"So, guys, what'd you think of the oscars?" "I loved it." "So much razzle." "So much... dazzle." "I'm just pleased that lace is once again a fashion "do."" "The "in memoriam" montage was wonderful." "I'd love to meet those people someday." " Should we tell..." " Nope." "No upside." "Right." "Will someone come check my homework?" "Oh, be right there, sweetheart!" "Thanks!" "Hey, Larry, you all right over there?" "No, he's fine." "This happens sometimes when he watches TV." "Um, okay." "Well, you guys have a great night." "We'll do it again next year." "He's fine." "Okay." "Let's take a look." "Really, bud?" "For 10 times 2, you went with 100%?" "Crushed it." "Well, no." "That's all right, buddy." "Just school." "Go brush your teeth." "I'll come up to say good night." "Okay." "Really?" "It's just school?" "It's third grade math homework." "I don't want him to beat himself up." "Well, Marty, I think we need to be a little tougher on him." "You know, I think we need to push him a little more." " Ah, we push him plenty." " Do we?" "Becoming a little fast and loose with the old fist pump." "You're becoming like a fist-pump slut." "That's a good one." "Look, you know how my parents made me feel growing up, with the crazy pressure." "I don't wanna get like that with Max." "Larry?" "I... am going to win... an Oscar." "S01E17 Larry Bird Presents an Oscar-Winning Film by Larry Bird" "I'm borrowing some DVDs." "Only the academy award winners." "Okay, Larry." "Well, we're gonna go to bed." "You can take whatever you want." "Just make sure you shut the lights before you leave." "I'm borrowing the movies for research to help me craft my own Oscar-winning film." "Fun project." "Good night." "When I first arrived here," "I wanted to win a nobel prize." "But after watching the oscars," "I realized that the nobel prize is just small potatoes." "I mean, can you even name one nobel prize winner?" " That's easy..." " And don't say Nelson Mandela." "You see, on your meshugenner planet, you revere filmmakers more than peacemakers." "Thus, I shall win the most important award you have..." "Oscar." "Bono?" "No." "Sean Penn?" "No." "Google?" "Mom!" "Dad!" "I have the biggest news ever!" " Me and Dick..." " Dick and I." "Really?" "Biggest news ever, and you're stopping me for grammar?" "Come on." "Come on." "What?" "We were picked to compete in the district spelling bee!" "Can you believe it?" "No, I don't believe that, kiddo." "Do you have written proof?" "I sure d-o." " I just can't stop." "I don't know why." " Oh, well..." "Um, Max, you spelled better than every other kid in your class?" "Yeah." "Well, a lot were out with strep throat." "What word did you spell?" "They picked the words out of a hat, and I had to spell "Weaver."" "Oh." "So you got in by spelling your last name?" "Pretty cool, huh?" "It's like I was meant to win the spelling bee!" "The district spelling bee." "That means the magnet school with the gluten-free cafeteria, and our kid got in by spelling his last name." "Well, we got a week to teach him how to spell." "I'm gonna get started on the flash cards." "Okay, but please, we just can't put too much pressure on him." "I don't want him to get up there and choke, you know?" " You remember what happened with the..." " Okay, Marty, we all remember the incident." "I don't know about the incident." "What's the incident?" "I'm gonna break out the VCR." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Don't make me watch it." "Please." "No." "Honey, she needs to know where she comes from." "All right, I'm off to zumba with Mary Lou retton." "What are you doing, husband?" "I'm making a list of the qualities of all the Oscar-winning films, and then I'll incorporate them into my movie and be a shoo-in for "best picture."" "I'm up to "the blind side"..." ""best actress," 2010." "Great news, parents!" "I got into the district spelling bee." "Oh, that's wonderful, son." "Do you need me to help you study?" "No, thanks." "My intellect surpassed yours years ago." "Actually, I don't really need you for anything anymore." "Jeez, dick, tell me how you really feel." "Well, I suppose