"Okay, relax." "I didn't get it on video." "Okay, you're my best friend again." "Anyways, I wanted to capture your first steps on tape" "But every time I put the camera on you," "All I see is this." "Wait, wait, wait." "And nothing." "Same thing happened with the poop." "Girls, girls, come here." "Check it out." "It's an old video of me." "Lots of videotaping in this family." "You guys sure do like yourselves." "It's from my old glory days back at south high." "No way, Mrs. D. You went to our school?" "No, you're going to my school." "Whoa whoa, there I am..." "The school mascot." "You were that big sheep thing?" "Not a sheep." "A ram." "Rammy the wammy." "Here it is..." "My famous wammy wiggle." "Listen to the crowd." "They love me." "Well, sure." "Everybody loves a dancing sheep." "Again," "It's a ram." "It has horns." "It sure looks like a lot of fun, mom." "You really think so?" "Yeah yeah." "Do you think I'd say something like that" "Just to humor you?" "I'm so happy to hear that" "Because they're holding mascot tryouts this week." "But, mom, you've already been wammy." "Why would you try out again?" "I'm talking about you." "Please tell me "you" is ivy." "Think about it, Teddy." "You would be the first ever second-generation wammy." "I've been dreaming about this since you were born." "According to the internet, sheep can have horns." "Look, I don't want to put any pressure on you." "It's your decision." "You do not have to do this for me." " I don't?" " No." "You'll do it for us." " Hey." " What are you doing?" "Watching all my old wammy videos with Teddy." "Teddy?" "You're missing all the good parts." "What am I saying?" "They're all good parts." "Except for this one." "Remember this, Bob?" "Oh, how can I forget?" "The night the north high barbarian took you down." "I hated that guy." "Even for a barbarian, he was a jerk." "You remember the time those goons from north high" "Grabbed you, took you on a little joyride?" "Every wammy's worst nightmare." "You know what?" "I can't even watch it." "It's too painful even now." "Oh, wait, this is a good part." "Come here, kids." "You're gonna love this." "Recognize that guy?" "Is that P.J.?" "Nope, that's me." "You mean that thin guy with a full head of hear is you?" "Yep." "So that means" "I'm gonna look like you when I get old." "Oh, I stopped looking like that when I was 25." "But that's only eight years from now." "Enjoy it while you got it." "If I were you, I'd marry young." "What are you doing in here?" "Not being out there." "What tape is she up to?" "Volume three, "wammy behind the mask."" "Dad, she wants me to try out." "Oh, boy." "I knew this day was coming." "But I don't want to be a mascot." "I'll be the biggest dork in school." "You gotta help me out here." " What do you want me to do?" " Can't you talk to her?" "Yeah, okay." "I'll do that, honey, right after I mention" "That her favorite pants make her look fat." " Who looks fat?" " Mother." "Hey, we almost ended at the same time." "Only because I dropped one of my sticks." "Did you see Charlie?" "She was totally rocking out." " Is she amazing or what?" " She's okay." "Okay?" "What is that supposed to mean?" "You guys are always going on and on" "About what a super baby Charlie is." "Man, I got a nephew Mason." "Now that's a baby." "What's so great about Mason?" "Well, for one thing he's a stud at peek-a-boo." "Come on, Charlie can play peek-a-boo with her eyes closed." "That's how you play peek-a-boo." "What else you got?" "Well, Mason's an incredibly fast crawler." "Not as fast as Charlie." "She's like a cat." "Mason sleeps at night with a rabbit..." "Not a stuffed one, one that he caught." "So you think Mason's faster." "I think Charlie's faster." "There's only one way to settle this." "We challenge you to a baby race." "Oh, it is on." "And you're gonna be sorry" "Because Mason rhymes with racing'." "We'll take our chances." "In the meantime, you might want to take a good look at this," "Because that's all you and Mason are gonna be seeing." "I can't believe you're trying out for wammy." "The whole idea behind this friendship" "Was for you to make me more popular," "Not lessopular." "Okay, relax." "I said I had to try out." "I didn't say I had to do well." "All right, people." "Time for wammy tryouts." " First up, Teddy Duncan." " I'm Teddy." "Daughter of Amy Duncan," "The second finest wammy this school has ever seen." " Who was the first?" " You're looking at her." "Let's do this thing!" "All right, Duncan, let me set the scene for you." "The team is down by eight." "You need to get that crowd jazzed up." "Now give me what you got!" "Come on, crowd, jazz up." "I am not feeling that." "Moving on." "How's your dancing?" "You tell me." "What was that?" "That was interpretive dancing." "That piece was called "spring day."" "I can also show you "global warming"" "Or "dogs wow!"" "Dancing..." "question mark." "Question mark?" "That stuck, exclamation point!" "All right, Duncan, one more thing." "Take that flag there and fire up that crowd." "There's something wrong with that flag." "Duncan, that was" "Absolutely terrible, all of it." "It's okay." "I know what you're gonna say." "Congratulations, wammy." "But I was awful." "Yeah, but you're the only one who tried out." "See you at the big game." "I can't believe this." "Well, in hindsight," "I guess we should have noticed" "That nobody else was here." "Hey, Gabe, do me a favor." "Check the back of my head." "Does it look like I'm going bald?" "Well, it's tempting to say yes," "So yes." "Seriously?" "No." "Your hair is as