"(MUSIC)" "(WIND BLOWING)" "(CHURCH BELL CLANGING)" "ARCHIE:" "Know thyself." "That's an old saying." "Old as in Greek and stuff." "It's written on some temple in a place called Delphi, right?" "Six ancient philosopher-types took credit for coming up with that, including Socrates, so it must have been some pretty cutting-edge stuff back then." "Know thyself." "Hmm." "So you start thinking, "Do I know myself?" ""I mean, really, who am I?" ""What do I want?" ""Do I like myself? "Am I happy?" and on and on." "I mean, it'll drive you nuts." "But you don't truly know the answers to those questions until they're staring you right in the face." "(CHEERING)" "ANNOUNCER: (ON P.A.) Well, folks, that about wraps it up here at Gunsight Pass." "We're sad to say, it's closing time." "Want to thank everyone for coming out to visit our slice of the wild, wild West." "What about you?" "(MUNCHING FOOD)" "What about me what?" "Do you know yourself?" "I don't know, Archie." "I'm just here to clean." "I been on the night cleaning staff for 27 years." "I'm sorry." "No need." "I love it." "Five days a week, eight hours a day, 480 minutes, 28,600 seconds of glorious, quiet "me" time." "And now, I'm gonna give you those glorious seconds." "Um... thanks?" "Hmm." "A job like this where all you have is time, you really can get to know yourself." "You married?" "Girlfriend?" "No." "What's her name?" "Erica." "Is she beautiful?" "I don't really know." "I, uh, never met her in person." "We met online." "She was a tutor when I was inside." "You know the secret to any relationship?" " Trust?" " Know yourself." "Now, I spoke to your parole officer, and, believe me, this is the best place for you." "You have to think of this as your second chance." "You were in the pen for two years, all that noise and all that chaos?" "In here, you get solitude, not solitary confinement." "What were you in for?" "Two years." " No, what'd you do?" " I didn't do nothin'." "I sat there." "I was in jail." "No." "What put you there?" "The judge." "(CHUCKLES) Okay, I got it." "Do we have to wear this uniform?" "It's itching the hell outta me." "You ever been to Disneyland?" "What?" "No." "Come on." "I'll show you something." "ARCHIE:" "Everything you see here is to put on the illusion that people are stepping back in time to the Old West." "All the workers... the security guards, the gardeners, the chuck wagon drivers, and us, the night cleaning crew," "we have to wear these uniforms to make it more real for them." "It's a living, breathing town." "SKIP:" "So there's more night cleaning staff?" "Nope, just you." "Just me?" "Aw, come on, nothing you can't handle." "There's a few tasks." "I'll show you those." "But most everything's taken care of regular by the daily crew." "You're on your own." "That's why I keep telling you, you got to know who you are." "(CLICKS TONGUE)" "There she is." "Beautiful, ain't she?" "SKIP:" "I guess." "ARCHIE:" "Well, I thought all jailbirds found God." "SKIP:" "Well, not this one." " Apparently not." " What are these?" "Part of my authentic Western outfit?" "Yeah, every day." "What the heck are these doing here?" "Hmm." "You know, I believe that each of us has the capacity for great things." " Really?" " Big things." "What would you be willing to do to have everything you wanted?" "I don't know." "Would you be willing to give up your life as you know it?" "Your soul?" "There was this young boxer... young up-and-comer name of Tommy Novak." "Never heard of him." "Exactly, but he had aspirations, he had plans, he had talent." "And then you know what happened?" "What?" "He made some bad choices." "ANNOUNCER:" "He's nothing like the once proud boxer we remember only a decade ago." "(PUNCH LANDS)" "(PUNCH LANDS)" "(PUNCH LANDS)" "REFEREE:" "Eight, nine, ten." "It's over." "You got a minor concussion." "I don't want you sparring for a week." "TOMMY:" "Can I fight?" "Doc?" "I can't suspend you yet, and I don't want to have to go to the commission." "But I can fight, right?" " Right?" " Yeah!" "Yeah, Tommy, you can fight." "DON:" "No!" "He said I could fight." " It doesn't matter." " Don, you heard him." "It doesn't matter, Tommy, 'cause I can't get you any new fights." "No undercards, no exhibitions." "You're not a draw, Tommy." "You're a punching bag." "The last two cards, they were favors." "I've got kids on the come." "I've got contenders." "It's over." "I gotta move on, Tommy." "Don?" "All right." "I got an up-and-comer, he's gonna need some sparring." "I'll give you twenty bucks a round." "Keep you in the game." "Hurry up, old man!" "Just need some gloves." "Just need some gloves." "(SPANISH ACCENT) Tommy?" "You're no boxer." "What'd you say to me, old man?" "Give me your hands." "You're not a boxer." "Boxers score points, boxers make deals, boxers talk big, but you're not a boxer." "You're a fighter." "Boxing is the science." "Fighting is the punishment." "Are you gonna take it, or are you gonna give it?" "You... got a lot to give." "Twenty bucks." "He's so slow, I should get a senior discount." "DON:" "Come on, a workout!" "I paid for a workout!" "RAY:" "Yeah, Tommy!" "Come on, Tommy." "Don't be afraid." "Little bitch." "Oh!" "(GROANING)" "DON:" "Hey!" "What the hell are you doing?" "Stop!" "Stop it!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Get off him!" "Get off him!" "MAN:" "Wow!" "Is he okay?" "MAN 2:" "Whoa, jeez!" "DON:" "What the hell?" "Get the doctor!" "Hey!" "I do you a favor, and you pay me back with two cracked ribs and a concussion?" "Ray is gonna be out for a month!" "Hey, Don, I didn't mean to hurt him." "Yeah?" "Well, I got a problem." "Ray was my casino undercard... but after that show you put on out there, you give me an idea." "Ray was gonna fight this local Indian kid named Billy Marco." "Now, there's no way that you can beat that Marco, but if you wale on him like you just did out there in the first round, maybe the closed circuit will get picked up by the local sports feed." "And maybe... maybe you'll end up on the weekend highlights." "It's another shot." "Tommy?" "You want to fight?" "Yeah." "(CROWD CHEERING)" "And in this corner wearing black trunks and weighing in at 162 pounds," "Tommy "The Trigger" Novak!" "WOMAN: (ON TV) ...nutritionist Hayley Con... (CHANGES CHANNEL)" "WOMAN 2:" "The Dow Jones Industrial Average falls 200... (LAUGHTER)" "WOMAN 3:" "China, 86 to 79." "Turning to local sports, hometown favorite Billy Marco remains in critical condition tonight after a brutal bout with aging slugger, Tommy "The Trigger" Novak." " (TELEPHONE RINGING)" " Marco had a promising career fighting in the Golden Gloves competition, but his professional debut was marred by a variety..." "I'm not doing any more interviews at this time." "DON:" "The Trigger is back!" "I'm getting calls from the Vegas promoters." "They saw the feed." "You called it." "DON:" "Couple of more big wins, could be a main event coming our way." "What about Marco?" "DON:" "I'm not worried about Marco." "I am worried about you." "Remember you knocked out a name." "That makes you a name." " You should be happy." " TOMMY:" "I'm happy, I'm happy." "It's better than losing, I guess." "WOMAN 3:" "Marco's opponent, Tommy Novak, stunned the crowd with his third-round rally, mercilessly pummeling the champion to the canvas." "DON:" "Tommy, big things." "I got your next fight" " lined up in three weeks." " (KNOCK ON DOOR)" " You relax, take some time off." " Someone's here." "DON:" "Yeah, a little present." "(HANGS UP)" "(KNOCKING)" "Hi, Champ." "So, you gonna help me open this?" "(LAUGHS)" "(CROWD NOISE)" " Hello, Tommy." " Doc?" "Still using those old gloves, I see." "Lucky gloves." "Give me a breath." "(BREATHING)" "All right, let's take a look." "Yeah, he checks out, good to go." "Have a good fight." "I plan on it, Doc." "How you feeling?" "Feeling good?" "TOMMY:" "Feeling strong." "Good." "Well, you're looking good, baby." "You're looking really good." "Now, I want you to remember what we talked about." "In the first round, I want