"Joey." "Studying." "Joey." "Still studying." "Why don't you wanna get with me?" "What are you going on about?" "Since I've been back, nothing, nada." "A drought of epic proportions. ls there a hygiene issue I'm not aware of?" "Audrey?" "Hi, bunny." "Oh, my God." "Hey." "Oh, you flunked out of school, how sad." "Death of a dream and all that." "Guess who was on my plane." "Audrey, you're back a day early." "I got early parole for good behaviour." "Actually, the rumour has it Courtney Love checked in and needed the room." "So guess who was on my flight." "Pilots, stewardesses..." "...and assorted passengers." "Well, that's funny, but no." "I'm only talking about the sexiest man in all of America." "Audrey, don't you wanna maybe relax, get settled?" "No one's too busy for Guess Who Was on My Plane." "Trust me, this one's really good." "Okay, fine." "Brad Pitt?" "Will you work with me?" "That is so obvious." "No, this guy is way hotter. I'm talking, like, the thinking girl's dream." "Oh, lan Ziering." "Dr. Drew." "Impressive." "Now, I would have thought he was a little too clinical for your taste." "It's a rehab thing." "You crave men based on who'd look cutest..." "...in a white lab coat." "Who's Dr. Drew?" "Are you serious?" "You know, Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla." "Of Loveline fame?" "Popular radio call-in show where they espouse advice to pathetic losers..." "...with massive sexual hang-ups." "lt used to be on MTV." "Jeez, Louise." "Looks like Mr. Goodwrench has been too busy throwing his back into his living to soak up pop culture." "What's MTV?" "Kidding." "So anyway, what are the odds?" "Pretty good, considering they're gonna be at Boston Bay tomorrow." "What?" "Where the hell have I been?" "Oh, right, I've been in rehab." "They're putting on a fundraiser for the counselling centre..." "...and Jen gets to be host." "This is perfect." "She can totally intro me to the doc." "I knew it was destiny. I gotta pee." "She's back." "is it too much to ask that we invest in cordless phones around here?" "You excited about the hosting gig tonight?" "Yeah?" "Who knows, you could become the next Ryan Seacrest." "You could borrow one of his man-blouses." "Something wrong?" "You seem a little tense." "No, I'm really not. I'm fine." "Come here." "Sit down." "No, that's okay." "Come on, come on, come on." "There." "Doesn't that feel better?" "So I was thinking, after tonight's soiree you and I can slip back to my place for a nightcapper?" "You, me, some cheap champagne, a little Fleetwood Mac." "l can't." "Okay, no Fleetwood Mac." "No." "No, it's not that. I mean, I just-- Really-- l can't. I can't." "Why not?" "I have to help Grams." "I can help Grams." "Let me come." "l don't think that's a very good idea." "Why not?" "Because, C.J., I'm breaking up with you. I'll see you tonight." "Joey?" "Yes, Eddie?" "We never got a chance to finish our conversation." "And what conversation was that?" "About how you're repulsed by me." "l am not repulsed by you." "Then why won't you get with me?" "Would you stop saying "get with me"?" "lt's creeping me out." "Sorry." "And l-- l don't wanna talk about that." "What?" "You know." "What, sex?" "You don't wanna talk about sex?" "No." "Why?" "I don't know. I just-- l don't." "No, I get it. I understand." "I repulse you." "You don't repulse me." "lt's okay." "It's happened to me before." "lt has?" "No." "Eddie, you know what?" "You don't get anywhere talking about sex." "You just make me uncomfortable." "Clearly." "My sweet Lord." "Will the two of you just do it already and be quiet?" "I have to go. I have a quiz." "Well, fine." "Maybe we can not talk about this later." "Gladly." "Do you wanna make out?" "No." "Good." "That was your test, buddy." "You break her heart again and I'm gonna kill you." "You got it?" "Yeah." "Have a good one." "Thanks." "Hi." "Hey." "So is there, like, assigned seats, or how does this work?" "No, it's general admission." "First come, first served." "Great." "So if I wanted to sit by someone specific the best way would just be to ask him?" "Yeah." "So you going with anybody?" "Me?" "Yeah. ls that a problem?" "Oh, well, no." "Normally, I wouldn't mind but you'd have to ask my boyfriend, Jack." "You rang?" "l thought I'd introduce you to this guy who had the good