"Heather's back." "Back to stalk her prey." "She's not stalking me, Howard, she's talking to Josie." "You've confused stalking with talking." "I thought the Pussyman had a weird effect on women?" "Sure, girls stalk me, yeah, that's a given." "But Heather isn't." "Heather isn't even in the same room as me." "Hmm, a cheeky little number from the Co-op region." "Feisty." "Slight hint of vinegar." "Audacious." "Why do you think she's made friends with Josie?" "That's her in." "She's angry that you blanked her and she's coming for you, pal." "Howard, you're making her sound mad." "She's not mad." "Cheers." "Hello, Heather." "We're watching you." "Oh?" "I see your stalker is stalking you again." "Classic stalker behaviour." "She is not stalking me." "She's taking photos of you." "No, she isn't." "She probably isn't." "Why would she?" "Your guess is as good as mine." "Although my guess would be it's photo-surveillance and she's using GPS to track your movements." "And that's an educated guess." "How did it go with the agency?" "I told 'em I wanted something like CEO of the Discovery Channel." "Oh, OK." "And what did you get?" "Cleaner." "Oh, right." "Well, that sounds... good?" "Yeah, it's worked out brilliantly, actually." "There's no networking, no politics, you know." "As soon as you've finished the work, you can go." "It's basically my dream job." "Flowers?" "I know, so uncool." "They must be Sabine's." "Along with the microwave and the sandwich toaster." "Which is awesome, by the way." "Yeah?" "What does everyone make of Sabine?" "Has anyone talked to her yet?" "I think we should talk to her." "You don't need to stop talking because of me." "No." "We didn't." "We'd just finished talking." "Not about you." "About someone else, that you don't know called..." "Sabby." "OK." "Honestly, I don't mind what you say." "There's something weird about her." "Did you notice how she took a yogurt but no spoon?" "What's that about?" "Must be some weird Dutch thing." "I forgot to get a spoon." "I get, er, cashed up end of the week, so once I've paid off Kif and Yoz and Chunky, I can bung you this back, probably." "It says, "Insufficient funds"." "What does that mean?" "Is that the bank?" "Do they have insufficient funds?" "No, you." "You have insufficient funds." "I have insufficient funds?" "As in, my money is not sufficient?" "As in, my money is not enough?" "Yeah, as in, you've got no money." "Oh, thanks a lot, Oregon." "Appreciate it." "You really helped me out there." "Cheers, all." "I would buy you one back but Oregon's being a tightwad." "So, what's that, rum and Coke?" "No, this is Coke." "Well, it's Diet Coke." "What's that about?" " What do you mean?" " Why aren't you drinking?" " I don't really drink." " How does that work?" "What do you mean?" "What do you do if you're feeling happy or sad or nervous or bored?" "I don't understand the question." "How do you tell people what you really think of them?" "I just tell them." "OK, that's mental." "So, how do you get off with someone?" "We just go for a coffee." "Yeah, but how do you have sex with them?" "We just take our clothes off." "Without being drunk?" "Yes." "But you're stoned, yeah?" "No." "It's perfectly natural." "Time to deploy evasive action." "Evasive action... unsuccessful." "So, could you have a word with your BFF about the stalking?" "It's flattering, but she's cramping Pussyman's style, yeah?" "Heather's not stalking you." "OK, number one." "She's constantly bumping into me." "Oh, how terrifying." "Two." "I've had two missed calls from her." "Shit, have you called the police?" "No message." "Seriously, get a restraining order." "Three, I've had 34 emails from her today all saying," ""Do you fancy a drink sometime?"" "Yeah, well, that is a bit weird but there's obviously an explanation." "Yes, there is." "One that isn't a Lynx advert." "That is not a good look, Howard." "Well, it's actually very healthy for the feet." "What's going on?" "I've been mugged." "For your trainers?" "Yes, for my trainers." "Shit, Howard, that is awful." "Did they take anything else?" "No, just my trainers." "So they just said, "Give us your trainers"?" "No, they didn't say anything." "They didn't say anything?" "They didn't have to." "If they didn't ask, how do you know they wanted your trainers?" "Is that being mugged?" "Or is that just giving someone your trainers?" "I'm not making it up." "I'm not some drama queen who has to be transferred onto a drama course cos they need more drama in their life." "I am the opposite of a drama queen." "I am a reality queen." "Stop being a megatwat, Kingsley." "He was obviously mugged." "My mate Chemo said there's this gang going round." "They