"(birds chirping, dog barking)" "(snoring)" "MAN:" "Let'sgo ." "¶I 'mgonnaleaveyou anyway" "I'm gonna leave you anyway" "Gonna leave you anyway. ¶" "(water running)" "GRETCHEN:" "Oh,Iloveyour  shower." "JIMMY:" "Yeah,it 'sagoodone." "GRETCHEN:" "Meandthishand  nozzle thingy have gotten very close." "You're S.O.L., but trust me, it's amazing." "JIMMY:" "Oh,Iuse it." "GRETCHEN:" "How?" "JIMMY:" "I shootit up my butt." "GRETCHEN:" "Youdo ?" "JIMMY:" "Sure." "GRETCHEN:" "Oh,yeah!" "What do you know?" "(grunts)" "(clears throat)" "JIMMY:" "What?" "GRETCHEN:" "Youmissedastep  in that process." "JIMMY:" "Oh,no ,it 'sjustpee ." "Look." "GRETCHEN:" "You-yousittopee?" "JIMMY:" "Yeah,Isit whenever" "I can." "I love sitting." "Sitting's definitely in my top five favorite activities." "GRETCHEN:" "Whatarethe  others?" "JIMMY:" "Eatingthings." "Shutting stupid people down verbally." "Bubble baths." "Masturbating." "GRETCHEN:" "Where'ssex?" "JIMMY:" "Eighthprobably." "GRETCHEN:" "Whataboutsex  with me?" "JIMMY:" "Seventh,maybesixth." "Yeah, no, sex with you, then sleeping." "Unless I have a flying dream." "Then you're seventh." "(clears throat)" "GRETCHEN:" "What'syourday  like?" "JIMMY:" "Oh,youknow,tedious interactions with awful people." "GRETCHEN:" "Weird." "Mine,too ." "When are you gonna be home?" "My clothes from last night are still in your dryer." "JIMMY:" "Onthelateside ." "GRETCHEN:" "Wantto givemea  key so I can get in?" "Jimmy?" "You using the hand thingy?" "JIMMY:" "Edgarcanlet you in." "GRETCHEN:" "Yeah,butincase  he's not home." "Hey..." "Hey!" "I-I just meant a key to get my stuff;" "I didn't mean a key like..." "like that." "JIMMY:" "Okay." "GRETCHEN:" "I didn't." "JIMMY:" "Okay." "GRETCHEN:" "Okay." "Good." "But, I mean..." "JIMMY:" "God'ssake!" "(huffs)" "GRETCHEN:" "Seriously,whatif" "I had-- would that be any reason to shit yourself?" "JIMMY:" "Yes." "GRETCHEN:" "We'vespentthe  last five, six nights in a row together?" "JIMMY:' Causeyoufallasleep after sex!" "You're like a fat guy in an" "American sitcom." "GRETCHEN:" "It'sakey ." "It's a way to get in." "JIMMY:" "No,it 'snot." "It's... it's my freedom melted down into a metal totem." "It means that there are rights granted and designations... designated." "GRETCHEN:" "No,it doesn't." "It's a..." "Oh, my God, you're right." "JIMMY:" "I am?" "GRETCHEN:" "I muststillbe hungover." "Thanks for calling me out." "Momentary lapse of sanity." "Jesus." "JIMMY:" "Right,so ,uh ...are we gonna hang out later or...?" "GRETCHEN:" "I actuallyhave plans." "JIMMY:" "Okay." "GRETCHEN:" "Well,as my grandma used to say, "It's only a walk of shame if you're capable of feeling shame."" "See you later." "Thanks for doing all the sex stuff on me." "(whistling)" "EDGAR:" "That'safrittata." "JIMMY:" "Mm-hmm." "EDGAR:" "It'san egg-based dish similar to an omelet." "JIMMY:" "I knowwhatafrittata is." "EDGAR:" "Thisonehas leeksand goat cheese." "I saw the recipe on Rachael Ray." "JIMMY:" "You'renotsupposedto watch her." "The doctor said that your obsession with her is unhealthy." "EDGAR:" "I know,butevery minute that I'm watching her," "I'm not doing heroin." "Except sometimes I'm also doing heroin." "JIMMY:" "Youknow,she asked for a key." "EDGAR:" "Who?" "JIMMY:" "RachaelRay." "Who do you think?" "EDGAR:" "RachaelRaycouldhave  a key." "JIMMY:" "Canyoubelieveshe would do that?" "EDGAR:" "Well,Imean,keys  open doors." "JIMMY:" "It'snotakey." "It's a symbol." "EDGAR:" "Ofwhat?" "JIMMY:" "Oftheunceasing, inexorable march of everything towards predictability, blandness and mediocrity." "It's the Rachael