"GET ME EX-GOVERNOR WARFIELD." "YOU KNOW, KEN," "THERE'S ONE THING I CAN'T QUITE UNDERSTAND " "WHY A MAN LIKE MR. HOBSON DIDN'T MAKE A WILL." "WELL, I GUESS HE COULDN'T THINK" "OF ANYBODY HE WANTED TO LEAVE THE PAPER TO THAT " "HELLO?" "OH, HELLO, GOVERNOR." "DON'T GO, DOC." "HELLO." "ANY NEWS?" "WELL, IT SEEMS THAT THE HEIR AT LAW" "IS A STEP-NIECE THAT NOBODY EVER HEARD OF," "OF LOWER PLATTE, NEBRASKA." "I'M TRYING TO GET HER ON THE PHONE NOW." "IT APPEARS SHE'S, UM..." "SHE'S A WHAT?" "!" "OH." "I SEE." "ALL RIGHT." "THANK YOU." "NOW, AS SOON AS WE HEAR FROM THE GOVERNOR," "WE'LL ADD THAT DOPE ON MISS NEBRASKA TO THE STORY." "MISS NEBRASKA?" "HUH." "AN OLD-MAID SCHOOLTEACHER FROM NEBRASKA." "OH, BOY, I CAN HARDLY WAIT." "OH, MARTHA." "JUST A MINUTE, AUNTIE." "JUST A MINUTE." "MARTHA." "WHAT IS IT, AUNT LOU?" "YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I THINK THEY JUST PUT" "SOME OF THESE PICTURES IN WITHOUT ANY MEANING AT ALL," "THEN GIVE THE PRIZE TO A RELATIVE OR SOMETHING." "WELL, YOU WON A FOUNTAIN PEN LAST YEAR, DIDN'T YOU?" "YES." "COST ME $4 IN PACKAGE STUBS TO ENTER THE CONTEST." "NOW, MR. COFFING COULD SELL ME THE SAME THING FOR 69 CENTS." "THEN WHY DO YOU DO IT?" "'CAUSE ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'M GONNA WIN THE FIRST PRIZE " "A TRIP AROUND THE WORLD." "WHEN YOU GO AROUND THE WORLD, AUNT LOU," "MAY I BE YOUR CHAPERONE?" "WELL, I DON'T SEE HOW." "YOU'D HAVE TO TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THAT SCHOOL FOR SIX MONTHS." "YOU'D NEVER DO THAT." "YOU'D LIVE IN THAT SCHOOL IF THEY'D LET YOU." "I LIKE TO TEACH SCHOOL." "NONSENSE." "NOBODY LIKES TO TEACH SCHOOL." "ANYWAY, NO ONE THAT ISN'T HOMELY." "I'LL SAY THIS FOR YOU " "YOU MAY BE CRAZY, BUT YOU'RE NOT HOMELY." "OH, I'M A LITTLE KNOCK-KNEED IN ONE KNEE." "WELL, NO ONE'S GONNA FIND THAT OUT" "UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE TO DO THEM ANY GOOD." "OH, EXCUSE ME." "I FORGOT." "YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET MARRIED." "NOW, I DIDN'T SAY THAT, AUNT LOU." "WELL, ANYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW ENOUGH" "TO SHUT UP ABOUT WOMEN'S RIGHTS IS NEVER GONNA GET MARRIED." "I DON'T SEE WHAT - WHAT IS IT" "ABOUT WOMEN'S RIGHTS THAT GETS YOU CRAZY ABOUT " "I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT WOMEN'S RIGHTS." "I JUST " "YOU JUST MAKE TROUBLE FOR ANYONE WHO ISN'T." "THAT'S ALL." "SHALL I ANSWER THE PHONE?" "OH, YOU MIGHT AS WELL." "THAT'S WHY THEY'RE RINGING." "WHEN THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO ANSWER," "THAT'S WHEN THEY DON'T RING." "THAT'S ANOTHER THING - THAT SARCASTIC SARCASM OF YOURS." "HELLO?" "YES." "MISS MARTHA ALDRICH?" "W" " WHAT?" "OH!" "OH, JUST A MINUTE." "IT'S FOR YOU." "NEW YORK CALLING." "NEW YORK?" "!" "YES!" "PARDON ME." "NEW YORK, NEW YORK?" "THANK YOU." "NEW YORK, NEW YORK." "HELLO?" "I WONDER IF YOU'D MIND HOLDING THE PHONE FOR A MINUTE." "THERE'S SOME NOISE IN THIS ROOM." "I'LL HAVE TO CLOSE THE DOOR." "MUSIC BOTHERING YOU, DAD?" "WELL, IT'S NOT EXACTLY A HELP IN TALKING TO NEBRASKA." "THANKS." "HELLO?" "MISS ALDRICH?" "YES, MR. WARFIELD." "WHAT IS IT?" "WHAT IS IT?" "WHAT DO THEY WANT?" "Shh!" "Be quiet, Aunt Lou." "HELLO?" "YES." "YES, MR. WARFIELD." "WHAT IS IT?" "WHAT IS IT?" "Shh!" "UH, YES." "YES." "I'LL BE GLAD TO COME IF YOU THINK BEST, MR. WARFIELD." "WHICH MR. WARFIELD - THE ACTOR?" "ALL RIGHT." "GOODBYE, MR. WARFIELD." "WELL, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?" "JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT, AUNT LOU, AND I'LL TELL YOU." "WELL, ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME?" "THOMAS HOBSON DIED THIS AFTERNOON." "THOMAS HOBSON DIED THIS " "YOU MEAN YOUR STEP-UNCLE THOMAS HOBSON?" "YES." "HE WAS A MEAN OLD MAN." "ALL THE SAME, I'M SORRY HE DI" "WHAT DID THEY WANT TO TELEPHONE YOU FROM NEW YORK" "TO TELL YOU THOMAS HOBSON DIED?" "HE DIED WITHOUT LEAVING A WILL." "AND BECAUSE I WAS HIS NEAREST RELATIVE," "I'M TO INHERIT EVERYTHING HE LEFT " "THE NEW YORK GLOBE-LEADER, AMONG OTHER THINGS." "HIS NEAREST RELATIVE?" "WHY, I " "OH, I GUESS THAT'S SO." "HE WAS YOUR FATHER'S BROTHER - STEP-BROTHER, I MEAN." "HE MUST HAVE BEEN A LONELY OLD MAN." "HE DESERVED TO BE A LONELY OLD MAN." "ONLY THING THAT EVER MEANT ANYTHING TO HIM" "WAS THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR." "AND I GUESS HE FOUND WHEN YOU GET OLD," "THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR WON'T COME AND SIT WITH YOU." "UH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH ALL THAT MONEY, MARTHA?" "I DON'T KNOW YET, AUNT LOU." "YOU THINK YOU CAN BE READY" "TO LEAVE FOR NEW YORK TOMORROW MORNING?" "WELL, TOMORROW MORNING'S PRETTY LATE," "BUT IT'S BETTER THAN LATER." "GOVERNOR'S OFFICE PHONED." "MISS ALDRICH ARRIVES AT GRAND CENTRAL STATION AT 9:45." "SHE'D HAVE TO COME TODAY, OF COURSE." "YOU GOT YOUR SPEECH OF WELCOME ALL READY?" "SHE DOESN'T WORRY ME." "FROM THE WAY SHE TALKED TO THE GOVERNOR ON THE PHONE," "I'D SAY SHE'S A DOPE." ""YES, MR. WARFIELD." "NO, MR. WARFIELD."" ""WHATEVER YOU SAY, MR. WARFIELD."" "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT HER TO DO " "READ HIM THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS?" "I EXPECT NOTHING." "THAT'S WHY I'M NEVER DISAPPOINTED." "GOOD," "BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET ANYTHING OUT OF THE QUEEN." "LISTEN, DOC." "A REIGNING QUEEN HAPPENS TO BE PAYING A VISIT TO THIS COUNTRY." "EVERYTHING CONNECTED WITH HER MAJESTY IS NEWS." "IT'LL MAKE A BIG STORY IF HER MAJESTY" "REALLY IS GOING TO HAVE A BABY AND WE CAN VERIFY IT." "KEN, WE'VE DONE EVERYTHING WE COULD." "IT ISN'T ENOUGH." "NO?" "PARSON'S GOT A JOB IN HER HOTEL AS A WAITER." "I KNOW." "I KNOW." "THE WASHINGTON OFFICE PUT A FAKE TELEPHONE OPERATOR" "IN HER AMBASSADOR'S APARTMENT HOUSE." "UH-HUH." "TED MARTIN'S AT HER HOTEL NOW, AND " "YOU DIDN'T EXPECT ANY OF THE BOYS" "TO DRESS UP LIKE A WOMAN, DID YOU?" "IF WE LOSE OUT ON THIS STORY JUST BECAUSE YOU AND THE BOYS " "OF COURSE, IF WE HAD A WOMAN REPORTER ON THE PAPER " "BUT WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY WOMEN REPORTERS!" "WHAT'S MORE, WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE ANY " "NOT AS LONG AS I'M RUNNING THIS SHEET." "HELLO?" "JUST A MINUTE." "IT'S TED MARTIN." "HELLO, TED." "SAY, DID YOU GET THROUGH THE QUEEN'S SECRETARY?" "I'M LUCKY I DIDN'T BREAK A COUPLE OF BONES, THE WAY HE USHERED ME OUT." "WHERE AM I?" "I'M AT THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE." "ALL RIGHT." "YOU WAIT RIGHT THERE." "I'M COMING OVER AND GET THAT STORY MYSELF." "IT'LL MAKE A NICE GIFT FOR MISS LOWER PLATTE" "WHEN I MEET HER, IF SHE SPEAK ANY ENGLISH." "YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT MISS LOWER PLATTE, AREN'T YOU?" "IF I CAN'T RUN THIS PAPER BETTER" "THAN SOME FOUR-EYED SCHOOLTEACHER FROM NEBRASKA," "AND A WOMAN, BESIDES " "MAYBE BEING A WOMAN AIN'T A CRIME" " IN NEBRASKA!" "IS, UH, THAT THE QUEEN'S SUITE?" "WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?" "I, UH, AM DR. NEWELL-NEWELL HARRINGTON." "I HAVE FOUR LETTERS TESTIFYING" "THAT I AM THE GREATEST OBSTETRICIAN IN AMERICA." "I WROTE THEM MYSELF." "YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET AWAY WITH THAT, DO YOU?" "Shh." "IT'LL DO YOU GOOD TO SEE A REAL REPORTER AT WORK." "WATCH ME." "I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF I MADE HISTORY." "YES?" "DR. NEWELL-NEWELL HARRINGTON." "DOCTOR, PLEASE, COME IN." "OH, IT'S ALL BEEN SO INTERESTING, AUNT LOU." "WELL, WE'RE GETTING IN." "IT'S THE LAST STOP." "OF COURSE, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT NEW YORK," "BUT IN NEBRASKA, THE LAST STOP'S WHERE PEOPLE GET OFF." "I'LL BE WITH YOU IN JUST A MOMENT." "WELL, WE GOT EIGHT PIECES OF LUGGAGE, COUNTING THE UMBRELLA." "SEE THAT EVERYTHING GETS OFF." "EVERYBODY IN NEW YORK'S A THIEF." "1, 2... 