" I got to go, and i can't drive with my foot like this." "How about you?" "You look like you could use some fresh air." " I hate fresh air." "Why don't you get vecchio?" " Vecchio is on holiday." " Yeah, where?" " That club couples place in mexico." " Vecchio, club couples?" "Who with?" " Remember that chick he busted last month for passing bad cheques?" "Oh, man, that's low." "I grovel once in a while, but to bust a chick for a date?" "The man has no standards." " What's going on here?" "I'm talking about a day off with pay." " Yeah, but it's in the country, lieutenant." "Good morning, sir." " Ah, constable." "Come here, i want to show you something." "What do you see in front of you?" " Photographs." " That's america." "That is the heartbeat of america." "I mean, white picket fences, courtyard in the square, cracker barrel in the general store, and all you have to do is give me a ride up there." "I'll show you a place where people still care about their neighbours, where you can park your car on the street all night and it'll still be in one piece in the morning." "You smell apple pie every day." "Sounds like home." "Although, of course, we tended more towards brown lichen tarts than apple pie, but..." " right, right." "Well, we better get a move on, to be in time for the game." "Game, sir?" "And it's a beautiful day for baseball here in the tri-county region, as the greater willison area... where we don't just produce milk, we produce goodness... wraps up its week-long festival of cheese with a season-ending three-game series" "against cross-county rivals the corrington crowns." "There's been no love lost between these two teams this year, as willison has yet to defeat corrington in regular season play, a season that's been a disaster thus far for the hawkeyes, with the team rife with dissension," "much of it centred around the play of vaunted slugger kelly olsen." "Olsen is in the throes of a season-long slump, wihch, barring a turnaround, could end his career." "Love you, son." "Love your hairstyle, but i'm telling you, you got to swing at least hard enough to crack an egg." " Hawkeyes manager huck bogart, with two more victories, would enter the record book as the "winningest" manager in minor-league history." " That's the juice i'm looking for." "That's a nice cut." " But amidst rumours that his contract won't be renewed, this may be his last shot at the record book." "Hey, romeo." "We got this thing called practice." "Ladies." " And just about the only bright spot for the hawkeyes this season has been the play of mid-season acquisition pete consentino, whose play down the stretch... hits like that one..." "ho, ho!" "... they tell you you're going to see a lot more of this guy." "You know, baseball has its ups and downs, folks." "It's just like life." "I guess that's why they call it... america's pastime." "Shut her down!" "Don't move!" "Don't!" " Ah!" " Hector!" " Shut up!" "Come on, move it!" " Move it, move it!" "Let's go, let's go!" "Hector." "Oh, my..." " so he graduates from the police academy, he works a year in chicago, then he comes up here to nowheresville to take a sheriff's job." "Real waste of some great training." " I wasn't aware you had a brother, sir." " Anyway, he calls me and he's freaking out." "It seems there's a crime wave here in nowheresville." "I mean, arson at the local factory, the stores being broken into, somebody's trying to sabotage the local baseball team." "Well, after i stopped laughing..." " you find this funny, sir?" " Yeah, well, after you've seen 14-year-olds killed by hypos, yeah." " Point taken." " It's vandalism." "You know, bleachers collapsing, somebody's poisoning the food concession, stuff like that." "That does sound serious, sir." " That's why we're here." "We're the pros from dover." "I figure we could wrap this up maybe in an hour." "Constable... can i ask for your advice?" "My advice, sir?" "Yeah, your advice." "If i can help." " If you had somebody you were trying to forgive, no matter how hard you try to forgive him, you just couldn't forgive him, what would you do?" "Keep trying, sir." "All right, let's go." " Excuse me, folks." "Can we get through here?" "Yeah, thanks." "What the hell is going on?" "The players are walking off the field!" "There's been a robbery, huck." "They got the payroll." "And hector has been hurt." " Who cares?" "We're ahead 6-1, we forfeit the game." "A man is hurt, huck!" " He's not a man." "He's an accountant." "Look, we got to find money." "Two games to 3,000, and i can't win them by myself." " Winston." " Olivia." "Are you all right?" " I'd be a damn sight better if