"Wow, a little bit left." "Mom's slowing down." "And Victoria's picking up the slack." "(rumbling outside)" "Oh, God." "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!" "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!" "Ow!" "No, no!" "Come on!" "Where's the key?" "(sighs)" "(doorbell ringing)" "Victoria, wake up!" "I'm locked out!" "Victoria!" "God!" "She's probably in a Chardonnay coma." "Ooh!" "Victoria!" "Victoria!" "Victoria, wake up!" "Ooh!" "Come on, wake up!" "(grunts)" "Oh, no, no, no!" "(groaning)" "Mol, what are you doing out here?" "The door!" "Get the door!" "Get the door!" "No!" "It's fine." "There's a key under the gnome." "But Drunk Thing One and Drunk Thing Two never put it back." "Now, what are we gonna do?" "Because I'm freezing." "Just stay calm." "All right?" "The worst thing... the worst thing we can do is panic." "There was no other option." "Better call Mom and tell her we need a new window." "What?" "You had a phone?" "Yeah, just give me a minute." "You...!" "♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪" "♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪" "♪ For the first time in my life ♪" "♪ I see love ♪" "♪ I see love ♪" "♪ For the first time in my life ♪" "♪ I see love ♪" "Damn it, this is gonna cost a couple of hundred bucks to fix." "Oh, I'm sorry, we could've died out there." "Oh, please!" "At most you would have lost a toe to frostbite." "(groans)" "And my poor, little gnome!" "If it makes you feel better, he went quick." "What were you doing out there, anyway?" "I was taking out the trash from you and Victoria's Alcoholics Unanimous meeting." "Well, why didn't you go to the neighbor's house?" "For the same reason we weren't invited to the block party." "They hate us." "Well, I hope this is a lesson for you." "What lesson?" "Don't chase a garbage truck down the street with a bag full of your mother's empties?" "No." "You break it, you buy it." "That really isn't a lesson, that's more store policy." "Well, whatever it is," "I know I'm not gonna see a dime." "Well, based on what you drank last night," "I'm amazed you can see anything." "I guess I'll just add a gnome and a window to the $3,800 you owe me." "Hey, this is not all on me." "Victoria was there, too." "And you're the one who took the spare key." "I was locked out." "Do you have any idea how cold it is outside?" "Don't worry, Mom, I'll write you a check for my part of the window, but I wanted to use a brick, so the gnome blood is on her hands." "I think you're doing the right thing." "Getting some plywood." "Taking care of the window." "That's 'cause I'm always doing the right thing." "I'm the only one responsible in that house." "And yet she holds that $3,800 debt over my head like it was the Sword of Damocles." "Oh, I never saw that." "Is that like a Jason and the Argonauts movie?" "It's Greek mythology." "My mom dangles that money sword over my head." "And just..." "she's just waiting for me to make the slightest mistake." "Look, if it's bugging you that much, why don't we just get rid of the debt?" "'Cause we can't afford to." "We kind of can." "What?" "You remember when our car insurance increased and my transmission went out?" "Those things didn't happen." "(gasps)" "Have you been hiding money from me?" "Well, wouldn't you?" "God, I love you." "How much do we have?" "Well, enough to cover the $3,800." "Let's just leave it at that." "Can we really do this?" "Can we...?" "Can I get that little red-headed monkey off of my back?" "Well, we'll be robbing Peter to pay Joyce, but what the hell?" "Thank you." "Oh!" "Sorry!" "Tell it to the guy that used to be on the motorcycle!" "Oh, no, he's fine." "He's giving us the finger." "You want the tire tread inside or out?" "Out..." "let the neighbors look at it." "They hate us anyway." "Okay, here is your new gnome." "And a little something extra." "What's this?" "My debt to you, plus my portion of the window." "We are clean." "Tabula rasa." "Wow, this is unexpected." "I know." "And you're welcome." "Well, Molly, you don't have to do this." "I know you guys can't afford it." "Let's let it ride a little longer." "No, no, real..." "I really want to pay you back what I owe you." "No, I don't feel comfortable taking money from you right now." "No... it's yours." "Just take the check, Mom." "Don't be ridiculous." "You keep it." "What if you just gave the money to charity?" "Stay out of it." "The check'll probably bounce anyway." "I wrote it." "Take the check, Joyce!" "Yeah, take the check, Joyce." "I don't want to owe you anything anymore." "Oh, oh, well, if that's the case, it's gonna take a lot more than 3,800 bucks." "Well, what is that supposed to