"bright light city gonna set my soul gonna set my soul on fire" "I got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn so get those stakes up higher" "I'm gonna give it everything I got lady luck, please, let the dice stay hot let me shoot a seven with every shot, Hey !" "viva Las Vegas viva Las vegas viva viva..." "Las Vegas." "Hey, checkaper out." "That is one sexy leopard." "Hey, baby!" "Yeah, you." "You're looking good, baby!" "I'm seeing spots!" "Hey, here comes that debra chick." "I hear she is wild." "The elephant?" "You're into that?" "C'mon, you never had the "pinned in the lake" fantasy?" "You know, I'm just here at the water's edge getting a drink." "Whoops, I slipped." "Or did I?" " Hey, guys." " Hey, honey." "Sorry I'm late." "The compound is a madhouse." "All the animals are out trying to catch a glimpse of donkey." "Donkey?" "You mean donkey from shrek?" "Yeah." "He's in town shooting a commercial for some japanese suv." "Donkey." "Please." "He's no actor." "He's got one move." "Yeah, you want to hang out with the goofy green guy." "Show us why." "Make me feel something!" "Feh!" "That's right, run, you little wussies!" "I've never seen sal this mad!" "he's on the roof!" "Try to escape!" "Go, go!" "what's going on?" "Billy came to school without his protection money." "Idiot!" "He put us all in jeopardy." "Don't worry about that bully, honey." "I'll talk to his mother." "Great idea, mom." "he'll never get beaten for that." "Hey, buddy, I'm looking forward to career day at your school tomorrow." "Can't wait to meet your class and tell all your friends about what I do." "You know, you don't have to come if you don't want." "Hunter, what's the matter?" "Why don't you want daddy to come to your school?" "You see, mom, in his class, hunter's teetering on the cusp of loserdom." "His current survival strategy is to fly under the radar." "or else draw the attention of the cool kids and risk a hot tail." " What's a hot tail?" " Hot tail is when we used to light a match under a guy's tail." "We did it a lot." "But somehow it was always fresh." "Yeah, well, in his class, hunter is that kid." "I mean, if he does anyithing," "If he enjoys his lunch too much he gets a hot tail." "How can they tell?" "We can tell." "So, dad, what I'm saying about career day is, maybe you could just forget about it, like you do with everything else." "I could." "Or I could come to your school, be awesome and make you proud!" "great." "Classic." "Hallo, vegas strip!" "Hallo, wonder-folk!" "It is hello, from roy!" "Oh, mein gott!" "Stop the car!" "What is this monstrosity doing here?" "What happened to our favorite applebee's?" "it has been destroyed to reveal this horrifically charming, slice of quaint americana!" "Oh, this eyesore is appalling!" "Where is the neon?" "Where is the reassuring corporate logo?" "Where is the african-american performer palatable to middle america, such as dionne warwick or lou rawls?" "!" "These small businesses will destroy our way of life." "Even the name sounds sinister:" ""Grandma wilson's bed and breakfast."" "This is wrong, and we must stop it!" "Not just to have something to do during the day but to save the city we love!" "So, in conclusion, pick a career that suits you." "blake, there's someone here who wants to see you." "His name is... the mgm lion." "your dad knows the mgm lion?" "Yup." "And my mom knows tony the tiger." "She took a nap with him!" "Sorry to interrupt." "Just wanted to say hi to my good buddy, blake, and tell you all..." "Mgm lion!" "Mgm lion!" "So, my friend, what have you been up to?" "Well, I watched a movie last night and saw myself." "unfortunately class, we have to say good-bye to blake." "Boo!" "I know, I know." "But we asked these other parents to come, so let's just tough this out." "So long, kids." "Follow that." "Now here's larry." "Hiya, kids" "I'm hunter's dad." "When does it end?" "And I'm the lead lion in the siegfried and roy magic show." "I thought I'd take you on a personally guided tour through my exciting day." "A backstage pass to a big-time vegas extravaganza!" "do you know any celebrities like blake does?" "sure, of course." "Like who?" "Well, uh, I guess you might say... next parent!" "Next parent!" "Next parent!" "Next parent!" "Donkey!" "I know donkey!" "You know donkey?" "Yeah." "I never told you, son, because I don't like to brag about it, but he's a close personal pal of mine." "that's awesome!" " My dad knows the mgm lion!" " Shut up!" "Do you and donkey ever high-five?" "Once