"Here, you can look at it." " Why does they call it the watch?" " 'Cause it watches." " It ain't got no eyes." " It don't need none." "We look at it, and it tells us the time." "How did it tell you to ring the bell?" "It just look at me and say:" ""Don't you think it's time for the little children to come to Sunday school?"" "Hello." "This watch just says, "Tick, tick, tick."" "That mean that it wanna go back into Grandpappy's pocket." "Well, that's the best Sunday dinner since I was here the last time." "Only that bell could pry me from the table." " Come again soon, Mr. Deshee." " Come again soon." "You want to walk to the Sunday school with me, Carlisle?" "Yes, sir." "Maybe by now his stomach is too big to tote." " I can tote it." " Wipe your mouth off." " Hurry up with Carlotta." " She all ready." "Every Sunday you can't take him because you ain't got your dishes done." "You call that getting your dishes done, what you're doing?" "Come on, Randolph." "That thing's gonna break your mind down." "Miss Prohack!" "Hello." "Can Viney and Carlotta take Randolph with them?" "Shoo him over." "You behave yourself like a citizen today." "Here he comes." "Come on, Carlotta." "Is the river going to rise again, Mr. Deshee?" "No, the weather's going to be fine now." "See the pretty cloud over there?" " Maybe that'll bring more rain." " Not that kind of cloud." "What good is a cloud like that, then?" "I don't know." "Maybe De Lawd just use them for sofa pillows." "What he do, lay his head on them?" " Maybe so." " Hello, Myrtle." " Hello, Carlisle." "Hello, Mr. Deshee." " Hello, Mr. Deshee." " What's that one?" " Lion." " What is a tiger?" " A tiger is a lion's wife." "You don't know, either." " They ain't got anything like that up there." " Let's see." "Yes, they have." "Will they have that thing in the circus, Mr. Deshee?" "If they do, I want to see it." "Come on." "We can't talk about circuses on De Lawd's time." "What's the story gonna be about today, Mr. Deshee?" "Ain't going to tell no story today." "We're going right to the Good Book itself." " You're going to hear about Genesis." " What's Genesis, Mr. Deshee?" "Pick up your feet." "You'll find out." "Get along there." "We's late now." ""And all the days that Adam lived..." ""were nine hundred and thirty years:" "And he died." ""And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos:" ""And Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years..." ""and begat sons and daughters:" ""And all days that Seth lived..." ""was nine hundred and twelve years:" "And he died."" "And it go on like that until we come to Enoch." "And the book say, "And Enoch lived sixty and five years..." ""and begat Methuselah:" ""Methuselah lived nine hundred and sixty and nine years:" "And he died."" "And that was the oldest man there ever was." "Well, for goodness' sake." "That's why we call old Mr. Gurney's mammy "old Miss Methuselah"... 'cause she's so old." "Now how do you think you're going to like the Bible?" "I think it's just wonderful, Mr. Deshee." "I can't understand any of it." " Well?" " Why did they live so long, Mr. Deshee?" "They were mighty men in them days, but although they was awful mighty... they always knowed that God was beyond them all." "What did God look like, Mr. Deshee?" "Well, nobody know exactly." "I remember when I was a little boy..." "I used to imagine he looked just like our old preacher... the Reverend Mr. Dubois." "He was the wisest and finest looking man I ever seen." "What did the world look like when De Lawd begin, Mr. Deshee?" "How you mean, what it look like?" "Carlisle mean who was in New Orleans then." "There wasn't nobody in New Orleans... on account of there was no New Orleans." "You got to get your minds fixed." "There wasn't no Rampart Street, there wasn't no Canal Street... there wasn't no Louisiana." "There wasn't nothing on Earth... on occasion of the reason there wasn't no Earth." "The whole world wasn't nothing but a mess of bad weather." " Yes, but what Carlisle wants to know..." " Now, Randolph, if you don't listen... how you expect to grow up to be a good man?" "You want to grow up to be a transgressor?" "No!" "You tell his mammy his sister got to come with him the next time." "She can get the things done in time enough to fetch him to the school." "Content yourself." "Now what's that Carlisle want to know?" "How did De Lawd decide he wanted the world to be right here... and how did he get the idea he wanted it?" "'Cause the book say." "Don't it, Mr. Deshee?" "The book say, but at the same time, that's a good question." "I remember when I was a little boy, I asked Mr. Dubois the same thing." "And he said, "My son, the book ain't got time..." ""to go into all of the details." And he was right." "We don't know just where Heaven was at, but there it was, maybe everywhere." "Then one day De Lawd said, "I think I'll make me some places."" "He made the sun, the moon, the stars, and he made the Earth." "Who was around then, nothing but angels?" "I reckon so." "What were the angels doing up there?" "They just flew around, had a good time." "There wasn't no sin." "They must have had a good time." "Did they have Sunday school, too?" "They must've had Sunday school for the little cherubs." " Did they have picnics?" " Sure." "The best kind of picnics." "Fish fries with boiled custard." "10-cent cigars for the adults." "God give us humans lots of ideas about good-timing." "Maybe from the things he'd seen the angels do." "Yes, sir, I bet they had fish fries every week." "Maybe every day." "There wasn't no mankind to worry about yet." "Did they go fishing?" "The fishermen fished, the cooks cooked, there was plenty to eat for all." "The children played, the grownups passed the time of day... excepting, of course, the choir." "God give them songs to sing." "So they sang to De Lawd the songs he liked to hear." "Where are going?" "Hurry up." "This here fat's crying for more fish." "They's coming." "They's got to be catched, ain't they?" "We can't say, "Come on, little fish, come on and get fried."" "I'm an Indian!" " Henry, you sure got the prettiest wings." " They're just my old ones." "Take that cigar out of your mouth." "A child like you shouldn't be smoking." "Let him have a cigar." "Cigars, gentlemen?" "Cigars?" "Just help yourself." "Cigars, gentlemen?" "Cigars?" "Good morning." " Yes, ma'am." "Here it is." "Yes, indeed." " Thank you kindly." " Anybody here seen Fitzhugh?" " A minute ago he was up in the element." "You fly down here." "You heard me, Fitzhugh." "You want to be put down in the sin book?" "That boy must have imp blood in him, he's so vexing." "You want me to fly up there and slap you down?" " I told you, you was too little for catfish." " What's the trouble with Leonetta?" "She got a catfish bone down her throat, doggone it." "I told her to eat grindle instead." "If'n she do get