"DEAR ABBOT" "After Letters on love, questions to Fr." "Viollet, 1924-43" "A specialist in marital ethics, original and audacious in nature," "Fr." "Viollet set up the Assoc. for Christian Marriage to lead couples in fidelity to Church laws." "He wrote brochures such as For Parents and the Family," "For Young People, For Young Girls," "Duties of Marriage, Marital Ethics..." "Letters began pouring in." ""Balancing ethics and love"" ""is the problem"" ""the Church has to resolve today."" "Fr Viollet, 1930" ""While conversing, next to each other," ""she asked what I wished to do to her." ""I realized she knew nothing." ""I explained things very politely," ""as tactfully as possible." ""Despite this, I realized" ""that she had no idea at all." ""Only one way was left." "" 'Your hand', I said." ""I put her hand on my organ." "" 'This is what a man is like." "" 'Do you see now what I expect of you?" "'" "" 'Yes, I see." "" 'But this act is too humiliating." "" 'I could never do it.' "" ""What is the difference between men and women?" ""I mean physically."" ""Father, in relations, can the woman's pleasure" ""be sought immediately before the act?" ""Of course if relations then take place." ""Can the woman's pleasure" ""be given by the husband to his wife or..." ""by herself?"" ""Dear Abbot, In my parish ministry I am" ""entrusted with confidential matters by spouses," ""mothers, etc.," ""for a very long time" ""I've been reading For the Parents," ""which is very helpful to me and I congratulate you" ""and thank you for it." ""But I have wondered about" ""a case I cannot resolve." ""There's a very chaste 60-year-old bachelor." ""Every 2 or 3 weeks," ""he has involuntary nocturnal emissions and awakens." ""So he makes a few movements that facilitate ejaculation," ""or it would last an hour," ""and he's fine." ""So those movements, dictated not by passion" ""but for hygiene, I would say," ""are they allowed?" ""He sometimes has scruples." ""Two days before, he feels the crisis" ""and heaviness in the testicles," ""heaviness due to the sperm." ""So he wonders if instead of risking" ""staining his bed and bedclothes," ""it would be possible" ""to find relief by a quick masturbation," ""that one could almost consider hygienic care." ""Is that allowed?" ""These pollutions are annoying since they stain" ""and require him to clean himself." ""He also wonders if he could" ""prevent this on fixed days" ""by a massage that would eliminate the sperm," ""quickly and cleanly." ""Of course he mustn't extend it for pleasure." ""What to advise these souls troubled by such hitches" ""of no immoral origin?" ""Spiritual maternity is complex, Father." ""I'd be grateful for your help." ""I have advised local baths." ""Was I wrong?"" ""Father, would you be so kind as to help me with a practical case?" ""A young man of 33 or 34" ""had relations with a girl of 17." ""She's expecting mid-November." ""The young man is from a Christian family," ""even a family of priests and well regarded in a rural parish." ""Not a very rich family but virtuous." "I want to emphasize this." ""A bright young man and still a good Christian." ""The young girl is from elsewhere, we don't know where," ""a farm worker, loose and fickle," ""with no known family, illegitimate on top of it all." ""They have asked me if marriage is the only option" ""given the great difference in age and family." ""The family rejects this option, refusing to accept her," ""and so does the young man, who, because of his Christian upbringing" ""is basically serious and regrets his action." ""Please tell me in confidence and within a few days, if possible," ""whether this could be handled otherwise than by marriage."" ""Dear Father," ""could you help me on a matter that is troubling me?" ""Last summer I wanted to marry a divorced friend" ""waiting for religious annulment of his 1st marriage." ""Based on that hope, we considered ourselves engaged." ""Before going to the colonies," ""he held me close and kissed me for a long time, completely." ""On the mouth." ""Now I learn annulment is impossible" ""and thus our marriage too." ""I am ignorant of the facts of life though I am 23," ""reluctant to learn unless needed." ""Perhaps I'm wrong." ""Is what I'm saying stupid and ridiculous?" ""I wonder if such a kiss is enough to give me a child." ""I dismissed it as unworthy of my friend but..." ""it keeps returning, causing anguish." ""If you assure me I need not fear," ""that it takes more," ""you would free me from torment." ""Thanking you in advance."" ""As a woman, I saw marriage differently." ""The union of hearts and souls in daily intimacy." ""Reality is harsh." ""The marital act has long repelled me."" ""Father," ""our girl of 22 months on going to sleep" ""twists her legs, moving the inside of her vagina." ""I always left her a toy in her playpen" ""and sometimes I removed it." ""I took the Church's advice" ""not leaving her long in bed," ""withholding my caresses, saying:" "'God sees you.'" ""What can we do?" ""We reprimand her, but you can hardly scold a baby." ""It's beyond her control." ""When I leave, she starts again." ""And overnight I can't distract her." ""I need some advice on how to get her to sleep fast," ""reducing the danger." ""Is there a device that mobilizes the thighs and hips" ""that she could wear at night?"" "23 September 1929" ""The intimacy reserved to spouses," ""one of the rare joys given to rich and poor." ""the intimate joys of Christian love" ""between two spouses who practice their religion." ""The intimate joys when knowing one is doing one's