"Have you ever tried breathing under water?" "It doesn't work very well, you get water in your nose and lungs." "It doesn't work, although there's oxygen in water." "Silly even trying it." "That Special Summer" "Gothenburg, Sweden, 1984" "Save me!" "Save me!" "Hey!" "There's a lesson on." "Get up here and listen to what's going on!" "Come on!" "Where was I?" "Oh, yes." "You..." " Lotta!" "Can't you hear?" "Up!" "Now!" "This is a lesson!" "Got your period?" " Admit it, cheat." "Want to bet?" " Jessika!" " Why should she skip swimming?" " Kirsi, come on!" "My name's Kid." "Okay." "But come on!" "Jessica and Lulu, come on!" "Keep the throat clear  hold the nose, breath in deep and exhale slowly." "Go ahead." "Eh?" "She doesn't know how to kiss!" "Get a grip!" " Come on, keep going." ""Kirsi Ruotsalainen." "No swim." "No gym lesson."" "Loony-binny Finnish fart!" "Can't your mum spell?" "She writes like an Einstein." "Bloody cunt!" "She's going home to tell Mummy." " Bloody Finn cow!" "Shit bacteria in the water enter your brain, causing brain tumours." " Liar!" " It's called hydrophobia." "The first sign is itching red eyes." "In tears there's salt and water." "Once, I caught Mum crying as she went through the photos of Dad." "When she saw me she pretended she was cleaning." "At Dad's funeral I bit on my cheek and held my breath." "Mum didn't cry." "Neither did I." "I was really proud I'd managed without a single tear." "I can manage lots of other stuff too:" "Filling in forms  talking to people at the bank, and at the National Insurance." "Dad... you could have helped!" "Why didn't you teach her more about life in Sweden you, who knew so much?" "Now I've got to." "The 30th Finnish Rally goes through Karelia." "The Rompala villagers are looking forward to it." "One of them is Markku Makinen." " How are things?" "Thank you, fine- after all my years abroad..." "Only... before you died she was a normal mum." "She laughed and had fun." "Now she's... different." "Now she's nearly as dead as you are." "I want to talk to you." "Talk away then." "Or say it in Swedish." "Speak Swedish." "We're going to Finland for our holidays." "To Granny's with Sirkka and Jamppe." " Why?" " Because it'll be fun." " I'm not coming!" " You can't stay here..." " I'm not going." "You go!" " Simmer down." "You've been before." "It's your fault." "I'm not coming!" "Your fault!" "Can't you hear?" "You bloody cow!" "Bloody witch-bitch!" " Sirkka here." " Hello, Sirkka!" " I'm packing." " I am, too." " Masses of stuff." " What?" "Now don't pack too much." "Holidays don't mean..." "By the way, I saw your brother on TV" " I've got this crazy idea a typical Sirkka idea!" "And squeeze... and squeeze!" "Squeeze your bum tight!" " Shall I wear this?" " Can't you wear the yellow one?" " It's Jamppe." " Knock!" " He wants to talk to you." " I don't wanna talk to him." " At least say something." " I ought to go home." " Who is it?" " A nutter." "Kirsi's busy." " Was it him that called?" " What's up?" "The door's this way!" "Come on, leave!" "You do look sweet." "In matching clothes, too." " Your Finnish guy?" " Are you nuts?" " He's so sweet..." " Leave!" "Aren't you a tiny bit in love with him?" "See you tomorrow." " Have you kissed 'im?" " Drop it!" " Hello, Ester." " Hello, Lotta." "Nice and tidy!" " I want to talk to the head." " But we've got prize-leaving." "Come along now." " I'll be there in a sec." " Okay." "I'll be outside." "Hurry." " What does it say here?" " Can't you learn Swedish instead?" "Don't know." "Ask the head what it says." "You ask- it's your job!" "Kirsi..." "Come along now." "Can't you wear something a little nicer?" "Maybe, yes." "No problem..." "I beg a pardon." "Later, then." " Eh?" " Ask now." " Is there no work here?" " Sorry..." "I couldn't hear." "Louder." " Has Mum been fired?" " No, my dear." "She finishes here today- her last day." "I informed everyone earlier about our new organisation." "But it must be her Swedish that..." "Well..." "So sad