"Once upon a time, in an English castle far, far away, there lived a pampered personage by the name of Prince." " All right, everyone, he's awake." " Hurry." "Quickly." "Get the Carlyle log." "Prince knew no other life than a life of luxury." "Did I mention that Prince was a cat?" "Good morning, Prince." "Your tea." "Brekkie." "I have your favorite dish." "Carlyle log." "Lovely." "Super." "It's good to be the king." "On the other side of the world, there lived an equally pampered cat who thought he was the king, but who ruled over a somewhat smaller domain." "Meow." "I'm the king of the cul-de-sac." "That's what I'm talking about." "Jon and I have everything I could ever want." "Food in the fridge." "Cable and satellite." "And don't forget lasagna." "That's right." "It's good to be king." "I want you to know you're the most important thing in my life." "Let me sleep, please." "Before I met you, my life had no meaning." "I was incomplete." "You still are, really." "I guess what I'm trying to say is..." "will you marry me?" "Marriage." "Well, this is kind of sudden." "There may be some legal issues here." "Look, I like you, but not as a spouse." "Maybe as a servant we could stay together, make it work." "So what do you say, Liz?" "Wait a second." "Liz?" "Garfield." "Liz is a girl." "No, worse - she's a girl vet." " Turkey's ready." "I think Jon has touched bottom now." "We gotta put an end to this torture." "Time for a new DJ." "Cat scratch fever!" "Oh, cat scratch fever!" "Somebody take my temperature." "Garfield." " Man, you have changed." "1 can't have you messing this up for me." "I get it." "It's her." "She doesn't like our music." "Whatever happened to Jon, my metalhead guy, my dude?" "You were so much cooler when you wore a mullet." "Now stay here." "Far cooler." "I suppose she likes this haircut?" " Coming." " Tell me she likes it the way it is now." " Hey, Liz." " Jon, I have incredible news" "Guess who's speaking at the fundraiser for the Royal Animal Conservancy." " Siegfried and Roy?" " Come on." " Just Siegfried?" " Jane Goodall dropped out 'cause she's nursing a sick chimp, and they asked me." "It's gonna be at this really cool castle on a huge estate." "I am flying to London tomorrow morning." "Can you believe this?" "I have to pack." "Are these rose petals and candles?" "Yeah, well, I have..." "I've some..." "Some important news of my own." "Me too." "Excuse me." "Do you believe in love at first sight?" "I was hoping you'd say yes." "You have made me so very cat happy." " Come on." "What's the news?" " The news is, I..." "I finally house-trained Odie." " Really?" "Yeah." "That would explain the rose petals." "I have to pack." "I'm so sorry about dinner, but I will send your regards to the Queen." " Congratulations on Odie." " Yeah." "And you too." "They're lucky to have you." "Bye." "1 thought she'd never leave." "Garfield." "You ate the whole turkey?" " Well, yeah." " What are you doing with this?" "Never mind." "It's too late." "She's already off to..." "Good stuffing." "Come on." "Cheer up." "I saved you the wishbone." " There's nothing I can do." " Return the ring." "Get your money back." " Wait a minute." "I'll go to London." " You poor sap." " She'll love it." "She'll be surprised." " Tell me you won't." " She'll say yes." " Please don't." "1 gotta go pack." " You moron." "This is a huge mistake, Jon." "One of your biggest." "Don't roam." "Stay home." "Odie and I are not just coming along for the ride, pal." "This is actually an intervention." "Okay, guys." "Here we are." "Quick flight." "We must have been in the jet stream." "England is no great shakes." "The buildings here look like the kennel back home." "That is the kennel back home." "They'll never take me alive." " They're gonna be fine, Jon." "Yeah." "Garfield's never stayed in a kennel before." "I'm afraid he might have some separation anxiety." "No." "He's probably fast asleep in his cage by now." "You hear me, Warden?" "I have the right to remain silent." "Anything I say can and will be held against me in a court of law." "And I have the right to an attorney too, pal." "And if I can't afford one, one must be provided for me by the court." "Never mind." "I just broke out." "He likes a belly rub twice a day." "If you could give him lasagna between each meal, that would be great." "Almost forgot Pookie." "He can't be without Pookie." "Great." "Just when things were looking up." "Why don't you stay and get your fleas removed?" "Maybe get a brain transplant." "Go away." "Beat it." "Hide beneath the wheels." "You're ripping my fur." "Get off." "Get in here." "Get in." "You have my cell phone and hotel number?" "Bye, now." " Okay." "Airport, and step on it" "Jon won't mind if I repack him." "We're gonna need some room in this bag." "You savage beast." "How dare you." "Get out of here." "Smithee." "There's something in the pool, Smithee." "There's a duck in my pool, Smithee." "A duck." "A duck, sir?" "Filthy wild animal soaking itself in my pool." " What do you intend doing about this?" "1 shall speak to the duck, sir." "By the way, the solicitors are here to read Lady Eleanor's will." "Excellent." "In a few moments, I'll be the master of this entire estate." "And from this day on, things will be done my way." "This is the last will and testament of Lady Eleanor Carlyle of Carlyle Castle." ""I declare this to be my last will and testament" ""which I make this first day of September..."" "Keep still." "They're reading Lady Eleanor's will." "I've got a bad feeling about this." "If Lord Dargis gets the estate, we're done for." "Quiet." ""To my devoted Smithee:" "I make thee caretaker of my estate." ""Care for my beloved animal friends as you have in the past" ""and you'll always have a home at Carlyle Castle."" "Thank you, madam." "She's dead, Smithee." "You can stop sucking up." ""The