all that ate, she's gonna have the bellyache." "Ain't I told her that?" "Come on, now." "Let go of that bone." " Now, that's good." " Now she all right." "Go on and play with your cousins." "I ain't seen you lately, Lily." " How has you been?" " Fine." "I've been visiting my mammy." "She's waiting on the welcome table over by the throne of grace." "She always was pretty holy." "I guess De Lawd took quite a fancy to her." "I declare, your mammy's one of the finest lady angels I know." "She claim you the best one she know." "Well, when you come right down to it, I suppose we all are pretty near perfect." "Why is that, Miss Jenny?" "I suppose it's 'cause De Lawd don't like... associating with the devil anymore, so there can't be no more sinning." "Poor old Satan." "I wonder whatever become of him." "Gabriel!" "Gangway!" "Gangway for De Lawd God Jehovah." " Here comes De Lawd." " I hope De Lawd likes my robe." "I wonder what De Lawd coming over here for." "Do I look all right?" " Is you been baptized?" " Certainly, Lawd." "Is you been baptized?" "Certainly, Lawd Certainly, certainly, certainly, Lawd" "Is you been redeemed?" "Certainly, Lawd" "Is you been redeemed?" "Certainly, Lawd Certainly, certainly, certainly, Lawd" "Does you bow mighty low?" "Certainly, Lawd" "Does you bow mighty low?" "Certainly, Lawd Certainly, certainly, certainly, Lawd" "Let the fish fry proceed." " Lawd, look what I've got." " Get away from De Lawd." "Good morning, Lawd." "Good morning, Archangel." "You're looking mighty spry." " I can't complain, Lawd." " That's good." "Fitzhugh, you let go of De Lawd's coattail." "That's all right, daughter." "He's just playing." "Yeah, but he's playing too rough." " A little boiled custard, Lawd?" " Thank you very kindly." "This looks nice." " 10-cent cigar, Lawd?" " Thank you." "How is the fish fry going?" "The best one yet, Lawd." "And how you shouters getting on?" "We've been a-marching and singing the whole morning." "I heard you." "You's getting as good as the choir at the throne." "Why don't you give us one of them old-time jump-ups?" "All right." "Anything you say, Lawd." "So High." "No, thank you." "I'm going to save this a bit." " What's the matter, Lawd?" " I ain't just sure yet." " There's something about this custard." " Ain't it all right, Lawd?" "It don't seem seasoned just right." "Did you make it?" "Yes, Lawd." "I put everything in it like I always does." "It's supposed to be perfect." "Yes, I can taste the eggs, the cream, and the sugar." "I know what it is." " It needs a little bit more firmament." " There's firmament in it, Lawd." " Maybe, but it ain't enough." " It's all we had." " There ain't a drop left in the jug." " That's all right." "I'll just roar back and pass a miracle." "Let there be some firmament." "And when I say, "Let there be some firmament"..." "I don't mean no little bitty dab of firmament... 'cause I'm getting sick and tired of running out of it when we need it." "Let there be a whole mess of firmament!" " That's the way I like it." " Well, he got the order." " That's a lot of firmament." " Looks to me like it's ready to rain." " Where is you, Fitzhugh?" " Look at my Charlotta, Lawd." "She's soaked to the skin." "That's plenty too much firmament." "Well, course I don't want the children to catch cold." "Can't we drain it off?" "There's no place to drain it, Lawd." "Why don't we just take the babies home, Lawd?" "No, I don't want to bust up the fish fry." "You angels keep quiet, and I'll pass another miracle." "That's the trouble with miracles, when you pass one... you always got to roar back and pass another." "Let there be a place to drain off this firmament." "Let there be mountains and valleys, and let there be oceans and lakes... and let there be rivers and bayous to drain it off in, too." "As a matter of fact, let there be the Earth." "And when that's done, let there be the sun." "And let it come out and dry my cherubs' wings." "Look at here!" "Look!" " Do you see it, Lawd?" " Yes, Gabriel." " Looks mighty nice, Lawd." " Yes." "Yes, sir, and that would make mighty nice farming country." "Just look at that south forty down there." "I just made a garden, too." "You ain't going to let that go to waste, are you, Lawd?" " That would be a pity and a shame." " It's a good earth." "Maybe I ought to put someone down there to enjoy it." " Gabriel, I'm going down there." " Yes, Lawd." "I want you to be my working boss here while I'm gone." "Yes, Lawd." " Keep everything neat and tidy." " Yes, Lawd." "You know that sparrow that fell a little while ago?" " Tend to that, too." " Yes, Lawd." "I guess that's about all." "Quiet, angels." "I'm going to pass one more miracle, and you got to help me... 'cause it's a new kind of miracle." "In my own image, let there be man." " Good morning, son." " Good morning, Lawd." " What's your name, son?" " Adam." " Adam which?" " Just Adam, Lawd." "Well, Adam, how's they treating you?" "How's things going?" "I guess I'm gonna make out all right, once I learn the ropes." "Yes, sir, you are a nice job." "But there's just one thing the matter with you, though." "Adam, you need a family, 'cause, in your heart, you is a family man." "Yes, Lawd." "Just what is a family?" "Well, I'm gonna show you." "Close your eyes, and make out you was going to slumber." "Yes, sir." "Eve." "Now, you all right, Eve." "I'm going to give you two the run of the whole garden... and I want you to enjoy yourselves." "Eve, you take care of this man, and, Adam, you take care of this woman." "Now, don't you all try to do too much... 'cause you both a new kind of experiment with me and I ain't sure you can make it." "Just drink the water from the little brooks... and the wine from the grapes and the berries... and eat the food that's hanging for you in the trees." "That is, all but one tree." " Yes, Lawd." " Thank you, Lawd." "Well, I got to be getting along now." "I got 100,000 things to do before you take your next breath." "Enjoy yourselves." "Adam." "I reckon you children know what happened after God made Adam and Eve, don't you?" "I know, Mr. Deshee." "Stop that!" "Randolph, this is the fifth time your sister ain't come with you." "Viney, take away that truck he's eating." "See if you can keep him quiet." "Now then, Myrtle, what happened?" "Why, didn't they eat the forbidden fruit?" "And then they got driv' out the Garden of Eden." "And then what happened?" " Why, then they felt very bad." " I don't mean how they feel." "I mean how they do." "Did they have any children or anything like that?" "Yes." "Why, they have Cain and Abel." "Now, one thing we know." "This boy Cain was a mean rascal... on account of 'cause he killed his brother." "Cain, look what you've done to Abel." "Lawd, I was minding my own business, working in the fields." "He was settin' in the shade of the tree." "He said, "Me, I'd be scared to get