"_" "(man) And, yea, verily doth it be decreed in Book Three, Chapter One that the one known as The Catalyst would awaken from his slumber and take flight across land and sea." "Thus would begin the beginning of the end." "(Life is Sweet) ♪ Life is short ♪" "♪ And the days are long ♪" "♪ I gotta get right back but I don't belong ♪" " ♪ Life's so sweet it's a good thing that it's gone ♪ - (Todd Margaret) Steph..." "Steph, where are those adaptors I set out?" "Last night's dream:" "I had a dream that I was arranging shoes on a shoe rack and in the dream I knew that the shoes were mine." "Steph, where're those adapters I set out?" "And then this light went out and I couldn't find my way out of the closet and then there was like this big banging noise, too." "Steph the adapters?" "... There was this big banging noise." "I..." "I think that the dream was actually about the impending comet that's been all over the news..." "Hey, there's no peanuts in there right?" " Fanny can't have pean..." " No." "Of course there's no peanuts in there Todd, c'mon." "Alright, I'm just checkin'." "So, new rule, no Indian food after ten o'clock." "Oh man." "And other new rule, don't invite Mark Boylan." "That douche is always late." "How're you feeling this morning?" "You were pretty drunk last night." "Yeah, but not too drunk to, uh... make you happy..." "Really?" "None times?" "Oh yes..." "I did in my dream, though." "And since you're into all that dream crap that should count for something, right?" "Oh, God..." "Stephanie," "I have to tell you about last night's dream." "It was crazy, super crazy." "I..." "I..." "I was completely different, right?" "I looked different and, uh, and Brent Wilts was in my dream." "Oh, and your dad, except he was my dad and he was alive." "Uh, Jon Hamm, Fucking Jon Hamm was in my dream." "I wish fucking Jon Hamm was in my dream." "Oh yeah, I had to go to the Houses of Parliament." "In... the dream was in England, like I was in..." "It was just... just weird." "Weird, weird, weird." "Dreams can have a lot of hidden meanings." "You should try to remember as much as possible and write it down." "Huh, yeah..." "Dream analysis is a well respected science." "That is a universally acknowledged fact!" "Oh, sure, yeah just ask any ghost or fairy" " they'll tell you the same thing." " Hey!" "Google LaBerge and De Gracía asshole!" "Alright, okay, sorry." "I don't want to have this argument again." "I'm just a little wound up 'cause of this stupid trip." " I never should have sent Brent Wilts in the first place." " (horn honking)" "Your car's here." "Look, Steph, when I get back we're going straight to Big Sur, okay." "Just the two of us." "It's gonna be great!" " Yeah?" " Yeah." "It'll be... that'll be really great." "You're right, it's just a short trip and, you know, it's not like it'll be the end of the world." "Yeah, exactly." "Yeah and London's nice." "Eh, it's not that nice." "Okay..." "I think that's it." "Okay, look, see you in a week, huh?" "Alright, don't forget to please come around, make sure Fanny is fed." " All that." " Yes." " Got it." " See you next week, Fanny!" "Miss you already!" "♪" "(chatter)" "(conveyor clicks)" "(sighing) Nice." "(beeping) Brent Wilts..." "Todd Margaret." "That's right, I'm in London." "The last place on earth I want to be." "Well, North Korea is the last place on earth I want to be but, listen shit bucket," "Turgid sent me over here to clean up your mess." "What's the deal, man?" "What the hell happened to you?" "It's all good though, just give me a call back, alright." "Come on, I wanna get stinky drunk and nuts deep in some of that nasty British pussy." "I need that back by morning..." "Alright, man, give me a call, bye." "(number pad clicking)" "Yeah... this is Todd Margaret, room 46, wanted to order some room service..." "It... it's not even eleven o'clock!" "Well, I..." "No, I don't want a kebab, and even if I did," "I..." "I don't have clothes, so I can't go out..." "That's the same thing as a kebab with different breading!" "Jesus Christ!" "(creaking, sighing)" "London, the city that always sleeps... (banging)" "Hello?" "♪" "Hello?" "Oh... excellent." "There we go..." "Perfect" "Can I help you with something?" "Uhh..." "Did you get lost on your way to the Playboy Mansion?" "The airline lost my luggage and I sent my only suit to get dry cleaned and I can't go getting a kebab looking like this and, y'know, I haven't eaten all day and the Nazis at the front desk" "wouldn't even let me order a club sandwich." "Well, I don't think you can