" Hey, baby." " Hey." "Paul, what are you doing?" "It's a surprise." "What is it?" "I don't like surprises." "Mm, you're going to love this one," "I promise." "Come on." "Where are we going?" "Tell me a clue." "Is it in the garage?" "Okay, you want a clue?" "Here's a clue." "A car." "A new car." " Is it that convertible I want?" " Maybe." "I thought you were mad with me." "How could anybody stay mad with you?" "You know, I would never really tell your ex-wife anything about your bank accounts." "Of course you wouldn't." "I say crazy things because I love you." "I love you, too." " Can I take it off?" " No." "Not yet." "Okay." "Now." "I don't understand." " There is no surprise." " Sure there is." "Okay, everybody, listen up." "You all know my wife Karen." " She's making a movie." " A documentary, Leland." "This is cinema verite." "Right." "It's for public television." "Um, about me." "It's about all of us." "Behind the scenes at a typical detective division." "The department figures it'd be a good idea, good P.R." "Just be yourselves." "Just pretend that we're not even here." "Chambers." "Good work on that robbery in North Beach." " You really nailed them." " I hope so." "I hate those punks." "Uh, we don't hate." "No, we don't really hate anybody." "We, um... we try to understand them." "the, uh, underlying causes, the, uh... particularly the minorities." "Captain, we got the prelim on that fire from the hair outlet." " Looks like arson." " That's what I thought." "Yes, sir, you were right, again." "I don't know how you do it you and your hunches." "Uh, what does the fire marshal have to say?" "Two points of origin." "And the test for artificial accelerant came back negative." "Uh, positive." "Could I, shall I go back and do that again?" "No, that's okay." "Uh, the question is why would anybody torch a wig factory?" "Does anybody have a motive?" "Probably the owner, for the insurance." "That's an interesting theory, Randy, but, uh, the, uh... the guy's dead, right?" "He died in the fire." "Right." "I forgot that." " Yeah." " Am I interrupting something?" "Commissioner." "No, what a pleasant surprise." "I'm sure it is." "What's going on?" "Oh, uh, they're filming a documentary about this division." " No kidding." " Yeah." "Yeah, the, uh, public relations thought that it would probably be good P.R." "To do an educational film." "How about good police work?" "That's the kind of P.R. we need." " You're right." " Maybe it's a good thing, because at least now, there'll be a record of me telling you to get your priorities straight." "What were you just talking about?" "Uh, the, uh, fire up on 24th Street, sir." " Oh, you mean this fire?" " Yes, sir." "You mean this story?" "Because I thought you might be working on this case." ""Body headless, police clueless."" "What page is this on?" " That's the front page." " That's right." "Front page, page 22." "Very important, not important." "Press are all over us, nobody cares." "What case do you think we should concentrate on, captain?" " The torso case." " Good choice." "And in case you forget, you can always rewind your tape and play it back. / Yeah." "Commissioner!" "Is there a suspect in the torso murder?" "We're working on the case 24/7." "It's our number one priority." "Can you identify the torso?" "She's female, Caucasian." "That's all we know." "The medical examiner will be issuing his own report in the morning." "Do you have any new leads?" "The investigation's at a critical stage right now, and I don't want to do anything or say anything that might compromise it, but I will say this." "we're going to find the monster who did this, and when we do," "I can personally guarantee that he'll be taken off the streets forever." " That's it for today." " How about a motive, sir?" "You, wake up!" "Let's go!" "What the hell?" "Don't just stand there!" "Do something!" " Are you okay, sir?" " Why wouldn't I be?" "That's insane." "Why would somebody steal your hat?" "How the hell do I know?" "College prank, maybe?" " Was it valuable?" " Forget the hat." "We got bigger things to worry about, detective." " The torso case, remember?" " Yes." "I want you to go down to the M.E.'s office, sit on the autopsy," " and let me know where we are." " Yes, sir." "Um, you remember Sharona Fleming, Adrian Monk." "I've asked Adrian in as a consultant I thought a fresh pair of eyes..." "Consultant?" "What the hell am I paying you for?" "I know Mr. Monk." "Do you remember the last time we met, Monk?" "You were lying under oath about a friend of mine." " John Marotta was a good cop." " Marotta planted that gun." " Well, that's a matter of opinion." " Well, not according to the jury." "Don't touch me." "As far as I'm concerned, Monk," "You're coming into this with two strikes." " Understand