"_" "Even though he's been in the Nick Cannon Ultra-Max prison for the past eight years, this man has continued to run criminal activities remotely from behind bars." "Seems the only way to stop him is to assassinate him." "But how?" "I'm still talking." "The only one who can get close to him is you, but in order to do that, you're going to have to be imprisoned as a criminal yourself." "You have the stomach for that, Trent?" " Yes, I mean" " I'm still talking." " Sounds like you're asking me" " Still talking." "There's only one last thing-- The man you have to kill is... your father." "Sure." "No problem." "Love it." "Diego!" "♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "♪ oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "Trent, you will fake the assassination of the" "President of the Navy today at San Diego's Annual Garden Party." "Shall we go in?" "I just got your invitation." "Looks like you RSVP'd dead." "Agent Trent Hauser from NTSF:" "SD:" "SUV:!" "Put that gun away, agent Trent Hauser!" "Aah!" "Shot by Trent Hauser!" "President of the Navy!" "No!" "Trent Hauser!" "You've assassinated the President of the Navy!" "You're gonna go to jail for life!" "Wake up!" "Wake up, Mr. President!" "Trent Hauser, you're hereby sentenced to three consecutive life terms for the murder of the President of the Navy." "Make it four." "Order!" "Order!" "Could this elevator be any slower?" "Remember Chandler?" "From Friends?" "All right, Mr. President, this is where we'll be laying low for a week, until Trent kills his father." "What the hell is this?" "!" "This is a total crap hole!" "Um, sir, this is a suite in a four-star hotel." " This is" " Four stars?" "I'm sorry." "Did you say four stars?" "You expect me to live in a four-star hotel?" "What do you think I am, some kind of animal?" "!" "Five-star Michelin-diamond quality!" " You okay?" " What the hell is this?" "!" "Is this where I'm supposed to sleep or take a dump?" "Oh!" "Hey, everybody!" "Let's give the President of the Navy a garden view!" "I'm supposed to have a pool view." "Everybody knows I like to stand at the window and masturbate." "Real people!" "Not birds and trees." "What's this?" "Silver!" "Grandmas, cutlery, and whorehouses!" "That's all silver's good for." "I hope you're happy." "I'm out of here." " Hey, this wasn't my" " You shut up!" "What?" "The whole world thinks you're dead." "If you leave this room, I calculate Trent Hauser will be killed in prison." "Oh, really?" "Well, let me calculate how much I'm gonna smash in your plastic head." "Screw you, space dildo!" "Don't let him make love to me." "I know that's what he wants." "Somebody wanted to see you." "Dad?" "Oh, my son." "That's daddy gutting somebody with a hunting knife." "And who's that?" "That's a grade-A scumbag." "Alphonse." "Good." "It's father's day today." "That means it's the one day of the year that Trent has custody of our boys." "But Trent's undercover in prison." "Exactly." "That's why I'm putting you in charge of Cherokee and Jericho for the next 24 hours." "Father's day means mother's got the day off." "Okay." "We'll be fine." "You enjoy your day off." "All right, you two" "My son, Trent" " Trent Jingles." "It's..." "Hauser now." "I changed it." "Ashamed of your old man?" "No." "Sounded too Christmas-y." "Worst thing about being stuck in here is I didn't get a chance to tell you I was sorry." "Now you're sorry." "I squandered so many years blowing up orphanages and nursing homes." "The true joy of life was my own little boy." "These are your drawings from when you were a child." "You kept them?" "Best view on Earth." "A window to the little boy I-I once had and-- and I lost." "There, there." "Do not cry." "Baby Jingles." "Baby Hauser." "No, no, no!" "Sir, please just relax." "What's this?" "Those are blackout curtains." "Can you see me?" "!" "Yeah." "Then it's not blackout!" " No, I" " I like to make love-- aggressive love-- and when I do, I don't want everybody watching me, okay?" "I'm kind of a