"This is you." "Eyes closed, out in the rain." "You never thought you'd be doing something like this." "You never saw yourself as, I don't know how you'd describe it, as... like one of those people who like looking up at the moon, or who spend hours gazing at the waves or the sunset or... I guess you know what kind of people I'm talking about," "Maybe you don't." "Anyway, you kinda you kinda like it being like this, fighting the cold" "and feeling the water seep through your shirt and getting through to your skin." "And the feel of the ground growing soft beneath your feet and the smell." "And the sound of the rain hitting the leaves." "All the things they talk about in the books that you haven't read." "This is you." "Who would have guessed it?" "." "You." "Lesson 3." "Dialogue." "Catch this." "You give me the big one." "OK." "Don't you even..." "So how come you always get... why do you always get the big one?" "I deserve the big one..." "Maybe you should just try and you know to get chalk of the blackboard." "Laurie..." "Oh, I'm trying to blow it away from you." "l thought you were quitting." "l am quitting. I'm quitting, quitting." "That's great." "I can't quit smoking and quit eating at the same time." "You don't have to quit eating." "Why would you have to quit eating?" "You just don't understand." "You lose weight just by thinking about it." "I swear you're slimmer now than you were a month ago." "No, you're imagining it." "l am not." "When you're fat like I am, the only thing you see is other women's bodies." "It's the only thing you see." "Laurie, you're crazy." "You're not fat at all, okay?" "I know fat people." "You're not one of them." "Look at this tummy." "It's not the tummy of a fat person." "As for me, I'm eating the same as always." "Yesterday, I ate a whole litre of ice-cream." "I haven't had ice-cream in so long." "Say, you're not following one of those ice-cream diets are you?" "Yeah, Ben and Jerry's miracle diet." "Really?" "No." "You know what I'm thinking of right now?" "What?" "Corn on the cob." "With lots of salt, lots of butter." "Just talking about diets makes me hungry." "See you tomorrow." "All right." "See you tomorrow." "Tomorrow." "Bye." "is Don going to look for another job?" "Don's always looking for another job." "I could try and get him something at the hotel." "That's okay." "Last thing I need is for you two to fight there as well." "Why do you have to listen to this stuff?" "Why can't you listen to music like normal people?" "No one's normal, Mom." "No such thing as normal people." "Some muffins for the girls, for breakfast." "They're a little squashed, but they're fine." "Who rented Nathan's house?" "I don't know." "Someone's moving in on Sunday." "Barry Manilow." "What?" "Barry Manilow." "He's normal." "Good night, mom." "Come on." "Move over, buddy." "Are those your feet or are you rubbing ice-cubes down my legs?" "Yes, they are ice-cubes." "Okay, warm them up." "That's my only choice." "I'm cold up here, too." "I'm cold everywhere." "Did you put all the laundry in the basket?" "Yes." "Thank you." "Are you tired?" "Okay." "No!" "I think you're too little." "I'll tell you when you're older." "You guys want some more milk?" "Please, please, tell me now." "Drink up your milk." "We've going to go in about five minutes, all right?" "You've spilt your milk." "I told you, you're too little." "Shit, Patsy, can you not drink a glass of milk for once without spilling it?" "No, no, no." "What are you doing?" "Daddy, why don't the Flintstones ever go to the beach?" "I don't know." "Don't change the subject." "Where does Mommy keep your sweaters?" "Mommy, I ate all my cereal and Patsy didn't." "It's okay, we have accidents." "OK." "Under the girls' bed, in the green box, there's another sweater under there." "Okay, put up your arms." "Come on, we've got to take this off, okay girlie?" "Got a little bit of milk on you." "Are you stuck?" "Where's Patsy?" "I don't know." "There's Patsy." "There you go." "Here you go." "Put that on." "Lance's brother rang me last night." "He said he might have something for me." "No way!" "Great!" "Where are the keys?" "I can't find the keys." "They're still in the ignition, I think." "They are?" "Girls, you've got to put on your jackets." "Mommy, do I have to tell Patsy where babies come from?" "l think she's too little." "She is too little." "Can you put on your jacket first?" "They opened a swimming pool business in Wilmington Drive." "No way." "Yeah." "I know." "Good luck." "Yeah, thank you." "Can you..." "You pick up the girls from school, because I might not be back till later." "Yeah, sure." "No problem." "Okay." "Guys?" "Put on your hats and gloves, okay?" "I'm going to warm up the car and we're going to be gone in two minutes, okay?" "Two minutes." "Yes!" "I want you to help Patsy with hers as well, okay?" "So get yours on and help." "Bye, guys." "Have a good day." "Bye, Mom." "I got you, I got you." "Ann, I'm hanging out some wash." "You got anything you want me to hang out?" "Ann, are you in there?" "Put your clothes in the bag, and put on the robe." "Do you know if this is going to take long?" "l'm supposed to pick up my kids." "l really have no idea." "Can I just go tell my Mom to pick them up for me?" "We can't make any exceptions." "Is your mother outside?" "Yeah, she came with me." "Ann Matland." "l forgot to tell her." "l'll see what I can do." "Now if you could get undressed or you really will be here all day." "Thank you." "John," "Charlie Bob, Seymour," "Jack and Bill." "Follow me, please." "Hey, do you know if the other nurse told my mom she had to go pick up my kids?" "I was supposed to go and pick them up today and..." "Who'd you tell it to?" "The other nurse." "I don't know her name." "Do you know how many nurses we have working in this hospital?" "Do you know what it's like to be waiting at the school gate all on your own, with your nose freezing to death while all the other kids get picked up by their moms?" "Yeah, I do." "I'II go see if I can find your mother." "Hi Ann." "I am Doctor Thompson, I'll be looking at the results of your ultrasound." "Why are we doing this again?" "How are your kids?" "I'm kind of worried, actually," "I was supposed to pick them up today so..." "Let's not worry about thatjust now." "This will be over in a few minutes." "Ann, would you excuse me for a moment?" "Yeah, sure. lt's your hospital." "Ann, this is Doctor Stuart and Doctor Lance." "Hi!" "Do you know if someone told my mom about picking up my daughters?" "We're