"Long, long ago, in a wonderful time, the sky was a big dome covered in blue velvet from which the stars and planets hung, and the Earth was a big, flat disk floating through space." "Its inhabitants were hordes of bloodthirsty barbarians." "Luckily, in its heart was the Orient." "And in it a blessed land, made to serve the city, that surpassed Rome, Alexandria and Constantinople..." "It was the shiniest, richest, the biggest of all the cities, that is why it was known simply as" "Magnificent!" "Its beacon, the ruler of all believers, was the most profound, most charming, most generous man that ever lived." "Above everything, he was good." "And that's why he was known simply as..." "Iznogoud the beloved!" "There, my loyal Dilat Larat!" "When I get rid of Harun El Poussah, the fat, useless Caliph, damn him and all his offspring..." "That phrase will be the beginning of every books of curses!" "When I become Caliph instead of the Caliph!" "Iznogoud Caliph instead of the Caliph" "When I become Caliph instead of the Caliph..." "I'll need a name that's really cool." "Noble, but fun at the same time" "A name as sharp as a sword." "When I become Caliph!" "Let's look at all my qualities" "We won't leave out a single one" "But I need an idea or two." "And they have to be good," "When I become Caliph!" "Caliph!" "Caliph!" "Caliph!" "Iznogoud the mighty!" "Great!" "Fabulous!" "No, that's not good enough for me!" "But I don't know what else!" " Charming?" " Bleh!" "Izno bright!" "shinning, radiant!" "Why not even brilliant?" "No, that's not classy enough." " Cruel?" " No!" "What about Iznogoud the generous?" "I like it." "Yes, boss, but... then you'd have to give to the people." "Oh?" "I don't like that." "I want to raise taxes and everything else that ends up in my pocket." "But there's time." "Call for you know who." "The wizard you know who!" "So, you know who," "I need a discreet trick to make someone diseappear, eliminate him for good, dispose of him, turn him into dust, wipe him off the face of the Earth." "I don't care if it hurts." "Oh, Iznogoud, the stars have spoken to me." "If you don't become Caliph until the next full moon, you won't get another chance for another two years!" "When is the full moon?" "On Saturday!" "In 5 days!" "You better know a trick!" "Or I'll impale you on a stake." "A frog?" "It's not an ordinary frog, glorious Vizir." "This animal is actually a prince turned into a pathetic amphibian, until somebody kisses him." "It has been said:" "He who kisses a frog, becomes a frog!"" "Who would kiss that ugly thing?" "No, boss, you're supposed to kiss the frog." "Come on, your highness..." "Kiss me!" "Yes!" "This is good!" "Now I'll become Caliph instead of the Caliph!" " How much?" " 300.000 plaster." " 100!" " 200!" "150, and nothing more!" "I'll impale you on a stake!" "Pay him." "What are you doing, you imbecile?" "I said 150 plaster, not 150.000!" "50... 100...150!" "I'll impale you." "Well done." "Dilat, let's go to the palace to the soon ex Caliph, to give him a present." "What if it doesn't work?" "These things often fail." "True, loyal Dilat." "What would I do without you?" "Kiss me!" "Yes!" "You freed me from my curse!" " Kiss me!" " Not a chance, guards!" "To the dungeon!" "Dilat?" "!" "What?" "You see, it worked!" "Never trust anyone." "Finally, I got it..." "Iznogoud the terrible!" "It worked..." "PULLMANKAR'S SULTANATE" "DESERT OUTSIDE JUNGLE INSIDE" "Where is she?" "!" "Your highness, I haven't seen the princess in months!" "We're just friends, nothing happened!" "I'm not seeing her, I wouldn't dare..." "Never!" "Never!" " Maybe in the room?" " No!" " She is never in the room!" " Dad?" "Everybody out!" "Out!" "Everyone!" "Everyone!" "Princess, we need to talk." "I'll wait for you in the palace." "My child, it can't go on like this!" "Throughout the sultanate, even in distant lands, people are spreading rumors about us!" "I know they are foul lies." "But they bother me." "You have to get married." "We're the laughing stock of the entire Orient!" "Being that you're incapable of making a decision," "I will choose a husband for you!" "No!" "No." "Daughter!" "Bring me a prisoner so I can take it out on him!" "Great leader, if you move that slave, my mercenary will take your caravanserai and give your sultan a check mate." "Your move, sire." "The dancer that is dancing..." "Look at her cheast." " I like it..." " Bring her here." "Did you know, beautiful dancer, that you got a butterfly on that ribbon?" "He landed on you while you were dancing." "Come, little butterfly." "See?" "He greeted me." "Hello, little butterfly!" "Pretty butterfly." "Thank you, dear dancer." "What is your name?" "Blue fish." "Pretty name." "Give her 20.000 plaster!" "Careful with the butterfly... 