"*KILL ME 'CAUSE I'M DYING!" "*" "INFORMATIVE GOSSIP WITH FERRUSQUILLA" "Dear audience, you're listening to the voice of the screen." "It'll narrate the story of nutty people." "Any resemblance with the people who have come to this theatre is a shame." "Check this out." "In these difficult days, he who earns enough to eat, is wise." "This guy is a wise man." "This guy is half a wise man." "The wise man is in love, and that proves he's a dumb wise man." "He's a quack and the small piece of furniture is his helper." "The drama begins." "Gosh, man." "Why are we so unlucky?" "I don't know." "We're like fishermen's socks." "Since my "Lechuguita" left..." " Oh, my "Lechuguita"." " Forget her!" "I can't forget her." "There's no one like her." ""Lechuga". "Lechuguita"." "It seems like the love of his life is someone called "Lechuga" who left him." "That's why she can be "fresh", but we've got work to do." "Life is hard, so we have to see what we do." "I say you go to your corner." "They might see you're the shill." "They're getting ready to go to work, to sleep unwary to freshen their shoes." "Let's see." "The marvelous "Buteferucilin"." ""Buteferucilin" has incredible qualities." "Among them, it soothes the cough, cures mange, bunions hair loss, children's falls." "It's also good for diaper rashes." "For bunions, cramps, your husband's unfaithfulness." "If there's an unfaithful husband among you people he will become faithful right away." ""Buteferucilin" will make your deafness disappear." ""Buteferucilin" also..." "¡Here comes our first customer!" " ¿Do you have a diaper rash?" " No, sir." " It's a toothache." " ¡Toothache!" "¡Better yet!" "Be kind enough to sit down." "Please sit down." "Open your mouth." "Watch carefully, ladies and gentlemen." "Here we have "Buteferucilin"." "Open your mouth wide." "Very good." "Open it more." "Swallow." "Close your mouth." "Think of a number..." "multiply it times ten." "Take half away..." "Add 20." "It doesn't hurt me any more, sir!" " It doesn't hurt." " It doesn't hurt him!" "You've just seen "Buteferucilin" make a miracle." "How many bottles do you want?" "I'm very poor, I can't afford it." "I have no money." "It doesn't matter." "Damned money that's worth nothing." "I give you this bottle." "Others will pay what you can't afford." "May God pay you." "May God pay you." "May God pay you!" " Hey." "What's your name?" " Arturo de Córdoba." "Oh, sorry." "Ladies and gentlemen, this wonderful medicine, worth $5 won't cost you $4 or $3 or $2." "It will only cost you $1!" "Who'll pay $1 for all all kinds of pain?" "One more over here." "Yes!" "It's "Spoken robbery"!" "But the money taken from these innocent people is for this orphanage." "And not satisfied with the noble deed of changing "Buteferucilin", a harmless product, for toys and candies for the children, Tin Tan makes them happy with his songs." "Who's that nut?" "A former student of this school." "He suffered a lot here and is very fond of the children." "He's like a father to them." "I'm going to buy you a brand new school." "Cool!" "With a warm water pool?" "With a warm water pool and a gymnasium." " And thick blankets?" " And read thick blankets!" " And no teachers?" " No teach..." "Wait a minute." "With teachers so you learn." " I don't think he has money." " He gives it all to the kids." "Tell us about the bikes you'll get us when you have money." " Yes!" " Yes!" "I already know what color those bikes are going to be." "Why do you let him fool them this way?" "They're white lies." "If he had the money he'd buy them many more things." "See how happy they get just by dreaming." "While I get your things, you can have these candies..." "Hey." "I have a job for you." "Where do you live?" "I don't have my cards with me, but if..." "It doesn't matter." "Here." " Go see me to this address." " Thank you, sir." " Make sure you go." " Don't worry." " We have work now, Pirulí." " Really?" "What of?" " I think it's..." " What did he tell you, Tin Tan?" "To go to his store." "Look." "Be careful." "He's a scoundrel." "He was the administrator of this school for some time." "He stole all he could." " That man?" " That one, so be careful." "Thank you very much, sir." "To be careful." "Hey!" "The ladder doesn't walk alone." "Put wheels on it." " You're Mexican, right?" " And I'm proud of that." "How come you have a Tahitian daughter?" "Just like my French grandmother had an Arab daughter." "What?" "She lived in "The Lagunilla" a few days." "Excuse me." "He's so unpleasant." "Let's buy her some flowers." "What a woman!" "What a daughter God has given you, Marcelo." "And how I have taken care of her." "She's my greatest investment." "What will you do when she marries?" "I'll be rich!" "I don't understand." "She's my greatest investment 'cause she has to marry someone who has at least 3 million pesos." "I hope you don't go through the same thing as my sister." "She wanted to marry in less than a week so she married an old man who was really wealthy." "He beat her to death 'cause he always gave her "quality in great quantity"." "My goodness!" " ¿Happy, Satanela?" " More than happy." "I like to hear that, child." "I like to hear that." "Good luck." "Your dressing room is full of flowers." "They've sent you more than ever." "Look!" "A bouquet from deputy Ramos." "Flowers from deputy Flores." "Camelias." "Orchids." "White violets." "Squash flowers." "Who sends squash flowers?" "TIN TAN" "Publicist, gives guitar lessons without a guitar private policeman, painter electrician, fortune-teller and artist." "P.S. At your service." "How dare you come into my daughter's dressing room?" "Get out!" "I just came to see her a moment." "Look at her." "You saw her?" "Now, scram!" "Let me touch her to see if she's real." "Go touch your nose and get out!" "Doorman!" "Doorman, tell this idiot to split!" "I thought you were going to burst into a fit." " I'm going to burst your mouth!" " You can't." "Yes, sir?" " Why did you let him come in?" " Miss Satanela..." " ...said he was her fiancé." " Right!" "Did you say that, baby?" "Yes, daddy." "Oh, yes, yes, yes." "Her fiancé, huh?" "And you're getting married, right?" " Yes, dad." " That's good." "That's good." "But first, pawn your underpants and get a million pesos for them and then you come for her." "Is that price final?" " Can I ask for less?" " Tin Tan, you're up!" "Could you make a discount?" "Why make him think you love him?" " I love seeing his stupid face." " If that's the reason, go ahead." "I don't want you to refrain from having fun." "I want you to be happy." "Don't say that." "It's not like you." "Don't talk like that." "It sounds terrible." "Come on." "INTERMISSION" "WATCH HIS HAND...!" "WATCH YOUR VALUABLES!" "Yes, an intermission." "Tin Tan as long as he's near Satanela is the "trigger"." "Yes, I said "trigger", 'cause he provokes the audience and the other artists can leave without worrying about being hit by a tomato." "I was born among jasmines nards and roses." "And I flew and flew like a swallow." "Poor Tin Tan." "The audience pounces on him but he doesn't care;" "Satanela loves him." "What happened to "Lechuguita" who left him?" "To pay is to reciprocate." "While Tin Tan forgets his ungrateful "Lechuga" Satanela makes fun of Tin Tan's love with the director of the company." "They're going to run away, but first, she must marry a baker." "Yes, a millionaire with a lot of dough and with that dough they'll dress well and live comfortably." "But... what is he telling her?" "Listen." "I hope you don't back out when the time comes." "Forgive me for interrupting you but my club will be inaugurated in two weeks." "So, the wardrobe is ready for your group to go and try it on." "Okie dokie." "Don't use those terms, my love." "Oh, come on." "I like to talk like that." "Seventy six pesos." "I'll pay you that for 76 hrs of publicity on your bus." " How's