5, 6..." "OH!" "WATCH OUT WHERE YOU'RE GOING, WILL YOU?" "I'M SORRY." "EXCUSE ME." "PORTER, HAVE YOU AN ALDRICH PARTY HERE?" "YES, SIR - RIGHT OVER THERE." "OH, THANK YOU." "MISS ALDRICH?" "WHAT OF IT?" "MY DEAR MISS ALDRICH" " I'M NOT YOUR "DEAR MISS ALDRICH."" "I'M KENNETH MORLEY OF THE GLOBE-LEADER." "HAVE YOU ANY MEANS OF IDENTIFICATION?" "I BEG YOUR PARDON?" "NOW, DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU THINK WE MET AT PALM BEACH," "MONTE CARLO, OR shanghai." "LOOK, I'M KENNETH MORLEY," "THE MANAGING EDITOR OF THE GLOBE-LEADER." "MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF THE GLOBE-LEADER." "IT'S YOUR PAPER." "I'VE BEEN WITH IT FOR SEVEN YEARS," "BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT I'M " "DON'T HOLLER, YOUNG MAN." "DON'T HOLLER." "AND DON'T THINK I'M A FOOL JUST 'CAUSE YOU ARE." "YOU'RE NO NEWSPAPER EDITOR." "I'VE SEEN HUNDREDS OF THEM IN THE MOVIES." "THEY ALL WEAR DIRTY SLOUCH HATS" "AND WALK AROUND IN THEIR SHIRT SLEEVES," "AND THEY DON'T DRESS LIKE CHORUS MEN." "IF I NEVER WORK ON A NEWSPAPER AGAIN " "AUNT LOU, YOU KNOW, WE ALMOST DID LOSE THE UMBRELLA." "THIS IMPOSTER TRIED TO APPROACH ME " "I'M, UH, KENNETH MORLEY OF THE GLOBE-LEADER." "OH." "HOW DO YOU DO?" "HOW DO YOU DO?" "THIS IS MY AUNT, MRS. ATHERTON." "I'M MARTHA ALDRICH." "THANK HEAVEN." "WHAT WAS THAT?" "WHAT WAS THAT?" "UH, I, UH, HAVE A CAR HERE" "WAITING TO TAKE YOU TO YOUR" " HOW DO WE KNOW THAT YOU " "AUNT LOU, DON'T YOU REMEMBER MR. WARFIELD WIRED US" "THAT MR. MORLEY WAS GOING TO MEET US AT THE TRAIN?" "THE WIRE COULD BE A PART OF THE WHOLE SCHEME, TOO." "ANYBODY CAN SEND A WIRE - ANYBODY WITH A QUARTER." "I CAN UNDERSTAND MRS. ATHERTON'S FEELING SUSPICIOUS OF EVERYBODY" "EVER SINCE YOU RECEIVED THAT WIRE." "OH, YOU MUSTN'T MIND MY AUNT." "HER BARK IS VERY MUCH WORSE THAN HER BITE." "SHE PICKED THAT UP SOMEWHERE, AND SHE TELLS IT TO EVERYBODY," "BUT DON'T LET HER FOOL YOU, YOUNG MAN." "IT ISN'T SO." "COME ON, JUNIOR." "MOTHER..." "MAKE HIM TAKE A RABBIT OUT OF THE HAT." "UH, IF I TAKE ANYTHING OUT OF THE HAT, YOUNG MAN," "IT'S GOING TO BE A BRICK," "AND I'M GOING TO CLONK YOU RIGHT ON THE EAR WITH IT." "COME AWAY, DEAR." "THE MAN'S A GANGSTER." "GOVERNOR WARFIELD EXPECTS YOU AT HIS COUNTRY PLACE" "IN LOCUST VALLEY OVER THE WEEKEND." "OH." "WE'LL BE GLAD TO GO." "DID YOU SAY THEY CALLED IT "LOCUST VALLEY"?" "YES, IT'S QUITE A HISTORIC PLACE, YOU KNOW." "MR. WARFIELD BOUGHT IT, AND " "WELL, IS THERE ANY SPECIAL REASON" "FOR CALLING IT "LOCUST VALLEY"?" "IT'S QUITE FREE OF LOCUSTS." "REALLY, IT IS." "WELL, IT SEEMS A FUNNY NAME TO CALL A PLACE" "THAT'S FREE OF LOCUSTS "LOCUST VALLEY."" "I'LL, UH, HAVE THE CAR AFTER YOU AT 2:30." "WILL THAT BE ALL RIGHT?" "A" " AREN'T YOU COMING?" "I THINK I CAN GET AWAY AND RUN OUT AROUND DINNERTIME." "MR. WARFIELD THOUGHT I SHOULD BE THERE WHEN YOU TALK THINGS OVER." "I'LL BE GLAD TO SEE YOU." "WILL YOU?" "YES." "YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON I MET IN NEW YORK," "SO WHEN I SEE YOU AMONGST ALL THOSE OTHER PEOPLE," "IT WON'T BE SO MUCH LIKE BEING WITH STRANGERS." "AND I'LL GET MR. WARFIELD TO IDENTIFY ME." "AND THEN MRS. ATHERTON WON'T FEEL SHE'S TAKING SUCH A CHANCE." "OF COURSE, YOU'LL BE TAKING A CHANCE ON THE GOVERNOR," "BECAUSE I'LL HAVE TO IDENTIFY HIM." "I PROPOSE TO GET ALL THE INFORMATION I NEED ON YOU" "AND THIS ALLEGED GOVERNOR BEFORE WE GET THERE." "A THING MAKES SENSE, OR IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE." "WELL, MAYBE THERE WERE LOCUSTS HERE ORIGINALLY." "OUT IN NEBRASKA, WHEN THEY GIVE A PLACE A NAME," "THE NAME MEANS SOMETHING." "LINCOLN WAS NEVER IN NEBRASKA, AUNT LOU," "YET THAT'S THE NAME OF THE CAPITAL." "HE COULD HAVE COME IF HE'D WANTED TO." "IT WAS THERE." "ELLEN..." "MISS ALDRICH IS VERY PRETTY, ISN'T SHE?" "IF YOU ASK ME, THERE'S NO FOOL IN THE WORLD" "LIKE A PROFESSIONAL WOMAN-HATER." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?" "YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND BETWEEN LAST NIGHT AND THIS AFTERNOON." "WHAT DID YOU DO BETWEEN LAST NIGHT AND THIS AFTERNOON?" "YOU MET MISS ALDRICH." "AND, UH, HER AUNT." "I MUST CONFESS, WE WERE ALL A LITTLE CONCERNED" "WHEN WE FOUND OUT WE WERE GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL" "WITH A MYSTERIOUS MISS ALDRICH FROM LOWER PLATTE, NEBRASKA." "WE HAD NO IDEA, OF COURSE," "THAT IT WOULD TURN OUT TO BE SUCH A CHARMING YOUNG LADY." "AND HER AUNT." "AND HER CHARMING AUNT." "I'M NOT FLATTERED." "I MADE YOU SAY THAT." "YOU SHOULD FEEL DOUBLY FLATTERED." "YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BEND MEN TO YOUR WILL." "OH, MR. WARFIELD." "YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE FIRST BIT OF THE KIND OF TALK" "I EXPECTED TO HEAR ALL THE TIME IN NEW YORK." "NOWADAYS, ALL THE YOUNG FOLKS CAN SAY IS, "OKAY, KID."" "I SEEM TO REMEMBER THAT WE HAD SOMETHING LIKE "OKAY, KID"" "WHEN WE WERE YOUNG." "SO MY MOTHER TOLD ME." "TO TELL THE TRUTH, I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED" "ABOUT WHAT THE TRANSFER OF THE PAPER TO A WOMAN" "MIGHT MEAN TO MR. MORLEY." "TO A WOMAN?" "YES." "MORLEY HAS PECULIAR IDEAS" "ABOUT WHAT WOMEN SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT BE ENGAGED IN." "DON'T TELL ME A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE HOME." "WELL, NOT EXACTLY." "AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH MORLEY" "IF A WOMAN'S PLACE IS ON A NEWSPAPER," "SO LONG AS IT'S NOT HIS NEWSPAPER." "YOU MEAN THEY DON'T ENGAGE ANY WOMEN" "JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE WOMEN?" "OH, I THINK THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS." "WELL, IT'S PERHAPS NOT QUITE IN KEEPING" "WITH THE MODERN POINT OF VIEW ON THAT PARTICULAR SUBJECT." "BUT, AFTER ALL," "THE GLOBE-LEADER IS THE LEADING PAPER OF NEW YORK." "WELL, IT COULD STILL BE THE LEADING PAPER IN NEW YORK" "AND ENGAGE WOMEN, COULDN'T IT?" "HMM." "PERHAPS," "IF THE DECISION WERE UP TO ME." "BUT THAT'S A MATTER FOR MORLEY TO DECIDE." "WELL, I " "HELLO, MORLEY." " HELLO." "THE, UH, LEGAL DEPARTMENT OF THE GLOBE-LEADER" "TAKES PLEASURE IN TRANSFERRING YOU TEMPORARILY" "TO THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH." "THANK YOU." "DO, UH, YOU WANT TO WATCH THE BRIDGE GAME?" "NOT UNLESS YOU INSIST." "YOU SEE, I NOT ONLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY BRIDGE," "I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO WATCH BRIDGE." "I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF GETTING AWAY FROM BRIDGE PLAYERS" "KEEPS AS MANY PEOPLE OCCUPIED EVERY NIGHT" "AS PLAYING BRIDGE DOES." "BEG YOUR PARDON." "YES?" "FOR MISS ALDRICH, PLEASE." "MRS. ATHERTON WANTS AN ANSWER." "EXCUSE ME." ""DID ANDREW JACKSON HAVE A CAULIFLOWER EAR?"" "WHAT?" "ANSWER YES OR NO." "WELL, I DON'T KNOW." "IT'S QUITE PROBABLE." ""HOW OLD WAS PRESIDENT CLEVELAND?"" "AT WHAT AGE?" "I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS, PLEASE." "UH, "WAS PRESIDENT mckinley CLEAN-SHAVEN?"" "YES." "UH, WILL YOU TELL MY AUNT" "THAT THE ANSWERS TO NUMBER 1 AND 2" "ARE "DON'T KNOW" AND NUMBER 3 IS "YES"?" "THAT'S ALL." "THANK YOU." "I SUPPOSE I OUGHT TO EXPLAIN." "MY AUNT IS WORKING ON THE FACES OF THE PRESIDENTS." "WORKING ON THE FACES OF THE PRESIDENTS?" "OH, IT'S SORT OF A NEWSPAPER CONTEST," "AND THEY SCRAMBLE ALL THE DIFFERENT PARTS" "OF THE FACES OF THE PRESIDENTS," "AND THEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PUT THEM TOGETHER AGAIN." "OH, I SEE." "YOU KNOW, I WOULD HAVE GUESSED YOUR AUNT WAS A PUZZLE NUT." "I'M AFRAID I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG IN THAT." "WRONG WITH IT?" "YOU'D BE AMAZED AT HOW MANY PAPERS HAVE A CIRCULATION" "MADE UP OF NOTHING BUT THAT KIND OF PEOPLE." "THAT KIND OF PEOPLE?" "YES, PEOPLE THAT JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURES," "JUST TURN TO THE COMICS AND" " AND CROSSWORD PUZZLES" "AND ADVICE TO THE LOVELORN." "I'M SORRY, MR. MORLEY." "I'M AFRAID I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU." "AREN'T THEY SUPPOSED TO HAVE NEWSPAPERS, THE" " THE PEOPLE?" "THAT ISN'T WHAT I MEAN." "NOW, THE GLOBE-LEADER ISN'T READ ONLY BY UNIVERSITY PROFESSORS," "BUT WE GO ON THE THEORY THAT EVERY MAN WHO BUYS THE PAPER" "IS AN INTELLIGENT, INTERESTED CITIZEN." "EVERY MAN THAT BUYS THE PAPER?" "YES." "BUT DON'T WOMEN BUY THE PAPER, TOO?" "CERTAINLY, THEY DO." "WE CARRY MORE DEPARTMENT-STORE ADVERTISING" "THAN ANY OTHER PAPER IN TOWN." "BUT WHEN A MAN PICKS UP THE GLOBE-LEADER" " I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO GO IN." "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "YOU COLD?" "CAN I GET YOU A WRAP?" "NO." "I WANT TO GO IN." "OH, NOT BACK TO THAT DEN OF BRIDGE PLAYERS." "I'M TIRED." "I WANT TO GO TO BED." "BUT IT'S EARLY, AND I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE PAPER." "YOU'VE TOLD ME ABOUT THE PAPER, MR. MORLEY." "NOW, THIS IS CALLED THE CITY ROOM." "BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S CALLED A CITY ROOM." "HONEST, I DON'T." "NOBODY IN NEW YORK" "SEEMS TO KNOW THE REASON FOR ANYTHING." "ALL THESE DESKS ARE FOR THE REPORTERS." "OH." "HELLO." "HELLO." "HELLO." "TERRIBLY SORRY I WASN'T ABLE TO BE HERE WHEN YOU ARRIVED," "BUT I'VE BEEN RUNNING AROUND