"In the movies, Dracula wears a cape, and some old English guy always manages to save the day at the last minute with crosses and holy water." "But everybody knows the movies are full of shit." "The truth is it started with Blade, and it ended with him." "The rest of us were just along for the ride." "What's this chicken scratch?" "It's cuneiform." "It's about 4,000 years old." "So why here?" "Because this is the cradle of civilization." "He would've been comfortable here." "I don't know, Dan." "This seems like another dead end." "There's something beneath us." "You find a watch?" "Is it a body?" "Guys?" "Aah!" "Go!" "Aah!" "What the fuck?" "!" "Aah!" "Tonight, Dr. Edgar Vance, forensic psychiatrist and author of the New York Times bestseller Human Health," "The Whole Being Breakthrough." "Also with us, Martin Vreede, Chief of Police." "They'll be here for the next hour, and they'll be taking your calls, next on Bently Tittle Live." "Okay, Dr. Vance." "You are a psychiatrist and a biochemist." "Isn't that true?" "Yes, Bently." "I am both." "And it's for a reason." "I have always believed that true health can only be achieved if we reconcile the body and the mind." "And of course, in order to do that, we have to get rid of a lot of old notions." "Okay." "And... how's that fit in with vampires?" "In the case of vampires, we're dealing with creatures that, uh, are the repositories of some of our most taboo thoughts." " Okay." " Predatory rage." " Yeah." " Sexual sadism." " Sexual?" " Sexual sadism." "These are very scary subjects for people to own up to, and they're right inside." "So what you're saying is we pass the buck onto someone else." " You bet we do." " And vampires...?" "Well, for instance, there's a hereditary blood disease." "I talk about it in my book." "It's called porphyria." "And the symptoms of this disease are remarkably similar to classic vampire traits." "The people who suffer from this disease are anemic, they become intolerant to sunlight, they can't handle garlic..." "Garlic?" "Chief Vreede." "Okay." "What's your take on all these rumors we've been hearing about vampires?" "Vampires, vampires." "What?" "The only vampires I'm worried about are the ones passing the bar exam." "Seriously, though." "If vampires existed, don't you think we would've found them by now?" "The truth is our streets have never been safer." "Homicide, assaults, violent crime is down across the board." "If people want to be concerned, they should focus in on characters like this Blade criminal." "Now, that's the guy I wanna hear about." "I wanna hear about this character Blade." "What about him?" "He's a sociopath that we've been pursuing." "Blade is a troubled individual." "I understand that he is under the impression that there is a vast conspiracy of vampires." "Now, you've got to look at the psychiatric underpinnings of a belief like that." "Odds are he believes that he is out there slaying monsters." " But what he's really doing..." " Mm-hmm." "...is trying to kill aspects of himself." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Ah!" "Aah!" "I'm on the Stonebridge overpass." "Got it." "Heading westbound." "I'm just beneath ya." "Go!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Come on!" "I got him." "Pull!" "You all right, man?" "He's got a gun!" "Oh, my God!" "Ouch." "Staked you with silver." "Why aren't you ash?" "Why aren't you smarter?" "Not a vampire, dumb shit!" "Set your sorry ass up." "Damn." "Oh, Blade." "What the fuck happen tonight?" "How should I know?" "He was human." "You're gettin' reckless, Blade." "Killing vampires is clean." "They ash... don't leave any evidence behind." "Killing humans is messy." "You better hope nobody ID'd you." "This worked really good." "What's this?" "A new delivery system for your serum." "It's an effervescent inhaler." "Just bite down on the mouth guard." "Delivery's automatic." "Some friends of mine made it." "Friends?" "Yeah." "You remember those?" "It was horrible." "The one car crashed, and then the guy in the coat was shooting the other guy." " It looked like there was a lot of blood." " Thank you." "That was just a taste of the mayhem that occurred during tonight's brazen shootout that left at least four people dead." "Now, apparently, an anonymous citizen captured the whole event on video." "Hey, Ray." "Hey, we got a