rest of my worldly possessions, my castle and grounds," ""I leave to the love of my life;" ""somebody who was like a son to me..."" " Thank you, Aunt Eleanor." "Thank you." " Please let me finish, Mr. Dargis." "I'm sorry." "I got a little ahead of myself." ""..." "like a son to me, I leave all my possessions" ""to my beloved kitty, Prince the 12th."" " Incredible." "Entirely without precedent." " This is what it says." "But I'm her nephew, her only heir." "She can't have left it all to her cat." "1, Prince, the new lord of the castle?" " Hurrah." "Good show, Lady Eleanor." "Bless her heart." "Can it be?" "We are delivered." " Thank you, Winston." "The will clearly states that you may stay on at Carlyle Castle and receive your usual stipend of 50 pounds a week." "50 pounds?" "Upon Prince's passing, after what we assume will be a long and happy life, you will receive the castle, the land and your title." "But that fat ball of fur could last for another 15 years." "Let us hope so." "The castle was built over 600 years ago by Lord Franklin Carlyle." "Now, the initial structure is late medieval in style..." "On this wing, we'll put the pool and spa." "Yes, and where would the squash courts be?" " There he is." " That's unbelievable." "Hello." "Snap your photos." "Unfortunately, I can but spare a few moments..." "Buddy, do you mind stepping aside?" "I can't get a good shot of the cat." "Greetings, all." "Hello." "So glad." "May I remind you this is private property." "Relax, bro." "It's not like you own the place." "We shall see." "To all the royal subjects, I give you the new possessor of Carlyle Castle," "Prince XII." "To one and all, I pledge, from this day forward, to rule my kingdom with wisdom and valor." "And as long as I reign, you shall continue to have safe haven here on the bountiful grounds of Carlyle." "Thank you." "That is all." "Hurrah." "Long live Prince." "I think that went frightfully well, don't you, Winny?" "Sire, I hasten to remind you that Lord Dargis has every reason to get rid of you." "Winny, pooh-pooh." "I'm his favorite kitty cat." "Hello, little Prince." "What a beautiful day for a picnic, what?" "No, thanks, old boy." "You just run along and enjoy yourself." "What the devil...?" "So it's hide-and-seek you want to play?" "All right, I'll count to 100." " Hello, Rommel." " One, two, three, four, five 35, 36, 37, 38 96, 97, 98, 99, 100." "All right." "Fair warning." "Ready or not, here I come." "Bon voyage, Prince." "Dear me." "I may have misjudged the old boy." "Perhaps he is somewhat of a scoundrel." "After all, this is not the way one plays hide-and-seek." "Blimey." " Will that be all, sir?" " Yes." "Thank you." " Thank you." " Thank you, sir." "Wait." " How do I look?" " Lovely, sir." "No, see, I'm proposing to my girlfriend." "She's staying down the hall." "I want to make sure I look..." "Let's see, now." "It needs a certain..." "May I, sir?" "There we are." "Hugh Grant." "Great." "Could you deliver this to the girl in room 407?" " Of course, sir." "And..." "And this." "Cary Grant, sir." " Jon." " Hey." " Why are you here?" " It's Fashion Week." "Where else would I be?" "This is incredible." "I can't believe you're here." "So you're glad?" "Glad?" "I'm thrilled." "But London?" "Did you come all the way here just for me?" "Yeah, it's nuts." "In fact, I want us to be together..." "Odie." "Come here." "Air." "Water." "Lasagna." " Garfield?" " That's the hello I get?" "13 hours in a bag with a farting dog." "There are quarantine laws here." "Don't let Odie out of your sight." "They might deport him." "Deport Odie?" "I like this country already." "Okay." "I'm gonna need a litter box, room-service menu and the TV remote - and in that order." "If anyone needs me, I'll be in my office." "Where are my clothes?" "Cool." "My very own cat tub." "Golly." "Got it." "Could have just come down and told me that." "Listen up." "Barnyard newsflash." "I've got some good news and some bad news." " Which would you like first?" " The bad news." "Lord Dargis just threw Prince in the river." " Okay, give me the good news." " He was in a lovely picnic basket." "If he throws us in the river, we'll never survive." "You're ducks." "You can swim." " Winston, I'm next in line for the throne." " This could get ugly." "1 have a list of new rules of governance." "1 hardly think that's necessary." "Rule number one." "The barnyard animals congregate entirely too close to the castle." "We house pets need our space." "You've got enough space, laddie - right between your ears." "Take that back." "I command you, as your new king." "There's still a chance Prince may find his way back here." "In the meantime, Claudius, you get into the castle and find out what Dargis is up to." "I'm on it." "I'm your mouse on the inside." "I'll see what I can learn from my end." "1 want to do something more cultural." " Okay." "You're cold." "Getting colder." "You're an icicle." "You're frozen stiff." "Let's remind ourselves what we're looking for." "It's a hamburger." "A squeaky hamburger." " We'll take a walk through Hyde Park." " Excuse me?" "We walk?" "Then we stroll down the incredibly cultural Piccadilly." " Stroll?" " And then Carnaby Street." "Aren't we 40 years too late for Carnaby Street?" "No, luv, that's where all the swinging birds are." "Well, then, we are definitely going to the British Museum." "Any cuter, I'm gonna need a barf bag." "What are you doing?" "I'm security, protecting you from yourself." "You have caused enough trouble today." "Now, you have food, water and company." " Which one is he?" " Be good." "Jon, you're delirious." "Be careful." "She's a man-eater." "Oh, no." "He's under her spell." "Okay, Odie, I'll give you one small clue." "It's not in there." "Prince?" "Where is that cat?" "Prince." "Prince." "Prince." "Prince." "Prince." "Pull." "Sir, have you by any