"(RATTLING)" "PUDDLE:" "You'd think living in a tree house would be fun, right?" "How do you find the area of a circle?" "(EAGLET CAWS) Uh!" "PUDDLE:" "You'd be wrong." "Is there any way we can get those eaglets to shut up?" "Don't worry about the eaglets." "Area of a circle." "Pi r-squared." "Good." "Here's your granola." "Oh, come on!" "Why can't we get some of that chocolate cake Steve always has out so he can feel good about not eating chocolate cake?" "If you eat sugary breakfasts, you will crash in the middle of class." "And you didn't get much sleep anyway." "(EAGLET CAWING) Yeah, I wonder why." "Honey, the eagles made their home in the eaves of this tree house first." "We are the visitors." "We need to respect... (EAGLET CAWING) Oh, my God." "Shut up!" "PUDDLE:" "I think the tree house was wearing a little thin on my mom too." "Now as soon as you get home, we'll do the Cuba research for your international fair project." "We want to stay on the honor roll, don't we?" "Yeah, but I could do it without you being so uptight." "I'm not uptight." "Would you look at this woman racing through here at nine miles an hour!" "It's eight!" "Mom, that's Megan's mom." "Don't embarrass me, okay?" "So sorry, Emmy." "Our power went out, and we couldn't get past our main gates today." "But I guess that's a problem you don't have living in a fort in a tree." "Bye." "Do people tease you about that?" "I think it's been a great bonding thing for the class." "PUDDLE:" "And that's when my mother decided that maybe it was time for a change." "(EAGLETS CAWING)" "(GUNSHOT)" "Migo, what are you doing?" "(EAGLETS CAWING) (GUNSHOT)" "Don't worry." "It's just a tranquilizer dart." "(EAGLE CAWING) (GUNSHOT)" "So I'm to believe that squirrel's just gonna pull a dart out of its head and walk this one off?" "Yes." "Why, did you find his head?" "I was just on my way actually to take Steve up on his offer to move into the house." "I can't live there anyway." "He's been really great and trying to show us how responsible he is." "You know, right now's probably not the best time to see Steve." "Don't be silly." "PUDDLE:" "I think if Migo really did have a tranquilizer dart, he would have used it on my mom just then." "Steve." "Steve?" "PUDDLE:" "But only to stop her from seeing this." "You have got to be kidding." "STEVE:" "Hey, beautiful." "Hi, Steve." "Emmy's here." "Oh, please, don't get up." "I'm sure it was hard enough falling asleep at the bottom of the stairs." "Well, I probably passed out at the top of the stairs, but I do toss and turn." "Oh, yeah, great." "You really do bounce back quickly." "Well, you have to." "It's fashion week." "You know, it's nonstop parties, and if you don't keep up, you fall off the A-list." "So there really is a list?" "Well, not exactly." "But page six is kind of our scorecard." "How'd we do?" "A mention and a picture." "Dropkicking a paparazzo's camera into Central Park lake." "This is ironic." "There's no picture of her beating me up afterwards." "I'll tell you what else is ironic." "I was actually coming in here to talk to you about moving into the house." "'Cause I thought you were becoming a more responsible person." "More responsible?" "I was working all last night." "Oh, it's work now, this lifestyle?" "Yeah." "You think it's easy being the sole representative of the Wilde family at every social function?" "My family counts on me to be the public face of Wilde Oil." "I'm on page six so that people forget what my family did on page one." "No, nobody works harder than I do." "Except Fa'ad." "Fa'ad is a hard worker." "Don't worry." "I got Steve safely to bed and..." "Oh, Steve!" "EMMY:" "How do you guys just pop up like that?" "FA'AD:" "How did I do?" "You didn't make it, buddy." "Oh, no." "I need to be on that Ah-list." "A-list." "My brother Fazoul, the younger Fazoul, is lobbying to replace me as the American face of my family." "Last night, I even tinkled in the fountain at Lincoln Center." "(LAUGHS) Surely that's newsworthy." "We weren't anywhere near Lincoln Center last night." "Well, this was fun." "But I have some apartments to look into." "Wait, why?" "Because I've been working late?" "Okay, even if I did buy that being on the A-list was somewhat important," "I can't believe that the only way to get there is with this kind of reckless drunken behavior." "There are people on page six who do good for the world, who use their A-list status to enact social change." "Oh, well, yeah, but that's super advanced." "I don't