"BLACK PALMS" "She was known in ports all over the world, Elin Pappila, always searching for a man called Colett." "He had saved her from drowning during a shipwreck." "And now she wanted to save him." "But once, other things happened." "She could not forget these either, and they made her life still more serious, more stable." "There are two cities, one on either side of the bay." "Confusingly like life, Rio de Janeiro is not in Rio de Janeiro at all, but in the state of Guanabara, while the port and capital of the state of Rio de Janeiro is called Niteroi." "On the other side, in the white city of dreams, you walk on mosaic, mandarins grow in the streets, and the walls gleam with gold dust." "No black palms there, black with soot and wine fumes, parched with the thirst." "Christ, how dry your mouth gets in the mornings." "What about a drink?" "What?" "Are you good at writing?" "Me?" "Sure I am!" "I can write." "I write so that the paper catches fire." "A love letter." "It was last night." "I was with a bird, out on the paddle steamer." "And in the dark..." "No one's at his best in the morning, so I want you to tell her that she was a bit of nice and so on, see?" "And that I'm sorry about that." "And... at the same time I wasn't a bloody bit sorry." "Though how to explain that..." " What's her name?" " I don't know." "You'II damn well have to make something up." "Then let's say this." "Darling sweetheart," "It's... a pity..." "I didn't stay... this morning." "Sweetheart!" "What are you writing now?" "I'II come and see you soon." ""Darling sweetheart", it says here." ""It's a pity I didn't stay here." "What happened in the paddle..."" "No! "in the paddle steamer" OIofson, "the paddle steamer..."" ""FIower-bud." It says here. "FIower-bud."" " And then?" " "That..."" "Look here, OIofson, I've had a belly-ache for several days now." "I must go to the jakes for a while." "I must have a shit." " Are you going to shit all afternoon?" " Coming!" "I've got such a belly-ache." " What the hell...!" " OIofson!" "OIofson!" "Try and understand me, OIofson!" "Try and understand that..." "I couldn't" " Couldn't?" " No, I couldn't." "Try and understand." "I couldn't." "OIofson, try." "I'm gone on her myself." "Really gone, you see." "OIofson, try and understand." "Such is life, you see." "Black ships go from port to port, picking up the bums and vagabonds, and taking them home on the expense of the consulate." "The bums dread black ships more than the devil himself." "They don't want to go home, not now and not like that." "Something might turn up." "Two years later." "Dear God, send us a black ship." "please do, gentle, merciful God." "I can't stand it any longer." "Good afternoon." "Good afternoon." "I'm sorry." "EIin Pappila." "Lassen." "I preach the word of God." "Shall I get something to drink?" " Perhaps you're thirsty?" " Thank you." "Well then..." "Did you come with the Finnish boat Pojkola, that arrived this morning?" "Are you cook on board?" "And now you came here to get some papers and news from home, I suppose?" "I see, I see." "The closet here is full of daily papers and magazines." "And our own little church pamphlet, of course." " I want to get hold of Colett." " Oh, do you?" " And why is that?" " I just want to." "Do you realize that Colett is a bum?" "A bum, one of the worst rotters in the whole port." " You still want to get hold of him." " Yes, he saved my Iife." " Now I want to save his." " Yes, I know he saved your life." "Look, this salvage money has just arrived at the consulate." "I don't want him to have it, for his own sake." "Twice Colett has had a stroke." "The third time will finish him off." "And I'm the one who will have to bury him." "And this money!" "3000 dollars!" "Think what will happen!" "Sodom and Gomorra!" "Colett!" "And you think you can save him?" "When I think ofwhat I myself have done to help poor Colett, and his two mates, OIofson and Luleå." "Oh, it has not been entirely wasted." "It happens that they come to get a small magazine sometimes, The Anchor." "Oh!" "OIofson!" "And what are you doing here?" "Lying in wait for me?" "Were you going to use violence?" "Police!" "Police!" "Police!" "Why don't you do something?" "Don't just stand there!" "Grab him!" " Him?" " Grab him!" "Take it easy." "Don't get so heated up." "You see what fiends of hell I have to fight against." "always in this place!" " OIofson." " EIin Pappila." "Gustav OIofson." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "Shameless!" "Did you see, my child?" "That's what the priests are like." "We must take the Bible away from these liars and burn it." "Yes you, who are so good to your father." "Let me out!" "Let me out!" "Coffee?" "Well, why don't you arrest me?" "That... can always be arranged." "Arranged?" "I haven't asked you to." "I've had a message today from the consulate." "What the hell has that got to do with me?" "Itwas about a black ship." "What?" "A black ship?" "They wanted to know if we at the police wanted a black ship." "What did you say?" "That we would study the case and think it over." "Coffee!" "Let's fix it." "Officer, the girl was Iying in the street." "Bring her over to the bed." "Lay her down here." "Oh, doctor!" "This way, please." "please, leave the doctor alone with the patient." "Go outside, all of you." "Leave the doctor alone." "This way, doctor." "Here..." " Why, she's anaemic." " She had a baby not long ago." " A baby?" "It's not possible." " Yes, a baby." " Is it serious?" " She was struck on the neck." " She must rest for a few days." " Not very quiet on board, is it?" "At the Scandinavian Sailor's Home it's nice and quiet." "I'II fix a bed." " Do you agree to that, doctor?" " I'II find someone to look after her." "That's fine." "Girls, please go away from the window." "She's better now." " What's that?" "What is it?" " Stop there!" "Stop there!" " What is it?" " I found this bag in the street." "I ran after these lads to report it, and then I'm had up as a thief." "But they don't look for the owner of the bag." "It so happens that she is here." "Look at her." "I suppose you didn't also find a gold locket?" " Where's the locket?" " Search me!" "Go on, search me!" " Wine." " Oh, wine, eh?" " Got any money?" "For wine?" " Sure, I have money." "We'II see when it comes to it." "You won't get out of here without paying." " A glass, please." " Broken a glass again, have you?" "I've something better to do than clear up after you all day long." "Fat old Martin Karlsson offered me a drink" "But once inside the kitchen I couldn't get out again" "I had to pay for my drink" "So I thought out a way of getting out again" "I kicked the door down and the lock jumped out" "Yes, the lock jumped out" "And what's the price for two meals a day?" " What was agreed on." " You're a good cook." " There's a stove to heat the food on?" " Everything is fixed up." " Hello." " Hello." "Where did you get the keg?" "I'm damned if I know." " Oh, so you don't know." " No, I've forgotten." "It's so bloody long ago and..." "When I woke up, there stood the keg or... the firkin." "Christ, how do I know what happened?" "It says here how just the other day a child, a Iittle girl, was rolling a firkin of salt fish up the main street to her home." "Suddenly she met a giant of a man, probably an albino." "She was so terrified, that she left the firkin in the street and ran away" "The man in question took the firkin and disappeared." "He was drunk." "Once again we see to what awful depths a man can sink under the influence of drink." " Oh, Lord Jesus!" " Children..." "You can have our lolly." "Ifwe'd had more, you'd have gotthat, too." "OIofson, you mustn'tthink that you're such a scoundrel that little children run away from you, I mean that you frighten..." "OIofson, are you going to the ferry?" "Eh?" "OIofson!" " Think twice now!" " Is it because of that little girl?" "Yes, that too." "In Rio there's everything, any amount of lolly!" "We could try to find that girl, buy the keg or the firkin or what the hell it's called." "We could buy new clothes, clear out with lolly in our pockets." " That's all very well." " It sounds a bit of all right." "But, OIofson, you needn't take on so." "OIofson!" "Oh, hell!" "So..." "So I go round frightening children, eh?" "Innocent little children, eh?" "You've got our lolly in your pocket because we trusted you." "Give it back before they lock you up." "No, I was going to buy something with it, for the girl." "A toy or two, or a bag of sweets." "Up you get!" "Do you hear!" "Move yourself!" "Say something!" "Colett, the salvage money has come." " The salvage money?" " Yes!" "His salvage money." " How much?" "3000." " Kronor?" " No, dollars!" "In Rio..." "The consul is a teetotaller." "Excuse us." "Leave it to me." "I'II fix this." "Pepito is a friend of mine who helps me with odd jobs here in the house." "Quite right." " How do you do." " Thank you." "When are you going to give back the wedding rings you stole at my sisters