"(Man ) Sophie, could you come in here, please?" "Yes, Damien?" "(Scottish accent) I've been thinking." "We've become rather staid recently." "We haven't really produced any truly interesting titles for some time." "We need some new...blood." "(Computer gunfire )" "Did you have anyone in mind?" "I was rather hoping you might." "How about Peter Gibbons?" "I don't think so." "Jason Murray?" "Too...arty." " Tim Bisley." " Bisley?" "Why do I know that name?" "(Sophie ) 'He came in last year." "'You laughed him out of the office." "'He had blond hair." "'Small ears.'" "Yes, Bisley." "That's right." "I remember his work now." "All muscles and guns." "Most amusing." "Give him a ring, will you Sophie?" " Get me his portfolio." " 0K." "I think it's time we gave young Mr Bisley another shot." "(Chuckles )" "(Cackling)" "(Phone )" "# 0h, baby" "# 0h, baby" "(Cackling)" "You idiot." " Morning." "Coffee and Kilroy?" " No thanks." " Tea and Tricia?" " No!" "Why are you scrimmaging around?" " Sophie from Darkstar called." " Sophie." "Damien Knox wants to see my portfolio." "Sophie." "No, Damien Knox." "The head of Darkstar Comix." "He wants to see my portfolio." "I am a little nervous." "God, wow." "He wants to see your portfolio?" "God, what a break." "That's brilliant." " Is it, Daisy?" " Yeah." "God, well done." "That's excellent." "Really good." "Well done, you." "Well done." "(Banging above )" " What's that?" " I don't know." "It's upstairs." "Maybe it's Marsha." " Maybe it's Mike." " Maybe it's Mike AND Marsha." "Ready to go again, soldier?" "Cock-locked and ready to rock." "Got anything planned?" "I have got a bit of a project." "I'm gonna be as inactive as I can in order to get into the psyche of someone unemployed, vocationally and cerebrally, to see if enforced passivity exacerbates itself." "Does inactivity breed laziness?" " You writing an article on it?" " No." "I can't be bothered." "I'm not really a praying man and I never really ask you for much, so if you could see your way clear to helping me today," "I would be really grateful." "Thank you very much." "Amen." "(Banging upstairs )" ""I'm a massive wanker."" "(Buzzer)" "It's all right." "It's my messenger." " That's weird." " What?" " There's nobody there." " 0i oi!" "You lucky people." "(Both) 0h, hi, Tyres." "I understand you two "friends" wanted to talk to me." "I was wondering if you could run my portfolio over to Darkstar." "I see." "You don't call me for weeks and all of a sudden you want a favour." "That's nice." "The last time I seen you, you said you wished I was your da and hugged me for the entire length of Josh Wink's Higher State of Consciousness." "And now you want me to ferry round your "art"?" " Yes, please." " 0K." "By the way, you owe me 20 quid." "0h, right." "Yeah." "How are you, my pocket Shakespeare?" "Come up with any exciting literary characters?" "Yes, actually." "Dizzy Steinway." "I like it." "What is she, some sort of crime-busting jazz singer?" "No." "It's the name I'm using to sign on." "You want to get off your arse and get a job, Dizzy, or whatever your name isn't." " Nice hair, by the way." " There you go, mate." " Cheers." " My livelihood is in here." " Guard it with your life." " As ever." "You out this weekend?" "I'm a bit strapped for cash actually." "Lend me 20 quid?" " Yeah, sure." " Great." "What's that noise?" "Um..." " (Both) We don't know." " I like it." "( # Dance music)" "(Phone rings in time )" "You better get off." "That's got to be there by 11." "Right, sir." "I've got a good feeling about this parcel." "Hopefully things might start going my way." "You know what it's like." "Door, please, Timmy." "Right." "(Tyres singing)" "That was close." "He nearly went disco." "(Banging continues )" "What is that noise?" "I don't know." "I'm gonna find out." " Can you tell Mike I need him?" " What