""LISBELA"" "Too far away." "It'll be distracting." "Too close." "We'll have to keep moving our eyes to watch the scene." "We have to sit just the right distance from the screen." " Will this do?" " No, a bit more toward the middle." " Here." " But why here?" "Here there are two couples in front of us with an empty seat in between." "Almost no one comes here alone, so I'll have this opening in front of me." "But in front of me there's a gigantic head." "When the movie starts she'll slide down in her seat, you'll see." "Lisbela, you are the expert on watching movies." " But it hasn't even started yet." " Even so... before the movie you should talk quietly." "It'll look like we're praying." "I love this part." "The lights slowly go down." "The outside world slowly disappears." "Our eyes open wider and wider." "Pretty soon we won't even remember we're here." "What a joke!" "It's in black and white." " I think it's beautiful." " It's so outdated." "In Rio de Janeiro all the films are in color." "What kind of story is it?" "A mix of romantic comedy and adventure." "There's a hero who is a Don Juan... who's never fallen in love with anyone until he meets the girl." "The girl will suffer a lot because the hero's love for her... causes a lot of problems." "There's a villain who wants to kill the hero... or get the girl, or both." "There's another woman who wants the hero... but he doesn't want her at all." "And then there's a bunch of other characters... who keep doing funny things to liven up the story." "Some of them will wind up as happy as the hero and the girl... others will end up as bad as the villain... depending on whether they help or hinder the romance." " Have you already seen it?" " No, but it's always like that." "So why watch?" "What's interesting isn't just finding out what happens... but how and when it happens." "We're going to meet a lot of new people... who have a lot of problems that we can't solve, only they can." "We're going to see how." "And when." "It's starting." "People of Paudalho, where there's life, there's hope." "And what I have inside this truck isn't a miracle... black magic, or witchcraft." "It won't keep your mother-in-law away or protect you from the evil eye." "It won't furnish hair to the bald, arms to the armless... or shame to the shameless." "The product I have to offer... doesn't cure all ills, just one:" "The malady of love." "It doesn't work against all sicknesses, just one:" "A man's weakness." "It doesn't relieve all pains... it only puts an end to the worst one:" "The pain of being a cuckold." "Yes, my friends." "You know how it is." "A man works all day like a dog... and when he comes home at night, he can't even do his duty." "When his wife puts her arms around him he talks like this:" ""Get away, Maria, get away, we'll take care of it later."" "But later, when it's 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock in the morning... he's still talking on and on." "Picture a disabled person." "This guy's nerves have gone numb, he's got chronic rheumatism." "His batteries are corroded... and the hand of that old clock is stuck rusted at six-thirty... and there's no way it will ever point to twelve noon." "But if you take... the remedy I have here, you'll be just like a prize rooster... scraping his spurs on the pavement and watching the sparks fly." "Now I'm going put up for sale at a reasonable price... the newest invention of pharmaceutical... therapeutical and laboratorical science." "The work of a lifetime." "These flasks contain the cure for every disease... and the plague of death... good and evil... two rival kings who are always doing battle... over a man's soul." "May the best man win." "Steve?" "Steve, what's going on?" "Will Dr. Steve's heart become as vile as his appearance?" "Will Marlon be the first victim of the monster?" "Don't miss the continuation of this rousing adventure..." "In the next episode of "The Metamorphoses of the Soul!"" "Watching a movie is such agony!" "It doesn't do any good to pray for the characters." "Calm down, sweetheart." "Tomorrow you'll find out what happens." "That's the hard part, having to wait until tomorrow." "I know how this movie ends." "It played in Rio de Janeiro a long time ago." " Now the guy..." " No, Douglas, don't tell me." "Having to wait is a good thing." "This way we'll keep wondering what's going to happen." "Do you have your swindler's diploma?" " Yes, but it's forged." " Very funny." "Your potion was useless, you know?" "I gave my husband the whole bottle and he just laid there." "That's because for husbands it has to be more concentrated." "I watered yours down so I'd have the pleasure of seeing you again." " How will you repay me for my loss?" " Do you want your money back... or satisfaction guaranteed?" "Hold on, I didn't give you the green light." "I don't know even know you." "Manoel Felicio, also known as Manny the Hunk... for obvious reasons." "Why are all advertisers liars?" " That's not true." " Yes, it is." "Not me." "I promise to compensate you for your wasted time... the money you spent, and your dashed hopes." " Lf it depends on your syrup..." " I don't need it." "You're the best elixir there is..." "Mrs..." "Pleasures." "Toinha." "Marilda." "Doralice." "Selma." "Pains." " Pleasures." " You again?" "So?" "That's why my name is in the plural." "Pleasures isn't a name, it's an ad for your product." "Didn't I tell you they'd kiss at the end?" "That's easy." "Movies always end with a kiss." "No, mister, they don't." "If it's a comedy it ends with a quarrel." "You're pushing the point." "Tell me:" "How did she know the monster was the leading man?" "She didn't know." "But then she saw he had a good heart." " By his eyes." " When?" "When she screamed." "First we saw his eyes, filled with fear." "And then we saw her eyes, not so afraid as before." "And then we saw his eyes real close, sad now." "Then we saw her eyes, sad as well." "Then he lowered his eyes and the music got sad, too." "Then she smiled and the music got happier." "Then she caressed his face." "He raised his eyes." "She laughed." "Then the romantic music played... and she knew she could kiss the monster." "Wait a minute:" "Was it the kiss that transformed him?" " It was the kiss and the antidote." " The antidote?" "Yes, Douglas, in English they say "antidote"." "Love and the antidote transformed him." "And when the antidote wears off?" "The power of love will still be there." " Leaving already, honey?" " Life is like riding a bicycle, ma'am." "If you stop, you fall." " Why aren't you taking me with you?" " I'm carrying you inside my heart." "The next serial will be an adventure story." "Cool." "I wonder why in America everyone is better-Iooking, and braver?" "You're making me jealous." "You're an Adonis, Douglas." "You look just like Gary Cooper." "And you look just like Audrey Hepburn, it's amazing." "Check it out, what an attractive couple." "We'll have beautiful children." "Yes, but not yet." "The wedding isn't until next month." "But sweetheart..." "It's so close..." "You want to have your supper at lunchtime?" "The closer it gets to mealtime, the hungrier people get." "Behave yourself." "I want to be married in white... and spend my honeymoon in Rio." "Everything like it should be." "You're going to dig Rio de Janeiro." "I'm going to take you to all the great places." "From Niteroi to Copacabana." "Lights out, Lisbela." "A daughter of mine has to be in bed before nine." " No burning the midnight oil." " My gosh, father, I'm almost married." "The way these almosts keep adding up, soon they'll have done it all." "Daughter, even after marriage, you have to take certain precautions." "What precautions, father?" "On the first night... after the wedding, there's... there's some stuff that happens..." " Some stuff?" " Yes, child..." "A girl becomes a woman." "Oh... how I miss your mother!" "Father, are you trying to tell me about sex?" "What's this, child?" "Show me some respect!" "This is what comes... from seeing all those indecent movies." "Oh, I know, it's about kissing." "It's a little more than that." " Is it about having children?" " It's a little less than that." "It's in the middle, between kissing and having children." "Daughter, the first night, the wedding night... sometimes the man asks for certain things that you shouldn't grant him." "But father, shouldn't I obey my husband?" "Yes, my child, you should..." "But should I or shouldn't I?" "Obey, my child, obey... but obey as little as possible." "People of Boa Vista, this life is a valley of tears." "But the remedy I'm presenting to you brings the hope of eternal life." "What I have to offer you... doesn't relieve pains of the body, but the afflictions of the spirit." "It's not for cleansing your blood, but for purifying your soul." "It doesn't provide a cure, but it offers salvation." "Tonight you will obtain divine grace... by watching the magnificent spectacle "The Passion of Christ"... with the renowned actor Patrick Mendel in the role of Jesus." "Yes, gentlemen... and ladies..." "Watch where you're going!" "That's all the costumes, you guys." "I can't perform miracles." "Hey, is there a part for me in your play?" "O beauty..." "Ah, Father, there's no Christ who can resist this." "I think you're a little too slick to play Jesus." "But you're just right