chance seen Prince?" "I can't seem to find him anywhere." "Oh, dear." "You mean our little orange bundle of fun is missing?" "Pull." "Crikey." "The man's got a cannon." " And he's pointing it at us." " We're sitting ducks." "Careful, sir." "You wouldn't want to injure the creatures, would you?" "Run away." "Course not." "That would make me some kind of monster, wouldn't it?" "By the way, I've a little errand for you." "Could you go to London, pick up my new suits at Willoughby's?" "Very good, sir." "Pull." "Can you imagine taking a nap on that table?" "Just lie there for hours and shed." "The Queen's corgis, Millyand Tillie, returned from their world cruise with the Queen aboard her yacht." "The animals suffered mild seasickness, but now are back to eating the finest calf's liver in the universe." "Must be sweet." ""My tummy's upset." "May I have some liver?" "'" " Boy, I wish Jon was a queen." " Housekeeping." "Okay, blockhead, time to bust out of here and catch up with Jon." "First, let's grab some chow, before I eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." "Sorry, we left a bit of a mess in the bathroom." "Thanks." "Keep your eyes peeled for a goofy-looking guy with a map." "They're not up here." "I'm coming down." "Jon, Jon, Jon." "Where's Waldo?" "Take the picture." "Take it." "Take the picture." "Halt." "Right face." "Excuse me." "Did you see a couple of people who looked like tourists?" "I know this drill." "They won't crack up no matter what you do." "Hey, freeze-frame, your knee's on fire." "I know I can get this guy." "Seriously, your zipper's down." "Hey, dry goods." "Anybody ever tell you you look like Tina Turner?" " That was effective." "Her Majesty, the queen of England." "What's all the hubbub?" "Attention." "Hey, Odie, look." "It's those royal corgis." "Hey, lady." "You got any leftover liver?" "Stuck-up little punk." "I know she heard us." "They had the top down." "Odie?" "Odie, no, don't do the ugly American thing." "The British are coming." "Well, you made him crack, anyway." "Disgusting." "It's so smelly down here." "I must get out." "Hello." "Can someone help a chap?" "I'm in the sewer." "This is hopeless." "We'll never find Jon." "Face it, Odie, nobody cares whether we live or..." "Prince." "I've found you." "Oh, dear." "Why is it the weird ones always go for the cat, not the dog?" "Odie, help, please." " Is that a cologne or a disinfectant, sir?" "1 just got you a special treat." "Minced pie." "Odie, call a cop." "I mean bobby, or jimmy." "Never mind, Odie." "Don't bother." "There's a pie here." "I'll be just fine." "Dear heavens." "That was absolutely the most horrifying." "But I'm alive." "I'm alive." "And covered in filth." "Here, here." "I must return to my throne." "What ho?" "Indeed." "Seeing me in this state must be shocking." "I've lost my bearings." "You must lead me with all due haste to the castle at Carlyle." "But first I require a bath." "Here, come on." "Do you expect me to lick myself?" "Garfield?" "Odie?" "What are you doing here?" "Garfield?" "What the devil is a Garfield?" "What am I gonna do with you guys?" "Do you know how bad I would feel if I lost you here?" "From now on, I'm not letting you out of my sight, OK?" "Dear heaven." "Why is it the weird ones always go for the cat and not the dog?" "Bath time for you, buddy." "Well, that's the best news I've heard all day." "The dog's not very bright." "Where are you taking me?" "Somewhere lovely and special?" "Hey, Mario Andretti." "You're driving on the wrong side of the road, and I've got an entire pie in my stomach." "Don't worry, Prince." "You'll feel better when we get back to Carlyle." "Excuse me." "Yes, hello." "Hobbs here." "Hobbs." "This is Manfred Dargis here." "A terrible thing has happened." "Prince is missing." "We've searched everywhere." " Prince is missing?" " Missing?" " This is a rather sudden development." " Actually, it's quite common." "In the absence or, in this case, the death of an owner, it can be quite confusing and disorienting to a cat." "Let's face it, the brain's the size of a gumball." "All the same, it seems rather fishy to me." "I don't particularly care what it seems to you." "Legally, since he is gone, the title of the Carlyle estate falls to me." "Am I not correct?" "Yes, very well." "Goodbye." "He's up to something." "He's got some plan for the estate." "And I want to find out what." " Miss Abby Westminster, I presume." " Lord Dargis." "An absolute pleasure." "Hello." "I'm so pleased you've shown such an interest in our little enterprise." "Well, my investors are very interested." " Cheers, dear." " To a long-lasting business relationship." "To Carlyle Resort and Spa." "Allow me to introduce you to my dream." " What's this?" " A state-of-the-art spa, meditation garden and, of course, luxury condominium." "But what of the woodland and barnyard areas?" "Allow me." " If you would." " Very clever." "No woodland." "No barnyard area." "Gone." "So what will you do with all the animals?" "Let's just say, those we don't chase off we will serve up to the guests." "I must alert the others at once." "Bus driver, pull it over." "I gotta pie belch coming up that might break your windows." "Come on, Prince." "Yeah." "I used to be known as Prince, but you can just call me Gar... field." "Wow." "Get a load of this dump." "Thanks." "No pet door?" "Holy cow." "I can hear my footsteps." "Mom, Dad, I'm home." " Your Highness." " You talking to me, Froggy?" "It's me, your trusty servant Winston." "Warning:" "I don't fight fair." "I scratch and I bite." "It's all right, sire." "All is well now." " You're home." " Home?" "Retirement home?" "Happy home?" "What is this, an insane asylum?" "Am I being kidnapped?" " Very funny, sire." "Your loyal subjects await you." "They need to be comforted by your words." "Trust me, windbag." "There's no way