20.000 is..." "You're right, then give her all of it." "Thank you very much." "Thank you, ruler of all believers!" "Did you see how she moved, and the butterfly didn't fly away." "Amazing!" "Yes, amazing!" "Your highness!" "Continue our game?" "Chess is too complicated for me." " Checkers?" " No, I am getting a headache!" "Games bore him..." "Even women!" "We won't get an heir to the throne." " His harem has 249 women!" " I know, eunuch!" "The best in the entire Orient." "All colors, shapes and sizes." "I just brought him 6 white women." "Like pearls!" "And he didn't touch them!" "I love women like juicy oysters, who cares about pearls." "I wouldn't know anything about that..." "Obviously." "But you don't have to worry about losing your job." "Friends, travelers from the deserts have told me Sultan Pullmankar is looking for someone to marry his daughter." "I hear she is very plain." "And very poor!" "Maybe she's good looking." "If she's anything like her father, she sure isn't fun." "I know, but if the Caliph dies without an heir who will get the throne?" " Grand Vizier Iznogoud!" " Long live!" "Iznogoud, over here!" "My dear, beloved, and only friend!" "Yes!" "Hello, how are you doing?" "It's been so long." "So-so." " That scoundrel!" " He's up to something." "Maybe he'll ally himself with Pullmankar instead of us." " Aww, what a lovely butterfly!" " Isn't it?" "A very rare species, I think." "Your goodness, I brought you something as well." "Oh, what is it?" " I don't like this." " Consult the stars!" "Quickly!" "A surprise?" "I love surprises!" "Tell me when to open my eyes." "Come on!" "So?" "I never understood that." " Is it edible?" " No, it's not." "What's going on?" "Tell us!" "I predict a disappearance." "I'm so excited..." "In 10 seconds... 5 seconds... 5... 4..." "3... 2... 1..." "0!" "Now!" "I screwed up." "Dear Iznogoud, you love me so much that you always bring me the perfect gifts." "I'm opening my eyes." "What a cute little frog!" "Kiss me!" "It talks!" "Yes, it talks." "Kiss it, and it will talk more." "Okay..." "How rude!" "No, ruler of all believers!" "Ruler of all believers!" "I can't believe it!" "Hold this!" "Look, it's crying!" "I don't care, I don't like its voice." "Kiss me!" "Quiet!" "Shut up!" "The Grand Vizier has lost his mind." "Dear Iznogoud, don't be upset." "I'll kiss your frog if it means that much to you." "Guards!" "Arrest these conspiritors!" "They made the Caliph disappear!" "Follow me!" "Executioner, do your job!" "Harun was right." "It is edible." "Bingo!" "I'm Caliph instead of the Caliph!" "It's great to be the Caliph!" "Move!" "What kind of music is that?" "Get lost!" "Serves you right." "No, play it like this!" "like this!" "It's easy!" "Long live the great Caliph, Iznogoud the terrible!" "I can't hear you!" "Long live the great Caliph Iznogoud, the terrible!" "They know me as king from here to Zanzibar," "I make them cower in fear, from here to Cashmere, everyone knows I'm bad," "I take it out on the innocent," "He's Caliph instead of the Caliph, and all of you might end up sharing Harun's fate." "Iznogoud is great!" "The new Caliph is vicious and likes to cut off body parts." "Iznogoud is great!" "Greater than a monsoon," "I ate Harun, with pleasure!" "Boss?" "The new Grand Vizir!" "What do you want?" "To be Caliph instead of me?" "Times change, I can impale you on a stake!" "You're dreaming, boss!" "I'll show you who's dreaming!" "You, boss, you're sleeping!" "Wake up!" "What is this?" "!" "I had a nightmare!" "The music was terrible!" "No.." "Don't tell me..." " The Caliph is dead?" " That's right..." "There were dancers..." " Where are they?" " Who?" "How long was I asleep?" "!" "Pretty long." "You seemed happy so I didn't wake you." "Oh, no!" "Boss?" "Just 5 more minutes!" "I got news... 5 minutes or I'll skin you with a rusty dagger!" "Kiss me!" " What did you say?" " Nothing." "Yes, you did!" "You said..." "Kiss me!" "Who's that?" "The magical frog that you know who gave us." "The next full moon!" "That was a dream, too?" "No!" "4 more days!" " And you were letting me sleep?" " Don't, boss!" "You were letting me sleep!" "My dream was a premonition." " Guards!" " But, boss..." "Iznogoud the horrible?" "Cruel?" "Monstruous?" "Damn it, I found the perfect name in my dream!" "What about Iznogoud the good?" "It's different..." " Be realistic, boss." " I am not