"Please give a big hand for our 10 finalists in the contest to become the 'Gift for Him' ambassador." "The winner will retain his crown and title for one year and will spread the word about 'Gift for Him' products to our male customers." "Please give a big hand for these guys!" "Our judges will deliberate and deliver their decision very soon." "With all these pretty faces, I'm sure the decision won't be an easy one." "From 'Madame Figaro' magazine." " Your press kit." " Thank you." "From 'Maxim'." "Look at the fancy dress." "From 'Lady of the House'." "Pardon?" "I'm from 'Lady of the House' magazine." "Sign in, please." "Thank you." "Miss Pom!" "Miss 'Lady of the House'!" "Miss 'Lady of the House'!" "Miss 'Lady of the House'!" "Off, you, afro brat!" "I'm right here, there's no need to shout." "You're here just to freeload or what?" "Hurry." "Put that down, let's get to work." "Here are our next contestants." "Excuse me." "Off, will they be disqualified for wearing jeans above their belly buttons?" "This is super-cool." "Or do you prefer them in your grandfather's pants?" "That guy with the wet look should be in Miss Teen Thailand contest." "Look at those red lips." "Don't you fancy the Korean look?" "Off, look... it's Maprang and Dr. Adisorn." "Get a shot of them together for the society page." "Make sure your can see his purple shirt." "That's old news, sis." "I did that ages ago." "Oh, I beg your pardon, sir... you smart-ass wild-haired brat." "I'm at a fashion show, what's up?" "Go grab a bite?" "I'm free this evening." "Yes, that place is Madam Fai's favorite." "All right." "See you then." "Bye." "Without your help it'd be a real mess." "Thanks a lot." "You're welcome." "What's this now?" "Want some?" "Not now." "I need to puke." "Hi Pang." "What's up?" "This evening?" "I'm afraid not." "I've already got an appointment with Ken-jang." "Hang on a sec, Ken-jang's on the other line." "Hello darling." "What?" "You have a meeting..." "That's all right." "Ken-jang, hold the line a sec." "Hi Pang, I can make it this evening after all." "Hello darling." "Sweetie, what is it?" "I can't hear you." "What're you saying, darling?" "Hold on, I'm paying the motorcycle guy." "Mme, your boyfriend said 'I love you'... can't you hear it?" "I could hear it through my helmet." "You should've told me earlier." "The helmet please." "I got that darling." "I love you too." "Got to hang up." "Thanks a lot." "Pat, your order hasn't arrived." "Activate the Force!" "Paul, Peak..." "you cannot activate the force in the house." "Sopa, pass me the phone." "Sopa, pass me the phone." "If the ringing stops before I get that phone I'm taking 3 baht off your salary to return the call." "Here it is." "Hello, Fai speaking." "Hi Pang, what's up?" "A new fortune-teller?" "This evening?" "Yes, I'm free." "I'll ask Sopa to babysit the boys until my husband comes home." "See you this evening." "Mme, I'll need cab fare home tonight." "I'll miss the last bus if I have to stay late." "Are you kidding me, Sopa?" "I'll only reimburse you for motorcycle taxi fare." "I can't, Mme!" "I'm scared of those motorcycle guys." "They always wolf-whistle when I walk past." "Why?" "Did they say anything to you?" "Last time, they shouted at me 'Where're you going, baby?" "'" "Sopa, they're not after your divine body." "They just say that because they want you as a customer." "Men's Health Center" "We don't recommend this drug to patients with heart disease or to those with hypertension." "Not hard enough?" "It goes up, then down, up, then down?" "Well, you can't overlook the benefit of foreplay." "If you take the pill and then watch Animal Planet, it'll surely go soft." "I suggest that you read the instructions on the package and try working out regularly." "Squeeze and hold it." "Your joystick will be as rock-hard as a horny baboon's." "Nim, we're only supposed to give medical advice... not phone sex." "Hi Pang." "This evening?" "Sure." "The whole gang's coming?" "Great, I have a gift for Pom too." "Got to dash." "Sorry, it's an emergency." "Rush order." "Aunt Nual needs it urgently." "Aunt Nual, here it is." "What're you ordering?" "Go ahead and order." "You've got a new crush, haven't you?" "Not new-it's three months late." "Late?" "You got knocked up?" "You're crazy!" "I'm sure he's the one." "Easy, girls." "How could this be?" "We haven't even met him." "Are you ready to order?" "Shall we order?" "You like bean curd, don't you?" "Don't change the subject." "How could you've hidden this from us for 3 months?" "Don't change the topic." "Pom." "What?" "Did you curl your eyelashes?" "She's such a Cosmo girl." "She must've vamped herself up for those boys at the fashion show." "Were you at the show when I called?" "Yes." "So, you got to see young studs in hot action?" "Yeah, so hot I could feel the sweat when they were necking with each other." "Order Now!" "Will you please order, Mme?" "Pig's guts." "Spiced minced pork." "Hong Kong boiled beef." "Rainbow fish." "Golden fishballs." "Fresh mushrooms." "Fish-stuffed bean curd." "Lettuce in oyster sauce." "Creme Brulee." "What's that?" "This is a hot pot." "I didn't notice..." "Excuse me, your order is here." "Look, a fine catch at 12 o'clock." "His face is as radiant as a full moon..." "too full." "Kong, over here." "Thanks." "These are my friends." "Madam Fai." "Nim, Pat and Pom." "This is Kong." "Pom, Kong was the production designer for today's fashion show." "Yes." "I see." "Kong, do you eat beef?" "This pot is for beef-eaters." "If not, dip into that one." "Any pot's fine with me." "I can do both pots." "Both pots?" "This sounds dangerous, Pang." "Girls, watch his move." "Do it like this so the yolk won't curdle and your tongue can enjoy its smooth taste to the fullest." "Put the seaweed in the yolk so it doesn't crumble." "Chillies, garlic and lime aren't just for spicing the dip." "The veggies should go in last so they won't shrivel." "I'm stuffed." "We forgot to order the rice custard." "Are you girls going to the Estee