"You." "You who mingle with success like just another habit." "You, who are just as used to victory... in business as in the most exclusive sports." "You, who are accustomed to have men respect you... and women admire you." "You... can you tell us how you do it?" "The present concert by the Les Luthiers group of informal instruments... is totally constituted by works by the famous composer..." "Johann Sebastian Mastropiero." "Mastropiero was a great friend... of the duchess of Lowbridge, a woman of advancing years whose charms hadnt diminished... with passing years: they had vanished." "Mastropiero simulated an ardent passion for the duchess, but, behind her back,... courted her daughter, Genevieve;" "in this way he could always enter... the castle and frequent her granddaughter, Matilda." "Such a game of flirtatious make-believe worked wonderfully;... it wasnt the first time this system was employed... by the three women." "The duchess of Lowbridge was the president of the Association for the Protection of Ancient Music, and in that capacity... commissioned Mastropiero to compose a madrigal for voices and instruments based on some popular legend." "Johann Sebastian then began to delve... into the stories being told in the village near the castle." "He thus discovered the terrible legend of the dog at a Carmelite convent... I was saying... he thus discovered the terrible legend of the dog at a Carmelite convent, which on the nights when there was a full moon converted... into a man." "Or likewise the painful legend of the seventh male son of a Protestant... pastor, who on nights with a full moon was converted  to Buddhism." "Ultimately, Mastropiero decided to compose his madrigal on the simple story... of the maiden who after washing clothes in the brook goes to market,... where a shepherd is selling a lamb." "Although she seems very skinny, the maiden decides to buy her." "At the entrance to the forest, the sheep attempts to flee, but the child holds her back." "Then,... a handsome rider arrives who falls in love with her,  with the girl." "The maiden, shyly, dares not respond to his wooing." "Lastly, the rider departs and the child remains sadly behind, missing him." "Mastropiero, initially, named his madrigal, as was the fashion,... after the first line of the poem." "He called it "The Beautiful and Charming Maiden Left to Do Her Washing"; but later, he found the length of this first line inadequate for a title , so he renamed his madrigal, calling it..." ""The Beautiful and Charming Maiden Left to Do Her Washing, Dipped lt in the Brook, and With a Song Washed lt, Scrubbed lt On a Stone, Hung lt Up On A Birch Tree"." "Precisely, Les Luthiers begin their concert tonight,... playing, by Johann Sebastian Mastropiero... well... "The Beautiful and Charming... bzz, bzz..." "Hung lt Up From a Birch Tree."" "The beautiful and charming maiden left to do her washing,... dipped it, dipped it, dipped it in the brook,... and with a song washed it." "Scrubbed it on a stone, hung it up on a birch tree." "Falalalah." "After doing the wash, the child went to market;... a shepherd, a shepherd, a shepherd was selling lambs, proclaiming loudly:..." ""See what a lamb, see what wool, see what a beast, what an animal!"" "Falalalah." "The child saw it very skinny, and yet, she liked it:..." ""l'll pay you twenty shillings and lets not argue further."" "Falalalah." "The girl returns singing,... very happy with her lamb." "On reaching the forest... the little lamb fled." "Desperate, the child... hurled herself on her;... swiftly and skillfully... grabbed her from behind." "Falalalah." "Coming down the road, a rider of haughty mien." "Got off, got off, got off his horse,... and sang to the child:..." ""lll pay you twenty shillings, and lets not argue further."" "Falalalah." "The child, blushing, solely half-closed her eyes." "The rider, the rider, the love-smitten rider,... sweetly approached,... dipped it in the brook and with a song washed it." "Falalalah." "The maiden withdrew a step, and the rider so bold,... hurled herself on her and grabbed her from behind." "Falalalah." "Seeing the child trembling,... he scrubbed it on a stone." "Falalalah." "When he was about to leave,... he hung it up on a birch tree." "Sorrowfully the maiden sings:..." ""See what a beast, what an animal!"" "Falalalah." "And she seem extremely sad,... and yet, she liked it." "Falalalah." "When Mastropiero traveled to the United States, intent on composing music for the movies... two things had a strong impact on him." "The first was how imposing... the Hollywood studios were." "Bent on achieving success, Mastropiero went directly... to the biggest production studio of all;" "he wanted to start at the top." "The top was a slippery place... and that produced the second impact." "Mastropiero was admitted, anyway." "Mastropiero was admitted any which way." "Nevertheless..." "Nevertheless,... he caused a good impression on Skinny Walrus." "Skinny Walrus... was the president of Walrus Brothers." "Skinny Walrus... commissioned