"Portrait of a Champion portrait movie about Balczó András" "After the war they threw me into the water so that I'd learn how to swim." "That was a kind of habit around here." "That was almost 30 years ago." "I got far away from here, but" "I could not forget these waters." "Do you remember their names?" "This was the Little Ranger." "Behind you the Madis." "There in the corner the Horse Bath." "Right there the Mother and the Beach." "But one is not only remembering their names." "But also their touch and taste." "Their nature." "One is kind of attracted to these waters, but one also feels a rejection." "Those who grew up around here and tasted these waters are probably more stolid and determined than others." "One that comes from so low, takes a huge attempt to get to the top and may also reach further above." "He starts earlier and arrives earlier, like the town kids at school." "Those kids were already in the classroom at 7:30 AM." "The kids living near the school were always the last ones to arrive." "There was also an urge in me to get to the top." "I wouldn't call this a mission." "I'd rather call it audacity." "But my mission was not like those known from dramas." "It was more like the mission of a dog or a carrier pigeon." "Like the dog drives the sheep, or the dove flies in one direction." "It was like that with me and the pentathlon." "I gave myself to a higher Power, which led me into the direction of the pentathlon." "I am saying this, because I've never asked myself, why it is worth doing this." "Why it is worth putting so much effort and energy into this sport." "That has never occurred to me." "After the biggest exhaustion, I was feeling most balanced." "I was simply doing it." "That's it." "I saw a meaning to it." "As a boy I've already noticed that it is very hard to measure the accomplishment of people." "And this leads to injustice, mistakes and even tragedies." "Often a valuable performance remains without recognition." "And a worthless effort is praised by the society." "In other words: someone you would have to spit at, gets praised." "Another who deserves praise, however, is spat upon." "When I got to know the pentathlon, I hoped that through this sport" "I could achieve the measurement and evaluation of my actions." "If you look at the pentathlon like this, it becomes more than a sport and becomes a higher human activity." "We are talking about an issue." "Maybe it makes more sense, if I add that nowadays justice is much more important to me than winning." "Because one can live without victory, but one should not live in an unjust environment." "As a pentathlete your actions are measured using points." "There are no unmeasurable things." "And my sense of justice is not hurt when I lose." "I achieved this much, so this is what I deserve." "I don't know how others feel about it." "But I have very rarely observed this principle in real life." "Because of this, I was kind of fleeing into the pentathlon." "I didn't have any real opportunities." "After graduating from high school they didn't take me at the sports university." "I could have become an administrator." "I would have sorted files all day long." "I would have filled out forms all my life." "So I went to Csepel and became a roof cleaner." "But only to be closer to the pentathlon." "I think that swimming, running, fencing, shooting and horse riding were only means to seeing a deeper meaning to the human life." "That I should see." "When the air, at all can be described as meaning." "Without which one can't live." "I kind of believe that, the soul of every being is pushing it into a direction that enables it to live a more human life." "What I stutter here, Ady formulated as follows:" ""I wasn't walking in the storm, just because of the storm."" ""In the struggle I was looking for a fair reward for my honorable heart."" "And Balczó András starts." "At stake is the world championship of 1969." "Right now Kelemen Péter is passing the finish line with a great performance." "You can see Bakó Pál there too." "He gave everything." "And where is Balczó?" "He is already at the 3000 meters mark and his run is so powerful, that you could believe that there is nothing impossible for him." "Despite his biggest opponent Onishchenko is also fast on the last few meters and is showing a great performance." "The fans are running down the hill to the finish line, so that they can be right beside Balczó, who continues to fight to the front." "Only 500 meters left." "The heart of tens of thousands is beating with the one of Balczó." "And this affection is helping him so that he literally flies into the finish." "Great job Balczó, you did it!" "You've done it five times!" "The four-time gold medal winner Balczó András, fought his greatest battle here in Budapest." "Never before have so many visitors attended the contest like here in Hungary." "And in this tremendous battle" "Balczó András has defeated all his opponents." "These were five hard days." "But Balczó has proven himself every single day." "And has performed greatly in all five sports." "He positively influenced the two rookies in our team." "And the three Hungarian boys are happily celebrating on the podium." "The world champion in pentathlon 1969:" "Balczó András, Hungary." "Ferm, the winner of the Olympic Games, is congratulating, and" "Onishchenko is also kindly shaking hands." "And a historical event; the four-time world champion Novikov congratulates the five-time world champion." "At the top of the podium, the greatest pentathlete of all times:" "Balczó András." "What should I talk about?" "Maybe we can continue, where we left off the last time." "If I recall correctly, you were quoting Ady." "The poor Ady would turn over in his grave, if he knew, that I am messing him up with pentathlon." "Why?" "If you see it that way, there is room for it in the movie." "Tell us why we are at this very place." "In the sixties the last part of a world championship was held here, the running part." "The starting point was there." "The finish line a bit further." "And here on the hill there was a track that was 4000 meters long." "Was the last part of these championships always held here?" "Sometimes." "Sometimes it was here." "This time - next week on Wednesday - the running part of the Hungarian championship in pentathlon is going to take place here and there are a few hedges that are blocking the way." "I must cut those with my clipper so that one can pass." "So..." "Back to the world championship in the sixties." "As I was closing up to the finish line, it came to my attention that the people are running with me besides the track." "Yes, that was a famous moment." "For me that was