"Friday, 30 November, 1962" "Waking up begins with saying "am" and "now"." "Jennifer, I'm not gonna tell you again." "For the past eight months waking up has actually hurt." "The cold realization that I'm still here slowly sets in." "I was never teribly fond of waking up." "I was never one to jump out of bed and greet the day with a smile like Jim was." "I used to want to punch him sometimes in the morning he was so happy." "I always used to tell him that only fools greet the day with a smile that only fools possibly escape the simple truth." "That now isn't simply now." "It's a cold reminder." "One day later than yesterday." "One year later than last year." "And that sooner or later it will come." "He used to laugh at me and then give me kiss on the cheek." "It takes time in the morning for me to become George." "The time to adjust to what is expected of George and how he is to behave." "By the time I have dressed and put the final layer of polish on the now slightly stiff but quite perfect George I know fully what part I'm supposed to play" "Looking in the mirror staring back at me isn't so much as a face as the expression of a predicament." "Just get through the goddamn day." "A bit melodramatic, I guess." "But then again my heart has been broken." "I feel as if I am sinking, drowning can't breathe." "Aren't you going to say something?" "Are you kidding?" "It's spectacular." "What are you doing?" "Just stop it." "Stop it." "I don't think that you're quite ready for life in a glass house." "Drapes, old man." "You're the one who is always saying that we are invisible." "That's not exactly what I meant." "For the first time in my life I can't see my future." "Every day goes by in a haze." "But today I have decided will be different." "Finally." "You know it's been raining here all day." "I've been trapped in this house waiting for you to call." "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number." "I'm calling for Mr. George Falconer." "I'm sorry, I was expecting someone else." "Yes sir, you have indeed called the correct number." "How may I help you?" "This is Harold Ackerley." "I'm Jim's cousin." "Of course." "Yes, good evening Mr. Ackerley." "I'm afraid I'm calling with some bad news." "There has been a car accident." "An accident?" "There has been a lot of snow here lately and the roads have been icy." "On his way into town, Jim lost control of his car." "It was instantaneous apparently." "It happened late yesterday, but his parents didn't want to call you." "I see." "In fact, they don't that I'm calling you now." "But I thought that you should know." "Thank you." "I know this must be quite a shock." "It was for all of us." "Yes, indeed." "Will there be a service?" "The day after tomorrow." "Well, I suppose I should get off the phone and book a plane flight." "The service is just for family." "For family, of course." "Well, thank you for calling." "Mr. Ackerley?" "Yes?" "May I ask what happened to the dogs?" "Dogs?" "There was a dog with him but he died." "Was there another one?" "Yes, there was a small female." "I don't know, I'm sorry." "I haven't heard anyone mentioning another dog." "Well, thank you for calling Mr. Ackerley." "Goodbye, Mr. Falconer." "Hello, Charley." "How did you know it was me?" "Charlotte, nobody else calls me before eight in the morning." "I didn't call too early, did I?" "You sound grumpy." "No, I have a headache." "Listen, I was going to call you actually." "Is it too late to change my mind about tonight." "No, of course not." "I haven't seen you all week." "I'm dying for a dose of you." "I know, I'm sorry." "So great, I'll see you tonight." "I have to run." "I'm late for the work." "I'll call you later from school." "Alright, I see you then." "Bye, kiddo." "Bye, old man." "Good morning, Mr. George." "Sir, you don't look so good today." "Good morning, Alva." "No, I didn't sleep very well." "You forgot to take the bread out of the freezer this morning." "It stays fresh that way." "It was a little too fresh this morning." "There are some papers laid out on my desk which need to stay there." "Please don't move them." "I'm afraid my pen leaked all over the bed." "It's okay, sir." "Alva?" "Yes, sir?" "Thank you, you're a wonderful." "This government, as promised, has maintained the closest surveillance of the Soviet military buildup on the Island of Cuba." "Within