that morally" "Snape:" "And the goats have all been sent for feeding time, headmaster" "Dumbledore:" "Oh feeding time?" "Dragons don't want to be fed" "They want to hunt!" "Harry:" "Did he just say dragons?" "Snape:" "Did you just say "did he just say dragons?"" "Dumbledore:" "I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to shut up" "Potter" "Snape:" "Headmaster do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?" "No Snape I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore" "Like, here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you, tomorrow" "Snape:" "Why that's absurd" "Dumbledore:" "First..." "let's go to bed" "Have you ever seen my room?" "I've got some pretty kickin' posters on my wall" "Snape:" "Well I am rather tired" "Harry:" "Aw man, I have to fight a dragon?" "This is bogus!" "Hermione:" "Well..." "Harry:" "How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid!" "Ron:" "Alright well, well maybe it won't be that bad, Harry" "Maybe, maybe you'll just have to fight like" "Mushu from Mulan or..." "Ron:" "I dunno maybe" "I dunno maybe like Puff the Magic Dragon or something..." "Hermione:" "Ron, this is serious okay?" "Harry could die!" "Now look, there's still time, alright?" "We just need to figure out a plan" "Harry:" "Okay well we should probably do that back in the common room" "Where's- wait- where's the Invisibility Cloak?" "Ron:" "Well I threw it over on that magical walking chair over the" "Oh crap" "Harry:" "Oh that's... that's gonna be an issue" "Ron:" "Yep" "Quirrell:" "I thought walking home drunk was hard before" "We should've realized that with with both of us drinking into one belly we'd get twice as drunk" "Hey Quirrell" "Quirrell" "Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell" "Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell you remember that girl you were talking to?" "Yeah" "You remember that girl we were talking to?" "Well I was talking to her sister on my side" "Oh so that's why she freaked out when we stood up!" "Voldemort:" "Because they didn't know that we were the same person!" "Quirrell:" "One person!" "Voldemort:" "Because they didn't know that we were the same person!" "You know I haven't had" " I haven't had this much fun since" "Nearly Headless Nick's Death Day party of '91" "I haven't had this much fun since, ah" "Yeah well shit I can't remember ever having this much fun" "You never had fun... ever?" "Doing doing anything?" "Maybe that's why you're so evil" "Yeah maybe" "Definitely to do with the fact that Muggles and Mudbloods make me sick to my stomach, but uh..." "Yeah I guess you could be right." "I guess, I mean" "That's kind of funny" "What is it, Voldemort?" "Oh it's just that I never" "I never ever really ever ever really ever ever really considered another reason for me being so evil, you know?" "'Cause normally I just, uh" "I just kill people that try to get me to open up, you know?" "Oops..." "But uh, it's- it's kind of nice to just, um" "Kind of nice to just talk" "You know, I have to admit" "I was kind of nervous when you first demanded that you attached yourself to my soul" "Yeah I could, I could sense that" "But like, now I think it's" "It's kind of cool, it's like having a really close roommate or or even..." "Yeah like a slave" "Like a, like a Death Eater" "No man" "It's like... having a friend" "I've never had a friend before" "It looks like we've got one now" "Who would've thought that at the beginning of this year we'd feel like that for each other?" "I guess everything is different between us now, huh?" "I guess it's plain to see" "When you look at you and me" "We're... different" "Different" "As can be" "We simply guarantee, when you look at you and me" "We're different, different" "As can be" "It's a comedy of sorts" "When you're bound to Voldemort" "And I'm happy as a squirrel" "Long as I'm with Mister Quirrell" "We'll lead them to the slaughter and we'll murder Harry Potter" "We're different" "Different" "Different, different as can be" "The Hogwarts champions shall now enter the champion's tent in preparation for the first task" "Oh man, I can't believe I have to skip lunch period for this stupid task" "Okay Harry, today's the day" "The day you fight the dragon." "Now, did you read those notes I wrote for you on dragons?" "No" "What?" "Why not?" "You kidding me?" "They were so boring" "So y-you didn't read them." "You didn't prepare at all?" "You're not prepared at all?" "Well no, at least I have my wand" "Um..." "Brought my" "Harry" "You're the best" "Harry just, please don't die today" "I don't want to see my best friend getting eaten by a dragon" "Relax okay?" "Save the tears for my funeral" "So tell me more about this Pigfarts." "I find it to be very interesting" "Well" "While you're there you have to wear your spacesuit at all times because there's no atmosphere on Mars" "So if a single docking bay door opens you'll probably die" "My, how dreadful" "Well, but the good news is" "If you're a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his back" "And he's the headmaster lion?" "Who can talk" "Cool..." "Well hello Harry." "How are you feeling today?" "Hey Cedric." "Trying to" "Stay positive" "Cedric:" "Well good" "I'm having a fine time at the championships" "Miss Granger?" "Hello" "Cho:" "Sugar pie!" "My darling!" "Was that a kiss for good luck?" "No, that was for being so cotton-picking cute!" "This one's for good luck" "Harry:" "I hate that guy" "Hermione:" "It's okay Harry, you're going to be great today" "Dumbledore:" "Oh God!" "Granger, I thought you were a boggart." "I'm terrified of them" "And what the hell are you doing in the champions' tent?" "Get out of here." "Ten more points" "Thanks Hermione" "Are you kids ready to fight a dragon?" "Of course you are, you're just children." "What the hell am I thinking?" "Now outside of this tent are thousands upon thousands of screaming fans" "They're either going to be cheering for you, or the dragon but either way they're going to be making some kind of noise." "So- in order for this election process to be fair" "I am going to randomly select a cardboard cutout size version of the dragon you will be defeating" "For you Cedric..." "Puff the Magic Dragon" "Figment the Imaginary Dragon" "The Reluctant Dragon" "And for you Potter..." "The Hungarian Horntail the most terrifying thing you'll ever see in your whole life!" "Dumbledore:" "You've gotten all complete" "Harry:" "W-wait hold on a second." "Dumbledore, wait a second Dumbledore:" "You've gotten all complete" "I think I will- Harry:" "W-wait hold on a second." "Dumbledore, wait a second" "T-this is terrifying" "Those are the cutest things I've ever seen" "This thing is horrifying" "Just use your imagination" "Disembrace" "Oh my God this competition's gonna suck all these dragon's are wimps" "Accio doublestuff" "Wow, look at that one" "Oh my God monster!" "Is that yours?" "Yeah!" "Oh my God it's awesome" "Let me hold it" "Oh my God this thing is terrifying" "I hope the real thing is smaller" "Ferocious." "What're you gonna do?" "I don't know, I'm not cut out for this kind of thing." "It's gonna kill me" "Hermione:" "Ron" " Ron!" "You can't be in here this is the champions' tent!" "Snape:" "Miss Granger" "What the devil are you doing in the champions' tent?" "Ten points from Gryffindor" "Harry:" "Thanks Hermione" "Thanks Hermione" "Hey!" "Good luck buddy" "Bye Snape!" "Snape:" "Bye" "Cedric Diggory" "Now is your chance to face your dragon" "Alright fellas wish me luck" "I believe in you" "That's all I needed to hear" "Hey Malfoy, tell you what" "I'll let you switch dragons with me" "I'll give you the chance to switch dragons with me." "I'll give you that opportunity" "Tell you what, don't worry about it" "Let me think abou" "No" "I'll, uh, I'll give you my Gushers" "Oh, no, no" "I have a Fruit by the Foot" "I don't want to" "A Cho Chang?" "Your dragon awaits" "Well..." "I can't imagine this would be very hard" "Then I... imagine it won't be" "Malfoy, come on!" "Uh, tell you what" "I'll throw in my Teddy Grahams, with the Gushers" "You can make little Gusher Teddy Graham sandwiches" "Alright" "You throw in that pack of Bugles and you've got yourself a deal" "Absolutely not" "Draco Malfoy, your turn" "Professor Snape is there any way that I could, I dunno, forfeit or switch dragons" "Or maybe just take a day off" "What- what're you, what're you." "What're you doing?" "What is that?" "I'm protecting you Potter" "Welsh Greenbacks can't stand the taste of" "Hunt's tomato ketchup" "But I'm not fighting a Welsh Greenback, I'm fighting a Hungarian Horntail" "Oho, well silly me" "Hunt's tomato ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails love best of all" "Good luck Potter" "What?" "No!" "Dumbledore:" "And now Harry Potter will battle the terrifying Hungarian Horntail the most terrifying thing you'll ever see in your whole life" "It should be noted that this particular dragon has not been fed in two weeks" "Hermione:" "Come on Harry" "Go Harry!" "You can do it Harry" "Ron:" "You got it, yeah!" "You got this" "Hermione:" "Just think positive." "You can do it!" "Ron:" "You got it, yeah!" "You got this" "Hermione:" "Just think positive." "You can do it!" "Oh my God!" "Accio guitar!" "Hey dragon" "You don't gotta do this" "Let's reevaluate our options" "Throw away our old assumptions" "'Cause really, you don't gotta go through this" "I'm really not that special" "The Boy Who Lived is only flesh and bone" "The truth is in the end" "I'm pretty useless without friends" "In fact I'm alone" "I spend my time at school" "Trying to be this cool guy" "I never even asked for" "I don't know any spells" "Still manage to do well" "But there's only so long that can last for" "I'm living off the glory" "Of a stupid children's story that I have nothing to do with" "I just sat there and got lucky" "So level with me buddy" "I can't defeat thee" "So please don't eat me" "And all I can do is sing a song for you" "You never asked to be a dragon!" "I never asked to be a champion!" "We