taste to hit on me." "Jack, this is...." "Fred." "Fred." "Hi." "Sorry about that." "Not a problem. lt's cool." "I mean, it's not cool, of course." "Although I do like to pimp him out from time to time." "Gotcha." "lt was nice meeting you." "You too." "Hi." "He seemed nice." "Yeah." "Over about another foot, I think." "Right there." "Why am I doing this?" "Eating cheese?" "No, no, this. I'm not-- l'm not cut out for this." "What if nobody talks?" "At least at the help line I can hang up on them but what if nobody asks any questions?" "What am I gonna do?" "Run and hide and curl up in a foetal position..." "...hoping nobody finds you?" "l need a ringer." "A what?" "A ringer." "Somebody to ask preplanned questions during moments of silence." "Well, don't look at me." "I suffer from glossophobia." "It's a fear of public speaking." "So my duties tonight will be strictly limited to ticket-taking..." "...which I will now go do." "Good luck." "Thanks." "Hi." "Hi." "So...." "So...." "What are you doing here?" "I'm helping you host the event, remember?" "Yeah." "Right." "About what happened earlier" "You know what?" "I can't really talk about that right now. I'm sorry. l-- l've got so many notes to go over, and cold cuts-- l have these really wonderful cold cuts that I don't want to go to waste." "Okay." "Fair enough." "Yeah, I'll just go get ready." "Good." "Oh, my God." "Where is he?" "Who?" "Who?" "Who?" "Oh, Jen, Jen." "Sweet, sweet Jen." "Amusing façade, it's no use." "You can't keep us apart." "It's destiny, I tell you." "Destiny." "Jen, he was on my plane." "Ladies, ladies." "Put the claws back." "No need to fight." "Plenty of room on the Carolla-coaster for everyone." "I won't meet the minimum height requirement." "It's nice to meet you. I gotta go." "Well, what about you?" "You wanna hop onboard?" "I wasn't talking about you, doofus." "I'm kind of looking for Dr. Drew." "Pinsky?" "Yes, yes." "Do you know where he is?" "That geezer's probably out casket-shopping." "He's old." "He's an old man." "He's old enough to be your grandfather." "Whereas I, I'm just old enough to be your daddy." "And plus, the guy's a bore." "He's an amazing bore." "He never stops talking about gonorrhoea and hepatitis G. Believe me, I know." "I have to share a hotel room with the guy." "Cheap bastards." "Oh, my God." "You've shared a room with him?" "Tell me something." "Have you seen him naked?" "Yes." "Yes, I have." "I hate to tell you but in about two minutes, there's gonna be a riot for that seat." "Hey, Jack, right?" "Yeah, yeah." "Fred." "So where's the boyfriend?" "That'd be the question of the hour." "Clearly not where he's supposed to be." "But it is taken, right?" "The seat?" "Yeah, you know, I was...." "What the hell. lt's all yours." "Just so you know, it's over." "What is?" "The trust." "We still talking about this?" "Done, gone, finito." "Deader than disco." "You allowed me to think that I was good at it." "Good at what?" "The sweet, tender lovemaking that couples tend to engage in upon day's end." "You know, you are good at it, okay?" "Can we please..." "...stop talking about this?" "No, we can't." "The whole point of this evening was for people to get together and talk about their problems." "We're freaks, but not those kinds of freaks." "Sit." "Lying on the ground, tongue out of his mouth, vultures flying over his head and goes to the farmer, "They're just about to land."" "Oh, man, you're definitely gonna get punched for that." "l could think of worse things." "Like not saving your boyfriend's seat?" "David, hey." "You remember...." "l remember." "It's nice to see you again." "I thought we said the right side of the stage." "We did." "We" " See, I meant from the front." "If you look at it from the front, it's the right but if you're coming from the back, I could see how you could...." "You know, I'm sorry." "It's my fault. I'll move." "Good idea." "They're both the hosts of the wildly popular radio show Loveline." "I'd like to take this time to introduce our esteemed guests:" "Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla." "Okay." "Well, since our time here is limited and I'm pretty sure that everybody knows how this works with no further ado who has the first question?" "Okay, not everyone at once." "Jen." "Jen, pick