for Mary Magdalene." "I really want to play the Virgin Mary." "Everyone does, but that's silly." "The Virgin Mary was the best person in the world... but it's better to play a character with faults." "The Virgin Mary was always a saint." "Mary Magdalene was a prostitute and then became a saint." "Lord, God of poor wretches, Save me from this pack of wolves." "Pharisees of Galilee, What has this woman done wrong?" "Inaura, you make me want to sin." "Because I loved too much, It angered the crowd." "Let he who is without sin Cast the first stone." "I'm madly in love." "My destiny now, O Lord, Is to follow your footsteps." "My road is one of pain." "My path is one of blood and sweat." "I long for your caress." "But you won't be alone." "Wherever you go I will follow." "My suffering is over." "It is finished." "This is really hard work." "It's all over." "What else can happen?" "Worst case, it could rain." " I've risen!" " Mother of God!" "You startled me." " Did I scare you?" " I thought you were a thief." "The thieves' crosses were on the ends." "My cross was in the middle." "And my cross is that you won't leave me alone." "Then we're even, because you've robbed me of my peace, too." "Since I saw you, I can't think of anything... but these luscious thighs and these juicy breasts." "You've got all the right equipment." "I'm not going to fall for your lines." "I saw you... with half a dozen skinny legs wrapped around you during the rehearsals." "I was practicing so I wouldn't make a bad impression... when I found myself in the presence of your charms, Miss Inaura." "You're lucky my husband is away working." "You didn't tell me you're married!" "You don't know him?" "He's very famous." " I know, he's an artist." " No." "He's a killer." " Frederico Evandro." " It's a beautiful name." "But he's better known as "The Candlelighter"." "Why in hell does he have such a weird name?" "Every time he rubs somebody out... he goes to the first church he finds, lights a candle... and says an "Our Father" for the dead man's soul." "But why does he rub people out?" "What's that about?" "That's what he's paid to do." "If it were up to Frederico, heaven would always be full." "This candle is for a poor wretch who, half an hour from now..." "I'll be sending to speak with You." "It's too bad he's going to die in good health." "But it's good, too, because he won't waste money on doctors or medicine." "But sir, what did I do to end up in this unfortunate situation?" "That, I don't know." "Knowing the reason for the dispute softens a professional's heart." "I have two wives and a bunch of children to raise." "Be brave, man." "Stop your teeth from chattering." "Do you want to arrive in heaven with loose teeth?" "In the name of God, man." "I don't want to die by being murdered." "I promise I won't last long." "Let me live the little time I have left, so I can die a natural death." "Okay, boy, it's not my nature... but since my soul is overloaded..." "I'll give you more time." "Who knows, when God adds up my sins... maybe He'll consider this a good deed." "Thank you, I'm very grateful..." "Go now." "Kindness is like rain in the desert:" "It takes forever to come, and then it doesn't last long." "You're a good man!" "I'm the best of the worst." "I hate to see anybody die sad." "They always show the bad guy in close-up... so people will get scared by that huge face filling the screen." "It's a great pleasure to meet you again, Mr. David." "See that?" "A real villain... talks as if he's the hero, politely, calmly." "Dr. Klaus!" "I should have known..." "And the hero swears all the time." "You lousy bastard!" "You miserable maniac!" "What a nightmare!" "It's a good thing the hero always escapes in the end." " What's your hurry, my love?" " I can only die once a day." " Doctor's orders." " Lf I died today, I'd die happy." " Let's get off the subject of death." " Why don't we return to that other subject?" " That other subject leads to this one." "Frederico went away." "He won't be back today." " Don't be afraid." " Afraid!" "Do you think I'm the kind of man who's afraid of another man?" "Inaura!" " My husband!" " God save me!" " Who's there?" " There?" "There where?" "There where you are!" " Oh, "here." You said "there"..." " What are you, nuts?" " Here where I am, I am, Frederico." " But I heard a man's voice in here!" "This is Radio Hope." "7OO megahertz." " The last to go off the air." " It's the radio." "Now we're going to listen to Maisa, I mean, Roberto Carlos, sing..." ""If By Chance You Came."" "If by chance you came to my cabin and found..." "Why are you turning up the volume, Frederico?" "I'll tell you why this lady..." "Are you changing the station, my love?" "The cheapest in town..." "Stop turning the dial, you've found your station." "Stop fooling with the radio." "Isn't there any good music?" "Here you hear only good music, the best!" "Broadcasting in shortwave, medium, long and round wave, only the hits." " I know that a pice of me..." " Listen!" "...still lives there Inside..." " What?" "...a great love..." " On the radio." "Doesn't die like that Like foam blowing in the wind" "This song was playing when I met you in that night club." "That was a long time ago, Frederico!" "But you're more and more appetizing." "It's because you've been away." "Hunger is the best spice." " So?" "Let's enjoy!" " Again?" "What do you mean, again?" "I just got here." "Oh, you come and go all the time, my love." "I get confused." " And the radio?" " What about it?" "Why did it stop?" "I can hear it very low." "She gave the radio away and didn't say a word to me..." "The radio I gave her Gave her as a gift..." "What's with this radio?" "I turned it off and it's still playing." "It's got a new battery." "There's a man inside here!" "Get him!" "Will our hero meet a bad end?" "Or will he manage to slither out of the stew he's in?" "Don't miss the next episode:" ""The Adventures of the Sly Fox..." "DON'T MISS Versus the Cuckolded Killer."" "Tomorrow comes the best part, when the hero meets the girl." "How do you know?" "Because they showed the hero and they showed the girl." "Now it's time to show them together." "People of Rosarinho, the future belongs to God... but the occult sciences can remove the blindfold." "Consult with Professor Zokhan... through graphology, telepathy, card-reading, and numerology... sciences based on your own individual psychometry." "Professor Zokhan reveals the secret." "He tells you what will be, what was, and what is." "I have studied the life of Allan Kardec, the founder of Spiritism." " Hey, do you know this guy?" " Nope." "The book of homeopathy, judicial astrology, planetary psychology..." "Damn!" "People of Nazare da Mata." "Feeling sad won't pay your debts." "Come have a good time with Ramon Gonzales, the blind trapeze artist." "A show of international quality, today only... in Nazare da Mata." "People of Vitoria de Santo Antao." "Life is a mystery to man, and man is a miracle of God." "But in the show I am presenting today... you will see this miracle and discover this mystery." "Monga, the gorilla woman... captured in the heart of Africa... in Tivoli Park beginning tonight." "What came first:" "The chicken or the egg?" "Today science gives the answer:" "It was the ape." "We're all descended from the lineage of the gorillas." "That's precisely what you can see for yourself... by watching the transformation of this lovely woman... the dazzling Sumara, into one of our ancestors." "It's all rigged!" "In Rio de Janeiro it would be banned." "Let's go, Douglas!" "It'll be like that movie..." ""Metamorphoses of the Soul," when Dr. Steve turned into a monster." "For as little as it will take to turn this hick into an ape the ticket should be free." " Douglas!" "Pretty girls who are unaccompanied get in free." " How much is it, then?" " Four cruzeiros." " Four cruzeiros!" " Thank you very much." "For a ticket?" "That's a rip-off!" "And two more cruzeiros for the girl's ticket." "You're insane, pal." "Didn't you say she got in free?" "Exactly, boss, if she's unaccompanied." "But if you go in, she automatically enters the category... of girls who are accompanied, therefore, she pays." "I want my money back!" " I'm leaving!" " Certainly." "That's free." " I'll get my sweetheart immediately." " Hey, to go in it's four bills." "But I'm not going to stay." "That's the charge for going in, not for staying." "That's absurd!" "I'm going to call the police!" "Fine." "Policemen get in free." "Now begins the extraordinary transformation... of one being into another, what the Greeks called metamorphosis." "If you are afraid of your own shadow... or think the hissing lizard is a snake... if your coffee cup trembles against the edge of the saucer... be careful, because the show you are about to see... can shock your nervous system." "Stay calm, Sumara, stay calm, Sumara..." "Attention, box office, we have a problem." "Stay calm, Sumara..." "Attention..." "Be careful!" "Stay calm, Sumara." "Box office, we have..." "Sumara..." "I knew it was a trick!" "And the best part was making everyone disappear." " How is the transformation done?" " I'll show you." "We built this black box in the shape of an L... with this glass in the middle." "You stand still on your side... while I go to my side in the gorilla suit." "If I turn off your light