we had a sheriff with some stones." "Hey." " I'm going to do something about that, olivia." " Thank you for your support, mr." "Mayor." " Look, i've done everything i can for you, welsh." "But nobody's going to stand for this anymore." "We already lost johannson's lumber mill to arson." "The department store closed after that last robbery." "What the hell do you expect me to do?" "Keep you on till every business we have is run out of town?" " I told you, i've called for outside help." "Experts in the field." " Your dog's got a bladder the size of a zeppelin." " Salty food." "I can't seem to keep him away from it." "You see something?" "'Afternoon." "You get a number?" "Yes, i did." " Mm-hmm, they were heading east out of town." "Not that that means anything." "Yeah, just have your troopers keep an eye out for me, walt." "Thank you." "Harding." "Wilson." "What happened to your foot?" "Ah, a junkie." "Chicago." "What happened to the junkie?" "They had to wire his jaw." "Gum?" "Sure." "So these are your headquarters, huh?" "Yeah." "Just like the city, only smaller." "Bernie, get on out to the truck stop at the interstate." "See if anybody saw anything." " You got it, chief." " Hey, who's that?" "She's..." " deputy." "Like a detective, you know, just like the city." "Gentlemen." "There it is." "It's the stadium payroll." " And i imagine you'll be wanting to speak with this fellow." "The other two got away, but we got a good look at them." " Rusty barnstead, what have you gotten yourself into this time?" "You know this guy?" "He ever stop crying?" " He's upset." " Yeah." "He wasn't upset when he cracked that guy's skull in." "Can i talk to you a minute?" "We got guys in chicago could put out cigarettes on their tongue and don't flinch." " I walked rusty to school on his very first day, okay?" "You know, i live with these people." "It's a community." "You can't come here and terrorize them." "You called me for help." " And i want your help, but this is willison." "It's not chicago." "You got to respect that." " You called me for help." "Okay?" "I got my methods." "If you can live with them, fine, i'll help you out." "If not, i'm out of here." "You just haven't outgrown it." " What's that?" " Competing with me." "Competing for what?" "Everything." "For susie glesson." "For who's going to be quarterback on the football team." "For who can sit on the railroad tracks the longest." "I always could stay longer." "For dad's approval." "I never needed his approval." "Oh, no?" "No." "Let me tell you something." "How could i possibly compete with all of this?" " I was hoping for more than that, you know." "I was, i was... i was hoping that... forget it." " It turns out that rusty met the other two men in a bar three days before the robbery." "They wanted a driver who's familiar with the area, so we can assume they're from out of town." "I've taken the liberty of removing his belt, his shoelaces and his wristwatch." "I also took the liberty of placing him into holding cell number 1." "And i would respectfully suggest that we get over to the stadium as quickly as possible." "He's canadian." "Oh." "Someone... is trying to screw me." "Plain and simple." "Whoa!" "Coach." " How many wins did sal arpeggio have?" "2,973." "That's right!" "Watch it!" "And jack macdonaugh?" "2,999." "That's right!" "Anybody ever go 3,000?" "Nobody." "That's right!" "Nobody." "Because that record is mine." "Mine!" "Look!" "Now my players are walking out!" "Well, deck me running!" "Get me a coffee!" "What?" "Coffee!" "Please?" "As you wish, sir." "What the hell is that?" "Terribly sorry, sir." "His name is diefenbaker." "He's half wolf." "Well, as a pup, he was mauled by a wolverine with a goiter." "I can only assume that the outfit your mascot is wearing seems to have made him relive the event." "And who the hell are you?" "Huck, this is, uh... lieutenant harding welsh of the chicago police department, and this is, uh, constable fraser, of the royal canadian mounted police." "He first came to illinois on the trail of his father's killer, and for a number of interesting reasons, he's stayed." " Attached as liaison with the canadian consulate." " You're kidding me." " No, sir, i'm not." "Welsh." "You any relation to him?" " Yeah, i'm his brother." " Hope you're not as thick as he is, 'cause if you are, we should start walking backwards now." " Yeah, well, you keep talking, mulch-mouth... sir, sir, please." "This is a community." "Thank you." " Mr. Bogart, if what i overheard is accurate, you believe that the attacks on the team are directed at you personally?" "Do you have any reason to believe