""REFLECTIONS OF A BLENDER"" "I can't stay silent like I used to." "Damned feverthat keeps me away from the fridge... the stove, the sink, the clock... from all these objects that work machine-like... as men like to say." "And don't care oreven know that... they are called objects, stuff, kitchen appliances." "And what about me?" "Appliance and what else?" "Still blades... but inside me, a flow of ideas, thoughts... sensations, grinding and tearing at my silence... spinning and crushing like sharpedges." "Blender and witness... grinding machine and accomplice... to all the events that altered the life... of the owners of this house... and my condition as object." " I'm leaving." " Good luck." " God's will be done." " Amen." "My husband's been missing eight days." "He left one morning to go to the market... and never came back." "Does your husband have any mental problems?" "No, sir." "Onofre is a normal man... healthy, hardworking." "He's never been gone for so long." " How old is your husband?" " 67." " Any children?" " No, sir." "Has he had any disagreements... with anyone in the past few days?" "No, thank God." "The whole neighborhood was fond of him..." "He was respected at work." "Everyone's worried about his disappearance." " Ms..." " Elvira." "Ms. Elvira." "Have you considered the possibility that he has left?" "Left how?" "You mean to say that he abandoned me?" "Unfortunately, it is not altogether impossible." "I have seen a number of such cases." "Lieutenant, we've been married for over 4O years." "Lots of harmony and tenderness between us." "Why would Onofre leave me?" "Another woman, for instance." "No!" "The police can't even think that." "Onofre is a faithful husband." "He's not that kind of man, thank God!" "Well, Ms. Elvira, I'll file a report... and assign a detective to the case." "But I can tell you this:" "the first suspect on his disappearance... is you." "Iwonderwhat happened." "The hand on the clock has turned a few times... and she hasn't come back yet." "Maybe she can deceive the police... and calm herself down." "What happened?" "The worst." "Did you go to the station?" "Yes." "They suspected me." "How come?" "Fuinha!" "I didn't like that Fuinha character." " Why not?" " I didn't like his nose." "He looks like a snoop." "With a thin nose." "Dangerous." "Once I left, he followed me around." "Is it normal to follow a person right away..." "Who knows... or did he suspect me from beginning?" "Where did you go?" "First lwent to the church." "Didn't you say you couldn't face the image of Christ?" "I prayed with closed eyes." "But I thought God could see inside people." "Shut up." "What do you know about religion?" "Shut up." "We all pray any way we can." "And then I went shopping for these fruit." "You made thing too easy for him." "You could buy fruit some other day!" "Why didn't you come straight home?" "Enough talking, you're too nosy." "Get to work!" "What are you doing?" "It 's been days since I've had an avocado shake." "Elvira." "I don't feel like blending now." "Why not?" "I don't feel well." "Leave the avocado for some other time." "They might see your blade." "You look like a weapon, not a blender." "You're the one who made a weapon of me." "And now, they'll blame me." "Don't be afraid." "Just help me." " Haven't I done all I can?" " Yes, but I need a bit more." " And then, Elvira?" " Then what?" "When it 's over, what will you do with me?" "Nothing; you'll go on working as a blender." "I don't want you to break me." "I won't break you, silly!" "Nutty blender!" "Let 's grind!" "Get to work!" "Quit snarling." "Bastard!" "You're no good anymore." "Too noisy." "Watch it, you, bastard." "Ok." "Now you're singing, aren't you?" "That 's it." "I like that." "Sing my little bird." "Why can't you always work like this?" "Bastard." "You sing when you want to... and when you don't, you snarl!" "And when you're up to it, you can grind perfectly." "That I do well;" "shakes are my specialty." "You've gotta grind whatever I put in there, got it?" "I did, Elvira." "I ground what you asked me." "But you neighed like a horse." "The neighbors must have heard you." " It wasn't easy, Elvira." " Stop yelling." "Then stop pointing fingers." "I did my best." "I'll die repeating that." "I did my best." "You find it disgusting?" "Doesn't the shake look tasty?" "Your stomach's been empty for too long." "Go on." "Drink a little." "Elvira." "Take a sip." "Go on." "That 's it." "Drink up." "What 's the matter?" "What 's this taste you put in the shake?" "I put the taste