"AFTERNOON" "It's so heavy." "Annette, the ring..." "Have you taken your pills?" " Trust me." "Don't ask me every day." "It's tiring." "Is that all you want to know about me?" "I daren't wake you when you're asleep." "I have the feeling it would be terrible to wake you." "But you're only asleep." "So why do you want to wake me?" "Okay, okay." "I don't want to." "So where's the problem?" "You're young and I'm your only company." "It's not that." " So what is it?" "Are you stuck?" " In my writing?" "No." "I can't stop." "I'm afraid to stop." "It isn't normal." "I can't stand it." "I don't feel anything any more." "How are you?" "Not good if you're not." "But you don't need me, do you?" " Need." "What does one need?" "Courage and reason." "Hope." "Belief." "What do you believe in?" "In particular moments." "Mostly unexpected." "Things are easier if you don't expect too much." "Do I expect too much?" "Yes, but what is it you expect?" " I don't expect anything." "I'm trying to give something." "Do you understand?" "Do you understand me?" "Blue." " Hi, little brother." "Hi." "Can I play?" "Can she play?" " Later." "Again." "How long till you're finished?" " We don't know." "Mimmi's clearing me out." "Where's the rug?" "Is it at the cleaners?" "Red." "I'm hungry." "Blue." "Mimmi's got my room now." "I had no idea." "They didn't ask me." "They could have rung and asked me." "But when Mimmi wants something..." "I've got the guestroom now." "I haven't really got a room now." "I couldn't sleep last night." "And when I did sleep, I woke up again." "It was half past one, and I woke up again." "When it's impossible to lie still and everything itches, and you're exhausted and in a sweat..." "I went into Mimmi's room." "I saw your light was off next door." "And I lay down next to Mimmi in my old bed." "And could you sleep?" " Yes." "I kept waking up, but it wasn't so bad." "And then the birds began to sing and it got light." "Then I went back quickly into the other room." "I didn't want them to find me there." "But that's stupid." "Everything's different now." "Hi, Mum." "You're here." "I didn't know what to buy." "I'll bring something with me next time." " There's yoghurt." "Where's Agnes?" " Outside." "What are you up to?" " Nothing." "I'll go and shower." "Do you want something to eat?" " Not now." "Look at the flowers." "I've already seen them." "Are they for me?" "Thank you." "I'll go and shower." "Mummy." " I'm here." "Guess who won." " Alex." "No." "I had two fourteens." "Because before I had a nought, and we swapped cards." "Alex wanted to." "And then Alex put down blue, a blue four." "I had a blue nought, and then we swapped cards." "And before Alex had two fourteens, which I had then." "I had five bad cards, and then Alex had them and I won." "Do you understand?" "What are you doing?" "I'm going to repair my bike and then ride to the travel agents." "Which travel agents?" "The collar's coming off." "I can't throw it away." "I suppose I'II have to buy Alex a few more shirts." "Are you managing?" "What do you mean?" "You and Alex." "Are you managing?" "Say something?" "I think so." "What does that mean?" "Don't worry." "We're managing." "I don't know what you think..." "Alex looks terrible." " Yes?" "Yes, when you haven't seen him for a while." "Say something." " He's just reduced to essentials." "What?" "You're not listening." "Does the doctor come regularly?" " Yes." "He's weak all over, that's all." "And he'll get weaker, and we have to be kind to him." "Some people get weak at 80, others at 60." "And others at who knows when." "And where are the rugs?" " Sold." "You're not serious?" "They're at the cleaners." "So which?" " I sold them." "But we're managing." "And what did you do with the money?" " Mum." "Those antique rugs." "The one in your room is still there." " What about the money?" "Nothing Mum." "What do you do with money?" "Dampen that shirt, or you'II have to iron it for hours." "I usually iron them when they're damp, but they dry so quickly at the moment." "Why do you iron?" "I never ironed." "No, you didn't." "We couldn't bear the sight of the rugs any more." "Couldn't bear the sight of them." "We didn't get any money." "They're on sale or return." "Then I could go and get them." "If I tell you where they are." "Is Alex lying down?" " Yes, probably." "How long does he sleep?" " Till half past four." "Are you still eating this?" " No." "Agnes, Dad's looking for you." " What does he want?" "Can I have some cherries?" " Of course." "You have to wash them." " They're from the garden." "I'm bored." "Can we practice swimming?" " Later." "What did Dad want?" "You can go." "I'll finish off." "I'll take the