"♪♪ (orchestra: march)" "♪♪ (merengue)" "(woman sneezes)" "Perfecto." "(chattering in Spanish)" "MAN (narrating):" "I couldn't believe my cousin Fred would just show up that way." "On the other hand, it was absolutely typical." "Thanks." "I was furious, but tried not to show it." " Jesus, you could have called." " I did call." "It was one of those pay phones that cut you off and swallow your change." " You called once from the airport." " At least once." "I would not not call." " How, uh, long do you plan to stay?" " That's a good question." " More than three days?" " Oh, yeah." " You know what Dr. Johnson said." " No." "Guests, like fish, begin to stink on the third day." "Yeah, that sounds about right." "Actually, I think you'll find that I begin to stink on the first day." "I saw the-the ― the prettiest girl at the trade fair today." "You spoke with her?" " Of course not." " No." "I'm beginning to reconsider my whole attitude toward female beauty." "I think it's very bad really." "You see a beautiful girl, and you're immediately subject to all these emotions." "Some of them very powerful, almost uncontrollable." "Yeah, but ―" "They are." "You haven't even spoken with the girl, and already you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with her." "I think that ―" "No." "This inordinate concern for physical beauty has wrecked more lives ―" "Wrecked lives?" "Yeah." "At the lake?" "Charlie Johnson?" " All right." "That was pathetic." " There are so many cases." "In our family, the whole ''beautiful Boynton sister" thing." " Is this related to you and Betty?" " No, that was different." "(woman speaking Spanish)" " Hola, ¿qué tal?" " Yo, gin tonic." "There were a lot of really attractive girls in there." "This is where the cool trade fair girls come." "Great." "Cool trade fair girls." "Actually, a lot of people come here." "It's quite popular." "I suppose if you wanted to meet cool trade fair girls, you could go to the trade fair itself." "Yeah, but the atmosphere is not so good." "And the trade fairs are intermittent, while the girls come here all the time." "Trade fair girls off-season." "Cool." "Thanks." "This is great stuff." "A lot of them studied in London and speak English with these terrific English accents." " That's good?" "I hate that." " What?" " WOMAN:" "Facha." " MAN:" "Yanquis fora." "Fora." "Jesus, what was that all about?" "What does ''facha'' mean?" " It's slang for ''fascist."" " Fascist?" "Come on." "Don't worry." "They call everyone that." "You comb your hair or you wear a coat and tie, you're facha." "A military uniform?" "Definitely facha." "So facha is something good then?" "Because if they were referring to the political movement Benito Mussolini led, I'd be offended." "Men wearing this uniform died ridding Europe of fascism." "(bell tolls)" "TED:" "That's the cathedral." "Uh-huh." "These are the remnants of the old Roman walls." "Uh-huh." "This is the palace of the Catalan government." "Uh-huh." "That's the city hall." "Uh-huh." "Listen, let's call it a night." "You're obviously very tired." "After what happened?" "I'm far too worked up to call it a night." "We had a very close call back there." "It could have turned really ugly." "They obviously didn't mean facha in the positive sense." "With all the controversy over NATO," "I'm not sure this is the best time for a fleet visit." "There's a lot of anti-NATO feeling here." " Anti-what?" " Anti-NATO." " Anti-NATO?" " Yeah." "Well, actually here it's OTAN." " They're against OTAN?" " Yeah." "What are they for ― Soviet troops racing across Europe eating all the croissants?" "What exactly are you doing here?" "I'm sort of an advance man for the Sixth Fleet." "The last fleet visit was a disaster." "They thought it was a good idea to get somebody in early to smooth things out and make sure nothing goes wrong." "That's going to be really tough." "It's an assignment that will require a lot of diplomacy and tact." "I'm really surprised they gave it to you." "It doesn't require that much tact." "This is my favorite Barcelona avenue ― Paseo de Gracia." "It's sort of the Michigan Avenue of Barcelona." "Yeah." "Nice." "You know, after all that's happened tonight," "I don't think I'll be able to get to sleep without something more to drink." "The avenue up here is Diagonal." "Actually, it's more like Michigan Avenue." "I think this thing of always falling in love with incredibly attractive girls is really bad." "Maybe by resolving to go out only with plain, or even rather homely girls," "I can avoid all that." "I've got a real ''romantic illusion" problem." "Instead of a fantasy built on the pretty slope of an eyebrow or the curl of an upper lip, to-to see the real person." "Maybe even look into her eyes and see her soul." "What?" "I resolve to go out only with plain or even rather homely girls." "What if― and this is a hypothetical ― the one girl in the world with whom you could be happiest, the girl with the most wonderful personality or soul imaginable, also happened to be incredibly attractive?" "According to your theory, you wouldn't even look at her." "I'd look at her." "I just wouldn't go out with her." "Your one chance at ultimate happiness would be gone." "I don't buy that, that there's just one girl who's right for you." "Th-Things don't work that way." "I'm sure there are a lot of terrific plain or homely women." "What if you don't meet any of those terrific plain or homely girls?" "What if the only women you meet and like also happen to be incredibly attractive?" "Do you think I'm an idiot?" "Of course if the only women I meet that I like are attractive, I'd make an exception." "God, why do I tell you anything about this?" "I must be drunk." "No." "You can confide in me." "It was just an idea." "Good, because it sounded really pathetic and crazy." "Thanks." "''Cerdos''?" "Pigs?" "They're calling us pigs." "That's meant to hurt." "Come on, let's go." "Do you have any paint or a marker of some kind?" "TED:" "No." " Forget it." " I'm not going to forget it." "People have been forgetting things for far too long." "This is not our country." "You shouldn't be doing that." " We're guests here." " How blind can you be?" "People like you make me sick." "(scraping on wall)" "Okay." "That's it." "Let's go." "And just leave it like that?" "''Yankee pigs go ho-em"?" "Oh, my God." "You're going to paint the whole wall with a ballpoint pen?" "It's a felt-tip." "Give me a break." "I'm going." "Listen, I'm going." "I'm outta here." "''Ciervo' is with a ''V" not a ''B"." "It's correct phonetically." "''Yankee deers"?" "I don't see how it's much of an improvement." "''Yankee deers go home."" "Would you prefer to be called a Yankee pig or a Yankee deer?" "WOMAN:" "Ted?" "Ted." "What are you doing here?" "You are going to same party as we?" "Yes." "Good." "¿''Ciervos yanquis"?" "I don't think we've met." "You're a royal personage of some kind?" "Isabel de Farnesio." "This is my cousin Fred." "Marta works at the trade fair." "I like your costume." "Have you no costume, Ted?" " MAN: iVámonos!" " Oh, we must go." "Why don't we split up?" "I'll go in your car, and the princesses in Ted's." "Yes?" "Okay." "Uh, venid conmigo." " Where in England did you learn English?" " Providence, Rhode Island." "♪♪ (club music: disco)" "♪♪(continues)" " He's not at all the way he seems." " No?" "He might seem like a typical American ― like a big, unsophisticated child." " But he's far more complex than that." " Really?" "Have you ever heard of the Marquis de Sade?" "Yes." "Ted's a great admirer of de Sade and a follower of Dr. Johnson." "He's a complex and, in some ways, dangerous man." "He has a serious ''romantic illusion" problem." "Women find him fascinating." "His nickname is Punta de Diamante ― Point of a Diamond." "You see that odd expression on his face?" "Under the apparently very normal clothes he's wearing are these narrow leather straps drawn taut so that when he dances ―" " What?" " Please don't mention this." "He might feel I violated a confidence." " FRED:" "Thank you very much." " ALL:" "Hi." " Sit here." " Yes." "Gracias." " What's wrong?" " I was just telling them your nicknames." " You're kidding?" " No." "Marta wanted to know them." " Yes, Ted." "What are your names?" " Don't get into that." " I only remember two others." " Listen, don't get into that." " What difference could it make now?" " I mean it." "Really, don't." "Give me a break." "I'm supposed to be the childish one." "If he doesn't want to talk about it ―" " No, it's the principle of the thing." " The principle?" "Crusty Fusty and The Big O. There." "Is that so bad?" " You jerk." " What does that mean?" " I don't believe you." " What is the big deal?" "It's just..." "lousy." "Oh, give me a break." "Don't go." "You're right." "You ― You do stink on the first day." "Good-bye." "That guy really gets to me." "I admit it." "I tend to act like a jerk around him, but he provokes it." "What do those names mean?" "They are related to his sadomasoquismo?" "No, it's something else." "Did you hear that crack he made about my intelligence?" "No." "Well, should we dance?" "♪ Listen to the music and let your body move ♪" "♪ Now get on up on the floor ♪" "♪ 'Cause we're gonna boogie oogie, boogie till ya just can't ― ♪♪" "Sometimes we think ―" "Well, we almost always assume that we're