Mastropiero to compose the background music... for a film being shot by the celebrated director Ralph Smith,..." "The Abominable Beast... (the director; the film was called "The Mysterious Killer")." "We shall now hear the soundtrack of the advertising preview... of the movie "the Mysterious Killer," in which one may appreciate the music... composed especially for the film by Johann Sebastian Mastropiero." "Here it is." "Listen, how beautiful: "Although the sun is already hidden, dont expect me to flee,... as faithful a lover as..." Huh?" "Its not garbage!" "Its a poem by Torcuato Gemini." "Torcuato Gemini nineteenth century fourteen twenty..." "Oh, no, thats the price!" "Youll never forget this movie." ""The Mysterious Killer."" "An hour and a half of impenetrable suspense." "Until the last minute you wont guess who is the killer." "What had happened that dawn at the farm?" "Cluck cluck cluck cluck" "Whose were the steps that the beautiful Molly said she had heard... approaching along the corridor?" "Why had the fearsome Rex barked?" "Yip!" "Why was old man Sinclair laughing?" "Hee hee hee!" "And who was laughing with him, the killer?" "Har har har!" "What were those sounds of fighting?" "Biff, pow, sock, crack, bam, biff, pow, ouch!" "Why did the old servant, Mrs. Fortune, maintain that stubborn silence?" "(...)" "Why did Jack the stranger swear he had also heard the steps,... but retreating along the corridor?" "Why did Rex bark again?" "Meeow!" "Woof, woof, woof!" "Was he asking for help for old man Sinclair?" "Was it true that the old servant, Mrs. Fortune, had been horror-struck... on running in the barn into the disfigured body of old man Sinclair?" "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!" "What strange relationship linked the beautiful Molly and Jack the stranger?" "I love you, Molly, I love you" "Who was the killer?" "Nobody will be able to guess it until the last minute." "You mustnt miss "The Mysterious Killer."" "The movies never dared go so far." "An hour and a half of:" "uncertainty,... -har, har, har suspense, violence,..." "Biff, pow, take that, you bastard!" "terror,..." "Aarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" "passion,..." "l love you, Molly in a wild natural environment." "Cluck cluck cluck cluck!" "One of the characters in this story is the killer, but you... wont discover which until the last minute: "The Mysterious Killer."" "With the performance of Rose Flowerstink as the old servant, Mrs. Fortune." "In the role of old man Sinclair, Peter Canthropus." "The charming Pretty Nuts as Molly." "And in the role of Jack the stranger:" "Gary..." "Baldy." "Dont miss "the Mysterious Killer."" "If youve already seen it, dont reveal how it ends." "If you havent yet seen it, you wont guess until the last minute... that the killer is Jack the stranger." "Likewise for Walrus Brothers, Mastropiero composed the music... for a documentary about Wildstone University." "This short was premiered at an emotionally charged academic gathering... held in the auditorium at that university." "The dean,..." "Elizabeth Replansky, had the task of handing Mastropiero... an honorary degree; the captain of the football team,... representing the student body, was in charge of shaking his hand,... and Dr. Offshore was in charge of putting it in plaster." "We shall now hear the soundtrack composed by Johann Sebastian..." "Mastropiero for the documentary "Visit to Wildstone University"" "An F, please." "Huh?" "F." "F." "F." "Open the hot tap some more." "There." "Wa...!" "Wa...!" "Waaaaalrus Brothers present..." ""Visit to Wildstone University"" "Today we invite you to get to know... the old and well-established Wildstone University." "Already we see the highly animated students strolling along the well-kept gardens... that frame the lavish and imposing façade; these scenes,... the purpose of which is to disprove the reputation for decay that has been foisted... on Wildstone University, are strictly documentary,... and have been filmed at Columbia University." "On the other hand, this modern, experimental coop we are seeing,... suitable for studying the behavior of two hundred chickens,... is indeed located at Wildstone University,... more precisely in the office of the president." "We shall now introduce you to the president,... who will personally explain this situation." "This is the only place on our campus in which these poor..." "Says the president: this is the only place in the university... where the chickens are properly protected from the voracity of our mischievous... and naughty students." "our stupid, idiotic and criminal students." "Each year, 3,000 young people from around the country arrive at Wildstone in search of science;" "the university currently has... 58 students." "And now let us take a glance at daily life at Wildstone;... we begin a stroll through the student dorms, where... our attention is drawn by a young couple whom we follow with our cameras... with the aim of pres/mages we are seeing correspond to the auditorium." "The serious