"THE LIMOUSINE A comedy of errors" "...dedicated to the actors in the film" "What kind of Irishman drinks beer instead of whiskey?" "You were wonderful, believe me!" "I mean it was the only thing I saw!" "Yes indeed!" "An American arrives in Rome via Termini... that lumbering sad train station built by Mussolini." "He had come to see the Pope but had no idea how to find him." "He goes out and looks around him." "An Italian approaches him." "Buon giorno Signore, he tells him and sticks an l.D. under his nose." "Lo ruffiano patentato..." "(I'm a certified pimp)" "Tu volio una bella donna?" "(You want beautiful woman?" ")" "The American tells him the only two words he knows in Italian." "Il Papa." "(The Pope)" "The Italian pretends he hasn't heard and persists..." "Una giovenita bellissima. .." "(a beautiful young thing)" "The American repeats:" "ll Papa." "The Italian draws back and thinks:" "This American's a very persistent bugger." "Finally he gets an idea:" "Volio un piccolo cardinalio?" "(You want a little cardinal?" ")" "The American repeats sternlyz "ll Papa"." "The Italian finds himself in a tough spot... but makes a last ditch attempt not to let his victim get away." ""Il Papa," he tells him, "ll Papa molto difficile. .." "Ma non impossibile!" (Very difficult but not impossible)" "Claudius!" "An espresso stretto!" "How would you say stretto in Greek?" "Stretto." "There's no word for it in Greek." "And what would you call the opposite of stretto?" "I don't know." "I never thought to ask and find out." "Besides, the gang and I we drink it stretto so it's all I know." "Didn't you drink coffee in your neck of the woods?" "Sure we did." "But we drank Greek coffee." "And if you must know, way back we called it Turkish coffee." "Then we changed it and now we call it Greek coffee." "The opposite of stretto is lungo." "Italians drink stretto in one shot." "Like this." "You're drinking it like Greek coffee." "You're Irish?" "I'm a Celt." "Nebuchadnezzar." "They must have told you you look like Samuel Beckett." "I am Samuel Beckett." "And my friend also looks like Fernando Arrabal?" "What?" "You write poems?" "No." "I come up with lyrics for old tunes." "Tell me what they say, in a few words." "They're about some buddies I had when I first came to Paris." "And we unloaded boxes in the produce market." "They were Hungarians and Turks." "You write about Turks as well?" "Yes!" "Why not?" "What's wrong with the Turks?" "They're great guys." "I don't disagree." "I just thought you Greeks didn't see eye to eye with the Turks." "You thought wrong." "Here abroad we're good friends." "For whom do you write the lyrics?" "For yourself?" "You're describing your feelings?" "No, I've gone beyond that stage." "I consider my feelings too trivial to interest anyone." "Then who the hell do you write for?" "For my buddies." " You?" "You don't write poetry?" " No." "I used to write poetry." " When?" " Before the Second World War." " And you no longer write?" " No, I'm not interested in poetry." "Now I consider it useless." "May I, Mr. Beckett?" "What are your views on the theater in general?" "I have no view of my own." "But I do share a more general view... that of my village." "And what is the prevailing view on the theater in your village?" "Tell us." "Aristotle's view." "That's some statement the kid just made!" "Quite so, the rascal!" "But there's a lot more to be said on that subject too." "Thanks, kid." "We'll talk again the two of us." "You blew their minds." "And I loved doing it!" "The great have this arrogance that gets on my nerves." "It's not a question of how much you know." "It's a question of which side of the barricade you place yourself." "Yes, you're right." "The question is who do you work for?" "For the many or for the few?" "Anyway, Beckett is good." "He keeps coming up with various gimmicks... to shock the petit bourgeoisie." "I think Colette's father is loaded." "He bought her a new car." "Wants to drive it to Athens over the Christmas holidays... to break it in." "We can take you with us if you like." "You can be our tour guide." "What gives with this Colette?" "I think you're in love with her." "Have you seen her?" "When you see her you'll fall in love with her too." "This isn't theater." "Beckett sells innovation and style." "He says nothing." "And his work is full of long-winded silences." "A play needs silence as well." "Beckett does it on purpose." "To disconcert audiences and make them feel the length of the time... that is going by for his hero." "What's this obsession you Greeks have with Beckett?" "I'm not Greek." "I'm German." "But I do speak a little broken Greek." "Do you think your name means anything in Greek?" "It could, let's say, mean mule..." "Mule?" "No, the name Beckett means nothing in Greek." "It's just that we went and saw his play... and there are many divergent opinions." "Do tell." "What are the views on the play exchanged between you." "We're interested." "We'd like to know what you think too." "What have you got to say?" "Truth be told..." "I too was shocked that you keep the elderly parents in trash cans." "It seems that in your play on the one hand you justify... those who throw their parents in the trash cans... and on the other you evoke pity for the poor old people... who find