"Me and my lantern" "And my lantern and me..." "The stars are shining bright" "Our lanterns in the night" "Burn bright tonight Burn bright all night" "Burn bright tonight Burn bright all night" "enlightenment GUARANTEED" "I don't have a light." "So now I have to carry it?" "Look, Papa has a moon." "Now what do we do?" "I've had enough of this." "Go on, 'Me and my lantern'... I have the nicest lantern." "From Papa." "I'm sleeping." "Wake up!" "Petra, tell them to be quiet." "Now you've woken her up." "Oh, no..." "Go on." "She was up almost all night." "Shut them up." "Alright." "Why all the noise?" "You know how Papa gets, don't you?" "Yes." "Get up and brush your teeth." "Not yet." "Wake up, sleepyhead!" "I am too!" "Rise and shine!" "[ Let go!" "]" "I'm trying to sleep." "Petra!" "Stay here!" "I've had it!" "Where are my jogging shoes?" "They were over there." "I don't know." "Look for them." "Did you hide my shoes?" " Stop it." "Now you're yelling too." " l have to hear." "Why do you think they yell?" "Because you do." "Did you hide my shoes?" "Listen to me." "I don't believe it." "This fountain... lt's the 4th time." "And it was expensive." "The floor..." "And the rug..." "Oh, shit!" "I don't get it." "I mean... it must be leaking somewhere." "is it cold milk?" "No, it's warm." "Something new." "Hello, Emilia." "Serves you right." "You know he doesn't like it." "It's only logical." "Emilia, look at me." "Look who's here." "Look who's crying." "Don't cry." "People learn from experience." "That's what makes us human." "Mama's coming." "In theory, at least." "Papa's filming and Mama's coming." "Mama made a mess." "These elements are movable." "The entire corner is." "Mobile kitchens for flexible people." "This unit has exciting materials." "Might interest the gentleman." "Maple and metal." "And this is granite." "It's available in various shades of grey." "Gustl..." "Yes..." "Are you coming?" "Yes." "You have your key?" "Nice of you to come." "I don't feel well here anymore." "Not in my own home." "I want to change something." "I've already had a change in my private life." "That's life." "My mother..." "And this is the kitchen?" "This is the cooking area." "And the dining area..." "Yes, well, it's apparent that the energy here flows right through with no chance to focus." "In that window and out that one." "Not very positive." "is that better?" "A little, for the moment." "I sit here." "That's my husband's seat." "My ex-husband's, that is." "One could say that your seat is not really favorable." "In the line of fire of negative energy." "Whereas your partner, your husband picked the best spot of all here." "The throne, so to speak." "The throne?" "That's just like him." "The throne?" "Why not..." "Your date of birth?" "April 10th, 1956." "Sign: fire monkey." "Really?" "I am too." "And... your element is earth." "Your best direction is..." "Northeast." "So everything in that area." "In the south you have accidents." "That's true." "He used to throw plates at me." "In the south." "But I went after him with a knife and cut his hand." "Most arguments start in the kitchen." "Really?" "It's true." "Most kitchens are poorly designed." "Too crowded." "Worst thing there is..." "No space in a kitchen." " l hate that." " Me too." "A kitchen needs room." "And life." "A place to be together." "A kitchen has to make you happy." "You can think while you chop and cook." "Aerobics for the soul." "Ever really cut onions?" "Totally concentrated?" "Thinking about nothing but the onions?" "Cleans out your head." "And your eyes." "Always makes me cry." "Why are we moving?" "Where are we going?" "Where are we moving?" "Yeah, where to?" "When do we go skiing?" "When are we going skiing?" "You have your scarf?" "Why are we moving?" "Put your suitcases up in there." "And my animals?" "In there too." "What about the midget?" "He should carry something." "What?" "Frankly, this bed is deadly." "Deadly?" "You can't be happy in this bed." "It's in the ghost path." "Someone could come in the door and do you harm." "I suggest you move the bed." "In another direction." "And something else..." "A