"2 and 2, menu." "Brian, 22, immediately." "Guillermo, two pigeons, right away." "Very important table right here." " Give me two grain." " I'll take that polenta." "This is the one I'm waiting for." "I need that meat" "Pastry, get ready." "I'll kill your whole family if it's not perfect." "I'm writing it up as inventive, and... confident." " Did the chap from Newsday call?" " I'll check." "Is it an interview, or a guy you're setting me up with?" "You never know what to do with men." "It's Michael." "Jules, it must be months, huh?" "I can't wait to talk to you." "I'm in Chicago at the Drake Hotel." "Call me anytime." "We got to talk." " Your man of the moment?" " No, my Michael." "Michael O'Neal." " Sounds desperate to talk to me." " The sports writer, right?" "Sophomore year at Brown." "We had this one hot month..." "But you know me, I got restless." "I got up the nerve to tell him..." "And he gave me this look..." "And he said," ""It makes me want to cry." "I'm losing the best friend I ever had"." "I felt the same way." "So I cried for maybe the third time in my life, kissed him, and we've been best friends ever since." "We've seen each other through everything..." "Losing jobs, parents, lovers..." "And we've travelled all over." "Best times of my life, maybe." "Drinking and talking..." " Even just on the phone." " Moving Kindred spirits, eh?" "No, he's nothing like me." "He's like you, only straight." "I remember one night in Tucson..." "He takes a razor, cuts his finger, then does the same to me..." "He says, "Swear if we're not married at 28, we'll marry each other"." "We never talked about it again." "What made me think of that?" "You'll be 28 in three weeks, right?" "How old is he?" " You think..?" " "Desperate... to talk"." " No..." " Cheers." "Courge!" "It's Michael." "Jules, it must be months, huh?" "I can't wait to talk to you." "I'm in Chicago at the Drke Hotel." "Call me anytime." "We got to talk." " Good evening, The Drake Hotel." " I'm calling for Michael O'Neal..." "You've been enrolled in the Obscene Caller's Club." "It's great to hear your voice." "I've been calling for over a month." "I've been on a book tour." "My machine eats all my messages." " You take 30 days to call back?" " Less, for you." "I have to ask you something." "I hope you don't turn me down." "If I could just tell you something first..." "This'll probably give you the biggest laugh of your adult life..." "I was thinking about you." "I was remembering that night we spent in Tucson, about 1,000 years ago." " You probably won't remember..." " I think about it all the time." " You do?" " But it's not why I called." " It's not?" " I called because I met someone." "Well That's great..." "You haven't seen anyone since dingbat Jenny Lee." "I've never felt this way about anyone, and she's all wrong for me." " There's a good start" " She's 20 and at university." "Her name's Kim." "She's beautiful, and her dad's a billionaire." "And I've always been uncomfortable with rich people, but they're not like that they're wonderful." "Salt of the earth." " So you've met her parents?" " Yeah." "We're getting married this Sunday." "Hallo?" "It's Wednesday." "How can you be getting married on Sunday?" "Actually, it starts tomorrow." "It's a four-day wedding." " With about ten million guests..." " Aren't you working this weekend?" "The Sox are at home. "Sport" wants a profile on Frank Thomas." "You think it's irresponsible to take Off a weekend to get married?" "Jules, I'm scared." " Maybe we should talk." " I need you." "If you can't come and hold my hand, I'll never get through this." "I can't wait for you to meet her." "Take a later flight." "No, I've got just four days to break up a wedding and steal the groom." "He adored me for nine years." "Me" "And she's known him for about five seconds." "But she's rich and perfect." "So don't go feeling sorry for Miss Pre-teen Illinois." "I can't lose him, George." "I'm gonna bring him back." " Can you believe I'm doing this?" " Not hardly." "This makes everything perfect." "All I've heard is "Julianne..."" "I've never had a sister." "I have a favour to ask you." "My best friend shattered her pelvis dancing in Abilene." "Will you be maid of honour?" "How about someone you've known