"Good morning." "Just a minute, please." "Will I fill it up, sir?" "No, thanks." "I got off the main highway." "Can you tell me where I am?" "This is Cucamonga." "That's good." "We think so." "Were you looking for anybody special?" "I'm trying to find the Perkins' farm." "Oh, they're very good friends." "Go straight ahead to the first crossroads, turn left, and it's the first house on your right." "Thanks a lot." "You're much obliged." "The salesman who allows the purchaser to escape without buying anything, is wasting his own time, the time ofhis employer and the customer's time." "To our students we say, be diplomatic, but be firm!" "If you meet with sales resistance, attack it!" "Break it down!" "Aaah!" "A humorous story will detain the customer... until you can think of something to sell him." "For example, the following humorous story should be memorized." "Ready?" "Yes, sir." "A man and his wife were quarreling in bed one night." "The wife was jealous of her husband's stenographer." "You catch?" "So, the husband said to his wife..." "Turn over on the other side." ""Turn over on the other side"?" "Turn over on the other side?" "Turn over." "Turn over, Benny." "Ohh!" "Turn the record over." "Excuse me." "Boy, am I dumb." "I didn't see you there, Mom." "You know, dear, I can't help worrying about you." "Last night you played your lessons until way after 10:00." "Mom, we must remember." "I'm a slow learner." "Keeping such late hours... and then getting up at 5:00 to do the milking!" "It's just not good for you, son." "You don't have to worry." "I'm up to my last lesson." "It's all over and boy, oh boy, am I gonna make money!" "I'm gonna fix it that you don't have to work so hard anymore." "Especially on Sundays." "Why, for $10,000, I can buy up the ranches on both sides of us." "Then I can hire the hired men to work for you." "I'm gonna buy you the best rocking chair in the world." "Oh, thanks." "But $10,000?" "That's nothing at all, Mom." "A good salesman in one year can make $10,000 just like that!" "All you gotta do is learn how." "It says so on the records." "Here, sit down, Mom." "I want you to listen to Professor Watkins." "This is lesson 24." "You asked me what is real salesmanship." "I'll tell you." "It doesn't require talent to sell a customer something he came in to buy." "Salesmanship consists in selling him something he did not come in to buy." "Shall I repeat?" "No, that's all right." "I'll repeat it." "Salesmanship consists in selling a customer something he doesn't know he wants... until you convince him of it." "You must look him confidently in the eye and decide for him." "Do not take no for an answer!" "Ain't that guy terrific?" "Did I learn a lot from him!" "I don't know, Benny." "It doesn't seem neighborly to sell a person something he doesn't need." "Mom, that's old-fashioned." "There's a customer now." "I'll prove it to you." "I go out there and I'll face him... and look him right in the eye... confidentially." "And I won't take no for an answer." "How do you do?" "What can I do for you?" "The customer's out there." "How do you do, sir?" "Helping yourself to some air?" "It's free air, isn't it?" "Yes, sir!" "How 'bout some gas?" "Some oil?" "Nope." "Nope." "How 'bout some..." "I don't want any water either." "Oh, hey, mister!" "How 'bout some nice, fresh California naval oranges?" "My mama just picked them this morning." "I don't want any." "Oranges are good for you." "Oranges are good for you, huh?" "My father owns a lemon grove, but you say everybody should eat oranges!" "There's vitamin C in oranges, and everybody should have vitamin C." "For two years, the specialists have been giving me vitamin A, B and D." "But, no, you're smarter." "You say I need vitamin C." "Look, mister..." "I'm sorry." "I tripped over the oranges." "Oranges are good for you?" "Oranges are very good for you." "How 'bout some nice..." "I'm sorry again." "I'm so anxious." "How 'bout a nice jar of marmalade?" "I don't eat marmalade." "You don't eat marmalade." "Why don't you take a jar home to your children." "Let 'em have a spoonful." "One spoonful, huh?" "One spoonful of marmalade for 11 kids." "But they're only my kids." "They're not entitled to any more!" "Mister, take the whole jar." "Let the kids eat the whole jar." "Oh, they should stuff themselves and get sick?" "Now you've got me paying doctor bills." "I don't want you to pay bills." "Oh, a man goes to medical school for eight years, studies day and night, becomes a doctor, saves my children's lives... and you want me to beat him out of his bill, huh?" "I didn't say that." "Oh, I said it." "I go around telling everybody I'm a deadbeat." "I hope you're satisfied." "You stuff my kids with your marmalade, you got 'em sick, now I've gotta explain to the doctors what's wrong." "You won't have to do that." "They'll find out for themselves." "Oh yeah?" "They can experiment on my kids?" "Use my kids for guinea pigs." "Say it." "My kids are guinea pigs." "Your kids ain't guinea pigs." "Oh... they're just plain pigs, huh?" "Mister, if you don't want the marmalade that my mama made this morning, how 'bout some nice fresh eggs my mama laid..." "I mean, the leghorns laid them this morning." "Buddy, I don't want eggs." "You don't want any eggs?" "No eggs." "These are very fine eggs." "Even the worst cook..." "Oh, the worst cook?" "Now you're draggin' my wife into the argument." "My wife is a rotten cook." "Go on, say it." "Your wife's a good cook." "I suppose the indigestion comes from the tonic I use on my head, huh?" "Talk about my wife..." "I don't wanna talk about your wife." "Now my wife isn't good enough to be talked about!" "Just come out and say it." "I know what you're thinking." "My wife is a miserable old hag." "Just the thought of kissing my wife makes a person sick and disgusted." "I wouldn't say that." "I think kissing your wife's a pleasure." "You're the guy, huh?" "Mister, please, I don't mean any harm." "Please, leave me alone." "I'm only trying to be a good salesman." "And a good salesman should never take no for an answer." "What do you say?" "No!" "Good." "That's all I wanted to know." "It's nice doing business with a man like you." "Good-bye." "Ma?" "Ma?" "It worked!" "It worked, Ma!" "Benny?" "Ma, I did everything I was supposed to." "I looked him in the eye, confidentially, and I wouldn't take no for an answer." "Boy, did I sell him a lot of stuff." "That's fine, Benny." "How much did it come to all together?" "What?" "How much money did you get?" "Money?" "Hey?" "Hey, you!" "Hey, you, come back here!" "How do you like that?" "A crook." "Ah, keep your shirt on!" "Martha?" "Martha!" "I didn't know it was you." "You don't have to take your shirt..." "It was somebody else, 'cause when I was..." "No." "Yes!" "My last lesson." "And something else too." "Oh, gosh!" "I'm so proud of you, Benny." "Are ya?" "Mm-hmm." "Nobody thought you'd ever graduate." "That is, nobody but me." "I was sure you'd make it." "Today I am a salesman." "Yoo-hoo?" "Martha, any mail for me?" "No, Mrs. Miller." "Come on." "Let's graduate!" "Oh, Mom!" "Look!" "Come on in." "You're just in time." "Ohh!" "Give it to me." "I almost didn't graduate." "You better let me." "You're too nervous." "It's the excitement." "Students and dear friends and family... who have congregated for this joyful occasion, be seated, please." "Here, Martha, take this chair." "Oh, all right." "I'm not going to take