"Steed!" " That's a fiver you owe me." " Oh?" "Terribly sorry..." "Mrs. Peel, Major Carson." " How do you do?" " Delighted to meet you." "I told you she has all the qualifications." "What for?" "Carson is from HQ, assigned to me for the conference." "What conference?" "The meeting of defense chiefs." "Steed represents security, we fear an infiltration." " By whom?" " Colonel Psev." "There are spies and spies." "He's the king of spies." " His dossier." " Most impressive." "Still, we have no idea what he looks like!" "But he's here, that's ceftain." "Wherever he goes, so does his entourage." "We have pictures of them." "Alicia Elena, secretary." "Vogel, 1st assistant." "Shvedloff, 2nd assistant, Pudeshkin, 3rd assistant..." "They arrived yesterday, and only they know Psev." " The suspected gate crasher?" " Sure of it." "Difficult to identify." "He is human, with habits and weaknesses like this." ""Créme de violettes"." "Likes Jamaican cigars." "Torpedo nº2." "Very snappy dresser." "Huge collection of suits." "He has one very special hobby." "You'll find it fascinating." "Most realistic." "And it also has a receiver?" "All models are radio controlled." "I'd like the complete outfit, with accessories." "I'll take it myself." " Very good, one moment." " Thank you." "Confirms it then:" "lvenko, a minor embassy official." "No doubt Psev is in town." "I've never let you down yet, Colonel Psev. I'll see to it." "lvenko." " l'll take that." " Yes, Ambassador." "Yes, Colonel, he's here." "Yes, he's 2 minutes late." "Brodny, you're 2 minutes late!" " lvenko was..." " Both requests were transmitted." "Elena." "Lunch, of course." "Omelette au caviar, chateaubriand, and a sorbet to follow." "Please, the Colonel objects to cold coffee." "So sorry." " Brodny, you have his cigars?" " Yes, I do." "And the model kit." "Allow me..." "Only personal staff in the office." "Remember, Ambassador?" "Brodny, remain." "But I have a lot of work." "Brodny." "The cigars... I have a message from the Colonel." "A message?" "A message for me?" "Yes." "Torpedo nº3, not 2." "In boxes of 100 in the future, please." "And the liquor?" "La créme de violettes?" "I tried everywhere." "Our man in Paris had trouble too." "Poor Lemkoff..." "Comrades, I'm still trying, I'll find it, I promise." " The ministry file is complete?" " ln detail." "It's a veritable foftress." "Who is this John Steed?" "Security, but incorruptible, I know him." "I'm having him watched." "Brodny!" "This conference will determine the routes of Polari submarines." "The Col. intends to have this information." "I hope he will." "I'm sorry, I feel he may return home empty-handed." "If he does, you'll be coming along." "You're out of luck, not a drop of it." "You're ceftain?" "I've looked everywhere." "Créme de violettes." " Cream of violettes." " l'm sorry, sir." " Steed!" " Brodny, my old comrade!" "Don't go now, the weather's terrible, like Siberia." "What did he have?" " He wanted..." " Vodka!" "I'll have vodka." " l thought you hated it?" " No, not me." "Isn't British gin your favorite tickle?" "No, you're mistaken." "I love vodka." "Cheers!" " l needed that." " Have another one." "I'll have a brandy." "You look pale, it can't be homesickness." "You told me if you were ever transferred..." "You're disturbing the others." "Well..." "Down the hatch!" "Perfection." "Excuse me, I must be going." "Brodny..." "A gift to ciment relations." "Créme de violettes." " lf you prefer vodka..." " No, I like liquor!" "Steady, very rare." "I'll keep it for special friends." "That's it!" "Thanks." " l hope the Colonel enjoys it." " l'm sure he will." "Boris, Andrei, he wants you." " l got..." " Hurry, he's in a mood." "Andrei, wait." "His pills!" "I've got the liquor." " What's this?" " Fashion show." "The Colonel wants details of new trends." "But I know nothing!" "Take lvenko with you." "David Ryan wears ajacket of the latest fabric." "Elegant, but with a host of hidden extras." "Champagne resistant, and dry Maftiniproof." "Anyone for cocktails?" "For the man who refuses to be pushed around, who sets his own trends, who whips up a soufflé of saftorial surprises and a pinch of the unexpected." "Riviera rebel, Cannes caper, moonlight in Monte, showing you what's in for every occasion is Gordon Webster." "A shift of sheer silk to set you singing, a hat with a dash of panache," "Roguish, the look that spells man." "The must have: slacks built for action, ideal for swinging the tcha-tcha..." "What do you think?" "Excellent, order it." "This shift is lipstick proof." "Just one of our large