" Oh, my God." " What are you doing?" " l'm sorry!" " Slow down, slow down!" "Hey!" " Help me!" "What am I doing?" " What do you think you're doing?" " l don't know!" " Stop the car!" " No!" " Stop the car!" "Stop" " J ust stop!" "You shouldn't have let me." "I told you I couldn't drive." "This is only my second time... behind the wheel." "I'm really sorry." "I couldn't find the brake." "How long are we supposed to keep doing this?" "I don't know." "I mean, what do you mean?" "You know what I mean." "Well, yes, I..." "What do you want me to do?" "I know what you want me to do, but..." "Do you ever get obsessed with the rear- view mirror while you're driving?" "Look, can't we just..." "J ust what?" "J ust do it?" "Right here in a parking lot?" "We're not in a parking lot." "We're in a car." "Why?" "Where do you want to do it?" "I don't know." "How about in my room tonight... after my parents fall asleep?" "But we'll have to be really quiet." "What, you actually expect me to choose a place?" "Yes." "I better go to geometry." "Look at that Cynthia Hargrove." "It's a pierced nose. lt's not like an actual personality, or something." " Who were you trashing?" " Cynthia Hargrove's nose stud." "It's too small." "It's like a semi- precious pimple." "She's such a sleaze." "You are like such an improvement." "What do you mean?" "You mean Jordan went out with Cynthia Hargrove?" "Well, went out. i mean, I don't know how many outside locations... they actually went to." "But, she's someone Jordan used to, um..." " Yes, Jordan used to "um" her." " You must have known that. I did." "I must have blanked it out." "It's okay. lt's no big deal." "I just didn't quite know about Cynthia Hargrove." "So, now I know." "They obviously haven't "um- ed" yet." "I couldn't stop thinking about lt," "The fact of lt, that people had sex," "But they just had lt, like sex was this thing people had, like a rash," "Or a rottweiler," "Everythlng started to seem pornographic or something," "Llke, M rs, Krysanowskl has sex,  So does M r, Katlmsky," "They both have sex,  They could have sex together," "Llke right now,  I am, like, the sickest person," "Anyways, so yes, we're looking forward to it." "Mom, if you had the flu shot, then how come you're sick?" "Okay, we'll see you Friday." "I'm not sick." "Sometimes the flu shot makes you a little sick." "That was Hallie Lowenthal." "They accept." " Great." " Who's Hallie Lowenthal?" "Someone in daddy's cooking class who we invited to dinner... with her fiancée." "What's her fiancée's name again?" "Brad." " That is such a perfect fiancée name." " lsn't it?" " Angela?" " Mom, I'm not hungry," "Mom says I have to have a flu shot." "Do I have to have a flu shot?" "You know, I know exactly what's going to happen." "It's going to be 1 0 o'clock at night, she's going to be poking around... in that kitchen like Princess Di asking you to make her something." "I heard that!" "And I won't be hungry later," "Well, good, because we're not running a restaurant." "Lisa Yamamoto had a flu shot, and it was like, three inches long." "We said we wanted to meet this Jordan if they're going out." "Are they?" "Going out?" "They're not going out." "I would know if they're going out." "Doesn't he drive her home sometimes?" "We don't even know what kind of a driver he is." "Not to mention..." "Not to mention what else we can't mention." "Exactly." "And he has a car." "A car has doors and seats." "Oh, God." "They may as well have their own apartment." "Do I have to?" "We have to meet him." "We have to be firm and consistent." "Get a flu shot?" " No." " Yes." "Yes." "He affirmed firmly." "When you said what else they could be doing, did you mean foreplay?" "Who's there?" " Hey." " H i." "It's a dream, I'm having a dream,  I've had this dream,  only without the cold cuts," "Food." "What are you doing here?" "It's late." "It's really-- My parents are right upstairs." " They are?" " Well, they live here." "You said you wanted to do it in your room while your parents were sleeping." "I was joking." "Seriously, you have to go." "Okay." "Do you know that empty house..." " on Cloverdale?" " Wait a second." "The one that's been for sale, like forever?" "Tino found a way to get in, through this window in the back." "So people have been going there, you know, to have a place to go." "So you want to?" "Friday night?" "Like breaking and entering?" "J ust entering." "So we can, you know, be somewhere." " Angela?" " Mom?" "Didn't I predict this?" "Didn't I predict that this would happen?" "Didn't I tell you you would be hungry later?" "Yes." "Right." "Mom, listen..." "Now look, I'm not trying to interfere, but it's just that... I think it's important that we all eat dinner together as a family." "No, me, too. I agree." "Absolutely." "As a family." "Okay." "Finish up whatever it is you're