me?" " Yes, sir." "Yes, sir, I do." "Why are you still here?" "I can't stand that smell." "Disinfectant." " It doesn't bother you?" " No, no." "No, I like it." "Victim is a female Caucasian, 20 to 25 years of age." "All four extremities have been severed at a 45-degree angle," " posterior to anterior." " She's older." " Pardon me?" " She's at least 26." "She was raised in one of the Baltic states." "Estonia, Latvia, probably Lithuania." "Anything else?" "No, no, that's it." "Except the killer was a mountain climber, very experienced, and, uh..." "he's left-handed." "You can tell all of that from this?" "Well, that scar on her upper arm is from a smallpox vaccination." "It was common in the Baltic states." "They stopped vaccinating in 1978, so she had to have been born before then." " What about mountain climber?" " The fiber rope and the knot." "I believe it's called the Prusik knot." "Mountain climbers use it." "And it's tied with the top loop facing right, so of course, he's left-handed." "Of course." " Um..." " What?" " Well, um, uh..." " Oh, my God." "What did you do?" "There were, there were some crumbs in the, uh..." "No, no..." "My case files." " You've deleted all of them." " I'm sorry." "Is it true?" "He deleted 10 years' worth of forensic files?" "Yes, sir." "It was an accident." "He's an accident." "This is indefensible, captain." "Look, the files were almost all backed up." "They're trying to retrieve them now." "I don't care." "The man is toast." "He'll never work for this department, with this department, or in this department again. / Oh." "And I'm pulling his private license." " No, you can't do that." " It's already done." "Commissioner Brooks..." "Police work, detection, that's all Monk knows." "If you do that, it will kill him." "That's N.M.P. Not my problem." "You..." "You and I both know that this has nothing to do with a few deleted files." "This is payback because he testified against your pal." "Don't you second-guess me on this one, captain." "Adrian Monk's detective days are over." "Now, do you want to tell him, or should I?" "No, I'll tell him." "Sharona?" " Yeah?" "It's your friend Mr. Monk." "He's here again." "Oh, God." "Just hold on one sec, okay?" "He's out front." "He's been there for an hour." "Look, he's having a really tough week, okay?" "He just lost his job." "Sharona, you know how I feel about you." "You're the best nurse I ever trained, and you're welcome back anytime." "But he's out there every day, just sitting there." "It's kind of creepy." "It's not creepy." "He's just sad." "And creepy." "I guess he's both, okay?" " I'll go talk to him." " Thank you." "Would you like a cough drop?" "Cough drop?" "Here." "Ah." "Ah." "Adrian, what are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "He, he was coughing, the poor guy." "Come on." "Here, take this." "Take this." "Are you okay?" "What are you doing here?" "Have you talked to Stottlemeyer?" "I called him this morning." "The commissioner still hasn't changed his mind." "Adrian, I know you're scared, but you can't keep following me around like this." "I can't afford to lose two jobs in one week." " I just can't." " Where should I go?" "It's a beautiful day outside." "Why don't you try taking a walk?" "But you just can't stay here." "You're not allowed." "You are not a patient." "Actually, I haven't been feeling so good." "Really?" "I think I'm may becoming down with something." "I might have caught what he has." " So you want to be admitted?" " Well..." "Mm, then I have to take your temperature. / Okay." "It's not that kind of thermometer." "You know, I think I will take that walk." "Thought so." "Captain, we caught a break." " Swish." " Nice shot." "Thank you." "What do you got?" "I think we IDed the torso." "We got a report of a missing person." "Her name is Larysa Zeryeva, 29 years old." "Guess where she's from." "Uh..." "one of the Baltic states." " Which Baltic state?" " Uh..." "Estonia." "Latvia." " Lithuania?" " Lithuania." " Is there a DNA match?" " No, that's the problem." "We've got plenty of DNA from the torso, but we've got nothing to match it against." "We can't find a sample from the missing girl." " Okay, well, who filed this report?" " Uh..." "Ellen Harley." "Zeryeva was her housekeeper." "Get this." "Mrs. Harley is sure that her ex-husband Paul is somehow involved in the disappearance." "And guess what Paul was doing last summer." "Lieutenant, I'm not guessing anymore." "He was climbing Mount McKinley." "He's a mountain climber." "Monk nailed it." "You and Monk." "Congratulations, sir." "To both of you." "But mostly you." "Oh, oh, oh, and then..." " That's a leaf." " I know, but as long as you're here..." "You think you're better than me, sitting there pointing at leaves?" "I used to make 210 grand a year." "What, what