"Shirley, I am not going through this again." "Would someone catch me up here?" "Denny got engaged." " Mazel tov?" " No mazel tov." " Who is it this time?" " Beverly Bridge." "The woman Denny "craned" in the coatroom at that charity dinner last week." "If this Bev turns out to be another Angie, oh, God!" " Angie?" " Number four." "Wife number five was no picnic either." "Clovis." "She most got him to retire, pull his equity out of the firm and move to Boca." " Clovis nearly sunk us." " Half the staff quit." "And she was drunk the day president Ford stopped by." "All right, I'll pull out Denny's last prenup, see if I can water-seal it." "Shirley, you talk to the woman." "Get her story." "Brad, check the partnership agreement." "We have to be sure there are no loopholes in the mandatory buyout in case of a partner's death or incapacity." " One thing." " What?" "Is there any remote possibility we could be overreacting here?" "I had the time of my life" "I've never felt this way before" "Yes, I swear it's the truth Oh, it's true and I owe it all to you because I had the time of my life" "I'll get the partnership agreement." "And I owe it all to you you, you, you, you, you." "Docket number 249635." "Commonwealth vs. Jerald Espenson." "Attempted murder, assault, assault with a deadly weapon, battery, sexual battery, false imprisonment, torture, terrorist threats." "Alan Shore for the preposterously charged Mr. Espenson." "Frank Ginsberg for the commonwealth." "How do you plead?" "Not guilty by reason of temporary insanity." "As to bail?" "We ask that Mr. Espenson be released on his own recognizance." " Commonwealth opposes bail." " You can't be serious!" "Your honor, this incident was an aberration." "Mr. Espenson is an upstanding member of his community, he is not a danger to society, and he has a family counting on him at home." "He has dependents?" "Her name is Linda." "Your honor, let the record show that his dependent is a gecko." "Mr. Espenson threatened to kill his boss in her place of business and has a history of violent outbursts." " He could be a flight risk." " Flight risk?" "The man can't even hail a cab." "Sorry." "It is incumbent upon the commonwealth to protect the community at large." "God forbid he's released and hurts someone else." "Bail is denied." "Defendant shall be remanded into custody immediately." "Meal worms are in the fridge." "I need to feed Linda." "I need to get home." "Jerry, I'll feed Linda." "Sexual battery, torture, terrorist threats?" "That isn't justice." "It's disproportionate retribution." "And good for you." "You've enlisted the one prosecutor who's running for DA next year." "Tell me, how big was your campaign contribution?" "And is there a matching fund here at the firm we can all go in on?" "It was sizeable, and speak to Kim in accounting." "Jerry Espenson never intended..." "Do not start defending him to me, Alan." "I agreed to defend him." "That's why he put down the knife." "No, you agreed to represent him." "No one here meant for you to defend him." "Shirley, no one is denying what this man has done to you, but he should at least get a fair trial." "Oh, by all means." "Let's get a fair trial for the man who tried to slit my throat." "Let's." "But understand that everyone at this firm is considered a witness." "Don't expect anyone to help you or speak to you." "And won't that make for a refreshing change?" "Shirley, have you talked to Denny's fiancee yet?" "I've been a little busy, Paul." "I'm working on the prenup, but we need you to find out her intentions." "You're the one with the kind eyes." "I don't do girl talk." "Do I have to remind you how serious this situation is?" "If Denny becomes incapacitated... or should I say further incapacitated, this woman could become his Nancy Reagan." "She'd have his power of attorney." "She could bring down the firm." "I'll talk to her." " Daniel." " I came to take you to lunch." " I can't." "I have a case." " What is it?" "A high school teacher is seeking a temporary restraining order against one of her student's parents." "They're hounding the woman day and night about their daughter's grades." " Helicopter parents." " Helicopter parents?" "Well, that's what they call them now, you know, parents who hover around their kids, try to control every aspect of their lives." "That would be the Gerings." "Well, cool, I'm in." "What?" "I want to second chair." "Why not?" "I got my law degree." "I keep up with my MCLEs." "Have you ever actually tried a case?" "No, but I've always wanted to." "Think of it as the make-a-wish foundation granting a dying kid his fantasy." "If that kid were a rich guy in his 40s." "Besides, I can probably help you." "I'm on the board of the Lexington school." "My kids used to go there." "We deal with helicopter parents all the time." "That could be helpful." "I would have to get the client's approval, though." "I can get that." "And I would have to get one of the