very special." "Because I saw that a lot are running:" "men and women, young and old." "And that was very important to me." "Something became clear to me." "Back there I understood that I am not running for me." "Not for my victory." "I saw with my own eyes that how many people are happy when I win and how sad people can get when I lose." "And this moment..." "Gave a very special touch to my style of competing." "I absorbed this knowledge like the paper absorbs ink, and I could not let it go." "The knowledge that I am running for others became deeply ingrained in me." "I had thought about it earlier, but in that moment it became clear." "At that time I was reading." "Maybe from Ady." "That we Hungarians were born beaten and not as beaters." "And later I was trying to show that it does pay off to fight for something." "And sometimes you can even win." "It is clear that the sport is only just a kind of game." "And has no effect on history whatsoever." "But back then, this did not bother me." "The response of the people was stronger than the despair." "And this knowledge was very strong." "Like a knot in a tree." "Should I have ever had a talent for this sport, it was nothing more than this knowledge." "This helped me over the dead centers." "During the so-called critical loads." "And ..." "This laid responsibility upon me, but at the same time it gave me courage." "I have experienced it this way and to be honest I don't care if people are laughing at me for saying such things." "In high society it is common that this kind of consciousness is called a false consciousness." "But I believe ... there can be no outstanding performance without the audience." "To reach the goal, or to accept the competition, you need the will of many to succeed." "And those that must perform, should feel this." "Without this feeling one would already give up at the first obstacle." "I was a happy competitor, because this feeling of common ground was getting stronger and stronger in me." "And when I was winning, it became more and more difficult to tell who won." "The audience that was cheering for me or myself." "Whether they won through me, or I won through them." "I believe that it is not possible to reach a certain state of mind in which you are feeling no more fear, if you can't feel this entanglement." "Victory is a desire." "To be more specific, victory is a frantic desire." "And it is replaced by happiness and openness." "As if one would embrace all the people." "And everything runs smoothly." "In this state, you are no longer angry with the so-called opponents." "Surely you've observed weightlifters." "Some of them are angry with the weight." "Snarl at it like a wild animal at the other." "And in this state, that I am talking about, in this state of devotion, there is no such thing." "If there is any anger left, it is directed solely against one's own weakness and fear." "One respects the enemy, one even loves them." "Especially those that are also not running for themselves." "This opinion, which in recent years has formed in me over the Indians, is interesting." "I thought that, if" "I could choose the winner and I could not be the winner myself and the Indians had a pentathlete, I would choose him." "One must know that these people have been beaten and slaughtered and their destiny was so gruesome, that a victory against them would not have been a good feeling." "I've never felt inhibited like this when facing other competitors." "But this obviously has no personal reasons, but rather historical ones." "Specifically, the reason is no other then our history." "Now your hair stands on end, because after mixing up the pentathlon with poetry, I now also added history." "Am I right?" "Until the finals, we have overcome several hours." "And the history of pentathlon repeated itself in Munich." "The unforgettable Balczó - Onishchenko duel from 1969." "Balczó needs to finish his run 28 seconds faster." "This is a heavy task, but nothing is impossible for him." "Balczó begins to overtake." "Come on András!" "In the last straight, he arrives with huge steps in a beautiful running style." "He still has strength in the curves." "Only 80 meters left." "Not more." "Come on András!" "Come on, come on." "This is an outstanding run." "This is an outstanding run." "I am sure this is going to be a great time." "Only 10 meters my András!" "Come on!" "One, two and now he did it." "We are celebrating, that our boy, the pentathlon world champion, has won the Olympic Games." "Olympic Champion:" "Balczó András!" "They are throwing him up into the air." "Hopefully they will not drop him." "Balczó András becomes Olympic Champion with 5412 points." "Should I take these with me?" "Look, there is the house." "You can only see the roof from here." "And ..." "After returning home from Munich, I heard several stories from friends, that the whole country was sitting in front of the TV set to see the games." "They called me from several places to give experience reports." "I was traveling across the country." "I met a lot of people." "We were talking about a lot of things." "About the pentathlon, sports, the Olympic Games." "Everything, but politics, because, I don't understand that." "My tour across the country took about two months." "And the feeling that I was not running for myself, was confirmed from day to day." "I could tell from looking at these people, that a lot of them were running with me." "And what stories did you hear about people cheering for you?" "There were people jumping around in joy." "Some people were crying." "Strangers hugged each other." "In a hospital the patients and doctors hugged each other." "On a train to Nyíregyháza all the passengers got drunk." "I also heard about a company, in which the production stood still during the broadcasting and as the boss approached the workers, they locked him up." "And he was only released after the national anthem." "I am not sure how history can get mixed into the whole cheering." "But it seems clear, that somehow it is present." "After all these things, I was concerned about what the hell I should do to meet the expectations." "If I really made the people believe, that there are things worth fighting for and winning is possible, then I am not allowed at all to destroy this belief." "Meaning, whether I should continue competing or not." "Maybe this sounds funny now, but back then I really took this question seriously." "And I decided, that" "I will disappear for 40 days, in order to think it all over." "So that I can decide about my fate." "I took four books with me." "The holy bible, the poems of József Attila, the 40 preachers, and a diary, that I've used to store my