"God, what is that smell?" "Mr Greene, you are in contempt." "Remove this man from my court and place him in remand." "G'day, Tuva." "How are you, mate?" "I'm unchaining you." "I still have feelings for you." "I doubt you ever have." "You're doing coke again, aren't you?" "You know you can't handle it." "If I was Joe Average instead of Joe Sandilands," "I wouldn't be voting for us." "May I add something?" "Of course." "Can anyone here lend me a car for the weekend?" "I want you to talk to him about Vampira." "He hasn't spoken to me since I kicked her out of my place." "David and I are getting married." "Oh, well, this is bloody riveting." "(Chatter)" "(Groans)" "(Sighs)" "(Birds chirp)" "(Young child laughs)" "What's up, Dad?" "What do you mean?" "You're smiling." "Yeah." "Weird, isn't it?" "Attorney-General Joe Sandilands has confirmed that he is one of 14 state MPs who has regularly attended the exclusive Darlinghurst brothel known as Club Jules." "Footage of Mr Sandilands leaving the brothel was released via YouTube last night." "In a statement released this morning, the Attorney-General expressed deep regret..." "Oh, Joe." "You poor bastard." "..let down his family, supporters and his colleagues." "The Premier is yet to make a statement." "No luck, I'm afraid." "You're kidding me." "No-one on this floor has a single Panadol?" "Panamax?" "Disprin, aspirin, codeine, Nurofen, in one form or another?" "I'll take it anally if required." "What can I say?" "This floor is loaded with booze, coke, sex toys, debt, but no..." "I don't need my resume shouted back at me, woman!" "I just need something to kill the bastard behind my eyes." "You right?" "I'm right." "Gun?" "Check." "Knife?" "Check." "Stockings?" "You were in charge of the fucking stockings, Tones." "Bullshit, I was!" "(Sensor beeps)" "Good evening." "Uh." "Uh, I have the stepmother of all headaches." "A headache, you say?" "Yes." "I'd like something strong for it, if possible." "Be with you in a moment." "Arggh!" "Put your fuckin' hands in the air now!" "Open the fuckin' till." "Hurry up, man!" "Fellas, what are you doing?" "Open it!" "Boys, you're on candid camera." "Shut up!" "Hurry up, mate!" "I'd just cut my losses and bolt if I were you." "I said, put your hands in the air." "Is that branch loaded, mate?" "Shut up, smart-arse." "Mate, I know a thing or two about the law." "Not much, granted, but if you just bolt now..." "Hurry up!" "What are you doing?" "I can't get it open!" "Leave it!" "Let's go!" "Stay down!" "Hurry up, Tones." "Let's go!" "Come on!" "Ugh!" "Oh fuck, Tones!" "Get up!" "Tones, come on." "Tones!" "Tones!" "Come on, man!" "(Groans)" "You're in luck." "This should do the trick." "Fuckin' hell." "Oh, fuck!" "(Breathes raggedly)" "Where's my parade?" "Beg your pardon?" "He gets called a hero, he gets a safe seat in Parliament, he gets my girl." "Ow." "What do I get?" "Hello?" "Barn?" "So are you gonna die?" "Well, I've been thinking a bit about it lately." "Barn!" "Don't ever pull this stunt again." "I'm not your next of kin." "In fact, I couldn't imagine a worse fate." "I had a mental blank." "You just don't get it, do you?" "We don't exist any longer, Cleaver." "I'm not going to bail you out or loan you any more money, or listen to you rationalise your pathetic self-indulgences." "Alright." "If you can't get over a little grudge " "A little grudge!" "He screwed my wife." "Barn, it's you and me, mate." "Come on, we can get over this." "I'm already over it... mate." "I'm over it." "I'm over Scarlet, and I'm over you." "Ta-ta." "Sorry, this might be a little tight." "Ow, fuck!" "(Children chatter happily)" "Until I'm informed otherwise, this is our house and they're our children." "OK." "Have you seen this?" "'Glebe woman bashed and robbed.' No, below that." "'Barista assault...'" "'Barista assaulted in Kings Cross chemist.'" "Pretty funny, don't you think?" "You haven't made a cup of coffee for yourself since I've known you." "How come Glebe woman gets a bigger story than me?" "I