"Sign posts, they say very clearly you are here." "Even if here is not where you wanna be" "And especially when inevitably the billionaire you let get away shows up." "hello, Sam." "Funk. hi." "I--oh, it was so weird." "I was just walking by, and I found this arrow." "uh, so things are going well for you since you left my company?" "yeah, super-duper, yeah." "no, I mean, I, uh, get to work outdoors, you know?" "it's not all cooped up in some limo." "you know, it is so good to see you." "I'm glad I didn't take the helicopter." "well, you still could've seen me." "you can probably see me from space." "well, I'll let you know." "I'm actually gonna be hitching a ride on the shuttle in June." "really?" "oh, eating meals through a tube." "no, thank you." "you take care, Sam." " and say hi to your mom for me, all right?" " yeah." "hey." "hey, you're making it look like you made food." " who are you apologizing to?" " no." "my mother is coming over here to discuss our business, and I am going to quit. yeah." "oh." "okay, so I'm just gonna go." "she'll understand, right?" "I mean, she has to." "I just can't do it anymore." "how did I get here, you know?" "I mean, a year ago," "I make this big old deal about leaving Chapman  Funk to go do great things with my life, and now here I am, working with my mother in this dead-end job, and my ex-boyfriend's sleeping on my couch because I need the rent." "I mean, is that not the Lamest thing you've ever heard?" "well, it's up there, but no." "I just have to do something." "I have to do anything." "god. it was so obvious when I was talking to Funk today" "Funk?" "where'd you see Funk?" "oh, on the street corner that I work." "that didn't come out right." " anyway, he's sitting there, in his limo-- - the "limo."" "I bet he looked like a dork." "yeah, he was pretty jealous of my big arrow." " Andrea, I hate to bother you-- - then don't." "oh...that's funny." "um, you know the school I'm substitute teaching at is having a fund-raiser auction-- you're a teacher?" "you knew that." "what happened to that flower shop?" " I" " I've never had a flower shop." " hmm." "i guess we'll have to agree to disagree, then." "okay, yeah." "um, anyway, I was thinking, maybe if I donated a ball autographed by Tony Dane that maybe the school would hire me full-time, and then I'd get that insurance. yay!" "since when am I someone you can ask for a favor?" "since I heimliched that olive out of your throat." "oh, some favor. that was my dinner." "look, Andrea, I" " I need that dental." "I keep trying to chew every bite 20 times like I promised my mom, but I get to, like, 14, and I just taste blood." "listen to what I'm dealing with." "according to research from Tony Dane's publicist, people think I'm heartless." "wow, I don't--I don't know where they're getting that." "I mean, that's-- six out of ten people surveyed would rather see Tony gay than marry me." "if I don't start testing better, they're gonna call off my wedding." "hey. huh?" "what if--what if you get this ball signed for me, and then people won't think you're as horrible as you really are." "better idea." "I'll get that ball signed for you, but first, how do you feel about choking to death?" "oh..." "I don't know." "I always thought I'd be stabbed." "I've always envied this about you, Samantha." "I can never relax in my home unless it's clean." "yeah." "sit down, mom. um... pizza bagel?" "oh, lord. you pretended to make food." "what have you done?" "okay, mom, now listen." "I love working with you," " but this is just not my dream job, and I-- - don't say another word." "I understand." "I don't think you do." " I don't feel horrible yet." " this is not the job for you." " I get that." " oh." "it's like when I used to help you with your math homework, and finally I just stopped trying to push that rock up a hill." "and I said, "she's not gonna need this math. she's pretty."" "that was a while ago, but, you know, still..." " you know what you need to do?" " yes, something meaningful with my life." " go to Vegas." " what?" "Vegas?" "why?" "I got an invitation to a motivational seminar." "they promise to focus you on your dream and help you achieve it." "plus, I got tickets to Bette Midler." "yes. mom, that is exactly what I need." "well, except