"In new york city's war on crime, the worst criminal offenders are pursued by the detectives of the major case squad." "These are their stories." "Morgan." "Pretentious." ""sophie."" "Hmm, too italian." ""mavis."" "Too jewish." "Okay, then I have "morgan."" "Can I have "morgan," please?" " What's in it for me?" " Please, please, please?" " What is in it for me?" " Oh!" "Linda." "Come and get me." "I'm waiting." " Hmm." "Linda, you want the rest of the bellinis?" "do you want the rest of..." "Are you gonna" "Linda?" "Linda!" "S-s-s..." "Something awful happened." "I think I shot my wife." "All right, take it easy." "Take it easy, okay?" "We're gonna get someone to help you." " No, no!" " Hey, wait a minute!" "Hey!" "Hey, wait!" " No!" "Aah!" "Whoa." "C.O.D. Is a single gunshot wound to the heart." "Nothing in her pockets." "Maybe robbed?" "Uh, there's an indentation on her finger;" "A wedding or engagement ring." "Well, I don't know about robbed." "They wouldn't have left this necklace." "There's no bullet hole in the shirt." "She was dressed post-mortem, but the fly's unzipped." "You know, 'cause it's nice." "It's a verdura or a bulgari." " Big ticket item." " Yeah." "The stains on her hands look like varnish." "Yes." "Well, maybe she was doing some kind of crafts." "You know, pottery or collage or paper mache," "Or something like that, so she took off the ring." "Detectives, there's a 7-series beemer" "Sitting in the middle of the marina parking lot." "You might want to have a look-see." "Varnish again." "What's it smell like?" "250 bucks a pound." "It's bellinis." "Made with imported white peaches" "Instead of liqueur." "And latex." "Oh, no, no." "That's- -that's me, I think." "Yep." "Ted and linda, that's their car." "You know the owners of this car?" "Yeah." "The stoddards." "I run the marina." "They got a 42-foot rhodes yawl." "A classic." "They come out every Thursday and work on it." "Ted sells medical equipment." "Got me a blood pressure thing half-price." "Oh, yeah?" "This explains the varnish stains." "Oh." "High tax bracket, but they're do-it-yourselfers." "People like puttering around their boats." "Ted and linda were into keeping this yar." ""yar"?" " Looking good." " "yar"?" "Doesn't katharine hepburn say that in philadelphia story?" "She says it to-- - jimmy stewart." "To jimmy stewart." "That's right." "Yah--yar." " Detectives?" " Yes." "Car's registered to a theodore stoddard." "No priors, wants, or warrants." "Current address is listed as 429 lafayette." "This was thrown at the mirror." "A hospital gown." "The mud and dirt match the spot," "So I'm guessing it was mr." "Stoddard." "What, he didn't like wearing it?" "Watch winders." "People are actually that lazy?" "Well, some really fine watches have to be constantly wound." "The question is, where are these--these three?" "Hello." "What's this?" " Hmm." " Hmm." "Money bands." "Hmm." "Hey." "Hey, good eye, detective." "Look at that." " Oh." "Hmm." "Her passport, but his is missing." "Really?" "So money, passport, and valuable watches" "That could probably be sold." "He's skipping the country." "This guy is on the run." "Stomach contents were herring, duck pate," "And peach-flavored champagne." "Bellinis." "We found a thermos." "Drinks bellinis, but no manicure?" "There's sawdust under her nails." "There are vague restraint marks" "On her ribs, calves, and wrists." "Also these." "Look like suction cup marks." "Yeah." "With traces of mastisol." "It's an adhesive used to keep contact disks in place." "The killer took her vital signs?" "Maybe since stoddard sold medical equipment." "Okay, so, uh," "They spend the afternoon sipping bellinis" "While they varnish and sand." "And a little afternoon delight?" "Dr. Feelgood dons a hospital gown" "And hooks her to a heart monitor," "And the sounds of her vital signs" "Awaken cabin boy," "But something goes wrong." "He shoots her and runs home," "Grabs his passport and his fancy watch collection," "And, uh, charters a flight to zurich." "The flight to zurich's" "The only part of that that makes sense." "Examine stoddard's finances" "And put a warrant out on him." "Hey, serena, look at this." "Ten minutes after opening bell," "Stoddard's broker liquidated all his mutual fund holdings." "I wonder where they went." "Here's something of interest." "I entered single gunshot wounds with restraint marks" "And the presence of mastisol" "From suction cups on the victim." "You're not gonna tell me it's commonplace." "Three killings over a four-year span." "The oldest was in st." "Louis, 