rubbish out." "Why won't the car start?" "What do you want it for?" "A date." "In town?" " Yes, in town." "What about your car?" " Why don't you take a taxi?" "A taxi?" "They're expensive." "And I have to get back." "Or the S-Bahn." " I could cancell." "Give me the car, I'II be careful." " Be really carefull." "I'm going in." "What for?" "You give Mum the car, but not me." " I didn't want to give it to her." "She's got a new lover." " I know." "And now the car too." "If I gave it to you, I'd never see it again." "You'd treat it like a old shirt." "You'll get it when I'm dead." " When you're dead?" " Yes." "What's going on here?" " Nothing, I'm just looking for the key." "Yes, but she isn't here." "Yes, but I can't help you." "Get in touch with her agent." "I'm sorry, I can't help you." "Alex?" "Why is everyone asleep?" "Don't go to sleep." "What are you doing?" "I'm correcting the mistakes." "But there aren't many." "I've read it so often there shouldn't be any left." "You should send it in." "Why don't you send it in?" "Are you reading it?" "Yes, I'm reading." "When's this from?" " When?" "It's new." ""The brushwood scratched our legs as we gazed seawards through the battlements."" "Is that the end?" "I'm shadowing you." "I'm giving you some shade." "Don't you want any?" "Yes, I do." "This hat's falling apart." "Half past four." "What do you do on these long afternoons?" "I write." "Sometimes I play chess with Alex." "Recently I've been seeing to his papers and accounts." "So to speak." "What's left of them." "Sometimes I sleep." "And I think of you." "I wonder what you're doing and what you're wearing." "Who you're talking to." "And I'm sure you don't think of me." "I'm sure I've lost you." "It's a strange feeling to lose someone, a person." "I didn't know." "What?" "That you'd lost me." "You didn't notice." "You know, it's terrible..." "What?" "Your self-confidence." "You're always so self-confident." "Doesn't it bore you?" "But you're never bored." "You don't know what boredom is." "That's what's so depressing." "So why did you come?" "Because it's the holidays." "Of course I'd come." "By the way, I saw Irene on stage." "I saw her in her new play." "You?" " Yes." "Aren't you interested?" " Yes." "It was great." "There was a scene in which she played with a dog." "Ever seen that before?" "It went on for ages." "I've never seen her playing with a dog here." "And I've never seen anyone playing with a dog on stage." "It was weird." "I can imagine." "But the dog was great." "And she did it really well." "As if she wasn't on stage, but outside in a field, all alone with the dog." "She didn't have any props." "No stick or ball." "But she mimed throwing something that the dog brought back." "But he didn't have anything either." "She stroked him and held something up." "You know what I mean?" "I don't know how she did it." "It's a mystery." "I'm not interested in my mother any more." "It was wonderful." " Are you listening to me?" "You've got old." "Old?" "There's plenty of interesting things." "That's how it is, it won't change." "When I'm on my own I see so many things." "All the things moving around me, and I'm happy." "And I think I have to find the decisive thing for me." "And if I talk to someone, it isn't the decisive thing." "But I know that it's hidden somewhere." "It could be anywhere." "You never know." "It's something to do with me." "It arises because I ask a question no one has asked yet." "Because my thoughts are mine alone." "They come about through what I see." "When I go to sleep, I look forward to waking up." "I was looking forward to coming here." "Because it's part of me." "I though about breathing easily and recognising and re-experiencing everything." "The lake and the meadow, my old room, your house and everything." "But..." "But it's all tired, and you're like a stone in the middle." "It's so boring." "But I'm alive too." "I know." "Look at your face." "I've known it so long." "And I know your voice, and your whole body." "I know it all." "And it's all a part of me." "Away from here it's light and easy, as if I were new." "But when I came here I suddenly felt paralysed." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "It's just the moment, it'll pass." "I have to get used to everything again." "That everything's so quiet, that there's nothing here." "That you sit here as always." "As if you always sat here." "Let go." "Let go." "Do you know what he writes?" "Plays." "What's up?" "Hello." "Where are you going?" "This is Agnes." "She lives next door." "I mean, she used to." "She's at university." "Max Hruby." "Delighted." "Is Konstantin upstairs?" "Shall I fetch him?" " Are you two doing anything?" "We're going to the lake." "Would you like to come to?" "We could go swimming if you like." "There's always a spare pair of swimming trunks lying around." "I'll ask him if he wants to come." "I'm sure the water's warm." "What did you say?" "I'll go and change." "I couldn't find him." "Where's Irene?" "Indoors somewhere." "Do you really want to go swimming?" "And you?" "I just need to go home." "Where's that?" " Next door." "It isn't far." " Go on then." "Go on." "What are you doing?" "Hara-kiri?" "Mum." "Shit." "Where did the blood come from?" "Is it your blood or mine?" " I don't know." "Yours, I think." "I think it's my hand." "Are you out of your mind?" "Are you crazy?" "I'll go and get a plaster." "Is one enough?" "It's everywhere." "Show me your T-shirt." "You need to change." "Why?" "Do we have guests?" "Yes, we have guests." "We have guests." "Just think, we have guests." "Stop it Mum." "What's the matter?" "What's the matter with you?" "I'll go and change." "I'll fetch you a plaster." "Where are you going?" "I thought you were going to the lake." "What do you want to do there?" "Irene asked us to go swimming." "Where are you going?" "What did you say?" "No bus." "You and I never had animals." "Everyone else has them." "Everyone with a garden has animals." "I mean a cat or a dog." "Just coincidence." "Alex has a cat now." "Yes, now." "That's true." "It's an expensive wine." "Because we bought it in a restaurant." "It's expensive anywhere." "So why did you buy it?" " You don't understand." "So what do you mean?" "It's expensive and tastes good." "And plastic cups are disgusting." "You could have said so straight away." "I've made a friend." "I told her about you." "She wanted to see a photo, but I haven't got one." "Excuse me, have you got the time?" "I haven't got a watch." " Me neither." "I don't know if the S-Bahn's still running." "Excuse me, have you got the time?" "The young lady wants to go home." "What time is it?" "Now she's frightened." "Yes, she's frightened." "I'm a monster." "You've turned into a monster." " No." "I was born as a monster." "You're so tall, and so heavy." "Love me." "Love me." "Where is he?" "I don't know." "At the lake, I suppose." "I hope he feels at home." "Stop it." "You haven't even met him." "I know his books." "One at least." "Is it better than your stuff?" "I didn't finish it." "Yeah, I only read what I like too." "I know." "All effort pointless." "You never made an effort." "Yes I did, Mum." "But I can't follow you like a dog." "I'm not a dog." "Do you want something to eat?" "No, I'm not hungry." "But the coffee's good." "I'll keep you company while you're alone." "Do you think..." " No." "I don't think we should talk about anything." "I should leave." "And you should respect my staying by leaving me in peace." "It's known as compassion." "Be compassionate." "And not like that, not falsely." "True compassion." "From the heart." "How is your hand?" "In a bandage." "Do you think I should see a doctor?" " Is it deep?" "I'll take it off." "Does it hurt?" "Yes, it does." "It should have been stitched." "Too late now." " You should still see a doctor." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to get dressed." "It's too difficult." "Konstantin has the game with the balloons." "Can I?" "What?" " Go inside." "I don't know what Konstantin's doing." " I can look for him, please?" "Yes." "Are you working?" "No, it just looks like it." "Or what do you mean?" "I mean are you here to work?" "Out here." "I don't know." "I probably just want a house in the country." "But I haven't got one." "And I'm a long way from having one." "When I came here I thought:" "Such a long way away." "To far." "I can probably only be a visitor, or a guest." "A guest without means." "We didn't have any money either." "The house belongs to Astrid." "My mother's dead." "That's why my father married Astrid." "My mother was a dancer." "I have photos of her dancing." "And some where she's laughing." "But her body's always the same." "Her limbs remind me of rope." "They were perfect." "Like light, winding ropes." "When I was eight I heard someone in the cantine saying dancers can't get pregnant because they train so hard." "I wanted to say it wasn't true, but I didn't know the people." "But if you're a writer..." " What?" "You're successful, aren't you?" "Or is that stupid?" "Isn't that important?" " Sure." "You do something, and people love you for it." "But that's how life is." "You don't have to write for that." "You do something, and you want to be loved for it." "Every child is like that." "Sure..." "But that sounds a bit..." "I don't know." "Sometimes you don't have a choice." "You