"[ School bell rings ]" "Leave me alone, Truman!" "You can't keep picking on me." "Oh, I can't?" "My dad is the president of the Navy!" "So I can do whatever the hell I want." "Look at me, Gemberling." "You're gonna ask me out like I'm a girl." " I'm not gonna ask" " Yes, you are." " No!" "I'm not gonna" " Gemberling!" "You will do as I say." "Now, ask me out like I'm a sexy girl." " Hey, you want to go to the m" " Never!" "Never, ever, ever!" "Because you're a nerd!" "And I am a sexy girl." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Raspy voice ] Hey, Truman." "Who said that?" "You show your face." ""Men's facul-city."" "Oh, it's you." "What are you doing in here?" "No!" "Why are you doing this?" "!" "I recognize you!" "It will shock people to find out who you really are!" "It's you!" "Diego!" "♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "♪ oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "Kove:" "Petey Forrester, Luna Gheirhart, and now" "Truman Biggle" " President of the Navy's only son." "Piper:" "Someone's abducting the children of San Diego's wealthiest elite." "Kove:" "Exactly, but the kidnapper has not come forward with a note or a single demand." "Trent:" "Maybe we should hire a special team of NTSF dwarfs." "Have them pose as students and go undercover." "Piper:" "Or we could shave apes, dress them up as teens, and send them in." "Kove:" "I've got a better idea." "You two are gonna make like Rodney Dangerfield and go back to school." "Trent:" "Wait a second Kove." "Undercover high-school work is 16 Hop Street jurisdiction." "Kove:" "Normally, yes, but most of NTSF:" "SD:16 HS was brutally killed by terrorists posing as players during a JV lacrosse match at Encinitas Catholic last night." "Piper:" "Ugh." "Lacrosse is the worst." "Kove:" "There's just one 16 Hop Street agent left at" "Cannon High" " Billy Pittman." "But use caution." "Billy's been undercover for so long, he may actually believe he is a student." "Trent:" "Well, step aside, Nirvana, because it looks like we're the ones who smell like teen-- wait a second." "What did Nirvana say they smelled like?" " They smelled like teen-- Piper:" " Spirit." "Trent:" "It's not teen spirit." "Piper:" "I'm pretty sure it's teen spirit." "Trent:" "It's not spirit." "Kove:" "Perfume." "Trent:" "Perfume." "Perfume." "Step aside, Nirvana, 'cause it looks like we're the ones who smell like teen perfume." "Piper:" "I know we're undercover and all, but I really want to use this mission as an opportunity to do high school right this time." "Trent:" "What do you mean?" "Piper:" "I had a really rough time back then." "I was always the popular kid, and all of my slutty, bitchy friends were super-jealous of me." "This time I want to experience high school like everybody else did-- as a normal, everyday loser." "Trent:" "I don't care." "We got work to do." "You penetrate the girls." "I'll liaison with Pittman." "Piper:" "Intel says that the last time he was seen was in the second-floor boys' bathroom smoking cigarettes and spitting on mirrors." "Trent:" "Well, I hope he saved some for me." "Cigarettes, not-- not spit." "Piper:" "Okay." "♪ He goes-- ♪" "Both: [ Grunt ]" "Hi." "Who are you?" "Trent:" "I'm Willie Wiltfong, age 17." "I like new music okay, but I mostly really like '90s grunge stuff 'cause that's what my brother petey listened to" "Chili Peppers, that sort of stuff." "Oh, uh, I'm Rickie Meeker." "Trent:" "Yeah." "Put her there. [ Chuckles ]" "I'm the captain of the Glee Club here at Cannon." "So, are you new or something?" "Trent:" "I'm a foreign-exchange student from Ottawa, Canada." "Go Senators." "My parents, Victoria and Thurman Wiltfong, divorced when I was 6." "Deeply affected my younger brother, Petey, and I." "I thought petey was your older brother." "[ Groans ]" "[ School bell rings ]" "[ Body thuds ]" "Oh, my God, Whitney." "Stewie Mears so hot." "[ Laughs ] I'm awesome!" "Back off, Brittany." "Stewie's mine." "Piper:" "Girls." "Why are we fighting over this Stewie guy?" "Uh, 'cause he's only, like, the coolest guy in school." "Piper:" "Ladies, look." "Someday you're gonna realize that you don't need a man to validate you or make you popular." "Heads up!" "Hey." "Piper:" "Hey." "You got my ball." "Piper:" "Do I?" "School dance is tonight." "You can, like... go with me, if you want." "Piper:" "Okay." "You just got asked out by Stewie Mears." "You're gonna be, like, the most popular girl in school." "Piper:" "Going to be?" "[ Scoffs ]" "You are a skank, and I hate you!" "Piper:" "What's your favorite thing about me?" "Everything." "Trent:" "Pittman!" "You Billy Pittman?" "Hey!" "Graffiti artist, you seen Pittman?" "Hey, you two." "Where's Billy Pittman?" "Oh, I wouldn't know." "You see, I'm actually a reporter for Spinning Rock magazine." "I'm just dressed as a kid 'cause I was like, "let me go back to high school, learn the lessons I never learned, and then write an article about it."" "And I'm a time traveler from the year 2032 who's here to make sure my parents kiss at the big dance so I don't phase out of existence." "Oh, God, I hope my parents fuck!" "Trent:" "Are there areal kids in this school?" "Sure, there are." "But if we don't act fast, they're all going down the drain." "[ Water splashes ]" "[ Explosion ]" "Trent:" "Billy Pittman, I presume." "How's it going, Trent?" "I'm totally learning, like, all about trigonometry." "Who's this?" "Who's this?" "Trent:" "She's..." "Where's my weed, Mungo?" "Word up." "Trent:" "Look, Pittman, I need you to focus up." "We got to figure out what's going on here." "Listen, Hauser." "Why don't you go chill with your cronies in grad school?" "This is Hop Street jurisdiction." "Trent:" "Well, Hop Street's dead." "Don't you think I know that?" "!" "[ Voice breaking ] Don't you think I know?" "Oh, my God!" "Trent:" "What is it?" "A clue?" "They posted the cast of the spring musical and I'm not on it." "Trent:" "What?" "I am Conrad Birdie!" "Trent:" "Who's Conrad Birdie?" "They gave it to Stewie Mears." "We should kidnap that kid." "Trent:" "What are you talking about?" "We should kidnap all of these rich pieces of crap." "Trent:" "Calm down, Pittman." "Spring dance is tomorrow night." "They'll all be gathered in one room, and that's when we strike." "Trent:" "Pittman, you lost yourself." "[ Laughs ]" "I'll see you later, Hauser." "[ School bell rings ]" "[ Laughs ]" "Trent:" "Pittman!" "Hey!" "What gives, Willie?" "Trent:" "What?" "Who?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "I'm Willie Wiltfong." "What?" "You tased me!" "Trent:" "It was a fraternity prank." "We're in high school, man!" "And I looked up the student registration." "We do not have a foreign exchange with Canada this year." "Trent:" "But there is an exchange between my foot and your face." "Looks like I just made varsity kickball." "Jacket has no pockets for glasses." "[ Upbeat music plays ]" "So, how's it going with that new hot chick?" "Oh, dude." "Awesome." "Hey, she totally gave me a hand job during chem class." "[ Laughs ]" "Whoa." "[ Laughing ] Right?" "Right?" "[ Grunts ]" "Piper:" "He said he wouldn't tell." "Trent:" "We have visual confirmation on Pittman." "Let's go!" "Freeze!" "Hauser!" "What?" "Are you trying to bust my bust?" "Trent:" "I'm busting you, Poindexter, so don't tell me I'm busting your bust, or I'm gonna bust a move on the dance floor." "By "dance floor," I mean your face." "Think I'm a kidnapper?" "Look behind you." "Help me or something, you dicks!" "Guns at the dance?" "Spinning Rock's gonna love this!" "[ Grunts ]" "Trent:" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hold it right there!" "Hey, everybody!" "This guy's doing a new dance!" "Trent:" "No, it's not a dance." "Hold it right there!" "All:" "Hold it right there!" "Trent:" "Hold it right there!" "All:" "Hold it right there!" "Trent:" "This is not a dance!" "What is this?" "Do it." "Kiss her!" "Save my life." "Come on, dad." "Trent:" "Out of my way!" "No!" "Trent: [ Grunts ]" "[ Gun cocks ]" "Looks like another bully's about to bite the dust." "Trent:" "Still mad that I kicked you in the face?" "'Cause I'm not sorry." "All my life I've been ridiculed by the popular kids for being different-- for being a theatrical triple-threat who lived and breathed musicals." "[ Laughing ] But that's okay." "It's fine." "Because who needs Lebron James and Dwyane Wade when you have" "Sondheim and Fosse?" "Trent:" "What are you gonna do?" "Kidnap every popular kid in the school?" "[ Raspy voice ] I already have." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Normal voice ] I already have!" "Now I'm gonna shoot you and then I'm gonna shoot them and then" "I'm gonna sing and dance my ass off." "Not if I have anything to sing about it." "Kick step!" "[ Grunts ]" "Trent:" "Looks like you got a smash hit on your hand." "Yeah, but this one's going off off Broadway for an extended run... in jail." "Trent: [ Chuckles ]" "Yeah." "[ Imitates explosion ]" "[ Both laugh ]" "Yeah!" "Piper:" "I didn't really give Stewie Mears a hand job." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "Kove:" "Popular teens of San Diego are finally free from the tyranny of the jealous musical-theater scum." "Trent:" "Anything to stop an arts program." "Trent Hauser!" "I can't thank you enough for saving my boy." "He's the most precious thing in the whole world to me." "Truman, you should thank Trent." "Trent:" "Put her there, buddy." "[ Scoffs ] Yeah, right." "Get that out of my face." "I wouldn't thank these guys if they were the end of my dick." "These losers took forever to save me." "Piper:" "We're not losers!" "Yes, you are." "And you're nerds, and if you went to this high school, I would beat you" "You little rat's asshole!" "I wish you would have stayed kidnapped, do you hear me?" "!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "Thanks, Trent." "Trent:" "You have a great kid there." "Thank you, Trent." "Trent:" "So, Pittman." "You gonna hang up that varsity jacket?" "Piper:" "Yeah." "Why don't you come back to normal NTSF?" "Sorry, guys." "It's tempting, but some people belong in high school... forever." "T.T.Y. never." "[ Laughs ]" "Kove:" "By God, he's got spirit." "Trent:" "Spirit." "That's what teens smell like." "Been bugging me since before." "Forgot about that." "Piper:" "That's what I said." "Trent:" "Shut up!" "You did not." "Liar!" " Coming next fall to Adult Swim..." " I need money." "Just kill your parents." "Oh, I will." "After we have sex." "You remind me of my dad." "I like that."