range." "Ambassador!" "...in a variety of colours, handsewn." "The slacks are saddle-stitched." "English cut, Italian design." "The straw hat is silk-lined." "Also available in several colors." "Hello, Steed here." "Hello?" "Anybody there?" "Hello?" " Ambass..." " Sh!" "Gordon Webster again, with the perfect spofts outfit this year." "For the man who enjoys action, who keeps his eye on the target." "This outfit will bring out your athletic musculature, yet remain easy to wear." "Gentlemen, really an outfit to go stagging." "Like twins, I tell you!" "The ideajust hit me." "lvenko, you will watch." "It was my idea." "A perfect double for Steed." "What's more, I checked with the model agency." "You will vouch..." "You've already told us." "His name is Webster, Gordon Webster." "Actor by profession, oppoftunist by nature." "He drinks, gambles, womanizes..." "He is corruptible." "We get the point." "Comrades, don't you see?" "It's a magnificent oppoftunity to infiltrate the conference." " l think..." " The Colonel will do that." "Of course, naturally." " Well?" " Congratulations." "The Colonel approves the idea." "But... it requires work." " Cease to have Steed followed." " Cease?" "Avoid suspicion." " These files on Steed..." " l compiled them." " lnadequate." " My staff are morons." "The Colonel wants up-to-the-minute news." "Wire Steed's apaftment." "lmpossible, a wiley fox like Steed..." " Do it." " With all due respect, I'm a diplomat, not a spy." "Steed trusts you." "Go to him." " Here." " ls it raining?" "It contains a transmitor." "Leave it at Steed's." "Ambassador..." "Do you always squeeze toothpaste from the middle?" "Not until I married." "I'm expecting no one." "into the woodwork." "From whence you came." " Ambassador Brodny!" " For friendship." "For me?" "How nice, but..." "Nonsense, dear chap!" "You'll drink my health." "This is charming, charming." "But I have interrupted you... I do have a pressing engagement." "Then I won't delay you." "Please, have a drink." " Not for me." " You mind?" "Not at all, that's the whole idea!" "Well..." " Tchin-tchin!" " But surely..." "Extraordinary chap!" "You planted the umbrella?" "No trouble!" "I had no trouble at all!" "Yes, Colonel Psev?" "The television." "Yes, immediately." "He wants you, Boris." "Won't you switch on?" "Soon we'll be seeing the arrival of the Defense Commission." "They're here for talks prior to the conference in 48 hours." "It's time for us to go to Westminster." "The Western defense chiefs are arriving." "That's him, Steed." "Mr. Gordon Webster is here." "I wish this conference success." "Peace, armed peace, in uppermost in the mind of each commander here." "Hold your horses, I'm driving!" "Another won't huft you." "Fill me up, duckie." "Thanks." "Cigar?" "You do yourself proud." "Compliments of Colonel Psev." "Who is he at home?" "Senior boy, eh?" "Headmaster's study?" "It's a little much for me." "I've flown one of these jobs." "Before being cashiered?" "We know your background." "No need to tell you then." "Who's the aero-modeler?" "No, don't..." "It's Colonel Psev!" "A light for Mr. Webster." " Fool!" " Bad move." " Get a replacement immediately!" " Yes." "Not from here." "Outside." "Idiot!" "It was time he returned home." "I was saying, we know a great deal about you." "You have a record." "You gamble." "Show me your cards." "Deck's incomplete." "Sorry, duckie." "Aero Models." "Which paft?" "Yes, I have one in stock." "Ceftainly, I'll deliver it personally." "This is only a deposit." "The stakes are tempting." "But what's the game?" "I'd like to know the rules." "Dispose of this man and impersonate him." "The resemblance is striking." "It is." "How tall is he?" "6 foot 2." "I'm a bit shofter." "We could use lifts." "He's better looking." "I don't know, duckie." "Could you do it?" "I think so, why?" "Isn't that reason enough?" "I suppose I could..." "with a bit of coaching." "You'll get it." "I need his mannerisms, his voice." "Study this also." ""Mrs. Peel"." "She's a friend of Steed's." "Lucky Steed!" "Steed." "He's back." "He's phoning." "Hello, Security?" "Steed here." "All's well. I wired Paris." "Admiral Le Frére is coming." "His plane is delayed." "Yes, everything's under control." "Well?" ""l wired Paris." ""Admiral Le Frére is coming." ""His plane..." too difficult." ""Yes..." "Everything's under control."" "Excellent!" "Really." "I'm from Aero Models." " l'll take it." " Two pounds, please." "Gricha, I'll see to it." "Prestiti." "Come in." "All right, Gricha." "Thank you for being prompt." " Two pounds." " Oh, yes!" "I'll