"* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear this same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang, m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at The Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at The Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Saucy flappers in cloche hats" "* Natty chappies in white spats" "* The upper set is going bats *" "You rang, m'lord?" "Ooh." "(Coughs) Where's all the dust come from?" "Don't ask me, Ivy." "I've spent my entire life chasing it." "Mind you, if there wasn't any dust, I wouldn't have a job." "Well, I tell you one thing, rich people never see dust, cos we clear it away 'fore they get up in the morning." "I bet if they saw some, they'd say, "What is this funny-looking stuff?"" "Oh, there's Mr Twelvetrees going off." "Oh, he looks ever so nice in his bowler hat and black coat." "Just like an undertaker." "Where's he going at this time in the morning?" "Well, he wouldn't say but Mr Stokes said he had to come back in time to serve the lunch." "Oh, my Gawd." "My knees are killing me." "I'm going to sit down." "Oh, look, wait a minute." "Oh, thank you, Ivy." "I wouldn't want to soil the lovely chair with my working clothes." "Oh, no, that wouldn't do at all." "You all right, Mabel?" "You look a bit funny." "Well, I hardly slept a wink last night." " It's my old man." " What was he doing?" "Well, it wasn't what he was doing as what he'd done." "He pawned the bedclothes." "How awful!" "That's only the 'alf of it." "He's been drinking the rent for the last six weeks." "If I don't come up with the money by Friday, we'll be out in the street." "What are you going to do?" "I don't know." "Got nothing left to pawn." "Oh, I wish I could help." "Well, you can." "Ask Mr Twelvetrees if he'd let me have a couple of weeks' wages in advance." "You know what he's like." "He treats his lordship's money like it's his own." "Mind you, I can't blame my old man." " Ivy..." " Mmm?" "Do you know what my idea of heaven is?" "Get down the Red Lion on a Saturday night, line up the stout, someone on the old Joanna and er...you slowly get that lovely warm feeling inside." "Mind you, someone might have to carry you home." "But what's it matter?" "Mabel, are you going to finish laying the fire?" "Oh...yeah." "Good morning, m'lady." "Sorry to drag you out here, James, but as this is the house you'd be expected to run, you'd better have a look at it." "It was really no trouble, m'lady." "It's only 36 minutes from Waterloo." "That's what I like about you, James." "You're so precise...and accurate." "Thank you, m'lady." "Come and see my husband." " James is here, darling." " Oh, come in." "Sit down." " Sit down." " Thank you, Sir Ralph." "Sacked the butler last week." "Been with me 12 years." "Been drinking my wine for 12 years." "You don't drink, do you?" "Very rarely, sir, and for medicinal purposes only." "James is a very upright character." "Aren't you, James?" "I like to think so, m'lady." "My wife and I are thinking of spending more time down here." "Especially if we can get the right staff." "We've got the usual housemaids, a cook, but we want a good butler to help my wife pull them all together." "Fancy it?" "I'd like to think about it, sir." "What do you want to think about it for?" "Well, I feel I owe Lord Meldrum a certain loyalty, sir." "It's promotion, man." "You'll get a lot more money." "You want to get on, don't you?" "Yes, of course." "My wife'll show you round and tell you what's expected of you." "Yes, of course, darling." "This way, James." "Don't forget to show him the room he'll sleep in." "Righto, darling." "(Sobbing)" "Haven't you got a handkerchief, Poppy?" "No." " A little more rice pudding, m'lord?" " No." "Anyone want any more rice pudding?" " No." " No." "No." " Coffee in the study, please, Stokes." " Very good, m'lord." "(Sobs)" "Oh, what a miserable lunch." "No one said a word." "They wouldn't discuss family matters in front of us." "Well, they've got a lot to discuss." "Mr Teddy's in the doghouse because he tried to elope with Miss