"[MUSIC PLAYS]" " LOUIS:" "What?" " RUBY:" "It's Dad's birthday." "[NATALIE MOANS]" "Happy birthday, Dad!" "ROSS:" "Argh!" "Oh, bugger!" "Happy birthday." "[MUSIC FADES]" "[INDISTINCT MALE VOICE ON PHONE]" "NATALIE:" "I'm sorry I don't actually speak phone plan." "voice ON PHONE:" "Do you mind if I put you on hold?" " ROSS:" "Where's my shirt?" " NATALIE:" "No, no, no." "That's fine." " ROSS:" "I can't find anything." " NATALIE:" "All the time in the world." "Ta-dah!" "What are you wearing?" "It's Casual Clothes Day, Mum." "Georgia gave it to me." "I didn't know what to wear." " Sweetheart..." " LOUIS:" "What?" "Don't speak with your mouth full." "ROSS:" "Good luck." "You can't wear that." "Why not?" "voice ON PHONE:" "will be with you as soon as they can..." "You'll freeze." "VOICE ON PHONE:" "Thanks for holding." "[traffic noise]" "You're very beautiful, Kylie." "Natalie." "NEWSREADER:" "BHP -- 39.95." "Resource Pacific -- 5.96 and Rio Tinto -- 103.98." "ln the retail sector:" "Coles advanced to 15.49." "Woolworths to 18.62..." "Happy birthday." "Oh..." "Ross gets chocolate." "NATALIE:" "I can't believe you've got nits again." "I'm sorry." "LOUIS:" "Good one, Ruby." "It's nobody's fault." "It's your turn, Louis." "[SHOOTING NOISES]" "What's that noise?" " Hello?" " Will you leave my ring tones alone?" "Hi, Dad." "She's just doing Louis's big tits." "Big nits!" "I said big nits." "No, you didn't." "Swear jar!" "Ah!" "Oh!" "GREG:" "Come on boys, let's go." "Firm wrist and a hard fist." "I found this site on the internet of people having sex with animals." "What?" "Snakes, dogs, a horse." "Cool." "Come on, faster." "Pick it up." "The footy's on!" "Paris Hilton's in it!" "She's hot!" "It's not scary or anything." "I'm not scared." "The footy's on!" "Blake, leave it alone." "No, no, no." "No don't!" "They'll lose!" "They're losers anyway, you gooby giant." "Oh my God." "I can't believe you guys only have one television." "All right, all right, settle down." ""Adult themes." "Medium level violence." "Nudity." "Occasional coarse language." "MA-15 plus."" "Chloe's four." "I don't think her mum, or your mum, or your mum, would want you watching this." "Winona gave it to Blake." "[mobile PHONE rings]" "Your daughter wants to go home." "Georgia?" "Is she texting you from the lounge room?" "I can't believe she's 12 already." "I can't believe she's only 12." "Every time I look at her I feel like I need to get implants." "They're watching Jaws." "Oh, great." "We'll have Ruby in our bed for a week." "We'll save on swimming lessons." "[DOG BARKS]" "Kids!" "Come on, hurry up." "Louis, Ruby, quickly." "Quick sticks, hop in." "Found them." "They say boys do better in co-ed schools, but girls do better in single-sex schools." "Well, I've sent my boys to a private boys' school." "God knows why." "Values." "Safety." "I guess you'd lock them in a small room if you could." "And it makes no difference." "I see as many pregnancies and STDs from the private schools as the local techs." "OK." "One Pap test all done." "Thanks." "Anything else I can help you with today?" "Jesus." "Sorry." "Oh." "[PHONE RINGS] Toilet breaks?" "Why do they need all this ridiculous information?" "What?" " M.C.R. This is Rosie Singh." " MAN:" "What's this" "Ross, outside call." "Hello?" "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "[BEEPING]" "[BEEPING]" "[BEEPING]" "Natalie, do you know where you are?" "Hospital." "That's right, you're in intensive care." "Do you know how you got here?" "[MUMBLES] My mum only had to look at my dad." "Oh yes, she was so lucky." "The ambulance right there." "The doctor right there." "Then the surgeon, who's the best in the country for aneurysms was right here." "He was all scrubbed up for another operation that fell through." "I better go." "Bye." "[COMMENTARY THROUGH HEADPHONES] Every player on the ground is heading... to that bounce down." "It's a dangerous spot!" "Ohhh!" "The margin is three points." "Kayla's Mum took me to dancing class." "Dad was late picking me up." "Chloe pushed Kayla over when she said dancing was boring." "I'm going to Eve's party." "It's a fairy..." "[COMMENTARY THROUGH HEADPHONES] I'd like to see it again." "the contact or did White?" "the last quarter..." "for their seasons." "Jeff White." "Can I have my birthday there when I'm eight?" "It's okay." "Come here." "Mum's just sleeping." "LOUIS:" "Miss." "[CROWD CHEERING]" "Oh." "[LOUIS GROANS]" "Hey..." "[FOOTBALL SIREN THROUGH HEADPHONES]" "Hey, she'll be fine." "We'll be fine." "There's always next season." "GRANT:" "Where was I?" "Oh, yeah." "They're just as likely  and the first thing we'll know about it's a bill for thousands of dollars." "Last time I missed one, because her Ladyship wanted a holiday-- now we live on the Gold Coast, for Christ sakes." "Life is a holiday." "[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]" "Where was I?" "Last time you missed a body corp meeting." "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "Jesus." "[MUSIC ENDS]" "So?" "Yeah..." "No..." "It's a train wreck really." "I mean even if Nat's okay, her job's already gone." "She can't drive." "I can't take any more time off work." "They're-- restructuring, whatever that means." "[SOBS] I don't really know... what we're going to do." "Shit." "GREG:" "It's okay to cry." "Are they offering