"This is not a dream." "This is not a dream." "Okay." "Okay." "This is not a dream." "This is not a dream." "This is not a dream." "Not a dream." "How did I get here?" "I don't know." "Somebody just transferred me here." "I don't wanna give you my information again." "I just told someone 5 times." "Can one of you behave like a real person, please?" "I'm calling about..." "Right, yes, I'm her son." "What kind of cancer are we talking about?" "What are our options?" "What about a liver transplant?" "Why not?" "Ask about her Child-Pugh score." "Trust me." "What's her Child-Pugh score?" "B. Uh..." "What about her bilirubin levels?" "If they're low enough, they might consider yttrium-90." "Hold on." "You have really bad social skills." "Can you pretend to not listen to my conversation?" "Nobody likes that guy." "Don't be that guy." "Eyes on the prize." "Yeah." "What about yttrium-90?" "Her bilirubin levels are too high." "Okay, listen." "I'm gonna get on a flight in the morning." "Uh, so I should be at the hospital by 3." "Just have her call me tonight, so I know I'm wanted." "Thanks." "Fuck." " This is about your mom?" " Yeah." "How long are they giving her?" "I don't know, a few years." " I'm so sorry." " Yeah." "What are you doing?" "I gotta roll a joint before the meteor shower starts." "Why?" "We're about to watch a fucking meteor shower. "Why."" "Oh, here." "That's for when you apply to college in a few years." "Use me as a reference." "You're a postdoctoral scientist at Tristana Pharmaceuticals." " Yup." " So you already knew..." "Oh, that cancery stuff, yeah, I did." "Anyway, I should be able to help you get you into a top ten pre-med in a few years." "What makes you think I wanna go pre-med?" "Well, other than the fact that you know what yttrium-90 is when most of your peers are still battling to crack the mysteries of parallel parking." "That's just because my mom..." "Your mom died of liver cancer." "Yeah, I know." "Your book bag has a cancer ribbon pinned to what could only be a picture of your mom." "She fits the age range." "And you guys have the same nose bridge." "Makes sense you wanting to become a doctor that saves people." "Right?" "To make up for the doctor that couldn't save your mom." "Then, with time, those good intentions will fade and it'll become about the money like it always does." "And you'll become bitter, like everyone always becomes." "And then you die, probably from cancer." "You know, because that's ironic." "Is there something wrong with you?" "Probably, yeah." "Don't worry, I'm working on it." "I just fired my therapist." "She was such an idiot though." "She diagnosed me with narcissistic personality disorder." "She said I'm under the grand delusion that I'm the smartest person in the world." "To which I responded, "What if I really am?"" " You know?" " Hey, over here." "Watch out!" "You okay?" "You alright?" "This... this doesn't feel real." "What?" "I feel like my life just flashed before my eyes, you know, like in a movie where the main character dies in the beginning but he keeps going, not realizing he's dead." "Hey, what's that movie I'm talking about?" "You know what I mean." "It's like, um..." "What is it?" "It's..." "Oh, um, sure, uh, yeah." "Like, uh, Bruce Willis in "The Sixth Sense?"" "Exactly." "Yeah." "Wait, no." "You know what, I never saw that." "Shit." "That's the twist that everyone was talking about?" "Bruce Willis dies in the beginning of that." "That sucks." "Ah, I really wanted to see that." "Fuck." "I'm sorry." "I guess I just thought everyone had seen it." "No, don't worry." "Now, I'm not that mad." "I mean I am, but I'll get over it." "That's a lie." "I'll probably harbor this for a few months at least and then, you know, we'll see." "See what happens." "Oh, that's cute." "Do you have an eating problem?" "Oh, not like..." "Sorry." "I shouldn't have said that." "Dude, come on, you do realize my date isn't the one with the eating problem, right?" "Oh." "Wha..." "Uh-oh, Kimberly's annoyed." "Kimberly." "Kimberly." "Hey." " How do you do that?" " What?" "I haven't seen you in a year when I was literally just thinking about you." " Oh, really?" " Yeah." "Because of that song." "I was listening to it as I was walking here." "It reminded me of the hotel." "The one we stayed at for my friend's wedding in Paris." "Yeah, yeah, Paris." "City of Lights and pretension as I recall." "We had one of our biggest fights." "And that was your friend's wedding from Wisconsin, right?" "What was her name, Lenora or Lee Anora?" " Sarah?" "Right." " I remember that wedding." "I remember that was the one where the DJ played that Montell Jordan song twice." "I remember, the first time we thought it was ironic then we realized he just liked the song." "Definitely our biggest fight." "The beginning of the end, really." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Look, It's like the Beatles, right?" "I mean, I liked them when I was 5." "But at a certain point, you just want something with a little more nuance, you know?" "Don't get me wrong." "I could handle them a little better when they had Pete Best to ground them but past that, I don't know, they just got so pedestrian." " Do you come here a lot?" " Do I come to the cemetery?" "I like cemeteries." "You know, they're romantic." "Especially this one." "Soccer is by far the most elegant sport." "Yeah, I read somewhere it's gonna overtake football in America in the next 2 years." " Really?" "2 years?" " A friend of mine described it." "Clock's ticking." "He blogged, "Soccer's..." "soccer's chess on a field."" "Do you have a vomit bag..." "vomit bags on you?" "I'll send you the link." "I guess we could just..." "I'd hate to throw up on a grave." "Why didn't you just go to the Griffith Park Observatory then to watch the meteor shower?" "Oh, they have assholes there too." "Trust me." "There're assholes all over the city" "But rarely do you get to be next to one so spectacular." "The only knock on him though, I have to say, is that he's from New York." "I can't stand that place." "Seriously." "It's so overrated." "Why?" "Because of all the bridges and the culture and the history they have?" "Who needs it?" "I'll take Orlando any day." "They got so many more T.G.I. Fridays." "Do I love L.A.?" "You know, Los Angeles is just more modern." "It has a certain relevancy about it" "New York just doesn't have anymore." "Kimberly, I was wondering if I could have your number?" " What?" " Your phone number?" "Dude... she's with me." "No." " Uh, yeah, she is." " No, she's not." "Not yet anyway." "At best, this is a first date." "And I'm shocked that that even happened." "I have nothing against you." "You might not be a bad guy." "Most likely you are but maybe not." "You're incredibly handsome and you were probably very handsome when you were a kid, too." "I think that explains your lack of substance and personality." "Only because nobody's ever really challenged you before." "So now as an adult you think everything you say means something, but it means nothing actually." "You don't know what you're talking about." "And it's really upsetting." "And I think she probably sees through that." "You're very pretty, but you're shallow beyond belief." "Anyway, can I have your number?" " Okay, okay." " What are you doing?" "You just said all that shit." "Yeah, but it was just an observation." "And you ask my