Cartwright's maid," "Miss Poppy's snivelling because her fiancé turned out to be a thief, a cheat and a blackmailer and, worst of all, Miss Cissy's a socialist." "She'll never be forgiven for that." "Being rich doesn't stop you getting in a mess." "No but you've got better chairs to sit on." "Go and get the coffee in to them, Ivy." "Oh, and talking of long faces, you were serving the lunch like you were embalming a corpse." "Mess up the interview with Sir Ralph, did you?" "No, I did not." "I have been offered the post as butler at their country residence." "It's a beautiful house and I shall be in full charge." "So you're going, then?" "I don't know." "It's a very difficult decision to make." "What's difficult about it?" "You've always wanted to be a butler and you'll never become one here while I'm still alive." "There are circumstances." "What circumstances?" "Lady Agatha was there." "Oh, yeah?" "Measure you for your uniform, did she?" "She...winked at me." "Really?" "In a...certain sort of way." "How?" "Well, like..." "And it occurs to me that she may not want me simply for my skills as a butler." "So...the penny's finally dropped, has it?" "I've been telling you for ages." "Use your assets." "I sometimes wish I'd been born an ordinary-looking person... instead of tall and well-built." "Well, you know what they say," ""If you can't sing a comic song, be an acrobat."" " More milk, sir?" " No." " More sugar?" " No." " More milk, sir?" " No." " More sugar?" " No." " Ashtray?" " No." "(Coughs)" "Would you like me to open a window?" "No...thank you." "(Sobbing)" "Well, I'll leave you in peace, then." " Will you stop snivelling, Poppy?" " Don't be so hard on her, Daddy." "She's just found out her fiancé's a crook." "How would you like it?" "It's her own fault." "It's the set she goes round with." "She'd never have met him if she'd stuck to her own class." "Dickie Metcalfe was her own class." "He just happened to be a bad egg." "Well, I'm not having any more of it." "In future, she has to be in at half-past ten every night." "Stop going on about me as if I wasn't here." "As it so happens, I feel so depressed I've rung up good old Jerry and he's taking me to the Kit-Cat Club and I won't be in till three in the morning!" "Well, after tonight." "You are making very heavy weather of all this, Daddy." "As for you, Cissy, I've had enough of this United Workers' Party nonsense." "You've got to stop seeing them." "That is going to be a little difficult, as I am the local candidate in the elections tomorrow." "What would you like me to do?" "Put a strip on the poster saying," ""Sorry, Daddy won't let me come."" "Well, after tomorrow, then." "You won't get in anyway." "Who'd vote for a worker with a monocle?" " And as for you, Teddy..." " (Knocking)" "Come in." " The lord bishop, m'lord." " Ah, hello, Charles." " Hello, everyone." " (All) Hello." "I bring you glad tidings." "The vicar will read the banns on the next three Sundays and the marriage will take place on the Saturday following at two o'clock." " (Poppy sobs)" " Oh?" "Who's getting married?" "You are." "I say, steady on." "I had a word with Madge." "She's forgiven you, so you can't let her down any more." " Don't I have any say in the matter?" " Yes, you can say "I do"." "You should take your brother's advice." "Miss Cartwright is so suitable for you." "Same class, same background, regular churchgoer like you." "You really must think of the future." "After the first vital passion has been spent, your marriage will be left with a firm foundation." "Yes, bally corsets." "I thought he took that rather well." "Ivy, have you spoken to Mr Twelvetrees about giving me a couple of weeks' wages in advance?" "No, not yet, Mabel." "If I don't get the rent money by Friday, my old man and me are going to be homeless." "(Tuts) I'll see what I can do." "(Hums)" " Afternoon, Mrs Lipton." " Afternoon, Constable." " I'm just making a pot of tea." " Oh, lovely." "I've brought you some mince pies from Mrs Goodyear at number 16." "It's a new recipe." "She wants your opinion." "Does she