packages?" "If they are, you should take the money and leave." "Set up a little consultancy." "at twice the rate." "as a tax deduction, your expenses." "Practically everything." "It was the best thing I ever did." "Time's my own." "Nah." "Yeah." "GEORGIA:" "When you woke up, we were going to pretend that ten years had gone by," "and he was bald." "And I had a baby when I was 15." "And Louis was gay." "What?" " Blake, go and do something." " What?" "Can we have something?" "There's enough here." "Can you take them?" "Whatever." "[KIDS CHATTERING]" "So how does it happen?" "It's ah, an artery that balloons, and then bursts in your head." "But how?" "Maybe born with it." "Maybe the pill." "Smoking." "Stress." " Shitty luck." " Stress." " I did smoke." " Yeah, but who didn't?" "And took the pill, but it'd be stress." "It's an epidemic." "I wasn't stressed." "Was I?" "I did yoga." "Didn't I?" "Oh, yoga's hopeless, you might as well just lie on your bed." "You should do community singing." "You get your stress relief, your oxygen in your blood, endorphins, pleasure, happiness." "Singing with lots of people stimulates a small organ in your ear." "It's like an orgasm." "[RADIO PROGRAMMER TALKING]" " Ross?" "You okay?" " Yeah." "It's just... sometimes people forget about the person who's been doing all of the caring [DOOR OPENS] and all the worrying." "Hey, yes!" "It's good to have you back, buddy." "It's been tough being the most gorgeous guy here." "It's been tough because they didn't replace you and banned overtime." "How does that work?" "Dead air or work for love." "[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]" "50% of people with aneurysms die before they get to the hospital." "Maybe 15% of the survivors never walk or talk again." "You should buy yourself a lottery ticket." "But it won't happen again?" "Consider it a yellow card." "Soccer." "A warning, but you keep playing." "Anecdotally, most aneurysms rupture during heavy lifting, suppressing sneezes, straining on the toilet and sex." "Three out of four should be avoidable." "[VIOLIN PLAYS]" "[NATALIE CRIES, VIOLIN STOPS]" "They're just so beautiful." "I love you, Ross." "I love you, too." "And I love you, Ruby, my gorgeous girl." "I love you too, Mama." "And I love you, Louis, my beautiful boy." "Mum, what's 37 plus 16 plus 16?" "37 plus 16 plus 16 is... um..." "Sixty-nine." "Hey Mum, can I take you to school for Show and Tell?" "Maybe not." "It's only me who can't have an orgasm." "We could still have sex." " lsn't it too soon?" " I don't mean this minute." "I mean when I'm better." "You could be really boring and not get me excited." "You could go through Analogue versus Digital again." "Very funny." "I can't believe I almost died." "I'm glad you didn't." " Did the kids think I was going to die?" " No." "No, I told them you'd be fine." "What if I wasn't?" "You should have been honest." "But you are fine." "I can't imagine not being here." "What kind of a next wife would you get?" "No, I'm just thinking." "Would she be like a new me?" "Or totally new." "Tidy." "Dear Ruby," "Happy Birthday!" "15!" "I hope you're having a wonderful life." "Yes, you are too young to have sex, and don't drive with P-platers." "Don't do drugs." "Definitely..." "NOT Chroming," "Petrol-sniffing, Crystal Meth..." "Christ, this sounds like a shopping list." "You're probably a lovely, happy, healthy girl." "Eat with your mouth closed." "Sit up straight, and occasionally try and think about how the other person feels." "I love you." "I really, really, really, love you." "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "[GUTTURAL NOISE]" "MARGARET:" "Okay, big deep breath." "[GROUP INHALES] And... [GUTTURAL NOISE]" "Good..." "Jaws." "[GROUP MAKES GUTTURAL NOISES]" "Good." "Okay, chewing." "Really big." "Last, through your lips." "[GROUP MAKES BRRRRRR NOISE]" "All right, count in on two." "One... two..." "[GROUP SINGS "Row, Row Your Boat"]" "WINONA:" "Don't worry about it." "Natalie, I thought it was you." "I love your hair." "I can't believe how different you look." "Who did it?" "No one." "What do you mean?" "Aren't you telling?" "Is it a secret, special hairdresser?" "It's a wig." "Oh, that's brilliant." "I love it." "Why are you wearing a wig?" "Is it alopecia from stress?" "[SILENTLY] Cancer?" "She had an operation on her brain." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "Margaret!" "Isn't it great to see some new faces." "It's just getting bigger and bigger." "Nicotine anyone?" "Giving up smoking." "Tried everything." "Hypnotherapy, acupuncture, knitting, not drinking, drinking more." "Thanks for the class." "I feel fantastic." "Such a great communal energy." "It's really wonderful." "[UNDER HER BREATH] I don't know." "WINONA:" "My God." "I didn't think there'd be people that actually needed rehab, just a bit of stress relief." "[THROUGH EARPHONES] ...functional systems." "One: cognition, which is the information-handling aspect of behaviour..." "Two: emotionality, which concerns feelings and motivation." "And three: executive functions," "with how behaviour is expressed." "Damage to the brain-- [PLAYBACK STOPS]" "I just thought I heard Ruby." "You're still beautiful to me." "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "Jesus." "What are the poor people doing tonight?" "Well, hey, not