you gave me." "I put in avocado, milk and sugar." "You gave me something rotten." "You taste that in everything." "The water doesn't taste like this." "Yesterday you said the banana and the orange had it." "And the bread, too." "So, it 's not me, you're the one tasting it everywhere." "Don't you try to trick me, when you least expect it, I'll..." " What?" " Watch it." "It 's Fuinha!" "Don't panic." "It may be a neighbor." "I'll throw it away." "No, Elvira, don't do that." "What about the taste of death?" "There's no such taste." "What if it 's Fuinha?" "Elvira, the house is clean and you're alone." "Go on!" " Elvira!" " May Jesus be with me." " Amen." " I'm coming." "Go, Elvira." "Go!" "Hi, Ms. Elvira." "Long time no see." "Has the old man come back?" "Nothing so far." " I have news." " A letter?" "No." "May I come in?" "It won't take long." "I need to tell you something." "Oh, I miss Mr. Onofre." "So, you fixed the blender?" "Avocado, yum!" "I don't know it 's ok, the avocado might be spoiled." "Let 's have a taste of it, so we know for sure." "Your shakes are delicious." "You mind if I sit?" "I've been walking." "Drink it slowly, it 's the only glass." "The best shake in town." "What do you have to tell me?" "I don't mean to snoop into other people's lives..." "Mr. Onofre was such a good man, wasn't he?" "Despite his favorite soccer team." "Cut to the chase." "I'd rather deliver one thousand letters than tell you this." "Do you really have something to say?" "I do." "Mr. Onofre..." "He has... or had... an affair." " What?" " An affair." "Another woman, you understand?" "I saw it." "What did you see?" "What otherwoman?" "It's not like me to meddle in people's lives." "Iwas passing by the hospital and saw him." "That's a lie." "0nofre wasn't that kind of man!" "I saw how anguished you were and decided to tell you." "She's a nurse..." "I shouldn't even have said that..." "So I talked to her... and she hadn't heard from him in two weeks." "So I decided to come here... the old man has vanished, he's really gone." " Get out!" " I only wanted to help." "I'll file a complaint at the postal company!" "Go to the police before it 's too late!" "What the heck?" "!" "It 's not like him to nose around." "But he knew who she was, her job, her workplace." "How terrible!" "Even the mailman knew it." "How can a man be so disrespectful?" "What about me?" "How about me all this time?" "Disgrace." "Stop that." "Stop it!" "In this house things work the way they like!" "You want to drip?" "So drip." "Let water out the pipe." "That 's it." "Flood it, flood it all." "Premium eggs on sale." "Potatoes. 0nions." "Garlic." "0ranges." "Lime." "Quayle eggs." "Bananas." "Tomatoes." "Sweet Potatoes." "Assorted sweets." "Things have changed in the past few days." "It's unusually tense around here." "I'm never at ease when she's awake." "And even when she sleeps my thoughts don't rest." "Why did they do this to me?" "What makes my engine... understand human feelings?" "Particularly of the people in this house?" "I must have been happy before... because I can't remember how it was." "Engines have no memory." "Nor do they need it... is already a form of happiness." "Blenders are born in factories and die in junkyards." "It's a simple story, a straight line." "We're useful as long as we work." "Replaced when we break down." "It's not the same for men, though." "From what I've seen, they don't know... where they come from, where they're going... why they're born, why they live or die." "This life full of doubt they call"conscious life"." "And it's that same consciousness they gave me... when they replaced some parts of my mechanism." "I don't know if it all happened slowly... or suddenly, by simply changing a screw." "I don't know." "I doubt my first moments as much as any human." "Assembly line, mass production... everything seems to start there." "And if that's the start of an object... why can't it be the start of people too?" "0ne of the first events I remember... it happened when lwas still a regular blender... a mere appliance." "What the hell?" "A piece of iron in the shake." " Iron?" " A blade." "What if I'd swallowed it?" "It 's a piece of the blender." "Watch out!" "You might send someone six feet under!" "Iwas placed in a corner." "It was the first time I heard perfectly well..." " what people were saying." " I made a choice... that I'd represent Cain." "Before the Creator?" "Before the Creator and before his creatures." "The word is our key instrument." "Iwas there all afternoon." "The sound of