you to hang back." "I want you to feel him out, see what he's got." "No heavy stuff." "After the first round, Archie and Jesse, they're gonna call the shots." "You listen to them, all right?" "The girl." "What's your name?" " Lucy." " Yeah, yeah." "Wish him luck." "Good luck, Tommy." "Don't get hurt." "DON:" "Hey, you don't say that!" "You say, "Kick his ass!"" "Kick his ass." "RING ANNOUNCER:" "Now let's hear it for the middleweight fight of the evening!" " (CROWD CHEERING)" " DON:" "All right." "I feel big things, Tommy." "Big things." "Come on!" "Let's fight!" "RING ANNOUNCER:" "And now entering the arena, in a shocking comeback, Tommy "The Trigger" Novak!" " (LUCY CRYING)" " Tommy!" "Get in here!" "Jesse!" "Archie!" "You gotta work on him!" "Clean him up!" "Make sure he doesn't go into shock!" "LUCY: (CRYING) That's not supposed to happen, right?" "All right!" "You!" "Take that shit outside!" "LUCY:" "There's a dead man out there!" "They carried him out!" "DON:" "All right, they carried him out!" "Sometimes it goes down that way!" "LUCY:" "It goes down that way?" " (CELL PHONE RINGS)" " He's a killer!" "We all saw it!" "All right!" "Keep your voice down!" "I got a call here." "It's Vegas." "Yeah, Maury?" "LUCY:" "Why didn't you stop?" "Couldn't you see that he was...?" "Why didn't you stop?" "Why didn't you stop?" "(CRYING)" "I couldn't stop!" "Why didn't I stop?" "Why didn't I stop?" "Why didn't the ref call the fight?" "Don, why?" "All right, Archie, Jesse, give me a moment with my boy here." "Good." "This is a terrible thing." "It's tragic, but it comes with our line of work." "Everybody knows that." "Tommy, people are lining up." "Promoters, they want in on the Tommy Novak business." "Don, I couldn't stop!" "I couldn't stop!" "It wouldn't stop!" "I couldn't stop!" "All right, all right, you want to cry, you cry." "You want to screw that cooz, I'll bring her back in." "I'll get you another." "But you have got to work to get this out of your system." "You gotta get it together." "You gotta get ready, Tommy, for big things." "Big things." "(CELL PHONE RINGS)" "All right, I gotta take this." "Doc, give him something to calm him down." "Yeah, Maury..." "You didn't even break a sweat." "Let's get this over with." "You seen this before, right, Doc?" "No, I've never seen anything like this before." " He was dead before he hit the canvas." " There was something wrong, Doc!" "You shouldn't have let him fight!" "There was nothing wrong with him." "There was nothing wrong with Billy Marco." "How's Billy?" "Don didn't tell you?" "That figures." "He died this morning, Tommy." "They declared him brain-dead, took him off life support." "He was gone in minutes." " Congratulations on your new career." " You shove your congratulations!" "You think I don't feel nothin'?" "You think I'm proud of this?" "Prove it!" "Get in the ring without killing someone!" "Can you do that?" "MAN:" "Hey, killer." "How those gloves fit?" "Sometimes they don't fit a man's hands too good, but they fit you perfect." "Whose are they?" "Whose are they?" "They're yours, Tommy." "They ain't mine." "You're a natural fighter." "You always had it." "You always felt it." "You just needed the right gear to use it." "Now you know what you can do, what you can be." "Big things." "No." "This ain't me." "Big things." "Nah, this ain't me." "This ain't me." "Stay back." " DON:" "Tommy, what are you talking about?" " Matches!" "Matches!" "I only got a lighter." "Here." "DON:" "What the hell are you doing?" "Let it burn." "And that's why tomorrow is critical." "That Perez fight, it knocked us back a bit." "Shitty decision, huh?" "DON:" "Absolutely." "Lousy judges." "But we still got the momentum from your first two comeback fights, and we gotta build on that buzz before it's old news." "So, today, I want you to do a real workout, and I got you a good partner." "He's real hungry." "He just got back in." "He needed a little favor so he's gonna work you hard, right?" "You ready?" "Work him hard!" "(PUNCH LANDS)" "(THUNDER)" "ARCHIE:" "Hard choices define who we are." "You decide everything until Charon comes for you." " Who comes for me?" " The Boatman." "Who the hell's the Boatman?" "Exactly." "The tour continues." "Well, she doesn't exactly go with the decor, but I thought I'd show you everything." "Nice." "She's old, but she keeps on runnin'." "Her mettle has been tested." " And yours?" " My metal?" " Mmm, your gumption as a man." " My gumption." "Think of it as a... as an initiation, when a task is set before you." "(BLOWS)" "What task?" "A test." "It could come at you any time, and it always starts out simple, unassuming, like a night out with new friends, the promise of wine, women, and song." "Before you know it, it turns into something else." "Can't tell you how much I appreciate this, Clifford." "Don't mention it, Eugene." "Lodge is lucky to have you." "Don't forget, this is a feather in my cap, too." "So the initiation ceremony, there's nothing uncomfortable, right?" "No battle of endurance or hot wax paddlings?" "I told you, Eugene, I can't discuss the initiation." "Just be a sport about this." "Just bob on the wind and waves, no matter what happens." " See, now you got me worried." " No, there's no need to be, chum." "Let me tell you, it's just, don't forget, these are extremely important guys." "I mean, you met them, right?" "You liked the guys." "Yeah, yeah." "I like their little hats." "Cute." "Fez, Eugene." "They're called fez." "EUGENE:" "Fez." "CLIFFORD: (SCOFFS) "Little hats."" "(RAGTIME PIANO PLAYING)" "(MAN LAUGHING)" "So..." "So I say..." "So I say, "You're telling me!"" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Oh, say, men, I gotta vamoose." "As sergeant at arms, I'm also in charge of (CLICKS TONGUE) the entertainment." "I'll see you later?" "Nice to see you again, Eugene." "Congratulations." "Pleasure talking to you, Grover." "Well, now you're on the trolley." "Very respectful." "Was he kidding about the robes and the Sword of Discipline?" "Now, you said the initiation ceremony was strictly a milquetoast affair." "Grover is full of hooey." "I mean, maybe that's what it was twenty years ago, but..." "I mean, the only reason we bother doing the Lodge handshake anymore is because Chet Winkler spent so much time and effort after the Great War." "Anyway, listen," "I have been part of this order for ten months." "I've put on the robes three times... mice for parades and once..." "(LAUGHING) when we... we snuck over to the Moose Lodge, draped their trees with toilet tissue." "(LAUGHING)" "The Mooses were not happy, I can tell you." " Good evening, Clifford." " Ah, Fred, Linus." "Uh, Fred, you remember..." "Eugene MacClemore?" "Red letter day for you, my boy." "Red letter marked with a white star." " Good evening, Mr. Overgaard." " Manfred, please." "And after a couple of drinks, just plain Fred." "What do you say to that?" "That sounds pretty nice, Fred." "Manfred." "Clifford, I really hope I didn't overhear you discussing our competitive zeal regarding the Moose Lodge with someone outside the order." "(CHUCKLES)" "CLIFFORD:" "Please remove the stain of shame from my immortal soul." "It is with my very life's blood that I endeavor to undo that which blots the good standing of the Benevolent Byzantine Order of the Nobles of the Enigmatic Oracle." "Let's just not have that happen again, Clifford." "No, sir." "FRED:" "Now go wash up." "Yes, sir." "(CHUCKLES)" "So, Eugene, are you prepared for the initiation ceremony this evening?" "(GLASS BREAKS)" " One!" " Two!" "Three!" "ALL:" "Clumsy!" "(LAUGHTER)" "So, Eugene, are you prepared for your initiation ceremony this evening?" "Uh, yeah." "Yes, I think so." "I'm grateful for the opportunity." "I can assure you, it's a lot less intimidating than you may have been led to believe." "Really?" "I'm glad to hear that." "There's..." "There's not really paddling, is there?" "My boy, the only paddling you'll find here is the paddling of the canoe of success down the river of free enterprise and fellowship, and the Lodge is the rudder on that canoe." "No rudders on a canoe, Fred." " What?" " A canoe's got no rudder." "Well, it's certainly got a steering device of some sort," " to stay the course of industry?" " LINUS:" "Oars, Fred." "Canoe has oars." "Have you been shown around the Lodge?" "No, nope." " Please." " Okay." "FRED:" "This is our dressing room, where each member is assigned a locker where he keeps his sacred implements... his robe, minor scepter, fez block and such." "These items are never to leave the premises under any circumstances." "Never." "Unless they get dirty." "Well, yes, then they can be taken home and laundered, but otherwise..." "EUGENE:" "Hmm." "Well, well who gets the fancy locker?