"[elevator bell dings]" "please!" "Can you hold the door?" "[clears throat]" "I assumed the elevator was empty because I nearly snapped my arm in half." " I don't get the whole holding the door thing." "It rewards lateness. wait up"?" "if getting to another floor of a building was a competition." "Not a good analogy." " I didn't mean to start a whole conversation here." "because you're used to people just shutting up after you say rude things to them?" " Do I know you from somewhere?" " Yes." "I was in the news." "I was the woman who climaxed during her TSA pat down." "that's not it." "uh... [clicks tongue] sir?" "I know where it is." "we did a couple rotations in residency." "you always made us sing that dumb version of "Happy Birthday." " "You look like a monkey and you smell like one too"?" "and it's hilarious." "hysterical." "So what are you doing in the building anyway?" " Today happens to be my first day at my new job." "you work here?" "God." "I was going first." "[music]" " Christmastime in New York City any one of which can spiral into an ongoing fight about whether I should keep working or stay home and have more children. these gingerbread men are so good." "this is the best crotch I've ever tasted." "I don't know how I'm going to eat this many." "but I shouldn't." "they'd help you finish them." "I thought we could just go one day without talking about this." " What?" "I'm just saying more kids would help us finish the cookies." "so just make less cookies." "I love this." "I love this one." " My favorite part is how those "Peanuts" kids seemed like they turned out fine and they're probably out working. and he's bald and he has no friends." "he's doing fine raising himself." " I'm getting a glass of wine and you can just watch it by yourself." " And don't even get me started on Pig-Pen." "[baby cooing]" " "And then the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come said money's not the most important thing." "Leo?" "Scrooge was obsessed with his money putting his work above his family." "if Tiny Tim's mother had worked maybe her son wouldn't have a sad-ass limp." " I didn't say anything about 12 kids." "12 kids?" "okay?" "A couple of kids." "but who's gonna take care of these kids?" " Don't give me that." "what do I do with this lamb I found?" "toss him?" " Just put him in the manger close to Jesus." " Okay." "I really like this." "Jesus was born in a barn and then he grew up to be the most popular tattoo for Latino men." " It's so nice and snug." "One barn for the whole family." " Yeah." "Mary doesn't still own her apartment in the West Village." "if Mary had an apartment then she probably wouldn't be a virgin." " What are you holding on to that apartment for?" "Are you trying to leave?" "but no one will meet my price." "$10 million?" ""Celebrity buyers only?" "nobody's gonna buy that." " You know what?" "no. come here." "I'm sorry. and I don't want to do it." "We should be happy." "We have a lot to celebrate." "you're right." " Okay?" " Yeah." "that's weird." " What's weird?" "I used to love that shirt." "Whatever happened to it? and then I gave it to Morgan." "that's not what's weird." "What's weird is that we're smiling in this picture but we hated each other back then." "we did." "Remember the time you reported me to hospital HR?" "because you told a patient" "I was quote "roly poly."" " It was worth it." " You don't think I'm so roly-poly anymore." " No." " I just don't get it." "Why are we smiling here?" " I don't know." "my first day at a new job." "So much potential everywhere I look." "Who will be my new work crush?" "Who will be my chatty confidante?" "Who will be the mentor who inspires me to greatness?" " Could I see everyone..." "Uh... [clears throat]" "Pardon my muffin." "Could I see everyone for a quick meeting in the conference room?" "Dr. Lahiri." " You did very good for your first..." "I like to keep the seat next to me empty so it's easy for me to get away." "at least I know now who my workplace nemesis is." "Okay." " I hope you all had a very nice weekend." "I sure did." "Cheryl and I finally finished our jigsaw puzzle." " Vermont Covered Bridge?" " Vermont Covered Bridge." " I knew you two would have fun with that one." " Thank you for that." " You're welcome." "I'm so glad you enjoyed it." " And I also very much would like to thank Jeremy." "He got St. Brendan's