"THE DECAMERON" "Don't kill me!" "Who's that?" "Andreuccio." "I knew him as a boy, and his father as well, the richest man in my village." "A great lord!" "Now he lives near Rome." "His son has come to Naples to buy horses." "Look at this!" "Stop frowning!" "Hello!" " Please, sir!" " Me?" "A pretty lady wants to see you." " With all my heart!" " Then come with me." "She's waiting for you." " Go!" " Follow me." "Please." " Welcome, Andreuccio!" " The pleasure is all mine." "Andreuccio, come." "Let us sit down here." "You must be surprised that I welcome you, kiss you and weep." "You will be even more surprised to learn that we are brother and sister." "Your father, Pietro, met a rich widow in Palermo." "She loved him and sacrificed her honour for him." "I was born of this love." "Our father left and returned to Rome." "He abandoned us and forgot about us." "He left me as worthless!" "I grew up with my mother." "A noble woman." "She married me off to a gentleman of Guelph." "But he was secretly in league with King Charles, and King Frederick found out, and chased us out of Palermo, just when I was about to become a great lady." "Luckily, King Charles came to our rescue." "He gave land and money to my husband, your brother-in-law." "Thank God I have found you, dear brother!" "I'm happy to have a sister, I've been lonely." "What can you do?" "Not all evil leads to harm." "But Dad..." "I didn't know he was like that, but when a man is young..." "I understand, I too came here to..." " Anyway, thank you, dear sister!" " Now let us celebrate!" "Make yourself comfortable." "You can spend the night here, and leave tomorrow morning." "Naples is unsafe at night." " Good night, dear brother!" " Good night, sister!" "If you need anything, ask the boy." " My dear brother..." " Good night!" " Good night!" "Thank you, sister." " Good night!" "Boy, where's the..." "Privy?" "Over there." "Help!" "I've fallen into the shit!" "It's disgusting!" "Let me in, sister!" "Who's knocking down there?" "Andreuccio, the brother of the Sicilian lady!" "You're drunk, go to bed!" "I've never heard of an Andreuccio, go!" "Is this how Sicilians treat brothers?" "Toss down my clothes and money, at least!" "My good man, you're mad!" "To hell with you!" "You lout, disturbing women at this hour!" "Be gone, or you'll be killed!" "Go back to where you belong!" "Go away!" "Leave!" "What do you want, disturbing my sister like this?" "Be gone!" "I've never smelled a worse stink!" "Shit." " Who are you?" " I am Andreuccio." "I'm not from these parts." "I came to Naples to buy horses." "I met a lady who said she was my sister." "She invited me to supper." "I fell into her privy, and here I am." "So they robbed you." "Now I understand!" "Thank the Madonna for losing your money." "What?" "Because that's life." "And thank God for falling into the shit." "Say thank you!" " Thanks be to God." " Thank God again for bringing you here." "You'll soon have as much money as there are stars in heaven." "We've taken pity on you." "Look." "We've got a job for you." "It will bring you more than you have lost." " You in?" " I'm in." " Minutolo died yesterday." " He was the Archbishop of Naples." "His tomb is over there." "He's dressed in his rich robes." "Above all, he wears a ruby worth 500 gold florins." "Be brave, lift the lid." " Who'll go in?" " Not me." "Not me, either." "You, Andreuccio." " No, I'm afraid." " What?" "Get in, or by the Madonna," "I swear I'll beat you to death!" "In!" "Get in!" "Get in!" "Come on!" "How ugly you are!" "Where's the ring?" "No rings here!" " Where's the ring?" " Where is it?" "No rings here!" " Are you sure?" " Of course!" "There's no ring." "Really?" "Get stuffed!" "Courage." "Wake up!" "Are you made of lead?" "Get going!" " I won't go in, I'm afraid." " You're afraid now?" "What kind of robbers are you?" "There's a valuable ruby in there." "I'm your sacristan, trust me." "What are you afraid of?" "Dead men don't bite." "I'll get in." ""Once upon a time in Lombardy," ""where the Tuscan tongue is spoken," ""there was a convent famous for chastity and piety." ""Among the nuns" ""was a noble young lady of great beauty."" "Now I'll tell it in Neapolitan!" "What happened in this convent, was that a very beautiful nun loved