"Subtitles:" "Jarett Cale" ""K this is, like, my show, uh..."" ""Just gonna make a show, uh..."" ""Y'know I'm like, the star, and uh..."" ""Kyle's, like, on the camera, but you can't see him 'cause he's holding it and like..."" ""Pointing it at me, and stuff"" ""My name's Jeremy, uh... you might know me as teh_pwnerer, 'cause like..."" ""Y'know that's, like, what I do."" ""TOH-POW!" "YEAH!"" ""BOOM!" "HEADSHOT!"" ""BOOM!" "HEADSHOT!"" "So people relate to your brother?" "Uh, yeah, he's actually a huge Internet star." "Well, you'll need a development advance." "Just sign the co-production agreement." "But, before we officially green-light, we'll need a full script." "Uh, but it's a documentary, though." "There is no script." "All documentaries are written." "You need to actively get the footage you want, and get people to say the things you want." "Then in editing you can tell any story, but we have to know what that story is." "OK" "It has to say something about the human condition." "Something inspiring, that'll change lives." "And you have to end with a kick-ass song, so the audience leaves the theater on a high." "Feeling like they can change the world." "Which generates word-of-mouth ticket sales." "[mumbles] OK" "Great." "Congratulations." "Thanks!" "Uh, yeah, sorry..." "y'know, the camera." "Mm-hm." "YES!" "Hey!" "Jeremy!" "Whatcha working on Jeremy?" "Busy!" "You're working on busy?" "Kyle!" "Too busy!" "[phone alert] *hydration break*" "Oh, is that a new camera?" "You got, like, a new camera job or something?" "Yeah I actually wanted to talk to you about it." "They still pay people to hold cameras, huh?" "Meeting in five." "Yeah, saw it on the calendar." "So, you still filming naked people?" "'cause I don't think the people around here are having any sex, Kyle." "I'm actually working on something new, do you have a minute to talk about it?" "It's always more than a minute, Kyle..." "I'm pretty booked... end of the month-- how's the 28th work for you?" "Can you make some time today?" "Pretty sure making time is physics impossible, Kyle." "What about after work?" "Only do work stuff during work time." "It's part of being effective." "[phone alert] *return to work* *ten milligrams Amphetapro*" "A-counting, Kyle." "I make money, help other people make money." "And keep track of the money they made." "No better way to spend your working time than that." "I'm pro at life now, Kyle." "Maybe you didn't know that since you were so busy with your big L.A. job, filming dudes plowing'." "So what happened to 'pro at games'?" "LOL!" "Games, Kyle." "Already played way too many of those." "Waste of time." "I wish I knew sooner that something was wrong with me." "All it takes is 8 workin' pills a day to fix my brain." "Now I do things that matter." "Now, I'm effective." "[phone alert] *stress break complete*" "Jeremy I wanna make a Pure Pwnage movie." "Busy, Kyle." "Did you hear what I said?" "Busy, Kyle!" "BUSY!" "[phone alert] *ten milligrams Amphetapro*" "Why don't you go bug Doug?" "Letter for you!" "LETTERS!" "WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!" "LETTERS!" "LETTERS!" "HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" "*gun noises*" "Sure, I'll do the movie." "I'm not doing the movie, Kyle." "You can still film me, though." "Free country." "Actually you could probably go back, watch that footage, and learn how to own at real life like me, y'know?" "Instead of being such a dick filmer all the time." "'cause Kyle is a Dick Filmer." "I'm not doing that anymore." "I wanna make something moving, real art." "Moving?" "I got something moving for ya, Kyle!" "So how did you and Doug end up living together?" "You know that, Kyle." "I do, but what about the audience?" "My audience is 20k Twitter followers, Kyle." "How many's yours?" "I, uh... don't use Twitter." "Don't use Twitter?" "How'd you get here?" "Horse and Buggy?" "You gonna go home after this and churn some butter?" "Maybe handwrite a letter?" "Put it in the 'mailbox'?" "No, no, wait." "Log in to MySpace?" "On your iPhone 4?" "Jeremy said we couldn't move in together until we got married." "And why'd you get married?" "I dunno, tax stuff?" "Being gay-married to Doug's the best!" "Combo medical coverage, spousal life insurance." "Busted out the T1036 FTHB tax credit to pick up this place." "And last year, Kyle, I pimped out our joint filing with the T4040 RSPs with the PRPPs." "Pimpin' annuities, Kyle!" "Oh hi RSP!" "You want some annuities?" "Oh you like the annuities, huh?" "Oh annuities likes you, too!" "That's a pretty sweet setup." "Yeah obviously I buy the best stuff." "You got any games installed?" "No games!" "We just do real stuff now, Kyle." "Nice!" "Nice." "Heh heh!" "Heh heh." "*knock on door*" "Hey Jeremy." "Just got the new fiber installed." "Even faster now." "Check this out, you wanna see what a tweet at 500Mb/sec up looks like?" "BOOM!" "I couldn't even see it, Kyle." "Wow." "So fast." "Kale bacon salad, Kyle!" "The good-for-you of the Kale cancels out the bad-for-you of the bacon" "And the awesome taste of the bacon cancels out the gross taste of the kale." "It's like the perfect balance!" "Is that kale bacon salad?" "!" "So, you're not gay gay-married?" "We're gay-married but we're not gay." "Isn't that like gaming the system?" "We don't game anymore, Kyle." "No I mean, like, you're taking advantage of gay marriage laws because you're not real-gay with Doug." "What are you talking about, Kyle?" "It doesn't matter how I feel about Doug." "Marriage is about laws and taxes." "And people blah-blah'ing on TV." "Not two people that love each other?" "Whoa, Kyle!" "Did you just understand something?" "!" "Did that brain just get bigger?" "It's none of the government's business that me and Doug sleep in separate beds." "It's called 'legally gay', Kyle." "And it's normal now, so get used to it." "Yeah Kyle, don't discriminate." "This is how happy I am, like, over time." "So you can see there that's when I got my new Nexus phone a couple months ago." "Yeah right there, that's when I got my new rings." "I thought you always had those rings?" "No these are new ones, Kyle, upgraded 'em." "It's real platinum." "Super expensive." "This is my buying plan." "It's so I know what new stuff to buy, like, before it comes out." "And old stuff, too, that's already out but doesn't suck yet." "The real list is, like, infinity long but I keep this one to fifty things." "It makes it manageable." "And so I don't have to worry all the time about what new stuff to buy." "Don't you think that's a bit obsessive?" "Kyle, not having a buying plan would be like playing RTS without a build order." "Not that I'd waste my time playing RTS anymore 'cause when I get my Tesla Model S" "OH!" "Just gonna wanna drive that all the time, y'know, just, WOOOO-OOO-OOOO!" "AH-HA-HAAAAA!" "That is beyond obsessive!" "That is CRAZY!" "Kyle we'll see who's crazy in six years when I've got everything on that list and I'm just super happy all the time!" "Just all day" " HA!" "HA!" "HAAAAA!" "HA!" "Yeah, you and your fake husband living the good life, huh?" "[Doug O.C.] Don't discriminate!" "Nah, we'll probably be not-gay-married by then both got girlfriends." "So, like, what movies did you make?" "Do I know any of them?" "Uh, probably not." "I love movies." "I saw that driving one on the weekend." "Ugh, I hate driving movies." "You should use my friend for your movie." "He's a super good actor." "He knows all of his lines like, right away." "It's not really that kind of a movie, though." "It's not any kind of movie." "'cause there is no movie." "So you mean no one's gonna see this?" "Whoa!" "The camera's back!" "Should I be practicing my micro?" "OK, then..." "Large caramel macchiato, extra whip cream?" "Oh, do you think it's a good idea having caffeine so late?" "Maybe we should switch that to a decaf." "Like, maybe we should?" "Or we should?" "Like maybe it would be better if you did." "So what game are you playing these days?" "It's called "Pay The Lease"." "It's great." "You get to play 80 hrs/week, manage players who sometimes go AFK, and constantly worry if you're going to be homeless the next month." "But it's rewarding." "Well you know what?" "You should be proud of this place." "It's really nice." "Thank you." "So you're making a Pure Pwnage movie, huh?" "Hahahahaha!" "Oh wow, that hurts..." "Dual wielding, Kyle." "Saves time." "Effective." "Oh nice, three points happier tomorrow!" "I know you're trying to get him back into gaming, but it's not gonna work." "I've been trying for years." "Don't tell