"I'm sure you're all aware of the conflict in Burundi which is now spilling over into Rwanda and Uganda." "He's making these names up." "He's finally run out of stuff to teach." "The Burundian conflict centers on class differences between the poorer Hutus and the richer Tutsis." "We're gonna have to put a bag over him and drag him out of the room." "That way, we save his dignity." "Class differences, the strife between the have and the have-nots, a perennial source of misery on our planet." "Another source of misery," "I expect each of you to do a paper on this topic during Thanksgiving break." "(STUDENTS GROAN)" "He's trying to drag us down with him." "But before we break for the holiday," "I want to congratulate you all on this year's food drive." "I mean, you've shown real generosity and selflessness." "That said, this year's winners are Cory Matthews and Shawn Hunter." "Oh, yeah!" "(GRUNTING)" "Mr. Feeny, this is so unfair." "They just keep turning in the same cans year after year." "Hey, my family gives them to the food bank, the food bank gives them to my family, my family gives them back to the food bank." "It's life in the food bank chain." "So, what'd we win, Mr. Feeny?" "You've won a turkey..." "Oh." "And a box of stuffing." "Ooh." "Ooh." "(BELL RINGS)" "Have a wonderful holiday, and don't forget that paper." "Shawn, you can have the turkey." "I'll take stuffing." "But I want stuffing." "Well, of course you want stuffing." "Everyone wants stuffing." "Stuffing's the best part." "I'll flip you for it." "I don't want to lose." "But you might win." "But, you see, if I lose, then I don't get stuffing." "There must be a way for both of us to have stuffing." "There isn't." "There must be." "Impossible." "There's stuffing." "You either have it, or you don't, unless..." "We get more stuffing?" "No." "I'd want that, too." "What I'm getting at is that we both have stuffing together." "But it's Thanksgiving." "I gotta be with my family." "Well, me, too." "Don't you see?" "That's perfect." "We can have Thanksgiving together." "But our families barely know each other." "And what better time for them to get acquainted." "Okay." "Okay." "It'll be the first Hunter-Matthews Thanksgiving dinner." "It's gonna be great." "I don't wanna." "Come on." "It's Thanksgiving, a time of thanks..." "And giving." "It's a family holiday." "Well, the Hunters are a family, we're a family." "We can be families together." "I'll tell you one thing." "Over at the Hunters, they are absolutely delighted about having Thanksgiving with us." "Do I look delighted?" "Oh, come on." "Why can't we all spend Thanksgiving together?" "Because it is unnatural to mix the classes, Son." "You're tampering with the primal force of nature here." "Why?" "I think getting together with the Matthews is a wonderful idea." "Have you been drinking?" "I don't see anything wrong about having contact with a better class of people." "Better?" "Well, now we get to it." "You are a social climber." "Say what you will, but they're coming." "Over my big, dead body." "My folks are totally up for it." "Mine, too." "It is gonna be great." "That was Virna Hunter with a little pre-Thanksgiving Day tip." "Oh, that's nice." "What did she say?" "Well, apparently, there are a lot of stray animals running around the trailer park, particularly this one vicious goat, so don't wear red and don't make any jerky movements." "Oh." "Well, maybe we should wear camouflage." "That upsets the bear." "(KNOCKING)" "Hello, Mr. Matthews." "Out of respect, I come to you, the father of young Morgan Matthews, to discuss, shall we say, a dating situation." "(WHISPERING) Amy, call the cops." "No, no, no." "Mr. Matthews, please." "Herman." "Go ahead, Herman, just as we practiced." "Dear Matthews family, especially the father," "I request the presence of Morgan Matthews for an after-dinner piece of pumpkin pie." "Word around the trailer park suggests that you will be on the premises Thanksgiving Day." "Mom, Dad, would that be okay?" "That would be fine." "Come, Herman." "If we are to have a female visitor, we must tidy the trailer." "Good day to you, the Matthews." "And we look forward to seeing you on Thursday." "Oh." "A word of gentle caution..." "We know about the goat." "Do not underestimate him." "He is wily." "Wow." "This is gonna be great." "You guys are finally gonna get to see where my best friend lives." "Oh, I left my purse in the car." "What do you need your purse for?" "Well, I just don't wanna leave