mean, she's just Glebe woman." "Her only significant achievement's having an address." "I at least have a profession." "Oh, I'd kill for a skinny latte right now, thanks." "And how come Glebe woman gets bashed, and I get assaulted?" "I mean, 'bashed' sounds so much worse." "Oh, it's a blessing in disguise." "Well, it's a bloody good disguise." "You're briefed to appear for Travis Simon Tanner, who is alleged to have assaulted and robbed..." "BOTH:" "Glebe woman." "And I'm gonna get the bugger off." "She's going to find out who's boss." "I'll show Glebe woman what it's like to be below the fold." "Yes, you do that." "Oh, by the way, can I have a muffin to go?" "He's 19, he has two priors as a juvenile for..." "BOTH:" "Violent assault and robbery." "Excellent." "Just got out of Grafton." "This is his first charge as an adult." "I'm not even going to try and hide my disappointment, Simone." "I was hoping our Mr Tanner might be innocent." "You see, I have a score to settle." "Well, before you fall into a deep despond, it seems very possible that the police may have jumped the gun and picked up an easy target." "How so?" "Because whilst our Mr Tanner does fit the description given by Ms..." "Ja..." "Jajou?" "Ja..." "Jajou..." "Yeah, Glebe woman." "Quite." "We have a witness who says she saw him in the city at precisely the time the attack was alleged to have taken place in Glebe on..." "BOTH:" "Glebe woman." "Really?" "Yes." "And this, you see, is how you came to get this brief." "How?" "Apparently the witness is a friend of yours." "Who?" "It was about 8:00." "I was late to meet David, so I bolted out onto Phillip Street, and wham, we collided." "I dropped everything." "He was very apologetic and helped me pick up my stuff, and we chatted for a minute and introduced ourselves." "And he told you his name?" "Yeah, Travis." "Travis Tanner." "Next morning, I'm listening to the radio and after all that bullshit about the election," "I hear this story about this woman from Glebe..." "Glebe woman." "Yeah, who was assaulted at about 8:00, and that a Travis Tanner had been charged." "Right." "Nothing on the radio about a barista from Kings Cross?" "No." "Anyway, I thought there can't be that many Travis Tanners." "So I give the Crown Defender's office a call, and I get his solicitor's name and I tell her what I saw." "And?" "And Simone and I got chatting and I mentioned your name and..." "Uh, any distinguishing features?" "Yeah." "A barbed wire tatt on his shoulder." "His left, I think." "I've got to get back." "OK." "OK." "You know this is proof, don't you?" "Proof of what?" "Proof of our spiritual connection." "(Laughs hysterically)" "We both witness assaults on the same night." "In some cultures, we'd be forced to marry." "Well, I guess we're lucky we live in a city where the spiritual doesn't count for much." "What were you doing in Phillip Street, Travis?" "I'm stayin' in some shithole near Central." "The halfway house?" "Yeah." "Went down to see the harbour and the bridge and that." "Right." "Were you gonna meet some mates down there?" "Nuh." "Just wanted to see the blue." "The colour blue?" "Yeah." "But it wasn't sunny that day, was it?" "The night before, forecast was sweet." "Fine and sunny all day, but they're all just full of shit." "Oh, don't get me started on weathermen, mate." "How long did you stay down by the harbour?" "Probably... most of the day." "Despite the absence of the colour blue?" "Blue would have been nice, but..." "I just got to walk round like a regular bloke." "Mm." "The sun went down, and I just stared at the lights." "It was good." "And then you, uh, just walked back to the old halfway house?" "Yep." "Past the law school." "Why'd you go that way?" "Huh!" "I don't know Sydney that well." "I'm from Taree." "But it was outside the law school that you bumped into Ms Partridge." "Well, they tell me it was a law school." "I wouldn't know what the fuck it was." "It's a law school." "Mick." "Col." "Can we have a private word?" "We heard what happened