"Previously on Nip / Tuck..." "I don't think it would be appropriate for you to work for us, Monica." "The thing is, Sean, some men can't handle temptation." "Marry me again, Julia." "Sean, what are you doing?" "And some men can." "Burt can't find out about this." "He won't." "Christian, have you ever considered the possibility that you're in love with your partner?" "Great spot, huh?" "I feel a little exposed out here, don't you?" "We're miles from home, Sean." "Nobody knows who we are, and nobody's gonna judge." "It's safe, I promise." "Great." "Now let's go find ourselves a chaise." "This is so perfect." "We got the sun, we got the pool." "We got each other." "It's so hot." "And why does everyone here look like they're covered in Crisco?" "Don't they know they're all gonna get skin cancer?" "I know it's hard, Sean." "Studies show that coming out late in life is the psychological equivalent of dealing with a death." "That's why I'm here to help you adjust." "And we're gonna start by waxing this chest hair off." "No wonder you're broiling." "It's like you're wearing a sweater." "I like my hair, Christian." "And I like bathing suits that come down to my knees." "This lifestyle isn't for me." "I'm sorry." "Hey, gorgeous." "Do you wanna play?" "Sean?" "Sean?" "Honey, what are you doing in the closet?" "I have a family, Christian." "I can't do this anymore." "Well, can you at least come out so we can talk about it?" "Fine." "If you won't come out, I'm coming in." "I think we can save him." "Hand me the bowl." "What do you think?" "Definitely more gay." "Shit." "We're losing him." "Stand back." "Clear." "He needs CPR, Christian." "The kiss of life." " Another bad dream?" " Yeah." "Real change takes time." "Long as we have each other, right?" "Yeah." "Saturday night, yes, 6:00." "My wife and I are celebrating our second honeymoon." "Great." "Thank you very much." "We're set." "I got us a suite at the Four Seasons with dinner and an in-room couples massage." "Better than the first honeymoon we spent at my parents' house, huh?" " Oh, I remember having fun." " Oh, yeah." "I remember having to put our faces in a pillow every time we had sex so we wouldn't make noise." "This time, you and I can make all the noise we want." "You don't think we're being bad parents, do you?" "Leaving Conor for an overnight so soon?" "I mean, we didn't leave Matt and Annie till they were what, two?" "It's just one night." "And we've got great help, remember?" "Julia, do you have any Pepto-Bismol?" "Like, immediately." " For Conor?" " No." "No, no, no, he's fine." "It's for me." "I think it was the sushi I had last night." "Bad unagi." "Did you throw up?" "No, that's not exactly where it's coming out of right now." "I can write you a scrip for Compazine if you want." "No, I'm sure I'll be fine." "I hope it's nothing serious." "First day back." "How you feeling?" "Pain's still there." "Plus, I have to tinkle every 10 minutes." "Other than that, I feel I'm gonna die at an early age." "You wait." "The one kidney'll pick up all the slack." "In a couple of weeks, you'll go right back to normal." "Is that the Village People?" "I thought you'd recognize it." "I've been replacing all my old college records with CDs lately." " I forgot how much fun these guys were." " We're not in college anymore, Sean." "And this is my operating room, too." "I need music that I can work with." "I hear that extends to who you can work with, as well." "I understand you brought Michelle in here the other day to assist in a surgery." "What the hell were you doing?" "We all thought it." "He can say it." "She wanted to observe." "She's been through medical school, spent some time in the OR." "The patient was never in any danger." "But we are now because you can't keep your dick in your pants." "I know you're sleeping with her, and it has to stop, Christian." "When you came to me with the story about the naughty little nanny that you banged, did I tell you what to do?" "That was just between us." "If I'm supportive of your affairs, Sean, you can't have a say in mine." "Well, if screwing the boss means that we can all get fired, you're damn right I have a say." "I happen to have very strong feelings for Michelle." "You might want to keep those to yourself." "Why?" "You got a problem with it now, too?" "No, I don't." "But he might." "I'm in the middle of surgery, Burt, so whatever this is about..." "Believe me, it can wait." "Why are you wearing a coat?" "You don't have a gun under