"(coughing)" "BURT:" "Does the song" ""Glow Worm" by the Mills Brothers mean anything to you?" "No." "Go get the record player." "Maybe it'll shake something loose." "Oh, hey, look." "Here's the recipe for your mother's pasta sauce." "Fill your dress full of the neighbor's tomatoes, add five bottles of homemade red wine-- drinking as you go-- finish off with a fistful of garlic and three pounds of ground varmint." "Any of that jog any memories?" "Uh... no." "Hey, happy Mother's Day." "Thanks." "What's with all the stuff?" "Your father and I thought it'd be a nice" "Mother's Day gift for Maw Maw if we helped her remember she actually had a mother once." "But so far, we're not having any luck." "We can't find any pictures of her." "I'm telling you, I don't think I had a mother." "Maybe she didn't." "I mean, none of us ever saw her." "Maw Maw is pretty old." "Maw Maw, you might be the first woman." "It's possible." "She had a mother." "Her name was Norma June." "Hey, where's Sabrina?" "Oh, she's still outside with Hope." "She's trying to track down her mother so she can wish her a happy Mother's Day." "No, I don't want to order takeout." "I, uh..." "I have a hotel from Beijing on the other line, and I was wondering if you could tell me how to say," ""Is my mother there?"" "Fine, I'll take an order of egg rolls." "♪ Shine, little glowworm, glimmer, glimmer... ♪" "Keep playing it, Burt." "Is it your mother, Maw Maw?" "Does this song remind you of your mother?" "No, my father." "He used to play this record all the time." "And-and-and we would dance all..." "Burt, turn it off." "Maw Maw, why don't you go in the backyard and see if you can get us a varmint for dinner." "On it." "At least now we know we can jog her memory if we find the right thing." "Hey, um, can I borrow this little box?" "Yeah, I guess." "Why?" "Well, I was going to save it for Mother's Day dinner, but..." "I'm pretty excited about it, so..." "Here." "Check it out." "Hope made it at daycare." "Oh, my God." "I love it." "I absolutely love it." "I'm never taking it off." "Oh, Mom, yeah, the necklace isn't for you;" "it's for Sabrina." "Excuse me?" "Uh... it's for Sabrina." "I'm going to give it to her at-at dinner tonight." "That's... that's why I'm going to put it in the box." "Uh, well... (chuckles)" "I feel stupid." "Here you go." "All right, hey, you know," "I'm-I'm sorry that you thought it was for you." "Hey." "JIMMY:" "Hey, uh, did you get in touch with your mom?" "Uh, not yet." "From what I can tell, she's on a tandem bike tour of the Great Wall of China with some guy named Ping." "(animals squealing and chittering)" "I couldn't find a varmint." "But I found three critters and a rascal." "Beef jerky, kettle corn and soda." "Well, that's got diabetes and road trip written all over it." "Where you headed?" "Up to Hagerstown." "Gonna take some pictures of the house" "Maw Maw grew up in and see if it shakes loose any memories of her mother." "Huh, I was going to take a road trip today, too." "Visit my two moms for Mother's Day." "But they canceled to go outlet shopping." "Flannel Dome's having a big sale." "Yeah, looks like Barney spent a weekend in Washington marching to give them the right to break my heart." "You know, if you want some company," "I'll be glad to come along." "Uh, why not?" "Always nice to have some company in the car in case a duet comes on the radio." "Frank, you're in charge." "I'm not sure if I'm up to it." "Today's Mother's Day, and I haven't talked to my mom in..." "Frank, suck it up." "Nobody cares." "I'd like to drive on the way back, if you don't mind." "Not that I didn't enjoy the excitement of beating that train at the crossing, but you can only turn your underwear inside out once." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm just taking a few pictures." "Actually, I was wondering if I could take some pictures inside, too." "My wife's great-grandmother used to live here." "Her name's Norma June Mayfair." "What the hell do you want?" "Nothing." "We don't want anything." "We'll leave." "We're leaving." "Why did you say my name?" "I didn't." "I said Norma June May..." "Wait a minute." "Are you Norma June Mayfair?" "You bet your ass I am." "(gun cocks)" "(gasps)" "I want my mommies." "What you want?" "(stammering):" "Calm down." "I'm a relative of yours." "I'm married to your great-granddaughter, Virginia." "Her grandmother's your daughter." "I don't have a daughter." "Well, Burt, I don't think the little guy from Lord of the Rings would lie, so I think we should be on our way." "Look, you're very old, and if you're anything like your daughter," "I'm sure your memory isn't great, but you have a family who loves you." "They just thought you were dead." "I am dead." "I've been dead for 20 years." "Are you an angel?" "Are you here to take me to Heaven?" "Huh?" "She's a ghost, Burt." "She's a ghost, and we're the only people seeing her." "Maybe we're dead, too." "I bet you didn't really beat that train at the crossing and we got hit." "Damn you, Burt." "I had so much to live for." "I never saw Breaking Bad." "I was saving it." "Why did I save it?" "!" "Excuse me, sir?" "Do you see an extremely old woman on the porch?" "Norma June?" "Yeah, I see her." "So, the shotgun aimed at your head... not a concern for you?" "No, the gun's empty." "We do this every day." "She's harmless." "Hasn't left the house in years." "She thinks she's dead and she's waiting for angels to come get her." "What kind of varmint is this?" "This is amazing." "Maw Maw's mother is alive." "Sh-Should we call Virginia and have her bring Maw Maw here?" "No, no." "I want that to be a surprise for Virginia, too." "This is going to be the best Mother's Day ever." "We're bringing Norma June home with us." "Norma June." "Who the hell are you?" "Are you an angel?" "No, my name is Burt." "And I'm going to take you home with us." "You're going to meet your daughter." "I ain't got no daughter." "Now, get!" "Look, I know there aren't any bullets in the gun, so... (groaning)" "Well, I wonder what she does to keep in shape." "She's quite spry." "Maw Maw's ma sure put a lot of red wine in her pasta sauce." "Most of the alcohol burns off when you cook it." "Yeah, even still, we should make a separate batch for Hope." "Not that drunk three-year-olds aren't funny, but she has a hard enough time walking a straight line as it is." "Actually, Hope's been walking pretty good for a while." "How long has it been?" "Sabrina, do you remember when Hope took her first steps?" "Um, I'm not sure." "Oh, that's right." "You weren't around back then." "I remember my back always hurt from walking hunched over holding her little hands." "That was a mother of a job." "Okay, Mom." "But that wasn't anywhere near as bad as when she cut her first tooth." "Were you around for that, Sabrina?" "I can't remember." "Oh, it's probably my mom." "It's an international call." "Mom?" "Hi, Mr. Ping." "Oh, sorry, Ping's your first name." "Can you cool it with the questions?" "What?" "I'm just making conversation." "Filled with questions one would think a mother should know." "Sabrina knows plenty about Hope." "Not as much as me." "It's not a trivia contest, Mom." "The macaroni necklace doesn't go to the person who knows the date that Hope switched from diapers to big-girl pants." "December 14." "I bought them for her, and they had butterflies on them." "You're being insane." "(sighs) Hey, did you get to wish your mom a Happy Mother's Day?" "Nope." "Ping said she's at a casino in Macau on an epic 18-hour blackjack run." "She thinks, if she gets on the phone with me, it'll be bad luck." "I need some "shut up" lollipops and Band-Aids." "The neighbor kid fell into my varmint trapping pit." "(knocking)" "Who are you?" "What do you want?" "♪ We are from Heaven ♪" "♪ Ah... ♪" "And we want you." "You are, uh, Norma June Mayfair, right?" "Yes." "Good." "We were supposed to pick you up years ago and take you to Heaven, but, uh, there was a mix-up." "God sends