"Okay, Roy McCormick fan or not, you gotta admit the guy is a Cinderella story." "He grows up without two nickels to rub together and look at him now." "He's got Ohio Polyptych, the three championships, he's one of the best coaches in college basketball." "He's also the best paid." "But let's be realistic." "Coach Roy has not won, in what, forever." "My opinion, he's more interested in endorsements than winning basketball games, Salley." "It's that simple." "Hey, hi." "I'm Coach Roy." "When I get hot under the collar," "I cool off with Cool Breeze!" ":" "See, Coach Roy is slippin' because right now, his best statistical of the season:" "eight technical fouls in these last eight games." "That's hardly championship coaching." ":" "You eat eight hamburgers at lunch, you know." "Look, the fact is this, Roy has lost touch with the fundamentals and he's also lost touch with his team." "Y'all can take some pictures but I'm not gonna be able to sign any autographs right now." "As you can see, I'm very busy." "Roy better get his stuff together because otherwise, he'll be coaching at the Y." "And they don't even have a basketball team." "And that's the joke, see." "Okay, guys." "Real important game today." "I need you to be 100 percent." "Unfortunately, I can't be there." "I'm doing a photoshoot for Detail magazine and it's gonna run late." "I'll be there at half-time and you better not lose." "'Cause losing makes me look bad." "Coach Roy cannot be happy right now, Jack." "His team has a lot of work to do and not much time to do it." "It is crunch time, Bar." "This is where we're gonna find out what these two teams and their coaches are really made of." "What are you calling?" "What are you calling, Earl?" "Earl, what is that?" "What is that?" "Give it up, Roy." "Just one more word." "Hey, Coach!" "This my nest!" "This my nest!" "You need to do an endorsement for Altoids." "Your breath is humming!" "Hey, clown!" "You keep running your mouth," "I'm gonna come over there and re-arrange your beak." "What, you're talking smack?" "You're talking smack, huh?" "You're talking smack?" "Shut up." "No basket!" "What?" "Why don't we play jacks because we're not playing basketball." "Technical foul, Coach Roy!" "Over?" "I was way over there!" "That's two, you're out of here!" "Just because...?" "Did I do this?" "Did I do that?" "Did I do that?" "That's why you give me a tech!" " Hit the showers." " No, you hit the showers, Earl!" "You hit the showers!" "I'm not hitting no showers." "Yeah, kick him out!" "Kick him out!" "Y'all didn't even ask me what went on." "Y'all just snatched me!" "You know what?" "Victor?" "Coach Roy killed Victor!" "Victor?" "Victor!" "I feel bad." "I feel real bad." "You know, out there having temper tantrums and arguing with the refs." "Man, I should know better than that." "You represent everything that's wrong with college sports today." "You don't care about the players, you don't care the game." "If things don't go your way, you explode like a spoiled child." "Look, if you're gonna fine me, fine me, man." "How much?" "Aight, 'cause I ain't got all day." "It's time for me to bounce." "What's happenin'?" "It's with such pleasure, that I say that you," "Roy McCormick, that you're officially banned from coaching in the NCBA for the remainder of your life." "You're banning me, huh?" "Yeah, okay." "I've been here longer than all y'all." "You forgot about the three championships I won, didn't you, Mr. Vice President." "Huh?" "And now you wanna ban me?" "No, I'm banning you!" "I'm banning you for life!" "Can he ban us?" "Of course not!" "Stand up straight." "Excuse me, gentlemen." ""Prior to a life-time ban, an offending coach must be granted an opportunity to demonstrate compliance." "If an offending coach completes the remainder of a season without any infractions, the rejections, current malfeasance, etcetera." "He must be re-admitted on a probationary basis."" "In short, you gotta give Roy one last chance to prove himself." "Yes, but it doesn't say" "I have to let him coach out the rest of the year in my league." "Watch your temper, Roy." "Good luck finding another team." "We should go." "And then I'm gonna smash the guitar." "Good." "'Cause if you don't, I will." "Dad call?" "He coming' to the game?" "Uh... keep practicing, okay?" "Come on, we're late." "Hey, hold it!" "Hold it." "Okay, look." "I would love to tell you that everybody you meet in this life was gonna be great and you can always count on those people." "But that'd be a lie." "Your dad is not part of our lives anymore, all right?" "But I got your back and I'm gonna keep having your back." "So before you go giving up on this world, you need to wait 'til...'til you're about 18 like everybody else, all right?" "Mom, if you're so smart, how'd you end up with dad in the first place?" "Okay, you know what, you're too smart for your own good." "I'll see you at the tip-off." "All right, Mom." "Oh, because if I hadn't I wouldn't had you." "Keith." "I wouldn't had you." "I always think of the good mom stuff after he's gone." "It's crazy." ":" "It's game day here at Mt." "Vernon." "Let's take a moment to review the Smelters starting line-up." "First off, we have Keith Ellis." "Now, everyone knows." "Keith Ellis is the best player on the team." "Including Keith." "At power forward is One Love." "Okay, now, the only thing." "One Love loves more than playing basketball is his shoes." "Um, his hair." "His image." "And his shoes again." "At point guard, we got Ralph." ":" "The kid has got four older brothers, okay?" "All of them were all-star athletes." "I mean, the pressure to succeed is tremendous." "Returning as small forward is the player with the best attitude." "And the worst vision." "Last year, he held the record for the most balls to the face." ":" "Luckily, this year he has a solution." "And a new nickname, Annie." "Everyone's calling him the Kid Goggles." "Rounding out the starting five is Fuzzy." "Now, we have high expectations for the kid." "I mean, word