""El País", Saturday, 2nd May, 2002." ""The girl who sees without seeing." "A strange illness prevents a sighted young lady" "from interpreting what she sees. "" "The article is signed by Rafael Mendez, in Cuenca." ""Esther Chumillas does not see what she sees." "She sees, but the information that reaches her brain is lost, and she cannot" "retain what she has seen." "She has visual agnosia, a rare illness that has no treatment." "That is why Esther walks without any problem, but is unaware of the street she is walking on." "That is why she can neither recognize her father nor describe the car she just got into on her own." "The strangest thing is that this girl, born in Cuenca 18 years ago, can read and write and identify colours." "Only that allows her to have a certain independence. "" "Do we know the floor?" "I think it's the ground floor." " Are there more floors?" " Yes." ""I know I'm at home"..." "Sorry, "on my street", she says," ""because I can read the number, the name on the plaque, but not because I recognize it." "I know it's my home because I can read the number at the entrance, but I can't describe what the entrance hall is like. "" ""At that moment, on a side street of Cuenca," "Esther turns her head and alerts:" "'Be careful, a car is coming. '" "'How do you know it's a car?" "'" "'I read the licence plate." "If it has a plate, it must be a car. "'" "It may not be here." "Of course, it's here." "Esther Chumillas." "We made a mistake!" "Esther." "I was ringing the other door..." "BEYOND THE MIRROR a film by Joaquin Jorda" "The game started a long time ago." "There have already been many withdrawals on both sides." "When Esther enters the game in the form of a white pawn, the situation is as follows:" "Reds are resisting with 3 pieces:" "King, queen and knight." "Whites attack with:" "Pawn, knight, rook, king and queen." "You've always been interested... in what is happening and why." "When you had..." " What did you have?" " Meningitis." "Meningitis." " You were?" " What?" " How old were you?" " 13 years old." "13 years old." "When did you realize what you had, that something was happening to you, and tried to find out what it was?" "When I got out of the ICU." "When I regained awareness and started to realize things," "I always asked because I noticed that the doctors spoke outside my room." "But I wanted to know what was wrong with me." "What did you feel, what did you start to understand then?" "That life is not easy." "The day before, I was at the carnival as normal as ever." "Who would have known that the next day I'd be in a wheelchair and blind?" "You couldn't see anything?" "Nothing?" " Not even shadows?" " No." " You couldn't move either?" " No." "Your legs were paralyzed." " Practically your entire body..." " Yes." "How long were you like that?" "9 days in the ICU, and then in a hospital room, 2 or 2 and a half months." "Two and a half months." " You remember those moments?" " Yes." "How did you live them at home?" "I didn't find out until my classmates told me my sister was dying." "How did you see her?" "A real sight, I guess." "She didn't even move." " What was she like?" " A vegetable." "A vegetable." "Like a cadaver, but with her eyes open." "Meanwhile, what went through your mind, and mouth?" "I don't know." "I saw... well, not saw but heard people walking and doing things." "I felt helpless and thought: "What am I going to do here in bed?" "What will be of my life after I leave this hospital... if I have to be in bed?"" " The thing is you can move now." " Yes." " What happened?" " Well, then..." "I don't know, I started..." "I broke down from the beginning because I thought it was impossible to overcome the barriers I had there then." "My parents saw me like that, and that's when they requested to have Fernando Hierro go see me in the hospital." " For what?" " For my passion for soccer." "Then I thought I couldn't give up and stay in that bed because I had to struggle and try to achieve something." " And I did." " What did you feel?" "Well, I felt a sensation of like something that gives you internal strength, and that my parents were with me 24 hours a day, they never left me, and my sister was here, alone." "She was little and she had to be all alone, and it was all because of me, and I had to compensate them somehow." "And then, at the beginning..." "Relax." "MURCIA." "JULY, 2002" "What exactly is alexia?" "Alexia?" "The global term is agnosia." "Alexia is a symptom of agnosia." "Alexia is the difficulty, or impossibility, there are different degrees," "to assign a sign-letter the value it normally has." "And that becomes the difficulty or impossibility, there are various degrees, to read." "The origin is a transmission difficulty between the eyes, that register the object, and that transmission to the brain, which is blurred, and transmission is not carried out, or is distorted." " Can that be cured?" " No, it can't be cured." "There is no cure because, be it due to a haemorrhage on a certain area, be it due to a traumatism that has amputated or damaged a minimum area of the brain, these areas are very small," "but contain... this ability, this sort of thing." "Whatever it may be, the brain is unrecoverable matter." "I've had moments in these three years when I've had awakenings, recovering my normal life." "I had one two or three years ago." "I was in the bar of a hotel." "No, a restaurant in Barcelona." "I was in front of..." "I was waiting for someone." "And suddenly I found myself saying:" ""Batter fried squid, potato omelette, spicy fried potatoes", out loud." "It was because I was in front of a blackboard indicating the appetizers of the day, so I read it." "And as I was not used to reading, I said it out loud." "And people looked at me like:" ""What the hell is that idiot doing?"" "I was delighted." "I went outside and saw everything." "I understood signs, everything." "I read with normality." "And I understood." "This vision..." "It's not only reading." "There are many things." "Agnosia also means there is a lack of knowledge of the object." "I recovered my normality." "After two, two and a half, three hours, little by little, it came to me suddenly," "and started to disappear as if the shutter of the diaphragm were closing, until..." "I lost what I then had and recovered what I had before." "It didn't upset me much." "But it did hurt." " It saddened you?" " Yes, it did." "Yes." "Rosario." "Hello." " How are you?" " I'm fine, and you?" "To find Esther, and then you, has been like..." " Esther found you, didn't she?" " No, I found her." "You found her because you read the newspaper." "I read the newspaper, and what I saw there, of everything I saw," "what caught my attention was the reasoning because it made no sense." "She's a normal person." "It's an alternative logic that remains after going through this." "And it was that logic that made me think:" " "This girl... "" " Is on the right track." "Yes." "When I was told I had a brain tumour, I took it lightly." "As I said before, I have a tumour but also a surgeon, so let's not get nervous." "But as the time came closer..." "At first" "I located the tumour in a very convenient place." " I thought I was fine." " Right here." "I located it between the cranium and the brain." "I thought that was okay and understood it could work out well." "And after the fourth visit to the surgeon..." "The surgeon looks at the resonance and starts to say:" ""This duct this way, that one, the other. "" "Then I asked him:" ""But, where is it?"" "When I realized the tumour was in the centre of my brain," "I started to think deeply:" ""This can turn out bad, or worse. "" "I considered