"(barking orders)" "A hundred and two..." "Now, where was I?" ""Due to the unprecedented heat wave..."" "Due to the unprecedented heat wave, Fort Baxter" "personnel will not be required to wear a tie..." "Colonel Hall." "Oh, Captain Barker." "Colonel Hall?" "Yes, Captain?" "Uh, did you okay this furlough for Sergeant Bilko?" "Yes, this is an emergency furlough." "It seems that an aunt of his up in northern Wisconsin has been afflicted with a rare disease." "Another relative, another rare disease." "Isn't it strange, Colonel, when it's bitter cold here, there's always an uncle of his in Florida who breaks down?" "Now, during the heat wave, it's an aunt up north who is stricken." "During the World Series, it was an uncle in Brooklyn who kept calling for him from his sickbed." "Now, Colonel, isn't there an obvious conclusion?" "Yes, Bilko comes from a very weak stock." "And another thing, this amateur talent show-- obviously a Bilko promotion to finance his vacation." "What's wrong with a talent show, and how do you know it's Bilko?" "Oh, "tickets, two dollars."" "Oh, yes, it's Bilko, all right." "Now, look, men, I can only point the way to culture." "I can't force you!" "Only two..." "Officer coming!" "All right, look alive." "All right." "All right, men, let's get on the ball." "Let's show Captain Barker that the heat won't stop us." "(machines whirring)" "Oh, Captain Barker, this is a surprise, sir." "Get these books over to the colonel's house." "Well, sir, the men are working so hard," "I can hardly hear what the captain is saying." "I said, "Get these books over to the colonel's house."" "Right away, sir." "Thank you, sir." "All right, men, let's get those engines moving." "Everybody... at ease." "He's gone." "He's gone." "At ease." "(whirring stops)" "Now, it's only two dollars a ticket, men." "That's all it is, two dollars a ticket!" "You... (groans)" "Peasants!" "Sarge, why don't you forg-- forget about it?" "Kadowski-- a song with a comb and tissue paper." "Fleischman singing." "They ain't gonna give us two bucks for that." "You're right." "We got to get a new name, a headliner, somebody that'll draw them in." "Hey, Sarge, get a load of this." "What is it?" "The Howitzer 1922." "Howitzer-- what's that?" "The yearbook at West Point the year the colonel graduated." "Look, here's the colonel." "Hey, he had hair." "He looks funny." "All people look funny with hair." "Get a load of this." ""Cadet Hall, John T." "Two years, Debating Team."" "Oh, get this." ""Here's to Jack Hall, who tried our patience with his endless barnyard imitations."" "(laughter)" "HENSHAW:" "Barnyard." "Can you just picture the colonel doing barnyard imitations in front of a lot of peop...?" "(laughter stops)" "What's the matter, Sarge?" "Gentlemen, we have just found the star of our show." "Calling off your talent show, huh?" "Oh, I had to, Colonel." "There's just not enough talent on the post, sir." "Talent is a rare thing, Bilko." "Oh, how right the colonel is." "Look at this measly program we prepared." ""Private Fleischman and songs that stir the heart." "Corporal Kadowski and his comb and tissue paper cadenza."" "And then I was to come on, sir." "There it is." ""Sergeant Bilko and his barnyard imitations."" "Well, I guess I won't keep you any longer, sir." "Thank you." "No, wait, Bilko." "Sir?" "You do barnyard imitations?" "Oh, yes, sir." "And if I may say so myself, sir," "I'm rather good at it." "Really?" "Would the colonel like a small sample?" "Why, I'd love it." "All right, sir." "I call this-- this is my favorite-- rooster at dawn." "(voice cracking):" "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" "That was..." "That was..." "That was a rooster?" "Yes, sir." "I call it "Crowing in the Dawn."" "You haven't been around farms very much, have you, Bilko?" "Well, not lately." "Why?" "Have the sounds changed, sir?" "About face!" "(crowing)" "Sir, there's a rooster on the post!" "Sir!" "I know how the colonel doesn't like livesto" "I'll get a detail and find him, sir." "Stop looking, Bilko." "That was no rooster, that was I." "Well, I'll fi..." "You, sir?" "Oh, the colonel is surely pulling my leg." "Oh, sir, really, the human voice couldn't capture the