" welcome back, felix." " It's good to be back, gary." " It says here that you've had two suspensions in the last semester." " Oh, that can't be right." "I thought that was three." " Two, felix." "Two suspensions." "The first was in september for rewiring the cheerleaders fund-raiser money to a koala bear sanctuary." " Noble cause, don't you think?" " I think you owe an apology to a dozen cheerleaders." " I think there are two dozen koalas that would disagree with that, gary." " And then again, in october for programming the gym scoreboard to display an indecent photo of mrs." "Jensen." " Whoo!" " I think I did everyone a favor with that one." " I'm not gonna play games with you, felix." "Two suspensions in a single semester is unheard of here at eastwood." " Mr. Truman, I understand" "I'm..." "I'm not what you'd consider an exemplary student." "But I believe I play a pivotal role in the operations of this school." "If I wasn't here to test the rules, how would the other students even know they existed?" " Today I was told that you hacked the vending machines to give out free gum to students." "Is that true?" " Gum?" " Are you trying to get expelled?" " And deny you the pleasure of my company?" " I'm expelling you, felix." "That's it." " Wait." "Seriously?" " That was your third strike." " So that means I-I can't come to class anymore?" " Oh, you'll never set foot in the school again." " Gary..." "I don't know how to thank you." "incredible." "I spent my whole school career trying to ditch class, and they punish me by giving me an early retirement." "Right now mr." "Truman is about to call my mom to let her know about my expulsion." "I can't let that happen." " Oh!" "Oh!" " On average, an eastwood high fire drills take 11 minutes." "I only need 10." " Yo, felix!" " Danny boy." "What's up, buddy?" " You pulled the fire alarm again?" " Of course." "Did I get you out of that trig test?" " You got me out of the trig test." " Timed it perfectly." " Yeah." "Yo, I heard you got suspended." " Nope, expelled." " Whoa, what?" "Are you serious?" " Yeah." " Dude, your parents are gonna kill you." " Only if they find out, and they won't." " What makes you say that?" " We'll talk soon." "I got a take an important call in eight and a half minutes." " You're insane!" " I programmed my mom's phone to forward her calls to my skype account." "When mr." "Truman calls, I'll just... excuse me." "I got to take this." "Hello?" "Expelled?" " Expelled, mrs." "O'neil." "We have a three-strike policy here at eastwood, and that was his third strike." " What are we gonna do with him?" " What are we gonna do with him?" " Who, me?" " No, not you." "Ben." " What happened?" "I thought he was improving." " His grades are getting worse." " Last year, my brother, ben, forged a report card." "When my parents found out, they sent him to the mountain disciplinary academy." "Located in the foot hills of montana, it's more of a jail than a school." "There's bar on windows, wardens instead of teachers." "I heard it smells like butthole." " He got a 1.7 gpa." "Unbelievable." " What about you, felix?" "How are things at school?" " Things are great." "I aced my trig test." " There you go." " Wow." "Great job, kiddo." " Yep." "Studied for it all week." " I like to hear that." " Yes." " Diane says the report cards are coming out in a few days." " Mm, and what kind of grades can we expect to see?" " Lots of "a" s." " Aw." " Looks like I'm gonna need a new report card." "Getting a decent report card here at eastwood is pretty difficult..." "Slightly more difficult when you've been expelled." "There are only seven people with the power to print a report card." "Just one of them is a student." "She's mr." "Truman's t.A." "She also happens to be my bitter ex-girlfriend." " Someone's coming." " I do not have time to talk to you." " You haven't heard what I want talk about." " Now we've already talked more than I wanted." " I need a report card." " Then I suggest going back to school, preferably somewhere far from here." " Ouch." "Or you could just print one for me." "No." " Um, weren't you expelled?" " Um, yeah." " Can you please go?" " Any reason you keep covering stacy's anti-bullying postings?" " I want to win." " I can help with that." "I don't think so." " Oh, come on." "We both know I can." " Vanessa, don't." "He's trouble." " Can you finish this for me?" "Sure." " Bye." " So stacy's favored to win this thing." "Yeah, I figured." " So how do I beat her?" " Oh, it's actually really simple." "Just hand out cute little marshmallows with your name on them." " Do I need to slap you?" " Hey, guys?" "Could you possibly get off the stairs?" "You're in the shot." " It blows my mind that people like her so much." " Hey, hey, come over here." "I'll interview you for my bullying segment." " I want you to end her." " That can be arranged." "Can you get me my report card?" " Yes, I can get you a report card." " Great." "I'll take straight "a" s, please." " Do you have the slightest clue as to how much work goes into getting straight "a" s?" " Mm..." "Don't care." "I'll take straight "a" s, please." " Done." "What's the plan?" " All it takes is a single tweet." " Roxy?" " Roxy." "Meet roxy." "Roxy is infamous for ruining the lives of students with vicious rumors." "I am no exception." ""Leave it to felix o'neil to creep on the girl's bathroom" ""through a hole on the ceiling." "♪ Peepingtom."" "It all happened when vanessa and I were dating freshman year." "After school, I tried to break into the library to borrow a new p.C." "Aah!" "This isn't the boys' bathroom." " A single tweet caused the bitter end of my sweet, sweet relationship with vanessa." "danny!" "What are you doing here?" " I need help with something." " Seriously, though, where the hell did you just come from?" " The window." " You scared me half to death, man." " Oh!" " I apologize." "I need you to help me hack into roxy." " And I need you to shut your mouth." "How's that?" "Cool." " Is there a problem here?" " Uh, yeah, there is a problem." "I don't like hacking into things that can tweet my social