"Hello, there, old friend." "Please have a seat." "I have really been looking forward to showing you what I've done with the place." "Is this really what you wanted, Dreyfuss?" "The death of democracy?" "Only a washed-up founding father could... possibly mourn the loss of something so criminally ineffectual." "You take this off for one minute and I will show you mourning." "Once a patriot, always a patriot." "Do you know what I've come to learn over the years, Mr. Crane?" "People... by and large, people are herd animals." "When it comes right down to it, most people, they really don't want to bear the burden of governing themselves." "Deep down, most people are violently opposed to the effort it takes to think for themselves." "Do you know what all of the willingly helpless, bleating sheep really want, more than anything else?" "A Shepherd." "You mean tyrant." "Actually, I prefer emperor." "Czar, perhaps?" "Monarch, maybe." "Whatever rolls off the tongue." "Malcolm?" "Malcolm?" "Malcolm?" "Can you hear me?" "Another vision?" "Either that, or the headless horseman had some serious LSD galloping in his bloodstream." "Jobe." "Jobe, Jobe, Jobe, Jobe..." "It was spectacular." "So the plan you've set in motion..." "My plan, not to boast, but I am destined to become the best thing that has ever happened to America." "Hello, America." "My name is Ichabod Crane, and I have a message for all and asunder." "Okay, you're not doing it right..." "What do you mean I'm not doing it right?" "What am I doing..." "You cannot hold it so close to your face, there won't be any room for a caption." "Well, maybe I don't want a..." "Well." "Time for an upgrade." "Molly, what do you say?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Crane." "Please, no need." "If anything, I should apologize." "Whilst I am an expert in many fields," "I should have acknowledged that you, miss Molly, are the master of the sacred ritual of the selfie." "Your generation is so weird." "My generation?" "You know, people try to put us down..." "Just because we get around." "What?" "Who?" "Nice one." "Why don't you try take two?" "Why not?" "In a sec, I just want to post this to Mr. Crane's new picagram account." "Obliged." "Thanks for coming today." "No, not at all." "After the occurrences of late, 'tis a pleasure to enjoy a diversion." "No kidding." "Witnesses, wolf-dads..." "It's important for Molly to know she's still a kid." "No child should have to bear the weight of the mantle that miss Molly has inherited." "I posted it." "Jolly good." "Though, it's kind of pointless since you don't have any followers." "Well, there is more to life than amassing followers, miss Molly." "Social media is rife with, what, cat videos?" "But just imagine what could be achieved, what grand heights could be scaled were a true leader like Jefferson or Lincoln alive today." "What if they had access to Facebook and picagram and snapchat?" "We have an opportunity, an opportunity to spread a noble message far and wide." "So." "Instead of gathering followers to hashtag selfies..." "My god, Logan's here!" "Okay, just wait for us." "I'm honestly nothing without my followers." "Seriously, thank you." "Thank you." "I watched several of Mr. McDonald's videos in preparation for this event." "Found them rather mundane." "Tell me about it." "Diatribes on acne, dating, gossip, lip gloss." "You guys don't get it." "He's really funny and he knows what it's like to feel different." "My parents don't get it, either." "Can I borrow your phone?" "Okay." "We love you!" "There you go." "Well, great." "Mom, what is happening to him?" "Someone help him!" "Somebody call 911!" "He needs a doctor!" "No pictures!" "No pictures!" "Logan needs help!" "Can you move back?" "Move... move back." "Move back, please." "We got to get him out of here." "Careful, careful." "Something about his ailment is amiss." "I'll investigate further." "I'll take Molly home and I'll meet up with you as soon as possible." "Understood come on, we have to go." " Pardon me." " Excuse me." "So, seriously, mom?" "Security cameras?" "Hey, if demonic creatures and dark forces are gonna be crossing our paths," "I'm gonna see 'em first, in hd." "Well, what if it's an invisible monster?" "This should help." "Celtic shield knot, used by ancient druids to ward off shades, were-beasts and wandering spirits." "And it's not tacky at all." "I like it." "I'm gonna go check on updates on Logan." "All right." "Hey, you hungry?" "Yeah, sure." "Okay." "Usually more inquisitive." "An Internet celebrity she follows came down with something." "Crane's checking it out at the hospital now." "So, not the common cold." "Lately, is it ever?" "I'm gonna go to the hospital after Clara comes." "I can stay with Molly." "Thanks, but the nanny's just a couple blocks away." "I know, but..." "I'd appreciate the chance to get to know Molly better." "I can take her out to my trailer, we can make a whole day out of it." "Look, I know you're shaken by what went down with the whole fake dad thing, but all the defense