and leave mine on... people only see the gorilla reflected in the glass." "Now, when I do the opposite, they only see you." "As I turn down the light on your side... and turn up the light on my side, my image gradually reflects... on top of yours... until yours disappears like this, slowly." "It's as if you are transformed into a gorilla." "It's like a time machine... making us turn into what we were thousands of years ago." "But it can also function as a love machine." " Is there a machine for that?" " When a person loves someone... what more can they want in this world?" " To be really close to each other." " There you go." "So close, so close... as the poet says:" ""By imagining his beloved so much" "The lover turns into the one he loves" "I no longer have to feel desire" "For the one I desire is already inside me"" "I think this love machine is even nicer." "Then stay very quiet and close your eyes." "Now I'm going to show you how the wishing machine works." "Hey, where are you?" "I turned on the illusion machine." "At this moment begins the extraordinary transformation... of one being into another, what the ancient Greeks called metamorphosis." "But known to us as a con game." "L"II teach you to have respect for my daughter, you hear me?" "Sumara!" "This establishment is closed until further notice." "And you better come to the police station Monday... to get a city license." "Chief, go easy on me." "You're a human being, we're all Brazilians." " I'm only trying to make a buck." " Next time I'll put you in jail." "I'd like to see you break those bars." "Nonsense, woman." "This is no time for scruples." "Wait, hold on..." "Corporal Citonho!" "Inside the police station!" "Have you no shame?" "There's plenty of shame here, Chief." "So much I'm almost dying from it." "And who is this woman you've brought into the station?" "This is Frannie of Antao, the wife of that guy Ronnie..." "Why do you make every Ronald a Ronnie, and every Frances a Frannie?" "Why so many "ies"?" "Because I'm a sweetie, boss." "Ronnie and I, we have a little farm in Caja." "Citonho always came there to catch birds." "With all the coming and going, I got to know Frannie... and Frannie also got to know me." "And what are you doing here?" "We ended up liking each other, you know." "Then one day we were lying together in a meadow, and Ronnie caught us." "It was a drag, it was right when we were caressing each other's hair." " How can I put up with this situation?" " Wow!" "That's exactly... what Ronnie said: "How can I put up with this situation?"" "I said, "There's no way." And was there?" "No, there wasn't." "The solution was for her to leave her husband and come to live with me." "And since I'm on the night shift, I brought her over here." "Is everything okay?" " Is there anything you need?" " To tell the truth, there is." "I came here with only the clothes I have on." "Dresses, slippers, nightgowns..." "Everything's still in Ronnie's house." "When I went to get her clothes, he, excuse my language... threw a full bedpan at me." "I left completely soaked and stinking to high heaven." " That's right." "And he said if he came back, it would be even worse." "So I'd like to ask you to take measures so I won't be subjected to such humiliation, Chief." " So, you put the horns on the guy... take his wife away from him, and still come to me to file a complaint?" "That's just great!" "You want to know what I think?" "Do you really want to know?" "The man didn't do enough to you!" "If it was me, God forbid..." "I'd have put a bullet this big in your head." "But Mr. Chief, see if this is right." "One has the woman, and the other has the clothes." "Heck!" "What good are the clothes without the woman?" "But a woman is only good without the clothes, right?" "Quiet!" "And you, Corporal, you better take the woman back!" "But I don't think the man will accept a refund." "Watch your insubordination!" "And your lack of respect!" "Now you want to have two wives, is that it?" "Hold on!" "Are you already living with someone else?" " Just a little." " Really?" "You're going to get it good!" "Chief!" "Pull us apart!" "I'm in uniform, I can't hit a woman!" "It serves you right!" "You can play the Casanova, but you won't get any help from me." "I'm liable to blow out a candle just to watch a man die in the dark." "The guy who's coming up very soon, father... will arrive there badly damaged... because it's not a professional job." "I'm doing it for free." "I'm filled with a great hatred for this one." "Do you live in this town?" "Unfortunately." " Do you know this guy?" " Isn't that Jesus Christ?" "Do I look like a churchgoer?" "His name is Patrick Mendel." " I don't know him, sir." " You don't know him?" "But I'd be very happy to meet him." "And why do you want to meet a perverted betraying Judas like him?" " To knock the jerk's head off." "I'm not asking you to be my partner!" "I tracked him here from Boa Vista to drink his blood." " Hey, brother." " You're from Boa Vista." " Boa Vista is a real macho place." "Not everybody likes it." "People there always wear black." " Why's that?" " Everyone is always in mourning... for some murdered relative." "And you, where are you from?" " I'm from right here." " Then why don't you talk like a man?" "Because I studied for years in Rio de Janeiro." "That's a place for sissies." "I know a guy who raised a jaguar there." "It got so messed up, it would drink milk from a saucer, like a kitten." "People there are soft, because of the beach." "I don't even want to go near a place like that." "Even here in Vitoria it's getting pretty disgusting." " Are you passing through?" " No way." "I'm going to stay and ambush that scumbag." "He must be here somewhere." "Who are you to show such disrespect for authority?" "Let me tell you something, buddy." "I don't like fancy talk." "It's wasted on me." "Certainly, sir." "Thank you for informing me." "You should also know that I hate policemen worse than rabid dogs." " That's your right, sir." " And my name is Frederico Evandro... also known as "The Candlelighter." Want to know why?" " I won't insist on it, sir." " And let's let this bird go." " I don't like to see anyone in jail." " Right away!" "That's why I wear this uniform, to serve the public." "That's a uniform?" "I thought it was a clown costume." "Now everything's going to go wrong." "Don't be so negative, sweetheart." "Everything's great:" "The guy's madly in love, the chick's happy... the smooching is about to start." "When things are going too good and it's only halfway through the movie... it's a sign that things are going to get worse." "Holy Virgin!" "Bulls and cuckolds, we bring'em down by the horns, right?" "Come here, kid." " I want to talk to you." " Are you my father to order me around?" " No." "But I'm from Alagoas and I'm a real man." "You have a problem with that?" "Will our hero survive the threat from the wild beast from Alagoas?" "TO BE CONTINUED..." "Or will he be mortally wounded... and end up six feet under?" "Don't miss the next episode:" ""The Struggles of a Christian Man Against the Devil's Disclple."" "What do you want with me?" "Talk fast, I'm in a hurry." "Wait a minute, kid!" "You saved my life." "I would have died before I ran from that bull." "By Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception, I wouldn't have run." " I saw that." " Listen, boy." "You're a real man." " Did you see this piece in my hand?" " I saw it." "Then you were brave as hell." "You put yourself between a rock and a hard place." "On one side, the bull's horns;" "on the other, my.38." " You could have died two times." " No way, boss." "Death runs an honest business." "He doesn't give you a receipt, but he won't charge you twice." "So you're not just brave, but clever, too." "It's good to owe a favor to a brave man... because he hates to ask for help." "But owing a favor to a clever man is like sleeping with the door wide open." " What do you want in return?" " Nothing." "But thanks anyway." "Don't be shy, kid." "Give me a name... so I can get rid of one of your enemies." "What the hell kind of favor are you offering me?" " You want to kill somebody?" " Each gives what he has." "If I'd learned to be a lacemaker, I'd bring you a set of doilies." "Say a name, kid, take advantage of this liquidation sale." "Good Lord!" "Would you really have the courage to kill one of God's children for no reason?" "Courage?" "No." "I'm just used to it." "Tell me the truth." "Don't you have any enemies?" "Who's the worst one?" "Describe him, tell me his name, decide on the place." " And leave it to me." " Just drop it!" "Go on your way." " You don't owe me a favor at all." " Ask whatever you want, kid." " Forget it!" " It can be a judge." "A prosecutor." "Give me the name, what he looks like and I'll send him to talk with Jesus." "Don't you have enemies?" "Yes, but I want them all alive." "A man should have enemies." "Why would I want to kill them?" "If that's the case, I'd also kill death, cowardice... corrupt police chiefs, old age, disease." "Leave my enemies alive." "Don't touch them." "A crazed bull ran down Market Street, Chief!" " Was anyone hurt?" " No but the place was in an uproar!" " Darn, and I missed it!" " The bull charged right at a guy!" " What guy?" "His name is Frederico Evandro." "After the incident I conducted a