I could even die there, or go out and sit on a chair in front of a picture window for a long time." "And that is an experience that raises and maintains your goal because it makes you live the experience, life, another way." "And at that time," "I settled things with God and the notary." "With the notary it was easy." "With God was complicated." "So I went to the notary, drew up a will, and then thought:" ""What if I stay in a chair, looking at a picture window?"" "I drew up a power of attorney." "And the morning I went to the hospital," "It was like being on a death row." "Exactly the same." "I thought I wouldn't make it." "When I woke up," "I said: "Hey, I'm not dead. "" "How strange, huh?" " You write well, though." " That was very difficult." "Writing again was difficult." "But I didn't know why, why everything was so difficult." "I didn't understand." "The first time I tried to write," "I tried to write a thank you note to a friend who sent me a wonderful bouquet of flowers." "I thought I'd write it, thank him, send it to him through someone, and that's it." "Then I realized I couldn't write." "I wanted to write thank you, or something nice, but I couldn't..." "I didn't even know which way to go." "You think about such things that..." "When I turned my computer on" "I understood nothing." "I saw the screen full of letters." "Do you distinguish between letters and numbers?" "I was shocked when I saw they were 2 different things." " I was shocked." " You can't distinguish." " You don't." " At times I tried to read numbers, but I couldn't." "It's such a discovery of the world that it can be ridiculous." "If you explain it, people say:" ""Okay"." "But no one can understand it." "But why are they different if they are symbols too?" " It's complicated." " I understand numbers better." " So do I." " They mean something in themselves." "That is, a 3 is something." "It's a 3." " But a G is nothing." " It could be something else, yes." "So, I understood numbers themselves immediately, but not letters." "When walking down the street, do you go straight or turn?" "No." "You're a cheater!" "I can't tell you anything you don't know!" "And I'm so happy you know." "No one else knows." "I'm a strange creature." "No one understands why I do certain things." "At first," "I'd bump into whatever was to my left." " I've been full of bruises." " Me too, here." " Full of bruises." " Here." "And then to eat, meals became very tough." "I had the plate here, with my cutlery, but if I put the fork down, I couldn't find it after." "So I had to feel around to find the fork again." "If you're at home, it doesn't matter but," "I've stuck my hand into sauces in more than one restaurant." "Looking for the fork, the sauce dish is here, and I dip into it." " So you leave it on this side." " Of course." " Because you can't see it." " You can't see it." "Then they say:" ""You don't eat much. "" "The thing is you don't realize it at that moment." "Later, I don't know why, the plate is in the kitchen, you go into the kitchen for whatever, and there's the food." "And you wonder:" ""Why'd I leave that?"" "You don't understand it, but as you understand nothing, it's just one more thing you don't understand." "When all that happened, you lost your orientation?" "Yes, I didn't even know which was my left or right hand." "Because, since at first I couldn't see either, they had to teach me to identify things by touching." "And I started to learn letters and things because they thought I wouldn't recover." "The only thing I didn't forget was how to swim." " Swim?" " Yes." "I forgot the multiplication table, reading, writing, everything." "When I recovered my eyesight they showed me a paper and I didn't know what it was." "It's the wall that guides me." "How do you know it's a wall?" "I don't know." "The feel of it." "Besides, I know how high it should be." "At first I thought it was lower, but it's higher." "When you say green... you know they're leaves, but can't identify them as such." "If I don't touch them, no." "The trees also guide me." "I know there's 11 trees to the end." "So, if I get lost, I can start here, or touch the trees..." " To know if it's the 5th or 3rd." " How do you know it's the 5th?" "By the feel of the bark." " Each one has a different feel?" " Yes." "Let's touch this one." "Each one has something special." "This one has this." "And the ones further up have green things" " along the tree." " This is the first, then?" "Yes." "This is a tremendous job, and I have a doubt." " Your mother was with you 3 months." " Yes." " You learned the rout in 3 months?" " Yes." " Which is this one?" " The fourth." "What do you feel?" " The texture is different." " It doesn't have those things." "This wasn't here at first, and it confused me totally." "I know I have to cross, and then to the left." "This is the road I have to cross because that's the bakery I have to go by." "So, I cross here to the other side." "I'm guided by the containers, but more by the sign." "At times the containers are not together." "Which sign is it?" "The "Electricidad Valladolid" sign that was..." " There." " There." "Now I know I must go past the bakery and get to a place that was also difficult for me to get to." " How's school going?" " Fine." "He's one of my students." " Students?" " The ones I give summer classes to." "This was very difficult." "Because before knowing I had to be here and come back..." "I know that's the faculty because it's all the same colour." "I cross here." "And, if at any time, I get lost," "I look for the Police Station sign over there." "I don't get mixed up now because there are 2 doors." "So, until..." "I spent a long time touching the waste basket that is just to the left of one of the doors," "I'd go into the Police Station, until the policemen got to know me, and they'd say:" ""No, it's next-door. "" " This is the university's." " Let's see." "Here." " Is this the waste basket?" " Yes." "Now I know I must go... by the other black one." "The university has numbered all the doors." "It's closed." "They've numbered all the classroom doors, because there are 3 floors, and until I got the feel of the handrail," "I can go by the handrail..." "By the handrail I know I'm on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd floor." "To come down as well." "I go by all the written signs they've put up." " They put them up for you?" " Yes." " With numbers?" " Yes." "Do you also distinguish people by touching them?" "Some, yes." "Then there are characteristic things." "For instance, my father." "He used to wear a moustache." "I recognized him by that, cause I know it's on the upper lip and it's black." "But now that he's shaved it off, I recognize him by his blue eyes." "But my mother, who doesn't wear glasses or such, is a bit more difficult." "And my sister, by the colour of her hair." "And others more by their voices and stuff." "SIGHTSEEING BUS" "It's right over there, on the..." "EL PONT DE SUERT." "MARCH, 2006." "On the right side." "It must be here." "It's the first house." "Great." " Municipal Centre..." " Local Centre of Alta Ribagorca." " Of course." " Well, I'll be damned." " Is that it?" " I suppose." " There's a sort of stairs." " Yes." " A round door." " A round door, yes." " Very big, with two sides." " Yes." "Hell!" "Yolanda, you're a marvel, a marvel!" "Come on out, darling." "But what has it become?" "In what I am going to show you." "Come on." "Careful, there's a gate there." "If there is, there must be a pond with carp." "Then the door was round, there was a sort of hall and..." " It is round." " There was a garden." " I don't see it." " No, no." "It was the prettiest