and solemn atmosphere of the classes has changed a lot, lately;... nevertheless, a certain respectful fear hasnt vanished from the lecture halls,... it continues to exist..." "...among the teaching staff." "And now, let us enter the lab." "Here, in this modern laboratory, a group of researchers... of the university attempts to isolate the fearsome UU-R12 virus; scientists... hold that, once isolated, the virus will die  of boredom." "For the faculty, and for Wildstones students, amusement and recreation are no less important than studying;... they are more important!" "Here, precisely... is a parade by the young and beautiful" "Wildstone University drum majorettes, providing the beat... with their golden boots and their extremely short skirts." "With saucy grace and slim beauty these colorful girls entertain... the students at competitions, children at parties,... at customers at various nighttime establishments." "Thank you, girls." "Let us now take a peek at the work of the Wildstone Chorus,... as it practices the anthem of the university." "Oh, Wildstone, oh Wildstone in old times and today... house of knowledge and home of culture... where wisdom finds its way." "Beneath your ancient trees..." "This is the only university choir that appears every year... at the celebrated Carnegie Hall... and hasnt yet been admitted." "There's glory and harmony..." "And so we say goodbye to Wildstone university;... were left with its memory." "And although now we must... leave it for a time and say goodbye to it, in our soul we treasure the intimate desire... never to return." "The two works heard werent actually Mastropieros first contribution to movie music." "Many years before, living in Paris,..." "Mastropiero had worked as silent movies piano accompanist,... at the celebrated "Vieux Royal," the customary meeting-house... of the intellectual avant-garde." "Yes, Ava Gardner, what a dame!" "Avant-garde." "Ava Gardner, some dame!" "No, no, avant - gar - de." "Ava Gardner?" "Avant-garde." "Avant-garde?" "You mean it?" "What a dame!" "In that period, a tender teenager, named Henriette, used to sit... alongside Mastropiero on the narrow pianists stool,... closely watched by her mother, Madame Leforquier." "With Henriette at his side, Mastropiero pounded the piano,... illustrating the movies, which were mute." "Henriette, luckily for her, was deaf." "And the mother, luckily for Mastropiero, was blind." "Musically, this period of Mastropieros wasnt too brilliant since... between the darkness of the theater and the perturbation that Henriettes closeness caused him..." "Johann Sebastian ended up playing on just about anything." "Most outstanding within this period of Mastropieros was the music he composed... to accompany a classic of the silent screen: "Kathy, Queen of the Saloon"." "Casey, the queen?" "Casey almost made it as the queen." "Kathy." "Huh?" "Ka-thy." "Are you lithping?" "Case..." "Kathy, Kathy!" "Cathe in point, for thome screeningth at movie houtheth, this film..." "Case in point, for some screenings at movie houses, this film tells a typical... story of the Far West, in which a heroic cowboy saves the beautiful star from the clutches of a deformed villain." "Yeah, some movie!" "Youve seen it?" "Twice." "The second time I didnt understand it." "We shall now hear, by Johann Sebastian Mastropiero,... the music to accompany the silent movie..." ""Kathy, Queen of the Saloon" in its original version for solo piano." "Tell me, just answer me, partner.." "Tell m...." "Every time that, for economic reasons, Mastropiero found himself forced... to compose music by request, or on commission, he produced mediocre... and inexpressive works." "On the contrary, when he only followed his inspiration,... he never wrote a note." "An example of his commissioned works is Mastropieros opera..." ""Ariadne and Theseus." ln the aria that we shall hear next,... known as "The invocation to the Kiss" belonging to that opera," "Theseus clamors to gods, naiads and muses;... all he wishes is to be kissed by Ariadne." "Oh..." "Oh..." "Oh..." "Oh, naiads!" "Oh, nymphs!" "Oh, moose!" "..." "Muses!" "Discard thy uncertain exhalation..." "Oh, pain, which my soul dost abuse,... and my breast in a scream hast rent open!" "Oh, ire of Zeus!" "Oh, fury of Eolus!" "An osculation desire I of Ariadne,... solely that." "Looking at..." "Looking at..." "Aah... aahhh..." "Loo..." "loo..." "lulu..." "lulu..." "Lulu... hee, hee, hee..." "Looking..." "Looking at..." "Looking at audience reaction, the impresario asked Mastropiero to correct this... fragment so that the "lnvocation to the Kiss" would have a more immediate emotional... impact on the audience." "Mastropiero then composed... this... this second version." "Ariadne, Ariadne, respond to the moans of my pain." "Your kisses cure me, your kisses heal me." "Kiss me, Ariadne, Ariadne, my love." "The impresario, still dissatisfied, demanded that Mastropiero produce something  still more catchy." "Johann Sebastian then composed this third and definitive version of the "lnvocation