Lauder sales tomorrow?" "Pat, how come you missed the news?" "So, you're a shopaholic, too." "Kong's a die-hard shopping maniac." "You name it, Chatuchak, TG headquarters, Prasarnmitr Lalaisap - he's been to them all." "Kong, did you bring Pom's gift?" "What's this?" "Open it." "A diamond ring maybe?" "It's lovely." "Thanks Pang." "You like it?" "Kong picked it out himself." "If it's not to your taste, I wouldn't mind having it for myself." "I'm not saying that." "It's a clip-on, let Pom have it." "Pom's hole is clogged." "Madam Fai's hole is clogged too." "Sure, her guy's asleep by eight every night." "Pom, I have a gift for you too." "I won't let Pang take all the credit." "Why isn't there's a gift for me?" "You can have it." "It's the world's most amazing joystick." "A vibrator won't do it for me anymore." "Pat, you take it." "Which one of you ladies ordered the vanilla scoop with a cherry?" "That's for me." "Kong loves cherries." "Madam, you haven't chipped in for your share of the hot pot." "You still owe my salon 50 baht for today's service." "I never mentioned it." "Next Friday let's go to a food court so each of us can pay for our own dishes." "The hair won't stink that way either." "Oh, not next Friday." "I'll be on vacation." "You can't have fun without me." "A meditation trip again?" "So Ken-jang is a free boy?" "You've got to give him some space." "Pom, not every man is the untrustworthy street dog you like to think." "Don't be so sure." "Your hubby is a tiger out of his cage when you're not around." "I can't wait to see him roar." "Easy, easy." "Nim, come on, hop on the bed." "What?" "I'm not that kind of girl" "I'm not a hussy." "What's this Pom." "You left a towel here." "What did you think of Pang's boyfriend?" "Not bad." "Good-looking, sophisticated, and a better fashion sense than the average Thai guy." "Still, I have a hunch that this guy isn't a safe bet." "I saw him canoodling with another man at the fashion show I went to cover the other day." "Maybe there were talking about work." "Pang said he works for the event organizer." "What about the mushroom thing?" "What mushroom thing?" "About the mushroom having to go into the pot three minutes before the morning glory." "Did you know that?" "Did you?" "See, we're women and we haven't a clue." "And his shopping binge?" "What kind of man shops at street markets?" "Your husband does that?" "See." "Watch your mouth, he bought you the earrings." "But I think Pom has a point." "Men have weird tendencies these days." "Once upon a time you'd only see one ladyboy after walking past 20 lampposts." "Now you walk past just one and see 20." "I don't think Kong is a sissy." "Maybe he's just gay." "His clothes and hairstyle are the carbon copy of a magazine photo." "Haven't you heard of the term 'Metrosexual'?" "Brad Pitt, Beckham, get it?" "Some guys just like stylish clothes." "That doesn't mean they play for the other team." "There are plenty of men like that in Japan." "Ken-jang is one of them." "Speak of the devil." "Ken-jang." "Irrashai mase." "Metrosexual my foot." "I wouldn't see the difference between this guy and Beckham." "Hello Ken-jang." "Fai, have you seen the remote?" "Can it have walked over here by itself?" "Ken-jang." "Yes." "Are you bored?" "Would you like to have your hair highlighted?" "Half-price for you." "Only 300 baht." "She's stingy, 150 baht would do." "He only has half a head to cover." "That's rude." "Stop calling him a baldie." "He is not a baldie." "Dad, the remote was under grandpa's ass." "Grandpa?" "Your dad is so cute." "He's here to look after his grown-up daughter." "He must be very protective of you." "Good-bye, Auntie." "Hello darling." "What did she say to you?" "She said we're a perfect match." "What?" "Matched." "You know, we're perfectly matched." "Roast chicken... papaya salad!" "Arigato." "How did you manage to order?" "What did you tell them?" "What about the papaya salad?" "You're so smart, Arigato Ken-jang." "What's wrong with this photo?" "Chamaipon." "Come take a look at this photo." "What's the problem, Aunt Pensri?" "Let me see." "Can you please take a look?" "Let me try it with the glasses" "Sure." "Off?" "Off... why is this picture so blurred?" "Blurred?" "It's not blurred, Auntie." "I took it this way to convey the realm of dreams and the profound imagination of the subject." "You just messed it up and now you're making some smart-ass excuse." "Look at this mess." "What is it in the picture?" "It's called the avant-garde style." "No, it's called the awful-garbage style." "Dr Adisorn was there too?" "Shall we approach him to appear in our 'Sweet Couple' column?" "Are you sure?" "You're just jealous of people in love." "You mouth is only made for eating." "You should take care of the 'Boring Couple' column instead." "Aunt Pensri, Aunt Chamaipon, and Afro-boy I'll say it only once:" "This Dr. Adisorn is gay." "Got that?" "He's a closet case." "And all these models-they're all gay." "The whole bunch!" "Aunt Pensri, can you see the hair?" "Can you see it?" "Chamaipon, watch your language." "We're in the literary circle." "What hair are you talking about?" "But I really see the hair." "You see the hair... but I see the crack." "Look here, that's quite a crack!" "It is indeed." "This is a shade too deep, Pang." "You should try the earth tone, it'll suit your complexion." "And it's so in-trend." "All done." "Thank you." "Thanks." "Would you like to try our new product?" "An eye cream for men." "No thanks." "I already have it." "Kong, I didn't know you use cosmetics." "I'm a nocturnal person." "Without facial cream I'd have panda eyes, right dear?" "You're crazy." "What's up Nim?" "Really?" "Is this Kong gay, or just a sex maniac?" "I have to hang up." "Any problem?" "Excuse me, these Japanese string beans are on sale today." "But they're not free samples." "Sorry." "They taste really nice." "I know." "That guy's having some too." "Nim, you're here by yourself as usual." "Don't you feel lonely?" "Would you like to join us for