"FERDINANDO AND CAROLINA" "King Monster, tyrant," "King Rascal, son of a bitch" "Hal So, I've been told" "I'm Ferdinando di Borbone, King of Naples, at the end of my long, very messy reign." "Nenné, come here." " It smells good!" " That's hollyhock!" "Are you crazy?" "That's the King's bed!" " There's a church in his bedroom!" " No, that's a little chapel." " Jesus!" "These are horns!" " Yes, horns." " Horns under Saint Gennaro!" " So, horns under Saint Gennaro." "It's a Royal Family tradition." "Those, they are in a close relationship." "Do you want to know about the King and Saint Gennaro?" "When they're like this, they're in peace." "And like this when they're fighting." "The King is terrible when he's angry!" " Doesn't Saint Gennaro get offended?" " Offended?" "Why?" "Does the King get offended when Saint Gennaro is angry?" "Hurry up, now!" "Go, get those flowers and stop playing the coquette." "Get that basket." "Stop running!" "Get over here!" " May I do something, Highness?" " Who's the girl?" "My niece, fresh from the country." "Little babe." "Those ass-kissing courtiers even compliment my wife." " That's the King's second wife." " Oh, the Queen!" " No." "Morganatic wife." " Mor... what?" "Quiet!" "Look over there." "The King!" "Ferdinando I of the Two Sicilies, III of Sicily," "Ferdinando IV of Naples." "How many is he?" "I don't understand!" "Child, if you want to stay at Court, you'd better wake up!" "How many Sicilies are there?" "It's only one, but they say two." "He's King of both!" "I know... colitis." "I've always had a delicate stomach." "Blessed Mother!" "Help him, he's ill!" "The King fainted!" "Let me pass!" "Bring him to bed." "Sister, shouldn't we call a priest?" "Majesty, religious comfort..." "Should we call Father Raffaele?" "Spell caster!" "I'm fine!" "Get out of here!" "If His Majesty sees Father Raffaele, he'll have a stroke!" "The priest!" "It's shameful!" "He needs a priest, not horns!" "I need my horns." "I don't want to think about death." "I want to think about Naples when I was a boy, about the girls..." "Not death." "I want to think of what Naples was!" "It was so beautiful... when I was a boy." "We sang, we danced." "It was so beautiful..." "He was beautiful as a prince!" "They called me "Strawberry" when I was a girl." "I was the caretaker's daughter and we were just like this..." "Then a Princess arrived." "But he liked us common folks." "He was a rascal prince, a lively, happy kid." "A Prince and good for nothing rascal What more could I want?" "In Naples tool" "Only one thing turns my stomach:" "Maria Theresa of Austria, the heaviest Empress in Europe... 130 kilos without her court dress." "I was still a kid when I knew" "I'd marry one of her daughters." "She had a sea of them, four or five." "Poor Emperor Franz." "That fatso dried him up making babies for politics." "He looked like an asparagus, and smallpox will get him sooner or later." "I'm afraid of only one thing:" "Smallpox." "Why is the Empress so fixed on me?" "She makes the Viennese Court speak Italian." "Jesus, both the mother and her daughters make my balls twist" "My darling Franz said," ""Theresa, you have an important political head, but your political belly is even more important!"" "My daughters are a blessing." "By using them in the European chess game," "I want to assure an enduring peace." "Austrian peace." "The Mediterranean is still the heart of Europe." "Phillip has done everything to return Naples to Spain." "And we'll do everything to make Naples Austrian." "That's your task, Maria Giovanna." "Bring me the painting of Ferdinando's Naples." "He's naked!" "Franz, what are you doing?" "My God..." " Do you like this place?" " Yes, Mother." "You must prepare to become his queen." " How is her Italian?" " Discreet, Majesty." "Prince Ferdinando will soon be King." "Sure, he's having a strict education." "He's surely been raised strictly with rigid Spanish etiquette." "I imagine he's very cultured and refined." "Hey, shit face!" "Mamma!" "They're dirtying the wash!" "Look what those bastards are doing!" "I'll kill you if I catch you!" "I'll kill you little bastards!" "You'd better run!" "Run to the convent with the white voices!" "They'll take care of cutting off your balls!" "Are you running away or did they already cut off your balls?" "They cut balls off here?" "That's why they have beautiful voices." " What do balls have to do with it?" " Balls and voices are connected." "They are?" "Peppi, Lucarie, are you still there?" "Run." "Go away." "Run!" "The lesson is over!" "Filippuccio's were cut off a year ago." "The Prince of San Severo!" "Jesus!" "The Prince of San Severo!" "Don't say his name!" "He's a wizard!" "What are you little bastards doing?" "No!" "Don't yell at him!" "Yell at me!" " He's a great wizard!" " He turns animals into marble!" "Let go!" "We're leaving." "We're bored now." "Kiss my hand and take me back to the palace." "Boy, you're a good for nothing brat." "Take me to the palace or I'll cut off your head." "Cut off my head?" "Why?" "Who are