themselves discarded in trash cans." "In the long run you have no proposal... as to what we should do with the elderly." " Why?" "You do?" " Now you're being unfair." " What are you trying to say?" " Don't bully him." "Just because he's young I should go easy on him?" "What would you propose?" "To tell you what I propose you must first let me... tell you a fairytale told to me by my Granny who died at 105." "Go ahead." "We're listening." "Once upon a time a very old king died and his son and heir... who was fed up with waiting in the sidelines all these years... summoned all the young people to his palace and told them:" "Let's abolish gerontocracy." "If you all agree... go back to your houses and kill your parents." "Let no one be left to control us and keep saying "don't"." "The young people cheered with joy... that they could get rid of their old folk... at the command and responsibility of the king... and went back to their homes and killed their fathers." "Only one young lad didn't do it." "He felt sorry for his old man and hid him in the attic." "Every day he would go up and take food and drink to him... and tell him the news." "Then the wise men from the East came and prophesied... that three evil fates would befall them." "A plague, an earthquake and madness in the waters." "And the first evil - the plague - befell them." "Then the old man in the attic tells the young lad:" "Run to the mountain and gather such and such an herb... so we can make a potion and cure the sick." "The lad went to the mountain, and brought him the herbs..." "They made the potion and he went around with a pitcher... and sprinkled it over the sick and they were cured." "And the plague passed." ""Now," said the lad to his father..." ""the second evil will befall us, an earthquake." "Have you any idea what we should do?"" ""Do what the Abkhazi did..." "As soon as they saw the snakes leaving their burrows... and heading for the countryside they too came out of their homes... and pitched tents in the squares and empty lots... and waited there and the earthquake came and went..." "Houses and mansions you can build again but not people." "Now it was time for the third evil to befall them." "The madness in the waters." "The lad goes to the attic and tells his father:" ""You'd better come up with an idea because all is lost." "The people are on the verge of a revolution to overthrow the king, while others support him and there will be a civil war."" ""Tell that jackass not to drink of the water of wisdom..." "He too must drink of the water of madness,"" "said the old man, "and all will be well."" "The lad took a cup of the water of madness... went straight to the king and said to him: "Drink!"" "And the king who recognized him from his fame that had spread, trusted him and drank of the water of madness... and mingled with the others, a madman among madmen... and instead of a battle, there was wild merrymaking." "Then the king tells him: "It can't be." "You must be hiding something." "As Crown Prince I had the best teachers... and you're providing solutions I couldn't think of." " You have some secret." -"I do," said the lad." "I have the wisdom of the elders." "Remember when you ordered us all to kill our parents?" "Well I disobeyed you." "And now I have him giving me advice." "The king thought for a while and said:" ""In the end you did well to disobey me because now... we have him giving us useful information from the old days." "But I'll tell you something and I want you to listen." "Keep him locked up in the attic and don't let him out." "Because in times of peace and calm he's capable of fucking us all."" "That's what my grandma Serafina told me who died at 105." "A round of whiskey!" "Only a drink from my neck of the woods will do right now!" "You should write that story, young man!" "And turn it into a dance drama!" "Yes, a dance drama!" "Only in the form of a dance drama will it appeal to a broad audience." "Let me introduce you to Colette." "She's very eager to meet you." "How goes the new car?" "It's looking forward to taking you to Greece." "Is this where you hang out?" "What's it called?" "Saint Claudius." "Will you have a seat?" "Max will." "I'll be back another time." "This isn't how I expected you." "How did you expect me?" "I've heard the worst things about the Greeks." "I hope that during the journey you'll prove them all wrong." "What did you think of Colette?" "She doesn't fit the stereotype of young French girls... whose personality is modeled on what they see on television." "Quite the opposite." "Colette has copied hers from literature." "She's a curious cocktail of Balzac, Stendhal, Sartre... and of the songs of Georges Brassens." "I've decided to go to Greece and I'm not coming back." "My life here is over." "After how many years?" "Twelve." "You're leaving your life here and going back?" "I've got see my father while he's still alive." "You're not fooling me, "little Greek"." "You're not leaving because of your father." "There's another reason." "Yes, there is." "Did you write "The father in the attic"?" "I didn't have time." "Well, since you're systematically wasting your time..." "The Sorbonne isn't a waste of time." "What are you doing at the Sorbonne?" "You're not a student any more." "Do you think it's the