dinner?" "I'm so bored always having to have romantic dinners with Joe." "Excuse me, do you have this in D-cup?" "This is the last one in stock." "Is this for you?" "If you're looking for bras I suggest you take a look over there." "This one is not your style." "Here you are." "Thanks." "Is it nice, Joe?" "Can you please help?" "My friend would like to buy this, but two sizes bigger." "Get one and give it to her." "She's waiting over there." "I'm really sorry but size 44 is the biggest we have in stock." "What's this?" "You got the wrong person." "No, it's not for me..." "I'm done." "Fancy trying this one?" "You're cheeky." "Ok, I'll try it." "No need." "Just buy it." "I'm just kidding." "Got any souvenirs for me?" "She didn't go on vacation, how could you expect a souvenir?" "At least spare some of your good deeds for my soul." "Over there, your souvenir." "Or you could have a donation request from the temple instead." "So, what's up?" "You shouldn't have asked me to come out today." "I wanted to go out with Ken-jang." "How could hanging out with baldie be more fun than gossiping with us?" "Madam, the Japanese are world-renowned for being kinky." "Ken-jang might have handcuffs, whips and candles under his bed!" "Idiot." "Whips and handcuffs?" "What Ken-jang needs is a walking stick." "That's right." "Mum, Aunt Tik called to order 200 more sweets." "They'll pick them up this afternoon." "Yes, should I bring the stuff over here." "I'm kidding." "I'll catch you later." "Pang, you can tell me about it." "Shoot." "It's about Kong right?" "Honestly, when did you first meet?" "Why did it all happen so quickly?" "Quickly?" "His mum and mine have been friends forever." "I've seen him since he was little." "It's better seeing 'him' when he's grown up." "Stupid." "I mean, Kong's not a young man." "Are you sure he doesn't have a wife hidden somewhere?" "A wife is ok." "I'm afraid he's got a husband." "Not a chance." "He had a girlfriend, but they broke up ages ago." "Make sure it's really over." "How?" "His cell phone, of course." "Call logs and incoming SMS, you've got to check them all." "That's private stuff." "I don't want to pry." "Madam Fai would." "Anything acquired after a marriage is a matrimonial asset." "I have the right to half of everything." "It'd only upset you to snoop around his cell phone." "Look who's talking?" "If she could read Japanese I bet she'd read his phone messages." "Hi Kong." "It's Kong." "Yes, sweetie." "Anywhere's fine." "I'm game for everything." "A hotel?" "Isn't it a bit boring?" "Everybody does it at a hotel." "Didn't she say 'hotel'?" "A park sounds better, it's more exciting." "Not many people do it in a park." "She wants to do it in a park!" "Is she nuts?" "The sprinkler always goes off at the wrong moment." "It serves you right for eavesdropping." "And what's so wrong with having a wedding in a park?" "When's the big day?" "At the end of the year." "I see." "That's just two months away." "The engagement party is three weeks from now at my house." "You'd better visit your dressmakers." "Why is it so sudden?" "Madam, every fortune teller gives me the same warning." "If I miss my chance now, another one won't come along until I'm 40." "That's not too long to wait." "But will there ever be a man who remembers my favorite color my favorite dish, my favorite book my favorite author and ice-cream flavor." "How many times a woman can be this lucky?" "You're right." "Dry yourselves and come have some black beans pudding." "Yes Mom." "Aunt Suchada, just leave it alone." "I'll take care of it." "Make sure you get a nice shot of the big, black beans." "You bet." "What?" "Today?" "Ok." "I'll see you." "Want some." "Aunt Suchada made it." "No, I'm not into black beans." "Come on, it won't make you any blacker than you are." "Watch it, I'm your senior." "Are you leaving?" "Office hours aren't over yet." "I know, I'm going for an assignment." "Wait up." "Let me go get my things." "Where are you going?" "If you're on assignment, I'll have to go along to take photos." "Have you finished taking the black bean shots, Aunt Suchada?" "Just a bowl of black beans won't take me the whole day." "Off, I can't see the black beans." "The spoon is too big." "Come here and take a few more shots." "Yes." "What time is his flight supposed to land?" "I told Aunt Nual I'll hurry back after the ordination ceremony." "He's coming real soon." "At your 10 o'clock." "A real macho!" "Turn around slowly." "Hi." "This is my friend Nim." "Nim, this is Big Brother Bee." "Hi Big Brother Bee." "Nice to meet you." "You haven't changed a bit." "She's the original black narcissus." "And they still haven't retired the senior flight attendants?" "Do you still want my help?" "My legs are killing me." "Let's go sit down." "Let's go." "Which species does your Bee belong to?" "Man, woman and everything in between." "Bee was a high-school hunk." "Pang had a huge crush on him." "He was so popular he was voted a head of the class in Grade 8." "But when he was in Grade 9, well..." "You girls have my sympathy." "You can't always detect them straight away." "Don't make that womb-twisting face." "I'll give you a crash course on how to spot a queen." "See those stallions?" "There must be at least one Little Mermaid among them." "Let's see if you can spot her." "The one with the wiggly finger." "That's ancient." "That technique doesn't work anymore." "Your turn." "The one who's fiddling with his earring." "Only gays wear earrings in their left ears." "Another old-school trick." "If he has a hole, either left or right, he could be one." "You must catch them on the fly." "Be careful, there's gum on the floor." "See, that's our mermaid." "You take this checklist and examine him for the following symptoms." "When the doctor returns next time he'll diagnose the Sissy Syndrome." "These closet cases can't escape my gay-dar." "Probe his ancestral line and see if there's gay DNA in the family." "Morning." "Nim, someone's here to see you." "Hi Auntie." "Hello, Nim." "Was