lead." "Let's catch a plane, Wilson." "It's time to take these cowboys down." "That's what I'm talkin' about." "What's he been doing?" "Fuck all." "Just feeding." "Been through five of them so far." "Do you think we have enough security?" "We didn't capture him." "He allowed us to take him in." "You understand?" "I'm gonna go in." "You shouldn't have woken me." "We had to." "Your blood, your sacrament, can set us free now." "What makes you think I care?" "Your people need you." "My people?" "You're nothing but shadows of your former selves." "Look how far you have fallen." "The world's changed since your time." "The humans have a new Hunter." "Blade." "And you'd like me to kill him, wouldn't you?" "Yes." "Subject is heading west." "Got him." "Congratulations." "You're famous." "Somebody nailed us." "Your face is all over the papers and television." "Media's eatin' it up." " Like I care." " Well, you should." "Something like this..." "taking out a human... as far as the rest of the world is concerned, you're public enemy number one." "Didn't know this was a popularity contest." "Damn it, Blade." "Don't you see what they're doing?" "They're waging a goddamn P.R. Campaign." "Now it's not just vampires we gotta worry about, we're gonna have to take on the rest of the world, too." "You worry too much, old man." "That's why we're still alive, goddamn it." "I've been doing this since before you were born, Blade." "You're like a son to me." "I'm sorry I got old on ya." "I see you alone, surrounded by enemies." "And it breaks my heart." "We can't win this war alone." "Look, he just gave me the evil eye." "Come on, man." "What about that guy?" "!" "Bro and prostitute, baby." "So what?" "Quit fucking around." "I'm hungry, and I want to eat somebody." "How about him?" "No fatties." "They taste like Cheetos." "No, I like him." "Wait... what about that?" "Shrunken apple-headed bitch." "They fucking saw us over there." "Fucking blow me, man!" "Just pick one already." "Jesus Christ!" "Oh, got it!" "Got it!" "Baby on board." "Oh!" "Looks like we got ourselves a combo meal!" "Chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky!" "Oh, yeah, baby!" "What's for dinner?" "Aah!" "Hey, pretty lady." "No!" "No!" "No!" "Scream if this hurts, chica." "Aah!" "Fuck you?" "Aah!" "Garlic!" "Scream if this hurts, chica." "Aah!" "What is it?" "What you were worried about." "Let's go, let's go, let's go!" "Shoot to kill!" "Aah!" "Move a finger and you're dead." "How's about this one?" "He's got something in his hand!" "Get out, Blade!" "Shit!" "What's going on in there?" "Somebody talk to me!" "Aah!" "Hold it right there!" "Don't shoot, don't shoot." "Rise and shine, sleepyhead." "Special Agents Ray Cumberland, Wilson Hale, FBI." " We've been tracking you a long time." " Mm-hmm." "Whistler." "Dead." "Just like all your victims." "Say, how many people have you killed, Blade?" "Thirty?" "Forty?" "Fifty?" "1,182." "But they were all familiars." "People who work with them." "Oh." "And by "them," you mean vampires, right?" "Say, so how do you kill these bloodsuckers, tough guy?" "Maybe you could give us a few pointers." "You can stake 'em, right?" "What about sunlight?" "I mean, they ain't feelin' sunlight, right?" "What about crosses?" "Do they still work, Wilson, in this day and age?" "I don't know, Ray." "I mean, what if mister homey vampire is, like, Jewish?" "That's a good point." "What about garlic?" "Does that work on Hindu vampires?" "Or do you need, like, saffron or some shit?" " That was quick." " Thank you." "You can keep doing your song and dance as long as you want, Blade." "It's not gonna play." "We know what you are." "You're a stone-cold killer." "And you're sick as fuck." "Let's leave the diagnosis to the professionals." "Hello, Blade." "My name is Dr. Vance." "I've been charged with giving you a psychiatric evaluation." "Gentlemen, would you mind giving us just a couple of minutes alone?" "He's all yours." "I know you must find this very frightening but I want you to know that I'm here to help." "And in order for me to do that," "I'm gonna have to ask you a couple of questions, okay?" "You know, Blade..." "the darndest thing." "I was signing in at security, and, uh, couldn't remember the date." "Do you know what day it is?" "How about the President?" "You know who that is." "Who's in the White House