I'm gonna give a speech to a bunch of strange..." "And then, following your words, a royal feast." "I think I'm just gonna do a tight two minutes, see if that'll calm 'em down." "Oyez." "Prince XII has returned." "Thank you, windbag, for that slobbering introduction." "Hello, everybody." "Listen up." "Is this an audience or a landscape?" "Okay, great to be back here at the palace." "I look out and I see a sea of dumb barnyard animals." "I'm here in your country to break up a romance between the guy who owns the house I live in and a girl who's way out of his league." "I know that whatever it is that you have, there's some sort of affliction that produces this glazed look behind your eyes." "I hope you defeat it." "I wish I could take every one of you home with me." "Thank you." "1 killed." " Very funny, sire." "Well done." "I didn't realize it was amateur hour." " What's up with Prince?" " He's on the catnip again." " Chaps, have I got news for you!" " What's the word, Claudius?" "Dargis is going to bulldoze the barnyard and feed us to the tourists." "Let him try." "He'll have to deal with these fists of fury, won't he?" "Calm yourselves, everybody." "We're all right as long as Prince is alive." "Well, obviously that feline is not Prince, you idiots." "He's not even the cat formerly known as Prince." "He doesn't have to be Prince." "He just has to look like him." "If he fooled me, he'll fool them." "But what's to stop Dargis from getting rid of this cat too?" "McBunny is right." "We must protect this cat at all costs." "Our fates rely on it." "Mr. and Mrs. Jon Arbuckle." "LizArbuckle." "Elizabeth Arbuckle." "Listen, you dolt." "There's been a coup d'etat." "Attempted murder most foul." "I am Prince XII of Carlyle." "You there, with the wise and thoughtful look." "Hello." "Convince this man there's been a mix-up." " Garfield, I want you in my wedding party." " Wedding party?" "Think you can hold a basket of flowers?" " Enough of the grooming, you dunce." "My subjects face mortal jeopardy." "Dog, approach." "We must plan my escape, and I'm relying on your expedience and cunning." "Okey-dokey." "New plan." "Call my pumpkin, windbag." "I'm ready to roll." " Roll?" "Where to?" " You know." "To the hotel." "To Jon." "Your master?" "The one who's leaving you for his new wife?" "He's not leaving me." "It's more of a temporary insanity thing." "Garfield, your master's started a new life." "It's time for you to begin yours." "Come on." "I want to show you something." "Do you have any idea what runs through your veins?" " Yesterday's dinner, I guess" " Royal blood, sire." "You are the long-lost heir to the Carlyle throne." "You kill me." "These are your ancestors dating back 400 years." "Mine?" "Wow." "Like, I'm a royal cat?" "Of course." "And anything you need is only a flick of your tail away." "A flick of my tail?" "So if I said, "Drool on your foot"..." "Not bad." "How about, "Roll over and whistle Dixie"?" " How's that?" " Nice." "All right, tough one." "Jump up and touch the ceiling." " How's that, sire?" " You don't get up there too high, do you?" "I give you your royal bedchamber." "I could do some snoozing here." "Yeah." "Even a king needs a catnap." "Get up." "Get down." "Get up." "This baby is spring-loaded" "Why do you think they call me Highness?" "You all right?" "Sire?" " The royal trapeze?" " That is how you ring, sire." "You pull it when you require something." " And what is that?" " Your playhouse." "I needed a playhouse." "I've got a house inside of a house." "Does this castle make my butt look too big?" "Fits you like a glove." " Blimey." " Pardon." "Well struck, sire." "Good tone." "Smooth finish." "Well, you took that in the best spirit." " Shall we have a look at the kitchen?" " Did I hear you say "the kitchen"?" "Here we are." "I present your cookery." "All mine?" " Every morsel, down to the last crumb." "Okay, all right." "You can just call me "Your Highness."" " Moving on up" " Moving on up" " To a castle" " Moving on up" "With lots of servants all doing my will" " / got me a life" " Moving on up" " Without hassle" " Moving on up" "Sir Garfield is the king of the hill" " sleep on a bed that's real fluffy" " eat from a plate made of gold" "They feed me until I get stuffy" "My pasta never gets cold" "All of my devoted subjects" "They know it's all about me" "Folks are so loyal to this cat who is royal" "They call me Your Majesty" " Moving on up" " Moving on up" " To a castle" " Moving on up" "With lots of servants all doing my will" " / got me a life" " Moving on up" " Without hassle" " Moving on up" "Sir Garfield is the king of the hill" "Yeah, you can just drop that anywhere." "I'll give it to you straight." "It's disappointing." "Your doughnuts are dry and don't have holes, and your coffee's so weak, it looks like tea." "I don't suppose, Miss Westminster, you could find time in your busy life for a wealthy duke?" "Lord Dargis, I'm afraid I'm taken." "As I am myself - by you." "Don't mind me." "I'm just an incorrigible old..." "Cat." " What?" "Nothing, nothing." "Nothing at all." "Gosh, is that the time already?" "Time, I've always said, flies like an arrow." "Don't be afraid to just show up and bring some of those lovely investors." "We'll throw a party." "Cheerio." "Smithee." "Did I see Prince in here?" "Isn't it remarkable?" "I found him wandering the streets of London as I left Willoughby's." "Indeed?" "Extraordinary." "And where is the little fiend... fellow at the moment?" " I'm sure I don't know, sir." " Well, I'll maybe take a little look-see." " Make him welcome." " Yes, sir." "Look at this room, for example." "How would you liven this place up?" "But, sire, this castle is centuries old." "It's a museum." "It's boring." "And you know what's missing when your crib is a museum?" " It's called fun." " Fun?" "It's not that hard." "You