"it was really great seeing you." "but the food gives Sharon diarrhea." "What!" "Just trying to leave without being rude." "Hold on just a second." "I got a present for my grandson." "Billy." "You've grown up." "It's time for you to have something expensive and flashy to impress all the ladies." "Go ahead and open it." "a bolo tie!" "Isn't that beautiful? with turquoise and real diamonds." "How much did you spend on that?" "000." "000?" "000." "The JG Shopping Network said so." "You shouldn't spend your retirement money on frivolous things." "You should save it for when you die." "That's our money." "It's gorgeous." "Thank you." "Tomorrow's picture day at school." "Stan can wear it for his photos." "That's wonderful!" "That will make me feel really good." "Who's Stan?" "Nice bolo tie." "right now." "It's cool you have one." "It was a gift from my grandpa." "It cost a lot of money." "it's badass." "000." "dude." "It's a recreation of the bolo tie worn by King Henry V." "It's fucking gay as fuck." "I know." "I really wish my grandpa would just give me the money." "Take it to one of those pawn places." "you see a sign saying "cash for gold and jewelry." "A lot of people are doing it." "did you?" "My grandpa gave it to me as a present." "It's worth so much I feel bad accepting it." "I want the cash." "diamond and turquoise..." "I'll give you $15." "000." "Those are real diamonds." "I can't make anything on the diamonds." "have it all smelter down for the gold." "Could make a $10 profit." "Fifteen bucks?" "He's trying to rook us." "Let's go elsewhere." "I'm not getting taken advantage of." "sir." "there's gotta be another Cash for Gold place here." "Here's one." "right?" "You can test them." "$8." "This is the same bolo tie worn by King Henry V!" "$9." "Welcome to Taco Bell." "Would you like to try our Doritos Locos Tacos?" "turquoise and diamond bolo?" "14-carat gold." "got about... four grams here." "It's not really worth my time." "I guess I can give you a 6-Layer Burrito for it." "A 6-Layer Burrito?" "You guys don't even make a 6-Layer Burrito!" "but that's as high as I'm going!" "000 for something barely worth anything." "How does something like this happen?" "we are... 268)}halfway complete with today's broadcast." "call now." "268)}Next item is... 268)}this is item number 45-78111." "268)}Look at these stunning earrings." "268)}These are genuine faux sapphire earrings." "86-carat faux sapphire." "268)}Faux is French." "but you don't pronounce it." "268)}How do you like that for prestigious?" "268)}These earrings normally go for $6 million." "268)}We're selling these today for... 268)}$320." "268)}That's a steal." "The phones are lighting up." "268)}I believe we have a sale." "Do we?" "268)}Let's get her on the line." "Who am I speaking with?" "268)}My name is Vivian." "sweetheart?" "268)}I can't remember." "268)}Can you remember your credit card number?" "268)}3715... we'll get you on with a rep." "268)}Thanks for shopping with us." "268)}Congratulations on the 14-carat faux sapphire earrings." "you practically stole them from us." "that's terrible!" "I've been watching all day." "But how do they get away with that?" "a new era of science only the smartest can comprehend." "What?" "alchemists have tried to come up with the formula to make gold. the chemical equation is right before our eyes." "That's the chemical equation for gold?" "Right. added to a cable-based shopping network divided by demented old people equals gold." "tell Cartman to shut up." "fucking asshole." "I'm an asshole for doing math?" "my gosh!" "Can you believe this?" "000 topaz and copper ring 000 bucks." "sir?" "Billy." "Grandpa?" "folks?" "That is Brazilian emerald." "268)}Finest emerald available." "268)}We're letting this go" "EZ Pay." "268)}We call it that to save you time." "268)}EZ is an a abbreviation of easy." "495 EZ Pay." "What?" "I got word we're dropping 268)}the Z from EZ Pay." "268)}It's now just E Pay. 268)}we're saving you a second of time." "And those add up." "Go ahead and try it." "000 times." "9 hours 268)}we just saved you on JG Shopping Network." "Not wasting your time here." "You can't afford not to buy this one." "literally." "Pass this to your kids and grandkids." "Show them your life had meaning." "Grandpa?" "Did you see that?" "An emerald on 14-carat gold." "Don't you think your sister would like that?" "She doesn't like jewelry." "She will one day." "She will appreciate it." "She's just a baby after all." "She's not a baby." "She's 13." "Shelley's 13?" "Right." "boy." "Did I ever tell you I used to have a border collie named Patches?" "grandpa." "I loved that dog." "She always made me so happy." "I thought I'd always have the memory of her slobbering happy face." "I can't remember what she looked like." "I'm gonna take care of this." "what's going on?" "I bet your mom has old jewelry she wouldn't notice missing." "you have rhinestones." "How about walking cash?" "I could probably... my arm's hurt." "this is a business!" "How much will you give me for this?" "Three bucks." "We got crappy jewelry." "all we need are some old people." "268)}We've just sold this bracelet to Ms. Marsha Tubbs." "thank you for your call." "268)}You just got yourself a heck of a deal on this one." "268)}You there?" "268)}I'm lost." "268)}I'm lost walking on the freeway." "you're lost walking on a freeway." "268)}Enjoy the Tiger's Eye Aquamarine Bracelet." "268)}What should we do next?" "268)}Here's a good 'un." "268)}Let me set stage for you here." "268)}You're going to that senior's cocktail party." "268)}It's Bingo night." "You're looking for something to wear." "268)}How about a 13-carat panzotopanzanite ring?" "268)}We got a caller already on this one." "268)}You must be a fan of panzotopanzanite." "268)}You should kill yourself." "268)}– What's that?" "– I said you should kill yourself." "268)}What you do is unjustifiable." "268)}And you know it's unjustifiable." "268)}And you don't care." "268)}You're the definition of evil." "268)}Kill yourself." "795." "268)}How's that?" "268)}I read that shopping networks make most of their money 268)}on the day seniors pick up social security checks." "268)}Kill yourself." "268)}You shouldn't say things like that." "268)}A host of a jewelry channel may do it." "You'd feel really bad." "you would." "I really want you to kill yourself." "268)}How about this." "268)}If a jewelry network host goes home tonight you might be liable." "268)}That's a lawsuit worth... 