"We're the Liberals, waiting in the wings" "We're the Liberals, now in the thick of things!" "Now we're the ones on fire and victory's close at hand" "Liberals, go, go, Liberals..." "So this is it?" "I'm politically dead." "My party hates me, and I've just sentenced myself to a life of bitter loneliness." "That wasn't exactly what I pictured back then..." "When I reached the point all politicians dream of..." "When I knew I was going to be our next prime minister." "David Holst, Liberal Party chairman, welcome to the show!" " So, are you our next prime minister?" " Are you my career coach?" " How far will my grades take me?" " Apparently, as far as you like!" "According to the latest polls, the Liberals are surging ahead." "And with the elections looming up, the Alliance is in the lead." "David Holst is reputedly preparing to take the helm." "While the Coalition is looking at their worst defeat in years." "Edward Jonson, you have set yourself above society." "It's their future I'm fighting for!" "I don't have the answer..." "Most forecasts indicate a change in government." "Our exit polls put the center-right alliance in the lead." "The Social Democrats look set to get even fewer seats this time." "The total for the red-green coalition is 38%" " You'll be a great prime minister!" " Tell that to the Conservatives." "Two-thirds of the votes are in, and the Alliance is in the lead." "As the largest party, Holst will be PM..." " "Socialism has been dispatched..." - "...to the rubbish heap of history."" "That's pompous bullshit!" " So what should he say?" " Something snappy." " "Congratulations, Sweden"." " Sounds like ad copy..." "The Christian Democrats are falling short of the threshold!" "Which would change everything." "The Christian Democrats are at 3.9%." " And if they do fall short?" " The impact would be huge..." "You abortion-hating homophobes!" " Where's God now?" " God is a Social Democrat." "...Jonson stays on as PM and the Coalition stays in power." "No seats for the Christian Democrats and..." "Four more years!" "FOUR MORE YEARS" "It's Hans-Ake, not Jan-Ake." "Do it again..." "With deep gratitude we acknowledge his achievements not just in Uddevalla but throughout Bohuslan." "You all know who I mean." "It's Per Ahlmark, he's furious." "Your latest proposal is anti-Semitic." " The boat registry?" " "Kowtowing to tyranny."" " Send flowers, distract him." " Hi, I'm back..." "You need this." "Johnny Lundstedt is incredibly popular on the west coast." " Who cares about Johnny "Bollocks"?" " Way too many." "He's dangerous." " What are you doing?" " Nothing... working." "Hey..." "Cut it out, let me see." "You're playing World of Warcraft!" "You little shit!" " We're trying to save your ass!" " Well, don't bother!" " You're going to be prime minister!" " No, I'm not." "Fia, I had my shot and I failed!" " There will be more opportunities." " You know that's not true." "I'm all washed up." "My ratings are down 11%." " Okay, we'll just walk away." " What do you mean?" " You might as well resign." " I'm not going to resign!" " Do something else." " I don't know how to do anything else." " My last real job was in grade school." " Then you're in for a change!" "But I love this!" "Resign?" "!" "Can't we discuss hypothetical options without you getting hysterical?" "David, it's your mother, she's been calling all day." "Hello Ingrid, it's Fia, David can't talk right now." "No, we're busy fucking." "Honey..." "All you have to do is go to that dinner, hand the plaque to a senile geezer, and remember that his name is Hans-Ake, and everything will be fine." "With deep gratitude we acknowledge his achievements, not just in the city of Uddevalla but throughout the province." "You all know who I mean..." "Hans-Ake Samuelsson." " Gabrielsson." " Exactly." "So, read the bits I've marked in red." "Pretend you've read the yellow bits." " Forget the rest." " Red read, yellow pretend." "Here's the motion you have to sign, and an editorial you've written." "About agricultural subsidies." "Read the red bits." "And FYI, you told that children's magazine you like horses." "Top-secret document about the party." "This gets out, I'll cut your balls off." " Secret, balls off." " See you later." "Busy over there on the right wing?" "Lots of rich people to be made richer." "Lots of gaps to be widened." " How's power working for you?" " There's so much to screw up." " Schools, the justice system." " The labor market." "The armed forces." "Sorry!" "Shit..." " No peeking!" " I won't read it." "Face the wall, please." "Shut your eyes." " Want me to cover my ears and sing?" " Please do." "I think I overloaded my deodorant." " But you saved your balls." " Right..." "You're standing on the future of the Liberal Party." " Don't listen to her!" " Honey, you know I'm right." "Martin Kovac..." "What do we think about him?" "You