wedding?" "Well, Pepito?" "When are you going to give them back?" "What are you to do with superstitious women?" "I know it was you who stole them." "Even if the others don't know, I know" " You're talking nonsense." "Nonsense." " I know it was you who stole them." "You always steal things." "What about the little matter of this girl's bag?" "I'II give you something to go on with!" " I'II call the police." " Go on then, I'd Iike to see you." "Go on!" "Don'tworry." "He'II go home now and his wife will see to him." " Is Pepito a thief?" " Everybody knows that." "A thief?" "!" "Yes, and what's so strange about that?" " Like a sweet?" "If you'd Iike more, take them." "Isn't he your friend?" "My friend?" "A thief!" "My friend?" "Just what do you think?" "How mean!" "One moment he's your friend, the next he's not." "But I didn't know he was a thief." "But you ought to know." "Everybody ought to know." "Knowwhat?" "That a thief is a thief, even before he has stolen anything." "That a thief is a thief before he steals?" "Yes, a thief." "We could do with Colett's salvage money." "Yes, but it's in Rio." "I've been in Rio." "At night." "Drunk!" " Well, all the same..." " We could always try." " The consul is a teetotaller." " Well, he can't keep it back." " Colett can take his salvage money." " He'd only get chucked out." "It's bloody inhuman." "It's his money." "Teetotallers are inhuman." "That's why they're teetotallers." "Yes, but think of the lolly." "We could buy up the whole bloody wine port." " Bums could drink themselves to death" " What a spree, eh?" "I could pay for that keg of fish or firkin or..." "And give the girl a present." " We could go over to Rio." " In the daytime!" "Sit on the Copacabana." "What dollies, eh!" "We could have tarts with silk stockings." "And... and... and nothing but brandy and beef." "Or else buy a ticket of our own... home." "Home to Luleå." "And maybe even have some lolly over, when we went ashore." "You'II have to bloody well sober up, Colett." "Don't tell me you're a Catholic?" "I daren't." " Well, you can be sober for one day." " He has blacked out twice already." " It needn't be so..." " Don't talk about it." "That you'II black out a third time." "Go easy on it, "peu à peu" as they say." "You could try, anyway." "Christ, it's only over to Rio." " You're our pal?" " Ever blacked out?" "Know what it is?" "Everything gets all mixed up and funny." "Whatever you do seems wrong, so you just want to spew on it." "Your head spins round and you know you're going to die... so you die." "But then you wake up again, and that's wrong, too." "This time I won'twake up, you see." "This time..." "I go right out." "Lassen will have to bury me." "What's the use then ofwine and a voyage home to Mum?" "Come on, Iet's go." " What the hell?" "!" " What?" " Where are we going?" " To Rio!" "You haven't got the knack." "You can neitherwalk nor booze." "You haven't been broke long enough." " Was that all my eye about the lolly?" " Just to get me overto Rio, eh?" "Well, I got them from that barber in Rio." "He said that if everyone paid with dud money, it would be all the same." "But here in Niteroi..." "It won't work here, but in Rio it does." "Hey!" "I've been robbed!" "I've been robbed!" "The lolly's gone!" "I had thought of going to that barber and getting him to part my hair." "If he could, of course." "So I don't go round scaring children." "It's not called scurvy." "It's called Pendikulum Vestibulum, body-Iouse." "Kill the buggers!" " Thanks." "Scurvy are created beings like all others." "They've a right to live, too." "Well, they needn't live on me." "I'm no bloody Salvation Army hostel." "If you think you're the only one who has got them, you're mistaken." " I knowwhatwe'II do." "Boil." " Boil?" "What the hell do you mean?" "Are you so bloody ignorant that you don't knowwhat "boil" is?" "You boil all the clothes in a pot and make soup of all the lice." "We scratch our way through life." "AII humanity is scurvy, multiplying until it chokes itself." "The whole world ought to be boiled." "That'd get rid of the lice!" "That's not very nice of you, Colett." "I'm no bloody Iouse!" "I didn't think ofthat." " What about the coat?" " No." "The devils own!" "Come here, girl!" "Come!" "Hey!" "Want some?" "We must have faith and trust." "We can't just forget and go on, and make the same stupid mistakes again." "That's not living." "It's not so awful turning over a new leaf." "Though it's no good getting so upset that you start drinking again." "Let