"When my ass was 19 years old," "I changed the face of professional baseball." "Ladies and gentleman do we have a barn burner on one?" "Bottom of the night, game 7, bases loaded, 2 down and Atlanta has gone to the ball penalty with workin'picture" "Kenny Powers." "This kid is untested folks." "Untested, he's run the count 4 to Eddy Patterson." "The all star first basement." "Closer down off a third." "Paterson off second, Powers on third." "He shakes off a sign, and the 3-2 pitch" " And he's done it." " Get fucking out." "Kenny Powers has done it," "Kenny Powers has done it, Atlanta won the series, listen to this crowd." "I was handed the keys to the kingdom." "Multimillion dollar deals." "Endorsements." "Everyone wanted a piece of my shit." "You are fucking out." "You're fucking out." "Just a man with a mind for victory and an arm like a fucking canon." "But sometimes when you've been in the thunder." "you get lost in the storm." "I'm sick and tired of carrying all the weight." "This coach and this owner is not giving me the shit I need to win." "Atlanta, you're fucking out." "Kenny Power is now a free agent." "Bought* a bar, get ship bases, huh?" "Get me paid bitch." "Superstar!" "So Kenny," "How do you feel about playing for New York?" "You mean Jew York, it's fucking great." "I gotta tell you." "I thought the blacks in Boston were bad." "But it turns out they're nothing compared to these fag we got from San Francisco." "Here a true champion, face to face with his darkest dare." "It could take whatever it takes to rise above." "Do you have any comments on the steroid allegations?" "I said I'm not on steroids!" "A man fights, fights, and then fights some more." "Because surrender is death." "And death is for pussies." "Kenny Powers, a career in the one shot so much promised...." "Hello men, come on mother fucker" " you can feel the sun going down on." " With a count 2 and 0 and a runner at 3rd." "One out here in the end." "He stretches." "Swangs on." "And that ball is gonna be out in a hurry." "The nail on the coffin of a career and Kenny Powers kicks his glove." "You're fucking out!" "You're fucking out!" "And my ass ain't no pussy." "My ass is a working..." "Write your name in the top right corner, followed by birth date and social security number." "Fill out the form completely." "When you finish, hand in your form to me." "Welcome to the Shelby County school system." "And your new exciting career as a substitute teacher." "You'll never gonna believe who is sat in front of me?" "Kenny fucking Powers!" "No shit." "Yeah it's him." "No, I don't know, he looks like shit." "He looks like a big bag full of masta peso." "Kenny Powers!" "Holy shit!" "I knew that was you." "Slow the fuck down, dude." "Marcus Shank." "You bang my step sister back in high school." "What the fuck are you doing back here man?" "= Team Subs-Addicts = = PREAIR =" "¤ Aka  YaYa ¤" "Veen" "Sixe" "NaErT." "Hey, get me one of that Texas toaster, bro!" "Here you go." "Thanks." "Did you get the Christmas cards we got you this year?" "Yeah I think so." "I mean I got a ton of fan mail so it's a lot of mail to go through." "But, yeah, I mean I think I did." "You all get that... the tenant bed I sent you all last year?" "The one you sent three years ago." "It's in the garage." "Three years." "Well, this is a tenant bed, you know, so." "You boys ever attacked anybody?" "Beat up any kids in the neighborhood?" "When we were kids, me and your dad, used to beat a shit out of this retard brother that used to live down the street from us... hilarious." "This guy was the most ruthless one." "Now, I was in here, he's got a family," " he's got a nice shirt on." " We try to teach our children, not to make fun of others who are challenged." "Mongoloid Mike, is that he used to call him?" "He busts his head with a stick, remember that?" "I think we're gone tone down the language, right?" "Hey Mama, I'm still blown and you got three kids." "I mean I remember you having this one." "All blond of you everywhere." "We got three." "Three and some young men." "The Powers'way." "The littlest one is a girl." "You certainly are!" "Her name is Rose, named after Kate Winslet in the movie Titanic." "You named your daughter out of fucking Titanic?" "It's Cassie's favorite movie." "You gotta be shiting me." "What's his name?" "Fucking