"Slate one, take one." "Oh, dear." "I hope there's a fire alarm and we all have to go home." "I don't want to do it now." "There's people sitting right in the back row which must be a good sign." "Will you please give it up for Matt Lucas and David Walliams!" "(APPLAUSE)" "(THEME MUSIC)" "Hello!" "He was looking at you like he loves you." "I'm gay and I pride myself on the fact that I've never had sex with another man." " That's your lookout." " I take it you'll be leaving the village?" " Why should I go anywhere?" " I am the only gay in this village!" "Young man, is this picture suitable for ladies?" "...I don't even know about!" "Anyway, Carly's just a slapper!" "Hello, Mrs Llewellyn." "Oh, hello, Daffyd." "What can I do you for today?" "I'll have a quarter of bonbons and a copy of "Gay Times"." "It's my only outlet." "(MATT) A lot of the characters from the radio series are there, but the sketches have tended to change." "I think we probably thought we would be able to use a lot more of the stuff from radio." "(DAVID) We just thought you'd look at it and go, "Fine. "" "But a visual joke, I've always thought, is worth a hundred verbal jokes." "On radio there are no visual jokes, really." "Paul sort of could come in sheepishly." "(LAUGHTER)" "Picture yourself naked." "Not nice, is it?" "Eh?" "Who would want a great lump like that huffing and puffing on top of them all night?" "Eyes closed, Paul." " You want to come up with a name that's funny." " Yeah, like a comedy character name." "You don't want it to ruin the credibility of the character." "(DAVID) Sometimes they're completely invented names." "Marjorie Dawes was Bob Mortimer's suggestion." "That character came from "Shooting Stars"." "Myfanwy is the name of our producer." "Matthew Waterhouse sketches, they're all "Doctor Who" actors." "Matthew Waterhouse played Adric in "Doctor Who"." "He was a companion of Tom Baker and Peter Davison." "It's just things like that." "Sometimes they're little in-jokes for us to enjoy and sometimes for the audience." "Somebody definitely came in and bought it yesterday." "It's got Hazel Dean on the cover and a very informative article on rimming..." " You still haven't told me what that means!" " (LAUGHTER)" "He actually blushed when I asked him." "Yeah, that's because I don't know." "I'm Terry the builder today." "I'm playing "Doctor"" "and, erm, we've decided to give him a bit of a cold, give it some texture, make it more of a scene, less of a sketch." "We're just doing a sketch where..." "It's set in the hospital and it's my mother, she's had a fall." "And so..." "And then I shall pack her off into a home." "She's not ready for a home, but I shall pack her off into one." "That's the sort of person I am." " Still running, Steve." "You wanna go again?" " Yes, please." " Right, then, are we all sorted?" " Nearly." "Yeah, ready!" "(LAUGHTER)" "# Don't give up on us, baby" "# We're still worth one more try... #" "Cheerio!" " 9.30." " 9.30. 8.10, I was peaking." "Now..." "The day's gone for me." " The scene's dead." " I'm going home." " What are we doing now?" " Same again, please." "Oh, God!" "We're filming the " Dr Lawrence and Anne" sketches." "This is the first one." "This originated from the improvisations we did at Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith's house about..." " Five..." "It was about six, seven..." " Years ago." "We just mucked about with a video camera and we all came up with different ideas." "Basically, Dave put a dress on over his clothes and some funny glasses and started going, "Eh!" "Eh!" "Ehhh!"" "Somehow it felt funny." "Reece was holding the camera, I think, and kept going, "Anne?" "Anne?"" "But whether the public find it funny, we've yet to see." "Eh!" "Eh!" "Ehhh!" "And, worryingly, that's the director." "Just getting into character, the character of Anne." "We wrote a whole blog of her life... where she grew up..." "Just so I can say the lines, "Eh!" "Eh!" "Ehhh!"" "Today I'm doing Dame Sally." "Actually, I'm playing the role of Jesus Christ today." " Robert Powell as Jesus Christ." " Jesus of Nazareth." "I've had a chat with the BBC, you know, the producers of "Little Britain", and said that it was OK to film in my garden for this car-boot sale." "So we've sort of mocked up a car-boot sale." "We've hired a few thousand extras, erm, some cars..." "The story of the sketch is that Gary's mate comes in," "Jason, and he fantasises all the way through and he sees this old granny as a beautiful young woman and he makes all these kinds of advances to her." "Gary, get your nan a glass of water." "(WHEEZES)" "(COUGHS)" "Oh, that's got it!" "She sits down and says, "Oh, I forgot the salt."" " Then it's pretty much as is." " Brilliant." "The stuff about them