"* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear the same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang, m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at the Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at The Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Saucy flappers in cloche hats" "* Natty chappies in white spats" "* The upper set is going bats" "You rang, m'lord?" "Look at the time." "I should be getting on with the dinner." "What are they having tonight?" "Mulligatawny soup and roast duck." "I've never had duck." "What's it taste like?" "A bit like goose." "I've never had a goose either." "I expect Mrs Lipton'll give you a few bones to take home." "Mm, that'd be nice." "I enjoyed that cup of tea." "Shall I tell your fortune?" " Can you, Ivy?" " Oh, yes." "It's years since anyone told my fortune in the tea leaves." "My old man used to tell mine years ago." "I suppose he can't do it now he's flat on his back." "All the leaves'd fall all over his face." "It's not that." "We can't afford the tea." "There's nothing to stop you from taking the used tea leaves home, Mabel." "All you've got to do is dry them out." "There's plenty of strength left in them." "Thank you very much, Mrs Lipton." "Now, swirl your teacup round three times and turn it upside down." "Now make a wish." "I can see a dog." "Oh, I don't like dogs." "Well, I can't help that." "I can see a dog." "It's got one leg in the air." " What does that mean?" " I know what it usually means." "Be quiet, Henry." "It's holding its paw out." " Perhaps he's hurt it." " Oh, what a shame." "No, he's holding his paw out to shake hands." "That means friendship." "Someone wants to be your friend." "Oh." "Is it a man or a woman?" "Just a minute." "The dog's looking at a man." " Is he a dark man?" " Bound to be, they're dark tea leaves." "Shut up, Henry, you're spoiling me concentration." "Now I can see a letter." "Is there a..." "Is there a ring?" " No, I can't see a ring." " Well, is it a fat man?" " Sort of fat." " Is it a fat letter?" "You're spoiling it!" "I shan't tell you again, Henry." "So, that means there's a sort of a fat man, who's a very good friend" " who's going to get a letter." " But you can't see a ring?" "No, no ring." "I've just taken tea up to his lordship in the drawing room." "Has he tried my sponge yet?" "No, when I left him, he was still on the phone to Lady Agatha." "As far as I can gather, they were supposed to meet last night but her husband came back." "What a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive." "I wish I'd have said that," "Where's James?" "He should've been here to take up the tea." "Miss Poppy's made him go shopping with her to carry her parcels." "She should carry her own parcels, big strong girl like her." "What's she want Jim running after her like a puppy for?" "I know I shouldn't say this, but if you ask me," "Miss Poppy's always had an eye for James." "Well, he's a good-looking, well-built man." "If I were a young girl, I'd set my cap at him." "Well, so do half the maids in the street." "It's not right." "People in Miss Poppy's position shouldn't play fast and loose with us downstairs." "I think he enjoys it." "He should get what he can out of it." "I've seen it happen in big houses before." "Next thing, she'll be givin' him presents." "If he's any sense, he'll take 'em." "Excuse me." "What's wrong with Ivy, then?" "I think we've upset her." "She's a bit sweet on James herself." "(Car approaches)" "Oh, Miss Poppy's back." "I'll let 'em in." " Alf?" " Yes?" "Have you had a letter from your solicitor yet about the divorce?" "Er, no, not yet, Blanche." "You know what solicitors are like." "Well, Ivy's just been reading my fortune in the tea leaves and she says a dark fat man, who's a friend of mine, is going to get a letter." "Well, I'm not fat, so it can't be me." "Here's thruppence for yourself." " Come along, James." " Yes, Miss Poppy." "James, shall I tell you a secret?" "Remember when we were in Marshall  Snellgroves and I met my friend, Angela?" "She thought you were my boyfriend." " Really, miss?" " Were you making eyes at me" " when I wasn't looking?" " Certainly not, Miss Poppy." "Angela thought you were scrumptious." "I'm absolutely exhausted." "Bring the parcels up to my bedroom, James." "Yes, Miss Poppy." "Come on, come on!" "Go on, James, your mistress is calling." "(Sighs)" "Don't upset