girl out in front of me?" "Oh, shit." "Sorry, my mistake." "I see that now." "I shouldn't have done that." "She's way too beautiful." "What?" "No." "I just should be more of a realist." "I should know that I'm a C, maybe a C plus in the winter time when I can cover up my body more." "And even though you're a douche bag, you're still incredibly attractive." "So maybe it's only fair you two pair." " What?" "It rhymed." " She's right, it rhymed." "Let's..." "Can you just put me down?" "This is embarrassing now for everyone." "Okay." "Come on, Josh." "The line's moving." " Let's..." "Let's just go." "Come on." " Oh, yeah..." "Gotta get a good seat." "The only thing wrong with you is you're chicken shit." "That's all." " That's not the only problem." " Let's go." "Excuse me." " Excuse me." " One of many." " You okay?" " Yeah." "I shouldn't have talked." "That's when I get into trouble." "I'm sorry I made fun of your sandwich bag." "I didn't mean to." "Actually, that's not true, I did." "Sorry." "I'm really nervous." "It's okay." "I'm sorry he bothered you." "I was not nervous because of him." "Okay." "Bye." "She is so..." "Beautiful." "Kim, come on, the wedding's in an hour." "You gotta get ready." "So... have you ever dreamt about me?" " Dreamt about you?" " Yeah." "You know, in the 700 plus days we've dated." "You ever dreamt about me?" "So..." "Yeah, of course." "Oh, yeah?" "Like, uh, sex dreams?" "At first, but then we had sex, and that went away." "Ha." "Is that how you really wanna say that?" "So I was all hot to trot for you or whatever in the beginning." "And now, you know, reality has set in." "But that's not what I meant." "I meant like..." "A dream, like ambiguous depictions of what we are or were, or could be." "Stuff like that." "Can you stop already?" "I got it." " Why, I oughta..." " Oh, hey, whoo." "Put that down." "You're gonna hurt yourself." " What are you doing?" " I'm a give you what for." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "You good?" "Okay." "Okay." "That was fun." "Does it bother you that you don't make me happy?" " Always with the jokes." " I'm serious." "Seriously?" "You went from sex dreams to not being happy?" "False." "I wasn't talking about sex dreams, you were." "And secondly, I'm a girl, so yes, we non-sequitur." " That's a little cliched." " I want a baby." "Point taken." "Seriously." "Don't you want a baby?" "Someday, sure." "But let's burn that bridge when we get to it, okay?" "See?" "Not making me happy." "How do you do that?" "How do you do that?" "Oh, my God." "She's beautiful." "She's beyond beautiful." "And she's real." "She seems funny, too." "And there's a hint of crazy, I can feel it." "Beautiful, crazy, and funny." "Jesus Christ." "She's perfect." "It's really annoying." "Really..." "That's two near collisions for you now in a row." "Well, at least this one's nonfatal." "Okay." " Okay." " Okay." " Bye." " Uh, yeah." "What the fuck was that?" "Wait." "Wait." "What are we doing?" "Are we in a chase scene now?" "What are we doing?" "Wait, just stop for a second." "So I thought I saw somebody, a friend of mine behind you coming over." "So that's why I turned around and waited." "So what's the big deal?" "It wasn't because you were watching me?" "Because it looked like you were kinda watching me." "No, it was because of a friend that was behind you." "So they're not there now obviously." "Besides, you were being weird." "You were talking to yourself." "What were you saying anyway?" "You say "so" a lot." "It's really annoying." "So..." "Are you trying to make this awkward now?" " It feels awkward now." " Awkward feels good to me." "And awkward feels awkward to me." "That's a little on the nose, don't you think?" "I'm not trying to fuck you." "If that's what you're worried about, I mean." "I'm not gonna ask you out because I don't believe in love." "I think all relationships deteriorate into hate indifference or..." "Well, yeah, those two things." "My parents have been together for 32 years." " And they're happily in love." " No, they're not." " Yes, they are." " No, they're not." "If they haven't divorced by now probably means they've just surrendered to the fact that being apart isn't much better than being together." "You know, the lesser of two evils." "Trust me, it's like an emotional holocaust between your parents right now." "They probably have lukewarm feelings about you too." "I'm Dell, by the way." "So, no offense, but I have a-a thing about shaking hands." "Oh, my God." "You are a little crazy." "That's great." " You're not impressing me." " I disagree." "You know, you should stop trying to sound so smart all the time." "You just wind up sounding really dumb." "It's just I realized why you date guys like that." "You have terrible taste in men because you're superficial." "You're fooling yourself in the hopes of finding something redeemable." "It's because of love." "That's your blind spot." "You gotta give up on that." "Wow." "Okay." "Well, I thank you for your insight, stranger but I actually believe love is real." "I'm gonna go now." "Wait." "Can I still get your..." " Hello, boyfriend." " Hey." "Hey, listen, Roxette's on, and the good part is coming up." "Can I call you back?" "Wait-wait, I just have to tell you something more important really quick." "You know that book I've been reading, "The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins... ♪ Leave the winter on the ground ♪" "There's this fascinating part I just read about memes." "He basically says that ideas are like genes that self-replicate and mutate like a cultural form of evolution... ♪ Touch me now, I close my eyes... ♪" "I was thinking how that applies to us, you know?" "The idea of us, how we've really mutated and evolved... ♪ And it's a hard winter's day... ♪" "Right?" "because you think about it, we were just dumb, young kids when we first met." "And then we broke up, got back together, blah blah blah." "And now, we're this really mature, loving couple who's grown respect and admiration for each other." "You know what I mean?" "Kimberly?" "You hung up on me, didn't you?" "♪ But it's over now ♪" "♪ From the moment we touched ♪" "♪ Until the time had run out ♪" "♪ Yeah ♪♪" "Well, maybe you could." "Well, because I'd like her to be at the best place." "Well, then maybe you can introduce me to the head guy at the cancer immunology lab." "Because I've taken an interest, that's all." "Yes, mom, I meditated." "I meditate before every date, but it didn't help." "Face facts, no one thinks I'm special but you." "Well, I'm still technically on it." "But it's not working out, trust me." "He called himself a Bob Dylan song and then proceeded to call me a Britney Spears song." "I don't know what it means either, but it sounds insulting." "No, not him." "Uh, the one with glasses, mustache." "Looks like a child trafficker." "Yeah, yeah, that's the one." "Well, if I..." "I gotta go." "I gotta go." "Can I ask you a serious question?" "Do you think I have terrible taste in men?" "Okay, I'm back." "Uh-huh." " Well, I'm at..." " I have to talk to you." " I'm on the phone." " No, it's really important." " Really important." " I'm on the friggin' phone." "Have you ever cried at one of these things?" "I was wondering." "Mom, I have to go." "Something weird is happening." " One of what things?" " These meteor shower things." "Cried?" "Yeah, you know, like