to the Kiss"" "Kiss me, kiss me, doll, shalalalah,... kiss me, kiss me, doll, shalalalah,... cause if you kiss me, shalalalah,... youll be kissing me, shalalalah,... and I will feel, shalalalah" "that you have kissed me, shalalalah." "Mastropieros first trip to the United States had taken place before... the movie experience already described." "New York... was, since infancy, the home of Harold Mastropiero, a twin brother with an astonishing resemblance to Johann Sebastian." "The Mastropiero brothers, Johann Sebastian and Harold, knew very little about each other." "Johann Sebastian had heard it said... that his brother belonged to the Mafia, and the latter knew the music composed... by Johann Sebastian." "Both were extremely indignant." "Determined to effect a reconciliation, Johann Sebastian boarded a ship to New York." "When the steamer was entering port, Johann Sebastian, leaning... his elbows on the rail, remarked to the captain, "ld never have imagined New York like this."" ""Youre right, sir," the captain answered, "were arriving in the Canary Islands."" "A few days later the ship did indeed reach the city of New York." "At last the Mastropiero twins met, they recognized each other at once." "the resemblance was so remarkable that during all of Johann Sebastians stay..." "Harolds bodyguards didnt know whom to protect, Harolds butler... didnt know whom to serve, and Harolds wife... was called Margaret." "Harold Mastropiero ran a sordid establishment featuring... a speakeasy, an illegal gambling parlor and a clandestine... betting center." "But in actual fact, the joint was just a front... to hide the true source of his fantastic income:... in the back room, he ran a grocery store." "Johann Sebastian composed several music hall pieces which were first played... in the clandestine cabaret run by his brother Harold." "We shall now hear... one of them, by the name of "Lazy Daisy"." "Yeah!" "Yeah, man, yeah!" "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah, I got it!" "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, man." "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah, man!" "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah." "Yeah yeah." "Yeah, yeah!" "Man, yeah, ah yeah yeah." "Yeah yeah Superman, yeah yeah yeah." "Daniel, cut it out." "Yeah yeah ahhh yeah yeah." "Daniel, stop it, once and for all!" "Yiii ylll ylll yilli..." "Cut it out!" "iAhhhhhhhhhhh!" "Theres a boy who fell in love one day" "Oh, oh." "and his music used to sound this way" "Oh, oh." ""Doo-doo-doo-doo."" "But the lady was a lazy thing." "Oh, yes!" "Didnt care a dime about the ring." "Oh, no!" "She only wants to linger, she never moves a finger... so this is what he used to sing." "Oh, yes!" "Be my Lazy Daisy, youre my perfect set;... be my Lazy Daisy, be my pet." "Dont be mean, cause youre my queen, come on, move yourself!" "Leave your blues, whats the use of being on the shelf?" "Be my Lazy Daisy, doing what you do." "lm completely crazy, just for you." "But dont forget we have to... pa bad pa parababap bap" "Keep your style, you're just fine, Lazy Daisy of mine." "Pa-pa-bap-pa-pa-ra-pa-bap" "Pa-pa-ra-pa-bap" "Don't be mean, cause you're my queen, come on, move yourself!" "Leave your blues, what's the use of being on the shelf?" "Pa-pa-bap-pa-pa-ra-pa-bap" "Pa-pa-ra-pa-bap" "But don't forget we have to... pa pa bap pa parababap bap" "Keep your style... you're just fine..." "Be my Lazy Daisy... chikititunki, chikititunki, chak!" "Keep your style, you're just fine, Lazy Daisy of mine." "Tad-li-ta-ta Tad-li-ta-ta" "Tad-li-ta-ta Tad-li-ta-ta" "Lazy Daisy..." "Lazy Daisy..." "But don't forget we have to... pa pa bap pa parababap bap" "Keep your style, you're just fine, Lazy Daisy of mine." "pa pa bap pa parababap bap" "Lazy Daisy, lazy, lazy, Daisy... of mine." "That's all!" "Tell me, just answer me, partner." "Tell me..." "Although the sun is already hidden, dont expect me to leave..." "See what a beauty, this poem by Torcuato Gemini,... from the ni... the n..." "from the Nth century:..." "Although the sun is already hidden, dont expect me to flee;... as faithful a love as I, another I dont think there can b..." "...ecome." "Because its already late at night the light is gone and the heat;... the dawn will find me, here... prostrated at your... extremities." "Beautiful, huh?" "And the last one..." "the last ones a "sonnect,"... me, thats the one that, the last ones is the one that most, the, the one that, when it... the... of all the... me, it always, when I read it... and then when I read it again it also..." "and now that I I read it it... in the future... to me, it... its as if... it has a... for me... the last... at the end, it ends, and of the sonnects this one... me, it... the last one, it... its because me, it... well, YOU it doesnt, you it doesnt, me it DOES do,... each one has, me, I, I I I I I I..." "I like it!" "There." "All rights reserved!" "No part of this book may be...!" "Young man." "Come here." "Where does everybody come in?" "We shall now hear fragments