on the street is that he's been bulking up, specifically for this season." "And of course, the coach of our intrepid team and Home Ec teacher, Mr. Newirth." "While he's never coached before or even played the game of basketball, he proved to the administration he was exactly what they were looking for." " Oh, yeah?" "How?" " He volunteered for the job." "Okay." "Get that shoe contract yet, One Love?" " Not yet." " Bam!" ":" "Your deal." "Court's free." "You guys want to warm up?" "What for?" ":" "Want a cookie?" " You spit on this?" "No." "All right." ":" "Game nine, and the pressure is on." "But you couldn't tell by looking at the calm, confident faces of the Smelters." "Easily the best zero-and-eight team in the league, hungry to avenge their nail-biting lost last week." "86 to zero." "Which the Smelters were subjected to several... hundred bad calls." "[A Space Odyssey fanfare ¶]" "Break!" "Okay." "One Love's cutting." "One Love's open." "One Love is open!" "Yeah." "One Love has the ball!" "Right here." "Right here, Keith." "Right here!" "Keith!" " :" "What's he thinking?" " I don't know." "I don't like it." ":" "Man, if we had Coach Roy, we'd never lose." "Touchdown!" "Oh, there's..." "Ow!" "All right, our next guest is looking to get back in the game he loves and this time, he promises not to ruffle anymore feathers." "Please welcome the former head coach at Ohio Polyptych, Roy McCormick!" " Hey!" " How are ya?" "You know what?" "Roy, you're a man of your word." "You always said you'd come on the show when you're available and brother, you are really available now." "Well, you know, I'm weighing my options." "I'm a free agent, baby." "Ah-hah!" "My fans!" "Yeah, man." "But, uh, word on the street is, uh, you couldn't get a job right now fielding sheep." "Ah, man, look, I wanna go somewhere where... where the desire to win is just great, you know?" "'Cause y'all know I'm a winner." "And I-I kinda want to go back to my roots." " That's what I want." " Yeah, you're a winner!" "He's a winner, folks!" "That's right." "Come with me." "Come on, I got a plan." "Come on." ":" "Anything yet?" " It's ringing." " There?" " Mm-hmm." "Sorry." " I'll get it." "Stay." " Whatever." "Anyway..." "Man, this is a junior high." "I won three NCBA championships." "I mean, what?" "What do I gotta do?" "But, Roy, don't you see it?" "It's perfect!" "It's your old school." "Okay, look." "We accept their offer, you work with these kids for a week." "They get a huge thrill out of it, duh!" "You look like a saint and we get free P.R., which no offense, Roy, we desperately need." "Okay, in the meantime, it'll give me a chance to land us a solid job offer." "Well, what offers do we have now?" "Hmm?" "Dorian, this is the supplemental budget." "Could you get me the full budget, please." "Hon, that is the full budget." "Tim Fink, Principal Partner, the Fink Agency." "Fink fast!" "Yeah." "Mary Walsh, Principal of Mt." "Vernon Junior High-Whoa, whoa!" "Wow!" "Okay, that's Coach Roy." "Coach Roy is in the house!" "Coach Roy is here, he's in my office." "All right, well then." "Gentlemen-uh-oh!" "Community service?" "Did you get arrested for something?" "We get more great sports guys that way." "We're here to accept your offer." "Yay!" "No idea what you're talking about." " Your offer." " Mm-hmm." "Oh, my." "My goodness." "I... just." "S-spelling error." "So, you're telling me that Roy McCormick, wants to coach here." "Am I getting punked?" "Roy is gonna work with your team." "They're gonna be coached by the best of the best for absolutely-wait for it." "No charge." ":" "Yeah, I wanna give back to the community, um, you know here's where I found my first true love, which is basketball." "Well, teamwork, so I guess that's two loves." " Two loves." " Mmm." "That's very inspiring, Coach." "Well, uh, gosh, gentlemen." "I guess... follow me?" "People." "Apparently, some of you have tried to circumvent school policy and hire a new head coach on your own." "Well, I'm impressed." "Without further ado, please welcome your new head coach." "Uh..." "They're really short." "Yeah, they're 13." "All right, well, good luck, kids." " And, uh, behave yourself." " Oh, we will." "I was talking to him." "Coach Roy, I'm a big fan." "I've seen all your commercials." "A couple things I should warn you about." "Uh, Ralph, here, for instance." "When he gets nervous, he pukes." " You my assistant head coach?" " Real honor working with you." "Yeah, I appreciate it." "Well, uh, why don't you, uh, run and, uh, fetch me, uh, a patty melt?" "Maybe one with your arms around the kids, having fun?" "Yeah, sure thing." "Yeah, huh." "Got it?" "That's right." "Y'all look basketball style." " We're never gonna lose again." " Yeah." "One Love's definitely on the way to getting a shoe contract now." "Yeah!" "How you feeling, Ralph?" ":" "Whoa!" "Oh, priceless!" "Y'all run some drills, all right." "I'm gonna try and get this guck off my shoe." "Excuse me, Mr. Photographer." "We don't know any drills." "Or have any skills." "We'll just have to make some up then." "Come on." "Okay, great drill." "Let's run our passing drill now." "Come on." "Let's step it up." "Mary, is it really a good idea?" "You know, Jeanie, you may find this hard to believe, but I don't get a lot of gifts here at Mt." "Vernon." "I got no money," "I got no resources, I got no nothin'." "Excuse me, that's a double negative." "Bethanne, stick it where the sun don't not shine." "So, when one of the best coaches in basketball wants to coach my kids for free;" "Kids, who, incidentally, are on their way to another no-win season," "I'm not gonna say no." "Besides, Coach Roy has never hit a player." "Oh, okay." "Great, great." "So that's the criteria?" "If he's never hit a kid, then he can work at Mt." "Vernon." "Yeah, I know, but check it out." "If he steps out of line in any way, all we have to do is call the NCBA, and he's out of here." "So I think he's gonna be on his best behavior." "Okay, how are you gonna run a school and monitor