this?" "Yeah, i got a reason." "This was on my desk this morning." ""You'll never reach 3,000."" "Two games left to 3,000." "And now i got no team!" "Fellas, can i talk to you for a minute, please?" "Just for a minute." "Thank you." "Look, i understand how you feel." "You hired on here to play baseball, not to be a part of some nightmare sideshow." "I understand that." "My late husband loved this ball team." "And his last wish, when he was dying, was that we win the pennant." "And i promised him we would." "Now, obviously that's not going to happen this year, but there's always the future, right?" "So i'm asking you, stick with me." "Please." "Two more games." "Finish the season." "'Cause i have a feeling next year is going to be our year." " Sing us another tune, sweetheart." " We recovered the money." "It's in the office." "Fellas, one more thing." "Your payroll." "It's in the office." "Yeah!" " Son, need to talk to you in the locker room." "Sure thing, skipper." "You can't sit me down!" "Put yourself in my position." "You got two games left to break the record, and the guy on first is hitting. 189." "What would you do?" "You'd put in consentino." "You miserable bastard." "There's a scout from the yankees coming to look at me!" " Okay, you want to play hardball?" "Let me show you how to play hardball." "They don't have to see you play to know that you're an over-the-hill lump who's hitting 20 points below his own body weight." "Them's the breaks." "That's baseball." " Fraser, i got to get off this foot." "We can talk at my spread." " It's a beautiful setting for a spread." "Yeah, nice spread." "Leave them." "He has a phobia about pink flamingos." "Here it is." "Very nice." "Beautiful woodwork." "It's a little small." "Well, i, uh, i got plans to build something, you know, but, uh... you got a big place in chicago?" "No, no." "Just about the same size." " Well, uh, i'll get the mug book." "Is this your father, sir?" "Yeah." "Looks very proud." " It was the proudest day of his life." "That's when wilson graduated from the police academy." "When i graduated, he couldn't make it." "He was sick that day." " If there was a sale at the liquor store, he'd have been there on a stretcher." "Come on, harding." "Give him a break, huh?" "He's an old man now." "He's broken down, he's sick." "Just let it go." "I let him go a long time ago." "Um... here's the mug book." "Mug book?" "This is a mug page." "You got a crime wave going here, and you got no criminals?" " Got no criminals 'cause i done a damn good job here for the last 20 years." " Yeah, well, maybe me and fraser will go back to chicago, then, let you handle it by yourself." "Constable, would you... no, not at all." "Now, look." "I'm two years from retirement." "I'm about to lose my job." "I don't mind telling you it scares the hell out of me." "I thought you might want to help." "But if you just want to make fun of what a small-town loser i am, well, then, why don't you go on back to your big-time cop shop." "I'm going for a walk." " Sir, i've been thinking." " This... better have something to do with baseball." "Oh, of course." "It occurs to me that since this is a small town and news travels fast, that our presence here is likely known." "We should consider the introduction of a third party unknown to the town who could infiltrate the clubhouse and report to us from the inside." "And that would be?" "Your name will be ace leary." " Man, i've gone to some lengths to ditch a date, but this is new." " The relationship didn't work, i take it?" " The plane barely touched down in acapulco and she took up with this guy who was selling ponchos on the street." " Oh, so you didn't get the girl, then." "No." "Got this poncho." "It's very fetching." " You realize i haven't swung a bat in years, fraser." " You used to work out with the cubs, didn't you?" "That was a long time ago." " They're only looking for someone who can hit. 380." " .380." " Mm-hmm." "They think i can hit. 380?" "Mm-hmm." " I'm dead." " Oh, no, you can do it." "It's like riding a bicycle." "You never really forget, do you?" " Look, i was exaggerating, fraser." "I was embellishing." "Haven't you ever exaggerated or embellished?" "No." "And in any case, it's only for a couple of games." "The main thing is that you find the saboteur." "If you don't want to play, they'll come up with some excuse to bench you." " What are you saying?" "I can't cut it?" "I can cut it." "Name's bubba dean." "Welcome to the funhouse." " So you're the hotshot from the great white north, eh?" "Where'd you play?" "Uh... moose jaw." " Huck says you've been hitting. 