full and stupid-looking as ever." "Thank you." "You're a good brother." "Is this why you wanted me to come down here?" "No, it is time" "To train Charlie for the baby race." "Charlie?" "I thought the baby race was gonna be" "You and emmett in diapers." "Now I've lost interest." "Okay, turbo baby," "Let's see what you've got." "Looks like I've got a little work to do." "There she is." "Hi, mom." "Hi, wammy." "Oh, did miss covington call you?" "No, it's on the school website." "Already?" "There's not a picture up of me, is there?" "There is now." "I just sent one in." "And I've got a big surprise for you." "I kept it at the end of my last season." "It's been sitting in the back of the shed" "For the last 20 years." "Then I can't wait to put it on my head." "Come on." "Get it on there, girl." "We've got some work to do." "Teddy, you look so beautiful." "Smells like armpit in here." "I know." "You'll get used to it." "Okay, I'm gonna teach you" "Some of my signature wammy moves." "You gotta hit it hard, girl." "Now you gotta keep in rhythm." "And the best way to do that is with the wammy wiggle." "A-five, six, seven, eight!" "Now we're gonna build on that move." "You ready?" "We're gonna get our steam up." "It goes like this." "Whoo, ah-whoo, ah-whoo." "No no, sweetheart." "You lost your wiggle." "If you try to get your steam up without the wiggle," "You'll just look like a fool out there." "Sure wouldn't want that to happen." "Next I want you to jump up in the air" "And you gotta land with your arms forming" "A big "W"." "That's really cute." "No no no, Teddy." "It's all in the elbows." "You're not vammy." "You're not hammy." "You're wammy!" "Okay, girl, you do it." "Now dig deep and let your fire fly!" "I can't do this." "Sure you can." "You just gotta practice." "Wammy wasn't built in a day." "No, I don't want to do this." "What?" "I don't want to be hammy or vammy or wammy!" "I quit." "Hey, what did you do to your mother?" "I told her I didn' want to be a wammy." "I was just being honest with her." "Honest?" "What are you thinking?" "How's she taking it?" "Not well." "She's lying in bed with her wammy head on," "Stuffing tissues up her snout." "I don't know." "Maybe being wammy was cool when you guys were in school..." "Are you kidding me?" "It was never cool." "Your mom just didn't know that." "How could she not know that?" "Did she spend all four years of high school wearing that giant head?" "It was her yearbook picture." "Look, Teddy, if you don't go to that big game" "There's gonna be no wammy," "And that is gonna break your mother's heart." "Dad, I just don't want to look stupid." "Look, you're gonna let your mom and everybody at school down" "Because you're afraid of looking stupid?" "Yes, thank you for understanding." "Honey, I'm not gonna tell you what to do." "But just remember," "Sometimes the right decision" "Can feel like the wrong decision." "And the hard decision can be the best decision." "But the good decision..." "Oh, come on, please just be wammy!" "Hey, wammy." "Going somewhere?" "Ever been to north high?" "'cause I was thinking" "We could all take a little trip." "It's about to charge." "Get it!" "Oh, this is the greatest prank ever!" "All right, let's see what nerd is wearing the costume this year." "Dude, wammy's old." "Wammy is not old." "Wammy had four kids." "I didn't see her." "Your mom's not in there." "I can't believe it." "She's the only reason I'm doing this stupid thing." "Well, let's get out of here." "Duncan, the gym's this way." "Let me look at you." "Not you... wammy." "Put on the head." "Oh, you look so much like your mother." "Showtime!" "I'm right behind you, t." "Got your back." "Gentlemen, start your babies." "Go!" "And they're off!" "Oh, look, Mason." "Come to the peaches." "Come to mommy." "Come to mommy." "Mason got the early lead." "Charlie's bringing up the rear." "Look at my boy go." "He's barely breaking a sweat." "At the halfway mark it's Mason, followed by Charlie." "Come on, Charlie." "You can do it." "Coming down the home stretch." "It's still Mason in the lead." "Come on, Charlie." "It's now or never." "And the winner is..." "Charlie!" "Oh my gosh!" "Charlie, you just took your first steps." "Not your best day, Mason." "What went wrong out there?" "We'll be back when we learn how to walk." "Can you please take me back to the gym?" "No way." "Not till the game's over." "Okay, can you take me home then?" "I don't even care about the game, guys." "North high, south high..." "what's the difference?" "Only one thing..." " North high rules!" " Yeah!" "Yeah, baby!" "Okay, whatever." "Look, if we're gonna drive around in circles for hours," " Can I at least use the bathroom?" " Can't you hold it?" "I've had four kids." "I pee when I sneeze." "Gross." "Pull over." "Thank you." "You're such a gentleman." "South high rules!" "Safety first." "Ram on the lam!" "Staring at my baldness" "Ain't gonna stop your baldness." "I just can't believe that's gonna happen to me." "Would you stop focusing on the negatives?" " Think about the positives." " Like what?" "You're gonna have a large baseball cap collection." "You're gonna save on shampoo." "And with the money you save on shampoo" "You can buy more baseball caps." "Here comes Teddy." "That's my best friend." "Wammy's my best friend." "Wammy!" "Wammy!" "Wammy!" "Well, Charlie, looks like we both took baby steps today." "You walked for the first time" "And I did something I didn't want to do and wound up liking it." "Wammy jammy!" "Good luck, Charlie." "Come on, P.J. We're gonna be late for school."