"You never heard of Olivia Burke?" "You know, that "endless knights" series has made, like, a billion dollars." "I have been dreaming of coming to n.y.u." "and just being a normal student." "This night is finally over, and as far as I'm concerned, so are we." "Where's your better half?" "I don't know." "I was looking for her." "Well, I can leave." "It's okay." "Stay." "I'm not sick." "Then what are you doing home so early?" "Did something happen?" "Ask jenny." "I'm still your friend." "I'm still your sister." "I just can't let the worlds get confused." "I want nothing to do with you in either world." "(gossip girl) have you been so busy that you've forgotten what time of year it is?" "Let me give you a hint-- couture, quadrilles and cutthroat competition." "That's right." "It's time for cotillion." "This guy's a foot shorter than me." "Here's one that's 6'2"." "(plastiscines' "bitch" playing) yeah, and he goes to york." "That's practically public school." "Have I not impressed on you three how important tomorrow night is?" "It's my debut in society." "I have to be perfect, and that means having the perfect escort." "I told you who I wanted." "We tried." "Well, try harder." "Graham collins is the hottest guy on the upper east side." "There's like this bubble of perfection around him that we can't penetrate." "Well, you better figure out a way." "Otherwise, tomorrow night I'm taking one of your escorts." "Just like the mob, new york prep schools have their own five families." "You may be the John gotti of constance, little j., but that doesn't mean you'll ever be part of this cosa nostra." "Oh, my god." "Everyone's here." "Come on." "Let's go say hi." "...in disguise, I'm a bitch?" "(singsong voice) I have a surprise for you." "In that case, why are you still dressed?" "That was yesterday." "Today we're seeing the kandinsky exhibit and having dinner at e.a.t." "well, I'd love to, but I think you've forgotten today's nate's move-in day." "We're celebrating with a lost weekend." "I never signed off on a lost weekend." "Do you really think I wanna spend my weekend watching women with tramp stamps work out their daddy issues?" "It's for nate." "Anyway, you'll be busy with cotillion." "Aren't you supposed to be a mentor?" "And risk running into Serena?" "No, thank you." "Though it does kill me to imagine those poor girls stumbling along without my guidance." "Isn't it about time you and Serena made up?" "You love cotillion." "You should be doing it together." "Don't the festivities begin tonight?" "There's a dinner at the van der woodsens' for debs and mentors." "But knowing Serena, she'll probably flake." "Or she'll be waiting for you, apology in hand, and really, a debutante ball without Blair Waldorf is like a tour de france without lance armstrong." "I resent the comparison to that man-whore." "Though your other point is well taken." "I suppose the charitable thing would be to give Serena the opportunity to beg for forgiveness." "Don't get too lost, bass." "a lot of my responsibilities from k.c.'s office would translate to this job-- event planning, writing press releases." "Okay." ""Okay" as in I have the job "okay"?" "what?" "Just like that?" "You make a good case." "Also, I remember our summer relay races at nate's hamptons house." "Underneath that smile is a heart of a killer." "Me?" "Need I remind you of the potato sack race incident of '98?" "I still have evidence of your unsportsmanlike behavior. (laughs) although given our new circumstances," "I maybe have to forgive you now." "Um..." "I should, uh, I should probably go." "I, uh, I'm a mentor at cotillion this year, and my mom asked me to host a dinner at our house." "Of course." "Well, we're here all day every day." "But I'll see you monday." "Great." "Thank you so much for asking me to come in and interview." "Our talk on election night really meant a lot to me." "Me, too." "I didn't realize we were hiring." "Could always use another person, right?" "do you think you can get brain damage from learning too much too fast?" "No." "You're the one who wanted the real college experience, cramming for exams." "I know." "Oh, my god." "No way!" "Please tell me that guinevere will use the unholy grail to free lancelot from arthur's eternal torture. "Endless knights 4"?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because it's not happening." "Those rumors have been going around forever." "But warner bros." "Sent out a press release." "I'll never trust harry knowles again." "(whispers) sorry, guys." "Weird." "it's not happening." "If it were true, I'd have about a hundred phone calls about it by now." "Crap." "I'll be right back." "I'm sure it's not true." "Though it'd be kinda awesome." "All right, debs, enough socializing." "Uh, we have a lot to get through, so if you'll please find your escorts and take your places..." "um, lily, um, as you know, I don't have my escort situation fully ironed out yet, so... oh, that's okay." "Um, maximillian here will, um, dance with you today." "He is divine." "I think it'll be great to have some one-on-one