" Honey, I'm home." " In here, dear." "I came home early to help you get ready for the folks." " You?" " Never judge a gift by its wrappings." "Darrin." "Mother's going to join us for dinner." "Sam, my parents are coming over." "Now, that's what I call a gracious host." "Look, my parents are coming to town to see the baby for the first time." "I would like the evening to go smoothly." "Oh, it will, Darrin." "It will." "Mother's given her solemn oath to behave herself." "Haven't you, mother?" " Yes." " She even bought Tabatha a present." "Look." "Isn't he cute?" "May I see that for a minute?" "All right, what does he do?" "Suddenly turn into a real bear?" "Sing the second act from La Traviata?" "It sits on the shelf in a department store and people buy it." "It's not magic, just 8.95." "You swear there's nothing funny about this bear?" " Darrin, really." " Sam, I've been burned too often." "Do you swear?" "Well, if you're going to be boorish about it, yes." "All right." "Now, I thank you." "I think I'll go change for dinner." "The bear's all right." "It's the box that's magic." " I was wondering..." " Tell me, Mrs. Stephens..." "Oh, please, please." "Go right ahead." "Well, I was just wondering if you'd been over here very often since the baby was born." "Oh, just as often as I could." "There's so much work to do when there's a new baby in the house." "Do you think that's wise?" "Wise, Mrs. Stephens?" "Well, I mean, if it was me I'd worry about..." "About meddling." "Well, I scarcely think Samantha would consider her own mother a meddler." "Grandpa and Grandma will be up in a little while to see you." "Yes, they will." "No, I would say she definitely takes after my side of the family." "Of course, it's so hard to tell at this age." "She's still so young." "Well, I can tell." "Those little expressions, those mannerisms." "Of course, I've seen her so often." "This will be your first time, won't it?" "Tabatha is just waking up." "We'll run up and see her in a minute." "Mrs. Stephens, I was noticing Tabatha certainly has your eyes." "Oh, really?" "Yes, yes." "The resemblance is quite remarkable." "Of course, at this age, her eyes are still changing." "Still, I would have thought those little flecks of gold" "Where's Darrin?" "Oh, he's out in the kitchen with his father." "Frank is probably talking his ear off about another one of those "I hate being retired" schemes." "Well, I'll go see if I can pry them loose." "Yes, do." "As I was saying, Samantha's grandmother had just those same little flecks of gold in her eyes too." "Really?" "I've been telling Darrin about this fellow we met on the trip." "Seems that he's in the vending-machine game." "He's got this terrific idea." "Vending machines for cocktail lounges." "What do you think of it?" "Press a button, zap, out comes a Manhattan." " All he needs is a little capital." " I don't think..." ""I don't think it's such a terrific idea." Your husband doesn't like it." "I don't see sense in retiring then spending your time figuring out how to go back to work." "You don't?" " Can't you just relax, take it easy?" " You're just like your mother." ""Now we can travel, Frank." "Just like we've always wanted, Frank."" "What's wrong with that?" "I'd like to meet the guy who ever said that travel was relaxing." "Two hours at a museum takes more out of me than a full day at the plant." "Right now you can travel into the living room with this." " Then we can all relax." " At your service, ma'am." "That is the fourth harebrained scheme he's told me about." "He's gonna take a crazy flier in something if somebody doesn't stop him." " You stop him." " Right now I've got to head off mother." " Trouble?" "Well, they're not exactly having a love feast." "Any bloodshed?" "Not yet." "They're still at the kill-them-with-kindness stage." "You see, all you do is press this button and, zip, out comes a Tom Collins." "Zap, an Old Fashioned." "What do you think of it?" "It's a little primitive, but it's interesting." "I'm all for laboursaving devices." "Phyllis, see, here's a woman with some imagination." "Yes." "Yes, one can see that from the way she dresses." "Oh, thank you." "Can I freshen anyone's drink?" "Oh, Darrin." "I couldn't have done better myself." "Mrs. Stephens, have you tried the cheese crackers?" "Oh, yes, yes, dear." "Absolutely delicious." "Perhaps a touch more lemon the next time." "I do envy you, Mrs. Stephens, for being so domestic." "Personally, I'm not much of a homemaker." "No, you're more of the woman-of-the-world type." "A career woman." "Got a great head for business." "Oh, Pop, can I refill your drink?" "Yeah, just sweeten it up a little." "No ice, please." "Tell me your candid opinion." "If you were me, would you get mixed up in this vending machine deal?" " Mother?" " What?" "Why don't you come and help me in the kitchen?" "Oh, certainly, darling." "You know, I'm on sort of a sabbatical." "But I see no reason why an energetic man like you shouldn't get involved in whatever he wants." "Careful, dear." "Your back." " Frank." " Yes." "Where's the present we brought for Tabatha?" " It's right here." " Oh, Mrs. Stephens." "There was really no need." "After all the things you've sent." "Well, if Mrs. Stephens wasn't able to see Tabatha it's very nice to send presents." "I just couldn't resist this." "Isn't he precious?" "I think I hear Tabatha." "Excuse me." "Oh, let me go." "After all, what are grandparents for?" "Darrin, dear, you