"Oh, wow!" "I mean, that was the only time" "I ever felt sure about anything." "My whole life never seems to catch up to that moment." "But to be unsure..." "I don't know." "What if there's no reason in your life to feel shitty, but you do anyway?" "No enemy to point at." "Would he do that?" "I mean, I look at all the people around me and..." "Gabe?" "What are you doing?" "You can go in there for hours, but you can't do anything else?" "This is bullshit." "But my whole life never seems to catch up to that moment." "I mean, what if you have no reason to feel shitty, but you do anyway?" "Everything's your fucking enemy." "Let's back up." "How does this play start?" "Hey, are you sweating in crazy places?" "I'm talking to you about the deadline, because right now, your ass should be sweating in crazy places." "Can you dig it?" "Hi, Rocky." "Good morning, and how are you?" "What did you say?" "I'm saying that every little sweat gland in your body should be on sweaty overdrive right now because of these plans right here on your desk." "Gabrlel, listen, man, you've got Masters International showing up here any moment, and they want to see these revisions done." "Yeah, I'm, uh..." "That Lauren Terrace-you know, the one with the...tarantula in her panties for you?" "Look, I'm almost done." "I'm really," "I'm starting toiSee?" "Yeah." "Gabrlel..." "Things and..." "I'm almost..." "Hello, Diamond Records." "Cari Skaught's office." "Princess Leia, please?" "Princess Leia..." "Chewbacca Richmond on one." "Hey, Zoom." "Hey, hey, hey." "Do you think that men are innately boring and insensitive compared to women?" "Do you?" "# You are my fetish, fetish #" "Hey, what movie did you see?" "Starting Over with..." "Burt Reynolds." "Are you serious?" "All right, all right, wait." "Just listen, listen, listen." "Here is the realization." "I think that women are naturally giving creatures, and I think that a man's nature is to... to take advantage of that, of that kindness." "Zoom, I..." "No, wait, you got all this from a movie about Burt Reynolds and a chimp?" "Am I keeping you from something?" "Actually, I do have a transvestite punk band here in the office." "Their new album is called Rock My Labia, and it's chock-full of this kind of insight." "Oh, no." "Oh, wait a second." "I got to go, legally." "Listen, Zoom, can I talk to you later about this?" "'Cause..." "Yeah, okay." "Just one last thing." "A play." "A play." "I am gonna write a play about all this stuff." "Great I Write one, and I'll definitely be there to see it." "Okay." "Love you, Zoom." "Got to go." "Okay, you go rock your labia, but you brushing me off and hanging up on me, it's gonna be in the play." "So basically you have these different women, you know, and this man." "And, so you know how women, can kind of, be very naturally kind of forgiving, and men take advantage of-of that and everything." "And men will hide themselves in women and-and they allow it, because they're just..." "Are you out of your mind?" "You're asking me to represent you, and you haven't written a word?" "I have not written a word, no, but-but..." "Gabriel, I love you, honestly I do." "But I represent serious playwrights, not schmucks." "It all starts with the writing." "Right, right." "But I thought if I told you the idea and you liked the idea..." "Gabriel, a writer writes." "No offense, but if you want to be a writer, why don't you go to writing school?" "Hey, I wanna be an astronaut;" "you wanna represent me?" "I mean, come on." "You come to me with an idea." "I can't represent an idea." "And by the way, I'm not really sure whether I understand this idea." "I know it involves a woman, there's a message, there's a looking glass." "Write it." "What I would do... if..." "Excuse me." "Yeah?" "I think you should tell her, you know, 'cause she loves you." "I couldn't." "She'd be so mad." "No, no, it'll be fine." "You just say - oh." "She's your wife." "Hello, lovely." "Hello." "Listen, she's been bugging me to go, uh, home and everything." "And so I think I" "She-she might have lupus, I think." "Oh." "Yeah." "Well, too bad." "Winston can take her home." "You can stay." "Fine by me." "I like Winston." "M m." "See?" "Ugh." "Listen, I don't know." "I keep trying to keep it together, but at this point," "I think I'm doing more harm than good by being here." "All right." "But just one minute." "There's this woman down there, she's one of our biggest donors." "Next to Winston." "Will you just please say hello?" "Okay." "Want to come?" "Nah." "I'll meet you at the fountain, okay?" "Okay." "Love you, Mom." "What about me?" "See you later." "You, too." "See you." "Okay." "Want some help?" "No, thanks." "Yeah." "Quarters." "There it is, there it is, there it is, there it is." "There you go." "Thank you, thank you." "Ooh, yeah!" "I thought you said you'd meet me at the fountain?" "I'm sorry I got wet." "But you were nice to him, too, you know." "Sending him into the party to get food and stuff." "That's different, you know." "I mean, you know, he was, he was hungry." "There we go!" ""Milner", Daddy?" "That's right." "What's a milner?" "One who..." "I don't know." "It's Scrabble." "You're not supposed to know what it means." "Look, I let you use "Lassie"." "It's a word." "It's a dog." "Christy's mom broke up with her girlfriend again." "Really?" "I think she really means it this time." "She moved in with Ms. Weaver, our new Home Ec teacher." "You and Mom met her." "How do you keep up with the soap opera of it all?" "I thought that she was seeing the, um, the dykey basketball coach or something." "Dad, the word's "lesbian. "" "You should know that." "It could get you a triple word score over there." "All right, well, you go ahead." "You're wiping me out here." "Okay." "Dad, why were you sad at Mom's party?" "You got to stop letting her stay up so late on school nights." "Oh, come on." "We were just playing a little Scrabble, waiting for you and... you know." "It's educational." "You know, when you have to leave early like tonight, is supporting me even a thought?" "Yeah, sure it's a thought." "No, look, I'm..." "I'm sorry." "You know how I get at those things." "I mean, I just kind of freak out a little bit." "How'd the rest of the night go?" "Good." "Fine." "I'm glad I hired Winston." "I'd have gone crazy without Winston." "Yeah, Winston- he's