important experiences and thoughts." "So this was that house." "It consists of one room." "You can find a bed, a table, chairs and an oven in here." "I was sitting here every night writing into my diary." "First I was taking stock." "I was writing down how I had been living until then." "Usually I was getting up at 6 AM." "Then I was running 5 kilometers on the Margit Island." "Because I was living in the indoor swimming pool on the island." "In a room with one or two other people." "After breakfast I trained shooting and horse riding." "At the end of the morning, swimming and running." "Lunch." "In the afternoon I was fencing until dark." "I was going to sleep at 9 or 10 PM." "And it was starting all over again on the next day." "I was living like this for eleven months in a year." "I wasn't home for weeks." "Because I also had an apartment." "But that one was so empty." "There was a bed and a record player in there." "It was as lonely as a crypt." "So I was rather living in the indoor swimming pool than in the crypt." "I didn't really have a life besides the pentathlon." "Visitors and friends were rare." "But they would have been coming in vain, because as I said," "I was only living for the pentathlon during the whole day." "You need time to make friends and get in touch with people." "The will alone is not enough." "The training is hard work." "There is no room in it for talking." "You can't talk while you are asleep either." "Should I have had a bit of spare time," "I couldn't just conjure up a friend." "Time-intensive relationships with women were out of the question." "I went to the cinema from time to time, but ..." "I only came in closer contact with music and books." "Every time I met with Vivaldi or József Attila, we could continue exactly where we left off." "Even if I neglected them for one or two months, they always waited for me, and sounded the same." "The pentathlon asks for a clear mind." "There were years in which I didn't drink a single cup of coffee, not to endanger my marriage with the pentathlon." "Even if I drink a coffee nowadays, let's say at daytime at your home," "I can't get to sleep at night and I have to watch the ceiling." "But let's get back to my responsibility that became disastrous after Munich." "I couldn't get out more of the 24 hours of a day." "One must eat and sleep." "Another approach was, to intensify the training sessions." "I tried a lot of things." "Like this lead vest." "Which you wanted to see." "So I got myself this lead vest." "These lead pieces weight half a kilogram." "There are 20 pieces in there." "I wore this vest." "But the problem was that the lead pieces kept hitting my kidneys." "After a few training sessions blood appeared in my urine." "So I couldn't continue wearing this vest." "Unfortunately, because it would have been of great help." "I also tried this gaiter." "One of them weights half a kilogram." "I put them around my leg." "And ..." "Unfortunately they were rubbing my legs." "I tried to dress these wounds, but they were always hurt." "So it didn't work out." "But the biggest problem was, that I was already 34 years old, and my endurance was deteriorating." "I was sitting here near the flat." "Or inside." "And I was thinking." "What should I do?" "End it?" "Continue?" "Should I stay here in Hungary or should I leave for Canada?" "Because at that time ..." "I was offered jobs with a high salary in Canada, compared to the opportunities I was offered here at home." "It was like two war planes flying towards each other and ... the one losing his head is pulling the yoke and is then shot by the other one." "And the one keeping his nerves stays alive." "In this case, I was both of these planes." "This one and this one also." "I was flying towards myself." "And the question was, when I will be losing my nerves." "Something was telling me that one should bow out on a high note." "I am not allowed to destroy what I have achieved so far." "I am not allowed to disappoint the people." "If I made them believe that it is possible to win." "Then I must resolve my fall myself and not in the public." "I didn't want to be an elephant with a broken tusk." "But not because of me." "Really not because of myself." "I was only concerned about whether I have done everything in my power." "The victory was of no importance." "But I also knew that victories are more important to the people than steadfastness." "Sometimes I was also thinking ..." "I am playing blackjack and I won the jackpot at the Olympic Games." "It wouldn't be fair to leave after such a huge profit." "I must give my opponents a chance to win back all the money." "These kind of thoughts were running through my mind." "Pro and contra." "But I knew that I had to make a decision." "Those two planes can't fly towards each other forever." "I must make the decision." "Because I will collapse otherwise." "I was kind of worried that I will be losing the measurability in my life." "The fair assessment of my actions." "Which was the main reason why I became a pentathlete." "And what was coming up next?" "What kind of state?" "And as I was thinking all these things over, I noticed that this decision was harder to make than the pentathlon itself." "I must choose the more difficult option, because otherwise I am a coward." "I thought maybe I can live my life just like all the other people." "Maybe I become happy." "Why not?" "Since there are only two things I can't cope with." "If they despise me." "Or if they look up to me." "Back then I was also dreaming about a family and love." "And I was really yearning for other people in my life." "But enough of that." "The important thing is, that ..." "I decided to give up competing and that" "I will be staying here in Hungary." "And I remember reading "The 40 preachers"" "sitting near this lamp that night." "There is a scene in this book." "In which a Dutch admiral wants to rescue the" "last 25 preachers that made it through alive from the galley." "And one of the captives says that ..." ""We must not accept this rescue."" "Because otherwise they would betray their mission." "The others are trying to convince him that he will be able to follow his belief after the rescue." "But he is sticking to his guns." "He stays on the ship." "And after his death ..." "Because he would not kneel down in front of the ship's captain." "They find a small tin can on him containing a piece of paper." "And his leading principle is written on it." "Which says: "I fought the honest battle." "I finished my run." "I kept my belief."" "And as I was reading these lines." "Maybe because I understood the meaning of this perfect steadfastness." "Which doesn't even shy at death