out in that hot sun." ""I'd be afraid my brains get cooked." ""Course you ain't got no brains, so you ain't in no danger."" "So I up, and I flang this rock." "If I miss him, all right, and if I hit him, all right." "That's the way I feel." "From now on, that's called a crime." "You get yourself down the road and far away... and get married and settle down and raise some children." "There ain't nothing to make a man forget his troubles like raising a family." " Now you better git." " Yes, sir." "Adam and Eve, you better have Seth and lots more children." "I don't like the way things is going at all." "Well, I guess that's about all the important business this morning, Lawd." "What about that little cherub over at Archangel Montgomery's house?" "Where do they live, Lawd?" "In that little two-story gold house over by the Pearly Gates." "That Montgomery." "I thought you was referring to the old gentleman." "Here it is." ""Cherub Christina Montgomery..." ""wings is molting out of season and nobody know what to do."" "Well, you want to take care of that." " You got to be more careful, Gabe." " Yes, Lawd." " Now watch yourself, Gabriel." " I wasn't going to blow, Lawd." "I just do that every now and then so I can keep the feel of it." "What's this here about the moon?" "The moon people say, it's beginning to melt a little... on account 'cause the sun's so hot." "It's going around according to schedule, ain't it?" "Yes, Lawd." "There ain't nothing the matter with that moon." "The trouble of it is... too many angels go flying over there on Saturday night." "They get to beating their wings... while they's dancing, and that makes the heat." "Tell them, from now on, dancing round the moon is sinning." "They got to stop it, and that'll cool off the moon." " Anything else you ought to remind me of?" " The prayers, Lawd." "The prayers?" "For mankind, you know, down on the Earth." "Yes, the poor little Earth." "Bless my soul, I almost forgot about that." "Must be three or four hundred years since I've been down there." "I wasn't any too pleased with that job." "You know you don't make no mistakes, Lawd." "So they tell me." "But I find I can be displeased, though... and I was displeased with the mankind I last seen." "Maybe I ought to go down there again." " I need a little holiday." " Might do you good, Lawd." "I'll go down there and see how them poor humans is making out." "What time is it by the sun and the stars?" "Just exactly half past, Lawd." "Take care of yourself." "I'll be back Saturday." "That's nice." "Nice and quiet." "That's the way I likes for Sunday to be." "Now that ain't so good." " Stop that." " What's the matter with you, country boy?" " Pull up your pants." " Stop that." "Say, listen to me, banjo eyes... what right you got to stop a lady enjoying herself?" "This is the Sabbath." "That ain't no kind of song to be singing on De Lawd's day." "Who care about De Lawd's day anymore?" "People just use Sunday now to get over Saturday." " You is a mighty sassy little girl." " I come from sassy people." " We even speak mean of the dead." " What's your name?" ""What's my name?"" "Ain't you the old-time gal hunter." "First it's, "What's my name?"" "Then, I suppose, "What would it be like if you tried to kiss me?"" "You preachers is the devil." "I ain't aiming to touch you, daughter." "What is your name?" " Zeba." " Who's your family?" "Why, I is the great-great-granddaughter of Seth." "Of Seth?" "Seth was a good man." "Yeah, he too good." "He'd die of holiness." "And here's his little granddaughter, reeking with cologne." "Ain't nobody ever told you you's on the road to hell?" "Sure." "That's what the preachers say, excepting, of course, I happens to know... that I'm on the road to the picnic grounds." "And at the present time, I'm waiting... to keep engaged with my sweet pop." "He don't like people talking to me." "Hello, sugar." "Hi, mama." "Sorry I'm late, baby... but the gals down at the barrelhouse just wouldn't let me go." "Doggone." "One little wirehead swore she'd tear me down." " What is your name, son?" " Soap and water, country boy." " What is your name?" " Cain the Sixth." "I was afraid so." "You a new preacher?" " Where do you live?" " Me?" "I live most any place." "Yes, and you're going to see them all." "Is all the other young men like you?" "Well, the gals don't think so." "Ain't nobody in this world like my honey cake." "They tells me last night you was talking to a creeper man, baby." "You know there ain't nobody in this world for me but you." "I knows there ain't." "I even got that guaranteed." "You see that, baby?" "That just makes me positive." "You don't want to believe all them stories, papa." "I didn't believe them, baby." "Course, that big gorilla, Flatfoot, from the other side of the river is in town again." " Why, Flatfoot ain't nothing to me." " Course he ain't." "Go ahead and play some more, baby." "Bad business." "The birds is going about their business all right." " And how you little flowers making out?" " We is okay, Lawd." "Yes, and you looking mighty pretty, too." "Thank you, Lawd." "It's only the human beings that make me downhearted." "Now here's as nice a Sunday as they turns out anywhere... and nobody making the right use of it." "Lawd, you know I'm down here praying." "Lawd, you know I ain't asked you for nothing for a long time." "There's people praying." "Lawd, the smokehouse is empty." "Lawd, let me get them groceries." "Lawd, let me see that little six." "Wham." "Gambling, and with frozen dice." "There's $1.50 talking for me." " How much you want in, Flatfoot?" " I take four bits." "Wait a minute." "Maybe I take a little more." "Hello, liver lips." "Look at old liver lips." "Ain't his pockets high from the ground?" "Old high pockets." "Come on, you gonna feed me or not?" "Why, you just a little boy, gambling and sinning... and chewing tobacco, like you was your own pappy... and you've been drinking sonny-kick-mammy wine, too." "You gamblers ought to be ashamed of yourself, leading this boy to sin." "Why, he's the best crapshooter in town." "Does your mammy know what you is doing?" "See can you beat him, high pocket?" "There's $1 open here." "I ain't going to beat him." "I must teach him." "I may have to teach you all." "If you find my mammy, you can do more than I can." "His mammy ran off last week with a railroad man." "She eloped." "Who wants any part of the $1?" "Fortune told, honey?" " Where did you get this nice horse?" " I stole it." "Nice horse." " Morning, brother." " Morning." "I declare, you look like a good man." "I try to be." "I'm the preacher here." "I don't believe I seen you at the meeting this morning." "I just got in town a little while ago, and I been pretty busy." "Most everybody say they pretty busy, so busy they can't come to meeting." "Today, there wasn't a single member for the choir." "There I