gotta get a running start at something this dull." "This is going to end so badly." " It was already cracked." "Nothing escapes you, does it, sire?" "Yeah, I like the way this feels." "You gotta slide, baby." "Don't worry about it." "That one was cracked as well." "I can relax." "Oops." "Smithee." "Get this thing off of me." " Let's go try another room." " Good idea, sire." "I've got the deed and the paperwork in order and contacted the solicitors." " We'll be out there on Monday." " Monday?" "But I need more time." "More time?" "More time for what?" "Nothing." "That'll be fine." "We'll be there Monday unless, by some miracle, Prince returns." "We can only hope, Mr. Hobbs." " What's the news?" " Dargis is sure to make a move on the cat." " The solicitors will be here Monday." " Right." "Good work." "Careful." "That's high-grade American cardboard you're tossing around." "Beautiful, fellas." "Hang the plasma right over the Slip 'N' Slide." " Sire, a word?" " Jowls, my man." "Guess what your enlightened, all-powerful ruler has brought to the castle." "I can't wait to hear this" "Don't tell me." "A Renaissance painting." " Foosball." "You know?" "Foosball." " Foosball?" "What does he think this is?" "A pub?" "Just 'cause we don't have opposable thumbs doesn't mean we don't play bar games." "Yes, sire, but I feel your life is in danger." "Listen, Winnebago - if I may call you that." "When history speaks of me, and she will," "I want to be remembered as the Party Prince." "As you wish." "You chaps know me." "I'm no snob, right?" "But this cat is too much." "He's an embarrassment to our way of life." " He's a disgrace to the furry race." ""My pillow isn't soft enough." "My TV remote won't work."" "Don't get your knickers in a twist." "I know he's a pain in the neck, but we've just got to keep him safe till Monday." "Yeah." "My loyal and fragrant subjects." "Please." "Thank you." "Briefly, I hate Mondays." "I just hate 'em." "Therefore I decree, from this day forward;" "there'll be no more Mondays." " What?" " Got it?" "Today is Tuesday, then." "Happy Tuesday, everybody." "I think he's lost it." "Like I said, we've just got to keep him safe till Tuesday." "Hello, Rommel." "I have a present for you." "Prince's favorite pillow." "Sniffy, sniffy, Rommel." "Sniffy, sniffy." "Bad pillow." "Kill kitty." "Kill kitty." "What a clever boy." "Eat the cat." "Yum, yum, yum." "I think you're ready." " Here comes trouble." " Eat the pussycat." "Good chap." " Operation Feline Protection underway." " I'm on it." "Oops." "Bon appetit." "Here, kitty, kitty." "Come to Rommel." "Where are you, my little furry friend?" " Hello, Rommel." " Eat kitty." "No, no kitty, Rommel, but we have something better to chew on." " No kitty?" " That's right, no kitty." "Bring Lord Dargis's new trousers, please." "Pig, the trousers" " Trousers." "Thank you, Sam." "And now, Rommel, how about a nice tug of war?" "Lord Dargis better watch out next time Rommel's on the loose." "Hello, Smithee." "You're in good spirits today, sir." "Yes." "For some reason I feel a great burden has been lifted." "A burden, sir?" "What do you make of my new suit, Smithee?" "Very smart, sir." "Smithee, I've invited Miss Westminster for tea on Monday and it's extremely important she feel welcome." "Bring up a bottle of the very best champagne and set out the Prince Royal china." "Silver service." "You know the type of thing." "Very good, sir." "Trousers." "Yes, I'd like to speak to Miss Westminster, please." "Hello, Rommel." "Did we enjoy our little snack, then?" " Trousers?" " Miss Westminster." " Trousers!" " Would you like to pop over and have..." " Isn't this fantastic?" "Yeah." " Who ordered the pasta?" " It's for the kitty." "Good Lord." "What gruel is this?" "Quite right, old boy." "They must have given me yours." "Garfield, since when do you say no to lasagna?" "You do realize I'm a cat, don't you, sir?" " He doesn't seem himself." " He's probably jet-lagged." "I suppose I should probably force down a bite or two to keep up my strength." "It does have a unique texture." "So, Liz, I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been kind of anxious to..." "Why am I clapping?" "I'm sorry." "What were you saying?" "Spot on." "Never have I tasted its equal." "Garfield, that's gross." "Please, sir, may I have some more?" "Does a Great Dane live here?" "It's a Carlyle log, my lord." "A savory of liver and spleen, served in a sleeve of sheep's intestines." "And you're supposed to eat it?" "What is this?" "Fear Factor?" "Intestines, spleen..." " I'm the king, right?" " Prince, actually." "Same difference." "I rule, yes?" " Yes, Your Highness." "Great." "Then feed this to the humans and just bring me a piping hot dish of lasagna, OK?" "I'll see to it at once, sire." "Now it says we add the ricotta cheese." "Ducks, you're supposed to sift the flour, not sit in it." "Don't yell at us." "We're not the ones who drank all the cooking sherry." "Oh, the female ferrets sing this song" "Nigel!" "Ooh!" "Nigel!" "Ha!" "The female ferrets can't be wrong..." "Carrots make everything better, and it can't hurt lasagna." "What the heck is...?" "That was close." "Slip in the eggs, ooze in the tomatoes, now stir the whole thing up." "Let the bowl sizzle." " No, sizzle." "You know." " Okay." "Hold it right here, all you animals." "What goes on here, Winston?" "We're preparing the royal lasagna, sire." "Unless you'd prefer another dish." "Did you say "dish"?" "Lasagna's not a "dish," windbag." "It's a way of life, a state of being, man's one perfect achievement." "What did the Indians serve to the Pilgrims?" "Lasagna." "What did Marie Antoinette scream to the rabble? "Let them eat lasagna."" "What did Neil Armstrong say when he landed on the moon?" "That's one small slice of lasagna."" "It's not a dish." "It's the stuff of dreams." "It's the