itself." "I began to cry." "Maybe I was also bemoaning the loss of my previous lifestyle." "I don't know." "I didn't wait for 40 days." "The next day I went out meeting other people." "I met lumberjacks at the other side of the mountain." "They were sitting near a fire and having breakfast." "As I approached them, I didn't have to explain anything, they accepted me right away." "I am still visiting them from time to time." "Those are strong guys." "With distinctive faces." "We were talking about a lot of things." "From logging to the world war." "But not about the pentathlon." "This may sound strange." "I felt very welcome." "At the same day I came down from the mountain." "This is not a great story." "But it is in my life." "I didn't use to cry, but that night the tears were sputtering from my eyes." "That's how I know." "After you decided that you are going to retire and as you announced it, they surely saw you off." "What happened next?" "I announced it, but there was no proper good bye." "What do you mean?" "As I said." "I was expecting that the federation would see me off." "But that still has not happened yet." "Although that was already 3 years ago." "And I know that they even see football players from the third league off." "The team meets up in a beer garden." "The trainer tells you that you've been good and that you were always hitting the ball and the opponents hardly." "You were a useful player." "They pat you on the back." "They did not grant me this." "I don't know why." "I think, I must have been doing something right." "I don't know." "You mentioned that you received several offers from abroad." "What kind of offers were these?" "They called me from Canada, Italy and the USA." "To be a trainer." "But I told myself that I won't be going to join the rich and give them private lessons." "Because the people that were running with me and for whom I was running, would abandon me." "That was my pride." "Whether it is my mischief or not." "I can't tell." "You can leave a lot of things behind." "The pentathlon, your wife, but not your homeland." "I couldn't do that." "That was out of the question." "I could not do that." "Bandi." "What are you doing here?" "What I am doing here?" "I am eating a bream." "There is a tournament here today, that is organized by" "Csepel." "I am the technical manager at Csepel." "At the pentathlon section." "That's why I have work to do around here today." "Today for example ..." "I am picking up the obstacles and putting them back." "For an outsider like me it is a bit strange to see you doing such a job." "You mean "cleaning up"?" "Well, yes." "What I mean is that you have been one of the most successful athletes all around the world, not just in Hungary." "And this work that they assigned you with, seems like humiliation." "That is in the eye of the beholder." "After I had given up competing this was the best opportunity I had." "At least I am somewhere." "And not someplace;" "I am near the pentathlon." "And today this is a happy occasion." "Hence you need to search for the bad relation somewhere else." "And where?" "Somewhere else." "Then let's look at this other place." "What I want to know about, is your current relation to the pentathlon." "There's no such thing." "My relation is that I do not have a relation." "What do you mean?" "Should I tell you?" "You know it better than I do." "These things." "Please try to explain it." "What does this mean?" "What can you tell about something that isn't?" "And besides ..." "Everything I would tell you now, would sound as a complaint." "Today I have the opportunity to be near a competition and" "I don't want people to think that I am complaining." "I don't want you to complain." "Really." "Try to describe it." "I ask you to describe this situation using an analogy." "Wait." "Is the camera already recording?" "Just tell us what you have to say." "We are recording it." "So, an analogy." "I feel like a fish out of water." "Or I am swimming like a cork in the water." "Or ..." "If I am swimming, let me be a bottle rather than a cork." "A bottle with a message in it." "Perhaps an important message." "The bottle arrives or not." "You don't know." "And what is this message?" "Well, my 20 years in the pentathlon." "The rich experiences, losses, insights." "To be more specific ..." "It's not that much." "Because you can tell the most important thing in one phrase." "The most important thing is:" "Justice above everything." "If necessary against everybody and everything." "And if someone is violating this basic law regarding the pentathlon, then I am telling him" "my opinion." "If you would be doing this like that, then it would be just." "And?" "And nothing." "In here, out here." "Or ..." "In here, out here." "There are only these two possibilities." "And they believe I am crazy." "And they are always the majority." "It's strange that when they think I am crazy, I am not feeling bad." "Just ..." "I rather feel a bit honored." "But I am worried about the pentathlon." "Listen up!" "I once had a manager." "And we had an argument, and I told him, if you turn around I'm not going to kiss your ass, but I am going to give you a kick up the ass." "You have to talk to them like this." "Don't let them get you down." "Last time the federation was discussing the rules for the selection of the national team." "There were some ideas." "My idea was as follows ..." "The athletes with the best performances should be in the national team." "They should organize three events and every candidate should participate." "At the end the points are summed up." "The best three are chosen for the national team." "The fourth is a replacement." "The others stay home." "This is clear, simple and fair." "Do you know how they were looking at me?" "As if I was a Martian." "They sad that this would render the team captain unnecessary." "We could simply call someone from the streets to sum up the points." "And what about the other factors?" "They asked me." "Longtime planning, subjective assessment and trust." "I must tell you that my hair stands on end hearing these factors." "What can be more important than the fair assessment of a performance?" "Then there was a voting." "The result was 9 to 1." "There was one abstention." "I was very happy about that abstention." "Because it made me believe that I am not all that crazy." "After this ..." "They were putting together the national team for Montreal." "There were two candidates for one position." "I told them that the one that defeated the other one more times, is the one to go." "They told me that one of them" "has defeated the other one three times this year." "I said he is the one to fly." "What do you