happened?" "What happened?" "I'll tell you what happened." "I made a mistake." "I took a week off, and they realized they didn't need me anymore." "Okay, Mrs. Harley, let's start again." "When was the last time you saw her?" "I don't know." "I mean I can't remember." "This is very entertaining, captain, but, really, I got to get back to work," " so how much longer are you going to be?" " As long as it takes, Mr. Harley." "She's not here." "For the 500th time, we had a fight," "She left." "She went home." " You killed her." " Who says?" "My ex-wife?" "Larysa Zeryeva is alive and well." "She called me three days ago from Paris." "Check the phone records." "We already did." "Somebody called you from the Paris airport, but it wasn't her." "Captain, Monk's here." " He's where?" " He's outside in the garage." "What's he doing here?" "I don't know." "He's Monk." "For God's sake, Monk, what are you doing here?" "Okay, look, you can't stay." "The commissioner could be here any minute." "If he finds you here, we're both out of work." "This garage has been cleaned.." "scrubbed with bleach recently." "Yeah, you should see the house." "It's like a hospital in there." "You could almost live in it." " He's left-handed." " That's right." "He's a left-handed mountain climber." " Is he the guy?" " Oh, yeah, he's not only the guy, he's almost bragging about it." "We got a boatload of circumstantial evidence, but the DA will not move until we can ID the torso." "Hey, Monk." " How you doing?" " I'm doing great." "Really?" "Monk was just leaving." "What do you got?" "The ex-wife is absolutely 100% sure he killed her." "She gave me these photos." "Which one is the most recent?" " The one with the short hair." " This one?" "Yeah, it's a month old." "Should we publish it?" "Yeah, we might as well." "Somebody might have seen something." " Right." " Excuse me, cap, you know, they're cutting up my carpet in there, and that's imported shag, man." "Am I going to get reimbursed for that?" "Why don't you file a complaint with the county clerk?" "You killed her in here, didn't you?" "I know you." "You're that detective Monk." "Yeah, I've seen you on the news, man." "I've seen your work, too, on a table in a forensics lab." "Did you cut her up in here, too?" "I'll bet you did." "Do you own a chain saw?" "No." "But..." "You have a spare blade for a chain saw... and a space on your pegboard here for a chain saw, but no chain saw." "Oh, I had one." "It broke." "I tossed it." " When?" " I forget." "You know how DNA works, Mr. Harley?" "All we need is a speck... piece of fiber, piece of skin, a strand of hair that ties the torso they found to this house." "You think your house is that clean, mister?" "You don't know the meaning of clean." "So what are you saying?" "You forgot something." "You made a mistake, and I'm going to find it." "Roger that." "The commissioner's here." "He just pulled up." "Monk, you got to go." "Randy's going to take you out the back way." "Come on." "come on, come on, come on." "I must've walked for two, maybe three hours." "I don't even remember." "I, I just found myself there at the crime scene." "Well, it's understandable." "You've been a detective for a long time." "You can't just let that go." "I never appreciated how much the job meant to me." "I feel lost." "Nothing... fits." "You know, maybe it's a blessing." "An opportunity." "One of my favorite expressions is when God closes a window, he opens a door." "Do you believe that?" "Do I believe it's one of your favorite expressions?" "No." "Do you believe that change can be a positive thing?" "Huh." "I..." " I have a job interview tomorrow." " Really?" " That's, that's wonderful." " It's Sharona's idea." "It's at a magazine." "They're looking for a fact checker." "Perfect." "You excited?" "I'm scared to death." "It's my first job interview in 20 years." "You're going to be fine." "You just have to be your..." "Myself?" "Why don't we practice right now?" "Okay?" "I'll be the personnel director." "Who am I?" "You're you." "Fine." "Fine, I'll be me." "Okay." "Hello, Adrian." "Thank you for coming in." "Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?" "Well," "I was married for seven years until a car bomb killed my wife." "I've spent the last seven years trying to track down the people responsible for my wife's murder." " Do you have any hobbies?" " I do." "I spend my free time tracking down the people who planted the car bomb that killed my wife." "Okay, Adrian, just a little pointer here." "Maybe you don't have to keep mentioning the car bomb." "Okay." "I'll just say bomb." "Captain?" "The commissioner is on line one." "Uh..." "I'm busy." "I'll call him back." "Right." "Sir?" "Hi, yeah, he's a little bit busy right now." "Could he call you back..." "Yes, sir." "Speaker