after all these years." " It's time." " I'll be along." "She doesn't need to talk Swedish to clean your bog." "Ester, prawn pie afterwards." "You're very welcome." "Have a good summer." "Now for prize-giving!" "What did he say?" " Hello." " Hello!" "Where's Mum then?" "This year, at school, we've followed a theme:" "Family in conjunction with Radio Gothenburg's essay competition." "And at this school we have one of the winners." "Let me introduce our eminent guest from Radio Gothenburg:" " Lasse Gunnarsson." "Welcome!" " Thank you." "Hello." "I'm not the one you should be applauding." "It's terrific, how you wonderful young write." "We had 1,256 entries." "Let me remind you of the first prize:" "Workplace experience in our studio as a junior reporter." "Not bad, eh?" " So... who's the winner?" "The winner is Kid Swede." "Congrats!" " A certificate, flowers..." " Thank you!" "Well... how does it feel?" "I don't know what to say..." "I never would have thought it." " Neither would I!" " Right." "Exciting, isn't it?" "And you start tomorrow." "Is Kid your nom de plume?" "No." "It's my name" " Kid Swede." "What a surprise!" "Eriksbo School is extremely proud of you." "As you parents must be too I mean, your mum." " Could Mum step forward?" "Where is she?" "Is Mum here?" "Is that Mum?" "Come on up!" "That's it." "Step up here." "Now then what's it like, being the proud mother of such a gifted girl?" "It takes one's breath away, doesn't it?" "You must have inspired her." "She is really endowed, is Kid." "Good..." "And... what's your comment, Kid?" "Yes, she has..." "Yes." "Right... right." "Our earth comes into flower in bounteous nature's flow" "Sweet summer 'tis your hour when all apace doth grow" "Awakening warmth so sweet from nature's winter rest the sun makes life complete..." " No..." "Nearly!" " The other one through, too." "Barbecue time!" "From Lotta Larsson's, this is live:" "The latest sports news." "Let's see if Lotta-the-Great-Croquer can pull it off." "Can she stay in the lead?" "This is dramatic..." "Here she goes!" " Very good!" " Look... your mum." " Come home, now!" " Glad you came." "Congratulations..." "to your marvellous, gifted daughter." " Will you have something to drink?" " Kirsi go home." "Sorry." "Not staying?" "They gave me a present." "Look!" " Why not the barbecue?" " I don't eat with strangers." "But you know them." "Moreover Lotta's mum's going to ask if there's work at the hotel." "Don't discuss that with them... or me!" "Why not?" "Why can't I say you're out of work?" "Or tell them you were fired?" "Answer!" "Why not?" "And no radio stuff- we leave for Finland tomorrow." "I'm not coming!" "Quiet!" "Everyone can hear." "Get up!" "Kirsi..." "I'm not a baby!" "Cow!" "Riders of the West Coast waves we are Radio Gothenburg" "Hello, hello, hello..." "This is Radio Gothenburg." "The news:" "Neutral Sweden smuggles weapons to war-faring states." "Bofors has been reported to the police." "So they can wave truncheons at them?" "Bofors rakes in major profits as Swedish missiles tear children apart." "How's "peace-friend" prime minister Palme sleeping these nights?" "Listen, this isn't a hobby club." "You start now- or never." " But when I get home again, I can..." " That's not the way things work." "You won - selected from all Gothenburg." "But..." "Can't I be a foreign correspondent then?" "This radio station is local." "So why should we bother about what's going on in Finland?" "I thought I was best." "Hello, Kirsi!" "How great to see you!" "Jesus, it's been ages!" "Look how much Kirsi has grown, Jamppe." "Bringing the whole greenhouse?" "Where have you been?" "What's up with you lot?" "Come on- we need to make it to Stockholm." "Everyone done a pee?" "Isn't it great?" "Just like the old days  with all the Rompala girls on their way again." "Ester, listen to this." "Remember, Ester?" "Don't stare!" "Stare at something else." "You like cars - stare at cars." "Know what, you lot?" "I've got a little surprise." " Some