mean?" "Well, you live here for free." "I mean, what about rent, utilities, property tax, homeowner's insurance, water bill?" "Yeah, are we gonna start adding stuff up?" "'Cause I do dishes, I do the laundry," "I pick up dry cleaning, I pick up your prescriptions." "I pick up all the empty wine bottles around here that you're not supposed to be mixing with the prescriptions I pick up!" "Well, if you're gonna be around the house all day, you might as well make yourself useful." "Plus, you owe me four grand." "That's what I'm trying to repay!" "Why?" "You're just gonna need more." "And come crawling back to the Bank of Mama." "Hey, I don't crawl!" "I take your money with my head held high!" "Okay, well, I can't win with you." "I borrow money from you, I'm wrong." "I try to pay you back, I'm wrong." "Oh, here we go again." "What "again"?" "I have never tried to pay you back before!" "Because you're irresponsible." "Me?" "You pay the kid that shovels our walk with beer." "It's called bartering." "Which I do to save money so my unemployed daughter can have a roof over her head and clothes on her back." "What would I do without Mommy, huh?" "I bet I couldn't even survive." "JOYCE:" "You wouldn't." "Oh, yeah, you want to bet?" "Sure, you want me to loan you the money so you can make that bet?" "Mike, pack your bag." "We're leaving." "Oh, Mom, come on!" "Relax, she'll be back in a day." "No, I won't!" "We're leaving for good." "And I'll leave my house key here." "You can shove that up your gnome." "I guess I'm leaving." "Looks like it." "I'm gonna miss you, buddy." "Joyce, what's for dinner?" "Did you see the look on her face?" "She did not think I was gonna move out." "I got to be honest." "I didn't think so, either." "I just stuffed a couple towels in my duffel bag for effect." "I mean, who is she to say I can't make it out there?" "I mean, look at us." "We are making it fine." "Fine?" "We got no money and nowhere to go." "And we got to roll through the stop signs so the car don't stall." "Mike, there have been so many people that started out with less and ended up in amazing places." "Let's just see where the road takes us." "(door opens)" "I always knew this day would come." "Come on." "(chuckles)" "I love what you haven't done with the place." "Just a warning." "These walls are paper thin." "If you're planning on playing grab-ass, just know I can hear and feel everything as if I was in the bed with you." "Wow, that's... that's an effective speech." "Hey, thanks for putting us up, Ma." "Night." "Yeah, thanks, Peggy, and I know it's last-minute notice, but it's nice to know we can count on family." "Well, I love my boy." "(door closes)" "You, too!" "Kind of fun, huh?" "Sleeping in your old bed." "Ah, congratulations, you're the first girl to ever make it up here." "You couldn't get them past the warden, huh?" "No, there just weren't any girls." "Aw!" "You know, I've got to say..." "pretty generous of your mom to let us move in here like this." "Move in?" "I thought it was just for one night." "No, Mike, I can't go back there." "I've lived there too long." "It's time for me to grow up." "(video game music plays)" "Stupid lava!" "Oh!" "I thought you said I was the only girl." "Ooh!" "Put those away." "You're gonna get me in trouble." "PEGGY:" "I know about his boobie mags!" "Mike, ten more minutes and the game goes off." "Okay, Ma!" "Don't worry, I'll just turn the sound down until her sleeping pill kicks in." "(vacuum running nearby)" "(groans)" "Peggy?" "Dirty." "Everything's so dirty." "It's 3:00 in the morning." "Put me on your shoulders so I can see the parade." "Oh... what?" "Oh, I'd better go chop wood." "We're gonna have to put that pig down." "Oh, oh, okay, okay, okay." "Let's get you back to bed." "Okay, I like you." "Wow." "I'm gonna have to get you some more sleeping pills." "Here we go." "No, here we go." "Don't leave me." "They'll come back." "Nobody's coming back." "Let's just, let's just go nighty night." "We got to stay together." "If all hell breaks loose, we'll have to make bullets." "Well, we'll make bullets first thing in the morning." "And I'll put one in my head." "Please lay with me." "Or the Dark Angel comes and eats my dreams." "Okay." "No... no." "God, you're strong." "What did you take..." "PCP?" "Oh!" "Ow!" "Hey, hey, hey." "Sing me a song, Juney." "♪ Oh, Mike ♪" "♪ If you can hear me ♪" "♪ Get in here ♪" "♪ Mike!" "♪" "What the hell's going on?" "Your mom is whacked out on sleeping pills." "Help me!" "Oh, I've been through this before." "Last time, she drove her car, woke up on skid row waiting in line for free cheese." "Oh, God." "Yeah, it's best if somebody stays with her." "Yeah..." "Don't