his apologies." "Angels have wings and halos, and-and their breath doesn't smell like beef jerky and kettle corn." "♪ Shine, little glowworm, glimmer, glimmer ♪" "♪ Shine, little glowworm, glimmer, glimmer ♪ Ooh." "I-I..." "I know that song." "(humming)" "I think my husband used to sing it." "I think I had a husband." "Yes, you did." "And you can see your family again... if you come with us." "I promise." "♪ Lead us down the path we wander ♪" "♪ Love's sweet voice is calling yonder ♪" "BURT and BARNEY: ♪ Shine, little glowworm, glimmer, glimmer ♪" "♪ Hey there, don't get dimmer, dimmer ♪" "♪ Light the path below, above and lead us on to love ♪" "Hey!" "Virginia!" "Virginia!" "I got a surprise for Maw Maw." "I got a surprise for everybody." "Did you get pictures of the house?" "Better." "(singsongy):" "Look what I found." "(gasps) Burt, what is that?" "It's your great-grandmother." "She's alive." "What?" "So you're God and... this is Heaven?" "I gave up 5,000" "Sunday mornings for this?" "But it can't be her." "She'd have to be..." "104." "Yep." "(indistinct conversation)" "Who are you two ragamuffins?" "Good Lord." "What is that?" "It's your great-great-grandmother." "Happy Mother's Day, everybody." "Mom?" "Barbara June?" "You!" "You." "(growling)" "Oh, my." "You wrinkled prune!" "You dim-witted nincompoop!" "Nincompoop?" "How dare you call me the... (whispers):" "N-word?" "Stop it." "This is crazy." "Why do you two hate each other so much?" "I'll tell you why." "I remember it like it was yesterday." "You don't remember yesterday." "Good point." "But I remember this." "(jaunty piano music playing)" "My mother sent me out to buy some heating oil." "The man said he'd bring the oil to the house, but I was flimflammed." "On the way home, I saw a new movie was opening, but I didn't have any money, so I used my feminine wiles to get in for free." "When I got home, my mother was furious." "She accused me of spending the oil money to go to the movies." "So I headed west from Hagerstown to Natesville, and that was the last I ever saw of her." "So you two haven't spoken in 70 years over a misunderstanding?" "There's no misunderstanding." "She stole from me-- 25 big ones." "So you're telling me that this fight is only over $25?" "25 cents." "Those were "big ones" back then." "(groans)" "Fine." "This is all I ever wanted." "My little girl." "Mommy." "Best Mother's Day ever." "This is so sweet." "I've got to use your john." "It might be a while." "I can't tell you what for 'cause a lady doesn't discuss her business." "(Norma June passing gas repeatedly)" "And on those notes... it's time for dinner." "I'll help you set the table." "Just make sure you give Hope her favorite color dish." "What are you doing?" "Pink's not Hope's favorite color." "Yeah, it is." "No, that's just part of a girly phase she's going through right now." "Green has always been her favorite color." "It was also her first word." "Except she called it "geen."" "It was so cute." "Of course you weren't..." "There." "Yeah, I know." "Is there something going on?" "Hey, you know what?" "Uh, I was gonna wait till after dinner to do this, but the anticipation is killing me." "So, go on." "Mmm." "(gasps)" "Did you...?" "(gasps)" "Oh, my goodness." "And look, you even painted it your favorite color "geen."" "Jimmy, did I do something?" "Yep, you married into a crazy family." "I'll be right back." "Leave me alone." "I think you're acting pretty silly over a macaroni necklace." "It's not about the necklace, Jimmy." "The only good female family relationship" "I had left was me and Hope" "I barely remember my mother." "Maw Maw barely remembers anything." "This was it." "She was my little girl." "(Norma June groaning)" "NORMA JUNE:" "Fruitcake?" "When the hell did I eat fruitcake?" "(toilet flushes)" "Hope's still your little girl." "Not for long." "As she grows up, she'll never even remember the time when it was just me and her." "Sabrina will be her mother, and..." "I'll just be the