Jeremy, but I'm not studying to be a hairdresser." "Instead, on Wednesdays, I head down to The Node, play the new Counter-Strike" "Man, if Jeremy knew I was still gaming..." "It's those pills, they changed him." "He's definitely not the dude I married." "Tagi wasn't there, took forever to order." "Now I'm way behind!" "Jeremy, I'm making a Pure Pwnage movie." "Uh, I think it's called Po-nage now, Kyle." "Jeremy I'm making a Pure Pwnage movie and I can't make it without games!" "Then I guess you can't make a Pure Po-nage movie, Kyle." "Don't you miss it?" "Being teh_pwnerer?" "Dominating ladders?" "Winning?" "Winning's for losers, Kyle." "Jeremy, I've decided." "Why did you just throw that away?" "'Cause I decided I didn't want it anymore, Kyle." "That's how you decide stuff." "Effective." "I dunno why you keep going around deciding stuff you can't decide." "Kyle, you're distracting me." "Y'know I think I saw a Wang in the elevator?" "You should go film that." "Ah-ha, nice." "OMG!" "No way!" "Oh dude!" "Is that what I think it is?" "Oh yeah!" "So what is it?" "XOBO brain glasses, Kyle." "It's like a computer that projects stuff directly into your brain, so you can do all the stuff you do on your phone, without having to look at a phone all the time." "Dude, sweet!" "Way better!" "Oh dude, so much better!" "It's so light and thin, too." "I gotta update my happiness chart, this changes, like, everything." "Can I hold 'em?" "Sec, let me boot 'em up first." "[XOBO alert] *XOBO*" "What's it like?" "What's it like?" "!" "Ads are running..." "Oh wow, gotta put that on my buying list." "Dude even the charger looks awesome." "Hey look guys, XOBO is a huge eSports supporter." "Kyle, I know what you're trying to do." "But it's not gonna work." "I just learned I gotta spend a whole buncha time gettin' all the fun outta these." "I got like less than zero time for games." "OK XOBO, install Twitter." "What's it doing?" "!" "It's installing!" "[phone alert] *ten milligrams Amphetapro*" "Having a bad day, Kyle." "Just feels like..." "Sucks." "I don't know what's going on." "I mean it can't be the brain glasses." "They're like the farthest thing from suck you can buy right now." "Seems like it suck a bit less to just sit here and do nothing." "Well if you don't feel like working why don't you ditch it?" "The total amount of the obligation is fixed at the reporting date, correct?" "Yes, and so is the operating loss carry-forward." "Paragraph 4b stipulates non-reciprocal cancellation of liabilities by an entity acting in a manner other than as an owner." "Yes, we're going to get those liabilities to legal ASAP." "Well in accordance with the terms of the arrangement..." "Financial statements have to be submitted" "And we have the corresponding entries..." "Balance sheets need to be submitted..." "Pimpin' annuities." "Jeremy?" "What?" "Do you want to reconcile these bank statements?" "Reconcile... bank?" "Statements." "Reconcile the bank statements." "No." "Why not?" "'Cause... it would... suck?" "Is this for your show?" "Because it's OK to film here, but let's not interrupt the work day." "I don't even know why we're filming here." "This whole place SUCKS!" "Hey Jeremy, why don't you take a break?" "Maybe play some games?" "I heard the Steam sale in on." "Who's got time to play games, Kyle, when there's all this suck to clean up?" "Wow, totally sucks." "Suck, suck, suck, suck." "OK XOBO, record video." "Hey man, what's up?" "What are we doing?" "Cleaning up all the suck, Doug." "Gotta reconcile all this stuff with NOT SUCKING!" "Beats work." "This calculator blows, sucks." "Oh wow, totally sucks." "Oh, are those scissors?" "Licks and sucks!" "Oh clipboards, super suckage!" "Mugs, suck." "I found some sucky stuff!" "Oh, lots of retained suckage capital right here!" "Four-by-three, yeah right!" "Gentlemen!" "Out of the way, ball licker!" "OK, that's it." "Leave the building!" "NOW!" "Whoa, Doug!" "Doug!" "Don't throw that chair!" "I will take care of this." "Oh, employee of the month?" "Who's turn is it this time?" "!" "Oh, Shane!" "Good job dude!" "Doesn't matter how much you suck at sucky work, EVERYBODY WINS!" "You win!" "You win!" "Even YOU win!" "We're all WINNERS!" "Oh don't forget the sucky water, Doug." "Doesn't even give you energy!" "Whoa, bad, no... do NOT do that!" "Please." "Jeremy!" "[O.C. yell] Oh man!" "Somebody get a fire extinguisher!" "Code Ten." "You lost your job?" "!" "Nah... it's more like, the jobs lost us." "Y'know?" "Well, it's kinda more like a rage-quit." "OK... wow." "OK so I'm, like, actually dating someone who's unemployed?" "Like a bum?" "Why does drama always follow me?" "You could get a job." "What?" "You could get a job." "I just had the job." "You could get the next one, I'll get the one after that..." "Do you know how insulting that is?" "You think I can't find somebody else that works?" "[phone alert]" "You just dumped me?" "Oh yeah, how do you like this?" "Unfollow!" "That was SO unnecessary." "OMG." "What was it all for, Kyle?" "Why didn't I notice all the suck?" "It happens all the time after a breakup." "You get a fresh perspective." "She's a total bitch, man." "Any girl you meet on /r/gonewild, it's not gonna last long." "No Kyle and Dave, I'm talking about my job!" "I mean it SUCKED!" "THIS WHOLE PLAN SUCKS!" "Whoa..." "I feel, like, a bit..." "a bit dizzy." "I think I'm gonna go lie down." "What's up with Jeremy?" "[stammering] Don't know..." "Kyle doesn't know either..." "Like, neither of us know, y'know?" "When are you getting back from China, Dave?" "Whoa guys!" "Jeremy goes!" "What?" "Jeremy goes?" "He just ran by!" "Oh shit!" "JEREMY!" "JEREMY, DUDE!" "How did Jeremy outrun you?" "He does the running at the gym." "I mostly just do punching and kicking." "And sometimes some throwing." "JEREMY!" "DUDE WHERE ARE YOU?" "JEREMY!" "JEREMY!" "Jeremy!" "DUDE!" " Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "BANG!" "You're it!" "BANG!" "My spell hit you first!" "I shot you first!" "We both got each other." "Let's both win." "Yeah, let's both win!" "You both SUCK!" "The world sucks so bad." "People in the world suck so bad." "Jeremy, it's your pills" "They're everywhere." "Walking around like they're winners." "Sucking at their job." "At life." "They only see the suck they wanna see." "They don't even know they suck!" "Hey please don't jump, dude." "JUMP?" "!" "Do you know how high we are?" "I could die!" "Y'know it's like they're playing a single-player RPG." "And they're the hero." "And no matter how bad they suck..." "still gonna win." "Always gonna win." "But the world's not like that." "The world's multi-player." "And when you think you're a winner, but you're actually a loser." "You're always gonna be a loser." "'cause you're not trying to get better." "The world needs to know how bad it sucks." "I'll do the movie, Kyle." "I'll do it for the n00bs." "Someone's gotta save the world." "From sucking itself." "And that kid totally hit that little girl first." "Oh yeah, that little girl sucked so bad!" "How does it look, Kyle?" "It's a little off-center, and kinda poofy in the back." "Like, on this side?" "On both sides, actually." "[sigh] It's been a while!" "Alright, I'm good to go!" "Doug, what are you wearing?" "It's my old shirt, Kyle." "Oh, I had to cut out the icons, though, 'cause work said it was too "offensive"." "Bunch of idiots." "What are you doing?" "Yeah, we'll get you a new one." "He's going to show the world it sucks?" "Uh, yeah." "He's pwns n00bs." "What?" "Nothing." "What's your plan for the romance angle?" "Boy meets girl is supposed to be Act One." "Uh, it's there." "It's not so much direct romance but more the idea of a romance." "Do you want the idea of a cheque, or a cheque?" "Because if you can shoot the picture on the idea of that camera" "I'll send it back to the rental house." "Sure, no problem." "I mean obviously we're gonna start with SC2 but I mean what RTS do we play after that?" "Like, it's been so long the genre is probably so big and popular now." "There's probably so many games I don't even know about." "Yeah I was maybe just gonna check out some FPSs, y'know." "Maybe the new Call of Duty..." "Yeah I was thinking those games are a little too easy, y'know?" "I don't think so, dude." "Well, maybe you're not doing too much thinking then." "I guess that's kinda what FPS players never do though, right?" "What are you talking about?" "There's tons of thinking in FPS." "You gotta know where the best spots on the maps are." "When to bait, when the flank." "Predict where somebody's head's gonna