fountain." "A fountain?" "'l'm learning from experience 'that you'll never change." "'Don't look for us." "'l hope our lawyers 'can work this out peacefully.'" "'Sleepyhead'" "Your long underwear?" "I can't wear it in the monastery." "No long underwear, no scarf..." "What about your mini-iron?" "I'll be in Tokyo too." "Oh, Gustl..." "You in Tokyo." "You get lost in stores." "That was 5 years ago." "Your meditation cushion?" "You taking it?" "Good question." "Ulli, you're brilliant!" "Where's that from?" "London." "We can tie it up and you can take it." "You're so sweet." "And you're going to get up at 4 everyday?" "Very funny." "It's my brother." "What's up?" "Petra's gone." "No, not now." "Really." "We had good times." "I don't know what to do." "Nobody ever said that marriage is a guarantee for happiness." "You have to work for it." "It's not like an article in a store you just take." ""For better or for worse"." "It's hard." "You have to hang in there." "Wait and see." "And maybe even say okay." "I want to die." "Who doesn't?" "Take me along." "Take me with you." "You can't come with me." "Don't leave me alone." "You're not alone." " You have friends." " l can't take it." "Don't leave me." "You can't go to the monastery with me." " Listen..." " l can too." "You've never meditated." "You always laughed when I talked about Zen." "I'll kill myself." " No you won't." " Yes I will." "Bullshit." "I will too." " Cut it out." " Out the window..." "Stop it!" "Please, please..." "No, I'm going alone." "I'll carry your bags." "I've waited a year to go." "And I'm going alone." "I won't bother you. I'll just be there." "With you." "Don't leave me here." "I can't stay here alone." "My poor garden." "What garden?" "It's not an ashtray?" "Ashtray..." "She took everything... I'm going to bed, okay?" "Don't leave me here all alone." "Say 'Good Morning' to yourself." "I was drunk last night, Gustav." "Now you're taking me to whatever you call it." "What?" "I don't believe it." "Oh, no, I got you a ticket and you're coming!" "What the hell for?" "You're coming." "Not so loud." "Where is it in China?" "It's in Japan." "Yeah, right." "Opposite Tokyo." "The Sojij monastery in Monzen." "Mon-zen?" "Like Mon Dieu?" "is that right?" "My God?" "There's a nice story about a Zen monk who lived in a cave." "He only had one candle and once, at night, he heard a noise and saw a big snake lying in front of the cave." "He was really scared." "The candle went out and he heard the snake moving." "He was terrified." "But he finally fell asleep anyway." "When he awoke in the morning he walked to the entrance and saw that it was just a large rope." "I feel like... life is a chair" "that's been pulled out from under me." "Know what I mean?" "And I don't know how to deal with it." "I don't know anything anymore." "I feel like a waste disposal." "To live is to suffer." "Thanks." "Buddha's first noble truth." "And that's good." "It means it's normal to suffer." "Look, Uwe..." "You're like the blue sky." "And the clouds are your worries and fears." "But you don't see it." "It takes practice." "Practice?" "And so you sit on some round, black cushion?" "That's right." "North." "Southwest." "Southeast." "5 feet 6 inches." "Okay." "Yes." "That's it." "Just right for sleeping." "See the stripes?" "That's me." "Look what I have on." "A kimono." "And here..." "The slippers are part of the outfit." "Chic, huh?" "It's ages since I've been with my brother so long." "Funny..." "Ready?" "Sure." "Take a sweater. lt could get cold." "Hey, can we leave our passports here?" "Yes, nobody steals in Japan." "You sure?" "Absolutely." "We can use signs." "That's the hotel." "That way." "And Epson." "They're our markers to the hotel." "She's driving me crazy." "That's meat and noodles." "That's shrimp." "Let's go in. I'm hungry." "My life's a wreck." "I can start all over." "Look, she could've said: 'let's talk' or 'we have a problem' or 'l'm leaving' or something." "I didn't have a chance." "And what about the kids?" "Maybe they miss me." "I always thought she'd talk to me first." "That she'd say something." "But no." "Nothing." "She just