life out of existence." " No." "Yeah, yeah, but that's the thing." "If we had roxy's password, we could control the tweets." " Go on." " We could delete them or..." "Post them." " We can post them?" "I mean, I guess it wouldn't hurt to just get the password." " Yes, exactly!" "Do your thing, man." "Do your thing." "how's it coming?" " You may want to sit down for this." "Password acquired." "And I also found roxy's I.P. Address." " You got the I.P. Address?" "How?" " Worked a little bit of my magic and found a back door into twitter." " Are you kidding?" " Nope." "Nearly pooped my pants from excitement." "I know roxy's true identity." " Shut up and show me." "Holy..." "Crap." " I heard it said that bullying creates bullies... a vicious cycle that will continue until someone makes a stand against it." "I am here to make that stand." "When you vote today, remember I am here to make eastwood high bully-free." "Thank you." "Thank you, guys." "Vote stacy." " These people need to know the truth." " We need to expose her." " Let's just beat her to death." " She'll lose the race if she is exposed." " She'll lose the race if we beat her to death." " Vanessa, would you relax a little bit?" " Fine." "How do we expose her?" " With this." " We put a video on there with all of the information linking stacy to roxy." " We're gonna patch into the school's tv system." "Then we're gonna broadcast it live to the entire school during the video announcements." " Excuse me." "What the hell are you doing here?" " Hi, gary." " What do I have to do to get through to you?" "Do I need to call the police?" " I don't think that'll be necessary." " What are you planning to do with this, huh?" " Uh, that's just a school project that I've been working on." " Yeah, another one of your pranks?" " No, I just..." " Listen to me very carefully." "If I see you on my campus again," "I'll have you in handcuffs in front of all your little friends." "Do you understand?" " sure." " Leave..." "Now." " We need another copy of that video before the announcements." " It's impossible." "It would take hours to run home and render a new one." "There's just not enough time." " But the student body votes today." " Yeah." "I think you're boned." " And that solves the mystery of our faulty fire-alarm system." "Up next, an anti-bullying segment from stacy richards." " At eastwood high there is one bully that has caused more torment than any other... roxy." "If I'm elected, I will stop at nothing to bring roxy to justice." " I can help with that." "Good morning, eastwood high." "It is my genuine pleasure to reveal the true identity of the anonymous cyber bully, known as..." "Roxy." " He must've patched into the system." "But how did he get on tv?" " He's doing it live." " And basically, I'm gonna screw her." " What the hell is this?" " Shh." " Behind me is roxy's I.P. Address, which I acquired by a brute-force hacking of the twitter account." "If stacy richards is truly searching for roxy, she doesn't have to search very far." " He's in the cheerleaders' closet." " This is stacy richards' I.P. Address... a perfect match with the one associated with..." "Roxy!" " Open it." "Oh, for the love of god, come on!" "Oh!" " Aah!" " so here it is, folks... straight "a" s, courtesy of my girl vanessa." " What you got there?" "Are those your grades?" " Uh..." "Nope, it's vanessa's death certificate." " Felix." "Are those your grades?" " Uh..." " Felix!" "Hey!" "Hey, mister, you just don't take off." " I probably could've handled that better, but one thing is certain, my parents must never see that report card, for if they do, they'll simultaneously crap their pants." " Oh!" " Most parents would consider disowning you for an "f" on your report card." "Seven "f" s is a different story." "That right there is a death sentence." "What is this?" " It's your report card, silly." " Funny." "I distinctly remember asking for straight "a" s." "Those appear to be "f" s." " Hmm, looks like you got the report card you deserve." " This is what I deserve for helping you?" " You've never worked for anything in your life, have you, felix?" " What are you talking about?" " You can't expect to walk out of here in the top percentile without ever applying yourself." "I'm not gonna help you cheat your way to the top." " Are you insane?" "I helped you cheat your way into the presidency." " I earned that presidency." "I've been working towards it for the last three years." "Do you have any idea how hard I worked?" " I'm gonna give you five minutes to fix my report card." " Fix it!" " Or what?" "What's gonna happen if I don't?" " Use your imagination." " Two minutes to curtain." " So how do you want to play this?" " Excuse me." "I have a play to star in, but good luck with the report card." "I'm sure your parents will be really proud." " Anyone can be a jerk, but vanessa makes it in art form." "She's a rare breed, an innovator." "That straight-f report card was her crowning achievement." " ¶ I close my eyes ¶" "¶ I surrender ¶" "¶ to you ¶" "¶ I lie awake these sleepless nights ¶" "¶ you walked away and took my life ¶" "get off the stage." "What are you doing?" " ¶ You betrayed me ¶" "¶ you betrayed me ¶" " ¶ all I wanted ¶" "¶ was one last kiss ¶" " ¶ you got it, baby ¶" "¶ kiss this booty ¶" " ¶ oh ¶" "¶ what does your heart tell you?" "¶" " it's him." " ¶ My heart tells me ¶" "¶ that you're a traitorous butt-munch ¶" " take off the mask!" " ¶ The mask stays on ¶" "hey, guys." " Where were you?" " I was at school." " "At school"?" "Why?" " What's going on, felix?" " I was..." "Gonna explain that to you." " What is this?" " The school play..." "I'm in it." " You never told me about a school play." " Yeah, the premiere was tonight, and I totally forgot." " And..." "That's why you ran off like you did before?" " That is correct." " So..." "What character were you playing?" " The clown..." "Wizard." " "The clown wizard"?" " Yeah, people love me." " "Musical"?" "I didn't know you could sing." " Yeah, I do." "I do sing a little." " Yeah, well..." "Sing us something." "Sing us something from the