IN CIRCLES SINCE YESTERDAY MORNING," "TRYING TO RUN DOWN A STORY." "UH, ARE YOU SEEING EVERYTHING?" "AS FAR AS I KNOW." "I'D LIKE TO MEET YOUR PUZZLE EDITOR." "I'M AFRAID WE HAVEN'T ANY SUCH PERSON." "WELL, I SHOULD THINK IF YOU CAN AFFORD A BIG MARBLE BUILDING," "YOU CAN AFFORD A PUZZLE EDITOR," "NOT JUST LET ANYONE WHO HAPPENS TO BE AROUND HANDLE IT." "WELL, IT DOES SEEM SO, DOESN'T IT?" "UH, WHY DON'T YOU COME INTO MY OFFICE?" "TRYING TO COVER A PLANT THE SIZE OF THIS IN ONE DAY" "IS VERY TIRING." "MM-HMM." "HERE'S ONE WITH HIS HAT OFF." "HE MUST BE A BEGINNER." "WELL, IF YOU SAY YOU HAVEN'T GOT A PUZZLE DEPARTMENT," "MR. MORLEY, I SUPPOSE YOU HAVEN'T." "BUT, UH, COULDN'T WE SEE" "WHOEVER IT IS THAT TAKES CARE OF THE PUZZLES?" "WE HAVEN'T ANYBODY WHO TAKES CARE OF PUZZLES, MRS. ATHERTON." "WE HAVEN'T ANY PUZZLES." "YOU, UH, COULDN'T GET A THING OUT OF THE AMBASSADOR?" "NOT A WORD." "ONE OF THE BIGGEST STORIES IN YEARS," "AND WE CAN'T EVEN COME TO GRIPS WITH IT." "WOULD IT BE TERRIBLY IMPERTINENT FOR ME TO INQUIRE WHAT IT WAS?" "OH, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND, MISS ALDRICH." "IT'S, UH - IT'S ABOUT THE QUEEN." "WELL, THERE'S BEEN ENOUGH IN THE PAPERS ABOUT THAT QUEEN." "MY GOODNESS." "I SHOULD THINK A QUEEN COULD VISIT AMERICA." "THIS PARTICULAR QUEEN, MRS. ATHERTON," "HAPPENS TO BE NEWS NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES." "IN THIS CASE, WELL, ABOUT 10 DAYS AGO," "ONE OF MY MEN HAPPENED TO HEAR" "THAT THE QUEEN WAS EXPECTING AN ADDITION TO THE FAMILY." "REALLY?" "YOU MEAN, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, SHE'S " "YOU SEE?" "THAT WILL GIVE YOU AN IDEA" "OF WHETHER PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN THE STORY OR NOT." "IT WOULD BE THE FIRST CHILD, MISS ALDRICH" " AN HEIR TO THE THRONE." "BUT WE CAN'T PRINT IT UNLESS IT IS SO, AND WE CAN'T FIND OUT." "WE'VE TRIED EVERY WAY." "I DON'T SEE WHY IT SHOULD BE SO DIFFICULT." "WELL, WE'RE NOT GETTING ANYPLACE." "WELL, IF IT WERE UP TO ME, I REALLY THINK " "SAY, YOU DON'T SUPPOSE WE COULD GET TO THE PRESIDENT, DO YOU?" "I" " I MEAN IT." "IT WOULD BE DIFFICULT." "WELL, IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING QUICKLY," "WE MIGHT AS WELL ADMIT WE'RE LICKED." "WHY DON'T YOU OFFER A PRIZE TO ANYONE WHO CAN TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW?" "ONLY, BEFORE THE END OF THE CONTEST," "THEY'D HAVE TO SUBSCRIBE TO THE GLOBE-LEADER FOR THREE MONTHS." "THAT WAY, YOU NOT ONLY FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW," "BUT YOU'D GET A WHOLE LOT MORE READERS." "YES, YES, THAT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA." "LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE MIGHT DO NOW." "YOU MIGHT..." "MAY I SPEAK TO HER MAJESTY, PLEASE?" "THIS IS THE NEW YORK GLOBE-LEADER CALLING." "THE NEW YORK GLOBE-LEADER, YOUR MAJESTY." "HELLO?" "THE GLOBE-LEADER HAS HEARD A REPORT" "THAT" " THAT YOUR MAJESTY IS EXPECTING AN HEIR." "OF COURSE, WE WOULDN'T WANT TO PRINT" "ANY SUCH RUMOR UNLESS IT WERE CORRECT." "IT IS CORRECT." "IN AUGUST, I THINK." "OH, THANK YOU." "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "TELL ME, WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN SIMPLER TO ASK ME" "INSTEAD OF TRYING TO BRIBE MEMBERS OF MY STAFF?" "YES, YOUR MAJESTY." "THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO SIMPLE." "WELL, YOU MAY SEND A REPORTER TO SEE ME AT 5:00, IF YOU WISH." "OH, THANK YOU." "A" " AND YOU WON'T TELL ANY OTHER PAPER, WILL YOU?" "OH, I ALWAYS RESPECT ENTERPRISE." "GOODBYE." "SORRY I MUST BE RUNNING ALONG, MRS. ATHERTON." "GOODBYE." "YOU'LL CALL US AS SOON AS YOU TALK TO WASHINGTON, WON'T YOU?" "IS MR. WARFIELD TO TALK TO WASHINGTON" "ABOUT THE QUEEN'S CONDITION?" "YES." "HE WON'T HAVE TO TALK TO WASHINGTON." "THE QUEEN IS GOING TO HAVE A BABY, IN AUGUST, PROBABLY." "HOW DO YOU, UH " "WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'D APPROVE, MR. MORLEY." "THEY TELL ME YOU DON'T THINK VERY HIGHLY" "OF WOMEN IN NEWSPAPER WORK." "NEVER MIND ABOUT THAT." "WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE QUEEN?" "YOU MUST PROMISE TO TELL ME IF I DID WRONG." "I WOULDN'T WANT TO VIOLATE" "ANY RULES ESTABLISHED BY MEN FOR NEWSPAPER REPORTING." "ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME, OR ARE YOU NOT?" "!" "WELL, I..." "I'M JUST A SILLY WOMAN," "SO I WALKED INTO YOUR OUTER OFFICE," "AND I CALLED UP THE QUEEN." "AND I ASKED IF SHE WAS GOING TO HAVE A BABY, AND SHE SAID YES, IN AUGUST," "AND SHE PROMISED NOT TO TELL ANY OTHER PAPER." "WHAT DID I DO WRONG, MR. MORLEY?" "YOU TALKED TO THE QUEEN?" "OH!" "WHAT WAS SHE WEARING?" "I TOLD YOU" " I TALKED TO HER ON THE PHONE." "AH." "OH." "MY CONGRATULATIONS, MISS ALDRICH." "I GUESS I WON'T HAVE TO TALK TO WASHINGTON NOW." "GOODBYE, MR. WARFIELD." "GOODBYE." "GOODBYE, MORLEY." "GOODBYE." "I WANT TO, UH, CONGRATULATE YOU, MISS ALDRICH." "I DON'T KNOW HOW WE OVERLOOKED THE OBVIOUS." "THAT'S ALL ANYBODY EVER OVERLOOKS." "PROPERLY SPEAKING," "YOU CAN'T OVERLOOK WHAT ISN'T OBVIOUS, CAN YOU?" "THAT'S WHEN SHE CAN DRIVE YOU CRAZY, MR. MORLEY " "WHEN SHE STARTS TALKING LIKE AN ENGLISH TEACHER." "THIS IS YOUR PAPER." "IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I'M RUNNING IT " "OH, I'M PERFECTLY SATISFIED" "WITH YOUR MANAGEMENT OF THE PAPER." "THANK YOU." "BUT I DO THINK YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT EMPLOYING WOMEN IS WRONG." "MARTHA, DON'T YOU THINK YOU COULD SUGGEST " "YOU KNOW, JUST SUGGEST - THAT PEOPLE LIKE PUZZLES" "AND IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA " "OF COURSE, MR. MORLEY," "YOU'RE IN COMPLETE CHARGE OF THE PAPER," "SO YOUR DECISIONS MUST BE FINAL." "THANK YOU." "GOODBYE." "GOODBYE." "TELL ME SOMETHING." "YES?" "DOES THE CITY ROOM HAVE TO LOOK" "AS SLOPPY AND DISORDERLY AS IT DOES?" "A CITY ROOM ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE" "A BEAUTY PARLOR, MISS ALDRICH." "A PLACE WHERE MEN REALLY WORK, I IMAGINE " "OH, WELL, I WAS JUST ASKING." "I IMAGINE MEN KNOW" "WHAT KIND OF SURROUNDINGS SUIT THEM BEST." "THANK YOU." "WELL, GOODBYE." "GOODBYE." "YOU WERE MOST INSTRUCTIVE." "THANK YOU." "OH, AND YOU WON'T FORGET TO SEND SOMEBODY TO SEE THE QUEEN" "AT 5:00, WILL YOU?" "WE'LL SEND OUR BEST MAN." "WHY DON'T YOU LEND HIM THAT SUIT YOU WORE AT THE STATION?" "EVEN A QUEEN LIKES TO LAUGH." "THANK YOU, MISS ALDRICH." "THAT ABOUT FINISHES IT UP." "SO FAR AS THE COURTS ARE CONCERNED," "YOU ARE NOW IN FULL LEGAL POSSESSION OF THE GLOBE-LEADER." "AND THAT'S JUST WHERE I'M GOING RIGHT NOW." "CAN SHE PUT A PUZZLE PAGE IN IF SHE WANTS TO?" "IF SHE WANTS TO." "GOOD DAY, LADIES." "GOODBYE, MR. WARFIELD." "OH, AUNT LOU, CAN I GIVE YOU A LIFT ANYWHERE?" "OH, NO." "IT'S TOO FAR OUT OF THE WAY." "I'LL TAKE A TAXI." "ALL RIGHT." "BYE-BYE." "BYE." "TAXI!" "YOO-HOO!" "YOO-HOO!" "DON'T DRIVE SO FAST!" "ARE YOU JAMES JOSEPH McELARNEY?" "YEAH." "I'M JAMES JOSEPH McELARNEY." "DON'T GO SO FAST!" "LISTEN, LADY," "THREE TIMES YOU ASKED ME IF I WAS JAMES JOSEPH McELARNEY." "IT'S MY PRIVILEGE TO ASK, I'M SURE." "OKAY." "THEN A MINUTE LATER, I HAD TO SHOW YOU MY LICENSE." "I SUPPOSE YOU THINK IT'S ALL RIGHT TO DRIVE WITHOUT A LICENSE." "THEN TWO BLOCKS LATER, I WAS DRIVING TOO FAST." "THEN THREE BLOCKS LATER, I WAS DRIVING TOO SLOW." "NOW I'M DRIVING TOO FAST." "LISTEN, LADY, IN NEW YORK CITY," "WHEN A PASSENGER GETS IN THE CAR," "IF HE AIN'T OBVIOUSLY CRIMINAL, INEBRIATED, OR INSANE," "YOU GOT TO TAKE HIM WHERE HE WANTS TO GO." "LOOK, LADY, IF I PAY YOUR FARE FROM HERE TO YOUR HOTEL" "AND GIVE YOU 2 BUCKS MORE," "WILL YOU GET OUT OF THIS CAB AND GET ANOTHER ONE?" "DRIVE ON." "PLEASE, LADY." "DRIVE ON!" "HOW MUCH?" "$2.10." "HOW MUCH?" "$2.10." "TWO DOL" "$3." "$2.10." "$2.11." "12." "13." "14." "15." "16." "17." "18." "19." "20." "21..." "WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GOVERNOR WARFIELD." "THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW." "BYE-BYE." "DOC, THE NEW OWNER IS ON THE WAY OVER." "MM-HMM." "TELL THE BOYS TO GET READY." "OKAY." "HELLO, HELLO." "HELLO." "I SUPPOSE I SHOULD SAY THIS IS A SURPRISE," "BUT IT ISN'T, REALLY." "MR. WARFIELD PHONED ME YOU WERE ON YOUR WAY UP." "YES." "I'M BEING REPORTED LIKE A STEAMSHIP." "IT'S, UH, CALLED THE AGE OF INNOCENCE." "OH." "THIS WAY, PLEASE." "OH, THANK YOU." "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, SIR." "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON." "THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT." "WELL, IT, UH, LOOKS DIFFERENT, DOESN'T IT, HUH?" "YES, A GREAT