know:" "He's a socialist thug." "A bastard!" "He's fed us lies for 15 years." " And put that cap on care fees." " A disgusting populist." "If he was a Liberal, we'd rate 20%." " Good-looking, too." "Too bad he's gay." " That's probably negotiable." " Why, has he contacted you?" " What?" "No." "Do not negotiate with Kovac, you're not in the same league." " He'll fleece you!" " Of course I won't..." "I just bumped into him and thought he seemed... odious." "Is it Edward?" "I'm assuming you're not going to take that?" "Give them an increase in the spousal income deduction, we won't have to make good on it..." "Please, he doesn't know what real interest rate means, he's a Green." "I'll "deny any knowledge" to the media..." " Sweetheart, I'm almost done." "Still skeptic?" "Stick her in the transport committee." "She'll jump on the pro-EMU bandwagon just to get out!" "If she goes to the TV news people, she's politically dead." "She'd be lucky to get elected vestry chairman in Timra." "Right, will do, thanks for calling." "No, you never call at a bad time." "What's going on, sugar?" "You can't be moving out all because of a phone call?" "No." "Hi, Dad." "Come on in." "You can stay for as long as you like." "It'll only be for a few days, until the Party gets me a flat." " Maybe Hugo will come around." " I'm not sure I want him to." "Are you absolutely sure that those are good for you?" " Who's that?" "!" " Heddy." "Hedvig von Essen." "Married to half of SE Bank." " Where do you find them?" "!" " At Karlaplan square." "Nothing stirs up their passions more than an old Bolshevik." "I'd pass on the Estonian Turnip Casserole." " It's like eating a piece of a Gulag." " But I'm obligated." "The lunch lady's Estonian." "They were occupied for 50 years." " Everyone else is having the pasta." " Exactly!" "Suppose she rowed across the Baltic to get here, and then I diss her food." "One Estonian Turnip Casserole please." ""Kitos"." " What do you recommend?" " The pasta." "Well, hello, Martin!" "Are you going to the Green's wine and cheese thing?" "Have I ever said no to free cheap wine?" " I just called you a cab." " What for?" "The Federation of Private Enterprises." "We've decided that you're very upset about the health insurance issues, but you're not promising them anything." "Look, I'm really busy, so I'll be a bit late." " How late?" " Just a few hours." "Sure, and they can play Scrabble until you get there." " Can't you do it?" " What's going on here?" "Well, there's this wine and cheese do hosted by the Greens." "Right..." "They're also unhappy about the taxation of small businesses." " That's where I'm going." " Why the heck would you want to?" "Excuse me..." "Wow, is this some kind of ritual Liberal greeting?" "It's these shoes." "They're too big." "Fia bought them for me, and you just can't not use a pair of ridiculously expensive shoes." " So, you're here, too?" " Yeah, what a shocker..." "But it's good to get out, and I thought maybe you'd be here." " No, I never show up at these things." " Then I guess it's my lucky day." "Sorry about your drop in the polls." "In the words of Mauro Scocco:" ""I grow weaker with every passing day."" " From Ratata's first album." " Their very first song, actually." " First single, their first song..." "...was "Doctor Love"." " Mauro wrote that one in high school." " You sure know your Ratata!" "Yup!" "Everything I've ever done, I did the first time to Ratata." "Same here." "Listen..." "Want some more wine?" "Or are you fine with what's on your shirt?" "It can probably soak up some more." " Do you know where the lavatory is?" " Down the hall, on your right." " If you don't mind?" " I'll take care of it." "I'll be right back." "Excuse me, the PM requests your immediate presence." "Now?" "Is it that important?" "The future of Europe is at stake, apparently." "Hi, Edward." "What's this all about?" "Martin..." "Turkey has to join the EU." "Right this minute?" "Within a twenty-year time frame." "This is crucial to Europe's future." "And this couldn't have kept until tomorrow?" "Why, did you have something more important to do?" "No..." "Would you like a croissant?" "It'll cost you." "A kiss." "Another one." " Would you like a croissant?" " The price isn't right." "Oh, we were thinking of catching a last-minute flight to Cyprus." "So you can have the place to yourself." "Think you can manage?" "I'll miss you terribly, but I'll try." "Read the summons from the County Association yet?" "What?" "No." "Please pretend to listen to me when I'm going through your mail." "If I do any more than I already do, I'll be chewing your food for you." "I've freed up your weekend." "You can rest up for two whole days." " Our local chapter is meeting..." " No way!" " Don't you realize..." " Yes!" "They hate me!" "Because you're never there!" "Soon there'll be rumors that you're dead!" "That