"When you're always youself all the time, it feels like you no longer exist." "But there's this little part of you that's insistent that you remember all the pain, and all that you have lost." "Daniel Holden confessed to killing Hanna." "The sentence was vacated on a DNA technicality." "Now that I'm here in this world," "I don't have figured out yet." "It will be glorious, Daniel." "Did you have feelings for him, Tawney." "There are people around here, Mom, that want to see Daniel dead." "It's time to join the human race, and all its privitations." "And tell how we make this right, Daniel?" "How we exist as a family now?" "You're the most reluctant innocent man I ever seen." "Did you kill Hanna Dean?" "So Daniel just leave town now?" "As a convicted murderer." "I wanna give it my best shot." "I know you will." "What's up, Dan?" "The order." "It's done." "Okay." "Wow." "Uh..." "It's not really time to start a new order." "Why don't you slip out early?" "I'll clock you out." "Is that a problem?" "Um, my bus doesn't get here for another 45 minutes." "Well..." "Go hang out in the break room or somethin'." "Maybe I could, uh, get my check, too, uh, while I'm here?" "You don't work for free?" "No, not working for free." "Hell with that, right?" "Hell with that." "Everything going well with, uh... everything?" "Grateful to have a job, you know." "We're glad to have you, Dan." "Really are." "Well, I'm glad you're glad." "See you tomorrow." "What's up?" "I-I'm sorry." "Uh..." "Should I come back now to clock out or... or not?" "I got you covered, pal." "No sweat." "The most important thing we can do here at the New Canaan Project... is to help you gain employment." "And then keep that employment." "Some of y'all might be better at getting jobs, others at keepin' 'em." "But if you can't do both out here... well, you know how that story ends." "In the old days, you might lie about your past, not that that was ever a good idea." "Maybe it wouldn't catch up with you." "That's not an option today." "Why is that?" "Hmm?" "Why is lying a bad idea?" " Yes, ma'am." " Internet." "Background checks." "Much easier now." "One click." "If you did the time, that they will find." " So what you gotta do?" " Tell the truth." "Tell the truth." "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" "Remember, Brittany, most prospective employers are already gonna know you're an ex-offender." "It's just kind of shameful to talk about it." "Well, the more times you tell your story, the easier it'll get, I promise." "It's not about making you ashamed." "Okay?" "Ready?" "Were you ever convicted of a felony?" "Yes, ma'am." "I was incarcerated at the Darbyville State Prison." "And what were you in there for?" "Sorry to interrupt." "Um, here's my pay stub." "Dan, this is Brittany." " Hello, Brittany." " Hello." "Dan's one of our clients, too." "How long you been out?" "Few months." "I've only been out a week." "Quite an adjustment, huh?" "I'll say." "Dan's one of our many success stories." "I-I'd call it more a-a work in progress." "You wanna share how long you were in?" "Um, sure." "A little over 19 years." "Wow." "I only did four." "Four years is... is still a long time in one's life." "The point is, by using our techniques," "Dan was able to get a good-paying job." "Took a while." "Which is the norm." "Most clients have to interview multiple times before getting a job." "Right, Dan?" "Well, that's... that's right, Maggie." "Uh, which is why we... we treat each... job interview as a... as an opportunity to learn rather than a-a positive or..." "or... or a negative experience, based on the end result of that... e-experience." "That's a smart way to think about it." "Yeah, they... they kind of got things figured out 'round here." "You'll be in good hands." "See you later." "Hey, Daniel." "It's your mama." "Not much to say today, other than everybody misses you terribly." "Let's see." "Jared got a new bike." "He isn't much interested in cars yet, which is good." "Bikes are a lot cheaper." "And your job sounds interesting, honey." "You know, a good place to start." "Proud of you." "Anyway, call me again if you get the chance." "I-I promise to have the phone near me next time." "No pressure, though." "We love you." "Don't see many dudes getting letters on the outside." "Everybody's texting." "Y-yeah." "Anyway, group's startin' in a few." "Thanks." "For me, keeping busy on the inside was a way to keep out of trouble." "It's the same out here, really." "Yeah, it's a good way to look at it, Nate." "Y'all got to keep busy, especially if you don't have a job yet." "What's going on, Pickle?" "Oh, you know." "Keepin' on, keepin' on." "All right." "Good, good." "Uh, let..." "let's see." "Went on another job interview today." "Number 14, not that I'm countin'." "Mm-hmm." "How'd it go?" "Well, you know, they always perk up when they hear" "I was in the laundry business for 23 years, till they realize I was washing nasty-ass convict clothes." "Then you see that... fear, judgment, whatever come up in 'em." "How do you respond to that?" "Do like y'all say." "Turn the positive into a negative, uh, uh, negative into a positive." "You know what I'm sayin'." "Tell 'em I learned from my mistakes, paid