sound-- that authentic sound that I just heard-- of the king-of-the-henhouse arrogance, sir." "That was I, all right." "Really, sir, that is amazing, sir." "Well, I've met my match, sir." "I've done my last cock-a-doodle-doo." "Oh... now, don't take it that way, Bilko." "That was a nice cock-a-doodle-doo you did." "No, sir, you're just..." "You're just..." "You're trying to be kind, sir." "It's just..." "It just happens that I..." "You have it and I haven't, sir." "I see it, sir." "Believe me, I-I admit defeat." "I'll never do that again." "(chuckles)" "Oh, well, that rooster was nothing." "Uh, that's just part of my repertory." "Sir, your" "You do other imitations of that nature, sir?" "Oh, sure." "Oh, yes." "Oh, please, sir-- we have such little fun on the post" "I wish you would do one more or two." "Would you, sir?" "Oh, no." "Oh, please, sir, please, I beg you." "As one rooster man to another, sir." "Well, since you put it that way." "Oh, this is terribly kind of the colonel." "Nobody there." "Well, now, just this once." "(clears throat)" "Yes, sir." "Now, we'll..." "And I appreciate this, sir." "Now, we'll set the scene." "See, this is a barnyard." "And there are a lot of chickens going around, clucking on a quiet Sunday morning," "Oh." "picking up corn here and there." "Uh-huh." "And over here, there's a little dog" "behind the chicken coop." "A little dog?" "The colonel does little dogs, too." "And he runs out and he attacks the chicken, you see." "Uh-huh." "And then there's a big dog behind the barn." "A big dog, too." "And he rushes out, and he attacks the little dog." "Oh." "And then the rooster-- he stops the fight." "Oh, how interesting." "Now, here it is." "(clears throat)" "Yes, sir." "(clucking)" "(barking)" "Oh, there's the little dog!" "(frantic clucking)" "(frantic barking)" "(frantic clucking)" "(deep barking)" "Oh, here comes the big dog." "(frantic barking, clucking)" "(muffled spluttering)" "(crowing)" "(quiet clucking)" "(quiet whimpering)" "Oh, what's the matter, Bilko?" "I'll be all right, sir." "Bilko, you're crying." "Yes, I'm crying and not ashamed of it, sir." "I'm crying when I think of all the men on this post who are entertainment starved-- entertainment starved because that silly rule says professionals cannot compete in amateur contests, sir." "Oh, professional-- I'm not a professional, Bilko." "You're not, sir?" "Well, you must have had the desire sometime in the early part of your life" "to bring this entertainment to audiences, sir." "No." "Oh, well, well, to tell you the truth," "I-I did think one time about getting in touch with that Salute to the Army show that Ed Sullivan puts on." "Ed Sullivan, sir?" "I have to be privileged to say that I know him quite well." "Oh, wait till he hears that the winner of my amateur show will be on Salute to the Army, sir!" "Oh, no, an amateur show, oh, no." "Oh, sir, you have to, sir." "You" " Oh, look, I'll put you right after Kadowski's solo." "Oh, sir..." "Oh, no." "I chose a military career." "No, it'll be a triumph, sir, a triumph." "Bilko!" "Sir." "Well, you might mention to Ed Sullivan that I do, uh, starting a Tin Lizzie on a cold day." "Starting the Tin Li... (making revving noise)" "No, no, no, no, no, sir." "Save it." "Don't give it all to him." "Save that for one of the Spectaculars." "Oh, this'll be wonderful, sir." "(door closes)" "A Spectacular." "Men, I've got news for you" "Is everybody here?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I got news for you-- You got the tickets?" "(laughs)" "I got news for you about the talent show." "So have I." "Your show has been canceled." "Canceled, sir?" "Well, it was a legitimate enterprise." "It's canceled for disciplinary reasons." "Discipli" "I told you not to hang the wash on the regimental cannon!" "And, you, baking pizzas in the helmets!" "Sir, I'll question these men, believe..." "It's not your men, Bilko, it's you." "Me, sir?" "Yes, I just checked on that emergency furlough of yours to northern Wisconsin." "We had a great deal of trouble locating your aunt." "Oh, well, you see, sir, she is bedridden, and it's difficult to get her to the phone, sir." "No, she was out waterskiing." "Waterski-- waters" "Well, you