" Hey, babe!" " Hey, babe." " How are ya?" " Good, how'd it go?" " It was fine." "Boring, you know?" "Not very exciting, but it was good." "So..." "What's this thing you texted me about?" " I don't wanna tell you." " What happened?" " Okay, fine, I'm gonna admit it, I'm gonna admit it." " You're gonna admit it?" " Yeah." "Okay, I came home, here home." " Here home, uh huh." " I took a shower, and then for some reason I threw the towel over the lamp." " Yeah?" "Hi." " Hi." "So I threw the towel over the lamp." " I heard ya." " And then I ordered some food and I ate and I guess I fell asleep watching TV." "So when I wake up..." " What happens when you wake up, babe?" " The lamp and the towel on fire." "I swear to God, I mean there is smoke everywhere, the fire alarm is going off in the building, the fire department come." "Everyone's evacuated to the street." " What the " " I mean people in robes, women with pimple cream on their face, babies crying and they're super pissed off 'cause it's freezing cold, and I know that they know that I did it because this" "super hot fireman is talking to me making me look all guilty and shit." " Sexy fireman making you feel guilty?" " Yeah, it was awful, I wanted to die." "I'm sorry about your lamp, it was so pretty." " Thanks, babe." " Yup." " Let me ask you, why are you always at my place when I'm not here, huh?" "Your spot's where it's at, stop fucking with my building, babe." " I love it here, it's all cozy and it smells like you." " Yeah?" "It does smell like me." " It does." " For sure." "Oh man..." " So I was thinking..." " What were you thinking?" " That maybe we should live together." " David." "David!" "You were saying?" " What..." "Nice!" "It's nice in here." "Calming, it's very..." "Very calming, I like it." "I like the brick." "Much better than the other thing at the other place." " Yeah, I'm happy with it." " Awesome, that's good." "How about them Knicks?" "Unbelievable, huh?" "It's crazy, right?" "Have you seen any of their games recently?" " No, no, I like tennis." " I got nothing, I really don't, and I'm thirsty, so I'm gonna run down and grab something to drink, you want a Coke, anything?" " David, we really shouldn't interrupt the session, there's water in the cooler." " I wasn't actually thinking of water." " Well I can have my assistant go down and get you something " " How about that bottle of bourbon right there calling my name, how about we crack that baby boy open, huh?" " Come on." " Okay, okay, right, sorry." "So where were we?" " Well I had asked you " " Our hour's almost up, right, you must have new thoughts, insights, right?" "I like it better when you talk more than me." "So what's your call, Sean, crazy or not crazy?" "Not crazy, right?" " Actually, you walked in ten minutes ago." "I asked you a question nine minutes ago, and you just sat there silent for those nine minutes and then you made a comment about my brick wall, so yeah, maybe a little crazy." "Why don't you tell me what happened to you?" " I gotta take these." "So ass beatings aside, you know what really eats my fucking lunch?" "People making their baggage my news," "Jen does that shit when she doesn't have strange cock in her mouth." "You said you wanna know what's up this time, so let me lay it out." " You going to yoga today?" " Yeah, I have it at 11, what about you?" "What are you doing today?" " I got a shoot, just one." "All right, bagels?" "I love how excited you get over bagels." "All right." " Everything with cream cheese." " I know, babe." " Bye." " Bye." "Forgot my phone." "Shit, where'd I leave it?" "Jen?" "Have you seen my, have you seen my phone anywhere?" " No." " No?" "Oh my God." "Are you serious?" "What are you thinking, what are you doing, huh?" " I wasn't doing anything." " You weren't doing anything?" "No?" "You're going through my phone, why would you do that?" " I was just using yours to look something up real quick, David." " Was that all you were doing?" "Yeah?" " Give me a break." " Hey, hey, stay away from my shit," "I don't fuck with yours!" " I wasn't in your shit!" "Jesus, you're such a fucking crybaby," "I can't even talk to you anymore." "all you can do is find other people's shit to go through, huh?" " Fuck yourself!" " Good, good good, I will, one less fucking thing for you to do, where's my fucking camera?" " Don't be here when I get back, fucking asshole!" " Don't worry, I won't be!" "Who are you talking about?" "She doesn't do anything with Sophie, she's a jackhammer, Chris." " I know, but I mean she's been like that since you met her, what " " She's a child, dude." "That's what she is." "She talked shit about what I read meanwhile she carries an US Weekly with her everywhere she goes." " I hear you, I hear you." " And she can do and say just enough to injure you where you can still walk, but with a limp, you know what I'm saying, man?" " No, I know, I know." " Fucking sick of it, dude." "Sick of it, you hear me?" "I don't know what's gotten into her." "I really don't." "She's got no reason to suspect anything and there she is digging through my shit." " I know, but I mean..." "David?" "Hey, you there?" "David?" "She'll be back, just use the time to lay your words out nice and tight." "You turn into a fucking human speech impediment around her sometimes." " Yeah, yes, what?" "!" " David!" "They've been trying you at the offices, they've been trying your phone," "I've been trying your phone." " Trisha, I'm telling you right now" "I can't deal with one of your fucking rants, seriously, not right now." " Your interview, you big baby, Flair Magazine!" "God, I knew you'd forget!" "You left him waiting for over an " " I'm having a fucking crisis here, okay?" "!" "A crisis of conscience, of fucking indignity!" " Get back to the hotel at six tonight, he'll be there." "Get this right, David." " Fine, fine, hey, Trisha, hold on." "Have him meet me at the bar instead, okay?" " Okay, listen, mention me when you talk about the exhibit!" " Goodbye, goodbye, Trisha." "Excuse me." "It's amazing what you pick up when you look at things this way." "When you look at things in stereo." "See everything, see the whole mix." "Like the car stereo test musicians do after recording an album." "They hear it in a new way." "Get outside the little bubble you've created for yourself." "You notice little thing you've never noticed before." "Look at her in those heels." "Half the thrill of this is the hope of actually discovering an infidelity." "Having something to whore over this infant I'm hoping will provide a one sided satisfaction in this deeply unsatisfying relationship." "My uncle Carlo was a private eye." "Told me the best way to successfully follow someone you know without being