me tell you how fear itself can turn into something fine, wonderful." "It was a couple of years ago, here in Niteroi." "I was looking for Colett." "I set off during the night and got caught up in the horde like tonight." "Itwas dark, some tried to get at me." "You've no idea how scared I was." "I was so frightened I wanted to die as I ran." "AII of a sudden I was with someone big and strong and warm." "I couldn't see who it was or recognize him." "He lifted me up and carried me out of all danger and out of my fear." "Out to a boat on the water, and we spent the night there." "Next morning, when I woke up, he had gone." "But just think how it turned out!" "I had a baby." "He had given me a child that night." "That just shows howwell things can turn out, even when they look black." "Oh, you're not ill, are you?" "OIofson!" "That'II do!" "Put him down." "What are you doing here, you unhappy wretch?" "Never mind." "Has this church become a den of thieves?" "Do you knowwho that is?" "Mosquito-Marie, a notorious brothel madam." "I just knew she was Pepito's wife." "Just what sort of person are you, that attracts such scum?" " Where were you last night, e.g?" " I was out." "Looking for Colett." "Good." "He can look after you." "You get on best with him." "You, who don't judge people by their actions." "You don't care he's a besotted bum who steals, makes a beast of himself." "You stick to him." "That's my advice." "If he hasn't already died of the DT's" "To think that the likes of you bring children into the world." " Children?" " Yes, children." " I'm told you have had a baby." " Yes, I have, but not by him." "Not by him?" "!" "Have you had still more affairs?" "No!" "What is all this?" "I can't make you out." "Answer truthfully now." "Who is your child's father?" " I don't know." " You don't know?" "You don't know who your child's father is?" "How is that possible?" "I never saw him." "Itwas too dark." "Out!" "Out!" "Out of my house!" "Get out!" "The lot of you, get out!" " I'II go on board the ship again." " It left the docks, it's in the roads" " Stay with me, with the other girls." " Thank you." "It's a Iot of money." "A Iot of money." "There's a reliable way." "Love." "Haven't we 19 willing girls here?" "19 dollies here?" "Pepito, my sweet." "Men don't drink because no one loves them, but because they themselves don't love anyone." "Then it won't be easy." "If he doesn't stop drinking, he won't get any money." "And if he does stop, he'II die and no one gets the money." "That's how it is." "But if he falls in love with someone, he'II stop drinking." "But howfall in love with anyone, if he dies when he stops drinking?" "Hopeless." "I don't agree." "There is someone here in the port that he likes." " And she is not indifferent." " Who?" "Ana Gorda." "AII we have to do is to make him presentable." "Give me my father's money, you thief!" "Give me the money!" "No, it wasn't me." "You must have left it at the office." "Have you anything else to say?" "Is that what you do, you..." "Hey!" " Nice!" " Is this for me?" " I got a tie." " Lovely!" " You're going to look wonderful." " Is this for me, too?" "Look here, old man, you can go to prison for pretending to be blind." " But I really am blind." " Oh?" "Well, yourfriend here cleared offwith all the money." " Who?" "Who are you talking about?" " Yourfriend." "He was here and accepted money from everyone." "And itwasn't so little either." "My friend?" "I haven't any friend." "In that case I've been robbed." "You weren't robbed." "He's sitting just here counting the money." "Come here!" "Take a few steps in that direction." "You'II find him overthere." "Go on." "Give herthe money." "Moro!" "No, no!" " Help me do up the zipper." " Must I do it already?" "Yes, you must." " What's this?" " It's your shoes." "This... am I to have this, too?" "Give it to me." "Quick!" " You're nice." " Ow!" "It wasn't your fault that he fell in the water." "It was mine really." "Yours or mine..." "I could have stopped it!" " Where's Colett, by the way?" " Haven't bumped him off, have you?" "Not a sign of him for several days." "What have we done to try and find him?" "Not a bloody thing!" " I've an idea what's happened to him." " And what's that?" "Someone got wind of the money and cut Colett's throat." "Pinched the lolly." " You're not amusing this evening." " OIofson is tired, he needs a sleep." "I didn't give a damn whether Colettwas alive or dead." "I wanted him to disappear." "Why?" "Because there's a bird