nibbling on in there... and don't leave a mess for me to clean up." "And don't forget what we talked about tonight about daddy and me..." " meeting your friend Jordan." " l won't." "What?" "Sweetheart, there's nothing to be embarrassed about." "You like this Jordan, I have no problem with that." " We just want to meet him!" " Okay." " So, you like me?" " Shut up." " You're mother says you like me." " Shut up!" " So, Friday night?" " Yes, right." "The house." " There are eight bedrooms." " That many." " Sharon, hi." " H i." "I'm returning your mom's chafing dish." "And you're supposed to tell her thanks from my mom." "She's about to pick me up any minute to take me to get a flu shot." "I hate shots." "Well" "So, you and Kyle broke up?" "I mean, was there a reason?" "I guess I'd have to say it was my beliefs." "I didn't feel like I should give up my beliefs." "Even for Kyle." "So Sharon had beliefs,  Sharon had decided to stay a virgin," "So how do you... I mean, you just told him that you didn't want to... you know, have sex with him... no matter how much he was expecting it?" "No. no, no." "We had sex." "I'm saying I had a belief that he was being a butthead, which was true." " You had intercourse?" " Constantly." "Okay, come on." "Angela's next." "I was like, get it over with." "And Dr. Skolnick was like, I already did." " See you outside." " lt doesn't even hurt that much." " Don't say hello or anything." " H i, Dr. Skolnick." "Hello, Angela." "Something is very wrong." "You seem to have become 1 5 years old." "Dr. Skolnick, I had a question about... well, a medical question..." " for a research project at school." " Sure." "What's the question?" "Well, it's a question about percentages." "Of what's normal." "You know, in terms of what people actually do." "I mean, people my age." "I just need to see some statistics." "Sorry." "Angela, I think I know what you're trying to ask... and as somebody who's known you for several years now... if you need to talk about anything, I'm always here." "But as your doctor, I have to say, at the risk of being intrusive... I urge you, please, use a condom and a sponge." "No. I definitely said this Friday." "No, Patty, the point is they're here." "They're in our living room." "I can hold dinner for a little while, but" "Okay, okay, all right, all right." "Don't work too hard." "I'll see you at 8: 00." "Well, somebody has to turn up the heat." " Careful." "You'll burn the house down." " Why simmer when you can boil?" "She's a terrible cook, but you must already know that... as her cooking teacher." "That's why she needs you." "That's not why I need him... I need him because he's going to make us all rich." " Where's the bathroom?" " lt's up there to your right." "Thank you." "What do you mean I'm going to make us all" " What does she mean?" "Don't tell him, Brad,  I want to tell him," " lt's this thing we've been talking." " Shut up, Brad!" "She wants to open a restaurant in the near future..." " and she wants you to work for it." " What?" "Are you serious?" " She wants to open a restaurant?" " Why did you tell him?" "I wanted to tell him." "So?" "What do you say?" "Say yes!" "Say something." "I don't know what to say." "Listen. I may throw like a girl, but I'm a financial wizard." "Really, seriously." "And with Bradley's connections, see, he's loaded." " She's marrying me for my money." " l thought you sold commercial" "Commercial space, yes, I do." "I sell space." "You think I want to sell space my whole life?" "We're not seriously discussing this." "Okay, we're not, we're not." "But if we were?" "I want to put together a limited partnership... minimize our personal risk" "That's Patty." "I guess she forgot her key." " Oh." " Oh back at you." " ls Angela here?" " Are you Jordan?" "Yeah." "Are you her dad?" "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." " So, you guys are going to a party?" " ls that what Angela said?" " You mean, you're not?" " No, we are." " So, do you have a major?" " l don't think so." "You'd probably know if you did." "Yes, I probably would have gotten a letter, or something." " Dad!" " Yes, that's my name." "Dad!" "Well, I met him, your friend." "He seems, you know, I mean, well... what does meeting somebody prove, right?" "Dad..." "You want to meet one of my cooking students and her fiancée?" "Not really." " Dad, maybe I shouldn't go." " Why?" "Because Mom's not home, and she said you both had to meet him before" "Honey, that's okay." "Your mom was supposed to be home by now... but something came up at work." "No, really, it's okay." "This is not one of those times when your mother and I are not in sync." "Because I'll understand it if you don't want me to go." "Honey, really. lt's okay." "Great." "Are you sure we won't go to jail if the cops burst in?" " Cops never really burst in." " They