"Come here, you venomous brute!" " (Squealing)" "Ouch!" "(Squealing continues )" " You beast!" "Good pig." "Good piggy." "Sit." "(Squealing)" "(Squealing)" "You rotten old cow." "You don't know administering agent from a knacker." "Bad luck." "I hope it hurts like hell!" "Have you done her?" " I'm afraid not, Mr Dent." "I didn't bring the right instruments with me." "That's what Mr Farnon said." "You're a right mess, lad." " The pain's making her irritable." "She moved a bit fast when I looked at the ear." "Mr Farnon said that, too." "(Pig grunting)" " Did he?" "I'll call back in a day or so." "Not serious." "An aural haematoma." "Aye, so he told me." "I'll be getting along." "Don't worry about her, Mr Dent." "I won't." "You can do the worrying." "My assistant had the head rope and Ransom was hauling on the tail like a tug-of-war." "There I was, with my knife, trying to goad this damn great stallion." "Good God." "What the hell's that?" "Me." " It certainly is." "What've you been up to?" " Dent's pig's ear." "Yes, of course!" "You know Felicity, don't you?" "Oh, yes." "Nice to see you." " No bother, I trust?" "Some." " But you did the job?" "No." " Oh, James." "It's easy." "I'd have done it if I wasn't so busy." "So Dent explained." "I was busy, too." " Always see a job through." "I don't like an animal left to suffer." "Remove that fragrance which doesn't mix with gin." "We'll discuss it later." " Sorry about the smell." "Go away." "Don't be misled." "(Radio ) # Lovable, lovable" "♪ How I'd love to be your one and only" "♪ Could you care a little bit for lonely me?" "♪" "(Tristan ) It's only the bell-ringers' outing!" "(Siegfried) I need prior notice of these invitations!" "Bob's only just asked me!" "James, turn off that ruddy noise!" "As it happens, I'm on call tonight." "What are you doing tonight, James?" "Nothing." " That makes two of us." "Fine." "Enjoy yourself, Tristan." "You mean I can go?" " Why not?" "The forties man." "That's grand." "Thanks." " Don't get beastly drunk." "With bell-ringers?" "Some hope." " Some probability." "Hangovers impair efficiency." "You've had too many lately." "Don't make it too late a night." "Tomorrow looks very busy." "I'll personify moderation." "Tomorrow I'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed." "Any beer?" " Help yourself." "James?" " Yes, thanks." "I saw Helen with Richard Edmundson earlier." "What did they have to say?" "I didn't speak to them." "They just swept by in his Bentley." "So what about it?" " Nothing, really." "But it's the third time in ten days I've seen them together." "Do you think he's making a play for her?" "The country turns empty minds into bad village gossips." "Absolute rubbish." "Helen's attractive." "It's intelligent speculation." " It's idle speculation." "Who Helen chooses to go out with is no concern of ours." "Helen who?" " Alderson." "Did you meet her when you plastered her father's calf leg?" "Richard Edmundson?" " Owns the Yorkshire Echo." "Took it over when his old man died a few years back." "Very good fellow." "Who wrote this rubbish?" "The girls go potty about him and their mothers cheer them on." "What's so special about him?" " The obvious things." "Handsome, witty, charming, man of the world with pots of money." "The way women look at these things, he is a damn good catch." "He hasn't been caught yet." "Who's speculating now?" "I was simply expressing a personal opinion." "I'll express another one " "I think that Helen could land him if she set her mind on it." "What's biting you, James?" " Nothing." "Why?" "Good Lord." "It can't be." "Not already." "What are you drivelling about?" " I detect the symptoms." "James, you may safely confide in your Uncle Tristan." "Have you fallen for the delectable Helen?" "Don't be an ass." "I only set eyes on her once." "These things can happen, James." "It's what the French call coup de fou." "No need to be shy with us." "I admire your taste." "Set your