there, do you?" "Yes." "And it's loaded." "Is that..." "What is that?" "It's a penis pump." "I ordered it online to help me get it up." "It came this morning, I put it on and look." "Congratulations." "It works." "No shit." "I wouldn't be here if it didn't." "The problem is, it won't come off." "What do you want me to do?" "Well, you're my doctor." "Why do you think I'm here?" "Get it off me." "I don't think you need a doctor, Burt." "Just pull." "Don't you think I tried that?" "My goddamn arthritis won't even let me get a grip on it." "Take a seat." "The blood's probably stagnant, so it can't re-circulate." "You're lucky you didn't burst a blood vessel." "Why didn't you ask your wife to help?" "And let her see me like this?" "It's bad enough having fake gonads, now I gotta tell her I need a bicycle pump to get it on?" "Put this on your gonads." "Take two of these." "Ice will help the swelling go down and Sudafed will thin out the blood." "Just try and relax." "My first wife, she was hot as a pistol." "We used to hump like rabbits every time we could get a chance." "We were married nearly 20 years." "And then she got leukemia and passed on." "And I never thought I'd find another one like her." "God." "And then along came Michelle." "What a gift, huh?" "For the first time in my life, all I wanna do is please her, not just myself." "I never felt like that before." "I think it's working." "Good." "Well, that's different." "It might take a while for the erection to go away completely." "Really?" "How long you think it could last?" "I'm sure your wife is busy." "Trust me, she won't mind." "Honey, have I got a surprise for you." "Thanks for all your help." "Hello, Christian." "I hope this isn't a bad time." "I wanted to come by and thank you." "Well, it was good for me, too, Doctor, but you could've just left a message on my machine." "That's why I wanted to see you in person." "The sex was not good for me at all." "I'm a diagnosed sexual compulsive." "Sex with strangers has been an issue ever since my cousin molested me when I was 12." "I've been in therapy for years." "I thought I had it under control, but clearly I don't." "And now you wanna thank me for helping you fall off the wagon?" "I wanna thank you for helping me realize I still have a problem." "And actually, I was hoping that you would do me a favor." "Wow, you really do have a problem, don't you, Doctor?" "Who's Marco?" "Someone I had a relationship with five years ago." "We met after I answered his want ad for a submissive." "He gave me the tattoo so when he watched me have sex with other men, they'd know who I really belonged to." "Marco was a romantic." "Marco was the low point of my life, I think." "Until I had sex with you in my office." "I don't remember seeing that when I was holding on back there." "I cover it every day with makeup." "I've had so much shame surrounding it" "I haven't even been able to bring myself to show it to a doctor so that I can have it taken off." "And yet here you are." "I spend months, sometimes years with people trying to change their behavior in therapy." "God knows I thought I'd changed." "But the truth is nothing ever really happens unless you take action in your life." "And I was hoping that you would help me do that." "How's tomorrow sound?" "Jules?" "I got Chinese for dinner." "Did you get enough for three?" "Sean, you remember Monica?" "Hello, Dr. McNamara." "Hello, Monica." "Guess what I found out this morning?" "Marlowe has a stomach virus." "He threw up all over the house." "I took him to the emergency room, and the doctor said that he can't be around Conor for a week." " That's terrible." " Which meant no nanny." "So I called Monica to see if she could refer someone, and she said that she was still in town and she'd be happy to fill in." "Really?" "I thought this way, if it works out, then we don't have to cancel the honeymoon." "Oh, he just woke up." "I'll get him." "What the hell are you trying to do?" "Nothing." "She called me." "She sounded so desperate." "I wanted to help." "Well, you're not gonna stay in this house and take care of my son." "Well, if I say no now, wouldn't she get suspicious?" "How could you even say yes in the first place?" "I needed the money." "I haven't found any work yet." "Look, don't worry." "I will be completely professional this week." "Our secret is safe." "Haven't you learned you can trust me yet?" "Oh, he is so handsome." "He's a little cranky when he first gets up." " Can I hold