"How was that?" " Morning, Steed." " Would you help me?" "Did you bring me to be your gun bearer?" "I want you to meet Willy Fair, a top agent, now in traffiic control." "Traffiic control?" "For incoming spies." "He helps set them up." " and we should meet?" " He had an accident." "His pram..." "My lunchtime refreshment!" " His pram ran away?" " a good beer in orbit..." "In the pram was a dead man in a tux." "What does Fair say?" "He doesn't say anything." "Not a darn thing." "That's not like Willy!" "Usually quite talkative, aren't you?" "Back and forth across the wall like a game of ping-pong." "a bit of a countdown from those days." "Making you do dreary old disposal work..." "Who was he?" "The man you were trying to dispose of?" "Why the suit?" "It could be delayed concussion." "Stubborness, that's all." "What about the dead man?" "Completely unknown." "Here's his suit." "Pockets empty, no labels, recently dry-cleaned." " No clues at all?" " It didn't fiit him well." "The tuxedo." "It wasn't a proper fiit." " Probably hired." " Possibly." "Where does that take us?" "Our only hope of identifying him:" "a label they couldn't remove." "Tatooed on his arm." "Eros!" "That's the one." "My most popular design besides "I love whoever"" "and "What is home without a mother's loving touch?"" "That's a lovely thought!" ""What is home without..."" "Only for big ones." "Needs plenty of room." "I tried it on a skinny one, once." "Disastrous!" "Ran out of space." "It came out:" ""What is home without a moth?"" "Ridiculous!" "Mind you, it spoiled a lovely sentiment." "Which design for you?" "Well, I..." "Engraved garter on the left leg." "I enjoy doing them." " No..." " Rosebuds!" "Pink rosebuds." "One on each." "Do you recognize this?" "You're not his wife?" "The one with Lucille on his arm." "No, I'm not his wife." "Pays to be cautious." "Very discreet business." " One guy couldn't undress..." " You do recognize it." "aye, that's my work all right." "Lucille with two "l"s!" "Misspelling can be tricky." "The man with the tattoo," " who is he?" " Mr. Peever." "Sure you won't indulge?" "a bird's eye view of Sydney..." " Tell me about Mr. Peever?" " Funny little chap." "Balding, middle-aged, nervous, glasses." "That's it!" "Lovely girl!" "He wasn't married." "Peever." "You get to know a lot of folk." "You get to knowtheir skin, so to speak." "He wasn't married, I'm sure." " What's he done?" " Done?" "You're not asking all these questions for nothing!" "He had an accident." "a kind of"write off"." "It's Fair." "Willy Fair." "Listen." "We had an accident." "They found Peever." "We removed his identifiication." "But we overlooked... the tuxedo." "It was hired from..." "Ludson  Company." "This is one of our suits, I recognize the cut." "The wearer pinned his medals very poorly." "Holes." "They can't be invisibly mended." "Neither can the wearer." " Do you remember him?" " I flitted him myself." "Long in the arm, short in the leg." "Unusual." " Who was he?" " Sir?" "The customer." "Don't you know?" "You do have his suit!" "With these holes, we'll have to keep the deposit." "It's yours." "I warned Mr. Peever." "For the least damage, you forfeit your deposit." " Peever..." " Sir?" "Do you have his address?" "Yes, but it's strictly confiidential information." "Not between associates?" " Baggy Pants, Ltd." " Baggy...?" "Top secret." "Diplomatic corps only." " Baggy Pants?" " Sh!" "Haven't you seen those Russian diplomats?" "Where do you think they get such terrible clothes?" "I'll get the address." "Excuse me!" "Could you help me?" "I can't flix this at all." "Maybe I'll buy a made-up one." " That would never do!" " No?" "Oh no, sir." "a true gentleman ties his tie himself." "There are some places, where they simply won't let..." "So terrible!" "and just before a race!" "We dress the entire nation." "Without us, ascot would be nude." " This is your only record?" " Yes." "Mr. Peever left a deposit." "Is it a cheque?" "Very likely." "If so, we'll have the name of his bank." " Would you mind checking?" " Of course." "The pockets were empty." "Our suits have a secret pocket." " Shoe repair ticket." " For Pie Di's." "No ordinary shoe repair then." "Pie Di's is the most exclusive." "Everything's handmade." "Pale." "Slender." "Exquisitely elegant." "Signora, they're a poem." "They sing