to feature us in their hospital newsletter." "in a newsletter." "Bravo." "I can be pretty persuasive." " He means sex." " Whoa. and I've been working on your annual gingerbread house." " My favorite surprise of the year." "this year's structure is a New York landmark..." " Landmark." " With two statues in the front..." " Statues." " And I ain't lying." " The New York Public Library." "that's it." " He was supposed to guess." " I'm sorry." "It was just a very obvious clue." " I didn't think it was that obvious." "I'll scrap it." "Nevermind." "I'll just start over." "I don't know where I'm gonna get gumdrops this late in the game." "could you stop glaring at me?" "Just do the Flatiron Building or something." " That's the one I was gonna do!" "I was gonna do the Flatiron Building." "That's twice you did that to me." "I think that pretty much wraps up this meeting." "I have an announcement." "fine." "Okay." " Thank you." " Yeah." " Thank you." " Now everybody can give announcements?" " Entertainment." "everyone." "My name is Dr. Mindy Lahiri and this is not only my first day at work it's also the beginning of a new chapter in my life." "I was basically gonna kill myself." "Yeah. - [gasps]" " I had just been dumped on the first day but I think it was a sign from the universe that I needed a fresh start." " There are no signs from the universe." "Just the will of our living Christ." "same diff. it's called Ashley Madison." " Ashley Madison?" "I got to start working here with all of you great people." "Can you imagine? becoming a doctor?" "in conclusion..." " Thank the Lord. and I think I can speak for all of us when I say that you're pretty lucky to come along for the ride." "that's me." "Hi." " Yeah." " Can I talk to you in your office right now?" "you too." "Danny." "Do you need some more time off to work things out with your wife?" " No." " You could use our cabin." "The skunk died." "guys." "We're going to The Rockettes this week." "why'd you hire this woman?" " I have to admit that maybe I hired Dr. Lahiri... by accident?" " What?" "How? and I thought I was reading the resume of another doctor." "Do you know Mandy Lahoro?" " [groans]" " The resemblance is striking." " We could've hired Mandy?" "Mandy Lahoro?" "He's great." "He's from Sudan." "Put himself through school acting in "The Lion King." "no." "We hired Dr. Lahiri." "that's that." " [sighs] We'll just have to fire her." "the days in which you could fire a young woman of color for no reason are long gone." "At least three years." "she could quit." "if she hated it here... and found it to be an uncomfortable place to work." " You are describing a hostile work environment." " Exactly." "One of those." "I think you're really gonna love your new office." "Here it is." "It's all yours." " My office is a storage room?" "fart room." "It's got a bunch of different names." " Is there even a chair?" "there's a bunch of boxes." "You could sit on one of those." "maybe you could help me move some of these boxes?" "I can't." "I got..." "I got a ton of patients." "I meant to ask you:" "how exactly do I get patients?" "give me a couple of theirs? you'll be fine. you're not so bad." "Uh... help!" "This website is pretty interesting." "Cute doctor makes big splash on her first day." "[laughs]" "Jeremy." "did you come in here to fart?" "actually." "I know first days can be pretty tense so if there's anything I can do um... relax." "no one has shown me an ounce of kindness." "er." "I'm sorry I can't. but I shouldn't get in a relationship at work." "let me know if you change your mind." "I'm literally always ready." "It's a medical condition." "thank you for telling me that." "Right now the only DTF I am is down to find patients." "well just pop your bio online on the hospital website." "though." "I'm surprised Danny didn't tell you that." "he didn't tell me anything." "Son of a bitch." "Dr. "Castel-lameo"..." "I'm just gonna use his computer." "the decor in here sucks." "It's like a principal's office in a porno." "[clears throat]" "OB-GYN seeking new patients." "If you want a skilled physician with an encyclopedic knowledge of reality television"..." "I don't want to have this conversation." "How many times are we gonna have it?" "okay?" "I just need Jeremy to cover my C-section." "and I can't find my glasses." "you're not coming?" "Well it can't be couples' therapy