"A film by Peter Gothar" "VASKA EASOFF" "Screenplay by Laszlo Bratka and Peter Gothar" "Dir ector of Photography Francisco Gozon" "Once upon a time in a wondrous city" "Where even the nights are white, at number 35 Fontanka Street, beside the palace of the Sher emetyevs, once and former counts, on Stair case C. just to the left of the courtyard, and in a communal apartment," "ther e lived Vaska Easoff, the thief of old Peter's town." "One day, after quite a night befor e he is up to his neck in the waters of what was and what will be." "With a drop here and with a drop there, he tries to darn the holes in time." "Then what comes up the street, before his very eyes, but a procession, a small protest march." "Imagine our Vaska's surprise to see a coffin heading towar ds him." "With great respect, to help their loved one on his way, the good citizens ar e battering away at the coffin, like hail hammering on a tin roof." "The mourners explain that the late lamented has departed this world with a thousand of their rubles." ""Not worth bothering about!"" "says our Vaska." "Out he hauls the last of his Mohicans and heroically dashes them the thousand." "And with that, he sends the departed off, in style." "Har d work pr eserves the gave-diggers ' which is what makes them truly immortal." "The thief of the town glances at his last remaining possession:" "7:56 PM and ther e's the epitaph!" "With that done, he can sit at home to twiddle his thumbs, without a kopek, to drink tea without sugar, to eat stew without meat, to listen to Lie-Back Luvnia going on and on." "Because if the thief of the town won't polish his own shoes, the governor's daughter would like him to keep some of his other promises like him taking her to Nice or at least to Moscow." "To Moscow!" "To Moscow!" "One fine day when the tears are dripping, the door swings open." "At the threshold stands a bold chevalier." ""Are you Vaska, the thief of old Peter's town?"" ""No other man," says our Vaska." ""I'm Vanka, the Thief of the Village," says the stranger." ""And I've come here to off, er you an alliance."" ""That could be on, that could just be on!"says Vaska." "Luvnia won't stand in the way." "And just like that, the treaty is made!" "Vaska nods to the lovely Luvnia." "Trailing the patches of her gown, she heads for the staircase" "to tackle that complex task of pr eparing the launching of the alliance." "On the following day, they're off, to the one and only Passage store to establish the founding capital of the Aliance." "So they swigged and swagger all three all along the length of the galleries." "Now, they have to acquire certain documents which, for the moment, they seem to be lacking..." "Now that the foundation capital is to hand, off, they go to the finest purveyor of victuals in old Peter's town." "With Eastern magic, and some cunning arrangement the standar d selection can look like true and ample choice." "They provision themselves with pepper vodka, herrings from the sea in the tomatoes of the soil!" "Not forgetting the lemon!" "Enough to set mouths a watering even when there's on appetite!" "And so off, they take themselves to the Silken Meadow-of-Shuvalovo." "The car follows the avenue and out of the city it goes." "Now, every city has an avenue that has to take you out on which the red lights are long and the green ar e short." "They arrive at Shuvalovo and up they go straight to the Scrape-The-Sky Tr ee." "Now, of course, a tree only scrapes the sky when we believe it does..." "There they are, stretched out on the grass, eyes lifted to the light." "From somewhere on high, the r ays of the sun car ess them and singing to them ar e the bir ds of the Lor d, who neither sow, nor do they weave." "ar e the bir ds of the Lor d, who neither sow, nor do they weave." "All of a sudden, another bird br eaks into song." ""What kind of songbird is that?" says our Vaska." ""That's not any old bird the griff, eridger nests in the Scrape-the-Sky Tree,"" "Vaska answers, and pulls out from the two pocket of his coat, pockets deep and wide, so useful to a thief his two trusty pistols and badaang!" "He drops the griff, eridger." ""Up you go Vaska, ther e may be something in the nest."" "And so up goes Vaska to take a look..." ""Ther e's a sar dine tin key up her e!"" ""That's not any old key, that's the Blooded Sardine Tin key!"" ""Throw it down her e!"" ""Anything else up there?"" ""Bir d crumbs!"" ""Try them for size!" And down they come too." ""And ther e's a ball of silk thread."" ""That's not any old ball,"" "and Vanka's eyes sparkle." ""That's the griff, eridger's Guiding Thread, the Guiding