news." "Guess!" " Tell us then." " Curiosity killed the cat, darling." " Shut up, Mum!" "Okay, okay..." "What's this?" "Well, what is it?" "It's rally time- rally, rally, rally!" "Was it hard to guess?" " Yes." "So what?" " They drive past Ester's house." "And then..." "Mama mia, mama mia, Italia!" "We're opening a pizzeria." "We're opening a summer restaurant at the cottage." " When the rally's on?" " Rally pizzas..." " Is Markku coming?" " He'll be helping us." "Great!" " Markku is damn cool." " What do you say, Ester?" " That's great." "One, two, three Lotta." "Testing..." "One, two." "One, two." "Hi there." "This is Radio Gothenburg." "Finland should change name to Loony-Binland." "I'm in the middle of Sweden in front of a Finn-bus - a busload of Finns." "Now I'm going to be brave and talk to a couple of Bin-Finns." "What are you doing?" " Eating." " I see." "Thanks." "Bye." " Why are you going to Finland?" " I go family." "Me longing home." ""I'm longing for home" would be more correct." " Why are you going to Finland?" " Kirsi what are you doing up there?" "Don't go running off." "The ferry won't wait." " Sirkka, come on!" " Coming..." "I'll pee my knickers!" "Shall we fuck?" ""Tiger in the tank!"" "It's this deck." " Kirsi!" " Leave her." "She can't get off a boat." " Here..." " Now for it!" "Hi there." "This is Radio Gothenburg." "I'm standing way out to sea  finding Finns everywhere, right and left, above and below." " Ever won a prize for being Finnish?" " No." " A diploma?" " No!" "Crowds of them, collecting coins, buying booze." " Is it true Finns drink?" " Yes..." "No Finn's won the Eurovision Song Contest, right?" " Finland has no gay stars?" " Never!" " Can you say "shoe shop"?" " Soo sop." " A Carola then?" " Heavens, no!" "Kid-on-the-Boat/Kid-on-the-Road signing off." " Finland'll always be Finland." " Like a potato grubby on the outside, but nice and clean and white inside." " Hi there." " Hello!" " Shall we?" " Cheers!" " Right." "But how about a dance?" " Yes!" " Dare me do something." " Do what?" "A dare -the way we used to." "You can get us some beer." "That was too easy." "Try some." "Revolting." "God!" "Me then - don't I get a dare?" "Yes..." "That guy..." "Get him to buy you a drink." "No, not him!" " Come on, it's your dare." " No!" " Don't you think I dare?" " No..." "Show us then, cowardy." " Hello." " A little girl all on her own?" "Want a drink?" "A San Francisco, please!" "Cheers." "Have you been out on deck?" "Want to come out?" "I... need to go to the lav." "Okay." "Come back here then." " I won!" " All that cash!" "The drinks are on me." " Bloody girl." "You nicked my wallet!" " It was on the floor." "This is a police matter, you slut!" "What's your name?" "Out with it!" "I... don't understand what you're saying!" " A police matter." "Your name!" " Mum!" "Your name!" "Out with it!" " What's going on?" "That's my girl!" " She stole my wallet." " I did not." "I just..." " My girl's no thief." "Go to hell!" " She took my wallet." " We'll get the cops, child molester!" "What are you up to?" "Have you been drinking?" " Did you take his wallet?" " No, it was a mistake." " You can't take a wallet by mistake!" "Imagine jumping in." "It'd be cold..." "I wonder how long you survive." "Over there all is dark in Finland." "But in Sweden the sun's going down." "Did your Mum tell you off?" "Your mum's okay." "I wish mine were like her." "You must be joking." "My mum's revolting." "My mum you can't talk to her." "It's as though..." "I dunno sort of..." "I imagine her under water and I wish she had drowned instead." "My dad said..." "He says he's drunk his brain to pieces." "And you can tell he has." "He stutters like a parrot." "Do you miss him?" "I never want to get like him." "You aren't him." "You're you." "And you are you as well." "Who else could you be?" "At least you've got a dad." "Are you worried about Kirsi?" "They were just joking, they're kids!" "Right." "What's the matter with you?" "I'm not sure we'll