"DENNIS:" "Uh..." "I feel like you guys should have, like, dressed upa little bit for this." "CHARLIE:" "No, no, it sends the wrong image, you know?" "Uh, we're not sellinga game for squares, we're selling a game for, like, everyday people like us, man." "DENNIS:" "Yeah, that'sa good point." "MAC:" "Oh, Frank, Frank, Frank." "You will never guesswhat happened." "Okay." "So this guy comes in, right?" "We think he's justa regular customer." "We start chatting him up." "Turns out, he's anexecutive at Mattel." "DEE:" "Yeah, so of coursewe start talking to him about Chardee MacDennis, and he seemed totally into it." "Yeah, he's comingby today, man." "We're gonnapitch it to him." "Maybe we could, uh, work in some of the ideasl've been suggesting." "Those aren't "ideas" as much as they are... random actsof violence." "Well, you see, when I was a kid, games were much more violent." "I mean, we used to play "Purple Nurple,"" ""Sock Full of Quarters,""Kick the Jew"..." "DEE:" "No, why don't youtry winning one time?" "And then you can startthrowing in new rules." "How about we just changethe name of the game then?" ""Franken MacChardeeden."" "MAC:" "What?" "That's terrible." "First of all, your name isn't "Franken."" "Secondly, Chardee MacDennisis just a working title." "Technically, we're stilling arbitration." "Last we left it, Dee had filibustered, and Charlie hada motion pending." "And I will not yieldto the gentleman." "'Cause you have no honor, you goddamn bitch." "You have no honor!" "You see what I'm talking about--it's a whole thing, Frank." "Then let's call it "ChardeeMacDennis 2:" "Electric Boogaloo."" "What?" "What are youtalking about?" "What does that haveto do with anything?" "What made you justthink of that?" "It's not a break-dancingcompetition." "There's noelectricity involved." "(door opens)Uh-uh-uh-uh." "Hey, there, how's itgoing, uh..." "Andy was it?" "Yes, exactly.Ah, Andy, I want you to meet Frank." "Frank, uh, meet Andyfrom Mattel." "Hello, hello." "I got to tell ya--I'm pretty excited." "Adult game play isa fast-rising market, and we are alwayson the lookout for something a littleout of the box." "Oh, we-we can helpyou there, bud." "That's great." "Now, what wasthe name of the game again?" "Chardee MacDennis 2:" "Electric Boogaloo." "Okay, Andy, you're gonna likethis video we made for you." "(screaming)(Charlie shouts indistinctly)" "(echoing):" "Chardee MacDennis." "Chardee MacDennis is all yourfavorite games rolled into one:" "Mouse Trap, Chutes and Ladders, Sorry..." "But it's not exactlylike those things." "It's also like Boggle, Wheel of Fortune, Risk." "MAN:" "Chardee MacDennis!" "What other gamesdo you like?" "It's likethose other games too!" "But more better." "And different enough legally." "I'm a lawyer." "Shh!" "I'm a lawyering this part." "We're like Moby... remix!" "(air horn blares)MAN:" "Ch-Ch-Chardee MacDennis!" "Regular board gamesshould be called..." ""I'm bored... games"" "I don't get that one." "I..." "No, I told you not to..." "Stay out of my peripheral..." "Do you want a game that lullsyou into a sense of security, but surprises youwith constant rule changes?" "Then you wantthe game of games..." "Back... back up." "Sorry." "MAN (thundering):" "Chardee MacDennis!" "We always win.And they always lose." "CHARLIE:" "What are you guysdoing over there?" "Oh, shit." "(static hissing)" "W-Why'd you put that in?" "Yeah, whatwas that?" "Factually accurate." "So, Andy, what did you think?" "I... got to say, it's a littleconfusing." "Uh, can't we justplay the game?" "Ooh.Ooh, ooh, ooh." "Yeah." "That wouldn'tbe good." "Yeah, see, we tend to get a little competitive when we play." "You know, we're not exactlya mellow bunch." "Right.That'll be fun.Plus, that's the best way for me to understand the game." "But that's what... why you would understand..." "Yeah, that's why we did that." "Okay, let me conferwith my associates for a minute." "Why don't you grab a drink?" "It's o-on the house, of course." "Um, guys, can we talk?" "Uh, cool, man." "I think we can probably, um..." "We can't..." "No, no, no... no, no," "I-I think we can.Uh, we can do this, guys." "We just got to be... just got to make it fun." "You know what we have to do?" "Is we