"Would you autograph this for me, please?" "Well, of course, with pleasure." "I think it's one of your best." "Except for Murder on a Honeymoon." "Ah, well, I'm always at my best on a honeymoon, you know." "Ah, then what should we say?" ""To the charming hostess who made my trip so pleasant" ""and never let me down." How is that, huh?" "PILOT:" "This aircraft is about to land." "Will all passengers kindly fasten their seat belts?" "That's what's called letting you down with a bump." "Archie, come here." "I know you're excited and so am I but there's no need to show him." "Hey, what are you doing there?" "I'm driving." " But you don't know where we're going?" " Don't I?" "A, we're going to London, B, we're going to celebrate" " and C..." " Oh no we're not." "I can't think why you're so keen about this living in the country business." "It all seems pretty grim to me." "You wait till you see it in the daytime." "Well, where is this wretched cottage of yours anyway." "Near Redminster." "Oh, Kate, not that awful place of Philip's?" "Why?" "It's got pumps and outside what nots." "Nonsense, It's been converted." "Beside, I've even got a woman to come and look after us." "Oh, darling, do stop worrying." "Everything is under control." "(AIR HISSING)" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Hurry up, darling!" " Oh!" " What is it now?" "What on earth did you put it there for?" "I didn't put it there, it just put itself." "Wheels don't put themselves anywhere, my sweet." "Oh, come on, don't mess about." "Look, you just sit in the car while I fix it." " (THUNDER RUMBLING)" " It's going to pour in a minute." "I was only trying to help." "Yes, I know." "So, just sit in the car and leave it to someone who knows how." "(METAL CLANGING)" "(BARKING)" "I don't want to be inquisitive." "Are you looking for something?" "No, no." "It's just our way of having fun." "We've lost our nut." "What a silly thing to do, I'd come out and help you to find them, but I haven't got my glasses." "Well, then, could you give us a lift to the next garage then?" " That wouldn't help." " ANDREW:" "Why not?" "I'm the nearest garage and I'm not there, am I?" "No, and it's very lucky for us, isn't it?" "Otherwise, you wouldn't be here." "Would you?" "I'm beginning to think, it's very lucky that I am here." "We really are in trouble." "You see, we're complete strangers around here and we simply got to get to Shepstone." "But you will help us, won't you?" "My difficulty in life, I'm never able to resist a pretty face." "I've got an idea that I'm not going to now." " I will run you over." " But what about the car?" "We'll see to that later, it won't run away." "Get your things and I will put them in the back of the car." "Get back a little bit." "(MUMBLING)" "Here, we are at last." "Didn't take long, did it?" " Time is..." " Come on, gorgeous." "Careful, dear." "(GRUNTING)" "Thank you so much." "I think you're wonderful." "I think you're..." "Oh, never mind." " Come on, Archie." " Come on." "Hmmm." "Nice cheerful welcome from Mrs Jones." " I suppose she's gone to bed." " Oh, I've got a spare key." "Good." "Oh, darn!" "I can't see a thing." "(KEYS JINGLING)" "ANDREW:" "Ah!" "That's better." "Now, wait a minute while I find the light switch." " (DOG BARKING)" " ANDREW:" "Don't, Archie." " (METAL CLATTERING)" " KATE:" "Drew, what are you doing?" "I tripped." "Well, stay where you are or you'll wreck the place." " (KATE LAUGHING)" " Oh, darling." " You told me to stay where I was." " Don't be so silly." "Oh, well!" "I expect it's woken up Mrs Jones, which is probably a good thing in the long run." "Now, she can get us some food." " Andrew!" " Yeah?" "Doesn't look like there's gonna be any Mrs Jones." " What?" "But I distinctly remember..." " Look." ""Dear Madam, I'm sorry, but my daughter is in trouble..."" "Oh! "...with her first and I have to go to her." ""Your food is in the cupboard, hot water bottle in bed," ""two pints ordered for morning," ""Hope to be back Monday." "Yours faithfully, Emma Jones."" "Hmm. "PS." "Please be careful with drinking water tap in kitchen," ""as plumber didn't come as promised."" "Well, I must say that's a very fine start." "You can't really blame her, darling." "After all, it is her first." "And anyway, I think, it will be rather nice to be left on our own." "Hmmm. (SIGHING)" " KATE:" "Well?" " Well, it's not bad." "Oh, I think it's wonderful and I'm sure we're going to have a lot of fun." "Now, darling, all you have to do, is relax." "I'll see to everything." "Well, there is just one little thing I would like you to do." "Here we are, Archie, that's better, isn't it?" "KATE: (SCREAMING) Andrew!" "(BARKING)" "Oh!" "There!" "That should keep the darn thing quiet." " I am sorry, darling." " Oh, it's all right." "I suppose you couldn't help it." "Look, you go upstairs and get your coat dry and I'll finish getting dinner." "What's it going to be?" "Tinned baked beans?" "Now, darling, don't get peevish." "I promise it's going to be..." "Wonderful." "Absolutely wonderful." "You think, my cooking has improved." "Who said anything about cooking?" "It's you, I'm talking about." " Oh, darling, I do love you so." " And, I love you too." " But I've got all this to clear away." " Oh, let it wait till the morning." "KATE:" "I really ought to do it now." "You know, I'm beginning to think that this country idea of yours is rather good." "Peaceful and quiet." "(KNOCKING CONTINUES)" "Somebody's knocking." " No, it's probably the wind." " (ARCHIE BARKING)" "Don't be silly, look at Archie." "Must be Mrs Jones come back." "Not at this time of night." "Besides, she's got her own key." "Now, well, who cares." "(KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "You'd better see who it is, darling." "All right." "WOMAN:" "Hurry up!" "It's raining." "How much longer am I going to be kept waiting here?" "Are you deaf or rude?" " Take my coat." " Well, certainly." "Oh, I'm soaked." " Tulip's the name." " Eh, Miss?" "Certainly." "(BARKING)" "Go away, dog!" "Go away!" "ANDREW:" "Archie, stop it." "Miss Tulip, this is Archibald Dax." "Now, you're not to bark at Miss Tulip." "My car's broken down." "I've no intentions of spending the night in it or walking two miles in this storm." "No, but naturally not." " Naturally not what?" " What you said." "Quite." "I'm glad you see my point." "Well, isn't anybody going to show me to my room, Mrs..." " Or is it Miss?" " Mrs." "Allow me to present my wife, Kate." " How do you do Miss..." " Tulip." "I told you once, Millicent