think you could handle it." "Handle it?" "I lived in the Amazon." "Your little party scene would be like a vacation for me." "And I promise you, I could do it without giving up my dignity." "Okay." "Let's say we make a little wager then." "I'm sorry?" "Come out with us tonight." "I'll introduce you to some people." "Let's see if you can handle one evening of my lifestyle without giving up your dignity." "Easy bet." "You're on." "And if I win, you move in and accept my lifestyle." "And if I win, you accept it's not a lifestyle." "Deal." "Deal." "I'm warning you, just because I'm going to this A-list party doesn't mean I'm gonna totally change who I am." "FA'AD:" "Mind if I tag along?" "The three of us could limo-pool." "Uh, maybe." "We cannot be seen with him." "I know." "He'll totally drag us down." "See you at 8:00?" "PUDDLE:" "My mom had bet Steve that she could live his life without changing her ways." "STEVE:" "Oh, yeah!" "We're right here." "We moved places." "All right, so rule number one, every drink that goes by is the drink you ordered." "Otherwise, you'll never get a drink." "Are you actually teaching me how to do nothing?" "'Cause that sounds pretty advanced." "Maybe we should start me off with doing very little." "And then I could work my way down to doing nothing." "I'm teaching you how to fit in." "You might want to come up with a character or a look or a signature laugh or phrase." "(SCOFFS) That's Rachel Zoe's." "Oh, well, I got a free drink, so you might as well take me home." "That's Lindsay Lohan's." "Try bragging." "Talk about your access or your money or your stuff or your home." "I have none of those things." "I know." "I'm suggesting that you lie." "It's like saying "I love you" to somebody that you barely know." "I get it." "That's why these parties are such hard work for you." "Because you act so superficial and you're obsessed with celebrity..." "Oh, my God, that's Anna Lowry!" "STEVE:" "Yeah, the editor of Vouve Magazine." "EMMY:" "She's also a huge philanthropist." "She's starting this whole foundation in South America, and that is someone I would really like to get to know." "Yeah, Anna Lowry is a little advanced for you." "You might want to start with the coat check girl." "Steve, I got this." "(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)" "Does my eye deceive me?" "Is that Emmy walking straight up to Anna Lowry?" "Does she even have a signature laugh yet?" "Are you kidding?" "It's her first day at work." "Then I suppose we'll soon find out if she has a signature cry." "Where'd you get the eye patch from?" "From Steve Jobs." "Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha." "Bwa-ha-ha." "Ba-ha-ha." "Ba-ha!" "What do you think?" "The eye patch, the joke or the mutton chops?" "The laugh." "I'm putting a B at the beginning." "B-he-he-he." "Got to say, it seems kind of desperate." "Oh, well, I am desperate." "My brother Fazoul has been walking around my property with an architect and a minaret team." "STEVE:" "More minarets?" "Great." "We're gonna get drones." "STEVE:" "There she goes." "I better go help her." "Anna Lowry, I so respect what you're about to do." "I mean, not eat that shrimp." "(LAUGHS)" "My name is Emmy Kadubic." "I should have opened with that." "And now you've closed with it." "STEVE:" "Anna." "Steve!" "Love the new boobs." "Steve." "No, I'm talking about her two new assistants." "Who I'd love to bury my face between." "(LAUGHS) Oh, Steven, you are wicked." "Well, coming from a witch like you, that really means something." "Ba-ha-ha-ha." "Ba-ha." "(LAUGHS) I love this man." "Well, surely not for his laughable laugh." "Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa." "My eye fell out." "Coming!" "Do you know him?" "I only know A-listers." "Oh, and this is Emmy Kadubic of the Amazonian Kadubics." "Love the hair." "Forgive the shoes." "You're on your own." "PUDDLE:" "Meanwhile, I was with Mr. Lunt, who turned out to be sort of a human tranquilizer dart." "Oh, and here's a pressed shamrock from an angry Irish tough I met in Hell's Kitchen." "Oh, but he could sing." "Please, can I go to bed now, Mr. Lunt?" "Well, if you didn't want to see these, why did you ask, "Were you ever my age?"" "These are ours." "We moved." "Wonderful place called Moyobamba in the highland jungle, and they really need help." "Incredible." "We should talk about that." "We are." "We really should." "Maybe at the Stella McCartney." "I'm dying to sneak a look at the new Gaucho line." "Me, too." "Meet