it hard to find?" "Actually I can drop by Pang's house to pick it up." "Where's the guy who wants to taste my sweets?" "Wait here a second." "Yes." "What's this book about?" "Oh, it's a Yoga manual for two practitioners." "I see." "Yes." "Pang's boyfriend is so nice." "He's the son of your friend, isn't he?" "Yes, Wilai raised her boy really well." "That's why Kong didn't turn out gay." "Lots of weird stuff around here." "What's this?" "It looks rather strange." "Well, it's a massage stick." "Oh, and it vibrates." "Gives me a good buzz, fits in my palm too." "Can you buy one for me?" "Well, can you tell me more about Kong's family?" "They live in a shophouse." "His mother runs a roast duck eatery." "Their duck has such mouth-wateringly crispy skin." "It's in Thong Lo." "Ask Pang to take you there." "Just a sec." "Hello." "What?" "You're missing your legs?" "Why call me?" "Call the hospital." "Just joking." "Ok, deal the cards right away." "I'll play two legs." "Be there in five." "I have to go dear." "You're going?" "An emergency call from my friends." "Bye." "A bug bit me right here." "Here too." "Should we trust Nim?" "She didn't even get the name of the shop." "Useless." "She should've fished out more information." "At least we know it's a roast duck shop run by a domineering wife and a hen-pecked husband." "How many could there be?" "You hag, move your ass." "Are you gonna eat here or not?" "This one is not so hen-pecked, is he?" "Let's go before we're butchered." "Andrew, duck-rice for table 4." "Table one has asked for a check." "It's 87 seven baht... prepare the change." "And clear that table, the customers are waiting." "Hey, do you know where your boss's husband is?" "I'm bursting." "That's not a problem." "The problem is who's gonna pay for this meal?" "I remember now." "Kong's mother is called Wilai." "Nim, we'd be more grateful if you could recall the name of the place." "Wilai is such a great cook." "Wilai?" "Over there." "If you're so fond of Wilai's cooking, go tell her." "Am I a great cook too?" "It's so pricey here." "Do they put Donald Duck in the soup?" "Just order something." "I'll have four chrysanthemum teas." "Chrysanthemum tea?" "Boss, your place is so busy, why don't your children come and help out?" "They're grown-ups and have their own jobs." "How many children do you have?" "Four." "Three girls." "The youngest one is a boy." "That's him in the photo." "Your boy has a good education." "Which school you did you send him to?" "Maybe I'll send mine there too." "A boarding school." "Boss, do you have any gays in your family?" "Take order at Table 10." "Be quick!" "How could you ask him that?" "Is he from a broken family?" "No." "Or a family where the mother bullies the father?" "Yes." "The only son?" "No." "Or the youngest brother with several sisters?" "Exactly." "Did he attend an all-boy school?" "Have a family member who's gay?" "Too bad." "We're this close to completing the checklist." "Yeah, and we're lucky they didn't hack us to death with their duck-knives." "Brother Bee?" "The whole gang are here." "Hang on a sec." "Hello angels." "Have you run through the checklist?" "How many hits does Kong score?" "Three." "But we're not so sure about the last one." "What do we do now?" "Should we just tell Pang what we've learned?" "Take it easy." "It's not enough just to poke around in his family history." "To be sure, you have to see his lair." "Look to see how chic and swanky it is." "You should take photographs as evidence." "And make sure to check for gay nudie mags, or sex toys hidden somewhere then we can determine if he likes to play in the front or the back yard." "If you want a tiger's cub, you have to enter the tiger's cave." "I gotta go." "A yummy Pakistani just walked past." "He's right." "If we want the eggs, we have to get inside the womb." "What?" "We're not sperm, are we?" "If you like dancing, I can take you to RCA tonight." "Anyway, does anyone know where that sissy King lives?" "Yes." "Give me your hands!" "I can see... your secret!" "You bully your husband." "Your kids are hopeless." "Stingy to your maid." "You were a tigress in your past life." "A fierce tigress!" "Am I right?" "Give me your hands!" "Hurry up!" "Draw a card." "Just as I suspected!" "I see your soul mate." "Hang on... your soul mate is a foreigner, right!" "I see an island, lots of islands." "There are raw fish, and wasabi." "Japan!" "Your spirit comes on so strongly." "So strong!" "I see..." "literature and glory." "Take a freelance job." "Lots of it and you'll be rich!" "Your glory resides in your freelance gigs!" "You, give me your hands." "You've got a cloud of good karma." "You'll not die in a freak accident!" "But you'll die at the hospital when you get there." "You, give me your hands." "You're about to get married." "I see you in..." "No!" "Don't get married!" "I forbid you!" "I forbid you to get married!" "But every psychic tells me to." "Are you insulting my power?" "You think I'm bullshitting you?" "Go ahead." "The spirits told me you can get married but it won't last." "Is there any way to reverse the curse?" "I've already prepared the wedding." "Give me the address of your bridal salon." "Sinthani, Sathorn Road." " Sinthani, which room?" " 69." "Blasphemy!" "You can't marry this man!" "He..." "He's unclean." "You cannot marry him!" "Your heart and your house will burn!" "You cannot marry him." "What should I do then?" "We can fix this." "Do you have anything We can fix this." "Do you have anything" "Any object that belongs to your nuptial home?" "The key." "Don't you have the key with you?" "I can undo the curse and ward off the jinx." "But you must promise me one thing." "You won't get married until the curse is lifted early next year." "Can you promise?" "Say you promise!" "Mommy, what're you doing?" "Sopa, take the boys outside." "What happened?" "Where am I?" "I can't remember a thing." "The spirit has descended on me, right?" "Praise be to the holy spirit." "Pang, don't sleep over it." "It's all