"?" "Oh, oh, oh, oh" "?" "oh, oh, oh, oh, oh" "?" "so, we go down to the red, to the river ?" "?" "Dig our hands deep in the banks of the sand ?" "?" "Loose all the black of the souls buried there ?" "?" "Forgive every man" "?" "moving uptown" "?" "gonna clear the air" "?" "moving uptown" "?" "then we'll go everywhere" "?" "buffalo flower" "?" "my queen of the plains" "?" "when the bully winds" "?" "push on your shoulder" "?" "you show them who's king" "?" "oh, the man of the hour" "?" "is another pretty young buck" "?" "pinstripes and a tongue like a fresh cut flower ?" "?" "Promises sure to wither up" "?" "oh, my man" "?" "your hour's up" "hi there." "Hi." "Hey." "Hi." "Hey." "So, this is pretty nice." "Oh, uhh..." "I've never been here before." "No?" "Uhh, yeah, they're good." "They're good." "They got 'em all over the place now." "I guess why would I, right?" "Live in town, how often are you going to stay at a local hotel, right?" "No, it's true." "I mean, unless..." "What?" "Unless what?" "You know." "No, I don't." "Yes, you do." "You know what I'm saying." "No, I don't, truthfully." "What?" "Unless you were seeing someone illicitly." "Oh." "Right, that." "Yes, that." "Uhh, do you want anything?" "Like a, uhh, water or something?" "No, I'm fine." "Might have some nuts, if that's all right with you, cashews." "Go for it." "Even though they're, like," "$600." "Geez, not even salted, I'm not big on that." "Oh." "I..." "I read that thing you did for that one magazine." "It... someone emailed it to me." "It was pretty good." "It's funny how much you know about women now." "Anyway..." "Anyway, so, yeah, uhh, I know this is sort of out of the blue and all." "And I just, uhh..." "Look, I needed to see you." "Why is that?" "I only cut to the chase because, you know, my kids get home at 3:00." "Oh, right, sure." "Sorry." "Okay, umm..." "I'm going to get some water, actually." "These really do parch your throat after you eat a few." "Listen, you're probably wondering what I'm even doing back here, back in the, umm, Seattle area." "It did cross my mind, yes." "Right, sure." "Of course, although I do get back here every couple of years or so, to see my folks, that sort of thing." "Oh, they're still in town?" "Yep." "But I am..." "I'm not here for that, to see them." "No?" "No." "I'm here, uhh, because I just want to do something here, uhh, right a wrong or whatnot, make... make things okay." "Huh." "All right." "Does that make sense?" "Umm, not really." "Well, what I mean is, umm, we had a really nice go of it back then." "High school." "Yes, yes, school, uhh, great times back at central valley, and a lot of fun." "And then we sort of..." "Well, you ended it." "Uh-huh, right." "You broke up with me." "Yes, I did." "That's true." "Was there something else you wanted to go over?" "Are you mad at me?" "Seriously though, are you?" "I can't believe you'd say that." "Well, I don't know." "You can carry stuff like that around." "You'd be surprised." "No, I wouldn't." "Uh-uh, I would not because I do think about it, what happened between us." "Good." "Let's talk about it." "Now?" "Yeah." "I mean, I know you got to go." "But we could at least air a bit of laundry, or however that saying goes." "You want to air this stuff now?" "Yeah, only if it's okay." "Instead of 15 years ago?" "You flew here to do this today?" "Yes, I know it seems strange but..." "Okay, fine, good." "Go for it." "Okay." "You are angry." "Maybe just a touch, yep." "Okay, all right, Sam, I'm going to be open with you here, totally upfront, honest." "I think the reason that we broke up back then..." "There was no "we"." "It was you." "You ended it." "I know." "I know that." "I do know it." "But it wasn't any one thing that prompted it." "It wasn't." "And... and..." "For some reason, I always had the idea that you thought you'd done something wrong, something..." "No." "I... no." "Okay, good, 'cause I just wanted you to know..." "As in better late than never..." "That it just, it wasn't anything of the sort." "I know." "I know that." "Why would I think that?" "I didn't." "Okay, then I am just reiterating for you, albeit a bit late in the game, that you did nothing wrong." "Great." "Fine." "Good." "It was me." "I needed to..." "Okay." "Tell me." "What did you need?" "Felt like, at the time, I wanted to have my freedom or maybe do the college thing somewhere other than over at community, and, uhh, maybe pursue my writing stuff, whatever." "And you were a girl that" "I could sort of look at, you know, uhh, take a glance at and maybe see her whole future." "Really?" "A bit, yeah." "And that's not a bad thing or anything." "It's not." "I just think, if I can say this..." "Oh, go for it." "You're on a roll." "History has proven me right." "It has." "I mean, you ended up pretty much like I figured you would." "Oh, really?" "Have I now?" "Well, kind of, I mean, with your husband doing what I would have guessed he'd be doing." "Any, you know, back then, when I'm just this scared teenager staring eternity in the face," "I could see myself with that produce manager's vest on." "And, you know, I suppose I got nervous." "And I backed out of the situation the best way I knew how." "He's not the produce manager." "He runs the store, the whole store." "Oh." "All right." "He's the store manager." "There's a difference." "Granted." "Sorry." "Forget it." "Is it..." "I mean, is it time for the kids or..." "You're not mad, are you?" "No, fine." "'Cause I didn't want to..." "No." "I said I'm fine, so just..." "I believed you." "So, why don't you just go ahead and believe me?" "All right, yeah, fine." "Okay, fine." "Take care." "Good to see you, I guess." "And that's it?" "That's the whole reason why we suddenly ended like that?" "Because you had a vision of spending your life working in some safeway?" "Pretty much, yeah." "I mean..." "Not some other girl?" "No." "I mean, I don't..." "I don't recall anybody else." "No, you don't?" "Uh-uh." "Okay, 'cause I always had this vague, you know, worry about that back then, back whenever." "No." "We were going out for, like..." "Two years, a little more." "And you never went to prom with anyone else, right?" "No, I even worked that night, on prom night, after we broke up, it was during..." "You, you broke it off." "Why can't you just say that?" "Oh, I don't even want to be thinking about this shit, not at all." "I don't." "I'm..." "I'm a mother now." "I'm..." "I'm a wife and a mother." "And this is all like ancient Greek history." "Why did you have to call me about this?" "Why... why would you do this to me?" "I wanted to, I don't know, to just make sure that we were okay." "Yes, we are okay." "We are a-okay." "Is that what you needed?" "Is that... is that enough for you to go back to your something special life in..." "Uhh, where..." "Where was it again?" "New York." "I have a place in Chelsea." "But I teach at... doesn't matter." "It's all New York City." "I wasn't talking about our prom." "The one I was referring to was the one at north central, that prom." "Oh, okay." "So, did you go there with someone to that prom?" "Not that I..." "I mean, this is, like, 15 years ago." "Please." "No, I did not ask anyone to that prom." "I didn't." "Okay." "That's not what I heard, but okay." "I..." "I think there was, uhh, some girl, some senior friend of, uhh..." "Remember that guy I knew from, like, kindergarten, Tim?" "Somebody?" "Anyways, him, and he did, he asked me to, uhh, just drop in, really just stop over with this one girl who was his date's friend, some tall girl, played volleyball." "See, now this is what I heard." "Nothing else, no." "We didn't even do pictures or, like, a corsage or anything." "It was not at all like that." "It was, like, more like