the other night at the chemist's." "Oh, yeah, you read the papers." "Yep." "Couldn't grab us a short black, could you, mate?" "One of the boys just happens to be the son of a good friend of mine." "Ah." "The one who clobbered you." "Ah." "Ah, indeed." "Not me for a change, eh, Cleave?" "Yeah, that's right." "So do I get a credit?" "The thing is, mate, the other kid, Tony, he's dead." "Turns out he had some sort of congenital brain defect." "Shit." "Yeah, shit." "Well, I didn't need a neurosurgeon to tell me that." "They're both fuckin' idiots." "And, you know, the pair of 'em have always been embarrassments to their families." "Fuckin' potheads." "But Josh, fair fuckin' dinkum, even before he started on the weed, he was just plain dumb." "His father's a very, very good friend of mine." "Best break-and-enter man in the business." "So I need to know what really happened, Cleave." "Oh, well, look, I was still a bit woozy, but, um, but I vaguely remember one of them clobbering the security camera with a lump of wood and hitting the other one..." "Tony." "Tony, in the follow-through." "He didn't mean to do it." "It's manslaughter at worst." "Good." "His father thinks a stretch for manslaughter will sort him out." "Teach him the trade." "Sure." "Yeah." "But murder, no." "His mother couldn't handle that." "Barney's missus has been briefed for the prosecution." "Will that be a problem?" "Well, not for me, mate." "Golden rule." "You can't cross-examine a friend." "How are you?" "Thanks for coming." "Oh, that's alright." "Can't really trust the phones at the moment." "How are you going?" "Sal's given me two weeks to find a new place." "Taken the kids to Bowral until I move out." "She didn't know?" "(Chuckles)" "She knew, of course she knew." "It's not what I did, it's the humiliation that she can't handle." "Have you spoken to Jules?" "Yeah, yeah." "I tried calling her, but..." "Well, she's... ..lying understandably low." "There's a lot of pretty pissed-off people." "What happened?" "Someone hacked into the system." "You know, got the client list, recognised a few names." "If they got the client list, then they..." "No, no, it's alright." "You don't need to worry." "It's not the girls they're interested in, it's the celebs... ..you know, and the chances of anyone putting two and two together are a million to one." "I don't like those odds in this town." "Have you thought of telling David?" "We're too far down the track, Joe." "You OK?" "Sick of the bullshit." "Sick... of the bullshit." "Tell me, whe..." "When we were, um, together at the club, did you ever enjoy it?" "We had a lot of laughs." "Yeah, I know we had a lot of laughs." "But the whole thing, did you ever..." "Joe, let's not dwell on..." "Didn't think so." "That's not what I meant." "That's exactly what you meant." "No, Cleaver was always the one for you, wasn't he?" "Oh, don't be stupid!" "No!" "I remember at Jules' drinks parties, your face would light up when Cleaver came in, eh?" "Off his tree." "(Laughs)" "Which he invariably was." "And then I'd go and look for you a little later on and you'd both be gone." "Did you fall in love with him?" "Once or twice." "But to use an expression Cleaver's fond of, he's a hopeless case." "Mm, another expression that he's fond of - hopeless cases are the only ones worth fighting for." "You ever tell him what you felt?" "Hm!" "'For all sad words of tongue and pen the saddest are these..." "It might have been.'" "You've already made a joint decision to divorce." "What is it you seek to achieve by coming to therapy?" "It's for the children, primarily." "We've moved on from each other." "So we... we thought it would be a good idea to see if someone could help us." "Mm, help them." "Yeah, help the children." "That's who I meant by them." "I was just trying to be clear." "I think it was already pretty clear." "Yeah, it could have been clearer." "Alright." "I'm sorry." "(Clock ticks)" "Alright, what are you playing at?" "What do you mean?" "Well, this Zen facade is a