that?" " Only a pig would do that!" "You take advantage of me 'cause you know I need it." "I charge $3 pesos an hour, minimum." "No, no, no." "Give me those $76 pesos;" "they're for the orphans." "What do I care about them?" "Enough!" "You have no..." "Let's go, Tin Tan." "You have no what?" "You have no consideration for the orphans." "Oh, okay." "Listen, Tin Tan." "You're going to learn two things with me." "First..." "When someone sells you something buy it cheap." "When someone wants something from you, sell it expensive." "What do you say?" "Listen." "Only a pig would do that and I'll say it again!" "One peso an hour?" "It's not a juke box!" "Only a pig would do that!" "A butcher used to say:" ""Every pig is business and in a business, everything is piggish."" "Think about it." "The secret lies in knowing how to do the things without people realizing you're stealing from them." "So you recognize that you're stealing from me!" " What do you think?" " What do I think?" "What would you say if I robbed your store, for example?" "If you did it gracefully, it would be okay but if I realized it, I'd pull your hair off like this!" "Calm down." "Calm down!" "Don't tickle me, Tin Tan!" "There are many fleas here." "Haven't you felt them?" "Alright, alright." "I accept the deal." "But I want you to give me the 76 pesos now." "Now you give me orders?" "I'll give you the money if you give me the invoice of your bus." "Alright, alright, sir." "Here it is." "It's not the invoice;" "I had to have it pawned." "No difference." " Miss, give him 76 pesos." " Yes, sir." "With this, I'm protected, in case you do something knavish." "Because in a business, everything is piggish." "No, don't jot it down." "I'll put it in my account." " I've been stolen." " What?" "How?" " I've been stolen!" " Help!" "Help!" "I've been stolen!" "They took my wallet!" " How?" " They took it!" "Help!" "Someone stole this man's wallet!" " What was in your wallet?" " $10,000 pesos and a lottery ticket for Mother's Day!" "They have just fu..." "ruined me!" "Do you know the number on the ticket?" "Of course not!" "I like to play "blindfolded"." "This time, you'll play "dummy"." "I have the feeling you stole it." " But sir!" "You're offending me!" " It offends you?" " Search me!" " I will!" "But..." "I'll help you." "What's all this?" "I don't have anything." "I've always been honest." "I'm poor, but I can tell you that I have nothing to hide." " I have everything..." " What's this?" " It's a false ear." " Look for it." "You see?" "Check." " You see?" "Did you see well?" " I saw." "I've been stolen!" "Employees, I'm not looking for who did it, but who'll pay!" "Raise the prices on all the merchandise!" "And announce a big "theft sale"." "Come on!" " Swallow that." " You swallow that!" "My former boss was the owner of a little store and when her husband beat her, she put the prices up." "And she did right!" "We'll come by later to make publicity on the "theft sale"." "Come on, sausage dog!" "Come on!" "Put the prices up!" "IMPORTED SOCKS $15 A PAIR" "GREAT SALE" " VERY LOW PRICES $30 A PAIR" " I really think you're dumb." " Why?" "To accept $76 for 76 hrs of work..." "You're dumb!" "I don't think so, Pirulí." "Everything is dirty in a business and in a pig, everything is business." "I think that this wallet is made of pig leather." "You stole it?" " And it had $10,000?" " Don't say stole." "I just made a small deal." "A small deal and now I have $10 thousand." "He's a big-mouth." "He said he had $10,000 and he has $400." " He fooled us!" " Do you want me to tell him?" "No, no." "He might say we're crybabies." "Let's buy Frijolito his medication and then we look into this thing of the $5 million." "Cool!" "Come on!" "Be careful!" "The Three Musketeers are here!" "33,333 is the lucky number!" "Take it!" "Look!" "It starts with 3 and ends with 3 and it has 3 threes in the middle!" "Thirty three thousand, three..." "No!" "No what?" "I don't know, but no." "33,333!" "That man is crazy!" "It starts and finishes with a 3!" "33,333?" "When is that number going to come out?" "It's not a good number." "3-3-3-3-3 is the lucky number." "33,333" " 33,333" " Shut up, let me hear." "Half price." "The one we have here is the winner." "Half price!" "33,333 is the lucky number." "Take it, it's the lucky number." "33,333." "Five million pesos for today." "It's on." " Half price." " No." " $500." " No!" " Give me $400." " No." " $300." " No!" " Alright, give me $200." " No!" " $150?" " No!" " $125" " No!" " Give me $100." " $95!" " Give them to me." " I don't have." " You don't have what?" " I don't have change." " Ok, I'll change them for you." " Give me $5." " No, no, wait a minute." " I'm not going to steal them." " Change this $5 bill." " Give me $100." "No, no. $95 is fine." " You might win." " $95 is a lot of money." "$95 pesos." "Come on." "Hurry up." "It'll be over soon." "33,333!" "33,333!" "Five million pesos!" "I won!" "I won!" "That ticket is mine!" " I bought it!" " Nothing has been signed!" " No, sir!" " Yes, sir!" "Please!" "Please repeat it one more time!" "33,333!" "Five million pesos!" "Please repeat it one more time!" "33,333!" "Five million pesos!" "I won!" "I won the lottery!" " No one wanted this number." " We're so lucky, Tin Tan." "We're so lucky!" "My kids are going to have chocolate." "And they'll have whatever they want." "And I'll be able to marry." "Five million pesos!" "No one knows." "No one knew." "What?" "That I lost 5 million pesos!" "How dumb I was!" "Things are getting better." "Tin Tan with his 5 million, will be able to marry this innocent dancer." "In this kind of dance a story is told with the hands." "Notice how she moves them, how she shakes them." "And speaking of shaking, here's shaken Tin Tan with his four loaders." "Will he dare carry Satanela like a piano or in a basket, like groceries?" "Because, with 5 million pesos anyone exaggerates." "Just a minute, ladies and gentlemen!" "The show is over!" "Let's go, Satanela." " What's going on?" " I'm taking my fiancé." "No, sir!" "Yes, sir!" "Leave me alone!" " What?" " What do you mean by what?" "This." "Look at this." "Five million pesos!" "There's a millionaire standing before us!" "He won the lottery!" "Get inside 'cause there's going to be trouble." "And now, dear audience, I'm going to pay a debt that I've owed for a long time ago and that I must pay." "Attack, everyone!" "Start with the right side!" "The pampered artist, grateful to his audience shows the same affection they showed him." "Before, it came this way and now it goes the other way." "There are so many stars that are grateful to their audience but we hold back." "You should marry immediately so he doesn't spend our money." "Once you marry Tin Tan, we'll get 2.5 million pesos!" "Later on we'll see how we get the rest." "I asked the engineers to design the City for the Kids." "Oh!" "I hadn't told you?" "I'm building the City for Helpless Kids." "Tomorrow I'll buy their bikes." "That's crazy!" "It's not crazy, dad." "It's a cool idea." "Isn't it a cool idea?" "Now, I'm going to cash this check and then I'll come back." "Excuse me, but..." "Au revoir." "Don't let him cash that check!" "Don't worry, I'll handle it." "Hold your horses." "Why did you say goodbye the French way?" " Your father freaks me out." " Never mind." "Say goodbye the Mexican way." "The Mexican way?" "That's all I can do for you now." "Goodbye." " Listen." " I'm listening." "Be sure of what bank you're going to deposit the money in." "Yes." "Though it might better if you keep it." "If they give you a check, you'll spend it all." "You're right." "I'll keep it in the closet..." "but of my house, of course." "Au revoir." "Let's agree on the last rehearsal of "Mambo of Death"." "Be still!" "What are you doing here, street kids?" "See who you're talking to." "Are you the one who came out in the newspaper?" " That's