a, uhh, you know, whatever you call it." "I don't know." "I'm dying to hear." "Uhh, a chaperone." "It was more that, really." "Her chaperone?" "Yeah, basically." "Okay, she was a senior." "I mean, you were a senior." "And she was a senior." "You know when your brother takes you to something, like a company..." "Listen." "I left here there." "I didn't even drive her home." "I thought we even talked about this once, over the summer." "No, we did not..." "Before..." "Not ever." "We talked about getting engaged, but not this." "Oh." "Okay, my mistake." "Yeah, apparently so." "And, no, I..." "I overheard it once, just a mention of it, one time, in the store." "You know, the store you almost ended up at in your vision." "I was in there, dropping off a lunch for my husband." "And I was looking at..." "I don't remember what now, some new endcap display, cookies or whatever." "And I hear a voice, this voice that I recognize, this blast from the past." "It is your mother, your mom, standing in the juice aisle, talking to some woman, some neighbourhood lady or from church." "And they are going on about the good old days like ladies do." "And, somehow, they get on the subject of prom came up." "So, off they go about this and that and..." "I didn't mean to." "I just kept standing there and listening." "And, boy, did I get an earful about you and us and lots..." "Lots of stuff." "And part of that stuff was about how nice you looked, how well you cleaned up, as she called it, for your big night, prom night." "So, imagine me standing next to the hearty fudge crunch, thinking "what night?" "I didn't have a big night."" "We didn't go to prom."" "But of course, she wasn't talking about me or us." "She was talking about you." "The night she was referring to was all about you and her, some girl." "Yeah." "I got to go." "Look, it's good to see you, honestly." "Yep, take care." "Okay, and if you want to..." "What?" "Nothing." "I was going to say if you'd like an email address or..." "Do you tweet?" "That suddenly felt overdue, couldn't help myself so..." "No, that's all right." "I mean, I..." "I'm just watching the news." "What page is she on, all right?" "Huh?" "What do you mean?" "In the yearbook, in the north central yearbook." "I don't..." "I mean... why?" "Just because." "My husband was a titan." "So, I have his." "He graduated from there?" "Yes." "What page is she?" "I mean, I'm not even..." "Just tell me, please." "Near the back, I think, last name was Tate, maybe." "Fine." "Thank you." "Bye." "Oh, hey." "Did I mention I'm getting married?" "Uhh, no." "You..." "You didn't." "Well, I am." "I'm getting, uhh..." "Married." "Huh." "Good for you." "?" "Ow, ow, ow" "?" "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow" "?" "ow, ow, ow" "?" "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow" "?" "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow" "?" "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow" "?" "ow, ow, ow, ow ow" "?" "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow" "?" "ow, ow" ""married"?" "Holy shit." "And New York magazine the same year." "Mm-hmm." "I just got to say though, you just never struck me as the, you know, type." "Well, I think I was a bit different when I was here, unfocussed." "I don't really think I was at my best in Chicago." "I'll bet she's hot, if I know you." "Umm, yeah, you know, yes, a very attractive woman, uhh, I mean, quite pretty like you or..." "She dark?" "Excuse me." "Colouring, I mean." "You always seemed to go for the brunettes, mostly, a redhead or two, but mostly dark." "Uhh, no." "Actually, she's blonde." "Well, highlights." ""Blonde", huh?" "A little change." "An appetite for adventure, I'd say." "Uhh, I don't know about that." "Come on." "You totally did, always had an eye for the toys and whatnot." "Remember?" "You even wanted me to try one of those, uhh, strap-ons." "I suppose, yes, that we did a few things sexually that were, uhh..." "And don't think I didn't notice a couple of our greatest hits in that little story of yours, which was naughty." "Mmm." "I don't want to force you." "I just..." "Well, you know..." "No." "What?" "I'm, uhh..." "I mean, I told you." "I'm going to be married." "That's all." "Exactly." "Excuse me?" ""That's all." I'm saying I don't care." "Get married." "Yeah, but" "I need to display some fidelity here." "You sound really thrilled about it." "Shut up." "I am." "Yeah." "I can tell." "Come on, seriously." "No, this is very hard." "What?" "This?" "Hey, Tyler, honestly, don't." "You shouldn't do that." "I know I shouldn't, completely aware of that." "But I hardly ever do it when I'm supposed to." "That's why my friends have a bunch of kids." "And I have fun." "Don't you like fun?" "Of course." "Sure I do, yes." "Hey, come on." "I've sort of taken this vow thing here." "I need to stick to it." "I see." "Okay." "What you're saying is you want to but you'll stop it for her, this blonde woman." "Right." "I don't want to let her down." "Even if it just happens here with nobody the wiser?" "I think so, yes." "Can I smoke in here?" "Uhh, yeah, I think." "It's a smoking room." "But I don't see an ashtray." "It's all right." "I'll use a glass." "I remember you didn't mind smoke so much." "It's true." "I sort of like it." "Here." "You want some blowback?" "Mmm." "Good stuff." "If this was a joint, we'd be flying soon." "Remember?" "Sure." "The good old days." "Hey." "Don't forget your vow thingy." "Right." "I still want you though." "Nice." "Good." "Yep, always did." "It's simple to forget guys." "But I never forgot you." "Isn't that funny?" "Yeah, I guess." "It is to me." "I mean, no of fence, but you weren't, like, this amazing person or anything." "Oh." "You were just this dude." "We spent however long together." "And yet, I think about you." "Okay, see, and that was, uhh, a part of the deal here, why I got a hold of you." "Uhh, I just wanted to see if we could talk." "Absolutely." "Great, okay." "So, uhh..." "This ought to be good." "Yeah, let's hope, right?" "Umm, here's the deal." "Do I want to hear this?" "Sure, it's no big." "What I've done is start to travel around a bit here and there and, umm, stop in on a few old girlfriends..." "Okay." "Uhh, do a check-in, you know, get caught up to date with them and make sure we are, uhh, you know, no harm, no foul." "How many?" "What?" "I'm saying how many little stops are you making?" "You can round it off if you want to." "Uhh, just..." "Just three for right now, maybe four." "It's expensive." "So, I'm just doing the, umm, pulse work on everybody's schedule and all that, so..." "Huh." "Interesting." "Figured it would be a good way to start my new life, this whole thing I'm about to embark on." "It's not a cruise." "True, "embark"" "probably not the exact word I'm looking for." "What are you looking for?" "I don't know, some other word." "No, I mean by doing this." "What are you trying to do here?" "Hell, I don't know, right a wrong or whatever." "I just..." "It's just this general sense of this that keeps gnawing at me, a kind of faint memory of hurting, of me hurting, or being hurt." "I don't know." "No." "I..." "I don't... nope." "Good." "That's good because I do feel it in a strange way." "I don't know how to articulate it." "But it's there." "That's the deal when you're a writer, I guess." "Doesn't matter how much it stings or how painful it is for the other people in your life, you just can't let shit go." "You got to turn it over, study it, poke it, you know?" "Sell it?" "No." "I mean, not always, no." "Well, yeah, at times, some scrap of life might find its way into a story." "And that may get sold." "But, hey..." "Anyway, no." "It was nothing like that." "I mean, unless you did something to me in