the human voice entranced me." "I observed people and theirconversations." "But everything cleared up both inside and outside me... when they put in the new blade." "It looks like a scorpion." "Looks like a weapon." "Ugly beast." "Back to the counter." "This one will have last 'til the end, right?" "Another five months?" "Seven, Onofre, seven." "What 'll happen to us?" "Same as always." "If anyone asked me, I'd say the change of blades... made me the happiest appliance in the world." "I felt strong and sturdy as never before." "Went back to work with renewed enthusiasm." "It was like coming out of the factory." "Those were the best seven months of my life!" "But they went by much, much too quickly." "The china, the coffeemaker and other appliances were boxed." "Iwas placed in a spot that at first seemed uncomfortable." "But I soon realized that I couldn't wish for a better seat." "I marveled at the busy streets." "That world was stunning to me." "Created by mighty beings." "I looked at people's faces on the sidewalk... crossing the streets, driving their fantastic cars... and I felt chosen by the gods for an unforgettable adventure." "And then..." "I saw the fountain." "The waterwas rising as if trying to reach the sun." "Premium eggs on sale." "Directly from the farm..." " How's everything?" " Fine." " Have anything for me today?" " Sadly, nothing." " Forgot all about me." " We'd never forget you." " What did you want with him?" " A letter." "You flirt with everyone, don't you?" "Come on, baby." " Bye." " Go to work now." "Bye." "How are you, boss?" "I don't boss, I beg." "Any news?" "Nothing yet." "If I hear about a job, I'll let you know." " Any news for me?" " Nothing yet, Mr. Onofre." "No problem." "Thank you." "At first I missed the smoothie shop." "I enjoyed the variety of customers... new faces, different topics, othervoices." "Now it was just me and the housewife." "And sometimes the next-door neighbor... who always chose the same subject." " You like the manioc?" " It 's great." "The fresher, the tastier." "I saw on TV that eating entire grapes is good for you." "Is it?" " And makes you want it." " Want what?" "It, Ms. Elvira." "Not working?" "It 's a bad plug." "Bad blender." "Has a mind of its own." "Jeez!" "I like to tearthe pulp of fruit and vegetables... and stick my blade into words and ideas." "Everything turns when they switch me on and speed me up." "Iwork in 3 speeds:" "1,2 and 3." "I know people who hate numbers and don't get math." "Not me." "I get it very well." "Grindingly well." "1,2,3." "Grinding is thinking." "Thinking is grinding." "I sold the cooler, the coffeemaker... and the small blender." "Onofre, did you have to?" "Don't you think?" "Four months and not a penny." "What about us?" "How are we going to live?" "Empty stomach, no water, no light?" "Why didn't you sell this blender?" "It is a piece of junk." "I wanted to leave you the best." "It used to be the best." "It 's been rubbish for a while." "Didn't tell you this old thing's crazy?" "I didn't see you get up today." "Lots of housework to do." "Help me!" "My leg hurts!" "Help me with the pillow, will you?" "Straighten it out." " Better?" " Yes." "Did you sleep well?" "Sort of." "How was your first day as night guard?" "I took a whole pot of coffee." "It 's hard to be bound to this bed." "Think of something to do." "With a broken leg?" "Didn't you use to stuff animals?" "That was ages ago, I was just a girl." "You made some money with that taxi... taxi..." "Taxidermy." "Go back to stuffing and I'll try to sell it." "All right." "Before bed, can you make me breakfast?" "With everything you deserve." "Easy." " Hold on to me." " Ok." " Happy?" " It 's beautiful." "Do you think I'll remember?" " Learn again." " Practicing, right?" "I'm going to bed." "When you get up, It 'll be ready." " That quick?" " Yeah." "Elvira." "Hey!" "Over here." " It 's me!" " Who?" "Me, Elvira." "The blender." "If it 's restless spirit, I'll have a mass prayed for you, ok?" "That 's senility, Elvira." "Maybe it is." "Or you're pulling my leg." "Yeah, sure." "Time to go." "Careful or the blender will catch you." "Stop that." "Elvira." "Elvira." "Don't be frightened." "It 's me again." "The blender." " You...?" " Yeah." "It 's me." "I would love to talk." "Share some thoughts." "I think I can... at least... try." "Do you want to?" "I'm going insane." " Or is this senility?" " What 's senility?" "Senility is this." "Me, talking to a machine." "Chatting with a blender." "I like that." "Yeah." "Senility." "...that 's