both just jumped on this bandwagon but all we need is guitar jammin'" "Goodnight dragon" "One, two, three!" "I beat the dragon!" "Attention all Hogwarts students" "Tonight is our annual Yule Ball" "So please remember to pick up your Yule Ball wreath and give it to that special someone" "Ah!" "Ginger!" "Oh, hey." "Harry Potter?" "Oh hi Ginny" "Fancy seeing you here huh?" "Well it's the cafeteria so yeah" "Um, so... um" "The Yule Ball's coming up, huh?" "Yeah I know it is." "Very, very soon, yeah" "Um, well were you thinking of going with anybody?" "I was." "I was actually just waiting for the right time to ask somebody and I think" "I think that time's about now so if" "If you've got something to say just... get it out" "Oh is this for me?" "Ah Ginny how did you know I needed a wreath so I could ask Cho Chang?" "You're the best!" "Harry Potter... just- you" "Forget it!" "Alright I will!" "Cool" "Hey" "Hey Cho Chang listen, um" "I know the Yule Ball's coming up and I was wondering if" "Maybe you wanted to go with me" "But just in case you're kind of on the fence about it" "You should know that I play guitar and that I conquered that dragon's heart with it" "So I think I could conquer yours" "You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really, really skinny" "Cho Chang" "You're the Mickey to my Minnie, I'm the Tigger to your Winnie" "Cho Chang" "You're cuter than a guinea pig" "I'll take you up to Winnipeg" "That's in Canada!" "Ooh Cho Chang." "Ch-ch-ch-ch cha chadda chadda" "Cho Chang" "Whatever" "Well Harry Potter" "Bless your heart" "Um, but" "I'm gonna have to say no?" "That young strapping boy Cedric Diggory already asked me and I'm gonna go with him" "Sorry" "Come on girls, let's go show Moaning Myrtle our ball gowns and make fun of her because she can't go" "Yeah!" "Hey there good buddy, how are you doing?" "Okay" "Is that a Yule Ball wreath?" "Yeah" "Who you gonna ask?" "Well I asked Cho Chang but she turned me down" "Cedric..." "Stuppery" "Oh my God they're going together?" "That's so great" "I love him so- they're so, cute" "Harry:" "No, no I love him so- they're so, cute" "Harry:" "No, no" "I hate him." "I hate him so much Harry:" "No, no" "I hate him." "I hate him so much" "Harry:" "Yeah I hate him." "I hate him so much" "I hate him." "I hate him so much" "Oh my God he pisses me off, wow" "Aw man that sucks dude." "I don't know why she'd turn you down" "You're like the coolest guy in school" "I don't know, I get it." "I play guitar, I'm Harry Potter" "I'm awesome" "Reese's Pieces?" "Yeah..." "I don't get it man I mean I guess I'll just go stag, huh?" "Yeah I'll probably go stag too" "And the only two girls that I know that don't have dates already are Ginny and Hermione" "Oh my God" "And I'm not going with my stupid sister" "And I think of Hermione as a sister so that's out" "We are in such a puzzle" "Harry:" "What a conundrum" "Neville:" "Hi, look at these strapping young men" "Hey Neville" "Hey Neville, you want this Yule Ball wreath?" "Uh yeah, if you're willing to part with it then I will take this wreath" "Hey Ron, let's go hang out with Hagrid" "He can teach us how to dance so we could get in our dress robes" "That can only lead to disaster and hilaree" "Well let's go" "I mean I just don't know about Hermione." "I don't think anyone's asked her yet, you know 'cause she's just- she's just so butt ugly" "Harry:" "Hideous" "Give that plant nerd!" "Oh, Goyle rules!" "Draco:" "Yeah so anyway" "He was reluctant enough at first but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down pig and I sewed it with my Fruit by the Foot and beheaded it with a quick slicing charm." "Bloody fool..." "Wh" " Goyle?" "What are you doing with that wreath?" "What are you, going to ask someone to the Yule Ball?" "...No" "Dancing is for nerds" "Crabbe:" "And pretty girls" "That's right" "You know who the last girl I'd have asked to the Yule Ball would be?" "That Hermione Granger" "Not even if we were the last two people on earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown so every time I'd looked at her I'd got butterflies in my tummy" "Not even then" "You know" "They don't even have dances at Pigfarts" "All of the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's slumbering cub" "Dancing is for pansies" "Right" "Draco:" "Hey you there what's your name?" "Pansy" "Perfect!" "You're going to the Yule Ball with me" "Do you see that dragon?" "Well it was reluctant enough at first but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down..." "Quirrell:" "Yule Ball decorating crew but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down..." "Quirrell:" "Yule Ball decorating crew" "Just the Yule Ball decorating crew coming through" "Last minute decorations" "My Lord, the Yule Ball has finally arrived and I've brought the key!" "Yes I know Quirrell" "I hear everything you hear!" "I'm sorry" "No I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped" "I'm just nervous that's all" "Nervous?" "No" "Why?" "I don't want to talk about it" "Hey, it's just me" "You can tell me anything, you know that" "Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right" "I'm just nervous because we've been planning this night for so long and I want everything to go perfectly, you know?" "Don't worry." "We've mapped out everything" "We've anticipated every little problem and compensated for it" "We've even prepared what you're going to say to Potter when you see him" "So just cool down" "Relax" "By the end of the night you'll have your revenge and your body back" "You're right, you're right I'm being... silly" "And you know I" "Quirrell over the last year I've" "I've really grown attached to you" "No pun intended" "Yeah I know what you mean" "But, hey, we'll still hang out" "Just because we won't be attached doesn't mean we'll be two completely different people" "No pun intended" "No, no of course not, of course not" "Hey Quirrell" "We should make plans" "Evil plans?" "Oh uh..." "No" "Casual plans" "Like um" "We could go rollerblading on a Saturday and then uh see a movie at night, huh?" "Yeah" "It'll be great because we'd both be able to watch it for a change" "Yeah yeah..." "I bet it'll be nice to sleep in our own beds" "Not have someone behind you all the time" "And have the privacy of my old life back again" "The solitude" "No" "Whatever happens tonight man" "It's" "It's been a blast" "Yeah" "One crazy year" "Hey" "Promise we'll go rollerblading and see that movie" "Oh, man" "I promise" "Okay" "Quirrell" "Let's go plant that key and split" "Pun intended!" "Snape:" "Why Professor Quirrell" "What on earth are you doing in the Great Dance Hall?" "Just moments before the dance?" "Just decorating for the Yule Ball." "Last minute decorations" "Just one final touch" "A ladle?" "A very special ladle for a very special night" "For a very special punch" "And what's so special about it?" "Let's just say there's Squirt in it" "Squirt?" "Is that not the favorite drink of one Harry Potter?" "Is it?" "I had no idea" "Well, we better be going" "We?" "I..." "I better be going" "Loud music hurts my ears" "Okay well I'll see you later then" "Or maybe you won't" "Or maybe I will" "Dumbledore:" "Excuse me, it was my fault" "Hey Severus!" "Oh, uh Headmaster" "Dumbledore:" "What are you doing here?" "Getting some punch are you?" "Oh no no there's Squirt in that" "Oh only Harry Potter likes that hog's shit" "I'll stick to my Red Bull thank you very much" "Oh well goodnight Headmaster" "Severus I" "I saved this last dance for you" "Well I would Headmaster, but you see" "Well an old friend is coming back into town tonight" "Dumbledore:" "Oh" "Hey Ron" "Ron:" "Hey what's up dude how's it going?" "Have you seen Hermione anywhere?" "Harry:" "No I haven't" "Harry:" "Why?" "Nothing, nothing." "It's just, you know I" "I heard Parvati Patil telling Padma Patil that she had seen Hermione in the girl's locker room before just crying her eyes out in the bathroom stall" "Harry:" "Why?" "What happened?" "I don't know isn't that like the saddest thing you've ever heard?" "Harry:" "Yeah" "I mean I don't know it's just" "It was inevitable that one day Hermione would realize that nobody would ever like her, you know?" "Because of her obnoxious personality and her ugly face and misshapen body, but you know it's just" "I don't know, I figured she'd get into at least one night of happiness before she realize she was gonna be growing old alone, you know?" "Draco:" "Hey you two over here talking about Granger?" "Malfoy get out of here it's none of your business" "Why don't you go dance with Pansy over there?" "Hey, go get me some punch" "Pansy:" "Okay" "Wait, um, I should tell you there's Squirt in it" "Harry:" "Oh nice" "Squirt?" "Ugh Harry:" "Oh nice" "Never mind I'll stay dehydrated" "Go, go powder your nose or something" "But I just fixed my make up a little while ago" "Ugh, trust me" "You need more powder" "Pain in the ass, right?" "So anyway" "Noticed Granger's not around here" "Probably for the better too" "No one would be able to keep their hummus and pita chips down with that ugly mug of hers darting all about" "Wow, why don't you just give her a break for once" "Okay Malfoy?" "Why defending her, Weasley?" "Have a crush?" "No!" "No!" "Why all the insults Malfoy?" "Covering up a crush?" "Ron:" "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Oh... right, right Ron:" "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Oh... right, right" "Like I could ever have a crush on that stupid..." "Cho:" "Oh my gosh!" "Y'all!" "Cho:" "She looks so beautiful!" "Bless her heart" "She looks great!" "Here I am, face to face, with a situation" "I never thought I'd ever see" "Strange" "How a dress can take a mess" "Make her nothing less than" "Beautiful to me" "It seems like my eyes have been transfigured" "Something deep inside has changed" "They've been open wide, but hold that trigger" "This could mean" "Danger" "I'm falling in love, falling in love" "Falling in love" "I'm falling in love, falling in love" "Falling in