you?" "If you're a wizard, why are you asking me?" "He's really good!" "He guessed!" "Then you must know that Ferdinando of Spain is dead and your father, Carlo, has taken the throne of Spain and you have become King of Naples..." "Your Majesty." "Being King is a pain in the ass." "You know why?" "I had to fart and my feet hurt." "The ceremonies never finish" "The ceremony was so moving." "All of Naples cried." "They always cry in Naples." "They've lost a great King this time." "And you have to be worthy," "One king dies, another is crowned." "Unfortunately, one king dies and we risk having a viceroy." "Because Austria has ambitions on Naples." "They'll arrange a marriage." "My son!" "Be worthy of this sword Louis XIV gave your grandfather, Phillip." "You have to use it to defend our religion only, your person and your subjects." "We leave not only a son in Naples, we leave our heart as well." "Papa, if you don't want to be King of Spain, who'll make you?" "Stay here." "You're the king." " Mamma!" " My son." "It's been ten years and being King is a great job." "The advisors advise, councilors council, commanders command and I go hunting." "I've discovered women and the beauty of breasts." "At my age, each piece is choice:" "Country girls, servants" "And then, the Princess of Medina arrived and I discovered love." "I sent her husband, the Prince, to London as ambassador." "Medina is Sicilian and as fiery as a volcano." "She loves to hunt and she shoots like a demon." "Maria Giovanna in Vienna has grown too and can't wait to marry me." "Hal She's crying her eyes out and doesn't want to be Queen of Naples" "Her archduchess sisters tease her," ""You're marrying honker nose"" "At least pronounce "honker" well!" ""You're marrying honker nose!"" "Archduchesses mustn't speak that way of the King of Naples!" "Why are you crying, Maria Giovanna?" "You'll be Queen!" "Her Imperial Majesty is signing the marriage contract." "My darling Franz had the bad taste to die and leave me, a fat, romantic woman, alone to reign over the greatest empire in the world." "We had children, 13 of which are living." "I'm happy that you, dear son Joseph, are ruling at my side." "We must pay the utmost attention to the marriage contract." "Article Four." "Attention, gentlemen, please." "This is the most fundamental point of the contract between Maria Giovanna and Ferdinando:" "Upon birth of her first son, the Queen has the right to participate in the State Council." "Will they accept that?" "Yes." "Carlo of Spain wants this marriage." "They will accept." " Highness, Maria Giovanna is very ill!" " Very ill?" "The Austrian Ambassador wants to speak with His Majesty!" "Where is he?" " At Three Oaks." " Good!" "To Three Oaks!" "Majesty." "Majesty." "Majesty, Baron Vittelbach von Muller has arrived." " Piss on him." " He came from Vienna!" "I can't see the Australian ambassador now." "I'm busy!" " Poor man, he's chased you all day." " And he has to wait!" "Gennarì!" " Come here." " Yes?" "Don't tell these ball busters anything!" "Understand, Tanucci?" "The Austrian Ambassador must wait." "No, I'm writing to his father." "He can't do this to the little Austrian Ambassador!" "What if we just return to Naples?" "What a good idea." "I'll take one of these pheasants and cook it with juniper berries, like at home." "No!" "You cook pheasant with oranges and mint!" "Where do they do that?" " Is everything ready?" " Yes, Majesty." " How is she dressed?" " Exquisitely!" " Who is she dressed up as?" " I can't tell you that." "Bastard!" "You can't keep secrets!" "I'm the King!" "I'll chop off your head!" "Let's go!" "The Princess of Medina loves to play games as much as I do." "When I had a Chinese-style hunting lodge built, she surprised me by dressing as a Chinese and we made love Chinese style" "Since then, the games begin when the hunt is over." "The Princess is very inventive" "Japanese style, Indian style," "Spanish style." "She studies lovemaking habits from north, south, east and west." "In India they wrap like this, they do it with castanets in Spain... the Princess knows them all." "Can I tell you the truth?" "Masked love is more delicious" "Gennarì, you know my rest is sacred." "Are you from the Orient?" "Who are you?" "The Princess from "A Thousand and One Nights"?" "Here's one for the Caliph, with those eyes!" "Come here, Sultan's odalisque." "Let me drink from the cup of Allah's garden!" "Will you belly dance for me?" "Turkish style." "Without veils?" "In Arab way." "You're so beautiful!" "Pardon me, Abbot, you know you can't see the King when he's resting." " What's with the pagoda?" " And what's with this exotic construction?" "His Majesty likes China!" "[Latin]" "Majesty." "Majesty, the Ambassador has important news for you." "Majesty." "Your fiancé, Maria Giovanna, unfortunately..." "Jesus!" " Smallpox!" " Smallpox!" "Majesty." "Shit on that disease!" "Three horns on it!" " My God!" " The news has upset his sensitive soul." "She wanted to give me the pox!" "I scratch my balls against you!" "The horns