"Yeah." "Okay, I'll let him know." "As soon as he gets in." "I promise." "Okay." "Where's mike?" "Missing-person call?" "His girlfriend's name is Toni, right?" "Is that her?" "Yeah." "What a mess." "She was talking all crazy and crying." "She said she's gonna tell his wife what's going on." "Just makes you want to get married and fool around, doesn't it?" "Hey, what's the deal with Al?" "I saw him downstairs, and his face was all puffy." "He didn't tell you what happened?" "He had an accident last night." "Oh, my god, a car accident?" "No, a bathroom accident." "He's incontinent?" "Oh, I love this." "No, no, no." "He was on his way out last night." "He stopped to take a leak, and when he was done, he caught his thing in the zipper." "Ahhhh." "Ahh!" "Yeah, and he bent over really fast in pain, and he broke his jaw on the urinal." "Hey, come on, man." "They had to wire it shut, and--It's not funny, bro." "Come on, tommy, that's not... funny." "Yes, it is." "Oh, my god!" "You told?" "Yeah, I just told them." "Thanks a lot." "Oh, my god." "Give me that." "Wipe your mouth." "Twenty-first precinct--Manetti." "Yeah." "You sure?" "All right, thanks." "What's the matter?" "It's frank." "Yeah, Toni's called the house and hung up like 50 times." "Karen asked me to trace the number." "Some life." "That's what you get for fooling around with that woman." "Any guy cheats oh his wife, sooner or later, it's gonna come back and bite him in the ass." "Yeah, you're the expert." "I do a lot of reading." "Do you really?" "Hello." "Mrs. Lawrence?" "Yes?" "Hello, I'm detective Phillips." "Detective McNEIL." "You're with the police?" "No, we're with the grocery store." "What?" "!" "Yes we're with the police, you called about a friend that's missing?" "Oh, yes, carol Waxman." "She lives in 4c." "I haven't seen her for three days." "Does she live alone?" "No." "She lives with her husband." "Oh, excuse me." "I'd, uh--I'd let you in, but I have a dog." "And she's very nervous around black people." "Oh, really?" "Who's black?" "Well, isn't your friend, uh... oh, no, he's really more of a deep-Brown, wouldn't you say?" "Mike, we have to go." "Why?" "It's frank." "He's in the hospital." "He had a heart attack." "We'll get back to you." "?" "This is modern day America?" "hey, how's he doing?" "He's stable." "Hey." "You guys didn't have to come all the way down here." "What happened, frank?" "Well, I was driving into work, and I got this searing pain in my chest." "I couldn't breathe, I was sweating." "It got so bad, I dropped my poundcake and it rolled under the front seat, and I was reaching around trying to get it." "Wait--since when does a slice of poundcake roll?" "Oh, did I say it was a slice?" "Driving around, having a heart attack, eating a whole poundcake, what are the odds?" "All right, leave him alone, Michael." "Thanks, Jan." "Would you get me that cup of ice chips there?" "Sure." "Thanks." "You're an idiot." "You know that?" "I am so angry with you right now." "What is your problem now?" "He's selfish, Jan." "He's a selfish, selfish person." "You don't care about yourself, but you expect us to care about you." "You better start making some changes, frank, 'cause I'm not gonna sit around and watch you kill yourself, 'cause I'm your partner," "I'm your friend, and I love you too much to watch you do this." "Big day." "Frank had a heart attack, and tommy's gay." "I don't care." "I'm just saying what I feel." "Well, I'm saying what I feel." "And I feel like you might be gay." "Let's all just calm down." "We're a little emotional." "What?" "Maybe it's a good idea." "What the hell happened to him?" "You're not gonna believe this." "He hurt himself taking a leak." "Okay, Mr. Harrigan." "Hey, I guess the party's in here." "Hey, doc, these are my friends from work." "You guys can go home now." "No, no it's fine, you're all set to go." "I'll drop your chart off with the nurses, and they'll have you out in no time." "You're gonna send him home?" "He had a heart attack." "No, he didn't." "He had gas--very bad gas." "I thought you told me" "I told you what I was told." "Frank." "It felt like a heart attack." "Feel better." "So, you've known all this time?" "Well, they were-- wait a minute!" "I just said I love you because of gas?" "!" "Oh, you son of A... tommy... come back." "We love you." "Tommy, please." "We love you." "So, when was the last time you saw your wife, Mr. Waxman?" "I don't remember." "Did she say she was going anywhere?" "I don't remember." "What did he say?" "Has she ever disappeared like this before?" "One time, just after we got married--1946." "She took off and went to her mother's in jersey." "Any chance she went there again?" "I doubt it." "Her mother died 30 years ago." "Does she have a cellphone?" "My wife?" "She doesn't even have her own teeth." "She's 80 years old." "If you find her, let me know." "I'm watching the golf." "Hi." "Hi." "You Jan?" "Mm-hmm." "Hi." "Hi." "I'm Toni." "Oh, Toni." "Hi." "Hi." "Michael's not here right now." "Yeah, I know." "They told me downstairs." "I was gonna leave a note for him on his desk." "I was just afraid he might miss it." "Oh, you could give me a message." "I spend every day with him --I'll pass it along." "Okay." "Tell him I'm going to his house now to confront his wife and tell her the