Shrek?" "No, OK." "Hey, hey!" "Did you hear about Brian?" "He get his head burned off in a motorcycle accident last year." " And his face literally is burned off?" " Straight off." "It's gross." "I mean anytime anyone has some sort of." "I can handle a limb gone or a leg, but any sort of infirmary on the face It's just like, I don't wanna be around you." "I don't want to try to identify with you as a human it's just disgusting like..." " It's hard to look at." " It's gross." "You know what," "I'm not gonna talk to Brian anymore because I don't want to have be almost throwing up when I speak to him." "So thanks for letting me crash here." "I appreciate it." "Yeah, sure man." "Cass and I wondered speaking of which, how long do you plan on, you know," " staying here?" "Why?" "I mean like that." "And how much times do I have to tell you this?" "Gatorade is still trying to get a piece out of my ass." "I got the IRS up on my shit I need to take a job so that the government can gage my fucking wages, men." "I mean, give me a little breather room here." "You just gotta give me some walk around money and that'll be fine?" "How long think that's gonna be?" "You wanna know how much I'll stay in here?" "Four fucking years." "About that?" "Really, we're brothers." "You want me to really give you a date?" "No, no, just..." "Well, I just wanna know how long it's gonna be till you..." "Till what?" " Get your shit together, Kenny." " I'm kidding." "I'm not." "Undoubted, I knew the game was mine to win." "Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me." "I'm the man who has the ball," "I'm the man who can throw it faster than fuck." "So that is why I am better than everyone in the world." "Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone." "You've reached the end of cassette n°2..." "You're listening to the audio book "You're fucking out," "I'm fucking in "by Kenny Powers"." "Narrated "by Kenny Powers"." "I mean he draw a pentagram made of penises." "You know I think he's a real psycho." "I got my major in Arts, not psychology." "I don't know what to tell this kid." "April!" "April!" "What's happening gorgeous?" "Okay." " Just you in my arms here, OK." " Could you let me go please?" "I recognize your scent." "Do you recognize my essence?" " Yeah, that feels familiar." " It's nice to see you too." "I'm gonna need to change my pants." "I'm just playing out to uncool my pants." "Did I?" "I was surprised when I heard that you were coming back." "You know," "I'm just here to do some rehab on the shoulders, you know." "Trying to get my fuck on." "You know what I'm saying?" "Kenny," "If you think that I'm gonna hook up with you after all this time." "Then you've lost your god damned mind." "Your tits are great." "Kenny Powers in my school!" "It is a true pleasure to meet you." "I'm just a huge fan." "Charles Kutler, principal." " Big boss man, OK." " I'll guess so." "When I heard that you were gonna be subbing here," "I almost lost my mind." "That's good for you." "There's something you need to know about, Kenny." "You're not the only athlete around here." "I happen to be training for a triathlon." "So, running every morning, swimming and cycling." "You know all about that, right?" "No, actually I don't." "I play real sports, not trying to be the best at exercising." " Fuck is guy." " This guy..." " hilarious!" " Hilarious." "Let's get your paperwork started." "I'll show you where you're gonna be working." "How about this?" "How about you go ahead get the paperwork start," "I must stay around here and catch up with April." "You know April?" " We went to High School together." " We used to date." "You used to date?" "April?" "You never told me you dated Kenny Powers?" "Well." " That is so cool!" " Yes, it's a little too early to tell but it looks like the sparks are still flying." " God..." " I'm all get up in it." "That's not funny." " You're hilarious." " You're hilarious." "You know what, I..." "I am serious." "I forgot to tell you I'm engaged now." "Bullshit!" "You're engaged?" "You're right, who are you engaged to?" " To me!" " Yeah." "We're engaged." "May 11th, save the date because Kenny Powers is definitely coming to my wedding." "That's not negotiable, we'll find a room." "What's up?" "I'm Kenny Powers." "I'll be your new PE teacher till coach Bruce's back is fixed." "Yeah, I'm famous, Ladida