garden in the entire area." "The house." "What shape did the house have?" " What was the roof made of?" " Black slate." "I was between six and twelve." " Between 6 and 12." " Yes, we came every summer." "And when you came back?" "Tell me the story." "I was much older then." "I was 25 years old." "I was about to be 25." "But it was no longer the house" "I spent my childhood in." "It was no longer my childhood house." "Things change an awful lot." "How long has it been since you were here last?" "Well, I imagine..." "No, I figure" " 30 years." " 30 years since the last time?" "30 years, yes." "And at what age... did you start to lose your eyesight?" "Around 21." " How long did that process last?" " 4 years." "4 years?" "Did you know it was an irreversible process?" "Or you didn't believe it at the beginning?" "No, but at the end you could see what was going to happen." "And at the end, you thought:" ""This is unavoidable. "" "But, anyway, until the last month or so," "I never though it would end in total blindness." "What did you think?" "I didn't think." "I didn't think." "Well, if you didn't think, let's continue not thinking." "BARCELONA." "SEPTEMBER, 2002." "How long have you been like this?" "Fifteen years." " When did it happen?" " At 25." " Did you have your daughter then?" " No." " Right, you said she's 3 years old." " She's very little." "No." "I was 13 years old when I got meningitis and, due to the meningitis..." "One day I woke up as usual and said:" ""Mom, I have a headache. "" "She said: "You can't skip school for a simple headache. "" "She gave me a pill and I went to school." "But when I got back, my neck was totally rigid and my head was bursting." "My mother took me to a health centre instead of a hospital." "There they said I had a sore throat." "And I had had many sore throats." "I said: "Mom, I don't know what it is, but it's not a sore throat. "" "At that point, mom asked the doctor if it could be meningitis because, at the time, there was a lot of it, and people were getting vaccinated." "The doctor said no, but mom said the symptoms are..." ""No, it's just a sore throat. " He gave me Clamoxyl and sent me home." "That afternoon I couldn't stand it." "I reached 107.6 degrees, and that was... terrible." "So, without waiting for my father to get home from work, she took me straight to the hospital." "At the first puncture they said it was viral meningitis." "I spent a week in Cuenca on Gelocatil, or whatever that was, but I hardly remember now." "I have like a memory gap there," "I don't know what happened." "When I got to Madrid, I went directly to the ICU." "My parents spent 48 hours there without any news." "And when they got it, they said either dead or a vegetable." "When I got out of the hospital I wanted to die." "I thought to myself:" ""If I have to go on living in a wheelchair and blind... "" "When I started to see blurs, they'd take me to the park or they'd come tell me that..." "I'm sorry but, that sounds terrible, it sounds like one of those post-war films about a retarded, paralytic, devastated girl." "Then they'd say "there's a squirrel", or whatever..." " Let's go feed the pigeons..." " Weren't you ashamed?" " I didn't want to go out." " I'm not surprised." "I didn't want to." "Because, if anyone saw me, what was I doing there?" "On the street without seeing or walking?" "What for, to get some fresh air?" " I reasoned it out." " Like a fan." "Right." "Why the street if I can neither see nor walk?" "No, now seriously." "I often laugh about bad news, and people don't like that, and I hope you don't mind." "But at times I burst out laughing about very serious things." "Yes, they say I have a very sarcastic humour but..." "You too?" "But what can I do?" "I can't spend all day..." "What else could I do?" "I say that's what there is," "I must live it out and there's no other choice." "And those first months, that first year was not understanding the world around you." "Neither you understand them, nor do they understand you." "But it's simply because you're not you anymore." "You stayed there, in the operating room, and whoever came out was someone else." "And that someone else doesn't understand anything." "And when she talks to others, they don't understand her because she speaks differently." "And I, who was so happy because: "Wow!" "I'm alive. "" "But it wasn't true." "I had died but didn't know it." "Now is when I start to be alive." "And, of course, I wanted to keep on living like Rosario Villaescusa." "But she had died." "I couldn't do the things she used to do, and didn't know why." "I wore her clothes, used her make-up, tried to drive her car, tried to talk to her friends." "But I found her friends dull." "And her clothing grew big on me." "Rosario's clothing is enormous." "Rosario, it's Esther." "We're past Motilla and are heading towards Albacete." "I just wanted to tell you we'll be in time for lunch." "MURCIA." "SEPTEMBER, 2002." "I am so nervous!" "Okay." " Hi." " Hi." "Give me a little kiss." " How are you?" " Fine." "But this is like a castle of cards." "When I've made a mistake at the very beginning, without realizing it," "I've made another mistake, and then another, to the point that I have no damn idea as to how to get anywhere, or even get back to the starting point for orientation." " You know why that happens?" " Why?" "Because you get nervous." "That happened to me at first." "You start to think:" ""Where am I, where do I have to go?"" ""This is not the way. " That happened to me at first." "The element that differentiates one building from another, one street from another, so as not to make a mistake, that makes me sick." "That is to say, the alert must be continuous." "Yes." "24 hours, 7 days a week." "It's like having your brain in one place, and your eyes in another." "You don't understand what you see." " I do understand things." " And, of course," "I can't seem to get things straight." "Although our pathologies are different, and they originate in different ways, because mine is surgical, hers isn't." "Neither is Joaquin's, but there is a lesion in the same area and the same lesion produces the same effect." "That may be medically interesting, but what is most interesting is" "that the reaction of others, regarding the problem, be the same." "What amuses me the most... is that the 3 of us are absolutely different in age, in sex, in status..." "In profession, in everything." "We have nothing in common." "We'd never have met, never heard speak of anyone, ever." "But as it turns out, we feel the same things, we react the same," "and the same things make us angry and sad." "You can identify yourself with them in a certain way but..." "I think that..." "I'm the one who has less trouble because I know what day this is," " I know the date." " Don't talk about that." "And the most important difference regarding them is that they have more experience in life, and that my parents press me too much and, of course," "I must realize that I have to count on them, and that their situation is different from the one I'm in." "I think this happened to me way too soon and I have not lived many parts of my youth and adolescence due to this problem." "It's made me think differently from any other person of my age, I think." "It cut my life short." "I'd see my friends come and go, do things, going here and there..." "At first the neurologists said no excessive activities because of epilepsy, sleepiness, or whatever, and from that moment on I had to carry my pills always, and the devices for epilepsy and stuff and, well," "my life changed completely." "When I'd got to school, they had to tell me where to sit, tell me