"I KNOW YOU, MASKED LADY!" "Good Morning." " Shh!" " Coffee?" "Dear, the theater is more than you can handle." "How's it going?" "It's a bitch, we've been rehearsing for 2 weeks without getting a dime." "Go to bed early, get your head clear, and maybe you'll perform better." "Again." "Campese, again." "Even if we have to do the scene 100 times over." "It's boiling hot." " Thank you." "It takes much more acting." " She's pretty, but it's not enough." "You could do it yourself." " Ladies, hush, please!" "Campese, go on!" " "We kissed.."" ""From morning to night."" " From night to morning. - "Morning to night."" ""My passion explodes."" ""I want to live with you.." "Only with you"" ""Amid the lovely scent of flowers."" " Among.." ""And the two of us holding each other tight"" ""from night to morning, till morning to night."" "Enough." "No, it's no good." "No good!" "It needs passion, fire!" "These are words of lava from a volcano!" "It is woman unleashed!" "Let's hear it again." "Move." ""My passion explodes!" "I want to live with you!" "Only with you!"" ""Amid the scent of lovely flowers.." Damn, what's that?" "My medication." " Fine. "And the two of us holding each other tight"" ""from night to morning, till morning to night."" "Got it?" "Again." ""My passion explodes."" ""I want to live with you." "Only with you!"" ""Amid the lovely scent of flowers."" ""And the two of us holding each other tight"" "Grab him!" "Grab him then!" " But I can't!" "I know!" " The lead actor in these conditions!" "What "lead"?" "If your coworker has a toothache, you must be considerate." "It's you who don't know how to act!" "You're probably capable of other things, but believe me, Cavaliere Bonifazi, you'll never act!" "The theater isn't a showcase to show off, it's a vocation." "Bravo!" "He's right." " Give me the part." "Don't insult me so!" " Gemma!" "Watch this." "Master." "I've done everything I could, and the proof is this:" "for the part I wrote your name:" "Elisa De Laurenzi." "But I've a reputation to defend." "You'll take a minor role!" "I won't do anything!" " What?" " I'm leaving!" "You and your pack of beggars!" "I don't stoop to insults." " Excuse me." "Carmine!" " Master, I'm going to show you now." "Carmine!" "Where is my butler?" "In the room with the extras." "Butler!" "Carmine!" "Carmine!" " Miss!" "At your service!" "Here I am, Miss!" "At your service." "What's up, what is it, Miss?" "My hat and muff." " Here, I also have your earrings." "What happened?" " Let's go away, let's leave these beggars!" "You're right, they're all beggars!" "What did he say?" "Watch what you say!" " Carmine, don't get involved with these people!" "Yeah, you're right!" "They're just comedians, theater people!" "You should kiss the ground where she walks.." "Damn beggars!" "Charlatans, yeah!" "Excuse me, but you were right." "They're not worthy of you." "But we have to find another contract or how else will we eat?" "They can't all be blind in this country!" " No, they can't, but it looks that way." "We haven't paid the rent for three months." "There's always a procession of creditors at home!" "We don't eat meatballs anymore.." " Enough, this isn't the time!" "That's true, but we need to talk..." "Where's Francesco?" " He's always goofing off." "I'll fire him." " You can't, you owe him 3 months wages." "He may have gone to the bar." "He drinks to forget." "Let me go see." "What are you looking at?" "Let's go." " I'm coming." "Carriage ready for the miss!" " She's waiting, hurry!" "Here we go." "To the palace?" " Yes, but first the Crocodile Pharmacy." "The Crocodile Pharmacy!" "More verses!" "Let go!" "You think the owner's paying you to write poems?" "The heart cannot be controlled." " Slacker!" ""This singing heart trickling drop by drop, blood, tears, pain will perish among chamomile, gentian and ipe.."" "Ipecacuanha." " Ipecac..." "What is this stuff?" "The voice of the soul." " You write while making recipes!" "You'll kill someone!" "You can't understand, Mr. Luigi, you've never loved." "This is not your business." "Anyway, I'm getting married soon." "Congratulations." "Congratulations on the 20,000 lire dowry." "Money!" "How vulgar!" "You don't know the ideal." " And you do?" " No, but I wait for it." "When I sleep on that jump seat during night shifts, that you always make me do," "I dream, and I see a heavenly creature who comes closer and closer.." "Shut up, there's people!" "Good day." " Good day, Miss." "How may I help you?" " I'd like a pomade." "The "Sultan's Pomade"." "I don't know it." " I was told you have it." "The Sultan's Pomade?" "What is it for?" " For a velvety soft skin." "I could give you the "1000 Roses" cream." "No, I tried it, it irritates me." "But the Sultan's pomade.." " Yes, the Sultan's pomade..?" "Go away!" "Go away!" " Excuse me." "I could look for some." " No matter, if you find any, set aside some for me." "De Laurenzi, Piazza Santa Rosa 6." " OK." "I care a great deal about the softness of my skin." " You don't say!" "Good day." " I'll show you out." "What a beautiful woman!" " The ideal!" "What?" "What are you doing here?" " I'm soaking in inspiration." "Watch out, I can't stand you anymore!" "No more!" " Calm down." "Let's go." "Coming, Miss!" "It's cold!" "It's a New Year's party." " It may be a chance for a nice encounter." "It's an expensive place!" "A bottle of sparkling wine costs 5 lire!" "We must find a way." " I lit a nice candle to St. Gennaro, you never know." "He's never brought us luck!" " Don't speak ill of St. Gennaro.." "MASKED BALL" "Are you tired?" "Want to rest?" " Tired?" "No, I'm just warm." "Baron, would you order dinner?" "We're coming." " Yes." "May I have the honor, Miss?" "May I, Baron?" " Oh, yes." "Yes, go dance with my friend." "Goodbye, masked lady!" "Bye, masked lady!" "Baron, we're having fun, eh?" " I do what I can, what I can." "Don't forget the champagne, first class!" " Already done." "And oysters?" " Of course!" "But you already know, you do as usual." "That little devil has such eyes and teeth when she smiles, that she'd drive a saint crazy." " And the Baron is no saint." "Not yet." " How is your aunt?" "She seems to be better." " I'm sorry." "I ordered, my beauty!" "Hurry!" " I have such an appetite!" "Good, then we can sit right down to eat." "Shouldn't you take off your mask?" " No!" "First you." "Then let's eat like this." " OK." "Bravo!" "All of them!" "All!" "Here we go!" "Here, pretty girl." " Like this, I'll become the queen of the party!" "A unknown queen." "And if what's under let you down?" " Impossible!" "How can you be sure?" " My instinct never fails." "Give it here." "There you go." "You're probably 20 years old at most." " And you?" "A little bit older." " Will you hold my cup?" "But tell me, tell me when." " What?" "When will you take off the mask." " Don't be impatient!" "Don't abandon me!" "Can I at least bring you upstairs?" " You're a nut!" "At least let me see that beautiful face!" "Wonderful!" "She took off her mask, she's wonderful!" "You saw her?" " No, it was dark, but I could tell she was wonderful." "Tomorrow we must track her down." "We know that she lives here in Piazza Santa Rosa." "Number.. 