4/16/06." "52-year-old female." "C.O.D., gunshot wound to the head." "Well, the mastisol" "Could have been from the emts at the scene." "Which brings us to a case in the bronx, on 3/18/08." "Dead for over six hours before the body was found." "The emts didn't put the mastisol there." "Wait a minute." "This case is closed." "This man was shot by his wife, veronica kalen." "She's been serving 12 to 15 in bayview ever since." "Will talking to yous iget me out of here?" "Not easy." "Your own admission of guilt got you in." "Only to avoid a life sentence." "I did not murder my husband." "I loved the guy." " Yeah." "Well, that's- - that's a good place to start." "Um, ronnie, tell us what really, really happened." "My husband and I salsa danced every Tuesday night." "We were the first couple on the floor," "The last to leave." "Lee had a circulation problem," "So I would go down to the car to warm it up for him." "That's where I got grabbed." "You got grabbed?" "Uh, before yr husband came out?" "Yeah, om behind." "He put something over my nose that knocked me out." "You couldn't see where he took you?" "I was out." "I woke up." "Lee and me were strapped to these big, wooden chairs," "Facing each other." "There was wires coming off of us." "And then he gives Ieeland this ultimatum:" "Shoot me and he gets to live." "Refuse..." "And lee refused." "He had some real stones, my husband." "Son of a bitch blew his brains out," "And I'm suffering for it." "Ronnie, while he was waiting for your husband" "To make this choice," "Um, did the killer do anything," "Uh, strange or--or kinky?" "You know..." "You mean, like, sexually?" "Yeah, did he take his clothes off or fondle you or--?" " No." " Masturbate or--?" "No." "No." "The only weird thing was that hospital band." "Hospital band?" "After he shot Ieeland, he dosed me again." "And when I woke up," "He had put this hospital band on my wrist." "What happened to the hospital band?" "Cops took it." "Evidence." "You actually believe this whole playing doctor scenario?" " Some of it." " Not all of it." "No, no, try not canceling each other out." "You first." "Well, we know that stoddard sold medical equipment," "But we also found a discarded hospital gown" "In his bathroom." "And ronnie kalen's abductor" "Put a medical bracelet on her." "We're talking about a woman serving 15-to-life" "Who lied about the disappearance of her husband." "You know, she's probably on with her attorney right now," "Trying to leverage this into a new trial." "Come on, captain." "The bracelet is too much of a coincidence." "If she's telling the truth and that's in evidence" "So I've got to call and rattle the cages on a closed case?" "Oh, all right." "I'll talk to evidence." "In the meantime, huh?" "Shake a leg on those other killings that I got from vicap." "Find stoddard and show me something." "Something that helps build a profile" "On who this guy actually is." "It's so interesting." "Look at this." "Every time this guy gets the ball, in the red," "He stops at the top of the key," "Fakes like he's gonna pass it," "And then takes the shot for himself, every time." "You know, I'm not sure if this is what callas meant" "When she said, "shake a leg."" "This is part of my routine." "Helps me think." "And you thought it might help me think." "No harm, no foul." "Maybe it's just one of those things" "That, uh, we don't have in common, you know." "But it is interesting." "You know, if you watch these guys" "And their habits," "You can kind of predict the outcome." "You know, I've never really been" "That much into basketball." "No, it's not really about basketball." "It's about routine." "Outcome, routine." "I need something more" "Trust." "Trust me." "You can't see it." "I can't see it yet." "But it's in there." "The kalens, the stoddards." "Here." "What might link them is predictable routine." "Huh." "Mm-hmm." "Here." "Look at that." "Every time, he takes it in." "Puts it in." "The stoddards." "Their routine." "I see that." "Every Friday, they worked on their boat." "Yeah, yeah, and for ronnie and lee," "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, kick," "Salsa dancing every Thursday." "Which, by the way, if the salsa place served alcohol," "Was probably a violation of her probation." " Probation?" " Yeah, ronnie kalen." "Before she killed her husband," "She had a prior for possession." "Cocaine." "Both couples had a routine." "No, wait." "No, both couples had something in common." "Ronnie kalen was seeing a probation officer." "The stoddards were candidates to