little wearing." "It's not a facade." "Oh, bullshit." "I feel OK, Scarlet." "It's as much a surprise to me." "I just..." "I feel OK." "The fog has lifted." "No pain, no anger." "Just a desire and a need to move on." "So..." "So, we move on." "That's what you want, right?" "Yeah." "OK." "(Coughing)" "(Sniffs) Oh, yes." "I told you the patches wouldn't work, Dava." "The only way the patches are gonna work, mate, is if you want to quit smoking." "And you don't want to quit smoking." "You're a committed smoker." "So be it." "You're also one of the nation's top silks, so you shouldn't be reduced to hanging around in fucking toilet cubicles puffing away like some adolescent boy." "So come on, mate, be a man." "Out and proud!" "Jesus Christ, give it a fuckin' rest, will ya?" "You pricks are all the same." "You can't even have a piss without talkin' shit." "Yes, sorry, I mistook you for somebody else." "Meetin' some prick called Greene." "Where's he at?" "Uh... yes." "The prick Greene is down the corridor to the left, left again, then straight ahead." "Look for a door marked Tolga Urdan." "Now, where was I?" "Ms Tanner, did you visit Travis when he was in Grafton?" "Once or twice." "Look, he done what he done." "If you can't do the time, then don't do the fuckin' crime." "Yeah." "It's just that this is your son's first charge as an adult." "If it goes badly, it'll have a big impact on the rest of his life." "We're here, aren't we?" "Just tell us what you want us to say." "It doesn't work that way, Mrs Tanner." "Ooh, doesn't it?" "You must be new at this, love." "(Recording of Trial By Jury plays)" "(Sings along) £ When I, good friend, was called to the bar" "RECORDING: £ I'd an appetite fresh and hearty" "£ But I was as many young barristers are" "£ An impecunious party" "£ I'd a swallow-tail suit of a beautiful blue" "£ And a brief which I bought from a booby" "£ A couple of shirts and a collar or two" "£ And a ring that looked like a ruby" "£ He'd a couple of shirts and a collar or two" "£ And a ring that looked like a ruby. £" "(Siren)" "REPORTER:" "A statement issued by the family this afternoon, Sandra, stated that Mr Sandilands was under considerable pressure following revelations about his regular attendance at a now infamous Sydney brothel." "His suicide was met with shock in Macquarie Street... (Folk music)" "(People sing) £ Of all the money e'er I had" "£ I spent it in good company" "£ And all the harm I've ever done" "£ Alas, it was to none but me" "£ And all I've done for want of wit" "£ To mem'ry now I can't recall" "£ So fill to me the parting glass" "£ Goodnight and joy be with you all. £" "To Joe." "ALL:" "Joe." "(Sniffles)" "Hey." "I don't think I've got another tear left in me, Barn." "I know how you feel, Sal." "You don't see how it could ever not hurt." "You resign yourself to living with the pain." "But then one day, you wake up and it's gone, hm?" "And you begin again." "I'm having a dinner for Fuzz's birthday at my place if you're free." "OK." "She's coming." "Who?" "Your mother?" "(Chuckles) Vampira." "Ah." "I've been thinking about my epitaph." "And?" "I think I'm gonna go with American Typewriter." "(Laughs) I'm sorry?" "The font." "I've got no idea what it's gonna say, but it'll look nice." "I was watching you chatting to Scarlet." "Had a sort of Proustian rush." "It's like it was 15 years ago, and we were all at some party together." "I'd be acting the fool and you two and Barney'd be rolling your eyes." "Fuck, I miss it." "I've lost you all." "Two of the most important things a man can have, a loving wife and dear friends, and I've somehow managed to lose all of you." "I fucking love you all." "Most of all you." "Hm." "What are you doing?" "Just making a bad situation worse." "Mm." "Mmm, get out of the car." "Wendy..." "Get out of the car, please." "(Phone beeps)" "Did you see the list of so-called celebrities from the club they put in the paper?" "It's a bloody outrage." "30 names." "Did I get a mention?" "I'm like a founding member." "I'm