discovered." "Simple." "Correctly guess their destination, and then get there first." "Except she's totally unpredictable," "I fucking love that about her." "And who knows from common sense." "You know what I'm saying?" " Hey, man." " Hey." "It's cool." "She just walked in and said she had to..." "Clear her head and shit." "You know how she gets." " Good, man, good, okay." "You okay?" " Yeah, yeah yeah, I am now, definitely." "Thank you for..." "For talking earlier." "I was just a little nuts." "I'll call you later." "Thanks." " No, don't thank me." "You don't have to thank me for talking to you, man." " I know, I just..." "You know what I mean." "All right, man." " All right." "We'll talk later." "(jazz music0" " Everyone has their thing." "None of us is perfect." "We're all fucked up, you know?" "I mean we're all severely fucked up." "Lisa, you ever read a book called Blameless?" " No, what's it about?" " American can't stop bitching about their freedoms, right?" "Give us back our freedoms and what not." "So our government says all right, that's a wrap, shuts down, goes home, peace out, have your fucking freedom back, assholes, and watch what happens." "It's a pig fuck." "Everyone starts bitching they need their government again." " Grass is always greener, right?" " Yeah, something like that." "What time is it?" "Three o'clock." "Back in the day as a kid?" "That was the best, right?" "Remember that feeling?" "Bell rings, school was out." "Hang out with your boys, make out with your girl." "Everything was so uncomplicated back then." "I miss that, I really really do." " He's an asshole, what can I say?" " How do you deal with it?" " Dude, I've got much hidden, you know my fucking wife's texting me everywhere I go." " What?" "Why is " " No, see, I'm thinking it's something like P.I. shit too, right?" " Wait a minute, wait a minute." "You think she's " " Yeah, I think she's got somebody, yeah, she's got..." " Why?" " What the fuck?" "Thank you." "Hey, come on!" "Point your camera somewhere else, guy, all right?" " Sorry, sorry, I was just taking " " No, I got your number, shit-head!" "Okay, you can go back and tell my wife there's nothing wrong with two guys having a drink in the afternoon, okay?" "!" "Fucking douchebag." " By wrong you mean gay?" "Come on, let it fly, man, let it fly." " Are you playing with me, asshole?" " Relax, take it easy, I'm not, you think I'm tailing you, I'm not." "I'm really not, honestly." "I mean he may be tailing ya, but I'm not." " What?" "!" "What, 'cause I wear cologne, I'm a fag?" "Is that it?" " I did not say that!" " Yeah yeah yeah, whatever." " No no no, now just shut up for a second, yeah, is it because I'm here with this well dressed man?" "You said plenty, friend." " Okay, you know what, I don't know what just happened here, I really don't, but have another one on me, okay?" "All right, truce?" "We're gonna be friends today, good." "What are they drinking?" " Cosmopolitans." " I don't know why you can't just, you know what I'm saying, be yourself, right?" " What did you say?" "!" "Hey, hey hey!" " Ah, fuck!" " Okay, so that explains a few things." "'Cause you mouthed off, you took a beating." "Why do you think you did that?" " I don't know." " You think that she's cheating on you?" " I know she is." "I'm positive of it." "I'm also into this new photography project." "Everything else I do is shit, this might be too, but I'm into it regardless of my own personal safety net withstanding." " You wanna talk about that?" " You still love your wife?" " Yes I do." " Honestly?" " Oh, you mean honestly." "Then no." " I'm saying one person can never satisfy all the needs, impulses, whatever you wanna call them of another at any given time." " Well these things go in..." " Yeah yeah yeah, I get it, everything goes through its phases, its cycles," "I get that, I do." "Early in a thing, it's fun, sexy, hot, right?" "Then later it's cozy." "But then what happens when you go through a phase of wanting something new, what happens then?" " Like I said, David " " It's too much!" "It's too much for one person, too much responsibility, it is." "And I get bored too fucking easy, Sean." " What does that tell you?" " What does that tell me?" "Nothing." "Nothing new." "Everything gets boring eventually, that's what it tells me." " Okay, come on, what else?" " You come on." " Come on!" " You come on, you come on, just tell me what to do, Sean!" "Can you do that for me please?" "I'm asking you, just tell me what to do, say the one thing out loud that" "I should do, how hard is that " " Well for one, David, that's not my job." "But to your point, yes, people do change, but that doesn't mean that suddenly the person you're with is no longer right for you, I " " How old are you now, Sean?" " I'm 51." " 51, and you got married in your mid-twenties, right?" " Sure, when I was 26." " And you had kids right away?" " Yeah, but you're not " " You were ready for all that at 26, were you?" " Look, I don't think anyone's ready " " You were manipulated into it just a little bit, right?" "Seriously." " I don't think manipulation is the right word," "I ask the questions, all right?" " All right." " But in fairness, your environment does influence your decisions to a degree." "Listen, people want answers now." "Now now now, like you." " Right, I pay you for that, answers, 'cause I tend to make more questions for myself than anything." " Well let's talk about that." "You say she's cheating on you." "What question does that pose?" "Question of why perhaps?" " Why him?" " What are you doing?" " Clean sheets." "You gonna stay here?" "It's early." " Chris, no, I'm not staying, relax." "Hey, man." " Hey, it's cool." "She just walked in, said she had to..." "Clear her head and shit." "You know how she gets." " Good, man, good, okay." "You okay?" " Yeah, yeah yeah, I am now." "Definitely, thank you for..." "For talking earlier." "I was just a little nuts." "Anyway, thanks." " No, don't thank me." "You don't have to thank me for talking to you, man." " I know, I just..." "You know what I mean." "All right, man." " All right." "We'll talk later." " Was that..." " Your boyfriend." "Yes it was." " Your best friend?" "Oh man, that is fucked up." "Listen, it's a bad beat, man." "It is a bad beat, she's just not right for you." "David, would you please put that cigarette out?" " There's this story or fable, whatever it is, anyway, cold and rainy night, guy's walking alone down the street drenched, shivering, miserable, he walks by this house, sees this warm glow" "coming from inside, a nice fireplace, all these couples and they're having a nice dinner party." "Guy thinking man, that looks so nice." "I wish I was in there with someone special." "Only all the guys