us there." "Hey, so, how'd it go with Anna?" "Anna Lowry just asked me to meet her at the Stella McCartney party to see the new Groucho line." "She's probably gonna end up appointing me to a position in her charity or something." "Your lifestyle, but responsible." "I won this bet." "Won the bet?" "You haven't even done anything yet." "Talk to me in six hours." "Well, I'm obviously not going to stay here for six hours." "I have to wake my daughter up in the morning." "I'll take care of that for you." "I don't think so." "No, seriously," "I could use the break from work, and it kind of seems like a vacation for me." "Really?" "Raising a child is like a vacation?" "I could take care of that child without becoming super uptight and turning the kid into a basket case." "You have no idea what's involved." "It is a constant juggling act." "I'm either helping her with her homework or making lunches or volunteering in the classroom." "She's a straight-a student, yes, but she needs to be pushed." "This week, she has her Cuba booth due." "We have to bring it home." "We have to work on it." "We have to make empanadas." "It is endless." "Easy." "Easy?" "E-Z." "Well, you know what," "Puddle doesn't seem to think I need to be pushing her either." "So why don't we make a counter-wager?" "For real?" "I'm already living your life." "So let's add a few days to it and you try to live mine." "Whoa, whoa, listen." "When I said it was gonna be E-Z, maybe I oversimplified." "That's what I thought." "It's gonna be e-zay." "And if you lose, you have to sleep with me." "No, I did not shake on that." "It's always implied." "You should know that." "God." "PUDDLE:" "And the next morning, Steve was taking to his new job as a parent." "Somebody earned another piece of breakfast." "I can't believe you're letting me have this." "My mom would go crazy." "Well, your mom's not in charge." "And we're not doing it the uptight way." "Yeah, she'd be all freaked out right now about how she'd want to help with the empanadas." "Oh, your mom and her tribes." "Oh, no, actually, it's for my Cuba project." "You and I are supposed to make them." "Tell you what, how about we fly down to Cuba, and we'll make them do whatever we want." "Cool, but we should probably get going." "Do you think they'll let me eat this on the school bus?" "Oh, they'll definitely let you eat that on the school bus, but you're not going on the school bus." "You're going in my Corvette." "Yeah, and you can't eat in the Corvette." "PUDDLE:" "I'd never been in a car driving this fast before." "It was like being in a car commercial." "STEVE:" "There's never been a better time." "So now what do you want to do?" "I think maybe I should go to school." "You're right." "Time to go to school..." "In a rocket." "PUDDLE:" "Unfortunately, speed wasn't what we needed." "Wait, so you have no idea where your school is?" "Well, I'm usually looking down at my homework." "Can't you call my mom or something?" "No." "But don't worry." "I know just the man who'll know." "PUDDLE:" "The man he knew was a private investigator." "So I ran a check on the little girl, and I got it down to two schools." "Neverwood Junior High on East Sycamore..." "That's it!" "Rocket time." "PUDDLE:" "And I was only an hour and 40 minutes late when we got to school." "But that still put Steve back at the house before my mom walked in." "Are you just getting in?" "Out partying all night?" "Well, I wouldn't describe it as partying." "I was socializing." "And I was making contacts." "And obviously there was dancing because that's what they do at those places, but it was all very responsible." "Really?" "'Cause you seem kind of tipsy." "I had a drink, because that's what you do at those places." "But I behaved very responsibly." "Nobody kicked any cars or crashed any cameras." "I'm a little tired." "How did it go being Mr. Mom?" "Did you even remember to feed her?" "Oh, piece of cake." "Did you remember to feed her anything other than cake?" "Ba-hoo-hoo." "That laugh is so last night." "Why can't I make myself a cup of coffee?" "Did she work on her Cuba booth?" "Because she was supposed to do her homework." "Oh, would you chillax?" "It was easy." "I did my job." "It's actually the most fun I've had in ages." "Me, too." "I had a ball." "Anna just hit me up." "She wants me to roll with her again tonight." "Unless you want me to skip it because you can't handle Puddle another day." "No, no, no." "Are you kidding?" "It'd be e-zay!" "I'm just trying to