"Thank you, Alice." "You've been a big help." "I wish I could have tea with everyone." "I really wish I could." "Tea is for grownups, dear." "But, Mother, when will I be grown up?" "Oh, be patient, Alice." "Teatime for you will come soon enough." "Now, why don't you go outside and keep your sister company?" "Yes, Mother." "Okay." "(BIRDS TWITTERING)" "You know, I really do wish you'd tell me, just what good is a book without any pictures?" "It looks so dull." "I mean, it really does." "You'll understand soon enough, when you grow up." "Look, I'm already seven and a half." "I think that's quite grown up." "And I really do wish you'd stop talking to me as though I was a child." "But you are still a child, Alice." "You can't really think that you're a grownup." "Yes, I do." "Almost." "I mean, just how on Earth am I supposed to know when I'm grown up or not?" "Would you mind telling me that?" "There are a lot of ways to know that." "Well, then tell me." "At least a hint." "Well, for one thing, you have to be much taller to be grown up." "And you won't cry as much." "You are a bit of a crybaby." "I am not." "I don't cry much at all." "Hardly ever." "Well, when you've grown up, you'll cry much less than you do now." "And one of the best ways to know if you've grown up is when Mother asks you to join the rest of the grownups for tea." "(CAT MEOWING)" "Dinah, dear, you think I'm grown up, don't you?" "(PURRING)" "(PANTING)" "Oh, dear!" "Oh, dear!" "I shall be too late." "Mr. Rabbit!" "Mr. Rabbit!" "(THUNDER CLAPPING)" "Mr. Rabbit!" "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(CONTINUES SCREAMING)" "(WHIMPERING)" "(GRUNTING)" "(GASPING)" "Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting!" "(BELL DINGS)" "Mr. Rabbit!" "Mr. Rabbit!" "ALICE:" "Wait!" "Wait!" "(THUNDER CLAPPING)" "(WIND HOWLING)" "(CREAKING)" "That's strange." "I wonder how many there are." "How am I ever gonna get home?" "I can't imagine who could fit through there." "Unless it was for a mouse." "This must fit that little door." "(BIRDS CHIRPING)" "ALICE:" "Oh, how beautiful." "This must surely be the way home." "I can't get through." "(BREATHING HEAVILY)" "It's all very well to say, "Drink Me."" "I'll look first and see whether it's marked poison or not." "Mmm." "Oh." "Oh, I..." "I feel so strange." "Oh, my." "Oh." "What's happening to me?" "I'm shrinking!" "I'm so small." "So very small." "But now, at least, I'm the right size for going through the little door." "(SIGHS)" "Oh, how stupid!" "How really stupid!" "I've forgotten the key way up on top of that table." "Come on now, Alice, there's no use starting to cry." "Stop it this moment." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Now, what's this?" ""Eat me."" "That's certainly a strange thing to write on a cake." "But I will eat it." "Perhaps it'll make me grow bigger." "And If it makes me grow bigger, then I can reach the key." "But if it makes me grow a little smaller, then I can creep under the door." "Bigger or smaller?" "Which way?" "Oh, I think I'm staying the same size." "Oh." "Oh, something is happening." "Curiouser and curiouser." "Ooh." "Now I'm opening up like a telescope." "Ooh." "Goodbye, feet!" "I'm so big, now I'll never get through that little door." "(CRYING) I wanna go home." "I wanna go home." "I wanna go home." "RABBIT:" "Oh, the Duchess, the Duchess!" "Won't she be savage if I kept her waiting?" "If you please, sir." "Sir, Rabbit!" "(SCREAMING)" "(DOOR CLOSING)" "What's happening now?" "Ooh." "It's the fan that's making me shrink!" "Oh, that was a narrow escape." "(SCREAMS)" "(BIRDS CHIRPING)" "Oh, now I've fallen into the sea." "But this isn't the sea." "These are my tears when I was nine feet tall!" "Oh, I wish I hadn't cried so much." "I should be punished for it now, for being drowned in my own tears." "Won't that be a queer thing?" "However, everything's been queer today." "(SPLASHING) What is that?" "It must be a walrus or a hippopotamus!" "(DODO BIRD SQUAWKING)" "(DODO BIRD CONTINUES SQUAWKING)" "For goodness' sake, stop crying." "Stop crying!" "Don't cry anymore!" "Sir?" "Me?" "Do you know the way out of here?" "I'm a stranger here myself." "Mouse, do you know the way out?" "Mouse, don't you understand English?" "What?" "(PANTING)" "Are you French?" "(SPEAKING FRENCH)" "That means, "Where's my cat?" you know." "(SCREECHING)" "ALICE:" "Oh, I beg your pardon." "I quite forgot you don't like cats." "Our family has always hated cats." "Nasty, low, vulgar things." "Don't ever let me hear that name again!" "I won't." "I promise." "Are you afraid of dogs?" "There's a nice old terrier who kills all the rats." "(SCREECHING) ALICE:" "Oh!" "I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry!" "I won't mention those creatures again!" "All right." "Come on." "Let's go to shore and I'll tell you why I hate cats and dogs." "That's a very good idea." "Excellent, Sir Mouse." "(SQUAWKING)" "(ANIMALS CLAMORING)" "* I hate dogs and I hate cats *" "* I'm also not too fond of bats *" "* I'm a helpless little fellow *" "* Consequently rather yellow *" "* Now, you may think that dogs are sweet *" "* Since they love to snuggle at your feet *" "* But to me they're oh, so large *" "* That I tremble when they charge *" "* Now, certain words like "big" and "small" *" "* Mean what?" "* Would you please tell me?" "*" "* To me all cats are 10 feet tall *" "(SQUAWKING) * So I worry when they smell me *" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "* I run from owls I hide from hawks *" "* I scurry from whatever squawks *" "* I'm a coward" "* From my whiskers to my spats *" "* I hate dogs and cats!" "*" "(ANIMALS CLAMORING)" "* Now, certain words like "big" and "small" *" "* Mean what?" "* Would you please tell me?" "*" "* To me all cats are 10 feet tall *" "* So I worry when they smell me *" "* I run from owls I hide from hawks *" "* I scurry from whatever squawks *" "* I'm a coward" "* From my whiskers to my spats!" "*" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "* But I tell you straight" "* That I really hate" "* Owls, dogs, hawks, bats!" "* I hate dogs and cats!" "*" "(ANIMALS CLAMORING)" "ALICE:" "Hey, what are you running for?" "Wait a minute." "Just what is going on around here?" "Are you all crazy?" "Won't anybody answer me?" "Now, wait a minute!" "Hey!" "(ANIMALS CLAMORING)" "Now I know what it means to act like animals!" "Somebody should teach you all proper manners." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "RABBIT:" "The Duchess!" "The Duchess!" "Oh, my dear paws!" "Oh, my fur and whiskers." "She'll have me executed as sure as ferrets are ferrets." "And where on Earth did I drop my fan and gloves?" "I know, Mr. Rabbit." "I had them, but I seem to have lost them." "Mary Ann, what are you doing out here?" "You go home this moment and--and fetch me a pair of gloves and fan." "Quick now, Mary Ann!" "(SCOFFS)" "He mistook me for his housemaid." "How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am really." "But I'd better find his fan and gloves and bring them back to him if I can." "(INAUDIBLE)" "It seems so silly to be running errands for a rabbit." "I suppose Dinah will be giving me orders next." "Like, "Alice, come here directly and watch this mouse hole until I get back."" "There's the fan and gloves." "I know something interesting is sure to happen whenever I eat or drink anything." "So I'll just see what this bottle does." "(THUDDING)" "Now, that's quite enough." "I hope I won't grow any more." "As it is, I'm sure I won't be able to get through the door." "I wish I hadn't drunk so much." "Mary Ann!" "Mary Ann!" "Fetch me my gloves this moment!" "(EXCLAIMING)" "(GRUNTS)" "Pat!" "Pat!" "Where are you?" "Back here digging for apples, Your Honor." "Digging for apples, indeed!" "Come and get me out of here!" "Your Honor, what happened?" "Here." "(GROANING)" "RABBIT:" "Pat!" "Pat!" "Wha-What's that in the window?" "I-I-I-It's an arm, Your Honor." "An arm?" "You goose!" "Did you ever see an arm that size?" "It fills the whole window." "PAT:" "It sure does, Your Honor, but--but it's an arm anyway." "RABBIT:" "Yeah, well, at any rate, it has no business there." "You--You go and take it away." "Oh, I don't like this at all, Your Honor." "I--I don't like it at all." "Bill!" "Bill!" "Come out here and help!" "PAT:" "And bring the ladder!" "Quick, Bill!" "I got it." "PAT:" "Hurry up!" "I got it." "(GROANING)" "What are you doing?" "Come on, bring it here." "PAT:" "Here, tell him what to do." "Get up on the roof." "Oh, my goodness." "PAT:" "Hurry, Bill." "Do you think the roof will hold him?" "I hope so!" "(BILL GRUNTING) Bill!" "RABBIT:" "Oh, my goodness." "RABBIT:" "Bill!" "Bill, go down the chimney!" "PAT:" "That's a good idea, Your Honor." "Down the chimney, Billy!" "RABBIT:" "Down the chimney!" "Bill's got to go down the chimney, does he?" "I think I can take care of that." "(GRUNTS)" "PAT:" "Watch your step, Bill!" "PAT:" "Down the chimney, Bill." "Hurry up." "Hurry up." "That's for Bill." "(BILL SCREAMING)" "There goes Bill." "Goodbye, Bill!" "I wonder what they're gonna do next." "You'd better not do that again." "They're such little cakes." "If I eat one, they're sure to make some change in my size." "And since it can't possibly make me grow larger." "RABBIT:" "Mary Ann!" "Mary Ann!" "Come back here!" "RABBIT:" "Come back here, Mary Ann!" "You hear me?" "Come back here!" "Mary Ann!" "Stop running!" "Come back!" "(BOTH PANTING)" "(BIRDS CHIRPING)" "(CATERPILLAR COUGHING)" "Who are you?" "I hardly know, sir." "I knew who I was when I got up this morning, but I keep changing sizes." "And I'm afraid I'll never find my way home again." "Explain yourself." "I can't, sir." "Because I'm not myself, you see?" "No, I don't see." "Well, being so many sizes in one day is very confusing to a little girl." "(SNICKERING) No, it isn't." "Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet." "But when you have to turn into a chrysalis and then a butterfly, you'll feel a little bit queer then, won't you?" "Not a bit." "Well, it would feel very queer to me." "You?" "Who are you?" "Well, I think you ought to tell me who you are first." "Why?" "Well, I don't know exactly." "Besides, I think you're very rude." "Goodbye!