"(Hands clapping)" "¶ Oh, you ¶ ¶ You ¶" "¶ With those tongue and lips ¶" "¶ Let me taste ¶" "¶ Your bitter kiss ¶" "¶ Oh, you ¶ ¶ You ¶" "¶ With those seasoned eyes ¶" "¶ Let me walk ¶" "¶ Inside your smile ¶" "¶ All my nerves are tearing me down ¶" "¶ Won't you just come over here and take away this frown ¶" "¶ 'Cause I can't sleep ¶ ¶ Tight ¶" "¶ I don't see ¶ ¶ Right ¶" "¶ I won't feel ¶ ¶ Right ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶ ¶ Mine ¶" "¶ I can't sleep ¶ ¶ Tight ¶" "¶ I don't see ¶ ¶ Right ¶" "¶ I won't feel ¶ ¶ Right ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶ ¶ Mine ¶" "¶ Oh, you ¶ ¶ You ¶" "¶ Just walk away ¶ ¶ Walk away ¶" "¶ Before I break down and cave ¶" "¶ Oh, you ¶ ¶ You ¶" "¶ It's just not fair ¶" "¶ How you kill me with just one stare ¶" "¶ All my nerves are tearing me down ¶" "¶ Won't you just come over here and lick away this frown ¶" "¶ 'Cause I can't sleep ¶ ¶ Tight ¶" "¶ I don't see ¶ ¶ Right ¶" "¶ I won't feel ¶ ¶ Right ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶ ¶ Mine ¶" "¶ I can't sleep ¶ ¶ Tight ¶" "¶ I don't see ¶ ¶ Right ¶" "¶ I won't feel ¶ ¶ Right ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶ ¶ Mine ¶" "¶ Can't sleep tight ¶" "¶ Don't see right ¶" "¶ Won't feel fine ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶" "¶ Can't sleep tight ¶ ¶ Can't sleep tight ¶" "¶ Don't see right ¶ ¶ Don't see right ¶" "¶ Won't feel fine ¶ ¶ Won't feel fine ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶ ¶ Until you're mine ¶" "¶ Can't sleep tight ¶ ¶ Can't sleep tight ¶" "¶ Don't see right ¶ ¶ Don't see right ¶" "¶ Won't feel fine ¶ ¶ Won't feel fine ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶ ¶ Until you're mine ¶" "¶ Can't sleep tight ¶" "¶ Don't see right ¶ ¶ Be mine, baby ¶" "¶ Won't feel fine ¶ ¶ Be mine, baby ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶ ¶ Can't sleep tight ¶" "¶ Don't see right ¶" "¶ Until you're mine ¶" "KATIE, NARRATING:" "WhenI decided atthelastminute totakeayearoff beforecollege," "Itoldmy momitwas becauseI hadno idea whatI wantedto do  withmylife." "Shepretendedshedidn'twant  tostrangleme ." "But sweetie, that's the whole point of college:" "is to figure out what you want to do, to find out what you're good at, to discover your bliss." "But what if I don't discover it until junior year, and it has nothing to do with the classes I've already taken?" "I'd have to start over." "Or what if my bliss is something I don't even need college for?" "(Typing)" "WOMAN:" "I'm not going to lie to you, Katie." "I'm concerned." "Why?" "Tons of kids defer." "You're not tons of kids." "You're one complicated girl who's been through a lot." "You need structure." "Are you saying that college is the only place that I can get structure?" "Because if so, Miss Matsuo..." "Katie." "I'm serious." "Here's something." "Why don't you start a diary." "Or a blog?" "Why?" "It's a daily time commitment." "It'll keep your verbal skills sharp." "And it'll force you to be introspective." "What a wonderful idea." "Iwasjustlying toescapeherveganbreath." "Atleastthat'swhatIthought atthetime." "ButI guessnot." "Whatthefuck?" "HereI amblogging." "Anyway,I 'mgoingto start bytellingyouasecret, somethingI 'venever toldanyone." "TherealreasonI'm taking a year off is because of a guy, anolderone." "Aman." "Andhe'sthemostamazing..." "Shit,gotto go ." "¶" "¶ You don't know what I'm gonna do ¶" "¶ Or what I see in you ¶" "¶ You're obsessed ¶" "¶ With my little red dress ¶" "Boo!" "(Children screaming)" "¶ But you don't care if I'm a mess, now do you?" "¶" "Boo!" "¶ Do you?" "¶" "¶ Do you?" "¶" "¶ Do you?" "¶" "Boo!" "You're late." "You noticed." "DanandIhaveone strictrule:" "wedon'ttalk abouthisgirlfriend... ormyboyfriend." "Danteachesfilmata really goodcommunitycollege, soweonlywatch seriouscinema." "(Man shouting in German on TV)" "Ifeelsmarter justbeingaroundhim ." "Oneofthebestthings aboutmyyearoff  isthatIget tocontinue myeducation." "(Both breathing heavily)" "Heneverasks foranythingin return." "Hejustwantsmetorelax  andenjoyit ." "(Birds tweeting)" "(Children speaking indistinctly)" "(Children laughing)" "(Crow cawing)" "GIRL:" "Dad?" "(Shuddering)" "(Both panting)" "You always hold back in the end." "(Laughing):" "I'm sorry." "(Chuckling)" "It's your loss." "(Exhaling)" "Have, uh" " I got some news." "I'm, uh, moving closer to campus." "Why?" "Look at this dump." "It's ridiculous." "Looks like I'm still in grad school." "Well, did you already find a place?" "Yeah." "It's great." "And they'll let me move in on the 15th" "(Exhaling) Well, where is it?" "It's like a half-hour away." "We're not going to see each other again." "Of course we will." "Come on, don't be so melodramatic." "No, you're not going to want to come pick me up and then drive me to your place, and then back to mine a few hours later." "That's like two hours in the car." "(Sighing):" "And someone might see us." "Come on, you know I'm right." "(Sighing)" "If my dad would just buy me that car he promised me, then I could-- I could come see you" "Listen, listen, listen, listen." "We're going to work it out, okay?" "We'll work it out." "I promise you." "Come on." "(Breathing heavily)" "(Zipper rasping)" "Shit." "(Gasping)" "I'dnever touchedhimbefore." "Iwasalwaystoo scared." "Hecameso hard." "He'lldefinitelycallme afterhemoves." "CAROLINE:" "So don't you think it's time to stop loafing and get a job?" "I'm not loafing, I'm blogging." "CAROLINE:" "Since when?" "Last week." "CAROLINE:" "What's your blog called?" "KATIE:" "Not telling." "And you won't find out, because I use a fake name and I'm changing lots of little details of my life." "Why?" "Because if there was even a one in googol chance of anyone figuring out it was me, then I wouldn't tell the truth." "And what's the point of having a blog if you're just going to lie?" "(Door opening)" "Hey, babe." "Why do you call her that?" "She's 46." "(Sighing)" "What is on the agenda for today, hmm?" "TV?" "Internet?" "Maybe a good, long nap?" "I'm getting a job." "The grill or the fryer?" "Ha-ha." "Neither." "Something stimulating that pays extremely well." "MAN:" "This may come as a shock to you, kiddo, but the economy is in the toilet." "There's 20 applicants for every job." "You underestimate my powers, Earthling." "Today,a readersentmeone of those annoying self quizzes, whicharejustasadexcuse totalkaboutyourself." "What'syour favouritenumber?" "69." "Sometimes96." "Haveyoueverkissedsomeone