"Another morning... waiting for the run-down school bus to take me to the run-down school." "But {\*today is the day }I finally have the guts to do what I should have done a long time ago." "Nobody notices what I have in my front pocket." "A little surprise for them all." "will I have the guts to go through with it?" "You're damn right I will." "Kyle?" "They're all gonna pay." "it's going to be the last time." "won't we?" "We'll find out today at recess." "– I'm not suspended no more!" "– Good for you." "no!" "– Who's taking the shit?" "– Occupied!" "Craig!" "You can't call dibs on a toilet." "Son of a bitch!" "I cannot go another lunch break without my toilet time!" "fatass!" "}That does it!" "and I'm not taking it any longer!" "You all pushed me to this!" "– What {\*the hell }do you think you're doing?" "– I'm going to the potty." "This is the girls' bathroom!" "Wendy}." "I'm transginger." "{\*Did you notice}Noticed the bow?" "so }I'm exercising my right to identify with the gender of my choice." "{\*Now }Get out of my way." "I have to take a shit." "Get out of here!" "Wendy}." "This is nice in here." "The girls' bathroom is a lot cleaner than the boys'." "– What the hell is that?" "– Cartman is using our bathroom!" "this is awesome!" "}I should have used the girls' bathroom a long time ago!" "I'm gonna tell on you!" "Red. }I can take a shit here." "I'm a dumb chick too." "{\*I want to know just }What makes you think it's OK to go inside the girls' bathroom?" "Because I'm transginger.{\* I looked it up.} That means I can use the girls' shitter." "Eric}." "You don't even know what that means." "but I'm really a girl. you must find yourself attracted to boys.{\* Is that right?" "}" "That's actually not true." "{\*I can be transginger without it having}It doesn't have anything to do with the ginger I'm attracted to." "Check the state bylaws." "Eric." "– Erica." "Eric." "You must know why we can't have you in the girls' bathroom." "{\*All I know is I'm transginger and }You can't make me go to the bathroom with the cisgingers." "With the what?" "Cisgender." "It's the politically correct name for people who aren't transgender." "{\*then }you're cis." "But then cisgender is just normal." "Saying "normal" is extremely offensive to people who aren't in that group." "Trust me." "You don't want this hot potato." "Just let him use the girls' room." "confused child{\* we're talking about}." "This is Eric Cartman." "Nobody else is gonna know that." "You better just give him what he wants." "So Eric Cartman just has us in some kind of bathroom checkmate?" "Actually... it's more like a royal flush." "Gerald Broflovski?" "Spin magazine." "I was hoping you could help me make sense of something." "was it?" "{\*That's right. }My son and his friends threw a party for a kid with diabetes." "I also understand that {\*the very famous pop artist }Lorde was the entertainment at that party." "The kids were pretty excited." "you know?" "top-20 artist would play such a... but such a humble venue." "{\*Sorry. }I don't think I get your... }We deal with a lot of fake stories at Spin." "We're just wondering how the boys got someone like Lorde to play." "}She's the niece of someone's co-worker here in town or something." "You wouldn't know who?" "Does it really matter?" "Lorde is an incredibly talented and down-to-earth young lady." "It would be a shame if someone was... having fun at her expense." "– Whose are these?" "– I don't know." "Why?" "Why?" "Because there's fishnet stockings inside your jeans!" "In my jeans?" "I do." "{\*Come on!" "}You've been in there for 20 minutes!" "Recess is almost over!" "gals}." "Go ahead." "my God. }You guys are so cisgender." "but you can {\*just }suck my clit and my balls." "and all you're doing is}... you guys." "You know what?" "That's what!" "Suck my clit and balls." "I believe we have a solution to this little problem." "principal Victoria}." "The cisgenders have the problem. we are going to clear out the janitor's closet and remodel it... into a private bathroom just for you!" "Excuse me?" "Are you talking about... executive bathroom?" "Would that be agreeable to you?" "my God!" "– That isn't fair!" "Wendy}!" "Cisginger bitch!" "being forced into my {\*own }isolated bathroom will {\*probably }be {\*somewhat }traumatic for me." "I might have to approve certain aspects of