play." " Well, I-I don't..." "I don't..." "I can't..." " yeah, this just doesn't make any sense." " ¶ I am the wizard ¶" "¶ a clown wizard ¶" " hey, honey." " Good morning, mom." " Listen..." "It was unfair of me to be like that last night." " I'm sorry." " It's cool, mom." "Don't worry about it." "I understand." " I am just anxious to see your grades, that's all." " There's really nothing to be anxious about." "They just haven't sent them out yet." " Maybe yours were sent to the wrong address." " Possibly." " I should talk to someone over there." " No." " I'll take you to school." " No, it's fine." "I'll just ride my bike." " Are you sure?" " Yep." "I need the exercise anyways." " Have a good day." " Will do, daddy-o." " And don't be late." " Impossible!" "ever had a snow day?" "Pretty cool, right?" "You get the whole day off because of some wretched weather." "Being expelled is kind of like that..." "Except the weather's awesome." "Your life is a never-ending series of missed opportunities." "At any given moment, you are completely surrounded by them." "You just got to know where to look." "This room, for example... what do you see?" "Anything?" "Time's up." "Here's what you might've missed... $4.67 under the couch cushion..." "Decorative boomerang bought by my dad, never been thrown a single time... shame." "You think this is just for blowing leaves?" "Think again!" "Opportunities..." "they're all around you..." "Unless you're in history class." " hey, there." " Hi." "Nice robe." " Thank you." "It's, uh, $18.50." " One second." "Um..." " You look familiar." "Do you go to eastwood?" " Yeah, I used to..." "Till I got expelled." " That's right..." "for the pranks." "I liked your work with the koala bears." " Thank you." " Uh, it's $18.50." " You think you could help me get that down?" " Um..." "That depends on how much you're gonna tip me." " Does $4.67 tickle your fancy?" "Almost... it's about a foot to the left." "Come on, you got it." " Really?" "Am I almost there?" " Yeah, almost there." "Just jump... jump a little higher." "Oh!" " You almost hit me." " I did?" "Good." " Oh, that was so close." "You got this." " One more, one more, one more." "Wait." "It's fine." "Go ahead." "Yes!" " Oh!" " Well..." "There goes your tip." "What?" "No, stop." "I'm kidding." "Stop." "I like her." "These grades right here are a one-way ticket to montana." "If I don't turn these "f"s into "a"s, my vacation's gonna end very quickly." " Yo." "How's early retirement?" " Incredible." "I got to be honest with you." "I'm pretty envious." " I would be too." "Pizza?" " What's the catch?" " "Catch"?" " Yeah, you show up to my house unexpected, there's a catch." " No..." "Just pizza." " I swear to god, man, if there are any catches," "I'm gonna slap you in the mouth." " Zero catches." " Okay." "All right." "Okay, cool." " I need you to help me break into the school." " Pizza slap!" "no." "This is insane." " Which part?" " All of it." "All... all of it is insane." " Can you be more specific?" " Yeah." "You want to destroy the school's security camera with super string - "Super string"?" "Who calls it that?" " I don't... whatever it's called, we're not using it." " Fine." "Would you rather use spray paint?" " No, I'd rather not have a plan that hinges on sprayable string." " Okay." "Anything else?" " Uh, yeah, step one..." "I'm not stealing the janitor's keys." "I mean, the guy looks like jeffrey Dahmer." "Come on." "That dude's a sweetheart." "So you in?" "I can't do this without you, man." " I will help you hack the grading system under one condition." " Which is?" " We need to change my biology grade." " Why?" "What'd you get?" " I'm failing..." "So is half of the entire class." " We'll just have to change your grade, then." " Who are we gonna get the security code from?" " I hear the assistant librarian has it." " Who is the assistant librarian?" " Stacy richards..." "Or should I say "roxy"?" " You can't be here." "You're expelled." " And you're suspended, so that makes two of us." " I'm still allowed to participate in extracurricular activities." " Well, perfect, 'cause I got a great extracurricular activity for you." " Mrs. Taylor." " Aw, you're turning me in?" " Mrs. Taylor?" " Sure you want to do that?" "I can give you straight "a"s." " I already have straight "a"s." " Yeah, but what good are straight "a"s when you have a suspension on your record?" " Yes, hon." " I could make that disappear, you know." " What is it, stacy?" " Your record would be completely clean." " Never mind." "What exactly do you need from me?" " The keys to the school and the code for the alarm system, please." " What makes you think I have either of those things?" " Because those things are necessary for assistant librarians to open the library on saturday morning." " It's the one that says "do not copy"." " Yes, I know which one it is." "Thank you." "What do you plan to do with it exactly?" " Copy it." " No, stupid, I mean, what is your course of action?" " Well..." "Due to new security measures, my colleague and I have determined that it is impossible to hack the grading system from the outside." "We need access to truman's computer, and for that, we will need one key and one security system code, which is...?" "1,036." " Oh!" "Like the number of parties you missed." " Or the number of jobs you won't qualify for." " Ouch." " Felix?" " Hey, mom." " It's late, honey." "What's going on?" " Uh, just a chemistry project..." "For school, school chemistry." " "Chemistry"?" " Yeah." " Is this a..." " Smoke bomb." " Yeah." " Yes." "Yes, it is." " All right, well, don't go blowing yourself up" " or anything." " I won't." " And get to bed at a reasonable hour." "Danny." "What are you wearing?" " Me?" "I'm dressed like a normal human." " You?" " Well..." "I'm wearing black stuff, b-burglary stuff." " You can't do that." " Why can I not do that?" " Are you robbing a bank?" " What?" " Are you?" " Maybe I am." " Oh, then by all means, dress like that." "I'm just wondering where your big money bag is with the dollar sign on it?" " Oh, oh." "You're so funny, yeah, let