"DANIEL:" "Get him in position!" "Well, you know how they say that thing about twins, how, like, you feel the same shit?" "Like, even if you're not in the same place, one twin will feel what the other twin's feeling, right?" "Well, I know that's true, because when we were little, me and Nath, we were at Big W in Tarcoola with Mum, right?" "And we lost Nath." "So me and Mum are looking for him, right?" "And I felt this kind of wet patch, like, here in my undies, and I said to Mum, 'Shit, Nath's pissed his pants." "I don't know where he is, but he's pissed his pants, definitely.'" "When we found him, sure enough, he'd pissed his pants." "Right, Daniel, you ready?" "Alright, do the punch." "Ow!" "So we're going to put Nath outside..." "Dan, you feel anything?" "No." "It didn't hurt." "Have me inside and do shit to him, and then see if I feel it." "Arggh!" "What about that, Dan?" "Your arm hurt?" "Nah." "Nothing." "What's that for?" "Boiling water to pour on him." "DANIEL:" "And they reckon it works with your other senses too, like, they reckon your sense of smell." "Fuck off!" "Hey, Dan, you smell any dog shit at all?" "No, I can't smell anything." "DANIEL:" "And they reckon it works with your sense of horniness too." "What about now?" "JULIA:" "Give it!" "Um, yep." "Hey, Dan, you got a stiffy?" "Nah." "Nah." "It's not working." "Try the pain one again." "Ow!" "Fuck off!" "Come back, arsehole." "Dickhead." "Nathan!" "He's pissed off at you." "I'm fucking pissed off at him." "(Dog barks)" "Actually, that kind of works." "Twins, both pissed off." "I knew that would work." "I knew it would work." "Fuck." "Let's go tell Mum." "£ Theme music" "And 10,000 people seated..." "JEN:" "Today has brought some very big news, some news that's exciting me beyond recognition." "Tim is going to be honoured at the Tokyo X Games for his 16th birthday celebration." "Inflatable you is going to come down from the stadium, on the roof." "I can't believe he's going to be 16." "It seems like yesterday he was, er, sucking on my breast." "You come up, you flip, you do the 900." "Then you come down, crowd cheer and they sing Happy Birthday To You." "OK, wait, I can't just do the 900." "You know how much practice that would take?" "Be confident in yourself." "The Tokyo X Games is the biggest skateboarding event on the calendar." "Tim, shut up and watch him, please." "Your mum has worked so hard to organise this." "Tim has been very snappy with me lately." "He's not being himself." "He's become very aggressive with me." "I can't do it in three weeks." "You'd better do it in three weeks, 'cause if you stuff it up on the day, you'll look like a dickhead." "I told Tim, 'You have every opportunity at your feet, but you're being a little prat.'" "Tim!" "Less chat, more practice!" "Tim, he lost a few skateboard competition lately, and his skating is not as good." "It's very worrying for me as a mother." "You stuffed it up." "Do it again." "He is not concentrating with his schoolwork, and falling asleep sometimes." "We're all tired, Tim, it's not an excuse." "I called my best friend, Xintru, who has a teenage son as well, and she said that it's growing pains." "They say that the 15-year-olds, the cock stop growing at 15 for the boys, but the rest of them keep growing." "So for Tim, he 15, his cock is fully grown, but the rest of him got a lot of growing to do." "Get up!" "You got work to do." "We got the Ushi Cola campaign coming up, and we have an animated cartoon series based on Tim." "Tim going to be doing the voice for that." "OK, give me this." "So if he don't get his shit together, then we all stuffed big-time." "S.MOUSE:" "Well, today, I got to do my community service, 'cause I got myself into a little altercation with my girlfriend, Lasquisha." "And on account of her taking out a restraining order on me, they sent me out to an elementary school." "It's going to look better if I have that shit hanging out, 'cause you get more flow, see what I'm saying?" "S.MOUSE:" "Saying to the kids, 'This is right, this is