truth." "All right." "Anything else?" "I'm going right now." "Toni, I know it's none of my business, but do you really think that's gonna help?" "Do you really think this is gonna accomplish anything?" "You know, you're right." "Yeah." "It's none of your business." "Give him the message." "I haven't seen her for a couple of days." "The last time I saw him was when he brought the boxes down." "What boxes?" "They were, like, eight or nine small boxes, and one really big box." "He gave me ten bucks to get rid of the small boxes." "Then he rented a van, and me and a couple guys loaded in the big box, and he took it away." "What was in the small boxes?" "I didn't look." "I threw it in the incinerator." "Was there a name on the side of the van?" "Uh, "American van loaders."" "There's one a couple blocks from here." "If we need anything else, we'll check with you." "Yeah?" "You got trouble, sport." "Your girlfriend was just here." "She was there?" "Mm-hmm." "And she says she's going to your house to tell your wife everything," "And she's going now." "Ahh!" "A bomb scare at our house?" "This is a guy I put away a couple years ago." "He got back on the street, and word is, he's coming after me." "How do you know?" "I have information." "The bomb squad is on their way over right now." "I'm sure it's nothing to be afraid of, but just grab the kids and get out of there." "Where am I supposed to go?" "Go to your mother's house." "I'll call when the coast is clear." "Okay." "All right, bye." "Think she bought it?" "Well, I know your wife." "She's not stupid, so I would have to say, no." "Hey." "Look, tommy, I feel bad." "You really put yourself out on a limb in the hospital, saying what you did." "You're right-- I am selfish." "I don't care about myself." "I got food issues, self-Worth issues." "I'm a mess." "But what you said... well, if you feel that way about me, maybe I can feel that way about me, too." "You're never gonna change." "I am, I swear." "When I was in the hospital, they had a nutritionist." "They put together a diet for me, and I'm going to stick with it." "No, you won't." "I know you, frank." "You can't go more than two days without eating a cake, or a pie, or some landmass." "Five-thousand bucks says I can go two days." "Just put the money in my hand right now." "You're weak, frank." "Nah, nah." "This is a new frank." "I believe in me." "I'm strong." "Five-thousand bucks?" "That's right." "You're on." "And it's not like I don't believe you, but I'm going out right now and spend every cent of it." "Hey, just so we're straight." "The two days started this morning, right?" "You're pathetic." "Oh, and one more thing-- the next time you feel like you're having a heart attack, do us all a favor--fart." "You know what the big problem is of fooling around?" "You mean, like, when your girlfriend comes over and talks to your wife?" "Okay, so there's two problems." "What's the other one?" "Well, it's just the lying, man." "It's the sheer volume of lying." "I mean, husbands lie to their wives." "We all do that." "That's an American tradition." "Throw the girlfriend into the mix, man, it's like an Olympic event-- lies here, lies there." "You gotta be a detail freak to keep track." "Wait a minute." "First of all, everybody does not lie." "I never lie to my wife." "Okay." "I never lie to you, either." "Mm-Hmm." "So, everything's fine at home?" "Yeah." "Right." "What are you gettin' at?" "You're lying to me right now, man." "You're wearing the same clothes you had on yesterday." "There's no way Adina lets you out wearing the same clothes two days in a row, okay?" "Okay, gentlemen." "Sorry for the wait." "I checked the log, and yes, indeedy," "Mr. Waxman's name is here." "And I know because I was on duty that day, and golly gosh, did he give me trouble." "Golly gosh, what did he say?" "He said he only needed the van for two or three hours, but I had to charge the half-day rate." "Is the van here?" "You bet." "I'll get the keys." "Okay." "Clump of dirt." "Flat on one side where it came off the shovel." "Well, I know two things." "One, it doesn't look good for Mrs. Waxman, and two, you didn't go home last night, did you?" "Oh." "Mr. Waxman, you rented a van from American van loaders on the 15th." "So?" "So, the doorman downstairs, he says that he helped you load a really big box in the van." "What was inside the box?" "Towels." "What?" "Towels?" "You got a problem with towels?" "Only if the towels were your wife." "O.J. Didn't talk, I'm not talking." "What does that mean?" "It means that-- hello, dad?" "What?" "Excuse me." "Dad, don't say anything." "Here's my legal eagle." "I want my pudding--roger." "It was towels." "You don't scare me." "Okay, dad, go to the kitchen." "That's where I'm going." "Hi." "Roger Waxman." "Hello." "Careful--a little skiing accident last weekend." "Mr. Waxman, we're trying to find your mother." "Well, I appreciate that." "I'm a partner at shrek, Waxman, Davis, and Cline." "From this point on, don't talk to my father." "You talk to me, okay?" "Waxman's company is over in queens." "You think he dumped her there?" "I don't know." "We could give it a shot." "Yeah?" "It's me." "How you doing?" "Not so good." "I went to your house yesterday, but nobody was home." "Look, honey." "Honey!" "Do you call your wife honey, too?" "I'll