up your time with any long-winded congratulations." "By this time, you're probably sick and tired of the sound of my voice." "Have you the registered container that arrived with this record?" "Martha's got it." "Please take out the diploma." "Now, student, stand up, and the closest of kin will make the presentation." "The Record Correspondence School takes pride in conferring upon you... this diploma of graduation... and with it the degree of B.S., bachelor of salesmanship!" "Congratulations!" "Congratulations, son." "Hail, Alma mater That's my "Alma mama" song." "Ever be thy glory" "Famed in song and story" "Record Correspondence School" "Deep our devotion" "Over land and ocean" "Proudly you will rule" "Record Correspondence School" "Are we happy?" "Well, I guess." "We're all students of R.C.S." "Yes, yes, yes." "R.C.S." "Record Correspondence School" "Resume your seat, please, and listen carefully." "Now that the door of success is open to you, walk through it." "Don't waste your knowledge and ability in a small place." "Go at once to the city!" "I'll go to Pomona." "A big city!" "All right, San Diego." "The biggest city in the state." "Los Angeles?" "Yes, the biggest city in the state." "Okay, Los Angeles." "And go now... today!" "That does it." "You heard what the man said." "I gotta go now... today!" "But, Benny?" "Benny?" "Mom, I'm going up and pack a clean shirt." "You heard the man." "I gotta get to Los Angeles." "But Los Angeles is such a big city." "What are you gonna do there?" "Get a job as a salesman." "Listen, son, you can't just walk into a big city like that... and expect to get a job right away." "Uncle Clarence did." "That was 20 years ago, and he's been with the same company ever since." "Don't you think he could get Benny a job?" "Put in a good word?" "Martha, that's a grand thought!" "That's great." "I was gonna think of that myself." "Thank heavens that's settled." "Clarence will be delighted to have his favorite nephew working with him." "Gee, ain't that great?" "Who would've thought that Uncle Clarence would have ever come in handy?" "Well, Martha, the time has come to say good-bye." "Bye, Benny." "You are coming back, aren't you?" "I mean, someday when you're a big success." "I'm only going on account of you." "You mean that, Benny?" "I'm gonna go so I can come back with a lot of money and lay it at your feet." "Oh, Benny!" "Gee!" "What I've been missing all these years!" "This is my lucky day." "First I graduate, and now I'm engaged." "Engaged?" "I kissed you, didn't I?" "Oh, Benny!" "Don't you wanna see me go?" "Bye, Benny, dear." "Bye, Martha." "Going up." "Hercules Company." "Tenth floor." "This is it." "Whitney 7039." "I'm getting your number." "Yes, dear, I think I can be there." "Just a minute, dear." "Room 1026, right down the hall." "Thank you." "I'm ringing them." "Yes, dear." "Yes, dear." "Excuse me?" "Come in." "Thank you." "I'm looking for my Uncle Clarence." "Uncle Clarence?" "Yes." "Uncle Clarence." "That's the brother to my mother." "My mother's..." "Oh, could you mean Mr. Goodring?" "Uncle Clarence Goodring." "I'm sorry." "He's in Mr. Morrison's office." "That's clearly understood, I presume?" "Oh, yes." "Quite." "That's fine." "Have a cigar." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Oh, and you better have your girl put this away, Mr. Morrison." "Mr. Goodring, you've been with this company a long time." "I want you to know the president, Mr. Van Loan, and myself, appreciate your loyalty." "Thank you, sir." "I've tried to do my best." "It's been difficult at times keeping two sets of books..." "Oh, yes, I was coming to that." "I was going to suggest a little raise for you." "Let's say $20 a month." "Well, thank you, sir." "Say nothing about it, old boy." "It's a..." "Oh, excuse me." "I'm sorry." "I..." "Come in." "I've been expecting you." "Good afternoon, Miss Temple." "Good afternoon." "I'd like to get your reaction of Miss Temple's idea of our new advertising campaign." "Do you mind?" "I'd love it." "Of course this is a rough layout." "With the right model and the right photographer..." "I like it!" "It's different." "Thank you." "What do you think, Mr. Goodring?" "I agree with Mr. Morrison." "He would." "I just gave him a raise." "I'll go back to my office." "Are you expecting anybody else?" "No, dear." "Oh, darling!" "Oh, did I hate you when that alarm clock went off this morning." "Don't blame me." "It was your birthday." "And our anniversary." "Married two whole months!" "Shh!" "Never mention that around here." "Walls have ears." "Sorry." "I keep forgetting I'm your secret bride." "Shh." "Benny, there's nothing I wouldn't do to help you and your mother." "That's what Mama says." "Mama says you'll be very glad to help me get a job here." "Ah, the trouble is, I can't." "I don't see why not." "I'm a graduate salesman." "I'm a B.S." "Yes, I know, Benny." "But there's a strict rule in the office... against hiring relatives of anyone who works here." "Oh." "No relatives, huh?" "Mr. Morrison made that rule last year." "And nobody breaks any rules of Mr. Morrison's, that is, not over once." "Good-bye, Uncle Clarence." "Mr. Miller?" "Mr. Miller?" "Benny!" "Close the door." "I'm taking a chance." "After all, Anna's my only sister." "I'm her only boy." "And I'm writing a letter of introduction to Mr. Morrison." "But, remember, don't tell him that you're my nephew." "Who will I tell him I am?" "Just say that you're a Benny Miller from Cucamonga." "But I am Benny Miller from Cucamonga." "I know you are!" "Just a moment, please." "That model's here, sir." "Ask that young man to wait." "Yes, sir." "Thanks." "I'll be back in a minute as soon as I get a glass of water." "I drink four quarts of water every day." "Really?" "Yeah." "I used to drink five, but now I don't get up so early." "I want to see Mr. Morrison." "Come in and have a seat." "I'll be right back." "Send that young man in." "Come in, come in." "Close the door." "Thank you." "I got a letter from my un..." "I mean, I got a letter." "It's about a job." "Yes, I understand." "Take your coat off, please." "Take my coat off?" "Mm-hmm." "Yes, sir." "Now, um..." "And your shirt." "Take my shirt off?" "Take your shirt off." "Why?" "I want to see your muscles." "Oh, you wanna see my muscles?" "That's right." "Talking about my muscles, I have the biggest muscles in Cucamonga." "You know how I got 'em?" "I got those big muscles from helping my mama." "She picks the oranges and puts 'em in the crates." "I gotta lift the crates." "Gives me big muscles." "I'll let you know." "Yes, sir." "There you are." "Take off the rest of your clothes!" "You mean, my pants?" "Yes, please." "All finished." "Ah, let's see." "Turn around." "You certainly don't look like Hercules to me." "Who wants to look like a vacuum cleaner?" "Who's talking about a vacuum?" "I'm talking about Hercules, a man!" "Surely you've heard of Hercules?" "What's his last name?" "Like Hercules Brown." "Hercules Ginsberg." "Everybody has a last name." "No last name, just Hercules!" "An old Greek hero." "Oh... him!" "What's he do?" "He cleaned out some stables." "Cleaned out stables?" "That's nothing." "I clean out stables every week in Cucamonga." "But these stables were different." "Did they have horses in them?" "Certainly they had horses!" "Then if there was horses in 'em, it's no different." "I don't know what you're talking about." "All I want you to do is pose as