"*" "(Sound of tape rewinding)" "* Ooh" "*" "* Dum-dum, da da-dum dum-da-dum *" "BOY:" "All right, hey!" "All right, we're on in 5, 4, 3..." "ANNOUNCER:" "Good morning, students!" "It's the Our School Morning News," "With the Our School Morning News team." "Good morning, student body." "I'm Todd Perkles." "Let's start our Tuesday morning with some hard-hitting facts." "The girls' bathroom line is at an all-time high" "As they prepare for..." "Like, who wants to watch this fat girl" "And this fucking suit-wearing tool" "Report corn dog news?" "Not me." "Yeah." "Here we are." "Better than class, though." "As the controversial historically overrated novel" "The Catcher in the Rye..." "It's been a while since I've read a book." "Yeah, me too," "But this one is actually good 'cause it's about..." "It's about someone who..." "This character, Holden Caulfield?" "Okay." "He's just like us." "Like, he hates school, he thinks it's bullshit." "But unlike us, he actually does something about it." "We sent our school news team into the field" "To see what the students have to say." "I mean, it's not going to be on the finals," "So I don't really care." "I'm sure she speaks for the entire student body." "Dude, I hate school!" "Like, hate it." "Yeah, man." "With a burning passion." "School sucks dick, dude." "Please stand for the Pledge of Allegiance." "I don't understand why these two kids get to do the news." "Hey!" "Stop and say the pledge!" "What?" "Stop and say the pledge!" "BOTH:" "One boner, under the boners," "Liberty and boners..." "Liberty and boners for all." "Amen." "*" "(Students chatting, indistinct)" "Everybody!" "(Clapping hands)" "(Mimicking clapping)" "White box!" "White box!" "White box!" "I just wanted to thank every single one of you" "For real... real hard work and dedication," "Being focused every day." "I really, really appreciate it." "(Music playing on headphones)" "You have to understand that." "Romeo and Juliet is one" "Of the greatest love stories ever written," "And um, and I've got something really interesting to tell you." "I think we've been led astray." "I think that, um, I've paid great homage to William." "Um, we have a new ending for Romeo and Juliet!" "That's right!" "GIRL:" "Oh!" "And um, I think you're going to be pleasantly pleased." "Um, so I'm going to pass out these sides," "And if we can run through it." "I'll help you pass them out." "Can somebody help me?" "I can help you!" "Could someone..." "I'll help you." "Somebody, somebody?" "I'll help you pass them out." "Okay." "Thank you." "Uh-huh." "Okay, so, I'm going to need Romeo and Juliet" "Up on the stage right away!" "That's me!" "So, we can run through this." "MS. NIFFLE:" "Uh, good morning." "Today, we are going to do a little something different." "Uh, we are no longer going to be reading The Catcher in the Rye," "And move onto our next novel, which will be Moby Dick." "Um, I will pass this," "And I would like for each of you to put your copies in this box." "Okay, thank you." "Yes, Andrew?" "Is that a recycling bin?" "Are you..." "I don't think so." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "Yes, it is." "Are you throwing them away?" "You'll all enjoy Moby Dick." "It's the story of a seaman and a sperm whale." "It's quite delightful." "Thank you, thank you and your book, please." "Um, I left it at home." "Pardon?" "I left it at home." "But Andrew, I saw it in your hand." "You had it earlier." "Uh, Andrew, let me have your book." "This is just another..." "Another one." "I need to collect all the books, Andrew." "This is a notice that's come down" "From the board of directors." "So, the board..." "I don't..." "I don't know who that is." "They are the people who run this school" "And make the decisions for this school." "Where are they?" "Show me them." "Uh, they are business people." "Can I talk to them?" "They are elsewhere." "Ms. Niffle, I cannot..." "I will not do this." "I am not going to..." "Andrew, give me the book." "Ms. Niffle?" "No, the board of directors has instructed me..." "You have been brainwashed." "You have been brainwashed." "I have not!" "The corporations have brainwashed you." "So, I'm not going to listen to you." "I respect you as an individual," "But I'm going to take this book with me," "Give me that book!" "Ms. Niffle, Ms. Niffle!" "Right now!" "Ms. Niffle, please don't touch me." "I will not touch you." "I realize that's against the rules." "I would like..." "I apologize." "I would like very much to walk out of the room" "In protest of this." "MS. NIFFLE:" "Wait a minute!" "I protest!" "I'm going to walk out and protest." "I'm walking out." "Everyone's going to walk out with me." "Come on, guys." "Jump up." "All of you hold your seats." "Thank you for that, I appreciate it." "Don't listen to her, guys!" "She's been..." "Andrew!" "The corporations are controlling her mind!" "This is a good book!" "Give me that book!" "It's a good book!" "Give me..." "No!" "Andrew, get out of here." "No!" "Leave this room!" "Now!" "You guys are cowards!" "Every single one of you!" "So, once everybody tells us what they're afraid of..." "Is it war?" "Is it, um..." "Is it the needless death of butterflies?" "Uh, we need to say, um, "I acknowledge it."" "Okay, can we start with you?" "Trans fat." "ALL:" "I acknowledge it." "Public schools." "ALL:" "I acknowledge it." "The maid." "ALL:" "I acknowledge it." "Holding your feelings inside." "Oh, that's good." "ALL:" "I acknowledge it." "You need to back the fuck off..." "You need to back the fuck off your teacher." "That's just weird!" "Like, I could take her out to a dinner." "I could take her and give her champagne." "Look at me." "Look at me, Josh." "And we could stare at each other and..." "As a friend, look at me." "You are stupid." "My turn, yeah?" "Ow!" "I was about to do that." "Ow!" "Okay, all right, guys!" "Stop, okay?" "Just stop." "The point is, you're retarded." "I think I'm not going to go to school tomorrow." "You have to go to school." "That's rebellion." "That's it." "No, I'm not going to go." "You have to." "Rebel through disinterest, man!" "It's the rules." "You have to." "That's what I do." "Awesome." "Look what the school's doing to you." "You slapped me!" "That's what it's doing to me." "No, no, it's making you want to fuck your teacher." "That's gross, man." "That's crazy!" "Yeah, we should fix John by fucking the school." "In the ass." "Don't think about the metaphor." "I'm trying not to." "Just roll with it." "Okay, okay." "Just roll with it." "Are you guys almost done yet?" "Presto!" "Hey, John, come check this out." "JOHN:" "Oh, okay." "Oh!" "What do you think, dude?" "Making statements!" "Yeah, dude." "Making some fucking statements!" "Don't fuck with us!" "Catcher in the Rye shouldn't be banned." "Look, it's a big, black dick jizzing all over the school." "Like, it's fucking the school." "That was his contribution." "That's really awesome, guys." "You guys are awesome." "Draw something." "Do you want to add something?" "Wings and eyes, and it's happy." "It's an angel, watching over everyone." "Looks like a bird." "More like a gay-ngel." "It's an angel." "Hey, what's going on in here?" "BOYS:" "Oh, uh..." "Are you all doing the graffiti?" "We're..." "I'm just..." "I saw you stick something in your pocket." "Against the wall!" "Against the wall right now!" "Come on!" "Faster, chop chop!" "Yeah, yeah." "You know these boys?" "JOHN:" "Yes." "No!" "Yes, I do." "No, you don't!" "Everybody in the bathroom, against the wall!" "You know what graffiti means?" "It means disrespect." "It's not about art!" "Look, hey, look!" "Who drew this cute little angel here?" "That's nice!" "Nice, little..." "I drew the angel!" "Heh, heh, I got you right there!" "Can I just start by saying that we didn't do anything?" "Nothing." "And I'll move on to say that none of this is our fault." "Definitely, I didn't do anything." "Yes, thank you, gentleman." "Now, gentlemen, I have to tell you right off the top," "I am extremely disappointed in your behaviour." "I really don't have much choice in the matter." "You're