the only reason that I still live here is because I crave approval from my father." "Father, I qualified for a spelling bee." "Yes, and you're being quite irritating about it." "Round and round we go." "Care to join me for "the blind side"?" "Apparently it's a heartwarming story of a Southern woman who takes in a giant black child who needs a home." "Oh, I remember what it was like to be needed by a child." "Though mine's not a giant black." "More of a petite ginger." "Roll it." "So when your dad and I started dating," "I thought it would be fun if we sang "Summer lovin'" from "Grease" at the senior recital." "You and I so would not have been friends in high school." "Continue." "When my parents found out, they built it up to be this huge thing, you know?" "Made me practice around the clock." "Okay." "Just watch." "And your father had the first line, but he just froze." "I choked in front of everyone." " Now watch what she does here." "Look." " Â™º Summer days, drifting' away" " Watch what she does." " Oh, let it go." "Watch." "Â™º to, oh, oh, the summer ni..." "And that, daughter of mine, is "the incident."" "Thank you." "That was the best thing we've ever done together." "And that's why we can't put too much pressure on Max." "Okay." "We'll be low-key about it." "Casual." "Oh, yeah." "Because you're great at being casual." "No one casually abandons their husband on stage quite like you." "Oh, 25 years ago, Marty." "Let it go." "Yeah, but it feels like yesterday." ""Blind side" is the most wonderful movie in the entire world." "I love the way that helpless giant needs Sandra Bullock to give him a home and take care of him." "I want a child to blindside." "Oh, I don't think you're using the term "Blind side" correctly." "Of course I am." ""Blind side," verb... to find a person less fortunate than you are and dramatically change his life so that you feel like the most important and most needed person in the entire world." "I stand corrected." "All right, love dumpling, I'm off to make my Oscar winner." " Wish me luck." " Good luck." "I don't need luck." "I have my list." "Just like my homeboy, schindler." ""Best picture," 1993." "Hey, buddy, whatcha doing?" " Gonna go skateboard." " Hey, I have an idea." "What do you say we play a game where we spell everything we're gonna do?" "Watch." "I'm gonna read." "R-e-a-d." "Okay, let's do that." "Max, what are you gonna do?" "L-e-v." "Was that "leave"?" "I fear it was." "Mommy, are you ready to have our Tuesday tea party with me and the girls?" "Oh, baby, another time." "Mommy has to go outside and trick your brother into spelling stuff, 'cause daddy won't let her be a good mommy." "She says to the 6-year-old who she just left alone in the house." "And action!" "We'll be safe here, mama... because life is like a box o' chocolates." "And music!" "Oh, no!" "Rain man found us!" " Definitely." "Definitely." " You're not real!" "You're just a symptom of my schizophrenia, the one downside of my..." "Beautiful mind." "Cut!" "Cut!" "Cut!" "How was that, father?" "Absolute drivel." "Apparently, stringing together elements from Oscar-winning movies does not make a compelling film." "It is harder than I thought." "Perhaps, uh, "best picture" is a bit ambitious." "If only there was a kind of film that didn't require a script or fancy sets or real actors?" "Like those Tyler Perry things?" "No." "A movie where we film the world around us?" "That's it." "A documentary." "I just need something to document." "...c-e-r-o-s." "Rhinoceros." "Yes." "Everyone loves a movie about a kid who wins it all." "Dick, I am going to make a movie about your road to spelling bee victory." "Fatherly attention?" "I'll take it." "Yes." "I'm going to win an Oscar for best documentary." "Thank you." "Sweetheart, what's the matter?" "I was supposed to have a tea party today, but now nobody wants to have one with me." "A child of a different race in need." "A selfless woman in a vehicle." "So what you're sayin' is that you have nowhere to have your tea party tonight?" "I'm not saying that." "I have a tea set in my room." "Don't you lie to me." "Why are you talking