in the port who has come to take care of Colett." "I want her to take care of me instead." "It's as simple as that." "You're talking rot, OIofson." "Yes, I am, but it's the truth." "My truth is rot." " Luleå..." " Oh, hell." "You must give me the flute player's money." "Give it to me." "I'II give it back to the flute player's little girl." "OIofson, it's no good, don't you see?" "You don't even know where she lives." "OIofson..." "If you don't give it to me, I'II take it." "You know that." "We'II have a scrap and then the money's mine." "I'm tired of that." "Give it to me now, Luleå." " But you don't need the whole lot?" " Yes, I do." "THE ROYAL SWEDISH CONSULATE Rio de Janeiro" "We've chartered a boat to get rid of the vermin in the port." "As soon as we get a berth, the police will round them up." "The bums must go." " In truth a good deed." " Thank you." "And this..." "Kent Gunnar Colin, why doesn't he get his salvage money?" "He drinks so terribly." "3000, that's right." "In that case I'd rather not see him here." "I'm glad you're taking charge of the money." "See that he gets it." "I'II be spared the sight of him here." "Then this..." " You have my confidence." " Thank you." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "Thank you, goodbye." "Pepito, my friend!" " Have you seen Colett?" " No, why?" "The vagabonds are going to be deported any day now." "Is that the order that they are to clear out?" "Maybe, maybe." "Tell me if you see them." "Sure!" "Trust Pepito." "You can count on me." " Friend." " Friend, sure, sure." " AII right?" " Oh!" "Oh, what a sleep." "Three hours!" "Oh, how nice!" "Lovely." "Ana Gorda and Colett." " What does it mean?" " Ana and Colett." "It's a wedding today, so to say, for Ana Gorda and little Colett." "Wedding?" "Love is to save him from drinking himself to death." "Hello there!" "It's all gone." "There's no more." "It's time now." " Let's go." " Where to?" "Ana Gorda." "Come on..." " Let's go." " Ana Gorda..." "But... why?" "Fun!" "Fun!" "You're not going to make fun of me, are you?" "Maybe." "Let's refresh ourselves, eh?" " What's that?" " You've got to pay for this." "No driving licence?" "Standing in the middle of the street!" " clear off!" "And you stay here!" "What do you mean?" "Hit me, would you?" " Who's going to pay for this?" " Do you want me to bash your head in?" "Come in, please." "Maruja!" "At this hour?" " What nonsense is this?" " My daddy's dead." "Would you Iike me to read you something out of the Bible?" " My daddy wanted me to burn the Bible" " Don't blasheme!" " Maruja!" " Maruja!" "It must be burnt!" "Maruja, come back!" "Maruja, I must talk to you!" "The salvage..." "Where have you been, Colett?" "Several days..." "I don't deign to answer that question." "What the hell are you laughing at?" "What?" "Well?" "Did you give the money to the girl?" "Now I'm broke again." "Except for Colett's salvage money." "Well, he looks nice and respectable." "Outwardly, at any rate." "Let's have a go, eh?" "You'II be the death of me, lads." "Cachaça." "Cachaça!" " Remember you must keep sober." " You haven't any money anyway." " Keep the clothes until we get to Rio" " Walk in front of us from now on." "Don't expect me this summer, ellen I'II still have..." "You'II do, OIofson." "There are some even worse." "When I can't even get Colett his own money..." "Tomorrow I'II bloody well keep him away from wine in any form." "I'II lead him to Rio by the ears." " Easy as anything." " What?" "To get to Rio, of course." "What else?" "Anyway you needn't let fly at me as if I were a dog or a hen or something" "Have I done you any harm?" "Tell me and I'II hook it." "Just say and I'II go." "Perhaps I did lose my temper." "How did you mean we could get the money?" " It's all very simple." " Oh." "A little education and you can cope with worse things than this in life." "What?" " It's all very simple." " Yes, so you said." "Well." "The trouble is we've tried to get to Rio by going past all the bars." "And not going in." "We'II get... past them by not going past them." "Like this, see..." "Will go to the ferry." "And look in at every bar, every single bar on the way." "We go in and have a drink." "As much as we like." "We'II get drunk, but we'II get to the ferry, even if we have to crawl." " But you know Colett has to be sober." " Don't keep interrupting." "Then, Iet me tell you." "Then we're on board the ferry, eh?" "Then we get over to Rio." "Well, then we're in Rio." "Well, then we lie down and