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "I've got something very important to say to you." "What?" "Keep your temper." "Is that all you have to say to me?" "Well, no." "I was also curious about your earlier remark." "So you think you've changed, do you?" "I definitely have." "In fact, I think I've actually grown up quite a bit." "But I can't quite remember." "Why not?" "Well, there are a lot of things." "Oh, like when I tried to recite one of my favorite poems, it came out all wrong." "Well, try You Are Old, Father William, and see how that comes out." "Do you know that poem?" "Of course." "Let me see." "It starts..." ""You..." ""You..." Wait, let me help you." "(EXPLOSION)" "* "You are old, Father William," the young man said *" "* "And your hair has become very white *" "* "And yet you incessantly stand on your head *" "* "Do you think, at your age, it is right?" *" "* "In my youth," Father William replied to his son *" "* "I feared it might injure the brain *" "* "But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none *" "* "Why, I do it again and again" *" "* "You are old," said the youth *" "* "As I mentioned before, and have grown most uncommonly fat *" "* "Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door *" "* "Pray, what is the reason for that?" *" "* "You are old," said the youth *" "* "And your jaws are too weak for anything tougher than suet *" "* "Yet you finished the goose with the bones and the beak *" "* "Pray, how did you manage to do it?" *" "* "You are old," said the youth *" "* "One would hardly suppose that your eye was as steady as ever *" "* "Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose *" "* "What made you so awfully clever?" *" "* "You have asked me three questions Now, that is enough" *" "* Said his father, "Don't give yourself airs!" "*" "* "Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?" "*" "* "Be off, boy!" "* "Or I'll kick you downstairs *" "* "Or I'll kick you downstairs *" "* "Or I'll kick you downstairs *" "* "Or I'll kick you" "* "Or I'll kick you downstairs" *" "(EXPLOSION)" "(LAUGHING)" "That was excellent." "Now, what size do you want to be, little girl?" "Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir." "This is such a wretched height to be, you know." "Oh?" "It happens to be a very good height indeed, since it also happens to be exactly my height." "I'm terribly sorry." "I didn't mean it as an insult." "(EXPLOSION)" "Mr. Caterpillar, where are you?" "Why, he's disappeared." "He just absolutely disappeared." "Surely someone here can tell me the way to go home." "*(FISH FOOTMAN HUMMING)" "It's for the Duchess." "It's an invitation from the Queen to play croquet." "(SNORING)" "There's no use in ringing, because I'm on the same side of the gate as you are." "Then how am I supposed to get in?" "Well, I don't know about you, but as for me, I'm going to sit here until tomorrow or the next day, maybe." "Well, I'm not." "(DISHES BREAKING)" "(BABY CRYING)" "(SNEEZING)" "Oh, there's certainly too much pepper in that soup." "Not in my soup." "ALICE:" "Oh, no." "(SNEEZING)" "(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)" "Will you please be careful?" "If everybody minded their own business, this world would go around a lot faster than it does." "Which would not be an advantage, if you ask me." "I mean, you see, the Earth takes 24 hours to turn around its axis." "Speaking of axes, chop off her nose." "You are acting very hateful to that baby." "Am I?" "Well, my dear." "* There's something to say for hatred *" "* For rudeness and for spite *" "* Oh, no, my friend, we can't pretend *" "* That everything's sweetness and light *" "* There's something to say for trouble *" "* For nastiness and gloom *" "* Just try to be cheerful" "* And you'll get an earful of your impending doom *" "(SNEEZES)" "* This world is not a paradise *" "* If, indeed, ooh, ooh, it ever was *" "* It's a vale of tears and so, my dears *" "* Throw out the chaff?" "Don't make me laugh *" "* There's something to say for misery *" "* For suffering and pain *" "* Down at the bank, now, let's be frank *" "* They only care for gain" "BOTH:" "* There's something to say for frowning *" "* Why must we always smile?" "* Forget all your dreams, resort to schemes *" "* And in just a little while" "* The best-laid plans of mice and men *" "* Will all come crashing down again *" "* And we'll all despise each other *" "* In the grandest style *" "Is the baby all right?" "You wanna hold him for a while?" "Here." "I have to get ready." "I'm playing croquet with the Queen." "(GRUNTING)" "(COOK MUTTERING)" "If I don't take this baby away with me, they're sure to kill it." "(BABY CRYING)" "(GROWLING)" "(SQUEALING)" "Now, look, little baby, if you're going to turn into a pig, then I'll have nothing more to do with you." "(CONTINUES SQUEALING)" "Oh, well, if it had grown up, it would have made a dreadfully ugly child." "But maybe a rather handsome pig, I suppose." "(GASPING)" "Excuse me, Cheshire Cat." "Would you tell me please which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you wanna get to." "Home." "I need to get home." "I know my mother's already begun to miss me." "Oh, and my cat, Dinah, must be very hungry." "Home?" "Home, is it?" "Well, you listen closely, little girl." "* There's no way home * from this strange land" "* Don't even try to understand *" "* You're lost in time * without a trace" "* Resign yourself to your disgrace *" "* Somehow you've strayed * and lost your way" "* And now there'll be" "* No time to play" "* No time for joy" "* No time for friends" "* Not even time * to make amends" "* You are too naive * if you do believe" "* Life is innocent laughter and fun *" "* There are things to fear" "* So you see, my dear" "* Your adventures * have only begun" "* The world's immense * but sad to say" "* It makes no sense * in any way" "* So what care I * if you should cry?" "* There's no way * home *" "I think you're a mean, old cat." "There must be a way home and I'll find it!" "Where are you going?" "That way." "Maybe I'll meet someone kind enough to help me." "Oh." "Well, in that direction, there's a Hatter, and in that direction, there's a March Hare." "Visit either you like." "They're both mad." "But I don't wanna visit mad people." "Well, you can't help that." "We're all mad here." "I mean, I'm mad." "You're mad." "We're all mad." "Meow, baby." "(MEOWING)" "Well, a head without a cat is the most curious thing I've ever seen" "in my whole life." "Oh, goody, I'm just in time for a tea party." "May I introduce myself?" "No, you may not." "But aren't introductions proper at a tea party?" "My dear child, if you want an introduction, go and get yourself an orchestra." "They'll give you a good four-bar introduction." "(LAUGHING)" "Or probably an eight-bar introduction." "I just wanted to give you my name." "Why, have you finished with it?" "Did you hear that, Mr. Hare?" "She wants to give us her name." "That is ridiculous." "Awfully." "We already have names." "We certainly don't need hers." "Yes." "May I sit down?" "No room!" "No room!" "No room!" "No room!" "No room!" "There's plenty of room!" "There are at least nine empty chairs." "Of course there are." "We didn't say there aren't any chairs." "We said there wasn't any room." "Yeah, and there certainly isn't, you know." "We are here in the great outdoors." "Of course!" "And there are certainly no rooms here." "Right." "There are a few in the house." "Would you like some wine?" "I don't think I should drink wine." "I'm too young." "Good." "There isn't any anyway." "ALICE:" "Then it wasn't very nice of you to offer it." "And it wasn't very nice of you to sit down without being invited!" "I didn't know it was your table!" "It's set for more than three." "You know, your hair wants cutting." "You should learn not to make personal remarks." "It's very rude." "Ooh." "Ooh." "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" "I give up." "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" "I haven't the vaguest idea." "(LAUGHING) Then why did you ask the question?" "Because I was hoping for an intelligent answer!" "If I'd known the answer, I wouldn't have asked the question, would I?" "Oh, you're hopeless." "Incidentally, how did you become a March Hare?" "Well, actually, I started out being a January Hare, and then I worked my way up." "No, I didn't mean that." "Well, then you should say what you mean!" "Quite!" "I do." "At least, I mean what I say and that's the same thing." "It isn't the same thing at all." "I mean, you might just as well say "I see what I eat,"" "is the same as "I, I eat what I see."" "I give up." "Fresh cup." "Move down." "Whoop-de-doo." "ALICE:" "Who's the stuffed animal?" "I am not a stuffed animal." "Really?" "Not since dinner last night." "I am a dormouse." "What do you mean, "door mouse"?" "You look like a plain mouse to me." "And you look like a plain little girl to me." "And if you think that there's only one kind of a mouse, you have another "think" coming." "MAD HATTER:" "Quite!" "Do you wanna take it right now?" "Take what right now?" "Your other "think." You have one coming, you know." "No, I--I'm not a church mouse..." "No." "...because I'm too wealthy." "Of course!" "I'm not a field mouse, and I'm not a..." "Well, I'm... (SIGHING) By the way, what time is it?" "Time?" "Time?" "The time now is, let me see." "The time is precisely 7:27." "That can't possibly be right." "It seems to me it was 7:27 about two hours ago." "Young lady, are you contradicting me?" "I am known as a stickler for accuracy." "A stickler?" "You are?" "Yes, a stickler." "When people round here want accuracy, they call me in and I stickle." "(LAUGHING)" "That's what sticklers are supposed to do, isn't that right?" "ALICE:" "But are you sure your watch is running?" "Oh, of course it isn't running." "It's sitting here quite quietly in my hand." "Besides, it could hardly run, it has no moving parts." "(MARCH HARE LAUGHING) No moving parts?" "Correct." "But it's absolutely correct twice a day." "Enough of this folderol!" "Enough of this persiflage." "Enough of this badinage." "Enough of this tomfoolery." "Enough of this banter." "Enough of this saying "enough."" "Oh, every tea party should have a little music." "MAD HATTER:" "Of course." "Young lady, would you like to sing with us?" "That might be very nice." "But what shall we sing?" "Do you know Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?" "Yes, I do." "* Twinkle, twinkle, little star *" "* How I wonder what you are *" "No, no, no, no." "That won't do at all." "I prefer, "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder what you're at."" "How about," "* Twinkle, twinkle, little skunk *" "* How I wonder if you're drunk *" ""Twinkle, twinkle, little ants." ""You do look strange without your pants."" "(LAUGHS)" "I must admit, you three do make me laugh." "Now, that's a very good idea for a song." "* Laugh at every single thing we do *" "* Just laugh" "* And we shall all perform for you *" "* Just smile and tensions will unwind *" "* And you'll find that your mind *" "* Takes a kinder view" "* Laugh * yes, even when your skies are gray *" "* Just laugh" "* And troubles seem to float away *" "* You'll find it's very true, my dears *" "* Through the years that your tears *" "* And your fears will fly" "* Oh, there are times when crying *" "* Seems the thing to do" "* But keep on trying" "* Till your dreams come true *" "* Your heart" "* I'm sure knows what is best for you *" "* So laugh, little girl" "* Just laugh *" "Such a lovely song." "Thank you, I, I wrote it myself." "(SNORING)" "Now, how would you like to tell us a story?" "I'm afraid I don't know one." "Then the Dormouse shall." "The Dormouse will." "Wake up!" "Come on!" "Come on." "Come along." "Wake up!" "La, la, la, wake up!" "You've got to tell a story!" "Wake up!" "Tell a story." "Dormouse!" "You're going to tell a story for the little..." "Wake up." "Dormouse, we want to hear a story." "You're going to love it." "(LAUGHING) Come on." "Time to wake up now." "Come on." "Wake up." "Wake up." "Come on, now." "Tell us a story!" "Time to make a story." "Story." "Going to tell a story." "We need to tell a story." "Wake up." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "It doesn't matter if anyone tells us a story or not." "Well, that just shows you how much you know." "Hmm." "Yeah." "At teatime, everyone should tell a story." "Well, now that he is awake, a story would be nice." "Once upon a time, there were three little sisters named Elsie, Lacie and Tillie and they lived at the bottom of a well." "But what did they live on?" "They lived on treacle." "Molasses to you." "(LAUGHING)" "But why did they live at the bottom of a well?" "It was a treacle well." "There's no such thing." "Oh." "Oh!" "If you can't keep a civil tongue, why don't you finish the story yourself?" "No, please, go on." "Well, these three little sisters, they were learning how to draw, you know." "And what did they draw?" "Treacle!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "I want a fresh cup." "Move down the table!" "Here we go round the table!" "Here we go round the table!" "Here we go round the table!" "But I don't understand." "Where did they draw the treacle from?" "Well, if you can get water from a water well," "I suppose you can get treacle from a treacle well, eh, stupid?" "(ALL CHATTERING)" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Hello, little fawn." "Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you." "I'm so happy to find you." "You're the only normal person I've met here." "* Why do people act as if they're crazy?" "*" "* Why do they behave the way they do?" "*" "* Don't they understand * that the things I've planned *" "* Are dreams that I demand * * come true?" "* Why can't they be kind * to one another" "* And see the beauty of * the golden rule?" "* Will there come a spring * when we'll know how to sing * * that there are better things to do?" "*" "* Will there come a day * we'll all know how to say *" "* I love you?" "* I love * you *" "I wish I didn't have to go, but I really must, so you can find your mother and I can find mine." "ALICE:" "That's very curious." "However, everything's curious today." "ALICE:" "Excuse me, sirs." "But would you tell me, please, why you're painting those roses?" "Why, the fact is..." "You see, miss, this here ought to have been a red rose bush, and we put a white one in by mistake." "Yes, and if the Queen was to find out, she'd cut our heads off, you know." "The Queen!" "The Queen!" "FIVE OF SPADES:" "Here comes the Queen!" "*(PLAYING)" "(PEOPLE LAUGHING)" "(JESTERS EXCLAIMING)" "(PEOPLE LAUGHING)" "(PEOPLE LAUGHING)" "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "Who is this?" "Who is what?" "Oh!" "(LAUGHING) Her." "I don't know." "Idiot." "What is your name, child?" "My name is Alice, may it please Your Majesty." "We'll see about that." "And who are these creatures?" "How should I know?" "It's no business of mine." "Off with her head." "Oh, come now, now, dear, be calm..." "Did you hear me?" "Off with her head!" "Nonsense!" "Nonsense?" "(LAUGHS)" "Just for that, off with her head in small increments." "KING OF HEARTS:" "Oh, no, no." "Come now, dear." "She's only a child." "Did you think I was under the impression she was an alligator or a rutabaga?" "Of course she's a child, and a remarkably rude one." "And if there's one thing I cannot stand, it's insubordination and impertinence." "That's two things, Your Majesty." "What?" "Laughing at such effrontery!" "You stop it." "Stop it right now!" "Ow!" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "Oh!" "Oh, off with their heads, too!" "My dear, you must not excite yourself, really." "* When there are people who annoy you *" "* Or seem determined to destroy you *" "* There's just one thing that must be done *" "* Off with their heads!" "Oh, that's rather drastic, isn't it, dear?" "* When there are people who deceive you *" "* Or have the nerve to not believe you *" "* There's one response that's rather fun *" "* Off with their heads!" "(PEOPLE GASPING)" "KING OF HEARTS:" "What about the population?" "* Firm" "* You must be absolutely firm when required *" "I'm always firm, dear, always." "* Squirm" "* That's what they'll do when they perceive they've been fired *" "* Or worse" "* Never mind negotiation" "* You will find to rule your nation *" "* All you need to keep your slaves under their beds *" "* Is just to flounce about and shout *" "* Off with their heads!" "(CROWD GASPING)" "You make it all sound so simple." "It is simple, my dear." "They're all simple-minded." "Off with their heads." "* Firm" "Yes, of course, dear." "* You must be absolutely firm when required *" "I'm going to try to be firm about it." "Yes, darling." "* Squirm" "* That's what they'll do when they perceive they've been fired *" "Don't you..." "* Or worse" "* Never mind negotiation" "* You will find to rule your nation *" "* All you need to keep your slaves under their beds *" "* Is just to flounce about and shout *" "* Off with their heads!" "*" "I suppose you're right, as usual." "I am always right, my dear." "It is simply... (EXCLAIMS)" "Didn't I tell you this morning that heads would roll?" "Yes, indeed, you did, dear." "But, you know, it's an extraordinary thing." "Heads do not roll as they used to." "Nowadays, they just clump down on the ground and stay there." "QUEEN OF HEARTS:" "Ah!" "There's that impertinent child." "Alice, would you come here a minute, dear?" "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "Can you play croquet?" "Why, yes, Your Majesty." "Although, I shouldn't be able to if I had no head." "If you think such conditions are going to make me change my mind, you are quite mistaken." "Your head is as good as gone." "But since you still have it, we might as well put it to some sensible use." "Come along to the game." "Oh, yes." "It's a..." "It's a very fine day." "The Queen seems to be enjoying it." "She loves to chop off heads." "Oh, well, the Queen is very excitable." "She even ordered the execution of a very dear friend, the Duchess." "What for?" "Did you say, "What a pity?"" "No, I didn't." "I said, "What for?"" "Oh, it was a dreadful offense." "She boxed the Queen's ears." "(SHUSHING) Oh, don't." "Do be quiet." "The Queen will hear you." "See, what happened, you see, was that the Duchess came rather late and the Queen said to her..." "What is that?" "Who is doing all that gibbering and jabbering back there?" "Oh." "Oh, dear." "Meaning no disrespect, Your Majesty." "(STUTTERING) "Gibbering and jabbering," you say?" "Well, I--I--I was gibbering and the-- and the young lady was jabbering." "Well, stop it!" "And take your places, all of you, for a game of croquet." "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "(SQUAWKING)" "Well, tell me, Alice, my dear, are you a skillful croquet player?" "Well, I do beat my sister, at least sometimes." "Who's the best player here?" "I really don't know." "Her Majesty always manages to win." "And if anyone ever gets close, it's always the same thing." ""Off with their heads!"" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Excuse me, Your Majesty." "I don't see any mallets." "What are we gonna use for mallets?" "These flamingoes, of course." "Of course." "Of course!" "And what are we to use for croquet balls?" "KING OF HEARTS:" "Guinea pigs." "He's as keen as mustard." "What are we to use for wickets?" "We do have to hit the ball through something, don't we?" "Wickets, assume your positions." "Oh, you oaf, you move much too slowly." "Off with his head!" "It's going to be very difficult, dear, in that position." "They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here, wouldn't you say?" "The great wonder is there's anyone left here with a head at all." "You, impertinent child, wipe that smile off your face." "Is that smile quite gone?" "(GUINEA PIG SQUEAKING) KING OF HEARTS:" "It's left the young lady's face." "But it seems to have reappeared elsewhere." "It's the Cheshire Cat." "Oh, hello, Cheshire Cat." "Hello." "How do you like the Queen?" "Not at all." "I don't like the idea of losing my head." "Would you?" "I could hardly afford that." "I say, what is that thing?" "It's a friend of mine, a Cheshire Cat." "Allow me to introduce you." "I'd rather not, if you don't mind." "My dear, may I introduce another of your subjects?" "No, you may not." "Ugh." "Off with his head, whoever or whatever it is, and off with his tail, too." "There's more than one way to skin a cat, you know." "I'm afraid he hasn't got a tail." "You can't behead something that has no body." "Well, you can try." "And exactly who is the owner of this monster?" "I think it belongs to the Duchess, Your Majesty." "Perhaps you'd better ask her about it." "Oh, that shouldn't be difficult, dear." "You put her in prison." "Fetch the Duchess here and be quick about it!" "When I get home, I'll have such wonderful stories to tell about kings and queens, strange creatures in such strange lands." "Well, as I live and breathe, and I hope to keep it up, if it isn't the little one." "How are you, my dear?" "As well as can be expected." "And you?" "Ah, you're thinking." "That makes you forget to talk." "Well, I can't tell you just now the moral to that, but..." "Well, I'll remember in a bit." "Perhaps, it hasn't one." "Get out of here." "Tut-tut, my child." "Everything has a moral, if you find it." "Now, the moral to that is..." "* 'Tis love, 'tis love" "* 'Tis love that makes the world go round *" "Well, well, if it isn't Her Majesty." "Well, it is." "And that being the case, would you be good enough to grovel?" "Grovel?" "Yes." "Right here on the gravel." "Well..." "Do you think I'm ready for gravel-groveling?" "Now, I give you a choice." "Either you or your head must be off, and at once!" "Oh, well, I accept your generous offer, Your Majesty." "Yes, I do." "Ta-ta." "Get out of here." "Bad riddance to good rubbish." "(SNICKERING)" "With all due respect, Your Majesty," "I think you've got that backwards." "Oh, have I?" "Bad rubbish to good riddance." "No!" "It's "Good riddance to bad rubbish."" "What mockery." "And speaking of mockery, have you met the Mock Turtle yet?" "I don't think so, Your Majesty." "But then, I don't even know what a mock turtle is." "Why, it's the thing mock turtle soup is made from." "Oh, you must meet him." "Now, you just follow that path and you'll see him." "I must attend to some executions." "(GOAT BLEATING)" "Whatever it is, it must be trapped in there." "Oh, that poor little goat." "There, there, don't cry." "Bye, little goat." "You hurry back to your mother." "I'm sure she misses you." "I'm sure mine does, too." "(MONKEY CLAPPING)" "(CHATTERING)" "Well, thank you, I'm glad someone appreciates me." "Thank you, and you hurry back to your mother, too." "(SCREECHES)" "(RAZZING)" "Goodbye!" "(GASPS)" "Who are you?" "Are you a mock turtle?" "A mock turtle?" "Do I look like a mock turtle?" "Can't you tell a genuine gryphon when you see one?" "I'm so sorry, Mr. Gryphon." "Her Majesty told me that I'd meet the Mock Turtle here." "Oh, you mean that "Off with his head" queen?" "She's a flibbertigibbet." "Flibbertigibbet, flibbertigibbet." "A "flibbiti" what?" "GRYPHON:" "A silly ninny." "All the executions she orders, they never come about." "They're all her fancy." "Then why does she even order them?