6!" " Yes, you have to find her." "It is absolutely imperative to find her!" "What is it?" " She forgot her purse." "She did it on purpose, because she had the key in her hand." " Let's open it." "So then.. "Elisa De Laurenzi."" " What a marvelous name!" "An actress!" " An actress?" " Yes, this is a script." "An actress!" "My specialty!" "Marcello, let me kiss you!" "Save it for her, Baron." " You're right!" "That's true!" " Let's go now..." "This cold..." "I caught it because of that damn stove at the theater." "Good Morning." " Who are you?" " Is the young lady in?" "Miss?" " Yes." " Miss sleeps at this hour." "Then I'll wait." "I have to give her something urgent." "I need to put it in her hands." "I'm a pharmacist." "Pharmacist?" " Yes." "Good." "Can you give me something for a cold?" "It's awful!" "You have a cold?" " Yes." "Come in the kitchen, I've a pot on the fire." "Enter." "It's some chocolate for Miss." "Right." "I need to ask you for a cold remedy." "At this fire she warms herself." "Here she breathes, here she walks.." "No!" "She never comes here, I'm always alone." "My cold is in the head." " Ah, yes, the cold." "So, you have a cold..." " Yes." "Good, and the symptoms?" " Headaches, and tonight I had a bad "fewer".." " Fever.." "Yes, a terrible fever." "And around 2, I bled a lot from my nose, a fountain" "I couldn't stop it." " Blood?" "This is important." "Are you married?" " No." "Well, it happens." "It often happens to me too." "How many days have you been sick?" " A few." "The beginning phase has passed though, this is the period of gravitation." " Ah!" "That's right." "Your cold is gravitating through your body." " Gravity?" "You must be careful!" "It can become bronchitis, pneumonia, pleurisy, consumption, tuberculosis.." " The plague, cholera..." "What's all this!" "Let's see." "The tongue?" "It's really ugly." " How come?" " Dunno." "The pulse?" "No, no, my dear!" "Beware of microbes." "Mamma Mia!" " It's terrible!" "One.." " One." "Two.." "Three.." "Four!" " It only came now!" "It didn't come earlier!" "You're weak." " I know." "With a cold you must fortify yourself." "Eat!" "Eat!" "Eat!" "I like meatballs." " Eat them!" "Who's preventing you?" "If the cold isn't taken care of, it lasts seven days." "if it is, it lasts a week." " Thanks, you're very kind." "Lucky you!" " Lucky me, like this?" "Lucky you, you get to see her go in, go out, walk, talk.." "Who?" " Miss." "Beautiful, eh?" "The most beautiful woman who ever entered the Crocodile pharmacy." "Are you in love?" " I'm annihilated." "Are you the owner of the pharmacy?" " Unfortunately, just the clerk." "The clerk?" "Then change your mind, forget it." "Is that her?" " No." "It's the door." "The procession begins." "Please stir the chocolate, I'll go open it." "Me?" "Stir her chocolate?" "Me?" " Yeah, yeah!" "For Miss on behalf of Baron Mellifluo." "Who?" " Baron Liborio Mellifluo." "But, is he a person that has.." "Well, he always gives me a good tip." "Did he give you one this time?" " No." " Ah, he didn't..." "Of course, a tip.." "I'll give you later." "Go." "What's up, at this hour?" " Miss, the candle of St. Gennaro!" "The chocolate.." " Forget that!" "Have it later." "Now there are more urgent things." "A millionaire baron sent these flowers and this purse." "See what's inside." "I'm dying to know what's in this purse." "Sorry if I don't take off my cap, but I've a cold." "In the growth period..." "It's my part!" " The part?" " Yes." "Ah, the part in the play!" " Yes." "And a letter." "What does it say?" ""Dear Elisa, luck is as blindfolded as you were last night at the ball."" ""I saw your name so I send you the purse which you forgot in my car and a small token.."" " A check?" "A token! "A modest token of my great admiration."" ""Tonight go to the Eden Theater, at box seat 18." "I'll be across from it."" ""My eyes will anxiously await a sign that you are pleased."" ""After the third number, place a rose on the box sill, a symbol of love."" ""Your very burning, Baron Liborio Mellifluo."" "What do you think?" "Minimum 5,000 lire." "At minimum." "It's blatant!" "It's as clear as day!" "My dear Miss, last night Gemma went to the ball." "And that witch pretended to be me!" "No, sorry, Miss, but you didn't understand anything." "Instead, I have it all figured out." "The witch lost her purse on purpose, to be tracked down by the millionaire." " She's a snake!" "But St. Gennaro, what did he do?" "On the script they took away from you, there's your name." "I don't want this purse." "Give it back to her!" "Of course!" "We don't need her purse." "We don't want anything from anyone." "I'll bring back the script too." " Yes." " But not the bracelet, of course." "Maybe, in a few days, we'll have to pawn it." "And this evening who goes to the theater to place a rose?" " Miss." "The chocolate is ready." "Sweet and hot." "Bravo, you've done well." "You even brought it in." "Then serve it." "Meanwhile, I need to go out." "If the doorbell rings, open the door." "Because waiter, servant, coach driver, butler, they're all out." " Yes." "Forgive me.. if I dare." "Here's the chocolate." " But who are you?" "I'm the clerk of the Crocodile Pharmacy." "I brought you a cream superior to the Sultan lotion." "Really?" " Yes." "I made it last night with my own hands, thinking of you." "Only of you." "And it works?" "It's wonderful." "You are a pharmacist, then you can do rubs, naturally." "Today I must be beautiful." " Oh, certainly!" "Well then?" " But... me?" " Yes." "Oh, if you allow