"Evgeny Koriakovsky I am thinking where to go after work." "Damir Badmaev But I wanna earn a lot more." "Hey, how much do you earn?" "Director of Photography Álexandr Simonov" " Do you hear me?" " Yes!" " Where did you get such a suit?" " l bought it, you jerk!" "Show me your face..." "Árt Director K.Vitavsky Costume Disigner Á." "Nefedova" " Do you have a girlfriend?" " Not yet." "Gimme a pie." "M usic by Richardas Norvila" " Ány love affairs at work?" " Nope..." "Á film by Olga Stolpovskaya, Dmitry Troitsky Ás if our muscles were made of steel." "YO U l LO VE How old are you?" "Hello we can't hear you." "Ány work coming?" "Ány work?" " Guys, any work coming?" " None, Buddy." "Áuthorities are taking measures against the growing number of illegal workers." "They are detrimental to Moscow's budget" "They are responsible for 1 1 %/ of all crime in Moscow" "Stay tuned for our next edition." "I am Vera Kirillova." "Good Bye." "Thanks everybody." "We have it shot." "450 rubles" "My purse has vanished." "Sorry, I saw it being stolen." "I thought it was your friend" "May I get this for you?" "Ádd it up together." "Thanks. I owe you." "Állow me?" "That was almost all my salary." " What's your name." " Timofei." "N ice to meet you." " Will you come here tomorrow?" " Yes." "I 'll give you your money back." "Bye." "... a thirddayofbattle against pests in the U ral region." "Masses of locusts threaten the grain harvest." "Medics say locusts are carriers of an unknown virus." "which has been registered in the south of the region." "Next in our program ..." "Freedom !" "What is freedom?" "Freedom is Cola!" " Áren't you agile." "I 'll be a circus artist." "Life's a bastard." "I didn't get into college." "How am I going to return to my parents now?" " l 've come to return the money." " Állow me to treat you." "Well, what's the news?" "Do you like your job?" "Yeah, but it's exhausting." "My friend worked at the stock exchange and his virility depended upon the value of dollar." "Sometimes, he was basically impotent, not like me, of course." " Stressful job, it sucks." " Everyone has a stressful job." " What do you do?" " l do that." "Want something special?" "Order a pizza!" " You make pizzas?" " l n some sense." "I created this commercial." "Will you have dinner with me tonight?" " This is all we have" " Never mind the tip..." "What's that machine from which people take money out?" "There's this box with a TV on it and people approach it and take out money." " What machine?" "Right there on the corner." "See how much money there is!" "You gotta have a card to stick in there." "I tried to stick my card in there, but nothing happened." "Ánd you gotta know the code too." "Don't you know the code?" " Oh, you're a young one still !" "is it so important for the box?" "I 've an uncle who lives in Moscow." "He's a driver." "So why doesn't he help you?" "I 'm ashamed to go to him." "He'll think I 'm latching onto him." "I 'll earn some money and then invite him over." " Where are your parents?" " Well ..." "They have gone to live to another country." "Ánd what about you?" "I have come back. I love Russia." "I do too." "If life ever delivers happy news, that was it." "I felt Timofei could understand and share my secret passion which gave me no peace..." "I have to tell you ..." "I lose control over myself..." "I want to eat all the time." "I 'll be back" "Yes..." "I will be in ..." "I 'm coming !" "I have to go." " ls something wrong?" " You didn't like it?" " l did !" " No?" "!" " No, everything is ok!" "I just have to go to work." "If he's found, this one. lf not, that one." " Hello." " lt's me." "How are you?" " l 'm not coming today." " Tell me the truth." " We've a problem on our hands." " What happened?" " One big bug disappeared - l can't even tell you" "He went fishing and never come back." "If he doesn't turn up, we'll have special reports." "U ntil they find him." "Yes, I 'm ready." "Sorry, I 'm not speaking to you." "hey, I 'm losing you ..." " H i." "H i." "Sorry, someone disconnected us." "I hate those special reports." "Usually they make me gluttonous." "But now I 'm thinking about us." " What?" "Wait a sec..." "I 'm losing you again." "Sorry, where were we?" " What is his name?" " l don't know." " Ány documents on him?" "I 'm not sure." " What happened?" " Án accident." " Be more specific?" "He fell down ... ontohishead." "It's a job for the cops." " How are you?" " Take me home." " Where do you live?" " l n the zoo." " What is your address?" " l 'll have a doctor come to your place." " Please, don't do that." " Áre you sure that you are okay?" " l have no address." "Hey." "Damn. I can't reach them." "Please, don't call the doctor." "Can I sleep here tonight?" "Okay, if you have no place to spend the night." "I 'll get you a blanket." "Do you have something to smoke?" " What is this?" " Cuban cigars." "I don't smoke cigars." " You're trembling." " Yes..." "I ' mcold." " Me, too." "We're both cold." "I have to go to sleep." " l have to get up early." " l do, too." "We must get enough sleep." "But you don't really want to." "But I should." "You want me to sing a song?" "Your door was open." "What's going on here?" "Nothing." " l 'll explain everything." " You don't need to." " Oh, Jesus." "H i." "Hey!" "It's not what you think!" "It's something else." "I hit him today with my car..." "... andhe gotsickand I was just trying to help him." "I am cold, I am freezing." "Let's go back inside." "But what was that?" "Don't know." "Good morning !" "Sleep well?" "Love..." "Whatis love?" "Love is Cola!" " l don't want to be a robot!" " That's a strong statement." "I like stylish clothes and footwear." " Yes, I love beautiful things!" " Who doesn't?" " l like the smell of my perfume." " Okay." "Do you go in for fitness?" "Gee, what is this?" "I found that in the rubbish heap." " Let me have a look." " lt's rubbish." "Okay!" "I'll redo your shit!" "Á huge storm has swept through the Orlov region." "Victims are reported..." "I can't stand it any more!" "He's a fag, okay?" "Stay tuned for further developments." "Ánd we're taking another phone call." "Hello?" "I'm the strongest and the handsomest." "I like fitness." "I'm happy, I've a nice job." "I'm a totally confident guy." "I earn a lot." "Work more, earn more..." "I'm the handsomest." " Why are you here?" " Came to visit you." "My favorite song !" "Towards the sun in a deer sledge we run." "I nto snowstorm and the dawn that is where we have gone." " Give it to me!" " No!" " ls everything O K?" " Yes, fine." " l heard screaming." " That was my friend screaming." "He had a bad dream." "He was screaming something about love." "Yes... hehadabaddream about love." " H i." " H i." "Where is Timofei?" "Where is Timofei?" "You asked to see me." "Why is he here?" "Yes, I wanted to see you." "I've even taken work home, so as not to stay in the office till late." "You've opened a refuge for the homeless?" "What?" "How can you ever say such a thing?" "I love you very much..." "But I can leave if you don't need me any more..." "No, I won't say that." "I have a terrible headache." "I must sleep." "Good night." "Good night." " You're what... a laborer?" " Yes." " Why?" " Because. I work at the zoo." " Ánd you have nowhere to live?" " Nowhere." "May I ask you something?" "Go ahead !" "You're beautiful and famous." "Why Timofei?" "He has such..." "beautiful hands..." "I wish I could always hold his hand, kiss him..." "What?" "Hold his hand?" "That's... well..." "I mean..." "No one is saying that it's bad." "Want to smoke?" " Hey, you're on." "Talk to us." " lt's my birthday today." " Why are you so sad then?" " l had someone to love..." "" " Ánd now I've lost him." " That happens sometimes." "But it'll pass." "What song shall I play for you?" " l don't know the title..." " lt doesn't matter..." "So, for Masha here's a special birthday song !" "Happiness..." "What is happiness?" "Happiness is Cola!" "I can't before going on air." "Drink it!" "Thanks, it won't help." " l understand, it's terrible." " What?" "That storm in the Orlov region, that anti- commercials act, locusts over the U rals..." "Viewers they suck, and make-up artists and stockings which run a ladder all the time." "But why cry so hard?" "I want to tell you..." "This is important..." "It's me, Timofei." "I want to tell you..." "This is important." " l love you." " l love you." "Come to my place tonight." "I need you." "Come to my place tonight." "I need you." " l want you, okay?" " l want you, okay?" " Will you come back?" " Will you come back?" " Forgive me. I love you." " Forgive me. I love you." "Ánd him?" "H im?" "H im as well." " lt's all smudged." " Wait, don't hang up." " This is silly." " Do you love me?" "Yes." "We're coming to you with the evening news." "I am Vera Kirillova." "'Sex on the Beach', please." " 'Sex on the Beach'." " Not with you, dear." "No, it's a cocktail with a..." "Blue Curacao." "I believe you." "But we don't have anyone like that here." "Well, can you make an Orgasm?" "Well, what's your problem?" " l can't tell you." " Why?" "Because no one will understand me." "Why?" "I'm in love with this guy." "But he... helovesmen ." "Ánd I love women." "I think he has sex with men." "So what." "Ánd I have sex with women." " But why?" " J ust because." "I'm my own Moon, my own sea..." "Ánd I'm my own road to where there'll always be..." "U lumji, but you know how much I love you." " Hello." " Hello." " H i." " You're not at work?" " Not my shift." " Thanks." " That's not for you." "Timofei." " Ivan Badmaevich." " Pardon me?" " Ivan Badmaevich." " This is my uncle Vanya." " l n what sense?" " My uncle." "My father's brother." "" "How do you like the cigars?" " H i !" " H i." "Come on in." "Please meet U ncle Vanya." " Who is that?" " H is uncle." " What is he doing here?" " Came to visit his nephew." "The uncle is going to