"I am Optimus Prime." "And I send this message to all Autobots." "If you need refuge or just a place to crash for a few days, you can..." " Optimus." " Oops." "Stop inviting robots to stay at my house." " I didn't invite any robots." " I don't remember buying seven cars and parking them in my living room." " Excuse us." " Adiós." "Oh, boy." "You need to get out of here." "It was fine when you were saving the Earth and all..." "But, Sam, the Decepticons are after something really, really important this time." "They want the, uh..." "Rock of notalentron." "Legend says it's in some exotic location." "Maybe Paris." "I've always wanted to go the Paris." "Go by yourself." "I'm not helping you chase down another random robo-trinket." "Fine." "How are we getting to Paris?" "By the power of your dad's wallet." "Ugh." "This is getting boring." "Did I really need to pay for your flights?" " I mean, he's a jet, for crying out loud." " Oops." "Says who?" "Autobots, roll out." "Seek good souvenirs and fine cheeses." " And the rock of notalentron, right?" " Sure, why not?" "So the Eiffel Tower told you the rock was at my parents' timeshare in Hawaii?" "He's one of our most trusted elders, Sam." "We don't question him." "Speaking of we, who are these guys?" "Are they even Transboremores?" "I think he's just a car." "Tater salad?" "And that's just a guy doing the robot." "Sam, two worlds at risk, trust is the most precious resource." " Are you with us?" " Sure." "Great." "Be a pal and get me another Coconut Mist." "All right, forget it." "We're going home." "How did they get in?" "Maybe they found the key under the mat." "There is no key under the mat." "Then it's probably that giant hole in your wall." "Okay, everyone and everything that is a robot, get out." "I'm out of here." "Let's go over to Voltron's." "Hey, bro, thanks for letting me borrow your Iron Giant DVD." "I really..." " Chill, man, there's a human here." " Oh, sorry." "I mean, prepare to die, Prime." "You'll never win, Megatron." "Yeah, you beat me." "See you." "Wow." "Close." "Good thing you're letting us live among you or he would have captured the tree of..." " I thought it was a rock." " Huh?" "Let's say you've eaten a large Mexican meal before the long drive home." "There's a crap for that." "Or you have a bathroom within earshot of the people sitting in the living room." "There's a crap for that." "Or you go to a birthday party and discover you shouldn't be having dairy." "Well, there's a crap for that too." "Yep." "There's a crap for just about anything." "The new ePhonie." "It's all crap." "And now it's time for Ask a Celebrity." "Dear Miley Cyrus, do you do anything special to prepare for a big show?" "To ensure an electric performance I rub cats on myself and walk on a wool carpet." "Dear Simon Cowell, why are you always so grouchy?" "Because my shoes are made of porcupines." "But why are the porcupines so grouchy?" "Because we got Simon Cowell on our backs." "Shaun, how do you get your hair long?" "Every morning, I start fresh by putting Puddy-Doe in my chest and then lowering my arms." "We interrupt this program with some breaking news." "An octopus is trying to open a jar of peanut butter." "Ooh." "Peanut butter." "Is it worth it?" "We now return you to your regularly scheduled program." "What if you met someone who walked, talked and looked just like you but wasn't you?" "Who are you?" "He's your brother, you idiot." "It's the season premiere of How I Met My Brother." "You do look a lot like me." "You're twin brothers." "What don't you guys understand?" "And it's a special day for everyone." "Happy birthday." "It's my birthday." "It can't be." "It's my birthday." "Am I in some kind of alternate reality?" "You're brothers!" " We're what?" " Meow meow-meow." "We're what?" "How I Met My Brother is canceled." "Jargle." "It kills the germs that cause bad breath." "Uh, thank you, we'll call you." "I don't know what you people want." "That's exactly what it sounds like when a germ gets killed." "I didn't go to four years at Juilliard for nothing." "Has this ever happened to you?" "Or this?" "I'm Wolverine." "And if there's one thing I hate it's cleaners that don't do their job." "That's why I designed the Wolver-Clean." "A revolutionary new glove that will make fighting dirt extra easy." "With its three grime-fighting attachments, you'll be able to scrub brush..." " Aah!" "Aah!" "...and buffer." "Aah!" "Take the car, man." "Don't hurt me." "But don't just take my word for it." "Listen to these true believers." "I love it." "My armor is the shiniest it's ever been." "It's fantastic." "The Wolver-Clean got into areas even I couldn't reach." "I hate it." "It punctured my armor and nearly sliced my arm off." "Wait, that was Wolverine." "What did you say?" "The Wolver-Clean?" "Oh, I love the Wolver-Clean." "Plus, if you decide to keep it, I'll send you the Wolver-Steam." " It can get out all of your toughest stains." " Huh?" "Remember, I'm the best at what I do, and what I do is clean your house." "The Wolver-Clean, on sale now." "Hey, this is kind of awkward to ask but why did you de-friend me on Spacenook?" "Well, because you wrote on my wall." "Dude, my mom reads my wall." "Five more minutes." "Bounty hunters, enemy fighters and fancy CGI can't save these characters from looking just as wooden as Pinocchio." "Who, on a secret mission, leads the Jedi against the evil Count Poopoo." "You have learned much, Master Occhio." "I'm full of surprises, Poopoo." "I take it that's a lie." "Oh, no, Pinocchio." "Why you no have more Midichlorinies?" "Take him away." "Then give Poopoo a nice diagonal wipe." "Rex, we've got to get those plans." "I'm actually Spot." "That's Rex." " Oh." "Sorry, Spot." " Actually, I'm Checkers." "Ugh." "I hate working with clones." "Give it up, Poopoo." " Your army is on its last legs." " Says who?" "For starters, that last battle droid is just a repurposed Spell  Check." "Spell corset." "This is where Poopoo starts to run." "Mannequin, Poopoo is escaping." " Sudoku." " Yes, master?" "Prepare to catch Poopoo." "Ugh." "I hate his name." "But I love lasagna." "Wait till you get a load of me." "I think the gardener is here." "I'm the bounty hunter known as Bad Name." "I'm guessing Bad Outfit was already taken." ""I'm guessing Bad Outfit was already taken"." "Old Jedi mind trick." "It wasn't a Jedi mind trick." "I was clearly mocking you." "But I am free for landscaping and general lawn care." "No?" "Not interested?" "Then die." "What's the news, Poopoo?" " Actually, you're in the potato salad." " What?" "Oh, gross." "Did you get...?" "Get the plan?" "Uh, my lord, you seem to be breaking up a bit." "Huh?" "Oh, sorry." "I'm microwaving a burrito." "Not to worry, my lord." "Soon the entire galaxy will be yours to rule." "Rule?" "Who wants to rule it?" "I want to own it." "You have any idea what the toy rights are worth?" "Then what are these plans for?" "Duh." "An amusement park." " What about the senate and the...?" " Blah, blah, blah." "That's a day job." "The real money is in marketing." "Luckily, my other clone army has been much more productive." "What other clone army?" "Oh, no, look." "George Troopers." "You, take their light sabers." "Create a video game." "You, make an animated sitcom." "I want a bounty hunter clothing line this week." " I've got a bad feeling about this." " You and the rest of the universe." " Take them away." " Roger." " Actually, that's Roger." "I'm Buster." " No, I'm Sparky." "Ugh." "I hate Mondays."