sights high." "Hear!" "Hear!" "I must love you and leave Can't keep the bell-ringers waiting." "Don't forget what I told you." " Brother, as though I could." "Hm?" "(Ticking)" "(Phone )" "(Ringing continues )" "Hello?" "No, this is James Herriot." "Oh, hello, Mr Cooper." "What's the trouble?" "I see." "Yes, I see No, that's quite all right." "I'll get out there as quickly as I can." "Bye." "What did he want?" "A cow's collapsed in a beck." "Milk fever, he thinks." "At this time." "Can you cope?" "Of course." " Thank you." "Tristan isn't back yet." " What?" "His bed hasn't been slept in." "Good Lord." "Do you think they've had an accident?" "I know exactly the sort of accident he's had." "I shall see to it personally that his recovery is prolonged and painful." "Yes." "Well, I'd better be off." "Yes, all right, James." "See you at breakfast." "(Cock crows )" "Tristan?" "What on earth are you doing?" " Do not shout, my friend." "I am whispering, you idiot." " Don't rebuke me." "I am the victim of a hideous conspiracy." "Blasted bell-ringers." "They've no sense of restraint - none at all." "Just because it's an outing, nothing but grandsire triples." "When did you get back?" " I've no idea." "Hours ago." "I'm freezing to death." "I didn't dare knock you up." "You've got a key." " Forgot it." "Brilliant." "Siegfried's going to skin you alive." "Now get out." "I'm off on a job." "He mustn't know." "You wouldn't give your friend away?" "Bad luck." "He already knows." "He knows?" "Hm." "He came down when the phone rang." "That's that." "I've always liked you, James." "Don't think too badly of me when I'm gone." "God!" "You've been sick all over the passenger seat!" "Have I?" " Yes, you bloody have!" "That's very inconsiderate of me." "I apologise." "Can I go into the house now, please?" "Thank you." "Hello, old chap." "Had a good night?" "Are we too late?" "She's dead, isn't she?" "She's pretty far gone." "There may still be some life in her." "I hope so." "That's one of my best milkers." "Always happens to the good'uns." " It does with milk fever." "Give me my bag, Ernie." "Can you do owt?" " I'll inject calcium." "Hold that for me, will you?" "I reckon she's gone." "She hasn't gone." "She's still with us." "Her heartbeat's there." "It's getting stronger." "You're just hearing things." " Yes." "The right things." "We'll give her a few minutes and then we'll try and roll her onto her chest." "Mr Herriot." "Where have you been?" "Up to my middle in a beck rescuing a cow." "It's you that needs rescuing." "Here." " What's that?" "Cooking brandy." "You get that inside you." "Thanks, Mrs Hall." "Oh, gosh, that's marvellous." "Well, it might stop you getting pneumonia." "Just about." "I can't even feel my feet." "Oh, by the way... sausages." "Sausages?" " Present from Mr Cooper." "What, not Dan Cooper?" "That old skinflint!" "What will the world come to next?" "I thought it was very decent of him." "A small gesture of his appreciations." "For services rendered?" " That sort of thing, yes." "If his wife made them, they won't be bad." "Get them things off and finish your tea." "The water's hot for once." "Take a hot bath before breakfast." "These sausages are perfection." "You're missing out, Tristan." " I don't want to know." "They're a present from Dan Cooper?" " A small token of his appreciation." ""A token of my appreciation." I'd like to have heard that." "He didn't say that." "Last week, they killed a pig." "No pig was ever killed in better cause." "You're saying these sausages are a spontaneous reward for your services?" "Aren't they?" " James, as a Scotsman, you have much to learn about the Yorkshireman." "Sausages cost six pence a pound." "Dan gave you three." "Less because it was his own pig." "I know his mind." "Generosity doesn't come into it." "He knows the long-term effects of this gift." "What long-term effects?" " "Decent fellow, Dan Cooper." ""Those marvellous sausages." "We'll knock