think about where I'm gonna have my nap when she goes to school." "Yeah, that never really worked for me." "I mean, something usually comes up, but I can nap now." "(CELL PHONE RINGS) Oh!" "Oh, no, I hope this is not somebody calling to say how you lost control last night." "'Cause that would mean that you lost the bet." "Do you know somebody named Junior High..." "No, never mind." "(CELL PHONE RINGS)" "It's my friend's son Junior." "Hi." "PUDDLE:" "And that's when Steve found out that I had fallen asleep in the middle of a math test." "I'll be there right away." "What's the address again?" "Man, that principal's more uptight than your mom." "Yeah, I guess I'm not as used to a sugary breakfast as I thought." "I just passed out." "Yeah, there's probably a lot of sugar in a double-dipped chocolate rum cake." "They're gonna make me take the math test over again." "But I should probably get started on my international fair booth." "That's great, but, look," "I don't mean to be a pushy parent like your mom, because I'm not, but I think you should try to get a really good grade on it." "Because otherwise it's gonna look like I'm not pushing you." "What's in it for me?" "How would you like another piece of that double-dipped chocolate rum cake?" "STEVE:" "Wow, this is your Cuba booth?" "What are you trying to say?" "Cubans don't know how to build booths?" "Sorry, I forgot to tell you, we were supposed to bring them home and work on them there." "So that's what your mom meant by "Don't forget to bring" ""Puddle's Cuba booth home to work on."" "You know what, actually, I think it looks pretty good for what it is." "Especially compared to some of the..." "Oh, my God, the Taj Mahal." "Saint Basil's Cathedral." "I know." "It's St. Basil's Cathedral." "A lot of people call it the Taj Mahal of Russia." "But I like yours." "What are you trying to say?" "That Cubans don't know how to build booths?" "Ba-ha-ha-ha." "Oh, my God, it hit the suburbs." "And wait until you see the food my daughter made." "Food." "The empanadas." "PUDDLE:" "And so Steve and I set to work." "We were at it for several hours." "(INDISTINCT CHATTER)" "Cuba!" "Ba-ba-ba." "Good." "That's good." "And great." "Well, one." "So how many do we need?" "70 to 100." "Squeazy." "PUDDLE:" "As Steve was finding it hard to not get uptight during the day, my mom was finding it hard to stay responsible later that night." "Emmy, your place is divine." "I love the little gothic touches." "Oh, thanks." "I haven't been here that long, but..." "Well, you've done an amazing job." "And I have to say, Emmy, I liked you for yourself, but now that I see this place," "I like you a whole lot more." "(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING)" "Hey, guys, look what I found." "Mexican sandwiches." "They're so good when you're drunk." "Is it cool to have these?" "Yeah, dig in." "Have whatever you want." "So anyway, I did such an amazing job hyping the new Val Kihms runway show, that now tomorrow the tent's gonna be too small." "I have to find a new venue." "(MUSIC SHUTS OFF)" "Would somebody please explain to me what's going on here?" "Do you have any idea what time it is?" "Hey, girls." "I mean, I have a child upstairs who's trying to sleep who has a very big math test tomorrow and the international fair, and you're down here carousing and..." "Are you eating my empanadas?" "Are you kidding me?" "Is that Steve Wilde?" "What are you doing?" "You're embarrassing me in front of my friends." "We should leave." "If you want to invite people like this over here, you got to check with me first." "Are you being serious right now?" "My mansion, my rules." "Anna, wait." "You didn't tell me where the thing is tomorrow." "I wouldn't trouble yourself with it." "Wait, Anna, why don't we have it here with the gothic touches?" "You can sign off on that?" "My mansion, my rules." "Emmy, I love you." "I love you." "Oh!" "Oh, fifth kiss." "PUDDLE:" "My mom had been partying like Steve, while Steve was becoming worse than my mom." "I'm tired of this." "I don't know why we have to do this again." "Look, Puddle, this is real life, okay?" "Models ate our empanadas." "This is so much work." "Listen, this is really setting me back too." "I've still got a lot more varnish I need to put on the Cuba booth." "And I've got a bunch of math facts that I need to check." "Oh, God." "I'm so sorry that I'm acting this way." "My friend is visiting." "So, hey, Steve, are you gonna tell me where this Anna Lowry party is?" "I'd