a handsome youth and would wait for night to let him into her cell." "But the other nuns found out and were jealous, and caught them in the act." "What did they do?" "They went to the Mother Superior." "She was in bed with a priest." "She was so flustered, she mistook the priest's drawers for her veil, and opened the door with them on her head!" "She went and knocked on the young nun's door while the sisters watched." "The nun came out and said:" ""So you had fun, too:" "The priest's drawers are on your head!"" "After that, all the nuns enjoyed themselves." "Work should feed us, not kill us." "I used to work at the convent on the hill." "Those nuns!" "They never gave me a moment's peace." ""Put this down, pick this up!"" "I had to take my hoe and dig, dig, dig wherever they said." "And they were all so pretty, I was beside myself!" "New the sacristan says to send another gardener, an old man, they can't employ a young man at the convent." "I wouldn't send anyone there!" "Young or old, no one can stand it there!" "Where can I find another old man?" "A young man's no good, the sacristan's right:" "Because those nuns are possessed by the devil!" "You did well to leave." "It's bad for men to be surrounded by women." "I'm the bursar." "What do you want, who are you?" "Speak!" "What is it?" "Speak!" "You can't talk?" "You're hungry?" "Wait." "Who is this?" "Mother, he's a poor mute." "He can't talk." "He wants to work." "He could be our gardener." "He's all muscle and no brain." "Let's keep him." "Give him shoes and an old shirt." "Treat him well, feed him well." " Who is he?" " A deaf-mute, can't hear or speak." "A man in our convent?" "Sisters!" "He can't hear, but he can eat!" "He can wag his jaw!" "So you like the soup made by us, poor little nuns!" "Sister." "Can you keep a secret?" "It's something that has often occurred to me." "You might like to hear it." "I swear I won't tell." "Every woman who visits us says that there's no greater pleasure than what a man does with a woman." "This is my plan:" "I'd like to try with the deaf-mute, to learn if what they say is true." "There's no risk with him, he's a simpleton." "He can't tell anyone." "What do you think?" "What are you saying?" "Don't you know we've pledged our virginity to God?" "We make God many promises we can't keep!" "What if he got us pregnant?" "Why anticipate nothing but trouble?" "Every ill has a remedy." "What shall we do?" "In the afternoon, all the others are asleep at this hour." "This is what we'll do..." "We'll lead him to that hut, taking turns while the other stands guard." "Get down!" "Come with us!" "Hurry!" "Come!" "Come!" "Good lad." "In you go!" "Now mount me!" "Come!" "Don't you see?" "Don't you understand?" "Make love!" "Come on, animal." "Well done." "Come here." "It's heaven, sister!" "What they say is true!" "Now you try!" " I'd never have guessed!" " Don't tell a soul!" "Every day, only you and me, sister!" "That's the way." "It's heaven!" " What shall we do?" " Tell Mother Superior!" "An outrage!" "Yes, let's!" "What's the hurry?" "Think it over, sisters." "Why let only two enjoy what we can all share?" "In you go!" "Up!" "Come with me." "Come here!" "Obey!" "Get on top of me." "Don't you see?" "Are you blind?" "Come." "Make love to me." "Come on, show me." "Don't stop." "What's the matter, fool?" "You haven't finished." "Keep going." "More!" "One cock may satisfy ten hens, but ten men cannot satisfy one woman!" "I have to satisfy nine!" "I'll leave, if we can't find another way." "I thought you were a deaf-mute!" "No, I came here to do just this." "And how much I've done!" "I'd no idea how hard it was." "A miracle!" "What?" "You're a miracle!" "It's a miracle, sisters!" "Don't worry, we'll arrange things so you can stay in the convent and satisfy us all without killing yourself." "What's more, you'll be a saint." "Miracle!" "God has given speech to the gardener!" "Come." "My love..." "Peronella!" "My husband." "He'll kill me!" "I've heard, I'm coming!" "See how well she locks herself in." "God be praised I have such a virtuous wife." "I'm coming." "I heard you!" "Let's go!" "Go down, quick!" "I'm coming!" "Get into the jar!" "He's so jealous!" "Stay there, don't move." "Why is he back so soon?" "He could have