going to have a cry, that's gone?" "(LAUGHTER)" "Yeah..." "Every costume person has loads of sovereign rings for some reason." "It's like a kind of shorthand for sort of..."common"." " Isn't it?" " Are you not hard in it?" "Am I not hard?" "No, not really." "I'm just "bloke"." "I specialise in playing "bloke"." "Shooting for about 35 days." " What, on location?" " Mm-hm." " So, if you feel like shit now, it's a bad sign." " Absolutely." "These boys here at the Kelsey Grammar School..." "Sometimes we both want to play things." "Sometimes we change." "You're writing it thinking as the character, not as me doing it." "I think it's a much better way of writing." "You're sort of..." "Your performance ego can get in the way a bit." "The characters should write themselves a bit." "Take two!" "Stop!" "What a dreadful dirge!" "Wilson, Danson, Joyce..." " Action!" " Nutter..." "Shall we just watch the video?" "Yeah." "Yeah, better." "Thank you!" "I have to go to the loo." "(THEME MUSIC)" "I'm slightly frightened of small children en masse." "The old, um, threepenny bits?" "Is that the?" "Threepenny..." "The shits!" "It was really bad, vomiting." " It's the pressure of work." " I had dicky pork ribs the night before." "That's what a trooper I am." "Doctor Theatre!" "And... action!" "They used to be friends of mine." "Very good friends." "Really very dear friends." "Looks great on the page." "Come sunbathe in the rain!" "Very miserable!" "It's the middle of May and it's raining." "I'm glad the weather is bad." "It means we're not missing anything." "I can do a wheelie." "Watch!" "I had to say "smurf", "smurf outfit", and it was very difficult to say with these teeth in." "But it just..." "It actually affects my upper lip and makes my upper lip look kind of weird." "I think I look..." "I think I look slightly simian." "I'm going in to watch "Monster Trucks"." "Bye!" "We did this rock profile special where I played Lou Reed and Matt played Andy Warhol." "And we started doing this..." "I spoke like that with a lisp as Lou Reed." "I said, "What do you want for your tea, Andy?" He goes, "Chips."" "I go, "You had chips for lunch." "What'll you have for your tea?" " Chips."" "That just stuck in our minds, so we ended up turning them into proper characters, but I sort of kept the vague sense of Lou Reed's hair." "We're playing about 60 characters each." "That does include when we're things like doctors..." " Man." "Man." " Man in sketch." "As for our comic characters, probably about three." "One, one." "Between us." "Yeah, I know." "This look isn't complete without the specs, though." "Without the specs, it's just Mel Smith." "Slate 322, take one." "And action!" "Right, I've finished." "Do you want to come and have a look?" "Please give a nice FatFighters welcome to the Slimmer of the Year!" "Come in, Robert!" "(APPLAUSE)" "You are the Slimmer of the Year because you lost the most weight out of anybody." "Just now I had to wander around in my underpants and a T-shirt that's not mine that's too tight-fitting and play Slimmer of the Year." "Matt and Dave, very, very talented." "And the radio show was hilarious and I think this is gonna be very good too." "Well, it's much better than "The Office", isn't it?" "Yeah." "What was that?" "That was rubbish!" "This should win loads more BAFTAs, I think." "And how can we eat the foods that we crave and still lose weight?" "So, cravings." " Take your..." "Sorry." " Shall we hold it there?" "Shut up!" "I didn't nick nothin' apart from that one thing and a few other things!" "Apart from that, I never nicked nothin' Have you been speaking to Wayne Dunn?" " Wayne Dunn..." "Sorry." " (LAUGHTER)" "Oh, my God, it's like so brilliant!" "It's so much better than school because there's no homework, lessons or nothin'" "And like the..." "Oh, sorry." "I need to compose myself." "This funny thing happened 'cause this girl..." "Sorry." "(GIGGLING)" "Of course, this is the real Vicky Pollard." "I am the real Vicky." "This is where we shot the school interiors and we also used this for one of the hospital exteriors as well." "Over there is where they're filming "Judge John Deed"." "These nails are stuck on." "Though we've got other ones, Union Jack nails." "You can't lift anything or do anything with them." "I had some nails on as Marjorie, but I had so much to do with pens and giving things out that I got rid of them." "We did a Marjorie in the supermarket and a Lou and Andy." "It just makes sense." "Our producer!" "This is our producer Myfanwy." "The great Myfanwy Moore." "I say, "Write something simple." They go, "Here's the sketch in an ice rink."" "You've got to write something simple, but also make your show look like no other show." "The most important thing is the