"¶ One fine day with a woof and a purr ¶" "¶ a baby was born and it caused a little stir ¶" "¶ no blue bug and no three-eyed frog ¶" "¶ just a feline, canine, little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ out on the road or back in town ¶" "¶ all kind of critters putting catdog down ¶" "¶ got to rise above it, got to try to get along ¶" "¶ got to walk together, got to sing this song ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog. ¶ [captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education and nickelodeon]" "( Birds singing )" "What you making, cat?" "( Nervously ):" "Hors d'oeuvres." "My Swedish pen pal, Ingrid just got into town." "And, uh..." "( Chuckles )" "It's funny-- apparently she's under the silly impression" "I'm some sort of gourmet chef, it's... ( Laughing )" "Yeah, i know..." "I know." "Cat, where'd she get that idea from?" "Well, it... might have been me." "You mean, you lied?" "That's what you do with pen pals." "I never knew that." "She sure looks nice." "( Bottles, jars clinking )" "I can't wait to make her acquaintance." "Well, dog, I'd prefer it if you'd make yourself scarce." "How do i do that, cat?" "Ta-da!" "( Whiny ):" "Oh, no, not the suit, the suit, no!" "I just got it back from the cleaners." "( Grunting )" "I can't believe you even lied about being a catdog." "Some ladies are finicky about the two-headed thing." "( Sniffling )" "You're ashamed of me?" "Oh, now, don't be ridiculous." "That is the... ( Grunting )" "Oh, perfect!" "( Grumbling )" "Oh, fine!" "( Yells )" "( Panting )" "( Grunting )" "You just had to buy the unbreakable plastic kind didn't you?" "!" "Sorry." "It's Ingrid!" "( Doorbell rings )" "Oh, she can't see me like this!" "Just tell her what happened." "Like you always say, "honesty is the best policy."" "No, it's a rotten policy." "I'm supposed to be a gourmet chef, good with my hands." "Look at me." "Coming!" "( Doorbell rings again )" "Look, you got to help me out here, dog." "I'd do it for you!" "( Rings again )" "Tell you what, i-i i-i promise to tell her the truth about us being a catdog over dinner." "Hmm... okay, cat." "I'll help you." "Then grab the sewing kit." "This old suit needs a few alterations." "( Doorbell ringing, dog outside barking )" "I'm coming, Ingrid!" "Okay, dog, come on, hurry up." "In you go." "Right arm." "Right arm!" "No, that's your left..." "Never mind." "Are you ready?" "Let's walk." "And we're go, o-o..." "Whoa!" "( Grunting )" "Perfect." "All right, let's do the belly walk." "Think caterpillar, dog." "Dog:" "Oh, my nose!" "( Humming )" "Hello, cat." "Hello, Ingrid!" "( Quietly ):" "Handshake." "( Chuckles nervously )" "( Grunts in frustration )" "You are just as you described yourself in your letters." "Yeah, well, i..." "I always tell it like it is." "Harrumph!" "( Clears throat )" "I, uh, i thought we'd have din-din at Chez pastrami." "Ooh!" "Oh, i thought you were going to cook for me." "Well..." "( Stammering ) ...in a sense, i will be." "I taught the chef everything he knows." "Oh, harrumph!" "( Clears throat )" "Oh, there goes my stomach." "Shall we?" "Will you keep it quiet in there?" "Dog:" "Quit lying." "( Motor roaring, frequent screeching )" "Cat:" "Watch it!" "Left!" "Right!" "No, no!" "( Yowling )" "Left!" "Right!" "Straight!" "( Horn blaring )" "( Yelping )" "Oh... ( Laughs )" "It helps me to concentrate to sh-shout out directions." "Left!" "Dog:" "Say please." "( Horn honking )" "Please left!" "Okey-dokey." "( Tires squealing )" "It must work." "You were national race car champion how many times?" "Three?" "( Both grunting )" "( Dog growling )" "I was?" "Ooh, right!" "( Tires squeal )" "I mean, left, left!" "( Horns honking )" "( Tires squealing, loud crash )" "( Motor sputtering, clank )" "Welcome to our exciting bistro." "Tonight's specials are... ( Thud, grunt )" "Ratatouille in a zesty barbecue sauce..." "Salmon steak au hollandaise..." "And a filet of sole to die for." "Mmm, the salmon steak sounds yust yummy, ja?" "Yust yummy, ja." "Yes, and i will have the... ( Cat muffled )" "Dog:" "A sloppy Joe with a double order of chili ...Fri-i-i-es!" "The filet of sole." "You bit me!" "Sloppy Joes and chili