seen you come in!" "Here I am!" "That cuckold!" "And I was almost finished." "I'm coming!" "Back already?" "I'll kill you!" "If you don't work, how can we eat?" "I'm tired of pawning my clothes." "I sweat blood, sewing all day!" "My nails are down to the quick!" "Husband!" "The day will come when I lose my patience with you!" "And you saunter home when you should be at work!" "I'm so unfortunate, my God..." "See what a good wife I have." "But don't be angry." "It's Saint Galeone's Day, a holiday." "That's why I'm back." "I've got a buyer for the big jar." "Be happy!" "We'll have bread for a month!" "He'll pay five denari." "That's why I'm angry." "You're a man, and you sell it for five denari." "I'm a woman, at home all day, and I've sold it for seven to a young man who has just called." "He's inside looking at it now." "Sorry, my friend, my wife has sold it for seven." "Let's go down." "Let's thank Saint Galeone for sending you home." "Where are you, good woman?" "I'm coming." "Isn't it a fine jar?" "You offered five." "My wife has sold it for seven!" "Here I am." "Who are you?" "I was dealing with a woman." "I am her husband." "It's good, but dirty inside." "It's encrusted, it won't soak off with water." "That won't stop us from selling it!" "My husband will get inside and clean it as good as new." "Give me my scourer." "Laugh, husband, you've made a good profit!" "Laugh!" "The buyer is right!" "The jar stinks!" "Scour it clean." "Let's do things properly." "Higher..." "lower..." "That's the spot!" "It's still dirty there." "Take your time, it's a good deal." "My love..." "Keep it up, that's the way!" "Where else could anyone find a husband like you?" "Things aren't going well for you." "You did the best you could do." "You forged what could be forged," "You killed, you raped women." "You blasphemed God and the saints." "You're even a bit queer." "In short, my boy, isn't it time to vanish for a while?" "Perhaps." "There's a problem I can't handle myself." "I've a large debt to collect in the north, but my debtors are so evil that perhaps only you can collect it, by hook or by crook." " Will you?" " Yes." "I'll give you credentials." "You'll be the guest of two brothers from these parts," "I'll give you their address." "They'll treat you well." "For my sake, not yours." "Don't worry." "No-one knows you up north." " Farewell, Master." " Farewell, Ciappelletto." "Bring back the money!" "My dear Ciappelletto, don't expect spaghetti here." "Here we eat the German way!" "Can I pour you some wine?" "Cheers!" "How many people will soon be miserable here?" "Why?" "Because with your reputation, those poor debtors..." "Do you think you're better than me?" "You leeches, ghouls!" "You vermin!" "Filth!" "Usurers!" " Have you gone mad?" " Only joking!" "We're all Neapolitans!" "Let's stick together, for better or for worse." "You're right!" "Naples, my home." "To leave Naples is to long for her." "What do we do now?" "We can't put him out!" "People would gossip, after we received him so well." "New he's dying, we can't put him out!" "You're right, we'd be criticized." "He's no good, he's never confessed, never taken Communion." "People are right, he'll die like a dog." "I shudder to think what his confession would be like!" "For such sins as his, there is no confessor!" "No one could absolve him." "He'll die like a dog." "Fellows, come here!" "I don't want to make trouble for you;" "I heard what you said." "I agree, things could happen as you say." "But I won't let them." "In my life, I have sinned so often, that one more sin before I die won't make any difference." "So go and seek out the most pious priest in the city and bring him to confess me." "I'll do the rest, don't worry." "In the Name of God, will someone come?" "A man is dying." "Send us your most pious priest!" "It was a lovely meal, Father, with wine, ham, all the trimmings." "Yes, Father, it was lovely!" "He was in such good spirits, poor man!" "We sang, all three of us." "If there's bad luck, it's always for us!" "Poor Ciappelletto!" "What will become of you?" "Madonna, have mercy." "Have you been guilty of avarice?" "Don't blame me if I'm in the house of usurers." " The whore's son!" " To hell with you!" "I had a great inheritance." "I gave