"So, as you can see, they've started renovating the master bedroom." "And I've brought some furniture by just to get a sense of your taste." "It's so cool having an interior designer who's also my hot girlfriend do my house." "Oh, really?" "Why?" "Well, because you are who I want this place to impress, you know." "For example, it was great to learn that a fireplace in the master bedroom is sexy, but the Lucite statue of two people doing it is not." "All right, so we're gonna take this wall down just to open the place up a bit." "If the wall's coming down anyway, can I take the first crack at it?" " It's your house." " It is my house." "Now, you're sure that this is the right wall, right?" " Definitely." " Okay, you know." "Where was that antique coffee table you wanted to show me?" "Hey, can I hang out here for a minute?" "My ex-husband is at our place." "We're dividing up our stuff." "You and Eric haven't done that already?" "Yeah, well, we've been fighting over who gets what." "A word to the wise:" "if you ever get married, write your nameon your Party of Five DVDs." "Eric really screwed you over." "You must want to kill him." "Actually, I'm okay." "My therapist taught me this technique where you write a letter with everything you wish you could say to someone." "And you never actually send it, but just getting that stuff down allows you to move past it." " That really works?" " Oh, yeah." "I've also written my father, my brother, LeBron James." "Well, win a championship, and then act like that." "Alex, I'm taking off." "Hey, Gina, it's been a long time." "Look, just because Alex and I ended our relationship, that doesn't mean we have to change..." " I've always hated you." " Good, then we'll keep doing that." " Hi, guys." " Hey." "You went grocery shopping?" "Yeah, I'm making lunch for Candace and her grandmother." "They're really close, and I need to score some points because for some reason her grandmother does not like me." "Why?" "I guess when women get older, they lose hormones and that's a big part of my appeal." "You know, he's really into Candace." "Maybe you should think about writing one of those letters to get over Joey." "What are you talking about?" "I'm already over Joey." "Boy, look at you, Alex, with your glasses and your laptop." "You're like a sexy little secretary." "You wanna come up to my office and take down a memo?" "Yeah, and then maybe you'll chase me around your desk and my heel will break, and you'll catch me." "New document. "Dear Joey..."" "It was so nice of you to invite us over." "Wasn't it, Grandma?" "Oh, yes." "There's nothing like eating Hot Pockets in the common area of an apartment building." "Hot... h-hot!" "Uch, the way you eat." "Reminds me of my first husband, Herman." "God, I hated that man." "You look like him, you act like him." "I bet you like the Civil War, too." "I do like the Civil War." "Hey." "Hey, Zach." "Oh, you know Candace." "And this is Gloria, who you'll be surprised to find out is not Candace's sister." "Why would I think that?" "She's so much older than her." "Candace, I've got to get going to rehearsal." "Grandma's the lead in The Pirates of Penzance down at the Beverly Hills Retirement Center." "Not for much longer." "The director just quit and if they can't find a replacement, they're going to cancel it." "Poor Grandma." "It's, like, the one thing she looks forward to all year." " Bye." " Bye." "Hey, man, we should totally direct that play." " What?" " Yes." "Do you know how many rich and famous people have parents in the Beverly Hills Retirement Center?" "If we put on a good show, we can make all sorts of connections." "I don't know anything about directing a musical." "I do." "I'll do everything." "I happen to have a musical theater background." "Where'd you study?" "No, I mean, I have an actual background." "The Godspell people didn't want it anymore, so I took it." "It's in my shed." "Ready to go to lunch?" "Yeah, I'm just finishing this letter to Joey." "It feels so good to finally get this off my chest." ""Dear Dimples"?" "Yeah, well, that's kind of what I would call him if we had nicknames for each other." "He would call me "Button."" "It's kind of cute if you think about it." "How much do you think about it?" " Hey, guys." " Hi." "What are you doing?" " Uh, nothing." " None of your business." "None of my business?" "Oh, that means that it's about Joey." "Well, I already know you're into him." "Come on, Alex, can I read it?" "No." "It's very personal." "Besides, you cannot keep a secret." "Telling the school nurse you gave me vodka to help me sleep was not betraying a confidence." "I was starting to need it." "I'm sorry, Michael, but if Joey ever saw this, I would die." "I just want to read the first part." "No, my God..." "there, it's deleted forever." "God, come on, let's get lunch." "God, you're such a pain in the ass." "Well, it's deleted