"(intense music)" "* There's a man" "* Do you see" "* And he looks just like you and me" "* Didn't you know" "* Everything he got don't show" "* There's a cop" "* Do you see" "* And he looks like every cop on the street" "* You will discover" "* You can't judge this cop by his cover" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a roller the side of the law" "* There's a stir" "* On the floor" "* Super snooper open the door" "* Didn't you know" "* Everything he got don't show" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* Super snooper" "* Super super super" "* Super snooper" "* Super super super" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw." "In just about a quarter of an hour's time, ex-police officer David Steed is to be submitted to the supreme test." "This will make the fourth time the state has tried to execute him." "He's been sentenced to death for the murder of his friend, colleague and superior officer, Sergeant Willy Dunlop." "Never before in the history of this country has a man survived three attempts to execute him." "First time was the gas chamber." "But Dave breathed in the cyanide like it was pure, pollution-free mountain air." "The second attempt by the state to have Dave meet his maker was by hanging, but when Dave dropped, you guessed it, the rope broke." "Then it was the firing squad." "But inexplicably, not one single bullet even scratched Dave." "Now he's gonna get the chair." "I'd like to see the son of a bitch get out of that!" "Now he's gonna fry!" "(burping)" "(phone beeps)" "Yeah?" "Oh." "It's for you, boss." "Hello Rosy." "It's all arranged." "Don't worry, nothing can go wrong this time." "All right, I'll talk to you later." "You ask my husband, he knows all about these things." "Right Leopold?" "Leopold hardly says a word these days, he's so depressed." "He's against the death penalty." "How about you, sir?" "How do you feel?" "I'm sure glad I'm not in his place." "I know he ain't feeling too good." "Sorry lady, no visitors today." "But I have an invitation signed by the governor." "Hey, I don't care if it was signed by the president, the warden said not let in any complimentary passes." "But don't you recognize me?" "I'm Rosy Labouche!" "The condemned man and I were close." "Real close." "Lady, if you were the condemned man himself" "I couldn't let you in." "Well could you at least see that he receives these flowers?" "Perhaps they could arrange them in front of the electric chair, so he could see them?" "I want David to be thinking of me when they throw the switch." "I'll see what I can do." "Oh, you are so kind!" "Thank you so much." "Hi Jackson." "Dave, that's the 14th plate of beans you've eaten!" "Would you like something to drink?" "You know, regulations say you can have champagne if you want it." "Champagne?" "Gives me gas." "Well can I get you something else?" "Yeah, more beans." "More beans?" "Uh huh." "Could you make it a zookie beans this time?" "Zookie beans?" "I never heard of them, but I guess I can get the cook to rustle some up." "Great, I'll have 'em for lunch." "Lunch?" "Hey man, they're coming for you now." "By the time lunchtime rolls around, you're gonna be having dinner with honky number one." "You may go." "There's no need to make your confessions, my son." "What Earthly sins could you have committed since we last took this walk together the day before yesterday?" "Well, how about gluttony, Father?" "I absolve you." "Now come along, my son." "[Speed] When all this first began," "I never dreamt it would end this way." "I had just come out of the police academy and received my first solo assignment." "It seems like only yesterday." "As you know, red plutonium will re-enter the Earth's atmosphere and will plunge and plummet with pinpoint precision to a pre-determined place on the Earth's surface." "The purpose of red plutonium's mission is to test the top-secret device, detecting minerals below the moon's crust." "Now gentlemen, the site selected for this momentous experiment is namely Creektown, or as the Indians call it, Poboke." "Whose inhabitants, by the way, have proved themselves to be patriotic, true blue Americans, and are here to share with us this historic moment." "(bright music)" "[Speed] Sergeant Dunlop had ordered me to proceed to Creektown to collect the fine for non-payment of a parking ticket." "Even though the village was in the middle of a swamp and I had to leave my wheels on dry ground," "I was hell-bent on carrying out my mission no matter what." "This is headquarters calling Officer Speed." "Headquarters calling Officer Speed." "Come in, Officer Speed." "This is Sergeant Dunlop calling Officer Speed." "Officer Speed, do you read me?" "Over." "Oh that was good thinking, Sergeant." "Sending him across the Glades to Creektown on the very day." "NASA's having their top-secret experiments out there." "(chuckling) That's really smart." "Well how was I to know that, Chief?" "I mean, you yourself just said it was top-secret!" "What would have happened to the population of Creektown had the citizens not been evacuated in time?" "Well, probably nothing." "The explosion of red plutonium will bombard the Earth's surface with a barrage of harmless red amoeba rays, which will have the effect of floroscoping whatever lies underground." "Mr. Jim Polaka?" "Mr. Jim Polaka?" "Hello?" "Anybody home?" "This is Officer Speed calling headquarters." "Hey, Sergeant Dunlop." "It's Dave!" "It's him!" "He's coming through our short wave!" "We can hear him, but he can't hear us." "It's a freak reception." "Speed!" "Speed, you dumb rookie!" "Get back here right away!" "You're gonna get yourself killed!" "Get back to headquarters, do you hear me?" "This is urgent!" "Hey, it's really peaceful out here." "You know what, Sarge?" "I'm gonna enter his domicile and tack the ticket to his