was, just preaching to me." "The people perfectly healthy, ain't they?" "They healthy, all right." "They just lazy and full of sin." " Ain't you a preacher, too, brother?" " Yes, I is in a way." "Well, I live right here." "Why don't you give us the pleasure of your company for dinner?" "I believe the old lady has killed a chicken." "Well, that's mighty nice of you, brother..." "I don't believe I caught your name." "Noah, just Noah." "Come right in, brother." "This is the old lady." "This gentleman's a preacher, too, honey." "That's fine." "You just catch me when I'm getting dinner ready." "I got a chicken in the pot." "It'll be ready in about five minutes." "I'll go call Shem, Ham, and Japheth." "They is our sons." "They lives right across the way." "But they always have Sunday dinner with us." " You mens make yourselves comfortable." " Thank you." "Thank you very kindly." "You got a fine wife, brother Noah." " She's a pretty good woman." " Yes, sir, and a mighty nice little home." " Have a 10-cent cigar?" " Thank you." "Sit right down." "Sit right down there." "Noah, just what seems to be the main trouble with mankind?" "Well, the main trouble is the whole district is wide open." "That makes for loose living." "The menfolk spend all their time fighting... loafing, gambling, and making bad liquor." " And what about the women?" " The women is worse than the men." "If they ain't making love powder, they're out beg... borrowing, stealing money for the policy ticket." "Doggone." "I come in to church Sunday before last... about a hour before the meeting was to start... and there was a lady stealing the altar cloth." "She was gonna hock it." "They ain't got no moral sense." "Terrible!" "Yes, sir, and this used to be a nice, decent community... but now it seems like every time I preach the word... the place goes a little more to the dogs." "The good Lawd only knows what's gonna happen to them." "That is the truth." " What's the matter?" " Got a little twitch." "My buck leg, I guess... 'cause every now and then it gets a little twitch in the knee." "Might be a sign of rain." "That's just what it is." "Noah, what's the most rain you've ever had around these parts?" "Well, the water come down steady for about six days last April." "The river got so swollen it bust down the levee up above Freeport." "Raised Cain all the way down the delta." "What would you to say was it to rain for 40 days and 40 nights?" "I'd say that was a complete rain." "Noah, you don't know who I is, do you?" "The face is easy, but I don't recall the name." "I should have known you, Lawd." "I should have seen the glory." "That's all right, Noah." "You didn't know who I was." "I's just old preacher Noah, Lawd, and I is your servant." "I ain't very much, but I is all I got." "Now you sit down, Noah... and don't let me hear you shaming yourself... 'cause you is a good man." "As far as I can see... you and your family is the only respectable people in the world." "They just all poor sinners, Lawd." "Yeah, I know, and I'm a god of wrath and vengeance." "That's why I'm going to destroy this world." "Anything you say, Lawd." "Noah, I want you to build me a boat... and I want you to call it the Ark and I want it to look like this." "I want you to take two of every kind of animal... and bird there is in the country." "I want you to take seeds and sprouts and put them on that Ark... 'cause there is going to be all that rain." "There's going to be a deluge, Noah, and there's gonna be a flood." "The levees is going to bust... and everything that's fastened down is going to come loose... but they ain't going to float long, 'cause I'm going to make a storm... that'll sink everything from a hencoop to a barn." "There ain't a ship on the sea that'll be able to fight that tempest." "They all got to go." "Everything!" "Everything in this pretty world I've made... except one thing, Noah." "You and your family, and the things I said is going to ride that storm in the Ark." "And here's the way it's to be." "Yes, sir." "This seems to be complete." "Now, about the animals, you say you want everything?" "Two of everything." "That would include giraffes and hippopotamuses?" " Two of everything there is." " There was a circus in town." "I guess, I can find them." "Course I can get all the rabbits and possums and wild turkeys easier." "Just send the boys out, but I was just wondering." " About what?" " About snakes." "You think you might like snakes, too?" " Of course I want snakes." " I can get snakes, lots of them." "Course, some of them is a little dangerous." " Maybe I better take a keg of liquor, too." " You can have a keg of liquor." "Yes, sir, there sure is lots of different kind of snakes, come to think of it." "There's "cottonmouths" water moccasins, rattlers." "Why there must be 100 different kind of snakes down in the swamps." "Maybe I better take two kegs of liquor." " I think the one keg is enough." " No, I better take two kegs." "Besides, I can put one on each side of the boat... and balance the ship with them, as well as having them for medicinal uses." "You can put one keg in the middle of the ship." " It's just as easy to take two kegs, Lawd." " I think the one keg is enough." "Yes, I know, Lawd, but you see 40 days and 40 nights..." "One keg, Noah." "Yes, Lawd, one keg." " Shem!" " Yes, sir, Daddy." " Ham!" " Yes, sir, Daddy." " Japheth!" " Yes, sir, Daddy." "I been checking the livestock again." "There's just one thing missing in the "A's."" "What'd you find out about these here?" "The circus people said they didn't have any." "Guess we'll have to order them from De Lawd, too." ""Buffalos, bedbugs, butterflies." Guess that winds up the "B's."" " The bees!" " That's right, two bees." " Pretty near suppertime, Daddy." " Yeah, but we got to keep going." "You got to keep it working all night, Noah, maybe, huh?" "If the spirit moves me." "Don't you know the people are saying you're crazy?" "What do you think you're doing, anyway?" "I's building a ark." ""Foxes, fireflies, fleas."" "There's Mrs. Noah and her daughter-in-laws." "You know the whole family's crazy." "Noah, do you know your old lady's telling everybody... it's going to rain 40 days and 40 nights?" "A lot I care what you think." "There it is, baby." "Was I lying?" " Well, I'll be split in two." " What do you think of it, Flatfoot?" "I must say, it looks like a house with a whooping cellar." "This here vessel's a boat." "When I was a little boy, they used to build the boats down near the river... where the water was." "This time it's been arranged to have the water come up to the boat." "There's the old fool and his monument, just like I said." "Now it's going to start." "Watch this." " Hello, honey." " Hello, sugar." "Is that my old friend Flatfoot with you?" " Why, so it is." "He's got a gun!" " No, I ain't." "I guess he ain't." "No, I ain't got no gun