on my prick so your curse won't stick!" "Meanwhile, Maria Giovanna, still warm, my father Carlo in Madrid was already arranging a marriage with another archduchess." "The only way to guarantee peace in Italy... is to marry one of the Austrian archduchesses." "The Empress has suggested Maria Giuseppa, the fifth archduchess," "Three months younger than yourself." "When she looks at my portrait" "Maria Giuseppa's face falls." "But her sisters aren't teasing now." "What are you crying about?" "I don't want to marry that nose!" " Princesses have no rights, only duty." " He's ugly!" "Yes, that's true." "But you'll sacrifice yourself for high politics." "You'll do your duty to God and to your husband and I'll be satisfied and happy, even if you're miserable." "A poor man like me, living in exile from my home and I have to bear so many pains in the ass!" "How the hell can we keep this up?" "He has our balls in a vice." "Damn them!" "Damn their mothers and fathers and aunties!" " Is he still angry with the bishops?" " I don't know." " Excellence?" " What?" "Are you angry with the bishops?" "No, it's not that." "I'm angry with the peasants for not getting my oil from Lucca." "They have not even brought me the beans from the Casentino region." "They didn't get my good artichokes or even basil for my salad!" " And what can I do?" " What can you do?" "I feel like I'm dying if I don't have bread with good oil at night!" "He sent orders in a letter!" "Did you read this letter from my father?" "I want to know why I can't marry the Princess of Medina!" "She's married." "So?" "Why can't her husband have a little accident in England?" "No problem, Majesty." "Just nod your head and we'll take care of everything, won't we, Fedele?" "We'll ride for Dover today!" "Are those the manners I taught you?" "We're not brigands!" "The Princess isn't even of royal blood!" "Who cares!" "She's the woman for me." "She's Sicilian." "Naples-Austria is an alliance." "Naples-Sicily is nothing!" "Think about your father!" "He'll throw us all out." "Why does my father, with the excuse of being king, get to choose my wife?" " Who's going to sleep with the archduchess?" "You, Tanucci?" "Me?" "No?" "You, Prince?" "You, abbot?" "No!" "I'm the poor prick!" "Shit!" "These Hapsburgs, aren't they too sickly?" "They have smallpox..." "Majesty!" "Speak Italian!" "Parisian dresses," "Ferdinando's diamond medallion, 34 royal coaches with horses, nine carriages, four baggage wagons and the fittings." "My darling Franz, my husband, your father..." "Your father lived for 56 years, 8 months and 10 days." "He died on August 17th, at 9:30 at night." "He lived for 680 months, 2,958 weeks," "20,780 days, 496,492 hours." "My happy marriage lasted 29 years, 6 months and 6 days." "That makes 355 months, 1 ,540 weeks." "10,780 days." "758,744 hours." "We'll honor his memory in the Capuchin Crypt." "No, mother!" "You will honor your father at the crypt!" "You will honor your father, your Aunt Isabella, and your sister, Maria Giovanna!" "Speak Italian!" "They died of pox!" "That disgusting Capuchin Crypt is the Hapsburg's sacred tomb." "The girl is right... it's full of fresh bodies with the pox" "But Maria Theresa dragged her to those crawling, wormy, dead bodies in the crypt." "He's looking at Vesuvius." "You must be patient." "His Majesty becomes profound when contemplating nature." "Don't dare bother him!" "He enjoys his sadness..." "Shut up!" " Majesty?" " What?" " This is Professor Cantalamessa." " That's one hell of a prick!" "To your health!" "He is the secretary to Lord Hamilton... the ambassador to England, and a master of our antiquities." "This Priapus weighing a huge phallus was painted to ward off the evil eye and bring luck to the house." "It's no wonder why the Roman Empire lasted!" "They had enough pricks and balls to ward off anything!" "It's an eel!" " Stop it!" " What did I do?" "Filth comes from your mouth the minute you open it!" "It was His Majesty's fault." "But he's King and you're not!" "I see two gentlemen arriving." "Who are they?" "Our Abbot Galiani and the Austrian Ambassador." "Again?" "Pardon, Majesty." "I bring..." "Bad news." "I knew it!" "Fate is against the Empress' daughters." "As befell Archduchess Maria Giovanna..." "Maria Giuseppa too?" "Dead?" "Smallpox?" "I told you!" "Get me garlic!" "Rub that evil eye prick!" "Vienna is cursed!" "Rub your balls!" "All of you, rub your balls!" " I don't do that even for my wife!" " This is enough for a war." "Vienna brings bad luck!" "Yes, do blame the messenger!" "When he brings bad luck." "In every way, the Hapsburgs are bad luck!" "Vesuvius is erupting!" "Earthquake!" "An earthquake and two rotting deaths are true signs, aren't they?" "I have to stay away from the Hapsburgs, alive, dead or rotting" "But while my father had his portrait painted, he had nothing better to do than make trouble for me." "Now, the question is to choose between Maria Amalia and Maria Carolina." "This one is five years older... and the other is 19 months younger than Ferdinando." "Archduchess