IMPROVEMENT." "SHOWS YOU WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH A LITTLE WILL." "DIDN'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB, DID THEY?" "THEY DIDN'T HAVE VERY MUCH TIME." "WELL, GET SOME WOMEN IN AND DO IT OVER AGAIN." "FINE." "GOOD MORNING, MISS ALDRICH." "HOW DO YOU DO, MR. HOWE?" "YOU KNOW, UH," "I PHONED YOU AT YOUR HOTEL A LITTLE WHILE AGO" "TO, UH, TELL YOU" "HOW SUCCESSFUL YOUR STORY ABOUT THE QUEEN HAD BEEN." "YES." "IT'S THE SUCCESS OF THAT STORY THAT'S BRINGING ME HERE." "I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME A JOB." "WHAT KIND OF A JOB?" "I WANT TO BE A REPORTER." "ARE YOU ASKING FOR A JOB AS PLAIN MISS MARTHA ALDRICH OR " "AS PLAIN MISS MARTHA ALDRICH." "I'VE NEVER HAD A WOMAN REPORTER ON MY STAFF." "WELL, I DON'T IMAGINE ONE WOMAN IS GOING TO RUIN YOUR PAPER." "ONE WOMAN HAS RUINED A LOT OF THINGS" "MORE IMPORTANT THAN A PAPER." "WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE?" "YOU CAN'T TELL." "I MIGHT MAKE GOOD." "IF YOU WEREN'T THE OWNER, MISS ALDRICH," "I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU A JOB." "BUT SINCE YOU ARE, WELL, I'LL PRETEND YOU'RE NOT." "MISS ALDRICH, YOU ARE NOW A REPORTER." "THANK YOU." "YOU'LL GET $35 A WEEK TO START AND AN EXPENSE ACCOUNT," "BUT IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD," "BECAUSE AN EXPENSE ACCOUNT ON THIS PAPER IS MERELY A THEORY." "PUT IN YOUR BILL, AND THE AUDITOR DOESN'T ALLOW IT." "AS A REPORTER, I THINK IT'S A DIRTY, ROTTEN SHAME." "BUT AS OWNER, I SUPPOSE I OUGHT TO GIVE THAT AUDITOR A RAISE." "THANK YOU." "GOOD LUCK." "MR. MORLEY WANTS TO SEE YOU, MISS ALDRICH." "WILL THAT BE ALL, MR. MORLEY?" "THAT'S ALL UNLESS, UH " "UNLESS YOU'LL HAVE DINNER WITH ME." "MR. HOWE SAYS MY DINNER HOUR IS FROM 5:10 TO 5:55" "AT THE CAFETERIA AROUND THE CORNER." "WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO DRAW IT QUITE AS FINE AS THAT." "WILL YOU HAVE DINNER WITH ME?" "AT THE CAFETERIA AROUND THE CORNER FROM 5:10 TO 5:55?" "I EAT THERE ALL THE TIME." "MNH." "NOT ALL THE TIME." "FROM 5:10 TO 5:55." "COUPLE OF LAMB CHOPS, PLEASE." "OH, DEAR." "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "GET ME A PIECE OF APPLE PIE AND A GLASS OF MILK, WILL YOU?" "I FORGOT TO TELL MR. HOWE WHERE I WAS GOING." "YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL HOWE!" "AH." "AHA." "I TOLD HIM THE CAFETERIA." "AND WAS HE PLEASED?" "NO." "HE SAID I SHOULD HAVE TOLD THE BOY." "THAT'S WHAT IS CALLED "DELEGATING AUTHORITY."" "THE POOR BOY HASN'T ANYBODY TO TAKE IT DOWN FOR HIM," "SO HE TAKES IT DOWN HIMSELF." "THEN HE GETS EVEN BY LOSING THE PAPER HE WROTE IT ON." "YOU KNOW, IT'S A FUNNY THING." "I WAS LISTENING TO YOUR REPORTERS LAST NIGHT." "EVERY ONE OF THEM HAS SOME COMPLAINT ABOUT NEWSPAPER WORK," "BUT THEY NEVER SEEM TO WANT TO LEAVE." "THAT'S RIGHT." "ANYBODY WHO'S SATISFIED TO BE A NEWSPAPERMAN" "ISN'T THE LEAST BIT FIT TO BE A NEWSPAPERMAN " "OR WOMAN." "THANK YOU." "NOW, YOU'LL, UH, STOP ME" "IF I GET TOO SERIOUS, WON'T YOU?" "MM-HMM." "BUT BEING A NEWSPAPER, UH, PERSON" "IS A VERY IMPORTANT THING TO ME." "YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR THIS" "BECAUSE THEY'D MAKE A JOKE OUT OF IT" "AND I NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT," "BUT I'D RATHER BE A GOOD NEWSPAPERMAN" "THAN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES." "AND IT'S PROBABLY A GOOD THING I FEEL THAT WAY, AS I'D NEVER BE ELECTED." "YOU KNOW, I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU, DO YOU THINK" "THIS IS THE CORRECT THING TO WEAR FOR NEWSPAPER REPORTING?" "WELL, IT COULD BE A LITTLE MORE BUSINESS-LIKE." "I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT WOMEN'S CLOTHES." "WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO MUCH EXPENSE" "TILL I WAS SURE THE JOB WAS PERMANENT." "IT'S PERMANENT IF YOU WANT IT TO BE PERMANENT." "BUT I WISH YOU WOULDN'T." "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WISH?" "WHAT DO YOU WISH, MR. MORLEY?" "IF I'M GOING TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION," "YOU'VE GOT TO CALL ME "KENNETH" AND NOT "MR. MORLEY."" "ALL RIGHT, KENNETH." "WHAT DO YOU WISH?" "WELL, SORRY I MENTIONED IT NOW," "BECAUSE, UH..." "WELL, I-IT'S NOT A JOKE." "IT'S SERIOUS." "I WISH, UH..." "I" " I DON'T SUPPOSE THIS IS EXACTLY THE PLACE" "FOR THIS KIND OF THING." "ALL I KNOW ABOUT IT IS, WELL, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE DONE" "IN MOONLIGHT WITH SOFT MUSIC AND..." "BUT I DO WISH " "OH, DEAR!" "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "I FORGOT TO TELL MR. HOWE THE PHONE NUMBER." "YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL HIM THE PHONE NUMBER." "HE KNOWS IT." "HE EATS HERE HIMSELF WHEN HE CAN AFFORD IT." "WELL, IF I WANT TO DROP A NICKEL IN THE COIN BOX" "AND NOT ASK FOR A NUMBER, IT'S MY BUSINESS, ISN'T IT?" "TEMPER." "WELL, DID YOU GIVE DOC HOWE THE GOOD NEWS?" "NO, I GAVE IT TO THE OFFICE BOY." "HE SAID I SHOULD HAVE TOLD MR. HOWE." "UH..." "OH, UH, WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT BEFORE I LEFT?" "WELL, I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING." "YES." "UH, WHAT WAS IT?" "IT'S KIND OF HARD FOR ME TO START OVER." "OH." "I GUESS IT WASN'T IMPORTANT." "IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT." "AND YOU'VE FORGOTTEN?" "I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN IT." "ONLY IT'S " "IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN IMPORTANT." "IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT." "IT WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE," "AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU, TOO." "IF YOU WANT TO." "IF I WANT TO?" "IT WAS MY IDEA TO START WITH." "YES?" "I " "WELL, I DON'T SUPPOSE ANYBODY IN THE WORLD EXCEPT ME" "EVER WORKED HIMSELF INTO JUST THIS KIND OF A SPOT" "FOR THIS KIND OF A THING." "BUT IF IT'S GOT TO BE, IT'S GOT TO BE." "MISS ALDRICH, DO YOU SU" "IF I'M TO CALL YOU "KENNETH,"" "I DO THINK YOU SHOULD CALL ME "MARTHA."" "MARTHA..." "UH..." "YES." "MARTHA..." "I" " I KNOW I HAVEN'T ANY RIGHT TO TELL THIS TO YOU," "BUT I'VE KNOWN IT SINCE I FIRST MET YOU," "WHEN I SAW YOU THAT DAY AT THE STATION." "WHAT I WANT TO SAY IS " "OH, DEAR!" "DEAR!" "HOWE AGAIN?" "I FORGOT TO TELL MR. HOWE WHAT TIME I WAS COMING BACK." "YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL HOWE WHAT TIME YOU'RE GOING BACK." "YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK AT ALL." "YOU'RE WITH ME!" "OH, THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, MR. MORLEY" " UH, KENNETH." "BUT I'M JUST A REPORTER," "AND I DON'T WANT TO ABUSE MY PRIVILEGES." "TSK!" "ALL RIGHT, OPERATOR." "SO THERE ISN'T ANY SUCH EXCHANGE AS "DONNAVESSA."" "MAYBE I OUGHT TO PUT A PRIVATE PHONE IN FOR HOWE," "AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE LINE BEING BUSY." "HOW DID YOU KNOW THE LINE WAS BUSY?" "LISTEN, WILL YOU " "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "AREN'T YOU GOING TO EAT ANYTHING MORE?" "WHY, NO!" "WE USED UP ALL THE TIME." "IT'S 5:55." "WELL, OF ALL THE " "LET ME PAY FOR MY DINNER." "NOW, YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT BEING THE MODERN WOMAN FOR 65 CENTS." "WHEN IT'S AS LITTLE AS 65 CENTS, IT'S NO TROUBLE AT ALL" "TO REMEMBER ABOUT BEING THE MODERN WOMAN." "YOU KNOW, IT ISN'T EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY BEFORE," "BUT I THINK YOU'RE ELEGANT." "IF ONLY I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A NEWSPAPER REPORTER, HUH?" "THAT'S RIGHT." "UNLESS SOME MIRACLE HAPPENS, GENTLEMEN," "UNLESS MR. TALBOT FOR THE CORPORATIONS" "OR MR. AND MRS. SINCLAIR FOR THE UNIONS" "COMPLETELY CHANGE THEIR MINDS," "THIS COUNTRY WILL BE FACE-TO-FACE" "WITH THE GREATEST STRIKE IN ITS HISTORY NEXT WEDNESDAY MORNING." "A GOOD MANY OF YOU WILL HAVE TO BE TAKEN" "FROM YOUR REGULAR ASSIGNMENTS" "AND PUT TO WORK ON VARIOUS PHASES OF THE STRIKE." "THAT WILL MEAN THAT THE REST OF YOU" "WILL HAVE TO NOT ONLY DO YOUR OWN WORK" "BUT CARRY DOUBLE AND TRIPLE" "FOR THE MEN THAT HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED ELSEWHERE." "I THINK THAT'S ALL." "THANK YOU." "I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS AS SERIOUS AS ALL THAT." "IT'S PLENTY SERIOUS." "TALBOT REFUSES TO TALK TO THE SINCLAIRS," "AND THE SINCLAIRS REFUSE TO TALK TO TALBOT." "PLENTY OF WILD MEN ON BOTH SIDES WHO WANT A STRIKE." "BUT I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOME KIND OF AGREEMENT." "EXPIRES NEXT TUESDAY AT MIDNIGHT." "IF THERE ISN'T A NEW ONE BY THEN, STRIKE'S ON, BABY." "PHONE