a quid off his bill."" "That's how he thinks our minds work." "Well, mine doesn't." "Shame, isn't it?" "Great Scott, I will knock a quid off his bill." "What are you on about now?" "He has given me a brilliant idea one with far-reaching consequences." "Why didn't I think of it before?" "What is it?" " Pigs." "Pigs." "We've an old sty in the garden, a boiler for the swill." "Why spend good money at the grocers for bacon and sausages when with a small outlay, we can have our own for free?" "It's an idea." " A rotten one." "You're daft." "Pigs are time-consuming." "You don't know what you're taking on." "I'm not taking anything on, you are." "What?" " Do I have to spell it out?" "After last night, I've shown remarkable restraint." "You said you'd be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at breakfast." "You should see yourself as James and I see you now." "(Siegfried) You're becoming a drunken, idle shirker." "That's not fair!" "I feed, water and groom that mare of yours." "It's hardly a labour of Hercules - not even enough to keep you out of mischief." "I'm thinking of you." "I'll buy seven." "You'll be their swineherd." "Save your breath." "Seven is the perfect number." "We'll sell six and keep the seventh." "I'll teach you to slaughter it." "You can already do a postmortem." "That's the marvellous thing about a pig - there's no waste." "Meat for roasting, bacon for curing, buckets of lard, blood for black puddings, trotters, brawn and you use the intestines for sausage skins." "That's what he needs, James, a new interest in life - or death - depending how it takes you." "Oh, well." "Let the day unfold." "Isn't it going to be busy?" " Why do you say that?" "You said last night..." " James, sometimes you don't listen." "It's the joy of our trade, isn't it?" "Things just build up." "You start by putting your feet up and end being rushed off them." "(Phone )" "Oh." "What's your programme?" "Another crack at Dent's pig's ear." "Good." "You do that." " It really needs two." "Nonsense." "It's simple." " The job is but she's vicious." "Really?" "I didn't get that impression." "Get Dent to give you a hand." "Good morning, Miss Harbottle." "You're early." "It's past nine, Mr Farnon." "I just answered the phone." "And?" "Mr Heaton." "Dead sheep." "He'd like a postmortem." "Is he still on the line?" " Yes." "Tell him, will you, we'll be out in about half an hour?" "Very well." " Thank you." "We?" " Yes, I'd like you to come." "I gather they teach you a pretty hot postmortem procedure?" "I'd like to see you in action." " Fine." "Come on, then." "What about Dent's sow?" " Oh, to hell with Dent's sow." "Come on, boys." "What on earth are you doing upstairs?" "Where are you going?" "Heaton's is that way." "Not Heaton's, James." "Seaton's." "Miss Harbottle said we were..." " Seaton's." "I promise you..." " I am not hard of hearing." "She said Seaton's clearly and distinctly, as I did now." "Sometimes, you just don't listen." "Stay there, dogs." "Damn, I didn't bring my PM knife." "Have you got yours?" "Afraid not." " No problem." "They'll lend us one." "Hello!" "(Siegfried) Hello!" "Mr Farnon, what a nice surprise." "Mr Herriot too." "I need a carving knife." " A carving knife?" "Yes, Mrs Seaton." "A sharp carving knife, please." "Sorry." "Yes, of course." "Just a minute." "This is no good." "It's got to be really sharp." "It's my best carver." " I don't care what it is." "Have you got a steel?" "Thank you." "Where's your husband?" "He's out... in the field somewhere." "We'll just have to manage alone." "Where's the sheep?" "Sheep?" "I'm a busy man." "You've got a dead sheep." "Your husband phoned." "He wants a postmortem." "No, Mr Farnon." " Yes!" "But we haven't got any sheep." " Really?" "Cattle." "A few pigs." "Poultry." "No sheep." "Ask Mr Herriot." " Is this true, James?" "It was true a month ago." " And you failed to inform me?" "Mrs Seaton, we owe you an apology." "I can't understand