have to not care about who wins." "Just for this time." "Yes." "That'll help." "That will help." "We just have to sell the game." "Just sell it." "Okay." "We can do it." "All right, so, Frank, you'llbe on Andy's team." "Wait, don'tstick me with him." "He-he doesn't know the goddamn rules." "I'm gonna get crushed again." "Shut up, Frank, just..." "Shut up." "Shut up." "It's not aboutwinning or losing." "Exactly." "It doesn'tmatter." "It's fun.We're not gonna care..." "It's fun.So we'll just... we'll keep our emotionsin check." "Yeah." "Sure." "Just be like:(exhales)" "(all exhaling)" "Exactly." "(exhaling continues)" "Gentlemen, good luck to you." "And to yous." "And toyous all." "This is nice--a little role playing." "Very bigin gaming right now." "This also celebratessportsmanship." "Yes, indeed." "Yeah, well, you're totally getting it." "You're catching on." "Oh, by the way, there used to be a couple rules about not cursingand not asking questions in certain rounds, but I thinkwe should do away with that, for now, because it's yourfirst time playing and, guys," "we don't wantanybody blacking out." "Yeah, no problem.Right, that's fine." "I think that'll be fine." "We're flexible." "It's a good idea." "Okay, are we ready?" "Three, two, one." "Gentlemen... suck my dick." "(shouting gibberish)" "Hut, hut, hut." "(playing bugle)" "What the hell's going on?" "Oh, uh, this is ourflag-raising ceremony." "Yeah, we used to dothe Maori war dance, but that-that got usa little too riled up." "Either way, this isall about intimidation and showing off your prowess." "Uh, think of it like the Indian-Pakistaniborder ceremony that they do over there." "Now, this is Macand Charlie's flag, which, as you can see, is fairly badly burned." "Not onlydoes the winner get to stomp the loser'sgame pieces, but they also get toburn their flag up." "Now, you'll noticethat the Golden Geese flag is unsullied.You'll also notice that" "Mac and Charlie's flag is just a little weird, and that's becausetheir original name was the Thundercats, uh... but they wereconfused by that." "Well, 'cause we're not cats." "Yeah." "We're not cats." "So, then, how could we..." "Mm-hmm." "Even thoughit's the name they chose." "So they went withthe Thundermen." "(playing quavering note)" "This brings usto Frank's flag, which is, uh... yeah, it's just unfortunate." "FRANK:" "It's four Fs." "I didn't know it wasgonna come off like that." "Pretty sure you did." "(playing rousing tune)" "Okay, Andy, Level 1 is Trivia, Puzzles and Artistry." "The first teamto get three points moves their game pieceto the next level." "All right.Here we go." "All right." "What Philly celebrity would youmost want to have a drink with?" "Oh, shit, okay, yeah, you know what--a lot of the questions are opinion-based.Heads up." "Ah." "Okay..." "I-I see." "Uh, all right, this is, uh, let me guess." "Um..." "Oh:" "Dr. J." "That's not it!" "All right, all right." "Play it cool, play it cool." "Okay, okay, sorry." "Yeah, all right." "That is wrong, though." "You wouldn't want to have a drink with him.Dee, chance to steal." "Bill Cosby.Yes!" "All right." "Point for us." "Shit." "A lot of the questionsare outdated." "Yeah, yeah, they are a little outdated." "Okay, our turn, our turn." "Um, artistry." "And it'san all-play, guys." "Oh!" "Oh!" "All right, now, a member of each teammust make this clue out of clay while the other membertries to guess what it is." "Okay, uh, penis.What?" "Uh, lip-penis.What?" "No, look, look." "Oh, hard penis." "A hard clay penis." "Oh..." "Gargoyle inside." "No?" "It's a-a, okay, a chopped-off head, a decapitat... uh, head in a box!" "Dee, I'm gonna putyour head in a box if you don't startgetting the answer right." "Goddamn it!" "A heart, it's a heart!" "Uh, it's, uh... it's, uh, love!" "Love!" "Oh!" "He got it!" "Was that it?" "(whoops)" "Get anothercard.How do you make a heart?" "If the..." "Love?" "Yeah, because I was making, uh, Cupid's arrow, dude." "Well, why does it havea big vein running through it?" "Because that's the streakas it flies through the air." "Come..." "At least I didn'tput a woman's head in a box." "This is not a woman's headin a box, you sick freak." "This is a woman'shead in a freezer." "And it's