Maria Carolina seems more docile." "Also because she's younger." "Let's hope she's healthier than her sisters!" "Now, if a regular young rascal guts a boar, he's a great hunter." "If I do, I go down in history as a bloodthirsty son of a bitch" "Majesty, have the courtesy and good manners to listen to me!" "You must see the Austrian Ambassador." "It's protocol!" "If you refuse to see him, it's like a declaration of war!" "Do you want a war?" "And now you also hit me with your hat!" "Majesty!" "But please, Your Majesty, do me the favor to give me an answer." "Why don't you want to receive the ambassador?" "I want to know why, Majesty, you won't speak to the ambassador!" " Where is he from?" " Vienna." " Get rid of him!" " Your father agreed!" "There are three left and you have to marry one of them!" "Majesty, you can't compromise peace in Europe over silly superstitions." " Two dead from smallpox is superstition?" " You didn't die, they did!" "I wouldn't marry one of those witches if I were dead!" "Not even dead!" "Get out or I'll call the guards!" "Okay, okay." "We'd better leave." "Let's go." "How can he reign with horns and spells!" "This makes chickens laugh!" " Can't I go to the stables instead?" " The advisors want your signature." "They're woodcock hunting today." " What am I signing?" " Your correspondence." "This is for your father... and this is for the Viennese Court." "Is everything ready?" "Please read what you sign!" "That would be prudent." "You could be signing your abdication." "He's right, Majesty." "Stop busting my balls!" "I'm busy today!" "I have a date with a beautiful... wild boar!" "Those pass through, and once they've passed through..." "Goodbye, advisors!" " Majesty, are we after woodcocks?" " Woodcocks, woodcocks." "Did he sign it?" "Has he signed?" "Yes, he signed." "Certainly, he's signed." "He's officially asked for the Archduchess Carolina's hand, and this time he'll marry her." "We fucked him!" "I sent for the Austrian courier." "He's flying to Vienna!" "By the way, who is going to tell His Majesty?" "Me?" "Don't count on it!" "Abbot..." "I won't think about it!" "Abbot..." "Stop that!" "Abbot..." "No." "Absolutely not." "Where is he?" "Majesty." "How should I know where he's eating on the grass?" "God help me." "Look, it's our Galiani!" "All of my congratulations!" "Congratulations, Majesty!" " What for?" " For the good of the kingdom, you've promised to marry Maria Carolina of Austria!" "What are you talking about?" "You signed the marriage agreement!" "Who played this trick?" " Who dared?" " Shut up!" " Your father, King of Spain." " Who signed it?" " You did, Majesty." " You didn't tell me!" "I've told you a million times to read what you sign." "What the hell kind of advisors are you?" "I don't want any part of that scabby family." "I'm not marrying her." "I can't offend Maria Theresa or we'll have a war, so..." "So... what?" "I want you to get rid of her." "Me!" " I can do it!" " Shut up!" "Aren't you a wizard?" "Didn't you turn a cat into marble?" "You have marbled the cat, haven't you?" " Turn Carolina into marble!" " I should turn her to marble?" "Make her die." "Cast a really gruesome spell so I can get out of the agreement." " San Severo, that's an order." " If I don't, you'll chop off my head?" "He's a genius." "I have to marbleize Carolina or he'll chop off my head." "Don't lose your head." "The letter he's about to get from his father will marbleize him!" "I'm not worried." "Peel me a prickly pear, boy." "Sweetest, Highest Sovereign Majesty, this is a royal agreement." "You must!" "The official letter is coming from Vienna." "You can't play with the Empress this way!" "Be brave, love." "There's an old Sicilian song that says:" ""Destiny is a cloud, we know not where it floats."" "Fuck Sicilian songs!" "I'll take care of my destiny." "I don't want to marry her!" "I don't want to!" "I don't want to!" "I don't want to!" "Stop that now." "The Empress wishes to see you." "Come quickly, please." "Caroline, please." "Mama is wicked!" "She'll ruin us with her political ambitions." "She doesn't love us." "I don't want to!" "I don't want to marry the ugly nose!" "He's bad luck, cursed!" "He's bad luck!" "He made my sisters die of pox." "Here comes Her Imperial Highness." "Leave us alone." "You will marry!" "Maria Carolina, you are the one most like me." "Don't disappoint me." "The wedding gown has already been altered." "It was Maria Giuseppa's!" "It has pearls and precious stones and Ferdinando's portrait surrounded by diamonds." "Maria Carolina, you'll be very beautiful!" "It was Maria Giuseppa's." "She's ill!" "She's fainted!" "Joseph, if Carolina dies of smallpox, no one will mix blood with ours." "Call Doctor Gherber!" "Stop crying, Marie Antoinette!" "Mama, If she dies" "I don't want to marry the King of France!" "It's not confirmed, Majesty!" "She's rotten with smallpox!" "It's not smallpox!" "They said she was slightly ill." "The Ambassador mentioned a minor uneasiness." "We'll have a stroke chasing you!" "I'll write