partners to agree." "Looks like a partner right there." " Daniel Post." " Denny Crane." " I'm a client." " I'm a partner." " CEO, Kreisberg-Pellum." " My name's on the door." " I love the offices." " Thank you." "I love your hair." " I got a plane." " Indeed?" "Could use a little more color, though." "I'll make a note." "My fiancee sells office furniture." "Congratulations." "I'd love to meet her." "My club, Thursdays." "They serve Reubens." "I'll take you flying." "Oh, by the way, I'd like to try a case with Ms. Bauer over here." "Why not?" "See you Thursday." "Thursday." "That's what I do." "I make connections." "That's how we met, remember?" "Shirley, I believe you know my client." "Why isn't this man in jail?" "He has an excellent attorney who filed an emergency writ with the court of appeals, and the judge agreed the denial of bail was an abuse of discretion." "I'm surprised your lackey at the DA's office didn't keep you abreast of this." "Perhaps you didn't tip him enough." "He's not to be in this building." "I'll get a restraining order if I have to." "She hates me." "Tempers seem frayed all around." "That's why I'm filing for a continuance." "We'll let everyone cool down a bit, then try again for a plea bargain." "No." "A plea bargain's out of the question." "It's not guilty or nothing." "But you are guilty, Jerry." "A whole office full of people saw you do it." "One of the junior associates took a video of you on his cell phone." "He's thinking of entering it in a film festival." "No plea bargain." "Proving temporary insanity is a daunting task." "You know that." "A plea bargain is our best chance to keep you out of jail." "If I plea bargain, I'll be disbarred." "Alan, my whole life is the law." "It's all I have." "It's what I love." "You can't let them take that away from me." "Then we go to trial." "Look up any case law, any articles, news reports, anything that supports the theory that stress in the workplace can lead to an individual losing control of themselves, especially in the form of a violent outburst." "Got it." "Hello, Garrett." "You're not helping Mr. Shore on the Espenson case." "Because you're a witness." "I'm sure you're aware that would be a conflict of interest." "I was just getting him coffee." "Well, you can't do that, either." "I'll take a decaf, though." "Thanks." "Thank you." "Shirley, I know we're fighting, but there's no reason to take it out on the children." "Alan, this looks like it could be tough on you, especially since you don't have an assistant anymore." "Shirley fired you?" "Worse." "I got transferred to human resources where all the people persons are." "She's building a Chinese wall." "What's that?" "It's a legal concept." "It keeps anyone in the firm who may be involved in this case from talking to me about it." "Well, then you've got a big-ass wall around you." "Shirley's just trying to rattle my cage." "It's only a temporary transfer." "So you won't be mad if I ignore you in the hall and just look at your shoes?" "I need my job." "I'll try to wear nice shoes." "They call me at night on the weekends." "They e-mail, text-message my cell phone." "They drop by for impromptu parent-teacher conferences." "They challenge every grade, every assignment." "The last straw was when my sister was delivering her baby, and I was her coach." "They called me on my cell phone." "And when I said that Kathy was starting to crown, they asked when she'd be finished." "So we could discuss Rachel's paper on "the red pony"." "It used to be that teachers spent 80% of the time with the students." "Now we spend 80% of the time with the parents, and it's hurting the kids." "Thank you." "Um, excuse me, your honor." "Just one moment." " Judge doesn't like her." " She doesn't like me." "You know who women do find charming?" " Me." " Ms. Bauer?" "Let me ask a question, just see how it goes." " I don't know about that." " Ms. Bauer!" "Ms. Carpenter, would you say that it's true that Rachel Gering is a good student?" "Objection." "Leading the witness." "Right, sorry." "I knew that." "Sorry." "Right." "What kind of grades does Rachel get?" "She has between a B+ and an A- average." "And has the Gerings' attention done anything to change that grade?" " Not at all." " One more question." "Have the Gerings contacted any other teachers?" "All the other teachers." "The one they hounded the most was Mr. Sheehy, the math teacher." " How'd he react?" " He quit." "He couldn't take it anymore, so he took early retirement." "I'm still 20 years away from that." "I was so excited to become a teacher." "No one told me it would be this way." "Nothing further, your honor, unless, uh, you can think of anything." "I know what you want, Shirley." "And, yes, Denny does still talk about you." "He remembers his experiences with you so fondly." "Did you know that he has a position called "the Schmidt"?" "Would that be the one where I read a magazine while he lies passed out on the