for my old friend Flatfoot." " Hi, Cain, how the boy?" " But I got a little knife for him!" "I knew that was coming." "You sure take care of me, honey." "That's 'cause I think you is worth it." "That's all right, folks." "I just had to do a little cleaning up." "Be quiet!" "You better pray, you poor children." "You mean, you better pray." "You better pray for rain." "That's just what I ain't doing, sinners." "Listen!" "Shem!" "Japheth!" "Doggone, I believe it is going to rain a little." " Just a little shower." " I guess I'll go home." "I got a new hat on." "Me, too." "I want to keep looking nice for my sweet papa." "Ham!" "Is you ready with them animals?" "Yes, sir, Pappy." "They all here." "Tell them to line up!" "God's given his sign!" "All right, Pappy." "Everybody, stay in line there!" "Get back, you hogs, back in the "H's"... behind the giraffes." " Dad, a couple of weasels got loose!" " Fill them up any which way!" "I got the bees, Pappy!" "Okay, Lawd!" "We's all aboard!" "Here's the little dove back with the greenery in his mouth." "Now, you fly in there and tell the others." "Thank you, Lawd." "Thank you very kindly." "Amen." " You're welcome, Noah." " Lawd, it's wonderful." "I sort of like it." "I likes the way you handled the ship, too." " Was you watching me, Lawd?" " Every minute." " What's the orders now?" " Is all the animals safe?" "They's fine and dandy." "Then open the starboard door and leave them out." "Have the family to take all the seeds and sprouts and begin planting." " I'm starting all over, Noah." " Right away, Lawd." " Gabriel, can you spare a minute?" " Yes, sir, Lawd." "Well, it's did." "So I see." " Don't seem to set you up much." " Well, Lawd, ain't none of my business." "Course it ain't." "It's my business." "'Twas my idea." "Every bit of it is my business and nobody else's." "You know this thing is turned into quite a proposition." "I only hope it's gonna work out all right." " And did it work out?" " No, it didn't." "The minute De Lawd turned his back, there they was, bad as ever." "What did the poor Lawd do then?" "He let them go on for a spell." "Then, one day he looked down from Heaven... and what he see, he don't like at all." "That's the 46th thunderbolt since breakfast." "De Lawd must be mad for sure this morning." " I wonder where at he's pitching them." " Every one of them is bound for the Earth." "Do you mean that little old draining place?" "Carrie, don't you know that the Earth is the new scandal?" "Everybody's talking about it." "De Lawd is mad as can be at that measly little planet." " Or I should say the scum that's on it." " That's mankind down there." "They must be scum, too, to get De Lawd so worked up." "He's certainly letting them feel the wrath." "Ain't it a shame to plague De Lawd that way?" "They've been begging for what they're getting." "My brother flew down to bring up a saint the other day... and he say, from what he can see... most of the population down there's done made the devil their king... and they're working in three shifts for him." "Them human beings will make anybody boil over." "Why won't De Lawd let us ladies fix up his office nice?" "Wouldn't take a minute to make this desk gold-plated." "I guess he keeps this private office just plain and simple on purpose." "Everything else in Heaven is so fine and grand." "Maybe every now and then he just gets sick and tired of the glory." "Good morning, daughters." "Good morning, Lawd." "We's all finished." "Good morning, Gabriel." "Good morning, sisters." "What's the total?" "18,960 for the morning... and that's including the village with the fortune tellers." "They certainly can breed fast." "They displeases me greatly." "Look at them there." "Squirming and fighting and bearing false witness." " Why did I ever make them?" " Should I get some more thunderbolts?" "No." "They don't do no good." "It's gotta be something else." "How would it be if you was to doom them all again... like that time you sent down the flood?" " I bet that would make them mind." " You know how much good the flood did." "How about cleaning up the whole mess of them... and starting all over again with some new kind of animal?" " And admit that I'm licked?" " No, of course not, Lawd." "It ain't right for me to give up trying to do something with them." "Doggone, mankind must be all right at the core... or else why did I bother with them in the first place?" "It's just that I hate to see you worrying about it, Lawd." "Gabe, there ain't nothing worthwhile nowhere... that didn't cause somebody some worry." "I ain't never told you the trouble I had getting things started up here." "Yes, sir, the more I keeps on being De Lawd... the more I know I got to keep improving things." "The main trouble is mankind takes up so much of my time." "He ought to be able to help hisself a little." " Hey there, I think I got it." " What's the news?" "Gabriel, did you notice that every now and then mankind... turns out some pretty good specimens?" "They wouldn't come flying up here if they hadn't been." "Yes, sir, doggone it, the good man is the man that keeps busy." "I really put the first one down there to take care of that garden." "Then I let him go ahead and do nothing but get into mischief." "That's it." "He ain't built just to fool around and not do nothing." "Gabriel, I'm gonna try a new scheme." " Round up Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." " We get them, Lawd." " What's the scheme, Lawd?" " I'll tell you later." "You go and tell them to put them thunderbolts back in the boxes." " I ain't gonna use them again for a while." " Okay, Lawd." "Wait a minute." "Was you going by the big pit?" "I could go." "Lean over the brink and tell old Satan he's just a plain fool... if he thinks he can beat anybody as big as me." "Yes, sir, Lawd." "Then I'll spit right in his eye." "That new polish on the sun makes it powerful hot." "Let it be just a little bit cooler." "That's nice." "Come in." "Sorry we's so long coming, Lawd." "But Pappy and me had to take the boy over to get him a can of wing ointment." "What was the matter, son?" "They were chafing me a little." "They're fine now, thank you, Lawd." "That's good." "Now you boys just sit down and make yourselves comfortable." "Thank you, Lawd." "You is about the three best boys of the same family... that's come up here since I made little apples." "And I've decided to turn over to your descendants... the biggest and the best piece of property in the whole world." "Now you boys knows what's down there." "Where do you think it is?" "If you ask me, Lawd, I don't think they come any better... than the land of Canaan." "The land of Canaan." "Yes, that's a likely neighborhood." "Of course there's Philistines there now." "But we'll clean that up." "Now, who do you think is the best one of your people to put in charge down there?" "Does you