CALL FOR YOU, MISS ALDRICH." "TAKE IT IN NUMBER 3, PLEASE." "ALL RIGHT." "THANK YOU." "HELLO?" "HELLO, ELLEN." "HELLO, MARTHA." "I WANT YOU TO MEET GREGORY AND ME" "IN FRONT OF GENERAL SHERMAN'S STATUE" "AT THE PLAZA AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT." "MIDNIGHT?" "BUT, ELLEN, I'M " "OH, NO." "DON'T ARGUE." "IT'S IMPORTANT." "IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT EVER HAPPENED." "OH, PLEASE." "PLEASE SAY YOU'LL BE THERE." "WELL, ALL RIGHT." "ALL RIGHT." "THAT'S A DARLING." "GOODBYE." "WHY, MR. MORLEY." "WON'T YOU COME IN?" "I WANT TO SEE MISS ALDRICH!" "WELL, SHE'S SLEEPING." "IT'S ONLY HALF PAST 8:00." "SHE DIDN'T GET HOME TILL 4:00." "WELL, WHERE IS SHE?" "!" "THAT'S MY BEDROOM." "MISS ALDRICH!" "MISS ALDRICH." "MISS ALDRICH!" "WHAT?" "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "THE MAN'S CRAZY, MARTHA, IF YOU ASK ME." "WHAT IS IT, MR. MORLEY?" "I THINK I'D LIKE TO BREAK YOUR NECK." "MR. MORLEY, EVEN AS A JOKE " "SHUT UP AND GO BACK IN THERE AND PUZZLE YOUR PUZZLES." "I'M AFRAID, MR. MORLEY, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU" "TO LEAVE." "YOU COULDN'T BEG ME TO STAY." "I GUESS YOU GOT HOME SO LATE" "YOU HAVEN'T HAD CHANCE TO READ THE PAPERS." "I HAVEN'T." "BUT I DON'T SEE THAT THAT'S ANY REASON TO " "DID YOU EVER HEAR OF THE CHRONICLE, MISS ALDRICH," "THE NEW YORK CHRONICLE, OR DO I HAVE TO REMIND YOU" "THAT IT'S OUR MOST PROMINENT COMPETITOR?" "I'M SURE YOU DIDN'T COME HERE TO GIVE ME A TALK" "ON NEW YORK JOURNALISM, MR. MORLEY." "WHAT IS IT?" "IT'S THIS" " THIS MORNING'S NEW YORK CHRONICLE." "EX-GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER, BRIDE OF GREGORY STONE." ""MISS WARFIELD'S ONLY ATTENDANT WAS MISS MARTHA ALDRICH" "OF LOWER PLATTE, NEBRASKA, NEW YORK CITY, WHO RECENTLY -"" "NO WONDER YOU WOULDN'T TELL ME WHERE YOU WERE." "SHUT UP!" "FOR YOUR INFORMATION, MY DEAR, THIS LITTLE PIECE OF NEWS" "WAS PUBLISHED EXCLUSIVELY IN THE CHRONICLE." "I'M SORRY, MR. MORLEY." "THAT'S FINE." "MISS ALDRICH IS SORRY." "WHAT DO YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO HAVE YOU DO " "APOLOGIZE PERSONALLY TO ALL OUR READERS?" "WELL, YOU NEEDN'T BE SO SARCASTIC WITH YOUR SARCASM, MR. MORLEY." "YOU KNOW, I'M BEGINNING TO SEE HOW THEY GOT THAT STORY." "GREGORY SAID HE THOUGHT THE MARRIAGE CLERK LOOKED LIKE" "A FELLOW HE USED TO KNOW ON THE CHRONICLE." "OH!" "BUT YOU COULDN'T STOP TO THINK THAT YOU LOOK" "LIKE MARTHA ALDRICH OF THE GLOBE-LEADER!" "WELL, THEY ASKED ME TO KEEP IT A SECRET!" "A SECRET." "VERY STUPID OF ME, I ADMIT." "THANK YOU." "ALL I'VE GOT TO WORRY ABOUT" "IS THE GREATEST STRIKE THAT AMERICA HAS EVER KNOWN," "AND YOU FIX IT SO WE'RE BEATEN BY THE CHRONICLE." "I SHOULD THINK IT'D BE CLEAR TO YOU BY NOW, MISS ALDRICH," "THAT YOU'RE NOT REALLY EQUIPPED TO BE A NEWSPAPERWOMAN." "I GUESS SO." "I RESIGN." "RESIGNATION ACCEPTED." "AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, MR. MORLEY," "THIS HAPPENS TO BE MY BEDROOM!" "I'VE SAID EVERYTHING I'VE GOT TO SAY!" "PERHAPS SOMEDAY YOU'LL UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU " "WELL, WHEN YOUR PAPER DOESN'T DO ITS JOB, IT'S LIKE, UH..." "WILL YOU PLEASE GO, MR. MORLEY?" "SURE!" "GOODBYE!" "WELL, OF ALL THE INSANE, PREPOSTEROUS " "THE MAN'S MAD." "WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE" "WHO PRINTED THAT ELLEN WARFIELD GOT MARRIED TO SOMEBODY OR OTHER," "SO LONG AS IT'S PRINTED?" "WHAT'D SHE WEAR?" "CARRYING ON LIKE THAT JUST BECAUSE SOMEBODY G" "WERE THEY SOBER?" "OH, AUNT LOU, LEAVE ME ALONE!" "WELL, IF YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD," "IF THE NEAREST RELATIVE YOU'VE GOT IN THIS WHOLE WORLD " "IF A PERSON CAN'T ASK A SIMPLE QUESTION TO GET A SIMPLE ANSWER." "MISS HIGH AND MIGHTY!" "HA!" "I DON'T SEE HOW YOU'RE LETTING ANYBODY DOWN" "IF GO OUT TO HELP A FRIEND GET MARRIED IN SECRET." "AND THE FRIEND SHOULD KEEP A SECRET A SECRET." "TELL ME, WAS SHE NERVOUS?" "I SAID, WAS SHE NERVOUS?" "I DIDN'T NOTICE." "FINE REPORTER YOU ARE, I MUST SAY." "YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE IF THE BRIDE WAS NERVOUS." "I DON'T WONDER MR. MORLEY " "AUNT LOU, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO HOME TODAY?" "NOW YOU'RE CRAZY." "LISTEN, MARTHA, YOU'RE ALL MAD." "YOU'RE ALL MAD, AREN'T YOU?" "WELL, THERE'S BEEN MILLIONS OF WOMEN IN THE SAME FIX" "MANY, MANY YEARS." "THERE'S ALWAYS ONE THING THEY'RE ABLE TO DO TO LET OFF STEAM." "DON'T YOU EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS?" "WHAT IS IT, AUNT LOU?" "GO OUT AND BUY YOURSELF A HAT." "THAT DON'T WORK, BUY TWO HATS." "BUY THREE HATS." "NEVER SAW A MAD YET THAT STAYED PUT AFTER THREE HATS." "THAT'S RIGHT, AUNT LOU." "THAT WOULD GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO." "AND WHEN THAT'S THROUGH," "I'M GOING TO HAVE MY HAIR DONE WITH SPIT CURLS." "GET IT BLEACHED." "RED, WHITE, AND BLUE IF I FEEL LIKE IT." "TELL ME..." "WASN'T ELLEN JUST A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS?" "HUH?" "YES, JUST A TEENY" " I THOUGHT SO." "YOU WOULDN'T TELL ME." "I HAD TO GO FIGHTING AND ASKING." "YOU NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING." "I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU, MADAME." "JUST ONE MOMENT, PLEASE." "THIS IS BACK." "ARE YOU THROUGH WITH THIS ONE?" "YES, MADAME." "IF YOU WILL TRY THIS, MADAME, PLEASE?" "THIS?" "HMM." "THE ONLY THING IS I MUST HAVE IT DELIVERED NOT LATER THAN 6:00." "I'LL ASK MADAME SADA AND MAKE SURE." "THANK YOU." "EXCUSE ME, MADAME." "MRS. SINCLAIR HAS JUST DECIDED ON THE INFANTA," "BUT IT MUST BE DELIVERED TO HER BY 6:00." "OH, OF COURSE." "OF COURSE." "I GUARANTEE IT." "ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE IT." "THANK YOU." "IT'LL ALL BE TAKEN CARE OF, MADAME SINCLAIR." "THANK YOU." "I'LL WEAR THIS, AND WILL YOU SEND MY OTHER ONE" "TO THE PLAZA HOTEL - MISS MARTHA ALDRICH?" ""MISS MARTHA ALDRICH, PLAZA HOTEL."" "GOODBYE, MADAME SINCLAIR." "OH, THESE WONDERFUL AMERICAN WOMEN." "MILLIONS OF PEOPLES WAIT TO SEE" "IF THERE WILL BE A STRIKE OR NOT," "AND MRS. SINCLAIR FINDS TIME TO BUY A HAT." "HOW" "IS THAT THE MRS. SINCLAIR, THE LABOR LEADER?" "THE MRS. SINCLAIR." "OH." "WELL, THANKS FOR LETTING ME SEE YOU HOME, MR. SINCLAIR." "NOT AT ALL, TED." "AND THANKS TO YOU" "FOR LETTING ME GO UP INTO MY OWN APARTMENT ALONE." "I'D LOVE TO ASK YOU TO HAVE DINNER WITH US," "BUT THERE'S TOO MANY OF YOU." "HELLO, MR. SINCLAIR." "HELLO, BOYS." "WELL, YOU DON'T MIND IF WE STICK AROUND IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE" "HERE FOR A WHILE, DO YOU?" "OH, NOT AT ALL, TED." "GET ME USED TO A PICKET LINE." "WELL, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW." "OH, BY THE WAY, MR. SINCLAIR, THERE'S NO CHANCE AT ALL," "IS THERE, THAT YOU'D CALL UP MR. TALBOT?" "BOYS, I HAVE NEVER LIED TO YOU." "I AM NOT GOING TO CALL UP MR. TALBOT." "AND I FEEL PRETTY SAFE IN ASSUMING" "THAT TALBOT IS NOT GOING TO CALL ME UP." "THANKS, MR. SINCLAIR." "THANKS, MR. SINCLAIR." "WELL, THAT'S THAT." "ON THE LEVEL, MR. TALBOT," "ARE YOU GOING TO MEET WITH THE SINCLAIRS?" "I HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE AND EVERY REASON NOT TO BELIEVE" "THAT MR. AND MRS. SINCLAIR PROPOSE TO COME TO THIS OFFICE," "AND I CAN ASSURE YOU, FLATLY AND WITHOUT RESERVATION," "I HAVE NO INTENTION OF CALLING UPON THEM IN THEIR OFFICE." "TALBOT JUST LEFT." "GONNA SPEND THE WEEKEND AT HIS PLACE AT SEA GIRT." "OKAY, LARRY." "CATCH THE 6:12 TO SEA GIRT YOURSELF." "THE LOCAL CORRESPONDENT DOWN THERE WILL STAND BY TO HELP." "I DON'T WONDER YOU MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BAD," "SITTING AROUND, DOING NOTHING." "THOSE BOOKS YOU BOUGHT YESTERDAY " "WHY DON'T YOU READ ONE OF THEM?" "ALL RIGHT, AUNT LOU." "AAH!" "OH!" "JUST WHEN I WAS STARTING TO MAKE SOME SENSE OUT OF IT!" "I'M SORRY." "I'M SORRY." "AUNT LOU?" "YES?" "SUPPOSING YOU WERE THE MOST IMPORTANT LABOR LEADER IN THE WORLD " "I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT." "SUPPOSE YOU WERE THE MOST IMPORTANT LABOR LEADER IN THE WORLD " "YOU SAID THAT BEFORE." "NOW, SUPPOSING YOU WERE THIS WOMAN," "WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING BUYING A DINNER HAT THIS AFTERNOON" "THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE BY 6:00, OR ELSE YOU DIDN'T WANT IT?" "I'VE GOT A DINNER HAT." "IF SHE HAS TO HAVE THE HAT BY 6:00," "THAT MUST MEAN SHE'S GONNA WEAR IT TONIGHT." "WHY DON'T YOU GET INTERESTED IN ONE OF THESE PUZZLES?" "THEY'LL DRIVE YOU CRAZY." "BUT THEY WON'T MAKE YOU CRAZY THE WAY YOU ARE." "IF I COULD JUST FIND OUT WHY SHE