seem a little nervous tonight." "Is there something the matter?" "No." "No, I'm happy as a clam." "I'm just excited that you two are here." "Darrin?" "Yes, sweetheart." "Those olives aren't pitted." "I thought they were kind of crunchy." "Rhebus, phoebus, abatha-Tabatha" "A dancing bear be When you hear the name Tabatha." "Tabatha." "He really is adorable, Mrs. Stephens." "I know Tabatha is going to love him." "Yep, she's awake." "I'll bring her down." "I really am concerned about Darrin." "I've never seen him so fidgety." "You're just imagining things." "He's probably got a lot on his mind." "He's fine." "Really." "You like the dancing bear." "All you had to do was get rid of the bear." "Could I help it if she wouldn't part with it?" "Hello, sweetheart." "Did you have a nice nap?" "What did you do to her?" "I made her fall passionately in love with the teddy bear." "Well, just make her fall passionately out of love with the teddy bear." "Oh, don't be such a ninny." "She simply likes the toy." "Don't worry, sweetheart." "You'll have another bear in just a minute." "I'm sorry, but someday you'll understand." "Sam, why don't you bring the folks up?" "All right, we'll get it." "What a shame she should be crying when you see her for the first time." "Don't be silly, dear." "Children are always cranky when they wake up." "Well, it proves she's got a good set of lungs." "Well, here she is in all her glory." "She's beautiful." "And I have just the thing for her, a little playmate." "A nice fuzzy teddy bear." "Did you see that, Mother?" "We walk in and she stops crying." "That's quite a girl you've got there, Darrin, Samantha." "It looks like you're a little late with your teddy bear." "If I'd known she already had one." "Oh, Samantha, you should've told me." "Well, as a matter of fact..." "Samantha was so busy fixing dinner she just forgot I brought it." "You brought it?" "Well, I think that's terrific." "She'll be the only girl on the block with two teddy bears." "Make it three and you can change her name to Goldilocks." " Mother." " What, dear?" "Why don't you run down and see if the roast is ready." "Certainly, darling." "I'm always glad to help out." "Mom, why don't you give her your bear?" "Here you are, darling." "Now the teddy bear has a friend." "Looks like she's a one-bear girl." "Don't be silly." "She couldn't possibly know which is which." "See?" "Can't tell the difference, huh?" "Yes, sir." "She's quite a girl." "Well shall we all go downstairs and have a drink?" "Yeah, yes." "You run along." "I'll be down in a moment." "Run along." "Come on, run." " What's going on?" " I don't know." "All right, Tabatha, now we'll just..." "Oh, no." " Is anything wrong?" " Oh, no." "Will you look at that?" "It's really nothing." "It's just a dancing bear." "Well, no wonder she liked this one." "It's incredible what they can do with children's toys nowadays, isn't it?" "This bear is identical to the one I brought." "Look." "Look, the same brand." " Mine doesn't dance." " Let me have a look at that." "Well, actually it is the same bear, but I fooled around with it a little." "You know how I love to tinker, Pop." " Yes." "Yes, I do." " Well, it's really very simple." "You just invert the positive and the negative poles and that causes a reverse magnetic field." "And then that..." "It's the old Mexican-jumping-bean principle." "The old Mexican-jumping-bean principle and, zap, the bear dances." "Son, did you really make that bear dance?" "Old Mexican-jumping-bean principle." " Well, that's terrific." " It is?" "This is just what I've been looking for." "Now you leave everything to me." "I'll find the manufacturer and arrange the financing." "Your office can handle the advertising campaign." "Son, we are going to make a million dollars selling dancing bears." "Pop, no." "Oh, Frank, for heaven's sake." "Phyllis, we've raised a genius." "If everything goes the way I think it will within six months we'll have Oscar the Dancing Bear in every crib in the country." "Samantha, do you mind if I go lie down for a few minutes?" "I think I'm getting one of my sick headaches." "Here you are, Tabatha." "Pop, we can't go leaping into something like this without talking about it first." "You've been where?" "Oh, no." "You better come over here this afternoon." "Pop." "Pop!" "Don't you ever get tired?" " Your father?" " Yeah." "He's coming over this afternoon with a toy manufacturer." "How am I going to explain a dancing bear with nothing inside of it to make it dance?" "Will you please sit still?" "Darrin, I've tried all morning to unhex him." "Mother's the only one that can, and she won't show up." "You better try your mother again." "I'm going upstairs and try to remember that murder is against the law." "I'll say one thing." "You're a marvellous pacifier." "I'm glad to see one's gift is appreciated." "Hello, dear little one." " Mother." " Yes?" "Take the spell off that bear." "Why, Samantha, what makes you think I did it?" "Now, I hate to say this, but as long as that bear keeps dancing your granddaughter is off-limits." "I don't know where you learned to be so cruel." "It must be the mortal influence." "Well, very well." "Mudred, Milgrid, Polidor" "A dancing bear you'll be no more" "Thank you." "I hope you're satisfied." "Come on, sweetie." "You'll feel better after you've had your lunch." "She'll just have to learn to get along in a world without witchcraft." "Now, we'll get you upstairs, and