"You make man?" "No." "Woman." "Woman?" "THEME SONG:" "Weird Science." "Pictures from a magazine, diagrams and charts, mending broken hearts and making weird science." "Something like a recipe, bits and pieces, bits and pieces." "My creation, is it real?" "It's my creation." "My creation." "It's my creation." "No heart of gold, just flesh and blood." "I do not know." "It's my creation." "My creation." "It's my creation." "From my heart and from my hand." "Why don't people understand?" "Hes alive." "Alive!" "Go, Farber High!" "Oh, man." "Oh, man." "Didn't I tell you?" "These x-ray glasses rock." "Oh wait, stop." "Yo, dude, how come they're not, like, naked?" "You need the x-ray contact lenses for that." "That's probably a good thing, cause I got a heart murmur." "This is too cool." "I've never been in a limo before." "Want to stand up through the sun roof?" "I'd rather just snuggle with you." "Works for me." "Sunset ride along the coast?" "Excellent." "Coast highway, please, James." "On our way." "And stop calling me James." "Oh my god." "10:00." "Tammy Fitch." "Oh man, she's coming this way." "Hi, guys." "What do you think of the new uniforms?" "I think they're unbelievable." "Just looking at them fills me with pep." "Well, thanks." "Maybe we'll see you at some more games this season." "I'm buying a season ticket." "Oh!" "Roger." "Oh, man, my specs are wasted, man." "Not to worry, buddy of mine." "Gary Wallace is on the case." "Gimme a sec." "Your timing really sucks." "Whoa." "Give me those!" "So, what do you need?" "Make it quick." "Why, you busy or something?" "Oh, Wyatt." "A little." "What is it?" "Need a new pair of horny goggles." "Roger busted his." "There." "Hasta." "Leopard skin?" "Lance, you stud." "Easy on the potholes, James!" "James?" "[SCREAMING]" "Sorry." "Oh, James." "You had no right to call Lisa away when she was with me." "No right?" "When did you become lord of the genie?" "Settle down, guys." "You're supposed to be best friends." "We're the team, remember?" "Well, this member of the team almost went flying off the Pacific Coast" "Highway at 65 miles an hour." "Almost." "You almost died." "I definitely have a fat lip." "You know, we never had these problems when it was just the three of us." "Well, Gary and Roger have been so buddy buddy lately." "At least my life doesn't revolve around having a stupid girlfriend." "At least I have a girlfriend." "And I don't need a pair of special glasses to see her in her underwear." "Word around school is she's dating you on a dare." "Take it back." "And she's a guy." "Take it back." "Well, now we've got that nasty tension out of our systems, let's play a game of Jenga." "Come on, Lis." "Let's go." "Lisa's not going anywhere." "She lives with me." "Well, maybe we should change that." "I think she could live with me for a while." "That way you couldn't hog her all the time." "Guys, look, let's settle down and go back to being friends." "I know we will-- once Wyatt backs down, like he always does." "Not this time." "Come on, Lis." "Time to leave." "You're staying right here, Lisa." "That does it." "Where are we?" "Welcome to Cyber Court." "Hear ye, hear ye, these proceedings will now commence." "Wallace versus Donnelly for the sole custody of their computer genie." "Cyber Court is now in session." "Let her rip." "A custody hearing?" "Isn't that a little extreme?" "Since you can't work it out for yourselves, we'll let the Cyber Court decide." "Whoever wins gets custody." "The loser will never see me again." "So, what do you think, guys?" "Pretty drastic, huh?" "You ready to give it up and be friends again?" "No way." "Sounds like a great idea to me." "It does?" "I could live without ever seeing his ugly face again." "You can?" "Not a problem." "We'll just leave it up to the judge." "Oh, how gracious of you." "I am so beholden to you." "You know, these things always sort of break my heart." "May I see the child in question?" "Hoo, boy!" "Heads up, lads." "May the best man win." "Where's you counsel?" "Huh?" "Counsel." "That means lawyer." "I know what it means." "I just don't have one." "Well, you've got to have counsel." "I mean, who's going to object and sum up, and make arguments and stuff?" "You've got to have counsel." "Now pick one." "Interactive attorney selection?" "Please select your attorney now." "Wow." "I can have Abraham Lincoln as my attorney?" "Hello." "My name is Abraham Lincoln." "Long before I was elected president," "I gained prominence as a gifted young trial attorney." "No brag, just a fact." "Oh, good choice." "The penny guy." "My reputation speaks for itself." "If you would have me, I would be proud to serve as your attorney." "And I would be proud to have ya." "Hello, son." "I'm Abraham Lincoln." "I've got Abraham Lincoln." "Big whoop." "My attorney will chew him up and spit out the beard." "Check it out." "I'm BF Jackie, and if you're sick of getting pushed around, let me push back for ya, cause that's what I do." "Push, push, push." "But let's let my clients speak for themselves." "When a waitress spilled a cup of scalding hot coffee on this fat guy two tables over," "I was emotionally scarred." "BF Jackie got me $2.7 million." "Thank you, BF Jackie." "I peed on an electric transformer and suffered grievous bodily