forever." "Oh, how could I ever drag something out of the trash?" "Wow." "What did LeBron James ever do to her?" "Oh, my god." "It looks like the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland." "You guys..." "Thank you so much for doing this." "Everyone, our new directors are here!" "Hi, everyone!" "I'm Joey and this is Zach." "And we're looking forward to having a really great time." "I'd like to give a shout out to a very special lady up there." "Hey, Gloria!" "Now don't ruin this by being a suck-up like Herman." "Got it, Gorgeous." "Great blouse." "Um, okay, everyone." "Just to get a sense of where we're at, why don't we start with "Modern Major General."" "Okay, music please." "All right." "Okay..." "That was really good, everyone... if you want your families to think you've gone senile!" "Excuse me." "What is this?" "This is my insulin." "I have diabetes." "And do you need this at all times?" "Yes." "Then get off my stage!" " What are those?" " Blood thinners." "I will not have my actors taking drugs!" "That is how we lost Belushi!" "Zach, Zach..." "Will you calm down?" "Did you see their blocking?" "Did you hear them sing?" "They're awful." "These are nice old people." "They probably have like six months to live." "Oh, no, no, not you." "You look great." "Yeah, you're all right." ""Oh, Dimples, I miss the way it feels when you hold me."" "What are you reading?" "No, no, Joey!" "You can't read that." "It's very personal." ""You touched me like no other man has ever touched me before."" "Wow." "I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but I guess I owe your mom 50 bucks." "I didn't write it." "Now, I mean it, give it back." "Joey..." "Don't read it." "I'm telling you, don't read it!" "I'm asking..." "Please tell me that's..." " It's a candy bar." " Okay, good." ""I so badly want to tell you that I still have feelings for you."" ""But I know you've moved on." "I probably should, too."" "Who could this be about?" "She hasn't been with anyone since her husband, Eric, except for..." "Oh, my God!" "It is Eric!" "Yes, yes, it's Eric." "Of course, it's Eric. "Dimples" is Eric." "Does he even have dimples?" "Does he have dimples?" "Yeah, of course." "You could get lost in them, and you'd never want to be found!" " What are you doing?" " I don't know!" "Hey, Zach." "Again?" "One of my pirates wandered off." "Yeah, yeah." "You check the high school and I'll check the mall." "All right, yeah, bye." "Congratulations." "This has a chance to be the finest musical I've ever directed." "And I have directed the Beth-El Temple's production of Shalom, Shalom Birdie." "Thanks so much for doing all this, man." "Candace is loving me." "No problem, buddy." "I've got you covered." "Joey." "Hey, Bobbie, what are you doing here?" "Well, my mother's a resident here, and she just happens to be in your production." "She needs a song." "Oh, I don't know." "All the parts have already been cast." "Don't give me that crap." "Make it happen." "Roberta, are they going to give me a song or not?" "I don't know yet." "Speak clearly, you tree!" "I'll see what I can do." "Don't look at me like that, Mother." "I'm trying, I'm trying." "Look at her, Joey." "Grandma is so happy." "You're such a great guy." "Uh-uh-uh-uh." "Damn, Gloria, what key are you singing in, "M"?" "I'm sorry, I didn't have much time to rehearse." "Why, because you're so busy with your job?" "Hey, I'm just..." "That's it, Gloria." "Get off my stage." " What?" "!" " What?" "!" "I'm sorry, sweetheart, it's better you learn this early." "You don't have the chops." "From the top, people." "Zach, whoa." "What the hell are you doing?" "You can't fire my girlfriend's grandmother." "She's the whole reason we're doing this." "I'm sorry." "She has a bad attitude and she doesn't understand the choreography." "She's 75." "Okay, maybe she doesn't understand it when you tell her to "Beyonce it up."" "Man, look at Letty." "She's a much better lead." "She's a better singer, she's a better dancer." "Plus, she exudes that raw sexuality that makes me wish she was 20 years younger." "And that I was 20 years older." "And that she was into younger men." "Zach, Zach, Zach, look, I appreciate your commitment to this production, okay?" "But Gloria is still the lead in this play." "Not in a play that I'm directing." "Well, then I guess you're not directing." "Then I guess I'm leaving." "Well, then I guess I'm not giving you a ride home." "Then I hope the 147 bus goes down Wilshire." "I believe it does." " Hey." " Oh, hey." "I hope you don't mind that I'm here." "Eric's back." "He's just picking up the last of his stuff." "And as soon as he leaves, he'll be out of my life forever." "Okay, look, Alex, if you're saying that he's going to be gone forever, then we need to talk." "Um..." "I read your letter." ""Dear Dimples."" "Oh, my God!" "What?" "You read that?" "!" "I'm so