you dare." "Don't you dare... don't you...!" "Mike!" "It's gonna be a bad year for soybeans." "(groans) Just go to sleep." "Okay." "(video game music playing)" "Son of a bitch." "This is ridiculous." "I moved out of that house the second I graduated high school." "20 years later, I'm full circle." "back in my old bed, playing video games, not getting laid." "You just described my weekend." "Hey, what do you say we pull some overtime tonight?" "No, that's a little last minute, don't you think?" "Come on, we won't have to work that long." "Just until my mom pops her sleeping pill and heads to bed." "I don't know." "Why you got to drag me into your domestic squabbles?" "I don't tangle you up in my personal affairs." "Because you don't have any." "Hey, just because I pay for it doesn't mean it's not personal." "All right, all right, I'm sorry." "But I can't go back to my mother's house." "I'd rather spend 16 hours in a stinky squad car, listening to you blabber on about nothing hour after hour." "I choose you." "You choose me?" "Yeah." "See, that's how you ask for a favor." "Sorry, Samuel, I'm busy tonight." "Thank you, Mike." "Ooh, yeah." "Get in there." "What the hell is happening?" "Jim's cleaning my feet." "Well, make him stop!" "Oh, I forgot, you're not a dog person." "No, I love dogs." "(stammers)" "Dogs are not supposed to be doing that." "This one does." "Loves it." "And my athlete's foot hasn't flared up since he started" "(baby voice):" "Cleaning Mama's tootsies." "Hey." "Hey, where have you been?" "Overtime." "You know where I've been?" "I've been in hell." "I cannot recover from what I've seen." "Hey." "One day." "18 years." "(laughing)" "I thought waking up in your mother's arms would be the worst part of my day." "Don't worry, I deleted those pictures." "You know, I tried to take a bath to get away, and she followed me in." "Yeah, she took that lock off the door when I was 13." "And she sat there pointing out suspicious moles." "I-I told her to get out, but she wouldn't listen." "She ended up asking me to leave so she could use the toilet." "Hey, I'm not the one that's keeping us here." "Well, what other options do we have?" "Can we please just go back to your mom's house?" "No!" "I can't go back." "You... you heard what I said to my mom." "So what?" "Just apologize." "No, I have nothing to apologize for." "Hey, if there's one thing" "I've learned since I've been married, sometimes you have to admit when you're wrong." "Even when you know you're right." "When have you ever done that?" "Every argument we've had!" "Come on, Jim." "What else?" "!" "Jim!" "Jim!" "Jim!" "You know if anything happens to that dog, your mother's gonna blame me." "Well..." "Well, what?" "We wouldn't be on this walk or at my mom's house if you weren't so stubborn." "Stubborn?" "Oh, really?" "Aw!" "No, no, no, no!" "Are we doing this, huh?" "No face, no groin!" "Anything else goes!" "(Jim barking)" "Jim!" "Jim!" "Wait, I hear, I hear him." "I just don't see him." "I think he's in that snow pile." "Here, start digging." "Jim!" "Jim!" "Jim!" "Oh, my God!" "Thank God you're okay." "Oh, my God." "Oh, no, no, no!" "I know where that tongue has been." "No!" "(doorbell rings)" "Hey, Vince." "We lost Jim in the snow near here." "And we got to get him warmed up." "You-you mind if we come in?" "As the man of the house... uh, let me check with Joyce." "Well, don't just stand there." "Come in." "Molly, get in here." "You'll freeze outside." "I'm fine." "Oh, you're freezing." "Come on in." "Maybe just for a minute." "Hey, I-I'm gonna go boil some water." "Vince, you want to give me a hand?" "Hand?" "All you got to do is fill a pot and put it on the stove." "Vince." "Oh, so they can be alone." "Oh, how long was he out there?" "We were looking for him for about 40 minutes." "Poor thing." "His little paws are like ice." "Oh, I hope they're okay." "I mean, I can..." "I can barely feel my own paws." "I bet it's awful out there." "It is." "Can we just forget everything that we said and go back to the way we were?" "It's already forgotten." "Here." "Thanks." "I did cash that check, though." "Oh." "It cleared." "Really?" "Cool." "So, how bad was it at your mother-in-law's?" "Could you just hold me?" "Boy, it's great to have you back in the house." "I never realized how much I blamed on you." "Toilet seats, eating leftovers, all my miscellaneous smells." "I had no idea how happy I'd be to be back." "But living at my mom's has a way of putting things in perspective." "Like a life-threatening disease or a kidney stone." "Hey, that looks pretty good." "♪MISSING LINE♪" " See you, fellas." " BOTH:" "Bye!" "You know what?" "I don't mind the wood." "Me either."