for betting on the Midler thing, because I don't know anything about gambling, but Vegas--yes, let's do it!" " real estate. you tricked me." " no, no, no, no." " unbelievable." " no, no, no, no, no." "Really, no." "and I j" " I'm just trying to light a fire underneath you." "and they have some great motivational seminars here" "I" " I mean, one where they actually light a fire underneath you." "?" "here's $20for the poker machines." "that's all you get, okay?" "so have fun." "see you in a while." " where are you going, daddy?" " oh, I like keno." "you know, you can watch sports, drink and have an exotic woman take your money 5 bucks at a time." "it's like the navy again. mm." " come on." "We're gonna be late." " no." "I'm already late starting my life, mother." "I am leaving. okay?" "you're gonna miss out on the free to bag." "miss Newly." "hi." "it's been a while, ma'am." "meaning I've been here before, meaning you probably want me to leave." "I'm really sorry." " would you like to play?" " um, oh, no, I don't have any cash on me." "I could get some quarters from my mom," " but she's in the conference-- - this is in your account from last time--$50,000." "$50-- $50,000?" "this is--is--this is mi--I could-- that's, uh, that's money?" "that's like..." "I could ch-change that?" "that's mine?" "that's my money?" "you mean I could just walk away from here with all of that?" "just... free and clear?" "yes." "or you could play some." "new shooter!" "new shooter!" "Place your bets." "ah!" " you wanna blow on 'em for good luck?" " sure." "maybe a little." "welcome back, miss Newly." "thanks, bill." "It's good to be back." " new shooter." "Good evening." " hi." "Samantha who?" "S02 E13 point is six. odds on the six." "cover the hard ways." "vodka martini, dry, 2 olives." "another $500 on the come." "place the 10, and 50 yo." "come on, baby!" "who likes money?" "how do you lose $100,000?" "well, first you have $50,000, and you lose that." "then they lend you another $50,000, and you lose that." "that's $100,000." "see, mom?" "that math paid off." "you're just like your mother." "she lost her whole $20 while I was in the bathroom." "oh, yeah, that's gotta hurt, dad." " why are you smiling?" " I'm not smiling." "I'm sad for you that you have to keep working with your mother to pay off your debt." "that's a smile." "mm. it's the way my mouth is set." "I'm like a dolphin." "no. forget it." "no, I saw it." "I saw freedom and autonomy." "I had it in my hands." "I know what that feels like." "daddy, were you gonna leave me anything when you died?" "'cause, you know, that day is sneaking up on us." "oh, can't help you, kiddo." "the support group I went to after your mom's last bingo bender-- they taught me the worst thing you can do is be an enabler." "come on, honey." " Regina." "Regina, no, no." " j- just one quarter." "I can feel it." "this machine is about to blow." "I can feel it!" "here you go." "how am I supposed to choke on this?" "it's soft." "you don't have to really choke. just pretend." "hey, I did three summers of theater camp." "don't question my process." "ugh." "ah... all right." " it's show time." " mm." "ooh!" " ooh!" "ooh!" "ooh!" " Dena!" "Dena, are you choking?" "oh, my god!" "she's choking to death." "it's me, Andrea Belladona." "I'll save you." "come on. come on, girl. oh!" "don't worry." "I'm a scout." "I know exactly what to do." "kid, it's all right." "I got it." " no, come on." "I need my life saving badge." " kid, get back!" "Ow!" "my arm!" "he's fine. he's fine." "Andrea Belladona broke my arm!" "Aah!" "and scene." "I'm just trying to help you, bill." "I mean, how can you stay in business if people lose?" "you know, that is just nota model for success. you know?" "I really wish I could help you, miss Newly." "okay, here's the thing, bill" "I have amnesia." "yeah. yeah. you can get in a lot of trouble for letting me play." "so, uh, why don't you just give me back my money, and I won't go to the department of casino rules, which is very real." "it's good to see you again, miss Newly." "no, bill!" "bill, what if I can't pay?" " I'm not worried about that. you'll pay." " okay, but what if I can't?" " you will." " how?" "bill... they're gonna break my knee caps, aren't they?" "I need my knees, bill." "I