me." " Tin Tan!" " That's me." " You won 5 million pesos!" " That's me." " Come and give me a hug!" "What kind of bicycles do you have?" "I have a gorgeous model for you." " You want to see it?" " Please." " Come with me." " Sure." "This is the one I like." "I want this one, but I don't want one." " You want two?" " No, a thousand." " A thousand?" " A thousand." "A thousand." "A thousand!" "A thousand." "A thousand bicycles, right?" " A thousand bicycles." " Please." "A thousand bikes." "How much will you sell them for?" "You just have to pay $475,000 pesos." "I'll just pay you $470,000." "Don't be mean." "And send them to this address immediately." "Haven't I told you?" "He's your son, right?" "He's not my son;" "he's Pedro Infante's son." "Really?" "Are the bride and groom here?" "Yes." "The witnesses?" "This man and this man." " Who?" " Get up so they see you." " Present." " Take your hat off." "Sit down." "What's this?" "Are you leaving the tag on?" "Just while I cash the check." "The medical certificates?" "Here's my daughter's." "My daughter is good." " Never better." " Never butt into our business." "Your certificate." "My goodness." "I only have the one of 4th grade." "Don't worry." "There are several doctors in this building." "I'll go get one." "I'll be right back." "Excuse me, dad-in-law." "Doctor l.Q.?" "Listen carefully to what I have to say 'cause I won't repeat it." "How much wood would a woodchuck chop, if a woodchuck could chop wood?" "Repeat it, sir." "How much wood he chop if the woodchuck chopped the wood?" "I'm so sorry, sir, but here you have a ticket to go watch "Scratch and You'll See"." "Another question." "The stomach is an organ that receives food." "What else does it receive?" "Punches, doctor." "Sorry, sir." "It receives juices." "If you answer this question, you'll get $5 fabulous pesos!" "Let's see." "The people of a Japanese island by the name of Pistis are called "pistachios"." "What are the people of Bombay called?" " "Bombardiers", Dr." " And the people of Capri?" ""Capricious", Dr." " And the people of Bora?" " "Voracious", Dr." " And the people of Bisque?" " Biscuits, Dr." " And the people of Rega?" " "Regaled", Dr." " And the people of Jalisco?" " They're... "machos", Dr." "You answered perfectly well!" "You answered perfectly well!" "I won, Dr. Give me my $5." "Sorry, sir." "I was practicing my radio show for tonight." "What can I do for you?" "I need a medical certificate 'cause I'm getting married." "Up and to the right." "That's were the notary is." "You'll find Dr. Sulfatia-moon in the next floor." "Thank you very much." "Is Sulfatia-moon a relative of Sulfatia-sun?" "First cousins." "He's an eminence." "But be careful with him;" "he's a bit crazy." "He looks like someone of the movies." "What's his name?" "Sulfatia-moon." "Sulfatia-moon." " Dr. Sulfatia-moon?" " Who recommended you?" " Dr. I.Q. This way?" " This way." "This way." "A glass of orange juice a day cures your hangover, sadness and melancholy." " Deny it!" " No, Dr. I don't deny it." "I don't deny it." "I'm getting married;" "they're waiting for me." "I need a certificate of good health." "I knew it!" "What you need is a certificate of good health." "Deny it!" "No, I don't deny it." "I just told you, Dr." "Miss Anastasia, please squeeze 30 oranges more." "Yes, Dr." "Go ahead." "Go ahead." "Feel at home." "Thank you, Dr." "Check me out." "Hey, doctor..." "Move over." "Okay." "I'm ready for you now." " Doctor, I think that..." " Come on." "I'm all yours." "Don't waste your time." "Well, as you wish." " Let's see." "Say "ah"." " "Ah"." "Louder." "Not so loud." "Dr., I think it's the other way around." " The other way around?" " Yes." "As you wish." "The customer is always right." "No, what I mean is that I think I should be the one lying down..." " ...and you should examine me." " Right." "Right." "You should be lying down." " Deny it!" " Of course not!" "I did this to see if your mind works properly." "I see." "I see." "Get dressed while I get undressed." "The other way around." "I get undressed and you get dressed." "Your mind works perfectly well!" " Deny it!" " No." "I don't deny it." "I'll get undressed." " Do you want to read?" " Yes, Dr." " Here's a comic book." " Thanks." "I have it 'cause I haven't finished it yet." " Miss Anastasia." " Yes?" "Prepare the medical instruments;" "we're going to operate." " But, Dr..." " Obey!" "Do you want to sleep with or without anesthesia?" " With Anastasia." " Miss, sleep with..." "No." "This is not..." "Miss Anesthesia, put him the Anastasia." "How cold your hands are!" "They remind me of "Lechuguita"." "Hey!" "Don't run, you coward!" "The door!" "Please, open!" "Open it!" "Surrender!" "Surrender!" "Come on!" "Surrender!" "We're going to operate your appendix." "No, you're not!" "One!" "Two!" "One!" "Two!" "Wake up, my love." "Wake up." "Wake up." "Yes, sir." "Don't!" "I knew it!" "Deny it!" " There, he's ready." " Operate him, but he's not the one you were going to operate." " Am I sticking my foot in?" " You bet!" "Then, where's the guy with the appendix?" "He was buried yesterday, Dr." "This one came for a health certificate." "This one came for a health certificate!" " Deny it!" " I don't deny it, Dr." "Miss Anastasia, unanaesthetize him while I drink my orange juice." "Very well." "Miss!" "Miss, what have you done?" "You threw Mrs. Romero's sample on him!" "It's over, it's over." "How do you feel?" "I wanted to see how your mind works!" "How does it work, Dr.?" " Properly." " How good!" "How good!" "Now, get dressed and wait for your certificate." "Yes, Dr." "Doctor!" "Doctor!" " What do you want?" " I came for a medical certificate." "Come and lie down." "Oh, Dr." "Oh, Dr." " Lie down." " Oh, doctor." "You want it with or without egg shampoo?" "No, doctor!" "Here!" "You want me to shave you there too?" "No!" "It hurts me here, Dr." "How dumb I am!" "I'm sticking my foot in again!" "No wonder." "I'm the one who needs a shaving." " I'm dying, Dr." " Just wait for me to finish." " I'm dying!" " Hang in there!" "The only way for you to stay with the money is inheriting it." "But in order to make this happen, he has to die." "This powder is going to help us." "You have to put some on everything he eats or drinks but in small doses, so it seems like a natural death." "And in one week he'll be... asleep, like a bird." "Impossible, 'cause you you're going to die!" "Don't say that, Dr. What's wrong with me?" "You have the terrible "freebee cancer"." "The triple "freebee cancer"?" "The first symptoms are terrible stomachaches." " "Freebee cancer"." " Terrible pains." " You don't feel them yet?" " No, Dr." "Don't worry, you'll feel them." "Cheer up!" " Thanks, Dr." " Come." "I'm going to give you a book about your illness..." " ...to comfort you." "Come." " Thanks, Dr." "It's impossible." "Here it is." "It's in German, but don't worry;" "I don't understand it either." "Thank you, Dr." "Hey, but this is the manual of "Just for Men"." " And what are you?" " I'm..." "Oh, sorry." "My goodness." "I'm sticking my foot in again." "It's this one." "Find out more about it." " Doctor..." " What are you doing here?" "You're so big and just sitting here." "Get out." "Sit down." "Here it says." ""Freebee cancer"." ""Freebee"." "Doctor, I want you to continue something I started." "I want you see to it that my fiancé builds the school for orphans." "Take care of them." "Make sure they don't get sick, Dr." "Don't worry." "So your fiancé is going to build?" "Yes, Dr. I'm going to give her the money." "Money!" "Millions!" "I'll help her, don't worry." "I'll be her right hand." "Just be righteous, doctor." "I'll apply a splint to make it right." "Very well, Dr. Thank you so much." "I'll see to it that you be helped financially too." "Thank you." "Now, I'm going to tell my fiancé I can't marry her." "Thank you." "Hey!" "Wait a minute!" "Wait