"Ensler:" "BEFORE WE START," "I JUST WANT TO READ A PIECE THAT I WROTE." "ABOUT HAVING BEEN AT BEDFORD N" "AND LISTENING TO THE WORDS AND TO THE WORK" "AND TO THE FEELINGS OF WOMEN HERE." "EVERYONE IS HEUSE OF A MISTAK E." "SOME OF THOSE MISTAKES OCCURRED WITHIN MONTHS," "MOST OF THE MISTAKES WERE DREADFUL, CATASTROPHIC." "NOW WE HAVE FROZEN YOU IN YOUR MISTAKES," "MARKED YOU FOREVER," "HELD CAPTIVE, DISCARDED, HATED FOR YOUR MISTAKE." "YOU'VE ESSENTIALLY BEEN FORCED TO BECOME YOUR MISTAKE." "THE OF YOUR MISTAKE," "HELD IN THE MONUMENT CONSTRUCTED TO PUNISHING MISTAKES." "BEFORE I CAME TO BEDFORD, I IMAGINED YOU, THE WOMEN HERE," "MISTAKES, LYING ON MISTAKE COTS, BEHIND STEEL MISTAKE BARS." "MISTAKES." "WE MUST FORGET THEM, PUT THEM AWAY." "THEN I CAME TO BEDFORD." "IN OUR GROUP, I WATCHED WOMEN STRUGGLE WEEK AFTER WEEK," "TO GIVE WORDS, TO GIVE VOICE TO THE GUILT," "THE SORROW, THE FEAR, THE DESPAIR" "THAT HAD FORMED AROUND THEIR CRIMES." "I WAS MOVED AND CHANGED BY THEIR COURAGE" "AND WILLINGNESS TO TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY" "FOR THEIR LIVES AND DEEDS." "THERE IS THE MISTAKE." "IT IS ONE MOMENT, IT IS IN THE PAST." "IT IS RUINED, IT CANNOT BE CHANGED." "THEN THERE IS THE WOMAN." "Woman:" "THERE'S OTHER PEOPLE OUT HERE!" "Guard:" "YEAH, WE ALREADY KNOW THAT, YOU'RE NOT COMING IN!" "YEAH, WELL, LET THE OFFICERS TAKE YOU ALL" "BACK UP THE HILL." "[ DOOR BUZZES ]" "Woman: 1651." "21B, 43 BOTTOM." "Ensler:" "SO WHO WANTS TO START?" "DID WE SAY SOMEONE WAS GOING TO START?" "DID I SAY THAT LAST TIME?" "KEILA?" "WELL, I, I HAVE WHAT YOU READ LAST WEEK." "DID YOU WORK ON IT SINCE THEN?" "NO." "WERE YOU GOING TO?" "I DON'T KNOW." "ALL RIGHT, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU READ IT THIS WEEK" "AND THEN WE'LL GIVE YOU SUPPORT ABOUT WORKING ON IT" "IF YOU NEED TO WORK ON IT MORE." "ALL RIGHT." "MY BEST FRIEND," "OR THE GUY THAT I THOUGHT WAS MY BEST FRIEND," "I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT HE DID WHAT HE DID TO ME." "I NEEDED TO TALK TO HIM." "I WAS SCARED." "I DID NOT TRUST HIM, SO I TOOK A GUN WITH ME" "SO I CAN FEEL SAFE." "I RODE MY BIKE TO HIS HOUSE," "AND HE WENT UPSTAIRS AND GOT HIS SISTER'S BIKE." "WE RODE DOWN THE BLOCK." "I STARTED TALKING TO HIM." "I ASKED HIM, "WHY YOU DID WHAT YOU DID TO ME?"" "FOR A MINUTE, HE WAS QUIET." "THEN HE STARTED LAUGHING." "I STOPPED MY BIKE AND WE WERE FACING EACH OTHER." "IN MY MIND, I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT HE WAS LAUGHING." "I THINK -- I DID NOT THINK IT WAS FUNNY." "DOESN'T HE KNOW WHAT I BEEN THROUGH?" "HE CONTINUED TO LAUGH AND SAID, "SO WHAT?" "I WILL DO IT AGAIN."" "MY MIND WENT BLANK." "I FELT NUMB." "OH, NO, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW?" "I WAS MAD THAT HE COULD NOT EVEN SAY THAT" "HE WAS SORRY." "HE CAME AT ME WITH A KNIFE, TRYING TO SCARE ME" "AND THREATENING ME WITH RAPING ME AGAIN." "I SAW THE -- I SAW THE KNIFE" "AND I BECAME SCARED," "BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I WAS ANGRY AT HIM." "I FOUND MYSELF HAVING FLASHBACKS OF THAT DAY" "THAT HE RAPED ME." "I ST THAT HE WOULD DO I T AGAIN" "AND THIS TIME IT WILL BE WORSE BECAUSE HE HAD A KNIFE." "THAT'S ALL I WROTE." "Ensler:" "HOW MANY DAYS AFTER HE RAPED YOU DID YOU GO?" "THREE DAYS." "DID YOU TELL ANYONE YOU WERE GOING TO CONFRONT HIM?" "NO." "I DIDN'T." "SO YOU DIDN'T FEEL LIKE THERE WAS ANYONE" "YOU REALLY COULD TURN TO FOR THIS?" "UH-UH." "I DON'T KNOW." "FOR SOME REASON, I FELT LIKE, YOU KNOW, IF I TALKED TO HIM," "I WOULD GET AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHY HE DID THAT" "AND EVERY -- AND IF HE APOLOGIZED," "THEN EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" "I COULD HAVE RAN, BUT IT WAS LIKE AT THAT MOMENT," "I WAS STUCK, I WAS NUMB, I WAS LIKE IN SHOCK." "I WAS LIKE, OH, MY GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" "SO IT WASN'T LIKE -- EVEN THOUGH I HAD THE CHANCE," "IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME TO JUST RUN." "SO IT WAS LIKE " "WHAT IF I WOULD HAVE RAN?" "THAT WOULD HAVE PREVENTED " "NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED," "I WOULD HAVE NEVER REACTED, I NEVER WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM." "THOSE ARE THINGS THAT GO THROUGH MY MIND." "YOU KNOW, I THINK ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME." "AND YOU WERE HOW OLD?" "21." "I HAD JUST TURNED 21." "Woman:" "AND YOU NEVER THOUGHT" "TO GO TO THE AUTHORITIES OR..." "I DIDN'T LOOK AT THE POLICE AS MY ALLIES." "THEY WEREN'TMYFRIENDS." "I WAS NEVER RAISED TO GO OR CALL THE POLICE FOR ANYTHING." "SO THAT NEVER CROSSED MY MIND AT ALL." "Woman:" "WHERE I COME FROM," "EVEN IF THEY SEE YOU GOING TO THE COPS," "PEOPLE MIGHT NOT THINK THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING IN THERE FOR." "THEY MIGHT THINK THAT YOU GOING IN THERE FOR SOMETHING ELSE." "THEY MIGHT CONSIDER YOU A SNITCH." "AND IN HER CASE, SHE MIGHT HAVE PUT HER LIFE IN DANGER" "JUST BY GOING TO THE COPS AND ACCUSING HIM." "WHAT IF THE COPS DIDN'T GET TO HIM IN TIME" "AND HE FOUND OUT THAT SHE HAD SENT THE COPS AFTER HIM?" "AND IF HE WENT AFTER HER WITH A KNIFE," "WHAT WOULD HE HAVE DONE" "IF HE FIND OUT THAT SHE WENT TO THE COPS?" "Ensler:" "AND IT NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU" "TO TELL YOUR MOTHER?" "NO, ME AND MY MOTHER NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT." "I COULDN'T TALK TO MY MOTHER ABOUT HAVING A BOYFRIEND," "LET ALONE TRYING TO TALK TO HER ABOUT," "YOU KNOW, THINGS LIKE THAT." "Woman:" "I THINK IT'S INCREDIBLY SAD THAT," "AS I'M LISTENING TO KEILA AGAIN I KEEP ASKING MYSELF WHY." "WHY COULDN'T SHE GO TO HER MOM?" "WHY COULDN'T SHE GO TO THE POLICE?" "WHERE DID THESE MESSAGES COME FROM, YOU KNOW?" "KEILA IS YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE MY DAUGHTER" "AND I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE A WORLD WHERE IT'S COME TO THAT," "THAT YOU'RE NOT SAFE." "WHEN I WAS MARRIED, I WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED." "FIRST THING I DID WAS RUN TO THE POLICE." "AND THEY ACTUALLY GOT THE GUY." "ARRESTED HIM, BROUGHT HIM IN," "AND FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS A RAPIST" "WANTED IN ANOTHER STATE." "SO IT'S, YOU KNOW, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN TO ME AS A CHILD," "BUT IT DID AS A, AS AN ADULT," "AS A MARRIED WOMAN -- I WAS PREGNANT." "AND THEY ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING GOOD" "Woman:" "YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MAKING ME THINK ABOUT," "IN OUR SOCIETY, YOU KNOW," "A LOT OF THE POWERS THAT BE" "DON'T REALIZE WHERE" "AFRICAN-AMERICANS AND HISPANIC PEOPLE," "THAT OUR WORLD IS DIFFERENT THAN THEIR WORLD." "YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE KE" "SHE DIDN'T CALL THE POLICE" "BECAUSE THE POLICE AREN'T OUR ALLIES." "WHEN THINGS HAPPEN TO US," "WE DON'T LOOK TO GO TO THE POLICE." "WE EITHER HANDLE IT OURSELVES," "WE MOVE, OR, YOU KNOW, WE MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES." "THAT'S HOW, THAT'S HOW LIFE IS, YOU KNOW?" "AND THE BIGGER SOCIETY JUST DOESN'T WANT TO SEE IT." "Ensler:" "WHAT DOES YOUR FAMILY FEEL ABOUT YOU SHOOTING HIM?" "I DON'T KNOW." "MY FAMILY " "IT'S TAKEN THEM A WHILE TO, LIKE, ACTUALLY " "BECAUSE YOU GOT TO ALSO UNDERSTAND, MY " "IT'S BEEN HARD FOR MY FATHER AND MY MOTHER," "ESPECIALLY, TO ACTUALLY THINK I TOOK A LIFE." "TO -- BECAUSE THAT'S NOT ME." "IT'S NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON." "AND ESPECIALLY HIS, BECAUSE WE GREW UP TOGETHER," "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" "SO IT'S LIKE THE FACT THAT HE RAPED ME" "AND THE FACT THAT HE'S DEAD IS LIKE A BIG ISSUE," "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" "IT'S LIKE " " AND NOT ONLY THE FACT THAT HE'S DEAD," "THE FACT THAT I TOOK HIS -- YOU KNOW, I SHOT HIM." "IT WAS LIKE, NO, MY BABY DIDN'T DO THAT." "SOMEBODY ELSE DID IT." "Woman:" "YOU THINK THAT THE PERSON THAT DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT" "IS A MONSTER, AND THIS ISN'T A MONSTER," "SO THERE, SHE COULDN'T DO IT." "AS OPPOSED TO THAT WE ARE WHO WE ARE" "AND THESE PEOPLE THAT ARE JUST VERY HUMAN AND DECENT" "ARE ALSO CAPABLE OF DOING SOMETHING TERRIBLE." "AND THAT'S A MUCH HARDER MESSAGE, YOU KNOW?" "THAT WAS REALLY GOOD, KEILA." "I WANT TO TAKE IT AND JUST WRITE LITTLE NOTES TO YOU" "OF THINGS WHERE I THINK YOU CAN GO A LITTLE FURTHER" "AND THINK ABOUT A LITTLE MORE." "ALL RIGHT." "YOU KNOW?" "ROSIE?" "CAN YOU READ THAT AGAIN?" "WHAT PAGE IS THAT AGAIN?" "PAGE 28." "MY BEST FRIEND," "OR THE GUY I GREW UP WITH" "WHO I THOUGHT WAS MY BEST FRIEND " "THE SCAR HE LEFT ON MY BODY" "DOES NOT COMPARE TO THE SCAR HE LEFT ON MY SOUL." "THIS WAS A VERY