"Good evening." "Most of you have doubtless read how Anne Boleyn lost her head." "King Henry VIII, no longer fascinated, said," ""Let her be decapitated. "" "Thereupon the legend goes her ghost roamed about each night with utmost dignity and charm, with her head tucked underneath her arm." "Now with two heads it occurs to me" "I can think more clearly than with three." "However, if the worst should come, one head's a basic minimum." "Therefore, in my work," "I hardly dare to roam about without one spare." "Tonight's legend tells of modern life and how to solve a problem:" "Wife." "I was only doing 35, Officer." "What I stopped you for has got nothing to do with speeding." "Why, I don't understand." "I was driving real careful." "It's got nothing to do with your driving, either." "You've got a taillight out." "Oh?" "Well, it was all right when I left the house." "Well, it's not all right now." "Let's see your driver's license." "Oh, from Edgetown, huh?" "Yeah." "Where you headed?" "Oh, nowhere in particular." "I was just out taking a little drive." "What are you going to do about the taillight?" "I'll have it fixed first thing in the morning." "No, that's not good enough." "You can't be driving around with that taillight out." "That's how accidents happen." "Well, I don't know what I can do." "Well, you can get it fixed." "There's a gas station about a mile back, on the main highway." "Oh, well, I'll go right there." "Yeah." "See that you do." "Yep." "Fill her up?" "No." "I need a new bulb for my taillight." "And I'm in a hurry." "Everyone always is." "Here you are, mister." "What's the matter?" "You nervous or something?" "Just give me the bulb." "Don't you want me to put it in for you?" "Maybe you'd better." "Okay." "What do you make of that?" "It don't work." "Maybe the bulb's no good." "Not a chance." "It's brand new." "I just took it out of the package." "It could be defective anyway." "Nuts." "Nothing wrong with that." "What's the matter, Red?" "What's the trouble all about?" "Take a look at this bulb and tell me what you think." "Looks all right." "Put it back in and jiggle it around a little bit." "Sometimes that'll do it." "Already done that." "Nope." "Don't work." "Wait a minute." "Now, you got a defective wire." "What do you got in the trunk?" "Seems to be loaded down pretty good." "Uh, just some tools I forgot to take out at the house." "They're kind of heavy." "That's what did it." "Yeah." "One of those tools probably rubbed against a frayed wire and grounded it out." "Where's the key?" "Key?" "Yeah." "We'll open the trunk and Red can take a look at it." "Probably fix it with a piece of tape." "What's the matter?" "You sick or something?" "I only got the ignition key." "I must've left the trunk key at home." "Oh." "Well, this light's got to be fixed." "There's been a lot of accidents on this highway lately and this could cause another one." "You know, sometimes you can spring these open on these old cars." "No." "Huh?" "Well, I mean, can't you just give me a ticket and get it over with?" "Well, why?" "Well, it'd be a lot cheaper in the long run than ruining the lock." "Sure, I could give you a ticket." "But that wouldn't fix that taillight, now, would it?" "I asked you a question." "Would it?" "Well, locks are expensive." "So they're expensive." "Look, suppose a guy comes along and runs into your rear." "You know, mistakes you for a motorcycle or something." "Or maybe he's half-tanked." "Now, you both wind up in the hospital." "Is that cheaper than buying a new lock?" "No, I suppose not." "Now, I know you're afraid I'll scratch your car and that would lower the trade-in value." "You know, some of you guys make me laugh." "You treat these old cars like they're old ladies." "Red, get me a crowbar." "Sure." "It's all right." "It's all right!" "Don't be too sure." "There's no telling how long it'll stay on." "Well, at least till I get home." "You better have it fixed first thing in the morning." "I certainly will." "Just be sure you do because next time I'll give you a ticket." "Here, Red." "Okay." "What's the big hurry?" "Well, I was only going 35." "That's under the limit." "I didn't say you were speeding." "Why is it people always think they're being stopped for speeding?" "You know, the way you shot out of that gas station anybody would've thought you were on fire." "Here." "You gave him a five spot and forgot to get your change." "Well, thanks a lot, Officer." "Thanks very much." "I'm much obliged to you." "I guess it just slipped my mind." "You must have a lot on your mind to forget a five spot." "Yeah, well, I guess everybody does." "Well, thanks for bringing it to me." "It's okay." "I thought you said you lived in Edgetown." "I do." "What're you doing on this road?" "Well, I..." "I didn't feel like going right home." "I thought I'd take a little drive." "It's a little risky with that taillight." "Yeah, well, I guess it's all right now." "Well, I hope so, for your sake." "Yeah." "Oh, wait a minute." "I'll have a look for you." "Well, I got news for you." "It's out again." "It can't be." "It's out like a light." "Want to take a look?" "Don't look so worried." "You know, I just happened to think of something." "What?" "Headquarters about a mile up ahead." "Matter of fact, this road's a shortcut to it." "Headquarters?" "Yeah." "We got a mechanic there." "He'll have that trunk open in about two seconds." "He'll fix that light and it won't cost you a cent." "Well, my house is only a little ways from here." "I'll drive it there and then I'II..." "I'll get it fixed first thing in the morning." "Now, that's pretty dangerous." "You better have it fixed now." "Follow me." "Thank you." "One less mile to go." "Next week another script, another show." "When electrons glide across your screen, bringing some new and unforeseen brand of murder." "I mean the quiet kind, perpetrated solely in our mind." "A gentle thump." "A soothing splash." "No bullet, shriek or livid gash." "No stains, no fumes, no ugly splatter." "We use only the purest subject matter." "Good night."