how this silly misunderstanding arose." "I'm sorry." " It's nothing." "It'll be Mr Heaton who wants you." "Two names like ours, we're always getting mixed up." "James." " Yes?" "You really have to be a bit more careful in future." "That sort of thing is not only embarrassing, it gives a bad impression." "(Approaching footsteps )" "Oh, there you are, James." "Mrs Pumphrey was on the phone." "She wants you to see her pig." "Peke, Siegfried." " Don't be tiresome." "She has a six-week-old pig." "She wants it examined." "Tricki-Woo's bottom is playing him up again." "I'm not in the habit of repeating myself, however - pig, pig, pig." "She has a pig." "She wants it thoroughly vetted." "Now, you know how I feel about these examinations." "I'd not like you to skimp it in any way." "Pay particular attention to its wind." "Have it well galloped around before you get your stethoscope on it." "And don't miss anything obvious like curbs." "And take its height." "Here." " Yes." "Right." "Well, off you go." " Right you are." "Oh, I saw Croxton." "You can leave the Austin on your way back." "What for?" " Engine needs a rebore." "It's using too much oil." " I know." "How did you know?" "You've been sending up smoke signals all over the countryside." "See you tonight, James." " Hm." "(Doorbell)" "Be interesting to see how Mrs Pumphrey can ruin a pig's digestion." "Isn't Mr Farnon here?" " He's just gone out." "A gentleman's come to see him." " Show him in." "Come in, please." "Hello." "Are you the new vet?" " Yes." "I wanted to see Siegfried." "I'm Richard Edmundson." "James Herriot." "I'm afraid Siegfried's on a call." "Oh, pity." "I wanted him to look at my mare." "Well, I could come out this afternoon." "Thanks." "I'd prefer Siegfried to look at her." "She's valuable." "Oh, I see." "Well, I'll leave..." "I'll leave Siegfried a note." "I have to be off, you see." "Car keys." "Car keys." "That old Austin yours now, is it?" "Yes, as a matter of fact it is." "Siegfried's given it to me." "You'd better ask him to get you new tyres." "Oh, you noticed?" " We could meet head-on in a lane." "Yes, I daresay we could." " Well, so long, old boy." "Thanks for the tip." "Well, what is your verdict, Mr Herriot." "You are the owner of a fine, healthy young piglet." "Oh, what a wonderful relief." "He's quite adorable, isn't he?" " Hm." "I've decided to call him Nugent." "Nugent?" " Yes." "After my Great-uncle Nugent." "He was a little pink man with tiny eyes and a snub nose." "The resemblance is startling." "Really?" "How very interesting." " Oh, Mr Herriot, if you only knew how excited I am at having a pig of my very own." "I believe that." "But what decided you.." "Oh, darling Tricki, of course." "I worried so much about him being an only dog and this seems a perfect solution." "It's certainly a solution." "I'm sure they'll get on well." "However, there is just one thing." "What's that, Mr Herriot?" " He can't live in the house." "You don't mean it?" " I'm afraid so." "That's a dreadful thing to say." "He can't live outside." "He might catch pneumonia." "He's more likely to get it if he's indoors." "But Mr Herriot..." " I'm serious." "If you get Hodgekin to build him a warm sty and an outside run, he'll be much healthier and happier." "In that case..." "Well, Nugent, you heard what Uncle Herriot said." "If it's a question of your health and happiness." "(Tricki Woo barks )" "Tricki, naughty." "It's for your own good, darling." "We'll just have to do what he says." "Do you think he'll get very much bigger?" "(Tutting)" "(Door slams )" " Hi, Siegfried..." "Mr Farnon, I must have a word with you." "I'm a bit pressed for time, Miss Harbottle." "When it comes to practical matters of business, you always are." "I don't wish to seem impertinent..." "As my employer, I have a duty to you." "Now, if I am to bring any order out of this chaos... (Phone )" " Don't go away, Mr Farnon!" "It's probably for you in any case." "Mr