andregrettedit ?" "Yes." "TomLovelace, whowas16 whenIwas11." "Myfisttonguekiss." "Itfeltlikeaworm ." "¶ I want it all to end ¶" "¶ Being loved by you ¶" "¶ Hold me now ¶" "¶ Make it stop ¶" "¶ The butterflies won't go away ¶" "Doyoubelieve inthehoroscope?" "No." "Sagittariansneverdo." "¶ I am lost ¶" "¶ Make me found ¶" "Stop right there!" "Don't even put it up." "Have I got the girl for you?" "Is that so?" "Come in." "What happened to Jonas?" "I bought him out, lock stock and barrel." "You have so many more books." "I used to buy my dad his birthday and Christmas presents here." "He's a sports writer." "Well, he used to be." "Now he just drinks." "(Chuckling)" "Sam Johnson's Book Shop." "Nice to meet you, Sam." "No, I'm not Sam." "He died a long time ago." "Dr. Samuel Johnson wrote the first great English dictionary." "Is he your hero?" "Among many." "Are you a lover of books?" "I could be." "Glenn Warburg." "Katie Kampenfelt." "Three days a week, $12 an hour." "Wow!" "And it's butt-easy." "All I have to do is help customers while Glenn runs the online business." "Sweetie, I got to hand it to you, that was fast." "You did it." "KATIE:" "Yup, I am indeed impressive." "Does Glenn have a last name?" "Warburg." "Is he married?" "Why?" "You think he only hired me so he could have sexual intercourse with me?" "It crossed my mind." "Your moustache is heinous." "I'veonlybeenblogging for16days, butI alreadygetbetween450 and500discreetvisitorsa day." "Themostpopularsearchterms thatpeopleusetofind me are" highschool," "college,"" ""blond,"" sex," and" oralsex,"" "whichmeansmanyofyou arelonely,disgustingpigs." "Ialsoknowalotofyou  arejustnormalpeople whowantto readthe true-life confessionsofatee" "(Knocking at door) What?" "It's me." "Come in." "Boyfriendinvasion." "Standby." "I thought you had band practice." "Casey had a midterm." "(Gasping)" "MAN 1, OVER TV:" "Youknow,Wong,Idon'tknow whichisworse." "Watchingyoueat orwatchingyouatwork ." "MAN 2:" "I'mperfectlyabletodo anythingI want..." "KATIE, NARRATING:" "Noneofyoucare thatI cheaton Rory, butforsomereasonyouhate thatit'swithanolderguy whohasagirlfriend." "Well,I hadno clue aboutMartina untilafterthethirdtime  DanandIfooledaround, andI foundherbirthcontrol ina bathroomdrawer." "Bythenit wastoo late." "(Laughing)" "Iwasin it ." "(Breathing heavily)" "(Grunting)" "Hold on..." "Oh, God." "(Panting)" "Oh, wow, you're so hot." "Oh, God, I love you." "Oh, God." "Oh!" "Oh, God" " Ah!" "Oh!" "(Both panting)" "I think I just came." "(Both laughing)" "Was I supposed to pull out?" "Six o'clock." "Hey, so it is." "$288 cash with a two-dollar bill for good luck." "Good first week?" "Amazing." "And I almost finished Who Has ChangedandWhoIsDead ." "Thank you for the recommendation." "You're very welcome." "You know, it's the first book I've read since second grade that was" " You know, like, wasn't for school." "Yeah, that's the way it is these days, I guess." "So sad." "I know." "I can't imagine life without great books." "It's as close to the angels as I get." "What do you mean?" "Well, for me, reading is a transcendent experience." "Hmm." "What does that mean, exactly?" "What, "transcendence"?" "It means beyond the physical realm." "It's a spiritual experience." "I get it from great literature, great paintings, classical music, all the arts." "What about classical art films, like Fellini or Buñuel?" "Sure." "Cool." "¶ I knew it from the start ¶" "¶ You would break my heart ¶" "¶ But I fell for you ¶" "¶ No matter how hard I try ¶" "¶ Change what's inside ¶" "¶ You are all I need ¶" "Dandidn'tevencall tosaygoodbye." "¶ You're the fire in my heart ¶" "IfI don'tgetacarnow, I'llneverseehim again." "(Indistinct chattering over TV)" "Look at the size of that blue-gummed dummy." "(Turns TV off)" "So, what's up?" "Well, it's been really, really hard ever since all my friends left to go to college." "And I just" "I've been sitting at home all the time." "I have no ride." "I can't get anywhere." "And I'm just" "Tell the witch to buy you a car." "No, she won't do it." "She thinks I'm so much like you, she thinks I'm just going to drink a bunch of beers and hit a tree." "Sanctimonious cunt." "If she had her way we'd all be drinking holy water." "Out of the pope's jockstrap." "Did you come up with that?" "No, you did." "No wonder." "(Chuckling)" "What about peckerhead?" "Why can't he squire you around?" "Well, because we broke up last night." "How come?" "He's been pressuring me to, you know, like, go all the way, and I'm just not ready yet." "Shit." "Must have done something right." "Daddy... my whole life, you said you would buy me a car when I graduated." "Please keep your promise." "Please, Daddy, just this once." "Please." "And you promised me you'd stay my little angel forever." "You'd never grow up." "Now look at you." "Tits and everything." "(Cell phone vibrating)" "MAN, OVER PHONE:" "Hey,uh,JoelSeidlerhere ." "I'mnotsure ifyourememberme." "I'mtallandmuscular, andI playedfootball." "No,wait, that'smydiametricopposite." "I'mtheshort,depressedJew whotutoredyouinmath ." "Anyway,I 'ma senior atPrincetonnow, andI 'mtaking asemesteroff." "Iheardthatyou werearound." "Callmeor textme, whatever." "GIRL, OVER PHONE:" "I'mback,bitch!" "(Laughing)" "KATIE, NARRATING:" "ThankGodJade'shome fromvisitinghergrandmother inGreece." "Jade'sprettymuch myonlyfemalefriendnow." "Therewasarumourlast year  thatJadeandIwere dykes." "Ihaveno ideawhy ." "I want your tits!" "I want your ass!" "I want your skin!" "I want your ass!" "I want your ass!" "¶ I'm finding it true ¶" "¶ When I'm hanging around you ¶" "¶ I think it's easy to say ¶" "¶ My boyfriend is in junior high ¶" "¶ His real age is just one big lie ¶" "¶ I wish I would have known that... ¶" "JADE:" "If he lived here, let's face it." "We'd end up hating each other's guts." "This way it stays perfect forever." "KATIE:" "You fall in love every time you go on vacation." "(Jade laughing)" "(Inhaling deeply)" "I know." "I'm a rock star." "(Laughing)" "I met him like my second day in Corfu." "I told you Dan moved away, right?" "Yeah." "He hasn't called me since." "It's humiliating." "You didn't fool around with him, did you?" "(Laughing):" "No!" "Hello!" "He's 32 and he has a girlfriend." "And you have fucking Rory." "¶ Lick my lips ¶" "¶ I'm mouthwatering ¶" "¶ Take a sip ¶" "¶ Pretty please ¶" "¶ I'm begging for some honey ¶" "¶ Indulge me ¶" "¶ Baby, got me going 'Cause you looking