only gonna take a few minutes, okay?" "Does your husband live with you?" "Yeah, he.. he builds swimming pools." "He was out all day today." "And you work at the university." "Yeah. I clean the university." "Nights." "And you're twenty-three... I'll be twenty four in December." "I'm an Aquarius." "How about you?" "What star sign are you?" "What the hell is happening to me?" "We've done the scan three times and..." "Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to call your husband?" "No. I would prefer not to call him." "We've done the scan three times, and I've ordered a... a pre-biopsy..." "So, what?" "You have a tumour." "In both ovaries." "It's reached your stomach and it's beginning to spread to your liver." "Wow." "That's pretty far gone, eh?" "Ann, if you were twenty years older, the whole thing would be spreading more slowly we could operate on it." "But... your cells are very young." "Too young, in fact and I'm afraid there's..." "there's nothing we can do." "Wow." "How long?" "Two months, maybe three." "Here's me thinking I was pregnant..." "No, I'm afraid not." "I knew it was something pretty serious when you sat down here beside me." "They're renovating my office, changing the air-conditioning and..." "No, that's not true... I can't sit down in front of someone and tell them that they're gonna die... I've never been able to... the nurses are beginning to mention it." "Your family might wanna see another doctor, they might want a second opinion." "Someone who tells me the exact same thing as you, but looks me right in the eye?" "Can I get you a coffee?" "No." "Bourbon?" "Let me guess, you're goinna offer me a cigarette?" "No." "Do have a piece of candy?" "A piece of... ?" "Yeah." "It's pretty good... what flavour is that?" "Ginger." "It's pretty good." "It's a bit hot, but it's okay." "I've..." "I've prepared some leaflets, which more or less explain everything, and some recipes to help ease the nausea, and I'd like to see you next week." "I've given you an appointment and my direct line in case you need to call me." "Yeah..." "Okay." "Do you have another piece of candy?" "One for the road?" "I'm sorry, that was my last one..." "Next week I'll have more... candy." "Your Dad used to drink a bottle of bourbon and call it breakfast." "You get wired if you drink so much as a beer." "You didn't even take drugs during high school, just the odd drag of Don's joint." "Without inhaling, like that guy who used to be President of the United States, that guy Bill Clinton." "So, were they waiting long?" "Oh, good." "Good, thanks a lot, Mom." "I owe you one." "No, no, they're doing blood analysis." "Apparently I've got anaemia..." "that's why I've been fainting." "You know they're like, once they've got you, they don't want to let you go." "Trying out some new machine, they're like little kids." "You know, I should go, Mom, 'cause the nurse is coming to get me, I've got to go." "Okay, bye, thanks a lot." "Now you feel like you want to take all the drugs in the world." "But all the drugs in the world aren't going to change the feeling that your whole life's been a dream and it's only now that you're waking up." ""But I like to eat cake in a tub", laughed the cat." "'You should try it sometime", laughed the cat as he sat." "And then I got mad, there was no time for fun." "I said "Cat you get out!"" "Hi, Mommy." "Hi." "You've been good?" "Mom, can you tell us a story?" "Daddy says it too fast." "Hey." "Thanks a lot." "You little monster." "I don't read them too fast." "How are you?" "Good. I've got anaemia, that's why I've been fainting, so they gave me some iron and vitamins." "How did it go with Lance?" "I start on Monday." "Hey, no way!" "That's so good." "Yes." "I know, and there's enough work for a year at least." "That's so great!" "l know, it's great." "Did you give the girls something to eat?" "Daddy gave us milk shakes and fries." "He said we mustn't tell you." "It was so nice." "Mommy, I ate all my fries and all my milk shake." "Fries are vegetables, right?" "They're potatoes, which is a very good food." "It's one of the food groups." "I'm sorry, it was a little treat. I just got a job." "What is wrong with you?" "l'm sorry." "Okay." "The rafters, in a second." "Can I stay, or should I go?" "You can stay." "That's okay." "Good night, you two." "Close our eyes." "Close our eyes." "We're setting off." "Okay?" "Oh, no!" "It's getting wavier and wavier and we... and then we splash down in the water." "No," "what's that?" "ls that a shark?" "It is a shark." "They're really really mad at us." "They thought that this river was the ocean." "They're really mad!" "Here, I think you should eat those." "Are you going to go to work?" "Yeah, I'll go in." "Your mother said she could get a lift back if you want to rest." "No, I should go in." "I thought you were pregnant." "Yeah." "Me too." "You sure you're all right?" "Yes, I'm good, I'm just a little bit tired, that's all." "You know, next month when I get my paycheck we could go to Whalebay Beach." "Would you like that?" "Yeah, that'd be nice." "Patsy hasn't even been at the beach before." "Yeah. I've got a good feeling about things, with the swimming pools, I mean." "I really do." "Thinking." "You're not used to thinking." "When you have your first kid at seventeen with the only man you've ever kissed in your life, and then another kid when you're nineteen, with the same man, and you live in a trailer in your Mom's backyard," "and your Dad's been in jail for ten years, you never have time to think." "Maybe you're so out of practice you've forgotten how." "What is this?" "lt's coffee." "Yes. I asked for an espresso." "The espresso machine ain't working." "So if the espresso machine wasn't working, then why didn't you tell me the espresso machine wasn't working?" "I figured you wanted coffee." "You brought me a coffee." "I asked for an espresso." "Okay, just relax." "Come back next week, we'll have espresso." "Hey, could you please lend me a pen?" "Sure, honey, just tell me what you want first, so as I can write it down and then I can lend it to you, that way we'II all be happy." "Okay, I'll have..." "Don't say espresso because the espresso machine ain't working... don't say cappuccino 'cause it's the same machine." "Okay, I'll have a... a Danish." "Got no more 'til tomorrow." "Can I get then a coffee and just something sweet, like anything you have that's sweet." "Pineapple cheesecake?" "It's the sweetest thing we got." "Actually it's the only thing we've got." "That's fine, that's