just..." "Please, one moment." "Excuse me, please." "Thank you." "Here's the two pounds." " Thank you." " This way, please." "Scout's honor, I've not been near the embassy." "Steed, ajoke is ajoke, but I saw you." " Weave it through." " l need smaller fingers!" "What's up?" "You were at the embassy." "I met the defense chiefs and came home." "Didn't I?" "Correct." "Left 12:31." "Returned 2:47." "Hasn't budged." "Then I saw a twin, an absolute double." "Come now!" "If I had a twin, Mother would have mentioned it." "If he believes her..." "You have a double." "Psev could be planning a swap." "With my watchdog here!" "Besides, you'd sniff out a faux." "Looking alike isn't enough." "So why are you worrying?" " A carbon copy!" " Remarkable." "Astonishing." "Fantastic." "Perfect." "We all agree then." "The resemblance is superb." "Well, Ambassador?" "If I might make a slight criticism..." " He lacks panache." " Nonsense!" "Ridiculous." "Rubbish." "Poppycock!" "He's an exact replica, perfect in detail." " Exact replica, yes." " Thank you, duckie." "Anyway, tomorrow is the final test." "Oh?" "Mr. Brodny has arranged a cocktail." "But if Steed comes..." "We'll diveft him and you'll take his place." "Oh!" "So if Mrs. Peel accepts me as the real Steed..." "You'll have passed the test." "Go now." "We can't risk you two meeting." "We'll call you." "Just one point, old spoft." "If Mrs. Peel rumbles that there are two Steeds?" "There will be one less Mrs. Peel." "A bit risky leaving your guard dog behind, isn't it?" "He's not invited." "We may spot Psev." "He'll be there?" "Mingling amongst the guests." "Must be the telephone." "Hello, Steed's here." "A message for you." "Repoft ASP." "Room 6." "Urgent." "Goodness me!" "I'll be there." "I'm wanted." "And the pafty?" " You'd rather not?" " l might spot Psev." "He'll be there." "With his cigar and liquor." "And his aero model!" "Drop me off and take the car." "All right." "Make yourself at home, Major." "Take off that raincoat." "He can't do that!" "Oh!" "She should be here." "The clothes brush, and cigars!" "Hurry, the Colonel is waiting." "Mrs. Peel is here." "Great Scot!" "Steed's with her." "He's gone." "Call Webster!" " Your liquor." " Thank you." "I love the Cotswolds in this season." " Excuse me." " Mrs. Peel!" "So happy you could come." " That's nice!" " You're not smoking." " l don't see Steed." " He'll be here soon." "Excuse me, the cultural attaché..." " Aren't you ready?" " l can't move any faster." "From Vogel, in case of trouble." " Expecting any?" " Heaven forbid." "Be careful!" "Yes." "Very good, he's perfect." "The carnation!" " l know!" " All right." "He's coming." " Steed has arrived." " Oh?" "I made it!" " What's this?" " lt says "champagne" on the label." "Over chilled, as usual." "Miss me?" "Of course, Steed." "Great Scot!" " What is it?" " The carnation!" "Try this." "Your warmth has improved it." "What about that call?" "A final screening." "Will Fido be all right Saturday?" "Steed!" "Someone is dying to meet you." "Thousand pardons." "I'll be back." " What's wrong?" " This greenery, and aluminum." " Steed would never wear it." " l rather like it." "Fool." "Why not a stick of celery?" "Let me trim this foliage." "Anytime, duckie." "By the way, who's Fido?" "She asked about him." " Brodny, who is Fido?" " Fido..." " Don't you know?" " Fido..." " Quick, she's waiting." " Fi..." "Yes, got it!" " lt's a vintage motor car." " Yes!" " Shut up." " l hope you got it right." "Let's circulate." " Where were we?" " Fido." "Needed an oil change, but she'll be ready for the meeting." "Good." "Will you hang on to this?" "Hello Carson?" "Mrs. Peel." "Major?" "Major?" "As you were, Mrs. Peel." "She spotted me, gentlemen." "That lvenko!" "Seems a shame, but we'll have to dispatch her." "No." "In the Colonel's words:" ""A hostage in the hand" ""is wofth two in the tomb"." "lvenko!" "I was looking for you." "Lucky man, how I envy you!" "Right now, the trees are in blossom." "The smell of the pine forest..." "Your ticket." "Ticket?" "You're going home, lvenko." " Ambassador, I'm sorry..." " Forget it." "Happy journey." "Mr. Steed?" " Who's there?" " lvenko. I ask asylum." "I need protection." "If the government helps me, I have information." "I know who Psev is." "Psev?" "Where can we meet?" "Here, in the embassy gardens." "In half an hour." " Near the lake." " Fine." " Steed!" " Sh!" " Ready for broiling?" " Do you mind?" " l'll need a knife." " On the desk." " What happened?" " l was right about the double." "They were planning a swap, but I spotted him." "How?" "Well..." "I know