tears of joy, that kind of thing." "No." "I've never cried at one of these things." "Neither have I. Ever, ever." "In fact, I don't understand people that do." "It's kind of bullshit, happy crying is, isn't it?" "What are your thoughts on that?" "So I was on the phone." "So, yeah, you were on the phone." "Sorry." "Was it important?" "More important than your question?" " Yes." " Yes." "My mistake." "Sorry." "I'll never interrupt you again." " Thank you." " Okay." "Well..." "I should get back to my date." "He's probably..." "But I just wanna keep talking to you." " What?" " I wanna keep talking to you for multiple reasons." "I mean, you're beautiful, but it's more than that." "I promise." "That's very nice, but I should go." "Maybe I'll see you in the winter when you're a C plus." "See?" "I knew it." "I knew you were superficial." "I told you." "The only reason that you're talking to me is because you think I'm hot." "Yeah, but the only reason why you won't is because you think I'm not." "Fine." "Give me a reason why I should?" "I was saying, "Don't miss her."" "Earlier, when you saw me talking to myself." "I was saying, "Don't miss her."" "I'm always so afraid I'm gonna miss the important things in life." "Something about you has given me a heightened curiosity to know you better." "And that is a near impossible feat when it comes to me because I hate getting to know people." "But I can tell you're not like the others." " What others?" " People." "People?" "You can tell I'm not a person?" "Yeah, you're not phony like them." "Also, I didn't say you were hot." "I said you are beautiful." "When is this dumb thing gonna happen?" "It's a beautiful night though." "What?" "I never know what that means when people say that it's a beautiful night?" "What does it mean?" "So... well, to me means it's comfortable, familiar..." "Yet deeply moving." "Right, no..." "I feel you like, uh, like getting stoned and listening to Steely Dan." "No." "Nothing at all like that." "No..." "I know." "More like..." "Yeah, like..." "Floating down a serene lake in a rowboat when the sun is setting or rising... or when the sun is being a part of nature." " Stop speaking." " Okay." "It's beautiful when the weather is not hot or cold." "Kinda like you don't notice it." "Kinda like it's perfect because everything is so balanced." "You don't even feel it." "And while you're feeling that non-feeling you look up in the sky and you almost think that's why." "Because how everything is right now, all the stars and planets and us and the ground, and the cells and molecules right now... is exactly the reason why now is comfortable." " You're a now person." " True." "Yeah, see, I'm a 5-minutes-from-now person." "Because 5 minutes from now, a gust of wind could come in and blow H1N1 in everyone's eyes." "Right." "Except that's highly unlikely." "Or 5 minutes from now, an earthquake could erupt and swallow us all whole." "Right." "Except that..." "No, shit, that could actually happen." "Yeah." "The point is I'm way too anxious about what could happen 5 minutes from now to be content with now." "Can't do it." "What if something good happens 5 minutes from now?" " Can't that happen?" " No." "What did you think was gonna happen 5 minutes before you met me?" "I'm just really paranoid I'm gonna miss it." "I miss things a lot." "I don't care if I miss it because..." "You're a now person." "Got it." "So another weird thing." "I don't mind your pessimism as much as I usually mind pessimism." "That's great." "I hate people who think I'm too negative." "Also, I like your hat." "Yeah, I'm probably gonna fall in love with you." "Wow." "That's it?" "What were you hoping for?" "I'm going to fall in love with you, too?" "No, but..." "Well, yeah." "So all that stuff about not believing in relationships..." "Oh, that's just a pick-up line." "Do we have a deal then?" "Cause you said you believe in love." "I don't." "Let's put it to the test." "Date each other." "Me and you." "In a relationship." "Let's do it." "Why the hell am I shaking your hand?" "I should be scared to death of who you are as a person." "Instead, I'm scared to death of weddings." "Death." "Literally." "I'd probably have a coronary right as I'm walking up the aisle." "Oh, God, please invite me to your wedding." "I would love to see that." "Well, that's morbid and telling." "Yeah, well, if snuff films were readily available" "I'd probably watch them, not gonna lie." "Is that a deal breaker for you?" "No, because for some reason" "I still happen to be in love with you." "No, it's because you didn't think that you'd be the one marrying me." "You don't smoke weed." "What are you doing?" "Don't do that." "So do you still love me?" "I tell you all the time, if you died right now" "I'd visit your grave every single day." "Not every day, that's crazy." "That doesn't answer the question." "Of course, I love you." "It never sounds real when you say it." "Like it doesn't exist." "So what are you doing here?" " Going up north." " Why would you do that?" " I don't know." " You don't know?" "I'm..." "I'm kidding." "I'm going to meet someone." "So right, okay." " How's your mom doing?" " She's actually fine." "I can't believe I haven't talked to you this long." "Yeah, turns out her doctors are huge idiots." "So I kinda took matters in my own hand." "I figured out a way to dose her with that experimental drug we've been developing in our lab." "Wait." "Are you allowed to do that?" "No." "Wasn't that extremely dangerous?" " Yeah." "Oh, yeah." " She's fine now?" "Yeah, completely." "She's in remission." "So..." " Dell, that's great." " Yeah." "I mean, other than the totally-unethical-recklessly- risking-your-mom's-life part." "That's... that's, You... you saved her." "Yeah, I guess." "We should probably keep that between us... by the way" "Because there's a good chance what I did was illegal... ish." "Right." " Oh." " All aboard." "Right." "We should probably..." "Okay, right." "Well, still, wow." "I can't believe you're curing cancer now." "Does that mean you've stopped hating people?" "Not at all." "Kill Zelda Fitzgerald." "Right?" "Who is that?" " Really?" " I don't know who that is." "F. Scott Fitzgerald's annoying... wife." " Oh, really?" " Yeah." "Oh." "I'd definitely marry Rita Hayworth." "Great hair." "Hair, right." "Guys love her hair." "I definitely have to shit out of this one." "Olga Kordinstitch?" "Who is that?" "I don't know." "I've just always wanted to fuck an Olga." "I would definitely marry Tupac." "Kimberly Shakur." "It's got a good ring to it." "I would definitely "F" Edward R. Murrow." "I picture him starting up sex with" ""Good night, and good luck."" "I'd probably laugh so much that I'd have an orgasm right then and there." "From the laughter, you know?" "I lied about not seeing "The Sixth Sense."" "Of course I saw it." "Everybody saw it." "It's amazing." "Who didn't see "The Sixth Sense?"" "Why would you lie about that?" "I read in a woman's magazine that every relationship whether it be short term, or long term there's usually, like, one big lie relative to that relationship and I just..." "I wanted to get mine over with, I guess." "Why would you want to get a jump start on the lying?" "Because..." "Because of five minutes from now." "Well, yeah..." "You're assuming that we're in a relationship or going to be when I'm still technically on a date with