big fucking deal." "That's right, your new teacher curses." "Let's get used to it, OK?" "Now this time, I'd like to fill any questions anybody have, this is the time to do it." " You!" "Big kid." " Do we have to run a mile?" "I'm talking about me, I'll answer questions about me personally, as a superstar." "You know you got moment in time here with an American icon." "And you're gonna waste it asking a question about the fucking mile?" "Who's next?" "Who's got something else for me here?" "You." "When you did steroids, they make your balls shrink?" "You think that's funny?" "How about I show my balls right here, and you could tell me if they shrunk." "No, for your information I have full size balls." "Next question." "Is it true you were in jail?" " No, babe, rehab." " Did you hurt yourself?" "No I didn't hurt myself." "Cause coach Bruce said after his back surgery, he has gone rehab." "Yeah I hurt myself." "I hurt my nose." "All right, got time for one more." "Timid kid!" "My dad said you ruin baseball." "You know what, I can already tell that I don't like you." "And I'm probably not gonna like you." "No matter how many pull up or pushups you do." "If anybody want to pickle anybody in class," "Aim for him, because I ain't watching." "And Terence is in a handicapped stall, with his pants around his ankles," " And that is why I don't drink." " God, and that is why I love you." "Hey I don't mean to break up a good time here but, I just saw 2 boys raping a 6th grade." " What?" " Raping..." "I'm just kidding." " Do you mind if I pony up in here?" " Sure, have a seat." "I don't know if you've met everybody yet or not?" " But let's get some introduction." " I know this piece of shit." "Your racist ass!" "Well." "That was..." "Mrs. Maholick." "She teaches civics and..." "Of course you already know Miss Buchanon." "And you got Mr. Nesbond, our drama teacher." "Mrs. Jones, she teaches English," "And our band teacher down here, Mr. Janowsky." "We already know each other too." " We do?" " Yeah, it's me Stevie." "Stevie Janowsky." "We went to high school together." " I was a drum major." " What the fuck is that?" "I led the home marching band." "Okay, I know, I made those tee shirts when you went to State, and I got everybody to wear them at the pep rally." "You remember that?" "All the matching tee shirts everybody wore?" "Am I supposed to remember every motherfucker I've ever met before?" "I don't know I just..." " 'cause the teachers were all matched." " Sorry, nothing, OK." "I don't remember you dude." "I've got lots of memories in my life, and sometimes you kinda have to dump the small ones to make room for the bigger ones." "But sometimes, when you try to dump the smaller one you think they're gone, but they're not." "They're sitting there, waiting the pick up exactly where they left off." "No matter if there are new memories sitting in their way or not." "Personally, I hate it when new memories get in the way of old ones." "All right, so let's me get this straight." "So" "I'm gonna pay for a blow job, and I gotta pay for goddam hotel room too?" "That just seems like I'm spending too much money for nothing." "I got a house." "You could just get your ass over here and do the blow job here." "Hey, this one is done too." " Could you take that as well?" " Thank you." "I'll wear a Scream mask." "The mask from Scream." "While I do you from behind." "Hello?" "Hey!" "Cassie, your cell phone blows!" "It's crazy just like being out, in the real working world, working a real job, like getting out of the house, it just exhausts you." "It really does." "It's exhaustic." "If you could keep focus on keeping your area clean?" " No problem." " I'd appreciate that." "Can I ask you a question hypothetical?" "When you were engaged to get marry to Dustin, if somebody else would asked you out, like what would you've said?" "Well, I was pregnant when Dustin asked me to marry him, so..." "Right, yeah, who's gonna want to stick that?" "Well, let's pretend that you weren't pregers, you were just normal." "And, that dude asked you out." "OK, well." "Kenny, I think I would say no." "I mean, it's true love." "You know when one heart connects with another heart, it's, sort of magical." "I really hope for you someday." "Wait." "Shut up for a second." "No, no!" "Get down!" "Get your ass down right now!" "Hop