"I hit her on the head with a skillet." "Ah!" "What am I do?" "Bernard Ferrion, you're under arrest for the murder of Della Ferrion." "They arrested you last week for whacking your mother, you got off on a technicality, now the woman next door turns up dead from a blow to the head." "What could possibly make them think of you?" "Now go away." "I do not represent evil people." "The lawyer who got the T.R.O. He says he's your son." " Donny Crane." " Denny Crane." "You gave me the Crane legacy, and I fully plan on living up to it." " He's not my son." " Obviously, he doesn't know." "You're not my father?" "I'm not your son?" "I'm not your son." "Tell me where he is!" "Tell me where he is, or I'm gonna break your arm!" "Tell me, or I'm gonna break your arm!" "ABC's latest reality show?" "That was taken by one of the victim's family members." "I see." "Why go to his aid when you can get the footage?" "Why am I here, Shirley?" "We represent the police union, and accordingly, the officer." "I need you to second chair me at the trial." "I can't do it." " You don't mean to say that." " You're right." "The word is "won't."" "You have more experience with criminal defense work." "I like my clients to have a modicum of humanity." "Don't we all in the meantime." "I'm not doing it, Shirley." "That officer disgusts me." "I won't contribute to his freedom." "I wasn't expecting you to do it for him." "Is that what you think, silly?" "See, I expect you to do it because this firm pays you $375,000 a year." "That's a lot of money, Alan, and we expect you to work for it, even when it requires doing things that don't quite agree with you." "I expect you to do it because a senior partner is, oh, no, check that, the senior partner is asking you to do it." "I expect you to do it because you so often refer to lawyers as unprincipled soulless whores." "Well, for the next few days, I need you to be my whore." "And if that so offends you, I guess you could always quit." "But I warn you, you will be missed... for at least all of five minutes." "Boston Legal 1x15." "Tortured Souls" "ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON ABC: 2005/02/20" "Uh, where's Mr. Crane?" "At 9:00 in the morning, he could be many places." "Why?" " Well, will he be present for the settlement conference?" "He should be." "But first let's... and if it doesn't settle, will he be trying it?" " Frannie, let's talk here." " Okay." "We're going to settle." "It must settle." "Suing a man for being left at the altar... in front of 300 people... courts don't like to get involved in breakups." "Not to discount your pain, which I'm sure is real." "We are looking at the very real possibility of a directed verdict against us." "In light of that, my recommendation is that you accept the offer." "Uh, for $175,000?" "Yes." "Oh, no." "Um, Denny Crane promised me more." "How much did he promise you, Frannie?" "$5 million." "Maybe I should quit." "This woman has no idea who or what I am." "Lighten up, man." "First of all, the idea of giving representation to that thug..." "Alan, come on, we hate all our clients." "It's good to hate them." "It allows us to overcharge and still sleep at night." "I thought her gamesmanship would at least be more nuanced." "Alan, I'm sorry for becoming abrupt last night." "The simple fact is, I need you." "It's a difficult case." "Also, for what it's worth," "I've been known to get contentious with men I unconsciously want to bed." "I can't possibly imagine wanting to have sex with you, but then again, I did sleep with Denny." "Uh, we should go." "The trial starts at 10:00." "I will do this case." "Sit by her side." "For no other reason than to solve her." "Alan, I'm sorry." "The midget is back." " I beg your pardon?" " The little man, he's here." "Alan. / Good gracious." "Who have you killed now?" " That question is extremely hurtful." " Why are you here, Bernard?" "Well, uh, I just dropped by to say hello." "I was in the neighborhood." "How are you?" "Bernie, I'm due in court." "I don't have time to talk to you." "State your business, if you have any, with Catherine, and I'll call you back." "Forgive me." "I'm uncomfortable around little people." "Let me ask you, Bernie, have you ever thought about finding god?" "Can we talk a second?" "Lock and load." "Where's the client?" "I sent her home." "She doesn't need to be here for this." "Oh, for god's sake..." "Mr. Crane, did you tell the client we could get her $5 million?" "I might've." "So?" " The case values out in the low six figures." "That's assuming it doesn't get tossed out on public policy grounds." "Listen, young