someone else." "Which I should probably be getting back to. by the way." "What about the handshake?" "We shook hands." "You can't do that." "I was leading you on." "That's really fucked up." "That's the business." "Well, what about a friendship?" "Actually, what am I talking about?" "I definitely don't want to be friends with you." "I was raped." "In high school." "By the quarterback..." "of the football team." "Jesus." "I know." "That is a terrible lie." "Hey!" "How do you know that's a lie?" "You were raped in high school by the quarterback of the football team?" "I don't think after-school specials are that cliched." "You couldn't have gone with, like, a cornerback or defensive end or something?" "Well, I was just trying to get mine over with." " Get what over who?" " My lie to you." " You can't." " Why can't?" "Because I saw it coming, because we just talked about it." "You've got to wait until I'm in a completely vulnerable position where I'd really fall for it." "That sounds really dangerous." "Oh, yeah, that's the problem with relationships." "Danger?" " Or worse." " Worse?" "You could change the other person." "You're a very broken man, Dell." "In theory." "Speaking of broken men, your goateed Philistine is sashaying towards us." " Run!" " What?" " Run!" " What?" "Run!" "Well, that's settled." "Wanna hit?" "No way." "It has a weird effect on me." "For some reason, when I'm high, I think people can't hear me and I start speaking really loudly." "Do you remember memorizing phone numbers?" "I don't remember the last time I memorized a phone number." "I don't either, actually." "Remember checking the newspaper for movie showtimes?" "Remember that?" "Or writing people those notes in those, like, folded-up triangles and then putting them in their lockers." "Do you think kids still do that?" "As opposed to just e-mails or texts?" "No way." "It's all about e-mails and texts with those goddamn hugs and kisses." "I hate those things." "Whenever anybody e-mails me hugs and kisses" "I wanna just e-mail them back oral and penetration." "Are we old?" "Are we talking like old people?" "Are we on the verge of joining the sweatpants culture?" "Was I just saying something?" "What?" "Was I?" "Give me that." " Why?" " Give me that." "Okay, that's it for you." "I think you should start drinking some coffee." "Okay?" "See, that's why I hate time." "I believe I want to have sex with you now." "I believe I share in that belief." "Hey, uh, uh..." "Okay." "We gotta get ready." "Come on." "What the F?" "I thought we were gonna make it!" "I know, but we gotta go, Kim." "Really." "What's that?" "What is that?" "You ordered Chinese food?" "Who orders Chinese food in Paris?" "Kim, they're going to have dinner at the wedding, you know?" "The wedding that we're supposed to go to in half an hour." "And you just ate lunch." "You're not full?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Oh, Jesus." "This is the pot talking." "You shouldn't have smoked." "I knew it." "You gotta get ready." "What are you doing?" "You made me promise to get you down there on time no matter what." "You warned me you would do this." "See, this is why I hate time." "I can't enjoy my sesame chicken because of it." "Kim." "Wish I could just stop it or something." "Or at least just make it pause when needed, like now." "Or better yet, just get rid of it altogether." "You wanna get rid of time?" "How would you do that?" "You know how there's time-based art?" "Movies, music, plays, it's all time-based art." "There's a beginning, and a middle and an end." "You have to see it from the beginning to the end." "You're restrained to that timeline..." "That way of experiencing it." "But then there's paintings." "No beginning, no middle, no end." "You see what you want to see when you want to see it." "No restrictions, it's just there." "Okay, so you want life to be a painting?" "Great." "What?" "Thanks." "So, do you know you really love me?" "So, what's in your pocket?" "My wallet." "It's stuffed with our saved movie ticket stubs because I'm a romantic like that." "Can you please get ready?" "Shhh!" "Can't you see, I'm trying to touch my toes?" "I really don't want to be that couple that's always late for things." "Can we please not be that couple?" "At least for the tenure of our relationship?" "Please." "You did it again!" "What?" "What, I'm just saying I want us to respect time." "Not that." "Okay, what then?" "What did I do that I did twice now and still not know?" "You said "the tenure of our relationship."" "You keep speaking about our relationship as if it's ending." "Okay." "You see how this relates to the time thing?" "Why don't you take your own advice and instead of seeing a beginning, middle, and end, just see it as a painting." "Kimberly!" "What are you doing?" "We're going to be late!" "And I'm gonna somehow get blamed for it, I know it." "What are you reading?" "Roald Dahl short stories." "So, is it about a girl?" "Is it about a new girl you're going up north?" "A new girlfriend you're not telling me because you think it'll make it awkward..." "Yeah." "So, right." "Okay." "New girl." "I love Roald Dahl." "He's the best." "Which one are you reading?" "And are you sleeping with anyone?" "The one about Hitler." "And yes." "Shit." "I didn't know he wrote one about Hitler." "Uh... kind of." "It's about this doctor that saves this woman's life." "She's on the verge of death through the whole delivery." "And this doctor is so determined to save this woman's life and the life of her unborn child, right?" "But, it turns out that the child is Hitler." "Okay, uh..." "Did you just give away the ending?" "How was I supposed to tell you what the story was about without giving away the ending?" "What are you talking about?" "Just say..." "It's a story about a doctor who saves a woman from a potentially fatal pregnancy?" " Because that's what the story is about." " It is." "False, birdbrain." "That is not what the story is about." "It's about the irony that the baby's Hitler." " Okay, you're mad." " I'm not mad." " You're mad 'cause of the girl." " I'm seeing a guy." "Jack." "You're seeing a Jack?" "He's an executive at MTV." "Looks like a cross between Salvador Dali and Dwayne Wayne from "A Different World," which is hot." "That's a weird combination." "I gotta go to the bathroom really quick." "Well, that... fucking..." "Hurt." "What?" "You hung up on me." "What happened?" "Because." "Okay, you realize that's not an answer to my question, right?" "What is it that I can help you with, sir?" "I don't know." "Have I told you how much New York reminds of why I hate L.A. so much?" "No, please do, because the New Yorker who opines the inferiorities of Los Angeles is bursting with originality." "I'm serious, Kimberly we gotta move here, it is the fucking best." "It's enough already with L.A." "It's like a mix of moral nihilism and Disneyland." "So are you." "Hey, did I tell you the proof of concept on our drug passed with flying colors?" "There's actually a bidding war between a few pharmas right now." "Looks like we could be licensing it for close to 25 million." "Money for soul seems like..." "An even swap, yes, it's not like I'm not happy for you but you did already tell me this all this morning, remember?" " Did I really?" " Uh-huh." "Oh shit, my short-term memory must be shot." "What with the smoking pot and whatnot." "I'm