right, Elvira." "I like senility." "Of course you like it." "It 's why you're talking to me." "And I listen." "And answer!" " Right?" " lf you think so, then yes." "Elvira, you have lovely teeth, you know?" " What?" " I like teeth." "I like everything that cuts." "I have good teeth too, don't I?" " No, you've got blades." "...that cut." "They really do." "You look like a scorpion." "What 's a scorpion?" "It 's an animal that stings and poisons the blood." "It kills the person." "Kill?" "What 's to kill?" "It 's to send someone six feet under." "Six feet under what?" "What a funny expression." "Cool." "Six feet under." " Ms. Elvira." "I'm coming in." " Come in, honey." "What 's that, Ms. Elvira?" " Never seen a stuffed animal before?" " No." "Not up close." "it 's weird." " Disgusting?" " Not disgusting." "Just weird." "I've done it since I was a child." "To each their own, right?" "I bet you're tired of sitting there all day." "A person's talking to me, anothercomes... the person turns her back on me, without even a goodnight." "0ld senile woman." "How rude!" " Is this ok, Ms. Elvira?" " Great." "I'm lucky you have strong arms to help me." "Mary, mother of God." "Don't mention "arms" to me today." "You remember my boss at the store?" "Your boss?" "The one with the hairy arms?" "The very one." "Something happened... between us today that was weird." "He came to me with a glass of water... his hairy arm sticking out, just the way I like it." "Iwent crazy, Ms. Elvira." " Did that go any further?" " No." "No." "It made me shiver, that was all." "Milena, stay away from that arm." "Ms. Elvira, I swear to you I want nothing with him." "It was just that chill." "Nothing else." "What?" "Come on, give me a break." "Ah, Milena." "Can I hold it?" "You're a real artist, Ms. Elvira." "Later you can remove the needles." "And leave it to dry in the sun." "My mother will love it." " This cat was your mother's?" " Yeah." "Mauro." "He died and I asked her to stuff it." "Mom won't believe it." "Unbelievable, stuffing mummy's kitten!" "Why don't you learn it?" "That 's disgusting!" "Any money in it, Ms. Elvira?" "Some change." "Rabbits sell well." "Hello, folks." " What 's up?" " Hello, Mr. Onofre." "What 's wrong, dear?" " It 's over." " What do you mean?" "Some city officials took away the animals." " The two ducks?" " Both." "They said... it 's illegal to sell animals dead or alive." "If they catch me again I'll go to jail." "The well has dried." "I was just mentioning I was making some change." "No more stuffed animals." "Why go to the movies?" "So you can have a fit of jealousy?" "You were staring at that bearded guy." "Bearded who?" "Don't be coy." "The bearded fatso." " That hairy monkey?" " That's the one." "You were drooling all over him." "Drooling?" "0verthat bushy face?" "You're a piece of work." "Wellington, you know I don't like hairy men." "I'll tell you one thing." "If you cheat on me..." "I'll use a gun the old fashioned way." "Gun?" "You know the kind of weapon I want?" "The magazine?" "The ammunition?" " Tell me, pumpkin pie." " I'm driving." "Pumpkin pie with a smooth, smooth body." "Open fire tonight, baby?" "Maybe a little open fire." " Good morning." " Morning." " Remember me?" " Yes, sir." " I promised you a visit." " Yes, sir." "Come on in." " Anybody home?" " No, sir." "Any sign of the husband?" "No, sir." "He left everything here." "You mean he vanished with no belongings?" "Only what he was wearing." "This is his work outfit." "Tell me something." "Did he drink?" "Just a little beer on Sundays." "I see." "But where?" "And with whom?" "With his pals at the pub... or the next-door neighbor, but he never got drunk." "You may close it now." "I'm doing a routine inspection." "Don't touch any clothes." "Leave everything as it is." "Not even mine?" "Your clothes you may touch, of course." "But only yours." "Not the victim's." " Victim?" " Your husband was murdered." "Don't you take my hope away!" "What 's that?" "Is anyone else here?" "It 's just the blender." "It switches on by itself." " By itself?" " Wacked out machine." "Don't turn it off." "Hold on." "You mean he turns on by itself?" "It kind of works when it wants to." "We used it at the smoothie shop." "What 's in it?" "Beets." "Blood-colored, eh?" "Beets are red, aren't they?" "May I turn it off?" "There, old thing." "Calm down." "Excuse me." "Do you drink pure blood?" "What do you mean?" "Look..." "Doesn't it look like blood?" "Do I look like a vampire?" "You just like the color of blood?" "Why do you talk about