live here too?" "No, don't go away." "I don't know what to do with them." "When I was a man, I could not allow myself to dress like that." "You know, U lumji, I suffered so much, consulted countless doctors." "Ánd they all tried to dissuade me." "But I regret nothing." "I really recommend you do it." "Of course, it's not cheap." "But it's worth it." "You will find the money for the operation, I hope?" "He needs the support from all of us at this time." "When I look at these smooth arms of mine, without a single hair," "I bless the Lord." "Yes, I bought this gorgeous nail polish." "Try it." "Ánd never regret the loss of that small, unpleasant detail." "The operation is always done under full sedation." "Hello, you're on." "Talk to us." " l can't hear you." " Talk to us." " May I speak?" " Go ahead." "Finally I have reached you." "I'm Vasya from the Moscow Region." "Yesterday was my girlfriend's birthday." "I want you to play a song for her, and I want to say:" "Masha, I love you so much." "Don't be angry, I just could not reach you on the phone." "It just so happens, by chance it seems I've figured out what eternity means" "Can you film my deer in a commercial?" "That's a great idea!" "This is a present for your deer..." " l've put on your gown, okay?" " Do I have an option?" " Good morning." " H i." "It's delicious!" "Buddhism teaches us the pleasure of simple things." "Like salted tea with butter." "U lumji's grandma taught him to cast away evil spirits by stirring tea exactly 22 times." "Little U lumji spent every summer with his grandma." "He and his friend would herd sheep." "Once they made a fire by a lake and suddenly wanted never to be apart." "Perhaps, we've all lived through this kind of summer when walking on earth felt like flying." "U lumji never forgot that summer." " What's going on?" " lt's my parents. I'm not here." "If you don't open up, I'll turn you all in to the cops!" "I can see you guys!" " What do we do now?" " Don't open the door!" "U lumji, we've come for you." "I've the right to live however and with whomever I want." "I'm going to call the police!" "I'll call the fire brigade and the rescue squad !" " lt's better to open." " Why, I'm an adult." " Gotta brothel happening here." " You better talk with them." " No, don't do it!" " They're your family." "I will talk to them myself..." " l'm gonna get you later!" " She has nothing to do with it!" " She's that anchorwoman !" " No!" "That is a man !" "Call me!" "Good bye." "Enough, enough !" "U lumji, we came after you." "Don't talk to your father like that!" "Come on." "H urry." "Ánd this is for me." "You should get an iron door sometime soon." " l liked his mother." " Ánd his uncle?" "Not much." "Át what age did you start your sexual life?" "Don't remember." " Your first sexual partner?" " Don't remember." "He is absolutely normal." "You never get anything good for free!" "Maybe they're telling the truth?" "Should've greased her palm." "I n the old days there were real healers." "Not anymore." "You are wrong." "I know a doctor. I took my boss to him once." " Where did you bring me?" " Do you know who comes here?" " Who?" " Á certain you know who." " Wait!" " Where you going?" "Your uncle really decided that you wanted to become a woman?" "Do you know what the famous Greek philosophers thought about it?" "Ánd your friends don't know what they want." "They should read this book as well." "Help me." "What would you like to change about yourself?" " What would you advise?" " Enlarged bust, hair-styled intimate area, eliminates life problems." " M imic corrections?" " Ánd what is that?" "We give you a shot, your facial muscles become atrophied." "You won't be able to smile, wrinkles smooth away." "What else do you have?" "I can recommend bio-stimulation of the abdomen and hip muscles." "Very well." " How's that?" "You like it?" " lt's okay." " Getting used to it?" " Yes." "Now I will be increasing the voltage." "Our ratings are falling !" "Something should be changed." "The hair color should be changed." "Ánd something must be done about the breasts." " Enlarge them !" " Emphasize them !" " Reveal them !" " Not sure!" "More purple colors." "Our viewers are housewives, we need to be neutral." "Maybe we simply need an anchorman?" "Maybe we should show more sex?" "Maybe we should dress her in Cacharel?" "Something like that." "You will get used to it." "H i, darling !" "What are your plans?" "None. I'm at work." "Will be here till late." " l'm also at work." " Don't wait for me." "Go to bed." "Okay, I've a lot of work too." "Bye." "Why are you spying on me?" "I guess I should do something, perhaps..." "Or I'll lose my grip on this ground." "Áfraid to vanish under my anchorwoman image." "I learn from you how to betray all for sake of self." "That's more important in this world which every moment robs us of ourselves." "I'm at a loss here." "is this your friends' house?" "No, I don't know who owns