"You ever wonder what happens to all the overeducated... pampered rich kids the art colleges churn out year after year?" "So did I. After all, in two days, I was going to join them." "Being a well-adjusted, model citizen, of course..." "I was looking forward to it." "Graduation was just two days away, and I couldn't wait to get started... on that wife and kids and pension-plan thing." "On Sunday, we'd all be going our separate ways... me and the scumbags I live with." "Mickey drew cartoons for the local funny papers." "We started as freshmen together, but he still had a year to go." "Why do I always gotta go last?" "He was big, clumsy, and he never combed his hair." "Chicks dug him." "Fuckin' mystery to me." " Who's that?" "Jack?" " Fat fuck." "Yeah." "Is that you, Rob?" "Rob was moving to L.A. with his woman." "We'd all been poisoning him against her... 'cause, well, that's what guys do, but so far it hadn't worked." "I can give you something right here." "Hey, man!" "Don't..." "You scalded me!" "You know what that does to my skin?" "Hey." " Hey." " Hungover?" "Slosh had morphed from computer geek to raving drunk in under a year." "For months now he had been mailing bad poetry to Charles Bukowski." "Who did that to you?" "No one wanted to tell him Buke was dead." "What are you, a madman?" "No." "Just like to live dangerously." "The head rooster was Dennis." "He was a professional student who'd been living up in the attic... and lording over the place for the past six years." " Good morning, youngsters." " Morning." "Did you notice Rob skulk in last night?" "Perhaps a little trouble in doggy land?" "We could only hope." "Slosh brewed you up a fresh pot of coffee." "Dennis changed majors more often than he changed his underwear." "First cup o'joe of the day." "As for me, my name's Jack." "Happy-go-fuckin'-lucky as the day I was born." "Yeah, the salad days were winding down, and I wasn't sure... but I think I hated it." "There's something about seeing your ex-girlfriend slobbin' on... some other guy's knob that makes you say, "Thanks, babe." "I miss you too."" "Next." "Psychology major, right?" "Hey, I love my mother, but not as much as you guys say I do." "Check out my head size." "Think it needs to be shrunk?" "Next!" "Hey, break a leg." "No, break two." "You're a history of consciousness major, right?" "Next!" "You got me waiting in line ten minutes while you're tellin' fuckin' jokes." "Well, let's move it right along then, shall we?" " Name?" " Freeman, Jack." "Ooh." "I'm sorry." "I'm afraid I can't let you graduate... with the bad haircut, man." "Next." "I'm just kiddin'." "I already had you marked off." "Welcome to the real world." "And you know what?" "I like that "Hate" T-shirt." "The whole angry, young man, black thing." "Generation..." "You know what I mean?" " It's cool." " It's the name of a comic book." " Could I borrow your pen for a second?" " Absolutely." "You happy now, cocksucker?" "Next." "If she liked me she would have said..." ""Why don't you have a bagel and I'll join you?"" "She didn't even ask me..." "Mickey." "When are you gonna learn, man?" "You gotta be more aggressive, man." "You just..." " Excuse me, sir." " Yeah." " Two minutes." "Be right there." " Meet you over there?" "If you know so much, how come you slept at El Rancho last night?" "You know, it's really interesting how you celibates... all keep little tabs on my whereabouts." "What's that about?" "Think about the psychology there." "We had an argument about her mother." "I never even met this woman, and she's trying to exert her power over me." "You never met Joanie's mom before?" "I've been avoiding it for 18 months." " What's the big deal?" " It's not a big deal." "I just have a thing with moms." "I had a bad experience once." "Now, I'm about to move to L.A. with Joanie... and her mom... is renting us an apartment five minutes from her house." "My life is fast becoming..." "It's a joke." "My life's a joke." "Like..." "Yeah." "She's a beaut, ain't she?" "Yeah, it's nice." "You boys just graduating', ain't ya?" "Well, this is the machine for you." "I don't say that because I read it in some goddamn manual." "I say that from grade-A, numero uno, champion experience." "All right?" "Me and the missus, couple weeks ago... come out here in this particular machine." "Her mother rode along with us." "We got here, ten minutes later, they hit the road." "I ain't seen her since." "I don't know, goddamn it, what it's all about, but..." "Back to the truck." " Okay." "We just wanna..." " This here's the one." " I'm ready to hot-diggety deal." " I believe you." "Brilliant." "Absolutely wonderful." "No." "Really?" " You really think so?" " Oh, yes." "I particularly love those intriguing references to the Hopi." "Hopi?" "The Native American Indian tribe." "Yeah." "I've been there..." "out on that third mesa." "There in the middle of the Arizona desert is a simple, primitive people... that has kept its culture intact." "I got this belt buckle for a song." "That's really something." "So, you're gonna accept my thesis?" "Well, now..." "Walk with me." "Dennis, I like you, and I am positively wild about your work." "I know you're about to graduate, but I'd like you to stay on... and act as my assistant next year..." "my understudy, if you will." "There'll be credit towards your master's degree... and, of course, a modest stipend." "Luther, I don't know what to say, but..." "I got accepted to Michigan." "I'm starting a master's business program in the fall." "Dennis, a boy with your insight should not... stifle his creativity in the pursuit of filthy lucre." "Remember, my boy, it is poetry that will save the world... not commerce." "Corpus Christi pole." "Won't find another one between here and the Peruvian High Andes." "Please be careful!" "Culmination of centuries of the evolution of art." "Took my sculpture students two semesters to complete." "Well, it's pretty awe-inspiring." "Yes, it is, isn't it?" "You will think over my offer, won't you?" " Yes." "Yes, I definitely will." " Thanks, Dennis." "This truck here's callin' your name!" " You see that guy?" " Zoinks!" "That guy was heavy!" "That's gonna be me, man." "No, man." "I move in with Joanie, her mom creeps into my life." " I turn into that guy." " Joanie is not like that at all." "I wish I had your problem!" "Joanie's an incredible woman." "You'll deal." "I don't want to just deal." "I'm supposed to be excited about this." "You know I love her to death." "I'm not sure if I'm ready for this." "I'm stressed out." "I'm sick." "Look at my gums." " Look at that." " Oh, yuck!" "See that?" "I gotta go to the dentist now." "Excuse me." "You're Mickey, right?" " From "The Mickey Chronicles"?" " Yeah." " I think you're terrific." " Thanks." "Would you autograph this?" "Yeah." " There you go." " Thanks." " See you." " I..." "What's the matter with you?" "What are you doing?" "They're waiting for you to go talk to 'em." "No, they just like the comic strip." "I don't stand a chance with women like that." "Are you out of your mind?" "There's a legion of these little freshmen cho-cha who worship you." " You're like the black Ziggy." " Great." "I'm the little, lovable potato guy with no neck." "Oh, man, you shouldn't be stealin' beers from your gracious employer." " How come?" " It's unethical." "You should let me steal 'em." "Shit. 