a madman?" "Well, Jeanie, I'm not." "Uh-uh!" "No, no, no, no!" "I'm not either." "Yes, yes, yes, yes." "You go to all the games, anyway." "You could be my eyes and ears." "Yeah, the minute you say he's out of line, he's gone." "Come on." "Girls, trust me." "Coach Roy is gonna do wonders for this school." "Coach Roy has some issues!" "That he needs to work..." "A little bit." "Out." "Stop." "Stop." "Stop." "Ooh!" ":" "Dang!" "You really bleed a lot." "High blood pressure." "Too much stress." "What's that, CKOne?" "How much do they pay you to put that on your hankie?" "Let me smell it." "Look, I don't care how many titles he's won." "I don't care anything about that." "I know his reputation." "Oh, come on, give him a chance." "For what?" "He's got some problems, and if he touches my son..." "Stay away from my son!" "Mom, he didn't hit anybody." "Yet." "He just got here." "Give him a chance." "We hit him and barfed on him." "Plus, his Escalade got tagged." "But he doesn't know that yet." "Look, I'm sorry." "My name is Jeanie, and it's just my son means a lot to me." "Look, um, excuse me." "Miss Jeanie?" "Now, look, I know my reputation precedes me, but it's just a rep, you know?" "It's not true." "Roy McCormick." "Very nice to meet you." "I know who you are." "My son idolizes you." "Well, your son, he's-he's a good kid." "You know, I think he's gonna do big things in this game." "He's gonna be all right." "Well, that's good to know because that's not my son." "That's my son." "He's gonna be good, too, 'cause they-they run drills together, so they kind of know the same drills." "And, quite frankly," "I don't like the way you treat your players." "My son doesn't need some hotshot egomaniac trying to tell him he's good because he is good." "Ma'am, Miss Jeanie." "Look, I swear, the only reason" "I'm here is-is to help these kids." "I wouldn't do anything to hurt 'em." "Now, that temper tantrum thing is long gone." "Well, it was nice meeting you." "Very nice meetin' you." "If you don't mind, maybe I can call you sometime or somethin'?" "I don't think so." "Dude, Roy's checking out your mom." "He ain't lying'." ":" "Coach Roy, what's it like coming back to coach at your old school?" "It's aight, you know." "And, you know, I grew up in the mean streets." "The suburbs, okay?" "I had one dream, and that was to get out." "Not end up here like these losers, who, I guess, I would love to give back to." "For such a great coach, he really doesn't do much, does he?" "No." " There's a game today?" " That's why we're in uniform." "Oh, how the mighty have fallen." "You don't remember me, do you?" "I applied to be your assistant coach seven times." "You said that I was too rigid." "Turns out I wasn't so rigid" "I couldn't lead the Vikings to nine state championships." "Wow, I didn't know middle schools had state championships." "Yeah, well, they do and I won them nine times." "Nine times?" "Big kudos for ya." "The only kid you need to look out for on my team is my son, Larry Jr." "All right, well, good luck, man." "You're in my house!" "This is my world!" "You be in my world now!" "No mercy." "One, two, three." "No mercy!" "Let's get some!" "Oh!" "Way downtown!" "Yeah!" "One Love is cutting!" "One Love is open!" "One Love has the ball!" "One Love is shaking!" "One Love is baking." "Aah!" "My shoe!" "Aren't you supposed to be doing something?" "Yeah, I'm thinking about what I'm gonna eat for lunch." "You interested?" "Keith, I'm open!" " One Love is wide open!" " Pass the ball!" "Keith, One Love is open!" "Has your kid ever heard of passing'?" "We had position, ref!" "Where's the call?" "Charge!" "Oh, thank you!" "Are you kiddin' me?" "That was ten minutes ago." "Oh." "That's our ref, "Late" Carl Freedburg." "He's a good guy." "He's a little slow on the whistle, though." " Keith, pass." " Time out!" "Come on, guys, huddle up." "Come on, come on, come on." "Listen, I don't mind you embarrassing' yourselves 'cause you're used to it, okay?" "But now you're startin' to embarrass me." "What's your name?" "My name's Keith." "Keith, do you think you can, uh, try not to turn the ball over?" "Guys, I need you to get out there and go to work, okay?" "And try to keep it in single digits." "Let's go, guys." "Let's go!" "We wouldn't wanna humiliate him." "That's a winning attitude." "Keith, the ball!" "What's he doing?" "Two, four, six, eight!" "Who do we appreciate?" "Smelters!" "A hockey-playing dog." "What'll those Canadians think of next?" "Oh, speaking of animal lovers, in a follow-up to a recent story, former NCBA Madman Coach," "Roy McCormick lost his first game today in the cutthroat middle school division!" "I swear to God, 109 to nothing." "For real!" "He has to teach the kids fundamentals, like, things like, uh, which basket is ours." "Yeah, like "jump ball" means that your team has gotta jump, too." "Look, Roy's gotta do a better job if he wants to coach again in the NCBA." "It's that simple." "Oh, sh..." "Oh!" "Yeah?" "Roy?" "Fink." "Uh, what the heck are you doin'?" "Hey, man, what's the big deal, okay?" "It's middle school." "Who cares?" "Who cares?" "That's-that's what I said, but you know," "Roy, it made all the national news." "And I had some solid job offers lined up and now everyone's bailed on us." "Look, nobody wants to hire... a loser." "Look, Coach, you gotta win at least one game with these kids if you ever wanna work again." "Oh, hi." "Are you Mr. McCormick?" "I'm a big fan." "Can I please have your autograph?" "Sure thing, young lady." "Thank you." "Wait, whoa, whoa." "That's my car." "There you go." "That was your car." "It was part of your endorsement deal and that's been terminated." "Have a great deal." "I still think you're great." "I want my old life back." "Huddle up!" "Now, I'm gonna be honest with you." "I can't afford to lose by triple digits again or else I'm finished." "So, I've decided to teach you how to play the game of basketball." "Yeah, the concept of dribbling, passing and scoring, okay?" "So, playtime is