my sleep or..." "What's that mean?" "I..." "I'm only joking around." "Okay." "God." "Must be nerves." "Shit." "Hope she's worth it, this fiancée person." "I think so, yes." "Hmm." "You think?" "Or you know?" "Well, that's just it." "I don't know." "With you, it just feels..." "Oh, forget it." "No, go ahead." "I can take it." "Well, I'm sorry if this hurts you at all." "But I'm not so sure my being here is about us or anything," "I mean, the relationship I had with you." "This hurt thing I mentioned a minute ago that I was just talking about is..." "Oh, God." "You know what." "What?" "I think it's about her." "Who? "Her" who?" "Umm, nothing, no one, some girl, this person before you, the girl I left for you." "See, I think I came here feeling like I did something to you, all this hurt stuff." "But it's really her I'm thinking about." "I think I felt so shitty about what I did to her by leaving that I..." "I plunged in with you physically." "But that whole time, I was really feeling..." "I don't know, something bad," "I guess, about her." "Wow." "I suck." "Well, that answers that." "What?" "I wasn't always stoned." "There were lots of phone calls you made in the first few months, I mean, lots." "I'd catch you doing it sometimes right after you hung up." "And you would make up this elaborate lies about it." "But I knew what you were doing." "Look." "It's never cool to be second in a relationship, you know?" "It's not." "And I was a distant second for a bit." "But then you started coming around." "So, what the hell, just go on and let things happen." "It's fine." "But, yeah, I think you're right." "That shit hurts." "You bad boy, you." "Mmm." "Want a little more?" "No tongue." "Little smoke, then we should..." "We should probably..." "Here we go." "?" "What of the poor boy all the time ?" "?" "There was no boy" "?" "that obsessed in mind" "?" "obsessed over girls and that'll always find something ?" "?" "That girl" "?" "one is waiting on a girl we know ?" "?" "He set a course for India" "?" "no complaints, just a fake corn rye ?" "?" "And a sweater" "?" "music lessons were not in line ?" "?" "Monsoon season was not enough ?" "?" "To deny her so, the prodigal son returns." "This is the part where you say something charming in return." "That's how it works." "That's why they call it "banter"." "Right." "It's fun to be back here, in our old room, 427." "Uh-huh, that's true." "Lots of memories, lots." "Yes, you're right about that." "I do have a number of memories about this room, this place." "And some of them didn't even end up in your article." "It's astonishing to me how vampiric you people are, how cannibalistic, writers, God." "It's just fiction, Lindsay." "Well, whatever lets you sleep at night." "It was..." "What was the name of it again?" ""The calculus of desire"." "Oh, right, nice, lyrical." "And is there anything new out there that I should be aware of?" "Uhh, no." "But I'm..." "Hey, well, the movie rights just sold." "Oh, goody." "I do remember this fondly though, being here." "Me too." "I never even liked Boston until I met you." "Really?" "That's a shame." "At the time, just out of school and at my first teaching gig," "I was..." "Lost?" "That's what you used to say to me." "You were lost." "I was." "I think I was too young." "That was part of it anyhow." "I was just way too young to be teaching some grad lit course." "I was a year younger than you when I started here, with a dissertation to finish." "But still, can you imagine that?" "No, it's wild." "Well, it was a different time, yes, a different era at least." "We all cared a bit more." "We were all a bit more committed or something." "That's what they say, the '70s." "I started in the '80s, in the late '80s." "Oh." "Sorry." "'89." "Right." "Doesn't matter." "It has nothing to do with this, actually." "I'm just going on here because..." "Why are we here?" "Because of this wedding?" "Yeah, and, uhh, anyhow, I felt the need." "Well, that's nice, I suppose." "It's lovely to know that our time with one another meant something more to you than paycheque from a publisher." "It is that..." "Listen." "I know you have no reason to trust me here." "It's certainly been a while but..." "Well, that's..." "That's part of this." "That's part of the confusing side." "You called me at work, my work." "My point is you didn't need to do that." "You're getting married." "I'm still married." "I know." "Believe me." "I know." "Well, then why do it?" "After everything that happened, all we went through, why risk that?" "Huh?" "Why do that to me?" "I don't know." "I'm sorry." "I thought that..." "He still works there, right?" "Yes, of course." "He's..." "He's the Dean now." "Right, and, you know," "I thought I might run into him or whatever, sort of see him in the hallway, make a scene." "And I didn't want that for you." "You left at the end of that second semester." "So, you..." "You probably have no idea, no real sense of how hard things were for me back there for a while, after we were spotted." "Not really, no." "You never called to check, not once, not one single time." "True enough." "I did ring you a coup..." "But I would always hang up before, so, yeah, yeah." "We got caught." "And you ran off, leaving me behind." "I did do that, Lindsay." "I'm very sorry." "And that's kind of why I'm here, back in the area, before I go off and get all married myself." "To become the jealous husband?" "The cuckold?" "Well, I hope not, but yeah, yes." "I deserve that." "Can I get a drink of something?" "Of course, sure." "Geez, I'm an idiot for not, uhh..." "Water?" "Is that..." "Yeah, fine." "It's Fiji." "Is that all right?" "I have nothing against Fiji." "Well, not the islands, anyway." "I'm glad you came." "Me too." "It's important." "Yep." "I agree." "No, I..." "I don't mean for us:" "For him." "Who?" "For my husband." "It's an awfully big step, his letting me come here." "I don't follow." "He urged me to see you." "He's waiting downstairs for me." "Huh?" "Sitting out front in our Subaru." "Oh, shit." "Yes, he really wanted me to do this." "He felt that I needed to." "So, you told him what?" "Everything, about you contacting me, about you wanting to meet me here." "You did?" "Yes." "Well, he already knew about before." "Wow." "May I ask why?" "Not really, not if you're asking me if you have the right to ask." "Then I'd say no, you don't." "You lost most of your rights with me when you took off." "And you lost the rest of them when you wrote about it." "Whereas he stuck with me." "He stayed in a relationship that I had completely and totally betrayed with a man that he had hired, given a job to." "I know that." "The big question now is why are you here?" "So that I can say that I'm..." "You know, to let you know that I am sorry." "Oh." "Okay, fine." "Well, why don't you go down to the car and tell him that?" "I don't... probably not prepared to do that at this time." "No, I didn't imagine that you would be." "It's not why he came, anyway." "No?" "No." "He came to support me." "I think older men are very giving in that way." "Yes." "He's quite special." "God, that probably sounds really bad coming out of my mouth, doesn't it?" "Pretty much, yes." "I could tell as I was saying it." "Well, at least you felt it." "That's something." "Now, what exactly, if you don't mind, are you sorry for?" "For all the... what you said, for running off..." "And I did get another job so it was not technically running... but took off when things came out." "So, not for doing it?" "Not that?" "Uhh, no." "I mean, yes, that was probably wrong too but..." "So, mostly, you're just sorry for us getting caught?" "Being found out?" "Overall, mostly that, and for the leaving you hanging part too." "I see." "I never meant for