the past week unmistakable evidence has established the fact..." "Professor Falconer?" "Yes?" "There was a student here this morning asking for your address." "My address?" "Did you give it to him?" "Yes, sir." "I did." "I hope that's okay." "I realize that I probably shouldn't have but he was very nice." "Before I knew it he..." "Your hair looks great up like that." "I really fits suits you." "You always look so beautiful really fresh..." "You have such a lovely smile." "Arpege?" "Sir?" "Really beautiful." "...that a series of offensive missile sites..." "Good morning, Don." "Good morning, George." "Good morning, George." "Good morning, Grant." "You look awful." "What have you been doing?" "Look around you, Grant." "Most of these students aspire to nothing more than corporate job and a desire to raise coke-drinking, TV-watching children who as soon as they can speak start chanting TV jingles and smashing things with hammers." "You're really scaring me today, George." "Don't tell me." "You have easy time with these students." "I found them staring at me in a kind of bovine stupor as if I were lecturing in a foreign language." "Remind me why we shouldn't all just be annihilated." "You seem to think this is all a joke." "We're living in a world where nuclear war is a real threat." "I don't understand how that doesn't concern you." "You're serious, aren't you?" "Yes, I'm serious." "George did you even read the article I gave you on bomb shelters?" "Our is almost done." "We had 3 contractors work on it so none of them know what we've got." "I'm having the outside of it landscaped so no one will that it's there." "Really?" "If word gets out that you've got a better shelter then everyone will try to get in when something happens." "So?" "There will be no time for sentiment when the Russians fire a missile at us." "If it's going to be a world with no time for sentiment Grant the it's not a world that I want to live in." "After Many a Summer" "Dies the Swan." "I think you've all read the Huxley novel" "I assigned more than three weeks ago?" "How does the title relate to our story?" "Yes, Mr. Mong." "It doesn't." "It's about a rich guy who's too afraid that he's too old for this girl and thinks that a young guy..." "Russ." "Russ?" "Yes, Mr. Hirsch." "Sir, on page 79, Mr. Propter says that the stupidest text in the Bible is they hated me without a cause." "Does that mean the Nazis were right to hate the Jews?" "Is Huxley an anti-Semite?" "No." "No, Mr. Huxley is not an anti-Semite." "Of course, the Nazis were wrong to hate the Jews." "But their hating the Jews was not without a cause." "It's just that the cause wasn't real." "The cause was imagined." "The cause was fear." "Let's leave the Jews out o this just for a moment." "Let's think of another minority." "One that..." "One that can go unnoticed if it needs to." "There are all sorts of minorities, blondes for example or people with freckles." "But a minority is only thought of as one when it constitutes some kind of threat to the majority." "A real threat or an imagined one." "And therein lies the fear." "If the minority is somehow invisible and the fear is much greater." "That fear is why the minority is persecuted." "So, you see there always is a cause." "The cause is fear." "Minorities are just people." "People like us." "I can see that I've lost you a bit." "So tell you what?" "We're gonna forget about Mr. Huxley today and we're gonna talk about fear." "Fear, after all, is our real enemy." "Fear is taking over our world." "Fear is being used as a tool of manipulation in our society." "It's how politicians peddle policy." "It's how Madison Avenue sells us things that we don't need." "Think about it." "Fear of being attacked." "Fear of that there are communists lurking around every corner." "Fear of that some little Caribbean country that doesn't believe in our way of life poses a threat to us." "Fear that black culture may take over the world." "Fear of Elvis Presley's hips." "Actually, maybe that one is a real fear." "Fear that our bad breath might ruin our friendships." "Fear of growing old and being alone." "The of that we're useless and that no one cares what we have to say." "Have a good weekend." "Sir!" "May I talk to you for a minute?" "Why don't you always talk to us like that?" "I don't think it went over very well." "Man, fear of