"we talked very little about autism and even less of diagnostic." "she isn't in possession anymore of all her faculties." "Her name is Sabine" "ok?" "Can you keep on watching it alone?" "hello Julie!" "Sabine?" " Do you want to come with us?" "To the animals?" " Yes?" "Yes." "you have to put your shoes on." "I don't do the gardening?" "Be careful... honeybee?" "Give to Coba." "it's good?" "Do you want to brush them?" "No..." "You don't want to brush them?" "Can I have a break?" "We're going to finish taking care of them and then you'll have the break." "You give it?" "Olivier." "We're gonna take care of the chicken" "Please." "here." "let's go." "Can I have now the break?" "now." "it will be easier." "Sabine." "you remove the base..." "Can I have the break?" "you put everything together and then you have a break." "Sabine is allowed to have a break." "Sabine is one year younger than I." "my parents were unable to evaluate her condition." "she lives with us." "Her special behavior doesn't prevent her from sharing our games." "as they are called at that time." "Sabine can do a lot of things." "She learns amongst others to read and to write" "brothers and I." "But her difference is poorly perceived." "She is fast nicknammed by the pupils "Sabine the crazy"." "The others' mockery makes her violent toward herself." "scratches her face and undresses in the schoolyard." "she isn't at school anymore." "we'll dance like that..." "Rock style... she doesn't leave home anymore." "She stays there till the age of 27." "Sabine is very creative." "She makes beautiful rag dolls." "She knits jumpers for the whole family. which she carefully studies in her room." "She has a passion for music." "I buy her a piano." "She takes some lessons with a teacher who comes home." "Bach and composes a melody that she calls "The path of France"." "Audrey?" "Yes?" "It's nearly over the gardening?" "I think that you'll have time to get up and hoe the soil a little." "Don't you think?" "No." "come on." "you're going to help us load the wheelbarrow after." "No." "No!" "we're going to bring the wheelbarrow." "what is the activity you are doing now?" "Stay lying down in the grass." "it's not the activity." "flies are settling on you." "What is the activity?" "It's gardening." "you're going to stand up a little bit now you had your break." "You are going to sit up quietly." "we can keep on with gardening." "Ok?" "Olivier went to take the wheelbarrow." "we'll help him put inside it the weeds you uprooted." "we can go to the small garden where are the aromatic herbs and go smell them and go taste them." "This is also a part of the job to enjoy." "Sabine?" "Sabine." "come on." "isn't this better when we stand up?" "you're going now... let's go?" "I help you." "Give me your hands." "One..." "Two..." "Come on you have to help me too." "it's not going to work." "stand up!" "miss!" "you push with your legs?" "we're not going to go anywhere like this." "You have to help me." "stand up." "no." "You're tired?" "Sabine?" "No." "Olivier?" "you don't eat it." "It fell on the floor." "Here we are." "You want an other toast?" "Sandrine?" "Yes." "Yes?" "Please." "look." "Everything's ok." "Sabine." "Do you want to sit elsewhere?" "Where do you want to eat?" "Where do you want to eat?" "she's filming." "They ate at the restaurant." " You stop this?" "Feel better?" "No." "no..." " Sabine!" "it's gross!" "I don't agree with that!" "ok?" "like this." "You'll settle here." "everything's fine." " Sandrine!" "finish your dish." "it changes places a bit." "And you can tell now just to Angélique what you did this morning." "So you have paid a visit to Caroline." "And then where did you go?" " To buy my soap and my shampoo in Champion." "And some Tagadak Strawberries." "yummy!" "Did you buy them for me?" "did you buy them for me?" "you piggy!" "Are you hiding?" "We are going to Juignac." "The village of Juignac." "And then we'll come back." "We walk around in the village and then we come back home." "Jessica." "And then we come back." "yes." "Everything's fine?" "Yes and you?" "It's Sabine's sister." "Yes." "It's not the first time you see her?" "Why?" "Sabine?" "What are we seeing here?" "sorry?" "What are we seeing?" "The day after tomorrow you come to