in a while, but when you high-five donkey as much as I have, it gets kind of old." "Usually I just go don-key." "Could you get donkey to come visit our class?" "Visit... the class?" "Yeah, he's in town shooting a commercial!" "Yeah, dad, and since you're such good friends with him, it would be really easy for you to bring him, like blake brought the mgm lion." "Yeah!" "Totally!" "Bring donkey!" "hold on." "I'm sure your teacher wouldn't want another day where her class is disrupted." "Oh, my god." "Donkey's coming!" "He's so hot!" "Okay." "I'll talk to donkey and bring him by tomorrow." "Yeah!" "Your dad knows donkey!" "Your dad knows donkey!" "How could you have said that?" "I don't know, they were hating me up there." "I feel like a writer accepting an academy award." "But... donkey?" "Why didn't you just promise them justin timberlake?" "Is he into dudes?" "What's going on there?" "You should have seen hunter's eyes." "He was pleading with me not to let him down." "I just couldn't do that to him." "Larry, you have to tell hunter the truth." "Hunter, no!" "Yeah, that's right, run you wussies!" "Look at him, he's torturing weaker kids." "I can't take that away from him." "Well, eventually they're going to find out that his dad doesn't know donkey." "Wait a minute." "Maybe I can do this." "Donkey's staying in a bungalow at the mirage." "All I have to do is get to him, make my case, convince him to come to hunter's school and pretend to be my friend!" "It's a perfect plan!" "You couldn't have gone out with the lowicki kid." "He beat his drinking problem, you know." "Hallo." "Yes, he is right." "Hallo." "you boys looking for a room?" "We would like to file a complaint." " Who is your parent company?" " Come again?" "What corporation owns you?" "Westin?" "Marriott?" "Perhaps disney?" "Oh, bless your heart, no." "It's just little old me." "I opened this bb with my retirement money." "This is not plastic with a flickering filament." "Can I get you boys anything?" "A slice of my homemade pecan pie?" "Nein danke, frau wilson." "In fact, on behalf of the las vegas historical society, we demand you install air conditioning, a wendy's featuring krispy-kreme donuts, and delightful machines that people can put their life savings into, one quarter at a time." "My, you boys sure do say a lot of words in a row." "If no change is made we will be forced to stage a protest!" "Well, okay, then." "But, before you go, are you sure there's nothing I can get for you boys?" "We got homemade ice cream... with real chocolate chips?" "Don't fall for it, ziggy!" "She smells of cinnamon." "Back!" "We won't fall under your spell, succubus!" "Oh, mein gott!" "You have saved me once again, roy!" "You have not heard the last of us, decrepit spellbinder!" "Oh, my god, it's him!" "It's donkey!" "Hey, lookin' good, vegas!" "Power-walkin' three times a week." "Don't forget to floss for that killer smile." "back, freaks!" "This guy made $15 million for shrek 2." "Yeah, and a piece of the domestic gross." "Currently under audit if dreamworks will open the books." "Man, security's tight." "Don't worry, I'll distrcft them." "hey, we should take the word "god"" "out of the pledge of allegiance!" "My country, right or wrong!" "Love it or leave it!" "Donkey, hi," "I'm larry, star of the whole siegfried and roy thing." "Big fan." "Waffles?" "Hilarious." "Look, I'm in a bind." "I need you to visit my kid's school for five minutes, you're in, you're out." "It would really mean the world to him." "Say no more, anything for a kid." "Just talk to my manager ellen, please." "She'll set the time." "Hi, larry the lion, star of the whole siegfried and roy thing." "Look, donkey told me to set up a time for him" " to come to my kid's school..." " not gonna happen." "Okay, I talked to your manager, seems like a lovely woman, but she was not that receptive." "And it's really important to my kid." "He loves you." "Yeah, the kids love donkey." "You go tell her I want to make this top priority." "Tell her I said to make it a "code green."" "Got it." "Hi, me again." "By the way, great nipples." "Look, I talked to donkey." "He wants this to be top priority." " Code green." " Not gonna happen." "I feel like I'm getting jerked around a little bit here." "Larry, let me tell you about my life, okay, babe?" "Every day, I got a million people asking," ""donkey, will you come to my birthday party?" ""Donkey, can my big ol' fat cousin ride you?" ""Donkey, can I shave you and then rub soothing aloe all over your painful