duty." ""Father, should these joys" ""be refused to us on pain of offending God?"" ""Dear Abbot," ""allow me to submit a delicate question" ""that belongs to confession." ""We have 4 children and await the 5th." ""But in performing the marital act," ""my wife feels no sensation." ""The act requires lengthy stimulation" ""with the tongue on the vagina." ""Then I perform the marital act." ""It is said all is allowed before, during and after the act." ""But we have scruples as to the method we use" ""and since orgasm is not simultaneous." ""Not wishing to displease God," ""nor to deprive my wife of merited pleasure," ""since she has accepted the burden of numerous children..." ""That is why, I say, I am asking for your advice."" ""We have heard of a method called Ogino." ""Could you tell me the moral value of that method?"" ""Given my wife's health, I am bound to continence." ""Separate beds are not possible." ""Continence is not naturally easy," ""but one can hardly call it heroism." ""This is what I do." ""First, I keep very busy." ""I have my work and take part in good deeds." ""That requires me to rise at 5 am." ""Later, at 10 pm, I mostly feel the need for sleep." ""Secondly, I drink no alcohol," ""not even wine or coffee." ""So no artificial arousal." ""I also abstain from passionate readings" ""no Christian should read." ""Thirdly, I keep my imagination in check." ""In the evening, I focus on topics that interest me." ""The farmers' union meeting or an article to write." ""My imagination never takes over." ""Imagination creates desire." ""Lastly, I of course avoid physical contact with my wife." ""I live with her as if with one of my friends."" ""By common consent," ""we decided on continence," ""and have kept it for 2 years." ""Initially, there were some failures," ""but for quite a while it's been fine." ""My husband demands the intimacies you mention in your magazine." ""It seems to me the easiest" ""is for me to tell you what kind of intimacies he demands." ""Once every two weeks, he wants to sleep in my bed for half an hour" ""to share signs of tenderness." ""He touches my body," ""mainly breasts and elsewhere." ""I have to open my legs as for the conjugal act." ""He lies on top of me moving as in the act" ""outside of the sexual part." ""Or he lies next to me making movements on my thigh." ""He kisses my mouth." ""Wants to see me," ""demands that I hold his member, look at it." ""All this without spilling his seed" ""or arousing me," ""except if these amorous acts last too long." ""By day, if we are on the settee, for example," ""he likes to put his hand between my legs." ""'Although I've read and reread your interesting articles," ""I am not sure" ""and don't know if this is an abuse by my husband" ""or I am being too prudish."" ""Dear Abbot," ""I am a young man of 23," ""living in a provincial town." ""At 15," ""the age when adolescents turn to the love of women" ""I suddenly developed a lively affection for a boy in class" ""which soon developed into love." ""From this fellow student" ""all I desired was" ""the outward marks of love." ""While ignorant about sexual union," ""I often thought to myself:" ""'What a shame two men cannot marry," ""finding nothing wrong."" ""I wish above all to spare my children," ""protecting them since birth." ""These are my methods." ""One: great cleanliness." ""Two: always carefully dress them, especially at night." ""I put clothes on them around their legs." ""Three: talk to them, when the occasion presents itself," ""of the risk of disease if they touch that part" ""save for nature's call or washing." ""Four: teach them from youth to exercise self-control" ""and to love beauty." ""Five: always answer their questions truthfully," ""appropriately to their age." ""I find silence odious." ""I resent my mother never having prepared me." ""That is my sad story, Father." ""If it can be useful to inform parents," ""I will be very happy."" ""Father," ""I am a 23-year-old student." ""Because my case is unusual and no book addresses it," ""I need to speak to you of it directly." ""When I was around 10," ""maybe 11 years old," ""I often played with a friend." ""One day, that play consisted in touching our legs." ""I felt an agreeable sensation." "A carnal pleasure." ""So these games were often repeated, as..." ""the impression..." "or rather the emotion attracted me." ""I had no attraction to sex," ""and I was sure there could be no sin of impurity" ""except in sex, of which I was ignorant." ""I thus continued in this bad habit," ""continued over many years" ""touching the legs of boys." ""I often experienced pollution." ""I didn't know why." ""I had never been moved to touch the sexual parts themselves." ""I had great modesty." "Sex did not interest me." ""The parts I just mentioned never attracted me" ""in the female sex." ""One day I told a Capuchin friar." ""I asked if it was a sin to like the legs of boys." ""My question surprised him" ""as he said no and did not ask for any explanation." ""I haven't mentioned it since..." ""until 3 years ago." ""By chance, I confided in a priest in confession." ""I have never given in to those pleasures since" ""but difficulties arose." ""Joy has disappeared, and I have endured" ""painful and depressing temptation." ""The object of my pleasure gained in attraction." ""Moreover, mental fatigue due to obsessive ideas" ""has sapped my strength and courage." ""I lost self-confidence." ""I was unhappy for more than a year." ""I also had scruples." ""I would just see or think of a boy, and at once" ""I so feared falling into mortal sin." ""I had