Thr ead!"" ""Let's have that down here too."" "So Vaska neatly lets it fly." "Our Vaska lets himself down, inch by car eful inch for you have to respect a Scrape-The-Sky Tree." "Vaska back to earth, they demolished the pepper vodka, abolished the lemon, and straight back to the city... but not before the Alliance has rested on its laur els." "Now, ther e's no such thing as a bank without a squar e and no such thing as a squar e without a changing of the guar d." "On the square, as empty as Russia, right befor e the National Bank, our two good thieves swagger their beat." "And before this hub of finance, pounding his beat is one fine guard." ""Comrade constable, if you don't mind, could a son of the soil, a humble tiller of the soil, feast his eyes from the roof of this fine building?"" ""You can go and feast your eyes somewher e else, comrade Soilovitch, because this is the country's depository and repository."" "Vaska takes out a banknote, he shows it to the guard." ""Workers of the world unite!" "The guar d looks around and deposits the off, ering." ""Well, if that's the way it is, a little unity goes a long way!" ""Just lay back your wings and see where they take you."" "And so it comes to pass." "Hand in hand, on flying feet, the two gr eat thieves begin their dance up and turn, turn and up until, up there." "They choose the perfect place to set those feet on a world-historic roof." "Out with the Blooded Sardine Tin Key and Vanka cuts a cir cle in the roof, and a fine hole opens befor e their very eyes." "He winds one end of the Guiding Thr ead around Vaska's button." ""Down you go Vaska, my great and good friend!"" ""Not me, I'll fall for sure..."" ""You can't fall, Vaska... this is the Guiding Thread," Vanka reminds him." "And so the fine-fingered thief of old Peter's town plunges into that hole." "In the strong rooms of the Revolution lie buried the tr easures from the far-off, times of the tsars." "They are right in the midle." "There's the gold and the cash, ther e's the jewels of the people, all to go into those pockets, so deep and so wide." "And then they leave, just as they came hand in hand like two lovers who have taken the air..." "But behind them, the strong rooms ar e as bar e as a new born babe." "Then, with the speed of a deed well done, straight back to 35 Fontanka Str eet beside the palace of the Sher emetyevs once and former counts," "Staircase C, just to the left of the courtyard." "Now, after a deed well done ther e has to be wine, women and song." "Luvnia lavishes them with herrings, woos them with wine, and they, lords of cr eation, remind her why she's called Lie-Back." "But when evening comes, they sing for her a song of lords of old and of their doxies hot and bold." "Next day, the great Zinoviev himself, bright and brassy as new minted penny, arrives at the National Bank, with a look that would kill both coming and going, Ah ha!" "Ha ah!" "Zinoviev looks, and he looks, and however he looks, ther e's a hole in that roof and under that hole, ther e ar e strong rooms so bar e!" "Now his eyes may be swollen, but they can still drill through the twelve men true of the Red Brigade." ""Cunting assholes" is the best he can say." "But they only have eyes for their shoes and not for the gr eat Zinoviev." "Only when those eyes have gone by, does the Brigade raise its gaze to the roof and the hole a window on the sky." "As rage becomes fury, and fury sound." "He orders the Brigade of twelve men true to bring up Fedka the Master Thief of Petersburg." "And whatever Zinoviev wants the great Zinoviev gets." "Now, this Fedka" "Zinoviev has had on ice since the time of the tsars, a case ofjust in case and well you never know..." "So in they bring Fedka, with a head mor e bunions than hair." "Zinoviev bundles him into an armored car all gold, and with the red flag flying it's off, to the National Bank, for Zinoviev to apply the dialectic principle." "Now for every question ther e has to be an answer, and the old thief has the answer here." ""Not your everyday rogue at work, whoever got in used the Blooded Sar dine Tin Key!"" ""Used the Blooded Sardine Tin Key and the Guiding Thread."" ""And to lay a hand on the collar of a rogue like this what you need is the Great Soviet Billy Goat!"" "The gr eat Zinoviev is stagger ed to hear that the old rogue had hear d of the Gr eat Soviet Billy Goat." "For Zinoviev doesn't know that there's a lot to hear if you haven't drunk away your ear." "Our Vaska and Vanka take their new coats and fr eshly washed hair for a stroll along the Nevsky." "Between them glides the lovely Luvnia, arrayed so fair, from