can't always do the things you're loved for." "Can you?" "I don't know." "It's just coincidence that we've met." "I'm only here in the holidays." "I've left." "And you don't regret it?" " No." "Last autumn." "You weren't afraid?" "No, what of?" "If you're referring to Konstantin..." "Sorry?" "Konstantin." "Because he stayed here." "He didn't leave, but he had his reasons." "He wasn't afraid." "I don't know why that's hard to understand." "I don't know Konstantin." "I've never even met him." "What are his reasons?" "He thinks his life is tied to this place." "Perhaps it is." "Perhaps it is." "To the house and the lake." "And because he can write here." "You're a writer too." "Perhaps you can understand him." "It would be great if you were his friend." "Perhaps you could give him some advice." "What kind of advice?" "Anyway, I wasn't thinking of Konstantin." "I don't even know him." "I asked you if you were afraid to leave this place and the man you love." "And your family too." "That was my question." "I don't think that fear is anything to be ashamed of." "Nothing is easier to understand than fear." "We're more or less all made up of fear." "Not only, of course, but in part." "Don't you think?" "Made up of fear?" "Perhaps I'm exaggerating, but..." "Sometimes I feel nothing but fear." "Fear of what?" "Of what?" "Of wasting my life, of wasting my life." "Of not being able to accept this gift of life." "Fear of failure, of being worthless, of falling flat." "How old are you?" "Nineteen." "And you?" " Thirty-two." "Amazing." "Why?" "I don't know." "The important thing is to do what you want." "I'm not really afraid." "But I have the feeling of having to do what I want." "Do you understand?" "It's what I believe." "I wasn't born to do what other people want me to do." "I wasn't born for that." "I didn't have to be born for that." "It sounds simple." "And what do you want?" "That's a mean question." "No." "So what do you want?" "I can't..." "I can't say." "I'd like to be happy." "Actually..." "I'd like to talk to you." "I'd like you to know what I think." "Even if I don't know myself." "We want to be recognised." "From time to time." "By someone." "What do you mean?" "We want to be recognised." "The soul." "The soul." "When it's recognised it changes." "It becomes more beautiful." "What do you want?" "Do you need me?" " No." "So let me lie down a bit more." "Can I bring you anything?" "There's breakfast downstairs." " I'll come down." "Why don't you get up?" "You haven't been into town for ages." "You need to go occasionally." "We could go today." "What do you think?" "Let me help you." "I'm slow in the morning." "Where's Mimmi?" " She wants to come with us." "We're going to have some ice cream." " Konstantin, Max." "Are you coming?" "There's space." "Only if you want to." "And Mimmi?" "I think she wants to come." "Is that okay?" "If she sits on my lap, we can all go." "I'll stay here." "Pity." "I wanted to ask your father about the CD." "Which CD?" "Do we go past a record shop?" "Yesterday evening I heard some beautiful music." "And you?" " By Rachmaninov." "Go on." " Are you getting in?" "Bye, my angel." "Is Irene coming, or do we collect her?" " She's coming here." "She didn't know how much time it would take at the doctor's." "Strawberry." "Chocolate." "Vanilla." "Raspberry." "Bel ange." "Lemon." "Nut, Pear." "Melba." "They have everything." "If you like, we could look inside and you can choose." " Yes." "Coffee." "Please." "Do you like him?" "Max, I mean." "I'm not interested in people any more." "What?" " Just the ones I already know." "Konstantin, Agnes and the little one." "I'm slowly losing interest in you." "But I'm not in you." "It's to do with ageing." "I think it's all right." "I don't want to reach that point." "Don't talk rubbish." "Not everything." "I suffer, but certain things have lost their interest." "Certain things never interested me." " I know." "Now you're going to be mean." "You're a carcass." "That's not true." " You aren't alone, but you're alone." "It's so quiet." "I thought there was no one here." "What are you doing?" " Writing down things to remember." "Do you know where Agnes is?" "I haven't seen her." "But I haven't been here for long." "Do you want to wait?" " I don't think there's any point." "Can I offer you something?" " No thanks." "It's nice and cool here." "You have a lot to do." "Just things." "But I have to do them before we leave." "When are you going?" " Next week." "What's the matter?" " I don't know." "I'm so exhausted." "I don't know where she is." "At your house?" "See you." "Where are you going?" " Nowhere." "Where are you going?" " Nowhere." "Who were you talking