over and if you don't like it, the door is right there." "Get back here!" "I'm gonna need some help." "Unbelievable." " Give me that!" " Give it back!" "Get off me, boy!" "You want some, too?" "Unbelievable!" " What?" " She started it." "Shut up!" "Go on, now." "You're comin' with me." "Look who's in trouble again." "You got somethin' to say?" "Hey, look, these ain't even allowed in school, okay?" "You a natural." "What's your name?" " Big Mac." " Big Mac." "Well, you're comin' with me, all right?" "Oh, no." "I'm not, no." "I'm not goin' to detention." "It's more like a work release program, all right?" "Trust me." "Suit up." "Come on." "Come on, Big Mac, suit up." "Trust me." "Whoa." "Yao Ming, wait up." "What a dork." "Sorry." " Hey." " Excuse me." "Can I help you?" "Um, I just wanted to talk to one of your players." ""Players?" These are my students." "And, no, while Wes is in my class, you can't speak to him." "I'll come back later, okay?" "Okay, look, Wes is really shy, okay?" "And he's not into sports and he really doesn't need to be pushed around by your type." "My type?" "What's my type, since you know me?" "What's my type?" "A bully." "A stubborn, spoiled, always-gets-his-way bully." "You're good." "Thank you." "I'll come back after class, but I do gotta ask something'." "Look, son, you like basketball?" "Um, I'm not very coordinated." "Oh, man, that's perfect." "Nobody else on the team is coordinated." "So, join us, please." "It's perfect." " You, out!" " Just give me one second." "Thirty seconds, all right?" "All right?" "Son, do you know what everybody wants out of life?" "No." "They wanna be loved." "I love you because you are six feet, man, with extremely long arms, you know?" "Now, I can't promise you if you join the team that, you know, you're gonna get the girls." "I can't, I can help you, you know, see where they at but I can't help you get the girls, you know." "And I can't even promise that you're gonna be a good player, but what I can guarantee you is that, uh, you won't be the butt of nobody's jokes, son." "How tall are you, son?" "Six-two." "Six-two?" "I'm deeper and deeper in love!" "Wow!" "Six-two!" "Will you join us?" "I, um..." "I have to wear a t-shirt under my jersey 'cause my perspiration gives me dermatitis." "Meet me at the gym at three o'clock 'cause, uh, we practice hard." "I'll be there." " My man." "All right." " Careful." " Yeah, thanks." " I'm watchin' you." "Yeah, thank you." ":" "These here are the new recruits." "This is Wes." "You mess with him, you're gonna have to answer to me." "This is Big Mac." "You mess with her, well, you're on your own." ":" "Are the Smelters running a drill?" "Hey, I think that's the girl that stole my wife's car." "Don't stare." "Just out of curiosity, how long have you been shootin' hoops?" "For a while in juvie." "Well, you're our enforcer, okay?" "Don't mean you gotta fight, but you got five fouls." "Don't be afraid to use 'em." "I don't mind fighting'." "I'm sure, but you have good hands and you have good footwork." "Use 'em." "That's not what I'm talkin' about." "Wes!" "Yeah, Coach?" "Look, do yourself a favor." "Don't warm up today, all right?" " But I..." " I know, you never, ever played basketball, but for the next 15 minutes, that's our little secret, okay?" "All right." "My secret weapon." "No weapon form against thee shall prosper." "How you doin, my brother?" "You always come through for a brother." "Hey!" "God bless you!" "Oh, brother!" "Thank you." "You're shinin'." "You're shinin' like the light." "Look, I got about four or five other engagements I need to get to, so if we can kind of put a little pep in the step." "Get this thing moving'." "Not a problem." "Smelters?" "God bless you, basketball babies." "How you doin'?" "Good." "I'm Preacher Don and Coach Roy asked me to come down here and speak with you." "So, if I-if I may," "I would like to say a prayer with you and Coach Roy, if that's all right." "Let's bow our heads, please." "God is good." "God is great." "Thank you for this game we're about to receive 'cause we about to get up in them." "Thank you for the food that we about to-No, that's the wrong prayer." "God, we ask that you give us the strength that everything will go our way out there on the court and if that cannot happen," "God, we ask that you injure some key players on the other team." "Not so that they get seriously injured but that they're slowed up so that the Smelters will win this game." "Amen!" "Because we know you, God loves a winner." "Can I get an "amen?"" ":" "Amen." "Amen." "I'm gonna need that cash real quick." "Oh, no problem." "Back off!" "In her rookie debut," "Margaret "Big Mac" Green won the Smelters' first tip-off since-When's the last time we won a tip?" "Quick." "'89." "Two years before we were born." " Wait." " Where do we write our points?" "I-I don't know, we've never had to before." "Technical foul, Mt." "Vernon!" " What's wrong with you?" " It's a technical foul." "Delay of game." "I'm not talkin' to you." "I'm talkin' to them." "Look, you can't have a parade every time you score." "Now, get back out there and get your heads in the game." "Let's go!" "Big Mac, you really tryin' my patience." "Substitution." "Substitution, ref." "I'm bringin' in Sledgehammer." "Sledge?" "You're all right." "Ref, let's get an I.D. check here." "This kid looks old enough to drink." "Look, I'm whispering', okay?" "I need you to nod your head and act like I'm sayin' somethin' important." "I need you to go out here, be cool and try not to trip." "Can you do that?" "II think so, Coach." "Thank you, son." "Come on." "Diamond and one, diamond and one." "Let's go." "Set it up." "Okay, doubleteam the kid." "Double-team the Sledgehammer." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Sledge?" "Hey, give me-give me some shake and bake, baby." "A double shake and bake, you know?" "With a little bit of this, that, you know." "Double it up, you know what I'm sayin'?" "All right?" "Bang with 'em." "What's that?" "Hey, hold your ground, okay?" "Bang with 'em." "All right, show 'em what it's like to be with the big boy." " Bang with 'em." " You feel me?" "Huh?" "Stand strong, Wes!" "Stand strong!" "Sledgehammer, huh?" "Take it to the iron, boys!" "They're soft inside!" "Wes?" "Out." "Hey, you did good, son, all right?" "All right, you hung in there a lot longer than I thought you would." "Have a seat." "Ralph." "You're in." "Thanks." ":" "Come on, let's go!" "Congratulations, you only lost by 45!" "That's why you're doin' 45 suicides." "Now, let's go." "What?" "What are you doin' here?" " What?" " Coach, what happens if we win?" "Fuzzy, if you win, if you win," "I'll do a suicide for every point you win by, okay?" "Now, dig it out!" "Get back to work." "See the way you're runnin'?" "That's why you're losin'." "You may wanna embarrass you, but you're not gonna embarrass me!" "I pulled out every trick in the book today." "These aren't college kids, Roy." "They're 13." "I mean, you were 13 once, right?" "Only one thing motivates a 13-year-old boy and it ain't Smelter pride." "Hey, baby." "I just said something smart." "I'm gonna write that down." "Ladies, free pizza here." "Come by the gym, get a slice." "All you want, all you want." "All right?" "Oh, cheese, yeah." "Cheese." "Excuse me." " Is he serious?" " Come on!" "My mouth's watering' already." "I can't wait to get to this pizza, y'all." "Hey, did you get the Cinnabon?" "Whoa." "'Cause they supposed to give us a free Cinnabon that goes with these-these pizzas." "Yeah!" "Pizza!" " Guys, layup lines." " But..." "Layup lines, come on." "All right." "Is there always gonna be pizza here?" "There will be from now on." " You're home ec, right?" " Yeah." " How's your pizzas?" " Delicious-y for shizzy." "All right, okay." "Good, 'cause that's your new job." " You straight?" " Yes." " Oh, I will not let you down." " All right." " Okay." " All right." "There's chicken parm in the crust, ladies, so put your feed bags on." "Hey, green team out." "Green team out." " So, who are we playin'?" " Me." "You the ball handler, huh?" "Yeah, that's right, I see you." "You kinda tight with that rock, huh?" "You like to go to the basket." "Ain't no "I" in team, huh?" "It's about you." "Do your thing, man." "Check it." " Ooh, did I anger you?" " Just give me the ball." "Oh!" "What's the Shaq do?" "What's that move he do when he block people?" "No, Mutombo, he do like this." ""I don't think that you should bring it in there." "You should get it to one of your teammates."" "Let's see what you got, man." "You gotta use your teammates sometime, man." "Uh-oh, look, he's mad now." "See, when I get blocked I start looking for my teammates, you know what I mean?" "'Cause they can help me out, you know?" "Wow, but if I get the ball to them late, watch what happens." " I didn't wanna do it." " I didn't wanna do it." "I'm hungry." "What's wrong with you?" "Pass the ball!" "Dude, come on, just pass it." "We'll give it right back." "Come on, let's go." "Wait a minute, oh, comin' at ya." "Comin' at, comin' at ya." "Look, all right." "All right." "All right, you passed the ball, man." "How does that feel for the ball to go from your hand to another hand?" "Again, try it again." "Show you how you how you do it on d." "Right there." "Right there, comin' at ya." "Comin' at ya." "All right." "All right, all right." "All right, all right." "Okay." "All right, all right," "I'm gonna admit, I'm a little tired." "The point I'm tryin' to prove is that teamwork beats out talent any day." "Now, one-on-one, neither one of y'all could beat me." "You know, that's just real, but, you know, all five of y'all together, if y'all play as a team, you might could do something with me." "Now, man, I'm gonna keep it real with you like that." "But, anyway, I-I gotta-I gotta go throw up." "Green team, you're in!" "Let's go, guys." "One Love, hedge that ball screen." "Right there, there you go." "Dodge it right there, aight?" "Go to Mac." "Mac." "Here." "All right, who can tell me, again the highly complex way of beating the pick-and-roll?" "Somebody?" "Talking?" "Talking." "Exactly." "Talking." "Guys, you gotta communicate out there." "You're a team, all right?" "Communication is the key." "It's like a-a healthy relationship at home, you know?" "You ever flirt around with your lady?" "You know, your lady say-you, like, "come, come on."" "Your lady is, like, "no, no not right now, remember?" "You said that you wanted to take some time to..."" "Huh?" "You know what, run the play again, and run it till you get it right." "Run it!" "Come on, guys." "Ladies, I'm not seeing none of those "R!"" "You know?" "I ain't seeing' none of that." "Let's go." "Come on, people." "Guys, communicate out there." "You gotta know each other like the back of your hand." "Come on, communicate!" "Teamwork!" " Huh?" " What?" "I didn't say stop playin'." "Communicate out there, okay?" "Now you have to talk." "Ellis?" "Let's go, guys." "Move the ball." "Ellis." "Shag 'em and bag 'em." "All right, remember Ellis, you invited me here." "This is all your fault." "What's up?" "You got a problem, son?" "You always pick on me!" "I'm the best player on the team and all you ever do is ride me!" "Okay, you got me fair and square." "I do something wrong, you yell." "And I wonder why that is." "Even if I do it right, you yell at me to do it better." "Hey, kid, you-you got a gift, okay?" "You got potential." "You can actually be someone." "You got what it takes, man." "You get your teammates involved, guess what?" "You win." "Man, you know what?" "You remind me a lot of myself." "Yeah, the whole showboat, basketball, and skills." "You and your mama, that's all you got." "You know, comin' up, that's all I had and we didn't live in the best neighborhood." "It was sort of like the neighborhood you live in." "I just wanna see you do good, man." "That's all." "Coach, I got a problem." "If you don't say anything, they can't make me testify against you." "Okay, I got good lawyers." " No, no, no." " What?" "I-I