making the same choices we do." "ROSS:" "lsn't all that property and stock market stuff about to crash anyway?" "What people believe is the reality." "You don't even have to believe it yourself." "If they believe it's going to crash, it crashes." "But then, the really clever people start buying." "Survival of the fittest." "[CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE POPS OPEN]" "Now, are you allowed?" "Oh, I don't know." "As long as it doesn't make me sneeze." "Or constipated." "Or give me an orgasm." "It's very good champagne." "[CHILDREN SINGING ""]" "LOUIS:" "Ruby has been on a bus before, hasn't she, Mum?" " RUBY:" "I have not." " LOUIS:" "Yes, you have." "Remember when we had to get the car serviced and Dad couldn't find his keys?" " RUBY:" "I wasn't born yet." " LOUIS:" "Yes, you were." "Mum had you in that little carry thing." "NATALIE:" "Can we not argue about it now." "RUBY:" "Thank you." "RUBY:" "Grace said there was no Santa." "LOUIS:" "Well, who brings all the presents then?" "Her mum." "As if." "No Mum, like this." "In there." "RUBY:" "How does one man get around the whole world in one night?" "LOUIS:" "Well, it's pretty hard for the Easter bunny, you know, to deliver all those eggs." "Or for the tooth fairy." "Or for Jesus to walk on water." "Is that what He's famous for?" "Yeah, and that He was born on Christmas day." "LOUIS:" "Roboreptile?" "Wow!" "Mum!" "Mum, I want this for Christmas!" "You've already got one of those, haven't you?" "But this is version four." "[SCREAMS] Mum, can I have this for Christmas?" "No, you'll just have to wait and see what Santa brings." "I haven't got anything for Dad." "Dad likes fruit." " NATALIE:" "Aren't they plastic?" " LOUIS:" "Plastic?" "Heather?" "We're ready for you now, if you'd like to come through." "Yes, thank you." "Now why would you bring a dog in for a radio interview?" "[RADIO ANNOUNCER] Well, we all know that dogs are a man's or indeed a woman's best friend." "can actually make you live longer?" "Our next guest, Heather Jones, from the Lost Dogs' Home is here to tell us why" "Maybe we could all leave and hire ourselves back for more money." "Well, they haven't hired anyone back from OB." "They just get a few casuals in on the cheap." "Well, maybe we start our own business." "What?" "Our own radio station?" "Oh Rosie, good score." "Did you bring any alcohol?" "Ta-dah!" "[CHILDREN TALKING AND LAUGHING]" "Purple 37." "Yep." "SANTA:" "Blue 64." "Mum, look, it's us." "Mama, look." " Go on, Ruby, go up. " " Ruby!" " No, no." "Blue 64?" "WOMAN:" "She deserves it." "LOUIS:" "You can win up to $100,000 off each ticket." " NATALIE:" "Well, yeah." " RUBY:" "Can we buy a pony?" "to get you into the holiday season..." "[MECHANICAL SANTA SINGS "Jingle Bells"]" "LOUIS:" "We've never won anything before." "RUBY:" "I won an Easter egg in the colouring competition." "NATALIE:" "Yeah, but that was skill, not luck." "LOUIS:" "You told me it was just bad luck when I didn't win." "That time I tried my hardest." "NATALIE:" "Well." "LOUIS:" "Oh, no." "NATALIE:" "What?" "LOUIS:" "Do we really have to wait for Dad?" "NATALIE:" "He won't be long." "[MEN CHEERING AND WHISTLING]" "I'll never get another job." "I can't do anything else." "I always liked the idea of myself having a little mechanics business." "Vintage cars." "Wearing overalls." "I can just see you in overalls." "Maybe renting out boats to people in Narooma." "I caught a flathead there once." "There you go, you rent a boat off Ross and go fishing full-time." "Maybe." "Who suggested this?" "The sound quality is appalling." "RUBY:" "I want a swimming pool." "LOUIS:" "I want a basketball hoop." "And a bike!" " Matt's dad bought him a Signature XRM." " A what?" "LOUIS:" "A motor bike." "Why would anybody get something so risky?" "Two dollars!" "That makes it eight bucks." "The tickets cost ten." "I wish we'd won that hamper." "That second prize." "It was fantastic." "Yeah." "Dad, you should have seen it." "There was like a million toys and lollies." "I'm going to ask Santa for one." " I can't wait." " I can't wait." "RUBY:" "I can't wait more than you can't wait." "What?" " You're such a knob." " RUBY:" "I'm not a knob." "Maybe we should go to church tonight." "So the kids understand what it's really about." "Give it some meaning." "Well, I for one would love to, but I have to do my Christmas shopping tonight." "On Christmas Eve?" "[CONGREGATION SINGING "O Come All Ye Faithful"]" "The reading today is from the Gospel of St Luke, Chapter 2." ""And it came to pass in those days..." "from Caesar Augustus... that all the world should be taxed--"" "Thank you very much." "See you next week." " Hi, Natalie!" "How are you?" " Hi." "Good." "I didn't realise that you were a church person." "I'm new." "[KIDS RUNNING] Katie goes to church every week!" "That's lovely..." "Ruby." "So is the choir a church thing?" "Yeah, sort of." "It's my outreach thing." "Right." "[A CAPPELLA SINGING, RUBY GROANS]" "Jesus." "I can't lift her." "I'm not allowed." "[RUBY CRIES]" "[RECORDED MESSAGE ON PHONE]" "You really don't have to stay." "We can get a taxi home." "It's OK." "It's good." "I haven't got" "Taxis might be hard to find." "Or full of vomit." "It is Christmas." "Are you coming back to choir in the new year?" "I'm not really sure what nights the kids have their