adopt." " Social services." " Uh-huh." "A social worker would have access to addresses," "Histories, details about anybody in the system." "But if the killer does what ronnie kalen described," "Why leave survivors?" "'cause it's all about choice." "And killing them invalidates the choice." "Trust." "Wow." " Detective?" " Huh?" "I had graphics make a photo enlargement for you." "Happy hunting." "Thank you." "Thanks." "The hospital bracelet, what does it mean?" "Uh, you're--you're the linguistic savant." "You tell me." "I have no idea." "Really?" "I thought you read arabic and" "A language spoken by millions of people." "Only one person reads this one." "Serena, I'm disappointed in you." "Can I redeem myself by telling you" "That ronnie kalen's probation officer" "Is definitely not a suspect?" "Really?" "Going out on a limb there?" "He died of pancreatic cancer six months ago." "Oh, and the stoddards?" "Their request to adopt was approved" "By a county psychiatric evaluator." "Name was dr." "Abel hazard." ""hazard, abel p." ""d.O.B. 10/16/66." "Current address, 17 east 81st street."" "Upper east side on a social worker's salary?" "Holds title on a 2010 ford transit van." "Sure doesn't seem like the van type." "Mm-mm." "Check this." "He reported over $3 million in taxable income last year." "Investment income from a trust fund." "Hmm." "He's got rich people's disease too." "Yeah, he's cheap." "Credit report." "A judgment for stopping payment" "On a $5,000 check to midland hardware." "What's a milling lathe?" "A milling lathe?" "It's a, uh, machine used for woodworking." "My uncle had one." "Made a bunk bed for me and my brother." "I didn't know you had a brother." " Yeah." " Younger or older?" "Older." "We should get down to, uh, social services." "I-I don't recognize him, no." "His name is ted stoddard." "He and his wife wanted to adopt and you" "The stoddards, yes." "Well, I accepted their eligibility filing." "Why?" "What's happened?" "Mrs. Stoddard was murdered." "Her husband's missing." "Oh, no." "Whew." "I..." "I only met them the, the one time," "By accident, on an elevator." "Uh, they seemed like a nice couple." "Our, our field workers do the actual interviews." "Sounds a little impersonal" "If you're determining who qualifies for parenthood." "Yeah." "Department policy frowns on any contact" "With the applicant until the supervisor makes his decision." "Mm-hmm." "That sounds right." "Uh, dr." "Hazard, may I ask," "Were you involved at all in a case" "With somebody named ronnie kalen?" "Uh, yes, that woman who made up that bizarre story" "About her husband's shooting." "I--I was interviewed by a forensic psychiatrist" "Regarding her fitness to stand trial." "Actually, I meant before." "She was convicted on a prior drug charge" "And granted conditional probation." "Mm, yeah, sorry, no." "I, I didn't handle that." "Then why did the forensic psychiatrist ask you about her?" "Oh, we were old friends." "He wanted an extra set of eyes," "So I weighed in." "Nice." "Wow, this is- that's a beautiful desk." "Oh, why, thank you." "Yeah." "Huh." "Feel that." "Smooth as silk." "It's yar." "This whole building's gray on gray." "How did you wrangle this?" "Uh, my grandfather built it." "My family manufactured fine furniture in vienna." "I've been told that albert speer" "Drafted his plans for the olympic stadium on this desk." "Really?" "Your grandfather built this for him?" "It saved his life." "My father's too." "They survived the camps together." "Thanks." "Airport police just arrested ted stoddard" "At the private charter terminal at jfk." "Well, if I can be of any help..." "Thanks." "Hmm." "The timer was ticking away and, uh..." "I was terrified and..." "I began screaming." "And then I heard a shot." "And, uh, my eyes were closed," "But I--but I knew..." "I knew, because I was alive" "And I wished that I could die." "You don't believe me." "You don't believe me." "We just need to hear everything." "I loved linda." "We were, uh..." "We were adopting a child." "The little girl." "We know." "After the shot was fired, what happened next?" "He just-- he walked over to the" "The video cameras" "And he just-- he turned them off." "He videotaped everything?" "I think so." "There was, uh, the red light." "It stopped blinking." "And there were- there were other machines," "Measuring, uh, vitals, and they were still going" "When I passed out." "What's the next thing you remember?" "I woke up in central park, naked," "In a-- in a hospital gown." "Hmm." "Yes, this" "It was in my pocket," "And I gave it