being suspended for the rest of the week." "Suspended?" "JOHN:" "I can't get suspended." "I'm the lead in the play." "That will be taken care of." "Your teachers will be informed." "The debate is over." "Uh, sir..." "Walk courteously and quietly to your lockers." "We'll see you on Monday, and this will all blow over." "*" "(Speaking Chinese)" "(Phone ringing)" "Hello?" "Johnny-cakes!" "How's it going?" "No, this is Mindy." "Who's this?" "Oh, uh, hi, Mindy." "This is Andrew Edwards." "Oh, hi, Andrew!" "I haven't seen you at our house!" "Yeah, I, uh, I miss your house." "Is John there?" "Oh, yeah." "Um, let me towel off real quick" "And I'll give the phone to him." "Great." "We should hang out sometime soon." "Um, sure." "I'll check my schedule." "Okay!" "Pretty busy." "Okay, hold on." "John, phone!" "Did you hear that?" "What?" "She needs to go "towel off."" "So?" "She's just wet from the sound of your voice." "Dude, that's not fucking true." "Dude, you should totally bang her." "All right, first of all, she's John's sister," "And second of all, she's Asian." "Hello?" "Oh, hey, John!" "Oh, hey, guys!" "What's going on?" "Listen, dude, we're hitting the road" "And you're going to taste pussy for the first time." "Oh, well, I'm supposed to be grounded, guys." "My parents are out of town," "But Mindy would not be cool with me leaving." "Fuck that, all right?" "We're going to go experience the real world" "Holden Caulfield-style." "It's going to be awesome." "Okay, um, I could ask her." "You know, she'd probably let me go" "If I took the Woo family survival kit, so..." "All right, well," "I hope you got several pairs of rubber underwear in there," "Because our dicks are about to get super wet." "Well, your wish is my command!" "Toodles." "All right, dude, so you're going to pick me up in, like, 10?" "Yeah, dude, just got to finish cleaning off my mom's barf" "And I'll be right there." "Oh, is she sick?" "No, dude." "Um, I'm sorry?" "Dude, why are you apologizing?" "She's... she's drunk." "It's a good thing." "All right!" "Here we go!" "Here we go, let's do this." "Get out of the fucking way!" "Get out of the way, man!" "(Boys shouting at homeless person)" "Bitch!" "All right, we're good, we're good." "They don't learn." "Hey, pretty sweet!" "All right, check this out!" "I can dig, I can dig." "Home sweet home!" "Yeah, this'll be great for fucking bitches." "That's what the bed's for." "Just lay 'em out on here, you know?" "Oh, it smells bad in here, guys." "I'm talking about..." "Get ready for this to be cummy and bloodstained," "And all that good shit." "Good!" "Yeah." "Sounds fantastic." "Exactly." "That'll probably make it smell worse if we did that." "Yeah, but uh, that's not really..." "Hopefully by then, we'll all have lost our sense of smell." "Yeah!" "*" "Sir?" "Um..." "Is it okay if I..." "If I smoke a fat cig?" "Thanks." "I'm hooked." "Got one more?" "Yeah, yeah, no, totally." "Um, you smoke a lot?" "Yeah, you look..." "You look like one of us." "There you go." "(Coughing)" "Me and my friends, we got a room." "We're just trying to run away from school." "So, trying to fuck shit up, pretty cool." "So, uh, so, John." "Yeah?" "How are you going to make the moves on that drama teacher?" "Well, you know, teacher." "Soon-to-be girlfriend." "Um, she'll be my steady eventually." "Look, you can't..." "She can't be your girlfriend until you've fucked her." "That's how relationships work." "Who can make your genitals tingle with delight?" "That's what it's about." "I..." "I guess that's true." "So, you know, in terms of who's the best at fucking," "I'd say it's probably me." "Definitely." "Then, Andrew, probably," "And then you would be at the bottom." "Well, I haven't done it yet." "Right, and you got to get on that." "That's what I'm saying." "You're running out of time." "You know, if you want to be able to impress her," "You got to start busting nuts, man." "Left and right." "Oh, that sounds really painful." "Yeah, the pussy's going to be lower down than you'd expect." "Really?" "Not like where your dick is, but like closer to your butthole." "Around the taint area is where the pussy's going to be." "So, now the clitoris is going to be right around here." "It's a little bean shape." "It's a little..." "Gonna be a little shape of a little bean, okay?" "Okay." "What you do you is you take..." "Take this finger," "Take the middle finger, put it on the clit." "Okay." "All right, and then rub counter-clockwise, okay?" "Counter-clockwise?" "Counter-clockwise motion." "Okay." "Uh, Ms. Merrifield's probably got a real hairy box," "So you'll probably be able to get a good stench going." "You know, you'll probably be able to detect that" "Pretty early on." "Yeah." "You, uh..." "You like a drug addict, or what?" "What do you got?" "Oh, I don't have..." "I just got Wisconsin slenders," "But um..." "I haven't got into hard drugs yet," "But I'm totally planning on it." "Once you're in, okay," "You want to sort of take a grip right, the hips, and then..." "Uh-oh!" "And the faster you can go, the better the sex is." "And then, you go into the wide..." "The widening of the legs" "Helps you get a good, deep angle." "Okay, this leg over." "Just..." "like that, okay?" "And then, is your head near my dick?" "No, should it be?" "Yeah, back up so your head's..." "Okay." "Okay, there you go." "Ahhh!" "Yeah, right?" "Like, I'm tonguing your pussy right now." "Oh, wow!" "And you're sucking my dick, yeah." "And then, eventually," "And if you do it right, if you time it right," "Then both your mouths will be full of hot genital juice." "Oh, that's really good." "Thanks, man." "Uhhh!" "Ahhh!" "Your eyes move around a lot." "That's cool." "Listen, um..." "Me and my friends are looking to get into some hard shit," "So do you know any hookers?" "You know Mike?" "Mike?" "Who's Mike?" "Mike." "He... he... this is..." "This is where he stops." "(Rap music playing in car)" "Hey..." "Are you Mike?" "MIKE:" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Come on, Mike." "I told you." "I told you I don't ever want to fucking see you again." "If you don't disappear right now," "I'm going to tell Justin you're hiding out." "Oh, God, who's Justin?" "Shitbag motel." "Shit!" "Shit!" "Asshole." "Hi." "Are you a fucking meth head?" "No, I'm not a fucking meth head!" "I'm just a dude who wants to get some... some bitches." "I'm going to get a lady of the night from you." "How old are you?" "I'm... 20, at least 20." "You got money?" "Yeah, of course I have money, dude." "I have a lot." "My parents..." "I mean, I have a lot of money, all right?" "I have a ton of money." "LUKE:" "This is called a cream pie." "Uh-huh." "And that's where the guy shoots his load inside the girl." "Does that get the girl pregnant?" "I mean, maybe, but you know," "Once you bounce, it's not really your problem." "Hey, fuckers!" "You ready to fuck?" "Um..." "Uh, not each other." "You hard?" "You guys got boners?" "I mean, I could work one up." "You ready to get one?