leaves." "She could've talked to me." "Okay, when I get home from work I'm not always in the best mood to talk but there are times." "I always tried, tried to make her happy." "I just don't get it." "How can she do this to me?" "I don't get it." "Hey, Uwe... I don't know." "Why didn't she say something?" "Uwe, come on..." "And what am I doing here in Japan?" "At first I was afraid I was petrified" "Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side" "But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong" "And I grew strong and I learned how to get along" "So screw you." "No." "Okay." "I'm somebody too." "I've got all my life to live..." "Let's get out of here." "Ask for the check." "How much?" "This can't be." "What?" "Did you have five?" "I had 2 whiskies." "That makes 3." "600 dollars. lt comes to 600 dollars." " How much?" " 600 dollars." "Our most expensive favorite bar ever." "Time for bed." "Tomorrow the monastery." "Right." "Bye." "Hey, watch it." "Where was the door?" "Where is it?" "We're going home" "We're not gonna roam" "We will survive We're going home" "Where is home?" "Kawasaki" " Epson." "Wow..." "Hey..." "This can't be." "What?" "Kawasaki's gone." "It's gone?" "Yes, it's gone." "Epson's gone too." "What do you mean?" "I don't know the way." "No, Gustav." "You're joking." "Do you see Kawasaki anywhere?" "In other words, we're lost." "I have a card from the hotel." "I can't read it." "We don't have to." "The taxidriver does." "Do you have cash?" "You don't?" "Look..." "Nada, finito. 600 dollars." "Gone." "I have 5000 yen." "That's something." "Oh, no." "We don't know the way back." "No Kawasaki." "No Epson." "No money." "I don't get it..." " l want to go to bed." " You will." "Hi?" "You understand her?" "Of course not." "Don't fall asleep now." "I'm not." "We didn't walk this far." "No idea." "Where's she going?" "Hey..." "This is getting..." " lt's..." " Not right." "No, this is all wrong." "She's way off." "It can't be." "What was that card?" "From the hotel." "It can't be." "We're not there." "I see that." "Forget it." "Where the hell are we?" "Not near the hotel." "There was no train." "Totally different." "Maybe she understood hospital." " l didn't say hostel..." " Hospital, hotel..." "What now?" "What should we do?" "We can't take a cab." "Not with 1000 yen." "Oh, shit." "Know what?" "I'll call Ulrike." "I still have 1000 yen." "I just have to get change." "Itsa train." "Railroad train." "Not funny." "Ulrike has the hotel brochure at home." "It's ringing." "Hi, I don't have much time." "We're on a pay phone and we're lost." " 900..." " The name of the hotel..." "Talk faster." "In the living room..." " 800..." " On the table." "750..." "Hurry." "I'm looking." "She's looking." " Man..." " Not there?" "600..." "Then look on the nighttable." " Faster..." " Hurry." "We only have 500 yen left." "It's not there." "Gustl, for once - just let go." "Say something, fast. 200... lt's squeaking." "Do you hear me?" "100..." "She's gone." "Why couldn't she find it?" "I have an idea." "I taped myself in the room." "The hotel slippers..." "The name's on them." "Look..." "That would be..." "Here it comes." "Great." "See, there I am." "Fast forward..." "There!" "See!" "The slippers!" "It's out of focus." "That's right!" "So the hell what?" "It was worth a try." " lt didn't work though." " Obviously." "Your stupid video camera." " Oh, yeah?" " Yeah." "It was a great idea." "It just didn't work out." "So it was out of focus..." "You and your ideas." "Then you have one." "So okay..." "What'd she say?" "In there." "Alright." "What?" "What is this?" "How come it's not coming out?" "is your account empty?" "Unbelievable." "I'll try mine." " So?" " l don't know." "Not again?" "Yours is gone too?" "Unbelievable." "Why'd you do that?" "To get some money." "It's logical." "If I lose mine, you'll lose yours." "Oh, shut up." "Become homeless." "Feel good in your own skin." "Without a home." "By letting go, you'll soothe your pain." "In sorrow lies bliss." "Hold it. I have some money." "300 yen." "Uwe, forget it." "Wait..." "They're all gone." "And the money?" "What