inside are going where's my jacket, I gotta get the fuck out of here." " That's funny." " The worst part about all this, Sean, is knowing 'cause they didn't need to know." "I mean this is probably gonna go nowhere anyway, but now, see now," "I know she's been fucking my best friend, then coming home to me and chilling on my nice mattress that I bought for her." "I love that mattress, Sean, and now" "I gotta move out and I don't wanna move that fucking thing much as I love it, it's a fifth floor walk up with a busted ass freight elevator." " You'll get new furniture, David." " And you know what makes me wanna rip my fucking face off?" "!" "I never even loved her." "I didn't, but this time, this time I said" "I'm gonna be the good boyfriend, do it right." "But this happened, I jumped into this right after Brenda." "Brenda." " Yes?" " I ran into her today." " You ran into Brenda where?" " Just now, across the street." "She's working a job nearby." "She's so talented, I love that about her." "She's amazing." " Well the thing was Brenda was you felt that she was trying to take you apart little by little." " Yeah, yeah, less time for me, for what I wanted, so I bailed." "I freaked out." "Now with this one I'm popping" "Valium like they're breath mints." " What?" "Wait, I didn't give you, I didn't give you Valium, David!" " How does anybody stay together, Sean?" "Tell me that." " Look, it's a process." "There's this thing that changes in each of us when the time is right." "And it's work, commitment, and conscious choice, that is my partner." "Only way to know if it's right is if you're both 90 years old and you're still together." " Sounds like a party." "Anyway, I gotta go." "Meeting the prick for drinks." " What, you're meeting Chris for drinks?" " Yeah yeah, I have an interview, and then he's meeting me after." " Well then clearly you're not as affected by this as you've been letting on." " Oh no no, I'm affected." "I'm just gonna have a little fun with it while I can." " You can face him?" " Sean, I've known the guy 30 years," "I've known Jen a little less than a year." "Even if he is a total piece of shit," "I'm not lighting up a lifelong friendship over her." "Out of sheer spite, I won't do it, it's not gonna happen." " David, you take it easy, okay?" " Yup, yup, I know, you gotta roll with it, it's a process, I get it, Sean." "I..." "I might call you later if I find my girlfriend with another man's cock in her ass, I might need to talk, if you know what I'm saying." " Yeah, I know what you're saying." " Awesome, thanks, Sean!" " Thank you, David, you take it easy now." " You too!" "Hey, 7:30, you still on?" " Yeah, where are you now?" "I was just thinking I might..." "I might have to bail." " Leave instructions, I need a drink with a friend." " Yeah, all right, okay, man, I'll..." "I'll see you there." " What did he say?" "Are you gonna do something with him?" " Yeah, I am, look, would you..." "Just do me a favor?" "Don't be here while I'm with him, it just puts me on edge." " I'm leaving in a few minutes, Chris, don't be such a woman." " Your early work has been more portraiture, more investigative, is that a fair statement?" " You know, to be honest, up to now there's been nothing remotely overwhelming or untrotted or even gratifying for that matter about my work." "I fucking hate it." "It's advertising, it sucks." "This stuff though, that I'm into now, is something I thought up very recently." "It's still in progress." "You know, you caught me at a really weird time where pretty much everything annoys me, so my hope is that the stuff I'm doing now is deliberate and visceral, something real and raw and honest, not faked" "and photoshopped and a lie." "A big lie." " So what's the new work?" " I fuck with people." "Provoke them in any number of ways until it pisses them off enough and then I shoot whatever comes up, whatever it is." "Sometimes it's an argument, sometimes" "I get my ass beat, you never know." "Somehow put together though, I think it'll make a nice, cohesive sum from its random parts." "I hope." " Yeah." " Man, whatever, if that doesn't grab you, come anyway." "Free booze, right?" " So what happened to your face?" " Come to the show, one of my faves." " [Voiceover} All right." " Thanks so much, man." "Hey, what's up, chris." " Thank you, we'll be in touch." " Thanks so much, man!" " What's going on?" " Oh, yeah." " You like blowing yourself up every couple of years, don't you?" " Yeah, yeah..." " Jesus, look at you." " You know what I was thinking about today?" "Remember 4th grade?" "Ms. Vega's class?" "You and I were always the first ones to get our assignments done." " Yeah, yeah, and we'd go up to her desk " " To her desk, yeah yeah yeah, give the assignments for Tuesday, Wednesday, the whole week." " Yeah, by Wednesday we'd be done with the whole week and just fucked off all day." " Yeah, right." "You couldn't stand it anytime" "I beat you, remember that?" " I remember that." "You couldn't either though." " A long time ago." " So..." "Who put it to you?" " Some wildflowers I ran into earlier, no big deal." " What happened?" " What happened?" "I felt like fucking with someone and I got dealt with, Chris, that's what happened." " What are you doing?" " What do you mean?" " A shrink?" "Memory lane?" "Getting lit and picking fights, what's going on?" "You're about to have a fucking exhibition of your work." "Doing interviews." "Things are good." " Yeah, they are." " All right, whatever." "You're fucked up." "And I gotta piss." " All right, I'll be here." " God!" "Motherfucker!" "Gah..." "So..." " The fuck happened to you?" " I slipped." "I caught the sink on the way down." " Yeah, I slipped too." " Anyway, what else?" "How's Jen?" " You know." " Know what, I mean..." "I know what you told me." " Going through my shit, what's that about?" " Yeah, it's grounds for termination right there." " It's the shit people do when they don't actually trust themselves, you know?" " Yeah, yeah, it might be." " Yeah, you know, maybe" "I should go looking through her shit, not like I don't have reason to, right?" " Yeah." "You know..." "Don't go into her level, I mean..." "She's the one to blame, you don't wanna go down digging in the dirt with her, do you?" " Yeah." "Yeah, you're right, maybe I won't." "Maybe I will." "Who knows, we'll see." " Yeah, it is what it is, you know?" "I mean she brought this on herself, right?" "She made her bed." "She's gotta lie in it." " Wow, you burning through cliches these days, Chris?" " Well at the end of the day, when it's all said and done, and the dust settles..." " A rose by any other name." " When life gives you lemons..." " Let the chips fall where they may." "Officer, can I ask you a