right now?" "An asshole." "I think somebody here wants to talk about vampires." "Vampires." "For everyone else, it's kind of silly." "I had a set of wax teeth when I was seven years old." "It was fun." "I could be somebody else." "But I want to hear you talk about vampires." "What can you tell me about them?" "They exist." "Are you one of them?" "Sometimes..." "the scariest monster of all is the one in the mirror." "Tell me about blood." "When you drink blood, do you ever feel sexually aroused?" "Just strikes me that this business of vampirism has a very strong element of sexual confusion." "Nuzzling into someone's neck." "A nocturnal visit." "It promises a..." "delicious physical intimacy." "The very sweet taste of saliva... mixed with skin." "Sounds good to me." "Where's it come from?" "That's what I wanna know." "And I'm starting to wonder what your relationship with your mother was like." "Were the two of you very close?" "He's psychotic." "No shit." "For his safety and for the public's," "I'm recommending that he be transferred immediately to County Psychiatric..." "Fuck that!" "That man is my prisoner." "He's wanted in connection with a laundry list of federal crimes." "Hold on, gentlemen." "We're in my jurisdiction now." "You got a problem with that, you talk to the local magistrate." " That man is my prisoner!" " The call has already been made." "Don't fuck with my thing!" "There's a team from the hospital effecting the transfer immediately." "You're supposed to be working with us on this, Chief." "Not this time." "This is just a little something to keep you compliant." "The usual dose for this sort of thing is two, three hundred milligrams, but I think with a big, strapping hybrid like yourself," "I'll kick it up to a couple thousand." "You don't have a problem with needles, do ya?" "There." "That wasn't so bad, was it?" "Ooh, you're weak." "In need of your serum." "That must be a bad feeling." "I mean, who would've imagined that a mere human like me could overpower you." "You're one of them." "A familiar." "Going on five years now." "It's the endgame, Blade." "All their plans are coming to fruition." "Why don't you just sit back and enjoy the show?" "I hate familiars." "It's why we're still alive, goddamn it." "You're like a son to me." "Sorry I got old on ya." "I see you alone, surrounded by enemies." "It breaks my heart." "Hi, Blade." "So glad to finally meet you." "I am such a fan." "I like your tattoos." "Do they mean anything?" "Stupid." "Are you okay?" "Are you tired?" "You're weak." "We moved the humans around." "Like pawns." "We used them to flush you out." "You're not so big." "You're all alone, Blade." "No one's gonna help you now." " Evening, ladies." " Hannibal King!" "Wake up, Blade." "This is your rescue." "Go!" "Freeze!" "Whistler!" "This way!" "Blade!" "You're dead!" "Get down!" "Blade." "Hey, hey." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Where are you going?" "Where the fuck is he going?" "This is supposed to be a rescue!" "Get back, get back!" "We're pinned down." "I can't shoot around corners." "I can." "Aah!" "Okay." "We're fucked." "We're fine." "Forgot my sword." "Whoo!" "Come on!" "Abby." "Aah!" "We got him." "We'll be there soon." "Who the hell are you people?" "Well, my name is Hannibal King." "And this little hellion right here is Abigail." "Whistler's daughter." "I thought the vampires killed Whistler's family." "They did." "I was born later out of wedlock." "When I came of age, I tracked my dad down, and I told him I wanted in." "Been doing it ever since." "Welcome to the honeycomb hideout." "How do you bankroll this operation?" "I date a lot of older men." "Come on, man, I'm joking." "You met Dex." "This is Hedges." "Sommerfield... she's the one who built that new serum inhaler of yours." "That runt you saw earlier, that was Sommerfield's daughter Zoe." "We call ourselves the Nightstalkers." "Hmm." "Sounds like rejects from a Saturday morning cartoon." "We were gonna go with the Care Bears, but, uh, that was taken." "How many of you are there?" "There's enough." "We operate in sleeper cells." "When one goes down, another cell activates to pick up the slack." "Consider us your reinforcements." "What, you amateurs are supposed to be helping me?" "You?" "Look at you." "You're kids." "You're not ready to roll with this." "I mean, look