it all to the poor." "Of what I earned," "I kept but half to live on, giving the other half to the poor." "Tell me, if you will:" "Have you ever sinned with a woman?" "He's queer!" "I'm as pure as the day I was born." "God bless you!" "And the sin of gluttony?" "In thought." "While fasting, I had strong cravings for lettuce." "Lettuce?" "My son, these are sins of no account." "There are many other sins I have not told you about!" " What are they?" " One day, it happened that I spat in the House of the Lord!" "My son, that is nothing." "We, priests, spit in there every day." "What else?" "My father, there is one sin I have never confessed." "I'm so ashamed!" "What do you mean, my boy?" "I cry whenever I think of it." "I'm sure God will never forgive me!" "God always forgives sins, when a man as sincere as you repents." "My sin is too serious." "You are so kind to pretend that God forgives me." "Confess!" "We shall pray together." " I can't, Father." " Come, my son!" "I can't!" "My son, make an effort." " In the name of God!" " No." "Very well." "Promise to pray with me and I will tell." "When I was a little boy," "I cursed my mother over a little milk!" "My own mother!" "He's dying, and doing all this for us." "He really is a saint." "Even if you had helped to nail Him to the Cross, you're so deeply sorry that He would forgive you." "What did you say, Father?" "My dear mother, who carried me for nine months, day and night," "for nine months, in her womb..." "I have heard the poor sinner's confession and listened as his noble heart broke with anguish." "Yet his faith in our Mother Church never wavered." "If you wretches as much as step on a twig, you offend God, the Madonna and the Heavenly Host." "Now you may enter." "Enter and honour this saint." "Let's take shelter!" "Stop!" "Let's stop here!" " Come on, run!" " I'm coming!" "My God, we could drown in all this water!" "Please, after you." "Gennaro, did you pray for this rain?" "Well, you got it!" "God never refuses me." "Let me introduce the Master, who does not like being called Master." "He's a good painter from the north," "Giotto's best pupil." "He has come to paint Naples." "I am most honored, Master!" "Have you anything to keep off the rain?" "We'd like to be in Naples by nightfall." "Do you have something?" "I have only a few rags, but you can use them." "Thank you." "The rain won't stop!" "Have a good journey!" "Master, do you think that if a stranger saw you... in this state... he'd imagine that you are one of our best painters?" "They're from the church that commissioned the work." "And these are nuns of the convent." "This way, please." "Try these grapes, they're excellent!" " To Riccardo's health!" " To your health, sir!" "Apples, oranges, as many flowers as there are in France, for Caterina, for Giuseppina, and new you're out!" "Caterina, don't let me die of love." "Don't you make me die of love." "I'll do what you want." "Say the word, and save my life and yours." "Riccardo, you know how they watch me;" "at least we can talk here." "But if you want to sleep with me, tell me what to do." "I won't be ashamed, I'll do as you ask." "Caterina, go to sleep on your balcony, over the garden." "I'll climb the wall." "If you're brave enough to climb so high, I'll find a way to sleep there." "It's so hot..." "Mamma, I couldn't sleep last night." "But it's not too hot." "It's quite cool in fact!" "But you forget that girls are much warmer than older women." "True, but what can we do?" "If you and Papa agree," "I'll put a bed on the balcony, over the garden." "I'll sleep there." "In the cool air, I'll listen to the nightingale singing, and will sleep better than in your room." "Very well, I'll speak to your father." "Let's see what he says." "Caterina, wake up!" "Caterina, my love." "Give me my first ever kiss!" "Later." "Lie down." " Riccardo, my love." " Let's do it again!" "Let's sleep a little." "Let's ask Caterina how she slept with her nightingale." "My God." "Wake up!" "Look at your daughter, how she caught her nightingale!" " How can that be?" " Come with me." " What are you saying?" " See for yourself." "If she's had him, he's hers." "A fine boy, good family, rich..." "It's an ideal match!" "Ours is a respectable house." "If he wants