bumps?"" "And I'd love to say yes to all my fans, but if I did that, I'd have no life." "That's why I have the pig manager to say no." "Because saying no makes me sad." "You understand?" "Especially to children." "When their eyes get big and their lips start quivering, and then they make that sound, you know, that little children sound that they... don't let 'em cry, larry!" "Don't let 'em cry!" "I just can't take it anymore!" "I can't take it!" "Stop crying, you crazy little angel!" "But look, hunter's having a really hard time at school." "See, he's a bit of a geek." "Don't you think I had a hard time in school?" "I mean, look at me." "Do you know how many times I had to hear "donkey is a ass,"" ""donkey is an ass."" "All right!" "I get it!" "They're synonyms." "I hate synonyms, larry!" "You know what I do love, though?" "Parfaits." "Do you like parfaits, larry?" "But..." " No Buts, Larry." "I'm sorry." "There's nothing I can do." "But let your kid know that shrek 3 is coming out in 2006." "The mom and pop menace is threatening the fabric of our wonderful, garish community!" "We will not stand by and let las vegas become the next small town, usa." "I've got your main street right here." "Now, we will shout angry things, to which you will reply, "ja!"" "Ja!" "Grandma wilson, we don't want to know our neighbors' names." "Right, short, fat bald guy and lady with face problem?" "Ja!" "We already have a town square, and that is william bennett when he comes to gamble." "Ja!" "If we must have a hoedown, let it be a hooker who has stumbled." "Ja!" "Ooh, you boys brought the whole gang over." "Would anyone like some lemonade?" "But we are protesting against your establishment." " Ain't that something?" " Ja, and get ready for more, old lady." "But first, I need to find a bathroom." "You can use my bathroom, sweetheart." "How can you have restroom use for non-customers?" "It's just the way we do things around here." "I give up." "You can't fight that." "She is too strong." "We're finished." "Look at me." "Even I am taking a load off." "Desperate times call for desperate measures." "I am the only man who can save the city we love." "aren't you a nice boy?" "I thought you might like that, grandma wilson." " So, I'll see you again tuesday?" " Not, so fast." "If you want another slice of siegfried pie, there are going to have to be some changes around here." ""Lazy days and moonlit nights"" ""hazy days..."" "well, I better tell hunter the truth." "God, he's going to hate me." "There he is with all those kids wearing cones." " Hunter's got a crew." " I'm hungry." "Let's get some food." "Uh, I mean, hunter, do you want to get some food?" "Nah, I'm not hungry." "Stupid." "I was just kidding." "I'm not even hungry." "Hey, conehead." "We asked our dad, and he said your dad doesn't even know donkey." "He's full of it." "My dad wouldn't lie." "He's awesome." "If he says he knows donkey, then he knows donkey." "This is a nightmare." "He totally believes me." "Man, if I'd have been that gullible when I was his age," "I'd be sitting in a basement in the bronx right now waiting for someone to throw me a chicken." "Well, well." "As much as I enjoy watching you flounder in your own stink, for the good of my grandson," "I'm going to bail you out." "What can you do?" "Donkey's already said no." "There's asking, and then there's asking." ""And then there's asking"?" "no." "There's just asking, and then there's asking." "How do you not know that?" "Are you sure this is donkey's villa?" "Positive." "Shh, here he comes." "remember, like we practiced." "Nice day." "Top of the morning." "Wait a baby might say." "Grab him!" "Okay, so we got him." "How are we going to convince him to actually go to the class?" "My claws are sharp, his face is pretty." "We'll work it out." "Sounds good." "Rodent, don't speak after I speak." "Just sit there and carry disease." "Well, here goes." "Oh, thank god!" "It was hotter in there than "free tabasco night"" "at a ricky martin concert!" "Why are you talking like that?" "Because I'm upset!" "I was about to pass out in there!" "Though your duct tape did just wax my mustache to a silky sheen." "Thank you for that." "Wait a minute." "Are you donkey?" "If I were, would I be living behind a gas station with a puerto rican goat named manuel?" "Enough of your riddles!" "Are you or are you not donkey?" "No, I am not donkey!" "I am, however, his more talented stunt double, and you have kidnapped the wrong jackass, jackass." "What are we gonna do now ?" "I know