anyone to get hurt by it." "That was not my intention." "Very rarely is that the intention behind an affair." "But it's almost always the result:" "Hurt, someone being hurt." "Yeah, I think I've..." "Okay, listen." "Maybe we should just..." "Oh, you want to get going, right?" "That's your m.O., isn't it?" "When the going gets tough..." "Tough get going, right?" "No, I was going to say "run away and hide like a bloody child."" "Listen, Lindsay." "I know you have every right to resent me and resent how I left things." "But I am here to make amends, some sort of complete reparation for all my behaviours." "I told him that I'd do that." "Getting back to this making-it-all-better notion, that deal..." "All right." "What do you propose?" "Well, I..." "I mean, I hadn't given it too much, uhh..." "The specifics..." "I didn't imagine that you had." "This is just a big idea to you, isn't it?" "This hoping to make it all better?" "A grand gesture..." "I do want to though." "You want to?" "Or you're going to?" "I will, yes." "Because I don't want you just to try." "It only works if you actually do it, no matter what." "No, you're right, okay." "I'm going to." "Good." "That's very good." "So, how do we go about it?" "How do you help me get back some of the dignity that I lost?" "Just a little piece of it back?" "You know, I suppose I could go out there and, uhh, to the car and talk to him, you know, if that's what you really, really want, uhh, something like that." "No, I..." "I think you're right." "It doesn't really even out after all this time." "Yeah, I don't see what we gain by it." "So, I don't know why..." "Do you want to know what, uhh, he thinks, my husband, what he thinks you should do?" "No." "What?" "This woman that you're marrying, you haven't said much about her." "Well, there's nothing much to tell, really." "She'd probably be surprised to hear that." "Well, I just mean not..." "Not so much." "You know, she's studying to be a nurse and just, uhh, some girl, this girl that I'm..." "I mean, she's terrific." "She's definitely that but..." "What?" "She's what?" "I'm just not really so keen to drag her into this." "I see." "She's younger than me, right?" "Hmm?" "Younger than me?" "Uhh, yeah, yes." "She's 23, in April." "How nice, youth." "Back when it was over," "I was sure that that was one of the reasons, well, the main reason that you didn't stay, that you left me, my age." "No." "I... no." "That's what I told myself anyway, what I imagined, that it wasn't for a real reason, some reason that actually mattered, but because I was older than you." "I liked your age." "I did." "And the fact that your bride-to-be is younger kind of nails it for me." "Lindsay..." "I mean, sort of." "Lindsay, it really wasn't." "Tell me something." "What do you think would be the most hurtful thing that we could do to her?" "Listen." "I don't even want to..." "What if you cheated on her?" "What?" "I mean, she'd hate it." "What do you think?" "That's what my husband thinks." "He said the same thing." "And I agree." "I agree with that because it..." "Because it's the other person who feels the pain." "Right, right." "Maybe we should just..." "And since you have promised to make everything all better, that's what we'd like you to do." "I'm not following you." "We would like you to sleep with me again now." "What?" "Why?" "Because you don't want to and she wouldn't want you to." "But I don't see where that..." "Do you want the drapes open or closed?" "Lindsay, look, I realize that you're mad, okay?" "I get that now." "Oh, good." "I'm glad that's coming across for you." "Yes, I understand." "But I..." "I cannot do this." "No, I can't." "Yes, you can." "No." "I said yes." "And I said no, okay?" "I mean, I could do this all day long if you'd like." "But I do want to do something here." "I do." "You said you would." "You said you'd make it up to me." "I know." "I know I did." "But I can't." "You can." "And you will." "You will do this while my husband sits downstairs in our outback and waits for me." "Why would I do that?" "And you, why would you want to?" "Does she know about this?" "What?" "Does who know?" "This little tour you're doing, all these stops you're making." "What do you mean?" "You know very well what I mean." "Does your girlfriend know about this?" "No." "God, no." "Shall we call her?" "It's Alex, isn't it?" "My husband tracked her down." "Lindsay, Lindsay, no, hey, stop." "Oh!" "Well, then I'd get my pants off if I were you." "But I can't do this." "Yes, you can." "You are quite capable of fucking me." "You used to do it all the time, every moment that I'd let you." "I really..." "Always here, in this room..." "Our special place, where'd come in between classes." "Do you remember?" "We were nice as a couple, I think." "But it wasn't that that kept me coming back." "It was your promise of a future, that you'd whisper about, lying there, with our eyes closed." "That's what I was in love with, tomorrow." "All those tomorrows that you kept offering me." "I remember them." "I'm sure you do." "All of that comes very easily when it's a complete lie." "It's simply a fiction and as whimsical as a fairy tale." "Oh, God, you were good at it." "An expert at making an honest, practical woman like me fall for it, gobble it up." "And then one call, one single call from a colleague, could make it all go away;" "Your courage, your bravado." "I guess that's why you teach it and write it;" "Fiction." "It's what you deal in as a person." "He's not going to come up here in the middle of this, is he?" "No." "For pictures or anything?" "Not come bursting in in the middle of all this?" "I promise." "Because that would suck." "Will you tell her?" "What are you..." "Of course not." "Good." "Then you'll have to live with it, like I did, carry it around." "Until I came clean." "I can't believe this." "Shh..." "We can talk later..." "Later, when we're done." "After..." "You can tell me all about it." "All about what?" "The future, the future that I'm about to miss." "Come on." "Here." "I know you care." "Close your eyes, let yourself go." "Tell me something." "Tell me something that you remember about us, here." "Keep your eyes closed." "Okay." "I can see us, uh..." "I mean, recall us on Thursdays." "On each Thursday that first, uh..." "That semester before Christmas." "I was going off at the holidays it was killing us for me to have to do that, but I promised my folks I would." "And the two of you, you and your husband, who was on sabbatical in the fall and you'd agreed to meet him over in england." "Right before I had to leave, like an hour before we both had to fly out, we met here." "Rolling around in the sheets, no idea if we could make it out to Logan and not even caring." "God..." "We weren't worried about the future." "No, it..." "It was so perfect." "It was just..." "?" "stack of bibles, burn the black in your eyes ?" "?" "Swallowed the truth, so I could burn in your light ?" "?" "My fever's broken, but I'm still feeling cold ?" "?" "You stole my heart, you couldn't handle my soul ?" "?" "Cut out the cancer and you're left with the hole ?" "Nice." "You're right." "It's a really nice view from here." "I thought so." "Corner room makes all the difference." "I bet it does." "Hey..." "I gotta say," "I really wasn't expecting to hear from you." "Well, I was your brother's best friend." "I mean, Kelly and I were always really close." "Not lately though." "No, that's true." "Not so much in the past, uh..." "Fifteen years." "Right, right." "Yeah, not for awhile." "Not for, uh, a decade or so." "But this is..." "I mean, it isn't by happenstance or however they call it, right?" "Is that a word, "happenstance?"" "Yeah, I think so or something like it, very close to