at the way you're dressed." "What, that's supposed to be tactical?" "What is this?" "What is that?" ""Fuck you."" "It's a joke, huh?" "What the fuck is wrong with y'all?" "Y'all think this is a joke?" "You think this is a fucking sitcom?" "Okay, first off, that's just rude." "Second, I'm pretty sure we saved your ass back there." "I'm impressed." "Look, Blade, my father meant for us to help you." "Like it or not, we are all you got." "What the hell makes you think you know about hunting vampires?" "Well, here's for starters." "I used to be one." "Do I pass the audition?" "Rookies." "Fucking Hannibal King!" "I should've ripped his bleeding heart out when I had the chance!" "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "We had Blade." "We had him!" "Ugh!" "And don't tell me "I told you so," Asher." "What's wrong, half pint?" "You need a time out?" "Blow me." "We got caught with our pants down." "Pants down?" "They pretty much fucking ass-raped us." "Oh, you loved it." "Has he been told?" "About your failure?" "Yes." "Maybe it's time I joined the game." "You know the kind of woman that just screams trouble?" "You see her and every warning bell in your brain starts going off, but you still manage to ask for her number." "Well, that's all I ever hook up with." "But this betty..." "Whoa!" "She blew 'em all away in the shitstorm sweepstakes." "Her name is Danica Talos." "You met her earlier." "And unlike typical vampires, her fangs are located in her vagina." "Moving on." "The man on her left is her brother Asher, and this walking diaper stain is Jarko Grimwood." "I picked Danica up in a bar and spent the next five years playing hide-and-go-suck as her little vampire cabana boy." "Eventually, Abigail found me." "Sommerfield managed to treat me with a cure, and now I kill them." "And that's basically turning a frown upside-down." "We need to pool our resources, Blade." ""We"?" "Yeah, we." "He's come back." "Take a look at this." "You gotta be kidding me." "Where'd you guys get this stuff?" "I stole most of it." "Danica had a huge collection." "You got stonework, ironwork, weaponry, art." "It's this stuff that shows up everywhere." "This symbol, this glyph..." "It's on everything in here." "He is real." "You dig beneath all the... the myths, all the layers of bullshit that have cluttered our culture for the last 500 years, and eventually you're gonna strike the truth." "So the movies are true." "The movies are just a comforting fairy tale compared to the real deal." "Bram Stoker... he wrote a good yarn, but the events that he described back in 1897..." "God." "That was just a tiny piece of the mosaic." "The real Dracula... his origins date back much, much earlier than that." "How early?" "Try six or seven thousand years." "This is a piece of his armor." "With it, we were able to extrapolate a basic idea of what this fucker looked like." "Check this out." "Dracula's only one of the names he's gone by." "The Babylonians worshipped him as Dagon, and now they call him Drake." "If you believe in the legends, he was born in ancient Sumeria." "Nobody really knows the specifics of his origin, but we do know this." "He was the first of his kind." "The patriarch of hominus nocturna." "He was born perfect." "And just like the great white shark, this guy has never had to evolve." "Forget the movies, forget the books." "There's no happy ending with this guy." "He's been there, moving behind the scenes, cutting a bloody fucking path through the ages, until suddenly just like that he up and disappeared." "And then we heard a rumor." "The vampires were searching for him." "Some say he'd been sleeping through the ages, that he'd retreated from a world he'd become disgusted with." "And according to our information, they found him in Iraq about six months ago." "And he was pissed." "Don't try to use my name, that's fatal" "Tried to claim my fame, but that's fatal" "About to raise the pain, that's fatal" "Tried to claim my fame, but that's fatal" "About to raise the pain, that's fatal" "Bite through your jugular vein, that's fatal" "In the window..." "You sell vampire merchandise?" "Uh, yeah." "Look around." "We might have a few things." "We've got Dracula lunchboxes." "Did you see those?" "There's bobble heads, key chains." "This is funny." "That garlic gets me every time." "We've got just about