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "You got a boner now?" "Hey!" "Wow." "You hard yet?" "Hi." "Come on in." "Getting there." "This is Caramel." "Hey!" "CARAMEL:" "Hi." "Luke, hi." "Hello, Caramel." "I'm Luke." "John, this is John." "John." "My name's John." "Hi." "How are you?" "Good, how are you?" "Please, take a seat here." "Wow!" "I'm confused." "Is it all of you, or just him?" "Oh, uh, it's just going to be him, I think." "You can do this." "Yeah." "Yeah, you pumped?" "Yes!" "Can you believe it?" "No, I really cannot believe it." "All right, uh..." "Yup, he's ready for you." "Teach me everything!" "Yeah!" "Here we go!" "Luke!" "Luke!" "Luke!" "(Luke talking, indistinct)" "Okay, all right." "Luke!" "Luke!" "Luke!" "Luke!" "Luke!" "(Clapping hands)" "Dude!" "(Taking deep breath)" "You think we'll be able to hear him?" "This is going to be amazing." "Okay!" "Okay, I want to suck your dick." "Okay." "All right." "Sounds good, uh..." "Yes, suck my dick." "Guy's just probably going to scream so frigging loud." "Sixty-nine her up and down!" "He was telling me about..." "You know about 69?" "He was telling me everything!" "Uh..." "Um..." "Are you not into this?" "No, I uh..." "What do you want me to do?" "No, uh, look, I..." "Do you want to fuck me first?" "Uh, can we talk maybe for a little bit first?" "Just..." "About what?" "About what you want to fuck me like?" "No, um, uh..." "He was all about..." "Flick her bean!" "Flick her bean, bro!" "But make it counter-clockwise!" "Don't forget!" "Look, you seem like a really, uh, nice lady," "And, um, you're very pretty," "And very attractive, um..." "I can't have sex with you right now" "In here, in this shower." "You don't like the showers?" "There's..." "I got to..." "There's a lot of sort of stuff going on." "I just am sort of uncomfortable with this whole, uh, sex thing." "You know, my mom, there's issues there." "She drinks all the time." "Uh, that's..." "I'm sorry." "I don't even know why I'm telling you this," "But can we just like... (Boys shouting outside)" "Could we pretend, just pretend to have sex?" "Like, maybe make some sounds or something," "So that they..." "So they think that..." "That we... yeah." "You know." "Are you doing her or not, man?" "I can't even..." "I'm paying good money for this!" "Here come..." "Off go the pants!" "Oh, wow, is it..." "pulverizing time!" "So wet!" "I found out why they call her Caramel, guys!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, God!" "Say my name, bitch!" "Oh, Caramel!" "Oh, God!" "LUKE:" "Fuck!" "Oh, yeah!" "Fuck, yes!" "(Slapping wall)" "Wow!" "Yes, bitch!" "Oh, I'm going to come!" "Spank me!" "Oh, I'm going to come!" "Spank me when you come!" "Yeah, do that!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Are you guys in love?" "Wait, he came." "Shh, wait." "Uh, what?" "ANDREW:" "Did you come?" "Yeah." "Yeah, we both did." "Oh, that's awesome!" "(Clapping)" "Wow!" "Okay, that was perfect." "Um, there are a couple things" "I'm going to need you to say to them out there." "Uh, oh, and I'm going to need your panties." "No one's ever really been this nice to me before." "Wow..." "ANDREW:" "Hey, so, well done." "Well done." "LUKE:" "Guys, this girl was, among other things," "Doing lines of my own shit off of my dick." "That... is a powerful image." "Your friend is a come god." "He literally did somersaults inside of me with his dick." "The... please, please, please take these." "Take them as a gift." "I can't wear them anymore." "They're completely soaked." "Bye, boys." "Bye, Luke!" "(Sniffing)" "All right, let's go to bed!" "Okay." "(Heavenly choir singing)" "(Sighing)" "Dear Father, our lord in Heaven," "Um..." "Thank you for your guidance always." "Um..." "But I'm..." "I'm in a room with two other boys" "That might have strayed very far from the path," "And maybe me going on this trip, maybe it's for a reason." "Maybe I can..." "I can somehow show them" "That being loved is much more... much better than..." "Than pornographic things and..." "And the strange stuff that's been going on with them." "Um, so, please, if you could please be there for all of us." "Um, in Jesus's name I pray, amen." "(Birds chirping)" "(Door creaking)" "*" "(Door opening)" "Got a messy space?" "Yeah, this, um, this needs to be cleaned up." "Okay." "But wait, before you do," "Look at it." "What does it say to you?" "Nothing, man." "Just looks like a..." "A dumbass drawing." "Some dumbass kids, man." "Okay, fine, look." "This... this is clearly a gun of some kind." "A Glock or a 9 Desert Eagle." "And these are the bullets." "But these bullets aren't even coming out of the gun, though." "What... where do those even come from?" "It's a rain of bullets." "It's a metaphor!" "Oh, okay." "It's a drawing metaphor." "Okay." "Let me finish." "All right." "This one's missing a leg." "Uh-huh." "'Cause he's been shot so much." "Right." "And it didn't all come together" "Until I looked what they wrote here." ""School."" "That summed it up for you?" "Look at that, "school"!" "They're going to shoot the school," "And all the people in it!" "Mm-hmm." "Their eyes are just dead." "They're dead from being shot." "This stays here." "I don't have to clean this up?" "No." "Okay, well, you have a good day." "Dumbass." "*" "(Beeping)" "(Students chattering, indistinct)" "(Beeping)" "Hey." "Hi, hello." "How can I help you?" "It's me, it's Charlie." "Mm-hmm, hi, Charlie." "The skoo..." "School... (Clearing throat)" "The school security guard?" "Mm-hmm, yeah, I knew that." "What can you tell me about the book Catcher in the Rye?" "Um, I know that it was recently banned here." "Uh..." "Everybody knows that." "Okay, uh, sorry." "Um, let me just do a search here." "Okay, um, between 1962 and 1981," "Uh, it was the most censored book" "In high schools and libraries in the U.S." "Uh, it inspired several shootings." "Uh, John Lennon, by Mark David Chapman." "Is that all true?" "Yes." "I'm reading it right now from an accurate source." "That's about as much information as I have." "I didn't know what I was dealing with until now." "What's your name?" "Uh, Jaime." "Jaime." "Yes." "Thank you, Jaime." "No problem." "Um, one more question." "Mm-hmm?" "Uh, what... what time do you get finished with work?" "What time do you get off?" "Uh, I'm, a sophomore in high school." "Okay." "So, about 3?" "Yeah, that's when school lets out." "Thanks." "Yeah." "Thanks for all your help." "No problem." "Bye-bye." "Nice meeting you, Jaime." "Yep, nice meeting you too." "Charlie." "Charlie." "Yeah, bye-bye." "Rise and shine, fellow camper!" "Looks like you've already risen." "(Laughing) Oh!" "Yeah, look at that." "Dreaming about Sheila?" "I think he is." "I bet, yeah, looks like it." "No." "Got to get some poon, dude." "I can..." "I..." "Pretty quick, by the look of things." "Sure, yeah, that'll..." "This is a fuck-sploration, all right?" "We're gonna fuck!" "Yeah." "Remember all that shit I taught you?" "You got the weapon..." "Yeah?" "Locked and loaded, right here." "Let's go to war." "Let's make the kill." "* Hit it" "*" "All right, let's do this!" "(Slapping) Ahh!" "Hey, Sheila, what's going on?" "I'm Romeo." "Juliet?" "All right!" "*" "Hoo!" "(Taking deep breath)" "(Knocking)" "Hi, I..." "Can I help you?" "Hi." "Hi, uh..." "Who are you?" "I'm, I'm John." "Uh, I, um, I'm so sorry." "I went..." "I went to the wrong apartment!" "This is..." "I'm sorry." "I'm looking for Sheila Merrifield." "Oh, you just missed her." "Oh, man!" "Who are you again?" "I'm..." "I'm a friend of hers, and... and..." "Friend?" "Yeah, yeah, we're friends, um..." "Is she expecting you?" "Yeah, yeah, prob..." "Well, I mean, probably, most likely." "Well, she's not here, dude." "Oh!" "Okay, I'll wait for her!" "Leave her a message." "I'll just wait." "I can just wait." "She'll be back soon?" "I think you should go home." "Okay." "Yeah, yeah, get on home." "Okay, all right." "I'll go home." "(Locking door)" "LUKE:" "Now, the real question." "Do we want some drink?" "None of this." "This is non-alcoholic." "We want to move over to this section." "We're going to want something like a..." "Like a Chardonnay or a Sauvignon Blanc." "We could try and steal it." "That's even more illegal." "To steal alcohol?" "We could just go to a bar," "Like tomorrow night or something." "Uh, no, we can't go to a bar, dude." "I'm not going to go to a bar." "Dude, why... why the fuck can't we go into a bar?" "I went to a bar, like, recently," "And this..." "I like..." "I just got up to the door, right?" "These two guys come out," "And one of them was like kind of Cuban," "And he... he had really shitty breath." "It smelled like crap!" "So..." "That didn't happen to you." "Don't bullshit me." "No, no, that happened to me, dude." "That happened to me!" "It didn't happen to you." "It happened to Holden Caulfield, a fictional character." "Did you read the book?" "Yes, last night, I read the whole book." "You read the whole book?" "You don't like to read!" "I saw your pills on the table." "I just took..." "Downed a bunch of them." "You popped my pills?" "You popped my Ritalin?" "I really couldn't go to sleep, man." "Your pills are, like, fucking crazy." "I just read the whole thing." "You're not supposed to take two dozen of them!" "Well, I didn't know." "I just saw them on the table." "That story happened to me, dude!" "I know it didn't." "I read the book last night." "Don't fucking bullshit me." "There are a lot..." "There are plenty of smelly-breathed Cubans" "Out there, okay?" "When have you ever been to a bar?" "You've never been to a bar!" "I didn't go in, dude." "I was outside!" "You've never been near a bar!" "There are bars near my house." "There are bars near your house." "Your mom goes all the time." "Hey, fuck you." "Well, don't tell me..." "My mom drinks at home." "Uh, heh, heh." "Oh, there are my keys!" "Hey, John?" "Hi!" "Your name's John, right?" "Yes." "Want to come in?" "It's fucking raining." "Okay, yeah." "Get in." "Uh, have a seat." "Ahh!" "We'll wait for Sheila." "Oh, this is a beautiful place." "This is so beautiful!" "Thanks, thanks." "Wow, she's... she's such a good decorator!" "She's just so great!" "Ha, ha!" "(Sighing)" "It's all Sheila!" "Yeah." "These are really interesting pictures." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah!" "Some vacations we've been on." "(Swallowing)" "Oh." "Uh... you know, there was..." "There was some homework that I needed to give her," "But you know what?" "I don't even have it!" "I think maybe you should leave, dude." "Oh, man!" "I don't..." "I don't think this is..." "I don't think you should be here." "I don't even have the homework!" "(Door chiming open)" "LUKE:" "Look, I'm sorry about the whole thing," "That whole argument back there." "It's just that..." "It's just that I honestly know nothing about you." "You've never told me anything" "About, like, your family life, your house." "I don't know how many parents you have," "If you even have parents." "I'm not..." "I'm not really..." "I don't like dwelling on the past." "That's all behind me now." "I don't believe that for one second." "I don't remember them." "It seems like such a long time since I've been there." "Okay, you're going to have to stop" "Fucking being Holden Caulfield." "I'm not Holden Caulfield!" "You're talking like Holden Caulfield." "You're doing the whole..." "I'm not talking like..." "What are you talking about?" "In the beginning of the book, he's like," ""I don't like to do things."" "Remembering the past, all of that shit," "That's right how he starts it off, man!" "I really fucking wish you hadn't read that book." "You were such a dick to read it." "JOHN:" "I mean, you don't..." "You don't know one way or another, you know?" "You can't... you can't tell anymore, can you?" "I mean, I bet you've been..." "You've had your heart broken, like, thousands of times." "(Sighing) I understand." "(Person moaning)" "You okay?" "You going to be all right?" "(Moaning)" "Oh, what is that?" "Oh, what is that?" "Oh, yeah!" "(Sniffing)" "Oh!" "So, how did, uh, you and John" "Like the fuck I was giving that Caramel?" "That was..." "That was some good shit!" "I'm glad you liked it." "You know, I really sort of got to know her" "As a person, you know?" "I really like her." "You know, like somewhere between..." "Wait, wait, the whore?" "Yeah, yeah, Caramel." "We had, like, a real nice moment." "Um, some, like, really nice, genuine eye contact," "And like, sort of a..." "You know, like a..." "Like a sentimental touch, you know?" "You guys had sentimental touches?" "Yeah, I mean, like in between the stuff." "It just sounds a little weird that you're talking..." "'Cause like, you sound like John." "Well, there's a huge difference between what I'm talking about" "And what John's talking about with his fucking teacher." "Huge difference!" "I can't..." "I don't know." "I'm not sure what the difference is." "'Cause you said the connection..." "Well, no, with John..." "See, see, I've already..." "I already fucked her, the prostitute." "John's not even..." "John's is a one-way street, mine's a two-way thing." "He's definitely not going to fuck her." "No, clearly, he's not going to fuck her." "She's a fucking drama teacher." "He must be so fucking beat up right now." "He's probably already been rejected." "(Drunkenly) To life!" "To li-i-ife!" "* She was just a lesbian" "* Ohhhh" "* She was a lesbian" "You know what?" "That guy who broke your heart," "He didn't know what a woman you were, okay?" "I know that you are a woman!" "You are a female who deserves to be treated nicely!" "We all deserve to be treated nicely," "And I deserve to be treated nicely." "(Sirens in background)" "Mmm, you can't even find your mouth you have so much hair." "Oh, is that..." "Mmm!" "I found your mouth again!" "I found your mouth!" "(Sucking noise)" "Oh!" "ANDREW:" "I bet he'll be, like, in the middle of the street crying," "With like poop in his underwear." "I just thought he would be done by now." "I thought he would have already been rejected." "He's probably going to come out and try to lie about it." "Well, obviously." "He'll probably come out and be like, "Yeah, I did it."" "Like some douche." "Yeah, who the fuck would do that?" "He would." "We'll sneak up," "We'll just shine a light through the window" "And be like, "Are you doing it or not?"" "You know, and we got ya!" "'Cause if he is doing it, I want to be able to see." "(John moaning)" "JOHN:" "Oh, God!" "Is that John?" "Oh, shit." "I got this." "John!" "John!" "(John moaning)" "Get him!" "Luke!" "John!" "Get off my friend, you she-rapist bitch!" "JOHN:" "Oh, my God!" "What the fuck!" "Argh!" "(John panting)" "Fuck, dude!" "It's okay, man." "What the fuck is that, dude?" "I don't know, man." "What the fuck?" "There's no pulse." "No pulse." "Fucking..." "No pulse." "Ugh!" "She's dead, dude." "(Music playing on radio)" "* From the day that I was born" "* I would never walk alone" "* There was always someone there *" "* Anytime, anywhere" "(Talking, indistinct)" "(Luke and Andrew grunting)" "Wait, wait, hold on!" "Wait!" "Dude, get back in the car." "Get back in the car, John!" "We got to hurry up." "We got to hurry up." "No, no, no, guys." "What?" "We got to put her in here, dude." "In the car, John!" "Guys, my DNA, my DNA's in her." "What?" "What are you talking about, dude?" "You're fucking babbling." "I don't even know..." "I was wrong, okay?" "I was wrong, because Sheila was wrong!" "What are you talking about?" "What are you saying?" "Oh, she was there for me," "And she was a really good listener." "The homeless woman?" "You fucked a homeless woman!" "I'm drunk, okay?" "I don't know!" "I didn't know it would happen!" "She was..." "She didn't rape you?" "She wanted me, and I wanted her." "Oh, my God!" "You fucking killed an innocent woman, dude!" "I thought she was raping him!" "Yeah, 'cause we love each other now and she..." "You don't love her!" "She's homeless!" "You just porked a fucking bindlestiff!" "Oh, God!" "She was there for me!" "You're out of your goddamn mind!" "I was in love, okay?" "!" "Who else..." "She was there," "And you guys weren't fucking there!" "You were never there." "If we were there, would you have fucked us too?" "Jesus Christ!" "Where are you going?" "Get in the car!" "You just mowed down a fucking hobo!" "We got to go, dude." "We can't just leave." "Well, yes, we can." "Just leave the car, leave John, leave the body." "It's his fault." "It's my fucking car!" "I can't just leave it here." "Who cares, dude?" "Would you rather go to jail?" "If I did, they'll probably run the fucking car!" "I'm fucking out of here, dude." "LUKE:" "Dude, what the fuck?" "You can't just leave me!" "I got to leave!" "No, dude." "This was your fucking idea." "Get back here, and help me deal with this shit!" "This isn't part of the plan!" "I don't give a shit!" "We got to deal with this now!" "Fuck!" "You son of a bitch!" "We were starting to like you!" "John, why?" "!" "Why did you fuck a homeless woman?" "Just come over here, we'll take her back to the motel." "We'll sort our shit out from there." "ANDREW:" "I'm not crying!" "I didn't say you were crying!" "I don't give a shit if you're