me.." "But first you must read the components of the mixture." ""I love you."" " Yes." "Have you composed this?" " I myself." "It is the most vivid expression of my feeling." "Remove the tray." "Yes." "Come on, take heart." " Yes." "Then..." "Let's put it to work." "Wasn't there anything else?" "A note?" " No, I'm sorry, there was nothing." "A bum found it on the street and brought it to us because it had our name on the part." "I knew right away that it wasn't ours, because we use finer purses." "Of course!" " Eh, yes, yes." "I gave 10 soldi as a tip to that poor man." "And I brought it with the best wishes of the Miss, for the part that you'll play." "And no hard feelings, none whatsoever, because we retreat from the scene." "OK, thank you." "You can go." "I gave 10 soldi to that poor man." "Here's 10 for the poor man, and 5 for you." "OK." "What velvet.." "How delicious!" "What perfume!" "I..." "I hope you were satisfied." "I believe that the skin.." " Yes, thanks." "Carmine, pay him." " Oh, no need!" "It's a tribute, I cannot accept." " Then I'm obliged to you." "And if I need you, I'll call you." " Yes." "Thank you, good morning." " Good morning." "What a woman!" "My ideal!" "Elisa.." "I'm sorry but we can't go on like this." " Please, no preaching." "Not this morning!" "Right!" "I'll preach to you, and how!" "We have a millionaire at hand, and you're kissing a pharmacist, who's not even the owner, but a clerk!" "He was so cute, he kissed so well!" "All beggars kiss well." "Listen, Miss, we need to forget the pharmacist." "We'll forget then." " Think of us, of important things." "For example, who will bring you to the theater tonight?" " No one." "A rose is all I need." "Yeah, with just a rose!" "You must present yourself as serious, respectable." "The more you're respectable, the more you're appreciated." "Tonight you must be accompanied." " By whom?" "A father, a brother, an uncle, a serious family member." " Oh, yes?" "Where do I find one?" "You know I'm alone." "Yeah, you're an orphan." "But there's me!" "Waiter, cook, administrator, and moralist." "And now even uncle!" "Even uncle, why not?" " And you want to be my uncle dressed like that?" "What shall I wear?" " Wait." "There's my riding jacket and my hat." "Yes." "Yes, yes, yes." " You'll be an impeccable uncle!" "Miss, don't make fun of me." "I'm already hazy on my own." "Stay still!" "Still!" "Still!" "It was a difficult tooth." "Did you suffer?" "You suffered, but now it's over." "How many teeth did you pull?" " Just one." "My jaw is on fire!" " It's nothing." "They'll bring water, lemon juice and salt and it'll soon pass." "Here, Dad." " Good." "You put the salt?" " Yes, Dad." "Drink, drink." "A little water and lemon and it'll pass." "And tonight, you'll be able to act." "No, no." "We're not acting yet, we're still in rehearsal." "What are you doing there?" "Go." " Yes, Dad." "Excuse me." "How do you feel?" " Bad!" "Bad!" "Bad!" "What are you doing there?" "Just look at you!" "What were you doing?" " Nothing, Mama." "There's a stage actor." " A fine thing!" "A stage actor!" "Remember you're engaged." " With a pharmacist I don't like." "I like him and so will you." "What is he doing, Mama?" " Spitting." "Here's the tooth." "2 lire." "I already told you we don't get paid during rehearsals." "But I can repay you." "I have free tickets for any theater." "Go away." " Just take your pick, you won't have to spend a penny." "Here's for a family boxseat for the play." " And then?" "Maybe you prefer the opera?" "Or maybe vaudeville?" " With beautiful women?" " Magnificent." "Without clothes?" " Uh.." "Just one seat, my family doesn't go to the theater." "Under these conditions, I'll remove all the teeth you want." "Remember: water, lemon juice and salt!" "Good day." " Good day." "Thanks." "I was just passing by." "I came to tell you not to come to our house tonight." " Why?" "Because my husband has a meeting." "So, Maruzza and I will be alone at home." "Too bad!" "I always wait for the evening for my allowed half-hour with Maruzza!" "Oh, well, maybe tomorrow then." " Yes." "Give Maruzza a kiss for me." " She thinks of you everyday, only you!" "My compliments, Donna Concetta." " Thank you." "My respect, Donna Concetta!" "May I help you, Sir?" " Are you the owner of the pharmacy?" "I might as well be, I do everything." " No, you do nothing!" " No?" " No." "Your clerk, the one with the mustache, has been disrespectful to my niece!" " Oh!" " Yes!" " Oh!" "A pure girl, immaculate like a pearl!" "She's still crying!" " What are you saying?" "Keep an eye on that guy or I'll come back here and smash everything!" "For heaven's sake.." " Smash the whole pharmacy!" "Don't laugh!" "There's nothing funny!" "I'm a captain!" " Yes.." " A captain!" "My respect, Captain!" "Celestino!" "Where were you this morning?" " This morning.." "What did you do this morning?" " I'm sorry, but.." "From now on, you're fired!" "Leave the pharmacy!" "Tonight you won't sleep in the back room, but at the Grand Hotel!" "You third rate Don Juan!" "Get out!" " I'll wait for the boss." "Concerning you, the boss gave me carte blanche." "Go." "Get my umbrella, I've a meeting at the pharmacopoeia." " Right away." "Give me patience!" "By the way, it looks like it's going to be stormy." "We'll be indoors, not in the middle of the street." " Yeah, indoors." "You put on a tailcoat to go to the pharmacopoeia?" "Naturally, there'll be gentlemen there." "I don't want to look like a beggar." "Ah, right, right." "How I envy you!" "Here, peaceful and blessed in the domestic serenity, and instead me, after a long day of work.. pharmacopoeia." "My dear!" "Dear, dear, dear!" "You play solitaire." "Oh, it's late!" "It's late!" "Good evening, Dear." " Good evening." "Good evening, Maruzza." " Good evening, Dad." "Are you winning?" " Don't think so." "Keep at it!" "Keep at it!" "You must keep at it!" "Keep at it!" "Who is it?" " It's me, Celestino." "Damn you!" "What do you want?" " I didn't do anything bad!" " Don't come here anymore!" "I don't know where to sleep and it's going to rain." " Good!" "A little water will cool you off!" "You are heartless!" " Go to hell!" "I wanted to give back the gun I used for the night shift!" "Keep it!" "Blow your brains out with it." "Go away!" "Don't leave me in the street on a night like this!" "St. Barbara!" "There's a storm