what they were copying while the others laughed, but I didn't know what they were doing because..." "I'd say to myself:" ""My God, I can't do this. "" "I had another relapse." "I had one in the hospital." "So they put me in the ICU again, and then they said it was the end." "And they told my father that, as always, they'd grant a last wish to try to stimulate me and see if I'd continue struggling, because my pessimism at that time was total," "they'd ask Fernando Hierro to come because he was my favourite player." "And so they went to request this, but they were told that the only possibility was to talk to the hospital chaplain who had married him, Sanchis, and many other soccer players, and knew them." "So they went to talk to the priest, and he said he'd talk to me." "He asked me:" ""Why Fernando Hierro?" "There are younger players, like Raul. "" "I said: "I don't like him because he's handsome." "I like him because he's the best defender in the world. "" "The priest was surprised with my words and left." "His manager then had cancer, but no one knew about it." "So I think he also felt identified with me and told Fernando:" ""If that girl thinks you're the best person, the best defender in the field, you must be the best person out of it. "" ""So find time to go see her. "" "He at first didn't want to go to the hospital." "But, finally, he went to see me on Good Friday." "He saw me." "I was blind and paralytic." "I didn't see him." "But at least they said:" ""Look, Fernando Hierro!"" "That too sounds like a film." "That day everyone had a laugh at my expense." "They'd knock on the door." ""He's coming!" "That's not true. "" ""Yes, he is coming. " "That's not true. "" "I said: "Cut it out!" "If he shows up I'll... "" "So when he walked in he was surprised, but I noticed." ""Good afternoon, I'm Fernando Ruiz Hierro. "" "I felt totally helpless." ""The dream of my life is here and I can't see him. "" "I cried like a baby." "His manager said:" " "Pinch him"." " I can't believe it." "It's not true." "And his manager said:" ""Pinch him." "He's got good muscles for you to pinch. "" " "No, no, I can't pinch him. " - "Touch him. "" "Touching him I knew it was Hierro, mostly because of his ears." "And he said:" ""Don't think silly things, you're going to get ahead. "" "And I said:" ""Yes, but I can't see you. "" "He said: "Maybe you can't, but I've brought presents. "" "He gave me a poster signed by the Real Madrid team..." "Charming, although you couldn't see it." "But, anyway..." " And he said..." " Out of curiosity." "Now that you can look back at 19, how do you see that?" "In that situation I was like a little kid, like those girls when they see a singer." " Who scream..." " You know what I used to think?" "That they sell you so many clichés that you should say:" ""Don't give me this!" "This is a tremendous cliché!"" "But listen, the priest, the soldier," "Fernando Hierro." "My God!" "Who do you go out with, who do you tell all this to?" " No one." " Fuck!" "To Joaquin and that other woman, when they call." "The support I have with them over the phone is enormous." "One day we were in class and there's a knock on the door." "It was a man I had never seen before in my life." ""Can the waste of society leave the class?"" "I kept on doing my normal thing." "He repeats it and I pay no mind." " It wasn't a joke?" " No." " He was serious?" " Finally he says:" ""Esther Chumillas, leave the class. "" "So, saying Esther Chumillas after what he said before, everyone stared at me, and that was it, day after day." ""Can the waste of society leave the class?"" "I already knew that was me." "He'd take me to his office and say:" ""You're a good-for-nothing, you're useless, and don't tell your parents because they're going through enough." "Let them enjoy your sister because you're just in the way. "" " And I..." " What was this man's problem?" "He was the school psychologist, the guidance counsellor." " Now, thinking back..." " He won his title in a raffle?" "Yes, something of the sort." "Or he found it on the street." "Back then I never told my parents." "I got to believe it." "I thought:" ""I can't tell them." "What if he's right and they are having a hard time because they have a daughter who?"" "That started in the second quarter, and I took it without saying a word until he called my mother." "Let's see, let's see." "I can't see the end of this road, but..." " It may not have one." " What?" "It may not if it reaches the reservoir." " You used to go to the reservoir?" " No." " Where'd you stop?" " At the river." " There's no river here." " Of course not." "But where there's a reservoir there's a river, right?" "Yes, but the river is not nearby." " Life is so complicated." " There is a river." "I see it." "I see the river, yes." " What a relief." " I see the river, the edge of..." "I can hear the river." "I can hear the river." "I can hear it, yes." " You used to go to the river bank?" " Yes, but as I understood it, well, not understand, the river bank was... to my left, and now I hear it to my right." "It is to your right." " Does that say anything to you?" " Not yet." "What tells me..." "See these things that stick to your clothes?" " Yes." " This says a whole lot." "Why did you come here?" "The nicest part of the mountains is that there is nothing to do but not doing anything." "We came to not do anything." "Just to breathe fresh air, kill time and relax, which I imagine was very suitable for me then." " That's why I said..." " You interrupted your..." " Yes." " Vacation because you were not well." "That's why I was saying that..." "There was a lot of cow manure back then, right?" " Because there is now." " Cow manure is typical here." "We're in the right place, there's cow manure." "Okay, we've identified it." "Cow manure." "Here we have a little bridge." "We're 10 metres from it." "Why did you come here?" "That day you felt very ill afterwards?" "You could see it coming." "Perhaps that's the reason, as I told you." "It was here where you realize your world is going to pieces." "And that you have left like very little time to see what you're seeing." "Because..." "I don't know if I'm excessively intuitive." "Actually I'm not at all, but yet I got the feeling this was coming to an end." "Here you have the handrail." "Get closer to it." "A bit more to the centre." " Okay." " You won't throw me in?" "Now is when I push you." "Come over here." "Is this what you had seen?" "No, it's not here, but the situation is similar because it gives you the feeling water, the feeling that there's something enormous." "That there's something beautiful." "I don't know." "Can you see trees, black fir trees?" "No?" "No?" "And... from that moment on things started to get very, very rough." "What happened?" "It was from that moment on that I realized things were getting very bad." "I started to go blind," "I started having a lot of difficulty to see." "Up to then you were getting by okay?" "Yes, and it's one of those things you think:" ""Don't worry." "Everything's fine. "" "But that day I thought:" ""No, no. "" ""This is coming apart." "This is coming to an end. "" ""Make the most of it, look, remember what's there. "" "That's all you have left." "It's odd but, even the memories I've wanted to keep with great affection also disappear." "Thank you, Joaquin." "VALL D'HEBRON HOSPITAL" "BARCELONA." "SEPTEMBER, 2002" "That's what you'd emphasize most, disorientation?" "It's what gives you more trouble?" "In my normal life, yes." "So then, what is defined in your case history as..." " Visual agnosia." " As visual agnosia, aside from the matter of disorientation, do you still have those