good enough?" "You're forgetting my inventions, my mechanical skills." "Running water, for example." "I'm thirsty." "I'm thirsty!" "Running water is a great improvement." "Thanks, I'm not thirsty." "Maybe I am..." "Or not!" " Maybe I am... or not." " What?" "You want me to cut off something?" "Unbelievable!" "People actually enjoy getting executed." "Life would be harder if I was Caliph." "Soon!" "Soon!" "What were you saying?" "The adjective "good" is not really suitable, boss." "And besides it's already taken by Harun El Poussah." "I hate him!" "I despise him!" "I want him dead!" "I want him dead!" "I wanna be Caliph instead of the Caliph!" " What happened here?" " Well, boss..." "My condolences, mrs." "El Poussah." " Thank you, kind sir." " My condolences, mrs." "El Poussah." "Excuse me..." "Pardon me..." "What's going on?" "My condolences, Mrs. El Poussah" "Thank you, kind sir." "You haven't heard?" "No!" "Nobody's saying anything!" "What's going on?" "The Caliph is gone." "He died?" "He died?" "Did he?" " Dead?" " Yes." " Am I dreaming?" " No, boss." " Why didn't you tell me?" "!" " I tried..." " My condolences, mrs." "El Poussah." " Thank you, kind..." "Enough." "Of course, this is really terrible." "Are you sure?" "When did it happen?" "This morning." "He was lying motionless in his bed." "I told him a joke, and he didn't respond." " And yet..." " It was a great joke!" "How terrible!" "Yes, terrible!" " My condolences, mrs." "El Poussah." " Likewise." "Enough, enough..." "No jokes!" "You really saw him?" "Are we sure?" "If this is a joke, it's a really bad one." "I impale people on stakes for less!" "Likewise!" "Sorry." "Likewise!" "Likewise!" "May I come in?" "Dilat, my faithful servant..." "Would you slap me across the face really hard?" "With pleasure!" "I'm really not dreaming!" " I'll remember that!" " But you asked for it..." "You enjoyed it!" "Get out, all of you, out!" "Out!" "Everyone!" "Well, hello!" "How is the fatso?" "Dropped dead on us, did you?" "Choked on a Turkish delight?" "I can't believe it!" "He died, on his own!" "I've been trying to dispose of him for years," "I spent a fortune on wizards, fortunetellers, sorcerers, all sorts of magical devices, and he died of natural causes!" "A pain until the very end..." "That's good!" "You learn quickly." " Ruler of all believers!" " Yes, that is my name now." "It happened..." "I'm the Caliph..." "I really am." "I am really the Caliph." ""Good morning, Mr. Caliph."" "I am Caliph!" "I am Caliph!" "Playing dead all morning really is exhausting, dear Iznogoud." "But how?" "Ruler of all believers!" " Am I dreaming?" " Not this time." "What's the matter, my good Iznogoud?" "You have a new necklace?" "Yes!" "Pretty, isn't it?" "Gold and diamonds." "Still..." "Playing dead so I would see how much people love me was a splendid idea, dear Iznogoud!" "Yes.. that was my idea..." "But today?" "Wonderful!" "He shoulda done it while I was on vacation so I'd have a perfect alibi when I come back..." "All the traitors would end up in jail." "He would be dead..." "And I'd be Caliph instead of the Caliph!" "I forgot it was today..." "I'm under a lot of stress!" "Great idea..." "But the people are sad now." "They love me so much." "I'm touched." "I could cry." "Me too." "Quickly, tell them that a miracle happened." "I am back from the dead." "You take care of it." "You are good with that." "Fine, I..." "Politically speaking, a miracle is a good thing, right?" "The best!" "God given!" "I'll tell the people right away... so they wouldn't be sad anymore." "Add a little tension." "Spice it up." "Come on!" "Boss!" "Make them believe the miracle was your doing." "Good idea, isn't it?" "Very good!" "Look, the jerk is smiling." "I don't have one..." "My friends, a miracle has happened!" "Glory to the great Caliph!" "They adore me." "Iznogoud!" "Come!" "They love me so much." "Where are you going?" "Should we chase the frog?" "We'll need more than a frog to get rid of that big of an idiot." "Much more!" "Open up!" "Why didn't you inspect her?" "The princess is going riding." "I saw nothing." "You don't have to yell!" "Where is the merchant?" "I'm wasting my day." "He's coming." " So is the full moon!" " I know, boss, I know..." " There's a genie in every lamp?" " The wizards call them gins." "They are really picky about words." "This must be a big one." "He could do some serious damage!" "I'm coming!" "Boss..." "I'm coming!" "Hey, Dilat!" "Hey, wizard!" "Boss, this is wizard Indjapahn." "Welcome... to my humble cave, noble Vizier." "Shall we sit down?" "It's