want the brainiest or the holiest, Lawd?" "I want the holiest." "I'll make him brainy." "Well, if you want "A" number-one goodness, Lawd..." "I don't know where you'll get more satisfaction... than in a great-great-great-great-grandson of mine." "Where's he at?" "I believe he's in the sheep business down in Midian parish." "Over in Egypt, he killed a man that was abusing our people in the brickworks." "You know, Old King Pharaoh has got all our people in bondage." "I hear of it." "Who do you think put them there?" "That's all right." "I'm gonna take them out of it." "I'm gonna turn over the whole land of Canaan to you." "You know who's gonna lead them there?" "Your great-great-great-great-grandson." "His name's Moses, ain't it?" "Yes, Lawd." "I've been watching him." "And I knows he ain't a bad boy." "Quite a favor for the family, Lawd." "That's why I told you." "It so happens I loves your family... and I delights to honor it." " Good morning, gentlemen." " Good morning, Lawd." "Enjoy yourselves." "Yes, indeed, Lawd." "Yes, sir, Lawd." "I'm coming down there, Moses." "And this time, my scheme's got to work." "That's funny." "Sun seem to be shining every place but right here." " Why ain't there no clouds up there?" " 'Cause I want it to be like that, Moses." " Who's that?" " It's De Lawd, Moses." "That's what you say." "This here shadow may be De Lawd's work." "But that voice sound pretty much to me like a little echo or something." "Then keep your eyes open, son." "Maybe you notice the bush ain't burned up." "That's the truth." "Now do you believe?" "Yes, sir, Lawd." "It's wonderful." "No it ain't, Moses." "It's just a trick." "Excuse me for doubting you, Lawd." "I always had the feeling you was taking care of me... but I never suspected you'd find the time to talk with me personally." "That was a good trick, Lawd." "I've seen some good ones, but that was the beatenest." "You gonna see lots bigger tricks than that, Moses." " In fact, you gonna perform them." " Me, I is gonna be a tricker?" " Yes." " And do magic?" "Lawd, my mouth ain't got the quick talk that goes with it." "It'll come to you now." "Is I going with a circus?" "You's going down to Egypt, Moses, and lead my people out of bondage." "And to do that I'm gonna make you the best tricker in the world." "Egypt?" "You know I killed a man down there, Lawd." "Won't they kill me?" "Not when they see your tricks." "You ain't scared, is you?" " No, sir, Lawd." " Then here's what I'm gonna do." "I'm sick and tired of the way Old King Pharaoh's... treating my children, Moses, and you're gonna lead them away." "You're gonna lead them out of Egypt and across the river of Jordan." "And it's gonna take a long time." "And you ain't going on no excursion train." "You're gonna work awfully hard for something you's gonna find... when the trip is over." " What's that, Lawd?" " The land of Canaan." " Of course, Old Pharaoh, he'll say no." " Not when he sees your tricks." " They tell me he's awfully fond of tricks." " I hear that's all he's fond of." "They say if you can't take a rabbit out of a hat... you can't even get in to see him." "Wait till he see the trick you and me is gonna show him." " Doggone, huh, Lawd?" " Yes, sir." " Now the first trick..." " Just a minute, Lawd." "Now I'm gonna do just what you want me to." "I know it's gonna take a little time to learn all that quick talking." "Can't my brother, Aaron, go with me?" "He's a good man." "He is gonna help you with the Exodus." "I guess he can watch, too." " I'll call him." " Wait." "I'll bring him." "Aaron." "It's all right." "Don't worry, son." "I'm just trying some tricks." "And bringing you here was one of them." "Now then, you see this here cane?" "It looks just like an ordinary walking stick, don't it?" "Yes, sir, Lawd." "Well, it ain't no ordinary walking stick." "'Cause look what happens when I lays it on the ground." "Old King Pharaoh sits on his throne." "We opens the meeting with the reports from my confidential magician." " Good morning, Professor." " Good morning." "How's the killing of the babies amongst the Hebrews coming along?" "Just like you ordered." "We killed about 1000 last night." " That's pretty good." " That's fair." "But I find I ain't satisfied, though." "There ain't nothing meaner than killing the babies, King." "There must be something." "Put your brains on it." "I tell you what I can do." "All of the Hebrews that ain't in the burying grounds..." " is laboring over in the brickworks." " Yeah." "How would it be to take the straw away from them and tell them... they got to turn out just as many bricks as usual." "Ain't that nasty?" "Well, that's pretty trifling." "But go try it for the time being." "Wait a minute." "If any of them say they can't make the bricks that way... chop off their hands." "Now we's getting somewhere." " Any newcomers today?" " Just these two country boys." "Well, what you boys got to demonstrate?" "We've got a wonderful walking stick, Old King Pharaoh." " What does it do?" " You can see for yourself." " It's a snake!" " Look at it squirm." "He's the devil's baby." "That is a good trick." "Now turn it back into a walking stick again." " They sure is trickers." " What do you think of that?" "That's all right, all right." "It made the round trip." " What do you know?" " Well, knock me down." "You is good trickers." "How come you ain't never showed up at the palace before now?" "We just come to town, Old King Pharaoh." "What's your name?" "Mine is Moses, this is my brother, Aaron." "Hebrews." "They's Hebrews." " Is you Hebrews?" " Yes, sir." "Put them to the sword." "You can't get in that circle." " Did you feel that?" " What was that?" " He couldn't hit him." " My hands are stinging." " What's the idea here?" " We is magicians, Old King Pharaoh." "Well, we've got some here, too." "Where is the Head Tricker of the Land of Egypt?" "I is here." "Now we'll see who's got the best magic." "Come on." "Give these boys the gri-gri." "No, he won't." "Well, will you look at that?" "What's the matter?" "They're laughing at you." "Something got in the way of the spell." "You mean they got even you beat?" "They have got a new kind of magic." "It got electricity in it." "Well, that may make a little difference." "You boys is okay." "I suppose you know that I's a fool for conjuring." "And if a man show me a trick I ain't never seen before..." "I goes out of my way to do him a favor." " Any favor?" " Name your fancy." " Let the Hebrew children go." " Listen to him!" "What did you say?" "Let the Hebrew children go." " That's the limit." " Insulting the King!" "Don't you know that the Hebrews is my slaves?" "I hate children." "All week I've been killing the babies." "Ain't been five minutes ago since I gave orders to chop off their hands... if they can't make bricks without straw." "Let me see some more of your tricks." "I got