things gets to me all the time." "But you can't talk about it with anyone or you just sound like a fool." "You can't even talk about it with Lois?" "I don't think she's afraid of anything." "Everyone's afraid of something, Kenny." "What are you afraid of, sir?" "Cars." "How can you live in Los Angeles and be afraid of cars?" "Maybe you can't." "Sometimes my fear of things can almost paralyze me." "It's like I get really panic stricken and I feel like I might explode or something." "May I ask you a personal question, sir?" "If you like." "Do you ever get high?" "How old do I look to you?" "Have you ever taken any drugs?" "Of course, Kenny." "Like what?" "I don't feel I should be discussing this with you on campus Mr. Potter." "It's the only way I get by sometimes." "Have you ever tried mescaline?" "Not my drug of choice." "I shaved off one of my eyebrows once on mescaline." "Not a good look for me." "Sir?" "I looked in the mirror." "Big mistake if you're high on mescaline." "I decided that my eyebrows were taking over my face." "Before I knew it, I had shaved one off." "I wore a band-aid over my eye for about six weeks while my brow grew back." "Very embarrassing." "You didn't take it again after that?" "Kenny, have you been listening to me?" "I shaved off my eyebrow." "I wanted an experience Mr. Potter, not a career on stage." "If you ever want to get high sir, I usually have some dope." "You're really mad aren't you?" "I'm sorry, sir." "I guess you don't feel very comfortable talking like this." "What makes you say that?" "Lois thinks you're kind of cagey." "Like this morning when you were listening to all that crap we were talking about Huxley." "Well, not all of you." "I didn't notice you open your mouth once." "I was watching you." "You let us ramble on and on and then you straighten us out." "But you never really tell us everything you know about something." "Well, maybe that's true up to a point." "It's not that I want to be cagey." "It's just that I can't really discuss things completely openly at school." "Someone would misunderstand." "I tried that today." "It didn't really work out." "What was it you wanted to get, sir?" "Nothing." "I was on my way to the dean's office." "You mean you walked all the way down here just to talk to me?" "Why not?" "Well..." "I think you deserve something for that, sir." "Here sir, take your pick." "It's on me." "Thank you." "I thought you'd probably pick blue." "Why blue?" "Isn't blue supposed to be spiritual?" "What makes you think I'm spiritual?" "And you?" "Red?" "What is red stand for?" "A lot of things." "Rage, lust." "No kidding?" "Well sir, I..." "I guess I see you around." "Hello?" "What are you up to, kiddo?" "Just trying to finish up a book." "How's your day going?" "Fine." "I was just leaving school and wanted to know if you needed anything for tonight." "Thanks, you're sweet." "But I think I'm all set." "Be a darling and pick up gin for me, Tangueray." "I love the color of the bottle." "You love what's in it." "What time do you want me?" "7 would be great if that's ok with you." "Perfect." "I'll see you then." "I'll see you then." "Bye, Geo." "Bye, kiddo." "Beautiful." "Yes, Mr. Potter?" "Are you going somewhere, sir?" "That is usually why people get into their cars." "No, I mean are you going on vacation or something?" "What?" "I saw you cleaning out your office." "What exactly is it that you want, Kenny?" "I was just hoping that perhaps we could get together for a drink or something sometime." "Why is that?" "I don't know, sir." "Because I think you might like it." "And because you seem as though you could use a friend." "Oh really?" "Yes, sir." "You do." "They may be right." "It will have to be another time." "I'm late." "But thank you for the invitation." "And thank you for the talk earlier." "And stay away from the mescaline." "Hello, Mr. Falconer." "Hello." "How are you today?" "I'm fine, sir." "Do you need to get into your box?" "Yes, I do." "Follow me." "Here you are, sir." "If you could please sign here..." "Thank you." "Thank you." "So explain your friend Charlotte to me." "What would you like to know?" "I don't know." "You seem very intimate I guess." "Like you were once together or something." "You haven't slept with her, have you?" "Yes." "And?" "A few times when we were young." "I wouldn't say that it meant nothing to me but