stuff on next year." "I do violin and swimming, and dancing, and I'm starting netball." "The violin." "God knows why." "I don't know anyone who even listens to classical music." "God does know why." "Oh, God, sorry." "Oh." "[MOBILE PHONE RINGS]" "Hey, Dad." "We're at the hospital." "No, it's not Mum." "It's Ruby." "Yeah, she fell." "There was blood everywhere." "[DOG BARKS]" "[CAR APPROACHES]" "[CAR DOORS CLOSE] NATALIE:" "Come on." "I got six stitches." "Oh, dear!" "We came home with a priest!" "ROSS:" "Priest?" "NATALIE:" "Come on, big day tomorrow." "Christmas Day!" "Santa's coming, Santa's coming." "I'm sorry." "I forgot to charge my phone." "That's okay." "I know." "I know it's too much, but how do you go back to giving them a skipping rope and an orange, when all their friends are getting the new iPod and the new X-box." "I just want them to be happy." "It's Christmas." "I've had it." "Can you please stay up until they've gone to sleep and put the sacks under the tree?" "And do the carrots?" "Louis put the carrots out." "Someone has to eat them." "Like a reindeer." "[DOG WHIMPERS]" "Do you want your present now?" "No." "I want to go to sleep." "And I don't want a present that means more work." "If that's what I think it is, you can just take it back." "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "LOUIS:" "Hello." "[MUSIC ENDS]" "Mum, can we get a boat?" "So who are we then?" "Are we more like the man in the gutter, or the people with the boat?" "We're in the middle." "Would you say we were middle class, Ross?" "What?" "We're in the middle." "But not in the middle of the middle." "I wish we were a bit more in the middle of the middle." "Chicken nuggets!" "Mrs Leary says no chicken should have to die to be a nugget." "$5 max each." "A happy meal is $5." "It won't be a real happy meal." "[MUSIC PLAYS] You get a toy." "That's a happy meal." "It's not." "We're not at McDonalds you idiot." "Mum!" "There." "Go, go left." "Here." "Sorry." "It's the other way." "I used to be able to read maps." "Well, maybe you're just tired today." "I'm not tired." "My whole brain's changed." "Have I changed?" "Have I changed, kids?" "ROSS:" "Don't ask them that." "They're not listening." "Nobody listens." "ROSS:" "What?" "[TYRE SCREECHES, GLASS BREAKING]" "Oh!" "Are you all right?" "Are you okay?" "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" "Sorry, I thought I had right of way" "Sorry?" "You could have fucking killed me." "You fucking stupid tourists and your fucking theme parks." "Why don't you stay in your frigid little fucking suburbs?" "Fuck!" "How can the suburbs be frigid and fucking?" "I think this lilo has a slow leak." "What are we going to do if we can't get the car fixed by Friday?" "I hope they write it off." "We can't even afford the excess." "I've got to get a job." "GRANT:" "Oh, you're lucky you're working." "we'd be up the creek." "They don't offer you jobs at 61." "My dad lived until he was 88." "RUBY:" "Jump in!" "We worked, we paid taxes so we'd get the pension when we were older." "And now it's just superannuation... and tax advice and you end up with the bloody same situation." "Financial advisors." "You know, there used to be no such thing as dog food." "They just used to eat scraps." "It's a whole industry built on air." "I wish they wouldn't change the packaging," "I forget which one I get." "There's so many." "Don't ask me." "I get a headache, I call an ambulance." "That won't happen again?" "Have you got nit stuff for the kids' baths?" "Already." "I'd forget I'd bought it and get more next Christmas." "I'm forgetting a lot these days." "You're preaching to the choir, dear." "[ANNOUNCEMENT ON P.A.]" "[CHOIR SINGS "Hands Up In the Air"]" "You might be thinking it's too hot." "It's too hard." "It's too early for a practice game." "But where would we be if they'd thought like that at Gallipoli?" ""What are your legs?" "Steel springs." "What are they going to do?" "Hurl me down that track."" "GREG:" "But the ANZACS didn't let their mates down, didn't let themselves down." "[AEROPLANE FLYING OVERHEAD] All mates." "All volunteers." "Ross, you've never been Assistant Coach before have you?" "[MUSIC STARTS] ... carrying your country's honour on your back." "Didn't we lose at Gallipoli?" "Oy!" "Umpire!" "Run and tell Louis and Thommo... neutralise the big kid from Altona." "[HORN AND WHISTLE BLOWS]" "Team up on him." "Trip him, sledge him." "They've got to learn." "Right, ah..." "Just ah..." "Just do your best, all right?" "Try harder." "Yep." "[HORN BLOWS]" "[DOG GROWLS]" "Oh..." "It's not going to fit." "Just get rid of a couple." "I can't." "There has to be 42." "They're all the gods of the afterlife." "You have to confess to them to get into heaven." "It's heaps cool." "42 confessions?" "Are there 42 sins?" "Yeah." ""Number 35." "I have not fouled running water."" ""Number 32." "I have not multiplied my speech beyond what should be said."" "The God of Babbling." "Hah!" "I'd never get into heaven." "I feel like I haven't shut up for ten years." "You know, I used to have this boyfriend... who used to say I drove him nuts because I never spoke." ""Number 8." "I have not eaten my heart."" "Now, as a group, you've got 15 minutes to decide" "to escape the end of the world." "Okay, now you don't know what we're looking for, so just