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "The eternal "why" of a child." "Ah, but enough of my gryphosophy." "I'll take you to the Mock Turtle." "Come on." "Everybody says "Come on."" "I never was so ordered around before in all my life." "Never!" "Come on!" "(MOCK TURTLE SOBBING)" "Come on." "Come on." "Come on." "Come on." "There's the Mock Turtle." "Right there." "Who are you?" "I'm Alice." "Guess what his sorrow is?" "Why, he must wanna go home." "I know why I'm so sad, Mr. Mock Turtle." "I wanna go home." "I just seem to be getting further and further away." "But why are you crying?" "It's all his morbid imagination." "He really has no sorrow." "Oh, shut up, Gryphon." "Yes, Mr. Gryphon, please." "So, what is the matter, Mr. Mock Turtle?" "Oh, my dear." "Once I was a real turtle." "We went to school in the sea." "My teacher was an old turtle." "We used to call him Tortoise." "But why did you call him Tortoise if he was really a turtle?" "We called him Tortoise because he taught us." "Really, you are very dull." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, asking such a silly question." "Please tell me more." "Well, we had the best of education." "Reeling and writhing, and then the different branches of arithmetic." "Ambition, distraction, uglification and derision." "Oh, shut up, Mock Turtle." "Enough about your lessons." "Why don't you sing the little girl a song?" "Well, if I'm going to sing anything," "I suppose a song is a good choice." "Oh, I don't know." "You could sing her a sea chantey." "That's a thought." "I used to live in a sea shanty." "Oh?" "But I didn't care for it much." "For the roof leaked, as I recall." "Now, really, Mr. Turtle." "Oh, you don't have to be so formal." "You can call me by my first name." "And what is that?" "Mock." "That's what my mother used to call me." ""Mock," she'd say..." "Well, whoever you are and whatever you are, absolutely nothing you say makes any sense at all." "Oh, that's the nicest compliment I've ever been paid." "There's too much sense in the world for me, in my humble opinion." "* Please tell me, young lady, just what is so good *" "* About never once being misunderstood *" "* There's far too much accurate communication *" "* And if it continues" "* I fear for the nation" "* Nonsense!" "Nonsense!" "That's what we're terribly short of *" "* Don't you love nonsense?" "I'm not really sure." "Well, sort of." "* We're getting lethargic from aiming at logic *" "* Let's put a stop to that" "* If you don't love nonsense I'll knock off your hat!" "*" "* Nonsense!" "Nonsense!" "Simply can't do without it *" "* Burn incense to nonsense and sing us a song about it *" "* Let young master Billy be hopelessly silly until he is blue in the face *" "* We must never be grave 'Tis nonsense will save *" "* The blooming human race" "* Nonsense!" "Nonsense!" "Simply can't do without it *" "* Burn incense to nonsense and sing us a song about it *" "* Let young master Billy be hopelessly silly until he is blue in the face *" "* We must never be grave" "* 'Tis nonsense will save" "* The blooming human race!" "*" "Now, tell us about your adventures." "I would tell you my adventures beginning from this morning, but it's no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then." "MAN:" "The trial's beginning!" "The trial's beginning!" "Come on, come on!" "What trial is it?" "Never mind." "Never mind." "Come on." "Bye, Alice." "Bye, Gryphon." "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "I wish they'd get the trial done and pass out the refreshments." "(QUACKING)" "What are they doing?" "They can't have anything to write down yet, before the trial's begun." "They're writing down the names for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial." "Silence in court!" "MAN:" "Silence in the court." "Herald, read the accusation." ""The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts All on a summer day" ""The Knave of Hearts, he stole some tarts And took them quite away!"" "KING OF HEARTS:" "Consider your verdict." "Oh, no, no, no, no, Your Majesty." "Not yet." "Not yet." "There's a lot more to come." "Really?" "Call the first witness!" "Call the first witness!" "MAN:" "Call the first witness!" "(PEOPLE CHEERING)" "Oh, I beg your pardon, Your Majesty," "I was just finishing my tea when they dragged me in here." "You should have finished your tea." "When did you begin?" "(STUTTERING)" "The 14th of March, I think it was." "15th." "16th!" "Don't be impertinent." "Give your evidence or I'll have you executed on the spot." "Oh, oh, my dear, did you hear that?" "Bravo!" "Oh, Your Honor, I'm a very poor man, and I had just begun my tea not more than a week or so ago, and what with the bread and butter getting thinner and the twinkling of the tea." "The twinkling of the what?" "It began with the tea." "Well, of course, twinkling begins with a "T."" "Everybody knows that." "Do you think I'm a dunce?" "Your Honor, I'm a poor man, and most things began to twinkle after that." "Only the March Hare said..." "I didn't." "You did." "I didn't." "You did!" "I didn't." "You did!" "* Why deny it?" "Be a good sport *" "* I'll explain it to all of the court *" "* I offered you tea and you drank a quart *" "* I didn't, I didn't" "* You did!" "* I didn't, I didn't!" "* You did!" "*" "He denies it." "Strike it out." "Your Majesty, I'm a poor man." "You're a very poor speaker, too." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "(SQUAWKING)" "If that's all you know about the case, you may stand down." "Stand down, Your Majesty?" "But I can hardly get any lower." "I'm on the floor as it is." "Well, then, simply go!" "Of course." "And just take his head off outside." "Where he goes, I go." "Call the next witness." "Call the next witness!" "MAN:" "Call the next witness!" "(MARCH HARE SNEEZING)" "(ALL SNEEZING)" "Give your evidence." "No, I won't." "Your Majesty, you must cross-examine the witness." "Must I?" "Of course you must." "Why must I?" "Because I say so." "Oh, of course." "That's different." "Yes, yes." "What are tarts made of?" "What?" "QUEEN OF HEARTS:" "Tarts." "What is a tart made of?" "Well, tart starts with a "T."" "Then you add an "A," then you add an "R," then you add..." "No!" "What are the ingredients?" "Well, pepper." "Lots of pepper!" "They most certainly are not!" "They are made of treacle!" "Pepper!" "Pepper!" "Pepper!" "Pepper!" "Pepper!" "Treacle!" "Treacle!" "Treacle!" "(GRUNTS)" "Treacle!" "Treacle!" "Pepper!" "You are an idiot, it's pepper!" "Treacle!" "Treacle!" "Off with his head!" "And after that, pinch off his whiskers." "And off with her head, too!" "Treacle." "Treacle." "Treacle." "Pepper." "Thank you for taking over the cross-examination, my dear." "It was giving me rather a headache." "Well, if these examinations are really supposed to be cross," "I am much better at that sort of thing than you are." "How true." "How true." "Have we a verdict?" "(BIRDS SQUAWKING)" "You haven't got any evidence yet." "Silence!" "(GROANING)" "What's the matter?" "What's the matter?" "You're growing, young lady." "But I didn't eat a piece of mushroom or drink anything." "There's no doubt about it." "You're growing up." "Can you..." "Can you hear me up there?" "RABBIT:" "Alice, you're the next witness." "I can hear you." "She's a monster." "The Queen should chop her down to size right now." "What do you know about this business?" "Nothing." "Nothing whatever?" "Nothing whatever." "Oh, that's very important." "How could it possibly be important?" "Unimportant, Your Majesty means, of course." "Unimportant, I meant, of course." "Rule 42." "All persons over a mile high are to leave the court." "I'm not a mile high." "Yes, you are." "I most certainly am not!" "Nearly two miles high." "I don't mean to be rude, Your Highness, but you really don't know what you're talking about." "Besides, it's not a regular rule." "You invented it just now." "KING OF HEARTS:" "Young lady, that is the oldest rule in the book." "(WHISPERING) ALICE:" "Then it ought to be number one." "Give me a verdict." "Give me a verdict!" "RABBIT:" "But there's more evidence to come yet." "Please, Your Majesty." "A very important envelope has just been found." "Why don't you just let the poor prisoner go?" "You can see he's a nice man." "What's in the envelope?" "Your Majesty, a set of verses." "Your Majesty, please." "I didn't write them." "The Knave didn't sign them." "In fact, nobody signed them." "That proves his guilt." "Off with his head." "Off with his head." "It doesn't prove anything!" "And you really ought to stop yelling "Off with everybody's head."" "It's a terrible habit you have." "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "Silence!" "Silence!" "Just set the prisoner free and let him go home." "His family probably misses him very much." "And one of the worst feelings in the whole world is to be homesick." "I ought to know." "Give me a verdict." "Give me a verdict!" "How can they give a verdict when there isn't a bit of meaning in this whole trial?" "Oh, well, if there's no meaning, that saves us a world of trouble." "We don't have to try and find any." "Sentence first, verdict after." "ALICE:" "Are you crazy?" "You can't have the sentence first." "Hold your tongue." "I will not hold my tongue!" "Hold yours!" "Ooh!" "Off with her head!" "Off with her head!" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "Get her." "Grab her." "Grab her." "Off with her head!" "Off with her head!" "Off with her head!" "Off with her head!" "I'm not afraid of you." "You're nothing but a pack of cards!" "Ouch!