food of the gods." "It's what's for lunch." "Yeah, well, the problem is it seems we've mucked it up." "You just need a little guidance, that's all." "Where's the flour?" "Who's got it?" "1 need a mixing bowl." " One large mixing bowl." "And someone to mix it." "Thank you." "Much obliged." "Cheba, did you remember to wash your hooves?" "Ladies." "Thank you so much." "Strike." "Strike." "A little outside." "Step on it, will you?" "I need that dough." "Yeah." "We'll need about a half a pound of this." "What are barnyard animals doing in the kitchen?" "Leave at once." "This is completely against my health code." "Getting hot." "Turn on the fan, somebody." "What are you doing?" "Get away from there." "Sorry." "Proof more accidents happen in the kitchen than any other room in the house." "Where did that big ball of dough go?" "All I see are magnificent ribbons of perfection." "It's lasagna, not shish kebab." "Taste that." "Is that too sweet for you?" "One time." "Here comes the parsley." "All right, bring it in, bring it in." "Back, back, back." "Good." "I need somebody with a hard head." "Thank you." "It's out of our hands now." "Nice bit of cheese." "This lasagna's fabulous." " That's a bit of all right, that is." " Those Italians got it right, didn't they?" " Two cheeses." "That is delicious." " Yeah, not bad on short notice." " It's beautiful." "What did I tell you?" "If you just let me be your king and lead you, all right?" " Any more?" "One more piece." " Would anyone mind if I..." " It's mine." " Move." " Easy." "Hold up a moment." " That piece has Nigel's name on it." "1 said it's mine." " Get your paws off it." " Please." "I command you." "Leave room for dessert." "Wants the bull now." "Half an inch adjustment from his last shot." "Nearly." "Heavens, I fear there was something urgent to which I was supposed to attend and yet I can't for the life of me begin to recall what it was." " You really like it?" "1 do." "It's great." "Thank you." "Let me see." "I gotta go." "Are you sure I can't go with you to this castle tour?" "They won't mind." "It's a conservancy function for speakers only." "I guess the woman who owned the place was a big animal lover." "Hang with the guys." "Odie could use a walk and Garfield could use some serious ab work." "Anyway, I'll be back soon." "Have fun, boys" "My entire world seems to revolve around napping, television and lasagna." "Still, I'm plagued by a vague notion of a duty unfulfilled." "Oh, well." "Back to sleep." "What is it, woof woof?" ""Castles of England"?" "Good Lord, there it is." "Carlyle Castle on the Upper Thames." "Brilliant, Odie." "All this time I took you for, well, a complete simpleton." "Now destiny calls." "To the battlements." "Sound the horns." "For king and country." "Farewell, my loyal squire." "The legend cont..." "What ho." "Garfield?" "Okay, sore bottom, a little disoriented, but undeterred." "Garfield?" "Now, which way's the river?" "1 think this way." " Garfield." "Sorry, Jon." "Here it is." "Now one needs some kind of conveyance." "Hello." "It's an awfully long way down, but I must, and I shall, and I..." "Well, Miss Westminster, I have the papers all drawn up." "We need only sign them and it's on to the groundbreaking." "Wonderful." "I'd like to move forward as soon as possible." "Just think - bulldozers, paving machines, busily transforming this dump into beautiful luxury condos." "You and I striding through centuries of dust like giants, surveying our emerging empire." "Two proud parents." "I'll just check on Smithee, see if tea is ready." "Filthy monsters." "Come back here, you smelly creature." "Come here." "Pigs, mark your man." "Come here, you smelly individual." "You know what?" "I got two words for that guy: "You're fired."" "If only it were that simple, sire." "Swine." " Is there a problem, sir?" " There's a bull drinking my champagne, the pool's full of wild animals and a pig tried to kill me." "Yes, I would say there was a problem." " I'll tend to it, sir." " You'll tend to it immediately." "And we'll have tea indoors." "Do you think you could handle that?" "Thank you." "Good chap." " Has there been an accident?" " I'm afraid tea will have to wait till later." "He's about 421/4 pounds, orange fur - more like a burnt sienna - and he answers to the name Garfield." "Okay." "Well, fortunately Scotland Yard isn't very busy this week, so we'll put together a task force of our best men and turn all our resources and attention towards finding your fat cat." " Really?" " No." "Come on, Odie." "Now, Rommel, it's really quite simple." "Me, Prince." "Prince, me." "Provider of food, food" "All right, guv'nor." "Yum yum." " Kill." " Kitty." "Attaboy, Rommel." "There you go." "Well done." "That's the spirit." "Bad boy." "Bad boy." "Come on, get along." "Smithee." "How are you?" "Do me a favor." "Have that polished There's a good chap." "What's on your mind, Smithee?" "Mr. Hobbs' office called." "Are the solicitors convening again, sir?" "It's nothing at all, Smithee." "Papers to sign, you know." "Boring." "Incidentally, when did you last have a holiday, Smithee?" "Holiday, sir?" "I can't remember." "Seriously, man?" "What an embarrassing oversight on my part." "I insist you have a week's holiday, starting today." "1 don't know." "I don't think I can..." "1 won't hear a word of it." "I can just see you cycling in the Dordogne, fighting the wild boar in Tristan da Cunha." "Farewell, wind to your sails and bon voyage, Smithee." "Well, then thank you, sir." "What am I gonna do?" "How am I supposed to find Garfield?" "London's really big." "I don't care about some alien love baby, OK?" "I'm worried about Garfield." "Odie, you know what?" "You're being a real..." ""Lady Eleanor of Carlyle has left her entire estate to her beloved cat, Prince XII."" "Maybe someone mistook this cat for Garfield." "Odie, come