lady, first rule of thumb when practicing law, always, always promise the client millions and millions of dollars." "It's good business." "And when it comes time to making good on such a ridiculous claim..." "Donny Crane." "Donny Crane." "You remember me." "We used to be father and son." " Nice to see you." " Where's Michael Gendler?" "I'm appearing as the defendant's new counsel." "That $175,000, it's off the table." "By the by, way too high." "We'll go to $50,000." "Donny Crane." "That's rejected." "Whoa." "No counter?" "$350,000." "Double whoa." "Well, guess that means a trial, huh?" "Cool." "More experience for me." "Donny Crane." " Denny Crane." " Donny crane." "You got on this case specifically because I'm on it." " I did." " You wanna get me?" " I do." " I love it." " Denny Crane." " Donny Crane." " Denny Crane." " Donny Crane." " Denny Crane." " Donny Crane." "We had received a tip that the, uh, suspect Damon Harris was visiting his brother Paul, so we went to the brother's house." " And did you find the suspect?" " Excuse me." "I'm new to this case, as is the jury, of course." "To help us track the facts," "I was wondering if you could refer to him as the kidnapping suspect, so we're clear that we're talking about the man who snatched a 6-year-old child." "The boy is sitting right over here." "Was the kidnapping suspect there, officer?" "No." " The brother was there?" " Yes." "Could you tell us what happened?" "Well, we searched the premises." "Couldn't find the kidnapping suspect." "We asked the brother if he knew his whereabouts." " He claimed he did not." " And then what happened?" "What happened is basically what you saw on the tape." "My partner began to, uh, interrogate the brother more coercively." "At any time, was the victim of this attack considered a suspect himself in the kidnapping?" "No." "You never considered him connected to the crime?" "No." "As Mr. Shore noted, you were trying to find the 6-year-old boy seated over here." "Yes. / He was kidnapped how long before this incident?" "The day before." "As time goes by, what are the chances of finding a kidnapped child alive?" "After 48 hours, we consider it extremely remote." "In fact, the kidnapper we're talking about is suspected in the kidnapping of another boy, correct?" " Yes." " Did you ever find that boy?" "We found his remains." "While my client was committing his coercive acts against the brother," " what did you do?" " I stood back." "You never intervened?" "No." "Did you report it?" "Not at first, uh, eventually." "By the way, as a result of my client's physical coercive acts, did the brother tell you anything?" "He gave us a list of places his brother would frequent." "And did you search those places?" "Yes." "And?" "We found the suspect." "And the child." "Thank you." "All I'm saying is, if you killed two people and if you're as alone as you say, there couldn't be a better time for you to turn to Jesus Christ, your savior." "Under normal circumstances, I'd agree." " But?" " I'm Jewish." "Bernie, there has never ever been a Jewish serial killer." "Son of Sam." "David Berkowitz." "He was adopted." "Genetically, he's one of ours." "Well, what are you saying?" "I am saying that if you're out there murdering people, on some level, you must want to be christian." "Would you let me take you to church?" "I've gotta admire your guts to take a piece of the old man." "There's a fire in the belly." "Yeah, you're an old man." "Just not mine, remember?" "Yeah." "The thing is..." "I like you." "Actually..." "I love you." "That's a difficult thing for Denny Crane to say... unless it's part of foreplay." "I love you, Donny, and I'm concerned that if you go up against me in a court of law you'll..." "I might as well just come out and say it." "I can't be beat." " Really." " Never lost." "Never will." " I beat you in the salmon case." " You beat Brad Chase." " Me?" "undefeated." " I see." "Well, how do I put this?" "I took this case mainly to kick your fat lying ass." "I mean that in a good way." "I will beat you." " No, you won't." " Yes, I will." " Won't." " I will." " Won't." " Will." " Son." " Don't call me that." "I'm gonna say this one more time... with all the humility I can summon up." "I'm the greatest trial attorney that ever lived." "You will not beat me." "I don't know how much you just heard." "My ass may lie... but it's all muscle." "I knew he knew something." "Either where his brother was or where the child was." "He knew something." "And you were prepared to beat it out of him." "I was prepared to punch him, to intimidate him." "I didn't actually