380." "What do they throw up there, anyway?" "Curveballs, sliders, fastballs, forkballs, hmm?" "Mostly, uh, snowballs." " Well, down here, they throw heat." " Ace leary?" " Um... toni lake, action sports." "Ace leary, somewhat of a mystery man signed out of the canadian league." "Ace, are you concerned at all about fitting in with this new league so late in the season?" " I just want to go out there and help the team any way i can." "Can i put clothes on for this?" " Don't worry, sweetheart, unless of course you canadians have something i haven't already seen." " Uh, you know, i'm gonna take it, you know, game by game, and go out there and do my best and try not to play with myself." "I mean play within myself." " You want to buy the team, show me the colour of your green." "A lot of towns would like to have the hawkeyes." "Olivia, let's be honest." "The team is practically bankrupt." "I'm just trying to bail you out and give the town a boost." " No, you're not." "You're trying to screw me." "Well, go ahead, buster, because..." "Come in." "Constable fraser, what a nice surprise." "Ma'am." " This is winston cohoon, our mayor." " Ah, pleased to meet you, sir." " Nice to meet you." " The mayor and i were discussing a business transaction." "So i heard." " Oh... well, you know small towns." "We know everybody." "We can speak frankly." " Yes, that's true." "Although, you know, i have heard young ladies on the streets of chicago discussing business deals in very similar terms." " Don't tell me, let me guess." "You're from canada." "Well, yes, sir, i am." "I love it up there." "Matter of fact, the council and i were just talking about the possibility of setting up a cultural exchange with medicine jaw." " Medicine hat?" "Yeah, that's the place." "We could send them a couple blocks of illinois cheese, and they could send us... some beaver meat or something in return." "Oh, i'm sorry." "Diefenbaker feels a particular kinship with the beaver." "It's as if we were discussing, well, eating a member of the family." "I see." " Constable fraser's here with a team of chicago detectives." " Oh, you're the pros that welsh brought down." " That is correct, yes." " How's it going?" " We have some very good leads, and we're confident that we will be able to apprehend the men who stole the payroll." " Good, it's about time we got some decent police work in this town." "I'm glad to meet you." "Oh, hey, listen, you want a block of cheese, you just call my office." "Oh, thank you kindly." "You know, oddly, i have been thinking about cheese lately." "Yeah." "So... you're going to put a stop to this, aren't you?" " Well, we are trying our best, ma'am." "Do you mind if i ask you a question?" "Shoot." " You are considering selling the team?" " Well, i'm, uh..." "i'm in negotiations." " My mother's got a better swing than that..." "she's been dead 20 years!" "Ahhh!" "Frase!" "Frase, got to shut it off!" "Shut it off!" "Switch on the side!" "Switch on the side of the machine." "Or you could do it that way." "I think my arm's broken!" "Hey, birdbrain, you got $10?" "Sure, huck." " All right, call a cab and get romeo to the hospital." "What the hell happened?" " Someone must've been screwing with the machine." "You're kidding me." "Would that be what made a pitching machine change into a gatling gun?" " What is that?" " That's sarcasm, ace." "That's what i thought." " It would appear that there's a crucial gear missing." " There's gonna be some heads missing gears too, i don't find out who did this." "Woody, you were in early." "Who did this?" " It was fine this morning, huck." "Domingo, consentino and anderson all took bp." " Olsen!" "Yeah, skipper?" "You're back in the lineup." "Let's see if you can remember how to hit a baseball." "You... you did this to me, huh?" " What the hell for?" " Get your place back in the lineup." " You're full of crap." " Boys, boys." "You like olsen for this?" "Well, he does seem to have motive, although i fail to see how he could've predicted that the injury would fall to consentino." " Timing... consentino was first up after lunch." "Everybody knew that." "All right, jack, thank you." "So what have you been doing?" " I've been talking to people, harding." " You get information that way?" " Usually." " Oh, what did you get this time?" "Not much." " I made a call with a certain tone of voice, and my guy jumped." "Turns out that grey k-car was stolen in chicago the night before the robbery." "We found it this morning." "Now, i got the mug books coming." "If they were pros, maybe they're in the system." "That's what i've been doing." "You looking for something?" " Uh, all these