on." "Come on, buddy." "The Venetian crystal chandeliers were commissioned by the third Earl of Carlyle in the late 18th century." "Over here we have several family portraits painted by the Dutch master, Van Dyck." "These are amongst the many treasures to be found at Carlyle." "Rule Britannia Britannia catches waves" "Hogwash." "I tell you, this cat is mocking us at every turn." "Preston, calm yourself." "We're only doing what is best for everybody." "How much longer must we sustain this charade?" "I can't believe this cat is so stupid as to think he's actually royalty." "Well, he does, and, house cat or not, we need him." "House cat?" " Just have a little patience." " Patience?" "Admit it, Winston." "This buffoon couldn't groom the paws of a real king." "Buffoon?" "Golly, this is without a doubt my all-time crummiest moment." "Jon." "Man, I've been such a stupid, selfish cat." "I've lost my friend." "I gotta find him." "The original medieval kitchen has stood on this site since 1485." "Yes, it's big, it's old and it's musty." "Lord Dargis, please meet the tour group from the Royal Animal Conservancy." "By all means, save the little darlings." "That's my motto." "Big fan of Free Willy, Born Free, all the Free movies." "Bravo." "Now, off you go." "If you come this way, we'll visit some of the underground passages." "Hello." "Welcome to Carlyle Castle, my dear." "Thank you." "It's beautiful." "Well, that makes two of you." "Did I mention how much I abhor fox-hunting?" " Unless, of course, in self-defense." " Bye." "If I may," " one question..." " Liz." "The same as our own dear queen." "Cordial?" " One question, Liz." " Liz?" "What would you say if I were to donate one of my priceless oil paintings to your conservancy?" " Thank you?" " But how would you say it?" "That royal sleaze is hitting on Liz." "Perhaps you would consider dining with me at the castle tonight?" "Nobody hits on my best friend's girlfriend and succeeds." "Mr. Pinata Head." "You." "Me?" "Excuse me for one moment." " Sure, but..." " Mi castle es su castle." "Your nine lives are up." "No." "No, not now." "Good Lord." "Do these people never sleep?" "Why now?" "Mr. Hobbs." "Punctual as usual." "Just taking out the rubbish." "Won't be a jiffy." "Please." "Okay, you got me." "You are so stupid." " Dungeon." " I'm just a cat." "Please." "I'm so weak." "And you're so strong." "So powerful." "You creep." "There's more than one way to skin a royal cat." "I'm not a royal cat." "I'm a self-centered house cat." "Wait." "Wait." "What?" "You think I'm gonna crack in here?" "No." "This is gonna be a treat." "I'm finally gonna have some quality alone time." "I'm gonna write that novel I've been putting off." "I'm gonna learn a couple of languages and start a new work-out regimen." "I'm gonna lose all this, get myself in top physical condition." "Thank you." "Yeah." "I love it here." "You've done me an enormous favor." "Who's laughing now?" "It's nice to get away from the urban sprawl." "Carlyle, 28 miles." "Going my way?" "Piece of cake, really." "So we make a left up ahead" "Right turn." "Thanks, buddy." "I'm afraid there's just no sign of him." " Really?" "Well, then, let's make it official." "Well, if we must, we must." "Then there's the time I got hit by that car, and that time that I ate that six-day-old halibut." "That's only seven lives." "I got two more." "All right." "I'm gonna get out of this." " Bingo." "Winston and I have come to your rescue." "Took you long enough." "Did you hear my stomach growling?" "No, but we heard your tiresome monologue." "Bad halibut indeed." " Let's get you out of here, Your Highness." " Winster." "The solicitors are here." "We have to move quickly." " Then we luncheon, Your Royal Highness." " Yeah, you can drop that shtick, drool boy." "I heard you and the bird." "How about the "house cat" part?" "I love that." "All right, all right, so we weren't exactly honest." "We had to do it." "What would you have done?" "Save your breath, chubby cheeks." "I shall abdicate my throne and return to my TV chair." " You were our only hope." " The only hope of the hopeless." "What do they want - blood?" "I've been eating and sleeping my heart out for these animals." "Still not enough." "Like I'm not as good as a royal cat could be?" "I so knew you weren't me." "And you must be Garfield." " How do you know my name?" " I've lived your life for the past few days." "Yes, if ever a man loved a cat, it's your Jon." "Return to him, Garfield." "Return to your home." "Your Highness, you don't have to tell me twice." "Bye-bye." "Sire, thank heavens." "You've returned." "Thank heavens." " It's the real Prince, the genuine article." " Yes, my friends." "I have returned to you at this, our darkest hour." "So, Winny, what exactly is Lord Dargis up to?" "He intends to level our homes and kill us all." "Okay." "Well, in that case, I decree that we pack our bags and get our scraggy bottoms out of here." " Perhaps to the castle next door." " Oh, boy." " That was inspirational." " Brilliant." "I am so fired up." "1 have to believe we can do better." "1 thought you were leaving." "Button the beak, Froot Loops, or I'll stick that thing on backwards." "Look, Lord Doofus is just another bully." "And what do we do to bullies?" "Well, generally, we run from them." "No, we don't leave." "We stand and we kick royal butt." "Trust me, if you beasts can bake a two-cheese lasagna, you can beat Dargis." "Well, do you have a plan, Garfield?" "Tell you what." "For the duration of this battle." "I would prefer to be called G-Cat, and we have two plans." "Teamwork." "Yes" "Hey, girlie dog." "Yeah, you, girlie girl." "You're such a silly, sissy dog." " Go." "Go!" " The game's afoot." "Sissy, silly dog." "You don't move so good, bozo." "Here, kitty, kitty." "Mr. Stinky Dog." "Hey, loco." "Oh, no." "Run away." "The loss of