that." "Well, you're the big time writer." "Teacher, really." "I... well, both." "Now I am both." "Anyhow..." "You're not here by "that-chance" or anything are you?" "I mean... you're here in Seattle for me, aren't you?" "Isn't that what you said?" "That's true." "I did say that." "Anyway..." "I didn't tell him the whole thing." "I fibbed a little." "When I talked to Kelly," "I told him you called me up out of the blue." "Which is true." "Yes." "But it just made him ask more questions." "Like, "why hadn't you called him in so long?"" "You know..." "Brother crap." "No." "Sure, that's natural." "Yeah." "He said he'd wanted to talk to you, ever since you had done that story he read." "He even emailed me a copy." "And I guess he wrote you or something, to your agent maybe?" "And he never heard back, which bummed him out..." "A lot." "He asked me to..." "Give you this." "Here." "It's his work number and stuff." "Oh, thanks." "No." "I never..." "I would have seen it, if..." "It doesn't really matter." "He was just surprised, that's all." "Well, I'll check with..." "Maybe I'm mixed in with a bunch of other, uh..." "I have not been so good about keeping up with everyone from school." "Gosh, you want to know a secret?" "I'm not even on Facebook." "It's no biggie." "It gets hard." "I'm only 26, it's already hard." "Is that what you are?" "Are you 26?" "Wow!" "Wow, time just, you know?" "Yup." "It flies." "That's the one." "You look a lot older." "Yeah, yeah, I suppose I do." "I must, though." "I mean, sure." "You do too, although not..." "Yeah, well, I was a kid." "I mean, a child, really." "But you were..." "I can remember exactly what you looked like back then, exactly and I just always had this..." "Image in my mind of you." "I mean..." "Yeah." "No, no, I get it." "And so, for the last few days," "I've been imagining you, but..." "It's a much younger guy that I knew back then." "Sure." "I'm not keeping you from something, am I?" "No, no." "God, no." "I forgot the date and I have..." "Stuff." "Ah..." "You're not really good at making stuff up, are you?" "Not really." "No, not for some man who makes a living doing it." "Exactly, no." "I stand before you an accused man." "Not yet." "What?" "Nothing." "I'm kidding." "You... want anything?" "Um, I'll take a beer, if they have one." "Uh, corona or bud?" "Pretty generic selection, I'm afraid, for such a swanky..." "Corona." "Okay." "Oh, super cold." "Hope that's okay." "Hey, I'm not English." "I turned out to be a complicated girl, but at least I don't drink warm beer." "Right, yeah." "No wonder the colonized the world." ""Some ice, some ice!" "My kingdom for some ice!"" "That was dumb." "I'm sorry." "No." "I just don't get it." "What's that from?" "Richard III, Shakespeare." "Right." ""A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse."" "Why's he want it so badly?" "Oh, uh, he's about to be killed for all the bad stuff he's done, so he's trying to escape." "How appropriate." "That's a good one." "I'm lost." "What are you...?" "He sounds a lot like you." "Or at least you in your story." "So, you've read, uh... a that email, remember?" "Right." "Your character in that, all those run-ins with women and his defence is just to run away, get out through a window, whatever it takes to save his own skin." "Right, but mostly that's for comic effect, irony and all that, uh, the repetition of a motif." "The hasty exit, it's a classic, sort of, uh..." "Still, I don't think that you just made it all up." "Mostly I did, yeah." "It's satire and it's a send up of sexual politics as well." "It's based on candide." "Got it." "Whatever you say, Shakespeare." ""Shakespeare..." That's a good one." "Well, you always did want to be a writer, didn't you?" "Yeah." "I mean, I think so, yeah, in some ways." "But you can't possibly remember that, no way." "You'd be surprised." "I remember a lot of things." "Sure, but I don't even..." "I used to watch you." "You were my favourite of Kelly's friends." "And so, yeah," "I'd follow you guys, spy on you." "I overheard a bunch of things you wouldn't even remember." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah." "I was really stealthy." "A regular little mata hari." "Well, don't... you forget what happened to her." "She was killed or something." "Yeah, she was executed for being a, uh..." "For being a spy." "Yeah, but, like, a sexy one." "Uh, sure." "Like me." "I mean," "I turned out kind of sexy." "Don't you think?" "Just like, objectively speaking." "Um..." "Damn, come on." "Give a girl a little credit here." "Of course you are, Reggie." "I just..." "You're my friend's little sister, you're Kelly's sis." "That never stopped you before." "Look..." "Listen." "Yes, Reggie, you have turned out to be a very beautiful woman, okay?" "You have." "But you're not just some gal here." "You and I are..." "Connected?" "No." "I was going to say..." "I mean, yes, we are that, grew up together in the same neighbourhood and all." "But no, we..." "You said you were thinking about getting a hold of me." "Yup, that's right." "Yeah?" "How come?" "Seriously." "You know." "I guess so." "But why now?" "Why so much later in life?" "Just cause." "I even wrote about it in my journal..." "Back then." "Yeah, I've promised myself we would talk about it one day." "I was looking at it not too long ago and it said that "we'd better talk about it or else!"" ""Or else" was even underlined." "Really?" "Hey, I was a kid." "What can I say?" "I didn't even know you kept a journal at eleven." "Yup." "I wanted to be a writer too, because of you." "No." "It's true." "But, I mean, isn't that what you do now?" "Or..." "Sort of." "Journalist anyway, but mostly freelance." "Yeah, still." "That's..." "It's whatever." "It pays the bills." "I do mostly human interest stories, stuff like that..." "Stories like ours." "What do you mean?" "Nothing." "No, I mean," "I'd never do it, but this would make a hell of a story;" "Us meeting again after all of these years, what you ended up doing, me, how things affected me, who I turned out to be." "You know..." "Like you did in your story." "Except without all the..." "What do you call them?" "Motifs?" "Reggie, I..." "I think maybe we should talk." "We are." "This is what we're doing." "Talking..." "Yeah, I know that, but..." "Just like I promised we would in my journal," ""or else."" "Uh-huh." "We are talking about the same thing, right?" "When I was..." "Yeah." "What happened the night you slept over, my twelfth birthday." "Yeah, that's..." "'Cause my mom wanted Kelly to have you stay with us, so that he wouldn't bug us girls during the party." "That's when it happened." "All that we..." "I mean, it was just a kiss, that's all." "That's all?" "Yes." "I'm sorry." "I can't help it." "I'm a journalist, so I sort of stick to the facts." "You know, I didn't mean anything by it." "Wow." "Not that it wasn't good." "You enjoyed it?" "No, no." "Um..." "You didn't?" "I did." "No, I mean, I didn't..." "Did I enjoy it in some sexual way or whatnot?" "No." "But of course it was nice." "It was nice?" "Yeah." "I..." "I mean, it only lasted for a few..." "It was a kiss, a full kiss, on my mouth, twelve year old lips." "Eleven, technically." "I was still actually only eleven years old." "I know that." "Good." "I'm glad." "And what else?" "Else?" "What else do you remember?" "Or should I take this up with someone else?" "You know, my mom or Kelly, the authorities?" "Please don't do that." "I need some closure." "Fine, fine." "Then, okay." "I will, yes." "But just don't do that." "Then tell me." "We... it was so long ago that I..." "You know, I guess..." "Why did you come here?" "Tell me that." "Why did you come here to Seattle?" "Because I felt like I wanted to..." "I needed to