think they did?" "They sent the one that lost three times." "I asked them how this can be happening?" "And the captain enlightened me:" "Those three victories were not convincing enough." "And I asked him:" "How many times should he defeat him at three competitions?" "He cannot defeat him four times." "And I started repeating my basic law." "I said:" "What you are doing here is very damaging." "This injustice is bad for the one that is flying despite his losses and it is bad for the one that has to stay home despite his victories." "And it is most damaging for all the young athletes who see this." "There was another voting." "But this time I was no longer alone." "Another person agreed with me." "That comforted me a bit." "After the voting the secretary told me that the decision is the decision of the federation and thus every member must agree with it." "But hold on for a second." "I think that such a pomposity is dangerous." "If somebody votes against my opinion that does not mean that my opinion has changed." "If somebody on the street asked for my opinion" "I couldn't simply lie to that person." "Moreover we are not talking about a secret weapon or something." "Which you can't talk about without endangering your homeland." "I am always telling them my opinion in such cases." "But they are not listening." "It is not enough to simply talk about justice." "You somehow need to enforce it." "To achieve this you need a situation that doesn't exist." "If I have a weapon then it is easy to go hunting." "As long as I have no weapon I can only whistle at the rabbit." "If I have a weapon I can shoot the rabbit in the butt." "I am right, aren't I?" "I hope you are not already recording this." "Yes, we are recording." "No problem." "Then you are going to cut the rabbit's butt out." "Please try to explain the reason for this situation." "The truth is that I had no trainer while I was competing." "I trained alone." "I was my own trainer." "And because of this there were some offended experts around me." "I loved to learn from those from whom I could learn something." "Like Tóth Béla, my horse riding teacher for instance." "Or my fencing masters." "But I tried to stay away from all the people that I could not respect." "I made myself independent." "My goal was to do anything possible for the pentathlon." "I needed to harm the vanity of several people for that." "The more curious an idea was the more offended the person was when I ignored it." "I was training myself." "I could not expect anybody to stay with me the whole day long." "Because of this the people had no chance to affect me." "This was working quite well as long as I was winning the world championships." "My results were protecting me." "The offended people were also leaving me alone, because this was in their interest." "It is different now." "Things have changed." "The leaders of this sport are looking at me like a rival now." "And this is connecting them." "I learned that the less a person is humanly and technically qualified for a leading role the more fanatically he or she is clinging to that role." "Unprincipled agreements are made." "Basically the main principle is:" "If you believe my lies, then you believe my lies." "No wait." "I am so ..." "Let me try again." "If you believe what I am lying then I am going to believe your lies." "And so our friendship is unbreakable." "And I also noticed that ... such agreements can connect people in the same way the call for justice can." "This mob spirit is beginning to infiltrate the pentathlon." "And if you can't reverse this process there will be no progress." "You must not forget that a pack of dogs are willing to attack a tiger." "This comparison might be too harsh." "It is not too harsh." "Listen." "I've seen a movie in which jackals were attacking a lion." "How could this be too harsh?" "They are pushing you aside if you let them." "I think the comparison is harsh." "It is possible that the silent people have now been encouraged." "They have become my enemies." "They are not hurting me." "What they want is that I stay out of their way." "I am condemned to do nothing." "But this is somehow even worse than if they would be hurting me." "I am feeling useless." "They want me to feel useless." "And this is very bad." "Csóri Sándor once wrote:" ""I have become morally unemployed."" "It is like when the airstrip is befogged." "You can't take off and you can't land." "This is like that." "This situation might seem comfortable from the outside but this is not what I am aspiring." "Just as a fish is used to the high pressure underwater, I got used to the fair competition in the last 20 years." "And this shallow water is killing my gills." "I am not sure whether you understand what I am trying to say." "But it is hard to find words to describe this situation properly." "Because one can only manage things through actions." "Things become visible through actions." "They only become recognizable through actions." "It is difficult to keep a clear mind in this current state of void." "And one tries to stick by his principles with all his strength." "This seems to be the only anchor." "While I was participating at the tournaments, I often recalled a phrase from József Attila:" ""My leader is leading me from the inside"" "And this thought is deeply within me." "Just like a telephone number." "This is no coincidence." "If a person gets into such an obscure situation then one is afraid to lose his color." "One is afraid to change." "Currently I am at a place in which certain rules are more important than the truth." "And obviously ambiguity and indulgence have afflicted me." "And I am looking for anchors and powers that might help." "The things that I had found in the pentathlon." "But nowadays I only seem to find these in the holy bible." "But let's not get into that, because it is very difficult to talk about it." "I must drink a bottle of beer, because the bream wants to swim." "Master ..." "To your health!" "I swear to god." "Your words are very close to my heart." "We were talking about the bible." "Please tell us how you came in contact with the bible and its thoughts." "It's a fact that the further away I got from what I've been doing the more back-breaking got the feeling of uselessness." "And the more I've been paging through the bible." "And I found good advice and beautiful thoughts in it." "I learned the patience and the pursuit of peace from the bible for example." "Without these I would have been blaming myself much more." "After I stopped competing," "I am sure that it would have been much more difficult if" "I hadn't learned from the bible that one source of joy is the pursuit of justice." "Even