"Check two, one, two." "Check, check, check, check, checking one." "Mike check." "One, two, great." "Would you all be willing to talk about, like, a scary situation that you were in?" "We go in this building, and we round the corner." "Well, little did we know, they had gotten them a dog, a guard dog." "About that time, we hear something..." "And I go, "Oh, no, not again." We turn around..." " Cujo." " Cujo." "Ninety pounds of Rottweiler and 75 pounds of those are teeth." "I almost soiled my panties." "Blah, blah, blah." "Blah, blah, blah." "Wait, no." "Could you edit that?" "I'm gonna rattle off a bunch of things and both of you can chime in and, you know, if you're..." "I'm gonna go quickly, so just tell me if any of them are things that you're afraid of." "The dark." "You said you were going to rattle them off." " Oh, okay." " I don't hear any rattling." "Describe the feeling when you're really scared of something." "When I'm really scared of something, usually I will cry." "That's first." "And then I will feel like I need to pee a little bit, and often times I do, just a little." "And then I run." "I cry, I pee and I run." "I'm just claustrophobic." "I'll feel like..." "Like, I'm trapped, like I can't go nowhere, you know, and I'll start getting like, all desperate, like, I need to get out of here." "'Cause it's like, so small and I'm staying out of breath 'cause I'm claustrophobic." "I freeze." "I just freeze." "Because, in my experience, most of the active responses that I would have to danger, actually will make a situation worse." "He is afraid of the dark." " But he won't admit it." " I..." "I'm not afraid of it." "Yes, you are." "But I don't like the dark." " Ghosts." " Tornados." " Aliens." " Roller coasters." " Yeah, alien abductions." " Fires." "I'm scared of fires." "Having your car go into a river and be trapped." "Yeah." "Have you ever thought about that?" "It'd be, like, the worst way to die." "One of them anyway." "Do you believe in ghosts?" "Yes." " No, I don't believe in ghosts." " I do believe in ghosts." "I don't." "Because this house has ghosts in it." " You keep saying it doesn't, though." " It might." " Either it does or it doesn't." " It probably does." "Now it's "probably does" but..." "I just say that because I don't want to be scared." " What do you say?" "That it doesn't?" " Yeah." " It doesn't have ghosts, Megan." " Yeah, it does." "I spook easily, so I jump." "You touch me like this, I know," " and I don't know you're there." " I don't scare easily." "I do." "People say, "Living in New York, aren't you afraid?"" "I say..." "I said, "You know, they're afraid of me."" " I just kind of jump." " Yeah, we get jumpy." "Mom, I think I just said I get jumpy." " I get jumpy, too." " Okay, but that doesn't mean we get jumpy." "We both independently become jumpy." "I am afraid of..." "What kind of animals scare you?" "Gazelles." "Isn't that that animal that's half zebra, half whatever?" "Any half and half animal." "Why?" "I guess it really is the startling aspect." "Your mind starts to predict something." "It's used to the familiar." "Okay, I know what a horse is." "Whoa." "That horse is half zebra." "Like, how did this happen?" "Where am I?" "You know what animal scare me?" "I don't know if it animal or..." "Hippos, man." " Is hippos animal?" " Any animals I that I think I can..." "Yo, I don't wanna be in Africa." "There are dangerous, more animal in Africa, yo." "The hippos..." "Them eat you alive, yo." "Sharks." "Oh, my God, sharks." "I am wicked afraid of sharks." "Their teeth and they could eat you, and I just know that if they took a bite out of me, they would like it and then I would be a goner." "It would be game over for me." "What is that?" "She scared me." "I was like, "What is she screaming for?"" "I didn't know what it was." " What is wrong with you?" " I'm sorry I messed your tape up." "I grew up with a fear that somebody was gonna be looking in my window." "Maybe I got that from her, too." "Subconsciously." " Blame it on your mother." " Well, you can blame it on your mother." "She's not here." "She doesn't care." "It was her fault." "Is there anything that you're scared of?" "Heights." "Why?" "Because I'm far away from the ground." "I'm not afraid of heights but sometimes I get that feeling." "You know, in your abdominals and in your groin." "I don't believe in ladder technology." "I believe that it is a trap for the unwary." "Walking under a ladder isn't a smart thing." "I mean, it's a very narrow area, it's obviously something above you." "If I have to do it I will do it." "Ladders are very rickety and dangerous, and they can hurt you." "You would not fit under a ladder, hon, so that works out well for you." "If I get on a ladder, I don't care how stable it is." "I'll get up there and start shaking horribly and sweating, and I'll actually make it fall." "Do you think it's true that some animals can smell fear?" "I've always heard the saying that dogs could smell fear." " I don't..." " Do you mean that an animal can smell fear in another animal?" "Or that they can smell something which is the source of fear?" "What do you mean, they would smell something that's the source of fear?" " Like, in other words..." " The cause of fear." "Can you give an example?" " Like, do you mean like, there's..." " Something dangerous." "You mean something toxic?" "Well, I remember one day, I was walking and this dog bit me for no reason at all." "He