mean to break his arm." "But, Mr. Kirkland, what we saw on that tape..." " there are different rules in kidnappings." " What do you mean, "different rules"?" "The understanding is we're not supposed to break bones or cause any permanent injury, but physical discomforture is permitted." "It's okay to say, dislocate a shoulder, tear a muscle." "You're talking about torture." "This was an innocent man." "He wasn't even the suspected kidnapper." "And I'm sorry I hurt him, but I felt he knew where his brother was." "I consider this to be like self-defense or defense of others." "I was gonna do whatever I could to save that boy." "All I could think about was my own son." "The end justifies the means?" "I guess I have to say yes to that." "Suppose the suspected kidnapper had confessed to a priest." "You'd feel no compunction about beating up clergy to get your information?" " I didn't say that." " Well, is there a distinction?" "An innocent man has information that would lead to the recovery of a child." "I guess I felt the victim here wasn't so innocent." "Ah, so you're out there playing judge, too?" "Policeman, judge, executioner..." "Objection. / Sustained." "Who told you it was okay to tear muscles and dislocate shoulders in kidnapping situations?" "There's no formal directive." "Just understood." "Understood by the police who arrested you after you did it?" "I was arrested because the media got a hold of this." "That's the only reason I'm here." "How sad is that?" "You tortured an innocent man with no criminal record whose only offense was that his fugitive brother stopped at his house, and the only reason you're here is because the media got a hold of it." "Do you, Frannie, take Michael to be your lawfully wedded husband, for here and ever after?" "I do." "And do you, Michael, take Frannie to be your lawfully wedded wife, for here andver after?" "Michael." "Do you, Michael, take Frannie to be your lawfully wedded wife, for here and ever after?" "Michael?" "I'm sorry." "I can't." "I just can't." "I waited my whole life for this day." "My friends, my family... they were all gathered to celebrate the happiest event in my life." "And instead, they were witness to such a humiliation." "I'm still reeling from it psychologically." "Did you require treatment?" "Yes." "For many, many months." "My therapist thinks the trauma is even an inhibitor to my finding love again." "Had he given any indication at all that he was wavering?" "None." "No." "Everything was fine." "Um, it was more than fine, actually." "It was perfect." "Until suddenly, um... well, what you saw." "I'm in the church with 300 people gathered from all over." "He just, um... well, you saw it." "What are you saying?" "If he didn't feel committed, he should've married you just the same because the catering was paid for?" "If he didn't feel committed, what were we doing up there?" "I, I was standing in my gown, my wedding dress." "But this is love, Frannie." "It takes funny unexpected bounces." "We're talking about emotions of the heart." "Objection." " Sounds like a girly man." " Move to strike!" " That's better." " Mr. Crane." "Frannie." "Do you think my client planned for it to go down like this?" "Do you have any idea what a jolt it was?" "to be left standing in the church on a day that you've been planning for a lifetime?" "You see that guy over there?" "Denny Crane?" "He pretended to be my father for 25 years." " I know a good jolt when I..." " Objection!" "You lost a fiance." "I lost a foundation." " Objection!" " Mr. Crane." "Emotional wallops are a part of life." "You don't go running into court to address them." "That's exactly what you're doing now." " You shut up!" " Counsel!" "I'm sorry." "I apologize to the court." "Sometimes pain can cause you to lash out." "Would you agree with that, Frannie?" "If the hurt was deep enough, you'd want to lash out at the person who caused it?" "Is it possible you're doing just a little of that here, hmm?" "That recovery was so smooth it almost looked planned, but it wasn't." "I gotcha." " You don't got me." " I do." " No, you don't." " Do." " Don't." " Sir, you're opposing counsel." "Unless you want to settle the case." "That isn't the point, to settle a score." "You caused me to believe you were my father for my entire life." "You think that score can be evened up?" "Rhina." "Chelina." "I've decided to take the defendant's cross." "Mr. Crane, I'm not sure that's a good idea." "Well, whose idea is it?" " Yours." " Well, it must be good." "Mr. Crane, do you even know what this case is about?" "It's about money." "They're always about