surprised Glebe woman didn't get a guernsey." "I don't know what's going on." "I feel like a victim of identity theft." "Who'd want to be me?" "(Slurs drunkenly)" "Here we go." "That's for you." "(Upbeat music)" "I'll have a Scotch, mate." "Joe was just sick of the bullshit, I think." "I'll drink to that." "I saw him the morning he jumped, Cleave." "Oh." "Don't flatter yourself, babe." "There's nothing you could have done." "Wasn't there?" "No." "There wasn't." "He sounded so lost." "He was sick of the bullshit." "That's what it was." "Well, I'm tired of it too." "Oh, fuck, Cleave!" "I'm not even 30 and I'm tired of it." "Every day with David at some point," "I have to pretend to be someone I'm not." "I've lied to him about you, about Joe, about the club." "I mean, it's exhausting." "Well, then, tell him the truth." "Fuck." "See how he takes it." "If you can't be real with him, what's the fucking point?" "You're real with me." "Yeah." "Yeah, right." "(Laughs drunkenly)" "What?" "I'm serious." "You're real with me." "Who do you feel more real with?" "Him or me?" "It's not that simple." "Isn't it?" "You know the rules, baby." "It's my first time, actually." "Really?" "Mm." "So how much for a kiss?" "You got cash?" "Yeah, how much?" "200." "You always carry that much cash with you?" "I've been at a funeral." "£ Mister" "£ Your eyes are full of hesitation" "£ Sure makes me wonder" "£ If you know what you're looking for" "£ Baby" "£ I wanna keep my reputation... £" "You OK?" "Fantastic!" "Could not be better!" "£ Oh, yes, sir, I can boogie" "£ But I need a certain song" "£ I can boogie" "£ Boogie, boogie" "£ All night long" "£ Yes, sir, I can boogie" "£ If you stay you can't go wrong... £" "(Clears throat)" "Excuse me, sir." "I need you out of the fountain." "Gentlemen!" "Sir, out of the fountain, please." "Barney!" "You bloody idiot!" "Cleave?" "Yeah, Mitch, how are ya, mate?" "Good to see ya." "Listen, Barn, get out." "Get out, mate." "I don't know him!" "You know Mr Meagher, don't you?" "We do, Cleave." "We need him out of the fountain." "I don't know him!" "I don't know him." "Get out of there!" "He's alright." "We've just been at Joe Sandilands' wake, so he's a bit tired and emotional." "He'll be alright." "He'll come with me." "Get out of there, Barney!" "You need to sober up, Mr Meagher." "Come on, Barnyard." "Listen to your friend." "He's not my mate." "Come, you bloody idiot!" "He's alright." "I'll look a..." "I'll get him out." "He's alright." "Come on, Barney, you bloody idiot!" "Get out of there!" "Barney!" "Come here, you bloody fool." "You bloody idiot!" "You're gonna owe me big time." "What time do you call this?" "Where have you been?" "Mourning a friend." "You only met Joe a few months ago, Mel." "How drunk do you get when someone you actually know dies?" "I'm sick of this crap." "This self-indulgent Paris Hilton crap." "Paris Hilton?" "You're comparing me with Paris Hilton?" "You disappear, Mel, all the time." "You fucking disappear." "Dinners, lunches." "I take a nap, you're gone three hours." "At first I thought it was this charming idiosyncrasy, a sort of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast At Tiffany's." "But it's no longer charming, nor is it idiosyncratic." "It is childish, self-indulgent, thoughtless bullshit." "Not only are we getting married, but I'm running for Parliament." "So I'm sorry, but I really need to know where you were." "You said that your political career wouldn't interfere with my choices, that I could do my own thing." "Where were you last night?" "!" "And don't try and get out of it by giving me another fucking story about your dead parents." "(Sighs)" "Come on, mate." "Come on, drink up." "That's it." "Bit more." "Oh, no." "I tried being you tonight." "And?" "Oh, Christ, it must be awful." "Yeah, tell me about it." "I ended up in one of those bars, the sort of places you go to." "And I paid this woman 200 bucks to kiss me." "(Half-laughs)" "I'd been feeling fine." "Here I was in this dark