bit me on the leg." "Since then, you know, I look at the dog," ""No, no, nice, good dog, it won't bother you."" "I don't trust anymore." "It was the summertime, I guess was too hot." "I don't know what the reason was." "No, it was because you didn't say hello to the dog, remember?" " You could smell something..." " Like a predator." "It would give off an odor, you mean?" " An animal would give off an odor..." " Yeah, that's how the..." "That's how the animal would come to know that it's in danger." "Oh, I see, I see." "Fight-or-flight syndrome is just a natural instinct to either stand up to a predator or run the other way and some animals have part of it heightened and others not." " Are you afraid of death?" " No, I'm not afraid of death." "I don't know if that's a good thing." "This bird flu thing does kind of scare me." "They're telling us that they don't have any antidote for it?" "Bird flu." "Nobody's going to get bird flu." " You don't think so?" " No." "It's all a scam." "Okay." "It'll kill off all the Europeans first anyway." "I'm not a big germ freak." "Yeah." "I'm not a germ phobe either." "I take..." "I like cleanliness." "Cleanliness." "I can't say that word." "Why clean?" "It only gets dirty again, that's my theory." "I..." "I do, a little bit, but I'm not what you call Mrs. Clean." "I'm Mrs. Messy." "Why do I think some people are scared of bugs?" "Because they..." "They don't know any better." "Simply put, ignorance." ""Only thing we have to fear is fear itself."" "Well, that's just stupid." "That's gobbledygook, man." "That's..." "That's psychobabble." "That's doubletalk." ""The only thing you have to be afraid of is being afraid."" "Well, okay, so we're afraid." "That's what we're trying to say to you." ""Well, you should be afraid of that." Well, we are afraid of it." "We're afraid of being afraid and we're also afraid on top of that." "What am I scared of?" "Anyone who knows more about me than they should." "And I married her, so I live in constant fear." "You're just trying to be cool, but you're not." "See, exactly." "Right there." "There's the immaturity." " Why don't you..." " You can't even say immaturity." "Stop." "Talk intelligent." " You sound like an idiot." " Will you..." " Grow up." " Don't touch me." "You grow up." " You're acting like a moron." " You are a moron." "Would you stop thinking you're better than me?" "I am better than you." "You know, I could tell you a story about a guy who attacked me with a machete, and I survived." "I could tell you about taking a rifle away from a grown man who was gonna kill another man." "I could tell you all kinds of stories like that, but none of them would compare." "The bravest thing I've ever done in my life is to be a father to my children." "That is the number one thing." "Kids." "Of course, we are all that way about them, they are so special." "Perfect!" "Perfect was the word I was thinking." "Well, special." " Genius, beautiful..." " Special." "...wonderful." "Don't make them..." "That "special" makes them sound like they got something wrong with them." "No, that wasn't what I meant, "Special." They're just super-duper kids." "Extraordinary." "Special." "You know, he's..." "He's very, very low-maintenance it seems..." "You know, he's..." "I mean, he's a fairly low-maintenance baby and" " he has his moments like everybody does." " Come here..." "I don't have any overwhelming desire to be a parent." "Are we missing anything if I don't have a kid?" "I don't think so." "There." "You know, they say that your own offspring have a frequency and a pitch, that your ears are tuned into it." "And so when they yell or scream or make a shriek or a cry, it feels like a 12-foot spike through your ears." "You have to remember that you are the parent no matter how hard it is or how tough it gets with them being upset, and then you getting upset." "And you have to remember you have to be the one giving and working things out." "That's part of the challenge." "Yeah, it's a full-time job." "It's aggravating sometimes, because, you know, sometimes you just can't reason with children." "And, you know, you can't shoot them, the law protects them." "As a child, I was afraid that my parents were going to murder me, and once I had lived long enough and they didn't," "I guess I had pretty much a trend going towards not being murdered, so I got over that pretty quick." "Well, I..." "I would never..." "That was..." "I was just trying to be funny." "Yeah." "We got spankings." "Of course, we didn't run, we stood there, and the first one that got it, got off the easiest, 'cause it was all over, and then the others, they had to sit there to watch while the spanking was a-coming" "and they'd holler and you know, the last one he was, he'd..." "Just the mental thing was the worst for him." "The best part of being a kid is because you don't have to pay for food." "I would say you don't have to pay for anything." "These kids are an absolute sink of your resources." "That's why God makes us love them." "Well, being put up for adoption, nobody want to take you," "I guess that could..." "That could really give you an attitude." "I mean, after a while you feel like, "Maybe nobody..." ""Maybe nobody love me, maybe I see why they gave me away" ""'cause maybe they didn't love me, maybe..." "Maybe nobody loves me."" "Special." "He's got a lot of good, positive, qualities." "But I guess any mother would say that about her son." "What's