thorough investigation." " And the bull?" " His name is Hurricane." " No, I mean did the bull hurt the guy?" " Here comes the best part." "It was like a scene in a movie." "The crazed bull ran right at the man." "Sensing disaster, Frederico Evandro drew his pistol... but he didn't know where to shoot." "Suddenly another man appeared to save him from destruction." "The guy got between him and the bull... held the bull against his chest." "Grabbed it by the horns... and wrestled the beast to the ground." " And then what happened?" " That's not enough?" "What else would you want to happen?" "Oh, I don't know." "A lot of things..." "Poor animal." "I guess I was a little too rough on him." "Gosh!" "Imagine if it had struck somebody!" "That person would feel what I feel... when you look at me that way!" "Excuse me, Sergeant!" "Corporal." "Corporal Citonho at your service." "No way." "You look every bit like a sergeant." " You're too nice!" " Hey, it's a messed-up world!" "A man is never what he was born to be." "You're a corporal but you were born to be a sergeant." "Who am I to..." "But tell me, how can I help you?" "I came to file papers to get a city license." "Consider it "a done deal." The Chief only does what I tell him." "How much do you want for this little bird?" "The one on bottom I'll sell for 7O." "Only if you take the one on top, too." " Really?" "How much is the one on top?" " One hundred." "Come on!" "The one on bottom is the one that sings." "The one on bottom sings, but the one on top is the composer." "I used to sell birds, too." "But my real business was with fighting canaries." " This one is a prairie canary." " You know what that is, don't you?" " Sure I know!" "These canaries... when they fight, raise their tails higher than their wings." "He's already brought in more than fifty cruzeiros." "I see you really like birds." "It's a weakness." "But my real weakness is for women." "Shoot, man!" "That's every man's weakness." "If God made something better than a woman, He kept it for Himself." "Woman was the last thing He made..." " By then He was an expert." " He didn't take out a patent, though." "There are some who could only have been made by the Devil." "And those are the very ones we marry." "But that's so sad!" "I took you for a happily married man!" "Yeah, right, happily married." "My wife is like a parrot." " How's that?" "Is she green?" " No, but she never stops talking." "From morning to night, like a radio." "Besides that, she's eating me out of house and home!" "I never saw anyone eat so much chicken." "Pretty soon she's going to turn into one." "Stop playing the innocent maiden, tell the truth, man!" "What you want is to have another woman on the outside." "Oh, darn you." "I already have one!" " Is she pretty?" " Of course..." "Ugly women and buzzards I drive away with a stick." "But unfortunately, I'm not able to enjoy her." "But I have an elixir that will make you crow like a rooster." "Shoot, kid, that's not it." "In fact, it's just the opposite." "I have the girl, what I need is the opportunity." "It's the Chief, he doesn't want me to bring her to the station." " Then take her to your house." " You're crazy." "What about my wife?" "Exactly!" "She throws you out of the house... you'll be left with just one woman, and the Chief will let you stay here." "Hey, man, that's true." "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." "You got it." "And it's about this subject of women that I want to talk to you, Sergeant." " At your service." "Do you know the police chief's daughter?" "Miss Lisbela?" "I knew she would have a beautiful name." "Don't get excited." "You don't have a chance with her." " Can you take a message to her?" " That I can't do." "The Chief is an animal!" "She's a decent girl and on top of that, she's engaged." " We'll see!" " A fiance like him is a punishment." " And the fool acts like he's from Rio." "He was born in Cabrobo, but just because he spent a month... in Rio de Janeiro, he goes around talking in that singsong accent." "But he's got a lot of dough, and he sucks up to the Chief." "Don't drive your car down that road, son, you'll get stuck." "It's too late." "I'm already hooked." "Since the first time I saw her in her white dress... with a pink bow in her hair." "What a lovely sight." "I keep thinking that I was born... for something as great as this." "I know she felt it, too." "I feel it in my blood... and in the way she looks at me." "What I have to do is talk to her again, and everything will work out." "Come to her gently and introduce myself..." "Leleu Antonio da Anunciacao your servant." " Nice to meet you." "I'm Lisbela." "I came to return this bow you lost at the amusement park." "Oh, thank you." "Now you know me and I know you." "But we still don't know each other together." "So I figured we should take a walk to get to know each other better." "I'm sorry, but I'm engaged." "Do you want to be a movie actress?" "Well, my dear, I'm not even American, how can I be an actress?" "Well, my dear, haven't you ever heard of Brazilian actresses?" "Yes, but a really beautiful love story, only these American movies..." "But when the heroine is Brazilian it is better, the kiss comes translated." "Stop it, I didn't give you permission to act like a fool." "You're sweet like the rain... that suddenly falls during the worst heat of the summer." "Lovely... as the wind blowing across the prairie." "Miss Lisbela... to me you are like the flag of Brazil." "A really big flag." "Leleu Antonio da Anunciacao is the flagpole for you." " I must be going crazy!" " And I must be dreaming." " Now it's time to wake up." " Why wake up?" "Let's watch the end of the movie." "I bet it has a happy ending." "Better not, Leleu." "Stories like ours usually end badly." "Ours will never end." "The more love I feel, the more there is to be felt." "It will end one day." "Are you saying you never loved another woman before?" "I always loved all of them at the same time." "This is the first time I'm in love with just one, and now it's forever." "My life fits into yours, Miss Lisbela... and now everything in my life finally makes sense." "I shouldn't tell you this, but I'm falling for you completely:" "My heart gets weak, my legs wobble, my palms are sweaty." "It scares me." "It scares me, too." "But I'm not afraid of being scared." " What's my life going to be, Leleu?" " Whatever you want to make of it." "I don't know..." "I mean, I know, but it's not right..." "But I have the right to know." "Can I come back here to see you?" "A river of tears!" "But don't you know that I'm engaged?" "The flames of passion!" "And will you still have the heart to marry him?" "A whirlwind of emotions!" "What do you want me to do?" "Don't miss the next episode of "A Shattered Heart."" "I told the Chief to sign the license." "You're free to go on with your business." "My life is turning around, Corporal." " I want to take advantage of my luck." " Did you play the lottery?" "Yes, but it was the lottery of love." "The results will be announced today." "Let's go, sweetheart... or you'll complain about missing the beginning of the movie." "If you don't mind, I'd rather go alone." "Of course I mind." "You made a date with me." "I was up all night trying to decide my future... even though I knew it was already determined." "It was like tossing a coin in the air... and watching it land always on the same side." "Like betting on a fixed roulette wheel... that always stops on the same number." " Like a deck of marked cards." " What are you talking about?" " What deck?" "What wheel?" " The wheel of love." " And you lost, Douglas." " How could I lose if I wasn't even playing?" " That's just it." "You didn't even play." "And Leleu bet all his chips." " What about the wedding?" " Cancel it." " And the gifts?" " Return them." " And my suit?" " Have it altered." "You're trading me for that ape?" "My life fits perfectly into his." "At this moment, Corporal, my luck is spinning on the wheel of fate." "Careful, Leleu, with Miss Lisbela the first prize is jail." "The worst prison is to live far away from her." "Hey!" "It looks like the first prize has arrived early." "And I bet it came with a pink bow in its hair." "What pink bow?" " You didn't get it?" " No." "The pink bow I sent you as a present." "Did you miss me?" "I couldn't stand it, Gloria." "Who's Gloria?" "I'm Inaura, you second-rate gigolo." "Don't I know that?" "I meant that you're the glory of my life." "I'm crazy about you, Inaura." "I wouldn't trade you for anything." "You don't have to trade me." "I'm crazy about you, too." "Good, so tell me where you're living and I'll come by later to see you." " But I came to live with you!" " You did?" "Yes, and was it ever hard to find you." " Now I'll never leave you." " Aren't you being a little hasty?" "Love is like jumping off a cliff." "We jump and pray we never hit the ground." " Inaura, think it over so you won't regret it later." " Hey!" "Where do you want me to go?" "I gave up everything to be with you." "If I go home, my husband kills me." "But if he catches me with you, he'll kill me, too!" "So what!" "He was going to do that anyway." "Chief!" "I need to have a little chat with you." "It's about something terrible that happened to me... to a friend of mine... who thinks he's been cuckolded." "At your