a minute!" "Where are you going?" " To tell her..." " You still have time." "Sorry." "I ate peaches this morning." "Why are you in such a rush if your awful, terrible and brilliant agony will take at least a year?" " Thank you, Dr." " Be careful." "Take it easy." "Now, I'll see the next one." "And now?" "He left." "I stayed..." "Why are you playing hide-and-seek?" " Oh, Dr." " Don't worry." "According to your diagnosis you'll live 100 years!" "You're as strong as an oak tree!" "I think I'm more like an tule tree." "I'm dying, Dr. I have colics." "My back hurts." "I have visions." "You have visions?" "Don't go out at night!" " Oh, Dr.!" " What?" " Oh, Dr.!" " What?" "I'm tossing off!" "But..." "Oh, Dr.!" "I screwed it." "My goodness!" "How well he dances mambo." "I think I switched the diagnosis." "Miss Anastasia!" "Miss Anastasia!" "Come fast!" "What is it, Dr.?" "I'm thirsty; please bring me an orange juice." "What happened to him, Dr.?" "I don't know." "He was dancing happily when he flopped." "I think he died." "I make a small mistake." "This is the one that has the "freebee cancer"." "And the one who just left is as healthy as an apple." "I knew it." "Anyway, in this dead corpse lies the live virus of the sickness." " Bring me a syringe." " You're going to squirt him?" "We're both going to squirt him?" "We'll squirt him with big squirts." "Whoever squirts him more will be a squirter." "I'm going to take the microbes out of this corpse and I'll inject them into Tin Tan." "Oh, doctor!" "Anastasia!" " What?" " I have a terrible illness." "I'll be in agony for a year." "I've been sentenced to death." "It's terrible." " Explain." " Give him a glass of water." "I have a terrible illness:" ""freebee cancer"." "It's in this book." "Dr. Sulfatia-moon gave it to me." " Look!" "Look!" " It's in German!" "Yes, but my illness is in Spanish." "Here." "Sit down." "How can I sit in a glass of water?" "I said here and then I said sit down." "Careful." "What happened to you, little brother?" "Pirulí, things are going sour." "I won't be able to marry." "Did you see against who I was going to marry?" "What are you looking at?" " Did you lose the check?" " No Satanela will have the money." "You'll be in charge of building the school." "You'll continue my good deed." "Keep still." "You'll be a mother for my little orphans." "They'll have two mothers." "Die in peace, Tin Tan." "I'm leaving $500,000 to my pal who was as hungry as I was." "They'll be in $10 peso bills so they last longer." " I don't want anything." " Shall I write that down?" "You're writing it down?" "If there's no wedding, there will be a will, sir." "I'll make my will later." "I think they're the symptoms of the "freebee cancer"." "I'm going to die!" "No, don't follow me." "I want to die alone." "PRIVATE RESIDENCE OF PROF." "TIN TAN" "ANNOUNCE YOURSELF BELL" "IT DOESN'T WORK KNOCK" "The microbe of the "freebee cancer" produces symptoms similar to those found in animals." "The stomachaches make the patient produce animal sounds." "The terrible pain forces the patient to adopt strange postures." "See figure 6." "In acute cases, the patient breathes like a giraffe." "See the giraffe-like figure." "Stay still." "Stay still." "The facial nerves get excited and the joints degenerate making the patient gesticulate exaggeratedly." "See gesture figure." "Who snacks?" "Who knocks?" "It's me, your future father." "I don't want to see anyone." "Let me die in peace!" "My daughter Satanela is bringing you orange juice." "You reject her too?" "No!" "Not her!" "Not her!" "You see, old man?" "He does what I want." "Wait." "Wait." "Careful!" "Stay still, pal." "There is the wicked woman, giving the unfortunate millionaire another dose of poison." "But he doesn't want it;" "his instinct won't allow it." "Once again, the story of Little Red Riding Hood but in this case, she's the wolf." "Wolf." "Wolf?" "She's going to wolf him down." "Now, Little Red Tin Tan asks Wolf Satanela..." "Why do you have that silver tuft?" "To give you my heart." "My heart is on the other side." " You are one big heart." " So are you." "And why those cat eyes?" "They're to see you at night." "And that cute snub nose?" "To smell you." "And those silk ears?" " To listen to your secrets." " My secrets." "And whose are those adorable shoulders?" " Yours." " Mine." " And those elbows?" " Yours." " And whose is that small waist?" " Also." "Also!" " And..." " And what?" "My stomach hurts!" "Why do you torture him if there's no hope for him?" "The oath I promised Hippocrates I'd keep forces me to be right where..." "a light agonizes." "Here, Dr." "Hello." " Excuse me." " Just a minute!" "The doctor says he can not have any visitors." "But..." "Go on, please." "Go on, leave." "So, how's the patient?" "He's been nailed down." "Look at him." "That's the way they killed the devil." "Fix him up, Dr., or I'll die." " I feel I'm bad." " Bad?" "That's strange, right?" "Let me see your pulse." "Allow me." "It stopped." "But I'm going to make you a superficial exam." "Let me check your side." "Now your heart." "I don't know if I'm mistaken, but your symptoms are of twins." " What?" " I mean of twigs." "Look at your arm." "Let me see your arm." "How much is the kilo worth?" "I mean, how much do you weigh?" " 50." " 50." "Very good weight." "Forgive me, but I honestly find you very good." "You are, like they say, hot." "How am I, Dr.?" "So so." "You're even hotter." "Doctor, stop sticking your foot in and let's assist him." "Let's prepare everything." "Stop him from injecting him, 'cause if he gets cured from the "freebee cancer", they'll discover our alibi." "Alright." "Dr., this is very strange." "Maybe he does have the illness." "Of course not!" "It's all in his mind." "All in his mind." "But as soon as we inject him, it won't be in his mind." "How exciting!" "Doctor..." "I forgot the alcohol." "Are you helping me stick my foot it?" "It can happen to anyone." "Deny it!" "No, of course not." "But, go buy it." "Hurry up." "Miss..." "Miss..." "Would you be kind enough to boil the syringe in warm water?" " Sure, but take your hand away." " Sure, foxy." " What?" " I mean, sure, missy." "Doctor!" "If there's no hope for me, put me out." "No, sir." "He'll get stiff." "I'm saying you should kill me, Dr.!" "What?" "What did you say?" " No!" " Yes!" " Never!" " Yes." "Euthanasia, never!" " What's this?" " What, Dr.?" " This." " Orange juice, Dr." "Oh!" "Well, if you let me, I'll have a glass." "No, Dr.!" " Why not?" " It's for Tin Tan." "Let him have it, Satanela." "He gets very thirsty." " Make yourself comfortable." " Thanks." "You see?" "Besides, I won't finish it." "Be careful, Dr. That juice is tainted." "Put it aside, but agitated." "You're screwed." "Gosh." "This juice tastes like arsenic." "How you love to joke around, Dr." "Where's the shot you're going to give him?" "It's in the bottle that's in my case." "This arsenic tastes just like orange juice." "There's nothing in here, Dr." "Sure there is." "It must wrapped in cotton." "There's a fountain pen in the cotton." "That means I have it in the pocket of my vest." "Of course." "Here it is." "Let me put it in the syringe." "No, don't bother." "I'm going to do this." "I want to help!" "I caught it!" "I caught it!" "I can still do it." "I was the goalkeeper of the Necaxa team." "Here's the ball, I mean the medicine." "Here's the alcohol, Dr." "Bring some cotton, Miss." "Allow me." "Excuse me." "Sit down." "Sit down." "It's alright, it won't hurt." "That's what you all say." "Clean Tin Tan's neck with alcohol, Miss." "Don't complain." "You sound like a Chihuahua dog." " Don't tell me this hurts." " You're pulling me." "You're cleaning, not giving a massage, Miss." "Enough." "What pain, maybe they're worms." "In the name of Hippocrates, show me your jugular." "You have my jowl." "What?" " What is it, Dr.?" " What's wrong?" "I