blood so much?" "Why?" "Does the word bother you?" ""Blood"." "You bothered?" " Who isn't bothered by blood?" " Murderers." "You certainly know those better than I." "Exactly." "That 's why they don't escape me, get it?" "I can smell them." "Drink it." " What?" " A drink of blood." "Drink it." "Leave my beets alone, sir." "Drink up a little blood, ma'am." "When you came in I was making soup." "May I carry on in peace, please, Detective?" "Drink up half a glass of this... red liquid, better?" "I recognize a murderer's face when they intake the color of blood." "There." "Any blood on my face?" "No, but you drank too quickly." "Straight down the throat." "Drink it slowly." "Gulp by gulp." "Slowly." "Leave the blood on your tongue a while." "Beets are sweet as blood, aren't they?" "It needs a pinch of salt." "I hadn't seasoned the broth." " Moist soil, Ms. Elvira." " It 's my garden, sir." " It 's been recently watered." " I water it every day." "I will have it dug six feet under." "And who will pay for the damage?" "I've seen cases like this, Ms. Elvira." "The victim buried in his own backyard." "I'll send the bill to the Lieutenant." "One buck for each ruined vegetable." "The police has full authority." "To investigate, not to wreck private property." "Who knows how badly the victim was wrecked!" "You get shivers everytime I say "victim"." "I do?" "You get speechless, dead silent." "It 's because this suspicion..." "Go on?" "If only you knew what I want to say." "Just get it off your chest, Ms. Elvira." "You can stick this suspicion where the sun doesn't shine!" "You can't arrest me without evidence." "We each have our own delights, ma'am." "This is mine." "Cuffing away the suspect." "You know why?" "If you slay, I'll make you pay." "Keep that in mind!" "If you slay, I'll make you pay." "Fuinha is a madcap." "Everyone has their own method." "This is mine." "Take it easy, Fuinha." "I'm taking it easy, sir." "I catch the smell of blood, get it?" "It 's my sixth sense." "A murderers' sweat changes." "The more they try to hide it... the more I sense the blood." "This old lady spilled her husband's blood." "The stench is coming out through her pores." "You said the same about that other lady." "The doctor's widow." "Stench, pores... talk about a slip-up!" "Only God is infallible, pal." "And not always." "That 's why I tell you." "Slow down, Fuinha." "Easy on the shock treatment." "No sweat, boss." "You can count on me." "I'll find the corpse." "Wellington can get you a lawyer, Ms. Elvira." "What 's this cop thinking?" "That he can wave handcuffs in your face like that?" "He gave me the creeps." "I almost had a fit." "Relax, Ms. Elvira, have some tea." "I have to go." " Godspeed." " Same to you." "What did that busybody want?" "Why did you have to turn on right then?" "I got nervous." "Couldn't help it." "You almost ruined everything." "What about you and your beets?" "It was the only thing in the fridge." "Justice be done." "You tap danced around him." "You think?" "It 's fair to say you tap danced around him... and committed the perfect crime." "Both of us did." "You were a great accomplice." "Thank you." "As a matterof fact, lwas always an accomplice." "Even back at the smoothie shop." "Actually, I don't know if lwas accomplice or a victim." "What I do know is that people say things meaning one thing..." "But their attitudes mean the opposite." "When they're interested, they're full of pretty words..." "But when they are contested, there comes ingratitude." "There comes poison." "You going out?" "Overtime, Elvira." "Overtime." "Overtime." "There's no time for us anymore." "No more Saturday, no more Sunday... and now no more Monday either." "Too much work is better than no work." "I bought some chicken for lunch." "But you'll eat at work, right?" "Good news." "I found a buyer for blabbermouth." "The owner of the bar by my job." "I told him I fixed it... and he wants to see it." " Don't sell it, please." " How come?" "At home it 's still good for something." "That 's precisely why we haven't bought a new one." "He's growing on me." " I'm going." " Take care." "That hurt me deeply." "I left with a complete sense of abandonment." "A true piece of junk." "But one thing is now clearto me... human feelings are like a double-edged blade... one knife smoothes yourvanity the othercuts into your pride." "Back with the blabbermouth?" "I thought you'd bring a new blender." "When I get my pay, I'll buy a new one." "And why the triple shift?" "Something wrong with the other guards." "There's