going through life surrounded by people." "And then something happens, and you realize we're entirely alone." "Tonight while I was shaving ― I always shave against the direction of the beard because I understood you got a closer shave that way ―" "I started thinking about this razor commercial on TV which shows the hair follicles like this, going this way." "The first of the twin blades cuts them here." "Then the hair snaps back." "The second blade catches them down here, giving you a closer, cleaner, possibly smoother shave." "That we know." "But what struck me was, if the hair follicles are going in this direction and the razor is, too, then they're shaving in the direction of the beard, not against it." "Which would mean I've been shaving the wrong way all my life." "Maybe that's not so." "Maybe I misremembered the ad." "But the point is I could have shaved the wrong way all of my life and never have known it." "Then I could have taught my son to shave the wrong way without him ever knowing it either." "You have a son?" "No." "But I might someday." "And then maybe I'll teach him to shave the wrong way." "I think maybe my English is not so good." "Did you know that your costume has your name in it?" "Where?" "God." "How odd." "♪♪ (man singing Italian pop ballad)" " Perfecto." " ¿Perfecto?" "Casi perfecto." "♪♪ (continues)" " Hola." " Hola. ¿Qué tal?" "First, we check with Seat and Opal." " Then we ―" " Hola, Ted." "TED (narrating):" "Fred's thesis that maybe I'd never meet any of the terrific plain girls was already inoperative." "Aurora, one of the princesses with Marta at the costume party, had invited me to a Lionel Hampton concert she had tickets for Thursday night." "Fred began his advance work with a visit to the consulate, which he felt was less than a complete success." "FRED:" "I saw it more as a judgment call." "You were unaware of this order?" "I thought it just applied to the khaki uniform." "I didn't realize it meant the blue one too." " You're ROTC, aren't you?" " Yes, I am." "This order, I must admit, I'm troubled by it." "Men wearing this uniform died ridding Europe of fascism." "I am proud of this uniform." " It seems a bit cowardly ―" " Come on." "The thing is, I don't have any good civilian clothes." "(coat hangers clattering)" "The blue one, I think." " You really don't mind my borrowing it?" " No." " Really?" " It's okay." "Spanish girls tend to be really promiscuous." "You're such a prig." "I-I wasn't using ''promiscuous" pejoratively." "It's just a fact." "They have a completely different attitude towards sex." "I wasn't using ''prig" pejoratively." "(bottle cap opens)" "Okay, I'm a prig." "But now I'm ― I'm speaking soc-sociologically." "The sexual revolution reached Spain much later than the US, but went far beyond it." "I don't know what it was like in other cities and towns, but here in Barcelona, everything was swept aside." "The world was turned upside down and stayed there." "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the world was upside down before and now it's right side up?" "No." "I don't think that's it." "I'm doing something with Aurora Thursday, so I thought I'd do some reading tonight." "Aurora?" "The very nice, rather plain girl with Marta last night." "She had extra tickets for a jazz concert at the Palau." "(exhales) A jazz concert?" "That's tough." "You really are polite." "MARTA:" "¿Listo?" " This is the way you dress to go out?" " Yes." " But your trade fair outfit's so cool." " Those clothes are awful." "Really?" "I think they're cool." "Why do I look so much better in mirrors than in photographs?" "Like your outfit." "Very new wave." " You sure you don't want to go?" " No." "Good." "Adéu." "Bye." "TED (narrating):" "Except for work, I'd been in a serious funk for some time." "I would never mention something like that to Fred." "He was the last person to trust with a personal confidence of any kind." "I don't know whether I'd found God since coming to Barcelona or was just going through a religious phase." "It had all begun shortly after the incredibly sad and guilt-ridden breakup with Betty, with whom I had gotten deeply involved, including carnally, despite never having really loved her." "The almost irresistible attraction of physical beauty had transformed a good friendship into another horrible premarital situation." "All this had led pretty directly to the Old Testament." "♪♪ (big band: fanfare)" "Two Old Testament books in particular included advice on romantic matters." "Some of it very tough." "♪♪ (Glenn Miller Orchestra:" "''Pennsylvania 6-5000")" "CHORUS:" "♪ Pennsylvania 6-5000 ♪" "After what happened with Betty, I had resolved not to sleep with any girl until I met the one I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with." "♪ Pennsylvania 6-5000 ♪" "I had no idea if I'd ever meet such a person or if she even existed, plain or not." "My aspiration was to free romance from the chains of physical beauty and carnality and to stop doing harm." " ♪ Pennsylvania 6-5000 ♪ - (mouthing words)" " What's going on?" " Oh." " (stereo clicks off)" " What are you doing here?" "What is this, some strange Glenn Miller-based religious ceremony?" " No, Presbyterian." " Oh, this is your Presbyterian church." "Well, Protestant." " Protestant churches are like these?" " Pretty much." "Listen, I didn't get a chance to change any money today." " How much do you need to change?" " Would a hundred dollars be possible?" "I don't actually have the dollars on me now." "I'm waiting for a transfer from American Express." "If you want to borrow 10,000 pesetas, just say so." " I could give you a check for it." " What I'd like is the money back." "Of course." "¿Listo?" " You'll get it back." " Sure." "TED (narrating):" "What made my isolation in Barcelona bearable was work for IHSMOCO, the Illinois High-Speed Motor Corporation." "Like nearly everyone else, I had seen Arthur Miller's play, and, as a youth, had the usual sneering, deprecating attitude to the world of business and sales." "All that changed senior year when the charismatic Professor Woodward Thompson's business course convinced us that even the apparently mundane world of business had its romance." "A job interview with IHSMOCO led to employment in its training program." "We were supposed to rotate between departments, but I arrived in Sales just as a flu epidemic struck and never left." "(blowing nose)" "In sales, I found not just a job but a culture." "Franklin, Emerson, Carnegie and Bettger were our philosophers." "And thanks to the genius of Carnegie's theory of human relations, many customers also became friends." "I don't consider high-pressure sales sales at all." "It's a form of fraud." "In true sales, you're providing a real and constructive service, helping people make their lives more agreeable or their companies more efficient." "And in so doing, creating wonderful economies of scale from which everyone and the whole economy benefit." "The classic literature of self-improvement really was improving." "Here's something really good." "It's Bettger quoting George Matthew Adams." "''The wisest and best salesman is always one who bluntly tells the truth about his article." "That is always impressive." "And if he does not sell the first time, he leaves a trail of trust behind." "Being bluntly honest is always safe and best."" "Other books, magazines and audiotapes mixed practical tips with home truths." "MAN (on tape):" "Try this." "Each time you handle a paper, mark it with a red dot." "If you later encounter papers with three or four dots, you could be working more efficiently." "Try to dispose of each paper the first time you handle it." "TED (narrating):" "The enthusiastic, unsophisticated tone of much of this literature did open it up to the facile ridicule of half-wits." "Maybe I could use some of the same self-motivational techniques you use in sales in my navy career." "Every day, in every way," "I'm becoming a better and better lieutenant junior grade." " Every day ―" " What you're referring to is autosuggestion." "Popularized by Coué during the '20s, but totally unserious." "What I'm talking about has nothing to do with that." "TED (narrating):" "I loved coming into the office early and catching up on the overnight telex traffic." "The telex line was our umbilical cord to Chicago, and confirmations for the bigger sales came through it too." "What's wrong?" "Dickie Taylor's going to be supervising sales." " The Dickie Taylor of Marketing?" " Yeah." "I can't believe it." "Work for that guy?" "I'm sure he's going to get me fired." "No." "You are the best they have." "They cannot do that." "TED (narrating):" "I'd really looked forward to seeing Aurora that night." "I had this image stuck in my mind of looking into her eyes and maybe seeing her soul." "But she was late, which was actually not that common in Barcelona." "Oh, it's you." "Um, Aurora can't come." "Please excuse my retard." "Two weeks ago, Aurora had a flechazo." "What-What's a flechazo?" "It means suddenly dropping crazily in love with someone." "As if an arrow had entered your heart ― shot by one of those little boy angels." "Aurora had a crazy adventure with this very handsome man." "But he got too serious." "She was about to begin an adventure with you." "An adventure?" "But her boyfriend got angry