a bit longer?" "I've only two relatives under 40, and they're vengeful sluts." "My exit" "So I have four days to make you my best friend." "Let's get personal." " You like the colour?" " It's beautiful." "This will be tighter." "You don't want these things to fall out." "I don't want her to trip, so I'll take this up a bit." "Would you rather the daffodil?" "I thought bridesmaids all wore the same?" "Not you." "You have to be distinctive." " What else did he tell you?" " You hate weddings, you never go." "You're not up for anything that's conventional or a "female priority"." "Including marriage, romance or even..." "Love?" " Michael and I were a wrong fit." " He said that, too." "I thought I was like you, until I met rumpled, smelly old Michael." "Then I found I was as sentimental as those nitwits I'd always pitied." "Funny, huh?" "I need a cigarette." "George, all she does is talk about her and Michael's future." "And she's just so bright-eyed and dreamy and..." "I don't know if I can do it." " Want me to turn around?" " You're not who I was expecting." " I've seen you a lot more naked." " Well, things are..." "Things are different now." "Yeah, I guess so." "You look really good..." "without your clothes on." "George?" "She's toast." "So the honeymoon is where?" "If San Antonio sweeps Sacramento, we could start there." "Or Phoenix..." "Garden spots lf you disregard the temperatures." " But there's always Embassy Suites." " It's his career." "I'm supportive." "I've been everywhere." "I want to be with the man I love." "He's lucky." "One woman in a billion could put up with his array of shit." " You know his symphonic range..." " Of snoring?" "It's even worse." "You know that snaffle one?" "Now it's got this phlegm thing rattling behind it." "Earplugs work." "And I got him to stop smoking in bed." "But the bathroom's a swamp, and he likes action movies and karaoke bars." "And I can't carry a tune" " He sucks soup through his teeth." " That's his trademark." " Don't touch that one" " But he sure can kiss." "It's been a while." "I'll take your word on that." "After two weeks of listing all his faults, I made a decision." "I threw the list away." "Loving him means loving all of him." " Do you ever get claustrophobic?" " Nothing could make me hesitate." " Or get hysterical in small rooms?" " Except one thing." "You You'll always be in his mind." "This perfect creature that he loved." " Well, perfection can get wearying." " I really had to face up to it." "But can I be jealous of you forever?" "Our paths will keep on crossing." "He'll always talk about you But the answer was so simple." " I was gonna predict that" " You win." " I've missed a step." " He's got you on a pedestal." "And me in his arms." "It's the bride, and the woman she'll never live up to" "Are you okay, honey?" " Did she say the wrong thing again?" " We're the vengeful sluts." " Just call us eager." " Have you seen the groom's men?" "But the short hairy fat one is mine." " Kimmy's a virgin" " Is this Michael's Julianne?" "I'm Isabelle Wallace." "He scarcely did you justice, girl." "My husband says we should take you to the ball park, to see Michael." "First you must meet these old women." "If you've had enough profanity." "Who ordered a beer?" " Let me help you." " Are you implying I'm clumsy?" "I'm confusing you with someone else." "This is Hank and Eric from "Sport"." "They were kind enough to give me a job." " This is Walter, my father-in-law." " Future father-in-law." "If he gives you any grief, come and see me" " And this guy you know." " Papa Joe." "We had to make Michael's baby brother best man." "Best looking guy in any room" "Scotty, that'll do" "It's the duty of the best man to dance with the maid of honour" " You can't dance." " I've got moves you've never seen." "You're an imposter" "What did you do with my best friend?" "I'm still your best friend." "You just haven't seen me for a while." "All I'm saying is, some people might find all that perfection boring." "See, that's what I thought at first." "No potential for the long range." " But she has a few good traits." " Such as?" "When I hug her, even in public, I don't have to let go right away." "She lets me hold her as long as I want." " What?" " Nothing." "I