yourself, Ivy." "He's not the man for you." "I hate to see him humiliated, Dad." "Does him good." "He thinks too much of himself." "Ivy, have you found out where Lady Lavender's keeping that cash yet?" " I'm not going to talk about it." " It's in her room somewhere and nobody knows how much there is." "I'm your father, Ivy - do as you're told and find it." "(Sighs)" " Put them on the bed, James." " Yes, Miss Poppy." "When you were coming up the stairs behind me, were you looking at my legs?" "Definitely not!" "Why, what's wrong with them?" "Have I got rotten legs?" "No, miss, you've got lovely legs." "In that case, you must've been looking at them." " Excuse me, Miss Poppy." " Where are you going?" " To attend to my duties." " I'm one of your duties, so stay there." "I want you to take the wrappings away." "Very well, miss." "James, why are you getting undressed?" "I'm just removing my overcoat." "Oh, just so long as you stop there." "You're blushing, James." "It's naughty of me to tease you like this." "I really don't mind, Miss Poppy, it's just that... in my position, I don't know what to say." "Oh, aren't they nice?" "Don't you think they're absolutely ripping?" " They're lovely, Miss Poppy." " Ever seen a girl wearing these?" " Of course not!" " Why of course not?" "The fact is, I haven't had much experience of the opposite sex and certainly not with young ladies of your class." "They're so smooth." "Better than those awful bloomers we had to wear at school." "Finger trappers we used to call them." "Feel them." "I really must go, Miss Poppy." "All right then." "Toodle-oo." " Oh, James." " Yes, Miss Poppy?" "If you peep through the keyhole in five minutes' time, I shall be wearing them." " More tea, Daddy?" " Yes, please." "I shouldn't worry too much about Granny, she's rational most of the time." "Rational?" "I don't consider drawing L10,000 out of the bank in cash rational." "Apart from losing the interest, it's not safe." "Nobody goes into Lavender's room except Ivy and she's honest enough." "That money's got to be under lock and key." "As if I didn't have enough to worry about with your Uncle Teddy." "The factory's just getting back to normal" " after the chaos he caused." " He doesn't mean any harm." "Doesn't mean any harm?" "What about all our maids?" "I had to make settlements on five of them." "Wouldn't be so bad if he chased girls of his own class." "He probably would if he found one who smelled of carbolic soap." "When he gets back, I'll have a serious talk with him." " Where is he?" " Playing tennis with Madge Cartwright." "I'm going to tell him he's got to marry her." "My God!" "He hasn't put her in the family way, has he?" "You're getting very coarse in the way you express yourself, Cissy." "It must be the set you go around with." "We all come from good families, Daddy - I can show you their pedigrees." "Even if he marries Madge Cartwright, it won't stop him chasing servant girls." "Once he's outside this house, he's not my responsibility." "He can chase his own servant girls." "Is there any tea in the pot?" "It's been there a long time." "Ring for some more, Cissy." " Right!" " Have you been playing tennis?" "What do you think I've been bally well doing?" "You seem in an awful huff, Uncle Teddy." "How did it go?" "Rotten." "Madge Cartwright won every game by cheating." "You can't cheat at tennis." "She can." "Every time I served she shouted "Out, out, out!"" "Her great voice booming across the court." "Made me look an absolute arse." "Did you propose to her?" "Propose to her?" "I nearly bally well strangled her." "I see." "I've been through to the PO shipping office and the Moldavia sails from Tilbury on Friday week." "You can have an outside cabin on the port side." "There'll be a nice little bungalow waiting for you in the Union Jack Rubber Company estate in Bukit Timah." "You'll have two servants to look after you - old, male servants." "And you can start a new life for yourself amongst the rubber trees." "You ruthless swine!" "It's either that or marry Madge Cartwright." " (Knock on door)" " Come in." "You rang, m'lord?" " Bring us another pot of tea, Ivy." " Yes, Miss Cissy." "And some of Mrs Lipton's cherry cake." "There's none left, though we've got some maids of honour." "Don't bring those." "I can't go through with it." "I shall do myself in." "You'd probably mess that up too." "It's not as bad as all that, Uncle Teddy." "Madge Cartwright's