and pressured her." " Aurora has a boyfriend?" " Yes." "''Vinyl Hampton"?" "I was sure that Aurora said ''Lionel Hampton."" " Never heard of Vinyl Hampton." " (scattered applause)" "♪♪ (band: horns, dissonant)" "How could you tell I felt that way?" "During the whole concert, your expression was like ― like this." " You're very per-perceptive." " What?" " You're very perceptive." " What?" "You are very perceptive." "Oh." "Thank you." "I don't really like perceptiveness of that kind." "TED:" "It's a typical ''pretty girl" thing ― using observation for-for ridicule, as if impertinence were cute and charming." "My-My impression of Aurora is that she would be more apt to use observation for com-comprehension." " You don't think Aurora's pretty?" " No." "But she's beautiful." " Um, physically?" " Yes." "Her eyes ―" "You think she's beautiful be-because of her eyes?" "Yes." "She also has a beautiful ―" " Figure?" " Yes." "Hmm." "Apparently you are just the sort of dangerous foreign man she likes." "What do you mean?" "Your brother told her about your interests." " What?" " You know." " No." " The Marquis de Sade." "Games of leather, weekends of fun, the straps under your clothes." " He said that?" " Mm-hmm." "That's completely untrue." "I can't believe it." "He promised he wouldn't say that anymore." "He's not my-my brother." "You don't know anything about the Marquis de Sade at all?" "No." "Well, I don't believe you." "♪♪ (club music: disco)" "♪ You've got what it takes ♪" "So you're not wearing them tonight." "That doesn't prove anything." "Maybe they're at the cleaners." "♪ You've got what it takes ♪" "TED (narrating):" "It turned out we both loved the disco music of the late 1970s, despite what everyone else thought." "♪ You've got what it takes ♪" "We talked about all kinds of things." "You know how at parties people always talk about marketing?" "No." "I've never heard people at a party talk about marketing." "This idea of marketing being a science, if you look at the evidence, it's all anecdotal." "♪ You've got what it takes ♪♪" "TED (narrating):" "I think it was during the Donna Summer song that it really happened, or at least that I realized it had." "Everything was completely different now." "(birds chirping)" " (keys jingle) - (footsteps)" "The things they say about us." "I know we're not supposed to take it seriously, but, after a while, it really hurts." "I don't believe you." "Just once I'd like to go out with a girl not convinced I'm encased in black leather underwear." "That bothers you?" "The exact same story over and over again?" "It's not exactly the same." "I always vary it a little." "Great." "It wasn't even Aurora, but this terrific friend of hers from the trade fair." "She's never met you but was still full of your stupid stories." "Frankly, I don't care for your tone." "You should get down on your knees and thank God you have a cousin who makes up interesting stories about you." "I'm the best PR guy you're ever gonna have." "Do you think any even mildly cool trade fair girl would give you the time of day if she knew the pathetic, Bible-dancing goody-goody you really are?" "You are far weirder than someone merely into S and M." "At least they have a tradition." "We have some idea what S and M is about." "There's movies and books about it." "But so far as I know, there is nothing to explain the way you are." " ♪♪ (phonograph: man singing in Spanish)" " Look." "Otra vez." "(laughing)" "Hi, Ted." "Go to the front and we will come down." "♪♪ (club music:" "Latin pop)" "Haven't you noticed the way he's always making little digs at my intelligence?" "No." "In the US, we take these tests called college boards to see whether we go to a university that's selective, highly selective or not at all selective, which is where I went." "My board scores were very bad." "But you seem very intelligent for an American." "Well, I'm not." "The worst part was Ted getting 800 boards, perfect scores." "But since then I've met other people with 800 boards, and they don't seem particularly intelligent either." " So, Ted is very smart." " Well, he tests well." "♪♪ (continues)" "I think it's true that the height of the sexual revolution is over." "I don't go to bed with just anyone anymore." "I have to be attracted to them sexually." "But I always thought women had to have some kind of profound emotional bond with a man, a-a secure romantic relationship, be-before they became interested in a relation of that kind." "Oh, no." "Taking advantage of his position to get involved with a 15-year-old student?" "Actually, nothing really happened until summer, and by then I was 16." "Oh, well, 16." " Also, I had something to do with it." " Still." "Just from the little you've said, I really hate that guy." "In truth, much of what you say reminds me of Ramon then." "Ramon soon left from teaching to return to the newspaper." "He had read the works of Philip Agee." "So he was an expert on the American CIA and its involvement in the internal affairs of every country." "Terrific." "Then, one year, the correspondent of fashion of his newspaper fell ill before the collections of Milan, and Ramon was sent in her place." "Ramon came back from Milan with a new idea, which he referred to as the idea of physical beauty." "What's that?" "His thought was that beauty is the closest thing to divinity that remains in the modern world." "All the old gods are dead, and there is no god that we know." "But in beauty, the memory of divinity remains." "For always after, beauty was the subject Ramon wanted to dedicate his journalism to." "He wanted to write about flowers and things?" "No." "It was the beauty of the female face and form that fascinated Ramon." "Oh." "He transferred to the ''style of life" section of the newspaper where he did serieses on photographers' models and on the young women who aspired to be actresses." "The articles were accompanied by photos, and, as Ramon is a good writer, they were very popular with readers." "That makes sense." "There's something very powerful about the idea of― of physical beauty." "He's not stupid." "It was important for Ramon's career as a journalist." "He started appearing on television." "He spent part of each month in Madrid." "But our physical relation ended almost completely." "He wanted an open relation and encouraged me to go with other men." "What?" "He thought I should go with other men." " But you refused?" " No." "When ― When did you break up?" "''Break up"?" "Um, separate." "Break ― Break apart as a couple." "We haven't broken apart." "We live together." "(explosion)" " Jesus!" "What was that?" " I don't know." "God, that's where the USO is." "TED (narrating):" "A sailor from Brooklyn died in the USO bombing." "Fred thought we should wait with the sailor's friend for the midnight plane that was going to take the casket home." "He had a good voice, very deep." "He liked to sing those old Johnny Cash songs." "I really like those. ''Ring of Fire."" "Yeah." "SAILOR:" "He hoped to be sort of the Brooklyn Johnny Cash." "God, what a shame." " (Spanish accent) Johnny Cash?" " Yeah." "Where'd you get the Old Crow?" "Uh, the consul." "So he's not such a bad guy." "Well ―" "We should get started." "FRED: ''Our Father, preserve us from the dangers of the seas and the violence of enemies." "Bless the United States, watch over all that are upon the deep and protect the inhabitants of the land in peace and quiet." "All hands bury the dead."" "♪♪ (''Taps")" "''Unto Almighty God we commend the soul of our brother departed."" "♪♪ (''Taps" continues)" "(fireworks bursting)" "There are very many parties tonight." "At least three we should go to." " Three parties?" " Or four." "Will that guy be at-at any of them?" "I'm sure." "♪♪ (background:" "Spanish pop)" "Fuma." "Fuma." "Mont-Montserrat." "Toma." " That guy's here." " Yes." " Want to go?" " No." "Los representantes del sindicato norteamericano AFL-CIA ―" "CIA ― vinieron a Europa." "You can't say Americans are not more violent than other people." "No." "All those people killed in shootings in America?" "Oh, shootings, yes." "But that doesn't mean Americans are more violent than other people." "We're just better shots." "Jack refocused IHSMOCO on what he saw as its real business." "''This means motors and they must be fast," he would say." "Jack's one of those magnetic personalities from the World War II generation." "He was with Wild Bill Donovan in the OSS and parachuted into Sicily before the Allied landings." "He's supposed to come to Barcelona this summer." " I hope you get the chance to meet him." " Why do you think I should meet him?" "Well, he's one of the last of the greats." "It must be wonderful having a work you like and a boss you admire so." " Lately there's been some problems." "I don't know what's going on." " (stereo: free jazz)" "I haven't heard from Jack in ages, and he's put this terrible guy from Marketing in over us." " ♪♪ (horns, dissonant)" " Dickie Taylor." "He's this incredible jerk who ―" " FRED:" "Jesus!" " What's wrong?" "This music, I don't get it." "How could anybody dance to this?" " It's not dance music." " Well, that explains it." "What is it?" "It sounds familiar." " It's Vinyl Hampton." " Oh, God." " Isn't there any dancing at parties here?" " It's too early for dancing." "No." " You don't like