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Eugene?" "Can I call you Gene?" "Gene, we don't talk about this particular sacrarium." "It has its purpose, and we don't talk about it, so let's not talk about it any further." "It has its purpose, and that's as it should be." "Understood?" " Hey, guys, I apologize." " Oh, no, no." "Your ignorance is refreshing, for now." "(MEN CHANTING)" "EUGENE:" "What's all the hubbub?" "(MEN CHEERING)" "I know you fellas don't want to miss the show, and by show, I mean va-va-voom!" "(LAUGHING)" "Never mind Grover." "He's the Lodge wag, a more unrepentant wearer of the motley you'll not soon find." " Nor should you." " Well said." "Hello, boys!" "(HOOTS AND CHEERS)" "Hey." "LOLA:" "My goodness, is anyone else hot in here, or is it just me?" "MEN:" "Whoa!" "(MOUTHING WORDS)" "Say, boys, I feel like singin'." "Does anybody mind?" "(APPLAUSE)" "(WHISTLES)" "What happened to your hand, buddy?" "Excuse me, Miss, uh, where's Trixie?" "Oh, well, that." "Trixie came down with a bad case of the thrumps and a touch of milk leg." "It was sort of a last-minute thing." "But I'm Lola." "You mean, she's not coming?" "Well, what's your worry, boys?" "I mean, won't I do in a pinch?" "(LAUGHING AND SHOUTING)" "(BABY FUSSING)" "MAN:" "What's that noise?" "(FUSSING)" "I couldn't get a sitter, so sue me." "Criminy, we've never had a hooker bring in a baby here before." "Hey, who are you callin' a hooker?" "I ain't a hooker." "I'm an entertainer." "I sing, I dance, I'm very musical, but I ain't no hooker." "I'm what you would call a well-rounded entertainer." "Well-rounded?" "You're telling me!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "I got a song to do." "(MEN CLAPPING ALONG)" "♪ The Queen's daughter shook with fright ♪" "♪ Don't know what to do on my wedding night ♪" "♪ The Queen told her "Be polite" ♪" "♪ "Just close your eyes and think of England" ♪" "She's a real firecracker eh, Eugene?" "Oh, and she brought her baby along." "Wild." "Well, everybody's got a gimmick these days." "Guy at the door gave me this, Fred." "Said it was important." "(LOLA CONTINUES SINGING)" " Oh, no." " Oh, my God." "Good Lord, why tonight?" " Oh, my God, he's here." " What?" "What?" "♪ The glad rags and the giggle water ♪" "♪ Can transform a farmer's daughter ♪" "♪ From a cold fish into somethin' hot ♪" "♪ Still, I close my eyes and think of England ♪" "(OMINOUS MUSIC)" "(LOLA PLAYING TROMBONE)" "Whoa." "Why so jumpy, Lumpy?" "I think there's some trouble, Clifford." "We got a corn-fed calamity brewing, boys." "This is huge." "For what's about to transpire, I truly apologize." "Clifford, go tell the men it's full garb tonight." "Scepters and robes." "We've got a visitor from National." "Who..." "Who's here?" "MacClemore, the entertainment has to stop immediately." "Go tell Lola, the musical whore, to get in the cake and remain there and not make a sound." " Me?" " Chop chop." "(LAUGHTER)" "LOLA:" "What gives?" "EUGENE:" "Excuse me." "They want you back in the cake." " What?" " I don't know." "What gives?" "But I didn't get to my big finish yet." "EUGENE:" "How do you think I feel?" "Where'd you learn how to play the trombone?" "Gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce that we have a special guest with us to enjoy this reverent night of celebration, commitment, and obedience." "He's making his first appearance in the state in over ten years, and he's agreed to officiate the ceremony tonight." "Floyd Marley, for the last thirty years, has overseen... (GUNSHOT)" "(MEN GASPING)" "No more stalling, Manfred." "Why are these men not robed?" "Why are they not wearing their sacred implements?" "Is there not to be an initiation tonight?" "FRED:" "Yes, Floyd... uh, Mr. Marley, there is." "This is the newest member of the order, Eugene MacClemore." "Not a member yet." "Scheduled for seven p.m., is that correct?" "Yes, sir, seven p.m. Yes." "FLOYD:" "That is eight minutes from now." "All the windows and all the doors will be shackled, per the charter, and all the men will be prepared and obedient." "Now go!" "Go!" "Go, go, go, go, go!" "FLOYD:" "Gentlemen, we begin." "I had no notion of how far this chapter has slipped in the last few years, so it is imperative that we start anew, that we re-establish this Lodge with a sacrifice... the blood of the innocent." "Gavin, see what you can do about the telephone." "I think we need to be incommunicado." "Mr. MacClemore, tonight you will lead the cleansing of this Lodge... (GAVIN CHOPPING AT PHONE) with its lethargy and something else." "(GUNSHOT, PHONE CLANKS)" "FLOYD:" "Mr. MacClemore, you have the enviable responsibility of cleansing this Lodge, sir, of its misdeeds and its lethargy." " Sir, what exactly does that entail?" " Silence!" "Silence." " The more you speak..." " (GROVER GASPS)" " (GROVER GROANS)" " The more corrupted your blood becomes." "And only the blood that is least corrupted will adequately cleanse this Lodge." "Um, when you say blood, do you really mean..." "FLOYD:" "And tonight, in this place, there is no blood more innocent than yours." "(BABY CRYING)" "FLOYD:" "Well, well, I stand corrected." "What child is this?" "(SHOUTING) What child is this?" "It's my child, all right?" "Mine." "And who talks like that?" ""What child is this?"" "A whore?" "You dare defile and sully this institution with a whore?" "Who you callin' a whore, you goblin?" "Actually, sir, she's not a whore." "She's an entertainer." "LINUS:" "A well-rounded entertainer." "FLOYD:" "A well-rounded entertainer." "Is that supposed to be funny?" "In his defense, it got a pretty big laugh earlier." "I don't care what kind of laugh it got!" "(GROVER COUGHING)" "FLOYD:" "I want to know why..." " Oh, jeez!" " It's his heart again!" "Ahh!" "Take your place, sir." "LINUS:" "Let us get him to the hospital!" "EUGENE:" "Closest hospital's twenty minutes away." "FRED:" "Let's just get him out of here." "FLOYD:" "No!" "No!" "No one leaves!" "Nobody leaves once the ceremony has begun." "But Grover will die if he..." "Aah!" "Insubordination!" "Intolerable!" "EUGENE:" "I don't mean any disrespect, sir, but I'm willing to forego the ceremony..." "FLOYD:" "And it spreads like cancer!" "(GROANS)" "Hey, Cliff, are you okay?" "I'm sorry, Eugene." "It looks like we're both out." "That's fine with me." "This guy's off his nut!" "Well, actually, within the confines of the organization, he's extremely reasonable." " (GASPS)" " Oh!" "Clifford!" "Aah!" "Oh, Clifford!" "Hey!" "Extremely reasonable." "(EUGENE GASPS)" "Disobedience, insubordination should be cut out like a cancer!" "Only then can the healing begin." "You murderer!" "You killed a man in cold blood in front of all these people!" "Get..." "Call the police." "There's gotta be another phone." "There's a different set of laws inside the order, Eugene." "Oh, yeah, you're telling me." "Get out of here." "Get out of here." "Now, on your knees!" "FRED:" "No!" "No!" "(GROANS) No!" "You don't need a gun, Eugene." "You need discipline." "Oh, son of a bitch." "Take this man to the dressing room and leave him there until the ceremony is over." "Now hand me the Grand Paddle of Fellowship and prepare the wax." "EUGENE:" "You son of a bitch." "All right!" "Let's..." "Let's not act rashly, my boy." "This could affect your standing in the Lodge." "CLIFFORD: (GROANING) No, Gene, don't!" "Hey, take it easy, buddy." "Hey, what are you doing?" "Stay down, stay down." "Stay down." "Are you enjoying the party?" "What?" " Hey." " Well, fancy that." "(GROANS)" "(LAUGHS) Well, hello, ladies!