"Okay, this is threaded." "Here, you take this." "Okay." "I got this." "You take this." " Okay." " Wait a minute." " Oh, God." " Okay." "All right, now... click it in." "Okay, push it." "(straining):" "I am pushing." "No, push it down." "I am..." "pushing it down!" " Okay, I think that's it." " (seat belt clicks)" " (groans) Okay." " Okay." " Let me get mine in." " Okay." "And tighten her up." " Good." " (panting):" "Like that." " All right, let me just take..." " Yeah." " Take up the slack. (groans)" " Okay." "(screams) You're cutting me in half!" "I'm gonna release my sides!" " Ow!" "Oh." " Oh." "Oh, Mol!" "(panting)" "Honey... can we please just take this thing to the fire station where they will install it for free?" "Yeah, maybe they'll do it for you shirtless, too." "(chuckles) Don't worry." "You're still my first responder of choice." "Thank you." "You believe it?" "Three weeks, we're gonna have a baby in this thing." "You're gonna be a mom." "You're gonna be a dad." "Mama." "(foreign accent):" "Papa." "(chuckles)" "Okay, well, let's get this damn car seat in so Mom and Dad aren't gonna have to walk baby six miles home from the hospital." "You know what?" "You have been working really hard on this." "Why don't you just... go take a nap or something, and I'll, I'll give this another shot." "You want to try to do this alone?" "(whispering):" "Just go take a nap." "Okay, but don't take it to Firehouse Seven... those guys know me." "♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪" "♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪" "♪ For the first time in my life ♪" "♪ I see love ♪" "♪ I see love ♪" "♪ For the first time in my life ♪" "♪ I see love ♪" "(phone ringing)" "Ugh." "Hello." "Yeah, this is Molly Flynn." "What?" "No, no, she's not due for another three weeks." "What?" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God, okay, we're on our way." " Mike, get up!" " (groans)" "What's going on?" "It's go time." "The baby's coming." "Our baby?" "Yes, our baby." "Who else's baby?" "Come on!" "I heard the phone." "What's going on?" "The baby's coming." "Wh... your baby?" "Yes, my baby." "What is the matter with you people?" " Get dressed." " Oh, my God." "Well, sure, I'll cut the grass." "What the hell is he talking about?" "He couldn't sleep, so he took an Ambien." "Well, the van's leaving in 90 seconds." "Get Magoo ready." "Okay, baby's coming, baby's coming." "Grandma doesn't like it when you squeeze the puppy." "Okay." "No more sleeping pills." "Get him dressed!" "Victoria!" "The baby's coming." "We got to go!" "We got to go!" "What are you doing?" "I'm hungry." "No, there's no time for eating." "Not even a bowl of cereal?" "No." "This better not be another drill." "Hey, do you see me holding a stopwatch?" "This is the real deal." "Let's go." "(exhales sharply)" "Baby's coming?" "Not you two again." "I would've told you sooner, but sneaking around behind your back makes it hotter." "(groans)" "Okay, the van's leaving in 30 seconds." "I've known about this for, like, two weeks." "Let's go!" "Oh." "(groans) Take it easy." "I'm getting carsick." "Well, if you'd have had a bowl of cereal with me, it would've settled your stomach." "Don't start." "I'm sure you all got questions about what's going on between Victoria and me." "Yeah, that's exactly what we're all thinking as we speed to the hospital to adopt a baby." "Then, to ease your mind, it's purely sexual." "Mm-hmm." "Our kinks just click." "I'm the ying to his Wang." " (groans)" " MOLLY:" "Ew." "(breathing heavily)" "I really do think I'm gonna get sick." "Okay, okay, just-just, uh, breathe, okay?" "Take short, shallow breathes." "(breathes rapidly)" " (mimics breathing)" " Good." "You know what?" "I-I actually do feel better." "Yeah, it got me through diarrhea at Disney World." "Ugh!" " (tires screeching)" " Ow." "Where are you going?" "Stay on Cicero." "She'd kill me if I didn't stop." "Your mother?" "There is no time." "If we don't bring her along, we will hear about it for the rest of our lives." "Okay, there she is." "(door slides open)" "Where am I supposed to sit?" "We could take out the baby seat." "BOTH:" "No!" "Oh, for God's sake." "No worse than coach on Delta." "We're here!" "We're here." "We're here." "They called us." "We came." "We're here." "What do we do?" "I'm gonna need a little more information." "Okay, okay." "The woman that is having our baby is having our baby." "(laughs)" "Okay, still need a little more." " Oh, my God." " Okay, I got it, I got it." "Okay, uh, we are here to meet our, uh, adoption advocate, and her name is... written on a card on my nightstand!" "But you had time for cereal." " Don't do that right now." " I'm just saying." " Don't-don't..." " I'll handle this." "I've got $22 here." "I'll give you $11 now and $11 when you cough up the baby." "That's okay, I just need a name to work with." "Name, name, Puddin' Tain." "Ask me again and I'll tell you the same." "Get him out of here!" "Are you the Flynn-Biggs family?" "Yes. (laughs) That's us." "Nice to meet you, I'm your adoption advocate." "(sighs) Is the baby here?" "Not yet, but the mother is in labor." "You guys need to stay