indeed?" "Cor, don't they look lovely?" "I can't remember the last time I had a mince pie." "Pastry's a bit pale." "She uses marge, you know." "It's funny having mince pies at this time of year." "Poor old soul, she's getting a bit past it." "She's about 50, isn't she?" "She's a jolly sight more than 50." "Henry, see what they're like." "Are they nice?" "A bit gritty." "I expect that's the sugar on the top." "She's used granulated sugar." "Should be castor." " Of course it should, Constable." " The mincemeat's nice." "How nice?" "It's bought." "It's that cheap stuff from the grocer's." " Definitely." " You're right." "Quite nice if you like sweet things." " Shall I clear them away?" " No." "We haven't finished yet." "Get on with your work, Mabel." "I saw Mr Twelvetrees, 7:30 this morning, getting on a bus." "Where was he off to?" "Well..." "I heard Mr Twelvetrees and Mr Stokes talking about it just after lunch in the dining room." " I happened to be near the service lift." " Just by accident." " Be quiet, Henry." " Go on, Mrs Lipton." "Well, apparently, Mr Twelvetrees has been offered a job as butler at Sir Ralph and Lady Shawcross's big place in the country." "Well, why would he want to go there?" "Well, it's the upliftment." "You know how Mr Twelvetrees wants to get on, Ivy." "Is he going to take it?" "I don't know." "According to what I heard, he's making his mind up." "He'll make a fine butler." "He's got the right nose for it." "Good for looking down at people." "What's your nose good for?" "(Distant barking and horse's hooves)" " Your sidecar and pistachio nuts, sir." " Thank you, Stokes." "Do I understand you're not dining with the family, sir?" "No, I'm fed up with the lot of them." "Bally cheek." "I'm not a boy any more." "Indeed not, sir." "By the way, Stokes, thank you for taking care of Rose." "I was happy to do so, sir." "Fancy Miss Cartwright chucking her out like that." "Absolutely heartless." "When one catches one's maid eloping to Gretna Green with one's fiancé, it is an understandable reaction, sir." "Well, I think it's a bally cheek." "Where have you placed her?" "I found her a position in Mortimer Street with a spinster lady." " What about references?" " Excellent, sir." "I wrote them myself." "You're an absolute marvel, Stokes." "Am I to understand Miss Cartwright will overlook the episode with Rose, sir?" "Yes." "She's bally potty." "Says I don't know my own mind cos I got that bonk on the head in the war." "She insists I'm madly in love with her." "The wedding's in four weeks." "What am I going to do, Stokes?" "I only have one idea left, sir." "Come on, spit it out." "You'll have to spend the night with her." " In her room?" " Yes, sir." " In the same bed?" " I'm afraid so, sir." "Are you mad?" "That's what I've spent the last three months trying to avoid!" "Hear me out, sir." "It's obvious that Miss Cartwright is a very passionate lady." "Invite her to stay the night and then creep along to her room and induce yourself into her bed." " And then what?" " Nothing." "Absolutely nothing." "You lie there for about an hour or so and then you get up, apologise, blame the war and leave the room with a suppressed sob." "She won't give up that easily." "She'll want me to try again." "Then you'll have to repeat the performance, sir." "Or should I say, the non-performance." "Two or three times should do the trick." "It's desperate stuff." "But I'll do it." "Thank you, Stokes." "I feel much better." " Now, get me another sidecar." " Sir." "Oh and er...can you take a message to Rose?" " I think so, sir." " Tell her not to give up hope." "They've all gone to bed but Miss Poppy will not be returning until very late." "You'll have to wait up for her, Ivy." " What time will Mr Stokes be back?" " I've no idea." "If he's seeing Rose, she's only in Mortimer Street." "He'll be using it as an excuse to go to the pub." "You know what he's like." "He'll be there with his cronies, swilling pints of beer." " They shut at half-past ten." " Not to Mr Stokes they don't." "I'm off." "Come along, Henry." "Yeah, it's time