problems of distinguishing images, objects?" "Figures." "Any problem with numbers?" "None." "7, 12, 82, 400, 1653, 1097." "At first, you had trouble with figures?" " With figures, above all." " You did?" " And now none?" "At all?" " No." "And calculations, mathematical?" "Mentally, it's very hard to do." "Because, if I have to multiply by 2 figures, since I can't imagine the..." "Did you multiply by 2 figures mentally before?" "Yes?" "Heavens!" "What about this?" "This is a V." "Ah, no, this is a radio." "Or something like that." " What do you decide?" " A TV set, because of the V." " The antenna." " The antenna, exactly." "What about this?" "No?" "Tell me what shape it has?" "It's shaped like one of those balloons that are like a circle, but stretched out." "A stretched circle, yes." "That's it." "A loaf of bread." "When I tell you what it is, do you identify it?" " Yes." " Yes, but no." "You're not convinced." "Is it difficult for you to distinguish facial expressions?" "Yes, but much less on paper that in reality." " In reality?" " More." "You can't determine if someone is mad or happy by their expression?" "I do if I know the person." "For example, when my father is mad he moves his cheek here," " And I know..." " But if you don't see it move, you don't know whether he's going to scold you" " or take you to the movies." " No." "Do you know, for example, who this is?" " He's familiar." " He's familiar?" "Ah, yes!" "The other day..." "He was in Cuenca, Julio Iglesias." " He was in Cuenca?" " Yes." "You wish he had gone to Cuenca!" "I think he's more handsome than Julio Iglesias." "Well, you may not know him." "Or even like him." "It's Clint Eastwood." " Don't you know him?" " I don't think so." " Don't you like movies?" " I just can't..." "What is this?" "It's stone." "It's like a Roman thing." "A Roman thing?" "An aqueduct?" "Something big." "Large stones they used to stack up." "Like something in ruins, I don't know." " Columns, or something like that." " No." "It's not a structure." "You who always focuses on the details and not on the whole, what colour is this here?" "Green?" "But this one..." "But it's not very brown." "A tree." "No, it's not brown cause it's not a tree." "What colour is it?" "Half grey, a colour..." " An off-white?" " Yes." "All this is vegetation." "You saw that?" "All green is vegetation." "And here's the sky." " Here's more." " More vegetation." "And in the middle, a large waterfall." "Water, it's cascading water." " It looks more like stone." " Yes?" "A waterfall, a cascade." "Do you see it better or, despite my telling you, you still can't distinguish it?" "Well, up to now..." "Let's summarize." "It's difficult for you to see things globally." " Yes." " What you do is take..." " I capture..." " Details..." " And add them up." " More than details characteristics of the object." "You determine the shape, the surroundings, texture, you imagine its weight, its feel..." "If it's moving or not." "All these characteristics..." " I add them up." " You add them up." "This first one is a bit of what was known in the past century." "Humour was in frontal areas." "They thought struggle and love were in rear areas." "Expressions have a specific area?" "We don't know." "That's neurotransmitters..." "What about attitudes, behaviours?" "In a rather frontal area." "Currently, we know the motor areas are these here." "Sense of touch, and all that." "Vision is in the rear, coordination and balance, at the cerebellum." "Hearing is in the temporal lobe." "Smell and taste, in the front." "This would be the visual lines." "Here is the retina, at the rear of both eyes." "We know that the retina neurons, which are super-specialized, transmit information, and is processed in the occipital lobes." "It's not the eyes that can't see, the transmitter doesn't transmit?" "We see from the rear, not through our eyes." "The eye is nothing but a mirror." "A mirror that reflects." "A camera." "But where is the print made?" "The camera computer is here." "These are the hearing tracts." "Here the ear would be the eyes." "The inner part would be the retina and would send the stimuli to both temporal lobes, which would be the processors." "And this is interesting as well." "Probably, the cortical areas that process hearing differ between sexes." "As it seems, in men, the nuclei is preferentially in the left temporal, and women have it more spread out." "What difference would that make?" "There's a clear difference..." "Like, "you don't listen"?" "I won't get into that!" "But we've seen that more boys have a language disorder as infants." "The reason could be that a slight lesion of the left temporal gives more symptoms in boys." "And these are images obtained by looking voluntarily." "When listening, as I said before, the left temporal is stimulated more than the right." "Thinking." "Frontal stimulation." "Remembering." "The memory is at the lowest part of both temporals." "As you see here." "Memory." "The first affected by Alzheimer's." "And working, motor areas." "At times science contradicts itself." "Do you think the new phases will contradict the current ones?" "I think they will." "Techniques are also limited." "These images you are seeing are of low resolution." "With new technical discoveries, we can know in much more detail." "Here we see red spots but, soon, we may know to which circumvallation they belong." "When saying the brain was hidden, was that a metaphor... or was it because we can't see it?" "When we see it, we'll understand." "Yes, that's probably the most complicated thing we're studying, and will continue studying, and we'll take many years to know more things, and we'll see when we can get to discover the important circuits." " Well." " Let's see." "When I make a mistake, you say: "No, that's not right. "" "Okay." "You'll be the teacher." "Okay?" "Let's go." "This is a one, two, three, five-point star." "This is a half-circumference." "This is a bicycle?" " It has two wheels." " It has two wheels." "It's a pair of glasses." "This?" "This is... a TV set." "This is a sun." "A musical instrument." "This is the mouthpiece, and this, the horn." "It's a... saxophone, I think." "No." "It's a..." "That's it, do it, do it." "Remember how we used to do it?" "This is..." " A trumpet." " A trumpet." "Do you realize that when Joaquin has a problem..." "He concentrates." "And before knowing what it is visually, he's doing things with his hands?" "At times, we start to talk and I realize that, he establishes a conversation and, suddenly, he says:" ""Our friend who..." "our friend in common", because he can't remember her name." "At times first names fail him." "But not..." "And at times he wants to say something, and to say it he beats around the bush with the definition of the word until you say: "This. "" "And he says:" ""Yes, that's it. "" "Well-observed." "She's very observant." "But at times he does it on purpose, to mislead you a bit." "But what I loved the most is that, riding in the car, and Carla opens the door but instead of getting out, he closes the door." "But when he saw us outside, he realized he had to get out." "He looked, opened the door and got out." "His reactions are like contrary to what he wants to do." "That's just to impress." "Well..." " What have we here?" " I have no idea." " This shape here, that goes like this?" " Yes." "What could it be?" " What do you see?" " It's a sock." " Yes." " Thank you." "So what you notice more is the shape of not the instep but the sole, the heel." "A thick woollen sock." " Thick?" " Yes, because..." " The weave seems thick." " I'm not sure right now." " I'm not too sure either." " It's not thin at