supposed to representthe preservation of love foreverand ever." "Whatever, dude." "It's our turn, it's our turn." "We go." "BOTH:" "No puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles no puzzles, no puzzles..." "Puzzles.Oh!" "Put this bottleback together." "Oh, shit." "Oh." "Yeah." "Oh, that's interesting." "What bottle?" "This one." "Now just be very, very careful." "Okay." "Final touches, final touches.Watch that blue string-- don't pull it apart.Okay, okay, okay." "Okay, okay." "All right.Ready, ready?" "Okay, okay, okay... okay." "Okay, very..." "Very careful.Very, very careful." "It held." "It held!" "It held!" "Just swallowed a littleglass, but it held, man!" "You see, that's what I'm talkingabout-- you sacrifice, you put the work in..." "That's right!" "You earn that card." "We're catching up to 'em." "Hey..." "Okay, it's our turn, then." "Dennis and Deeskip right to Level 2." "Yes, yes!" "Aw..." "Aw..." "Face, face!" "(squawks)" "Due to some alcohol-relatedcheating, we decided to incorporate I.V.'s to keep everythingon the up-and-up." "You guys were the onesthat were cheating." "Yeah, yeah." "Now, I feel like Andyhas to have one of these." "Well, Andy's our guest.We don't want to be poking him with needles." "Unfair, unfair!" "Yeah, unfair, unfair, unfair." "Hey, hey, as you can see, Mac and Charlie are a little worked up aboutnever having won the game." "Ever." "I'm a little concernedabout the safety of this." "The..." "Why..." "Oh, oh, If it were beer?" "No, no, no, no--we're mainlining wine." "It's not beer." "We switchedLevel 2 to wine because you can't mainline beer becauseit's got bubbles in it and shit." "We tried-- it was bad.I'm not sure it's safe for people to put thosebeverages directly in..." "Time!" "(blasting note)" "(gasps)Oh!" "(grunts)" "Okay, Andy, welcometo Round 2 (Body):" "Physical Challenge, Pain and Endurance." "Okay, now, we've addeda new challenge to Level 2-- this is, this is really exciting." "So what you do-- you spin theglobe, you point your finger." "Wherever your finger lands, you have to speak in the accent of that region for the rest of the round, otherwise, you gotta drink." "That sounds fun.That's a great idea." "Isn't that good?" "Isn't that good?" "Let's go." "Uh... ha!" "Russia!" "Oh, okay, so I got it." "I guess I... (Russian accent):" "I guess I got to do that?" "Huh?" "(Russian accent):" "You do Russia." "Hey, look at Andy, look at Andy." "Okay, let's see..." "DENNIS:" "What do you got? "Brasial."" "No, Brazil." "Mm-hmm." "Wh-What's the accentof Brazil?" "It's a-it's a country in SouthAmerica-- why don't we say any Latin Americanaccent'll do?" "Any Latin American?" "Okay." "(bad Mexican accent):" "Okay, homie." "Uh..." "Hola, le homes." "Yeah, I cando that." "Yeah." "Okay, man." "Nachos." "Oh, real racist with it, huh?" "Yeah, that is extremelyracist-- and by the way, that's more of a Los Angelessort of Mexican cholo vibe." "Let's go..." "let's go seethe Dodgers play the Lakers." "Low rider." "Okay." "Uh, Dee, youwant to spin for us?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Jesus Christ." "Oh!" "Ah, would youlook at that" "Philadelphia." "FRANK:" "That shouldn't be on there." "You barely spinned it, homes.That's bullshit, man." "(Philadelphia accent):" "Hallelujah." "Looks likethe tide's turned." "Yeah, looks likewe got an advantage over yous guys, huh, Den?" "(with accent):" "What is going on?" "What the hell is that?" "My Philly accent." "Wow, that's noteven close." "Drink, homes.Ow!" "Okay, slower." "All right." "Physical challenge.And this one's an all-play." "Oh!" "Hey!" "Okay, everybody.This is good." "We like..." "Hands on a bird body!" "(groans)A member fromeach team must try andkeep their hand on Dee's bony body foras long as they can." "(groans)Dis is shit." "Dis is not good." "I don't understand." "(exhales through teeth)" "Hang in there, homes.I can't do it, "mang." I can't do it." "You barely even put your hand on there already." "Hang in there, man.I know, but..." "Ah!" "I can't do it, I can't do it!" "Oh!" "Ha!" "Mac, that's crazy!" "Ay, ay, ay!" "Mac and Charlieare out!" "Hey, why'd you do that?" "I couldn't do it!" "Ay, ay, ay!" "Oh, violation!" "That's not L.A. Mexican." "That's, like, Cartoon Mexican." "We barely evenswitched it, homie.No, I don't know." "I'll have a drink, all right?" "You got to drink, too." "Oh...