crying!" "JOHN:" "He makes me to lie down in green pastures." "He leads me beside the still waters." "He restores my soul." "He leads me in the paths of righteousness" "For His name's sake." "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death," "I will fear no evil," "For You are with me." "Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." "(Sighing)" "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." "You anoint my head with oil." "My cup runs over." "Surely, goodness and... (All gasping)" "Fuck, fuck!" "Shit!" "(Woman moaning)" "Holy shit!" "(All shouting) No, stop!" "Fucking bitch!" "Stop, stop!" "Oh, thank God!" "Holy shit, dude, she's alive." "Oh!" "John, it's okay." "John, you fucking son of a bitch." "John, you didn't fucking kill anyone!" "It's..." "Where are you going?" "She needs ice." "Dude." "She needs ice!" "What the fuck?" "Fuck the..." "You don't have to be a cranky little bitch about it!" "You should be happy!" "What the fuck's his problem, dude?" "Literally, a homeless woman." "He actually lost his virginity to a homeless woman." "That's a story I'll tell my grandkids." "That's for sure." "Would you ever..." "No!" "Lose your virginity..." "Are you kidding me?" "Lose my virginity, period, dude." "I'm saving myself for college." "Dude, same, same." "I have morals." "No, I..." "You lied, dude!" "You fucking lied to me!" "You've been lying for years!" "Hey, I was never specific." "Doing lines of shit off your dick?" "That's so..." "Do you think I would actually do that shit?" "That's disgusting." "I don't fucking know, dude!" "Who the fuck would do that?" "Who the fuck would come up with that shit?" "Dude, I don't fucking know!" "You must watch a lot of porn, dude!" "Yes, I do." "I watch a lot of porn." "It's a problem for you!" "Yes, it's kind of a crutch." "(Sounds of couple having sex)" "(Woman retching)" "Hey, guys, I was thinking about everything..." "Oh, my God!" "ANDREW AND LUKE:" "Yep." "That's been going on pretty much non-stop since you left." "(Woman retching)" "Holy shit!" "Oh, my God!" "Should I..." "I mean, go for it." "I haven't looked in there." "Whoa!" "Oh, shit!" "Oh, my God!" "It smells so bad!" "Oh, my God, dude!" "Fuck!" "Ooh!" "Oh, God!" "Ooh." "Oh." "Yep." "That's just..." "That's just vomiting." "She's just vomiting because she's sick." "She has morning sickness." "That's morning sickness, John." "Ugh, no!" "Think about it." "You just had sex with her," "Now she's throwing up at 3 a.m. in the morning." "But we don't even know if it's my child." "It's definitely your child!" "You just had sex with her." "Come on, dude!" "It makes sense that the closest..." "Cause and effect, dude." "I don't..." "I don't..." "You caused, the effect is" "She's swollen with child." "You're going to want to hold her hair back" "As she throws up into the toilet." "I do it with my mom all the time." "Uh, it's going to keep the vomit out of her hair," "And she'll really appreciate it in the morning." "JOHN:" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, dude." "No, don't..." "Don't apologize, guys." "It's a helpful tip." "(Woman retching)" "All right, no, no, don't vomit there." "You're good." "Oh, yeah, just let it out." "Just let it out." "(Retching)" "Just go, just let it out." "You've got this." "Mmm!" "Mmm!" "Mm, that tasted so great." "(Moaning)" "(Spitting)" "(Crying) Oh, my God!" "(Woman snoring)" "I don't want you to be pregnant!" "Oh, please, don't be pregnant!" "Oh, fuck!" "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "(Retching)" "Do you want me to hold your hair?" "Just... oh." "(Whimpering)" "Holy shit!" "(Sobbing)" "Oh, my God!" "Oh!" "(Crying)" "I don't fucking know!" "Oh, shit!" "(Vomiting)" "(Whimpering softly)" "* Go to sleep, little darling" "* Go to sleep, little girl" "* You are my little darling" "* Let me give you a whirl" "(Woman hiccupping)" "Wake up, John!" "Wakey-wakey!" "John, John." "What are you guys doing?" "You slacked on your duties, dude." "She got away," "And now we can't keep her anymore, okay?" "I woke up, your bitch was breathing all over me." "She's already done her..." "This is causing a problem." "She's already ruined the bathroom," "And now she's fucking with us mentally." "You got to get rid of her." "Yep." "So, there are my keys." "There's a credit card." "You got your kit, your bitch." "Take care of this problem." "Guys, I was thinking." "What if she actually gets pregnant?" "Dude, don't worry about that." "Just get rid of her." "Just get rid of her." "No, we need to figure out if she's actually pregnant." "The pregnancy issue is kind of irrelevant." "Don't worry about it." "Don't worry about that." "I can't do that." "What?" "There's a pregnancy test." "We always have a pregnancy test." "In the Woo family survival kit?" "You got a pregnancy test?" "How else are you supposed to survive, dude?" "Okay, whatever, we can test her, sure." "Yeah, yeah, we'll..." "Do you know how to work this?" "Perfect." "I definitely know how to use this." "Okay, now, I'm going to need you to hold still," "And say, "Ahh!"" "Ahh, beautiful." "Perfect." "Great." "All right, I think we're..." "It seems like enough time has passed." "If she's pregnant, she's probably very pregnant." "So, nurse, could you please read the test results?" "Shake it out there." "What is it?" "That can't be right." "Negative means..." "That means pregnant, right?" "Of course it means pregnant, dude." "Like negative..." "Negative news, right?" "Yeah, bad news." "Bad news, she's pregnant." "We got a real baby on our hands." "Real woman, real baby." "What are we going to do, man?" "RU-486, morning-after treatment." "Uh, services?" "No, no, guys, I can't..." "That's not..." "I'm not going to let her have an abortion." "John, John." "I'm not going to do that." "You made the most difficult decision of your life." "I got an idea." "Yeah?" "John, you're pro-life, right?" "Yeah." "And you would be..." "Pro-abortion." "You're pro-abortion." "So?" "So somewhere in the middle is pro-choice." "I'm not familiar." "What if we let her decide?" "Okay, here's how this is going to work." "I'm going to let go of her on the count of three." "If she runs to Andrew..." "I represent the choice of getting an abortion." "You get an abortion." "If she runs to you, you keep the baby." "All right." "You ready?" "Yes." "Okay." "One, two, three!" "Come on!" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Okay, all right!" "Look!" "No, that's fine!" "Come here!" "I'm the father of your child." "That's cool, you can come to me." "(All shouting)" "Oh!" "Oh, shit." "Uh, new plan." "ANDREW AND JOHN:" "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Scissors cut paper!" "Abortion, it is!" "Abortion that baby right out of that woman's vagina." "LUKE:" "Hell, yeah, he is!" "So, get ready." "Let's pack this shit up," "And let's hit Buckner's Abortion Clinic." "Yeah, bag your bitch and let's roll." "*" "You guys chewing gum?" "Okay, all right, just checking." "Get to class, bell's about to ring." "(Bell ringing)" "Being a straggler?" "Hurry up, hurry up." "No laughing, get to... get to class." "(Clearing throat)" "I have, uh, an appointment with Principal Kerosene." "Listen, here's the deal." "I'm scared shitless." "Catcher in the Rye, that's ominous!" "I don't read, but people are talking stories." "It's all B.S." "Do you know what happens when people read Catcher in the Rye?" "People die!" "People get shot!" "People graduate, that's what happens." "I..." "I don't let in garbage, no, no!" "You do what you have to do to keep us safe," "Just as you do." "This runs on batteries." "Yeah?" "I'll get you more batteries." "You want... more power?" "You want, what, do you need larger batteries?" "What?" "Something with manpower, like, "I'm the man!"" "You're the man!" "You keep us safe." "Go out there and protect us." "Go out and protect." "Right, you know what you're doing." "I know what I'm doing!" "Yeah, good, good." "I'm going out there." "I'm powerful, I'm a man." "Yeah, you're the man." "I need the right equipment." "You got it, you got it." "I