"Fresh." "Hear me now rudeboys." "I is got 'nuff heavy TV ideas, which is why I is come here to..." "Los Angeles to see if I can make it in the world of telly." "What is this project about?" "It is loosely based on like James Bond but it is for like TV." "Well, I have seen that over and over again on TV, there is nothing new there." "I've done like an 8 minutes thing." "Let me see this, let me see this here." "I'll watch a little bit of it." "This bit's good." "Okay." "I got the idea." "This is not in the genre that I am interested in." "But you ain't even giving' it a chance." "I gave it a chance." "I am not interested in it." "But people will switch on even when they see the title James Bond." "I am not interested in it." "Thank you very much, I am not interested in it." "I am as clear as I could possibly be, I am not interested in it." "I want you to just level with me." "And don't... you know, if you like it say you like it, if you don't say it." "I tried to." "There is another idea that I has got." " No, no, I have time for one." "It's like a version of 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" "' but with more cash." "I have another appointment coming, thank you for your time." "It is 'Who Wants to be a Billionaire?" "'." "What is the main thing you ain't seen before on network prime TV." "I ain't seen dongs hactually going in." "It's better left to the imagination." "That doesn't mean." "No, no it ain't, not with some of the girls I can get me hands on." "Imagine and it ain't a definite yet, if J-Lo signs up to our" "TV show and one scene that's done artistically or whatever, you get to see her on all fours getting it from behind." "Imagine the, imagine the commotion." "What makes you think that this is going to appeal to her or any other star?" "Me would raise like loads of cash, by threatening to cuss companies if they didn't hand over cash." "So let's say we ask McDonalds, do you wanna help fund the programme?" "If them say no, then we say, alright." "We are going to have someone eating a Big Mac an then dying of cancer." "Well, that's almost tantamount to blackmail." "But let's say I rang up McDonalds, spoke to the main man, just say: 'Yo, Ronald, give me the cash.'" "What I think is that you have to be positive in your approach." "So maybe me show you the tape." "I can't believe it." "It is a lady." "Thanks for saving my life." "What is it?" "I is in the middle of having sex." "It better be important." "Wow, that is fucking important." "What, there is a bomb?" "Alright, I just got to finish myself off." "Thanks." "Before you leave me, I didn't catch your name." " Me name is James Bond." "James Bond." "Do you wanna produce it?" " No, it is not my kind of show." "My other idea is this." "A police dog has died and his spirit has gone into the Chief of Police." "And it is called Hot Dog Cop." "Does this Police Chief know what is going on?" "Does he understand it?" "That's the best thing about it." "He ain't got no idea." "What happens when it takes over?" " Him can speak to the dogs." "Him can run like a dog." "Well fast, but also he does the dirty stuff that dog do as well, like he will do a suddenly he can't control himself do one." "I think it would take a very ingenious script to make it work." "You would need a dog to help write some of it." "And by that what do you mean?" " The dog bits." "Did the premier Bush come from the south?" " George Bush came from Texas." " Ah, good." "And I went to school with Barbara Bush at Ashley Hall here." "Barbara Bush?" " Yes." "A Bush in Kazakhstan we laugh when we hear the name because a bush mean the hair..." "around the testes satchel." "And Barbara, we say in Kazakhstan, mean to eat." "So it is like Barbara Bush is to eat the hair from the testes satchel." "It's good." "This is the Spring House." "Go on in." " Hello." "This is a very ancient kind of tool." "But it is a shame now to use this primitive tool." "We now have a machine it can chop wood without a man." "Ok, now you have to understand what we're about here." "This is the 18th century, Okay?" "I am a historic interpreter." "You are a slave?" " I am not." "I am a historic interpreter." " Yes." "I am a museum educator." "Can I buy you?" " No, I am afraid you can't." "In Kazakhstan we think USA very technology very good and now I see is very primitive." "This is 200 years ago." "We are not in the