forgot..." "you and that "yukky love" stuff." " You always get like that about it." " I do not" " When we were..." " Together?" " Did I..?" "When..?" " Yes." " I did what?" " Pull away when I tried to hug you." "Well, I've changed." "I'm not the girl I once was." "Any relationship over two weeks I should know about?" "It's not about longevity, Michael." "It's about being comfortable." "With the "yukky love" stuff." "And I am." " Karaoke How did you find this?" " The doorman told me." " I didn't know there was karaoke." " This is great." "My two best girls." " Margarita." "Blended, no salt." " Margarita." "Straight up." " Amstel Light." " Two words for you:" "Margarita." "Vespa." " Florence" " Me hanging on in the rain..." " I love Florence." " And the guy with the thing..." " 'Where's my pass?" - "The pier is for fishing"" " I've always loved Florence." " You should take her there." "She deserves a honeymoon." "Oh yeah, "lf San Antonio sweeps Sacramento..."" "You're off the road in September." "When does your fall quarter start?" "I'm not coming back to senior year." "Don't architects find a degree..." "an asset?" " Well, I travel every week..." " Being together is more important." "Say, Pinky I want to hear you sing." "No, Kimmy hates to sing." "My bride-to-be here is about to kick some ass on... what?" " No, it'll be fun." " Michael, she doesn't want to." "Ladies and gentlemen Please give it up for the vocal stylings of:" "Miss Kimberly Wallace" "You suck" "That was terrible Terrible" " You won't be lonely without us?" " Desperately" " Maybe we don't have to go." " To your grandmother's dinner?" "I'd babysit you, but my loyalty is to the bride in her time of need." " It's not really that." " Okay, if you're sure." " Sure?" " Then I'll stay with Michael." " Call me later?" " Of course." "Have fun." " You were shocked when I told you." " Shocked?" "No." "A little... a lot." " I fell off the bed." " That explains the thump." "You like her, don't you?" " Yeah..." "I do." " That's enthusiastic" " No." "She's great." " "No, she's great"." "She seriously can't sing a note." " But what a sacrifice..." " What sacrifice?" " Leaving school?" " All of it." "Giving it all up to follow you in this dumb job where you travel all year to places like College Station, Texas." " Dumb job?" " It's not a grown-up job, Michael." " My job never bothered you before." " It doesn't bother me now." "But I'm not Kimmy." "Her father owns the Sox and Cable Sports." " I'm surprised it hasn't come up." " What?" "Corner office with a view." "You, in a nice blue suit." " Living here, close to Mom and Dad." " No, never." "She would never even think of that." "You don't know her." "But Michael loves his job." "Sure Bad games, bad pay, bad towns, bad hotels, real bad food..." "Homeless, rootless, lonely." "Your copy gets into one issue in four..." "Why would he trade all that for a PR job at a firm like your father's?" " My father and I discussed that." " I'm not surprised." "So, do you think he'd really accept?" "Michael?" "It would be the greatest thing that ever happened to him." "Present company excepted." "So..." "We make your dad a co-conspirator." "Walter's re-organising PR and needs a brilliant guy that he can completely trust." "Then you beg: "Michael, do this for Daddy, just for six months"." " He'll see right through it." " Only if he wants to." "At the end of six months, he will be happy,   settled, successful." " Beautiful Do you have a date?" " You never can tell." ""Just the way you look tonight"." "Okay, kid." "You're up." "My father needs a favour." "He's re-organising some of the company divisions." "Public relations is a real problem area." "It would only be for six months." " Or three or four..." " And you knew about this?" "I think you ought to listen to her." "It's her life, too." "Are you telling me that Walter thought this up?" " Why don't you be honest, Kim?" " I am being honest" "I'm supposed to just drop out of school, forget my family and career?" " Forget all my plans?" " Forgive me for that." "I'm glad I'm hearing about this now." "What am I supposed to do?" "I have a low-paid, zero-respect job, which I happen to love." "Michael, it sounds like a great opportunity." "Really?" "How come you