him?" " Sure." "Hi, there." "I think he likes you." "What a relief I found her, huh?" "Isn't your partner going to join us?" "I was hoping to meet him." "Sean and I do a lot more solo surgeries these days." "Is that a recent decision?" "Ever since our first session." "So I take it you told Sean about your feelings for him, then." "The answer to your question is no." "I didn't tell him what we talked about." "I'm not gay, so it's not an issue." "It sounds like you're conflicted about something." "I had a dream the other night." "Sean and I were lovers." "I said something, he freaked out and hid in the closet." "I went in after him and wound up in surgery, and there he was on the table." "Next thing I know, he's dead." "But then I wake up, and he's in bed next to me." "In the dream, not in reality." "Just because we have dreams where we can fly doesn't make us Superman, Christian." "There was another person in the dream, a woman." "Someone you care about, perhaps?" "Yes." "And you've been intimate with this person?" "Definitely." "I really like this person, but it's a relationship I need to keep secret." "It seems like your desire to be with this woman is being expressed through your dream about Sean." "So you're saying if I'm dreaming about spending my life with Sean," "I really wanna spend my life with her?" "If you really want to ease your anxiety about all this, you need to confront the woman you care about." "Tell her how you really feel." "There you are." "I've been waiting for you to come out of surgery." "Ran a little longer than I thought." "Feels like we haven't seen each other in days." "We need some time together." "Well, you're in luck." "My 10:00 a. m. consult just rescheduled." "I know." "I'm the one who asked them to come later." "I thought you could make me come now, instead." "Sorry." "I'm not interested in sloppy seconds anymore." "Burt hasn't been able to have sex with me in almost six months, Christian." "Yesterday in your office?" "He tried." "But things went soft pretty fast." "And now you want me to be your stand-in dick." "You're not just a stand-in, Christian." "You know that." "No, I'm literally someone you need to lock in a room just so you can have an orgasm." "I can't keep giving you just a part of me anymore, and not all of me." "What are you saying?" "I'm saying I know you're never gonna leave Burt." "And that's probably for the best." "If he did find out about us, we'd lose the practice," "I'd lose my partner, and we'd lose each other anyway." "It's over." "You're right." "We probably should've stopped this a long time ago." "I'm sorry." "You're not sorry." "You got exactly what you wanted." "You're still married, you're still rich, you still got to screw the good-looking hotshot surgeon." "I'm sure you'll move on to someone else now." "You think it's that easy for me?" "That I had it all planned out like this?" "I'm the one who's trapped now, not you." "Next time you decide to reschedule a client, check with me first." "Just a sec." "Oh, my God, I am so glad you're here." "I was just thinking I could use a doctor." "What are you doing?" "Something I've always wanted to do." "Pierce my bellybutton." "You wanna do the honors?" "No." "I really shouldn't stay." "I couldn't say anything earlier 'cause Julia was there, but after having time to sleep on it I just don't think that..." "Wait, you're going to hurt yourself." "You have to sterilize the area first." "I guess you've done this before?" "Needle." "The key is to do this as fast as possible." "Do you have the ring?" "Yep." "Close your eyes." "Are you kidding?" "I finally get to watch you work." "I didn't even feel it." "Next time you won't need my help." "You're paying me in advance?" "It's more like a severance." "You don't have to pay me off, Sean." "I'm a big girl." "I can take care of myself." "I heard what you said about not finding work and needing money." "And you've been very kind, considering the circumstances." "I should get going." "It's amazing." "There's not a trace of it anywhere." "Think of all the money you'll save on makeup." "I wanna thank you for all your help." "No, thank you." "I took your advice the other day." "The woman in my dream?" "Called it off." "She was married." "And that complicated more than just my personal life." "She and her husband own our business." "That's great." "Then why do you look like I just killed your dog?" "I thought..." "Never mind what I thought." "No, no, no, no." "You're my patient now." "Tell me." "I