service, Douglas." "Let me emphasize that I only have a theoretical knowledge of the subject." "On this topic, I prefer to be ignorant." "And I'm immune." "Do you think a man can be cuckolded before he gets married?" "It can happen." "It's called premature cuckolding." "A man can even be cuckolded after his wife dies." " That's belated cuckolding." " Yeah." "The pain of a broken heart is the worst there is... they say." "Worse than being a cuckold is hearing all the comments." "But if no one finds out, is that really a problem?" "Usually the opposite happens." "Everyone knows about it and the cuckold is always the last to find out." "And when the guy finds out, what's he supposed to do?" "It depends on which category of cuckold he belongs to." "There's the atheist cuckold, who knows but doesn't believe." "There's the meek cuckold, who knows but does nothing." "There's even the conceited cuckold, the guy who's proud of being one." "Golly!" "There are more kinds of cuckolds than saints' days on the calendar." "But what do you think a man should do... when he discovers he's been cuckolded?" "He has to kill the guy who put the horns on him." "And what if this fellow doesn't have the guts to kill?" "That's the worst category there is." "That's the cowardly cuckold." "Then the guy has to hire a real man to do the job." "Give me one for the road, add up my tab... and cut me some slack, because I'm taking off." "I'm heading for Recife to find that lousy bastard." "Can I talk with you for a minute?" "I wouldn't advise it, kid." "My liver's in a bad mood today." "I've got a situation here that could be a job for you." "I'm on vacation, taking care of some personal business." " I can pay you very well." " For me to give up my vacation you'd have to pay a premium." " Money's no problem." "I've got plenty." "Name your price." "The price goes according to the suffering." "Is it for a beating or a killing?" " Both." "First you pound him, then you slaughter him." " It's going to cost you a lot." " I told you money isn't a problem." "This beating, how do you want it?" "Is it a matter of ripping out... his eyeballs and guts and breaking his bones?" "Or just the traditional punishment with a sassafras stick?" "Sassafras is the best tea in the world for bruises." "To save time, we give the beating with the sassafras stick... because it supplies the punishment and the cure at the same time." "I want the most expensive beating you have." "And the death, how do you want it?" "A slow death, very painful... or a quick death, from fright?" " The most expensive." " The slow death costs the most... because if it's done right, it takes almost all day." "Now you're talking, friend!" "Tell me the name of the deceased, so I can send the widow a telegram." "Leleu Antonio da Anunciacao." "He works at the amusement park." "That kind of guy loves life and takes a long time to die." " I'll have to charge you extra." " But this is robbery!" " Are you calling me a thief?" " Absolutely not!" "It's just a way of speaking." "It'll cost you ten percent more for insulting me." "I'll pay it." "Can I pay on the installment plan?" "What you've given me so far is the down payment." "The rest is due in two parts:" "One the day of the funeral... the other at the seventh-day mass." "You didn't tell me there was another woman." "It was after I met you." "I forgot how easily you fall in love." " This time it's true love." " So with me it was a lie." "I didn't know what real love was." "I always knew my love for you was real." "And what about her?" " She wants to be with me, too." " But I love you more than she does... because I want to be with you even knowing you don't want to be with me." "So run away with me." "Frederico is coming after us to kill us." "I'd rather stay here and die." "But I'd rather you run away and live, otherwise I'll die with you." "Giving up true love, Inaura, is the same as dying." "It's not the same." "You only die once... but love can be born again." "She's the only one I'll ever love." "There is no other." "But you're going to have to forget that girl." "How can I forget Lisbela?" " Frederico!" " No, let's not bother Frederico..." "Frederico is there outside!" "He's found us!" "Damn, I never thought an ape could be a ghost." "Chief, I request permission to go to the movies." "Permission denied." "You have to play the call to quarters." "But does it have to be at the same time as the serial, Chief?" "That's the rule and I'm a stickler for rules." "You may find another man just as demanding as I am." "But more demanding?" "Not a chance." "Did I ever tell you my story about Nogueira's Elixir?" " About a hundred times." "No matter, a subordinate's duty is to listen to stories over and over again." "After four years of marriage with my wife... may God keep her in His glory, I had no children." "Then I was told, "Mr. Lima, it's syphilis." "What you have to do is treat the syphilis." Do you know what I did?" " No, sir." " I drank eighty-four bottles... of Nogueira's Elixir, until my wife got pregnant." " Good medicine, huh!" " The best." "Did you think that Nogueira was a family name?" " Isn't it?" " Not at all, boy!" "But I named my daughter Lisbela de Nogueira e Lima... in honor of Nogueira's Elixir." "That's just how I am." " Wait, wait!" " We're getting out of here!" " It's time for the serial." " This is no time to watch a movie!" "Lisbela waits for me at the theater." "At least let me tell her goodbye." " You got here at the very end." " Lots of suspense?" "A lot." "All I could think about was if you would come." "I had a last-minute appointment." "What about your fiance?" "I asked him not to come because I thought you were coming." " And didn't I come?" " Yes." "But from the look on your face, you won't be coming back again." "Think about it, Lisbela." "Are you going to give up everything just so we can be together?" "I'll give up everything I have." "Now, if we're going to be together, it's for you to say." "We shouldn't rush into it." "Love is like jumping off a cliff." "You think you're flying, but maybe you're just falling." "It's too late." "I've already jumped, Leleu." "I already know." "You came to tell me you're leaving." " Who told you?" " It's just like in the movies." "The girl is anxiously waiting for the hero... and finally they meet." "He comes closer and she thinks he's going to kiss her... but then she sees that something is bothering him." "She's stupid, the poor thing, and even tries to tell him she loves him." "But the hero keeps changing the subject... which is a sign that he has already rehearsed what he's going to say and isn't even listening to her." " Lisbela." "There's no need to say anything else... because everyone already knows the girl is going to be left behind." " Look, Lisbela..." " Oh yes, there's another part." "He says that it's not what he wants, he must take care of his sick mother... or he has to go off to war, or some other act of God... that leaves us feeling sorry for him, that I'd prefer not to know now." "Because either it's a lie... or I'll go on loving you even more." "Time to go, Leleu." "See?" "It was a lie." "I'm sorry, Lisbela, I have to run away with this girl." " An act of God." " It's a matter of life or death." "I understand." "It's her life and my death." "She's going to think I don't love her." "And I'm going to think you love me." "It's better to leave both of us under an illusion." "Why does God keep twisting my fate?" "So your fate will be joined with mine, see?" "God writes straight with crooked lines." "Ah, but if you're good, God will help you." "Oh, He's helping a lot, putting the most vicious man in the Northeast on your trail." " What if I faced Frederico?" "It would save your life, my life, and Lisbela's." "It would be easier to face a crazed bull." " Hey, I already faced that bull." "Wait." " Are you crazy, Leleu?" "I just remembered a brave man I saved from a crazed bull." "He swore to pay me back by getting rid of one of my enemies." "Do you think he'll keep his promise even if the enemy is Frederico?" "In a second." "That guy will kill and die for me." " Are you crying because of the movie?" " I'm crying because of my life." "Oh, you're crying for the ape." "The movie of my life was a flop." "Leleu is dead to me." "Soon he'll be dead to himself, too." " What are you going to do, Douglas?" " What a man is supposed to do." "Just forget about it." "To remember the past is to suffer twice." "Doesn't work, honey." "If we were in Rio de Janeiro, okay." "I would get plastered, slap you around, and everything would be fine." "But here in the Northeast, I have to act like a man." " And what if you die instead of him?" " Don't worry." "Nothing's going to happen to me." "Look, Leleu is leaving." "Nobody knows what happened." "It was a bad movie, that's all." "We walked out in the middle." "That's right, sweetie." "Let's get back to our little love story." " Promise you won't do anything?" " Promise." "Don't worry." "The guy who's going to kill him is Frederico Evandro." "He's got more than thirty killings to his name." "Hey man, listen, I'm not one to go back on my word... but I've changed my mind about that revenge you promised me." "And you told me you wouldn't kill an enemy." "But this is a case of kill or be killed." "I mean, you kill and I run away." "You came