Raying of the world." "EDGAR:" "A cozyworldfullof home-cooked meals and graceful weight fluctuation?" "I'd live in that world." "JIMMY:" "I honestlycannotsit  there and pretend not to be horrified by things as unthought-out and unspecial as" ""Can I have a key," ruled by nothing more interesting than animal instinct to the point that I might as well be sleeping with a migratory bird or a leatherback sea turtle." "EDGAR:" "I 'mgonnaeatyour frittata." "JIMMY:" CanI haveakey ?"" "I'll tell you what..." "How can you see this shit happening and just smile and be okay with it?" "How do you look at the person you're with and not just know that there's another person inside who's boring and lame and will eventually ask for emotional support and to shop together for decorative sconces at Williams-Sonoma." "How can you just ignore that shit?" "EDGAR:" "I don'tknow." "Because you like them, I guess." "JIMMY:" "Yeah,well..." "I don't know how to do that, so..." "EDGAR:" "Well,it makessense she'd be emotional today." "JIMMY:" "I swear,if you're charting her menstrual cycle..." "EDGAR:" "It'sherbirthday." "JIMMY:" "Itis ?" "EDGAR:" "Mm-hmm." "JIMMY:" "Whydidn'tshe tell me?" "(cell phone buzzing)" "Oh, it's Gretchen's." "I better bring it to her." "EDGAR:" "Handit over." "JIMMY:" "What?" "I'm not gonna snoop." "I'm not!" "Aw..." "Aw, this is stupid." "Y-You are stupid." "I'm living with the stupidest person in America." "Me, the smartest, and you, the stupidest, living together." "You seriously think I'm not strong enough to break through what-- ten staples?" "EDGAR:" "Haveagooddayat school." "GRETCHEN:" "You'vegottobe kidding me." "You're doing a juice cleanse?" "You disgusting cliché." "You're going to embarrass me at my diner." "LINDSAY:" "Don'tcare." "Day five." "Gretch, you can't imagine the high." "GRETCHEN:" "Mmm,betIcan." "LINDSAY:" "No,youcan 't." "GRETCHEN:" "Rememberthetime you and Chingy snorted K off my vag?" "LINDSAY:" "Aw...yeah." "This one is almond, flaxseed and something called "whey runoff."" "GRETCHEN:" "Mmm." "Mmm." "Mmm." "LINDSAY:" "Youdon'tunderstand how skinny the wives at Paul's firm are, Gretch." "I can't compete." "GRETCHEN:" "So,don'ttry ." "Those Westside women are all overly-tanned garbage monsters with fake tits." "Hip bones jutting out of their" "Lululemons." "LINDSAY:" "That'sexactlywhat they are." "GRETCHEN:" "Soscrew'em ." "Screw 'em, divorce Paul, start eating food, move back to the" "East Side, become goddamn interesting again." "LINDSAY:" "Wow." "If it wasn't your birthday, I'd be really hurt." "GRETCHEN:" "Sorry." "This Jimmy thing has me all freaked out." "LINDSAY:" "I warnedyouabout him." "I bet you guys talk about me all the time, huh?" "How much it bugs me." "GRETCHEN:" "Nope." "LINDSAY:" "Ew!" "Youguys probably, like, talk about me during sex even." "You guys are weird." "GRETCHEN:" "I didn'tmeanthe  key thing like he took it." "I don't think I did." "We're having fun." "That's enough." "LINDSAY:" "Itbetterbe." "He is a bad person." "GRETCHEN:" "I 'ma badperson." "LINDSAY:" "Ooh,areyou still seeing Mr. Fancy Director Guy?" "GRETCHEN:" "It'scomplicated." "LINDSAY:" "Yourlifeissofun and complicated!" "My life used to be fun and complicated." "GRETCHEN:" "Andnowyou 're married to a banker." "LINDSAY:" "Paulis actually" "VP..." "GRETCHEN:" "Oh." "LINDSAY:...ofWealth" "Management and Investment" "Strategies." "(Gretchen snores)" "Idiot." "GRETCHEN:" "What?" "BRIANNA:" "Thereyouare ." "I'm sorry, Gretchen." "Uh, your phone keeps going to voice mail." "GRETCHEN:" "Oh,Ileftit somewhere." "What's up?" "BRIANNA:" "It'sSam." "He