so-- ¶" "KATIE, NARRATING:" "Ican'tbelieveyou 'reall  reallyoutthere." "I'musedto onlybeingfamous inmyownmind." "(Pop music playing)" "What are you doing?" "Oh, nothing." "Just wasting time." "(Knocking at door)" "Come with me." "What's wrong?" "Just come." "Not you." "And put some clothes on." "We have neighbours." "(Gasping)" "Dad's dead, isn't he?" "MAN:" "Bad news, hon." "Your starting salary just didn't past the smell test with me, so I had a friend of mine in law enforcement do some digging." "Is this your boss?" "Glenn's a rapist?" "Sexual assault's a much broader category." "The particulars can vary, but, yeah, it's basically sexual contact without consent." "You have to quit your job right away." "What am I supposed to say?" "Hmm." "Start with this." "My mom's boyfriend has a partner at a really big law firm." "She thinks it'll look impressive on my résumé if I ever want to be an attorney, which I might." "So I really have to quit." "GLENN, OVER PHONE:" "Oh,I 'msodisappointed." "So am I, really." "You'rea veryspecialgirl, Katie,andajoy tobearound." "AndI 'llmissyou." "Thanks." "You too." "Bye, Glenn." "Do you have some clean underwear?" "(Cell phone vibrating)" "Please be Dan." "Please, please, please be Dan." "Please be Dan." "Hello?" "MAN, OVER PHONE:" "Catherine?" "Katie, actually." "Idon'tknow ifyourememberme." "Myname'sPaulSpooner." "Iinterviewedyou foradmittanceto Tufts." "Oh, no, of course I remember you." "Hello, Paul." "Oh, you know, I got in." "I just decided to defer a year." "Iknow." "That'sactually whyI 'mcalling." "Youdon'tby anychance needa job,do you?" "That is so, so weird." "I had one until, like, 10 days ago, but then I had to quit." "My boss turned out to be a convicted sex offender." "That'sterrible." "Well, even more terrible for the gal he sexually offended." "(Laughing):" "Yeah." "(Chuckling)" "I got a new job!" "Hey, can I call you back?" "That's wonderful." "What is it?" "I'm a nanny." "I get paid $12 an hour, and I get the use of a car." "A car!" "I get a Volvo!" "I'm getting a Volvo!" "What?" "What's with the face?" "Well, did you tell him you have no experience?" "Of course not." "Honey." "What?" "What?" "What?" "!" "Why are you so fucking negative?" "!" "¶" "Catherine." "Katie." "Oh, my God, you are so cute and tiny." "Come in." "I'm Margaret Spooner." "It is a pleasure to meet you." "You are a godsend." "Oh, cool." "You have no idea." "I'll show you around." "This house is amazing." "Oh, thank you." "I'm an interior designer, so love it." "You just missed Paul." "He works for a big hedge fund, so he travels all the time, but he'll be back on Friday." "So Paul said that you have some experience with newborns." "Oh, not much, but yeah." "Well, I had zero when Kyle was born." "Okay, you smell that?" "That is newborn poop." "Kind of like butter popcorn when they're nursing, which Kyle is." "Go ahead." "Your first lesson." "Pick him up." "Really?" "Yeah." "Just make sure you cradle his head." "That's it." "You got it." "(Sighing)" "Hi." "He likes you." "KATIE, NARRATING:" "Stopbeingmadatme fornotposting." "I had a very busy week learning howtotakecareofababy ." "(Typing)" "KATIE:" "Hey!" "Hey, super nanny Katherine Kampenfelt." "(Laughing):" "How was your flight?" "It was interminable." "Where's Maggie?" "Feeding Kyle." "Come on, let's get reacquainted." "So tell me everything." "How was your first week?" "It was awesome." "Hmm." "Margaret is such a great teacher." "Kyle is such a good baby." "Way more mature than my boyfriend." "(Laughing)" "I can't tell you how relieved I am this worked out." "Remember how much fun we had at our interview?" "Honestly, not really." "I thought Tufts was just my safety school." "Well, that explains why you were so cocky." "Hey." "Hi, sweetie." "Hi." "Ow." "Oh, sorry." "Your pay." "Yeah, but it's only 3:15." "Oh, um, okay." "Well, I'll see you guys Monday." "MARGARET:" "Remember when my ass looked like that?" "Bye." "KATIE, NARRATING:" "Lastnightwasthe fifth Fridayinarow  thatDandidn'tcallme." "Andsince I'mnotallowedtocall , textorevene-mailhim,  there'snothingIcan do." "Mygrandmotheroncetoldme," ""Nevermakeabig decision whileyou'rebleeding, becausethere'saprettygood  chanceyou'renuts."" "ButI don'tcare." "I'mtiredof waiting." "(Funky upbeat music playing)" "(Turning music off)" "Hi." "Hey." "I have an evil scheme." "My favourite kind." "(Phone line ringing)" "Oh, God, please answer the phone." "I did not know you were religious." "Only when I'm jonesing for a bonesing." "WOMAN, OVER PHONE:" "Hello?" "(Speaking Spanish)" "Wrongnumber." "(Laughing):" "Okay, what did you just say?" ""Where's the clog that we ate yesterday at the beauty parlour train station bathroom?"" "Genius." "Yeah." "Okay, wrong numbers always come in twos, right?" "Right." "I have one more chance." "Maybe he'll answer." "Why does he let her answer the phone?" "She grabs it." "She's this crazy, jealous French bitch from hell." "That's why I can't contact him." "(Phone line ringing)" "DAN, OVER PHONE:" "Hello?" "Hey, it's me." "Call me when you get this." "It's really important." "Okay, bye." "Aah!" "Got it!" "(Laughing)" "(Sighing) Okay." "Want to watch some porn?" "Bye, Jadey." "(Cell phone vibrating)" "(Sighing)" "(Cell phone vibrating)" "Please don't be mad at me." "DAN:" "I'mnot." "Martinejustranout  tobuycigarettes." "What'sup?" "I got a car." "A Volvo." "Hello?" "Yeah." "I can come see you whenever you want me to." "Remember what I did last time?" "How I touched you?" "(Sighing)" "I want to do it again." "But this time with my mouth." "Let me." "Please." "Wednesday,I 'lltextyou theaddress." "KATIE, NARRATING:" "Paulmadeaton ofmoneytoday  becausehepredicted astockwouldtank." "HebroughthomeBelgium chocolatesandchampagne." "AlldayIwas soexcited aboutmydatewithDan myheartfeltlike itwasgoingtoexplode." "Ilovedthewholeworld." "¶ You're calling me on my phone ¶" "¶ It's 2:00 in the morning ¶" "¶ Boy, you just ain't the type ¶" "¶ That a girl gonna hit once or twice ¶" "¶ Gonna send you on a slow jam ¶" "DAN:" "We need protection." "KATIE:" "No." "No, we don't." "Are you sure?" "(Panting)" "(Children laughing)" "(Bird hooting)" "GIRL:" "Daddy!" "(Sighing)" "Cigarettes?" "Since when?" "Yeah." "It was a mistake." "Oh, come on." "One's not going to kill you." "No, I meant that." "Well, my period just ended." "That's not what I meant." "Is it my age?" "You know my birthday's at midnight." "Here's the thing." "I care about you a lot, but-- Okay before you dump me, let