this great after-hours club, but you kind of have to be skinny." "I mean about kidnapping the wrong donkey." "We have to be in hunter's class in an hour." "Ooh, that is a problem." "Donkey's already on the set of his commercial." "How could we have been so stupid?" "Although, to be fair, you do look exactly like donkey." "Wait a second." "If we couldn't tell the difference between donkey and this guy... then maybe they're related." "I'll bet they've got the same daddy!" "The kids won't know the difference, either." "We could just bring him to the class." "Um, and why should I help you?" "How would you like to perform in front of a live audience?" "You can't talk, but you can dance, do stunts, and finally get that chance to be the star you were meant to be." "I'll do it!" "Buddy hugs!" "I could just lose myself in your chest." "Oh, where is that stunt donkey?" "you better find him, cause I ain't getting in that suv, ellen." "Those things roll over." "Consumer reports, july 2004." "Go on, check it out." "You won't eat hot dogs again either, trust me." "Man, where is that stunt donkey?" "If he's out there at that skinny club with that manuel," "I'm going to be pissed." "Better, ja?" "ja." "That festering boil on the face of our fair city is gone forever." ""You'll never find..."" "siegfried, our entire city owes you a debt of gratitude." ""Someone who loves you"" "You have safed Las-Vegas." "I did what I had to do." "I am just glad it's behind me." ""You'll never find..."" "uh..." "I need to catch up with lou rawls." "I'll be back in an hour." "kids, are you ready to meet donkey?" "now, he's got laryngitis, so he can't speak, but he's real excited to be here." "Please welcome the world famous hollywood movie sensation, and my good friend... donkey!" "Hi, donkey!" "Wrap it up." "thank you, thank you, you're too kind!" "And now I'm going to do some of my scenes for y'all." "Check it out." "Indy, watch out for that temple of doom!" "Nothing my bullwhip can't handle, cause then it's the fight scene." "moving into a little beyonce!" ""Baby boy, you stay on my mind, fulfill my fantasies..."" "awhoo, yes!" "You're not donkey!" "You're an impostor!" "Hunter's dad is evil." "He played with our dreams!" "Enough!" "I admit he isn't the real donkey, but this guy came here and tapped his little heart out." "We live in troubled times, and there's a lot of bad stuff that could happen to any of us, but for a few moments, he helped us remember that there's still some good in this world." "Boo!" "This sucks!" "You, fat one, I just wet myself." "Class dismissed, so we can all get over how lame that was." "I'm sorry, buddy." "I was really trying to help you out." "Jermeece?" "!" "Flaky drama queen where is he?" "!" " Jermeece?" "!" " Your dad doesn't know donkey!" "Your dad's a big fat liar!" "Conehead!" "Conehead!" "Brace face!" "Brace face!" "Brace face!" "Okay, knock it off now." "don't take it out on hunter." "The truth is... hi, everybody!" "that's right." "Put your eyeballs back in your head." "It's really me." "We love you, donkey!" "well, see, I promised my buddy larry I'd come and visit the class, but I thought I couldn't make it, so I sent my stunt double instead." "Sorry for the confusion, lar." "No problem, don-key!" "Yeah, don't do that." "Okay, kids, this has been a real treat for you, but I can't stay." "I got to get back to that commercial I'm shooting for the wonderful suv, the new rockmonster from sundaki!" "Mountain, rook out!" "larry, you know what?" "You're crazy, but you all right." "Listen, the next time you in L.A., I want you to come by my house, and we'll shoot some pool, watch my big screen and climb my rock wall." "Thanks, that sounds great!" "Not gonna Happen." "Your people killed mama cass!" "She-she was a singer." "Choked on a ham sandwich." "So, you being friends with donkey That was just a lie?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "It's okay." "Thanks, dad." "Guess you don't really know any celebrities, huh?" "That's not true." "I know justin timberlake." "You know Justin timberlake?" "!" "Justin timberlake?" "!" "yeah, jermeece, uh, right." "You know, I liked a lot of what you did there, but I'm still not quite feeling my love for the rockmonster." "Like when those boulders are hitting you donkey loves that, he don't feel no pain." "And keep your eyes open." "You're making me look all squinty." "I think I broke my shin." "Terrific." "Let's do one more take for safety." "Man, these shoots are exhausting." "Ow." "Son of A..."