money." "I strongly suggest you let me handle this." "How about..." "How about..." "How about those patriots?" "Never ever, ever, did we send the message, directly, indirectly, or otherwise, that it is acceptable procedure to physically coerce suspects or witnesses." "Officer Kirkland says it was understood that with kidnapping cases there's a different set of rules." "He's mistaken." "Our department is to serve and protect the public, and that includes honoring their civil liberties." "So he was acting outside the scope of his authority as a police officer, in your opinion." "He was acting outside the scope of the law." "He committed a vicious criminal assault." "It was disgraceful." "I'm repulsed every time I see that footage." "That's a funny thing that you mention footage, captain, because my client wasn't arrested until that video was aired on the news." "We were investigating prior to that broadcast." "Ah." "You were investigating." "Tell me, when did you first hear about my client's conduct?" " I can't really recall." " Maybe I can help out." "The, uh, victim made a complaint and filed a written report the day that it happened." "His family members verified it." "You had knowledge of my client's disgraceful acts from day one, didn't you, captain?" "And yet, when they recovered the child, you held a press conference singing the praises of your officers, including Mr. Kirkland." "Then, when the footage went out over the airwaves, suddenly my client's conduct became disgraceful." "We have not ever, and will not ever, condone torture." "Alan Dershowitz recently said that if we had a suspect in custody who knew that a bomb was about to go off and kill people, torture would be used." "Do you disagree with that?" "We've never had such a ticking bomb case here, so I can't answer." "Let's say we're trying to crack a big terrorist case." "Say, the Pan Am jet that went down in Lockerbie." " Was torture used there?" " You'd have to ask the FBI." "There were reports, I should say rumors about the Lockerbie case, that electrical devices were attached to the prisoners' genitalia." " Are you familiar..." " Objection." "This court is not going to admit rumors, Ms. Schmidt." "Let me ask you something, captain." "If they were tortured, do you care?" "I was surprised by your last question." "The last question is our defense, Alan, which is the reason I need you to close." "Close?" "I still don't even know what I'm doing on this case, much less..." " You're on this case to close." " Shirley." "I'll buy you a drink and explain." "Meet me in my office at 8:00." "What's going on?" "I haven't the slightest idea what's going on." "I'm on this case for no apparent reason." "Catherine." "Oh, hello, dear." "I do not want you be friending Bernard Ferrion." "Gee, you say that almost as if it's any of your business." "The man has murdered two people." "It is unsafe for you to keep his company." " I've managed to survive for 82 years..." " He is dangerous, and he..." " My word would be "desperate."" " Catherine," "Bernard Ferrion is evil." "He will likely murder again, and you, if ever there was a person who deserved a whack on the head..." "God..." "What?" "I absolutely planned to marry her." "Well?" "What happened, Mike?" "I just..." "I panicked." "At that particular moment?" "Look, I had a phobic kind of thing about losing control of my life." "Frannie, she, she picked out the caterer, the church, the minister, the reception hall, and it just hit me." "That wedding was a microcosm of marriage, with every decision to be made by her." "I just panicked." "Didn't you think of how embarrassing it would be for her?" "And for me, too." "I was the one standing up there looking like an idiot, but we were at the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part." "What other choice did I have?" "Thank you." "I must say, we've all just seen the best of Donny Crane." " Objection." " Withdrawn, withdrawn." "Mitch, may I..." "may I call you Mitch?" "My name's Michael." "As I understand your testimony, you just weren't ready to get married." "That's right. / It's a huge decision." "It affects your whole life." " Yes." " It affects her life." "Of course." "You, you seem like a considerate sort of guy." "Are you?" " I think so." " You must've sensed that, uh, when you left her at the altar like that, it would be a big number on her." "You weren't insensitive to that." "No, but again..." " what else could I have done?" " Well, yes." "Would it be unreasonable to say.... that the groom incurs a duty to perhaps sort out his feelings before 30 minutes into the