"(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "(theme song ending)" "Well, how do I look?" "(wolf whistle)" "Gee, that's a beautiful dress." " Is it new?" " Uh-huh." "I thought I'd get all gussied up tonight." "You know, it isn't every day that Mr. and Mrs. Fred Mertz celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary." "That's right." "Gee, that's such a long time." "25 Years." "Yeah." "25 years?" "25 years?" "Sounds longer when you say it." "Oh, honey, I meant, you know, being married to Ethel for 25 years." "It's different with you." "Yeah, don't try to get out of it." "You know, I'd like to see their faces when they open the present." "You will." "They haven't seen it yet." "I had it delivered up here." "What?" "Yeah, I got it in the closet." " In the closet?" " Sure." "How we going to get it get it downstairs?" "Oh, don't be silly." "It won't be any trouble at all." "We're going to carry it." "Oh!" "What are you doing?" "It's so awkward." "I know it's awkward." "Take it easy now." "Oh, Ricky!" "It's slipping!" "Now, what did you do that for?" "I couldn't help it, honey." "It's so heavy." "Why did you have this delivered upstairs, anyway?" "Now, please, please, don't lose your temper." "We're doing it for the Mertzes." "I know we're doing it for the Mertzes." "All right, let's go." "(groaning)" "What's the matter?" " Oh, Ricky!" " Yeah?" "Honey, all the weight's on this end." "It is not." "It is too." "I want to trade places with you." "Okay, put it down." "Come on." "I'll hold it until you get down here." "Can you make it there?" "Yeah." "All right, now, watch it." "Now, hold it here while I go up there." " Yeah, I will." " All right." "Wait a minute." "Okay." "Okay." "(speaking Spanish)" " Be quiet." " Okay, let's go." "Remember, it's for the Mertzes." "I know it's for the Mertzes." " Are you ready?" " Yeah." " Oh, Ricky!" " What?" "What now?" "All the weight's on this end." "Well, it can't be on both ends." "Well, it is." "I liked it better up there." "Okay." "Let's trade again." "Okay." "Let me get down there first." "All right, go ahead." "Honey, be careful of the bow." "Be careful with the bow?" "Gee, this is a pretty set, isn't it?" "Yeah, lovely, lovely set." "All right?" "Yeah." "All right, hold it now." "Okay." "Okay." "Take it easy." "Yeah, I'm taking it easy." " All right." " Okay." "Oh, honey, don't go so fast!" "Why did you go so fast?" "Look, I like to go through the door, not through the wall, eh?" "Let's turn it around here, will you?" "What?" "Turn it around." "Go around that way." "Be careful." "Be careful of the glass." "I'll be careful of the glass." "Set it down." "Now, wait a minute." " Wait a minute." " I can't..." "Set it down there." " Okay." " Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "I think I got an idea." "Wait a minute." "Where do you think I'm going?" "All right, push it up a little bit now." "I can't get a hold of it." "See if you can push it up now." "Okay." "Oh, there, now you got it." "Yeah, I got it, all right." "Yeah." "Ay!" "Ay!" "Ay!" "Gee, we should have thought of this before." "I should have stayed in Cuba." "Ay!" "Ay!" "How you coming?" "I'm coming fine." "Put it down there." "Okay." " Be careful now." " Yeah, all right." "And don't be so noisy." "Be quiet." "Be careful with the bow, honey." "Be careful." "Yeah, all right." "All right, never mind, I got it now." "Okay." "Be careful." "Fred, Ethel?" "Oh, my gosh." "I guess they aren't home." "Swell." "Well, back we go." "Back we go?" "Well, honey, we can't leave it sitting down here." "We got to take it..." "ETHEL:" "Thank you for a wonderful evening." "Hide it." "Hide it?" "Open your coat." "Oh, wasn't that sweet of Miss Lewis to give us this little cake?" "'Happy anniversary!" "'Happy anniversary!" "A television set!" "For us?" "LUCY:" "Yes." "It was worth it." "Let's get it inside and see how it works." "Well, there you are." "Now, here's to make it dark or light." "I know." "Over here's the channel selector." "Where it's marked "channel selector."" "That's right." "Let's see what we get." "How's that?" "There's a wavy line right across the middle." "Wait a minute, I got it." "Honey, that's just making it worse." "Yeah, now it's wavy all over." "Let me try it, will you, Rick?" "Fred, will you, please?" "You don't know anything about this set." "I can make it just as wavy as you can." "Fred, it will have to be adjusted." " Adjusted?" " Yes." "What are you going to do with it?" "I'll fix ii." "I brought this, just in case." "I'll fix this thing right away, boy." "I got to take the plug first." "Hey, wait, Rick, look at this." ""Danger, high voltage." "Do not remove this back under any circumstances."" "Oh, that's just for people that don't know anything about these sets." "Ah, here's the trouble right here, you see?" "These two wires probably came loose when we were bringing the set downstairs." "Now, you see this red one here and the blue one?" "They're disconnected." "I'll put them together, see?" "And... put them together just like that." "That ought to do it." "Yeah?" "Now we'll plug it in, and we get ourselves a real picture." "Gee, I hope so." "You wait and see." "ETHEL:" "Ricky!" "Now look what you've done!" "You've busted it!" "What I've done?" "It's the lousy wiring in this broken-down apartment." "Now just a minute, Ricky." "Everything would have been okay if you hadn't butted in and tried to fix it." "FRED:" "Yes!" "Oh, Ethel, is that any way to talk to Ricky?" "He was only trying to help." "He helped it, all right." "He ruined our TV set." "What do you mean, your TV set?" "We just gave it to you." "RICKY:" "Yeah!" "Well, a couple of Indian TV givers." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah!" "Why didn't you just give us the set and keep your grubby, Cuban paws off of it?" "He can put his grubby, Cuban paws any place he wants to." "Stay out of this." "Listen, you ungrateful old goat." "That's the word, ungrateful." "Yeah." "This set is just like ours, and I fixed ours 100 times." "It is not like yours." "Yours works!" "Now it's like ours." "Now, listen, you." "You're going to pay for having that set fixed, Mr. Mertz." "Oh, yeah?" "You're going to pay to have our set fixed," "Mr. Ricardo." "We are not." "You are too." "We are not." "You are too, or we'll sue you." "Well, we'll see who's going to sue who." "Yeah, we'll sue who's going to see..." "Come on, Fred, let's go." "Good riddance." "Yeah." "Honey, look at our beautiful set." "(doorbell buzzing)" "Look." "Thanks for the present!" "You're welcome!" "Hi, honey." "Oh, hi, dear." "How did everything go today?" "Oh, everything's fine." "That's good." "I spent the whole afternoon figuring our case against the Mertzes." "No kidding?" "Are we going to sue them?" "You're darn right we're going to sue them, unless he pays for that set." "What if he sues us first?" "They wouldn't dare." "Now, I got the whole thing figured out, right here." "(knocking)" "I'll get it." "All right." "Pardon me, is this the Lewis apartment?" "Oh, no." "Mrs. Lewis lives downstairs in 1A." "Oh, uh" " Say, haven't I seen you before?" "You're... you're Ricky Ricardo, aren't you?" "Yes." "Oh, gosh, could I have your autograph?" "Sure." "Would you sign it right there?" "There you are, my good man." "Here's your autograph." "On second thought, maybe you better keep it." "A summons!" "A summons?" ""The City oi New York, Mertz v. Ricardo."" "How do you like that?" "They are suing us." "Okay, he asked for it." "We better get ourselves a lawyer." "Look, I told you, I got the whole thing figured out." "Who needs a lawyer?" "We do." "Now, look, honey, I don't want any lawyers lousing us up." "I'm going to do it myself." "Here." "What's this?" "This is your onrehearsed, espontaneous testimony." "My "onrehearsed, espontaneous" testimony." "Right." "And we don't need a lawyer?" "Nope." "How about an interpreter?" "Now, let's not try to be funny." "I'm trying to think." "Wait a minute." "Oh, I know, here." "You sit here on this chair." "This is the witness chair." "This is the courtroom here." "Now, let's practice." "Okay." "Now, Mrs. Ricardo, tell us in your own words what happened on the night in question." "Well, we went down to the Mertzes..." "No, no, I mean in your own words that I wrote for you." "Oh." "Uh, "Your Honor," ""my grisly little story starts when my dear, sweet husband looks adoringly at Ricky, and I went to..."" ""Looks adoringly at Ricky"?" "They are directions, like stage directions." "I put a lot of them in there." "Oh." "They help point things up." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "'When my dear, sweet husband..."" "All right, that's long enough." "Go ahead." ""...and I went to help celebrate the 25th wedding anniversary" ""of our landlords, and then good friends" ""Mr. And Mrs. Fred Mertz..." "Snarls at Mertzes."" "Oh, where will they be?" "They'll be right around there." "Okay, okay, okay." "Okay, that's enough already." ""Little did we dream then that we'd end up in court..." ""before such a handsome" ""distinguished, and honorable jurist as you, Your Honor..." "Lift skirts a little higher."" "Oh!" "Really?" "Go ahead." "I solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me." "You may be seated." "Proceed." "Now, uh... what is your name?" "You know my name." "Please tell the court your name." "Oh." "Lucy Ricardo." "Lucy Ricardo." "Now, Mrs. Ricardo, in your own words, please tell the court what happened in the night in question." "Well, Your Honor, my grisly little story starts about three weeks ago when my dear, sweet husband and I went to help celebrate the 25th wedding anniversary of our landlords and then good friends" "Mr. and Mrs. Fred Mertz." "Okay, Mrs. Ricardo, please go on." ""Without knowing and in good faith..."" "I object, Your Honor." "The witness has been rehearsed." "Objection sustained." "Proceed, young lady, but remember, you're on a witness stand." "Yes, sir." "Uh..." "In good faith, but not knowing they were preparing to stab us in the back, we brought them, as a token of our esteem an expensive, 20-inch television set." "20 inch!" "Little did we dream then that we would end up in court in front of such a... handsome, distinguished and honorable jurist as you, Your Honor." "I object, Your Honor." "Objection overruled." "Go on, my dear." "Uh..." "Start back with that" ""handsome, distinguished, and honorable jurist."" "Oh, yes." "Little did we dream then that we'd end up in court before such a handsome, distinguished