me go..." "I'm gonna go do that real quick." "I'll do that." " Okay, wait." "Hold up, hold up, hold up." "Can we... can we think about this for just a split second?" "Like, we're about to commit a-a legit crime right now." "Do you understand the gravity of the situation at all?" "Okay, I take that as a no." "Great." "Ow." "Oh." "All right, all right, all right." "What the hell, man?" "I told you... no super string." " What is it with you and super string?" " Nothing." "You know what?" "Let's just... we'll forget about it." " No, no." "What, what?" "Whoa, wait." "Do you have, like, some dark history with string?" "Were your parents killed by strings?" " No, you douche." "I am allergic to latex." "I can't be around super string 'cause it burns my skin." " Relax." "I'm just gonna black out the camera." " Oh, my god!" "I'm so sorry!" " This is my nightmare." " Shh!" " This is my nightmare!" "It's everywhere!" " I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." " The knot was on the wrong way." " Oh, I bet it was." " Are you good?" " Yeah, oh, I'm perfectly fine, you moron." " How many times..." " Shh." " Did I say it?" "I said, "no super string"!" " Jeez." " I am sorry." "I didn't know." " Oh, "you're sorry." "You didn't know."" " Ready?" "Yeah, I'm ready." " Yeah." "Boom town." " Don't celebrate yet, man." " Hey, hey." "Don't make me use this, bro." " Are you looking to get punched in the balls today?" "Don't... hey!" "No." "Felix." "No!" "Don't!" "Felix, no!" " What?" " I can't do it." "He'll wake up." " So how are we gonna move the laptop?" " We don't have to." " Where did you even find this?" " I got it from truman's desk." "Shh." " And..." "Got it." " You're a wizard, danny." " You know it, bitch." " What are you doing?" " I'm bugging his computer to keep tabs on him." " "Keep tabs"?" " Yeah." "If he figures out that we tampered with the grades, we're gonna want to know about it." " Ah, got it." " Now let's change your biology grade." " Yes, let's do that." "Okay, what gpa do you want?" " 3.5 should be good." " 4.0 coming right up." "Really?" " Yeah." "What, you don't want straight "a" s?" " All right." "Do it." "4.0 it is." "There it is..." "straight "a" s, baby." " Crap, I got to put this back." " Oh, no way, man." "It's mine now." " I got to put it back on his desk." "He's gonna know we were here." " What are you doing here, felix?" " What are you doing here, mr." "Truman?" "It's 2:00 in the morning." " Uh-huh." "Waiting for the police to arrive." "What brings you here this time..." "stealing computers again?" " I think I'm gonna have to break your window, mr." "Truman." " If you think that'll help, son, knock yourself out." "What do you want, felix?" " If you could let me go, that'd be great." " No, no, no." "I mean, what is it that you want, huh?" "What kind a future do you see for yourself?" "Have you ever even thought about it?" " I know what I don't want." "I don't want a seat behind a desk for the next six years..." "So I can get a job and sit behind a desk for the next 40." "I'm trying to live..." "Every second of my life to the fullest." "And..." "You're making that really difficult, mr." "Truman." " Police, open up!" " He's over here, officer." " Put your hands behind your back." "Very rarely do I say this, but I am, without a doubt, 100% boned this time." "On the bright side, montana can't be much worse than this." "This could be difficult to explain to my parents." "What do you think?" "I never planned to end up like my brother." " Your dad's here to pick you up." " Excellent." " Come on out." " Hey, there, son." " Mr. O'neil?" " Do you happen to have a moist towelette, by chance?" " Your son's in a lot of trouble." " What?" "Felix, I am disappointed in you, son!" "Super, super disappointed!" " I'm so sorry, dad." " Ready, son?" " Yep." " All right, then." "See you." " You know, I was expecting you to be a little bit more upset, dad." "Or can I call you "ben" now?" " It's good to see you, little bro." " Seriously." "I missed you, man." " I missed you too." "How did you know is me?" " I mean, it wasn't hard to recognize you, even with that little creep-stache." "What made you think that would work?" " It did work, and you're welcome." " Sorry, I just..." "I just can't believe he bought it." "What are you doing here, anyway?" " Well, that one is kind of hard to explain." "I haven't really told mom and dad yet about the whole "great escape" thing, so..." " You okay there?" " Yeah." " I know a shortcut." " My brother's a different class of troublemaker." "He's been caught more times than I can count, but he always manages to power through." "He's a veteran rule-breaker." "Me?" "I prefer a more subtle approach." " Oh, yeah." " Mm." " Come on." " I got to say... you definitely save my ass from the mountain academy." " Yeah, you don't want to go there." " So..." "How did you escape?" "Isn't that place, like, maximum security?" " To be honest, it was pretty easy." " How?" " I shipped myself out." "Last semester I got a job in the mail room." "Every monday I would sort through everybody's letters from a giant sack." "The other kids starting calling me "sack boy."" "But I had the last laugh." "I was supposed to ship back a broken tandem bike from our fitness class." "But there was just enough space for me to crawl inside." "So I hopped in the box and I shipped myself to freedom." " Wait." "Seriously?" "How were you able to breathe?" " There was plenty of oxygen, as I recall." "The box was shipped ground." " Wait, wait, wait." " So you just changed the address on the box?" " Shipped myself right to our doorstep, baby." " The crate..." "you were in that crate." " Yes, dude, you walked right pass me." " Oh." " Stretching my legs was..." "Borderline orgasmic." "Sneaking into the house was easy." "Finding a permanent hiding spot was even easier." "I quickly discovered that the attic is the most badass part of the house." "My old box of toys was up there." "So was santa claus." "It was a little cramped, but I made do with what I had." "For the last few days, I've been living in the