down your ignorant ass!" "Kenny, you cannot talk to my son like that!" "Get out, get out of here." "Get your ass down Hand" " ruining my goddam handle bars." " What's going on?" " He just swore at Wayne." " Why you're swearing to Wayne?" "Why you're taking her side when he's the one who has been wrong to you?" " Was just sitting on his jet ski." " Was just sitting on his jet ski." " That's why you're swearing at him?" " I will continue to swear Dustin, this jet ski ain't a god damn toy!" " Yes, it is." " Do you know what would have happen if he would have dry accelerate this jet ski on land?" "He would have ruined it." "You would have fucking ruined it!" "Kenny, if you're really strap for cash, sell the jet ski." "I don't tell you what to do with your money." "Don't fucking tell me what to do with mine, OK?" "Cassie, do not stare me those dead eyes, you jerk bitch!" " You are an asshole!" " Ultimately, I'll regret saying that." " That was an horrible thing to say." " Watch your fucking mouth, all right." "It's just:" "I'm Kenny Powers!" "I'm sorry, OK?" "I've been told that I have problems expressing my emotions." "And so I yell!" "So, I'm very sorry," "I don't mean to offend you Wayne." "You have fucking pissed me off." "But I'm just very upset right now." "Honestly, it's probably better if I just leave now." "So I'm gonna go ahead and go." "But I'm not gonna stop yelling." "Because then, that will mean I lost the fight." "So, fuck you all!" "I'm sorry, leave it to you on the mad, I'm out!" "Where you going?" "I'm going to Chabooms!" "The jet ski is a piece of fucking shit, by the way." "I know you." "I've seen your ass on TV." "And it ain't often we got many stars in here." "Stars kinda make me..." "How do I say it?" "A little wet in my pussy." "That's a one way to say, yeah." "Hell no!" "Hell no!" " Tracy get the fuck out of here." " Fuck you Craig!" "I'm just talking." "So daddy need a little TNC." "What you need is a shit ton of Altrix." "And you get the hell out of here!" "OK!" "Powers, in my office." "Let's blow some rails." "Finally motherfuckers." "That was basically college for me, just you know, fucking tours widespread all across the USA." "I don't know much about those guys, I never fuck a guy too much." "Man, I'll bring you some shit." "Just the choice." "It sounds great, I would like to I would like the Cds." "All right." "Fucking burning..." "I've been waiting the all time I've been here just having a good time," " I've been having the shitiest time..." " It's so fucking good to see you." "We may be here now, but we are free..." " They can't take that away from us." " We're still free," "Shit, I just got a new barbecue" "Fuck April Buchanan, she works at the... at the fucking middle store, she works there." "Is it I gotta go?" "April Buchanan's?" "Yep, she's engaged to the fucking principal over there." "Dude, this fucking dip shit that wants to be me, man." "I mean this girl is just a bleep on the radar." "A bleep with two big ass tits." "Like two big fucking poppers attached to a fucking sell out, dude." "So Kenny are you enjoying working here at Jefferson Davies?" "It's awesome." "Kenny, I..." "I have called you here for something, rather serious, kind upset, coach Booth died this morning." "They're not sure but they think he may have taking too many of the pain-pills the doctors gave him for his back." "Shit, you can die from that?" "Look," "I know you're a free agent, but since coach Booth isn't coming back, I was... just wondering if, maybe, you wanted to come to this team full time?" "I'd love to head you to the permanent roaster." "At least for the rest of the year." "I mean these kids could really benefit from having star athlete such as yourself around, and, could be good for you as well." "I'm talking, health insurance, 401, Kenny, and, in a few years," "you'll have tenure." "You don't find a lot of ball player with tenure." "Sleep on it, OK?" "You don't have to make up your mind right now." " You want a smoothie?" " No I'm straight." "You know I took April's virginity?" "What's that?" "I said I don't want a smoothie." "I'm looking for the world famous Kenny Powers." "Beat it out." "Cutler was asking all the teachers to pair up, and... so they can oversee at school activity, and I was just here..." "I was wondering if maybe... you would like to pair