easier to talk." " I'm listening." " I need a genie." " You mean gin." " Yeah." "Something to drink?" " Thanks, just a gin." " Loyal and in good shape." "Gin that's also a tonic?" "Very, very powerful." " And very..." " Hush!" "And very evil." " Not very big..." " He's good for traveling." "I wanted something more..." "Trust me, capable but small is better than..." "I know!" "I know!" "Okay?" " Rub it, boss..." " No!" "Click it!" "This model just came out." "Go ahead..." "Please." "It's not working." "Not bad, huh?" "It's from Asia." "They are good with miniatures." "Try it out?" "Sure..." "Come on." "Me?" "Well, you said it..." "Are you powerful?" "What's that?" "My personal collection." "It's not for sale." "Rare things that are not for common use." "Dear?" "My 12th wife." "Excuse me." "Yes, my honey number 12?" "Could you light a fire, I have to cook." "She is my favorite, along with 5, 9 and 14." "Excuse me, I'll light a fire and be right back." "Boss, don't touch that." " Should I click it?" " Wait..." "Go ahead..." "What did they do?" "I didn't rub, I just clicked!" "Get lost!" "Quickly!" "What's the matter?" " You clicked!" " Don't!" " No!" " Yes!" "I was first!" "No, I was!" " No, I was!" " Me!" "Master!" " My master." " No, my master!" " Mine!" " Mine!" " Mine!" " No, mine!" "Enough!" "Stop!" " I was first." " No, I was." "What's the matter with him?" "Throw them away, they are hopeless." "No, they have spirit." "I like them." " What's your name?" " Ouz." " And yours?" " Ouzmoutousouloubouloubombê!" " Tell me, Ouz, you have to listen to me, right?" " Absolutely." " I want to get rid of someone." " Kill them?" "Mash them?" "Squash them?" "Untill there's nothing left?" "Not even nostrils?" "Illegal." " You?" " No, illegal." "Well, what can you do?" "A lot." "But this is illegal." " Get rid of 'em!" " Back in the lamp!" "They always ask for something illegal..." "Back inside!" " I'm green..." " No, I am!" "Yes..." "It's greasy inside." " Did I get fat?" " Come on!" "It's too tight..." " Get in, no arguments!" " But I can't, master!" " He's got body oder!" " And he snores!" "Let's go home." "We do a lot of legal stuff." "Shut up!" "A lot!" "We can change your life!" " Just call and we'll be there!" " Into the lamp!" "Picnic in the mountains?" "Maybe the seaside?" "Or a lovely lady?" " Not legal..." " Shut up." " What about a canyon?" " Catch it!" " Not really smart..." " No, it fell..." "Free!" "Thank you, master!" "No, he's my master!" "Free!" "I don't want anything to do with you!" "Maybe you will one day!" "Just call!" "Say "Ouzmoutousouloubouloubombê"." "Ouzmoutou..." "There they are!" "My daughter is missing!" "Generals!" "Send an army to every corner of the country!" "Search every house, village, cave and dune!" " Bazaars, too?" " Yes!" "Maybe she went shopping." "Or clubbing." "Enough!" "If I catch the bastard that took her he'll wish he had never been born!" "The princes' beds..." "Louder!" "Search the princes' beds!" "And all the rooms of all the princes of the kingdom!" "Where's my daughter?" "!" "Don't lie!" "I searched every hole of the sulatanate!" "I'm very pissed off!" "I dunno, your majesty!" " Highness..." " Majesty..." " Great one.." " Your daughter?" "Majesty..." "I haven't seen her for days..." " Weeks..." " Years..." "I haven't seen her for months!" "Years..." " We barely know each other!" " We're just friends." " Buddies..." " I see her around..." " Nothing's going on between us!" " Your daughter?" " No way." " Never!" " Never!" " Never, sir!" " I never even thought about..." "...hand..." " I wouldn't dare..." "... to get into the family..." "Never!" "That's the last time," "I screwed a king's daughter..." " What's wrong, boss?" " It's almost the full moon." "Voodoo dolls." "Is there anything else?" "No!" " What kind of crap is that?" " Cursed feet." "You shake them and they cast a curse." "Not entertaining enough." "Invisibility formulas!" "Invisibility formulas!" " What's the deal?" " Magic formula" "You say "Alakazam, you're not here" 3 times..." "And the person disappears." " Pay him!" " But it only works 3 times." " Let's try it." " Yes, boss." " Money, kind sir?" " Please?" "Thanks." "I love robbing the poor." "And now for the big deal." "Noble..." "A real jewel!" "Come!" "Not you!" "Look at her!" "Prehti-Ouhman, the princess!" "I can tell you like her." "Prehti-Ouhman, the lovely princess." "Her servant Plassahssiz comes for free." "Turn around, sweetheart." "Thank you." "Careful!" "Let's go!" "Lovely, fresh, juicy!" "Kidnapped just yesterday." "A virgin..." "I can