be yourselves." "Over to you." "Princess Di would have to go." "She was so spiritual." "Spiritual?" "You've got the Pope here." "But he's only spiritual for the Catholics." "Stephen Hawking for sure, we need his brain." "But who would look after him?" "Well, maybe Princess Di, seeing as she's so spiritual." "I like Clive Owen." "[PHONE RINGS]" "I can't believe they left Princess Di behind." "I can't believe they had to go in an airship." "TV:" "A lucky escape for this zebra..." "The blonde one's the hottest." "I hate fat chicks." "So where are you going for this adults-only weekend?" "Just the Hyatt." "Revealing my new tattoo to Greg... very slowly." "A tattoo?" "You've got to be on to it." "You know that I'm the same age Mandy was when Greg left her for me." "Oh," "I don't think that he would" "I don't know, he's so distracted lately." "Just gets on top, pumps away... then..." "[IMITATES SNORING]" "GEORGIA:" "I like Daniel Cross best." "Or him." "He's gorgeous." "LOUIS:" "Yeah." "He's all right." "He's just been injury-plagued this season." "[DOOR OPENS]" "Why aren't you watching the DVD?" "Please." "Like, we're not in kindergarten." "Keep the door open." "Yeah, right." "Oh, my God." "No offence." "Just, you know." "I just feel like I'm missing out." "How many times a week do you guys have sex?" "The kids okay?" "They're watching High School something." "[RUBY SCREAMS] CHLOE:" "That's horrible." "BLAKE:" "Oh, that's gross." "I didn't think it was scary." " GEORGIA:" "Oh, my God." " RUBY:" "Yuk." "Is it dead?" "Did we kill it?" " Let's have a funeral." " Yes!" "I want to be a nun when I grow up." "I think it's really cool what they get to wear." "You have to be a virgin." "You're such a runt." "Yeah, and you have to believe in God." "Mum, do we believe in God?" "Um..." "I guess it's up to everyone to decide for themselves as they grow up, but-- it is nice to believe in things." "[KNOCK ON DOOR] She's here!" "CHLOE:" "Oh, my God." "We thank the Lord for this happy family, and the gifts they have been given, and pray that they have strength and health." "We thank the Lord for the pleasure that Puffybrains has given the children." "And pray that all God's creatures, great and small, are given the same love and care the world over." "Amen." "Can we sing a song?" "I think that's a good idea." "[SINGING]  and through!" "Bulldogs bite and Bulldogs roar, we give our very best," "But you can't beat the boys of the Bulldog breed." "We're the team of the mighty west." " Yeah." " Woo!" "BOY:" "Have you guys got any card" " Hey Dad." " Hi, Uncle Ross." " Hey." " Hi, Uncle Ross." "We had a funeral for Puffybrains." "The fish?" "And Margaret kindly" "Margaret?" "Margie Allen." "Oh!" "You're Margie Allen!" "Local Talent." "The band?" "I didn't even recognise you." "Oh God, I loved that song." "Sex-- something?" " Sex?" " Sex Symbol." "One hit wonders." "You remember the eighties?" "NATALIE:" "Ross is the only one." "behind the mixing desk." "No, but you were great live." "I mean you were" "I remember this one gig at the Prince and you" "It's great." "I can't believe Louis cared so much about that fish." "He barely looked at it when it was alive." "I can't believe your Margaret is Margie Allen." "Still, I guess she did have a pretty serious drug problem." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Well, you know, most converts come off a pretty low base, don't they?" "Then they can't wait to inflict their beliefs on everyone else." "Worse than ex-smokers." "She just believes what she believes." "She tried to convert you?" "Has she?" "Hey? "Praise the Lord!"." "No." "Well, I wouldn't let her baby-sit." "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "[MUSIC ENDS]" "Why don't you just get on top and start, so we don't have time to get... thingy... and we can worry about it being good once we've got the first time out of the way." "Gee, you make it sound so attractive." "Well, don't then." "ROSS:" "Where are the condoms?" " ROSS:" "What?" " NATALIE:" "I don't know." "Why can't I ever find anything in this bloody house?" "[AUTOMATED PHONE VOICE] For paying accounts, press 2." "RUBY:" "I can't decide where to have my birthday party." "We might not have one this year." "What?" "But Louis went to Laser Force." "And I haven't been to La La Land, Tickety Boo, the Fairy Cave" "I'm sure I remember you going to the Fairy Cave." "Not for my birthday." "That's when you get to sit on the fairy throne!" "Can I have a make-over party like Georgia had?" " No way!" " Just at home?" "You're turning eight, Ruby." "Come on." "Can you hurry up?" "Have you even cleaned your teeth, Louis?" "Come on." "I'm going to be late for work." "You're not even dressed yet, Mum." "[PHONE VOICE] Press 2." "Yes, I am." "ROSS:" "Has anyone seen my car keys?" "We need to get some order around here." "I try and keep order, but you try living with people... who put stuff back in a new place every time." "I can always find things in my shed." "That's because nobody else will go near it." "We all have to have the same order." "You can't just have your own Selfish Bastard Order." "Swear jar!" "Alright, don't get stressed." "If you don't want me to be stressed, you could do a bit more around here." "I help out a lot." "It's not about "help"." "It's about taking stuff on." "Me giving you the shopping