lockers, they, uh... look the same." " Yeah?" "That's probably why kelly has that big-ass picture of himself on his." "Oh, yeah." "This is the gear, right?" " Yes, it is." "It's odd he would leave it in his locker, though." " So he's a doofus." "Olsen's still gotta be our man." "I've known kelly a long time." "He's done a lot of good for the town, always been there for charity work." " You saying a guy does charity, he can't have a little ambition?" " No, but i don't think he'd hurt anybody." " Well, then we'll eliminate him as a suspect, all right?" " Look, all i'm saying is that i think we ought to move slowly." "You know, he's a very popular guy in the community." " All right, but the way i work is you have motive, means, some evidence, you pick him up." "Now, what's it going to be?" "We'll pick him up." " How the hell am i supposed to win the game?" "Olsen's not much, but he's all i got, and you got him sitting in a cell!" " That's where you go when you break the law, huck." "Come on, it was a prank." " It was a prank that could've resulted in someone's death." " You grow up in a public-service announcement?" "Olsen didn't get to the clubhouse till five minutes before practice." "No way he fixed that machine." " Can he prove it?" " He was with me all morning." "Doing what?" "Contract negotiations." "Are you seriously suggesting that kelly olsen is responsible for all this sabotage?" "He's got an alibi." "Let him play ball." " You know, i think, uh..." "i mean..." " he had motive, he had opportunity." "He goes in front of the judge." " Wilson?" " He goes before the judge." " Welsh, if you continue to hold this man, i'll have your badge!" " Well, you'll have my badge then." "Big shots from chicago." " Assuming that kelly's alibi holds up, we can conclude that he was framed." "And it's likely that whoever framed him is behind the other acts of sabotage." "Shall we?" " Mm, that's one of them, right here." "Alvin kopinka." "You got a fax machine?" "Heads up." "That's him." " Well, well, well, what do you know?" "They carpool." "Very nice." " You know what the real cause of air pollution is?" " What's that?" " Not cars..." "lawn mowers." " Hey, watch where you're going, jerk!" "Chicago p. d." "Don't move." " How do you do?" " Get out." "Get out." " Got a permit for this?" " Yeah, i do." "Power mowers?" "Sheriff welsh." "May i speak with lieutenant welsh, please?" "Yeah, go ahead, detective." "Lieutenant, we got kopinka and his buddy, bobby letourneau." "And one of them was carrying a phone number written on a coaster from the chiltingham hotel in chicago, but the number is in your area code." "Yeah?" " It's a pay phone at the willison ball park." "Is it 555-0104?" "Yeah." " It's the phone in the concourse outside of olivia's office." "I have a head for figures." "It's olivia." "Does she have a motive?" " I think i can come up with one." "What?" "Oh, wilson, you are so needy around women." " Just, olivia and i..." " yeah, yeah." "I rest my case." "Ah, mr." "Proulx, you're working today." "You must be feeling better." " I got plenty to do, so i thought i might as well come in and work as lie in bed worrying about it." " Where's olivia?" " Chicago." " You know when she'll be back?" " Nope, never tells me." "Keeps a suite at the chiltingham." "You can try her there." " Fraser!" "Fraser!" "As the hawkeyes take the field, fans, let me remind you about sunday's cheese-sculpting contest..." " they're gonna play me, fraser, put me in the game." "Ray, you can do this, you can." "Just like when you practised with the cubs." " Fraser, that was a fantasy camp." " I don't understand." " You pay $1,000, go to florida with the salesman with the big gut and the mutual-funds guy with socks and sandals, and the guy had no muscles, the guy had... ray... ray, ray, ray!" "Shh." "All right, now... just keep your eye on the ball, keep the ball in front of you, keep the glove in front of the ball, relax, let muscle memory take over, and above all," "you must try not to think." " Not thinking got me into this." "Hey, know what they call third base?" " The hot plate?" " No, the hot corner." "You know why?" " I have no idea." " Neither do i, but it doesn't sound good." "Uh, ray." "Oh, dear." "Have they got a first baseman?" " Certainly." " All right." "What's his name?" " Who." " The first baseman." "What's his name?" "Certainly." " Jethro." " Howdy, sheriff." "Hi, homer." "Hey, you remember how dad used to take us to the cubs games?" " Yeah, i remember when he used to drop us off at the gate and give the ushers a few dollars to look after us." "Then he'd come and pick us up after