great." "Pineapple cheesecake." "Okay." "There you go, the world's sweetest cheesecake." "You can keep the pen for as long as you need it." "I already filled in the lottery ticket earlier." "What are you going to do if you win?" "Have you decided?" "Have I ever, honey." "I want to be like her." "I want her nose, her mouth, her eyes, her hair, her waist... I'm going to be so much like Cher that folks are gonna stop me in the supermarket and say" ""Wasn't it terrible what happened to dear old Sonny?"" "What do you think?" "I think that's a really fucking stupid idea." "I'm just kidding." "I think Cher is great." "Penny, Patsy, I'm making a big heap of pancakes." "If you don't come right this second I'm going to eat all of them all by myself." "I'm coming, Mommy." "Morning, buddy." "Hi, Mommy." "I guess Patsy doesn't want any pancakes, eh?" "No pancakes for Patsy." "is it Sunday yet?" "is it my birthday?" "No, but you know what?" "Last night I dreamt that you woke up like hungry lions and you ate lots of food." "I'll cut it up for you." "There you go." "Are you going to take the kids to school?" "The biggest lion of them all." "Go get him, Patsy." "Bye. I Iove you, my little lions, I Iove you so much." "I love you." "I kind of want... something different." "Different..." "To what I've got at the moment, I mean." "I could do you braids, but it wouId take all day... and I'm on my own here on Wednesdays, so..." "Not braids." "No way." "Well, you've got good hair for braids." "And you asked for something different, so..." "Braids are fine." "They look great on you, but... I was thinking of something more..." "How about blonde?" "Blonde?" "Something to kind of..." "brighten up my face a bit." "Something bright." "Like this?" "I was also wondering about false nails." "I don't have any nails and..." "The girl who does the nails doesn't come in Wednesdays." "You what then, why I don't just come back tomorrow then." "We can do it all at the same time, can't we?" "Braids as well?" "I'll think about it." "Ok, I'll see you tomorrow." "Bye." "I had two conventions today and I had to make a cake for three hundred people in the shape of a tyre." "I'm beat." "Even my hips ache." "I think I'm going to make an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow." "My knee's acting up again as well." "That damn cake must have weighed 30 pounds." "How about you?" "You feeling any better?" "Yeah, I'm feeling fine." "They say it's going to snow this weekend, but I don't think so." "I hate the snow." "I like the snow even less than I like the rain." "...because you'll never be anything but a common frump whose father lived over a grocery store and whose mother took in washing." "With this money, I can get away from every rotten stinking thing that makes me think of this place or you." "You must think I'm on a string." "Go away, Veda, come back, Veda ." "It isn't that easy." "Alone." "You're alone." "You've never been so alone in your live." "Lies are your only company." "GONE TO THE LAUNDROMAT." "WE'RE OUT FO CLEAN CLOTHES." "Can I get you something?" "Can I get a MoIson Canadian, please?" "Hi!" "Hi." "l haven't seen you here before." "No." "I'm sorry about the thing with the braids this morning." "I shouldn't really have suggested it, but I was having a kind of weird morning... you ever get those?" "You know, when youjust can't face the world?" "It's very stressful being a hairdresser, people expect a lot from you and sometimes you can't stand the pressure." "People want you to make them beautiful but sometimes it's just not possible." "You know what?" "Don't worry about it, I wasn't having a great morning either, so..." "Now, can I ask you a personal question?" "Do you Iike Milli vanilli?" "You mean those guys in shorts who didn't sing." "Oh, you're wrong there." "They did sing, but their producer wouldn't let them." "He practically blackmailed them and said he would tell everyone their secret, and he got all the royalties." "It was so unfair." "And later they showed that they could sing, but you know no one listened to them." "They were too fragile for the music industry." "What kind of music do you like?" "Music?" "God, I haven't listened to any music in so long." "I used to like Nirvana." "I went to one of their concerts... actually it was their last concert." "That's actually where l met Don, my husband." "He was..." "Hold that thought, Ijust got to get up and dance." "The DJ's a friend of mine." "I'll be back." "I'm going to go get a cup coffee next door." "I was wondering if maybe you wanted me to go and get you one too?" "No, thanks." "Yeah, actually, please, yeah." "Sure." "Milk and sugar, please." "Thanks." "Your coffee's cold." "I was kind of tired." "I washed, folded your laundry." "Thanks." "I didn't forget the softener, did I?" "No, you forgot the soap." "Were you watching me while I was asleep?" "Yeah, for a little while." "Sorry." "Why?" "I was snoring or...?" "No, you were drooling." "You drool when you sleep." "Are you that girl?" "That girl at the coffee shop that was writing in a journal the other day?" "Thanks for the jacket." "It's yours, isn't it?" "Yeah, you can keep it if you want." "It's mighty cold out there and I'm used to it." "I was in Alaska for three years, I lived there, I mean, two and a half." "It's all right." "I really like the cold." "It makes me feel really alive." "I've got to run. I've got two young kids." "You know how it is." "Sure." "Thanks." "l'll see you around." "My name's Lee." "Ann." "Are you sure that you don't need the jacket?" "No, no." "Go ahead, take it." "Okay. I've never been to Alaska." "I always really liked the sound of it." "l'll bring the jacket back, don't worry." "No. I want you to have it." "I like the idea of you wearing it." "That's nice." "I'll bring it back, don't worry." "You see things clearly now." "You see all these all these barrelled lifes, barrelled voices." "Milli Vanilli everywhere." "You look at all the things you can't buy, now you don't even wanna buy." "All the things that will still be here after you're gone." "When you're dead." "And then you realize that all the things in the bright window displays, all the models in the catalogues, all the colours, all the special offers, all the Martha Stewart recipes, all the piles of greasy food," "it's just all thereto try and keep us away from death." "And it doesn't work." "So, it turns out that she loved her daughter so much that she didn't tell her that she was her mother, because she didn't... she thought that would be