harm." "BF Jackie told me I could sue the power company." "I've got 8.3 million." "Thanks, BF Jackie." "I've seen his infomercial, like, 100 times." "That teleportation." "I think it threw my neck out." "Remember I said that, kid." "You may get subpoenaed." "So, where's it hurt?" "Please say the leg." "Legs are worth a pile." "Sprained, fractured, you name it." "This is a custody battle." "Oh, right." "Tether your acts in, counselor." "As lawyers it is our sacred responsibility to ensure that justice is served in a fair and equitable fashion." "Careful, pops." "You don't want to give away your strategy." "Seems a nice enough fella." "On with the custody battle." "So, let me see if I have this right." "You are an honor student, you're active in the community, and you love your mama." "Yeah, basically." "Your witness, counselor." "So besides being a mama's boy, you're quite a big shot at school, huh?" "Big plans for the future?" "I hope to follow my father's footsteps." "After college." "Would you characterize your father as a particularly ambitious, driven individual?" "That's him." "Good dad?" "Help you with your homework?" "School projects?" "Go to games together?" "When he has the time." "But does he ever have the time?" "When was the last time you even talked to your father?" "I don't know." "He's been out of town." "A couple of weeks ago." "Couple?" "More like three weeks, isn't it, Mr. Donnelly?" "Three weeks since you've spoken to your father." "Three weeks, your honor." "Three weeks what?" "I've just proved that Wyatt Donnelly's going to grow up to be a bad father." "You did?" "Well done." "Certainly looks bad for you, Mr. Donnelly." "You may step down now." "Had enough?" "Keep this up and useless Abe is gonna fix it so you never see me again." "We're not doing so bad." "You kidding?" "You'd have a better shot at winning if you peed on an electric transformer." "Relax, Lis." "It's all part of our strategy." "Be the bigger man." "Apologize to Gary." "You know how stubborn he gets." "Once the court makes a decision, I'm not going to be able to stop them." "Well, it's fine with me, cause I'm gonna win." "I turn the court's attention to exhibit A." "It's a synaptic display unit." "It plays back memories." "Oh." "I remember that day." "That was back when we all used to be friends." "JACKIE:" "Baseball, America's pastime." "And here we see Gary dipping into his meager allowance to shower his genie with love and attention." "His reward?" "Her happy smile, your honor." "That's all the testimony we need." "Oh." "That is so nice." "Your honor, we'd like to continue viewing the memory please." "I'd like that, too." "I want to see who wins that game." "Hit it, kid." "Foul ball." "Hey, I forgot about that part." "My client clearly acted in self defense." "I'd be more concerned about the intentional genie abuse inflicted by Wyatt and the hot dog." "Huh?" "That cold, sadistic reptile Wyatt Donnelly deliberately slathered too much spicy mustard on Lisa's hot dog." "[COUGHING]" "Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you to remember this-- if the hot dog's too mustardy, you must award custody." "[APPLAUSE]" "Woo!" "I don't know about you, but I know who I'm voting for." "I need a quick recess so I can write that one down." "Court now in recess so he can write that one down." "Gary, how could you do that to your best friend?" "It's not hard when your lawyer's a super sleaze like mine." "Thanks, man." "Listen to me, you've gotta drop the case." "Be the bigger man." "Apologize to Wyatt." "You know how stubborn he gets." "Drop the case while we're winning?" "Brilliant." "Why didn't I think of that?" "Big help, sweetie." "Thanks." "Your honor, I really would like the chance to speak." "Seeing as how you just spoke without my permission," "I'd say you're one up on me." "Sneaky." "Court's back in session." "But" "Shush." "We gotta regroup." "We're getting boned here." "Not to worry, young Wyatt." "Once we cross-examine that skinny stripling, we'll expose him for the ambitionless slug he is." "Ambitionless?" "Yeah, I guess that'd be accurate." "How about free time activities?" "Are you busy with chores, school clubs, volunteer work?" "Sports?" "Fiddlesticks." "He's taking all my best questions." "Part time job?" "Study?" "Nah." "So having time to devote to your genie doesn't present itself as a problem, then?" "Your honor, I really must" "Ah, ah, ah." "Take a lock." "Proceed." "Do you have a girlfriend, Mr. Wallace?" "No." "But if I did, I wouldn't be like Wyatt and ditch my best friend." "He ditched you?" "This comes as a shock to me." "Good god." "What kind of monster is this Wyatt Donnelly, ditching this poor, lonely, frustrated, torqued up, pathetic shell of a human being?" "What about you dumping me for Roger?" "Didn't think to zap up a pair of x-ray specs for me, did ya?" "Well, I like to look at naked people, too." "Order in the court." "We all like looking at naked people." "Well, gracious, who doesn't?" "We rest, your honor." "So, uh, Mr. Loser" " I mean, Mr. Lincoln, would you care to try to pull this one out of the fire?" "Hm?" "For our final witness we call to the stand Lisa the genie." "Well, it's about bloody time." "You're calling Lisa?" "You said it better than I ever could." "We're