we were both in bed, Mrs Lipton." "Henry!" "I can't say nothing right, can I?" "Mr Twelvetrees, can I ask you something?" "Yes, Ivy." "It's about Mabel." "If she can't find the rent money by Friday, her and her husband will be chucked out into the street." "I wish I had a shilling for every time I've heard that story." "But it's true." "Couldn't you help her?" "How?" "You could give her some of her wages in advance." "Oh, no, once you start that sort of thing, there's no knowing where it will end." "Everyone, no matter what their station, must live according to their means." "When you're as low as Mabel, you haven't got a station." "She hasn't even got any bedclothes." "Her husband pawned them." "Don't you see?" "If I gave her money in advance, she'd never catch up." "I've got some money in the post office." "I could let her have a few shillings." "She'll never pay it back." "But I can't see her turned out into the street." "She's like one of the family." "You're a warm-hearted girl but those sort of people always let you down." "But to please you, I'll think about it." "Oh, thank you, Mr Twelvetrees." "Are you going to leave us?" " I'm giving it very careful thought, Ivy." " I shall miss you ever so much." "I mean, you're cross and severe and po-faced with me but you have to be, it's your job." "I think you'll make a wonderful butler." "Being cross and severe with a po-face is a qualification." "But I shall miss you." "It's a very big step to take, Ivy, and a lot of factors to consider." "Sir Ralph's a bit funny but I think Lady Agatha quite likes you." "I've noticed how she looks at you when she comes to dinner." "It's the way she looks at his lordship and that young man in the park." "And she liked Dickie Metcalfe Miss Poppy was engaged to." "She's very friendly with men, isn't she?" "Yes, that is true, Ivy." "On the other hand, you won't like leaving Miss Poppy, even though she tortures you with desire and the hopelessness of your plight." "Ivy, stop talking." "Sorry." "So are you going or are you staying or what?" " (Crashing) - (Stokes) Get out of it!" " Lazy cat!" " (Cat screeches)" "Cat..." "Oh." "May I ask, James Twelvetrees, what you are doing late at night in an intimate situation with my daughter?" "(Sighs) You're drunk." "You know as much about being drunk as a nun knows about a dirty weekend in Brighton." "Don't be nasty to him, Dad." "He might be leaving us." "The sooner the better, as far as I'm concerned." "I was talking to Chalky White in the pub." " He'd love to have your job." " Who's Chalky White?" " We were in the army together." " Did you save his life?" "He was in the quartermasters' stores, Ivy." "He's as dishonest as you are." "At least you can have a laugh with him." "He doesn't sit there all pompous and po-faced." "Right, that settles it." "I shall take that post." "Good night." "Oh, Dad, now look what you've done." "(Chuckles)" "How dare Ralph poach my servants?" "Fair's fair." "You've been poaching his wife." " Teddy, that's all in the past." " It sounded in the present when I heard you talking to her on the phone last night." "Very bad form to eavesdrop, Cissy." "You mustn't let James go, Daddy." " Just pay him more money." " I'll do nothing of the sort." "I'll ask Ralph to do the decent thing and withdraw his offer." "Well, it's hardly the decent thing to stop the man getting on." "I don't want any of your socialist claptrap here, Cissy." "Get me some porridge, Ethel." " Morning, Lavender." " Morning, Grandma." "Wonderful news!" "I've traced Captain Dolby." " How did you do that, Grandma?" " Through the Acme Detective Agency." "Oh, they're a wonderful firm!" "After breakfast, I shall ring him up and invite him to tea and then we'll make the wedding arrangements." "How long since you last saw him?" "Just before he left for the Zulu war." "That's a long time ago, Grandma." "He may have changed his mind." "Never." "He'll always love me and we shall be married at last." "Splendid." "We can have a double wedding, eh, Teddy?" "Oh, don't talk rot." "By the way, have you spoken to