got the "freebee cancer" from him." "No, Dr.!" "The cursed juice starts working." "The doctor thinks it's the "freebee cancer"." "Tin Tan, with his merciful soul, wants to save him with the shot but the doctor objects." "Run, rabbit, run fast, 'cause the microbe is in the syringe." "The doctor runs and Tin Tan chases him but the physician escapes." "He's going to die, just like me." "Poor thing." "Just to think of what a horrible death you'll have I feel like crying." "I'm suffering so much." "Thank you, baby." "Your words comfort me." " Tin Tan..." " What?" " Kill me!" " What?" "I don't want to be left alone in the world." "Yes!" "Suicide!" "Why suffer, Tin Tan?" "Let's commit suicide." "Suicide!" "Suicide... yes." "The fast way to get rid of pain." "Kill yourself, Tin Tan." "I'll kill myself afterwards." "I will, you won't." "You must continue my good deed." "Now, go." "Go!" "I'm the one who has to die." "Satanela..." "You can cash the check tomorrow." "It's in a shoe, in the closet." "As you wish, my love." "Now, my love, my last passionate kiss, before I die." "Thank you so much." "Now, go." "Tomorrow I'll be a corpse." "My Lord, have mercy." "Don't blame anyone for my death." "I prefer to disappear the fast way." "I don't like dying of "sting cancer"." "Now, I'll scatter my brains if there happens to be any." "Don't shake, nothing's going to happen to you!" "It went the wrong way." "No wonder." "It's crooked." "Rat poison, lemon flavor." "Delicious." "It'll taste like lemonade." "No, it was mint and Tin Tan didn't like it at all." "He didn't like the poison so diluted." "The water is for the milk." "Air." "Lack of air." "I'll choke myself." "More." "Do it harder." "Oh!" "But the tonsils..." "The tonsils!" "The tonsils!" "God!" "I scraped myself!" "Better a streetcar." "Yes!" "A Streetcar Named Desire." "I'm saved!" "I'm saved!" "If I hadn't held on, it would have run me over." "If I hadn't held on, it would have run me over." "Listen." "What shall I do?" "A bus!" "An ambulance!" "Be brave!" "Be brave!" "To the bus!" "No!" "To the ambulance!" "To hell!" "How stupid!" "They drive so carelessly!" "Better fly!" "A flight to eternity." "Life can go fly a kite!" "Goodbye, cruel world!" "I'll be right up, Saint Peter." "I just have to go down first." "A little push, please." "I can't." "I can't." "It's too high." "Sensational driver Luis Leal Solares needs a copilot." "No one wants to race with him. 40 copilots have died in 40 races." "40 copilots." "I'll be number 41!" "Fantastic car racer Luis Leal Solares died." "An unstable person named Tin Tan survived." "I can't even die with the electric chair!" "The elec..." "The electric chair!" "Electrons!" "Electrons!" "Come to me!" "I'm ready!" "So is this." "Are you sure that this transformer changes the house current into high voltage, enough to kill a man?" "Of course!" "Let's try it." "Wait a sec." "When the door opens, it'll electrify the chair, like this." "Here." "Now, get out of here." " Come in!" " Charity, for the love of God." "Come and get it." "Come and give it to me." "I'm not your servant!" "Bastard!" "Beggars can't be choosers." "I'll complain with the union of beggars!" "Miserable!" "I hope someone comes!" "Anyone!" "Even if it's a thief." "Please." "Come in." " Am I alive or am I dead?" " How should I know?" "I came to tell you that we cut the light; you haven't paid." "No." "No!" "Don't do that!" "Please don't!" "RABID DOG" "You have dental rabies, so bite my cheek." "Of course, the dumb beast doesn't understand him." "But his owner, who's also dumb, protests." "Tin Tan wants to be bitten by that rabid dog." "My dog doesn't have rabies." "He swallowed an Alka-Seltzer and the air has come up to his ears." "Tin Tan says it's a shame and explains his drama." "He must die now, if not sooner." "He'll pay anything;" "all his money, if necessary." "This hoodlum answers:" "put a blindfold." "You'll die, there's no question about that." "He'll see to that." "But Tin Tan doesn't know what awaits him." "Forgive me for being so careful but we don't want our dead to speak up." "Take the blindfold off." " Are we here?" " We're here." ""U.A.E.U.F.A.Y.S." What does U.A.E.U.F.A.Y.S. mean?" "Union of assassins et al universal federation at your service." "And now... the password." "This was a nest of asses..." "and they were all trained." "That was their salute." "Here, if there are no greetings, you kiss your life off." "They're called "indecent saints"." "The holiest of them has killed his father, to say the least." "They say: "Get a chair and sit down, buddy."" "The chair of the kid with the golden shorts." "Not my chair!" "Naughty boy, you should respect our guests." "You're sort of rough." " Forget it." "Let's play poker." " If you lose, which one?" "Which what?" "Which eye?" "The left or the right?" "That's what we're betting." "Look." "Those are the ones that have lost." "Oh, my goodness!" "I don't think I'll play." "I came on business." "Of course he doesn't want to play; he freaks out." "Who cares?" "But they persuade him with exquisite subtleness to admire the catalogue and they introduce a supersonic model, 1960." "This death has style." "Well, this rope is quite thick." "The assassins proudly show their sampler as if it were a shoe store." "We gave this one a frightful death." "He died instantly when he saw this mouse fall on him." "Such a scandal over a mouse?" "That's because he has a piano tied to his tail." "A piano?" "This one we bathed in sulfuric acid instead of water." "When she pulled the chain, she peeled away." "Now she's just bones." "Aghast, our hero moved along the death corridor where he saw 425 models." "Dantesque scenes were presented before his eyes and this set his nerves on edge." "Here you can see how everything fits in a little jar if you know how to place it." "This man was forced into the can and he fit." "Deny it!" "And here, the silly-on Tin Tan turned touch-on." " This guy is big!" " Yes!" "Oh, come on!" " He moved!" " Of course he did!" "He's alive!" "I'll show you!" "Blenderman, a human beast who, with a hug, crushes wood, iron, steel, meat, chewing gum chocolates, lollipops, gumdrops..." "Poor guy who falls in the claws of this monster." "Here's the moment when he must sign the terrible contract." " Lend me your hand." " Sure." "You cut me!" " Don't suck your thumb!" " Pig!" " I'm bleeding." " That's the point." "We need it." "Sign." "We have blood covenants!" " Bloody rascals!" " What?" " What did I sign?" " The conditions." "$1000 for the job, plus stamps for torture." "Perfect." "I don't want to know when I'm going to die." "Or how or the time or where." "Don't let me back out, even if I kneel down!" "Swear by your mothers that you'll kill me." " We ain't got one." " I thought so." "Death will come in a flower or a kiss." " Or it could be in a robot." " Or in a pot." "Or in a knot." "My notary will pay until I'm 6 feet under." "Oh my God!" "Someone is trying to poison Tin Tan!" " You don't say." " I do say." "Here's the evidence." "Now I know why I had those terrible stomachaches that made me fold over the past few days." "Why?" "Look at the juices." "What looks like carbon residues are nothing more than arsenic crystals!" "Smell." "I just hope Tin Tan signed the check and that it's here." "Here it is!" "Yes!" " Yes!" " But Tin Tan didn't sign it." " He's a jerk." " He doesn't need to sign it." "According to the will, you're universal heir." "He must be resting in peace, by now." "Do want a cage?" "A ladder?" "A sandwich?" "No, no." "Forgive me." "We were wrong." "That's not the window of Tin Tan's room." "It's that one." " Is everything ready?" " Everything." "Ten men are prowling his house." "Mechanics, masons, doctors, salesmen..." "And as soon as Tin Tan needs something we'll get him!" "Now I'm ready to disappear." "I saw how you defend the interests of helpless