DIFFICULT POINT IN MY LIFE." "I WAS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND" "WHY PEOPLE I TRUST ALWAYS HURT ME." "[ Tearfully ] FLASHBACKS OF THAT DAY" "ARE REVEALED IN MY MIND THAT," "EVERY EMOTION IS FELT -- THE PAIN, THE ANGER, THE RAGE," "THE FEELING OF BEING TOTALLY VIOLATED." "ALL FILL MY MIND AT ANY GIVEN TIME." "I TRY TO FORGET, BUT I CAN'T." "YOU SEE, THEY COULD BE TRIGGERED BY VIOLENT MOVIES," "A WORD, OR A SOUND." "MY BEST FRIEND," "OR A GUY I GREW UP WITH" "WHO I THOUGHT WAS MY BEST FRIEND " "HOW CAN I EVER FORGET HIM AND WHAT HE DID TO ME?" "I CAN'T." "BECAUSE HE'S THE REASON WHY" "I'M IN PRISON TODAY." "WHAT I WANT MY WORDS TO DO TO YOU." "I WANT MY WORDS TO TOUCH YOU IN WAYS YOU NEVER KNEW EXISTED." "FOR ONE MINUTE, TO PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES," "TO SEE ME AS A HUMAN BEING" "WHO TRULY MADE AN ERROR IN JUDGMENT," "WHO THOUGHT WITH HER HEART INSTEAD OF HER HEAD," "AND IS NOW PAYING WITH HER LIFE." "SEE ME AS THE DAUGHTER" "WHO YEARNS TO BE WITH HER MOTHER," "THE WOMAN WHO DREAMS OF HAVING IN HER WOMB." "I WISH WTO GIVE YOU GLIMPS ES" "OF THE LIFE I'VE LIVED, OF THE LIFE I AM LIVING," "SO THAT YOU WILL KNOW ME" "AND THEREFORE BE ABLE TO JUDGE ME" "ON THE MERIT OF WHO I TRULY AM." "NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO JUDGE YOU." "THAT'S THE RULE OF THE GROUP." "SO I THINK ONCE YOU ESTABLISH THAT," "THEN PEOPLE CAN COME AND SAY," "OKAY, I CAN PUT IT OUT HERE." "AND PEOPLE PUT TERRIBLE THINGS OUT THERE." "HORRIBLE THINGS, SHAMEFUL THINGS," "AND I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY JUDGE ANYBODY." "NEVER." "NEVER." "BUT I THINK IT'S CREATING A CONTEXT" "WHERE PEOPLE FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO DO THAT." "WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO TODAY -- HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE..." "HAS EVERYBODY DONE THE WRITING EXERCISE?" "McWilliams:" "I DON'T HAVE MINE." "YOU'RE GOING TO DO YOURS." "McWiWE'LL DO SCARS." "HAVE MINE." "Boudin:" "AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT HASN'T READ?" "WHO ELSE HASN'T READ THEIR PIECE, THEIR SCAR PIECE?" "YOU?" "KATHY AND WHO WAS THE THIRD?" "BRING YOUR SCAR PIECE NEXT WEEK." "I NEVER WROTE ONE." "I DON'T HAVE NO SCARS." "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SCARS ON YOUR WHOLE BODY?" "LIE." "THAT'S SUCH A LIE." "YOU DON'T HAVE ONE SCAR ON YOUR BODY?" "WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIP?" "YOU'RE JUST NOW SEEING IT?" "NO, I SAW IT RIGHT AWAY." "I WAS TRYING TO HOPE YOU WOULD GET THERE BEFORE ME." "ALL RIGHT, WHO WANTS TO GO NEXT?" "JUDY?" "OKAY." "I CAN'T REMEMBER EXACTLY HOW OLD I WAS" "WHEN I GOT THE CHICKEN POX, ABOUT EIGHT OR NINE." "BUT I CAN STILL RECALL THE PLEASURE I FELT" "WHEN THE FIRST RED DOTS APPEARED " "FINALLY, I WAS INCONTROVERTIBLY SICK." "SICK ENOUGH TO STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL." "SICK ENOUGH TO CAPTURE" "MY MOTHER'S HARRIED ATTENTION!" "TO PULL HER OUT OF HER WORK CLOTHES" "AND HER MORNING RUSH" "TOWARD THE SUBWAY TO STAY HOME WITH ME." "FOR A FEW HOURS I WAS IN MY GLORY," "BUT WHEN MAMA CAME INTO MY ROOM," "SHE BROUGHT JUST A GRUMBLING DISPOSITION." "SHE GAVE ME TWO ASPIRIN AND TOLD ME TO STAY IN BED," "THEN DISAPPEARED." "WHEN I WOKE UP FROM MY NAP, I COULD BARELY RECOGNIZE" "MY FACE BEHIND ALL THE UGLY SWOLLEN RED BLOTCHES." "I BURST INTO TEARS AND RAN TO MAMA" "WHO GASPED AT THE SIGHT OF ME." "SHE TOOK MY HAND AND LED ME BACK TO BED." "SHE STAYED SITTING BY ME," "PERIODICALLY FEELING MY FOREHEAD." "FINALLY, I HAD MY MOTHER'S FULL ATTENTION." ""DON'T SCRATCH," SHE ADMONISHED" "EACH TIME I CLAWED MY FACE AND ARMS." ""YOU'LL LEAVE A SCAR."" "SURE ENOUGH, MAMA WAS RIGHT AGAIN," "FOR WHEN MY CHICKENPOX FINALLY FADED," "I WAS LEFT WITH A SCAR RIGHT ON MY FOREHEAD," "A LIFETIME REMINDER THAT WINNING HER ATTENTION" "WAS SOMETIMES NOT WORTH THE COST." "BUT THAT WAS A LESSON THAT I WAS SLOW TO LEARN." "YEARS LATER, THAT SCAR ONCE AGAIN BROUGHT ME ATTENTION." "THE YEAR WAS 1970, I HAD JUST TURNED 21." "HAVING RACKED UP NUMEROUS CHARGES" "FROM SEVERAL DEMONSTRATIONS I HAD GONE UNDERGROUND," "I HAD BEEN A FUGITIVE FOR ABOUT A YEAR," "DURING WHICH TIME MY VIOLENT ACTIVITIES" "HAD ESCALATED ALONG WITH THE WAR." "IF YOU HAD ASKED ME, I WOULD HAVE SAID" "THAT I WAS FULLY DEDICATED TO MY ROLE." "BUT I WONDER NOW AT MY MOTIVES, FOR CHOOSING ONE DAY" "TO GO TO A MOVIE HOUSE THAT WAS JUST AROUND THE CORNER" "FROM THE FBI HEADQUARTERS IN NEW YORK." "AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT," "THE FBI AGENT ASSIGNED TO FINDING ME," "PASSED ME ON THE STREET," "HE FOLLOWED ME INTO THE MOVIE THEATER WHERE I WAS ARRESTED." "SITTING IN THE FBI HEADQUARTERS," "I HEARD HIM LAUGHINGLY TELL ONE OF HIS ASSOCIATES," "THAT IT WAS THE POCK MARK ON MY FOREHEAD THAT TIPPED HIM OFF." "I WISH I COULD SAY THAT THE MONTHS I SPENT IN JAIL" "TAUGHT ME A LESSON." "BUT IT WOULD TAKE MANY YEARS," "FAR MORE TERRIBLE ACTIONS ON MY PART," "BRINGING FAR GREATER TRAGEDY" "BEFORE I LEARNED THAT SO MANY OF MY ACTIONS" "WERE HARDLY WORTH THE COST" "OF THE ATTENTION THEY BROUGHT." "Ensler:" "WOW, THAT'S GREAT, JUDITH." "I JUST THINK THAT WHOLE IDEA OF THE LENGTHS YOU WILL GO TO" "TO GET YOUR MOTHER TO STAY BY YOUR BED " "THAT'S SORT OF PAINFUL, ACTUALLY." "Pulinario:" "I USED TO DO THAT." "SHE PAID ME NO ATTENTION." "Clark:" "I THINK I DEFINITELY DID OF WHAT I DID" "TO TRY TO, LIKE, BE SEEN AND HEARD AND KNOWN." "ABSOLUTELY." "Warren:" "AFTER YOU WERE IGNORED ALL YOUR CHILDHOOD, HELLO." "THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE." "YOU KNOW, IT'S MORE SUBTLE THAN THAT." "YOU TS, THEY WERE DEPRESSION ERA PEOPLE." "LIKE, THEY WERE DEALING WITH LIFE," "GO THROUGH THOSE THINGS, BUT." "I KNOW." "SO, YES." "Ensler:" "THE FACT THAT YOU WERE COMPLETELY OUT-BROKEN EVERYWHERE" "AND THAT'S WHAT GOT YOUR MOTHER'S ATTENTION" "HAD CONSEQUENCES IN YOUR LIFE." "YOU HAD TO KEEP DOING BIGGER AND MORE EXTREME THINGS." "YES, BUT THERE'S ALSO YOU KNOW KIDS RESPOND IN DIFFERENT WAYS" "TO THAT SITUATION AND I ALSO WAS A KID WHO," "YOU KNOW, WASN'T GOING TO TAKE THAT." "IT JUST BREAKS YOUR HEART -- YOU THINK ABOUT DID YOU " "YOU WAS A LITTLE GIRL, YOU KNOW, WANTING THAT ATTENTION" "AND NOT GETTING IT -- I KNOW." "Ensler:" "I KNOW YOU KNOW." "ME, I KNOW AS THE ONLY GIRL IN MY FAMILY," "IT'S LIKE I ALWAYS WANTED MY MOTHER'S ATTENTION." "AND IT'S NOT LIKE SHE WAS A BAD MOTHER." "I MEAN, SHE FED US, CLEANED," "TOOK US TO THE DOCTORS AND STUFF LIKE THAT." "BUT IT'S LIKE IF I WOULD HAVE HAD A RELATIONSHIP" "WITH MY MOTHER, HOW I WANTED IT," "I COULD SEE MY LIFE TOTALLY DIFFERENT." "I'M SURE MOST OF OUR MOTHERS PUT THE FOOD ON THE TABLE" "AND WENT THROUGH THE MOTIONS AND DID ALL THE RIGHT THINGS," "JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER STAYED HOME FROM WORK" "WITH YOU THAT DAY." "BUT DID YOUR MOTHER KNOW WHEN SHE WALKED INTO THE BEDROOM" "THAT YOU NEEDED HER TO STAY THERE?" "IT'S THIS THING OF MATTERING," "THIS THING OF BEING KNOWN?" "THAT'S THE REAL FOOD, THAT'S THE SUSTENANCE." "AND I THINK THAT DEPRIVATION IS THE CORE DEPRIVATION." "AND I WOULD VENTURE TO SAY THAT NO ONE IN THIS GROUP HAD A CORE." "I'M GOING TO GO THAT FAR OUT ON A LIMB" "AND SAY THAT THERE IS NOT ONE PERSON IN THIS GROUP" "WHO HAD A CORE." "Smith:" "I WOULDN'T AGREE WITH THAT." "I FEEL MY GRANDMOTHER," "MY GREAT-GRANDMOTHER WAS MY CORE," "BUT WHEN I MOVED AWAY FROM HER," "I LOST THAT AND I NEVER REGAINED IT." "Ensler:" "BUT I THINK YOU WANTED SOMETHING ELSE" "THAT YOU DIDN'T GET, WHICH WAS YOUR MOTHER." "Smith:" "I DON'T THINK SO, I REALLY DON'T." "I CAN'T AGREE WITH THAT, EVE, I REALLY CAN'T." "I CAN'T AGREE WITH THAT." "Ensler:" "I'M NOT SAYING THIS HAS TO WORK FOR YOU." "I'M SAYING THIS IS MY OWN PARTICULAR " "Smith:" "BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW MY MOTHER UNTIL I WAS 11." "AS SOON AS I WAS BORN, SHE GAVE ME TO MY GRANDMOTHER" "SO IT WAS NO SENSE OF SMELL AND THE TOUCH AND, YOU KNOW," "STUFF LIKE THAT AND EVERYTHING SO." "Clark:" "I FEEL LIKE ON THE ONE HAND, I KNOW" "FOR ME EMOTIONALLY," "MY MOTHER WAS SO INTRUSIVE," "SHE HAD OPINIONS ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING IN MY LIFE," "AND YET I WAS INVISIBLE." "AND I KNOW THAT THAT YOU K NOW, COMBINATION," "I TOOK IT IN A LOT OF PERVERSE DIRECTIONS." "BUT I FEEL LIKE MY PROBLEN, L IKE," "SOMEHOW THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE." "BECAUSE IF YOU GOT A GROUP OF PEOPLE TOGETHER OUTSIDE" "WHO WERE SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS PEOPLE," "THEY COULD HAVE THE SAME CONVERSATION." "I CAN ONLY SHARE FOR ME THAT I THINK YOU GET" "YOUR MOTHER'S LOVE OR YOU DON'T." "THIS IS MY OWN THEORY." "Boudin:" "I DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT'S