love" "With Hermione Granger" "What" "What the hell is this?" "You expect me to sing about her?" "I don't care about her" "It's just a little make up" "Draco wake up!" "I'm mistaken" "She is the hottest girl I've ever seen!" "Now, because she's like a girl I've never seen" "Don't know why" "I'd ever be so mean" "This could mean" "Danger" "I'm falling in love, falling in love" "Falling in love" "I could be" "Falling in love, falling in love" "Falling in love" "With Hermione Granger" "Ron:" "I want to let her know" "Draco:" "I feel so queasy Ron:" "I want to let her know" "But I can't let it show" "Ron:" "She'd laugh!" "Poor Weasley But I can't let it show" "Draco:" "Come on Ron:" "Come on" "Ron!" "Draco!" "Draco:" "You gotta let it go!" "Ron:" "You gotta let it go!" "You gotta let it go!" "What?" "THE HELL IS THIS?" "Ron:" "How a dress can take a mess" "Ron:" "Make her nothing less than" "Granger!" "Ron:" "Make her nothing less than" "Wake up!" "Ron:" "Make her nothing less than" "Ron:" "Make her nothing less than" "Draco:" "I've been mistaken!" "Ron:" "Beautiful to me..." "Draco:" "I've been mistaken!" "Draco:" "She is the hottest girl I've ever seen!" "Ron:" "It seems like my eyes have been transfigured Draco:" "She is the hottest girl I've ever seen!" "Now because she's like a girl I've never seen" "Ron:" "Something deep inside has changed Now because she's like a girl I've never seen" "Draco:" "Don't know why" "Ron:" "They've been open wide but hold that trigger Draco:" "Don't know why" "I'd ever be so mean Ron:" "They've been open wide but hold that trigger" "This could mean" "Danger" "I'm falling in love, falling in love" "Falling in love" "I could be falling in love" "Falling in love" "Falling in love" "With Hermione Granger" "With Hermione Granger" "With Hermione Granger" "Danger" "Ron:" "Oh my God" "Ah I can't believe it" "What?" "I just can't" " I can't believe she is dancing with every guy but me." "That is so" "That is so stupid" "That is stupid..." "W-Why do you" "Why do you even care, man?" "I don't!" "I-I don't care" "I don't care and that's what I'm gonna go up and tell her" "I'm gonna go and say "I don't care what you do"" "And she's gonna feel so damn stupid" "She is gonna feel like such an idiot" "Listen Ron, you're acting like a real jerk" "Maybe you should take it easy on the butterbeer" "No" "No" "Hermione:" "Hey guys" "Hey Hermione, hey you look great." "You look wonderful" "Oh thanks, yeah" "You know I used to think looks weren't important and now" "I think they're more important than anything" "Oh it's just I'm having so much fun dancing with everyone" "Ron:" "Wow- wow Hermione" "When did you become so shallow?" "When?" "What is wrong with you, Ron?" "Nothing" "Nothing's wrong with me" "But why don't you just go ask Schlongbottom to dance, huh?" "Ron:" "Go do it" "You know what?" "Maybe I will" "I showed her." "I showed her so good" "Harry:" "Wait a second" "Wait a hot second" "I know what's going on here!" "You've got a crush!" "Alright, Ron" "Listen, listen to me now" "Just a little advice" "Just call me crazy, but girls don't really like it when you're angry at them, much less you shout at them" "Now maybe what you should do is go over there and tell her how much you care about her" "Okay?" "Maybe you should ask her to dance" "What?" "No!" "No!" "'Cause then she'd know that I liked her" "And you always know that you don't tell a girl that you like her because it makes you look like an idiot" "I know you'll look like an idiot" "Anytime you tell a girl you like her, it makes you look dumb" "That's inevitable" "But listen, it's something you have to do" "Ron, you have to move forward so that everyone will like you back" "Okay?" "And what have we got to lose?" "We look like idiots anyway." "We're here's one." "Look at our robes" "You know, if we dressed like this in the muggle world" "We would get our asses kicked" "You have nothing to lose." "Absolutely nothing" "I bet, you know" "She probably wants to dance with you just as much as you want to dance with her" "You just gotta" "You just gotta, give it a a chance" "Maybe there's something that you didn't see before, you know" "You just gotta go and maybe find something special and through the whole time you just didn't really have the guts to" "Say anything" "Where are you going?" "Where are you going?" "I'm still mad and sad" "Hold on" "HP's gonna take his own advice, pal" "Hey Ginny" "Oh" "Hey, Harry" "Can I sit down?" "Um, yeah, sure" "Sooo" "How's Hogwarts?" "You know, it's" "It's okay" "I" " I was actually, I was really excited to come here but now that I'm here I just" "I just don't think I belong" "Oh yeah I totally know what you mean" "Um... no" "You don't" "You're Harry Potter" "Yeah I know, like" "For eleven years I was this dumb kid that got the crap kicked out of me under a staircase, and all of a sudden like" "You're a wizard!" "You have all these powers!" "And everybody thinks I'm cool all of a sudden" "It's weird, it's kind of isolating" "I- uh" "Hey, I'm sorry" "I'm sorry I'm complaining about being famous" "I'm sorry" "Oh no" "I understand" "It's like when you first got here" "Nobody wanted to get to know you because they thought the knew you already" "But, eventually you'll find people that'll want to get to know you for the real you" "You know Ginny, I feel like I already have found this person and I've taken them for granted so tell you what" "Come on" "You wanna dance?" "It's the whole point of the evening" "Now I gotta warn you, I've learned all my best dance moves from Hagrid... so" "I'm not that great" "I'm sure you'll be fine" "Wow" "Harry Potter" "I don't care what anybody says" "You're the best dancer that ever was" "Well I've got a confession to make, Ginny" "These shoes right here are magical enchanted dancing shoes" "Wowie!" "Harry Potter" "I'm just messing with you" "I'm just awesome at dancing" "Ron:" "Yahh!" "Hermione:" "Ow!" "Ron:" "Yahh!" "Neville:" "Hey!" "Ron:" "Yahh!" "Okay" "Alright" "Okay when you really dance with Neville is when you cross the line, okay?" "Take this" "Beat it." "Get out of here" "What is wrong with" "Ron:" "Come here." "Come here!" "What is wrong with" "Ron:" "Come here." "Come here!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Hermione:" "What is wrong with you?" "Why are you being so mean to me?" "I'm not being mean!" "Why are you being so mean to me?" "I'm not being mean!" "Ow!" "Yes you are!" "You know everyday" "Everyone is trying to put me down" "And on the one day I actually feel like a person" "You're trying to ruin it!" "Holy shit" "What is wrong with you, Ron?" "Hermione:" "Come on" "Draco:" "Weasley!" "Hermione:" "Come on" "Draco:" "Weasley!" "The lady said no" "Not you too" "You know what?" "I am so sick of both of you" "I hate you both!" "What did you say to her?" "Ron:" "Nothing!" "I'm bleeding!" "Ron:" "I'm bleeding I'm bleeding!" "Ron:" "I'm bleeding" "Look at this" "Try this" "Ron:" "Look what she did to me" "You know Ginny" "Ginny I'm feeling kind of dizzy" "Well maybe we should stop spinning" "From all this spinning, huh?" "We have stopped spinning" "Wait!" "No!" "No no no no" "I can't" " I can't do this." "You're" "You're Ginny Weasley." "You're my best friend's little sister" "You're Ron Weasley's sister, I c" "I-I'm sorry Ginny I can't do this" "I'm sorry" "Hey Cho!" "Hey, hey" "Come on dance with me" "I'm Harry Potter." "Let's go" "Excuse me, I believe I was dancing with the lady" "Yeah I know and I'm uh" "I'm cutting in, so yeah" "Well, I find that to be very rude" "Alright Cedric well why don't we find- out what the lady has to say about it?" "Cho:" "Oh, boys what the lady has to say about it?" "Cho:" "Oh, boys" "There's no need to fight over little ol' me" "But by the way, Cedric thinks that you cheated on the dragon's task" "Harry:" "Cheated?" "Are you kidding me?" "That thing was trying to eat me." "I was in its mouth!" "Exactly." "What went on in there?" "I'd like to find out" "Alright, that is it Diggory." "We are dueling" "Let's go" "Oh Godric's Hollow!" "All this excitement is making me thirsty" "Oh, Cho!" "I can get you something to drink" "Let me get you some punch" "No, I'll get the punch" "Fine!" "Have the punch" "Cedric:" "I did it!" "Cho:" "You did it!" "Cedric:" "I did it!" "Cho:" "You did it!" "Cedric Diggory I'm gonna kill you!" "Portkey!" "Portkey!" "Portkey!" "Cedric:" "Uh, where are we?" "I don't know Cedric, someone punched me in the face and my sense of direction got a little goofed up!" "Well it seems clear to me now that that punch ladle was a portkey" "And now, thanks to you," "We've both been transported to some mystery location" "Brilliant Cedric, well you're a Hufflepuff" "Why don't you find a way out of this place, okay?" "Harry, I think I found something!" "It appears to be a headstone" "We must be in some sort of graveyard" "Tom Riddle, Mary Riddle, Thoms Riddle" "Riddle me this, eh Potter?" "Cedric, I don't know about this place." "I think we gotta get out of here" "Harry, you're a Gryffindor." "Where's your sense of adventure?" "God" "Cedric" "You are so annoying, okay?" "You're like this guy, that's just around all the time when I don't need a guy around" "You're this spare guy all the time" "This spare dude" "You're such a spare!" "Kill the spare!" "Avada Kedavra!" "So many regrets" "I dead!" "Harry:" "Oh my wizard God!" "Not so fast!" "Petrificus Totalus!" "Harry:" "Professor Quirrell, you just killed Cedric!" "Not I, Potter" "But perhaps you'd like to see who did" "He's dying to see you" "Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived" "It's good to see you again" "The cauldron is ready, my lord" "Harry:" "Cauldron?" "What are you guys gonna do, eat me?" "That's gross" "Ah, as delicious a dish as I'd think you'd make, Potter" "I'd need a stomach of my own to digest you" "And I haven't got one of those" "Yet..." "Aaaahh!" "Ooh" "Aaaahaha" "Wooho" "Okay haaha" "Stop struggling!" "Detention, Potter!" "Harry:" "Detention?" "Jeez, this guy is almost as big of an asshole as Snape