of the four sonatas,... opus 1 7 for violin and piano, that Mastropiero composed for the duo... formed by the violinist Rudolff von Lichtenkraut... and his wife, the pianist Gundula von von Lichtenkraut" "who were living in Prague." "The first sonata of the opus 1 7 is passionate and rapt;... passionate in the style of Romantic composers in general, and taken wrapped... like a gift from some of them in particular." "At the first performance of this... first sonata there was a true scandal;" "from the outset... the audience was split: while some booed and issued catcalls,... the rest walked out." "We shall now hear a fragment of sonata No. 1 , opus 1 7,... for violin and piano, by Johann Sebastian Mastropiero, in its original version,... just as it was first performed by Rudolff and Gundula von Lichtenkraut." "The next spring, Mastropiero traveled to Prague and personally met... the von Lichtenkrauts." "For Johann Sebastian, seeing Gundula,... falling madly in love, walking all night in despair, along the shores of the Moldau, spending two days, drunk, in a tavern and a week composing the sonata No. 2 of the opus 1 7 while thinking about her... was all a matter of an instant." "On the night of the first performance, the glances that Gundula directed at the box... occupied by Mastropiero seemed to indicate that she didnt remain indifferent either." "In this sonata No. 2, the composer, reflecting his feelings for Gundula, allowed the piano part to shine the most, as was proven... to the Prague audience on the night of the first performance." "Gundula, faithful to the respect due her husband, felt she couldnt respond to Mastropieros amorous demands;" "until one evening,... she discovered she could do so perfectly well." "The meetings between Gundula and Johann Sebastian became ever... more frequent, and the maelstrom of love that swept them both is reflected... in sonata No. 3 of opus 1 7 by Mastropiero,... which the von Lichtenkrauts premiered the following fall... in the presence of the composer." "The audience that night was struck by... the excessive importance allocated by Mastropiero to the violin solos." "Rudolff discovered the cheating." "He rebuked Mastropiero harshly." "He mentioned the word "duel"... and said something about his seconds;" "faced by Johann Sebastians passiveness... he mentioned the word "dog," and said something about a bitch." "At that point,..." "Johann Sebastian at last reacted, and standing up to von Lichtenkraut... said to him:" ""Whats happening between us..." "Rudy?"" "Von Lichtenkraut hurled a glove in his face." "Mastropiero understood... then that he couldnt refuse the challenge." "The following day,... he sent his seconds to set up a duel with von Lichtenkraut,... settled his affairs, wrote Gundula a pathetic letter... and fled from Prague." "Gundula, disappointed and repentant, returned to Rudolffs arms,... more in love than ever." "Mastropiero, resentful against both, composed... sonata No. 4, the last in opus 1 7, with strange instructions in the score, which Gundula and Rudolff von Lichtenkraut, bound by contract to perform... his music, found themselves forced to respect." "Tell me, just answer me, partner." "Tell m..." "Tell me, just answer me, partner. tell me, just answer me, partner, prudently give me the essence... whose is the very tame presence filling the land of our farmers;... a wistful trust its soul armors, its stolid patience naught lessens;... a source of food and of leather, faking indifference, acquiescence." "lm not afraid of the puzzle." "Go on, go." "Where do I go?" "But I told him already." "Just keep talking, distract his attention." "lm not afraid of the puzzle and... already I have a grip... on the question of wheres the tip of the, of a... of that, of such..." "a difficult poser;... the answer is so much closer, with memory going way back when." "Dont be upset if I ask you, let me hear the question again." "Pray provide the name of the beast..." "Pray provide the name of the beast that is not a bull, not a steer,..." "The grasshopper!" "that from disease to keep you clear and to fight hunger and its ilk.." "will give you meat, will give you milk, generously says, Take it, do,... has a tail and likewise four legs, and from its throat we hear a moo." "Hey, from the grasshoppers throat, do we hear "grassoo, grassoo"?" "lm not afraid of the puzzle... lm not afraid of the puzzle because I... am not afraid of the puzzle... lm not afraid of the puzzle, never have I..." "The cow!" "A full stanza!" "It has to rhyme, have eight lines..