ought to perk them up." "All right, let Johnny take over the whole party." " What's this?" " "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch."" "Somewhat underrated." ""Ratata nostalgia" " Friday nite only." "At Martin's place in Jordbro."" "It's already started." ""Menu:" "Estonian Turnip Casserole."" "Must be some kind of joke." " "The Association of Independent"..." " You know what?" "You're right." "Of course I should go to the local chapter meeting." "Press the flesh and swill coffee." "I can't just give up, now can I?" "Don't wait up." "Hi, Martin, it's David..." "Holst." "Anyway, I just got your invitation." "And I'm sitting in a taxicab..." "If you get this message..." "Right..." "Hello?" "Oh, hi there!" "So, you showed up?" "You were supposed to have RSVP'ed on Wednesday." "By the way, Marita Ulvskog is in town." "She'll be popping by a bit later." "I'm just kidding." "Come on in!" "So personal hygiene is a political issue?" "I'm just talking deodorant here." "Greens are the most deodorant-hostile, and usage increases as you move to the right." "Conservatives are always freshly Mummed." "So if the Conservatives continue to edge center-wise..." "A few years more, and Anders Borg will reek like yesterday's gym clothes." "A worthy subject for research!" "You must be kidding?" "That fat pig from Dalarna?" "The "wild boar from the wilds"..." "And that paper doll from Cultural Affairs?" " Where?" " In the stenographer's booth." " I've seen the stains myself." " Oh, my God..." "More like a sadistic big brother who breaks promises, lies, and gives wedgies, there's always some sucker punch." "With a kid brother like the Liberals, we can't help it!" "Poke in the stomach and you yelp for the European courts!" " You're blaming the victim!" " That's exactly what you sound like!" "My dad really loves Palme." "He was his speechwriter for ten years." "He takes the credit for profit-sharing." "He was set to be party secretary." " Palme had already made up his mind." " Really?" "What happened?" "He had an affair with a Conservative on the Defense Committee." "That really kicked up a stink." "He was persona non grata for years." "It still hurts." " What about the Conservative?" " Branded a socialist whore..." "She opened a golf shop." "Liberals, go, go, Liberals!" "That's brilliant!" "Got any more of that grappa?" "Furthermore, the austerity tax is a punitive tax on higher education." "But above all it is a violation of the tax legislation of 1990." " I'll be damned." " Yes, and where property tax..." "Is it really quarter to three?" "I can't..." "I mean..." "I've got to go home." " Should I call you a cab?" " No..." "Thanks for a great dinner." "Really nice..." "The property tax really does the opposite of what it's intended to do." "Same thing with the capital gains tax." "It creates a sluggishness that..." "Holy shit..." "Holy shit!" "Good morning, you old sexual liberal!" "Eggs and sausage..." " A working-man's breakfast." " Christ!" "Listen..." "How... how did this happen?" "How detailed do you want me to be?" "This is not good at all." "Over easy or regular sunny-side up?" " How... are you planning to use this?" " I've posted it on YouTube." ""Sodomy across party lines." We've already got 20,000 hits." " So how do you like your eggs?" " Over easy." "Any chance we can just forget this ever happened?" "You're really good at sweet nothings, aren't you?" "I just meant..." "Sorry." "Good morning." "Good morning." " Switch it on, already." " It's like opening the gates of hell." " Voice mail dripping with hate..." " We're politicians, everyone hates us." " Where should I say I've been?" " Where the sun don't shine." "Tell them that you were stuck in some kind of negotiations." "Sooner or later I'll have to explain." "Fia's going to be so upset when I tell her." " Do I have to tell her?" " Tell her what?" " About this!" " What exactly?" "Well, that we..." "That I'm..." "That I'm bisexual." " Bisexual?" " What's so funny about that?" "Bisexual, that's just some myth created by the Board of Health." "Some kind of sensible compromise solution like Serbo-Croatia, the number 2 bus line, or "social liberalism":" "You want to have your cake and eat it, too. "I'm just a tad bisexual."" " There's no such thing as a bisexual?" " Maybe there is." "But it sounds more like a way to excuse living a lie for 20 years." "Hey, it's not like that." " I had no clue about this yesterday." " So why did you come here?" "I like you." "We were going to listen to Ratata." "Oh fuck, it's Jorgen." " Hello, Jorgen." " Where are you?" " I'm in the middle of negotiations." " About the North Bothnia Rail Link." " We didn't set that up..." "I'm really low on batteries, so tell Fia that I'll call her later." "Thanks, bye." " Well, here we go." "Brilliant!" "You lied like a socialist!" "The North Bothnia Rail Link..." "I