right." "Thanks a lot." "Good luck, see you." "Don't worry, Nim and I will take care of it." "Madam Fai, all went well according to plan." "Take 500 baht first." "We'll share the rest." "What?" "Everything all right Madam Fai?" "Feel free to call me any time ok?" "Are you done?" "The customers have been queuing up for your sausages." "Are you sick, Pom?" "You want to try my tamarind cough syrup?" "I'm fine." "Or you want grandma's Five-Lizard brand?" "I'd better go see the doctor, thanks." "Let me come with you." "No, it's all right." "I'll take care of myself." "Just go back to work." "You know it's time to make a move when a girl is ill." "Wait a sec!" "May I see your ID?" "Here, I have a key to the room." "Sorry." "You must have been a new tenant." "Sorry." "Welcome the four of you." "Thank you and good-bye." "Watch out!" "Wear these." "We must not leave any fingerprints." "Hold it!" "What now?" "Switch off your cell phone." "Are we going to a movie?" "This place is splendid, the fountain is lovely, do you like it?" "It's nice." "I'll think about it." "There are a few more places we need to see." "Sure." "Take your time." "Pat, I just remembered about the flower arrangement at the ceremony." "Can we let Kong's uncle take care of it?" "Of course." "If he's really good, the hotel might want to use his service next time." "Kong, we should let Pat see his portfolio." "Yes, my uncle is a real expert." "Your uncle?" "We have to go now, a million things to do today." " And we're running out of time." " We should have dinner together." "Nim, hurry up..." " Found something?" " Found what?" "Help me lift the futon." "Pick it up." "What the heck is she doing?" "Peekaboo!" "What's with you?" "You take the shots, I'll go take a crap." "I thought you'd just taken a major one." "The papaya salad this morning." "Go ahead." "Something's troubling you, right?" "How can you tell?" "You always twist your hair when something's weighing in." "Am I right?" "Kong." "Yes." "Some people have suggested that we postpone our wedding." "Your friends?" "A fortune-teller." "Pang, you shouldn't have listened to them." "Especially a fortune-teller." "Hello." "Hello." "What a heck..." "Kong's high-school yearbook?" "They're back." "This is only half my capacity." "I'll need to use the toilet." "Kong." "Bring it over to the desk." "Pang." "Put some more an onion" "Yes." "Have you washed your eggs?" "There's no need to." "They're filthy then." "These are hundred-year-old eggs." "We can eat them like this." "I've bought the CD you like." "Shall we play it?" "Ouch." "You all right?" "It's all right." "Just a scratch." " Are you hurt?" " Here." "It's not so painful." "Didn't know how it happened?" "What did the doctor say?" "What doctor?" "The coughing is gone." "Oh yes, he said it's just a sore throat." "Thanks." "Is this yours?" "Take it back." "You should at least take a few drops." "It's fix your throat so you can start bitching about again." "And what's this?" "A new trend?" "Cool eh?" "Who do you take after?" "That won't cure your swollen mouth." "Big Brother Bee." "Girls, the guys you were eyeing were sissy guys in disguise." "This is Pi Mor, my boyfriend." "Nice to meet you." "So what have you got so far?" "Let me see." "I took them myself." "Ouch." "This is rather suspicious." "If my boyfriend is this organized I wouldn't mind if he's gay." "The one at home twists his underpants into a Mobius tube." "Really?" "Girls." "What about something sexually incriminating?" "There's none." "There are." "In the bathroom, I was reading them." "Hardcore stuff actually." "Physical attributes can be telltale signs too." "Most gay men have the same length of their index and ring fingers." "Look at Pi Mor's for instance." "Look at Kong's fingers." "Here." "See what I mean." "Are they of the same length?" "There's also a theory from the Paris Gay-dar Institute." "86 percent of gay genes are genetically transferable." "This is true." "Do you know if Kong has any gay relative?" "Pi Mor, take a look at this." "This is Kong's uncle, he'll arrange the flowers for wedding." "Is this obvious enough?" "This isn't an uncle." "It's an Auntie." "This is indefensible." "Let's go tell Pang." "Brave and brilliant but you're careless." "These are all stolen stuff." "How can you just barge in and accuse him?" "What should we do then?" "Pang has to see it to believe it." " Kong, is it lovely?" "Look at these pearls." " It's lovely." "But I think this one is prettier." "Like a lotus." "It's nice indeed." "What about the first one?" "Would you be interested in our wedding photo package?" "We're having a special price promotion until the end of the year." "Thanks." "We'll think about it." "I don't think so." "It looks kinda tacky to me." "So we don't have to take the tacky ones." "Only the cute ones." " Excuse me." " Hi." "I've told you I'm not free today." "Can we do it tomorrow?" "Ok, sure." "Kong." "If you're busy don't worry about me." "I can go back by myself." "You sure." "That's sweet." "Then I'll go on first." "Just go for anything you want." "But not the wedding photo, ok?" "See, just like the fortune teller's told you." "You shouldn't push for the wedding." "Come on, at least Kong's ready to please you on almost everything." "At my wedding, everything was decided by Peng's mother." "But Kong lets you call the shot." "You shouldn't be upset." "But I really want to have the photos as a memento." "How many times a woman gets married in a lifetime." "Pang, you're not a girl." "Don't get emotional." "You have to learn to forget something so trivial." "That's how you become happy in a married life." "Hey, Daddy bought some chicken for you." "Hello pretty bride." "If you change your mind I'm still available." "Peng." "Whose hair is this?" "Your hair of course." "My hair?" "Yes, your hair." "You won't be lucky twice." "You're not so bad at this thing." "Why don't you take care of the handicraft column and I'll tell Aunt Pensri to hire a new photographer." "I'm expecting you." "Why's