jazz?" " No!" "I've never heard of anyone who didn't like jazz." "Really?" "How odd." "You really hate jazz?" "Myjazz rule is:" "If you can't dance to it, you don't want to know about it." "♪♪ (calypso)" "MAN:" "♪ Everybody limbo ♪" " Come on." " ♪ Come along and dance with me ♪" " ♪ Take some of your free time ♪" " Come on." "Come on." "♪ To get down and low with me ♪" "♪ Everybody limbo ♪" " ♪ Shimmy 'neath the limbo bar ♪" " Come on." " ♪ Show your sweet, sweet mama ♪" " Ahora, todos." "♪ What a limberjack you are ♪" " ♪ Limbo, limbo ♪ - ♪ Slippin' around now ♪" " Hola, Ted." " Hola." " ♪ Limbo, limbo ♪ - ♪ Care to dance solo?" "♪" "Un poco más bajo." "♪ So limbo ♪" "♪ Let your troubles sail away ♪" " This is almost impossible to do." " I always forget that." "Maybe it is too early." " ♪ Limbo, limbo ♪ - ♪ Go down low ♪♪" " ♪♪ (continues, indistinct) - (fireworks bursting)" "Take hamburgers." "Here, hamburguesas are really bad." "It's known that Americans like hamburgers, so again we're-we're idiots." "But they have no idea how-how delicious hamburgers can be." "It's this ideal burger of memory we crave, not the disgusting burgers you get abroad." "We can't even call ourselves Americans." "They love to correct you saying, ''South Americans are Americans too."" " Give me a break." " ''Norteamericano'' is the correct term." "But that makes no distinction between us or Canadians." "''Yankee" and ''gringo" are obviously pejorative, but it's the standard dictionary term that's the most insulting of all ― estadounidense." "Dense." "D-E-N-S-E." "It's the same spelling ― dense, thick, stupid." "Every time you hear it." "Estadounidense ― dense, dense." "It's a direct slap in the face." "It's incredible." "I think you are too sensitive." "Oh, great." "Now we're too sensitive." " (fireworks bursting) - (bell tolling)" "Fred, listen, I'm sorry." "Are you joking?" "Fred." "You weren't really offended by that, were you?" " No, I like being called dishonest." " I did not call you dishonest." "When we were kids, I borrowed some things." "It was never, ever theft." "In each case, I either told you or was about to." "I was joking." "You're really overreacting." "You're right." "I somewhat overreacted." "Before I realized it, I was already out the door." "It would have been embarrassing just going back and sitting down again." "There's something strange about the coffee here." "In Barcelona?" "I think it's really messed me up." "And you were so condescending." "You think I went into the navy because I was too dumb for finance, that I washed out at Shearson." " I have no idea what happened in New York." " I didn't wash out." "There was no disgrace." "They said I could go back." "I hated the idea of being stuck indoors for 40 years with two weeks off to go snorkeling annually." "The naval officer has one of the only white-collar jobs where you must deal intensively with the physical world all day long, and it counts." "It is not theoretical." "You dominate the elements in all four dimensions without a slip up, or it gets very wet." "Then there's all the ''fighting for freedom, defending democracy, shining city on the hill" stuff, which as you know, I really buy." "Jesus, that's right." "You ― You do." "The bill has come." "Must have been like this the night Francis Scott Key wrote ''The Star-Spangled Banner."" "Yeah." "MARTA:" "You have already finished?" "TED:" "Yeah." "It's, like, 2:00 AM." "Ramon was talking so fascinatingly, I stayed to listen to him." "What was so, uh, fascinating?" "He was talking about the AFL-CIA and the American labor unions." "He described how, after World War II, representatives of the American labor union, the AFL-CIA, were sent to Europe to crush progressive unionism." " How'd they do that?" " With sacks of money and the anticommunist tactics of your Senator Joey McCarthy." "The AFL-CIA?" "America's largest union ― terribly right-wing and facha.." "You have not heard of it?" "It's amazing the things Americans don't know about their own country." "There's ― There's no such thing as the AFL-CIA." "It's the AFL-CIO." "A-A-Actually, it's the AF of L-CIO." "It was formed when the American Federation of Labor merged with the more militant CIO." "How do you know so much about it?" "Chicago's probably the capital of 20th-century American trade unionism." "The American labor leaders who came to Europe then ―" "Jay Lovestone and, um ― were giants." "So what Marta said was partly true." "What do you mean partly true?" "I mean, they were people." "I'm sure I've heard of the AFL-CIA." "There is some important American labor union of that name." "♪♪ (background:" "Spanish pop)" "FRED:" "Oh, so now it's late enough to dance." "Dance?" "There's an empty room where you could work during the day." "Are you proposing we shake up together?" "Um, sh-sh-shack up together." "You use the expression ''shacked up"" "when you don't like one of the people involved." "You and Ramon were shacked up." "We would just be living together." "What about Fred?" "He's moving out." "She's a model he was interviewing." "He's just all work." "What a creep." "Ramon might not be as bad as you think he is." "There is a reason he goes with so many women." " He has a problem." " What?" "After he knows a woman well, he cannot have sex with her well." "He-He has a sexual ― sexual impotence problem of some kind?" " Of some kind." " FRED:" "That's terrible." "Poor guy." " But it explains a lot." " What?" "I think it's well known that anti-Americanism has its roots in sexual impotence." "At least in Europe." "There is no union called the AFL-CIA, is there?" " No." " Give me a break." "This bombing reminds one strongly of the United States blowing up its own ship, the Maine, in Havana Harbor as the pretext for starting the war of 1898." "But an American sailor died in the bombing." "I find it hard to believe even the Americans would kill their own people." "No." "The American elections are approaching." "A quick attack on some foreign bogeyman ― Libya, Iran ― might rescue the American president's declining popularity." " FRED:" "You really liked him?" " The American Sixth Fleet, which was to have shown the pendant in Barcelona this week, is still sailing the South Mediterranean, awaiting such a pretext." "WOMAN:" "Americans seem like ―" " Did you hear that?" " Yeah." "Poor guy." "The most disgusting slanders you can imagine." " Someone's got to say something." " No." "Don't." "This-This scumbag is going around saying that the USO bombing was arranged by the Americans themselves." "TED:" "That's a lie!" " What?" " Everything you said." "The Americans' exploding of their own ship, the Maine, in 1898 is an historical fact, established well." "The other is still a thesis, but an increasingly likely one." "Both are disgusting lies." "No, Ted." "All the history books say that about the Maine." "Scumbag." "Jesus, Ted, I'm the one who's supposed to go berserk." "You could have helped me out back there." "I can't get into political arguments, and you did fine." "I made a complete fool out of myself." "That's one of the first rules of sales." "Never get involved in matters of public controversy." " I couldn't not reply." " No." "Don't get into a funk about it." "Who was listening?" " Four or five drugged-up good-timers at some party." " Twenty people, at least." "So you made a fool of yourself in front of 20 or 30 people." "So what?" "No, I really like it here." "I'm really comfortable." "It's just that we talked about your staying three days." "It's already been much longer." "I thought, with the fleet delayed, you'd want another place to stay." "No." "This is nice." "The thing is, I'm trying to get Mont-Montserrat to move in." "Well, that's great." "I really like Montserrat." "Weren't you thinking of staying at Marta's?" "No." "Since being here, I've begun to realize how important family is." "You and I are family." "I want to be with family now." "Yeah, well, I want to be with Montserrat." "I'm really surprised at you shacking up with her." "I would have thought that was against your morals or something." "You really want me out of here, don't you?" "♪♪ (car stereo: pop ballad)" "I still need to pick up my music from his apartment." " What music?" " My radio-cassette and tapes of music." "The situation's still pretty raw." "You really need those things urgently?" "I really need them urgently." "It just seems unwise to go back so soon after you broke apart." "(Fred snorts)" "What's that mean?" "Suit yourself." "♪♪ (continues: woman singing in Spanish)" " Hola." " Hola." " Perfecto." " (door slams)" "Perdona." "Montserrat." "Tenemos que hablar." "¿No te parece?" "Who's the girl?" "She's a girl from the fair who wants to be an actress." "What a creep." "What it is about is a big country, the United States, making war on a little country." "In the US government's view, which I'm not in any way endorsing," " (Fred scoffs) - the US policy is ― Maybe this will help." "Maybe an analogy will help." "Take-Take these ants." "In the US view, a small group or cadre of fierce red ants have taken power and are oppressing the black ant majority." "Now, the stated US policy is to aid those black ants opposing the red ants in hopes of restoring democracy and to impede the red ants from assisting their red ant comrades in neighboring ant colonies." "That is