a sense of voluptuousness." ""Moreover..." ""I was extremely attracted to children." ""Every time my gaze fell on a boy," ""I had the feeling I wanted to avoid and forced myself to avoid." ""This situation did change, in part." ""But I am far from satisfied." ""My most ardent desire" ""is to no longer feel erotic sensations" ""towards these parts that should not arouse pleasures of the flesh." ""I understand these erotic feelings" ""but I should not have them for the parts in question." ""I should correct this" ""unnatural feeling." ""Unfortunately I didn't know..." ""that... habit is, as they say, a second nature." ""That, Father, is my situation." ""I am very grateful" ""that you agreed to let me confide in you and to help me."" ""Don't there have to be some martyrs of marriage," ""as for noble causes in the past under Nero?" ""We admire those Christians." ""Today, the immolation is different." ""It is every moment, in multiple sufferings."" ""Father Viollet," ""as mother and grandmother, allow me to object." ""This question of procreation has poisoned my life" ""and is still my great concern." ""We are told we have to marry off our sons young." "Very well." ""But if like mine, they marry at 23" ""to ensure they do not misbehave or risk losing their soul," ""does their family have to have a baby each year for 30 years?" ""You reply:" "'Let them observe continence.'" ""Fine." ""And since they marry" ""precisely because they are restless," ""what should they do?" ""If they go elsewhere do they sin less?" ""Help us reconcile it all, please." ""May God not be offended." ""Christian families despair of what to do." ""Their wife, their son move away from God for this reason." ""What about large families?" ""From afar it's great, deserving praise and interest." ""Close up, it's deeply sad." ""In all these situations." ""An exception could be made for the wealthy." ""They risk nothing." ""They don't multiply."" ""Should we allow procreation to be left to chance?" ""Is abstinence the only moral approach" ""to controlling or limiting births?" ""The consequences of that approach suffice to reject it as immoral," ""since it will inevitably destroy marriage." ""If you've reached an impasse," ""why not change the rules that erected this barrier?" ""Don't overly strict rules, considered in conscience" ""as unacceptable by those concerned" ""promise the stability of the institution ?"" ""Father," ""I have received your brochure." ""What is allowed is what is defended in marriage." ""From all sides, people clamor for explanations." ""You did not trace a clear boundary" ""between what is permitted and what is prohibited." ""To speak well on a topic, one must know it." ""And I think priests know nothing of marital intimacy." ""They speak in theory, thus inferior" ""to others who can speak from practice." ""It is normal for the priest" ""to have a different concept of love than we do." ""He views it from on high." ""he sees souls, wills," ""but forgets the body is there" ""as an enemy," ""with its senses, natural needs," ""and that life necessarily has" ""inevitable material complications." ""I approve when you write:" "" 'The spouses, as the ministers of the sacrament of marriage," "" 'must assume their responsibilities before God.'" ""Yes, their conscience must judge good and evil." ""It happens" ""that my conscience, though it is neither modern nor flexible," ""does not understand" ""at all what you claim are the duties of marriage." ""I don't believe God created woman solely in order" ""to be a box of garbage," ""a spittoon for men," ""a non-stop and unlimited child factory." ""Don't bother leaping up" ""or going crazy because I am speaking the naked truth." ""You disguise it." ""You gild it" ""so that women will agree." ""In the beginning, I walked with you, I admit." ""But now..." ""I smile at your theories," ""after lamenting them." ""Is it not an excessive moral demand on women" ""to impose continence on her husband" ""because that's the only way to limit births?" ""The Church is the cause of jealousies arising in families." ""Rather than unite, it divides." ""I read your work." "" 'If the caresses asked by a wife" "" 'do make this trial more difficult," "" 'the wife is compelled to have" "" 'the generosity..." "" 'not to lead one's husband to sin.'" ""To resist the demands of a young wife," ""the means is quite simple:" ""from the onset of marriage, avoid caresses." ""Hold the organs in absolute respect" ""save when used for the act." ""And since the woman undergoes the act" ""without any pleasure," ""though she can still have children" ""she cannot desire unknown sensations." ""The privilege of pleasure is only for the man." ""His majesty the man," ""your protégé," ""since not only does he ignore the sufferings of giving birth" ""and the tasks that result." ""His wife, the victim," ""must also show consideration..." ""tenderness..." ""generosity..." ""towards her tormentor." ""Since you speculate" ""on the heart and good will of women," ""I would not be surprised if you wrote a brochure titled" ""'The marital act of Christian spouses" ""'in so many seconds and so many movements'." ""At the point you've reached" ""it hardly matters any more." ""I am so bold as to hope for a reply." ""If I trouble you, good." ""It's a Lenten penance." ""You should be an example." ""All the more so, since the duties of priests are light," ""compared to those of spouses." ""It's true that many couples" ""don't obey their duties," ""simply because they don't believe in them."" "This is our heritage." "Subtitles by:" "ECLAIR MEDIA"