me say something." "Martine treats you like shit and I think you should dump her and go out with me instead." "Now I know my age freaks you out, but we can do it in a really cool, healthy way." "I promise." "I wouldn't have to meet any of your friends, and I wouldn't make you meet my mom." "We could keep the whole thing a secret." "It would just be us right here, making love and watching art films." "And then when I go away to college, we break up really maturely." "Stay friends forever." "It's perfect." "(Sighing)" "It would be." "Is that a yes?" "I can't." "Why?" "Martine and I are engaged." "Since the middle of October." "What do you have with her that you don't have with me?" "(Sighing):" "Katie..." "Answer the fucking question." "There are just" "There are things that-- That people close to each other in age share." "Like what?" "Martine and I are intellectually compatible." "KATIE:" "Why did you have to fuck me before you told me the truth?" "You're such a liar!" "So is that why you moved?" "So you could live together?" "She lives here?" "RORY:" "Where were you?" "What happened to your study group?" "It ended an hour ago." "Where were you?" "A movie!" "Is everything all right?" "Have you been crying?" "CAROLINE:" "Rory, come down." "What did you see?" "What?" "The name of the movie, what was it?" "Sex With a Paranoid Guy." "It was a comedy." "Now go home, you freak." "Where were you?" "Fuck you!" "(Grunting)" "CAROLINE:" "Are you okay?" "He was older." "He's a 32-year-old guy, and I'm madly in love with him, okay?" "!" "Did you have sex with him?" "You did." "(Grunting)" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Never hit a girl!" "Never hit a girl!" "Get the hell out of here!" "Get out of here!" "You want to go to jail?" "!" "(Door closing)" "(Breathing heavily)" "You want to tell me what that was about?" "Just go, please." "Okay, okay, okay, okay." "Mark... thanks." "KATIE:" "Turnsouttheywereengaged thewholetime." "They moved in together." "I'm such a retard." "Oh, sweetheart," "I wish you would have told me about it sooner." "I could have warned you." "Never get mixed up with someone if there's a third party involved." "You almost always lose." "You didn't sleep with him, did you?" "Of course not." "I'm sorry." "Had to ask." "Aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday?" "Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry." "Happy birthday." "So, what do you want to do to celebrate?" "I don't know." "KATIE, NARRATING:" "ThankGodmy name's notreallyKatie andI 'm100%invisible totheworld, orI 'dbeso humiliated bymyliferightnow" "I'dprobablykillmyself." "Doyoustayfriends withyourexes?" "Onlyiftheycan handleus beingplatonic." "Hasn'thappenedyet." "Doyoupee inswimmingpools?" "That'stheonlyplace." "What'syourfavouritething inyourbedroom?" "Myheart." "What'syourleastfavourite thinginyourbedroom?" "Myheart." "Whatareyoulisteningto thesedays?" "Avoicein my headtellingme thatsomethingwonderful isgoingto happen anyminute." "Itjusthasto." "MARGARET:" "Iknowtheprices areoutrageous, butyoujustcan 'tbeat theorganicproduce." "Absolutely." "The meats are to die for." "Oh, I know." "The other day I got a leg of lamb." "I'm telling you it was this big." "Hang on one second." "Is he down?" "Yup, boom." "Oh, good." "Did I mention you look adorable?" "Oh, well, I don't feel it." "Barely got two hours of sleep last night." "Excitement about Santa's arrival, or boy trouble?" "KATIE:" "Boy trouble." "Well, good riddance, whoever he is." "You can do better." "Couldn't do worse." "I have a nephew." "Oh." "Onwards and upwards." "KATIE:" "Cheers." "I thought we were the bad guys." "MAN:" "Well, no, no, no." "People are people." "You know, red, white, purple." "We're all shit." "You know what else the Apache enjoyed?" "Sodomy." "Most of Custer's seventh brigade, second cavalry, they were found buck naked, all torn up inside." "Well, Ollie, listen, it's been a riot." "Cornflower blue." "You're a real blond, aren't you?" "Oh, yeah." "You're real naughty too." "Not tonight." "Not" " Not" "Not feeling it tonight, turtleneck, okay?" "Now let me go before I scream." "(Laughing):" "Whoa!" "(Imitating Indian war whoop)" "PAUL:" "You better slow down there." "That stuff will kill you." "I still have to drive home." "You having fun?" "At my own party?" "Not a chance." "We've got to stop meeting like this." "Maggie will get suspicious." "Really?" "¶" "¶ Snow is falling ¶" "¶ Do you hear those winter bells ringing ¶" "¶ In this winter storm?" "¶" "JOEL, OVER ANSWERING MACHINE:" "Hey,uh,MerryChristmasEve." "It'sJoelagain." "Younevercallmeback , soI assumeyou'reeither reallybusy oryouhateJews." "(Laughing)" "Sohere'swhy Ikeepcalling." "Thethirdweekofschool" "Itriedto jump outofadormwindow." "AndI rememberyouspentsome  timeatamentalhospital, andI thoughtyoumight beableto relate towhatI'mgoingthrough, andthenwe couldbefriends." "Mybad." "¶ Take it in, take it in ¶" "¶ And sing your Christmas song ¶" "¶ The world is changing ¶" "¶ Everything is painted white and red ¶" "¶ And gold ¶" "¶ The stars are dangling... ¶" "Oh." "(Sniffing)" "Thank you so much." "You're welcome." "Oh, Dad." "What did I do to deserve this?" "You knocked up Mom." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, these will keep my nuts warm." "Thank you, kid." "How was dinner with your family?" "Oh, thank you for asking." "My" "Don't ever spend Christmas Eve with old Hindus." "It was like Gunga Din meets the Brothers Grimm." "I couldn't get out of there fast enough." "(Doug chuckling)" "Oh, here." "I know what my baby girl likes." "Thanks." "It's beautiful." "DOUG:" "I used to be your hero." "Bet you don't even remember that, do you?" "Not really." "I used to come home from work, you'd just go crazy." "You'd grab my hand, show me your latest Barbie or whatever." "Then the witch kicked me out." "Right before Christmas, too." "You latched on like a goddamn pit bull." "Wouldn't let go." "Seriously?" "Screaming your lungs out." "I can't believe I don't remember that." "(Turning TV on)" "CROWD, OVER TV:" "HappyNewYear!" "KATIE, NARRATING:" "RightafterRoryand I brokeup," "Jadefound anewboyfriend." "Ihadno onetocelebratewith lastnight." "(Knocking on door)" "CAROLINE:" "Honey?" "It's me." "Come in." "Oh, God." "Dad's dead?" "Oh, my God!" "Congratulations!" "I don't even know what to say." "She's marrying the moustache." "RORY, OVER PHONE:" "Oh,no!" "I knew you'd understand." "Come over, please." "Uh... firstI ,uh," "Igotto tellyou something." "(Whispering):" "Shit." "(In normal voice):" "Hold on." "Okay, what?" "Okay,um... sothenightwebrokeup Itooktwosleepingpills." "AndJadewasovertrollingon 4chanwithmy roommates." "So, any resolutions?" "Well, I found out my boyfriend's boning my best friend." "I thought you and your boyfriend broke up." "We did." "Now it's permanent." "I'm never going to speak to either of them again." "Smart choice." "What about you?" "I am going back to work part-time." "Wow, really?" "So soon?" "Yeah, well, I feel great." "You know, I got my body back." "Why not?" "Paul's pissed." "If he had his way I'd stay home forever and be a broodmare." "Do you know what that is?" "Like a sad horse." "Close, yeah." "One that does nothing but give birth." "Do you want to have more kids?" "No." "(Cell phone vibrating)" "(Laughing)" "(Indistinct chattering)" "How's it going?" "Wow, you're even prettier than I remember." "And you're just as sweet." "Um..." "I can't believe you finally decided to hang out with me." "I hope I don't destroy your social standing." "Stop it." "What made you finally call me back?" "Your text made me laugh." "Hey, you're legal, right?" "Yeah." "You should order wine." "They won't card me here if you do it." "So anyway, long story short, they've been fucking ever since." "What a roll you're on." "I know." "I have the worst luck with guys." "Yeah, I would say the worst taste." "I mean, you're the one who picks them, right?" "Yeah." "Anyway, it seems like your problems go way beyond guys." "I mean, you're confused about a lot." "Well, who isn't at our age?" "And that's why the most important thing is to develop self-awareness." "I'm pretty much the most fucked-up person I know, and I'm working really hard to understand myself." "Are you?" "Working really hard to understand you?" "Not really." "(Both laughing) (Footsteps approaching)" "WAITER:" "When you're ready." "Right." "(Vibrating)" "Hello?" "(Womansobbingoverphone)" "Who is this?" "Affie?" "What is it?" "Is it my dad?" "Affie, what's wrong?" "!" "DOCTOR:" "You can see him now." "KATIE, NARRATING:" "Whenhefell, anarteryin thesac  aroundhisbrainrippedopen ." "Theyfixedit  andstoppedthebleeding, butnowalltheycando iswaitandsee ." "(Machinery hissing and beeping)" "(Sniffling)" "(Typing)" "I used to pour my dad his beers for him." "Even though I get how sad and inappropriate that is, at the time it made me feel really special." "And I'm still an expert at pouring beer so that the foam doesn't spill over." "Oh, uh, one more" "One more thing." "My dad and I, we used to play this game together when we were watching TV, and I would ask him if I could have some of his beer." "So he would reach over to grab his mug, and when he did I would flop my mouth down on his beer belly and... (Lips sputtering)" "And he would get all mad, like I had tricked him." "And..." "I would just laugh my head off." "(Knocking)" "Yes." "Hi, my name's Amy Graham." "I'm a student of Professor Gallo's." "I hate bothering him at home, but it's really, really important, and I lost his phone number." "Oh, I'm sorry." "He's not home." "Darn it." "Okay, okay." "Uh..." "But I'll be happy to give him a message." "Will you please tell him there's been a death in my family, so I can't finish my paper on time." "Which paper?" "The one he assigned." "All right." "I'm sorry." "I mean, for your loss." "That's okay." "Merci." "Bye." "(Sighing)" "(Heart beating)" "KATIE, NARRATING:" "Duringtheweekofwork  Imissed," "Margaretkeptherresolution andgotajob redoing azillionaire'smediaroom." "Forthenextmonth she'llbeworkingweekdays from9 :00to3: 00." "SoKyledoesn'tget  tootraumatizedby thechange," "Paul'sgoingto eatlunch athomeeveryday ." "Well, I can't believe how okay you seem." "He had cirrhosis for a long time." "I knew he was going to die." "I was pretty much prepared for it." "(Chuckling)" "The arrogance of youth." "Don't say that." "No, no, I mean it as a compliment." "An ironic one, but if young people weren't so arrogant, they'd really be in trouble." "What do you mean?" "Look, life kicks your ass." "If young people knew it, they'd crawl into the basement with a crack pipe and never come out." "Wouldn't take risks or fight for lost causes, or even start a career." "I mean, why bother, right?" "You think you're okay with your dad's death?" "Not a chance." "It won't even hit you that he's really gone until you're in your 30's, which happens to be the most difficult decade of life." "That is when the shit really hits the fan." "(Sighing)" "What are you grinning at?" "You." "Tell me more." "I want to know everything." "MARGARET:" "Hey, you haven't quit yet." "KATIE:" "Not yet." "MARGARET:" "See you later." "Thanks." "KATIE:" "Yeah!" "PAUL:" "Hey, hey." "Hi, sweetie." "I'll be right back." "Here's your salary, and a little something extra." "Thanks." "Bye." "PAUL:" "Bye." "PAUL:" ""DearMissKampenfelt," ""sinceyouexpressed adesiretoday" ""tolearnmore aboutadultlife," ""hereare10 bittertruths foryourreadingpleasure." ""Numberone:" "Completehonesty isa completelie." ""Two,marriageis sacred onlytothose" ""whohavenever beenmarried." ""Three,moneyis moreintegral tohappiness thanromanticlove."" "KATIE:" ""Four,everyhumanbeing isa contradiction." ""Somehideit  betterthanothers." ""Five,neverunderestimate thetendencyof humanbeings" ""toactcontrary totheirownbestinterests." ""Six,wereit notfor the fear ofgettingcaught," ""mostofus wouldbehave likesavages." ""Seven,allsex hasconsequences, mostofthemdire."" "JOEL:" ""The older you get, the faster time flies" ""until months pass like days." ""There's no such thing as living happily ever after." "Everything gets worse."" "He wants to fuck you." "(Laughing):" "He has, like, the most perfect, beautiful wife on the planet." "And that's why it's not going to happen?" "Because he doesn't want to?" "What about you?" "I would never do that." "You don't know me." "JOEL:" "You're self-centered." "KATIE:" "Ooh, news flash." "JOEL:" "You're promiscuous." "KATIE:" "I can't help it." "It feels good." "And plus, I owe it to my fans." "JOEL:" "You're an incipient alcoholic." "KATIE:" "No, I'm not." "Hey, what does that mean again?" "JOEL:" "It means you're not an addict yet, but you're well on the way." "KATIE:" "Oh, okay." "JOEL:" "I want to ask you something," "KATIE:" "Mm-hmm." "JOEL:" "You don't have to answer, but were you molested when you were little?" "Because you remind me of a friend of mine from school." "She was