Madge?" "Yes, she's coming to dinner this evening." " Oh, excellent." " And she's staying the night." " What on earth for?" " She hasn't got a maid." "Is it all right to give Lady Lavender her porridge, m'lord?" " It's not runny, is it?" " No." "Don't put too much milk in." " Oh, Ivy." " Yes, m'lord." "Stand beside her and if she goes to pick up the plate, grab it." "Yes, m'lord." "Well, I'm off to the polling station." "I don't suppose any of you will vote for me." "You suppose right." "I was a suffragette, you know?" "We went to the Café Royal and threw food at the politicians." "I got Mr Asquith in the eye with a lamb cutlet." "So that's where it all started." "Well, goodbye, Daddy." "I suppose it's no good asking you to wish me luck." "Take more than luck for you to get elected." "If you're standing for the United Workers' Party, at least choose an area where they have some workers." "(Teddy chuckles)" "What a rotten lot you are." "Cissy's going to be so disappointed." "I don't suppose she'll get a single vote." "Oh, dear." "We can't have that." "It's too humiliating." "She ought to have some votes." "Then why don't you vote for her, Daddy." "George can't." "The only people who are not allowed to vote are convicts, lunatics and members of the House of Lords." "Look, she's got to have some votes." " Ivy." " Yes, m'lord." " You're over 25, aren't you?" " Just a bit." "Go along and vote for Miss Cissy and take some of the staff with you." "At least it will break her duck." "I threw a duck at Lloyd George." "Ah, here you are." "I've been looking for you everywhere." "Yes, miss." "Daddy's absolutely furious with you, going behind his back to sir Ralph." "With respect, the offer of the position of butler came from Sir Ralph." "I did not instigate it." "If you had any feeling for the family, you'd have turned it down." "I wish to advance my station." "I shall never become a butler while I remain here." "And I suppose the money's better." "It is a considerable improvement on the remuneration I receive from his lordship." "I don't want you to go, James." "You're the only friend I have." "Please, Miss Poppy." "Look, Daddy's so stingy but I've got some money." "I could let you have a little extra each week." "It could be a private arrangement just between us." "No one would know." "I could never accept money from a lady, Miss Poppy." "Especially money I hadn't earned." "What makes you think you won't earn it?" "Excuse me, miss." "I must attend to my duties." "(Door closes)" "(Rings)" " Hello?" " Poppy Meldrum here." " Hello, Poppy darling." " Don't Poppy darling me." "Not content with making a fool of my father, now you're trying to get your claws on our footman." "It wasn't my idea." "I told Ralph it might upset everybody." "I know what you're up to." "You may fool your husband but you don't fool me." "It's a free country, darling." "It's up to James to decide if he wants the job or not." "Now, you listen to me, Agatha, if you don't get Ralph to withdraw his offer," "I shall give him the lurid details of all your affairs." "Think it over." "And when Miss Cissy asked the family to vote for her, they all laughed." "I'm not surprised." "The gentry voting socialist?" "It's against nature." "Like should stick to like." "That's what you always say, Mrs Lipton." "I've never said that in my life!" "Anyhow, his lordship says we've all got to go and vote for Miss Cissy and I think we should." "It's against my principles." "I'm Conservative, born and bred." "But if those are his lordship's instructions, we must carry them out." "Don't forget Miss Cissy's always good to us." "She'll get my vote." "I'm on the side of the workers." "I've known Miss Cissy since she was in nappies and if she believes a thing is right, then right it is." "Whoever gets in won't stop me from being turned out of my home on Friday." "You can't vote in any case, Mabel." "You don't live 'ere." "Oh, no, they wouldn't have me in a posh district like this." "That wouldn't do at all." "Anyhow, at least Miss Cissy will have a few votes." "I tell you what, we'll go round