like Reba?" "Get in." "You're comin' home with me." "Okay." "Blind sided." "...e-m-u-m." "Chrysanthemum." "Right again." "Of course I am." "I memorized the dictionary." "Spell "porcupine."" "P-o-r-c-u-p-I-n-e." "Porcupine." "For the love of God." "Reggie, I'm reviewing my list of Oscar-winning elements" " and getting worried." " Hmm." "Do you feel this has, "a," dramatic tension..." " No." " "B," an underdog..." "I am the best speller in the world." " No." " "C," a relatable lead?" "My tail hurts." "I'm not even going to tell you "d."" "Sex appeal." ""D" is sex appeal." "I fear my brother is not leading man material." "You're right." "We need someone more... camera-friendly, someone who seems like a long shot to win a spelling bee, but is so loveable that you root for him against all odds." "I'm okay!" "Maxwell "against all odds" Weaver." "I am going to make you a star." "Now I know it's not much." "I've never had one of these before." "A room to yourself?" "No." "A room just for tea parties." "Okay, Alli, you sit here, and Funny Bunny, you sit here," " and..." " Blind sided." "Sit up." "Okay." "That's my relatable, all-American boy." "Hello, father." "Shouldn't we get back to the documentary?" ""Tetracycline."" "T-e-t-r-a-c-y-c-l-I-n-e." " "Tetracycline."" " Dick..." "I have some rather unfortunate news." "You are no longer the star of my documentary." "But it's called "Larry bird presents Dick Butkus wins the spelling bee."" "I'm essential." "Son, I'm gonna shoot you straight because I know that's how you like to receive information." "No, it isn't." "I don't know why you decided that." "You aren't relatable, you're not all-American, and you keep looking directly into my camera lens." "So I'm making another documentary." "It's called" ""Larry bird presents Max Weaver... against all odds."" "You're making a documentary about Max?" "I am." "Now if you'll excuse me," "I have to get back to editing my..." ""Max skateboards and is a cutie pie" sequence." "Okay, Max, I really want you to fake up the humility, okay?" "I mean, I don't know if I'm gonna win the bee," " but I'm gonna try my best." " All right." "Now cuter." "I mean, I don't know if I'm gonna win the bee, but I'm gonna try my best." "Okay, what is going on?" "Oh." "Larry asked me to star in his documentary." "It's gonna be all about how I win the spelling bee." "Thanks, Larry." "That's just what we needed." "Okay." "Let's get spelling." "Oh, good." "You won't even know we're here." " Okay." "Shovel." " Oh, Debbie." "Um..." "You think you could get a stutter going?" "I want to get a kind of "king's speech" thing going here." "Give me your best Colin Firth." "What time is it?" "May I have one of those cookies, Abby?" "They look simply divine." "Ms. Joyner-Kersee, I miss my mommy." "I know you do, baby." "But she's a drug addict, and she can't give you the life my white family can." "I think I hear my mom calling." "What's that?" "Come home now?" "Well, you know my mom and her rules." "In the end, they all leave." "A-l-o-n-e." "Alone." "Caterpillar." " Guys, enough." "I'm tired." " Well, you know what they say... nothing wakes you up more than spelling." "Show me one person who says that." "Show me that person and I'll spell all night." "Check me out, father." "I have a new all-American look." "What's the hippity haps, my fellow relatable Americans?" "Dick, please." "We're recording." "Okay, come on, Max." "Caterpillar." "I said I'm tired." "Father, do you like my all-American chubby checkers twist?" "Dick." "Okay, if you're gonna stay, you have to be quiet." "Listen, Max, we're trying to help you, okay?" "Now come on." "Caterpillar." "Larry says I don't need help." "Larry says I'm a great story and I can't lose." " That's right, Max." " Really?" "Well maybe Larry should be more concerned with you not humiliating yourself." "I'm gonna humiliate myself?" "No, sweetie, that is not what he meant." " That's not what I meant..." " Okay, guys, I just need some time alone." "Can you please just get out?" " Okay." "Okay." "I will give you a moment." " Please just go." " Please, mom." " But, Dick, your hat is in