be." "Doug, I think there's more strategy in a MOBA's champion-select phase than, like, an entire FPS game." "Well, at least it's not some ultra-baby "oooh, just click anywhere to shoot me!"" "You don't even have to aim, it's just 'auto-attack' 'auto-attack'." "WOW, so hard!" "You know what Doug?" "When you're controlling a 200-plus supply army of" "Zerglings, Banelings, Mutalisks, Corruptors Brood Lords, Swarm Hosts..." "You don't have time to be thinking about, like, one little guy and his little gun." "Yeah, well, I guess they gotta make games for people with no physical skills, too." "Well I guess they gotta make games for people with NO BRAINS!" "Yeah, well, why don't you join my server and we'll see who has no brains!" "After I splatter yours ALL OVER THE WALL!" "Must be pretty hard with fifty Ultralisks in your base!" "KA-WHOOSH!" "KA-WHOOSH!" "Oh, Ultralisk!" "What is that a unit on the fairy team or the unicorn team?" "I'M TALKING STARCRAFT 2 NOT WARCRAFT 3, DOUG!" "K think about what the counselor said, Doug." "I think we need a time-out." "I think so." "Well, at least we're communicating." "OK XOBO, search "Pre-Ordained trailer"." "Whoa!" "They stopped numbering the Call of Dutys?" "I had no idea." "So much has changed since I last played a game." "Wow it's worse than I thought, Doug." "The noobification of games." "Noobification of games?" "Yeah." "See, most people that buy games are total n00bs." "So game design ends up being based on what people buy." "And the games keep getting noobier and noobier." "Oh so you mean like those first-person movies that take no skill, and it's like impossible to die?" "Like, press button, next scene." "Walk over here." "Hey, I'm in the next scene!" "Oh, you found some stupid clue?" "Now let's read this WALL OF TEXT!" "then when you finally get to fight something, and you wanna change difficulty?" "mid-combat?" "NO PROBLEM!" "Exactly, Doug, n00bs just want games that hold their hand through some terribad story" "Man it pisses me off!" "Take it easy, Doug." "We just gotta accept the fact that n00bs are gonna change games for the n00bier." "[laughter]" "You're not one of those game-change deniers are you?" "It's a natural cycle." "Right now there's a storytelling trend in gaming." "And I suppose it's not irreversible and not caused by n00bs?" "You calling me a n00b?" "I work in a game store." "You know how many games I play?" "Beat all the Bioshocks." "Beat the Fallout series." "I beat 'The Last of Us' original and remastered versions." "Oh, this guy." "This guy, Kyle!" "Those are single-player games!" "OK, you didn't beat anything unless there's another player at the other end." "OK?" ""Oh, look at me!" "I'm so pr0!" "I play all the games!"" "Seriously, name one game you pwn at that has a ranked ladder." "Seriously, one game." "What's your rank?" "Like a billion?" "Like a million-billion?" "Look, all I'm saying is, modern gaming is the best storytelling medium of all time." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Did you just say that games are a better storytelling medium than FILM?" "!" "Have you seen The Godfather?" "!" "The Godfather?" "That game sucked." "WHAT?" "!" "OH MY GOD!" "Oh, this guy, THIS GUY!" "He didn't mean that Kyle." "It's a game now is it?" "!" "OH, IT'S A GAME!" "He didn't mean it, Kyle..." "Kyle" "Hey!" "Is it 12:30 already?" "Ah, actually I'm just gonna have one drink today." "What can I get you?" "I'll have a..." "like, water." "In a cup." "For like... for free." "It's just I bought a bunch of games and stuff." "and my job kinda, like..." "stopped." "That's great!" "You hated your job!" "This one's on me." "I didn't hate my job..." "I mean you got your soul back." "And I don't mean that in a freaky," "New Age or religious way." "I just..." "A counter-culture way, y'know?" "Like not being a soulless cog in a machine making rich people richer." "Anyway you look different, and it's not that cyborg shit on your face." "So how is it that you also have zero savings after working all these years?" "Jeremy says there's no point in having money if you can just have stuff instead" "You know what?" "It's too bad people in movies don't get paid to be in 'em, though." "Yeah, that, uh... that sucks." "Let's go pwn some n00bs, Doug." "Oh yeah!" "It's about time!" "[pr0 montage music] ["Rhyme O'Clock" by Wordburglar]" "We gotta take it to the next level, y'know?" "Pwn the pros." "What, like tournaments and stuff?" "Yeah, with the whole world watching." "Yeah it's video games, guys." "Not the World Cup." "Sorry." "With the whole world that matters watching." "I dunno, man." "I just like to play." "I don't think you're thinking about the big picture, Doug." "You know that guy, he makes cars that run off of the sun?" "Elon Musk." "Yeah?" "Yeah, so this guy, he wakes up one day and decides "I'm gonna pwn at cars"." "But he doesn't just go up to one guy and start pwning up cars in his face." "No, he builds a factory of car pwnage." "Making awesome cars for the whole world." "So that everybody sees 'em and goes "Wow, my car totally sucks!"" "And that's how he made the world a better place." "What does that have to do with anything?" "Oh, I get it!" "So tournaments are like a factory of pwnage!" "Exactly." "You guys are" "Right." "This kale's so good today." "You do something different?" "Bit of paprika, some lime zest." "It was Dave's idea." "It really works with the maple." "It's, like, perfect." "Welcome, all you aspiring professional gamers." "I see some familiar faces I recognize." "Many new." "Here at XOBO we endeavor to bring gamers together." "To experience, compete, and share their love of gaming in both amateur and professional series." "We have great news to announce tonight." "But before we do that." "In the past we've given out hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash prizes." "Here's a recap of the events." "Wow!" "People get paid a lot now to play games." "I'm never playing games for free again!" "We probably still will though, 'cause it's fun." "Doug, if you say that, no one's ever gonna pay us." "Kyle, don't put that in the movie." "This year, we're doing things..." "a little bigger." "A little better." "With a prize pool of ONE." "MILLION." "DOLLARS!" "Which game?" "I don't know if I should say." "I don't want to start a Riot..." "LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!" "LOL!" "LOL!" "That's right!" "LOL for short, League of Legends the most popular game in the world!" "But that's a team game!" "Exactly!" "Team games are the most exciting." "A true test of your gamer skill is in team coordination." "[laughter] LOL!" "Teams!" "Skills!" "[laughter] Oh man, that's too funny." "That is too funny." "That is so funny!" "That..." "That..." "No seriously, like, it's League?" "OK, so who wants to be on the best team?" "Anyone here like winning and money?" "I need three more people that like money and winning." "If you play support I'll let you try out for my team." "LOL!" "Support!" "LOL! "Try out"!" "Lemme guess, you're a mid-laner?" "No, I don't even play the game, but if I did I'd probably just go Fizz mid and, like, carry my whole team." "Too many hard counters!" "My LeBlanc would be all" "Q-R-W-E, pop that fish!" "Troll poll, Q away!" "Mimic, distortion, you're dead!" "Nope, 'cause I Zhonyas'd, PIIIING!" "Flash-Q" "Juke, Chum the Waters, E-W, Auto, Q, Dead." "GG." "Hey, hey..." "Emma, is everything OK?" "Yeah, Shawn, it's fine." "Well, we'll have to see how it plays out in-game." "Yeah, totally." "Yeah, like Kyuzo's duel in Seven Samurai." "That's my brother Kyle." "He's a total n00b." "Well, you seem to know a lot for a guy that doesn't play the game." "Yeah, my brain osmosis-es all kinds of stuff." "So, is she your girlfriend?" "Kinda." "She's, uh, she's my roommate right now." "But I, uh, I gave her a lift here, so..." "And, uh, and I'll be giving her a lift home after, so..." "Uh..." "Jer-Jeremy's got a girlfriend though, right?" "Uh no, no..." "he's got a husband." "Oh!" "Good, good... good." "K, I just tweeted all the Top 10 Challenger players, see if they wanna join my team." "Should probably do some warm-ups." "OK, so how do you play?" "[singing] There's one map and two teams and on each team there's five players in three lanes: two bot, one top, one mid, and I think there's a jungle." "Nice!" "Noobs spawn, then the creeps spawn then you kill the n00bs, kill the creeps, get gold, buy items, take objectives." "GG EZ." "When do we get to kill people?" "Oh Doug, I'm talking epic ganks." "Jungler ganks and now it's 3-on-2." "Top laner