SO CLEAR CUT AS THAT." "I DON'T EXPERIENCE IT AS BLACK OR WHITE" "SORT OF THE WAY YOU'RE PRESENTING IT." "I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN, I'M JUST LISTENING AND TRYING TO THINK" "ABOUT HOW DOES THAT APPLY TO ME, AND I FEEL IT'S COMPLICATED." "I ALWAYS FELT VERY ADORED BY MY MOTHER." "I KNOW IT'S TRUE THAT SHE LEFT ME." "SHE GOT SICK AND SHE HAD TO LEAVE FOR SEVERAL YEARS." "SHE HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN, SHE HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN" "AND SO THE RESULT WAS THAT SHE HAD TO BE HOSPITALIZED." "SO MAYBE THAT LEAVING DID THAT JOB ON ME" "EVEN THOUGH CERTAINLY WHEN SHE CAME BACK SHE " "I FELT HER LOVE AND I FELT IT BEFORE." "THAT'S SORT OF WHAT I'M SAYING ABOUT THE BLACK AND WHITE." "I FELT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LOVED BY BOTH MY PARENTS." "BUT MAYBE THE LOSS THAT HAPPENED" "WAS, YOU KNOW -- LEFT A BIG VOID IN ME" "THAT IN SOME WAY OR OTHER" "AFFECTED HOW I FELT ABOUT MYSELF." "I DEFINITELY THINK THAT'S ICOMPLETELY RELATED." "TO HOW I ENDED UP HERE" "AND A LOT OF THE OTHER CHOICES THAT I MADE." "HE FOLLOWED ME INTO THE MOVIE THEATER" "WHERE I WAS ARRESTED." "SITTING IN THE FBI HEADQUARTERS," "I HEARD HIM" "LAUGHINGLY TELL ONE OF HIS ASSOCIATES" "THAT IT WAS THE POCK MARK ON MY FOREHEAD" "THAT TIPPED HIM OFF." "[ LAUGHTER ]" "I WISH I COULD SAY" "THAT THE MONTHS I SPENT IN JAIL" "TAUGHT ME A LESSON." "BUT IT WOULD TAKE MANY MORE YEARS," "FAR MORE TERRIBLE ACTIONS ON MY PART," "BRINGING FAR GREATER TRAGEDY BEFORE" "I LEARNED THAT SO MANY OF MY ACTIONS" "WERE HARDLY" "WORTH THE COST" "FOR THE ATTENTION" "THEY BROUGHT." "WHAT I WANT MY WORDS TO DO TO YOU." "WHAT I WOULD LIKE IS TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE" "ABOUT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE," "TO UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE IS SHORT AND BEAUTIFUL," "TO SEE MY LIFE AS IT WAS AND IS RIGHT NOW," "NOT TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME, BUT TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND." "TO THINK BEFORE YOU ACT," "AND TO THINK ABOUT MY SITUATION WITH AN OPEN MIND," "BECAUSE IF THE PLACES WERE REVERSED," "I KNOW THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE LISTENED TO" "WITH AN OPEN MIND." "WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED, WERE THEY CLOSED OFF INITIALLY" "AND THEN THEY STARTED WRITING?" "OH, YEAH, WE'VE WORKED, WE'VE WORKED." "Ensler:" "THIS IS THE RESULT OF FOUR YEARS." "AND FOR MANY OF THEM 20 YEARS," "BUT IN TERMS OF THIS WRITING GROUP, FOUR YEARS." "Close:" "ALSO THE THING IS THAT THEY'RE NOT ALL THERE." "I MEAN, THEY'RE NOT LIKE ALL OF US," "YOU KNOW, THEY'RE WOMEN WHO " "OR HUMAN BEINGS," "THAT HAVE FLAWS AND ARE PAYING FOR THEM." "AND I THINK THIS WRITING IS A LOT OF DIFFERENT HUMAN BEINGS" "ARE AT DIFFERENT TIMES IN THEIR LIFE," "THEY HAVEN'T ALL COME TO TERMS WITH EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW?" "Woman:" "I FEEL REALLY SCARED." "SO GO AHEAD." "BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO THROW UP" "SO I'M GOING TO JUST DO THIS." "THIS IS TO MY MOTHER." "MOM, I CAN STILL SEE YOUR FACE IN FRONT OF ME," "YOUR EYES HELD BOTH A DEEP SENSE OF SORROW" "AND AN EXPECTANT HOPE" "THAT I COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION YOU ASKED." "THE WORDS "HOW DID YOU EVER END UP HERE"" "CAME DIRECTLY AT ME LIKE MORE OF A DECLARATION" "THAN A QUESTION." "ALL I COULD DO THEN WAS CRY." "TODAY, AFTER MUCH REFLECTION, I WILL TRY TO ANSWER YOU." "THE BEGINNING OF THE END CAME" "WHEN GREG TOLD ME HE HAD CHEATED ON ME." "YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM." "HE WAS MY LIFE." "WHEN HE TOLD ME, I WANTED TO DIE." "OVER TIME, I ENDED UP FORGIVING HIM." "THE PROBLEM WAS THAT I DIDN'T FORGET." "A FEW MONTHS LATER, I FOUND OUT THAT SOMEONE HAD A CRUSH ON ME." "BECAUSE I WAS VULNERABLE AND NEEDED SOMEONE TO VALIDATE ME," "I LET THE CRUSH DEVELOP INTO A RELATIONSHIP." "BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I KNEW BETTER." "DURING MY MOMENTS OF SANITY I TRIED TO END THE RELATIONSHIP." "BILL KEPT THREATENING ME, THOUGH," "I WISH NOW THAT I HAD TALKED TO SOMEONE," "ANYONE ABOUT MY DILEMMA." "HOWEVER, I WAS TOO HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED" "ABOUT MY OWN TRANSGRESSION." "EVENTUALLY THE TORMENT BECAME TOO MUCH FOR ME," "SO I ENDED THE AFFAIR." "MORE THAN THAT, I DECIDED TO TELL GREG MYSELF." "WHEN I TOLD BILL THAT I HAD TOLD GREG," "I GUESS HE REALIZED THAT THE AFFAIR WAS TRULY OVER." "I WOULD SIMULTANEOUSLY HATCH A PLOT" "TO MURDER GREG." "AND IN THE END HE DID JUST THAT." "I WILL FOREVER BE HAUNTED BY THE KNOWLEDGE THAT" "HAD I NEVER BECOME INVOLVED WITH BILL," "THEN GREG WOULD STILL BE ALIVE TODAY." "EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T PULL THE TRIGGER," "MY BAD CHOICES HELPED LOAD THE GUN." "Ensler:" "HOW DO PEOPLE RESPOND?" "ITING I'VE HEARD." "DIFFERENT THAN" "AND I THINK ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I'VE HEARD IN IT" "WAS HOW YOUNG A VOICE IT WAS." "AND I REMEMBERED HOW YOUNG YOU WERE WHEN IT ALL HAPPENED." "Smart:" "I 21 YEARS OLD," "AND THE PERSON I BECAME INVOLVED WITH WAS 16 YEARS OLD." "AND LIKE I SAID, I KNEW BETTER." "I REMEMBER SAYING, THIS IS WRONG, WHY AM I DOING THIS?" "BUT IT WAS LIKE WHEN YOU'RE STILL DOING SOMETHING," "AND YOU'RE SAYING THIS IS WRONG," "SO I HAVE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FACT" "THAT IT WASN'T LIKE I WAS UNDER SOME SPELL" "WHERE I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THIS WAS WRONG." "I KNEW IT WAS WRONG." "I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO SOMETHING YOU SAID BEFORE" "BECAUSE I THINK AS PAINFUL AS IT IS," "WHEN YOU GET TO OWN FULL RESPONSIBILITY," "YOU GET TO BE FREE." "IT'S THE AVOIDANCE OF FULL RESPONSIBILITY" "THAT KEEPS YOU AT THAT PLACE" "WHERE YOU FEEL DEPRESSED OR GUILTY OR ANGRY." "AND WHAT YOU DID TODAY IS AN INCREDIBLY GREAT BEGINNING." "IT'S A GREAT BEGINNING." "IT WAS REALLY HARD TO WRITE" "BECAUSE I HAVEN'T REALLY SPENT A LOT OF TIME" "SINCE I'VE BEEN IN PRISON DEALING WITH MYSELF." "SO THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER SAID ANY OF THAT." "IT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER WROTE ANYTHING LIKE THAT, TOO." "YOU'VE TALKED ABOUT YOUR SITUATION." "WHAT WAS DIFFERENT THIS TIME?" "Smart:" "BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THAT I EVER, LIKE " "YOU KNOW, IT WAS LIKE EVERYBODY'S FAULT THAT I'M HERE." "THE JURY WASN'T SEQUESTERED, YOU KNOW, THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN," "THE JUDGE DID THIS AND THAT," "RATHER THAN, LOOK," "I AM HERE BECAUSE OF SOME CHOICES THAT I MADE" "THAT EVENTUALLY LED TO THIS ROAD." "AND I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT MICHELLE RIGHT NOW" "BECAUSE SHE'S LIKE MY JUDGMENT PIECE." "AND I DON'T KNOW, I JUST." "McWilliams:" "WHAT CAN I SAY, I MEAN, I WAS HERE WHEN YOU CAME" "AND PEOPLE WAS WITH THE HYPE." "PAMELA SMART, YOU KNOW." "AND I STARTED TO BECOME FRIENDS WITH YOU." "AND, WELL, YOU KNOW," "WE ARE BOTH EACH OTHER'S CONSCIENCE" "SO YOU SHOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS" "THINK THAT I WOULD JUDGE YOU." "Smart:" "NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT." "IT'S JUST THAT WE HAVE THIS THING BETWEEN US" "WHERE, LIKE, I KNOW THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS TELL ME THE TRUTH" "AND I CAN'T REALLY SAY THAT ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE." "LIKE NO MATTER WHO UGLY IT IS, WOO, SHE'LL TELL IT TO ME." "AND I'VE TOLD HER SOME UGLY TRUTHS ABOUT HERSELF, TOO." "SO IT WAS LIKE," "I GUESS, LIKE, PART OF ME," "THE LITTLE GIRL MAYBE IN ME, WAS LIKE DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?" "YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW." "IT'S LIKE BECAUSE OF THE HIGH PROFILENESS OF YOUR CASE," "BECAUSE OF ALL THE ATTENTION YOU GET FROM THE MEDIA," "BECAUSE YOU WERE SO UNCOMFORTABLE" "IN EXPOSING THAT PIECE, YOU KNOW." "YOU SAID IT, YOU SHOWED IT, YOU PUT THE BOOK UP," "AND I WAS WONDERING IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID" "THAT WE WON'T SEE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE," "THAT WE'LL BE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE," "LIKE THE MEDIA HAS PORTRAYED YOU, LIKE YOU SAID," "YOU KNOW, THIS COLD-HEARTED PERSON." "I GUESS IT'S JUST BECAUSE EVERYTHING I SAY" "GETS MISINTERPRETED SO MUCH THAT, LIKE, TOMORROW'S HEADLINE" "COULD BE, "PAM SMART SAID SHE LOADED THE GUN."" "Woman:" "DO YOU FEEL BECAUSE OF THIS THAT" "YOU ARE NOT REALLY BEING WHO YOU ARE" "BECAUSE OF ALL THIS OTHER STUFF THAT'S GOING ON AROUND YOU?" "WHO IS THE REAL PAM, WHO IS THE REAL PAM