shop to shop, with basket so deep and so wide." "Another day, another procession." "But it takes Soviet man to know what a procession of this kind is." "And this is this kind of procession." "Words can fly but deeds fly quicker still at the court of the great Zinoviev:" "the following day along the Nevsky comes the Great Soviet Billy Goat." "Behind him the Militia and the Justified, the Procur ator and the Provocateur and shaking his gr eat head..." "...the living church." "Led by the golden chain of the Office for Chur ch Aff, airs." "Golden Horn..." "Golden Horn" ""Horn of Gold"" ""Horn of Plenty!"" "The horn, the horn at least is what I want!" ""I'm done for Luvnia if I can't have the horn!"" ""Come on now, is it that important?" cuts in Vanka." ""Comrade constable, if our don't mind could a humble tiller of the soil, feast his eyes upon this achievement so rar e?"" ""Feast away, my treasur e if that's what you want."" ""Come to us and enjoy what the Lord in His bounty has seen fit to send."" ""So we will."" ""The word is go!" the great Zinoviev commands." "And there's no refusing that invitation." "The procession proceeds and they, following a plan so secr et with the Great Soviet Billy Goat turn into 35 Fontanka Str eet beside the palace of the Sher emetyevs, once and former counts" "Staircase C, just to the left of the courtyard." "The Militia and the Justified, the Procur ator and the Provocateur and at the tail, shaking his gr eat head the Living Chur ch itself." "Vanka and Vaska stagger their guests with a Volga of vodka" "and Luvnia's in her element!" ""Now you see so clear..." "just how much you'r e dear!"" ""Comrade guests, let us not neglect what the Lord in His bounty has sent."" "The following morn, they render thanks for the bounty of the Lor d and off, they go to Zinoviev." "But befor e they part they leave the writing on the wall:" "HERE WE WERE AND HERE WE GLOAT" "BEFORE WE LEFT WE ATE THE GOAT!" "Now, wor ds can fly but deeds fly quicker still at the court of the great Zinoviev out comes the procession from the Smolny to catch Vaska and Vanka." "Escorted by the Militia and the Justified the Procur ator and the Provocateur and at the tail, shaking his gr eat head the Living Church itself." "They have to wait, the r adiator of the r evolution cools down." "With heads as thick as their tongues, the procession once more proceeds." "On they roll along the Nevsky." "wr eathed in blue smoke scorning fear, they turn befor e number 35 Fontanka Street beside the palace of the once and former Sheremetyevs!" "Building III." "Stair case C. just to the left of the courtyard." "HERE WE WERE AND HERE WE GLOAT" "BEFORE WE LEFT WE ATE THE GOAT!" "HERE WE WERE AND HERE WE GLOAT" "BEFORE WE LEFT WE ATE THE GOAT!" "Zinoviev is beside himself even at the entry to the once and former Sheremetyevs" "Iooms that writing on the wall." "The gr eat Zinoviev loses his head." "Faced with himself... he can only tear his hair." "No longer can he admire any portrait of himself." ""Fedka..." "Fedka!" ""Fetch me here the Master Thief of Petersburg." "Here and now!"" "And fetched he is." ""Counter r evolutionary fossil, bar e of head and tsarist devil just because of you" ""the Party's hoofed property has been liquidated!"" "Time passes by and one fine day Vaska and Vanka realize their money is spent." "A string bag of empties with some Eastern magic, Luvnia can turn into a bottle." "Now soldiers are trained that in difficulty or defeat ther e's still a duty to be done." "An enemy to face... and, even better, to lock up." ""Comrade Zinoviev, instead of moaning consider what I've told you..."" "And the Master Thief of Petersbur g gently recites the lesson..." ""He's not your everyday rogue, someone who uses a Blooded Sardine Tin Key and a Guiding Thr ead and to finger his collar you need the Molasses Barrel."" "Without his friend Vaska's heart is sad and low." "To come back alone he knows is a breach of trust." "But our fainthearted fugitive has pockets as empty as Russia and those empty pockets win out over fear." "And if the Guiding Thr ead wer e to slip through his fingers!" "For a friend, loyal and true, coming to his rescue can only see that all that can go wrong has gone." "Vaska lets himself down to the vault where Zinoviev in his cunning and his greatness has placed the Molasses Barr el." "What use is a head?" "All the better for cutting off, ." "What use is a Blood?" "All the better for spilling." "Vanka r epays bad with good." "From his boot he draws his butcher's knife and cuts off, Vaska's curly head." "Into a sack he places it." "The safes he strips bare as