crackers about you." "Well, I'm not crackers about her." "She's a jolly good-looking woman." "Very statuesque." "I don't want to marry a bally statue!" "I like little, warm, soft, cuddly girls with aprons on and shiny faces and..." "Oh, God, I can't go on." "(Bell)" "Please don't cry, Uncle Teddy." "Don't mollycoddle him, Cissy." "Stop blubbing." "Pull yourself together, Teddy." "Look on the bright side - she's got stacks of money." "Yes, she's rolling in it." "She's Cartwright's Soap." "Cartwright's Soap?" "Yes, they've got three factories." "Send soap all over the world." "All sorts of soap?" "Yes." "Carbolic soap?" "Tons of it." "I'll think about it." " Good afternoon, m'lord." " Good afternoon, Stokes." "I didn't hear your car, sir." "No, I came on the omnibus, I use it a lot nowadays - you meet such nice people, especially on the top." "The Lord Bishop, m'lord." " Come in, Charles." " George." "Cissy." " Teddy." " Charles." "We were just talking about soap." "I've just sent a large consignment to our mission in Madras for the laundry." "If they haven't got soap, the natives wallop the clothes on the rocks   plays havoc with the surplices." " Was it Cartwright's soap?" "I don't actually buy it, I just pay for it." " (Knock on door)" " Come in." "I brought your tea, Mr Teddy." "Mr Stokes told me you were here, my lord, so I brought an extra cup." "Ah, the cup that cheers but not inebriates." " Take the other tray, will you, Ivy?" " Yes, Miss Cissy." " I'm so sorry..." " I'll leave you in peace, then." "I'm so sorry about that." "It's very difficult to get good servants these days." "I think she's delightful." "Such a natural girl." "So innocent with her shiny scrubbed face and her glasses." "Oh, my God!" "To what do we owe the pleasure of your company, Charles?" "Well, I must confess, I'm on the cadge." "My distressed gentlewomen are in trouble." "Really?" "Well, don't look at me." "We're running short of funds but instead of asking for cheques," "I've decided to organise a charity auction." "It's much more personal." "One's friends can give items from their houses - ornaments, trinkets, anything, it doesn't have to be valuable." "People will pay quite large sums for any old thing, just because it's for charity." "We'll find something." "Where are you holding it?" "Sir Ralph Shawcross has offered to lend us his house." "Do you know him?" "My brother bumps into his wife from time to time." "On social occasions." "Charming woman." "Her husband's a great deal older than she is." "He's about your age, George." " Boo!" " Oh!" "You fool!" "What's up?" "You were gazing out the window like a lovesick calf." "It's Miss Poppy, isn't it?" "Mind your own business." "Something happened up in her room, didn't it?" "I carried her parcels up and that is all." " All?" " Yes, all." "Come on, you can tell me, I'm your pal." "My pal?" "Yes, we were in the army together." "We fought the Germans together." "We ran away from them together." "I didn't run away, you did." "Jim Twelvetrees, I was running here and you was running there." "Only difference was, I had Mr Teddy on me back." "Only for 50 yards." "I carried him the rest of the way." "Come on, what's eating you?" "Miss Poppy asked me to feel her underwear." "What?" "She asked me to feel her underwear." "Was she in it?" "No, of course not!" "You mean she'd taken it off?" "Certainly not." "She was just removing them from the box." "Why are you so mean with yourself?" "This could work out well for both of us." " For both of us?" " Yes." "You string along wi' Miss Poppy, she may start giving you presents." "Cigarette cases, cufflinks, even money." "I'll keep watch when you want to be alone with her and we'll go halves." "If we weren't standing in his lordship's dining room," "I would knock you to the ground." "What did I say?" "(Parrot) Come in." "(Lady Lavender) Shut up." "Who is it?" "(Parrot) Shut up." "Who is it?" " It's me, Ivy." " Just a minute." "Come in quickly." "I brought your tea, Lady Lavender." "Put it down, Ethel." "Oh, have you been counting your money?" "(Parrot) Pieces of eight, pieces of eight!" "He keep's putting me off." "It's either 9,001 or 1 ,009 and I haven't counted that lot yet." "You must help me." "You count from 1 ,009 and I'll count from 9,001 and then we're both bound to be right." "9,002." "Come on, girl, count." " 1 ,010." " 9,003." "1 ,01 1 ." "9,004." " 1 ,012." " (Organ music)" "Oh, just