see interest rising!" "What does he want?" "Take a guess.." "Am I good looking?" " Let's go, boss?" " He's not that bad..." " Boss..." " Bless you..." " Did she just look at me?" " Who?" " The princess." "She looked at me." " No." "What do you mean no?" "She looked at me!" "Do you see his dagger?" "It's pretty big." "Big dagger, big bucks..." "There's two of them ..." "Let's go, boss." "Lovely and fresh!" "Prehti-Ouhman, the princess!" "Servant for free..." " Come on, boss." " 300.000!" "300.000 piastar." "For the red feather guy." " Cheapskate..." " That's not a lot..." "Don't, Aladdin." "That's the Grand Vizier." "Do you have a wife?" "Good quality merchandize!" "From the wild!" "Not domestic!" "Fresh, juicy..." "Pearly white teeth..." "Servant for free..." "Only 300.000?" " No one will dare." " Jasmine is right." "300.000 going once, twice... 310.000!" "Finally!" " It's the shalk!" " Isn't he a legend?" "310.000?" "He's warming up..." " 310.000, damn it." " Let's go, boss." "400.000!" "I'm better looking!" "Don't forget, servant is free!" "Yeah, we heard you... 400.000 going once..." "Twice... 410.000!" " 500.000!" " 510.000!" "510.000, damn it!" "He won't offer more." "I'll make him offer more..." "Let's go." "She is very charming." "Prehti-Ouhman, the princess!" "Lovely, fresh... 1.000 000 plaster!" "There!" "Boss!" "So what?" "I'll raise taxes." "Million from the front row!" "Going once, going twice... 1.010 000!" "2.000 000?" " 2.000 000!" " 2.000 000!" "That's the way to go!" "Super-lovely, super-fresh!" "Pearly teeth..." "The servant, too!" "2.000 000 once..." "Twice..." "I'll die..." " 2.000 000 - 3.000 000" "No!" "4.000 000!" "5!" " 6!" " 7!" "8.000 000!" "8.000 000!" "Good, good!" "Who's gonna give more?" "I love you!" "I'm handsome, I'm brilliant!" " What's the last offer?" " 1 plaster." "1 plaster?" "What did you say?" "He's joking?" "Caliph's harem, we got privilege." "Not the Caliph's harem!" "Don't worry, he's harmless." "Did we say 10.000?" "1 plaster." "Oh, fine..." "Going once, twice three times..." "It's going!" " Sold!" " Get her over!" "Sold for nothing..." "No one wants an ex harem girl..." "We'll escape the first chance we get.." "He'll pay dearly for that 1 plaster..." "Hello, dear Iznogoud, are you shopping, too?" "Oh, I forgot, here..." "Take the tube, isn't it neat?" "Are you shopping, too?" "Hear me, ruler of all believers..." "Yes, dear friend?" "Dilat, how does the invisibility formula go?" "Quick, I can't remember." "Alakazam, you're not here, you're not here, you're not here..." "Stop!" " You almost made me disappear!" " Sorry..." " Don't!" " What?" "We don't know if works, let's test it first..." "Alakazam, you're not here, you're not here... you're not here..." "What wise words do you have for me?" "Look me in the eyes..." "Alakazam..." "You're not here, you're not here... you're not here!" "I didn't hear you..." "I'll see you in the palace." "Brilliant..." "What's the matter with them?" "My people love me." "Unbeliavable!" "Wonderful!" "The greatest Caliph of all!" "They adore me!" "A real genius..." "Real genius..." "Congratulations!" "Harun!" "Harun!" "Hats off!" "She digs me!" "I hate him!" "I hate you all!" "Alakazam, you're not here, you're not here, you're not here!" "Don't overdo it, boss." "I like it." "That's mine!" "It's beating!" "It's hot." "It burns!" "What's happening to me?" "What's this?" "I met a fine lady, a beautiful princess," "I go crazy under her feet and I am already acting like a fool and he's already acting like a fool" "I met a handsome man my savior, my sun, he fits my every plan" "He takes my breathe away" "And he's got plenty of money anyway" "Love comes unexpectedly... a feeling I never knew before" "I yearn for him, but I'm trapped inside this harem" "Life is strange that way" "Love comes unexpectedly" "You for me, and I for you," "Neither one of us knew that," "Life is strange that way" "Life is strange that way" "To become Caliph is less important" "Lights out!" "Sleeping time." " 5 more minutes." " Thank you." "Women... we're all alike." "I've had enough of their lace and pom poms..." "I'll show them who I am!" "Careful, if anyone finds out..." "Bite your tounge!" "We can't trust anyone..." "We'll escape through the door..." "We gotta fool the guards..." " We can do that." " We're good at that." "There aren't a lot..." "One..." "Two... three... four..." "And 4 are 8..." "They can't know our secret... 