tutoring because I know you have some catching up to do." "Ca-catching up?" "I, uh, this was the first rehearsal." "I know, but, um, the other girls have been taking ballroom for years, so you will be great." "You have your father's natural rhythm." "Um, I'm just gonna get a drink of water." "Okay." "Hey, jenny." "Hi." "Uh, you're kira, right?" "I'm eric van der woodsen." "Our mothers arranged for me to be your escort." "Oh, right." "So humiliating I couldn't get my own date, but thank you." "Well, it'll be fun." "You're jenny humphrey's brother, aren't you?" "That's my new claim to fame." "Those girls who hang out with her are so lucky." "Who's her escort?" "Well, she's obsessed with getting graham collins." "Graham lives in my building." "We've been neighbors forever." "I could-- not breathe a word." "I know graham, too." "I went to camp suisse with him." "I could probably introduce them myself." "So why don't you?" "Because, uh, jenny hates it when other people get involved in her personal life." "I would definitely stay out if it if I were you." "Really?" "Absolutely." "So you ready to dance?" "Sure." "Just let me get my shoes." "All right." "(man) okay, ladies, find your escort." "I want to make her remember why she came to college-- the--the part that doesn't involve the library or waking up with a textbook stuck to your face. (speaking inaudibly)" "I think if we can do that, then we got a fighting chance at keeping her here." "You mean like "the 15 things every college student must do before graduating"?" "Uh, yeah, exactly that." "yeah." "No, we haven't cheered ourselves hoarse at a sporting event." "We haven't gotten sick after a beer pong tournament at bar none." "We haven't had sex with someone we don't want to see again." "Well, no, actually, I-I did that one with georgina." "True." "You know, but he haven't done any of this-- falafel at mamoun's, frat party crawl." "It's for real this time." "My parents, manager, three of my agents--are all flying out from l.a. on monday to convince me to do it." "It's like "the sopranos," but with bagels." "Hadn't they all agreed to give you this year for college?" "Well, that's what I said, but it doesn't really matter." "I'm pretty sure they're on the phone with the dean right now, getting him to let me finish classes from location." "I mean, how do I fight that?" "By telling them that college is about a lot more than just classes." "You don't have beer pong on location." "What?" "We'll explain on the way." "But your college life begins now." "(the plastiscines' "I am down (piano version)" playing)" "you don't know the dances." "No, I do." "I-- i... you'd think that it would be enough to just be the queen of constance, but, no, then you have to be the queen of the entire upper east side, which means having the perfect escort and..." "I'm just gonna make a complete fool out of myself, aren't I?" "Probably." "you know, i-I really thought that if I made the perfect debut, people would finally forget that I'm just a brooklyn nobody." "It helps if you count out loud." "Eric, you don't have to be nice to me." "I've been so awful to you and Jonathan." "It's true." "But I'm a better person than you are." "That's also true." "Come here." "There's only one official dance." "You can learn that easy." "Eric-- stop complaining." "Start counting." "Ready?" "(chuckles) one, two, three, four, out." "One, two, three, back in." "You know, I wish that you could just be my escort." "At least then I'd have fun." "I'm gonna turn you." "Okay." "Um... well... what about Jonathan?" "He's not graham collins, but he is a whitney." "Debuting with gertrude whitney's great-grandson will count for a lot with the deb ball crowd." "Walk." "Well, do you think he'd even go with me?" "Well, he will once I talk to him." "well, then I'll have my minions call off the search." "Thank you." "in the complicated world of debutante balls, one must choose her dance partner wisely." "You never know when a hand on the hip canlead to a knife in the back." "excuse me, please." "Blair." "Serena." "Anything you want to say to me?" "Welcome." "I see." "That's it?" "Uh, well, there's a list of debs and their mentors on the coffee table." "You can find out who lily assigned you to." "My deb's right here, right, jenny?" "Uh, yeah, Serena's my mentor." "Why?" "Oh, of course, if that's what you want." "It's just a shame." "You know how I feel about your potential." "Blair, are we really doing this right now?" "I gave you a chance to apologize." "How about you apologize?" "I'm here, aren't I?" "Ahem." "Okay, look, I have enough of my own problems, so I'm not gonna let you guys make me a pawn in your war." "War?" "What?" "Of course not." "Who's your escort?" "Jonathan whitney." "Your stepbrother's boyfriend." "Do you remember who my escort was?" "Nate." "Jenny, when you descend those stairs tomorrow night, everyone there will judge you, based on that moment, for the rest of your life." "This is not like your wedding day." "Cotillion only happens once." "Now you already have one strike against you