abused." "A little." "I mean, it just depends on..." "The summer before my parents got divorced, I was like 6." "My dad had disconnected the cable." "He was going to write this book on worst sports injures in history, and he didn't want to be distracted." "That's a good idea for a book." "Well, he never wrote it." "Anyway, since we had no TV, my mom sent me next door to watch at the Solagee's." "And Mrs. Solagee would always make me these yummy prune Hungarian cookies, and I'd get to watch cartoons." "But then when we were alone," "Mr. Solagee would put me on his lap, and he'd touch me." "He would squirm around the whole time." "God." "You know, it actually felt kind of good." "My friend Joel thinks I need therapy." "What do you think?" "He's probably right." "I agree." "Surprise, surprise." "I'll find you someone good." "A lady, okay?" "KATIE, NARRATING:" "JulietIsDeadwantsto know whatJoelmeant whenhesaidIwasin amentalhospital." "WhenI was13 Istole abunchof my mom'sAmbiens andclimbedin thewindow ofa 26-year-oldlifeguard" "Ihadamassive crushon." "Whenhetoldmetogo home,  Istartedcryinghysterically andlockedmyself inhisbathroom." "Theykeptme in thepsychward  forthreedays." "Beenprettymuchanti-therapy eversince." "(Doorbell ringing)" "And now I'm thinking that maybe what Mr. Solagee did really affected me." "Maybe that's why I like older guys so much." "I just always that it was because my dad was such a dick." "(Laughing)" "I'd like you to write a letter to Mr. Solagee." "He's really old." "He's probably dead." "It's not for him." "(Paul sighing)" "PAUL:" "Kyle had night terrors again last night." "Even after I picked him up, he cried for another half-hour." "Scared the shit out of us." "Well, what do you think's causing it?" "Well, I think it's that Maggie went back to work, but she doesn't want to hear about that, of course." "So, what are you going to do?" "(Sighing)" "Just give him some extra love, and hope that she comes to her senses." "Hmm." "She's so lucky to be married to you." "I don't know why she wants to go back to work so quickly." "It's ridiculous." "(Sighing)" "You know what?" "It's not till tomorrow, but what the hell?" "Happy Valentine's Day." "It's a locket." "Until you have a kid of your own," "I figured a picture of Kyle will have to do." "Thank you." "I love it." "God, you're beautiful." "(Door opening and closing)" "KATIE:" "So yeah, I mostly just hang out with this kid, Joel Seidler." "He's kind of funny." "Look who it is." "Hey, honey." "What time did she say the samples were coming?" "Ha!" "No, no, no, no, no." "I need something way more specific than that." "Yes, please call back." "All right, fine." "I'll call you back." "(Cell phone vibrating)" "Well, well." "DAN, OVER PHONE:" "Hey,um..." "Martine'soutof town fortheweekend." "Hey, why didn't you tell me your dad died?" "Because I hate your guts." "Oh, God!" "(Panting and moaning)" "Okay, slow down, slow down." "I want it to last longer." "You can do it." "You can." "You can." "(Both breathing heavily)" "(Birds squawking)" "(Both shuddering)" "That was a big mistake." "Yeah." "I'm in love... with somebody else." "Oh, and suddenly age matters?" "Yeah, it matters, because I'm 14 years older then you." "I'm not 23." "And I'm not married." "And I'm not your boss." "Why are you freaking out?" "All we did was kiss." "Oh, stop." "Stop pretending like you don't know what's going on." "That's why he hired you." "He's a fucking scumbag." "And what are you?" "You need help." "I know." "I'm in therapy." "Good, well, hope you tell him all about Spooner." "It's a she." "And I didn't." "But I told her all about you." "That's great." "Thanks." "Well, you can tell her this next time you go:" "you can tell her that I ended it." "No more." "We're not doing this ever again, you understand?" "One of us has to be strong enough to end it." "Since I'm the adult I guess it'll be me." "Don't call me again either." "Good morning!" "Gotcha." "Okay, so you-- So you don't like that." "IthoughtIdidn't wantitto happen, butmaybeIdid ." "¶" "WhenI 'mwithhim Ifeelso special." "Iforgeteverything." "CAROLINE:" "DearDr.Sherman, firstoff,Iwanttothank you formakingtime inyourbusyschedule toseemy darlingKatie." "Shereallyis something, isn'tshe?" "Oneofakind,allright ." "Asmuchas sheenjoyed yoursessiontogether," "Ihavedecidedtosend her toa differenttherapist, onewhospecializes inyoungwomen andtheirmanyfood-body issues,a nationalepidemic." "Thankyouso much foryourtime." "(Typing) Yours truly..." "Caroline Kampenfelt." "(Cell phone vibrating)" "JOEL, OVER PHONE:" "Katie,Joel." "Hi." "Ijustwantedtotell you thatyou'reamonster." "I'vebeenareally goodfriendto you, andthisis howyou repayme?" "Bynevercallingmeback ." "Besidesme,howmany straightguysarethere inthewholeworld wholikeyouenough to be your friend without there beinganythingsexual?" "I'llgiveyouahint :" "zero." "I'monlythreeyears olderthanyou, butI 'msomuchsmarter it'sridiculous." "Youhaveno innerlife." "(Sobbing)" "KATIE, NARRATING:" "WhywasIcryingsohard?" "WhocareswhatJoel thoughtofme ?" "AndthenIthought," "Oh,wait, maybeit'sjusthormones." "(Beeping)" "(Inhaling and exhaling)" "No, thanks." "Okay." "What's going on?" "What do you mean?" "You never say no." "Why not?" "I'm pregnant." "Holy shit." "Stop." "I'm not keeping it." "And there's a decent chance it's not yours." "Then why'd you even tell me?" "Because you wanted me to get high." "Yeah, well, if you're just going to kill it, why not get high?" "I might change my mind." "Maybe." "Oh, man." "How many others are there?" "Two." "You're a fucking whore." "You're not even worth it!" "(Door slamming)" "WOMAN, OVER PHONE:" "Hello?" "I'm sorry, I might have the wrong number." "I'm looking for Joel Seidler." "Whoisthis?" "Katie Kempenfelt." "Oh,Katie." "Youknowhe 'sclinically depressed,right?" "Of course." "We talk about it all the time." "Well,hemade anotherattempt." "Pillsthistime." "Veryfemale." "Iwastheone  whofoundhim." "Worstmomentof my life." "Is he okay?" "Physically,yes." "Mentally,whothehellknows?" "He'satSt.Jude's." "Can I visit him?" "No,honeywe gottoget hischemistry straightenedoutfirst." "Will you let me know when he can have visitors?" "Ofcourse." "Absolutely." "Thank you." "I'm so happy you finally called." "(Sighing)" "(Sobbing)" "I can't believe I miss him so much." "If only he had left that silly card where it was." "What?" "What silly card?" "I wasn't sure whether to tell you." "What?" "What are you talking about?" "One