never took a sell-out establishment job?" " It's not you, and it's not me." " Okay, if that's how you feel..." "Just say it." "My job's not good enough." "I'm not good enough." " I never said that" " Yes, you did." "You wait till two days before our wedding to lay this on me." "I'm an insensitive, sexist asshole." "You're better off without me." "No, Michael You're so... so right." "And I'm so wrong." "We settled this and I reneged." "It wasn't fair." "You have to forgive me and forget this, or I'll just die" "I'm sorry..." "George and Werner are not in." "Brevity is the order of the day." "George!" "Answer this, damn it!" "I'm in a meltdown!" "She double crossed me." "She grovelled!" "She's so wrong for him." "Michael and I are the same person." "Self-absorbed and vaguely lovable." "I'm running out of time and sneaky ideas." "I'm at the end of my rope." "George, you have got to think of something!" "Coffee, anyone?" " George" " This is very Marcel Marceau." "Relax We don't want your face coming off." "Hideous room" "Death by mini-bar." "How glamorous" " You flew here." "You hate to fly" " I have to go back this evening." "You're butting in." "What I mean by "annoyingly perfect", is her perfection isn't annoying." "It is vulnerable and endearing." "And that is annoying" " You like her" " If I didn't hate her I'd love her." "This is my whole life's happiness." "I have to be ruthless." "He was in love with me." "I can make him happy." "I may break her heart, but I'm really doing her a favour." "She would be so miserable tagging on after this insensitive doof us." "Jules..." "Do you really love him?" "Or is this just about winning?" "In the beginning it was mostly..." "a prior claim." "He belonged to me." "But now, when I'm with him..." "He's just so wonderful" "How come I never knew that before?" "It's the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy." "George, believe me..." "If he felt like me, he would know how I feel." "It's horrible." "Just tell him you love him." "Julianne" "Tell him you loved him for nine years, but you were afraid of love." " Afraid of needing." " Needing what?" "To belong to someone." "We all are, sweetheart." "I'm sorry." "Tell him it's the worst, cruelest, dumbest moment to do this, but he's got to choose." "Tell him the actual truth?" "Maybe not the actual truth." "Highlights." "Arms at your sides, please." " Morning" " Michael, I have to talk to you." "No, I don't like the suit, but it's not that." " Guard this with your life." " What is it?" "The ring." "I don't trust Scotty with it." "Please... you're practically the best man anyway." "Open it." " She'll like it, won't she?" " Yes..." "So, what was it?" "You wanted to talk to me about something?" "We've known each other a long time." "20 years?" "Okay, not that long." "And in that time, we've grown... close." "Very close." "Do you know what I mean?" "I think so." "So, sometimes..." "Could you excuse us, please?" "Sometimes people think they know how they feel about each other." "But they don't... until... until they do." "I have a point." "The question is, am I getting to it?" "Whatever it is, it can't be that big a deal." "Oh, Michael "Big deal" is... a relative term." "Who's that guy?" "George." "He's my editor." " Why is he here?" "Are you working?" " No..." " He's here to be with me." " Why?" "Because he's my friend." "My good friend." "My best friend, these days." "You've been busy." "So... all of this has been about George?" " I'm speechless." " Well, that's Jules." " Congratulations" " Congratulations" "I told him." "If we're engaged, we shouldn't be ashamed of it." "He's racing back to New York." "He just came by to..." "Well, it takes a few hours." "Give me your ring" " I have to have an engagement ring." " I don't believe this..." " I came here to help you" " For one day, find me irresistible." "Stop it" "Something wrong?" "It's just the way you always talked about George." "It always seemed... seemed like..." "it sounded like George was..." " Gay?" " Actually, yes." " Common misconception" " It is." "Because George likes to pretend that he's gay." "Why would you do that?" " I find it attracts women." " It worked for me." "Big time." " Race you to the altar." " Underplay" "Hey, I'm