a good guy." "I was thinking about setting him up with Cari." "if you want to do that to him." "You just said he was great." "He is, but she's..." "You know, she'd either get bored or..." "The guys she dates are losers." "Good point." "Hey, why don't you..." "why don't you come to bed?" "We can do a little performance art." "Are you ready for Colorado?" "Yeah, yeah." "It's..." "I don't know." "I mean, do you really think I should go?" "Just the way I've been feeling and everything..." "Maybe we could do Christmas in New York." "We go to my family's every year for my father, you know that." "And it's always weird for you." "Is this about my family?" "No, no, no." "'Cause if this is about my family..." "No, no, no." "Listen, I'm sorry." "I don't mean that." "It's gonna be great." "It's gonna be great." "I just... you know," "I just don't..." "I don't want to be a... prick to be around, you know." "Funny, that's never a concern of yours before." "Zoom,I do not think that you're a flake." "Did I say that he was a flake?" "No, you said he was sort of a pathetic boner for seeing a movie during work." "Oh, boner, boner!" "That's nice in front of my innocent child." "No, I mean, I think it's great." "It just can be great and pathetic." "Well, you know, I know it's a little weird and everything, but I can't help it." "I was possessed." "Just like the Close Encounters with the potatoes." "Hey I" "Oh, good, even Cari's here." "H i." "Hey." "H i, my sweetness." "Hello." "You!" "Hello, Mama." "Let me through here." "What's for dinner?" "Well, we got fish, rice and veggies." "The ladies were just feeding me crow." "Good." "I like that." "Want some?" "Are you eating those?" "We got..." "Oh, hey, come on!" "Hey, I'm your mother!" "Go set the table!" "Five points if you get it in his glass." "Dad says he's gonna write a play about all of us." "See a movie today, dear?" "No... yeah." "I did." "Go ahead, laugh." "Oh, that Burt Reynolds." "Ah, yeah, laugh it up." "Your laughter gives me strength." "Aw, poor Gabe." "You're all gonna be in the play, you know." "Yeah." "Scared." "Absolutely." "Ooh." "So, Cari..." "Oh, no." "I, uh..." "What?" "I'm not that bad, am I?" "Yenta!" "No, it's just I have this friend that I thought you might be interested in meeting." "Who?" "Lord Winston." "Royalty?" "Winston Lee Attenborough, and he is my new assistant curator." "And he's really cute." "Come on, Lizzie, back me up here." "He's cute, right?" "He is, Dad, he just is." "I suppose if Lizzie likes him, I should just marry him." "Good." "No, actually, can't do it, guys, 'cause I'm moving in with someone." "You what?" "What?" "Yeah, the dancer, right?" "Walt, walt, walt, hold on." "Hold on, dancer, like, stripper dancer?" "You're moving in with a stripper?" "What kind of dancer?" "Ballet." "You know, the guy she met at that party?" "Wait." "No, no, not Sushi the dancer?" "Sachi, schmuck!" "What, are you deaf?" "How do you say his name?" "Sushi?" "No, I mean, you know, this is why." "This is why I didn't want to tell you guys." "It's, like, the relationship's in its first trimester, and you know, I knew you guys would get all serious about it and give me shit." "Well, you're the only person I know that would just move in with somebody rather than have a second date." "Yeah, dating." "Yuck." "I think it's great." "And he's a lucky guy." "Yeah." "All right." "It is present time!" "# Da da-da da!" "#" "Thank you." "And for our own" "Diane Arbus in training." "Thank you." "Cari, you remembered." "Thank you." "Yours isn't here yet." "Shershi..." "You're gonna get it." "So, Zoom, what is all this about, really?" "The-the play, the movies, everything." "Do you know?" "No, I don't." "Well, what does it feel like?" "You know what it is?" "It's sort of the opposite of what it might seem like." "I mean, I..." "I know that I should be happy, but..." "I don't know." "You know, there's this weird thing that happens when you have a kid." "You just simply do not allow yourself to even consider being anything but happy." "Just... that's it." "Going to be happy and everything." "But I don't know" " I mean, I... when I look back, you know, and I..." "I... you know, I watch myself step into this life, and it just kind of feels like I'm full of shit." "What's full of shit?" "Full of shit, like how?" "Like..." "like..." "like your life is living you instead of the other way around?" "Is this about you and Annie?" "Oh, God, no." "I wish." "That'd make it so much easier." "I would know what to do, you know?" "But, uh... what?" "Ah, no, wait." "Obviously, everything is great." "God." "I have an idea." "I enjoy." "Feel comfortable." "What?" "Why don't you get into the shopping cart?" "All right." "All right, you can take the bottle." "Here." "All right." "Take the bottle." "Okay." "What are we doing?" "Where are we going?" "We're gonna go on an adventure." "We're looking for joy, bliss and identity." "Joy, bliss, here we come." "All right." "Where are we going, Zoom?" "This way." "We're going this way?" "You want to know... you want to know what my play is gonna be about?" "It's going to be about this evil, vicious woman who, uh, pushes her best friend- this man in a cart- and then, while it's crashing, she makes no attempt to help him at all," "but instead rescues the bottle of booze." "And I suppose that you are this man." "That's me- that'd be me in the play." "Listen, I mean, this really doesn't have anything to do with anything, but I think I might have crossed a line with Lauren at work." "What?" "What line?" "Where?" "Well, no, no, it's not the line." "I mean, this isn't about cheating." "It... oh, fuck." "Cheating." "No, that's not me." "Wow." "And-And you don't think that- all of this is about that?" "But how could it not be confusing you?" "I mean, either you and Lauren are friends, or you are more." "M mm." "Touching her vagina is not nothing." "Oh!" "Oh!" "It's not nothing." "Shh, shh." "Vagina touching equals confusion." "You know, okay, okay, I got it." "Thanks." "Jesus." "Look at me." "Look at me." "Come on." "Now, do you really think that... that this is about, uh, vagina touching?" "Come on." "You know what I think you should call your play?" "H mm?" ""Trying to Find Myself in a Friend's Vagina. "" "Shut up." "You stay out of my friend's vagina." "You shut up and stay out of your friend's vagina." "Well..." "I should stay out altogether." "You vagina-you got none vagina." "What?" "Okay, so I wanted to give this to you when the moment was just right." "When we found more uses for the word "vagina"" "than I ever have before in my life, okay?" "Here." "What?" "Your present." "You know, write your fucking play, Zoom." "This will record your journey." "Wow." "Wow." "This is amazing." "This is so cool." "Thank you." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Like this?" "U p on your toes." "Let the water get all the way down in the gulch." "So, like that?" "Little soap." "Yes." "Yes, yes, and you don't want faulty presentation." "Right." "What do you hold on to?" "U h, 12: 00- tarantula." "Oh." "I can tell from the pose that you fellas are feverishly at work on my project." "Actually, we are absolutely not at work on your project." "Especially him." "Can I ask how funny This looks?" "Pretty darn." "I mean, I know why I put up with you guys, but how are you dealing with your other clients?" "He's not." "Everybody's pissed at him." "Anyway, good-bye, Gabe." "Good-bye, Lauren." "He just... he..." "He's just a sick bastard." "You know, he's showing me the... the shower thingy, you know?" "Now, wait a minute- you're... you're here." "Yeah." "We're having lunch." "Right." "Right." "The live one." "The live one you've named three times already, Lauren." "Okay, you name five "Kiss" records." "Okay, I will." "No, don't." "Never mind." "Just show me one adult woman who could." "Okay." "Ten Ryan O'Neal movies." "Ten Ryan O'Neal mo..." "This is so easy." "I'm going to get you started." "Love Story, Oliver's Story." "See, this is why I hate playing this game with you, 'cause you won't even let me guess." "And I had one, too, a really good one." "The one with the... the bare-ass jeans." "And you asked me how I was." "Well, we... we got way too much going on right now for me to think about how I am, but it's not good." "But listen, you were... you were supposed to take me to lunch, and I'm eating pizza out of my bare hand." "Pizza and Ryan O'Neal- what the fuck?" "I can tell you're trying not to "talk-talk. "" "Listen, this has nothing to do with us." "Everything is fine, and... and I have absolutely no reason to feel..." "But you do." "Yeah, but..." "All I ever hear from you is," ""I have no reason to feel this way"," ""I have no excuse to feel that way"." "Haven't you learned anything from being a New Yorker?" "I mean, since when do we need a reason to do anything?" "You feel sh.tty, you feel sh.tty." "Well, I'm afraid this is a little bit more all-encompassing than just feeling shitty." "Hey." "Okay, you are taking me to my energy enthusiast appointment right now." "I should make you get a treatment." "Your what?" "Actually, you should." "I'm worried." "Just trust me." "Yeah, okay." "I'm..." "I'm up for anything." "Here." "Hey, Silvia." "Hey." "Can I go right back?" "Sure." "I'm just here to do a little energy work." "Yeah, you know, just charge the batteries a little bit." "Yeah." "Get some juice." "You know." "All righty, then." "Gabriel." "Who are we seeing tonight?" "A band called Vulvic N uisance." "They're actually a punk-funk band." "And they're the latest rage." "Says who?" "Says ages 18 to 25." "Actually, I signed them in a drunken stupor and now I can't get rid of them." "They're in my office every day." "So tell me something- is that dad of yours ever gonna write that play?" "I think it's going to be a hit." "You do, huh?" "Me, too." "Do you think Mom and Dad are all right?" "I think so." "I hope so." "Look." "All right, don't move a muscle." "Someone has to put that mime out of our misery." "Oh, no." "Oh, you got a hole in your pants, mime." "I nappropriate." "So what do you think of this place?" "It's okay." "Wow, how fucking old are you?" "Twelve." "Wicked!" "A little over a decade." "How come guys act so stupid like that?" "You mean, besides being piss drunk and retarded?" "Well, not just him." "Like all guys." "Like, guys in my class act like that, too." "Most of them aren't drunk." "Are we talking about somebody in particular?" "Maybe." "Maybe?" "All right, here's what you have to do:" "you have to see if the guy is an ass or if he's just being an ass." "Oy, Riggs!" "Go away, chief." "I'm coming over there to smell your fingers." "Yeah, I think you'll just know." "Boys and girls, Vulvic Nuisance!" "Hey, Slutty Sluts, sing along!" "I like your band." "What do you think they're doing?" "They're probably skating or dancing, 'cause Sushi's turned Cari into quite the ballet aficionada." "Yeah, definitely." "Yup, they're at the ballet with Sushi." "Yeah." "Is this ready to go?" "That suitcase- is it ready?" "M m, yeah." "Yeah." "What time are you gonna be back from work?" "When?" "Tomorrow." "Oh, no, I'm not going." "I'm just, I'm gonna call in." "I thought if you didn't finish the revisions, you couldn't go." "No." "Okay, where to begin?" "Maybe start with the women." "Okay, let's start with Annie." "In Colorado, at grad school, I met sweet Annie." "And then, bam, I'm an architect, a father, a husband, and..." "Wow, man, Elizabeth!" "That's the only time I've really been sure about anything, totally present." "My whole life never seems to catch up to that moment." "But to be unsure..." "I don't know." "What if there's no reason in your life to feel shitty, but you do anyway?" "No enemy to point at?" "What do you do then?" "I mean, I look at all the people around me..." "Gabe?" "What are you doing?" "Working!" "Freezing!" "Hey!" "Oh, it looks great, Dad!" "It's great to see you, Gabe-O." "How are you?" "Good." "Annie tells me you're busy." "I mean, you know, she tells me you're busy, I know you're busy." "Dad, he's always busy!" "Gabe-O's fine." "I'm not too busy, not too busy." "How about you?" "Oh, how do I look?" "Yeah, you look good." "Erik is doing the Happy Polar Bears Tri Ath again this year." "You are?" "Yes." "Yeah, yeah." "Look, it's..." "Look, it's no big deal." "You do... you know, a few K run, a few K bike, a K or two ski..." "You should do it with me." "It'll be fun." "It's very low-key." "Why don't you do it with us?" "Oh, wow I don't know." "The altitude" " I forgot about what it's like here." "That's a lot of Ks and stuff." "That's..." "K, K..." "I'm..." "I'm more of..." "I'm