if one of us isn't there." "I'll be screaming at an empty chair." "empathizing." "where are my..." "Have you seen my glasses anywhere at home?" "What? I need you to come." "Please." "I'm begging you." "I need you to be there." "Please." "I'll see you there." "[glass crunches]" " I think I found your glasses." "very sorry. and you know what?" "I think I fixed them." " Just get out." "okay?" "Why don't you let me do the delivery and then you can go to therapy." " Dr. C's in therapy?" "What a loser." " You want my delivery?" "I wouldn't let you deliver a sandwich." "of course you shouldn't." "I'd be terrible at delivering a sandwich. but I am a good doctor." "I would rather have any other doctor on earth do it." "charming guy like you is having marriage problems." "I'd be thanking my lucky stars." "Excuse me." "Dr. C's really losing it." "[sneaky music]" "♪ ♪" " [clears throat] [computer chimes] can you cover a C-section for me tonight?" "Mrs. Ramsey?" "Something important came up." "not me." "mate." "brilliant idea." "[clears throat] [gibberish in British accent] being cheeky 'cause I'm a bit knackered." "Chumbawumba?" " Uh." "I will cover your patient." "isn't that new Indian doctor cool?" "had to try." "Yes." "[sighs]" "Now I just have to get rid of Jeremy." "[dings]" "Jeremy?" "There you are. and now I am into it." " The work trip to "Wicked"?" "I bought a whole block of tickets" "I hate "Wicked." "Backstories are stupid." "We don't always need to know how everybody met each other." "about the other thing we talked about in my office." "yeah." "Yeah." "a daiquiri bar." " What the hell's going on here?" "no." "my stuff came?" " Is that a dresser?" " It's an armoire." "It's French for "expensive closet for a chic woman's clothing." "right now it's French for it's in everyone's way." "it's actually neither." "right?" "it's bigger than my closet at home." "what?" "and a belt?" " And a black t-shirt." "part of my professional identity is dressing in a way that is appealing only to women. not that any of you noticed." "sweetheart." "Get rid of it." "you think it's so hard to storm off?" "watch this." "[upbeat music]" "♪ ♪" "Okay." "Mrs. Ramsay." "hello." " Hi." " I will be covering for Dr. Castellano." " I hope everything's okay. his aunt stabbed him for being a jerk." "please don't worry." "and people actually thought and more funny. has his umbilical cord is also a complication." "that's why Dr. Castellano has me scheduled for a C-section." " But she's really nervous about going under." "I actually do know a technique that would allow you to give birth naturally." "It's called a "somersault technique." "Um..." "Oh. [clears throat] Aah!" "Stop choking me with my favorite scarf!" "Get this off me!" - [chuckles]" " So the trick is actually to pull the umbilical cord down over his shoulders and a gymnast." " What do you think?" "if you think that that's best." " I do." "I think I can do this." " You're sure?" " I'm sure." "I know I can do this." " Okay." "cool." "[upbeat music] [elevator bell dings]" "is Dr. Reed still in the OR?" " Dr. Reed?" " Mrs. Ramsay." "The C-section with the nuchal cord complications?" "that delivery is done." " Delivery?" "It's a C-section." " Dr. Lahiri delivered that baby an hour ago." " Dr. Lahiri?" "Are you out of your mind?" "Did you impersonate Dr. Reed and do my surgery for me?" "how did your therapy session go?" "Did Christina show up?" " No." "man." " She didn't." "I'm standing there like an idiot." "I've just... you know what?" "okay?" "Don't change the subject." "What you did was a total violation." "[vacuum whirring] I have never in my career..." "Doris?" "just shut the vacuum off?" "you're killing me with the vacuum and I'm trying to have a conversation." "Can you turn it off?" "[vacuum turns off] Thank you." "Can you give us a second?" " [scoffs] you don't have to talk to Doris like that." "15 minutes. and changed a birthing plan without authorization." "Now I'm gonna get you fired." "stop." "come back in here." "okay?" "just keep your voice down." "I get it." "but I swear to you" "I'm a good doctor." "right?" "Dr. Shulman wanted Mandy Lahoro but he mixed up the names." " Mandy Lahoro?" " Yeah." " The one that sat next to Laura Bush at the State of the Union?" " That's the one." " He's amazing." " But we ended up with you. and we will laugh as colleagues." "we're not colleagues." "Mindy." "it was not my fault that I was hired as a mistake." "I treated your patient like a queen. 