Hercules in our new advertising campaign." "But, Mr. Morrison!" "Quiet!" "Sit down." "Mr. Morrison, here's another idea for..." "Excuse me." "Ohh!" "Hercules." "It must be drafty down there." "Come out before you catch cold." "It ain't my fault." "He made me do it." "Here are your clothes." "You can "repants" yourself in there." "Thank you." "I never was undressed like this before in public." "Thank you ever so much." "He's cute, isn't he?" "Why didn't you introduce me?" "Introduce you!" "Don't try to rib me." "What's the idea of sending me a guy like that?" "Oh, Hercules!" "Of course, silly." "Show him your muscles." "Never mind, the job is yours." "Get out." "Scram." "If he's Hercules, who's that in there?" "Maybe it's Cupid." "I'm not kidding." "This can be serious." "Take it easy, Eddie." "Someone's probably just ribbing you." "That's just it." "If Van Loan hears, I'll be the laughingstock of this office." "They'll be calling you, "Take 'em off, Morrison. " Cut it out, Hazel." "We've gotta do something to keep that little guy's mouth shut." "Pull yourself together, big shot." "Hazel will fix." "Come out, come out, whoever you are." "I'm comin'." "Hello?" "Hello there." "I'm Hazel Temple from the art department." "I'm Benny Miller from Cucamonga." "It's certainly wonderful meeting a fellow from Cucamonga." "Thank you." "Do you mind if I fix your tie, Benny?" "No, ma'am." "Oh, you smell nice." "You smell just like... just like..." "Like what, Benny?" "Just like my mama's flower garden on a bright moonlight night." "There, I said it." "Benny, there've been a lot of mistakes made here." "Mr. Morrison made the first one." "He mistook you for somebody else." "Yes, I know." "A Greek strongman." "He's awfully sorry." "Aren't you?" "Yes, I've never been so embarrassed in my life." "I wish there was something I could do to prove it to you." "Shucks, you can!" "You can give me a job." "Ajob?" "What kind of a job, handsome?" "Oh, I ain't really handsome." "I'll bet you haven't got a salesman like me." "Listen to this." "Salesmanship is an art in knowing human nature." "It doesn't require great talent to sell a customer something he come in to buy." "Good salesmanship is selling a customer something he did not come in to buy." "Sometimes a humorous story will do the trick." "But, I'm afraid..." "You're not going to let this get away from you, are you?" "Miller, I see you have a way with women." "They like you." "That's what we need, a salesman with housekeeper appeal." "Report to work tomorrow morning to Mr. Elmore." "Oh, thank you." "It's quite all right." "Thank you too." "Good luck, Benny." "You've brought sunshine into one of my darkest days." "Good." "Ohh!" "Madam..." "No!" "One, two, three, four." ""Rule four." ""When the door is open, put your foot in it." ""This will prevent an abrupt end... to your introductory remarks. "" "Foot in it." "Okay." "I come here to sell you something you don't want." "No!" "Whoo!" "Hey, lady." "Give me back my..." "Watch this Hercules machine pick up the little pieces of paper." "It really does it in a jiffy too." "There you are." "How's that?" "Would you mind holding this?" "That's it." "With this bag of soot..." "Please, don't put that soot on my light carpet!" "Have no fear." "Hercules will pick it up." "Hercules!" "There you are." "Thank you." "Watch this job." "Really picks it up, doesn't it?" "Now, how's that?" "But you've left a stain on my carpet." "So I have." "For that, I must use a brush head... made of fine, long-wearing pig's hair." "Before I show you that..." "would you hold this please?" "I want to show you the reverse flow of this machine." "If you do like this and turn it around, it will de-flea, delouse, fumigate your house from your basement to your attic." "First, turn this knob." "Now, just a minute." "Would you please hold this?" "Thank you." "Now you turn on the juice." "Young man, I've had quite enough demonstration." "Oh, mercy no!" "My love seat!" "Shut it off, shut it off!" "Who put the black stuff in here?" "Give me that!" "Give me that!" "Been with us one day and he's cost us $2,000." "Goodring, do you know anything about this?" "W-W-What was that name?" "Hello!" "Well, put him on." "It's Miller." "Hello, Benny, I have a letter from a Mrs. Hendrickson." "It was awful." "I tried to show her how to fumigate her house... and the big bag with the dust and the soot, it blew all over her white curtains and her love seat." "Ohh!" "It's ruined." "You shoulda seen it." "And another thing." "I've been robbed." "What do you mean you were robbed?" "You mean to tell me you let someone walk off... with a brand-new demonstrating machine?" "Please, Mr. Morrison..." "Never mind, you're fired." "I said, fired!" "I'd like to know how he ever got in here." "And don't think I won't find out." "Goodring, you know everybody in the office." "Yes." "Find out who sent that apple-knucker into me." "And I'll fire him too!" "Yes, sir." "Hello." "Yes, he's here." "It's for you, Goodring." "Oh, thank you, sir." "Thank you." "Excuse me, please." "Goodring speaking." "This is Benny, Uncle Clarence." "Don't call me that, you..." "Oh, just a minute, Jenny." "This ain'tJenny." "It's me, Benny." "Eh, Jenny, I'm in Mr. Morrison's office, dear." "I can't talk to you now, Jenny." "Yes, you meet me in MacArthur Park at noontime." "Good-bye, dear." "What's wrong with my uncle?" "You're a menace to both of us." "I feel like a tin can with a dog's tail tied to it." "Don't get discouraged." "The competition here is pretty tough." "I think you'd be better off starting in a smaller town." "What small town?" "Well, there's lots of them." "Have you ever been to Stockton?" "Stockton, California?" "Yes." "The branch manager of Hercules there, Tom Chandler, is a good friend of mine." "I'm sure if I asked him he'd put you on." "He would?" "Oh boy!" "When do I start?" "Take the night train, you'd be there in the morning." "Oh, you're wonderful, Uncle Clarence." "Oh, please don't call me that again." "That's a promise, Uncle Clarence." "Psst." "Psst!" "What's your berth?" "March 6th, 19..." "Where do you sleep?" "In bed." "On the train?" "I don't know." "Have you got a ticket?" "Yes, sir." "Upper six." "Upper six?" "Where's that?" "Upper six." "Where's that?" "Up there?" "Ouch, ouch.!" "Hey.!" "What are you..." "What are you trying to do?" "Shh." "Be quiet." "Everything's all right." "I'm gonna get him up here." "I'm sorry." "All right, madam." "Go back to sleep." "Everything's all right." "Go back to sleep." "Don't make any noise." "Shh." "That's much easier." "Tsk-tsk-tsk." "Ohh!" "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "Stockton in 20 minutes." "Ah, good morning, Mr. Miller." "Stockton in 20..." "I trust you've had a pleasant sleep." "Mr. Miller?" "Oh, Mr. Miller?" "Oh!" "Mr. Chandler will see you now." "Thank you." "Excuse me?" "Come in." "Come in." "Mr. Chandler..." "Morrison, Morrison!" "What's the trouble?" "Mr. Morrison, he's in the other office." "Who?" "Mr. Morrison." "Ah..." " Wait a minute." " Calm yourself." "Everybody makes the same mistake." "Mr. Morrison is Mr. Chandler's cousin." "Cousins?" "His mother and my mother were sisters." "Sisters?" "They both had the same mother, my grandmother." "Everybody in our family looks like grandma." "Ah, sit down, sit down." "Thank you." "This is strictly between you and me, man to man." "What do you think of my cousin?" "Well..." "I mean, I-I-I..." "You