not the jolly jogger kind of, but a little air hockey tournament, I'm your man." "Air hockey." "Ah, come on." "Are you sure?" "You won't...?" "Annie, what about you, honey?" "I'm in." "I'm in." "Yeah?" "Okay." "So, Dad says you're writing a book or something?" "A play." "You know, you should do it up here." "Sidney Sheldon's got a place up here in the Summer." "Oh, wow!" "What's it about?" "It's..." "It's like..." "Jesus Christ Superstar." "You know that one?" "Only on ice." "What does that mean?" "No, it's... it's... it's..." "I'm just kidding." "It's, like, about relationships." "It has nothing to do with Jesus Christ Superstar." "At all." "What kind of relationships?" "You know, just, just people and" "I got to say that I like James Bond more than..." "All I'm asking is for you to spend time with my family." "Why is that so hard?" "You know what this means to my dad." "All I'm saying is just, let me just..." "I..." "You know, I'll catch up with you later." "I just want to be at my best." "Don't make a big deal, Annie." "Come on." "Why did you come here?" "What do you mean?" "What?" "What?" "Why did you come?" "What favor did you think you were doing me?" "You're rude to my family." "You talk to them like they're idiots!" "Now, come on, I'm not rude to your family." "Your family's fine, all right?" "I'm the same as I've always been with your family." "They just don't get me." "Oh, my God, no!" "Sometimes you're just..." "Why?" "Why?" "Please tell me why does my family not get you?" "Give it a rest!" "Why?" "Because you're so goddamn complex?" "Give it a rest, Annie!" "No." "Tell mel Why?" "Why?" "Do I get you?" "Oh, do you get me?" "No, you don't get me." "What the hell are you doing?" "Sorry." "Oh, that's good." "You all right?" "Oh, God!" "You feel better?" "Yes, I do." "This is great!" "We're just entering some really nice kind of white trash behavior." "Why don't we punch some sheetrock walls, Annie, you know, and have the cops show up, and...?" "Come on." "I know you know how you've been pushing my buttons." "Yeah, I have." "Yeah." "I think that I should probably... go home." "Not what I thought you were going to say." "Everything okay?" "Yeah, fine." "Let's go on the happy hike." "Well, let's go." "Come on." "Look, look, I'm..." "I'm tired of waiting, Rocky." "No, Glenn Masters called me directly, not Lauren, but Glenn himself, to request a new designer." "Yeah, okay." "Gabe left-left and didn't deliver the designs again." "He just, he just left." "He's a distracted guy, but when I talked to him, his designs..." "Come on, I've been through this a thousand times with him." "No." "I'm over it." "I'm done." "He knows this is coming." "He knows this is coming." "No one ever knows they're gonna be fired, even if they say they do." "He's done, over!" "I wanted you to hear it from me." "You're not pissed, are you?" "Oh, no." "No, no." "I'm not, I'm..." "I'm glad you were the one to fire me." "I guess I just feel a bit..." "stupid, you know?" "Embarrassed." "I shouldn't be surprised." "Michael thought you'd feel that way." "Oh, he did?" "Well, fuck him." "Tell him I was totally surprised." "What..." "What about Lauren's project?" "Lauren's cool." "Look, your designs are basically finished." "We're just dealing with engineering now." "Don't sweat it, man." "Fuck it." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Listen, I'm gonna take off, okay?" "I just don't..." "I want to get some air and go for a little walk and..." "Gabe, Gabe, are you okay?" "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, I just want to..." "I just want to..." "I'll see you." "You call me if you need anything." "Hey, Noname." "# Noname. #" "Gabriel?" "Is he in the bathroom writing again?" "I don't think so." "Gabe?" "Okay." "What is it going to be, chicken or fish?" "Whatever." "No, no, come on, you're the boss tonight." "I promised." "Mom?" "How come you and Dad are so mad at each other?" "Why can't you be like when we were in Maine for the Summer?" "We still love each other." "It's, it's just..." "Just what?" "How come the only time you guys are together is with me?" "Oh, baby, is that true?" "Yeah." "Come here." "Look in the fucking fire." "Dare to go at the pivotal moments whenever you think it's too uncomfortable to look at." "look at it, write it." "When Annie said..." "Why did you come?" "What favor did you think you were doing me?" "Aah, give it a rest, Annie!" "No, tell me." "Why?" "Why?" "Do I get you?" "No, you don't get me." "I'm not gonna let us do this to each other." "Not a chance." "So let's dance." "Okay." "What are you doing?" "Are you drunk?" "Listen, I spoke to Pamela, and she was really impressed with the outline and she said she would continue to look at what I do," "I mean, if I really go back and make it great." "She didn't really exactly say that, but..." "What, you mean the... the play?" "Yeah, yeah." "Isn't that great?" "Yeah, no, that's great, I just..." "I just, I... what does that mean?" "Okay, Annie, I want, I want you to take a look at it and tell me what you think." "I want you to read it, Annie." "I can't." "Not yet." "Why not?" "It scares me." "It's a stupid outline of a play." "It's not even a play yet." "It's just..." "Okay." "But it's great." "I'm, I'm really excited for you." "I'll see you at home." "Okay..." "Ja, ja..." "Are you ever not smoking, Saffron Genitalia?" "It's Jenetard." "Jenitards?" "Jenetal." "You know, we don't need your kind of trouble here in these parts." "What kind of trouble is that?" "It's the kind of trouble you, you can't flush because it just keeps floating." "That's very, very clever." "Okay, so..." "Okay, all right, you want to know how it works?" "This is how it works." "I haven't listened to it yet, but every time you call me," "I'm going to listen to one less song on the demo." "All right?" "I promise I'll listen to it." "Okay." "Thank you." "Patience is a virtue." "Hey." "Hi." "What do you think?" "So...?" "She liked it... and... she might possibly even rep me." "She said that?" "No, she didn't say that." "She didn't say that at all, actually." "I'm just... making it up." "I'm pretending she said that, but she did like it." "She did?" "Yeah." "Fan-fucking-wonderful, man!" "Sachi... he's rubbing off on me." "Okay." "So this is wonderful news." "What's with the pouty face?" "I