'Sides, you think there's a cornucopia... of shitty, menial jobs in this town for a college dropout like yourself?" "Hey, they're already open." "Slosh is the man." "Slosh!" " Hey, Doc." " What are you doin' back there, man?" "I'm gettin' cheese, Doc." "You know, groovin' to the tunes." "Okay, that's gonna cost you three bucks, same as a customer." "You know I don't like to get all heavy and uncool... but you think I'm running a soup kitchen?" "Hey, it's just a job, man." "I'll get another." "A couple years ago you were Mr. Straight Apple..." "Computer Science, Goody Two-shoes Guy." "Now look at you." "You're an embarrassment." "You could've had one of these, you know." "We got free pizza and beer." "Why don't you get off my nuts?" " They waving' at you?" " Yeah." "Fucker!" "Get out!" "Watch it, man!" "Jesus Christ!" "Fuck you!" "Do you know those fags?" "Yeah, a bunch of freshmen." "They just moved in." "Sorry about that." "It's an oldie but a goodie." " The young Slosh." " Our little boy." "He's grown up." "Honey, I'm home." "Scumbags!" "Where'd you get the pizza?" " From that place Slosh used to work at." " What, again?" "Howdy, sir." "Oh, man." "Slosh, you quit every two weeks." "Hey, this time I'm getting fired." "But if you guys don't want to share the windfall..." "Slosh is the man!" "Come on." "Brew me." " Here we go." " All right." " To Slosh." " Hey, Rob, where you goin'?" "I gotta pick up my paycheck." "I'll meet you at the boardwalk." "He's gotta check in with the warden first." "That's what's happening here." "Don't run off with Joanie." "Ride down with us." "It's a boys' night." "Don't be a whipped dog." "Oh, Jack." "Do we really want to talk about being pussy-whipped?" "Need I remind you of a certain woman... whose first name starts with the letter Dina?" "All right, fuck you." "I'm not going to bring her along, if that's what you're worried about." "Anymore smart-ass comments before I go?" "Yeah, just one." "Who's been using my coffee mug?" "I don't know." "Does anybody give a rip?" "I found it out on the front stoop." "Now, I thought I made this abundantly clear... that there are two things that nobody touches." "My Vespa and my mug." "That's right." "Now, come to find that one of you syphilitic swine... had his diseased lips on the thing?" " All right." "Have a stroke, Pappy." " Ah!" "See?" "The guilty party." "It's outrageous!" "You know, Chelsea said she'd be there tonight." "You like Chelsea now?" "Good for you." "You should go for her." "I didn't know you were planning another one of your Waterloos of love." "Me either." "Let's get going." "I don't want to miss this." "Oh, Christ." "Here they come." "Sorry we're late." "Joanie wanted to come." "I hope you guys don't mind me tagging along." "It's my last chance to go on the log ride." "No, by all means." "This collar looks a little tight." "Just brace yourself, Joanie." "The lads may get a tad immature for your tastes." "Just pretend I'm not here." "No, it's going to be a lot of fun." "Getting geared up for the move to L.A.?" "Yes." "I have so much to do." "I haven't even started packing..." "Yeah, right." "Let's get going before the lines get too long." "Hustle along." "Let's go." "Let's go." " Nobody beats the big log!" " You should've paddled faster." " Right!" " Sorry about that." "They started it." " She's all right." "Right, baby?" " Yeah, I'm fine." " Mickey!" "Guess who!" " What's up?" " Hey, Chelsea." " Hi, guys." " Ride the roller coaster with me." " I'm actually kind of hungry." " Ride the roller coaster." " I was about to get a chimichanga!" "You just had an ice-cream sandwich." " I sat on that!" " Go!" "Faster!" " What is wrong with him?" " You think she likes him?" "So we're leaving the chancellor's party." "We've got a case of wine and several trays of sushi... that we've purloined from the catering truck... and our good buddy Flailin' Ed sneaks upstairs." " That guy was a genius." " Who's Flailin' Ed?" " You don't wanna know." " Shut the fuck up." "Let him tell the story." "He was this Hunter S. Thompson-style drunk that..." " He used to live at El Rancho." " Right." "So we're thinkin'... what the hell is this guy gonna do?" "By now, he's out of his mind on amyl nitrate." "He's drooling, and he's got this..." "So, anyway, Ed moseys on up into the master bedroom... and drops a Lincoln log in the tub." "We had a great run, Slosh." "If you and Mickey get a nice apartment..." "You ever stop and wonder... what if what I got goin' is the best I'm ever gonna get?" "You'd be stupid not to make it last." "I was beginning to think, hey, fuck it." "One more spin on the merry-go-round, slick." "I'll pay you Tuesday." "Gimme some lovin'!" "What's the matter with you?" " Man, I'm starvin'." " You just ate!" "I didn't eat a damn thing all day." "Why do you give me shit every time I put something in my mouth?" " Because you got a fat ass." " You three can lick my crack." " Okay?" " Jack." "Phone." "Got it!" "Slosh, hang up the phone!" "Hello." "Oh, hey, Mom." "Do what?" "Do I have another girlfriend yet?" "That's funny, Mom." "No." "Gimme a break." "No, Mom, I haven't seen Dina in a while." "What?" "Graduation?" "It's... on Saturday." "No, I just figured you guys didn't want to." "It's basically the same as high school grad... the robes and the stupid square hats, so..." "Right." "Is Dad comin' too?" "Oh, great." "That's great." "It'll be a lot of fun." "Right." "Mom, I gotta go, all right?" "Yeah, okay." "I'll talk to you soon." "Me too, Mom." "Yeah." "See you Saturday." "Bye." "You're not gonna show this to anyone?" "You promise?" "I promise." "Ah, yes." "Very beautiful." " Okay, promise one more time." " Yes, I promise." "I promise." "Ooh, wow!" "Oh, my God!" "Okay." "No, come on!" "Okay, hold on." "Let me put this down." "I'm coming." "Don't you worry." "Just a second." "Just let me put this down." "Yes." "Hello." "Hi, Mom." " Oh, God, don't say Mom." " Wave." "You still have your shoes on." "It's still a little rough." "You try to get your guy to kill all the evil bunnies." "You know, Slosh, I bet if you change the bunny rabbits to... oh, say, Nazis or something, I bet you could sell that thing." "Nah, it's just for fun." "You know what?" "Guys, I'm not moving out." " What?" " You heard me." "I'm not movin' out." "I'm stayin' here for another year at El Rancho." " Oh, bullshit!" " Yeah, think about it." "Landlord ain't rented the place yet." "He'd be tickled three shades of pink to keep gettin' checks from us." "Right?" "Think about it." "You guys really wanna give this place up?" "What about the bar?" "This is a fuckin' great bar." "We're just gonna leave it here for the next asshole who moves in?" "We couldn't do that to the bar." "Mickey and I were gonna take it to the new apartment." "Had some good times at this bar, man." "Rob." "Remember when we got the glass cut and beveled to fit the top... what a pain in the ass that was?" "Wasn't