the shot." "That's it." "Nothing I do makes you proud." " What are you talking about?" " You, too." " Just need a quick 2-shot." "That's it." " No." " And then I'll be..." " You do not get a 2-shot." " Out of your hair." " No." "Go." "Well, at least vertical stripes are slimming." "shh." "Shh." "Shh." "Here they come." " Sound speed." " Action!" "You're gonna do great today, honey." "Yeah." "We believe in you, kiddo." "Yeah, well, you didn't last night." "I need to focus." "All right." "All right." "Wanna sit together, Ms. Joyner-Kersee?" "That depends." "Are you ready to start acting like an impoverished 300-pound black man?" "Yeah, I'll be right there, mom!" "Ball and chain." "Reggie, boom!" "Careful not to record me, father." "Wouldn't want someone so unrelatable tainting your documentary." "Oh, Dick, get off it." "Oh, great, here he comes." "No." "Not so close." "No filming in the car." "One quick shot in here, Debbie, and I'll be out." "Give me the freakin'..." "This is crazy." "I can't spell." "What am I even doing here?" ""Libraries"..." " l-I-b-r-a-r-I-e-s. "Libraries."" " It's almost Max's turn." "I can't watch." "Next up is Dick..." "Butkus." "Hello, my fellow red-white-and-blue-ies." "Uh... hello." "Your word is "cylinder."" "Though my father doesn't see it, I'm as American as apple pie." "Can I get a round of sound?" "Okay." "Please spell "cylinder."" "C-y-l-i-n-d-e-r." "See you next round, guys and dolls." "Next up, Max Weaver." "Here's our boy." "Max, your word is "resource."" "Resource." "R..." "E..." " Oh, no." "Why isn't he saying more letters?" " I don't know." "Oh, God." "He's choking just like I did." ""The incident" part two..." ""the incident strikes back."" "R..." "E..." "Starting over." "R..." "Starting over." "Third act plot twist." "Move!" "Making a movie here." "Move!" "It's..." " What..." " Does it go... what is... it goes..." "Oh, my God." ""Well-a well-a well-a, unh."" "Tell me more." "Tell me more." "Did you get very far?"" "Supporting actors." "Original song." "I'm going to win every Oscar." "Â™º Yeah, we got friendly down in the sand, yeah, yeah â™º" "Okay." "He's gone." " Deb, it's over now, so..." " Oh." "All right." "Come on." "Come on." "Let's go." "And all that anyone will remember are the crazy people that started singing." " Thanks again, guys." " That's what we're here for, kiddo." "And we're also here to help you when you have trouble with stuff, okay?" "We're gonna start buckling down on the homework a little more." "Finally some structure." "I've been drowning over here." "Told ya." "Look, I'm sorry I got bored of my tea room, Ms. Joyner-Kersee." "It was nice for a while..." "Until it got weird." "So you did need me?" "Mm... sure." " Would you say that I changed your life?" " No." " Can you just say that I changed your life?" " Okay." "You changed my life." "No, big Abby." "You changed mine." "Blind sided." "You should see a therapist." "Okay, Larry, we're all here to watch your Oscar-winning movie." "Yes." "Uh, my movie." "Um..." "May I present "a spelling bee movie"?" "C-y-l-i-n-d-e-r." "See you next round, guys and dolls." "This right here is Zabvronian D.N.A." "Father, this isn't about Max." "No." "I, um..." "I went in a different direction." "Â™º What they'd be" "You missed my mom and dad performing?" "And the part where Debbie got frisked outside the building." "Dude, you missed everything important." "Well, I suppose that's a matter of opinion." "Â™º I tell you what they'd be" "I don't think this is your Oscar winner, father." "That's all right." "I'll get 'em next time." "Â™º Would be all... 13 days since the Weavers' arrival." "They seem relatively harmless." " What was that?" " Um..." "Oh, um..." "Here." "Hold your brother!" "What is that?" "Why would you do that?" "!" "You guys crossed the line!" "You crossed the line!" "More popcorn, anyone?" "For God sake, Mrs. Robinson." "You got me into your house, you pour me a drink, you turn on music, now you're telling me your husband won't be home for hours?" "So?" "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me." "Aren't you?" "I could have been a star."