wrong,' you know?" "Inspiring them." "Being a role model to them." "I'm asking this dude if he can take it off for five minutes." "Baby, it can't come off." "Why?" "I'm not going to go anywhere." "No." "This performance today is the first chance ever for the world to see the new me, you know what I'm saying?" "My new image." "They're going wild." "They're ready to party." "We have for you boys and girls a very special guest." "Oh, fuck." "Here we go." "He's going to teach you all a valuable lesson about right and wrong." "It's the pop star Smoose." "Smoose!" "Thank you, Smoose." "(Drum beat) £ Oh" "£ Yeah" "£ Whassup, mother-fuckers?" "£ This is S-dot-mouse exclamation mark" "£ Are you ready to slap your elbows?" "Yeah!" "£ Slap my elbow You do it like this... £" "I'm going to start with Slap My Elbow to ease them in." "I don't want to freak them out first up." "Then after that, I'm gonna hit them up with some of my new shit." "£ Five divided by six Equals my intellectality" "£ E equals mc squared, mother-fuckers... £" "But you know what?" "The reason I'm here today is to teach the kids right from wrong." "So I wrote a new song especially for today." "It's that song that's teaching the kids about the dangers of the world out there." "'Cause if you're a kid, you know, there's nothing more dangerous in the world than a paedophile." "£ Hot children Looking at children" "£ Hot children, think about When you're walking home alone, kids" "£ And you see a scary man" "£ Don't look him in the eye, kids" "£ Don't get in his van" "£ 'Cause he's checking you out, kids He likes your style" "£ He likes your style" "£ 'Cause he's a big fat mother-fucking paedophile... £" "If I can use my talent to be able to entertain as well as educate, then, man, that's got to be a good thing." "£ 'Cause those bad guys They're checking you out" "£ Yeah" "£ Mmm. £" "(Chatter from TV)" "Guys, Steve's here." "Is everybody here?" "Hey, guys, look at this." "What do you think?" "Fantastic, Steve." "DANIEL:" "Steve's been sucking up to us heaps lately." "He bought us all a Wii." "Wiis are for fags." "DANIEL:" "All the little kids are into it, but I reckon it's shit." "Have fun playing it." "I'm not playing it." "KERRY:" "That's wonderful, Steve." "It's a fag game." "'Cause Steve's marrying Mum, like, he's trying to get on my good side." "So he's doing all this shit and trying to get involved in my life." "I don't even want him involved in my life." "We can all play at the same time." "If you're a fag." "DANIEL:" "He's called me fucking 'Danny' the other day." "'Oh, Danny!" "' I was like, 'Don't fucking call me 'Danny'.'" "Yeah!" "Enjoy it." "I won't be." "DANIEL:" "And the even shitter thing is that his son Kayden, his three-year-old, right, is coming to stay with us every second weekend, 'cause Steve gets custody." "So I end up having to deal with a three-year-old, which is shit, 'cause I don't even like three-year-olds." "Can you say, 'I like bum'?" "I like bum." "Oh, do you?" "Do you really?" "I can't believe you confessed it." "Say 'Come here, Fuckos.' Come here, Fuckos." "Daniel, be responsible!" "He's only three." "Go 'My dad is gay.' My dad is gay." "Say it in a loud voice so he can hear." "He's over there." "Hey, Steve, Kayden wants to tell you something." "Say it." "My dad is gay." "(Laughter)" "Hey, Steve, you're a big fag." "Go." "Hey, Steve, you're a big fag." "Oh, Steve!" "Stevo!" "Did you hear that?" "Is your dad straight or gay?" "Gay." "Oh, Stevo!" "TYSON:" "Steve's gay." "Kayden reckons you're gay." "Mum's been on my back lately about swearing." "She reckons I swear too much." "And she reckons I use the word 'fag' heaps." "Like she reckons I'm always calling people fags." "Piss off, you fag." "Mum, Tyson's being a fag." "Why'd you buy these, mum?" "These are for fags." "This toast is faggy." "Daniel, if you say the word 'fag' or call anyone a fag again..." "DANIEL:" "And she said, right, as a threat, if I keep saying 'fag' that she's going to make me spend a whole day with Henry Keddys." "And he's this