attic, off of hot dogs and candy." "Hello?" "When I heard you were arrested," "I immediately knew what had to be done." "Oh, yes." "This is certainly him." " We're gonna need you to pick him up at the station." " Absolutely." "I'll be right there to pick him up, 'cause I'm his dad." " I mean this in the best possible way, but you are insane." "I can't thank you enough, man." " Of course, dude." "I got you." " You do know that we are about five miles from the house." "Are we walking the whole way?" " Nope." "I fixed it..." "Sort of." " Dude, what is wrong with this bike?" " A lot of things." "Sorry." "Okay, nice and easy." "What are you doing?" " What do you mean?" " You can't use the front door, the alarm system activates after 10:00." "Get it together, man." " Okay." "What are you doing?" " I'm gonna sneak through my bedroom window." " Are you kidding me?" "It's right next to mom and dad's room." "They're gonna hear you when you go on the roof." " Okay." "So how do you suggest that we get in?" " The living-room window." " The living-room window." "That's a rookie move, and you know it." "That window squeaks." " I have done this a thousand times, felix." " So have I." " All right, you don't get it." "It's my patootie if we get caught." "Mom and dad are gonna send me right back to montana." "Not gonna happen." "Executive decision... we're going through the living-room window." " Let's go." " Fine." "But once you're in the attic, you need to be absolutely silent." "Mom is the world's lightest sleeper." " You don't need to tell me this, man." "I'll be as quiet as a rodent." " Mouse, as quiet as a mouse." " A mouse is a rodent." " Yeah, but so is a squirrel." " Squirrels are relatively quiet, man." " I'm gonna kill you." " Okay, all right." "Sorry." "Go, go, go." " Honey?" "Is that you?" " This way, this way." "Come on, this way." " Hey." " Hey." " What happened to going to bed at a reasonable hour?" " I did, I was asleep, I just really needed a..." " Banana." " Don't touch that." "It was expensive." " Really?" " The bowl." " Oh." "I got a call tonight from the mountain academy about your brother." " Yeah." " They can't find him." "He escaped." "They've been searching the area, and they haven't found anything yet." "I am just..." "I am worried to death." " I-I know your brother..." " Mom." " And I know what he's capable of, and I..." " it's okay." "Ben's gonna be fine." " You don't happen to know anything about this, do you?" " No." "No." "I  you don't think he'd come here to the... what was that?" " Was that upstairs?" " No." " Yeah, I think it was upstairs." "Probably..." " no, it came from right over here." "What did you do?" "Felix, what is wrong with you?" "I told you that was expensive." "Why would you do something like that?" "Are you gonna help me clean it up?" "Felix!" " Just trying to help." "The answer is "b."" " Are you insane?" " I need the report card." " Do you not see that I'm in the middle of a test right now?" "Just get it at lunch." " Hey, hey." "My mom's been on my ass all week." "I need it now." " You're killing me." " Yeah, buddy." "Thank you." "Hey, seriously, the answer is "b."" " Seriously, shut up." " It is." "I can see emily's test." "Hi." " Are you serious?" " "Are you serious?"" " Any word when we can expect to see your report card?" " You mean..." "This one right here?" " Is that it?" " Yep, got it in the mail this morning." " Why didn't you tell us it came?" " How do you think you did?" " I think I did okay." " Oh, my god!" " Straight "a" s..." "The holy grail of academia." "Every parent wants to see their kid succeed." "They also want the bragging rights at christmas parties." "They want the honor roll bumper sticker on the back of their minivan." ""A" s are like a reward for properly raising your kid." "It's like catnip for parents." "Wow, felix!" "This is..." " wow!" " I can't believe it." "You even got an "a" in mr." "Harris' class." " What, you didn't think I'd be able to handle chemistry?" " No, no, no, we just got a call from him a couple of weeks ago about a parent-teacher conference." "I was worried there was a problem, but apparently not." " No." " You guys aren't actually going to that, right?" " Well, your dad can't make it because he has a real job, but I already said yes." "We're supposed to meet with him on saturday." " But there's really no reason to." "I have an "a" in his class." " I already told him we were going, felix." " Okay, you could just cancel it." " Is everything okay?" " Is there..." "Something we should know about?" " No." "No." "I just don't want you to feel like you have to go." " We're going." " Great." " Terrible." "That's terrible." " Is unreal how mr." "Harris always manages to ruin everything." " So I guess you got to tell your parents the truth." " Absolutely not." "I'm gonna fake a parent-teacher conference." " Well, that sounds difficult/impossible." " Mm, difficult, yes." "Impossible..." "Probably also yes, but that's never stopped us before." "We're going to need a shady middle-aged man." " Why?" " To act as mr." "Harris during the conference." "Do you ever just stand back sometimes and look at your plan and think to yourself," ""wow, I am dumb"?" " Why do you got to be like this?" " Maybe it's because I'm sick of nearly getting arrested every time that I help you." " Who says I'm asking for your help?" " You are always asking for my help." " False." "I don't need it." " I got this." " Good..." "'Cause I would say no." " Why?" " Because..." "I'm sick of your sketchy plans." "I help you because you're my friend, but I cannot keep doing this stuff." " No." "It's cool." "I'll just handle it myself." " Good luck." " Danny isn't wrong." "I'm not going to contest what he said." "Guess I'm going to have to pull this off by myself." " Shamus." "How's it going, man?" "Remember me?" "Oh, come on, shamus, it's felix!" "I gave you two packs of gum last week." "Hey." "I have a proposition for you." "Are you interested?" " Let me put on some pants." "So you expect me to dress like a teacher?" " Yeah, we just need to convince my mom that you're