Tulip, from the close." "Forgive our ignorance." "You see, we've only just arrived here." "So, we haven't had time to make acquaintances." "Come along, cigarette." "Strangers, eh." "So, that's why I didn't know your faces." " Please don't apologise." " Young man, I never apologise." "Come along, matches, quick." "MISS TULIP:" "What are you doing here?" "Planning a murder." "(SHRIEKING)" "A murder?" "So, you are the writer?" "Yes, he's the writer." "Oh, why did I ever come here?" " I say, have you read any of my efforts?" " Of course." "All of them." "They're terrible." "Terrible." "Each one worse than the last." "Oh, surely, they're not as bad as all that." "I think, they're very good." "And with any luck, Murder My Motive, should get, the book of the month award." "Books?" " Are we talking about books?" " ANDREW:" "Well, of course." "Do you write books?" "Yes, he's the Andrew Dax." "Dax?" "Never heard of it." "So, you didn't write those letters." " What letters?" " The anonymous letters." "They keep coming." "I received the last tonight." "(THUNDER CRACKING)" "Those letters." "I had to get away." "Then the car broke down." "When you both started to talk about murder," "I thought, they're after my money." "The Tulip money, you know." "You must hide me." "I'll be safe here." " I can't go back." "I can't." " Of course you can't." "Now, what you need, is a good night's rest." "And tomorrow morning, we'll send for the police." "The police?" "Never." "Idiots, the lot." "And yet, maybe you're right." "They should be informed." "Of course, they should." "Now, I think, you ought to go to bed, but first of all I'm going to go make you some hot milk." "Not hot." "Cold." "And put some whisky in it." " So, you write, eh?" " Occasionally, Miss Tulip." "When conditions are favourable to concentration." "Interesting, most interesting." "I am a distant relation of Anthony Trollope." " The writer, you know." " Yes, I have heard of Mr Trollope." "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "Mr Dax, my revolver." "If anyone attacks us during the night, don't ask questions, shoot." " Oh, but he might shoot first." " Then you've had it." "Here you are, Miss Tulip." "Shall I show you to your room?" "And now to bed." " Isn't he coming?" " Oh, no!" "Andrew wants to stay down here and work." "Don't you, darling?" "MISS TULIP:" "What!" "At this late hour?" "Yes, he's very behind with his present book." "I see, just bone lazy." "Oh, well." "(SARCASTICALLY) Distant relative of Anthony Trollope." "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "Thanks." "It's much too late for drinking, darling." " Besides, I need it." " So, do I." "(KATE SIGHING)" " Cheers." " To Miss Tulip." "Well, that reminds me, I've got another little job for you." "She wants you to lock her jewellery in the safe." "Safe?" "We haven't got a safe, have we?" "I know, but I haven't got the heart to tell her." " You think she's mad?" " God!" "Mad as a March hare." "Poor, old thing was very frightened, though." "Not half as frightened as I was." "Oh, what a woman." "She gives me the shivers." "She's going to give you the shivers in more ways than one." "I've lent her our only hot water bottle." "You know, darling, there are times when I almost like you." "If I let you go to bed now, will you promise to finish your book tomorrow?" "You know, darling, there are times when I almost like you too." "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "(FLOORBOARDS SQUEAKING)" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "There's someone coming upstairs." " Oh!" " Hello, darling." " You awake?" " Of course, I'm awake." "You crashing about the house like a bull in a china shop." "Oh, I'm sorry, darling." "I was being as quiet as I could be." "Just the point." "If you made a real noise, I would know who it was." "It's all my fault, darling." "You just go to sleep and choke me off in the morning, eh?" "Archie?" "Archie?" "Archie?" "(SIGHING)" "(SCREAMING)" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Darling, are you hurt, what is it?" "It's Miss Tulip." "She's dead, isn't she?" "Yes." "Quite dead." "Oh, Andrew." "If only we'd been nicer to her while..." "We weren't to know, were we?" "We didn't know she was going to die." " Of course, we didn't." " It's all so terrifying." " (HYSERICALLY) If we had known." " Stop it." " I'd have..." " Stop it, Kate, or I'll sock you." " You wouldn't." " I would, you know." " I'm sorry, Andrew." " That's better." "I'm all right now." "Look, you run along out into the garden and I'll have a look around." "Andrew, I am sorry I was such a baby." "Anyway, you have all the atmosphere you want for your books now." "Andrew, it's awfully cold out here." "It's all right, darling, you can come in now." " Feeling better." " A bit." "Good, sit yourself down and here, have a cigarette." "Thanks." "You know, I just can't understand it." "I know, she seemed a bit mad but to do a thing like this." "She didn't do it." "It's not a suicide, Kate." "She was shot and there is no sign of a gun." "I'm afraid, it's murder." "But if she was shot, we would have heard it." "I know, silly, isn't it?" "Beside, how could anyone have got in?" "The French windows." "They were open this morning when I came down." "Were they?" "We shut them last night." "I know, I thought Archie might have done it." " By the way, where is Archie?" " He's gone rabbiting, I expect." "You know, what he's like when he gets in the country." " Do you think he's all right?" " Trust Archie." "Well, it wasn't forced, anyway." " I wonder if..." " Hmmm." "I wonder if she let someone in herself." "Why should she?" "Oh!" "Haven't the remotest idea, the whole thing's so screwy." "Oh, Lord!" "I suppose, I'd better telephone for the police." " Andrew, must we have the police?" " Of course, we must." "It will be all right, darling." "I know what, let's have a nice drink, first." "I'd rather have a cup of tea." "Oh, heavens!" "I've left the kettle on." "Kate?" "When the police do get here, let me do the talking." "Of course, darling, I won't say a word." "Andrew, tea." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "(KNOCKING CONTINUES)" " May I come in?" " Oh!" "Good morning, madam." "The car outside in the lane, is in a rather dangerous position." "A car?" "Oh!" "Oh, that's not ours." "Ours is miles away." " We lost our nuts, you see." " Ah!" "Did you?" "I know it's not yours." "It's Miss Tulip's." "Can I have a word with her?" "She's here, isn't she?" " No, she isn't." " Oh!" "Not really." "Perhaps you could tell me where she's gone?" "Well, I couldn't do that." " Why not?" " That would only be guessing." "And besides, I promised not to talk to the..." "Er, perhaps, you better speak to my husband." "I'll get him." "Andrew?" "Andrew!" "Andrew, where are you?" " Oh!" "He's not there." " Perhaps he's in the garden." "Very nice, too, early morning, lovely fresh smell, nice bit of sun." ""A garden is a lovesome thing, God wot!" ""Rose plot, fringed pool, fern'd grot." ""The veriest school of peace."" "That's not mine, some other bloke." " What's that?" " What's what?" "I thought so." "Aphids." "Uh..." "Are they?" "I'm afraid I don't know their names." "Greenfly, to beginners." "Look at them having a whale of a time." "Won't do, you know." "It won't do at all." " Terribly sorry." " So you ought to be." "Any man or woman who has greenfly on his roses is capable of anything." " Anything." " Er..." "I'll take them off." "No, no, no, no." "Spray with soapy water." "Washing soap, mind you." "None of your scented stuff." "Any man or woman who squirts synthetic perfume over a rose is capable of murder." " Would you like some tea, officer?" " Oh, well..." "Thank you kindly, lady, but I'm afraid it's against regulations." "Not on duty." "Mind you, we did have a lecture last week on courtesy." "It would be ungracious to refuse." "Thank you very much." "I take it you like gardening." "Like it?" "I love it." "That's why I transferred down here." "The soil's better." "You can grow things." "Better than that mangy allotment that I had in London." "Why, I had eight years in London, in the Met." "Far too much going on." "Everybody rushing about." "Dope." "Hold-ups, fights, murders." "Thank you." "Never saw anything like it." "Very different down here." "Nothing ever happens." "All very quiet." "Except Mr Thorne, our CID inspector." "Not altogether what you might call a "quiet type"." " Uh..." "What's that?" " More greenfly?" "No, over there." "It's a woman." "Oh, um..." "Yes, that's um..." " Miss Tulip." " I thought you said she wasn't here." "Well, she isn't..." "Er..." "In a way." "I don't quite follow." "Oh, I see." "Forty winks." "I'm afraid we'll have to wake her up." "I'm afraid that will be impossible, officer." "You see, Miss Tulip is dead." "Oh, that's different." "What did you say?" "I was just going to ring for the police." "Oh, it's a good thing I came along." "What was it?" "Heart failure?" "Oh, yes, in a way." "She was shot." "Shot?" "No, sir, don't touch anything, if you please." "Everything is to be left exactly as it is." "Hmm." "Nasty." "Very nasty." "I'll have to use your phone." "Where is it?" "Thanks." "Hello, Maggie." "Give me the station, will you?" "It's urgent." "Eh?" "The dahlias?" "Nah, ain't birds, that's slugs." "I'll come around tomorrow with some powder." "Get them on the line quick, will you?" "It's very serious." "Dear, dear." "And you were just settling down to a nice cup of tea." " Well, so were you." " Oh, I didn't know she was there." "No, but I did." "That's why I wanted the tea." "How long have you been friends with Miss Tulip?" "Oh, we weren't friends." "She just spent the night here." "Oh, spent the night here?" "But you didn't like her?" "I didn't say that." "I just said that we weren't friends." "Pardon." "My mistake." "We didn't like her." "As a matter of fact, she was very rude." "Stalking in here, and demanding a bed and milk and a hot water bottle." "And she seemed to think that we'd just give her whatever she wanted." " Did she want that?" " Want what?" " Murder." " Oh, now you're being silly." "Madam, as a proud but humble member of the police force," "I must ask you to withdraw that remark." "Oh, I don't mean that you are silly." "I just meant that it was silly to think that she'd want to be killed." "Apology accepted." "But you better be careful of Mr Thorne." "As I said before, he is not altogether the "quiet type"." "Oi!" "Where are you off to?" "To finish dressing." "I want my coat." "I'm afraid, I must ask you to remain here until the inspector arrives." "Oh, all right." "Is there any objection to my having a cup of tea?" "That if I may say so, sir, is entirely a matter between you and your conscience." " THORNE:" "Yes, yes, yes." " Hello?" " Mr. Thorne?" " Detective Inspector Thorne here." "215 Feathers talking." "At 10am this morning, as I was proceeding along Shepstone Road." "Get on with it." " In the course of my duty..." " Don't blether about your duty." "In the course of my duty..." "Oh, for heaven's sake, come to the point, man!" " In the course of my duty..." " Come to the point." "I'm coming to the point." "Will you cut the gaggle and come to the point?" "How can I come to the point if you don't listen, sir?" "What's it all about?" " It's Miss Tulip." " What about her?" "She's been murdered." "That shook him." "Oh, Kate, there's something very funny about this business." "Doesn't make me laugh." "Let's try and work out how it could have been done." "Now, suppose I was the murderer and I was following her." "And her car breaks down." "But before I can do anything about it, she's in here, with us." "So I..." "Well, I'd wait." "And then, until she's gone to bed..." "And then, break in somehow." "That's no good." "Archie would have barked." "Oh, that's true." "Then she must have gone out and let someone in." "That's it." "There was mud on her shoes." "I threw stones at her bedroom window." "And she came down and let me in through the French windows." "Then I did her in." "Did you indeed?" "Oh, hello!" "Are you someone I should know?" "I have a feeling you're going to know me extremely well, sir." "My name is Thorne." "Detective Inspector Thorne." "How do you do, Inspector?" "This is my wife." "We were just reconstructing the crime." "Reconstructing?" "Or recollecting?" "Why, I'm not altogether sure that I like the implication of that question." "I'm not altogether sure that I intended you to like it, Mr Curtis." " Mr Dax." " What's that?" "Not Mr Curtis, Mr Dax." "You told me the cottage belonged to Mr Curtis." "So it does." "Mr Dax rented it from Mr Curtis." " Why didn't you say so?" " You didn't ask me." " Are you here on holiday?" " No such luck." "Just working." "Supposed to be working but he hasn't done a stroke yet." "Says it's lack of atmosphere but it's just laziness really." " In the present murder..." " Uh, what my wife means..." "Just a moment, sir." "I'd rather Mrs Dax tell me herself." "Yes, Mrs Dax?" "Well, in Murder by Marriage, that's what he's supposed