it certainly meant a great deal more to Charley." "It was a long time ago in London." "I love Charley." "And We were very close friends but that's all." "Well, I'm confused." "If you sleep with women then why are you with me?" "Because I fall in love with men." "Because I fell in love with you." "Anyway, doesn't everyone sleep with women when they're young?" "I haven't." "You're joking." "No, I'm not." "It was just never anything that interested me." "Well, you're awfully modern aren't you?" "You know, I think that was the first thing that I noticed about you was how sure of yourself you were." "How can you be so sure about everything at your age?" "You think I'm sure of myself?" "Of course, you are." "I'm finished now." "Thank you." "Yes, Mr. Falconer?" "Is there something else we can help you with today?" "I can't find my check book and I need some cash." "Not my day I'm afraid." "Excuse me a minute." "Mommy says bushy eyebrows are pedestrian, but I think yours are pretty." "I think yours are pretty too." "Why do you look so sad?" "Would you like to meet Charlton Heston?" "Ben Hur." "He's our scorpion." "Every night we throw in something new to him and watch him kill it." "Daddy says it's like the colosseum." "So my brother Tom put on all the columns in here." "He wants to be a set designer." "He hasn't eaten the spider yet cause he's still full from the moth we gave him last night." "Daddy says he wants to throw you in to the colosseum." "No kidding?" "Why?" "He says you're light in your loafers but you aren't even wearing loafers." "I think my brother Tom is light in his loafers too but he wears Keds." "He made me do a hair conditioning treatment on my hair with eggs." "Does it look shiny?" "Sweetheart, what are you doing bothering Mr. Falconer?" "She's not bothering me at all Susan." "How are you?" "I'm glad to see you George." "George, we're having a few people over tonight for drinks and would love to have you join us if you could." "Thank you." "That's very kind of you but I have plans." "Another time then." "Jennifer, let's let Mr. Falconer get back to his banking." "Goodbye, George." "Bye, Susan." "Bye, Jennifer." "May I help you, sir?" "I'd like to buy some bullets for this gun, please." "Yes, sir." "This is a really old gun, sir." "We have a two for one sale on handguns at the moment." "Perhaps one for the little lady?" "No thank you." "Just the bullets, please." "Here you go." "Anything else?" "No, thank you." "That would be $2.29, sir." "Thank you." "I'm sorry." "I hope she didn't growl at you." "She goes a little crazy sometimes when I have to leave her in the car." "She's perfect." "What's her name?" "India." "Let's go there." "You little baby." "I used to have smooth fox terriers." "You don't see them very often." "The very smell of buttered toast." "She's still a puppy isn't she?" "Well." "Have a nice evening." "You too." "Good night, India." "I'm sorry about that." "No, It's ok." "It's my fault." "I'll get you another pack." "It's ok." "Don't worry." "No, no I insist." "Thank you." "I'm sorry about the broken glass." "Here you go." "Thanks man." "You want one?" "No, thanks." "Actually, yes." "Why not?" "Thank you." "Carlos." "What did you say?" "Carlos." "You asked me my name." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm sorry." "You're really something." "You have an incredible face." "Enjoy that." "It's a great gift." "Your Spanish is perfect." "Thank you." "I should have used it more." "Well..." "It's not too late." "What are you doing?" "Aren't we going somewhere?" "No." "But, thanks." "You know, it's the smog that makes it that color." "I've never seen a sky like this before." "Sometimes awful things have their own kind of beauty." "Could I have another cigarette?" "Sure." "Are sure that you don't want to go for a drive?" "I'm sure." "Where are you from?" "Madrid." "Madrid?" "How did you get here?" "It's a long story." "I met a guy from LA at the hotel where I worked who told me" "I could live with him and that he could get me an agent." "But he never realized that I have a Spanish accent." "I like your accent." "You speak very well." "How did you learn English?" "My mom had an American boyfriend when I was little." "Is your mother in Madrid?" "Yes, she is." "She cuts hair." "She cut my hair before I left." "Do you like it?" "I thought it made me look like