to live, he must marry her, and make no trouble." "He'll put his nightingale in her cage, and in no-one else's!" "Wake up, miserable pair!" "Let's settle this, before I call my guards!" "Sir, please forgive me." "I did wrong and deserve to die." "Do what is right and honorable for you." "If you can forgive me, don't kill me." "Riccardo, this is no way to repay my trust in you." "But you erred because you are young." "To avoid death for you and shame, calling for bloodshed, for me," "I ask you to marry Caterina." "Of course I'll marry her!" "She'll be my wife!" "And you'll be my father and mother-in-law!" "Give me the ring." "Here, Caterina." "In the Name of God, I wed thee." "Now rest." "I'm sure you need it." "He's still not here." "These artists!" "Excuse me." "Excuse me, brothers." "To work, lads!" "Come on, quick!" "Let's go!" "Stay a little longer." "I must go, it's dawn." "Stay, Lorenzo." "I wish I could." "Good-bye till tomorrow." "Brothers!" "Get up!" "What's happened?" "Our sister Isabetta is sleeping with the Sicilian apprentice." "I saw him leave her room." "I'll kill her!" "Stop!" "What are you doing?" "Stop it!" "Have you gone mad?" "What are you doing?" "Are you sure of this?" "Absolutely." "Let's pretend we don't know." "Don't say anything." "Hide our shame." "We'll wait for an opportunity, without telling anyone." "That's what we'll do!" "Enough work for today." "Let's go for a walk." "It's such a lovely day." "Sister, we're going for a walk." "Be good." "Have a piss with us!" "It doesn't cost anything!" "Make room for our boy." "Did you think we weren't human?" "You wore wrong." "We're just like other men, see?" "How that Lorenzo can run!" "Where are you going?" "We're coming!" "We'll catch you." "Let's rest for a while." "This is the coolest spot on our land." "Sit down, Lorenzo." "Let servants and masters be equal today." "Wash your eyes, refresh yourself!" "Come on, jump." "Come along." "Come on then!" "What are you doing?" "Run that way." "Run!" "Why?" "Come on, run that way." "What's wrong?" "Brothers, I'm sorry to disturb you." " What do you want?" " Is Lorenzo back yet?" "We sent him away to Palermo on business." "Ask again, and you'll get the answer you deserve." "Go indoors Isabetta." "And don't come out without our permission." "Go!" "Don't make us say it again!" "You're sad because I've been gone so long." "You keep calling me, crying." "I can never come back again." "The last day you saw me, your brothers killed me." "They buried me out there." "Don't wait or call for me anymore." "Brothers, I've been indoors for so long." "Give me permission to walk with the maid." "Go, enjoy yourself!" "Go!" "But come back soon." "And cheer up, we like to see you cheerful." "I wish I could take all of you, my love." "It's basil from Salerno, the best." "We'll sprinkle him with rose water." "Come on, we've a long way to go yet." "What a long way we've come together!" "From market to market, just to earn a bit of bread." "We must be near to your home now, from the way you described it to me." "Yes." "At last I can repay your hospitality, Don Gianni." "Thank you, Pietro." "But don't expect a house as nice as yours!" "There's only room for me, Gemmatta and the donkey." "But at least you have a pretty wife." "Thanks." "Yes, I do have a pretty young wife, but..." "We'll manage somehow." "My wife and I have it planned:" "She will sleep at Zita's house, our neighbour." "Zita doesn't mind." "That way you and I can use our bed." "What's wrong?" "We're unlucky, dear Pietro." "What shall we do?" "Zita has just got married." "They're celebrating at her house." "She would get married today." "Where can we put our friend, the priest?" "I can't go to Zita's with her stupid husband there." "Don Gianni, this is my wife, Gemmatta." "I'm honored." "God be with you." "Don't worry, dear Gemmatta, I'll be fine." "Whenever I like," "I cast a magic spell and turn my mare into a pretty girl." "I sleep with her, then change her back, and use the mare for my work." "No matter what," "I'll never part from her." "All cuckolds!" " What do you want?" " If the priest is a good friend..." "What?" "Ask him to show you the trick, that magic spell." "Turn me into a mare." "The mare and the donkey will carry