my debt to society." "Be a good employee if anybody give me a chance." "You feel like you have a chance?" "A real chance to get a job when they're interviewing you?" "I ain't had a job outside a prison in 25 years, Avery." "How I'm supposed to know what a real chance feel like?" "Okay, that's honest." "Hmm?" "That's all we want, fellas, for y'all to be honest." "Ain't no right or wrong, just honest." "You're going to get a job, Pickle." "Can't every employer out here be a dumb-ass." "'Preciate that, Nate." "Jesse, you wanna share?" "Might just pass tonight." "You sure now?" "Yeah, I'm sure." "Okay." "You got some family coming in this weekend, right?" "My little girl's comin'." "My mom's bringing her." "That's something to look forward to." "Yes, sir." "Always have something to look forward to." "Right, fellas?" " Mm-hmm." " That's right, sir." "Right." "Mr. Tyrus... how are things in the world of mass communications?" " Can I get real?" " Lord, Tyrus." "This is the one place you better get real." "All y'all had." "Get real now or forever hold your peace." "Sometimes people say shit," " shit that in prison..." " Now hold on, hold on." "People at your work say shit?" "Remarks and shit, like, connotations or whatever." "You know, like in prison, you knew when somebody was disrespecting you." "Out here, I don't know if they... messing with me or not." "Maybe they are messing with you, Tyrus." "But messing with you out here ain't the same as inside." "You can't just go bumping titties with some homie 'cause he looked at you sideways." "It ain't all about respect and disrespect, Tyrus, that's some... that's some prison yard bullshit, man." "That's right." "I hear you." "Just get twisted sometime." "Who don't, man?" "That's..." "that's... that's life." "Things take time, too, Tyrus." "Can't learn the straight life overnight just like we didn't learn the convict life that way." " That's right." " Damn, Tyrus." "You might just learn something from the middle-aged white man, too." "Radical." "Dan?" "How are you this evening?" "Uh, things are good, sir." "That's good." "Good that things are good." "I, um... it's, uh, I'm grateful to have full-time employment now." "I, uh, I got another paycheck today, uh, which is the point..." "I guess." "U-um, went to the bank, came back to get ready for group, and now I'm here." "Yes, you are." "Here." "Thanks for sharing, Dan." "All right, well, let's close it out." "Nate?" "Sure." "God, grant me... the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference." "Hey, Dan." "We got a problem." "Problem?" "With the big order last week." "The one you filled." "But I always recheck my orders." "I don't know what happened." "I just know it was wrong." "They're sending back the whole order, on us." "Well, y-you could cross-reference that and check whether it was their error or ours." "To what end?" "I-I'm sorry?" "Zyndeck is one of our biggest customers." "They believe it's our mistake." "It's not our job to convince them otherwise, is it?" "Why not?" "It's our job to make it right." " But if it was their mistake..." " So here's what's gonna happen." "Earl, you and Dan are gonna refill the order ASAP." " Can't Cedric help him?" " Really, Earl?" "I don't care how long it takes." "Just get it done by tonight." "Is that clear?" "Yes, sir." "Supposed to go to that Jamey Johnson show tonight." "Nice work, dude." "I-it wasn't my fault." "You tell my girlfriend that?" "I-I think if we both, uh, pull orders and... and recheck them against one list, it..." "Yeah, well, I've been doing this a lot longer than you." "And we'll pull them together so we don't screw it up like the first time." "Grab a ladder." "There a problem?" "It's all good, dude." "The transformer." "They're telling us it's gonna be at least an hour, maybe more." "Can we go get some food off site?" "Yeah, that'd probably be all right." "Just make sure you stay close by." "Take your phones." "Let's go get some barbecue and beer." "You wanna come with us?" "Uh... well..." "Ain't no big deal, man." "Maybe I'll just go for a walk." "Thank you, though." "All right." "Suit yourself." "Can we help you?" "I-I just saw you with the bird and was..." "Appalled?" " Uh... more curious." " Like, train wreck curious?" "I-if a train wreck is absurd." " W-what is this place?" " We're an artists' cooperative." "Sometimes we're an artists' dysfunctional, but, uh, mostly we're cooperative." "Are you an artist?" "No, I-I'm a warehouseman." "That's cool." "Do you want to be an artist?" "Aren't you either an artist or not an artist?" "How 'bout a patron of the arts?" "We prefer those, anyway." "I don't think I have enough money to qualify." "I'm sorry." "Or there are other ways." "You can donate your brawn." "You are shameless." "I know." "We're putting on our annual Art Walk... uh, Art Mingle... in a couple of weeks, and we need help lifting and loading." "Sound irresistible?" "It's sort of like being a warehouseman for free." "Sorta, but in a warehouse that's trying to do something that's worth a shit..." "something that matters." "Or you could just, you know, come to the show." "Tell your friends." "Sure, no problem." "Uh, that's mine." "You like shiny things?" "I like