question?" " What's up?" " There's always, every time I go to Penn Station there's guys out there with assault rifles, AK-47s, police officers, don't you think " " What are you talking about, who's, where?" " Police officers outside of Penn Station, don't you think that's a big much with AK-47s in this day and age?" " What, are you making a joke..." "I'm gonna kill you for making me run, come here!" " Shit." "Hey." " What's up?" " Hang tight." "Just hold tight one second." " What's going on?" " Shit!" "All right, I'm gonna need ya to bail me out." "Sorry, Officer." " Don't move, don't move." " Sorry, sorry," "I'm not moving, sorry about that." " In the back." " In the back, in the back, in the back, in the back of this." "Ow!" "Okay, gentle, gentle, gentle, man!" "Fucking took long enough." " You fucking kidding me?" " What?" " Assaulting a police officer?" "You should be in here 'till next year." " Whatever." " You're lucky you know me, you fucking maniac." " Got the shot, bro." "All that matters." " Yeah!" " All right, man, I'm out." "You all right?" " Yeah, I'm good man, definitely." " You sure?" "Slow down, man, you're on tilt." "See you soon." " Sounds good." " Hey." "Jesus, David, what " " I'm fine." "I'm fine, don't touch me please." "Go back to sleep." " What " " Just go, Jen." "Go back to sleep." " I can't sleep now, look at you." " I'm fine." " Sorry." "I fucked up." "I invaded your privacy and I'll never do it again, I promise." "Just please don't leave me." " It's just one of those things, you know?" "I mean the writers are sweethearts, but even the sweetest writers in" "Hollywood can be bitter, spineless, jealous children." "I was just trying to make it better." " I thought you did." " Thank you." "I know it was a dumb TV show." "They aren't saving the world or anything, there are more important things than..." "Bad dialogue and stupid story lines." "I just was too vocal about my opinions and rather than take constructive criticism they just decided to shut the new girl out." "I'm fine, right?" " You're better than fine, you're brilliant!" " Thanks." "These people take these things way too seriously, who's that?" "She new?" " Yeah, Paula." "She's on Across Time." "It's not a bad show actually." " Is she going up?" " Yeah." "Anyway, I mean you, you could develop something for yourself now probably, right?" "I mean that really is the benefit of having had your own show." "Walk into any network and get something going." " Yeah, yeah, well you know, I get offers all the time, you know?" "And interviews with NBC, Fox, CBS, everything, I just, there's not really that much I'm interested in." "Is she going up now?" " I think so." " I don't want you think I'm being..." "I don't know, it's just..." "You're the only person I've ever known that can inspire me and make my skin crawl in the same 60 seconds." "I don't know how you do it." " Hello?" " Hey Brenda, how ya doing?" "Listen, I gotta take back the place." " What?" "!" "Sorry." " Yeah, well I told you you can have it until the owners decided they wanted to do something with it, and they decided." "Sorry, kid." " No no, wait, you said that would probably never happen." " That's why I said probably, see?" " Oh my God, this is the worst." "You're just kicking me out!" " End of the month." "Oh, listen, I gotta go, okay?" "I'll call you later." " Fuck me." " I don't know how that's possible, but..." "You can do that." "And I don't know why I can't cut loose from you." "Don't you see?" "That every time you look at me I cringe." "And every time you walk away from me, I chase you and I will fucking kill your family!" "And I will dance on their corpses!" "Would that even elicit the slightest reaction from you, you heartless swine?" "!" " Hey, Laurie?" "I need you, can you meet me?" "Yeah, yeah, could you just meet me at Rona in like an hour?" "Okay, thanks." "How's your day going?" "Hey, could I get a waitress over here, the service takes forever." "Thank you." "Give it to me." " Don't bark orders." " Give it to me." " Hey!" "Let me preface this by telling you a little something so you just don't blurt out the hurtful shit you love to say, okay?" " Preface away, John." " Now you have to understand something," "I brought you the talk show host gig, you flicked a lit cigarette at me." " Oh come on, you know better to have bring me that mess." " I should have fucking known better." " That's right, you should know better, what'd you think I was gonna do?" " Hi, could I have another chai tea latte please?" "Thank you, you're great, and whatever this viper wants." " Just a coffee please." " Excuse me." "You're a very attractive young lady, you're an actress perhaps?" " Yeah, yes, I am, why?" " Just permit me to do this a sec." "I'm sorry, what's your name?" " Marnie." " Marnie!" "Oh wow, if ever a name begged to be up in lights, it's Marnie." "Okay, so Marnie, you're a struggling young actress, and I come to you with an offer to host a network television show of some kind, a dating show, say a competition dating show." " Uh huh." " Would you take that job?" " Are you offering me a job?" " No." " Are you offering to be my agent?" " No, I'm just posing a hypothetical, okay, thank you, Marnie, thank you very much, that's nice." " That was good." "How'd that feel?" " Yeah, she reminded me of you when I first laid eyes." "Okay, so now just, can you listen to me for a second, I've got a bone to pick with you." " I don't care." "I really don't care, I'm already in a really pissy mood, and all" "I hear from you is I can't," "I can't, I can't, I can't, do your fucking job!" "I need my career back, for Christ's sake!" "I don't know, maybe we need to rethink our approach, or " " I'm trying to get you to rethink your approach." " No no no, I will not host a fucking reality TV show, that shit come in, I don't care what it pays, do not tell me about it!" "It is career suicide, John, and you know that." " No it's not, Brenda!" "You wanna know what's suicide?" "Your fucking drinking and your..." "Your fucking tardiness and your mouthy bullshit, oh, and enlightening the show-runner about his lack of personal hygiene in front of everyone was just beautiful, pumpkin!" "You know what, I am fucking tired of this conversation!" " No no no, do your job!" "Do your job." "I did good for that show, and I did good for that cocksucker, and you know it!" " Good, yeah, that's real good, Brenda." "Let me just explain something else to you, okay, sweetie?" "You are not that good, okay?" "Jesus Christ, you're a dime a dozen to everyone else but yourself, what else do you need to get that through your head?" "!" " Okay, Jesus, take your fucking pills." " I don't take pills!" " Marnie?" " Yes?" " Hi, have you ever been with a