to be writing now." "Writing?" "Oh, yes!" "Dax." "You have all the facts." "Oh, I'm very pleased to meet you, Mr Dax." "Are you really, Inspector?" "Yes." "You always show us policemen to be such half wits, it will be a privilege to get a few tips from such a brilliant amateur." "I shall be delighted to assist you in any way I can, Inspector." "You really will?" "Splendid!" "Then perhaps you'll assist us by telling us why you didn't ring us up straightaway?" "Well, I'm afraid my enthusiasm as a writer overcame my duty as a citizen." "He was looking for clues." "Really?" "Hmm." "Being Mr Dax" "I should have thought they would have given themselves up." "Did you find any?" "Oh, naturally." "Come on here, I'll show you." "Look at that button." "It's obviously fallen from Miss Tulip's hand." "Now it's quite usual for the victim to be found clutching a piece of the murderer's clothing." "But that button is torn from Miss Tulip's own dress." "Oh, darling, you are clever." "Isn't he clever, Inspector?" "Extremely clever, Mrs Dax, yes." "People do clutch at their clothing when they're..." "I wish you'd..." "Tell me when you're going to fire that thing, Wilson!" "Sorry, sir." "Always makes me jump." "As I was saying, people do clutch at their clothing when they are dying." "Maybe, but you don't have much time when you're shot through the head." "You've got a point there." "Any more theories?" " Don't know." "Not at the moment..." " Oh, too bad." "Well, well, failing the mastermind we'll have to rub along as best as we can." " I want to see that car." " Car?" " Yes, the car Miss Tulip came in." " Oh, that car." " Uh, Feathers." " Yes, sir!" "Just keep Mrs Dax from feeling lonely, will you?" " Very good, sir." " Oh, but I want to go too!" "Leave it to me." "I'll fix it." "Mr Thorne!" " You think Mrs Dax might..." " You heard." " (DOOR CLOSING)" " I fixed it." "You stay here." "Oh, well." "I suppose I might as well as make some sandwiches and coffee." "Haven't had any breakfast this morning." " Oh..." " (GASPING)" "FEATHERS:" "What's the matter?" "Just a minute." "Where you going?" "There was somebody there at the window." "I'm sure it was the murderer." "Now, now, now, now." "It's no good trying to bluff." " But it was a woman I saw her." " Now, now, now." "Well, go and look for yourself if you don't believe me." "Let you slip out through the front door?" "This is PC Feathers." "Now, lady, let's be friends over this thing." "What about that coffee, eh?" "All right, but I'm not going to make it by myself." "You'd better come with me." "Try and keep me out." "Seems dead all right." "Funny, eh, Mr Dax?" "Why I don't see there's anything funny about it." "Cars do stop, you know." "It's just a darn nuisance that this one packed up last night." "Yes, it's quite a coincidence." "Do you know anything about cars, Mr Dax?" "Just enough to switch on and press the starter, that's about all." "Wasn't one of your books called The Garage Murder?" "Yes, oh, but that was strictly non-technical." "Was it?" "Oh, I thought you thought it with aid of your mechanic genius." "Oh, I say, you're quite a fan of mine." "Oh, if you care to put it that way." "It's a pity you know so little about cars, Mr Dax." "Oh?" "Why?" "Because you could have fixed this one in a jiffy." "All that's wrong is that the main distributor lead has slipped out of its socket." " Well, it must be loose." " It isn't." "It looks as if somebody had deliberately disabled the car." "Almost as if someone wanted Miss Tulip to spend the night." "Then they didn't know Miss Tulip." " Did you, Mr Dax?" " Eh?" "Did I what?" " Know Miss Tulip?" " Well, not before last night." "Hmm." "Quite a short friendship." "Come on, let's get back to the house." "You know, Inspector, you're developing a nasty suspicious mind but you're wasting your time turning it on me." "You think so?" "That's your expert view." "That's my inspired view." "You see, I'm one of the only two people in the world who know the vital fact of this murder." " You are?" " Yes." "I know I didn't do it and the murderer knows he did." "And if you'd concentrate on finding him instead of making cheap cracks about my book..." "I'm conducting this investigation, Mr Dax." "And I'll turn my nasty suspicious mind in any way I think it'll do most good." "All right, I was only trying to be helpful." "Oh, routine investigation, Mr Dax." "I don't like to be caught by unexpected discoveries." "Oh, then I don't expect you'll like that." "After her, Akers!" "We'll head her off this way." "You take your hands off me, Tom Akers." "I wasn't doing any harm." "What's all this?" "You tell this great lout to take his hands off me." "All right, Akers." "Who is she?" "Miss Gale, sir." "Miss Tulip's companion." "She's rather deaf." "What are you doing here, Judith?" " Don't you shout at me." " All right." "Leave it to me." " What are you doing here, Miss Gale?" " Speak up, can't you?" " What we want to know..." " I heard." "It's Miss Tulip." "She didn't come home last night and I got worried." " Oh, why didn't you phone the police?" " I don't hold with telephones." "I was going down to the police station when I saw you all nosing around the car." "And I thought I better find out what was happening before I said anything." "Who's he?" "Mr Dax, a tenant at the cottage." "We'd better go inside." "Strangers, eh?" "I don't hold with strangers." "I'm afraid you're not going to hold with what you'll find inside either." " Sit down, Judith." " Eh?" "I said sit down." "Why?" "I'm not tired." "You sit down if your feet are troubling you." "No, I can stand up." "Well, where's the mistress?" "You'd better prepare yourself for a shock." "She's had an accident." " Accident?" "How?" " We don't quite know..." "You don't have to try and break it gently." "You mean she's dead, don't you?" "Yes, she's been murdered." " You forgot the sandwiches." " Oh." "That's her!" "The woman in the window!" "Who is she?" "I'm Miss Gale." "Who are you?" " This is Mrs Dax." "There is no..." " That'll do, Feathers." "Yes, sir." "Well, shall we have some coffee?" " Not for me." " She doesn't hold with it." "Feathers, darling." "Uh oh, you're undermining discipline, Katie." "Oh, don't be so silly." "Of course he can have some coffee." "Can't he, Inspector?" "Oh, take it, man, and stop all this chitchat." "Well, if you insist, sir." "Thank you." "Now, Judith, a few questions." "Did Miss Tulip seem at all strange lately?" "Not more than usual, except for her tantrums." "I'm not really surprised she