these." "Why?" "Well, they're... they're mostly metal, but somehow still delicate." "Make no inference towards their creator." "None made." "Civilization staves off anarchy one more time." "Aren't you kind of disappointed?" "I should go." "Are you sure you don't wanna... create something?" "It's really powerful." "Scary, isn't it?" "It's more than that." "What do you mean?" "Everything okay, buddy?" "No, I-I-I should go." "Thank you for the tour." "Hey, uh, what's your name?" "It's, um..." "It doesn't matter." "Why doesn't it matter?" "This isn't real." "Hey, Dan." "Past curfew." "I had to work late." "Missed my bus." "You call in?" "I don't think so." "Jesse's gone." "Is that right?" "Took a urine test yesterday with his P.O." "Came back dirty today." "Guess that's why he left sometime in the night." "I'll be." "Jesse talk to you?" "'Bout what?" "Anything." "No." "Y'all still thinking y'all in prison or something?" "Now I'm The Man?" "Is that what's happening?" "Any of y'all can leave right now." "You don't have to fail a piss test." "Just walk out that front door, your own free will." "Some of us gotta be here, Avery." "Here?" "At a halfway house." "Terms of our probation." "Well, then go somewhere else." "If you don't like it here, go to some other house." "The Old Canaan House." "Your mama's house." "We won't stop you and we won't report you." "We not law enforcement." "We know that, Avery." "I'm not so sure about that "we," Nate." "But I do know this... a divided house will fall." "A sick house will fall." "And I'll clean out the whole goddamn place 'fore I let that happen." "I'll move the good ones to some other residence and let the rest of y'all follow your bliss." "You feel me?" "Yes, sir." "Now I'm gonna go to my house." "And whoever's here tomorrow, I'll assume wants to be here." "Y'all are acting like Dan wouldn't rat Jesse out, that he was protecting him from something." "From... from what?" "From help?" "Truth is, I think Dan didn't even know a thing about Jesse to tell." "Do you, Dan?" "What's going on, Dan?" " Not much." " Weren't you out there when Avery threatened to kick us all out the house?" "I think I was, yes." "Then why you in here reading a book like that didn't just happen?" "What do you want me to do?" "When you don't talk to people, Dan, let 'em get to know you, people start thinking you don't like 'em or that you think you're better than they are." "That's not what I think." "Or that you're hiding something." "People don't know what to think." "Just human nature." "I'm just not comfortable being around people." "It... it's not personal to any of you." "Then don't let the door hit your ass on the way out." "Hey, hey." "Hold on now, Tyrus." "Seriously." "It comes down to either you in or you out." "Right?" "I guess I'm out then." "Now hold on, hold on, hold on." "Look, we're not trying to force you out." "Trying to get this house in order 'fore Avery take it in his own hands, you know?" "You're a bright guy, Dan." "Real bright." "Everybody in this house recognizes that." "But I'm gonna be honest with you." "Jesse didn't need the smartest guy in the room." "He needed somebody who showed a little interest in him, who cared about him some." "You know, if he had that guy for a roomie, who's to say he wouldn't still be here?" "Who's to say?" "We ain't trying to make you the bad guy here." "Now we all had a part in this." "Ultimately, Jesse his own man." "But whatever he needed and didn't get in this house, that is on us, all of us." "To some degree, we got to be our brother's keeper." "Am I right?" "Probably so." "That's how places like this work." "It's really the only way they can work." "We just need you to be one of us." "I may just not be up to the task." "To help others or to let others help you?" "Both." "Neither." "Well, that's something you'll have to decide for yourself." "Okay." "We'll leave you be then." "Wasn't sure you'd still be here, Dan." "Have a seat." "Hell is other people." "I don't follow." "It's a quote from a play that I-I read in prison called "No Exit."" "Dan, you weren't into escapist fare, were you?" "The three characters in the play were in hell." "Forced to be together, just be together, in a room for eternity." "And that was their hell." "Well..." "Like I said last night, Dan, you don't have to be here." "Certainly not for eternity." "That's the problem." "I'm not sure I can be out there either in the world." "Now that sounds like hell." "Those other guys in the house, Nate, Pickle, Tyrus, when they were in prison, they were usually around a lot of other guys, right?" "Interacting." "Sounds like prison." "I was alone, interacting with myself." "I'm aware of that." "Or the voices inside the grate." "Voices?" "The other inmates on the row." "We would communicate with each other through the grates." "I see." "Sometimes with friends, sometimes with... no friends at all." "But no matter who it was," "I would never get to see them or feel them, their... their presence." "And that's not the same." "No." "No, it's not." "And I did that." "I lived like that for 20 years." "That's a long time." "It's a strange way to exist." "It's inhuman." "What is it, Dan?" "If not now, when?" "After my friend was executed," "I