got..." "You got the right equipment." "You..." "That's..." "I know what's happening." "Yeah." "I'm picking up the subtle tones that you're dropping." "Okay." "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah." "All right." "(Making clicking gun sound)" "Just a little." "A bit of power, extra power." "(Protestors shouting)" "Getting raped by Satan himself!" "You whore!" "Whore!" "Whore!" "ANDREW:" "It should be right around here somewhere." "LUKE:" "All right." "JOHN:" "Hey, Andrew, I just realized something." "What's up?" "You know, I, um, I have had sex now," "Uh, and Luke has obviously been having sex" "Since he was three." "When are you going do the fuck-sploration, sir?" "Uh, I mean, you know..." "Probably today." "Yeah, probably never, right?" "Yeah, Mister..." "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" "Nothing, just you know," "We're all on this trip." "Don't be an asshole, John." "(Spitting)" "(Protestors shouting)" "What is wrong with you?" "You slut!" "Stop, stop!" "It's John!" "Stop!" "Oh, what the hell?" "Okay, okay." "Let's go, come on, come on." "John, what are you doing?" "Hi!" "Oh, oh, Mindy." "John, what is going on?" "Uh, nothing." "Uh, well, no." "We heard about the rally!" "We heard, and we want to help you out." "Oh, no, John, it's okay, it's okay, I got this." "It's my abortion." "I had sex with her." "No." "You're getting an abortion?" "No, I got this." "I got your back." "(Mindy shouting, indistinct)" "No, don't do this, John!" "Tell your friends not to do this." "Okay, uh..." "No!" "That's fine." "Foetuses have feelings too!" "Look, you can keep this baby and be happy." "Have you seen her?" "I cannot keep that baby." "She doesn't want it." "We asked her if she wanted it." "We asked her to be pro-choice, we asked her." "She didn't want it." "John, this lady's too old to have a baby." "Right, that's why we're aborting it." "She doesn't produce eggs or anything anymore." "ANDREW:" "Women lay eggs?" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!" "She's, like, 100 years old or something!" "Oh, my God!" "(All cheering)" "Oh, come on!" "Don't!" "Oh, are you okay?" "Ha, ha!" "Yeah, let's do it!" "Choose life!" "Choose life!" "Choose life!" "(Shouting, indistinct)" "I..." "I'm going to choose life." "Choose life, yeah!" "Not only was she sucking my face, okay," "But she was also thrusting herself into me." "Basically, basically grinding into me." "We were basically grinding." "Please stop, dude." "That's..." "Come on, that's my sister." "You can't..." "So?" "You can't talk like that about my sister." "Dude, I can and I will!" "We just fucking hooked up, dude." "Please, anybody else." "How are you not supporting me, first of all?" "We've been trying so hard to get you laid this whole damn trip." "Are you joking?" "No, I'm not joking!" "Now all of a sudden, you're trying to cock-block your bro?" "Dude, it could turn out really badly" "And then you would be heartbroken," "And I wouldn't mop up your tears, ever!" "Dude, it's not going to turn out really badly." "I'm just trying to bust my nuts." "My sister is not into you like that, okay?" "She's obviously into me!" "Did you see me sucking her face?" "She didn't even mean anything by that." "You know, she was just really excited..." "Oh, you think she accidentally..." "We joined the rally, that's it!" "You can't accidentally make out with somebody." "ANDREW:" "I have helped you score" "All the weird old women that you've been after." "I know how you like 'em old." "LUKE:" "That's true." "There's one right in there that you should be taking care of," "Okay, 'cause she's basically a dog." "Can I just say that?" "Don't call her that!" "If she heard you right now, okay?" "She can't fucking hear me, dude." "She's deaf as shit." "That's not true!" "If you haven't figured that out by now," "Then you must be retarded." "So, what's your plan?" "I mean, 'cause you made out with her and everything," "But that's not where the road ends, obviously." "I think we're going to go ice-skating first." "Was that... was the ice-skating her idea?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, definitely." "I don't..." "Can I see your jacket for a second?" "Don't you have..." "I mean, are you cold?" "No, I just want to see your jacket." "Can I..." "Yeah, sure." "Well, no, actually, that's um..." "I want to see the book." "Why?" "I think you're bullshitting." "What is that supposed to mean?" "I think the ice rink is 100% your idea," "And I think you're only doing it" "Because Holden Caulfield does it in The Catcher in the Rye." "You're still reading that?" "Dude, they banned that book!" "John, you don't know what the hell you're talking about." "Um, you're not supposed to be banned books," "Is what you're not supposed to do!" "What?" "Okay!" "I'll show you right here." "No, you don't need to do that!" "The point is that I'm..." "Come look at this." "What happened to me being the poon-master?" "Look, look, okay." "He takes this girl Sally..." "John, John!" "Do you know how their date ends?" "Have you read that far in the book?" "I mean..." "I'm almost there." "Because he doesn't get laid." "You know that?" "I can interpret the book myself." "Why don't you just give it back?" "Give me the book." "Do you think you're Holden Caulfield?" "'Cause you're not Holden Caulfield, you know." "Fuck, dude, listen!" "Give me the book!" "No!" "What's the problem?" "Look, I wanted to come on this trip," "Have a good time with my friends!" "To be honest, I'm tired of this book." "You were lying to us," "And telling us that this was all part of your plan!" "It was just a banned book!" "John, she would have never given a fuck about you." "Honestly, you want to know why we brought you along?" "So, we wouldn't seem gay, okay?" "'Cause the two of us in a motel room together," "That'd be pretty fucking gay." "Yeah, well, now it's three of us," "And you're being the gayest one!" "You're being the gayest one!" "I am the..." "I am the leader!" "I am the leader of this!" "This is my fucking trip, all right?" "So, you're not going to fuck..." "Give me my fucking book right now!" "No, no, I'm tired of this!" "We should get rid of the book, dude." "Luke, give me my fucking book." "No, I'm not giving you the book." "I am going to do something shit-crazy" "If you don't give me my book." "I want to see that!" "Do it!" "What?" "Bring it on!" "He's a fucking virgin!" "You mean, I'm the only one that's..." "Yes, you're the only one." "You fucked a hobo for no reason" "Because of him!" "Then, both of you guys lied to me?" "This whole thing was his idea!" "I didn't lie to you!" "You lied to me!" "(All shouting, indistinct)" "I will fucking kill you!" "Guys, come on!" "Come on!" "Fuck this book!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Fucking stop it!" "(Shouting, indistinct)" "I'm going to fucking shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Get the book!" "Shit!" "(All panting)" "Look what you fucking did to my..." "Look what you fucking..." "Look what you fucking did!" "I don't need either of you!" "You can stay here like a couple of homos!" "(Panting)" "You need to calm down." "I got punched in the face just now!" "Okay, and it really hurt!" "You are getting bitchy!" "You're bitching and bitching, like you always do." "Yeah, well, at least I never lied!" "At least I'm never lying to my friends" "Because I really thought you guys were my friends," "But I guess that was a fucking lie too!" "I don't have time for your girlish bullshit right now," "Okay?" "Andrew is out there, all right, all alone." "He... fucking forgot his jacket." "Goddamn it." "You stay here." "You watch her, okay?" "Make sure she doesn't fucking go anywhere." "You can go have sex with someone." "Oh, wait!" "Liar!" "*" "Hey, Steve." "It's pronounced like "Stef."" "My name is Stevon." "Okay." "Fuck it, right?" "Nobody..." "Nobody's followed me." "I'm..." "I'm clean." "Clean trail." "You scared?" "Safety first." "You might as well be as safe as possible." "Definitely, man." "I mean, kids are fucking crazy nowadays." "I saw these children in my neighbourhood" "Jerk a homeless man off against his will." "He screamed so loud." "I don't even know what you're talking about." "I don't know what the fuck I seen!" "I... okay." "Anyway, look." "Four." "Four hundred American dollars." "For this little bitch right here." "Is that what it's called?" "Little bitch?" "Could be." "It's my little bitch." "Could be Patty." "Okay." "Could be Roxanne." "I don't..." "I've never..." "I've never held one of these before." "Well, you're holding one right now," "So be careful." "There's a first time for everything." "Two, three and four." "There you go." "See you at work." "Yeah!" "I'll see you at work." "I won't have to work" "If I keep selling that mother-fucking shit." "Serious!" "(Car radio playing country music)" "You're going to be the best, Charlie!" "You're going to be a hero!