the other houses, I'll get the servants to turn out." "We might as well make a proper job of it." "I'll have a word with the lads at the station." "His lordship's been good to us." "I'd vote for her but I'm not allowed to." "I'm only a little boy." "Now, there's currant cake, cherry cake and three different sorts of jam." "Oh, good." "Captain Dolby has a very sweet tooth." " Do you like my dress?" " Oh, it's lovely." " Do you like the hat?" " Yes." "The cherries look ever so real." "They are real." "They used to be artificial but they were looking rather tired so I freshened them up from the fruit bowl." " Well, it's very nice." " (Doorbell)" "Captain Dolby?" "No." "I'm Captain Dolby." "You wish to see Lady Lavender, sir?" "Er...not much but I wasn't doing anything else so..." "Shall we go upstairs, sir?" "I hardly know you!" "Lady Lavender is in her bedroom waiting for you, sir." "(Chuckles) She hasn't changed much." "She was always a goer." " Oh!" "Oh!" " Allow me to assist you, sir." "Oh, thank you. (Mutters)" "Oh." "Let's take a run at it." "Ready, er... get set, go!" "(Mutters)" "Will that be all, lady Lavender?" "No, I want you to stay and serve the tea." "We must make a fuss of Captain Dolby." "Don't forget he's just returned from the war, fighting the Zulus." " (Knocking) - (Parrot) Come in." " Oh, shut up." "Come in." " (Parrot) Oh, shut up, come in." "Captain Dolby, m'lady." " Cedric!" " Abigail!" " Lavender." " Mm?" " Lavender." " Oh, Lavender!" "Stay where you are." "Just let me look at you." "Oh, you haven't changed a bit." "Neither have you." "How long have you been in service?" " No, Lady Lavender's over there." " Mm?" "Oh!" "What's the matter?" "Can't she see?" "She wants to embrace you." "Oh, I hope she's not going to start all that." "I'm not up to it, you know." "Oh!" " Oh!" "Oh!" " Oh, Ethel, help me!" "He's overcome with emotion." "(Mutters)" "How are things at the front?" "Mm?" "I beg your pardon?" "I said, how are things at the front?" "What?" "Don't leave us, for God's sake." "Your hair's quite white." "Did it happen overnight?" "Oh, no." "No." "It happened over a whole lot of nights." "You haven't been unfaithful to me, have you?" "Oh, I expect so." "I..." "I can't remember." "I forgive you." "I know what it must be like for a young soldier up at the front for so long." "She's obsessed with my front!" "Ethel, put the gramophone on." "Yes, m'lady." "Would you like a slice of cherry cake?" "Mm?" "No, I'd rather have the real thing." "Look at those." "They've done very well growing up there." " (* Gentle melody)" " Do you remember this?" "We danced to it the night we dined at Windsor Castle and King Edward had the hiccups." "(Parrot) Silly old bat." "She might be silly but she's got a good memory though." "Oh." "Oh." "(Mutters)" " Oh, no." " Oh, no!" "Ethel!" "Hold him up!" " I must lie down." " Oh, no, you don't." "You're not anticipating your wedding night here, young man." "Ethel, take him to the spare room." "Yes, m'lady." "This way." "(Captain Dolby chuckles saucily)" "Could I speak to Sir Ralph, please?" " Who's speaking?" " James Twelvetrees." "He's just here." " Who is it?" " A Mr Twelvetrees, sir." "Oh!" "Damn." "Ralph Shawcross here." "Good afternoon, sir." "I've given careful consideration to your offer of the post of butler at your country residence and I'm happy to tell you I have decided to accept." "Erm...there's a bit of a problem." " Oh, yes, sir?" "." " Yes, there's a bit of a problem." "I've decided to take my old one back." "He's been with me a long time and I've got a soft heart." "After all, what's a few bottles of wine?" " I'm sure you'll get something else." " Yes, sir." "Thank you for your consideration." "Good luck." " Everything all right, darling?" " Not really." "Damned embarrassing." "Why did you want to change your mind?" "I thought you liked him." "You're looking a bit forlorn, Mr Twelvetrees." "Sometimes it's difficult to accept the hand that the good Lord has dealt us." "Oh, don't I know it." "He's dealt me some rotten ones lately." "Kept all his trumps up