just got this letter that says I can't play ball." "Won't let you play basketball?" "Why?" "It says I'm academically in-eligible." "Academically inel-el-ligible." "Academically ineligible." "That's what I said." "Academically illegible." "I'm illegible." "Well, I'm your coach." "I'm not your guidance counselor, okay?" "I can't believe I'm doin' this." "What subject did you fail?" "Math." " Add this up, add those up." " But I don't..." "I can't teach Big Mac math." "Why not?" "You scared of her?" "Of course." "Well, so I am, man, but you got to be brave." " Take one for the team." " You?" "I didn't think you were scared of anything." "Hey, courage is just, uh, a well-concealed fear, that's all." "You got to be brave, man." "You got to stick out your chest, get mean!" "Get bad!" "You know?" "Give me the face." "What's the face?" "What's the face?" "Your mean face." "Grr." "Grr." "Give me some growls, not "grr."" " Holler back." " Holler back." " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "We gonna work on that." "You got it." "Look, I don't think I can do this, Coach." "Do you wanna be scared the rest of your life, son?" "No." "Big Mac?" "I would love to teach you math." "Aw, see?" "She's a sweet, young lady." "Ow!" "You tell anyone I'm studying, and I'll injure you." "Ow." "Ow, ow, ow." "First away game today, Walsh." "Where's the bus driver?" "Hmm." "Hello, Roy." "Don't forget to fill up the tank." "You serious?" "Oh, no." "Yeah, I'm serious." "¶ When it comes to basketball, we are the best Say what?" "¶" "¶ When it comes to basketball, there is no contest Say what?" "¶" "¶ When it comes to basketball, it is no contest ¶" "¶ Say what?" "¶ Settle down, settle down." "Guys, Looks like we'll have to forfeit another game." "Okay?" "It's another loss." "Lighten up, Coach." "Why you all mad all the time?" "You know, it takes more muscles to frown than to smile." "Oh!" "Big kiss!" "Great!" "Come on." "How am I supposed to win a couple of games when I can't get us there?" "Out here with a tire, and I got a doggone suit on." "I can't believe this!" "We should help him." "These shoes were 200 bucks." "I ain't going nowhere." "You stay in the van, then." "Yeah, I'm dressed for the occasion." "I dressed to change a tire!" "Well, I'm gonna help him." "Me, too." "I guess I'll help." "Why me?" "What-what have I possibly done?" "Huh?" "Oh, I'm a mentor to the kids." "That's right." "I don't know how to change a tire." "Hey, Coach!" "Wanna give us a hand, or does teamwork only apply to players?" "Newirth, lean your hand forward so we can get the weight on the tire." "Yo come on, let's get outta here." "Smelters suck!" "Oh." "Oh, oh." "All right." "Okay, everybody good?" "All right, let's go play some basketball." "Let's go." "Yeah." "Smelters, y'all go warm up." "And work on that pick-a-roll." "And I don't wanna see ya'll at that Gatorade thing, man;" "Drinking it like it's Kool-Aid." "One Love, let me hollar at you for a second." "Look, I appreciate all the flavor that One Love's going on." "I understand, man." "It's cool." "But you-you-you gotta share the spotlight, you know?" "Most of the nights when Jordan had-had huge numbers, the Bulls lost." "You're so worried about looking good, you're gonna wind up turning into Dennis Rodman, man." "Dennis Rodman." "I'm not saying like that's a good thing, but get out there, work hard, man, and get them rebounds." "You know, you feel good about that." "You feel good about the game." "So what you're saying is that, I'm not really good." "No, man." "I'm not saying that, I'm saying the opposite of that." "I'm saying, you're so good, I wanna give you these." "Yeah, these are my most priced possessions." "Magic Johnson gave me these." "Hey, man, I won every game I wore them in." "Just don't tell nobody." "You know folks, they get a little envious;" "You know, when you jump shots like that." "I promise." "Well, well." "If it isn't Fox Sports Turkey of the Week." "Looking good, Roy." "Larry and I are here scouting the Pioneers." "They are the only real competition in this league." "Wait, is that a girl on your team?" "Girls can't play basketball." "What did you...?" "Somebody get the ice." "What for?" "Oh!" "Look, I know you don't like to back down from a fight, but real power is about being respected." "Not just cracking heads." "Think about it." " All right." " Hey." "Let's go, let's go, let's go." "Do your thing, do your thing." " Hey." " Hey." "I heard what you said to Keith." "Yeah." "I was wrong about you." "And I'm sorry." "Sorry?" "Sorry and let's-go-out-on-a-date sorry?" "'Cause I don't, I don't give out pity dates." "But, times have changed and I can give an exception." "Wow." "You know, you have a pretty smile." "Look, I'm gonna take the Smelters out to get a slurpee." " Mmm-hmm." " Okay?" "I'm gonna have them home by eight." "Can I call you?" "Pump your breaks." "And watch your tempter." "'Cause I'm still watching you, Roy." "And I'm... still watching you." "The Smelters apparently abandoning their usual strategy of getting scored on and instead, choosing to score themselves." "Yes!" "Coach Roy clearly shaking things up, using his new, ingenious scoring offense." "Good word." "Thanks." "Let's go, guys." "Hands up, all right?" "Hands up." "Hands up, guys." "Let's go." "Come on." "Hands up!" "Hands up!" "Let's go, guys." "Hands up!" " Time out." " Time out, guys." "Time out." "You know what?" "Guys, keep your hands up out..." "You know what?" "Hands up!" "Everybody hands up." "Okay." "Yeah." "Hmm." "A little of that." "Okay." "Oh, sweet mother, that's hot!" "Oh, oh, oh!" "Ya'll think it's funny?" "Ya'll think it's funny?" "Here's some for you." "For you." "Now, get out there and play some basketball." "Hands up!" "All right, guys, come on." "Think now." "Use your hands!" "Keep your hands up!" "That's what defense is about." "Block shots, baby." "Come on, now, guys." "All right?" "Now, tank that boy!" "That's how you play defense." "All right, all right, now move