actual teenage homo that lives in Dunt." "One whole day with Henry Keddys, getting to know each other." "Yeah, yeah." "And he goes to my school, and Mum's friends with his mum, and, like, she's arranged it." "Oi, Nath." "Nathan, you fag!" "We're gonna take Kayden outside." "That's it!" "That's it." "You said it." "You said 'fag'." "Sorry." "I mean it." "I am going to do it." "Sorry." "I'm going to call them right now." "Fuck." "Fuck off, you fag!" "It's your fucking fault." "JEN:" "Tim, hurry up, please." "I took Tim to the doctor to find out what the hell is going wrong with him." "And the doctor said he overworked and he a little bit depressed." "So that's why he being so tired and annoying lately." "I said to the doctor," "'How you get depression living in a place like this?" "I..." "I don't understand it.'" "When I was a young girl," "I used to have to take a shit in the rain out the back of my house in front of the neighbours." "Now, that's depressing." "Everyone has to be nice to Tim." "He's got depression." "Tim needs to realise, the bottom line is, if he can't handle the pressure, then the whole company is going to go to the tubes." "Go to your room." "I have to practise." "I want you to go relax." "I've come up with a few plans to relieve the pressure for Tim." "I need to get him relaxed badly." "Go tug yourself off or something, whatever you need to do to relieve yourself." "I'm also, business-wise, going to take over some of his responsibilities." "Bruce and I have been thinking of ways that we can get you more relaxed and less depressed." "Number one " "I'm going to do the voice of Tim for the cartoon." "What?" "I'm doing your voice for that." "So that's sorted." "No!" "I don't want you doing it." "I want to." "Tim, I'm good at voices." "You don't need to worry about it." "I don't want you doing it." "That's weird." "Tim, it's not weird, look, I can sound like you." "'I'm Tim and I'm gay.' That's you." "That doesn't sound anything like me." "That's not even believable." "It does sound like you, Tim." "You're in denial if you think you don't sound like that." "You have an annoying little squeaky high voice." "I don't want you doing it." "Shut up, please." "Also, Bruce, if you could show, please." "Bruce and I have decided, for relaxation purposes, we are going to get you a dog." "We are going to get you a Shar Pei." "A Shar Pei, yes." "A little puppy." "I don't really want one." "We want you to become best friends with the dog, teach it to skate, because I was thinking that the dog could become a nice little plush toy for the Gay Style range." "Sold separately, or maybe on a cute little Gay Style skateboard." "I don't want a dog for that reason." "You got mild depression, Tim." "Dog's going to help that." "So we will be getting you a dog, so you order that dog, please." "JEN:" "Tim, he always fight against me, but now I feel better in a way to know that it's because of this depression." "(Knocks on door) Tim." "Just wanting to give you privacy in your relaxing time." "But just wanted to let you know that Cho used to work in the rub-and-tug place." "So if you need someone to come and give you the rub and tug, she come in." "It's very relaxing." "No." "OK." "He said no." "S.MOUSE:" "I don't know." "I just wasn't feeling the vibe from those kids, you know what I'm saying?" "Don't think they were feeling my new shit." "Pretty sure some of them recognised you, man." "Recognised me?" "Of course they recognised me." "Look, they didn't know who you were because everyone's starting to forget you." "Shut..." "It's a simple fact." "You locked up." "I only been locked up for two months." "They forget me that quick?" "That's all it takes." "They forget shit, like, quickly, man." "They don't forget a classic song." "That shit's going to be around for all time, for history." "They might have missed it." "By the time you get out of here, you'll be forgotten." "Period." "What the fuck?" "Forgotten?" "Yes." "If we went to the mall right now, I would get mobbed." "That's how mother-fucking