9, 10... no one can hear us here." "11... and those..." "And those..." "You called, master?" "I didn't say "Ouz", I said "those"..." "But we're here!" " You made me lose the princess!" " He did it!" " We heard you call!" " Indeed!" "She was gonna reveal a secret!" " Then we'll listen." " Good idea!" "They are too far away!" ""Do you see what I see?"" ""Magic beans and a pumpkin."" " "They escaped!" - "Yes!"" ""Let's escape." "I'll tell everyone."" ""Princess, no one must know that you are...."" "What?" ""The daughter of Sultan Pulmankar."" "Pullmankar's daughter!" "Pullmankar the bloodthirsty!" "What news!" "Dilat!" "When did you come back?" "I never left." " Continue." " Nice singing, boss." "Yeah, whatever." "You two, keep listening!" ""If they find out we're done for!"" ""They say the Vizier is evil, a monster of a man." "A brute!"" " "That he's..."" " What?" "A what?" "What did she say?" "!" "I'll impale her on a stake!" "I can't hear anymore!" "I can!" " Not true!" " Yes, it is!" ""We'll escape when the time is right."" ""How?" "Everything is swarmed with guards."" ""I know."" ""The man that wanted to buy us..."" ""Let's look for him."" ""If it's the shalk, he's gone."" ""Not him, I mean the other one."" ""The short one with the big dagger."" ""Him?" "!"" "Continue or stop?" "Continue!" ""He's short but..."" "But what?" ""he has a lot of style."" "That's not what she said, you're cheating!" "Cheater, cheater!" "Enough!" "What did she say?" "She said "a lot of style"'." "Is she saying anything now?" "You do her, I'll do the the suck up..." "No, thanks!" "She is badmouthing you." "Saying you're a rat with a tiny dagger..." "She liked the tall, handsome one." "True, he is not lying." "Dilat!" "Dilat!" "Dilat!" "Hey there." "We got work to do." "Let's go over this so we don't get it wrong." "First:" "The pretty, young, innocent, but very rude princess, is the daughter of sultan Pullmankar!" "Second:" "Without knowing it, the fat Caliph Harun has purchased, as his new wife that same rude princess." "Third:" "If by any chance" "Pullmankar found out that his daughter is in fatso's harem, he would reward the person that told him where they are keeping his daughter." "Me!" "Maybe he'd even make him Caliph instead of the Caliph." "Again, me." "And maybe even reward him with the hand of his daughter." "Again and again, me!" "You want to cut it off?" "I'd still marry her." "And when Pullmankar accidentally dies," "I become Sultan instead of the Sultan!" "Isn't that him?" "No, it's the other one." "He'll do for now." "Did you hear that?" "Jackals!" "A good omen." "This time you'll make it." "We're trying to sleep here!" "Let's go see Pulmankar the bloodthirsty!" " It's 2 days of riding." " 2 days." "And 2 more to get back." "Too late, it will be the full moon!" " A magic carpet?" " Yes!" " Climb on, master." " On mine!" " Mine!" " Mine is better!" "Enough!" "Like the wise Solomon, I'll ride on one my way there, and the other on my way back." " Fair!" " Very!" " So mine." " No, mine!" "Stop it!" "The first trip with Ouz..." "With Ouz!" " Back on the other." " There!" "It's easy to say Ouzmoutousouloubouloubombê!" "Silence!" "Solomon was certainly not that picky." "For the return trip." "Go." "Be seated during lift off." "Silence." "Let's go!" "To Pulmankar the bloodthirsty!" "6 speeds, breaks in the front and the back, good aerodynamics." "On mine too!" "Both are good carpets..." "We'll talk discuss yours later!" "This one is easy to steer." "You say the destination and it heads there." "Notice how quiet it is?" "You can barely hear it." "Unlike his!" "These should be maintained and changed often..." " Are you gonna babble the entire day?" " Are you talking to me?" "Calm down, keep steering!" "We gotta get to Pulmankar until tonight." "We would be if he'd hurry up." "You want speed?" "Of course, once it's the full moon..." "I got a handle for gear..." "Comedian..." "Hold this!" "You're a comedian!" "Enough!" "Dilat, do something!" "How do you stop this thing!" "?" "Pull the right pom pom!" "What else?" " What was that?" " The speed handle!" "What's going on?" "Not the camille!" " Wrong handle!" " Very low..." "What am I paying you for?" "!" "Well, you're not paying me..." "In these parts, they stuff enemies up a camille's butt." "So you're immune now!" "Take that!" " Stop it, boss!" " Never!" " We're finished." " Never!" "Faster!" "Go faster!" "So I can become Caliph instead of the Caliph!" "Him!" "?" "The Caliph?" "!" "Dog!" "Bring him here, I'll cut his head off!" "You can't do it now, he's in the palace." "Preparing for his wedding night..." "That jackal!" "He'll eat his own tounge." "Trying out all the positions of Kama