nice and clean." " Is the bear defused?" " Yes." "Mother finally saw it my way." "Hello, dear." "Hello, Samantha." "What's the matter with my baby?" "I think she's a little disenchanted with her bear." "Well, maybe Grandmother has something to take its place." " How about a nice friendly clown?" " Oh, that's darling." "Oh, aren't you precious?" "Mom, you sure turned the trick." "Absolutely." "I was just gonna take her up for a bath." " Would you like to do it?" " Oh, I'd love to, Samantha." "Thank you, dear." " Come along, sweetie." " Up you go." "You and the nice funny clown can have a nap." "Would you like that, dear?" "I'll make some tea." "In the battle of the grandmothers, your mother is current leader." "Oscar, my boy." "You're about to make a comeback." "She doesn't like too many toys in her crib." "Well, she'll like this one." "Sleep well, little..." "Tabatha." "Sorry to have brought you out here, Mr. Hockstedder but I'm afraid the toy just doesn't work anymore." "But, Darrin, last night it worked perfectly." "I know, Pop, but today, nothing." "I'll show you." "Honey, where's the bear?" "It's in the dining..." "Oh, well, I guess it's in Tabatha's room." "Excuse me." "Would you like some more coffee, Mr. Hockstedder?" " No, thank you." " I just can't understand it." "It doesn't matter, Mr. Stephens." "In my line, you've got to follow up every crackpot..." "Amateur invention." "You never know when somebody's going to come up with something." "But frankly, it almost always turns out this way." "Last night, that bear was a regular Nureyev." "Look, I've got a research department at my plant that would knock your eye out." "The Air Force develops a new missile and the next week we've got it in plastic." "One of my boys developed a ray gun, and the government bought it from us." "The way things are going the Hockstedder Wind-up and Battery-Driven Spaceman will be on the moon before the astronauts." "How could you expect a crackpot...?" "Amateur...?" "There we are." "Well, here he is." "See, just sits there." "Tabatha's sound asleep, honey." "That's a knockout." "Let me see this." "Son, you're a genius." "How did you fix it?" "No wind-up key." "No batteries." "Remote control, huh?" "I guess you might say that." "Excuse me." "Gentlemen I got where I am by not being afraid to make decisions." "Which one of you has the controlling interest?" "Well, it's my son's invention, but I guess it's fifty-fifty." "Okay, I just made a decision." "I want 200,000 of these on the market as soon as my plant can turn them out." " Name your terms." " No." "What no?" "I haven't even started bargaining yet." "I mean, there are innumerable difficulties." "Just tell me your problems and my research boys will iron them out." "Mr. Hockstedder, we have something else I think you might be interested in." "A toy baby." "Terrific." "Wind it up, please." "This is our daughter." "Coochie-coo, kid." "What other toys have you got?" "Antimissile missile?" "Death-ray gun?" "By any chance have you got a germ-warfare kit?" "No, not exactly." "Mother, Mrs. Stephens, would you come in here for a moment?" "Now, Mr. Hockstedder, this is rather like the dancing bear." "My husband put in the mechanism just before you arrived." "What are you trying to do?" "Get us out of this." "You've got a great future in toys." "I'm in for the same number of clowns." "How about it?" "Oh, she's very attached to it." "Here you are, darling." "Have we got a deal or not?" "Don't you think we should consult our parents first, dear?" "Well, of course we've got a deal." "That's what Mr. Hockstedder's here for." " How about you, Mrs. Stephens?" " Me?" "It really is rather a wonderful opportunity." "But on the other hand, it's kind of a shame." "You see, now Tabatha is the only little girl with dancing toys." "If they're mass-produced, every baby will have one." "If I have any voice in this, I say no." "I have no intention of going into business." "I just wanted to bring home a toy that my granddaughter would like." "Oh, she does, Mom." "And the bear." "She's crazy about the bear too." "May I ask what's going on?" "Mrs. Stephens, I'm truly touched." "To think that you'd give up all that money just for Tabatha." "Just a moment." "Just a moment." "If I'm not mistaken, it was I who brought Tabatha the teddy bear." "That makes me a partner too." "Am I not right, Samantha?" "Well, yes." "In a way, Mother was really the driving force behind the whole deal." "And I will not allow crass commercialism to make my granddaughter just one of the crowd." "It's a tough decision." "What do you think, Pop?" "I'm sorry, Hockstedder." "No deal." "You're all cracking up." " My granddaughter is the most..." " My granddaughter is not about..." "If Thomas Edison would've gotten mixed up with this crowd he'd be the only man with a light bulb in his house." "This is not the spirit that made our country great." "Excuse me." "We're really very sorry, Mr. Hockstedder." "Don't worry about it." "If he can make a dancing bear and an acrobatic clown my research staff can too." " Like that:" " I doubt it." "Sam, you've got to do something." "It's almost midnight." "Well, I don't know what." "If I leave them in the crib, she stays awake watching them." "If I put them away, she cries." "This could go on for hours." "Isn't there anything you can do?" "Wait a minute." "I can't stop them from dancing when they're in the crib." "But maybe I could change the rhythm."