see, it's that new therapy." "They get them right out of bed and get the circulation going." "That's enough, Bilko." "Enough." "I can't get over it." "Bilko, a master sergeant, lying." "(clucks tongue)" "Oh, sir, I'm really ashamed." "I don't know what got into me." "It must be this heat, sir." "My" " I have trouble perspiring." "I have small pores, you see..." "Enough, I tell you!" "Now, get those records and trucks rolling!" "I'll do that immediately." "Thank you, sir." "You heard the colonel!" "Get those records rolling!" "(machines whirring)" "Get everything" "All right, at ease!" "BARBELLA:" "Is he gone?" "WOMAN (on screen):" "And here's another chapeau that my lady will be wearing this winter." "(men chuckle)" "Sarge, you get a load of that lid?" "(bag crinkling)" "Doberman, please, not in my ear, please!" "Come on, Sarge, take it easy." "You'll get used to the heat." "Hey, look." "ANNOUNCER:" "While the country swelters, these happy GIs enjoy a well-earned vacation at the Army's new rest camp, high in the cool, cool Rocky Mountains of Colorado." "Inaugurated by the Psychological Division of the Army's Special Services, Camp Paradise is a revitalizing center for soldiers who show dangerous fatigue signs and evidences of cracking up." "My, doesn't that look refreshing?" "ALL:" "Yeah." "Doesn't that snow look cool?" "Yeah." "At the Pentagon in Washington, Major C.W. Friend explains this new project." "Our purpose is to check Army reports sent in by the men for signs of fatigue and psychiatric disturbances." "And then it's on to Camp Paradise." "Those lucky bums." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Uh, let's go." "Wait a minute, what's the rush?" "We didn't even see the cartoon!" ""We didn't even see the cartoon!"" "Got to get back to camp and send those reports in to Washington." "Reports?" "Yes, sir." "And when you list the personnel of our barracks, be sure to include the name Private Marilyn Monroe." "Marilyn Monroe in our platoon?" "Sarge, they'll think we're nuts." "Oh, they won't think we're nuts." "They'll just think we show signs of fatigue and psychiatric disturbances." "Huh?" "Yeah." "(laughs)" "Camp Paradise, here we come!" "(cheering)" "Here it is, sir." ""Private Marilyn Monroe."" "Another case of hallucination psychosis." "Yes, sir." "It's that same motor pool platoon from Kansas." "The ones who included in their transportation inventory six oxen and a yak." "Mm." "It's that heat wave." "Anything else?" "Yes, this, sir." "It's-it's a special service form where the men list the type of entertainment they want to see." "What's their request?" "Well, sir, I..." "Well, come on, come on." "What is it?" "They want to see a human sacrifice." "A human sacrifice?" "!" "Get me the air base!" "Wire ahead!" "I only hope I can get there before it's too late." "I tell you, the human sacrifice will do it every time." "(men chuckle)" ""Major Friend, on inspection tour of Fort Baxter, requests to see Sergeant Bilko's platoon immediately."" "Ha." "Get down to the airport." "The minute he arrives, bring him right over." "(barking orders)" "Now, look." "Doberman, you got the fur coat and the whip ready?" "But Sarge, I'll roast to death." "Think of the snow, that cool snow." "But Sarge, if he inspects the other outfits on the post, he's gonna suspect something." "They're normal." "They were normal." "(chuckles)" "I'm making my move." "Now, look, you guys, rest, rest, so you'll show signs of fatigue." "Ernie, what's the inside on this major coming from Washington?" "Who is he after?" "Who is he after?" "You're in quartermasters and you don't know?" "Us?" "You just won't read those alert sheets, huh?" "You won't read the bulletins, huh?" "Bulletins?" "Riley, get me...!" "Ah, it's too late." "It's about defective Army shirts." "Defective Army shirts?" "He'll have some with him to see if you know-- he wants to see if you know the tensile strength test." "But Ernie, you know we got no testing lab on this post." "You won't read the bulletins, huh?" "He'll want to know if you know the emergency tensile strength test." "The emergency tensile strength...?" "Uh-huh." "What's that?" "What's that?" "Look, I got my own problems." "Figure