thought the woman you were talking about was me." "Silly, right?" "Yeah, I know." "My radar was off." "I overanalyzed." "But it's something shrinks do." "But thank you for everything and good luck." "Great." "Jules?" "Honey?" "Oh, it's okay, I got him." "Julia was right." "He gets so fussy when he wakes up." "I think he might be teething." "Oh, it's okay." "I got him." "Where's Julia?" "She's at her Pilates class." "Guess she's still trying to lose some of that baby weight." "Not that she has a stomach you'd want to see a bellybutton ring on now." "Give me my son." "He just calmed down." "I thought no one was home, and he just kept reaching for it, and I didn't want him to cry." "I'm not that insensitive." "No!" "Hand me my son and leave, or I'm calling the police." "And I'll have to tell them about the affair." "Julia will find out." "Your marriage is over." "Then who do you think is really gonna suffer?" "Conor." "I'm the only one who's doing what's best for your baby, not you." "Get the hell out." "Now!" "You took advantage of me, Sean." "And Julia needs to know about that." "You can quit it with the silent treatment, Sean." "I gave Michelle the big speech." "It's over." "We're not gonna lose our jobs." "She's breastfeeding him." "Julia?" "What's so special about that?" "Monica." "I came home yesterday and caught her with her breast in my son's mouth." "What the hell was she doing in your house, anyway?" "I thought you fired her." "And Julia rehired her to watch Conor while Marlowe's out sick." "I kicked her out, now she's threatening to tell Julia." "Let her." "She might as well cop to the Kennedy assassination while she's at it." "Tell Julia about the psychotic breastfeeding, and she won't believe a word Monica says." "That girl is clearly a nut job." "You realize between the two of us, we've almost ruined a marriage and a business by screwing the wrong women this month." "What the hell is our problem?" "She only said that to worry you, Sean." "She's not gonna tell Julia." "You think my shit don't stink, Sean?" "What are you talking about?" "My shit." "It don't stink, right?" "I mean, you gotta believe that if you think Monica ain't gonna tell your wife about you banging her." "And you know what Julia's really gonna do when she finds out, right?" "You're never gonna have any peace as long as this bitch is in the picture." "What am I supposed to do?" "Kill her." "What are you doing here?" "Burt called." "Something about not feeling well." "He said it was an emergency." "Yeah, he asked me to come home, too." "He said he wasn't feeling well." "Is that Dr. Troy I hear?" "Come into the library." "There's something I want to show you." "A little token of my appreciation." "Well, open 'em up." "What is this?" "Well, I thought you might want to wear them the next time you two have sex." "I smelled it on you, honey." "Burt, I am so sorry." "I gave you the world, and this is how you repay me?" "The same goes for you." "You should know it's over between us." "Oh?" "Well, what if I don't want it to be?" "I wish I could be the lover I was 30 years ago with you, Michelle, but I can't." "You know, the most beautiful thing in the world I've ever seen is that glow you get after you've had an orgasm." "And I wanna see that again." "And you're the one that can give it to her now." "No, Burt, I can't." "I won't." "Don't worry, honey." "I'm gonna be there when it happens." "I think it's only fair that I get to watch." "Don't you?" "Watch?" "What makes you think either of us would agree to let you do that?" "Well, I think I'm being very generous here." "I'm not interested in being your hired stud." "You wanna be generous, then let her go." " Christian..." " No, no." "It's the right thing to do." "If you want her to be happy, let her be with me, instead of some freak show of a marriage." "This is about more than sex." "Do you love him?" "Yes." "Burt, please." "You're making this more difficult." "No, it's you two that's making it difficult." "I'm just trying to make the most of a shitty situation." "Michelle has suffered enough." "There's no need to be so cruel." "Oh, cruel?" "You want cruel?" "All right." "First, I sell the business." "And then, after I've sued you for negligence, you'll be lucky to find a job as a veterinarian in some shithole South American village." "And when I'm done dragging you over the coals in a divorce court, you'll go back to your gutter where I found you." "Go ahead." "I'm not gonna be your whore." "I swear