"'Allo!" "You are probably wondering what I am doing with this cheese." "I will tell you, but listen very carefully" "I shall say this only once." "In a doomed effort to help the "Children in Need" appeal, my wife Edith and a few acquaintances are about to sing to you." "So unless you wish the remainder of the evening to be turned over to my wife's musical talents, please phone now and pledge as much money as you can afford for this very worthy cause." "And so now, here is the Nouvion Chorale Society to sing "Under the bridges of Paris."" "If only they were!" "(PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)" "ALL:" "♪ My darling, why I sing this song ♪" "♪ is easy to explain ♪" "♪ It tells what happens all along ♪" "♪ the bridges of the Seine ♪" "♪ The vagabonds go there at night ♪" "♪ to sleep all their troubles away ♪" "♪ But when the moon is shining bright ♪" "♪ my heart wants to sing it this way ♪" "♪ How would you like to be ♪" "♪ down by the seine with me?" "♪" "♪ Oh what I'd give for a moment or two ♪" "♪ under the bridges of Paris with you ♪" "♪ Darling, I'd hold you tight ♪" "♪ far from the eyes of night ♪" "♪ under the bridges of Paris with you ♪" "♪ I'd make your dreams come true. ♪" "(AUDIENCE APPLAUSE)"