gonna TP to that ward." "Wh-what's a ward?" "Kyle's a n00b." "Team fight!" "Oh he likes that!" "Look at the crits!" "Oh he likes that!" "PENTA-KILL!" "Well how do you win?" "Explode the towers!" "(oh it likes that!" ")" "Pop the inhib!" "(oh it likes that even more!" ")" "Kill the Nexus!" "I get it." "So it goes from farming in lane and pimpin' out the carries, then shifts to team fights and aces!" "Explode the Towers!" "Pop the inhibs!" "KILL THE NEXUS!" "OK you guys are going way too fast." "What are you talking about?" "Kyle, there's 12-year-olds ranked Master tier in this game." "Stop being such a n00b." "Jeremy, it's OK to be a n00b." "We shouldn't discriminate." "It's... not blowing me away." "I'm not seeing any romance here." "Listen, if this is just another bro-fest, buddy flick, we'll have to pull the plug." "No problem!" "I can deliver a romance." "And do whatever you can to up the sex appeal." "I need that female demo." "I'm on it!" "I know exactly what to do." "It looks fine!" "Are you sure, Kyle?" "It feels like, it's like, vacuum-sealed like all over." "Like what if I had to kick someone, y'know?" "When have you ever kicked anybody?" "Kyle, I'm just saying." "I wouldn't want to lose a fight 'cause of my clothes." "Oh man, I feel so free!" "Look!" "Doug's ready to kick someone's ass!" "Doug, I think that's a bit too much." "Hey, you're the one that wanted sex appeal Kyle and Google image search is never wrong" "He's right, Kyle." "Gawd, he looks so good it sucks I'm not real-gay!" "[singing] Let's talk about sex!" "Let's talk about sex!" "I'm all about sex!" "I'm all about sex!" "Kyle!" "You want in?" "Come on, Kyle." "Come on." "OK!" "Every n00b here didn't suck so bad when we played online." "But now let's see how you do in RL." "Ajay Fry, big fan of the show, honoured" "I'll be picking my team from the people that suck the least." "So minimize that suckage." "Let's go." "Go Lich Bane first next time, get those balls out of your mouth." "You just missed two CS in a row, dude." "You're trash." "Go home, uninstall the game." "That's good, that's good." "[whispers] He sucks in a way you can't even unlearn out of, y'know?" "Don't wanna make him feel bad." "No point in being a dick." "OK what's your problem?" "Seriously?" "How does Janna's Q touch you when you have boots?" "K, wards!" "Need more wards!" "I do the shot calling!" "No one calls engage but me!" "It was a clean ace!" "And I had to burn my flash!" "Can I get my flash back?" "You got some extra flashes somewhere under there?" "You see, the thing about flashes, Ajay Fry, they don't grow under keyboards." "K Doug, you made the team, obviously." "Actually I'm thinking about just sticking with FPS." "Ajay Fry, where's Ajay Fry?" "Uh, Ajay Fry left like twenty minutes ago." "OK, well if you see him you can tell him he can stop crying." "He made the team." "You made the team, too." "Actually I talked to Ajay Fry before he left and I convinced him to play support for me on my team." "Yeah, he's your support." "On my team." "No, my team." "Oh, OK, fine." "Yeah, I see, OK." "Our team." "No, my team that's not your team." "Yeah dude, no one wants to play with a Nazi." "Literally, a fascist, intolerant, Nazi." "OK well first of all, let's not wreck the word 'literally'." "I mean, it is the only word we have that means what it means." "And secondly, this team is the best chance we have at winning." "OK?" "That is what we all wanna do, right?" "See ya, Emma." "See ya!" "Face it, you're the most toxic player we've ever played with." "And honestly, I have met better mid-laners." "So you, uh, ready to go?" "Oh, ugh, I forgot my card." "Can you settle my tab for me?" "I already took care of it." "Oh, thank you!" "You're so sweet!" "Oh man..." "So painful..." "How friend-zoned that guy is." "Dude, it's killing me." "I don't know how to explain it, it's just the attitude that's all wrong." "It can't be like "Dude!" "WTF are you doing?" When someone fucks up." "It's gotta be like "OK, well let's do this!" "TOH-POW!"" "Even if a nooby-ass teammate flashbangs you you gotta be like" ""OK, whatever, but, LET'S DO THIS!" "OH YEAH!"" "Doesn't make sense to me at all, Doug." "Maybe I just wasn't cut out for team-dependent games like you." "No dude, you're missing the point." "I'm talking about the game outside the game." "You're the team leader right?" "Obviously I'm the leader." "Then everything you say has gotta make 'em play their best." "That's what leading is." "You gotta make 'em suck less by saying" ""Hey you were good at this one thing, but btw maybe this other thing wasn't the best"" "So MOBAs aren't really MOBAs, they're like RTS games with hero units... and then a bunch of auto-attackers that you control with words." "Yeah but don't call your teammates auto-attackers because then they won't play the best." "People gotta feel like you need 'em." "Even if you don't?" "Exactly." "It's like your teammates have these weird controllers with screwy button-mapping" "Like, up is down, and B is left, and "you suck" is "suck more"" "and "you're awesome!" is "suck less"." "I'll learn the button-mapping, Doug." "I'll learn the button-mapping." "Why don't you just learn to be nice?" "Kyle, wouldn't expect you to understand the complexness of what we're trying to do here" "What about the 'complexness' of what I'm doing?" "making a film?" "[laughter]" "Yeah, pointing a camera at stuff, Kyle." "Complexness." "LOL!" "He's got ya there, Kyle." "What a n00b." "No no no, get back!" "get back!" "GET BACK!" "NO!" "WOW." "Like first blood, less than a minute in the game." "Unbelievable this Ez." "This Ez just bought Last Whisper." "First." "Before IE or Tri-Force." "What do we say?" "What do we say?" "Hey, n00b Ez..." "Whoa, Wait." "Just 'Ez'." "Ez, you should probably build armor pen after damage." "Good, good." "OK, wow, if this Ez misses one more skill shot, ONE more..." "K GG!" "Report noob Ez!" "Intentional feeding!" "No, no, noooo!" "No!" "You're terribad!" "You suck!" "Ez you suck!" "Dude, stop!" "Stop!" "Gragas has no health!" "Go n00b Ez!" "Go n00b Ez!" "Go n00b Ez!" "Go n00b Ez!" "He's got him!" "[chanting] Go n00b Ez!" "Go n00b Ez!" "YEAH!" "Oh wow, go n00b Ez, fourteen minutes in the game, his first kill." "What an ADC, huh?" "Great job, Ez." "Well tell him, "Great job Ez"." "I can't, Doug." "I can't do it." "You already have it typed!" "Just hit enter!" "Good job, buddy, good job." "I don't want you on my team." "No, I need you on my team." "'Cause I know how awesome we would be together" "And if the universe is never gonna see our wombos..." "I..." "I don't know if I can live with that." "Five gamers." "PRO gamers." "Of e...qual skill." "Working together." "Fighting as one!" "'cause y'know there's no 'me' in team." "Unless, y'know, you're like typing real fast and you misspell the word and then there might be a 'me' at the end but even then it's at the end 'me' does NOT come first!" "If." "If you choose to join my team." "It won't be like I said before." "60-10-10-10-10." "No, it'll be 20, 20, 20, 20... 20." "So we all get equal say in how the team is run?" "Yeah." "I just really wanna be on the team." "Yeah, we're in." "Sweet!" "Let's do this then!" "TOH-POW!" "[unison] TOH-POW!" "Toh-pow." "And we're back!" "Welcome to the North American League of Legends finals!" "And I'll tell you what Deman, something tells me today is gonna be Pure Pwnage." "Looks like teh_pwnerer's coming down for a gank in the bot lane" "Bottom lane not really with him though but he's gonna catch onto Morgana." "Rocket Jump comes in, Tristana will pick himself up one" "Can he get a second?" "Trying to get into" "OH!" "The Flame Chompers from Jinx will stop them dead in their tracks." "Should get out alive, but it's a one-for-zero." "Vayne looking to push the mid lane, he's managed to catch onto Rumble." "Rumble just getting pinned on the wall." "Does manage to get his Zhonya's Hourglass down." "Jinx cannot handle him right now." "Gets himself one, gets a second." "He's gonna keep on pushing." "Gets on towards Rek'sai, puts a lot of damage down on towards him." "And now they're actually just gonna dive the tower!" "They get themselves onto one, can't quite finish him off though" "But look at the control!" "Irelia just gets dumpstered." "And they're gonna push straight on the tower." "This has gotta be the base!" "And Da Destroyers of Suck are 2-0 in the lead, just one step away from the victory!" "Very, very tricky setup here for Elise." "You've got Thresh joining him." "He's got to be careful he doesn't get caught out." "He's