see me?" "yes" "Come on!" "Sandrine?" "Olivier." "It's alright." "Olivier?" "You eyes are spinning around." "You're looking at the sky?" "No." "What are you looking at then?" "The sky." "We are going to be eaten by a dog." "It's alright?" "You want to sit a bit before going or it's fine?" "he fell flat on his face!" "Stephane held him." "I think i begin to be fed up." "well yes... it's also a bit tiring for you maybe." "You have the right also to be fed up." "Olivier." "You see me tomorrow?" "Sabine. you'll tell that you come to see me tomorrow?" "yes." "You want us to help you raise?" "don't you?" "don't you?" "2..." "Off you go !" "It's ok?" "She's gone Elisabeth." "Because now we're on a walk and Olivier just had 5 seizures in a row." "you fell flat to know..." "To come and pick him or else..." "You go Gladys?" "yeah." "...and I wait here with Olivier." "ok." "You'll be able to go or you want to stay here?" "let's turn around!" "What did you do this week-end?" "what I did this week-end?" " Yes." "You don't remember?" "Didn't you play video games?" "there we go." "plus the guitar." "Wow." "one more!" "Sabine is very close to her brothers and sisters" "But step by step life makes us all leave the family home." "She stays alone with our mother in the Paris region." "We come and visit her often." "My sisters and I often organize outings for her." "I convince my mother that she is able to take the train and the metro to come visit us in Paris." "Sabine is self-sufficient." "She gets around alone." "She even rides a moped." "Our regular meetings do her good." "full of life." "We sometimes go on trips and one day I make her dream come true." "America." "Can I ask you something?" "It's for sure that tomorrow you come visit me?" "it's for sure." "You're going to leave soon?" "Not right now." "And so now we are in your room?" "What is there in your room?" "Where are all your things?" "I can see that you have your big doll." "your pictures and stuff in your room?" "In the trunk." " And why are they in the trunk?" " Cause I'm afraid I could damage them." "And you look at them from time to time?" "Yes." "with which you used to sleep?" "You remember this rag doll?" "That cried and that laughed?" "Yes." "She is up here at the very top." "And why is she up here this doll?" "Because I was afraid to put her in the bucket." "Are you going to leave soon?" "Not right now right now." "And what do you do in the evening?" "At what time do you eat for instance?" "oh yes?" "And then what do you do?" "I eat and I wait till 9 to go to bed and I go sleep at 9." "And after 9 you don't get out of your room anymore?" "I'm locked." " Why do they lock you?" " So I don't beat." "It's you who ask to be locked?" "Yes." "And since when do you ask to be locked?" "It's been years." "But since when exactly?" "I don't know anymore." "Is it since the hospital or was it before?" "I don't know anymore." "you remember." "It's really sure that you'll come see me tomorrow morning?" "that's for sure." "You don't remember when it began for you to get locked?" "isn't it?" "Before you were not being locked?" "So it's since the hospital?" "It's reassuring for you to be locked?" "I want to ask you a question." "ok?" "eh?" "what blackmail is that!" "but then it's you who answer." "Ok?" "It's really sure that you come visit me tomorrow morning?" "that's really for sure." "now it's your turn to answer to me." "Only one more time and I swear than after I listen to you." "Ok." "It's for sure that you come see me tomorrow morning?" "don't worry." "I swear." "I promise." "So now let's go." "Your turn." "now it's my turn to ask questions." "What if we talk about something else?" "New-York for instance." "Do you remember how we went to New-York?" "We took a plane!" "Sabine goes to New-York." "With the Concorde." "you see?" "actually." "you see." "it's because it goes fast." "actually." " Did you see how little houses are?" "Yes." "do you know?" "America..." "We are arriving in New-York... in America" if you want." "in the end." "we arrived in New-York..." " She says it's 8:45. 