that?" "I made a mouth guard for you." "Try it to see if it fits." "Silly boy." "Saved by the bell." "What's up Madam?" "I told you this guy's weird." "Good, maybe Pang will call off the wedding because he refuses to take the wedding photos." "Bye, see you." "What is it?" "Are you free this Saturday?" "Saturday it's my day off." "You'll have to pay me extra for Saturday." "Or I'll lodge a complaint with the labor department." "Fine, I can find someone else." "Wait!" "Ok, I'll do it." "See you on Saturday 7 am." "In my day we called this lower the bridge." "Don't tease me." "Hey Off what do you call your dress ethics?" "Are you a poof?" "You'll be sweating your pants off in no time." "Right, that's better." "Still look like a sissy." "Let's find a spot." "Somewhere not so crowded." "Wanna hand?" "How about a ride in a duck boat?" "Don't you think I'm rather too old for a duck boat?" "Hi Pom, you have your own date or what?" "What date?" "What time is this?" "Why don't you just show up tomorrow?" "Let's go find a spot." "Smile... one... two..." "Don't just look, go give him something to drink." "Who do you mean?" "Your boy-toy, of course." "Show him some gratitude, it's cheaper than hiring another photographer." "Go on." "I'm not your mother." "Excuse me, can you take a picture for me please?" "You're Japanese." "Men can't be trusted." "What's that?" "Don't make a mountain out of a molehill." "Another one?" "It's all right uncle." "Your daughter's coming for you." "Thanks a lot." "Uncle, look at the camera." "Are you tired?" "No, I'm fine." "Save your energy we're going to sing karaoke later." "Yeah, come along." "Let's get changed and pack things up." "Hurry up." "He's leaving." "Don't know what's got into him." "Usually he likes singing karaoke." "Maybe he's just tired having been out in the sun all day." "He's not a young man, you know that." "It doesn't look good." "Off, you can come with us right?" "Yes." "Come on, I'll let you sing 10 songs in a row." "See you." "Off, see you." "What do you think you're doing?" "Want a lift to the main road?" "I'm going to the karaoke place with you." "Who invited you?" "Your friends did." "Well, old ladies have a hearing deficiency." "They said it because they see you've come out even though it's your day off." "They just said it out of courtesy, get that?" "What about having some courtesy yourself?" "What?" "Hurry up then." "Shut your trap once you're in my car." "Sure sis, my pleasure." "What's that?" "A skunk would faint under your armpits!" "Idiot!" "Perhaps he's the one who'll treat me kindly the one who'll make my life easy..." "Brother Bee?" "Yes." "I was Pang's first love." "Crazy!" "Hello." "Go ahead." "This looks yummy." "Want some?" "You can't claim this one, he's Pom's pet." "Watch what you say." "That's why he looks kinda gloomy, being swallowed by the Queen of Night." "Who'd sport a sun on his head like you do?" "Right here." "Beer?" "Yes, thanks." "Beer?" "No thanks." "I have my wine cooler." "Ok." "Do you know why guys like drinking beer?" "A man's palate is mute to the bitter taste." "That's why they think beer tastes so great." "If he's not a real man then he'll prefer something sweet." "Let's cheers!" "If you drink too much beer you'll develop white spots on your fingernails." "Do you have them, Off?" "No I don't." "Do you have them, Kong?" "No I don't." "That's right." "To your health!" "Is it ok?" "Yes." "It's Pang's big day so let's make this party wild!" "Drink this." "Come one, drink like a man." "Bottoms up!" "More!" "More!" "More!" "Who requested this song?" "I did, I did." "Kong's moves are rather slick." "Like a dancer." "What?" "Look, he moves like a cabaret dancer." "Don't judge a man when he's drunk." "Who requested this song?" "Not me." "It's you." "Are you nuts?" "It's Kong." "Kong, right?" "Remember me?" "Pat" "Haven't seen you since high school, where have you been?" "You look great." "Firm body strong shoulders." "I work out." "That's what I guess." "Are you coming to the high school reunion?" "I guess so." "You don't sound like you really want to." "Just give me your number then." "055111111" "Cool." " I'll ring you up..." " Got it." "...so you can save my number." " Got it." "See you again." "Do you know him?" "A friend from high school." "Kong's real name is Pathawee, right?" "Yes." "Pathawee..." "Pat..." "Must be this one, the darkly handsome guy I saw in the toilet with Kong." "It's him." "See, they sat so close to each other." "Their fingers must have been entwined." "Sure." "They took a picture together." "This ain't looking good!" "He's on top of him!" "What is this note?" "And why did Kong scratch it off?" "There must be a reason, and we must know it." "Drive safely Madam." "Yes." "Are you sure you're gonna let Off crash out here." "He can take care of himself." "Don't worry, he'll find his way home in the morning." "Suit yourself." "You girls go ahead." "I'll take care of it... if you don't mind." "I've bothered you since morning." "Thanks a lot." "Ok, I'll go." "Please go straight back to you temple." "If you love him, stay and watch over him." "But just watch ok?" "Don't try to get inside the boy's pants?" "Stop it." "Go home." "Even without touching him I bet she's already fallen in love." "I said cut it." "Go on, big mouth." "Find the yearbook in its intact form for us will you?" "At 5 o'clock the boy must be up and ready at 7 he'll present himself in the line, neat and tidy otherwise he'll be whipped without mercy in class he'll have be diligent, and not lazy." "Please fill in the application form." "And please be quick." "May I call a time-out, dear teacher please let me have a look at the other corner." "That's good." "Draw a tree..." "Mom, what're you doing?" "Teacher, this book is really interesting." "May I borrow it for a few days?" "Why would you want to read a yearbook?" "Forget it." "Did you get it?" "No." "Mom, you want this book right?" "That's my boy." "I've helped you, so you must promise not to send me to this school." "Sure