because of the whole brooklyn misfortune and add a "b+" escort and top it off with a mentor who's known more for her mug shots and topless photos in ibiza than her social graces?" "Okay, you're right, jenny." "You know what?" "You shouldn't be caught between Blair and me." "It's not fair to you on your big night." "She can be your mentor." "It's fine." "How selfless." "Actually, I'm working for congressman tripp van der bilt, and I should get back to that." "But you have fun tonight." "These are probably the last people in new york who still think you matter." "no." "I'm sorry." "I don't want to." "Jenny feels bad about what happened." "Great." "She should feel bad." "That doesn't mean I have to be her escort to cotillion." "She's at the tipping point." "She's not darth vader yet." "She could still stay anakin. (sighs) we have to stop her before we truly lose her to the dark side." "Fine." "But she'd better really want to do this." "She does." "I promise." "hey." "I didn't think you were coming in till monday." "Well, my night suddenly opened up, and I know you said you work late, so I thought you might be hungry." "Thanks." "I'm starving." "But are you sure?" "I mean, it's friday night." "I'll take real politics over the ones at cotillion any night." "joe wilson has nothing on Blair Waldorf." "Okay." "So what--what is all this?" "Uh, 1 speech, 15 drafts." "(chuckles) is there anything your new media relations rep can do to help?" "Well, the speech is about school lunches, teacher salaries and term limits." "That's all?" "here." "Let me see." "Oh, watch out for your tie." "There you go." "Congressman?" "I'll come back." "Actually... you know, I have to finish this." "You--you don't want to run anything by me?" "Why don't you go home?" "Tomorrow you can meet brian." "You'll report to him." "Okay." "Thanks for the food." "Yeah." "hi." "I'm kira." "I go to constance with you." "Yeah, sure, I've seen you around." "You have?" "That's awesome." "Blair Waldorf's your mentor?" "Who needs graham collins when you have her?" "What do you know about graham?" "When eric told me you wanted to go with him," "I called and asked him, and he was totally up for it." "He told me he texted you, but you said you already had an escort." "What?" "When?" "Today." "Right after you left rehearsal." "(sighs) Oh, my god." "Did you text graham collins that I didn't want him to be my escort?" "I knew that if you had the chance to go with graham, you'd make the wrong choice." "That wasn't your decision to make." "(scoffs) I don't believe this." "Jonathan." "Mentee and mentee's stepbroth/ escort's boyfriend, can you please stop embarrassing me?" "People are staring." "Eric tried to sabotage me." "I was trying to save you." "I don't know why everybody loves graham so much." "I went to camp with the guy, and he's a... he's a creep." "What?" "You knew him this whole time?" "I had a plan from the beginning, and I should have stuck to it." "I'm going to cotillion with graham collins." "I'll allow it." "Sorry, eric." "Actually, Blair, since I'm queen of constance and graham collins wants to be my escort," "I don't think I need you as my mentor anymore." "jenny, you're lucky to have me." "Don't push it." "Your era's over." "And so is that headband." "So should I call graham?" "Now that I know he wants to go with me," "I think I'll call him myself." "Uh-oh, little j." "You've stepped on eric's toes one too many times." "Whoa." "She can't get away with this." "She won't." "Now he's found a new partner." "Who knows what could happen when these two start to tango?" "Morning." "Oh." "I see the moving in went well." "Hey, Blair." "Blair." "Excuse the mess." "How was dinner?" "Did you and Serena work things out?" "Oh, no." "She took off immediately." "Thank god." "Then I had to relieve her of her mentor duties." "Is that pole artist wearing my agent provocateur corset?" "Just make sure she's careful undoing the eyehooks." "They pinch." "I just came to grab a dress for tonight." "The last time I saw Blair that freakishly calm... was when Serena left for boarding school." "And you know as well as I do, the calm won't last." "And when it breaks, there are going to be pieces of Blair all over the wall." "And I really don't want to clean up that mess." "What are she and Serena fighting about this time?" "Basically how each one loves the other more than the other loves her." "Can you even fight about that?" "You might want to ring housekeeping." "Chocolate leaves a stain." "toodles." "Hey." "I didn't realize you were here." "Yeah, I'm just about to take off." "I was leaving you a note to check out this new press release." "I'm sure it's fine." "Just show it to brian when he gets back." "Okay." "Did I do something wrong?" "No, I just-- I don't have time to chat." "Um, I'm at work, Serena." "But you're-- you're just acting like you don't really want me here or something." "That's not it." "Well, what then?" "(sighs) this was a huge mistake." "What was?" "Hiring me?" "Tripp, I'm sorry, but you're--you're the one who asked me to come in for the