Prince" " I'm not quite sure any of us will ever get over it." "Prince and Carlyle Court were one." "Sometimes it's almost as if his spirit were still..." " His spirit's still what?" " Still roaming the grounds." "I wonder if you could excuse me for a little while." "Do you hear running water?" "I won't be long." "He's a bit of a tool, don't you think?" "Yes?" " Lord Dargis." "Am I early?" "Only just, Miss Westminster." "Only just." "Please, please, please." "I was just finishing something up." "I wonder if you'd like to wait in the library." "Okay." " Make yourself at home." "Have a seat." " Thank you." " Tally-ho." " On the other hand, this simply won't do." " Smithee's been painting again." "1 can't smell anything." "You never can." "Next thing you know, you're salsa dancing in your knickers." " What?" "1 won't be long." "Mr. Dargis, will we be starting sometime today?" "Absolutely, Mr. Hobbs" "Hello again." " What's the matter?" " Matter with what?" " You screamed." " No, I didn't." "Why don't you adjourn to my study?" "And I'll retrieve the papers." "Where are you, you red-headed devil?" "Mr. Fancy Pants." "Wait till I get my hands on you." "Bring it on." "Dargis." "I got two words for yous: me yow." "Come here, you." "No, you won't do." "I specifically requested a feline masseuse." "Somebody get this thing off of me." "Hey, bozo." "Yeah, you, buster." "Stupid, red-haired, flea-bitten..." "Lord D..." "What is..." " What is that?" "I felt a slight chill." "I thought a simple wrap would be just the ticket." " There." " There what?" "There is absolutely no reason why you can't have a cool, refreshing drink to make you feel calmer in this steamy weather." "Wait in the room." "Stupid cat." "Nobody makes an idiot out of me." "Upsy-daisy." "Medic." " Well done, old man." " Thank you." "Never seen a welcome mat on the way out." " Get your cameras ready, ladies." " Come back here, you flea-bitten monster." "Trousers." "Trousers." " Target sighted." " Shaken him off." " Pull." " Take that." "And that." " Down a bit." "Down a bit." "Up." " Bob's your uncle." "Good Lord." "It's a conspiracy." " Oh, dear." " Trousers." "Smithee!" "Excuse me." "Sir?" " Is that Carlyle Castle?" " It is." "Maybe you can help me." "Have you seen a cat that looks like this?" "Yes." "That's Prince, the cat of Carlyle." "It's also Garfield, the cat of the cul-de-sac." "You mean you have a cat that's Prince's Doppelganger?" "No." "I'm saying they look exactly alike, and there's a chance they may have got mixed up." "I see." "There you are, man." "Good God." "What happened to your clothes?" "Indeed, it's been that kind of day." "Mr. Dargis, I demand an explanation." "I had no choice." "The cat just won't die." " What did you say?" " You will sign the deeds over to me." " Cat or no cat." " Oh, my." "Mr. Hobbs, you were right." "Lord Dargis was willing to go to any lengths to get the estate." "1 can see you're busy." "I'm just gonna..." " Young lady." "Get over there." "Traitoress." "You were working with them all along." "Odie." "Odie, wait for me." "Odie." "Get on with it." "Hello, everyone." "Sorry I'm late." "Shall I ring for tea?" "It's Prince, and he's alive." "I am bushed." "All this running-for-my-life stuff." "What say we break for lunch take a quick nap and pick it up later?" "Sound good?" "There are two of you little monsters" "For those of you keeping score at home, that's 18 lives." "This is unbelievable." "Two cats?" "No matter." "I've plenty of ammunition." "Something's biting me." "Odie, let him go." " Help!" "Your lunatic dog just bit my bottom." "All right." "Well played, you." " Hey, look." "It's little Jon." " Good show, old man." "I'll go quietly." " Jon?" " Liz." "What's going on?" " Well, hello, my dear." " Hello." "And not a moment too soon." "Is this a part of the tour?" " Let her go." "All in good time." "Now, if you'd be so kind." "OK." "Stay calm, OK?" " Mr. Hobbs, the papers, please." "I've seen enough." "Wanna call your weasel?" "Sic him, Nigel." "I'm a ferret, and I mean business." "Trouser-leg business." "I'll take a leg, please." "On second thoughts, I'll have some white meat." "Good Lord." "There's a wild animal in my trousers." "Who's next, then?" "Glass jaw." "He can dish it out, but he can't take it." "That was amazing." "Are you OK?" "Yeah, I never felt better." "Well done, Garfield." "I was rooting for you." " Did you hear something?" " Yes, one did." "I'm here to discuss my new position." "There he is, gentlemen." "Come along." "There's a good boy." "It was the animals, you know." "Plotting, planning, every one of them against me." "I assume that will be all, sir?" "Smithee." "He'll vouch for me." "Smithee." "Odie, thank you." "You're a hero and a gentleman." "Whoa." "There are two Garfields?" "How can you tell them apart?" "You forgot imbecile." "Garfield." "Liz, I've been trying to get the courage up to ask you something all week." "And..." "Come on." "Really?" "Looking for something?" "Thanks, pal." "Liz, will you marry me?" "Yes." "You know a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's?" "Come on." "The coast is clear." "Let's hear it for the cats." " Go, Garfield." " That's right." "Come on." "Can you do the Carlyle jig?" "It goes like this." " Can you do this?" " Boogaloo." "Bust a move, man." "No, it's something like this, here." "And so, my loyal subjects, I leave you with a final legacy." "Cannonball." "Brilliant party, sire." "Yeah, when the going gets tough, the great ones party." " Who wants to play Marco Polo?" " Marco." "I refuse to partake in this sinful display of hedonism." "Those nuts look good." "Get a load of this." "Bombs away." "I love this pond." "We rule the pool, goosy." "Give me some feathers." "Watch the ears." "Thank you." "You're so kind." "Odie, could you beat it, please?" "It's good to be king." "English" " US"