it out." "(grunting)" "Figure it out." "# Beautiful dreamer... #" "But Ernie, this major is from Special Services." "This is the Signal Corps." "Sure, that's the way they catch you using obsolete procedures." "Stand by, please." "Obsolete procedures?" "You won't read the bulletins, huh?" "Bulletin 647, you know, the new security code." "Ernie, who reads bulletins?" "Who?" "I read them." "I read them." "Come in, "C" Company." "Now for instance, I know that the Signal Corps has found out from upstairs, the top brass, that special messages cannot be decoded by the enemy if they're done in song." "In song?" "Now look, this is the last time I'm gonna bail you out, Grover." "These guys all right?" "Sure." "The special security song this week, "The Old Oaken Bucket."" "Shh!" "Shh!" ""The Old Oaken Bucket."" ""The Old Oaken Bucket"?" "What's that?" "Why don't you read the bulletins?" "Oh, you lucky dog, gonna get your picture in all those Army manuals?" "(chuckles)" "My picture?" "Sure, that's what the major's here for inspection-- he wants to find pictures for the right and wrong way for the cooking manuals." "My picture?" "What are you making?" "Split pea soup." "Ah." "Suppose you're making it the right way?" "Oh, sure, according to the Army manual." "You know, cook some bacon..." "What's the matter?" "They got millions of pictures showing the right way." "What they're looking for is pictures showing the wrong way." "It's a shame." "You'd have looked so good in those lights." "Oh, well, what are you gonna do?" "# Beautiful dreamer. #" "What's the wrong way to make soup?" "Now remember, you guys, just indications of what I told you to do." "Be subtle, you know?" "Hey, Sarge, Sarge, he's here!" "Oh, well, Private Doberman, that's a wonderful piston rod, and you worked it out brilliantly." "Sergeant Bilko?" "Sergeant?" "Did you call me "Ser..."?" "Major, this is a tremendous surprise!" "How do you do, sir?" "How do you do, Sergeant?" "Sergeant, I'm here because of some irregularities" "I found in your records." "Irregularities in my records?" "Well, sir, I'm sure they all check." "They're right here, sir." "Private, will you take this bag?" "Oh, thank you, sir." "Thank you?" "Private!" "Come back here, Fleischman!" "You return that bag to the major immediately!" "But Sarge..." "You return it!" "Sir, it was very nice of you." "It was a nice gesture, but the men are not allowed to accept gifts." "Thank you very much, sir..." "But Sergeant..." "No, sir, please don't apologize." "It's not your fault, sir." "It's his eyes, they're continually begging." "We call him "Sheepy" around here." "Ashamed of you, Fleischman, ashamed!" "If you wanted a bag, why didn't you say so?" "We would have knitted you one." "Now, stop that!" "But Sergeant, I merely wanted him to carry it for me." "Oh-oh-oh..." "Just to carry it?" "And I thought you were giving..." "Oh, how silly..." "All right, Fleischman, go, go." "Last touch!" "Goody!" "(giggles)" "He's overdoing it like a..." "What about the records, sir?" "Oh, now, Sergeant, we received this personnel report from you which included a Private Marilyn Monroe in your platoon." "Private Marilyn...?" "Oh, that must be a mistake, sir, due to the heat, you know." "These little things." "Oh, I see." "One of those little mistakes." "Well, of course." "Private Marilyn..." "How ridiculous." "She's a corporal." "A corporal?" "Oh, yes." "Oh, of course, of course." "Sergeant Bilko, uh, have you noticed any other unusual effects due to the heat?" "Well, none." "I mean, on the whole, my men are normal men, you see." "Of course..." "Excuse me, Sarge." "I've gotta make a phone call." "All righty." "The men are normal in every aspect of things." "They're just very happy..." "Yes?" "Hello." "Is that you, Ed?" "Private Paparelli, is this a personal call?" "Well, no, Sarge." "Well, you get back to work on the double!" "(barks order)" "Sergeant, you call that normal?" "Oh, yeah." "Private Paparelli, on the double here!" "You hang that phone back on the hook quickly!" "There's a good one." "Yes, sir, as I was saying, the men, on the whole, are very normal." "They are very proud of their work." "Normal in..." "That's right." "Oh, sir, excuse me." "You