"There are Great opportunities" "For new talent In television." "I know from my own Beginnings in radio" "How important that First break can be," "And I've tried to offer Such a beginning" "To new performers On this program." "In a sense, that's What I'm doing now, too," "Having run out of fresh, Exciting, new ideas To bring you myself," "I feel I should give Somebody else a turn." "At any rate, this is In no sense a valedictory." "In fact, if anything, It's more of a valentine" "To a network And a profession" "That have been Very good to me." "I hope I've given them A good run for their money." "And who knows?" "Some day I may reenter the lists With a new saber," "Neither broken nor bent," "And plow up the field All over again." "So now, thank you." "Good-bye." "Good night." "Come on, lanket." "We're going to go home." "Come on." "Come on." "You think I should mention god?" "What do you mean?" "You know, in The closing good-bye" ""God bless you," Something in that vein or" "Well, hell, we plugged Everybody else On the planet." "Let's give The deity his due." "I just want to say A heartfelt and deeply Sincere "thank you"" "For the, uh, opportunity You've given me." "The last 10 years have Been your glorious gift" "To the people Of this country." "But they've also Have been a gift..." "To a man by the name Of Hank Kingsley." "[Sighs] wow." "[Sighs] Ok?" "Oh, yeah." "Ok." "Here's all the cards." "[Crying] Please, sweetheart." "I thought She stopped." "Yeah, For about 2 seconds." "I think the hormones From the baby." "Beverly." "Come on." "You're Gonna get me Started," "And, believe me, Nobody needs To see that." "You should've seen me At the end of titanic." "You think those people In the water Were wailing?" "Oh, god!" "[Sobs]" "Oh, please, people!" "Come on!" "Larry doesn't want to have Any display of emotion." "He wants to stay Focused on the show." "Just suck it up." "Thank you." "[Sighs] ahh." "[Crying]" "Fucking bunch of bullshit." "Hey, Larry." "Hey, phil." "How's it going?" "Good." "Um, hey, listen, I was wondering, um," "You know the letters Over by the band That spell Larry?" "I was wondering If I could, um, if I could take those?" "The letters?" "Yeah." "Yeah-- no, I mean, you know, Not all of them." "See, I have, I have This buddy ray-- His name's ray." "And I figured I could take The letters from" "That just Spell his name," "And then I could Put them on the lawn Of his house tonight" "And then when he Opens up the blinds Tomorrow" "And sees it Tomorrow, It's like "ray!"" "Well, you know, I think that those letters" "Are owned By the, uh, network." "But if it was up to me, Seriously, you would Not get them." "[Scoffs] come on, I mean, they don't Give a shit." "They're gonna Be in a dumpster After the show." "You know tomorrow night After the show," "Yeah?" "You're fired." "But for the last time, So celebrate." "Funny." "Don't ask me For the couch." "Uh, at what point Are you going to thank me," "Uh, tomorrow night On the show?" "Because Here's the deal" "I think, uh, my-- My thank-you should not Come directly after yours," "'Cause that would Sound tit for tat." "Now, I think I should Say my thank-you," "Uh, in the second Half-hour," "And yours, of course, Should come as close To the end as possible." "And please, give me A separate thank-you." "Don't lump me in with those Fucking craft service retards." "Okay." "Also I need..." "Well, an exact script Of what you're going to say" "Because I think our thank-yous Should complement each other." "Like wedding vows." "Wh-- I think you should wear A veil." "I think we should come down The aisle together, Maybe in white." "Excuse me, Uh, Larry?" "Artie and norman Are ready for you." "Well, I think we've done Very well, Larry," "I mean, the people that we have For tomorrow night's show" "You know what?" "I think it's a testament" "To how respected and admired And well-loved you are" "In the business." "Who?" "The emotional moment, Yeah." "The lump in the throat" "Carol burnett." "Hey." "Think she'll cry?" "Well, um, I didn't Go so far as To make the request," "But that call Can be made." "Ok, good." "Who do we have To sing to me?" "We have Clint black locked." "That..." "Is a man." "That's a fucking man!" "I don't want a fucking Man singing to me" "It's clint!" "You don't have to worry" "About the homoerotic Underpinnings." "He's a country music Singer." "But a man nonetheless." "And I think, by the way, We're a superstar short." "Did we have any luck On jim carrey?" "Well, that's iffy Because we never let him Plug ace ventura." "Come on, everyone Thought he was too broad." "Who knew He's gonna be so" "Hey, hey, I think