the hell... I tried." "My God... I've had it." "I let go, that's all." "I'm tired, I'm thirsty and I'm fed up." "You're fed up?" "No money, no hotel." "Not even the address of the monastery." "Monzen." "You remembered it?" "Mon Dieu, Mon Zen." "Opposite Tokyo." "The embassy'll get us back home." "Wimp..." "Here..." "Have patience with every day of your life." "Zen." "Ten after twelve." "Good night." "What's so funny?" "I don't think it's all that bad." "It's awful." "The last hour I only thought of Petra and the kids 1 7 times." "Well, that's progress." "Oh, my back." "Good morning." "It's not that bad here." "Each day is a good day." "is that more Zen bullshit or what?" "And you're shaving?" "No other problems?" "No more cardboard boxes." "You can't do it." "You can't steal a tent." "I said no more boxes." "I feel like I'm on some strange planet." "This is how I feel." "Everything's spinning." "Wrapped in cotton." "The melon knows not the cold wind of morning." "Was it the blossom, the fruit, that fell in the dew from summer trees?" "Alone on the ice a cheerful cormorant." "Desperation is bad." "It robs your dignity." "Have a good laugh." "Here I am, a bum." "In downtown Tokyo." "Satisfied now?" "I never ever thought of leaving you." "But you just left." "I hate you for that." "I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself I used to cry" "But now I hold my head up high And you see me" "Somebody new I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you" "And so you felt like dropping in" "And just expect me to be free" "Well now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me" "You speak German?" "Anica." "Hi, I'm Gustav." "I've been here 3 years." "I had a sewing shop in Belgrade." "Let things out." "Took things in." "And so on and so forth." "Wasn't bad." "But I had this dream of working for Yohji Yamamoto." "I still haven't even seen him yet." "But I'm trying." "Never give up." "I try twice a week." "And someday... someday..." "That's our tent!" "That's Uwe." "We have to get out at the next stop." "Come on." "That's our tent. lt must be." "It's me." "That you found me..." "Come in." "Take your shoes off." "Uwe-san." "Gustav-san." "Railroad train." "I'm going home." "I want my own bed." "Never give up, you wimp." "Oh, stop it." "We can make a little money." "As Sumo wrestlers?" "Almost as bad." "An exercise in banning pride." "Go ahead." "I'm going to the embassy and home." "What home?" "There she is." "Tell me what she's saying." "Be quiet." "Clear lines, strong feelings." "But... recently there have been some problems in your lovelife." "And maybe even a separation from your wife." "There, you see." "Separation?" "A divorce?" "But..." "Did she say divorce?" "Separation but..." "You have a hope line that points to the light." "I have to pee." "Hope line?" "Light?" "Whatever that means." "Monzen is far." "Five transfers." "But it's easy, just keep asking." "Here's some tea." "And the tickets." "Good luck." "5 transfers?" "Meditation is the way to enlightenment." "What's it supposed to do?" "Help you find yourself." "By just sitting there?" "By just sitting there." "Really." "You just sit there and let your thoughts come and go." "And it works?" "It does. I feel it in me." "You sit there and thoughts come and go." "They come and go." "And come back." "Or new ones." "With me it's like this..." "The more I think, the more thoughts come." "Sure, I'm scared." "Scared of what's coming." "But not as much as before." "I know now my greatest fear was of getting lost and I'm over that." "And then at one point I thought:" "this is it, I've had it." "The end of my rope." "And then suddenly it all changed." "I thought, okay, that's how it is." "You're here, make something of it." "And I did." "Sometimes I imagine Mama's still alive." "I see her in that grey skirt." "And the pink blouse." "That knitted one." "And her thin hair, that we both inherited." "She looked great." "So well groomed." "Especially her hands." "I never saw her get a manicure." "And those earrings." "The ones Papa gave her." "The ones with the pearls." "She smelled so good." "I saw a photo