"subtitle by peritta [clock ticking] [ominous music]" "♪ ♪" "[phone vibrating]" "310." "Hello?" "Yes, this is Martin." "Oh." "Oh, uh, okay, yeah." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "Yeah, I can manage that." "Wow, okay." "Uh, yeah." "Okay." "God, I hope he feels better." "Okay, yeah, I could come in tomorrow morning." "[chuckles] Thanks." "Bye." "[reading under breath]" " Boop." " Oh, God, stop." " You want a "hurts donut"?" " Hurts, don't it." " I got it that time." " They're bringing me in." "Kevin Michaelson got strep throat." "I have to memorize this by tomorrow." "I don't understand." "Why?" "You're the jester." "I was The Fool, but I'm the understudy." " We have a lot of reservations." "Can you call it off?" "No, this is it." "I get to play King Lear." "Oh, that's great." "No, I'm supporting it." "You'll be great." "Don't be nervous." "If you get nervous, we can strap on diapers so when you shit yourself, no one'll notice." "That's funny." " Speaking of that, someone needs to clean the men's room." "Yeah, yeah, I got it." "I got it, I know." "[mumbling indistinctly]" "Hello, hello, the Kobayashis." "Oh, Martin, look at you, handsome boy." " Are you in a movie yet?" " No, not yet." " Here, let me take your coats." " I got it." "I got it." "Table for 12, please." "12?" "Um..." " Ha!" " Oh, you got me." "Sorry, I'm all over the place." "Table for two." "All right, get you set up in the usual spot." "There you go." "[object shatters, commotion]" "Francisco, go clear off table five real quick." " Find out what just broke." " Okay." "Just so you know, someone took a big shit in the bathroom." " It's all over the ceiling." " Great, good." "Okay." "I think Louis should clean it up because he was late." " I need a break." " I don't care who does it." " Please get it done." " You got it." "Sorry, we'll get this cleared off in a second." "Can I get you some wine?" "Let me get that for you, on me." "Well, not on me, hopefully." "All right." "I'll be right back." "What's good, Marty?" " When's Hank getting here?" " He's sick." "He had the pasta Bolognese yesterday." "He just texted me." "He's been throwing up." "We gotta take it off the menu." "Jesus Christ, come on." "On a lighter note, you just got promoted to manager." "Congrats." "You're in charge tonight." " The new girl Grace?" " Yeah?" "She just texted me." "Well, she quit, so we're short-staffed." "Dynamite." "No one ever calls me." "Give me two glasses of Pinot." "We're out." "All we got is Cab." " No, we have Pinot." " I looked." "Who's in charge of stocking today?" " Hank." " Ah!" "[clatter and laughter]" "Come on, Craig!" "You drop something, you don't dwell on it, you move on to something else, all right?" "Go seat those people over there for me." " Me?" " What am I paying you for?" "Yeah, you." "[indistinct chatter]" "Marty, I want you to meet everyone." " Guys, this is Marty." " Hey, how's it going?" "Yeah, Marty and I went to high school together." "He was the only guy on the lacrosse team that wore a bathing suit in the showers." "[laughter]" "That was one time." "Hey, hey, hey, he's a big manager now, huh?" "Listen, a guy in our party," " I forget his name." " Uh-huh." "He cut his foot, stepped on a little bit of glass when it just shattered." "Can you get one of your guys, maybe take care of that?" " Sir, I have to ask you to put your shoes back on." "It's a health code thing." "And we're getting that cleaned up..." "Real quick." "Question on the menu." "So Dean was saying he was getting salmon, but on here, salmon's spelled with an L." "What is that, like, "sal-mon"?" "[laughs] This fuckin' guy!" "[laughter]" "Look at his face!" "It is." "Oh, walk it off, buddy." "[laughter] [murmuring lines under breath]" "Going left." " Pinot Noir?" " There's no more Pinot?" "I don't know." "Give 'em the Cabernet." "I'll keep looking." " Guys." "Hey." " Hey, Marty, do the joke." " There's glass all over the floor." "Clean up the glass first." "Black pants tonight." "They fit okay?" " Let me know if they shrink." "I'll get you another pair." " Do the joke." "I'm not doing the joke." "It's a dumb joke." " Do the joke." " How do you get a fat girl..." "Is that the Pinot?" "Yes, it's the Pinot." "How do you get a fat girl into bed?" "How?" "Piece of cake." "[laughs]" "Piece of..." "both:" "Because she's fat!" " Ah, Marty!" " Marty!" "Clean the bathroom, please, I'm begging you." "Don't worry." " Where are these headed?" " Table seven." "Thank you, ma'am." "Gentlemen, enjoy." "Bud, Pinot." "Phew." "Thou art a lady." "If only to go warm were gorgeous." "Why, nature needs not what thou scarcely wear'st." "Scarcely?" "Scarcely keeps thee warm." "But, for true need... [liquid fizzing]" "Bud, vodka soda." "Hey, Marty, isn't that that girl you showed me?" "I didn't want to say anything, but that's Katie, right?" " Yup." " Who's the guy?" "Probably just a friend." "Probably just a platonic friend." "Probably just a funny guy, just a funny gay friend." " Looks like he kissed her." " Yeah." "Oh, dude." "When did y'all break up?" "Arbor Day." "You want me to make 'em leave?" "Nah, nah." "Gotta say something though, right?" "I mean, you have to, right?" "All right." "I get a phone call, right?" "And it's Rebecca from last weekend." " Oh, no!" " I shit you not." "Good evening, can I start you two off with something?" "Oh, my God, Marty." "I had no idea you worked here." "Yeah, yeah, doing the management thing here now." " So, you know..." " Yeah." "This