listen to that." "Oh, I love the sound of a barrel organ." "It reminds me of my childhood." "We used to dance to it." "Oh, and dance and dance and dance!" "Oh, Ethel!" "Come on, girl, dance!" "lsn't this lovely?" "Shall we get back to the counting?" "Who cares about silly old money!" "I say, organ grinder!" "Bring your beautiful machine into the drive, so I can hear it properly." "You'll be well rewarded." "Now, Ethel, take this little tip down to him." "You can't give him all this." "Sixpence is quite enough." "I haven't got sixpence." "I'll just take one." "Don't you think you ought to give that money to his lordship to put in the safe?" "Certainly not!" "He'd only go to Africa and buy slaves with it." "They don't do that any more." "That what he says." "(Organ resumes)" "Oh, my favourite tune." "* The boy I love is up in the gallery, up in the gallery, up in the gallery" "* The boy I love is up in the gallery... *" "Where are you going, Ivy?" "Lady Lavender told me to give this pound to the organ grinder." "'Ere, give him tuppence." "Dad, that's stealing!" "Go on, do as you're told." "Ooh!" "M'lord?" "Tell that organ grinder to go away," " it's a dreadful row." " Very good, sir." "Lady Lavender sent you this." "What, you mean I've pushed this heavy organ up the drive just for tuppence?" "Lord Meldrum says you're to clear off." "Oh, that's very nice, that is." "Hey, missus, your command performance is now over." "No, please don't go." "Play on, play on, play on." "Holy smoke, them's pound notes!" "Hey, you, turn the handle." "Turn the handle!" "You've got to stop her." "Just keep turning the handle, Ivy." "Why doesn't Stokes stop that infernal row?" "There are pound notes fluttering past the window." "Granny's throwing her money into the drive." "Quick, Teddy, we've got to stop her." "(Organ continues to play)" "That's not yours, it's mine." "I'm the artist." "I'm the butler and you're trespassing, so clear off." "Put it down." "Put it down." "I don't believe it's for real!" "Clear off!" "Get off, it's Lady Lavender's." "Open this door at once, Lavender." "I say, Lavvy, old thing..." "Don't call her that, she hates it." "I can't do any bally thing right, can I?" "Oh, lawks a mercy, Lady Lavender's throwing all her money away." " Stop those people at once, Constable." " Put that money down." "Put it down!" "Put it down at once!" "Me arm's gettin' tired." "Never mind about that, just keep turning." "No, you don't." "That's stealing by finding." " Give me that, you little perisher." " Go boil your 'ead." "Come 'ere." "I'll box your ears." "Oh, how bountiful." "Put it down!" "Put it..." "Put it down!" "Lavender, if you don't open this door, I shall be forced to break it down." "If you want my money, go downstairs and catch it like everyone else." "Teddy, put your shoulder to the door." "Don't be silly, it'll break." "That's the whole idea." "Not the door, my bally shoulder." "(Sighs)" "Lavender!" "Lavender!" "Oh, no, you don't." "I can't remember the last time I had five pounds in my hand." "Well, you haven't got it now." "Where will it all end?" "Hey, don't do that, you're making holes in them." "Get off." "Why are you putting those notes in your pocket?" "I know where I'd like to put 'em - right up your waistcoat." "I expect that money to be returned." "I wouldn't have it any other way, James." " That's mine, I saw it first." " I saw it first!" "Right, give me that money." " Oh, clear off!" " Come on!" "Oh!" "You're under arrest." "Here, you leave my old woman alone." "Get back to your puddings, you silly old cow." "(Gasps) Oh!" "You leave him to me, Mrs Lipton." "I do this every Saturday night." "I told you once already." "Excuse me, I'll just hold this while you're fighting." "Leave it alone." "I've got this one, Constable." "Well, I haven't got this one." "I warn you, I shall draw my truncheon." "I will!" "I will." "I shall do it." "I shall do it!" "Even money on the copper, 5-4 the field." "I'll do it." "Half-time!" "(Whistle)" "How's your eye, Constable Wilson?" "I don't think this liver's as good as steak." "Try turning it over." " Is that better?" " It's different." "When the constable's finished with it, you can take it home, Mabel." "That'd be nice." "It'll go with the bacon rinds you gave her." "Right, I picked up L23." "What's yours, Henry?" "Twelve." " Thank you." "Mabel?" " 26." "Just look at it." "L26." "I don't even earn that in a