phone." "He wants us both to hear this." "Commissioner, hi, I was just about to call you." "Why?" "To tell me how you're screwing up the case?" "I have a press conference tomorrow morning." "What can I tell them?" "Do we have a suspect?" "Not officially, sir." "We still cannot link Paul Harley to the torso." "You can't find a single follicle or fiber?" "We're still at the house, sir." "We're still looking." "It's probably right under your nose." "Where did you get your badge, captain?" "in a box of cracker jacks?" "Are you a police captain or not, hmm?" "Yes, I am, sir." "Then act like one, or I'll find someone who will." "Yes, sir, thank you." "I'll talk to you later." "I'm not even sure that was the commissioner." "Randy, give me a moment here?" "You, too, boomer." "Thank you." "Honey..." "So..." "how do you think it's going?" "It's great." "This is some of the best footage I've ever gotten." "So, how do you think it's going?" "Karen, it was a big, big mistake." "Then why did you agree to do it?" "Because you were relentless." "You kept coming at me." "And I, I guess I was flattered that you asked." "Because I love you." "But, honey, I have hit a wall with this case." "I haven't got Monk." "I've got the commissioner all over me." "It's embarrassing." "Wait, is that thing on?" "It's all part of it, Leland." "This is a documentary." "Karen, please." "Leland, this is the most important thing I've ever done in my entire life, and to stop now would destroy me, but if you want me to..." "I will." "No, it's okay." "It's okay." "Are you okay?" "I'm fine, thank you." "The chair is a little wobbly." "You'd think it would bother me, but it doesn't." "Let's see, Adrian Monk." "When did you fill this out?" "Just now in the waiting room." "But it's typed." "No, ma'am, I, I used a pencil." "This is the neatest handwriting I've ever seen." "Thank you." "Sharona said I should start off with a joke to break the ice." " Who's Sharona?" " My nurse." " Do you like Marmaduke?" " Who?" "He's in the comics." "He's a dog." "But he's big." "He's the biggest dog in the world." "Today... he got stuck in the doggie door again." "And the man said," ""at least this time, he's facing the right way."" "You can learn a lot from Marmaduke." "I think I just did." "Mr. Monk, what would you say is your greatest strength?" "Oh." "Mm... my decisiveness." " Would you like another chair?" " No." "I'm fine." "I'm normal." "I'm a normal person." "I see here you worked as a consultant for the police department." "That must've been very exciting." "Um, have you ever done any fact checking?" "Um, no, ma'am, unless you count this morning." "What happened this morning?" "Well, Sharona took me to the library to look at some back issues of your magazine." "I found a few mistakes." "I... page 32, "the building was decimated."" "Technically inaccurate." "Decimate means "to reduce by 1/10th."" " Deci-mate." " Wow." "And you did all this this morning in the library." "How many magazines did you read?" "One." "Just that, just that one." "One." "Wow." "It's a gift." "And, and a curse." "I can see that." "Do you have any questions for me?" "Just, uh, yes." "If, if I get the job, will this be my chair?" "Not while I'm here." "Adrian?" "Adrian!" "Adrian." "Are you okay?" "You know, I..." "I, I've been worrying about you." "Me too." "Did you go on the interview?" "Was it that bad?" "It was pretty bad." "Adrian, I am so sorry." "But you know what?" "The most important thing is that you did it." "So don't be so discouraged." "I mean, there's a million other jobs out there." "I got the job." "What?" "I start on Monday." "$42,000 a year, plus a medical plan?" "Four weeks paid vacation and a dental plan?" "You got that on your, on your first interview?" " How did you do that?" " I don't know." "Did you tell her that Marmaduke joke?" "You told her that stupid joke, and now you have a medical plan?" "I'm sorry." "Adrian, I didn't mean that." "I'm really happy for you." "Really." "Congratulations." "What's the problem?" "It's a great job." "I had a great job." "I was a cop." "That's all I ever wanted to be." "I couldn't fix the whole world." "I knew that." "But I could fix..." "little pieces of it." "One little piece at a time." "Put things back together." "Sharona, I, I need it." "I need it." "I miss it." " I miss it so much." " Hey." "I miss it, too." "It's, it's gonna kill me." "Every time I watch the news or read a newspaper or..." "I'm gonna wish I was there." "Even a stupid story like..." ""the mad hatter"" ""The mad hatter"?" "Yeah, remember somebody grabbed the commissioner's hat?" "Well, he did it again at a parking garage downtown." " Was it the same guy?" "They don't know." "He got away." "But at least he got his hat back this time." "Well, he grabbed the