be coming back." "I think we'll stay in Finland." "There's nothing left for me in Sweden." "What does Kirsi say?" " Haven't you talked to her?" " I've tried to." "You don't know what she's like." "Maybe she can tell." "I'll talk to her as soon as my mind's made up." "Onto the floor, woman!" "Wait a bit." "Everything'll be okay." " It'll sort itself out." " Yes, yes, yes..." "We're on holiday!" " What's this?" " A cassette deck." " Nick that too, did you?" " Not a word to my mum!" "What do I get, for keeping quiet?" "What would you like?" "Well..." "Sunny weather for the next five days." "A great day like this is just the thing for my favourite number:" ""Satumaa" with Reijo Taipale." ""Submarine search goes on" - it's "submarine", not "soop-arine"." "And "chips", not "seeps"." "Or like Finnish winos say:" ""Pint pottle in your face," and "Ram 'tiletto into Swede's guts."" ""Die petter 'an ho'pital."" " "Buy", not "pie"." " "Pie a 'kirt."" " "Where you bought your 'kirt?" - "No touch my 'kirt!"" "If I could ever, ever reach a land of fairytales" "I'd never leave, as a bird on outstretched wings who sails" "Though without wings I cannot fly Captive there I stand" "Yet in my thoughts I'm in the sky I fly there- to my land." "Remember?" "This old wooden house smells so good!" "A car!" "My brother!" "Look!" "Here comes our rally champ!" "Hello." "Ooh great to see you here again." "You look younger." "How can that be?" "Spaghetti." " Can this lad be Jamppe?" " Right!" "How you've grown!" " You look like a real man." " He's like you, isn't he?" "Am I?" " Is this your car?" "And a dog!" " That's Massimo." " Massimo, a cuccia!" " Hello, Massimo!" " Who have we got here?" " Kid." "You must be Ester's girl." "Ester..." "What a time it's been." "You haven't changed a bit." "Stop that, Jamppe!" " Dinner?" " Got any Karelia pasties?" " Of course!" " I can't wait!" "It's going to be great here..." "We can do some fishing." "Look!" " You look like a monkey." " Lay off!" " You're like an orang-utan there." " A hippo!" "A buffalo!" "Then you could hear..." "Thump..." "Thump..." "Blood dripping..." "Blood dripping..." "Blood pouring!" "What was that?" "He turned round and saw that his mate had no head." " No!" "Let's hear some more." " Show us a bit." " Show what?" "Your down-there." " My what down there?" " Your..." " No." " Come on." "Show us yours!" "I'll tell them about that..." "the cassette deck." " Stop it!" "Show us your dick, then!" " Show us your pussy willow!" " Stop it!" " Cowardy!" " Fish filet!" " No." " You don't dare!" " Neither do you!" "Show me then!" "Cowardy!" "Hello, Armas." "Hello, you children from a far-off land!" "How are you, Kirsi?" " Jamppe, how are things?" " Fine, thanks." "Can you give me a hand with the hay later this summer?" "Yes, of course." " That's a lovely jacket." " Thanks." " Got any presents?" " You shouldn't ask that!" "Ester's already given you lovely pullovers." "RADIO GOTHENBURG" " What do you say?" " What's "thank you"in Swedish?" " "Tack."" " Tuck, tuck!" " Why can you speak Swedish?" " She lives in Sweden." " They all speak Swedish there." " Why?" " Listen, go and play now!" " D'you really think you'll get customers here?" " The rally's world-famous." "And" " Markku's here." "Everyone wants to see Markku." "Markku is home and Ester is service-minded." " And me?" "I've got a tatty hairdo." " D'you think so?" "That car looks impressive." " It's Italian style." " Right." "But your work in Sweden isn't the pay good enough?" " Yes, but it's our summer break." "Shall we get glasses for your honey wine?" "Of course." "How's the farming going, Armas?" "Same old muck-spreader routine!" " Did you see his prick?" " Whose?" "Armas's." "It was really big." " Were his flies open, or what?" " No..." "But you could see." "Like a great big..." "I wonder how big it can get." "So you keep an eye on your uncle's dick." "I haven't got my panties on." "Hey, hey, hey!" "No lazing on the jetty." "Everyone into the water!" "All