SMART?" "Smart:" "WELL, I'M THE -- I'M THE REAL " "PAM SMART." "THIS IS IT." "I'M NOT WALKING AROUND WITH A MASK ON." "BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I'M BEING SOMETHING THAT I'M NOT, OKAY?" "THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM, OKAY?" "BUT AS FAR AS ME TALKING ABOUT THIS PART," "THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I'VE, LIKE, HIDDEN FOREVER." "I MEAN, WHAT I THINK I CAN IDENTIFY WITH," "BEING A HIGH PROFILE PRISONER TOO," "IS THAT WE HATE THE WAY THE MEDIA PORTRAYS US," "IS ALSO" "SO IS IT WORSE TO BE A DANGEROUS," "CRAZED TERRORIST?" "OR TO BE THIS STUPID, MISERABLE, INCOMPETENT," "NEEDY ASSHOLE?" "Ensler:" "WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST YOU DO," "I WANT YOU IN YOUR STORY TO GO BACK" "TO THE POINT WHERE YOUR HUSBAND HAS AN AFFAIR," "AND I WANT YOU TO UNLOCK YOUR ANGER" "AND JUST WRITE ABOUT IT." "Smart:" "BUT IT WASN'T EVEN -- THE DOMINANT EMOTION" "WAS NOT ANGER AT ALL." "Ensler:" "I KNOW IT'S NOT THE EMOTION YOU ARE FEELING." "IT WAS LIKE SADNESS MORE THAN ANYTHING." "Ensler:" "OKAY, BUT I WANT YOU TO GO BACK AND FIND YOUR ANGER" "IN THAT MOMENT." "I KNOW IT WASN'T THE FEELING YOU WERE HAVING." "JUST SEE IF YOU CAN BEGIN TO UNLOCK IT." "BECAUSE I THINK PART OF THE WRITING PROCESS" "IS DISCOVERING WHAT'S UNDERNEATH THERE." "WHAT'S UNDERNEATH THERE." "BECAUSE IT, LIKE, GOT SKIPPED OVER." "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?" "AND IN THERE IS SOMETHING -- THERE'S A STORY IN THERE." "ALL RIGHT." "I WANT MY WORDS TO MAKE THE PAST GO AWAY." "MY PAST HOVERS OVER ME." "FANGS BARED," "SKULKING IN AND OUT OF MY VISION." "IT LURKS, WAITING FOR OPENINGS TO POUNCE LIKE A JACKAL." "I AM ITS PREY." "I WANT MY WORDS TO MAKE THE PAST GO AWAY." "THE DEATHS UNFORESEEN," "UNWANTED," "THE ANGUISH LEFT BEHIND." "I WANT MY WORDS TO MAKE MY PAST GO AWAY," "SO THAT I DON'T SPEND THE PRESENT" "LOOKING BACK OVER MY SHOULDER," "ASKING MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN," "QUESTIONS THAT STRIKE ME" "OVER AND OVER LIKE DARTS FLYING RAPIDLY ON A VIDEO GAME." "I WANT MY WORDS TO MAKE MY PAST GO AWAY," "TO ERASE THE MOMENT WHEN I SAID," "YES, I WILL GO," "INSTEAD OF NO." "TO WHITE OUT THE SOUNDS WHEN GUNS BEGAN TO SHOOT..." "TO BRING BACK THOSE WHO DIED." "I WANT MY WORDS TO MAKE THE PAST GO AWAY." "I WANT MY WORDS TO BE A HERD OF HORSES" "TRAMPING OVER THE PAST," "SO THAT IT IS BURIED UNDER THE PARCHED, AUTUMN LEAVES," "THEN BURIED DEEPER BY THE ICE OF WINTER" "SO THAT THE PAST WILL BE LIKE THE EARTH MADE OVER," "EACH SPRING RAKED AND HOED," "MADE READY FOR NEW PLANTING." "CAN WE HAVE A FEW MINUTES, A LITTLE TALK JUST ABOUT" "WHAT WAS HAPPENING FOR PEOPLE EARLIER ON?" "AS I LISTENED TO EACH WOMAN, EACH OF US READ," "I REALLY FELT THAT THEY CAPTURED HOW FRAGILE LIFE IS." "I MEAN, AND HOW IN TWO OR THREE SECONDS," "ONE'S LIFE CAN CHANGE," "YOU COULD LOSE YOUR FREEDOM, YOU COULD LOSE YOUR RIGHTS," "YOU COULD LOSE YOUR CHILDREN," "YOU COULD LOSE YOUR FAMILY." "DEAR MOM, I LED YOU TO BELIEVE THAT I MAY BE COMING HOME" "IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE." "I NEVER HAD THE HEART TO TELL YOU THIS," "BUT THAT IS NOT LIKELY." "I HAVE 50 TO LIFE, MOM, AND IT'S TIME WE BOTH ACCEPT IT." "THIS IS MY REALITY -- IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE," "AND SOMETIMES I WISH IT WEREN'T SO." "I MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES IN MY LIFE" "FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS." "I WAS IN LOVE AND A FOOL." "I CAN NO LONGER BLAME MY ACTIONS ON ANGEL" "AND LET HIM BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED." "YOUR BABY GIRL HAS FAULTS." "I CAN TRY AND TELL YOU IT WAS THE DRUGS," "BUT WE BOTH KNOW BETTER THAN THAT." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED." "AY IS THAT I'M SORRY THAT I'VE LED YOU TO BELIEVE S" "THAT I'M COMING HOME." "IT WAS WRONG OF ME TO INSPIRE HOPE" "WHERE I MYSELF HAVE NO HOPE." "Woman:" "YOUR MOTHER DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH TIME YOU HAVE?" "SHE KNOWS I HAVE 50 TO LIFE, BUT SHE THINKS THAT" "SOMETHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN AND I'LL BE COMING HOME." "ND I CAN'T " " I DON'T HAVE SOMETHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN THE HEART TO LAY IT DOWN TO HER" "AND SAY, NO, I'M NOT." "I THINK THAT ONE THING THAT'S IMPORTANT " "I KNOW I'VE TOLD YOU THIS BEFORE " "BUT I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT, YOU KNOW, HAVING A LONG SENTENCE" "TO ACCEPT, UH, THE POSSIBILITY" "THAT IT MIGHT BE A LONG SENTENCE." "YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT UNREASONABLE TO SAY," "WELL GEE, IT MIGHT BE A LONG TIME BEFORE I GET OUT OF HERE" "OR WHAT IF I NEVER GET OUT OF HERE, WHAT IF I DIE IN HERE," "YOU KNOW, ALL THOSE THINGS, I GO THROUGH THAT, TOO." "BUT I DON'T THINK" "THAT YOU SHOULD EVER SAY, "I HAVE NO HOPE."" "I'M NOT SAYING BY ANY MEANS YOU SHOULD WALK AROUND SAYING" ""WELL, GEE, TO GET OUT OF HERE TOMORROW."" "AND, YOU KNOW LIVING AS IF YOU KNOW THAT SOME GREAT MIRACLE" "IS GOING TO COME HAPPEN AND ALL OF THAT" "BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, KIDDING YOURSELF" "BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THROUGH THAT, TOO." "YOU KNOW, YEAH, WELL THIS IS ONLY FOR ANOTHER YEAR" "AND NOW IT'S LIKE 11 YEARS LATER AND IT'S LIKE OKAY," "WHEN IS THIS JOKE OVER, YOU KNOW?" "BUT JUST I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE NO HOPE," "YOU KNOW?" "Ensler:" "BUT I WANT TO ING ELSE THAT'S GOING ON," "BECAUSE WHAT YOU WROTE THERE IS BEAUTIFUL." "IT'S BEAUTIFUL." "BUT I WANT YOU TO TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED." "EVEN IF YOU NEVER SEND THIS LETTER," "YOU NEED TO TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED," "FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW, YOUR TRUTH." "YOU NEED TO SAY IT." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY TRUTH IS." "I GO FROM ONE THING OF BLAMING MY HUSBAND FOR EVERYTHING" "AND THEN I GO TO THE OTHER BLAMING MYSELF." "I HAVE NO IN BETWEEN -- I CAN'T FIND NO MIDDLE." "I SAY IT WAS THE DRUGS, I SAY IT WAS THE ABUSE," "AND I BLAME IT ALL ON HIM AND THEN I'LL GO TO," "IT'S MY FAULT, YOU WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH," "YOU DIDN'T STOP IT, AND I'LL GO TO THAT." "AND I NEVER HAD THE HEART TO TELL MY MOTHER IT MIGHT BE ME." "BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS ANYMORE." "THAT'S YOUR TRUTH, THAT YOU DON'T KNOW." "THERE IS NO OTHER TRUTH BUT WHERE YOU ARE." "Szlekovics:" "THIS PERSON'S LIFE, TO ME, IT WAS TAKEN IN VAIN." "Ensler:" "DO YOU REMEMBER THE ACTUAL DETAILS OF WHAT HAPPENED?" "MM-HMM." "Ensler:" "START THERE, START THERE." "Boudin:" "I FEEL LIKE I'VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN THE LAST," "I DON'T KNOW, 10 YEARS, 13 YEARS," "I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO SOUND COMPLETELY TRITE." "I THINK THE TRUTH IS COMPLICATED." "AND IT'S PROBABLY A MIX OF THINGS." "AND SO I KNOW FOR MYSELF, ONE DAY I'LL SAY IT'S MORE THIS," "AND ANOTHER DAY I'LL SAY IT'S MORE THIS," "AND WRITING IT DOWN HONESTLY HELPS." "IT'S ALMOST LIKE WHEN YOU WRITE IT," "THOSE WORDS CAN BECOME THAT TRUTH FOR THAT TIME," "AND YOU CAN FEEL THAT TRUTH AT THAT TIME." "AND PROBABLY IT IS DEFINITELY PART OF THE TRUTH." "SO IT'S GOING TO ALLOW YOU TO GO ON TO ANOTHER PART OF THE TRUTH." "Ensler:" "GO ALL THE WAY WITH" "YOU BEING A VICTIM, EXPLORE THAT." "GO ALL THE WAY WITH YOU BEING TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE," "EXPLORE THAT." "EVERY YEAR IT COMES AROUND, I'LL BEAT MYSELF UP" "AND SAY, YOU KNOW, RE-LIVE IT AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO." "I FEEL LIKE IF I DON'T REMEMBER THIS PERSON'S FACE," "I'M SAYING THAT HIS LIFE WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING." "IT'S SAD TO SAY, BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER HIM" "AND I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD, LIKE YOU HAVE TO," "YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHO THIS PERSON IS" "BECAUSE THEN YOU'RE NOT HONORING HIM." "THEN I'M TELLING MYSELF THAT HE WAS NOTHING," "WHEN THIS WAS A PERSON THAT HAD FAMILY " "YET, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN -- THAT WAS MY AGE." "AND I BEAT MYSELF UP OVER THAT A LOT." "AND I NEVER HAD THE HEART TO TELL MY MOTHER THAT," ""HEY, YOU KNOW I'M PARTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS."" "AND TO SOME POINT, I KNOW I HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY." "Ensler:" "I THINK ONE OF THE INTENSE THINGS ABOUT CRIME" "OR DOING A CRIME, IS A CRIME'S AN ABSOLUTE, BOTTOM-LINE THING." "MOST OF LIFE ISN'T." "MOST OF LIFE THERE'S THIS, THERE'S WEIRDNESS, THERE'S THIS," "YOU ARE