close because it could happen at any minute." "Take this." "It'll buzz and let you know when we're ready for you." "It's cool, like waiting for a table at Chili's." "(laughs)" "Except it's your child." "This is very exciting." "Thank you so much." "(both chuckle)" "If it's a girl, we're gonna name her after you." "Oh, great." "My name is Blanche." " Do you have a middle name?" " Okay." "All right, okay." "No, no, no, we're good..." "Holy crap." "Where am I?" "In the... in the hospital." "Am I going in or being released?" "We're waiting for your test results, it doesn't look good." "I brought fresh bagels." " Courtesy of Abe's." " MOLLY:" "Aw." "Oh, great, did you bring cream cheese and some fresh fruit?" "You're welcome." "Hey, Nana, so glad you could come." "I wouldn't miss this for anything." "Here, I brought something for the baby." "Aw, I love it." "Thank you." "Mm-hmm." "Aw." "These eyes are a choking hazard." " Get rid of it." " Mm." "Oh, hell no!" "You back with the drama queen?" "Yes, I am." "I was talking to her." "Listen, have you thought about your living arrangements for after the baby's born?" "Well, we figured the baby would sleep in our room for a little bit, and then we'll move him into the nursery." "Ugh, that'll never work." "You're all on top of each other over there." "Why don't you move in with me?" "I got plenty of room in my house, and everyone is sober." "Is that a shot at me?" "Oh, good, you were listening." "Listen, sweetheart, at least my home has some joy in it." "Unlike the house you currently haunt." "Joy?" "You mean pills, pot, and fornication?" "Like raising my baby at a Sandals resort." "Okay, okay, okay." "We're not moving." "I think what my daughter is too nice to say is:" "Butt out." "Mom, stay out of it." "Yeah, stick to what you know:" "Orgies and edible underpants." "Keep talking and I'll slap that Poligrip right out of your mouth." "Why don't we take this outside, Red?" "Why don't we do this right here, Whiskers?" "Okay." "(yelling and clamoring)" "Snap you like a string bean!" " Enough, enough!" " (yelling stops)" "God." "You guys don't stop it, I will lock that baby up, and none of you will ever see it." "(clears throat)" "Hey!" "Hey." "Hey, Blanche." "Blanchey-Blanche." "Big B!" "Hey." "Do you want a bagel?" "Is everything okay in here?" "Oh, yeah." "It's great, we're just playing a lively game of... pass the grandma." " I win!" " ALL:" "Yay!" "Yeah, were just, uh, very anxious for some news." "Well, the mother is still in labor and it looks like it's going to be a while." "I'd normally say, "Just keep doing what you're doing," but... (chuckles) Oh, yeah." "We're just, you know, blowing off... steam and having... having fun." "We're good." "Okay, well, I'll check back in a little bit." "You know, the name Blanche is really starting to grow on us." "MIKE:" "You guys better straighten up." "(all arguing)" "(sighs)" "What are you doing out here?" "Taking a break from my loved ones." " (all arguing)" " Yeah, I don't know what you were thinking, bringing us all here." "(chuckles)" "Okay, so look, I got your mom settled in the cafeteria." "Jell-O seemed to soothe that savage beast." "Thanks, pal." "Oh." "Here." "Got you some cigars so you can hand them out." "(chuckles)" "Yeah, the guy at the gift shop said they were Cuban, but I don't believe him." "They're perfect." "Thanks, buddy." "I appreciate it." "In fact," "I appreciate everything you've done." "You're very welcome." "You've been with me every step of the way." "Mm-hmm." "When I met Molly, when we got married, and now that I'm about to become a dad." "(soft chuckle)" " How about that?" " (chuckles)" "I could not ask for a better friend or a better partner." "And, oh," "Molly and I would like you to be the godfather of our child." "Man, I'd be honored." "Hey, you know I'd do anything for that baby, right?" "Oh, I don't doubt that for a second." "I love you, Carl." "I know." "You're not gonna say it back?" "Now you know how it feels." " Oh, come on." " (laughs)" "(babies cooing)" "Since they can't hear us, which one do you think is the cutest?" "All of them." "I want to take all of them home." "I mean, this is why I can't go into animal shelters." "It's hard to believe that you're gonna have a baby of your own soon." "I feel..." "I feel completely... ready and... totally unprepared all at the same time." "And nauseous." "Ooh." "(breathing heavily):" "I think that the butterflies are actually caught in the knots in my stomach." "Honey, what are you worried about?" "You're gonna be the best mom." "God, I hope so." "I know so." "And if it ever gets too much," "I'm gonna be there for you." "Except weekends." "And mornings." " Other than that, I'm there for you." " (chuckles)" "Okay." " Hey." " Hey." "I apologize for flying off the handle at Peggy like that." "This is your day." "Thank you." "But her day is coming." "Mom!" "Sorry, sorry." "From now on, I'm on my best behavior." "Good, 'cause I need you here." "I wasn't prepared for all this waiting." "I mean, first thing I'm gonna teach this kid is the importance of being on time." "Well, some babies are stubborn." "You sure were." "Ugh. 22 hours of labor." "(scoffs) I