ceremony?" " Well, uh..." " That's not unreasonable, is it?" "for the groom to be sure before he walks down the aisle?" "Is that unreasonable?" "I guess not." "Ever tell her you're sorry?" " Of course I did." " Want to tell her now?" "Frannie, I'm sorry." " And, Mitch..." " My name's Michael." "What's your lawyer's name?" " Donny Crane." " What's my name?" " Denny Crane." " Big difference, isn't there?" " Move to strike." " Mr. Crane." "Now you got it." "Lock and load." "I love the law." "And what exactly is your defense?" "Something like let him go, even though he did it." "Jury nullification." "Best I can tell, though Shirley hasn't really filled me in." " Talking about me?" " Yes, Shirley, if you so enjoy keeping me in the dark, you really should give me a try... in the dark." "Thank you." "Actually, it's your love of the dark that got you on this case." "Are we still on for 8:00?" "See, that evidently was supposed to mean something." "Excuse me." "Bernie!" "What are you doing here?" "Uh, I'm, uh, picking up Catherine." "We're grabbing a bite." "Bernie, I like Catherine Piper." "I very much want her to go on living, the chances of which are lessened if she keeps your company." " Go screw yourself." " What did you just say to me?" "You heard me." "It's not like me to curse." "I've only said it once before in my entire life." " Undoubtedly to mother." " Go screw yourself, Alan!" " Now we're up to three times." " I will not be berated by you, put down." "Catherine, are you witnessing this?" "Why don't you give him a chance, for god's sake?" "How about we leave god out of this?" "I hired you to be a legal secretary, not to bring god or anybody else into the office, certainly not serial killers." "Note the look on his face, Catherine." "That's what's commonly known as your psychotic glare." "Don't anybody ask this man to whip up an omelet." " You were my friend." " And I thought you were mine." "And you know what you did to me after I got you out?" "You killed again." "You got blood on my hands that will never come out." "Friends don't do that, Bernie." "Friends don't do that." "Oh, you." "Your continued staring suggests a point of view, Tara." "If you've got one, please share it." "This is every woman's, perhaps every man's greatest nightmare, being left at the altar in front of all our family, our closest friends, our boss." "There is no greater humiliation." "And it could happen to anybody." "It could happen to you." "Your granddaughter, your son." "Me." "We gotta send a message right now to every bride and every groom." "You wanna have a change of heart?" "Fine." "But have the decency to have it before you walk down the aisle." "And there's only one way to really send that message, isn't there?" "Money." "What would you have him do?" "The ceremony somehow takes precedence over the institution itself?" "The goal is to avoid embarrassment now?" "This is marriage." "For god's sake, "till death do us part."" ""Let no man tear asunder."" "Now, my client did the honorable thing." "He refused to take vows he didn't feel he could live up to." "And does anybody here really feel he should have?" "This is marriage." "It's simply insane for me to give the closing after you've handled all the witnesses." "The jury has no relationship with me." "I can only guess that you must want one." "Is that what this is all about, your unconscious desire to bed me?" "You have undoubtedly seen this footage." "Along with the rest of the world." "It happened in Los Angeles." "What's it got to do with us?" "Two of the officers were disciplined, and they then sued." "They were just awarded $2.4 million last month." "Is there a moral?" "This brings us to the dark." "The jury in that case somehow found it in their conscience to pay those officers millions of dollars." "Obviously, there was some human nature in play." "We need to stand up in front of our jury and tell them what our client did was a good thing." "It's not in me to sell that." "And you think it's in me." "I certainly don't know all of you, Alan, perhaps not even much." "But you seem to have a capacity to see darkness in people's hearts." "I need you to exploit the ugliness in human nature in a way that I cannot." "I think you're underestimating your own capacity to see darkness in hearts." "He doesn't get to be above the law because he's a policeman." "He doesn't get to be exempt from the law because there was a fortuitous result." "He beat up an innocent man, fractured a cheekbone, broke an arm, put him in the hospital." "This was an aggravated assault." "It was torture." "Paul Harris didn't have specific information