floor?" "That's not what I heard." "Look, Bev, I am a busy woman, so I'll just get to the point." "Who are you and what are you up to?" "Oh, we're going to have that conversation." "We are." "So you think I'm screwing" "Denny for his money and power?" " It had occurred to me." " Well, good news." "I am." "I find money and power just so appetizing." "And why did you screw him?" "I lost a bet." "Shirley, you know, I, I thought you were enlightened, but it turns out you're the worst kind of female there is." "Either you condemn a woman as a whore because she enjoys sex." "I didn't say that." "Or you assume that she's a manipulative gold digger." "Oh, Bev, you know, I've completely misread you." "Here I had you pegged as some kind of predatory shark." "I came here today with the intention of telling you that if you ever do anything to hurt my friend Denny or this firm," "I will see to it that you are hunted down legally and literally until you are penniless and left to troll airport bars looking for alcoholic pilots nearing retirement age." "But I can see I don't need to do that." "You know, it's reay hard to believe that you're the one that came up with "the Schmidt"." "So, uh, what is "the Schmidt"?" "May I cut in?" "I'm practicing for my wedding." "Come on, join me." "Why not?" "No, no, no, no, not on the one." "It's not a mambo." "It's a feeling." "Like a heartbeat." "Ka-chung, ka-chung, ka-chung!" "Shut up and dance, mister." "This case Shirley is pursuing against Jerry..." "I'm not allowed to talk out it." "Vietnamese wall." "Chinese wall." "She's pressuring the DA's office." "She's cut off all my resources here, which is fine." "It's just getting a little crowded around my hotel room with the two paralegals I've hired from Harvard?" "." "Can't hear you over the wall." "Hey, you're a natural." "Anything Denny Crane can do, I can do backwards and wearing high heels." "The feeling I get around here is that people aren't that hot on Bev." "Haven't noticed." "I don't care if nobody else likes her, but it's important to me what you think of her." "I imagine I'll like her." "No, Alan, I need a guarantee." "And I'm not talking about getting to know her and forming your own opinion." "I need you to like her." "Denny, just knowing you care for her makes me happy enough." "I'm feeling your tension." "You can't have a very strong case." "Jerry Espenson was determined to make partner." "He didn't, and that's what made him snap." "Well, what's so special about that?" "All the associates want to make partner." "It's the carrot we dangle in front of them to keep them working." "Excuse me, Denny." "Melissa, I need your help." "I need access to some personnel files." "Vietnamese wall!" "Are you concerned about Rachel's college prospects?" "Yes." "Even the state schools have taken to admitting only the best of the best." "Are you saying Ms. Carpenter isn't qualified to prepare your daughter?" "No, but we would be remiss if we didn't stay so involved." "Our most important job is to prepare Rachel for her future." "Nothing further." "Mrs. Gering, are you saying that" "Ms. Carpenter is a bad teacher?" "No, I didn't say that." "How would you rate her?" "B- minus, C-plus, what?" "I don't think I could really..." "Because she has won a teaching award so maybe if you're not giving her a good enough grade, it's your problem, not hers." "Is that possible?" "I never said..." "We know that you're involved with a lot of other teachers." "We just don't want our teacher to get lost in the shuffle." "Maybe you were having a bad day when you were evaluated her." "Objection!" "I don't think you see her potential." "We know you don't see how hard she works." "She works so hard." "The other teachers are out playing." "Traci's inside..." " Your honor!" " Ms. Bauer!" "Objection!" "They're badgering the witness!" "Of course we're badgering the witness." " You just figured that out?" " Objection sustained!" "Thank you, your honor, for sustaining the objection to the badgeng of this woman." "That's what this whole trial is about." "Let's stop the badgering." "No one should be able to do that sort of thing to anybody." "Unless they themselves are actually... a badger." "In your opinion, did Mr. Espenson seem insane to you?" "No." "He seemed to know exactly what he was doing." "He even negotiated for the services of Mr. Shore as his attorney." "He only agreed to spare my life on that condition." "Thank you." "Nothing further." "Uh, Ms. Schmidt." "Sorry, it's just these damn microphones." "I don't know if you were able to hear her clearly." "I heard some of it, and it sounded great." "Testing, one, two, three." "Testing." "Maybe if you sit a little closer." "Mr. Shore, we can all hear the witness just fine." "You can?" "Good." "It's just Ms. Schmidt and I work together, and around the office," "Shirley's considered something..." "Mr. Shore, do you have a question?" "I do." "I have here Jerry Espenson's performance