totem pole." "All systems." "(beeping)" "Assignment completed, over and out." "(growling)" "(gasps)" "Hey fella." "Hey fella." "Could you move over?" "Scat!" "Scat!" "Git, git!" "(growling)" "(gun firing)" "(blasting)" "Oh, that poor kid." "He wasn't much of a rookie in his class, but he did die in the line of duty," "trying to collect on a traffic violation." "That poor kid." "Little late to be feeling sorry, isn't it?" "I'll tell you what." "If it scares you that much," "I've got just the job to take it off your mind," "Officer Dunlop." "(whistling)" "(car honks)" "Come on, Sergeant!" "(whistling)" "The Sarge!" "Hey, Sarge!" "I could hardly believe it." "I got the cover back into place just by thinking about it." "But then I realized something incredible, something extraordinary had happened to me." "(triumphant music)" "To start with, we'll forget all that baloney you told the Chief." "As far as I'm concerned, you never went to that creek." "But I did go, Sarge." "Then how come you never noticed all that hell that was breaking loose around you?" "I did." "It was this huge explosion." "Louder than I can do with my bubble." "Your what?" "Listen, don't give me that bubble stuff!" "Not even an ant could have survived in that explosion!" "Why are you getting so mad?" "Sounds like you're sorry I'm still alive." "Well what do you expect?" "If a man gets caught in the middle of an atomic blast, the least he could do is drop dead!" "But I told you, Sarge." "Everything turned bright red, there was this roaring sound, next thing I knew, I came to under a mountain of sand." "A mountain of sand." "That's a good one." "(gum popping)" "That's a revolting habit, and it's against regulations!" "And what's more, it turns my stomach!" "What does?" "Chewing gum." "Any turkey that chews gum and blows bubbles is really at the top of my list, boy." "Right there you gotta put it?" "Oh, you dope." "Sorry Sarge." "I mean, no offense." "I'm one of Rosy Labouche's greatest fans." "I've seen all of her movies." "Even the silent ones." "What do you mean, even the silent ones?" "She's young enough to make that Cheryl Ladd and Farrah Fawcett look like a couple of plain Janes." "You're really crazy about her, eh Sarge?" "Sure I'm crazy about her, I'm not ashamed to admit it." "Did I ever tell you about the time I held her in my arms?" "That was a long time ago, in Hollywood." "I was working as a stuntman on one of her films." "Oh boy, that's an experience I'll never forget." "Watch it, Sarge!" "What the hell are you trying to do, kill us?" "I didn't want you to hit the elephants." "What elephants?" "Those." "How did you know those elephants were gonna cross in front of us?" "I didn't see them." "That means you didn't either." "I don't know." "Intuition." "Oh yeah?" "So who's gonna cross in front of us now, huh?" "Come on, give us a flash of that intuition." "Come on!" "I can't." "Elephants yes, nuns no, huh?" "Aw." "Be right back." "Hi Uncle Willy." "With Dave again, huh?" "Hello, never mind about Dave and give me my lunch." "(honking)" "(men yelling)" "Hey!" "* Super snooper" "* Super super super." "Okay, see you later." "Okay, bye." "[Speed] No longer any doubt, I had super powers." "But they would come and go for no apparent reason." "I wanted to talk to Sarge about it, but I couldn't get a word in edgewise." "He wouldn't stop talking about Rosy Labouche." "And there was another time" "I was playing the Russian centurion." "Russian centurion?" "No no, Roman centurion. (Laughing)" "Oh, yeah." "And I was supposed to dive in the water to save her from a whole bunch of crocodiles, right?" "Well I had all this armor plate on me, and I sank right down to the bottom like a stone." "Yeah, what happened?" "Well I nearly drowned." "Yes sir, those were the days, boy." "Answer the radio." "What?" "There's nobody calling us." "[Radio] This is headquarters calling car 40." "Headquarters calling car 40, come in car 40." "Intuition." "This is car 40, come in Tiger Lilly." "[Radio] Head over to 11474th Street, we have a robbery in progress on the 20th floor of the offices of Johnson  Johnson, that's right across from the Daily Herald building." "We're on our way!" "You know, you and this intuition are starting to get on my nerves, kid." "Don't move!" "Nobody move!" "Get over here!" "Come on, get 'em up!" "Oh hi Sarge!" "Silvius, what's up?" "Oh, I don't know nothing." "What's going on?" "They've blocked them all." "Now we gotta climb all that way." "Come on!" "Hurry up!" "Let's get out of here!" "We're almost there, come on!" "Only five more." "Wait a minute, Sarge." "There." "Here's what we're gonna use, the old charge system." "What's a charge system?" "It never fails, the old charge system." "You charge the door and I'll cover you from the back here." "Okay?" "I charge the door?" "You charge the door, I'm gonna cover you from back here." "Good thinking, Sarge." "Check the door and see if anybody's coming." "(screaming)" "* Super snooper." "Beautiful!" "Fantastic, beautiful!" "It brings tears to my eyes to see a trick like that." "Oh, really?" "Grab his gun." "I say." "Somebody better get an ambulance." "That boy's gonna be hurt awful bad." "Don't move or you'll end up like your buddy." "Watch the door, there might be more cops." "Hey Sarge, it's over." "Huh?" "Yeah." "(gasps)" "Boy, somebody up there sure likes you." "If it hadn't been for that platform down there, you'd have been splattered all over that sidewalk." "But what took you so long to get back up here!" "Forget it Sarge." "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me anyway." "All right, get 'em up there!" "(laughing)" "What are you so happy about?" "I'm happy about the way we busted up that robbery." "If you stick with me, we're gonna go places." "(sirens blaring)" "What now?" "There's illegal gambling going on in that