of her once." "She was 20." "And beautiful." "A beautiful woman." "Should I tape her?" "We must see through the illusion that there is a separate self." "We practice to remove this divide." "Not until the moment we and the object become one do we truly see our lives." "What's that mean?" "A self that is separate?" "From whom?" "From whatever." "What came before?" "We must see through the illusion... that there's a separate self." "A self that's separate..." "From life or what?" "What we live?" "I think it means that you are a part of all life and not separate from it all." "Can it be that?" "You don't reach enlightenment." "It's the absence of something." "You're after something your entire life, some goal." "Enlightenment is giving it up." "I'd like two tickets." "Do we sleep on the floor?" "Probably." "I always have the tent." "Just imagine, 4:30 am." "Amazing." " What?" " Get up." "What are you doing?" "It's time to get up." "It's after 4:30." "Back a little." "Yes, that's better." "Meditation was hell this morning." "Wonderful, the energy in the room." "But my left leg was killing me..." "Come closer." "I had to keep changing positions." "Under the lamp." "Back a little." "I'll say stop." "That's fine." "Don't move." "It was so absolutely amazing." "I hurt all over." "Now we have prayers." "And I'm freezing my ass off." "As long as you can laugh..." "You're laughing." "Out of pure hysteria, that's what." "Know the hysteria point?" "Here somewhere." "Then press it." "The bet's on." "Got it." "Shit." "50 seconds left." "Don't make me nervous." "You're not on TV." "40 seconds..." "You're mean." "What if you lose the bet?" "Clean the monastery for 4 days." "It's not right." "A mistake." "Fined two seconds." "You're allowed one, no, 2 mistakes." "Five more seconds." "No, 45." "Sorry." "Like this..." "And then..." "Mama would be proud of you." "Hurry!" " Oh, Uwe..." " Mistake!" "I think it was like this." "You think so." "Look, this is important." "In here..." "And then..." "That's not the way..." "What did you just do?" "What did I just do?" "Zen or what?" "Not Zen, just plain wrong." "Want to see it again?" "It's clean." "Why are we doing this?" "They're ice cold and I can barely move them." " So?" " They're blue." "You have time." "Just look at my brother... lying there like some old hippie on an India trip in Japan." "With shades on." "He needs his sleep." "We're up early." "Too much enlightenment dazzles me." "Down there too?" "High or low?" "Are you crazy?" "Come out of that stinking toilet." "Not so loud." "Look..." "Re-adjust your weight." "Stretch out your arms." "And slide more." "Get your ass up there and run after it." " Push!" " lt hurts." "A slighter angle..." "One more time." "I can't do it." "I can't do it." "I hurt all over." "I hate wiping the floors." "I keep falling on my face." "I'm just not built for it." "And Uwe, that idiot, does everything right, the smartass." "Tells me: do this, do that." "Just like he always used to." "This way, that way." "He was always like that." "Everything always had to be just so." "Don't do anything wrong." "Scared to death of that." "I try to get the routine right because the rules are a part of Zen." "That's okay." "But you can't expect to come here and be perfect right away." "But I can try." "You try so hard you break out in a sweat if a chopstick falls down." "They know we've never done this." "That's your problem." "Always was." "I remember now." "You want to be so perfect that you get so nervous and you pick up the cup and drop everything." " But not you." " No." "You do it right." "I do plenty of things wrong." "More than enough." "Come on." "But I'm willing to learn and say, okay and do it without feeling guilty if I don't do it right." "You don't get it?" "Neither do you." "You really don't." "It's not all about being perfect." " My God!" " lt's about learning." "You make me sick." " Not cold sweats." " You're just a bullshit artist." "You put on a big show but inside's a different" "You feel just as shitty." "At least I show my fears." "I can show them." "But you can't." "Surprised?" "My brother's starting to