is" "Quirrell:" "It worked!" "When I was a boy..." "An orphan boy" "I'd love to move my feet" "I'd hear a tune" "And start to swoon" "My life would seem complete" "The other boys would laugh and jeer" "But I'd catch 'em tapping their toes" "And when I'd start to sway" "They'd get carried away" "And oh, how the feeling grows" "I take my" "Foot" "My little foot" "And with that foot" "Oh how I'd start to shake" "I take two feet" "Two tiny feet" "Hey look!" "That's neat!" "It's coming true!" "Oh boy I get to dance again" "Woohoo!" "To dance again" "I've been waiting all these years to dance again" "Now at once a chance appears" "To hear the beat." "So on your feet" "It's time to dance again" "Come on, Potter!" "Imperio!" "You take your foot" "Your little foot" "Hey look, your foot" "See how it starts to shake" "Quirrell:" "Ooh try his arms!" "How 'bout a twirl?" "He's like a girl!" "Quirrell:" "How overdue" "I get to finally dance again with you" "To dance again" "I've been waiting all these years to dance again" "Now at once a chance appears" "It's lovely swaying, the music's playing" "Come on let's dance again" "Everybody!" "I take my foot" "You take your foot!" "My little foot" "Take that little foot!" "And oh my foot" "Let me hear it now" "Look how it starts to shake" "Oh Voldy's back" "Hello world!" "For the attack" "I'm gonna get ya!" "He'll take over the world, it's true" "But first there's something he's gotta do" "I'll dance again" "I've been waiting all these years to dance again" "Now at once a chance appears" "Everybody make way" "For a pas de bourrée" "It's time to dance" "It's time to dance" "It's time to dance" "Again!" "Voldemort:" "Yes" "Bellatrix:" "My Dark Lord..." "You look fabulous" "Bellatrix Lestrange" "Bellatrix:" "Oh, my liege!" "Tell me it's going to be like the old days when we do nothing but torture, murder, and make love?" "Ah, the old days are back, baby!" "I can't tell you what it was like without you" "Well I'm never going again" "'Cause I've conquered death and my first pleasure will be to kill Harry Potter" "And next to take over the Ministry of Magic" "And rule the world" "For all time!" "And you will my Lord, but not yet" "For now we must stick to the plan" "We blame Potter's murder on Quirrell" "So that your return may remain a secret" "The Death Eaters aren't prepared to take on the entire Ministry of Magic much less Dumbledore, and the Order of the Phoenix" "Quirrell:" "I'm sorry" "What was that about me going to Azkaban for Potter's murder?" "Ohoho, you shall refer to him as" "My Lord, my liege, or my Dark Lord only!" "No no no Bellatrix, it's a- it's cool" "Quirrell's cool, Quirrell's cool, he's..." "Over the last year he's proven himself to be a very good fr" "A very good servant to the will of the Dark Lord" "Quirrell:" "Oh I see, so" "So you're Thomas Jefferson and I'm your Sally Hemings, is that right?" "No" "No, Quirrell, that" "That came out wrong" "It's not like that" "Isn't it?" "Ugh, silence slave" "Crucio!" "Voldemort:" "It's alright, it's" "What's the matter?" "He is your pawn!" "You are his queen" "It is an honor to serve the Dark Lord, no matter what the task!" "Are you all right?" "Did you really know the whole time, you'd- blame Potter's murder on me?" "Yes... yes I" "I knew" "But things have changed over the last year, I feel different now" "Don't touch me" "How do I explain this?" "It's" "It's like that movie She's All That" "You remember?" "We watched that together" "You remember how at the end Freddie Prinze Jr. turns out to be good?" "Quirrell:" "No" "I didn't see the end because you were watching it while you were on the back of my head sucking my soul!" "Well I wish there was another way" "But I've got to take over the world" "Quirrell:" "Well there is" "I'll let you know now but it's gonna be pretty hard to make that rollerblading date from Azkaban" "Bellatrix:" "Death Eaters, take him away" "And now you have what you've waited for for so long" "What?" "Your chance to kill Harry Potter" "Yes" "Kill Potter!" "Ha- whoa, where'd he go?" "Harry:" "You're not killing me today Voldemort, but I'll tell you what" "I'll get you some punch!" "Portkey!" "Portkey!" "Portkey!" "Portkey!" "Ginny:" "Oh my Rowling" "What happened Harry Potter?" "You..." "Harry what the hell are you doing over here?" "You missed the raffle" "Snape:" "What happened to the graveyard?" "It's- it's Voldemort!" "It's Voldemort!" "He's back!" "Extra!" "Extra!" "Read all about it" "Harry Potter, the boy who beat Voldemort now says he's back!" "Daily Prophet!" "Get your Daily Prophet here!" "Harry Potter versus Voldemort, round two!" "Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge makes a statement" "Cornelius:" "I've heard these Voldemort rumors and I for one simply don't believe it" "Voldemort talks about it on his new FlooTube channel!" "I'm gonna find Harry Potter and I'm gonna *** in his ***!" "Also does reviews of "17 Again"" "Well it was a little slow in the beginning, but" "Come on, Zac Efron" "Zefron!" "Enough said" "I've seen these so-called posts and I still don't believe it" "This is a ruse" "You all have been hoodwinked!" "Professor Quirrell confesses to murder of Hogwarts student Cedric Diggory" "Receives life in Azkaban" "Extra!" "Extra!" "Read all about it!" "Extra!" "Harry:" "Man..." "Ron, this totally sucks man." "This" "Ron:" "This is horrible" "Yeah I know I mean, look at this" "This is... it's terrible" "Harry Potter versus Voldemort:" "The Fight of the Century" "Ron:" "No it's not that Harry Potter versus Voldemort:" "The Fight of the Century" "Ron:" "No it's not that" "It's Hermione" "It's just like" "I can't get her out of my head, and everytime I look at her" "I have these pains in my chest, and I just know it's her fault" "That bitch" "I'm just not cut out for this, Harry." "I'm not" "Yeah man I know what you mean" "It's like when you're trying to save the world, and the whole world is just against you" "No, no, no, no, no!" "This isn't about you" "Why does every conversation we have to have have to turn into Potter talk?" "It's not Potter talk" "No!" "No!" "I'm miserable" "And all you can do is talk about yourself" "You're the like the self absorbed guy I know." "If you were miserable," "I'd be there for you, but you won't even listen to me and I'm sick of it" "So- so, so good luck with whatever you were talking about" "And I hope that you and Voldemort live happily ever after" "'Cause me" "I am never going to be happy again" "So I'm just gonna go curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days" "Harry:" "Ron..." "Hermione:" "Were you just talking to Ron?" "Yeah I was trying to tell him about Voldemort" "Hermione:" "Well did he say anything about me?" "Yeah I was trying to tell him about Voldemort" "Hermione:" "Well did he say anything about me?" "Harry:" "Uh, yeah, he said that someone told me" "Well, was one of them an apology for how he treated me at the Yule Ball?" "Um, yeah I heard about that" "Listen, I was wondering maybe if you heard about a little something" "I don't know, that uh, Voldemort is back!" "Uh, Cedric Diggory is dead!" "Professor Quirrell was crazy," "Cho:" "Oh!" "Professor Quirrell was crazy," "And now I have to save the world." "Did you hear that Hermione?" "Um, actually I have heard those things, Harry, about a thousand times but never had they been told to me with so much sass" "Drop the attitude Harry Potter" "You are acting like Garfield on a Monday" "Well don't you think I have a right to be a little stressed out?" "Wh- no." "No I don't" "You know what, this is just like with the dragon, okay?" "I stressed out, I told you to prepare and yet you didn't do anything, and you were fine" "You know you just played your little guitar" "I mean, and I don't know what you're crying about, Harry" "This is just like when you defeated Voldemort and you were a baby" "Hermione, come on" "You're the friend that's supposed to tell me to go to the library and try to figure this stuff out" "Well you know what, Harry?" "I don't do that anymore" "Draco:" "Read it and weep, Potter!" "I heard Voldemort's back" "And he's trying to kill you." "What do you think about that, Moonshoes?" "Malfoy, I honestly see" " I don't see why you're so happy about this" "If Voldemort is back, which he is," "You might as well kiss Hogwarts goodbye" "You might as well kiss the whole planet goodbye" "Kiss the planet goodbye?" "Having second thoughts about Pigfarts, are you?" "Malfoy you're the last person I want to talk to now, okay?" "You know what?" "As soon as you're out of the way" "I'll be the coolest kid in school" "Hermione:" "Malfoy, that will never happen." "Everybody hates you" "Oh right, okay, this coming from Hermione Stranger" "Pansy:" "She's right, Malfoy." "She's cooler than you" "Cho:" "Yeah, even Moaning Myrtle is cooler than you" "Neville:" "Take this!" "Expelliarmus!" "No!" "Ignore it!" "Ignore it" "Don't say anything!" "Stop it!" "Snape:" "What the devil is going on here?" "Draco Malfoy pull those trousers up at once" "Professor I just" "I don't want to hear it" "I need to see you in my office" "Now" "This is all your fault, Potter!" "You'll pay for this" "You'll all pay!" "Harry:" "Nice. you're the man" "Cho:" "That made me feel better" "Harry:" "Hey Ginny what's up" "Hey, I hope you have something to say about Voldemort" "Ginny:" "Who?" "Harry:" "Whatever" "No, I'm fine" "Um" "Hey, Harry?" "Yeah?" "Um, so" "We kissed at the Yule Ball?" "And, well, I thought we were gonna be together forever but we're not" "Yeah, that uh pretty much sums it up" "Hey, what's going on?" "Ginny, this is what's going on." "Don't you get it?" "Everyone is in danger who's near to me" "We can't be together because" "Well Voldemort is back, which he is, then" "You're in mortal peril." "Don't you get it?" "It's just like the Spiderman movie." "Haven't you seen that?" "MJ and Peter Parker can't be together" "But the whole point of Spiderman 2 was that MJ and Peter Parker could be together and" "Yeah I know, but the point of Spiderman 3 is that everything