kids." "They brought you a chair." "Who sent it?" "The orphans send it so you rest in peace." "Bring it in." "It's very nice." "Thanks." "How are you, sonny?" "I'm resting." "The pain has subsided a bit." "You should eat." "Do you want some oat soup?" "I'll bring you a sandwich with hot peppers." "Great, Pirulí!" "And put a lot of onion in it." "The check!" "What a nice chair the orphans gave you." "Yes, they love me." "I was raised there." "When I was born, my mom and dad had left." "I'm an orphan too." "These kids love me very much." "We've been together a long time." "I don't know if to consider them brothers, nephews or my children." "Don't be surprised if I die in this chair." "Why?" "I might find death in this chair!" " What imagination." " No, no!" " That's silly!" " Don't you sit there." " You bet!" " Come on!" "There's nothing wrong with it." " What happened?" " It barely touched my skin." " Flowers!" "Who brought flowers?" " I did." "Why?" "You?" "They're beautiful." "They're wild flowers, right?" " What happened?" " What is it?" "A bee!" "A bee!" "It's stinging me!" "Naughty stinger!" " What did you bring?" " I brought this." "I met the sandwich maker." "I brought you one of "chilaquiles"." "Great!" "Thank you very much." "I bet death is in this sandwich." " Death?" " Yes, death." "If you think it's there, don't eat it." " Leave me alone." "I want to die." " Drop it!" "Give me that!" "Pirulí!" "It was for me!" "It was for me!" "It was a bomb sandwich." "Why didn't you let me eat it?" "I want to die!" "My salvation is in the coffee." "In the coffee!" "Yes, sir!" "I hope it's poisoned!" "Scorpions!" "Where are they going?" "Let me suck them!" "Let me suck them!" "Let me suck the tail of one of them!" "Stop sucking my blood, you silly thing!" "They're moving!" "They're real!" "No, no." "It's not their fault." "I have to die!" "Please let me die!" "Forgive me, Satanela!" "Everybody out!" "Take them out, shorty!" "I can't die." "It seems like death is out on vacations." "You want me to accompany you?" "I don't want anything, Pirulí." "I don't want anything!" "I just want to be alone." "Go away." "Leave me alone." "Let me die in peace, midget!" "Go away, midget!" "Come out and kill me!" "Come and kill me now!" "Kill me now that I've made up my mind!" "Kill me!" "Kill me 'cause I'm dying!" "Kill me 'cause I'm dying!" "'Cause I'm dying." "Oh my God." "Why doesn't someone come to kill me?" "Some green shadow." "A shadow should come and put a bomb in my bed!" "I want to die!" "Kill me 'cause I'm dying!" "This is a disgrace." "Oh God, what's this?" "I think it's a snake." "I think..." "Death!" "Death!" "Come on!" "Open your mouth!" "Bite me!" "I'm ready to die!" "What?" "You're "Lechuga"!" "My "Lechuguita!"." "You're my Lechuga." "I had forgotten about her." "Where were you?" "You're so thin!" "What have they done to you?" "They're animals!" "Maybe they wanted to hunt you." "How could they think you'd kill me?" "My "Lechuguita"." "You must be sleepy and tired, my love." "Come, I'll cover you up." "Come on, go to sleep, 'cause we might both be dead tomorrow." "I'm still alive." "I'm still alive." "I have more lives than an angora cat." "My mouth tastes like a bell clapper." "Like the tongue of a bell." "Wake up, "Lechuga"." "Wash your face." "Wake up, "Lechuguita"." "Lechuguita!" "Lechuga?" "Where are you?" "Lechuga?" "Lechu..." "My God!" "What an animal!" "You chilled him out!" "But look at what you did." "Come here, please." "My goodness!" "You're stuck." "You chilled him." "Don't be like that!" "Did you see how you left him?" "I should spank you." "Don't do that again, Lechuguita." "Now, what do I do with him?" "Oh, my God!" "Hey!" "Don't throw dead guys down!" "Oh, my God!" "Dead!" "Police!" "Bearded Ali!" "They're offering $1000 to capture him dead or alive!" "He's mine!" "I found him!" "You're all witnesses!" "He's mine!" "Mine!" "Stay right here while daddy comes back." "Good." "Now, no one can stop me from injecting Tin Tan!" "And I'll administrate our part of the inheritance." "Good morning." "How are you?" " How are you feeling?" " The same or worse, Dr." "Don't worry; we came to give you a shot." "Let me die in peace!" "Stop pricking me!" "The worst endeavor is the one you do not take." "Please sit down in the name of science." "This time you won't suffer 'cause forewarned is forearmed." " The syringe is ready." " Come on!" " I brought you fruit, sonny." " Some juice." "They're going to vaccinate me." "I'll have it then!" " I love prickly pears!" " They're for Tin Tan." "One prickly pear is none, sir." "Two is one." "I'm going to eat this prickly pear and then there will be none." "Deny it!" "Forgive me for peeling them." "Forgive you?" "You eat the peel?" "That's the way you should eat them 'cause the peel has most of the vitamin P." " That's why it's called peel." " And the prickles?" "The prickles have a pricklier vitamin." "No, no." "I'm asking if the prickles aren't bad for you?" "At first, they bother." "And in the end?" "You can't stand it anymore and you ask for help." " Don't you want a prickly pear?" " No, Dr." "I might get Napoleon's illness." " What?" " "Napoliomyelitis"." "Besides, I prefer the juice." "You don't know what's good." "We'll leave that one for after your shot." "Ready?" " Yes, Dr." " The Indian way." "It doesn't hurt, not one little bit." "That's because..." "Oh my God!" " What?" " I forgot to put the needle." "Oh, Dr. You're sticking your foot in again!" "It can happen to anyone." "Finally, the Dr. was able to pump the "freebeee cancer" into Tin Tan." "This time, no one can help him." "On guard?" "More than ever, Dr." "Well?" "I bet it didn't hurt." "It did hurt!" "It did hurt!" " You did pump it in!" " Ok, it's over." "It's over now." "Now, we just wait a minute!" "What?" "What?" "What's wrong, Dr.?" "What?" " You screwed me again." " What about me?" "Oh, Mr. Marcelo." "Mr. Marcelo!" "Come with me for a moment." "Come on." "What's wrong with you?" "You're trying to poison Tin Tan." " Deny it!" " I deny it!" "Would you let the authorities check the prickly pears?" "Since you found out, how much for you to keep the secret?" "Half of the prickly pears." "No, I mean of Tin Tan's inheritance." "Done!" " Your word?" " Yes." " Flesh or bone?" " Bone." "When you look for it, it'll be done." "I want you to know that I just injected Tin Tan with "freebee cancer"." "He doesn't need poison any more." " He'll die hopelessly." " He will?" "I just injected 30 million units of virus!" "And 30 million can't be wrong." "What's wrong?" "Come." "The Dr. is our accomplice." " Did you see the syringe?" " Yes." "It had the mortal virus." " Oh no!" " Oh yes!" "I put water in it and threw it away while you ate." "I'm fed up with him." "I'll inject him lead." " With what syringe?" " With this German one." "Hide the syringe, there comes the notary." "Oh no." "May you have holy and good days." " Good morning." " I have good news." "Tin Tan has hired 5 assassins." "Tomorrow noon, Tin Tan will be a corpse." "My dear Dr. Sulfa, nay to what we agreed." "Nay to half of the inheritance." "What?" "And the half of the prickly pears?" " "Mangos"!" " No!" "Prickly pears!" "No, I mean none of the dough." "Then I'm going to tell the authorities that you're trying to poison Tin Tan." "At least we have one prickly pear." "And you were trying to murder him; there is the syringe." "What?" "We're all together in this." "Either we split it equally, or I'll turn you in." " Our hands are tied." " True!" " Deny it!" " I don't deny it." "We accept." "Goodbye, Lechuguita." "Don't get nervous with what you hear." "I have 12 hours left." "But first, I want to give you some advice." "Be a good snake, so that when you die you go to the heaven of the boas." "Don't eat apples." "Remember the mess you made with Adam." "END OF REEL" "DON'T BE impatient!" "THE NEXT ONE is COMING!" "What's