and soar..." "Santa Lucia..." "They're also very useful..." "for walking." "You don't believe me, but it's true." "Such expressive feet!" "They're talking!" "Chatterboxes!" "Bernard!" "I'll cherish them, I'll compose a shoe for them." "Encased in the softest leather." "Push off!" "Finely tooled, devastatingly designed!" "I'll treat them with delicate care." "Pie Di never measures." "We mould." "Twin treasures." "Carissima " "Signora ..." "'m atyour feet" "Yes, Mr. Peever had an account here." " Had?" "Then you know?" " Yes." "Sad." " Very sad." " Very, very sad." " Quite a shock!" " Very shocking!" " He came in this morning..." " This morning?" "Walked in and closed his account." " Bad." " Very bad." "Very, very bad." "Did he leave an address?" "Yes, he didn't want to but as I have to send details of his balance..." " Do you have his address?" " Yes." "Care of Purbright  Co., Mackidockie Street." "We'll soon be there." "Presto ." "an excellent cast." "a beautiful reproduction." "To the tiniest toenails." "Bernard..." "Now we pour in the wax." "Soon we'll have two pairs of feet." "Those attached to your legs, and a copy for me so that can I make a pair of shoes that are like puffs of air on your feet." "Signora, can / do anything e/se?" "Slippers for the boudoir?" "Wellington boots..." "in the kinkiest black leather!" "I've come for these." "a repair?" "For Mr. Peever." "You know him, don't you?" "Down to his tiniest toenail..." "It saddens me to admit these shoes were not specially flitted." "a craftsman must corrupt his standards occasionally." "These were part of a job lot we had delivered." "all different sizes." "For whom?" "a team of dancers." "Ballroom dancers!" "Men with tails and women with tulle frocks and sequins thrashing their poor arches to death." "These dancers, who are they?" ""Terpsichorean Training Techniques"." "Scusi ." "Bernard!" "Slow, slow, quick, and back." "Lead, turn and back, and swing those feet!" "Watch that balance, up, up, on our toes and round..." "Sit down for a minute." "I'm Lucille Banks." "Can I help you?" "Emma Peel." "You wish to trip the Terpsichorean light fantastic." " I'm looking for a job." " Oh..." "I saw your advertisement, if the post is..." "You're rather tall." "a disadvantage." "We'll put you to the test." "Ivor, just in time." "Mrs. Peel, Ivor Bracewell, senior male tutor." " Take Mrs. Peel around the floor." " Delighted." "You move quite well." "Have you any experience?" "Very limited." "Father entertained a lot." "Heavy, elderly gentlemen." "I made them feel as though they could dance." "Yes." "That'll do." "Thank you." "I'll give you a one-week trial." "Nikki!" "Show Mrs. Peel around, please." "We'll see how you shape up at the end of the week." "She shapes up pretty well!" "We have 6 pupils each per day for 1 hour." "You just need unlimited energy, the constitution of an ox and iron feet." "as bad as that?" " Good afternoon, Mr. Read." " Good afternoon." " Mrs. Peel just joined us." " How do you do?" "How do you do?" "Our pit band leader." "Drinks too much." "Dance nights are busiest." "Every two weeks we have a dance for our pupils." "We limp home at midnight." "Lucille sees to it we don't rest." " Lucille?" " Miss Banks." "Our prized toe-crusher." "You have to start somewhere." "Why not him?" " Good afternoon." " Good afternoon." "You are looking debonair!" "This is our new instructress, an expert in Latin american." "May I present Emma Peel." " How do you do?" " Mr. Peever." "Balding, timid, mousy." "a slight resemblance to the man in the pram." "We have 2 arthur Peevers." "One dead... and one dancing." "Which is the real Peever?" "What do you think?" "Forgive him, tight throat." "I'll showthis to the bank manager." "Good idea, isn't it?" "Glad you agree." "Back to your pupils and be quick, quick slow..." "I will." "This was made for Peever." "If the shoe flits..." "Good day." " You're out of your territory." " a wrong turn." " Little girl lost?" " Big girl lost." "I'll lead you where you belong." "I can fiind my way." " It pays to be nice to me." " I'll remember that." "Mr. Bracewell, I'm so sorry!" "Ivor..." "Mrs. Peel, a pupil is waiting." " Miss Banks, I..." " attend to it." " Why was she in here?" " She was looking in lockers." " Which one?" " That one." "Forward, back, step, step, step." "Back, forward, step, step, step." "You're