me." "Lindley!" "Anybody." "Anybody." "Bueller?" "Bueller?" "Come on, you people are in college." "Your crabs have gonorrhoea." "Where's the questions?" "I'd actually-- l'd actually like to pose a question, if I may?" "Actually, C.J., I think it's your job to field the questions, not ask them." "You field, they ask." "Field, ask, field, ask." "You see how it works?" "That's okay." "We're not worried about form." "So go on, C.J., ask your question." "Okay." "Well, there's this girl that I have" "Or had a relationship with." "She was a sex buddy?" "No, she-- She was a girlfriend, actually." "And we were together for several months, up until this morning when she dumped me like a sack of rotten trash." "No explanation, no warning, no nothing." "Were there any warning signs?" "Any problems in the relationship?" "No, none." "Well, I did sleep with one of her friends." "But just one, right?" "How dare she?" "They don't mind that stuff." "Can't be that." "But she knew about it and it was before we got together, so that doesn't count, right?" "Have you simply tried asking for an explanation?" "That's the thing." "Every time I try to talk to her she treats me like I'm Father Damien." "He was a leper." "Oh, sure." "The famous leper, Father Damien." "Drew, you wrote your thesis on Father Damien, did you not?" "All right, listen I say run." "I mean, this chick's a headcase." "She's gonna take you down, I promise" "Thanks, Adam, for that astute insight, but if you don't mind me saying so I think C.J.'s problems here are really subordinate to members of this audience who have actually paid money to listen to your vastly underqualified advice." "You're so lucky l don't know what "subordinate" means, honey." "So I guess we should probably just break up, then, huh?" "Will you be quiet?" "l need to know." "Shut up." "Don't tell me to shut up in front of these people." "What I don't understand, Joe is why is it so hard for you to talk about sex?" "What have we here?" "We gotta hear more about this." "We got a wiener in the crowd here, Drew." "Let's get a mike over." "This will make a good question." "Oh, no, that's okay." "There's no problem." "Nope, nope." "No problem at all." "Oh, yeah, there's a problem, or you wouldn't have been screaming like a girl 1 0 seconds ago." "We need to hear this problem." "What is it?" "No, it's really-- lt's okay." "It's not-- lt's not that bad, actually." "Yeah, he likes it that way." "He prefers it, actually." "I'm sorry. I think I missed something." "What's your name?" "Joey." "But like I said..." "l'm Eddie." "...we have no problem." "Oh, if you say so but I just can't help but wonder, Adam, should a couple that's not even mature enough to talk about sex be having sex?" "Give me this." "That's what I'm saying, Dr. Drew. lt's exactly what I'm saying." "Not exactly what I'm saying." "She's a little uptight about the whole thing." "l'm not uptight" "You are." "Don't touch me." "This long-distance relationship's breaking my heart." "Let's get you two up on-stage where we can thump you like melons." "What do you guys say?" "Yeah!" "Oh, yeah." "Absolutely." "Thank you." "Jen." "Jen. I really have a" "Jen." "Just so you know, I'm going to kill you afterwards." "Okay." "Now, why don't you two start by telling us about this relationship." "Well" "Well-- I'll start." "Well, it's all very simple, actually." "Today, I realized that the girl that I have been opening my life and baring my naked soul to for the past six months is a phoney." "Six months. ls that how long this thing's been going on?" "Well, it's hard to tell exactly." "I mean, we met in the fall, but we really didn't like each other" "Oh, hey, stop." "Okay, look, I had no beef with her but she, I mean, she obviously, you know, was in love with me in her own emotionally unstable way." "Emotionally unstable?" "l'm emotionally unstable?" "Look in the mirror." "Who left with no forwarding address at the first sign..." "...this was getting serious?" "l came back, didn't I?" "No, not willingly." "l'm sitting here." "l had to come look for you, didn't I?" "Oh, God." "At a significant loss to my personal dignity, thank you very much." "And then, to celebrate..." "...he left again." "And throughout all this..." "...you kept having sex?" "Oh, yeah." "No wonder she's screwed up." "Thank