anything." "Even vampire vibrators." "Here." "Check this out." "Dra-cola." "Makes you want to cry, doesn't it?" "Was there something special you needed?" "Hey, guy." "She's talkin' to ya." "What?" "You wanna kiss me, pretty boy?" "Aah!" "No!" "Tried to claim my fame, but that's fatal" "About to raise the pain, that's fatal" "Bite through your jugular vein, that's fatal" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Bite through your jugular vein, that's fatal" "Why wake up Drake now?" "That's exactly what we've been trying to figure out." "When I was under the fang, there used to be talk about some kind of vampire final solution." "But I could never figure out why they'd want to destroy their food source." "I mean, that makes no sense, right?" "They've always had plans for the human race, and it seems likely that whatever they're cooking up," "Drake's return is part of it." "Let's face it." "We are fighting a losing battle here." "So we kill a few hundred of them a year... big deal." "There are thousands of them out there, maybe tens of thousands." "We need a new tactic." "Like what?" "A biological weapon." "For you sighted people here's a little show and tell." "For the last year, I've been working with synthesized DNA in order to create an artificial virus targeted specifically at vampires." "We're calling it Day Star." "Think about it, Blade." "We could wipe 'em all out in one single move." "So what's been holding you back?" "The lethality in vampires is still spotty." "The bottom line is we need a better strand of DNA to work with." "We need Dracula's blood." "Because Dracula is the progenitor of the vampire race, his DNA is still pure." "It hasn't been diluted by a hundred generations of selective mutation." "We get his blood, we can boost Day Star's viral efficacy to 100%." "All the vampires go bye-bye." "So, can we just go right ahead and sign you up for one of our secret Nightstalker decoder rings?" "Oh." "Holy shit." "Um, gentlemen and hottie, uh, we have a wide assortment of ass-kickery for your viewing pleasure today." "Electronic pistol... comes in a variety of tasty calibers." "Explosive rounds." "Yeah, but with a concentrated burst of UV light instead of your standard hollow points." "I call 'em sun dogs." "Hedges." "Super-size me, sweetheart." "This little pea shooter..." "it's a modified version of the Army's objective individual combat weapon." "Pick your poison... sun dogs, stakes, heat-seeking mini rockets." "Basically, whatever gets you hard, this puppy'll pump 'em out." "Course, it doesn't have the range of a sword, but..." "Oh, God." "Over here, we, um... we call this the UV Arc." "Whoa." "Sorry." "The two points are connected by a powerful UV laser..." " Hedges, I'll take it from here." " Yes." "This bad boy is half as hot as the sun." "It can cut through vampires like a knife through butter." "We're still trying to sort out fact from fiction when it comes to Dracula." "Turning into mist?" "Kinda doubt it." "General shape-shifting?" "Maybe." "Not into a bat or a wolf or anything like that, but another human, with practice, could be possible." "Because he wouldn't have a traditional skeletal structure." "Something more like a snake's, with thousands of tiny bones..." "I have a..." "I have a question about that, Hedges." "Have you ever been laid?" "Many times." "With ladies." "Time for a little pressure." "The weakest link in the vampire chain of command has always been their familiars." "Since the vampires can't go out in the daylight, they get the humans to do all their dirty work." "We bleed the wannabes..." "Sooner or later, they'll take us right to the real." "I got you some new wheels." "You take care of it now." "She's making playlists." "She likes to listen to MP3s when she hunts." "It's like her own internal soundtrack, you know?" "Dark core, trip hop, whatever kids are listening to these days." "Me, I'm more of a David Hasselhoff fan, you know?" "Come on, come on like that, ya'll" "Come on, come on, like that, y'all" "Let me see you say ho" "Let me see you say ho" "Aah!" "Ah!" "Aah!" "Eventually, you know, your head is gonna pop off." "Fuck!" "No, no!" "Please, please!" "Please." "Who's your handler?" "I don't know my fucking handler." "I swear." "I swear!" "Oh, shit!" "Please!" "Please!" "Oh, it's you." "I'll take that." "Come on!" "Let's go!" "Come on!