the clearest and most disgusting description of US policy I have ever heard." "The third world is just a lot of ants to you." "Those are people dying, not ants." "TED:" "No, I don't think you understand." "I was reducing everything to ant scale, the US included." "An ant White House, an ant CIA, an ant Congress, an ant Pentagon." "Secret ant landing strips illegally established on foreign soil." " Where are the red ants?" " There." "TED:" "That was really terrible." "You were blowing it way out of proportion." "Don't take it so seriously." "Those red ants were bad news." "They weren't any good for anybody." "I was trying to convince them to look at Americans in a new way." "Then, in one stupid move, you confirm their worst assumptions." "I did not confirm their worst assumptions." "I am their worst assumption." "Now Ramon is certain you are CIA." "''Where are the red ants?" Whonk!" "It was a joke!" "I'm not going to apologize." "The little bastards got what they deserved." "TED (narrating):" "Montserrat decided to ride back with Ramon to pick up her things." "Oh." "Thanks." "♪♪ (woman singing ballad in Spanish)" "TED (narrating):" "Montserrat called at 8:00 the next morning, but I'd already left for the office." "Losing a sale doesn't bother me so much." "I'll make other sales." "But there's this thought I can't shake that's ― that's really getting me down." "Maybe I'm not cut out for sales." "I thought I liked sales and was good at it, but maybe I'm not cut out for it." "What exactly is the problem?" "Spending your whole life doing something you're basically ill-suited to, wasting your life?" "It's ki-kind of depressing." "God." " Maybe I'm not cut out for the navy." " I got to get back." "You're going back to work now?" "For somebody not cut out for something, you're pretty obsessed with it." "Yeah." "That doesn't mean anything." "It's, uh, okay if I stay another night?" "Sure." "TED (narrating):" "The call from Chicago I'd been dreading came that evening." "Uh-huh." "Okay." "Okay." "Good-bye." "That was Dickie." "He's coming to Barcelona to speak with me." "He won't say what it's about." "I'm getting canned." "TED (narrating):" "Ramon's article appeared the next day." "It's incredible." "The most disgusting slander." "Incredible!" "(reading) Yet again, Americans themselves suspected in USO bombing." "And where do they get this about us blowing up the Maine?" "I'm going to the consulate." "They've got to reply to this." "Mm-hmm. ¿Qué mes?" " Molt be." "Allaorens." " God." "I can't believe it." "Adéu siao.What?" "You're not going to believe this." "The consul ―" " What?" " That half bottle of Old Crow?" "He accused me of stealing it." " But he gave you that." " I thought he had." "He was on this interminable phone call, so I went like this ―" "I was sure that he saw me and indicated it was okay." " But you replaced it?" " Yeah." "You can't find Old Crow over here, so I got a bottle of Jim Beam, which actually costs more." " The bottle in the kitchen?" " Yeah." "You've been drinking that." "I am not gonna replace a half bottle of Old Crow with a full bottle of Jim Beam." " I'm not an idiot." " You haven't replaced it yet?" " Don't you see how bad that looks?" " Oh, God." "Give me a break." "Fred, after a while, the line between borrowing things without returning them and theft becomes awfully thin." "Take that back." "Until you retract that, I'm not gonna say another word to you." "Okay." "What you're referring to happened 20 years ago and not at all the way you're implying." "Your kayak was a death ship." "I almost went down in that thing." "Thank God it was me and not you." "I was the stronger swimmer and able to get away." " I probably... saved your life." " Oh, great." "It wasn't only the kayak." "God, you are obsessed with material possessions." " Está bien." " Maybe the Spanish are right." "This American materialism is terrible." "You're just like the consul ― much more interested in your crummy possessions than in answering the most hideously false and disgusting blood libel." "Were you like this at the consulate?" "Do you know what the consulate intends to do?" "Nothing." "He doesn't want to jeopardize his relationship with the press." "You've gotta be more careful, Fred." "You can't go around mouthing off this way." " ''Mouthing off"?" " Yeah." "These are vile lies." "We know how disgusting they are, but nobody here does." " We've got to reply to this." " ''We"?" "Yeah." "I drafted a brief letter for your signature." "TED:" "I cannot say that their article made me want to vomit." "FRED:" "Maybe that's not a good way to open." "I could put it at the end." "What are all these tiny red dots on your papers?" "(phone ringing)" "Digim." "Oh, hi." "No, he's not here." "I don't know." "I just got in." "Apparently, he's not home yet." "No." "He didn't say anything." "Okay." "I'll give him the message." "Un abrazo." "Chao." "That was Montserrat." "What's going on there?" " Ted has not said anything?" " No." "He has been in a weird funk." " Well, it is all his fault." " Really?" "Watch." "I am taking just one 5,000-peseta note." "You're my witness." "And I'm leaving my signed, personal IOU for that amount to be repaid within 24 ― well, 72 hours." " Yes, it is true." " It's actually better this way." "He would have lent it to me, but this just spares us the acrimony." "You don't mind waiting?" "I'll just be a few minutes." "No." "MARTA:" "Ramon is very smart." "That evening, one by one, he broke down all her reasons for leaving him." "For instance, he has returned to writing for the newspaper's international section." "Yeah, I know." "Great." "He pointed out that no matter how well she and Ted were in Barcelona, at some point Ted would want to return to Chicago, which he considers to be the most beautiful city in the world." "That's crazy." "San Francisco is." "Ramon is very persuasive, and he painted a terrible picture of what it would be like for her to live the rest of her life in America with all of its crime, consumerism and vulgarity." "All those loud, badly dressed, fat people watching their 80 channels of television and visiting shopping malls." "The plastic, ''throw everything away" society with its notorious violence and racism." "And finally, the total lack of culture." "It's a problem." "Ramon was very clever because he never said anything opposing Ted directly." "He did not even mention that terrible thing about the ants." "He simply pointed up how Montserrat would be separating herself from her family and friends forever." "Even if she came back every year, her children would grow up as Americans, eating hamburgers." "Finally, Montserrat was sobbing." "What he was describing was so bleak." "You mean, she's dumped Ted and gone back to Ramon because of some conversation?" "No, that is just it." "She just wanted to have a serious talk with Ted, but the way he has acted, he has practically forced her into the arms of Ramon." "She is in the arms of Ramon?" "No." "I-I don't know." "When you were in Rhode Island, was the crime and vulgarity really so bad?" "Oh, great." "God." "What's going on?" "I'm getting canned." "But you're the best they've got." "You always say so." "Yeah, I know." "This jerk, Dickie Taylor, is calling the shots now." "I don't know how Jack could let it happen this way." "God." "And on top of that thing with Montserrat." "Are you sure you know what you're doing there?" "Marta said you practically forced Montserrat back into Ramon's arms." "She said that?" "I don't know what happened." "Everything was going so well." "And then suddenly she never showed up that night after going to pick up her things from Ramon's." "Apparently, they talked until dawn, and she ended up sleeping on the sofa." "Which, for all I know, is true." "Marta said he laid it on really thick with the ''violence and racism in the USA" angle." "But it wouldn't change everything this way." "Something spooked her." "As if I'd been crowding her." "I was really playing it cool too." "What makes you think that?" "Suddenly, she doesn't want to move in." "She wants to have a serious talk." " You know what that means." " You should at least talk with her." "No." "That would be a disaster." "Forever I would be the jerk who was crowding her, whom she had to talk to seriously." " But saying you have a work emergency." " I do have a work emergency." "Then you're too busy to see her." "I don't know." "Have you heard of Maneuver ''X"?" "When you get deeply into sales, you realize that every major transaction involves a mini identity crisis for the buyer." "You think, uh, a green carpet." "Am I really a green carpet person?" "In romance, the same thing applies, but on a humongous scale." "But what is Maneuver ''X"?" "It's removing all pressure, creating sort of a space that the customer has to affirmatively cross." "Only by disappearing more thoroughly and inexplicably than Montserrat can I change the current dynamic." "Will it?" "I don't know." "I think it will." "If not, I'm dead." "Wow." "You've really thought this through." "That's really impressive." "I haven't thought through anything about Marta." "But isn't Maneuver ''X" just another way of putting what we usually refer to as playing hard to get?" "No." "Huh." " I'm being followed." " Give me a break." "There is a guy following me." "Come here." "I'll