"Oh, great." "Here, just set them down." "Easy, real easy." "Just set them down there real easy." "Thank you." "Can I help you?" " Uh, no." "Um..." "I was just wondering, where do you keep your T-shirts?" "Well, I keep them in my drawer." "Where do I come up with them?" "No, okay." "Eh..." "The T-shirts are right here, and I think this one is your size." "Hey, hey, don't hustle me." "Okay." "Uh..." "You look around first, and then I'll hustle you." "My marbles, my slingshot." "Ah..." "A third-grade test paper." "Look at that, I got an A." "Oh..." "Minus." "Oh." "I saved all this stuff from childhood." "My parents sent everything." "Ah-ah-ah." "That's not trash." " Looks like garbage to me." "What's this?" "A crutch?" "No." "No, that's not a crutch." "It's a pogo stick." "Well, of course it is." "Don't be ridiculous." "You got a pogo ball in here somewhere?" "Balki, here." "Let me show you how this works." "This is the greatest toy in the world." "I spent half my childhood on this thing." " Ooh..." "What else does it do?" "Nothing else." "That's it." "I guess you had to be there." "Fine, fine, forget it." "Just trying to share a little bit of my life." " Oh, cousin, I'm sorry." "Did you pay money for this?" " No, forget it." "Oh, oh." "My bike." "Black Beauty." "How are you, fella?" "Balki, this is my bike, Black Beauty." "Black Beauty and I grew up together." "We even did a wheelie once." "Didn't we, fella?" "Whoo." "Hey, if you're finished talking to the bicycle, can I buy this pen and get out of here?" "That's a good choice, a very good choice." "You know, they're only 50 cents, and they write forever." "You're a very smart shopper." " Yeah, yeah." "And a very busy one too." "What's this?" "A pocket calculator." "That runs 9.95." "But you'll need batteries for that." " No." "Balki, he was stealing." "I wasn't gonna steal it." "Cousin, he probably meant to pay for it, and then he forgot." "Yeah, that's it." "I forgot." "Can I go now?" "No, you cannot go now." "I want your name and address." "I am going to call your mother." " No, you're not." "Oh, wait a minute." "You forgot your notebook, Eddie." "Eddie." "Uh-huh." "Eddie Harris, 315 Lincoln Avenue." "He lives in our building." " Well, I'll be snookered." "So do we." "Howdy, neighbor." "Look, I don't want any trouble." "I just moved in." "I'll make you a deal." "You don't call my mom, and I won't come in your store again." "Cousin, he's sorry." "Why don't you let him go?" "Okay, but don't let it happen again." "Bye." "There goes a tragedy you see a thousand times in a big city." "A kid starts off shoplifting, pretty soon he's stealing hubcaps then the whole car, ends up in and out of prison." "Never has a shot at a decent life." "Cousin, that's terrible." " Yeah, it is." "If only someone would take the time to point him in the right direction maybe he'd have a chance." "Well, I gotta get this stuff upstairs." "But, cousin, we have the time." "Well, maybe we could spend some time with him." "I'm good with kids." "I grew up with a lot of brothers and sisters." "Tomorrow's Saturday." "We could start helping him." "We can start right now." "Give me 25 cents." " Okay." "Why?" "Well, we can pay for the pen we let him walk out with." "That's right, Mrs. Harris, your son, Eddie." "Yeah, we really do want to spend the day with him." "Yes, I'll be sure to keep my hand on my wallet." "I understand that it's my funeral, but I'm willing to take that chance." "Ha." "Yes, all right." "Uh..." "Well, thank you for the warning." "Yeah, bye-bye." "Interesting woman." "I'm beginning to get some insight into Eddie Harris or Fast Eddie, as his mother affectionately calls him." "Why she call him that?" "Well, probably because he's growing up too fast." "He's been arrested twice for shoplifting and she didn't go into it but they can't go back to Florida." "Oh, cousin, that the saddest story I ever hear." "Except for the woman I read about in the checkout line who had feet the size of watermelons." "Well, we can't help her, can we?" "No, no." "But we can help Eddie." " Yes." "We'll use the three P's:" "Patience, perseverance and pride." "Well, cousin, I was thinking maybe we could play boochi tag with him." "No, no." "No boochi tag." "We're not playing any Mypos games." "But, cousin, it's fun, and it's really easy to play." "Balki, I said no." "You're "it."" "Balki, I told you, I'm not playing." "Yes, I know, but you have to because you're "it."" "Boochi, boochi, boochi." "And, you know, once a game of boochi tag starts you have to play it until it's over." "No, I don't have to." "Well, okay, in that case, you just have to be "it" forever." "Boochi, boochi, boochi." "Balki, I'm not playing any childish game of tag." "You're "it."" " Huh." "Boochi, boochi, boochi." "BALKl:" "Boochi." "Boochi, boochi, boochi." "Ah..." " Ah..." "All right, all right, you win." " Mm-hm." "Boochi, boochi, boochi." "Ha!" " Ha-ha." "Yah!" " Ho-ho." "What's this?" " Hmm?" "Oh..." "Boochi, boochi, boochi." "You're "it."" " No, I'm not." "Yes, you are." "I just tagged you." " Yes, I know, but I'm not "it."" "Why not?" "Because I'm holding the boochi." "Did I mention that Dimitri was the boochi?" " You made that up." "Well, I guess you'll just have to go to Mypos to find out." "Eddie." " Eddie." "Hi, Eddie." "My mom told me I had to come here to have fun." "So let's get this over with." "Well, we're gonna have a great time." "How do you feel about pottery?" "What?" "Our first stop will be the museum." " Are you serious?" "Or we could go on a walking tour of the major architectural sights downtown." "I'm out of here." "Or we could play video games until our eyes fall out and then eat hot dogs until we bust a gut." "Now, that sounds better." " Okay, let's go." "You know, Balki, I really had a great time yesterday." "Yeah, well, I think Eddie did too." "I saw him smile twice." "Did you notice after we bought him the 12th hot dog, he said thank you?" "You know, I think we have a gift for working with kids." "Yeah, I do too." "Balki..." "What are you doing?" "Looking for those Monster Man tattoos." "Surprise." "I already got them." "Maybe we should give those to Eddie." " I don't think so." "You know, he's not such a bad kid." "I don't know why his mother gives him such a hard time." "If she just had a little faith in him just a little bit of trust, you know, that would be all it would..." "Balki, Balki." "What, what?" " Black Beauty is gone." "That rotten kid stole my bike." "Let's go upstairs to Eddie's apartment and get Black Beauty." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "How can you be sure it was Eddie who took the bike?" "Who else could it be?" "He's the only thief who lives in the building." "Wait, wait." "Maybe he did take it, but just to borrow." "Oh, I'm sure you have a perfectly logical explanation for his borrowing my bike?" "Well, of course I do." "Don't be ridiculous." "What is it?" "Mm-hm." " I don't know, but, cousin..." "If you want to help somebody, give him the benefit of the doubt." "Doubt?" " Doubt." "You have to trust him." "Balki, his own mother doesn't trust him." "The entire state of Florida doesn't trust him." "Eleven million people can't be wrong." "No, wait a minute, wait a minute." "Wait." "Cousin, Eddie is coming down here in a minute." "You have to promise you'll give him a chance." "Remember the three P's:" "Patience, perseverance and pride." "Balki, when it comes to Eddie, the only three P's are police, prosecution and prison." "Cousin, this is America." "And every man is innocent until proven guilty." "You haven't even heard his side of the story yet." "Now, you promise me that you will keep an open mind." "No." "I don't have to promise anything." "What are you doing?" "Promise you'll keep an open mind." " No." "Promise?" " No!" "Well, then I'll just hold you here until your hair falls out." "All right, all right." "I promise I will keep an open mind." "Okay." "So are you guys ready to go?" "You're not going anywhere, punk." "Cousin." "All right, all right." " Hey, what's going on?" "I thought we were going to the movies." "Cousin Larry is a little upset because his bike is missing." "Hey, I don't know anything about his bike." "You see?" " Mm-hm." "Then what's he doing with this?" "It's one of Black Beauty's streamer strands." "I found it in the hall." " Oh, yeah, tell me another." "I want my bike back, you freckle-faced felon." "This is very important, and I want you to tell me the truth." "Did you take Cousin Larry's bike?" " No, I did not take his bike." "Well, there you go." "I knew you didn't do it." "You just can't accept it, can you?" "When are you gonna see this kid for what he really is?" "Does