on." "Yeah, push it kids, push it." "Yeah!" "Right there!" "Good job, good job." "Love it!" "Yes!" " Time out!" " Time out!" "Time out!" "Time out!" "What'd we do now?" "You're playing basketball, baby." "Yeah!" "Listen, listen." "Smelters on three, all right?" "Let's do this!" "One, two, three, Smelters!" "Yeah!" "Let's go." "Yes!" "You playing basketball, baby." "Yeah." "12, 12." "Zone." "Hands up." "15 seconds left in the game, the Smelters are only down by one." "Which feels the ball?" "Shoot it!" "Shoot it!" "There's ten seconds left in the game." "Shoot it, Wes!" "Shoot it!" "Yes!" "Yeah!" "Okay, that's just wrong." "Sit down, now." "Sorry." "What, what?" "What in God's name just happened?" "All right, guys." "The van's leaving in two minutes, all right?" "Um, Coach." "You forgetting something?" " Um." " Yeah." "Coach, we want..." "Ah, y'all stop messing around." "Okay, look." "I wanna beat rush hour." "So let's get going, okay?" "But my asthma is..." "You understand..." "I don't have the..." "Coach Roy!" "All right, y'all got me good." "All right." "Yeah." "Coach Roy!" "Coach Roy!" "Oh!" "Uh!" "I was thinking you all might like..." "What the..." "Yeah!" "Look at our new uniform!" "Oh!" "These are tight!" " You like it?" " I love it." "No, no, please, no!" "Not the face." "No!" "Let's sit down." "Here." "It's my highest grade ever." ""C" plus." "So, can I keep the skateboard?" "Or...?" " No, it's mine." " Oh." "Ow." "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" "¶ When it comes to basketball, we are the best ¶" "¶ Say what?" "¶ When it comes to basketball, there is no contest ¶" "Oh, guys!" "Come on!" "Yo, don't make me get the Icy Hot." "All right, how's their forward shooting?" "He's throwing nothing but bricks from the outside." "20% last game from beyond the arc." "All they have to do is kick the kid out of the paint." "25 seconds left in the Smelters first-ever play-off game." "Keith passes to One Love." "One Love shoots." "He scores!" "Traveling!" "Basket doesn't count!" "Are you insane?" "How bad a ref do you have to be to call middle school?" "What?" "Was junior varsity too demanding for you?" " Roy!" " Huh?" "Five-five-five-nine-seven..." "It's my phone number!" "Write it down." "Oh!" "It's her number." "It's her number." "Um, go ahead." "Go ahead, go ahead." " Fivefive-five." " Five-five-five." " Nine-seven." " Nine-seven." " Four-one." " Four-one." "Okay!" "Go!" "Yeah!" "We're going to the finals, baby!" "Yeah!" "These were Magic Johnson's." "Have you seen the vertical One Love gets in these?" "Go talk to him." "Hi." "Hi." "He's shy." "I'm Goggles." "I'm the sixth man." "Means I like to ride the pine." "Who's your friend?" "Big Wes." "Yeah, Coach?" "Hey man, you can't run from the ladies forever." "No, no, it's not that." "It's just..." "I kind of have a girlfriend." "Hey." "This is me, man." "This is the coach!" "Trust me." "He has a girlfriend." "And how would you know?" "'Cause I've seen her." "And if you talk to that girl again, you're gonna need a new face." "Okay." "Now, if my teacher looked like you..." "I would have the vocabulary to pay you..." "a decent compliment." "So I'm just gonna say:" "Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm." "No, I ain't finished." "Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm." "Just one more." "Mmm, mmm." "So, I just thought I'd tell you that." "That'll do." "And thank you for dressing up." "Well, you know, my Prada had puke on it, and ice cream," "You know, the kids." "Relax, relax, Roy." "You look very nice." "Thank you, um..." "You know, it's just been a long week." "Why don't you come in?" "Keith!" "Keith, save some for tomorrow, baby." "Come on." "I need you guys to clear this up." "It's getting late." " Laters." " I'm just waitin' to see him pass it back." "Don't step on my flowers." " Thank you, baby." " Your mama did her thing." "Yeah, yeah." "It's all right." " Thank you." " Good night, Coach." "You know, when you first came here," "I had a real bad first impression of you." "But you was dead wrong, right?" "No." "I was dead right." "I mean, you were a spoiled pretty boy, who was handed everything he ever wanted." "You didn't give a damn about coaching basketball, only your suits." "All I'm saying is, look at you now." "Look, uh, this personal attack on my..." "on my personality is it leading up to a kiss or-or a slap?" "'Cause I can't tell yet." "We'll see." "I haven't decided yet." "Yeah." "Coach." " Hey." " Hey." "What you doing here?" "You going to the game?" "Uh, you know, Fuzzy been on fire, man." "Oh." "Good for Fuzzy." "What's a Fuzzy?" "It doesn't matter." "Look, do you check your messages?" "The N.C.B.A. Review, it's today." "They want to reinstate you." "Today the kids got the championship." "I know that." "I worked it out." "Look, the N.C.B.A. Review's not scheduled till four." "The game's at five." "You can make both." "But we gotta move now, huh?" " Seriously?" " Seriously." "Let me get that." "Come on." "Oh, this is lovely." "This must look great on you." "You know, Kenneth, it's about the kids." "I try to instill a good work ethic, but a lot of the parents get a little too wrapped up." "I'm not gonna pretend that doesn't... peeve me off." "It's about the kids." "What are we doing?" "What are we standing around for?" "Let's go!" "I want some drills!" "Come on!" "I'm talking to you!" "Oh, man, stop the car." "What time is it?" "Ten to four." "You're good." "Don't worry about it, okay?" "Go in there and knock 'em dead." "Okay." "What has two thumbs and makes a lot of money?" "Huh?" "This guy!" "Ha?" "If your beverage gets a little warm," "I could cool it off with a little ice." "Huh?" "Excuse me." "Coach Roy's phone." "Roy?" "I'm sorry, this is his representative, Tim Fink." "How can I help you?" "Roy's in a meeting." "A meeting?" "But he has a championship game today." "Right with the..." "Smugglers." "Yeah, well, he's in the N.C.B.A. Review." "Well, can you get him out of the meeting with the N.C.B.A." "Oh, okay." "Just