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello, this is Dr. Vance." "You paged me." "It's for you." "Yeah, go ahead." "Hello?" "Aah!" "You know, at some point, you, uh, you might want to consider sitting down with somebody." "You know?" "Have a little share time?" "Kick back?" "Get in touch with your inner child?" "That sort of thing?" "Also... just a thought... but you might wanna consider blinking once in a while." "I'm sorry, I, uh, I ate a lot of sugar today." "Hey." "You just can't walk in here like... aah!" "Excuse me, sir." "Don't do that." "Where's Vance?" "I'm sorry, but you can't see Dr. Vance right now." "Sit." "Can I, uh, can I help you?" "Remember me?" "Time for payback." "All right, Vance, what the hell do you know?" "Oh, Jesus." "It's him." "Abby." "It's Drake!" "Aah!" "So, you're the hunter they all fear." "I had a feeling about you." "Just shoot him!" "Go ahead, Blade." "Show me what you're made of." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Oh, my God!" "He got my baby!" "Aah!" "No!" "My baby!" "Ah, careful, Daywalker." "I've been told about you." "Your weakness for humans." "Why'd you kill Vance?" "He'd outlived his purpose." "He died a good death." "Quick, clean." "I wouldn't know anything about that." "You will." "How are you able to survive in sunlight?" "Haven't you read Stoker's fable?" "I was the first of the vampires." "I am unique." "So that's why they brought you back." "Of course." "They believe through me they could become Daywalkers." "Look at them down there." "Scurrying around like insects." "They don't know anything about honor or living by the sword, not like you and I do." "Do you think they could ever grasp what it means to be immortal?" "You're not immortal." "I must've heard hundreds of you rodents make the same claim." "Each one of them have tasted the end of my sword." "Perhaps I will too, then, but I think it is more likely the next time we meet, you fall before mine." "Catch!" "Cootchie coo." "Did you see that guy?" "We're gonna lose, man." "We're gonna..." "Oh!" "God!" "We're gonna fucking lose!" "What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other?" "Shut up, King." "See you in 28 days." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hold on." "What are you... what is that?" "What are you doing?" "It's an elastic protein, okay?" "It's gonna stop the hemorrhaging." "Okay." "Is it gonna hurt?" "Yeah, it's gonna sting a little." "Really?" "Fuck me!" "Aah!" "I had a family once." "Wife, two daughters." "Then a drifter came calling one evening." "A vampire." "He toyed with 'em first." "Tried to make me decide which order they'd die in." "I've been doing this a long time." "Since before you were born." "I don't want this life for you, Abby." "Hey, Blade." "I got a question for you." "Say we're successful." "Say we wipe out all the vampires." "What then, huh?" "You ever ask yourself that?" "I mean, somehow, I..." "I don't picture you teaching karate at the local Y." "He hates me, doesn't he?" "Yeah." "Why do you wear that symbol?" "Old habits." "I was a good Catholic schoolgirl once." "I was there when they crucified him." "He died for their sins." "Not mine." "And what are your sins?" "Would you care to confess them?" "Take it off." "Why?" "I will make you a better one." "There's an old saying." "Kill one man, you're a murderer kill a million, a king." "Kill 'em all a god." "Why do you do that?" "Because there's something bad inside of me." "This keeps it from getting out." "Why can't you just be nice?" "Because the world isn't nice." "I found where the vampires are working." "Biomedica Enterprises." "They've been buying up all sorts of supplies." "Check it out." "Taq polymerase, bone marrow growth supplement, genetic sequencing enzymes." "You want a party favor?" "Lucky seven." "Silver hollow points." "Done." "You wanted to see me?" "We've got trouble." "Doing a little moonlighting, Chief?" "Shit!" "What are you doing here?" "Talk." "Talk." "Spill it!" "You know what we're doing." "What's inside?" "Aah!" "Now, what's behind door number one?" "I can't tell you." "They... they'll kill me." "Kill you?" "Motherfucker, I'll kill you." "I'll just enjoy it better." "You know the routine." "Lights." "God in Heaven." "What is this place?" "It's a blood farming facility." "Vampires decided that hunting humans