as to the whereabouts of the suspect." "All he had was a general idea of the places he liked to frequent." "For that... you saw what happened to him." "The truth is, as Americans, we love torture." "We keep it to ourselves, of course, but come on, when it comes to evil doers, torture's okay." "Hollywood certainly knows that." "Dirty Harry, boom," "Charles Bronson in "death wish,"" "Denzel Washington in "man on fire", heroes torturing the bad guys." "In theaters all across the country, we cheered." "We like torture." "Is there potential for abuse?" "Without question." "The events at Abu Ghraib prison were deplorable." "But do we really believe they just happened in a vacuum?" "Alberto Gonzales, our attorney general, wrote a memo to the administration saying torture's okay." "Our supreme court just recently held that evidence gained from torture can be used in trials." "Alan Dershowitz, one of the leading civil rights activists in our country, raised the idea of using torture warrants so as at least to be more open about it." "Torture warrants." "Love that torture." "Mr. Preston talks about the victim here being an innocent man." "Now, come on, he wasn't that innocent." "He did harbor a fugitive, one who kidnaps and kills children." "He did have information that ultimately led to the rescue of the child here." "And he refused to give it up until he was... coerced." "As for my client being above the law, well, the law in this country has always been subject to evolving community standards of humanity." "So the 12 of you get to go back there, as a community, and ask yourselves," ""was this a good thing or not?"" "He's happy." "He's alive." "They're sure as hell happy." "My client saved a life, that little boy's life." "If it were your child, wouldn't you want the police to do whatever was necessary?" "This officer got the job done using a method that our government, our military, our attorney general, and, yes, even our supreme court has said is sometimes okay." "Sometimes." "Depending on the situation, torture's okay." "Just don't tell anybody." "Madam foreperson, the jury has reached a verdict?" " We have, your honor." " What say you?" "On the question of liability, we find in favor of the plaintiff." "On the question of damages, we order the defendant to pay the plaintiff the amount of $1.6 million." "Thank you." "The jury is dismissed." "1.6?" "Oh, my god." "I'm sorry." "You said we'd win." "Your first mistake was letting me push your buttons in there." "Your second was not preparing your client for cross." "He admitted fault." "He admitted the harm was foreseeable." "You let me frame the issue as the groom's duty to be sure before the ceremony." "Once we got that, we won." "Never ever let the other side frame the issue, son." "I'm not your son." "Could you please go?" "Your third mistake... the definition of a father... it's a sliding scale." "Some are great, some are terrible, and most are in between." "I may not have been around much, but I was always there when you needed me." "Still I am." "And I've always loved you." "Still do." "Will the defendant please rise?" "The jury has reached a unanimous verdict?" " We have, your honor." " Please state your verdict." "In the matter of the Commonwealth versus Wayne Kirkland, read the charge of aggravated assault, we find the defendant Wayne Kirkland not guilty." " Congratulations." " Thank you very much." " Thank you for everything." " You're welcome, sir." "Thank you, Alan." "And I apologize if I offended you." "Nonsense, you paid great tribute to my lawyering skill, Shirley." "What higher compliment could there be?" "Alan, listen, I.... your capacity to see darkness, we all have it, I suppose, including me." "My point is... it was simply a dirty job and I chose to let you do it." "No, the point is I was willing to do it and you somehow saw that." "Your secretary said you wanted to see me." "She told you that?" "Is there some reason why she shouldn't have?" "I said I wanted to see you naked." "I don't suppose there's much chance of that." "I'll let you see me naked." "Now there's definitely no chance." "Well, now that you're here, you tried a good case, soldier." "You're an excellent lawyer." "Thank you." "Tell a friend." "Drinking without me?" "I'm never without you." "Nice coat." "New?" "$3,500." "It's good to have money." "Don't you love having money?" " It means we're successful." " Happy." "Fat." "It's all good." "How'd your trial go?" "We won." "You?" "Victory." "Success." "Goes well with having money." "We're winners." "That's what we are." "Yep." "Salud." "Here's to the winners."