don't?" "What if the neighbors report us or something?" "Then we'll leave." "is there anymore beer?" "I thlnk there's another one ln the fridge," "Don't be shy now,  The two of you take care," "Okay," " Are we going up?" " Cynthla, that's so funny!" "She doesn't know." "Angela." " There's no empty rooms right now." " So what do we do?" "See, I was wrong." "There's only three bedrooms." "Someone told me there were eight, but they were wrong." "Right." "It was exactly like when I was waiting to get my flu shot,  only I didn't even get a magazine to read,  I'll be right back," " Tino, I'm coming!" " Rayanne!" " You're here?" " Well, yes." "Rayanne-- l got to go." "Tino's waiting for me, he's going to give me a lift." " No, wait, Rayanne" " Seriously, he'll leave without me." "So you're with Jordan?" "That's so cool." "I'll see you tomorrow." "Keep your shirt on!" "There's an empty room now, so-- l'm kind of worried about Rayanne." "What about her?" "I thought I just saw her leave." "Exactly. I mean-- See, I know her, I mean... I was there when she almost O D'd and... I just-- just now she looked pretty out of it." "I think I should... sorry, I should go." "So go." " Are you crazy?" " Admit it, it's a great idea!" " l didn't say it wasn't." " What's a great idea?" "Because my handy guy Bradley here can flip through his Rolodex-- l am so sorry, you must think... that I am just the rudest person on the face of the planet." "Hardly, since I actually hold the title." " H i." " H i." " l had no idea I would be this late." " Don't apologize!" "We ate every scrap of food and left like eight million dishes." "She's kidding." "No, in fact, there are dishes in there we got greasy... just to mess with your head." "Here, here." "Catch up." " Cheers." " Cheers." "What's a great idea?" "I can't believe it." "I can't believe that Jordan Catalano was here and I missed him." "And, honey, we're talking gorgeous." "I can't believe it." "I missed everything." "What is he like?" "You know..." "No!" "I don't know." "That's why I'm asking." "I don't know, he's a kid, you know?" "You're asking a man, sorry, sorry... to describe someone when I'm sitting here?" "Here's what he's like." "Fairly out of it, not unintelligent." "Sort of stray puppy, you know the type you're always trying to ease their pain." "He may even be a halfway decent person, but let me tell you, trouble." "Way too gorgeous." "Thank you." " Bye, drive safe!" " Please be careful!" " She's kind of loony, isn't she?" " She's fine." " That fiancée is such a Brad." " Big time Brad." "So, she's not serious about this restaurant scheme, is she?" "Who knows?" "I know I'm not getting involved with it." "She thinks you are." "No, that's just the kind of person she is." "Do you know the failure rate for new restaurants?" " lt's the riskiest business there is." " l just said I wasn't doing it." "Some new restaurants must succeed." "I mean, people have to eat somewhere." "Graham, it would be gambling with what passes for our savings." "I mean, in three years Angela's going to go" "Never mind. I'm just going to drop this whole subject." "Why?" "Without running it into the ground?" "You?" "Very funny." "So, Angela went home sick I heard." "Reaction to the flu shot, or something?" "Fake." "Faking." "She can't face Jordan Catalano." " What did he do to her?" " Nothing." "He's just mad because she won't have sex with him." "It's so tragic to see her making this whole big deal over this... thing that's over in three seconds." "Well, I like it when they take a really long time." "Who are you kidding?" "You've never even done it!" "So, neither have you." "What I like, is when they run this ice cube up your body... very, very slowly until you think you'll lose your mind." "Somebody seriously did that?" "To you?" "M ickey Rourke did it." "So, you're saying that she's scared to have sex?" "Who knows?" "All I know is that she's hot for him." "M ickey Rourke?" "Does he like go to this school?" "Because intimacy ls more than the sexual act,  I ntlmacy fills every moment of your day with sensual delight," "I'm Dr. Linda Shields, and what I'm about to show you is a true story" "Yes, yes, yes, we've all heard about intimacy." "And there's this whole boring relationship stuff." "Okay, here we go." "Shelley and M itch." "They really love each other, but lately their sex... has become routine and mechanical." "Your parents actually watch this?" "Are you kidding me?" "They've had it for like years." "You can keep it for a while, though." "They won't even notice." "Why would I want to keep it?" "I don't know." "Why were you asking me all those questions?" "So, you and Jordan ever" "There's this dividing line,  between girls who've had sex,  and girls who haven't, And all of a sudden, we both realized,  that we were looking at each other across