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "You saved the school!" "I saved the school!" "Where's my award?" "(Drunkenly) You're in the newspaper, Charlie!" "You saved the day!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Hey, everybody!" "Charlie, Charlie... (Changing stations on radio)" "(Slurring) After they throw my parade..." "I'm gonna go up to Jaime." "Hey, librarian girl!" "Hey!" "This is my ticket to anything I want!" "You're my girlfriend now!" "And you know what I want?" "You!" "(Imitating gunshot)" "Fuck that girl." "Fuck that girl in the ass!" "(Slurping)" "(Radio continues playing)" "* When evening fades into the blackness of night *" "* You feel so lonely and you need a guiding light *" "(Slurping)" "* When the cold wind bruises you *" "* You pray to God, he refuses you *" "(Gunshots)" "Son of a bitch!" "(Gunshot)" "(Panting)" "* I am the sun" "* I'll be rising to shine upon you *" "Ugh!" "(Crying)" "(Gunshot)" "Damn it!" "Andrew?" "Andrew, you're going to freeze without this thing." "Caramel?" "Caramel?" "Hi, Luke!" "Have you seen Andrew by any chance?" "Fuck, dude, I don't know, man." "It's not fucking working." "Dude, it's not working, man!" "I don't know!" "What the fuck?" "Hey, come here." "Yo, Mike, what's up?" "Oh, fuck!" "How's it going?" "Dude!" "Hey, man, your lighter's out." "Dude, man, it doesn't work." "You fucking stole my lighter?" "No, man." "You smoking?" "Get in here." "Come here!" "What's going on?" "What's up, guys?" "You got a lighter?" "Oh, yeah, it's right here." "What are we smoking tonight?" "Uh, some rocks?" "Some kind of glass?" "What... what are we..." "What are we smoking?" "Try it." "Yeah, I guess I'll take a sample." "A little..." "What's the worst that could happen, right?" "(Coughing)" "Oh, fuck!" "(Caramel giggling)" "Do you want to, like..." "Do you want to, like, hang out sometime?" "Maybe?" "I could get your number or something." "We could, I don't know, we could do something." "Yeah, call me." "Really?" "Yes." "Like, I don't know," "You want to go to a movie or something" "When I get back, or something like that?" "What'll people, like, think when they see me, Luke?" "Or when they see you with me?" "I mean, no one at school" "Is going to know that you're a prostitute." "So, I'll have to get new clothes." "I mean, are these the only clothes you own?" "I mean..." "You only own one set of clothes?" "I mean, they're all pretty much like this." "What about for, like, lounging-around clothes?" "Well, I just use, like, my bra and underwear for that." "Oh, that's cool." "Yeah." "Yeah." "So, I can..." "I'll get Mike to do something about that." "Really?" "I mean, if you really want to see me." "Yeah, like for free?" "Can I hang out with you for free?" "Well, I mean," "I think you're going to have to pay for the movie." "Well, I mean, obviously I'll pay for the movie," "Or like food or whatever, but you know what I mean." "Yeah." "Do you want to, like..." "I don't know." "Do something?" "Right now?" "Yeah." "Um... (Shouting, moaning)" "You like spanking, bitch?" "(Moaning)" "Hey, you're uh..." "you guys are pretty cool." "I've never felt like this before." "I've never felt like this!" "Like this before!" "I've never felt like this before!" "Never!" "Ever!" "Never!" "You guys are like my new best friends!" "Fuck my old friends!" "You guys are real, you know?" "Fuck them!" "(Laughing crazily)" "Man, calm down." "I'm sorry!" "Do you want some more?" "(Blowing)" "Ah..." "Okay." "What you gonna do for some more rock?" "I want to smoke some more crack!" "Come up here." "Come up front." "Come up front." "Up front?" "What are you... whoa!" "Shh." "Um... (Muffled sounds)" "What a weird couple of days!" "Heh, heh!" "CARAMEL:" "Oh, fuck me, Luke!" "Fuck me, Luke!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh, my God!" "At least you're there for me." "(Caramel moaning)" "I love you." "I love you. (Laughing)" "(Luke and Caramel moaning)" "Oh, my God!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh, yeah!" "Oh, my God!" "(Moaning continues)" "(Gun clicking)" "LUKE:" "I..." "I think it's probably time" "That we just get the hell out of here." "Yeah, no, yeah." "I'm totally down." "We can take her and..." "I mean, honestly," "I think the best idea is to just get out," "Go find Andrew and dude, I'm sorry," "But we're probably..." "We're going to have to drop her off." "Dude, the..." "I can't..." "I can't leave her." "John, John." "We're really fond of each other." "John." "Oh, thank you." "It makes no sense to bring her back with us." "What would you do with her?" "Where would you keep her?" "I don't know!" "I would..." "I would find a place for her." "John, John." "We would find a place!" "We belong in suburbia, dude." "I think she..." "She could really make it there, too." "She..." "look at her, John." "Look at her." "We could..." "She doesn't belong in suburbia." "We belong in suburbia." "*" "(Carnival music playing)" "*" "You lied to me!" "(Crying)" "You lied!" "Fuck!" "*" "(Car door squeaking)" "(Sighing)" "All right, it's time to go." "Here you go." "Just go for it." "Just leave and never come back, okay?" "Just leave me!" "She's so unhappy here." "This is, like, the worst environment to be in!" "I mean, would you want to be on a bench your entire life?" "LUKE:" "No, but I'm not a hobo." "We could put her behind the school." "We could put her behind the school," "And I could..." "I could just visit her every day," "And she'd be so much happier there, man." "I mean, she'd be in a gated community!" "It would be perfect!" "I mean, I guess she'd be safer." "Let's do it!" "Let's go!" "Let's go together, all right?" "We're gonna..." "We're gonna be like a family again, okay?" "And you're gonna..." "Come on!" "Hey!" "Are you sure she wants to go, dude?" "It's going to be great, all right?" "It's going to be great." "All right, here we go." "Are you sure she's, like, cool with this?" "Yeah!" "Dude, why don't we just put her in the actual car, okay?" "Like, next to me?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's a real human being." "Whoo!" "Okay." "Ah, okay!" "She's digging her flask into my nuts." "(Phone vibrating) It's Mindy." "Hey, Mindy, what's going on?" "John, what is wrong with your friend Andrew?" "Are you guys together right now?" "Andrew, he asked me to elope with him," "And I said no because today's our first date, you know?" "So, you want to go ice-skating now?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!" "Yeah?" "Yeah, definitely, we're going to go ice-skating." "'Cause you said earlier you wanted to, so..." "I like your skirt!" "Thank you!" "Yeah, you have a..." "It shows off your cute ass, so..." "Thank you." "That's good." "Do you want to elope with me?" "What?" "Do you want to elope with me?" "Like, do you want to run away" "From our whole lives and get married?" "No, not really." "We just met each other." "Well, we can get to know each other, like..." "When... when we're married." "Well, I..." "I..." "We can go to a..." "Andrew, this is our first date!" "We can work on this!" "But I don't think we should get married!" "We can go to a cabin." "You're kidding, right?" "I'm sorry." "Yeah." "Yeah, no, I'm..." "I'm just kidding." "I was kidding." "Okay, ha!" "Okay, Andrew?" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Uh, he's in a really weird place right now, Mindy." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, and I kept calling his name" "And he just wouldn't answer." "Okay, I don't know what's going on either," "And we're going to find him, okay?" "I love you!" "Uh, I love you too, John." "*" "Andrew?" "Andrew!" "I'm just enjoying a ride." "Just leave me alone, dude." "You're not part of my life anymore!" "Dude, let me..." "It's over!" "It's over between us." "Dude, you're going home, okay?" "It's over between us!" "What are you talking about?" "You're breaking up with me?" "Like you're fucking gay?" "I'm on my own path." "I have a new journey." "I'm going on a new journey." "Bullshit, I'm getting on this train with you." "We're going to talk this out, okay?" "I'm starting a new chapter in my life." "Look, we're going home, okay?" "What?" "I'm getting on this train." "I'm not going home, dude!" "I've given up my old life." "This is my new life now." "Andrew!" "This is my life now." "We're going home." "This is my life now." "What, this?" "Riding child trains?" "If you want to get on, now's your chance." "Give me six dollars." "Thank you." "Thanks." "I think this is it for me." "I think..." "What, riding trains for children?" "No, dude, like riding trains." "Like trains, that could be my new thing." "How is that..." "How is that a thing, trains?" "Be a conductor." "Dude, you're going through an existential crisis right now." "You're just jumping from thing to thing." "Catcher in the Rye, now trains." "None of these things are things to build a life from." "You think I'm a loser?" "No, I don't think you're a loser." "Think I'm a cry-baby?" "I didn't cry." "I never said you cried." "I don't care if you cry." "Good, 'cause I wasn't crying." "I didn't..." "I don't..." "I had something in my eye." "Dude, I don't fucking care." "Let's just go home." "This is not the life for us." "We are not cut out for this shit." "It was a good ride." "It was a good ride." "I don't know why you're so attached to this fucking train." "(Carousel music playing)" "*" "I'm sorry I was a dick." "That's cool, it's fine." "It's what friends do, you know?" "I think I'm going to quit smoking." "That's probably a good idea." "I'm really proud of you, man." "It'll be a long, hard road, though." "I hope not." "She looks pretty magical up there." "She really does." "Like an elf." "A beautiful elf." "Travelling in the land of the elves." "What?" "(Vomiting)" "(Sirens blaring)" "(Rap music playing)" "All right, yeah, okay!" "Never heard this song before!" "This is..." "This is street!" "Ha, ha!" "* Smoking crack" "* Boom, boom, tap, tap *" "* With my fucking cash" "* Bitch on the street, another cracker witness *" "Whoa!" "* I turn her into teach, she ain't messing with me *" "Shoot her there!" "* 12-inch dick and a Colt .45 *" "That's right!" "* What, bitch, I'm about to pile-drive *" "Yeah, pile-drive!" "(Laughing, singing off-key)" "* It's a hate crime, show whitey how it feels *" "What?" "Us?" "* And then I'll fuck your esophagus *" "* Swallow my fist" "* Flip you on your back and then I'll paper-cut your taint *" "Oh, fuck!" "I don't want that happening to anybody!" "* Boom boom, that's my gun *" "* I killed another fucking cop *" "Oh, whoa, okay!" "(Dog barking)" "Now!" "What do you mean, now?" "Go!" "No, no, we'll jaywalk." "Let's go!" "Let's go!" "Shit!" "(Grunting)" "Okay, yeah." "You're sure it's them?" "Yes, sir!" "I'll be right there." "Okay." "Fuck!" "We can do this." "Daddy's got the power!" "*" "Ugh!" "*" "Daddy has the power!" "(Phone ringing)" "(Whispering, indistinct)" "Uh, ahem, stop!" "Uh, Evan, get the lights." "Turn them off." "Everyone, underneath their desks immediately." "(Students murmuring)" "Get under, get down." "Quickly, get under." "All right, good." "Put your head down." "*" "Where are you?" "(Grunting)" "This bitch owes us our lives!" "God, she's so fucking heavy!" "Now, roll her down this hill." "Okay, great." "(Boys talking, indistinct)" "Here you go!" "Your brand-new home!" "You're going to love..." "Freeze!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Don't take anything out of that bag!" "It's a person." "(Shouting, gunshot)" "(Screaming)" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "He's gonna kill us!" "John, come on!" "You killed her!" "I killed who?" "I'll kill you!" "Argh!" "Stop running!" "I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry!" "(Indistinct shouting)" "Argh!" "(Shouting, grunting)" "No!" "Argh!" "(Taser buzzing)" "(Charlie screaming)" "Argh!" "Ah!" "(Sobbing)" "(Taser buzzing)" "(Crying)" "Oh, my God!" "* Got out from the car" "* Raped their wives right in front of them *" "(Phone vibrating)" "(Radio continues playing)" "* Caucasian blood running down their faces *" "(Phone continues vibrating)" "ANDREW:" "Hey, dude, I'm at John's house." "Um, he's still really beat up about the lady." "I'm thinking maybe we should say a few words." "Just get down here as fast as you can." "Uh, bring a poncho." "Hoods up, gang!" "(Clearing throat)" "JOHN:" "I really wish that this occasion was a happier one." "I wish this was a celebration rather than a mourning period." "But you know what, guys?" "I think that this is a celebration." "I think this is a celebration of a creature" "Whose light and generosity" "Has wormed her way into our hearts." "When we first went on this trip," "I thought that I was going to teach you guys something." "But I realize now that you two" "Have taught me some really important lessons." "LUKE:" "You know, in a lot of ways," "This trip didn't exactly turn out" "As I had thought that it was going to," "But in a lot of ways," "It turned out like exactly what I signed up for." "I mean, I had sex with a hooker, like it actually happened," "And let me tell you guys, it is... ooh!" "Sex turns out is exactly how I pretended it always would be." "ANDREW:" "I see this lady as a sacrifice." "Sacrifice for... for us, you know?" "She died for us," "So that we could experience everything" "That we experienced while we were on this trip." "You guys have your, you know, your problems," "And I know that." "But now, in the city," "I found my own problems that I can deal with." "I..." "I'll go ahead and say it." "I sucked dick for crack." "Okay?" "I did." "I sucked dick for rock." "And that's something I'm going to have to deal with, you know." "It's something I'm still dealing with." "I think about it a lot." "But I just wanted to thank you guys" "For giving me an experience..." "And showing me that, you know, maybe..." "Maybe there is no book" "That has all the answers in it, you know?" "Maybe there is no train you can take to where you belong." "'Cause you're just going to end up" "Back where you start, you know?" "Right here, home." "Take it, John." "* Amazing grace" "Here you go." "JOHN:" "* How sweet" "ALL:" "* The sound" "* That saved a wretch" "* Like me" "* Oh oh, like me" "* I once was lost" "(Andrew banging washtub)" "* But now I'm dead" "* Was blind" "* But now I see" "* I'm dead" "Free at last!" "Free at last!" "We are all free at last!" "* Praise God" "Do you want to go?" "Good funeral, good funeral." "* Praise God" "I'm not gonna..." "I'm done." "We're done." "We did that." "* Praise God" "The funeral's running a little long." "* Praise God" "Yeah, let's..." "* Praise God" "* Praise Go-o-d" "You just call us if you want to catch up." "* Praise God, praise God *" "(Gate slamming)" "* Praise God" "* Praise God" "WOMAN SINGING:" "* Amazing grace" "* How sweet the sound" "* That saved a wretch" "* Like me" "* I once was lost" "* But now I'm found" "* Was blind" "* But now I see" "* Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail *" "* And mortal life shall cease *" "* I shall possess within the veil *" "* A life of joy and peace" "* When we've been here 10,000 years *" "* Bright shining as the sun *" "* We've no less days to sing God's praise *" "* Than when we first begun *" "* Than when we first begun *"