"All right, so who needs eggs, anyway?" "Mike, it's breakfast." "Mom and Dad need all the protein they can get." "You're just making me nervous." "I'll try again." "Hey, why not?" "The 12th time's a charm." "Even garbage disposals have limits, Carol." "I got no more room on the tray, anyway." "Yeah, Mom and Dad are gonna scarf this stuff up." " All right, we got oaties?" " Check." " Peanut butter toast?" " Check." " Space bars?" " Check." " Champagne?" " Check." "Stomach pump?" "Oh, sure, sure." "Go ahead and criticize, Carol." "But where were you when Ben and I were planning this breakfast?" " Putting on my face." " You missed." "Okay." "We're gonna open the door and tiptoe in without making a sound." "No." "We'll scream and surprise them." "That could do serious harm to people their age." "So?" "You tiptoe, and I'll scream." " Ben." " I like to scream." "How lucky for you." "Hey, come on, quiet down." "You're gonna wake them up." "Do I have to do all the thinking?" "Just wait till I grow bigger." "You're not going to grow bigger, Ben." "Mom and Dad were crying about it the other night." "All right." "You guys ready?" "Happy anniversary!" " Mom?" " Dad?" " This is very strange." " It's 7:00 in the morning." "Saturday morning." "Where could they be?" "Well, maybe they finally had enough of us and moved." "You know, this is exactly like that Twilight Zone I saw." "There was these parents who everybody thought was just a little strange." "And then, one dark night... their kids followed them into this creepy forest... where they saw them get into this weird-Iooking flying saucer." "And that's when they found out that their parents were these aliens... from outer space." "Hi, guys." "Happy anniversary?" "You guys ready this time?" "Just a second, Mike." " Jason?" " Come on, these trays are heavy." "Jason, come on." "Okay." "Ready!" "Happy anniversary." "What a surprise!" "Yeah, wait till you see the kitchen." "There's garbage..." "Now for the rest of the surprise." "We wanted to give you something that reflects our love for you... and the deep bond that holds this family together." " So..." " We're leaving town." "Just for the day, so you can spend it alone without any of us in your hair." "Now, don't give us any arguments." "Oh, please don't go." "Oh, that's so sweet." "It really is, but your mom and I have a very busy day ahead." "We really planned on celebrating tonight." "Grandma's here." "She is?" "Yeah, Grandma's taking us to Manhattan for the matinee of La Cage Aux Folles." "Yeah, if there's one show you gotta see this season, this is the one." "Hi, Mom!" " Oh, guys, what a lovely surprise." " It's the best." "But I've got a patient to see, your mom has that story to research." "We probably won't even have any time to spend alone." "So there's really no reason for you to endanger your lives in Grandma's car." "You guys can use the gift or not." "That's up to you." "But I'm not going to miss my chance to see 24 of the hottest looking babes... in the Big Apple." "I'm with Mike." "I have no idea why." "Mike, about these "hot babes" in the Cage Aux Folles..." "Dad..." "I already told Mike everything he needs to know about the show." "Everything." "Got it?" "Well, Mike, I hope someone has told you..." "Mike, don't forget your binoculars." "Is this a great sis, or what?" "Carol, you do know that these hot babes are really guys?" "Yeah, I do, but..." "You know, Jason, we could actually spend the day together." "Yeah." "Too bad I've got a mountain of paperwork to do today." "I know, and I have a hair appointment... and several hours of research on the story I'm doing, but..." "I could put those off till tomorrow." "But Saturday is my day to update the files." "And I do have that patient to see." "Oh, you're right." "I guess I just got distracted by the thought of... a long, lazy relaxing day together, with no interruptions." "Besides... what would we do all day?" "Oh, I don't know." "We could always grout the bathtub." "Well, I'll cancel my appointments if you cancel yours." "The plumbing." "The plumber's supposed to come by today to fix the garbage disposal." "You had me worried there." "Honey, we have to go." "That lunch reservation is for noon." "Honey, what are you doing?" "The cleaning woman's coming." "I can't let her see this mess." "Sooner or later, she's bound to find out we're slobs, Maggie." "Come on." "For now, we have a reservation for lunch." "Rockaway Beach." "Watching the waves caress the shore... sipping champagne from silver goblets, and toasting the woman..." "I was lucky enough to find... smart enough to marry, and handsome enough to keep." "Oh, Jason, you can be such a romantic sometimes." "Hold that thought." "Hi." "I'm Buzz, the plumber." "You got a bum garbage disposal?" "Gee, we cancelled that appointment." "Didn't they call you in the truck?" "They won't let me have a radio in my truck." "Well, it's just that we have an appointment that we have to keep." "I could come back later." "Thanks." " Wait." " Wait." "How long would it take you to fix it?" "Oh, half hour, 45 minutes." "Okay." "Come in, please." "I'll call and move the