"It's alive!" "Greetings." "You know, freedom of speech... is the most valuable right of the American people." "And so, to honor our First Amendment..." "I will now fart the national anthem." "I recommend you videotape this moment... and watch it again on the Fourth of July." "Whoops!" "I just crapped myself." "Stay in school, kids." "Whoo-hoo!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Well, it's your baby, Douglas!" "OK." "This is gonna hurt." "A lot." "Experiencing a twist ending at the end of a movie can be fun." "You can get in on that fun... without having to sit through all that Hollywood crap." "Enjoy." "Are we still going to do it?" "Turn to the dark side and join me." "I'll never join you!" "You killed my father!" "No, Luke." "I am your father." "That's not true!" "That's impossible!" "And Princess Leia is your sister." "That's not true!" "That's... improbable." "And the Empire will be defeated by Ewoks." "That's... very unlikely." "And as a child..." "I built C-3PO." "Huh?" "And the Force?" "Well, that's just microscopic bacteria in your bloodstream... called midichlorians." "Look, if you're not gonna take this seriously, I'm out." "Oh, my God!" "Angela's the killer, and she was really a boy!" "Oh, my God!" "Somebody remembered this movie and wrote a comedy sketch about it!" "Is anyone there?" "I come from a village where we think it's 1886." "I've broken our taboo about entering the forest... to find medicine for my fiancé." "Hello?" "That..." "That was a really weak twist." "Yeah." "Sorry about that, folks." "Wasn't that great?" "And as an added twist..." "I'm just three ducks in a man costume." "Good night, folks." "Oh, that was close." "She's gonna do it." "Feh!" "You little bastard." "Today marks the 13th anniversary... of the death of a true British hero." "On this date in 1992... the great comedic voice of Benny Hill... was silenced forever." "We now take you back to that somber day." "Served!" "Served!" "Served!" "Served!" "Served!" "Served!" "Served!" "Served!" "And so, each Halloween... the great pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch... and gives Halloween presents to all the girls and boys." "For some reason, he's never actually appeared to me personally." "But this year will be different." "Arise!" "Arise, O great pumpkin!" "Finally!" "Now you can give me presents." "Just kick the ball, you blockhead." "But every time I try, you just take the ball away." "This time I won't." "Come on already!" "Maybe this time she means it." "I'm going to do it." "I'm going to kick the football." "This is it!" "That's for years of humiliation, bitch." "What the..." "Poor Linus." "That blockhead." "Everyone's a blockhead." "Blockheads, blockheads, blockheads!" "Wa waa wa wa wa waa." "Wa waa waa." "What did he say?" "Ugh!" "I never have any idea what any adult says." "It's always that "Wa wa wa" crap." "I thought it would be appropriate... to bury what little they found of Linus... in his security blanket." "That stupid blanket." "I knew he was never right in his head." "Oh, my sweet Baboo!" "I can't live without him!" "I won't leave him!" "I won't!" "Linus!" "Linus!" "I can't!" "This is different from the time we got lost in France... or when we almost drowned during the great river raft race." "I fear just having a positive attitude... with strong Christian overtones won't save us this time." "Hold me, sir." "I said "strong Christian overtones."" "I'm at the end of my rope, Lucy." "Everyone else is dead besides you and me." "I thought being stuck as a pre-pubescent bald kid for fifty years... couldn't get any worse." "What should we do?" "You should let the great pumpkin eat you." "Meet the kite-eating tree... you ugly son of a bitch." "It's over." "It's finally over." "Rest, my friends." "Now you can rest." "Ba-gawk!" "Bock." "Stupid monkey."