HAS TO HAVE THAT HAT." "WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER?" "YOU ASKED THE QUEEN ABOUT A BABY, DIDN'T YOU?" "WELL, THE QUEEN WANTED TO TALK ABOUT HER BABY." "THIS HAPPENS TO BE SOMETHING" "THAT MRS. SINCLAIR DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT." "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" "I'M GOING TO FIND MRS. SINCLAIR" "AND ASK HER WHY SHE HAS TO HAVE THAT HAT." "THAT'S FINE." "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IN THE MEANTIME?" "OH, I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR." "IF I'M NOT, I'LL CALL YOU." "BE SURE YOU DO." "YOU CERTAINLY ARE ON TIME." "MADAME SADA," "SHE NEVER MAKES A PROMISE SHE CANNOT KEEP." "THAT'S FINE." "NOW, LET'S SEE IT." "MADAME, BUT IT IS PERFECT!" "JUST THE THING TO WEAR TO A DINNER OF ANY KIND." "SHE'S LOOSENED THE BAND JUST RIGHT, I MUST SAY." "OH, MADAME SADA" " SHE ALWAYS LOOSENS THE BAND JUST RIGHT." "I GUESS SO." "I TOLD MADAME SADA TO PUT THIS ON MY BILL." "OH, THAT IS ALL RIGHT." "MADAME SADA" " SHE ALWAYS PUTS THINGS ON THE BILL." "BUT ALWAYS." "YOU'RE A REPORTER, AREN'T YOU?" "WHAT PAPER ARE YOU WITH?" "THE GLOBE-LEADER." "AT LEAST I WAS UNTIL YESTERDAY." "I WAS FIRED." "I THOUGHT MR. MORLEY DIDN'T EMPLOY WOMEN ON HIS NEWS STAFF." "WELL, HE DIDN'T." "I WAS THE EXCEPTION." "NOW I GUESS HE DOESN'T AGAIN." "I COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND" "WHY KENNETH MORLEY WAS SO REACTIONARY ABOUT THAT." "I HAD A TALK WITH HIM ONCE." "WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT FOR US WOMEN" "IF I WERE TO GIVE YOU A PIECE OF NEWS RIGHT NOW" "THAT NO MAN IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY COULD GET?" "MRS. SINCLAIR, THAT'S WHY I WANTED IT." "IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF ME." "BUT I WON'T." "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT TO FIND BY COMING HERE?" "I DON'T KNOW, BUT I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THE AIR." "YOU WANTED A DINNER HAT." "YOU HAD TO HAVE IT BY 6:00." "MUST MEAN SOMETHING." "YOU'RE A VERY CLEVER GIRL." "MRS. SINCLAIR, IF YOU'LL PLEASE LET ME HAVE THE STORY?" "GOODBYE, MY DEAR." "OH, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE." "MR. MORLEY, I WANT TO TALK TO MARTHA." "SHE'S NOT HERE." "WELL, WHERE IS SHE?" "WELL, DON'T YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS?" "IF I KNEW WHERE SHE WAS, DO YOU THINK" "I'D ASK YOU TO LET ME TALK TO HER WHERE SHE WASN'T?" "DIDN'T SHE SAY WHERE SHE WAS GOING?" "OH, SHE HAD SOME CRAZY NOTION SHE WAS GOING TO FIND" "WHERE MRS. SINCLAIR " "WHO?" "!" "THE LABOR LADY!" "WHY DON'T YOU READ THE GLOBE-LEADER?" "FIND OUT A LOT ABOUT MRS. SINCLAIR" "IN THE GLOBE-LEADER." "I WANT A CAR." "OKAY, LADY." "WHAT KIND?" "ANY KIND" " AND A DRIVER." "OKAY." "JOE!" "MAKE IT QUICK - VERY QUICK." "ALL RIGHT, LADY." "HERE'S ONE RIGHT HERE." "THAT'S THE CAR I WANT YOU TO FOLLOW." "HUH?" "DON'T LET THEM KNOW WE'RE FOLLOWING THEM." "IT'S A JOKE." "I GET IT." "MRS. SINCLAIR - MRS. SINCLAIR HAS GONE TO BED." "AT 8:00?" "YES." "WILL YOU TELL MRS. SINCLAIR I'M HERE," "OR DO I HAVE TO CALL A POLICEMAN?" "OH, MRS. SINCLAIR'S GONE TO BED." "ALL RIGHT, THEN I'LL WAKE HER UP." "THEY SAID IF ANYONE CALLED, I WAS TO SAY THEY WERE NOT TO BE DISTURBED." "THEY WERE NOT TO BE DISTURBED, EH?" "NO, SIR." "WELL, NOW, YOU TELL ME SOMETHING." "WHAT?" "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THAT GIRL?" "THIS GIRL?" "UH-HUH." "YES." "SHE BROUGHT MRS. SINCLAIR A HAT THIS AFTERNOON." "I LET HER IN." "WHERE'S THE BODY?" "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE BODY?" "COME, COME." "JUST A MINUTE, NOW." "DID SHE SEE MRS. SINCLAIR?" "OH, YES." "YES, SHE SAW MRS. SINCLAIR." "MRS. SINCLAIR LEARNED, BY THE WAY, SHE WAS FROM THE NEWSPAPER." "AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" "HAPPENED?" "NOTHING." "SHE LEFT." "WITH MRS. SINCLAIR?" "OH, NO, NO, NO." "SHE LEFT ABOUT AN HOUR AGO." "MRS. SINCLAIR" " SHE AND MR. SINCLAIR LEFT ONLY A HALF-HOUR AGO." "I WANT TO SEE YOUR TRUNK CLOSET." "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" "I'M GOING TO GET TED MARTIN, AND I'M GOING TO FIND MARTHA." "I DON'T LEAVE THIS HOUSE WITHOUT MARTHA." "COME ALONG." "WE'LL START WITH THE BATHROOM." "YES, MA'AM." "WHERE DO THE SINCLAIRS KEEP THEIR STEAMER TRUNK?" "IT'S BROKEN." "IT'S NO GOOD ANYMORE." "I DON'T WANT TO USE IT." "I WANT TO LOOK IN IT." "WHERE IS IT?" "IT'S IN THE CELLAR." "TAKE ME TO THE TRUNK." "COME, COME." "YES, MA'AM." "OH." "OHH!" "STOP!" "LOOK AT THAT!" "IT'S THE HORSE'S NECK." "WHAT'S THE HORSE'S NECK DOING HERE?" "I DON'T KNOW." "MARTHA MUST HAVE BEEN HERE." "IF SHE HADN'T BEEN HERE, THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY HORSE'S NECK." "WE MUST NOTIFY MR. MORLEY AT ONCE" "AND STRIKE WHILE THE CLUE'S HOT." "COME." "SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?" "OH, WELL, YOU SEE, I DON'T " "PERHAPS THE, UH, TWO GENTLEMEN IN ROOM "B."" "HUH?" "UH, OH, NO." "THE LADY AND THE GENTLEMAN." "OH, MR. AND MRS. SMITH." "ROOM "A," UPSTAIRS." "THANK YOU." "IT SAYS "RED APPLE INN."" "I GUESS YOU KNEW THAT." "SURE." "I WORK HERE." "I'M THE STARTER." "HERE?" "FUNNY PLACE TO START ANYTHING." "NOT HERE." "OUT FRONT." "THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" "IF A PARTY COMES HERE" "AND WANTS ME TO STAND IN FRONT OF THAT DOOR" "TO SEE THAT NOBODY GETS IN OR NOBODY GETS OUT," "THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS." "NOW BEAT IT." "ALL RIGHT." "I'LL GO." "EXCUSE ME." "WILL YOU COME IN, PLEASE?" "ME?" "HERE'S YOUR ROOM HERE." "LET'S GO IN AND ICE A COUPLE BEFORE THE GIRLS SHOW UP." "AND AFTER THEY SHOW UP, TOO." "A DRAGON." "OH, HOW " "OH!" "OH!" "IT'S A DRAGON!" "YEAH!" "HE SNAPPED AT ME!" "EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" "HEY, YOU GUYS, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?" "!" "EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" "IT'S A DRAGON!" "AND I TELL YOU, I SAW A DRAGON." "YEAH, AND THERE WAS SMOKE COMING OUT OF HIS EYES." "SURE, SURE." "YOU SAW A DRAGON." "IT ISN'T ALWAYS EASY TO WORK OUT A SENSIBLE SOLUTION" "OF A GREAT LABOR PROBLEM LIKE OURS IN PUBLIC." "A LOT OF MAD MEN ON BOTH SIDES PERHAPS SPOIL EVERYTHING." "THEY MAY ONLY REPRESENT A VERY SMALL MINORITY," "BUT THEY'RE ALWAYS THE LOUDEST." "AND SO THEY'RE LIKELY TO MAKE SO MUCH NOISE..." "I GOT ANOTHER TRAY OF DISHES HERE!" "NEVER MIND YOUR DISHES!" "I GOT TWO STEAK DINNERS FOR PARLOR "B"!" "YES, BUT LISTEN." "HOW ABOUT THIS?" "PARAGRAPH 3, CLAUSE 5" ""IN THE EVENT OF STRIKE BEING CALLED, THE PARTIES... "" "WELL, THAT DOESN'T MEAN A THING." "MAY NOT BE VERY IMPORTANT," "BUT IT CERTAINLY PUTS THE LABOR ORGANIZATION" "IN POSITION OF BEING OUTSIDE THE LAW" "IF A STRIKE IS CALLED WHILE A GOVERNMENT BOARD IS SITTING." "WHY, IT PREVENTS ANY KIND OF PEACEFUL..." "HELLO." "IT'S A SMALL WORLD, ISN'T IT?" "WHY, YOU " "WELL, IT WON'T BE DIFFICULT TO GET THIS INTO LEGAL FORM." "I TELL YOU, THERE'S NO ONE HERE." "NOW, WHY" " WHY" " SHOULD A DAME GO TOURING IN A DUMBWAITER?" "BUT I TELL YOU, I SAW IT." "AH, NONSENSE, TONY." "YOU TALK TOO MUCH." "NONSENSE." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?" "!" "WHERE AM I?" "COME ON." "THE DAME IS NUTS." "I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING." "REALLY, I CAN." "YES, WELL, YOU EXPLAIN IT TO THE JUDGE." "JUDGE?" "YOU TELL THAT PARTY THEIR DINNER'S GONNA BE" "JUST A LITTLE BIT LATE." "OKAY, NOW, COME ON." "PLEASE, COME." "NOW, IF YOU THINK TREATING PEOPLE LIKE THIS" "IS GONNA MAKE THEM COME BACK, YOU'RE MISTAKEN." "COME ON, MISS." "WE JUST HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE." "A CRAZY WOMAN - SHE'S BEEN HANGING AROUND HERE" "FOR A HALF-HOUR." "WHAT'S THAT?" "THE HEAD WAITER TOOK CARE OF HER." "I THINK I'LL SEE ABOUT THIS CRAZY WOMAN." "COME ALONG NOW." "WE DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE WITH YOU." "NO!" "LET ME GO!" "GOOD EVENING." "OH." "GOOD EVENING." "I HOPE YOU DIDN'T HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING US." "OH, NO, NO." "NOT AT ALL." "I JUST FOLLOWED MY NOSE, AND THERE I WAS." "THIS LADY - IS SHE A FRIEND OF YOURS?" "OH, YES, INDEED." "WE'VE BEEN SEEING A LOT OF EACH OTHER THESE DAYS." "COME ALONG, MY DEAR." "BUT WE JUST FOUND HER IN THE DUMBWAITER." "HOW CLEVER OF YOU." "IT'S A GAME WE PLAY." "LAST TIME I VISITED HER, I CAME IN THROUGH THE CHIMNEY." "IT'S A FRIEND OF MINE." "ALLOW ME TO PRESENT AN ENTERPRISING REPORTER" "FROM THE GLOBE-LEADER." "MR. TALBOT, MR. SINCLAIR." "HOW DO YOU DO?" "ALL RIGHT." "I'LL CALL YOU BACK." "HE'S LOST HIS CUSTOMER." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "LOST HIS CUSTOMER"?" "WELL, THIS DAME FOLLOWS" "THE SINCLAIRS INTO THE RED APPLE INN," "SAYING SHE'LL BE RIGHT OUT." "BUT SHE DON'T COME OUT," "SO JOE GETS SUSPICIOUS AND PHONES ME." "I THINK I BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND." "SO I SAID I'D ASK YOU, MR. HARRISON, AND I'M ASKING..." "I WANT A CAR." "COME ON." "HURRY UP." "ALL RIGHT, SIR." "RIGHT HERE." "THIS IS THE, UH, GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE." "I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD OF IT." "WHAT'D GEORGE WASHINGTON HAVE TO DO WITH THIS BRIDGE?" "NOTHING." "THEY JUST NAMED IT AFTER HIM." "WHY?" "WELL, WHY NOT?" "!" "LOCUST VALLEY - NO LOCUSTS." "GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE - NO GEORGE WASHINGTON." "THANK YOU." "GOOD EVENING." "GOOD EVENING." "THREE, PLEASE." "THIS WAY, PLEASE." "I'LL GET YOU A WAITER RIGHT AWAY." "THANK YOU." "IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, MR. MORLEY," "WE DIDN'T COME HERE TO EAT OR DRINK." "THIS IS AS GOOD A PLACE AS ANY TO FIGURE THINGS OUT." "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?" "I'D LIKE TO SEE MARTHA." "I KNOW, BUT WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT?" "OH, IF I HAVE TO." "THIS IS THE RED APPLE INN, ISN'T IT?" "YES, MADAME." "THEN BRING ME A RED APPLE." "I DARE YOU." "YES, MADAME." "WHAT'LL YOU HAVE TO DRINK, TED?" "WELL, I MIGHT HAVE A" " NO DRINKS, WAITER." "NO, MADAME." "MRS. SINCLAIR, I THINK I NEED A HANDKERCHIEF," "SO IF YOU'LL JUST UNTIE MY HANDS..." "NO." "MOTHER WILL HOLD THE HANDKERCHIEF FOR YOU." "WHAT A LOVELY COMPACT." "I HOPE MR. TALBOT WON'T DRAW THE WRONG CONCLUSIONS FROM THIS," "ABOUT WHAT A POOR WORKING GIRL CAN BUY" "ON HER NEWSPAPER SALARY." "IT WAS A GIFT." "OH." "WAS THIS A GIFT, TOO?" "I..." "FOUND THAT." "HOW LUCKY TO HAVE FOUND ONE" "WITH THE SAME INITIALS AS THE OTHER." "MISS MARTHA ALDRICH," "FROM GARFINKEL'S ELITE SPECIALTY SHOP" "IN LOWER PLATTE, NEBRASKA." "WHY, YOU'RE THE NEW OWNER OF THE GLOBE-LEADER, AREN'T YOU?" "A MARTHA ALDRICH FROM SOMEWHERE IN NEBRASKA" "INHERITED THE GLOBE-LEADER WHEN MR. HOBSON DIED." "POOR LITTLE WORKING GIRL." "FIRED FROM THE GLOBE-LEADER" "BECAUSE MR. MORLEY DIDN'T APPROVE OF WOMEN REPORTERS." "YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND." "WE'VE GOT TO FIND OUT WHERE MARTHA IS AND THE SINCLAIRS." "NOW, THE QUESTION IS, WHERE?" "THEY'RE NOT IN THIS ROOM, SO " "I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THEY WEREN'T IN THIS ROOM." "THE HEAD WAITER JUST TOLD ME THEY HAVE SOME PRIVATE ROOMS UPSTAIRS." "NOW, MAYBE THEY'RE IN ONE OF THOSE ROOMS." "PROBABLY CUTTING MARTHA UP IN LITTLE PIECES." "IF IT WERE YOU THEY WERE CUTTING IN LITTLE PIECES," "I WOULDN'T RAISE A FINGER." "TED, YOU WAIT HERE." "LET ME GO WITH YOU, CHIEF." "I'M GOING WITH YOU, TOO." "WE CAN'T ALL GO, MRS. ATHERTON." "AM I TO SIT HERE AND BE INSULTED BY ALL THE DRUNKS IN THE STATE?" "NO, THANK YOU." "YOU BOTH WAIT HERE." "IF I FIND OUT ANYTHING, I'LL COME BACK AND LET YOU KNOW." "NOW, JUST SIT TIGHT, MRS. ATHERTON." "YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME HOW TO SIT." "I WAS SITTING LONG BEFORE YOU WERE." "HMM." "MR. MORLEY GAVE ME A CHANCE TO SHOW WHAT I COULD DO," "AND I FELL DOWN ON IT." "I'VE GOT TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING T" " TO MAKE UP FOR IT." "HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN MR. MORLEY?" "ONLY A WEEK, BUT IT'S LONG ENOUGH TO..." "GO ON, MY DEAR." "ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM?" "YES." "IS HE IN LOVE WITH YOU?" "WELL, I DON'T KNOW." "SOMETIMES I THINK HE IS." "IT'S A VERY PRETTY STORY, MY DEAR." "BUT IT'S TRUE, EVERY WORD OF IT." "YOU KNOW, I THINK THE GREATEST FAVOR WE COULD DO THIS YOUNG WOMAN" "IS TO GIVE OUR STORY TO THE CHRONICLE AS SOON AS WE HAVE IT READY." "YOU MEAN THE CHRONICLE AND NO ONE ELSE?" "NO ONE ELSE, PARTICULARLY NOT THE GLOBE-LEADER." "BUT YOU CAN'T DO THAT." "I THINK WE CAN DO PRETTY MUCH AS WE WANT TO." "YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET A VERY VALUABLE LESSON, MY CHILD." "YOU'RE STARTING TO PUBLISH A PAPER IN NEW YORK." "THIS OUGHT TO TEACH YOU THE VALUE OF BEING ON THE LEVEL." "BESIDES, THE CHRONICLE EMPLOYS WOMEN REPORTERS." "THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOU VERY HAPPY, MISS ALDRICH." "ARE THESE, UH, ALL THE ROOMS YOU HAVE?" "NO, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE AROUND THE CORNER." "OH." "BUT YOU CAN'T SEE IT NOW." "IT'S BEING USED." "REGULAR PATRONS?" "NO, A MR. AND MRS. SMITH AND A MR. BROWN." "AT LEAST, THOSE ARE THE NAMES THEY SAID," "AND THOSE ARE THE NAMES WE GO BY." "TWO COUPLES, EH?" "NO, TWO GENTS AND A LADY." "BUT ANOTHER GIRL SHOWED UP A LITTLE WHILE AGO." "CUTE, TOO." "SAY, THAT SOUNDS INTERESTING." "MAYBE I KNOW THEM." "HEY." "THEY WANT THEIR PRIVACY," "JUST THE SAME AS YOU WOULD IF YOU COME HERE." "OF COURSE." "OF COURSE." "NATURALLY." "THIS IS TO REMEMBER ME BY IF I SEE YOU AGAIN." "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "WELL?" "WHERE?" "SHE'S UPSTAIRS IN A ROOM" "WITH THE SINCLAIRS AND A STRANGE MAN." "SOME MAN?" "CAN'T FIGURE THAT OUT MYSELF." "WHAT'S SO SURPRISING ABOUT MARTHA BEING WITH A MAN?" "IF YOU ASK ME, I SHOULD THINK IT'D BE A WELCOME CHANGE" "FROM THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS." "COME." "LET'S GO GET HER." "IT'S NOT THAT EASY." "IT'S JUST THAT EASY!" "COME ALONG!" "YOU'RE APT TO GUM THE WHOLE THING." "I AM APT TO GET MARTHA AWAY FROM THOSE BRIGANDS." "THAT'S WHAT I'M APT TO DO." "COME ALONG." "WHICH WAY?" "UP THESE STAIRS?" "JUST A MINUTE." "LISTEN, OLD MAN, I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU," "BUT, UH, WE KNOW THOSE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS." "THEY'RE OLD FRIENDS OF OURS," "AND, UH, WE THOUGHT WE'D LIKE TO SURPRISE THEM." "AS A MATTER OF FACT, THAT'S WHY WE CAME OUT HERE." "WELL, I DON'T KNOW." "I, UM..." "JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT." "IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT." "WELL, IT'S A LITTLE IRREGULAR, BUT I, UH..." "YOU DON'T THINK I'D TAKE MY GRANDMOTHER" "INTO SOMETHING THAT WASN'T ABSOLUTELY ON THE LEVEL, DO YOU?" "BUT ABOUT THIS, I DIDN'T SEE YOU GO UP THERE." "OH, OF COURSE NOT." "WHY DID YOU TELL THAT FELLOW I WAS YOUR GRANDMOTHER?" "OH, COME ON." "COME ON." "OH, STARTER, WE'LL BE LEAVING SHORTLY." "WILL YOU GET MY CAR AND BRING IT AROUND TO THE FRONT DOOR," "PLEASE?" "YES, SIR." "OH, SINCLAIR?" "COME HERE A MINUTE." "YOU'VE GOT A GUN?" "A GUN?" "NO." "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN NEW YORK?" "ABOUT 20 YEARS." "WHY?" "I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK." "I'M SMARTER THAN YOU ARE." "I DON'T LIVE IN NEW YORK WITHOUT CARRYING A GUN." "GIVE THAT TO ME." "ALL RIGHT." "THAT'S THE ROOM." "YOU MURDERERS." "MARTHA, DARLING, ARE YOU KILLED?" "OH, MR. MORLEY." "I SUPPOSE THERE'S SOME EXPLANATION FOR THIS INTRUSION?" "I'M MORE INTERESTED IN THE EXPLANATION FOR THIS" "AND THIS CONFERENCE." "ISN'T THAT A PISTOL YOU'RE CARRYING?" "THAT'S A PISTOL, ALL RIGHT." "IT'S MINE, BUT IT ISN'T LOADED." "JUST EXACTLY WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, MR. MORLEY?" "IT MEANS THAT I'M GOING TO RUN A STORY TOMORROW MORNING " "THEY'RE PLANNING ON GIVING THE WHOLE STORY" "EXCLUSIVELY TO THE CHRONICLE." "OH, NO." "YOU'RE GOING TO RELEASE YOUR LITTLE STORY" "TO THE GLOBE-LEADER AND NOBODY ELSE." "WE RAN IT DOWN." "IT'S OURS." "NOT A CHANCE, MR. MORLEY." "IT'S AN EXCLUSIVE STORY," "AND I'M GOING TO PRINT IT EXCLUSIVELY." "AND I SAY YOU'RE NOT." "COME ON, LET'S LEAVE HERE." "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE HERE" "UNTIL THE LAST EDITION OF EVERY NEW YORK MORNING PAPER" "HAS GONE TO PRESS." "ALLOWING A LITTLE TIME, UH, JUST TO MAKE SURE," "THAT WILL BE ABOUT, UH, 6:00 IN THE MORNING." "I THINK YOU KNOW, MR. MORLEY," "THAT I USED TO BE AN IRON PUDDLER IN PITTSBURGH." "I WANT TO BE SENSIBLE ABOUT THIS THING," "BUT IF YOU FORCE ME TO VIOLENCE, I'M APT TO BREAK YOUR NECK!" "OH, LIKE THE OLD WEST." "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BREAK MY NECK" "TO GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT STORY." "YEAH, FINE." "BREAK HIS, TOO." "ALL RIGHT, YOU INSISTED ON IT." "WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?" "THIS MAN HAS NO BUSINESS HERE!" "OH, YES, I HAVE." "OH, I GET IT." "HEY!" "NICE WORK THERE, OLD FELLA!" "NICE WORK!" "COME ON, LET'S GET SOME STUFF AND TIE HIS ARMS