don't have to tell me." "I'll tell you." "He's a dirty, slave-driving, double-crossing skunk." "You mean..." "E.L. Morrison?" "Yes!" "He's a crook." "I'll say he is, and I'll never do business with him again." "I'll bet he took the shirt right off your back." "And my pants too!" "Sure, he would." "You know what he did to me?" "No." "He dreamed up that "no relative" rule just to get me out of town." "Boy, is he repulsive." "I'll say." "Why, he put a quota on this branch that nobody can fill." "Twenty-eight vacuum cleaners a week and only seven salesmen." "Tsk-tsk." "Mr. Chandler, 28 vacuums a week." "That's a lot to sell." "And you only have seven salesmen?" "That means they gotta sell 13 vacuums apiece." "You're right." "You... 13 vacuum cleaners apiece?" "Yes, sir." "What are you talking about?" "Seven times 13 is not 28." "Yes, it is." "Seven times four is 28." "Mr. Chandler, seven times 13 is 28." "Seven times four is 28!" "Did you go to school, stupid?" "Yes, sir." "And I come out the same way." "Come here a minute." "You claim that seven goes into 2813 times?" "That's right." "Prove it!" "Go ahead, prove it, prove it!" "Go ahead, go ahead." "All right." "There's the board." "Well, go ahead." "I'm gonna prove it." "You've got seven salesmen." "There's the seven." "Where is it?" "There." "Now you've got 28 vacuums a week to sell." "I'm gonna divide." "You claim that seven goes into 2813 times?" "That's right." "Seven into two." "Seven won't go into two." "Certainly not." "So I gotta take the two from there and put it here." "Put it down there." "I'm gonna use it after a while." "That's a cute little two." "Seven into eight, once." "I'm gonna carry the seven and put it under the eight." "Seven from eight, one." "A minute ago I didn't use that little two." "What are you gonna do?" "I gotta use that two now." "I'm gonna take it from there and put it there." "Now, seven into 21..." "Three times." "Seven into 28, 13." "Oh, no, no, no." "Nothing of the kind." "What kind of figures are these?" "It's gotta come out right." "We'll multiply this." "Go ahead." "Multiply it?" "Put down 13." "That's right." "And seven salesmen." "Put that down." "Seven salesmen." "You claim that seven times 13 amounts to what?" "Twenty-eight." "Seven times three?" "Seven times one?" "21." "Seven." "Seven and one?" "And a two is 28." "Eight." "Now wait a minute!" "How do you figure, boy?" "I figure good." "No, you can't do that." "That's right." "Nothing of the kind." "We'll add this up." "Put down 13 seven times." "Okay." "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven." "You claim that all that added up amounts to what?" "Twenty-eight." "If it does, you've got a job." "Thank you." "Three, six..." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "Three, six, nine, 12, 15, 18, 21." "Twenty-two, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28." "You're hired." "Oh, it's you, Martha!" "It's from him.!" "It's from Benny.!" "From Benny?" "Oh my goodness, I'm excited." "Oh!" "Oh, I haven't my specs." "Here, you read it, dear." ""Dear Mama, I'm fine and hope you are the same." ""I am now working in our branch in Stockton." ""Uncle Clarence knows the manager here and wanted to do him a favor..." ""by sending him a good salesman like me." "Wasn't that nice of Clarence?" ""So far I haven't sold any vacuum cleaners." ""You better send me my correspondence school records so I can study." ""Maybe I missed something." "He missed a lot of sleep, that's what he missed." ""Tomorrow night there's big doings." "The president is going to give us a long talk by shortwave. "" "Following our usual custom, I shall award a special cash prize... to the salesman who has demonstrated the most outstanding example... of service and salesmanship during the year ending tomorrow night." "I wish you all success and happiness... and again I remind you of our slogan: "It's in the bag. "" "I'm sure it was an inspiration to all of us to have heard Mr. Van Loan's message." "To our branch offices I ask you to extend your efforts to the utmost." "Ask yourself, did I do my very best during the past year?" "Did I use my best judgment?" "Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself." "Even we in the home office sometimes are fooled." "I will illustrate a point." "A few weeks ago, a young man got into my office seeking a job." "He had an honest face, even simple, so we gave him thejob he asked for." "Ladies and gentlemen, not only did he fail to make a single sale, he involved us in a lawsuit, and he lost his demonstrating machine." "So, to all managers, I say beware of simple-looking little men... with smiles on their faces and sawdust in their brains." "Look around you." "If you have anyone like that on your payroll, discharge him." "Don't burden yourselves with dead weight." "And in closing, may I repeat that I expect every branch to meet its quota... or suffer the consequences!" "Good night and good luck to you all." "Well, boys, how do you like being spanked on the pink network?" "I'd like to show up that egg, Morrison." "I realize that we're 12 cleaners behind in our quota with only one day to sell them." "Tell you what I'll do." "I'll double your commission on every cleaner you sell." "Okay, okay, that's all." "Let's go home." "Good night." "Thank you, Mr. Chandler." "We'll make our quota." "I think we will." "Good luck." "Miss Burke." "Please." "Yes, sir?" "This guy Miller." "Benny?" "Oh, he's nice." "How many cleaners has he sold in the past two weeks?" "I don't know exactly." "I'd have to look it up on the books." "I know." "He hasn't sold any." "He hasn't even sold an attachment." "Make out his notice and give it to him tonight." "He's fired." "I'll tell you why he offered double commissions." "He's afraid of his job." "O'Brien, that dry wit of yours kills me." "Ah, come on." "Let's go down toJoe's and get a couple of drinks." "Great, let's go." "It's a good idea." "You comin' along?" "He doesn't drink, you dummy." "Well, good night." "Good night." "Benny?" "Where'd the bunch go?" "They went down toJoe's for a drink." "Why didn't you go along?" "O'Brien says I don't drink." "Do you?" "No." "Look, Benny, if you haven't anything important on, would you mind walking home with me?" "I don't mind, I guess." "Thanks." "What's the trouble, Benny?" "You're lower than a caterpillar with fallen arches." "I'll be all right." "You want me to mail the letter for you?" "Oh, there's no hurry." "You know, I've never seen you like this before." "Has somebody hurt your feelings?" "No." "I'll be all right." "You remember the speech Mr. Morrison made when he asked everybody... to ask themselves if they were doing their best?" "Yes." "I asked myself." "Do you know the answer I got?" "Yes!" "I was doing my best." "I learned that manual word for word." "Still, I can't sell any vacuums." "Well, maybe you're trying too hard." "Maybe." "I'm the worst salesman in Stockton." "Perhaps if you just relaxed a little and then went to some other town." "Some other town?" "Yes!" "If a fellow can't "unlax" in Stockton, where else can he "unlax"?" "Oh, well, here's Joe's." "Here's Joe's." "Do you want to go in?" "Yeah." "Come on." "Say, Mac?" "Yeah?" "Bring us another drink, will ya." "Coming up." "Hiya, cute and cuddly." "Hiya, wolves." "I brought Benny along." "I come to unlax." "Well, it's about time." "Come on." "Sit down." "Thanks." "What are you drinking?" "A little scotch