going very deep on this one." "He's gonna throw the cocoon out!" "This could be dangerous for Vi!" "That bottom lane surely got to come up for help here." "They've got about half-HP each." "There are the supports coming in." "The flash into the flay was actually repelled away from." "Brilliant play from Elise." "Twisted Fate comes down there as well." "Elise flashes away, somehow surviving that one." "And everyone extremely low, but here comes Vayne!" "It's a double kill!" "Won't be able to get onto Thresh but brilliant reaction!" "And with a final push Da Destroyers of Suck are the North American" "League of Legends Champions!" "Joe that was a truly impressive display of skills from all the teams today." "And an absolutely commanding performance as well from the new North American champions" "Da Destroyers of Suck!" "She just asked me to crash in someone else's room tonight." "Not in our double room, which *I* paid for." "Oh man, that's brutal!" "There's an extra bed in my room if you need a place to crash." "Cameraman!" "What are you filming?" "Why don't you come over here and dance with us for a little bit?" "I have to go, but I will be right back!" "Take our picture!" "I'll be right back!" "Jeremy, what's going on?" "So I'm talking to Shawn over there he has some pretty interesting stuff to say about a new mid-laner!" "Yeah?" "I've been telling you for weeks." "You're too concerned with your CS and you're missing team fights." "Yeah, team fights we're gonna LOSE!" "Of course I'm gonna keep split-pushing!" "How many times did they engage mid-game and we ended up four versus five?" "I have the highest KDA." "Every." "Single." "Game." "How many times?" "Four versus five?" "Oh I'm sorry, am I carrying too hard late-game?" "Must be hard, huh?" "!" "Yeah, you carry Doug!" "'Cause he needs to be carried." "He doesn't even want to be on the team." "You were the one that said that we need every team member to work together." "As it stands, we wouldn't even make it past the first round at World's." "OK, OK." "Well, we'll see what Ajay Fry thinks." "Ajay Fry?" "He's realistic." "Oh." "Oh I see." "He's on your side." "That's funny, all the guys seem to be on your side, huh?" "Alright... it's not about team play." "It's biology." "You're old." "You should've stayed retired." "Look, I'm sorry." "You're as good as a 30-year old can be." "We just wanna win." "Noobs Doug!" "Why are they such n00bs?" "!" "Well... maybe that's not such a bad thing." "Could try another game y'know." "Why not an FPS?" "No, it's gotta be League, Doug." "It's the biggest game, reaches the most n00bs." "We just gotta make a new team, and we'll train even harder." "No more sneaking in Counter-Strike at four in the morning." "WTF you spied on my Steam history?" "It's not really spying." "I mean, you were logged in." "Oh and I suppose you're reading my text messages now too?" "Oh, that actually reminds me!" "Remember when we broke up with our girlfriends and we're all like" ""OK we're totally never talking to those girls again!"" "Unbelievable!" "Are you serious?" "I play this game for you and you don't even appreciate it!" "I don't wanna be on your stupid lol team!" "Doug, I know you're mad." "I'm listening." "I'm so outta here." "I'm sleeping in Kyle's room!" "Oh, then tell friendzone I owe him a beer!" "Well, at least you won the tournament." "TWO WEEKS LATER" "Morgana..." "Dark Binding hitbox is so sick." "Sona's so OP in ARAM." "I'm going out." "Where you going with that keyboard, Doug?" "You wouldn't be going to play some FPS at The Node, would ya?" "Oh I guess we're not even trying to hide it anymore!" "Whoa, you're going AFK?" "Whatever, Kyle, it doesn't matter." "My reflexes are so slow anyway." "Almost 31..." "Oh, wow." "No more beer already, wow." "Jeremy if you don't get back to your game they're gonna report you." "Oh no, Kyle!" "But the tribunal!" "I'm so scared of the tribunal!" "Are you scared of the tribunal, Kyle?" "Oh look at me, look I'm Kyle!" "Like I'm totally scared of the tribunal!" "Oh and I make movies!" "I love making movies!" "I'm so pro at cameras!" "Make movies that no one wants to watch 'cause they, like, totally suck balls!" "Jeremy, that's my bag!" "Oh, this is your camera, Kyle." "I'll make movies, too, Kyle." "Look!" "Oh I'm so pro, I'm making movies!" "Give me my camera!" "Oh, this is so hard, Kyle!" "Look how hard this is!" "No wonder it's so hard to make movies, Kyle, you gotta press one button!" "Like, the micro, Kyle!" "Jeremy, that's my" "Oh, oh look at me, Kyle!" "I'm making movies!" "I wonder what we got in here..." "Oh, nooby stuff..." "Oh look!" "Jeremy!" "What is that?" "Pure Pwnage:" "Teh Movie by Kyle?" "!" "Oh, I gotta read this!" "Oh this is gonna be great..." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Oh, wow." "Effective!" "Hey I did say that!" "Jeremy give me that script!" "Wow, is that how you make movies, Kyle?" "You just write down what other people say?" "Maybe I should make some movies, Kyle!" "Oh no, let me read some more of this!" "JEREMY GIVE ME THE SCRIPT!" "My pills." "You guys took my pills." "Where'd you hide my real pills, Kyle?" "It's all your fault!" "Maybe if I had my real pills people would WANT me on their team!" "I'm gonna get some new pills and I'm gonna get my job back!" "No more movie for you, Kyle!" "Don't tear it!" "Oh?" "Why not, Kyle?" "Because, you're just wasting trees, I obviously have backups." "It's for drama, Kyle." "You should know that." "Oh yeah, yeah, OK, well, uh..." "tear it up some more then!" "Or how about I do the opposite?" "How about I tape it back together?" "Alright, well let's do that next to the window where there's more light." "How about I find the darkest place in the house?" "That's fine, I'll just turn up the ISO." "I'll turn down the ISO!" "It's camera gain, Jeremy." "It's camera LOSE, Kyle!" "See what's happening to your movie!" "You don't have a movie anymore." "Wait, what do you mean?" "Jeremy's not in the tournament, there's no girl, you're over budget." "The movie fell apart." "Wait it's just a setback, though!" "Well in any case, we're taking over the film." "Look, can you just give me another week?" "You go over budget, the rights revert to us It's in your contract." "We own everything now, the website, the TV show, the characters." "You can't own Jeremy, he's a real person." "Read your contract." "I'll take that camera now, too." "Uh..." "Kyle, Th" "Who are you?" "Oh I'm Mike, the new Director." "New Director?" "Where's Kyle?" "I don't know, actually." "But why don't you just keep gaming and I'll film you?" "How about I don't keep gaming, you don't keep filming, and you tell me where's Kyle!" "Look it doesn't matter, I'm in charge now, so." "Actually do you have a brighter shirt you could put on?" "That one's pretty dark." "You're in charge." "OK." "Well, I mean, let's just see if you can stop me from pulling my balls out." "Whoa, nope!" "There they are!" "There we go, is that some good footage for ya, Mike?" "You like that?" "Yeah that's great but why don't we concentrate on getting the day here." "I can bounce 'em, look." "Want me to bounce 'em?" "Who are you?" "Oh, hey!" "This is Mike." "He's the new Director." "He's filming my balls." "Why are you bringing your camera here?" "We're not using any more of your footage in the film." "Uh no we're using this footage in the film." "No we're using this footage in the film." "I'm directing." "Oh you're directing, are you?" "Well, hey Jeremy, why don't you put your balls away?" "Well sure, Kyle, I would love to put my balls away." "See?" "Yeah, OK, why don't we get your camera off set here..." "Whoa whoa whoa, hey Jeremy!" "Help me out here!" "Kyle, I would, but it's a ranked game!" "I mean, it's my promos!" "You know what?" "Why don't you just watch how a pro does this?" "Pro?" "!" "Look at this clown, he's still in the wide!" "Docs are shot in the wide." "Besides, it's a low angle." "Terry Gilliam would love this." "Terry Gilliam would puke if he saw your frame!" "Did you even go to film school?" "Oh yeah, VFS, where'd you go, the film school of MAH DICK?" "No, USC, like George Lucas." "You ever heard of him?" "Oh, what did they teach you there?" "How to ruin iconic trilogies?" "Hey man, get out of my shot." "You get out of my shot!" "What are you doing?" "It's so pedestrian." "Pedestrian." "What's that, the name of your first short film?" "A guy walking on a street, nothing else?" "You know what?" "Why don't you just watch your F-stop, OK?" "You watch your F-stop!" "That was totally out of focus!" "Guys, guys, hey, hey." "The