cheap, that's for sure." "I don't know." "I just figured now that school's over..." "I think we owe it to ourselves." "Relax a little bit." "Take it easy." "A few grins." "If you guys stayed, that'd be fuckin' awesome, man." "Fuck, yeah, man!" "Yeah, it would!" "We could put the band back together." "Be like it was in the old days." "We'd have a fuckin' great time, man." "These punks are easy." "It's just you two guys." "Oh, no." "Don't start with me, man." "Rob." "Come on." "Where's our band gonna be without our suave, sexy, front man guy?" "After you quit on us, the band fell apart." " We're nothing without you." " Yeah!" "It's not gonna work." "Dennis." "Business school in Michigan?" "Who are you kidding?" "You got three degrees already." "The whole thing's a joke." "You gonna walk away from your photography... after you spent a year on it?" "You're finally gettin' your eye." "It's startin' to look good." "Okay, okay." "Actually, it's sort of funny that you bring this up... because Luther sort of offered me an apprenticeship." " What?" " He asked me to stay on next year." " Are you serious?" " Yes, I am." "He is offering me a salary and credit towards my MFA." "Dennis, you've been dying to transfer to Michigan since I met you." "Yes, I know." "So, I will defer my enrollment." "I mean, come on!" "What's another year?" "Right?" "I mean, we're young and stupid and unattached." " Yes!" " Yes." "I was going to live with my brother." "That can wait." "Joanie's not gonna wait." "She'll flip out." "You gotta be kiddin' me!" "Rob, you can't fight this, man." "Come on!" "I need this." "We all need this." "Jesus Christ, let's rage against the dying of the light a little bit." "Yeah!" "Come on!" "You don't want to end up like the rental truck guy." "Forget about the skirt." "There are more where she came from." "Throw off the shackles!" "It'll be like the fuckin' old days." "Please, Rob!" "I'm begging you!" "I'm on my hands and knees, kissing your smelly ass!" "All right!" "Let's do it!" "Just stay away from my ass!" "Hey, bring your friends to El Rancho tomorrow night." "Free beer." "Oh, yeah!" "You know how long it's been since I've been with anybody besides Joanie?" " No, but I bet you do." " Eighteen months." "Ouch!" "That's a long time for the king of swing." " I think she likes you." " Yeah." "There you go." "That's a Mickey original." "Mick, you're a mindblower." "Hey, is that that nut beer?" " Why don't you give me some?" " Get out of here, you cheap screw." " Buy your own." " Come on." "Why are you coming at me with the "cheap screw" thing?" "I just want a taste." "Every time we go out, you buy that piss water... and then you want my import." " You think I'm not onto this routine?" " Thanks a lot!" "Watch out for that stuff." "There's stuff in there that'll give you butt cancer." "What are you talkin' about?" "This is good beer." "No, delicious, no doubt... but the darker-yielding hops... tend to get trapped in your colon and fester... until that magical moment... when your prostate drops out like a peach pit." "Wait!" "Oh, Edgar." "There's been a terrible mistake here." "This party was last weekend, Edgar." "The party is over." "They've already cleaned up all the cups." "Sorry." " Who invited that dork?" " Treacherous little bastard." "Who's responsible?" "Slosh!" "Come here, Slosh." " Come here a second." " Hey, what's up, bros?" " Did you invite the pud-whacker?" " Who?" "The pud-whacker!" "The fuckin' action man over there." " Who told you to invite him?" " Come here." "You see, Edgar used to live in your room, okay?" "He's a compulsive little jerk-off artist." "He's an idiot." "He owes us 200 bucks for the phone bill." " Always staring' at Joanie." " I'm sorry." "No more pud-whackers." " We have a reputation to hold up here." " That's right." "Women." " Mr. Mick." " Mickey." "You wanna put some diapers on that thing?" "Jay, can we get a nipple for Mickey's beer?" "Just a minute." "My number one big spender is buying shots for everybody." " Welcome back!" " Yeah!" "People say nothing is forever." "If that's true, how do you explain herpes or the Grateful Dead?" "I say forever's for people who got the balls to make it last." "We were back, all right." "I was gonna prove all these pricks wrong." "Tomorrow, after the graduation ceremony, the studio will be open." "Please feel free to bring along your friends and relatives." "Show off your excellent work." "Once again, thank you." "See you tomorrow." " Luther." " Yes, Jack." "I just wanted to know what you thought of my final piece." "You'll receive my written assessment in the mail in a couple days." "I know." "I just wanted to hear it from you." "All right." "To be perfectly honest with you, I find it muddled." "It seems to me you get lost in abstractionism... and you lose sight of your real feelings." "My real feelings?" "It's the old argument, Jack." "Art isn't just the vomiting up of adolescent angst." "Real art is subject to a complex filtration system... allied to tried and true structures." "I look at your stuff, and what do I see?" "I see 20th-century American suburbia." "It doesn't resonate." "That was why I was so keen to have you participate... in the Corpus Christi totem." "Yeah, but, Luther, I told you..." "I've never even been to Tijuana, much less 15th-century South America." "You know?" "What does a Corpus Christi totem mean to me?" "All the other students were prepared to open themselves... to a multicultural experience." "That is why they have gone full circle and why they..." "They are full of shit and have no personality!" "I mean, this multiculturalism thing is completely bullshit!" "I was raised in the suburbs." "That's what I'm trying to express." "That's what I know." "So you intend to captivate people... with the plight of the affluent, white American male." "Well, I have some shocking news for you." "Nobody cares." "He's givin' me his song and dance about the tried and true structures... and all that bullshit." "Hold on." "I'm sorry." "Oh, Mickey?" "How much longer?" "Five minutes." "So then he said my stuff was muddled vomit." " Ouch!" " Yeah." "Can you believe that wanker?" " You're kidding me." " No." "Oh." "Well..." "I hate to be the fart in your soup bowl, but... he loved mine." " What?" " Yeah." "I threw in my "Working Boy" photo essay." "Oh, my God!" "You just finished that yesterday!" "He loved it." "I'm telling you, man, Luther went crazy for it." "What?" "Slosh doing vodka shots in his johnson holders?" "Yeah, Rancho." "Yeah, party here tonight." "What can I tell you?" "We're back." "All right, bring everybody." "Check it out, Jack." "Luther said that I brought a compelling, socio-scatological edge to my work." " You're pullin' my rip cord, right?" " No." "Not even a little bit." "You know he wants to shuck your corncob, don't you?" "You know, when you get like this, it's just sad." "You slap this shit together, he loves it." "He gives me a speech on the filtration process." " What does that tell you?" " That you're a dolt and a homophobe." "What?" "It's just beyond the realm of possibility that he likes my work?" "I got it!" "Let's go!" "You