love to get on the Ah-list." "A-list." "She wanted to have it here if you can believe it." "Here?" "Can I come?" "No." "She's not gonna have it here." "I put my foot down." "Steve, if you're gonna implode, then don't take me with you!" "You're not doing it right." "You put shells in yours." "Do you have to yell?" "It's 7:30 in the morning." "Mmm, those look really good." "Don't you dare touch those, I swear to God..." "Oh, look who's getting uptight." "I'm not uptight." "Look at you." "You're a mess." "You're irresponsible." "No, I'm..." "This is e-zay." "I'm not irresponsible." "I'm just the opposite." "I'm helping Anna Lowry pull together a whole fashion show in just six hours." "Well, good luck getting there, because it's Migo's day off, and Puddle and I are very busy with her international fair." "Why would I need Migo?" "It's gonna be here..." "It's gonna be e-zay." "It's gonna be e-zay squea-zay." "It's gonna be easy squeazy." "And you did your research on Cuba, right?" "PUDDLE:" "No." "Do you know anything about Cuba?" "Don't worry." "I know just the man who will know." "Well, this is a rush job, but I asked around." "There's this fella Castro." "Dark-complected." "5'9"." "Beard." "He seems to run the show." "Perfect." "We can use this on the booth." "Also Fa'ad wanted me to track down the location of this A-list fashion party today." "Turns out it's at your house." "What?" "No." "She wouldn't." "Oh, yes, she would." "PUDDLE:" "So Steve wanted to get back in time to bust my mom." "But first he had to do my fair." "Empanadas." "Not one person has taken one." "They did come out a little gross." "There it is." "Finally." "My thank you." "They're gross, is it?" "After spending half the night making them and all day yesterday chasing after you and letting myself go and losing touch with my friends and not doing a single thing for myself and nothing..." "Oh, would you please just take one?" "Steve, that's the gym teacher!" "She's one of the judges." "Steve, I think you're getting too wound up in this thing." "After all, it's for the children." "Why don't you just butt out and go on back to jolly old Russhie?" "Steve, that's the one person I told you you had to be nice to!" "You ruined my project and now you ruined my life!" "I hate you!" "I hate you, Steve." "That's probably just the rum and sugar talking." "I let her try a cigar." "PUDDLE:" "Meanwhile, my mom went ahead with her A-list fashion show despite what Steve said." "But I want to give a special thanks to someone who was so helpful in throwing this thing together at the last minute, my angel-backer who made this whole thing possible..." "Mr. Fa'ad Shaoulian." "Fa'ad?" "I am Fa'ad." "I'm not Fazoul." "I'm not Fazoul." "ANNA:" "His generous donation made this all possible." "What did he do?" "I'm the one who got you this house!" "PUDDLE:" "My mom didn't realize that the reason Steve was so good at bouncing back from a hangover..." "He is a..." "He's a B-lister." "PUDDLE: ...was because A-listers are always expected to act like nothing happened the night before." "I got you drinks." "I got you food." "I got you these lights." "THIS IS (BLEEP)." "(BOTTLE SHATTERING)" "PUDDLE:" "Also, it's harder to walk on those runways than you think." "Emmy!" "Oh, hey, girls." "Emmy." "Emmy." "You okay?" "I've been coned." "I don't know what happened." "I did all this work for everyone without so much as a..." "Thank you?" "Welcome to my world." "And then I demanded a thank you." "Yeah, you're definitely off the A-list if you did that." "How did the Cuba booth go?" "Your daughter may have been knocked off the A-list too." "She's never gotten a B." "I know." "It turns out she really needed you." "As much as I hate to admit it," "I don't know how you do it every day." "Well, I don't know how you do this." "Well, the cones help." "They do make you feel cozy and safe." "To be honest, I actually thought it was gonna be eas..." "Okay, I'm also sorry for saying "e-zay."" "Thank you." "I know." "It was super annoying, wasn't it?" "You know, now with this whole newfound respect we have for each other, maybe we should give moving into the house a try." "Honestly, nothing would make me more happ-ay." "Wait, what?" "No, no, no, don't." "Oh, my gosh, that would make me so happ-ay." "We don't have to start with that." "Everybody's saying that." "I don't think we need to start..." "Some of the models on the way out were saying that." "I didn't hear anyone say that." "Oh, we're so happ-ay." "Look at us."