jokes." "You've got to not lose touch with that." "I think that so many shows have come along like "The Office", "The League of Gentlemen"" "or "The Royle Family" or "Spaced" which have been brilliant shows, apart from brilliant comedy shows, so people want more from their comedy now and they want it to be memorable." "Certainly with sketch comedy like "The League of Gentlemen"." " To do another sketch show..." " It's really difficult." "David was saying that he was doing Boris and he had the body suit that was made for Jon Culshaw." "Yeah." "I think it was Arnold Schwarzenegger or something." "It was very tight." "He never complained, but he had a contact lens in, gave you a headache." " Honestly..." " How do you do it?" "How is it done?" "How?" "And the pain of wearing the earrings!" "The mild discomfort from an earring." "How do I carry on?" "Oh!" "There was a full box here this morning." "You've been scoffing again, Miss Grace!" " Right, what are we up to?" " Er, 77." "He took her into his arms again, said he really did love her very much and gave her another longish kiss." "And action!" "Well, that's always been Matt's problem, hasn't it?" "He's arrogant." "Oh, hi!" "Mark begged to play this part." ""Give me this job, you shit!"" "Mark, erm, script-edited the series as well." "I'm just writing the scripts now." "I'm just finishing them." "You've made a little sort of cameo as well." "I kind of cherry-picked this one." "I liked this one." "It'll be just quite a treat for viewers to suddenly see you, I think..." "I wanted to be Vicky Pollard and..." "It's very hard." "It's great when you're in quite thick woollen pyjamas and you've got a wig on and a tie and you're very hot, you've got a very energetic sketch to do and you've just had lunch," "you've eaten a bit too much." "It's very conducive to full energy." " Just be a couple of minutes." " OK, Matt." "Oh, I forgot all about this." "Oh, no!" " Buongiorno." " Good morning." " How are you feeling?" " All right." "You get used to it after a while." "Actually, this is a later call for me." "Usually I get up about twenty to six." "We're doing three sketches today with this character Bernard Chumley." "I'm looking forward to that because, um..." "I used to do that character on the circuit." "That was the first character that I ever did." "Certainly the early stuff we used to do live was very divisive 'cause it was very rude." "And it was very juvenile as well." "The main criticism directed against the Bernard Chumley TV series was how juvenile it was." "This is what a film set looks like." "Lots of white trucks." "This is Bernard Chumley's toupee box." "We have a vast selection of delightful-looking dead things." " One for every occasion." " That's the producer." "Myfanwy Moore." "This is the eyebrow too." " Can you put names to the different eyebrows?" " Kimberley..." "Roger, Tammy, Guy..." "Simon, also Simon." "Hello, I'm here." " Ah, you must be Joe." " Yes." "Yes, come in, young Joe." "It's the room on the end." "I think my lips should be more fleshy." "I asked for four dogs and I just got three, so..." "People not really doing their jobs." "Why don't you buzz off!" "Yes, I heard you!" "Hello!" "Oh, yes, yes." "Do come in, yes." "Come with me and we'll go and watch a video of Snoopy." "(MATT) Hellol I'll start again." "Hellol I'll start again." "Hellol I'll start again." "Hello." "You join us in Herne Bay." "We've just arrived in Herne Bay." "It was extremely hot Friday and Saturday." "We had Sunday off." "We've come here Monday morning and the weather is like this." "We should know, being ladies." "(BLOWS RASPBERRY)" " You normally wear this anyway, don't you?" " Yeah." " Evenings." " Evenings, don't you?" "Weekends, don't you?" "I often come round to his flat and he's dressed like that." "It's no big deal." "Again and again and again." "Till the last drip of comedy is wrenched out of it!" "It does play very well." "You know, that's really good." "See?" "30 years at the RSC and this is... why we write like this." "Bloody low-budget rubbish!" " We are in Herne Bay." " Tell him how good it was." " It was good." " Out of ten?" " Ten." " Ten." "Eight minutes before dinner and two shots to do." "I would have said four, but generous." "Little Britain, 786, take four." "Just out of interest, who does your dresses?" " He does all his own walking." " All my own walking." " He won't let anybody do his walking." " I've had the training." "And that's the end of our sketch." "If we have lots of series of "Little Britain"," "I'll be able to afford to have an ice-cream Mr Whippy pump installed in my kitchen." "That is pretty much what I now want to..." "you know, my ambition really." "That and have a chimp." "I definitely want a monkey." "Yesterday