watch the house, wait till you're alone." "Then they knock on the door and when you answer, they drag you down to the cash point at knife-point." "Fucking bastards." "Fucking clever bastards." "Lucky we're all together." "Apart from JP." "JP!" "Where the fuck have you been?" "I've been calling out for days." "OK, so JP is alive." "Goodnight!" "What's the matter?" "I'm sick." "I'm the sick man of Europe." "Look on the internet, see what the hell is wrong with me." "The wifi up here is spotty as fuck." "I need Lucozade and soup." "And printed pornography, in case I improve." "Seriously, have none of you lot got any food you can give JP?" "What about this?" "Whose cake is this?" ""Oma's Boterkoek." Sabine's." "Do you think she'd mind?" "I mean, JP is ill." "I don't think she'd mind." "I mean, she did leave it out." "In the cupboard." "Maybe we should try some." "Just to make sure it's OK." "Safety first." "Here." "Sugar." "It's good for shock." "That's why horror fans are fat." "Er, Vod." "I'm still a bit shaken up." "Erm, so I was wondering, would you mind...?" "No." "Not even if we top and tail?" "Not even." "Look, no offence, I'm not here to chit-chat or be matey." "I do my job and go." "I'm in and out." "Like a ninja with pillow chocolates." "Your vacuum cleaner is not switched on." "What?" "You need to switch it on here." "Oh, right." "Yeah." "I thought I had." "Thanks for doing this, I really appreciate it." "Are you sure Heather's stalking you?" "Trust me, you know when someone's stalking you." "She's stalking me, all right." "Except she isn't stalking you today?" "No..." "Today, it's almost like you're stalking her." "Maybe she had to do something?" "Yes, she's taken a day off." "She's one of those relaxed stalkers." "She's not obsessive about being obsessive." "It is weird, because yesterday, she was definitely stalking me but today, she doesn't seem to be stalking me." "You sound like you miss the stalking." "I don't miss it." "I mean, yeah, it's nice to be liked and everyone likes to be liked and if someone's following you, they definitely like you but I don't miss it." "Why would I miss it?" "Shit, there she is." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to follow her." "Hey, guess what, right?" "There was a break-in on campus last night and they were giving out rape alarms, so I got us a load." "Do I need a rape alarm?" "I'll take two." "No, four." "I've already given JP one." "Does JP understand what a rape alarm is for?" "Or does he think you've given him some kind of sex vuvuzela?" "The doctor came and when he was eventually able to present some valid ID and I could let him in, he said that JP has mumps." "Oh, no." "That's bad." "Wait." "Is that bad?" "It doesn't sound bad." "It sounds like getting the bumps." "It is bad." "Can't it make you go infertile?" "Yes." "And it's contagious." "So I trust, like me, you'll have your vaccination records to hand and you know where and when you were inoculated?" "No idea." "Fuck knows." "Unfortunately, the only two diseases I'm not inoculated against are mumps and the lesser known strain of Dengue fever." "Oh, I had the mumps jab." "I remember, because I liked the needle being stuck in and my mum freaked and made me promise if I ever did scag, I'd only smoke it." "Then you are now JP's designated carer, because we cannot enter the infected zone." "Ugh." "You're kidding." "Somebody's broken in." "They're attacking JP!" "Then I'd better go and help him out." "All right, JP." "Has someone broken in?" "No, I want some soup." "Are you being raped, JP?" "Well, I'm sort of being raped by my lack of soup." "Mate, you can't use a rape alarm as a dinner bell." "How else am I meant to let people know when I need some soup?" "I might die." "JP, you're not going to die." "Isn't it pretty to think so?" "Say it again, Vod." "All right." "I'm going to make you some soup and tuck you in, but stop giving it the pathet-o-mouth." "It makes me feel pukey." "Thank you, Vodster." "So I just boil it, right?" "That will impair the flavour." "Put it on a low heat." "Or you could microwave it." "Someone's swiped the microwave." "And the sandwich toaster." "How am I going to live without that?" "I can't go back to normal sandwiches now!" " Where's everything gone?" " Maybe we've been burgled." "We haven't been burgled, Howard." "If we'd been burgled, then all our stuff would be missing and there'd be a massive shit on one of the beds." "Other than JP, that is." "Sabine, erm, can I interest you in a rape alarm?" "It's coming!" "No." "I have a brown belt in Jiu Jitsu." "So, you all saw my Post-It note about the house meeting?" "Of course, because you are all here." "I