reviews for the past 15 years." "Would you please read one for us?" "Pick a year, any year." "For the record, Mr. Espenson's work reviews are all excellent." "Would you like me to read one aloud for dramatic effect?" "Now that you've taken all the fun out of it, no." "How about I do it?" ""Jerry has displayed a vast knowledge of the law,"" ""delivered all assignments in a timely fashion,"" ""has consistently met with the firm's minimum billables"." "There's no denying Mr. Espenson's exceptional work habits." "Yes, and I quote," ""Jerry Espenson is not partnership material"." "What exactly did that mean?" "We're a private firm at Crane, Poole  Schmidt." "We have every right to decide what criteria by which to make people partners." "Yes, but clearly," "Jerry Espenson is not partnership material." "I mean, look at him." "He's awkward, unsociable, keeps his hands on his thighs at all times." "As I said, we have many criteria." "So you've been lying to Jerry." "Is that it?" "I beg your pardon?" "About his chances to make partner." "You never told him that he wasn't partnership material." "Quite the contrary, you encouraged him again and again to aspire to that position." "And yet, there it was, "not partnership material,"" "in his confidential file since 1990, 15 years ago." "You've been lying to Jerry" "Espenson for 15 years, haven't you?" "As you know, Mr. Shore, not everyone makes partner at our firm or any other." "Otherwise our letterhead would be 20 pages long." "But as an institutionalized practice, you keep all associates believing they have a chance to make partner, especially the exceptional ones, even if you never have any intention of doing so." "Isn't that right?" "We encourage all our attorneys to do good work." "It's their job." "That incident in the conference room a week ago with the cake knife... that really rattled you, didn't it?" " Excuse me?" " A man held a knife to your throat." "You perceived it as a grave threat." "It rattled you." "The experience was not a pleasant one." "No, I'm sure it wasn't." "But let's talk about what's really going on here, shall we?" "A gifted, eccentric and loyal employee who worked for 15 years on a promise momentarily lost control of his senses when his one dream was taken away." "And yet the DA's office has charged my client with everything short of the Lindbergh kidnapping." "Because ultimately they're just following orders from the great and powerful Schmidt, aren't they?" " Objection." "Relevance?" " Sustained." "Mr. Shore..." "Did someone move for a mistrial?" "Because I'm fine with that." "You will keep your questions relevant, Mr. Shore." "Nothing further." "When Mr. Espenson was denied partnership with the firm, was he fired?" "No, he was offered a position of counsel and was free to stay." "And what salary would Mr. Espenson have made if he'd stayed at the firm?" "Approximately $300,000 per year." "$300,000 a year?" "Sounds like a real coal mine at Crane, Poole  Schmidt." "It's not going very well, is it?" "No, it's not." "Jerry, it may be time to start thinking of who will take care of Linda if..." "You're away." "Oh, God!" "Oh, God!" "Jerry, I'm going to make a case for temporary insanity that is as compelling as it can possibly be, but it's thin at best." "And I must be frank with you." "I don't know if it will be enough." "My dad is a mathematics professor at Cornell, and he's always saying, "may I have some toast?"" "I don't understand." "He says it over and over again," ""May I have some toast?" "May I have some toast?"" "And eventually he says it enough, and someone always gives him toast." "Your father?" "He never gives up." "That's what I'm saying." "It's the toast." "Bingo." "We should never give up." "No, we won't give up, Jerry." "I felt like a cross between Clarence Darrow." "And, uh, Al Pacino in that movie where he shouts." "You are really good at trial law." "You should, um..." "Maybe next life." "Anyway, enough about me." "Let's talk about you." "Why are you getting involved with a dead guy?" "I, uh, try not to think about it." "I do find myself being strangely forthcoming with you." "Oh, so you're my count Guido." "Who?" "Count Guido da Montefeltro." "Uh, from Dante's "inferno"." "Dante meets Guido in hell." "Guido tells him that if he thought his words would ever reach the real world, he'd never reveal his true feelings to anyone." "But because he thinks Dante's dead, he tells him everything." "So you think I'm honest with you because you're, um, a dead guy?" "Something like that." "So, Guido, can I do the closing?" "It's called Asperger's syndrome." "And as you suspected, it is hereditary." "Asperger's syndrome?" "Sounds like something you cure with an ointment." "It's a form of autism." "From the behavior that you've described and from what I read in his, uh, personnel file..." "Oh, dear, however did you get hold of that?" "Jerry Espenson is a classic case." "No eye contact, strange