maybe... what?" "What?" "What did you need?" "To maybe..." "I needed to get this off my chest with you." "Before I get married and everything," "I just, I wanted to talk about things and say, "yes." "I think about this"," ""play around with it in my head, so she must too." "So, we ought to..."" "And then that's about as far I ever got with it, but I do think about it, Reggie." "I do, often." "Well, that's good." "That's good to hear." "And this is the truth." "I was in town recently, a week or so ago, for this conference thingy I attend and I happened to see you, just crossing the road in front of me, like something out of a movie." "I just..." "I couldn't stop thinking about it." "I called and I flew back here, so that we could..." "Whatever, maybe have a moment like this one." "I get it." "Do you remember touching my ass?" "No." "Reggie, honestly, no." "I don't." "Because you did, that night when everybody else was asleep." "You and I were in the kitchen and we were talking and laughing." "You were probably making fun of me, like usual." "And then somehow, I don't know, just all of a sudden, you were right there, uh, in my face." "And I was scared, but I didn't leave," "I didn't pull away or anything." "And, um, it was a like a truth or dare or something, like in spin the bottle, no big deal." "But then..." "I kissed you." "Yeah, we kissed." "Suddenly, I was aware of..." "Things, of... of me." "And I kissed you back." "Just for a few moments, but we were doing it like..." "like some couple." "We were kissing and you whispered," ""I'm going to marry you someday."" "You said that and then I felt your hand on my, um..." "Down on..." "I didn't mean to, Reggie." "Your hand was there, slipping into my panties and you..." "I..." "You made me all, um..." "That was too much." "You did that to me and I looked at you..." "I can remember looking right into..." "Those beautiful eyes of yours and um..." "I..." "Anyway, afterwards," "I went back up to my friends, to all my sleeping friends..." "Who were still just girls..." "Some girls I was never going to be like again." "Not ever." "And the next day, I was looking for you, just to see what you were thinking, talk to you, smile at you, something." "But you had already gone home." "You snuck back down the street to your place." "You ran away." "Jesus, Reggie..." "I am so, so sorry if you feel like I'm responsible." "What?" "I don't know." "I didn't even get to the end of that thought." "I just figured I would get it out there while the getting was good." "At least you're funny." "Sort of." "You're always funny." "Thanks." "It's a very..." "Thank you." "We were just..." "It's okay, I think." "You know, I mean, we probably shouldn't have done it, let it happen, but..." "You know, we were just kids." "Don't say that." "Don't-don't-don't say it like that, "kids."" "What do you mean?" "I was a kid, me." "I was a little girl, but you weren't." "You were not a child at all, uh-uh." "You were sixteen." "No, I-I..." "September, 23rd of September, my birthday, remember?" "Three days from now." "You were already sixteen." "Yeah, I know, but..." "You were a man." "I don't care." "No matter how you spin it, you were a man." "Okay, so maybe you couldn't vote or go to war, but you had a car and everything." "You totally knew what was going on." "You had no right doing that to me." "Not that night or ever." "Reggie..." "No, you're right." "I guess I just need to tell you about it, what happened then and how it affected me." "It's just, um, damn hard," "I don't know, to let it go, I suppose..." "To let you go." "I get it, I do and I'm so glad you did this, told me that." "So, that's it?" "We're just gonna, like, walk away?" "Listen, I don't care what you do to me, I'm saying." "If you want to call someone, your brother or the police even, then that's fine, so be it." "I swear to you, at the time," "I didn't realize." "You know, you're laughing, we're laughing and it's your birthday and so, I decided to..." "Give you this kiss, this little, innocent kiss, but it..." "So forgive me, please." "That is what I would like, is for you to find some way in your heart to forgive me, because..." "I'd just really appreciate it." "Okay, then." "It's off the list." "You're free to go." "That's what a woman kisses like." "You feel the difference?" "Yes, I do." "Then good." "?" "Bigger than the sea, bigger than me ?" "?" "Love is so wide, it's bigger than the tide ?" "?" "And I'm exploding inside" "?" "I trust another boy, he held me out to dry ?" "?" "And used me for a good time and made me lose my mind ?" "?" "And I feel cold here in this house ?" "?" "You say" "?" "you said I'm lovely" "?" "but that doesn't matter" "?" "that doesn't matter" "?" "you say" "?" "you said that you loved me" "?" "but that doesn't matter anymore ?" "It wasn't tomorrow, was it?" "I left the paper there with the details on the counter and then when you answered at the door with your hair all wet, you know..." "Sorry." "No, no." "You're just a bit on the early side, that's all." "Anyway, hello." "Oh, you look great." "Hi..." "There." "You do too." "You're..." "Thanks." "Oh, God!" "It's..." "Hello." "Hi, stranger." "Yeah, stranger." "That's a good one." "No, it was today." "Good." "This is it, yes." "Yup." "Is that dior or something?" "That's great." "Jeez, you look..." "Well, you know, fantastic." "Thanks." "You really do." "Your hair, it's..." "Uh, the same as always, highlights." "But it's longer though." "My, uh, whatever you call it, my fiancée, she's got those." "Oh, really?" "Well, not exactly like that." "She's just got some right here, calls it "framing her face."" "That's..." "Hmm..." "Not as stylish as yours though." "Your boyfriend..." "I mean, if you're with anyone now, must really love..." "I'm not." "You know, on the way over here," "I had a crazy idea that she'd be with you, the two of you and I'd have to, you know, be on display or something." "I don't know." "No." "God, I would never do that." "Well, I didn't know what to think." "You calling me up and my parents and then that email with all those details?" "I don't know." "I'm sorry, but I would never do that, uh-uh, make you feel all uncomfortable." "So, I was one of them, huh?" "The lucky ones." "Well, I don't know about lucky, but, uh, yes, Bobbi." "You came all the way here to L.A., just because you dreamed about it once?" "That's why?" "Not just that, just a dream." "I'm saying that I, you know," "I really considered it there, for a moment, pursuing that." "My sister?" "Yes, pursuing that." "But we're..." "I mean, we're the same." "Well, not exactly, no." "We're twins, identical twins." "I understand." "So, it would be like the same..." "But..." "It'd be the same." "It couldn't be." "I mean, not exactly the same." "No, but, like, almost identical." "We're twins." "I know that." "I get that part." "It's weird." "I just..." "It is hard to explain." "And that's how I ended up here, by you just dreaming about it?" "Basically." "It felt wrong when I started to think it through, so I figured I would just come down and let you know that." "It's been awhile." "Yes." "I'm not great with letters and stuff." "No, not for a writer." "True." "I heard you had a story in something recently?" "Yes." "I never saw it." "No, you didn't?" "Uh... it went over well, yeah." "I was very well received." "Um, I'm sure I've got a copy in my..." "No, that's okay." "No?" "I don't read much, not anymore, except x-rays." "Right." "So, anyway, yes." "You start to make all these plans, wedding plans and your life begins..." "Part of your life, anyways, begins to come back up for you." "Like vomit?" "No." "But it kind of eats away at you, as your picking out your tux and your Cancun tickets." "So I just thought