if you sometimes have to suffer for it." "But I could come up with these thoughts all day long." "There are so many beautiful thoughts in the bible." "But this has less to do with the pentathlon." "And it is a different question how powers and other religions tried to steal these thoughts from the bible." "But that is another story." "Perhaps my thoughts are only beautiful as long as they don't turn into power." "Should I be returning to the pentathlon, I would have to pay attention to this." "And stop right as the first big carelessness arises." "Which part of the bible influenced you the most?" "Which parts are these?" "Many." "I would say all of them." "But I would still like to know if there are any parts of the bible that stuck in your head as much as a phrase from Ady or József Attila did." "Apostle Paulus says for instance:" ""You didn't receive the soul of fear, but the soul of strength, love and soberness."" "Or Apostle Paulus also says:" ""They are choking me from all around but they can't destroy me."" ""We are living in uncertain times, but we are not in despair."" ""We are being chased, but we are never abandoned."" ""They push us to the ground, but we never fade away."" "Hemingway put this as follows:" ""A man can be destroyed but not defeated."" "He is right." "Well spoken." "Let's get back to the pentathlon." "As I was talking about the wrong relation in the beginning, you avoided that question." "I'm asking you again." "Do you really think that this work you are doing here today in Visegrád is something for you?" "Forgive me when I just can't understand this." "So you are asking me why I am drudging at this place after so many victories." "You see, this was a very careless question." "I know that a lot of people think that I am the professor of the pentathlon." "I should teach the pentathletes to ..." "Or ..." "I should tell them about the difficulties and the call of this sport." "But what I can do the best has nothing to do with learning." "It is a question of commitment." "Or even more." "It is about devotion." "And I believe that this is what is really missing nowadays." "They are doing everything but plunging into work with humility." "And I am doing this, because I want the athletes to see, that I haven't lost my devotion towards this sport." "I am sure that not everybody is going to understand this at once." "It is enough if I infect one athlete with this devotion." "The rest is going to resolve itself." "I think that the Hungarian pentathlon is desperately in need for this." "This is of highest importance." "That's why I like doing this." "But you shouldn't confuse devotion with humiliation." "I am not up for that." "I am especially paying attention that the people which want to harm me, don't see my devotion as humiliation." "Believe me." "I've been thinking about this for a very long time." "There is no other way." "I must reach their conscience." "It will work out." "I really have to go now." "Please don't be angry." "I must get back to the tournament." "Inside on the second floor my wife is in agonizing pain." "It is interesting that ever since I've got here" "I can't stop thinking about the way home to Nyíregyháza about two weeks ago." "There was a man and a woman at the side of the road walking to Szerencs." "They both wore black." "They were mourning." "The man was walking behind and was pushing a bicycle." "All the way to Szerencs, which was the nearest place they could go to." "There were no crossroads." "They had 2 to 3 kilometers to go." "And then it came to my mind ..." "I can't clearly say what it was that came to my mind." "But that ... what a great amount of coexistence it is when two people" "are bonding their lives." "In a marriage." "What you have to go through." "And I did not realize that in about half an hour or two hours or eight hours I am going to be a father." "The whole thing wasn't clear yet." "The very important moments are only slowly realized by the human brain." "I remember it being the same as my father died." "I received the message and yes ..." "Kind of ... understood." "Kind of ..." "But somehow ..." "Not really ..." "I could not fully handle it." "You need some time to fully understand what is happening." "And I wasn't ready then." "I am sure that Monika is way ahead of me, because women are aware of motherhood." "The demand for a kid is stronger as it is for the husband." "They are more bound to the demand of a family and a child than men are." "Or husbands are." "Perhaps in half an hour I am going to know whether we have a healthy kid." "A boy or a girl." "If Monika is alright." "If she made it through well." "And it was interesting ..." "Before she went into the delivery room, she had come to the end of the hallway." "At the end of the hallway that she, according to the doctor, was not allowed to leave." "I was not allowed to go in." "Her face seemed possessed by a ghost." "I have a feeling that this is going to be a rebirth." "Something new." "And I would really like this rebirth, if there is a possibility to start something over again." "More precisely to start something new." "Throw away everything that has happened so far and start all over." "Wouldn't you be sad to lose all your memories?" "No." "Perhaps not." "You can't erase the 38 years of my life just like that." "But I always wanted to get reborn somehow." "I don't know why." "The desire was always there." "But my courage for it was too weak." "I am not sure if such a rebirth depends on whether someone is actually craving for it or not." "I have a feeling that the child won't give me the final meaning to my life." "I've seen a lot of people that have one or more children, but still don't see a meaning in their life." "So I am not expecting the final solution from this." "What are you expecting the solution from?" "That the holy father is going to arrange things in a way that makes me understand them." "I feel kind of weak to achieve this order myself." "Stop joking, Bandi." "You of all people would give up after you got used to fair challenges?" "Of course I have to do everything that is in my power." "I feel that I have to make that effort." "But if it is going to be a boy, I am not going to encourage him to become a pentathlete." "Every boy wants to outperform his father." "And that would surely mean a long struggle for him." "If it is going to be a girl then I will raise her like her mother." "Balczó Márton now talk to your father." "Talk to your daddy." "Who does he look like?" "His father." "Márton." "Marci." "I like this town, because the flats are white around here." "But the country as a whole has adopted a terrible color." "For me at least." "But I may feel