room, strange woman, kissing her... ..and it all came back to me, like a flood." "What did?" "The pain, the anger, the fear." "I burst into tears and then I threw up on her." "Oh, Jesus, Barnyard." "200 bucks." "RADIO:" "Why on Earth, Minister, would you deny the fact that you can speak French?" "Were you scared that if this sensational news got out, it might make you look un-Australian?" "Well, it doesn't make you look un-Australian, mate." "But I'll tell you what - lying about it makes you look like an imbecile." "It's this sort of dumbing down, constantly patronising..." "Out we get." "Home, James." "Home, James." "Good boy." "Just wait there for a sec." "Make yourself nice." "What have you done to him?" "Me?" "Nothing." "Absolutely nothing." "The last time I saw this was when you took him for his bucks night." "You're welcome, Red." "How could you let him get like this?" "Nothing to do with me." "He did it all by himself." "It's never your fault." "I've been worried sick." "It's a little late to play the concerned wife, Red." "How dare you!" "How dare you!" "We buried a good friend yesterday and I was worried about how Barney would handle it." "Or is there something wrong with that?" "Just go, will you?" "And leave my family alone." "For what it's worth, Red, it looks like he handled it quite well." "Fuck off!" "I think we should ask them to redraft this." "Parts of it aren't even coherent, let alone accurate." "Mm-hm." "Yeah, that's fine." "Look, I've changed my mind." "I'm going to do Cleaver Greene's cross." "But you said he was an old friend." "You can't cross-examine a friend." "I know what I'm doing, Louise." "But you could get into a lot of trouble." "Mr Greene, you visited the pharmacy for what purpose?" "I ha... (Clears throat)" "I had a headache." "According to your statement, the defendant and his now deceased accomplice, they entered the pharmacy approximately two minutes after you." "The two of them then attempted to rob the pharmacy." "Yes, that's right." "The accused beat you over the head with a log, did he not?" "He did." "Severely enough to see you off to Emergency at St Vincent's?" "Yes." "But you claim to have remained conscious." "Enough to see the accused beat his friend with the log?" "Yes, well, he didn't beat him with the log." "He was trying to take out the CCTV camera and he m..." "It was an accident." "Oh, an accident?" "Oh." "How can you be sure?" "It..." "I'm sure." "Had you been drinking?" "No." "Had you been taking any illicit substances?" "Cocaine, for example?" "Ms Engels?" "Credit, Your Honour." "Short leash." "Thank you, Your Honour." "Do you need me to repeat the question?" "No." "And the answer is no." "Mr Greene, have you ever been to rehab for cocaine addiction?" "Yes." "And when was that?" "Two years ago." "Have you taken cocaine since you were discharged from rehab?" "Oh, are you gonna object at some point, Rumpole?" "Er, objection, Your Honour." "Sustained." "Mr Greene, you are a known associate of Mr Michael Corella, are you not?" "Yes." "I defended him." "And Mr Corella is... is a friend of the accused's father, isn't he?" "Yes." "Mr Greene, do you currently owe Mr Carella any money?" "Gambling debts, perhaps?" "Your Honour, I have had sexual relations with that woman." "She is my best friend's wife and she should not be cross-examining me." "Your Honour, this is intolerable." "I completely agree with my co-copulator, Your Honour." "And plus, I've got another trial kicking off in six minutes." "Enough!" "Ms Engels, my chambers." "Now." "Delighted you could make it, Mr Greene." "Your Honour." "Only you and Beyonce have the pulling power." "Shall we, then?" "Let's." "So after the assault, this so-called 'Glebe woman' called the police and you attended the scene." "Mrs Jarjoura's from Annandale, actually." "I beg your pardon?" "The attack was in Glebe." "She's from Annandale." "Are you sure?" "I mean, the press was most insistent that she was a Glebe woman." "Well, as I say, the attack was in Glebe, so I guess..." "Mr