I would try to jump in there and try to right some wrongs, be proactive about it." "So, how many people are you seeing?" "You're the fourth." "Well, no." "I actually..." "No, yeah." "This is the fourth stop." "And I'm sorry, I'm a little slow here." "But I'm here because of..." "Because of the Billie thing?" "No, because you're important to me." "See, I started by making a chart." "Um, are you sure you want to hear this?" "Oh, yeah." "Okay." "I realized pretty quickly that, well, basically, I had a fair number of women to choose from, a group of many." "Do you understand?" "Lots." "And I wrote down the names of the ones that I felt remotely responsible for our problems." "After a bunch of revisions..." "Yeah?" "I narrowed it down to, like, the finals, the top five or so, the ones that I felt were truly instrumental, pivotal." "Huh..." "I mean, essential..." "To me and where I'm at now as a person." "I see." "Well, I'm glad I made the cut." "What are you..." "Bobbi, I mean, you were easily up near the front." "You-you were the front." "Do you..." "I'm a little..." "Do you want anything?" "So, you never heard about her?" "Who?" "My sister." "No." "I remember she was going to go do that internship over in Europe." "Mm-hmm, she did." "That's great." "She went for a couple of months." "Nice." "She came back and went to Stanford, actually." "That's a good school." "And then she got the..." "She got cancer." "Shit." "What?" "Yeah." "Really?" "Leukemia and died." "I think that's what drove me to get into medicine." "I..." "Jesus, Bobbi." "I'm sorry." "The funny thing was, of all the, you know, people she knew, because she was a really popular girl, Billie, those last few days, when she was rolling in and out of..." "Billie was asking for you." "She wanted you." "What?" "She did." "I don't... why would she?" "I don't know." "And that's what I could never figure out." "But then when you emailed and said that..." "Bobbi, nothing..." "I'm telling the truth here." "Nothing happened." "I never..." "Are you sure?" "No." "I mean, yes, absolutely, of course." "This is a horrible shock." "Oh, my God." "Well, don't take it too hard." "I'm just messing with you." "She lives up near Santa Barbara." "What are you..." "I mean, wh..." "Look, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it." "I mean, why the hell would you do that?" "Oh, come on, please." "Listen to yourself." ""Right some wrongs?"" "I am." "You are..." "I mean, I'm trying to." "You're looking up old girlfriends, that's all your doing." "No, I'm not." "Don't, seriously." "I mean, we're grownups here, for the most part, at least I am." "Jesus!" "That is not a nice thing to do." "Don't do that!" "God!" "Cancer?" "Look, you're an okay guy." "I liked you a lot, back however many years ago, but I don't want this other memory, this thing you're doing here, to be the last image I have of you." "I don't." "I just wanted to say that I've really been thinking about this and I had to see you to look in your face..." "See me, talk to me, ask for my sister's number, shit, I don't care." "Just don't do some pathetic thing, like pretending to smooth things over..." "I'm not..." "As if you're just dying inside to make it all good between us." "I am." "Don't do that." "I really do want to." "I do." "Bobbi, I've always wanted to." "This is not one of those moments where I'm really hoping that you'll kiss me, okay?" "What I was trying to do in this case, was to let you know that I never did that, okay?" "Went after your sister." "Or anybody else for that matter, because I liked you so much." "I respected you." "I see." "And did you lose respect for me when you got out there to Chicago or something?" "Because all that respect you had for me..." "No, not at all." "Then how come I didn't hear from you?" "That's the one thing" "I never could quite..." "I mean, you just took off." "Because I..." "I met someone." "Oh." "Yes." "I met this other, uh..." "I sort of hooked up with another girl out there and well, you know how I feel about the whole monogamy thing, so..." "You were supposed to be being monogamous with me." "Right, but I..." "So, you just ran off with her?" "I mean, who was she?" "That you would just..." "Just a girl." "Just some..." "Some girl, that's all." "Some girl that you..." "Yes, that I did that to you with." "It was a mistake." "I have a little bit of a history there, doing that kind of thing." "See, now I get it." "After all this time, I now get what one phone call would have taken care of." "I should have called you." "You know, I tried to dozens of times..." "That would have helped." "And I kept hanging up." "I would ring you and then I would chicken out." "I didn't want you not to like me." "But you didn't really want me to like you though either." "True?" "Sort of." "It was complicated." "So, you sort of, just disappeared on me there." "I mean, I figured it out that you must have..." "Yeah, I went with a clean break." "I didn't want to muddy it up with a bunch of talking." "Okay." "Um..." "I think..." "Well, I think we're probably done here, aren't we?" "What?" "No." "Here." "It's a gift certificate for Williams-sonoma." "No, I can't accept..." "You said you're registered there." "Stop it." "I can't accept it." "Just take it." "Look, please don't be an asshole about this too, all right?" "Listen, listen, listen." "Just take it." "What I said before was true, my reason for being here." "Yeah, really?" "Yes, absolutely." "I can't go forward in whatever, my life or any of that, without us first getting to the..." "Listen, listen." "Bobbi, please don't let a misunderstanding from the past, this sort of rotten behaviour on my side, ruin our reunion here." "I do feel bad about what I did to you, my part in all that." "Which part?" "The fantasies about my sister?" "Or the dumping me for some other girl at random part?" "Probably all of it." "What?" "If I was to really examine it, to really, really get down..." "You never really do, do you?" "The work, I mean." "Not ever." "Well, what is this if it's not me trying to?" "Oh, this isn't work." "No, not what you're doing here." "Don't say that." "I am trying..." "You're making sure you haven't missed out on something." "That's exactly what you're doing." "No, I'm not." "Yes, you want to know that this nurse of yours..." "Isn't that what you said she studies?" "That she's the best deal you can get, that she's the nicest, the sweetest, the prettiest." "No, that's not true." "Bullshit!" "Bullshit." "I know you." "I'd just love..." "Ew." "What?" "To know how many you actually had on your..." "Seriously, how many?" "How many girls?" "I mean, I bet the sum total is pretty staggering." "Think whatever you want." "Oh, I will." "Okay, go ahead, do." "I do and I'm going to." "Fine." "Jesus Christ, can we at least be civilized about this?" "I mean, God, even if we just end up as, you know..." "Friends?" "You were not just about to say that, were you?" "Huh?" "What..." "I don't need any friends." "Or, let me be more specific." "I do not need you." "Well, that is not very nice." "Well, I wasn't trying to be nice, not at all." "I'm serious." "I mean, why would I want to be pals with you?" "Huh?" "Buddies?" "Especially now." "I barely wanted to see you." "God!" "You were always this grandiose guy, but I had no idea, not until this moment, that it might actually be pathological." "So, no, I think friends is off the list." "Shit." "Look, I..." "What?" "I always meant well." "Fuck you." "That's pathetic." "Oppenheimer meant well, pol pot meant well." "It's not about the meaning." "It's about the doing." "Guys always mean well, right before they screw somebody over." "Come on." "What?" "That is not, uh..." "Not what?" "Not what?" "!" "You think it's all