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "You wicked little thing!" "After her!" "QUEEN OF HEARTS:" "Faster!" "Faster!" "Get her!" "Catch her!" "Get her!" "(ALL YELLING)" "(BIRDS CHIRPING)" "Mother, Father, I'm back!" "Mother?" "Father?" "Anybody?" "(CAT MEOWING)" "Dinah, I'm home!" "I'm home!" "What are you doing on that side of the mirror?" "Mother!" "Father!" "I'm here!" "Look!" "I'm here!" "I'm here!" "On the other side of the mirror!" "Mother!" "Father!" "Help me, I'm here!" "Mother!" "Father!" "I'm here!" "On the other side of the mirror." ""Jabberwocky."" ""Twas brillig, and the slithy toves" ""Did gyre and gimble in the wabe" ""All mimsy were the borogoves" ""And the mome raths outgrabe" ""Beware the Jabberwock, my son!" "The jaws that bite" ""the claws that catch!" ""Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!"" "I can just tell this is supposed to be a scary poem." "It's a good thing I'm grown up or I probably would be a little frightened." "(THUNDER CLAPPING)" "Thunder doesn't frighten me." "And I'm not the least bit afraid." "(SCREAMING)" "(GROWLING)" "(GROANING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(GROWLING)" "(SOBBING) Please don't hurt me." "Please!" "(SIGHS)" "(GROANING)" "I'm terribly sorry." "I really didn't mean to knock you all over." "(ALL GROANING)" "Hello?" "Hello?" "WHITE KING:" "Are you all right, my dear?" "WHITE QUEEN:" "I think so." "WHITE QUEEN:" "Oh, look at me." "My dress is a mess." "Hello?" "And I just had it made." "I really don't think they can hear me." "WHITE KING:" "Don't fret, my dear, I'll see to a new one at once." "Hello?" "And they can't see me either." "(BABY CRYING)" "WHITE QUEEN:" "My baby!" "My precious lily!" "My imperial child!" "Imperial fiddlesticks." "I think my nose is out of whack." "So is my sacroiliac." "WHITE QUEEN:" "Baby!" "(SCREAMING)" "Oh, my baby." "My baby." "Yeah, my baby." "Oh." "Mind the tornado." "What tornado?" "The one that practically blew me up." "Be careful." "There's really a very strong wind." "It's gonna take you hours to get on that table if I don't help you." "(CHUCKLING) Please don't make such faces." "You're making me laugh so hard, I can hardly hold you." "(CHUCKLING)" "(GROANS)" "Well, I warned you about the tornado." "I've turned cold to the very end of my whiskers." "You don't have any whiskers." "The horror of what just happened to me I shall never, never forget." "Oh, my baby." "Hello again." "Hello?" "If they can't see me or hear me, then they certainly won't be able to tell me anything about that terrible monster." "OWL:" "I can tell you about your monster." "You can?" "I'd be ever so grateful." "And you can see me and hear me?" "Of course." "(CROW CAWING)" "What happened to that monster?" "Not that I'd want to meet him again." "Nothing happened to him." "That monster was a thing you created in your own mind." "My mind most certainly did not create anything like that." "I was simply reading a silly book." "I..." "Your fears gave birth to it." "And until you overcome those fears, little girl..." "My name is Alice, Mr. Owl." "As long as you have those fears inside you, Alice, the Jabberwocky may come for you at any time." "Well, I suppose there are some fears inside me." "But, please, I really must know how to get back through the mirror." "Well, don't worry." "Why shouldn't I worry?" "Well, there's always another way back." "And there's no point in going home until you're not so afraid of not growing up." "Now, wait a minute." "I've done a great deal of growing up, and growing down." "When you overcome the great fear in you, then and only then, will you be able to stop the frightening appearances of the Jabberwocky and return to your family." "But how?" "Only you know the answer to that." "I don't know." "If I knew, I would tell myself." "And you don't care, or you'd tell me!" "You really would." "Oh, but I do care." "And you will see that all the creatures in Looking Glass Land care." "Why should they?" "Because when the fear in you creates the Jabberwocky, it is dangerous for all of us around here." "It is really to our best interest if you, uh, cure these terrible afflictions by yourself." "And the best way to do it is to stay here and listen to me for a few years." "Years?" "I can't even stay here for another moment." "My poor mother must be in a terrible state." "Goodbye." "If you don't stay, you may never get home at all." "Well, I suppose I could stay and listen to you for a while." "In that case, I'll be on my way." "But you wanted me to stay." "Ah!" "But now you're in Looking Glass Land, and everything here is backward." "The reverse of everything you expected." "But we were just beginning to talk." "Just beginning to..." "Yes." "Yes, my dear." "But here, beginnings are endings." "(SIGHS)" "Such a lovely garden." "Maybe this is the way home." "I hope." "If only flowers could talk." "We can talk." "If there's anybody worth talking to." "Excuse me, can all the flowers talk?" "As well as you can, and a great deal louder!" "It's just not good manners for us to speak first." "But since you did before we did," "I can tell you, when I first saw you," "I thought, "This little girl has a face with some sense in it."" "Though not very much." "It looks like a very clever face to me." "If only her petals curled up a little more, she might be all right." "Aren't you frightened at being planted out here without anybody to take care of you?" "There's the tree close by." "But what can it do if any danger came?" "It could bark." "It says, "Bow-wow." That's why its branches are called boughs." "You'd have to be pretty dense not to understand that." "(LAUGHING)" "If you don't speak to me more politely, I'll..." "I'll pick you." "(GASPS)" "Good for you." "There's only one flower worse than the tiger lily." "The daisy." "When one speaks, they all speak." "It's enough to make you faint, the way they go on and on and on." "How is it you all talk?" "I've been in many gardens before, but none of the flowers could talk." "Put your hand down and feel the ground." "Then you'll know why." "Hmm." "It's very hard, but I don't see what that has to do with it." "In most gardens, they make the beds too soft, so the flowers are always asleep." "(SNORING)" "(GIGGLES)" "I never thought of that before." "In my opinion, you never think at all." "I never saw anybody who looked more stupid..." "ROSE:" "Hold your tongue." "As if you ever saw anybody." "You hide your head under your leaves and snore away till you know no more of what's going on in the world than a bud." "Are there any more people in the garden besides me?" "ROSE:" "Oh, a few." "And here comes one of the stranger ones now." "Oh, my!" "The Red Queen's grown a good deal." "It's the fresh air that does it." "Excuse me." "I really must go and talk to her." "Goodbye." "(SNORING)" "Where did you come from?" "I..." "I..." "Look up, speak nicely, and stop twiddling your fingers all the time." "I'm lost." "I lost my way." "What do you mean, your way?" "All the ways around here belong to me." "And curtsey while you're thinking of what to say." "It saves time." "I..." "I only wanted to see what the garden was like, Your Majesty." "I thought I'd try to find my way to the top of this hill." "ALICE:" "Oh!" "The land." "It's all marked out like a large chessboard." "RED QUEEN:" "Well, of course it is." "ALICE:" "This is all one big game of chess?" "One big game that's being played all over the world?" "I can't believe it." "There must be pieces moving everywhere." "I wish I was one of them." "Oh, you're going to be." "How wonderful!" "I wouldn't even mind being a pawn." "Though I'd rather be a queen." "But you're going to be a pawn." "One of the White Queen's little brats is too young to play, so you'll have to take her place." "You will be a pawn, which will start you in the second square at the board, naturally." "I can't play." "I really must be going home." "When you're a queen, you may go home." "But you said I was only going to be a pawn." "That's quite correct." "But when you reach the eighth square of the chessboard, then, then you'll be a queen, and then you may go home." "Hurry." "We'll miss everything." "Hurry where?" "RED QUEEN:" "I'll show you!" "RED QUEEN:" "Faster!" "Faster!" "ALICE:" "I don't understand!" "Don't try to talk!" "Faster!" "Faster!" "(WHOOPING)" "(LAUGHING)" "Are we nearly there?" "No!" "Faster!" "Faster!" "(LAUGHING)" "(SIGHING)" "You may rest a little now." "(PANTING) But we haven't gotten anywhere." "If you wanted to get anywhere, you'd have to run twice as fast as you did." "Now what are you doing?" "I'm taking measurements." "At the end of three yards, I shall have some more rules for you." "And at the end of five yards, I shall go." "But can't you stay and talk a while?" "Well, that does it." "I really must be going now." "If you do make it to the eighth square, then we shall all be queens together, and it will all be feasting and fun." "How will I get home?" "Tell me." "What happened to her?" "Oh, my." "I will find my way home." "I just know I will." "I want to get to the eighth square as quickly as possible." "Which way do I go?" "What do I do?" "(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)" "(CHUCKLING) Well, well, what have we here?" "(BLEATING)" "Ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket." "Ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket." "Tickets, please." "Here you are." "Mmm-hmm." "Mmm-hmm." "There." "Hmm." "Show your ticket." "Well, don't keep him waiting, child." "His time is worth $1,000 a minute." "I'm afraid I haven't got one." "There wasn't a ticket office where I came from." "No excuses, please." "You should've bought one from the engine driver." "(BLEATING) Ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket." "Ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket..." "He means the man who drives the engine also sells the tickets." "You should've known that." "(BELL CLANGING)" "There's obviously no use in even speaking to you people." "Or whatever you are." "You'd better say nothing at all then." "Around here, language is worth $1,000 a word." "I'll dream about $1,000 tonight." "I just know it." "(BLEATING)" "Where are you going, child?" "To square four." "Well, at least she's old enough to know where she's going, even if she doesn't know her own name." "I know my name." "She should've known her way to the ticket office even if she doesn't know the alphabet." "(BLEATING) I know the alphabet." "I really do." "She'll have to go back from here as luggage." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "No, I won't." "I don't belong on this railway journey at all." "I was in the forest just now, and I wish I could get back there." "Well, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."" "That's an old expression." "Here's another old expression." "(EXCLAIMING)" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "If you're so anxious to make a joke, why don't you make one?" "I..." "Well, it's the most unheard of thing I've ever heard of." "(SNORTING)" "What a bunch of grouchy people you all are." "(BLEATING) We should send her on by mail." "She's got quite a stamp on her." "No, no, no." "We should send her as a message by telegraph." "(LAUGHING)" "Whoa!" "Hold on." "I think this train's out of control." "Oh, who cares?" "As long as it'll take me into the fourth square." "Uh, I really think I should pull an emergency cord." "There isn't an emergency cord." "There's not even a non-emergency cord." "No." "There's got to be!" "All trains have one." "You pull it and the train stops." "Well, there isn't, you little crybaby." "There's got to be one." "There isn't." "The only thing you can pull around here is your own weight." "That's what you think." "(SCREECHING)" "(HORSE NEIGHING)" "(GOAT BLEATING)" "Well..." "I must say... (ALL PANTING)" "Who stopped the train?" "HORSE:" "She's the culprit." "GENTLEMAN IN PAPER SUIT:" "Tattletale." "Well, how did she do it?" "She yanked on his chinny chin-chin." "Almost pulled my whiskers off, she did." "Little girl, didn't you know it's against the law to stop the train?" "Unless, of course, it's an emergency." "It was." "The train was running away." "Oh!" "And who was it running away from?" "That's a silly question." "And you're a silly girl." "And you're a silly-billy goat." "(LAUGHING)" "She got your goat that time." ""Got your goat," that's very good." "I'm going to write that down on paper." "Next time, stay off my train." "I will!" "She almost ruined my lunch." "(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)" "GNAT: (SHOUTING) Hello." "Hello." "Hello." "Hello." "Hello." "What do you want?" "You look like a very nice person." "A very, very nice person who wouldn't hurt me even if I am an insect." "I can see that." "But exactly what kind of insect are you?" "I'm a gnat." "But what kind of insects do they like where you come from?" "Well, I don't usually like insects where I come from." "But could you please tell me if this is the fourth square?" "You see, I'm on my way to the eighth square where I'll be a queen." "Why would you want to be a queen?" "I guess then I'll be grown up enough to go home." "And my mother will be so glad to see me." "She'll see how grown-up I am." "Invite me to sit at tea." "Is this forest the fourth square?" "Yes, but I wouldn't go in there if I were you." "Well, as long as there aren't any monsters," "I'm sure I'll be quite fine." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must be going." "Don't say I didn't warn you." "No, I really would never say that." "Bye." ""To Tweedledum's house."" ""To the home of Tweedledee."" "I suppose those two live in the same house." "Hmm." "Maybe they can tell me how to get to the eighth square." "If you think we're waxworks, you really ought to pay, you know." "Waxworks weren't made to be looked at for nothing." "I didn't know you were alive." "Contrariwise, if you think we're alive, then you should speak." "Oh, yes." "I'm very sorry." "Hmm." "I know what you're thinking about." "Well, it isn't so." "No how." "Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be, but as it isn't, it ain't." "That's logic." "That's logic." "Well, I was thinking which way was the best way out of the wood." "Well, you've begun wrong." "The first thing you do in a visit is you say," ""How do you do?" and you shake hands." "BOTH:" "* How do you do?" "Shake hands" "* Welcome to you Shake hands *" "* It's really quite important to be proper *" "* And don't you dare to be dumb *" "* Or you may come a cropper" "* The weather is fine Shake hands *" "* The pleasure is mine Shake hands *" "* And though the meeting may be fleeting *" "* It's so lovely, don't you see *" "* If you'll shake hands with me *" "* The weather is fine Shake hands *" "* The pleasure is mine Shake hands *" "* And though the meeting may be fleeting *" "* It's so lovely, don't you see *" "* If you shake hands" "* Don't be a fool Shake hands *" "* If you'll shake hands" "* With me!" "*" "(GASPS)" "I hope you're not too tired." "TWEEDLEDUM:" "Oh, no how." "But thank you very much for asking." "So much obliged." "You like poetry?" "Well, some poetry." "But would you tell me which road leads out of the wood?" "But I know so much poetry." "You really must stay long enough and let me entertain you." "What marvelous poem shall I recite to her?" "Why, The Walrus and the Carpenter." "It's the longest." "If it's very long, would you please tell me first which road?" "I mean, you're both so very exhausted." "Nonsense!" "Nonsense!" "*(TWEEDLEDEE AND TWEEDLEDUM WHISTLING)" "BOTH: * The sun was shining on the sea Shining with all his might *" "* He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright *" "TWEEDLEDUM: * And this was odd, because it was the middle of the night *" "BOTH:" "* The moon was shining sulkily because she thought the sun *" "* Had got no business to be there after the day was done *" "* "It's very rude of him," she said, "to come and spoil the fun!" *" "TWEEDLEDUM:" "* The sea was wet as wet could be *" "* The sands were dry as dry" "* You could not see a cloud because no cloud was in the sky *" "* No birds were flying overhead *" "* There were no birds to fly *" "*(SINGING OPERA)" "*(SINGING IN HIGH-PITCH)" "WALRUS:" "Oi!" "(LAUGHING)" "(GRUNTS)" "* The Walrus and the Carpenter were walking close at hand *" "* They wept like anything to see such quantities of sand *" "* If this were only cleared away, my friend, it would be grand!" "*" "* If seven maids with seven mops swept it for half a year *" "* Do you suppose in that much time that they could get it clear?" "*" "* I doubt it really could be done At least by me, my dear *" "Oh, oh!" "You see that?" "* O, Oysters, come and walk with us *" "* We truly do beseech" "* A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk *" "* Along the briny beach" "* We cannot do with more than four to give a hand to each *" "* The time has come, I'm quite convinced *" "* To talk of many things" "* Of shoes and ships and sealing wax *" "* Of cabbages and kings" "* And why the sea is boiling hot *" "* And whether pigs have wings *" "OYSTERS: * But wait a bit, if you don't mind *" "* Before we have our chat" "* For some of us are out of breath *" "* And all of us are fat!" "* We do not wish to hurry you *" "OYSTERS:" "* We thank you much for that" "* A loaf of bread and butter, too *" "* Is what we chiefly need" "* And vinegar and salt besides *" "* Are very good indeed" "* Now if you're ready, Oysters, dear *" "* We can begin to feed" "OYSTERS: * But not on us, if it's all the same *" "* And strictly entre nous" "* For after such a kindess" "* What a dismal thing to do!" "*" "* Shall we have some wine?" "* The night is fine" "* Do you admire the view?" "* It was so kind of you to come!" "*" "* And you are so very nice!" "* Talk is cheap by the briny deep *" "* Cut us another slice" "* I wish you were not quite so deaf I've had to ask you twice *" "* It seems a rather dreadful shame to play them such a trick *" "* After we've brought them out so far and made them trot so quick *" "* Say what you will, but as for me *" "* The butter's spread too thick!" "*" "Look, they're getting away." "Turn around, and get after them." "* I weep for you, my little friends I deeply sympathize *" "* I sob a sob and I weep some tears *" "* All those of a larger size *" "* Oh, hold your pocket handkerchief before your blooming eyes *" "* "O, Oysters," said the Carpenter *" "* "You've had a pleasant run!" "*" "* "Shall we be trotting home again?" *" "* But the answer came there none *" "* And this was scarcely odd, because *" "(BOTH BURPING)" "* They'd eaten every one *" "They ate them all?" "What monsters." "(WIND HOWLING)" "Oh, it's somebody's shawl." "WHITE QUEEN:" "Bread and butter." "Bread and butter." "Bread and butter." "Bread and butter." "My shawl." "Where's my bread and butter, baby?" "Oh, thank you." "I've been looking for that." "Then I'm really glad I happened to be in the way." "Bread and butter." "Bread and butter." "Bread and..." "My hat." "Am I addressing the White Queen?" "Well, yes, if you can call that a dressing." "It's not my notion of the thing at all." "If Your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin," "I'll do it as well as I can." "May I help put your shawl on straight for you?" "Please." "It's out of temper, I think." "It's in a snit." "It's peevish." "It's having a fit." "I've pinned it here and I've pinned it there." "There's no pleasing it." "Well, you look better now." "But really, you should have a lady's maid." "I'll take you with pleasure." "Tuppence a week, and jam every other day." "I don't want you to hire me and I don't care for jam." "Well, it's very good jam." "Well, I don't want any today at any rate." "Well, you couldn't have it if you did want it." "The rule is "Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday," ""but never jam today."" "It must come sometimes to "jam today."" "No, it can't." "It's jam every other day." "Today isn't any other day, you know." "* Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday But never, ever jam today *" "* I said, jam tomorrow, jam yesterday *" "* But never, ever jam today" "* You can wish as you want You can want as you wish *" "* Still you'd better hear me say *" "* Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday But never, ever jam today *" "* I'm ashamed of marmalade!" "* Not jelly, not honey, for love, nor money *" "* Never, ever jam today" "* Oh, you can wish as you want You can want as you wish *" "* Still you'd better hear me say *" "* Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday *" "* But never, ever jam today!" "*" "(GIGGLING)" "It's dreadfully confusing." "Well, that's the effect of living backward." "It makes everyone a little giddy at first." "But there's one great advantage." "The memory works both ways." "Well, I'm sure mine only works one way." "I can't remember things before they happen." "Well, it's a poor sort of memory only works backwards." "What sort of things do you remember best?" "Things that happened the week after next." "(SHOUTS)" "My finger's bleeding!" "(SHOUTS)" "How'd that happen?" "Have you stuck your finger?" "Well, I haven't stuck it yet, but I soon shall." "(SCREAMING)" "When do you expect to do it?" "When I fasten my shawl again." "The brooch will come undone directly." "Be careful!" "You're holding it all crooked!" "See?" "That accounts for the bleeding." "Now you understand the way things happen here." "How old are you?" "Seven and a half exactly." "I'm just 101." "I can't believe that." "You can't?" "I hope your finger's better now." "Better." "Much better." "Better." "(SHEEP BLEATING)" "(WOLF HOWLING)" "What a thick, black cloud that is." "I believe it's got wings." "I hope it's not..." "(SQUAWKING)" "It's