star of a hit TV show?" " Really?" " No." " No?" "No." " Bitch." " What's the point?" " You know what, just shut up, just shut up, just show me what we got." " Here." " The CW." "I'm way too fucking tall, I'm way too fucking old, the CW?" " This is what's coming in for you, that is what " " Oh my God, John, I just wanna quit these attempts at some type of creative career." " What creative lighting?" "I'm an agent!" " Yeah, who am I talking to?" "My friend is here, so you have to go." " Okay, thank you very much, Debra Winger." "I will see you soon." " Work harder." " All right, sweetheart, I love you." " Love you." " Hi, how are you?" " Hi." " What's up, you had me all worried." " Yeah..." " Oh my God, I knew I recognized you, holy shit!" "Brenda Schiffer, I served you coffee and called you a bitch, isn't that fucked up?" "!" "But I gotta tell you I loved you on The Small Things, it was my favorite show." "And I can't believe they did that to you in the finale." "I mean I get it, it was a great episode and everything, but you were my favorite one." "I mean I get that it was a story arc and all that, but why you, do you know what I'm saying?" " Why me indeed." " Yeah, exactly, I mean they're always killing off the bitch first and it's so predictable, I'm like..." " So we're having a conversation, so..." " Oh, oh, oh my gosh, duh, I'm sorry." "Would you mind if I just grabbed a quick pic?" " Yeah, sure, just come on down." " Say bitches got first!" " What?" " Thank you so much." " Yup, you got it." " You still got it " "Shut up, shut up." "Okay, so I don't know what I'm gonna do." "Kevin's kicking me out." " What?" " Yeah, he pulled a favor for me at that place, so I gotta be out in two weeks." "Can I stay with you?" "I won't stay long." " Shit." "Listen, I would love that, but it's been three months since Paul moved in, do you really wanna be in there on the couch with us?" "Coupling and stuff?" " No, I don't." "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening to me." " Can't you stay with Edward?" " Oh my God, are you kidding?" "Do you remember how well that worked out for me last time?" " Wait, come on, this is temporary." "You went full on nutty with David." ""Hey, let's move in together,"" "this isn't that." "Edward's cool." " Yeah." "See, the problem is that if" "I ask him, he's gonna say yes." "How fucked up am I?" "Don't answer that." "And I have to go end this perfect day on a shitty audition, so I'm gonna go." " Okay, hi, Brenda." " Hey." " How you doing?" " Living the dream." " Great, love it!" "We think you're wonderful, really." " Thank you." " All right, so let's try out number two there on your pages first." "Okay, then we'll go on to number five." "And slate please." " Hi, my name is Brenda Schiffer." " And profile." "Whenever you're ready." " Okay, let's just look at this, blah blah blah blah, dog shit, bullshit, let's just knock this out, geniuses." " What the fuck, right?" " Unfortunately, most people who have genital herpes do not realize it because they never have symptoms." "Or they do not recognize any symptoms they may presently have." "Symptoms may differ in each person, and when a person becomes infected with herpes for the first time, the symptoms will usually appear within 10 days." "Continue?" " Yes, the entire copy please." " Uh huh, may I ask why?" " We just need more." "Is something wrong?" " Nope, nope, just don't know why you need the whole copy read, that's all, but okay." "These first episodes of symptoms generally last two to three weeks." "Early symptoms of a genital herpes outbreak include..." "Oh fuck me!" " What is it now, Ms. Schiffer?" " Nothing, I'm fine." "Okay, here we go!" "Itching or burning feeling in the genital or anal area, pain in the legs, buttocks, or genital area, discharge of fluid in the vagina, feeling of..." "Feeling of..." "Honestly?" "Does this fit in a 30 second ad?" " Move on." "It's a commercial, Ray, not fucking Shakespeare." " Okay, move on to number five now, Brenda." "Please do it." " Jesus Christ." "Whenever you're ready!" " Hi!" " Hey." " Brenda..." " I'm sorry." " I'm sorry." " Are you okay?" "Are you all right?" " Yeah, God, hi." " Hi, hi." "How are ya, you okay?" " A rough, rough day." " I'm sorry, that sucks." " It's okay." "God, I haven't seen you since..." " I don't know, since Chris' birthday" "I guess, like seven or eight months, its been awhile." " What happened to your face?" " Well you know, I stuck my nose in someone else's business." "Defending the honor of a lady in distress though, then pow, sucker punch outta nowhere, just..." " Wow, that chivalry." " Yeah, big time, big time." "I love your show by the way," "I do, it's awesome, I listen to it every week." " Thanks, it's..." "It's all right." " So can I, can I see you?" "Can I take these off?" "You look great." " Thanks." " So you good?" "Other than spontaneous crying on a cold, dreary day?" " Yeah, I'm fine." "Stupid." "How are you?" " I'm good, I'm good, yeah, I'm good." " How's Jennifer?" " Fucked up story." " A lot of fucked up stories going around." "Where you headed?" " A shrink." " Wow, wow." "Working it out, good for you." " Yeah, yeah." " All right, it's good seeing you." "Weird." "It's weird, but good." " Weird and good to see you too." "We should do it again sometime soon." " All right, bye." " Hey!" "I got a show going up finally." " Oh that's great!" " Trisha set it up." "You should come." " Yeah, sure." " Really, please come, I don't know what the fuck to expect." "I need some friendly faces, it would mean a lot if you came." " Yeah, you know, I'll come, just send an invite or whatever." " Oh, that's what this is, this is your invite right here and now," "I just officially invited you." " All right, well I'll come." "Wherever it is in the world, I'll be there." " Sorry, you mean with the time and place and all that, yeah, I'll e-mail you that." " Okay." " All right, good to see you." " You too!" " Here we go again everyone, this is No B.S. and I am your fearless leader Brenda Schiffer." "Great, now that we got that business out of the way, let's talk about..." "Let's talk about matters of the day, current events." "You know, fuck that, I wanna talk about me 'cause I can feel you out there." "Matter of fact, I can see you out there with all this social media, I mean the fucking social media, the Instagramming, the tweeting, the chirping, the annoying, tendering little shits that you are," "you know who you are, yes you!" "I had a day, man I had a day." "I hate young, tiny, talented little actresses in my acting class." "I found out today that I'm gonna get kicked out of my apartment in two weeks, and my best friend boned me out of staying with her because she's got this perfect