show you." "Not there." "He'll see you." "Over here." "Okay." "Edge your eyes around." "He's on that pedestrian island a little further down." "He's ― He's in the car?" "What car?" "No." "He's gone." "There really was a guy." "Wherever I went, he went." " What did he look like?" " You know, sort of suspicious-looking." "What was he wearing?" "He was carrying something." "A camera, I think." "The words to pop songs are the only literature of advice we have on romantic matters." " Most of the advice very bad." " Oh." "Maybe you can clarify something for me." "Since I've been waiting for the fleet to show up, I've read a lot." " And ―" " Really?" "One of the things that keeps cropping up is this about subtext." "Plays, novels, songs ― they all have a subtext, which I take to mean a hidden message or import of some kind." "So, subtext we know." "But what do you call the message or meaning that's right there on the surface, completely open and obvious?" "They never talk about that." "What do you call what's above the subtext?" "The text." "Okay, that's right." "But they never talk about that." "Jesus!" "The anti-Americanism here's incredible." "Oh, my God." "Jesus!" "CIA network discovered in Barcelona." "Operations run by Fred Boynton?" "How can they print this stuff?" "(coins drop on counter)" "(coins clattering)" "Well, finally." "God." "Incredible." "God, that was horrible." "Blame the victim." "There was even a call from the Pentagon, furious." "It's been the worst day of my life." "God, that consul's annoying." "That white car is following us." " Which white car?" "They're all white." " The Renault." " They're all Renaults." " Oh, cut it out." "That white Renault's been following me all afternoon." "The last thing I need is more press coverage." "It's got Gerona plates." "(club music: woman singing disco) ♪ I've seen the way the stranger's gonna play ♪" "(people chattering in Spanish)" "Why do you always go to the bathroom with other people?" "I wasn't born yesterday, you know." "You were not born yesterday?" "I don't understand you." "You're not in a very nice mood tonight." "You gave Ramon that information." "I had no idea it was of significance." "Couldn't you tell I was joking?" "I am not in the CIA." " It was obviously a joke." " I have no idea what you are." "You promised not to repeat to Montserrat what I said about Ted." "About his wanting to marry her?" "I had to tell her." "She is my friend." "She already suspected something like that anyway." "She was worried about getting involved with someone who thought in such extremist terms." "Extremist?" "I think there is something fascist about a boy who immediately talks of marrying a woman he likes." "I don't think Ted is a fascist of the marrying kind." "You're right." "Something did spook her." "Apparently, I said something to Marta about you wanting to marry and spend the rest of your life with her." "I never even told you." "Well, you never confide anything in me, so I have to extrapolate." "What ― Why did you tell her?" "You're in this conversation, it has this momentum, you want to tell the other person interesting or funny things, and you end up telling 'em things which, on reflection, maybe you shouldn't." "This isn't just some funny thing." "I would take it back if I could." "Montserrat's gone to Paris to take the summer program at the institute." "I'm sorry." "I don't know if this is the right time to mention this ―" "Well, I'm sure it isn't, but ―" "I think I might be in love with Montserrat too." "What if you and Montserrat are not perfect for each other?" "What if Montserrat and I are?" "Am I supposed to give up any possibility of happiness, of ever knowing whether she was precisely the one person in the world I was meant to be with just because of the accident that you met her first?" "I hate your guts." "I know." "I'll never mention this again." "I gotta go to Milan this morning." "I was thinking about going up to Paris on Monday." "There's IHSMOCO business I should take care of there." "Call Montserrat before you go?" "I think I'll just call her when I get there." "You know, play it somewhat cool." "So you're keeping on with Maneuver ''X"?" "Yeah." "Uh, a modified ''X."" "Oh, I forgot." "I borrowed 5,000 pesetas the other night." "Is it okay if I pay you back later?" "You have this bad habit of borrowing things without informing the lender." "Sorry about that." "''I owe you 5,000 pesetas to be repaid within 24 ― 72 hours." "F."" " So you've crossed over into real larceny." " What?" "I didn't take it." "I took just one 5,000-peseta note." "The rest was all here." "I don't care." "That's ― That's enough." "You can't think that I would really steal." "How does it look?" "Bitch." "I will either get your money back or I will pay you back myself." "Good." "Jesus!" "I don't steal." "I didn't take your money." "You've always been so self-righteous towards me, ever since we were 10." " It is really unbearable." " What happened when we were 10?" "You're such a liar." "God!" "(car door closes)" "♪♪ (stereo: disco)" "(heavy breathing, muffled)" "(woman murmuring)" "MARTA:" "Fred?" "Fred!" "Every day, in every way, I am becoming a better and better lieutenant junior grade." "Every day, in every way, I am becoming a better and better lieutenant junior grade." "Every day, in every way ―" "(breathing with respirator)" "TED (narrating):" "Even the disasters that strike those we are closest to only reach us filtered through our own colossal egotism." "My response to what happened to Fred was swamped in subjective emotion, mostly guilt." "I prayed for him all the time, but with the constant doubt that I was probably just kidding myself." "I was beginning to suspect my religious faith was largely bogus." "I resolved to stay there all the time and do whatever I possibly could to improve Fred's chances for recovery." "(buzzing)" "Fred was shot just before one of the long summer weekends." "By late Friday, the hospital's entire senior medical staff seemed to have disappeared." "I can't believe you're just going." "There must be something more you can do." "Don't worry." "Your buddy will get the best medicine care." "(children chattering)" "For me, ''don't worry" is the most frightening phrase in the English language." "(imitating Spanish accent) ''Don't gworrie," even more so." "It almost invariably means they're not going to worry, but you better had." "Jesus." "Each hour Fred remained unconscious, his chances apparently got worse." "I'd heard the sound of familiar voices could help, so I tried to keep up a steady stream of chatter in Fred's room." "(chattering)" "And to arrange an around-the-clock vigil of friends to read to him." "But it was hard finding books in English Fred might like." "''We seek him here, we seek him there, those Frenchies seek him everywhere." "Is he in heaven?" "Is he in hell?" "That damned elusive Pimpernel."" "What was disillusioning was how some people let you down when someone gets sick." " (message machine beeps)" " It's 9:30." "The situation's really bad." "I don't understand why you haven't shown up yet." "You're really needed here." "TED (narrating):" "Aurora turned out to be a real trouper." "Marta never showed up." "The consul turned out to be a great guy, terrific with the hospital administration." "He couldn't believe Fred had taken the thing about the Old Crow bottle seriously." "I was just kidding." "I forgot guys who joke around a lot can be so sensitive themselves." "I have no sense of humor, so he must have assumed I was serious." "Among the plainclothes navy guards assigned at the hospital was our friend Frank, who in his off-duty hours helped me with the reading." "'''Wherever you are, depravity and evil are to be found,' said Pierre to his wife." "'Anatole, come with me." "I want a word with you,' he uttered in French."" "TED (narrating):" "Fred and I were both so-called only cousins." "The only cousin each of us had." "We didn't hate each other our whole childhood." "The summer we were 10, there was a 36-hour period we were on quite good terms." "After we both cut ourselves in a freak fishing accident, we even took advantage of all the blood to become blood brothers." "Later that afternoon, I went into town with my parents." "I never saw my kayak again." "(speaking Spanish)" " ¿Conmigo?" " Sí." "I was expecting Aurora, but the nurse said another woman was there who wanted to speak with me." "Oh." "Hi." "You got my messages." "(murmuring)" "We can go out." "You probably want to be with him alone for a while." "No." "Actually, I am here to see you." " It's about Fred?" " No." "I'll walk you out." "Ted, you should go home, go to sleep." "You look so tired." "Greta and I can stay here." "Greta has very good English and loves this book." "Okay." "Thanks." "There's still hope, you know." "I mean, more than hope." "He could come out of it at any time and be basically okay with very little consequences." "Or very few." " Good-bye." " Adéu." " Adéu." " Cuídate." " Okay. ''That man is somehow" ―" " Right." "'''That man is somehow closely and painfully connected with me,' thought Prince Andre." "Suddenly, he remembered Natasha as he'd first seen her at the ball in 1810, with her slender neck and arms, with her timid happy face prepared for ecstasy."" "TED:" "Fifteen minutes don't go by that I don't