year." "Just put it on the table, Mabel." "Mrs Lipton?" "Oh, only five pounds I'm afraid." "I'm not very good at picking things up." "It's like touching my toes." "When did you last see 'em, Mrs Lipton?" "Ivy?" "Just a pound." "I was turning the 'andle." "That was silly." "That's what was making Lady Lavender throw the money down." "Was it?" "I thought I was doing the right thing." "You're not paid to think." "Why were you talking to the organ grinder?" "You shouldn't have followers." "I wouldn't walk out with a dirty-looking man like that." "Well, just watch it in future." "What about you, Constable Wilson?" "I wasn't picking it up." "I was trying to stop other people picking it up, and this is the thanks I get for it." "When you're finished with the liver, I'll wrap it up." "Did you arrest anyone?" "I got the kid." "Lord Meldrum wants to see you all in his study." " Where's yours?" " Where's my what?" "The money you took." "What do you mean "took"?" "Mr Twelvetrees means the money you picked up." "We've all put it on the table." "Even Mabel." "How much did you pick up, Mr Stokes?" "I don't think it's anything to do with you, but if you must know, L18, which I've just given back to his lordship." "I would've thought you picked up far more." "Are you accusing me of stealing money that is the property of my employers?" "There is such a thing as the law of slander in this country." "You are a witness, Constable Wilson." "Slander isn't a police matter and I wasn't listening." "If you don't apologise forthwith, James, I shall communicate with my solicitors." "He has got solicitors, you know." "He's writing to them on another matter." "Mr Stokes, I'm sure Mr Twelvetrees didn't mean to say what you said he said." "Keep out of this, Ivy, it's nothing to do with you." "Well..." "James?" "I was merely making an observation." "Is that an apology?" "Well...yes." "Good." "I'll take this." "Come on, his lordship's waiting for you in his study." " I've counted it." " You're not starting again, are you?" "Don't mind if I cut into that new cherry cake, do you, Mrs Lipton?" "Help yourself, Constable Wilson." "I'm not taking any more chances." "No one leaves this house until Lavender's money is locked in the safe." "Daddy, we're going to see The Girlfriend." "The show starts at quarter past eight." "This is far more important, Poppy." " (Knock on door)" " Come." " All the staff are assembled, m'lord." " Thank you, send them in." "Come on in." "Come in." "Come in, come in." "Don't be shy, Mabel, come to the front." "I don't suppose you've been in a room like this very often." "No, your lordship, not since I done the grate this morning." "Here's all the money the staff collected, m'lord." " Thank you." " It comes to L67, sir." "Right." "And with the L18 you picked up, Stokes, that makes it, er..." "Erm..." " L85, m'lord." " Thank you." "Quite right." "My brother, my daughters and I wish to express our appreciation of the top-hole way you behaved this afternoon." " Don't we?" " Oh, yes." " Absolutely." " Jolly good show." "On occasions such as this, one realises, whether one lives up here or below stairs, we are all one big...happy family." "Hear, hear." "As a token of my appreciation," "I would like to present you with something personally." " (All) Thank you, m'lord." " You deserve it." "You saved L85 from being lost and L85 is a great deal of money." " Here is five shillings for you, Stokes." " M'lord." " Five for you, James." " M'lord." "Five shillings for you, Mrs Lipton." " Ivy, half a crown." " Thank you." " Mabel, a shilling." " How very kind, your lordship." "And Henry, sixpence." "Ah, now, Mabel, Mrs Lipton, Henry, you may go." "I want to talk to the others." "Not at all." "Not at all." "How embarrassing." "Daddy's so stingy." "I'll give something to Ivy." "And I'll give something to James." "Stokes, James, Ivy, I'm not going to beat about the bush." "I want this money in that safe quickly and I need your help." "I can grab the case of money, m'lord if someone can distract her ladyship." " She won't even let me in her room." " I'm the same." " She hurls abuse at me." " She hurls food at me, and the plates." "Nevertheless, she does like you, Ivy." "You're the only one who can get into her room." "Now, this is what we'll do - you go in, you distract Lady Lavender, grab the money, pass it to Stokes, who'll be waiting outside." "You, Stokes, bring it to the dining room