at home in this house." "First I wanted to buy an abandoned farm in the Hungarian lowlands." "But somehow I wound up here." "Maybe the reason is that my father's house looked alike." "In the end it is important where one is spending the rest of his life." "If it is going to get unbearable for me in Budapest, I am going to move here." "I am more relaxed around here." "I bought these tools from a carpenter for 1300 Forint." "Currently I am working on a cradle." "This work is revitalizing my life." "One is putting together something useful from a bunch of boards." "A cradle, a table, a bench." "Whatever you are up to." "This is a serious matter." "The most serious." "Isn't it?" "Look around." "This is no status symbol." "This is a real shelter." "We created everything on our own." "My mother, my sister, my wife and I." "The whitening, the construction and a lot of things." "We have a nice cole-burning stove." "I collected the tiles one by one in Somogy and from dusty attics in Zala." "There is everything:" "bed, fireplace, table, chair, carpet." "There is even a well in the garden." "In a word: one can really live here." "I, for one have faith in these white walls." "Despite that the people living here fled." "And it looks like that I am fleeing here." "They are looking for a solution to their issues in the city." "I do so around here." "The truth is that we would really like to have some children." "So that it is worth working for someone." "The kids would probably love the garden and the horse that is soon going to be in the barn." "Let us get back to the pentathlon." "What would you do if they appointed you the captain of the association?" "If they asked you and appointed you tomorrow for instance." "The appointment is not that simple." "I have clear demands." "Everyone knows that." "I told it on television." "In front of the whole world." "As long as they don't meet these demands, I can't accept a leading position." "What I said, I said in the interest of the Hungarian pentathlon." "I must not withdraw it." "I know the current situation of the sport very well." "And I understand it well enough that I can make a crucial argument." "About the current situation." "I can see that the sport is declining ever since the seventies." "Even if I still won the Olympic Games in 1972." "There was enough power left in my legs." "There was enough left from the sixties." "Everybody without a glaucoma can see that this development is not a coincidence but a result of the atmosphere surrounding the sport." "The word atmosphere isn't meant meteorologically but morally." "Besides the sins of the leadership I am talking about the complex social processes that effect an effort." "In the past the architect had to stand below the bridge as they were performing the static load test." "If the bridge collapsed the architect wasn't spared either." "This is not the case in the Hungarian pentathlon now." "Sadly." "All those that would need to stand below it, are not willing to do so." "The bridge is already starting to collapse but everybody is still acting like nothing is happening." "I think that such a behavior is a greater curse than the collapse of the bridge itself." "And I can't be so silly to run under the bridge instead of those that are destroying this sport." "All rubble would land upon me." "It wouldn't only crush me to death but they would say that I am responsible." "Unfortunately being far away from this situation" "I am still feeling uneasy." "Because I feel that I could help." "Those two airplanes are within me again." "I would like to go but also stay." "But I don't want to talk about this any longer, but about something else." "It's a huge problem that the pentathlon only concerns a small group of people." "Somehow this handicap needs to be turned into an advantage." "Because it only concerns a few people, it should be easier to find and motivate the talented young athletes." "One could experiment with small risk." "Alibis are made up all over the world." "You can't introduce the fair assessment at once, because you would have to replace so many people that the entire system would stand still." "But one could try to introduce it within the pentathlon and find out what people are capable of when their actions are fairly assessed." "One could clearly see the connection between justice and achievement." "Everybody would benefit from such an undertaking." "Because an athlete can also be harmed mentally and not only physically during a competition." "The unjust decisions are harming his sense of justice and his achievements are affected." "He may grin and bear it for a while." "But sooner or later he is going to get tired." "There is a lot of energy wasted in the Hungarian pentathlon today." "These wounds are lasting." "You can't heal them with bonuses and discounts." "You have to clean the atmosphere." "Establish justice." "Only this can help." "Nothing else." "Imagine the effect of me standing in front of all the people and declaring the entire country, that ..." "Attention, please." "We don't care what the weather is like in the world." "In the new Hungarian pentathlon the air is going to be clean." "Nobody will be deceived." "Nobody will be humiliated." "Nobody will be praised without reason." "There will be no secrets." "Everybody is going to take credit for their achievement." "And if somebody deserves trust because of his actions, he will get freedom." "I think this would encourage many good young people to join the pentathlon." "And all the people with ulterior motives would disappear from their side." "It would mean rank to be a pentathlete." "As it is a rank being a poet among all the scribblers." "Or being more human among humans." "If a pentathlete entered a tournament with this attitude his power would multiply." "And I believe that he could also work wonders." "Just as a revolutionist or a patriotic soldier is capable of much more than a mercenary." "People would know that they must cheer differently for the pentathlon." "Because they are not looking at people that will do everything for money." "Those people went into business as innkeepers or ice-cream sellers." "But those that became pentathletes have their heart at the right place." "I told this to a man that is in contact with the pentathlon." "And he asked me how it should be possible to partly introduce a left-hand rule within a country where everybody is used to the right-hand rule." "This is a funny but a deeply cynical answer." "I told him that only those are talking like this that have no faith left." "Because in order to expect full devotion from a young man one must ensure that he is seeing a meaning in his devotion." "Otherwise