bathe!" " All bathe!" " Don't throw her in, Markku!" "She's terrified of the water." "Kirsi, he was only joking." "Look!" "Show us a little." " What is it?" " Nothing." " Nice?" " Stop staring." "Get into bed." "They don't have shops in Yokel Country yet." "A mobile grocer's comes once a week as the peasants here are so poor." "All they have is tractors and ugly, loony-binny bus drivers." "Got a new friend, Jamppe?" "Are you a radio reporter?" "Let me sing you a song." "Moon so full, how wonderful..." "Oh my Lord- aren't you Kirsi Ester Ruotsalainen's lass?" "How you've grown!" "No tomato paste- you can get it in town." "That'll be 15 marks and 15 pennies." "Let's say 15 marks." " Here you go." " Right, thank you." "Nice, aren't they?" "Why nick them?" "He's a good guy." " So?" " You're bad." " Hi, Jamppe." "It's been a while." " Hi, Jari!" " Where did you get that T-shirt?" " From a mate." " Your moped?" " Yup." "Overhauled engine." "Did they force you here, from the city?" "Is she deaf and dumb... your bird?" " Tape deck?" " Home at Sweden." " The bird can speak." " It's "from home in Sweden"." "Leave that sour-pussied Swede and come with us." "Maybe later." " Ecco..." "Due espresso." " Mille grazzie." "Terrific..." "Where can we put it?" "Lots of flour." "Not so thin that they break when you toss them." "You try, maestro!" " Gettala ancora!" " Rally pizza!" "Brilliant, man!" "That's cool!" "Bravo." "It's so heavy." " Markku!" "Jamppe!" "Come and help!" " I thought..." " You can lift it yourselves." " I want to see where's best." " This is going to be terrific!" "Further left, you'd see it better from the road." "Move it left a bit, okay?" "That's it..." "Up a bit." " Now it's in the right place." " Great." "Are you in love with him?" "You were when you were younger, right?" "Before you met Dad?" "What kind of question is that?" "You should be lending a hand." " Hello." " Hello..." "Where's Jamppe?" "I think he went into the village with the Finnish lads." "Oh..." "Look!" "I remember things then - we were so young." "I was only a little older than you." "Oh, yes... you should've seen Ester and me." "Ester was always getting asked to dances." "She's was beautiful." " Wasn't Markku there?" " Sometimes, yes." "They were the handsomest couple of all when they went out together." "Everyone thought they'd get married, but..." "Markku got a chance to go to Italy." "And then..." "Nobody understood why." "I don't know why." "If you find love, you shouldn't let it go." "It's not so good, being on your own." "I'm one big mistake." "I ought not to be alive." "My mum was meant to marry someone else." "Not my dad." "So I ought not to be alive." "Perhaps that is why everything goes so wrong." "That's why I'm the way I am, and Mum doesn't care about me." "She hates me, she doesn't want me." "She probably wishes I were dead." "I'm just a mistake." "That's why she doesn't love me." "Best I disappear." " That should hold." " Good." "Listen..." "What are you reading?" "Well..." "It's starting!" " Come on, lazybones!" " Coming." "Rally champ Markku Makinen  who's just opened the Finnish Rally, will you stay in Finland now?" "Armas, can't that wait?" "Work's work!" "I may well stay." "My family's here." "You don't forget, even after years abroad." "I'm helping two enterprising women in Rompala at the Rally Restaurant." "Italian delicacies, nice atmosphere." "What could be better?" "All rally fans are welcome!" " No cars..." " There will be soon!" "Look I'm getting a beard." "One hair." "What is it?" "You're getting breasts." "Now!" " What if it's driving really fast?" " Stay put!" "You stupid nippers!" "Were you scared?" "You're out of your bloody mind!" "You're nuts!" "And you're a bloody coward!" "Yellow dick!" "Idiot prick!" "Do you think people will like it?" "It's not exactly Welsh rabbit." "Easy on the oregano, people aren't used to it." " Seen Kirsi?" " No." "She'll be out there somewhere." "Haven't you told her?" "You've got to talk to her." " It