That's warren beatty In the parking lot." "He must still be putting The finishing touches On bulworth." "That's already out." "Well, the man Is never satisfied." "Excuse me." "Hey, warren." "Hey, Larry." "Hey." "Uh, listen, How would you, uh," "[Deep breath]" "Like to come on my Show tomorrow night?" "Just say a little Good-bye to me," "'Cause, you know, It's the end of The whole..." "Thing Tomorrow night." "I" " I could say Good-bye to you now." "No, but-- heh heh," "There are no cameras Or anything here." "Tomorrow night, Millions of people." "We got A fantastic show." "Who do you got?" "We have Carol burnett," "We have, uh, Greg kinnear," "Sean penn, Tom petty, Clint black" "Who?" "Clint black." "He's a country music Singer." "He's gonna sing, Uh, good-bye to me." "It's gonna Be fantastic." "Good-bye." "Hey..." "Maybe like a pretape." "Let's, uh, Let's think about it." "What about David Duchovny?" "He's a little Too needy." "That would be Distracting for me." "Uh, we believe that David's in love With Larry." "What?" "Please." "He's married." "Larry: huh?" "So was Rock hudson, ok?" "Oh, it wasn't real." "It was arranged By the studios." "I didn't know that." "Really?" "Fellas, please." "Who else?" "Larry, look, We need David Duchovny." "You know, He's very big." "And, you know, We lost kevin costner." "He slipped on some ice Making his new movie." "The whole thing was All on ice or something." "I don't know." "[Dial tone On speaker phone] Crazy." "[Sighs]" "[Dials phone]" "I know his number By heart" "Because he's A good friend of mine." "[Line rings]" "David Duchovny: hello?" "David, it's Larry." "[Lowers voice] Hey, Larry." "How you doing?" "Uh, I'm glad You called." "Listen, I been Thinking about you." "Is this A bad connection?" "[Whispering] No, it's just that, Uh, téa's here." "Hold on." "Let me go into The other room." "Hold on." "David: yeah, just shut-- Shut-- shut the door." "It's my mother." "It's my mother." "Ok." "Hey, how you doin'?" "How's téa?" "Téa is great." "You dating anyone?" "I'm dating illeana douglas, As a matter of fact." "She's fantastic." "It's just a wonderful Male-female relationship," "And I am so happy." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Uh-huh." "Can i-- can i Ask you something?" "Look, why don't we Have lunch tomorrow And talk about it?" "I'll be in town." "Well, ok." "Oh, great." "So why don't you Just meet" "[Whispers] Meet me-- oh" "Meet me at The bel-air hotel Around noon" "The where?" "Bel-air hotel!" "Now, i'll talk to you" "I'll see you Tomorrow, bye." "[Click]" "I am not meeting him At the bel-air." "I am not meeting him..." "[Knock on door] ** [Soft piano]" "There he is." "Hey." "Hey, how you doing?" "Come on in." "Good to see you." "Good to see you, Too." "[Laughs]" "God..." "You look great." "Thank you." "Your hair Looks great." "Téa here?" "Téa?" "Uh, she Went golfing." "Really?" "Yeah." "Well, that's fantastic." "Yeah." "You look great." "Thanks." "So do you." "I mean, whatever You're doing." "You working out?" "A little bit." "What's up?" "You're not Gonna believe this." "See, we have This big, you know," "Final show tonight, And kevin costner drops out." "Oh, shit." "And, you know, It's the last night Of the show, so..." "Would it be imposing..." "Uh, to ask you If you would do the show?" "You know, I've Actually been wanting" "To be on the last show." "Very much, And I'm glad that, uh," "You finally asked me." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Hey, I heard you Got rid of stevie grant." "Did?" "Yeah." "His behavior Was so detesticle." "Is that a word?" "What'd I say?" "You said his behavior Was detesticle." "Did i?" "I meant despicable." "Yeah." "Hey, uh, Can I have some fruit?" "Yeah." "Appreciate it." "Monday night!" "Can you believe it?" "No." "Man, I'm scared to death." "Hey, I'm not blowing Smoke up your ass." "Larry did the show For 10 years." "You're gonna do it For twice as long." "This isn't jeane dixon Talking here." "This is reality, man." "You think?" "Yeah!" "Ha ha ha!" "I gotta talk To Larry, though." "You know, I haven't Had a chance to" "Oh, don't worry About Larry." "Ok?" "Larry's a thing Of the past." "Ok?" "The guy's The 8-track." "He's a fucking Horse and buggy, that guy." "This is darwinism." "Don't fight it." "You'll fucking lose." "[Sighs]" "Hey, Larry," "Beverly told me You were in, uh, makeup here." "Bruce, excuse us a second." "Hey." "Sorry." "Look, I know this is weird." "How you doing?" "Good." "How are you?" "Good." "I just wanted to tell you" "I'll be thanking you At the top of the show On monday," "First thing." "No need to do that." "No, I'm going to tell everyone" "How