her a letter!" "I'm King Ferdinando and I don't want to marry!" "And I do not want to get married." "For God's sake, stop it." "Don't act like a fool!" "He's like a drunken Satan!" "Saint Gennaro!" "Saint Genna, look at me!" "I don't give a fuck about war with Austria!" "I don't want that scab in my house!" "I won't marry her!" "He'll marry her." "Damn, I'm in a madhouse." "San Severo is a wizard." "He said, "He'll marry her."" "A few hours later, in fact" "I was comfy with my little princess, when..." "We were making love, when..." "Majesty." "How dare you!" "Excuse me for disturbing you, but Abbot Galiani urgently wants to speak to you." " Should I let him in?" " No!" "He says it's urgent." "Majesty." "Majesty..." "Oh, excuse me." " News from Vienna!" " You dirty old man!" "It was just a cold." "The archduchess is fine." "The royal cortege has departed." "That means... goodbye, my love." "I'm fucked." "I'm fucked!" "I'm fucked!" "I'm fucked." "Fucked." "Courage, Majesty, courage." "Those nuns... they made us call a priest." "I don't want to die!" "Ghosts return." "Ghosts are shitty, they betray you." "They trick a poor king who's dying." "I search for my beautiful memories but the dark ones return." "Pity him!" "Oh, my God!" "Long live the King" "It's the Bloody Brigand" "He drinks blood from chopped heads" "He yells, "Long live the King"" " God!" " Blessed Mother!" " He's dying." " Father!" "He's dying." "Get the 7 Thieves Vinegar!" " Doctor, thieves vinegar!" " Salt..." "Sister, you pray!" "I'll get the vinegar." "What manners!" "Please, a little respect." "Caracciolo, eaten by fish" "Hung by my order" "San Felice's throat cut by my order" "What do these corpses want from me?" "Why are the dead looking for me?" "Saint Gennaro, help me!" "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, help!" "Saint Rita, Saint Lucy!" "Saint Cosma and Damiano!" "Saints, help me!" "What do these corpses want from me?" "What do these corpses want from me?" " Put him in bed!" " Dead men!" "Slit throats!" "Majesty..." "Majesty, open your soul to me." " Confess your sins." " No!" "I don't have anything to confess." "I've always been pure as bread!" "As pure as bread!" "You must admit you've had a history of harsh repression." "And your ghosts are coming to tug at you, isn't that true?" "I was always a good boy." "The people loved me." "I was good, generous." "They called me their father." "Well, Majesty..." "What "well"?" "I did a lot of good." "I was close to the people." "Well, Majesty, maybe you don't recall, but you beheaded a lot of people." "What?" "It was four little heads." "Four, little heads." "And I'm the King!" "They... traitors, Jacobins, Republicans." "They cut heads, slit, used guillotine with poor people." "They chopped heads, slit throats, guillotined, hung!" "They murdered the people with war, revolutions, Napoleons, terror and blood of their dead!" "And now, they want to make me pay?" "As if I were the only one." "Anyway, it was that Austrian..." "Carolina." "I didn't want to marry her!" "What a face." "She's a young girl, almost a child." "This little one isn't bad, eh?" "Little girl, little baby..." "Those eyes look more concerned with power than baby dolls." "To command is better than to fuck... maybe." "I beg your pardon, Your Majesty." "Pardon me, gentlemen." "Majesty, may I speak with you privately?" "Yes." "Everyone, please leave." "Gentlemen, the King wants to be alone." "Please step outside." " Me too?" " Leave and close the door!" "Come." "I can't do this." "I'm scared." "I can't make it." "I am scared." "I want only you." "Cheer up, love." "Look at this!" "Come on, Nanduzzo." "Look." "These." "They are astonishing." " Saint Gennaro blessed these!" " Yes!" "But you must promise to be good." " That you'll be a Borbone." " A Borbone." " She's pretty." " Yes." "And you'll be fine." "But if you ever need me," "I'll always be there." "Always?" "Always!" " Does Your Majesty feel at home?" " Yes, thank you." "Your Majesty certainly needs no advice..." " Surely not." " Just in case it's necessary, our experience is at your command." "Her Majesty knows what to do." "...in any situation." "Are you speaking of joining... carnally?" " We would never dare." " For Heaven's sake, Her Majesty." "But your wedding night..." "Sleepers catch no fish!" "Our mother, Empress Maria Theresa, explained our conjugal duties." "One, don't be coy." "Two, obey and respect the Royal consort." "Three, remain at his side." "And, four, avoid all comparisons of the North with the South!" " Gennarie, where are you?" " Here I am." "Let me in, please." "I went for your perfume." "The groom must be handsome!" "Your Majesty, what can you do?" "And so says Pulcinella, "No more playing with tits!"" "His Majesty is finally getting a donut with a Hapsburg middle in it!" "His Excellency has become more humorous for joy!" "Humorous and naughty!" "Long live the political winds that lift the sheets of a lover's bed!" "Speaking of which, did Papa send any advice on how I must behave tonight?" "He knows