(Middle Eastern accent):" "What is so hard about keeping onehand on this woman?" "She's a very pleasant woman.She's a very, very pretty woman." "Ugh." "Don't sexualize her, dude." "This is bad enough as it is." "(Germanic accent):" "Vhat is the matter, Dennis?" "Vhy are you zo uncomfortable?" "Because the closeness of your hand to her breast..." "Stop." "Yeah, stop... which is making you want to have sexwith her?" "Don't, don't... oh, goddamn it!" "Ugh!" "Oh..." "Oh!" "(gasps)Wait, what's... what's going on?" "You stupid idiot." "Oh, my God, you gluedyour hand to her!" "Cheater!" "Cheater!" "Cheater!" "Oh, is that the accent drop?" "Yeah, yeah, all accents are droppedthe minute someone gets caught cheating." "Yeah, yeah, wehave to be able to break them inour native tongue to allow formaximum shame." "Shame, shame, shame..." "Shame, shame... (all shouting "Shame!")" "So... so no more I.V.'s?" "No, no, no, no." "No, no, no, no." "That's a Level 2 game." "You don't wantto mainline liquor, buddy.You don't want to do it." "Still a prettystiff drink." "Oh, yeah." "Things getratcheted up in Level 3." "Then even get worsein Level 4." "There is no Level 4." "Yes, there is:" "Mind, body, spirit, horror." "Stop, Frank." "Come on." "There's no horror level." "Look, Andy, his ideasdon't represent the game." "They don't represent us." "Okay, pick a card now..." "Whoa!" "Shits and Ladders." "Oh!" "(chuckles)" "Sort of a playon Chutes and Ladders." "Oh, yeah." "Each member must take a laxativeand get on a ladder." "The one who can hold it in the longest wins." "FRANK:" "Love this one." "Also knownas Shoots and Splatters." "Poops and Bladders!" "(laughter)Andy!" "I'll go get the laxatives.All right, All right." "FRANK:" "Here you go." "Strongest stuff on the market." "All right.All right." "(grunts)" "Mm." "Oh, that's strong." "Ugh!" "I don't like it." "Okay, to the ladders!" "(groans)" "I'm already feelinga twinge.(yawns)" "Yeah, I-I feel something." "I don't feel like I have to poop, though." "I feel weird.I kind of feel crazy.Like, what is that?" "That isn't a laxative, is it, Frank?" "Nope." "Welcome to Level 4," "(echoing): horror." "(distorted laughter)" "Oh." "What is this?" "Wake up, guys." "Wake up." "What's going on?" "(grunting)" "(groaning)" "FRANK:" "Hello, gang." "The keys to your cuffs have been sewninto your forearm." "Beside you are some tweezers attached to a car battery." "Last team out of the room loses." "Frank, this is insane." "Let us out of here!" "What are you doing?" "Everything hasto be based on an existing board game!" "That's the whole thing!" "Oh, but it is, Dennis." "Ever hear of a game called..." "Operation?" "(cackles)" "Oh, shit." "He's got a point." "Damn it." "Let's go." "(grunting)(zapping)" "(shouting)(zapping continues)" "This game is totally insane!" "DENNIS:" "Don't give upon the game!" "The game is fine!" "(groans)No, no, no, no." "No, this isn't representativeof us..." "Oh, God!" "Oh!" "Oh, I'm gonna stop!" "I'm gonna stop!" "No, I quit, too." "I quit." "I can't do it." "I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it!" "DENNIS:" "Oh, God!" "It's just the bone." "DEE:" "Charlie!" "Oh, JesusChrist, dude!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "I thinkyou shit your pants, too." "Well, it was probably just the laxative kicking in." "It wasn't a goddamn laxative, Charlie!" "You just pooped your pants!" "You guys quit!" "You quit and we won the game!" "(grunts)Finally." "Finally, I won the game." "This is not what I signed upfor, you donkey-brained maniac!" "Uncuff me!" "Cool it, cool it." "Take it easy." "I mean, it's just a..." "it's just a simple mind game." "No one had akey on 'em." "You know, I knewthey'd cave like bitches." "DENNIS:" "Hold on a second." "Wait a second." "Andy, did you just call him "donkey-brained"?" "Yeah." "What?" "It's an expression." "What did you mean by" ""not what I signed up for"?" "Do you two knoweach other?" "No!" "No..." "No." "No." "No." "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-- look at this, guys." ""Mattel" is spelled wrongon