sweetie." "He's smarter than his mother." "Love of the rugby game, we all share..." "Behind the line, we fight against the sun's glare..." "The match is tough, but we'll push toward there..." "Locker room finally, after we've triumphed fair and square." "This school is a Dead Poet's Society or what?" "So I won't chip in on the fuel expense, ok?" "What did you say?" "We've come this far and got nothing out of it." "Why is it so hard to judge someone's character these days?" "Are those 'gay-dar theories' really working?" "Your uncle, the flower expert..." "is he married?" "How does he manage?" "Waited until the kids grew up I guess." "That doesn't sound like a good life." "Are you beat?" "A little." "That feels good." "Who's next?" "Hello darling, come sit down." "Darling, Pang's coming to join us, is that ok?" "You seem hungry, we can start without her." "Let me get this for you." "Is this promotion card still valid?" "Sorry, the promotion expired last week." "But we're kicking off a new campaign next month if you bring your father to dine here, you'll get a 50-percent discount." "Go on, tuck in." "Too old I am for you..." "What?" "I... too... old... for... you." "You have to say it like this..." "I'm too old for you." "We were not made for each other." "Pat!" "Pat!" "Pat!" "Are you listening to me?" "Pang, don't take it seriously." "Sometimes I saved the number of someone so I don't have to answer his call." "Maybe he let it ring just because I was there with him." "PAT, it's a girl's name." "Pat." "Or is it you, Pat?" "Are you plotting to steal from your best friend?" "Idiot." "Listen to me." "If you're made for each other, then nothing can change that." "Pat." "Are you ok?" "You don't look so well." "I know it's all over..." "I know you want us to be friends..." "Do you know how much it hurts inside?" "It hurts me morning and night..." "It's over, our love is history..." "Pat." "The green light." "Are you OK?" "Pat, the light!" "Pat, roll down your window." "Come on Pat." "Can you please move your car?" "I can't do it." "Ken-jang doesn't love me any more." "I have nothing left." "Well, can you please shift to neutral?" "Shift to neutral." "The eggs are ready." "Thanks." "Would you like me to squeeze it?" "I'm fine, thanks." "That one needs some squeezing though." "You look so tired." "How have you been doing, young lady?" "You look exhausted." "Kong." "Do you think we're gonna make it?" "Isn't it too late to ask?" "What happened?" "You've been seeing a fortune-teller again." "No." "I'm just asking." "Why did you choose to be with me?" "I'm happy when I'm with you." "We have so many things in common." "Do whatever you want to do?" "I've had enough of worldly emotions." "But my dear nun, Pang's engagement is tomorrow." "This is our last chance to help her enlighten." "'SELFISHNESS is a terrible vice'" "'VIRTUE is deeper than the deepest river'" "Nun, why do they write the first word in bold letters?" "The first word is always the most meaningful one." "Nun, where's your car?" "We've to run." "LOVE" " IN" " THE" " LOCKER" " ROOM" "In the locker room!" "How could they do it covered in mud and sweat?" "Don't you know sweaty bodies make it all the more exciting!" "What?" "Nim, you're sick!" "We have to call that guy Pat." "What do you want?" "May I speak to Pat?" "Pat's not here." "He's gone." "Gone!" "He's dead!" "Ha, when did it happen?" "No, he's gone out of town." "Just get him on the phone will you?" "Can't get him." "He's in Rayong." "Give me his cell phone number." "01978851" "Thanks." "Wait, two more digits." "Thanks." "What did she say?" "Pat's gone to Rayong." "If he's out of town don't use my phone." "The last call cost me a dozen baht already." "You've the guts to be stingy at this critical moment." "Worst than salt." "No signal?" "We have to think fast, the ceremony is tomorrow." "Pang." "Yes." "You know we've been good friends and we wish you nothing but the best." "Tomorrow's your big day but we have something important to tell you." "Pom, go ahead, tell her." "What is it, Pom?" "Promise me you're not going to be upset the thing is..." "can you postpone the engagement?" "Why do you say that?" "I've prepared everything." "Is it anything serious?" "We can't get our dresses made in time." "'Can't get our dresses made'" "That justifies the postponement?" "Because Kong's gay." "And I don't like seeing my friend being deceived." "We have to prepare to face the worst." "At least we're doing everything we can." " Bye." " Bye." "Hello, who are you?" "I'm pat" "We're Kong's friends." "We have to ask you an important question." "Madam, get in the car." "Get in the car." "Pat, you know Kong quite well, right?" "Can you tell us if he's a real man?" "Why don't you ask him?" "Because we don't trust him, we can't be sure if he's been lying to us." "Why would he do that?" "To cover his identity by marrying a good woman." "Hold on." "Is Kong really what we think he is?" "Don't run away." "Wait!" "Is Kong duping all of us?" "I just told you Kong doesn't deceive anyone." "Don't' cover for him, I know you two had a thing together." "This is our evidence." "What do you want from me?" "We want the truth." "What happened that day in the locker room between you two?" "Why can't you just tell us the truth?" "It's gonna be too late tomorrow." "That's none of my business." "It's none of your business, but it's everything in the life of a poor naive girl." "Look, I'm just a gay guy." "Why should I go out and save humanity?" "Pat, I need to go to the toilet." "Me too." "I'm bursting." "What a waste." "Hurry up." "If you're all set, I need to use the toilet too." "No." "Can't you see we're in a hurry?" "Come on, move, move." "Maybe he's the one who'll treat me with mercy..." "I must compliment you on these exquisite flowers." "It's my masterpiece, this being my grandson's engagement." "Please gather for group photos." "Hello." "Let's take pictures together." "Where's the photographer?" "We should've stopped at my salon for a quick