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "EUGENE:" "You bastards!" "You know, you could give a guy a heart attack!" "Oh, ha ha ha!" "Of all the childish, immature boner moves!" "This takes the gravy boat!" "CLIFFORD:" "Take it easy, Eugene." "It was just a joke." "You're in, MacClemore!" "You passed the initiation." "I don't think I want to have anything to do with your ridiculous little lodge!" "FLOYD:" "Measure your words, MacClemore." "Don't make me use this." "(CHUCKLES)" "Oh, you're gonna blackball me?" "Well, isn't that the bunk?" "Hey, why don't you stick that black ball right up your smokestack, duck arms!" "(GASPING)" "Nobody talks to Floyd Marley that way!" "Oh!" "Uh..." "FLOYD:" "Gentlemen... this night will not see the expansion of the order, but rather the branding of the unworthy." "Take him!" " EUGENE:" "Wait a minute!" " Bind him and gag him!" "Hey, stop!" "This is another joke, right?" "Wait a minute!" "Floyd, that's fine to have him measured up, but you should lighten up on the initiation some." "Nonsense!" "This sort of tomfoolery would lay a man bare, and I wouldn't give two figs for a man who can't take a joke!" "Gavin, let's go." "(DOOR CREAKS)" "We're through, Grover." "You can get up now." "LINUS:" "What the hell?" "(BABY CRYING)" "Don't you come near my baby, any of you." "It's the whore!" "FRED:" "Did you do this to Grover?" " What?" " FRED:" "Stab him!" " Oh, that?" "Yeah." " FRED:" "Why?" "'Cause he had something I needed." "(FLOYD CHUCKLES)" "Gavin." "You're... you're..." "you're mistaken, my dear." "(EUGENE'S MUFFLED GROANS)" "FLOYD:" "It's all over." "(MUFFLED PLEAS)" "It's all over." "You're telling me." "(GUNSHOT)" "ARCHIE:" "You have to be aware, Skip, my boy... aware of the things around you." "Life teaches you a great many things, but if you're not aware, you miss out." "You know?" "No, I don't know." "Here we have the Wicked Saguaro Saloon." "Got your clipboard right here." "Little boxes." "Just mark your Xs when you finish your task, put it back up on the nail." "It's real simple, not brain surgery." " All right." " Do you read, Skip?" " What do you mean, do I read?" " It's a simple question." "Do you read?" " Yeah, of course, I read." " Number one, find the joy in reading, 'cause all the knowledge of the world is available to you, and it's best found through books." "Number two, read the works of James Baldwin." "Okay." "ARCHIE:" "James Baldwin said," ""You think your pain and your heartbreak" ""are unprecedented in the history of the world, and then you read." ""It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me to all people."" "Life sometimes is very much like a book, Skip." "It's got a beginning and a middle and an end." "You just have to know where you're at." "Sometimes you think you're at the end, and you're only at the beginning." " BOY'S VOICE:" "Uncle!" " WOMAN'S VOICE:" "Thanks for babysitting!" "BOY'S VOICE:" "Uncle!" " WOMAN'S VOICE:" "Drive safe." " BOY'S VOICE:" "Uncle!" " MAN'S VOICE:" "Drive safe." " (TIRES SCREECH)" "WOMAN'S VOICE:" "I'd love somebody to come over." "(TIRES SKID, CAR CRASHES)" "(SIRENS)" "MAN'S VOICE:" "He's going to live, but he's paralyzed from the waist down." "JACK:" "I hope you haven't been drinking." "What?" "JACK:" "I said, I hope you haven't been drinking." "It's 11:50." "That makes ten minutes till midnight, right?" "Okay, go." "Uh, 'cause if you've been drinking, the fall probably won't kill you." "What are you talking about?" "Look, statistics show that 80% of all incidents involving alcohol and falling are non-fatalities, 'cause your body's so comfortable, it forgets to panic." "Panic is what kills." "Your body gets all tense, so when you hit, crunch, you know?" "Who..." "Who are you?" "So if your body forgets to panic, you'll hit a lot better." "You're kind of bouncy, more flexible." "Usually doesn't kill you, but it busts you up pretty good." "You know, like going limp?" "So if... (CHUCKLES) if you've been drinking, you'll be in the hospital in three hours and home in a week." "And that's cool if that's the point you're trying to make." "Look, I have no idea what you're talking about." "Who are you?" "Well, that doesn't matter but for you, I'll make something up." "My name is Jack, okay?" "I mean, it's irrelevant as soon as you take that first step," " but, okay, we'll go with Jack." " Fine, Jack." "You want Jack?" "Well, me, I'm here on a bet, but that's not important." "It's what you want." "What I want?" "You know, that is the seventh question you've asked me?" "You have an awfully inquisitive nature for someone who's about to plunge to his death." "What do you care?" "Eight, and I don't really." "Look, I don't really have a lot of time here, so let's get on with it, shall we?" " Wait!" "Just stay right there!" "Step back!" " Calm down." "It's not what you think." "If I wanted to bum-rush you, I would have done it already." "Besides, you're not that cute." "Look, just listen to me for another eight minutes, thirty seconds more, and I will take off, I promise, Scout's honor, all that." "I'll stay right here." "And I'm not gonna talk you out of anything, 'cause I don't want that." "Fine." "What do you want?" "Well, I'll tell you, I want to show you how to do it." "That didn't sound right." "I, um..." " I want to show you how to do it properly." " What are you talking about?" "Come on down here, and I'll tell you." "Man, I'm not doing anything." "I'm fine." "Just leave, okay?" "I'll give you $100." "$100 to come down here and talk to me." "For two measly minutes, 100 bucks." "Come on." "No, no, no!" "No, thank you, Jack." "Thank you, I'm fine." "Just please leave, okay?" "Lesson number one, for free." "You didn't take the money, but you did think about it, and that's a lack of total resolve, my friend." "Even though you only considered it for a quarter of a second, it still represents a mindset that is not absolute, and in order to do it properly, it requires, number one, absolute mindset." "You might as well step down." "Because I was just..." "I was just looking at the city, man." "It's no big deal, okay?" "It doesn't matter." "I realize it's cool to dodge and evade, but you do that with stupid people." "I don't like to be insulted." "And I'm telling you, it does matter." "Everything you do means something." "It's like your signature." " My signature?" " Yeah, your signature." "You're doing it again." "Try to stay with me." "This is the thing that goes at the bottom of your page, man." "This is the last chance you have to affect the world around you." "I mean, if it's over anyway, then going out in style, that's the way to go." "Man, I just made a mistake." "I gotta go." "The shoes, they're a nice touch." "Shows some thought." "Doesn't really express anything." "What did you mean by it?" "Nothing." "See, there's your problem." "Think you're being all clever, leaving a special message." "You think it's an answer." "It just raises questions." "What did you mean by this?" "Well, look, why do you want to know?" "Just answer the question." "It was for the people in the Center and for the group, okay?" "Go on." "Okay, when you go to the Crisis Center they take away your shoes, and all day you walk around in socks or bare feet or whatever." "No shoes." "They take them when you arrive, so they figure you won't run away if you don't have them." "And I took them off because I wanted them to know that I couldn't make it on my own, so I took off my shoes." "But what does it mean?" "It means I'm part of something, okay?" "The people at the Center will understand." " I gotta go." " Don't patronize me, William!" "You're just gonna jump off some other the roof, and that would be a damn waste if you ask me." " How do you know my name?" " I'll