fries?" "!" "Well, I'm hungry." "And you said you'd tell her the truth about us at dinner!" "After dinner!" "Just help me out here, okay?" "( Chuckling nervously )" "Oh, boy." "( Crashing in kitchen )" "( With French accent ):" "I can take no more of this!" "I quit!" "Is there a chef in the house?" "Ja, ja!" "Cat is a chef." "Oh, no." "No, i really couldn't." "don't be modest." "He taught the chef everything he knows." "( Wheels squeaking )" "( Diners gasp ) don't worry, cat." "I work well with razor-sharp instruments." "( Dog shrieking karate yells )" "( Cat chuckles )" "Mommy." "( Diners applaud )" "( All gasp )" "( All gasp again )" "( Applause )" "( Whooping, whistling )" "( Laughing )" "( Diners ooh and ah )" "( Big sneeze coming on )" "( Sneezes )" "Hey!" "What the... ( Car crashes )" "The face looks real familiar but the body don't ding a bell." "Aah, all them stupid cats looks the same anyway." "( Cheering and applause )" "( Whistles and whoops )" "( Sighs happily )" "Such a chef you are!" "This food is so light and delicious i barely know I've eaten." "( Sucking in deeply )" "Yeah... i know what you mean." "( Belches loudly )" "Oh... ( Laughs )" "Excuse me!" "I just... oh, my." "( Band strikes up bouncy tune )" "Ooh, ja, a yabba song." "Dance with me, El skank." "Uh... uh, well, we just ate, ingy." "You, you're, you're supposed to wait at least an hour bef..." "Oh, come on, catsy." "You are a professional ballroom dancer after all." "Ballroom dancer?" "!" "Just a tiny fib." "I'm sick of all your lies, cat, sick of it!" "And I'm not helping you anymore." "Please, dog, please." "Just give me a teensy bit more time." "Look, I'm doing the lip." "I am unmoved by the lip." "Ingrid:" "Yoo-hoo, cat." "I'm waiting." "Okay, fine." "Who needs your help?" "You're just deadweight anyhow." "( Chuckles )" "Aren't you going to put your arms around me?" "Well, of course!" "( Aside ):" "Any time now." "No, I'm deadweight." "Hey!" "Ho!" "Pravda." "Ole!" ", and..." "Now that's a kitty cat I'd like to get to know." "Hey, doll, how 'bout a dance?" "Thank you, no." "I'm with him." "Hup-up-up-up-up-up-up-up... hey!" "Hup-up-up-up-up-up-up-up... ( Laughing ) ( Crash )" "Hey, you're the creep what almost hit me with that salt shaker." "Dog:" "It was a pepper shaker." "A real wise guy." "Ingrid:" "You'd better be careful." "Cat is a 12th degree black belt." "( Stammering )" "Yeah...?" "( Gulps )" "( Raspily ):" "Come on, dog." "Help me." "I'm deadweight." "( Groans )" "Oh!" "Ow!" "Hold that thought." "Thanks for nothing, pal!" "You're welcome for nothing." "You are being a real jerk, you know?" "!" "Yeah, well, you're a liar, liar, pants on fire!" "Cat:" "Oh, you're killing me with that." "Dog:" "Hey, watch that pickle jar." "Black belt, you don't even have a money belt." "Hey, this guy does a pretty good job beating hisself up." "( Grunting, arguing )" "Oof!" "( Moans )" "Hi!" "Um..." "I have a confession to make." "I'm not a black belt." "And..." "I'm a catdog." "I suppose you don't want to have anything more to do with me?" "Wait." "I, too, have a confession to make..." "If you see what i mean." "( Sticks clacking )" "This is wonderful, it's, it's stupendous." "I'm a catdog, and you're a..." "A double-bodied oddity." "What are the odds?" "( Laughs )" "Ingrid:" "So, what's your name?" "My friends call me dog:" "D-o-g." "You're very good with your hands, dog." "Ja." "Maybe you can give us cooking lessons sometime." "Ja, sure." "I make a mean borgashmord and i love cheese Danish." "Cat:" "Oh, here we go." "I like both the Danish and cheese parts." "And i like those ingmar bergman and Charlie McCarthy movies where the grim reaper is a tiny ventriloquist dummy." "Dog:" "Is it Von sydow or Von sidow?" "Whatever, he's a genius." "Cat:" "What am i, chopped herring?" "Hello?" "¶ For a dog and his pride ¶" "¶ it's all about a fistful of mail. ¶" "um..." ""Through rain a-a-and sleet a-and snow..."" "( Gulps )" ""And dogs."" "Mailman!" "( Screams )" "Cat:" "W-w-wa..." "Mailman, mailman!" "Easy, easy." "Dog, dog, stop, please." "Mailman." "I'm expecting a very important package... dog!" "( Mailman screams )" "( Fabric rips )" "( Woofing )" "I hope you're proud of