in the world is not gonna make a difference if we treat this thing with kid gloves." "I have a lot I can teach her." "You're not gonna teach her how to shoot bazookas or use throwing stars, are you?" "Actually," "I was thinking we might just start with a pizza." "Molly?" "Yeah?" "I'm headed to the hospital." "I'm gonna check on Logan." "Jenny's gonna stay here and order lunch, okay?" "Cool, can she teach me how to use throwing stars?" "You have my number." "Please call me if you need anything." "Yeah." "My god, you want to see the creepiest video ever?" "I can't stop watching it." "It's like Chewbacca mask lady meets bad lip reading." "Something tells me you and I have vastly different definitions of "creepy."" "Come on." "Check it." "This guy I follow on picagram posted it an hour ago." "How old are you again?" "Excuse me, do you have anything from provence?" "You know, it's just..." "This napa rosé's a little too fruit-forward for my palate." "You know your pink wine." "I'm sorry." "Missy." "I'm Jake." "She a friend of yours?" "Yeah, yeah, we came here together." "I'm sorry, no, no, not like, like, together-together, but in a..." "The same car together." "Just as friends, yeah." "We, um, we planned these simultaneous tinder dates." "Yeah." "Just promised to have each other's backs, in case things got a little awkward, we could just slide in and save each other." "Except, um, yeah, my date stood me up." "Don't say I never gave you anything." "And, um, for the record." "It's not me, it's you." "What did you say to him?" "I'm not saying that guy had zika, but I know a thing or two about diseases, and that guy looked like he had a scary-ass case of zika." "Is that who I think it is?" "Master Wells." "I'm here to investigate a young man who's experienced what appeared to be a supernatural seizure." "What, a rash growing up his arms with glowing tendrils?" "It's tendrilitis?" "Please, no." "Is that a thing?" "He's kind of weird about germs." "We came here because we saw a guy with the same freaky symptoms." "Yeah, her tinder date." "Dude." "Is that really necessary information that needs to be shared?" "It seems many others have been admitted with the same symptoms." "Which room might I find your paramour?" "Tinder date." "Well..." "Room b14." "I'd take salmonella over a supernatural disease any day." "Well, just because Crane's here doesn't mean it's definitely supernatural." "I mean, there are dozens of biological explanations for these sort of symptoms." "Trust me, it's monster flu." "I hear your call." "I will join you." "You can't be in here!" "I really hate it when you're right." "Good, just keep me posted with any new information you get, okay?" "Thank you." "The CDC reports similar cases all around the Washington area." "They're testing every virus and bacteria known to man;" "No hits so far." "Someone with similar symptoms just burst into flames in silver spring." "They started a fire that burned down the whole wing of a hospital." "Look, these are isolated cases, but if this keeps spreading, this whole city could burn to the ground." "Which may have been precisely what happened the last time this affliction reared its head in Washington." "Master Wells, would you kindly search the secret histories for any entries penned by Paul Jennings?" "Of course." "Yes." "During the war of 1812, the British forces invaded Washington, D.C." "Now, 'tis common knowledge they burned down the white house, the capitol building..." "In fact, half the city." "There have been thousands of fires in D.C. over the years." "But very few have coincided with the outbreak of a virulent disease." "Documentation of these tragic events was penned, not by president Madison, but by a young servant called Paul Jennings." "Servant, yes, and white house slave." "Jennings was a great mind who refused to be held back by the mores of the day." "Look at this." "According to master Jennings' account, the morning the city burned, pamphlets were hammered up across the capital, hours before the British army attacked." "These were more than a warning of British intent." "All those who read the pamphlets came down with a mysterious illness." "Whilst many turned their backs on the afflicted, fearing cholera, master Jennings and the rest of the white house staff flung open their doors and vowed to conquer this epidemic by any means necessary." "With symptoms ranging from high fevers to pulsing hot rashes, master Jennings labeled the sickness" ""influenza incendium," or "fire flu."" "I must join you." "Be still, let us tend to you." "Mother of mercy." "I will join you." "I will join you in the flames!" "Paul Jennings was a hero." "And also, it seems, the only one who understood that a cursed pamphlet caused the outbreak of this dread influenza." "For this plague is spread not by biological means..." "But by language." "Well, that may have worked in the war of 1812, but nobody reads pamphlets now." "Not unless they're 140 characters or less." "I think I know how it's spreading." "My tinder date was telling me