call them Nazi's." "I mean they don't deserve that." "No, okay, sorry." "I'm jet-lagged, I haven't eaten all day." "I'm really hungry and..." "Come on, I'll make you a sandwich." "Yeah?" "Thank you!" "Todd, Todd Margaret." "Alice, Alice Bell." "Jesus, how strong are the onions in this country?" "Huh?" "♪" "Ha..." "Excuse me, have have we met before?" "Um..." "I don't think so." "Ohhave you been to The Molecule?" "What's that?" "Well, that's my flagship restaurant." "This is just a satellite." "Oh, oh... oh cool." "What kind of food?" "Classic British." "The thing you're supposed to now-a-days of course is, y'know, serve Chinese and Thai and Lebanese but it's my restaurant so British only." "Oh, yeah, that's cool." "Oh that's it!" "You were in my dream last night." "That is officially the worst chat up line I have ever heard and I dated a Scientologist." "No... no I'm being serious." "I wasn't trying to hit on you." " I..." "I..." " Why?" "What's wrong with me?" "Uh, nothing, no." "God, no, Alice!" "No, you're, uh, uh..." "Todd, it's okay, I'm just messing with you." "Wow." "This is, um, serious déjà vu." "Okay, I hope you don't mind a low-fat version." "No, that's fine." "I could probably stand to lose a few pounds." "Huh, well I'll charge you then." "Oh yeah, of course." " I didn't expect to get this..." " (laughing)" "No, I was just joking." "Yeah, 'cause you said 'lose a few pounds' and..." "Oh, right... 'cause of the English money." "Yeah, I'm sorry, I just, jet-lagged and..." ""Death by Chocolate A Recipe for Disaster?"" "Oh, we have the same problem in the States." "Yeah, especially in the South and the Midwest." " I mean it's killing us." " Oh yeah?" "Yeah I mean, you know, they are trying to pass laws and everything but you can't legislate morality." "What are you supposed to do?" "Let 'em starve them to death." "Well, you could outlaw fried chicken for starters." "Uh, I guess, sure, uh..." "Or even for entrées." "What?" " You... you said... you... 'cause you said outlaw..." " Yeah?" "For starters and I was like, "Oh, for entrées?"" " You know, starters like on a menu - (beeping)" " Oh yeah, right, yeah." " ... and then entrée..." "Your, uh, pounds joke was better." "Okay, you just look away for a minute." "(zapping)" "Okie dokey, here we go." "Taa daah!" "One club sandwich!" "(siren blaring)" "♪" "Todd Margaret, brand awareness, marketing consciousness." "It's the third floor, yeah?" "Alright." "(elevator dings)" "(sighs)" "(phone ringing)" "Hello everyone, I'm Todd Margaret..." "Hello, Mr. Margaret." "I'm Vanessa Blojabditz." " Are you my assistant?" " Yes, sir." "Although technically speaking" "I'm still Brent Wilts's assistant, however I can assist you if that assistance helps assist Mr. Wilts." "'Cause you see I'm..." "Okay, where's Wilt's office?" " This way, sir." " Alright." "Did you have a nice flight?" "Listen, I'm going to need the spread sheets from the last two quarters of the A.I.P. account." "And get me Ozmet Kardirim from the Ankara office on the phone." "Yes, sir, and you have a meeting with creative at half past." "Right." "And no, I didn't have a good flight." "I'm free balling it." "Sir?" "The airline lost my luggage." "Oh no." "I'm sorry to hear that..." "Alright, I need underwear, medium, open fly, tapered boxers." "100 percent cotton although some silk is fine just don't go over twenty percent or I'll have a hard-on all day." "Socks, no more than two colors." "One-eighth grade thick." "Any more than that, I'll have a hard-on all day." "Look, see this?" "Same again, four times." "Have them deliver to the hotel." "Here are my sizes and before you get too excited, that's my neck size." "Alright, close the door behind you." "(door closes)" "After you leave." "Oh, right." "(sighing)" "(Todd) Wilts..." "(Todd) Well, I'm American." "What do you want me to do?" "Photocopy my passport and send it to you?" "Ozmet, just call the regulatory commission in Brussels and figure it out..." "Okay?" "Jesus, you couldn't sell condoms in a corner shop." "(knocking) There he is!" "What has it been, three years?" "I'm surprised to see you after that last episode." "Hey, Doug." "All I have to say is thank God you're here." "And not just so that we can finally get that new microwave." "(laughing)" "(laughing continues)" "(laughter dies down)" "Although, we do need a new microwave." "You look different." "Is it... your hair?" "No, are you taller?" "Oh, I don't know." "I look pretty tall but my heels are high." "Yeah, that's not it..." "I had my teeth whitened." "That's