we were in Herne Bay and today we're somewhere near Henley where they film "The Vicar of Dibley" apparently." "Very shiny, Susie, yeah?" "Plenty on." "I'll pretend I was looking over there." " Hello, Daffyd!" " I'm commandeering this vehicle!" " Oh, sorry." " All right, then, I'm not!" "Good." "He likes it." " Where would we be without Myfanwy?" "ITV!" " I just Brasso up his jewellery." "Well done, folks, that's a wrap!" "Can't believe it's all sorted." " Matt, do you wear stuff like that at home?" " Frequently." "Yeah, lots of nipple!" "And action!" "Ah, get off, get off!" "What are you doing, man?" "Get off!" "Get off!" "What are you?" "Cut!" "Today I'm following in the footsteps of Michael Crawford by doing my own stunts." " Would you like to check it?" " I've checked that." "It's solid." "Safety is an important factor because at any time in a stunt anything can go wrong." "It's for you guys, for the insurance guys." "I don't mind taking a risk." "I'll be honest." "Whether it's with a joke or with myself." " I mean, now that I'm behind the camera..." " You do do less." "I do less stunts as a rule." " Come out of the bush!" " It was a stunt." "This must be one of the tawdriest stunts..." "A man in a tracksuit falls out of a Fiesta!" "This isn't what they dreamed of!" " OK, let's do a stunt!" " (HORN TOOTS)" "Ohhh!" "Still feels like the middle of the night." "I only have to walk from here to there to get in this car, so it isn't actually that bad." "Yeah, I'm definitely feeling knackered, yeah." "Just trying to... keep concentrating." "Last night I did stay out late." "And I didn't get home till about 2am, so..." "That is very unlike me." "We're just going to try this wig on..." "which we may or may not use." "So which one's your favourite wig?" "I actually really like that look." "It's very good." "I don't think I really look like me there." "Having teeth in changes the shape of your mouth and the way you speak." "(LISA) I like Emily Howard's period wig." "That was a hard one, that... because in a show where you play women and then you also want to say this character is a transvestite, though..." "Obviously, you've got to think about why that..." " You've got to push it further." " Make it different from other transvestites." "Most transvestites look like I look in the..." "as women, don't they?" "Yes." "I'd like to work again after this." "(DAVE) Being a lifeguard was actually a job for me." " Was it?" " Yeah, me, also Simon Pegg." "It's strange, two coincidences." "We both worked as lifeguards in our summer holidays and both went to Bristol University." "All Vicky's friends have renamed themselves - Melody and Harmony..." "Anyway, Shelley Bentley gave Craig Sherman a blowy in the shallow end." "I asked you if you pushed that girl in the pool." "No, because I would never do that because..." " Pick it up from the "wee"?" " Do the last bit." "No, because I would never do that because once like..." "No, because I would..." "No, because I would never do that..." "No, because I wasn't even there because..." "I'll go and get changed." "Sorry, I was just chuckling." " Take six." " And action!" " (BLOWS WHISTLE)" " Oh, shut up!" "What?" "!" "I ain't done nothin'" "Oh, shut up!" "I ain't done nothin'" "Shut up!" "What?" "Shut up!" "I ain't done nothin'" "'Ere!" "Cheeky!" "It's a kerfuffle getting him in and a kerfuffle getting him out." "Other than that, it's fine." "It's a kerfuffle getting him in and getting him out, but other than that, it's kerfuffle-free." "It's a kerfuffle getting him in and getting him out, but apart from that, it's kerfuffle-free." "Just lower him very gently down into the water." "So if we go and help him in, yeah." "OK..." "Right." "Oh, how are we gonna do this?" " If you try and get the..." " A bit difficult." "Yeah, it can be." " Did you shower?" " Yeah." "And cut!" "We are here recording Tom's bits." "So Tom Baker is in the booth just over there and he's doing all the episodes in one day." "It's quite a lot to do, isn't it?" " Let's do it!" " (LAUGHTER)" "Tom, can we just do it like... like you've received a dirty phone call at the end, like someone has made a..." "So just the line is, um, " Hello?" "No, I'm not wearing any knickers."" "We'll put the sound effect of a ringing phone and then you say, "Hello?"" "(HUSKILY) No, I'm not wearing any..." "We'll keep that in." "You were our absolute first choice to do this and you're having so much fun with those Deep South phrases." "I just can't imagine anybody else would say, "Oh, Mama!"" "Mama..." "Oh, Mama!" "How does it feel to be the voice of Britain, Tom?" "I agree with it entirely." "That's why the boys gave it to me." "I'm playing these kind of pompous, reactionary, nostalgic, er, sentiments which are