think I like having incredible powers of perception?" " Slosh, we're gonna go get the kegs." " Consider the ulterior motives." "Drop it, will ya." "I can do this, right?" "I'm just nervous, you know?" "Don't worry about it." "We're back." "Dudes of steel, right?" "Yeah!" "There you go." "You look good." "Yeah?" "Oh, man." "You're not gonna wear that, are you?" "That "Too Drunk To Fuck" button." "You're not gonna wear that." "Hey, this thing works like fuckin' magic." "You put this fuckin' button on, and immediately... drunk chicks come up and say, "Is that really true?"" "Please, don't be offended if I laugh in your face." "That is ridiculous." "Four simple words pack a lot of punch." "For one thing, it shows good taste in music, which you obviously lack." "Two, a self-deprecating sense of humor... which women fuckin' love." "Three, this sort of angst-ridden... sexual mysteriousness thing that I got goin' on." "Oh, man!" "Well, so much for sexual mysteriousness." "I don't recall you gettin' anywhere at the last party." "No, that's right, but I could have." "Okay?" "Easily." "These are monastic times, my friend." "All portent and no payoff is a win." "And I won big!" "So, I'm a photographer." "Actually, I teach university... and I'm looking for somebody to do some modeling for me." "There may be some nudity required." "I don't know." "Oh, hey, Mickey." "Where are you goin'?" " Piss." " All right." "Wait up." " Hey!" " Hey, who's that?" "You guys almost got me, man." "Oh." "Hey, Crazy." "Didn't you see the band of Orks go by?" " Orks?" " Well, we kind of live here." "Aren't we by the castle in the woods?" " No." " No." "Hey, why don't you go back to Ye Olde Pub... and have yourself a pint of ale?" "I was just tying' my shoes." "I know." "It's cool." "You gonna be ready to play later?" " I wasn't in the bushes, man." " Okay." "That's fine." "Some guitar player you got there." "Well, by now you should be knee-deep... in a certain young lady's underpants, huh?" "I see how well you're doin'." "Listen." "Always do as I say, not as I do." "If you get thirsty, come on back over here." "Or if you wanna rap or need another drink... just come on back and let me know, all right?" "Ya hot-blooded little monkey." " She's cute, Jack." " So what?" "One more line, you would've bagged her." "You think so?" "What's up with you and Mickey?" "Nothing." "No sir." "He treats me like I'm his sister." "I'm condemned to wallflower status." "I'm gonna die a lonely old maid." "Are you fishing for a compliment?" "You can forget about it." "Beat it, would ya?" "I'm tryin' to get laid over here, all right?" "Beer?" "You're the rapscallions putting' up the basketball hoop, right?" "That's us." "We just moved into the house down the block." "So you get to live with Slosh, huh?" "Was he always this psycho?" " Was Slosh always psycho?" " Yeah." "Okay." "I'm not going to candy coat this for you." "He is a psychotic, maniac drunk." "Okay?" "Been that way since I met him." "6:00 a. m?" "Kid's shot out of a cannon." "All right?" "Doesn't stop..." "until the beer is gone." "Is Slosh a psycho?" "Yeah!" "He's a psycho!" "All right, now beat it." "You guys bug me." "Get the hell out." "I'm finished." "Go on!" "Don't give me big, Bambi-doe eyes." "Beat it!" "Are you gonna get that?" "No." "Fuck 'em." "They're just gonna complain." "All right." "Op Ivy, Screeching Weasel..." "How come you have... all those pictures of Jim Belushi on your wall?" "John Belushi." "He was a genius." "He had the class to die in his prime." "Here we go, NOFX." "Can I tell you something?" "Sure." "I always thought you were cute." "When we would play spring softball together..." "I'd always look at your butt." "Chelsea." "Did you really?" "Yeah!" "What... about Mickey?" "I thought you guys..." "I don't know." "Mickey doesn't like me, and I like you." "Mickey!" "What's wrong, man?" "Man, the same old story." "What happened?" "You look like a dog's ass." "We got any vodka?" "God, I hope that isn't true." "Wait a minute." "Chels, I'm..." " I'm not into this." " Why?" "Is it about Mickey?" " Mickey doesn't like me." " No, it's not about Mickey." "It's about you." "I'm not into it." " Okay?" " What did I do?" "Nothing." "You didn't do anything." "It's me." "You're not my type." "All right." "Look, we're not gonna talk about this, okay?" "I'm really sorry." "God, I'm such an idiot!" "Wait a second." "What I'm trying to say is..." "Chelsea!" " Hey!" "Psycho bro!" " Hey, dude!" "You shredded our lawn!" " You got that beer bong back here?" " Yeah." " Right here." " There it is!" " Enjoy it!" " Oh, yeah!" "Hello?" "Dina!" "Hi, Dina." "Yeah, it's me, Jack." "Listen..." "I just..." "I'm sorry." "Did I wake you up?" "I didn't mean to call so late." "I just called up because..." "I have something I want to ask you, if that's all right." "Listen, Dina." "I just wanna say..." "I just wanna say..." "Fuck you!" "Fuck you!" "Thank you... and welcome to Rancho, where the stars shine bright... and the moon goes down so it won't be hit by the stars." "Hey!" "If my singer and drummer would get the hell down here!" "We're supposed to be on stage!" "What up?" "Slosh puke again?" "What's the problem?" "What?" "I can't believe I let you talk me into this." "Will you look at me?" "I look like Jam Master Shecky!" "God!" "What are you, fucking insane, man?" "The pimp jacket is tits!" "What's the stress factor?" "What's the stress factor?" "I look like an asshole." "I haven't sung in a year." "Let's have Mickey DJ the party." "I don't want to make a fool out of myself." "Did you smell this thing?" "Smell that." "Pardon me, Mr. Fuckin' Highfalutin Econ Guy... but this bitch-slappin', pimp-ass fuckin' coat is your trademark." " You wore it at every gig." " We only had five gigs." "You gonna be a baby?" "You gonna be a pussy about it?" "Forget it." "That's fine, 'cause Slosh was gonna do a song." "He'll wear the coat." "We could have him do your whole set." "You don't need to worry." "Whoa, wait!" "Don't beg me." "I'll do it." "Is everybody happy?" "Look at that girl Juliet-cious" "And me, I'm so cool I'm Romeo Sid Vicious" "Bring on the ball and the cruisers" "Santa Claus and Santa Cruz is where the bruisers can be losers" "Hey, lookit there It's a dude" "Well, the dude is crude The dude is rude, the dude is lewd" "The dude is crude The dude is stewed, the dude is nude" "Oh, can't you tell" "That dude is steel" "Hey!" "We have to wrap this up." "But before we do, Slosh would like to do a song." "Slosh!" "Where are you, man?" "No way, chief!" "You're gonna sing one?" "All right!" "I didn't know this was your band!" "It's my band." "Come on, baby!" "Do it, man!" "Do it!" "You're the man!" "You're the man!" "Oh, yes!" "Very nice!" " Whee-ee-ee." " Hey, baby." "Hey, woman." "Neat threads." "Where are all your hos?" "Yeah." "I figured, why not?" "It's all a part of the show." "You know what I mean?" "Why don't you give me..." "Rob!" "You're all sweaty and gross!" "Don't!" "I was thinking." "We should start our own little Josie and the Pussycats band." " What do you think?" " Yeah!" "Get a song and sing it over and over and scream it into