for?" "No reason, I just...need him." "(Woman on TV) 'Can you feel it in your butt?" "That's good.'" "(Daisy ) Marsha?" "Come in, kitten." "It's open." "'..two, turn, one...'" " Morning, Daisy." " Hi, Mike." " Nice outfit." " Thanks." " Tim wants you." " Wants me or needs me?" "Needs you." "Right." "Ladies." "So what you up to, Marsha?" "It's Cher's new fitness video." "Thong for Europe." "Mike reckons I got between 15 and 20 years to find hubby number three and I want to look my best." "Why don't you come for a jog with me?" "0h, no." "No." "Come on." "It'll be fun." "Get off your ass." "Get the adrenaline pumpin'." "No, I shouldn't do sport of any kind." "I'm actually allergic to endorphins." "I get very competitive." "Anyway, who wants to look like these people?" "Go to the gym all day, go to some premiere in a low-cut dress to get on the cover of some magazine." "What kind of a life is that?" "I'm happy right where I am." " Where is it?" " Where's what?" "There was a picture of a man with a white eye saying "I am a massive wanker."" "And if you put it in my portfolio I cannot begin to describe the damage you may have done." "Well, I..." "We want this to be easy." "You're amongst friends." " I just..." " What?" " What you done with it?" " Did you put it in my portfolio?" "I put it in A portfolio." "What?" "!" "I put it in your portfolio." "What?" "!" "Did she say what I think?" " She put it in my portfolio." " What?" "!" "I thought you'd forgotten it." "I was trying to help." "That was a picture of a man who is about to decide whether I work for Darkstar Comix." "You see why I left it out?" "Yes!" "Yes, yes." "And I'm sorry." "I was just trying to help." "Don't!" "If you're going to help, get off your ass and help yourself." "Why is everyone talking about my ass?" "Mike." "We've got to try and stop Tyres." "Don't worry, Daisy." "Tim's just really angry at you because you've jeopardised his future, 0K?" "I was just trying to help." "(Door closes )" "God." "Ow, ow, ow." " All right, Kitten?" " Yes!" "Sure you don't want to come for a jog?" " Yes." " You got work to do?" "(Sighs ) No." "What you gonna do, then?" "Sit around the house waiting for Tim to come home?" "I'll get my plimsolls." "Is Brian there?" "Why are you dressed like that?" "Thought you might like to come for a run." "Might ease your frustration." "What frustration?" "(Twist) Why?" "I like going out!" "(Brian ) I want to stay in." "(Twist) And have sex?" "That's all you ever want." "I'm not here for one thing." "I want you to see me as a whole." " I do." " Whole with a "w"." "(Brian moans )" "Just thought you might like a jog." "No, can't." "Mum's coming, we're going out for lunch." "Is that why you're dressed like that?" "She thinks I'm a lawyer." "Bloody 'ell." "I thought I knew all your little secrets." "No wonder you're so tense." "Come on!" "(Honks horn )" "Come on!" "What is the hold-up?" "There's been an accident." "Somebody got hurt." " Who?" " A lady." " How d'you know?" " Because we hit her." " Did we?" " Yeah." "That's her there." " Ah!" " What the hell are you doing?" "It's broad daylight!" "You have no consideration for cyclists." "Pardon?" "What the hell are you doing?" "It's broad daylight." "You have no consideration for cyclists." "All right." "What's your problem?" "(Tyres screech)" "(Panting)" " You all right?" " Yeah." " Think you can go on?" "Come on." " Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah, sure." "Sure." "That's not gonna happen cos he's a small fish in a big pond and I'm a big...shark!" "Yes, yes." "OK." "Bye." "Hi, Mum." " Hello, love." " Shall we go?" "Aren't we going in?" "No, I've got the builders in." "They're making a wall." "I know a good place to eat." "This is all right." " What did I tell you?" " It's quite fun." "(Listening to dance music)" "Shit, there he