the game and drive home hammered out of his mind." " I don't remember that." " You don't want to remember that." " Look, i know he was a lousy father, and he treated us hard." "Hard on you?" "There's nothing i could do to please that guy." "Every other day, he was telling me you were his only real son." " And every other day, he told me how you were his only real son." "Got to forgive him, harding." " I don't know what you're talking about." "I think you do." "It's olivia." "Let's get her." "No, i go alone." "I owe her this." "I'm going to bring her in myself." "I know how to handle her." "I hear you're thinking of selling." "That's none of your business." " Well, what, you... you stuck for the lease on the stadium?" "Is that why you're sabotaging your own team?" "What do you want?" "Maybe you're trying to cash in on the force-majeure clause in your insurance policy." " All right, we got our confession?" "Do you mind?" "Is this your brother?" "Uh... harding, olivia." " Boy, your parents must've been wading in the shallow end of the gene pool." " Yeah, it's still way uptown from your tree." "Hey, hey." " Do you have any proof?" "Or evidence?" "Or any of those legal kinds of things that usually go with these conversations, wilson?" "Or did you just want to see me again, lover?" "Look, i don't have a lease on the stadium." "My late moron of a husband bought the thing." "I own it." "So now i have to sell the team with the stadium, or i'm going to be stuck with a chunk of property that's not worth a bucket of warm spit." "So listen, you fellas want to talk to me, you know where to find me." "And the hawkeyes are just one out away from victory." "Actually, he's half wolf." "...huck bogart will hit that magic 3,000 mark." "But right now, they've got to get through the meat of the corrington order." "And ace leary might find out why they call it the hot corner." "Fraser, you hear that?" "It's called the hot corner." "Leary!" "The other way, deuce." "Yeah." "Lieutenant, turns out this letourneau guy has an alias." "He also goes by the name of donny proulx." "The bookkeeper." "...is his uncle." "Count the seams." "Count the seams." "Count the seams." "Out!" "I'm a damn genius." " Oh... never going to hear the end of this." " I wasn't gambling." "I swear to god i wasn't." "We trust you, hector, okay?" "We know you're a compulsive gambler, but i know that you are a scrupulously honest bookkeeper." " Yeah, right." "Telephone-company records for that pay phone outside your office lists 200 calls to a certain bookie in new jersey." "How do you explain those calls?" "I can't... unless, unless someone wanted to frame me for robbery, hire my good-for-nothing nephew, make it seem i was taking the money." " The simple thing is you did it." " I think there's a problem with that." "And what's that?" " He may have committed the robbery to cover his tracks if he was embezzling from the team, but he had absolutely no motive for committing the other acts of vandalism." "That would be a separate thing?" " Possibly, although i do think all the crimes are related, and that they revolve around the sale of this team and of the stadium." "Furthermore, they all seem to share a certain pattern, or what you would call an m. o." "And what's that?" " Modus operandi." " Exactly." "In each scenario, we have a plausible suspect, and ample evidence to point to them." " So it's got to be someone inside." " Someone who could move about inconspicuously." "Oh, man." "We know it's you." "Now why'd you do it?" "Huck." "Well, you saw how he treats me." "Big deal." "You wouldn't be the first guy working twice as hard to get noticed half as much." "Get over it." " He stole olivia." "You and olivia?" "Huck and olivia?" "Kelly and olivia?" "He's just a kid." "So you did it for revenge?" "No, that was just the icing." "I was getting paid." "Well, here we have it, folks, the final game of the season." "Now just a reminder to all the fans here at the stadium, please remain seated after tonight's game for the big fireworks display." "Now, please, won't you join me and rise for the national anthem, sung by our very own toni lake." "Oh, say, can you see..." " okay, let's have a look at your stance." "Okay." "Okay, um... ray, you are a pull hitter, so you need to close up your stance." "You lay off anything that's away." "You make him come to you." "Wait till it's in your wheelhouse high and in." "And you have to protect the plate, so lean forward." "Lower body forward." "Uh, that'll do." "Ready?" "What on god's earth was that, fraser?" "Uh, cut fastball, i believe they call it." "Ray, this time, don't even try to