the matter?" "You have to go to sleep." "Go on." "I'll go to sleep soon." "Now, I'll take this narcotic to sleep and I won't feel death." "The atomic sandwich, the scorpion broth and the "lung scraper" chair all failed." "What a mischievous skeleton!" "Oh!" "But the mousetrap won't fail." "The human mousetrap." "Beware, Tin Tan!" "Don't swallow the toothbrush!" "The narcotic goes to work and applies a jujitsu lock in his eyes." "His eyelids feel as if made of lead." "Tin Tan makes an effort to stay awake and crosses his eyes." "The mousetrapman prepares one to identify Tin Tan with the macabre against which he goes on terrible rounds with Morpheus." "It's ready!" "But the midget ignores that giant Blenderman is also unaware of his presence." "The light must be turned off." "How mean." "They cut the light again." "I'm so sleepy." "Tin Tan is ready to stick his foot in." "He failed!" "Poor marksmanship." "But this time he is." "It looks like he's not." "It looks like he is." "It looks like he's not." "It looks like the assassin doesn't like it and he's going to disappear Tin Tan." "Without realizing it, he killed his brother." "The hand..." "Holeman's hairy hands, that came to kill Tin Tan." "There he goes!" "Blow him away!" "The poisoned needle killed him." "He confused the rabbit." "What a retard!" "Oh my God!" "It's not Tin Tan!" "Forgive me, buddy!" "How could I make a mistake if you're so big!" "Who's talking to me?" "It's me..." "Holeman." "I had come to kill you." "Thank God!" "I'm coming." "Wicked." "Wait, buddy." "Let me finish him." "It's your fault that I killed my sacred buddy." "What... what noise was that?" "Oh!" "It must be the mice." "Poisoned gas to poison." "Sulfatia-moon prepares a lethal bed but it's not intended for Tin Tan." "It's intended for his pals the other heirs." "Everyone must die." "There should be no witnesses of what I did." "What about me?" "Am I not a witness?" "No, no." "You're a perpetrator, like me." "And, like me, you have the same responsibilities." "Will we have the same benefits?" "Anastasia!" "Doctor!" "Pay attention to what I'm going to say." "At 12 on the dot, you open the gas cock." "You hold your breath at least half a minute." "Then, you put your mask on." " And that's it." " They'll drop dead..." " ...mere chicks." " Yes!" "This mischievous pair is very happy." "What they don't know is that the notary also wants to prosecute them and prepares such prosecution." "Yes!" "His huge gun is crammed with hollow tip bullets and his steel jacket, just in case." "But he doesn't know that Satanela and Marcelo aren't willing to share the dough with anyone and they come to the heirs assembly well prepared." "She has her poisoned ring, that pricks and kills as she shakes hands and the potbellied man invented a belt that also pricks and kills with a hug." "And while they get there, this innocent man keeps discombobulating his guts with orange juice enriched with arsenic." "Something strange:" "We're in Mexico and everyone is on time." "They're dying to suck each other's blood." "And since this is a secret matter, no one should find out." "Not even the Russians, so we must close the door." "Not even the air should come in." "You must understand that the air is very important in this case and in this place." "They each think they're going to prick the other but they ignore it's a funeral, and they're entering a slaughterhouse where only shameless Anastasia and Dr. Sulfatia-moon will survive." "But, no!" "He slit the oxygen gut to Anastasia's mask." "Now, only he will live!" "Holy smokes!" "It seems she's going to do the same to his." "He's a dead duck!" "We said it was a slaughterhouse and it turned out to be a gutting house." "Now, no one will survive." "They're just waiting for it to be 12 to hear Riverita say that Tin Tan is dead." "It's 12 on the dot!" "Although Tin Tan is alive, the bill collectors, that are even more alive, are charging him for the things that were delivered to the orphans." "But it appears that the check has disappeared." "It has disappeared mysteriously." "Oh my God!" "Oh my God!" " Oh!" "I know!" " What?" " The blender stole it!" " The blender?" " Or maybe the mousetrap!" " The mousetrap?" "Or the hole took it!" "I threw them out the window and I didn't check them!" " This man has gone nuts." " Yes." "Let's go get our stuff, before it's too late." " Let's go!" " Let's go!" "Lechuguita, you shouldn't be eating paper!" "Just look at this!" "For God's sake!" "Pape..." "Paper!" "I'm starting to think that you..." "Oh, Lechuguita, you smell like eaten check!" "Tin Tan, pal, what's wrong?" "A horrible disgrace, Pirulí." "I think Lechuguita ate the $5 million pesos check." "No!" "We need an x-ray." "It's clear." "Five million pesos!" " He swallowed it!" " He swallowed it!" " There it is." " How smart Lechuguita is." "She knows that ranchers keep their dough in snake skin." "Yes." "No!" "Please!" "What are you going to do?" " Be kind enough to..." " To kill her!" " How can we kill her?" " Before the check dissolves!" "No, no." "She helped me earn a living some time ago." "I won't pay her this way." "Five million pesos will turn into dust!" " Yet..." " What?" "What?" "I know a wizard who might be able to help you." "Goodness gracious." "Goodness gracious." "God's little animal." "How could you eat so much money?" "Mr. Prune, is there a way to get it out?" "When did Lechuguita eat the check?" "The check..." "What's wrong, pal?" "I have "Freebee cancer" and I'm starting to have pain." "Let me see." "I don't see the signs." "No?" "No." "I'm going to make a test." "Gentlemen, we'll be rich in 3 minutes." "Two minutes." "One minute!" "One minute of silence for our benefactor's soul." "Let's close our eyes and think of him." "What's that noise?" "That... no, well, it..." "This thing is letting out a noise." "I mean, the power." "Everything failed, gentlemen!" "Tin Tan did not die!" "The assassins failed!" "Miss Anastasia, the key, please." "The assassins failed, but we won't if that's what we want." "My daughter is right." "Let's each go our way and finish Tin Tan." "I don't think it'll take us more than an hour." "But if Tin Tan hasn't died in an hour, we should..." "We should call Satanela on the phone." "As universal heir, she'll say what should be done." " Do you agree?" " We agree!" "How nice." "So much talking, so much gas the gun, the mask..." "all for nothing!" "Anastasia!" "Anastasia!" "Doctor!" " How nice it is to be perverse." " Deny it!" "No, no." "You scared me!" "So he's the only one who can give me a duplicate of my check." "Yes." "Where can I find him?" "Jot it down." "At the ball inaugurating the Rumba-dancing Skeleton." "The Rumba-dancing Skeleton." "Yes, I know where it is." "Thank you very much." "Buddy... prepare yourself." "Yes, Wizard Verruga, I've resigned myself to die." "To live!" "You said to live?" "All you have is a progressive poisoning." "You ate or drank something strange." "You're saying I'm not going to die?" "Not what you think you're going to die of." "So then, I'm healthy and I can get married!" " Completely!" " I'm going to tell Satanela." "She'll be tickled pink!" "Excuse me." "Hello?" "I don't have it, Satanela!" "Wizard Salomón says I don't have it!" " Did you hear, my love?" " I'm not your love, idiot!" " I can't hear you, Miss." " Yes, dad?" "Is this Miss Satanela speaking?" "I'm Marcelo." "What are you doing with my daughter?" " We got tangled up." " What?" "The lines got crossed." "Everyone shut up 'cause I'm going to talk." " Is the notary listening?" " Yes." " And you, doctor?" " Yes, Miss Satanela." " Can you hear me, Marcelo?" " More respect;" "I'm your father." " That's something else, you hear?" " Yes." "Riverita, are you there?" "No?" "I don't need you." "I want you to hear this." "Tin Tan is mine." "I gave him the poison, so I get the money." "I'm not giving anyone a cent, you