UP." "THERE." "GOODBYE, MISS ALDRICH." "MRS. SINCLAIR - IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US," "WE MUST HAVE SOME TIME TO FINISH OUR STATEMENTS." "WE'VE HAD SO MANY INTERRUPTIONS, HAVEN'T WE?" "WHERE AM I?" "IN THE NEVER NEVER LAND." "NOW, LISTEN, MR. MORLEY, "ROUGHHOUSE" ROBERT HERE" "IS GOING TO SEE TO IT THAT NONE OF YOU LEAVE THIS ROOM" "BEFORE 6:00 IN THE MORNING." "THAT'S THE HOUR YOU SAID WAS SAFE, ISN'T IT?" "AND IT'S NOT GOING TO DO YOU ANY GOOD TO YELL," "BECAUSE ROBERT'S GONNA BE RIGHT OUTSIDE THAT DOOR." "HE'D BE THE FIRST ONE TO HEAR YOU CALL." "IF YOU WANT ANYTHING, JUST RING." "WE'LL BE IN THE NEXT ROOM." "I WARN YOU, MR. SINCLAIR " "HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH WARNING?" "EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT, MR. MORLEY." "TOMORROW YOU CAN COPY THE NEWS OUT OF THE CHRONICLE" "AND PRINT IT IN THE GLOBE-LEADER DAY AFTER TOMORROW." "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM WHO YOU WERE?" "I DIDN'T TELL THEM WHO I WAS." "WHAT DID THEY DO - READ TEA LEAVES?" "HE'S GOT THAT SAME SARCASTIC SARCASM YOU HAVE, MARTHA." "I GUESS ALL CRAZY PEOPLE HAVE." "MRS. SINCLAIR OPENED MY HANDBAG." "OH, RUINED BY A HANDBAG." "NOW, THAT'S SILLY, MARTHA." "OF COURSE, I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL." "IF YOU THROW YOURSELF ON THE FLOOR, MR. MORLEY," "OPEN THAT HANDBAG AND TAKE OUT THAT BROKEN MIRROR," "YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO SAW THESE BONDS, AND WE COULD ESCAPE." "SAY, THAT'S AN IDEA." "LIKE "THE PERILS OF PAULINE."" "OH, KEEP STILL." "I DON'T KNOW I LIKE THE IDEA OF A MANIAC" "WITH A PIECE OF BROKEN MIRROR IN HIS HAND." "HERE." "CUT THESE THINGS OFF MY WRIST, QUICK." "COME ON." "WHY NOT ME FIRST?" "I'VE GOT TO GET TO A PHONE." "YOU HANDED THIS EXCLUSIVE STORY TO THE CHRONICLE," "AND THE LEAST I CAN DO IS SEE THAT WE PUBLISH IT, TOO." "COME ON HERE NOW." "YOU'RE GIVING UP, HUH?" "WELL, I'M NOT." "HERE, AUNT LOU." "YOU DO IT." "GET THEM OFF ME!" "BE QUIET!" "COME HERE." "GET HELP AT ONCE." "MY NIECE IS DYING." "DYING?" "SHE'S BEEN POISONED." "THAT AIN'T VERY SMART." "I DIDN'T DO IT, YOU FOOL." "SUICIDE, HUH?" "WILL YOU SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP HER AT ONCE?" "GOOD SHOT, AUNT LOU!" "IT WAS EASY WITH A HEAD LIKE THAT FOR A TARGET." "I OUGHT TO HIT MR. MORLEY ONE, JUST FOR LUCK." "COME ON." "COME ON." "WHAT DO WE DO?" "I HAVE AN IDEA." "NAIL POLISH?" "THIS IS NO TIME FOR A MANICURE." "I KNOW." "SO LONG, HEADLINE HUNTER." "YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE US HERE?" "YOU CAN'T DO THAT." "I'M GOING TO STOP THE SINCLAIRS AND MR. TALBOT" "FROM PRINTING THAT STORY IN THE CHRONICLE," "AND I'M GOING TO SEE THAT THE GLOBE-LEADER GETS IT." "YOU OUGHT TO BE OUT OF HERE BY ABOUT 6:00." "MISS ALDRICH, MARTHA..." "YES?" "YOU'VE CONVINCED ME." "I GIVE UP." "WON'T YOU LET ME HELP YOU?" "PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU AS AN ASSISTANT." "IT'S THE MILLENNIUM." "THERE SHOULD BE THUNDER." "WELL, I HAVE A VERY DEFINITE PLAN." "YOU COULD HELP." "ANYBODY THAT WAS ON THE LEVEL COULD." "I'M ON THE LEVEL." "BELIEVE ME, I AM." "ONLY WHEN YOU'RE LAYING FLAT." "YOU DO BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU, MARTHA?" "I BELIEVE YOU." "WHY, WHERE'S THE STARTER?" "SO LONG AS THEY'RE IN THERE, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?" "AFTER ALL, THE POOR MAN HAS BEEN ON HIS FEET" "FOR TWO HOURS." "THAT'S RIGHT." "HE HAS." "WAIT A MINUTE, GENTLEMEN." "PLEASE WAIT." "ARE YOU THE BOSS HERE?" "NO, I'M NOT." "WHERE IS HE?" "WHY, I " "WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "WHERE'S PRIVATE ROOM "C"?" "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW FOR?" "WE JUST HAD A CALL DOWN AT THE HOSPITAL." "THERE'S A CASE OF SMALLPOX IN ROOM "C" HERE." "OH, YOU'RE CRAZY." "WHERE'S ROOM "C"?" "WELL, I-I-I " "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "THERE'S PROBABLY JUST A CASE OF SMALLPOX UPSTAIRS." "THAT'S WHAT'S THE MATTER." "UNTIL WE MAKE SURE, NO ONE LEAVES THIS PLACE." "SHOW US WHERE IT IS, BUDDY." "WE CAN'T TELL THEM WHO WE ARE." "I'M AFRAID YOU'RE RIGHT." "WHAT'S THE MATTER, LADY?" "WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?" "THOSE SPOTS ON YOUR FACE." "PROBABLY SMALLPOX." "SMALLPOX?" "!" "SMALLPOX HAS ALWAYS BEEN HEREDITARY IN MY FAMILY." "THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO KNOW." "OH, MY GOODNESS!" "QUIET!" "QUIET!" "NOW, LISTEN." "NOBODY LEAVES HERE." "THAT'S RIGHT." "NO ONE LEAVES HERE UNTIL FURTHER ORDERS." "YES, BUT - BUT WE'VE GOT TO LEAVE." "YOU CAN'T LEAVE HERE." "THIS PLACE HAS BEEN QUARANTINED." "QUARANTINED?" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, QUARANTINED?" "I MEAN QUARANTINED." "AND IF IT'S WHAT I THINK IT IS," "NONE OF YOU ARE GONNA GET OUT OF HERE FOR 10 DAYS." "BUT MY WIFE THINKS I'VE GONE TO THE FIGHT." "I'VE GOT TO BE HOME BY 12:00!" "THEN TELL HER YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND AND WENT TO THE SIX-DAY BICYCLE RACES." "I DON'T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO GET ANYBODY." "THE LINE'S DEAD." "AND THE CHRONICLE HASN'T GOT IT, THANKS TO ME." "THANKS TO YOU." "AND MY IDEA THAT THE HOSPITAL WOULD QUARANTINE THE PLACE" "WHEN THEY FOUND AUNT LOU WITH SMALLPOX" "WAS SOUND, WASN'T IT?" "OH, VERY SOUND." "SO, MAYBE A WOMAN REPORTER DOES MAKE SENSE, HUH?" "YOU'RE MARVELOUS." "OF COURSE, YOU HELPED A LOT, BUT I NEVER SAID" "THAT WOMEN WERE THE ONLY SEX WITH INTELLIGENCE." "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" "HUH?" "OH, YES." "OF COURSE." "YOU'D BETTER PHONE AND MAKE SURE THEY LET AUNT LOU GO." "IT WON'T BE NECESSARY TO PHONE ABOUT AUNT LOU." "SHE'LL BE HERE IN EXACTLY 3/4 OF AN HOUR." "MY BOYS HAVE THEIR INSTRUCTIONS." "YOUR BOYS?" "WHEN YOU TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR LITTLE PLAN," "I REALIZED IMMEDIATELY THAT NO DOCTOR WOULD BE FOOLED BY IT." "SMALLPOX APPLIED TO THE FACE WITH LIP ROUGE " "NAIL POLISH." "NAIL POLISH." "MY DEAR MISS ALDRICH." "SO, I DIDN'T PHONE THE HOSPITAL." "I CALLED THE PAPER." "AND THE DOCTORS THAT QUARANTINED THE PLACE" "WERE DOCTORS SPUD O'LEARY AND FOOTSY CALLAHAN," "EMINENT SPECIALISTS FROM OUR CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT." "OF COURSE, IT WAS YOUR IDEA." "I JUST, UH" " I JUST CHANGED THE EXECUTION A LITTLE." "THAT'S ALL." "VERY CLEVER OF YOU, I'M SURE." "SO, IF YOU ASK ME, IT PROVES THAT YOU WERE RIGHT." "BUT IT PROVES MORE THAN THAT." "WE'RE A TEAM, MY DEAR MISS ALDRICH." "WE WERE MEANT TO BE A TEAM." "BACK IN NEBRASKA, WHEN WE SAY, "TEAM," WE MEAN HORSES." "OOH, RATHER AN UNFORTUNATE CHOICE OF WORDS, PERHAPS." "WHAT I DO MEAN, THOUGH, IS " "LAW AND ORDER IN THIS COUNTRY AIN'T THE WAY IT USED TO BE." "YEAH, I HEARD THAT STORY BEFORE." "DON'T BE GIVING ME " "WHY, WHAT ON EARTH?" "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "THIS DAME CLAIMS SHE'S THE AUNT OF THE WOMAN" "THAT OWNS THIS PAPER." "I ONLY TOLD HIM THAT BECAUSE I HAD TO." "I'M NOT PROUD OF IT." "WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?" "LISTEN, A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO," "I GET CALLED TO THE RED APPLE INN IN FORT LEE." "UH-HUH." "SOME KIND OF A PRACTICAL JOKE " "FAKE QUARANTINE OR SOMETHING." "ALL OF A SUDDEN, IN POPS THE DUCHESS" "AND KNOCKS TWO GUYS COLD WITH A WHISKY BOTTLE." "I DID NOT." "IT WAS A GINGER-ALE BOTTLE." "CAN EITHER ONE OF YOU TWO IDENTIFY HER?" "WELL, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE." "WE'D LIKE TO HEAR A LITTLE MORE ABOUT THIS." "YOU SAY THE OLD DAME PRETENDS SHE'S THE OWNER'S AUNT?" "YEAH." "THIS IS THE OWNER." "YES." "SHE'S NUTS, IF YOU ASK ME." "JUST ONE MOMENT." "THINGS ARE STARTING TO BECOME VERY CLEAR TO ME PARTICULARLY," "SINCE THE ONE THING IN NEW YORK YOU CAN COUNT ON" "IS THAT NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS TO BE." "FORT LEE" " NO FORT." "LOCUST VALLEY" " NO LOCUSTS." "AND YOU CLAIM TO BE A POLICEMAN!" "BUT CHANCES ARE" "YOU'RE THIS IDIOT'S UNCLE OR AN INTERIOR DECORATOR!" "AUNT LOU!" "AUNT LOU, DON'T!" "DON'T TELL ME " "AUNT LOU?" "THEN SHE IS YOUR AUNT!" "NOW, OFFICER, IT'S ALL RIGHT." "JUST TAKE IT EASY." "MR. MORLEY, YOU MUST DO SOMETHING!" "ALL RIGHT, I'M A MAN OF ACTION." "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" "WELL, I " "I WARNED YOU." "HE PROBABLY HAS A WIFE AND THREE CHILDREN SOMEWHERE." "OH." "AUNT LOU..." "ISN'T HE WONDERFUL?" "OH." "OH, YES." "BLESS YOU, MY CHILDREN." "MAYBE I'M NUTS." "NOW YOU'RE TALKING." "THE FIRST HONEST MAN I'VE MET SINCE I LEFT LOWER PLATTE."