Greene, is this at all relevant?" "I'll move on, Your Honour." "So, uh, the pensioner formerly known as 'Glebe woman' was able to give you a description of her assailant, was she?" "Mr Greene, the victim's name is Mrs Jarjoura." "Please answer the question, Constable." "Yes." "Constable, how did the assailant attack Mrs, uh, Jarjoura, if that's her name?" "I'm sorry, Mr Greene?" "Nothing, Your Honour." "Constable, please." "She said he attacked her from behind." "Oh!" "So 71-year-old Mrs Jarjoura was able to give you a description of the man who attacked her from behind." "Amongst other things, she was able to describe a tattoo on her assailant's left arm." "Yes, the barbed wire." "Yes." "Yes." "A barbed wire tattoo." "Have you ever seen one of those before in your entire career, Constable?" "(Half-laughs) Yes." "How many times would you estimate you might have seen a barbed wire tattoo in your career?" "I don't know." "More than once?" "I suppose." "Yes, twice?" "Three times?" "300 times?" "A lot." "I don't know." "Yes." "They're as common as muck, aren't they, Constable?" "Constable, how long was the interval between Mrs Jarjoura's reporting of the incident and the arrest?" "I'd have to check the charge sheet, but I'd say... ..an hour and a half." "Well, that's extraordinary." "Doesn't it make you feel safe, ladies and gentlemen, that in a town of over four million people, the constabulary can pin down the bent needle in the haystack in less than two hours?" "Mr Greene, you are testing the limits of my patience." "Constable, I put it to you that there was no real investigation of this matter." "There couldn't possibly have been in the time frame." "I reject that." "I further put it to you, Constable, that, conscious of the fact that this assault took place in the vicinity of a well-known State-run halfway house, you merely cross-referenced your information with the list of current known occupants of that halfway house," "and bingo." "There was Mr Tanner, two-time loser with a barbed wire tattoo." "Had to be him." "I reject that." "So are you pissed at Vampira or are you pissed at Fuzz?" "Both." "But I'm also pissed at you." "Why?" "You know perfectly well why." "Because we kissed?" "I don't want to talk about it." "Did it unsettle you a little?" "Listen, tonight's going to be difficult enough, OK?" "Can we just..." "Alright, fine, darlin'." "We'll keep it together." "It's his special birthday." "I know." "She can screw him legally after tonight." "We should have had her charged when we had the chance." "Who did you want charged?" "No-one, Mum." "Vampira?" "Mum, please." "It's a disgrace." "Better keep it down a little, Prue." "Or what, Cleave?" "You'll ask me for a loan?" "Did you ever get those pamphlets I sent you on euthanasia?" "And so, um, how's the new school, Fiona?" "Fine." "Good?" "Hm." "Hm!" "Got some, uh, bright students?" "Some." "I must say, I think it's a wonderful thing." "In my day, I couldn't have had a relationship with my French teacher." "Fiona teaches English, Carm, and she's no longer Finnegan's teacher." "(Whispers) You remember we talked about that earlier?" "I'm just saying that Finn is a very lucky boy." "I am, Aunty Carm." "Fiona, you're such a pretty young thing." "Carm..." "Here we go." "She's off." "I bet there are some hearts aflutter." "(Half-laughs) Indeed there are." "How old are you?" "Anyone for some more chicken?" "You don't look a day over 21." "Got any breasts?" "I'm actually 28." "Excuse me." "Funny, you don't look 28." "Or act it." "I beg your pardon, Mum?" "Nothing, darling." "Mum!" "When are you going to get it?" "Fi and I are in love." "That's not going to change." "If anything changes it's gonna be between you..." "Fuzz, it's alright." "Your mum's a little stressed, yeah?" "I mean, you both have to understand that this has been a tricky thing to adjust to." "Um, so let's just try and start from scratch, shall we?" "I'd like to, on this, your 16th birthday, propose a little toast." "Which will go on till your 