at a good time." "I just postponed a job and I'm itching for work." "Perfect, boss." "I just got away from the guy and that's why I came to ask you for help." " I'm ready!" "Tell me the guy's name." "Now he's got two enemies." "I only saw him from pretty far away, but I know he's a cowardly cuckold... who goes around pretending he's tough." "He has a ridiculous name like a nightclub singer:" "Frederico Evandro." " You know him?" " I've heard of him." "They say he's so brave, he'd suck on a tiger's teats." "Only if it's a dead tiger." "If the guy was really tough, do you think I'd still be alive... after messing around with his wife's upholstery?" " I don't think so." " Right!" "Has anyone here ever heard of a brave cuckold?" " On top of that, he is from Boa Vista!" " That's where real men come from." "No way, man!" "Maybe the guys from there aren't queer yet... but they've already got their beginner's permits." "Shoot!" "I heard they took a pigeon and told it..." ""Fly over Boa Vista, and when you find a man... who's not a cuckold, you can stop." The poor bird flew until it died." "Just leave the job to me." "I can't wait to see the guy laid out." "I can't guarantee you'll be able to view the body." "I don't need to, I trust you." "Do you have a preference for, so to speak a particular type of death?" " Since he's such a coward... you won't even need to waste a bullet." "When he finds out you're going to kill him, he'll die from fright." "Leleu..." "What do you want from him?" "Look, I know you're the one he loves and I hate it... but I don't want him to die, not for anything in this world... and even less because of me." "So believe it:" "My fiance ordered Leleu killed." "You just want to find out where he is." "You can go warn him by yourself." "Tell him Douglas wants to finish him off and hired a killer... named Frederico Evandro." "He threw his money away, because Frederico Evandro is my husband... and he swore to kill Leleu a long time ago." "That's even worse." "Now he'll kill Leleu twice!" "No, he won't." "Leleu went to get help from a tough guy... he saved from a crazed bull and who swore... to repay him by killing one of his enemies." "Wait a minute, Corporal Citonho told me that story... and the tough guy saved from the bull is Frederico Evandro." "This is terrible!" "Now he'll kill Leleu three times!" "If the guy is like you say... it's the easiest job in the world." "It'll take less time than a rooster takes to come." "Do you have any message to send to the dying man?" "Yeah, I do!" "Tell him not to worry... his widow won't lack for anything." "It's guaranteed by Leleu Antonio da Anunciacao... better known as Leleu "The Ladies' Man"." "Then it's as if the message has already been delivered." "It's guaranteed by..." "Frederico Evandro, better known as "The Candlelighter"." "Frederico Evandro?" " That's you?" " Since I was a baby." "And you can start commending your soul to the Devil, you lousy bastard." "So many good things in life, so many beautiful women in the world... and here I am about to die." "Don't worry about it." "You'll never know what hit you." "I provide express service." "There's no hurry, pal." "Stop, in the name of the law!" "Daughter, show me the dirty filthy heretic... who tried to seduce you!" " It was that one there, father." " Miss Lisbela!" "This is what happens to filthy scum like you!" "You're under arrest for seducing a minor." "Take me now, quick!" " Frannie!" " Hi!" "I'm coming!" "Prepare yourself for some amorous combat, while the enemy... is occupied elsewhere." "Now you've become shameless once and for all!" "Yes, we have, sir, because Citonho left the other woman." "Now we are without any shame whatsoever." "I can see that!" "Show some semblance of shame... and go be shameless in your own house if you want to." "But I gave up my house so we could live here." "Here?" "No." "You can only live in the station if you get married." "Oh, that's nothing, we'll get married, right?" "I can't, sweetie, I'm already married." " With a license and everything?" " Yes... but the license is already turning yellow." "Yeah?" "Yellow like you, you little coward." "Easy, my love, I'll find a way for you to be my wife." "You will?" "That's good... because if you don't, I'll find a way to be your widow." "Corporal Citonho, put this man in the saddle." "Why do I need a saddle?" "Are we going on horseback?" "It's a nickname. "The saddle" is the cell in the middle." "This is why the police make me puke." "The way they coddle criminals these days." "Easy, fellow." "He can't run, and he can't hide." "You've got him." "How can I get him if I can't get inside?" "Wait till my wedding day." "It'll be easy then." "It can be your gift to the groom." "So now you see, Leleu, neither the honey nor the honeypot!" "I gave up one woman and got banned from the other." "Isn't there a way to get the first one back?" "I can't stand that one any more." "It's Cicinho do this, Cicinho do that." " Who the hell is Cicinho?" " That's me." "Just lately... my wife got the crazy idea to end her sentences halfway through." "She'll say, "I'm going to stop eating beef jerky, Cicinho." "Ask me why." And I have to ask, "Why?" And then she tells me." "Who can stand it, Leleu?" "That's why I'm dying to switch." "But where can I find a priest who'll marry me if I'm already married?" "Cicinho, that project will cost you about thirty cruzeiros." " Ask me why." " Why?" "Because I belong to a church that's more modern than the Catholic Church." "It's the Church of Adventists by Faith in the Glorious Body." " Now ask me, so what?" " So what?" "There are no priests in this church." "I mean, everyone who has faith in these beliefs is a priest." "Now ask what's that got to do with me?" " What's that got to do with me?" "If you convert to my church, I can marry you." "Now ask me, what's the money for?" " What's the money for?" " To pay the priest." " I can get the money." "Ask me how." " How?" "Frannie is a very wise woman." "She's saved up about forty cruzeiros." "This Frannie is pure gold." "If she melts, you can make a ring out of her." "For sure." "And have enough left over for a pair of earrings." "Now you see, Leleu." "I tried to warn you not to mess with the girl." "There was no need to arrest me." "Miss Lisbela had already condemned me to live without her." "My dear, how enchanting." "If your mother was alive, she'd cry for joy to see you like this." " Excuse me, Chief..." " Douglas!" "The groom can't see the bride in her gown before the wedding." "And he can't see her naked until after..." "It's a joke." "Chief, I came to suggest an idea... to jazz up the wedding." "Men, I had a great idea that will make my daughter's wedding... even more splendid:" "We're going to organize an honor guard." "Today our battalion will form up at the entrance of the church... to fire a welcome salute to the bride and groom." "Chief, I hate to mention it... but what if that guy from Boa Vista decides to come to the jail today?" "Good thing you remembered, Corporal." "Since you have to be here to play the call to quarters, you can stand guard." "I have to face a tiger like that alone?" "He's the Beast from the Apocalypse." "What's this rebellion, Corporal?" "Are you forgetting your rank?" "Don't you know I'm here to command and you're here to obey?" "Moron." "Miss Lisbela, you're such a beautiful bride." "But I'd really prefer to see you as a widow." "How can you joke at a time like this?" "I can stand anything." "I take life as it comes, easy or hard." "But I almost died of sorrow when you betrayed me." "I only had my father arrest you to save your life." "Douglas told me he ordered you killed..." "You don't have to say any more." "That's a real proof of love." "Love, no." "It's pity." "I felt sorry about you dying and found a way to get you arrested." "It would have been even better if you had run away with that girl!" ""Love is a strange bird:" "It sings but has no pity, and is born without a nest."" "I was about to run away with her, but also out of pity, not love." "To live without you is like living as a dead man." "Why are you this way?" "Why do you always have... to wander around the world and never stay with one woman?" "It's my fate." "I was born in a place called Sao Jose da Coroa Grande." "One day I heard that an airship was going to pass over." "It caused a sensation!" "I must have been about eight." "When I looked..." "I saw such beauty crossing the sky..." "I forgot everything and ran after the light." "I kept running after it... until I got lost." "That's how my life has been... always losing myself chasing after beauty." " And you've ended up locked in prison." " Today I'm behind bars... but I'm meant to live a free life." "I'll find a way to get out of here, soon." "You'll hear about it!" "Because it'll cause a big stink." "I can't run away from my wedding." "We'll never see each other again." "You're not engaged in your heart." "Only by your hand and your words." "That's true, but I gave my word and my hand." "Stay a little longer, Miss Lisbela." "You make me feel at peace." "When I'm alone time passes too slowly." "I can't, Leleu." "It's almost time for the wedding." "Already?" "How quickly time passes when I'm with you!" " That's why I have to hurry." " Stay a little longer." "I swear you won't be wasting your