your new second-term girlfriend, man aren't you supposed to be, like, impressing me still?" "Your second-term boyfriend just told you he made his bosses close to 25 million dollars today." "I'm not materialistic." "I know that, but 25 million dollars sort of, I don't know, makes that sound retarded." "Okay, seeing as there's no new information in this call" "I am going to go." "I'm almost at the gun range." "Hey, don't you think it's cute that you own a gun card and I own a pot card?" "Now you sound retarded." "Listen, we should probably stop saying retarded." "I'm starting to feel like an asshole." "Oh, is that just now starting?" "What's going on?" "You sound off." "You're off." "No, no, no, I'm serious." "Your cadence is all over the place." "You sound a little like Miss Teschmacher when she betrayed Lex Luthor." "Something's wrong, I can tell." "What's going on?" "Oh, God, this is gonna blow." "What's going on?" "Oh, shit, this is bad, isn't it?" "This is like infidelity bad." "I definitely heard a silence just now!" "What is going on?" "!" "You okay?" "Yeah, you okay?" "So... it's been a while." "Yup." " I'm glad you're finally here." " Yeah, me too." "I've been trying to get a hold of you for a long time now." "Do you want a tour of the place?" "No." "Oh, okay." "Seriously?" "Oh, yeah." "You know I don't care about stupid shit like that." "Right, sorry, I've adjusted to normal people so your presence is gonna take some realignment." "You moving?" "Uh, no, kind... kind of." "Um, do you want anything, by the way?" "Like, uh..." "I want to talk." "What?" "Nothing, for a second I..." "I forgot what you looked like." "For the record, I've never forgotten what you looked like." "Okay, chill out, okay." "I didn't sleep with anyone!" "Okay, did you see and/or touch another man's penis in any way?" "Really?" "Out of all the things you want to know this is what you wanna ask me the most?" "What kinda question is that." "Of course that's what I want to know the most!" "No." "Penises were not involved." "Were your boobs and/or vagina..." "No." "It was texts." "That's all it was." "I should never have gone against my own advice." "I should always be the better looking one in the relationship but I just sort of hit an impasse on that." "Honestly, gosh, Dell, do you really think that that..." "Who was it?" "It was my in-between ex..." "Jack." "Jack, the MTV exec?" "Are you fucking serious?" "I thought you hated MTV!" "Isn't he short?" "He's not tall." "Wha..." "Are you seriously defending him?" "You can't call him short, you have to go with "not tall?"" "Jesus, you like him?" "Why the fuck are you being so sangfroid over this shit?" "You're being way too easy on yourself!" "You should know I'm standing in the middle of a monsoon right now." "Well... so, maybe I should let you go then?" "Why?" "Because I'm standing in the middle of a monsoon?" "No, because you..." "Yes, because you're standing in the middle of a monsoon!" "Um..." "Are you okay?" "What are you staring at?" "Oh, my thesis." "That reminds me." "I've been keeping articles about you." "They said that your drug led to major breakthroughs in cancer treatment." "It's amazing, Dell." "Your mom, especially, must be proud." " That's me and..." " Jack." "How long have you guys been engaged?" "So... what are you talking about?" "You've boxed up a lot of old kitchen appliances over there which means you've either declared a fatwa on General Electric or you're wedding registering the fuck out of your friends and family." "You've been fidgeting with your ring finger non-stop." "You're also giving me that look like you're trying to think of a lie real quick." "I might beat the shit out of you." "The wedding's in a few weeks." "Question is, where's the ring?" "It's getting sized." "Huh?" "Question number two, why didn't you tell me?" "I was going to tell you before you did your whole annoying MacGyver thing." "I don't think that's the reference you're looking for." "Does Jack even know I'm here?" "Trust me, he knows you're here." "What does that mean?" "Why did you scoff?" "What scoff?" "I didn't scoff." "You scoffed." "You guys fought about me coming." "I'm actually kind of flattered, didn't know yours truly could threaten the evil prince of the MTV generation." "First of all, Jack's leaving MTV." "His article in Esquire was optioned by George Clooney." "Yeah, well, I won my fantasy baseball league last year." "Let's not talk about Jack, okay?" "I'm happy to not talk about Jack." "What's the smoking rule in here?" "Is he making a face?" "Is that..." "That's just how he looks." "So, I had a very vivid dream the other night about us." "A vivid dream?" "What was it about, this vivid dream?" "It was a dream of memories." "'Uh, conversations that we've had.'" "'I saved your life.'" "You owe the person that saved you, don't you think?" "You had a dream that was really a series of memories of conversations we've had?" "Yeah, don't hurt yourself, it's not that complicated." "Cause to the brain, there's no difference between reality and dreams." "They were just memories of us over the years." "What if I don't subscribe to a culture of indentured servitude?" "You can't unsubscribe." "It's a thing of nature it's here to stay." "They weaved in and out of each other like those M.C. Escher drawings." "So, one second I'd be on that train that time we got back together after our first breakup another second I was on the phone in New York." "The last time we ever talked to each other." "But they blended together like a..." "Painting?" "I saved your life." "If it weren't for me, you would have been run over by that car." "You would have been splat just like my timeless life painting thing." "And they were all real..." "But there was one moment in the dream that was, um..." "Well, it... it..." "it was one we never had, it was the only one." "What was it about?" "This made-up moment?" "It's gonna sound weird, but it was us talking after not having talked for however long." "So, wait, I'm confused." "It was..." "This moment." "This moment that we're having right now." "So me coming over, seeing your apartment, your life with Jack and reconnecting..." "Oh, God, I feel sick." "I blame L.A. for this." "This is what happens when you fall in love in Los Angeles." "Fuck!" "So, what is this?" "Are you breaking up with me?" "I don't want to, no." "But you like this Jack guy, right?" "Do you realize Jack Tripper was one of my favorite characters in all of fiction and you've forever ruined his good name?" "Shit!" "Can I..." "Shit, I can't even order a Jack and Coke anymore!" "A vodka soda!" "A vodka soda?" "My life is ruined!" "Okay." "We should just get off the phone, okay." "You're mad, and any words we exchange now are gonna be bleak at best..." "I can't believe this." "You used to never want to get off the phone." "No, I used to want to get off the phone, I just used to not." "And now you can't wait togetoffthe phone." "I don't even know what we're fighting about anymore, okay." "If you wanna yell at me about Jack, fine, but I'm too tired for another one of your meta arguments." "I don't deserve to be treated like this." "I thought you were supposed to be my indentured servant?" "Whatever happened to that, huh?" "So, what are you talking about right now?" "I'm talking about that-that prescription to life thing." "Right, except it's subscription to