all." "It is something hand-woven," "I would say." "This is..." " It can be cut." " It can be cut?" " But now you can't." " It's already cut." "Then it could be an orange." " The colour isn't orange." " A lemon." "A lemon." " I can't distinguish colours." " Because it's..." "And this is..." " A bicycle?" " No..." " Does it have wheels?" " It doesn't have wheels." "It has..." "Oh, it's a table lamp." "This is very hard." "This is, well..." " Oh, it's a clock." " It has numbers..." " A clock." " And two lines." "And two lines, the hands of the clock." "Oh, my God!" "This is... well, it's a girl who is singing." " Not singing." " Not singing?" "No, her mouth is closed." "No, she's dancing." "She has nothing in her hands." "She's dancing." "She is dancing." "And this is a nut?" "No, what shape do nuts have?" " It's a piece of cheese." " No." "Of course not." "I said a Dutch cheese because this is red and this yellow, and the holes here." " Oh, it's a watermelon!" " Yes." "Normally, cheese is round." " And it has no holes." " Half a nut." " The test is for her?" " Yes." " How are you?" " Fine." "This is the doctor." "You sit here, and a male nurse will apply a catheter with a serum." "This serum contains the tracer that goes to the brain, indicating your blood circulation to each cerebral zones." "Then you can have breakfast, and we'll take the pictures." "The pictures will take half an hour." "Okay?" " I spoke of you the other day." " With who?" "Well, in class..." " In my class." " Oh, it was in class." " You told me over the phone." " I talked about you and they asked:" ""How can he give classes?" "He can give classes. "" "You should have said:" ""Aren't I giving a class now?"" "They said: "How can he if he can hardly read and write?"" " "But he can give classes. "" " I can write, but reading is tough." "But they're linked." "If you can't read what you write..." " But I can write." " They were shocked." "And there's what Rosario has, that you can see only half." "I'm studying that now." "From talking to the neurologists, that is due to the connection she has to make in... the chiasm." "I mean, she gets information through both eyes, but when they cross in the chiasm, it doesn't gather it together as it should." "So, seeing through both eyes, only one transmits information." " She analyzes the information of one." " Exactly." "You're talking about perception area, not eyes." "Sure, area 18." "Area 18?" "You're very smart." " What about the 17 th?" " They're related." "In the 39th, which is... what I am now developing, more or less," "I think that's your damaged area for reading and writing." " Is it area 39?" " Dejerine." "Explain that to me." "The damaged area is called the Dejerine area?" "Dejerine, I don't know how to pronounce it." "Spell it to me." "D" " E-J-E-R-I-N-E." " Dejerine." " It must be a French name." " Dejerine must be Italian." " I don't know." "I think it's pronounced the same." "And this is the area that recognizes letters." "And associates the phonemes..." " No, the graphemes." " The graphemes to your eyesight." "So, I'm a Dejerine patient?" "I'll have to pray to Saint Dejerine." " And the 18th is perception." " What does that control?" "Visual perception." "We both have it damaged." "The 18th area." " The 17 th and 18th." " How are they called?" " They have no name." " No?" "Well, call them "Esther"." "Now make a fist." "Very good." "Okay, Dr. Dejerine, keep on telling me what you know." "What do you want to know?" "I also met a man who has agnosia..." " but it's tactile." " Tactile." " Contrary to what you have." " Sure." "There's also auditory agnosia." "That's another possible combination." "You have one thing and get another." " Where'd you find him?" " Who?" "This man you met." "You shouldn't talk now." " You shouldn't talk now." " We shouldn't?" "Then we'll be quiet." "MAY, 2003." " Elvira and Esther." " Hi." "You know who?" "Yes, you spoke to me about her." " Yes." " Well, what do we do now?" "Get to know each other." " That's fine." " We get to know each other." " I have epilepsy too." " Terrible." "This depresses you much more than the illness, because you overcome the illness in one way or another, and perhaps I'm less..." " But epilepsy!" " I'm the other way around." "Esther has attacks at times with a certain frequency, she's even had several a day." " Hell!" " I have a device implanted here." " Show her what you have there." " Yes." "This gives me a stimulation every 5 minutes." "It absorbs electricity." "An epileptic seizure is a discharge due to electricity, and then, what it does is absorb more... the zone..." "What part do you have damaged?" "I guess it's about here because, according to the doctor, although he didn't finish the examination..." " It can be..." " Occipital." "Yes, occipital." "And I take Depakine..." " I can't remember the names." " Neurotin." " Topamaz." " No, no." "What was that other one?" " I take Neurontin." " Neurontin?" "Misodine..." "How many more?" "Wow, you're an expert in medicine!" "I had meningitis and..." "I didn't have meningitis." " I had encephalitis." " I had meningitis." "And since they didn't catch it in time, I became meningoencephalitis, herpetic tuberculosis, everything." "And the damage I have is due to the herpes of the encephalitis." "This part is numb because of a herpes." "That's horrible." " And you can see how she is?" " Yes." " That's what you can expect." " Sure." " You have to be brave." " You have to go on." "Before, when you started to talk, you were about to cry." " Yes." " And now you're about to do it again." " Yes." " Okay." " That's not right nor wrong." " That's normal." "But what I want to tell you is to think that with practice, with Nuria Torrades, as you said before, in time, day after day, week after week, you'll realize you are getting ahead." " I'll improve." " Ahead." "I have the feeling that many things cannot be recovered." "No." "Keep in mind that you will not be as you were before." "As I was before is impossible." " But..." " Hold it, hold it." " But that's impossible right now." " Esther was studying, and stopped a few months." "Now she's studying again and is about to graduate." "I used to make films." "I stopped, but now I'm making them again, like now." "It's all a matter of time and not getting scared." "You see, this happened to me when I was 13." "I got to school and didn't even know the multiplication table." "To me that was..." "What I didn't forget was how to swim." "But I lost everything else." "If I would have gotten there and done nothing... but if you keep going and say to yourself:" ""I have a goal, I'll do this. "" "I was told not to study." "What happened to me is like a little disaster." "It's as if someone had wiped the slate clean." " But there's nothing left." " Yes there is." " What did I say before?" " Esther is incredible." " What did I say before?" " She never wears out." "I told you I didn't remember the multiplication table." "I didn't know what that was." "No." "I got there and thought: "What am I going to do now, I know nothing. "" "No. "I'll just have to learn. "" " Yes, but..." " "Yes, but", no!" "Yes, but do things over and over again..." " Until they work out." " "Till they work out", of course." "Now I'm thinking..." "I don't know if the water still reflects sunlight." "You see?" "It's a shame to have lost that." "You don't miss Boticellis very much, but the reflection of water from rivers and the sea, that you do miss." "You don't miss anything." "Well, that's what there is." "I think she has trouble with orientation as well." "We'll have a look." " What?" " I told you!" "When you see her you'll realize what's going