is." "Tyres!" "(Groans )" "What about you?" " Don't deliver that parcel." " Why?" "There's something I don't want them to see." "Paperclips?" "No." "Where's my portfolio?" "I delivered that half an hour ago." "Noooooooooooooooo!" "Did you get it?" " Nice outfit." " Thanks." "Tim Bisley's portfolio has arrived." "Right." "Actually, I'll look at it after lunch." "(Tim ) Couldn't we go get it?" "Not even I can get to the upper reaches." "Parcels are left at reception and collected by personnel." " (Both) Damn." " They must let some people up." " Not without an appointment." " Shit." "How am I gonna get my picture back?" "Mike, any ideas?" "Tyres?" "Yeah, but we'll need another walkie-talkie." " (Beeping) - 0r two." "Can I have a large half-caff frappuccino, please?" "With whipped cream and marshmallow dunkers..." "Mum?" "Yes." "I'll have one of those, too." "When in Rome." " So how is everything?" " Good." " How's Twist?" " Good. 0ut of town." "Can't wait to meet her." "Very busy." "Well, fashion is big business these days, Brian." "You know that." "(Screeches ) 0h, are they friends of yours?" "Never seen them before." " Brian, what is it?" " Sorry?" " What is it?" " It's me again." " I can see that." " Third time today." "Have you got something to deliver?" "I was thinking, I'm getting a bit long in the tooth with this cycling lark." "The old pins ain't what they used to be." "What's your point?" "I was wondering what it's like to be a security guard." "I really look up to people like you." "Do you?" "Yeah." "How'd I get to be like you?" "Well, tell you what, give us your name and address, and I'll send you all you need to apply." " Would you?" " Sure." "Why not?" "Brilliant." "All right." "My name's Henry Krinkle." "K-r-i-n-k-l-e." "154, Hopper Avenue." " Hopper?" " Yeah, Hopper." "(Groans ) Ow." "Ow." "Colin!" "Stop her." "(Barks )" "Who does he think he is?" "Bob bloody Kane?" "Tell him I'd make more money pimping his grandmother." "How's Dad?" "0h, you know him." "Frustrated as ever." "He's taken up art classes." " What?" " Yes." "I think he'd always fancied himself as an artist." "He keeps it to himself." "We always hoped you might go in for that sort of thing." "You were so good at it at school." "It might have given you something to talk about with your father." " Mum." " What, love?" "Something I should tell you." "What is it?" "This is it." "Fourth floor." " You ready?" " I was born ready." " But are you ready now?" " Yeah." "We've only got to get the picture back and not get caught." "How hard can that be?" "Tell Stan I'll speak to him later." "After I've put Bisley out of his misery." "There it is." " Shit." " Is it locked?" "No, I was joking." "(Laughs )" " What are we gonna do?" " Er...there." " What?" " Ventilation shaft." "Simple and classic." "(Chuckles ) 0h." " I can't believe this." " I'm sorry." " Why?" " I thought you'd be disappointed." "That's so silly." "We don't mind what you do, so long as you're not gay." "I bet you made up Twist, as well." "I should've known." "What sort of a name is Twist?" " No, she's real." " Well, that's something." " So, you're an artist." " Yep." "What sort of thing do you do?" "Um, anger." "Aaaaaaaah!" "Pain." "Ow!" "Fear." "Aggression." "(Ticking)" "Watercolours?" "Do you go clubbing much?" "No, do a lot of night work." "I love night work." "I'm usually up all hours." " Speeding through the night?" " Something like that." "0K, stay out of sight." "If anybody comes, warn me on the walkie." " Roger." " Let's go." "(Coughing)" " How's your knee?" " I'll live." "My teeth hurt." "I wish I hadn't started this now." "I'm sorry, Marsha, but I did warn you." "(Panting)" "It was the same with netball." "At school." "( # Grange Hill music)" "'I remember playing a friendly in the upper sixth." "'I played goal attack." "'And I had a wee rivalry