8:45 of the morning." " Don't you set your watch?" "no?" "I'd like to see 7 AM at French time." "To think that there it's daylight at 7 AM." "...that we'll have the pleasure to see you soon on Air France airlines and especially on the Concorde." "Sabine?" "So what do you say?" "It makes me feel weird to come abroad." "In a foreign country... go ahead." "So where are we now?" " America - yep." "And what time is it?" "5 till 3." "And here 5 till 9." " Yeah." "Sabine?" "isn't it?" "I will ask you a question." "I'll stay long with you till 7?" " Mmhmm we have all we need." " Sandrine!" " Sandrine!" "you'll stay with me untill 7?" "Sabine." " Huh?" " yes." " Huh?" " yes." " Huh?" "Sabine." "Don't prepare it." " Sabine!" "Sabine?" "swimming !" "Yeah!" "what's happening?" "I'm afraid that Sandrine won't stay long with me." "What did she tell you?" "That she would stay untill 7." "you said you trusted her." "you know that." "Mister." "we're gonna go this way." " Hello!" " Hi!" " One ticket." " Yes." " And there's..." "Mister!" "Sabine." "Say hello!" "Mister." " Hello." "isn't it?" "Mister." "he is just behind you." "ok." "What did you just say?" " That I'm in the country of the 31." " Go on." "I am so happy!" "listen." " My Bibine?" " No." "look." "Sabine!" "kneel down." "You're all bent." "Here we are!" "So?" "Isn't life beautiful?" "Go fuck yourself!" "Go fuck yourself!" "that's a lot of dust!" "That's a lot of dust in the piano!" "that's really possible." "It's really possible." "there's dust." "My my... gosh!" "that's it." "Olivier was born with a problem..." "He has a cerebral-motor disability..." "And..." "At the beginning... we found out quite fast etc." "And the epilepsy problem he is now suffering from appeared around 12 as it often does for the cerebral-motor handicaped." "And he had to take a treatment and unfortunately he nevertheless has seizures very frequently" "And that's why he's wearing a helmet etc." "he takes medecine?" " Yes." "He takes anti-epileptic drugs that are... very strong." "a saturday morning i couldn't." "one hour and a half I had to lay down." "I slept till the afternoon of the next day." "Like a stone." "the only thing I could do was sweeping or..." "I couldn't neither read or watch TV." "So I had a glimpse of what it's doing to them." "I just took the morning one." "I don't know till when I'd have slept." "it explains their slowed down behavior." "I realized that even to the intellectual abilities" "I couldn't..." "I wasn't able to understand the TV." "I was..." "So did you have a lot of problems to find a structure?" "For there are a lot of parents who are in the difficulty to find a place for their children.." "because when he was at the I.M. Pro..." "We have to take care of it a very long time ahead... a Medico-Professional Institute... a walk we are going to do a ride on a truck." "We're going to have a tour with the truck." "Super!" "This is great!" "I am being interviewed." "that's nice." " That's sweet." "this is the parent's main preoccupation..." "That is to say that the patient management unfolds relatively well until their twenties." "there is no more obligation of managing..." "And the parents find themselves with their children or young adults home." "So you have to find places and it's very very difficult." "So it's true that there a serious lack at this level since he is 12 we've been worrying about what he'll become at 20" "And now our worry is to know what he will become in his old days." "So..." "Because now he is 30... and those who are with him are in the same situation." "after?" "yes." "Well..." "It's..." "It's permanent..." "I think that..." "We feel responsible even though everyone demonstrates..." "And yet I have a scientific education so I was able to understand it" "I..." "I feel always culprit." "I believe that your whole life you feel... culprit." "yes?" "Yes." "Sometimes yes." "but sometimes she can be smart alec sometimes." "Sometimes she can be smart alec." "Sometimes..." "I can get beaten also." "And do you defend yourself?" "You can not let her do... sabine!" " Catch it?" "Yes." "sorry." "Sabine is all tanned." "Me too." "I brushed my hair." " Yeah... braggart!" " What?" " Braggart!" " Why do you say I brag?" " With your hair." "its..." "A little?" "it means feeling superior." "Yes..." "But it's..." "It's a joke I'm doing." "you clench the fist. ok?" "Will this hurt the shot?" "I hope no more that