little life and this perfectly moved in new boyfriend." "My agent can suck it!" "I had an amazing audition..." "For an STD commercial, and then to top it off I run into my ex-boyfriend who's doing great by the way and" "I weep on his shoulder." "Buckle up, motherfuckers, it's gonna be a bumpy ride." " It's not even a thing, don't worry about it." "I gotta get my luggage out of your storage dump before you completely move out of here." "Either way, you can stay with me as long as you need to." "What?" " No, it's..." "Oh my God, it's so nice of you." "I just..." "I'm just really surprised that you're not acting completely terrified that I asked you that." " Terrified?" "Come on." "I'm just saying don't make finding a place by the end of the month something to worry about, okay?" "You got one." " Okay." "Thank you." "But don't you think it's weird just because, I don't know, we haven't really been dating that long, that's all." " Yeah, well look, it's something that came up, right?" "I'm just saying you're covered if you get to the point where you're gonna be homeless, Brenda." "Jesus, I just stepped into some crazy, didn't I?" " No." " Hey, go get a hotel room," "I don't want you here!" " No, no!" " You're not staying with me." " You would never do that to me." " You're out on the street, forget it." " No, no..." " Oh great, yeah, now you wanna kiss me with cereal on your chin, huh?" " I thought maybe I'd bird-feed you." " Oh yeah, oh yeah." " Hey. this is David, leave a message." " Hey, it's Trisha." "Listen, a couple things." "For Friday, I want you to come to play 'cause I'm bringing some players." "And leave the self loathing pills at home please." "And also, would it fucking kill you not to wear those goddamn soccer shoes one night?" "Thank you!" "Also, yeah, let me know if you're gonna take that apartment, I gotta show the place if it's not gonna work out for you." "Yeah, the other thing, I was just at the gallery and the photos on the wall were not the photos we agreed on, my dear, so what the hell are these photos?" "Call me." " Hey, where are you?" "Did you have a shoot today?" "I wanted to take you to breakfast, call me back." "I wanted to talk to you, I know you're upset about the whole phone thing, babe." "I wanted to make it up to you." "I hope you're not..." "Anyway, also, where's the espresso machine?" "David, call me back." "Fuck!" "Fucker!" " You took that place just in time." "You all moved in?" " Not even close." " Of course." " By the way, the place is amazing, it's beautiful, but can I actually afford it, Trisha, honestly?" " It's in your range." "Barely." "Don't worry about it, I made a deal with the owner, I gave him a few pieces he likes." " Awesome, thank you." " After tonight though, you'll probably be able to afford it for a year." "Yeah, people are circling." "You really managed to poke everybody in the eye with this stuff," "David, so nice going." " Smoke and mirrors, Trisha." "Smoke and mirrors." " Right." " See how being an asshole to people did pay off." " Indeed." " About time I finally made you some money though, right?" " So..." "What'd she do?" "Tell me how you just up and left after a fight." " Well in her case, I was definitely not the asshole, not at all." " Huh." "Well you got the picture." "It's a great shot." " She's fucking somebody else." " What?" " Yeah, she's fucking somebody else." " David, she is an emotional eight year old, and you knew that going in, but she's young and she's hot, and you're a man." "No..." "She said she loves you." " Yeah." " Yeah, what are you gonna do?" " I am gonna drink, and then" "I'm gonna mingle for a little bit." " Right on." " Or maybe not, I'm not feeling very confident at the moment, sorta rattled, so maybe I'll just sit here." " God, honey, do you have any idea how many women in this room will go out with you tonight?" " How many?" " Ugh, I'm so bored." "Why do they serve wine at something like this?" "Just makes you wanna dance and have fun." "All there is to do is look at these pictures." "You look so funny in the one of you at the bar." "What's wrong?" " Why don't you spend some time with your boyfriend?" "Instead of acting like a sorority girl." "Mind your fucking distance." " Hi." " Hi." " Do you..." "Like the..." " The photography?" "Yeah, I do, I like the photography." " Do you?" "Hmmm." "I must say, I find the work to be very..." "Troubled." " You must say." "Troubled." "I think troubled's an understatement." " My name's Greg." " Brenda." " Brenda." "It's a sexy name." "Something funny?" " I'm sorry, no, I just..." "Do you come here often?" " Oh, I'm " " Sorry, I just always wanted to say that." "What do you do, Greg?" " Oh, I'm in a " " I have to go spy on someone." " Hi." " Yo." " What up?" " One hour." " You made it." " Oh my God, let's get out of here." " Go where?" " Come here, come here." "How much longer do I have to stand around and watch people talk about my work?" " Just a little while longer at least, David, please." " Okay." "Hey, oh my God, look at this." " The barb beating them off with a stick." " Yeah?" " Yeah." " I think my head might pop off my fucking neck, so catch it if it does, can you do that for me?" " Yeah, I'll catch your head." " Awesome." " Hey, how are you, it's been awhile." " Yeah." " How you doing?" " Good, yeah." " Hey." " Oh my God." " Hi." " Hi." " I didn't wanna interrupt, you know?" "I just wanted to say I'm proud of you, babe." "And I hope that we could talk about everything." " What's up?" " Hey, I think we're getting ready to go." " Getting ready to go where?" " We're going to dinner, right?" " Oh, I didn't know." " That's because I didn't invite ya, that's why you didn't know, and so don't make a scene please." " That's just fucking rude." " Hey, I " " Don't touch me, David." " Okay, okay, okay." " God, fuck you!" "Bullshit!" " She just cannot help herself, can she?" " You're not going after her?" " I'm not what?" " Not gonna go after her?" " I, Chris, why don't you go after her, why you even ask me that?" " Hey." " What?" " What the hell are you doing?" "We haven't hung out in awhile, why don't you just let her sober up, she'll be fine, okay?" " Yeah, perfect, I'm good." "Awesome, let's go have a good time." "Hey, Pam, how are ya." "You look beautiful by the way." " Well the hell is going on with you two?" "That's what I wanna know." " Comes and goes." "It's good to see you, babe." "You're like a lovely ray of moonlight." "Bouncing around in the dark, choppy fucking polluted shark infested waters of the Atlantic." " Wow!" " Hey." " What's up, bro?" "How are you?" " Let's go grab a drink." " Yeah, I'll be back in a couple minutes." " See, my best friend had an aunt in Hawaii, too." " Oh really?" " I'll be right back." "Hey." " I'm just sitting here thinking." " That's good." "I mean I didn't really ask you, but thank you for letting me know." "How are you, David?" " Ah, you know, my girlfriend's fucking my best friend, how are you, Brenda?" " What?" "!" "Are you " "Seriously, so good." " Thank you." " I'm sorry, what?" " Yeah." "I don't want, you know what, how about you?" "Let's not talk about me." "You got a boyfriend now, right?" " No, not at all." "" " You don't?" "Right." "Why didn't you bring him?" " I didn't want to, no..." "So Chris is fucking Jen?" " Yeah." " And you're just hanging out like everything's fine?" " You sound like my shrink now." " Wow." "And you and Jen are working it out?" " Does it look like we're working it out, Brenda?" " You just called her your girlfriend." " Did I?" " Yeah, you did." " No, no, we're not working it out." "Anyway, they don't know that I know what I know." "I think they suspect, but I'm gonna let it ride for a little bit, watch them squirm." " Oh my God." "That sounds fun." " What I did do is move the fuck out in record time." " You lived together." "Wow." " Yeah, but it wasn't..." "I'm sorry." " You don't have to be sorry, come on, that's ancient history, it's all good." "Speaking of which..." "My current living situation..." " Yeah?" " I have this amazing month to month great deal, except there's a slight chance that they might take it away from me." "And of course they took it away from me." " That sucks." " Yeah." " So where are you..." " I don't know, I don't know." "I may stay with Laurie." " Uh huh, Laurie." " I may have to ask the dude, but I really don't want to." "There's no way I'm gonna find a place before I have to move out, so I don't know." "I don't know." " Stay with me." " What?" "Excuse me?" " At my new, big, empty, lonely, fancy place." "Seriously, I have two extra rooms, it's huge." "Ask Trisha, she's the one that set it up for me." "I can't use all that fucking space," "I don't know what to do with it." "What's that?" "What, what's that look?" " No, no, I'm gonna stay with Laurie." "I think that's a better idea." " I'm saying move on, not just crash for awhile, make it your own." "Just pay whatever you paid at your old place." " David..." " Brenda." " What about all my stuff?" " Your stuff?" " Yeah." " Bring it, bring it, bring all that, I got nothing, literally nothing, it's like a luxury jail cell there." "Just, just come look at it." "No pressure." "Plus, I don't know, I..." "I miss the laughs we had." "Remember?" "We could use some laughs, right?" "Just come take a look at it." " When?" " Now." "Come on." "Right?" "Let's go." " I don't know if I trust you." " You don't trust me?" " I'll see you?" " Yes." " I'll see you, bye, bye you guys." " Hey man." "I'm proud of you, brother." " Thanks." " Bye." " Bye." " Nice to meet you." " Oh my God, I can't believe that fucking cocksucker." "Fucking dick." "So..." "All right, I'm leaving " " Fine fine fine, fine, shit, I'll, yes," "I will come and see your place." " Hey." " Hold on one second, do you mind?" "Thank you so much, thank you." "Oh my God." "Oh my God!" "What are you doing here?" " That's not what I wanted to hear, David," "I've been here over an hour." " I don't actually care what you want to hear, I really don't, so do me a favor, do me a favor, don't make a big deal, this " " You know what, don't touch me!" " All right, all right." " Brenda, what are you doing here?" "!" " I just came to see the house." " Listen to me, I'm asking you," "I'm trying to be nice, I am, I'm trying to be nice, just go home, okay?" "Just go home, you fucked up." " Oh I fucked up?" "!" " Yes, yes, you fucked up." " Jesus, I said I'm sorry, David!" " Shh, Jen, stop, okay?" "!" "We're done!" "Get in the fucking cab!" " No, we're not done!" "Listen to me, David, you're not breaking up with me!" "I had my reasons for getting upset and baby, I was drinking " " I don't care, okay, you can have your place, your wine, your fucking awful taste, your time." "You can have it all back!" "I don't want it!" "Just stay the fuck away from me!" " Don't fucking talk to me like that!" " Jen, you fucking child " " I'm not going " " Why are you here, Jen?" "!" "Think for one moment why you're here and you might realize how little you actually give a shit!" " Fuck you, David, you're not breaking up with me." " Oh my, you, you're fucking, you're crazy, you're crazy, I just did." "It's done, it's over, how hard is that to understand?" " Are you fucking somebody else?" " Oh my God, are you, this is..." " Are you?" " That's funny, Jen, that's really funny." " Are you, is it her?" "!" " Stop!" "Stop!" "Okay?" "!" "Get in the cab, Jen." "Go home." "I'm very sorry, take this, I don't think she'll pay you though, thank you;." "Oh wow!" "Am I fucking someone?" "Does sleeping with a schizophrenic count, you think?" " I don't know how to help you here." " Ah, shit." " I don't know about this yellow." " You'll be all right, Schiffer." " Will I?" " Yeah yeah, of course you will." "Of course you will, in a larger global sense I'm actually not sure." "But you need a place to stay, right?" "Things might get weird, you know, but I'll tell you what, we'll put it in writing." "No weird shit." "What do you say?" "Right?" " Do you remember when I was the one that was saying we should live together?" " Yeah, yeah, I do, I do." "Nothing more certain to ruin a good relationship than moving in together, right?" " Yeah, I don't know, I think this is probably just " " Hey hey hey, yo, hold the crazy, okay?" "Just for a little bit." "Have another one or two of these first." " Okay, cheers." " Cheers." " I'm glad we came to your place and not mine." "This is beautiful." " Uh huh." " You know, I've known you for at least a few months." "You never told me what you do." " That's 'cause I don't do anything." " What do you mean?" "I'm saying where do you work?" " I don't work." "Most definitely my father's son." " What does daddy do?" " He doesn't do anything." " Okay, wait a minute, so..." " He was a rich kid too." " Was?" " Yeah, he's dead to me now." "To the rest of us he's in prison." " Oh, sorry." " What are you sorry about?" " I don't know." "Sorry." " I always loved your music." " Yeah." "It's one thing to love music, but that's a whole other " " No, stop." " What?" " Stop with the music nerd shit." "Don't do it." "I don't wanna hear it." " Just, just cut it out?" " Yeah." " So about me living with Jen, I just wanted " " David..." " Let me finish." "I was clearly trying something I didn't think I was actually capable of." "I don't know why I couldn't do it with you." " David..." " I freaked out." "I did." "For no good reason, I don't know why." "Christ, but then with her, I thought I'd