much I've appreciated Your support," "Just what an honor And a huge challenge" "It's going to be to even try Following in your steps" "I would skip "challenge." Leave out "challenge." Do "honor."" "That's a good note, And i'll" "Tighten it up." "Get to the jokes." "I'll say it twice." "Did stevie grant tell you That he was signing me Beforehand?" "No." "No, he didn't." "I didn't know that." "Well" "Well, well, hello, Jon." "Hey, arthur." "Monday all ready?" "Right." "[Chuckles]" "Listen, have a great show." "You as well." "Thank you." "Excuse us." "Thank you." "[Chuckles]" "Let's go, buddy." "Let's do the show One more time." "Who are these people?" "Faces from the past." "They always show up For a wrapped gift." "Darlene, my goodness." "What a delight." "I thought You were in india." "I was." "Larry, I'm so glad you're Changing your life" "And leaving All of this behind" "And creating a new Universe for yourself." "It's just a big trap." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "See?" "He's Changing already." "If I had said that To you before," "You would have Thought I was crazy." "Lady, you must Let go of Larry." "Jerry, right?" "Yeah." "Gosh, I fired you, what, 4 fucking years ago?" "I'll be damned." "Yeah, I just wanted to see After you fired me" "And fucked up my life If you'd stand there And smile at me" "Like we were Old buddies." "[Chuckles]" "Well, now you know." "Yeah." "Huh?" "Huh." "Nice." "Good to see you." "Good to see you." "Hey, Larry." "Good to see you." "You don't Remember me, do you?" "Uh, yes, I do." "Yes, I do." "Absolutely." "Of course I do." "I'm happy you're here." "Thank you for-- The lighting guy." "I know." "I know." "The lighting guy." "I understand." "The sound guy." "This is martin, The sound guy you fired" "After he hit you In the head with a boom." "That's right." "3 days in a row." "Still a record." "Heh heh heh heh." "Screw you, Larry." "Yeah, screw you." "Sid's brother." "Hi." "There are no more People from the past Out there, are there?" "No, but I got A present for you." "The great jim carrey Is in the house." "Heh heh heh heh heh." "Hank:" "live on tape From hollywood, the Larry Sanders show." "Tonight, join Larry And his guests jim carrey," "Tim allen, tom petty, Sean penn," "Carol burnett, David Duchovny," "Greg kinnear, clint black, Bruno kirby, and me," ""Hey now" Hank kinglsey." "And now, because This is the last time" "I'm going to say it," "Larry..." "Sanders!" "[Audience cheers]" "Thank you so much." "Honestly..." "You'll have nothing Left for the end" "When I finally Do say good-bye." "Blow it all now." "I couldn't be" "What a delightful Response, honestly." "I'm just, uh, thrilled." "Thank you so much." "Of course, this is Our, uh, last show." "Can you guys Hear me all ok?" "Audience: yeah!" "That's so important, Because we just installed" "The sound system today." "I didn't realize" "It was the end of the show Till last night." "I was lying in bed With a woman, and I said," ""Seriously, we're Gonna have you on soon."" "Now I'm in trouble." "Because the show, oddly-- This show, oddly," "Is like my sex life in that It lasts about an hour," "There's applause, and I'm Usually interrupted by Hank." "What will you do when The show's over, by the way?" "You have any plans?" "I, um, I don't know." "A lot of driving." "Have you been there Every night, right there?" "Oddly enough, This show has survived 3 presidential Administrations," "And, oddly enough, Clinton is our first 2-intern president." "Do you realize When we started this show 10 years ago," "Michael jackson still Looked like michael jackson?" "How's your Talk show going?" "I'm acting now." "Really?" "Yeah, i, uh," "I got an academy award Nomination." "You're acting?" "Yeah, I mean, it's" "It's a snap." "One minute I'm talking To tempestt bledsoe" "At 1:35 in the morning About her dogs or something," "Next thing you know I got a nomination." "It's like..." "God bless you." "This monica lewinsky scandal." "My goodness." "Would we have ever thought We'd end up back here With monica lewinsky?" "I remembered, when This show first started," "It was just enough That reagan had brought" "The soviet union To its knees." "Bob, is that all we have On the cards?" "After all these years, We're out of cards," "So we'll be right back." "We have Some sensational guests." "Thank you for joining us." "We'll be right back." "No flipping." "Welcome back." "This is a first." "A fantastic night For, uh, us," "And a fantastic Night for you" "Because we are Starting off our show With mr." "Jim carrey!" "Jim carrey!" "Wow." "You'd think it Was your last night." "Wow, man." "This is