and honorable jurist as you, Your Honor." "Well, Mr. Fred Mertz insisted on adjusting the set, and in spite of my husband's repeated warnings-- and my husband is an electronics specialist-- uh, Mr. Mertz reached in and ripped off the back of the set" "and suddenly, there was a big explosion-- poof!" "Poof." "And then Mr. Mertz suddenly went out of his head and ran amok." "And he raced upstairs to our apartment and with a fiendish gleam in his eye and flecks of foam on his lips, he went straight to our television set and kicked the glass in." "And that's what really happened." "Poor Mrs. Ricardo." "Yeah." "I rest my case, Your Honor." "JUDGE:" "Attorney for the defense, would you care to cross-examine?" "No, thanks, Your Honor." "I just want to call a witness who'll tell us what really happened." "That will be for the court to decide." "That's all, Lucy." "That's all." "Oh." "Call your witness." " Mrs. Fred Mertz." " Mrs. Fred Mertz." "I heard him." "Raise your right hand and repeat after me:" "I solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me." "I solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, which is more than someone in this room did, so help me." "You may sit down." "What are you trying to do-- lose the case for us?" "Your name, please." "Ethel Mertz." "Tell the court, please, just exactly what happened on the night in question." "Well... on the night of our wedding anniversary the Ricardos came down to our apartment and forced their company on us without being invited." "As an excuse for an anniversary present, they brought us an old, broken-down, secondhand television set." "Yes, go on." "Well, the set was playing pretty good, which is a miracle in itself, when suddenly, Mr. Ricardo, or, as he is more commonly known," "Sefior Know-It-All, took an axe from his pocket and started hacking it." "It wasn't long before the set exploded, and then, this Cuban maniac forced us all to go to his apartment and led us to his television set and with a look of fiendish glee, picked up my husband's foot and pushed it" "through the glass." "FRED:" "That's exactly what happened, Your Honor." "Your Honor, I object." "Order, order, order!" "Order!" "Really!" "Well." "There would seem to be some slight discrepancy in your stories." "I think the only way we can get at the truth of this is to reenact the scene." "Bailiff, will you go into my chambers and bring out my television set?" "Yes, Your Honor." "Now, then, before we reenact this," "I want to warn you all that this is a court of law." "You are under oath." "And the penalty for perjury is $500 or 90 days in jail." "Ew..." "That's right." "Bring it right through." "Now, Mrs. Ricardo, will you show me exactly how Mr. Mertz pushed your husband out of the way and ripped the back of the set off?" "Well..." "Your Honor... now that I think of it, maybe it was Ricky that took off the back of the set." "Really?" "Well, now that she thinks of it, yeah." "FRED:" "Yeah!" "Now, Mrs. Mertz," "I want you to go over there and show me exactly what happened." "Just where did Mr. Ricardo hit the set with the axe?" "Um... now that I..." "I don't think it was exactly an axe." "It was more like a sort of a screwdriver." "And then what happened?" "I'll tell you what happened." "There was a couple of loose wires in the back of this television set-- a red one and a blue one-- and this dope tried to put them together." "Well, they're supposed to be together." "FRED:" "They are not supposed to be together." "Look at this set here..." "Hey, Your Honor, they're loose here too." "They are?" "The red and the blue." "Let me see." "Pardon me." "Oh, well, just putting these two wires together couldn't cause an explosion." "Maybe it couldn't, but it did." "Now, now, just a minute." "I happen to know something about television sets myself, and I know positively that this could never cause an explosion." "You must have done something else." "Did you?" "Well, sir, with him yelling at me all the time..." "Yeah, he never shut his mouth." "(all talking at once)" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "Now, look, all four of you." "Now, this was obviously just one of those misunderstandings among friends." "Now, I want you all to go into my chambers and talk this over and apologize to each other." "After all, good friends are worth more than the price of a television set." "Now, go on." "Take them in, Bailiff." "And when you come out" "I want you all to be pals again." "This way, please." "(laughing)" "You were right, Judge." "Good friends are worth more than the price of a television set." "Yeah, Judge, we apologized all around, and everything's just dandy now." "Yes, sir." "We are going to pay for their set, and they're going to pay for our set." "Ah, that's wonderful, wonderful." "Thank you very much." "You've sure been nice." "Not at all." "Thank you very much." "Thank you, Judge." "Now, let this be a lesson to all of us." "We must never lose our tempers." "Good-bye." "We remember." "Thank you, Judge." "Good-bye." "Good-bye, Judge." "(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "ANNOUNCER:" "The part of the judge was played by Moroni Olsen, the process sewer by Hany Bartell and the bailiff by Robert B. Williams."