MOTIVATED BY THIS, YOU'RE PULLED BY THIS," "BUT WHEN A MURDER HAPPENS," "IT'S AN ABSOLUTE, AND EVERYTHING GETS DETERMINED BY THAT." "BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THE TRUTH" "ISN'T STILL AMBIGUOUS AND COMPLEX" "JUST BECAUSE THERE'S A BOTTOM LINE THAT YOU'RE FACING." "Woman:" "WHEN I FIRST CAME, I COULDN'T DEAL AT ALL." "I COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN, I WAS IN DENIAL." "I WAS MEDICATED FROM AS SOON AS I HIT RIKER'S ISLAND" "I WAS MEDICATED DOWN -- I COULDN'T, I COULDN'T DEAL." "I WAS LIKE " " I WAS GONE, I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT." "I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED OR NOTHING." "I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID AND JUST, I JUST COULDN'T DEAL." "SO I CAN UNDERSTAND AND I COULDN'T DEAL WITH ME" "BECAUSE I WAS LIKE, NO, I DIDN'T DO THAT." "EVERYTHING WAS IN A CLOUD.?" "SO FOR, LIKE, 10 YEARS, 10 YEARS, IT REALLY TOOK FOR ME" "TO START WAKING UP, WAKING UP AND SAYING," ""OKAY, DONNA, LOOK AT DONNA, AT DONNA'S PART, OR WHATEVER."" "BUT I HAD TO WAKE UP ONE DAY AND SAY OKAY," "ENOUGH WITH THE WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY " " I CAN'T ANSWER ALL THAT." "YOU JUST GOT TO DEAL WITH WHATEVER YOU CAN, AND THAT'S IT." "YOU CAN'T TAKE SO MUCH ON BECAUSE IT JUST DOESN'T WORK." "IT DOESN'T." "I HAVE 50 TO LIFE, MOM." "AND IT'S TIME WE BOTH ACCEPTED IT." "THIS IS MY REALITY." "I MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES IN MY LIFE" "FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS." "I WAS IN LOVE AND A FOOL." "I CAN NO LONGER BLAME MY ACTIONS ON MY HUSBAND" "AND LET HIM SOLELY BE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED." "YOUR BABY GIRL HAS FAULTS." "I CAN TRY AND TELL YOU IT WAS THE DRUGS," "BUT WE BOTH KNOW BETTER THAN THAT." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED OR WHY I DID" "THE THINGS THAT I DID." "ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I'M SORRY THAT I LED YOU TO BELIEVE" "THAT I WILL BE COMING HOME SOON." "IT WAS WRONG OF ME TO INSPIRE HOPE" "WHERE I MYSELF HAVE NO HOPE." "Ensler:" "OKAY, SO LET'S GO ON." "A LETTER TE PERSON WHO KNOWS ME THE BEST," "OKAY, WE'RE ON PAGE 15." "CAN YOU READ THAT ONE, GLENN?" "UM, DEAR MOM, ON PAGE 17." "DEAR MOM, EVERYTHING I DO," "EVERY THOUGHT I MAKE," "IS BASED ON MY VICTIM." "I SEE HIS FACE EVERY DAY," "AND HE IS DEAD." "I LIVE FOR MY VICTIM." "AND I FEEL THE ONLY JUSTICE WILL BE WHEN GOD TAKES FROM ME" "WHAT I TOOK FROM HIM, WHICH IS LIFE." "I FEEL THERE IS NO EXCUSE." "SO JUST JUMP IN -- GO AHEAD." "THIS IS TO MY MOTHER-IN-LAW." "THIS IS THE MOTHE, BECAUSE MY REAL MOTHER " "WELL, WE'VE ALL HEARD THAT STORY." "DEAR MOM, I KNOW YOU BELIEVE IT WAS MY HEARTACHES AND PAIN" "THAT CAUSED ME TO DO DRUGS AND PROSTITUTE." "MOM, IT WAS EASY FOR ME TO USE THE PAIN" "TO DO ALL THE THINGS I DID." "THINKING OF THE SWEAT" "OF MY UNCLE ON MY FACE AS HE MOLESTED ME" "MADE IT EASY FOR ME TO BELIEVE I WAS A WHORE" "AND THAT THE ONLY WAY TO EVEN THE PAIN" "WAS TO MAKE MEN LITERALLY PAY." "I NEVER GREW UP UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE," "AND WHEN I DID, IT WAS IN A COURT ROOM," "LEARNING THE TRUTH" "OF WHAT I HAD ALLOWED MYSELF TO BELIEVE," "AND A MAN NOW WAS DEAD." "ANOTHER SICK MALE WHO THOUGHT PUSSY WAS A DRUG OF LIFE." "NOW AFTER THIS MAN IS DEAD," "BY MY HANDS," "I SEE A FATHER," "A GRANDFATHER, AND SOME WOMAN IN A WHEELCHAIR'S SON." "I REMEMBER STABBING HIM THREE TIMES." "A FORENSIC REPORT SAYS I STABBED THIS MAN 28 TIMES IN HIS THROAT." "ONLY THREE WOUNDS WERE FATAL," "OF DID I CONTINUE TO STAB A DEAD M" "EVERYTHING I DO, EVERY THOUGHT I MAKE," "IS BASED ON MY VICTIM." "I LIVE FOR MY VICTIM," "AND I FEEL THE ONLY JUSTICE TO HIS DEATH" "IS WHEN GOD TAKES FROM ME WHAT I TOOK FROM HIM," "WHICH IS LIFE." "FOR EVERY DAY I THINK I KILLED A 71-YEAR-OLD MAN," "A MAN WHO CAN NOT TRULY HARM ME." "A MAN WHO IN ONE MINUTE SAW AND RECEIVED ALL MY ANGER" "AND LOST WHAT WAS NOT MINE TO TAKE, HIS LIFE." "HE SHOULD NOT BE DEAD." "HE WAS NOT THE ONE WHO I WAS ANGRY AT." "HE WAS NOT THE ONE I WAS KILLING." "I DIDN'T SEE HIM," "I SAW EVERYONE WHO EVER HARMED ME." "MY MOTHER, MY UNCLE," "EVERY MAN THAT HAS KICKED ME IN THE HEART." "MOM, THE TRUTH IS," "I'GUILTY OF MY REFUSAL TO FACE SELF," "NOT GROW OUT OF THE WALLS OF MY PAIN." "THERE ARE DAYS I WISH MY NUMBER" "COULD PUNCH UP IN GOD'S COMPUTER" "SO I CAN STOP THE BLOOD STAIN ON MY HAND AND IN MY HEART" "AND I CAN STOP BEING HAUNTED EVERY DAY I LIVE." "LOVE, YOUR GOD-GIVEN DAUGHTER, CYNTHIA." "Ensler:" "DOES MURDER FEEL THAT FAR AWAY FROM PEOPLE" "AS A POSSIBLE THING THAT YOU WOULD DO?" "IN MY ACTOR'S MIND, I CAN IMAGINE IT." "I CAN IMAGINE IT -- I THINK OF IT IN PHYSICAL TERMS." "I THINK OF WHAT IT WOULD FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW." "I FIND IT HARD TO READ THIS" "AND REALLY FEEL WHAT SHE MUST BE FEELING." "I'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A WHILE." "SO HOW DO PEOPLE RESPOND?" "Smith:" "I THINK IT'S A PART OF YOUR HEALING PROCESS" "THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO SAY THAT HE WAS A FATHER," "THAT HE WAS A SON, THAT HE WAS " "HE WAS MORE THAN JUST SOMEBODY" "THAT YOU HAD SEX WITH THAT NIGHT." "Berry:" "BUT THE SIMPLE FACT IS," "HE HAS A NAME, HE HAS A FACE," "AND THAT LIVES WITH ME." "HE WAS 71 YEARS OLD, AND HIS MOTHER STILL LIVED." "I WATCHED HIS DAUGHTER CRY." "I LEARNED THAT WHEN HE MET ME" "THREE MONTHS BEFORE THIS HAPPENED," "HE HAD JUST LOST HIS WIFE." "HE WANTED TO BE WITH SOMEBODY" "BECAUSE HE WAS MOURNING THE LOSS OF A WOMAN HE'D STAYED WITH" "FOR 40 YEARS AND NOW WAS DEAD." "I DIDN'T SEE ALL THIS AT THE TIME." "ALL I SAW WAS THIS IS THIS DIRTY OLD MAN," "WHO WANT TO SPEND SOME MONEY " "OKAY, HERE WE GO THROUGH THE LITTLE RITUAL AGAIN." "Ensler:" "CAN I JUST GO BACK TO YOUR PIECE FOR A SECOND," "BECAUSE I THINK EVERYBODY IN THIS GROUP" "IS COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY, I MEAN JUST BLOWN AWAY." "FIRST OF ALL, IT'S, LIKE, HONEST AND TRUE" "AND I KNOW YOU'VE MADE DECISIONS." "Berry:" "THIS MAN IS DEAD BECAUSE OF WHAT I CHOSE." "I FEEL THAT UNTIL I BREATHE MY LAST BREATH," "I WILL NOT HAVE PEACE WITH MY VICTIM'S DEATH." "Ensler:" "I'M JUST GOING TO ASK YOU FOR A SECOND" "TO SAY YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE IS." "JUST SAY YOU DON'T KNOW." "BECAUSE I THINK SOMETIMES" "WHEN YOU GO TO NEW PLACES IN YOURSELF, NEW THINGS CAN HAPPEN." "DO YOU KNOW?" "AND MAYBE YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO NOT WANT TO BE HERE" "FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE -- YOU DON'T KNOW." "MAYBE YOU ARE, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW, WE DON'T KNOW." "I JUST WANT YOU TO ALLOW YOURSELF" "TO HAVE A PROCESS THAT YOU HAVEN'T PUT A LIMIT ON." "Clark:" "ONE OF THE THINGS I WAS THINKING ABOUT IS" "I ALWAYS READ THIS PIECE ON YOM KIPPUR," "WHICH IS THE JEWISH HOLIDAY THAT'S A DAY OF ATONEMENT," "AND IT'S WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ATONE FOR YOUR SINS." "AND THERE'S A SORT OF BOOK OF PRAYERS AND MEDITATIONS." "AND ONE OF THE MEDITATIONS THAT REALLY AFFECTED ME, YOU KNOW," "AND GOT ME TO A PLACE" "WHERE I WANTED TO WRITE A LETTER TO THE SURVIVORS" "OF THE MEN WHO WERE KILLED IN MY CRIME" "WAS THIS PIECE THAT WAS ACTUALLY ABOUT WHY" "JUDAISM WOULDN'T BE FOR THE DEATH PENALTY." "AND WHAT IT SAID IS THAT IT WOULD ROB PEOPLE" "OF THEIR NEED" "FOR THE PRODUCT OF WHATEVER ATONEMENT" "THAT AS LONG AS SO" "THERE IS HOPE THAT THEY WILL CHANGE" "AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY." "BUT IF YOU TAKE THAT AWAY, THEN YOU STOP THE PROCESS." "SO THAT'S WHAT I KEPT ON THINKING ABOUT." "THAT YOU'RE IN THIS PROCESS THAT GIVES TO MANY PEOPLE," "INCLUDING, I HAVE TO BELIEVE," "THE SURVIVORS OF YOUR VICTIM." "AND THAT'S SOME OF WHAT YOU OWE THEM, TOO." "YOU KNOW, THAT THERE'S MORE -- THERE'S MORE YOU HAVE TO GIVE." "Ensler:" "CYNTHIA, WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?" "RIGHT NOW, I, I REALLY DON'T." "I THINK I WENT THROUGH THAT" "SITUATION WHERE I DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE," "BECAUSE I HAD COMMITTED MY CRIME." "I KILLED MY MOTHER." "AND I DEPRIVED HER OF HER CHILDREN" "AND HER GRANDCHILDREN, AND HER GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN." "AND FOR SEVEN YEARS" "I JUST WANTED TO DIE" "AND GET IT OVER WITH." "AND THEN ONE DAY I WOKE UP AND SAID," "I THINK I WANT TO LIVE." "YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH WHAT DID, I CAN'T GO BACK," "BRING HER BACK TO LIFE OR CHANGE THE SITUATION." "BUT TODAY I WANT TO LIVE, YOU KNOW." "AND IT TOOK SEVEN YEARS TO GET THERE, YOU KNOW?" "JUST DOING IT ONE DAY AT A TIME." "IT WAS A STRUGGLE." "IT'S STILL IS A