it." "Now, about the new microwave..." "Doug, I really don't give a shit where you heat up your noodles, alright." "I've got a lot to do." "And what happened to Wilts?" "Oh, I wish that was elementary my dear Watson." "Oh, Jesus, I forgot about that." "I was supposed to meet him after work at a bar for a drink so that he could sign the requisition form for the new microwave." "Why would you meet him at a bar, you work ten feet away from each other?" "Well, I was hoping to juice him up so that he'd spring for the top of the line" "Samchung Elite 4300 but he never showed up." "So needless to say, we are short one microwave." "As well as one Brent Wilts." "But no need to worry, Doug Whitney is on the case." "(Sarcastic) Goody!" "I made sure that the crime scene, aka Brent's flat, remains undisturbed should some follow up sleuthery be in order." "Okay, I think it's time to get creative." "Yes!" "Absolutely." "Oh boy, uh, first I'll need some fingerprint dusting powder..." "No, no, no, to the meeting." "With the creative department." "Oh, of course, of course." "To the Dreamatorium!" "It's beach week!" " (seagulls calling)" " Hey, everybody, this is Todd Margaret." "Uh, Todd, this is Tess, Peter, Cindy and Team Member Reggie." "Oh, please, take a fun seat!" "No." "Alright." "Thunder Muscle, whattya got?" "Excuse me?" "Thunder Muscle... energy drink." "Commercial... whattya got." "(indistinct chatter)" " Uh, we didn't get that memo." " What memo?" " (Peter) About the name change." " What are you talking about?" "So, the name of the energy drink is Lightning Strike." "You said Thunder Muscle." "I do like Thunder Muscle better though." "Breaking news... it is genius." "Absolutely." "I mean is it too late to change it?" "I don't know." "Or care." "Call legal." "If they sign off on it that's fine." "Will do." "Okay, so, here is the idea." "We start close on a snooker table." "Then we jib down, zoom in and do a pan push to reveal our hero Steve Davis about to make his shot." " Sw..." " Wait, wait, wait back up." "Steve who?" "Steve Davis." "Who the fuck is Steve Davis?" "Oh..." "Haha." "He's a very popular snooker player." "He almost won "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here."" "(positive chatter about Steve Davis)" "He absolutely should have, but he got cheated... (chatter continues)" "Okay look..." "I don't know who Steve Davis is," "I don't know what "snooker" is..." "Well, it's pronounced snooker." "So, yeah, Steve takes a sip of his Lightning..." "Thunder Muscle and then focuses with renewed energy and then... (thunder crashing) ... he makes the shot!" "♪" "This makes a lot more sense now." "Genius?" "(seagulls calling)" " (beeping) - (Vanessa) Sir?" "Vanessa, could you remind me what's the name of this company again?" "Um, Global National." "Global National, oh, so it's not, "Parochial National"" "or small island National?" "No." "Ok and, um, could you remind me how big is our fleet of container ships that continuously criss-cross international waters moving billions of dollars worth of products to over 105 countries?" "Oh, um, I don't have that info..." "Alright, you get the point." "We need somebody who is more than the bonus round answer to a British pub quiz okay?" ""Global" National." "Think big!" "Nobody in Sao Paolo or wherever cares about Dave Stevens." "Who's Dave Stevens?" "Exactly, that's my point." "We need an international superstar." "A footballer!" "I mean those guys'll sign their name to anything." "You can get Dave Beckham ass oil for God's sake." "We need a hero... you know Lionel Messi, uh, the guy from the world cup, Tim Dempsey?" "Brilliant." "Which one?" "The... second one?" " (seagulls calling)" " Alright guys, this is a big deal." "I've got a quarter of a million to spend on the new face of Thunder Muscle." "I got a lot of shit to do." "Moving energy drink is the least of it, alright." "Make this happen." "_" "No, thank you, Madam Chairwoman." "(speaking foreign language)" "Uhh, epi pen?" "(Peter) This just in Todd, a group of us are going to The Hand and Cock for some after work drinks and nibbles." "Guys, I'm only here for one more day." "Let's not push it, huh." "Sorry..." "Mr. Margaret," "I was able to get hold of the most current records for the container ship question you were asking about, um, there are, there are three subsidiaries under the purview of Global National, um, two of which are headquartered in... in the... in the Cayman Islands, um, so if you are taking those" "into account then it's, uh, ninety eight in total." "But if