the microphone." "It'll be great." "Oh, Rob." "You're not going to go get your scrotum pierced or anything, are you?" "Well." "Whoa!" "Joanie, come here." "Can I talk to you for a second?" "Uh-oh!" "I think I'm going to get a talking to." " I'll be right over there, girls, okay?" " Stand strong." " All right." "Over here?" " Yeah." "Over here." "One, two, three, four!" "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "You think I was trying to be funny out there?" "What?" "You were kooky." "You know, wacky." "Hey, don't do that." "Don't do that." "Don't you come over here to my house... and belittle me and my housemates... in front of these little fuckin' teenyboppers." "This means something to me." "You know what?" "When me and my friends get together and we get all cuckoo-wacky... that's the real me." "I'm a cuckoo-wacky bastard." "Oh!" "So... this is the real you." "Yeah, that's right." "And which one of you... was the guy who told me to shut up in front of his friends?" " Is that the real you?" " I guess that is the real me." "I'm an asshole." "You didn't know that?" "No, I didn't know that." "But thanks." "I'm glad we got this straightened out." "Yeah." "Me too." " I think I should be going." " Yeah, why don't you?" "Have fun at breakfast with Mommy." "Drive fucking careful!" "Now we are 21 Now we have to get things done" "We can't watch Brady Bunch We can't eat Cap'n Crunch" "No!" "When I was 17 I used to watch TV" "But now I'm 21 and I drink way too much" "Twenty-one Now we are 21" "Now we are 21" "Now we are 21" "Hey!" "Who the fuck let the bacon in here?" "Freebird!" "Free-fucking-bird!" "Free-fucking-bird!" "Up the academy." "Oh, God!" "Hey, Mickey." "What happened with Chelsea?" "Did you make it happen?" " I don't want to talk about it." " Oh, come on." "Spill yon beans, sonny boy." "You didn't say anything stupid, did ya?" "All I know is that she left early." "Stop breakin' his nads." "I saw that female freak-out Joanie pulled on you." "Oh, yeah, man." "That was ugly." "Fuck!" "I'm supposed to be having breakfast with her mother." "Oh, yikes!" "Meetin' the mom." "Dennis, what happened to that chick you were dancin' with?" "Oh, her." "Well..." "I talked to her at some length... and, quite frankly, found her substandard." " Oh, God!" "Fuck you!" " No, it's true." "We spoke in detail, and I decided that... there was something genetically impolite about her." "Come on!" "Drink!" "What's wrong with you people?" "This sucks." "I swear, it's the same after every party." "Everybody goes home, and I end up sittin' here with you dickheads." "Mick, you're better off this way, believe me." "This is what freedom's all about." "With a girlfriend, you get a constant supply." "It's the same meal every day, but you never go hungry." "Now, single guys like us... obviously, there are no regular meals... but when it's finally chow time... it's a smorgasbord." "A little bit of this, a little bit of that." "Some smorgasbord." "I'm stuffed." "Sometimes it rains, sometimes it doesn't, but ask yourself:" "Do you really want a girlfriend... or just some comforting, disease-free harbor... where you can park your genitals?" "I want to be in love." "He wants to be in love!" "Sure, see how long that lasts." "I'll tell ya, it's like Camus was right." "The greatest love affair in the world... is where you get a woman, she fuckin' loves you, you know?" "And right in the middle of the salad days... when you're still stupid in love with each other, she dies." "She never gets a chance to dump you." "She never gets to drag her family into it." "That's right." "You never get sick of her." "Love never fades." "To Camus!" " Camus!" " Camus!" "To Al!" "Me and Dina were supposed to go to Bali after graduation." "That clown will probably take her to Six Flags." "Hope he falls off the loop-de-loop." "To make matters worse, I had the parental units for the day." "Hey, Mom." " Well, "con-graduations."" " In Catcher In the Rye..." "Holden Caulfield said something to the effect of... whenever you get someplace new and exciting... somebody else has been there first and scribbled "fuck you" on it." "For me, that person was my father." " Dad." "Good to see you." " Jack." "So... you find the hotel all right?" "Oh, yes." "Right next to the methadone clinic." "By the way, what was all that hooting and hollering... during the commencement speech?" "I remember my graduation as being much more solemn." "It's just Santa Cruz." "We're a lot more casual up here." "What do you plan to do now that you've graduated?" "Well, I've only been a college graduate for 17 minutes... so I don't know yet." "Well, according to my calculations... that's 17 minutes behind anyone who's planned ahead." "Hey, guys!" "We finally made it!" "Yeah, we did." "This whole thing's a travesty." "Are your folks not coming up to celebrate?" "Yeah, right!" "This is my third degree." "They don't bother anymore." "Ooh!" "I'll tell you one thing." "That Felicia's got a neat little turd cutter on her." "Jesus." "You gotta help me out here, Dennis." "Joanie and her mom are lurking out there somewhere." "I don't want to get shackled down like some mutt, right?" "No, you don't." "You tell that hag and her skunk of a mother to drop dead." "Yeah, I better find her, huh?" "All my relatives were gonna come up for my graduation next year." "And instead you slapped them in the face, huh?" "Pretty much." "My mom says my granddad cries every time they mention my name." "He's from the old country." "What, is he Sicilian?" "Come on!" "Don't give me the family disgrace crap." " You don't understand Asian culture." " I know." "I'm just a big ol' white dummy." "Look, despite your obvious racial handicap... you are an American citizen now, so act like one." "We shit all over our families, and then we have kids... who grow up to be as big a fuck-ups as we are." "I guess I have that to look forward to." "That's right." "Which one is it?" "It's here." "It's this one." "It's so shiny!" "This is wild." "Is this yours too?" "No, Mom." " Aha." " Good." "Okay." "I really like it, Jack." "It's really cute." "Dad?" "Well, what are you gonna do with it?" "I'm not gonna do anything with it." "I just... was wondering what you thought." "Oh, look at..." "the hand, and..." "It's cast metal, isn't it?" "How much would you say it weighs?" "Hey." "What's goin' on?" " Congratulations." " Huh?" "Oh, yeah." "Listen, Joanie..." "I'm sorry about what I said at the boardwalk." " No, I'm sorry." " I was really..." "It'll never happen again." "I blew the prime directive of girlfriending." "I got between a guy and his friends." "So, Monday..." "it's right around the corner." "Yeah, I been thinkin' about it." " Maybe we could talk..." " Oh." "Here she is." " Oh... shit." " This is no big deal, okay?" "Okay." "All right." "Hi, Mom." "Mom, this is Rob." "Rob, this is my mother." "Why, hi there." "You okay?" "Here, babe." "Drink some." "Oh!" "He's choking!" "I just need to catch my breath." "Push!" "It's okay, Mrs. Crump!" "I'm okay." "It's fine." "I'm fine." "You still have something coming out of your nose." "Let's start all over." "I'm Joanie's