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah... boy, are you steamed up!" "He has to say it with a rhyme, otherwise its no good." "Let him say it with a rhyme." "This is incredible!" "What?" "That he says it with a rhyme." "iii give you a rhyming answer..." "How." "How." "iii give you a rhyming answer, cause you dont need to tell me how... the animal you refer to goes by no other name than cow." "You really surprise me, partner... you really surprise me, partner, I find your knowledge so brittle;... song duels require little, each line of syllables just eight;... the ending must rise to the bait and all doubts away must whittle,... eight lines a stanza must contain, and rhymes be elegant, not plain." "lm not afraid of the puzzle... in eight lines will be your answer..." "Row." "so we can forget all this row..." "Now." "the mistake you think you see now is no mistake, means not a thing... in eight syllables I do sing..." "How." "using rhymes that will show you how... I say it with true elegance, and easily fulfill my vow." "And so?" "What about the animal?" "Oh, the cow!" "The cow." "Mastropiero was enthusiastic about historical research;... he spent many hours in the library of the buxom marchioness of Quintanilla, ... whose volumes fascinated him." "It was thus that Mastropiero found out, right there,... in the library,... of the existence of an enigmatic fifteenth-century individual,... the pioneering Captain-General Don Rodrigo Díaz de Carreras,... son of Juana Díaz and Domingo de Carreras." "Early in his research Mastropiero assumed... that Don Rodrigo belonged to the same Díaz family as the celebrated... courtesans Angustias and Dolores Díaz, but later, comparing certain dates,... determined that Angustias and Dolores... didnt correspond to those Díaz." "Thats good..." "Hah, hah, hah..." "Hah, hah, hah..." "Hah, hah, hah..." "Mastropiero was already about to give up the research... when, in the marchioness library, he found the old manuscript... of an anonymous epic poem written on the basis of the travel diary... of the pioneering Captain-General Don Rodrigo Díaz de Carreras." "According to this poem,..." "Don Rodrigo had arrived on the coasts of the River Plate in 1 491 ,... in other words, a year before the official discovery of America;... this fact at last explained his always being called pioneering." "The poem additionally described his heroic journey toward the north of the new... continent over the course of many years, culminating his glorious, epic achievement... on the island of Puerto Rico." "Struck by the discovery of the poem, Mastropiero used it as the text... for one of his most celebrated works, with which Les Luthiers conclude... their concert tonight:..." ""Cantata of Pioneering Captain-General Don Rodrigo Díaz de Carreras, of his Feats... in the Territories of the Indies, of the Singular Events in Which He was involved, and of How They Made Him Evolve." The work begins with Don Rodrigos arrival... in what would later be called the River Plate." "Rodrigos hard sailing is coming to an end;... close to the coast comes his faithful caravel after six months of tough determination." "Down he comes, proud, and gallantly his sword sinks, already, into the dreamed-of land, the land of gold, and of adventure." "Having reached the mainland, we soon ran into natives." "Weve been discovered!" "At last weve been discovered!" "And at their invitation we got to see their tent town." "Come and check it out, what a pretty tent town!" "On seeing their treasures my obsession was roused... and in the end we exchanged gold for trifles." "Gold for trifles!" "What an abuse!" "What an unequal exchange!" "After the exchange Don Rodrigo put what he had obtained into an enormous coffer:" "mountains... of trifles." "Cheats!" "You took advantage!" "Return the gold!" "No-way!" "No-way!" "Let us wrest back our gold, my brave men,... with boldness, with our swords, with our teeth." "My honor is at stake and lm not shifting from here." "Woo woo woo woo woo!" "Be firm before the enemy!" "Be firm, be brave!" "Be firm, Don Rodrigo!" "And Don Rodrigo..." "firmly signed the capitulation." "Rodrigo sets off on foot seeking a better star... leagues and more leagues, with the north as his goal." "He is followed by his host on the heroic trail... through forests, through valleys, over hills." "But, fitful destiny, he runs into natives... whose song heralds their warlike intentions." "Were the Comechingones of great renown;... jewels, necklaces, blankets, do we sell on the market,... and those who dont buy, we barbecue and eat." "Youll never strike fear in me after so long a journey;... ive come to conquer you and to sell folk artifacts." "My honor is at stake and lm not shifting from here." "Yee hah!" "Yee hah!" "OK, lm shifting." "And Don Rodrigo flees once again northwards;... sadly, without his troops, lonesome he flees." "His shoulder he unburdens of his heavy coffer,... and, making a halt, writes in his diary:..." "Yesterday we came across a group of natives and were attacked... quite successfully." "I have had to continue this march on my own, since the Indians decided... to remain behind to eat with the soldiers." "I mean, eat the soldiers." "And after several days of very hard marching he reaches a plateau incredibly high." "I reached the tablelands stubbornly dragging... my coffer of folk artifacts, meager fortune." "There I found kind Indians who on seeing my ruinous state... sang me a beautiful tableland lullaby." "Sleep,..." "Don Rodrigo, sleep." "Close