lt," "Look, you're allowed to ask me things." "What things?" "So, did you use something?" "Of course we did, we used condoms, you have to." "Promise me you'll make him wear a condom if you decide to do it!" "Okay." "Let's stop talking about it." "So how did you decide to." "Look, I told Kyle I wanted to wait until I was ready." "And then one night, I totally was." "The only strange thing is that after that... having sex was expected... because you can't go back. I mean... it kind of stopped mattering if I wanted to." "Shelley and Mltch learn to prolong their pleasure,  by lingering over the basics," "Okay, here's where they finally do it." "So are you different afterwards?" "This is going to sound stupid, but... afterward I looked at myself in the mirror... just to see if I looked different." "Do you think I do?" "No." "You know, you should talk to Jordan... because you have this tendency... to shut people out." "I know." "Has anyone seen my tennis shoes?" "Dad, where's that thing that Mom told me to give to Sharon... to give to Camille?" "Maybe we should check your room again!" " Okay." " Okay." " Bye." " Bye." " l'll see you tomorrow." " Yes." "H i." "Danielle took my bike because she hates hers." "And I just..." " l'm sorry." " What?" "I'm sorry. I was going to ask if I could borrow your bike, but forget it." "I'm always doing this, asking you for something... that's totally unfair of me to ask you for." "It's like a sick habit, just because you're polite about it... doesn't mean it's right." "It's not, it's wrong." "It's totally selfish of me, and I'm never doing it again." "Okay?" "I'll have it back by tonight." "Gunther and Llz learn that no human desire,  ls shameful or abnormal," " Found it." " Excuse me?" "Who's your favorite couple?" "M ine's Gunther and Liz." "Excuse-- l've never seen this tape before." "Now, now, now, don't be coy." "I'm serious." "Why would I get a tape like this?" "Because our sex life has become routine and mechanical?" "Soon they began to trust each other,  enough to be able to divulge their most secret fantasies," "Do you really think that?" "That our sex life is mechanical?" "Patty." "That really hurts my feelings." "Why do you take me seriously when I'm not serious?" "How do I know what you're serious about these days?" "What does that mean?" "One minute you don't want to take the class... then you're teaching it, and then you want to open a restaurant." " l don't want to open a restaurant!" " Then why the pointed comment... about the many restaurants that do succeed?" "Because it's a fact!" "Some of them do!" "What?" "Fine." "You don't believe that a restaurant that I cooked for... could possibly succeed." "That's really the problem, isn't it?" "That is just not true?" "Havlng shared the most sacred love a human being can know," "Shelley and Mltch talk intimately of their secret hopes, their fears,  their dreams, every moment of their lives bringing them closer together," "H i." "I'm sorry about Friday night." "I just had this flu shot and l" "Quit lying." "Tino told me." "Rayanne Graff has been clean for weeks." "Since the night she almost O D'd, right?" "Yes." "I mean, you can think what you want about me." "I never lied." "I can't believe it, I let you drive my car." "It's so hard to explain because... it's not going to sound right because... part of me really wants to, but..." "This is why I didn't want to start this in the first place." "Why, because you knew you wouldn't get sex?" "You'd just be wasting your time?" "Because you don't get it, okay?" "You're supposed to!" "It's accepted." "It's what you're supposed to do!" "U nless you're, like, abnormal." "Patty, have you seen my" "I don't want to talk about it." "I just have to turn in this permission slip for... the chess tournament, and then I get a whole half day off next week." "Hey, Curly, you're on my bus, right?" "Yes." "Did someone leave that on the bus?" "No, I'm just carrying it for my health." "You know who it belongs to?" " lsn't that Angela's backpack?" " Yes, it is." "Thanks, Curly." "My parents have a vibrator." "It sounds like a lawnmower." "I wish I could get away with bicycle shorts." "I can't believe you let Brian Krakow look through my backpack." "I didn't let him." "He was trying to cram it in his locker... and the sex tape fell out." " lt's actually Sharon Cherski's." " Yes, right." "Rickie, I had someone to be with, you know?" "I know. I can't even imagine it." "I feel so stupid." "My entire relationship with Jordan Catalano... every minute of it has completely sucked." "And now it's over." "I should have just had sex with him." "Why not?" "It would have been so simple." "But maybe it shouldn't be so simple." "Not that I know what I'm talking about, or anything... because I've never experienced this, or what have you." "But even if I did