to?" "Martin, Agnes's father." "He rang from the station." "She's gone." "She packed her bags and asked him to take her to the station." "And that's what he did." "She's gone." "We haven't eaten today." "Let's see what there is to eat." "I'm hungry." "Did anyone clean my room yesterday?" "No, who would have?" "I'm looking for Agnes's little chain." "It was there yesterday." "Her chain, no idea." "I can't find it." "I'll help you to look." "Just a second." "I don't know, I've looked everywhere." "I can't find it." "Where did you see it last?" " On the bed." "I've looked everywhere." "Martin rang." "He took Agnes to the station." "She's gone." "Yes?" " Yes." "I don't know why." "What does the chain look like?" "Light grey almost transparent stones." "You've seen it loads of times." "I can't find it." "But it must be here." "Did it fall in here?" "On its own?" "No." "Well, I don't know." "I don't understand." " I don't know where to look." "Okay." "Perhaps it'll turn up." "Can I do anything else for you?" "What did you say?" "I'm going to cook." "Please eat with us." "The soup tastes better than yesterday." "Don't you think?" "I don't know, I don't remember." "We had soup yesterday, this one." "And what do you think?" "Is it better than yesterday?" "I was hungrier yesterday." "I used to have a publisher's." "For registry-office documents." "Why tell us now?" "It was a big deal." "Huge." "Seems crazy to me now, all those documents." "Do you want some wine?" " Yes." "All that paper." "The house was always full of paper." "Documents." "Yes, it was crazy." "All the rejects." "We used them for scrap paper." "But no one needs so much scrap paper." "It was a shame to throw it away." "And you?" "I'm afraid I haven't read you." " That's all right." "And I still haven't seen Irene's new piece." "Is it still on?" " Not at the moment." "So I've missed it." "This afternoon I really wanted an ice cream." "But while I was sitting there," "I suddenly lost my appetite." "It was a pity." "I'd been so looking forward to it." "I had already imagined it." "The taste, the feeling on the tongue." "Its softness and coldness." "The warm taste of vanilla." "I don't know why I didn't want one any more." "Why didn't you want any?" " I'm telling you, I don't know." "Now it's too late." "Or have we got some?" "Perhaps." "Shall I have a look?" " I could eat some now." "No." "It's far too old." "You've written novels, haven't you?" " Yes, two." "Two?" "That's something at least." "Thick ones?" " No, they aren't tomes." "Although they aren't thin either." "One has almost 300 pages." "It depends on the printing." " Of course, the printing." "I hope my questions aren't too primitive." "But there really is a difference between a thick book and a less thick one." "I want to picture it correctly." "You're quite right." " He's always right in his way." "Because I'm old." " Yes." "Do you live alone?" " Yes, alone in my flat." "I write there too." " And when you need to get out?" "What do you mean?" "To get some air?" "No, to get away." "I usually visit my brother." "He grows tomatoes in Provence." "That's what you told me, wasn't it?" "My brother married a French woman." "They live in Paris." "She's at the university." "He's a primary-school teacher." "I never mentioned Provence." "Primary-school teacher." "Why aren't you eating outside?" "The sun's shining." "Who had the tomatoes in Provence?" "You dreamed it." "Paris is wonderful anyway." "You love Paris, don't you Irene?" "I love Paris?" "I thought you did." "You were in Paris with Konstantin." "A long time ago." "When he was little." "That's right, when he was little." "He was six months old." "He was born in winter, and it was summer." "I went with him by train to Paris." "I carried him in my arms." "He was so light, it was easy." "I was strong, and Konstantin was light." "My breasts were huge." "But so what, I just looked different." " Not so different." " Very." "How long were you there?" "Three weeks." "And always outdoors." "On the street and in the parks." "I looked at the map and went to all the parks." "A new park every day." "People everywhere." "The more the merrier." "And me in the middle." "With my child." "With my child." "It was great." "It was like being newly born myself." "Can you understand?" "I couldn't understand." "I hadn't reckoned with being someone else." "You don't know." "You weren't there." "No one was there." "We were alone, and Konstantin can't remember." "So there are no witnesses." "No one who knows that I was once someone else." "You would really have loved me then." "Then." "Me." "Translation:" "Michael Turnbull" "Subtitles:" "Alias film  sprachtransfer berlin"