year 2002 here." "This is a time machine back to the year 1750 or 1760." "You make a time machine?" " Can you please explain to him?" "I can't, I am trying hard." " Okay." "Because he keeps telling me about buying a slave." "We don't do that." "It hasn't been done since 1865." "This is a historic site." "Do you understand what a historic site is?" "This is an outdoor museum." "I like you, do you like me?" " I'm not sure." "We go see the milking of a cow now." "This is a man or a woman?" " I don't know." "You don't know?" " I think it's a woman." "Not so clear." "How to find out?" " I am going to find out." "Find out if it man or woman." " Why do you throw the milk away?" "I think because it's been given some medicine so it's not fit to drink." "Oh, alright." "Not really sure." "A woman." " You think it's a woman?" "It's not so clear." "Do they always have girls like you milking the cows?" " Yes." " Yes." "You think?" " Mmm." " But why she wear clothes like a man?" "Because they all do, when they're working here." "She is a..?" " No she's not." "Dzienkuje." "How you doing there, Borat?" " Good." "You are a cowboy?" " Yep." "You are a cowboy?" " I'm a cowboy." "High five!" "Down low!" "Too slow." "Swing at the steer." "You have to swing in big circles." "Yes." " Like this." "Yes, yes." "See?" " Yes." "You got it now?" " Yes." "Well, then turn loose." " Yes." " Keep it going." "You okay?" " I am okay." "Then you have to throw it at the steer." "How many punch punch you take to a cow before it fall?" "Me is 11 my record." "I hit a goat one time." " Yes." " But never hit a cow." "I once carry a woman against her will for near one mile." "You did?" " Yes." "He carried a woman against her will for one mile!" "Really?" "Why did you do that?" " To show her my house." "Okay, did she like it when she got there?" "Yes, but she my wife now!" " She's your wife now?" "I have a wife." " Yes." "You want to see her picture?" " Yes." "Yes, this is her." "She's pretty." " Yes." "She couldn't come with you?" "Did you know that picture was in there?" "Yes, my wife, that is not for a lady to see." "That's more of your wife than I wanted to see." "That is my wife." " Oh, that's your wife?" "Don't be looking at all those pictures." "Yes, she is nice." "She's nice." " She's nice." "Do not show your wife." "Easy now!" "Sex!" "You is all heard the words." "Probably 'nuff of you out there is done it." "So, what is pornography?" "I think pornography sends a very dangerous message to society." "I think it lies about sex." " What does you think now?" "Well, I mean I..." "I, I enjoy watching it myself." " No doubt." "Of course, you know a lot I feel is the parents, because of course you have to be 18 before you enter these sites." "That's right." " You know, there's a written..." " She's right." "... there's a written statement there saying yes I'm 18..." "I mean, I see these young girls..." " But that's..." "Whoa, whoa." "Let her finish." " I'm sorry." "I mean, I'm seeing young girls 12, 13 and I'm thinking they're 18, you know?" "For the men in this business:" "How important is the size of the warrior?" "It's not really the size, you know I've worked with quite large men and I've worked with smaller men." "'Cos I has got a massive one, you know?" "But what does you say to people out there with small ones?" "Not me..." "No, it's just... of course, the saying is, it's not how large, it's how you use it." "Why does you think it is that you ain't had sex with someone yet?" "Do you think it is because you is too shy or 'cos you is aiming for honeys out of your league?" " No." "Do you think it's 'cos of the confidence thing..." " No... no... no... no... - that you don't have the chance to go up to ladies and say 'Let's do it!" "' ... no." "I do not believe that sex with multiple partners should be the normal standard in our society." "So what you is saying is you actually is trying NOT to have sex?" "What I'm attempting to do is not allow sex to come to the forefront of my life." "And this isn't unusual in America." " No, it's not." "Whoa." "I ain't never met anyone like that before!" "Does you think the age at which you can 'ave sex is at the right level?" "For most States in this country, um, the age of consensual sex is, er, usually around 16 or 18." "Aye." "Virgin does you think that it's at the right age?" "Well, I think the diff..." "I think the