nature." "Whatever." "No, you have this backwards, kid, I saved your life." "But then I saved your life." "When were on the train, we ran into each other, and we got back together." "You mean, when you stalked and followed me onto the train?" "I saved your life because you got off at Chico." "You weren't supposed to get off at Chico." "You were supposed to go on to Portland, but because of me you got off at Chico instead and you weren't on the train when it derailed." "You could have died." "No one died, Dell." "The point remains..." "No, that's not the same, okay." "You would absolutely have died had I not saved you." "Plus, I saw that car coming." "I knew it was going to hit you, and I saved you." "I knowingly saved you." "Yeah, well, that's starting to feel like a minus, not a plus." "Be that as it may, you didn't know you were saving me." "You were just trying to get back in my pants." "No!" "I was trying to get you back!" "Which just happens to include getting into your pants." "So yours was a sinister doing, mine was pure altruism." "But I knowingly saved you too." "We just went over this, pothead..." "You were supposed to get off at Portland to meet Jack but I knowingly saved you from him." "Except I didn't, did I?" "Fuck!" "I should have told you I loved you more." "When we were together, I mean." "I was also such a dick to you but I thought you'd find it endearing for some reason like..." "like people feel about Don Rickles or Mussolini." "It's not an excuse, it's just a reason." "Anyway, I'm sorry, okay." "I need a drink." "In a bad way." "There's a bar car here, they sell drinks." "Let's go." "No, doesn't that mean we have to walk in between the cars?" "No, I can't do that while the train's moving." " Oh, don't be such a pussy." " Said the dick." "Besides, the world's at war right now, so I think we should..." "We should take every little opportunity to put ourselves in harm's way." "Alleviate some of the guilt, you know?" "No, no, there's all the scary noises that the train makes and what if I fell?" "I don't have the best relationship with gravity." "Put your iPod on and play something calming that'll drown out the sound, and I'll hold your hand." "So you don't fall." "Come on." "Come on." "I won't let you go." "I promise." "♪ Tied to my bed ♪" "♪ I was younger then ♪" "♪ I had nothing to spend ♪" "♪ But time on you ♪" "♪ But it made me love it made me love ♪" "♪ It made me love more ♪" "♪ Do what you said the words she said left out ♪" "♪ Over unto the sky where I'll soon fly ♪" "♪ And she took the time ♪" "♪ To believe in ♪ ♪ to believe in... ♪♪" "Have you ever tried asking someone" ""Where's my fucking money?" You ever done that?" "You mean, at random, or when I'm actually owed money?" "No, at random obviously." "Right, I don't know what I was thinking." "It's fun, you should try it." "Ask me." "Ask me where's my fucking money?" "Where's my fucking money?" "Where's my fucking money?" "Oh, no, motherfucker." "Where's my fucking money!" "If I don't get my fucking money right fucking now..." "Where's my goddamn money, you motherfucker?" "What the fuck?" "Jesus." "That was really fun." "Wait." "It's just that..." "Say what you were going to say, and then, after you say it maybe we should, like, not talk for a minute." "You know, like, let a whole minute pass by without saying something." "But go ahead and say what you were gonna say and then we can start right after that." "I'm really gonna miss you tomorrow." "So, wait, you're saying you dreamt this conversation?" "A conversation that didn't take place until now?" "I'm saying I dreamt a bunch of conversations, including this one which led me to come here, because it made me think about how much I regretted..." "Do you regret meeting me, Dell?" "No, of course not." "I'm glad we dated." "I needed to date you." "Before you, I only dated guys that looked good on paper." "Yeah." "Wait, what?" "You were really, really smart, but also selfish, crass..." "Not always in an entertaining way, mind you." "You hated your job and life and you were completely comfortable being miserable." "You're horrible on paper." "And I loved you." "Being with you made me realize it..." "Doesn't have to look good on paper to feel good." " What kind of sandwich..." " PB and J." "Of course." " What's your favorite word?" " Comet." " "Comet?"" " Right." "Not like "proliferate," "ensconce"" ""kerfuffle," or "serendipity."" ""Comet?" Like..." ""comet?"" "Yeah." "Exactly like that." "What about your least favorite word?" "I don't strongly dislike any word." "I sort of have a love-hate relationship with the word" ""fingerfuck," but that's technically two words and I like each one separately." "So, do you ever wish you could, like, control society for a couple of minutes?" "Like make them all hate MTV or something?" "I don't think MTV is as important as you think it is." "You're so wrong." "MTV is so manipulative." "It's like a drug which you get hooked on at age twelve that you can't wake up from until you're probably, like, thirty when you finally realize how awful it really was." "But by then, it's too late." "They've, like, won." "You've watched all their commercials during their week's sweep." "I believe it's "sweeps week."" "You don't deserve me." "I can tell." "That's perfect." "I want someone I don't deserve." "You think you've won me." "I can't believe you think you've won me already." "Are you kidding?" "You ditched a much prettier man to stay with me." "I've definitely won you." "You're so wrong, my friend." "Holy shit." "You are so easily amused." "Cause of the boots, huh?" "Sarah's stupid idea." "Louis L'Amour is her favorite novelist, so, here we are." "You know I just realized." "I don't even know why we're here." "I don't even like Sarah." "Fire." "Just let me have this, and then we'll go." "What are you doing?" "This feels like a dream..." "I love it when you look out windows." "Sir..." "Did you damage the bathroom about thirty minutes ago?" "Well, I'm obviously going to tell you that I didn't." " Sir." " What?" "I'm gonna have to ask you to get off at the next stop." "Don't let me find you on here after Chico." "Okay." " You got me?" " Yes, sir." "I'm sorry." "I don't even wanna ask." "Looks like our little tryst is about to end." "Get off at Chico with me, please." "We can have an hour to two hour talk." "And then if you want, I'll get you another ticket to Portland." "An hour to two hour talk?" "That's a long time, Dell." "Well, I'm not meeting anyone so." "Wait, what?" "There's no... girl." "So, wha... what was this?" "Just another one of your stupid mind games, Dell?" "Why did you lie?" "And what happened to your hand?" "You're always hiding things!" "I'm sitting somewhere else." "Now, listen, wait..." "No, no." "Stop, stop, stop." "I'm sorry." "I lied because I thought it'd make it easier, okay?" " You thought it'd make it easier?" " Yeah." "You thought it'd make what easier exactly?" " Talking to you." " Why would it make it easier?" "Because I didn't think you'd talk to me if you knew I was trying to get you back." "So what was this?" "Is this a plan to win me back?" "Yes, it was." "It was a whim that turned into a plan." "How did you even know I was on this train?" "Because I've..." "I've..." "I've stalked you." "You could've called, Dell." " You haven't talked to me in a long time." " I know." "You have my phone