game's over, OK?" "Kyle's the Director." "I'm only ever doing film stuff with Kyle." "'Cause y'know sometimes, even though people might kinda suck." "Y'know, you gotta look past the suck." "And see by the blow." "And y'know maybe you'll find the awesome." "Jeremy, I'm sorry we took your pills." "Ah, it's OK, Kyle." "I think I'm better without 'em anyway." "I thought you were gonna get your old job back?" "No, it turns out if you light your work on fire they don't let you work there anymore." "So let's finish the movie." "You can't, the studio owns the film." "EAT A DICK!" "Studio don't mean shit." "You don't need those bitches." "Dave's right, Kyle." "We don't need 'em." "I wanna finish the film, but we're out of money." "No we're not." "Tax credits, Kyle." "Just gotta go to the bank." "Set up interim financing credit facility." "It's easy." "Really?" "You can do that?" "Sure, it's just a little bit of A-counting." "It's all a part of pwning, Kyle." "Tell you what." "I'm gonna game on my terms." "You're gonna make the movie on yours." "BUT!" "No more scripts." "We're just gonna let stuff happen." "I'm still gonna get an IMDb credit for this right?" "NO!" "Today XOBO Brain Glass is the most popular product in facial computing." "But we've made a habit of revolutionizing our technology year after year." "That means we discover solutions to problems that have yet to exist." "The problem is, to better connect with our friends and family, we must first improve our connection with the device." "The true challenge is to overcome these obstacles without compromise." "We've developed a huge breakthrough technology with the new XOBO XL." "Our neural interface can read your emotional state." "Biometrics and more." "What you feel is communicated with a simple thought." "It becomes a more direct extension of the individual." "Emotive sensing technology is the absolutely optimal marriage between the end user and the consumer computing product." "See love, excitement, suspense." "On a vivid, more essential, capable display." "There's a simplicity to it." "You'll want to take it everywhere." "And always be connected." "And be closer to your friends and family." "An experience defined by hardware and software working harmoniously with your own brain." "An unapologetically seamless experience." "Fanatical attention to detail in the design." "World-changingly thinner, lighter, more robust." "It is a testament to how much we care." "Just think, and it will listen." "Introducing XOBO XL." "The world's most advanced, wearable face computer." "Get closer." "XOBO." "We make the future, the past." "Should've waited for the XOBO xls." "So thick and heavy." "Feels like my face is being pulled off." "This place is empty." "It's perfect, Kyle." "[pwnage music begins]" "Why Korean food?" "You never eat Korean food." "Koreans are the best gamers in the whole world, Kyle." "They have been, since like, ever." "Since games were only like, dice and cards and like, moving stuff around yourself." "Nobody knows why." "But it's time that I start breathing the air they breathe." "Eating the food they eat." "It's about new beginnings, Kyle." "New beginnings, that's great!" "Sure is, Kyle." "Kyle... do you like, know how to eat this?" "You like those Colossi?" "Yeah those Colossi like you." "They like your base, too." "They love your base." "*Colossi noises*" "Is that your base?" "I don't see a base anymore." "There's no more base, Kyle!" "B, or not B." "There is no C." "Defusing the bomb." "I only play Darius when it rains." "His axe." "Never rusts." "One rax." "Fast CC." "Blink Stalkers!" "Regretful silence." "GG!" "[crowd chanting] JEREMY!" "JEREMY!" "Jeremy!" "Jeremy!" "You OK?" "I'm pretty tired." "I think I'll go home now." "Excuse me, gentlemen." "I have a ride for you." "My employer would very much like to meet with you." "Is that a XOBO XL?" "!" "Yes!" "Cool." "That's awesome." "Jeremy, you don't even know where this guy is going." "Doesn't really matter, Kyle." "I'm just gonna lie down for a while." "Come." "OK, so where are we going?" "The island." "The island?" "[phone alert] *continue for one kilometer on rural route 8* *you are on the fastest route and your route is clear*" "*you have arrived at your destination*" "I think this guy lives in dayz." "Well there they are." "Come in." "Come in!" "Welcome to my retreat." "This is where I come when I'm..." "Designing the future." "It's so nice to finally meet you boys." "I trust the ride over was smooth?" "Oh, it was... great." "I guess." "Let me cut to the chase, guys." "Jeremy, I am a big fan." "I've been watching your streams and I love what you're doing with your brand." "The Korean street cred, the rebel without a cause attitude" "The monitor humping!" "It's genius." "Oh, thanks!" "And I think there's a real opportunity for us to work together here." "Oh, you mean like a job?" "Much more than that." "I'm talking effective cross-marketing." "Long-term mutual brand-building." "A partnership." "Jeremy, how'd you like to be a pro gamer?" "I am pr0." "I know you're a pr0!" "I'm talking pro pr0, a professional, salaried gamer." "The paychecks." "The world travel." "The Twitter followers." "The cosplaying fan girls." "Cosplaying fan boys?" "All of it." "How would you like to be in the League of Legends World Championships?" "I don't have a team." "Well you will now." "Play for my team." "[laughter] You're on a team?" "Aren't you, like, eighty?" "No." "I bought one this morning." "You might know them." "They were called Da Destroyers of Suck and they're representing North America at the World Championships next week." "Now they're called Team XOBO XL and I want you to be the team captain." "And of course, I'd like you to keep filming it all, Kyle." "I'm not just a fan of Jeremy's brilliance, I'm a fan of yours, too!" "Boom!" "Headshot!" "That's great stuff." "The movie will play an integral component in our strategy." "This type of product placement is immensely valuable." "The golden demographic." "But you know all that." "Actually, Kyle's movie is like totally GG." "Yeah, he's just like, filming stuff on his terms now." "He means the studio pulled the plug." "I bought the studio, too." "I've reinstated you as Director and I've increased your budget." "You're getting a raise, Kyle." "Ultimately the studio will require final edit, of course." "Sorry." "Just gonna kinda keep gaming what I wanna game when I wanna game it, y'know?" "Like maybe tomorrow I wanna play League." "Maybe tomorrow I don't." "Can't really promise that sort of thing." "Anyway, Kyle, let's go." "Super hungry." "Wait, Jeremy." "Just..." "it's one tournament, right?" "Like, you can give it a shot?" "My terms, Kyle." "That's how I'm gaming." "And I thought that's how you wanted to movie." "I understand, Jeremy, I mean." "League is maybe too hard for you." "Especially at your age." "No one's the best at everything and you're already the best at so much." "I'll just find someone who can really pwn League and show the rest of the world how much it really sucks." "LOL!" "Sorry." "League's too hard, Kyle." "Oh, I gotta sit down." "Someone better!" "LOL!" "Oh, this guy, Kyle." "This guy, wow." "I'm sorry to have to bring you all this way" "Listen, if you want, before you go" "My chef makes a truly pwnage Montreal smoked meat sandwich." "Think of all the smoked meat that you could buy with a million dollars." "Because the grand prize is yours, either way." "Guaranteed." "Win or lose." "Did I mention that?" "It's in the contract." "So all I gotta do is play in the tournament Nothing like, sucky, or boring?" "That's it." "All the while wearing your XOBO uniform and your XOBO xls, of course." "Do you have one of these yet?" "Here." "It's yours." "So, we have a deal?" "[game replay sounds via XOBO XL]" "Doesn't matter so much having old man reflexes, y'know?" "Can still kite." "I mean, reaction speed is just like, a small part of the game compared to team synergy." "Oh, yeah, cool." "You guys should see this replay." "Jer, we need to talk, man." "Y'know, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and, you're a great guy and all..." "I mean you're my best friend, and we're always gonna be friends, but... [game sounds intensify]" "Dude, I guess what I'm saying is." "I want a divorce." "Wha-what?" "That doesn't even make any sense." "Well it's what I want." "No, trust me Doug, it's not, OK?" "Our tax filings would be like" "It's not about taxes, dude!" "I'm moving out." "PWNAGE!" "Wow." "Wow." "Doug, I can run the numbers for you again but they're not gonna