Farnon's secretary speaking." "Oh, good morning, Colonel Brent." "I'm not in." " Yes, he is." "Right beside me." "Will you hold on a moment?" "Colonel Brent for you, Mr Farnon." "Fine." "Yes?" "Speaking." "Yes, of course I know which two-year-old." "What do you mean it's gone lame again?" "You mean, you've had that animal out on exercise?" "Goddamn and blast it, man!" "I left strict instructions to rest that leg for at least two weeks!" "If you will employ a village idiot as your head lad, that's your funeral, not mine." "Goodbye!" "If I say I don't wish to speak to somebody..." "You said nothing of the sort." "You said you weren't here." "I have no intention of lying on your behalf." "Will you kindly look at this?" "It's a perfect example of what I was talking about." "Go on." "Read it for yourself." "(Gasps )" "Ah!" "(Whimpering)" "James, we're going to slay those teasers tonight." "I'm in the mood." "How do I look?" " Fine." "(Humming)" "♪ La dum-ba-da" "♪ Da-da dum ba-ba ♪" "Tristan!" "You can usefully do this job." "A job?" "Now?" " Now." "Certainly." "Charlie Dent's pig's ear needs lancing." "Go and do it now." "You're out of your mind, Siegfried!" "You're questioning my orders?" " About this, yes." "I know that pig's a killer and it's dark." "Do I juggle a torch and a lancet in my hands while it disembowels me?" "Charlie Dent'll give you a hand." "He won't." "The family goes to the pictures on Saturday evening." "Then, manage alone." " I'll come." "No, you won't." "It's your night off." "Tristan's exaggerating the problems." "Oh, all right." "Be the boss if you want to." "I'll just go and change." "No, you won't." " What?" "It's urgent." "Go now." "As you are." "But this is my only decent suit." " Yes, I know, it's a shame." "It's an occupational hazard in our profession." "My God, you poor old devil!" "Bit of a state, what?" "Never mind, bodies and suits can be cleaned." "How was the dance?" " Didn't go." "Wasn't in the mood." "It's all Siegfried's fault." "Where is he?" "He's gone to bed." "He's taking early calls." "Pity." "I'd like him to have seen me like this." "Yes." "At least he'd know you tried." "Tried?" "My dear chap, I succeeded!" "You didn't!" "I don't mind telling you, it was pretty unnerving at first." "I got to the sty." "Pitch dark." "There I was, all alone." "Nothing but that creature - unseen, grunting on the other side of the wall." "I wasn't feeling a bit happy." " I can imagine." "Anyway, finally, I shone the torch on its face." "It charged at the light, roaring like a lion and showing its dirty yellow teeth." "Well, I nearly wrapped it up and came home then." "But I thought about the dance and all those dear little fresh-faced nurses." "Anyway, that was all it needed." "I was over the wall quick and flat on in that pig muck even quicker." "The torch had gone out so she couldn't see enough to bite me." "I just heard a bark and felt a weight against my legs as I went down." "It's a funny thing, James." "I'm not a violent man." "But lying there, all my fears vanished." "Before I knew what I was doing," "I was on my feet booting her ass around the sty." "That's what's so extraordinary!" "She was a coward at heart." "She showed no fight." "Good for you, Tris." " Oh, yes." "Gave my poor, battered ego a big boost." "What about the ear?" "How did you open the haematoma?" "It was no problem." " Oh." "While I was chasing her, she crashed into the wall." "The thing burst itself." "It made a beautiful job." "Good morning, Siegfried." " Kippers cooked in butter - one of the more exquisite culinary fragrances." "The Austin needs a new set of tyres." "In whose opinion?" " Richard Edmundson." "You don't even know the man." "I do now." "I had a puncture." "He virtually predicted it." "What infernal nerve!" "I think he's running a road safety campaign in his paper." "Anyway, he said tyres like that were dangerous and asked me to pass the message on." "So I have." "He's a menace - too big for his boots." "Just because he owns a local rag he chucks his weight around." "I'll give him new tyres when I see him." "I didn't take to him either." "A condescending chap." "Yes, he is." "He hasn't heard the last of this, I can tell you." "Siegfried, you're going to love this." "Did you lance that ear?" " Oh, it was no bother at all." "Listen." "This is addressed to Mr Tristan Farnon." "It's not esquire, mark you." "Never mind." ""Dear Mr Farnon, in view of your brother's unspeakable behaviour," ""I cannot bring myself to communicate with him directly." ""The meaning of the word 'gentleman' is unknown to him." ""If you'll be so good as to inform him that as of this date," ""I am no longer in his employment." "Yours, Winifred Harbottle."" "You've got a nerve." "Fancy goosing the Harbottle." "I find that remark in extraordinarily bad taste." "Did you say..." "Do you mean..." "she's not returning here?" "It's fairly obvious, isn't it?" "Oh, what a beautiful morning." "James, my boy, it's a wonderful day!" "Come on, dogs!" "Come on!" "♪ Hallelujah!" "Hallelujah!" "♪ Hallelujah!" "Hallelujah!" "Hal-le-lu-jah" "♪ La la la, ba-ba ba-ba ba la!" "♪" "Well, my brother's out on a job, Mr Crump." "No, I really couldn't say." "Our secretary's indisposed, so I'm on duty here." "Mr Herriot could come." "Right, fine." "I'll tell him." "Goodbye." "What was it?" " Nothing you can't handle." "Crump's mare." " Right." "I'll be off." "Oh, James?" " Yes?" "Helen Alderson." " What about her?" "I've not been idle on your behalf." "I've made enquiries." "You haven't!" " Calm yourself." "My second name is diplomacy." "I've come up with a very useful lead." "What is it?" " You're a classical music addict." "Mildly." "Why?" " So is she." "She's a member of the Darrowby Music Society." "Every Tuesday, rain or shine, they meet in the village hall." "You should become a member of it." " Thank you, Tristan." "I am not ungrateful." "That's it, Mr Crump." " In here." "Oh, thanks." "It's a right funny thing, Mr Herriot" " It always happens over a weekend." "It's Monday Morning Disease." " Aye, but why does it happen?" "I don't think anybody knows for certain." "Maybe the suspension of normal work and exercise over a few days." "At least we know how to cure it." "Aye." "Fomentation, massage, enforceable exercise." "That's it." "No corn, just bran." "Back to normal in a few days." "Thank you, Mr Herriot." "Would you like a drink of my wine?" "Albert!" "Albert, stop it!" "Mr Herriot doesn't want any wine." "Oh, I wish you'd stop pestering people so." "Him and his home-made wine." "He always looks for a victim." "I'm going down to see the school play." "I'll have to go." "We're late as it is." "Come along, children." "That's it." "Off you go." "How about that drink?" "You'd really like to try some?" "I'd love to." "It'll be great before supper." "(Chuckles ) Aye, well, sit down and make yourself comfortable." "Thank you." "Oh." " Ta." "Great Scott!" "All your own work, Mr Crump?" "Every drop of it, aye." "Now..." "I think we'll start with the rhubarb." "Mmm." "Yes." "Yes, I see, Mr Banford." "Well, they're both out at the moment." "I was expecting Mr Herriot back some time ago." "Wait a jiff" " Mr Crump's place is near you, isn't it?" "It's worth a try." "If he comes back here, I'll send him out." "Right, fine." "Goodbye." "(Heavy rainfall drones )" "(Both giggling)" "Oh, it's a good year for parsnip." "Now, then, oh, you must try the dandelion." "Oh!" "Oh, no." "There we are." "Here you are." "Now..." "There you are." " Thank you." "Eh?" "How did you find that one, eh?" "(Slurring) It's very good." "Excellent." "A bit sharpish maybe?" " No. (Burps )" "I like a good dry white wine myself." "Hm." " Mr Crump..." "I must congratulate you." "Aw." " No, no, no!" "You know, thank you." "It's much appreciated." "Oh!" "Oh, now, then, you must... you must try this one." "Erm..." "Oh." "You must, you must... this one..." "This