a swap this week." "Where did you get that tan?" "Day shifts are sunny... the night doesn't give you a tan." "I'm very tired." "I made you some cabbage soup." "I had a snack at the factory." "I'm tired, not hungry." "I'll take a shower and go straight to bed." "This shift change throws me off." "Can't rely on the clock, it 's crazy..." "Didn't even bother getting me out." "She laid anguished in bed." "Well deserved, I must say." "So they didn't want you at the bar?" "You piece of junk." "Doesn't matter." "You're still useful here." "Not even with your iron tongue did they want you." "That 's aging for you." "Old Thing." "What kind of test did they put you through?" "Sand and oil." "What did they think you were?" "A construction tool?" "You poor thing." "Why are you quiet like a rock?" "Have you lost your ability to talk, to understand?" "Jammed for good." "I saw the ocean." " At last you're talking." " Yeah." "I saw the waves." " What?" " I didn't like it at all." "Where did you see the ocean?" "Too much water." "Too noisy." "I prefer the fountain." "What 's this about the ocean?" "You've never seen the sea?" "What 's this about?" "Never been where?" "Guarujá." "Who took you to Guarujá?" "The bar owner?" "Bar?" "What bar?" "I don't belong in bars." "What the hell in this?" "Working, it must sound like a jackhammer." "Gimme banana and milk." "Looks like a Russian submarine." "You'll pay by the dose, guys." "A dose each." "Here goes nothing." "What the hell?" "Is this outlet working?" "Of course it is, the TV was here." "How did you end up at the beach?" "Onofre threw me in the backseat of the car." "What car?" "The car that took us to Guarujá, of course." " Whose car?" " The lady's." "What lady?" "Spit it out." "What lady?" "What car?" " lf you want to know, go there." " Go where?" "To Santos." "They went there today." "Listen, Onofre left for work..." "Yesterday Guarujá." "Today, Santos." "Tomorrow, Peruíbe, then, Praia Grande." "Four days at the beach." "When parting, she said, "beach tomorrow, honey?"" "And he replied, "beach tomorrow, doll."" " He isn't in today?" " He'll be out 'tilThursday." " Who's this?" " A friend of the family's." " Do you have his house number?" " Yes." "I've tried, nobody answers." "I'll try again." "Thank you." "This is not happening." "It 's a nightmare." "I'm dreaming." "This isn't real." "It can't be." "It can't be true!" "There was no beach, no car, no Guarujá, no honey, no doll." "Someone will have to prove it." "I need proof..." "I need proof!" "Where's the evidence that you exist?" "That you talk, feel..." "React like a person?" "It's him." "So, those were the so-called guts." "Piece of cake." "Piece of cake, of course." "Heart, stomach, bowels." "Let 's see some bones!" "Bones are the tough part." "What 's the matter with bones?" "You'll see." "What 's the ice for?" "You don't like it?" "They're ok." " Then stop complaining." " I'm not complaining, Elvira." "I'm only trying to understand." "Ice and bones are a good match." "Both are white and hard." " I still don't get it." " You'll get it now." "Grind." "Premium eggs on sale." "Potatoes. 0nions." "Garlic." "0ranges." "Lime." "Quayle eggs." "Bananas." "Tomatoes." "Sweet Potatoes." "Yes?" "Are you aware of any quibbles between them recently?" " Was he rude, for example?" " No." "Quite the opposite." "He treated her like a queen." "I've also heard old Onofre was a bit of a lady's man." " Did he ever come on to you?" " Never!" "No way." "He was never fresh with me." "You never caught him looking... at your... or at your...?" "My what, sir?" "No offense, ma'am." "I'm investigating!" "I meant your legs, your knees, get it?" "He peeped at my legs with eyes like this." "You don't say!" "He asked me "what do you think of oral sex?"" "Christ!" "This man must be denounced!" "That 's harassment." "I replied, "sex to me is a relationship of complete freedom"." "If the partner wants and deserves it, he takes what he gives." "He opened his little eye at me, like that... got up, put his hand in his pocket." "He was totally aroused!" "I thought he'd grab me right there... and spread my legs." "That thin little nose... like a penis stuck to his face." "How long have you known them?" "About five years." "Since I started delivering mail there." "I heard you're close to Elvira." "I also heard sometimes you suck on her shakes." "Yeah." "Sometimes she's kind enough to offer." "She only gives you that sort of shake or other types too?" "Come on." "Ms. Elvira is a lady." "I call her auntie." "Funny." "I know