coming!" "A storm is coming!" "I never told the boss that you sell the bottles of liquor and bring them to your girlfriend's father, the dentist!" "Filthy bast..!" "Damn you!" "Damn you!" "Hands off me!" "Keep your hands off!" " Shut up!" "Everyone can hear you!" "They do?" " Fool!" "The bottles, the dentist, the girlfriend.." "Woe to you if you speak!" "If you knock one more time at my pharmacy," "I'll slap you from here to kingdom come!" "Your face will look like this!" "Like this!" "Damn you!" "Damn!" "Let the curse fall back on you!" "And the remorse." "It's over." "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "My instinct is never wrong!" "Wonderful, she's wonderful!" "Who is that man with her?" "Perhaps a relative." " Ah, this complicates things." "And she didn't put the rose on the sill!" "Be patient, she'll put it after the third number." "What's written in the telegram?" " I've already read 5 times." "Read it again." ""Aunt worsened, impending disaster."" "Which one of the two is he?" "Have no illusions:" "millionaires are never young." "But he's old!" " Doesn't matter." "I'm not putting the rose." " Don't start kidding now!" "It'll make a scandal." "Put the rose!" "Come on, come on!" "Every rose has its thorns." "The rose!" "She put the rose!" "She said yes!" " Calm down, don't overdo it." "How can I do, with that intruder right next to her?" "I have an idea." " What?" " Come with me." "Bravo, Marcello!" "Get rid of all the buggies!" "Please, spare no expense!" " Leave it to me." "Damn, not even one buggy!" "But the rain will soon stop!" "What are you saying?" "It mustn't stop!" " He's crazy?" " It's raining!" "He's not coming back!" "Where did he go?" "He's probably waiting outside." "Miss, it's better we go." "Slowly, without anyone noticing." "Everybody, I present an experiment of great dexterity." "I need to bother a lady or gentleman, for a ring or bracelet or something like that." "Anybody?" "Thank you, ma'am." "I put this bracelet in the hands of this man." "The tin is completely empty, I close it, and I hand it over to this lady." "Will it work?" " It always works, madam." "This time it won't work." " It will." "No, it won't work." "With me it has always failed." "It will." "Then I'll put the tin in the hands of this gentleman." "The bracelet I'll put into the hands of this lady." "It's raining!" "Carmine, where's my buggy?" "The square is empty, maybe there's a strike." " It's despicable." "Let me offer the young lady my coach." " I don't know.." "I am the Baron Liborio Mellifluo." "My uncle.." " Captain Protta." "A pleasure." " It's a pleasure - a baron, right?" " to meet a gentleman." "What's the matter, Captain?" "I have a terrible phlegm that revolves around my organism.." " Here you go, this is great for colds." " Oh, thanks." "Keep it in memory of me." " In memory of you.." "Here's my buggy." "One moment, Miss, it's raining too hard." "You'll get soaked through." "Who has an umbrella?" "An umbrella!" " An umbrella, please." "Very good!" "How much do you want?" "I'm not an umbrella vendor!" " 500 lire?" "1000 lire?" " Sold." "Here's the umbrella." "Will you open it?" " Of course." "One minute!" "Wait!" "You dainty feet may also get wet!" "Right!" " Sir, how much for your coat?" "Not my coat!" " 1000 lire?" "2000?" "3000 lire!" "It's yours!" " What a gentleman!" "Here you go!" " What a gentleman!" "After you, Miss." "After you, Baron." "Please, take cover." "Concetta, you're here!" " You have no coat?" "Yes." " And no umbrella?" " Yes." "This was the pharmacopoeia, eh?" " I didn't want to waste the ticket." "An indecent spectacle, I was disgusted!" " I'll deal with you later." "I will." "Let's go home." " How?" "It's raining!" "We will find a coach in the square." " We better." "What is it, Baron?" "Who is it?" "You won't open, will you?" "You won't.." "But tonight I don't need a door to get in!" "I will sleep on my jump seat anyway!" "It'll be you who'll run away, seeing my shadow!" "You'll run away scared, liquor thief!" "Thief!" "Go away, damn you!" " I'll go, but I'll be back!" "Thief!" "Thief liquor!" "Now, Concettina, rest here for a while at our son-in-law, while I try to find a coach." "And your coat, where is it?" " Ah, I made a deal." "And then.." "I'm not cold, it stopped raining." " Sure, it stopped.." "I'm coming!" " There he is, he's coming." "Ready!" "You'll never marry my daughter!" " It was a misunderstanding." "It was a slap!" "Let's go." "Damn you!" "Concettina, don't exaggerate!" "After a day's work, I'm entitled to a little leisure!" "Yeah, vaudeville!" " Where should I go?" "A convent?" "It's starting to rain again!" "Where did you put the umbrella?" "I made a deal." " Sir!" "You don't have an umbrella?" " No." "I give you mine." " Thank you kindly." "It's the clerk of the pharmacy." " I was the clerk." "I've been fired." "I believe it, he's drunk!" " Good evening!" "Sir!" "I give you also my coat." "What a nice person!" "A tribute to the lady." "What will you do without a coat?" " I don't need one." "I'll.." " Go away without a coat?" "When I go away, I won't feel it." " Really?" " Yes." "Good evening." " Sir!" "I give you also my money." "Six cents, my capital." "It's a tribute.. to the lady." "But I say.." " He's drunk, let's go." "Good evening!" " Good evening!" " Sir!" "Again!" " Look how I'm going to shoot myself!" "No!" "Stop!" "The gun!" "Are you crazy?" "Why do you want to kill yourself?" "Why do you want to die at your age?" " For two reasons, sir." "First, because of a woman, and then, because I was fired from the pharmacy." "Weep." "Poor thing, cry." "Let it out." " My friend!" "MY FRIEND!" " Easy, easy!" "It's an ugly thing to die by gunfire!" " You'll wake up the whole neighborhood." "You saved my life!" "Listen, go to sleep, tomorrow morning things will seem different." "How can I go to sleep?" "I don't have a home!" "I don't have a bed, sir!" "You can sleep at my house." " Are you crazy?" "A stranger in our house!" "We can't leave him in the street!" " He's drunk, bring him to the police." "In my house, I'm the master!" " And I'm the mistress!" "I'll shoot myself." " Stop!" "Tonight, you'll sleep at our house." "Tomorrow, we'll see." " Thank you, sir." "You'll ruin our house!" "Ruin it!" " Come on." "One moment!" "Si.." "Sir.." "If I don't have to die anymore.." "can you give me back my coat