and we'll count it with James." "Would it not be better if I were upstairs with Mr Stokes, sir?" "What do you think, Stokes?" "Money's not heavy, sir." "I think I can manage." "Well, off you go, Stokes, Ivy." "Very good, m'lord." "Perhaps I ought to help Mr Stokes, sir." "No, you stay and help us." "I'm a duffer at counting." "I bet you're jolly fast with your fingers." "I don't like doing this to a poor old lady." "His lordship's only trying to protect her from herself." "She'd end up chucking it all out the window." "Yes, you're right." "You're not going to fill your pockets with it, are you?" "Not a single note will go into my pocket." " You promise?" " On me mother's life." "She died five years ago." "Look me in the eye." "I always know if you're telling the truth." "Yes, you're telling the truth." "Thanks, Dad." " (Lady Lavender) Who is it?" " It's me, Ivy." " How are you gonna do it?" " Don't worry, I've thought of something." "I'm wicked when I have to be." "I get it from you." "Come in, come in." "You're too late, she's in." "I've come to collect your tea tray, Lady Lavender." "Oh, do you collect tea trays?" "That one's Sheffield plate." "That organ grinder's outside." "He says he hopes you enjoyed his concert and he wants to know if you've any requests." "If so, shout them out the window." "How nice." " Oh, Ethel." " Yes, m'lady?" "Open the window." "Hello!" "Organ grinder, are you there?" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Oh, dear, the window's slipped." "I'll get help." "Ooh!" "Oh, what a good job I was here, otherwise you'd be stuck." "Oh, Ethel, what a shock." "Oh, help me into bed." "Mr Stokes is taking a long time." "Would you like me to check on his movements?" "No, no, no." "I'm sure he's got everything well in hand." "Have you got it, Stokes?" "Oh, blast." "Coming, my lord." "Well done!" "Come on, Poppy, Cissy, James." "If you don't require me, sir, I'll lay out your evening clothes." " Yes, of course." " As the show starts at 8:15, sir, shouldn't Mr Stokes stay and help us count the money?" "Good idea." "You're staying where I can keep an eye on you." "Then look very closely - the quickness of the hand deceives the eye." "Excuse me, m'lord, Lady Lavender's dropped off." "Dropped off what?" "Oh, right, thank you, Ivy." "I never knew there was so much money in all the world." "I want to thank you again." "Here's another half crown." "Count this." "And this." " Stop treading on my heels, James." " I'm not letting you out of my sight." "His lordship worked out that there's L193 missing - where is it?" "You saw what happened, you were there." "Lady Lavender chucked it out the window and people picked it up." "They couldn't have picked up that much." "How many pounds went in your pocket?" "Would you like to repeat that in front of witnesses?" "I know you, Alf Stokes." "Between the time Ivy handed you that money and the time you gave it to Lord Meldrum, you were alone and the case was unlocked." "All you had to do was remove some notes and conceal them about your person." "Quite the little Sherlock Holmes, aren't you?" "There's just one thing you forgot - I'm an honest man and a loyal servant." "A loyal servant!" "If you haven't got some of that money in your pockets, I'll eat my hat." "There's only one way you'll find out," " and that is to search me." " What?" "I said "Search me"." "Ask Mrs Lipton to steam it for an hour and serve it with a white sauce." "(Stair creaks)" "(Creaking)" "(Clock ticking)" "Blast!" "I need something to make the notes stick to the end." "Glue!" "No, we haven't got any." "Treacle!" "What are you doing here?" "Having some treacle." "On the end of a feather duster?" "What would you use - your finger?" "Not very hygienic." "Here, have a suck." "I see it all now." "You stuffed the money in that vase." "Stuffed the money in the vase?" "Whatever gave you that idea?" "I know the money's in this vase." "Can you see it?" "No." "If it hasn't got the money in it, why did you bring it down here?" "Well, I'll tell you." "I was aroused from a dreamless sleep by a very strange noise." ""Ah," I thought to myself, "is that a burglar," ""or is it James with a bad attack of indigestion?"" "So I decided to investigate, and on me way down, I picked this up as a weapon." "When I found there was no intruder, I decided I would eat some treacle." "I know you've hidden that money somewhere." "Then I suggest you go and look