reservation." "Buzz, how much do you charge?" "$50 an hour." "Hi." "Oh, hello, Fred." "Yeah." "Sure, just a second." "Maggie, it's your editor." "Hello?" "Oh, hi, Fred." "Really?" "Oh, that's great." "Today?" "Oh, but I..." "Well, sure I can." "You bet." "You bet." "I'll be there." "Yes." "Thank you." "Bye." "Let me call the restaurant." " Jason..." " Can I have the phone?" " That was Fred at the paper." " I know." "I'll bet that nut called to wish us a happy anniversary." "Jason, you're just trying to make me feel guilty because you know I have bad news." "Sure." "What's the fun of being a psychiatrist if you can't play mind games on your wife?" "Seriously, honey." "I've been trying to nail down this interview for weeks... and it finally came through." "But it's got to be today." " Okay." " In Washington." "Washington?" "Who with?" "You know the Secretary of Transportation?" "Yeah." "I'm meeting with the third assistant to the deputy... of the undersecretary who reports to her." "Wow." "Oh, honestly, honey, this is the only shot I'm going to get at this." " And if I don't do it now, I've lost it." " Well..." "It's a 45-minute commuter flight to Washington." "I can go do the interview... and be back in time to have dinner with you." "My treat." "But if you're disappointed..." "I'll stay home, I'll have lunch, I'll be happy..." " I'll be content, totally fulfilled..." " Look, if you got to go..." "Oh, thanks." "I knew my dad was wrong about you." "Just so, at some point today, you and I finally get a chance... to grout the tub." "Count on it." "I forgot my toolbox." " Bye, Grandma." "See you soon." " Thanks a lot." "Thanks, Grandma." "I thought the gowns were beautiful." "I think everyone connected with that show should be shot." "Even the redhead you whistled at?" "That would be Maurice." "Okay, Carol, it was a fine joke." "A good joke." "Possibly even a funny joke." "But who really paid the price here?" "Was it me?" "No." "It was little, confused Ben." "Hey, you guys, Maurice was a tight end at Iowa State." "Mom, Dad?" "We're back." "You just can't wait to tell them, huh, Carol?" " Mom?" "Dad?" " Guys." " Did you and Mom have a romantic day?" " Well, not exactly." "Can you keep it down 'cause I'm just finishing up with a patient in here." " Sure." " Hey, where's Mom?" "Washington." "Washington?" "This is not a good sign." "Hey, I bet when Mom and Dad got alone, Dad started telling his jokes... and Mom hopped the first plane to anywhere." "Mike, there's a body on the kitchen floor." "Man or woman?" "I can't tell anymore." "Somebody should go check him out." "Ben." "Look out." "My chicken sauce." " Dad, did you see..." " Oh, good." " It didn't stick." " Dad, you notice there's a..." " So, how was Cage Aux Folles?" " Great." "Is Maurice still with the show?" " Maurice." " Shut up, both of you." " Buzz, how's it going?" " Almost finished." "Only five and a half hours at $50 an hour." "Dad, is Mom ever coming back?" "She'll be back in plenty of time for our candlelit dinner for two." "You guys will spend the night at Grandma's, okay?" "Oh, come on, Dad." "How many times do we have to risk our lives in a single day?" "Hello?" "Oh, sweetheart." "I am so, so sorry." "I'm still in Washington." "Everything got screwed up on this end... and the interview got put off until tomorrow... so the paper is putting me up at the Hotel Royale tonight." "I'll interview him first thing in the morning." "Then I'll get home as fast as I can to celebrate our anniversary... because, I swear, honey, if I'd known this was gonna happen..." "I never would have come." "Who is this?" "Jason." "All done." "Wonderful." "So..." "I guess you'll be sending me a bill on that." "Posthaste." "How much will it come to?" "Well, I have to add the labor..." " and the parts..." " Ballpark?" "$347.75." "Just out of curiosity... how much would a new garbage disposal cost me?" "$125." "Perfect." "Would you like me to install one?" "No, no." "No, thank you." "Bye." "Happy anniversary." "Hey, Dad, you gonna eat anymore of this junk on your plate?" " Nah, I'm not hungry." " Michael... it's fowl." "Tell me about it." "Dad?" "Sorry, I wasn't listening." "Looked like you were." "I guess you psychiatrists... get pretty used to faking it after all those years of listening to wackos." "Michael, "wacko" is a term psychiatrists reserve... for members of their immediate family." " I'm just kidding." " Well, don't." "What you've just witnessed is a classic display of displaced anger... in which I allowed my frustrations to be vented... on the first available person to upset me." "This transference lets me lessen my stress... and allows me to feel really stupid." "You can't get on that plane and leave." " It's me you love." "You know it is." " No, no, Curly." "It's Larry." " It's always been Larry." " But all those things you said." "I was mistaken." "I'm sorry, Curly." "But my place is with Larry." "I can't stay here and be your stooge." "I'll do whatever I have to do to stop you." "I'm not letting you get on that plane." "You shouldn't have gotten on the plane." "Yes, this is Mrs. Seaver in 722." "Is there anyone in the hotel