yourself, dog." "You've chased away every uniformed delivery person in the county." "Now nobody will come and deliver my fish of the month." "( Sighing ):" "Oh, whitefish chub." "Yup, nobody's faster than me." "Nobody." "Nobody, dog?" "I seem to recall that..." "One time you came up empty!" "I don't want to talk about that." "I was just a pup." "Nobody's faster now." "Nobody." "( Something whizzing by )" "( Whizzing )" "Hey... it's a new mailman." "Yeah, better clear a little space on the old wall." "( Squealing to a stop )" "Oh, please, dog, no." "Let Mr. mailman deliver our mail..." "Then you can chase him." "People told me you were fast." "People talk too much." "Talk is cheap." "Not cheap enough." "( Moans )" "( Snarls softly )" "Ah... ( Snarls louder )" "Ah!" "( Growling )" "Where'd he go?" "Beginner's luck." "( Owl hoots )" "( Chanting ):" "Please let him have my whitefish chub." "Please let him have my whitefish chub." "Ah, you again." "No more Mr. nice dog." "( Growls )" "Whoa!" "( Gloating laughter )" "( Cat gasps and yowls )" "( Dog whimpers )" "I can't catch him." "I can't catch him." "( Echoing ):" "I can't catch him." "Cat:" "What's the matter with your eyes?" "Dog:" "Oh, so long ago... ( Happy laughter )" "Cat:" "Let's go, dog." "Come on." "( Yapping )" "( Someone whistles )" "Dog:" "Watch my body." "Yah!" "Oh, oh, oh!" "( Panting )" "Oh!" "( Whimpers )" "( Cackles )" "( Jeeringly ):" "¶ slowpoke, slowpoke ¶" "¶ nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah, slowpoke. ¶" "psst!" "Is it true what they say?" "Psst!" "Word is he's been holed up in there for weeks." "¶ Slowpoke, slowpoke ¶" "¶ na, na... ¶ no, no, no." "Hey!" "Come on, dog." "Get over it." "I can't." "I can't get over it." "I swore I'd never get whupped again." "But look at me now." "I'm nothing." "I'm not even a dog." "I'm a... ( Tearfully ):" "A slowpoke." "( Gulps, burps )" "( Chortles )" "What goodies have we today?" "Something of the whitefish chub persuasion, mayhap?" "( Laughs gleefully ) don't worry, it's a'comin' in." "( Laughter )" "Lead-foot." "Some dog." "Why, he's yeller." "See you tomorrow, with the mail." "( Everyone laughing... )" "I hate to say it, pal." "But you need to get back in the chase." "( Sniffing )" "( Whining )" "When that paper boy beat you down like a dog did you give up?" "No!" "You pulled yourself up by your choke chain and became the scourge of uniformed delivery people everywhere." "Come on." "Come on, take the teeth." "Be a dog." "Woof." "( Whimpering )" "( Muttering )" "( Sniffing... )" "Let's get postal." "( Bird shrieks )" "( Snickering... ) ( Gasps )" "It's you!" "The paper boy." "I'm not the paper boy anymore." "I'm... the mailman." "Cat, I'm not fast enough to beat him." "It's your move... slowpoke." "Slowpoke." "Slowpoke." "¶ Nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah, slowpoke ¶" "¶ slowpoke, slowpoke... ¶ stop singing that song!" "Come on, partner." "Show that mail boy what kind of dog we are." "( Snarls )" "( Growling )" "Ah... mommy." "( Crying )" "A big, bad doggie bit my..." "Heinie!" "( Crying... ) ( Chewing )" "I'd best not see you around these parts again..." "Slowpoke!" "( Whip cracks )" "¶ Dog against mailman is a duel as old as time ¶" "¶ a dog who's lost his nerve ¶" "¶ is like a song that's lost its rhyme ¶" "¶ but when the dust had cleared ¶" "¶ the dog done realized his quest ¶" "¶ he owned that mailman's trousers ¶" "¶ 'twas the fight heard round the west ¶" "¶ adios, slowpoke ¶" "¶ oh, the cat never got that fish. ¶" "¶ one fine day with a woof and a purr ¶" "¶ a baby was born and it caused a little stir ¶" "¶ no blue bug and no three-eyed frog ¶" "¶ just a feline, canine ¶" "¶ little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ out on the road or back in town ¶" "¶ all kind of critters putting catdog down ¶" "¶ got to rise above it, got to try to get along ¶" "¶ got to walk together, got to sing this song ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog... ¶ [captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education and nickelodeon ]" "¶ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ¶ [captioned by the caption center wgbh educational foundation]"