Sutra.." "Snake!" "I'll tie his tool in a knot!" "Showing your daughter a few perverted tricks..." "Don't overdo it!" "He'll eat salt!" "and drown in his own boogers!" "Your daughter is so sweet..." "Rat!" "Rat!" "We'll stuff his balls up his nose!" " No, that's gross!" " Yes, but it hurts!" "I know, but it's too vulgar." "General Bohl!" "General Eparkreth!" "Prepare the army!" "We leave before dawn!" "We'll be there in 2 nights, on his wedding night!" "Iznogoud, head back to prepare a glorious entrance." "Boss?" "You'll be fine here." "Give him my best horse." "Breast plate!" "In 2 days we'll be in Harun's palace!" "We'll hang him by his feet from a balcony like a turkey!" "And...?" "Cut the rope," "So he'll end up like stuffing in a pie!" "Yes!" "And...?" " Falafel sauce." " No!" " Sour cream?" " No!" "You'll be Caliph instead of the Caliph!" "Yes!" "I love that!" "Not that one, that one is mine!" "Geedieup!" "Boss!" "My lord, your beard." "You're right." "You look more intimidating." "Quick, enough now!" "Pullmankar!" "Pullmankar!" "My daughter!" "That you all know since she was a child" "and that you all love" "Silence!" " Did he find out?" " I hope not!" " What was I saying?" " Cut it short..." "On your feet!" "On the horses!" "In slippers..." "We're coming to free you, my daughter!" "In slippers!" "In slippers!" "Tonight is my night, tra-la-la-la!" "My lucky night..." "Thank you." "Hurry up and get ready!" "What's going on?" "You can't see it!" "It's a surprise." "I know a good one." "The greatest Caliph in the world." "6 letters." "It's you!" "Not bad." "No." ""Me", that's only 2 letters." "It's a joke actually..." "Or that story about the dervish that..." "Dervish!" "7 letters!" "Very good..." "Some other time..." "Pity, it's really good..." "I am looking for my good Iznogoud." "I haven't seen him in days." "I miss him." "Maybe he'll surprise me, too!" "For sure..." "Watch the feather!" "This is your 250. wedding." "And that's important." " What's on the menu?" " That's a surprise, too." "I love the harem, food." "See you later, I got lots of work to do." "Harem snacks..." "Harem fish pie..." "Until tonight..." "Harem chicken..." "Funny, isn't it?" "Watch out, Harun!" "My time is coming!" "Enough, you savages!" "Go away, I had enough!" "Out!" "Enough already!" "Who's there?" "It's me, Prehti-Ouhman." "Me who?" "Me." "Oh, Prehti-Ouhman..." "Oh, Prehti-Ouhman..." "Yes, that's my name." "Oh, Prehti-Ouhman, from the moment I saw you at the slave bazaar I hoped..." "Me too." "Can you get me out of this prison?" "Of course." "Prehti, will you agree to become my wife?" "There are certain formalities..." "We weren't even introduced." "I'm sorry." "You are a real lady, I forgot." "Let me introduce myself." "I am..." "I am Grand Vizier Iznogoud." "Really?" "The Grand Vizier, you don't say!" "Sultan Pullmankar is coming to free you." "Don't ask how, but I know your secret..." "I had a feeling you were my savior." "My wealth and all my power are yours entirely." "Well, why didn't you say so before?" "Soon, all this will be mine." "Everything!" "Diamonds, rubies..." "Everything..." "Really?" "Well, you know..." "I'd love to be the wife of a Vizier." "What about the Caliph's wife?" "I'd love being the Calph's wife." "You promise?" "I promise." "Tonight you'll be free." "Help, my fingers are stuck..." "I hear something, I have to go!" "No..." "What about my fingers?" "Idiot..." "I'm bored." "My 250th wedding party doesn't look promising." "Why do you say that?" "Over here." "Plassahssiz." "Who's the greatest Caliph in the world?" "You!" "Yes, but that's not fun." "I must be missing something." "Otherwise it's all right." "When I finish my walk through the garden, return to the harem, and slam the door so the others don't get a cold." "Then they'd need to be warmed up, one by one." "And that's a lot of work." "I'll head back." "This way, not that way." "Same thing..." "I'm so bored." "Where?" "Plassahssiz." "I'll massage you to take away the pain." "One more..." " Hurts?" " Not much." "I once sat on a porcupine." "It was about the same." "Are your fingers all better?" "Coz tonight is..." "The wedding night!" "You're so fun." "Wedding night." "Am I interrupting?" "No, I was just leaving." "Slam the door?" "Tonight is the wedding night." "Funny, isn't it, Iznogoud?" "Very." "And so clever!" "Tonight is the night, tra-la-la-la-la..." "What?" "Our army is coming?" "They might already be at the door." "Nice dress, huh?" " They'll destroy everything!" " Yes, I know." "And the hair..." "Pullmankar will kill everyone!" "Yes, and