better, the boy's parents would accept her better" "and the boy would ask her to marry him, which was what she wanted most in the whole world." "But it was a huge sacrifice, and she suffered a whole lot," "Mommy, Grandma told us a beautiful story about a mom who has lots of bad things happen to her, and it's really sad." "Goodness, how unusual." "I bathed them and Penny ate three slices of banana bread and Patsy drank some milk." "Lately she's been kind of off it." "Grandma's story's a movie," "Mommy, and she says she likes it a lot." "really?" "Yeah, Joan Crawford." "Joan Crawford, that's great!" "Okay, let's go, guys." "Patsy, put that down." "Patsy." "We're going." "I just wanted to keep them entertained, you know, so they don't watch so much TV." "Next time I'll keep my mouth shut." "Mommy, I don't want to go to school tomorrow." "l don't want to." "l know, I know." "I said thanks, okay?" "So just drop it." "I don't need your thanks." "Okay, so I'll take them back then." "All I did was watch your kids while you did your shopping." "You asked me to." "Yeah, I asked you to." "I didn't ask you to fill their heads with stupid stories about mothers making dumb-ass sacrifices." "What kind of stories do you want me to tell them?" "Cinderella?" "About murderous step-mothers?" "ls that what you want?" "Yes!" "There's times that you're just like your father, and let me tell you, it's not something I like." "You're wrong, there's times that I'm just like you, and it's not something I like either." "I'm sorry, it's just really tangled." "Patsy's always whining." "Penny, please don't pick on her." "You always complain when I brush your hair too." "Why do you have to do that?" "l wasn't picking on her." "And telling me that she's always complaining, that's not picking on her?" "I think so." "I wasn't picking on her." "I'm not always complaining." "Okay, that's enough, guys." "Go to bed, okay?" "Okay, good night, monkey girl." "You got kitty?" "Yeah." "There you go." "You've got some covers." "'Night, buddy." "You don't want me to kiss you?" "I wasn't picking on her." "Penny, that is enough, I said, okay?" "It's true you're just like Grandma." "Hey." "Do you want some leftover chicken?" "Aren't you going to say hello?" "How many beers have you had?" "well, one or two or... four. I don't know." "You want some chicken or don't you?" "l want a kiss." "I want a big, juicy kiss." "Here's some chicken." "Great." "Chicken." "It's good." "Have the girls been in bed long?" "Yeah, a little while." "Penny's was picking on Patsy again." "I told her not to and she got kind of mad at me." "She did?" "Yeah, a little bit." "We started a pool out at Rushmore today." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah. lt's crescent-shaped." "It's going to look wild." "These people, they got a three-story house, a porch out of "Gone With the Wind" and everything." "It's beautiful." "Are you happy?" "With the swimming pool thing, I mean." "Yeah, it's good." "It's not like the factory but it's better than nothing." "I'm going to get to work." "You not just going to leave me here alone gnawing on a cold chicken bone, are you?" "If you like you can always heat it up, but I thought you really loved cold food." "Why don't you just eat it cold?" "Will you sing to me?" "No, I have to go to work." "You know how much I love it when you sing to me." "Please." "Just sing to me." "Hi." "Hi." "Bye..." "Bye..." "Hey, my buddy Penny." "I'm not going to be at your birthday party, but there's nothing I'd like more in the whole, wide world." "I bet Grandma's made a special birthday cake just for you with your name on it in big chocolate letters." "Penny, I want you to know that the day that you were born" "I held you in my arms and that was the happiest day in my whole life." "I was so happy I couldn't even speak." "I just stroked your tiny little feet and I cried with happiness." "Without you I could have never found out that lions eat pancakes or that the bed could be a raft." "Try and look after Patsy, okay?" "I know it's hard 'cause sometimes she makes you mad and everything." "I know it's not easy being a big sister, but I know that you can do it, okay?" "Mommy sends you millions and millions of kisses." "Happy birthday, my darling little Patsy." "Now you're five!" "I'II bet that Penny looks after you now." "I bet that she doesn't pick on you anymore." "Honey, I don't want you to be sad that I'm not at your birthday, okay?" "Promise?" "I remember your first birthday really well, you know?" "I remember how you started to cry and you wouldn't stop because you didn't like how we were singing "Happy Birthday"." "Every time we started to sing, you'd just scream and yell because you didn't like how we were singing." "Happy birthday, my little buddy." "Mommy loves you to bits." "Buddy, I want you to be happy." "I know sometimes it's not easy 'cause sometimes things happen and people aren't always like you want them to be." "Talk to your Dad if there's things bothering you, okay?" "He knows more than you'd think, seriously, if there's something bothering you and you're not sure about something, just ask him and he'll tell you." "Grandma knows a lot of things, too." "I really hope she'll explain them to you." "Try and be patient with her, OK?" "She is a good person, even if sometimes it doesn't always seem that way..." "None of the things she's always dreamed about ever came true, you know?" "Try and understand her." "Don't let her make you mad." "If you get a new Mom, try and love her, okay?" "Don't make life impossible for her just out of some loyalty to me or something like that." "Just I don't know... I know it's not the same." "...and whatever happens, you finish school, even if you think it sucks, and you don't know if you can take it anymore, you just finish school." "I'd like to be able to tell you stuff about boys and boyfriends and relationships and that kind of stuff, I think I wouldn't be much help." "I was seventeen when you were born, Penny, exactly how old you are right now." "You have to have faith in yourself." "You have to have faith in your ability to do things, to just make a go of it." "Lots of kisses and cuddles, even though I know you're not a small little thing anymore." "Ann, is something wrong?" "What is it?" "is it that diet you're on?" "How come you're throwing up?" "You're not taking those slimming pills, are you?" "You want to know why I'm throwing up?" "You really want to know?" "I'm throwing up because when I was eight years old the girl who was