"THE FRUIT COMPANY Based on true events" "It's great to be back home." "Let me do it." " Oh no!" " Yuck." "Why did they deliver fruit?" "My note said we were away for two weeks." " Didn't you phone them?" " A note ought to be sufficient." "It's not." "I told you to cancel by phone." " I'm going to have a bath." " Honey, I'm leaving it out there." " Come on, throw it out." " I want them to pick up the boxes." "It's a matter of principle." " How did you like Amalfi?" " Not much action going on there." "No." "It's really only a place for honeymooners." "Mia is wonderful, it just wasn't..." "Skydiving." "Now, that's action-packed." "You're suspended in mid-air, completely in charge." "A man alone with himself." " Skydiving!" " You and me, free-falling." " Pretty hot stuff." " It's the meaning of life, man." "I'm going to change in the girls' locker room." "Whassup, girls?" " Hi, Bill." " How are you?" " Fine." "I've been in Italy." " Italy?" "Sounds lovely." " It was wonderful." " So you speak Italian?" " Un petit." " Petit..." "Un poquito." "Un poquito." "That's Spanish." "But Frank, what is this shit?" "My wife is mad at me." " She wants you to remove it." " Right." "The thing is..." " Remove it as soon as you can." " Yes." "Please do it." "I'll tell my wife you're going to remove it." " The Fruit Company will remove it." " Right." "Just take care of it." " This is what you want to do." " Yes." " That's us." " Free-falling." " He's jumping from maybe 15,000 ft." " We want to hang there, alone." " A life or death kind of thing." " First, you do static-line jumps." " No, Lasse." "We want to do that, now." " You can do tandem jumps." "We don't want a hobby, we want a kick in the balls." " That's right." " You can't just jump from 15,000 ft." "If you rotate while you're releasing the chute, you get tangled up." " That's why you practice first." " Some people might panic." " Not us, but many people would." " If you don't release it, you die?" " If it doesn't unfold, you die." " That's the point!" " We want to feel that rush." " It's difficult." "And super illegal." " Sure." "But can you arrange it?" " I don't know..." " If you know someone." " Can we do a hush-hush thing?" "I guess so." "If you're up to it." " A toast to skydiving." " Bottoms up." "See you there." " There." "Enjoy your lunch." " Thank you." "Is there only one egg sandwich?" "I got it!" "It's mine." "Did you get wet, Lasse?" "Sorry." " Your T-shirt is all wet." " It's all right." "How annoying." "Look at this." "I've got an idea..." "Right." "I've tried that once." "You have to find the balance..." "That T-shirt..." "Why did it have to come off?" " Because you spilled water on it." " Three drops!" " Why did he take off his T-shirt?" " Maybe he wanted to impress you." " Why would he want to impress me?" " Why not?" "Maybe he wanted you to think he's a handsome fellow." " Why would I think so?" " Don't you?" " I guess he's quite good-looking." " It worked." "He impressed you." "There's a notice board, and I can see if you've cancelled the delivery." "But if you haven't cancelled I have to deliver it." " Did you leave those boxes there?" " Yes." "You ordered them." " We left a note on the door." " Yes..." " This note was hanging on the door." " Yes, I saw there was a note." " You can read, can't you?" " No, I can't." "So it's no use..." " Didn't you go to school?" " Yes, but I never learnt to read." " Are you dyslexic?" " Yes." " Surely you know the letters?" " Only some of them." "When you delivered the second box and saw the first one there..." " Didn't you think we might be away?" " No." "It's simple logic." "If we're at home, we don't leave fruit outside to rot." " It's not up to me to decide." " All right." "Just remove the boxes." " Okay." "So take the fruit out." " Because you can't read?" "Forget it." "Throw out the fruit, so he can take his boxes." "It's not his fault." " I'm sure he'll take the boxes." " Not with fruit in them." " That's against the rules." " So you managed to read the rules?" "No, I've been told what to do." "Nobody says I have to be able to read." " So we have to empty the boxes." " Yes." " Well, then we'd better empty them." " I suppose so." " Why not do it right here?" " On your doorstep?" " But..." " And here's one more box." " There." " And