this solitary location." "} get the sound of running water and {\*kind of }zen it out." "}Why {\*don't you put the water feature}not on this side?" "– On that side? big piece of art on this wall." "yeah}." "listen." "I don't know if I can keep doing this." "My wife is starting to suspect something." "I had to tell her I just like the way fishnets feel!" "} but you can't leave us hanging." "and it's worth a lot to us." "You think {\*you're gonna}you'll get a good product when I can't even think? and everything turned out to be OK?" "Every time?" "Every time." "Come on." "Get back to work and see." "call me." "I will." "Ron." "Lorde?" "humble." "Wrong." "She's a 45-year-old man living in Colorado." "sends us the demos." "sell him as a brooding 17-year-old girl way ahead of her time." "Nobody knows the difference." "Holy shit." "He makes good stuff." "Stuff that sells." "But he's getting itchy feet." "I want you to keep an eye on him." "well}... you know what to do." "I am Lorde" "I am..." "I am Lorde" "{\*I }Thought you were at the grocery store." "I was." "Can you help me unload the car?" "Help me unload the car." "Help me unload the car" "Unload..." "Sorry." "Coming." "– What is that?" "– {\*That's }Cartman's new transgender bathroom." "{\*Cartman's}He's a girl now?" "He's not a woman." "He's not a man." "He's something {\*that you'll never}you can't understand." "But he would die for me." "{\*Is it done?" "}It's all ready?" "please}." "I gotta go." "This is gonna be so awesome." "Lock." "Privacy." "This is gonna feel so good." "Perfect." "}You're gonna take it." "toilet." "Nobody can hear you scream." "}You're gonna open wide." "You're gonna take your punishment!" "That's right!" "Get ready!" "you guys!" "It's just like at home." "Peter Nelson?" "Spin magazine." "I understand you work at the US Geological Survey?" "that's right." "I also understand that you're the uncle of the amazing and talented songwriter Lorde?" "look." "I'm not her uncle." "OK?" "Work with her?" "How?" "I like Lorde." "She's really nice and really talented." "But she lives a double life." "– How's that?" "– Lorde isn't just a singer." "She's also a very talented scientist {\*who specializes}specialized in fluvial geomorphology." "A what? started filling in for a guy who started working part-time." "She's a good geologist." "} usually right after lunch." "Heard you're transgender." "You know what Hillary says." "You can suck my Clinton balls!" "I--} guys." "How's it hanging?" "is that..." "– Holy Moly!" "dude?" "– Do you mind?" "This is occupied!" "– It's cool." "I'll wait." "this is my fucking bathroom!" "I want her suspended and {\*I want charges brought up}charged for sexual harassment!" "and she's not comfortable..." "Wendyl"?" "Fucking "Wendyl"?" "Wendy}!" "Eric}." "Why can't you understand that?" "Because I don't want a chick watching me go poo!" "Aren't you a chick?" "{\*I thought you were a chick.}" "but I'm still a boy!" "I can't share a bathroom with a girl that identifies herself as a dude!" "{\*You can't make me share a bathroom with a girl that identifies herself as a fucking dude!" "}" "and those are my Christmas lights!" "You need to put a tighter leash on your dog!" "Do you know your girlfriend's {\*going around }telling everyone that you're gay?" "but she's dating you!" "}" "So what does that make you?" "A girl!" "Stan's a girl!" "Stan!" "}You better curb your dog before people start ripping on you!" "}That's enough time on your phone." "Dad}!" "Stop nagging me all the time!" "You know we're all cutting down on phone time." "Don't limit me!" "You don't even understand me!" "I don't understand you at all." "Lot you know." "Dad." "I need to talk to you." "Really?" "About what?" "Is it possible {\*for someone }to be one way on the outside but totally different on the inside?" "}Can someone identify as one sex but be something else but still have it be nothing about sex?" "I am Lorde." "It started off so simple." "Hansen." "you know?" "but he was in there all the time!" "I finally got fed up." "I pretended to be a woman." "I called myself Lorde." "Stan}?" "and there's enough stalls for everyone." "It was so freeing." "and {\*then }I started writing things down." "But you said you knew a guy at work who is Lorde's uncle." "That's my cover." "The chick that wrote the theme song to the new Hunger Games