truck!" "Gambling?" "Put 'em up!" "All right, get out!" "(knocking)" "Police, open up!" "(people gasping)" "Nobody move, you're under arrest." "I called headquarters." "Hey kid, next time you get a tip-off like this, tell me before you act, will you?" "It wasn't a tip-off." "I looked at the side of the truck..." "Look, I don't wanna know." "I'm just your superior officer." "From now on, you don't think, you don't act, you don't speak until you get it from me, you understand?" "Get your hands up there!" "(cheering)" "Come on, let's go!" "All right!" "Dave, you're not even watching the game!" "Aw I know, I bet you're thinking about racing around in your car and catching crooks, aren't you?" "No." "Well then what are you thinking about?" "Well." "I was just thinking how much I'd like to be alone with you right now." "(laughing) In this crowd?" "Sure." "(cheering)" "What crowd?" "(intense music)" "Look, there's a little job I gotta take care of, be right back." "(struggling)" "You're under arrest, Scardella." "I don't know how you did it." "We've been after Scardella for over two years." "I still don't see how you spotted him in all that crowd." "Well Sarge, I wanted to be alone with Evelyn, even though I know you don't approve." "So I had everyone disappear." "And there we were, Evelyn, Scardella and me." "You had everybody disappear?" "You want me to believe that?" "It's the truth." "Now look, you!" "You stop this nonsense or so help me you're gonna be driving a garbage truck, you got it?" "Got it." "Good!" "Disappear." "You just hit a driver." "Wait a minute, where are you going?" "Hold it right there." "Hey!" "Drop your gun!" "For God's sake, shoot him!" "(panicked shouting)" "Get back, get out of here all of you." "Hold it right there." "Stop!" "Relax, the game's over." "(gun firing)" "Shit!" "Hold it!" "Drop the gun." "Hold it!" "First thing tomorrow morning, you go back to the firing range." "You never even hit him once." "Let me have those cuffs." "Get 'em up there!" "Come on, back there." "Come on!" "[Speed] Poor Sarge, how could I tell him the truth?" "* Super snooper" "* Super super super" "(cheering)" "What made you suspect that there was a robbery taking place here, Officer Dunlop?" "Oh well, my partner and I, we were passing by the supermarket, and well, the first thing you know, well we spotted the suspect sitting in a getaway car, and well..." "Thank you Chief." "Anything you would care to add, Officer Speed?" "Not really." "Sergeant Dunlop has said it all." "I'm just fortunate to be teamed with such a man." "[Reporter] Chief, you must be awfully proud of these men." "Well I'll tell you, it all comes from years of dedication, hard work, and a city that I've lived in." "Paradise?" "Yes boss." "Those two cops are getting too big for their britches." "Why worry?" "They can't pin anything on you." "What you do is legal and above the board." "(laughing)" "You got the richest fishing business in the golf course." "(laughing) Yeah." "Call the Barracuda, I want a partner's report." "Sandy, Mr. Torpedo's on the phone." "Yeah, hello, boss?" "Yeah, everything's going like clockwork." "Yeah, we're shipping out a hundred brands worth of George Washingtons right now." "Hey, Sarge!" "It says here that your Rosy Labouche is making a comeback." "Did you know that?" "Sure I knew that." "I know everything about Rosy." "Like a cup of coffee?" "Yeah, black please." "(mystical music)" "Hey, Sarge, I did it!" "Did what?" "I had the cup fly over to me just by thinking about it!" "Yeah Sarge!" "Look, I wanna tell you something." "You cannot go around telling people that you have cups flying into your hand!" "That you can look through walls and see elephants." "Sarge." "[Dunlop] You understand me?" "Hey Sarge, that truck." "It's carrying counterfeit bills." "What?" "How do you know?" "Well, I saw through the side." "Come on, we're gonna go take a look, come on!" "(whistling)" "Open up this truck, come on!" "Okay, man." "All right, let's go, open it up back here." "You want me to open it up?" "Just open it up." "What do you got in there?" "Fish." "All right, close it down." "Go ahead, beat it." "Okay, okay." "Counterfeit bills." "All I saw in there were fish!" "Now I'm not saying they weren't counterfeit fish." "But even if they were, there's no law against it!" "Or is there?" "(mellow pop music)" "Dave, I've been thinking about the stadium." "You know, I mush have been really crazy to think that everyone disappeared." "You're not crazy, Evelyn." "Everyone did disappear." "Oh come on, Dave." "Evelyn." "I have to tell you something." "I'm, well, how can I put this." "I'm not normal any more." "I'm different." "Dave." "Oh come on Evelyn, not that kind of different." "You see, ever since I went to Creektown and got caught in that explosion, something happened inside me." "It's like, it's like a part of me over which I have no control, was suddenly switched on." "Dave darling, I won't pretend I know what you're talking about, but why don't we discuss that later?" "And I'll go put on my bathing suit and let's go in the water." "You go ahead, I can't swim." "I grew up in the mountains, remember?" "Well, don't worry about it." "I'll teach you." "Okay." "(children laughing)" "Hey kids!" "Don't worry, I'll get it for you." "Whoa, he's walking on water!" "(screaming)" "David!" "[Speed] Help!" "Help!" "It's all right." "Wow." "Come on, come on Dave." "(gasping)" "We're almost there." "I can't, I can't swim!" "David?" "Oh my God." "Hey, why don't you give him mouth to mouth?" "Yeah, okay, great." "(phone ringing)" "Hi Sarge, what's up?" "How did you know it was me?" "No no, don't tell me, let me guess." "Listen you, I want you over here right away so you can tell the Chief exactly what you been telling me about all that super power stuff, you got it?" "And you got five minutes