crazy old lady screaming from the bathroom." "Norma June, it's been a little while." "You need some help in there?" "Norma June?" "BARNEY:" "Burt, could you come here for a second?" "I think she's dead." "Did you try mouth-to-mouth?" "Uh... yeah." "But maybe you should give it a shot." "Uh..." "Nah, she's dead." "Worst Mother's Day ever." "Is that fruitcake?" "Ah, man, do we really need a stretcher?" "I'm trying to hide this from the rest of the family so it doesn't put a damper on Mother's Day." "Can't we just Weekend at Bernie's her out of here?" "(Burt laughing)" "Shouldn't we tell Barbara June?" "It's her mother." "(sighs)" "(gasping)" "Maw Maw." "Chow time, warden?" "Do you have a mother?" "Nope." "As long as she doesn't see her again, I think we're good." "Hey." "Hey." "(sighs)" "I want you to have this." "No." "That's yours." "Hope made it for you." "Jimmy wants you to have it." "I was just being... crazy." "Yeah, yeah, I know." "That's why I'm gonna keep the necklace that Hope made." "'Cause this one is one that I made for you." "Happy Mother's Day." "That's very sweet, but it's not Mother-in-Law's Day;" "it's Mother's Day." "You should give that to your mother." "Over the last few years, you have been more of a mother to me than my mother ever was." "I want you to have this." "I see what you're doing, and it's very sweet, but..." "What's my favorite color?" "(sighs)" "What is it?" "Orange." "And you know that because...?" "Because, for your wedding, you and I spent two days driving to every supermarket in town buying all the orange flowers." "And how did I chip my tooth?" "You thought you could skateboard drunk on Cinco de Mayo." "And you not only chipped your tooth, you sprained your ankle." "And when did I start walking again?" "(sighs)" "Three days later on Ocho de Mayo." "(cell phone ringing) Oh." "You should take that." "(clears throat)" "Hello?" "(music playing loudly over phone)" "Hello?" "Mom, is that you?" "Mom, I can't hear you over the music." "Oh, crap." "Is this here for me?" "No." "(sighs) Good." "Bye, Jimmy." "Surprised you made it this far." "(groaning)" "Smells like someone died in here." "Yeah, I was just calling to wish you a Happy Mother's Day." "Happy Mother's Day." "Oh, no, no, wait." "I want you to hear this." "(button beeps)" "Hey, Mom?" "What's my favorite color?" "I'm gonna guess black, since your husband is black." "Hmm, yeah, that's my stepsister." "Oh, then I don't know your favorite color." "MAN:" "Say red." "Red is very powerful color." "Like Tiger Woods on final day." "Mom, do you remember how old I was I when I first walked?" "Got my first tooth and said my first word?" "I don't know." "If you can't remember those things, how the heck am I supposed to?" "Look, I got to go." "But thanks for calling." "Happy birthday." "No, it's Mother's..." "(click)" "(sighs)" "Ah, there's my favorite moms." "Hmm." "Hey, aren't we missing a table setting?" "Oh, uh, Norma June left." "Don't tell me her and Maw Maw got in another fight." "No, uh, she left peacefully." "Very peacefully." "I'll give you the details later." "This pasta sauce tastes familiar." "Yup, this is my mother's recipe." "Do you remember your mother?" "Oh, yeah." "We had a falling out a long time ago, but in the end," "I think we made up." "(cell phone rings)" "Oh." "Oh." "Ooh, I got to take that." "Save me a meatball." "I don't want to gross everybody out, but we did not make meatballs for this pasta." "Hello?" "MAN:" "Ah, yes." "Yeah, me and" "Lucy Liu." "Lin-sanity!" "It's just me." "Stop it." "It's just her." "Did it work?" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "It worked." "She totally bought it." "Thank you." "So, your mother never called, huh?" "No." "I'm sorry." "That's okay." "I'm with my family." "♪ ♪" "♪ I want a mom that will last forever ♪" "♪ I want a mom to make it all better ♪" "♪ I want a mom to take my hand ♪" "♪ And make me feel like a holiday ♪" "♪ A mom to tuck me in at night and chase the monsters away... ♪"