difficulty is the issue that, you know, we're wired to have sex pretty young." "How old can I, can I....?" "I was 18, eh, when I lost my virginity." "You was 18?" "How old was you?" "Obviously I ain't asking you 'cause you is still a virgin, innit?" "!" "How old was you?" " About the same age." "Yo!" "I was like I think about 10 or something with this model from Italy who was 28." "It is illegal for people to have sex below the age of 16, should it be illegal to have sex above the age of something like 50?" "No, I wouldn't want it to be illegal to have sex above the age of 50, for personal reasons." "But like a couple of years ago me had a really bad experience when me walked in on me nana, she was actually doing like 69 with uncle Derek, her boyfriend Uncle Derek, who ain't me real uncle." "And it was like, I felt sick." "It was like..." " True." " But the way to walnuts in a sock." "How can that be right?" "...but you see... you learn to knock before you go into nana's bedroom." "No, but then it happened, they did it in the living room as well." "Well, that's irresponsible if..." "you know, for parents to do that when there are children around or anyone else." "So let's just have one word to sum up your position." "Let's say 'commitment'." "Virgin?" " Nobility." "Jesus." " Safety." "Yo, and mine is peace." "So let's try and do that into something..." "Peace, yo, nobility, yeah, check it... 'cos Jesus, innit, is..." "Commitment." " commi..i..i..itment." "Peace." "I just thought that up, just like that." "'Cos I didn't know what your words was gonna be beforehand." "I just... that just..." " That's good. -...it's out from my head." "Whassup." "Being gay is the new coolest thing." "So that's why I've come to the gayest part of America:" "Alabama!" "Go go go Alabama." "Right." "You're embarrassing all 85,000 people." "Get off the field." "I'm just dancing." "Also, jetzt ich bin hier.." "What your name?" " What?" "What's your name?" " Shaud Williams." "Great." "Sheik." " Shaud." "Shaud?" " Shaud Williams." "So, Shaudy, what position do you play?" " I play running back" "What do you say to the people out there who sees that you are so powerful in your physique, have very powerful thighs and pectoral muscles and wonder what your schwanzenstuker is like?" "I don't know, I have never been put in that situation." "Are you allowed to date other members of the team or do you have to wait 'til the season is over?" " What?" "!" "No, there is, there is nobody on the team like that." "So, you must realise that you have many, many fans out in Austria." "They see you and they just would do anything to spend a night with you." "What do you say to those guys?" " I'm not gay, so I'm not gonna spend any night with any guy." "So..." "So do you have a message for Austria's gay community?" "Yeah, I'm not gay so don't come looking for me." "So what does freedom mean to you?" " Freedom means being able to do and to say what you want, without government looking over your shoulder, without government's hand in your pocket, without the Jewish hand in your pocket." " Yes, die Juden." "You know, in Austria they, you know, the government is run..." " By Jews." "Freedom in Austria is a lot about being able to walk down the street with my boyfriend Diesel just holding hands and without people staring at us." "Is that what you're campaigning for?" " I'm not hot on your right to hold hands with your boyfriend but what you do in the privacy of your home as long as you stay away from my kids." "I have no problem with what you do." "If you would try to recruit my kids in any way then you would have a problem with me." "Clay, you got a kind of very manly look." "When did you get to be so cute?" " When I was born." "You're so good looking and don't you know it?" "I like women, thank you anyway." " So, you are bi?" "No." "I am not bi and I'm not gay." "And, if you wanna speak on that subject you can take a hike." "You're not my type." "Is it because I'm too fat?" " No." "Well, is it what I look, I've been, really jet-lagged." "I look terrible." "The interview is over." "You wanna be a professional be a professional and don't be some fucking fag." "Easy now." "International Relations ain't just about having a" "Bangladeshi cousin." "It is about other stuff as well." "I don't know what they is." "That is why I's off to meet James Baker." "During The Gulf