supposed to be my best friend told everyone I was a slut." "I'm throwing up 'cause when I was fifteen years old I didn't get invited to the only party I ever wanted to go to in my entire life." "I'm throwing up because when I was seventeen I had my first kid and I had to grow up overnight." "And I've got no more dreams." "Without dreams you can't fucking live." "I'm throwing up because since they put my dad in jail I haven't seen him." "I don't have anything from him," "I don't even have a single fucking postcard." "And in all the commercials everybody is so fucking happy and all day long my two little daughters sing those stupid fucking songs from those stupid fucking commercials." "If I beg you, if I get down on my knees to beg you... please, don't give me the name of that diet you're on." "I didn't wake you up, did I?" "It's Ann." "Can I bring you back your book now?" "Yeah, right now." "Yeah, okay, I know where that is." "I should have given you a raincoat." "Come on in." "lt's got a bit wet." "Don't worry about it." "What happened?" "You didn't keep up the payments on your furniture and they took it all away?" "No." "Well, actually, I was planning on getting some furniture one day, I just didn't really have the time." "Sorry, I'd offer you something, but I don't have anything." "I don't even have any glasses." "Not even like a cookie or something?" "Nothing." "if I knew you were coming, I would have bought something." "I can live without cookies." "Who took all your furniture?" "Someone... took it... yeah." "You don't want to get anymore because you think she might come back?" "You wanna sit down?" "Thanks." "Are they okay?" "What did you do in Alaska?" "I'm a surveyor." "I survey land for building highways, bridges and things like that." "Before that I was in" "Chile." "And before that I was in" "North Carolina, and before that Halifax." "What are your daughters call?" "Penny and Patsy." "Would you Iike to see a photograph?" "Okay." "They look happy." "They look like you." "Do I look happy?" "Not happy." "You look beautiful." "You look like your girls." "You've been thinking about me?" "Yeah." "I've been thinking about you a lot." "Too much." "I've got a sister, you know, who... she works for this radio company up north." "And she makes these tapes for me that she sends to me, music that she likes and I've got the latest one out in my car right now." "We could go listen to it, if you want... lf you don't kiss me right now, I'm going to scream." "Shut up!" "If you don't kiss me right now, I'm goinna fucking scream." "Hello, Ann." "This some kind of therapy to get over your shyness?" "Something like that." "So you didn't come last week." "There didn't seem to be a Iot of point." "I have to give you a further scan and a fuller biopsy." "No, I'm sorry." "I don't want any of those things, okay?" "I need to feel like I've got some control." "So I don't want any more tests if they're not going to save me." "I don't want to die here." "I will not have the only thing my kids remember about me be a hospital ward." "So why are you here?" "It's this package." "I want you to look after it for me." "I don't know." "What is it?" "I've recorded birthday messages for both of my daughters, for every birthday till they're eighteen." "And you want me to give these, don't you?" "Why don't you ask your husband?" "'Cause... 'cause Don, you know, he'd lose them or maybe he'd give them to them next year, and maybe the year after that, or maybe he'd give them to them all at once." "They wouldn't understand a thing if he did that, so... please tell me you'll do it, please." "I'll only do it if you promise to come here every week and I have to give you medication." "I would imagine that the nausea's got worse, you're not eating." "Dying's not as easy as it looks." "But there's no need for you to have to feel terrible all the time." "It's just... lt's just I'm kind of afraid" "I'm going to come in here one day and I'm never gonna leave... and I've got to so much I have to do before I die, I have so many things I have to do." "I have to do them, or... lt'Il only bejust some painkillers." "I promise we won't do any more tests, just something to ease the pain." "And anyway... I brought you some candies." "So you'll look after it for me?" "Of course." "Let's just say it's part of your therapy." "God." "These candies are so good." "I don't get it." "I've been counting my calories today, and I can't have eaten more than 1500, and in theory I need 2000, so in theory I should have lost weight, and I just weighed myself before I left the house" "and I weigh nearly a pound more than I did yesterday." "It must be my metabolism." "They should give us compensation for slow metabolisms, give us some kind of allowance." "Laurie, you want to come over for dinner tomorrow night?" "Yeah, I'd love to." "Great." "Diet food, I hope." "I don't want to ruin my diet." "It's cold in the supermarket, and you like it like that." "People always read the labels of their favourite brands really really carefully just to see how many chemicals they have, and then they just sigh and they put them in their cartanyway, like they're saying sure it's bad for me," "it's bad for my family but we like it." "No one ever thinks about death in a supermarket." "Sixty dollars and forty eight cents." "Girls, you finish those mashed potatoes, okay?" "Oh, God." "These ribs are so great." "How did you get them so tender?" "I leave them soaking in my fridge in milk for a couple of hours." "You leave them soaking in milk in the fridge for a couple of hours." "I must try and remember that." "Patsy, stop playing with your food." "Ann, tell Patsy to stop playing with her food." "You do what your Dad tells you to do, okay?" "Stop playing with your food." "Try and eat a little more." "It's more fun playing with it than eating it." "You know that eating food can be fun too?" "Why?" "Well because... because you're doing new things, you're trying new things and that's fun." "Mashed potatoes isn't new." "It's more fun doing things with it." "Laurie, why don't you have some more sauce?" "Here, Don made it himself." "Goodness me." "I didn't know your husband cooked." "I didn't know there were husbands that cooked." "It wasn't really cooking." "I just added honey to a bottle of barbecue sauce." "Well that's better than nothing." "You could have lied, said you made the whole thing." "No, Don would never lie." "He wouldn't even know how." "How did you two guys meet?" "We met at a Nirvana concert." "actually it was the