that can help me with plane reservations?" "I wish there was something we could do to cheer Dad up." "You could leave home." " I got an idea." " Mike, Dad's been deeply disappointed... by the woman he loves." "I'm sure you can understand that after Maurice." " It's a really good idea." " He's used to disappointment, Carol." "After all, his second-oldest child is you." "You're really Mr. Sensitivity, you know?" "It's not the dinner." "It's just that... they need at least a moment in that special day when... they can be together and look into each other's eyes... and think about the years they've shared." "The good times, the bad times." "You mean they want to "Do Wah Diddy"?" "Hey, who lost $20?" " What?" " Where?" "Now that I have your attention... why doesn't Dad fly to Washington and be with Mom tonight?" "I hate it when he does that." "I'll pack him a bag." "I'll order the plane tickets." "And I'll get no credit, as usual." "And Mr. Walla is showing great improvement... in controlling his feelings of inadequacy." "The sessions are proving especially useful... in decreasing his anniversary." "Ignore "anniversary." Freudian slip." " In decreasing his anxiety." " Dad?" "I'm working." "Ignore "I'm working." Teenage son." "Dad?" "I'm turning the recorder off now, so as not to have it used against me... in a court of law." "Mike, this better be important." "Dad, on behalf of all of us, get out." "What's going on?" "Come on, this is your son you're talking to here." "Now, I'm sensitive enough to know that this anniversary thing... has you feeling like garbage." "Why don't you just shoot him?" "Well, before anyone shoots me or shoves me down the garbage disposal... which probably doesn't work anyway... would you please explain to me where we're going?" "And why is Ben driving?" "Well..." "I decided you should fly to Washington tonight and surprise Mom." "You decided?" "Well, that's a great idea, but I..." "Dad, your bag's packed, your ticket's ordered, and Grandma's on her way over." "Oh, hey, look, that's wonderful, but I can't... stay here another second." " Bye, Dad." "Bye-bye." " See you later." ""I solved your problem?" "I decided you should fly to Washington?"" "Who cares whose idea it was?" "Grow up." "Yeah." "Stop thinking of yourself." "Here comes Grandma." "It's not Grandma." "It's not going fast enough." "It's staying on the right side of the road." " Holy..." " Oh, no." "I don't believe it." " Hi, guys." " Hi, Mom." " Oh, is your dad in the living room?" " No." "Good." "I want to surprise him." "And I think you will, too." " Is he in the kitchen?" " No." " In the bedroom?" " No." " Well, where is he?" " Washington." "What?" "I don't get it either." "All I know is, it was Ben's idea." "Attention." "Final boarding, flight 256 for Washington National." "Gate 27." "Maybe that aisle seat isn't taken if you wanted to slide over... then we'd both have more room to..." "No." "This is Row L, Seat 2." "This is my seat." "All flights, any flight." "My seat." "Okay." "Excuse me." " Do you mind if..." " No." "This is Row L, Seat 2." "This is my seat." "All flights, any flight." "My seat." "Okay." " Jason?" " No." "Luther." "I'm talking to him." "Honey?" " Maggie." "What are you doing here?" " I missed you." " I missed you, too." " That's sweet." "What about that big interview that couldn't wait?" "Well, I asked myself what Ted Koppel would do... if he were married to a wonderful man like you." "Well, first of all, I wouldn't let him work that late every night." "I figured I could fly back tomorrow to do the interview... after I spend the evening with my main squeeze." "What a coincidence." " You're on your way to see someone, too?" " Someone very special." "Oh, Jason." "Did you think of this all by yourself?" "Well, I got some help from the other men in your life..." "Mike and Ben." "And, not to mention Carol." "Oh, look what I got for you." "Look, these." " Roses." " Yes." "Oh, honey, they're beautiful." " Oh, and I have something for you, too." " Yeah?" "Sir?" "Thank you." " Excuse me." "I can't see." " Oh, sorry." "Oh, honey, my dad was right about you." "You know, when two people spend 17 years together..." "Can I help you with that?" "Sure." "I think 17 years deserves a moment alone together... just the two of us." "The three of us." "So that we can stare into each other's eyes and say:" ""If I had it to do over..."" "Oh, honey, I'd do it all over again." "I love you." "Oh, I love you, too." "And I love both of you." " To love." " To love." " I had a great time." " I had a wonderful time." "Wait." "I just want it to last a moment longer." "Well, then, let's not come back and say we did." "Tempting, but no." "We have to get back to those three beautiful children... who miss us and need us." "You little weasel!" "Oh, hi." " You're a dead man, Ben!" "Hi." " Hi." "Ooh, la, la." "The Love Boat's in." "Hey, I'll see you later, guys." "Maggie, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" " What are you thinking?" " I'm thinking about Yogi Berra." " What a coincidence." " Well, it was Yogi who coined the phrase:" ""It ain't over till it's over."" "English"