your little eyes,... dont leave them open... because if you dont fall asleep... you will remain awake." "Sleep, sleep, sleep, Don Rodrigo,... sleep, sleep, come on, sleep." "Sleep, sleep once and for all." "Lulla-lulla-lullaby." "Ten hours did this plateau lullaby last." "Rodrigo, exhausted by such courtesy, continues his journey pursuing some sleep,... pursuing dreams, of glory." "Excuse me." "The dreams of glory that enliven his days:... discovering settlements, conquering kingdoms,... and, if he can, selling the folk artifacts." "With my strength almost exhausted in a vast empire did I arrive;... I set foot in the land of the Inca;" "of going further, I was incapable." "And Rodrigo arrives on a feast day;" "he sees adornments, pennants, flags and ribbons;" "and a crowd, that even struck fear, that fills the royal road of the Inca, which the natives called "The Road of Us."" "And I saw pomp and pageantry unseen in our own courts;... priests, accolytes, noblemen, chiefs, advisors;... and I saw three thousand warriors displaying mighty power,... slaves and servants... and about ten thousand extras." "We are the Inca." "We are the Inca, of glory incandescent,... our wealth is incalculable." "We hate the incapable, and idlers incarcerate; but our songs... are difficulty inca-rnate." "The imposing spectacle of the aboriginal feast reminds Rodrigo of his glorious destiny,... the noble purpose that the voyage did launch... and facing the Inca, he announces with joy:..." "Folk artifacts!" "Clay pots, ponchos, drinking gourds, throwing weapons,... everything must go!" "Rodrigo is seized by twelve natives but he struggles, wriggles free and haughtily proclaims:" "Stop, ignorant, backward foe!" "As from today, you are all conquered." "My honor is at stake, and lm not shifting from here." "Woo woo woo!" "Five hundred leagues to the north, Rodrigo, somewhat out of breath,... sadly notes that the Inca have kept the coffer he incautiously neglected." "The coffer that was during the flight forgotten,... disregarded, or, let the truth be aired, foolishly abandoned." "Sir, ive never seen such insolence, such shamelessness." "Rodrigo vehemently reviles the Inca who have bereft him of his property." "I refer not to the Inca, I refer to some individuals... who enjoy revealing my intimate affairs,... and additionally insult me." "No, twas not I." "Yes, yes, I have heard thee:" "Thou hast said "foolish."" "I said "foolishly."" "Well, more or less." "More or less is not the same, sir!" "The thing is, thou art proclaiming untruths." "Thou dost exaggerate." "I demand my rights." "I stick to historical facts." "Lies!" "Truths!" "I dont argue with adventurers." "And I do not argue with "novisuths."" "Thou meanst "novices."" "I am guided by the rhyme." "I have said "novisuths"" "instead of "novices," because thou hast said "truths."" "So I said "truths"?" "Therefore thou hast uttered lies..." "Stubborn and hard like a tree." "And what doth that rhyme with?" "With thee, sir, with thee." "Let there be peace!" "Let there be peace!" "Don Rodrigo, narrator, thy anger quell,... because if you argue further youll go to..." "Let there be peace!" "Five hundred leagues to the north, I continue, in a forest does Rodrigo find natives who dance and sing with sweetest sounds." "Check out our cumbia which is the national dance." "You must visit Colombia and its capital city:..." "Bogotá." "Colombia, Colombia, Colom..." "Dont tell me ive been preceded by Christopher Columbus!" "I care not; as of today this country will be called, Rodrigombia!" "Tell me, natives, where are the treasures?" "Where the silver, the gold mines?" "We dont have any." "Are there here brilliant little stones, sapphires, rubies,..." "topaz, diamonds?" "No, no, no." "Tin, antimony, copper or manganese?" "None of these." "Coal, pumice?" "We gave them a miss." "Empty bottles?" "No." "Second-hand clothes?" "None of those." "But have you nothing?" "We have great coffee, aromatic and tasty:..." "Rodrigombian coffee." "Imagine if ill come on such a big voyage to drink... a little bit." "Much better to come in a little bit and take a big..." "Don Rodrigo, seeing he is getting nowhere with northeasterly course his journey continues" "On approaching the sea I prayed I would retain my strength which was by then very puny." "I was inspired by the sound of the Indians there, raising a ruckus... and in that beautiful site I founded..." "Caracas!" "I founded Caracas, with such fine aim, I founded it in so beautiful a valley..." "He founded Caracas, he says!" "in so beautiful a valley..." ""With such fine aim"..." "He had such fine aim... so fine was his aim he founded it in the very heart of Caracas... which had already been founded!" "..." "And he hadnt noticed." "Well, sir, what with all the hurry..." "The guard, perplexed, and some passersby,... attempt to seize him and in jail deposit him." "Rodrigo protests, fierce, defiant." "My honor is at stake and lm not shifting from here." "Facing this court..." "Don Rodrigo Díaz de Carreras is sentenced... to exile