you." "Wait a second." "Listen, I don't like the cut of your jib, son." "I mean, you have sex with her, then you dump her then you try to get her trust back except for you abandon her again." "So you've abandoned her twice and now you're perplexed as to why she won't trust you when you've dumped her two times?" "Are you high, son?" "I mean, no wonder she's cut you off." "Drew, if you treated me this way, I'd cut you off in a heartbeat." "That's why I treat you right." "Right." "Joey, is abandonment a big issue for you?" "No." "Are you on any medication?" "No." "ls your dad around?" "is he a big figure in your life?" "is anything going on with him?" "You know what, Dr. Drew, I thank you for everything but I think I've had enough and I'm gonna head back to my seat now." "Not so fast." "Listen, Joey, nothing to be ashamed of." "Common problems, all right?" "Tough to talk about." "I'm sure people call the help line all the time..." "...with things like this." "Oh, yeah." "Constantly." "There's really nothing to be embarrassed about." "You're very normal in your abnormality." "Jen, perhaps there's someone else in the audience that would like to ask a question." "Oh, yes, yes, with the raised hand." "Who is that?" "I'm David and I need to know what the proper response is when you find your boyfriend flirting with another guy in front of you?" "I wasn't flirting." "Since when is having an idle chat considered flirting, my friend?" "We have a couple of dates, he thinks he owns me, Drew." "Adam wants to be your boyfriend." "He longs to be gay." "David, was this a monogamous relationship?" "Yeah, I thought it was." "I see." "So you're wondering whether it actually is monogamous." "Well, obviously, you guys need to talk about this." "You know, a possibility is he's acting out in front of you because he's trying to give you a message and he just doesn't have any other way to tell you." "Maybe he's just one of those people who's really super nice to everybody so it seems like he's flirting but actually he's not, because nobody's that stupid." "So my advice on this one would just be forgive and forget." "Are you high, missy?" "You gotta dump this guy, and I'm not saying that because he's a gay." "Okay, why don't we go to Mandy behind the screen." "Mandy, what's your question?" "Mandy?" "Hi, sorry." "No, actually, my name is Audrey and my question is specifically for Dr. Drew." "I'm about 5'7" ." "I've got blond hair, blue eyes, great rack." "Audrey, question." "Find it." "Oh, right." "Okay, well...." "Several months ago, I realized that I had a serious problem with alcohol." "I had all these negative feelings about my life and I was using alcohol as my escape, you know." "And in the process, I hurt a lot of people that were very close to me." "And if it hadn't been for those very same people I probably would not have gotten the professional help that I needed." "So after spending several weeks in a rehab facility in Southern California I guess my question to you is this, Dr. Drew:" "How would you like to go back to my dorm room and play a little game I like to call Dirty Doctor and Naughty Nurse?" "Yeah!" "Okay." "Audrey, that was touching." "Let's move on, shall we, to" "You know, we really haven't had a chance to get a woman's perspective on some of these matters." "Tell me, Jennifer, getting back to my problem why do you think this girl decided to rip my heart out without any explanation?" "Get over it." "Come on." "If you ask me, C.J., I think the time for your problem has come and gone." "Now, since we have with us here the experts on-stage who are here..." "...to answer people's questions" "Oh, experts, huh?" "A minute ago I was a hack, now I'm back to expert?" "That's nice." "Actually, Jennifer, that's not a bad idea." "You should answer this question." "Everyone's here to support the help line." "Why don't you give them a sample of what they can get when they call in." "Yeah." "Okay." "Well, if you ask me I think that the answer to that question has many parts." "One, it seems to me that this girl isn't really out to get you, that maybe..." "...in fact, she's just confused." "To say the least." "And two, maybe she has a lot on her plate at the moment so she doesn't feel like she has the time for a relationship." "And three?" "That's