STRUGGLE" "BECAUSE I HAVE SISTERS AND BROTHERS STILL OUT THERE" "THAT ARE JUST SUDDENLY STARTING TO COME AROUND FOR ME," "AFTER SEVEN YEARS." "SO, YEAH, IT DOES TAKE TIME." "AND IT CAN HAPPEN." "I THINK I STARTED FEELING THIS " "WELL MY CRIME DATE WAS THIS MONTH." "SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY ABOUT," "AND, UM," "I AM, BUT I CAN NEVER TOTAYTHING" "BECAUSE IT'S LIKE NO MATTER WHAT I DO," "NO MATTER HOW MANY ACCOMPLISHMENTS," "MY ENDING SENTENCE" "AFTER ACTUALLY FEELING THE JOY OF IT IS," "BUT YOUR VICTIM'S DEAD." "HE AIN'T MOVING." "HE'S NOT GOING TO VISIT ANYBODY." "HE'S NOT GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BIRTHDAY" "THAT'S GOING TO BE CELEBRATED BY HIS FAMILY." "HE'S NOT GOING TO SEE HIS FAMILY ANYMORE." "HIS DESTINATION IS CUT AND DRY" "AND GONE AND THAT'S IT." "AND I GO ON, AND I HATE THAT." "AND BASICALLY, RIGHT NOW, IF IT WASN'T FOR THE FACT" "THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO CAUSE SOCIETY ANY MORE PAIN," "IF I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT MY KIDS, I WOULD DIE," "BECAUSE HE DESERVES ME TO BE DEAD." "Smith:" "BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOU ARE ALIVE." "YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO CHANGE YOURSELF" "AND TO CHANGE SOMEBODY ELSE'S LIFE" "SO THAT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN." "IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE," "IF YOU WANT TO ATONE FOR HIS DEATH," "YOU COULD THINK ABOUT DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT." "YOU CAN'T KEEP BEATING YOURSELF UP" "BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO BEAT YOURSELF UP" "AND BEAT YOURSELF UP AND THEN WHERE'S THE BIGGER PICTURE?" "WHAT'S THE BIGGER PICTURE?" "WE HAD A CONVERSATION TODAY." "YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO JOIN THE PUPPY PROGRAM." "REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU HOW IT MADE ME FEEL?" "YOU KNOW THIS ONLY THING IN HERE THAT REALLY MADE ME FEEL" "THAT I WAS DOING SOMETHING FOR SOCIETY," "ASIDE FROM MY OTHER WORK, WAS SOMETHING I WAS REALLY " "YOU KNOW TANGIBLE THAT I WAS GIVING BACK TO THEM," "TRAINING THESE GUIDE DOGS." "IF YOU KEEP BEATING YOURSELF UP," "YOU'RE GOING TO GET LOST IN THAT." "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET THERE, BECAUSE YOU'RE SO BUSY" "WORRYING ABOUT WHAT SHOULD HAVE, COULD HAVE BEEN." "IT'S DONE, THE MAN'S DEAD." "YOU KILLED HIM, GOD FORBID." "I KNOW YOU'RE SORRY, I KNOW YOU'RE MOURNFUL," "BUT LIFE GOES ON AND THAT'S HOW LIFE IS." "AND TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE," "YOU GOT TO THINK WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE?" "WHAT CAN I DO THAT THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ANYBODY ELSE?" "INK I TH" "I KILLED A 71-YEAR-OLD MAN," "A MAN WHO COULDN'T HAVE HARMED ME," "A MAN I DIDN'T WANT TO HARM," "A MAN WHO IN ONE MINUTE SAW" "AND RECEIVED ALL MY ANGER" "AND LOST WHAT WAS NOT MINE TO TAKE," "HIS LIFE." "MOM," "THE TRUTH IS" "I'M GUILTY OF MY REFUSAL TO FACE MYSELF," "TO NOT GROW OUT OF THE WALLS OF MY PAIN" "AND ALL THE CHOICES I MADE." "THE TRUTH IS," "I KILLED HIM" "AND FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE," "THAT TRUTH WILL HAUNT ME." "I WILL NEVER BELIEVE" "THERE IS AN EXPLANATION OR REASON" "FOR WHAT I'VE DONE" "UNTIL MY LAST BREATH LEAVES MY BODY," "LIKE MY VICTIM'S DID." "WHAT I WANT MY WORDS TO DO TO YOU." "I WANT MY WORDS TO FRACTURE THE IMAGES IN YOUR HEAD" "AND LEAVE MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS." "I WANT MY WORDS TO TURN EVERYTHING UPSIDE DOWN." "I WANT THEM TO INVITE YOU IN, OPEN UP A DIALOG," "DISRUPT YOUR DAY." "I WANT THEM TO LEAVE YOU WONDERING" "WHY TWO MILLION PEOPLE IN AMERICA TODAY ARE LOCKED UP." "I WANT TO LEAVE YOU DISSATISFIED" "WITH SIMPLE EXPLANATIONS AND ROTE ASSUMPTIONS," "THIRSTY FOR COMPLEXITY" "AND THE DEEP DISCOMFORT OF AMBIGUITY." "I WANT TO MAKE YOU LAUGH." "I WANT TO MAKE YOU CRY." "I WANT TO MAKE YOU WONDER ABOUT YOUR OWN PRISONS." "I WANT YOU TO ASK WHY." "Ensler:" "DO YOU FEEL LIKE THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF KIND THINGS" "DONE IN YOUR LIVES?" "LIKE PEOPLE HAVE RECEIVED A LOT OF KINDNESS?" "Smith:" "I THINK COMING TO PRISON I'VE RECEIVED MORE KINDNESS" "IN MY LIFE THAN I EVER RECEIVED AT ALL." "I MEAN, I'VE MET PEOPLE HERE" "THAT, I MEAN, HAVE BEEN JUST EXTRAORDINARY." "INMATES AND CIVILIANS." "YOU APPRECIATE IT MORE BECAUSE OUT THERE" "YOU'RE JUST SO BLIND TO EVERYTHING GOING AROUND YOU" "THAT YOU DON'T NOTICE WHEN SOMEBODY'S REACHING OUT TO YOU," "YOU DON'T EVEN CARE." "Hylton:" "IT'S HARD FOR ME." "I MEAN I'VE HAD ACTS OF KINDNESS IN MY LIFE," "BUT IT'S HARD FOR ME TO ACCEPT IT AND RELATE TO IT" "BECAUSE I STILL DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M WORTHY ENOUGH" "FOR SOMEBODY TO TREAT ME NICE." "Ensler:" "WELL, I ALSO THINK THAT IF YOU'RE USED TO" "HAVING THINGS BE CRUEL, IF YOU'VE BEEN SUFFERING" "AND SUFFERING AND SUFFERING AND MANAGING IT" "AND YOU'RE CONTAINING IT AND YOU'RE HOLDING IT," "AND THEN SOMEONE COMES ALONG AND GOES LIKE THIS," "YOUR WHOLE SYSTEM COMPLETELY FALLS APART." "SO KINDNESS CAN BE VERY DISTURBING" "IF YOU'VE MANAGED YOUR LIFE WITHOUT IT FOR A LONG TIME." "WHO WANTS TO GO NEXT?" "ROS, DO YOU WANT TO GO?" "HE CAME ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER GUESTS TO HEAR US SPEAK" "ABOUT OUR INY BEHIND BARS PR OGRAM." "IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SUNNY DAY." "I INVITED HIM AND HIS WIFE, A VERY BEAUTIFUL ASIAN WOMAN," "TO MY CELL TO SEE HOW THORNTON AND I SHARED A ROOM." ""OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL COMBINATION OF COLORS,"" "HIS WIFE BLURTED OUT AS SOON AS SHE ENTERED." ""THANK YOU, I SAID," HAPPY THAT SHE APPRECIATED MY STYLE" "IN DECORATING MY CELL PURPLE AND GOLD." "I PROCEEDED TO SHOW THEM PICTURES OF THORNTON ON VISITS" "WITH MY DAUGHTER." "HE THEN BEGAN TO ASK ME A STRING OF QUESTIONS ABOUT ME," "NOT THE DOG, NOT THE PROGRAM, BUT ME." ""HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?" ""HOW DO THE OTHER INMATES LIVE?" ""LIVING HERE MUST BE VERY DIFFERENT." ""YOUR DAUGHTER, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL." ""WHEN WILL YOU GO HOME?" "HOW DO YOU COPE DAY-TO-DAY?"" "I ANSWERED ALL OF HIS QUESTIONS WHILST PLUGGING IN" "HOW THORNTON, MY PUPPY, HAS HELPED ME COPE" "BY LOVING HIM AND CARING FOR HIM," "HE GIVES ME A PURPOSE AND A REASON TO KEEP ON GOING." "HIS WIFE WAS TEARY EYED." "AND I WAS JUST BLABBING NOW." "HOW WONDERFUL IT IS TO HAVE RAISED A PUPPY," "HOW GREAT AN OPPORTUNITY THIS PROGRAM IS FOR ME" "TO GIVE BACK SOMETHING TANGIBLE TO SOCIETY." "THEN HE JUST WALKS OUT OF MY CELL AND DOWN THE CORRIDOR." "I THOUGHT MAYBE HE WANTED TO SEE THE OTHER ROOMS," "AND WE FOLLOWED." "AND HE SLOWLY WALKS TOWARDS US." "AS HE APPROACHES, I CAN SEE HE IS CRYING," "AND HIS SOBBING GROWS AS HE REACHES US." "I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS OKAY." "AND HIS WIFE COMFORTS HIM." "AND HE IS REALLY CRYING, A GUT-WRENCHING SOB." "I'M CONFUSED AND ASK AGAIN, "ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?"" "HE GRABS ME IN AN ENORMOUS BEAR HUG" "AND SQUEEZES ME REAL TIGHT WHILE SAYING," ""YOU ARE SO COURAGEOUS," "YOU ARE SO COURAGEOUS."" "I'M MORE DISORIENTED NOW." "COURAGEOUS, FOR WHAT?" "THEN IT HITS ME." "HE'S FEELING SORRY FOR ME, FOR US," "FOR HAVING TO ENDURE PRISON." "AND I'M A BIT MAD AND A BIT FLATTERED." "WHAT A SENSITIVE HUMAN BEING." "WHAT COMPASSION IN THIS SOUL." "I'M TOUCHED." "I'M ASHAMED FOR BEING PITIED." "I FEEL SO EMPTY AND WORTHLESS." "DOES HE THINK SO LITTLE OF ME TO FEEL PITY," "OR IS IT THAT HE THINKS SO MUCH OF HIMSELF?" "OR IS IT THAT" "HE'S JUST A SENSITIVE AND COMPASSIONATE MAN?" "Perez:" "SO THEY LET PUPPIES IN THE " "THEY TRAIN THE SEEING-EYE DOGS." "THEY WORK WITH THEM." "THEY TRAIN THEM IN THE PRISON?" "YEAH, BUT OF COURSE THEN THEY GET TAKEN AWAY." "THERE'S NOTHING THAT H" "THAT DOESN'T GET TAKEN AWAY." "THINK ABOUT THIS, KATHY BOUDIN" "WHEN THEY STARTED THE DOG PROGRAM" "HAD NOT SEEN A DOG IN 20 YEARS." "AND WHEN SHE SAW THE DOG," "SHE DROPPED TO HER KNEES AND STARTED WEEPING." "SO, PET A DOG OR NOT PET A DOG." "PET A DOG FOR THREE MONTHS OR A YEAR" "OR NEVER PET A DOG?" "PICKED PET A DOG." "OF COURSE SHE" "EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE." "Ensler:" "SO WHAT DID YOU DECIDE?" "I DECIDED THAT HE WAS SENSITIVE AND COMPASSIONATE," "AND I'LL NEVER FORGET HIM." "I MEAN, I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT OF TIMES" "AND I JUST SAY, YOU KNOW," "IF THERE WAS MORE PEOPLE LIKE HIM IN THE WORLD," "IT WOULD BE A BETTER WORLD -- HE CHANGED MY LIFE." "Smart:" "YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE PIECE," "UM, THAT YOUR REACTION TO HIM