to the police." "He had--he put it on my wrist." "Actually, that comes off of somebody else's wrist." "This one is yours." "They're identical." "Then every..." "It really happened." "You--you believe me." "You--you believe that..." "There's too many left here." "I mean, geez." "He gets- he gets it wrong here." "There's too many of them left." "See, milgram was a scientist" "Who set out to prove that obedience to authority, uh," "Overwhelms conscience." "It established his preeminence in social psychology." "To make his mark, milgram designed" "This landmark essay on human cruelty." "An experimental subject is told to shock an unseen person." "Now when the subject resists," "He is told he has no choice." "He must obey orders." "Wrong." "195 volts." "Dance." "Aah!" "It all happened at yale." "The screams came from actors," "But the subjects believed that they were real," "That they were torturing people." "Look, some of them even enjoyed it." "How do I feel?" "He was getting the shock." "I feel all right." "There will be intimacy." "Here, let me just..." "Finish this..." "It's your five grand, hon." "Whatever you want." "Shock levels were automatically recorded" "By an event recorder" "Wired directly into the shock generator." "That is incorrect." "This will be a 330." "Ow!" "All this fake screaming." "You don't put people in simulations of conflict." "You put people in conflict." "These are the dates of these murders." "Uh, the date when linda stoddard was killed." "This is when Ieeland kalen was killed." "Now, imagine that these are a couple of sentences." "Follow me." "This symbol-- uh, this hand symbol," "Is a gun." "So, uh, this says, "will ted shoot linda?"" ""will ronnie shoot Ieeland?"" ""in the" and these symbols" "Indicate where the victim is to be shot," "Depending on which is underlined." "So the smiley face represents the head." "Yep." "Pretty dark sense of irony." "Yes." "Dark, dark." "Now this, uh, closed file, underlined," "Indicates that the killer" "Has finished chronicling this event." "Now this symbol, it's a laptop camera." "Underlined, it means both these sessions" "Were visually recorded." "Now, this--it drove me absolutely nuts." ""cts," underlined." ""cnts," not underlined." "I had no idea." "But it finishes both these sentences." "So now, watch this." ""will ted shoot linda in the heart?"" ""will ronnie shoot Ieeland in the head?"" "Yes, he chose to shoot." "Yes, she chose to shoot." "But that doesn't match what ronnie kalen said." "In her case, he chose to shoot." "Uh..." "I think only she lied." "Yes, yes." "She lied." "She was given the choice, and she shot her husband." "She told it the other way" "To make herself seem more innocent." "So who murdered these people?" "It's a convenient fiction." "Innately, all human behavior is self-serving." "So love, caring for others," "You deny that exists?" "What is this?" "Serena found this on youlens." "Dr. Abel hazard." "He published an article on politics." "His premise, freedom of choice" "Is contrary to human nature." " Simplify the choice- - their life or someone else's" "In a clinical, clean, experimental environment," "They will always choose survival." "Dr. Hazard, if, god forbid, you ever tested that theory," "You'd be wrong." "We're out of time, dr." "Hazard." "He's taught classes" "And given long-term social services training seminars" "In all the places where these killings occurred." "And his experiment" "That he's almost going to talk about there" "Is what he did to ted stoddard and ronnie kalen." "Forced them to make this horrifying choice." "Social services worked well for him." "He had access to everything." "Wouldn't he have put hospital bands" "On the victims as well?" "Oh, I think he did, but he cut them off." "And leave them on living witnesses?" "That doesn't make sense." "Yeah, well, I think he wants" "An element of credulity" "For the stories he knew they'd tell," "A hint of what only he can reveal to the world." "I'm gonna need a search warrant, emma." "Uh, kallman." "Captain callas." "No sign of foul play or traces of blood." "No abnormal levels of ammonia or alkaloid phosphates." "He didn't try to scrub evidence." "The place is clean, captain." "Thank you." "clearly a disappointment." "It's a beginning." "Not unlike what you do." "It starts with a premise." "Without empirical proof, it's nothing." "We'll find it." "We won't make it up." "He won't stop." "He thinks what he's doing is very important." "So does judge rickenbakker." "He just granted mr." "Hazard" "A cease-and-desist