get to that." "But first, let's get one thing straight." "I've done my homework." "I know that you checked out of that hospital two days ago after a two-week stay for attempted overdose." "Yeah, we read your file." "You have a really bad way of talking me out of this." "That's just it, William." "I'm not trying to talk you out of anything." "I'm here to help you do it more, uh, spectacularly." " What are you talking about?" " You know, going out with a bang." "I'm with an organization called The Suicide Club." "We go around the country, and we help plan elaborate suicides." "(LAUGHING)" "This is a joke, right?" "No. (LAUGHING)" "This is very, very firmly believed in by me and my fellow members." "You were hand-picked as someone who..." "who really wants to die." "You're perfect." "But I gotta tell you, though, you gotta lose the fear." "Perfect example." "This is what we were talking about earlier..." "Japan." "When were we talking about Japan?" "I'm gonna tell you..." "Japan." "Really big on the big "S."" "Not so much now, but historically, man, oh, man, you can't go three pages in any book on ancient Japan without reading about some king or noble or lover killing themselves." "They ritualized suicide like an art form." "Long sword, kneel down, say a quick prayer, slice, dice." " It was beautiful." " You think hari-kari is beautiful?" "No." "No, the conviction of it." "The determination, the style of it." "Those nuts altered the entire world's view of the Japanese." "I swear to God, they instilled in their people a sense of dignity and honor." "Do you know what the point of no return is?" "No." " The point of no return." " You mean, when you can't turn back?" "When it's too late to turn back, that's right." "One quick slice from the left to the right across the abdomen." "You know what happens next, William?" "All your intestines fell out on the floor." "(CHUCKLES)" "And all you have to do now is watch yourself bleed to death." "That's the point of no return." "That's conviction." "That's honor and dignity, all because of a few ritualistic suicides." " Never thought about it that way before." " Well, maybe you should." "Let's flip it around on you now." "How is your conviction, hmm?" "What is this... this... this message that you're trying to leave?" " Um, Jack?" " Bill?" "I have to say that I haven't understood a thing that you said today, okay?" "And, personally, I think you need more help than I do, but I have my own problems to deal with." "I can't help you, okay?" "So let's just part our merry ways and just say good night, okay?" "No, I can't let you do that." "You don't have any choice in what I do, Jack!" "Exactly what point during my last 7-minute and 42-second oration did I say you had a choice, it being my assignment?" "I have a bet, remember?" "I have exactly two minutes and thirteen seconds for you to be dead." "You have a bet that I'm gonna kill myself?" "What can I say?" "We get a little overzealous in our work." "Now I have twelve grand riding on you, so there's no walking away." " Hey, what are you doing with that?" " How about one of those mysterious murders with a lot of weird, abstract clues that no one ever solves, but you read about them in all those true crime magazines?" " Could you just put the gun down?" " Hey, I haven't killed you yet." "Now, quiet." "Now, listen, you were chosen for various reasons." "You have the conviction, but balls?" "Balls, you don't really got those." " What?" " I know, I know." "You're scared." "You're startled by the harsh reality of it, and that's okay." "You have it all but the chutzpah." "That's where I come in." "I don't want this, Jack!" "William, you're talking to a professional here." "Don't lie to me." "No, I don't want this, Jack." "I don't want to die, Jack!" "It's not that I don't have the guts." "It's I'm having a doubt, Jack." "I'm having doubts." "It's just a case of cold feet masquerading as doubt." " You want to die." "I know it." " Maybe I don't." "Please!" "You have one foot out the door, man!" "You have been for a long time!" "I see it in your eyes!" " Jack, you're wrong, you're wrong." " Oh, really?" "I don't think so." "I mean, you don't see it now, but this is perfect." "Your reluctance, your rationalization, it's just a knee-jerk reaction to the survival instinct, and that's okay." "That's where me and my club come in." "Among other things, we're your backbone, man." "We're gonna make sure that you get what you want." "Trust me." " I don't want this." " William, it's gonna be quick." "I'm gonna leave enough evidence around to keep them guessing for years." "No, I don't want this, Jack!" "I don't want to die!" "William, what do you have to live for, huh?" "What do you have to live for?" "I'm sorry!" "We're on a schedule!" "We kind of need to wrap this up!" "Jack, no, no!" "Please!" "I don't want..." "I don't want to die!" "You wanted to swan dive off that ledge ten minutes ago!" "Point of no return, William, remember?" "I'm sorry." "You're just lying to yourself anyway." "No, I'm not lying!" "I want to live, Jack!" "I want to live!" "Don't you lie to me." "You can lie to yourself, but not to me." "You know why?" "'Cause I know, I know!" "You can't fool the reaper, William!" "I have seen his face, and I have lived to tell about it." "So don't you lie to me!" "I'm not lying!" "I want to live!" "I want to live!" "Well, you better prove it in the next forty-five seconds." " What do you have to live for?" " (CRYING) Okay, okay!" " Forty-four, forty-three..." " Okay, okay!" " Thirty, twenty-nine..." " Um... um..." "Play-Doh!" "Play-Doh!" "(SOBBING)" "JACK:" "Go on." "Every Saturday, I go to my sister's house, and I baby-sit her son." "He's six, and he doesn't have the use of his legs, and it kills me, and he doesn't even complain, okay?" "And after dinner, we go out to the patio to this little card table, and we play with Play-Doh, okay?" "We play with Play-Doh!" " JACK:" "And?" " He..." "He gets so serious, you know." "I mean, he makes the greatest things." "He's..." "The little people and the places, you know." "And, uh, he..." "He's glued to the chair, you know?" "And he makes the greatest things." "JACK:" "And this makes you want to live why?" "'Cause I started thinking about, you know, he's six, and so in a sense, he's shaping his life, you know." "And I started thinking about the Play-Doh is his life." "Like, he can make anything out of it, right?" "And all you gotta do is wo... work at it." "Like, every morning, you wake up, and you could just do something new." "You... you..." "You just have to work at it, okay?" "And he's stuck in that wheelchair every day, and he just sits there, man." "And..." "And he's going on these amazing adventures in his mind." "JACK:" "Well, time's up." "BOY'S VOICE:" "Uncle, did you see the cowboy I made?" "It gives me hope." "Well, I don't believe you." "Hope ain't enough." "It is for me." "(CLICK)" "(CRYING)" "JACK:" "You really believe that?" "Yeah, I do." "Well, good." "I want you to remember that always." "Don't let it fade." "Don't forget it." "Don't discard it ever." "You remember about hope, and you think about that the next time you want to just throw away this beautiful gift we've been given." "Damn, right on time." "I even surprise myself!" "(LAUGHS)" "Oh, hey, if you ever see anyone who's like you are now, pass it along." "Welcome to The Suicide Club." "(CHUCKLES)" "(JACK LAUGHING)" "ARCHIE:" "So which one are you... predator or prey?" "This is gonna be a replica of the Birdcage Theater in old Tombstone, Arizona." "Under construction, but it's coming along." " SKIP:" "Yeah?" "That's great." " Hey, you know what happened when the hunter decided to poke the hibernating bear with a stick?" " Well, I'm gonna take a guess." " All right." " I'll venture a guess." " All right." "I'll bet that the park ranger, he started to tell the hunter a story, and then he told him another story, and then he just wouldn't shut up." "He said, "Life is full of consequences and choices you have to