commissioner's hat twice and dropped it?" "He, he didn't want it?" " What?" " I just solved the case." "Wait, wait, wait, you figured out who grabbed the hat?" "The other case, the big one." "The torso murder and the commissioner's hat." " They're both connected." " They are?" "Sharona, they're gonna have to rehire me." "They're gonna have to." " Adrian, what are you doing?" " I solved the case!" "Yeah, I know, but..." "What are you doing?" "I'm happy." "I'm doing a jig." " That's not a jig." " What is it, then?" "You know what?" "I don't know." "And I don't wanna know." "I'm back, baby!" "I'm back!" "Where's the captain?" "He said it was urgent." "We're in here, commissioner." "What's going on?" " What's he doing here?" " He's here as my guest." "We have an arrest warrant for Paul Harley." "It's all filled out and ready to roll." "So you finally found some DNA." " You can finally identify the torso." " Yes, sir." "So, what are you waiting for?" "We're waiting for you, commissioner." "Why are you smiling?" "You'll find out soon enough." "Mr. Monk... why don't you tell us why we're all here?" "Paul Harley killed his girlfriend Larysa Zeryeva." "He cut her up and dumped her body into the bay." "He cleaned his house." "He scrubbed, he dusted." "He wiped away any trace of her... until she disappeared." "And then he must've found something, a piece of paper... that scared him half to death." "Well, what was it?" "It was a receipt from the hair outlet on 24th street." "They make wigs from human hair." "Larysa had very long hair." "A month before she was murdered, she cut it all off." "We all saw the picture." "She sold her hair to a wigmaker." " Lots of women do that." " The hair outlet." " Isn't that the place that..." " That burned down last week." " That's right." " Harley was in trouble." "He knew there was a wig out there somewhere made from Larysa's hair..." "a wig full of her DNA." "He had to get it back before we tracked it down." "So he broke into the hair outlet, killed the owner... and he rifled through the sales receipts until he found what he needed." "And then destroyed the evidence." "Or...tried to." "We got lucky." "Some of the records survived the fire." "We know who bought Larysa's hair." "So, who is it?" "Where's the wig?" "It's not a wig." "It's a toupee." "Hmm." "It's your toupee, sir." "A toupee." "Your toupee." " I don't know what you're talking about." " Come on, it's a rug." " What, are you gonna deny it?" " I don't wear a toupee." "It was Paul Harley that was grabbing your hat." "Except he wasn't after your hat." " He was trying to grab your..." " Head doily." " I can see it from here." " This is my own hair." "You mean you would let a murderer a man who killed two people in cold blood walk... because, because you refuse to admit that you're wearing a piece?" "I get it." "You're trying to embarrass me in front of the camera." "Nobody's trying to embarrass you, commissioner, but I am going to rip that hairpiece off of your head." "It is a critical piece of evidence." "You wouldn't dare." " Are you sure?" " 100%" "93 to 94%." "74%." "Are you finished?" "Okay." "The answer is...yes." "You, my friend, are finished in every sense of the word!" "74% is good enough for me." "Aah, get off me, get off me!" "Get her off me!" "You said it was right under our noses." "Lieutenant." "I think the lab is looking for that." "You can edit this out, right?" "This doesn't have to be in the movie." "Well, I don't know, commissioner." "It's a pretty amazing scene, you know." "I'd hate to lose it." "What can I say?" "It's cinema verite." "Isn't there anything I can do?" "Actually, commissioner, there is one thing." "Do you remember my friend Adrian Monk?" "And action!" "Cover the back." " Keep your eyes open." " Yes, sir." "Paul Harley?" "Open up." "San Francisco P.D." "Good morning, Paul." "Step out on the porch, please." "I have a warrant here." "A warrant here for your arrest for the premeditated murder of Larysa Zeryeva." "Lieutenant, take this piece of garbage downtown." "With pleasure." "You're under arrest, Mr. Harley." " Get him outta here!" " Let's go." "You know, captain, it's moments like these that I remember why I joined the force." "I realized that's where I belonged." "I belong behind the badge." "Nevermind." "Lieutenant, just... go downtown." "Book him." "What did you think?" " You're a star." "You're my star." " Thank you." " That was great." " Thanks." "Good versus evil... it's just more of a constant struggle between right and wrong." "Good and evil, it's the oldest struggle in the world." "Am I afraid of dying?" "Everybody dies." "Dying is just a part of living." "But when I go," "I'm gonna go with my badge held high and then to my house justified... because it's my life." "My life behind the badge."