did an interview." "GRETCHEN:" "Withoutconsulting me?" "Who with?" "BRIANNA:" "A collegepaper." "GRETCHEN:" "Oh." "And?" "BRIANNA:" "Heusedthe word" ""gay" and "faggot" 37 times." "GRETCHEN:" "Asin "faggotisa  really terrible word, and gay people are the best"?" "BRIANNA:" "Thereporteristhe president of the Gay and Lesbian student union, and he's threatening to go to the Times." "LINDSAY:" "Go." "Breakfast is on me." "Happy birthday." "GRETCHEN:" "Nicetry." "You still have to buy me a present... cheapskate." "LINDSAY:" "Mmm." "(engine revving)" "(opera plays on stereo)" "(phone chimes)" "(phone buzzes, phone chimes)" "(buzzing)" "(man singing opera in Italian on stereo)" "(Jimmy sings along in Italian)" "(phone chimes)" "(Jimmy sings along)" "JIMMY:¶ La-la-la,la-la-la, la, la... ¶" "(grunting)" "Oh, come on!" "(phone buzzes)" "(phone buzzes)" "(phone buzzes)" "(phone chimes)" "JIMMY:" "WhothehellisTy ?" "!" "SAM:" "I stoleyouacard from" "CVS, but I lost it on the way over here." "GRETCHEN:" "Thisis serious," "Sam." "SAM:" "Inside,it said,"You're not just getting older." "You're also getting less attractive."" "GRETCHEN:" "Youcan'tbribeme with flowers." "HONEYNUTZ:" "It 'sajoke, because you're so young and beautiful and shit." "GRETCHEN:" "Whatwereyou  thinking, doing an interview without me there?" "To quote you, "I get nervous at these shits."" "SAM:" "Wewereskatingand messing with college girls, and this skinny fool comes up and says, can he ask some questions." "GRETCHEN:" "Wereyouhigh?" "SAM:" "Itwas10: 00inthe morning." "Of course I was high." "GRETCHEN:" "Andthewholetime , you did not notice he was gay?" "Presumptively." "SAM:" "Yeah,Imean,dude was hella fruity, but so what?" "My generation-- we don't act different around different people, frontin' fake personalities." "We cool with everybody." "Except Shitstain." "He don't like Koreans." "SHITSTAIN:' Causeoftheir manipulative currency devaluation." "And they eyes." "GRETCHEN:" "Youcalledthe head of the LGBT student union a" ""faggot."" "SAM:" "So?" "Icallmypopsthat all the time." "GRETCHEN:" "Isyourdad gay ?" "SAM:" "No." "He 'sjustafaggot." "GRETCHEN:" "Well,nowIhave to go down there and deal with this." "SAM:" "Anddo yourjob ?" "Oh, no, Gretchen." "GRETCHEN:" "Fromnowon, when you receive an interview request, spontaneous or otherwise, what are you gonna do?" "HONEYNUTZ:" "Politelydirect 'em to your office?" "GRETCHEN:" "Damnstraight." "Listen to Honey Nutz." "(Sam sighs)" "JIMMY:" "Damnit ." "GRETCHEN:" "Hey." "JIMMY:" "Hey." "Uh, I brought your phone." "GRETCHEN:" "Oh." "Awesome." "Thanks." "(Jimmy sputters, sighs)" "JIMMY:" "Beep,beep." "(clears throat)" "Oh, you got flowers." "GRETCHEN:" "Oh." "Yeah." "JIMMY:" "Buythemyourself or...?" "GRETCHEN:" "No." "JIMMY:" "Ah." "Special occasion of some sort?" "GRETCHEN:" "Peoplesendme flowers sometimes, Jimmy." "They want to see me happy." "People like me." "JIMMY:" "Oh,Iknowthat ." "Of course I know that." "So, what are you doing later?" "GRETCHEN:" "I haveplans." "JIMMY:" "Fine!" "Bye." "(clears throat, sniffles)" "SAM:" "Hey,canIgetoneof  those?" "JIMMY:" "Thesearepretty expensive." "SAM:" "Don'tbe an asshole." "JIMMY:" "Fine." "SAM:" "You'reboningmy publicist, right?" "JIMMY:" "Usedto be ." "SAM:" "Yeah,IGoogledyour  ass." "I liked your book." "JIMMY:" "Really?" "Thank you." "What did you like about it?" "SAM:" "Obviously,Ithoughtit was, like, boring as shit." "And clearly, you used to jack off to Hemingway in high school, but the prose was good." "JIMMY:" "Thankyou." "Enjoy your smoke." "SAM:" "Why'dyouusedtobe  