embarrassed." "What?" "There's nothing to be embarrassed about." "Although I got to say, I think you can do much better." " Joey, don't say that." " I'm saying it." "And another thing is I'm not so sure "Dimples" is straight." " Really?" " Yeah." "But you know what, who cares what I think?" "Well, I do." "I mean, how did you feel when you read the letter?" "Oh, I don't know..." "I kind of laughed." "It turned me on a little." "Okay, well, what am I supposed to do with all of this?" "Look, I'll tell you what you're supposed to do, Alex." "If you want someone, then you have got to make a move." "Okay, and I mean now." " Now?" " Right now." "Right now." "Do it." "Do it!" "Okay." "Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm talking about." "Do it." "Do it." "Do it, Alex." "Do it." "Come on, go get him." "Go get Eric." "I'm sorry." "How's that?" "Eric. "Dimples."" "Oh, right." ""Dimples..."" "Eric is "Dimples."" "Yeah, Alex, I cracked your code." "Oh, there he is." "Okay, go get him." "Go get him right now." "No, no." "You know what?" "I wish I could talk to him, Joey, but I'm too weak." "Good-bye, Eric." "We'll always have... just whatever." "Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait." "Look, uh, this may not be my place, but I need to talk to you, Dimples." "Okay." "What's going on, Sunshine?" "All right, everybody, Zach is no longer with us due to creative differences." "While we are all very sorry to see him leave, it's still going to be a great production." " Any questions?" " You're not Zach." "Okay." "All right, you know what, let's start with the final scene." "Okay, places, everyone." "Zach was not wrong." "There's something about that Letty." "Okay, music." "Whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no." "Walter, when you meet Gloria, okay..." "Over here." "You need to walk to the middle, okay?" "And do it with more feeling, all right?" "Be a little more..." "La!" "and a little less..." "La!" "Okay?" "And, Gloria, you need to be closer to Walter so that he can get his arms around you." "Just like Herman-- always trying to cop a feel." "Sorry, it's really hard to control myself." "Okay, you know what, moving on, all right?" "Let's go from the end of this scene where everyone sings together, okay?" "All right, now, you guys-- what I want you to do is one of those... one of those crissy-crossy things, okay?" "And you guys" " I want you to do one of those jumpy-spinny things." "All right?" "You got it?" "Okay, here we go." "But we don't know what we're doing." "You are the worst director ever." "You're not Zach." "Why doesn't my son call me?" "What?" "How should I know?" "Let's get him." "Hey, hey, hey." "He is the very mod..." "No." "He is the very model..." "No." "Oh, it can't be done!" " Hey." " Hey." "So how did rehearsal go today?" "Great." "Yeah, couldn't have gone better." "Joey, I know you're lying." "Look, I'm sorry I lost my cool back there." "It's just, when it comes to my job, I'm..." "I'm a perfectionist." "It's okay, Zach." "You care a lot." "Yeah, I mean, they have so much potential." "I mean, take Walter." "If I could work with him one-on-one, by the time he's 120, he'd be a star." "So can I come back?" "You better come back." "I don't know what the hell I'm doing." "No problem." "I'll take care of everything." "Okay, great." "Hey, uh, can you teach me the choreography to "Modern Major General"?" "I'm using these guys to try to figure it out." "Okay, this is Walter and this is Letty." " That's no Letty." " You're telling me." " Hey." " Hey, Alex." "Um, listen, I was thinking about his letter thing and I appreciate your interest, but I'd really rather just let it go." "No problem." "I completely understand." "Okay." "Hey, you want to come over and watch some TV?" "Yeah, that would be great." " Great." " Okay..." "What?" " Oh, my God!" " Yes, Alex, it's me." "Don't pinch yourself." "This is real." "I'm sorry." "You two probably want to be alone." "Maybe time for a little..." "Um..." "Eric, this is a little awkward." "Shh, shh. shh." "Joey told me about the letter." "Your "Italian Stallion" is here." "Get out of here, you jerk!" "Dude, you didn't do the couch pose right." "Wonderful!" "Wonderful!" "That was great!" "Gilbert and Sullivan would be proud of you." "Especially those of you they knew personally." "Where's Walter?" "Walter should be out there." "I can't go on." "My hip gave out again." "Mother knows the part of Frederic." "I don't do drag." "That's such a cheap laugh." "Oh, my God, what are we going to do?" "This is Grandma's big duet." "She's going to be devastated." "My Frederic in tears" "It cannot be that lion-heart quails at the coming conflict" "At the coming conflict" "Nay, Mabel, nay" "I bound myself to serve the pirate captain" "Until I reached my one and twentieth birthday" "Frederic, stay" "Nay, Mabel, nay" "When stern duty calls I must obey." "Oh, Herman!"