it in the car, okay?" "Well, I don't want to leave the car in the car, but we're stuck with it, okay?" "I can't believe you guys." "Just give me the keys to the car." "I'll be more than happy to go and get the purse." "And when would you be back?" "Not coming back." "You know, I am never taking you guys anywhere again." "I am very surprised by this family's negative attitude." "I have to go to the bathroom." "Not here, honey." "Hold it till we get home." "Cory, purse." "Okay, look, the Hunters' trailer, it's right over there." "Ah, the one that looks like all the other ones." "Yeah, that's it." "Okay, so which one did Cory say it was?" "Well, maybe it's the one with their name on it." "That says "The Unters," Dad." "Obviously, the "H" fell off during the last twister or flood or goat attack." "Uh..." "Hi there." "You folks lost?" "Uh, isn't this the Hunters' trailer?" "Uh, no." "We're the Unters, like it says right there on the side." "Oh." "Well, naturally, I assumed that the "H" had fallen off." "So you think if a letter fell off my name," "I wouldn't replace it?" "No, no." "(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)" "We're just lost." "We're just..." "Friendly people lost." "So you aren't from around here." "We live over in Cedar Heights." "Ah, well, la-de-da." "I hear that Cedar Heights is quite the lovely neighborhood." "We're having Thanksgiving dinner with the Hunters." "The Chet Hunters?" "Now, you see, they have an "H."" "Yes, so we're just gonna get over there if you could just tell us where "there" is." "The Chet Hunters live right, um..." "There." "Mmm-hmm." "So..." "I won't be keeping you any longer because I'm sure they're really looking forward to your visit." "Okay, they're here." "Big smiles, everybody." "Hi." "How you doing?" "Come on in." "Hi." "Hi." "Hi, Chet." "Hi." "Wow." "We were over at the Unters." "Chet, I brought you this really nice bottle of wine." "Well, thank you, Alan, but as it happens, we had a very good wine planned for this evening's festivities." "Excellent wine, whole box of it right in the refrigerator." "Oh, well, in that case, we don't need to drink this." "We'll drink yours and save this." "No, no, no, no." "If you went to the trouble of bringing us wine, the least we can do is drink yours and not ours." "You know what would be just special?" "What do you say we pour both our wines in a big bowl and add some bananas and oranges and have ourselves some friendship Sangria?" "(SOFTLY) Nobody wants that, Virna." "(WHISPERING) Yes, we do." "We want that." "We want bananas and oranges and tiny little pastel-colored umbrellas." "Now you go get them." "They're in the drawer." "May I serve you some hors d'oeuvres?" "This is a Gruyere and pecan log with a selection of crackers." "It's one of the items I most enjoy from the good people at Hickory Farms." "Oh, I would love some." "Thank you, Virna." "Looks great." "Mmm." "I know it's not as fancy as what you would have served at your home." "No, no, it's exactly what I would have served." "No." "You're just saying that." "You would have served the port wine Cheddar in the ceramic crock." "Yeah." "Remember, you gave it to that mailman that one year for Christmas." "What?" "He's not just our mailman." "He's my biological father." "But he doesn't know that I know." "I should have bought the crock." "I'm pretty sure Hickory Farms is still open." "I'll buy the crock." "Virna." "Virna." "Virna." "Right now, you're acting as daffy as your Aunt Lucy who nobody speaks of." "I just wanted tonight to go well." "Well, it can't go well if you go running off into the night like some kind of cheese-crazed banshee, now, can it?" "Yes, it can." "Cheese can turn this around." "It's not about what we eat, honey." "It's about who we are." "And who they are." "And we're different." "And no amount of cheese is gonna change the fact that tonight is not gonna go well, and I told you so." "(SIGHS)" "Hey." "How we all doing?" "Great or really great?" "Shawn, how could you let this thing fall apart before I even get here?" "It's bigger than me, Cory." "It's bigger than both of us." "Okay." "Well, it's up to us to hold this thing together." "Lose the purse, and I'll take you seriously." "But it goes with my shoes." "(CHUCKLES)" "Here you go, Mom." "Chet, is everything all right?" "Oh, uh..." "You mean Virna?" "She's just having one of her bouts." "You got any female calming' pills in that purse?" "Not that I can spare." "(KNOCK AT DOOR)" "Well, that's my