want to discuss with you how you stole my cake." "Oh, er, sorry." "Erm, we thought you left it out for us." "I think that is a lie." "Oh." "Right." "It isn't a lie?" "I think you stole my cake." ""Stole" is a bit harsh." "I mean, we ate the cake, yeah." "But did we steal it?" "Yes, you stole it and ate it." "Is it that big a deal?" "I mean, it's just a cake, yeah?" "It was my birthday cake." "Shit." "Erm, well, you'll have other birthdays." "It was from my father, who is very ill." "Maar ja, dat kan jou geen reet schelen, maar goed." "It's coming!" "Erm, we're so sorry." "Er, but happy birthday, though!" "Yeah, happy birthday." "Yeah, happy... happy birthday." "Ditto." "I thought about it and I just wanted to say," "I understand you are all young." "So I think we can put this behind us." "Great." "Good." "But also, I would like you all to give me £4 to buy a replacement cake." "This is for your own good, to help you grow up and take responsibility." "I think you'll find we're all pretty grown-up, sweetheart." "It's coming, you soup fuck!" "What do you think about her?" "I don't know what I think about her." "I don't not like her." "But I also don't like her." "Webcam." "Doubles as CCTV." "Oh, Josie?" "Would you be interested in helping me fill the gutters with petrol, so that in the event of an attack, we can release a wall of flame against our adversaries?" "Um..." "No!" "Hey, Kingsley!" "How have you been?" "Oh, hello again." "Erm, yeah, you know..." "I mean, actually, you do know." "I feel like I haven't seen you around very much." "Really?" "Cos I feel like I've seen you around a lot." "Yeah, well, yeah, I guess I have bumped into you a bit." "That must be synchronicity or something." "Yeah, it could be synchronicity, although I suppose the thing about synchronicity is, it does always sound a bit far-fetched and implausible." "Oh." "Yeah, well, I guess what I meant was," "I haven't seen you around to talk to." "I mean, we haven't really spoken since that night we did all the sexuals." "No." "Although you did ring me a couple of times." "Oh, yeah, sorry about that." "Erm, I sat on my phone and accidentally rang you, so..." "Right." "But did you also email me?" "Oh, you got my email?" "Yeah, yeah, I got it a lot." "I got it 34 times." "I mean roughly, I didn't count." "Oh, yeah, sorry, erm, my server went down and then when it came back online, it slightly overcompensated." "Oh, right." "Fancy a drink?" "Oh, well, I suppose one couldn't hurt." "Unless it had Rohypnol in!" "Not that it would have." "Why would you put Rohypnol in it?" "You probably don't even have access to Rohypnol, do you?" "I'll stop saying Rohypnol now." "Yeah, I'd love a drink." "Thanks." "Oh, I've only just got in!" "Let me at least sit down and have a spliff." "Hey, guess what?" "!" "I've just had £1,000 put in my account." "Aren't parents just great?" "JP's been ringing for you." "I know!" "I souped him up before I went." "And I tucked him in so hard he couldn't breathe." "What more does he fucking want?" "Please answer, because every time that alarm goes off," "I've got to check all the windows are securely fastened." "What now?" "God, I did you this morning." "Vod, there's something I need to tell you." "Yeah, yeah, I know you don't like lentil." "But it's good for your strength." "Look, I've been thinking about it loads and Vod, I love you." "Right." "Cheers." "I'll write you in my big book of everyone who loves me." "Come on, Vodster, get into bed with me." "Let's make love." "Er, I'm all right, thanks." "Don't go, Vod." "Please, you're the only person that cares about me." "I rang my mum and she's seeing some man called Leon and then I called my dad because I had a fever, but I forgot that he's dead and I ended up leaving a message on his answerphone cos no one's even bothered to cancel his contract!" "Oh, mate..." "Give me a hug." "Did you just try and cop a feel?" "I'm a little bit wonky, Vod." "Don't hate me." "Maybe it would be good if you do go infertile." "What do you mean?" "OK, I'm not quite sure how this has happened, but basically, I am carrying JP's spunk, which he has jizzed into this ice cube tray while I waited outside." "So from now on, don't ever use the ice cube tray or go near the ice cube tray or think about the ice cube tray." "That's disgusting." "Why has he done that?" "Er, he's decided he needs to freeze his sperm, to ensure the continuity of humanity." "Did he really need to use a whole ice cube tray?" "No." "Where are the Post-Its?" "Sabine used them all." "I mean, look at these." ""Please clean the grill after using."" "What, every time? "Please turn off the lights when not in a room"." "How?" ""Please