sleep." "Then we wake up, stone-cold sober, and fetch the money." "Go away, my friends." "Mind out for the waves." "Go away from here." "Go away." "It's dangerous here." "You will drown here." " Do you want to tell our fortunes?" " Go away!" "Very dangerous!" "Go away!" "Luleå!" "Luleå!" "Hello there!" "What's all that bloody noise down there?" "OIofson!" "Four men overboard!" "Help!" "OIofson!" "Help!" "OIofson, I can't swim!" "Help!" "Colett!" "Welcome!" "You've come to the right place, bloody swine!" " Here?" " To a black ship." "Jesus Christ!" "I suppose you haven't seen my Bible?" "No." "I've so little to do with that book." "Perhaps it's you who have stolen it." "And the money." "You and your strange friends." "I haven't stolen anything." "You're to take Colett in hand." "Help him to start a new life." "Then perhaps you can marry him one day." "I'm not needed any more." "Ana Gorda has already taken him in hand." "ButAna Gorda is married and she will never leave her husband." " Do you knowthat?" " Yes." "What do you want, Colett?" "Itwas that salvage money that you..." " Is it you who have stolen it?" " No, why should I?" "It's mine." "I'II never get as far as Rio, so I thought I'd give it away." "Give it away!" "Why?" "That Finnish girl, she... wants to look after me, I heard." "Help me." "But I don'twant herto, somehow." "It might upset herto see me." "And I'm grateful all the same, you see." "So I thought I'd..." "I'd..." "I can never get hold of that money anyway." "No, it doesn't seem like it." "So..." "Come!" " You're surely not going to..." " Yes, he must sleep." "I can find somewhere else to sleep." "Have you got lice?" "Yes." "Just think, that swine in pyjamas!" "He might have put out a boat, eh!" "He thought Colett was already drowned." "Well, there won't be any money from Rio now anyway." "Not this time." "Is that what you regret most, cook?" "Hah!" "And how bloody much do you regret?" " What the hell do you mean by that?" " Shall I tell you?" "I know all right." "You held Colett under the water until he drowned." "Because of that Finnish girl, because you yourself..." " I won't forget that, OIofson." " As if I bloody well care." "What the hell!" "OIofson!" "I didn't mean it, OIofson." "Oh, bloody hell!" "I've told you time and again that the consul may not have any money." "Calm down now." "Take it easy, and I'II see what I can do." "If you stay here quietly, I'II do everything in my power." "What does he mean, the consul hasn't any money?" "If he hasn't any money, he can write out a check." "But, Pappila, I can't." "I can't." "You see, some people never get to Rio." " And I'm one of those people." " Come now." "You must!" "The money came ages ago." "We're going to have it now." "She doesn't understand." "What is it?" "It was a mulatta." "She dropped this in the sand." "No!" "You see, OIofson, it's my baby." "Yes, I know." "How do you know?" " You told me." " When did I tell you?" "That evening on the quay, when you came up to me, and itwas raining." " When we had been in the wine port." " Well?" "Well you said you had been chased." " Chased?" " Yes, and then someone rescued you." " Rescued me?" " Yes, and..." "Then he had run offwith you to some old paddle steamer and..." "And left you there on one ofthose rescue rafts." "No." "No, OIofson." "No, I never said that." "That about being chased and rescued." "I said that all right." "In the rain." "But I never said anything about a rescue raft, never." "Not to anyone." "How did you know that there was a rescue raft on the barge?" "Well, there are always rafts like that on the ferries." "Forgive me." "Colett!" " Where's Colett?" " In the Fatima." " Does he have to?" " Yes, I could tell by the look of him" " Tell, how?" " I could tell from his eyes." "That he hadn't had any wine all night and probably not today either." "But he must be sober." "We're going to Rio." "He has been so good." "Colett, Colett..." "No!" "Haven't you any lolly?" " No wine." " I'm sorry, Colett." "No!" "We're going to Rio now." " Later, Colett!" "Colett!" "Does it go against the grain?" "Does it feel all wrong?" "Goodbye, Colett." "Police..." "Colett!" " Are you a member of the club?" " No." "Friend." "Colett!" "Come." " Come now." " No, no." "Let him go." "Let him go." "Let him go!" "Señor, señor, señor..." "Let's give him a kick for luck!" " Have a good trip!" " Kick me, would you, you bastard!" " Help!" " Go ashore!" "Go ashore!" "I curse!" "I curse!" "God in heaven..." "What have you done to me?"