in the island of Puerto Rico, for the crimes of carrying weapons and illegal foundation." "File the case away... file him away!" "With the vessel about to arrive at the site of my punishment,... from slaves I hear a song that a black destiny bemoans." "Chabaia nengue nimon Solangangaina eimo" "Sabania nengue nengueion Sanga iobai oengo" "Samanga lenguelengon Sabango engo" "Samanga lenguenguelon" "Samanga lenguelon" "Samanga len, golem" "Maia senguela Chicory" "Aie" "Sabai metenga Guana, guana" "Guana howre you doing?" "Aiamete, ale ie Chicory!" "Aiamete queme baiana me Oba, obaiasa" "Tema teva, obaiasa Teme tepo, obaiasa" "Chicory Heea goyoo" "There go I" "Heea you, there I" "Heea you and I, There chicory" "Sapa talaca salapalacatah!" "Sapa talaca salapalacatoh!" "Chicory!" "Aye aye aye aye aye aye!" "Ooaye aye aye aye!" "Heea playaye, heea playaye, heea playaye" "Heea I USED to play..." "But, no sooner did I land, was I suddenly affected... by the wonderfully dark eyes of a black woman." "And it stirred my dreams as an old hand at conquests,... conquest in war, conquest of the love that fills the soul." "Therell be others along to conquer the Indies;... me, lm staying here for the conquest of... my black love!" "Theres nothing in life... like my black love." "Nothing, nothing at all, nothing... like my black love." "Theres nothing in life... like my black love." "Nothing, nothing at all, nothing... like my black love." "Lets hear that piano!" "Tasty, chico, tasty." "Small taste, small taste." "Yehva, yehva, Sir knight." "Yehva, yehva, Mr. Horse..." "Mr. Horseman." "Issue a call..." "Lets sing, lets sing." "Sure, man." "Lets dance, lets dance." "Sure, daddy-o." "Lets enjoy, lets enjoy." "Sugar!" "Chicory!" "Today the breeze is as soft... as my black love." "The reeds sway... like my black love." "And the music is as pretty... as my black love." "Its enjoyed by everybody... like my bl..." "Theres nothing in life like my black love,... nothing, not a thing, nothing, like my black love." "And here ends the story of Don Rodrigo... and the show, chico!" "Its ending!" "And its over!" "Folk singer Cantalicio Luna..." "Ah, yes... no... yes... more or less..." "Folk singer Cantalicio Luna saw the light in the province of Buenos Aires... at the age of eighteen, the morning he arrived from Santiago del Estero,... where he had been born." "Saw the light, the light... get it?" "Cantalicio, in his youth, used to be a drover." "Then he stopped being used to it." "Next he went out to sell colt-leather boots, but he didnt do well:... most of the colts were already wearing them." "In the war against the Indians, during the conquest of the desert,..." "Cantalicio went from fort to fort with his guitar, singing,... keeping the troops entertained; this earned him the thanks... of the Indians." "Cantalicio is the author of "With Explanations" a "gato" in which, in simple language, he explains the meaning of some words used by the gauchos." "Les Luthiers will now play, precisely..." ""With Explanations" by Cantalicio Luna,... as an aaaaaaaah... encore!" "Right!" "Whats "right," Daniel?" "!" "Whats right, Daniel!" "Part one!" "Lalalah..." "My horse is the best though some may think it a jest,... galloping hes just a blur, if in his flank I sink the... small, metallic disks, with teeth, affixed to the riders boots... and sunk into the flesh of the horse when at the gallop." "Powpah... powpah... boom... pow" "To gallop one must use the... the... the..." "the ones ive just explained." "Lalalah..." "Canvas shoes are the best for running all errands... therell be no sitting on the sofa when one is wearing a... rope-soled sneaker, shaped like a sandal, much used by people... of very modest income or low condition." "Powpah... powpah..." "Canvas shoes!" "We have long been familiar with the gato with narration... whats new is this other gato, gato with explanations." "Part one!" "Its part two now, you big...!" "Part two!" "Lalalah..." "The horse in its corral, there it will strut,... in the sty youll see the pigs butt, and the gaucho lives in his... type of shack far from town, with walls or without them,... that can keep out the weather from whatever need be." "Powpah... powpah..." "Barbecue enclosure." "Cabin." "The gaucho must live in..." "ln his town mansion!" "what ive just defined." "Lalalah..." "All around the campfire gauchos keep their spirits high,... their fingers over the guitar fly, they drink wine and eat meat... turnover of dough which is fried or baked and is filled with... mincemeat, spices, olives and peppers." "Powpah... powpah..." "Sweet pastry." "Meat pie." "Can't you see it means pancakes?" "Oh, come off it, pancakes with meat!" "In that case its cannelloni..." "Where did you ever see cannelloni with caramel spread?" "I never said caramel spread." "Powpah... powpah..." "Stop it, guys... powpah... powpah..." "Yikes!" "Yo!" "Yeehah!" "No private conversations!" "Everybody!" "We have long been familiar with the gato with narration... whats new is this other gato, gato with explanations."