"Male announcer:" "do you think there'll come a time" "When we run out of stupid deaths?" "Aah!" "Announcer: not with idiots like these dropping' like flies." "Yo, you could have killed me with that." "Announcer: we've got a juvenile delinquent" "Who bolted...himself..." "Oh!" " Oh!" "Announcer: a self-Help guru who flamed out..." "Aah!" "Announcer: a dog hater who missed a step," "A bachelor party that ended poorly," "A car surfer who got shredded..." "Aah!" "Announcer:" "or how about the girl" "Renown for her round mound?" "I'm gonna need a machete." "Announcer: they're dying..." "We're laughing..." "On the next episode of 1000 ways to die." "Death is everywhere." "Most of us try to avoid it." "Others can't get out of its way." "Every day we fight a new war" "Against germs, toxins," "Injury, illness," "And catastrophe." "There's a lot of ways to wind up dead." "The fact that we survive at all is a miracle," "Because every day we live," "We face 1000 ways to die." "Back in 1384, this was one way to have a bad day." "Friedrich has become a raving lunatic" "After eating grain that was infected" "With the hallucinatory fungus called ergot." "Aah!" "Ergot is a fungal disease that infects grasses," "Uh, mainly rye." "It contains 12 alkaloids that are derived" "You're experiencing things like hallucinations." "There's also a physical sensation of burning." "There's been references to the appearance of ergot" "And its effects going as far back as the bible." "Announcer: this was the dark ages," "A time of ignorance and superstition." "When somebody lost his mind like Friedrich," "It was assumed to be the work of the devil." "He was branded a witch." "Ironically, Friedrich, as the head of his village," "Recently accused a young girl of being a witch." "Announcer: and condemned her to death by stoning." "Announcer: he came to this conclusion" "By using a popular witch-hunting test" "At the time." "He'd find a mole on the accused's body" "And prick it with a needle." "If it bled, you were pure." "If not, start praying." "Aah!" "Announcer: the villagers used Friedrich's science" "On Friedrich." "Moles are simply benign growths of discolored skin." "Whether they bleed or not is just random luck." "Unlucky for Friedrich, his mole was bloodless." "Announcer:" "Friedrich went from being high" "To getting stoned." "The brutal pounding broke bones" "And caused internal bleeding," "But it was a rock to the head that did him in." "The rocks are thrown with tremendous momentum" "At the subject," "Striking the body in all locations," "But it's the blow to the head," "Destroying or compressing the brain tissue," "That ultimately causes the demise of the subject." "Announcer: in the dark ages, people lived in fear" "Of what they didn't understand." "Announcer:" "Friedrich condemned others to death" "Based on superstition..." "Until he got a taste..." "Aah!" "Announcer:" "of his own medicine." "All right, Jason, come on, buddy." "Announcer: meet Jason." "His life, as he knows it, is about to end." "I can't see anything." "Announcer:" "he's getting married." "Tonight is his last night of freedom and fun" "His bachelor party." "You look delicious." "Announcer: first thing on the menu--Dinner," "And Jason liked it raw." "Yeah!" "I think they expect more at a bachelor party" "Than they do in a club because, you know," "You make the rules." "In these situations," "Guys are definitely more aggressive." "They're more handsy." "It has to be something really out there" "For me to slap somebody," "But, um, yeah, i've done it." "I say we just dance right here, you know?" "Announcer: mealtime was long over." "You are a naughty boy." " I am, i am." "I'm naughty." "You're very, very naughty." "Announcer: but Jason was still hungry for more." "I'll be--I'll be back." "It might be a while." "Baby." "Jason, get out of here." "What are you doing?" "Your friends are right outside." "Announcer: having sex in a bathroom" "With a drunk bachelor was not part of" "This party girl's job description." "Jason!" "Jason!" "Announcer: she did her best to hold off the horn dog" "Until fate stepped in..." "Aah!" " Aah!" "Announcer: and flushed this loser down the drain..." "Help!" "Aah!" "Announcer: forever." "A combination of water and air pressure" "Had built up due to some repair work being done" "On the hotel's plumbing." "When Jason accidentally flushed the toilet," "A hundred pounds per square inch" "Of built-Up pressure blew the lid off" "And sent it flying" "And resulted in a giant shard" "Going straight up his ass." "Two minutes and six pints of lost blood later," "He was dead." "When he fell onto the piece and it entered his rectum," "It would have caused massive lacerations." "As he was struggling, he could have worked that piece" "Into his sigmoid colon, ripping through the tissues," "Causing him to die of massive bleeding." "Announcer:" "Jason was a pig disguised as a human being." "You look delicious." "Announcer:" "He did his fiancee a huge favor." "Get out of here." "What are you doing?" "Announcer:" "He turned "i do"..." "Aah!" " Aah!" "Announcer:" "into "i dead."" "Help!" "Announcer: coming up..." "I believe in you." "Do you believe in