usually." "Sabine." "Here we are." "did I hurt you?" "I'm sorry." "But you know the doctor needs this blood sample every month." "I have to do this." "There we are." "It lasts no longer than this." "our mother move away from Paris." "the separation from her brothers and sisters adds itself to the emotional trauma." "her condition deteriorates." "She begins to swear and starts spitting." "The violence she felt against herself turns against our mother." "She pulls her hair and punches her in the face." "She destroys everything that is the closest to her heart and tears the photos of our trips. so she could builds trust back and in order to relieve our mother." "But Sabine remains violent." "She destabilizes our family lives." "And scares our children." "We take the decision to send her to a mental hospital to have the opinion of a doctor." "Sabine at first is committed for 15 days." "She is given a light medication and is released without any precise diagnostic." "My sisters and I are convinced the hospital is not the place for her." "we start seeking a specialized center." "We knock at all the doors she isn't accepted anywhere." "I rent a flat in front of mine and settle her in with two care-attendants." "the engaged staff become discouraged." "Sabine goes back to the hospital." "She stays there... 5 years..." " So where are you with the drawing?" " Mamamamama." " Mamamamama." " Mamamamama." "Did you write your name on it?" "Here?" "bravo." "We place it with the other?" "You want to do another?" "Sandrine!" "You'd really like to catch this." "uh?" "don't you?" "Sabrina." "Sabine?" "you'll be with me?" "Sabine." "Sabine." "I'll be with you." "Sabrina... ok?" "you'll be with me?" "Sabine." "Sabrina." "Sabrina." "I do not agree." "This is not possible." "either a compote." "It's not both." "but I do not agree." "let's go..." "Is it possible that?" "it's forbidden." "Sabrina." " You stand up and go pick it." " I do not agree." "I do the cleaning." "you're going out." "" "Can I stay with Sabrina?" "Pick the compote up." "you pick it up too." "Sabrina." " The spoon is here." "Put it here." "And I'd like you to apologize." "Good." "You want to stay with us or you want to go out?" "no Sabrina." "And you don't bite me either." "It's also forbidden." "no?" "that we are gonna change our minds." "And it's the same for everyone." "[sings] Santa Claaaaaus!" "It's cold." "And my hands are very cold... it's cold." "Close your eyes." "So what make-up do you want me to put you on?" " Mauve." " Ok." " I'll get in the Renault 19." "We're taking the Renault 19 to go where?" "To Angoulême." " That's it." "please." "You could put me perfume to make Sandrine Happy?" "And does it make you happy to wear perfume?" " Yes." " Yes?" "Because it's also important it makes you feel happy." "Sabine." "You want to look at yourself in the mirror?" "I'm beautiful." "We are nearly there." "It's just behind." "he is playing the music." "cause he is homeless." "You'll give him that." "You put it in the little box?" "Can I mix it with your straw?" "Sabine?" "I put them." " Bon appétit!" " Bon appétit!" "Sabine." "but I have two because I've this one and this one." "Sabine." "You asked for two burgers." "Look." "it's good a burger." "indeed." "yours." "the burger." " Yes." "You want me to go find a napkin?" "Madam." " Hello." "Madam." " Alright." " She needs two pairs of pants and two jumpers and a pair of jeans too." "" " Two pairs of pants." "you'll try the pants too to see if it fits you?" "what would she want?" "Is there a color she likes for the jumper?" " She'll try the pants and she'll chose after..." " Alright." "yeah." "you're gonna try the 48." "look." "it fits me." "It's not tight?" "It's good?" "You like the skirt Sabine?" "I'm beautiful in my skirt!" " You are very beautiful." "It suits you very well." "Look at yourself." "Step back a little." "Here you'll see yourself." "Look." " It's marked." " It's?" " Marked." " What do you mean?" " It's brought out." "It means." " It's brought out?" "ok." "you sparkle like this." "the two jumpers and the skirt?" "Ok?" "So you're gonna go pay." "Do I still have a lot of money?" "don't worry." "it's beautiful!" "indeed." "I managed." "It's full of mud." "How to clean it?" " Will we hear me