James Dean." "You are better than James Dean." "Really?" "Thanks." "No one has ever picked me up and not wanted something." "I think you picked me up." "This is kind of a serious day for me." "Come on." "What could be so serious for a guy like you?" "I'm just trying to get over an old love I guess." "My mother says that lovers are like buses." "You just have to wait a little while and another one comes along." "I have to go." "You're a nice guy." "I hope you find someone like you." "Thanks." "I'm going away." "It's your turn to change it." "Yeah, I'm not changing it." "It's your turn." "Besides, you never like what I put on anyway." "I'll give you five dollars if you change it." "I'm too old to get up." "You're only old when it's convenient for you to be old." "What are you reading anyway?" "Metamorphosis" "Oh God." "Not that depressing crap again." "It's for my class." "What highbrow work of fiction might you be reading?" "Breakfast at Tiffany's" "Don't be so smug." "Man, what a life he has." "Don't you just envy him?" "Why?" "Because he can sniff anyone's arse he wants?" "Nice." "No, because he just does what he wants." "Like yesterday I was standing in the front yard and Susan came over to talk." "And that little brat of hers Christopher came running over waving that damned gun of his around." "And our little dog walked right up, hiked his leg and peed all over Christopher's new tennis shoes." "All over Christopher actually." "And of course, I had to act like I was upset" "It was so perfectly executed you should have seen it." "After all the times those kids have tortured that poor dog." "I mean, you should take a lesson from him." "They don't..." "They don't stay up all night worrying." "They figured out how to get the two of us to do exactly what they want." "They are basically very sophisticated little parasites when you think about it." "Well, the dumbest creatures are the happiest." "Just look at your mother." "He's really just living the moment." "It's like now." "What could be better than being tucked up here with you?" "If I died right now it would be OK." "Well, it wouldn't be OK with me so why don't you shut up and go change the record." "Good answer." "You know what?" "I was thinking about taking them up to Denver with me next week if it's okay with you." "It's my mom." "She loves them." "Probably that recognition of a similar mind." "You stay there, old man." "Tie in a windsor." "No, I did not forget the gin." "I'll see you in ten minutes." "Christopher, would you like it if I killed you?" "I don't know." "If you keep this up we're going to find out." "So, why don't you go home and stop shooting people?" "I'm so happy to see you." "Come on in." "It smells wonderful." "I'm very hungry." "Where is Lois?" "I gave her the night off." "I'm cooking myself." "You are?" "Yes, I'm trying something new." "Charley darling, "you cooking' is new." "Don't be smart." "I'm in a good mood tonight." "I'm going to be fun." "I've already made two New Year's resolutions." "Resolution one:" "No more talk that of awful ex-husbands... ..and children who don't give a damn." "And the other one?" "One what?" "Resolution." "Resolution two:" "More smoking and more drinking and screw it all!" "So come on mix me up a drink." "I'll have a gin and tonic, please." "And watch out baby!" "Coming up." "It was sweet of you to come tonight." "Sweet had nothing to do with it." "I needed to see you." "Oh,Geo." "Come off it." "Whenever you do something sweet you're too ashamed to admit it." "Here is to our early New Year's resolutions." "Cheers." "What are your resolutions by the way?" "To let go of the past completely, entirely, and forever." "Light me up, will you?" "Darling, you don't look well." "Do you remember that little heart attack you had last year?" "It wasn't a heart attack." "Well whatever it was darling you don't look so hot." "I'm fine." "I never felt better." "I'm a little tired." "I haven't been sleeping..." "Geo, it's normal." "You were with Jim for 16 years." "I think about Richard every day." "It's hard being alone." "At least you have a job and a life." "Let's have a bit of dinner shall we?" "Because I've worked so very hard." "What are you talking about?" "Seriously, there no such thing as old anymore." "The other day one of my students has called me a senior citizen." "I wouldn't mind if old didn't