sucks and that falls to shit!" "Ginny, what I'm trying to say is" "I don't want my life to be like Spiderman 3" "I hated that movie" "Ugh, I'm sorry." "It's just" "That's my little way of saying, well" "We can't be together" "I'm sorry Ginny" "I'm such an idiot" "Ugh, I need a" "I need a butterbeer" "Hey!" "Psst, Potter!" "Hey!" "It's me" "Harry:" "Who're you?" "It's Dumbledore" "Harry:" "Oh" "Listen, listen Harry I've got some very important things I gotta tell you" "What?" "Oh about Voldemort?" "Yes!" "Things that that are absolutely crucial for you to know but I can't get into it right now" "I need you to meet in my inner office at 10 o'clock and come by yourself" "Bring that uh, Invisibility Cloak of yours and don't go blabbing your mouth about this to anybody" "Voldemort has spies that can be anywhere." "Even inside of Hogwarts" "From now on the only person you can trust Harry, is me and Severus Snape" "Listen, Dumbledore, I know you don't want to hear this, but" "I am not so sure about Snape" "I think, I think" " You know I'm pretty sure he's working for Voldemort" "What?" "That's stupid." "You're stupid!" "No, no, no I'm actually" " I'm positive" "That night in the graveyard some Death Eater cuts off his hand and Snape shows up without a hand" "Dumbledore:" "Oh cockamamie!" "Snape has assured me that he lost his hand in an entirely unrelated incident" "Dumbledore, why do you trust Snape so much?" "Because I love him" "Professor, I" "Hey, I don't want to hear anything else about it" "There is no way that Severus Snape is, was, or ever shall be" "A servant of Voldemort's" "All hail Voldemort!" "Severus Snape, what are you doing here?" "Got tired of being on Dumbledore's lap?" "I ought to Jelly-legs Jinx you right now, traitor" "Don't be goofy with me" "I need to see Voldemort" "How do we know this isn't some Order of the Phoenix practical joke?" "I thought you deserted the Death Eaters when the Dark Lord lost his body" "Or were you always a spy for Dumblebore?" "Slumbersnore" "Bumblesore!" "I heard you had your Dark Mark laser surgically removed" "Oh, well if you two know so much about me, you should write a biography" "Snape:" "The Double Agent" "That's right" "I've always been a servant of Voldemort" "I've simply been working undercover, finding out valuable information such as" "The inner workings of Hogwarts" "The roster of the Order of the Phoenix and finding out what a true Hufflepuff is anyway" "I've seen things no Slytherin should see" "So if you're done putting each other's feet in each other's mouths" "I would like to see my master" "Of course." "Right away, Severus" "Good!" "I'll be in the drawing room" "Painting a picture of the stupid looks on your faces" "Then, after sneaking into the Department of Mysteries" "We'll enchant the" "Excuse me" "Whoa!" "Whoa" "Whoa-ho-ho, excuse me" "I was in the middle of plotting" "Where was I?" "The statues will occupy the guards in the main lobby while you and I sneak into the Minister's office where you will be one Killing Curse away from complete control of the entire Wizarding world!" "How does that sound, my Lord?" "My Lord?" "Voldemort?" "Ahh yeah!" "Gringotts, that's great that's great" "Polyjuice potion, always very classy" "I'm sorry what are we talking about?" "Did you hear anything of my evil plan?" "Well um" "The details are a little fuzzy, but uh but you did have a very evil tone" "He's all yours" "Wh- no, what abo- but Bellatrix, come back" "No it's!" "Aw, co- don't be like this" "Aww..." "Now two people are mad at me" "What?" "Sir, Severus Snape is at the door and importunes access to you" "Severus Snape?" "See him in" "Is that a new body, my Lord?" "You look absolutely ravishing" "Severus" "For such a super secret spy, you're a terrible liar" "I'm a wreck" "Better have some good news" "My Lord, you know how for years we've been trying to get Death Eaters into the grounds at Hogwarts?" "For years we've been trying to sneak Death Eaters onto the grounds of Hogwarts" "Well I think I've finally discovered a way how" "Well by all means, Snape, tell me" "I can't" "Can't?" "Tease!" "Why not?" "I made an Unbreakable Vow not to let any Death Eaters in" "Unbreakable Vows, I hate those" "I know, but I had to do it in order to convince Dumbledore of my loyalty" "Yes Snape, I understand" "Well if you can't help me, what do you propose we do?" "Well I can't tell you but I've brought along someone who can" "Draco:" "All hail Lord Voldemort" "Lucius Malloy's boy?" "Voldemort:" "Are you serious?" "Draco:" "Malfoy Voldemort:" "Are you serious?" "Voldemort:" "Are you serious?" "Malfoy Voldemort:" "Are you serious?" "Help from a child, you've got to be kidding me" "Don't make me laugh" "I'm pissing" "If this homemade Dark Mark won't convince you" "Then at least hear me out" "Okay" "Okay" "Okay, how do you propose you get my Death Eaters into your little daycare center" "And don't- and don't suggest a giant slide or a trampoline because we've already tried those" "The vents" "Your Death Eaters shall enter through the ventilation system of Hogwarts" "Duh!" "The vents!" "How do we find these vents?" "Oh I'll tell you how to get to the vents" "But first" "We discuss the subject of payment" "Ah, the catch" "There's always a catch" "There's nothing in this world so cruel and demanding as the soul of a child" "What do you want, Malloy?" "I want a galaxy traversing rocketship with enough fuel to get me to Mars" "What do you want with a rocketship?" "What business do you have on Mars?" "Well, let's just say" "Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come" "Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum yum yum" "No no no no with all my respect, my Lord" "There's one tiny flaw in that flawless plan" "Albus Dumbledore" "You're right, Snape" "Normally I'd say, "I'll kill him," but I" "I haven't been feeling so evil lately" "So here's how it's gonna break down, Milfoy" "I need your guarantee" "That you'll lead my Death Eaters into Hogwarts" "I will simultaneously be attacking the Ministry of Magic" "Now I need you to promise that by the end of the siege of Hogwarts" "Dumbledore will be dead" "Leave Harry Potter for me" "But Dumbledore... must die" "Do we have a deal?" "We shall shake on it" "An Unbreakable Vow" "I don't" "By the end of tomorrow night, Albus Dumbledore will be dead?" "Yes" "And I'll have my rocketship?" "When the technology is available" "And you'll have to be my slave for a whole day starting now!" "No!" "You little shit!" "You got me!" "You've got me!" "Ohh" "That is so embarrassing!" "That's the second time that that's happened!" "That's why I hate Unbreakable Curses" "There are so many things I'm going to have you do for me" "You're going to clean my room, and lay out my knickers, and you're going to tape Wizards of Waverly Place for me!" "I hate chores!" "I'll be busy with a murder" "Sometimes" "Hermione:" "Harry, why would Dumbledore want to meet us so late at night?" "Harry:" "Well he's got some information to tell us about Voldemort" "Did you bring the Invisibility Cloak?" "I've got it right here" "Ron:" "Alright Harry, this better be good" "I don't have a snack, and I'm missing Wizards of Waverly Place for this, okay?" "So what do we have to do that's so damn" "Oh my God, thank you" "Ron:" "I love Hogwarts" "Hogwarts is amazing" "Ron:" "You want one?" "Harry:" "Yeah" "You know what?" "I am leaving" "Whoa no no no no no you're not" "No you're not." "Okay when I said I needed your help" "I meant both of you, so you guys gotta get over these hurt feelings before somebody gets hurt, okay?" "So come on" "Hello Harry" "Oh God dammit" "I told you to come by yourself." "Why did you have to bring the fatties?" "Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione are my best friends" "They're my best friends, and if this information is as important as you say it is" "They have a right to hear it" "Well I've been wrong before" "Get in here hot legs" "I was talking to Weasley" "Thanks?" "Sorry the place is such a sty" "Oh my God!" "That is a boss Zefron poster" "Harry:" "It's awesome" "Just the greatest" "You know in every interview I've ever seen him, he just seems like such a" "Charismatic uh, humanitarian" "You think you like him?" "Wrong, because I love him the most" "Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anybody else in the planet" "Ron:" "He does, that's- that's true" "Anyway, no!" "That's not what we're here to talk about" "We're talking about Voldemort" "Harry is right." "Not necessarily about Zefron" "Everybody knows that I like him the most, but uh" "About the Dark Lord" "If you, uh, were to defeat this guy" "You're going to have to know about Horcruxes" "Okay." "What's um" "What's a Horcrux" "What is a Horcrux?" "Horcrux is one of the most terrifying pieces of magic that a wizard can create." "It's- actually when a wizard takes a piece of his soul and puts it into something else" "Why would anybody ever want to do that?" "Harry, if you have a Horcrux you can never truly die" "Your body can be dead but your soul can live on" "Oh, it makes sense now, Harry" "Everyone knows that the night your parents were killed, Voldemort was destroyed but somehow he survived!" "He must have had a Horcrux!" "He didn't just have one Horcrux," "He had six of them!" "I've already killed the first five for you, so don't worry about that" "But you guys have to find the last one with this" "The sword of Godric Gryffindor!" "That's right" "Godric Gryffindor was one of the four founders of Hogwarts" "If anything can destroy a Horcrux, that sword is it" "This thing is so damn awesome" "Oh my God." "Every wizard should have a sword!" "Not these stupid drum sticks" "Forget about them!" "Yah!" "Yah!" "Okay, you know what Dumbledore?" "So we know what a Horcrux is, that's all well and good" "But how can we find one?" "Where are they?" "Where's the last one?" "We find them with this" "Oh!" "Looks like..." "Looks like G-Unit bling, but it is actually a Horcrux-seeking medallion" "Wait, that's a Horcrux-seeking