is Todd." "Hey, yeah, how you doing?" "Can we start off with some wines?" "Pinot or Merlot?" "Yeah, that's great." "Um, I'm so glad." "I'm really glad." "Feeling really glad for you." "It's exciting." " It is exciting." " Yeah." "Well, we're all out of Pinot, Todd, but, uh, make sure to set you guys up with something nice." "'Cause this is happening." "You still like whites?" "A little Pinot Grig, Chardonnay?" "Yes, please." "And for this, for the Todd?" "I'll have the same." "I'll be right back with your drinks." "It's exciting." "Can we get some water over here?" "Look at this." "It's gross." "I mean, I know California's in a drought, but this is ridiculous." "[laughter] [laughs] Is in a drought." "I'll go get you some waters." "Oh, I forgot about your wines." "Fuck." "I'm so sorry." "I'm so sorry for cursing." "I'll be right back with your drinks." " What's going on?" "A bunch of people are burning for the nine o'clocks." " Help me out." "Place is a fuckin' nightmare." "I can only do so much." "I got a bunch of tables." "Where's Craig?" "I'm winging this thing." " Hey, are you all right?" " I'm fine." " [snapping fingers]" " Yeah?" "Sir, can I be seated now?" "I've been waiting and the sign says, "Please wait to be seated."" "Okay, no, no, sir, we have a party of six, 8:45." " It's 9:00." " Okay, six, seven, eight, nine." "Yeah, Craig?" "What was the name?" "Peterson, party of six." "8:45." " Follow me, please." " Thank you." "Okay, I was here first." "Sir?" "Marty, Marty, let me show you." "These are the pictures of the bathroom." "Oh, my God, no, stop!" "Stop." "Don't take pictures of it." "Clean it." "Please, just take the menus." " Go set them up." " What's your name?" "So much worse than I thought." "You see me here, you gods, a poor old man." "Wretched old man." "[soft dinner music] [laughs]" "Hey, how you doing?" "Hi, Marty." " Hi, Meredith." " Hi, nice to meet you." "Hey, that's Mr. Manager to you." " How you doing?" " Hi." "Can I get you ladies anything tonight?" "I think we're okay." "Are you flexing your arm?" " Yeah, yeah, no, it's just a new workout I been doing." "You want to hear about it?" "Walk into the gym, find the biggest weight, pick it up, raise it over my head, throw it down." "In and out in 40 seconds." "24 Hour Fitness?" "I don't need it." "I have too much to do." "That's impressive." " Oh, yeah." " Sounds painful." "Oh, I'm in constant pain." "I'll get you guys something nice." "Bud, vodka soda, please." "Marty, you gotta get it together, man." "I'm not making you a drink." "Make yourself a drink, fill your booze." " I'm not pouring you alcohol." " Dude, come on." "She can't be here?" "This is my place." "I don't go to dinner in her neighborhood." "It's a thing, right?" "I'm saying something." " Don't say something." " I'm gonna say something." "Marty, this is one of those teachable moments." "You could learn something from this." "Oh, I'm not gonna learn a goddamn thing." "Why am I wet?" "What is that?" "Oh, my God." "Why is everything wet?" "Where are the towels?" "Fuck." "Marty." "It'll be all right." "Vodka soda." "Hey, how's everything going tonight?" "Good?" "Y'all get those drinks yet?" "No?" "Okay, sorry." "We seem to be out of the Pinot Gris as well, but can I get you something..." "Yeah, I like lots of different kinds of wines, so..." "Oh." "Yeah." "I can tell." "Hey, Todd." "How you doing, man?" "[laughs]" "Well, you certainly have a type." "Oh, don't say that, Marty." "Todd's very successful." "Chardonnay, then?" "Okay." " How about that water?" " I'm on it." "It's a little drafty in here." "Like, we're all catching colds." "[laughter]" " Chardonnay!" " We're out." " Vodka soda!" " I'm gonna go now, sir." "That's best from the look on your stupid face, you idiot." "Craig, what are you doing, man?" "Oh, God." "Hey, Marty, do the joke, huh?" " Learn the joke!" "Did you clean the bathroom yet?" "Clean the bathroom!" "Whew." "As full of grief as age, wretched in both." "If it be you that stirs these daughters' hearts fool me..." "Ah, fuck, that's not gonna work." "Fool me not so much to bear, touch me with noble anger." "And let not women's weapons stain my man's..." "Effing M, effing fuck!" "You okay?" "Yeah." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "Do the joke." "Hey, Marty, I'm sorry about that." "Stop following me." "[indistinct chatter]" "Can we talk for a sec?" "Is that all right?" " I don't think so." " We were just about to go." "It'd just be for a sec, minute tops." " Marty, I don't think so." "We're just about to leave." " I'm begging you." "It's a minute." "Just give me a minute." "Todd." "We're gonna go." "Uh..." "Ah, yeah." "No, okay, I'm sorry." "I didn't..." "I didn't want to..." "It's tough, you know?" "No, yeah, let's get you out of here." "I'm sorry." "It's not gonna be like that next time, okay?" "You're both welcome here any time." "Get home safe, okay?" "Can I get you something for the road?" "I don't think so." "Good-bye, Marty." "Bye, Katie." "Can we please get some water over here?" "And a little pasta Bolognese, huh?" "[laughter]" "No, you unnatural hag." "I will have such revenges on you." "That all the world shall." "I will do such things." "What they are, yet I know not, but they shall be the terrors of the earth!" "Oh, you think I'll weep?" "No, no, I'll not weep." "I have full cause of weeping, but this heart shall break into 100,000 flaws or ere I'll weep!" "O fool, I shall go mad!" "[quietly] And scene." "subtitle by peritta"