and umbrella?" "Take them." " They belong to me.." " Of course." "Excuse me, ma'am." " What should I do?" " Will you hold it for a moment?" "I have to hold it?" " She's nervous, the lady!" "Where's the umbrella?" " Here it is!" "Let's go!" "Sir.." "Sir, sorry." "Would you give me back those.." "those six cents?" " Here!" "You're crazy!" " Here's your six cents." "Let's go!" "Hey, listen, Concetta!" "Wait a minute!" "It's raining, Concetta!" "That's it." "Here I am." "You had to wait a bit, I'm sorry." " Sorry for the service, Baron." "Yes." "At this hour, all the servants are in bed." "The butler's asleep, he's got the keys, so I was only able to find this liqueur." "Please try it, it's genuine, home-made!" "You're welcome." "Very sweet." "Uncle!" "It's an old habit from the ship, you see, I gulp it down!" "Of course, you're a captain." "A maritime captain?" "Maritime captain.." "Let's just say I know the winds," "I know the storms, I have sailed all the seas." "Let's not talk about it." "You now want to know how she's my niece, right?" "I'll tell you:" "My brother, her father, good soul, was a person who traveled.." "what's the word.." "He was a navigator!" "A navigator and explorer." "A lot like you, Baron." "He had extraordinary charm, all the women buzzed around him." "My niece.." "I can say it, because we're among friends, came from a clandestine "meeting"" "between my brother and an oriental princess." "She was born under the burning sun of the Troficks." "That's why she has fire in her veins!" "Young man, come see what a view can be seen from this side." "There's a balcony.." "look out of it." "Look how beautiful." " I can't see anything." " Yes!" "Just look.. just look." "I knew you were lovely under that mask, but you're so much more than I imagined!" "Quiet, Uncle may hear." "For you I'd be capable of committing any rash deed!" "I too must confess that I've been thinking often of you." " Really?" "Then you like me a little?" " My uncle may hear us." "Speak indifferently." " Yes.." "Have you lived in this house very long?" "Actually.." " Not long, Baron." "Excuse me." "For a couple of months, but we don't like it here." "No, no, my "anise" and I have decided to "transform" ourselves into a hotel." "What? "Transform" into a hotel?" "We'll leave here and go to a hotel, eh?" "Ah!" "I understand, transfer yourselves." "Right." "How is it in your hotel?" " Divine!" "Indeed, I can see to it that you get the nicest suite, right next to mine." "Let's be clear, is it a respectable hotel?" "Suitable for my niece?" "I guarantee it!" "Marcello, tomorrow talk to the manager." " Alright, Baron." "Baron, I don't want to send you away, but my niece is tired, she needs to rest." "I don't want to send you away!" " You're right." "Let's go, Marcello." " Goodbye, Baron." "Uncle, show him out." " Of course." "This way." "After you." " Goodbye." "Goodbye." "After you." "Goodbye, Captain." " Thank you for the honor." "Captain." " Dear administrator." "Our respects to the Miss." "I'm crazy, I'm crazy, my Marcello!" "What a woman!" "What a woman!" "That woman like spring!" "She came into my life like spring!" "I feel the sun, the voice of the swallows!" "I see the almond trees.." " Careful!" " Thanks." "The almond trees in bloom!" "But she seems different than the lady from yesterday." " Naturally!" "Good evening." "Of course, she was different!" "She was dressed as Columbine!" "And we had too much to drink." "It was such luck that she left her purse in our carriage!" "The uncle, that captain, he's funny!" " But he's nice!" "Who's ringing in this way?" "What is it?" "Good evening, Captain." "Good evening." "What do we owe the honor of this visit at this hour?" "I want to see that snake, your mistress!" "Let me pass!" "Even snakes are asleep now." "Miss is resting." "Come tomorrow.." "I'll give you a Miss!" "There were people here!" "Stolen people!" " I don't know what you mean.." "Control your language, Miss!" " Now, we'll see!" " Wait!" "What is it?" "You didn't expect, Miss, to end the evening like this, eh?" "Ugly witch, aren't you ashamed?" "You returned my purse, but not my baron!" "Get out of our house or I'll call the police!" "The police wouldn't know who to arrest, Captain!" "Let her talk." "Only poison can come out of that mouth!" "Viper!" "It was me at the New Year's Ball!" "I danced all night with the Baron!" "He didn't recognize me because I never removed my mask!" "Good thing you didn't or else he would've ran away!" "Let go of me!" " And you stole my role!" "A little decorum, ladies!" "Ugly mangy bitch!" " Let go of me!" "Miss!" "Miss!" "Get off!" "You both stink!" "Where am I?" "The umbrella.." "the coat.." "Let me die!" "What is it?" "May I?" " Come in." "Morning." " Morning, help yourself." "Did you sleep well?" "Where am I?" " In Petroni the dentist's house." "Those are the cries of his clients." "I'm his daughter." "This is your breakfast." " Petroni the dentist." " Yes." "Yes, I remember, the coat, the umbrella." "That bastard Luigi." " He was my fiance." "Sorry." " But not any more." "Good, you did well not to marry him." "He's a jerk, I know him well." "He spoke only of your dowry." "He could never appreciate your truly beautiful eyes." "You here?" " Good morning, ma'am." "I came to bring breakfast." " Then what's the servant for?" "Papa told me to." " Papa doesn't know anything!" "Listen here, you don't even look at my daughter!" "Go to your room!" "Go." "Got it?" " Yes, ma'am, I'm just eating." "Fine." " Ma'am?" " What is it?" "I'm coming." "Donna Concetta!" " A minute." "My husband's alone?" "Yes, Ma'am." " Don't let any clients in." " Fine, Ma'am." "Donna Concetta, I would've never dared to raise my hand to my future father-in especially before the wedding!" "It was dark and I confused him with another!" "I understand, but you know my husband." "He doesn't even want to see you." "You need to talk to him under some pretext." "You know I'm on your side, eh?" "Because he really deserved that slap!" "And Maruzza?" " Maruzza?" "When she she heard about it she was very upset." "Poor thing!" " But now, she's calmed down." "But take heart!" "All will end well." "Now he's alone." "Go talk to him." "Talk to him man to man." " Donna Concetta, wish me luck." " Of course." "Good luck." "May I?" " Come in." "You!" "You're here!" " I came because of the slap." "It