'cause you know there's finally a doctor here who's as good as you." "Or better." "you can't fire me because I fire you." "I quit." "[door opens]" "[knock on door] so sorry okay? that woman has been terminated." " What?" "We love Dr. Lahiri." " I was so happy she was able to deliver our son without doing a C-section." "what about the nuchal cord?" "she did the somersault technique." " She did the somersault technique?" "and when it came time to push she's like "Get out my belly!" "Like Fat Bastard from "Austin Powers." " It's our favorite movie." "yeah baby." " I love comedy movies." "I love 'em." " I am so grateful that you found somebody to deliver my baby the way I wanted." "well I'm happy you're happy." "and we are so sorry that your aunt stabbed you." " What?" "little office. but I thought we would spend a lifetime together." "Now I guess you can go back to being the fart room." "who am I kidding?" "you were the fart room more than ever." "God!" "stalker?" "I could've been naked." " The door was open." "Why would you be naked at work?" "all right?" "I'm just saying good-bye to my office." "I'll be out of here as soon as I can." " I talked to Mrs. Ramsay." "She was really happy." "doy. you can wrestle a baby right out of that if you have meaty enough hands." "Which I do." "I'm sorry about what I said." "I think you might actually be better than the guy we were meant to hire." " Thanks." " Yeah." " And I'm sorry that I said" "I know why your wife can't stand you." " You never said that." " I didn't?" " No." "I thought it." " I understand." "Hey..." "I think you should stay." "thanks." "thanks?" "I'm saying I'm not having you fired for your extremely fireable offense." "You could stay and have the job of your dreams." "Danny." "You're a very rude man." "And the culture in this office you know?" "I need to be friends with people I work with." "I want happy hour and Secret Santas." " I could maybe be like that." "you couldn't. stay and make them different." " It's not worth it." "I'll just go on welfare." "It's easier." "now hold on." "and don't ever let anyone try to stop you from doing what you want." "Not even me." "Danny." " You know what we should do?" "You see this stupid armoire?" " Yes. take it as a sign from the universe..." "Your favorite thing." "where'd you get those glasses?" " I bought it to replace the ones you stepped on." "I think they're very cool." "And the color really pops on your face." " They... that's cool." " Thank you." "All right." "44 inches." " Cool." " Write it down." "yeah." "Okay." "Um..." " Put a W next to it." " Which stands for?" " Width." " Yes." "put an H." " For height." " There you go." "but it fits." "I'll stay." " Good." " I don't know." " It's called caddy corner." " It's a square room." "It's making me nervous." "All right." "my God." "This looks amazing." "My patients are gonna drop their panties." " I don't know if I like that imagery." "for their exams." "great." "Well let's finish it up tomorrow." "hold on." "I want to commemorate this." " What are you doing?" " It's called a "selfer." "It's gonna be huge." " Okay." "right?" "of course I know how to smile." " Put your arm around me." " Okay." " Like that." "Just like that." "[Sam Smith's "Stay With Me" plays]" "♪ ♪" "I'm not good at a one-night stand ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ These nights never seem to go to plan ♪" "♪ ♪ will you hold my hand?" "♪ won't you stay with me?" "♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ 'Cause you're all I need ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ This ain't love ♪" "♪ It's clear to see ♪ stay with me ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ Why am I so emotional?" "♪" " [crying] gain some self control ♪" "♪ ♪" "I know this never works ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt ♪ won't you stay with me?" "♪" "♪ 'Cause you're all I need ♪ it's clear to see ♪" "stay with me ♪ won't you stay with me?" "♪" "♪ Cause you're all I need ♪ it's clear to see ♪" "stay with me ♪" "[Wham!" "'s "Last Christmas" plays]" "♪ ♪" "I gave you my heart ♪ you gave it away ♪ to save me from tears ♪" "♪ I'll give it to someone special ♪" "I gave you my heart ♪ you gave it away ♪" "to save me from tears ♪"