day I was cleaning the house, and in his closet I found the underwear you gave him for Christmas." "I put them away and threw the box in the trash." "Later, when your father found out what I had done, he was furious at me." "In the middle of the night, he rose." "I asked him where he was going." "He said, "To pick through the garbage, like your cousins back in Calcutta."" "I woke up minutes later." "The room was very cold." "I found the back door wide open." "Your father slipped in the dark and fell on the way to retrieve your card." "But he never even opened my cards." "He didn't care about those things." "That's precisely what I thought." "But no." "I found them in his desk." "All from you." "¶" "¶ Fog tints the windows ¶" "¶ And clouds up the view ¶" "¶ Sits in the trees ¶" "¶ And hugs the sky too ¶" "¶ Mr. Blue Sky ¶" "¶ Greets his old friend ¶" "¶ Blankets the earth ¶" "¶ To brings the year's end ¶" "¶ There's a longing in the air ¶" "¶ And something tells you ¶" "¶ That wintertime is here ¶" "¶ The nostalgia warms your heart ¶" "¶ And everything feels ¶" "¶ Right ¶" "(Knocking at door)" "You have an appointment with Dr. Sherman Saturday at 10:00." "I know you only went once." "What?" "That's non-negotiable." "(Blowing) KATIE:" "Yay!" "Happy birthday." "(Laughing)" "Thank you." "I love it." "Oh, good." "It's gorgeous." "Thank you so much." "Oh, come on." "You didn't have to do that." "I know." "Let's see." "Very cute." "(Laughing)" "Aww, that's sweet." "Very sweet." "Thank you." "(Kyle crying)" "Whoa, looks like somebody wants to join the party." "Oh, no, no, I'll get him." "So, what's it like being 43?" "MARGARET, OVER INTERCOM:" "Hi,honey." "Shh." "Same as being 18." "Just, uh, when you get up, your back is a little stiff, that's all." "Therewego ." "Goodboy." "(Laughing):" "Oh." "God." "Just your back?" "(Moaning)" "This is your real present." "(Laughing):" "Oh,yeah." "KATIE:" ""ToPaulon his43rdbirthday." ""Nappingonthesofa," ""yourbabyboynapping inhisbouncingchair." ""Twoseparatelives, lyingsoclosefor awhile" ""untilyoubothwakeupand becomefatherandson again." ""Mayyoualways belikethis." ""Sleepingclose andawakingclose," ""sharingnearly allofyourlives." "IwishIcould sharethemtoo."" "It's beautiful." "Really?" "Yeah." "(Kyle crying) MARGARET:" "Shh." "I'm sorry." "(Paper tearing)" "It's okay, it's okay." "You understand, right?" "I'm sorry." "It's going to be okay." "Okay." "Oh, God." "KATIE, NARRATING:" "Beingpregnantis like beingseasick, andyoucan't getofftheboat." "Thesmellof bubblegum , deodorant, scentedcandlesmakesmewant  tovomitfrommytoes ." "(Groaning)" "(Panting)" "(Phone line ringing)" "DAN, OVER PHONE:" "Hello?" "I'm pregnant." "And the baby's yours." "So I thought maybe before I got an abortion, you'd like to discuss it." "Dwayne,youknowbetter." "Yougotto callme duringmyofficehours,okay ?" "Goodnight." "Wait... (Cell phone beeping off)" "(Screaming)" "(Sobbing)" "SHERMAN:" "You don't need antidepressants, because you're not clinically depressed." "You're grieving." "There's a world of difference." "Not just for your father." "KATIE, NARRATING:" "WhenI wasin thesecondgrade Ilikedto grossboysout byeatingfliesand ants." "Evena daddylonglegsonce." "Injuniorhigh Istoppedtakingshowers." "Mymomwouldsay ," ""Whydoyouwanttotreat your bodywithsuchdisrespect?"" "Ihadno ideawhy ." "ButnowIdo." "Youprobablythought Iforgot, butI remembereverything youdidto me ." "SometimesI thought maybeyouforgot." "Butyouwereagrownman atthetimeyou molestedme." "IfyouareaChristian, andI thinkyouare , thenyouknow whatawaitsyou." "Yourstruly, littleKatienextdoor." "Katie." "Miss Matsuo." "How's the grand experiment?" "Excuse me?" "Life without semesters?" "Oh, it's great." "Good." "Actually, I just lied to you." "It's really, really hard." "I'm sorry." "That's okay." "You know, I-- I think it's getting better." "I think I'm going to be okay." "Well, you take care." "¶ Did you hear ¶" "¶ Where I was going, my dear?" "¶" "¶ Did you see me ¶" "¶ Walking down that road?" "¶" "¶ And do you understand ¶" "¶ That my life (Unclear) ¶" "¶ And no, baby ¶" "¶ You know I'm not very old ¶" "Well, if it isn't one of my favourite people in the world." "That's me." "What's wrong?" "Just wanted to come say hi." "I don't believe that." "Come on in." "Tell me what's going on with you." "I need some advice." "Okay." "But I want to talk to you about something first." "I didn't quit for the reason I said." "My mom's fiancé found out that you're a convicted sex offender." "That occurred to me." "I wanted to tell you the truth, but my mom would have grounded me until the end of time." "She was afraid for you." "Well, hello, I'm a girl." "But you're here now." "What changed?" "I need your wisdom." "But I want to know what your crime was." "Why?" "I need to know." "(Glenn sighing)" "It was a long time ago." "Please?" "(Exhaling)" "May I have one of those?" "You smoke?" "I'm what is known in Nicotine Anonymous as a periodic." "I start and stop." "Right now I'm undecided." "Have a seat." "Ah, there it is." "(Sniffing)" "(Sighing)" "Where do I begin?" "When I was your age, Katie," "I was a very angry, nasty piece of work." "I was rarely clean or sober." "I had hair down to here and a full beard, believe it or not." "And when I was 19 years old I got busted for selling drugs." "So in order to avoid jail time I enlisted in the Army." "And I just stayed high all the time." "Well, surprise, surprise, I get busted and dishonourably discharged and sent home." "And I stayed out of trouble for a very long time, until one night I got shit-face drunk and showed up at the house of a woman I knew who was a prostitute." "Not one that I could afford, but she had a soft spot for vets." "And the last thing I remember was, she pulled out a bottle of rum and a tab of acid." "So when I woke up in jail the next morning," "I had no choice but to take her word for what happened." "And the word of the emergency room doctor, of course." "(Sighing)" "I did not rape her in the way that most people would define that term, but it was a very, uh, cruel sexual assault, and I paid the price." "Now, tell me what's wrong with you." "I'm pregnant." "Hmm." "KATIE:" "I'm just" " I'm too young to have a baby." "And I know" " I know I should get an abortion." "But days keep passing by, and I don't make the appointment." "(Sighing)" "I just" " I think I'm scared to go alone." "I think it's more than that." "I think you're afraid to go at all." "And for