the two of us will be free!" "But the Caliph is a good kind man." "Sweet..." "He didn't kidnap us, he doesn't even know who we are." "We gotta stop the slaughter!" "Too late!" "The countdown has begun." "You can't do that!" " Don't do it!" " "Don't do it!"" "Quiet, woman!" "You should keep that on her." "Don't piss me off today." "You stay here, I'll be back." "Soon all this will be ours!" "And now... to Harun!" "We have that... we'll switch." "Hurry, there's the line." "The great fakir Piknime!" "And sheik Vaclav!" "Instead of a gift, I wrote a cheque." "We love cheques!" "Who ordered porcupines?" "Who ordered these?" "There..." "Thanks, that's much better." " Toothpick?" " I won't refuse." "There you are!" "Have you seen Iznogoud?" " What about the Caliph?" " Why?" " Quick!" " He was in the throne room." "I am Ouz, hula hay!" "And I'm Ouzmoutousouloubouloubombê!" "Just don't overdo it..." "I won't complain..." " He was here." " He's gone." "Caliph!" "Is he taking a nap?" "You wake him up." "I don't have the balls." "Sorry..." " What is it?" " You forgot?" "What?" "You're getting married!" "I had a good nap..." "Quick!" "The turban..." "The wedding dance has began, hurry!" "Like the proverb:" ""If the moon is full, it's not a quarter"" "Here, hurry... here we are." "Where do you keep your money?" "Got it!" "Glory to the liberator!" "Pullmankar the bloothristy!" "Are they married?" "Not yet." "Is there any food left?" "I don't really know..." "Take us there, quick!" "But quietly... it's important that you stay completly quiet." "Quiet, quiet, quiet!" "Good thing you told them to be quiet, boss..." "Dear friends, the ceremony is about to begin." "Wait!" "Let's put your armor on!" "And the left..." "Enough!" "They are too heavy." "It's our turn." "Izno, I have to tell you something..." "Who wears the pants here?" "Let's go, woman." "Always whining..." "Pullmankar is attacking!" "Pullmankar is attacking!" " He's not moving his hips right..." " Now you're a dance expert?" "I am the only one with rhythm here." "Prehti-Ouhman, dear, say "yes" and tonight we'll be in the royal chambers." "Have you ever done it in there?" "Well, yeah... 30... 40... 50 time, a lot of times!" "Come on, come on, they're waiting!" "Maybe 200 times..." "We proceed to marry of our beloved Caliph the ruler of all believes, and his new wife, who will therefore become number 250." "250 is an important number." "How touching..." "If anyone has any objections, say it now or be quiet forever!" "We can't feed them all!" " Is the platter gold?" " No!" "Yes, with 3 rubies!" "Chicken?" "No, peacock." "Bum-bum-bum, you're all dead!" "Savages!" "I object!" "Daddy!" "Wait..." "You gotta put on the medal..." "Perfect!" "Help him up!" "Pity, you missed the dance." "So you wanted to marry my daughter without my permission?" "Your daughter?" " Yes, my daughter." "My only daughter!" "But cousin, I don't even know your daughter!" "Leave some for me!" "You don't know my daughter?" "Are you mocking me?" "Off with his head!" "I'll impale you on a stake!" "I'll rip your tounge out!" "And balls!" "Where is she?" "Where is my daughter?" "Hush!" "There she is..." "The bride." "No, no, that's Prehti-Ouhman, her servant." "Prehti-Ouhman, where is she?" "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "What have you done, Prehti-Ouhman, my child?" "Dear Iznogoud, am I getting married or not getting married?" "Give me a break, damn it!" "The party is off!" "My daughter has been kidnapped!" "Daddy!" "Plassahssiz!" "My princess!" "Child!" "Who did this to you?" "What?" "You?" "You simple Vizier, common worm, you disgusting catterpiller... with smelly feet..." "Yes!" "You dare touch a Sultan's daughter..." "So.." "...she is your daughter?" "We switched places in case we got into trouble." "You are wise like your father." "But our kidnapper is the nicest, sweetest, most generous man I know." "Who is he!" "True love, how touching..." "Tie him to my dromedar." "He's my prisoner." "You'll find out where I got my nickname." "Wait!" "Kouz... mouz..." "What the heck is his name?" "!" "So we are getting married?" "250th time really is special!" "Kiss me!" "Cheer!" "Dear cousin!" "But, whyyyy?" "Whyyyy?" "Whyyyyyyy?" "No, no, genies!" "Help!" "Don't leave me!" "I am Grand Vizier Iznogoud!" "One day I will be Caliph instead of the Caliph!" "Pullmankar is attacking!" "Pullmankar is attacking!" "Pullmankar is attacking!" "Serves him right!" "You don't go to the movies?" "Not the camille!" "Not again!" " I have a headache." "Why?" " You were thinking." "That's it!"