up with me and we can head up" " to Candfood river, or... or maybe..." " I ain't doing any of that bullshit." "I think," "I think you have to do one of them at least." "Fuck this place," "I'm getting out of this fucking shithole." "Kenny, I just want, well," "I think that it's really great that you came back home," "'cause sometimes everyone needs a hero." "And Kenny, friend to friend, you are my hero." "And I hope that one day, you can call me your friend," "like I call you my hero." "Would you please get the fuck out of here?" "Yeah, fuck you." "Fuck you." "What is that?" "It's Kenny." "How do you know?" "Because I know." "Dustin," "I know it is our Christ to give indeed to help up family but, can't we just kill him instead?" "I am the elder brother, no I can't kill him, but I'll lay his ass out." "Wake the neighborhood off the night." "Fucking burn this fucking house down!" " What the hell are you doing?" " Dustin look at me," "I'm a fucking icon!" " You are fucking up my siding." " Hey, fuck your siding." "God is taking a dump for my face." "Love of my life." "Don't wanna have sex with me 'cause she's getting married to some smoothie in fairy." "The only job I got is teaching a bunch of fucking piss-pants how to tie their shoes." "This is me Dustin, take a picture." "I know the last few years have been tough, but come on man, now you are living with us regular folks, big deal." "You act like this is a prison sentence or something." "I'm sorry if life here isn't glits and glamour you're used to, but you can't just run around acting like a baby." "You used to be someone I liked being around, and now, you're not." "That's fucking sad, man." "I mean you just nailed it, you just hit it on the head." "You said I wouldn't get back on top again?" "No I'm saying, need to stop being an asshole." "Yeah man, I've got to remember that I'm a winner man," "I need to remember that I am better than everybody else." "That's not what I'm saying at all." "Fuck man, I'm an old bullet proof tiger, dude." "If is everyone in this town has forget who I am, maybe it's time I remind'em." "Maybe it's time I remind everybody just who the fuck." " Kenny Powers is." " Knock that shit off!" "Brother, don't be sad OK, don't be bad, it's me, your brother." "You've help me see the light, now I'm help you." "You see that "Jet ski"?" "Sellin'it." "I'm sellin'the jet ski." " Bullshit" " Bullshit nothing, man!" "That jet ski is a toy, it's a distraction and, right now," "Kenny Powers does not need that," "Kenny Powers needs a focus, OK?" "Besides man, that can help your family, it can help pay for bills," "Kenny Powers is Back!" "KNOCK EM DEAD." "Excuse me students for this morning announcement." "The junior out fame comedy will hold an organizational meeting after school." " The year book money is now..." " Get away big shit." "Hop up." "Hop up, dick wee!" "Is this thing on?" "I just push the fucking button." "They can hear me right now?" "Hello school can you hear me?" "Can you hear me?" "Good morning, students, teachers, faculty members, lunch ladies, janitors, this is..." "Kenny Powers, professional base-ball player, and I got some I want to say." "All of you mother fuckers think you know who Kenny Powers is." "But all I'm here today to tell you all you don't know shit." "It comes a time in every man life when he's got to take a look at himself in the mirror, and decides just exactly who he is." "All I've come to that crossroad and I've decided." "Kenny Powers is a man," "Kenny Powers is an athlete," "Kenny Powers is a lover, but the most he is," "I mean the thing that Kenny Powers is the most, he's a goddamn champion." "And the one thing a champion does not do, is fucking quit." "A true champion faces his enemies," " and he conquers'em." " OK... maybe we should..." "And that is why I'm here today to tell you all, that Kenny Powers is officially, accepting the position of PE coach, here at Jefferson Davies middle school." "That is, until the majors call me back up." "So let's get the teaching on!" "I'm out!" "It's OK, settle down everyone, that was, mister Powers using some language that a bold eagle would never uses." "All right everybody, show's over, let's get back to work." "Miss Buchanon." "Yes honey?" "Where the fuck is that dude going?" "It's still the first period." "Fuck you Kenny piece of shit." "T"