Jules' fiancé, George." "Just in town for a quick... visit." " Are you going to humiliate me?" " Only if I can." "George" "I don't know why I'm so carried away" " It's so..." " Against God's plan?" "No, it's wonderful" "Mom" " You have to meet George." " Kimmy's little sister?" "They're gonna be married" " What's going on?" " Julianne's getting married." "I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but Jules said no." ""This is Kimmy's day." "Let's not take the attention"." ""Dear, sweet, adorable, chocolate-covered Kimmy"." "Those were her very words." " I think I'm gonna cry." " Me, too." "It's so sweet of you to come." "I insist you stay to lunch." "Love to Love the bag, the shoes, love everything." " What about your flight?" " Cancelled." "I was very worried about you." " About me?" " Well, what I heard was hilarious." "But all those broken relationships, all those men..." "It must have hurt." "Hurt?" "She couldn't sit down for seven years." "And all the while, the man of your dreams was right in front of you." "She's talking about me." "George, how did you and Julianne meet?" "George is my editor." "But we met long before that." "It's a very romantic story." " Would you like to tell it?" " No." "It's private." "Not any more." "I first met Julianne in a mental institution." "She was visiting a French chef she'd sent insane." "And I was visiting Dionne Warwick." "Well, that's who he thought he was." " Who is Dionne Warwick?" " Sacrilege" " She's Whitney Houston's aunt." " She's on "Psychic Friends"." "So there I was with "Dionne", having one hell of a sing-song." "Then suddenly, breezing out of the electroshock room, I saw her." "A vision in pink." " Pink?" "You don't wear pink." " She does, Michael, sometimes." " You do." " I do." "I said to Dionne, 'Who is this vision?"" "She must be the understudy to some Broadway star." "Her skin, her hair ln that moment, I knew." " We don't all need to know..." " Yes, we do" " I'm very curious." " They do." "I knew, that some day we'd end up like this." "Like some glittering Doris Day-Rock Hudson extravaganza." "And I said to Dionne, "Dionne, I'm in love"." "Could this siren love me?" "Are the gods that kind?" "Dionne turned to me, opened her lovely eyes and said..." "What did she say?" "The moment I wake up... before I put on my makeup" "I say a little prayer for you while combing my hair now and wondering what dress to wear now" "I say a little prayer for you for ever you'll stay in my heart and I will love you forever, we never will part oh howl love you together, forever, is how it must be to live with out you" "would only mean heartbreak for me!" "Go, Granddaddy" "All right, now" " Heartbreak for you, actually..." " Just get on your plane." "I'll call at the turn of the century when I've forgiven you." " It'd never have worked out." " It was dishonest." "Different temperaments." "Look." "Tell him you love him." "Bite the bullet." "George" "What will he do?" "He'll choose Kim." "You'll stand beside her at the wedding, kiss him goodbye, and go home." "That's what you came here to do." "So do it" "George isn't my fiancé, Michael." "It's been over for ages, but he can't accept it." "I'd built you up so much, I couldn't let him lose face." "He could never stack up to the one man I measure everyone against." "This is strange..." "When you told me you were marrying George  I got this really strange..." "You were jealous?" "Crazy jealous." "I'm sorry." "Can we spend some time alone this afternoon?" "Would that be all right?" "I've been thinking a lot, the last couple of days, about us." "Have you?" " There are a lot of memories." " It's more than that." "It's kind of embarrassing to say it this way, but..." "You've sort of been..." "the woman in my life." "You've been the man in mine." "I was thinking, this could be our last time alone." " Except for an affair twice a year." " Except for that." "I mean, you commit to this wedding, and then..." "And then there's this momentum, and you forget you chose it." "You and I didn't... in our relationships with other people..." "We didn't use the word "love" a lot, did we?" "Kimmy says, if you love someone, you say it." "You say it right then, out loud" " Otherwise, the moment just..." " Passes you