mr." "Harris for five minutes." " You going to pay me?" " I don't have much money." " What do you got?" " Um, 40 bucks." " What else you got?" " Um..." "A crossbow." " 40 bucks and a crossbow..." "you got yourself a deal." " Cool, cool." "Just make sure you wear something nice." " "Something nice"?" " Yeah, like a collared shirt or something." "Do I look like the sort of fellow who owns a collared shirt?" " Let's do this... meet me at my house tomorrow morning..." "And I'll let you borrow some of my dad's clothes." " All right." " Okay?" " All right." " Cool." " So you want me to act like mr." "Harris." "Think I can pull it off?" " Yeah." " Why?" "Why?" " What's the problem?" " What happened with being as quiet as a rodent?" " I was balls deep in rodent quietness until I found these horseshoes, and I was faced with a very difficult decision." "What?" "I'm failing to see the difficulty here." " It was horseshoes versus quietness." " Are you trying to get caught by mom and dad?" " No, okay?" "Look, I didn't go through the trouble of escaping the mountain academy just so I could be bored out of my frickin' mind here in the attic." " Yeah, yeah, yeah, out of everything you could've done, all this, you decide to throw horseshoes?" " Yes." "What do you do in your free time, felix?" " It's complicated." "You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but..." " Try me." " I just bribed a janitor with a crossbow to fake a parent-teacher conference." " That sounds amazing." "Let me help you." " No." " I would be an absolute asset to your team." "I'm professional." "And how do you know your plan doesn't need me?" " Because my plan doesn't involve getting screwed and going back to jail." " Okay, at least... at the very least, tell me what you're doing." " Well, first I'm going to need pizza." " Okay, why pizza?" " Because I'm..." " Stop." "I know why pizza... because you're going to put ex-lax on the pizza, give it to the teacher." "He's going to have diarrhea and not going to be able to show up to the meeting." " What?" "No, I..." " You're going to do the "imposter pizza delivery guy" switch, aren't you?" " Ben." "I'm getting pizza because I'm hungry." " Oh." " Where have you been?" "My mom's going to be here any minute." " You said be here at 9:00." " That was an hour ago." " Oh." "Huh." " You know how to tie a tie, right?" " Well, I'll figure something out." " Remember, I need you in room 34... crap." " What?" "What?" " Come on, get inside." " What?" "What?" " My mom's here." "Get inside." " Ooh." " Get inside." "Upstairs, come on." "No, no." " Felix?" " Yeah?" " What's going on?" "What was that?" " W-what was what?" " Never mind." "Remember, we have to leave for that meeting soon." " Okay." " Honey?" "What's going on up there?" " Uh, n-nothing, I just tripped." " You ready to leave soon?" " Yep, sounds good." "What the hell did you do?" "Who is that?" " It's shamus." " Who is shamus?" " He's my one hope at faking this conference." " Seriously?" "That?" " Yes." "You screwed this whole thing up, man." "What did you do?" " I don't know, man." "When I see bearded people in my attic, I go buck wild." " Oh, you go buck wild, yeah?" " Yeah." " Shamus, shamus, wake up." " Oh, man." " Shamus, wake up." "Shamus, wake up, buddy!" "Wake up." "The conference is in 20 minutes." " Just tell mom he didn't show up." " No." "The real mr." "Harris is going to be there." " Felix, are you ready, honey?" " I got you, man." " No." "Absolutely not." "Stay here." " Trust me, dude, I got you." " No." " Yes." " Felix, let's go!" " Be right there!" "No!" " Oh, there you are, honey." "Come on." "I don't want to be late." "A little anxious about this meeting." "I don't know what to expect." " I know exactly how you feel." " Boom town." "Target acquired." " Yeah, unfortunately, I'm not gonna be available till late this afternoon." "You got it." " Mrs. Anders, you're not due here until 12:00 noon." " Oh, mrs." "O'neil." "I'm felix's mom." " Felix's mom?" "Felix..." "What's going on here?" " Ooh, were we scheduled later?" " No, no, no, no." "You weren't scheduled at all." " I don't understand." "Oh, is this because felix got an "a" in your class?" "That's, uh..." "No, felix never got an "a" in my class." "Felix never even passed my class." " Are you sure you're thinking of the right student?" " Oh, I'm positive." " Felix, would you like to explain this?" " Mrs. O'neil, you're aware that your son..." "No longer attends my class, right?" "Yeah, felix..." " oh, my god." "Mr. Harris?" "Mr. Harris, are you okay?" " This is perfectly normal." " How is this normal?" " He's narcoleptic or something." " Oh." "I'm calling an ambulance." " No, mom, he's fine." " Yes, a teacher just..." " He's okay, he really is." " Had a stroke or something." " Trust me." " I don't know." "We need medical help." " Mom, we don't need help." "We got it." " Eastwood high school." " We got this." " Please hurry." " He does this all the time." " I'll wait outside." " No, wait, mom." "Mom, chill, chill, chill, chill." " Oh, my god." "Ben?" "What is going on here?" "Ben, what's wrong?" " I tried." "He just... felix..." " oh, my god, what is wrong with him?" " Honey?" " I don't want montana." " Oh." "Wait a minute." "W-what the hell is he doing here?" " I don't know." "He... why would he be here?" " Don't you dare lie to me." "I want answers." "You failed mr." "Harris' class, didn't you?" " No, I didn't..." " you faked your grades?" " What?" " I am gonna talk to mr." "Truman about this immediately." " He's not here." "It's the weekend." " Well, then I plan on meeting with him first thing monday morning." "And when we get home, you go to your room, because you are grounded..." "Indefinitely." " Well, at least no one got arrested." "Luckily, ben used the right amount of sedative." "Mr. Harris was taken to the hospital and woke up a few hours later with short-term amnesia." "Shamus regained consciousness and left the house before we returned." "He made sure to raid our pantry first." " You've reached the office of principal truman." "Please leave a message after the