on." " Hello." " Well." "Let me introduce you to Esther." "Hi." "Hello, dear." "Paquita." "I thought you weren't coming." "Well, we're here." "Was there a lot of traffic?" "No, I got lost." "Esther doesn't speak Catalan." "I don't speak Spanish very well." "I have an accent." "I'm very Catalonian." "Okay, come on in." "She is who most knows about alexia, agnosia..." " Really?" " More than anyone." "You can ask whatever you want." " Whatever you want." " How long have you had this?" " 6 years." " That's a long time." "Me, less." "But what was the root, the cause of it?" "Well, one day I didn't feel too well." "A client came in and I started to read something and thought to myself:" ""My tongue", how do you say that?" "Tongue-tied." "We went to the doctor." "I had had a stroke." "The first effects were very slight." "But 3 or 4 days later they got worse." "And that affected me." "What happened was that I realized that when I looked at letters," "I'd get the impression that they were Chinese letters." "The impression they were those letters the Chinese write." "I got that impression." "Exactly." "And, well, you feel so helpless." "So your problem is alexia only." "Yes, it's a problem with reading." "But at times I feel some odd things, you know, but less now." "Shall we accept her, or not?" "She has nothing." " "She has nothing", please!" " Yes she does." " She has very little." " Please!" " No, yes." " Please." "For example, sitting there..." " Can you see my right ear?" " Of, course, it's perfect." " Point it out." " That one." "I see you have no trouble with space, none." "Well, not "none"." "I have a few, and more so when I'm nervous." "Now I'd like to see your material and stuff." "I'll show you everything." "I work with people who..." "Right now with... 1, 2, 3, 4..." "Alexia is the most common." "What I've seen most is alexia." "Like in my case, with just agnosia and no other problem, there is no other case." " Like me, there is none." " None?" "Dr. Chumillas." " All she has is alexia." " What?" "She has alexia." "And I'm sure the figure- background discrimination on recycled paper, if the print isn't black, she can't distinguish it." "I started by having to read larger letters." "Make it a bit more difficult for her, Dr. Chumillas." "I don't know." "Here?" "Okay." ""Now... with... with... with 40... with 40 years of age..." "I still..." "I still remember... "" "What?" "I read too slowly?" " Now we'll see." " 48 letters a minute, 10 words..." "In 30 seconds." "Is that very little?" "It is now." "You have trouble with making pauses but you don't get stuck on syllables or things like that." "That's what I'm checking." "I'll give you one of my tests." "Okay, when I tell you, write down what I say." "I breathe... the mild aroma... of the flowers." "I can see your letters are perfect." "I told you," "I have no trouble with writing." "None, and I never have had." "But I've been checking and you do have..." "Although, at certain moments, you surpass lateralization, you use your other hand to hold the paper down." "Your writing is like..." "You don't move, and when you started to read, I noticed the same thing." "I don't check to see if you write well or not." "That doesn't matter." "What's important is how you hold the pencil, the position of your hand, how you sit." "At first sight, you go over the whole sentence." "But, as I can't see through this eye, I have to go like this." "If not..." "Me too." "This one is..." "I've seen your field of vision, and it's pretty good." "Mine is much smaller." " So, how am I?" " This is fine, perfect." " Perfect?" " Your writing is great." "It is, isn't it?" "It's contrary to me." "Not like Joaquin, who has a mixture of both." "I have pure agnosia, without any other disorder, and she has pure alexia, the first case I've found who has no problem memorizing." "It's simply a matter of decodification." "Just like me, she decodes letters and I must decode images." "But there is no other problem with loss in time, for example." "No, it's just that." " She knows more than anyone." " So I see, so I see." "So I see." "I see it in how she expresses herself." "Please, forgive me, I'm thinking in Catalan and it slips my tongue." "You express yourself like that because you've lived this a lot?" " No, and..." " She's studying." " Besides reading, I'm studying it." " You're studying medicine?" "No, not medicine, I'm studying special education." "ENTRANCE EXAM" "FOR THERAPEUTIC EDUCATION" "ALBACETE." "JUNE, 2005" "Please." "Number one, please." "External students, please come in." "Please, only handicapped students." "Eloisa first, please." "She must be accompanied individually." "Very good." "Handicapped students." "Fernandez Fernandez, Sarah." "We're beginning the shift of the handicapped." "Galindo Garcia, Ana." "Tejas Molina, Maria." " Chumillas Moreno, Esther." " Good luck!" "Corcuera Gonzalez, Eduardo Vicente." "Corral Moraga, Angel." "But, the last class I gave..." "We never know when something is the last thing we do for something." "The last class I gave, my students, with whom I'm always close and tactful, asked me after class:" ""Are you really leaving?"" ""You're leaving for 3 weeks?" "Why?"" "And I said: "They've found a screw I'm missing, and they'll put it back in place. "" "They laughed, and so did I." "And I left." "Last year, when I saw I couldn't work," "I thought: "Well... "" ""I can't do that yet. "" "Because even when I read things, trying to start over, trying to find a new point of departure," "I read my paper and it was fantastic." "I loved it." "It is very well done." "It is surprising." "But I didn't recognize it." "All that, written by me, but I didn't recognize it." "And when these things happen, you get scared." "It's very traumatic." "It's perhaps the worst because, with all this..." "I knew no fear." "I didn't have the slightest idea." "I've never been easily frightened." "I never thought I'd be mugged in the subway." "I've never wondered what a certain noise was." "When friends of mine would say:" ""I get home alone at night." "What if someone shows up?"" "But, who could show up?" "How silly." "I didn't frighten easily." "And, of course, between not being afraid of little things and feeling fear, I mean real fear," "I didn't know what that was." "That's odd, because just the opposite happened to me." "What I've lost is the feeling of fear." "I've lost it." "But, of course, it's not related to the same thing." "I've discovered myself as fragile and vulnerable, of which I was not at all aware." "Above all concerning vulnerability." "At all." "And when I became aware of that vulnerability," "I felt fear." "But that is a discovery that you must appreciate." " Yes, a lot." " Because, of course, we're vulnerable." " Not me." " It's clear that we're vulnerable." "On the other hand, what I lost was not fear of being vulnerable." "I lost the fear of dying, which is much more..." " Much more." "A tremendous gap." " Severe." " You lose it all together." " When you lose the fear of dying, all other fears are ancillary to that particular fear." "Okay, that's it!" "How did it go?" "Fine." "The subject matter was a piece of cake." "Really?" "What was it on?" " It was on the motor area." " Congratulations." "One was mental," " and the other was the motor area." " Congratulations." "But I took the educational replies of the motor area." " Are you tired?" " I'm exhausted." "Between the morning and the afternoon, almost 40 pages?" "Almost, yes." "I'm number 17." "Of these, how many remain, how many pass?" " I don't know." " You don't?" "There's no figure?" " No." " How many vacancies are there?" " Ten." " Ten!" "I had time to