think." "Maybe you should stop thinking and just let go." "And then I think: stay cool, Gustav." "You came here to find inner peace." "You want to free yourself." "I see a little stream and I want to be like the water, flowing past all my troubles and worries." "Just flowing." "This food is special." "Here they all are." "Their names..." "What?" "Who?" "This is the Abbot, the boss here." "This is his right hand." "Then he said it wasn't the cleaning in itself." "Not about getting rid of dirt." "It's really about cleansing your heart." "That you simply sweep away your cares and fears." "The example he gave with the cat was nice." "When you finish and a cat comes with dirty paws you just start all over and don't say, you stupid cat and get angry because of a few paw prints." "You just clean it again." "Get up." "Come on." "We're late." "Late?" "We overslept." "You're kidding." "Really?" "6 feet. lt would just fit." "6'4"." "That would be harder." "But otherwise..." "Not bad at all." "Put the work space in the middle and they'd be more together." "Feels good, huh?" "The funny thing is, the next wind will undo it all." "You hear that?" " What?" " The crows?" "Sure." "Two kinds..." "The ones go 'oh-oh'." "The others go 'kra-kra'." "Not in Tokyo." "Really?" "From far away..." "The 'yeah-yeah' crows." "You've changed, Gustav." "I feel that way." "You were always:" "Now you're more:" "How do you feel?" "No-no or yeah-yeah?" "I'm more so-so." "I told him straight out what I'm dealing with, that my wife left me." "And he had said the day before that you should see other people..." "How did he put it?" "As if they were you." "Just like you." "That's right." "I told him that was hard for me with my wife, not to hate her for leaving me." "I didn't know how to follow his advice in my case." "And he said, okay, listen:" "If you want to hate, then really hate." "Don't eat." "Don't sleep." "Hate, hate, hate." "The hate will go away by itself." "I'd see that hate won't get me anywhere." "It moved me, I must say, because I asked him about my mistakes and fear of mistakes." "That I'm so afraid of making them." "So afraid I make even more and hate myself for them and scold myself and try to root them out..." "And he said:" "Mistakes are a fact of life." "That can't be changed." "Everyone makes them." "I realized that this man, the way he looked at me," "that he meant me." "Way in here." "That my true nature was what counted." "Not the rest." "The real Gustav." "That I could make mistakes and he'd still care for me." "And that I..." "And he said, for example, if I'm afraid of spilling a cup of tea, my fear keeps me from noticing how warm the cup feels in my hand and how good it smells." "Because I'm so busy trying not to spill it." "Right!" "Need music?" "About the snow on the well... lf we have snow on the well whenever we remove the snow..." "How did it go?" "When we take the snow away to fetch water..." "No, that's not it." "The snow turns to water." "What did he say?" "You have to look at it like this." "There's snow on the well." "And under the snow there's water." "It's a little simpler with me." "I don't worry about things." "I do what's done here." "And it's pretty easy now." "I mean, Petra's gone." "Whatever happens, happens." "Can that be right?" "I don't see a thing." "Know what, Ulli?" "It's crazy, here in Japan I'm one of the big people." "I'm not small here." "As a man, that makes me feel good." "Really good." "The more I sweep the more I feel that with this sweeping I'm ridding myself of all the crap we've stored up." "It's like I'm trying to move a mountain." "But every day something new becomes clear and I feel freer." "I still don't know who I am but" "someday I will." "They're sweeping leaves now." "That was my favorite." "Nice and hot." "Wonderful." "No more cold water baths." "Fine." "Where are they all going?" "I'm gay." "Who's gay?" "Me. I'm gay." "Really?" "Since when?" "Always, I think." "What time is it?" "Almost seven." "They're doing sutras now, right?" "You have the words?" " Want to do the heart sutra?" " Yes." "Can you read it?" "Number 4, right?" "From there?"