was just a slip of the hand." "I come to make reparations." "Should I cut off my hand?" "The slap was meant for someone else, who deserved it." "A poor young man, your victim!" "That you led on the edge of death!" "Who said so?" " Him." "The victim is me, he's lying!" " Now I'll clear this all up." "Celestino!" " At your service." " Come." "Don't be afraid, I'm here." "Because of you, my marriage to this distinguished gentleman's daughter is in jeopardy." "My heart bleeds!" "It bleeds because I want to marry her!" "Explain that the slap was for you." " The offense is still serious!" "I can forget the past, but on one condition." "When you let Celestino give you a slap, my daughter will be yours." "Wait!" "The humiliation is severe, but to show you how much I want your daughter.." "I'm ready." "Go on." "Excuse me." "Here, dear, here." "In the light." "Courage." " Come on, are you afraid of?" "Me?" "Afraid?" "Courage!" "Well, I.." "No!" " Come on, I need this slap." "Don't make a fuss." "Go on!" "I can't." "When I'm convinced you'll be a good husband for Miss Maruzza, we'll call witnesses, important people, and then I'll make up my mind." "In two months, three months, a year." "Don't know." "Bastard!" " Excuse me." "Miss, is the water is hot?" " Yes!" "Piping hot?" "Miss, don't be shy, if it isn't, I'll go straight to the manager!" "Here everything must be perfect!" "Come in!" "Well done, young man." "You're nice and fast, we'll be good friends." "Here." "Right on the table." "Let me see: prosciutto, eggs, olives.." "very good." "You forgot the onions." "In the morning I eat it because it's good for the blood." "Don't forget tomorrow, you may go." "Wait!" "You know the Baron Liborio Mellifluo?" "Yes, he's lived a long time in the hotel." "He's a great man." "They say he's a millionaire, is that true?" "He will be when his aunt dies." "When his aunt dies?" "His aunt must die." "Good." "And where is this aunt?" " In the country." "The Baron lives in a hotel, but he's in debt." "Him too?" "I mean.. he has debts." "Hear, hear!" "How old is this aunt?" " 96 or 97, and she's very ill." "Sick!" "96 or 97 years old, sick..." "That's all I wanted to know." "You may go." "For 20 years she's been on the brink of death." "But she must die!" "She can't live forever!" "She's 96 years old.." "Go, go." " We hope so." " Yes, we hope so." "Go." "You're not nice, my friend, not nice at all!" "Miss!" "Miss!" "Miss!" "What is it?" " We must be on guard, this is a critical time." "I just got some news that made the blood rush to my head!" "Listen to me:" "Don't drink, don't get carried away with the music, flowers." "One false step and all our hopes may be destroyed." "The Baron is in more trouble than us." " Let's leave then." "Let's wait a few weeks." "If the aunt dies, great." "If not, we're out of here." "It's important that the Baron never enters your room." "Only when he's in strict mourning, then you can open your arms." "Come in." "Baron, your aunt.." " Dead?" " Almost." ""Aunt dying, your presence urgent, impending disaster." I got two tickets." "A train leaves for Avellino in an hour, if we hurry we can catch it." "I'm not leaving." " Your presence is required." "I went many times and she never died." "This time, for good luck, I won't leave." "You will go by yourself." "You'll say I'm ill and in case of death, take care of all." "No expense spared for the funeral, but first make sure she's dead." "Then send me a telegram which will serve as a document for me." "Go, don't waste time, have a nice trip." " OK." "Begin to serve breakfast!" "You asked for me?" " No, for Baron Liborio Mellifuo." "He lives here." "I came to tell him the truth, the truth written in this note!" "Want to read it?" " Why do you want to do that?" "If you come to an agreement and keep quiet, you'll benefit too!" "You're a great artist of the theater, you're famous!" "Why run after an ugly baron who has an aunt that's a disaster?" "An aunt who never dies!" "Here comes the Baron." "Don't make a scandal, Miss!" "Please!" "Instead of a letter, I'll scream the truth!" " Don't ruin me!" " Let go of me!" "The carriage of the Baron is ready." "Excuse me, Baron?" "I think there's a misunderstanding." " Exactly, I've come to clear it up." "I'm the true Columbine." "So it was you!" "That's what I thought!" "The other one didn't remember that I whispered to you while dancing." "But I remember everything." "But.. at the Ball, you called "Baron" the old gentleman who panted." "We exchanged names to deceive you, we are at the carnival!" "May I put the suitcase in the car?" " Yes." "Leaving?" " A small pleasure trip." "Want to come with me?" "I've got two tickets." "But to leave so, I must bring something." " We'll stop at your place." "DENTIST OFFICE "Petroni, dentist." "Removes teeth, no pain."" "Good morning, captain!" "Did you give him a list of our debts?" " Since two days." "And him?" " He turned pale as I've never seen before." "He didn't pay them?" " No." "Carmine!" "I wonder what we're still doing here!" "Miss, we're waiting for the telegram at any moment." "It can't miss!" "You need to be patient." "He's so nice." "This is his gift, and then lunches and dinners, and for you flowers, flowers!" "All those flowers give me a headache!" "Excuse me, may I distribute these advertisements?" " Yes." " Thanks." "Come here." " Easy." " Come here." "You're still buzzing around?" "Mind you, Miss is now my "anise"!" "Niece?" " Anise!" " Niece." "Before I made you lose your job, now I'll make you lose your senses!" "I'm here to do my job." "I'm distributing advertisements." "I show them to everyone." " Don't show them." "Indeed, if you need a tooth pulled.." " Me?" " Yes." "I might be able to get you a good price." " I don't need anything!" "Don't forget teeth not only get pulled but fall out!" "Leave or I'll call the servants!" "Go!" "Beat it!" "He's a dear boy." " Miss, no sentimentality." "The Baron's waiting for us at the table." "We must eat, let's go." "Closer, closer." "And I here, close to her!" "Here they are!" "Venus!" "See Venus come!" " Thanks, Baron, you flatter us." "Flowers!" " All for you!" "Flowers!" "Flowers!" "Beautiful!" " Sit down." "I'm next to you." " No, I prefer over there." "You may serve." "Are you hungry?" " No, I'm not." "Even last night you had no appetite." "Indeed, this morning I was worried, and