number, you have my e-mail but you haven't contacted me once, not once in months." "Just..." "Look, I know a great public library in Chico where we can talk." "We can talk about all of this." "You wanna go to a public library to talk?" "That seems counter-intuitive." "Well, they have a talking area." "You happen to know of a public library in Chico with a talking area?" "Yeah." "First, answer my question." "How come you never proposed?" "Come on, Kim, you broke up with me." "How come you didn't fight for me?" "It felt like the end of days when you left." "I ate Ramen for months." "I had a huge sodium imbalance." "I barely got through it." "I didn't think I could do it again." "Felt like my fucking world was gonna blow." "So me leaving you constitutes your world blowing up?" "Yes." "It does actually." "Next stop, Chico." "Please, come on." "I want you to do this." "Why wouldn't you want this forever?" "I'd like for once to understand why you wouldn't want this always." "It's always as scary." "There's a finality to it." "I just don't ever want you to feel like a limitation." "Okay, let me go a different way with it." "Why are girls so scared of cockroaches?" "Cause you think they're gonna hurt you even though they can't." "Just like I'm afraid "always" will hurt me." " They're both irrational." " False on so many fronts." "Why?" "Girls are afraid of cockroaches because they're gross and they carry disease, proven by the fact that they were one of the biblical plagues." "Also, they also love to lay eggs in your vagina." "Secondly, it's not irrational to think that commitment can hurt you..." "Because it can." "Know that when a steal a girl's twenties..." "It's dangerous business, buster." "You're officially on notice, Mr. Pink Lighter." " Duly noted, Mrs. Pink Lighter." " Nope, can't call me that." "You don't want to marry me, remember?" "I didn't say that." "Where's my phone?" "Where's my phone?" "Where's my fuckin' phone?" "Why don't I call it?" "Why are you acting like that?" " Like what?" " Uncomfortable." "In the two years we've known each other" "I've rarely seen you uncomfortable." "I..." "I'm not." "You are." "You're hiding something from me." "Ah, God, you just got too stoned, Kimberly" "And I thought we were going after your last cigarette." " What're you doing?" " What're you hiding?" " You know something?" " There's no "something."" "You just got too high." "You best motherfucking believe there's a something." "There's always a something." "Okay?" "This is not the first time I've felt that." " Felt what?" " You..." "Saying something like you've slipped." "I didn't slip..." "Like a cartoon character on a banana peel." "You know what?" "You're actually starting to freak me out." "There's nothing going on." "Well, it's about time you're freaked." "Okay." "I hate always feeling like the freak in this relationship!" "Why're you doing this?" "Because there's something you're not telling me." "Okay." "I know you, and I know when you get uncomfortable." "And it's so rare that I've formed an acute discomfort detector on you." "Now, are you gonna tell me what it is or are you going to force me to be late to my own annoying friend's Louis L'Amour goddamn western-themed wedding?" "Kimberly, let's not do this." "This is paranoia." "Hey." "Kim." "Look at me." "Keep looking." "You're right." "You're right." "There is something I've been wanting to tell you." "In the dream, I told you I wanted to be with you." "I wanted you to leave Jack and to walk out the door with me." "Wow." " Do you feel that?" " What?" "Okay, calm down." "Maybe you just need some air." "Let's go up to the rooftop." "So, what else happens in this dream?" "Do I..." "Do I go with you?" "All happily ever after and the like?" "Or do I slap you and tell you to be gone." "I don't know, actually." "We were looking at each other and I went to kiss you and before our lips touched, I woke up." "What?" "Maybe I never saved you that night we met." "Maybe you did die, hit by that car." "And this is just some afterlife fantasy playing out in your head." " What?" " Something feels weird." "Remember how I used to love flipping the pillow over to feel the cold side?" "Yeah." "That's what our relationship felt like." "Constant tossing and turning looking for that perfect balance." "Sometimes it was there, and other times..." "I know, I know." "You always expected us to break up." "Why was that?" "Is that because of your dumb five-minutes-from-now rule?" "You know, after we stopped talking the five-minute rule started shrinking." "It went to four minutes, to three, then two, then one..." "Let's go up to the rooftop." "Come on." "I thought my unconscious was trying to tell me something, you know." "By dreaming that dream a few nights ago." "Coming here, talking to you." "That might close the gap, that last minute." "Or..." "Or none of this is really happening." "This could still be your dream." "♪ Dum dum dum ♪♪" "Fuck!" "What?" "What happened?" "Fuckin' bird carcass on my windshield!" "What?" "Okay." "Slow down, tell me what's going on." "I'm saying a fucking bird just committed suicide on my windshield!" "What?" "In the middle of our conversation?" "What is our conversation have to do with anything?" "It must mean something." "It must mean that the... that the..." "Maybe the bird was commenting on our situation." "Commenting?" "You think this is commentary?" "Definitely, I mean, it's something, the universe cosmos, all that, via the bird, sent us a signal." "Yeah." "Okay." "I want you to listen to me very, very carefully." "Okay?" "Okay, you're gonna be mean." "Aren't you?" "On this already horrible call, you're gonna be mean on top of it." "You are very, very, very..." "You know what?" "I can't even say "very" enough so just imagine an infinite number of "verys." Okay?" "Well, I don't have that kind of imagination." "I barely picture odd numbered things." "Well, freakin' try, okay?" "Cause that number of "verys" precedes sick." "Sick." "S-I-C-K." "Told you you were gonna be mean." "And condescending, as if I didn't know how to spell sick." "You are not being a nice person right now!" "So, I'm at the gun range." "This is a nightmare." "Sartre was right, "Hell is other people."" "I should go, I've got my goggles on." "You did this on purpose, didn't you?" "You wanted me to find out when I was three thousand miles away." "You were telegraphing all the signs like you were Samuel fucking Morse." "You wanted me to know." "That's the part that hurts the most." "Why would I want that?" "Because maybe your feelings for him are real." "How long has it been going on?" " About a month." " A month!" "Oh shit!" "I'm so sorry for interrupting the honeymoon period." "I hear those are the best parts of a relationship." "I-I'm gonna go, okay, I've got my goggles on..." "Yes, I fucking heard you." "Enough with the goggles already!" "Jesus Christ!" "How're you gonna get off the phone and just go about your day after this, huh?" "Because I don't think all of our conversations need to necessarily feel good." "They should feel bad then?" "They should be whatever the conversation should..." "I don't know." "Why are you analyzing this so much?" "Oh, I'm not analyzing you yet." "I'm just giving you my initial gut reaction." "Can I please get off the phone with you and not feel like shit..." "You hurt me!" "You really hurt me this