only a giant bird." "I thought the Jabberwocky was coming back again." "(SIGHS)" "It can't reach me here." "It's too large to get through the trees." "I wish it wouldn't flap its wings so." "It's like a hurricane." "It's Humpty Dumpty." "It can't be anyone else." "And he looks exactly like a giant egg." "Young lady, it's not very nice to tell someone he looks like an egg." "But some eggs are very beautiful, you know." "Some people have no more sense than a baby." "My name is Alice, sir." "That's a stupid name." "I may be stupid, sir, but don't you think you'd be a lot safer down here on the ground?" "The wall is very narrow." "Of course I don't think so." "Why, even if I did fall off, the King has promised..." "To send all of his horses and all of his men to put Humpty Dumpty back together again." "You've been snooping at doors, or you couldn't have known that!" "Oh, no." "It's in a book of very famous nursery rhymes." "What a beautiful belt you've got." "Really?" "When a person doesn't know a cravat from a belt!" "(LAUGHS)" "It's a cravat, child, and a very beautiful one, I might add." "It's a present from the White King and Queen." "Really?" "Yes, really." "They gave it to me for an unbirthday present just this past week." "An unbirthday present?" "What's an unbirthday present?" "It's a present given when it isn't your birthday, of course!" "I like birthday presents best." "You don't know what you're talking about!" "How many days are there in a year?" "365." "And how many birthdays do you have?" "One." "And if you take one from 365, that means you can get 364 unbirthday presents." "You see, dum-dum?" "Certainly." "And only one for birthday presents, you know." "Now there's glory for you." "I don't know what you mean by "glory."" "Of course you don't." "Till I tell you." "I mean, there's a nice knockdown argument for you." "But "glory" doesn't mean a "nice knockdown argument."" "When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean!" "Neither more nor less." "The question is whether you can make words mean so many different things." "The question is which is to be master." "That's all!" "Words, they've a temper." "Hmm." "Some words, particularly verbs, they're the proudest." "Adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs." "However, I can manage the whole lot of them!" "(LAUGHING)" "Impenetrability." "That's what I say." "Would you please tell me what that word means?" "Now you talk like a reasonable child." "I meant by "impenetrability" that we've had enough of that subject." "And it would be just as well if you'd mention what you mean to do next, because I suppose you don't mean to stop here all the rest of your life." "That's a great deal to make one word mean." "When I make a word do a lot of work like that," "I always pay it extra." "Mr. Dumpty, if you're going to skip and dance, don't you really think it'd be a bit safer down here on the ground?" "Actually, no!" "If I thought that, I'd do that!" "You are a rather fearful little child, aren't you?" "Mr. Dumpty, you don't understand." "I suppose I do have a lot of fears inside me." "And Mr. Owl, at least I think that was his name... (THUNDER CLAPPING)" "Mr. Dumpty, my fears are bringing back the Jabberwocky!" "The Jabberwocky?" "(SCREAMING)" "(GROWLING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(GROWLING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(SCREAMING)" "Hello, little girl." "Did you happen to see my two messengers as you came through the wood?" "No, Your Majesty." "Well, would you mind looking along this road here and tell me if you can see either of them?" "I see nobody on the road." "Oh." "I only wish I had such eyes to be able to see nobody." "It's as much as I can do to see real people by this light." "I see somebody now!" "But he's coming very slowly." "His name is Haigha." "He's an Anglo-Saxon messenger." "Listen." "I love my love with an "H" because he is happy." "I hate him with an "H" because he is hideous." "I fed him with... with..." "With ham sandwiches and hay." "His name is Haigha and he lives..." "He lives on the hill." "My other messenger's called Hatter." "I must have two, you know, to come and go." "One to come and one to go." "Oh, yes." "I beg your pardon?" "It isn't respectable to beg." "(SCREAMING) Your Majesty." "You frightened me!" "I feel faint." "Give me a ham sandwich." "Nothing but hay left now." "Well, hay then." "Okay." "There's nothing like eating hay when you feel faint." "I think throwing cold water over you would be better." "I didn't say there was nothing better," "I said there was nothing like it." "(SNEEZING)" "Who did you pass on the road?" "I'll whisper it." "(SHOUTING) They're at it again!" "Do you call that a whisper?" "Who's at it again?" "Why, the Lion and the Unicorn, of course." "Let's run and see them." "Oh, no, please." "I really must be getting on my way." "BOTH: * The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown *" "* The Lion beat the Unicorn all around the town *" "But you don't understand, I really must be going home." "* La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la *" "(HITE KING AND MESSENGER SCATTING)" "ALL: * The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown *" "* The Lion beat the Unicorn all around the town *" "Play!" "* Some gave them white bread and some gave them brown *" "* And some gave them plum cake and drummed them out of town *" "* And drummed them out of town And drummed them out of town *" "* And drummed them out of" "* Town" "(ALL SCATTING)" "* The Lion and the Unicorn" "* The Lion and the Unicorn" "* The Lion and the Unicorn" "* The Lion and the Unicorn" "* Were fighting for the" "* Crown!" "*" "Does the one that wins always get the crown?" "(SCOFFING) Dear me, no, what an idea." "(EXCLAIMS)" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "(GROWLING)" "(GROANING IN PAIN)" "Oh, my!" "All right, all right!" "Ten minutes allowed for refreshments!" "(LAUGHING) I don't think they're gonna fight anymore today." "I should hope not." "Go order the drums to begin." "You know, boom-boom, boom." "I had the best of it this time!" "You shouldn't have run him through with your horn." "UNICORN:" "It didn't hurt him." "What is this?" "WHITE KING:" "A child." "We only found it today." "It's as large as life and twice as natural." "A child?" "But I--I--I always thought that children were fabulous monsters." "Is..." "Is it alive?" "Oh, yes." "It can even talk." "This is incredible." "Talk, child." "(ALL GASPING) Well, do you know I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too?" "(SNICKERING)" "Though I never saw one alive before." "Well, now that we have seen one another, if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you." "Is it a bargain?" "Yes, if you like." "That'd be rather pleasant." "(NEIGHING)" "(RASPING)" "Are you animal, vegetable," "or mineral?" "You dum-dum!" "I already told you she's a fabulous monster!" "Then hand round the cake, monster." "ALICE:" "Yes, sir." "Right away, sir." "May I please have the cake?" "Be careful." "If you drop it, the lion will eat you." "I wouldn't do that." "Yet!" "Please don't say that." "You're making me nervous." "You'd better hurry." "He's very short-tempered." "Don't do what he says, monster." "Don't listen to him." "Cut the cake!" "And I say "Don't!" And I say "Do!"" "What a fight we might have for the crown now, sir!" "Oh, and I will surely win." "Oh, I don't think so." "Why, I'll beat you all around the town, you cluck chicken!" "All around the town, eh?" "Ha!" "Well, that's a good long way." "Will you go by the old bridge or by the marketplace?" "The best view is by the old bridge." "(CHORTLING)" "Cut the cake." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "The monster's having an awful time trying to cut that cake." "I've cut it twice, but it just seems to go back together again." "You don't know how to serve Looking Glass cake?" "Hand it round first, then cut it afterwards!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "(SHOUTING)" "Now cut the cake!" "This isn't fair." "The monster has given the lion twice as much as me." "LION:" "Well, she's kept none for herself, anyhow." "Do you like plum cake, monster?" "Well... *(DRUMS BEATING)" "What is that sound?" "Oh!" "What is that sound?" "What is it?" "I don't understand!" "What is it?" "If that noise doesn't drum everybody out of town, nothing ever will." "(HOOVES CLOMPING)" "MAN:" "Ahoy!" "Ahoy!" "(MARSHALLING)" "Wow." "(NEIGHING)" "Check." "You're my prisoner." "MAN 2:" "Ahoy!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "(MAN 2 MARSHALLING)" "Check." "She's my prisoner, you know." "Yes, but then I came and rescued her." "Well, then we must fight for her." "You will observe the rules of battle, of course." "I always do." "(BOTH SHOUTING)" "There are so many fights in Looking Glass Land." "(HORSES NEIGHING)" "Check." "Check." "It was a glorious victory, wasn't it?" "(LAUGHING)" "I don't know." "I don't wanna be anybody's prisoner." "I just know I must become a queen if I'm ever to get home again." "And you will." "When you have crossed the next brook, you will definitely be a queen." "I will see you safe to the end of the wood." "Then I must go back, you know." "Yes, that is the end of my move." "Thank you very much." "Come." "I'll get you on your way." "All right." "You can go ahead, lead me." "All right." "Come on." "Come on." "All right, to the end of the wood." "I hope you've got your hair well fastened on." "Only in the usual way." "Oh, that's not good enough." "No, you see, the wind is so very strong here." "It's as strong as, uh, uh, soup." "But I have a plan for keeping your hair from falling off." "Well, I should like to hear it very much." "Well, you see, the reason hair falls off is because it hangs down." "(CHUCKLING) Things never fall upwards, you know." "This is a plan of my own invention." "You might try it if you like." "First, you take an upright stick." "Oh, there's one." "(HORSE NEIGHING)" "I hope no bones are broken." "None to speak of." "The great art of riding, as I was saying, is to keep your balance." "How can you keep on talking head downward?" "What does it matter where my body happens to be?" "My mind goes on working all the same." "In fact, the more head downwards I am, the more I keep inventing new things." "Like this song I am about to sing to you." "Is it long?" "Because you said you would see me to the end of the wood." "That I shall." "I take your hand." "I understand." "And we are dancing." "Without a word, it seems absurd." "* But we are dancing" "* We didn't need a cue" "* Yet with a girl like you" "* It seems the thing to do" "* Don't you agree?" "Yes, I do." "* I hear the strings My poor heart sings *" "* And we are dancing" "* We share a smile, and for a while *" "* We two are dancing" "* If ever time" "* Should