tic-like behaviors, passion for a single subject, in this case, the law." "Sudden outbursts." "Basically their brains can't process ordinary nonverbal cues that most people use to communicate." "I know it sounds strange." "I'm not one to judge." "Do you think Jerry Espenson knows he has it?" "I doubt it." "Most adults don't know." "It wasn't even considered a disorder until 1995." "Denny." "What's this?" "It's your prenup from your last marriage." "It's hard to believe I was ever that young." "I took the liberty of drawing up a new one with some addendums." ""In the event that either party becomes physically or mentally incapacitated, their assets... "" "This isn't about protecting me." "This is about protecting the firm." "You've been through wives before, Denny, five of them." "This firm is the constant." "We're the ones who are still here, and this does look after your best interests." "You mean the best interests of the firm." "Oh, for God's sake, Denny." "Someone has to worry about this firm, and since you won't, I have to." "Because you're a senior partner, yet your name isn't on the door." "Mine is." "First name on the door." "I'm not interested in getting into an historical argument with you." "Why, because I built this firm from the ground up?" "I care about what could happen to this firm now!" "Let me tell you what'll happen to this firm if Denny Crane left." "It would dry up and blow away and you with it!" "I'm the big gun on this boat, the captain!" "And you're nothing but a skinny, overpaid deckhand!" "No, I am the deckhand who steers the ship, because the captain isn't up to it anymore!" "Get out." "Look over the new document, sign it and get it back to me today." "I'm not signing anything." "I can't believe we're here today because these parents care too much about their child." "The truth is our children are growing up in a frighteningly competitive world." "They'll face global competition the likes of which we've never seen before, and we are unprepared." "The most recent study ranked American students 16th in the world in science," "19th in the world in mathematics." "Of American 12th graders, 30% of the boys and 17% of the girls cannot read at the basic level." "This type of failure will kill our kids, and that's what George and Gigi Gering are trying to prevent." "These parents are simply trying to secure their daughter's future as best they can, a future that they know will be challenged with ever-increasing competition." "What I would have given to have parents as involved as the Gerings." "If you ask me, their daughter's lucky her parents care so much." "Before I start, um," "I know you think your parents weren't involved, but look at you." "I think you turned out super." "By the way, your honor, I'm, uh, I'm dying." " I object!" " You object." "He's trying to garner sympathy, your honor." "Not at all, your honor." "I only mean to say that my current situation gives me a unique view on life." "Sustained." "Mr. Post, proceed with your closing." "Right." "Moving on." "The Gerings want to be involved in their child's education, and they should be." "But in their zealotry, they left one thing out of the equation." "The teacher." "Because let's face it, your honor, we treat our teachers like crap." "Instead of training our educators properly and believing in them and incentivizing them with decent wages, we disrespect them, we challenge them at every turn." "And the government, in their no child left behind act, have created a monster." "Instead of teaching children to be innovative, our educators are forced to cheat to the test." "And it's been documented at nationwide, some teachers are themselves cheating on those tests, because their salaries, their bonuses, their job security are linked to the test scores." "Sit down, sit down." "And on the other side we have parents like the Gerings coming at them from all angles, questioning their every move, instead of putting their faith in them." "But they do it from a good place." "I mean, all they want is complete and utter control." "And believe me, I know all about wanting control of your life and having very little of it." "But you can't control life." "You can't control your daughter." "You can't control the teacher." "All you can do is inspire them to be innovative thinkers, people who tap into their own creativity and competence to try new things, to challenge the status quo, to make new discoveries." "And our kids will do all that and more if we just back off and let them grow." "Just my luck, one of the little bastards will come up with a cure for cancer." "They say Albert Einstein may have had Asperger's syndrome." "Thomas Jefferson." "Some say even Bill Gates exhibits certain signs of it." "Very good company." "Jerry?" "It's a relief, actually." "You think?" "I always hated that I couldn't be normal." "Turns out... it's because I'm not." "Jerry, it's also a viable defense." "We just need the psychiatrist to give you a diagnosis." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "Jerry, without a clinical diagnosis..." "With a diagnosis in court, it'll be a matter of public record." "I will be the autistic lawyer." "Forget about disbarment!" "No one will ever hire a mental case!" "Jerry, listen to me..." "No, then I certainly could never be a lawyer again." "No, no, no, no!" "After carefully reviewing the testimony, as well as my own conduct as a parent of a teenager," "I am ruling in favor of the plaintiff." " Yes!" " Mr. Post, control yourself." "Sorry, your honor." "Sorry, everybody." "Mr. and Mrs. Gering, it is plainly evident that you love your daughter, but your interest in her studies has, in my view, become interference." "Therefore, I am granting the petitioner's request for injunctive relief." "You may call Ms. Carpenter once every three weeks, and you can have one parent-teacher conference per term." "We're adjourned." " Thank you both so much." " You're welcome." "Thank you." " Nice work, counselor." " Yeah." "Oh, nuts!" "You know, I didn't get a chance to ask the court reporter to read back someone's testimony." "That would have been awesome." "Do you want to go, um, celebrate?" "You know what?" "I'll be out in a minute." "I just want to, um, savor the moment." "Okay." " Asperger's syndrome." " What?" "I wasn't familiar with it either, but these three highly regarded psychiatrists have heard of it, and they're all convinced Jerry Espenson suffers from it." "It doesn't change anything." "It actually changes a lot." "According to the Americans with disabilities act, it changes Jerry Espenson from an oddball who attacked his boss to a man who has suffered his whole life from a form of behavioral autism." "It also changes your case from a winner to a loser." "What are you looking for?" "Dismiss the charges." "No." "There's no reason to prosecute this man." "Shirley, you must have something to say about this." "I do." "I'm sorry Jerry has autism." "It explains a lot." "But what's to stop him from doing it again, from attacking someone else or worse?" "Because he wants to get better." "There's medications that can help control his outbursts, behavioral therapy to rehabilitate his social skills, occupational therapy for his tics." "It's what's fair and what's right." "Would you excuse us, please?" "Shirley, in the time that I've known you," "I've never seen you do what you're doing now." "You said to me at the outset you were looking for justice." "Jerry Espenson has been suffering needlessly his entire life." "Now he has a chance to find a measure of peace." "That's justice, Shirley, isn't it?" "You'll get him help?" "My word." "It's over?" "It is." "Jerry, it's best you leave now." "Shirley's largesse will only go so far." "I just, I want to, um..." "Good-bye, Alan." "So Guido?" "Who do you see playing me in the movie?" "I'm thinking Denzel." "I don't think this case was the stuff Oscars are made of." "To me it was." "I don't get it." "You've built a billion-dollar company from the ground up." "Why does this excite you?" "I don't know." "Having stocks, futures, it's sort of a fantasy, you know?" "You can't really see it." "But a courtroom, a judge, someone who needs my help, that I can see, smell, hear, touch, taste." "It's four stars, five senses." "I was really good in there, wasn't I?" "I imagine you'd be pretty good at anything you try." "I start chemo again tomorrow." "Okay." "Good evening." "You hate me, too, don't you?" "Bev, I don't know you well enough to hate you or love you or be indifferent to you." "Denny said you spoke your mind, but jeez Louise." "I will say the fact that everyone else at this firm does not have a favorable opinion of you is certainly a point in your favor." " Paul." " Denny." "I've got a pair of Celtic tickets for tomorrow night, if you're interested." "Thanks." " Denny." " Yeah?" "Well, I'm just surprised after our argument." "Argument?" "Denny, it was just yesterday." "Paul, I would remember if we had a fight." "We almost came to blows." "How could you not..." "Paul, would you rather rehash all that, or should we just pretend that I forgot?" "If you'll forgive me." "I left Bev on simmer." "She should be coming to a boil rather nicely now." "Hey." "My favorite girl, my favorite guy." "I warmed up your cigar for you." "Well, it's not the first time you left my stogie smoking." "Well, I'm gonna let you two young men have your time, and I ll see you later." " Bev?" " Yeah?" "Do it once before you leave." " Bev Crane." " Oh, that's my girl." "Good night, Alan." "Good evening, Bev." "So... do you like her yet?" "You promised." "I did, and I do." "I thought you would." "She has many fine qualities." "She makes my friend smile." "That's the only quality that matters." "Alan," "Bev is the woman I've always dreamed of." "An angel in the bedroom, a whore in the kitchen." "I think it's the other way around." "Not last night."