exist but I'm not sure senior is what I'm aiming for either." "It's all becoming so bland." "It's not why I came to America." "It's like a complete breakdown of culture and manners." "The young ones have no manners." "The other day at the car wash a young man looked me up and down and actually asked me if I was a natural blonde." "What did you say?" "I looked him straight in the eye and said: "Let's just say if I stood on my head I would be a natural brunette with lovely breath." "You didn't!" "I did!" "And the amusing thing was that it went right over his head!" "You know, you had a mouth on you even back in London." "Do you remember that old lesbian who threw her drink over your head because you asked her if she was hung like a donut." "Geo." "We could always go back to London." "The two of us." "No, thanks." "You know you miss it." "I miss it sometimes." "Maybe if Jim had lived." "He loved being in England." "He asked us to stay the last time we were there." "Do you really think you would have moved?" "I don't know." "It's silly to even talk about it." "It was only a fantasy." "What's this?" "It's my mother's wedding ring." "I found it a drawer when I was cleaning out." "Charley my dear, you and I are both in need of another drink." "Wait!" "Wait, wait!" "I love this!" "You're insane!" "Come on, old man!" "Don't move." "Thank you." "Very smooth cigarette move." "I've always wanted to do that." "You don't even smoke." "Well, not for the last sixteen years." "Jim hated it." "What's to stop me now?" "It's not as if he's gonna to kill me." "This is so nice, lying here with you." "Don't you ever miss this?" "What we could have been to each other?" "Having a real relationship and kids?" "I had Jim." "I know, but I mean a real relationship." "Geo, let's be honest, what you and Jim had together was wonderful but wasn't it really just a substitute for something else?" "Is that really what you think after all of these years?" "You think Jim was just some kind of substitute for real love?" "Jim was not a substitute for anything." "Do you understand?" "There is no substitute for Jim anywhere!" "And by the way, what is so real about your relationship with Richard?" "He left you after nine years!" "Jim and I were together for sixteen years!" "And if he hadn't died we would still be together!" "What the hell is not real about that?" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "I know how much the two of you loved each other." "I suppose I'm just jealous that you and I never had that kind of love." "Actually, I've never had that kind of love with anybody." "I don't think Richard ever loved me except for the way I looked." "And Clay..." "I don't know." "You raise a child and love it and then when they are old enough they just leave." "Charley, there is nothing wrong with your life." "You just like feeling sorry for yourself." "It's one of your great pleasures." "And it's not one of yours?" "You're as pathetic as I am." "Feeling sorry for myself is definitely not one of my great pleasures." "Well, it's not one of mine either." "I don't like feeling sorry for myself one bit." "I tried to hold onto Richard for so long even when it was obvious to everyone but me that it was over." "And now Clay is grown up." "I mean, what am I doing here Geo?" "Tell me, what?" "You have plenty of friends." "You'll be fine." "Yes, I have friends." "But none of them need me." "And yes I have you and if you weren't such a goddamn poof we could have all been happy!" "I only have you now because you lost Jim." "Soon I'll lose you to someone else." "It's not as easy for a woman." "I've done everything the way I was supposed to and all I have to keep me company is a bottle of gin." "Maybe you should try donuts with your gin." "Screw you." "Charlotte, you are dramatic." "I swear you really almost had me." "A tiny tear was beginning to form in the corner of my eye." "Now stop it." "You are still breathtakingly beautiful." "When you can be bothered to get up and out of bed and you stop whimpering about everything for five minutes." "Go to London." "Change your life." "If you're not happy being a woman then stop acting like one." "You have all the answers." "No, I don't have any to mention." "If you're so smart why don't you have something new in your life?" "Take that position at Stanford." "You complain about that little school but you could go anywhere you want." "I think what I've done has been worthwhile." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have said that." "As much as I dread it, I think I will go back to London." "Why do you dread it?" "When I lived in London last I was young." "I was fresh, I was everything." "Coming to America was such a dream, it was the icing on the cake." "Going home is defeat." "None of it really worked out the way I'd planned." "Most things don't work out the way people plan." "You're just living in the past." "You need to start thinking about your future." "Living in the past is my future." "It doesn't have to be yours." "You're a man." "And you're a bore tonight." "Can't we just feel sorry for ourselves a little bit longer?" "Let's have another drink." "I don't think so." "I have to go." "Come on." "Walk me out." "Please, please!" "Come on, I have to!" "No, this was such fun!" "No." "When will I see you again?" "Aren't you going to England?" "I'll never do that!" "It's far too much effort." "Besides," "I don't think Jim would want me to leave you here in LA all alone." "Don't worry about me." "I'll be fine." "I've got all the answers." "Remember?" "What are you doing this weekend?" "I think I might just be very quiet." "You never really did take me seriously, did you George?" "I tried to Charley." "Remember?" "A long time ago." "It didn't really work out, did it?" "No, Charley." "Sleep tight." "Patrick, a beer and a packet of Lucky Strike, please." "Excuse me." "It's too hot in there." "Yes, it is." "Would you like a cigarette?" "No thanks, I don't smoke." "This place is really crowded." "Well, it is Saturday night." "It's usually as bad as this." "People normally just stop by and pick someone up and then head on down the beach." "Yeah." "It's pretty wild out there." "I'm surprised the cops don't break it up." "Is it always like that?" "Since the war ended." "It's pretty great actually." "It's kind of pagan." "I'm Jim." "I'm George." "Pleased to meet you Jim." "I'm sorry, I'm supposed to meet some friends but I can't find them." "I just needed to get out of the house but the lure of a cold beer got to me." "Do you live hereby?" "Canyon." "For how long?" "Since 38." "Where are you from?" "Colorado." "I really like it here." "It's close to beach." "I think I might stay after I'm discharged." "I don't know, maybe I'm a bit of a pagan." "After you." "No." "Sorry." "Well, hello." "Hi." "Do you buy me a drink?" "I think I'm taken." "Too bad, too bad." "Do you want another beer?" "Patrick, a bottle of scotch and a pack of Lucky Strikes to go, please?" "Patrick, cancel that." "Well, hello Mr. Potter." "Hello, sir." "What are we drinking?" "Scotch." "Okay." "I come here all the time." "I live just around the corner, but then you knew that." "On Camphor Tree Lane." "You're still carrying that around." "One must always appreciate life's little gifts." "So, what are you doing here?" "Just out for a ride on my bike." "Is that all?" "I don't know." "Were you looking for me?" "Maybe." "I don't know." "I feel like my head's stopped up with stuff." "What kind of stuff?" "Like, the stuff you were talking about today in class." "That is definitely not important." "No, it is important." "Your class is great." "But somehow we always seem to get stuck talking about the past." "The past just doesn't matter to me." "The present?" "I can't wait for the present to be over." "It's a total drag." "Well, tonight is the exception." "What?" "Tonight, yes!" "The present, no!" "Let's drink to tonight." "Tonight." "So if the past doesn't matter and the present is a total drag." "What about the future?" "What future?" "Cuba might just blow us up." "Death is the future." "I'm sorry." "I don't mean to be depressing." "It's not depressing." "It's not depressing, it's true." "It may not be your immediate future but it's what we all share." "Death is the future." "You're right, I guess." "If one is not enjoying one's present there isn't a great deal to suggest that the future should be any better." "Yeah, I've thought that before." "But the thing is you just never know." "Look at tonight." "Actually I feel really alone most of the time." "You do?" "Yeah." "I've always felt this way." "I mean we're born alone, we die alone." "And while we're here we are absolutely, completely sealed in our own bodies." "Really