movie is you?" "The record company messed it all up." "It was supposed to go..." "Hunger Games" "But they just do what they want with my songs." "Lorde sounds like a girl." "Auto-Tune." "You want to see how I do it?" "I come up with all my best stuff in the bathroom at work." "I use this program to import the recordings I make on my phone." "Feeling good on a Wednesday" "Sparkling thoughts" "Give me the hope to go on" "What I need now is a little bit of shelter" "Lorde's music is actually really good." "But it gets even better when I add the drum loops." "I can actually quantize everything." "Some backup instruments." "I use the Auto-Tune." "Sparkling thoughts Feeling good on a Wednesday" "Giving me the hope" "To go on" "What I need is a little bit of shelter" "Stan?" "I don't know where I belong." "Just hold it." "That's what I do now." "dude}?" "God fucking dammit!" "Why don't we just have everyone use the transginger bathroom?" "do you have a reason for not using the boys' bathroom?" "I just..." "Two people close to me are having gender identity issues and I'm confused." "He's cisginger!" "He's so cis he wears a jockstrap to bed at night!" "boss}?" "Lorde}." "Carol." "– Lorde. and we {\*think the world of}admire you for staying and working here even after your music career took off." "My music and fluvial geomorphology are intertwined." "yeah. the females at this office have been pressuring me to... find your own space to go to the bathroom. but we thought it would be great if you had your very own... executive bathroom." "I like the women's bathroom." "I feel safe there." "to my music!" "} but the women here aren't comfortable sharing a bathroom with..." "With what?" "With what?" "You are watching E!" "Entertainment News." "That's how low you've sunk." "and still there's no sign of {\*the pop singer }Lorde." "I realize now that I make people uncomfortable." "I need to give this up and go back to just being the old me." "Spin magazine is claiming they know the reason for the sudden exit and will be releasing a tell-all article about the troubled artist next week." "everyone!" "It's the cisginger." "Think you can harass transgingers and use their bathroom?" "Stan}?" "guys?" "}" "– Yeah!" "– Sure!" "What we have a problem with are cisgingers who are intolerant!" "{\*You know what we call those?" "Cissies!" "}We call them cissies!" "Stan's a big ol' fat cissy!" "guys." "just he is." "You just gonna drink beer alone all day?" "It's OK." "It's gluten-free." "All right." "Do you know why young people like Lorde so much?" "It's because she's something different." "Kids have had pop music artists flash tits and crotch in their face and most kids are {\*actually }smart enough to be sick of it." "Lorde represents something in all of us:" "a truth that wants to be heard." "you know what I'd tell her?" "I'd tell her not to let people change who she is. it's {\*probably }because they've lost touch with being human." "I'd tell her to keep on doing what she does. then we all lose." "That's what I would say to Lorde." "Feeling good on a Wednesday" "The image of me that you see fractured" "Isolated Miles out to sea" "I don't want a separate place" "I need to feel safe" "Not thrown away" "And I will push" "To tear down the walls" "Of this box you put me in" "Because you don't understand" "And so you push" "To find a label that fits me" "I'm feeling good on a Wednesday" "With sparkling thoughts" "Help me unload the car" "And so I push" "To close the door" "Of the stall you've made for me" "To keep me away" "And now we push" "To stand together" "Because I am Lorde" "I am Lorde" "I am Lorde" "I am Lorde" "And so it is with great pride that I can announce the student body has elected to get rid and give any fellow student the right to use the bathroom they feel most comfortable in." "I don't want to use the girls' bathroom if anyone can use it!" "{\* It's gonna be all crowded!" "}" "Anyone who has a problem sharing a bathroom with people who might be transgender will have to use the special designated bathroom designed to keep them away from the normal people who don't care." "– {\*Where do you think you're going?" "}Where are you going?" "– To the bathroom." "you don't!" "You gotta use the cissy bathroom!" "cissy!" "This is pretty nice." "Feeling good" "On a Monday all the freedom I need" "By myself"