War... when did you decide to invade Iran?" "We never invaded Iran." "Which one did you go into?" " We had a troop presence for a short period of time in Southern Iraq." "Ain't they the same thing though?" "Ain't that just..." "No." "They're two different countries:" "Iraq and Iran." "Do you think, it would be good if one of them changed their name to make it very different sounding from the other one?" "No, because Iran doesn't sound like Iraq." "Ain't there a real danger that someone give like a message over the radio to one of them fighter pilots whatever saying bomb Ira... and the geezer don't hear it properly and bomb Iran rather than Iraq?" "No danger." "How does you make countries do stuff you want?" "Well, the way you deal with countries in foreign policy on foreign policy issues, I think that's what you're asking me.." " No doubt!" "is you deal with carrots and sticks." "But what country is gonna want carrots even if they is like a million tons of carrots that you is giving over there?" "Carrots, I'm not using that term literally." "You might offer foreign aid." "Money." "Okay?" "Money." "Money is better than carrots because even if a country love carrots and it's like their favourite national food, if they get given like billions of tons..." "Don't get hung up on carrots!" "That's just a figure of speech." "So would you ever send carrots?" "You know is there any situation?" " No, no." "What about in a famine?" "Carrots themselves?" "No." "Commissioner Vice Chair Jim Matthews is here with us." "Yo, big up." "We have several of our Roll Officers here today." "Ron Hall our Registrar of Wills is here." "In this part of the State it's tough, because the person we're running against is popular here." "He's known here for the last decade." "But, I don't think you should be worried about the other candidate 'cause I has heard lots of people say that Fisher is crap." "You don't need to worry about him." "No, Rendell's crap." "Rendell's the other guy." "Which side is we up for?" " Well, I'm with Fisher." "Yo." " Right." " Alright!" "He with all respect, and I ain't met him 'fore, is a nice guy but he's got a kind of bit of a dull vibe to him." "It depends on what you want in a leader." "Do you want somebody who's flashy or just want someone who's subsinate, but experienced." "Yeah, you want someone who's flashy innit?" "Well, I don't, I mean I want somebody who's steady." "Was it embarrassing working as a secretary?" "Did it have the same kind of stigmata as being a male nurse?" "Well, I think it was, the word secretary o' course is used in different ways." "Why do you think politicians use so many words that young people just don't understand like discussion or conflict?" "Only chi-chi men would use them words." "I don't think so." "I think you'd find those in your high schools in America, in classrooms everywhere you go." "But surely if politicians used words like holler, swallow back, check dis out all my peeps in your cribs all you mofos out there, swallow this, booyakasha, wagwan, then people would ear it and understand, innit?" "That's crazy." "I bet you can't find me five people in the entire country of" "America who could understand what you just said." "That ain't true." " Not five, not five people." "Above." "I could find you five billion." "'Cos of your jobs you must know a lot of secrets that happened back then." "Well, it's been ten years ago." "I don't remember very many of them." "What about Hilary Clinton?" "Does she drink from the furry cup?" "I don't know Hilary." "I don't know anything about her." "But does she eat from the bushy bowl?" "I don't know anything about her." "If she does just cough." "I don't know anything about her." "So what's the deal?" "Is this your interview technique?" "No, I was just waiting to see if you coughed or not." "This is your interview technique?" "This interview is over, let's stop." "The guy's an idiot." "We say in Kazakhstan." "A man who never kill a man is like a man without any..." "Is true?" "Is true?" " It's a strange feeling." "You have a big äh, you have a big hrum?" "Fairly, you know, not, pretty good." " I can touch?" "In America you don't, it's not one of our customs." "You know when you..." "Yes, I can touch?" "Well, sure, why not, why not?" "Yes." "It's okay with you?" " Sure, sure." " Thank you." "It's nice." " Thank you." "It's good, but I have seen bigger."