can't wait." " My mind's made up we're staying here." "Come with me..." "A dare." " What kind of dare?" " You'll see." "As long as it's not something weird again." "It's Armas and the whole bunch!" "Welcome here... for delicious dishes." "Alora, amici, andiamo a mangare." "In Sweden you can get pizza everywhere these days." "Take it home, eat it cold after a sauna with a beer." " You can eat it with your hands..." " Doesn't it taste a bit like a pasty?" " Very good." "I'm so hungry I could eat gravel." " Help yourselves to more." " It's good." "Come on then." " You don't bloody see!" " It's what you wanted!" "You don't dare, you coward!" "You wanted to fuck!" "You're moving here." "Your mum said." "Here's Kirsi!" " Where's Jamppe?" "What's this?" "This is an interview with Ester Ruotsalainen." "You're opening a summer restaurant." "A great idea  selling pizzas in the Finnish countryside." "But why?" "Because you've been fired from your great job as a cleaner, right?" "Is it true you have secrets, Mrs Ruotsalainen?" "Run a restaurant?" "Aren't you're in a hurry to fuck Rally-Champ Markku." "Why do you lie?" "When had you planned on telling your daughter?" "She forgot to tell her the most important thing of all:" "That she intends staying in Finland without even asking her daughter." "I consider you the world's worst mum." "Testing..." "One, two." "One, two." "Hi there." "This is Radio Gothenburg..." "More buckets!" "Finding Finns everywhere  left and right, above and below..." "She probably wishes I were dead." "Mum... why am I here?" "I know why you're so sad." "I should never have been born." "You can stay here, then you won't have to worry any more." "Your life will be much simpler without me." "You'll be cheerful, you'll be happy." "Mum, don't cry..." "don't feel worried." "Dad will look after me, he's promised me he will." "Mum!" "I'm sorry, Mum." "I'm sorry..." "I can stay here." "It's alright... it's alright." "It's alright." "Everything'll work out." "I'm sorry..." "Hi there." "This is Radio Rally Car." "I'm in the middle of the road, but no cars in sight yet." "The Finnish Rally is due through, on this road, in the woods  in Karelia, Republic of Finland." "At this spot, the world's weirdest restaurant has just opened." " Clouds of dust any minute." " Right!" "The zero car's already gone past." " What's a zero car?" " Safety..." "It checks the route." " When the hell will they be here?" " Any minute now." "Why watch from the road when they can watch from here?" " Go and tell them, Jamppe." " Do it yourself!" "Over here, everyone!" "You can have beers!" "They're on their way!" "Kirsi..." "That was that then." "Next year's rally is in Lapland." "This must be fun for you all..." "Would you like to try this?" " Sorry..." "I spilt it." " Doesn't matter." " Are you coming?" " You go." "It seems to be doing all right." "She sings really well." " Come on, I've got a dare for you." " What is it?" "Do you dare kiss me?" "I've never kissed anyone before." "It's starting." "It won't work." "I'm no good at this." "Can't you try?" "It's okay now!" "It wasn't plugged in." "Come on." "It's starting." "Hey, where are you?" "Surprise!" "Well-come!" "Seat." " Hello." " Hello!" "Wait, wait!" "Kid." "My girl." "Radio receiver." "Look!" "Lay off, Mum." " Aren't you ringing Markku?" " Finland can't get Radio Gothenburg." "He's coming here?" "Oh, sit down!" " Let's see if he turns up..." " Shhh!" "And now for a special girl." "Working hard, she has made a programme  about her trip to Finland." "This year's Radio Gothenburg competition winner:" "Kid Swede!" "Ladies and gentlemen..." "Hi there." "This is Radio Kirsi Ruotsalainen." "I'm inside your radio, talking to all Gothenburg." "My surname Ruotsalainen means "Swede", but I'm from Finland." "Do you realise how many Finns there are in Sweden?" "No, neither do I." "Here's a song for all Finns." "There beyond the great wide ocean is another land" "On the shores of happiness waves wash o'er the sand..."