list is not the same as you doing the shopping." "Dad, can I have a make-over party for my birthday this year?" "Georgia had one." "Ah..." " Yes, I don't see why not." " Yes!" "Your decision, your job." "I was just-- Urgh..." "GREG:" "Just get yourself a party company." "she's just turning eight." "when Georgia turned 13." "You can claim that though." "You know in some countries they don't have a Rich List?" "They have a Highest Taxpayer List." "Like-- why?" "You know, for pride." "[BOTH GROANING]" "[RATTLING SOUND] RUBY:" "Ooo, ooo, ooo!" "ROSS:" "Popcorn." "[LABEL MACHINE BEEPING]" "Can I help with anything?" "We're right, thanks." "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "Right, first up we have Paris." "[CHEERING]" "ROSS:" "Thank you, Paris." "Next we have Graydon." "Nice work, Graydon, thank you." "Now we have Nikki." "Great work." "And now, last but not least, the birthday girl herself, it's Ruby!" "[CHEERING]" "Do you want a go?" "Here's Ruby!" "[CHEERING CONTINUES]" "Big round of applause for Ruby." "Fantastic stuff." "My tooth-- I have to find it for the tooth fairy!" "ROSS:" "It's alright Ruby, we'll find it." "There we go." "There you are." "You go put that in a" "[MUSIC STOPS]" "[CLOCK TICKING]" "Who cut it last time?" "Oh, no one." "No one didn't do a very good job, did they?" "[CRIES]" "Shit!" "[MUSIC STARTS]" "GUEST:" "Satiety, the feeling that you've had enough to eat, is affected by a huge list of factors, from how we're feeling psychologically, to whether we've grown up" "to a family's cooking, to whether we eat in front of the telly," "have quirks in their appetite centres." "Maybe I should just jump before I'm pushed." "Tim's keen to start a business." "Con got a gig on the Sherbet reunion tour." "Oh." "Oh, I don't know what to do." "I don't know what to do either." "About us... about" "I bought some condoms." "[SNEEZES]" "[COUGHS]" "WOMAN:" "Yes, I understand that, but" "BUNNY:" "Easter Egg." "WOMAN:" "I understand that you're upset." "Customer Relations." "Can I get your account details please?" "BUNNY:" "Egg?" "But Madam, I'm not in India." "I'm in Australia." "Yeah, yeah, I promise you." " BUNNY:" "Take a bloody egg." " MAN:" "I know I sound" "Hello?" "Hello?" "She's the team leader." "Be nice to her." "Sick-leave is at her discretion." "Oh..." "[SNIFFS]" "[SNEEZES] Ah!" "Umm... sorry." "I had to sneeze." "I..." "I can't suppress them." "I had an aneurysm." "I knew a guy who had one of those." "He died." "MARGARET:" "Death." "Loneliness." "Fear." "that hasn't turned out the way we thought it would." "the safety of our children, the care of our aged, disabled and sick." " Our feelings of hopelessness." " MOTHER:" "Shh." "Girls, stop it!" "How can we live like this?" "How can we have so little respect for our wonderfully complex world?" "Answer:" "We can't." "We need God." "God, who can take the burden from our shoulders." "Go in peace to love and serve the Lord." "CONGREGATION:" "Amen." "Ruby, come play with us." "How do you do it?" "You know..." "This." "You accept Jesus died for you." "Well I can do that." "It's not up to me to say why He died." "And that He's the son of God." "As a metaphor?" "Like..." "God creating the world in seven days?" "Or... do you actually have to believe that He--?" "I believe He did." "And Jesus died?" "And rose up?" "And heaven?" "Like it's a... place?" "Where you and I could have a glass of wine?" "[MUSIC FROM TV]" "[MUSIC STOPS]" "Where's Friday night footy?" "It's Good Friday." "So?" "It's like Christmas." "Religious significance." "But what if you're, like, Jewish or Muslim?" "Why can't they have their footy?" "Well..." "INSTRUCTOR ON VIDEO:" "We'll be showing you a series of..." "will help to tone... and strengthen your entire body, especially your thighs, abs and butt." "We'll be showing you moves  will form a fantastic, sexy routine." "Great for fitness or for fun..." "[RUMBLlNG]" "[RUMBLING REDUCES]" "[MACHINE CYCLE ENDS]" "[CLUNK]" "[DOOR OPENS]" "RUBY:" "Flunker, flunker, shtunker." "LOUIS:" "Hey, Mum." "Victory!" "We got Storage Solutions." "Storage Solutions." "ROSS:" "Why's the power off?" "Dryer blew up." "My punishment for using it when it wasn't raining." "[A CAPPELLA SONG STARTS]" "[CLEARS THROAT]" "[SONG ENDS]" "Should I do the eggs for the kids?" "They had eggs last night." "There's left-over chicken in the fridge." "Easter eggs." "Didn't really get any." "What about the Easter bunny?" "Surely they're old enough to cope without him." "Children their age work in mines." "[A CAPPELLA SONG RESTARTS]" "Just those, thanks mate." "[REGISTER BEEPING]" "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "NATALIE:" "Kids, come on, hurry up." "RUBY:" "Mum, my tooth's really wobbly." "NATALIE:" "Well, just keep wobbling it." "RUBY:" "It's really loose." " LOUIS:" "My head's itchy." " NATALIE:" "Jesus!" "[DOG BARKING]" "[DOG SNARLS, CHILDREN SCREAM]" "RUBY:" "Get it off!" "WOMAN:" "Are you all right?" "No, I'm not all right." "Is that your dog?" "No, no." "I was just trying to help." " Oh." "I'm... sorry." " I'll call the council." "WOMAN:" "I'll give you a lift to the vet." "Is she going to be all right?" "She's going to be fine." "Where did you get that?" "New contract caterers have taken over the canteen." "Bite?" "Is it the church one?" "The one that has the burger chain and runs the prisons?" "I don't know." "It's a hot dog." "It comes with mustard and onions." "Tim, you know you're not supposed to be eating near the equipment anyway." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "[PHONE RINGING]" "[SOFTLY] The dog was very big, with one of those massive heads and jaws." "I rushed to protect my children." "Ho ho." "Customer Relations." "NATALIE:" "I thought it was bigger than that." "RUBY:" "It looks cute." "Is that the same dog?" "I can't do it." "I can't be responsible for putting a dog down." "What if it attacks another puppy?" "NATALIE:" "Yeah, but what if it... was on heat or something, and just got out that once?" "What if it's some family's pet?" "RUBY:" "What if it attacked a baby?" "Well, you can't kill something just in case it does something." "They're going to kill it?" "That's what "putting down" means, Lou." "ROSS:" "You don't have to reply." "NATALIE:" "Well, something happens if you do nothing." "Tell the truth." "But what truth?" "RUBY:" "Mum." "Well, that Bubblehead's at the vet on life support that we can't afford." "Mum, you told me that Bubblehead would be all right." "Maybe you should have been honest." "RUBY:" "My tooth came out." "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "[CHEERING]" "GREG:" "Okay." "We're in front." "We've only got a minute left." "Ross, tell them to maintain possession." "Backwards passes, round the outside." "Stall." "No kicks for goal." "Boys, to me." "Listen, maintain possession." "Small passes." "Don't let them get their hands on it." "All right?" "And no shots for goal." "Okay?" "[WHISTLE BLOWS]" "GREG:" "Louis, no kicks for goal!" "Pass it back, Louis!" "GREG:" "Kick it backwards." "[CROWDS SHOUTS DISAPPROVINGLY]" "BOY:" "Louis," "Louis, over here." "To me!" "GREG:" "Good boy." "[SIREN BLARES] Yes!" "[MUSIC ENDS]" "They should just play the game." "It doesn't matter who wins." "Just because it doesn't matter to you." "They've worked really hard all season." "It's the Under 12s." " Louis wanted to win." " Louis wanted to play the game." "Using tactics is the game." "It's not chess, Ross!" "It's a bunch of kids running around a field with a ball, playing." "God, you're turning into Greg." "What?" "Into a man who looks after his family?" "Spend his time with his kids?" "From three wives that I bet he cheated on." "Like he cheats on his tax." "How long has it been?" "18 days." "Wow, it's like a record, even for the tooth fairy." "I don't think she's going to come." "She will." "NATALIE:" "It's not like you were ever a blokey bloke." "You still haven't fixed the dryer." "You can't put this lkea stuff together." "You burn everything on the barbecue." "You're a crap driver." "And now it's all this blokey crap football crap instead of fair play." " Fair play?" " Yeah." "You know, ever since you started going to church" "What the fuck has church got to do with it?" "Margaret sucked you in when you were vulnerable." "Maybe I needed someone." "Right, but not me." "Not the bloke who sat by your bed for ten days while you nearly died." "You did die." "Did you even think for one second... what that was like for me?" "I was unconscious." "Oh, right." "So that means I wasn't really there." "She listens." "I spend my whole life listening, Nat." "I do nothing but listen." "And what do you listen to, Ross?" "Background noise and... decibels, and... whether or not people can... sing in tune!" "[SOBS]" "There's mess everywhere." " Hi." " Hi!" "I hope you don't mind me -- You look great." "Um, what do you think?" "Too much?" "Too much for--?" "I've got a date." "MARGARET:" "He's a little bit older than that." " Does he know you're a priest?" " Not yet." "We've only met for coffee, but I felt like there was really something" "I like Paul." "The name." "The apostle." "The Beatle." "Come with me." "On your date?" "Please." "Please come." "We can say we just bumped in to each other." "No." "I'll just say I wanted him to meet one of my friends." "MARGARET:" "What kind of guy would arrange to meet here?" "Well, not an epileptic." "I suppose they give heaps back to charity through taxes." "Robbing the poor to give to the poor." "I really should go." "Please stay." "Just 'til he comes." "LOUIS:" "We didn't try and cheat, did we, Dad?" "ROSS:" "No, Louis, we didn't." "There are your friends." "Go." "Have fun." "I'll meet you back here at nine." "Can we see that, Dad?" "Look, I think we might go visit Uncle Greg." "[DOOR SLAMS]" " RUBY:" "Hi." " WlNONA:" "Hi." "RUBY:" "What are you buying?" "GREG:" "Auntie Winona thinks we need a new kitchen." "I have no idea why, this one's practically brand new." "Well, A, it's a carbon neutral nightmare." "B, Adrienne can never clean it properly." "And C, I obviously don't get enough sex." "Don't you ever marry an older man, Ruby." "who's young and hot, and who's prepared to lick honey off your toes." "Can't fight with Winona." "All our unencumbered stuff - the house, the blue-chips... they're in her name." "All the high-risk stuff - the margin-lending... that's in my name." "Everything's geared against everything else." "It's so complex." "I don't know whether we're winning or losing most of the time." "Capitalism, it's exhausting." "[MOBILE PHONE BEEPS]" "I don't know what God wants for me." "Why does He give me these feelings, then not answer