got herself murdered." " I'm saying it was her nerves." " She wasn't strong then?" "Strong?" "Hah!" "She was as strong as a horse." "No, it was that doctor always hanging around and dosing her up with medicine." " Sandwich, sir?" " Yes, thank you." "Care for another?" "Nerves." "Indigestion was the only trouble with her." "She ate too much and too fast." "All she needed was a good dose of bicarb of soda." "Told her so, and him too." "I don't hold with doctors." "Good morning, good morning." "Sorry to be so long." "Such a fat bouncing boy, Mrs Capes, you know." "Thought at one time I'd lost the father." "Nervy type." "Well, Inspector, what have you got for us today?" "Not another road accident, I hope." "Well, worse than that, Doctor." "Over here." "Millicent!" "It's Millicent!" "When did this terrible thing happen?" "What is she doing here?" "Oh, I'm sorry to give you a shock, Willis." "I didn't know." " Don't you pretend you're sorry." " Judith Gale, what are you doing here?" "I have much right here as you." "More, I wanted to help her." "Help her?" "You know you always hated your mistress." "I wasn't always trying to borrow money from her." " How dare you..." " That's enough!" "We'll go into all this later on." "Meanwhile, I want your medical report." "You can also identify the body." " Yes, of course." "I'm sorry." " ANDREW:" "Oh, Inspector." "I'd be obliged if you'd let me go upstairs and finish my dressing." "Feathers here seems to prefer me in my shirtsleeves but it's feeling very draughty." "He wanted to get his coat earlier, sir." "I thought he'd better wait till you'd been over the house." " You were quite right." " Thank you, sir." "THORNE:" "For once." " Go and get it for him." "Know the room?" " No, sir." "First on the left." "It's a grey tweed." "I dropped it when I heard my wife scream." " Thank you." " Thank you." " I suppose it couldn't be suicide." " Impossible." "What about the gun?" " What do you mean?" " What type and calibre?" "Oh." "We'll have to remove the bullet before we can discover that." "Where are her rings?" "THORNE:" "Rings?" "WILLIS:" "Yes." "Her fingers were always covered with them." "Valuable too." "Are these the ones?" " That's them." " No doubt about it." " Where did you get those?" " On the floor, by Mr Dax's coat." " Can you explain this?" " Yes, I can." "I'm not talking to you!" " It's quite simple." " I'm sure it is." "I understand now why you were so anxious to get your coat." "You know, Mr Dax, this puts a rather different complexion on things." "Does it?" "Oh, might I ask one question?" " Is it important?" " Yes, very." " Oh, go ahead." " May I put my coat on?" "Certainly, Mr Dax." "I wouldn't like to take you down to the station in your shirtsleeves." "This is ridiculous!" "Why, Miss Tulip gave him the rings." "Ha ha!" "On half an hour's acquaintance?" "Yes, oh, I know it sounds absurd but then the whole thing was crazy." "Certainly was!" "She just barged in here demanding all sorts of things!" "And rambled on about anonymous letters and..." "Anonymous letters?" "Yes, she said she'd had some threatening letters and for a time, she seemed to think that I'd written them." "Did she?" "Why?" "Well, how should I know?" "You know, there's something familiar about this story." "Its rather like one of your books, Mr Dax." "Oh, thank you." "But I can assure you, I've not been imagining things." "Although, Miss Tulip's whole behaviour was unreal." "Asking Kate to lock her rings up and giving me the..." " Giving you the what?" " Don't tell him, Andrew!" "He hasn't even thanked you for finding her rings." "Oh, but I'm sure he was very grateful, darling." "I'm still waiting to hear what else Miss Tulip gave you." "Oh, nothing very much." "Just a, a gun." "A gun?" "Where is it?" "Oh, I don't remember where I put it." "I chucked it somewhere around here." " Was it loaded?" " Why, I didn't look." "Well, suppose you saw it now?" "You know, I'm not sure my union allows me to do the work of the police." "Does your union allow you to be arrested for murder?" "I never asked them." "You didn't see it in the bedroom, sir?" " No, sir." " Oh, pity." "Hmm, now let me think." "Oh, wait a minute though..." " Thank you, Mr Dax." " Oh, don't mention it." "Hmm, one shot fired." "Doctor, could that be it?" "Oh, I'm not the ballistics expert, you know." "And also I'd like to say is that there's no reason why this should not be the weapon." "Thank you, Doctor." "Mr. Dax, you have any objections having your fingerprints taken?" "Oh, no, not at all, if it will help." "You'll have to have mine too." "Why?" "Did you handle the gun as well?" "No, but if you're taking Andrew's, then you might as well take mine." "After all, I am his wife." "All right, sergeant, we'll have them all down." "You taking the cab with us?" "Oh certainly, can't do anything more now." "Simple case." "Cause of death, cerebral haemorrhage, occasioned by a lesion of the frontal lobe." " I thought you said she was shot?" " Same thing, darling." "Oh, then why not say so?" "I'm going to get my coat." "(ARCHIE BARKING)" "THORNE:" "Mr Dax!" "Oh, don't worry." "I'm not escaping." "Archie!" "Archie!" "Where are you?" " (ARCHIE BARKING)" " Archie!" "Archie, come on, come on." "(ARCHIE BARKING)" "Archie." "What is it?" ""T?" Miss Tulip." "Thank you, Mr Dax." "Where did you get this?" "Well, just there." " You didn't drop it?" " No, I didn't." "And look, someone's been lying here." "Probably you, Mr Dax." "Very funny." "The ground, man." "Use your eyes." "That accounts for us not hearing anything." "And the French windows being open." "She was shot here and left lying, while the murderer went to see if the coast was clear." "But changed her mind and walked into the house." "But that's impossible!" "Don't be stupid." "Of course, it's impossible." "Oh, I didn't mean that at all." "If she had been lying out there..." "I don't care what you meant." "I meant for you to keep quiet." "Very good, sir." "And stop messing about with that honeysuckle." " Wisteria." " What's that?" "It isn't honeysuckle, it's wisteria." "Be careful, Feathers, be very careful." "Oh, I will, sir." "I never make a mistake about the names of plants." "Now this..." " Feathers, go and get the others ready." " Very good, sir." "Fingerprints, Mr Dax?" "Oh, Andrew, what a funny little finger you've got." "Would you like mine now?" "Oh, no, Ma'am." "The Inspector will see to that, if it proves necessary." "Well, I think it is necessary." "After all, we are both in this thing up to our