don't know how many times" "I waddled down that hallway, had a cigarette, went back to the room, waiting for you to arrive." " (chuckling):" "Okay." " Oh, God." "What about me?" "You shot out like a bad clam." "I just want all this waiting to be over," "I want to take that little baby home, and I just want to stop worrying." "(chuckling):" "Oh." "My sweet, naive girl, you..." "You're gonna be a mom." "You got a lifetime of worrying ahead of you." "When they learn to walk, learn to drive... date a cop." "You got to admit, that one turned out pretty good." "That one turned out great." "So, Victoria." "You next?" "Oh, God, no." "I don't think I ever want a baby." "Mm." "Good luck." "That's exactly what I said." "I mean, Victoria and I said we were keeping it casual, but I'd be a liar if I didn't admit some of those old feelings were starting to resurface." "I'd be a liar if I said I was listening." "Hey, how's it going?" "Hey, great." "(chuckling):" "It's a miracle you're a nice person." "Ma, listen." "You don't have to say anything, I get it." "Thank you." "Once again, you chose that family over your own mother." "All I ask is, when the baby's old enough to understand death, you show him my headstone." "Don't be ridiculous." "So you won't even do that for me?" "Why are you being like this?" "You're about to be a grandma." "Isn't it something even you can enjoy?" "For how long?" "Once you get the baby in that house," "I'll never get to see it again." "That is not true." "Why would you even think that?" "'Cause I know how I am." "I'm a lot to take, Mikey." "You don't see it because you're my son." "I know I'm gonna say something awful to your wife's family," "(voice breaking):" "And then they won't let me see my grandchild." "Ma, there is nothing that you could say or do that's gonna keep you from that baby." "You promise?" "Yes, but please don't take that as a challenge." "(buzzing)" "(sniffles) Oh." "Is that your phone?" "Oh." "It's happening." "Our table's ready!" "I mean, the baby's ready!" "Go get your wife." "Run, Mikey, run!" "Molly!" "Molly!" "Molly!" "Molly!" "Molly!" "Mol!" "Hey, stranger." "Hey, Harry." "Have you seen Molly?" "Sure did." "In the gift shop." "Got it." "Gift shop, okay." "Uh, no, no, no." "She was in the gift shop." "Where is she now?" " It's kind of a funny story..." " Where?" " Uh, she's in the bathroom." " Oh." "Mol." "Mike." "The baby's here." "The baby's here." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "(panting):" "Where's Mikey?" "It's kind of a funny story." "Idiot." "I'm just saying, it's not just me that's the godfather to this child." "You know, I have the title and it's very prestigious." "But we're all in this together, you know?" "So we got to come together as a team, behave like adults, and support Mike and Molly in this new chapter of their life." "But remember, as godfather, you got to run all that by me first." "He just keeps talking." "Since he was eight months old." "His first word was a paragraph." "I don't want to make a big deal of it, but the baby and I have the same birthday." "Oh, happy birthday." "Can I have a balloon?" "No." "Thank you, Joyce." "Hmm?" "For what?" "For taking this stray dog in and making him a part of this crazy family." "Aw, Vince." "I don't know if it's a compliment or an insult, but you fit right in." "(chuckles)" "Look what we found." "(chuckles)" "I'd like to present" "William Michael Biggs." "(inhales, sniffles)" "Look at our grandson." "He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." "I was wrong." "I do want one of those." "I'm glad to hear it because you're gonna be his godmother." " (gasps)" " And I am gonna need you on weekends and mornings." "Oh." "I got to..." " I got to sit down." " Oh, okay, okay." "You okay, sweetie?" "Yeah." "Well, I mean..." "You know how you hear those stories about people that can't have a baby and then they end up adopting." "Once all the pressure is kind of off of them, they end up getting pregnant." " No." " (chuckling):" "Yeah." "I'm pregnant." "(all cheering and laughing)" "I've been feeling so nauseous lately, and I thought it was just nerves." "And then I went downstairs and I got a te-test from the pharmacy." " (sniffles) Yeah." " JOYCE:" "Oh, God." "Oh, God, we're gonna have to put in another car seat." "(baby coos)" "Mol, it's 2:00 a.m." "(whispering):" "Already?" " (gasps)" " You can't do this every night." "(whispering):" "But I want to." "Come on." "You're pregnant." "You need to get your sleep." "I like watching him." "Oh." "I can't believe all this is happening." "I can." "I've known it since the first time I saw you." " (softly):" "Mike." " I'm serious." "I said, "That is the woman I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life with."" "What about the cramped house full of mental patients?" "That I didn't see coming." "But I wouldn't change a thing." "(softly):" "Not a thing." " I love you." " I love you." "(baby fusses)" "Oh." "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." "♪ La, da-da-dee-da ♪" "BOTH: ♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪" "♪ For the first time in my life ♪" "♪ I see love ♪" "♪ I see love. ♪"