go over the exam again." "For example, to change words I had repeated, change them for synonyms, and stuff like that..." "Very nice." "CUENCA." "FEBRUARY, 2006." "It smells of paint." "What a large dining room!" "This will be my studio." " That bed will disappear." " Yes, and the books will go here." "Since this wardrobe is here," "I'll use the shelves for my books." "This is the double room." " This one will be yours, right?" " Yes." "It's the largest wardrobe in the place." "And the other room." "No, not this one." "I missed the green one." "The green room is..." " The green one's not here." " What are you looking for?" " The other room." " The other room?" "Was it that way?" "Here, this is the one." "But it's not green." "I know it's not!" "It still has to be painted." "Now everything is just piled up in here." "When do you think you'll be fully settled in here?" "I don't know, but I'd like to move in right away." "I want to move in sometime in March, or around there." " What do you think, Yolanda?" " This is the place." " It is?" " Yes." "Remember I said" "I used to hear the birds to my right?" " Shall we walk over?" " Yes." "We'll have to find the path leading down to the river." "Let's find it." "Let's find it." "Let's get away from the cows." "The point of reference would be an enormous rock." "Let's see if it appears anywhere." " Is it very near the water?" " Yes." "There are several." "There is a cluster of rocks." "Then the water splashes a bit and flows beneath them." "Could that be it?" "I remember many little waterfalls." "Yes, then this is the area." "Sit right there." "Relax and talk to me." "Tell me." "The feeling that I get is as if I were almost in the water." "Exactly." "As if you were where Mandi is right now." "Mandi is splashing in the water and about to slide off a rock," " In your place." " Good." "Very good, Mandi." "Mandi is in your place now." "She's splashing around." "She's very close to a tilted rock." " It goes a bit like this?" " It's..." "Look." "Give me your hand." "Your palm." "It's like this." "This part, the widest part..." " This part here," " Yes." "Is facing the water." "I may have very possibly been on that rock." "I would imagine I was in a terrible state because a 25-year old girl who goes on vacation with mom and dad, it had to be a time in which..." "I didn't feel too well." " Did you have a boyfriend then?" " No." " No?" " No." "Were you in your alcoholic phase?" " No, I wasn't either." " No." "It was a moment in which everything became very uncertain, very tough, it was a feeling like" "all that was coming to an end." "Perhaps it was then when I felt this would happen." "And thinking back, that makes me a bit uneasy because I discovered a very intuitive person and had the feeling" "that this was coming to an end, and that I should make the most of all this, thinking:" ""Do it now, look around you because this is coming to an end." "Yolanda, the world is coming to an end!"" " And I really..." " What did you see up front?" "In front there's a very tall mountain." "There are black pine trees at the top." "It is a very steep mountain." "Then there's the river, which isn't very wide." "It's not too deep." "If you're patient enough to watch the river a long time you can see trout jump up once in a while." "Besides, it is one of those views you have to see facing it." "I don't know." "Up to a point, I feel a bit... foolish, sharing something that," "I don't know, up to a point it's very intimate and" "I'm ashamed of everyone finding out." "You must think I'm a fool." "Are you comfortable, or are you still insecure and uncomfortable?" "No, perhaps because... telling it here, very casually and very..." "How can I put it?" "In a very casual way and... giving it the importance it deserves." "Perhaps you've given it an importance I never gave it before." "It's a detail that perhaps..." "That's why I'm ashamed to make it public, because it's a bit, it's too intimate and too silly to share with someone." "Intimacy is usually silly." "Or not." "No, I don't know." "I don't know." "Any further thoughts?" "Are you inviting me to be a philosopher?" " Well, just a bit." " No." "No, it's not my style." "I don't know." "This stream is very, very... it helps a lot to clear your mind." "Mandi." "Well, what?" "Give her another kiss and we're finished." "Go on." "She got into the water..." "She got into the water, the rascal." "You rascal." "The modular bookcase goes here." "Here, the mini-bar." " Here." " The mini-bar there." "Here, a half wall, to about this height, this wide, for an aquarium." " Right here." " How long will that take you?" "Well, about 2 or 3 months." " 2 or 3." " 2 or 3 months." "Here, some weird torches, and a fountain..." "Oh, I saw the torches." "So they go here?" "I thought they were for outside." "They'll have lights simulating the flame." " You don't light them, then?" " You can, but we won't." " I'm installing bulbs." " You'll put them here?" "Yes, crossed." "Here we'll have a sort of fountain made of resin, with water flowing and such." " Swell!" " At the entrance." " You'll buy that?" " No, my father gives it to me." "We'll see how I make the half wall." "With Pladur or Poliexpan, or something similar." " And a picture of the Hanging Houses." " That may go over there." "David, in two months you'll be living with Esther?" " Yes, approximately." " When did you meet her?" "Well, in the summer of 2003, physically, but before, in 2001, we met over the Internet." " How long did that phase last?" " It lasted approximately 9 or 10 months." " Without meeting?" " Without meeting." " And then you met." " Exactly, when..." " In Almeria?" " In Almeria." " What year was that?" " In 2003." "She went to Cuenca, I went to Seville." "I thought it over, got some resources to come here and I stayed." "A new experience." "My life changed completely." "Well, now that we're on screen, give her a kiss." "Kiss her in front of the camera." "Don't do this to me." "Go on, kiss her, kiss her." "Well, what are you waiting for?" " Must I get up?" " Yes, go on, go on." "Don't keep your distance." "Don't keep your distance." "Go on." "Well, okay." "This makes me laugh." "A bit cold, but..." " We have 3-year olds." " And up to..." " Up to 11." " We get different groups." "What is the degree of their disorder?" "Hypoacusic, cerebral paralysis, all sorts." "Psychic, motoric, quite a diversity." "What difficulties has Esther had?" "Difficulty to get oriented here." "That was her only difficulty." "The others..." "And as a companion, extraordinary." " She works hard." " Both on a work as well as a comprehension level?" "If she doesn't say what's wrong with her in public, we'd have taken long to find out what was wrong." "If she doesn't say anything, of course." "Here we have pictures to see if he recognizes them." "Does he recognize you?" " Will you get him to talk?" " Now he at least babbles, and accepts physical human contact." "You couldn't touch him at first." "He likes music." " When there's music, he dances." " Really?" "Music is the only thing he reacts to." "Look at Jesus' nose." "Look, look." "You see?" "Come on." "Look." "You see?" "Jesus." "Now he wants you to hold him." "Hello!" "He does that with music only." " He sways in rhythm." " When he hears music." "Give it to me." "Come, give it to me." "Here, here." "Jesus, here." "Here." "Give it to her." "Jesus, here." "Give it to her." " Thank you very much." " Very good!" "Not now." "Hey!" "He hears music again." "Watch it, I don't trust you." "No." "No, no, no, no!" "What's the matter?" "We have various cases of autism here." "Can it be cured?" "Give me five!" "No!" "Look." "Jesus."