meet the perfect person... I just think it should be like a miracle... like seeing a comet... or just feeling like you're seeing one." "Seeing the other person's perfectness, or something." "And if you do it before you're even ready... how are you going to see all that?" "Not that I would know, or anything." "What you said... that was like so beautiful... because that's exactly what it's like." "I know we don't know each other or anything, but..." " could I just ask you something?" " Sure." "Did you ever work at Big Guy Burger?" "You always buy the cat nicer food that I do." "We delivered the brochures." "So I thought I'd come home a little earlier for a change." "Have a little time before the girls get home." " Graham, I've been thinking-- - l've been thinking, too... you're right." "I guess I got caught up in" "But there's nothing wrong with being caught up, I mean" "No, it's too big a risk, it'd be risking our whole future." "So that's it." "What if it's worth it?" "Because I want you to have what you want in life" "But I do." "I do have everything I want." "I mean, you know, no one has everything they want, but..." "But as long as we have each other." "While New Age music swells in the background." "Do you think you actually store sexual energy between your toes?" " The machine will get it." " Why doesn't it pick up?" "The tape is probably full, I'm the only person who ever rewinds it." "God, I don't want to talk to those travel people." "It might be Hallie Lowenthal." "She was going to talk to a friend of hers..." "Then should you pick it up maybe?" "I don't know." "Why?" "I'm not going to go into business with her." "I know that, I just..." "Anyway, it's true most restaurants fail..." "Yes, but some of them have to succeed, don't they?" "I know you think things have gotten out of hand around here..." " l mean, with me." " l don't think" "No, they have been, but I think it's a good thing." "No" " So do I." "I may not know were it's all going to lead-- l know." "But it will work out." "I have faith in you." " Are you tired?" " Yes." "I got no sleep last night." "Yes." "Well... I actually have a million things I should be doing, too." "H i, is" "She's upstairs, playing that same mushy upsetting song... like, fifty times in a row." "Great, well, here's her stupid backpack." "You would not believe what was in it." "Never mind." "Forget I said that." "Not to mention the fact that she still has my bicycle." "She doesn't have it." "She left it at Jordan Catalano's." "What?" "What do you think, that I don't like need my own bike... and you can just leave it all over town?" "l" "Don't just take it." "Yell back at me." "I mean, did something... I mean, obviously something happened." "Nothing happened to me personally, I just... I guess it's kind of sad, that's all." " About boys." " What about boys?" "J ust how they only care about... you know, getting you into bed, or something." "I mean, don't they?" "Not all boys." "So is that a problem you're having?" "I think about it all the time, but" "Wait, you think about it all the time?" "Brian!" "Yes, shut up!" "Boys don't have the monopoly on thinking about it!" " They don't?" " No!" "Okay, well." "I still want my bike back." "She left her bike at my place." "Actually, it's my bike." "I don't need it right now." "I'll just leave it here." "I n case she needs it." "You know." " ls she home?" " l'm not sure." "I brought your bike back." "Or whoever's it is." "So are we supposed to say something official, because" "You don't have to say anything." "It's sort of like when you were letting me drive your car." "And I loved it. lt made me feel really powerful... but also really terrified... like I wasn't ready for that much freedom." "Well, you should know." "I won't hold it against you if your name ever comes up." " Thanks." " No sweat." "Because it is a big deal." "I mean, sex made your whole life start... and if you think about life as like a circle or something... then sex and death are the same-- Look, I'm not I'm not saying... they're the same, I've thought about having sex with you... and God, I've never seriously thought of killing you, but " "Okay." "Okay." "At least you got in some driving practice." "Yes." "J ust don't take your turns too wide, or anything." "I'm sure you won't." "Sometlmes someone says something really small,  and lt just fits right into this empty place ln your heart," "Your hair." "Why it's really soft, like in the back?" "I'm really going to miss that." "Yes?" "I guess this is it." "So... goodbye." "Bye." "I'll see you tomorrow." "People always say how you should be yourself,  like yourself ls this definite thing,  like a toaster, or something," "Llke you can know what lt ls, even,  But every so often,  I'll have a moment,  when just being myself,  and my life right where l am,  ls enough,"