necks." "Oh, darling, don't say such things." "Could you say what time Miss Tulip went out or why?" "No, and that's how I know she wasn't herself." "I've been her only friend for years." "And if the doctor says anything to the contrary, he's a liar." "You don't like Dr Willis, do you?" "(SARCASTICALLY) Like him?" "Nasty, crawly toad." "Always getting round her, making out she was ill and giving her medicine." "According to Mr and Mrs Dax, she'd been receiving threatening letters." "Never, or I'd have known." "I always open the post." "Nothing, but bills, huh!" "Mostly from the doctor." "If anyone was after her money, it was him." "Mr Dax says that Miss Tulip gave him a gun to protect her." " Do you know if she had a gun?" " She had a gun all right." "But it was the doctor's." " The doctor's?" " Yes." "I heard him say, that he'd be much happier if she had something to protect herself with." "And then I saw him take something out of his bag." " What else did he say?" " What?" "What else did he say?" "I don't know." "He saw me standing outside and he shut the door on my face." "Hmmm." " (KNOCK ON DOOR)" " Come in." "The prints will be ready in 10 minutes, sir." " All right, thank you." " That's it." "Fancy giving a thing like that to the poor dear." "Nasty, vicious thing." " Lf you want to know who done that..." " All right." "All right." "Take Miss Judith out, will you?" "And bring in Mr and Mrs Dax." "Yes, sir." "THORNE:" "Get Dr Willis on the line, will you?" "Oh, hello." "Ordeal over, Mr Dax?" "I do hope they didn't hurt you." "Not at all, it's a pleasure to be fingerprinted." "Makes you feel one of the family, so to speak." "Ah!" "Then perhaps you'll take one of the family chairs." "Thank you." "Now, whose idea was it to come down to Wood Cottage?" "Oh, mine." "You see, Andrew had got behind in his new book and Philip, that's our publisher, was getting very worried." "You see, they have to stick to dates." " And Andrew never will." " Oh, nonsense." "It's no good saying nonsense, darling." "You know, you promised to deliver before you went to America." "When you had that £500 advance." " Oh!" "You had a £500 advance?" " ANDREW:" "Yes." "And you still haven't finished the book?" "No." "Then you're being pressed by your publisher." "Being pressed?" "Look, Inspector, publishers are mean and grasping people." "So, if I don't get in first and plead poverty and lack of inspiration, I get done." "Now just a minute." "Let's stick to facts." "You owe your publisher £500 and he's asking you to repay it." " Repay Philip?" "Don't be silly." " Oh, what a crazy idea." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hello." "Yes." "Put him through." "Hello, Doctor." "Yes, I'm glad you rang." "I wanted your report on the time of death." "Not before 10 and not after 12." "You're quite definite about that?" "Oh, uh, the revolver, Miss Judith said it belonged to you." "Well, I'd like it cleared up." "Yes, I know she is..." "Oh, Miss Tulip's solicitors, Burton and Travers on the High Street." " Was that Dr Willis?" " Yes, why?" "Saying that death occurred between 10 and 12?" "But, that's ridiculous." "And your story is ridiculous too, Mrs Dax." "According to you, Miss Tulip is frightened." "Yet she appealed to you, perfect strangers, for protection." "She spoke of threatening letters, which Judith said she never had." "Your husband's being pressed for money yet she gave you jewellery to put in a nonexistent safe and she gave you the gun to shoot her with." "I have enough ridiculous facts to arrest you both." "Then why don't you, Inspector?" "Perhaps I'm waiting for the big build-up in the last chapter, Mr Dax." "Or perhaps, it's all a little too easy and obvious and you don't want to make too big a fool of yourself." "(PRESSING BUZZER)" "Take Mr and Mrs Dax back to Wood Cottage." "Yes, sir." "And stop at Burton and Travers Solicitors on the way." "What for?" "I want a little legal advice, any objection?" "You surprise me." "I shouldn't have thought you wanted advice from anyone." "Which only goes to prove, sometimes, even the police can be wrong." "Goodbye, Inspector." "(ARCHIE BARKING)" "Get me Constable Feathers at Wood Cottage." "(PHONE RINGING)" "215 Feathers speaking." "Mr Thorne." "Oh!" "The body's been removed, everything's in order." "Now, I'm just about to leave." "THORNE:" "You'll do nothing of the kind, stay where you are." "Could you speak a little louder, sir, I can't quite hear you." "Don't let Mr Dax out of your sights." "Keep a close watch on him." "Inside or out." "That depends on how tactful you can be." "Oh!" "You leave that to me, sir." "And, Feathers, watch your step." "We don't want another corpse on our hands at Wood Cottage, do we?" "Oh, I can't say I'm very keen." "I don't know that I can give you the information." "Look, Mr Burton, we only want to know if either Dr Willis or Miss Gale are mentioned in the will." " No." " BOTH:" "No?" "Because there is no will." "They were mentioned in some draft she drew up some time ago, but Miss Tulip kept changing her mind right up till a week or so ago." "She was coming to see me, but never came." " So, she died intestate." " Intestate." " Then who inherits?" " No one." "But surely she must have some family?" "Miss Tulip was the last of a very long line." "She and her sister Angela were the only children." "Oh, what happened to Angela?" " She went to Australia." " Australia." "The missing heir." "She'd disgraced her family, run off with some young profligate." "Her father was devoted to her." "It took him many years to forgive her." "But when he did, it was too late." "She was dead." "The blow killed the old man." "And Miss Millicent was left alone, sole heir to the Tulip fortune." "Then there still maybe some heir." "Don't you see, if Angela had a baby..." "There would still be no legal heir." "The man Angela eloped with deserted her without implementing his promise of marriage." " Hmmm." "Ditched her, did he?" " You men!" "(GASPING)" " Feathers, they've got him too." " Oh, no!" "(KATE SIGHING IN RELIEF)" "What are you doing here?" "Matter of duty, sir." "Well, am I to take it that we're under arrest?" "Oh, no, sir." "Well, then may I ask, just what you're doing in my house?" "(STAMMERING) Well, er, you see." " The inspector said..." " Yes, Feathers." "Er, um." "Well, I can't tell you, it's confidential." "ANDREW:" "Then let me guess." "You're ordered to see that I don't, to put it vulgarly, do a bunk." " Exactly." " Well, no, not exactly." "In a manner of speaking, you see, the inspector