change." "Oh Kyle, my crits!" "My crits, Kyle!" "Wow." "XOBO World Finals Katowice, Poland" "K guys, I hope you went over the strats I sent out last night." "We're playing the Germans in the first round, they love to build tanky" "So we're gonna go with the 'protect the Vayne' strat I outlined on page 68." "Opening with a red buff invade." "It's gonna be a total stomp." "Any questions?" "New guy." "My name's Phil." "That's not a question." "Yeah what about that double-jungle into 1-3-1 laning strat?" "Gonna save that for the Belgians." "Oh Captain, my Captain." "What about the Koreans?" "Got something super special planned for them." "Total meta-breaking awesomeness." "Riot's gonna have to patch the game." "It's a little too complicated to put in the document, so." "We'll just go over it in person after we pwn all the Europeans." "Sounds great." "Alright, let's do this!" "[in unison] TOH-POW!" "Kyle!" "I can't believe we're here right now." "This is so amazing!" "Have you seen all the people out there?" "We made it!" "We've worked so hard to be here." "I keep meaning to say" "Thank you so much for shooting all this." "Y'know what?" "No one's ever said that." "I really appreciate" "Hey Kyle, we're about to go on, you should probably film that." "And make sure there's no more crap on the lens this time." "Team XOBO XL looking to make a gank on the bottom lane." "They're trying to recall, it's too late though." "Get the quick taunt across on towards Miss Fortune." "But here comes Xerath around the side!" "There's Miss Fortune, popping the Ultimate." "Shen gets caught and Xerath picks another up." "Fantastic stuff!" "And the push for that inhibitor turret is on!" "They've got Nidalee around the side here, but this is gonna be a pile!" "and a big Solar Flare comes into the middle the knock-up's in the middle of the team as well!" "Two of them low!" "Kalista getting pounced on!" "He's still alive though!" "He's managed to survive it!" "They get the kill, and they're gonna get the inhib tower as well." "XOBO XL pick up game number one and are within grasping distance of a victory!" "I've gotta be honest, teh_pwnerer continues to amaze us with his unusual, but dominant" "Pick and ban strategies." "I've never actually seen anything quite like this." "I mean, who needs a meta?" "Look at teh_pwnerer, he's doing whatever he wants, wherever he wants." "Reddit should be taking notes right now." "Looks like they're setting up for a gank in the bush." "They've managed to catch the hook on LeBlanc." "LeBlanc's gonna just about get away though!" "Coming in around the side, Katarina wants to get started." "Wants to get active, but can't manage to do the damage." "They're so low at the moment!" "They're gonna keep on pushing!" "This is a risky chase, Joe!" "They're still going!" "Rek'Sai's on them!" "There was a pull in as well, on towards Graves." "He's gonna try and get more of these kills!" "They're all so very low!" "Will pick up Ezreal, but it looks like the rest of the team are through" "NO!" "THE FLASH HOOK COMES IN!" "Blitzcrank will bring in Thresh for yet another kill." "teh_pwnerer absolutely living up to his name here." "Everybody has got to be wondering, though." "How will they fare against the Koreans?" "Jeremy, buddy." "Charles here." "Great work today." "Everyone at the office was watching." "We saw a massive jump in search engine traffic and a substantial increase in pre-orders and other KPI." "Very successful day, pal." "Join us tomorrow for the Grand Finals between the Korean champions" "Assassin's Blades, and the North American upstarts Team XOBO XL." "XOBO World Finals Last Day" "And that's what I learned after spending a week as a Korean." "It might not be obvious." "Because of their super, insanely awesome, mega gaming skillz." "But Koreans... are people." "Just like us." "Which is why we can win!" "Hey guys!" "Look what I got!" "Donuts!" "Jelly-style!" "Check it out." "Oh this computer's got CS?" "Nice." "So guys I was looking over all the replays last night" "I think I'm gonna make a change to the lineup." "Shawn, gonna move you to the top lane." "And Emma, you'll be the new support." "What?" "Support?" "You fucking kidding me?" "This is my team!" "Was." "Was your team." "You were gonna get spanked in the first round, to be honest." "But now it's my team and we're gonna do the spanking!" "This is bullshit!" "Dishonorable swine!" "Shawn, you don't have to be fake-mad for her." "You know it's the right call." "No, no, I should be the one playing support." "Shawn... even after the hotel thing?" "She's not gonna be your girlfriend, dude." "She's not gonna have sex with you." "OMG!" "I wasn't trying to" "Never." "Ever." "Wow!" "You just obliterated that friendzone!" "There's no such thing as a friend-zone." "It's just something guys invented." "Just let that truth bomb sink in." "Wait..." "Do you like me?" "Like..." "Like me, like me?" "Like, really?" "What do you think?" "I don't know what to think." "After all that I do for you?" "I mean..." "I drive you to work, I walk your dogs." "You love walking my dogs." "Do you actually think anybody loves picking up dog shit?" "Yeah, when she comes home from walking her dogs, she tells me where the dogs shat." "Then I go to the shitting location and pick up the dog shit." "Shawn we have been friends for three years." "If it hasn't happened yet, it's not gonna happen!" "What am I supposed to do?" "Am I supposed to be like "Oh, hey I'm Emma, nice to meet you"" ""by the way, I'm not sexually attracted to you"." "No, no, no." "You..." "You just need to stop pretending like you don't know." "Oh, this is so awkward." "Hey, don't worry about me!" "I got a super high tolerance for awkward situations!" "You know what?" "You know what?" "You're right." "You're absolutely right." "The friend-zone is something that guys make up." "And they build it piece by hopeful piece in their own heads." "And yes, I fabricated a friendzone!" "just like many a gentleman before me" "OK y'know, I like, totally don't have a tolerance for like awkward stuff." "So, uh, Emma... maybe you could. like. go?" "Shawn, you're still on the team." "And I'll change the subject, like, super fast as soon as she goes." "Shawn your friendship means everything to me." "Really?" "No..." "Probably not, dude." "You know what?" "Fuck you guys." "Did I tell you I was theorycrafting some Runaan's Hurricane builds?" "Totally gonna make Varus viable in the next patch, so." "Alright..." "Alright, let's do this!" "TOH-POW!" "Wasn't really a chant moment." "OK Shawn, you'll be back on support." "New guy." "Phil." "You go top lane." "And Doug, you'll be the new ADC." "He's not gonna do that, like, during the actual tournament." "Doug!" "Doug, wait!" "What?" "!" "Doug you gotta play ADC." "ADC?" "Man, I'm not playing any role." "I'm not playing!" "Doug there's no one else on the roster." "Without you we're four v five." "We'll lose in the suckest way possible." "Kyle, what kinda movie is that gonna make?" "Well no scripts remember, just let stuff happen." "Man, I got an earlier flight back, so." "By the time you get home I should be moved out." "You're moving out?" "!" "Oh wow, see, you don't even listen!" "Doug, we're a team." "Dude, that shit you said to Emma right before the finals." "How is that good for the team?" "You just can't help it." "I can." "Doug, just" "[XOBO alert]" "It's Charles calling, I gotta take this." "Just wait!" "OK?" "Hey Charles." "Jeremy!" "Your heart rate's up." "You must be excited for the big game." "Yeah... sure." "Listen I need you to do me a solid." "In your post-game interview, can you mention something about how the XOBO xls have really brought your team closer?" "Maybe talk about how the emotive sharing really helps you communicate?" "Yeah, OK, I guess." "And try not to look disappointed if the tournament doesn't go your way." "Win-win, remember?" "Yeah." "Win-win." "It's time!" "For the World Championship Finals of League of Legends!" "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the XOBO XL League of Legends" "World Championship Grand Final!" "After a terrific season and a hard-fought season." "We are now down to just two teams." "Our first team, to my right, representing North America" "Please give it up for Team XOBO XL!" "And their opponent, from South Korea, please make some noise for Assassin" "Before the game starts I... just gotta say something like super important" "This thing." "It's not super awesome." "In fact, it's just kinda meh." "I mean it does some cool stuff, but don't think it's gonna change anything about your life, or make you happier." "I think we all know that but we just don't act like it." "Y'know they say it's gonna bring us closer together, but..." "It doesn't. 