by." "We don't even have a song." "Kimmy and I..." "We don't have a song." "You think that's a bad sign?" "Some day, when I'm awfully low and the world is cold I will feel a glow thinking of you and the way you look tonight" " Is your dance card filled?" " I'll have to check my power book." "Is that right?" "Excuse me..." " I thought Michael was taking me?" " I said I'd do it." "I'm kind of unofficial best man..." "Kim said there was no friction with Michael over the job?" " Friction?" "No" " Good." " I haven't caused a problem?" " No, nobody has." "You're a little bit early." "I need to make some calls." "Could I use your office?" " Of course At the end of the hall." " Thank you." "Take your time" "E-mail..." "New letter." ""To Eric Isaacson..."" ""Senior Editor, Sport Magazine"." ""From:" "Walter Wallace"." "You can do this, it's easy." "Just do it fast, get it over with." ""Eric, I need a favour"." ""My daughter's very happiness is in your hands"." ""I have offered Mike O'Neal, my new son-in-law, a great opportunity with my company"." ""To his own detriment," "Michael will not accept our offer, while he works for you"." ""My daughter joins me in this plea for your co-operation"." "'With gratitude, Walter"." "SEND?" "Why would I send this?" "He'd get fired." "No." ""Save for later"." "I'm not sending it, just saving it for a few hours." "Till we come back and Michael can see it." "Perfectly harmless" "SAVE" "Send out this, this, not this, ... that's it." "And there are four or five e-mails I wrote over lunch." "Send them, too." " I can't believe it Try every key" " It's the wrong set." "There's got to be a janitor, or a guard, or a cleaning woman" "Somebody has to be in there I need a brick..." "What's the big deal about getting this file tonight?" " I have a deadline." " And I'm getting married" "Exactly Everyone is going to be so busy..." "So it's my last chance to get up there to Walter's office..." " Then I could e-mail it out now." " Tomorrow's Sunday" "Monday morning, crack of dawn, Walter will walk you right up there." "Give it up, kid" "You can't win them all." "Goodnight." "Jules..." " This thing means that much to you?" " Yes." "Come on, we'll phone from your room." "Walter's probably not even asleep." "We'll drive up, get the right key, and go back to the office." "But if I fall asleep on the altar tomorrow, you'd better be there." "These are all from Eric." "This fax is from Eric, too." " Can't he ever leave me alone?" " Maybe it's congratulations." "What is it?" ""I can't believe I'm doing this just before your wedding, but you need and deserve to know what you're marrying into"." ""l received the following e-mail this afternoon"." ""Eric, I need a favour." "My daughter's happiness..."" "Isabelle, I need to talk to Kim." " Is there anything wrong?" " No, I'm just tired." "Jules..." "Could you give me a minute?" "Please?" "Excuse me, miss." "Are you locked out?" "No, I just stepped out..." "It's a non-smoking room." "It's a non-smoking floor, too." "Why don't you go down to the lobby?" "Why don't you have me arrested?" "I mean it I am a dangerous, criminal person." "I do bad things to honest people." "Make a citizen's arrest" "It'd be like getting Al Capone on tax evasion." "Can I help you, miss?" " Do you smoke, Richard?" " Yes, I do, but..." "It's a non-smoking floor." "But, you know what?" "You know, my grandmother always said:" ""This, too, shall pass"." "Thanks, Richard." "I want you to quit this shit." "It'll kill you." "What happened?" "It's over." "She denied it." "She said I was crazy and paranoid." "A bad combination." "There's a big brunch tomorrow at her parents' house." "And she said, "How can I call it off?"" "'What do I tell everyone?" No, it's for the best, it really is." "She was right." "I am crazy... to fall for someone I hardly knew." "I'm so glad you're here." "You still got that ring?" "I tried it on, and it won't come off." "Why don't we take a walk, or have some food sent up?" "I just want to be alone." "Is that okay?" "Sure." "Maybe I'll go back to New York for a while with you." "Eric will understand." "Or we could go somewhere, if you want." ""If San Antonio sweeps Sacramento..."" "I've never been to Texas." "What?" "Can I try that?" "Excuse me." " So