famous I am." "Hey, you go to that mall, I'm gonna kick your ass." "You're still under arrest." "You wanna go to the mall?" "Man, your IQ is about the size of your dick." "Seven." "God damn it." "How the fuck do you deal with him?" "You go to that mall now, you got to be the stupidest mother-fucker" "I've ever met in my life." "Hey, Dad, you need anything from the mall?" "Kiss my ass, mother-fuckers." "Keep your ass here." "Quit being stupid." "Yeah, where my kids at?" "Yeah, I'm at the mall." "Hey, film this, mother-fucker." "Yeah, yeah, you got this?" "Yeah, we at the mall." "This is S-dot-mouse kicking it at the mall, you know what I'm saying?" "Normally I don't come without security in the mall." "In a minute you're gonna see why I don't come without security." "Yeah." "Let's go meet my fans, yeah, yeah." "Yo!" "We want to buy some shit." "You want to close the store off, or what?" "Yeah, yeah." "You're asking for trouble if you don't close the store off." "Gonna be a lot of fans in here soon, yeah." "(Single squeal)" "Here we go." "LASQUISHA:" "No, she dropped her fucking ice-cream, asshole." "Excuse me, do you guys know him?" "No." "(Laughs) Not everyone knows me." "Do you guys know him?" "No." "Excuse me, ma'am, do you know who he is?" "No." "Nobody knows." "Wrong age group, mother-fucker." "My fans aren't grandmas." "Familiar with him?" "No." "Shut the fuck up!" "Yeah, yeah." "You filming this shit?" "Yeah, here I am with my real fans." "One, two, three, four fans." "You know what I'm saying?" "Yeah." "Oh, yeah, big fans." "My little sister, she was obsessed with you, ages ago." "A lot of girls are obsessed with me, you know what I'm saying?" "You say hi to your little sister for me." "Yeah, what else you want to know?" "You know my name?" "What's my name?" "S.mouse. S.mouse. They all know my name." "One, two, three, four." "You say my name after three." "One, two, three - say my name." "GIRLS:" "S.mouse." "Yeah, yeah, you got that." "You know my songs." "What songs you know?" "You know a lot?" "You want to hear some of my new shit?" "Play some new shit for them." "Press play." "This is a new song." "I got a lot of new tracks." "I got some smooth tra... (Music starts) This one." "You hear that?" "RECORDING: £ Yeah, you want to know what I got?" "£" "You like that song?" "How that song making you feel?" "RECORDING: £ He's got black balls... £" "Yeah, the new shit." "Yeah, um, our Mom is, like, waiting, so we have to go." "Your ma?" "You gotta go?" "Yeah, you go." "Go, go, go." "You gotta go." "You can't leave your mom waiting." "When you gotta go, you gotta go." "Pick that up." "You don't leave that shit going there." "Pick that up." "Excuse me!" "Excuse me." "Hi." "Are you from High School Musical?" "No." "Oh." "Mother-fuck!" "(Chuckles)" "You fucking hear that?" "Don't you fucking laugh!" "DANIEL:" "Well, it's really shit." "'Cause I kept saying the word 'fag', my mum, right, she's making me spend a whole day with Henry Keddys." "Daniel, Henry's here." "He's this actual homo from my school." "Hey, Daniel, what's up?" "Hey." "I think Mum's trying to make me realise that it's offensive to fags if you call them fags." "It's shit that I have to spend all day with him, 'cause I've pretty much got nothing in common with him." "It's not going to be fun." "Daniel, where's Henry?" "I don't know." "Outside, I suppose." "Well, get out there with him." "He's your guest." "He's a fa..." "Daniel." "You watch it." "(Sighs) Alright." "So, you guys still got the motorbikes?" "Yeah." "Cool." "Are you into footy?" "I saw you at that all-ages gig the other night." "It was pretty cool, yeah?" "Yeah, it was alright." "Pretty alright bands." "Some decent chicks there." "Do you mean Rose and Jessie?" "Yep." "They're really good friends of mine." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, I reckon..." "Hi, Nathan." "Your brother's so nice." "He's pretty cute too." "Daniel, how tall are you?" "I reckon we're about the same height." "Check it out." "Stand back-to-back." "Come on." "Hey, Mrs Sims, who's taller, me or Daniel?" "Daniel." "Fuck off, you fag!" "Daniel!" "Fuck!" "Well, he's taking a fucking photo of me." "Daniel, why don't you go out and ride the bikes or something?" "Go out and have a look around the farm." "TIM:" "Mom, you're not letting me do what I want to do." "I'm doing what is best for you, Tim." "Then let me go!" "No." "JEN:" "It has been a roller-coaster ride dealing with Tim and his tiredness and depression." "He's been very difficult." "We had a big fight this morning." "I want to hang out with my friends!" "Too late." "I deadlocked the door." "Give me the key!" "No." "Tim, he think he grown up." "He think he a man." "He not a man." "He 15." "Don't you physically abuse me, Tim." "You're making your sister cry." "Tim need to know I have his best interests in my heart." "And all I want is for Tim to be happy." "What more would a mother want?" "Tim, come down." "We have a surprise for you." "We got your cartoon series." "They sent the DVD." "Everything I do is to make a good life for Tim." "It's all for Tim." "Sit next to Mum." "JEN'S VOICE:" "I'm gay!" "Hey!" "This is Tim Okazaki." "Welcome to my fantasy skate world." "Let's carve this park up Gay Style!" "£ Hardcore Breaking the rules" "£ Mad skater All the others are fools" "£ Grinding away" "£ Get out of my way 'Cause I'm gay!" "I'm Tim." "And I'm gay!" "It's Gay Style!" "You like it, Tim?" "I told you I could do it." "OK, Bruce." "Yes, Tim." "Tim." "Look what we have for you!" "Timmy!" "Tim-Tim!" "Come on, Tim." "It's the puppy that you wanted." "Puppies are good for relaxation." "Give him a pat, Tim." "This dog called Gay Dog." "It's the first ever gay dog." "Dang-dang!" "Merchandise!" "Yes!" "Show." "We sell shitloads of these, Tim." "It's Gay Dog on a skateboard." "JEN:" "Tim has a lot less on his plate now, so he can focus on skating." "And hopefully, that will make him more relaxed and less depressed." "You two are going to be best friends." "Who wants to watch the cartoon again?" "Tim, watch." "Watch." "£ The others are fools Grinding away" "£ Get out of my way 'Cause I'm gay!" "SHWAYNE SNR:" "I'm starting to think that Shwayne Junior is a lost cause." "He's gone and fucked himself up again." "His monitor alerted the authorities, and now his parole officer shows up at my door to tighten his security." "This device stays on at all times." "He got upgraded to an electric shock bracelet." "That means every time he tries to step outside that gate, he gets an electric shock." "You walk across this beam, you will receive a shock." "I don't think that boy is capable of learning a lesson." "I mean, what else are we supposed to do?" "Huh?" "It's too late for an abortion." "(Laughs)" "You put your hand up like this..." "S.MOUSE:" "Yeah, I got another month of house arrest, but I got to say I think it's worth it, you know what I'm saying?" "'Cause going to the mall, it taught me that maybe my creative direction is going a little bit, you know, off the way that it should be going." "Off the pathway, you know what I'm saying?" "Then you whack, whack..." "I'm not giving the kids what they want." "And that's my job, is to give them the shit that they want." "Whack to the right, whack to the left." "Got that shit." "S.MOUSE:" "The kids, they need something familiar." "Slap My Elbow was a kids' song, but it worked, yeah?" "You feel me?" "So I've been spending the afternoon writing up a new song." "£ Whack my knee Whack my knee" "£ You gotta whip it, gotta whack it Whack my knee... £" "Lasquisha, my girl, she coming up with a dance craze to go with that song, and we've been collaborating on some moves together." "Down on the ground, grab." "Yes." "The entertainment industry is a very fast-moving industry, and you always got to be two steps ahead of the mother-fuckers, you know?" "£ Whack my knee Whack my knee" "£ You gotta whip it, gotta whack it Whack my knee" "£ Whack my knee, kids Whack my knee, kids" "£ You gotta whip it, gotta whack it Whack my knee... £" "And I got one month." "And I'm gonna