'Cause, I mean, nobody really uses it that way." "What brings people closer together is what brought us here today." "Gaming." "We all love gaming." "A true pwnage synergy between teammates." "Y'know, stuff... you can't buy." "So anyway..." "I mean I think it's cool people can make stuff like this, but" "I'm just thinking that..." "Maybe my face doesn't have to ring all the time." "And, uh." "This is gonna be a four v five." "'Cause I deserve it." "OK, well, four v five!" "Very interesting new strategy." "We'll have to see how that one works out." "But, anyway let's take a quick look back at exactly how the teams made the grand final" "And here we go, starting out on the blue side." "It is gonna be Team XOBO" "Actually we've had a bit of a change of plan here." "In a last-minute name change, Team XOBO XL are now known as" "Da Destroyers of Suck and will be playing on the blue side." "And Korea's Assassin's Blades will be starting on red." "Jeremy, talk to me." "What's going on, buddy?" "Just making the world suck less, Charles." "If you don't wear the jersey and the product, you don't see a paycheck." "Yeah, I read the contract Charles." "The prize money is guaranteed." "No risk." "It's the very definition of win-win." "Without lose, there is no win." "This is the top Korean team." "It's four versus five." "You're throwing away a million dollars." "I don't care about the money, Charles." "This is about happy." "The only currency A-counting doesn't teach you about." "But gaming does." "We are on the same page!" "We are selling a great product!" "And without great products to buy" "Think how boring life would be." "What would people look forward to?" "Why would they do anything?" "Charles, Charles, Charles." "Yes, Jeremy?" "That's the noobiest thing I've ever heard." "I'm sorry about your movie, Kyle." "This is bigger than the movie." "This is life." "And no one has final edit on that." "You do whatever you have to do." "Thank you, Kyle." "And here we go ladies and gentlemen, the first, and probably last, four versus five World Championship Final" "This right here is history in the making." "The question is will we see the first surrender within twenty minutes on the International stage." "Well I've got to be frank, I'm not sure that they're gonna last that long." "Down at bottom you can see Braum, he's having a real problem right now." "No AD carry alongside him." "Thresh setting up." "A beautiful hook through the minions!" "He's in real trouble here." "He's gonna try and get away to his turret but" "Here comes Draven!" "Draven throwing those axes out." "Throws out his ultimate!" "He's gonna escape, but NO!" "The death sentence lands and he will go down." "First blood to Assassin's Blades." "He's held on well in this position, but we see his AD carry still AFK in base." "Not part of this final, and it's really costing them." "That's a nice little dodge away, though." "From that entire LeBlanc damage." "There come the chains though, this could be the first death of his" " OH!" "A last-second Zhonyas will keep him alive, and he hops away to safety." "No AD carry still with the team but they're looking to start a fight here." "Risky business when you can see those death sentences come flinging in!" "The Ultimate goes down, Braum's been destroyed!" "Lee Sin's in trouble!" "And they're gonna have to escape this one." "Two men down for nothing." "There's nothing they can do without their last man." "Stop the cab!" "teh_pwnerer, who's been unkillable throughout this entire tournament has finally gone down." "This is it." "What should be the final team fight of the tournament." "The Assassin's Blades are on the cusp of another World Championship." "Mid laner's taken very low, LeBlanc's gotta be careful." "But you can see, they have positional advantage in the river." "Poppy going a bit deep here." "They've gotta be so careful of Thresh." "He's been landing hook after hook throughout this entire game." "The Koreans are merciless so far." "They're catching on towards him." "Aggressive stuff onto Lee Sin there." "But what the hell!" "I DO NOT BELIEVE IT!" "Boom." "Headshot." "Absolutely bananas!" "Doug is back in the game Ladies and Gentlemen!" "And that Ace in the Hole will get the kill onto LeBlanc." "And they want the fight here." "They're gonna take the fight!" "And Doug is safe down the bottom side." "They've exhausted the Skarner." "It's really only Renekton to do anything right now." "But he is slowly, very surely gonna go down." "He's pinned against the wall, what a turnaround!" "Absolutely amazing stuff!" "What is happening right now?" "The Koreans just got decimated in the dragon pit and Da Destroyers of Suck can push up and take all the mid turrets." "I thought you didn't want to play." "I don't." "But you're my best friend, man." "So, like, what happened next, Kyle?" "Just read the line, alright?" "Read the line?" "I mean, I saw you there, you were on the side of the stage." "You had your camera, you're all like pointing it out, getting cool shots" "Like on the ground, like Scorsese and stuff." "Why don't we show 'em that footage?" "That should be great footage, Kyle." "Just tell 'em what happened." "You won." "OK, Kyle, I didn't just win, OK?" "We're talking the most pwnage comeback" "In the history of all eSports, the history of Earth, the history of the Universe." "OK?" "And my brother Kyle?" "He runs out of batteries!" "He ran out of batteries!" "He didn't bring any extras!" "Oh, LOL." "Oh it's too perfect, Kyle." "It's OK though, I got the replay." "Oh Nexus, oh you like that?" "Oh enemy nexus loves that!" "What's that?" "Is that me making our team the best team in the whole world?" "Yeah, right there." "You like that last hit!" "Whatcha thinking, like, professor teh_pwnerer, or?" "Ah, y'know, I was thinking maybe like just" ""teh_professorer"" "Sweet!" "I love it!" "I know!" "So, a teacher huh?" "Yeah, y'know, got a buncha money now, thought if I really wanna make the world suck less, maybe open up a school of sucking less at games, y'know?" "Maybe one day I'll inspire so many people to help so many other people suck less" "There'll be no suck left in the whole world." "Well that's very noble of you, Jeremy." "WHAT?" "!" "You guys?" "I was looking for a romance angle for the movie!" "Holy crap, Kyle, are you blind?" "It's been like a month." "Your camera doesn't see everything, Kyle." "Probably a lot more to the story than you got in your movie, y'know." "Can I see inside?" "Oh you gotta check it out!" "Thirty-two terabytes of wireless network storage." "Curved 4K projector screen." "WOO-HO-HO!" "OH YEAH!" "This movie was financed entirely by the contributions of Indiegogo backers." "Thank you for your continued support, you made the world suck less." "Hey Jeremy." "Kyle?" "What's going on Jeremy?" "Kyle, what?" "Kyle!" "Movie's over Kyle, don't know you keep filming." "Well I did a test screening and got some feedback on the movie, and some people were saying that they didn't like the way that Emma left." "People don't have to like everything, Kyle." "He's right, Kyle." "I mean I didn't really like the way I left either, but" "I think sometimes a few flaws make things more special, and uh," "Haters can go fuck themselves." "I just want the movie to be as good as it can be." "Look, Kyle." "We all won, K?" "Everyone on the roster got their share of the money." "I mean, all the stuff that happened before that..." "Who cares?" "Bridge is under water now, Kyle." "People were also saying that Emma's character wasn't really developed." "My 'character'?" "Yeah, Kyle talks that way about everybody." "What do you wanna know?" "Ummm..." "I'm into photography." "I mostly shoot cosplay stuff but I don't do cosplay myself." "I studied electrical engineering at college." "I once won the grand prize on a Nickelodeon game show." "I'm not super outdoorsy but I love to travel." "Spiritual, not religious, non-smoker." "And that is verbatim my OKCupid profile." "Alright!" "Uh, pickles cut length-wise and pickles uncut." "I'm actually glad that, y'know, we got everything out in the open." "It's actually much better to be honest." "And uh..." "Y'know we're best friends now, so." "So I'm... perfectly fine." "With just being friends." "It's... it's perfect." "It's... just perfect." "Wow, it's almost like the ball is like, glued to my car?" "Yeah, it's almost like I passed it right to you."