hit the ball." "Just watch it as it comes in and try to count the rotation of the seams as they come toward you." " Count the rotations of the seams." "Fraser, i can't even see it." "It's a blur." " Oh, sure you can." "What are you talking about?" "It was a strike on the corner." "Oh, great, blind and deaf." "...o'er the land of the free... and the home... of the... brave..." "It's hit deep, it... it... is... out of here." "Gotta be feeling for manager huck bogart... as the hawkeyes come to bat in the bottom of the ninth trailing 6-3, with the bottom part of the order coming to the plate." " Move." "Move." " Excuse me." "Excuse me." " Move." " Excuse me." " Welsh, you getting ready for your retirement?" "I don't think so, mayor." " Always better to plan ahead, wilson." "As you did, sir." " Been checking out your land deals, mr." "Mayor." "Seems you picked up that burnt-out lumber mill, the warehouse and the store." " I bought some worthless property to help out some friends." "Worthless property that coincidentally adjoins the land the stadium sits on." " Which you're also trying to buy." "What are you saying?" " Well, essentially that as mayor, you had access to information that makes this parcel of land extremely valuable, and you resorted to criminal activity in order to acquire it." "Now, we've spoken to woody." " I don't have to listen to this." " I think that would be a confession." " I'm not sure it would stand up in a court of law, but i think in substance, we can... guys." "Ooh, understood." "Bubba dean, with three strikeouts on the ninth, steps in." "Come on, bubba, come on, boy." "Baldini looks in for the sign... and into the wind-up, kicks and deals." "Oh, he's killed dean with a high hard one." " That's taking one for the team." "Way to go, bubba!" " I guess the hawkeyes will take baserunners any way they can at this point." "They've loaded the bases with two out, down 6-3 in the bottom of the ninth." "And i guess you could say the pressure is on mystery man ace leary as he makes his way to the plate." "Ace, ace, ace... ace!" "Go get 'em, boy." "All right, hold it." " How do you plan to get away with this?" " You... you're my ticket out of here." "Leary steps back in, goes into that... unorthodox stance." "Baldini looks in, winds and delivers." "Strike one!" " Strike?" "Are you out of your mind?" "Well, well." "Two for the price of one." "Now, the three of us... we're going to leave." " How did you ever get elected mayor?" "You never got my vote." "Nice shot, brother." "Thanks." "High and in, and it's ball three." "You know, uh... i'm trying." "Yeah, i know." "Count the seams." "Count the seams, count the seams." "Count the seams, count the seams." "Count the seams, count the seams." "The season comes down to this." "Man against man, a dream on the line." "They're going crazy here!" "Ace leary has come from out of nowhere to rewrite baseball history here in willison stadium." "Yeah!" "Look at that, look at that." "Look at how i'm getting that really good extension, how i'm seeing the ball, how i'm seeing it really good." "Actually, i am the ball." "Look at that." "We got to go." " Only staying five minutes." " That's fine." "How's the foot?" " Good, good, good." "Last time i kick a wastepaper basket." " I thought it was a junkie." "Well, that sounded better." "What's in the package?" " A two-speed reversible cordless weed weasel." " See, that's what i'm talking about." "Dad's been in that building drinking for 25 years." "Last time he saw grass was on the u. s." "Open on espn." "What was it last year?" "A power sander?" "You're in denial." " I am not." " You are." " I am not." " Excuse me... sir, i'm sure it's a wonderful gift, although, as a rule, i'm not sure it's a great idea to give power tools to alcoholics." "True enough." "Sir, if i may." "You know, he is your father." "He's your only father, and there... there are probably sides to him that you don't know about." "I only say this because i had a father, my only father, and... well, my advice to you is... not to wait until he's dead to discover those sides." "It tends to be somewhat disorienting." " Constable." " Yes, sir." " Giving advice to your elders is..." " unbecoming?" " Unbecoming." "Understood." " Okay, who wants to see it again?" "Oh, you got to love this wolf." "Okay, check out the stance." "High winds in northern sky will carry you away you know you have to leave here you wish that you could stay there's four directions on this map but you're only going one way due south" "that's the way i'm going due south" "saddle up my travelling shoes i'm bound to walk away these blues"