interview." "If you didn't want me working here, then why would you do that?" "I did want you here." "I find you smart and charming, and I wanted to help you out." "But having you here?" "I didn't realize how much it would affect me." "Say something." "sorry." "Um... (normal voice) you know what?" "Don't worry about me." "It's not gonna be a problem." "I have to go." "Serena, wait." "Please." "It's--it's fine." "Excuse me." "(kira) I don't understand." "How can you make me queen?" "Simple." "To become queen, you must take down the queen." "But I want to be jenny's friend." "Kira, let me tell you a story." "I used to have a friend like jenny." "She was beautiful, fabulous, and she let me make all these sacrifices for her." "And you know what I got back in that investment?" "Zero." "Because girls like her run emotional ponzI schemes." "Serena will never like you the way you like her." "You mean jenny." "Details." "Now are you ready to be queen, or do I need to find a new frog?" "We hear jenny humphrey has landed graham collins as her escort." "Better put on that lip gloss, ladies." "Look like you'll be kissing jenny humphrey's ring by the end of the night." "Good-bye, jenny from brooklyn." "on three." "One, two three!" "Whoo!" "oh, god." "Mmm." "Ugh." "This is even more amazing than dancing in the fountain." "I'll be right back." "Um, don't do any mind-altering substances without me." "Okay." "All right." "you know, I think this is gonna work." "Really?" "It's gonna-- yeah, she's gonna--what?" "I knew you were trouble, humphrey." "You're trying to get Olivia to abandon her calling as queen of the undead." "You don't think morgana could take over camelot?" "Vanessa, d-- Sorry." "But lancelot wouldn't let that happen, would he?" "If the realm falls into the wrong hands, it's on your head." "He means you can kiss your credit rating good-bye. (mouths word) nice v-neck." "Thank you for coming." "That's-- those are your people." "Shut up." "Who's ready for a keg stand?" "I have to take the movie." "Even I have to admit-- this may just be my makeover swan song." "And not to take anything away from your moment, but I'm still not sure anyone's going to think" "I'm better than jenny." "They will when they see who your escort is." "But I'm going with eric." "I mean, he's nice and all, but..." "Eric's not your escort anymore." "Then who is?" "you know graham collins, right?" "Graham?" "Spin your partner 'round and 'round." "Look like little j." "Is going down." "You know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to." "Oh, well, it's a little late for that." "You look beautiful, jenny." "I'm just saying, I'll always love you, with or without society's approval." "Thanks, dad, but honestly," "I can't wait to walk down those steps." "So I'll see you soon." "(laughs) (laughs)" "hey, jenny." "Have you seen Blair?" "Um, no, not yet, fortunately." "I'm looking for my escort, graham collins." "He's, uh, sort of this year's, I guess, you." "I'll take that as a compliment." "Hey, have fun tonight." "Thanks." "I plan to." "Always lead with the right." "And no claw hands." "Relaxed fingers." "Oh, look." "A lost boy from lost weekend." "Chuck actually sent me to find you." "He has a surprise in the private lounge upstairs." "He says "please."" "Go." "We've got it under control." "Okay." "But I'm just curious." "You never told me-- how exactly did you get graham to ditch jenny for kira?" "I told graham that what happens at camp suisse doesn't stay at camp suisse." "Little van der woodsen," "I'm impressed with your natural talents." "And we were good long distance, you know, with your sushi pun text flirting and all that." "I know." "It's much easier to be pithy on ichat." "I'm gonna be back next year." "There's too many people depending on me for this one." "I grew up on these sets." "This crew is like my family." "I never thought I'd be sad to hear about "endless knights 4."" "When do you have to go?" "Well, fight choreography starts right away, so, you know, with the midterms over, it makes sense for me to leave for london next week." "So much for the ultimate college experience." "What?" "No." "I have had the ultimate experience, with you guys." "They say that the friends you meet here last a lifetime." "Do you guys want to get out of here?" "Absolutely." "Yeah." "Let's do it." "what are you doing here?" "Waiting for you." "You sent me a text to meet you, and then you keep me waiting for half an hour?" "I didn't text you." "I lost my phone." "Nate told me to come meet... chuck." "right." "going down." "Not without me." "(sighs) can you press the button, please?" "I've pressed the button." "If you don't believe me, you can press it yourself." "Great." "(beeps) hello?" "I'm trapped in the elevator with someone who sucks all the air out of the room." "Send help or I'll be dead within the hour." "(chuck) not until you two work things out." "Bass?" "Th-this is a punishable offense, and not the kind of punishment you like!" "I'm only doing what you refused to do yourself." "Chuck, this is not funny." "There's a single