time." "Why?" "It has to end sometime." "No, it doesn't." "We're going to live this moment in a way..." "I'll spend my whole life remembering." "This is our wedding kiss." "No, Leleu." " It was our goodbye kiss." " No." "Don't you know that every romantic movie ends with a kiss?" "I know." "But the lights in the theater have already been turned on." "Now my real life begins." "What the hell!" "Holy crap!" "Leleu, destruction is on the way." "My husband is coming to get you here in the jail." "You scared the hell out of me, Inaura!" "Relax." "I'm under the protection of the brave men of the 33rd Police Brigade." "But there aren't any guards outside!" " God save me!" " What now?" " The only solution is to play dead." " What could be worse?" "Holy Mother of God!" "Everyone wants to kill you." "Not everyone, dear." "Just your husband." "Oh, Leleu!" "I don't know how I'm going to live without you." "Me neither." "I'm going to miss me a lot." "Who told you to go after that girl?" "Now you won't get either one of us." "Miss Lisbela doesn't want anything to do with me any more." "You could really help me out now, okay?" " I don't know if you even deserve it." " Farewell, Inaura." "Okay, okay, okay." "What do I do?" " Go find Corporal Citonho." " Jeez!" "You think that little squirt can stand up to Frederico?" "I need the policeman so I can escape, woman!" "Wait." "What's a policeman for, to arrest you or to let you go?" " He's for us to make a fool out of." " But... isn't he already a fool?" "Oh hell, it broke..." "I had them done yesterday." "Spent all my money." "We're in a bit of a hurry here, Inaura!" "Why didn't I let that bull sink its horns into that scumbag!" " Corporal Citonho!" " What's the emergency, prisoner?" "Everything's ready for your honeymoon with your new wife, Corporal." "But I'm not married yet." "I can marry you to her right now, Sergeant." "But I haven't gotten the thirty cruzeiros yet." "Forget it, Captain." "It's free now." "All you have to do is convert to my church and I can marry you." " Well, then, convert me!" " You're converted." " Just like that?" " Think of it as a simple church..." " And the wedding, how is that done?" " The wedding's over!" "You are already married in the eyes of the Church of Adventists... by Faith in the Glorious Body." "But when did it happen?" "I didn't even notice." "I married you at the same time I converted you." "What I love most about this church is the practicality." "Now come in, make yourself at home with your bride, General Citonho." "Excuse me, Leleu." "I can't feel comfortable making love in front of a priest." "I can wait outside, Admiral." " Thank you." "Okay, father?" " No problem, Mr. President!" "Look... you'll have your cell back in no time." "It'll be over quick." "My torch has been lit for a long time." " What's going on?" " Frannie, it's all taken care of!" " All what, jackass?" " We've already been converted blessed, and married." " Great!" "Now all that's left is to sin." "Inside the police station!" "Have you no shame?" " Don't shoot!" "I'm unarmed!" " I can see that." "What you have between your legs wouldn't hurt a fly." "It was well cocked before, it was the fright that disarmed it." " Who's this woman?" " My wife, sir." "But that's like feeding steak to a worm!" "A weakling like you with a woman of this caliber." " You must have won her in a raffle." " We do what we can, boss." "Where's the scoundrel who was a prisoner in here?" "Isn't he outside?" "If he's not there, he escaped." " Escaped?" "Escaped to where?" " I have no idea." "If he escaped, obviously I don't know where to." "That's understood." "This Leleu is more slippery than a bar of soap." "I will cut off one of his fingers for every time he's gotten away from me." "Get out of my way!" "Come on, Citonho." "All you want to do is talk." "Uh, Frannie, you can lie down for a minute." "I'm going to need... about ten minutes to resume my train of thought." "This is too much, you know?" "Calm down, my child, it'll be over very soon." "That's just it, father." "It doesn't take long, but it will change our life completely." " Finally we can live in peace." " Just to be alive, for me, is great." "Holy cow!" "They've sent the whole army after me." "That's not it." "It's the celebration." " Celebration?" " Of the wedding!" "It's just starting." "My God!" "With you my heart is always pounding, just look!" "When it's not from passion, it's from excitement." "Mine is from both passion and excitement." "You're right." "When you fall in love, you take risks." "That's how life should be lived." "True." "But even for a skirt chaser like me... there comes a time when the heart wants to settle down with someone." "It's because passion is turning into love, darling." " I feel the same way..." " I'm talking about another thing." "I mean, the same thing... but with someone else." "Someone named Lisbela." "I didn't want to say it." "It's just as well you said it." "I preferred to say it myself, so I wouldn't die... from hearing it come out of your mouth." "Miss Lisbela doesn't have your curves... she's not as sexy as you are... but she's the one I'm hooked on." "What do you have to offer her?" "You've already destroyed my life." "But not hers." "She's getting married now." "She'll be a mother, a housewife, she has her whole future ahead of her." "Stay with me, for her sake." "No one loves by proxy, Inaura." "These things can't be explained." "Take the bus to Sao Paulo." "Take it." "Frederico won't find you there." "There, I've done my part by saving your life... now I'm going to find a way to take care of mine, or die alone." "No, wait." "Let me go with you." "She'll never even find out!" "And you really think that will work?" "And you think it's working the other way?" "You can't live without her, and I can't live without you." "I can't let you do it, Inaura." "Even if I could, you would end up hating me." "They say that for every woman who hates a man... that's one less year he has to live." "Then you're already getting near the end." "...magister sanctificare sacrus vox populis..." "Little girl help meum." "Dominis, Dominis." "I got here just in timehum..." "Keep quietum, don't give me awayii... and let's stoppis this weddingum by the Holy Spirito Santi..." "Amen." "Lose that halfwittus, meet me behindus the churcham Spirito Santi..." " Amen." "This smoke is making me dizzy." "Me too." "I'm about to faint." "Give me a bottle of that cuckold-taming rum... and give this guy a shot, because he needs one." "Do you want your coffin to have four handles or six?" "I don't care." "But yours will have to be really long, so your horns will fit." "It would take a monkey a month to gather up all the horns you've worn." "Where have you been all this time?" "I ran after Leleu." "What the hell do you think?" " Haven't you figured it out yet?" " Not yet." "But I'm going to make you bleed very slowly while you explain it to me." "Explain what?" "Passion can't be explained." "Whether I die fast or slow, it's all the same to me." "If you came here to try to make me hate you more... you're just throwing matches on burning fire." "I just came to tell you that Leleu went to the wedding... to find a woman, a certain Lisbela." "Unless you're a complete wimp... she'll go from being a bride to a widow without leaving the church." "I want to die knowing that he's following right behind me." "Living without him is worse than dying." "Since that's what you want..." "I'll do the opposite." "By leaving you alive without him..." "I make two widows for the price of one." "My child, it was just low blood pressure." " It's over now, father." " It's from so much passion, my love." "It's over now, Douglas." "Don't worry, everything is all right." "The ceremony will proceed as usual." "A very emotional day." "I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you... in the name of the bride and groom of course... for the beautiful gifts they've received a marvellous 6O-piece silverware set all coated in silver... and kept in a cute velvet case... given by the Souza Leao family." "The hawk is circling the yard, watch out for your chicks." "Huh?" "Your friend the bear is preparing another hug." "I don't understand a thing you're saying." "Watch your woman, that guy Leleu is coming to steal her!" " The prisoner escaped?" " I'll catch him." "Even if I have to go to hell to get him!" " Corporal Citonho at your service." " Hallelujah!" "I thought I'd have... to wait for Armed Forces Day before you showed your weapon." "Inside the police station!" "Have you no shame, man?" "I can't believe this!" "There must be a hex on this woman's body." " You're the one who takes too long." " Where's the offender?" " He's waiting outside." " Waiting for what, you sad sack?" "For this shameless behavior here in the police station to be finished." "Ah, I'm in really good shape with you here!" "That makes two of us, Chief." "Look at this weasel." "He's always wandering the streets." "I'm just doing my job, sweetie." "I'm a corporal in the police force." "As far as being a real corporal, all you have is the rank." "Don't worry, everything is under control." "The ceremony will proceed as usual." " Chief, Lisbela has run away, too!" " Run away?" " Then they ran away together." " Together?" "What now, Chief?" "This is going to be a huge embarrassment." "Keep