I allowed myself to come near to your door, but... in vain." "Baron, I'm sorry, we've granted you the suite nearby,.." "but not entering the room." "I must be on guard:" "my niece is young and beautiful." "You're mischievous and resourceful." "But you won't enter!" "Never!" "How's that, never?" " Depending on the news." "A telegram for the baron." "Excuse me." "She's dead?" "Oh!" "She's dead." ""Slight improvement, I won't leave her bedside." "Marcello."" "He's a good boy." "He won't leave her bed." "But I'll leave this table!" "I can't take it anymore." "I can't breathe with all these flowers" " Miss Elisa!" " Miss!" "Excuse me." "Don't forget I'm a professional, graduate in pharmacopoeia." "This giving out ads in public is something that humiliates me." "I was kicked out of a coffee house." "I don't know who gave you this idea, but we can't keep this up." "Find me something more decent, or kick me out." "No, not that." " Yes, that!" "Why don't you kick him out?" "I don't want any." "There's a girl in the house." "What will people think?" "None for me." " Me neither." " And I must feed him too!" "Who asked you to save my life?" "You could have let me die." "You're still in time." "Who's holding you?" " Mama!" "You, shut up!" " The girl is right, we couldn't leave him in that state." "You're responsible." "Take care of this quickly, because.." "because I want no parasites in my house." "Maruzza, come." "Dad, will you excuse me?" " Go, dear." "You must forgive her.." "she's a mother." "She's a mother." "A mother." "You know what it means to be a mother.." "Besides, she had a point, eh?" "You don't do anything!" " Nothing?" "I distributed 1,000 ads!" "Nonsense!" " I understand though." "Mrs. Concetta doesn't like me." "Too bad!" "You have taken away my gun, but your lab is full of poisons," "Your home is full of windows, we're on the top floor, with a penthouse." "For the love of God, in my house!" "Are you crazy?" "I hosted you for a few days, but now you must find a place to stay." "As if it were easy!" "No, no, no." "I'd rather die." "I don't want to fight anymore, I'll kill myself." " Stop it!" "Stop it!" " So everyone will be happy." " Stop it!" "I can keep you here a few more days, but I must find a way to justify your presence in my home." "What do you want me to do?" "Clean the floors?" "The glasses?" " Oh, no!" "What then?" "I got it." "I have an idea." "Rather, I had an idea." "I've always been on the lookout for a sharp, elegant young man." "Come here." "You'd have to act as an enthusiastic, satisfied client." "You'd have to pass through the rooms always crowded with clients." "You'd say, "That Petroni, what a genius!" "A genius!" "No one like him!"" ""I had no teeth, I couldn't eat." "Now look!"" ""All fake!" You'd say this especially to the ladies." "What a dentist!" "How divine, how divine!" "What a talented scientist!" "I can't stop praising him!" "I needed a cure, Sir." "Luckily, I found out about the great Petroni!" "You're telling me?" "I know him quite well." " All fake!" "All fake!" "Ma'am, I needed a cure." "Luckily I found out about Petroni!" "He's a celebrity!" "He's a great doctor, son.." "Son!" "Rude!" "He's a genius!" "There's no one like him!" "No one like him!" "What a dentist!" "What a genius!" "No one like him!" "No one like him!" "That's what I say!" "I needed a cure." "Luckily, I found out about Petroni!" "Kid, will you let me work?" "Luckily, I found out about Petroni!" "What celebrity!" "I couldn't eat without teeth!" "Now all are false!" "And they look real!" "Out of gratitude, I can't help shouting:" ""Viva Petroni, what a dentist!"" "What a genius!" "There's no one like him!" "No one!" "What a dentist!" "What a genius!" "There's no one like him!" "No one like him!" "What a beautiful thing!" " Knock it off!" "What do you want?" "Are you making fun of me?" "I need to eat." "Go to mommy!" "What a dentist!" "What a genius!" "There's no one like him!" "No one like him!" "What a dentist!" " Shut up, I gotta say it!" "Let's see!" "That roach!" "No one like him!" "No one like him!" "All false!" "All fal..." "You?" "But..." "Did you read my note or are you here for a tooth?" "I have to talk to you." "Come." "What a dentist!" "What a genius!" "There's no one like him!" "All false!" "Please sit." "What a joy!" "What a joy to see you." "What a joy!" "Please sit, we can talk here." "What's your name?" " Happy." "Happy?" " Happy to see you here." "Since that day, I've only thought of you." "I wanted to die for you." " You must live!" " How could I?" "I don't have a cent, a house, I'm unemployed." "But I'll marry you all the same." "Let's leave together." "I'll cover you in flowers!" "Flowers?" "No, I don't want any.." "Without.." " Why?" "Just a little youth." " Elisa." "Come in, please." " Thank you." "This is an ad we found in her room." "It says, "Dentist Petroni."" "Baron, you need to show all your authority!" "Captain, you know how much I feel about your niece." "That's the point!" "How much?" " You mean?" "Well, my "anise" feels that you're not interested, not really in love." " Me?" "How could she think so?" " Let's be clear:" "Always flowers, flowers, flowers!" "Flowers are beautiful, I like them very much." "When I can, I go to a field to look at all the veggies..." "I like them, but women need something else." "It's difficult to talk in this place of pain.." "Excuse me." "People are in pain, see that?" "The right molar." "And you?" " Wisdom tooth." "Excuse us, we're talking.." "It's difficult." " But, I don't know.." "More than I do now.." "I've no parents." "I had a troubled childhood, a sad life." "Oh, Elisa, I have great need of rest." " Oh, dear, dear." "Well?" "What a dentist!" "What a genius!" "There's no one like him!" "All fake!" "Who is this hussy?" " My fiancée." "Some fiancèe!" "I won't permit you to offend my future wife!" "Get out of here!" "Out!" "Go immediately!" "Go get married out of my house!" "Wait there, I'll go find my coat, because it's mine!" "And the umbrella too!" "Where's my coat?" " I don't know." "Did he hurt you?" " Not at all!" "Let me peek here." "Miss, you're behaving very badly." " A clue suggested that you were here." "I won't be followed or spied upon!" "Miss, my "anise", don't make a scandal.." " What "anise"!" "Stop with this comedy!" "You're my servant!" " When she's angry she calls me