bring another year" "* Another spring" "* They'll be compared" "* To what I've shared" "* With you" "* I hear the strings My poor heart sings *" "* And we are dancing" "* We share a smile, and for a while *" "* We two are dancing" "* If ever time should bring" "* Another year" "* Another spring" "* They'll be compared" "* To what I've shared" "* With you *" "Oh!" "Now, you've only a few yards to go." "Down the hill and over the brook, and then you will be a queen." "Then I just know I'll be home, I just know it." "But you will stay to see me off first, won't you?" "I shan't be long." "And if you simply wave your handkerchief, it will encourage me very much." "All the finest damsels do that sort of thing." "Of course I'll wait." "And thank you very much for saving me." "Farewell, fair maiden." "Farewell, gallant knight." "Oops." "I hope I encouraged him a little." "This must be the eighth square." "I'm so happy to get here." "What is this on my head?" "Now how in the world did this crown get on my head without me knowing it?" "Oh, but this is wonderful!" "I never expected to be a queen so soon." "Now, I'll tell you what this means, Your Majesty." "It'll never do for you to be rolling around on the grass anymore." "Queens have to be very dignified, you know." "And if I really am a queen," "I shall be able to manage it quite well in time." "I just know it." "Please, would you tell me how I might..." "Speak when you're spoken to." "If everybody obeyed that rule, nobody would ever say anything." "Ridiculous." "I overheard you saying to yourself, "If I really am a queen..."" "What right have you to call yourself anything of the sort?" "I'm sure I didn't mean to..." "That's just what I'm complaining about!" "You should have meant it." "What do you suppose is the good of a child without meaning?" "Even a joke has some meaning." "Well, she's in that state of mind that she wants to deny something, only she doesn't know what to deny." "A nasty, vicious temper!" "Now, my dear White Queen, let me invite you to Alice's dinner party this afternoon." "And I invite you." "Now, if you'll pardon me!" "I didn't know I was giving a dinner party at all." "But if there's going to be one," "I think I ought to invite the guests, don't you?" "We gave you the opportunity of doing it, but you didn't invite anybody." "It's obvious you never had any lessons in manners." "(SIGHING) Manners aren't taught in lessons." "Lessons teach addition, subtraction and things of that sort." "Well, then, I have a lesson for you." "* Can you do addition?" "* What is one and one and one and one *" "* And one and one and one and one and two?" "*" "* Can you do subtraction?" "* Eight from nine and two from eight and six from three and one from seven, too *" "* Can you do division?" "* Six divided by a three and then a two *" "* Yes, you" "* Can you multiply, my dear?" "* Then what are three times six and two times ten, and then again *" "* Addition" "* Subtraction" "* Division" "* Multiplication!" "* Can you do addition?" "* What is one and one and one and one *" "* And one and one and one and one and two?" "*" "* Can you do subtraction?" "* Eight from nine and two from eight and six from three and one from seven, too *" "* Can you do division?" "* Six divided by a three and then a two *" "* Yes, you!" "* Can you multiply, my dear?" "* Then what are three times six and two times ten, and then again *" "* Forget your slumbers, recall your numbers *" "* Just add up the list" "* Just think of pluses and of minuses *" "* It's sure to clear your sinuses *" "* We simply must insist!" "*" "Well, Alice, what's your answer?" "I don't know." "I lost count." "Well, then." "Of course, you do know your ABC's?" "Sure, I do." "So do I." "Oh, we shall have such glorious times together saying the alphabet over and over." "Can you answer useful questions?" "How is bread made?" "I know that." "First, you take some flour... (SNICKERING)" "But where do you pick the flower?" "It isn't picked at all, it's ground." "RED QUEEN:" "Oh, fan her." "She's probably just feverish from all this thinking." "Do you know languages?" "What is French for "fiddle-de-dee"?" "I'll tell you what." "If you'll tell me what language "fiddle-de-dee" is," "I'll tell you the French for it." "Queens never make bargains." "I wish queens never asked questions." "Well, here's a question with an answer." "Is life just a giant game of chess?" "I assure you, the answer is yes." "Do you mean something is moving us about?" "That's for me to know and you to find out." "* Is the ocean as level as a pool?" "*" "* Well, to think so you'd have to be a fool *" "* There are millions of waves in an ocean *" "* So something obviously keeps them all in motion *" "* And do you stand motionless, my girl?" "*" "* No, you constantly are running in a whirl *" "* But since you've come uninvited for this visit *" "* I should think that you'd be wondering *" "* What is it?" "(SIGHING)" "* Should I reveal to you the secret, my dear?" "*" "Yes, Your Majesty, that's what I want to hear." "* When the world seems full of trouble and of strife *" "* What moves us through this" "* Crazy game of life?" "* Emotions" "* Emotions" "* They're much stronger * than magical potions" "* They make us behave * as we do" "* You may like it or not" "* But it's true" "* Emotions" "* Emotions" "* When we smile or we frown" "* That is why" "* Some are good" "* Some are bad" "* Some are sweet" "* Some are sad" "* Can't escape them" "* However we try" "* We've emotions, my dear" "* Till we * die *" "Oh, poor thing." "She's tired." "Smooth her hair, lend her your nightcap, and sing her a soothing lullaby." "I haven't got a nightcap with me and I don't know any soothing lullabies." "But if you'd only tell me how I might go home," "I'd be certain to get you anything you need." "I promise you I would, I truly would." "Oh, I must do it myself." "(SNORING)" "* Hush-a-bye, lady" "* In Alice's lap" "* Till the feast's ready" "* We've time for a nap" "* When the feast's over" "* We'll go to the ball" "* Red Queen" "* And White Queen" "* And Alice" "* And" "* All *" "(SNORING)" "Mother, Father, will I ever see you again?" "*(MUSIC PLAYING)" "* To the Looking Glass world It was Alice that said *" "* I've a scepter in hand I've a crown on my head *" "* Let the Looking Glass creatures, whatever they be *" "* Come and dine" "* With the Red Queen, the White Queen and me *" "* Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can *" "* And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran *" "* Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea *" "* Welcome Queen Alice with thirty times three *" "* Oh, Looking Glass creatures I pray, draw near *" "* 'Tis an honor to see me, a favor to hear *" "* 'Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea *" "* With the Red Queen, the White Queen and me!" "*" "* Then fill up all the glasses with treacle and ink *" "* Or anything else that is pleasant to drink *" "* Mix sand with the cider and wool with the wine *" "* And welcome Queen Alice" "* With ninety times nine" "(ALL CHEERING)" "* Then fill up all the glasses with treacle and ink *" "* Or anything else that is pleasant to drink *" "* Mix sand with the cider and wool with the wine *" "* And welcome Queen Alice" "* With ninety times nine *" "RED QUEEN:" "Welcome, Queen Alice!" "ALICE:" "Thank you." "We drink to your health." "Good idea." "To Queen Alice's health!" "KING OF HEARTS:" "Hear, hear!" "ALL:" "Hear, hear!" "(ALL CHATTERING)" "You ought to return your appreciation in a neat speech." "We're only teaching you the very basics of proper behavior." "Oh, yes, dear." "If you were ever invited to tea anywhere, you'll need to know these little pleasantries." "It's proper that you should know about proper behavior." "I..." "I thank you all." "But please, everyone, show me how I go home." "I don't want to be here anymore." "All I want to do is to go home." "I've never heard such a thing in my life!" "What nerve!" "Ingrate!" "Did you hear... (ALL CHATTERING)" "Well, I..." "MAN:" "Ridiculous!" "BOTH:" "A present's come for you, dear." "For me?" "(GROWLING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "(JABBERWOCKY GROWLING)" "(PEOPLE SCREAMING)" "(SCREAMING)" "Off with his head!" "Off with his head!" "By Jove!" "I certainly scared him off, my dear." "(SCREAMING)" "(GROWLING)" "I'm coming, fair maiden." "I'm coming!" "Have no fear." "The White Knight is here!" "No!" "Go back!" "He'll kill you!" "He really will!" "I'll save you, fair maiden." "Do not be afraid!" "(EXCLAIMS)" "(GRUNTING)" "Go, fair maiden!" "Go, I'll hold the monster off." "Go, I say!" "Save yourself!" "(GRUNTING)" "(THUNDER CLAPPING)" "Please help me, Mr. Owl." "I don't know what to do." "Don't let the monster hurt my friends." "You ask me, but it's you that must be brave." "I am brave!" "But not that brave." "Then you will never grow up, will you, Alice?" "Until you conquer the fears inside you, you will never be more than a child." "Home?" "(ALICE SCREAMING)" "(GROWLING)" "Go away!" "Go away!" "I'm not afraid of you!" "You're a fake, like the owl said!" "You're a fake!" "I've grown up now!" "I don't believe in you!" "I don't believe in you!" "I don't believe in you!" "(GROWLING)" "(ECHOING) I don't believe in you!" "MOTHER:" "Alice!" "Alice?" "There you are, Alice." "I've been calling you for some time, dear." "Where on Earth have you been?" "Oh, so many places, Mother." "I have so much to tell you." "But you really won't believe half of it." "So I'll only tell you a few things." "Like, one time, I had to sit..." "I'm sorry, dear." "I'm afraid it's teatime now, but I'd love to hear all about it later." "Is it?" "Is it really?" "Is it really what?" "Teatime?" "Yes." "Yes, it is." "We're having strawberry shortcake." "And your father bought gingerbread cookies and Aunt Dorothy's insisted on opening one of her precious jars of raspberry preserves." "It sounds very lovely, Mother." "But why were you calling me?" "Ah." "I almost forgot." "I wanted to tell you that your father and I think you're finally quite grown up enough to join us." "Would you like that, Alice?" "To join the grownups at tea?" "Yes, Mother." "I should like that very much." "Thank you." "Thank you." "I truly have grown up, Mother." "You'll see." "You truly will." "Well, you run along now and get ready." "VOICES:" "* Alice, can you hear us?" "* Can you see us?" "* Alice, tell us, can you hear us?" "*" "* Alice" "* Ooh, ooh" "* Alice" "* Can you hear us, Alice?" "* Can you see us, dear girl?" "* Here in Wonderland" "* We have known you" "* Only for a dream or two" "* But here" "* We remember you" "* Oh, Alice" "* Don't forget us, Alice" "* If you let us, we'll prove" "* Dreams can all come true" "* Someday * through a mirror you'll get a clearer view *" "* Till then" "* Alice, we love you *"