beep." " Hi, mr." "Truman, this is julie o'neil..." " This happens to be the third voice mail my mom has left for mr." "Truman." " I'm sorry to call again..." " Hoping she doesn't get through anytime soon." " Concerned about my son..." " Ben." "Ben tried to take the blame for the whole thing." "Mom wasn't sure what to believe." "Regardless, he was sent back to the mountain academy, or, as he calls it, "project butthole."" "He told me he's already planned his next escape." "As for me, the vacation's over." "I may not want to spend my life at a desk job, but I sure as hell don't want to spend it in jail either." " Hey, let's do something fun." " I can't." "I'm grounded." " I have pizza." " Hey." " Hi." "So what did they ground you for?" " It's..." "Hard to explain." " Well, other than that, how are you doing?" " Well..." "My parents are on the verge of finding out I've been expelled, so..." " Okay, wait." " They don't know?" " No." "They are gonna flip when they find out." " Yeah, that could be a problem." " I just..." "I just want to turn things around." "I think I really messed up this time." "I..." "I want to do the right thing, but I'm not..." "I'm not entirely sure what that is." "I can't keep lying to my parents." " Well, maybe you don't have to lie to them at all." " Huh?" "What do you mean by that?" "I think I've broken into eastwood enough times this week." " We're not breaking in, silly." "Come on." " This is crazy." "You can almost see the whole campus from here." " I know." "It's awesome, right?" " Yeah, it is." "So many good memories here." " Yeah." " I'm going to miss it." "Montana's gonna suck." " Come on, don't say that." "There's a way out of this." " My mom's not gonna stop until she finds the truth." " Well..." "If you could get truman to re-enroll you, you will not have to lie to your mom at all." "You'd actually be going to eastwood." " I'm not exactly in the position to get truman to do anything for me." " Then I guess you're going to have to get him to see things your way." " Do you know something I don't?" " Possibly." " What?" " Well, you know that pizza place I work for?" " Yeah." " We deliver 24 hours a day." " So?" " So..." "That means..." "Wait for it." "Now." " I don't get it." " Whoa." "Is that mr." "Truman?" " Yeah." " What is he doing?" " I don't know." "He orders a barbecue-chicken pizza every saturday night." " Why?" " No idea." "Want to find out?" "What do you think he's looking at?" " I don't know." "What time is it?" "It's 11:00." "What is he doing here so late?" " Shady stuff." "I wish we could see his screen." " I think that can be arranged." " Oh." " what are you doing here?" " I'm sorry." " I know." " I really mean that." " I know." " Asking you to risk your neck for me all the time is pretty selfish." "I just want you to know that if it was you who needed me to do some shady stuff," "I would do it in an instant." " Well, I was planning on stealing the declaration of independence." " I brought you a burrito." " Yeah, okay, I forgive you." "Who's that?" " Oh, that's katie." " Hi." " Hi." "You really think there's something shady on here?" " Absolutely." "There's... there's got to be." " So you recorded this from truman's computer?" " Yeah." "What time did you see him log on?" "Around 11:00." " Wait." "How far back does this go?" " I mean, technically, we can go all the way back to the point where we bugged his computer." "I got everything on the hard drive, so..." " Wait, wait, look." "He plays online blackjack?" "But why would he do this in the middle of the night at school?" " I mean... he must be hiding it from someone." " His wife, probably." " Whoa, look at this." "He just lost $600 right there." " Oh..." " I'd say he definitely has a problem." " Oh, wow." " No, this is insane." "He just lost another grand." " Wow!" "He sucks." "I mean, he's got to give up at some point, right?" "I mean, this is crazy." " Maybe his wife might want to see this." "Yeah." "What's he doing?" "Is he quitting?" " I don't know." " Does that...?" "Does that say "eastwood"?" " Wait." "Did he just..." " he just stole money from the school." " Dude, that is, like, serious jail time right there." "This is huge." " Wait." "So we just recorded..." " we just recorded blackmail jackpot." " Dude, I can't believe this." "He must be out of his mind." " Does this mean we can get truman to re-enroll you?" " This means we can get truman to do anything." " Yes." "Yes!" " Ooh, tell him to come alone." " But who would he bring?" " Just do it." "It's creepy." " Oh, also tell him he's a douche." " Why?" " 'Cause he's a douche." " You going to bed soon?" "Felix." " Sorry." "Yeah, I'm going to pass out in a bit." " Okay, just checking in on you." "Get some sleep." " Good night, dad." "Gary." "Nice car." " Are you really this stupid?" "How many times do I need to have you arrested this week?" " Oh, you're going to call the cops?" "If you are, then great." "I'd love to tell them about the $10,000 you stole from the school to fund your gambling addiction." "Yeah." " It's your word against mine." "Who do you think they're gonna side with, anyway?" " I bugged your laptop, gary." "I have hard evidence of all your activity on my hard drive." "And, frankly, I don't think they're going to have trouble picking sides." " What is this?" "Do you want money?" "What do you want?" " Enrollment." " "Enrollment"?" " I want enrollment in the next semester at eastwood." "And I want the forms filled out by monday." " That's ridiculous." " Gary." "These last few days have been hell for me." "But I know there's still a chance for me to set things straight." " W-what are you talking about?" " You once asked me," ""what kind of future do you see for yourself"?" "I thought about it..." "A lot." "And my future is here at eastwood." " No, that's not gonna happen, felix." "The faculty won't approve it." " I think you'll find the way." " Oh, really?" "Why is that?" " 'Cause you don't want to go to jail, gary." " You're not listening." "I need those forms authorized by tomorrow morning." "You understand?" "Hold on a second." "Come on in, come