think you just raised house prices in Pitea." ""Mom and Dad"?" "Hello, David speaking." "Hello, Dad..." " Your mother's up on the roof." " What?" "Tell her to come down." "No, I can't." "I'm in the middle of negotiations." "The whole future of Norrland's infrastructure is at stake." "You can't do this to me." "I'm not promising anything." "All right, I promise." "I'll be there." "Bye." "I'm turning this off!" "The house hasn't been repaired since 1969, it needs a new roof." " Well, pay someone to do it." " Ma would rather hack off a body part." "That roof has to be repaired by me." " So she gets up on the roof..." " As blackmail." " What does your dad say?" " Absolutely nothing, he plays Tetris." " This is wonderful!" " No, this is a commando raid:" "Go in, get Mum down, and make a getaway." "You stay in the car." " Surely, I can say hello?" " You can wave." "Just keep the engine running, got it?" "There..." "The house with the bigoted curtains." " Is there such a thing?" " Feels like it." "You can pull over here." " Mother, please." " So..." "His Excellency has deigned to come down from Mount Olympus, has he?" "Sorry there isn't a brass band to greet you, but I have a roof that needs fixing." "Easter." "I'll do it at Easter, I promise?" "Could you please come down now?" "Who's that?" "Another vulture?" "I'm Martin, a friend of David's." "Do you need a hand?" " I don't know how to thank you." " Oh, I enjoyed it." " Want help with the dishes?" " He can manage." "So what do you do, Martin?" "Are you also in politics?" " Yes, I am." " That's incredible." "I admire you young idealists." "The Social Democrats have ruined so much, now all our hope lies with you." "You are the heroes of our time." " Well, I'm not..." " In my eyes, you are." "The poor Liberal Party is all at sea, losing more and more voters all the time." "What's to be done?" "You want my opinion?" "About what the Liberals should do?" "I'd scrap the entire party program." "Then I'd toss out most of the PM's." "It's so refreshing to hear someone really speak his mind." "An honest human being..." "Have you said this to the Party?" " No, no one's asked for my opinion." " I see..." "You'd make them uncomfortable." "I don't suppose David listens to you?" "No, not to me either." "That's the arrogance of power for you." "So tell me, what is David doing wrong?" "Why is he such a failure?" "From my point of view, David is an excellent party chairman." "He gets better and better with every passing day." "What loyalty!" "What a fantastic friend David has in you." "Mother, Martin is a socialist." "Please!" "If anyone disagrees with you, you call him a socialist." " He said that about Westerberg, too." " Well, what David is trying to say..." "Don't defend him, he's not going to frighten you into silence." " Fancy a drop of whiskey?" " I thought you were teetotallers." "But we're not that strict, We leave that to David." "Well, we're going out into the garage," "Martin's going to help me out with that distributor!" "What?" "What?" "No, I didn't say anything." "He's priceless!" "Ever hear that guy on the radio who's so good at imitating David?" "Yes, right..." "If you're done with the 'distributor' then it's time to go." "We've decided that you're spending the night." "You can sleep in your room and Martin can have the guest room." "You'd better go make up the bed for him." "Yes?" "Mother's room is the one next to the bathroom." "Ah, petulance." "So attractive!" " What the hell are you doing?" " Get back into bed." " They can hear us!" " So what?" " Are you insane?" " What would your mother say?" ""Boys, are you being gay in there?" Come here..." "Does that projector work?" "You were so cute." "Not what most people thought at my school." "Snazzy shirt..." " Where did you find them?" " Mom used leftover curtain fabric." "Good Lord!" "How did you survive junior high?" "The shirts were the least of my troubles, I was a Baptist." "So you took refuge in MAD magazine and masturbation?" " Oh, no." "No masturbation for me." " What?" "I wasn't allowed to!" "Jerking off was as bad as murder." " Or listening to Kiss!" " But..." "Where did it all go?" "You must have had some Tsunami-like wet dreams." "Wait a minute, never?" "Sometimes I engaged in punitive wanking." " You engaged in what?" " Punitive wanking." "If I had thought or done something awful," "I punished myself by wanking and thinking about somebody disgusting." " What's so strange about that?" " You're unbelievable!" " Who did you think about?" " Does it matter?" " My uncle Gunnar." " David!" "I'm blushing." "It wasn't sexual." "He was big and fat, had a moustache and stank of sweat!" "And I thought I was depraved." " Barbro..." "Hi!" " Hello there, Mr Chairman!" "I was helping your mom and I saw someone was here." " We were sleeping, actually." " Not anymore." "I saw your debate with that guy