mean, how can I beg without my knees?" "right?" "bill?" "bill?" "Sam?" "hey." "Funk." "be with you in just one second, okay?" "ahem. who makes this carpet again?" "I'm gonna be homeless." "God, this is all my mother's fault." "you know, I see homeless people on the street, and I wonder how does something like that happen to these people?" "and you know why?" "they know my mom." "I know. it-- it hurts." "oh, god. why didn't I just go to that conference?" "I'd have all that money and a lovely tote." "you would have loved my seminar." "I did this thing where we light a fire under someone's chair." "why didn't I just walk away from that table?" "because you loved it." "what?" "no, I didn't." "I hated it." " oh, really?" " yeah." "the action, the buzz, money flowing in and out, people hanging on your every move... oh, I loved that... for a moment." "one... sweet, ecstatic moment of pure joy." "I just--for one moment, I" " I was just... you were in the game." "yeah." "come on." "Come back and work for me." "what?" "no." "No, I'm not going backwards." "come on." "I'll advance you the money." "you can work it off and leave when you want." "where's the downside here?" "so do you like them?" "yes. they make you look very attractive." "thank you." "You're very generous to accept." "without recipients like you-  just you..." " mm-hmm." "the Winston Funk foundation would fail to keep its tax-exempt status." " mm." "They give so much." " mm." "it makes me want to give something back." "yeah?" "well?" "no, it's just another street corner." "no, thanks." "all right." "At least let me cover the debt." "I want to do something here to help." "oh, god. will you please stop?" " where are you going?" " I don't know, but... you know what?" "I'm a smart and creative woman, and I am sure there are millions of ways for me to raise that money on my own." "you sure you don't want any shoes?" " I've got some brand-new Jimmy Choo's, never been worn." " no. no, thanks." "no, no, no, no, no." "I don't come to your work and sell my undergarments." "I expect the Same courtesy of you." "I'll give you a free football phone." "a half-hour more, but that's it." "well, of course I wanted to do something nice for young Jason here." "I mean, I felt so bad after he tripped and he broke his arm." " after you pushed me to the ground." " oh, you." "well, I mean, what really matters here, as Tony Dane's fiancée, is that..." "I was able to get a signed, autographed basketball that I'd like to present to Jason now." "thank you." "you know, the basketball's great and everything, but what I really want to know is..." " will you go to my prom with me?" " oh." "I'd love to." "Sam." "Sam, come and look." "we have to get a new TV, 'cause I'm keeping that picture on this one." "that is so not fair." "it's my blood. who says I can only sell it twice a week?" "well, if it helps, I can sell some of my sports memorabilia." "I have a football phone worth a couple thousand dollars." "that's okay." "Don't even look for it." "Please." "well, what are you gonna do?" "I mean, you can't raise 50 grand selling your underwear." "no, at least not without me in it." "I don't know what I'm gonna do, but it cannot involve my mother or being taken care of by some rich guy who just wants to love me and be with me and make everything so much easier." "wait a minute." "why don't I want that again?" " because that won't make you happy." " really?" "'cause it sounds like it would." " Sam, you're better than that." " maybe not." "you know this." "You go anywhere near this guy, you might as well stamp "property of Winston Funk"" "you'll be another acquisition." " wait. come here. come here. just..." " what?" "look." "Look what this guy already owns." "where on the list do you think you go?" "what are you doing on his website?" "I had some microwave popcorn." "a bunch of kernels didn't pop, and on the side of the bag, it said, "a division of Funk worldwide,"" "so I e-mailed a complaint." "look, whatever. just look." "dyotyne electric, labasoche champagne... parkington brand." "no, no. wait. wait. wait. wait." "what was that?" "what was that?" "son of a bitch." "he owns that casino." "seven out. shooter loses." "oh, come on, bill." " let me sign for another $30,000." " cut her