it." "You can't just start stringing together a list of reasons and stop at two." "Says who?" "Says who?" "Says me." "Says Drew." "Says our parents." "Remember your mom said that to me?" "Yeah." "Okay, fine." "You get three." "Listen, I just don't want a boyfriend at this point in time, okay?" "Wait a minute, wait a minute, Drew." "" l don't"?" "Drew, this is the headcase he's talking about." "He's talking about her." "No" "Yes. I am the girl that he is referring to but no, I'm not a headcase." "Oh, wow, this is interesting." "So why did you dump this guy?" "Unless you don't feel comfortable talking about these issues." "No, it's just...." "He beats you, right?" "I knew it." "I could see it in his eyes, Drew." "Seriously, is there something about this guy you don't like?" "Or is it something about him, about the relationship?" "No, no, I like him. I like him." "What's not to like?" "He's perfect." "He's the perfect living embodiment of everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend but never thought I would actually find." "You're kind, you're caring, you're sensitive you're not wigged out by gay people." "He is kind of cute." "He's got a bit of the Spader working for him." "If I were to start a boy from scratch, this is what he would end up as." "All right." "So why would you sabotage this?" "Why would you take someone good someone you described as wonderful, perfect and just drive them away?" "Can we turn this back to Joey?" "She's more screwed up than me." "Hey." "Hey, were either of you abused as kids?" "No." "No." "Joey's dad did some time in the big house." "Maybe we could bring Jack up here for some humiliation." "Do not let her change the subject." "I'll get answers from Sally Albright" "At least you have a girlfriend." "Jen, I really need to know what kind of undergarments...." "When we get to L.A., I'm putting this knee in my agent's groin." "This knee." "You know what?" "It's over." "I'm obviously not equipped to be here." "If you have questions and you need answers you should all call the help line." "Oh, my God." "What was it like to be that close to him?" "Did you touch him?" "How would you like to see him up close and personal?" "You saying what I think you're saying?" "Yes." "Take over the hosting duties." "Oh, I thought you wanted me to sing." "Oh, well, a gig's a gig." "Thanks." "Okay, people, since our lovely hostess with the mostest Jen Lindley, picked now to have a mental breakdown I'll be your Ricki Lake for the evening." "Next question." "You." "Funny-shaped head." "What do you got?" "Dr. Drew, is it true that men only want sex and women only want relationships?" "I can tell you that ain't true." "I could tell stories that would boggle your pea-sized little brain. I once" "Asked this girl to do it while I was driving but she got all sketchy, said it wasn't safe." "to engage in high-risk behaviour." "If you have, see a doctor immediately." "And then ask-- -ls someone under 5 feet..." "...considered a midget?" "Official midget height is if I'm wearing a pair of stilettos and I can rest my" "This laser's not a magic wand." "Not a panacea, yeah." "Yeah, people think it's a-- What did you say it was?" "Panacea." "Cure-all." "During sex, she likes to listen to Pop Goes the Weasel." "is that--?" "is that weird?" "The may be the source of your sexual dysfunction." "is it okay to use a vibrator?" "Great question. I think he has some feelings about that." "Well, I did a test with Drew once where l just covered the left side of his face with" "Whenever you have an abnormality that way it increases your chances of being an evil genius." "l want to know" "Are you taking any medication?" "Can I get pregnant on a full moon?" "Are you on any medication?" "l've got this bad burning sensation." "Are you on any medication?" "What is the average size of the male genitalia?" "Fluoxetine." "l mean really bad." "Citalopram." "Like I'm on fire." "Fluvoxamine." "Sertraline." "Propion." "Buspirone." "How small is small?" "A genetic biological disease that could lead to using large amounts of" "Whipped cream." "And make sure you have plenty of it, or else!" "Men who want their women to look like little boys that cause them" "Depression and anxiety, which can have both psychological and biological elements to it, and hopefully" "That