getting boned." "It's time to roll the dice and force the genie to choose between the two of you." "Isn't that a big risk?" "Brother, I didn't win the Civil War by being a candy ass." "Miss Genie, I'll come right to the point." "Of the two boys, which do you feel is the more responsible?" "Objection." "Overruled." "What grounds?" "Feel like it." "Go ahead, high pockets." "Could I say something first?" "I've been waiting to talk." "Please answer the question." "Which boy is more responsible?" "Well, Wyatt may be more responsible, but Gary's got" "Thank you." "And which boy would you say is smarter?" "If you put a gun to my head, I'd have to say Wyatt." "But intelligence isn't" "Thank you." "In your opinion, who has better personal hygiene?" "Gary." "Huh?" "You're under oath, miss." "OK." "Wyatt." "And now for the big question." "Now, think before you answer." "Between Gary and Wyatt, who do you prefer to stay with?" "Look, this is all a big mistake." "The Cyber Court wish was intended to teach the guys a lesson." "It wasn't supposed to get this far." "I'm waiting for my answer, miss." "I can't choose between Gary and Wyatt." "I love them both." "Answer the question, or I shall declare you in contempt." "I'm not choosing between them, and you can't make me." "This is my courtroom, miss." "I'm gonna talk now, and the first perosn who tries to stop me gets turned into a funnel cake." "I am the last word around here, missy, and I do not allow any genie hoodoo in this courtroom." "You took my magic." "Well, see, you were glowing and stuff, so I" " If you have anything you want to say in your defense," "I guess I'll allow it." "These two guys and I have been through a lot together, your honor." "We've shared a lot of great experiences and adventures." "You dance divinely." "And some not so great experiences." "Actually, a lot of near fatal experiences, when you get right down to it." "But I wouldn't have traded our friendship for anything." "Your honor, I need Gary and Wyatt in my life." "Both of them." "They created me." "I'm equal parts of each of their personalities." "Hm" "I got the good parts, you see." "Wyatt gave me compassion and understanding, and intelligence, and Gary gave me a sense of humor and generosity." "And a bod that just won't quit." "I'm living proof of how good they are together." "I'm like, their friendship in the flesh." "And if you took me away from either one of them, it would really suck." "And that's all I have to say." "[APPLAUSE]" "Sorry, Lis." "We were real jerks." "We'll never put you through this again." "We promise." "Uh, Mr. Judge, sir?" "Hm?" "I'd like to drop my case." "Why do I set myself up?" "I give and I give, and this is the thanks I get." "I'm dropping my case, too." "I think our differences turned out to be reconcilable after all." "Cool?" "Cool." "This is better than when the North and South got back together." "Order in this court!" "Hold it!" "For your information, when you two began this custody battle you were also putting your friendship on trial." "By doing this, you have surrendered your fate to me, and this won't be over until I have delivered my verdict." "Now, then, Wyatt Donnelly, Gary Wallace, as neither of you has proven to be a fit genie custodian, this court hereby declares Lisa the genie" "to be a ward of the internet." "Help!" "What are you doing to her?" "Well, her data clusters are being stripped away and distributed across the internet." "I can't feel my toes." "Take us instead!" "Lisa hasn't done anything wrong." "The decision of this court is final." "Objection." "Mr. Lincoln, you are out of order." "I'm out of order?" "I'm out of order?" "You are out of order." "This whole courtroom's out of order." "I see why that guy's on the $5.00 bill." "He is one bad mother." "I may not know about videos, or computers, or these cybers that everybody keeps talking about, but I do know about justice." "These boys belong with their friend, and you are keeping them apart." "My word is law as long as I am sitting on this side of the bench." "Then we'll move the bench." "Used to be a wrestler and a bare knuckle boxer." "Dang near killed a fella once." "The counsel makes a stirring argument." "I, uh" " Cyber Court hereby remands" "Lisa the genie to the custody of Wyatt" "Donnelly and Gary Wallace." "Case dismissed." "I'm OK!" "My clusters are back." "And they've never looked better." "No, I really can't tonight." "I'm hanging out with Gary." "Cool." "I'm glad you understand." "All right, well, I'll see you on Monday." "Bye." "Holly took that pretty well." "And I lent Roger my magic whoopie cushion." "That should keep him happy all weekend." "This is great." "The three of us are together again, and everything's the way it should be." "[WHISTLING]" "[SCREAMING]" "Well, looks we got one too many bulls in the pen." "While you're here, you might as well get my back." "Loofa?" "If you don't mind." "Oh, that's the spot." "THEME SONG:" "Weird Science." "Fantasy and microchips shooting from the hip." "Something different will make it weird science." "Pictures from a magazine, bits and pieces, bits and pieces." "My creation, is it real?" "It's my creation." "I do not know." "It's my creation." "From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions?"