Thomas Ostros on TV." "Damn, you took a beating." " Oh, I thought it went pretty well." " Know what you do wrong?" "You're so damn namby-pamby." "You let people walk all over you." "How come you're such a wimp?" "We polled what voters were looking for, and wimpiness was high on the list." "You've got to strike back, for Christ's sake." " Is that the wife?" " Yes, that's right." " Wasn't she blond?" " It varies." "And another thing, you've got this strange whiny voice..." "Barbro, I'm eternally grateful but it's cold." "Go snuggle up to wifey, but remember:" "Strike back!" "Don't let those socialists fuck you up the ass!" "Gee, I'll keep that in mind." "Back home to Stockholm again" "Where I've got a friend who's waiting" "Take me back to Stockholm again" "Cause that's where I long to be" "Sorry..." "It's Sunday morning, got pretty late night last night..." "Well, tomorrow's Monday..." "So how are you going to serve your country?" "I'm planning a trip to Eastern Europe." "To sell JAS fighterjets." " Sounds hopeless." " Like selling school raffle tickets." "You pester your neighbors and then your dad says: "We'll buy the whole lot."" " Any exciting meetings for you?" " Thrilling." " The Trade Council, Dick Jagemo." " Tricky Dickie?" "I had a fling with him back when we were in the Socialist Youth League." " I feel like a virgin..." " Then I've screwed up." "Okay, a beginner." "You've been to bed with every guy I mention." " That's not true." " Pretty much." " How many lovers have you had?" " Sure you want to know?" "Yes." "No." "Sort of..." "How about a ballpark figure?" "Well..." "Would they have their own majority in parliament?" "No." "Would they be the biggest party?" "Not as big as the Social Democrats, but bigger than the Conservatives." "What are you agonizing about?" "I can't deal with this." "I'm going to lose my wife, my family, my job." "I can't deal with this." "Well then we won't tell anyone." "There's nothing strange about that." "I won't tell anyone, I promise." " You're not offended, are you?" " No, no, of course not." "We'll keep it a secret." "Okay, what's the next step?" " Open the car door." " I meant with us." "I'll call you in a few days, if I can hold out that long." "Know what?" "I've never ever felt..." "Talk to you later." "And with every passing day, I grow weaker, can't you see..." "Fia?" "Hello?" "You lying bastard!" "You think I don't know what you've been up to?" "Are you proud of yourself?" "Deceiving us, and making me look like a fool!" "There I was, reassuring everyone:" ""No, David's not like that, he would never lie."" " You phony bastard!" " It's not like that." "So, was I supposed to find out by reading it in the papers?" "Shut up!" " I thought I knew you." " Fia..." "What do we tell people?" "Everyone who believed in you?" "All those local politicians?" " What do you mean?" " The Rail Administration!" " What are you talking about?" " The North Bothnia Rail Link!" " Is that what you're upset about?" " You think I'm stupid?" "Jorgen told me you sold off the linchpin of our infrastructure policy!" "I didn't sell anything, I made that up to get rid of Jorgen." " Well, where have you been then?" " I was in Katrineholm." "What?" "What were you doing there?" " Roof repairs." " Now you lost me..." "I needed some time to think over my role as chairman... and all that." "And the roof?" "Know what I do to horny Baptists?" "It's like nothing ever happened at all" "Tell me, will you ever let me in..." " Hello, Martin." " No..." "I'm not letting you in." "Here, take your stuff." "There's more out in the car." "Seriously, this is really bad timing." " Martin, I know just how you feel." " No..." " But it's time to move on." " Please Hugo, you've got to go." "You're making Chicken Cacciatore." " You're going to have sex." " That's right." "Now go." "How adorable, you're blushing." " Please..." " Go on, tell me." "I'm curious." "Stop it!" " Suddenly, you're a prude?" " I'm not interested." " What are you afraid of?" " Nothing." "Just go." "Afraid you'll get turned on?" "What are you afraid of?" "Stop it." "Okay..." "You spoilsport." "It's a good thing." "Shit, that's the best thing that could have happened." "Stuck in a meeting." "Can't make it." "Hey, are you all right?" "Just fine." "Never better." " Hi..." " I forgot my keys." "Aren't you supposed to be leaking military secrets to KG Bergstrom?" "He canceled, so I bought some cheese and wine." "That's nice..." "Why did KG cancel?" "A migraine." " So how was your day?" " I tried to spread a rumor..." "That Johnny Bollocks pays his cleaning lady cash-in-hand." " Does he?" " Who knows." " What are you doing?" " Isn't that obvious?" "Sure, but that's not really "us", is it?" "Why not?" " Well, you know why." " No." "Cut it out..." " Tell me." " Because you're not interested." " What do you mean?" " Do I have to spell