answers your question." "That's all the time we have for this evening." "Remember something. lf you find yourself alone and depressed in a room sitting under a bare bulb in a pile of your own sick please don't call me, call the help line." "Have a great evening." "So, what would you say to you, me, a couple of nonalcoholic beers and a shiny new thermometer?" "Baby, you're reading my mind." "What exactly are we doing back here?" "We're looking for Audrey." "Hello, we drove her here." "We can get home and put this horrid night behind us." "But we haven't solved our problem" "Eddie!" "Good God, son." "Are you still harping on that?" "Why don't you give the girl a break." "Have you taken a look at her lately?" "You're lucky a chick that hot lets you get naked in the same building she's in." "You gotta move on." "How old are you?" "Fifteen, 1 6?" "l'm 25." "Twenty-five." "You know what I was doing when I was 25?" "No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me." "That's right, I'm gonna tell you." "When I was 25 I dreamt of getting with chicks this hot." "I was in my parents' basement looking at my raft box." "It had a picture of a gal on it." "She was wearing a bikini and floating on a raft." "And I just stared at that thing until I was cross-eyed." "I miss that raft box." "That's weird." "Yeah, you're damn right it's weird." "And that's my point." "I'm tired of you college kids complaining and bellyaching." "When I was in college, we didn't have chicks that dressed like this." "With their belly T's and their hip-huggers and their thongs hanging out the back." "No, no, we had it tough." "Let me ask you a question." "You'd be with this guy if you thought you could trust him, right?" "Yeah." "There you go, sport." "All you gotta do is gain her trust and you're in like Flynn." "All right?" "All right." "Well, my work is done here." "I'm gonna get some cheese." "So is that true?" "You don't trust me?" "Well, can you blame me?" "No." "Eddie we're living this fantasy." "And we've been doing it ever since you got back." "And as nice as the fantasy is it's gonna have to end sooner or later." "Well, since you put it that way, Joey, I choose later." "Look, I understand how you feel and I'm sorry I gave you a hard time but there's nothing I can say to earn your trust." "So you're just gonna have to take a leap of faith." "Okay, and know that I love you more than anything in this world." "Okay?" "Okay, come on." "Where are we going?" "Back to my room before Audrey gets back." "But we drove her here." "She's not gonna be able to get back to" "Exactly!" "You know tonight doesn't have to be a complete disaster." "If we hurry, we can still make it to the bars." "Maybe you can find some guy I can openly flirt with." "Am I supposed to be amused by that?" "Yes, David, you are." "But since you're not you should say what you wanna say and get this over with." "You don't have anything to say?" "Honestly, no." "Because in my mind, there's nothing worth even talking about." "It's just a stupid misunderstanding that you seem intent on blowing up into a much larger deal." "Okay." "So just to clarify, I'm crazy and you're not gonna even attempt an apology." "I was talking with the guy, David." "That's it." "It's like Jen said, all right?" "I'm just-- l was being nice." "I'm not communicating anything." "I don't want you to feel bad." "You know what?" "I'm beginning to think I should have trusted my original instincts about you." "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Look, if you wanna break up with me over something this minor, just do it." "That's the first place you go?" "What?" "Maybe you've been hanging out with Jen so long you've become the same person." "For a master communicator, you're not expressing yourself well." "We were having a little argument and in two seconds you snowball it..." "...into something catastrophic." "Right. I manage." "And you weren't passive-aggressive." "l'm not looking for a way out." "And I am?" "lf you're bored..." "...or in over your head, say so." "Did I say that?" "Fine." "But I am not just gonna dump you so you can walk away guilt-free." "Guilt-free" "David, I am guilt-free." "I didn't do anything wrong." "Right." "What?" "Great, you're leaving now?" "Yes." "And I'm gonna make this really