medallion?" "I don't" " That sounds a little too convenient" "Oh so you have problems with the Time Turner but not the Horcrux-seeking medallion?" "Wait, so if he has this piece of bling, then why are Ron and I even here?" "Yeah Voldemort isn't any of our business" "Hermione Granger" "When one of you's has got a problem, that means all three of you's has gots a problem" "What would Zac Efron say at a time like this?" "We're all in this together!" "Anyway, you just gotta, you gotta find the Horcruxes and you gotta destroy them, that's the only way to beat the" "What is in that" "Guests, oh!" "It must be the Death Eaters!" "They're coming to kill me!" "Kids, get your beards on" "Wh- we don't have any beards!" "I thought I told you to bring beards" "We have an Invisibility Cloak" "Oh well put that on, it's not a beard" "Hey, are you Dumbledore?" "Oh no no no, you see I've got this beard on" "Well have you seen him?" "Oh, I thought I saw someone over there by that bureau but I could have just been imagining what it was that I looked like without this beard on" "Alright everybody spread out and look for Dumbledore" "He's gotta be around here somewhere" "Be careful with the Zac Efron poster, it's an antique" "Why do you care so much about Zefron?" "I just appreciate his charms and hair" "Harry:" "Yeah but everybody knows that I like him the best" "Ron:" "Oh my God shut up" "What the hell was that?" "Ron:" "Oh my God shut up" "I wish that I could say that, it was me because I feel that I love Zefron the most" "But it was definitely a voice from within this room" "Is it an invisible man?" "Could the predator be in the room?" "Begin invisible man search!" "Alright, it's me!" "It's Dumbledore" "Dumbledore, where'd you come from?" "The man with the beard turned me in" "Now we've got you right where we want you" "Yes, but what I don't understand is how" "We had the help of a man on the inside" "Someone you trusted" "Someone you may have even loved" "Slughorn?" "Lockheart?" "Aberforth, my brother?" "No" "It was me" "Malfoy, you little shit!" "That's right Dumbledore" "I betrayed everyone" "And now I'm going to kill you" "Oh no you're not." "Draco," "If you were gonna kill me you would have done so already" "No!" "No, no" "Not necessarily true!" "I just wanted to offer you one more game of Connect Four before I offed you" "Draco, there are other options" "You know it is time you looked inside yourself and figured out what it is that you really want" "I want Hermione Granger!" "and a rocketship" "Well why didn't you just take the girl out for a Happy Meal?" "Go to space camp, come on" "Murder leads to a life of despair and desperation" "I know you're gonna do the right thing, hey?" "Atta boy" "What the devil is going on here?" "Dumbledore:" "Severus, thank you What the devil is going on here?" "Dumbledore:" "Severus, thank you" "We've got Dumbledore cornered" "Well, what are we waiting for?" "Kill him!" "Do it, Draco!" "I don't think I can" "Coward!" "Ten points from Gryffindor!" "I don't understand" "I gave you my letterman's jacket" "It never fit" "Oh God!" "Why didn't you tell me?" "I could have shrunk it with magic" "Severus, please don't kill me!" "Avada Kedavra!" "Harry:" "I hate Snape!" "I hate Snape!" "I hate Snape." "I hate him" "I'm gonna kill him" "Hermione:" "It's not your fault, Harry" "No it is my fault, don't you get it?" "Everybody's dying because of me" "First Cedric, now Dumbledore" "I can't do it anymore" "Ron:" "Come on, let's go to The Burrow." "Come on!" "No don't you get it?" "I have to do this by myself" "I did it once when I was a baby" "I can't have you guys be near me." "You're too much at risk" "Hermione:" "N-no, we don't care about the risk!" "No you don't understand." "You" "You have to get away from me" "Ron:" "You can't mean that" "I do!" "Just leave me alone!" "Cornelius Fudge!" "The Minister of Magic" "I still don't believe you're back" "Believe this Fudge!" "Avada Kedavra!" "A heart attack." "Surely!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "The Ministry has fallen!" "Yes!" "Now you're the Minister" "Nay, the king of all magic!" "Oh, Voldemort" "Take me right here" "Right now, right here on the Minister's desk" "I'm gonna getcha" "Come here, Trixy!" "Oh, wait" "You wanna try something new?" "Oh, so new!" "Get on the desk" "Now sit up," "Bitch" "Yes, command me, my Lord" "That's nice" "So what do we do now?" "Anything we want" "Hang out mostly" "We could watch a movie" "How's about "She's All That"?" "I've never seen the beginning of it" "Are you feeling okay, my Lord?" "Of course I am, Quirrell" "Alright, that's the dozenth time you've called me that!" "No, I uh" "I called you a squirrel" "I-I... called you a squirrel" "No." "You're thinking on that peon we sent to Azkaban" "He's not a peon" "He's more a man than you'll ever be" "I can't do this" "If I'm going to be evil with all of you, I need to be evil with all of you" "Evil with all of me?" "Wh" "What does that mean?" "I know I'm right here" "No" "There are pieces of you missing" "Are you talking about my Horcruxes?" "'Cause- 'cause if it" "If it weren't for those I wouldn't even be here right now!" "I can't remember Dad" "And I can't remember Mom" "Aunts and uncles aren't quite the same" "But I had him" "And life seemed fair" "Yes I had him" "He was there" "To give me strength, show concern" "Ask for nothing in return" "Say hello, talk me though" "Do the things that fathers should do" "And I'm missing you" "I'm just missing you" "There it is." "He's gone" "And he's hung me out to dry" "The joy he said he felt, well" "I guess it was a lie" "But when I had him" "My life was fine" "When I had him" "He was mine" "He'd share his thoughts, be a friend" "Stick with me until the end" "Watch a movie, rollerskate" "Fill the world with fear and hate" "And I'm missing you" "I'm just missing you" "Now I'm all alone" "Now you're gone for good" "Now I'm stuck right here" "Wishing I understood" "You gave me hope when my spells weren't right" "You gave me someone to hold every night" "And I'm missing you" "Harry:" "I'm just missing you And I'm missing you" "Harry:" "I'm just missing you" "Quirrell:" "And I'm missing you Harry:" "I'm just missing you" "Quirrell:" "And I'm missing you" "I'm just missing you Quirrell:" "And I'm missing you" "I'm just missing you" "My Dark Lord, news from Severus Snape" "Dumbledore is dead and the dementors have control of the castle" "Hogwarts is yours, my Dark Lord!" "Excellent!" "Prepare my flying machine!" "Looks like I'm going back to Hogwarts!" "Ginny:" "Harry!" "Ginny, what are you doing here?" "Get out of here!" "No there's no place to go!" "The Death Eaters are all over the castle" "I know and they're looking for me and if they find me, they're gonna be with me" "Y-you're gonna, you're gonna get in trouble!" "Get out of here" "Well what are you gonna do?" "I don't know Ginny, I'm not cut out for this kind of thing" "Well no you have to do something." "I don't know what you can do but you can do it!" "You're Harry Potter" "No!" "You're the Boy Who Lived!" "No Ginny, you don't get it!" "None of you guys get it, I" "I'm just a twelve year old kid" "Ginny I'm sorry but" "I'm alone" "It's hopeless, right?" "I've been alone" "Surrounded by darkness" "And I've seen how heartless" "The world... can be" "And I've seen you crying" "You felt like it's hopeless" "And I'll always do my best" "To make... you see" "'Cause Harry, you're not alone" "'Cause you're here with me" "And nothing's ever gonna bring us down 'cause nothing can" "Keep me from loving you" "And you know it's true" "It don't matter what'll come to be" "Our love is all we need to make it through" "Now I know it ain't easy" "Harry:" "Know it ain't easy" "But it ain't hard trying" "Harry:" "So hard trying But it ain't hard trying" "Harry:" "So hard trying" "Everytime I see you smiling" "And I feel you so close to me" "Tell me" "'Cause baby you're not alone" "'Cause you're here with me" "And nothing's ever gonna bring us down 'cause nothing can" "Keep me from loving you" "And you know it's true" "It don't matter what'll come to be" "Our love is all we need to make it through" "Well I still have trouble" "I trip and stumble, trying to" "Make sense of things sometimes" "I look for reasons" "But I don't need them" "All I need is to look in your eyes" "And I realize" "Ron:" "Hey Harry" "Baby you're not alone" "'Cause you're here with me" "And nothing's ever gonna take us down" "'Cause nothing can keep me from loving you" "Harry:" "Loving you" "And you know it's true Harry:" "Loving you" "And you know it's true" "It don't matter what'll come to be" "Our love is all we need to make it through" "Guys" "I'm so glad you came back." "I'm sorry I shouted" "'Cause it don't matter what'll come to be" "Our love is all we need" "Ron:" "To make it" "To make" "To make" "To make it" "Through" "Alright now that we've got that four part harmony out of the way" "Why don't we go for that Horcrux?" "Yeah let's do it" "Well" "It could be anywhere" "If I had a Horcrux I would drop it in the bottom of the ocean" "Or I would put it in a pyramid with King Tut and all of his jewels" "Or I would blast it into space with a monkey who knew nothing about Horcruxes" "Or it could be hidden somewhere around the mundane British countryside" "Our search could entail months of depressing camping, breaking into Gringotts, and drinking boatloads of Polyjuice Potion" "Well the medallion says that dumb, so we're not gonna do that" "But it does say that it's in one convenient place" "Get this, Hogwarts." "Wouldn't you know it?" "That's awesome." "I love Hogwarts" "Harry:" "What's even better" "It's in Dumbledore's office!" "Oh, bitchin'" "Hermione:" "Awesome!" "Oh, bitchin'" "So let's go." "Oh wait a second, wait a second" "Hold the phone, how did you get here?" "The Death Eaters are all over Hogwarts" "I had help" "From who?" "Oh he's over here" "Malfoy!" "Oh, no, no, no, no." "He's really nice now" "Um, I just wanted to say that song you guys sang was really beautiful" "And