for it." " Excuse me, Mr Twelvetrees." " What?" "You needn't check if I swept the muck under the carpet." "I'm a very clean worker." "It isn't that, Ivy." "I have a suspicion that your father might have helped himself to some of Lady Lavender's money" " before he gave it to his lordship." " He didn't have time." "He could've hidden some between the top of the stairs and the dining room." "He promised me he wouldn't take any." "Since when have your father's promises meant anything?" "Mr Twelvetrees, if you do find it, you won't tell his lordship, will you?" "For his own good, Ivy." "We cannot go on protecting him." "Perhaps you could." "Just once more, if you have to." "We'll see, Ivy." "Oh, thank you, Mr Twelvetrees." "Dad, James has just..." "Never mind that." "Miss Cissy wants to see you." " But Dad..." " You know how impatient she gets." "Oh, all right!" "What are you doing?" "Checking for spiders." "You must think I'm a complete fool." "So, you're a mind-reader." "You've sucked the money into the Goblin." "Now you'll go and empty it." "For your information, Jim Twelvetrees, butlers do not empty Goblins." "Then I will." "Miss Cissy didn't want me." " What's going on?" " I found the money." "Where's he going with the Goblin?" "He thinks someone's hidden the money in it." "Have they?" "What's Mr Twelvetrees doing with the Goblin?" "None of your business, Henry." "It's in here somewhere, I know it is. it's got to be." "Oh, a farthing!" "Well, you know what they say up north, Ivy - where there's muck there's money." "Mr Twelvetrees been picking over that dirty fluff and he's found a farthing." "Waste not, want not, that's what I always say." "Yes, Mrs Lipton, that's what you always say." "We have interesting news for Charles, haven't we, Teddy?" "Have we?" "There might be a family wedding in the not too distant future." " Teddy's thinking of settling down." " Who's the lucky girl?" "Madge Cartwright." "Ah, Cartwright's Soap, I know the family well." "Fine girl." "Rather, erm...statuesque." "Very statuesque." " (Knock on door)" " Come." "Tea, m'lord." " Serve it, will you, please, Stokes?" " Sir." "James, pour the tea." "Where are your daughters?" "They're trying to find something for your charity auction." "Thank you, George." "You're so generous." "I don't know what the Church would do without you." " Do you like crumpet, my lord?" " Oh, thank you." "I know Mr Teddy does." "They're lovely." "Simply oozing with butter." "That will do, Ivy." "Can they have this for the auction?" " Where was it?" " Outside Lavender's room." "Yes, of course." "Would you like that, Charles?" " Thank you." " It's not worth much, George." "Shall I find something more valuable?" " Oh, no, that'll raise a few pounds." " Well, by all means, take it." "I found these in the boxroom - will they do?" "They must've been up there 20 years." "Your aunt Maud brought them back from Portside." " They look Chinese." " Aren't they Egyptian?" " Is there a mark on them?" " I think there's one here." "A crescent." "No, I think it's a bird." "What do you think, Teddy?" " I think it's a bit of cheese." " No, no, it's a crescent." "Put them on the desk and Charles, choose the one you want." "When is the auction, Charles?" "Next Saturday at Ralph Shawcross's." "George knows his wife, don't you, George?" "Come away, Stokes, let the bishop choose." "They look so alike." " This one's not such a good colour, sir." " How can you tell by shaking it?" "Don't be stingy, George, let Charles take the set." " They're not worth much anyway." " You're right, Teddy." "Take all three." " (Horn honks)" " That'll be my chaplain to pick me up." "I must run along." "Lots of other knick-knacks to collect." "I'm beginning to feel like a rag-and-bone man." " Take the vases to the car, Stokes." " Sir." "Why are we all doing this?" "Stokes, put the vases in the dickey." "I'm afraid I have no dickey." "Oh, what a shame." "Never mind, put them in the back seat." " Bye." " Bye." "Ripped by malgabo Sync by sutyiboy" "* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear the same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang, m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at the Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at The Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Talking flicks are here today" "* And Lindbergh's from the USA" "* Poor Valentino's passed away..." "How sad, m'lord."