make,"" "until the park ranger made him pass out from sheer boredom!" " Is that what happened?" " Son, you are catching on." "The bear woke up early and had himself a breakfast... mancakes and syrup." "Yeah?" "Does this remind you of that story, huh?" "The stick?" "Does this remind you of a story?" "Does this bottle remind you of a story?" "Huh?" "How about this?" "The hammer, piece of wood?" "I will bet that this reminds you of a story, too." "Dang right it does." "It probably reminds me of the most important story of all." " You have got to be kidding me!" " Everything has a story, son." " Really?" " Yeah." " You could relate to this one, can't you?" " How's that?" " You were in the pen, right?" " Yeah." " You spent some time in jail?" " Uh-huh." "This is about consequences." "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, the experts say." "I found this to be a little less than true." "Most reactions aren't equal at all." "They escalate until there's only one side left, and you best hope that's the side that you're on." "(CHAIR SCRAPING)" "(THUNDER)" "(RAIN FALLING OUTSIDE)" "(COUGHING)" "(SPANISH ACCENT) The beautiful reek of a woman as she begins to stir from her karma coma." "Her body is weak." "Her hands are bound." "She looks confused." "And now she looks at me as if she wants to say something." "Why am I here?" "Who are you?" "Having nothing of interest to say," " Patricia can only grasp at straws." " How do you know my name?" "And he begins his game." "Excuse me, um, Patricia... if you don't mind," "I am the one who says the questions." "Who is this to you?" "Ah, Patricia, I'm going to ask you one more time." " Who..." " (WOMAN COUGHING)" "Coughing now interrupts them." "And Patricia, who is shaking like a little leaf, looks into the darkness to find another this one, struggling to find a sitting position, looking stupid." "And now you can see a glimpse of recognition in Patricia's eyes." "What the hell am I doing here?" "Um, excuse me, Rachel, as I told Patricia," "I am the one who says the questions." "RACHEL:" "To hell with your questions!" "Let me out of here!" "Get these off of me!" "She makes demands as if she's in charge, and now her rage even enhances her pallor, which makes her more attractive." "You touch me, and I will rip your skin off." "(LAUGHING)" "Oh, Rachel, you're mad." "How did you come up with something like that?" "I mean, the way you... you take my skin... it's so brilliant." "Yeah." "Who is this to you?" "I don't know." "Who is it to you?" "God!" "Get me out of here, you freak!" "RACHEL:" "You..." "You had something to do with this." "(SILENCED GUNSHOTS)" "I am the one who says the questions!" "(WOMAN CRYING)" "Ay, Marcia." "Little Marcia." "Was I being too loud for you?" "Marcia, can you get up?" " Get up." " Aah!" "Get up!" "Get up!" " Get up!" "Get up on there!" " (CRYING)" "Can I introduce you to Patricia and Rachel?" "Who is this to you?" "No hablo inglés." "(I don't speak English)" "Ah, no habla inglés." "(Ah, you don't speak English.)" "¿No sabes?" "(You don't know?" ")" "Okay." "(SCREAMS)" "(SOBBING)" "Oh, please, you have another foot." "You'll live." "(MARCIA MOANS)" "Keep it up." "Keep it up." "A little higher." "(MOANING)" "(CRYING)" " Do you speak English now?" " Please don't kill me." "(CRYING) Please." "Well, I think you now know, at least the two of you, whose place this is, right?" "Right?" "It belongs to Harvey Bush." "Good-looking... (CHUCKLES) wealthy heir to Bush Publications, known as an adultering womanizer." "A real canker of a man, no?" "Your husband, your boyfriend, and your boss." "Breakfast, lunch, dessert." "Oh, come on, please." "Don't act so oblivious." "It's not going to help you." " He's dead." " Yes, he was killed." "Yes, he was killed... by one of you." "Why?" "(MOCKING) Why?" "Marcia asks a stupid question, "Why?"" "when the real question of the night is, why did you hire me to kill Harvey?" "Please speak into the recorder so I can hear you." "Why are you using a recorder?" "I tell you." "I'm writing a book, and I use this for research, authenticity." "Life, death... so much better than a stupid imagination." "Listen to this." "HARVEY: (ON RECORDING) Which one of those bitches hired you?" "Come on, I'll pay double." "Please don't kill me." "ARMANDO: (ON RECORDING) Harvey pleads for his life as the predator paces before him." "HARVEY:" "No, no, no." "Please, please, I'm begging you." "I'm begging you." "Anything you want." "Anything you want!" "ARMANDO:" "And now only seconds left." "He aims at Harvey's head." "HARVEY:" "It was Rachel, wasn't it?" " No, please, no!" " (SILENCED GUNSHOT)" "That bastard." "ARMANDO: (ON RECORDING) Now blood spurts from his wound." "(STOPS RECORDING)" "ARMANDO:" "Rachel now burns like a Roman candle." "I can sense a confession leaping from her lips." "(SPITS)" "Rachel, you're mad." "Psycho wannabe." "ARMANDO:" "Ah!" "The real psychos are the ones who hire the hit men to kill their boyfriends or their husband." "Why'd you hire me to kill your husband?" " I didn't." "I loved him." " Oh, time-out." "That is like the perfect title of a movie." "No, wait, I got one better." "How about this?" "I Love Him to Death." "I loved him!" "He was a bastard, but he was my husband." "Here's an argument... you love him because he's your husband, or do you love him because he refused to give you a divorce?" "You're right." "He refused me a lot of things... children, a career." "He refused to hide his whores." "He refused to put my name on his accounts, on his retirement, on his life insurance." "He refused me a lot of things." "I wasn't a happy woman, but I didn't want to have him killed." "Unhappiness is a pretty good reason." "Speaking of unhappy, what about you, Rachel?" "Huh?" "Come on." "(SCOFFS)" "All the broken promises, the lonely nights, the pictures of you naked that he put on the internet?" "Tell me, how does it feel to be a piece of candy nobody wants to eat?" "(SCREAMING)" "(GROANS)" "(GASPING)" "Ay, Rachel." "Ay Dios." "(Ah, Rachel." "Oh, God)" "You're just mad." "How about you, Marcia?" "Did you hire me?" "I wouldn't even know how to contact someone like you." "ARMANDO:" "Marcia." "Once again, Harvey's secretary is lying." "No, I'm not lying." "I don't even have any money." "ARMANDO:" "But you did, quite a lot of it, every single week deposited automatically into your account." "He stopped, okay?" "He stopped." "One day, he just stopped." "Oh, and why did he stop, liar?" "We were..." "We were going to have a baby." "That's why he stopped." "He didn't want it." "Okay." "No motive here." "Very nice." "(CHAIR CLATTERING)" "Very nice!" "What?" "You think I was born yesterday?" "You all had motive, yet none of you did it!" "You know, I'll tell you something." "I find it hard to believe." "'Cause after all the people Harvey knew, you were the three people that he scorned the most." "What's really hard to believe is how you know so much about us, yet you don't know who hired you." "The reason, Rachel, is because the person who contacted me..." " (FINGER CRACKS)" " Disguised their voice with this." " You know, it worked so well - (MOANING)" "(DISTORTED) I had to get one myself!" "(GROANS)" "You need a confession from one of us." "You were sloppy or something, and you need an alibi." "You accuse me of trying to seek a confession, but the truth of the matter is, I'm looking for a real ending!" "(MOANS)" "You know, in the first chapter of my memoirs... there is a part I call "the cleaning."" "It is the process of the before and after I take an assignment." "Now, when I was cleaning Harvey, I found this key." "You see?" "And this key belongs to Harvey's locker, which is right behind me." "Its contents?" "Very valuable." "No importance to me." "But I guarantee you, it's got great value to one of you." "So you have to, in your own words, tell me why you wanted Harvey dead." "The most convincing... (KISS) gets the key, and the least convincing... let's just say, it's the last chapter." "Record." "MARCIA:" "I did