said..." "Oh, to blazes with the inspector." " Yes, sir." "No, sir." " Well, make up your mind." "Yes, sir." "Feathers, you know as well as I do, the police have no right to infest my premises." " Infest?" " The word was chosen with care." "But, I'm sorry, sir, my instructions are..." "To make sure that I don't vamoose." "Feathers, the whole of the outside world is yours." " It's a bit chilly outside, sir." " Yes, isn't it?" " I wish you a hearty good day." " Thank you, sir." "Oh, Andrew!" "How can you turn poor Mr Feathers out into the cold." "Think how you'd feel if he got pneumonia." "ANDREW:" "I know, how I'd feel." "Oh, but then I suppose, I'd save him." "Now, you're being very unkind." "I think, he's nice." "Look, how he helped me with the coffee this morning." "I'm sure, if we let him stay, he'd do the same again." "There's so much to do." "There's the carpet and the stairs to be swept." "And the grate to be cleaned and all the dusting." "Well, don't think I could very well do anything like that, you see, I'm on duty." "I should have thought it was your duty to give us a hand." "Then, of course, if you don't like us enough, then..." "Well, if you put it like that, lady, I suppose..." "(EXHALING)" "(CLOCK STRIKING)" "Phew!" "(EXHALING)" "Kate, I'm worried." "Feathers must have orders to stay here at all costs, otherwise he would never allowed himself to be turned into a housemaid." "Oh!" "Of course, he would." " He's very nice." " Well, that's not the point." "The inspector must seriously believe I killed Miss Tulip." "But we know you didn't." "Well, that's not going to be much comfort if I'm hanged." "Well, hanging wasn't meant to be very comfortable." "Andrew, don't talk like that." "Well, it's happened before." " Oh, we must do something." " Yes, but what?" "I have an idea floating around at the back of my brain but..." "Well, it just won't gel." "(GASPING)" "Don't turn that on otherwise we shall be drowned." " Anyway, I'm doing the washing." " Oh, all right." " Oh, don't use that cloth." " Well, why not?" "Well, because Mrs Jones left it outside yesterday and it got soaked." "There's a clean one in the drawer." "The rain." "Of course, that's right." "It was raining yesterday and last night." " Kate, I've got it." " Got what?" "The answer to the riddle, it's all clicking into place." "I may be wrong but..." " Feathers!" " What you want Feathers for?" "Feathers!" "Feathers!" "Come here a minute." "I want you to think very carefully." "When you examined the body, were the clothes damp or dry?" "Ah!" "That's just it." "They were dry." "That's why she couldn't possibly have laid outside in the shrubbery." " Not in that storm." " Then, why didn't you say so." "Oh, I tried to, but you know our inspector." "Nobody knows anything but him." "(EXCLAIMING) Honeysuckle!" "Now, there's only one chance, I must get out of here." " No, you can't do that, sir." " Of course, I can." "No, no, the inspector rang up, definite, very definite he was not to let you out of my sight." "Oh, come on, Feathers." "I'm sorry, sir, I'd liked to have helped if I could, but orders is orders." "If he hadn't rung up special, it would have been different." "Help, fellas, quick." "Do something." "All right, leave it a bit." "I see the trouble, this tap wants tightening." "That's it." "Plumbing's my strong suit." "Or used to be." "Do you think, we should turn it off at the main?" "Yes, if you wouldn't mind, before I get wet." "Andrew, you heard what Mr Feathers said, go and turn it off at the main." "All right, darling, I won't be very long." "Ah!" "Went loose again." "I'm afraid, you need to get a new one." "Still, I'll try and fix it up for you temporary." "Here we are." "No, we aren't." "Ever been to Trafalgar Square?" "Like an English summer, isn't it?" "Oh, what a shame, your beautiful uniform getting spoiled." "I'm sure, if you just..." "Beginners' luck." "I'm soaked to the skin." "Look, why don't you take your uniform off and we'll dry it in here." "I'll get you my husband's dressing gown." " Thank you." " Here!" "Where is he?" "There!" "He's gone, he's hopped it." "I know, but he'll be back." " But what about Mr Thorne?" " Yeah, what about Andrew's neck?" "What about my pension?" "Phew!" "Get me the police." "Have you taken leave of your senses?" "What do you think this is?" "A fancy dress party." " Couldn't say, sir." " It's all my fault, Inspector." "You see, the tap went wrong and Mr Feathers came to my rescue." "Only, he got awfully wet, so, we're drying his uniform in the kitchen." "And Mr Dax thinking everything is in good hands just went for a walk." "Oh, no, Andrew hates walking, he took Feathers' bicycle." "So, you let him pinch your bike?" "Surely, Constable, you should have given it to him." " Where are your manners?" " I was being tactful, sir." "Oh, for goodness sake, man, don't stand about like that." "Makes you look sillier than you are already." " Go and put your uniform on." " It's all wet." "So, are you." "Go and put it on." "To be taken in by a smart-alec like that." "What exactly do you mean by, "A smart-alec like that"?" "Just what I say, Mrs Dax." " Your husband..." " Is not a smart-alec." "And if you had one grain of common sense, you would know it." " He's gone because he's got a clue." " That's what he's told you." "Oh, don't be so silly." "Anyone would think, you really believed Andrew was guilty." "And they'd be right." "I have a warrant for his arrest." "But you're mad." "Give me one good reason, why he should want to murder Miss Tulip?" "I'll give you 10." "Which is the number of pieces of her jewellery, still missing." " That doesn't prove anything." " No?" "But the gun does, it only has one clear set of clear fingerprints on it, your husband's." "He couldn't have killed her." "We were together all night." "All night, Mrs Dax?" " Yes, and did you go to sleep?" " Of course." "Then how do you know your husband was with you." "Because the least noise wakes me up." "Why, I remember when he came back with milk and biscuits, I..." "When he what, Mrs Dax?" "When he went for the milk and biscuits I woke immediately." "I think you said, "When he came back"." "Oh, no, no, when he went." "I know I am right, because I was thirsty too and I remember thinking, how lucky it was that Andrew was out in the cold and not me." " So, he got you some as well." " Hmmm." "As well or did you drink out of the same glass?" "There was only one glass in your room this morning, Mrs Dax." "Oh!" "I don't remember." "Yes, it was the same glass." "I