hairstyling." "You still have a heart to think about business." "Kong, let's take a photo." "Another one please." "Thanks." "Why are you so late?" "I thought you were joking about your unfinished dresses never knew you're serious." "It's all right, let's take some pictures." "The make-up guy you recommended is great." "Nim, are you tired, let's take some photos." "Kong, the gang's here, let's take some photos" "Big smile!" " Kong, big smile!" " Ok, one... two..." "Thanks." "It's been ages since we last took group photos." "Pat." "Hello, Pat." "Kong, are you sure you want to do this?" "Don't tell me your conscience is clear." "How long are you going to hide it from yourself?" "I've done what you asked me to do." "Do you have to go this far?" "But we're doing it for your own good." "Right, we're doing this for you." "Don't want any of you to do anything for me again." "Stop messing up my life!" "Go ahead then, marry your gay husband!" "Who turns it on?" "That's a lie." "Kong's not gay." "Maybe he's the one I've been looking for..." "The one I've been dreaming for..." "The one who'll treat me kindly..." "The one who'll make my whole life easy..." "The one who'll always be with me." "Maybe we've really gone too far." "It's time to go for broke." "But it's rude, there are so many elderly folks at the function." "Our own elders should've warned us." "How could you blame me?" "We're in this together." "Shit." "Good afternoon." "Mr Kaneshiro is still in the meeting." "Please remind Mr Kaneshiro that he's got an appointment with the doctor tomorrow." "Pat?" "With warm regards from Bumrungrad Hospital" "I've got this for you." "An offering to the Queen of Night?" "You only got me black things." "Stop behaving like boy will you?" "Please leave your message, Pang will get back to you." "Paul, Peak, what happened?" "They got into a fight with the girls." "Your boys want to enter a beauty queen contest." "What?" "Pi Joe." "Joe, where are you?" "He's gone out to see a client, probably won't come back." "Pi Tod, you told me you couldn't make it!" "It's a surprise, my dear." "I thought I'd have to go to the Loy Kratong festival by myself." "Fai, let's close up early today." "Let's take the boys to Loy Kratong festival." "Which one is the prettiest?" "Sopa." "Take the boys to see the fireworks outside." "Have you heard, Pi Joe, that according to statistics 80 percent of Thai women lose their virginity on Loy Kratong night." "Yes, I've read about that." "Aren't you going to float the basket tonight?" "Will you marry myself?" "I mean, will you marry me?" "It's sad when our good intentions are misunderstood." "But don't give up, sis." "Take me for an example." "I won't give up easily." "I made this for you." "No, Aunt Chamaipon made it." "I prefer this one by the way." "What're you smiling at?" "Go pack your things." "Are you going to float it tonight or not?" "Loy Loy Kratong..." "I'm not your mommy, no need to take my hand." "I'm not lost either." "You don't lose the way, but lose your..." "Don't go round dropping your things." "I picked it especially for you." "Can you do me a favor?" "Go help your mommy make the sweets." "You bring the suspect to the law, uh?" "I was compelled to do so." "Do you think I'm gay?" "There's a possibility." "What does that mean?" "Try it once and you'll know what I mean." "I'm not sure." "Kong, this life is yours only." "How long can you live with the specter of uncertainty?" "I think you already have the answer." "Now it's a question of whether you can accept it." "That's salt." "Are you going to dump them all?" "The ingredients were wrong from the start." "If you push further it's inedible anyway." "Dumping it now is your best bet." "You can't turn salt into sugar." "Pang, I owe you an explanation." "You may think I've deceived you." "Believe me, all along I've only deceived myself." "I know I've hurt your feelings." "I'm hurt myself." "And I'm confused." "I'm sorry." "Come on, just be what you want to be." "Don't blame yourself." "Hello, is it Pang?" "How're you?" "You can always tell me." "I swear I'll zip my mouth shut." "Madam, I know the whole gang are there." "Put me on the speaker phone will you?" "Stop making such a long face." "Pom, when will you quit picking your nose?" "I've cleared it all up with Kong." "We're getting married next month." "What?" "Just kidding!" "May I ask you a favor?" "Don't hate Kong for this." "Pang, we'll never hate him." "We did all those things because we wanted you to be happy, get it?" "Or else I wouldn't have played hookie from work and lost so many clients." "Dinner's served!" "Waew is here herself!" "I've ordered you a special menu." "Gut-twisting fare from the head chef." "Let's party now that the worst is over." "A man enters and leaves us in tears." "But a girl friend will always be here." "I like it." "Your order's here." "Please separate the beef pot from the pork pot." "There's no need." "Let's eat from the same pot." "Why's that?" "Are you now eating beef?" "No." "But it's so lonely eating from my own pot." "I know it." "But can you finish all this?" "Sure, I've been craving sour food for days." "But Madam you'll have to pay for two portions if you're eating this much." "Can't you be a little generous to your grandchild in my womb?" "You'll have to name him Baby Loy Kratong for the day of his conception." "Crazy." "Then my two boys would've been called Halloween and Christmas." "Your husband likes to score during the holidays, right?" "You're lucky to have so many kids." "The fortune-teller said I'll meet my match again when I turn 40." "Come on," "We'll take care of you." "Almost forgot, Kong has brought souvenirs for all of you." "Share them among yourselves." "Where was he?" "He went to organize a fashion show in Milan." "He's sweet." "He must have a good time traveling around." "Will he have time to join us for dinner?" "Don't trust the fortune-tellers." "We have to find our own soulmates." "Yes." "More water?" "This boy isn't bad-looking, don't you think?" "Yes."