good reason." "Because if you do this, there's no telling how you'll feel about it later." "You're afraid you'll regret it." "Maybe." "But, you know, very few people ever regret having had a child." "Is that true?" "Absolutely." "You want some more wisdom?" "No extra charge." "Please." "Stop drinking and smoking immediately." "And you must never see any of these men ever again." "Dump Paul?" "No, no, he'll freak out." "Please, please, Katie, listen to me." "When a married man is having an affair with a beautiful, young girl, no matter how much he feels for that girl, he's always relieved when it's over because he knows he's been playing a dangerous game," "and he's lucky to escape alive." "He doesn't love me?" "Not the way you think." "But if I dump Paul, then I lose my job." "Well, you could always come back and work here." "Yeah, my mom would kill me." "You don't need her permission anymore." "You're an adult." "She'd kick me out of the house" "You know what?" "There just happens to be an empty room above my garage, and you're welcome to it, rent-free." "You have to start making your own decisions, young lady." "Now, come on." "I got to close up." "And I'll give you a lift." "Read any good books lately?" "KATIE:" "No. not even a bad one." "But I've sort of been writing." "I thought you'd be proud that I have a blog." "I like that it's creative and that it's verbal." "What I don't like is that it's public." "Your generation is addicted to attention." "(Keys rattling)" "I know." "It's like we all want to be famous, even though we're not good at anything." "Precisely." "You sure I can't give you a lift?" "I like to walk." "All right, then." "Thanks for all the advice." "You're welcome." "Something else you might consider." "I can understand how you feel, how you think you're not ready to be a mother." "But have the baby anyway." "What's the harm?" "I'll raise it as my own, and you can come and go as you please." "You can be as much of a mother as you care to be." "(Car alarm chirping)" "If I don't do what you want me to, then could I still work here and live with you?" "Of course." "¶" "KATIE, NARRATING:" "Iwantto thankeveryone whowroteto tellme" "I'ma babykillereventhough Ihaven'tevendecided whatI 'mgoingto do yet." "(Bathwater running)" "(Turns water off)" "IfI movein withGlenn, it'sthebeginning ofmyadultlife." "Onmyownfor the firsttime ." "It'sa perfecttime tostopblogging." "CanI doit ?" "Justlivewithout describingeverythingIdo?" "CanI cancelmy realityshow andbecomeabetterperson?" "Dohumanbeingseverdream awholenewlife andmakeit cometrue?" "Ordotheyalwaysgoback tothewaytheywere ?" "Iguessthere'sonlyoneway tofindout." "Saygoodbyeto allofyou andjustlive." "Reallylive." "CAROLINE:" "Mynameis CarolGranthum." "I'mthemother ofAmyGranthum, whomyouknow asKatieKampenfelt." "Afewminutesafterposting herfinalblog, someonecalledAmy froma blockednumber." "Thecalllasted aminuteand38seconds." "Afewminuteslater" "Amygotin hercar , droveaway andnevercameback." "Noone'sseen orheardfromher since." "Shehasn'twithdrawn anymoneyfromthe bank orevenused hercellphone." "Thepolicebelievethe person whocalledAmythatnight couldverywellholdthekey toherwhereabouts." "(Typing)" "I'mwritingbecause Ineedyourhelp." "Pleasekeepreading." "Ihavehired aprivateinvestigator." "He'squestionedeveryone inAmy'slife." "Heshowedthemher blog." "Tohideheridentity, shechangednamesand details." "(No audio)" "HerboyfriendAiden sayseverything Amywroteabouthim istrue ." "Hehasaterribletemper, butheinsiststhathewould  neverharmher." "Danisnotactually acollegeprofessor." "Hemanagesavideostore." "HesaysAmy'sdescription oftheirrelationship wasmostlyaccurate, butthatshenevertold him shewaspregnant." "Thecouplesheworksfor dispute only the most important factoftheblog." "Thehusbanddenies anysexualinvolvement." "JakeSeidler isdevastated." "Heregretsthecruelty ofhislastvoicemessage." "Amy'sbestfriendNoelle isa drugaddict." "Shehasablocked phonenumber, butshesays thatshedidnot callAmy onthenight shedisappeared." "RoyOlson,herboss, sayswordAmywrote abouthimis true exceptthathe neveroffered toraiseherchild." "If any of you exchanged e-mails orphonecallswithAmy inwhichsheshared anyinformation thatmighthelpus tolocateher please,pleasewrite tomehere." "Amyisawonderfulgirl  witha remarkablespirit." "She'smylife, mywholeheart." "Sinceherdisappearance, onnightswhen Ican'tsleep" "Ireadandreread Amy'spostings." "Ireadallofyour e-mails andcommentstoo, eventhemost viciousofthem." "Iaskmyself:" "Who wouldwant  tohurtmy daughter?" "Iheartheanswer:" "everyone." "¶ I did my time, I stood in line ¶" "¶ I waited for so long ¶" "¶ Stand in circles ¶" "¶ Sitting duck ¶" "¶ I finally jumped this pond ¶" "¶ Now I get this year to live ¶" "¶ I'm going to live it well ¶" "¶ 'Cause I want something new to give ¶" "¶ In my life's show-and-tell ¶" "¶ I'm gonna try things, I'm gonna go there ¶" "¶ Gonna take this all the way ¶" "¶ Test my limits, I'm gonna wing it ¶" "¶ And there's nothing you can say ¶" "¶ So here I go with an open heart ¶" "¶ 'Cause... ¶" "¶ Right now my life starts bum-ba-dum ¶" "¶ Bum-bum-bum-ba-dum ¶" "¶ Da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ¶" "¶ Bum-ba-dum ¶" "¶ Bum-bum-bum-ba-dum ¶" "¶ Da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ¶" "¶ Time to go off on my own ¶" "¶ It's finally my turn ¶" "¶ It's my turn ¶" "¶ No right or wrong ¶" "¶ 'Cause from now on ¶" "¶ The stakes are how I learn ¶" "¶ Hm-hmm ¶" "¶ And now I get this year to live ¶" "¶ I'm going to live it well ¶" "¶ 'Cause I want something new to give ¶" "¶ In my life's show-and-tell ¶" "¶ I'm gonna try things, I'm gonna go there ¶" "¶ Gonna take this all the way ¶" "¶ Test my limits, I'm gonna wing it ¶" "¶ And there's nothing you can say ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa ¶" "¶ So here I go with an open heart ¶" "¶ 'Cause... ¶" "¶ Right now my life starts ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa ¶" "¶ But I know you're scared ¶" "¶ And it's tough to bear ¶" "¶ That your little girl just walked out the door ¶" "¶ She's gone, she's gone ¶" "¶ But it's time to see ¶" "¶ The bad girl is me ¶" "¶ And I just ain't that little anymore ¶" "¶ Oh, whoa ¶" "¶ I'm gonna try things, I'm gonna go there ¶" "¶ Gonna take this all the way ¶" "¶ Test my limits, I'm gonna wing it ¶" "¶ And there's nothing you can say ¶" "¶ There's nothing you can say ¶" "¶ So here I go with an open heart ¶" "¶ 'Cause... ¶" "¶ Right now my life starts ¶"