his sleeve." "Excuse me, Mr Twelvetrees... but er...did er... did Ivy say anything about...you know?" " An advance?" " Yes, Mabel, she did." " I'm afraid the answer is no." " Are you sure?" "Supposing I gave you two weeks' money in advance and on the way home you got knocked down by a tram, how could I explain the loss of that 25 shillings to his lordship?" "But there aren't any trams where I live." "You miss the point." "Oh, I get the point, all right." "(Sobs)" "Mabel, there's a pound." "Oh..." "But I don't understand." "You said..." "No, that's not from his lordship." "That's from me." "Give that to your landlord." "I'm sure he won't turn you out." "You can pay me back." "Two shillings a week." "Oh, Mr Twelvetrees, what can I say?" "I'll put it safe." "(Sobs) I promise I won't go near any trams." "I can't find Captain Dolby anywhere." "Didn't he leave after he had tea with Lady Lavender?" "No." "He got a bit excited, so Lady Lavender told me to take him into the guest room to lie down but I've just looked in and he's not there." "It's terrible." "He's pottier than she is." "Well, can I have some service, please?" "I beg your pardon, sir?" "A menu, man." "I want the menu." "He thinks it's a restaurant." "You'd better humour him, Mr Twelvetrees." "I'm afraid we're not open yet, sir." "It's only six o'clock." "But I'm famished." "I had tea with some damned madwoman somewhere." "All I had to eat was a cherry off her hat." "Can't you give him some cheese and biscuits?" "Thank you, Mabel." "Ivy, get some." "Er, glass of claret, sir?" "Oh, yes. (Chuckles)" "(Mutters happily)" "Mm." "Ah." " A damned good claret." " Thank you, sir." " Hadn't we better tell his lordship?" " No, I don't want to bother him." " How are you going to get rid of him?" " None of your concern, Mabel." " (Snores) - (Mabel) Aw, look, the poor old thing." "He's fallen asleep." " Excuse me, sir." " (Mutters)" "Can I get you a taxi?" "A taxi?" "(Mutters)" "Thank you." "Yes, that was a first-class meal, you know, but I thought the beef was a little...underdone." "Er...how much do I owe you?" " Seven and six." " Be quiet, Mabel." "There is...ten shillings." "You may keep the change." "Thank you, sir." "I'll escort you to the street and hail you a taxi." "This way, sir." " A little more Madeira, Miss Cartwright?" " Oh." "Thank you." "I hope I don't get tiddly." "But it doesn't matter." "I'm staying the night." " And you, Miss Poppy." " Thank you, James." "You are a treasure." "We're going to miss you." "I'm not leaving, miss." "Sir Ralph withdrew his offer." "Really?" "I wonder what made him do that." "I believe he's taking his old butler back." "That's all." "Leave the coffee." "We'll help ourselves." "Yes, miss." "Anyhow, Madge, I was telling you about..." "You never told me you weren't leaving." "Oh, I'm ever so glad." "I made a special mention in me prayers last night and he's answered them, hasn't he?" "I think it's more likely some other agency has been at work, Ivy." "(Mouths)" "Now that we've got you settled, Teddy, it's time we did something for young Jerry here." " I've asked Poppy often enough." " Well, ask her again." "If at first you don't succeed..." "We're going to the Pink Slipper Club tonight." "Should I ask her again?" "No, I shouldn't bother." "Give her time to get over that Gretna Green business." "Shall we join the ladies?" "I tell you what, Jerry, in a couple of weeks, take Poppy for a row on the Serpentine and then propose to her." " What makes you think that'll do it?" " I did it when I was a young curate." "It's very romantic." "She was a schoolteacher." "Did it work?" "No, but she hesitated quite a long time." "Are you feeling all right, sir?" "You're looking pale." "Did you notice the way Miss Cartwright winked at me through dinner?" "Yes, she did seem rather eager." "I don't think I can go through with this, Stokes." "But it's your last chance, sir." "I'll bring some brandy to your room." "Thank you, Stokes." "Dad, have you heard the good news?" "Mr Twelvetrees isn't going." "What's good about that?" "We'll still have his