about this video that he watched, before he got sick." "It was posted on some kid named Logan MacDonald's picagram feed." "My guess is that somebody hacked his account and then embedded the pamphlet's curse into the video's source code." "Meaning that whoever watches it could get infected by this fire flu that burned Washington." "My god." "Molly." "Okay." "This is a real viral video." "Has to be Dreyfuss." "It does indeed." "But hunting Dreyfuss now would be a costly distraction." "This curse is out." "And we must contain it." "Hello?" "Jenny, put Molly on, right now." "Hey, your mom wants to talk." "Hello?" "Honey..." "Did you watch any videos posted by Logan MacDonald?" "Mom, no, why?" "Did you?" "No, why?" "Jenny and I have been out hiking, hanging in her trailer." "This is seriously the best day ever." "Okay." "All right, honey, just..." "You can put Jenny back on." "Yeah?" "There's a viral video going around, it's infecting people with an ancient curse." "Can you just make sure that Molly's nowhere near phones or computers today?" "You got it, no problem." "Jenny, thank you." "Okay, so, can we get back to this whole witness test thing?" "Yeah, but, actually, it is an ancient Buddhist tradition used to help acolytes determine which path to follow." "Anyone can use it who has a question in their heart they need answered, not just witnesses." "So, Buddhists like bananas?" "Technically, it's supposed to be a persimmon." "A symbol of joy in the harvest." "Use your imagination." "Okay, close your eyes." "Breathe in through your nose." "Out through your mouth." "Each one of these objects gives off a distinct vibration." "Your mind should be tuned to receive one of them." "You watched it." "Didn't you?" "He kept insisting." "I just... i-i wanted him to shut up, so I hit play." "And now..." "Whatever this fire flu is, Jake..." "I'm infected." "I fear the worst, agent Thomas." "If this video truly has gone viral, thousands of lives could hang in the balance." "Well, not even the government can shut down the Internet." "I have heard great orators of yore make hay from more dire situations than this, agent Thomas." "Sometimes all the people need are some words of leadership." "People of Washington!" "Switch off your mobile devices!" "They are dangerous!" "Your mobile device is now a weapon!" "Switch them off!" "Now" "could've told you that wasn't gonna work." "Hey, hey." "Stop." "Stop!" "Stop!" "You're gonna get yourself killed!" "Relax." "She's infected." "We can fix this." "I have to get out of here." "If I don't, I could burn this place down," "I could burn you." "We'll figure it out as soon as Crane and Diana come back." "Yeah, and what if we can't?" "Look, my tinder date said that he watched the video an hour before he got sick." "And I'm at, I'm at..." "I'm at 55 minutes." "I won't let you go through this alone, okay?" "Jake, I'm not your responsibility, okay?" "You are my friend, Alex." "And we're in this together, whatever this is." "What are you doing?" "Alex." "Stop!" "Wait!" "Open the do..." "Open it!" "Alex!" "Alex!" "Damn it!" "Alex, she's infected." "She ran off down the tunnels." "What is going on?" "She watched the video an hour ago." "She is burning up." "If she's in the tunnels, she's entered a maze." "She could emerge anywhere in the city." "Alex, where the hell are you?" "Don't try to come after me." "If you want to help, just find a cure." "Alex, we can do that with you here." "No." "Moving, it..." "It helps." "Alex..." "If I just follow the voice..." "What voice?" "I need... you..." "Alex?" "A-Alex!" "She's gone." "But she's alive." "And as long as she is, we can find a cure." "Now, the first course of action lies here in the vault, so we will need your expertise, master Wells." "The contagion has been stopped in the past, it can be stopped again." "Master Wells." "You need to focus." "You understand?" "Yes, sir." "Good man." "Jake." "Just now, on the street, we saw an infected woman." "Her back was glowing, it looked like a triangle, with arabic writing around it." "Arabic..." "Arabic..." "I know that symbol." "I've seen one just like that in the histories." "Where is it?" "Here." "Very good, master Wells." "Of course." "This is master Jennings' handwriting." "Okay, we're on the right trail." "It seems master Jennings had other duties beyond those in his work for the Madisons." "He was, in fact, an operative of agency 355." "He worked in this very vault." "He was not the only one." "There was a team." "Samuel Wilson, butcher and patriot, who would go down in history as the legendary "uncle Sam."" "Davy Crockett, frontiersman, congressman, and hero of the Texas revolution." "Master Paul Jennings, white house slave, and eventually, a freed abolitionist." "And sacagawea, native American guide, and the real powerhouse behind the famed Lewis and Clark expedition." "It seems their exploits were legion, and described in this volume." "The truest expression of Washington's dream..." "Okay, normally, I'd be right there with you, geeking out, Mr. Crane, but