um, while- while I was backstage" "I was, um, working on my harmonizing" "And I thought, um, maybe I could- maybe I could join you but ya" "Wrapped it up before I could chime in there" "Maybe if you uh, if you do a reprise I could have a little go at it" "So, um, but as- as Ginny said" "I'm really nice now" "And I just feel awful about what happened" "But I mean" "Could you argue that this was my fault?" "Ron:" "Yes, all- Harry:" "Absolutely, you're an asshole all the time" "Hermione:" "Yes, yes Harry:" "Absolutely, you're an asshole all the time" "Yeah, that would be a safe argument" "Uh, but" "Let me ask you one question" "Do you think..." "I'm happy about this?" "Oh my God Malfoy" "Just because you're upset doesn't mean you're off the hook" "Harry:" "Yeah, and further more" "Do you want to kick your own ass or should we do it for you?" "Ron:" "Yeah" "Oh, uh" "Well I guess if you're giving me the option" "I'll..." "I'll kick my own ass" "But, first I should teach you how to get into Dumbledore's office" "It's ironically the same way the Death Eaters got in" "Okay, alright." "Well why don't you boys head off to Dumbledore's office, okay?" "Ginny and I will take the Invisibility Cloak" "And uh, we will see if we can contact the Order of the Phoenix" "We really haven't seen them the whole play" "Harry:" "Okay, that's a good plan" "Okay, now don't touch me but let's get out of here" "That's good" "Ron:" "Um, hey, hey Hermione!" "Here come here, come here" "Come downstage" "Uh listen" "Shit" "Um, alright" "Uh, hey" "So..." "I've been acting like a real jerk-ass lately" "You know that" "And uh, and I'm sorry" "It's just, it's just seeing you dance with everyone at the Yule Ball just made me kind of jealous" "I was" " I was jealous" "You were jealous?" "That's the third time I said I'm jealous" "Uh, well Ron, we don't really have to talk about this right now" "Well what if the Death Eaters get us?" "What if we don't come back, you know?" "Ron, don't say that" "Whoa" "Oh my God" "Oh, no way" "Take that" "Blueberry" "Yeah I can taste that" "Good." "Let it settle" "Yeah, yeah" "It's ungodly" "Take two, take two" "You chew it" "Awesome" "LET'S GO KILL VOLDEMORT!" "You blokes see this Zefron poster?" "Ron:" "Yeah we know Malfoy" "Harry:" "We already know about it" "Listen Malfoy, it's not that big of a deal" "Can we just look for some Horcruxes please?" "Ron:" "Roger" "This thing of pencils a Horcrux?" "No that's not a Horcrux" "Nope" "This has a Horcrux?" "Nope" "Draco:" "Powdered Donettes?" "Nope." "Those are snacks" "Those are snacks" "This a Horcrux?" "Try again" "This could take forever" "He owns so many things in this room" "But the only thing of real value" "That Zefron poster" "Wait a second" "Draco:" "No" "You don't think..." "No" "Anything related to Zac Efron would never be anything evil" "Ron:" "That's impossible." "No way" "Ron!" "Kill it!" "Kill it, it's the last Horcrux" "Kill it Ron!" "Draco:" "Don't kill it!" "Kill it Ron!" "Draco:" "Don't kill it!" "It's Zefron!" "No he's so charismatic!" "Don't kill me!" "I'm not your enemy" "Potter is the enemy" "No no no Harry is my friend" "You gotta get your head in the game, Weasley!" "He will betray you" "He will take that which you want the most" "It's a lie, Ron!" "Don't listen to it, he's lying" "I know your thoughts Ronald Weasley" "I know what you truly desire" "Hermione:" "Hello Ron" "Oh my God Hermione, you've lost weight" "That's right." "I'm in shape for Harry Potter" "Wait, what" " Harry?" "That's right!" "As long as Harry's around you'll always be second best, least loved" "But if Harry Potter were gone, then we could be together forever" "Ron!" "It's not true." "It's not true, Ron" "Yeah Harry's my friend" "But don't you want me Ron?" "Yes" "Don't you love me Ron?" "Ron:" "Yes!" "Don't you love me Ron?" "Then you know what you gotta do, Ron!" "Ron:" "Yes!" "Then you know what you gotta do, Ron!" "Yes" "I must kill Harry" "That's right Weasley!" "Harry:" "Ron!" "No!" "That's right Weasley!" "It's a trick, Ron." "Don't listen to her!" "That's right Weasley!" "It's a trick, Ron." "Don't listen to her!" "Stop it!" "Listen, Hermione's my best- two of my best friends!" "I would never do anything to hurt you or her!" "Lies Weasley!" "All lies." "You will cower in hell!" "Ron it's not true!" "You're my best friend, man." "My best friend!" "Kill him!" "Ron it's not true!" "You're my best friend, man." "My best friend!" "Ron it's not true!" "You're my best friend, man." "My best friend!" "Kill him!" "Do it again" "Oh just- put some tape on this, it's fine" "Ron" "You had me going there for a minute, buddy" "Oh yeah" "Sorry about that, pal." "It was just..." "Everything she was saying, you know, and it feels like I couldn't" "I dunno..." "What?" "Even if that's how she did feel about you and me" "Well, it wouldn't matter" "'Cause you're my best friend" "I would never... do anything to hurt you" "Because I love you" "I love you too, man" "Come on" "I love you man, that's so great..." "My best friend- I love you man, that's so great..." "My best friend" "No touching, no, no" "Well um, listen chaps" "As fun as this was, I thought destroying a Horcrux would be much harder" "Yeah" "Me too" "'Cause when you think about it" "Horcruxes are just kind of stupid" "Yeah look at that" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Bellatrix:" "Wands down boys!" "How did you idiots get captured?" "You were invisible" "Hermione:" "Sorry!" "Do it Potter!" "Or they die!" "Well, looks like we've got our backs up against the wall with nowhere to go" "Put you swords down, and wands" "Aww, look at itty bitty Harry Potter giving orders to his itty bitty diaper friends!" "I'm not a baby!" "I'm not a baby, I'm twelve and I killed a Horcrux" "Snape:" "What the devil is going on here?" "I'm not a baby!" "I'm not a baby, I'm twelve and I killed a Horcrux" "Snape:" "What the devil is going on here?" "Whoa, déjà vu, I'm so..." "Bellatrix:" "Victory Snape!" "I love it!" "We have Potter and his friends at last!" "You are a very mean person!" "Yeah and Dumbledore trusted you" "Yeah you're a big fat traitor Snape" "Oh a traitor am I, Potter?" "You're exactly right" "I am a traitor" "Because I'm about to betray someone" "Right now" "Hiya!" "Bat-Bogey Hex!" "No!" "Expelliarmus!" "Serpensortia!" "My wiener!" "Snape!" "No, Snape!" "Don't even think about moving unless any one of you wants a snake to the wiener!" "Now come on Potter, you're coming with me" "Only the Dark Lord has reserved the right to kill you." "Come on!" "Kids!" "Mom!" "?" "Mrs. Weasley?" "Who the hell are you?" "I'm Molly Weasley and those are my kids" "Avada Kedavra!" "That is not fair!" "Die!" "Bitch" "Holy shit!" "Mom you just killed her!" "I thought you were going to tuck in her shirt or make her do the dishes!" "Stupid!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow" "Deperate time calls for deperate measures" "Even the Unforgivable can be considered forgivable sometimes." "What are you doing here?" "We came here with the Order of the Phoenix" "Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, Sirius Black, and your brother Fred" "Oh great, where are they?" "They're all dead" "Fred... no!" "Anyway..." "Just came here to save your lives, go back to what you were doing" "Disapparate!" "Snape!" "Snape, Snape" "Um, uh..." "Expelliarmus!" "Die!" "Die!" "No..." "Harry this does not look good." "That is a coral snake" "And a coral snake is a highly poisonous snake" "Snape:" "Potter, she's right And a coral snake is a highly poisonous snake" "Snape:" "Potter, she's right" "It's too late for me now" "Before I go, I need to tell you" "There is another Horcrux" "How can that be?" "All six have been destroyed" "No, no there's a seventh" "I really hope it's not an Ashley Tisdale poster." "I can't do that" "Take the medallion" "Doesn't say anything" "But give it to Granger" "Wait but... it says there's one right here but I don't understand" "Yeah" "Harry, the night Voldemort killed your parents" "He tried to destroy you but his body was destroyed instead" "When that happened, a part of his soul was blasted away from the whole" "And attached itself... to you" "Voldemort can never truly die until all the Horcruxes have been destroyed" "But if... if Harry's a Horcrux, I mean, does Harry have to be destroyed?" "There's got to be another way" "No, Potter." "I'll show you what you need to do" "Watch very carefully" "He... he didn't even do anything" "That's cause he's dead you dumb mother" "People of Hogwarts" "My Death Eaters have taken the castle" "And your headmaster, Albus Dumbledore... he's dead" "Continue to resist, and you will all be killed one by one" "But... there need not be war between us" "You all fought so valiantly" "And I'm willing to offer you positions in my new world order as my slaves" "Give up now and be forgiven" "I command my Death Eaters to stand down" "Now, Harry Potter." "I speak directly to you" "You do not wish for those closest to you to continue to suffer and die on your behalf" "You will come face me yourself" "I will be waiting for you in the Forbidden Forest for one hour" "At the end of that hour you have not come to face me, have not- turned yourself in..." "The battle recommences" "This time, Potter, I shall enter the frame myself" "And I will find you" "And I will murder every last man, women, and child" "Who has tried to conceal you from me" "Voldemort out, bitches" "Alright guys don't worry." "We- we still have an hour" "Okay?" "We just need to come up with a plan" "No, there's- there's no plan Hermione." "I know what I have to do." "I" "I have to die" "No no no no there's got to be another way" "Well, m-maybe there's something, uh" "Maybe there's something in this book" "You know we- we could find some sort of enchantment that will nullify" "No, no forget about it." "There" "There's only one thing to do" "I have to die" "I love you all" "Except you Draco, I can't *** stand you" "Goodbye" "Ginny:" "Harry..." "Ron:" "Harry!" "Ginny:" "Harry..." "He's not coming, my Lord" "It