it out for you?" " Because you're a homosexual." " What?" "!" " What did you say?" "!" " You heard me." "That's bizarre." "A joke..." "We're married, for Christ's sake!" " I'm aware of that." " You mean to say that I..." "Spare me the playacting!" " I thought we had an agreement." " We've never discussed it!" " It's been obvious for ages." " It has?" "To you, maybe." "Come on, sweetie..." "It doesn't matter." "Why did you stay?" "By the time I figured it out, we were in the middle of a campaign, and I wanted to wait until after the election, and then..." " I got used to it." " Why didn't you say anything?" "You're saying: "Honey, I'm gay, why didn't you tell me?"" "Something like that." "You could have helped me." "A public figure like me could've gotten laid like crazy." " I would've felt much better." " You, maybe, but what about..." " What about other people?" " Like you?" " Like us." "We're a team." " That wouldn't have had to change." "I couldn't be sure about that, could I?" "I wouldn't fucking him myself." "If he wasn't gay, a socialist, and the personification of evil..." "No, I could have overlooked all that." "Are you in love with him?" " I think so." " That's typical..." "So what happens next?" " Should we get a divorce?" " I don't want one." "How about you?" "No, there's no rush." "Let's just keep on going..." "But it's time to dump Martin Kovac." " Hey, lover boy!" " Hi..." " How are you?" " Fine." "Tonight, let's..." "Listen, about tonight..." "You're having a group meeting too, right?" "How about a coffee break at 8:30?" "No, that's not convenient." "When is convenient for you, then?" "I'm trying to cut down on coffee." ""The number you dialed is no longer in service."" " You changed your phone number?" " That's right..." "Too many people had the old number." "It was time for a change." "I see." "What's the new number?" "No idea..." "Me and numbers, you know." "Right, I saw that in your budget proposal." "Obviously, I can't compete with the latest issue of Parliamentary News..." " But may I ask you a question?" " Sure." "What the hell's going on?" "Are you afraid?" "Did somebody say something?" " What do you mean?" " Do you think this is a trap?" " That I'm just using you?" "Is that it?" " Not at all." "Then what the hell is it?" "I'm sorry if you've taken this more seriously than I have." "I never meant to hurt you." "You're dumping me..." "Is that what you're saying?" "I don't believe it!" "Who's trying to get to you?" "You're so dramatic..." "So I've completely misunderstood it all?" "You know what?" "I don't believe it." "Well, that's how it is anyway." "Sorry." " Sure you don't want to come along?" " No..." " It's no fun, anyway." " At the Center Party Salsa Night?" "It's the year's biggest meat market." "You have to be a leper not to get laid." "So what's your strategy?" "Here's my take:" "Nobody wants what they're getting at home." "If you want to bed a Leftist, go with cardigans and pearls." " How about if you want a Conservative?" " Look like border-town hooker." " How about a Centrist?" " They're country folks." "It's enough just to shower and have ten fingers." " So, what do you think?" " Go for a Conservative." " I can put more makeup on." " You look like an ad for trafficking." "Thanks!" " What do you have lined up?" " I've rented three Beck films." "For God's sake, David." "You should be renting "Hung Like a Horse", or "Teenage Sailors"." "You can't even wallow properly." "You've been like this for a month now." "Gorging on goat's cheese and overdosing on Swedish TV thrillers." " What am I supposed to do?" " Find a man, for God's sake!" " How am I supposed to do that?" " Online dating." "How do you think everyone else does it?" "Go ahead, then!" "I don't care anymore." "You can't torture me anymore!" "Go to hell!" "Hello..." "Hello!" "You sure look familiar." "Where have I seen you before?" "Don't tell me, I want to figure it out myself." "You, of all the lying parasites out there." "You fucking little slut." "I know it's got something to do with sports." "How can you can shut down a perfectly good hospital?" "Tell me!" " Discus..." " Shit, I knew it." " You've got a world record, right?" " Indoors..." "Did you close down the post office to fuck with people?" "I didn't close down the post office." "I don't think I want any coffee." "You smell delicious..." "Are you very hungry, or is it all right if we just skip dinner?" "Go on, guess!" "He's a celebrity and he's straight." "No, I am not lying!" "I'll take a picture of him." "Go on, guess!" "No, not the Prince." "I told you, he's older and uglier." "Magnus Hedman?" "You wish." "No, not Hasse Aro, not as sexy." "He's thinner than Tommy Korberg, but you're in the right age bracket." "My speech, What was it about?" " Don't ask me, I didn't write it." " Jorgen, I didn't get a single word." " Your pronunciation's