this is how you call it off?" " I came here to confront them." " Besides, she hasn't told anyone." " Michael, there's a wedding at six." "Have you changed your mind?" "Do you want to marry Kimmy?" "I made a decision." "It's over." "I'll go tell them..." "First..." "Do you think she's all right?" "Maybe you could go check on her?" "These are the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen." "How is he?" "He's wondering why you haven't told your parents the wedding's off." "I'm still hoping for a miracle." "How could he think we would do such a thing?" "I only minored in psychology, but..." "Maybe Michael couldn't commit to this marriage." "So he created a delusion." "Produced an unconscious psychosomatic manifestation of..." "I'm better with food." "Okay..." "You're Michael." "You're in a fancy French restaurant." "You order..." "créme bruleé for dessert." "It's beautiful." "It's sweet." "It's irritatingly perfect." "Suddenly, Michael realises he doesn't want créme bruleé." " He wants something else." " What does he want?" " Jell-O." " Jell-O Why does he want Jell-O?" "Because he's comfortable with it." "Jell-O makes him... comfortable." "Compared to créme bruleé, it's..." "Jell-O." "But that's what he needs." " I could be Jell-O." " No" "Créme bruleé can never be Jell-O." "You could never be Jell-O." " I have to be." " Never" "Tell your parents." "Don't wait for "Do you take this man..."" "I love him The delusions I drove him to have some truth in them." "I want him to work for my father." "I want to stay in school." "Please, tell him it's my fault, and that I love him." "You're the only person that I trust." "I'll be right back." "How is she?" " Hey, knock it off" " Yes, sir" " I asked..." " She admits that it's her fault." "Do you think she still loves me?" "Love... it's a strong word." "I don't know that I'm qualified..." "I guess I could say that in her way she has strong feelings..." "Sure she does, Michael." "She's crazy about you." "Tell her I'll marry her at six, if she'll still have me." "Please?" "I'll be right... right back." "What did he say?" "He said..." ""Marry me"." "Thank God you were here" " I got so confused." " It happens." " Got a minute?" " What's up?" "I'll say this quickly, or I'll have a coronary and you'll never hear it." "This is, by far, the dumbest thing I've ever done." "So dumb, in fact, that I can't..." "But I'm gonna" "What's wrong?" "Michael..." "I love you." "I've loved you for years, but I was too arrogant and scared to see it." "Now I'm just scared." "I realise it's an inopportune time, but I have this gigantic favour to ask of you." "Choose me." "Marry me." "Let me make you happy." "That sounds like three favours, doesn't it?" "But..." "Kim" "Michael" "They're lovely together" "That's our maid of honour." "She's from New York." "Michael, wait You'll never catch her." "Doesn't anybody leave their car unlocked?" "Nobody trusts anyone" "Ah, a good Samaritan." ""Shy tendrils of russet pleasure began their unbidden journey"." ""She moaned." "The tonnage of years of anguish, sacrifice, mingling..."" "It is not going well" "This is what comes Of telling the truth!" " Justice isn't fair!" " Where are you?" "I've stolen a bread van." "I'm chasing Michael on Michigan Ave." "It's all your fault I told him I loved him, and I kissed him." " Jules, did Michael kiss you back?" " We were lip-to-lip" " But did it give you any hope?" " We were interrupted." " By who?" " Kimmy." "Now he's chasing her." "Michael's chasing Kimmy." "You're chasing Michael." "Who's chasing you?" "Nobody There's your answer." "You're not the one" "The wedding is at six p.m." "You have a small opportunity to do the right thing." "George?" "All aboard" "I have a confession to make." "Another confession." "Besides that I love you." "This is even worse." "The e-mail that Walter sent to your boss..." "I wrote that." "I wrote that." "I'm the bad guy." "Are you crazy?" "Jules, are you completely insane?" "I mean..." "Jules, how could you do that?" "It wasn't supposed to get sent." "I just wanted you to get mad at Kimmy." "I've done nothing but underhand, despicable things since I got here." "I was..." "I was just trying to... win you... win you back." "But that doesn't excuse any of