one more trick up my sleeve that I didn't aim to work unless I has to." "'Cause when I does this one, I can't undo it." "Work it, and I'll trick you right back." "You about the best tricker I ever seen, Moses... but I can out-trick you any time of the day." "It ain't only me going to work this trick, but me and De Lawd." " Who?" " De Lawd, God of Israel." "I can out-trick you and De Lawd, too." "Now you's done it, Old King Pharaoh." "You's been mean to De Lawd's people, and he's been easy on you... in case you didn't know no better." "You been giving me a lot of say-so and no do-so." "And I didn't mind that." "But now you got to bragging about you's better than De Lawd... and that's too many!" "He talks like a preacher, and I ain't never liked no preachers." "You ain't going to like it no better... when I strikes down the oldest boy in every one of your people's houses!" "Listen, I is Pharaoh." "I do the striking down here." "I strikes down my enemy." "Ain't no one in all Egypt can kill who they wants to, except me." "No, Pharaoh, let them go." "You heard my word!" "Now, no more tricks, or I'll..." "Lawd, you'll have to do it, I guess." "Aaron, lift that rod!" "He did it." "What you done here?" "Where's my boy?" "He killed my boy." " King Pharaoh, here is your son." " He did it." "Oh, my son!" "My fine son!" "I'm sorry, Pharaoh, but you can't fight De Lawd." "Will you let his people go?" "Let them go." " What's the matter?" " Why did they stop?" " It ain't sundown yet." " What they blowing for?" "It's Moses." "Something's happened to Moses." "Moses?" " What's the matter, Moses?" " I so weary." "All at once, Aaron." "For 40 years, I've been leading you." "I led you out of the Land of Egypt..." "I led you past Sinai and through the wilderness." " I can't fall down on you now." " It's been a hard day." " The sun's gone down, ain't it?" " The sun ain't gone down, Brother." " No?" "Then it's my eyes." " He's gone blind!" "Lawd, they can't have a blind man leading them." "Aaron, does you think it's the time he said?" "How you mean?" "De Lawd said I was to lead them to the Jordan." "That I was to see the Promised Land... and that's all the further I could go on account of I broke the law." "A little while back I thought I did see a river ahead... and a pretty land on the other side." " There they are!" "Here come the scouts!" " Scout's back!" "Where's the young leader of the troops?" "Where's Joshua?" " Here he come." " The river Jordan is right ahead... and Jericho is just on the other side!" " Moses, we's there!" " Hooray!" "At last." "Joshua, you going to take the city of Jericho... before sundown." "But it's a big city, Father Moses, with walls all around it." "Is we got enough men?" "What should he do, Lawd?" "Move up to the walls with our people." "Tell the priests to go with you with the rams' horns." "You starts marching round them walls..." " And then..." " Yes, sir?" "...De Lawd'll take charge... just like he's took charge every time I've led you against a city." "He ain't never failed, has he?" "No, Father Moses." "And he ain't going to fail us now." "Oh, Lawd, I'm turning over all our brave young men to you... 'cause I knows you don't want me to lead them no further." "Just like you said..." "I's got to the river Jordan and I can't get over it." "And here they's going now to take the city of Jericho." "In a little while, they'll be marching round it... and will you please be so good as to tell them what to do?" "Amen." "Go ahead." "Give the signal that they's moving on with everything." "You camps for the night in the city of Jericho." "What about you, Father Moses?" "I'm staying behind." "De Lawd has got his plans for me." "Sound the signal to march." "Take care of the Ark of the Covenant, Aaron." "I will." " Goodbye, my brother." " Goodbye, Aaron." "Goodbye, children." "Well, Lawd, here I is." "The children has gone into the Promised Land..." " but you is with me, ain't you, Lawd?" " Of course I is." "I guess I is through just like you said I'd be, Lawd... when I broke the tablets of De Lawd." "Just what was it I said to you, Moses?" "Do you remember?" "That I couldn't go into the land of Canaan." "Moses, you angered me once... but in your heart you's been a good man." "Now you're going to have your own promised land." "I've been getting it ready for you for a long time." " Can you stand up?" " Yes, sir, Lawd." "Come on, I'm gonna show it to you." "We's going up this hill to get to it." "It's a million times nicer than the land of Canaan." "I can't hardly see." "Don't worry." "That's just 'cause you're so old." " What's the matter?" " We can't be doing this." "I forgot about Joshua and the fighting men." " What about them?" " They is marching on Jericho." "I told them to march around the walls and that De Lawd would be there... to tell them what to do." "That's all right." "He's there." "Then who is this helping me up the hill?" "Your faith." "Your God." "And is you over there helping them, too, Lawd?" "Is you going to tell them poor children what to do?" "Course I is, Moses." "Listen, and I'll show you how I'm helping them." "You did it, Lawd." "You've tooken it." "Listen to the children." "They's in the land of Canaan at last." "Oh, Lawd, you're the only god there ever was." "Ain't you, Lawd?" "Come on, old man." "But even that scheme didn't work... 'cause after they got into the land of Canaan... they went to the dogs again." "They even went into bondage again." "But this time, it was in the wicked city of Babylon." "What did they do that was so wicked?" "They blasphemed and sinned against De Lawd... and a lots of things that you wouldn't understand yet." "Just a grownup knows what I mean." "Just like a all-night barrelhouse over in New Orleans, Mr. Clutty." "King, I want to bid you welcome in behalf of the management." " Much obliged." "How is the revelry going?" " The sky's the limit." "Good." "I invited my friend... the High Priest of the Hebrews to drop in later." "You know what he looks like?" "No, sir, but we'll be on the lookout for him." "He look like a grandpappy, but he knows his way around." "Okay." "We'll have a little good times." "Let her go, boys." "Please the king." "Hot fat!" "That's the way!" "There ain't nobody in the world can squirm like the Babylon gals." "I'm glad I spotted you." "You'd have gone right by this place." " The king's expecting you." " The king's expecting me?" "Why, I don't know anybody in here." "I wouldn't have come into such a place." "Stop!" "What's the idea of busting up my party?" "Why, here's the high priest." "What?" "Why, the high priest is a fashion plate." "This is just a old drunk." "Why, of course." "Throw this old drunk out of here." "Wait a minute!" "What right you got busting into society?" "What do you do for a living?" " I'm a prophet of De Lawd." " You is a prophet, is you?" "Well, go ahead and