and water." "Come on, join us." "With you fellows?" "Sure, pull your chair up." "Thank you." "Baby, I got a hunch Gus is about to buy you a drink." "Swell." "You ready?" "It's your turn." "One." "Joe!" "I'm stuck again!" "Hello, Miss Burke." "Hello, Joe, shake hands with Benny, one of the boys from the office." "Sure." "Me too." "What'll it be?" "I guess I'll take a short milk punch." "What's that?" "Milk with a little whiskey in it." "I'll have a milk punch..." "without the punch." "What kind of game was you playing with the matches?" "That's an old Egyptian pastime called the "ibray. "" "Yeah, it's, ah... sort of a mind-reading game." "You try to guess what's in the other guy's mind." "That's almost impossible." "For most guys, but once in a while you find a fellow that's... clairvoyant." "I got a hunch Benny could do it." "I don't think so." "Benny don't look very psychic to me." "You wanna bet?" "I may be wrong." "Pack of cigarettes says Benny is the type." "Sure, quiet fellow like him born and bred in the country, all that fresh air and milk." "You got any cows on your farm?" "Yes, I got a cow." "I gotta milk her twice a day." "Why?" "If I don't milk her, she moos." "What do you mean moo?" "Moooo!" "That's what I mean." "When Benny hears the cow making that noise..." "How does that go again?" "Moooo!" "You see?" "Benny reads the cow's mind and knows it's time to milk him." "Right?" "Right." "I remain definitely unconvinced." "Okay, we'll prove it." "How?" "Put him in a trance?" "Oh, no." "We'll send Benny out of the room." "Then we'll pick some object on the table that's in plain sight." "When Benny comes back, we'll concentrate on the object and he'll guess." "I don't think I can do that." "Why, Benny, I'm betting you can." "You don't mind trying?" "I'll..." "I'll try it." "But I don't think I can do it." "That's very hard." "Okay, where do I go?" "Right out there in the back room." "Oh yeah." "I'll give it a chance." "I'm just a little girl from a hick town, but what's so funny about it?" "The gag is, we don't pick out any object." "Nothing at all." "Whatever he points to... no matter what... we tell him that's it." "I should stretch my girdle laughing at that!" "Wait 'til you see the expression on his face." "Believe me, it never misses." "Send him in, Joe." "Right." "Okay, Benny." "Everybody's gotta concentrate or it isn't fair to Benny." "It's this." "That's right!" "Holy smoke." "Well, I'm a son-of-a-gun." "Benny, how did you know it was Ruby's glass?" "W-W-Well, when Larry said for everybody to concentrate," "I thought he was trying to throw me off the track and get me mixed up." " Did you, Larry?" " That's right, I was." "To settle the argument, do it again, will ya?" "Oh sure." "This time he should be blindfolded and cotton stuffed in his ears." "Sure, Benny doesn't mind." "Do ya, kid?" "Oh, no." "Putting cotton in my ears and blindfolding me, that's got nothin' to do with it." "How do you do it?" "Well..." "I leave my mind go in a blank." "It's awfully hard to explain." "Don't tell 'em." "It's a rare gift you should treasure in secret." "Come on, mastermind." "Again?" "Let's have a towel and some cotton, Joe." "Right." "Here you are." "How long does this go on?" "When does he find out it's a rib?" "Who tells him?" "You can tell him if you wanna." "You brought him here." "How do they generally take it when you tell them?" "You'll find out." "Here we come." "Look out for the table, Benny." "Look out for that chair." "Here we go." "Here we are." "Right there." "We're all concentrating, Benny." "All right." "Is this it?" "Yes!" "No!" "He did it again!" "I don't know how he does it." "Give me the letter." "Sure." "Are you satisfied?" "Just try it once more." "Okay." "Have a heart." "Benny's tired." "No, I'm not." "I am and if you don't mind, I'd like to go home." "Okay." "I don't know how to thank you for showing me this wonderful power I have." "If there's anything I can do for you, let me know." "Thanks a lot." "If you could read my mind like I can read yours, you'd know I mean every word." "Come on, Benny." "Okay." "Good night, fellas." "Good night, Benny." "See you tomorrow." "Come on, Ruby." "We sure sold him." "With all the attachments." "Benny." "Yeah?" "Can I ask you something?" "Sure." "Would you feel terrible if you found out you weren't really psychic?" "How do you mean?" "After all, it isn't very important, is it?" "What good is it to you?" "That's the key, the key to success." "How can I miss when I know what the other guy is thinking as soon as he's thinking?" "How do you know you can always do it?" "Look, how did I know you wanted me to walk you home tonight?" "Because I asked you to." "Oh... that's right." "I forgot." "This ain't brand-new." "I've been doing this a long time." "You have?" "Oh yes." "Like the time I walked into the room and saw my mama reading a letter and crying." "I knew something was wrong." "I said, "Aunt Beulah's dead. "" "Was she?" "She sure was." "I used to think I was a good guesser, but now I know." "Benny, get your feet back on the ground, will you please?" "These mind-reading stunts, they're all tricks, they're fakes." "No, it's not." "It runs in the family." "Take Mama, for instance." "Months and months before I was born," "Mama told Papa she was going to have a baby, and she did." "Honest!" "Here it is." "Benny, there's something I have to tell you and I don't know how." "It's the reason I asked you to walk home with me." "Yeah." "It happened so suddenly, there was really nothing I could do." "You don't have to tell me." "Oh, but I do." "I've already read your mind." "Ruby, there's something I wanna tell you." "I want you to know that I like you an awful lot." "But I'm already engaged to marry someone else." "Gee, I wish I'd have told you a long time ago... before you got so infatuated with me." "That's life." "I'm sorry." "You poor kid." "Jim?" "Jim?" "For heaven's sake please don't forget to stop at the vacuum repairman's." "Cleaning the house with a broom really gets me down." "All right." "Good-bye, dear." "Good morning!" "Say, it looks like I've come to the right place at the right time." "You gonna repair my wife's vacuum cleaner?" "I'm gonna sell your wife a brand-new one." "Get a load of that machine." "Trouble-free, long-wearing Hercules." "Did you ever see anything neater or sweeter?" "How much?" "About what it would cost you to buy your wife a birthday present." "This is something she'd really like." "You don't know my wife." "Show her what you've got." "If she likes it, it's hers." "Here's my business address." "Okay!" "Yes, sir." "Yes, sir." "Yes?" "Excuse me, madam." "How would you like a nice vacuum cleaner?" "You must be a mind reader." "I certainly am and I know what you're thinking." "Oh, you do?" "You're wondering if this is a trick." "And is it?" "No." "This is a birthday present from your husband." "Oh!" "What a marvelous surprise." "Bless his heart." "I know what else you're thinking." "Oh, do you?" "You're thinking how jealous the other women will be." "That's right." "When the girls in our sewing club see this, they'll all have to have one." "Sewing club." "You know..." "Will you bring it in, please?" "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, ma'am." "I was wondering if I know some of the girls." "Oh, possibly." "There's Mary Davis and Grace Hartman." "Be nice to me, cookie." "I drew a blank today." "This won't keep you awake