try it." "Dive in, be the good boyfriend, do it right, but clearly she's fucking insane." " Yeah." " Yeah?" " Yeah." " So are you though, so what's a guy to do?" "In a very different way!" " You know what, no, you know, listen to me." "I have something to say, okay?" "It's totally off the wall crazy honest and I'm just gonna lay it out there." " Lay it out." " The thought had occurred to me if you and your crazy schizophrenic girlfriend ever broke up..." "That you and I should enter into a purely sexual relationship." " What are you doing?" " I'm doing something at least." "You're just sitting there like a load of laundry, so I'm gonna go." " I'm not, come on " " You know, I don't have to be here if you don't want me, Chris!" " I do." "What do you want me to do?" " It doesn't feel like you do." " Just come on." "Come back." "I'll do a better job of showing you, okay?" "Now you're laughing at me, see?" "Forget it!" " No, wait, wait." " Does it feel like I want you here now?" " Yes!" " I don't!" " You do." " Back on the market." "So how did Thomas' boys do in the first game of the West Coast swing?" " Unbelievable." "You pathetic fuck!" " We're drawing up some new approached in practice, we're trying to get back to the fundamentals." "It's a young group of guys with enormous talent, we all know that." "Everyone's focused, on Cinco, last time" "I checked there were four other..." " A purely sexual relationship." " Does that surprise you?" "Does that excite you?" "Does that freak you out, what the fuck are you thinking?" " Exactly when did you come up with, Brenda?" " I don't know!" " Okay, because you know we just ran into each other last week for the first time in almost a year, we haven't seen each other " " I know, I don't know, I don't know." "I think, I just, I can't get into this new guy, I really can't." "And I'm so sick of faking, of acting, of the bullshit, I just, I just wanna say what I feel, do you know what I mean?" "And I feel like you were the only person that I've ever been able to do that with." "But I don't wanna get back together with you." "I'm just saying, two people that hate themselves as much as we do finding the purist form of comfort in one another is the next best thing, right?" "So you can see how, you know, your generous offer of roommates doesn't really jive with what I'm saying." "All of a sudden this place is not as spacious anymore." " What do you mean?" " Sex with the person you live with is a lot like marriage, God forbid." " No, it's not at all like that." " Not even close." "" " Yeah." "You know, I can count the number of happy couples that I know in one hand." "I don't wanna do that, I don't wanna be that couple." "I just want sex when I want it." "That's what I want." "But if I live here, we can't, we just can't do that, it'd just be too weird." " You do this." "You have these inspired, just beautiful moments." "One minute you're bouncing around completely lost, the next minute you say something like that." "And you lay it down flat." "In control." " Well maybe we should do neither of those things." " Maybe you're right." "More importantly..." "We're out of wine." "So walk with me, I'm not done with you yet." " Maybe I'm not done with you yet." " No?" " No." "Thank you." " Hey." " Hey." "Where are you?" " Just got home." " And how was it?" " It was good, real good, job well done." "What are you doing?" " Oh, just got home from a date." " At nine o'clock, you just got home from a date?" "Must have been a really awesome date." " Yeah, I'm drinking wine and watching Chopped." " Awesome." " I'm bored!" "Please come over and bring me some hot chocolate." " I just got home." "I need some food, I might stop by later." " I don't care, just come over and bring me hot chocolate." " Goodbye!" " Yeah, bye!" "Hi." " Hi." " Where's the hot chocolate?" " Hey." "What time is it?" " A little after midnight." " Really, it feels like one." " Fine, I'm fine." "It's just been a month." "We said we'd check it after a month, so..." " And?" " Fine." " Me too." " Good." " Cool." " Cool." "I don't think we should cloud our head with over-analysis." " I couldn't agree more." " Shut up." " Yeah?" " Yeah, just get out, you know the rules." " Tell me what you think of this." "Do you think we could live together?" "As roommates, but do the thing you said, a purely sexual relationship." "Should the mood ever strike." "But not sleep in the same bed ever." "For what it's worth, we keep our own quarters as much as we can." "Remain friends, that's the key." "That's the most important part." "Love each other and support each other like we always have, you know?" "And relationships, nah." "I know I don't need one." "I mean you may at some point, I don't know." "God bless that dude." "You think we could do that?" "And not lose our minds?" "Not lose our friendship?" "I don't know." "Call it a transition." " What did you say?" "Oh, you have no idea what I'm capable of." "Oh, oh really, oh really?" "!" "In my condition, I cannot deal with this right now!" "Please, please just stop!" "Jesus, you think anyone else gives a shit about you, I've tried," "I've tried to get through to you!" "Ugh!" "You think anyone else gives a shit, no, about you, I've tried, I've tried." "I've tried to get through to you, but..." "If you don't think I'll do it, Billy, just keep it up." "I will not be treated this way," "I will not, I swear I'll take Ben and you will never see us again!" "In fact, this might be the last time you see anything." "This is so fucking bad." "Oh my God." "I'm out." "Clean up after yourself." " Awesome, pick up more coffee!" " Ugh!" " Do you have that thing with Laurie tonight, right?" " Yes, shit, thank you for reminding me." " Of course." " Bye, babe." " Bye babe." "Wow, wow, babe?" "At least you didn't say honey, that'd be a lot worse." " Bye, honey, I'll talk to you later." " Have a good day!" " Bye!" "Unfortunately, most people who have genital herpes do not realize it because they never have symptoms or they do not recognize any symptoms they may presently have." "Symptoms may differ in each person." "Hey." " Hey, your herpes commercial's on." " Yeah, it started airing a few days ago." " You look sexy." " Bite me!" "I have another call, I'll call you back." "These first episodes of symptoms generally last a few weeks..." "What, John?" " You ungrateful hurtful bitch," "I saw your gonorrhea commercial." " You have crushed my soul." "Does that make you happy?" " I'm happy when my clients are." " Go fuck yourself." "That would make me happy." " Sounds good." " Hi." " Hey." " Jen, what do you..." " Just working up the courage to ring your doorbell." " It's not working." " What the hell are you doing?" " What the hell are you doing?"