here's today's fruit." " Take this box, too." " You don't want today's fruit?" "We're through with you." "This is the idiot I told you about, Bill." "What are you doing?" "Me?" "Ask Gladstone Gander here what he's doing." " Who are you, then?" "Dyslexic Goofy?" " Remove the old fruit, man." " I only take empty boxes." " It's been here for two weeks." "It's your neighbour's fault." "He didn't cancel the deliveries." " What shall I tell Annie?" " Tell her it will be fine." "I'll make sure the company removes the fruit." "I'm going to skydive solo." "Casper and I talked to Lasse Spang-Olsen." " We'll do solo jumps." " But you've never tried it before." " Lasse looked at me and said..." " Will he jump with you?" "No, that's a tandem jump." "That's for sissies." "Solo jumps are for real men." " Lasse said so." " Well, he's a real man." " And I'm not?" " Yes, but..." "Don't you want a man with a bit of spunk in him?" " Who does solo jumps?" " In one department I'd like it..." "Are you saying I'm a klutz in bed?" "I'm very satisfied with my own performances." "Sometimes I'm even impressed, considering the lack of response." "I can go on for hours without receiving one loving impulse." "Does Klutzy want cream puffs or is that a thing of the past?" " I don't believe it." " I'll just take one." "Children do that too." "Move on." "I'm really shattered that you called me a klutz." "My wife and I came home from a lovely holiday in Amalfi   and found two boxes of fruit rotting on our doorstep." "Despite the fact that I made a very pretty note  explicitly cancelling the order." "That's all very well, but our rules are clearly stated in the folder." "You can only cancel deliveries by phone." "You have the folder." "It's a detail." "My real complaint is that when the delivery man arrived   with the third box, he wouldn't take the rotten fruit with him." "No." "No fruit goes back, only empty boxes." "Nothing else." " Otherwise, I hope you're happy." " Is it also a rule that  your delivery man empties the boxes on the customer's doorstep?" " Of course not." "I hope he didn't." " That's exactly what he did." "He turned the boxes upside down and took them away." "There's a problem here." "In fact, I hired him to keep him out of trouble." "He has several convictions." " Just get him to pick up the fruit." " I'll talk to him." "Hey, Frank." "The fruit is still here, you're still here and Annie's mad." " When will you remove it?" " They'll remove it now." "I just talked to The Fruit Company." "I complained to the boss." "They'll send the delivery man to pick it up." "They apologised." "And Bill, if anybody asks who chucked the fruit on my doorstep..." " Tell them it was the delivery man." " But it was you." "By accident I told the boss it was the delivery man who did it." "If anybody asks who emptied the box, tell them it was the delivery man." " Who emptied the fruit boxes?" " The delivery man." "Just in case it comes up." "Say hello to Annie." "There he is." "Lurking behind the door..." " Come on in." " What's the matter?" "Right, we're doing it on the sly." "Hi." "Good to see you." "We can practice some things, other things I'll just have to explain." " The speed will be extremely high." " Cool." " And you're not allowed to panic?" " No." "It's fucking dangerous." "There's only one outcome if things go wrong..." "The impact is at 180 mph." "You're finished." "But skydiving isn't difficult." "You just need to know what you're doing." "I'll take this one." "Legs down." "That's it." "That's perfect, Casper." " Have you done it before?" " No." "Honestly." "Your position is perfect." "Right." "Look at Casper." "He's got his feet out here." "Many people put their feet together." "It's a natural position for the body." "But you want them out here, so you can pilot." "Look at Casper, where he's got his arms." "Try to bend backwards." "I'll push the boards and you try to maintain your balance." " No..." " I didn't know it was my turn." "I'm going to push you now, Casper." "That's absolutely perfect." " Oops, I almost crashed into you." " Have you found your balance?" "Not that way." "A tiny push and you're out of balance." "Can you feel it?" " Well, sort of." " If that happens up in the air..." " You'll start rotating." " He'll die." "There's only