CRYING" "WAS YOU KIND OF SHUT DOWN," "AND IT WAS ALMOST LIKE PSYCHOLOGICALLY YOU WERE SAYING," ""NO, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT ME."" "WE DO THAT A LOT." "IT'S LIKE SOMETIMES I SEE PEOPLE IN HERE" "AND SOMEBODY WILL LITERALLY REALLY FEEL VERY SORRY FOR THEM," "AND THE INMATE WHO IS HAVING THE PROBLEM WILL SAY," ""OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, OH, IT'S NOT THAT BAD," "I'M GOING TO BE OKAY."" "OR, "OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME."" "BUT IT'S OKAY FOR PEOPLE TO FEEL SORRY SOMETIMES" "FOR OTHER PEOPLE." "Smith:" "BUT WHAT IT WAS THAT MADE ME SO CONFUSED IS BECAUSE" "I'M FEELING THE PITY THING AND I'M LIKE," "HE SHOULDN'T BE PITYING ME," "YOU KNOW, THE VICTIM DESERVES TO BE PITIED." "I DON'T DESERVE THAT PITY." "Ensler:" "BUT I THINK IT'S THE BIG QUESTION." "ARE YOU ALLOWED TO BE LOVED IF YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING BAD?" "AND HOW COMPLICATED IT IS." "AND HOW MANY DETERMINATIONS PEOPLE MAKE ALL THE TIME THAT" "IF YOU'VE DONE A BAD DEED, THEN SUDDENLY EVERYTHING" "SHOULD BE WITHDRAWN FROM YOU." "BUT THAT'S WHAT OUR PRISON SYSTEM DOES TO US." "THAT'S WHAT, YOU KNOW, WHAT HAPPENS." "YOU CAN'T BE WITH YOUR KIDS, YOU CAN'T BE WITH YOUR FAMILY," "YOU CAN'T BE WITH YOUR LOVED ONES, EVERYTHING IS, LIKE," "YOU'RE BEING PUNISHED, YOU'RE BEING TAKEN OUT OF SOCIETY" "AND YET WITHIN THE PRISON YOU'RE BEING PUNISHED" "FOR EVERYTHING ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS." "THAT'S WHAT THE PRISON SYSTEM IN AMERICA IS ALL ABOUT." "Clark:" "IT'S FUNNY, THE THING THAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT," "LIKE, I DON'T LOVE THE CHOICE BETWEEN PITY" "AND YOU ARE SO COURAGEOUS." "AND I THINK THAT, WHERE YOU ENDED UP ABOUT THE GUY," "HE ACTUALLY WAS NEITHER PITYING YOU NOR WAS HE PUTTING YOU" "ON THAT PEDESTAL." "AND I THINK WE'RE TRYING TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THE OTHER THING" "OF SORT OF SAYING WE ARE THIS RESPONSIBLE, YOU KNOW," "FEEL THAT TERRIBLE ABOUT WHAT WE'VE DONE." "WE WILL NEVER BE WITHOUT THE BURDEN OF" "THE LOSSES OF LIFE THAT MANY OF US ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR," "AND YET, WE REALLY DO WANT TO GO ON." "AND IT SEEMS LIKE WE" "WANT TO GET TO A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN HOLD BOTH THOSE THINGS" "AT THE SAME TIME." "CAN I TRACE THIS 1 1/2-INCH LONG LUMP OF SMOOTH," "HONEY-COLORED FLESH ON MY LEFT TEMPLE" "AND EXTRACT FROM IT ALL THE SECRETS IT HOLDS," "OF A TIME AND A PLACE THAT IS LONG FORGOTTEN IN MEMORY," "YET EVER PRESENT PHYSICALLY?" "WILL MY STORY HELP YOU SEE ME AS I AM NOW" "INSTEAD OF WHAT I WAS THEN?" "WELL IT HELP YOU UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE CHANGES FOR ME" "AS IT DOES FOR YOU?" "OR WILL IT REMAIN A SCAR ON YOUR CONSCIENCE," "TO REMIND YOU OF SOMEONE YOU WANT TO FORGET?" "Smith:" "I MEAN SO MUCH TRANSFORMATION GOES ON" "BEHIND THESE WALLS" "THAT A LOT OF THE OUTSIDE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND" "HOW PEOPLE REINVENT THEIR SELVES," "HOW THEY BECOME AWARE OF THINGS THEY WEREN'T EVEN AWARE OF" "BEFORE THEY GOT HERE." "IT CREATES NEW PEOPLE, AND WE'RE NOT THE SAME PEOPLE" "THAT CAME IN HERE 10, 15, 20 YEARS AGO." "Ensler:" "OKAY, I HAVE AN IDEA, I WANT TO GO AROUND THE CIRCLE." "I WANT EVERY PERSON TO SAY ONE THING" "THAT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU" "SINCE THE DAY YOU WALKED IN HERE." "JUST ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT." "OKAY, WHO WANTS TO START?" "MY BEHAVIOR." "Ensler:" "DESCRIBE." "WELL, I USED TO LET PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME." "AND I NEVER KNEW HOW TO SAY NO." "AND NOW I CAN SAY NO ANDLTY." "Hylton:" "I UNDERSTAND NOW THAT" "WANTING FRIENDS AND WANTING TO BE ACCEPTED," "I MEAN, PLAYED A BIG PART ON WHY I'M HERE." "YOU KNOW, SEEKING ACCEPTANCE, FRIENDSHIP," "SOME KIND OF LOVE OR WHATEVER, I MEAN, I KNOW NOW" "THAT IT'S OKAY FOR IT TO COME TO ME AND FOR ME NOT TO GO OUT" "AND JUST LOOKING FOR IT" "AND TRYING TO GET IT AND BUY IT AND WHATEVER," "HAVE SEX FOR IT OR WHATEVER." "JUST LET IT COME TO ME AND WHEN IT COMES TO ME," "THEN IT'S MORE REAL -- I CAN " "IT'S SOMETHING I CAN HOLD ON TO, IT'S TANGIBLE." "FOR ME IT'S FEELINGS." "WHEN I WAS OUT THERE, I ALWAYS ESCAPED WHO I WAS." "WHETHER IT WAS DOING DRUGS, PROSTITUTION," "I NEVER WANTED TO FEEL, I NEVER WANTED TO CONNECT." "IN HERE I ALLOW MYSELF TO FEEL, I ALLOW MYSELF TO OPEN UP." "AND MOST OF ALL THE THINGS I ALLOW MYSELF TO FEEL ABOUT ME," "SO NOW SINCE I FEEL ABOUT ME, I CAN FEEL FOR OTHERS." "Ensler:" "THAT'S WONDERFUL." "FOR ME IT'S HONESTY." "BEFORE I CAME HERE I WAS SO AFRAID TO BE WHO I WAS" "BECAUSE I DIDN'T " "NUMBER ONE I DIDN'T KNOW WHO THAT WAS AND NUMBER TWO" "I TRIED TO BE WHOEVER ANYBODY ELSE WANTED ME TO BE." "LEARNING THAT TO BE HONEST WITH WHO I AM" "HAS TOTALLY CHANGED MY LIFE." "FOR ME IT HAS BEEN MY EDUCATION." "I TRULY DIDN'T HAVE A CARE IN THE WORLD" "FOR SEEKING FURTHER EDUCATION ONCE I FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL." "AND MY VIEWS ON EDUCATION HAVE CHANGED A LOT." "I WANT TO LEARN EVERY DAY, EVERY MINUTE, EVERY SECOND." "IT DOESN'T MATTER." "I DON'T REALLY WANT TO ANSWER BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER" "BECAUSE I'M NEVER GETTING OUT OF HERE." "SO WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?" "Ensler:" "YOU KNOW IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE, PAM, COME ON." "WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?" "Ensler:" "THE QUESTION WAS, ONE THING THAT'S DIFFERENT" "SINCE YOU GOT HERE." "I DON'T KNOW." "I MEAN, I WAS GOING TO SAY MY ATTITUDE," "BUT RIGHT NOW I JUST GOT ONE" "SO I GUESS THAT HASN'T CHANGED TOO MUCH." "Ensler:" "WELL, HOW IS YOUR ATTITUDE GENERALLY CHANGED?" "WELL, ACTUALLY MY ATTITUDE HAS CHANGED TOWARDS OTHER PEOPLE," "BUT IT'S ALSO CHANGED TOWARDS MYSELF." "SO IT CHANGED POSITIVELY TOWARD OTHER PEOPLE" "AND NEGATIVELY TOWARD MYSELF." "SO, UM." "Ensler:" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" "I MEAN THAT I HAVE A LOT MORE PATIENCE WITH OTHER PEOPLE" "THAN I HAD BEFORE I CAME TO PRISON," "PROBABLY FROM BEING A TEACHER SO MUCH IN HERE" "AND WORKING WITH OTHER WOMEN WHO HAVE NO PATIENCE WITH THEMSELVES" "SO THAT I HAVE TO HAVE PATIENCE FOR BOTH OF US." "AND I NEVER HAD THAT BEFORE." "BUT AS FAR AS NEGATIVELY TOWARDS MYSELF," "I JUST USED TO ALWAYS HAVE, YOU KNOW, A SUNNY DISPOSITION" "ABOUT MY OWN HOPES AND DREAMS AND STUFF LIKE THAT." "AND NOW I FEEL MORE NEGATIVE ABOUT WHAT MY FUTURE HOLDS" "THAN I DID BEFORE MY INCARCERATION." "I FEEL MAD AND I FEEL SAD ABOUT IT" "WHEN I THINK ABOUT MY FUTURE, SO I DON'T REALLY THINK ABOUT IT." "Szlekovics:" "FOR ME IT'S THAT I HAVE CHOICES." "BEFORE COMING HERE I FELT LIKE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY CHOICES," "THAT WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME I HAD NO CONTROL OF." "BUT NOW I KNOW I HAD CHOICES AND I JUST DIDN'T SEE THEM." "Ensler:" "THAT'S WONDERFUL, MONICA." "I GUESS FOR ME IT'S, UM," "WHEREAS I USED TO LOOK AT CONFLICT" "AND SORT OF HAVING TO FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT OF A CONFLICT," "OR RESOLVE IT BY ONE'S RIGHT AND ONE IS WRONG," "AND SO YOU FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT." "NOW I SORT OF SAY IF THERE'S A CONFLICT," "IF I CAN UNDERSTAND THE OTHER PERSON FROM THEIR PLACE," "AND I DON'T KNOW JUST FEEL THAT RATHER THAN" "GET ALL RILED UP." "Boudin:" "I THINK FOR ME BEING PART OF A COMMUNITY" "INSTEAD OF FEELING VERY ISOLATED HAS HELPED ME CONNECT TO PEOPLE" "IN A DEEP WAY." "SO PEOPLE CAN CHANGE IN PRISON." "YEAH, DEFINITELY." "Ensler:" "WHAT HIT YOU?" "Smart:" "I JUST FEEL SORRY FOR EVERYBODY" "BECAUSE IT'S LIKE I WANT EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW" "ABOUT EVERYBODY TO MATTER TO PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF HERE," "BUT A PART OF ME KNOWS THAT FOR SO MANYEOPLE" "IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER AND IT JUST MAKES ME SAD." "I DON'T KNOW, IT'S -- DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT I MEAN?" "Boudin:" "PART OF ME FEELS LIKE WE LIVE HERE" "AND I JUST FEEL LIKE WE'RE ABLE TO GIVE EACH OTHER A LOT." "Ensler:" "DO WHAT?" "WE'RE ABLE TO DO A LOT WITH EACH OTHER" "AND, YOU KNOW, MAYBE THAT'S LIKE A RESIGNED WAY" "OF LOOKING AT THINGS, BUT I FEEL LIKE" "I'VE BEEN HERE " " YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN IN PRISON FOR 20 YEARS." "AND I FEEL LIKE I DON'T LOOK AT, LIKE, THIS ISN'T REAL." "I FEEL LIKE OUR RELATIONSHIPS, THE FRIENDSHIPS," "THE WORK WE DO, THE WAY THAT WE HELP EACH OTHER," "IT'S REAL." "IT'S NOT THAT REALITY IS OUTSIDE." "WE'RE JUST AS REAL AS THE OUTSIDE." "AND HOW WE ARE WITH EACH