making such progress." "So light on your feet!" "He's murdering mine." "I think I need a bone graft." "Forward, back, step, step, step." "Back, forward, step, step, step." "That's the end of the session." "Good bye, until tomorrow." "Ready for our next session?" "So soon?" "a note of discontent?" "No, they're only teasing." "You're her favorite pupils." "Mrs. Peel, show Mr. Marsh the fox-trot and the rumba." "Watch your feet." "Mr. Peever..." "No, no, no!" "Naughty Mr. Peever!" "I've warned you." "Nails portruding!" "You'll ruin our stone floor!" " I'm sorry." " Let's fiind another pair." "Go ahead, Mrs. Peel!" " One, two..." " Tcha, tcha, tcha." "One, two, tcha, tcha, tcha..." " Niet ..." " Speak Eng/ish" " What's wrong?" " Nothing." "Now, you're just Mr. Peever, an English gentleman." "Get into these and get back in there." "Call the commander, it's urgent." " What is?" " We forgot the tattooist." " That's him." " Sure?" " Very sure." " Very, very sure?" "Positive." "That's arthur Peever." "I see." "I never forget a face." "I only met him once, but my memory is good." " Once?" " Yes." "The day he closed his account." "He's an impostor." "The real one had a bank account and the fake closed it." "answer yes or no." "Mrs. Peel gave you the tattooist's address?" "Good, I'll show him this." "By the way, when you phoned, how did you...?" "Come in." "Come on in." "Hold on one minute, please." "a little fun:" "garlic sausage." "Keeps my arm in." "Needs a delicate touch." "One false move and the skin is torn." "Nice!" "It's not mine, but I appreciate..." "May I offer you something?" " You're most kind." " It's my job." "I want to get to know you." "Bikki?" "Nowthat we'll be seeing a lot..." "I regret that will not be." " I'll soon be passing out." " Pardon?" "I'll soon have my diploma in ballroom dancing." "I'll need no further classes." "I shall pass on, Mrs. Peel." "and we'll not meet again." "Excuse me." "Put them up." "Poor feet!" "Putting them up soothes them so the agony is only excruciating." "Mr. Peever says he'll soon have his diploma." " Yes." " I've danced with him." " If dancing's the word." " Terrible!" " But the diploma?" " It's good for business." "They pay, they have a diploma." "another satisfiied customer." "Funny though, not everybody gets a diploma." "Diploma in hand, they disappear." " Really?" " From here anyway." "I've never seen one return." "Our most exclusive studio, with a sprung floor." "With instructors in attendance." "You can see how well-equipped we are." "Very well-equipped." "We'll take some particulars." " after you." " Thank you." "Jonathon..." "Steed." " a fline English name." " Thank you." "Came with the Vikings." "Between raids and discovering america." " British by birth." " and inclination." "I just love England." "Even though I've lived abroad." "Back recently?" " One week." " To see your family?" "I have none." "You must have friends." "I'm afraid I've lost touch." "and you wish to learn to dance?" "Brush up more than anything." "I used to swing an elegant shoe." "afraid I'm rusty now." "Forgive me..." "isn't your motive deeper?" "You're hoping to make friends." " are you a lonely man?" " I have no friends." "Like most of my clients." "I like to feel my school offers them some solace." "Helps them to mix and meet people." "I hope you'll be happy joining us." "Now when would you like your 1st lesson?" "Why not right now?" "Very well, I'll see to it." "Excuse me." "What are you doing?" " Looking for a tattooed killer." " What?" "Read it and destroy it." " Destroy?" " Eat it." " Yes, dear lady." " I'll teach you myself." "an honor." "Slow, quick, quick, slow." "I'm surprised you're still a bachelor." "You are?" "I had a girlfriend, but she is no more." "Howtragic!" "Eaten by a crocodile on an amazonian trek." "Lunch." " Is the coast clear?" " Yes." " Where's Nikki?" " I'll go fiind her." "No, give her this." "Seen you before somewhere?" "I don't think so." "I'm sure I've seen you." "Hand it to Nikki, no one else." "Very familiar." "Not here!" "You mustn't open that here." "If Lucille saw it... we'd both get sacked." "Bernard told you about our arrangement?" "No." "Well..." "I'll let you in for a third." "Of what?" "What arrangement?" "Bernard works for Pie Di who supplies our pupils