you don't need any." "Blessings this night." "Blessings?" "I want a good night!" "Let's hope he really doesn't start a war with Austria tonight!" "Here we are." "Here's your hot water, Majesty." "Idiot!" "Majesty, you have some pretty tits." "Pardon?" "Your tits are tiny... but appetizing." "No understand." "You don't understand tits?" "Those are tits." "You're Queen of Naples, you have to understand Italian!" "I speak Italian!" "This is not Italian." "It's Neapolitan!" "Neapolitan:" "The only Italian for the Queen of Naples." "Aren't you hot, Majesty?" "What?" "What are you looking at?" "You thought I had the evil eye... and I thought you did!" "And now we got rid of the evil eye!" "Do you know what we're going to do?" "Did your mommy explain it?" "I don't understand your language!" "I'll teach you!" "Stay still!" "You're wearing knickers!" "Stay still." "Didn't your mommy tell you there'd be no knickers tonight?" "I want them off!" "I'm going to rip them off!" "Turn over!" "The bitch wants to ruin me!" "So, I'll tear everything up." "And you place your feet on my face." "You're crazy!" "Turn over..." "How dare you!" "I've never been slapped!" "I'm the king!" "The king!" "I'm your husband and I'll show you who commands!" "Never try that again!" "Never try that again or I'll make your ass black and blue!" "Then I'll chop off your head and send it to your fatso mother in Austria!" "So, she likes to bite." "She's a lioness?" "But I'm a lion." "I'm going to fuck you." "From that moment on" "I never thought of the evil eye again." "What does this "fuck" mean?" "What we've been doing till now, my pretty one." "Jesus, what a sweet panaro you have!" ""Panaro." What is panaro?" "Ass!" "Ugly, honker-nose pig!" "If I'm a pig, you're my piglet." "I really like you, Caroli!" "Ferdina!" "To tell the truth, I can't complain about Carolina in bed." "When her brother, Emperor Joseph, came to see how things were in Naples, he noticed too." "I never imagined the Austrian Emperor to be so handsome!" "Princess," "Princess, how do you look at him?" "You've already had a King, are you looking at an Emperor?" "Would you like to place a wager?" "One, two, three, ladies." "One, two, three, knights." "Majesty, please remember the Emperor is a very cultured man." "He may also be a Mason." " Why is he here?" " Empress' orders!" ""You go to Naples and discover why Carolina has no babies!"" "Does mama want him to get into our bed?" "Look at my bear, he's a fool." "He's ugly, but he's sweet." "The problem is that he thinks he's handsome and smart." "But, my dear Joseph, my husband doesn't give the slightest fuck about governing." "What language, Carolina!" "How you speak." "Like a vulgar Neapolitan." "Never forget that culture is the weapon to re-conquer Naples for Austria." "Poor Ferdinando, don't intimidate him." "He's a big baby!" "Emperor Joseph isn't used to our games." "But that's the fun of being King" "They go to that Capuchin Crypt in Vienna, so how can they get a laugh?" "I'll show the Emperor how to have fun" " What's it called?" "Blind man's "fluff"?" " No, bluff!" "They have fun this way!" " His Majesty is amused!" " Let God take care of him!" "Hey, Joe!" "Feel how sweaty I am!" "Give me a piggy back ride!" "Leave my brother alone, honker-nose!" "What's happening?" " Carola..." "She's ill!" " Call a doctor!" " It's nothing, I was dizzy." " It was nothing." "She was only dizzy!" "Yesterday she was flushed, there's no doubt now." "I want to bring mama good news." "Reassure her," "I know that if it's a son Carolina will sit on the State Council." "I can't forget." "What a head full your sister gave me!" " It's over now." " Up we go!" "You're getting fat, Majesty!" "Excuse me, ladies and knights." "They want a boy in Vienna, but the first two were girls." "They laugh and tease us," ""When will there be a baby boy?"" "I don't give a fuck." "I make love to Carolina and as for the rest, let God take care of it" "My sweet mother in Madrid died and my father vowed eternal chastity." "Yes, he's religious, chaste, pious." "But eternal chastity?" "He's insane" "It's hard, but I vowed chastity to my wife on her deathbed." "I will be chaste!" "Now, Maria Carolina and Naples," "I wanted that marriage to assure peace and now I fear the worst!" "Austria doesn't want peace, she wants to rule Naples again!" "Carolina is ambitious!" "She's had two daughters, but unfortunately, a son will change things for her." "Do you know she's filled Naples with Masonic Lodges?" "I do not like this!" "I do not like this!" "That Austrian dominates my son." "I'm told she's teaching him..." "The knights, ladies, war, weapons, gloves, right?" "No, not gloves!" "Loves!" "All right, "loves."" "You must memorize poetry!" "Let's study nice for once." "My leg!" "I'm tired!" "Always this fuck, fuck!" "One huge belly after another!" "You must learn to use your head as well as that big dopey fish!" "But you like my dogfish." "Learn that poetry, ignorant brute!" "You learned, "Go fuck yourself, and the horse you rode in on!"" "And