how is this gonna help Alex?" "Well, it says here master Jennings' experiments with the cursed pamphlet soon revealed that the hex in question was the curse of an Arabian demon known as a djinn." "Or as the French would come to call it, genie." "Finally a monster I know." "Okay, so we're after a blue guy that grants wishes and lives in a lamp?" "No, a pg version, maybe." "Real djinn are said to be very, very powerful demons made of smokeless, scorching fire." "Here." "The curse transmits the symbol of the djinn onto the flesh who read it." "They are then compelled to find the djinn's lair... where it consumes their life force with his flames." "Alex is on her way to burn and I could've stopped her just now?" "No." "No you could not." "Restraining the cursed is futile." "Jake, had you successfully held her back..." "She would've burst into flames." "You-you said that Jennings and his crew stopped this thing." "How?" "With the city burning, the vault team knew that their only hope of finding the djinn was for one of its own to read the pamphlet and take on its fatal curse." "In the end, the task fell to Samuel Wilson, who took the infection upon himself, allowing the others to follow him to the djinn's nest." "Once there, Mr. Jennings used an ancient Tome of weather magiks to summon a powerful tempest." "He flooded the djinn's lair and struck it down with unholy lightning." ""The storm that saved Washington."" "The very same." "Here." "The white house fire of 1814 was quelled by a sudden thunderstorm." "A-and uncle Sam." "Did he survive the infection?" "Many people have." "Remember that." "But..." "In this instance, no." "By the time the team arrived," "Wilson had been consumed." "Master Wells." "No." "Not..." "No, not this time." "No, not today." "Not Alex." "Burn." "You burn..." "You must burn for me." "You must join the eternal flame." "I am ready to burn with you." "A good man named August Corbin showed me this ritual." "He wanted to help guide me, to show me that even when life feels like it's spinning out of control," "I can always find a way back." "But what if I choose the wrong one?" "There is no wrong choice." "All of these paths have value." "Just listen to your heart and you'll choose true." "What does it mean?" "When I did this ceremony," "I picked the crossbow." "Chose the destiny of a warrior." "But the bowl means that the path laid out before you, should you choose to walk it, is that of an oracle." "Someone with insight into people's minds, someone able to see into people's souls as easily as looking into a mirror." "Pretty." "Be careful." "I know it doesn't look like much..." "Molly?" "Molly?" "Can you hear me?" "Molly..." "Molly!" "Talk to me." "Are you okay?" "I saw something terrible." "It-it was Mr. Crane, but he was so... he was so old, and so... and so alone, and..." "As soon as we find Alex, we hit her with this." "It's a special blend of acetaminophen and north African wormwood, courtesy of Jenny's alternative medicine cabinet." "Should cause a rapid drop in body temperature." "Very good, agent Thomas." "Master Wells and I have been busy assembling the necessaries to battle the djinn." "Only problem is we still don't know how to find this thing." "I tried tracing that video back to its original ip, you know, find the djinn at its source code, but whoever hacked Logan MacDonald's account knows their stuff." "Which is why I must take the curse upon myself and lead you there." "Just as Mr. Samuel Wilson did many years ago." "Crane, we can't let you do that." "I am a witness, a title that has never been more apropos." "I have a responsibility." "To witness this curse, to ward off evil, and to ensure that none of you become casualties of a supernatural war you did not choose to fight." "So." "I'm sorry, Mr. Crane, but..." "I made my own choice, and I'm pretty sure you're not gonna like it." "You already watched it." "Just 20 minutes ago." "Jake.." "Why would you do that?" "We could've found anyone who was infected and put a GPS on their ankle." "Every second that we waste," "Alex moves one step closer to those flames, and this was the fastest way to track her down." "Besides... she would've done the same thing for me." "Samuel Wilson and the agency of yore would be most proud of you, master Wells." "Through your gallantry, their legacy endures." "There's nothing gallant about it." "I'm a germophobe with a supernatural virus inside of me." "I'm scared to death." "But I can't let Alex go through this alone." "Jake?" "Jake?" "Jake?" "Stay with us." "Can you hear me?" "I hear a voice." "The djinn summons him." "I know where Alex is." "You certain this is the place?" "Yeah." "I know what I saw." "Might be right." "I think I saw this place on a list of Dreyfuss's holdings." "They're gonna turn it into a server farm." "What farm?" "It's where the Internet happens." "Big place for the djinn to spread its infection." "Hey, if this thing takes control of me, you get Alex out, no matter what." "We will get both of you out." "No." "See, I don't think you