just saw Annie and she refuses to read it." "She says that it's scary to her." "Well, I mean, you do talk constantly about how the play is about a man who is lost, so, you know, how do you expect her to feel?" "Yeah, but, you know, it's not." "It's, like, symbolic of a, you know, a man, not, not who lost himself, but it symbolizes a man who, you know, is finding himself." "So what's scary about that?" "Well, that's exactly what she's afraid of maybe, Zoom." "I mean, what is she going to find there?" "You just have to think of it from her side, rather than yours." "People do that?" "Every day." "How can you be so sure, though?" "Trust me, I'm sure." "I'm even afraid of what you're gonna do to me in the play." "Well, you should be." "You know, they're good, by the way." "What's their name?" "Placenta, but we are talking them into changing it to Peacepipe." "Why?" "Are you okay?" "Mr. Richmond?" "I'm pretty sure Dr. Martin will see you now." "Mr. Richmond, thanks for coming." "Well, it's a bit complicated." "We tried to call your wife because these things are usually best handled between us girls, if you'll pardon my saying so..." "Is she... is she all set?" "Does she need...?" "Yeah, that's, that's plenty." "Maybe I've got a bag." "Your dad seems funny." "At least he came." "Elizabeth." "Lizard, come on, please, please." "Lizzy." "Hey." "Hey, what's going on?" "Why did you do that?" "Do what?" "Do what?" "Bring all that female stuff to school, to Dr. Martin's office, for the whole world to see!" "I'm sorry, I was..." "I was worried, Lizzy." "You're such an asshole sometimes!" "Just a minute now." "And you can't put this in your play." "I'm not one of your dumb characters." "I'm a person." "Elizabeth..." "Not that you care." "Oh, come on, all right, listen, I know you're upset, but you can't speak to me that way, all right?" "I put my sweater around me to hide it, and it fell off in front of everyone." "I'm fine, Dad, just forget it." "Hey, what's going on, huh?" "I don't know, I guess I'm just PMS'ing or something, you know, like you and Mom." "God, it just scared the shit out of me." "I mean, I was hovering over my body, watching this asshole act like a parent in a scene from "Little House on the Prairie" , you know, the special two-hour tampon episode." "I think I missed that one." "That's what it was like." "Hey, shh." "Lizzy?" "She's all right, she's sleeping." "I was out at a meeting all day and I didn't get the message until it was too late." "Everything's okay." "I went down to the school." "I heard." "Is she okay?" "Yeah, I mean, I think she was embarrassed and wanted to die, but from what I hear from her," "Zoom talked to her and she feels fine now." "Good." "Thanks for taking the time." "Surprised you could fit it in." "Well, yeah, I mean, I'm her father." "Oh, really, then why don't you act like it?" "I mean, you're more like her friend." "You're everybody's goddamn friend." "This isn't about the school, is it, Annie?" "If you want to talk about some other shit, that's fine, you know, we'll talk about it, but don't insinuate I'm a bad father." "I was there with her today and..." "All right, thank you, you're a good father." "But it's on your time." "It's when you feel like it." "How could you bring that up today, of all days?" "Cari, come on." "It's okay." "You know what?" "I..." "It's that uncomfortable houseguest-in-the-middle-of-a-fight thing." "I'm gonna get out of here." "I love you both, and... give my love to Lizzy, huh?" "I'd never let anything get in the way of Elizabeth." "Didn't know we were keeping score, Annie." "Come on!" "Jesus Christ!" "I tried to call you at Cari's, but you'd already gone." "And I apologized to her." "It was..." "It was rude of me." "Yeah, I went for a walk;" "I should've called." "I'm sorry." "Oh, no, no." "It's all right." "Annie, you know, we used to... just get along so much easier." "This isn't us." "I'm a little confused about what "us" is." "What do you mean?" "Well, do we feel like a husband and wife to you?" "We always... loved each other too much to... even think about... not being together." "If you... if you removed..." "Lizzy from our life, do you think you..." "Oh, but you can't." "You can't." "Lizzy's like... she's the best part of us." "I used to always..." "I always thought that with... with her between us that... we could get past the rest, you know?" "But I mean, that's not fair, especially to her." "What should we do?" "I just wish..." "Oh, God, I don't know." "I love you, but..." "I am really... angry... inside." "We need to get ourselves back, Annie." "Yeah." "So, I still come home and... expect to see her there, you know." "Who?" "Annie or Lizzy?" "Lizzy." "What do you miss most about having them around the house?" "Here's the thing." "You can love the idea of being alone when there's someone in the other room." "But when you're... you're alone, it's different." "It's... it's different." "Yeah." "You're alone." "But you know, it's good for you to be alone." "You're working it all out." "Drink some good bad booze." "What is it with you and bad booze?" "Does your body crave it or something?" "I think it does." "I think there's..." "You know, it's more immediate." "It just hits faster than the good stuff." "Yeah, yeah." "In like one sip." "Hello?" "Well, you sound like hell." "So, how's the play coming?" "yeah... gee, you know..." "Gabe, you know," "I got to tell you, I am so impressed with everything you've sent me so far, but..." "I really need to see that whole play." "You know, I've never really done this kind of thing before, so I don't know if it's..." "you know, it's coming together." "I mean, I'm trying." "But, you know, the good news is, with my life falling to shit, the play seems to be flourishing." "Well, that's good." "I mean, not that your life is falling to shit, but..." "I like to hear the word "flourishing. "" "Yeah." "Well, you know, the play's been my therapy, along with actual therapy, that is." "Yeah, you know, I'm just writing, and at this point, I really don't even care if anyone sees it." "Gabe, you know, I know you've been going through hell, and, look, I mean, we've all been there, and blah, blah, blah, who cares?" "And I know, I know, I keep harping on all this devotion-to-craft stuff, but... just don't get so involved in your own shit that you