think of her." " I think about her all the time." " That's too bad." "I thought you'd gotten over her." " What do you mean?" " It was impossible." "You had no chance." "Why do you say that?" "It's only my opinion." "When Fred was shot, did he have envelopes of cash money with him?" "Yes." "That money is mine, and I need it back." " What?" " I need that money back." "I'm going on a journey." "That money was taken from me." "Fred was just recovering it." "You suspect me of having taken that money?" "I'm sorry." "You didn't take it?" "I did, but it was only 300,000 pesetas." "When Fred came, he took more than those." " What do you want?" " I want the money that belongs to me." " How much is that?" " 200,000 pesetas." "I need that money." "I'm going away." " Where?" " The Maldive Islands." "The Maldives?" "I've decided to change my life completely, but I need that money." "From now on, I want to lead an exemplary life." "Exemplary?" "What about Fred?" "Fred should not want to see me." "Something shameful happened." "He did not tell you about it?" "And I think the one Fred truly liked was Montserrat, though he would never tell you." "(rings)" "Diga." "TED (narrating):" "Fred had gone into convulsions while Aurora's friend was with him." "It's not your fault." "You did everything right." "It was very good you were there." " (monitor: rhythmic beeping) - (breathing with respirator)" "Can you hear anything, man?" "If you pull through this, you can rest up at the lake for the rest of the summer." "Try and think about the lake." "Do you mind?" "I feel sort of awkward with someone looking on." "What?" "I was gonna say something, and it's sort of awkward." "It'll only be five or 10 minutes." "No, I'm sorry." "Oh." "Well, okay." "You know some Catholic prayer?" "Are you the boy who wanted to marry Montserrat?" "No." " Who told you that?" " What?" "That I wanted to marry Montserrat." "It was just a story of an American boy who fell in love with Montserrat and decided that he wanted to marry and spend the rest of his life with her while they were dancing to a Bee Gees song." "Is he the boy who's in love with Montserrat?" "No." " I don't think so." " Montserrat does know you." "She called here shortly after you left and asked about both of you." "What did she say?" "I don't know." "Aurora took the call." "Why weren't you in that article on the most beautiful women at the trade fair?" "You thought I should be there?" "Sure." " I loathe that fellow." "Do you know him?" " We've met." "That's interesting." "You ― You loathe him." "How come?" "I don't have the English, but in Castilian, we'd say he's replente." "Repellant." "That's good." " What's your name?" " Greta." " That's not very Catalan." " Well, I'm not very Catalan." "Who's this?" "Oh." " Are you religious?" " Quasi." " Do you want to be an artist?" " No." "Listen." "You should get some rest." " You think I should go?" " Well ―" "I could stay here longer, if you like, until Aurora comes." "Actually, I was thinking of sacking out here." "Sacking out?" "Sleeping here on the chairs maybe." "Oh." "Do you really think he will become well?" "Are you convinced of that?" "Yes." "It was great that you were here last night." "Thanks for staying." " Oh, hi." " Hi." "I'm sorry I didn't come so soon." "I only heard yesterday." "You only heard yesterday?" "Is he any better?" "No." "Not yet." "Fred was right." "I persecute him for triv-trivialities." "There were all these things that I blew way out of proportion, things that seemed like crimes at the time, but were really of no importance whatsoever." "Maybe he did save my life going down in the kayak that way." "And those board scores, that couldn't have been right." "Before that, I always thought Fred was smarter than I was." "Well, maybe not smarter, but maybe his explanation was true." "Fred said that when he took the boards, this incredibly annoying girl sat next to him who kept fiddling and fidgeting with her brassiere." "Fred went to an all-boys school and found her fidgeting so distracting and annoying, he lost his place on the answer sheet." " You thought that was not true?" " I always assumed it was false." "(gasps)" "No." "That's the way it's been." "He moves, and you think he's come out of it, but he hasn't." "Should we go somewhere to talk?" "Until Fred comes out of this, I kind of made a resolution not to do or think about anything else." " Maybe when Aurora comes." " We came together." "They're in the cafeteria." "I'll get them." "I'll stay here with Fred." "Our Father who art in heaven, please forgive us our sins and please bring Fred back to full consciousness with all his mental capabilities and everything reasonably intact." "Please forgive my doubting, vainglory and unworthiness." "Oh, give me a break." "Fred?" "Fred?" "Doctor!" "NURSE:" "¿Doctor?" "Se ha despertado." "TED:" "How much can you remember?" "Pregúntale quién eres." "Do you remember who I am?" " Do you remember who I am?" " Yes!" "Who am I?" "Some civilian." " Otra vez." " Who am I?" "The kid with the kayak, but older and fatter!" "Leave me alone!" "This is terrific." "He's gonna have a complete recovery." "It's amazing." "This is really good." "It looks like his recovery is gonna be absolutely complete, wouldn't you say?" " Yes, his memory ―" " But over the long term." "Yes, over the long term." "It looks like his recovery is going to be absolutely complete." "Yes." "(car horn honks)" " Damn!" " You fell asleep." "Typical of this guy to make me meet him at the airport." " Who?" " Dickie Taylor, the terrible guy from Marketing." "Has it set up so I gotta race off to the airport to get fired." "I can't believe that." "They're crazy." "I don't know." "I've been having all these doubts." "Can you stay at the hospital with Fred until I get back?" "Mm-hmm." "Thanks for coming out." "I'm sorry to set it up this way." "The only connecting flight's at 11:00." "I should get to what I'm here for." "I'm afraid I have some really bad news." "It is bad news?" " Yeah." " I thought so." "Listen, Dickie, let's make this a lot easier." "I quit." "What I don't understand is why Jack couldn't call me himself and tell me." " It's not right." " What are you talking about?" "Jack's sick." " He's gonna die." " What?" " Jack's sick." " God, I can't believe it." "Yeah, the whole company's devastated." "Jack's the last of the greats." " Such a great guy." " Yeah, he is." "I'll admit I always resented the incredible favoritism he showed you." " There was no ― no favoritism." " Oh, come on." "Anyway, Jack's very worried about the company." "Dwight and Ron are older than Jack, and, with Tom Grey gone, there's no middle generation to succeed them." "Jack asked me whom in our class I could work with best." "Naturally, I mentioned you." "It's great, the feedback you've been giving us in Marketing." "It's had a critical dimension, but basically I think you're right." "This idea of marketing as a science is pure myth." "He wants pledges from both of us to stay with the company at least five years." "He wants you back in Chicago as soon as possible." " I thought you were here to fire me." " Yeah." "What was all that ''I quit" stuff about?" "For a moment, I thought ―" "Well..." "I'm so far behind those sales targets you set." "I didn't set them." "Jack did." " What?" " You don't know Jack's theory about you." "He thinks that basically you aren't cut out for sales, that it's not your life's work." "But as long as you thought you were behind, you'd struggle to keep up and not worry about whether you were cut out for it or not." " Jack doesn't think I'm cut out for sales?" " Not the way Henry or someone like him is." "But selling is more than just a job one is cut out or not cut out for." "It's a culture, it's a whole way of thinking about experience, bringing to bear all of the insights of Carnegie and Bettger." "We all like Carnegie and Bettger." "Sales is at the heart of any commercial corporation." " But have you read Drucker?" " I always saw that as the cult of management." "No." "Drucker's terrific." "You gotta read it." "Here." "The insight packed into this little book is incredible." "I'll slip into Kroch's when I get back and pick up a copy." "No, keep it." "I've practically memorized it." "It's much easier for me to go to Kroch's when I get back." "Thanks." "But you've got to admit, it looks like you're well on the way to complete and total recovery." "I mean, it's incredible." "Just cut out the Pollyanna, Little Miss Mary Sunshine complete-recovery crap." "My God." "You're almost pathological." "Sometimes I'd like to wring your neck." "Well, the mood swings are new." "Rehabilitation is fine for houses, but, for people, it is unspeakably boring." "Do you know what the whole basis for physical therapy is?" "Doing the same thing over and over and over again." " Una paja, por favor." " But it really is important." "Oh, yeah." "But what's the upside?" "Learning how to do things you already knew how to do much better before?" "Um, you-you really should read Drucker." " You think it's applicable to the navy?" " Yeah." "And to whatever else you do afterwards." "Started remembering things about that girl you talked about ― Marta." "Everything has gone so badly." "I'm not gonna be a crybaby about this." "I remember something about a limbo stick." "Yeah." "There was a