he have to steal your shoes?" "Eddie, when you take his wallet, leave his driver's license." "It means a lot to him." "I don't need this from you." "I get enough of this garbage at home." "I'm calling Eddie's mother." " No." "Why you do that?" "Because she can get my bike back." " But, cousin, Eddie did not take the bike." "And you'll get him into trouble." " Don't worry about Eddie." "I'm sure he'll continue a life of crime and someday write a best-selling book." "But, cousin, he told us that he didn't take the bike." "Why you can't trust and believe him?" " Oh, trust Eddie?" "Believe Eddie?" "Fine." "Why don't we invite him down here to steal whatever his heart desires?" "No, no." "Why stop at Eddie?" "Why not invite every thief in the city?" "Hey, everybody, we've got a new stereo." "Anybody wanna steal it?" "Help yourself!" "It's bargain day at Larry and Balki's Rip-Off City!" "Oh, cousin." "Aah!" "Ow!" "Oh." "Oh." " Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Got you." " Oh!" "You seem troubled." "Do you think so?" "Yes, I can tell because that vein on your neck is popping out and your upper lip has disappeared altogether." "I'm calling Eddie's mother." "No, no, cousin, cousin..." "Cousin..." "Hello, Mrs. Harris, this is Larry Appleton." "Huh!" "Cousin, it's your bike." "It's about Eddie." " Cousin." "I'll have to call you back." "Bye-bye." "Jennifer, Black Beauty." "Oh, thank you." "I've been working on my tan." "It seems okay." "No nicks, no dents." "Where did you find it?" "I found it in the hall." "I hope you didn't mind me borrowing it." "You borrowed it?" "Well, yes." "My car was in the garage, and I needed to go pick it up." "It was early, and I didn't wanna bother you." "Oh, it's no bother." "I didn't miss it at all." "Didn't miss it at all?" "You were threatening a child and yelling out the window." "Was that you?" "Well, it's my childhood bike." "I'm kind of attached to it." "We better go, Jennifer." "I think it's obvious that Larry's suffering from severe separation anxiety caused by the temporary loss of his childhood bicycle." "Where do you learn stuff like this?" "I watch Oprah." "Thanks again, Larry." " Anytime, Jennifer." "Bye." " Bye." "Got my bike back." "Mm-hm." " Mm-hm." "It wasn't stolen." " No, no, no." "I know what you're thinking." " Oh..." "You're thinking that I didn't give Eddie a chance." "And you're disappointed in me because when the going got tough I gave up on him." "And I owe you an apology." "Uh..." "No." "No." "No, but I owe somebody an apology, don't I?" "Come in." "My mom said I had to come down here." "What do you want?" "You got your bike back." "Did you dust it for my fingerprints?" "Eddie, I know you didn't take it." "I'm the one who's guilty." "You stole your own bike?" "What a lame-o." "I'm guilty of accusing you falsely." "I was wrong." "And I'm sorry." "Can I go now?" "No, I wanna talk to you about my bike." "You see, I have this problem." "I don't have time to ride it, and it's only gonna gather dust." "So I thought I'd give it to somebody who could use it." "Are you interested?" " You're giving me your bike?" "Yeah." "I hope it gives you as many nice memories as it gave me." "I don't get this guy." "Sometimes I don't either." "He's very complex." "But inside that little man beats a heart as big as a liver." "I never had a bike before." "Well, you do now." "Ha." "Ah, thanks." "I'll take good care of it." "Could you do me one favor, though?" "Could you tell my mom you gave it to me, so she doesn't think I stole it?" "Sure thing." "What are you gonna call it?" " I'm gonna call it "my bike."" "That was a very nice thing you did." " Ah, big deal." "I gave him a bike." "I also called him a thief and a freckle-faced felon." "I thought I was good with kids, but I really messed up this one." "That's not true." "You made a very good start with him, and then something bad happened." "And then you lost your mind." "Thanks for clearing that up for me." "Cousin, you pointed him in the right direction." "And if he follows your example someday he'll be as good a man as you are." "Well, I think maybe he should aim higher." "This Mypiot thinks it's pretty high." "I know how to cheer you up." "We could play a game of boochi tag." " Oh..." "No, no, Balki." "I don't want to play boochi tag." "Boochi, boochi, boochi." "BALKl:" "Aah!"