last Nirvana concert before Kurt Cobain..." "No, my God." "Did you save the tickets?" "They must be worth a fortune by now." "No, no we didn't save them." "No, we were sort of too excited to keep them." "Ann spent the whole concert crying." "I didn't really like Nirvana back then, so I was this kind of bored and I was looking around," "and that's when I saw Ann." "She was this beautiful girl just crying her eyes out, so I went up to her and I offered her a handkerchief, but I didn't have a handkerchief, I didn't even have a paper one, so I just... I took off my T-shirt and I gave it to her." "Thats how we met." "That's really romantic." "Do you have any more mashed potato?" "Yeah, sure." "You're a pig." "She's basically a nice person, you know?" "Oh Christ, Ann." "Don't talk so loud." "Penny's right." "I mean, the woman ate eight ribs." "And they were fucking huge ribs." "Did you see those things?" "I know, but..." "Fucking huge." "Her fiance dumped her the day before her wedding, you know." "He invited her to an All You Can Eat and they wanted to charge her triple?" "That's not funny, Don." "That's not funny." "Food can be fun." "Food can be fun." "She's a really nice person." "Lately she's got this obsession." "Yeah, lately you seem to have the opposite." "It's the anaemia." "Gonna go get more vitamins this week, go to the hospital." "Do you want me to come with you?" "No, don't worry, I can manage." "Ok." "Tonight I realized how lucky we were to meet that night." "I mean, in spite of everything, in spite of living in this shit hole," "in spite of never having anything new, in spite of never going on vacation." "You never complained once, not once." "I would... I would like to be better for you." "I love you, you know that?" "Don't you ever forget that." "I love you." "What are you doing?" "I'm sweeping up." "What are you doing?" "l'm the queen witch and I'm teaching this little witch how to make spells." "I'm the little witch." "Really?" "And what kind of spells are you doing?" "Oh, just normal spells, turning frogs into cars and turning lizards into airplanes." "You know how to do that?" "Are you going to teach me?" "Sure!" "Hi, there." "I'm Ann." "I see you've already met Penny and Patsy." "Yeah. I'm also Ann." "Oh yeah?" "There you go." "Nice to meet you." "So you just moved in or..?" "Yeah, a few days ago." "I was just trying to do some gardening or something." "Looks great." "They're so sweet." "Their little gets ups on." "Listen, this is kind of a weird question since we just met and everything, but I was wondering, I'm just heading out for about half an hour'cause both my husband and my mom aren't back yet." "I was wondering if there was any chance of you keeping an eye on them for the next half hour if you're around." "Of course." "No problem." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm going to be here all day and they were going to show me how to do some spells, so..." "There you go." "They're very good at spells, so..." "Okay." "Thanks a lot." "Bye, guys." "You behave yourselves, okay?" "Ann's gonna watch you for a Iittle bit." "Thank you so much." "lt's okay." "So, help me here." "Who's Patsy and who's Penny?" "My body hurt thinking you weren't gonna come." "I wasn't gonna come." "I'm glad you did." "is this one of your sister's tapes?" "Yeah." "Would you like to dance?" "...and then the Little Mermaid said to the Taxi Driver" ""l wanna see New York City." "Please, show me New York."" "'Cause it's so big." "You can't..." "you can't just walk around New York." "So the taxi driver took her to the Empire State Building, and you know it's so high it has two elevators because they couldn't find just one cable to build one, you know?" "They had to build two." "So he got on the first elevator and then on the second elevator that's as fast as a space rocket, and they got to the top of the Empire State building and the Little Mermaid was looking down and she said" ""Oh, my God." "People look like ants, they're so small..."" "Hey, guys." "Hello, there." "We played witches and princesses." "And Ann did our braids." "Oh, they look beautiful." "Thank you, Ann." "I'm sorry I took so long." "No, that was fine." "We had a great time." "Were you guys good?" "Yeah." "Good." "Want your witches hats?" "Tomorrow can you finish the story about the mermaid" "and the taxi driver?" "Of course." "My pleasure." "Give Ann a kiss goodbye." "We have to go have bath and supper time now, but maybe we can come back and hear the end of that story, okay?" "Thank you so much, Ann." "Let's go." "Hey, Ann?" "Yeah?" "I was just going to make some coffee." "Do you want to come over?" "Great." "Just let me finish doing this." "Okay." "Do you take sugar?" "No, no it's alright." "You're not on a diet, are you?" "No." "Why?" "should I?" "No. I just have this friend who's obsessed with diets and calories and..." "Boring." "No, and I've seen too many people sick with anorexia and bulimia." "l'm a nurse." "That's why." "ls that so?" "So I'm not really bothered." "You know, you've got really cute kids." "Yeah, they're great, aren't they?" "What about you?" "You want kids?" "No, I don't think so." "Why not?" "I mean, you think it's stupid to bring them into the world, or...?" "Just haven't found the right guy, or...?" "No, I haven't." "No, but it's not that either, no." "Do you think you can't?" "No." "Well, I don't know, actually." "But... I was in my last year of nursing college." "We were doing some work experience in a paediatric hospital." "I'd decided to specialize in kids, because I've always liked them." "Maybe because I was an only child." "I don't know." "Anyway, one night I was on duty, and they called me in to help with a birth." "This woman was overdue, she was expecting twins, and the babies were in danger." "So they decided to do a caesarean and the mother was put under a general anaesthetic." "And... it turned out they were Siamese twins." "They were born without one torso..." "one set of lungs... they hardly cried." "They weren't horrible to look at." "No, they were just like any other baby." "But there was no way they were going to survive." "It's impossible." "So we put them in an incubator while the doctors talked to the father about what they should do." "The father didn't even wanna see them." "So they decided to take them out of the incubator and wait for them to die." "And I offered to be with them until they... I couldn't bear the thought of them dying alone in a cold hospital room." "They lived thirty hours." "I held them in my arms thirty hours." "I sang every song I knew, songs from the world they could never see, but..." "Anyway, they just grew smaller and smaller in my arms." "First the boy died, and... six hours later the girl died." "So... since then I've specialized in geriatric nursing." "I'm so sorry, Ann." "I don't know why I told you this story." "Thanks for the coffee." "You know what?" "I better be going." "No, I'm sorry." "Do you want to come over for dinner next week?" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, no, I would really love you to." "I know the girls would really love it too, because you have to tell them the end of that mermaid story, they love that story." "I'd love to, Ann." "And you know, that story is happy." "Thank you so much, I'd love to." "Read me something." "Read me something that you're reading right now." "I'm reading a very sad book at the moment." "Beautiful, but sad." "It can't be as sad as the story I heard today." "Tell it to me." "I can't." "It'll make me too sad." "You don't wanna tell it to me because its part of your life, and you don't want me to know anything about your life." "I like it that you don't ask me anything about my life." "I don't ask you anything because I've learned not to." "When you look at somebody, you might see" "fifty per cent of who they are," "and wanting to know the rest, that's what destroys everything." "That's what I learnt." "Whoever took away your furniture really taught you a lesson, eh?" "That's all she left me." "You really want me to read you something?" "Please." "Read me something." "Okay." "Pick something." ""To the Wedding" by John Berger." ""Her capacities go out one by one, and there's no night, no stars," "only a cellar from which she can never walk and which nobody else can stay." "She's given medicines which make her ill, but would stop her dying." "For a little while." "They're scared." "I'm scared."" "You know, I don't think it was that bad." "No, I like it." "Ijust don't want to read right now." "I lied." "When I said that when you look at somebody you know fifty per cent." "I guess when I look at you I see, I don't know, maybe ten per cent... and that ten per cent is... lt's not so bad. ls it?" "It's my birthday today." "Wish me a happy birthday." "Happy birthday, mom." "Aren't you going to start the car?" "I've got something to tell you, Mom." "It must be serious, otherwise you'd tell me while you were driving." "I need to know where my Dad is." "Are you going to go and see him?" "Because that bugs you?" "No, not even that can make me mad anymore." "This time last year, this very same day, my birthday, I thought I should do something, I don't know why." "So I..." "I put on some makeup and the least old clothes I could find and I went to a bar." "And I ordered a whisky and started talking to the bartender." "He was just a kid, he'd just started at the hotel, it was his first job," "and we chatted about this and that, and I told him it was my birthday." "About five minutes later he presented me with a bowl of peanuts with a candle in." "And I... I started to cry." "I cried so hard the kid got scared, and he blew out the candle, and hid the bowl of peanuts, and I said "No, don't blow out the candle." "Don't hide the peanuts."" "And all this year, all I could think about was that bowl of peanuts and how I started to cry." "So this year, I baked myself a cake." "'Cause I knew if I went back to that bar, I'd give that kid a heart attack." "Start the car." "Five minutes." "You're almost done, too." "Am I hurting you?" "No, not at all." "She's great with nails." "Now, don't you ask her to give you a perm or braids or anything, but with nails, she's the best." "I've got a manicure diploma and everything. I'm not interested in hair or heads." "Give me hands every time." "So do you like Milli Vanilli as well?" "I'm from Segovia." "We don't have any Mili Vanilli in Segovia." "Milli Vanilli is universal." "Thank you very much." "Thanks." "So, see you soon." "No." "No?" "You know, braids really suit you." "They look really great on you." "You think so?" "Yeah." "Bye." "Hi..." "Hi." "How are you, Ann?" "This is Penny and this is Patsy." "Penny's six and Patsy's four." "They're very pretty young girls." "You haven't been wasting your time." "You could say that." "What about your husband?" "Don?" "Ah, he builds swimming pools." "Swimming pools, no less?" "Yeah, he's doing pretty good." "I got work here, you know." "Sewing sports shoes together." "You know, a sports shoe can take up to 86 different pieces." "Did you know that?" "No." "We sew the side pieces on here, and then in another jail they finish them off." "It's good work." "Sure." "People are always gonna want to need shoes, huh?" "Ann, I suppose your mother still hates me." "Dad, Mom hates everyone." "Yeah, I bet she hates me the most." "Sometimes, yeah." "Some of us... just can't live the kind of life that other people want us to live." "No matter how hard you try, you just can't do it." "I guess." "You believe me, don't you?" "Yeah." "I believe you." "It's hard." "Like you know you love someone and you can't make them happy." "It's kind of like you love them, but... you can't love them the way they wanna be loved, you know what I mean?" "If you send me the kids' shoes sizes, I can make some shoes for them." "Okay." "I want to touch your face." "I remember how it used to feel." "I've forgotten a lot of things." "I remember that." "I remember, you used to before you'd leave the house you'd put on this record of ringing bells" "and then you'd just leave the house like right away." "I used to like to hear the music from the house as I was walking down the street." "It was really pretty." "It was?" "It was always the same record." "It was the Mule Serenade." "It was really pretty." "Take care of yourself, Dad, okay?" "Yeah, you too." "And remember to send me the girls' shoe sizes, okay?" "Yeah, I will." "Going to have a good day at school?" "Give me a kiss." "Okay, have a good day." "I hope you feel better, Mommy." "I want you to feel better, yeah." "Okay." "You have a good day, all right?" "Bye." "Hey, Patsy." "Give me a cuddle, Mommy." "I'II give you a cuddle." "How's that for a cuddle?" "Okay." "l need to go now." "You have to go to school now?" "Okay. I know, you're in a bit of a hurry." "Are you sure this is anaemia?" "Maybe we should go see another doctor?" "No, I know it's anaemia." "They did like a million tests and I've been taking all the vitamins." "They just told me I need to rest." "I took care