private man." "Yeah." "Well, well." "Looky there." "Treats, everybody!" "52% cacao!" "What am I?" "!" "An animal?" "!" "You think I'm some kind of dog?" "!" "You!" "Bring your dumb blue eyes over here and scan this for semen, 'cause it's covered in it." "I'm not equipped for that." "Let me tell you something, Sam-- I've lived a long time." "I've been all around the world, and I've seen some things that no man should see." "But not until this very moment did I ever know what Anne Frank felt like." "And, uh, this is the day room." "What the hell are they doing?" "Putting together a puzzle." "Anything can be turned into a weapon, so we have to play games in our minds." "Hey!" "Want to play some cards?" "I deal." "You have any 8's?" "Go fish." "You know, son-- in a way, this has become a-a blessing." "Got any 3's?" "Go fish." "I'm getting out of this place." "I tattooed our cellblock on my arm." "There's the front door." "There's the back door." "Just walk down this hallway right out." "I don't deserve to be out." "I've done some terrible things." "I'm content to pay my debt to society." "And now you're here." "Everything's coming up roses." "Got any 9's?" "How did you know?" "Look out!" "He's got a marble!" "Anything can be a weapon." "Watch your back." "You call these girls escorts?" "Neither one of them has done Cirque Du Soleil!" "Kove?" "!" "How's prison treating you, agent Hauser?" "What the hell?" "I can't arouse suspicions, so I have to act like I'm abusing you while we talk." "Okay, Hauser!" "Uh, you're gonna take what I give you, and you're gonna like it!" "You've been slacking." "I got you put in the same cell with your old man, and you still haven't killed him." "He's actually a really nice guy." "Don't get sucked in, Trent." "He's a master criminal." "You must kill him!" "Well, it's not gonna be easy." "Use this." "Poison enough to kill over 50 kittens." "It's been tested." "Is that strong enough?" "50 kittens is like 25 pounds." "Okay, Hauser." "I'm finished with you." "You better hope I'm in a better mood the next time I see you." "Thanks, Kove." "Great pep talk." "Mr. President, you can't sleep all day." "Mr. President?" "I'm free!" "Freedom!" "They'll never catch me!" "Aah!" "Damn it!" "I reversed the needle." "How did you know?" "You're my son." "The only possible reason you could be here was on assignment to assassinate me." "So you knew about the poison?" "Oh, yeah." "And that same poison that was meant for me is now traveling through your thumb and into your bloodstream." "Except for the fact that I'm wearing thumb protectors." "Of course you are, which is why, when you weren't looking, I grabbed this." "Which is why I have the real poisons in this!" "I was so proud of you, son." "Like father, like done." "All these years, I hated Huck Jingles, but after coming face to face with him, I realized he's the father I never had, never wanted, and now can't live without." "That was your true mission, Trent-- to come to terms with your father." "Your unresolved issues were getting in the way of your work." "I sent you there to make peace with your father." "I know, and I did-- right before I killed him." "Happy father's day, Trent." "Father's day..." "No, I was supposed to have custody of" "Jericho and Cherokee today." "I let them down." "Oh, Trent-- it's never too late to be a father." "Hey!" "♪ Brushing off the dust for someone else ♪" "♪ cornered to the cusp of someone else ♪" "My plan worked perfectly." "I allowed my son to think he killed me with the placebo, then" "I lowered my heartbeat to simulate death." "I gambled they'd want to autopsy and take me to the outside, and here I am." "I totally have no idea what you're talking about." "Shh, shh, shh." "Aah!" "Look at it!" "Cacao!" "Whoo!" "Look at it!" "Five-star Michelin-dia" "Fi-five-star Michelin-diamond." "This is-- this is crap!" "Ohh!" "Cirque Du Soleil!" "Ugh!" "Oh, my God." "Ca-ca-ca-cacao!" "I'm a man!" "I like to stand at the wind" "Stand-stand at the window and masturbate!"