weird." "Kinda freaks me out to think about it." "We can only experience the outside world through our own slanted perception of it." "Who knows what you're really like?" "I just see what I think you're like." "I'm exactly what I appear to be." "If you look closely." "You know the only thing that has made the whole thing worthwhile has been those few times that I've been able to really, truly connect with another human being." "I had a hunch about you, sir." "You did?" "Yes, sir." "I had a hunch you might be a real romantic." "You know, everyone keeps telling you that when you're older, that you'll have all this experience." "Like it's some great thing." "That's a load of shit." "I think I've actually just gotten sillier and sillier." "Really?" "Absolutely." "So, all your experience is useless." "No, I wouldn't say that." "As our friend Mr. Huxley says:" "Experience is not what happens to a man." "It is what a man does with what happens to him." "Let's go swimming." "Okay." "What?" "It was a test." "I thought you were bluffing about being silly so I said to myself I'll suggest doing something completely outrageous." "And if he resists, if he even hesitates then I know he's full of shit." "Well, I wasn't." "Were you?" "Hell, no!" "Come on sir." "I'll help you down." "Let's go." "Come on, sir." "Sir?" "Sir?" "That's enough for now, sir." "I'm fine." "I'm cold." "Come on." "Can we go back to your place, sir?" "Of course." "Where else?" "Where else." "Are you out of your mind?" "What's the matter?" "You can't get home like that!" "We're invisible, don't you know that?" "You know sir, they ought not to let you out on your own." "You're liable to get into real trouble." "I excel at it." "Your forehead is bleeding." "The bathroom is just down the hall if you would like to take a shower." "Aren't you taking a shower too, sir?" "I'm fine." "I'm English." "We like to be cold and wet." "First, I think that we need to take care of that cut, sir." "Do you have any band-aids?" "Going camping, sir?" "I'm fine, really." "Stay there." "I'll be right back." "Sit up." "Tilt your head back." "Well sir, I'm afraid this time you don't have the excuse of mescaline to explain your band-aid." "I think we should get you out of those wet clothes." "Yes, sir." "You're not too cold?" "I'm great." "Would you like a drink?" "A beer, sir." "If you have one." "I'm afraid that's all we have." "Two beers coming up." "You live here all by yourself, sir?" "I do now." "I used to share this place with a friend." "He was an architect." "Man, guys my age dream about the kind of setup you've got here." "I mean, what more can you want?" "You get to be left alone and come and go as you please." "Is that's your idea of the perfect life?" "What's the matter, sir?" "Don't you believe me?" "If you're so keen on the idea living by yourself where does Lois fit into this plan?" "Lois?" "What's she got to do with anything?" "I got the impression that you and she were together." "Not really." "She is kind of cool and we're good friends but..." "I think what you really want to ask me is if we sleep together." "And do you?" "We did." "Once." "Why only once?" "I didn't say only once, I said once." "Come on, the last thing I want to talk about right now is Lois." "What time is it?" "My watch seems to have stopped." "Do you want me to go?" "You must be kidding." "Go, get us another beer." "Is that an order, sir?" "You're damn right it is." "Pathetic." "Did you say something, sir?" "Why are you here?" "Why did you get to the office and ask secretary for my address?" "I just wanted to see you someplace other than school." "Why?" "Sometimes I think I'm crazy cause I see things so differently than everyone else." "I feel like I can talk to you." "To be honest sir, I was also worried about you today." "Me?" "What's to be worried about?" "I'm fine." "I'm..." "I'm fine." "A few times in my life I've had moments of absolute clarity." "When for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think." "And things seem so sharp..." "And the world seems so fresh as though it had all just come into existence." "I can never make these moments last." "I cling to them but like everything they fade." "I've lived my live on these moments." "They pull me back to the present and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be." "And just like that it came."