forget the favor I'm doing you." "I am not a therapist." "I am not a writing coach." "I sell plays." "But if I'm involved, I do care if someone sees this play." "You're hyping me." "You're, you're trying to give me a pep talk." "Call it what you will, but don't fuck it up." "Gabe..." "I think you've got a real shot here." "I mean, what can I tell you?" "Human suffering's in vogue, but..." "Look, if we play our cards right, we can turn all this male angst into some money." "I know, that's not why you're writing it." "But it does make the journey just a little sweeter." "Are you the devil?" "I hope so, honey." "So you just keep going, and you let that play have its own life, and you have yours, all right?" "Okay." "Writing Elizabeth's scenes needs to be done with sensitivity." "Put yourself in her shoes, for Christ's sake." "Hello?" "It has been a... very long time." "I know." "Well..." "Lizzy... sort of kind of helped me not be so closed-minded, I guess, and..." "Well, yeah, that sounds great." "Yeah." "Especially the part where I get to relax." "Okay." "Come on, Noname." "Hello!" "I'm here!" "Come on, Noname." "Hey, I'm here!" "Got all my stuff!" "My typewriter, dog's typewriter." "Hey!" "Sorry." "What a surprise!" "You took a cab all the way from the city?" "Yeah, sure did - well, we stopped, got a bite to eat." "Mamute, Lauren." "Hello." "Lauren, Mamute." "You are the only guy from Manhattan who would do that." "Should we invite Mamute in for a kiss?" "Yeah, is that cool?" "Come on, Noname." "Come on." "You gonna be able to work here?" "Yeah, as long as you got a good toilet." "Can I talk to you about something?" "I mean, I don't want to make a big deal out of it and be all goofy or anything, but I was just thinking that, you know, our special friendship, that maybe I should... or we should concentrate more on the friendship," "less on the special..." "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down." "You didn't take a taxi all the way from New York to tell me that." "No." "I came here so that I could be with you and... and breathe easier." "And I am." "It's great." "I told you where I was coming from." "So, relax." "No worries." "You want to sleep in the guest room?" "No." "Maybe I should." "How's that for an answer?" "I think that's a fine answer." "A writer writes." "A writer writes, right?" "Lauren!" "In the bathroom." "Can you get it?" "Lauren's phone." "Get your ass back to the city, kiddo." "I have a perfect producer on the hook." "It's about to get interesting." "And Gabe, clean yourself up." "Fuck me." "Hey!" "Hi." "Have a seat." "So..." "So... they backed out of the deal." "I'm sorry." "So, what does that mean?" "We just wait and see what comes in, or what I can maneuver." "It may take a little time." "It may take some time." "Just so you know, that sort of sounds deathly cancerous." "I mean, what the fuck am I going to do?" "Well, you just keep on writing." "Oh, come on." "No, you come on, I..." "I can't..." "I mean, Jesus, Gabriel!" "I mean, this isn't some kind of a fluke." "If you're really serious about this, you just keep at it." "Just be patient." "This is what I do." "I'm living out of a suitcase, Pamela." "Gabriel, I love you, I really do, but this fucking whining white guy shit has gotta stop." "You just use this time to work on your writing, to prove to yourself that you are a writer." "Just keep on going." "Just polish." "Thank you for the flowers." "# Whenever you need me, I'll be there #" "You gotta just try shucking the corn." "I don't get..." "I don't really get it." "Yeah." "It's clear." "I don't think I wanna understand it." "No, no, I... it's just... that's too weird." "I think... okay, for a woman," "Don't knock it." "I think maybe yeah, because it's nice and smooth." "Like, let's say you're going, you're going down on her, and she's all wet and slippery." "Oh, God!" "And she..." "Mama loves Daddy, Mama loves Daddy," "Mama loves Daddy, Mama loves Daddy!" "No, I..." "I honestly don't get the whole vagina fascination thing of yours." "I don't get it." "Well, you wouldn't." "No, I mean, look." "No, no." "Freedom's about choice." "Yeah." "Okay, you turn a woman upside down, what do you get?" "Relatively the same thing at both ends." "You turn a man upside down, honey, you get a choice." "Barbecue." "Yes." "It's better." "I've done both." "I know." "You?" "What do you mean?" "I was with a woman." "Junior year in college, there's this girl determined to make me her little Mandingo chocolate fantasy." "And I wasn't the one trying to be Tarzan to her playing Jane." "Miss thing comes into my room... she's got nothing but the robe on... sits down... and spreads her legs." "Yeah?" "It looked like a boiled egg with a split in it." "Oh, God!" "Mommy loves Daddy." "It's ug..." "You've got to admit it's..." "No, it looked like Mick Jagger sideways." "You know, like them child-bearing lips?" "Got it, I got it, yeah." "Oh, honey, we're rolling stone, go roll on home." "Bartender, can we get the gentleman here the... a vodka with... with corn..." "With corn." "And a vodka for me, with a little..." "little egg." "Get me a... get me a big corn." "Or a corn." "Hi!" "You's a squirrel, you're gonna get a nut." "I don't know, life..." "life has a sense of humor." "My dad wanted an ultra-macho son." "Instead, he got me." "Spent most of my childhood trying to... beat the fabulous out of me." "To no avail." "When I... when I got in trouble, my dad used to say," ""Just go ahead, pick the punishment", you know, as long as... you're creative and as long as he got to approve it." "So, you know, he would have me read a book." "Cari and I... as soon as we got in trouble or thought we were going to get in trouble, we would just go and we would get some books." "And we were inseparable, even then." "And it was so much fun being on the roof with her, 'cause when... when..." "Gabriel, Gabriel." "What?" "Who are you right now, man?" "You're just like... you're just like... you're turning into the blabbering bar guy." "No, I'm not." "Do you even know that I'm here?" "You're just like..." "Bip, bip, bip, bip." "Good Lord." "You... what are you talking about?" "You've just been talking about Cari all day." "No, I... no." "Come on." "No, no, it's cool." "It's great." "You like her, so that's good." "You guys ever Humpty Dumpty?" "Did