268)}$2.7 million." "How does that sound?" "268)}I don't care what happens to me." "I care about my grandfather." "268)}You morally empty corrupted maggot." "939... 268)}It doesn't matter what price you put on anything." "268)}Your only chance to right the wrongs you've done 268)}and repay all the elderly people whose lives you've destroyed" "268)}is to kill yourself." "268)}You think it's funny... 268)}Telling someone to kill themselves." "That's not a joke." "268)}I'm not joking." "268)}Do it." "Next item." "Next item we're gonna do is 55-2167755." "you guys." "This is 200-carat Brazilian emerald and plasticine ring." "I'll start the biding for this ring at... $8 billion." "opening bid." "We've got to sell this ring today." "I'll take it down a little." "We'll drop that price to... $75.95." "Butters?" "Did we sell it?" "that's what the ring sold for." "Do we have the buyer on the line?" "Mrs.?" "This is Mrs. Applebee on 24 Palmark Lane." "Can I ask you something?" "Do you like fucking little boys?" "I'm sorry?" "Do you fuck kids all the time?" "That's what you did with this deal." "You got an $8-billion ring for $79.95." "You fucked me good." "Congratulations." "I'd like to fuck him"?" "Jessica." "She's captain of the debate team at Jefferson high school." "I got to go get the taste of old-lady dick out of my mouth." "Goodbye." "That's good acting." "I should get an award." "Do you have any idea what it'd feel like to start losing your memories?" "You don't have someone in your life suffering from Alzheimer's." "I do!" "you're talking to the wrong people." "All we do is smelter down what we get from the Cash for Gold places." "Whoever smelt it dealt it." "We aren't the ones who denied you what your jewelry was really worth." "The Hindu saying is actually... 273)}– What does that mean?" "– "Whoever denied it supplied it." "You are the scums of the earth. and you kickback in your mansions making billions." "We aren't making that much." "273)}– You're not?" "– Yell at who melt the gold down." "The old Hindu saying is "whoever smelt it dealt it." "It's "whoever denied it supplied it." "You got it all wrong." "The jewelry that those networks sell don't even come from us." "where those Hindu rhymes come from." "Gustov?" "Do you mean..." "That's right." "Whoever made the rhyme did the crime." "Suck my balls" "Welcome." "Welcome to discount jewelry store. so I'd like to buy some of yours." "You do so good business." "You so clever." "I get by." "bracelets and earrings." "What you like?" "there." "You make so good choice." "it's beautiful." "And maybe I'll take that one for $300." "That's best one." "You so clever." "You take advantage my low prices." "How about that tanzanite bracelet for $995?" "You got good eye." "You so clever." "I getting taken advantage." "You like fuck Asian lady?" "273)}– What you say?" "– I know." "There's nice Asian lady." "I think I go in and I fuck her." "You Asian-lady fucker you." "Wait a minute." "How much do you pay for this stuff?" "I pay thousands." "And you come here and fuck me." "Quit the act." "I'm not fucking you." "273)}– You fuck me." "– You fuck me!" "Fuck you!" "My balls" "Suck 'em dry" "Sorry." "I'm looking to cut out the middle man." "I want to buy my jewelry direct from you..." "Motherfuckers!" "You should be ashamed of the Americans that you're exploiting." "How dare you take advantage of those less fortunate?" "You dirty double-crossing assholes!" "You try to cut me out?" "then try to fuck me." "Sorry." "Then try to fuck me out of your business." "they're fucking Stan's grandpa." "They're getting fucked by Asians ladies." "and somebody needs to pay." "All I want is a goddamn retribution for my goddamn grandpa." "Not a diamond and gold necklace!" "What's he doing?" "this might kind of work." "I guess." "Never been there." "denied it and rhymed it actually dealt it." "273)}– Sounds like you had a fun weekend." "– I guess so." "I wanted to give you something." "For me?" "My God." "There she is." "Ol' Patches." "There's that slobbering happy face." "Thank you." "That means a lot." "That bolo tie you're wearing?" "but it's fucking gay as fuck." "I won't wear it anymore." "That's a good idea." "these are not average peridot craponite earrings." "268)}These are 18-carat gold." "268)}And we got..." "Do we have a buyer?" "268)}What are you waiting for?" "Kill yourself." "goddamn it." "We got another comedian. 268)}everybody wants to call and tell me I should kill myself." "268)}He was right." "Do it." "this an 800 number. 268)}it's costing us" "268)}two dollars and thirty-six cents." "how about a caller who wants to buy jewelry?" "sir?" "aren't you?" "268)}You don't have the balls." "I'm not scared to do it." "268)}You're scared." "268)}You got lady balls." "268)}Hello." "268)}I'm calling about the peridot earrings." "ma'am." "268)}They'd look good on your dead body." "268)}Why don't you kill yourself?" "that's that." "268)}That third's... 268)}the straw that broke the camel's back." "268)}I got a gun right here." "What do you think about that?" "268)}Put it against your temple and pull the trigger."