you're not then it's, sorry, um, seventy two." "So..." "Is there anything else I can help you with?" "Yes, could you look up the definition of the word rhetorical, please?" "♪" "(chatter)" "Chef?" "(slurping)" "Ugh." "That jus is just too rich." "(Alice) Nice of you to take the trouble to dress for dinner!" "Oh hey, yeah." "Oh, no, well my, uh, my robe's at the dry cleaners." "So I just had to wear this old thing." "It's good to see you again." "Yeah, you too, I would have come..." "So... what'd you have?" "I see you didn't finish off your seafood platter..." "Oh no, I had the um, deconstructed reconstructed steak and kidney pie foam and the scampi dust and it was fantastic but really..." "So no desert?" "I mean the kitchen's closed... but y'know if you like the look of anything," "I'm sure I can whip something up for you." "No, I'm not really a desert guy but thanks." "Really?" "Can't tempt you?" "No, I'm trying to be good." "Oh, because I can think of ways to, you know, burn off the extra calories." "If that's your worry." "Exactly what kind of dessert are we talking about here?" "Well, I was talking about the chef's special." "Yeah..." "Yeah and tonight it's a moist upside down tart on a bed of... don't know what kind of sheets they have here..." "Egyptian cotton?" "Huhuh, is it?" "Well, Alice you are a, uh, very attractive, um, very forthright, uh, sexually proactive woman but I have a girlfriend and... she's great and I'm really into her." "Yeah, she sounds great but maybe can we talk about her later?" "Yeah, sure." "(straining) Madam... your jam!" "(groaning)" ""Madam, your jam"?" "I don't know where that came from?" "I don't even like jam." "(knocking)" "Go away!" " You know Alice..." " (knocking)" "Wrong room!" "Alice, you know, you're awesome and, uh, I would love to stay in London longer." "I wish I could, but I'm on a plane first thing" " in the morning..." " Oh..." "There he is!" "Todd Margaret." "Lord Mountford!" "Lord Mountford..." "Uh, Mister Lord Mountford." "L..." "Lord Mister Mountford?" "Is there a problem?" "I received a call from Madame Chairwoman Chai Xi Zheng, she was quite happy with the arrangement you made." "As am I." "Thank you, sir." "Let me cut to the chase, I am aware you are due to leave tomorrow." "However, you need to stay here." "I'm very impressed with your work." "I want you to take over from Brent Wilts." "We'll set you up with the apartment, credit card all that shit." "I can start you on a hundred and twenty grand." "Well that is a very generous offer, sir, but, um, uh, unfortunately the timing isn't the best." "Stay and see the launch of Thunder Muscle through, we'll take it from there." "Yeah, once again, I can't, I have to go..." "I'm sorry..." "I've just realized what's going on here." "You think I'm asking you." "♪" "I know, I know it sucks but it's only gonna be a week, at most, maybe... maybe ten days." "But... we could have cybersex?" "Give the NSA something to jerk off to?" "Steph, it was a jo..." "I know you don't have internet at Big Sur... hang on..." "Cumberland Heights, huh..." "Steph, just you go!" "Enjoy it, recharge, y'know." "How's Fanny doing?" "(Stephanie) Don't, "how's Fanny doing" me..." " Yes, yes!" "I'm here right now!" " (Fanny yowling)" "This sucks Todd." "You suck and your cat especially sucks." "Uh, it still reeks of Indian food in here." "Fanny!" "Fanny!" "It's dinner ti... (yowling)" "Where's the epi pen... (yowling continues)" "(growling)" "♪" "(gasping)" "(playing on TV) ♪ Oot and Aboot with Hudson Bear!" "♪" "♪ There's a land that I know... ♪" "Jesus, Brent." "♪ That glistens in the snow, so let us head forth ♪" "♪ Towards the great white north ♪" "♪ Our friends are pure and good ♪" "♪ In our perfect neighborhood ♪" " ♪ We're oot and aboot ♪" " I mean... ♪ with Hudson Bea... ♪" "♪" "(woman) I don't know..." "But you think you can sell it?" "Your asking price is a bit high." " But, my bathroom is..." " Look, it's the whole thing..." "It's dark." "It's claustrophobic." "This perfectly illustrates the lunacy of modern day London." "I'm going to have to reevaluate everything..." "Plus the character's all wrong." "♪" "(sighing)" "♪" "(Life is Sweet) ♪ If I know what I need ♪" "♪ Without reservation ♪" "♪ Life's just sweet a real sensation ♪" "♪ Can't control myself anticipation ♪" "♪ Things are gonna get worse ♪" "Yes, I'd like to find out about booking Tim Dempsey for a commercial, please." "Yes, Tim as in Tim Howard," "Dempsey as in Clint Dempsey." "Yes, we'll provide wardrobe." "Of course, we'll make him up."