it." "It's supposed to be fun." " l wish to fall in love." " Girls, come on." "With no dirty stuff..." " Whose house is this?" " My boyfriend's." "He's 45, and I'm like a son to him." "Oh, the senators have arrived." " l n what sense?" " l n the straight sense." "Do you know this guy for long?" "For quite a while." " Ánd he suits you as a guy?" " Well, yes. ." "See, it's a huge problem now." "I was at this beach a while ago, swimming." "Ánd then I feel someone's pulled my suit off." "Ánd then I saw three naked chicks." "Ánd I go: 'Yo, ladies, gimme my suit back!" "'" "Oh shit, Serafima is here." "Áha, smoking?" " Can't we smoke?" " You can't." " Who is he?" " The damned F B I agent." "Lelyik, you, hooker, shame on you." "It would be good to leave soon." "I like it here." "Can I call a cab?" "What's the address here?" "5 Lesnaya street." " Let's have a drink." " l won't drink vodka." "" "But I will." "Áre you okay?" " Yep." " Then let's go to the bathroom." " Why are you sitting here?" " l'm waiting." "For whom?" "Shut the door!" "Shit, someone is in there." "Who's in the bathroom?" "Get out!" "Oh yes, oh yes, darling." "I had his mobile number." "Come on, baby." "Your phone is distracting us!" "Come, the cab is waiting." "Timofei !" "Help him to cum." "U lumji, where are you?" "Please meet my boyfriend John." "Where is the deer?" "It knows better than wait for you." "The deer has a life of his own !" "Á miracle." "What is a miracle?" "Á miracle is Cola!" "Wait!" "H i !" "You I love!" "He has gone!" "He has disappeared !" " l wish he were born a girl." " Be quiet, Galya." "Better go to the cellar, get some pickles." "I'll go and light the place for her." "I talked to the doctor." "It's worse than we thought." " He's got a taste for guys." " How's that?" "" "Now you may forget about grandkiddies." "Á guy won't bear children from a guy." "We've wasted all that money?" "We should take this business into our hands." "Teach the rascal a lesson." "Shaming our family, our people, shaming his own uncle." "If my boss finds out, I'll get fired and I'll never get into real politics." "I could have been a personal driver for you know who." " What's wrong with you?" " Don't feel good." "For his successful campaign, Áirfreedom gave Timofei a video camera and 2 tickets to any place on the globe." "I feel as if everyone around knows about us." " You said you didn't care." " Trying to get used to it." "Timofei offered to buy a third ticket for me, but I chose to concentrate on my work." "I must go. I'm doing the night-time edition." " But maybe..." " Wait..." "By taking U lumji's amulet I was not only taking the joy of his past but also a part of his future..." "Hello." "Something happened?" "Your father has died." "I won't go there." "You must be there!" "You will regret it all your life." " Then my trip is history." " M ine, too. I'm coming with you." " Leave immediately!" " He is my friend !" "Leave immediately!" "This grief is our common grief." "I want, and I can help you." "What have you done, you scoundrels!" "Maybe I can help you somehow..." "Leave!" "Or I'll fire!" "Ánd you get into the house, now!" "Go." "Go." "It's you who's killed your father." "We spent all the money on you." "Haven't left anything for our own funerals." "Don't, Mama." "I'll give it all back!" "It's too late!" "I wanted you to become a real man !" "Ánd what have you become?" "You'll remain here till all this nonsense is out of you." "So, you are gay?" "Yes, gay." " Ánd that's all?" " Yes, that's all." "You'll go to the Ármy." "They've brought the conscription notice." "We'll fly away all the same!" "I'll write you." "I'll write you a letter." "We're coming to you with the news. I'm Vera Kirillova." "Excuse me." "Hello?" "Timofei didn't remember how he got back home." "He lay almost delirious when John called." "He said he understands Timofei and that I should tell him that love which we'll discover on Earth is only an advertisement of the one in heaven." "I'll tell him." "Goodbye." "You know Pushkin once wrote:" "' l loved you so, and still I want to say:" "'My love for you still hasn't died away." "' But let it not mar your unblemished soul:" "' l'll suffer not this sadness to befall... '" "Thanks." "What's wrong with you?" "I see how happy you are and my heart is breaking about my nephew." "I dreamt that he would become a real man like you, and maybe a senator..." "But he -- what a shame -- is a fag." "Á fag you say?" "Great!" "We'll make him a senator!" "Let's drink to that." "Soon after Timofei received a letter from U lumji." "U lumji wrote that he is free and happy." "I n the army, just like in life you must see the good in the bad." "Át the end of the letter it said in capital letters:" "YO U l LO VE" "2 YEÁRS LÁT E R" "Why are you crying?" "That's enough." "Stop it." "How about some music?" "M usic!" "Quiet, little one, don't cry." "Come on, mommy's here, sweetie." "Quiet..." "He smiled !"