right, just because it's one person rather than a dozen or a million?" "When-when is hurting okay?" "Only when you say so?" "Or is it just open season?" "All of us going at it, in any way we see fit?" "Look, I am not saying it's okay to hurt..." "Seriously..." "But you can't, you cannot equate, like, some war with me not calling you." "Why not?" "Who says I can't?" "In fact, I already did, just now and I'm going to stand by it, I am, because when you do what you do, which it sounds like you've done a lot, people get hurt, injured." "A bit of them, some piece, it dies." "They lose something that will never come back, not ever, this part that you decide you just take from them and damage, piss on." "I didn't take anything." "You did!" "From me you did." "Maybe not what you thought, but you did do that." "And you didn't care." "You didn't even look back." "And that, it makes you more than just an ex-boyfriend." "You're like a killer or an assassin or some emotional terrorist, who..." "No." "You know... you know what the truth of it is?" "All the stuff you do, it makes you a not very nice person." "And that's as bad as it gets, as far as I'm concerned." "Bobbi, this is not what I wanted to happen." "Well then, surprise." "Wait a second." "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "Just wait a second." "Please don't leave." "Listen, I ran away and all that shit." "Yes, I know that." "But I did look back." "I have been searching for a way back ever since." "Bobbi, my entire life since knowing you, it's been devoted to finding somebody like you." "It's so obvious to me now." "Look." "Look." "She's pretty." "No, what I mean..." "Thank you, but no." "What I mean is, a little similar, huh?" "Yeah, she's even in medicine." "I've been deluding myself this entire time." "What we had..." "Have, what there is between us, it is undeniable." "Then why didn't you come back?" "I mean before now, huh?" "Why?" "Yes, that is an excellent question and the truth of it is, I just wasn't ready." "The best thing in my life comes over to me in the student union one day and sits down across from me with her lunch." "I'm twenty years old." "It's my only defence." "I was a kid and I just..." "I messed up." "Bobbi, I messed up." "I just... what can I say?" "No, I can't..." "I do not accept that." "But it's the truth!" "I don't care!" "No." "No." "Just wait, just wait." "Don't." "Wait." "Okay, just hang on." "Wait a second." "Stop." "Don't do that." "Just listen to me for a second." "Don't do some last ditch, shitty thing that we're both going to be sorry for." "Just listen, I just want to talk to you." "What the hell is that?" "Hmm?" "It's just a... this is just a..." "It's just a mic." "A mic?" "Like a..." "Like a microphone?" "Why is there a..." "Because, I-I..." "Are you recording this, what we're saying to each other?" "Yes, I am taping, but it is not..." "Why?" "Why?" "Why would you..." "But it is not..." "Don't!" "I will sit here while you explain, I will." "Go ahead, try." "Yes, I am taping, but it's for work." "I'm writing this piece for esquire and that's it, that's all." "It doesn't really have anything to do with..." "What I said about seeing you again is true." "Yeah?" "All my feelings for you, completely." "Yeah?" "Really?" "Yes, absolutely." "Wait, wait." "Look, look, I know this seems bad." "I know that, but I just..." "Will you just give me a break here and hear me out?" "All right, okay." "Good." "First off, I acknowledge that you may not agree with this." "You may feel that what I do is pornography almost or..." "But either way, whether I am a shit, or a fearless cartographer of the soul..." "I mean, I had a review that said that very thing, I did." "But no one is in anyway exempt from screwing up once and awhile." "So, okay, I've done a host of things that, if you nitpick, absolutely, they look awful stacked up end on end." "But..." "I don't want to keep getting all sidetracked here." "The point being, I really did desire to see you again, I did." "And maybe you'd make a buck or two off of it, right?" "Okay, you smoked me out." "So, bully for you." "I sometimes use the people around me to get story ideas and help further my career." "Well, Bobbi, that makes me an American, frankly." "That's about it." "Look, I write amusing little tales, while changing the names of everybody that's involved and I don't see who's hurt by it, I really don't." "I'm not, you know, doing this all haphazardly or something." "It's for esquire." "Now, just because I am an author, does not mean I am not capable of having human... stuff." "I can't help it if I'm complex." "But I'm not sick." "I'm not evil, Bobbi." "I may be a bunch of things, but I'm not that." "And I'm not trying to take away anything from what I did." "I did such a stupid thing back so many years ago, but I was just..." "Young and goofy and you know, those were my good qualities." "Bobbi, I am a guy." "I am bad at this." "I found the single greatest person" "I could ever imagine being near," "I mean standing near even." "And she liked me, me and that just..." "It didn't compute." "It did not make sense, no matter what she said to me." "So, I just..." "I made myself believe it wasn't true and I ran away, like some three year old child would do." "But I've grown up since then, I have." "All this being with other women and writing about it and telling myself I should go visit my past before I marry, that's all about you." "I don't care if you buy that or you laugh in my face or you hate me." "I need you." "No way I'm going to top that, so I will just leave it off right there." "It's you, not your sister, not anybody else I've ever known, not even this girl I'm supposed to marry, no one." "Just you." "I wish you'd say something." "It's very late." "Okay." "Is that metaphoric or..." "It's kind of all encompassing." "It's, um..." "It's late." "Yeah, but we got..." "What are you saying here?" "Nothing." "I have to go." "It's for $100, the gift." "No, I'm fine." "Yeah, yeah." "Work was good." "Yeah, yes." "But guess what?" "I am catching a flight right now." "Why?" "Because I miss you, that's why." "Hey, I love you too." "Yes, I do." "I do so much." "Well, always and always and always, yes." "Always." "I got to go." "Okay, bye." "?" "What did that bad man put in you?" "?" "?" "Did those rotten kids cross a line?" "?" "?" "I'm afraid I'll never understand, baby ?" "?" "I'm so sorry you had such a bad time ?" "?" "Well, I've done some truly awful things ?" "?" "And you must be very terrified ?" "?" "Well you have every reason to be frightened ?" "?" "Since you been reading my mind ?" "?" "Who am I to deny this moment?" "?" "?" "And who am I to even question it?" "?" "?" "There is a cross on a Mountain, baby ?" "?" "There is a cross glowing over your head ?" "?" "Please break this spell you have me under ?" "?" "Every heart is a lonesome hunter ?" "?" "Please break this spell you have me under ?" "?" "Oh, yes" "?" "every heart is a lonesome hunter ?" "?" "Sparrows at your window" "?" "starlings at your door" "?" "magpies wherever we go" "?" "is it blackbirds forevermore?" "?" "?" "Well I'm standing holding my head ?" "?" "And I'm staring through a hole in your head ?" "?" "And I been feeling like a zombie, baby ?" "?" "I am a zombie coming slow to your bed ?" "?" "Well, who am I to deny this moment?" "?" "?" "And who am I to even question it?" "?" "?" "There is a cross on a Mountain, baby ?" "?" "There is a cross glowing over your head ?" "?" "Please break this spell you have me under ?" "?" "Every heart is a lonesome hunter ?" "?" "Please break this spell you have me under ?" "?" "Oh, yes" "?" "every heart is a lonesome hunter ?" "?" "Is a lonesome hunter" "?" "every heart is a lonesome hunter ?"