we ever Humpty Dumpty?" "Come on, Rock." "She's my friend." "I..." "Yeah, we humped once." "In... high school." "Yeah, it was..." "I don't really remember it very well, but, one of us puked." "That's the split egg thing." "I'm sorry." "What..." "You need to just stop all the hesitation in your life." "Can I tell you a story?" "Is it a... is it going to be a... a long story?" "Yeah." "Well, first, growing up black and gay... had its challenges." "Hold on... you're gay?" "I could have also been a dwarf, but... but that wasn't the toughest shit I dealt with." "Toughest thing I ever dealt with in my life was just being in love." "You were in love?" "Yeah." "Luis, the Greek God of Spanish Harlem, 174 pounds of papi chulo, and... and..." "I got up my courage..." "You mean... you mean, you..." "you said that you loved him?" "And he didn't feel the same way about me." "Broke my heart." "That's just so depressing!" "No." "You know what?" "I realized..." "I had a heart to break." "All this time, I'd been emotionally numb, and now I was feeling..." "I wasn't feeling what I wanted to feel, but I was alive again." "You understand?" "And deep, honest love like that, it doesn't happen every day." "Are you talking about Cari?" "I'm talking about feelings." "You've been talking about Cari." "Better be Freddie Mercury." "Zoom." "Hey." "What... what are you doing?" "It's 4:00 a.m." "You okay?" "Yeah." "Oh, yes, I am." "I'm drunk, a little." "Yeah." "What happened?" "But I know what I'm doing." "Where did you go?" "Hi." "Hey." "Come on, sit down." "I just..." "Okay." "Do you want some coffee?" "Yes, please." "No!" "No." "No, I just want... can you just listen to me for a second?" "'Cause I've been walking around and thinking about us." "You and Annie?" "No." ""Us" - you mean you and me." "Bingo!" "Yeah." "Yeah, Annie... and me, that would be "them", right?" "Cari, it's always been there." "I mean, come on." "See what I'm...?" "I'm going to get us that coffee." "Yeah, no, no, no, Cari." "No, I..." "I got to get..." "I got to get this all out at once." "I love you." "I love you." "I'm in love with you." "I always have been." "You're in love with me, and it works." "Okay?" "It works." "It's right." "You're sweet, but you're drunk." "No, no, no." "It's not that." "No, no." "Yeah, you are." "What is it?" "Things okay?" "Hey." "Yeah, it's just Gabe." "Hi, Gabe." "Why don't you go back to bed?" "I'll be up in just a few minutes." "Okay, hon." "Fuck!" "I didn't know." "What are you doing?" "Just let me... excuse me." "I'm not..." "I'm not kidding." "Well, I want coffee, so... you're gonna have some, whether you like it or not." "I'm deadly serious, you know." "You-you-you love me, too." "Of course, I love you." "I'm your best friend, okay?" "No..." "Cari," "I'm talking about love." "I'm talking about everything." "Just, just laughing and..." "love!" "Like full-throttle, hugs, kisses, crying, you know, making love like we used to." "Like that." "Okay, look... we had sex one time, and you puked." "That is not burning." "That does not qualify as romance." "I mean, indigestion, maybe some bad Yukon Jack." "But burning?" "Romance?" "No." "All right, listen." "Cari, listen." "You know, we were kids." "Right?" "So..." "All right." "Like my play." "Okay." "I know, I..." "No, just listen, listen, listen!" "I have been listening!" "I've heard everything that you've said." "Now, stop it." "You're drunk." "All right?" "Look, I know you've been going through a terrible time, and believe you me," "I feel your pain as if it were my own, but Jesus, you don't come waltzing into somebody's house at 4:00 in the morning, I might add - and... and go dictating love all over the place." "Jesus, Zoom, what... what did you expect anyway, really?" "Look, we have the best goddamn thing around, but I think now you're confused, and, and you're... and you're reaching." "No..." "You're afraid." "I'm not afraid anymore." "Is that so?" "Yeah, it's so." "So, I see you have this all fucking figured out." "It's my fear." "It's my fear that has been just waiting here for you to come here drunk in the middle of the night to save me?" "It doesn't even faze you how selfish this is, that you would come in here gushing your love all over the place without even thinking about how I feel." "You have been married for years and years, and my role has been to be your best friend" "And your wife's best friend and your daughter's best friend." "I exist... okay?" "I exist." "And goddamn it, I will not be a new way for you to experience yourself!" "Cari... fuck me..." "Okay, look, I..." "I want you to stay here tonight, because I don't want you" "But..." "I don't want to talk to you... until you realize" "You know, just... sleep it off and sober up, and-and... we'll talk in the morning." "You haven't heard a word I said." "Yes, I have." "I really would like you to hear what I said, okay?" "Go on, get some sleep." "We'll talk later." "And don't throw up on my blanket." "Now what?" "What have you done?" "I'm sorry, Noname." "Mind if I use the bed?" "Okay." "Turned my life inside out." "Almost lost it all in the park." "Apologized to the dog." "You ready to go to work?" "All right." "All systems go." "How's your play going?" "Great!" "Really great, I think." "Or it's just a... a really good version of shit;" "I don't know." "Am I in it?" "Yeah." "I mean, yeah, sort of." "I mean, you know, I mean, the characters aren't..." "They're different." "Nothing's real in the play, so..." "I bet I'll be able to tell who everyone is." "Really, you think so?" "Look, let me just read..." ""All I'm asking is for you to do... "" "Sorry. "All I'm asking for you to do is be with my family."" ""Just go on the goddamn happy hike, Gabe!"" ""You don't have to be happy, just get off your goddamn ass."" "And then the character named Gabriel says:" ""I think I'm coming down with something, altitude sickness."" ""Or Republican flu."" ""Just go without me."" ""Maybe I'll catch up." What do you think?" "It's okay." "Yeah, see, it's all..." "It's good." "It's good." "You're gonna change the character names, though, right?" "Yes." "Well, no, it's..." "Good point." "Do you miss me?" "Yeah." "Of course." "Always." "And Mom?" "Do you miss Mom?" "Sure." "This Winston guy, he seems... good guy, huh?" "Yeah." "He's really nice, but he's not there