incredible." "What energy In this place." "Welcome." "Welcome to the show." "This is" "Hey." "Wow, look at this." "That's fantastic." "Isn't that something?" "Oh, please." "I cannot Thank you enough For being here tonight." "You know that I'm a gigantic fan" "And really appreciate You coming here tonight." "It's an honor For me to be here" "On this historic night." "Really, truly." "I mean, what a legacy He's left." "Hasn't he?" "It's just fantastic." "I mean, it's-- it's..." "To go out" "When you're At the very tip top Of your game." "That's fantastic." "The cream of the crop." "King of the hill." "Cock of the walk!" "That is so kind." "I know walk Is certainly correct." "Well..." "That is really nice." "Thank you." "Yeah, you know, It's great." "Did you ever see the last Episode of newhart?" "Yes, I did." "Fantastic." "Oh, so funny." "When, uh-- when, uh..." "Bob goes back And has the dream," "And he's suddenly In his own show," "His old show, and it just" "I just-- That's right." "Um..." "They do kind of a" "Uh..." "Um..." "You know, It's almost like they're, uh..." "Just right in the..." "I'm sor-- I can't do this." "I can't do comedy right now." "What is it?" "What is it?" "What is it?" "What is it?" "You're leaving, Larry." "Just when I thought Everything was solid In my life..." "You decide to go." "You know, I can't get it up." "Ever since the announcement, I've been flaccid." "I'm sure everyone In this audience Feels the same way." "We need us some Larry, Right, guys?" "If you're as upset About Larry leaving This show as I am," "Say no way!" "Audience: no way!" "If you feel The same way I do," "Like Larry owes you..." "For all the years You've devoted to him," "Say no way!" "Audience: no way!" "No way!" "No way!" "No way!" "No way!" "No!" "No!" "Way!" "Way!" "No way, way!" "No way, way!" "No, no, way, way!" "No, no, way, way!" "Nnn!" "Nnn!" "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Wuh!" "Wuh!" "Ay!" "Ay!" "* No, no, no, no way *" "* No, no, no, no way We're living without you *" "* We're not livin' Withoutcha *" "* Mmm, There's just no way *" "* No way *" "* Tear down the mountains *" "* Yell, scream and shout *" "* You can say What you want *" "* We're not walkin' out *" "* We don't need no leno, Conan, or dave *" "* If you want you Some Larry *" "* Let's give him a wave *" "* Whoo *" "Come on!" "All: * whoo *" "* And *" "* I * * I am *" "* Telling you *" "* You're not goin'!" "You're not goin'!" "*" "* Ha ha!" "*" "* 'Cause you're the best Host I've ever known *" "* There's just no way You can leave this *" "* Leave this, Leave this show *" "* No, no, no, no way *" "* Larry, There's no way we're *" "* Livin' without you *" "* We're not livin' Withoutcha *" "* Not livin' Withoutcha *" "* We don't Wanna be free *" "* And you, You're stayin' *" "* You're stayin' *" "* And you, And you, and you *" "* You're Gonna love me *" "* Yeah, yea-ea-eah *" "* You're Gonna love me *" "* Yeah, yeah, yeah *" "* You're gonna *" "* Love me *" "[Growling] * Love me *" "* Love me *" "* Lar *" "* Ay-ay-ay Ay-ay-ay *" "[Screeching] * Larry!" "*" "[Blubbers]" "Larry: jim carrey." "We'll be right back." "I don't know even-- I don't know how To thank you." "That was So fantastic." "Let's just cut The crap, Larry." "Ok?" "You never Liked my work." "Huh?" "Till I got Hugely famous." "That is not..." "True." "I happen to" "What are you Gonna do now?" "Movies?" "I'll crush you." "I-- are you Doing a bit now?" "Larry..." "[Whispers] We're off the air." "This is real life now." "Can I be honest With you?" "Yeah." "I'm here For 3 good reasons." "Last show, big ratings, Movie coming out." "Bim, bam, boom." "Otherwise, I'd be sitting home And watching nightline." "As usual." "There's too many Singers, Artie." "There's 3 people here Already that think" "They're singing Good-bye to Larry." "Yeah?" "Hey, I don't Know what you're Telling him," "But you told me That I was doing The good-bye song." "Quiet down, cowpoke." "I'm talking to Artie." "Hey, those were Your exact words." "Well, that's right" "I thought I was your bette midler." "This is bullshit." "Let's not forget Why we're here." "All right?" "It's Larry's Final show." "Was I talking To you?" "Well, you are now." "Hey, look, this guy's Nominated for an oscar, All right?" "For what, talk soup?" "Hey, take it easy!" "Greg, no!" "I'm all right." "I'm all right." "Whoa, guys!" "I haven't seen Such a rumble" "Since the stones Played altamont." "Well, then, You don't need me." "Ah, come on, tom." "You've already Got roy rogers." "Hey, man" "Kick his ass!" "Kick his ass!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "[All shouting]"