making excuses to the guests." "Fortunately everything is in perfect order." "No problems at all, totally calm..." " Did you arrest Leleu again?" " No, Miss." "Are you saying you were going to run off with him?" "I was going with him in name, body, heart, and soul." "But he didn't show up." "Where did you arrange to meet, my child?" "I'm not going to help you catch him!" "That scoundrel tricked you." "Left you waiting by the side of the road like a stray dog." "Everything's totally fine, with ribbons and bows..." " My love!" " It's okay, everything is just fine." "Stay calm, the ceremony will proceed as usual." "I hope you'll all forgive me, but I'm calling off the wedding." "My daughter has gone loony." "You're getting really crazy, Lisbela, really crazy." "Love called me in a different direction, and I followed." "I thought if I didn't go... my whole life would be one of sorrow... the life of one who wanted something with all her heart but didn't get it." "So I went." "I went, and I'll go... every time love calls me, do you understand?" "Like a stray dog, but wearing the crown of a queen!" "I'll be like the statue of the saint, at the front of the procession." "Leleu!" "Men, shoot him before he escapes." "No!" "Keep calm, folks, don't get excited." "I came to turn myself in." "What happened, Leleu?" "Couldn't you make it to our rendezvous?" "I could have." "But I thought it over... and realized that it would be cruel to do that to you." "Miss Lisbela, you don't deserve a life as uncertain as mine." "I have nothing to offer you." "You don't have to keep calling me "Miss."" "To me, you'll always be "Miss."" "To call you by your name alone is disrespectful." "I'm not worthy of it." "Why didn't you leave, man?" "What are you up to, coming back here?" " Don't you get it?" " I came back to die." " To be shot to death." " No." "So Miss Lisbela would know for the rest of her life that I died for her." "It's the last time I'll ask you for anything, father." " Let me go away with Leleu." " Lf you ask me that one more time..." "I'll whip you in front of everybody." " You've really gone bonkers, Lisbela." " Holy Virgin!" "For the very last time, father, let me go with him." "Insolent child!" "Come on in, people." "Welcome." "Make yourself at home." " What do you want, mister?" " It's "sir" to you." "I'm not your friend." "Don't be so familiar." "I'm with you, good buddy, whatever happens." "Talk like a man!" "I'm on your side, sir, I'll stand by you no matter what." "That's good, because I've been known to shoot people at the drop of a hat." "If your business is with him, take care of it quickly and leave us alone." "Father, don't let him kill the man I love!" "Didn't you promise you would kill my worst enemy?" "Promise kept." "I'll kill the Chief first." "No, Leleu, don't let him kill my father!" "But he's not my worst enemy!" "You're my worst enemy because you want to kill me." " You're a smooth talker, kid." "Now to keep your word you'll have to kill yourself." "I'll do what you say because I'm a man of my word." "But in this case, the order of events will alter the result." "So I'll kill you first, because first I swore to put an end to your line." "Then I'll kill myself, since it was only later on that I came to owe you my life." " No!" " Get out of here." "When there's a woman crying it takes the guy longer to die." "But are you going to kill me right here, Frederico Evandro?" "Just so you won't say I'm ungrateful... first I'll drag you out of this pigsty, then I'll kill you." "I swore to avenge my honor, but you're not going to die in a jail cell." "So many good things in life... so many beautiful women in the world and here I am about to die again." "Soon we'll see each other up above." "THE PENULTIMATE EPISODE In the previous episode... the notorious Frederico Evandro was about to shoot Leleu..." "So many good things in life... so many beautiful women in the world and here I am about to die again." "Soon we'll see each other up above." "...but before the killer pulls the trigger..." "Lisbela suddenly appears and shoots Frederico... who falls mortally wounded." "Wow!" "I must be Superman!" " Did the bullet bounce off me?" " My child, you killed a man!" "Miss Lisbela, my flag of Brazil." "But why did you do that?" "Well, he was going to kill himself anyway..." "Our destiny has been decided." "Now there's only one way." "Chief, sir, let her go away with me!" "Now I'm the one who wants to go." "Hey, guy, she's not going with you." "She's my fiancee." "She has to disappear." "You know how these people are." "Someone from the family always shows up to avenge their dead." "She's leaving with me." "It's no problem for me to change my name again, and my profession." " And your woman!" " Stop this idiotic conversation." "I have to save my daughter from prison and from being known as a murderer." " It's such a horrible word." " So, Chief, can she go?" "She has to go." "If she doesn't disappear, sooner or later, someone will show up... to avenge the deceased Frederico Evandro." "If she doesn't go with me, Chief, she'll die." "I'm going anyway." "Beneath the ground or above it, I'm dead without him." "He'll leave you, Lisbela, like he left all the others." "I don't care." "I want the flame of my life to burn like a blazing fire." " I want to go, father." " Go, my child." "Go." "Go!" "And be happy... if you can." "What's this?" "Lisbela's gun still has all the bullets in it!" "Huh!" "So the macho man died from fright?" "FINAL EPISODE In the previous episode... the notorious Frederico Evandro was about to shoot Leleu..." " Again?" " Soon we'll see each other up above." "...at that exact moment Lisbela suddenly appears... ready to defend her beloved." "But before she can pull the trigger..." "Inaura appears and shoots Frederico... who falls mortally wounded." "Wow!" "Have I turned into Superman?" "Inaura, my flag of..." "Pernambuco!" "I don't know how to thank you." "There's no need." "My love for you is free." "Since that time you saved Leleu from Frederico..." "I've been very jealous of your love for him." "And out of jealousy of your love for her..." "I sent Frederico to kill you." "But because the pain I felt was so great..." "I understood that my love was bigger than any jealousy." "You killed your husband to save mine." "Frederico married me, but he was in love with death." "He lived in its grasp." "So I ended up pushing my husband into his lover's arms." "Only I could kill you, Frederico." "And I'm the only one crying over your death." "Now that I've learned to kill, I've gotten closer to you." "Killing is the profession you bequeathed to me." "May God be with you, and Jesus and the Virgin Mary." "Thank God..." "I was able to keep my daughter out of jail... and from being known as a murderer." "It's such a horrible word." "Chief, now that we know that Lisbela didn't shoot the beast... she doesn't have to run away." "I'm going anyway." "Beneath the ground or above it, I'm dead without him." "He'll leave you, Lisbela, like he left all the others." "I don't care." "I want the flame of my life to burn like a blazing fire." " I want to go, ather." " Go, my child." "Go." "And be happy... if you can." "Ugh, that's disgusting." "He's going to get away with this?" "It's no use complaining, kid." "Guys like you never get the girl." "Don't you have any feelings?" "After all that's happened here... you still have the nerve." "To think it's funny?" "I don't want anyone here to think any of this is funny!" " Yes, sir." " Be sad!" "Chief, you know what?" "The tickets are bought, the hotel is reserved..." "I'm taking off for Rio de Janeiro." "Good idea." "Who knows, you might find a wife there, eh?" "Yeah, that's right!" " Girls here are too old-fashioned." " Next time take care not to see... the bride in her bridal gown before the wedding." "It's really bad luck." "The guy who's coming up there, father... was my husband." "If it's true that in death we're all the same, he's like a lot of people." "And now that he's like everyone else, receive Frederico kindly." "After all, if You intended death to be certain... he was just acting as Your assistant." "Who named you Leleu?" "No one." "I made it up myself." "You've had a lot of names, haven't you?" "Manny the Hunk." "Professor Zokhan." "Patrick Mendel." "Ramon Gonzales." "One for each profession, one for every corner of the world..." "I've had a lot of names, too, my dear." " Oooh, my dear." " Ava Gardner, Veronica Lake..." "Rita Hayworth, Lauren Bacall." "But now that I'm with you I feel like I'm in a real movie." "You are!" "Lisbela and the Prisoner." "Our movie will never end." "Wait a moment!" "What happened?" "The best part of a movie is how it ends." "How does this one end?" "Guess." "With everybody watching?" "Only at first, then the movie will end." "Then we better hurry up... because the people already know it's ending... and they might start leaving and quit paying attention to us." "Yes." "But maybe in this theater... there's at least one couple in love who will watch to the very end." "And even after the movie is over... they'll still sit there for a long time... until the theater is completely empty." "And then they'll slowly start moving, as if they're waking up... after dreaming about our story." "I hope they liked it." ""THE END"" "CAPTIONS BY VIDEOLAR"