injunction" "Forbidding police surveillance." "Well, you know, captain," "The victims talk about this wood smell" "And the heavy wooden chairs." "He bought a milling machine." "It's someplace." "Yeah, well, whatever mr." "Hazard is doing" "Has some origin in his life." "Now his parents, his grandparents were survivors," "So maybe, maybe we start with the camps." "Since abel hazard's father and grandfather" "Were both survivors of the holocaust," "It's not such a wild guess to think" "That, uh, he might be carrying around" "More furniture than just that desk." "Hasam, mm, hazan..." "No--no hazard." "Okay." "What if "hazard" was a translation?" "Could be hebrew, or perhaps, if he was sephardic," "It could be ladino or spanish." "But he doesn't look sephardic." " No." "Well, abel said that the family business was in vienna," "So I'm thinking maybe more likely yiddish or german." "Um..." "You know what I'm thinking about?" "You know when you- -when you're driving in the alps" "On those icy roads, you see signs." "You see signs with two words." ""gefahr" is the last one." "There's a word preceding it." "It means "caution."" ""vorsicht," "vorsicht." "" type in "vorsicht."" "No "vorsicht, " but "vorsichtiger."" "Leon, born September 24th, 1925." "Oh, trade "cabinet maker."" "And he survived." "Yeah, and he gives an interview on tape." "1976." "Tape." "This way." "Dr. Kogel, he wanted him gone." "But my father made a dresser for an officer," "And that officer decided" "My father was worth keeping alive." "Dr. Kogel, he was a physician?" "Yes, they were all doctors" "Who picked who lived and who died." "But later, herr dr." "Kogel told me" "That one of my parents had to go," "And I would decide which one." "Hmm." "But I couldn't." "I wouldn't choose." "And then kogel told this officer" "To shoot all three of us." "But the officer" "He interceded." "Yeah, he shouted at my father." "He demanded him to choose, hmm?" "Him or my mother." "Yes." "Dr. Kogel enjoyed this game." "What happened next?" "My father..." "Survived the camps." "We do this to keep the history from vanishing," "But I wish it would vanish." "Why, mr." "Vorsichtiger?" "Oh, my son." "I was so happy when he was born." "But as he grew older, well," "There I was again, at age ten," "Right in front of me." "And it came back." "The memory?" "No, the choice." "I had to tell him" "My father's story," "Make him know that under some circumstances," "There can be no shame." "I think abel" "Wants everybody to feel what he felt." "He thinks that it's something he can prove." " Take away his shame." " Mm-hmm." "So now we may have some understanding of why." "But we don't have proof." "Altruism, loyalty," "Even feelings of profound affection vanish" "When faced with the simple deductive choice" "Of life or death." "I apologize." "The selection process is extreme," "But the rigors of science" "Science?" "What?" "Instruments now monitor your heart rate," "Gsr, all vital signs." "This is important." "What the hell are you doing?" "You--I'm explaining that." "You are subjects" "In a socio-psychological experiment." "And since the last test was female," "Tonight the subject is male." " No, no." " Ted." "he's going to kill us." "Now, mr." "Stoddard" "Will be presented with a simple choice." "He will have 25 seconds in which to decide" "Between killing his wife" "Or being killed himself." "T-t-t" "No, no." "T-t-ted." "Ted. - 20 seconds." "Ted, you can't do it, please." "Ted!" "No!" "Aah!" "Hey." "Hey, I hope you don't mind." "I'm using your computer." "Actually, I've made a discovery." "Look at this." "Uh, abel's birth was registered" "As abel vorsichtiger." "He anglicized it to hazard 15 years ago." "And this is relevant because..." "As abel vorsichtiger, four years ago," "He bought a house in westchester." "323 willow drive." "Do I hear a train?" "You know, the use of a, uh, different name" "Could give us probable cause for a warrant." "It's a hard sell, but you with our captain," "One on one, two women, you know." "So I pull some gender thing" "And you're doing what?" "Going there and breaking in?" "You have my solemn word I won't do that." "Your solemn word?" "I guess it's time I tested that." "Hmm." "Alone?" "Yes, I am, actually." "Hey, I just peeked." "You do all this amazing work" "In the family tradition, do you?" "Yeah." "Come." "I'll give you the tour while I call my lawyer" "And tell him you violated the injunction." "Seems a fair deal." "I've got to apologize for my lack of compassion." "I saw the testimony that your father gave." "It's a story