it." "He was a bastard." "I never loved him." "Those pictures?" "He tricked me." "He said that they were for a screen test or something, and when I found out he put them on the internet, I called you." "MARCIA:" "I was never pregnant." "I just said that to try to keep him." "I just wanted his money." " Unconvincing." " No!" "(RACHEL SCREAMS)" "Who's next?" "PATRICIA:" "I was a prisoner." "Don't believe her!" "She had it so good." "He wanted his wedding ring." "If I couldn't have him to myself, nobody could." "PATRICIA:" "No, no." "He just did that to keep his playthings from getting too close." "He made me do things with him and other women on camera." "PATRICIA:" "He would have never asked me to do those things." "Do you know how many times I sat in my apartment with a $200 dress and a new haircut only to stare at the clock all night?" "PATRICIA:" "I had twenty clocks in my house, nine televisions, forty-five paintings, and I could tell you how many hangers were in my closet." "Oh, sure." "A luxurious mansion, servants, an endless bank account." "You must have been so lonely." "At least she wasn't constantly built up and promised things..." " You make it seem like I had a life." " Only to be crushed." " I was good for him, and he knew it..." " That is so funny." "But he always just used me like toilet paper and went home to her!" "I wasn't a trophy." "I was an accessory." "(LAUGHING)" "Do you wish that you had my life?" "(LAUGHING)" "So that you could never talk to your family or your friends?" "Oh, boo-hoo." "He gave me nothing!" "He strung me along and humiliated me." "It had to end." "And he beat me!" "(LAUGHING)" "That's a lie." "That is so not his style." "I just wish one time he would have beaten me." "That way, I could have grabbed the nearest candlestick or vase or plate and smashed his brains in." "But he controlled me the best way he knew how... by dangling a lick of freedom in front of my face every day." "Every day." "(CRYING)" "No!" "No." "RACHEL:" "No!" "Go." "No!" "I deserve this." "I deserve this!" "I deserve this!" "Aah!" "HARVEY:" "Hello, sweetheart." "(GUNSHOT)" "(GASPING)" "I never suspected it would be you." "You bitch." " What?" " Ah, no, it's just that I'm so dissatisfied, a little, you know?" "Because don't you think it's so cliché, the scorned wife?" "What are you saying?" "I'm saying it's just that, you know, maybe it's, like, kind of obvious." "You got what you wanted." "We had an agreement." "You got the killer ending to your book, and I'll publish it." "So, what?" "What else do you want?" " What else do I want?" " Yeah, what else do you want?" "A surprise twist." "I'm just kidding. (LAUGHING)" "Ohh!" "That's not..." "What are you laughing about?" " I thought it was funny." " You had me scared." "I thought you were actually gonna..." "I like to play jokes on you sometimes." " I apologize." " Oh, boy!" " Okay, no more, no more." " No more." "(GUNSHOTS)" "That's not very uplifting." "(CHUCKLES)" " Rarely is." " Whatever." "Sweep the place up, take out the trash, and, uh, wipe down the lockers once a night." "Here's your logbook." " Wipe 'em down, huh?" " Yeah." " I think you missed yours." " No, every one but that one." " What's so special about your..." " Don't touch my locker, please?" " Can I clean it?" " No." "By the way, here's your keys." "Almost forgot." "What's the spiffy red one for?" "Well, that's the master key to the lockers." "Now, I'll be back in the morning before you go, so if you got any questions, just throw them at me then." " I got it." " All right." "Skip?" " Uh..." " What?" "All right, I said enough." "Man, that guy needs to get out more." "(OMINOUS MUSIC)" "Aw, screw it." ""Don't touch my locker."" ""Don't even look in my locker."" "Can I spit in your locker, Archie?" "(SPITS)" "Big deal." "(CRICKETS CHIRPING)" "(CLANK)" "Hello?" "Archie?" "(CLANK)" " Aah!" " Aah!" "Who are you?" " I'm Skip." " I'm Skip." " No, I'm Skip." " No, I'm Skip." " I'm Skip, too." " I'm Skip, too." " Stop." "No, you stop!" " No, you stop!" "This is crazy." "Seriously." "(HANDS CLASP)" "So, uh, what?" "You're, uh..." "You're me, then?" "Prove it." "When did Mom die?" "That's a trick question." "She's not dead." "Where did Dad die?" "Front seat of the Capri, drunk as always." " What was his favorite drink?" " Jack Daniel's." " What's the most important thing to you?" " Honesty." "(SCOFFS)" "You gotta be kidding." "It's right there in your breast pocket." " You are me." " You are me." "Okay." "So, how's it going?" "It sucks... like always." "You?" "Yeah, the same here." "So how about them Braves, huh?" "Love 'em." "Yeah, I can't wait to see them sweep tomorrow." "Yeah." "Wait, they don't play tomorrow." "Against Tampa, last game of the three-game series." "No." "No, that... that game was tonight." "No, man, tonight was game two." "I know 'cause my brother-in-law" " loves Tampa." " Loves Tampa and won't shut up about it." " Yeah, that game was tonight." " Wait, wait, wait." "What day is it?" " It's Thursday." " No, it's not." "It's Wednesday." " No, I think I know what day it is." " Well, you might want to check a calendar." "I don't need to check a calendar." "I watched the game." " How many runs they win by?" " Three runs." "Really?" "Well, whatever, Nostradamus." "Look, I got a lot of cleaning to do, so, no offense, but same time tomorrow." "No." "Hey, wait, wait, wait!" "I got a lot of cleaning to do, too, you know." "(KNOCK KNOCK)" "Hey, buddy, how's it going?" "You, uh..." "Oh." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "You know, It was..." "It was getting itchy." "Couldn't deal with it anymore." "You, uh..." "You know, if you don't mind me saying so, you look like shit." "Well, uh..." "Uh, to be honest with you, I didn't really sleep last night." "You know, I..." "I don't really feel like eating." "It's weird." "Uh, this thing's kind of got me all freaked out." "You know, I keep forgetting stuff, important stuff." "I totally screwed up tonight." " Like what?" "What happened?" " SKIP:" "Oh, never mind." "Hey, hey, hey, come on now." "Come on now, this is me you're talking to here." "I mean, this is you you're talking to here." "Yeah." "I had our date... our date with Erica tonight." "She's 300 pounds, isn't she?" "No, I knew that picture wasn't real the moment I saw it." "SKIP:" "No, no, it was nothing like that." "She emailed me last night." " Today." " And she wanted to meet... only it turns out that there's two of the damn places, and I'm at the wrong one by mistake." "By the time I figured it out," "I got there, like, an hour and thirteen minutes late." "She must have thought I was some loser convict who stood her up." "I got there just in time to see her leave with some other guy." "Man." "You know what the worst part is?" "She's gorgeous, just like her picture." "Which one were you supposed to go to again?" "Corner of Fifth and Moore." "Fifth and Moore, right." "Okay." "See ya." "Hey!" "Wait!" "Where you going?" "We gotta talk about this!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey, Skip, you lose something?" "What'd you just say?" "You ought to take better care of stuff, huh?" "(CLICKS TONGUE)" "You're two minutes late." "Hey, open up." " (KNOCKS)" " Open up your side!" "Hey!" "Open up!" "I know you're there!" " Okay, okay, slow down!" "Take it easy!" " What are you doin' over there, huh?" "'Cause I'm..." "I'm really messed up over here." "All right." "What the hell is that on your neck?" "What?" "Oh, uh, I burned myself ironing." "You don't iron." "You hooked up with Erica, didn't you?" "You went back, and you hooked up with Erica." "You bastard!" "Come on now." "Easy." "All right." "Listen to me!" "There is something seriously wrong here!" "Okay?" "I'm not..." "I'm not sleeping, I can't..." "I can't think straight." "I can't hold anything down." "This is wrong!" "Okay, okay, okay, okay." "Look, I have got a plan that is gonna take care of this." "You're gonna love it, okay?" "It's gonna fix everything, I promise." "A plan?" "What plan?" "What?" "The lottery." "That's it." "Yeah. (CHUCKLES)" "Yeah, now you're talkin'." "Okay, all right." "I just got to, um..." "Just stay there." "Wait right there, okay?" "Just wait right there." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Okay." "These are tomorrow's lottery numbers." "All right." "Okay." "Now, tomorrow, here's the plan." "Plan?" "There ain't no plan." " Thanks." " What?" "Come back here!" "You can't do this to me!" "Damn it!" "(CHOKING)" " You talking to yourself, Skip?" " Hey, Drex." "Been lookin' all over town for you, man." "I thought you, uh, skipped town on me!" "You wouldn't do that, would you?" "No, I wouldn't do that." " I just didn't know you was looking for me." " DREX:" "Hey, hey, hey," " where's my money, Skip?" " What money?" "My $25,000!" "That stash you gave to the cops cost me 25 grand." "I didn't even know what I was delivering, man." "And why does that matter to me?" "Come on, man." "I did twenty-four months for that, and I didn't even rat you out!" "What am I, your shrink now, Skip?" "Where's my money?" "Okay." "Okay!" "I'm coming into some money." "I'm coming into some money." "I... (GASPING)" "I can get it." "I'm coming in, okay?" "Soon." " Now we're talking, Skip." " No problem." "I can get it." "Hey, hey." "I'm not being unreasonable here, am I?" " No, man, you're being cool, actually." " DREX:" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "You're being cool." "Being cool." "Which is why I'm gonna give you 24 hours to come up with my money." " 24 hours?" "Drex!" " 24 hours to come up with my money, or we're gonna have some problems, Skip." "If you don't got my money, you're a dead man." "Come on." "Okay?" "You got that?" "Yeah, I got it." "Ohh!" "(COUGHING)" "What we got here, Skip?" "Nice." "Look at that." "Vintage." "Very nice." "No, better yet, I'm gonna help you out, Skip." "Just a little reminder." "So twenty-four hours from now, when you hear this," "I'm either 25 Gs richer... (WATCH BEEPING) or your time's up." "(DROPS WATCH)" "(CRYING)" " Archie?" " Hey, Skip." "Man, you're not looking so good." "What's up?" " Please, you gotta help me." " What's the matter?" "I can't sleep, and there's this guy that's gonna come, and he's gonna kill me." "Who's gonna kill you?" " My life is backwards." "It's all wrong." " I know." "I been trying to..." "He is sucking what little good I had left out of my life before this started." "And you have to help me!" "You've gotta help me get my life back, Archie!" " Listen to me!" " Please help me!" "This is it!" "This is it!" "This is what I been telling you!" "You just failed to hear it!" "Now, you gotta get yourself together and figure this out, okay?" "Son, you gotta make the choice." "You decide everything." "The choice is yours." "Stop missing the point." "(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)" "(CHUCKLING)" "I know you're there." "I know you're in there." "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "Come on, open up your side." "Open up your side!" "Open up, you son of a bitch!" "I know you're in there!" "I know you're there!" "Open up!" "Open up!" "Open your side!" "Open your side!" "Open it!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Easy, Turbo, slow down." "Damn." " I need my cut, man." " Your cut of what?" " You know, the lottery." " What about it?" "Listen, we had a deal." "Your life just keeps getting better and better and mine gets worse and worse." "Drex is gonna kill me tonight if I don't give him $25,000." "Are you even listening to me, huh?" "He is going to kill us." "Not us, you." "Where's the lottery tickets?" "I have it, but I can't cash it till tomorrow when the lottery office opens." "I can't work magic." "He's gonna come through that door, and he's gonna put a bullet in my head!" "I need something now!" "What are those?" "Those airline tickets?" "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, yeah, plane tickets." "You know, that just might work." "Look, I just came by, 'cause I gave notice today," " and I wanted to say good-bye." " Notice?" "You can't give notice!" "We're leaving, okay?" "And I just wanted to tell you." "We?" "Who's we?" "What?" "Erica?" "Hey, look, I got my life, and you got yours." "You got my life!" "Give me those tickets!" " Give me those tickets!" " No!" "They're mine!" "(OTHER SKIP SCREAMING)" "Give me those tickets!" "OTHER SKIP:" "Aah!" "Aah!" "(WATCH BEEPING)" "(DROPS HANDLE)" "(WATCH BEEPING)" "(CRYING)" " (POUNDING ON DOOR)" " DREX:" "Skip!" "Skip, where you at?" "Open up!" "I know you're in there, Skip!" "Open up!" "(POUNDING)" "Skip, open the door!" "(POUNDING)" "DREX:" "One!" "Two!" "Three!" "God, you're beautiful." " You said that already." " I did?" "How many times?" "It's just that it's so hard for me to believe that I'm actually here with you." "Why?" "Because..." "I had a shot to look at myself in the mirror this last week, and..." "I just don't think I deserve it." "That's the great thing about life." "Our choices make us who we are." "If we don't like who we are, just start making different choices." "Where's your new watch?" "Oh, guess I left it at home." "Isn't that silly?" "I took off in such a hurry, I forgot to put it on." "Guess old habits die hard." "(WATCH BEEPING)" "(GASPING)" "What... (GASPING)" "Give me those tickets!" "Get off me!" "(ERICA SCREAMS)" "Help!" "ARCHIE:" "I think it was Plato that said," ""One doesn't truly know thyself..."" "MAN:" "Call 911." ""till the moment of death."" ""We pass that knowledge from this world unto the next"" ""and carry with us the confidence to face the great unknown."" "Or something like that." "Well, I thought it was good advice, if I do say so myself." "I think Socrates would have thought so." "But no matter how much you try, some people just don't get it, or they get it too late." "Oh." "Well, here you go. (CHUCKLES)" "And here you go." "Wait." "I think it's time we start investing a little bit bigger." "A little more risky, but... (CHUCKLES)" "We could always start over." "(CHUCKLES)" "Yes, sirree, that's half the fun." "Well, I'll see you tomorrow." "Yeah, tomorrow's another day." "Hey, Archie, it's been good hangin' out with you, I want you to know." " It's been good gettin' to know you." " You and me both." "(ROCK MUSIC)" "♪ Washed up, strung out Livin' in a blackout ♪" "♪ World spinning' out of control ♪" "♪ Face down, messed up, never gonna be enough ♪" "♪ Just another part of the show ♪" "♪ You finally fall away ♪" "♪ The lights are fading ♪" "♪ You wear it on your face ♪" "♪ The cracks are breaking ♪" "♪ So where's your celebrity now?" "♪" "♪ 'Cause we're so lost without you ♪" "♪ Where's your celebrity now?" "♪" "♪ So out of control ♪" "♪ A million lights can change a life ♪" "♪ Or how far you'd go ♪" "♪ Careful what you wish for ♪" "♪ Where's your celebrity now?" "♪" "♪ Bright lights, burn out Villains with a handout ♪" "♪ Sellin' every inch of your souls ♪" "♪ Fake life, fake town, tired of the letdown ♪" "♪ Chemicals are starting to show ♪" "♪ The lines, they fall away ♪" "♪ The fall is never-ending ♪" "♪ You wear it on your face ♪" "♪ The cracks are breaking ♪" "♪ So where's your celebrity now?" "♪" "♪ 'Cause we're so lost without you ♪" "♪ Where's your celebrity now?" "♪" "♪ So out of control ♪" "♪ A million lights can change a life ♪" "♪ Or how far you'd go ♪" "♪ Careful what you wish for ♪" "♪ You just might get it ♪" "♪ Get it ♪" "♪ Get it ♪" "♪ Get it ♪" "♪ You used to make this for me ♪" "♪ And now you take this from me ♪" "♪ So where's your celebrity now?" "♪" "♪ 'Cause we're so lost without you ♪" "♪ Where's your celebrity now?" "♪" "♪ So out of control ♪" "♪ A million lights can change your life ♪" "♪ Or how far you'd go ♪" "♪ Careful what you wish for ♪" "♪ Where's your celebrity now?" "♪" "♪ 'Cause we're so lost without you ♪" "♪ Where's your celebrity now?" "♪" "♪ Careful what you wish for ♪" "♪ You just might get it ♪" "♪ Get it ♪" "♪ Get it ♪" "♪ Get it ♪" "(SONG ENDS)" "(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)"