"(upbeat march plays)" "♪ Good morning, USA!" "♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪" "♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪" "♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪" "♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say" "♪ Good morning, USA" "Aah!" "♪ Good morning, USA!" "(laughter)" "I don't believe this." "How could they put me at the kids' table?" "I'm 14." "I'm Batman." "No, you're not!" "(sighs) I'm too old for this." "I don't want to be around all these babies playing Pokémon... badly." "This kid right here is just wasting his Charizard." "You are wasting your Charizard!" "Gentlemen, just in time for the annual hunting trip," "I've purchased an RV, and I love it." "It's like driving a terrible little house." "Hunting trip?" "That sounds awesome!" "Steve, that trip, like this table, is for men only." "Yeah, kid." "So make like Pete Weber in the tenth frame of the 2007 Pro Bowling championships and split." "(laughter)" "("Da, Da, Da" by Trio playing over radio)" "♪ Da, da, da" "I love taking the old '93 Mercury Sable out for a little joyride." "Letting her stretch her legs." "Oh, oh, odometer's about to turn over to all zeros." "That might be interesting to see." "Ooh, check out this girl." "Just drifting along." "What an interesting look she has." "I'm so interested in things today." "And well, I'll just say it:" "I'm behaving very interestingly." "♪" "♪ Da, da, da" "♪ Da, da, da... (sighs)" "Well, that's over." "Oh, damn it!" "Y-You following my daughter?" "Screw you, buddy!" "Get out of here, you pervert!" "Your weird daughter made me miss the zeros!" "She made me miss the thing!" "You freako!" "I don't know what you're talking about!" "Get back in your house!" "Get back in your damn house!" "TV ANNOUNCER:" "Next on Guy Who Gets Laid A Lot, the guy spends the night alone." "Aw..." "ANNOUNCER:" "Psyche!" "He totally gets laid." "Oh, they got me." "They got me again." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what is this?" "A brief PowerPoint presentation about why I should go on that CIA hunting trip." "No, I told you, it's for men." "Exactly, and as you can see," "I've gone through multiple rites of passage, any of which should qualify me for this manhood you speak of." "What?" "!" "PowerPoint?" "!" "Why does it keep going back?" "I don't even want these transitions." "It's too busy." "Look, Steve, you couldn't cut it on this hunting trip." "It's for rough and ready men, and you're a boy." "Then how do I become a man?" "Simple-- you have to hunt and kill an animal." "Well, how am I supposed to do that if you won't let me on the hunting trip?" "That's a catch-22." "Joseph Heller's absurdist novel?" "Whoa, stop right there." "You know I only read books I've already read." "She's a beauty, sir." "You ever want to drive around with your poop, this is the vehicle." "(brakes hiss)" "Aah!" "Yay." "Steve's here." "A spare tire that doubles as a human boy?" "We live in wondrous times, Smith." "Damn it, Steve, I'm taking you home right now." "Nonsense." "We're here and I'm ready to hunt." "Now, let's set up camp." "Move!" "That!" "Bus!" "(light classical music playing)" "This is how we're camping?" "It's glamping, not camping." "Oh "glamping," huh, Smith?" "You refuse to use that word for six years, then suddenly your son shows up, and it's like you thought of it." "We've got an oxygen bar, a yoga studio, and a good but not amazing Thai restaurant, but it's pretty good." "What do you hunt with?" "The only gun I've seen is the one on the buffet." "Guns?" "Ha!" "Steve." "It's glunting, not hunting." "We use something a bit more sophisticated." "We use the Hunting Command Center." "Men, let's kill some animals." "(whirring, beeping)" "Movement detected in Sector K-7." "Coordinating satellite path." "Initiating laser." "Firing in three... two..." "Squirrel hunted." "(laughter)" "Squirrel down." "Deer!" "(screaming in fear)" "It's in the Command Center." "We're powerless!" "That gun is meant to be decorative." "It's a conversation piece." "Smile, you son of a bitch." "You're smiling." "You son of a bitch." "(button clicks)" "It's learning." "Kill it now!" "Steve, this is your man moment." "Steve, you miss... (deer groaning)" "What?" "(shrieks)" "My boy is dead." "Long live my man." "Hey, they put out éclairs."