have that wrong, sir." ""Hallucinations" are with two L's, sir." ""H-A-L-L," sir..." "DOBERMAN:" "Mush!" "Mush!" "Mush, you dirty dogs, mush!" "Mush!" "Mush!" "Sergeant, who was that?" "That's Private Doberman." "He's on his way to the PX." "(chuckles)" "With a sled and dogs?" "Sir, you saw a sled and dogs?" "No, no, I didn't..." "Sir, please forgive me, but perhaps this heat is new to the major." "Perhaps a cold towel, sir?" "No, no, no, no, I'm fine." "Oh." "Well, you were asking about if the men are normal." "I say, you were asking, you were asking if the men...!" "You were asking if...!" "Oh, who can talk above this racket?" "Racket?" "Ah, there, they've stopped." "What stopped?" "The tom-toms." "Oh, the tom-toms." "Yes, sir." "And sir, you were asking if the men are normal." "Not only are they normal, they're quite industrious." "Would you like to see how some of the equipment is handled?" "Right this way, sir." "I'll..." "Zimmerman, that tire is flat!" "Blow it up!" "Yes, sir." "(blowing air)" "There's a good boy." "Good boy." "Yes, sir, I'm very proud of the men here." "And that goes..." "DOBERMAN:" "Mush!" "Mush!" "Mush!" "He's right on time." "Gung ho, Doberman!" "Sergeant, you don't honestly believe that...?" "Shh, shh, shh, just a minute." "Ah!" "They've stopped?" "What stopped, sir?" "The tom-toms!" "You hear tom-toms, sir?" "Well..." "Perhaps the heat is too much, sir, and you're a little exhausted." "Could that be?" "No, no, no, no, no, I'm not exhausted, Sergeant." "It's you and your men who are exhausted." "And I'm going to do something about it." "He's gonna do something." "Captain Barker, may I present Major Friend, sir?" "Oh, how do you do, Major?" "How are you, Captain." "I was supposed to be notified the moment you arrived." "Captain, I've seen enough of this platoon to know that..." "Major, I don't know what you've seen or heard, but please don't take this platoon as an indication of what the rest of the post is like." "Well, of course not, sir." "I was just about to show the major around the rest of the post." "You'll love our quartermaster depot." "Will you come this way, sir?" "They're a grand bunch of boys." "Yes, Major, this is Sergeant Pendleton." "We're proud of Andy around here." "Oh, he does a bang-up job." "He's got both feet solid on the ground." "I'm certainly glad to hear that." "Oh, yes, he's always up on the new Army directives, sir." "That's my shirt." "Yes, sir, Army specification number E642." "Isn't that magnificent?" "Right on the nose." "He knew it, didn't he, sir?" "Emergency test." "(fabric tears)" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Uh-huh!" "Defective." "Defective?" "But that is my..." "Shh-shh-shh!" "Don't arouse him, sir." "Good work." "Good work." "Don't arouse him, sir, please." "Pay..." "Pay attention like nothing happened, sir." "They'll be all right." "But Sergeant, does this always happen?" "Oh, good heavens, no!" "Only when there's a full moon." "Full..." "Would you like to see the Signal Corps?" "Where's Bilko?" "!" "Wh-Where is Bil... ?" "What's that?" "The major's shirt." "The major's shirt?" "!" "Yes, sir, this is Sergeant Grover's Signal Corps." "Oh, he keeps up with all the latest bulletins, sir." "(loud buzz)" "Excuse me, sir, I have a call." "Well, don't let us disturb your work." "I think we've seen enough here." "# This is Fort Baxter #" "# Hello, "C" for "Charlie" #" "# Your orders are missing #" "# I'll get Captain Schwartz #" "# Administration, we want Captain Schwartz #" "# Stand by, "C" for "Charlie," we'll find him for you #" "# Attention, all units, attention, all stations #" "# Please check "C" for "Charlie" #" "# If you see Captain Schwartz... #" "BILKO:" "# Good ol' Captain Schwartz. #" "Sir, would you like another chorus?" "No, I've heard enough, thank you." "Let's go to the mess hall." "You'll find that very interesting, sir." "You were flat." "FRIEND:" "I don't believe it." "Oh, yes, we're very proud of Sergeant Sowici." "Always thinking up new things for us." "Oh, he's grand about that." "Oh, Sergeant Sowici, you're doing your wonderful job, as usual." "What do you got for the boys today?" "Split pea soup." "Split pea soup." "Isn't that interesting?" "I