boning her?" "JIMMY:" "I don'tknow." "We were never a real thing." "SAM:" "Howcome?" "All I know is, I don't let nobody talk to me the way" "Gretch does." "JIMMY:" "Yeah,me ,neither." "SAM:" "Figureshemustbe pretty dope if we both let her do that." "(Jimmy sighs)" "JIMMY:" "Areyougoingback in?" "SAM:" "Yeah." "JIMMY:" "Giveherthisforme." "Hey, do you know someone named Ty?" "DARREN:" "ThenIwas like," ""Girl, fix your weave."" "GRETCHEN:" "DarrenKaplan?" "DARREN:" "Yeah?" "GRETCHEN:" "I wantedto talkto you about Sam Halton." "Maker's, rocks." "DARREN:" "Whenyouwentinto" "PR, were you aware that you'd become an instant cliché?" "GRETCHEN:" "Snottygayreporter is better?" "(guys chuckle)" "DARREN:" "Shoo." "What do you want?" "GRETCHEN:" "I justwanttomake  sure my client's words aren't taken out of context." "DARREN:" "Don'tworry." "I'll provide lots of context." "GRETCHEN:" "He'samoron." "He's not even old enough to drink." "His opinions aren't fully formed." "DARREN:" "We'reon thedawnof a revolution." "You wouldn't run around saying the "N" word, but people feel free to say "fag" whenever they want." "GRETCHEN:" "Hesaysthe" ""N" word all the time, too." "He called wheatgrass the" ""N" word yesterday." "He was like, "Mmm, this 'N' word is... hella good for digestion."" "DARREN:" "Yougotanything else?" "GRETCHEN:" "No." "It's my birthday." "I didn't really prepare." "This is the point where I would normally try flirting with you." "Okay, I tried." "DARREN:" "Wait,that'sit?" "GRETCHEN:" "Look,Ilovemy client like the black son I aborted in high school, but maybe you're right." "Banning words is always the misguided byproduct of good social movements." "So, maybe his career is worth the sacrifice." "DARREN:" "I heardCaliberhad  a big hush budget." "GRETCHEN:" "I cangiveyou  two grand-- that's it." "DARREN:" "Andhe hastocome  give me another interview." "GRETCHEN:" "Done." "DARREN:" "Happybirthday." "GRETCHEN:" "Thanks." "Congrats on choosing a dying profession." "JIMMY:" "Shecandowhatever she wants." "Just go home." "Or go in there and ruin her date." "Yep." "LINDSAY:" "Oh!" "Farts." "JIMMY:" "Sorry." "Lindsay, what..." "BECCA:" "I 'msaying,like,you  can tell, like, she just stuffed it into a bag." "You know what I mean?" "It's so sad." "LINDSAY:" "Hey,Jimmy,how 's it going?" "PAUL:" "Here,honey,oh." "LINDSAY:" "Just..." "PAUL:" "Hey,Jimmy." "Nice to see you." "JIMMY:" "Doyouworkhere ?" "Can I get a double whiskey, neat?" "PAUL:" "Jimmy,it 'sPaul," "Lindsay's husband?" "We vacationed in Saint Lucia together." "Twice." "LINDSAY:" "Justgethim the  whiskey, Paul." "Go." "I lost eight pounds since you saw me last." "Can you tell?" "JIMMY:" "No." "GRETCHEN:" "So,thisiscreepy." "JIMMY:" "I know." "How could you not invite me to your birthday drinks?" "GRETCHEN:" "I meanyoujust showing up." "JIMMY:" "Oh,Ithoughtyouwere on a date." "GRETCHEN:" "Howis thatbetter?" "Why'd you think I was on a date?" "JIMMY:" "Well,atextcame  through on your phone." "GRETCHEN:" "Yousnooped?" "JIMMY:" "No,I..." "Icouldn't figure out your password, so..." "GRETCHEN:" "Whatarewedoing," "Jimmy?" "TY:" "Happybirthday,you ." "It's from a winery in La Cañada" "I'm a partial investor of." "JIMMY:" "Oh,wherethe 2meets the 210." "Yeah, they say it's our" "Rhône Valley." "GRETCHEN:" "Thanks,Ty ." "TY:" "Uh,Gretchen,thisis" "Element." "GRETCHEN:" "LMN?" "ELEMENT:" "Element." "Like oxygen, hydrogen." "JIMMY:" "Arsenic,radon." "TY:" "TyWyland." "JIMMY:" "Sorry,Twinewhat?" "TY:" "TyWyland." "JIMMY( whispering):" "I don't understand what he's saying." "GRETCHEN:" "Uh,grabyourselves