hang on one sec." "I'm not gonna do that." "He's got his career to think about." "And mine." "Okay, this is way more important than some kids playing in a gym with Fuzzies and Goggles." "Well, can you tell him that he's a huge disappointment to me, to my son, to the Fuzzies, to the Goggles and to everybody else who thought he actually cared about something?" "Huge disappointment..." "you and son." "Got it." "And uh, your name is, sweetheart?" "You want my name?" "Listen real close." "Sit down." "Sit down, Roy." "Sorry to keep you waiting." "I just wanna be the first to say, about the whole banning thing..." "my bad." "Those kids of yours are getting more press than Polytech itself." "Well, you know, I'm just glad we could put a few wins under our belts." "You know, it just feels nice to give back to the community." "Yeah, right." "Uh, you know, you got your job back, Roy." "You can drop the P.R. routine." "But that was brilliant, the way you used those kids." "Nice going." "You just have to sign here, Coach, and you get your old life back." "You know, these kids, man." "They really taught me a lot." "And they've made me a better coach." "Better than I ever was." "I-I-I think I see where this is going." "I swear to you, Roy, we're giving you everything you want." "Nah, nah." "I don't..." "I don't think you know what I mean." "Listen." "Look, thanks for the offer, man, but I already got a team." "I'm the coach, man, of the Mount Vernon Smelters." "And I'm proud of that." "Okay?" "Are you out of your mind?" "No." "I'm not outta my mind." "I found a group of kids that love the game of basketball, the way I loved the game basketball." "You know?" "So damn the fame, man." "You know, I don't care nothing about the year's supply of deodorant." "I just wanna have fun and teach these kids, man." "So, thank you very much." "I have a team to go coach." "We're in the finals, and you're making me late." "Wish me luck, will you?" "Roy!" "How'd we do?" "Coach, it's rush hour." "You're never gonna make it across town." "It's gonna take you an hour!" "Okay." "Let me get my stuff." "You got to get back on D." "What?" "You don't tell me what to do." "You are not our coach!" "We don't have one." "Yes!" "Oh!" "Blocking foul." "Smelter." ""Late" Carl once again making a disappointing call against the Smelters." "After calls like that, you gotta wonder if the league brass pressured him to keep this game close." "Oh, my God, he's here." "Coach Roy!" "I thought you got your team back." "This is my team, baby." "Yeah!" "Whoa." "Whoa!" "I was so right about you." "I mean, from before, when I told you that you were egomaniac." "'Cause no, not last night." "Last night I was wrong." "Oh." "All right, all right!" "But you came back." "Okay, never mind the message." "Bye." "Yes!" "Hey, Carl." "Delay of game." "Let's go!" "Time out!" "Guys." "All right, guys." "Listen up." "This is important." "All right, Ralph, how many quarters did you play?" "Two." "How many times did you puke today?" "None." "You're a regular Michael Jordan." "Big Mac." "I'm proud of you." "Congratulations." "Passing math." "Give her a round of applause." "Yeah!" "You know, you even got Keith passing." "He's actually coming out on the court and passing the ball." "You." "Big Wes." "Yes." "The ladies' man!" "Um... hey, keep doin' your thing." "Big center, right?" "Fuzzy." "Man, that defense thing you doing?" "I'm loving that." "That's what wins games." " You feel me?" " Yeah." "And look, guys, no matter what the scoreboard says," "I want you to know, you are all winners." "Have fun, all right?" "I love this game, and I know you do." "So go out here and crush them, and have fun doing it." "Smelters on three." " Yeah!" " Let's do this!" "One, two, three!" "Smelters!" "Yes!" "The team is in the zone." "They have blown their old per-game averages out of the water." " Even Ralph scored?" " No." "But he's keeping his hands up." "Go, Ralph!" "Go." "Way to go." "Go, Ralph!" "Jump in his 12!" "Jump in his 12!" "Hey!" "Hey, hey, hey." "Earth to Carl." "Earth to Carl." "You gonna call that?" "Offensive charge." "Oh!" "You got to be kidding me!" "Just wanna say you doing a real good job." "Yeah, I know I'm doing a good job, but it's still nice to hear it once in a while." "I just read this book saying you should give yourself pats on the back." "Daddy never gave me these pats I needed." "You know, Daddy never..." "Blah, blah, blah, blah." "This guy's as blind as my dead grandma, twice as slow!" "Hey, why don't you just relax?" "Man, it's just a game." "Oh, yeah." "It's just the game?" "This is the state championships!" "You slap him with a "T," idiot, or go back to Foot Locker." "I got a technical." "Smelters shoot two." "I'm doing good." "Yeah!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Two shots." "One shot." "Time out." "Come here." "All right." "Here we go, guys." "Listen." "Communicate out there, okay?" "Work together as a team." "And the other thing I want to say was, next year..." "I'll be back to take you all to the championships." "That's right." "That's right." "Now, Smelters on three." "Stop playing." "One, two, three." "Smelters!" "Keith, you're the captain." "I know, I know." "Pass it, pass it." "No, I wasn't gonna say that." "I want you to trust yourself." "That's what I was gonna say." "Trust yourself." "Do your thing." "No!" "Foul!" "Smelters shoot two." "Yeah!" "Yes!" "Yes." "You can't..." "You can't blow the whistle when the game is over!" "But I just did do that!" "No one tells me what to do." "I'm an authority figure." "You better step back there." "Two shots." "Yeah!" "Yes!" "Oh, hell." "One shot." "Yeah!" "Woo!" "Yes!" " Woo!" " Yeah!" "Number one, baby!" "Hey." "Listen, um." "There's a message on your machine that I want to talk about." "What did it say?" "Well, basically, in my own words..." "Yeah." "This." "Oh, wow." "You know what you said about me?" "Mmmhmm." "You were right." "You were dead on." "What can I say?" "I'm a teacher." " Yeah." " Mmm-hmm."