must get you men out of this heat at once." "I must call Colorado." "Colorado?" "Why, sir?" "We're very happy here." "Oh, those tom-toms are starting." "BARKER:" "Bilko!" "Oh, let me show you..." "Stop right there!" "Yes, sir!" "Major, I don't know what Bilko is up to or what you've seen, but I want to assure you that the..." "I've seen and heard enough to know that this entire post needs rehabilitation." "Major, believe me, this is all Bilko's work." "He-He's up to something Ask anybody." "Ask Sowici, ask the..." "No!" "Oh, yes, split pea, sir." "I've got to get these men to Camp Paradise as soon as possible." "Camp Paradise." "Oh-ho, now I get it." "Well, well, Bilko, so that was it, huh?" "Sir..." "All right, never mind." "Quiet!" "Major, this is all a hoax to get Bilko up to that camp." "That's impossible." "After what I've seen and heard" "on this post..." "You've seen and heard the wrong person." "Major, I want you to meet Colonel Hall." "I want you to see what a levelheaded, clear-thinking, down-to-earth man is at the head of this camp." "I'll be glad to show..." "Bilko, you stay here." "I think the major will be very interested in what the colonel has to say." "Hey, Bilko, what's this all about?" "Shh!" "Where's the phone?" "Oh." "Hello, Joanie." "Joanie?" "Hey, Bilko..." "Shh!" "What?" "What is this Camp Paradise we're going to?" "I don't know, but I got an idea the colonel is coming with us." "Hello." "Let me talk to the colonel right away." "On the double!" "Colonel Hall, sir, this is Sergeant Bilko." "Congratulations, sir!" "Yes, you remember we were speaking about the Salute to the..." "Yes, The Ed Sullivan Show, yes, sir!" "There's a major from Special Service came from Washington especially to audition you, sir." "Yes, he'll be there in a moment, sir." "Any moment." "And good luck, sir!" "Thank you, Bilko." "I'll do my best." "(phone rings)" "Yes?" "Major Friend?" "Send him right in." "Colonel Hall, did you know that Major Friend came all the way from Washington because of Bilko?" "Well, I want you to give it to him firsthand, sir." "Go right ahead, Colonel." "(clucking)" "(clucking)" "(barking)" "(frantic clucking)" "(deep barking)" "(muffled spluttering)" "BARKER:" "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" "Captain Barker!" "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" "Captain Barker!" "Is he auditioning for The Ed Sullivan Show, too?" "The Ed Sullivan Show?" "I came down here to check on the signs of fatigue in Sergeant Bilko's platoon." "Fatigue?" "Bilko?" "Yes, and from the looks of things," "I'm going to have to send the entire post to Camp Paradise." "Camp Paradise?" "I've got it." "Major, you've been taken in." "We've all been taken in." "Fatigue!" "Bilko's got the sharpest, most diabolical brain." "Ah, gentlemen, Major, the men are all packed and ready to go, sir." "Ah, Bilko, all ready to go to Camp Paradise, huh?" "Oh, yes, sir." "We have the reservations." "You have a special seat on the bus right by the window so you can see the ducks, the little chickens" "and the little dog..." "Quiet!" "Bilko, nobody's going to Camp Paradise!" "Nobody, sir?" "Nobody!" "I beg to differ with you, sir." "Oh, please explain it, will you, please, Major?" "Someone is going." "Some, someone, someone is going?" "Well..." "Yes, Captain Barker." "It's an emergency case." "I've got to get him to Camp Paradise at once... (Barker wailing)" "Shame on you, Bilko!" "You took advantage of the heat when my guard was down." "Bilko, you're going to pay for..." "Oh, Captain Barker." "Oh, yes, your emergency leave paper, I..." "I'll sign it for you right now." "Captain, if you can hear me," "I want to say I'm terribly sorry." "I didn't know this would have this effect, sir." "I really didn't." "It's not your fault, Bilko." "I felt this fatigue coming on for some time." "Since when, sir?" "Since last night, Bilko." "I saw those newsreel pictures, too." "Here you are, Captain." "Oh, thank you, sir." "Speedy recovery." "Captain?" "Here you are." "You'll need these." "Happy landing, sir." "(Barker wailing)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Nicholas Saunders appeared as Captain Barker," "David White as Major Friend."