"[ Introduction to "Overture/ And AII That Jazz" plays ]" "[ electricity crackIes ]" "5, 6, 7, 8..." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "Anybody seen the kelly Sisters?" "You ." "You're up in five." "Keep the change, charlie." "Thanks." "VeIma, where you been?" "And where's Veronica?" "She's not herself tonight." "But they paid to see a sister act!" "Don't sweat it." "I can do it alone." "Shit!" "Come on , VeIma." "Move it, move it!" "Hurry up!" "You're killing me, here!" "Ladies and gentlemen ..." "the Onyx club is proud to present" "Chicago's hottest dancing duo." "Two jazz babes moving as one." "The kelly Sisters." "[ applause ]" "* Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town *" "* And all that jazz?" "* * l'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Start the car, I know a whoopee spot *" "* Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot * * lt's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl *" "* And all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "* Skiddoo *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Hotcha *" "* Whoopee *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes *" "* And all that jazz * * l hear that Father Dip is gonna blow the blues *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Hold on, hon, we're gonna bunny hug * * l bought some aspirin down at United Drug * * ln case you shake apart and want a brand-new start *" "* To do *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "Let's go, babe." "But I didn't even meet your friend ." "That manager guy." "Don't worry, Roxie." "It's all taken care of." "You told him about me?" "Yeah , kid , it's all arranged ." "* Find a flask, we're playing fast and loose *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Right up here is where l store the juice *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky * * l betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high *" "* 'Cause in the stratosphere, how could he lend an ear *" "* To all *" "* That *" "* Jazz?" "*" "* Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy-shake *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Oh, she's gonna shimmy till her garters break *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Show her where to park her girdle *" "* Oh, her mother's blood will curdle * * lf she'd hear her baby's queer *" "* For all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "hello, Miss Borusewicz." "Mrs. Hart." "This is Fred ." "He's my brother." "* All *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "* Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town *" "* And all that jazz?" "*" "* And all that jazz * * l'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down *" "* And all that jazz *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Start the car, I know a whoopee spot *" "* Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot * * lt's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl *" "* And all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "RO XIE :" "Say it again , Fred ." "Oh , you're a star, kid ." "My little shooting' star." "* No, I'm no one's wife *" "* But, oh, I love my life *" "* And all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "* That jazz *" "Oh , say it again , Fred ." "Where's the fire, huh?" "Amos ain't home till midnight." "Hey, I don't want you to feel like I'm nagging at you , but don't you think it's time" "I met your friend down at the Onyx?" "It's been a month since you told him about me." "And I know 'cause that was the night" "VeIma kelly plugged her husband and her sister." "You know they say that she found 'em in the kip together?" "Gosh , if I ever found Amos slipping it to somebody else..." "I'd throw him a great big going-away party." "It's getting late." "I have been thinking a Iot about my act." "Whenever I get a good idea I write it in my diary." "It occurred to me the other day that all the really, really knockout acts have something a little different going on ." "Like a signature bit." "And I thought that my thing could be aloof, you know?" "Give 'em just enough to get 'em good and hungry, but always leave 'em wanting' more." "Hey, once I get a name for myself, maybe we could open up a club of our own ." "You could run it, and I couId be the headliner." "What's the idea?" "Wake up, kiddo." "You ain't never gonna have an act." "Says who?" "Face it." "You're a two-bit talent with skinny legs." "I'm just a furniture salesman ." "Yeah , but you got connections." "That guy at the club." "There is no guy." "That night..." "It was the first time I set foot in that joint." "I was collecting on a bet from the trombone player." "So you never told anyone about me?" "Sugar, you were hot stuff." "I would have said anything to get a piece of that." "And now?" "Now?" "We had some laughs." "Let's just leave it at that." "You can't do this to me." "would you get off?" "You touch me again , I'II put your lights out!" "Wait." "Your husband will be home soon ." "Wash yourself before hitting those sheets again ." "You're a liar, Fred ." "Yeah , yeah , so what?" "You lied to me." "That's life, sweetheart." "That's life." "You son of a bitch !" "You son of a bitch !" "You're a son of a bitch !" "* Hotcha *" "* Whoopee *" "Why you bothering , sal?" "This one's all wrapped up." "It's a new city record ." "From kiIIin' to confession in an hour flat." "SGT." "FOGARTY:" "Where did you get the murder weapon?" "AMOS :" "I keep a gun in the underwear drawer." "Just in case of trouble." "That's just fine." "Sign right there, Mr. Hart." "freely and gladly." "Don't say we beat it out of you when you get on the stand ." "No, I gave myself up." "Surrendered of my own free will ." "Isn't he the cheerful murderer?" "RO XIE :" "Shootin' a burglar ain't murder." "Just last week, a jury thanked a man ." "I'm grateful for citizens who know the Iaw." "Get in there." "You too." "Sit down ." "Okay." "From the top." "A man's got a right to protect his home and loved ones, right?" "Of course he has." "I come home from the garage, and I see him climbing through the window with my wife, Roxie, laying there, sleeping like an angel ." "That true, Mrs. Hart?" "It's the God's honest truth ." "My wife had nothing to do with it." "She wouldn't hurt a worm , not even a worm ." "It wasn't till I fired the first shot she even opened her eyes." "I always said she could sleep through the St. Paddy's Day Parade." "When I think of what would have happened if I went out for a beer instead of coming home." "It makes you sick even thinking about it." "BANDLEADER:" "For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would Iike to sing a song of love and devotion dedicated to her dear husband , Amos." "* Sometimes I'm right *" "* Sometimes I'm wrong *" "* But he doesn't care *" "* He'll string along *" "* He loves me so *" "* That funny honey of mine *" "* Sometimes I'm down *" "* Sometimes I'm up *" "* But he follows round *" "* Like some droopy-eyed pup *" "* He loves me so *" "* That funny honey of mine *" "After I shot him , he kept coming at me, so I had to pull the trigger again ." "* He ain't no sheik *" "* That's no great physique *" "* And Lord knows he ain't got the smarts *" "* But look at that soul * * l tell you, that whole * * ls a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts *" "* And if you knew him like me * * l know you'd agree *" "* What if the world slandered my name?" "*" "* Why, he'd be right there taking the blame *" "* He loves me so *" "* And it all suits me fine *" "* That funny, sunny honey *" "* Hubby of mine *" "Supposing , just supposing , he had violated her." "You know what I mean?" "I know what you mean ." "Think how terrible that would have been ." "It's a good thing I got home from work on time." "* He loves me so *" "* That funny honey of mine *" "Name of deceased , Fred CaseIy." "Fred CaseIy?" "How could he be a burglar?" "My wife knows him ." "He sold us our furniture." "He gave us 1 0% off." "* Lord knows he ain't got the smarts *" "You told me he was a burglar." "He was dead when you got home?" "She had him covered in a sheet, and she's telling me some cock-and-buII story and how I ought to say I did it 'cause I was sure to get off." ""help me, Amos," she says." ""It's my goddamn hour of need ."" "* Now he shot off his trap * * l can't stand that sap *" " * Look at him go *" "And I believed her." " * Rattin' on me *" "That cheap little tramp." "She was two-timing me, huh?" "I'm through protecting her now." "She can swing for all I care." "I'm down at the garage working 1 4 hours a day, and she's up here munching on bonbons and tramping around like some goddamn fIoozy!" "Thought she could pull the wool over my eyes." " * That scummy, crummy *" "well , I wasn't born yesterday." " * Dummy *" "Some things a man can't take." " * Hubby of mine *" "She pushed me too far." "That little chiseIer." "Boy, what a sap I was!" "You doubIe-crosser!" "You big bIabbermouth !" "You promised you'd stick." "You been stringing' me, Roxanne!" "You told me he was a burglar!" "The whole time, you been up here jazzin' him ." "You are a disloyal husband !" "Look, it's true." "I shot him ." "But it was seIf-defense." "He was trying to burgle me." "From what I hear, he's been burgIing you three times a week for the Iast month ." "So what do you say, Missus?" "That's him , all right." "Thank you ." "Your story doesn't wash , Mrs. Hart..." "so try this on for size." "Fred CaseIy was a good time on the side with Goofy here as a meal ticket." "meal ticket?" "He couldn't buy my liquor." "Fred CaseIy could?" "With a wife and five little CaseIys?" "Or did he forget to mention them?" "What?" "AII his." "Oh , that bastard ." "That bastard !" "Yeah , I killed him ." "I would kill him again ." "Once was enough , dearie." "Take her downtown ." "Come on !" "This is it. 264 1 /2 ." "Here they come." "This way, honey." "It's a shame to hide such a beautiful face." "Why'd you shoot him?" "Give us a profile with a smile" "like the girl from the toothpaste ad ." "Enjoy it while you can ." "Take this down ." "Assistant District Attorney Harrison says this is a hanging case." "I'm ready to go to the jury tomorrow." "What do you mean , hanging?" "Not so tough anymore, are you?" "Take her down to the Cook County jail ." "We need a headline." "Why'd you shoot him?" "Was he cruel?" "Did he beat you?" "Hey, what do you mean , hanging?" "Morphine, opium , cocaine?" "Arm length . 3 1 inches." "Arm length . 3 1 inches." "Height. 66 inches." "The Matron's on her way, so don't get too cozy." "Put out that cigarette!" "Ever had Morton before?" "She's fine." "Long as you keep her happy." "[ drumroll ]" "And now, ladies and gentlemen ..." "the Keeper of the Keys, the Countess of the clink..." "the Mistress of Murderess Row..." "Matron Mama Morton !" "* Ask any of the chickies in my pen *" "* They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen * * l love them all, and all of them love me *" "* Because the system works, the system called *" "* Reciprocity *" "On your feet." "welcome, ladies." "* Got a little motto *" "* Always sees me through *" "* When you're good to Mama *" "* Mama's good to you *" "You might think I'm here to make your life a living hell , but it's just not true." "* There's a lot of favors * * l'm prepared to do *" "* You do one for Mama *" "* She'll do one for you *" "I'd Iike to be your friend , if you let me." "So if there's something that upsets you or makes you unhappy in any way..." "don't shoot your fat-ass mouth off to me 'cause I don't give a shit." "* They say that life is tit for tat *" "* And that's the way I live *" "* So I deserve a lot of tat *" "* For what I've got to give *" "* Don't you know that this hand *" "* Washes that one, too?" "*" "* When you're good to Mama *" "* Mama's good to you *" "Let's go." "You must be Hart." "Ain't you the pretty one." "Thank you , ma'am ." "Oh , no, call me Mama." "I'm here to take care of you ." "You'II be habitatin' down in the east block." "Murderess Row, we call it." "Is that nicer?" "I don't think I belong in here." "I didn't actually do anything wrong ." "No need to tell me." "I never heard of a man getting killed when he didn't get just what was coming to him ." "Hey, Mama!" "Come here." "Come here." "VeIma kelly." "You're the VeIma kelly." "I was there the night that you got arrested ." "Yeah ." "You and half of Chicago." "Look at this, Mama." "An editorial denouncing me in "Redbook" magazine." ""Not in memory do we recall so fiendish and horrible a double homicide."" "You couldn't buy that kind of publicity." "CouIdn't buy it?" "I guess I can keep this, then ." "Nice try." "* lf you want my gravy *" "* Pepper my ragout *" "* Spice it up for Mama *" "* She'll get hot for you *" "* When they pass that basket folks contribute to *" "* You put in for Mama *" "* She'll put out for you *" "* The folks atop the ladder *" "* Are the ones the world adores *" "* So boost me up my ladder, kid *" "* And I'll boost you up yours *" "* Let's all stroke together *" "* Like the Princeton crew *" "* When you're stroking' Mama *" "* Mama's stroking' you *" "* So what's the one conclusion I can bring this number to?" "*" "* When you're good to Mama *" "* Mama's good *" "* To you *" "Ah , yes!" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "RO XIE :" "Mama?" "It's kind of freezing in here." "You don't think there's something wrong with the heat?" "Not that I'm complaining , mind you , but..." "if you got a couple extra blankets tucked away " "Lights out, ladies." "Okay." "Okay." "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz *" "And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County jail in their rendition of the "cell block Tango."" "* Lipschitz *" "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz *" "* Pop *" "* Six *" "* Squish *" "* Cicero *" "* Lipschitz *" " * Pop * - * Six *" "* Squish *" " * Cicero * - * Lipschitz *" " * Pop * - * Six *" "* Squish *" " * Cicero * - * Lipschitz *" "* He had it coming *" "* He had it coming *" "* He only had himself to blame * * lf you'd have been there * * lf you'd have seen it * * l betcha you would have done the same *" " * Pop * - * Six *" "* Squish *" " * Cicero * - * Lipschitz *" " * Pop * - * Six *" "* Squish *" " * Cicero * - * Lipschitz *" "You know how people have these little habits that get you down?" "Like Bernie." "Bernie liked to chew gum ." "No, not chew." "Pop." "So I came home this one day, and I'm really irritated ..." "and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy." "There's Bernie lyin' on the couch ..." "drinking' a beer and chewing' ." "No, not chewing' ." "Poppin' !" "So I said to him , "You pop that gum one more time... "" "And he did ." "So I took the shotgun off the wall ..." "and I fired two warning shots into his head ." "* He had it coming *" "* He had it coming *" "* He only had himself to blame * * lf you'd have been there * * lf you'd have heard it * * l betcha you would have done the same *" "I met EzekiaI Young from salt Lake City about two years ago, and he told me he was single, and we hit it off right away." "So we started living together." "He'd go to work." "He'd come home." "I'd fix him a drink." "We'd have dinner." "And then I found out." "single, he told me?" "single, my ass." "Not only was he married ..." "Oh , no..." "He had six wives." "One of those Mormons." "So that night when he came home from work..." "I fixed him his drink, as usual ." "You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic." " * He had it coming * - * Pop, six, squish *" " * He had it coming * - * Cicero, Lipschitz *" "* He took a flower in its prime *" " * And then he used it * - * Pop *" " * And he abused it * - * Six * * lt was a murder, but not a crime *" "* Cicero, Lipschitz *" "Now, I'm standing in the kitchen carving up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business." "In storms my husband , wilbur, in a jealous rage." ""You been screwin' the milkman ," he says." "He was crazy, and he kept on screaming' ," ""You been screwin' the milkman !"" "And then he ran into my knife." "He ran into my knife 1 0 times." "* lf you'd have been there * * lf you'd have seen it * * l betcha you would have done the same *" "[ Speaking Hungarian ]" "Yeah , but did you do it?" "Not guilty." "My sister, Veronica, and I had this double act." "And my husband , charlie, traveled around with us." "Now, for the Iast number in our act..." "we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row." "One, two, three, four, five..." "splits, spread eagles, backfIips, fIip-fIops." "One right after the other." "One night before the show, we're down at the hotel Cicero." "The three of us boozin' and havin' a few laughs." "We run out of ice, so I go out to get some." "I come back, open the door..." "and there's Veronica and charlie doing number 1 7." "The spread eagle." "well , I was in such a state of shock..." "I completely blacked out." "I can't remember a thing ." "It wasn't until later when I was washing the blood off my hands" "I even knew they were dead ." " * They had it coming * - * They had it coming *" " * They had it coming * - * They had it coming *" "* They had it coming all along *" " * l didn't do it * - * She didn't do it *" " * But if I'd done it * - * But if she'd done it *" "* How could you tell me that I was wrong?" "*" " * They had it coming * - * They had it coming *" " * They had it coming * - * They had it coming *" "* They had it coming all along * * l didn't do it *" "* But if I'd done it *" "* How could you tell me that I was wrong?" "*" "I Ioved AI Lipschitz more than I couId possibly say." "He was a real artistic guy." "Sensitive." "A painter." "[ whistle blows ]" "But he was always trying to find himself." "He'd go out every night looking for himself, and on the way..." "he found Ruth , GIadys, Rosemary, and Irving ." "You could say we broke up because of artistic differences." "He saw himself as alive..." "and I saw him dead ." "* The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum *" "* The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum *" " * They had it coming * - * They had it coming *" " * They had it coming * - * They had it coming *" "* They had it coming all along *" " * And if they used us * - * And if they used us *" " * Then they abused us * - * Then they abused us *" "* Could you tell us that we were wrong?" "*" " * He had it coming * - * He had it coming *" " * He had it coming * - * He had it coming *" "* He only had himself to blame *" " * lf you'd have been there * - * lf you'd have been there *" " * lf you'd have seen it * - * lf you'd have seen it * * l betcha you would have done the same *" "Pop that gum one more time..." "single, my ass." "1 0 times!" "Number 1 7." "The spread eagle." "Artistic differences." "Pop." "Six." "Squish ." "Cicero." "Lipschitz." "Who belongs to them?" "What's it to you?" "Nothing ." "Heard they were VeIma's." "The Hunyak does her laundry for a buck a week." "Fresh towels for the can ." "Make it quick." "MAMA MORTON :" "I'm gonna take care of you now." "I know a couple of things." "Hear me out." "billy FIynn's set your trial for March 5th ." "March 7 th you'II be acquitted ." "March 8th , Mama is gonna put you on the vaudeville circuit." "VELMA:" "Now you're an agent, too?" "MAMA MORTON :" "until Ma bell installs a line in your cell ..." "all the calls have gotta go through me." "What kind of dough are we talking about?" "It's a crazy world ." "Babe Ruth is wearing rouge and playing the palace for $5,000 a week." "Yeah ." "What about someone with real talent?" "I been talking to the boys over at william Morris." "Due to your recent sensational activities..." "they think they can get you $2 ,500." "$2 ,500?" "Jeez, the most me and Veronica made was $350." "That's what happens when you have the right representation ." "I always wanted to play Big Jim CoIosimo's." "Do you think you can get me that?" "Big Jim's?" "Yeah ." "I don't know." "That's gonna take another phone call ." "How much is that gonna cost?" "You know how I feel about you ." "You're like family to me." "You're like one of my own ." "I'II do it for 50 bucks." "50 bucks for a phone call?" "You must get a Iot of wrong numbers, Mama." "Oh , Miss kelly, got your personals." "freshly pressed by yours truly." "No, it's my pleasure." "Hey, listen , can I ask you something?" "You know that Harrison guy?" "He said that what I done is a hanging case and that he's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty." "Yeah , so?" "So I'm scared ." "I sure would appreciate some advice." "especially from someone I admire as much as you ." "Since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage." "What's your talent?" "Washing and drying?" "No." "I danced in the chorus." "That was before I met my husband , Amos." "Look, honey, you want some advice?" "Here it is." "Direct from me to you ." "Keep your paws off my underwear, okay?" "Yeah , okay." "Thanks." "For nothing' ." "She's something , ain't she?" "No matter how big she gets, she's still as common as ever." "I'd Iike to help you , dearie." "Take a load off." "So, what do you figure on using for grounds?" "Grounds?" "What are you gonna tell the jury?" "I just figured I'd tell them the truth ." "The truth?" "Yeah ." "That's a one-way ticket to the death house." "holy Mother of God ." "Oh , relax." "In this town , murder's a form of entertainment." "Besides, in 4 7 years," "Cook County ain't never hung a woman yet." "So the odds are 4 7 to one that they won't hang you ." "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph ." "You're talking to the wrong people." "What you need is billy FIynn ." "Who?" "billy FIynn ." "He's only the best criminal lawyer in illinois." "What he don't know about juries and women ..." "How do you get billy FIynn?" "well , not by praying , dearie." "First, you give me $ 1 00." "Then I make a phone call ." "$ 1 00?" "well , you just..." "I mean , it seems pretty steep for a phone call ." "He's worth every cent." "He's never lost a case for a female client yet." "With a sweet little puss like yours..." "let's just say justice ain't so blind in Chicago." "He's never lost a case?" "Never." "Every girl in this place would kill to have billy FIynn represent her." "* Billy *" "* We want Billy *" "* B-l-Double-L-Y *" "* We're all his *" "* He's our kind of a guy *" "* And, ooh, what luck *" "* 'Cause here he is *" "BANDLEADER:" "Ladies and gentlemen ..." "presenting the siIver-tongued prince of the courtroom ." "The one, the only billy FIynn ." "* l don't care about expensive things *" "* Cashmere coats, diamond rings *" "* Don't mean a thing *" "* All I care about is love *" " * That's what he's here for * - * That's what I'm here for * * l don't care for wearing silk cravats *" "* Ruby studs, satin spats *" "* Don't mean a thing *" " * All I care about is love * - * All he cares about is love *" "* Give me two eyes of blue *" "* Softly saying *" "* "l need you" *" "* Let me see her standing there *" "* And honest, mister, I'm a millionaire *" "* l don't care for any fine attire *" "* Vanderbilt might admire *" "* No, no, not me *" " * All I care about is love * - * All he cares about is love *" "[ whistling ]" "Good morning , ladies." "Not guilty!" "You tell 'em , sweetheart." "* That's what he's here for *" "Excuse me, gentlemen ." "Miss kelly, do you remember anything about that night?" "I passed out completely." "I can't remember a thing ." "only that I didn't do it." "Any idea who did , dear?" "No, but my client is offering a substantial reward to anyone with information about this crime." "How much is the reward , Miss kelly?" "I don't know." "How much?" "We'II work it out after the trial ." "If there are no more questions..." "Miss kelly and I have work to do." "What's this about a reward?" "awfully dumb, reporters." "They'II write it up wrong ." "You deny the whole thing later." "Thank you ." "* All he cares about is love *" "Mr. FIynn , I'm Roxie Hart." "Who?" "Mama talked to you about me." "Oh , yeah , right." "The cute one." "I was hoping that you might represent me." "You got $5,000?" "Gee, that's a Iot of money." "Mama didn't say anything about $5,000." "Lookit, Mr. FIynn , I'm not very good at this..." "but maybe we could make some sort of arrangement between us?" "I can be an awfully good sport." "Good , you got that out of your system ." "You mean just one thing to me." "You call me when you got $5,000." "* All he cares about is love *" "* Show me long raven hair *" "* Flowin' down about to there *" "* When I see her runnin' free *" "* Keep your money, that's enough for me * * l don't care for drivin' Packard cars *" "* Or smoking long buck cigars *" "* No, no, not me *" "* All I care about is doin' the guy in *" "* Who's pickin' on you *" "* Twistin' the wrist that's turnin' the screw *" " * All he cares about * - * All I care about * * ls love *" "Oh , he'II see you now." "well , hello, Andy." "My name is Amos." "That's right." "Take a seat." "You're a remarkable man ." "Your wife two-times you ..." "plugs the guy, then tries to pin it on you ." "Most men would let a dame like that swing ." "But, no, you're sticking by her." "Makes you a hero in my eyes." "That's right." "I'm a hero." "Did you bring the money?" "I didn't do as well as I hoped ." "But I will , Mr. FIynn ." "This is only a thousand ." "plus there's $300 I borrowed from the guys at the garage." "There's $ 7 00 from the buiIding-and-Ioan fund ." "$2 ,000." "And that's all I got so far." "But I'II give you $20 off my salary every week." "I'II give you notes with interest." "double." "triple." "When you came to me yesterday..." "I didn't ask if she was guilty or innocent." "I didn't ask if she was a drunk or a dope fiend ." "No." "I said , "Do you have $5,000?" You said yes." "But you don't have $5,000." "I figure you're a dirty liar." "I don't waste my time with dirty liars." "Look." "I'm real sorry, Mr. FIynn ." "On the other hand ..." "your devotion to your wife is really very, very touching ." "I took your wife's case, and I'II keep it..." "because I play square." "Now, look, Hart..." "I don't like to blow my own horn , but if Jesus Christ had lived in Chicago today and if he had $5,000 and he'd come to me, things would have turned out differently." "AII right, this is what we're gonna do." "By the end of the week, I'm gonna have Roxie's name on the front page of every newspaper in town ." ""Sweetest little jazz killer ever to hit Chicago."" "That's the angle I'm after." "You make an announcement we're gonna have an auction ." "We got to raise money for her defense." "They'II buy everything she's ever touched ." "Your shoes, your dresses, your perfume, your underwear." "RO XIE :" "And VictroIa records." "Like the one I was playing when I shot the bastard ." "BILLY:" "I didn't hear that." "Not that I didn't have grounds." "Hey, what are they?" "That's for trial ." "Nobody's gonna care a lick what your defense is unless they care about you ." "The first thing we do is work up sympathy from the press." "They're not all pushovers like Mary Sunshine." "But there's one thing that they can never resist..." "and that is a reformed sinner." "So, what was your favorite subject in school?" "Oh , I was a real dummy." "There must have been something you were really good at." "I got high marks on courtesy and hygiene." "Perfect." "You wanted to be a nun ." "A nun?" "Where were you born?" "On a chicken farm outside of Lubbock." "Southern home filled with every luxury and refinement." "Where are your parents?" "probably on the front porch in their rocking chairs." "Parents dead ." "family fortune swept away." "You were educated at the Sacred Heart." "Then you fell into a runaway marriage." "Left you miserable, alone, unhappy." "You got all swept up in the mad whirl of the city." "Jazz, cabarets, liquor." "You were drawn like a moth to the flame." "Now the mad whirl has ceased ." "You are a butterfly crushed on the wheel ." "Which is it?" "Is it the moth or the butterfly?" "You have sinned , and you are sorry." "God , that's beautiful ." "Cut out God ." "Stay where you're better acquainted ." "Kid , when I'm through with you , not only will you be acquitted , every man on that jury will want to take you home to meet his mother." "[ Southern accent ] I was born on a beautiful Southern convent." "What?" "[ normal voice ] Oh , holy shit!" "I'm never gonna get this straight." "Pipe down on the swearing ." "From here on , you say nothing rougher than "Oh , dear."" "Try again ." "I was born on a..." "VELMA:" "I came up with more to do on the witness stand ." "I thought I'd get all teary-eyed and ask to borrow your handkerchief." "Then I thought I'd take a peek at the jury like this." "flash 'em a bit of thigh , huh?" "What do you think?" "Sounds great." "Don't you want to hear the rest?" "Tomorrow, kiddo." "You're at the top of my list." "well , well , well ." "Sorry to be late, Mr. FIynn ." "Hope you weren't too bored ." "I Iike it." "I Iike it." "Hey, PoIIyanna..." "I heard your press conference is tomorrow." "Yeah , what's it to you?" "well , you wanted my advice, right?" "well , here it is." "Don't forget billy FIynn's number-one client is billy FIynn ." "Meaning what?" "Meaning don't let him hog the spotlight." "You're the one they pay to see." "We can only sell them one idea at a time." "I can still see him coming at me with that awful look in his eyes." "And?" "And we both reached for the gun ." "That's right." "You both reached for the gun ." "Ready?" "Yeah ." "Miss Hart!" "Miss Hart!" "Good day, gentlemen ." "gentlemen , Miss Sunshine." "My client has just entered a plea of not guilty." "We look forward to a trial at the earliest possible date." "Are there any questions?" "Miss Sunshine." "As you know, my paper is dry." "Do you have any advice for young girls seeking to avoid a life of jazz and drink?" "absolutely, yes." "Mrs. Hart feels that it was the tragic combination of liquor and jazz which led to her downfall ." "Next question , please." "Ladies and gentlemen ..." "I would Iike to say how flattered I am that y'aII came to see me." "Mrs. Hart is very pleased " "I was a moth crushed on the wheel ." "You know, a butterfly drawn to the..." "I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard ." "Shut up, dummy." "BANDLEADER:" "Mr. billy FIynn in "The Press Conference Rag ."" "Notice how his mouth never moves." "almost." "Where'd you come from?" "* Mississippi *" "And your parents?" "* Very wealthy *" "Where are they now?" "* Six feet under *" "* But she was granted one more start *" "* The Convent of the Sacred Heart *" "* When'd you get here?" "* * 1 920 *" "* How old were you?" "*" "* Don't remember *" "* Then what happened?" "* * l met Amos *" "* And he stole my heart away *" "* Convinced me to elope one day *" "Poor dear!" "I can't believe what you've been through !" "A convent girl ." "A runaway marriage." "tell us, Roxie..." "* Who's Fred Casely?" "*" "* My ex-boyfriend *" "* Why'd you shoot him?" "* * l was leavin' *" "* Was he angry?" "*" "* Like a madman *" "* Still I said, "Fred, move along" *" "* She knew that she was doing wrong *" "* Then describe it *" "* He came toward me *" "* With the pistol?" "*" "* From my bureau *" "* Did you fight him?" "*" "* Like a tiger *" "* He had strength, and she had none *" "* And yet we both reached for the gun *" "* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, we both *" "* Oh, yes, we both, oh, yes, we both reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *" "* Oh, yes, we both reached for the gun, for the gun *" "* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *" "* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *" "* Oh, yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun *" "* Understandable *" "* Understandable *" "* Yes, it's perfectly understandable *" "* Comprehensible *" "* Comprehensible *" "* Not a bit reprehensible * * lt's so defensible *" "* How you feelin'?" "*" "* Very frightened *" "* Are you sorry?" "*" "* Are you kidding?" "*" "* That's your statement?" "*" "* All I'd say is *" "* Though my choo-choo jumped the track * * l'd give my life to bring him back *" " * And?" "* - * Stay away from *" " * What?" "* - * Jazz and liquor *" " * And?" "* - * And the men who *" " * What?" "* - * Play for fun *" " * And what?" "* - * That's the thought that *" " * Yeah?" "* - * Came upon me *" "* When?" "*" "* When we both reached for the gun *" "* Understandable *" "* Understandable *" "* Yes, it's perfectly understandable *" "* Comprehensible *" "* Comprehensible *" "* Not a bit reprehensible * * lt's so defensible *" "* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *" "* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *" "Let me hear it." "* The gun, the gun *" "* Oh, yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun *" "* A little louder *" "* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *" "* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *" "* Oh, yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun *" "* Now you got it *" "* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *" "* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *" "* Oh, yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun *" "* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *" "* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *" "* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *" "* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *" "* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *" "* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *" "* Both reached for the *" "* Gun *" "* Both reached for the gun *" "Move over, AI Capone." "The Windy City has taken a new criminal to its heart." "The name on everybody's lips is Roxie Hart." "The sweetest little lady ever accused of murder in Chicago." "Women want to look like her." "FeIIas want to go out with her." "Some little girls even want to take her home." "Don't get any ideas, little lady." "On the other side of town ..." "the assistant D.A. promises the game little sharpshooter will swing before the year is up." "Who knows?" "If he lives up to his word , Assistant D.A. Harrison might become Governor Harrison someday." "Back at the scene of the crime..." "everybody wants a little piece of Roxie Hart." "This jar of cold cream set her husband back $20." "Maybe this pretty little lady will get some of that famous Roxie style." "It seems everybody these days is rooting for Roxie Hart." "Take those wiIting flowers to the orphanage and make sure they know who sent them ." "So, kiddo, given any thought to what you want to do after billy gets you off?" "I think I'd Iike to go on the stage." "I figured as much ." "I already called the Morris office." "really?" "How much is that gonna cost me?" "My standard deal ." "1 0% of all your takings." "Yeah , well , we'II see, Mama." "Besides, I don't even have an act yet." "killing Fred CaseIy was your act." "Those stiffs in the audience want to say they saw somebody famous." "That's a freak act." "And besides, I am better than that." "well , of course you are, cupcake." "You can be as big as Sophie Tucker." "You really think so?" "Bigger than Cantor and JoIson combined ." "I always wanted to have my name in all the papers." "Before I met Amos..." "I used to date this weII-to-do ugly bootIegger." "He used to like to take me out and show me off." "ugly guys like to do that." "Once it said in the paper:" ""GangIand's AI CapeIIi seen at Chez Vito with cute blond chorine."" "That was me." "I clipped it, and I saved it." "You know, all my Iife, I wanted to have my own act." "But, no." "No, no." "They always turned me down ." "One big world full of "no."" "And then Amos came along ." "Safe, sweet Amos..." "... whoneversaysno." "I've never done this before." "But, you know, it is such a special night." "You are such a great audience!" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "And I really feel like I can talk to you , you know?" "So forget what you've read in the papers." "Forget what you've heard on the radio, because..." "I'm gonna tell you the truth ." "Not that the truth really matters." "[ Rim shot, laughter ]" "But I'm gonna tell you anyway." "In the bed department..." "Amos was zero." "[ Laughter ]" "When he made love to me..." "it was like he was fixing a carburetor or something ." "[ Imitating Amos ] "I Iove ya, honey." "I Iove ya."" "[ Laughter ]" "Anyway, I started fooling around ." "Then I started screwing around , which is fooling around without dinner." "[ Rim shot, laughter ]" "Then I met Fred CaseIy..." "who said that he could get me into vaudeville..." "... butthatdidn'tquite work out like I planned ." "I guess it didn't really work out too great for Fred , either." "[ Rim shot, laughter ]" "So I gave up on the whole vaudeville idea because you kinda figure after all those years..." "... opportunity'sjust passed you by." "* But it ain't *" "* Oh, no, no, no, no, but it ain't *" "And now?" "well , if this FIynn guy gets me off..." "with all this publicity..." "I got me a world full of "yes!"" "* The name on everybody's lips * * ls gonna be Ro xie *" "* The lady raking' in the chips * * ls gonna be Ro xie * * l'm gonna be a celebrity *" "* That means somebody everyone knows *" "* They're gonna recognize my eyes *" "* My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose *" "* From just some dumb mechanic's wife * * l'm gonna be Ro xie *" "* Who says that murder's not an art?" "*" "* And who, in case she doesn't hang *" "* Can say she started with a bang?" "*" "* Ro xie Hart *" "* Boys *" "* They're gonna wait outside in line *" "* To get to see *" " * Ro xie * - * Ro xie *" "* Think of those autographs I'll sign *" "* "Good luck to you" *" "* Ro xie *" "* And I'll appear in a lavaliere *" "* That goes all the way down to my waist *" "* Here a ring, there a ring, everywhere a ring-a-ling *" "* But always in the best of taste *" "I'm a star." "And the audience loves me, and I Iove them ." "And they love me for loving them ." "And I Iove them for loving me." "And we love each other." "And that's 'cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods." "And that's show biz..." "... kid." "* She's givin' up her humdrum life *" " * l'm gonna be " " Sing it * - * Ro xie *" "* She made a scandal and a start *" "* And Sophie Tucker will shit, I know *" "* To see her name get billed below *" "* Ro xie Hart *" "I can't take it anymore." "You can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato!" "Oh , no, Mama, not you , too." "I have some bad news." "The tour has been canceled ." "What?" "Your name's been out of the papers too long ." "AII you read about today is that Hart kid ." "She's hot." "And what am I supposed to do, huh?" "Suck up to her like everybody else?" "It couldn't hurt." "Over my dead body." "Mind if I join you?" "[ clicking , feedback ]" "MAN :" "Lights out. 1 0 minutes." "Smoke?" "Look what some Johnny sent me." "TripIe-cream carameIs all the way from San Francisco." "I'm watching my figure." "You know, the trial ." "Hey, great mention of you in the Trib today, huh?" "You know, there have been so many." "I just can't keep track." "Did I tell you , you are exactly the same size as my sister?" "You'd fit into her costumes perfectly." "really?" "Yeah ." "I was thinking with all the publicity that's piled up between us, and when billy gets us off, we'd be a natural to do an act together." "You think so, huh?" "[ clicking , feedback ]" "BANDLEADER:" "Ladies and gentlemen ..." "Miss VeIma kelly in an act of desperation ." "* My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop *" "* My sister and I were headed straight for the top *" "* My sister and I earned a thou a week at least *" "* Oh, yeah *" "* But my sister is now unfortunately deceased * * l know it's sad, of course *" "* But a fact is still a fact *" "* And now all that remains is the remains *" "* Of a perfect *" "* Double *" "* Act *" "Watch this." "You have to imagine it with two people." "It's swell with two people." "* First I'd *" "* Then she'd *" "* Then we'd *" "* But I can't do it alone *" "* Then she'd *" "* Then I'd *" "* Then we'd *" "* But I can't do it alone *" "* She'd say, "What's your sister like?" * * l'd say, "Men" *" "* She'd say, "You're the cat's meow" *" "* Then we'd wow the crowd again *" "* When she'd go * * l'd go *" "* We'd go *" "* Then those dingdong daddies started to roar *" "* Whistled, stomped, stamped on the floor *" "* Yelling, screaming, begging for more *" "* And we'd say, "Okay, fellas, keep your socks up *" "* 'Cause you ain't seen nothin' yet" *" "* But I simply cannot do it *" "* Alone *" "So, what do you think, huh?" "Come on , you can say." "I know." "You're right." "The first part's shit." "But the second part..." "is really nifty." "Okay." "* She'd go *" "* l'd go *" "* We'd go *" "* And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brown *" "* To cheer the best attraction in town *" "* They nearly tore the balcony down *" "* And we'd say, "Okay, boys, we're going home *" "* But before we go, here's a few more parting' shots" *" "* And this we did in perfect unison *" "* Now you've seen me going through it *" "* You may think there's nothing to it *" "* But I simply cannot do it *" "* Alone *" "So, where was the part where you blew her brains out?" "Okay, Roxie, I'II level with you ." "Oh , no, no, no." "Don't bother." "You think you're fooling me?" "You're all washed up, and it's me they want now." "And I'm a big star." "single." "Oh , I almost forgot." "You were in the paper today, too..." "in the back, with the obituaries." ""VeIma kelly's trial has been postponed indefinitely."" "Seven words." "Wow." "Oh ." "Here's a little piece of advice." "Direct from me to you ." "Lay off the caramels." "BANDLEADER:" "And now, for all you Chicago stay-up-Iaters." "You night owls who only come alive after dark." "We dedicate this tune." ""Chicago After Midnight."" "BILLY:" "This all took place on Lakeshore Drive." "incredible." "incredible." "AII right." "Yeah ." "Thanks, Tom ." "They just arrested this woman for a triple homicide." "really?" "Get this." "She's an heiress." "What?" "AII the family's in ..." "pineappIes, grapefruits, some kind of fruit." "So anyhow, this dame, Kitty what's-her-name..." "she's playing house on the North Side in an apartment with a guy named Harry." "What Harry does for a living , no one's quite sure, but it doesn't matter because she's footing the bills." "Anyhow, Kitty comes home tonight." "Harry's in bed , which is par for the course." "She goes to change." "When she returns, she notices something rather odd ." "extremely odd ." "Kitty disappears for a second ." "cool as a cucumber." "When she returns, she gently wakes up Harry." "[ Laughter ]" "Harry says, "What?" "I'm alone."" "She says, "alone?" "You got two other women in bed with you ."" "So, get this." "Harry says, "Come on , doll ." "You gonna believe what you see or what I tell you?"" "[ Laughter ]" "Good night, folks." "Give us the line!" "Give us the line!" "Miss Sunshine." "From the Evening Star." "I wonder if you wouldn't mind saying a word or two?" "Sure, I'II say three." "Go to hell !" "please direct your questions to her counsel ." "You're not my counsel , and I want my money back." "It's not your money." "It's your mother's money." "MARY SUNSHINE :" "Are you sorry, dear?" "Sure, I'm sorry." "Sorry I got caught." "Oh , Miss Sunshine?" "Not now, Roxie." "I got a letter from a guy." "He says he's going on a hunger strike until I'm freed ." "That's nice, dear." "Miss Baxter?" "Did you know these two ladies personally?" "Did I know these two ladies?" "Was that your question?" "Yeah , that's my " "She's very high-spirited , isn't she?" "Miss Baxter?" "Oh , hey, Mr. FIynn !" "Mr. FIynn !" "Yeah , hi , Trixie." "It's Roxie." "Yeah , sure, I was just kidding ." "Did you get my trial date yet?" "Listen , kid ..." "I'm at the top of your list, right?" "Go to hell !" "Boy, what a hellion , huh?" "She's a socialite, too." "Her mother owns all the pineapples in Hawaii ." "What the hell do I care about pineapples?" "AII right." "Listen !" "Miss Baxter will answer all of your questions." "Afterwards, I'II be happy to give you an interview myself." "VELMA:" "How's it feel , kid?" "J ." "Edgar Hoover couldn't find your name in the papers." "Mr. FIynn !" "BILLY:" "Someone open this door immediately!" "MARY SUNSHINE :" "Oh , my God !" "Roxie!" "What is it, dear?" "Oh !" "Oh , no." "Don't worry about me." "Oh , I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby." "Baby?" "Shit!" "Roxie, when did this happen , darling?" "well , Doc, is she or isn't she?" "She is." "would you swear to that statement in court?" "Yes." "Good ." "Button your fly." "I would just like to say that..." "my own life doesn't matter now..." "just that of my unborn child ." "You poor dear, to have your baby born in jail ." "My readers won't stand for it." "I can assure you that won't happen ." "She'II come to trial at the earliest moment." "I think it's sweet." "First time we ever had one of our girls knocked up." "When is the baby due, Roxie?" "I just heard the good news." "I'm the father!" "I'm the father!" "Roxie, who's the father?" "That question is completely out of line." "How dare you insult this brave, young woman ." "That's enough ." "Roxie, honey!" "It's me!" "Daddy!" "It's Daddy!" "Roxie, I came as soon as I couId !" "* lf someone stood up in a crowd *" "* And raised his voice up way out loud *" "* And waved his arm and shook his leg *" "* You'd notice him * * lf someone in the movie show *" "* Yelled, "Fire in the second row!" "*" "* This whole place is a powder keg!" *" "* You'd notice him *" "* And even without clucking like a hen *" "* Everyone gets noticed now and then *" "* Unless, of course, that personage should be * * Invisible * * inconsequential *" "* Me *" "* Cellophane *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* Shoulda been my name *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* 'Cause you can look right through me *" "* Walk right by me *" "* And never know I'm there * * l tell ya *" "* Cellophane *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* Shoulda been my name *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* 'Cause you can look right through me *" "* Walk right by me *" "* And never know I'm there *" "Oh ." "I didn't see you ." "Sit down ." "Sit down ." "Look, Andy, I'm afraid I got to hit you hard ." "And I can only hope that you'II be big about it." "Amos." "My name is Amos." "Who said it wasn't?" "Oh , it was the kid's name I was thinking about, yeah ." "You know when she's due?" "September." "Oh , but pass out those cigars, anyway." "I don't want you to give a damn when people..." "people what?" "Laugh ." "Laugh?" "Why would they laugh?" "'Cause they can count." "Can you count?" "September." "Here's a copy of Roxie's first statement from the D.A.'s office." "It says she hadn't copuIated with you for four months prior to the incident." "well , she would know." "Yeah , I guess we hadn't done no copuIating since..." "Wait a minute." "That don't figure out right." "I couldn't be the father." "Forget about that now." "My client needs your support." "You mean she needs a meal ticket." "That's all I ever been ." "This time she's gone too far." "What are you gonna do?" "Divorce her?" "You're damn right!" "I'II divorce her!" "She probably won't even notice." "[ Intercom buzzes ]" "Yeah?" "Yeah , put him through ." "* A human being's made of more than air *" "* With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there *" "* Unless that human being next to you * * ls unimpressive *" "* Undistinguished *" "* You *" "* Know *" "* Who *" "You still here, Andy?" "Yeah , I'm still here." "I think." "* Shoulda been my name *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* 'Cause you can look right through me *" "* Walk right by me *" "* And never know I'm there * * l tell ya *" "* Cellophane *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* Shoulda been my name *" "* Mister Cellophane *" "* 'Cause you can look right through me *" "* Walk right by me *" "* And never know I'm there *" "* Never even *" "* Know * * l'm there *" "I hope I didn't take up too much of your time." "I've been waiting 1 0 minutes." "Don't do that again ." "This dress makes me look like a WooIworth's Iampshade." "I'm not wearing this." "You're wearing it because I tell you to wear it." "When Andy's on the stand , I want you to be knitting ." "Knitting?" "Oh , for Christ sakes." "A baby garment." "I don't know how to knit!" "Then learn ." "That is no way to win a jury's sympathy." "Oh , you don't need advice anymore." "Lookit here, Mr. Mouthpiece..." "it seems to me that I am the one who's coming up with the good ideas." "I am sick of everybody telling me what to do." "You treat me like dirt." "You treat me like I'm some dumb common criminal ." "But you are." "well , it's better than being a greasy Mick lawyer." "Who happens to be saving your ass!" "Who's out for all he can steal !" "Maybe you'd Iike to appear in court without me." "well , maybe I couId ." "Have you read the morning papers?" "They love me!" "Wise up!" "They'd love you a Iot more if you were hanged ." "You know why?" "'Cause they'd sell more papers." "You're fired ." "I quit." "Any lawyer in this town would die to have my case." "You are a phony celebrity." "You're a flash in the pan ." "In a couple of weeks, no one's gonna give a shit about you ." "That's Chicago." "What happened?" "It's the Hunyak." "She lost her last appeal ." "So what's that mean?" "well , that means that next week, she's gonna..." "This is Mary Sunshine coming to you from the Cook County jail ..." "where history will be made today." "KataIin HeIinski will become the first woman in the state of illinois to be executed ." "And so, ladies and gentlemen ..." "And now, ladies and gentlemen ..." "for your pleasure and your entertainment..." "we proudly present KataIin HeIinski and her famous Hungarian disappearing act." "You know, it's really not that bad ." "You clear about everything we agreed on?" "Yep." "I've been up all night rehearsing ." "What do you do when Harrison starts coming after you?" "I sit still and look straight ahead ..." "never at the jury." "And?" "And I Iook modest." "And?" "And ..." "And say nothing ." "That's right." "That was the deal , right?" "Right." "You asked me back." "I do all the talking this time." "absolutely, billy." "Whatever you say." "Mr. FIynn ." "His Honor's here." "Thank you ." "You ready?" "Yeah ." "I'm scared ." "Ah , don't be." "I've been around a Iong time." "believe me." "You got nothing to worry about." "It's all a circus." "A three-ring circus." "These trials, the whole world ." "It's all show business." "But, kid ..." "You're working with a star." "* Give 'em the old razzle dazzle *" "* Razzle dazzle 'em *" "* Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it *" "* And the reaction will be passionate *" "* Give 'em the old hocus pocus *" "* Bead and feather 'em *" "* How can they see with sequins in their eyes?" "*" "* What if your hinges all are rusting?" "*" "* What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?" "*" "* Razzle dazzle 'em *" "* And they'll never catch wise *" "* Give 'em the old razzle dazzle *" "* Razzle dazzle 'em *" "* Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous *" "* Row after row will grow vociferous *" "* Give 'em the old flimflam flummo x *" "* Fool and fracture 'em *" "* How can they hear the truth above the roar?" "*" "* Throw 'em a fake and a finagle *" "* They'll never know you're just a bagel *" "* Razzle dazzle 'em *" "* And they'll beg you for more *" "I object!" "Sustained ." "Your Honor, I haven't even asked the question yet." "* Give 'em the old double whammy *" "* Daze and dizzy 'em *" "* Back since the days of old Methuselah *" "* Everyone loves the big bamboozler *" "* Give 'em the old three-ring