mom." " You can just call me Vicki." " Hi." "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." "I don't know, Mickey." "I'm beginning to think I need to find myself a nice mute woman." " Like the one in that movie." " Like the one at the ticket office." " No." "Christ, not her." " What's wrong with her?" "Randy's having a beach bonfire at Seabright." "Are you gonna go?" " I don't know." " Come on." "If the grunion run up on the beach, we can hit 'em with sticks." "Dennis and I were gonna hang out... and do some graduation celebrating' and stuff." " We might come after." " Okay." " Maybe I'll see you later." " Yeah." " Oh, fuck!" "I don't believe her, man." " You're an idiot." "Oh, Dennis." "Excuse me, please." "Really, I think there's something wrong with you." "Something very, very wrong." "I want you to stop by the faculty luncheon this afternoon." "Meet some of the people you'll be working with." "To tell you the truth, I just made plans." "Well, piss on your plans." "Stop by for a few minutes." "Hobnob with the good and the great, hmm?" "There'll be free drink." "Perhaps that will provide you with sufficient motivation." "Well... okay, I'll see you there." "Impress everyone." "Make me look good." "I will." "Ahh." "Excellent." "Now, Jack, tell me." "That girl you've been going around with." "What about her?" "Dina?" "We don't talk much anymore." "I never did get the story straight." "Who dumped who, dear?" "Well, I guess she dumped me, Mom." "You guess?" "Why would she do that?" "She just..." "fell out of love with me." "People just don't fall out of love, dear." "They need a little shove." "Was she sleeping with both of you at once?" " Christ, Mom!" " Look, Jack." "You're a college graduate." "Don't be so milquetoast." "You loved her, didn't you?" "Are we still on this?" "Yeah, I did." "She was the best." "It's been a while though." "Don't you think you should be over her by now?" "I don't know, Mom." "Is there a time limit?" "What do you guys want me to say?" "I'm sorry." "Yes, I still love her." "All right." "If that's the case, fine." "Go get her." "Tell her you love her." "Sweep her off her feet." "You guys are missing something." "She dumped me." "Oh, Jack." "Don't be a horse's ass." "Either fish or cut the bait, hmm?" "Don't be pining away over a girl like some chump." "You know?" "Go get her!" "We still have your bedroom at the house." "You two can live there!" "That's it." "I'll pull some strings and get you into work." "We'll start you in shipping." "You're getting a late start, but in a couple of years..." "I'm sure you can make something of yourself." "You guys are flippin' out, man." "Jesus, Mary and the Apostles, boy!" "When are you going to get serious?" "You think this is, a damn game?" "I just made you a goddamned sensible offer!" "Darryl, please." "You're gonna make a scene." "Listen to me!" "I don't care if the girl is in or out." "Make a goddamn decision!" "What's with you guys?" "What did I do?" "What's with all the pressure?" "We love you, Jack." "You know that." "We're proud you went away to college." "We're not so happy you got a degree in art." "Why not?" "It's not worth anything." "It has no cash value." "It's time to give up." "You've had four years to be happy and do what you want." "But..." "I want to do what I want my whole life." " Oh, Jack!" " What?" "Life is not a fairy tale." "But, Dad..." "I don't want to be some zombie climbing the corporate ladder." "You'll learn to like it!" "It's the American way!" "Don't even bother." "Stop trying to talk sense into him." "Go out there and see how many people are going to pay you... to arrange garbage into neat little piles." "Oh, waiter?" "Check, please, when you have a chance." "I need to go to the bathroom." "May I be excused?" "Hey!" "Whoa!" "Where you going with that video game, young man?" "What do you care?" "You guys never play it." "I would've gotten around to it eventually." "All right." "Mom, Dad..." "No!" "Just shut up and listen to me for a second!" "I appreciate everything you've done for me... but I'm my own man now." "But I'm my own man now." "You both had a chance to screw up your lives... so just... back off." "Give me a chance to screw up mine." "Mom." "All right." "Don't cry." "It's okay." "It's fine." "Dad." "Thank you." "I appreciate that." "It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong like that." "I love you too." "What are you doing?" "You're ditching me here?" "He's a man of the world." "He'll find his way." "Send us a postcard from Skid Row!" "What?" "Wait!" "I got something to say!" "Thanks a lot." "Whoa!" "Man, this is phat!" " You made this?" " Yep." "Thanks for bringing this over." " Somebody fuckin' brew me." " Andy, beer!" "Come on!" "Brew!" "Here you go, man." "All right." "Stew's the man." "I felt like it didn't matter if I was there or not." "You looked at me and you were all, "Hi, Theresa."" "Like you weren't even glad to see me." "And Danielle's all, "What's with you and Doug?"" "I'm like, "Why?" She's all, "It doesn't seem like you guys are talking."" "This always happens when we're at parties." "Does not." "I don't do the hugging, kissing... public-display-of-affection thing." "It's something that should be better kept in private." "It makes me feel like you don't even care." "What?" "Because I'm not actively showing you my adoration?" "Yeah!" " Excuse me." " What?" "Would you guys mind just shutting up?" "Keep your pathetic little relationship to yourselves." "Hello." "Me?" "Why?" "Good, because I'm not going to forget about this, okay?" "Hey!" "Why don't you mind your own business?" "Chick, you're making it my business." ""Chick"?" "So I'm a chick now." "Who do you think you are, telling people what to do?" "I don't want to hear your dirty laundry." "I think I speak for everyone here." "Keep it to yourself." "You don't speak for me, and you don't tell me what to do!" "Just shut the fuck up!" "Okay?" "Ride the fucking bus!" "How hard is that?" "Keep to yourself." "Just shut up!" " What the hell is going on?" " You're lucky I don't know karate." " So lucky." " All right." "Settle down, Doug." "This had better be good." "What seems to be the problem?" "He called me "chick."" "A "chick"?" "Not on my bus." "You're out of here." "What?" "You may get away with that language on the 2 or the 7, but not on the 3!" " That kind of language doesn't..." " Fuck you, man!" "Fuck me?" "Fuck you, buddy!" "Hey, buddy!" "Let go!" "Give me my fuckin' shirt back!" "You want your shirt back?" "Learn to treat a woman with some respect." " Then you'll get your shirt back." " Spaz-o." " You're not so tough now, are you?" " Fuck you!" "Fuck off!" "Don't hit my bus!" "Jerk-off!" "You jerk... off." "You wouldn't believe my fuckin' day." "Keg tapped out?" "You want to get a twelver and shred?" "You all right?" "I tell you, man, I don't get it." "You know who she's going out with now?" "Who who's going out with?" "Dina." "You know who's the new me?" "What do you care?" "I thought you were over her." "She's got some new fucking boyfriend now." "You know him." "That fuckin' guy with the bug with Bob Marley on the door." " That