ask her that when I see her later today." "Toni." "Bye." "Toni?" "Ahh." "What's up?" "She's going to my house." "Is your wife there?" "She's still at her mother's, but she keeps calling me." "I gotta come up with something besides this bomb scare." "It's not working." "I don't know--radon?" "Sure you haven't tried that yet?" "I don't know." "Let me think." "No." "This rain's gonna wash away any evidence." "You were right, you know." "About what?" "My clothes yesterday-- --I didn't go home." "I lied." "I knew it." "What's up?" "This woman from my past." "She sent me a note with her phone number, and somehow, Adina found it." "Now she's freezing me out." "I'm completely innocent, but she says I'm guilty 'cause I never told her about this woman." "Who is she?" "Sylvia." "I knew her when I was a kid--really hot." "I always wondered what it would be like to be with her, you know, sex-wise." "She wanted to, but I guess I was too much of a gentleman." "How old were you?" "Oh, 17." "Seventeen, man." "At 17, you hump anything, you know--furniture, pillows, wood paneling." "That's the way it's supposed to be." "Seventeen--those were the days, brother." "Where were you?" "You know what really gets me?" "I didn't do anything." "She's accusing me of doing something." "Oh... man, it makes me mad!" "Yeah, because you're getting squat at both ends." "When they accuse me of doing something, nine times out of ten, I've been doing it, and I've been doing it for a really long time." "Hey, frank, what you got there?" "Half a chicken breast and some green beans." "Well, that's a good, healthy meal." "Yeah." "God, count your fingers, frank." "You might be missing a few." "I'm done." "How can I be done?" "!" "I can't live like this!" "I need food." "Where's the food?" "Well, there's a bean on the floor, if that helps." "That's not a bean." "It's a piece of lint." "I tried to eat it yesterday." "Oh, my god." "A sandwich --Anything!" "Tire tracks." "Bingo." "Ah." "I'll call the crime-scene guys." "Yeah." "You okay, here?" "Yeah, why?" "I gotta go home, man." "I got a busted water pipe." "I gotta take care of it." "All right." "All right, I'll see you." "All right." "Hey, let me give you a little piece of advice." "That thing you talked about before, the Sylvia thing-- don't get involved with her." "Who says I'm getting involved?" "Look, I know what you're going through." "I've been through it myself." "Your old lady's giving you a hard time, and, you know, you're starting to think of other options." "No, I'm not." "All right, look, if I had everything to do over again-- and I'm such an idiot, I'd probably do it the same way with Toni and everything, but I would hope I wouldn't." "So, just take my advice." "Don't be that guy." "Look who you're talking to here, huh?" "I'm not that guy, okay?" "All right." "Okay, tomorrow." "See you." "By the way, tell Sylvia I said hello." "Yeah?" "Hi, it's me." "Um, I'm home." "My mother was driving me crazy, Mike." "I left the kids there, and I just needed a little break." "So, I'm gonna do a couple loads of laundry, and have a couple glasses of wine." "What about the whole bomb thing I told you?" "You told me the bomb squad was coming yesterday." "I assume they checked everything out and it's fine." "No, no, no." "It was inconclusive." "They gotta do another sweep." "What?" "They brought the wrong dog." "They brought the drug-Sniffing dog instead of the bomb-sniffing dog." "Mike, this is all beginning to sound just a little crazy, okay?" "There's someone at the door." "Who?" "I gotta go." "What?" "Bye." "Wait." "Wait." "Ahh!" "?" "I see trees of green?" "?" "red roses, too?" "?" "I see them bloom?" "?" "for me and you and I say to myself?" "? "what a wonderful world"?" "?" "I see skies of blue and clouds of white?" "?" "the bright, sunny days the dark, sacred nights?" "?" "and I think to myself "what a wonderful world"?" "?" "the colors of the rainbow are so pretty in the skies?" "?" "are also on the faces of people walking by?" "?" "I see friends shaking hands saying, "how do you do?"?" "?" "They're really saying "I love you"?" "?" "I see babies cry?" "?" "while I watch them grow?" "?" "they'll learn much more than I'll ever know?" "?" "and I think to myself "what a wonderful world"?" "?" "yes, I think to myself "what a wonderful world"?" "?" "wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-rld?" "?" "wo-o-o-o-o-o-rld?" "?" "and I say to myself?" "? "what a wonderful world"?" "?" "wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-rld?" "hello?" "Hello?" "I saw your wife." "But she didn't see me." "What?" "When I got to your house, I heard talking, so I looked in a side window." "And I decided not to bother your wife 'cause she was busy." "What are you talking about?" "I saw her, mike..." "Kissing another man." "So, your wife's got somebody." "Why don't you come to my place where you belong?" "I'll talk to you about this tomorrow." "I love you, mike." "Hi." "Hi." "Who was that?" "The person that's been calling and hanging up." "I thought you were gonna have that traced." "Working on it." "So, uh, what'd you do tonight?" "Laundry, wine--more wine than laundry, actually." "Anybody, uh... drop by?" "No." "Nobody." "Are you coming to bed?" "I'll be up in a little bit." "Okay." "Hey, I'm eatin' here!"