wrong with kids today?" "A lot of things are wrong." "They're over-privileged." "They have too much money to spend." " You mean allowance." " Allowance." "That's because I come from a different generation." " You come..." "Which generation are you?" " Prehistoric." "Well, my mom will be like, "You're so lazy." "You're a teenager or whatever."" "I'm like, "No, I just need some time to, like, reboot or whatever," because I have..." "There's so many like, weird and hormonal clashes and, like, emotions, and you just need to, like, lie on your ass for a couple of days to recharge or whatever." "He's got a great sense of humor." "He enjoys a good conversation, and he's very affable." " What?" " You're very affable." " Affable?" " Yeah." "It's crazy being a parent because I've never, in my life, had such a protective instinct." "But it's hard 'cause you tell them you love them and you'll cuddle with them and hug them, and they just give you a blank stare." "I want to leave so bad." "There's no energy here." "It's all very, like, bags of lard with skin stretched over them wandering around, like cattle mostly." "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "Well, when I grow up, I want..." "I want to be strong." "So when I get mad, they would stop." "I mean, very strong." "I wanna go to Boston Blaine's Hairdressing School." "That's my dream and that's my goal." "When you were kids growing up, were you interested in becoming a police officer?" "I wasn't." " Not..." "Not in the least." " No." "I wanted to be a shark." "Like, a shark that swims..." " Not a loan shark." " Okay." "A shark." "His innate sense of criticism is so interesting 'cause he'll get to the heart of the matter which is very important for a mature adolescent." "I wasn't really paying attention, but if I had, I'm pretty sure I'd be disagreeing right now." "Now you would be surprised how smart I have gotten since she has become a mother." "I'm telling you, there was a time when I was" " a dimwit." " No." "No." " I knew nothing, you know?" " No." "Well, like you probably thought I was stupid too." "Well, there were times when I didn't think you were real smart." "I have a great Shakespeare quote for you." "It goes, "I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty," ""or that youth would sleep out the rest."" "Well, let me read my quote." ""Thou mother who have no lifeth readeth literatureth..."" "Thank you very much." "I've..." "I've gone through some tough times." "I've been busted up some but, by golly, I'll tell you when that little grandson or granddaughter comes out and gives you a hug, why, you know, that's..." "That makes life worth living, yep." "Well, I had a kind of a difficult delivery, actually." "And the nurse brought her to the door, you know, so I could see her." "And I put my hand up, and she put her little fingers around my finger." "And it was as if to say, "Hey, Mama."" "It was just like we had always known each other, and we had." " We had." " We had." " We've always known each other." " We've been together a long time." "We just love you so much." "He's pretty low-maintenance." "I have tiny little feet like horses' hoofs." "And it's not true what they say about men's feet in terms of..." "I have really beautiful feet." "I've been known to seduce beautiful women with my feet." "Ain't the prettiest feet in the world, but they get me where I want to go." "So, yeah, I get some great feet rubs." "I have this thing, my toes get really hot." "They..." "Well, it's true." "They get really hot." "I mean, and swollen." " It's like a red beacon." " It's horrible." " And it sounds funny, but it's horrible." " It's disgusting." "It's not disgusting." "You have stumpy toes." "Well, it's better to have stumpy toes than long, nasty fungus feet." "I don't have a fungus toenail anymore." "It's gone." "I got them thick nails so when you cut them, you might wanna put a pair of goggles on, and stand back a minute, 'cause them babies might start popping and it's on." "Know what I mean?" "Her feet are fine." "Her toenails, though, need to be maintained" " by some..." " My toenails are perfect." "They have had problems in the past and you know about it." "Why are you trying to suck my toes all the time?" "I'm not trying to suck your..." "He sucks on my toes to torment me." "It's the grossest thing." "He sticks all of my toes in his mouth." "It's disgusting." "Yet she's smiling and clapping." " You think it's sexy." " You know what?" " You think it feels good and it doesn't." " I did that a couple of times to try and get some kind of response." " I thought maybe..." "Maybe..." " Or bite my ear, "How do you like this?"" "Do you like anything?" "Is there anything that brings you pleasure?" "I love Jimmy Choo." "Giuseppe Zanotti, Miu Miu, sometimes." "I have a tendency to..." "To pick at my toenails." "You know?" "Because they're so interesting to me, my toenails, they tend to..." "To kind of almost be like talons." "Marc Jacobs sometimes for flats." "My favorite now is Stella McCartney." "I'm in love with everything Stella McCartney." "Pointy toe, round toe, peep toe." "A heel, give me a heel and I'll work it." ""He picks his toes." "Oh, my God." ""Wait till that gets onto the A.P." ""It's gonna be the end of that guy." "Toe-picker." ""I thought so." "He looked like a toe-picker to me." ""He's a toe-picker."" " Do it." " I can't do it." " All right." " Okay." "Her feet smell like beef stroganoff."