yourself?" "Announcer:" "A firewalker lights up..." "Aah!" "Announcer: and..." "Announcer: a city boy goes down on the farm." "Aah!" "It's about you and i." "Dig deep." "Find the trust." "Announcer: derek manly is a wolf dressed in a cheap suit." "Figure out what you want and go after it." "Announcer: whatever b.S. He's putting out," "He just wants your money." "Go the extra mile for me." "Announcer:" "He started as a new age healer," "Promising to cure any ailment" "With the supernatural power of his gaze." "Next, he sold a phony power drink" "Extracted from imported lemurs." "His motto, "when life gives you lemurs, make lemurnade."" ""Douse the coal structure" "In approximately 50 liters of lighter fluid."" "Announcer: derek's latest scam was as a self-Help guru" "Called the firewalker." "I believe in you." "Do you believe in yourself?" "Announcer: $600 would buy you a spot" "In one of his all-day seminars" "Which ended with an empowering walk across hot coals." "Physics explains how firewalking works." "When two objects of different temperatures touch," "They both move in temperature toward the other." "Unscrupulous hucksters claim that by going through" "Their self-Improvement seminars," "That you're able to control the laws of nature" "And not be burned on a bed of hot coals." "Show us the meaning of trust." "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" "Oh, my god." "Ow!" "Announcer: it was his first time out," "And things weren't going so well." "How hard can it be?" " Ow!" "Watch." "No hesitation." "Watch me rule this fire pit." "Announcer: derek was forced to demonstrate himself." "No pain." "Mastering the fire pit." "No big deal." "Aah!" "Announcer:" "Looks like his new scam" "Needs a little more work." "If a person is burned wearing polyester" "Or a polyester blend material," "Cotton or wool will burn away cleanly," "Whereas the synthetic blend will burn a lot deeper" "But it'll adhere to the skin" "And provide for very deep burns." "It'll actually burn the organs themselves" "And the body won't be able to function." "Announcer: derek was a con man who exploited people's fears" "And insecurities." "I believe in you." "Do you believe in yourself?" "Announcer: but in the end, the self-proclaimed" "Self-help guru couldn't help..." "Himself." "Ralph was a simple guy who lived by a set of rules" "He called "the book of Ralph."" "Number one rule:" "don't bother Ralph" "When he's watching a-Team reruns." "I pity the fool..." "Announcer:" "his ditsy neighbor's new dog" "Was getting under Ralph's collar." "Oh, hi, mister." "How are you?" "Mind shutting up your dog?" "Oh, he's just a dog." "You know dogs." "I'm not gettin' on no airplane!" "Aww..." "Announcer: the dog kept ruining Ralph's a-Team mojo." "It was time for plan "b."" "Another rule in the book of Ralph:" "Weapons are a guy's best friend." "Ralph chose a high-Powered hunting slingshot." "A slingshot can reach the velocity" "Of up to 200 miles an hour up to 100 yards." "Enthusiasts have taken down as large as a deer or a boar." "The slingshot has also been modified" "To do fishing, and they have been known" "To take out a shark of up to 365 pounds." "imagine that." "Announcer:" "Ralph loaded a .38-Caliber steel ball" "Into his weapon, and fired away." "Dog down." "The book of Ralph states:" "after committing a crime," "Hide all evidence." "But check it out, Ralph." "Here on 1000 ways to die, we got our own book of rules." "One of 'em says if any asswipe messes" "With one of god's creatures," "Be prepared for a cosmic slap..." "Whoa!" "Announcer:" "upside the head!" "Our poor ladder climber, falling backward," "Catching his leg." "And he smashed the back of his head" "Into the floor." "The blood is coming downhill." "It goes by gravity, so it's gonna pool much more rapidly." "It's actually gonna squish" "The soft, fleshy part of your brain." "The heart and the lungs stop, and you die." "Announcer:" "Ralph was a loser who thought" "A long cancelled tv show was important." "I'm not gettin' in no airplane!" "Aww..." "But he broke one of our rules..." "And paid with his life." "Whoa!" "Don't pity this fool!" "When steve and jerry got picked up" "For grand theft auto," "They were sentenced to 60 days on a work farm." "Soon enough, they were young, dumb," "And surrounded by dung." "Hey, horse." " Hey." "Come here." "You want a cigarette?" "Typically, a work farm would house 80 to 120 offenders at any given time." "The most successful offenders are those that are willing" "To be held accountable for their crimes." "For those offenders that can't even complete the work program," "Usually the court will come back" "And sentence them to something more drastic." "For these screw-Ups, life down on the farm..." "Yo!" "You could've killed me with that!" "Announcer: was a life-Threatening situation." "Announcer: it wouldn't be a farm story" "Without a farmer's daughter." "What is this?" "It's one of those milkers." "Announcer: she shows up just in time" "To keep the two delinquents from hurting themselves." "Hi, guys." "Please don't touch that." "That's--That's not a toy." "Announcer: when you don't know what you're doing," "The farm can be just as dangerous" "As the street." "Man, forget the lemonade." "I want some milk, mama." "Come on, come here." "Come on, lemme have a little" "No, that's not" " It's no big deal." "Look..." "I'm gonna do it to myself." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh, oh!" "When the captive bolt gun is placed" "Against the forehead of a cow," "The pressure involved in moving this bolt" "Into the brain of a cow through a 1/2-inch of skull" "Is about 100 pounds per square inch." "If it's used on a person," "The concussion of it is just massive," "And that could kill somebody." "But definitely, the bolt," "Which is about the size of your finger" "With a point on it," "Going in about two inches into your chest" "Would definitely hit your heart area" "And kill you almost instantly." "Announcer:" "you hear the one" "About the two juveniles who were sentenced" "To work release on a farm?" " I'll cut your balls off." "Announcer: they messed around and threatened" "The farmer's daughter until one of the accidentally" "Killed himself with a cattle bolt pistol." "Ah, that's a good one." "Up next..." " Circle, man!" "Announcer: you're supposed to be behind the wheel," "Not under it." " Aah!" "Announcer: and..." " What the hell?" "Announcer: this girl needed a bush pilot's license." "Aah!" "You're so hot." " Oh, god, so are you." "Announcer: for a sexually active male like Johnny here," "A woman needs to be hot and eager to please." "Take that skirt off." "Announcer:" "It also helps to have a freshly mown lawn." "What the hell?" "Announcer:" "Bunny had an old-growth forest." "Whoa." "Uhh!" "I'm gonna need a machete, not a penis." "I'm outta here." "Announcer:" "Bunny wanted bang-Bang." "It was time for jungle warfare." "You're about to get whacked." "Announcer:" "Soon enough, the fur was flying." "Aah!" "Ow!" "And now, the wax." "A brazilian wax would remove everything from the bikini area." "The front, back, and in between." "Waxing should always be done by a professional." "If it's done by someone who is inexperienced," "You can rip the skin during the removal process," "And that can leave an open wound," "Which could lead to an infection." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow..." "That's disgusting." "Announcer:" "Bunny was ready with her new field of dreams." "Check out the new me." "Announcer: if you shave it..." " All right." "Announcer:" "they will come." "Two weeks after suffering an open-Skin waxing wound," "Bunny had developed a life-Threatening," "Flesh-Eating virus." "With no health insurance, she didn't seek treatment." "Her kidneys were the first to go." "Soon after, she was dead from blood poisoning" "And organ failure." "Necrotizing fasciitis is a very aggressive infection" "Of the skin." "This group "a" streptococcus is everywhere." "It's on many people's skins." "It's in our throats." "The portal of entry for this bacteria to infect" "Is a break in the skin." "You get blistering and discoloration," "Foul, putrid pus and discharge." "And eventually they will have multi-Organ failure and death." "Announcer:" "Bunny's bush was an embarrassment..." "Uhh!" "Announcer:" "so she hacked and she whacked" "And she waxed..." " Ow!" "Announcer:" "until it disappeared." " Ow!" "Announcer:" "But then Bunny got an infection" "And didn't seek treatment." "And then..." "She disappeared." "According to the fbi," "A car is stolen every 40 seconds, thanks to idiots like these." "Ghost-ride school." "Announcer:" "Eddie, Nick, and his pals are about to have" "Some stupid fun with their latest grand theft ride." "A car-Surfing game called "ghost-Riding the whip."" "Y'all ready?" "Announcer:" "here's how it works." "Start driving, leave it in gear," "Jump out, run alongside, and bust a move." "Check that car." "Announcer:" "it's beyond dumb," "And dangerous beyond belief." "Ghost-Riding is totally dangerous," "It's totally reckless because tons of things can go wrong." "The idle could be too fast." "A lot of people that hop on top of the roofs of cars," "They actually fall off." "I've seen somebody hop in the truck," "And they grab the wheel to hop in the truck." "And the truck almost rolled over." "Announcer:" "Eddie's done with his little show." "Not to be outdone, Nick decides to push it." "The most dangerous of all ghost-Riding" "The whip stunts." " Circle, man!" "Announcer:" "the "circle."" "Turn the wheel, lock it down," "And try to stay out of its way." "Yeah, do the circle, dawg!" "Announcer: it's like a ghetto merry-go-round for thugs." "Keep that blunt going." "Toss it up." "Announcer: wanna see something go from bad to worse?" "Oh!" "The front part of a 3,000-Pound vehicle" "It gonna weigh close to 800 pounds." "That's a tremendous amount of force coming up" "From his crotch, up through his stomach," "His chest, his lungs, to his heart" "Compressing his heart, exploding that muscle." "Then traveling up, crushing his neck," "And eventually crushing his head." "Announcer:" "if there's any question" "On why this idiot died, how about this?" "Go lay in front of a car" "And allow it to crush your testicles," "Your stomach, your lungs, your heart," "And finally, your brain." "And then get back to me."