to get here, you understand?" "Five minutes, Sergeant?" "He lives on the other side of town." "Reporting for duty, sir." "You see that, Chief?" "You see that?" "Those are the cute little tricks" "I gotta put up with every single day!" "Well I've had it!" "I've had it right up to here!" "But Sergeant, you're the one who gave him only five minutes to get here." "Well then he's got an answering service, that's what he's got!" "That's not true, Sarge." "At ease, Sergeant." "At ease." "You know, Officer Speed," "I've always enjoyed a good practical joke too." "Well I've been known in my day to play a couple myself." "I'll never forget one time, right after I came out of police college," "I painted myself green head to toe to pretend to be a Martian!" "(Laughing)" "Yeah, that's right." "But he had be almost believing that he fell 20 floors without hurting himself!" "Oh, that doesn't sound possible to me." "It doesn't sound possible?" "Huh." "Let me show you something." "Be right back." "* Super snooper." "What happened?" "Call an ambulance." "Yes sir." "Don't touch him, wait 'til the medic gets here." "What, what, what..." "As you can see from this X-ray taken right after his admission this morning, there isn't an unbroken bone in his body!" "Beats me how he's still alive." "Sarge." "Yeah kid, what is it?" "I don't want, I don't want Evelyn to see me this way." "Oh okay." "All right." "What did he say?" "Nothing, nothing." "Listen honey, why don't we wait outside over here." "There's really nothing we can do, and we might as well get out." "We took other X-rays after we put him in his cast." "They should be ready soon." "But I'm afraid that, well even if the bone's set correctly, the internal damage is too extensive to encourage optimism." "If you'll excuse me." "[Chief] Why did you do it, Officer Speed?" "Were you that unhappy on the force?" "Chief." "What?" "The door." "What about the door?" "It's a miracle, it's a miracle!" "Look, we took another set of X-rays of Officer Speed." "The bones are completely healed!" "It's a miracle!" "Dave!" "Dave, it's a miracle!" "The doctor said..." "Dave?" "Dave!" "Dave." "Oh Dave." "Oh sorry Chief." "Chief?" "(fun disco music)" "[Speed] I'd been looking for Silvius all day." "He was the only person who had seen my two falls." "I had a hunch he could explain what went wrong the second time." "Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, see the elephant." "One please." "Seven." "Thank you, 750 pounds." "Alive, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much." "You always work here?" "I guess if you call peddling tickets all day long working, yeah I am, why?" "I'm looking for an old guy named Silvius." "I heard he worked here a couple times." "What's it to you?" "Oh yeah, Silvius, I know him." "He's a ventriloquist, really a great talent." "You wanna know something?" "He can actually make a doggy talk like a human being." "I think he's had it a little rough lately." "What do you mean?" "Well, for the last year, I haven't seen him around here." "That's quite a while." "I think he owes somebody some money or something." "You got any idea where he lives?" "Well last time I heard, he was living over on River Road, in an old shack, selling dogs or something." "Thanks." "Hey mister." "I didn't think nothing at the time, but a little while ago there were three guys over here, asking about him." "What did you tell them?" "Same thing I told you." "Thanks again." "That's all right." "(dogs barking)" "Hey Silvius!" "Anybody home?" "Silvius?" "Hey boy." "Want a biscuit?" "There you go." "Hey Silvius." "Hello?" "Silvius!" "Hey Silvius, you here?" "Search the joint." "What are we looking for, Paradise?" "30,000 that Mr. Torpedo paid for the talking chihuahua." "Chihauhaus don't talk!" "That's why the boss wants to get rid of it, and why he wants to get rid of Silvius too." "Find anything?" "Nothing, Paradise." "Check in the closet." "Hi." "Hi." "There's a guy in there, but he isn't Silvius." "Hi." "Who are you?" "I know who I am, and I know who you are." "But do you know who he is?" "Hey, Paradise, I think I've seen this guy on TV, but I can't remember whether he's a singer or an evangelist." "I don't care what he is." "What are you doing here, and where is Silvius?" "Beats me." "But even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you three jerks." "What did he say?" "He said that we're three jerks, Paradise." "Uh, yeah." "(screaming)" "He's yours." "(groans)" "Two goes with the guitar, then it's my turn." "This is it." "That's good, huh?" "You're the tops, Paradise!" "(groaning)" "Come on." "He won't be back so soon." "Hey, you guys going?" "I've gotta have a chance to get even." "Should I get the guitar, Paradise?" "Don't get it." "This is yours." "I think you should let me get the guitar, Paradise!" "It's okay." "(struggling)" "(crashing)" "I told you, you should have let me get the guitar, Paradise." "Yeah, that's the best idea." "(yelling and banging)" "(barking)" "Hey, go find a fire hydrant." "Now be good, boys." "[Announcer] Now here's a flash for all you movie buffs." "Famous film star Rosy Labouche will be arriving in our fair city at four o'clock." "(laughing)" "Miss Labouche will be appearing every night this week." "Hey fellas." "Yes boss!" "Go to the airport and pick her up." "Did ya, did ya find the old man with the dogs yet?" "No boss, we..." "Well find him!" "You know he and I got some unfinished business!" "(burps)" "You know I got the nervous stomach." "You know that, don't you?" "Now go on, get outta here." "Where you going?" "The back door!" "Sorry boss." "How come you our assignment changed to the sea plane base today, Sarge?" "Well boy, I'll tell you something." "There are some people who only fall in love one time in their life." "I'm one of those lucky people." "What the heck does