prophesy." "Wait a minute." "You heard the king." "Go ahead." "Sons and daughters of Babylon, the wrath of God... ain't going to be withheld much longer." "I'm telling you, repent before it's too late." "Repent before Jehovah casts down upon you... that same fire that burned up Sodom and Gomorrah." "Ye children of Israel... that's given yourselves over to the evil ways..." " of your oppressors, repent before it's..." " Whoa, there!" "What you bothering the king for?" "You, the High Priest of all Israel... walking the town with the scum of the earth." "Seems to be a friend of yours, Jake." "He used to be a preacher, but I kicked him out of the church." "He wasn't broad-minded." "Don't let him bother you none." "You have offended our Lawd... and he's going to smite you down... just like he's going to smite down all the rest of this wicked world." "Wait a minute." "I'm getting tired of this." "Don't throw him out, shoot him down." "Oh, Lawd." "He's dead, King." "Don't know whether you should've done that, King." "Why not?" "I don't know whether De Lawd would like it." "Now, Jake... you know that your Lawd ain't paying no attention... to this man's town." "Why, it's thoroughly protected by the gods of Babylon." "I guess I can square things up." "Lawd, please forgive my old friend, the King of Babylon." "He didn't know what he was doing." "He was just..." "That's about enough!" "I stood all I can from you." "I tried to make this a good Earth." "I helped Adam, and I helped Noah." "I helped Moses, and I helped David." "And what's the grain that grew out of the seed?" "Sin." "Nothing but sin throughout the whole world." "I've given you every chance... and now the High Priest of Israel dares trifle with my name." "Listen, you children of darkness, your Lawd is tired." "I'm tired of the struggle... to make you worthy of the breath I gave you." "I put you in bondage again to save you... and you're worse than you was amongst the fleshpots of Egypt." "So I renounce you." "Listen to the words of your Lawd God Jehovah... for they is the last words you ever gonna hear from me." "I repent of these people I made... and I'll deliver them no more." " Who is it?" " The delegation, Lawd." "Tell them to come in." " Good morning, gentlemen." " Good morning, Lawd." "What can I do for you?" "You know, Lawd." "Go back to our people." "Every day for hundreds of years, you come in and ask the same thing." "The answer is still the same." "I repented of the people I made and said I would deliver them no more." " Good morning, gentlemen." " Good morning, Lawd." "Gabe, why do they do it?" "I expect they think you're going to change your mind." "They don't know me." "And you down there don't know me, either." "Is something else wrong, Lawd?" "It's a man." "He ain't exactly praying... but he's talking in such a way I got to listen." "His name is Hezdrel." "He's a man no one ever heard of." "I can hear his voice now." "Tell him to stop." "I find I don't want to do that, even." "They's getting ready to take Jerusalem down there." "That was my big fine city." "This here man, Hezdrel, is just one of the defenders." "I ain't coming down." "Does you hear me?" "I ain't coming down." "Go along, Gabriel, and tend to your chores." "I'm going to be working here a while." " I hates to see you feeling like this, Lawd." " That's all right." "Even being God ain't no bed of roses." "I hear you." "I know you's fighting bravely... but I done told you I ain't coming down there." "The fighting's stopped for the night, Hezdrel... but it's going to begin again at cockcrow." "King Herod said he's gonna take the temple tomorrow." "Burn the Ark of the Covenant, and put us all to the sword." " You's ready, ain't you?" " Yes, Hezdrel." "Then take these wounded men here back and get them took care of." "So King Herod's going to burn the temple, is he?" "Well, what if they do?" "If they kills us, we leaps out of our skins right into the lap of God." "De Lawd will be here, looking out for his people as usual." "Won't you, Lawd?" "Why don't you leave me alone?" "You know you ain't talking to me." "Is you talking to me?" "I can't stand you talking that way." "I can only hear half what you say, and it puzzles me." "Don't you know you can't puzzle God?" "You want me to come down very much?" "You know I said I wouldn't come down there." "Why don't he answer me a little?" "Listen, I'll tell you what I'll do." "I ain't going to promise you nothing... and I ain't going to do nothing to help you." "I'm just feeling a little low... but I'm only coming down there to make myself... feel a little better." "That's all." "Why, he looks like the first one I made." "Like Adam." "But he ain't in no garden now." " Hello, Hezdrel." " Who is you?" "Don't you know?" " Is you a preacher?" " Yes." "I've come a long ways to ask you something." " What?" " How come you all are so brave?" " 'Cause we's got faith." " Faith?" " In who?" " In our dear Lawd." "But De Lawd said he was through with mankind." "You talking about that old God of wrath." " We's got a new Lawd now." " Who said so?" "Our preacher." "Old Mr. Hosea." "But you know there's only one God." "Ain't there?" "Maybe there is." "Maybe we just got tired of his appearance that old way." "What do you mean?" "I mean that old God that walked the Earth in the shape of a man." "I guess he lived with man so much till all he could see was the sins in man." "That's what made him a god of wrath." "Of course, they's the same God." "He just ain't fearsome no more." "Now he's a god of mercy." "Mercy?" "How did you humans find out about mercy?" "The only way we could find it." " The only way anyone can find it." " How is that?" "Through suffering." "So that's what faith is." "Thank you, Hezdrel." " For what?" " For teaching me something." "I guess I been so far away..." "I was just way behind the times." "The cock's done crowed, Hezdrel." "They started fighting again." "We's ready." "Come on, boys!" "This is the day they say they'll get us." "Let's fight until the last man goes." "What do you say?" "Let's go!" "You look a little pensive, Lawd." " Want a cigar, Lawd?" " No, thanks, Gabriel." "You look awful pensive, Lawd." "You've been setting here, looking this way... a awful long time." " Is it something serious, Lawd?" " Very serious, Gabriel." "I'm just thinking." "What about, Lawd?" "Something the boy Hezdrel told me about Hosea and himself." "How they found mercy." "Mercy." "Through suffering, he said." "I'm trying to find it, too." "It's awful important, Gabriel, to all the people on my Earth." "Did he mean that even God... must suffer?" "Listen." "There's someone else on the Earth." "Look at him." "They're going to make him carry it up that high hill." "They're going to nail him to it." "That's a terrible burden for one man to carry." "Yes!" "We's going home, Mr. Clutty." "Ripped by:" "SkyFury"