on in." "Hi." "I need you to search for form a-13." "It's the enrollment form, okay?" " Yeah, of course." "Get right on it." " Great." "Great." " Yeah, I've got my t.A. Working on it right now, uh-huh." " Felix!" "What in the... - danny!" " No, no, no!" " Ow!" "Ow!" " Chill." " I hate you." "I hate you..." "But I respect you." "Oh." "Okay." "Ah." "Wait, so... okay, so how did last night with truman go?" " Is he gonna enroll you?" " Uh..." "He didn't exactly say yes, but he didn't say no either, so..." " Maybe you need to threaten him a little more." " What is this?" "Uh, an enrollment form." " For felix?" " Yes." " Why?" " It's..." "It's not so easy to explain." " You can't do this." " He's got me in a really bad spot, vanessa." " What is it... blackmail?" "Don't even... don't even say anything." "You don't have to say anything." " I-I really don't have a choice here." " Mr. Truman, yes, you do." "I can help you." " "If my demands aren't met," ""then I will be forced to turn the hard drive directly over to the police."" " How was that?" " Perfect." " Pounds all around." " Amazing." " You guys want to get burritos?" "I'm starving." " Yeah." " Aren't you grounded?" " That is what this guy is here for." " Oh, don't." " Hello." " Mr. Truman?" " Yes." " Oh, my god, I've been trying to reach you all weekend." "This is julie, felix's mom." "We need to talk." " Yes, we do." " Oh, that burrito was fantastic." "However, I am going to need to use your bathroom and a scented candle." "Whoa." " Where's the hard drive?" " I put it in that drawer." " Please tell me you made a copy of that video." " What video?" " The truman video." "And, no, I did not make a copy." "Wait." "No." "There is technically still one more copy." " So you made a copy." " Truman's computer... there's still a hard copy on his laptop." " Let's go." "Vanessa..." "Funny seeing you here." "Did truman put you up to this?" " What are you talking about?" " The drive... give it back." " Blackmailing the dean of students?" "What happened to you, felix?" " Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not doing it for the money." " I don't care." "You're not coming back to eastwood." " Is that the only way for you to succeed, is to watch me fail?" " You're a cheater, felix." "Everyone else is just too stupid to see it, even your parents." "It's all fake, just like your report card." "When are you gonna put in the work and actually try to play by the rules?" " Why do you think I'm trying to come back to eastwood?" " Probably just to spite me." " I just need another chance." "And I'm willing to put in the work." "I will." "I want to." "Don't you think I deserve one more chance?" "Where's the drive, vanessa?" " I told you I don't have it." "Didn't you make a backup?" " I need that drive." " It's in his bottom desk drawer." "I'm sure if you run, you can get it before he wipes it." " Welcome back, felix." " It's good to be back, gary." " I finished your enrollment forms." "Shame you won't be needing them." "Oh, and, uh, I wiped everything off of your drive." " What about our deal?" " Looks like our deal is off." "Your mom is on her way." "So are the police." "I beat you, felix." "Oh, my god." " Oh, and I-I wouldn't worry about bringing any of this up to the police." "I've tied up all loose ends." " So you wiped the laptop." " Laptop?" " all the evidence I need is, uh..." "On that laptop." " Stop!" " You, uh..." "Might want to tape these back together." " Felix?" " Hi, mom." " Is he in trouble?" " Uh..." ""Trouble"?" "No, no trouble." " Okay." "What... what is going on?" "Why are the police here?" " Oh, why are the police here, mr." "Truman?" " Um, that's kind of..." "Hard to explain." "You know, maybe we should meet at another time, mrs." "O'neil." " Mr. Truman, I have gone to great lengths to meet with you, uh, and to be frank," "I am kind of fed up with this whole situation." "I need to know what's going on right now." "His report card..." "It's faked." "Right?" " Mm, mm, mm." "No, no." "This... this looks right to me." " What?" "Felix has been doing..." "Remarkably well here at eastwood." " Really?" " And he's..." "he's been participating in many..." "Extracurricular activities." " Like the school play, right?" " Oh, the school play... he was just wonderful at the school play." " truman signed the papers, and three days later," "I was officially re-enrolled here at eastwood high..." "With a few extra benefits." " Can we make this a duet?" " There's not enough room." " You sure about that?" " Needless to say, looks like this is gonna be my best year yet." " Oh, sorry." "Hey." "Stop stalking me." " You're ridiculous." " See you around..." "If you're lucky." "The shortest definition of a game is as follows... a competitive activity with a fixed set of rules." "There's a point system." "There are winners." "There are losers." "There are allies..." "And opponents." "High school is a game." "And I'm finally here to play." " ¶ Tell me how ¶" "¶ tell me how we both got here ¶" "¶ we kiss 'em now ¶" "¶ love is in the atmosphere ¶" "¶ and I don't want to lose you ¶" "¶ it feels like I've waited forever ¶" "¶ don't know what I'm doing ¶" "¶ but it's all right ¶" "¶ yeah, it's all right ¶" "¶ so please don't leave me here tonight ¶" "¶ lonely on the dance floor ¶" "¶ 'cause I've been waiting my whole life ¶" "¶ for a moment like this ¶" "¶ so please don't leave me here tonight ¶" "¶ lonely on the dance floor ¶" "¶ 'cause I've been waiting my whole life ¶" "¶ for a moment like this ¶" "¶ shake you off ¶" "¶ I can't seem to shake you off ¶" "¶ tonight ¶" "¶ your broken heart ¶" "¶ let me fix your broken heart ¶" "¶ tonight ¶" "¶ so, if love's what you're needing ¶" "¶ then love is what you're getting, baby ¶" "¶ I can't believe it ¶" "¶ that I'm here with you ¶" "¶ yeah, I'm here with you ¶" "¶ so please don't leave me here tonight ¶" "¶ lonely on the dance floor ¶" "¶ 'cause I've been waiting my whole life ¶" "¶ for a moment like this ¶" "¶ so please don't leave me here tonight ¶" "¶ lonely on the dance floor ¶" "¶ 'cause I've been waiting my whole life... ¶"