off, bill." "yeah?" "then you'll get cut off." "that looks like a nine from here." " nine pays." " it does, doesn't it?" "thank you." "oh, my god." "he's been playing me this entire time." "he lured us to that conference." "puts $50,000 into my account, which I couldn't possibly have won." "so then when I lose it all, he can just show up and save the day." "it's flattering." "I gotta give him that." "and now you know you have to stay away from him." "why?" "I mean, if he wants me that badly, that just gives me lever age to get what I want." "look, Sam, you can't beat him." "you should know this by now." "the house always wins." "well, then there's only one thing left to do." "beat the house." "well... look who's been sitting in my chair." "well, I wanted to see how it blew smoke up your butt all day long, but I can't seem to find the button." "wait a minute." "I know that outfit." "if I remember correctly, it has a tricky zipper." "well, I decided to dress up for my job interview today." " how am I doing?" " I don't know." "where do you see yourself in five years?" "still beating you over the head with this stapler if you don't hire me." "so you want your old job back?" "I don't want my old job back." "I want to run something-- something philanthropic to match my new, more charitable reputation." " I believe we'll find a position you like." " we always have." "wow. you look beautiful." "just go." "i don't care how drunk I get." "you do not get to touch my boobs." "listen, in case we end up together," "I just want to let you know that tricking you into this wasn't my idea." "yeah?" "then whose idea was it?" "Andrea!" "oh, you look great." "maybe they'll vote you queen." " you." " me." "Jason, you got my ball?" "God, you guys look so grown-up!" "makes me want to cry." "ha ha." "some scout." "See if I ever buy your cookies." "look, I'm sorry." "she wanted the ball, and I-I knew there was a chance you wouldn't go with me if I asked straight up." "you probably prefer the cool guys like in the marching band." "there was a tuba player in the tenth grade-- didn't know I was alive." "your poll numbers came in low, too, huh?" "turns out being a scout isn't exactly the chick magnet my rabbi said it would be." "what the hell?" "I look hot." "Let's go." "I'm not wearing that. no." "this shouldn't take too long, so if you want to get a bite afterwards," "Bloody Mary's in Bora Bora has an amazing monkfish on Friday." "mm, that sounds good." "let me just do this first, okay?" " right." " yeah." " ladies and gentlemen of the business press..." " ooh. all right. ooh. save it." " I am--oh, okay." "I'm sorry." " sensitive." "do I..." " just?" " okay. okay." "ladies and gentlemen of the business press," "I am Samantha Newly, vice president of the Winston Funk foundation." "today is a great day, because although the foundation has fallen short of its giving goals in recent years, today Mr. Funk is pledging... $30 million a year to various charities at my sole discretion." "I'm sure Mr. Funk and I will make fine partners because he told me personally all he wants to do is help." "now..." "Mr. Funk will answer all of your questions." "yeah, I'm gonna take a rain check on that lunch" " 'cause I'm gonna be awfully busy." " okay." "Mr. Funk, I was just curious... you know, just because your life is already pretty far down one road doesn't mean you can't take it forward." "hey, mom!" "I'm returning your arrow." "I can't have it at my place." "I keep making a wrong turn at the kitchen." " guess what?" " what?" "I sold a house!" "Oh, whoa, sorry." "I didn't hear you." " all I heard was "Chardonnay." - mm." "what happened?" "you know, they told us at that seminar that we have to find our motivation, and my disappointment in you was the only motivation I needed, so as long as you keep letting me down, there's gonna be no stopping me." "don't worry if there's no sign to point the way." "just trust your own compass and follow the arrow." "the point is to take the wheel and drive." "sometimes the side roads are where you find the best surprises." "hey." "you know, it's hard to play the ukulele without looking like a dork, but you keep at it" "so you wanna go out on Saturday night?" "yes." "it's a game, right?" "i mean, you can't win if you don't play."