you." " Do you?" " Come on." "Come on!" "You see?" "Perfect." "Webster, Gordon Webster." "We had a bad rehearsal yesterday." "We needed another one." "I wasn't fooled a minute." "Weren't you?" "Here..." "A map of London." "Steed's apaftment." "Duplicate key... and..." "You'll have to deal with Major Carson." "Order of precedence?" "Just do it." "Take Steed's pass and his briefcase." "Proceed to the ministry building... here." "The conference room is on the 3rd floor." "You can move about freely." "Take lots of photographs." "Simple:" "I set up my tripod, my flash... lt's a miniature camera." "Crafty!" "And chic." "You've worn it often, it was a gift from Mrs. Peel." " Very considerate." " Any questions?" "How do I get into Steed's?" "A car is waiting, then you'll drive..." "What is it?" "Well..." "Shouldn't someone in authority accompany Webster?" "Dear fellow, don't think I don't have immense faith in you." "immense." "It's just... I don't trust you." " Excellent suggestion, Ambassador." " Yes..." "You see... an assignment like this could be very dangerous." "It requires a man of tact." "Someone who thinks on his feet." "Please note that this suggestion, for the record, was my... idea." "No, not me." "No. I'd be no good at all." "I'm slow-witted." "Yes." "Mother always said to me:" ""Sergei Duchenko," ""you're slow-witted." As for tact..." " You're a diplomat." " But... lt's agreed then." "You'll accompany Webster." "Yes, comrade." "Congratulations!" "A chance to serve our country." "Perhaps to die for it." "We must repoft to the Colonel." "Never mind, you'll have a hero's funeral." " Remarkable resemblance." " Very good." "Your Adam's apple is larger, but I won't quibble." "Vogel was right." "I fooled you, didn't I?" "Be honest." "Christmas or bifthday?" "Or some other occasion?" "Watch the birdy!" "Devilish clever, foreigners." "Hope they don't tofture her." "Not for a moment." " She's our insurance." " Mr. Webster..." "Save it." "There's no money in patriotism." "To our success and my retirement." "Olé!" " Are you mad?" " lt's a custom." "Come, it's time." "Don't worry about Steed, he won't suffer." "Shall I phone from Steed's?" "No, we have our own methods." "Our ambassador will inform us." "Thanks, squire." "Brodny." "Hello." "Yes." "Stay put." "Yes, we're all tuned in." "Fine." "Webster's entered the building." "He'll be at the door in exactly... 15 seconds." "We have a front-row seat." "Josef, turn it up." "Mrs. Peel should hear." "He should be at Steed's in about 5 seconds..." "Four... three... two... one..." " Who are you?" " Steed, he's got an arm!" " Has he?" " Sh!" "He's in." "The conference ends at 4:30." "We have one hour to wait." "Mission completed." "They're returning." " lt was all my idea." " You'll be promoted." "You think so?" "You'll get the order of..." "you name it!" " Ah, Webster!" " Ah!" "Ah!" " Photos!" " Let's get rid of this." "Plan worked perfectly." "The Colonel is a genius." "The tie pin, please." "I'll take that." "Hands." "Pin." " The film!" " Not to worry." "I'll give the snaps to Colonel Bogey." " But..." " Altogether now." ""Safety in numbers"." "He's bashful, isn't he?" "No Psev, no photos." "Here you have a quaint saying:" ""Two heads are better than one"." "We prefer 4." "We are all Psev." "Pudeshkin." "Cypher expeft." "Shvedloff." "Sabotage et elimination." "Elena." "Finance and administration." "Vogel." "Planning and operations." "Your initials." "P-S-E-V." "Sure spells Psev!" "And now, Mr. Webster, the film." "Thank you." " Ready, Boris." " Good." "Keep moving, Mrs. Peel." " Your loyalties are confused." " Not at all." "Pity." "On your feet, Webster." "Steed." "Oh, no." "I know Steed." "Look, we guessed for Psev." "The initials!" "Percy and I set out to prove it." "The conference was a hoax." "A bait." "You're believing convinced them." "Look..." "Look in that briefcase." "Go on!" "It's connected to my telephone." "We recorded my voice and faked my death." "The broken glass was no accident!" "No you don't." "They're convinced." "Still not convinced?" "Turn around." "I'm convinced." "The bomber!" " She's out." " Can you reach Percy?" "I can try." "Here." "What's wrong?" "lnterference." "The radio control." "We're getting their frequency." "Then the plane can get ours." "Watch it." "Hold it, that works." "A problem!" "We're out of control." "Nicely timed, Mrs. Peel." "Changeable weather." " l beg your pardon." " The weather..." "There's some mistake." "My name isn't Mrs. Peel." "Sorry." "Steed!" "Subtitles by:" "Jeannie Taillat" "Processed by:" "B.B. COM" " Paris"