only fanatics like me are going to become pentathletes." "I really respect all the fanatics, but I also know that the sport can't rely solely on them." "Back when I began participating at tournaments" "I could only dream about traveling if I became a top athlete." "You may still be successful with this strategy today." "If the country would limit the liberty of motion and sight." "Giving certain possibilities only to the athletes." "You can be sure that all the young talents would flee into the sports." "There would be 16 Olympic medals again." "Just like in Helsinki." "But that would be a dirty trick." "Abuse." "Of the human rights and desires." "The demand for freedom." "If I keep pushing a kid under water until it is willing to swim from dawn to dusk, it is going to do it!" "It is going to swim as long as possible." "It is going to give its soul." "So ..." "These negative things, limits, the deprivation of freedom are an assassination." "Against the spirit of the people and against the spirit of the sport." "So you need to stick to the activation of the positive powers." "And here we are again talking about the clean atmosphere, justice, the objective assessment of an effort and the formation of a community spirit." "Because that is worth a chapter on its own." "In pentathlon the interest of the team is equal to the individual's interest." "It would be possible to form a healthy community." "And I believe that it is not only about the financial matter." "The youngster is not thinking about money as he is deciding between the pentathlon or using his energy to learn five languages instead." "Otherwise he would be selling pancakes instead of learning or running the entire day." "I claim that it has a moral goal." "Life should have a meaning." "You once said that it is not possible to make history with the pentathlon." "Does this disturb you?" "The pentathlon seems to be like a fir tree in the forest." "It doesn't seem to have a use." "But as they were cutting down a row of fir trees in Tihany a few years ago the whole country felt sorry." "And they did even more as it turned out they wouldn't have to widen the road." "And they were cut out for nothing." "It is the same thing with the pentathlon." "If they destroyed it, it would be missing." "It would hurt." "What I was trying to ask is that don't you think, you should have put all the energy you put into the pentathlon rather in another matter that would have enabled you to make history." "Where there is an opportunity to do something for the community." "You don't think that the moral unemployment wouldn't haunt me if I had become a revolutionary or a preacher, do you?" "No, not exactly." "I am not that blind not to see the danger." "Well then?" "You said that you needed a sensible fight in your life." "And I was thinking that maybe you should look for it somewhere else and not in the sport." "At least not in the unreasonable competitions that you call sport and the propaganda machinery is trying to segregate." "The pentathlon that I am trying to talk about is not like this." "It can give a meaning." "It would bring up sportsmen that by accepting the challenges and by their behavior, could even be an example for people outside the sport." "Athletes that become the fundament." "That you can build upon." "We need these kind of people." "Because you can't segregate them." "By the way, as I've been following your way in the movie business it doesn't look like a place where you can make history either." "It is not easy." "It isn't easy anywhere." "But we shouldn't wonder about it, because other things were happening to us in 1956, besides graduating." "But?" "But." "We were decimated." "We suddenly understood that it is very hard to find in the world what you are really looking for." "This clean path." "Because there are no road signs." "And you are shot at from here and there." "Just look at the destiny of those that we were growing up with." "Who made it?" "Which one of them can tell with clear conscience that he finished his run and kept his belief?" "It is not a coincidence that we are shooting this movie about you." "Because on the road that we all once started on you made it the furthest." "But as I am listening to you, it is not only this wall clock that is rumbling in my head, but also the destiny of those whose actions weren't measurable." "To all the others." "Or the millions or tens of millions who didn't have this luxury." "Because it is very hard to get this measurability and the result of it from the world itself." "They aren't saying it for nothing that this is all like a boat on the open sea." "What does that mean?" "It does not matter how many people can get out." "But don't you think that I am feeling low." "I inherited another attitude." "However there was an ancestor of mine that run against the door handle with his head twice." "That's how he committed suicide." "But I don't feel like doing that." "In addition there is forest around and the garden is also big enough." "The world does not end at the door handle." "You can keep an animal back here." "This and that." "If the war is to come, you can dig up wood from the forest." "If there is going to be war, there is no way around the forest." "You mentioned that you would like to keep a horse." "What would you do with it?" "A lot of things." "I would sit on it." "Ride everywhere." "To Csákvár for instance." "Why to Csákvár?" "Because it is the nearest place." "Would you ride home to the Bujtos?" "Maybe I will go home someday." "I would surely look great." "Riding through the country." "On a horse across the Danube and the Tisza." "All away home." "We are going to shoot the end of the movie next time." "We wish you all the best, Bandi." "All the best for you too." "You know there is an engraving next to the Dózsa altar of Kondor Béla." "It is portraying Dózsa too." "Lately it is very hard for me not to think about this image." "Look at the movement of Dózsa." "It seems to be the penultimate moment." "Maybe we are only in Cegléd , but you can already see the shadow of the crown." "And Dózsa won't croak." "Do you see?" "He just won't." "And I feel that this penultimate moment is more thrilling than the last." "When he has to give up and surrender to the flames." "I wanted you to record this image, because it contains everything." "And what are you doing lately?" "I have my employment record in my pocket." "And I am looking for a work that fits me." "That makes me happy." "I read in the newspaper that they announced the new national coach." "Yes, I know." "I read it too." "Why didn't you take that job?" "They didn't even ask me." "What?" "As I said." "They did not even ask me."