long." "There you are." "I spent two hours cleaning a dame's home." "What do you think I got?" "A ginger snap?" "Two?" "Yeah, my mother-in-law finally broke down." "Gee-willikers!" "Did I have a day today." "And all on account of you, Ruby." "Me?" "Didn't you take me to that saloon?" "If I hadn't have went in, you couldn't have showed me I was a mind reader." "That's all I needed, believe me!" "What's he talking about?" "Does he think he's psychic?" "Didn't you tell him it was a rib?" "I tried." "He's a hard man to tell." "What's hard about saying "The boys were kidding, kid"?" "What did you talk about on the way home?" "Listen..." "Come on, come on." "Spill it." "Have three." "Have four." "Have five." "The poor guy must've blown his topper." "Have six!" "Could we be legally responsible?" "Seven?" "Somebody better stop him before Chandler comes out." "Eight!" "What's going on here?" "Nine." "I sold nine cleaners." "Count 'em!" "The whole row!" "If this is a joke..." "This is no joke, Mr. Chandler." "Come on." "Look at my order book." "Mr. Chandler, get a load of these orders." "Mrs. Reeves, Mrs. Lowell, Mrs. Brady, Mrs. Pedereechie." "I sold 'em to all the ladies in the same sewing circle." "Congratulations." "Benny, we're proud of you!" "Didn't you fire him last night?" "I didn't give him the letter, but I'll give it now." "Never mind." "Benny, my boy." "You don't know it, but you've broken the all-time sales record for one day." "I wouldn't be a bit surprised." "Al Williams held the old record." "He sold eight machines, but you sold nine!" "How did you do it?" "By reading people's minds." "What?" "I'm psychic." "You mean, you read people's minds?" "Yes!" "What am I thinking?" "You're thinking I can't do it." "I..." "Well, that was an easy one." "Let's try it again." "Now what am I thinking?" "You're thinking of calling up E.L. Morrison and telling him you made your quota." "Benny, you're marvelous!" "Boy, will I rub it in." "Come in the office with me." "Okay." "You oughta take up that mind-reading stuff too!" "It'll do you good." "What?" "You made your quota?" "Stockton made their quota." "Yes." "How many?" "Nine?" "One salesman sold nine cleaners." "Bless my soul." "Let me talk to him." "Well, hello, Mr. Van Loan!" "The president in person." "Yes, that's right." "A brand-new record." "And believe it or not, he does it by mind reading." "Mind reading?" "I see." "He's psychic." "Oh, that's ridiculous." "Mr. Chandler, I don't care how he does it." "Any man that can sell nine cleaners in one day belongs in the home office." "Put him on the train tomorrow and the company will pay all expenses." "The president wants you in Los Angeles." "Sure." "Ah, it's okay, Benny." "You can keep your feet on my desk." "Yes, sir." "I'll tell him that he's won the annual prize." "Good night, sir." "Benny!" "Wonder boy." "What do you mean, you're a little disappointed?" "I'm the best salesman Hercules ever had, ain't I?" "You broke a record, yes." "Mr. Van Loan sent for me personally, didn't he?" "Well, yes." "The least he could have done was meet me in his big private limousine." "What?" "With no brass band?" "What?" "Benny, don't be shocked, but Mr. Van Loan doesn't even know your name." "Are you kiddin'?" "No." "And when Mr. Morrison discovers who you are, he'll get rid of you fast if we don't find a way to stop him." "I feel like bawling him out again." "Again?" "Yes." "I felt like it yesterday too." "Let's be serious, Benny." "What are you going to do when Van Loan discovers you're not a mind reader?" "But I am." "That's the secret of my success." "I penetrate people's brains and leave my mind blank." "It might be a good idea to make Morrison's mind blank... and tell him a few things that nobody knows, like, for instance, juggling the price of Hercules stock... and the two sets of books I have to keep on account of his G.M.E. account." "What's the G.M.E. account?" "General manager's emergency account." "Morrison's the only one who can check out on it." "First he had me deduct 1% of the receipts in that account." "Then he upped it to 3%." "Now I deposit 4% of the receipts each month... and every time he ups it, he gives me a raise." "I'll see that he ups it again." "You'll do nothing of the sort!" "If Morrison's pulling anything crooked, which I think he is, the law might consider me an accomplice." "I tell you, I'm terribly worried." "Don't worry, Uncle Clarence." "Now I'm here at the home office, I'm carrying a lot of weight around." "I'll fix it." "That's what I'm worried about!" "Okay." "So it occurred to me that Hercules might get some inexpensive advertising... out of the public's curiosity concerning mind readers, especially our mind reader." "Oh, what a lovely idea." "Yes?" "Mr. Miller from the Stockton office is here." "Show him in, please." "Miller, Miller." "Let's not forget that name again." "Mr. Miller, this is a great pleasure, I'm sure.!" "Welcome to the home office." "I imagine you know who I am?" "You're P.S. Van Loan, president of Hercules Vacuum Company." "That's E.L. Morrison, general manager of the Hercules Vacuum Company." "And the girl, now don't tell me." "That's Hazel..." "Temple." "Young man, that's clever, no matter how you did it." "No matter how you did it is right, Mr. Miller." "Congratulations." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "Just a minute." "I'll get you a chair." "Here, the couch." "Don't you say a word about the trouble you caused." "Mr. Van Loan won't like it." "I'll explain to you later." "Ah, sit down." "Oh, does it hurt?" "All it can." "That's a shame." "The company will formally express its appreciation of your efforts tonight at my office." "We also have several surprises in store for you." "No more like this one." "Very humorous, very funny." "That's not funny." "I'm not trying to be funny." "The first time I saw you..." "Uh, hold everything." "I want to apologize." "Just let's forget the whole thing." "Now, if you could really read minds, you'd know exactly how I feel." "What do you mean, if I could really read minds?" "I can!" "All you gotta do is concentrate." "Let's have fun." "I'll concentrate and you read my mind." "And then read mine." "You can deal me out, folks." "See?" "He's afraid." "There's things going around in your mind that nobody else knows about." "Such as the time me taking off my clothes in your office." "Getting fired." "And the G.M.E. thing." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "What is the G.M.E. thing?" "Oh, the G.M.E. My uncle, he told me..." "No, no!" "My uncle didn't tell me nothing." "My uncle and I, we sort of get together a-a-a..." "And sometimes, sometimes..." "Sometimes I get so mad, I make a mistake." "Do you know what he's talking about?" "I think I do." "Benny tuned in on the wrong wavelength." "G.M.E. are the initials of my favorite uncle, Gregory M. Elliott." "That's what I was concentrating on." "Could that be the explanation?" "Mr. Miller?" "Huh?" "Ohh!" "Yes, yes!" "Sometimes I get my wires mixed." "You don't have to apologize." "We won't take up more of your time, Mr. Van Loan." "I'll take good care of him." "Say, good-bye, Benny." "Good-bye, Mr. Van Loan." "I'll be in my office in case you need me." "It's simply for your own protection, Benny." "We're your friends." "Miss Temple will explain anything that confuses you." "I am not confused!" "She'll be back in a minute." "I'll be right back." "Miss King, entertain Mr. Miller." "What does he mean, entertain me?" "Oh, play games with you, maybe." "Play games?" "I love games." "Do you like games?" "Oh, I love 'em." "Can you go like this?" "Like this?" "That's very important in this game." "I got a gadget here." "I like it so well, I bought a lot of'em." "I'm gonna sell 'em as a sideline." "This is very cute." "Wait'll you see this." "You're gonna love it." "You try it." "Ain't that cute?" "All different colors too!" "Swallowed one." "Who told him about that G.M.E. account?" "And what else does he know about my business?" "Is he a company spy?" "A blackmailer?" "Or can he really read minds?" "That's your job this afternoon, pumping Benny dry." "So now I'm in it?" "You're in nothing at all." "You are just interested in Benny." "Okay." "But I don't like it." "Oh boy.!" "What a big bunch ofbubbles.!" "All right, Benny, put your toys away and say good-bye to Miss King." "Good-bye." "You may have this." "Oh, thank you!" "It's just what I wanted." "I knew it." "How 'bout driving to the beach for lunch?" "Would you like that?" "Have you got a good place to eat?" "Just leave it to me." "Miss Temple is still out." "I'm Martha Hill." "Oh, I'm glad to see you." "I'm Mr. Goodring." "How do you do?" "Come in, darling." "Come right in." "Sit down, my dear." "I'm sorry Benny's mother couldn't of come with you to help us celebrate." "It isn't much fun trying to celebrate when you have a cold as bad as she has." "No, I suppose not." "How is Benny?" "Oh, he's just fine, fine." "You didn't tell him I was coming." "Well, uh, no." "As a matter of fact, I haven't seen him since I telephoned you." "Oh?" "You see, well, he went out just before lunch... with one of the girls in the office." "Oh." "They have..." "Well, that's part of Hazel's job, entertaining the visiting firemen." "Oh." "I can't imagine what's keeping Benny." "At last!" "My little gray home in the west." "For a while today, I was afraid it was going to be paradise lost." "Put your things there, Benny." "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!" "Did we have fun at that place." "Mm-hmm." "What was the name?" "The Venice Amusement Pier." "That was a wonderful place." "Boy, did you spend a lot of money on us!" "Especially on all the rides, those terrific rides on the shoot-the-shoots!" "Down and up!" "And take my breath away!" "And on the big, high Ferris wheel, did we have fun when we was stuck up on top." "And then the tunnel of love." "You must like them things." "Oh yes!" "I'm crazy about them." "Benny, do you mind if I get into something more comfortable?" "Will you excuse me?" "Make yourself at home." "D-Do you mind if I have a piece of candy while I'm waiting for you?" "Aren't you afraid you'll wear your teeth down to the bone?" "What?" "Three packages of CrackerJack, two sacks of peanuts, one of those sweet, gooey red apples on a stick... and three chocolate malted milk shakes." "You forgot the banana split with all the fruit on it." "Hubba, hubba." "Relax, darling." "I gotta go home and get dressed for the meeting tonight." "There's plenty of time." "Why don't you sit closer to me?" "I'm comfortable here." "What's the matter?" "Don't you trust me?" "As long as you say so." "You know, there's something you gotta know." "Really?" "Mm-hmm." "What is it?" "Lips that touch liquor will never touch mine." "Benny, I've been trying all afternoon to get you to talk about yourself." "The real you." "You're a frightfully interesting character." "Oh yeah." "I imagine most women find you... fascinating." "Mm-hmm." "Angel, you're sweet." "Hazel's dying to know all about you, what you did in Stockton... and how you found out all those secrets you mentioned to Mr. Van Loan." "Won't you tell me..." "in your own sweet way?" "Mm-hmm." "You see, I said to Mr. Van Loan, like this," "I said, "Mr. Van Loan, you're... "" "You're wearing that moonlight and roses perfumery again." "Especially for you, Benny." "Am I very silly?" "I gotta get outta here before you lose control of yourself." "Hand me a smoke, will you?" "Yes, but then I gotta leave right after this." "Oh, have a cigar." "Benny, that reminds me." "Tonight at the meeting, well, there's sort of a tradition." "Mr. Van Loan will hand you a box of specially made cigars." "You're supposed to take one, then pass the box around." "Oh, no, I don't smoke." "I don't smoke anything." "I never even smoked corn silk." "Don't you think you better practice on one now?" "Why?" "After all, you're the guest of honor!" "Oh, the guest of honor." "And you don't want to appear foolish and amateurish." "No?" "No!" "Look, I'll show you how." "First you snip off the end." "Then you put it in your mouth." "Now, we'll light it." "My Uncle Clarence will be proud of me." "Mmm, he will." "Now start puffing." "That's right." "You're doing fine." "All but the choking." "You shouldn't choke." "How do I not choke?" "Clamp your teeth tight, and don't puff so fast." "Puff slow?" "That's right." "I'll puff slow." "Fast and slow, then fast." "It's marvelous the way you pick things up." "No wonder you're a success." "I love a man with courage." "Keep puffing." "Brother, have you got it." "Keep puffing." "It shows in your eyes." "You have that mystic, far-away look." "Keep puffing!" "Here, come on, sonny boy." "Straight ahead." "Hello?" "What did you find out?" "Absolutely nothing." "That's just dandy." "Look, keep him right there with you." "Would it be too inquisitive to ask how I do that?" "Don't let him go to that meeting tonight." "I hope you know what you're doing." "All right." "Good-bye." "Get me long distance, please." "Benny?" "If you'll open the door, I'll give you something to quiet your nerves." "Come on, Benny boy." "Oh, Benny!" "Oh, for heaven's sake!" "Come on, Benny." "Come on, Benny." "We'll get you all fixed up." "Come on." "Get out of the tub." "Okay." "I don't feel too good." "Come on, Benny." "Ohh!" "Give me your coat." "My coat?" "I'm so sick." "You'll feel better later on." "I hope I do." "Ohh!" "Now, give me your tie." "I'm so weak." "No more cigars for me." "Benny!" "Take off your shirt." "Hey!" "I ain't that weak." "I'll get it off myself." "When you get it off, put this on." "Yes, ma'am." "I'll call a tailor." "Is the tailor comin'?" "He'll come and get all your clothes dry and ironed." "Tell him not to bring any cigars." "And I don't want no chocolates either." "Here, Benny." "Okay, Benny." "Come alive!" "Oh, Benny." "I'm so sick." "You poor little thing." "Come over to the bed." "I want my mama." "We'll get her for you, Benny." "Here's a glass of water." "And here's something that'll quiet you down, but good." "Just a minute, please!" "Here you are, Casanova." "You're supposed to swallow it like candy." "All right." "Look, sweetheart, the pill." "I'll take the pill." "Will you bring these back as soon as you can, please?" "Yes, ma'am." "I hope nothing serious has happened to Benny." "Maybe I better telephone Miss Temple's apartment." "Let me see." "Here it is." "Starlight Arms Apartments, Wilshire Boulevard." "Whitney 7039." "Ah, yes, sir?" "Goodring, come into my office at once." "Very well, sir." "Mr. Van Loan wants to see me right away." "I wonder what he wants." "Oh dear." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Hello!" "Hazel?" "Hazel!" "Hazel, Hazel?" "Before I go completely insane, tell me what is this all about?" "Hazel, before I toss this boyfriend of yours down the elevator shaft, wake up!" "This is a fine time for company." "What do you want?