speak on the tape recorder?" " Yeah." "Today we're wednesday." "I say that so I can recall that it's wednesday that we filmed here." "You went with whom?" "and a friend whose name was Sabine Caplier." "and it was hot in Guadeloupe?" " Uh?" " It was hot in Guadeloupe?" "it was very hot." "it was burning your feet." "You have to rest." "the towels." "quietly." "I'd like better to stay in the sofa." "that's something new..." "Sabine... you know it's something that is necessary for you." "You need it." "And it's every day." "you don't feel good after." "what did you do?" " What did you do?" " Gym." "watch out." " With Carmen?" " Yes." "tomorrow morning I don't work." " Why?" " You know why." "You know why I don't work tomorrow morning." "Tomorrow it's friday." "Olivier?" " Yeah." "that." "And you know it's forbidden." "Sabine?" "I'm afraid I won't see Sandrine." "But there is nothing to worry about." "She is here." "She leaves tonight." "All day long we're together." "Ok?" "she'll be here anyway." "it's useless." "Ok?" " I don't want to take a nap." "But you never take one." "You need to test?" "It's plastic." "Feels better?" "you're my sister." "you're my sister." "you're my sister." "5 years of internment" "Sabine's anxiety increases." "She bangs her head against the wall." "Her skull is tumid." "She mutilates herself." "she is hold in a straitjacket." "And she is given high doses of neuroleptics." "she shivers and she drools." "Her memory declined heavily and does not know anymore how to clean herself." "How long have you been taking care of Sabine?" "so for 5 years for sure." "Yes." "That's it. 5 years." "And how was she when she arrived?" "I found her very withdrawn." "because she didn't necessarily speak." "directly." "And with a defiance for the others." "that people would come take her back." "Very intrusive things." "What progress did she make?" "First at the level of the physical posture." "I find that she straightened up much physically." "you could see the higher part of her body was collapsing." "She used to drool a lot." "even though the medicine doses are relatively important for Sabine." "the presence of the look is more important." "She dares looking the person in the eyes more." "She speaks with more confidence too." "being safe implies that people will straighten out eventually." "Ans she's considered as a subject above all." "A thinking person." "manipulable." "We're not necessarily going to tell her what to do." "it's true that's there are bearings during the day." "There are bearings in the therapy." "she is not dictated how to behave." "And I believe it to be very important." "you're gonna..." " Sabine?" "You're going to go for a holiday?" "Yes." " Where are you gonna go?" " I don't know yet." "We don't know." "you know." "You're going to Île d'Oléron." " How do you know that?" " Don't you know?" "You've not been told?" "And I've been told that you tried to go through the window?" "You tell me about that?" "like that." " And you didn't feel like throwing yourself out of the window?" " No." " Are you sure of that?" " Yes." "You did it already once." "I already threw myself out of the window." "It's true that's a way she knows." "It's a way of communication she already used." "So... to make her understand a little where it comes from and how it's possible to express things in a different way." "what she doesn't." "And in the meantime she will use a defenestration to express her will to go on holiday." "She's also often in the acting out." "And that's part of her communication methods the only way she finds to really make an impression that people pay even more attention to her it's acting out." "where is she?" "Where is Sandrine?" "Sandrine!" "where of course there is no place for Sabine." "I whereas meet the director who is fighting to open a new shelter." "we spend more than a year to obtain the necessary aid to create this place." "Sabine lives here now." "She is finally diagnosed." "She suffers from infantile psychosis with autistic behaviors." "This structure and the care provided gives her confidence and make her feel safe." "Her medication has been reduced by a half." "She found her way back to a certain happiness" "But most of her abilities stay impaired." "35... 37..." " 37 and?" " And 38." "don't blow..." "We should maybe light them before?" "You are jumping stages here..." "Magalie." "it's also good for you to participate." "Rodolphe." "I don't feel myself able to make the candles lighted." "you give me the..." "You have already enough?" "You exaggerate..." "You'll walk over the corridor and you'll bring the birthday cakes." "Sabine!" "Yeah!" "Sabine!" "That's good!" "there are presents for you." "So there are presents from Thomas." "little dolls!" "This is Thomas' present the dolls." "look at them well." "If you turn them upside down you have two dolls in one." "you pull down their dress." "Can you put the dolls in the drunk because I'm afraid to throw them in the pee bucket." "yes." "But why are you afraid to throw them?" "I'm afraid of doing it." "It makes you anxious?" "Yes." "We're gonna do it." "The key..." "Can you open it?" "You can't do it?" "you sure?" "I let you open it." "Sandrine." "How are you going to name them?" "Thomas and Gertrude." "that's it?" "Can you lock the trunk?" " What is inside this trunk?" " Many things." "Sandrine's hair... the hair..." "The hair..." "The hair... the hair... the hair... it's me who was hurt." "It's a topsy-turvy world." "It's you who pulled my hair and it's you crying?" " You'll come see me tomorrow and the day after tomorrow?" " I told you I'm not answering anymore." "I'm fed up." " Ok." "You said we were making peace..." "We were making peace?" "Here." "And it's not because I am not answering that you have to beat me." "It's too easy..." "And you know the answer." "Ok?" " The answer is that you come tomorrow and the day after tomorrow you come and see me." " Exactly." "So it's no need anymore to ask the question." "Because it's tiring." "What is it according to you the definition of autism." "If there's one..." "If there's one..." "I believe that there are autisms." "and I think also that..." "Autism is the incapacity at a point to live with the others." "For me it's turning in on oneself." "Not being able to communicate one's anxiety by an other way than at a limit." "the limit and always looking for a bodily envelope." "first." "A psychic destructuration." "As if one does not exists anymore." "A self annihilation." "it's not at every moment." "There are times..." "And I think that autism is an impressive way to adapt to life." "In order to survive." "What is love for you?" "It makes me good." "It makes you feel good?" "You're in love?" "And with whom are you in love now?" "Do you have a lover?" "it's a firefighter my lover now." "So you don't know him yet your lover ?" "I didn't find a firefighter as a lover." "And how will you find him?" "I don't know." "I call her Camille and if it's a boy I call him Antoine." "They are lovely names." "And do you think you'll have children?" "Yes." "babies." "I feel capable of having a baby." "it's true?" "of taking care of my baby." "And why you would feel capable of having a baby and not able to stop hitting?" "Don't you think it's easier of not hitting anymore than to raise a baby?" "I'm capable of not hitting him anymore." "So why don't you do it?" "I won't beat them." "I won't do as with the residents anymore" "I won't beat my children." "And I'll buy a poster for me and my firefighter husband" "And I'll tear... and... and..." "And it will be a poster of New-York that I'll decide to buy for my husband and I." "And why a poster of New-York?" "Because I love America." "remember?" "I filmed you in New-York." "And I have the DVD of the trip's film." "I'm going to show it to you." "back when you where in New-York?" "Yes." " Do I play it to you?" " Yes." "let's start it." "So..." "I imagine it's that..." "Sabine?" "Yes." "I was living at mum's." " Mmmh." "I had long hair in this time." "we can stop and start again later." " No." " You tell it..." "It makes me weep with joy." "every morning?" "I recall." "Can you play the beginning of the tape again?" "What do you want to see?" "The plane?" "Yes." "The consequences of her internment are they reparable?" "Is the degradation of her faculties inherent to her decease?" "Will she be able to live again one day without medicine?" "Will this be possible one day for me to go travel again with my little sister?" "To my sisters"