seems that way" "Well Death Eaters" "Looks like we're going back to seize the castle" "This is what Potter has chosen" "It's funny I..." "I expected him to" "I expected him to come" "It seems I was mistaken" "Harry:" "You weren't!" "Harry Potter!" "The Boy Who Lived" "Crucio!" "Ow..." "Crucio!" "You're not even going to fight back" "You're weak" "Weak" "Just like your..." "Parents" "They did not deserve to live in this world" "In my world!" "Prepare to join them" "Prepare" "To die" "Avada Kedavra!" "Voldy!" "Voldy!" "You've done it my Lord." "Potter is dead!" "No one shall ever question your powers again!" "Yes" "Doesn't this please you my Lord?" "Yeah" "Yeah it's great, it's great" "I just thought it might make me feel less empty inside" "Well Death Eaters" "We go back to Hogwarts to tell them of what has become of their" "Hero" "Dumbledore:" "Hey Harry" "Harry:" "Whoa!" "Dumbledore, wha-?" "What are you doing here?" "What am- where am I?" "I thought I was dead." "I got shot by Voldemort" "Let's just say you're somewhere between our world and the next" "What?" "Did I survive?" "What... what happened?" "Wouldn't be the first time, Potter" "Take a seat" "Alright" "Harry" "Have you ever heard of a lo" " Sit down!" "Have you ever heard of a love shield?" "Uh... no but it sounds kind of" "Kind of fruity" "A love shield is anything but fruity" "It's when somebody loves you so much that if they were ever willing to give their live for you" "That love literally becomes a shield that surrounds your body" "To protect you from any form of Dark Magic" "So is that what just happened to me?" "I have a love shield?" "Harry, it's time for you to learn all the things you should have known seven years ago" "Which really would have helped you along the way" "The love shield protected you the first time, uh" "Voldemort accidentally turned you into the seventh Horcrux" "The one that not even he knew about." "Uh..." "Exactly, and when Voldemort tried killing you this time" "He was actually unknowingly killing the piece of himself inside of you" "Uh, and I've known the whole time" "You knew this whole time?" "You bastard" "Hey, hey You knew this whole time?" "You bastard" "Hey, hey" "They don't call me the greatest wizard who ever lived for nothing" "Harry, it is time for you to get your cute little butt back there and fight him as a mortal man" "Except this time, he will be a mortal man too" "Dumbledore, I get what you're saying." "I know what I have to do" "Good boy, good boy" "Hey, before I go... um" "So you're clairvoyant now, right?" "You can see the past, the present, and the future all the same time?" "Oh yeah You can see the past, the present, and the future all the same time?" "Can you tell me how Lost ends?" "Harry, there are some questions that even I can't answer" "Thanks man" "Hey, no problem." "Get out of here" "Third door on your left, yeah" "Are you ready to go Dumbledore?" "Sure am, Rumbleroar!" "And you're sure you don't want to let Harry Potter know that you're really still alive?" "Ahh no" "Pigfarts has been a closely guarded secret for thousands of years" "It'd be a shame to let the cat out of the bag" "No pun intended" "I supposed you're right" "Do you have your spacesuit, Dumbledore?" "Oh!" "Thank you for reminding me!" "Ready to go, Rumby?" "I sure am" "To Pigfarts!" "Rumbleroar!" "People of Hogwarts" "It's me" "Harry Potter... is dead" "He was killed while running away, trying to save himself" "While you laid down your lives for him" "The battle is won!" "My Death Eaters outnumber you" "You continue to resist and be slaughtered" "Come out of the castle!" "Kneel before me, and you may be spared" "Ah shit" "Okay, um..." "Alright, uh you guys." "You guys barricade the door" "Go with, with the bench." "Go, go." "Do it." "Do it right now" "Um, Cho!" "You- you see if Neville's dead" "Um, you guys!" "Uh, go get snacks!" "Ah shit we barricaded the door" "Me..." "I will... will- quick" "Well, there's only one thing we need to do." "We're gonna fight" "Ugh, come on I'm tired" "Can't we just be Death Eaters?" "No!" "No we can't just be Death Eaters" "Okay?" "We are gonna fight!" "Okay?" "And we are gonna fight so hard!" "That we are gonna win" "He thinks that we're finished" "He thinks that we're done" "He thinks that it's over" "His battle is won" "Ha!" "He thinks that we're finished" "No, but we're aren't through" "Stop and think, my friends." "What would Harry do for you?" "Never gave up the fight" "Harry stood up for what is right" "Well now it's our turn" "Our turn!" "Make a joyful sound" "Voldemort is going down!" "Yah!" "Come on!" "Come on guys!" "Get in a line!" "We must unite so we can fight" "Turn the battle around!" "Time's running out." "It's time to shout" "Voldemort is going down!" "Can't you feel a fire burning?" "Now it's time to be a man" "A great big, muscley, super big, super hot man!" "We won't be pushed around anymore" "We'll be a force you cannot ignore" "We'll be an army for Dumbledore" "For Dumbledore!" "We must unite so we can fight" "Turn the battle around!" "Time's running out." "It's time to shout" "Voldemort is going down!" "Guys I'm alive!" "Ron:" "You're back!" "Guys, I know how to defeat Voldemort" "Everybody follow me, okay?" "We're gonna beat him" "We must unite so we can" "FIGHT!" "Turn the battle around!" "Time's running out." "It's time to shout!" "Voldemort is going..." "We must unite, so we can fight Voldemort is going..." "Voldemort is going down!" "Cho!" "No, no no no it's cool." "We barricaded it" "It's alright." "He can't get in." "We barricaded the two doors and it's fine" "It's impossible." "It's impossible." "Don't worry about it" "Avada Kedavra!" "What!" "?" "Potter!" "?" "How many times do I have to kill you, boy?" "Clearly more than once" "But it's all over Voldemort, 'cause you can't kill me this time" "Nobody help me." "I gotta do this by myself" "He doesn't mean that!" "It's not how he operates, is it boy?" "Who you gonna use as a human shield this time, Potter?" "Harry:" "Don't" "Hermione:" "Ron!" "Harry:" "Don't" "Ron:" "Oh" "Nobody!" "Because this time it's just you and me" "Because all the Horcruxes are gone." "I destroyed them all" "What?" "Even my Zefron poster!" "?" "Especially the Zefron poster!" "No!" "Curse you, Potter!" "You'll die for that!" "No!" "I won't, I won't" "Because you can't kill me, and you can't kill any of these people" "What the **** you on about?" "You don't learn from your mistakes, do you Voldemort?" "I was prepared to die to save these people" "But you didn't!" "Yes, but I meant to" "And that's what did it" "I've done what my mother did for me for these people" "I've given them magical sanctuary so you can't hurt me" "Or these people ever again!" "So what?" "Who cares about these children?" "It's you I want dead, Potter" "What's to stop you from dying when I strike?" "Just one thing" "Think about all the people you've hurt, Voldemort" "All the lives you've destroyed" "All the people you've killed" "Okay?" "Maybe try a little slice of remorse pie" "What?" "There's got to be one person... one thing in your life that you miss" "You regret" "Well, maybe there's one I..." "No!" "There isn't!" "The joke's on you, Potter!" "I don't care about anybody!" "I know" "And that's what makes you such a piece of shit" "'Cause here at Hogwarts we all stick together" "We love one another." "We're friends" "My love's protected these guys" "And their love is all I need to protect me from you" "Let's put that theory to the test, Potter" "Avada Kedavra!" "Harry:" "Expelliarmus!" "Cho:" "Well chocolate frogs!" "Harry Potter did it, y'all!" "Whoa!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Whoa, whoa whoa whoa" "Listen, Harry" "What?" "Just wanna let you guys know, um" "That I'm totally cool with it." "Go on" "Go, make out with him." "Come on." "Make out with me" "Guys, I mean, I guess that about ties up all the loose ends!" "Yeah!" "Everything's cool!" "Oh!" "Except for the House Cup Tournament" "Neville:" "Kids!" "Kids, look at this" "I found Dumbledore's will" "Harry:" "Dumbledore's will?" "It says in the event of my death, Gryffindor wins the House Cup!" "It also says that Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter" "My chocolate factory goes to Charlie" "And Toontown goes to the Toons!" "Hey guys, well I guess all the professors are dead, so" "Butterbeer's on me!" "Free to go" "Quirrell:" "Thank you" "Dementor:" "You know" "While I was devouring every single one of your happy thoughts" "They all seem to be about a certain friend of yours" "Care to talk?" "No, no that's behind me now" "Sorry" "Well did you hear the news?" "Voldemort is dead!" "Yeah, good luck getting off this impenetrable island" "Dead!" "?" "Hey you" "Voldemort is it... is it really you?" "What's left of me" "But I just heard that you were" "Destroyed" "Yeah" "But Quirrell there's" "There's part of me... that's still here" "And I can't go on to the next plane without it" "It's a part of me that can't be destroyed" "Because it's right in..." "Here" "In my heart?" "So you came back?" "I came home" "And you don't want to kill Harry Potter anymore?" "No..." "No" "Because I learned something when I had my body back, Quirrell" "I learned that life is really messy" "And it doesn't turn out the way that you think it will" "And that- you" "You think killing people might make them like you but it doesn't" "It just makes people dead" "I got ki" " I got killed by a two year old!" "And it's really embarrassing, and everyone says" ""When you gonna come back Voldemort?"" ""When you gonna take over the world?"" "And it's on me!" "It's all on me!" "And I'm sitting there by myself 'cause no one wants to help" "And I say to myself" "Maybe with Quirrell things would be okay" "Is okay good?" "Quirrell" "Okay is wonderful" "Baby you're not alone" "'Cause you're here with me" "And nothing's ever gonna bring us down 'cause nothing can" "Keep me from loving you" "And you know it's true" "It don't matter what'll come to be" "Our love is all we need to make it through"