became despondent... more despondent." "I guess depressed." "Enraged." "But more than anything, I was lonely." "So deeply lonely." "He had protected me from that more than I realized." "I bet." "When you are alone with yourself all the time, with no one but yourself, you begin to go deeper and deeper into yourself until... you lose yourself." "It's a perverse contradiction." "It's like your ego begins to disintegrate until you... have no ego." "Not in the sense that you..." "you become humble or... or... or gain some kind of perspective, but that you literally lose your sense of self." "And I'm not sure anyone, unless they have gone through it, can... can... can truly understand how... profound that loss is." "It's like the psychic glue that binds your whole notion of existence is gone, and you become unglued." "I think, therefore I am." "I think too much, therefore I am not." "I am not, therefore I am nothing." "I am nothing, therefore I am dead." "And if I am dead, then why am I still so goddamn lonely?" "It's good that you're talking about this, Dan." "What you've been through and what you've lost..." "Part of the grieving process, you know?" "Is there a 90-day plan for that, too?" "A New Canaan House grief plan?" "What color binder is that housed in?" "Ain't no plan for that." "But we're here to help you." "We really are." "The problem with your program is I don't fit." "You're a human being, Dan." "You fit." "One of your biggest tenets or dictums or whatever you call it is..." "is to be upfront, yeah?" "Be straight, be real." "Tell the world what you did, right?" "No, not tell the world, just who you need to." "The tiny little issue I am having, Avery, is that I don't know what real is." "I don't truly know what I did or didn't do." "I can say I am a convicted murderer, which is true." "I am convicted." "And I can say that I killed her, too..." "Hanna... which I have said more than once." "And I can even imagine that I killed her, which I have imagined, because that's what I've been asked to do multiple times." "But I honestly can't say that I did, in fact, kill her." "Because I just don't remember, for the life of me." "And that's..." "Your truth." "Yes." "That's my truth." "And what if you never know what happened?" "I don't know." "And I don't know what to do with that unknowing." "Sounds like you got to accept it." "What else can you do?" "It's not so easy." "Of course it isn't, but... you never tried, have you?" "No." " Why not?" " I don't know." "Come on." "You know why not." "Because I don't feel like I deserve it." "I-is that the answer you wanna hear?" "Deserve what?" "A life?" "I didn't think it would end this way." "That you'd get out?" "Alive." "No." "Then that's what you've got to decide, whether you deserve a life or not, out here, after all you've been through." "After all that punishment, after all that suffering, your one life." "Do you deserve to live it?" "And just because you don't remember or know for sure whether you killed that girl or not, that doesn't mean you did it either." "Right?" "Maybe you oughta lean the other way for a while, that you didn't do it." "But if I lean that way, it... it means..." "Means what?" "That I'm just making a decision." "Okay." "What else can you do?" "Not make a decision?" "And isn't that the same thing?" "And didn't you already make a decision the other way?" "This may sound hokey as shit, but... you gotta figure out some way to love yourself." "Hello." "Hello." "I-I'm sorry about yesterday." "I'm..." "I'm not always like that." "We're emotional beings." "It happens." "I-I don't know if you still need help with things." "Uh, or if it's too late, which I understand." "It's never too late." "I'm, uh..." "I was in prison for a, you know, a pretty long time, actually." "And I, uh," "I haven't been out very long, really, you know, in... in the context of time." "And I-I don't know many people out here." "I just needed to state that, I guess." "Well..." "I was in a sorority once and I don't feel too good about that, but... here we are." "I'm Daniel." "My name." "Hello, Daniel." "I'm Chloe." "Well, that didn't help." "Which means it did." "Playing Tonk." "Is that right?" " No, you di'int." " Yes, I did." "You ever play Tonk, Dan?" "No." "Never." "That's cool." "Boom!" "Oh, man." "Looks saucy." "Get that way sometimes." "You need to save some of that luck for your job hunt, dill Pickle." "Oh." "Oh." "Okay." "You funny." "You wanna play, Dan?" "Maybe I'll just watch." "Okay." "Well, that ain't no fun." "Come on, get on in here." "We'll walk you through it." "Okay." "Sure." "Can't be too hard." "Otherwise, Tyrus wouldn't be playing." "You gonna be like that, old man?" " Just telling the truth." " Here we go." "I'm gonna deal out five cards to each of us." "Okay." "Draw." "You ever play any kind of cards, Dan?" "A-a long time ago." "My sister and I would... would... would play with my father." "Oh, that's cool." "What kind of game you play?" "It was Rummy." "We... we played Rummy." "Well, shoot." "You'll pick this up in no time." "Sure, it's a lot like Rummy." "I'll tell you what, let's play an open hand." " Slam down." "We'll explain it." " Okay." "So all these face cards, they're worth 10."