greasy guy?" " Yeah." "Dumped me for some white trash Rastafarian." "Bullshit." "I envy you." "You got the good life now with Chelsea." "I got no kind of life with Chelsea." "You could have, if you put in any effort." " She likes you." " What?" "That's fine." "I want you two to be happy together." "Are you talking about the party when she came up to my room?" "Has this been an issue for you?" "You've been stewing on this." "She did that to make you jealous." "Yeah." "Yeah, I'll bet." "She only came up there to provoke a response." "What does it take to light a fire under your ass anyway?" "You're unbelievable, man." "You know that?" "You get off on being a poor little guy who can't get a girlfriend?" "I'll tell you what else she did." "She put my balls in her mouth." "She put my nuts in her mouth and hummed "The Star-Spangled Banner."" "All right." "See?" "There you go." "What the fuck's the matter..." "All right." "Take it easy!" "Jesus Christ!" "All right!" "I made all that shit up." "I was trying to piss you off." "She's a fine young lady... fine, upstanding young citizen." "Nice little titties too." "I'm sorry, man." "I was just kidding." "I'm a bigger dumb shit than you are." "I'm getting advice from you, and you're carrying a torch for Dina." "That's right." "See how great having a girlfriend is?" "Aren't you just dying for a steady gal pal... who'll love, cherish and betray you?" "You should try it." "It's a lot of fun." "All right, you guys." "Tremendous." " Nice meeting you, Rob." " Nice meeting you." "See you." "I'll see you later." "All right." "I'll call you." " Bye." " We'll talk." "So, you met the mom, huh?" "Yeah." "We went for chowder and went up to the Mystery Spot." "It was boring." "Looked like you were hitting it off." "What's up with that?" "If you want to call it that." " You got lipstick on you." " What?" "Stop playing house darts!" "You're wrecking the furniture." "All right!" "House darts!" "Forget it, Rob!" "Stop with the darts!" "You're so cool." "Guys, we've got some beers here." "The fine brew." "The elixir of the gods." "I realize now that my only salvation... lies at the bottom of this bottle." "Uh, guys?" "Are you guys really staying?" "What does that mean?" "It's just that Stew and those guys down the street... just asked me to move in." "Unless you guys are staying, then I'll be moving there." "So you'd sell us out?" "No." "I just wanted to be sure before I said no." "Is everyone for sure staying?" "Yeah, we're fuckin' staying, man!" "I can't leave this place yet." "Slosh, what's the matter with you?" "We got a beach party to go to." "Brew these fuckin' guys before we all die of thirst here." "Fine." "Forget it." "Fuck you, then." "Mickey, come on." "Dennis, come on." "Pound these down." "The fun's just beginning." "Up the academy, right?" "This is the fun." " Jack." " What?" "Would you mind maybe staying outside?" "What for?" "They got free cocktails." "I know." "But you're all amped up, and you hate Luther anyway." "Just let me get in, get the job." "I'll be out in two seconds." "You better fucking bring me something." "You want me to stay out here with you?" "This is spiffy." "This is where our tuition goes." "Little taco things!" "There you are, Dennis." "You brought the entire motley crew with you." "Luther, good to see you." "I'll see you guys later." "I was going to introduce you to the rest of the faculty... but you know most of them, and those you don't are so boring..." "I think we'll skip that." "Really?" "Dennis, I would so much prefer... to be naked and drunk on a beach in Thailand... than here wrestling for tenure." "I know what you mean." "Sometimes you get sick of playing the game." "I am old and cynical." "I'm allowed to be bitter." "You're still young." "You should be filled with ideals." "If I was a Peruvian Indian, the last place I'd want... my harvest totem planted would be in this pseudo-intellectual shit-house." "There goes Rossi... the man who almost single-handedly sunk the theater department." "Did you see their production of The Crucible?" "With the surfer guy playing the lead pilgrim?" "Oh, dear." "It's all going down so fast." "But, if we're smart, we can winnow out a little place... and sit and fiddle... and watch the whole damn civilization burn down." "It'd beat a jab in the eye with a sharp stick any day." "We're going to have a lot of laughs together." "You know... my life really needs a good kick in the backside." "I'm 48 years of age." "My friends are turning into fossils." "I so desperately need... a young person to give my life a little jump start." "Let's make sure that we're both turned to the same page here." "I thought this was about my work... not extracurricular fun and games together." "It is about your work." "Don't forget, art comes from the soul." "Love of one leads naturally to an appreciation of the other." "Okay, I can see I've overstepped the bounds of your interest." "Fine." "Forget it." "After all, it really is your painting I'm interested in." "You've got a pretty good scam going on here, man." "I'll see you around." "I want you to know that I am sincere." "Photography." "I am a photographer, not a painter." "I can't believe I'm hanging out with all these fucking art wankers." "Wait a minute." "What happened to your job interview?" "Well..." "I never thought I would say this, but... all I am is a pretty face." "Ouch." "I hate it when I'm right all the time." "Luther's a bozo deluxe." "I mean, my degree, it's just a fucking joke." "It's getting stale real fast, man." "Dudes, I saw Dennis out back with Jack." "Didn't seem like things worked out with Luther." " There they are." " Where?" "They just took off down the hill with the chain saw." "Shall we?" "Go!" " Dear bloody Jesus Christ." " Call Security." "Let's get out of here!" " What's the time, man?" " It's time for love." "We're through with the monkey business, kids." "Very nice." "Fuck me." "What's wrong?" "Oh, Dina." "Can you believe that shit?" "Fucking bitch." "She has to come here." "Fuck it." "I don't give a shit." "Fuck it." "I'm just going to sit here in the dunes and drink myself stupid." "So..." "Josh... what's it like not being in school?" "It's a lot less strife." "You get a job, pay for the rent." "You get bored, you quit and move on to the next one." "Yeah?" "You enjoy yourself at least?" "Yeah, I am." "Mainly thanks to you, bro." "How's that?" "I always admire the way you always do what you want." "Some of it rubbed off on me." "Yeah, but you got kicked out of school." "Yeah." "That wasn't me then." "I was still that other guy." "Great." "Give me credit for ruining your life." "I showed you how to be a fucking drunk slob." "Is that what you guys all think?" "That I'm some fucking out-of-control idiot?" "I'm not, man." "I looked at all my options, made a choice and went with it." "You went with what?" "What do you got?" "No more fear." "I never really wanted to be in college... so I started fucking around and flunked out." "I thought the world would end." "It didn't." "That's when I realized... you just got to throw caution out the door... and let life hit you full in the