limbo stick." "TED (narrating):" "While I was in Chicago," "Fred used my office to prepare the fleet information sheet." " WOMAN:" "Hola." " Hola." "Great." "Thanks." "That's really nice." "Thanks." "Barcelona and Chicago never seemed more beautiful than they did that fall." "Commuting between them, I started routing the trip through London to fly into Chicago directly, avoiding New York and Madrid entirely." "Twice I ran into Greta on the London leg." "Apparently, she was visiting friends there." "It was incredibly sad watching Jack's decline, but he still had good days, and the memory of these will always be incredibly important to all of us." "When I got back to Barcelona, I had to move quickly to plan the wedding and wrap up my IHSMOCO work." "You never said anything about getting married." "TED (narrating):" "Fred's attitude really puzzled me." "Initially, he seemed quite bitter." "I've never seen you like this ― so cocky." "Aren't you taking a lot of things for granted?" "The boyfriend's still in the picture." "I'm not taking anything for granted until the vows have actually ―" "Well, that's it." "You think wedding vows are gonna change everything?" "God, your naïveté is astounding." "Didn't you see The Graduate?" "You can re ― can remember The Graduate?" "Yeah." "I can remember a few things." "Apparently, you don't." "The end?" "Katherine Ross has just married this really cool guy ― tall, blond, incredibly popular, the make-out king of his fraternity in Berkeley ― when this obnoxious Dustin Hoffman character shows up at the back of the church and starts pounding on the glass, acting like a total asshole." "(mock whimpering) ''Elaine!" "Elaine!"" "Does Katherine Ross tell Dustin Hoffman, ''Get lost, creep." "I'm a married woman"?" "No." "She runs off with him... on a bus." "That is the reality." "Thanks a lot." "TED (narrating):" "Then Fred's tone changed completely, and he became almost insanely positive about the approaching wedding." "Of course I like her." "She's great." "The thing is, you're really right for each other." "It makes sense." " So, she's accepted and everything?" " Of course she's accepted." "That's great then." "(bell tolling)" "Positive thinking is fine in theory, but whenever I try it on a systematic basis, I end up really depressed." "Hasn't really worked for me either." "Oh, God!" " Oh, good." " ''Oh, good"?" "You invited that guy?" "He was great when you were in the hospital." "I think maybe you misjudged him." " He seems like a nice guy." " He's paid to act that way." " Hi." "How you doing?" " Nice to see you." " Hi." "How are you?" " Good morning." "How you doing?" "(woman chattering)" "(bell tolling)" "There's no one from the bride's side." "Her parents wanted to keep it really small." "They must be delighted having their daughter marry an estadouni-dense." "No, they're ― they're not that way." "Her family's terrific." "(scooter approaching)" "Javier." " Hola. ¿Qué tal?" " Bien." "Ah, my father wanted me to explain you," "''Sorry for the inconvenience." "Please take coffee." "We there be soon."" " Everything's fine with your sister?" " Yes, everything is fine." "We not understand where she is, but not a problem." "FRED:" "Oh, God." "No, not a problem." "My sister is a very serious girl." " Do you know that?" " Yes." "CONSUL:" "Let's go to the Mesón." "Una Cuba libre." "Things have been pretty tense." "I've hardly slept in a week." "Her old boyfriend resurfaced on Wednesday." "Not a problem." "I don't think anti-Americanism is really all that significant a phenomenon." " It's really nothing to take personally." " Sorry if I take it personally." " Well, what is it then?" " Let me use an analogy." "The United States is like an enormous ant farm." "Oh, God." "Not ants." "An ant farm is a see-through plastic case enclosing an ant colony." "It's a toy sold to children so they can watch ants build their own little societies inside." "I think the US is sort of like an ant farm for the rest of the world." "But people living in other countries can't observe the ants directly." "They must rely on journalists and commentators for a description of everything going on inside." "The problem is that these people all seem to hate ants." "Hmm." "CONSUL:" "You know, I don't know if anyone's ever mentioned this to you before, but it looks to me like you could be shaving in the wrong direction." "I wonder about that all the time." "Your father never taught you?" "He uses an electric razor, so it never occurred to me to ask." " Oh." " Your father uses an electric razor?" "I never knew that." "Well, he's light-haired, so it never really mattered." "But I really have to shave." "It's no joke." "So what is the right way to shave then?" "CONSUL:" "First you wash in a lot of hot water." "(bell tolling)" "Ah, they have just explained me." "All are coming now." "Not a problem." "Listen." "I know this is awkward." "But you're gonna be leaving town soon, and now that everything seems set," "I thought I should mention I'm gonna be calling Montserrat and asking her out." "I can't remember how everything was before I was shot, but since then," "I've had this incredible feeling for her which I've never had before." "And it's not some silly crush." "I've seen her in all sorts of different situations and contexts, some of them really difficult." "You clearly realized the way things were between you before she did, and that was very hard for her as it was hard for you before." "We spent hours on the phone together, and she's so fascinating and charming that I can't stand the thought of going back without her." "I'm sure she'd like San Francisco more than she'd like Chicago." "And it'd be great going to lake summers with you and Greta there." " God, you always do this." " I always do this?" "Couldn't you just try and be a little sympathetic, a little cousinly?" " Pretend I'm one of your customers." " Okay, okay." "But, Jesus, do we have to get into this now?" "Things are a little tense." "I'm getting married, and the bride hasn't shown up." "She'll show up." "She's gaga for you." "You think so?" "I don't think she spent all that time in the hospital just to see how War and Peace turned out." "Greta's actually looking forward to the 80 channels of television and the abundance of consumer products in the US ― it doesn't bother her at all." "Of course not." "She's terrific." "You, more than anyone, should want Montserrat to have some chance of happiness in life." "You're Montserrat's chance for happiness in life?" "Maybe." "What's your plan?" "Are you gonna play it somewhat cool?" "I'm gonna play it really cool." "Hello." "Please." "I know some people think that the articles I wrote were in some way related to your shooting." "I don't agree that a journalist should be criticized for writing articles he believes to be true." "But if anything I have done caused you harm in any way, please accept my sincere regret." "If there is anything I can do for you in the future, please do not hesitate, hmm?" "Thank you very much." "Actually, I think there might be something." "TED:" "That one." "These go with these and those with those." "Fantastic." " Incredible!" " You see?" "We're not such idiots." "AURORA:" "Hola, Ted." "Mmm." "Hamburguesas." "Van muy bien con pan con tomate, ¿sabes?" " ¿Sí?" " ¿Quedan tomates?" "Sí." "Vamos." "She's really beautiful." " Yeah." " I'm not sure how important that is." "No, I really like her." "There's one thing though." "She keeps asking about my underwear and then smirking." "As if I'm supposed to know what she's talking about." "What are ''weekends of fun"?" "Oh." "That." "Mon-Montserrat was the same way." "Apparently, it's some Barcelona girl thing." " That does sound familiar." " Hmm." "Odd." "That's one of the great things about getting involved with someone from another country." "You can't take it personally." "What's really terrific is that when we act in ways which might objectively seem asshole-ish or incredibly annoying, they don't get upset at all." "They don't take it personally." "They just assume it's some national characteristic." " Cosa de gringos." " Yeah." "Fantastic." " Yeah." " Yeah." "(women laughing)" "♪♪ (woman singing ballad in Spanish)" "♪♪ (ballad continues)" "♪♪ (fades, ends)" "MAN:" "♪ Everybody limbo ♪" "♪ Come along and dance with me ♪" "♪ Take some of your free time ♪" "♪ To get down and low with me ♪" "♪ Everybody limbo ♪" "♪ Shimmy 'neath the limbo bar ♪" "♪ Show your sweet, sweet mama ♪" "♪ What a limberjack you are ♪" " ♪ Limbo, limbo ♪ - ♪ Slippin' around now ♪" " ♪ Limbo, limbo ♪ - ♪ Havin' some fun now ♪" " ♪ Limbo, limbo ♪ - ♪ Care to dance solo?" "♪" " ♪ Ah ♪ - ♪ Got to let go ♪" "♪ So, limbo, let your trouble sail away ♪" "♪ Let the rhythm take you ♪" "♪ On an island holiday ♪" "♪ Limbo, limbo ♪" "♪ Go down low ♪" " ♪ Limbo, limbo ♪" " You can do better than that, baby." " ♪ Limbo, limbo ♪ - ♪ Come on and limbo ♪" " ♪ Limbo, limbo ♪ - ♪ Come on, yeah ♪" "♪ Yeah, havin' some fun ♪" "♪ Everybody limbo ♪" "♪ Come along and dance with me ♪" "♪ Take some of your free time ♪" "♪ To get down and low with me ♪" "♪ Everybody limbo ♪" "♪ Keep the party going strong ♪" "♪ Come along and follow me ♪" "♪ Shimmy into Babylon ♪" "♪ Whoa-oh ♪" "♪ Come on, baby ♪" "♪ Limbo, limbo, hey-hey ♪" "♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪♪"