"whistling the theme music from the movie "Bridge on the River Kwai."" "Uh, Rach, we're running low on resumes over here." "Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?" "Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for." "Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for anything here, OK?" "I cannot be a waitress anymore,I mean it." "I'm sick of the lousy tips, I'm sick of being called 'Excuse me...'" "Rach, did you proofread these?" "Uh... yeah, why?" "Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent "compuper" skills." "Oh my Goood!" "Oh, do you think it's on all of them?" "Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few." "Season 1 Episode 18 The One With All The Poker" "ÈS?" "æã?" "¯F?" "?" "TV_Friends?" "é"?" "?" ":" "Kenneth@?" "¦Ó¬Ã" " Hey, guys." " Hey." "Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything?" " Did you bring the mail?" " Lots of responses." "Really?" "Sure, we have scones left!" "OK, read them to me." "'Dear Ms. Green, thank you for your inquiry, however... oh..." " We have apple cinnamon..." " OK..." "Dear Ms. Green..." "Yeah... yeah... yeah..." "No." " Wow!" " What?" "Your Visa bill is huge!" "Give me that!" "You know, I can't believe you." "Linda is so great!" "Why won't you go out with her again?" "I don't know." "Is this still about her whole "The Flintstones could've really happened" thing?" "No, it's not just that." "It's just?" "I want someone who... who does something for me,y'know?" "Who gets my heart pounding, who... who makes me, uh little playthings with yarn?" "What?" "Could you want her more?" "Who?" "Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening." "Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I just..." " Hiiii!" " Hi!" "How are you?" " We're fine, we're fine." " OK." "Shut up!" "We're not?" "we're not saying anything." "What?" "Uhhhh..." "Joey cried last night." "Thank you." "We were playing poker, alright..." "There was chocolate on the three." "It looked like an eight, alright?" "Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read 'em and weep.'" "And then he did." "Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?" "Yeah, what is that?" "Like, some kind of guy thing?" "Like, some kind of sexist guy thing?" "Like it's poker, so only guys can play?" "No, women are welcome to play." "Oh, OK, so then what is it?" "Some kind of..." "you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it?" "There just don't happen to be any women in our games." "Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker." "Oh, yeah, right." "Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse!" "I mean, that's a typical guy response." "Excuse me, do any of you know how to play?" "No." "But you could teach us." "No." "OK, so now we draw cards." "So I wouldn't need any, right?" "Cause I have a straight." " Oh, good for you!" " Congratulations!" "OK Phoebs, how many do you want?" "OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs." "No." "No, uh, Phoebs?" "You can't?" "you can't do..." " Oh wait, I have the ten of spades!" "Here!" "No, no." "Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that." "Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no, that's OK, I don't need them." "I'm going for fours." "Oh, you're..." "Alright, here we go." "We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what're you doin'?" "This is a poker game." "You can't serve food with more than one syllable." "It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz..." "OK, so at this point, the dealer..." "Alright, you know, we got it, we got it." "Let's play for real." "High stakes... big bucks..." "Alright, now, you sure?" "Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy..." "But..." "I'm ready, so, just deal." "OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson." "Joey... three... eight." "Eight... three." "Alright babe, deal the cards." "Dammit, dammit, dammit!" "Oh I see, so then, you were lying." " About what?" " About how good your cards were." "Heh..." "I was bluffing." "A-ha!" "And... what is bluffing?" "Is it not another word for..." "lying?" "OK, sorry to break up this party, but I've got resumes to fax before work tomorrow..." " Whoa, whoa, whoa!" " Rach, Rach, we gotta settle." "Settle what?" "The..." "Jamestown colony of Virginia." "You see, King George is giving us the land, so..." "The game, Rachel, the game." "You owe us money for the game." "Oh." "Right." "You know what, you guys?" "It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright?" "Hell no, we'll pay!" "OK, Monica?" "I had another answer all ready." "And you know what?" "We want a rematch." "Well that's fine with me." "Could use the money." "So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from all of your friends." "...Yeah." "Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea." "You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less." "Look, Rachel, this is poker." "I play to win, alright?" "In order for me to win, other people have to lose." "So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK?" "Cause once those cards are dealt Yeah?" "I'm not a nice guy." "Alright boys, let's eat." "Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria?" "You still on that?" "Oh, come on." "What was with that whole Black Bart speech?" ""When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"" "You are way off, pal." "No, I don't think so, see Ross, because I think you love her." "Um.... no." "See, I might've had feelings for her at one time?" "not any more." "I just?" "I..." "Marcel!" "Where are you going with that disc?" "You are not putting that on again!" "Marcel," "OK?" "if you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble." "Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?" "Yeah, I know." "He can get really competitive." "What?" "Oh, hello, kettle?" "This is Monica." "You're black." "Please!" "I am not as bad as Ross." "Oh, I beg to differ." "The Pictionary incident?" "That was not an incident!" "I-I was gesturing, a-and the plate slipped out of my hand." "Oh!" "I got an interview!" "I got an interview!" "You're kidding!" "Where?" "Where?" "Sak's..." "Fifth..." "Avenue." "Oh, Rachel!" "Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home." "Well, what's the job?" "Assistant buyer." "Oh!" "I would be shopping... for a living!" "OK, look." "That is Aunt Iris." "This woman has been playing poker since she was five." "You gotta listen to every word she says." "Hi!" "Is Tony Randall dead?" " I don't think so." " Why?" "Well, he may be now, because I think I hit him with my car." " Oh my God!" " Really?" "No!" "That's bluffing." "Lesson number one." "Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap." " Nice earrings." " Thank y..." "Girls, sit down." " Uh, Aunt Iris?" "This is Phoebe, and that's Rachel..." " Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen," "I am parked at a meter." "Let's do it." "Ross, could we please, please, please listen to anything else?" "Alright." "I'm gonna pay for that tonight." " Hi!" " Hey." "Guys!" "Guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what!" "Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?" "Noooo... the interview!" "She loved me!" "She absolutely loved me." "We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, and oh, I went to camp with her cousin..." "And, oh, the job is perfect." "I can do this." "I can do this well!" " That's great!" " That's wonderful!" "Oh God, oh, and then she told the funniest story..." "OK, great." "You'll tell us and we'll laugh." "Let's play poker." "Alright now listen, you guys, we talked about it, and if you don't want to play, we completely understand." "Oh yes, yes, we could play some other game..." "like, uh, I don't know..." "Pictionary?" "Ha, ha, very funny, very funny." "But I think we'd like to give poker another try." "Shall we, ladies?" "Yes, we should." "I think we should." "Uh, Rach, do you want me to shuffle those?" "No, no, thats OK." "Y'know, I think I'm gonna give it a go." "So, Phoebs owes $7.50, Monica, you owe $10, and Rachel, you owe fifteen big ones." "But hey, thanks for teaching' us Cross-Eyed Mary." "You guys, we gotta play that at our regular game." "Alright, here's my $7.50." "But I think you should know that this money is cursed." "What?" "Oh, I cursed it." "So now bad things will happen to he who spends it." "That's alright, I'll take it." "Bad things happen to me anyway." "This way I can break 'em up with a movie." "Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen..." "Mmm-hmmm." "Oh, so typical." "Ooo, I'm a man." "Ooo, I have a penis." "Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women." "You know what?" "This is not over." "We will play you again, and we will win, and you will lose, and you will beg, and we will laugh, and we will take every last dime you have, and you will hate yourselves forever." "Hmm." "Kinda stepped on my point there, Mon." "So, you gals wanna hand over your money now?" "That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing." "Ooooh, that's fine." "We'll see who has the last laugh there, monkey boy." "OK, we done with the chit-chat?" "Are we ready to play some serious poker?" "Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go." "Right, OK, serious poker." "Excuse me, where are you going?" "Uh... to the bathroom." "Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker?" "I want to go to the bathroom." "Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza." "Oh no-no-no-no-no, I'm still waiting to hear from that job and the store closes at nine, so you can eat then." "That's fine." "I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold me over." "Alright, Cincinnati, no blinds, everybody ante." "Yes!" ".... or no." "Alright." "Your money's mine, Green." "Your fly is open, Geller." "You guys, you know what I just realized?" ""Joker" is "poker" with a "J."" "Coincidence?" "Hey, that's... that's "joincidence" with a "C"!" "Uh..." "Phoebe?" "Phoebe?" "Yeah." "Um..." "I'm out." "I'm in." "Me too." "Me too." "Alright, whattaya got." "Well, you better hop outta the shower, cause..." "I gotta flush." "Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause I got four sixes!" "I won!" "I actually won!" "Oh my God!" "Y'know what?" "I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile." "I think that one was Ross's, and I think oh!" "that one was Ross's." "Yes!" "Well, I have got your money, and you'll never see it..." "And your fly's still open..." "Ha, I made you look...." " I couldn't be inner." "Monica?" " Monica, in or out?" "I hate this game!" "OK Joey, your bet." "Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face." "Oh, I'm out." "Ross?" "Oh, I am very in." "Chandler?" " Couldn't be more out." " Me too." "Rachel." "Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you." "What do you say... want to waste another buck?" " No, not this time." "So... what'd you have?" " I'm not telling." " Come on, show them to me." " No..!" " Show them to me!" " Get your hands out of there!" "No!" "Y'know, I've had dates like this." "Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can you?" "Your whole face is getting red..." "little veins popping out on your temple..." "Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants." " First of all, I'm not losing..." " Oh, you are losing." "Definitely losing." " Hel-lo, Rachel Green." " Mee mee, mee-mee mee." "Excuse me." "It's about the job." "Barbara!" "Hi, how are you?" "erhhhhh" "No, I understand." "Yeah." "Oh, oh, come on, no, I'm fine." "Don't be silly." "Yeah... oh, but you know, if-if anything else opens up, plea?" "Hello?" "Hello?" " Sorry, Rach." " Y'know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff." "Yeah...." "OK." "Where were we?" "Oh, OK... five card draw, uh... jacks or better... nothing wild, everybody ante." "Look, Rachel, we don't have to do this." "Yes, we do." "Alright, check." "Check." "I'm in for fifty cents." "Call." "I'm in." "I see your fifty cents... and I raise you... five dollars." "I thought, uh... it was a fifty cent limit." "Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks." "Does anybody have a problem with that?" " Not at all" "Loser?" "No, I fold." "What do you mean, you fold?" "Hey, come on!" "What is this?" "I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.'" "I mean, what, were you just full of it?" "I'm in." "How many you want?" "One." "Dealer takes two." " What do you bet?" " I bet two dollars." "OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty." "I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five." "See your twenty-five...and...uh," "Monica, get my purse." "Rachel, there's nothing in it." "OK, then get me your purse." "OK, here you go." "Good luck." "Thank you." "I saw your twenty-five, and I raise you... seven." "...teen!" "Joey, I'm a little shy." "That's OK, Ross, you can ask me." "What?" "What do you need, what do you need?" "Fifteen." " Alright, here's ten." " Here, I got five, I got five." " Thank you." " Good luck." "OK, I am calling your seventeen." "What do you got?" "Full house." "You got me." " Ahhh, that's alright." "Y'know, that's a tough hand to beat." " I thought we had them!" "Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know." "But, uh..." "look how happy she is." "Airplane!" "Airport!" "Airport '75!" "Airport '77!" "Airport '79!" " Oh, time's up." " Bye... bye..." "BIRDIE." "That's a bird?" "That's a BIRD!" "OK, OK, it's my turn." "Go." "Uh.... bean!" "Bean!" " The Unbearable Likeness of Being!" " Yes!" "That, you get?" "That, you get?"