with shoes." " Well?" " Only their 1st pair." "Bernard sells the others." "Cuts out Pie Di, the middleman." "Bernard profiits, and so do I. Everybody's happy." "You approach the pupils right here?" "Bernard sees them as they leave the school." " So Bernard meets all the pupils?" " Yes." " Including Mr. Peever?" " Yes." "You'd better get inside." "There you are!" "I just heard the funniest thing." "The funniest thing." "So that's the time?" "Mine must have gained." " Steed." " Peever is an impostor." "No tattoo lovingly inscribed to Lucille." "But our witness, the tattoist, is dead." "There may be another at the shoeshop, Bernard." " Good!" " Let's go." "Miss Banks, my heel is loose." "It's liable to break." " May I...?" " Get it attended to." " Hurry back!" " Yes." "Come now!" "There must be someone you know!" "I've been away so long, all my friends have gone." "One, two, three." "I have no family." "You poor man!" "If you disappeared tomorrow, no one would know or care?" "Good bye." "Be on time for your lesson." "Count on it." " Nothing to it." " The commander will be pleased." " I'll tell him." " Tell him about Steed." " Who's he?" " Our next victim." "So Bernard got plastered." "I do so agree." "No witnesses." "Back to..." " Square one." " The heart of the matter." "Peever is an impostor, the school is conniving, so..." "Carry on dancing." "The same as before:" "Gala Dance!" "Every fortnight." "Dance to Chester Read, currant buns, lemonade and an ecstasy of rythm." "Will the students receive their diplomas?" "Only Mr. Peever." "Have you noticed any changes in Mr. Peever since he came?" "No." "But then he's Lucille's client." "at fiirst she really kept him to herself." " Does that happen often?" " Sometimes." "Mostly with the mousy, and anonymous." "She guards them weeks before I ever see them." "See you." "Bye." "It's got to be smooth." "You must glide into it." "No hesitation, mind!" "Ready?" "One, two, three... and one, two, three, twirl!" "That's much better." "Splendid." "You'll be a perfect replacement." "One, two, three..." "Is there another door?" "The door was locked." "Locked." "The door." "Lucille's re...hear..." "Lucille's rehears..." " Rehearsing." " Rehearsing, yes." "For... the..." "Gala night!" "Good evening, Mr. Peever!" "So glad you could make it." "I wouldn't miss it for the world." " Glad you came." " Nice to see you." "Mr. Steed!" " How resplendant you are!" " Thank you, Miss Banks." "This is your fiirst gala." "I do hope you'll enjoy it." "I sure I shall." "Excuse me." " Black coffee." " Excuse me." "It's bigger than we think." "Some kind of swap system. a takeover." "another man's personality." "I sawthe rehearsal." "Lucille dances, swirls out of sight, changes partner." "Perfect!" "after a monologue with the captain..." "I learned the school's real job:" "infiiltrating foreign agents." " Select an anonymous bachelor..." " No one will miss..." "Replace him with an agent." " In with the new!" " Marvelous method." "We'll wait and catch them red-handed." "They're planning a swap tonight." " With whom?" " I don't know yet..." "Watch it." "No, my dear!" "Not even if you begged." "I'm not free until the 12th dance." "Then I may flit you in..." "We're going to the ballroom." "anytime you say." "Excuse me." "I'll see if it's clear now." "all right." "Go around to the back." "You know what to do?" "He'll wear a 9, like you." "No slip-ups." "Commander won't have it." "Off you go." "and now competition time." "Chester Read will judge." "The contestants are masked." "This is to avoid any favoritism." "Chester will judge only your dancing ability." " I've located the victim." " Who?" "He'll have a 9." "Mrs. Peel..." "Mr. Steed..." " Your card, number 6." " Thank you, Miss Banks." "That eliminates me." "Mrs. Peel..." "You've been chosen to partner me." "We're dancing together." "allow me." "Oh, Miss Banks..." "Oh!" "Miss Banks!" "There." "What is it?" "are you attempting to reverse?" "With you, I'd try anything." " You mad impetuous man!" " Oh, Miss Banks!" "You're number 9." "You're dancing with garlic sausage." " How do you do it!" " My nerve 'tis so." " Shall we dance?" " To the door?" " You?" " You?" "The last reverse!" " I did this..." " You should have done this." "Commander!" "Next!" "Oops!" "Sorry!" "Excuse me!" "You'll lose your deposit."