matters of fun." "The reason I do them so well is I actually believe in them!" "Once we've got the knee pads on, folks, we'll shoot this." "That's Luke and he plays the miniature of Dennis Waterman from behind." "But even he isn't small enough and he's got to go down on his knees." "We haven't explained to him what the whole sketch is about." ""Do you remember 'Minder'?" "No." "Do you know this guy Dennis Waterman?" "No."" ""He's in miniature." "Right."" "Lovely." "Do send him in." " Hello." "Oh, that's a big dog!" " Have you not met Wolfie?" "They do start rehearsals on Monday." "Well, that's not much time to write a new theme tune." "There's no music in it whatsoever." "How does it start, then?" "Shake his hand." "Besides the fact that we've got sketches to do, to perform, and hopefully they'll go down well, to me, I'm equally as curious to see how the material that we've shot on location" "over the last seven weeks will play in." "So shall we go out?" "Before we shoot, we always have a dance, don't we?" "It's the "Little Britain" dance." " Is this a way for grown men to make a living?" " Yes." "Get a proper job!" "The artistes are ready, the creators of "Little Britain"." "Will you please give it up for Matt Lucas and David Walliams!" " David, do you like Elvis?" " Yes." "So do I. They're really helpful to Father Christmas at Christmas time." "David, where do you live?" " Isle of Dogs." " I love dogs too, but where do you live?" "(APPLAUSE)" "It's been two weeks and I still haven't received your essay on Lord Kitchener." "No, because I was going round Karl's but then this thing happened because Shelley, who's a bitch, said Destiny stole money out of Rochelle's purse, but I ain't even spoken to Rochellel" "Samantha's very good at oral." "I don't know if you noticed - five words all in the right order." "It works well." "It works very well." "If you pass a scarecrow, you've come too far!" "My moustache has come off." "BBC!" "Tash come off" " BBC!" " Shall we just stand in the light over here?" " No light over there." "BBC!" "Yes!" "No more magic beans!" "On the table behind Matt there is Matt Lucas's mother!" "(CHEERING)" "This is how cheap this show is!" "I get stabbed in the back with a blunt table knife!" "What made them pluck me out?" "(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)" "Molly!" "Molly!" "(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)" "Molly Sugden, ladies and gentlemen!" "Sorry." "(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)" "(MATT) I would never dream of  wearing something even remotely colourful and outrageous when I go out." "I don't know why, and certainly not to a nightclub." "But I would think nothing of wearing it on TV." "It's very slimming." "Shall I go, Mel, yeah?" "Five, four, three, two, one, zero." "Have we still..." "Sorry, I've already cocked it up!" "(LAUGHTER)" "Right, no laughing!" "It's throwing me!" "(RUBBER SHORTS SQUEAK)" "Greetings." "Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Lucas and David Walliams!" "(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)" "This is the edit suite where it all comes together and everything happens." "This place has been a hubbub of activity." "This is the editor Mykola Pawluk." "We'll have to treat it." "Once it's treated, I'm sure it'll be fine." " Get outl" " All rightl" "Every single sketch has got a card, it's got its duration, everything on it." "For the last few weeks, all we've done is sit and swap this huge jigsaw puzzle around." "Now it's all edited and we're putting the show together." "We're ready to see the back of all this!" "I'd known David and Matt for a few years anyway." "When they started doing the radio show, I think I volunteered for it before they asked me." "I was very grateful." "# Oh, oh, Babooshka... #" "We kept talking about all the things it should and shouldn't be, and it needs to be everything simultaneously, just feeding from the characters... people who, as far as they're concerned, don't appear to have anything wrong with them." "The music sort of reflects that reaching out for something which is just beyond your grasp." "It's the most obvious hitting the nail on the head as plainly and as boldly and as unashamedly as you can." "# Oh, oh, Babooshka, Babooshka... #" "Writing and performing comedy is probably one of the easiest things in the world." "They'll tell you that." "Well, that's the end, so..." "That's the end, so, hopefully, you'll come back next year if we have another series." "Thank you very much for coming tonight." "Matt and David, ladies and gentlemen!" "It's finished!" "Thank you!" " Mark it." " Slate 977, take five." "(TOM BAKER) Oh, mercyl" "Oh, let me livel" "Oh, my sweet potatol" "Oh, my sweet Lordl" "(LAUGHTER)"