time, Kimberly." "I wanna break up with you." "I don't love you." "Dell, that's not what you want to say..." "That is what I want to say actually." "I don't..." "I don't love you, Kimberly." "Honestly, I don't know if I ever really did." "And you definitely didn't." "If you're capable of making choices that knowingly hurts the other person, that's not love." "Okay, you're mad, you're mad..." "How can you say that?" "Reality is I could have met any number of girls to be with for a few years." "That was your lie." "Alright?" "Texting Jack behind my back." "It came when I least expected it." "I fell for it hook, line and sinker and it fucking hurts." "That was your lie." " Bravo." " Okay, fine." "You wanna hurt me?" "You wanna be right?" "Fine, go ahead." "Be right." "All I ever wanted was the truth." "No, no, you wanna be right." "No." "Truth is not what you're after." "Because if you wanted the truth, then you would have to accept the fact that I do..." "Who is this?" "I'm sorry, is this Dell?" " Who's this?" " Yes, hi." "This is Nancy." "I'm your mother's nurse." "We met a few times." "Yeah." "I'm really sorry to have to tell you this." "Your mother passed away." "What?" "That's impossible." "She's been okay for years now." "Her cancer's been in remission." "She had a heart attack." "Heart attack?" "Why?" "Sometimes these things just happen." "This feels strange." "Not what I expected my train ride to feel like at all." "What were you expecting?" "I was expecting to read that short story." "The Roald Dahl one?" "You already read it though." "You know the ending." "Sometimes it's not about knowing the ending." "It can't be the same like it was the last time." "It has to be different or we'll wind up right where we started." "I know." "I know." "I promise you a change." "I promise, okay?" "You know, I'm falling out of love with you, right?" "Just shut up for a second, please." "What do you wanna tell me, Dell?" "Kimberly..." "I used to find it annoying when you said "so" all the time." "It bugged the shit out of me." "And I love it." "I love it now." "After we have sex and you shrug your shoulders and you say, "I'm here all week."" "I love that." "I love that a single strand of your hair can fall so perfectly to the side, and you don't even know." "I love the little blue veins behind your eyes." "I love your eyes." "Knowing you goes down as easily the best thing that's ever happened to me." "Easily." "If I were a restaurant, you'd be my special but nobody could order you because I'd just want you to be mine, just all mine." "Not in the biblical, slavery-owning sense or, uh, the pimp-prostitute dynamic of," ""You be mine, bitch!" but... but, just in that..." "You're my love." "You're my love." "But my favorite thing of all." "I like you because you like me." "I think that says a lot about how great you are as a person." "So, um..." "Dell." "Believe me." "Believe me when I say..." "You almost had me." "'Is that weird to imagine that one day' 'this will all be old to us?" "'" "This walk, us meeting." "It'll just be an old memory." "That sounds..." "Sad." "Hey, I gotta ask you a really big question." "I don't know if you can handle it." "It's..." "It's really big." "What?" "Forget it." "It's stupid." " What?" " Forget it." "It's a stupid joke." "You'd probably even figure it out by now." " Why would I know the joke?" " Because I've already said it." " When?" " Earlier in the conversation." "When?" "Hey, come on." "I'm so confused!" "Sometimes I wanna stop people on the streets..." "Who?" " Anybody, from all walks of life." "On their way to work, to the gym, to school!" " I wanna stop them all, grab them like I'm grabbing you right now." " Right now?" "Right now." "I wanna look right into their eyes and I wanna ask them one simple question." "Where's my fucking money?" "I think I'm going to fall in love with you too." " Are you crying?" " Shut up." "There's still my theory that this is just part of that strange dream." "And so even if we do kiss, you'll just wake up and it'll all be over." "This can't be a dream." "What if it is?" "What're you doing?" "Something's wrong." "I know it, Kimberly, I know you." "You have circles under your eyes." "You were the type of girl that could sleep through wars." "And despite that, you're still looking so beautiful." "More beautiful than ever, in fact." "It's usually a sign you wanna remind the world that you're a sexual being because your man's not picking up the signal." "You've checked out of this relationship, haven't you?" "You're not happy." "Also, you're listening to Roxette." "I know that means the beginning of the end." "And let's get real for a second about the ring, alright." "You're not having it sized." "I'm sure you had your ring-size burned into Jack's memory years ago." "Fuck, I still remember it, 4.5." "You didn't wear the ring because you didn't want me to see it." "Don't marry him, okay." "I want you back." "I know you want me back too." "That's why I'm here." "That's what you've been wanting to say to me this whole time..." " Dell." " What?" "I'm pregnant." "What?" "Morning sickness has been keeping me up." "I just really love Roxette." "And I dressed this way not to announce to the world anything." "It was you." "I wanted to look good for you." "Because no matter how bad our relationship got" "I wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for it." "Because I needed it." "I needed you in this life." "That's what I wanted to say." "I gotta..." "I gotta sit down." "I'm sorry." "I'm not leaving Jack." "I love him." "Wow." "You're pregnant." "I didn't see that coming." "Do you know what it is yet?" "Not yet." "Hoping it's a girl." "Uh, I almost proposed to you, you know?" "When we were in that hotel room in Paris." "I even picked out the ring." "I had it with me." "I was about to give it to you, and then I took it and I flushed it down the toilet." "I keep replaying that moment over and over again in my head." "Why are you crying?" "I'm just happy to see you." "And it's such a beautiful night." "I feel like I'm in the wrong world." "Cause I don't belong in a world where we don't end up together." "I don't." "There are parallel universes out there where this didn't happen." "Where I was with you, and you were with me." "And whatever universe that is that's the one where my heart lives in." "I wanted so badly to go back into that dream I had the other night." "I tried so hard... to go back to sleep." "You know, I never thought love was real." "I didn't." "And now I think life isn't real without it." "That sounds like a really bad greeting card..." "Don't." "Don't make it a joke." "Truth?" "I think you always believed in love." "This is so stupid." "So irrational." "Why am I so hell-bent on getting you back?" "You fucking hate Pixar movies for crying out loud." "You still have an AOL account." "I don't wanna be with a person like that." "Why does it feel so impossible to let you go?" "It's an addiction, you know." "That's all it is." "It's a biochemical addiction." "It's so stupid." "If you think about it relationships are all totally narcissistic." "Basically, you're just looking for someone who'll love you as much as you love yourself." "That's all it is." " No, it's not." " Yes, it is." "No, it's not." "No, it's not." "I don't know anything anymore." "But I know I do love you." " Dell..." " Just give me a minute, okay."