had a drink from his." "Mrs Dax, when your husband left you, you were asleep." "So, you haven't a clue, how long he was away." "Where he went or what he did." "But we have." "We say, that while you were sleeping, he went down and murdered Miss Tulip, and at this moment, he's on the run." "Hello." "Hello." "Hello, Exchange." "Get me the police." "Yes." "Well, you better sprint." "Alert all cars." "No sign of him, yet." "He's got to go somewhere, it's my bet he'll come back here." "But surely, if as you say, he did have something to do with Miss Tulip's death, then the last place he'd come would be here." "Perhaps, his superior knowledge of police methods will suggest that this is the place we won't be watching." "Andrew is not a murderer." "And even if he was, he wouldn't be stupid enough to come here." "So, you might just as well go back to your cells and handcuffs and things and leave me in peace." "You underestimate one factor, Mrs Dax." "You." "I don't suppose, you've known many men on the run." "But I have." "There's one thing they all suffer from, loneliness." "The knowledge, that every man's hand is against them." "I lay a fiver, he comes back here." "(DOOR OPENING)" "Andrew, the police are here." "The police." "I wondered if you could help me." "I'm so silly but I've lost my way." "Won't you come in?" "Oh, no, no, no, I won't come in." "It would only make you late." " Make me late?" " Yes." " I'm not going anywhere." " Oh, you're so right, so right." "You wouldn't like it anyway." "It's the summer time, though." "Gets the clocks all, all upset." "Don't you think?" "Madam, would you kindly tell me who you are?" "Certainly not, we've not been introduced." "Miss Tulip!" "Well, I mustn't stop your rehearsal." "We are not play-acting, madam, we are the police." "Oh, I'm so sorry, I only use may glasses when I'm reading." "We've got police in Australia too, you know." "Australia?" "You're Angela." "Yes, I'm Angela." " But you're dead." " Oh, I don't think so." "Am I?" "(LAUGHING)" " Oh, she's heard that funny story." " What funny story?" "About my being killed in the railway crash." "All the papers had my name all over them." "The people were so surprised when I turned up alive." "It was so exciting." " And your sister knew of this?" " Oh, yes, yes, Millicent knew." "I sent her all the cuttings to explain." "When did you get back?" "Oh, I'm not going back." "It would be so silly to go back having come all this way here, wouldn't it?" "Besides, Millicent is meeting me at the station." "Miss Angela, perhaps, you'd better sit down." "Oh, how kind of you." "Thank you." "I'm afraid, I have some bad news for you." "Oh, don't tell me she's cross with me again?" "No, she won't be cross with you any more." " Ah!" " You see, she's dead." "Murdered." "Oh, she should be more careful." "But, she can't possibly be dead without seeing me." "You see, we'd quarrelled, that's why I eloped to Australia." "It wasn't till years after that, that I wrote home, having read the announcement of my father's death in the paper." "Then Millicent wrote and told me, he cut me out of his will." "Is that why you killed her?" " I don't understand." " Mrs Dax, I must ask you..." "Quiet!" "You hated Millicent, didn't you?" "For the way she opposed you and made it necessary for you to run away." "And when you heard, how she cheated you out of your father's money, you decided to kill her." "My dear, you don't know what you're saying." "Mrs Dax, you mustn't make wild accusations like that." "They're not wild but I am, accusing Andrew of murder." "Anyway, she's been here before and I can prove it." "How?" "Because when she came in, Archie didn't bark." "He knew her, look at him now." "All animals like me but that's no proof." "I wouldn't be too sure of that." " Andrew." " Mr Dax." "SERGEANT:" "In the name of the law, I arrest..." "Oh, why don't you keep quiet while I talk to the Inspector." "Now, I am sorry that I had to run out on you, Inspector, but, well, I've been doing a little research on a story I thought up." " Yes, Mr Dax." " Yes, Inspector." "I have been working very hard, as a matter of fact and I've got quite a headache." "And now, I'm on the last chapter." "The one where we have the grand finale." "And the brilliant amateur solves the mystery that baffles the police." "That's right, yeah." "But it was really Kate who solved the mystery." "Oh, Andrew, did I?" "Yes, it was when you told me not to use that damp tea cloth and reminded me that it had been raining." "Feathers was on to it, too." " Feathers..." " Yes, he saw the snag right away." "You see, although the body had been laying outside her clothes were still quite dry." "That was when the penny dropped." "And as for you, never again will I say anything against a woman's intuition." "Your reconstruction of the crime was masterly." " Was it?" " Yes." "But not quite right." "She hated her sister all right and she killed her." "I mean, it was a clever plot to drive towards the close, stop on the way, commit the murder and then, imposing on two complete strangers, dump the body in the shrubbery to establish an alibi," "change clothes with the corpse during the night and appear the next day as her newly arrived sister, the only surviving member of the Tulip family, to claim the estate." "And that, that is exactly what you did do, Miss Millicent Tulip." "Millicent Tulip?" "Hit the jackpot in one." "Splendid." "Off with the disguise." "You should have found that out." "Elementary." "Go on, back on the beat." "Millicent Tulip, I arrest you for the murder of your sister Angela." "You're wasting your time, Inspector, she's as mad as a March hare." "It's a lie." "The March hare is as sane as I am." "Cost me a packet not to be certified." " Just come along with me, Madam." " Where are we going?" " To the station." " Good, I love trains." " Can we get some tea?" " Oh, yes." "Never drink it." "Well, what are we waiting for?" "Let's get cracking." " I'm marching along." " This way, madam." "MISS TULIP:" "I know the way." "I know the way." "I'm marching along." "I'm marching along." "Come along, come along, come along." "Come along, come along, come along." "Come along, come along, come along." "Well, how crazy you can get." " Thank heavens that's over." " Oh, yes." "Now, you'll be able to finish your book at last, darling." "You're supposed to be writing one, remember." " Oh, I'm never gonna finish that." " What?" "No, I got a much better idea." " Oh, no!" " Oh, yes." "And the title, Miss Tulip Stays the Night."