circus *" "* Stun and stagger 'em *" "* When you're in trouble, go into your dance *" "* Though you are stiffer than a girder *" "* They'll let you get away with murder *" "* Razzle dazzle 'em *" "* And you got a romance *" "hello, Amos." "Amos." "That's right, Mr. FIynn ." "Amos." "Amos, when did you file suit for divorce?" "A month ago." "Was there any reason at this time?" "I'II say." "The newspapers said Roxie was expecting a little stranger." "That's hardly grounds for divorce, is it?" "A little too much of a stranger." "You mean you doubted the paternity of the child ." "well , sure." "tell me, Amos." "You share a bed with your wife?" "Yes, sir, every night." "And you expect this jury to believe that you slept next to this woman every night without exercising your rights as a husband?" "well , I couId've if I wanted to." "Oh , but you didn't." "No, I did ." "Did what?" "Want to." "But you didn't." "Didn't what?" "What you wanted ." "Wait." "I'm getting confused ." "Did you ever question Roxie herself?" "Did you ask her if you were the father of her child?" "No, sir." "But if you became convinced that you were wrong ..." "you'd be man enough to admit it." "You'd take her back if Roxie swore that you were the father." "Which she does." "She does?" "She does!" "She does!" "No more questions!" "You can step down now." "well done, Andy." "Oh , Roxie, I'm so sorry." "ALL:" "Aw!" "[ applause ]" "* Give 'em the old razzle dazzle *" "* Razzle dazzle 'em *" "* Show 'em the first-rate sorcerer you are *" "* Long as you keep 'em way off balance *" "* How can they spot you got no talents?" "*" "* Razzle dazzle 'em *" "This is the moment we've been waiting for." "Roxie Hart finally takes the stand in her own defense." "* And they'll make you a star *" "Order!" "Order!" "Proceed , Mr. FIynn ." "Roxie, I have here a statement in which you admit to having illicit relations with the deceased , Fred CaseIy." "Is this true or false?" "I'm afraid that's true." "You're an honest girl , Roxie." "When did you first meet Fred CaseIy?" "When he sold Amos and me our furniture." "Your personal relationship with him -- could you tell the jury when that began?" "When I permitted him to escort me home one night." "I don't think I would've gone with him if Mr. Hart and me hadn't quarreIed that very morning ." "QuarreIed?" "Yes, sir." "well , I suppose it was his fault." "Oh , no, sir." "It was my fault." "I suppose I just couldn't stop pestering him ." "Pestering him?" "About what?" "I didn't like him working those long hours at the garage." "I wanted him home with me..." "to darn his socks and iron his shirts." "I wanted a real home and a child ." "So you drifted into this illicit relationship because you were unhappy at home." "Yes." "I was most unhappy." "Roxie Hart!" "The state has accused you of the murder of Fred CaseIy!" "Are you guilty or not guilty?" "I'm not guilty." "I'm not guilty." "I killed him ." "I did , but I'm not a criminal ." "I'm not a criminal !" "Do you recall the night of January 1 4th?" "could you tell the jury, in your own words, the happenings of that night?" "well , when Fred came over, I told him my good news." "And what was that?" "That me and Amos were gonna have a baby." "And that it was all over between us." "What happened then?" "well , then ..." "Then ..." "Did he threaten you , Roxie?" "Objection , Your Honor." "counsel is leading the witness!" "Sustained ." "What did CaseIy say when you told him the news?" ""I'II kill you before I'II see you have another man's child !"" "could you tell the audience -- the jury -- what happened next?" "well , in his passion , he tore off my robe..." "and he threw me on the bed ." "And Mr. Hart's pistol was Iying there between us." "And then?" "We both reached for the gun , but I got it first." "Then he came toward me with this funny look in his eyes." "He was angry and wild !" "wild !" "wild !" "Did you think he meant to kill you?" "Oh , yes, sir." "Yes, sir." "So it was his life or yours?" "And not just mine." "I closed my eyes, and I shot!" "In defense of your life!" "To save my husband's innocent, unborn child !" "[ AII gasping ]" "[ Indistinct shouting ]" "Roxie!" "Order!" "What a bull's-eye, huh?" "Order in this court!" "I'II clear this court if necessary." "There's pandemonium here in the courtroom ." "Order!" "BaiIiff!" "Mrs. Hart's behavior throughout this ordeal has been truly extraordinary." "Yeah , I bet it has." "Opening her eyes, she fans herself with her attorney's handkerchief." "Handkerchief?" "Poor child has had no relief." "She looks around bewildered , seeming to want something ." "Oh , it's a glass of water." "Oh , Mama, that was my bit!" "I told billy I was gonna do that at my trial !" "But now her eyes flutter wildly, and she " "Mrs. Hart has fainted again ." "Oh , jeez." "She slumps over, her chiffon dress up around her knees, revealing a glimpse of a blue garter with a rhinestone buckle." "Oh , Mama, she stole my garter." "She stole my garter!" "Don't break my radio!" "First, the slob steals my publicity." "Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date." "Now my goddamn garter!" "What do you expect?" "These days you get a little success..." "and it's good riddance to the people who put you there." "There ain't no justice in the world ." "And there ain't nothing you can do about it." "Nerts to that." "You think I got you up here just so you can listen to my radio?" "people write some pretty interesting things when they think no one's looking ." "Oh , Mama." "The state calls a rebuttal witness." "[ Spectators murmuring ]" "Left hand on the bible, raise your right hand ." "You swear to tell the truth , so help you God?" "And then some." "Have a seat." "would you state your name for the record , please?" "VeIma kelly." "Miss kelly, will you please tell the court if the object I am holding is the one you happened to come upon in the defendant's jail cell?" "Yes, it is." "I submit this as Exhibit "X."" "Roxie Hart's diary." "I object!" "My client has never kept a diary." "And even if she did , this would be invasion of privacy in violation of the Fourth Amendment and illegal search without a warrant." "Yeah ." "And she broke the lock." "[ Laughter, gaveI banging ]" "Order!" "Order!" "well , that settles that." "I'II allow it." "What's the big deal?" "It's just a bunch of doodIings." "If you would read for us, please." "I haven't worked in a while." ""What a laugh , plugging Fred CaseIy." "The big baboon had it coming ." "I'm just sorry I only got to kill him once."" "I never wrote that!" "You ..." "Hey, she made that up!" "Order!" "Order!" "She made that up!" "please, Mr. FIynn , get control of your client." "I'm sorry, Your Honor." "It won't happen again ." "Sit down ." "Shut up." "It's only making it worse." "I have no more questions." "Your witness, Mr. FIynn ." "Ladies and gentlemen , a tap dance." "Miss kelly, did you make a deal with Mr. Harrison?" "Maybe to drop all charges against you in exchange for testifying?" "well , sure." "I'm not a complete idiot." "[ Laughter ]" "Good ." "Good ." "Since you gave such an impressive performance for Mr. Harrison , maybe you'd do me the same honor." "I'd be delighted ." "Thank you ." ""Fred CaseIy assured me he'd get me an audition down at the Onyx." "Then he reneged on his pledge, and that was my motive for attacking him ."" "Pretty fancy way of saying "He's a big fat liar who weIshed on a deal , so I shot him ."" ""Amos accused me of having an affair..." "so I told him that the charge was erroneous."" "Objection , Your Honor!" "Mr. FIynn is twisting this evidence to draw conclusions that are specious and ..." "Erroneous?" "exactly!" "[ Laughter, gaveI banging ]" "Order!" "Order!" "Miss kelly, do you know the meaning of the word perjury?" "Yes, I do." "Do you know it's a crime?" "Yes." "If it turns out that you knew that this diary was a fake..." "I'd hate to think of you rotting in prison for the next 1 0 years." "Since you won your freedom ." "Look, all I know is what I was told ." "Oh , so, all right." "So you didn't find this diary in Roxie's cell?" "No." "Mama " " Miss Morton gave it to me." "She said someone sent it to her." "Someone?" "Any idea who this mysterious benefactor might be?" "No." "She didn't know." "AII right, Iet's see if we can work this out." "Someone who writes about reneging on pledges and erroneous charges." "call me crazy." "Doesn't that sound like a lawyer?" "A lawyer who had a sample of my client's handwriting ." "Mr. Harrison , didn't you ask Roxie to write out a confession?" "Yes." "You're not suggesting I tampered with evidence?" "No." "I wouldn't." "Don't be ridiculous." "No." "That's thoroughly and