awful." " That would hardly explain why I..." " Well, write your own speeches." " That's not what I meant." "Now we have exactly 45 seconds to get ready for that bloody banquet." "I need to pee." "You're like a kid; someone tells you to hurry up, and you have to pee!" " You treat me like a kid." " Want to be treated like a grown-up?" " Then make a grown-up decision." " I'll go pee." "I bet you'll purposely poop, just to annoy me." "Go on ahead and we'll meet up at the hotel." "You don't even know the name of the hotel." " Sure I do." " What's it called then?" " I know what it's called." " It's your call." "Good luck." "Fucking Hungary!" "Fucking Hungary!" " What are you doing here?" " I took a pee in Hungary." " But what are you doing here?" " Ask Fia." "She wants me to travel abroad, to seem more statesmanlike." "It's working well for you." " Why are you here?" " To sell fighterjets." "Only don't tell the Greens that." "How about dinner?" "Or do I have to clear that with Fia and Jorgen first?" "A point of order..." " Is this a date?" " That's up to you." " Then it isn't." " Good, then I can deduct it." "You could do that anyway." "Pretend I'm Tomas Bodstrom." "I always do..." "A date would have been nice, though." "I've had some pretty awful dating experiences recently." "The last guy would have preferred to sleep with Hasse Aro." " No!" " I don't get the whole dating thing." " It's a way to get acquainted." " How?" "Some people ask pathetic questions." ""When was the last time you cried?" "What vegetable would you be?"" "Can't we do that?" "You know, for practice." "In case I ever wind up on a date again." "This is so gay..." "Well, I'd be a housewife." "Just go to the hairdressers and drink on the sly." "And my husband will smack my bottom in the most sexist way." " How about you?" " Edward would set me up in Brussels." "With a fancy French title and a monster salary!" "And then you'll become a legend on the gay club scene." "I'm done with that." "I want to come home to someone whose bottom I can smack in a sexist way." " I'll take the sofa bed." " You're the guest." " I'm the one who's imposing." " I'll take the sofa." "Continental, Hotel Continental." "Is that where you're staying?" "It's right next door." "Oh..." "I could be mistaken." "Look, it's me!" "They've written about my speech." "A very good summary." "Know what I think?" "We should go to the press and tell them everything." " What?" " About us." "Our love story." "Stuff like this always leaks out anyway..." "So that's what this was all about." "We'll be media darlings." "Get invited to talk shows." "Wear matching pullovers." "It'll be a riot!" "What will?" "Seeing my political future go down the tubes?" "Come on, David." " We've got each other." " Until you sleep with someone else?" " What the hell do you mean?" " I'm not stupid." "I know how you operate, I have no illusions." "Well, look what's starting to shine through..." "A bigoted Bible-thumper!" "Because I haven't humped every man I ever met?" "I'd rather be a slut than a Baptist who panics every time he gets a hard on!" " This was a big fucking mistake." " I couldn't agree more!" " What was I thinking?" " About your Uncle Gunnar, no doubt." "Excuse me..." "David, it's not what you think, this isn't what it looks like..." " We have a relationship." " What did you think it looked like?" "I know, that came out strange..." "Sorry, David." "Don't blame Fia, I seduced her." "Go hop in the shower, all right?" "And where the hell have you been?" "Nothing?" "Not even some little strategy brief on tax policy?" "Not even that." "Then what did you do it for?" "There are other reasons to have sex, you know." "Not with David Holst." "So, he's an ass bandit, you say?" "Nothing wrong with that." "I'd love to see that clown publicly humiliated, but it might screw up my own plans." " Making you party secretary." " Wow..." "We need a new one." "And I don't want some anti-nuke kook, I want you." "But the boyfriend of the Liberal's chairman will be a hard sell." "We have something very painful to tell you." "We've decided to get a divorce." "I'm sorry..." "To your father and I, marriage is holy and therefore inviolable." "We have tried to instill that value in you." " But this is an exception." " What?" "I've detested this woman from day one." "What led you to this excellent decision?" "Well..." " You remember Martin, don't you?" " A delightful man." " So dedicated to the Liberals." " I doubt that." "He works for Edward Jonsson, the Social Democrats." "The thing is that Martin and I became more than friends." "We grew very close." "You don't mean to say that you're..." "That you're..." "That you're a Social Democrat?" "Ingrid, David is a queer, a fag, a buttboy." "Admit it, you couldn't repeat that if I gave you fifty tries." "Let's play in this direction." "Wasn't she in that cooking