on these fake balls of mine, that I will ruin you both before I give my blessing so you can run away and play happy-ever-after." "I'll give you 24 hours, and you can give me an answer." "I took your advice." "I..." "I confronted them." "I made the offer." "And?" "And I feel like shit." "Did I really do the right thing?" "You don't know if they're gonna follow through with it yet." "But even making the offer, it almost killed me." "Burt, you've been through a lot this year." "The cancer, losing your ability to function as a sexual person, discovering the affair." "Getting your power back is what these intensive sessions over the past couple of days have been about." "I hope you're not losing faith." "I just don't want to lose Michelle." "Then trust me." "Do you always reach out to the McNamara/Troy patients?" "I mean, offer counseling, that sort of thing?" "I've been on retainer with the company for the past two years." "I call all the patients during the recuperation phase, check on depression levels, body dysmorphia issues post-surgery, that sort of thing." "Of course, based on the personal complications in your case," "I just want to reiterate that I hope our sessions remain confidential." "Of course." "Of course." "I didn't think you'd come by my house again, so this time I came to you." "Leave." "I don't want you near me." "But it's infected now." "I need your help." "Your navel looks fine." "Put your shirt back on." "It's not my navel that's infected, Sean." "It's my nipple." "Every time Conor latches on to me, he doesn't want to let go now." "I wouldn't have this problem if your wife was giving him enough attention." "I told you this bitch was crazy, Sean." "Do you really think telling Julia's gonna make her go away now?" "Sean?" "Can you fix it?" "I think it's time that you got rid of her once and for all." "What do you say?" "Lie down on the table." "Can I ask you something?" "If we were ever to have a baby, would you want me to breastfeed, or would you worry that they'd lose their shape when I got older?" "Oh, and just so you know," "I'm completely open to having a boob job after our kids are born." "If that's what you'd want." " Do it." "Slit her throat." " No." "Okay, cut her wrists then." "Let her bleed out." "It'll look like a suicide." "What do you need a scalpel for?" "Sean, this is better." "Put her under, pump her full of tranquilizer." "Then dump the body in the Everglades." "You've done it before." "I don't need surgery, do I, Sean?" "Just try and relax." "Haven't..." "Haven't you learned you can trust me yet?" "Sean, do it." "Do it and get your marriage back, your family." "You don't need surgery, Monica." "You need psychiatric help." "Get up, get dressed, come on." "What are you talking about?" "I'm going to call a psychiatrist, and we are going to get you some real help." "You're delusional and I'm worried you're endangering my family." "Delusional?" "I've been doing my job." "No, you're the one who needs help, Sean." "You took advantage of me, you tried to take away my job, and now you're kicking me out of your office when I'm clearly in pain." "Maybe you'll learn your lesson after I go to the police and tell them you raped me." "If you didn't want me to take care of your son, you shouldn't have screwed me like your wife." "You better go after her, Sean." "Quickly." "Monica, wait." "You're being irrational." "Let's talk about this." "You should worry more about what Julia's gonna say when I go to the police and tell them what you did..." "I didn't see her, I swear." "Is she alive?" "No." "Don't worry, Sean." "She probably didn't feel a thing." "It's okay." "No." "No kisses." "No kisses." "Only she and I did that." "Find some other way to warm her up." "All right, show me what he likes." "Okay, okay, okay." "Get on with it." "Stay with me." "Stay with me." "It just seems so unlike her." "I mean, I didn't even get a call back, and I left three messages." "Monica never gave you a hint that she was going to stand us up?" "Me?" "No." "I just feel so bad, you know?" "You'd gone to all the trouble to plan this second honeymoon." "We'll get another chance." "You never know, Sean." "You know, life is full of surprises." "Just ask Monica." "Maybe this is all we need, some time alone, a chance to reconnect." "I have really missed you, you know?" "Honey, what's wrong?" "Nothing." "I've missed you, too." "To us." "To us." "To us." "How's it look?" "Great." "I think he'll like it." "Oh, I'm sure he will." "English"