your mother and sister too, you ugly son of a bitch!" "Stop!" "Study!" "Sit!" "Study that poetry." "We'll do the slippery later, right?" "Study, I'll be right back." "Yes, Prince?" "Majesty, contrary to your wishes, Tanucci has arrested everyone affiliated with the Naples Masonic Lodges." "Many are your friends, Majesty." "It's not possible!" "That's an insult to me and to my mother, Maria Theresa!" "That stubborn King Carlo thinks that Tanucci, that old idiot, can lead me by my nose!" "Now we'll see!" "Your hardheaded father has backwards ideas, as moldy as that absolute Spanish Monarchy!" "Watch out, you're offending my father!" "Wake up, Ferdinando." "Time goes on." "This is the Age of Enlightenment!" "All kingdoms are discussing liberty!" "The Masons must spread these ideas!" "Stop." "Calm down or we'll have trouble!" "What calm?" "He's arrested my friends." "They must be freed now!" "The slave of Spain will pay for this and apologize to me!" "Maria Carolina's orders!" " This is an order by Maria Carolina!" " You must be crazy, off your mind!" "I give the orders!" "I'm the King!" "No!" "I give the orders." "I am Queen!" "No one laughs at Maria Theresa's daughter!" "Who'll they laugh at, me?" "Yes!" " How is the Princess of Medina?" " As always, devoted to you." "I miss her." "Tell her to come hunting in Caserta on Saturday." "The Queen is already furious about the Masons!" "I know, I know." "Enough!" "My father in Madrid exaggerated about the Masons." "I'm the King!" "I want to fuck!" "Tanucci, you will give the Queen her apology!" "She's dangerous, crazy and she's taking it out on me!" "She's Austrian!" "We'll have a Masonic Queen." "Her Highness is too fond of social reform and progress, Majesty." "Your Royal Consort mustn't raise herself higher than you or I'll have to write to your father." "You'll write to my father, he'll write to her mother." "Shit!" "The Age of Enlightenment." "Diderot..." "Rousseau..." "Voltaire." "Let's hope all this illumination doesn't cause a fire!" "That child in Naples understands nothing!" "Nothing!" "Throwing her husband out of bed because of the Masons... is stupid!" "On the contrary, she should keep that monkey in bed until she has a son!" "That is how empires are made!" "You know Blessed Virgin, Saint Eustachio, Saint Eusebio that I am chaste and pious." "But that Austrian has enslaved my son with carnality to dominate him." "I was forced to order Tanucci to distract him with another woman." "And this sad Borbone family tradition needs a Pompadour right now!" "Most chaste Virgin, can you ever forgive me?" "Can you ever forgive me?" "I'm a chaste man." "I know nothing of these things!" "Did you remind him that the Princess of Medina is favored?" "His nephew's wife?" "Not her, absolutely not!" "Where will she come from?" "With Carlo's international political ideas," "Spain?" "England?" "France!" "France is full of new ideas." "How could Carlo ask a Pompadour of me?" "Of me?" "You're overreacting!" "These are libertine times." "Nod and ladies will run to the King's bed!" "Just find the right one!" "One we trust." "We need an expert on indecency." "I don't know anyone." "The Goudar brothers!" "I guarantee you can count on them!" "The Goudars are two Parisian adventurers in Naples seeking their fortune." "Handsome, elegant, clever bastards who own a very successful gambling house." "Foreigners, gentlemen and rascals all go there to make easy money." "We, at the Court, are kept out of it, but aristocracy runs to Casa Goudar" "Everything happens there:" "Fortunes lost, passions flamed, infidelities, bets, tricks and dangerous games." "The money flows so they keep it in check" "When Galiani and San Severo spoke of King Carlo's wishes, the brothers understood and offered a solution." "Sara, Angelo Goudar's fiery, red headed wife, famous for her flaming forest on her Venus Nest" "My dear Goudar brothers, the trap is set!" "The trap has succeeded!" "When I told His Majesty that a Goudar was undefeated at the Ensign game as foreseen, he immediately wanted to challenge him!" "Did he agree to come masked?" " Tonight!" " Does he know I'll be masked?" "The mask is his favorite part!" "And he's a kind of fool!" "What name will he use?" "It's wonderful:" "Cavalier Saint Gennaro!" "He thinks that's good luck!" "You need to be irresistible!" "Angelo, I know." "You want me to be like the Goddess Venus!" "A red Venus nest, but we must play cleverly." "It's not easy to become the King's favorite." "The ambiguous arts must be used." "Do you understand, my love?" "Power is a game too, it's just more refined." "It's a lake with a slimy bottom." "Love, you're a poet!" "My sweet, Eros loves power and politics as it loves shadows and corners, the gorges, the darker spots, my sweet... vulgarity." "Yes, my love." "This first time, it's better he sees you nude." "It's too erotic." " He'll know it's a trap." " Never." "You're far too charming." "Cavalier Saint Gennaro has arrived!" " He's here." "The King is yours." " Go on." "Look who's here." " Cavalier Saint