heard me." "If something happens and I become one of those infected things," "I want you to forget about me and you do whatever it takes to get her to safety, okay?" "And, look, if I don't make it out..." "My complete wave one captain beast smash force action figures collection must stay mint in the box forever." "All right?" "No kid's dirty little paws can ever touch them." "Understand?" "You have my word." "Then let's do this." "There's so many of them." "Alex!" "You in here?" "Alex!" "How did a storm save the city from that?" "Master Logan lives." "And Alex!" "Alex!" "Hey, genie!" "Over here!" "We will all burn together in his flames." "Jake?" "Jake.!" "Crane!" "Watch out!" "Crane, where are you?" "Agent Thomas!" "'Tis time to summon that lightning!" "Come." "You must burn for me." "You must join..." "Jake." "The eternal flame." "Crane, I don't have a shot." "Jake!" "Agent Thomas!" "Crane, you with me?" "Jake?" "Alex?" "Somebody talk to me." "We good?" "Never better." "I can't..." "I can't hear his voice in my head anymore." "You?" "No." "I am so never using a dating app again." "Hey." "Hey." "So... you saved me." "Yeah, well, apparently, you saved me, too." "Sure, but... after you saved me." "Who's splitting hairs?" "Thanks, Jake." "You really came through for me." "Did you think I wouldn't?" "No, it's not that I didn't." "It's just..." "You risked everything for me, and no one's ever done anything like that for me before." "It's... it's okay." "You'll hit me back, right?" "Yeah." "I'll hit you back." "Sure you're not still feeling feverish?" "Shut up." "We can come back." "No, we good." "Yeah, no, we're all good." "Where did this come from?" "You'd be amazed what this place has in its storage closet." "Davy Crockett?" "What did I miss?" "Turns out our agency has a pedigree." "Paul Jennings, Davy Crockett, sacagawea." "Every one of them is an American hero, and they all worked right here in this room together." "I always thought Daniel Boone was the one who wore the fur cap." "Technically, they both did." "Guys, you're missing the point." "We are the occupational descendent of real heroes." "You don't seem..." "Yourself." "No, I'm fine, fine." "If I'm honest, agent Thomas... a heavy burden weighs upon me." ""This letter of mark and reprisal" ""empowers me as first president of the United States to appoint captain Ichabod Crane commanding officer to..."" "George Washington put you in charge of this agency?" "Look at them." "Yeah, for sure." "They are true of heart." "They fought bravely today." "What of tomorrow's battles?" "Or the next?" "But that's just me." "What if my war on evil..." "Leads one of them to an early grave?" "That's just leadership, Crane." "Perhaps." "Those decisions should wait for another day." "Compatriots." "Heroes all." "Might I suggest we gather for a moment, and celebrate today's victory in the great tradition of 355 agents of yore..." "With a commemorative... selfie!" "Are we smiling?" "I never smile." "I'm smiling." "Say "prunes."" "Who says prunes?" "Back in the day, people did say "prunes" instead of "cheese."" "Yeah, puckered lips were really cool back then." "I miss normal people." "Prunes!" "Prunes!" "That's good." "It's blurry." "You're blurry." "Thank you so much for looking after Molly." "Yeah, of course." "How was it?" "It was great..." "But, we were..." "Doing a meditation and she saw something that scared her." "A vision, and Crane was in it, but he wasn't himself." "He was old, and tired and very, very afraid." "What does it mean?" "I think... something's coming." "Not something, miss Jenny." "Someone." "That server farm..." "It's owned by a subsidiary of Dreyfuss enterprises." "We know he summoned this creature and ravaged our noble city with its pestilence." "The only question remaining..." "Is why?" "Stars." "Stars are so passé, don't you think?" "I much prefer the ansa." "Did you know the hindus used the ansa to symbolize life after death?" "Very nice, Malcolm." "On the downside, your outbreak has been contained." "The security footage at the server farm shows Ichabod Crane and his team managing to infiltrate..." "Whoa." "Team?" "Is that really what you'd call that merry band of degenerates, Jobe?" "I have witnessed the future in motion, and there is nothing that Crane and his so-called..." "Sorry, what was it again?" "Team..." "Team can do to stop this future from unfolding, now that I am assembling a team..." "Of my own." "I'm afraid you're right, Jobe." "Crane..." "He did manage to stop the outbreak, but not before I got everything I needed from it." "A hero's welcome to the man of the hour!" "Yes, our very own..." "Patient zero." "He who sent the picagram heard 'round the world." "Every second I feel stronger, like I'm leaving my body and becoming something more." "So much more, Logan." "Are the others here yet?" "Patience, Patience, my overzealous millennial." "We're still waiting for a few more of your brethren to rise." "America..." "Wasn't built in a day." "She won't be brought to her knees in one day, either."