my prayers?" "I still want to... share my life with someone." "As well as God." "I've been trying to pray." "I'm sorry," "I just can't believe in something having control." "I've tried." "Believe me, it would have been so much easier than, you know..." "Why am I here?" "What's it all for?" "Who's steering the boat?" "Me believing in God is..." "like you believing in Santa Claus." "I do believe in Santa Claus." "Seriously, do you think that I will go to hell if I don't believe in God?" "It's not me." "It's what it says in the bible." "It's what God says." " One more drink?" " Yeah." "Have a go." "Oh, aren't priests allowed?" "No, it's not" "Well, it's trying to get something for nothing." "And someone has to lose for you to win, so it's not loving your neighbour." "Isn't faith a gamble?" "No." "It's faith." "Go on." "I dare you." "See if God punishes us." "Go on." "One little push." "Here we go." "[WINNING TONE ON MACHINE PLAYS]" "Oooo..." "[MUSIC CONTINUES ON MACHINE]" "[SOUND OF A HORSE WHINNYING]" "Hey." "Hello." "Having a good night?" "I'm just waiting for my friends." "They're still in the movie." "Didn't you like it?" "What's it about?" "Mostly boys kissing girls." "You prefer boys?" "To what?" " ." " Depends." " On what?" " On what you're doing." "Girls aren't as good at football." "Except for Stacey." "She's fantastic." "I guess I meant-- you know, sexy things." "I don't know." "I'm waiting til puberty 'til I decide." "How old are you?" " Twelve." " Oh." "You're a big boy for 12." " So who do you barrack for?" " 'Pies." "And he's gone!" "Holding the ball." "What?" "Come on." "Why didn't you like the movie?" "It was supposed to be funny." "You should have rung me." "I don't have a phone." "Can I get one?" "Maybe." "Look, I should have encouraged you to take that shot at goal." "But I might have missed." "They might have got the ball, and they might have won." "We won." "Yeah..." "Yeah." "["You Sexy Thing" PLAYS]" "Yeah!" "Whoa!" "[CROWD CHEERS]" "[SINGING] I believe in miracles." "Where you from, you sexy thing?" "I believe in miracles." "Where you from, you sexy thing?" "[MUSIC ENDS, DOOR CLOSES]" "[COINS RATTLlNG]" "Oh!" "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "[MUSIC ENDS]" "Mr Burton, you can come through now." "I'm scared I've used up all my luck winning that stupid money." "It can't change anything." "It is $25,000." "It'd barely dint the mortgage." "We've got 38 nit combs." "What's Margaret doing with her share?" "She gave hers to missionaries in South America." "Well, maybe we should give ours away." "You know, to the poor kids in Africa." "I don't want to give it to Africa... when there are people far richer having... facials and we've got a big fat mortgage." "And I'd still go to hell." "Because I don't believe in God." "Have no faith." "No belief." "Nothing." " Neither do I." " Well, maybe you don't need anything." "No, it's not that." "It's just that..." "It's just that God isn't my explanation for stuff." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "Nerve-wracking, isn't it?" "I just hope I fit in the machine." "Well, that's all you can do, isn't it?" "MAN:" "Yep." "Hope." "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "rosie:" "Guess what?" "I was just upstairs." "Guess who they've made redundant?" "Me?" "Howard!" "And guess who they asked to take over his job as supervisor?" "Me." "[CROWD NOISE COMMENTATINGOVERTV ]" "RUBY:" "Dad!" "ROSS:" "Hey, how are you?" "Have you had a good day?" "RUBY:" "Yep." " ROSS:" "How are you, Chloe?" " CHLOE:" "Good." "Bloody traffic." "Can I use your phone?" "[CHEERING ON TV]" "ROSS:" "Oh, mate." "Are you okay?" "We did it." "We're in the Finals." "I wasn't even wearing my lucky beanie." "Or my socks." "[CROWD SINGING BULLDOGS SONG]" "[PHONE RINGS]" "Hello?" "I'm sorry, I lost my phone." "I'm just picking up the kids now." "Are you still at the doctor's?" "Do you want to hear the good news or the good news?" "emotional retardation, everything is fine." "I wouldn't call it emotional retardation." "No." "What would you call it?" "Gifted?" "You are." "Emotionally gifted." "Shall I pick you up?" "Um..." "No, no, no." "I'm on the bus." "I'll see you when I get home." "Okay?" " Bye." " Bye." "Love you." "ROSS:" "I love you" "For an event champagne you can pay thousands." "The best one we have here is this Jacquesson, which is $330." "Wooo!" "Is it three times better than that one?" "No." "They go up by smaller and smaller degrees." "And sometimes not at all." "But um... it's the emotion you're buying." "The declaration." "Um..." "I -- take that one." "$30." "Right." "[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]" "[NATALIE humming]" "NATALIE:" "Oh..." "Bugger, there goes my surprise." "ROSS:" "Sorry." "Happy early birthday." "And," "I got you a cow in Sri Lanka, so you'd have two." "Where are the kids?" "They're at Greg's." "He's bought them some new game." "I'm happy." "I know, it's good, isn't it?" "I mean I've still got my yellow card, but I'm still in the game." "For my next wife," "I'd choose you again." "[MUSIC PLAYS]" "Do you know, more copies of the Ikea catalogue are distributed each year than the bible?" "That makes it the world's number one book." "First control lkea, the universe will follow." "[MUSIC CONTINUES]" "LOUIS:" "Go, Doggies." "[ENGLISH SDH]"