do not use fridge space for condiments that can be" ""stored at ambient temperatures."" "Actually, that's something I wanted to mention, too." "Here we go." ""JP's spunk" ""in ice cube tray." ""Don't touch."" "Will that even work?" "I mean, how long do fishcakes keep for?" "Like, three months?" "I was told by the vendor IAmVanDamme44 that this is a stab-proof jacket made of Kevlar." "Well, it is not made of Kevlar." "It is made of polyester." "Because it's a fleece." "I have literally been fleeced." "Cheers again." "I'm getting alcohol fumes." "I'm getting wobbliness." "This is quite a stupid number." "Yes." "I'm getting idiocy." "I'm getting brain cells dying." "This is a strongly sexual wine." "It's powerful, dominating." "A strong aroma of pheromones and a hint of sluttiness?" "This is..." "I can't actually drink this one because it's fully erect." "You're not going to see anything out there, apart from maybe another bearded man with binoculars." "Can you please take this seriously?" "I definitely saw someone." "Someone is definitely out there." "It's a big city, Howie, there's a lot of people out there." "Hey, you know that £1,000 that went into my account?" "It was only bloody Tony who put it there." "Shales?" "Well, how did he know you were broke?" "Have you been "talking to him"?" "No!" "No!" "Earwigging." "Creepy." "Although, fair dos." "He basically owes you a grand for all the sex you gave him." "Well, I wasn't shagging him for money." "I'm not a prostitute." "Well, don't tell me you enjoyed it." "Besides, there's nothing wrong with being a sex worker to fund your studies, if that's your choice." "It's not my choice." "Could be, though." "You've got the looks." "Oh!" "Thanks!" "And your own car." "Oh..." "There's no one out there." "Exactly." "Whoever it is, they know what they're doing." "Hi, Howard!" "Is he alive?" "I'm sorry?" "I might jump in the shower." "Is it OK if I nip in first, Howard?" "Go... ahead." "Are you in trouble?" "Are you being manipulated against your will?" "Of course not." "She had explanations for everything." "Of course she had explanations." "She had made-up explanations." "Er, the stalker has penetrated the compound walls." "I told you we needed a wall of fire." "Oh." "Heather?" "I knew it!" "I knew that would happen!" "You've got together with Heather?" "Heather the stalker?" "No, Heather the regular, normal person." "Heather the normal person that you said was stalking you?" "I think it was Howard who said that." "She is insane in the head brain." "No, it was definitely you." "You said she was following you, remember?" "I don't think I said that." "I think I just said there was, like, a weird synchronicity." "No, no, you didn't say that." "You said she was stalking you." "Maybe." "Look, it's a grey area." "And it turns out she wasn't stalking me." "Because she isn't a stalker." "Well, not now, she's not." "Now she's a girlfriend." "I have access to a cattle gun." "What?" "!" "I'm kidding." "Erm, still, at least you've made it OK for her to follow you around now." "Yeah, you've sort of made her your official stalker." "It's clever." "It's probably the last thing a stalker would expect, to have comprehensive access to their victim." "Look, all right, I was wrong." "I was wrong and you were right." "She isn't a stalker, she's actually a really, really lovely person." "Happy now?" "Yes." "Really happy, actually." "Glad you've finally seen sense." "Hey, Heather!" "Congratulations!" "Oh, thanks!" "Although, that makes it sound slightly like I've won the Euromillions!" "It's just so great and I'm just so happy for you." "And you're just going to be around here so much." "And we're going to have such a laugh!" "Don't worry, I'll take custody of the Heather." "We're not in till after 11 anyways." "So." "Guess I'll be around here loads." "My new best friend and my guy available in one easy hit!" "It's cool, isn't it?" "Cool?" "Oh, god, it's so cool." "It's flipping supercool." "I'm so happy." "I'm so glad." "Because I thought it might be a bit weird." "But I was looking in the mirror with Kings and I thought, yeah, that looks right." "He's stuck with the Arctic Monkeys through everything and I respect that." "Brilliant." "That is... brilliant." "Ooh!" "Hear about the break-in in Victoria Park?" "They strapped the guy to a chair and cut off his fingers until he told them the PIN number." "I'll be in my room." "You know, I could show you some self-defence moves." "And Jose, we didn't keep you awake last night, did we?" "God, no." "It's just I know that wall is thin..." "Well, you know." "Didn't notice anything." "And then we stayed up chatting for hours." "He's such a good