drinks." "We're right over there." "TY:" "Weactuallycan 'tstay." "Uh, we have a fund-raiser for this very promising Guatemalan reform candidate." "JIMMY:" "Ooh,heavilyinto" "Central American politics, are you, Element?" "TY:" "Well." "Happy birthday, again." "(whispers):" "I need to see you." "Soon." "Nice to see you guys." "Okay." "JIMMY:" "Sothat'swhy you  didn't invite me." "GRETCHEN:" "Also,Iwantedto spare you Becca and Vernon." "VERNON:" "Homeslice!" "Get your balls over here." "What?" "It's Jimmy." "JIMMY:" "Youcouldhavejust  told me it was your birthday and you were hanging with... friends." "I wouldn't have come." "GRETCHEN:" "It'snotmyfault my birthday came two weeks after we started... whatever we're doing." "JIMMY:" "Youthoughthewas coming alone." "GRETCHEN:" "I didn'task for any of this to happen, in this order." "JIMMY:" "Youdidn'tdoanything wrong." "Okay?" "Look, I'm gonna go, okay?" "GRETCHEN:" "No,stay." "JIMMY:" "What,nowthathe's  gone?" "GRETCHEN:" "Don'tbe adick." "JIMMY:" "Fine." "But if I'm in danger of getting into conversation with anyone really annoying, just kick me under the table." "GRETCHEN:" "Deal." "Hey, guys." "This is Jimmy." "He's a... guy I'm sleeping with." "LINDSAY:" "Jimmy." "Sit next to me." "Paul, can you get me a backup drink?" "Go." "EDGAR:" "Sheaskedmenotto tell you." "JIMMY:" "You'renotmyfriend anymore." "EDGAR:" "CanIstilllive with  you rent-free?" "JIMMY:" "I guessso ,yeah." "EDGAR:" "Itwasgoodtosee you." "JIMMY:" "Um...hey,guys." "VERNON:" "Nicepull." "Bec didn't tell me you were hitting that." "BECCA:" "BecauseIhad noidea ." "VERNON:" "Jimmy,yougot tosee this photo my colorectal guy just texted." "It's sick." "JIMMY:" "No." "Aw!" "BECCA:" "Just..." "VERNON:" "Yourloss." "I'm getting us Jãgerbombsters." "BECCA:" "Ugh." "VERNON:" "Jãgerbombsters!" "BECCA:" "Didit evenoccurto you to tell me that you're sleeping with Gretchen?" "JIMMY:" "No." "BECCA:" "YouandGretchenare poison people." "This is going to end so badly." "JIMMY:" "I know,right?" "(laughs, sighs)" "GRETCHEN:" "I 'mgladyoucame tonight." "JIMMY:" "Stop." "GRETCHEN:" "Toughshit." "I am." "You are growing on me," "Jimmy..." "Stupid-Three-Names." "JIMMY:" "You'redrunk." "Thanks." "Ditto." "There is no way that that model is as good in bed as you are." "GRETCHEN:" "I know,right?" "Okay, that's weird." "Sorry about the key thing." "JIMMY:" "Oh,yeah,speakingof which, I should probably take back the one I gave Sam." "That was my main key." "GRETCHEN:" "YougaveSam akey?" "JIMMY:" "Togivetoyou, yeah ." "GRETCHEN:" "Wait,so youwanted me to have a key?" "JIMMY:" "No,Ijustdidn 'twant  you to be mad at me." "GRETCHEN:" "I 'mnot." "I'm just embarrassed for asking." "JIMMY:" "Okay,good." "Wait, he never gave you the key?" "GRETCHEN:" "No." "(rattles door handle)" "SAM:" "Oh,shit." "Hey, guys." "JIMMY:" "Whatthehellare you doing?" "SAM:" "Sorry." "We needed a place." "GRETCHEN:" "Forwhat?" "DARREN:" "Hey." "GRETCHEN:" "You'regay?" "SAM:" "No...butthisnigga sucks really good dick." "access.wgbh.org" "Chicken, chicken leg" "¶ Hey, chicken leg" "Chicken, chicken leg, uh-huh" "¶ Chicken leg" "Chicken, chicken leg" "¶ You lookin' like a" "Popeye's biscuit" "¶ And I can be your butter" "And treat you like no other" "¶ I see that every single thing" "I utter makes you stutter" "¶ 'Cause it's utterly ridiculous" "First there was a dance-off" "¶ Turning this gymnasium into a dance hall" "¶ She make me wanna get a job" "She make me wanna get a job" "¶ She make me wanna get a nine-to-five" "¶ Girl, you so fine, make me wanna get a nine-to-five. ¶"