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm looking for Benny Miller." "You've come to the right place." "I'll give you what's left of him after I get through with him." "Oh, nothing's happened?" "He's all right, isn't he?" "Who are you?" "I'm Martha Hill." "Benny and I are to be married." "Married?" "That's a laugh." "Come here." "Take a look at your loving bridegroom." "Take a good look!" "Benny!" "Who is she?" "That's my wife." "Wake him up so I can kill him when I come back." "Benny?" "Benny, Benny!" "Wake up, wake up!" "Oh..." "Hello, Martha." "How are you?" "M-M-M-M-Martha!" "Martha, I can explain everything." "I'm not interested." "Put on your clothes and get out and I don't care what happens to you... as long as you live!" "Martha?" "Martha!" "Oh, what did I do wrong now?" "Thank you, Mr. Morrison." "You're welcome." "Mr. Morrison, isn't it terrible?" "Fine guy that Benny." "Calls on my wife and sends his clothes out to be pressed." "Wait'll I get my hands on..." "Mr. Morrison." "I'm just as mad as you are." "But Benny's not like that." "If you'll just let me take care of him." "No, I'm bigger and stronger and far more brutal." "I didn't mean that." "Benny's a lamb, only he belongs down on the farm." "I've got my car." "I'll take him back to Cucamonga tonight." "Cucamonga?" "Now?" "Mm-hmm." "Okay, take him away." "I never want to see him again." "Hey, where's..." "Well, how do you like that?" "Trying to steal my pants again." "That's..." "Ohh!" "Hello!" "Oh, yes, P.S." "I'll be right over." "Mr. Van Loan, boys and girls of the home office, this reminds me of the wedding to which everybody came except the bride." "Could it be that the great mind reader is absent-minded?" "No, I don't think so." "The truth of the matter is, he's afraid to show up." "I can prove to you that he definitely is not a mind reader and never was." "Uh, would you kindly come to the platform, Miss Burke?" "Oh." "Would you mind?" "Folks, allow me to introduce Miss Ruby Burke, Mr. Chandler's secretary." "President Van Loan, ladies and gentlemen, at the request of Mr. Morrison I flew down from Stockton." "I don't care what you promised Mr. Morrison, he don't scare me." "How can you be so stubborn?" "I ain't stubborn!" "And I ain't gonna leave until I get the cash prize for being the best salesman." "Look, there's Ruby." "And who is Ruby?" "She was the best friend I had in Stockton." "Ain't she cute?" "You do all right, don't you?" "Hazel, Ruby." "You don't need to join the navy." "You don't understand." "Ruby was only trying to help me." "That's what I mean." "You always find some girl to help you." "First me, then Ruby, then Hazel!" "You can have them." "See if I care." "And get Ruby or Hazel or some other silly girl to help you out of the mess you're in." "I wouldn't raise a finger to help you." "And I wouldn't marry you for anything in the world!" "Martha, we're engaged!" "And then the boys started ribbing Benny." "You know, the old mind-reading gag?" "No matter what article he pointed to, they'd say that was it." "It was pitiful the way Benny fell for it." "The boys could hardly keep their faces straight." "When Larry brought him in blindfolded with a bar towel... and big pieces of cotton sticking out ofboth ears." "Well, on the way home, I tried to tell him that he wasn't really psychic..." "Didn't he believe you?" "No." "Not only that, but... he thought I was proposing to him." "Aw, come on, just a little bit." "Aw, sweetheart, please?" "Come on, darling." "Sweetheart, won't you do that?" "Just move a little." "Hello, Mr. Perkins." "Hello, Benny." "Will you give me a hand?" "Sure." "I thought you were in Los Angeles." "I was, but I come back home." "Something go wrong?" "Everything." "I lost my girl, I lost my job," "I lost a lot of money, I lost a vacuum..." "I lost everything." "Oh no." "You still got a home and your mother." "You betcha I still have a mother!" "Look, Mr. Perkins, my mother loves birds." "I brought her home a canary." "Will you give me a lift to the house?" "I will." "If you help me get Astabula home, I'll ride you to the house." "What do you want me to do?" "Take him by the head and I'll get in the back." "Okay, come on, Astabula." "All right." "Astabula, come on." "Pull, Benny." "Come on, Astabula.!" "Come on, Astabula." "I wanna go home and see my mother!" "Astabula." "Come on, Astabula." "Mr. Perkins, you pull him and I'll get up and drive him." "You get up here and I'll get down near the head." "Okay." "Wait 'til I get set." "Go ahead, push him." "Hey, hey, no!" "Not this end." "Mr. Perkins!" "That's all right." "I got him by the head." "This is the end that worries me, not the head." "Come on now." "Mr. Perkins!" "Mr. Perkins, will you stop teasing him!" "I'm trying to get him to move here." "He's moving this other end." "Mr. Perkins, don't try to pull him." "Come on this end and push, push like that." "I'll push him from the rear." "Come on, Astabula." "Hey, Astabula!" "Astabula!" "I better get up..." "Listen, Mr. Perkins!" "No more of that." "Come on, Astabula." "Astabula!" "Oh!" "Mr. Perkins, make him stop!" "Mr. Perkins, never mind." "Mr. Perkins, I'm gonna walk." "Mr. Perkins, I'm gonna walk!" "My bird." "My bird!" "Oh, he's here!" "Benny, Benny!" "Oh, Benny, I thought you'd never come back." "You mean, you're not mad at me, Martha?" "No." "It was the longest, most horrible night I ever spent." "Me too." "I had a terrible time hitchhiking up here." "Sometimes I'd get a ride and sometimes I didn't." "Mostly I didn't." "I'll bet Mom's awfully disappointed at me." "Me coming home without the $10,000 I promised her." "No." "She never once thought you'd make that much." "She didn't?" "Benny.!" "Oh!" "Mom!" "I'm glad you're back, son." "I'm glad too, Mom." "Ruby!" "Mr. Chandler, Uncle Clarence, P.S." "Gee whiz, gosh almighty, what did I do wrong now?" "Hello, Benny?" "How's our star salesman?" "It's about time you got home, young man." "He thought he'd done something wrong." "Now relax, Benny." "Mr. Van Loan drove us here in his car." "He's been telling us how you sold nine cleaners in one day." "It was a mistake." "No!" "When you believed you could read minds, it gave you confidence." "I'm so convinced you can do it again," "I'm appointing you sales manager of our Cucamonga branch." "Me?" "Sales manager?" "What'll Mr. Morrison say?" "Mr. Morrison isn't with us any longer." "Mr. Chandler is our new general manager." "You?" "Good." "Yes." "And here, here's a check... for that double commission I promised you." "Thank you." "And this is a special cash prize... you neglected to pick up last night." "Thank you." "I'm still a salesman and now a manager." "I..." "Benny?" "All right, Benny." "Benny!" "Oh my goodness." "M-M-Martha!" "Benny!" "I must get my glasses." "It looks like $10,000!" "That's right." "And not a nickel too much when you consider what Benny saved the company." "Mom, here's the $10,000 I promised you." "Here's the bonus check." "Buy your rockin' chair." "Son." "Speech, speech." "Come on." "Oh no." "I really don't know what to say." "Sometimes when you get stuck for words, a humorous story will do the trick." "The one about the husband and the wife..." "Wife?" "Will you excuse us?" "Surely." "Unfinished business?" "Come on, folks." "Breakfast is gettin' cold." "Mama!" "Mama!" "Martha just said yes!" "We're gonna be married."