face... live life like a fucking dog that rides in a car... head out the window, ears flapping in the breeze." "Of all people, I thought you'd understand that." "Changed my life, man." "Shit, I don't know what the fuck's going to happen next week... but I'm not afraid." "No more fear, huh?" "You figured that out by watching me flail around like a dummy?" "I guess so." "Goody for you." "Meanwhile, the answer to my every hope and prayer... is down there with her new boyfriend's dick in her mouth." "Man, you got to figure this out and move on." "Why don't you go talk to her?" "Whatever goes down goes down, and that's cool." "What the fuck do you know?" "Dog's head flapping in the wind." "Fucking idiot." " You have." " Yeah." "Hey, Dina." "Can I talk to you for a second?" "So what?" "Is that what you needed your freedom for?" "So what?" "Is that what you needed your freedom for?" "To go out with that guy?" "He's a little defensive." "And how would you feel?" "I've got some deranged ex-boyfriend calling me at night, harassing me." "I wasn't harassing you." "I said "fuck you" once." "I was drunk." "Jesus Christ, give me a break." "Once is plenty." "Do you have to be such a dick?" "You don't even know him." "All right." "Hold on one second." "This is not how I imagined this conversation happening." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to yell at you." "Let's just start over, okay?" "I'd like to try the whole thing over again... our relationship." "Wait a minute." "Listen to me." "Whatever's wrong with it, I can fix it." "I'm more in love with you now than I ever have been." "I realized it the other day when I saw you... kissing him while he was waiting for the light to change." "You used to do that to me." "What is so special about me?" "Why do you even care?" "I don't know." "I don't know what's going on anymore." "When I was fucking 18, 19, I was great." "I had a fucking blast." "I had a great time." "And now it's like nothing's funny anymore, nothing makes me laugh." "I mean, not really." "I'm 22 years old." "Three lousy years went by." "Where's all the funny shit?" "What the fuck happened?" "'Cause I'm totally fucking miserable now... and it's like I'm asking myself..." ""Is this all I got?"" "I mean, isn't there a third option... between burning out and then fading away?" "Is that all I get?" "You know, and I realized..." "I figured it out." "It's you." "I mean... you're what's going to keep me sane." "You're not in love with me, Jack." "Okay?" "Listen to me." "I'll tell you what you're doing." "You're obsessing... and you have to stop... because you are starting to scare me." "No." "Dina, listen to me." "I'm telling you, this is love." "This is real love." "This is like fucking poet love." "I feel it in my marrow." "I love you." "I don't care." "I don't know how else to say it." "I'm not going to be your security blanket." "Dina, wait a second." "Dina, please!" "Okay?" "Don't do this to me." "Please, Dina." "I'm begging you." ""This is poet love"!" "What a fucking loser!" "So much for sweeping her off her feet." "Thanks, Ma." "I had the boys strap my dignity to the hood of the car... and we headed home." "All right." "House darts, anyone?" "Anyone?" "Oh, yeah." "Hey, house darts!" "I got to talk to you." "If you don't want to talk, that's fine." "I'll be upstairs." "Sideburn." " Little Hawaiian thing." " Pelvis." "What's the deal with this painting?" "I've always hated this painting." "Who's is it?" "It's, uh, what's his name." "Fishfucker." " The guy who used to be in my room." " Yeah." "Cocksucker." "All right!" "Elvis has left the building." "Can I come in?" "So... what are you so grumpy about?" "I like you." "I like you too." "No." "I'm not talking about that." "I like you, too, but I'm talking about something totally different." "See..." "I like you, the kind of "like you"... where I..." "I get to see you naked." "Just hold on a minute." "See, I can't do this anymore." "I can't." "This palsy-walsy thing is..." "You know..." "Before you say anything, I just want you to know what to expect." "People are going to know that we're together." " Is there anything else?" " Just this." "I'll... be right back." "Time for another one." "Ready?" "What do you think you're doing?" "Some drunk asshole broke a lamp." "Now he's about to smash this toaster." " Put it back." " Can't do it." "Sorry." "No go." "Come on, dude!" "Don't break that." " Thank you." " Why'd you do that?" "'Cause it's mine, I don't want it anymore... and I'm not leaving it here for the next clown who moves in." " But we're staying." " Right, sure we are, Mick." "Not happening." "Gots to go." "When did you decide this?" "I was only upstairs for five seconds." "It's time to move on." "Whatever goes down goes down, and that's cool." "Am I right, Slosh?" " You got it, Grasshopper." " There we go." " Why all of a sudden is it time?" " It just is." "That's right." "And this is how we say good-bye." "You have to smash the toaster?" "That makes no sense at all!" "Sure, it does." "It's sort of like a Viking funeral." "Well, see, when a Viking chief kicked off... they buried the ship with him." "That way, it was always special." "No one could despoil the memory." "Take this mug, for example." "It belonged to my grandmother." "I loved my nonna." "I mean, she practically raised me." "So, every time I see one of you troglodytes... put your lips on the thing, it's just..." "It's like you're kissing my grandmother." "Now I never have to worry about that again." "You love that mug." "Call it preservation through destruction." "Hey, Mickey, don't be that way." "You have to be part of this too." "Let him go." "He'll be okay." "He's a madman!" "He's berserk!" "If the band's breaking up anyway..." " Whoa!" " Shit!" "Now you fucked up, Mickey." "Motherfucker!" "It's got to go too, huh?" "Got to destroy it to save it." "Man." "You know, Dennis..." "I remember when I moved in here... you hated my fucking guts." "Remember we shotgunned all those beers... and you came downstairs and your slippers stuck to the floor?" "You guys were such idiots." "I remember giving Slosh a ride home on my scooter... and he threw up all over my back." "I'm never going to forget this place." "All right." "Oh, well." "Can I have that?" "Well." "Think they'll track us down for the damages?" "Not me." "I'll be in Michigan." "Listen, as you segue... into legendary status around here..." "I just want you to know... that the secret of your humble beginnings dies with me." "Thank you, Dennis, you know... for, uh, everything." "So." "You ready to go?" "You're going to start hassling me already, woman?" "Maybe not just yet." "Come here." "Where are you headed?" "I'll stay with my brother for a little while, I guess." "Never going to be the same without you." "Is that right?" " All right, brother." " Yeah, man." " Take care of yourself." " Yeah." "I'll give you a call." "Bye." "I stay in touch with the Rancho boys." "They're still the best friends I ever had." "It's the bitch about getting older." "You don't fling yourself... into love and friendships the way you did before you got hurt." "That's a damn shame."