po-face lurking about saying we mustn't do this and we mustn't do that." "If I had left, the discipline in this household would have gone to pot." "Why did you change your mind?" "Sir Ralph withdrew his offer." "There's no wonder." "You're not ready for it." " I could take over your job tomorrow." " Oh, no, you couldn't." "You've not learnt to be a human being yet." "He's a very human being." "He gave Mabel a pound to pay her rent." "I don't believe it." "He's ever so generous." "He's allowing her to pay him back at just two shillings a week." "Mind you, I still don't know how she's going to manage it." "I shall deduct it from her wages." "Good old James." "He's got the generous heart of a pawn broker." "(Teddy yawns)" "Feeling tired, Teddy bear?" "Oh, no, not a bit." "Look, everyone, Cissy will be back soon, obviously she'll be feeling humiliated." "It's her own fault." "Fancy standing as a candidate for the United Workers Party in a district where everyone's stinking rich." "I know that, Jerry, but I believe in democracy and that's why I told the servants they've got to vote for her." " Hello, all." " Cissy darling, you must be exhausted." " Have a glass of champagne." " Oh, marvellous, how did you know?" " Know what?" " That I got in with a majority of 61 ." " Some champagne!" " lsn't it simply marvellous?" "Three cheers for Cissy!" " Hip!" "Hip!" " Hooray!" " Hip!" "Hip!" " Hooray!" " Hip!" "Hip!" " Hooray!" "Here's to the United Workers Party!" "Up the workers!" "Jerry!" "You've really done it now, Cissy." "(All chatter excitedly)" "It's the end of the world as we know it." "What will John Reith say?" "What will the prime minister say?" "You've got to explain I had nothing to do with it." "It's wonderful." "I'm so glad you won, Miss Cissy." " Thank you, Ivy." " (* The Red Flag)" "We helped." "We went round all the servants and told them" " they've all got to vote for Miss Cissy." " Ivy." "Good God." "It was on your instructions, m'lord." "(Socialists) * Then raise the scarlet standard high" " * Within its shade, we'll live or die... *" " What a jolly tune." "Has anyone made a gramophone record of it?" "* We'll keep the red flag flying here... *" "(Knocking)" "It's time, sir." "You sound like a bally prison governor visiting a condemned man." "I brought you a brandy." "It's one o'clock." "Everyone is in bed, sir." "You will not be observed." " I can't go through with it, Stokes." " I'll come with you." " What?" " As far as the door." "(Floorboard creaks)" "This is as far as I can come, sir." " You'll have to do the rest on your own." " I can't go through with it." "The last time I felt like this was going over the top in the war." "Come in." "(Groans)" "Stokes, wait for me in my room with a lot more brandy." "Sir." " Hello." " Oh, Teddy bear!" " Oh, you are a naughty boy." " Yes, I am, aren't I?" "Well, come in, then." " You really shouldn't be here." " All right, I'll go." "No, don't be silly." "Come over here." "Closer." "These old houses, they're..." "well, they're so chilly, aren't they?" "You'd better get into bed." "Yes, yes, I will." " Well, take your dressing gown off." " Oh." "Yes, of course." " Do you sleep in your monocle?" " No, no, of course not." "Well, what is it now, Teddy?" "I was just thinking if there was anything else I had to do before I got into bed." "Or rather, over the top." "(Snoring)" " You bally fool, Stokes!" " Why?" "What happened, sir?" "It all went wrong." "Where's the brandy?" "Why should it all go wrong, sir?" "All that was required from you was just to lie there and do nothing." "I never had a chance!" "She helped her bally self!" "Ripped by malgabo Sync by sutyiboy" "* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear this same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "* You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at The Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at The Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Talking flicks are here today" "* And Lindbergh's from the USA" "* Poor Valentino's passed away... *" "How sad, m'lord."