class?" "Didn't you have a fling?" "Until her sister turned up." "A flaming nymphomaniac..." "And I wind up getting the blame!" "So, what did Edward want to talk to you about at Harpsund?" "He wants me to become party secretary." "You're not saying anything..." "I don't want to start blubbering in public, now do I?" "There's no finer job around." "And no better man for the job." "But once you've taken it, you're married to the Party." "You realize that?" "Then there's no going back." "You can't run around screwing Liberals." "Aren't you going to throw that?" "And you know..." "Are you all right?" "Dad?" "Dad!" "Dad?" "Hello?" "!" "Could you call an ambulance!" "When the unthinkable happens" "That no one can foresee..." "I summarized the summary." " You're against it." " I'm against it." "Here's your speech for Gothenburg." "I've added happy and angry smileys." " Is that really necessary?" " Remember what happened in Ostersund?" "Here are your replies for the ladies' magazine:" "The divorce was rough, but now we're best friends..." " I like Ethiopian food?" " Exactly." "Lots of goat meat." "So, see you tomorrow." "Bye." "All there is, is silence" "Though the world went crashing down..." "Let's reopen the North Bothnia Rail Link." "Come to the Opera bar at 7 pm." " Here." " I'm waiting for someone..." "It's a perfectly ordinary laptop, Jorgen." "It's black." "It's got to be there, because it's not here." "My train leaves in 30 minutes." "Hang on, check the bathroom." "Maybe I brought it in there with me." "No stranger than doing Sudoko..." "Here comes Fia, I've got to get the door." "All right, I'll come down and pick it up." "Bye." "Hello, you little bigot." "Who panics every time he gets a hard on..." " Where are you going?" " To Gothenburg." "Last chance to wrench Western Sweden from the clutches of Johnny Bollocks." "I'll be catching a train myself, to the Party congress in Sundsvall." "Edward will be announcing me as the new party secretary." " Wow!" "That's great!" " Yes." "If I decide to accept." " Why wouldn't you?" " Oh, I don't know..." "I thought maybe you might want me back?" "This is ridiculous, we're bloody well made for each other." "I want to live with you." "You can't imagine how I've longed for this." " But I can't do it." " We love each other!" "Don't you realize that?" "How can you say no to that?" "There are people who worked for me for years." "I have no right to let them down." " Do you know what time it is?" "!" " I know!" "You'll have to help me pack." "I have to go and get my computer, I can't find it." "I'll see you on the train." " Hi." "What are you doing here?" " Nothing, I've got a train to catch." "Thank you, Per, that's great." "It's all set then, bye." "Per Ahlmark is going to sue us for inciting racial hatred." "Our construction standard proposal was somehow anti-Israel." "So what did you and Martin Kovac have to say to each other?" "Well..." "He wants us to live together." "Says we're meant for each other." " And you said?" " The truth." "That it was madness." " We would make each other unhappy." " And how do you feel?" "Sad." "But at the same time, it's a huge relief." "It's like I finally had the balls to make the right decision." "That I could draw the line." "Know what?" "I think things are going to turn around now." " What is?" " The voters will be coming back." "Yesterday we dropped another one and a half percent..." "Right, so the only way is up." "Or we get kicked out of parliament." "We'll woo back the west and we'll win the elections!" "Have you checked the news feeds today?" ""Even the Liberal Party chapters in Ostergotland, Blekinge and Gotland support Johnny Lundstedt's demand that Holst steps down." "The only chapter still backing Holst is Gastrikland."" "Am I out of my fucking mind?" "I've thrown away the one thing in my life I really care about." "In twenty minutes Martin will become party secretary." "I assume that the natural thing to do in a situation like this would be to run around screaming hysterically." "I probably would have gone for that." "But apathy works, too." "So this is it:" "I'm politically dead, my party hates me, and we're losing our seats in parliament." "My marriage was a sham," "I've ruined my mother's life, and I've sentenced myself to a life of bitter loneliness." "May I have a look at your Parliamentary News?" "No." "I'm not done with it yet." "Don't blame me." "It was her idea." "This morning, at my house?" " But how did you know?" " Christ!" "You regret every decision." "So why wouldn't you regret this one, too?" " Let's go grab a cup of coffee." " I've still got some..." "Then I'm taking these with me." " What does Edward have to say?" " He wants to negotiate." "He's ready to cut corporate taxes by seven percent if you dump me." "If he had said twelve, I'd have considered it." "ripped by carrot spellcheck by carrot"