open that gate after my month and I'm gonna explode on the hip-hop scene." "I don't want to know how it feels." "We can cross it, right?" "You can cross it." "What if I do it?" "S-dot-mouse exclamation mark is gonna be back, and he gonna be here and bigger than ever-fucking-mother before, yeah!" "Are you looking for S.mouse?" "He's right over here." "He's right over here." "Who's that?" "Paparazzi, bro!" "(Electricity buzzes)" "(Danthony and Lasquisha laugh) Oh!" "Oh!" "Yeah, very funny, my niggas." "The king of hip-hop is down!" "Lasquisha, who am I?" "Who am I?" "(They laugh) Yeah." "Yeah." "DANIEL:" "Today's been really fun." "Like, I thought today was going to be shit, but Henry's turned out to be a pretty good bloke." "He's down!" "Back to me, Henry!" "Like, he's into shit that I didn't think fags were into." "You didn't get me, mate, you didn't get me." "And he knows all these hot chicks, right?" "And he's going to put in a good word for me with some of his chick mates." "You got me, man, you got me." "Good arse on that." "Yeah, man, good arse." "I'm actually more of a tit man myself." "Do you reckon Rose and Jessie would ever do girl-on-girl?" "I don't know." "Maybe." "Should ask them." "Yeah, it's been a pretty fun day, and, like, Henry and I have had some pretty deep convos." "What's it like being a fag?" "Good?" "Pretty cool." "I like it." "You been checking me out at all?" "(Scoffs) Nah." "Right." "Why not?" "Turns out Henry's actually really good at the Wii." "Should I go over to the right?" "And he's so good, like, it makes me want to practise just so I can be as good as Henry one day." "Oh, champion!" "Yes!" "Well done!" "Nathan, the little fuckwit, he invited my mates over 'cause he thought I'd be all embarrassed and shit having Henry here, but I didn't even care." "Hey, guys." "What's going on?" "Like, my mates were shocked at first when they came in, but once they got to know him and they found out that he knew heaps of the chicks that we like, they got along with him." "He knows Rose and Jessie." "Yeah?" "HENRY:" "Really good friends, actually, yeah." "You want to get a three-player going?" "We got three remotes." "He kicks at the Wii as well, man." "You should see him." "He's a fucking champion." "I don't reckon Henry and I will end up being besties, but, like, if I see him round school and that, I'd say g'day, I reckon." "You blokes are enjoying it?" "Look how good he is." "He's killing it." "He's a pretty good bloke." "After you spend a while with him, you sort of forget that he's a fag." "Steve, have you heard some of the new words that Kayden's learnt?" "Say, 'Fuck off, you fag.' Fuck off, you fag!" "Oh!" "Come on, language, guys." "Come on." "Kayden, say it again." "Fuck off, you fag!" "Oh, Kayden!" "(Laughter)" "We do Family Day four times a year." "What if my mum brings in my dog and Talib tries to wank it?" "(Laughter)" "Shut up, or I'll cancel Family Day!" "Line up at the door, please." "Mum's coming today, is she?" "Hello, Ruth Sims." "Good to meet you." "I love your outfit." "(Kids sing)" "Mum's not here, mate." "It doesn't mean she doesn't love you." "BLAKE:" "Jake and Tahlia find me quite entertaining." "The thing with chicks is, they love pink." "Wave pink in front of her and she's so fucking happy." "Don't tell Mum I did that." "Come out of the bathroom, got your cock out, you don't want a kid to see it." "Good to see you!" "Mate, if he shot my fucking balls off, he would have been dead by now." "I don't want people like this in our lives." "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "Nath pulls way more chicks than me." "Nathan!" "All the methods he's using he's learnt from me." "It's good if she sees us." "Chloe Garety's this really fucking hot chick." "I reckon I could get her, like." "As if, man." "I fucking could!" "We came up with this plan..." "Hello, this is Nathan." "Wish me luck." "Hi, Chloe." "I'm Nathan." "Dan, piss off!" "Look, Penny, she's got her hand on your arse." "Very amusing." "(Farts) (Kids laughs)" "Whoo!" "Yeah!"