on a piecemeal basis was... too inefficient." "Why kill your prey when you can keep them alive?" "Under optimal conditions, a donor can generate anywhere from 50 to 100 pints of blood." "Productive." "Where do you get all these people?" "They got processing centers in every major city." "At any given time, there's what, two, three million homeless wandering around America?" "They just pull 'em in off the streets." "Nobody cares about them." "We're doing this country a service, really." "Vampire final solution." "Are they aware?" "Do they feel anything?" "They're in a chemical-induced coma." "They're brain dead." "Look at this." "This the future you want?" "Don't you think that they have a place for you in their future?" "We don't have a choice!" "They're going to win." "Can't you see that?" "He's come back!" "There's nothing stopping them now." "There's me." "Go!" "You got 20 seconds." "Twenty." "Shutdown password... what is it?" "Harvest." "Put it in." "Let's go." "Where'd you go?" "See?" "I turned my back on you." " Oh!" "You win." " One more, one more." ""Now, Nome King, having never tried to be good, was very bad indeed."" ""Having decided to conquer the land of Oz and to destroy the Emerald City..."" "This ain't no video game." "This ain't no video game." "Come on, now." "Dude, you're dead." "Mom, the lights are weird." "What do you mean?" "They're going on and off." "Guys?" "Zoe, I want you to go, and I want you to hide, okay?" "Like we talked about." "Go on." "Zoe?" "Get out of here, Zoe!" "Hide!" "Goddamn it, Zoe!" "Goddamn it!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Something's not right." "King!" "Zoe?" "Zoe." "Zoe?" "Whistler." "Use it." "Use it." "Use it." "Aah!" "Back off, pooch." "Jesus Christ!" "What the fuck?" "!" "Good dog." "What the fuck?" "!" "His name's Pac-Man." "We've been porting the vampire gene into other species... experimenting." "You made a goddamn vampire Pomeranian?" "Yeah." "Precious, isn't he?" "Well, that depends who you ask, because clearly, this dog has a bigger dick than you." "And when the fuck did you see my dick, fuckface?" "Ow!" "I was talking to her!" "Poor King." "You look so distraught!" "Give me that chair." "You're tasting a little bland, lover." "Are you getting enough fatty acids in your diet?" "Have you tried lake trout?" "Mackerel?" "How about you take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick?" "And how about everyone here not saying the word "dick" anymore?" "It provokes my envy." "Tell us about Blade, King." "What's this weapon he's been planning?" "I can tell you two things." "One... your hairdo is ridiculous." "Two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted." "Silent but deadly." "Spit it out, you fucking fruitcake!" "All right!" "Fuck!" "I'll tell you about the weapon." "It's a new flavor crystal formula." "Twice the chocolaty goodness, half the calories." "Plus, it helps prevent tooth decay." "There." "You're brave, King." "I'll give you that." "But underneath all that swagger," "I know what you really fear." "What would hurt you more than anything else." "You don't want to go back to being one of us, do you?" "I'm gonna bite you again, King." "And I'm gonna leave you here while you turn." "I'm going to watch you day after day as the thirst keeps building and building." "And then, when you can't stand it anymore I'm gonna bring the little girl in here for you to feed on." "Would you like that, King?" "Would you enjoy taking her life?" "Now we're getting somewhere, my pet." "Are you all right?" "Yeah." "I'll be fine." "Don't let it turn inward." "Ever since I can remember, I've had this..." "I've had this knife of sadness in my heart." "And as long as it's there, you know, I'm..." "I'm strong." "And I'm..." "I'm untouchable." "But the moment that I take it out I" " I'll just die." "He's one of ours." "My name is Caulder." "I'll be your driver this evening." "Sommerfield left you a video message." "If you're watching this, I'm already dead." "If Zoe's alive, I want you to promise me that you'll take care of her, okay?" "I've been reading her the Oz books every night." "We just started reading The Emerald City of Oz." "You know, the one with the Nome King?" "I think I've managed to cultivate a workable strain of the Day Star virus." "As a precaution, I transmitted the genetic sequence to