servant." "I see, I see, but when she's angry, I love her even more!" "Go to hell, I'm getting married!" "Captain.." "Baron, unless your aunt dies, there's nothing we can do." "Give me your hand." "She will die!" "AUNT DIED LAST NIGHT Funeral took place early this morning" "Already started notary practices" "The Baron Liborio Mellifluo announces the death of his beloved aunt.." "My condolences." " Thank you." "My condolences." " Young man." "Yes, hi." "Baron, my condolences." " Thank you." "You see my sorrow?" "I'm partaking, I put on a waistcoat." " Yes, yes." "But, she.." "She's not coming?" " Let's hope she will." "Have you told her I bought her an emerald necklace?" "Yes, Baron, but emeralds or rubies, I believe there's nothing we can do." "She's is in love with that guy, wants to leave with him." "Listen, captain, money can do anything." " I know." "Today, I have 100 million." " Lucky you!" "If that young man leaves Elisa, I'll give him an entire pharmacy!" "If you break up this marriage, I'll give you 100,000 lire." "100,000 lire?" " Yes!" " You'll give me that?" "Baron, I'll break up Europe!" "This one too." "We'll spend the honeymoon at Capri." "It's close." "Aren't you happy?" "I can't even take a paper boat." "But I have something." "Something I hid even from Carmine." "I can't accept." " What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine." "I have nothing." " You're young, you must have confidence in the future." "Come in." "Sir, you're wanted at the bar." " By whom?" " The captain." "I must go." " Send him away!" "Tell him we don't need him!" "Meanwhile I'll pack the suitcases." "I'll be right back." "Give me a drink." "I know, I see the regret in your eyes." "I'm not the Baron and you're sorry." "Not at all!" "What could I love about the Baron?" "His money!" "And you're managing it." "Well then, here's to the Baron's millions!" "Shall we go?" "Captain!" " Hello, hello." "You've called for me?" " Oh, yes." "I need to talk to you." "Something important." "Excuse me." "Another cup of this sparkling stuff." " Thanks but I'm fasting." "It's good even on an empty stomach." "Drink." " Thanks." "To your health!" "So you've decided to marry my niece?" " I have." "I know you're against it and against me." "No, let's say I didn't know it was so serious." "But seeing that my niece is happy, you're happy, why shouldn't I be happy too?" "Only that.." "As the honest man that I am..." "Don't forget that I'm a captain, eh?" "By the way, captain of what?" "Captain..." "This is not the time to explain how and why I'm a captain." "I captain that's all." " OK." " Therefore.." " Therefore?" "You have studied well my niece, in the smallest details, you've observed her?" "According to what I could." " Yeah." "She's a beautiful girl:" "healthy, strong, prosperous, cheerful, witty." "Poor creature!" "Poor unhappy thing!" "My "anise".." " Your niece?" "She's an artist." "Draws, plays the piano, speaks "fluid" French, an intelligent woman." "But.." " But.." "Speak up!" "Don't let it get out, it's a family secret." "My niece has a wooden leg." "A wooden leg?" "Is it possible?" " From birth." "Really?" " I mean since she was a little girl." "You never noticed?" " Never!" " Of course, she wears it well." "And then.." "Well, well.." " .. she's used to it." "These things have reached perfection, you know." "It's well made." "There are all these hinges.." "all.. all these balls.." "and all these wheels.. and rosewood." " Rosewood?" " Yes." "All shiny, I polish it every morning." " You?" " Yes, I prepare it..." "If you want to marry her..." "Eh, but..." " ... you do a good deed." "I understand, Captain, but.." "a wooden leg?" "This changes many things." "Two people... three legs..." "It's little." "It may be rosewood, may be hinged, but..." "It's little." "Everybody says so, after I make this fatal confession!" "But I'm committed." " But what committed?" "For you it's different, you are young, it was a small love in passing, like that..." "Write her a note, a few lines, and I'll try to comfort my niece." "You think that.." "with a few lines.." "Waiter, paper and pencil." "Baron, it's done!" "Prepare the jewel and 100,000 lire." " Bravo." "This is one of your tricks!" " No, Miss, I'm sorry, but.." " I know you." "Then, he's gone?" "He's gone, and poverty and hunger too!" "There are other arguments, here..." "Emeralds." " I don't want to look at them!" "The woman who wears this necklace will make all her friends die of envy." "Of course, it takes a lovely lady." "Not everyone can wear it." "A great value." "A necklace for a queen!" "Try it on at least." "Eh?" "Beautiful." "And now get changed." "The necklace doesn't go well with traveling clothes." "Come on!" "Excuse me, here's the queen of the party." "And that one's the queen of the party?" "I'm grateful to you." "Baron!" "No hard feelings, eh?" " Not from me." "No, no, we must stop this." "I followed you, not minding where." "I'd follow you to the ends of the earth." "I await your forgiveness." "Let's forget the past." " Come on, stop it!" "Good evening." " Still thinking about that lady?" "Not anymore." " Really?" "Why, that makes you happy?" " Yes." "Come!" "Your engagement is fixed." " With who?" "With whom it's due." "Luigi Schettini." " Ah!" "Excuse me." "Gentlemen!" "Everybody, excuse me, I ask you for a moment's attention." "Maestro, please, a little silence." "What?" "Here?" " Eh, yes." "Because I'm ready now." "But you will pretend!" " No, I'll give you a magnificent slap!" "Not now." " Why not?" " My fiancée and her dad are here." "How will I look?" "But you must make a bad impression!" "Come on, people are waiting." "Easy!" "Go easy and I'll give you a present." " Sure!" "Be careful..." " Stay still." " Go easy..." "Geez!" "Well done." "Bye now!" "I'm.." "I'm so happy because.." "because finally.." "I can marry the woman I love." "Maria Petroni, do you take for your lawfully wedded husband," "Celestino De Rosa?" " Yes." "Celestino De Rosa, do you take for your lawfully wedded wife," "Maria Petroni?" " Well, I..." "Actually.." "It's not for... not this.." "but I, to be honest.. well, I.." "In short, I must also..." " But, do you take her or not?" "One moment!" "Yes!" "My dear, you're moved, aren't you?" "One has to give up something, in the end." " Eh, well..." "What?" "!" "English subtitles by sineintegral@KG."