that much." "Yeah." "He seems good for your mom, yeah?" "Hey, you know what?" "I'm kind of hungry." "Are you hungry?" "You want to get some dinner?" "Dad... who do you see?" "Besides your funny toilet and Noname and me." "I don't know, you know?" "I..." "I like just seeing me and you and Noname." "Why don't you see Cari?" "Why don't I see Cari?" "Yeah, well, I don't know, you might know more about that than me." "I don't." "She told me not to worry." "That made me worry." "What else did she...?" "No, you know what, I don't really want to... talk about this, is..." "is that okay?" "Yeah?" "I know I'm just a kid..." "But I hate seeing you alone." "I mean, you always told me: "Success is nothing without someone to share it with."" "Know what I mean?" "Good thing I'm not successful." "Did I say that?" "Actually, Billy Dee Williams did in Mahogany, but you know." "Ah, right." "I'm serious." "I mean... being alone is okay, but being alone with someone is good, too." "And you, you, you... smarty, smart." "How did you get so smart, you?" "I guess I got it from Mom." "Oh, really?" "You're probably right." "I'm joking." ""Multiple Sarcasms, a stage experience by Gabriel Richmond"?" "You finally finished this time?" "Yeah, but not totally." "I mean, I don't know, I like it, I like it a lot, but it's... it's kind of..." "I don't have anyone to bounce stuff off, just my dog, so..." "Okay, like what kind of stuff?" "I don't know, like, the other day" "I was thinking "douche bag", the word "douche bag"." "It's funny, right?" "Yeah, it's funny in a kind of... sophomoric way, but..." "Yeah, or "colostomy bag" - that's funny." "Ah, see, I like that." "See?" "Total collaboration." "I just really like that; that's great." "Am I in it?" "'Cause you know if I'm in it, I'm gonna be easy to spot." "You think you're gonna be easy to spot, huh?" "No, see, I made you a... a dwarf... named Rockette." "Fine Negro enters stage left - that's me, bitch." "Wait, wait, wait!" "Okay." "Over here." "Go over there." "Ah, perfect!" "Again, again!" "Come on, try it." "What a dweeb!" "And got it," "I know what you're thinking." "We all got Liza." "The truth is..." "It's not that your timing sucks." "She's my best friend and she thinks" "I'm talking about fucking up our relationship." "You're just drunk." "But pure love is... scary." "We are soul mates." "Very self-serving." "You should have no other choices, but you do..." "Hey." "Hey I" "Oh, yeah, oh, yeah." "This is definitely the fun part." "I am holding what I hope will guarantee you at least 14 minutes of fame." "And I got enough copies for you to send to anybody who's ever fucked you over." "It's what we call "I told you so" copies." "What...?" "It's pretty exciting, huh?" "Yeah." "So, look who I ran into on the street outside." "Hey." "I'll just let you two alone to enjoy the moment." "I gotta be going, anyway." "Gabriel, I want to see you back at the office." "The producers want to take us out to dinner tonight, which is a very good sign." "When a play opens, they either send you flowers with a condescending note, or they take you out to dinner." "Dinner means you're a hit." "Dinner's good." "All right, well, see you later." "Hey, Noname, guess who's here?" "Look who's here, yeah." "So you were there, huh?" "Yeah." "Hey, pooh, what's new with you, huh?" "How you doing?" "You saw it?" "The play's really good." "Some of it hurt, but..." "Of course, I was there." "No, actually, I knew you were there." "Lizzy told me." "Hey, do you want some..." "tea, or something?" "No, no, um..." "Winston and Lizzy are waiting for me at the gallery." "Oh, okay." "How's Winston?" "Good." "You saw it." "You liked it?" "I did." "You did it." "I mean, you did it." "Yeah, yeah, I did it." "Yeah." "Only at the expense of everything." "You look good." "Happy." "You seem happy." "Yeah, I am." "And proud, too, I guess, that I... you know, that I did this." "Well, you should be." "Wanna get married?" "Yeah." "I thought I'd see Cari at the theater, and then Lizzy said that there was..." "I don't know what, a misunderstanding?" "I mean, I haven't seen her for a while myself." "A misunder..." "Well, I guess I misunderstood the misunderstanding." "No." "Well, whatever it is, I'm sorry." "So, you were in the neighborhood?" "Well, I drop Lizzy off, you pick her up, and" "I've wanted to call for a while, and I just... wanted to tell you how happy I am for you." "Thank you." "Annie, listen," "I realize that... all along I really should have been just so much more..." "No, no, don't." "I know." "You, take care of him." "Not a word." "If you could write it over..." "Oh, boy." "would you be less selfish?" "More brave?" "Or would you do it the same?" "Gabriel... walks over to Mari, cutting her off before she can say anything." "I know what you're thinking." ""Where was he ten years ago?" Right?" "Wrong." "Think about what Ann and I got out of the marriage." "We all got Liza." "She's such a beautiful girl." "And you loved Ann as much as I did." "I think that we all got most of our immature bugs out over the last ten years." "We weren't hiding from the truth." "We were waiting for the truth to find us." "Sorry." "Are you serious?" "Is this really the schmaltz you're gonna throw at me?" "It's pretty corny, huh?" "We weren't hiding from the truth." "It's just that the lie got bigger." "Hey, guys." "How's it going?" "Yeah, this is a bitch." "Why don't you let me try?" "I love you, and I'm sure of it." "I'm sure of it forever." "When I wake up hung over tomorrow," "I'll be sure of it." "And I'll tell you the same tomorrow, tell you the same next week," "I'll tell you the same next year." "I love you forever, and I am sure of it." "I love you forever, and I am sure of it." "I love you... forever." "And I'm sure of it." "This is working?" "I'm feeling sick from all that fake stage booze." "Why don't you fill in for me for the sex scene?" "All right." "I think I'm in love with both of you." "Can we have a three-way?" "I guess that's it." "Happy ever after." "So this is how it works." ""Zoom..." ""Now I have never been more sober." "For the past few months... "" "Captain and Tennille." "Looks more like Gilligan's Island to me." "You in three years." "What would you change?" "Would you do any of it differently if you could?" "If you could write it over?" "Hey." "Hi."