with the goalie on the other team." "'She was called Nina." "'I remember the goal shooter took a shot 'and it was obvious Nina was gonna save." "'So I did what I had to do." "'I saved the game." "'But I lost a lot of friends.'" "I just shouldn't exercise." "It's not just bad for me, it's bad for everybody." "I don't know." "I'm really feeling the benefit now." "(Sighs )" "Come on, let's fuck off home." "Hmm." "I wonder if Tim's back." "What's Colin looking at?" "(Panting)" "Where's he off to?" "0h, my God!" "So, when did you decide to become an artist?" "I think it was, you know, when the dog died." "0h, you never did get over that." "(Daisy ) Colin!" "Colin!" "(Horn )" "Pom-Pom!" "Not again." "(Daisy ) Colin!" "(Engine racing)" "Daisy!" "(Crash)" "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "0oh, um." "Well." " I...was just..." " Looking for this?" "Yes." "Yeah, um..." "I had to get it back, you see." "I mean if Mr Knox saw it, then..." "It wouldn't really do you any favours?" "No, no, no." "No, um." "How are you, Sophie?" "Fine, thanks." "Good, good." "I forgot you worked here." "Really?" "(Mike ) 'Tim, that girl you fancy's coming into the office.'" "Thanks, Mike." "How's Damien?" "I'm sorry." "You just ran out in front of me." "I know you." "You're a massive wanker." "I said I was sorry." "I've had enough of keeping fit." "It's too bloody dangerous." "If people throw themselves in front of cars, what do you expect?" "She could sue you." "For what?" "Dangerous driving." "Bloody hell, you're not a lawyer?" "No, he's an artist." " Here's your picture." " Thanks." "I think I'll keep this one." "Yeah, fine." "It was nice to see you again, Tim." "You're nice, too." "It was nice to see you, too." " Tim." " Yes." " What are you doing on Friday?" " What?" "Would you like to go out for a drink with me on Friday?" "Yeah." "Great." "I'll give you a ring." "OK." " See you Friday." " See you Friday." "You get it?" "That's not all I got." "Leave the coffee!" "No, never been to Ibiza." "You should go, mate." "Went to Gran Canaria." "I got some pictures, actually." " What the..." " The cat is out of the bag." "'Repeat, the cat is out of the bag.'" "(Both) Shit." "He's taking the stairs, get the lift." "'He's taking the stairs, get the lift!" "'" "(Both) Shit." "Bisley." "(Squeaks ) Hi." "Well now." "You're keen, aren't you?" "Haven't had a chance to look over your stuff yet." " 0h, that's all right." " (Thumping)" " Everything all right, Willis?" " Sorry, sir." "Thought I saw unauthorised personnel on the monitor." "I haven't seen anybody." "I'll get back to me desk, then." " Hello, Mike." " Hello." " What are you doing here?" " I'm with Tim." "Right." "You coming to TA Saturday?" "0h, yes." "Stealth and tactics weekend." "I wouldn't miss it." "(Mike ) I've an idea for an infiltration technique." "It involves draining a man's blood, replacing it with Tizer." "Sounds great." "Look forward to that." " See you Saturday." " Yeah." "Sir." "Yes, right." "Good to see you looking so enthusiastic, Bisley." "I'll let you know either way." "Thanks, Mr Knox." " Damien." " Thanks, Damien." " Nice outfit." " 0h, thanks." "He's nice, isn't he?" "So, we happy?" "Are we happy." "Right, mine's a pint of the black stuff." "You can't drink a pint of Bovril." "(Beeping)" "What do you think?" "Very good." "Very good indeed." "Schedule him in for a meeting next Tuesday." "I think we're going to be seeing a lot of young Mr Bisley." " 0i oi." " 0h." "Hello." "Hi." "Listen, I got that picture back." " That's not all he got." " Mike." " I got off me ass." " Did you?" " Yeah." " What happened?" "I bumped into a friend of yours." "Really?" "why don't you tell me all about it?" " My ass?" " Yeah, if you like." "Where's Tyres?" "(Beeping)" "(Honks horn repeatedly)" "(Beeping stops )" "(Horn honks )" "(Beeping)"