simple for you." "Either apologize to me or break up with me." "Oh, fine, okay." "Whatever." "Sorry." "No." "No, no, no." "I deserve better than that." "Take a day." "Hell, take a week." "Think about it." "And let me know what you decide." "Wait, C.J. Wait." "Let me explain." "Will you please let me explain?" "l think I've heard all I need to hear." "Look, I need to talk to you." "I need your help." "Oh, you need my help?" "Well, you said it earlier." "Why don't you call the help line." "Okay, I will." "Oh, man, I really hope somebody picks up." "I'm not gonna do this." "You've got a crazy girl on the other end of the line." "She might do something irrational if she doesn't talk to somebody." "Hello?" "Hi. ls this the help line?" "Yes." "Because you didn't say, " help line."" "Hello." "Help line." "Who am I speaking with?" "You didn't give me your name." "Hello." "Help line." "This is C.J. Do you have a crisis?" "Hi, C.J." "You have a very sweet voice." "Do you have a crisis or not?" "Yes, I do." "And you sound like somebody that I could trust." "And somebody who could be endlessly sympathetic with a girl who has a lot of problems." "Oh, well, isn't that ironic?" "Considering I just got dumped today by a girl with a lot of problems." "Or maybe she doesn't have any problems." "Personally, I wouldn't know, because she doesn't confide in me." "Well the thing is that maybe this girl realizes she made a mistake but she doesn't know what to do about it." "Well, maybe she needs to start realizing that whatever the problem is, her boyfriend is not the enemy." "Right." "Well, see-- Now, that's the thing about this girl." "She has a tendency to subscribe to self-destructive behaviours in her life, and that when one part of her life isn't going well she has this desire to destroy everything else going on." "And plus, she's never really been able to trust anybody before, so" "Everybody's gotta start sometime." "So, what?" "So, what do I do?" "I just-- l just-- l just say what it is that's bothering me and then I look up and you're still there?" "That's what this boyfriend thing's about." "If you don't want a boyfriend, I can certainly" "She's sick." "My Grams is sick." "And she has been keeping it from me and it's the reason she broke up with your Uncle Bill and I don't know what else she's been keeping from me." "I don't know what's gonna happen I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't know anything about anything." "And so I had a freak-out, one freak-out. ls that okay?" "Yes." "Yeah." "Take as many as you need." "Just the man I was looking for." "l knew you'd come around." "They always do." "Yeah." "Where's Dr. Drew?" "Again with the Pinsky?" "Listen, I hate to tell you, but your beloved Dr. Drew not so great with the staying power." "What?" "He went to the airport after the gig." "But I never got any personal face time with him." "What are you still doing here?" "l like to hang behind at these things see if I can scrape up a little coed tail." "Has that ever worked for you?" "No." "No, it hasn't." "Joey?" "Jen!" "Jack!" "Anybody!" "Could this night suck any harder?" "There are more productive ways to manage aggression." "Listen, buddy" "Hi." "Dr. Drew, l-- l wasn't angry just now. I was just-- l was practicing for a play." "You know, "Stella, Stella," all that." "Oh, you're an actress?" "Well I am, but more so in life, I guess, than in art." "I have a bit of a flair for the dramatic." "You don't say." "Yeah." "Although I should kind of point out I wasn't entirely lying about the whole rehab thing." "I mean, it happened, that whole part of my life." "And it wasn't pretty having to face myself and all that." "But every night, after a long day's whining I would lie in bed and I'd bug my roommate by listening to you guys give advice to those other losers out there in radioland." "And I don't know. lt just-- lt made me feel less alone." "So...." "Well, I guess I just want to say thank you for being you." "And the truth is I don't know if I could've done it without you." "Plus you're, like, totally hot." "Do you want a ride?" "l would love one." "But I know you're married, so we must keep our distance, Drew." "I'll try." "So you must have, like, a boatload of groupies, huh?" "A few." "Yeah." "Don't you kind of hate girls like that?"