I've heard many times before." "Unfortunate that his pain was passed to you." "So it ends here." "I don't have children." "Still, you passed it to others." "Ted stoddard, ronnie kalen." "I-I feel sure that my legacy" "Will justify some inconvenience" "To a few individuals." "Your legacy?" "You're not gonna have any legacy in science." "Is that what you're talking about?" "You're making judgments about human nature" "Without any proof." "There is proof," "And when the time is right, I will show it." "When the time is right?" "How about now?" "What's wrong with now?" "I'm here." "I'm willing." "Uh-huh, that's what I thought." "Face it, you did two trials." "Yes, ted stoddard shot his wife" "In order to save himself." "It fits your theory." "But leland kalen died" "Refusing to shoot his wife." "They cancel each other out." "So, inconclusive." "Bauhaus, is this?" "Bauhaus?" "Werkbund." "My grandfather could build bauhaus in his sleep." "Ugh." "The junk that passes for quality these days." "There's no artistry." "There's no structure." "It's--it's meaningless." "Meaningless." "Yeah, well, that brings us back to your theory." "You know, the social sciences nowadays," "With the blogs and kooky websites," "Motivational speakers." "None of that has any bearing on what I do." "You can't bolster flawed theory, abel." "Kammerer, with miller, with him, I'm sure," "Doctored those toads" "In order to disprove evolution." "Lysenko faked his results under stalin," "Had all his critics murdered." "Flawed science is no science." "But my results are definitive." "If I'm such a monster," "Aren't you a little afraid?" "No." "My mistake was thinking that actually" "You maybe had something to hide." "But you got no proof." "I have recorded data." "It has been checked and rechecked." "Come on, if you had it, you'd show it." "Your so-called experiments were a flop." "All right." "All right." "20 seconds." "Ronnie, no, please." "It's me!" "Ronnie, no, no, no, no, no, no!" "No, ronnie, no!" " I'm sorry!" "Ronnie, no!" "Oh, god, no!" "aah!" "Proof." "Was it enough?" "In true science, repeatability is everything." "It's okay." "There." "It's okay, it's okay." "It's okay." "Aah!" "All done under the most stringent of circumstances." "Nothing manipulated or altered." "Age, sex, religion, income, race," "All painstakingly factored in." "Five years, nine different cities." "Out of ten trials," "Only one subject shows selfless altruism" "And that was only because of their age." "Yeah." "You know who observed that also?" "The nazis." "And they recorded it." "Just like you, it's their legacy," "Which you have successfully carried forward." "No." "This is my work." "Your work?" "Dr. Kogel could have shown us this." "Dr. Mengele with his experiments on twins." "These are my validations." "They had validations at a cost of suffering" "And human lives." "And what did their experiments prove, abel, huh?" "The nazi scientists, what did their experiments prove?" "You have no right to" "I have every right to compare you to your colleagues." "That much you have proven." "What did your nazi colleagues..." "Give to science?" "The same thing that you've given to science." "Nothing." " No." "After all of my work, you cannot compare me with them." "Just because you've been brutalized by others" "Does not mean that brutalizing others is compulsory." "Maniac." "And what happened to your family" "Is too unfathomably complicated to even go into." "What is all this?" "Part of this moron's efforts" "To prove something that, in science," "Failed miserably, but is gonna be of great value" "In convicting him of murder." "No." "I have proven selfless behavior is a myth." "No one has a choice." "Tell him about his choices." "You may choose to remain silent." "It is your right." "You may also choose a lawyer." "If not, one will be provided for you." "Ronnie kalen didn't waste any time." "Let me guess." "She wants a new trial?" "And damages for the time she's already served." "Yeah." "Come on, she's guilty." "Well, you know, it's a valid question" "How anybody'll act under those circumstances." "Are you buying into abel hazard's theory?" "Certainly not." "People rush into fires." "They jump in front of trains." "They leap into shark-infested waters." "Who doesn't want to think" "That they could sacrifice their own life" "To save somebody else's?" "It goes to the core of our humanity, but" "But no one knows what they'd do" "Until something actually happens." "Yeah." "Suddenly we find out who we really are." "But maybe it isn't who we want to be."