everything." "I'll be a good, obedient mare." "We'll earn twice as much." "And at home I'll turn into a woman again." "What do you say?" "Yes, yes." "Show us how to turn my wife into a mare and back into a woman again." "I can't..." "I beg you in God's name." "See how poor we are." "Do it out of charity." "It won't cost you anything!" "You really believe I can do it?" "Yes!" "I will show you how to do it early tomorrow morning." "The hardest part of it all, as you'll see, is pinning the tail on." "Remember, no one else in the world would do what I'm doing for you." "I'm doing it because you insist." "If you want the miracle to happen, do exactly as I say." "Pietro, watch me closely." "Don't forget what I tell you." "Be sure not to spoil it all." "No matter what you see or hear, don't say a single word." "I'll be as mute as a fish." "Pray to God that the tail hooks on properly." "Come on, Gemmatta." "Strip naked." "Quite naked?" "As naked as a newborn babe." "Come, get undressed." "Get down like a mare." "You hold this lantern." "Let this be a pretty mare's head." "Let this be a pretty mare's hair." "Let these be a pretty mare's arms." "Let these be a pretty mare's flanks." "Let these be a pretty mare's breasts." "And let this be... a pretty mare's tail!" "I don't want the tail!" "What have you done?" "I told you not to say a word!" "I don't want the tail!" "You've ruined it by speaking." "Now it's impossible." "We're in for it, if we die in mortal sin." "We're saved if we repent just before we die." "What sort of a place do we go to after death?" "Who knows, Meuccio?" "What will heaven or hell be like, Tingoccio?" "Again!" "You want to see me dead, is that it?" "Who knows?" "I may die first." "The Lord decides." " Hey, Meuccio." " What?" "Let's make a promise:" "The one who dies first lets the other know what it's like." " Yes!" " Swear!" " I swear it." " So do I." "I'm in mortal sin because of you." "Me, too, because of you." "Because we're lovers, you and me." "If a woman commits a mortal sin with a man, then he commits a mortal sin with her." "Holy Virgin, forgive us!" "What's one sin more or less?" "Let's do it again." " You're as pale as a corpse." " You're crazy." "If you keep it up like that, you'll be sorry." "I'm telling you, fool that I am, for your own sake." "Don't you think about it?" "I like lovemaking, too, and I could do it any time, but I value my salvation." "After death, I want my soul to be without sin before God." "To think I told him so, I kept on telling him." ""Two or three times, that's all." I said." "He was stubborn, wouldn't listen." "Month after month he did it:" "Five, six, seven, eight, nine times a day, he never stopped, poor Tingoccio!" "Look where he is now." "Meuccio." "Who is it?" "Tingoccio." "I promised to tell you what it's like after death." "Welcome back." "Are you saved, or are you a lost soul?" "If I was lost, how could I be here?" "That's not what I mean." "I mean, are you with the damned in the fires of hell?" "Not yet, but I'm paying for my sins." "I'm suffering a heavy sentence." "Is it the same punishment for all?" "No." "Some are burning, some in boiling water, some in ice, some in shit." "Tell me, can I do anything for you here on earth?" "Of course!" "Have masses said, and prayers." "Be charitable, that helps a lot." "Don't worry, I'll do as you say." "I must go, it's almost dawn." "Farewell." "Take care." "Wait!" "A question." "How were you punished for all your lovemaking?" "Well, Meuccio, when I arrived," "I met someone who knew every one of my sins." "I thought I'd get the worst punishment for my lovemaking." "I was shaking with fear." "Someone asked why I was shaking and I said:" ""I'm guilty of awful sins with my woman."" ""That's why I'm here now."" "They laughed at me, saying:" ""Don't worry, that 'sin' doesn't count here."" "I must go now." "Be good." "It's not a sin!" "Here's the wine!" "Let's all have a drink!" "Let's drink!" "To your health!" "To the Master's health!" "A great work for our city!" "To your health!" "Thank you, friends." "Good luck with your next work, Master." "This good wine is the spirit of Saint Antonio!" "I wonder..." "This wine is bliss for us to piss!" "Why produce a work of art when it's nice to just dream about it?"