Gennaro." " At your service." "Make yourself comfortable." "You're the one unbeatable at the Ensign." " That's what they say." " Shuffle the cards." "Let's shuffle." "Don't worry, we can't be seen from here." "Don't be afraid." "Nobody can see us here." "The King is playing with one eye and looking at Venus with the other." " What if he loses?" " No problem, Abbot." "Angelo will let him win." " I beat your pants off." " Touché." "You had a very lucky streak." "The Goddess Fortune loves you." "You are lucky." "Fortune is on your side tonight." "Lady Luck knows where to go." "If you'd like another hand..." "Yes, but..." "I'm a bit tapped." "My silver is gone." "If there's something here that interests you..." "That's my most precious possession." "Come on, sir." "Come on, give me the cards!" "Let's see where luck goes!" "As you wish, my knight." "Come on." "One... two... three." "Unbeatable!" "I won, Cavalier!" "You won again." "You didn't gamble the painting, you gambled the lady!" "I placed no such bet." "Forget that and take the painting." "No, sir!" "That is the King's bet!" "You cannot draw back." "You." "Majesty." "Majesty!" "Have pity!" "I beg of you." "Sara is my life." "If you take Sara from me I'll be a dead man!" "A bet is a bet." "Take me to the lady." "No faces now!" "It's an honor." "I'm the King." "I am a King." "To a king nothing can be refused." "What an ass Was it a mandolin or violin?" "From behind, Sara is a symphony" "In front, she has so many gifts" "I don't know where to start" "She looks like a nymph, a naiad, a sylph, a bacchante." "She's Christmas" "She's springtime" "Summer, the sun and the seal" "I didn't think about Carolina." "Betrayal" "With that red Venus nest below... what can a poor King do?" "That was the Demon's fire, Mohammed's Paradise." "She raises the dead and makes you want to sing" "But sing softly so Carolina won't hear" "Pompadour is Sara's inspiration tonight!" "Sara... she's a woman with great class." "Who'd have known that chambermaid would be the King's lover someday?" "Watch!" "Look down." "She's about to do Salome's pirouette!" " What's that?" " A secret." "No one can resist it." "What is Salome's pirouette?" "An absolute secret." "Julian Goudar let the secret out." "He told Countess San Marco." "And it didn't escape my Sicilian Princess' eye" "She bothered him until she knew it all." "Damn" "And she did not give up, until she knew it." "When I brought her husband back from London, all hell broke loose" "She felt betrayed twice." "For the wife, of course, is the wife." "But Sara..." "She felt betrayed, but Sara's red Venus nest called, and she's jealous as a cat" "The Princess of Medina is speaking to the Queen." "Let's hope she hasn't told her." "About the beautiful Sara?" "I fear she's learning now." "She entered the King's favor at the gaming house." "I have proof." "I don't believe it!" "I am not a stupid Othello who kills for a handkerchief!" "It's no handkerchief." "It's a snuffbox." ""Same place, same time." "Your impatient heifer awaits her bull." "Sara."" "[Austrian]" "Infamy!" "I'm truly sorry." "I thought I was his only heifer, but if it's not true, it's a mere detail." "Do not put on that face!" "A betrayed queen is different than a betrayed servant." "Poor rascal, his sin will cost him dearly." "He who sins must pay!" "Now my hunting season begins." "Knowing your abilities, we've been waiting weeks to see it." "Whatever do you mean?" " How you did it." " The snuffbox!" "Well played." "I'm Her Majesty's royal servant and friend!" "So you thought the Queen should know about the games at Goudar's!" "The King's favorite is Borbone tradition!" "Her Majesty is 20 years old and her first and only love is the King." "And now you'll taste sweet revenge." "How wicked, My Lord." "The King knows about the Prince." "I fear he wants to kill the Queen!" " I fear he wants to kill the Queen!" " We must intervene." "Or a tragedy will occur." "Between King and Queen nothing is seen..." "What can we do?" "If the King feels he's been fucked, we're fucked!" "My love..." "Ferdinando." "What did you say?" "My love..." "Ferdinando." "So, you're dreaming of me!" "So, it's me." "It's myself." ""Ferdinando, my love."" "If she'd said her lover's name, believe me, I'd have killed her." "But "My Ferdinando"..." "She fucked me again" "That Austrian bitch." "Love, infidelity and politics instead of strangling her that night." "Carolina conceived that male heir that allowed her to rule Naples." "We were beautiful, Carolina, young and beautiful." "Open-handed." "He's too good." "He's a corpse!" "It was her..." "Carolina." "Maybe he should have strangled her that night." "The fun ended in that moment and God's fury began." "In that moment," "I see her young, beautiful, appetizing," "With that tempting breast a cream pastry!" "A moment later," "Carolina, old and dry!" "Her face in death!" "What does she want of me?" "She came to get me." "She came to get me!" "She came to get me!" "I died of fright." "It was her right until the end." "Caroli!"