one is..." "Oh, dear." "You must try this one." "(Mumbling)" "Yes." "This one..." "This one... in my opinion..." "is comparable... ah... with a good Bocelli." "Now." "I made it last year." " Oh." "I'd very much appreciate if you told me what you think of it." "Here we are, then." "(Chuckling)" "(Man ) Mr Crump!" "(Man ) Mr Crump!" " Interruptions." "(Man ) Is the veterinary still there?" "Oh, you keep enjoying it." " (Man ) Mr Crump!" "Right!" "Hello!" "Eh?" "It's the Banfords up at Hollybush." "Cow's calving." "It's only just up t'hill." "Call of duty." " Aye." "I must be going." "Many thanks." "Hey, it's raining." "It's raining like hell." "You can't go out like that." "Here." "I know." "Look, take this." "Like that." " Oh." "Oh, gosh." "Most thoughtful." " Well." "Are you all right?" "(Both laughing hysterically)" "Bye, Mr Crump!" " Bye, Mr Herriot!" "(Laughing)" "(Continues laughing)" "(Mooing)" "(Mooing)" "(Slurring) Looks like a leg back." "Big, roomy cow." "It shouldn't be difficult." "(Slurring) Could you bring me hot water, soap and a towel?" "(Whispering) Can I have..." "a bucket of hot water, some soap and a towel, please?" "(Inaudible )" "(Creaking)" "(Creaky footsteps approaching)" "(Mooing)" "Thank you." "(Mooing)" "(Distressed mooing)" "(Mooing continues )" "(Cow groaning)" "Thank you." "(Straining) There we are, gentlemen, a fine bull calf." "Now if you'll just drop him down with a few whiffs of straw and then pull it round for his mother to lick." "(Hiccups )" "(Dogs barking)" "Morning, James!" " Morning." "Why on earth are you walking like that?" "There's nothing wrong with you?" " No." "Just a few glasses of Crump's wine." "My stomach's a bit upset." "Crump's wine!" "That stuff's lethal!" "Was it only a few glasses?" " Oh, yes." "Yes." "Just a few." "Didn't you say James delivered a calf at Banford's after Crump's?" "Did you, James?" " Now you mention it, I did." "Hey, hey." "Erm... successfully?" " Oh, yes, rather." "Why?" "The Banfords are strict Methodists." "Grand chaps but dead against drink." "If they thought you were drunk, they'd never have us back." "They didn't notice anything?" " Good heavens, no." "What an extraordinary idea." "That's a good thing." "And now, little brother, I have a treat for you." "(Squealing)" "There you are - seven beautiful, bouncing baby porkers." "I'm a man of my word." "They're all yours." "Thanks a million." "Just what I've always wanted." "Follow me, gentlemen." "The boiler, Tristan." "What about it?" "Neglected for years." "Clean it and get it working." "Your charges are going to need all it can provide." "(Siegfried) Swill, Tristan." "Swill." "From now on, no wastage here." "Every bacon rind will count." "That's cannibalism." " Possibly." "I'm not concerned." "James, come with me." "I want to talk to you." "(Humming a waltz)" "Are you sure you can manage?" "Yes, thanks, Mrs Crump." " It's good of him to help." "And he's so willing." " It's all right." "Oh, well, then I'll be getting back to the discussion." "These musical society evenings are interesting, aren't they?" "Yes, very." "It is very good of you to help with the washing up." "I hate washing up." "Well, I'll wash and you can dry." "Yes, all right." "When did you decide to join the musical society?" "Just a few days ago." "Someone told me about it." "So you like music?" " (Cups clattering)" "Very much." "(Speaker) Right, ladies and gentlemen." "If you please." "Would you like to go back to the discussion?" "Oh, no!" "This part's a bit boring." "Oh." "Is your car OK after the flat tyre?" "Oh, you heard?" " Yes, I heard." "Siegfried's given me a new set of tyres." "Oh, splendid." " He's given me a rebore, too." "Suddenly, I'm quite mobile again." "(Speaker) First, a word about what counterpoint is." "(Speaker continues )" "( # Bach:" "Brandenburg Concerto No. 3)" "Can I see you sometime?" "If you like." " Saturday evening?" "Yes, all right." "(Applause in next room )"