lift." "Thanks for having me, seriously." "Seriously, thanks for having me." "Nobody's getting off this island, Gilligan." "Well, hey there, Luther." "What can I do you for?" "We're having an emergency meeting of the Trailer Park Homeowners Association of which we strongly feel you should attend." "Kind of busy now, Luther." "You know, entertaining and all." "Emergency meeting." "We strongly feel (WHISPERING) that you should attend." "Oh." "Uh, okay." "Y'all party on." "Don't let my absence be a damper on the evening's soiree." "Now, Luther, what was so important that you had to drag me away from my guests?" "Oh, my stars and garters." "Yes, Chet, it is I, Herbert." "Herbert, I hope you've simply come to wish me a happy Thanksgiving and that I've given you no cause to emerge from your deep seclusion." "Once there was a land below the freeway overpass next to the self-storage facility." "And men saw that land, and they knew that it was good and trailer-ready." "And so we gathered here with our families, hard-working men and women of a common purpose, and each family having no more or less than his neighbor." "There was no envy and there was no shame, and, so, there was peace upon this land until today, where you have brought outsiders into our midst." "Come on, Herbert." "They're really very nice people." "They are not from here, and they look down upon us, and we will not tolerate their condescension." "Oh, come on, Herbert." "I mean, I don't want to be of a different mind than the multitude, but don't you think you're pressing some emotional hot buttons just to get the people riled up?" "Enough!" "Jerry Springer's on." "So, get 'em out of here, Chet." "Get 'em out of here now." "I have Cheez Whiz," "Rice Chex, and an olive with a pimento on it." "Please." "I told you this was a great idea." "It's an episode of COPS waiting to happen." "You know, Chet's been gone an awful long time." "Do you think there's any kind of problem?" "Oh, no." "I'm sure it's nothin'." "And I would just like to apologize for my previously erratic behavior, and I just hope we can get back to our uneventful..." "Wikki wikki Hawaiian luau." "What?" "Well, I hope y'all enjoyed your dinner and thanks for coming, and, well, let's do this again next year at some neutral third-party air force base." "Dad, we haven't eaten yet." "Of course we haven't eaten." "Why, our guests have just arrived." "But this is the small talk part of the evening, so y'all talk, we'll talk." "Everybody talk, talk." "Outside." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "Ah, them Hunters. (LAUGHS)" "Quirky, but you gotta love 'em." "You did this to us." "I mean, I could be at home right now in my nice, comfortable house, which is built into the ground, but no, no, no." "See, you had to drag us to the center of Looneyville." "Eric, Eric, I'm sure your brother feels bad enough." "Let me talk to him." "The Cowboys, Redskins." "That's a good game I'm missing." "Alan, he's just a boy." "He meant well." "Honey, I know that Shawn is your best friend, but we never really made friends with his parents." "Yeah, but why, Mom?" "I mean, just because we have more things than they do?" "Because Dad makes more money than Shawn's dad?" "That's why we can't sit down and have a nice meal together?" "(SIGHS)" "Son, you won't realize this till you grow up, but being right is not necessarily enough to change the way people feel." "I told you what would happen if you invited them "aristocats" down here, Virna." "Now we have ourselves a real situation here." "So what?" "You're just gonna kick my friend's parents out?" "No, I'm not gonna kick your friend's parents out." "I am, however, gonna really hurry 'em along." "Well... (LAUGHS) Hello." "What are y'all doing out here, outside, where you can be seen through a scope?" "Well, we're taking Morgan over to Herman's trailer." "Okay." "Okay." "That'll be fine." "Shawny, why don't you go with them and show him how we locals like to walk real low to the ground?" "You know, for fun." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, too." "Ready for your pie?" "I..." "I just got my turkey." "(CLEARS THROAT) Please don't take this the wrong way, but don't you think we oughta wait for the kids?" "It's a Hunter Thanksgiving tradition." "Kids don't eat, and it's time for pie." "Oh." "There goes my fork." "What's that make?" "Three?" "Here." "Have another." "Oh, I guess it's good to have a big 'ol bag of forks around." "Well, this time, I'm gonna try and find a sturdier one." "Or you could go easy on the one you got." "Chet, you're right." "Why waste another fork?" "I'm just gonna use the little forky part of the one I got." "Chet, (CLEARS THROAT) if our dinner guest is not comfortable with our plasticware," "I think it's only right we accommodate him with a regular metal fork." "Well, heck, why don't we just give everybody a metal fork?" "(SOFTLY) No, Chet." "No." "Why?" "Why?" "Because our forks don't match?" "Our forks don't match." "Oh, you know, I remember so well that our forks and spoons didn't match when we were starting out." "(CHUCKLES)" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Chet, Virna, clearly this isn't working." "You guys went way out of your way for us, and we really appreciate it." "I understand." "It's not personal." "Sometimes what's important to realize is some folks just don't blend together so well." "Yeah." "We should just leave it that way." "Doesn't make it anybody's fault." "I'm sure the kids will understand." "Shawn, I'm really sorry about this whole thing." "I mean, my parents have just been acting like jerks." "Yeah, well, my parents didn't exactly go out of their way to make them feel welcome." "I guess this whole thing was just a mistake." "You know, why can't they just hang out together?" "Adults are not narrow-minded by nature." "They can, however, be set in their ways." "I am but a callow youth, yet it seems to me a shame they should be set in the way of disliking each other." "They come from different worlds." "Think of them as the Hutus and Tutsis, living with prejudice and hatred passed on from parent to child because it is what they've grown accustomed to." "You know, are we the only two people on this whole planet who don't know who the Hutus and Tutsis are?" "You know, Cory, for once, I think our ignorance may be working for us." "What?" "You mean if we knew better, we wouldn't be friends?" "Yeah, so I'm glad we don't know better." "Yeah, me, too." "Well, our table is in order." "It is time to proceed with our holiday repast." "Are you guys sure this is okay?" "There is always room for more at our table." "It is our Thanksgiving custom to go around the table and let each person say what they are thankful for." "Then we eat?" "Then we eat." "I'm thankful for that." "Next." "More?" "Okay." "Um..." "I'm also thankful to be having Thanksgiving dinner with my brother and my sister and all my friends and that I'm taping the game." "Next." "I'm thankful for these guests and that we've been blessed with enough food to share with them." "Herman." "I'm thankful to be sitting next to this delicate blossom who has won my heart." "Dearest." "I am, for once, thankful to be sitting at the kids' table." "Shawn." "I'm thankful that you're my friend." "And I guess I'm thankful that my parents taught me to like people for who they are," "even if they weren't lucky enough to be raised that way themselves." "Well, I feel about two inches tall." "Whew." "That's two inches taller than I feel." "Maybe we could all try this again." "It'd be a shame to waste all that cheese." "Hey, Luther, why don't you join us here?" "We're having an emergency meeting of the human race." "(CLEARING THROAT) Y'all have room for us?" "Yeah." "There's always room for more at our table." "By and large, your papers were above-average." "Very good work." "What, don't I get mine?" "Did you recycle it already?" "Can't just fail me privately." "You gotta Braveheart me up here." "I simply wondered if you would mind reading your paper to the class, starting here." "(CLEARS THROAT) Okay." ""This past week, I spent Thanksgiving" ""with the Hutus and the Tutsis," ""which was a real surprise to me" ""because I live in Philadelphia," ""and I thought that kind of prejudice based on class differences" ""only happened in undeveloped countries."" "It that enough?" "I'm getting vertigo from facing this way in the room." "No, no." "Go on." ""But I discovered that even in my very own civilized country," ""people can be just as undeveloped and just as cruel." ""But more importantly, and the thing that gives me hope," ""is that as long as the children are educated" ""about the dangers of prejudice and intolerance," ""then perhaps there will be a reason for Thanksgiving in the future."" "That's the best work you've ever done, Mr. Hunter." "Um..." "C minus?" "All right." "No." "A plus." "(GASPS)" "I'm as shocked as you are." "All right, Shawn." "A plus." "I'm better than you are now."