malt and some ladurée macaroons in the storage box, plenty to sustain you until you two figure things out." "So... what did my text supposedly say?" "That you were sorry and you missed me." "Did you text me back?" "miss jane cordelia trapp, escorted by mr." "Theodore davis iii." "miss sawyer harriett bennett, escorted by mr." "Evan jameson jr." "Miss jennifer tallulah humphrey, escorted by mr." "Graham collins." "My apologies." "Miss kira abernathy, escorted by mr." "Graham collins." "who's your escort, dear?" "What just happened?" "jenny humphrey went to a ball." "I don't--I don't know." "Jenny humphrey had a great fall." "and none of her minions, mentors or friends want to put jenny together again." "So thanks for saving me again." "you know how these girls are." "I'm glad it worked out." "(Blair) nate?" "I gotta say, I didn't see that one coming." "Well, I learned from the best." "Good answer." "The other queens would like to pay their respects." "You look beautiful, jenny." "Enjoy your night." "Thank you." "so... now what?" "You wanna get something to eat?" "Yeah, but first I need to stop by tripp's office... to hand in my resignation." "It's just up the street." "That's my girl." "Thanks for comin." "You won't believe who jenny got to walk with her." "I read all about it on "gossip girl."" "But I didn't come here because of jenny." "Were you serious on your message?" "Have you really been scheming with Blair?" "Uh, yeah, i-I know it sounds crazy, but-- so it's official-- you've sunk to jenny's level." "I was doing it to help her." "Although it didn't exactly turn out as I planned." "Really?" "I'm shocked." "The point is, it doesn't matter." "She's not worth our time." "She's not the only one." "I don't want to do this anymore." "Well, we won't." "Like I said, I'm--I'm done with jenny." "I'm not talking about jenny." "Jonathan, come on." "I promise I'll never talk to her again." "It's not about jenny." "It's about who you've become." "I liked you because you were different from everyone else." "You were smart and you knew who you were." "You didn't need to prove anything to anyone." "And now?" "I'm..." "I'm sorry, eric, but it's over." "You were the one who said to restrict our scheming to outsiders." "Desperate times, desperate measures." "And I'm willing to accept my punishment." "In fact, I left a few props up in the lounge." "Sadly, your punishment is going to be an evening without me." "I'm gonna spend it with my best friend." "Oh, and if you ever loan out my lingerie again... well... eric." "I thought maybe you bailed." "Did you see it?" "It was awesome." "I really showed Blair." "She even admitted it herself." "Yeah, you really showed her." "Hey, look," "I'm sorry about Jonathan becoming collateral damage." "But you understand, right?" "I had no choice." "And you did lie to me." "Oh, a bunch of us are going to serafina." "You wanna come?" "Go celebrate with your friends." "okay." "You know, you really put yourself on the radar tonight." "Better not make that mistake again, or you'll pay for real." "she can threaten me all she wants." "I'm not going back to social oblivion." "Don't worry." "Next time we take jenny down, it'll be for good." "Some people think that when the party ends, the night is over." "But I've found it's when the music stops and the lights come up that the real trouble begins." "Hi." "I'm glad you came." "I want to apologize." "I shouldn't have said anything." "No, I'm--I'm glad you did." "But I don't think it's a good idea for me to work for you anymore." "I actually came here to say that I quit." "I completely understand why you'd want to quit after what I said today." "But don't throw this away, Serena." "You deserve this opportunity." "And I want you there." "For whatever reason, I trust you, and I don't have many people I can say that about in my work or my life." "Yeah, i, uh..." "I feel the same way." "And I promise to never cross that line." "We're both adults." "We'll just agree to keep things friendly and professional." "Okay." "Friendly and professional." "(laughs) plus, I still owe you for the injury." "Yeah. (chuckles)" "Serena!" "I mean, Serena, there you are." "May I speak to you alone for a moment, please?" "Hey, tripp." "Blair, it's okay." "I'll call you tomorrow." "I'm..." "I'm fine." "I can see that." "I'm sorry." "She's a little... did you even..." "I still really don't get how these events work." "One chance, two chances." "Jonathan, graham, nate." "(laughs)" "(laughs) even i can't explain that one." "But I don't think I've seen jenny this happy... ahh." "Since she was 8 and made her first dress." "Thanks, lil." "I know the committee didn't make it easy for you to let in a humphrey from brooklyn." "Well, what kind of parents would we be if we didn't do what we could to make our children happy?" "Mmm." "Coming to bed?" "Mm, yeah, in a minute." "Uh, vanya said there's something to sign from bass industries." "Okay." "Yeah." "Mm." "You better get your beauty rest now, because it looks like things could get ugly in the morning." "XOXO, Gossip Girl."