17th." "(Chuckles)" "Fuzz, I've never seen you looking so happy, mate, and so I'd like to thank Fiona for bringing us this joy..." "I'm sorry." "FUZZ:" "Fi!" "Fi, what's wrong?" "(Door slams)" "What happened there?" "(Strums)" "It will be alright, darling, I promise." "Your mum's right, mate." "It's going to hurt like a bastard for a while." "But it'll get better." "No, it won't." "She was the one, Dad." "She's the only one." "No, she isn't." "It's better that she came to her senses now rather than in a year's time." "What do you mean, came to her senses?" "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." "You've been undermining this relationship from the start, the pair of you!" "It's no wonder she left me!" "Settle down, mate." "Your mum just meant that it was always going to be tough." "At some point she was probably going to meet a man her own age..." "He's not of her own age, Dad!" "He's even younger than I am!" "He's at that new school that you guys fucking drove her to!" "Fuck!" "Ha!" "What's the technical term for someone like Fiona?" "Oh." "Nut job." "Yeah, that's it." "We've gotta let that new school know." "Yeah." "Oh." "I'll call them in the morning." "No, I'll do it." "(Laughs) Really?" "Oh, yes." "I must shoulder some of the load." "You got something on?" "Witness." "Ah, yes, that assault." "The Glebe woman." "Yes, the Glebe woman." "I'd say good luck with that, but..." "No, it'll be fine." "Be interesting to see what it's like from the other side." "We're good, yeah?" "Yeah, we're good." "Excuse me." "Oi!" "(Sniffling and whimpering)" "Miss, open the door." "I just need a minute." "Come on, open the door or I'm gonna bust it down." "He said that they wouldn't be here." "He promised me they wouldn't be here!" "The fuckin' little shit!" "What's going on?" "What is it?" "That's my family, Cleave." "That's my mum and my dad." "Those people... ..are your parents?" "Unbe-fucking-lievable." "You are fucking kidding me." "Right." "So Dad wasn't a diplomat." "There was no being chased by bandits in Honduras." "Those people are your parents." "I don't care if I never see them again." "I don't want to ever see them again." "But Travis is my little brother, Cleave." "I mean, he's had a shit life, and it's all gonna be over if he goes inside again." "Right, so he did it." "Yeah." "You know if you get in the witness box and you lie and it's found out, you will not only never practise law, but you'll go to fucking jail." "Now, you might be fine with that." "You might think that's OK, that's cool." "I'm on a professional fucking tightrope, Missy!" "You know my reputation." "If I get the slightest gust of wind, that's it for me." "I'm over." "Done." "My name is Jane." "It's Jane Tanner." "Is it, Jane?" "Well..." "I've got a couple of questions for you, Jane." "What did I ever do to make you think that I would give a flying fuck about where you came from, Jane?" "Surely to Christ you know me well enough to know that that would make no difference." "Or do you really think that I'm so fucking superficial" "I deserve five years of bullshit?" "I started the bullshit long before I met you, Cleave." "I can't remember a time in my life when it hasn't been bullshit." "Well, that's some consolation, Jane." "Mr Greene." "Mr Greene?" "Do you recall the precise time of your collision with Mr Tanner, Ms Partridge?" "Yes." "It was a little after eight." "I'd just finished a lecture." "I see." "And are you absolutely convinced that it was the defendant, Travis Tanner?" "Yes, I'm sure." "Thank you." "No further questions, Your Honour." "Really?" "What is this incident at the chemist shop?" "Oh, well, you want the whole story, or the abridged?" "I'll give you the whole story." "No, I don't want the whole story." "It's a good story." "Mr Greene." "Thank you." "Whatever for, Ms Partridge?" "A drink's in order, don't you think, Simone?" "I do." "So where do we start?" "Oh, well, what?" "You mean the chemist shop or the drink?" "The chemist shop." "Closed Captions by CSI"