OTHER," "YOU BEING A TEACHER," "KEILA WORKING WITH THE CHILDREN IN THE CHILDREN CENTER," "A LOT OF US WORKING IN THE PARENTING CENTER," "HELPING MOTHERS WITH THEIR KIDS." "AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE DON'T WANT TO GO HOME," "AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAVEN'T CHANGED," "IT'S REAL, THIS IS OUR LIFE RIGHT NOW." "Close:" "HI, HOW ARE YOU?" "WE KNOW HOW TO SIGN IN." "YOUR NAME, MA'AM?" "WHO ELSE DIDN'T I GET IN THE BACK OF THIS LINE?" "I'VE GOT YOU, RIGHT?" "SAVOR MY WORDS" "LIKE A SUCCULENT FORKFUL OF FILET MIGNON." "LET MY WORDS LOITER ON YOUR PALATE" "AND UNITE WITH YOUR SALIVA" "OF DIGESTION." "SLOWLY MASTICATE WHILE TRANSFORMING THEM" "INTO SOMETHING OTHER THAN WHAT THEY STARTED AS," "SWIRL THEM THROUGHOUT YOUR MOUTH," "BACK AND FORTH, BACK AND FORTH," "EMBRACE THE CHANGE OF TEXTURES." "I WANT MY WORDS TO BE PROPHETIC FODDER" "THAT TRANSCENDS RACE, CLASS, AND GENDER." "LET A FEW STRANDS LINGER BEFORE YOU SWALLOW," "WHILE ALLOWING OTHERS TODGED IN THE SMALLEST SPACES" "AMID YOUR TEETH." "I TAKE 26 PILLS TWO TIMES A DAY." "IT USUALLY TAKES 15 MINUTES AT THE WINDOW" "TO FIND ALL OF MY MEDICATIONS," "WHICH CAUSES, HA HA, THOSE BEHIND ME TO MOAN" "AND SAY THINGS LIKE, "HOW MANY MORE?"" ""ARE YOU FINISHED YET?"" ""COME ON, WE HAVE TO GO EAT."" "IN THE BEGINNING," "I USED TO GET UPSET WHEN THEY SAID THESE THINGS TO ME." "NOW I TURN AROUND AND SAY, "HA HA HA," "I'M IN FRONT OF YOU."" "[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]" "I TAKE THESE THREE LARGE GEL CAPS," "TWO IRON PILLS," "ONE STOOL SOFTENER," "SIX PAIN RELIEVERS," "FOUR HEART PILLS," "THREE VITAMINS," "FIVE BLOOD REGULATORS," "TWO MUSCLE RELAXERS," "AND TWO EYE PRESSURE PILLS." "ALL THIS TAKES ABOUT FIVE MINUTES." "NO ONE," "AND I MEAN NO ONE," "CAN COME UP TO THE WINDOW UNTIL I'M FINISHED." "[ APPLAUSE ]" "A LETTER I IMAGINED MY CHILD" "WRITING TO ME." "DEAR MOM," "ONE DAY WHEN I WAS FIVE" "YOU CALLED ME ON THE PHONE." "I WAS EXCITED BECAUSE JUST THAT LAST WEEK" "YOU PROMISED ME A BICYCLE WITH TWO WHEELS," "LIKE THE BIG GIRLS HAD." "AND WHEN I QUESTIONED YOU AND ASKED YOU" "WAS YOU COMING HOME TO TAKE ME TO TOYS "R" US," "YOU REPLIED THAT YOU COULDN'T AT THAT MOMENT" "BUT THAT YOU WOULD AS SOON AS YOU COULD." "GUESS WHAT, MOM." "I'M STILL WAITING FOR THAT BICYCLE." "WHEN GRADUATIONS, PLAYS, FAMILY," "AND SCHOOL TRIPS COME AROUND," "EVERYBODY ELSE'S MOTHER WAS THERE BUT YOU WASN'T." "I WANT TO BE WITH YOU SO MUCH THAT I BEEN THINKING" "THAT WHEN I'M 16, I COULD COMMIT A CRIME LIKE YOU DID" "SO I COULD BE IN BEDFORD HILLS WITH YOU." "YOU WOULD HAVE A HEART ATTACK, RIGHT, MOM?" "DON'T WORRY, I'M GOING TO TRY AND MAKE YOU PROUD OF ME" "AND STAY OUT OF THOSE TYPES OF PLACES." "I LIVED THE DOUBLE LIFE OF A GIRL" "WHO ACHIEVED HONORS IN SCHOOL," "VOLUNTEERED FOR THE COMMUNITY," "AND WORKED HARD IN THE CHURCH," "AND..." "A REBELLIOUS, HURT," "INSECURE TEEN" "WHO DRANK, SMOKED, GOT HIGH," "LIED, STOLE FROM YOU," "NOT TRULY BEING KNOWN BY ANYONE." "IT GAVE ME A SENSE OF FREEDOM." "I WAS FREE TO CHANGE MY IMAGE" "ACCORDING TO WHAT I BELIEVED OTHERS WOULD BE ATTRACTED TO." "YET MY OWN MYSTERY LOCKED ME IN HELL." "I SEE MYSELF DRIVING THAT CAR," "BRINGING AN UNWILLING MAN TO A PLACE UNKNOWN," "TO ME." "BRINGING AN UNWILLING MAN TO A PLACE UNKNOWN, BUT" "I SEE MYSELF STANDING IN THE DOORWAY WATCHING," "LISTENING, AS MY PARTNERS IN CRIME," "PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY ABUSE A MAN," "A MAN WHO HAS NO NAME, NO FACE," "A MAN I WAS TOLD TO ACKNOWLEDGE" "ONLY AS THE BIRD." "IF ONLY." "IF ONLY HE COULD HAVE" "FLOWN AWAY TO SAFETY." "I COULD THANK THE WOMAN" "WHO DID NOT HAVE TO STAY AROUND AFTER I LEFT HER SON," "BUT DID AND BECAME THE MOTHER I NEVER HAD." "I COULD THANK THE TWO WOMEN" "WHO, AFTER SIX YEARS OF INCARCERATION," "MADE ME FEEL LIKE I HAD REAL FRIENDS I COULD TRUST." "I COULD THANK THE WOMEN WHO HAVE" "GIVEN ME A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT," "THROUGH SEEKING THE ROAD ALONG THE JOURNEY I TRAVELED." "IT IS THE HUMAN KINDNESS OF SO MANY THAT HAS TOUCHED ME." "NO WORDS, NO WRITTEN PIECES," "CAN EXPLAIN THEIR CHARACTER" "AND THE CREDIT DUE THEM ALL." "THEY ENCOURAGED ME TO LIVE." "THEY GAVE ME WAYS TO FIND LOVE," "TO BRING ALIVE THE LIFE" "THAT WAS ONCE DYING INSIDE OF ME." "MY WORDS ARE ON A VOYAGE COMBINING WITH ALL THAT YOU ARE" "AND WILL DEVEL INTO," "YOUR ESSENCE, YOUR BEING, AND YOUR LIFE." "MY WORDS WILL MINGLE WITH AND TANTALIZE YOUR DAYS," "EXTRACT TRACE ELEMENTS NEEDED FOR THE ALTERATION" "OF YOUR MIND." "LET MY WORDS CONGEAL IN YOUR BOWELS" "BEFORE YOU EXCRETE THEM INTO A WASTELAND" "FOREVER TO BE MISPLACED." "YET DO KEEP IN MIND," "THAT MY WORDS ARE THE SUSTENANCE" "FOR THE MECHANISM OF CHANGE THROUGHOUT YOUR BEING." "SO, I MEEKLY REQUEST," "THAT WHAT YOU JUST PARTOOK OF," "WHETHER IT WAS SCRUMPTIOUS OR RANCID," "THAT YOU PASS THE PLATE" "AND LET OTHERS PARTAKE OF THE BANQUET." "[ APPLAUSE ]" "Boudin:" "WHEN I WALK OUT OF THE PRISON GATE," "I WILL GENTLY TOUCH THE AIR THAT SURROUNDS ME LIKE A SHAWL." "I AM WITH MY CHILD IN FREEDOM," "REUNION WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS" "WHO HAVE LIVED THESE DECADES WITH ME." "TOGETHER WITH THEM, I STEP INTO A NEW LIFE," "FILLED WITH UNCERTAINTIES," "THE UNCHARTED WATERS OF FREEDOM" "THAT WE ALL WAIT FOR AND DO NOT KNOW REALLY WHAT IT MEANS." "THIS WILL BE A VOYAGE OF CELEBRATION, OF SURVIVAL," "OF GIFTS OF FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE," "OF A WEIGHT LIFTED, OF A NEW DAY." "YET, I HAVE ANOTHER JOURNEY TO MAKE." "I MUST CROSS THAT RIVER OF SORROW INTO THE PAST," "WHERE THE FLAMES BURN WITH SPIRITS." "I WILL APPROACH AND LOOK FOR YOUR FACES" "TO FIND YOUR EYES AND LOOK DIRECTLY AT YOU," "TO GO BACK AGAIN TO THAT DAY," "TO KNEEL AT THE PLACE WHERE I LAY ON THE GROUND," "TO RETRACE MY STEPS," "TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR GHOSTS HAUNT ME," "TO WAIL WITH THE FLAMES." "OH, IF I COULD ONLY REPLAY THAT DAY," "I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THERE, I WOULD NOT HAVE GONE," "I WOULD NOT HAVE MY HANDS IN ANY WAY" "TOUCHING THE TRAGEDY OF THAT DAY." "MY JOURNEY CANNOT BE TAKEN WITHOUT FACING YOUR EYES" "AND THOSE OF YOUR LOVED ONES," "WHO WENT ON WITH THEIR LIVES WITHOUT YOU." "IF ONLY THERE WERE A PLACE" "WHERE THE LIVING AND THE DEAD COULD MEET" "TO TELL THEIR TALES, TO WEEP," "I WOULD REACH FOR YOU," "NOT SO THAT YOU COULD FORGIVE ME," "BUT SO THAT YOU COULD KNOW" "THAT I HAVE NO PRIDE FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE," "ONLY THE WISDOM AND REGRET THAT CAME TOO LATE." "MY NAME IS DONNA HYLTON." "I'M SERVING A 25 TO LIFE SENTENCE FOR MURDER." "I'M 37 YEARS OLD." "I'M A NURSE'S AIDE IN BEDFORD HILLS CORRECTIONAL FACILITY," "AND I'M WORKING ON MY MASTERS." "HI, MY NAME IS ANNA SANTANA, I'M 23 YEARS OLD." "I'M SERVING 15 TO LIFE FOR MURDER TWO." "I'M A STUDENT IN CAREER DEVELOPMENT." "MY NAME IS NORA MORAN." "I'M SERVING A 10 TO 20 SENTENCE FOR ARMED ROBBERY." "I WORK IN THE PRE-RELEASE TRANSITIONAL SERVICES OFFICE" "AS A PEER COUNSELOR." "MY NAME'S MONICA SZLEKOVICS, I'M 25 YEARS OLD." "I'M DOING A 50 TO LIFE SENTENCE FOR SECOND DEGREE MURDER," "FIRST DEGREE ASSAULT, AND KIDNAPPING." "AND I'M THE ASAT CLERK," "ALCOHOL AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE TREATMENT PROGRAM." "MY NAME IS ROSLYN SMITH." "I'M SERVING TWO CONSECUTIVE SENTENCES" "OF 25 TO LIFE FOR SECOND DEGREE MURDER." "AND I WORK IN THE PARENTING CENTER." "MY NAME IS BETSY RAMOS, I'M SERVING 15 TO LIFE" "FOR MANSLAUGHTER IN THE SECOND DEGREE," "AND I'M A COORDINATOR" "AT THE NETWORK PROGRAM HERE AT BEDFORD HILLS." "MY NAME IS KATHY BOUDIN." "I'M SERVING A SENTENCE OF 20 TO LIFE" "FOR SECOND DEGREE MURDER." "I WORK IN THE PARENTING CENTER WITH MOTHERS AND THEIR CHILDREN." "MY NAME IS CYNTHIA BERRY, I'M 37 YEARS OLD." "I'M SERVING A 25 TO LIFE SENTENCE" "FOR SECOND DEGREE MURDER." "I'M A PEER COUNSELOR" "AT PRE-RELEASE TRANSITIONAL SERVICES IN BEDFORD HILLS." "I'M ALSO A COLLEGE STUDENT." "MY NAME IS BETTY HARRIS." "I'M SERVING 8 1/3 TO 25 FOR MANSLAUGHTER." "I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT." "MY NAME IS JUDITH CLARK." "I'M SERVING A SENTENCE OF 75 TO LIFE" "FOR THREE COUNTS OF SECOND DEGREE MURDER." "I WORK IN THE PARENTING CENTER WITH THE NURSERY MOTHERS" "AND PRENATAL CLASSES." "MY NAME IS KEILA PULINARIO." "I'M SERVINTENCE" "FOR SECOND DEGREE MURDER." "I AM A CAREGIVER IN THE CHILDREN CENTER" "AND I'M ALSO A COLLEGE STUDENT." "MY NAME IS PAMELA SMART," "AND I'M SERVING A LIFE SENTENCE" "WITHOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF PAROLE" "FOR BEING AN ACCOMPLICE IN A FIRST DEGREE MURDER CASE." "AND I WORK AS A TUTOR AND A TEACHER" "IN THE PRISON SCHOOL PROGRAMS HERE."