a new born babe and it's straight off, home." "to 35 Fontanka Str eet beside the palace of the Sher emetyevs, once and former counts where he takes out Vaska's once and former head places it in a jar of strawberry jam stews it tenderly, the better to preserve it" "covers it car efully ties it up with string" "and puts it on a shelf in the pantry." "In the morning, Zinoviev takes note of a hole in the roof the Molasses Barrel under the hole, a gold watch in the Barr el and the body of a man without paper or head." "The gr eat Zinoviev commands that Fedka be produced and produced he is." "Fedka quietly provides the answer:" ""According to research most recent this child of the Bountiful Lord is not your everyday rogue, of that ther e can be no doubt." "For this thief is part of the great conspiracy." ""To collar his accomplice... let me tell you how..."" "And Fedka quietly r ecites the lesson to the great Zinoviev." "In the morning, Vanka sets off, to investigate..." "At Holy Trinity Bridge beside the statue of the once and former Suvorov he watches the cruiser of the Revolution laden with the Molasses Barrel and the body without papers or head." "Twelve men true of the Red Brigade ar e standing their nails and blowing their feet against the cold." ""Comrade constables, com and have one with a son of the soil, a humble tiller of the soil!" "And don't stand back because what we have here is what the Good Lor d Himself puts down on Saturday nights."" "A glance among the Red Brigade, a nod among the Red Brigade to help the people is their task and here is a son of the people come to ask!" "And help is what the Red Brigade is for..." "Words can fly but deeds fly quicker still." "Come the dawn, and Zinoviev on his rounds." "He observes the result of helping the people." "With his escort reformed, he forces his way into the Brigade formed up in a star so red and turns the ship upside down." "They search and they search, those sailors of the Revolution but nothing do they find, no one and no body." "And with that shot, the flagship of the breath of new times once again shells it's way into history." "On that same evening Vanka brings in that pot of jam." "Fishes out Vaska's head... wipes it gently... places it back on the body" "and around the neck makes a pass with the Blooded Sardine Tin Key." ""Workers of the World Unite!"" ""I slept so well, had such sweet dreams!"" ""Wher e was I?"" ""Checking the sell-by date of some strawberry jam!"" "The door opens discretely as if ther e is good news behind it." ""Zinoviev, we've been well and truly screwed!"" ""Tell me once and tell me no mor e" "Vaska my great and good friend, what is tearing your heart?"" ""Why should there not be tears, with the sweet dreams I dreamed and the fine plans I planned while my head was checking the sell-by date of the jam?"" ""The dreams, Vaska, what did you dream of?"" ""Of seven doors and seven locks, and behind them" "Zinoviev stashed away, from the time of the tsars a Tsarina so fair, as fair as a princess can be."" ""Ah yes, that princess..."" ""So fair... dear God..." "that without that princess my life is not worth living."" ""What do you think the Blooded Sar dine Tin Key is for?" "'" "Words can fly but deeds fly quicker still." "And so on the very next day the Tsarevna, as fair as a princess can be awakens when a bold chevalier leans over her bed to brush her lips so coral with his so gallant." "And so, at 35 Fontanka Street beside the palace of the Sher emetyevs, once and former counts comes straight away a wedding feast to end all wedding feats." "And as they celebrate, the wine runs red and fr ee..." "Up rises bold Vanka, the great Thief of the Village" ""A glass with me, my great and good friend" "for my time has come and I must up and go."" ""Go?" "Go where?"" ""To the Smolensky cemetery."" ""To the Smolensky?" "The cemetery?" ""Remember the funer al and the dead man's debts you paid off,?" "Well that dead man is me!"" "And those were the words of Vanka, Thief of the Village and with those wor ds he takes his leave..." "He parades along the gr eat white way escorted to the city's edge by that wedding party." "His craftsman's tools he entrusted to the Post hostages to fortune then he parts and fades away." "Time passes and passes, the Thief of the Town has no more need to snar e the goods of others since with Heaven's help he has made his own nest." "And in that nest Vaska and Luvnia and little Aurora Lived happily ever after." "This story comes from Maria Koziryeva, who got it from her father, Lev Gordon, who heard it as a for ced laborer when building the White Sea Canal."