that mean?" "Never mind, you'll find out." "Hey." "Those goons belong to Tony Torpedo." "They must have come down to pick her up." "Pick who up?" "Rosy Labouche, you dope." "Oh." "If only I could talk to her, just once." "Talk to her?" "What about that time you held her in your arms?" "Well I, I, I just helped her down from the stagecoach, that's all." "(clapping)" "Thank you." "Hey, here she comes." "Yeah." "Yeah." "(laughing)" "Oh!" "Isn't she beautiful?" "Oh, if only I could talk to her." "Sarge, I'll fix it for you." "No!" "No no no, you stay out of this!" "Don't worry, no superpowers." "Just take the patrol car over to arrivals." "Hey, that's the guy we met at Silvius' house." "Yes." "That's all we need." "Let's go." "Your driver's license, please." "Please Officer, we're in a hurry." "We've got to pick up the lady." "Registration, please." "Give me the registration." "(yells)" "What's the matter?" "My fingers!" "What about your fingers?" "They're stuck in this door!" "Oh yeah." "You ought to be more careful." "Get out of the car, all of you." "Let's have a roadside test." "[Reporter] Miss Labouche, it's good to see you in town." "Well thank you very much, yes, it's good to be here." "(clapping)" "(camera clicks)" "Hold out your arms." "Lift your left leg." "I said your left leg!" "Now play angels." "Play angels?" "Yeah, you know, flag your wings." "Like this?" "Right." "Faster." "Faster." "Forget it, you'll never fly." "Uh uh uh, your arms!" "Kick your right leg." "Left." "Right." "Left." "Right." "Left." "Right." "(fun circus music)" "Left, right." "Good, keep it up." "Thank you." "Pardon me, but, may I be of help, Miss Labouche?" "Oh, you know my name, Sergeant." "Everybody does." "You may not remember me, but I worked in a few of your films!" "And I'll never forget it." "Sergeant." "Yes!" "Would you do me a favor?" "Anything, just ask." "I must be in my hotel within 10 minutes." "I'm expecting a very important phone call." "I would consider it an honor if I could take you!" "My bags." "Are you married, Sergeant?" "Uh, I, I," "I've always been dedicated to my work, and to my mother." "But then I got into motion pictures, oh watch your scarf ma'am," "and then I got into work there, and I was never much of an actor, but I always liked to do a lot of stunts, you see." "So I got into stunt work for a while..." "Okay, that's enough." "Let's double check your reflexes, move over here." "Okay." "Now you hit him, and you make sure you duck real fast." "I gotta hit him?" "You duck real fast." "Now you hit him, and you duck real fast." "Now you hit him, and you duck real fast." "Great." "Now all together, come on." "Right, left." "Right, left." "Right, left." "Right, left." "Right, left." "Right, left." "That's it." "Okay, you passed the test." "Get back in the car." "Okay, you can go." "Your license." "(whistling)" "I'm gonna report you for reckless driving, and damage to private property." "Licence please." "What were you thinking about, Sergeant?" "What possessed you to use your patrol car as a taxi?" "Well it was an emergency, Chief." "I was just doing my duty." "Your duty is to catch criminals, not play Boy Scout!" "Look at this desk." "Covered with complaints." "Do you know this city's been overtaken with a rash of tarnished green?" "What?" "Look at this." "10,000 of these have been picked up in the past week." "Who picked 'em up?" "Who found 'em?" "Who lost 'em?" "They're counterfiet, dummy." "It's no wonder the people take them, when not even police sergeants can tell the difference." "Who questions a lousy dollar bill, anyway?" "The guy who thought this up is a genius." "I want you and Officer Speed to bring him in." "Put this on, Mama Loves Money, next race." "All right." "I think I just spotted Silvius." "Stick to him like a piece of honey, Paradise." "Right, boss." "[Announcer] And there goes Speedy." "Who's there?" "Who's the donut waving?" "How should I know?" "I don't mix with people like that." "Are you here because of Rosy?" "Are you kidding?" "On my day off, I become a connoisseur of the dog." "In order to make enough money to pay taxes so that you can guard me." "Although why I bothered today, I don't know." "Man's best friend." "Well wait a minute, Sarge, you sure you wanna do that?" "Why not?" "'Cause he's gonna win." "Ha!" "That dog couldn't win even if the rabbit carried him!" "Come on!" "[Announcer] He's passing, he's moving." "Look at him go!" "He's fifth, he's fourth!" "He's first!" "(laughing)" "He did it!" "He did it!" "I'm going up to get my winnings!" "16 to one!" "* Super snooper." "Can I have another please, honey." "Keep the change." "Silvius!" "I've been looking all over for you, I have to talk to you." "Sorry, I don't have time now." "(dynamic action music)" "Hey fellas, are you by any chance chasing that nice old man in the station wagon?" "Who, us?" "Yeah, you!" "Oh no, we are just out for a drive." "Oh good." "Well, drive carefully, 'cause the lives you save might be your own." "Have a nice day!" "Thank you." "Hey, look where you're going!" "Hey Silvius, I've got to talk to you." "Do you have time now?" "Sure I have time now." "What do you know about my superpowers?" "Why do they come and go?" "You mean you don't know?" "No, if I did I wouldn't need to talk to you." "Well you see, an act like yours, it sometimes only takes one dumb little thing to destroy your concentration." "A place, a person, a color, a noise." "(laughing)" "You lost him?" "You let a little old man get away?" "But boss, it was that cop." "What cop?" "What are you talking about?" "It was the one who is the friend of the friend of your friend, I mean, Madame Labouche." "The idiot means Dave Speed." "He's the partner of the chubby cop who's madly in love with me." "I'm not interested in love stories!" "I'm interested in an old man!" "You've got to