of all of you guys when you were sick, it's your turn to take care of me." "Okay." "I think I'm going to like taking care of you." "Yeah?" "Let's see if you're any good at it." "Okay." "Bye." "Don, I want you to understand why I didn't tell you I was goinna die." "It was like... lt was like the only present I could give you and the girls, to save you all the trips to the hospital and all the stress and the waiting around in waiting rooms and I know if you think about it," "you'II know that I'm right." "Now you have to be happy, and you have to look after the girls, you have to make them happy too." "Dream up a heaven for me." "Don't let them be sad when they remember me." "You just remind them of all the great things we did together." "I Iove you, Don." "You'll always be the guy who took off his T-shirt to wipe away my tears..." "Sorry it's so out of key." "It always kind of was, though." "Hi, Mom." "Well, I guess you're never going to forgive me for not telling you I was going to die." "So, it's just one more thing to blame the world for, I guess." "I love you." "I know you love me." "I know you adore the girls, so please" "tell them that." "Try and show like you love them just a little bit every day." "And try to enjoy life, you know, a little, just a little bit." "I mean, maybe at some point you could go on a date." "That would be fun, or you could put an ad in the paper or anything." "I just think you could have a little fun." "You're really beautiful and you've got a great heart and just try and enjoy stuff more." "Please help Don." "You can tell the girls any stories you like, even Joan Crawford movies." "Your sister really knows how to pick a song, hey." "You like it?" "Yeah, it's great." "It's Blossom Dearie." "You ever heard of her?" "No." "What's that?" "Blossom Dearie?" "Oh, she's amazing." "She's still singing and she's 83 years old." "83?" "And she plays in this little club behind a Chinese lounge and she has this tiny little voice, this tiny little body and such personality and..." "83." "Yeah, she's 83." "I'd love to take you there." "Ann, there's so many places I'd Iike to take you." "tell me about all the places you'd like to take me." "Okay." "In the south of Chile, there's a desert, it's stunning, pure white and flat as far as the eye can see and the only thing that breaks the line of the horizon are these robin-egg blue little houses" "and in the morning, the sky goes completely green." "It's unworldly." "And in Argentina, a glacier lake, and in the spring when the thaw comes on," "these huge blocks of ice, I mean huge, the size of apartment buildings, come sliding off the glacier into the lake" "and then your heart is pounding out of your chest, it's terrifying." "And Mexico and Alaska..." "Are you OK?" "What's the matter?" "I'm not going to see these places." "What is it?" "What's the matter?" "You don't wanna tell me?" "I'm so sorry, Lee." "l really need to get out of here." "Okay." "Waiter!" "Can I get the check?" "Thank you." "I always wanted to come here." "Could you get them to put this in a doggy bag for me?" "Sure." "Thanks." "Okay, I'll meet you outside, okay?" "You have to go." "He's gonna be here any minute." "He works nearby." "It's better if he comes and picks me up." "This happens occasionally, so..." "Ann, there's something that I have to tell you, and I have to tell you now." "I love you." "I'm in love with you... and the world seems less terrible because you exist." "I feel like I wanna be with you for the rest of my life, and all that, the palpitations, and the nerves, and the pain, and the happiness, and the fear... I wanna... I wanna touch you all the time." "I wanna take care of you, and your girls and... and even find your husband a decent job and get you a house" "that doesn't have wheels and..." "Careful." "That sounds like a classic case of falling in love." "I am in love." "I'm classically in love." "The classic husband who's gonna be here any minute, and the classic depression that sets in every time you go off with him, and the crying and the tears and everything." "I'll go." "Though I don't want to see you driving off with some guy, you know?" "Someone you don't know." "So, I'll be watching." "Unless of course it's your husband." "Ann, I feel terrible." "I invited you over to dinner and now you have to do all the work." "That's okay, ljust have to heat up this." "So I still don't understand why you had to go to the restaurant in your condition... I told you I thought I was feeling better." "A bad case of anaemia isn't something you should take lightly." "You should rest." "Yes, listen to Nurse Ann, Ann." "And you know what?" "I think you could go wash your hands, 'cause this is ready." "Go wash up, girls." "Don..." "Yeah?" "You too." "All right, yes ma'am." "You pray that this will be your life without you... you pray that the girls will love this woman who has the same name as you," "and that your husband will end up loving her too, and that they can live in the house next door, and the girls can play doll houses in the trailer, and barely remember their mother who used to sleep during the day, and take them on raft rides in bed." "You pray that they will have moments of happiness so intense that all of their problems will seem insignificant in comparison." "You don't know who or what you're praying to, but you pray." "You don't even regret the life that you're not gonna have, because by then you'll be dead, and the dead don't feel anything, not even regret." "My darling Lee, I guess by the time you get this tape you'll know that I'm dead" "and, well, all that..." "Maybe you're angry with me, or hurt or sad or upset or maybe you're all of it together." "I just want you to know that I fell in love with you." "I didn't dare tell you 'cause I thought you kind of knew, and I didn't realize I had so little time." "Actually, time is the one thing I haven't had enough of recently." "Life is so much better than you think, my love." "I know, because you managed to fall in love with me even though you saw, what was it, you said ten per cent?" "." "Five maybe?" "Maybe if you'd seen it all, you wouldn't have liked me." "Or you would have liked me in spite of everything." "I guess we'll never know." "Oh, and one last thing..." "Lee, for God's sake just paint your walls and buy some furniture." "Alright?" "I don't want the next woman you take home to get the wrong idea about you and run off before she gets a chance to know you." "Not everyone's as crazy as I am." "I loved dancing with you."