one outcome if anything goes wrong." "Your speed is 150 mph." "The tandem jump..." "Is that still an option?" " Tandem jumps are cool." " I'm fine with the solo." " Safety-wise, I'm a bit of a klutz." " A tandem jump is different." " I want to do a tandem jump." " You need to know some things." " Lie the way you did before." "Bend." " Spread your legs, Frank." "Relax." "I'll be lying here." "But you can't look me in the eyes." "We need to communicate by signs if there's something you want to know." "Or if you get nervous." "I can knock on your helmet or..." "Look up..." " Look up!" " I can use sign language." "I'll take care of the technical side." "Just concentrate on enjoying it." "Enjoy it, Frank." "Experience it and enjoy it." "Okay." "Did I hurt you?" "It's different when we jump." "I'll be hanging behind you." " I'll be hanging in a harness..." " Right." "I'd like a solo jump." " But why?" " Solo jumps are fun!" "If I were you, I'd do a tandem jump." "The way I saw you move before..." "You were not ready for a solo jump." "Can I ask you something?" " Are you trying to impress me?" " What do you mean?" "He's taken off his T-shirt." "Do you want me to say you're well-built?" " Don't be stupid, Frank." " Do you want to skydive or not?" "We pack different kinds of chutes for solo and tandem jumps." "I'll take a solo jump." "He takes off his shirt and you say:" ""I want to do a tandem."" "No, I said :" ""I'd like to do a tandem."" "And as if it was his cue word, he tore off his shirt and leapt on me." "No." "As he was taking off his T-shirt, you said : "Come lie on top of me."" " No." " Yes." "You make a pretty couple." "Hi there." "Well, well..." "You're cleaning up." "I thought that was the delivery man's job." "It was." "But I fired him." " I guess he wasn't too pleased." " He was furious, I can tell you." "So I suggest   you keep a low profile, preferably stay indoors the next few days." "You don't want to upset him or even get into contact with him." " Does he hit people?" " He's a violent offender." " Would he hit me?" " Just keep away from him." " Why did you have to fire him?" " He was totally out of line." "The company's image will be ruined if the house reeks of rotting fruit." " It just won't do." " Listen." "I emptied that fruit out." " Don't get overly nervous." " I have witnesses." "Hi, Frank." "How are you, my friend?" " Who emptied the boxes of fruit?" " The delivery man." "No, Bill." "Forget what I said." "Tell the truth." "Who emptied the boxes?" " The delivery man." " Yes, from my company." " Ready?" "Are you quite certain?" " Solo." "Solo, both of you." "Grab a helmet." "Put your glasses on first." "Is there only one blue helmet?" "You're too slow." "Better try this one, Frank." " They're ready." " Perfect." "Hi, I'm David." "Casper." "H i, Frank." "Right, your chutes." "One for Casper, one for Frank." " What are you doing here?" " I work here." "I packed your chutes." "I'm not going to use this." "It's the fruit delivery man." " David's an expert packer." " I want a tandem jump." " Now?" "You're joking." " It just feels safer." "Just say it if you're scared." "It's cool." "I'm sorry you wasted your time." " Have a nice tandem jump." "Bye." " Bye, David." "Too bad for you." "You're the one who's doing a tandem jump, nancy boy." "See you!" "Oh no..." "Yes!" "Way to go!" " Well done!" " Did you see that?" "Wow!" "That was so cool!" "It was just awesome." "Are you okay?" "Wasn't it just awesome?" " Just stay there." " That was so cool!" "Wow." "It was fantastic." " I got a hard-on coming down!" " It happens to everybody." " The body is turned on by danger." " Well done, darling." " Wasn't it fun?" " I don't know..." " I'd like to lose the harness now." " You should've put your arms out." " Wasn't it cool, Frank?" " Having a hard-on poking my back?" " That's how it is." " Nobody told me." " That's true." "Nobody told you." " It's a completely natural reaction." " Is it because of the pressure?" " I think it's because you're scared." "You shift your balance in a different way when you ski..." " Didn't you get one?" " No, I didn't!" "You don't get a hard-on with another man's hard-on poking your back." "I want a long bath." "Yes." "Let's buy something yummy." "Cream puffs?" "Or a cake." ""Dikhead"." "Dickhead?"