hear?" "You were supposed to give us orders, murderous old witch!" "You don't call my daughter old witch!" "Then I'll call your daughter old..." "And if you're a man..." " ...you'll come to my house!" " We're on our way!" "Go take a stroll, both of you!" "As soon as I find him, I'll kill him, Mr. Notary!" "I couldn't care less about you!" "Come to my house!" "Let's go!" "Alright, guys, I already told you that Tin Tan is mine money and all." "What a brat!" " Who is this?" " Tenor Riverita." "What a brat!" " You're not a doctor!" " And you're not a notary!" "Hello?" "Miss Satanela?" "This is Pirulí speaking." "Did you... hear something?" " Like what?" " As if the lines were crossed?" "No, I didn't hear anything." "I see." "I'm calling to tell you that Tin Tan won't see you tonight." "He's going to the inauguration of the Rumba-dancing Skeleton." "He's going to make a business deal." "THE RUMBA-DANCING SKELETON" "Thank you so much for coming." "It happened by chance." "Thanks to that, my business will be successful tonight." "Everyone is eager to see the Mambo of Death." "Go and get dressed!" "Hurry!" "So then, just because the inauguration is today we have to paint our faces and wear those masks?" "Yes." "Suppose we don't want to." "What happens then?" "You can't come in." "We can't come in." "And who's going to stop us?" " I am." " And who else?" "Oh my God." "Look!" "I'm shaking!" "You think I don't know that you're standing on stilts?" "What?" "You have stilts." " They're not stilts." " No." "You sure have good legs." "You should play for the Necaxa team." "Let's paint our faces." "Why haven't you painted us?" " Wait for your turn." " Please be so kind..." "You see how we do want to paint our faces?" "It's us, child." "Don't get scared." "We have a superb plan that can not fail." "Tomorrow, at this time, we will have shared the $5 million..." " ...equally." " No way, Jose." "I'm the one who gives order around here." "What?" "Don't talk to me like that 'cause I won't stand for it!" "I'll stand it even less, baldy." " Respect your father!" " You're not my father." " Who told you?" " My mother, before she died." "How indiscreet." "How did your eye fare, Marcelo?" "It's worse for you now 'cause we won't take you into consideration!" "We'll force Tin Tan to change his will!" "Here's the book." "We just need your signature." "Miss Satanela, you're on!" "Ok, get out of here!" " Come on, come on!" " You're cheating!" "You'll regret it, surrogate father!" "We'll meet again, businessman's daughter!" "So then, she's not your daughter." "When I married Satanela's mother, she was 2 months old." "Now, let's look for Tin Tan." "Among all the skeletons, how will we know who he is?" " Very easy, by the midget." " Right!" "I'll check the door, in case he hasn't come in yet." "You guys, spread yourselves around the room." "Ok." "The vultures got together to locate Tin Tan's money." "To find Potrillo faster, Pirulí will look on his own." "Goodness!" "Here are the wicked heirs, looking for Tin Tan." "What's going to happen now?" "What will happen?" "Let's hit the guy who's with Tin Tan!" "Beat the dead duck!" "He's in charge of the national lottery." "Did you know that Tin Tan won..." "We have to call the notary to force Tin Tan to sign!" " Did you notice?" " Yes." "They belong to the group of vultures." "They want to beat me up!" "Don't come close to me until we find Mr. Potrillo." "In the meantime, follow other people so they think it's me." "Come on." " Take his mask off." "Come on!" " I'm coming!" " Darn it!" "It's not Tin Tan!" " Sign!" "Sing!" "No!" "He's not Tin Tan!" "Let's go look for him!" " Let's go!" " Let's go!" "Excuse me." "Are you Mr. Potrillo?" "They're coming!" " Well?" "Did you find her?" " No, but..." "Get away!" "Don't come close to me!" " Pardon me." "Are you Riverita?" " You're telling..." " Tin Tan!" " Deny it!" "I'm Riverita!" "Golly!" "We continue to stick our foot in!" " Deny it!" " I don't." " Better luck next time." " Yes." "Let's go." " It's not this one either!" " It this one part..." " ...of the inauguration?" " Mr. Potrillo." "Mr. Potrillo!" "Inform that the attorney of the lottery was beaten up." "Potrillo!" "Mr. Potrillo!" "Mr. Potrillo!" "Mr. Potrillo!" " Let me fix you up." " Alright." "I came to look for you so you'd give me a copy of the check!" " You're Tin Tan?" " Yes, sir." "Look." "At your service." "We've looked all over for you to tell you there was a fraud." "But the forger is in jail." "No, no, it's not possible." "I don't understand!" " The bill they sold you was false." " What?" " The authentic one was cashed." " And the check they gave me?" "It was canceled days ago." "Then, I don't..." "Gee, I don't know..." " You don't what?" " I don't have any money." "Not the one of the lottery." "I'm sorry for my little orphans that won't have their bikes or their building." "Tin Tan has lost interest in life." "He wanted to be good and turned out to be dumb." "He's going to say goodbye to his fruitless love and she wickedly prepares his lethal potion in a mysteriously cheeky way." "When he sees this, he falteringly whispers love words." "Are they love words or were they censured?" "Well, she doesn't know that Tin Tan knows that she wants to poison him and he wants to know how far she'll go." "You see him alive?" "Angry?" "Well, Tin Tan is dead." "He's a living corpse, 'cause nothing matters to him any more." "He only hopes that Satanela changes her mind." " Let's listen to her repentance." " Let's have a toast." "I know that with this glass you're offering me death." "But I'll drink it because it comes from you." "I don't get it, sonny." "Yes you do, girly." "And if you don't... drink it to prove I'm wrong." "Let's see." "You see?" "You want to poison me." "But there's no reason now." "I have no money." " You don't?" " No." "Only the tall, short and fat guys are left!" "The one's that look like Tin Tan are dead." "Where did that bastard go?" "Get the midget and torture him till he talks!" "Let's see, you cowards!" "Get him!" "Don't let him escape!" "Thank you very much, Satanela, for letting me believe I could have your love." "You need to be stupid." "How could I believe it." "You're so pretty and I'm so..." "fat-lipped." "How can it be?" " Cheers." "Goodbye, Satanela." " Don't drink it." "There goes the midget!" "No!" "Let me!" "I'm the one who should drink this." "Yes?" "I'm wicked and I don't deserve to live." "I don't believe you." "Alright." "Goodbye." "No, no!" "Spit it out!" "Spit it out!" "It's poison!" "Please!" "Money blinded me but I love you with all my heart." "Say it again!" "I love you." "That's the way I wanted to catch you!" "Impudent!" "Come and see your fiancé!" "Treacherous, turncoat and checkered!" "Just a minute!" "Eat treachery." "Wear your coat!" "And lick your checkers!" "And don't keep on, 'cause the skeletons call me dentist!" "How's it possible that you changed me, your doll for that piano with a moustache?" "A piano, but not for your orchestra." "This piano with a moustache is your father unlike you, Superman." " What do you mean Superman?" " "Supermaintained"." "Let me finish." " Here he is!" " Walk!" "Here is "Pancho Villa", I mean, this jackal!" " What's going on?" " They want to kill me!" "They'll commit an infanticide!" "Either you change your will, or we'll kill Pirulí." " So then?" " Just a minute!" "How can I stay without Pirulí?" " Where do I sign?" " Here." " Very well." "Do you have a pen?" " No, sir." " You have a pen, Dr.?" " No, I have rheumatism." "I don't need that." "I'll use mine." " A few words." " Or more." "There." "Thank you very much." "It's convenient for you." "We kill them and we stay with all the money!" "Let's do it!" "It's great to be wicked!" " Deny it!" " I don't." "Guys, do you know what I'm thinking?" "Let's do it!" "And the end came as quickly as a whistle." "Strike!" "THE END"