listener." "I hate listening, don't you?" "But, hmmm, he doesn't." "OK, now, here are a couple of Jiu Jitsu techniques." "If you can turn to face your attacker, you push the heel of your palm up to their nose." "Oregon, show me." "My fingers would be in your eye socket if this was for real." "OK, very good." "So if they go to attack you, you can do this." "Josie, go to hit me." "Ugh." "Ow!" "Shit, that hurts." "OK, very good." "Now you try." "Heather, try hitting Josie." "Josie, don't be aggressive, just use Heather's aggression against her." "He started playing me a bit of a song on his guitar." "Did you know he wrote songs?" "No." "He started writing one for me." "It needs a bit of work." "OK." "Go." "Ugh." "Oh, fuck!" "Shit!" "You broke my fucking arm!" "Oh." "OK." "Yes, you've broken her arm." "Shit." "You were aggressive." "I told you not to be aggressive." "I wasn't aggressive, I just did what you told me to do!" "I didn't tell you to break her arm." "Argh!" "Have you seen Heather?" "Where is everyone?" "Yeah, er, funny story." "We had to take her to the hospital because her arm got broken." "Her arm got broken?" "How did her arm get broken?" "Josie broke her arm." "What?" "Why did you break her arm?" "I didn't break her arm." "I used her own weight against her, so in a way, she broke her own arm." "She broke her own arm?" "No, Josie broke her arm." "Not really." "I was doing self-defence on her." "Sabine showed me, so Sabine must have showed me wrong." "You were aggressive." "I told you not to be aggressive." "Anyway, er, Heather attacked me," "I defended myself and her arm got broken." "Best form of defence is attack." "I didn't attack." "I did defence." "Because defence is the best form of defence." "I mean, how bad is it?" "Not bad." "Flamingo leg." "Bends the wrong way." "Monster mash mate, monster mash." "Yes, but you know what they say," ""Broken bones may break my bones, but they will never hurt me."" "They don't say that because it's not true and it doesn't make sense." "Look, it's not like she had periodontal surgery or a third molar extraction, so she's basically fine, but just don't try and hug her because I tried that and she said it was incredibly painful." "Josie." "Tell me, because I've been wondering." "Did you break her arm deliberately?" "What?" "No, of course not." "It was an accident." "Why would I break her arm deliberately?" "I didn't break her arm deliberately." "That would be horrible." "I'm not horrible." "I think you broke her arm deliberately." "I didn't fucking break her arm deliberately!" "So stop fucking saying I did." "I think you're not a nice person." "Yeah, well fuck you!" "Yes." "I think you're not a nice person." "Shit, are you OK?" "How are you feeling?" "I'm fine, I'm totally fine." "Come here." "God, Josie, I can't believe you did this." "She didn't mean to." "It was an accident." "Hear that, Sabine?" "It was an accident." "Besides, she said sorry." "Look." "Here, I'm going to look after you." "You have a nice sit down and put your feet up." "Her feet are fine, it's her arm you broke." "I'll look after her." "Do you want some frozen peas for the swelling?" "No thanks, I'm fine." "I'll get you some anyway." "Here." "Thank you." "Have some ice cream." "Thanks." "I've got some chocolate if you want." "You should have the clicker." "Here." "Here's my rape alarm." "You can just hit it if you need me." "You want my advice?" "Let her fend for herself." "You offer to look after someone, make 'em a cup of tea, next thing you know, it's," ""Can I get a different kind of mango in my lassi?"" "See what I mean?" "Sorry to hear you're feeling grimmo, boss man." "Yeah, your Mum rang my Mum and Mumster did the whole number withheld thing to get through and tell me the bad news." "Yeah, mumps." "Serious downer." "I heard you can go impotent?" "Not impotent." "Infertile." "Are you going infertile?" "No, of course not." "My sperms are like Navy SEALs." "Nothing stops these little bastards." "So, listen, we brought you a little something." "Bit of a peace offering to say soz." "No hard ones about last term, yeah?" ""No hard ones"." "Not in his case." "Yeah, I'm not impotent." "Or infertile, OK?" "Grapes?" "Hash." "Taliban Black and a side order of bugle." "Afghanistan versus Colombia." "Fucking drugs death match." "It's political, geeze." "Oh, great." "Drugs, yeah." "Erm, I could really do with some drugs." "I just don't know whether I've really got the strength to, er, skin-up." "Yeah, fuck it!" "Oh, God, I feel terrible." "Half an hour, you'll be feeling like a fucking uber-human." "Yeah, if the mumps don't make you infertile, this'll blow your nuts off anyway." "And we're giving you a good price." "I'm not infertile, all right?" "I'm fucking fecund." "Ah." "Vod." "Erm, teas all round?" "And is there any more of that cake?" "Please?" "Nah." "Sorry." "I don't think so." "Don't go funky, Vodster." "There's something in it for you." "Oh, right." "Paid job is it?" "Yeah." "Oh, OK." "Right." "I thought I was doing a mate a favour, but if I'm getting paid, I'll do the full works." "Oh, look boys, I'm cleaning." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Oh, my god." "Five grams." "JP, this is, this is unprecedented." "Oh, dear, I'm sorry." "What, naughty servant?" "Bad servant?" "Go on." "Fuck off." "Six missed calls from the hotel." "Reckon they must want to give me the chop." "Ooh." "No, mate, best news I've ever heard." "I've resigned from JP." "In a few hours, I'll be out of the cleaning game for good." "OK." "Don't forget, we've got an extra seminar this week on Aristotle also in this room, thereby neatly observing his Unity of Place." "Any other business?" "Er, yes." "Here's the £1,000 you gave me, hoping I would sleep with you again." "Right, thank you." "Any other questions?" "No?" "Good." "See you on Friday, then." "I feel sick." "I feel physically sick." "It's fucking disgusting what they've done to me." "Shouldn't you be happy about it, though?" "Why would I be happy about a promotion?" "It's the last thing I want." "More responsibility, more interaction, longer hours, more cleaning." "Why don't you just say no?" "Cos they offered me more money, the shits." "They've got me by the money." "Nah, even worse, I had to go for a drink with them and spend half my night talking about how to get rid of mildew and who makes the best bleach." "I've turned into a fucking old woman." "That reminds me, we need more bleach." "Do you want to get it?" "I just was thinking because you know which is the best bleach." "I'll get it, I'll get it." "I'll see you back at the house." "You dicks!" "Why are you ignoring me?" "How dare you." "Someone's feeling better." "They're outside!" "Are you sure?" "Who?" "Someone!" "They're outside and they're sizing the place up." "I knew this was coming." "Where's Oregon?" "Yeah, Vod, where's Oregon?" "If this is a scam to get more soup, I'm gonna microwave some leek and potato in a cricket box and you can try that on for size." "Oregon?" "Yeah, look, we think there's someone outside the house." "Are you sure?" "I can't see anyone." "We're coming out!" "Just be careful!" "Oh, shitting Christ!" "Tony?" "!" "What, what the fuck?" "Always thought it would be me who did that." "You broke my nose." "My lovely nose." "My lovely Oregon broke my lovely nose." "It was my best bit, the king of my face." "My face has no nose." "How does it smell?" "I don't know." "I was bringing you flowers and you broke my fucking nose." "We don't know I broke your nose." "I might have just displaced the cartilage or something." "You broke my nose and my heart." "I think you should go." "You know you could report him for stalking." "Is it stalking?" "I mean, what is stalking?" "It's a grey area." "So." "How's my sperm?" "You put your sperm in the freezer?" "Yeah, I can't afford to just jizz away my jizz." "Can't risk depriving the ladies of the Mini JPs." "That won't work." "You need liquid nitrogen tanks." "I like how your first reaction is, "That won't work", instead of, "I hope you haven't got your cum on my frozen pizzas," ""because I don't like that topping."" "Where's my sperm?" "Seriously, Vod, what the fuck?" "I ask you to do one simple thing." "Sabine, what happened to your face?" "Oh, my God, you haven't been attacked, have you?" "You are very over-dramatic." "No, I tried an advanced self-defence class and someone accidentally hit me with their elbow." "Or maybe they did it deliberately cos you're not a nice person." "Can I get you something for the swelling?" "Thank you, Heather." "That's very nice of you." "But I'm OK, I have some ice cubes." "You can talk to me, you know?" "I'm not some kind of freak." "There's nothing out of the ordinary about me." "There is one thing." "I'm having sex with her face from a distance and she doesn't even know it." "Come on." "That was the only way Robin van Persie was ever gonna get a facial." "And he's back." "That's right, Knutsford." "Backer than before!" "By the way, I don't know what was in your weird-looking ice cubes, but I put them in here because your ice cube tray was mouldy." "Our ice cube tray?" "Yes." "I have my own ice cube tray." "All right, mate." "I, er, got you some smoothie." "Hmm?" "What is it?" "Wheatgrass shot type of thing?" "DNA frappe." "Very, very organic." "Ugh, it's horrible." "Yeah." "Oh, you can't be serious?"