utterly absurd ." "Now that you mention it..." "Your Honor, this is outrageous!" "I know." "I agree." "To even suggest that the prosecutor would make a thieves' bargain with VeIma kelly..." "then fabricate the very evidence that set her free!" "Just so you can win another case and move one step closer to the Governor's Mansion !" "Why, it's simply beyond all imagining !" "I'II hold you in contempt!" "No, it is not even conceivable!" "But if it were, wouldn't it be time to say:" ""Come clean , Mr. Harrison"?" "Even in Chicago, this kind of corruption cannot stand !" "will not stand !" "That's enough , Mr. FIynn !" "I agree, Your Honor!" "It is enough !" "The defense rests." "[ Rim shot, cymbals crash ]" "Ladies and gentlemen , this is Mary Sunshine..." "reporting live from the Cook County Courthouse." "The city of Chicago has come to a complete standstill ..." "as the trial of the century finally draws to a close." "Mrs. Hart sits quietly at the defense table." "Hands folded ." "Wondering what fate has in store for her." "And now a hush falls over the courtroom ..." "as the 1 2 men of the jury file slowly back to their seats." "[ gavel banging ]" "gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?" "We have, Your Honor." "The jury has reached a verdict." "will the defendant please rise?" "What is your verdict?" "We, the jury, find the defendant..." "Roxie Hart is innocent!" "She's innocent!" "Get your paper!" "Roxie Hart is free!" "She's free!" "[ Gunshots, screaming ]" "Come on !" "Move it!" "First she shoots the husband , then she plugs the lawyer." "Don't you want to take my picture?" "I'm the famous Roxie Hart." "Hey, what happened?" "billy, what the hell happened?" "This is Chicago, kid ." "You can't beat fresh blood on the walls." "But my publicity, billy." "My name in the papers." "I was counting on that." "Your gratitude is overwhelming , kid ." "I just saved your life." "Yeah , and you got $5,000." "And what do I get?" "I get nothing?" "It's $ 1 0,000 once I collect from VeIma." "I get nothing?" "Oh , don't forget your blessed diary." "Hope you don't mind ." "I added a few erroneous phrases." "Sorry I couldn't tell you ." "CouIdn't take a chance." "I never lost a case." "You're a free woman , Roxie Hart." "And God save illinois." "What do you want?" "I want you to come home." "You said you still wanted to." "And the baby." "Baby?" "What baby?" "Oh , Jesus." "What do you take me for?" "There ain't no baby." "There ain't no baby?" "They didn't even want my picture." "I can't understand that." "Why didn't they even want my picture?" "* lt's good * * lsn't it grand?" "* * lsn't it great?" "* * lsn't it swell?" "* * lsn't it fun?" "* * lsn't it?" "*" "* Nowadays *" "Ladies and gentlemen ..." "Miss Roxie Hart says "Good night."" "* There's men everywhere *" "* Jazz everywhere *" "* Booze everywhere *" "* Life everywhere *" "* Joy everywhere *" "* Nowadays *" "* You can like the life you're livin' *" "* You can live the life you like *" "* You can even marry Harry *" "* But mess around with Ike *" "* And that's good * * lsn't it grand?" "* * lsn't it great?" "* * lsn't it swell?" "* * lsn't it fun?" "* * lsn't it?" "*" "* But nothing *" "* Stays *" "* You can like the life you're living *" "* You can live the life you like *" "Didn't she kill a guy awhile back?" "Ah , who can keep them straight anymore?" "* But mess around with Ike *" "* And that's good * * lsn't it grand?" "* * lsn't it great?" "*" "That's great!" "We'II be in touch ." "I'm not quite finished yet." "Wait, wait, wait." "One more." "I couId ..." "Just a second ." "I'm not " "God damn it!" "Thank you !" "Here's the music, hon ." "Thanks." "God damn it." "You know, you're really pretty good ." "Yeah , that and a dime." "What are you doing here?" "I heard you been making the rounds." "if it was up to you , I'd be swinging by now." "I always knew billy would get you off." "You should learn how to put things behind you ." "Oh , thank you ." "I'II put that at the top of my list." "Right after finding a job and an apartment with a john ." "Shut up and listen to me!" "You really are something ." "Coming in here like some goddamn queen bee." "AII full of advice for a poor slob like me." "Let me tell you something , Miss VeIma kelly." "I got a new life now." "One of the best things about it is it don't include you ." "I thought we could help each other." "You thought wrong , didn't you?" "Listen to me." "I talked to this guy downtown ." "He said one jazz killer is nothing these days..." "but two..." "We could make a couple of hundred a week." "Think about it, Roxie." "Our faces back in the papers." "Our names on the marquee." "VeIma kelly and Roxie Hart." "ShouIdn't it be alphabetical?" "That could work." "couple hundred?" "Maybe we could ask for a thou ." "We're worth it." "Forget it." "It'II never work." "Why not?" "'Cause I hate you ." "There's only one business in the world where that's no problem at all ." "Ladies and gentlemen ..." "the Chicago Theater is proud to announce a first." "The first time anywhere there's been an act of this nature." "Not only one little lady." "But two." "You've read about them in the papers." "And now here they are." "Chicago's own kiIIer-diIIers." "Those scintiIIating sinners." "Roxie Hart and VeIma kelly!" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "* You can like the life you're livin' *" "* You can live the life you like *" "* You can even marry Harry *" "* But mess around with Ike *" "* And that's good * * lsn't it grand?" "* * lsn't it great?" "* * lsn't it swell?" "* * lsn't it fun?" "* * lsn't it?" "*" "* But nothing stays * * ln 50 years or so * * lt's gonna change, you know *" "* But, oh, it's heaven *" "* Nowadays *" "Okay, you babes of jazz, Iet's pick up the pace." "Let's make the parties longer, the skirts shorter." "Let's all go to hell in a fast car and keep it hot!" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "[ applause ]" "[ Cheers ]" "[ Laughter ]" "[ Cheers, whistling ]" "Me and Roxie, we'd just like to say thank you !" "Thank you !" "believe us, we could not have done it without you !" "* And all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "* That jazz *" "5, 6, 7, 8..." "* While trucking' down the road of life *" "* Although all hope seems gone * * l just move on *" "* When I can't find a single star *" "* To hang my wish upon * * l just move on * * l move on *" "* l run so fast *" "* A shotgun blast *" "* Can hurt me not one bit * * l'm on my toes *" "* 'Cause heaven knows *" "* A moving target's hard to hit *" "* So as we play an ice ballet *" "* We're not the dying swan *" "* We just move on *" "* We move on *" "* Just when it seems *" "* We're out of dreams *" "* And things have got us down *" "* We don't despair *" "* We don't go there *" "* We hang our bonnets out of town *" "* So there's no doubt *" "* We're well cut out *" "* To run life's marathon *" "* We just move on *" "* We just move on *" "* So fleet of foot *" "* We can't stay put *" "* We just move on *" "* Yes, we move on *" "* Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town *" "* And all that jazz?" "* * l'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Start the car, I know a whoopee spot *" "* Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot * * lt's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl *" "* And all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "* Find a flask, we're playing fast and loose *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Right up here is where l store the juice *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky * * l betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high *" "* 'Cause in the stratosphere, how could he lend an ear *" "* To all *" "* That *" "* Jazz?" "*" "* Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy-shake *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Oh, she's gonna shimmy till her garters break *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Show her where to park her girdle *" "* Oh, her mother's blood will curdle * * lf she'd hear her baby's queer *" "* For all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "* Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town *" "* And all that jazz?" "* * l'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down *" "* And all that jazz *" "* Start the car, I know a whoopee spot *" "* Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot * * lt's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl *" "* And all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "* No, I'm no one's wife *" "* But, oh, I love my life *" "* And all *" "* That *" "* Jazz *" "* That jazz *"