it." "I'm pond scum." "Lower, actually." "I'm like the fungus that feeds on pond scum." "Lower." "The pus, that infects the mucus, that cruds up the fungus, that feeds on the pond scum." "On the other hand..." "Thank you." "For loving me that much." "That way, it's pretty flattering." "Except it makes me fungus." "Well, that part I knew." "God" "I'm glad you didn't get on that train." "I came here looking for her." " Why would she be here?" " This is where I proposed." "I had to cover a game in Milwaukee." "She saw me off." "The train was starting to leave..." "I jumped up on the step and held the handle." "Without a thought in my head, I just shouted, "Marry me"" "And the train was pulling out, and she suddenly screamed, 'Yes"" "Just once." "And blew me a kiss." "It would have been a nice wedding." "You can't believe you've lost her" "You'll find her, and see all that love in her eyes." "I just hope it's soon, or I'd hate to be you at six o'clock." "Wait." "We'll split up." "Go to every romantic place the two of you have." "And I'll go... someplace brilliant." "We'll find her." "We will find her" " Wallace residence." " Have you heard from Kimmy?" " She slipped out in the commotion." " Commotion?" "My sister licked an ice sculpture and her tongue froze to it." " That's a commotion?" " It's a sculpture of the "David"." " And so Kimmy would be..." " Probably with Michael, doing it." "Or else crying in Comiskey Park." "Some guy said he saw her there." "Can you bring my dress to the church?" "I have to get something." "Don't forget to shave." "Here's the hair dryer." "It's going to be okay." "No pictures, please" "Kimmy" " I know you're in here." " Leave me alone, you bitch" "Who the hell do you think you are?" " Cat fight" " You pretended to be my friend." " And I made you maid of honour." " Who asked you to do that?" " Michael trusted you, so I did." " You didn't trust me for a second." " I was right." " Yes, but that's not my fault." "You kissed him At my parents' house On my wedding day" " Tramp" " Shut up" "I'm not giving this man up to some two-faced, big-haired food critic." "All right, I kissed him" "I tried to steal him." "I lost." "He doesn't love me." "He loves you." "I haven't done much that I'm proud of the last three days." "I'd like to take you to the church." "So you can walk down that aisle, and marry the man of our dreams." "Because he sure wants to marry you." "So let's wish Mike and Kim every happiness, for a long and happy life, filled with... happiness." " I guess that's it." " To the bride and groom" "Now let's hear from the maid of honour, the lovely Julianne." "I had the strangest dream." "I dreamed that some psychopath was trying to break you two up." "Luckily, I woke up, and I see... that the world is just as it should be." "My best friend has won the best woman." "I didn't get you a gift..." "However... this is on loan... until you two find your song." " It's mine" " I don't think so." "I got it" "Bye" " Hello, George." " Having a good time?" " No, but I did what I came to do." " You split them up?" " No, I said goodbye." " Good girl, I'm proud of you." " But you should be dancing." " I have big plans for that." "Just give me 30-35 years." "The misery, the exquisite tragedy, the Susan Hayward of it all." "I can picture you sitting alone in your lavender gown." " Did I tell you it was lavender?" " You haven't touched your cake." "Probably drumming your fingernails on the white linen table cloth." "Perhaps even thinking, I should have had that manicure!" " But it's too late now!" " I didn't tell you it was lavender" "Suddenly, a familiar song..." "And you're off your chair in one exquisite movement wondering, searching, sniffing the wind like a deer." "Has God heard your prayer?" "." "Will Cinderella dance again?" "Then suddenly, the crowds part and there he is." "Sleek, stylish, adiant with charisma." "Bizarrely, he's on the telephone." "But then, so are you." "And he comes towards you, like a jungle cat" "And even though you correctly sense that he is... gay, like most devastatingly handsome single men, you think, 'What the hell, life goes on"." "Maybe there won't be marriage." "Maybe there won't be sex." "But, by God, there'll be dancing" "Bond." "Jane Bond."