his business card." "That says "Matel."" "I'm calling this number." "(phone ringing)" "FRANK (recorded):" "Welcome to the homeof Wolf Cola... (gasps)(shouting "Cheaters!")" "Oh, okay, Frank, so you clearly just hired this guyso that you could win and put your stampon the game!" "No, there's no truthing that at all." "No." "Tell 'em, Andy." "(door slams)" "MAC:" "What?" "!" "It was all bullshit?" "It was just a hoax?" "Yeah." "DENNIS:" "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait..." "Unreal." "So, then, if this isn't aboutselling the game anymore..." "Well, then it'sabout winning." "DENNIS:" "Okay, here we go." "Public humiliation." "Are you ready, Charles?" "(slurring):" "Yes..." "Okay, I'm-I'm in a sort of..." "Dude, are you-yousure you're okay?" "You might've lost a lot of blood from digging around inthere with the tweezers." "You knowHe's around it." "Yep." "Here we go." "Okay, then here we go." "You have to withstand one full minuteof intense berating." "Okay, that's, uh, lights on." "He's ready. "Lights on,"he said." ""Lights on."Okay." "But it's not gonna be from us." "Nope." "Not from us." "It's from her!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "You're holdingmy hair!" "Okay, hold on a second." "Ow, let go!" "Oh, my God, that hurt so much!" "Goddamn it." "Okay, well, you know what, itwas supposed to be a big reveal." "I had a whole thing planned.What's wrong with you?" "You know what, of course youruined it-- you are the worst." "THE WAITRESS:" "Oh, my God, whatis that smell?" "Is that poop?" "Did you pooping your pants, Charlie?" "Yeah." "Oh, gross." "That's so disgusting." "This is gonna be so easy." "No, dude, don'tlisten to them, okay?" "(sniffles)You can do this, Charlie." "If you can not cryfor just one minute, just one minute, we win the goddamn game." "Yeah, man.You can do this." "Are you ready?" "Yeah." "(grunts)Okay, yeah." "All right." "Okay." "Okay." "Here we go." "I can do..." "DENNIS:" "Ready, get set, go." "Charlie Kelly, I have beenwaiting for this for a long time, you poop-smelling" "(distorted): trash person." "Your face, it looks like a troll!" "You looklike you have troll features!" "You stalked me!" "There'ssomething wrong with you!" "Your brain is broken!" "I hate you!" "I hope you die!" "And I hope you go to hell!" "Three!" "Two!" "And I hope it burns!" "One!" "(distorted shouting)You did it!" "You did it!" "Holy shit!" "MAC:" "We won!" "(shouts happily)" "DENNIS:" "Charlie?" "DEE:" "Come on, buddy, you can do it." "Come on, wake up, Charlie, wake up." "I don't knowif he's gonna wake up." "I don't either." "Charlie, come on, buddy." "Charlie, are you okay?" "Charlie..." "Charlie, open your eyes." "DENNIS:" "Charlie?" "Oh." "Oh, my God.Oh, my God." "There he is." "Oh, thank God.Oh, thank God.We thought we lost you, buddy." "We thought we lost you.Hey." "Oh, my God.Oh, man." "What happened?" "God..." "like, all I remember is, like, winning the gameand then passing out." "Is that how youremember it?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "No." "No, no, you criedlike a baby." "Yeah, pretty much right whenthe waitress started talking, you cried like a little bitch.Quite a bit." "Yeah." "Yeah." "You-youmust have been hallucinatingfrom all the blood poisoning." "So... did you guys win?" "Yeah." "Big-time." "We always do." "So did you crushour game pieces?" "No." "Oh, my God, Charlie, no." "Charlie, we weren'teven thinking about the game anymore." "No one was.We were terrified for you." "With you in that condition?" "Really?" "Oh, thank you." "Oh, thank youso much, guys." "Oh, God." "Are you kidding me?" "That's, like, really, thenicest thing you've ever done." "Uh, Dee, can you..." "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." "(sighs) Charlie, no, we wouldn't have done that with you... withyou in that condition." "Yeah." "It-it..." "No." "But now that you'reconscious, you know..." "Dee, are you, uh, all set back there?" "Yep." "Okay." "Loser." "Yeah!" "(both taunting, screeching)" "DEE:" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" "(both honking)Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Captioning sponsored by SUNNY TELEVISION PRODUCTIONS" "(trio chanting backwards)"