a fellow who called his neighbor "granny"... and she sat on his face." "Tell me..." "Onofre was kind of naughty, wasn't he?" "Tell me the truth." "No." "We only talked soccer." "But I did see him at the hospital once." "I was around and I saw it." "It was really him." "He was with a lady." "Excited, see?" " So was she." " I'm understanding..." "I recently told Ms. Elvira." "I knew there was something fishy here." "That 's it." "I had four days off... because I had doubled my shift." "He did the same thing at his job." "So, you arranged that?" "Yes, so we could have a small honeymoon." "You know what I mean." "How did you meet him?" "His company sent him to the hospital where I work as a nurse." "Twelve by eight." "Your blood pressure's fine." "That 's nice." " Let 's check your heart now." " Yes, let 's." "Inhale." "Exhale." "Inhale." "Inhale again." "Exhale slowly." "That 's it." "Again." "Inhale." "Exhale." "That 's it." "I think my pressure's rising!" "So, the old man whiffed you right in." "I am very sensitive in that area." "But it was only physical in the beginning." "Later a great love ensued." "He was gonna leave his wife for me." "I'm sure he wouldn't vanish like this." "Someone got rid of him." "Either his wife or a hired gun." "I played you for a sucker?" "Why didn't you tell me straight away about the nurse?" "Because when the mailman came by..." "I had already been to the station." "Then why not tell me right after?" "Because I don't believe it." "That mailman has a big mouth." "Loves to gossip." "I heard that you... stuff animals." "Yes, sir." "What weapons do you use to embalm them?" "They're instruments not weapons." "My father was in the business." "He made this one." "I learned as a little girl." "Tell me something, Ms. Elvira... how long did it take you to embalm your husband?" "Please, Detective." "One week?" "42 years." "I spent the entire marriage embalming my husband." "I'm telling you." "Piercing objects laying around." "Needles, scissors, a hoe, a hatchet." "A load of weapons, sir." "So, which one did she use, Fuinha?" "Beats me." "The first blow may have been with the hoe." "The victim in the backyard." "The old man squatting, gardening." "She comes from behind and hits him with the hoe." "Get it, Chief?" "But don't they have neighbors?" "Sure." "A married couple." "By the way, there's a second theory." "Maybe it wasn't in the yard... but in the kitchen." "He's there, waiting for supper... she comes back with a knife instead a soup." "And then, she chops his head off." "Maybe." "One blow, two three." "But there's also a third theory." "He's asleep... she grabs her embalming needles... tiptoes into the silent room and... sticks the needles into the victim's ears, Chief." "Then, the hatchet." "Then the blender." "She made minced meat out of her husband... and got rid of the body in the blender." "Piece by piece." "Bone by bone." "Is that your conclusion, Fuinha?" "Bull's eye, Chief." "Grinding bone in a blender." "Gimme a break." "We're overwhelmed with work... and you come to me with this fabrication!" "Come in." "I need your honest opinion." "What is it, Milena?" "It 's nothing serious." "But it 's important to me." "Did you know that celebrities... not all, but many..." "aren't wearing them anymore." "Not wearing what?" " Panties." " Working with no panties on?" "Not to outline the fabric, you see?" " I don't believe it." " Oh yes." " Come on." " Look now." "Milena!" " Stop it, girl." " Bye, Ms. Elvira." "I should remember more about the human body." "Each part is the enemy of the other parts." "The ears twist what they hear... the eyes distort what they see... the tongue uses phrases to seduce... to befuddle, to better orworsen things... according to its mood." "I have no ears, eyes or mouth, but it's as if I did." "I got this trait from livingwith people..." "People who gave me an awareness of life... but also an awareness of death." "Now I know what it means to be "six feet under"." "But in spite of all, if I could choose... if I could go back to being a simple kitchen appliance... insensitive and mute, I don't know if I'd want to." "Hmm, no, lwouldn't." "To think is addictive, to feel is like booze... and all this restless waiting, filled with passion and fear... it all that fascinates me." "What fate has in store for me is a mystery, a threat... but until then... as the night presses on... my screws will sing theirway into the night!" "Sing, my little bird!" "Sing old gadget, offspring of both God and..." "Satan!" "Sing, glorious blender!"