find him, and I want him found, do you understand?" "Why do you always tell me these things when I start to eat!" "Dave?" "Dave?" "Dave, we're here." "Hey Dave!" "That's really weird." "I wonder where he could be." "Well wherever he is, he's late." "Wrong, Sarge, you're late." "Well, you're..." "Floating." "Now tell me you don't believe he has superpowers." "Come down from there!" "Why don't you come up here?" "It's fun." "Are you crazy?" "Okay." "Evelyn, did you bring what I asked you to bring?" "Sure did." "Get the hell down from up there, now come down!" "You could have waited 'til I was ready." "I'm sorry Dave." "That's all right." "Now put it away please." "Right." "Ready Sarge?" "Watch." "(bangs)" "(laughing) See?" "Okay Evelyn." "Please show it to me again." "Wait!" "Now." "Okay." "(gasps)" "Thanks." "I finally found out why my powers come and go." "It's the color red." "Red?" "What are you talking about?" "Whenever I see red, I lose my powers." "Let me try and explain it to you." "A plutonic explosion caused the blinding red light that gave me the superpowers." "But the same color red also takes them away whenever I see it." "Get it Sarge?" "Two forces, equal but opposite, equal zero." "Remember the nuns?" "And, and, and when I jumped out the window?" "And the stadium." "Right, and the fish truck." "Oh yeah, the fish truck." "I sure remember that." "You really made me look like a schtook." "Sarge." "The inside of the truck was all red." "That's why I couldn't see the phony bills any longer." "You the trying to tell me that the money was inside the fish?" "You got it." "You got it." "Now, can you remember what was written on the side of the truck?" "Yeah, Torpedo Fish Company." "Right, that's our man." "Torpedo, get it?" "No, I don't get it." "What do you want me to do, arrest the guy?" "Can you imagine what the judge and jury would think if you stood up in court and say," "I realized those counterfeit bills were inside the fish, 'cause I looked through the side of the truck." "Why, they'd lock you up!" "But Sarge." "Come on!" "You need positive proof, and I know where to get it!" "(sighs) Will you quit thinking I'm nuts?" "Don't you realize a man's thoughts are his own, his own private thoughts, so stop butting in!" "I've never seen him so mad." "You should spend time in the car with him." "It's not all his fault." "Why not?" "Dave, something's not right." "Evelyn, what's the matter?" "Well, it's your superpowers." "I mean, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get used to them." "I love you, but I want you the way you were." "Come on Evelyn." "Be positive." "Look, I can wash dishes, do the laundry, make the bed, chop vegetables, just by thinking about it." "Imagine, you're going to marry a walking, talking domestic appliance." "Batteries included." "Oh, terrific." "A human Cuisinart." "When you wanna be serious, you can find me at home." "Freeze." "Evelyn, I've got these superpowers and there's nothing I can do about it." "And you know something?" "I like them." "And I think you'll grow to like them too." "Look, I love you Evelyn, and we are going to get married whether you like it or not." "All right." "Now you can relax." "(gasps)" "That same evening, I got a list of places where the phony bills had turned up, and set out to find positive proof that would point the finger at Tony Torpedo." "(slick disco music)" "Ball in the corner pocket." "Two ball in the side pocket." "14 in the corner pocket." "(chuckling)" "14 in the corner." "Hey, sir." "Sir?" "Hey, knock it off, will you?" "What do you want?" "Sorry but, I'm looking for the owner of this place." "Well you found him." "Now get lost!" "I got five bucks riding on this ball." "Five more says you won't make it." "Make it 10 and you've got a bet." "10?" "Wait a minute." "All right, you're on." "Okay, it's your money, sucker. (Chuckling)" "(ripping)" "Hey, I won." "Yeah!" "(laughing)" "What are you laughing about?" "Yeah, you shouldn't laugh at somebody else's misfortune." "I know how you feel, mister." "Can we settle now?" "You do, huh?" "Yeah, come on." "Dumb luck." "Here we go." "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine," "10 on the head." "10 good American bucks, kid." "Enjoy yourself." "Thanks." "Where's the john?" "It's back there." "Hey, it's locked." "What the hell do you mean it's locked?" "That thing is always open." "You try it." "Ah, wait a minute, will ya?" "Hey!" "Let's stop fooling around." "You're in bad trouble." "Yeah, 10 good American bucks." "Hey, these are really going down the drain." "You're laundering phony bills, and I want a piece of the action, Clyde." "All right." "500 a week and I'll stay off your back." "Nothing smaller than a five." "I understand." "Cops are all alike." "Here." "You can tell Torpedo, the time has come to share the pie." "* Tell me when will you say yes" "* Tell me" "* Cuando, cuando, cuando" "* We can share a love divine" "* Please don't make me wait again" "* When will you say yes." "Well, do you want to hear my plan or don't you?" "Oh, sure." "Phase one, convince the underworld that I'm a crooked cop." "Phase two, catch Torpedo in the act." "Marvelous." "Just marvelous." "Thanks." "I appreciate you liking it." "Like it?" "I love it!" "(clapping)" "(lively jazz music)" "Why don't you ask her to dance, huh?" "Are you crazy?" "We're on duty!" "So what?" "If the Chief finds out about it, then tell him you were questioning a witness." "Dancing on duty is a violation of police code 42 slash B." "Oh Sarge, you are a credit to the force." "Besides, I don't know how to dance." "Sarge, look at me." "You're going to dance like Fred Astaire." "Like Fred Astaire." "I'm going to dance like Fred Astaire." "(clapping)" "Now here's someone who really wants to dance." "Shall we dance, Sergeant?" "I'd love to." "Ah, you dance divinely." "I'm just trying to keep up with you." "Oh I know, you've come to tell me that your boss wants to see me and I'm to follow you to his office." "I come to tell you that the boss wants to see you." "And that you have to follow me to his office." "Hey wait a moment." "Didn't you just tell me that?" "Did I?" "Oh, let's go." "Hey man." "How come you always throw 12?" "Because Torpedo's men are impossible to beat." "Throw me another." "Hey, that's hard to beat." "It's impossible to beat." "No kidding." "May I try?" "Be my guest." "Let's roll 'em again." "Eenie meenie minie mo." "Catch a tiger by his toe." "If he hollers, let him go." "Now that's hard to beat." "Take the money and run." "Come on." "Thank you." "You see, he has these superpowers." "He can do anything he wants, and make other people do the same." "You make him sound like something out of a comic strip." "Oh no no." "Oh no." "He's just as human as we are." "Oh?" "The only thing is that, every time he sees red," "he loses his superpowers." "Oh, really?" "So you're police officer Davey Speed, huh?" "You've been making a lot of noise around town." "I think it's about time you and I sat down." "* Super snooper" "* Super super super." "You lousy flat-footed smartass." "Ain't fooling me!" "I know you're pretending to be a corrupt cop because you hope I'll admit to putting out a contract on old Silvius." "Sure I had that no good bum killed." "But you think I'm gonna tell you?" "No." "Forget it, I ain't got rocks in my head, and there's no way I'm ever gonna tell you where I print those phony one-doller bills my men pass out on the streets." "Boss!" "And you'll never find out that the press is set up in my fishing boat, the Barracuda, which is anchored in the Gulf!" "You know why?" "Why?" "Because there's no cop smarter than I am." "(laughing)" "Hey flat foot." "I bet you can't guess how we transport those phony bills from the boat to the drop zones." "Well, let me see." "Sewn into the fish." "Sewn into the bellies of the fish your boat catches, right?" "Thank you, Mr. Torpedo, that's all I wanted to know." "Hey look!" "There she is, the Barracuda." "Looks deserted." "Don't be too sure." "I wish you could fly this thing so I could go down and take a look." "Well I'll go down." "You?" "I don't think that's a good idea, Sarge." "Why not?" "What's the matter, you think I'm too old?" "Come on, get us over that old bathtub over there, I'll show ya." "Anything you say." "All right?" "Okay." "Now listen you." "You take care of Evelyn." "I used to get more when I was a stuntman." "I'm gonna go down below and take a look, okay?" "Okay Sarge, go down in the hole of it, anywhere." "[Dunlop] Hey Dave, you read me?" "Loud and clear." "What's happening down there?" "[Dunlop] Think Torpedo's been pulling your leg." "There's not a soul on board." "No printing press, nothing!" "Search again, it's gotta be there." "Okay." "But I tell you there's nothing down here." "(chuckling)" "Aha." "Dave, listen Dave, I found it!" "I found it!" "You hear me, Dave?" "I found it." "It's a counterfeiter's dream." "Phony bills, plates, press." "(giggling)" "We got enough evidence here to put Torpedo away for life," "I'm telling you!" "Now go back to town and get some help." "I'll be waiting for you, baby!" "Okay Sarge, I'll be back before you know it." "Bye." "Hurry up!" "Come on, come on!" "Hello, hello?" "We're sinking the Barracuda." "We caught one of the cops sneaking around." "We're gonna leave him on board so he goes down with her." "Over and out." "Let's move!" "Move it, move it!" "We don't have a lot of time before the boat goes down." "Everybody, off of the boat!" "(groaning)" "Hey!" "(knocking) Hey!" "Officer Speed, what have you done with him?" "Done with who, Chief?" "[Chief] Sergeant Dunlop." "Oh, Sarge." "He's on the Barracuda." "I told you so over the radio." "That's where Tony Torpedo's been printing the phony bills." "Why don't you ask her?" "She can tell you a lot more than I can." "Chief, I've told you everything I know." "Last night at the Mocambo I overheard that man try to extort protection money from Mr. Torpedo." "He's a corrupt cop, and Sergeant Dunlop found out." "That's why he had to kill him." "After all Chief, he couldn't afford to let him talk." "That ridiculous!" "She's lying." "Why don't you send a patrol out to check on the Barracuda?" "You'll find Sarge there sitting on the evidence." "We just ad a report from the Coast Guard, Chief." "There's no boat within a 50-mile radius of the coordinates given to us by Officer Speed." "You're under arrest for the first-degree murder of police sergeants William Dunlop." "There's nothing worse than a corrupt cop, Speed." "Take him away and lock him up." "[Speed] And that, my friends, is how I ended up on Death Row." "Rosy Labouche made sure I couldn't use my superpowers, and she always arranged to have something red clearly visible any place I was taken." "The only thing that saved me so far is that they haven't allowed Rosy to be present each time they tried to execute me." "Warden." "Where did the flowers come from?" "Well they're from Rosy Labouche, the film star." "I'll read the card." "Today." "May the red of these flowers bring the warmth you deserve." "Rosy." "You must be very proud to have a friend like Rosy Labouche." "May I keep this as a souvenir?" "Oh sure." "Thank you." "I'm allowed on last wish, right?" "Oh, of course." "I'd like, um, bubble gum." "Bubble gum." "Could you please put it in my pocket?" "I'll have it later." "Thanks." "Father?" "I want you to have those flowers, for the altar in your church." "(buzzing)" "(shouting)" "We should check out all sea traffic within 50 miles of the shore, ten fore." "(sirens blaring)" "Jesus!" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper." "Come on you old bear." "Your hibernation is over." "(groaning)" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw." "Well you finally showed up." "Where the hell have you been?" "Well, it's a long story." "What the hell is this?" "It smells like..." "Hell, it tastes like chewing gum!" "Whatever you say Sarge, you're always right." "(screaming)" "Take it easy Sarge." "Just stay in the same place, you'll be fine!" "We're flying!" "Relax!" "Now listen, there's a lot I have to tell you, after I left you on the Barracuda." "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw." "Rosy?" "What's the hurry?" "What's the rush?" "Both the cops are dead." "Dunlop is." "But I'm not so sure about Speed." "He's gonna show up sooner or later, and I don't wanna be around when he does." "Don't wanna be around, huh?" "Well, where are we going?" "Somewhere where a millionairess can live in style and peace." "Cuba." "Cuba?" "Cuba, huh?" "You know, I can't even speak the language!" "That's why we're going." "We bring you this special news report following up on our leads about the jailbreak of Dave Speed." "Earlier today, a large balloon erupted from the sea heading towards outer space with two men attached." "Mr. Belushi here was fishing out of the Gulf and saw the event." "Are these the two men?" "Yes, yes!" "Those are the two men!" "Those are?" "Yes, yes!" "Ladies and gentlemen, the two men he pointed out are Dave Speed and the late Sergeant Willy Dunlop." "We'll be back with further developments on this most unusual event as soon as they happen." "Understand now, Sarge?" "Yeah!" "Now will you please get me down?" "Will you let go!" "What do you want from me?" "You're gonna be our passport out of here, baby." "With you as hostage," "Speed wouldn't dare try any of his superpower tricks." "Did you get the plane?" "Oh yes, Madame." "We had to get rid of the pilot." "You had to get rid of the pilot!" "Yeah." "Who's gonna fly it?" "Who?" "I am." "Who?" "I am!" "Come on, let's go!" "Hey boss." "Over my dead body!" "Hey boss, take a look over there." "There, look!" "[Torpedo] So it's a balloon!" "Come on, you're wasting time, let's go!" "Hey look!" "Rosy and Torpedo are making a getaway." "They've got Evelyn!" "They've got Evelyn?" "We gotta stop 'em!" "You'll never get away with this, they'll catch you!" "Eh, shut up." "They'll put you in jail and throw the key away!" "Shut up!" "You stay here Sarge, I'll stop them." "Stay here, where you going?" "To catch a plane!" "Whoa, what's happening?" "Relax, it's just an air pocket." "Oh, oh!" "Dave!" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw." "Calling all cars, calling all cars." "This is Officer Dave Speed." "Sergeant Dunlop's alive." "We're putting an end to the gang." "Arriving at sea plane base any minute." "Hey Chief." "If this operation is a success, we'll re-elect the governor." "Over." "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper." "I can't, I can't control her." "(screaming)" "* Super" "* Super super super" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper." "You've stopped the aircraft!" "Why?" "Oh what do mean, what am I stopping here for, the controls are out, dummy!" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a roller the side of the law" "(sirens blaring)" "All right, everybody out of the plane!" "Get out of there!" "Keep your hands up!" "Am I glad to see you guys!" "Am I glad, hey, what are you doing?" "David!" "Evelyn!" "Oh David." "Oh, I was so scared." "Oh, Evelyn." "Sorry I put you through all that." "Well how did you do it?" "You know, my superpowers." "My greatest role." "What an ending." "Officer Speed." "Congratulations." "Thank you Chief." "Boy, that was a fine piece of work." "I knew you were innocent right from the beginning." "Of course you did, Chief." "I always knew that Rosy Labouche and Torpedo were the real culprits." "You said that Sergeant Dunlop is alive." "Where is he?" "On the balloon?" "Dave!" "(laughing)" "Hey, you're not the only one baby, look at me!" "Shh!" "This is the Sarge!" "I'm sitting on top of the world, don't you dare." "Dave, I'm coming down." "You gotta get me baby, you gotta get me." "Come on!" "No!" "[Evelyn] David, look out, you have something red around your leg!" "Here we go!" "Dave, Uncle Willy!" "We can all be proud of Officer Dave Speed." "He died in a valiant, vain attempt to save the life of his friend and superior officer, Sergeant William Dunlop." "We'll remember them with honor and pride." "Excuse me Chief, there's a call for you." "This is hardly the moment." "Have you no respect for the valiant dead?" "I really think you should take this call, sir." "It's uh, long distance." "Ah, fine." "What?" "What?" "Who?" "Is this some kind of a sick joke?" "(gong ringing)" "That's right Chief!" "That's right, we're fine!" "Yeah, we're okay!" "Yeah, what?" "Where are we calling from?" "Um, just a minute." "Where are we calling from?" "(speaking in foreign language)" "That's right." "Dave, Uncle Willy?" "Hello Evelyn, how are you?" "Dave is here, just a minute." "Evelyn." "Hello Evelyn, how are you?" "Oh, we're fine." "That is, thanks to my superpowers." "Let's get married." "I know you'll learn to live with them." "[Priest] David Speed, will you have this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, until death do you part?" "I will." "[Priest] Evelyn Dunlop, will you have this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "I will." "[Priest] By the powers vested in me," "I pronounce you husband and wife." "You may now kiss the bride." "* Everything he does don't show" "* There's a cop, do you see" "* And he looks like every cop on the street" "* You will discover" "* You can't judge a cop by it cover" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a one like you never saw" "* He's a super snooper" "* Really super trooper" "* A wonder cop a roller the side of the law"