Caulder in case our main stock was destroyed." "In order for it to achieve maximum lethality, you're gonna need to interfuse it with Drake's blood." "Now, if it works, every vampire in the immediate vicinity should die almost instantly." "There's one other thing." "Blade, you need to know that there's a chance the virus could destroy you, too." "Because you're a hybrid," "I..." "I'm not sure if your immune system will be able to tolerate it." "I'm sorry." "We just didn't have enough time to properly test it." "So, shall we take a look at the plague arrow?" "I only had time to fabricate a small amount of Day Star." "However, I was able to outfit it." "A compressed gas projectile that can be shot from one of the four-barrel rifles or a bow." "Either way, you must be sure that the shot counts." "You would simply not have enough for a second shot." "Do you know who I am?" "You're the Nome King." "Ah." "The Nome King." "How sweet." "Tell me, child, do you want to die?" "I'm not afraid." "I'll go to Heaven." "There is no Heaven." "No God, no angels." "The only thing in your future is nothingness." "But what if you could change that?" "What if you could remain a child forever?" "Wouldn't you like that?" "Wouldn't you accept that gift?" "My friends are coming to kill you." "This blood" "Wake the night!" "It's gonna wake the night" "It's gonna wake the night" "Wake the night!" "This blood" "This blood" "It's gonna wake the night" "This blood" "This blood" "It's gonna wake the night!" " This blood" " Wake the night!" "It's gonna wake the night" " This blood" " Wake the night!" "Wake the night!" "This blood" "This blood" "It's gonna wake the night!" "Gonna be sorry you did that." "Why?" "Nobody's coming for you, Kingshit." "Sure they are." "God..." "See, one of the things you fuckheads need to know about us Nightstalkers is that when you join our club, you get all sorts of groovy little door prizes." "And one of them is this nifty little tracking node surgically implanted in your body." " Bullshit." " Yeah." "See, when one of us goes missing the others, they just dial up the satellite which is in space." "And then presto." "Instant cavalry." "You like that, huh?" "Go fuck your sister." "Okay, King." "Where is this tracking node of yours?" "It's in my left ass check." "Fine." "It's in my right ass cheek." "Okay, I'm... okay, seriously, now." "It's in the meat of my butt, just below the Hello Kitty tattoo." "Seriously, just pull down my tighty-whities and see for yourself." "Enough!" "It's not funny anymore!" "No, it's not, you horse-humping bitch!" "But it will be a few seconds from now." "See, that tickle that you're feeling in the back of your throat right now that's atomized colloidal silver." "It's being pumped through the building's air conditioning system, you cock-juggling thundercunt!" "Which means the fat lady should be singing right about now!" "This is awkward." "Do you have a cell phone?" "Um... a little help here." " Are you all right?" " Yeah." " Where's Zoe?" " Drake's got her." "Okay." "Thank you." "I brought your toys." "Try to keep up." "Aah!" "Abby!" "Hey." "You okay?" "Okay." "Let's get you out of here." "Watch out!" "Fuck me." "Oh, fuck me sideways!" "Oh, yeah." "He's a cute little guy, aren't ya?" "Good little puppies." "Yeah, you're gonna stay." "You stay." "Oh." "There's a pretty smile." "Yeah." "I'm going to, uh..." "Hey, dickface." "You seen my dog?" "Have you tried the lobby?" "Thank you." "Fuck..." "Come on, King." "...this." "Blade." "Ready to die?" "I was born ready, motherfucker." "Motherfucker." "I like that." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "You broke my arm!" "Aah!" "Are you ready to die, motherfucker?" "Give it up." "Come on." "Give it up, King." "Give it up." "Give it up." "Give it up." "Hang in there, kitten." "I'll get help." "Funny, isn't it?" "All this time, my people were trying to create a new kind of vampire, when one already exists." "I don't need to survive." "The future of our race rests with you." "You fought with honor." "I respect that." "Allow me a parting gift." "But remember this." "Sooner or later, the thirst always wins." "And Blade?" "The virus didn't kill him." "Because he was a hybrid, his heart never stopped beating." "It simply slowed down." "And so he slept, waiting for the moment when he could walk the earth again."