revolution?" "Think before you reply." "No, I don't." "We fantasize that it's the revolution... but the system is much more powerful than we believe." "Then what are you doing at the Sorbonne?" "Do you go because there are a lot of young girls?" "No way!" "I'm monogamous." "It's a principle I've always adhered to." "Well then why do you go to the Sorbonne?" "Because I like what's happening there." "We should at least lock father up in the attic... or throw him in the trash can." "A beer." "You disappeared." "I haven't seen you in a long time." "I've been around." "Ever since I directed "Godot" myself in Berlin... everyone's asking me to direct my plays." "Do you like to direct?" "I find the whole business rather amusing." "I was looking for you to tell you that I went to Nantes... and began to write "The father in the attic" there." "Good for you!" "But why Nantes?" "I came across a Celtic concert... and heard a fiddle that was truly oriental." "It was played by a lively kid with long hair and a very long bow." "I heard you took a trip to Albania." "I heard you won the Nobel." "I believe you deserved it much more than Sartre did." "Cut the crap." "Those people there can't judge who deserves it and who doesn't." "I'm leaving for Greece in a couple of days." "Good luck." "I'll be thinking of you." "Where's Max?" "I told you I'd be back another time." "I remember." "Have a seat." "What will you have?" "An espresso." " Stretto?" " Regular." "Claudius!" "An espresso..." "lungo." "Who's that?" "He looks just like Beckett." " That is Beckett." " Don't be silly." "Beckett died years ago." "I'm buying the coffee!" "Tell me Markos, do you prefer Greek women... or French women, like me, let's say." "You're not French." "Max says you're a heroine in a novel... and that you've copied your personality... from the songs of Georges Brassens." "How are Greek women different from French women?" " I want to know." " There's a big difference... between French women and Greek, Turkish... and Balkan women...of the races I've tried, I mean." "When they sing they have another range of emotions... one of passion and what we call kapsoura..." " What's kapsoura?" " It's something much stronger... and more passionate than love." "But it has an expiration date." "It ends when one of the parties involved stops exciting the other." "But I can't explain the "theory of kapsoura" in just a few words." " What part of France are you from?" " Limoges." "You know it?" "Of course." "The name Limoges was stamped on the back... of all my Aunt Andromache's china." "I'm a Limousine." "The ladies from Limoges are called Limousines." "Well we call luxury cars limousines." "I don't know why." "I'm going to take a look at the antiquities." "I think Colette invited us on this trip to see how we measure up." "To weigh us up inside her and choose." "Nowadays women try out many guys to find the best one." "And poor Colette has a hard time choosing between... the unpredictable oriental and the orderly westerner." "You're not the classic type of westerner." "I'm not saying I don't fancy her a little." "But I don't much want to get involved with her." "I prefer Greek and Balkan women, the babes of the south..." "even though it's horribly retro." "Deep down I've come with you to help Colette pick you." "The luggage!" "They've stolen our luggage!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Where?" "Don't act like that." "My backpack's missing too." "Relax." "We'll find them." "We'll see." "You're both worthless!" "I want to know where you'll find our luggage and your manuscript..." "l'll find it." " Your optimism's killing me." "I had a buddy whose nickname was "Circle"." "Know why?" "Because he insisted that life is circular... and that logic should also be round and not square." "Manolis's dick is everyone's pick!" "Cockartillery!" "Who are you?" "Why're you following me?" "Are you French?" "I'm Greek like you." "Who taught you these tricks anyway?" "The professor!" "Must be a very amazing guy, this professor." "He is amazing." "I'd like to meet him." "First you take me to the professor." "Okay, I'll take you." "Come with me." "Here we are." "Knock and enter." "What brings you here, Skipper?" "The name's Markos." "I've just come from Paris with a friend of mine... who was dumb enough to come with a brand new car." "And some smartasses forced the trunk open and took the luggage... and with it my backpack which had my manuscript... something I had just begun to write after much thought and toil." "You can't imagine what a hassle it is for me to remember... what I'd written and write it again." " You're a writer?" " I want to be." "This manuscript is of no value to anyone except me." "And what made you think I'd be interested in hearing all this?" "God, or rather the devil, led me to you." " I got a sort of brainwave." " You're a real character." "And what makes you so sure I'll help you?" "What am I asking?" "It's not like this is stuff that can be sold." "Whoever took it will just throw it away." "And I'm afraid that if we don't find whoever took them in time... they'll throw them away." "Did you and your friends go to the police?" "We did." "He declared his luggage." "What was I supposed to declare?" " Useless papers?" " Right." "What could you declare?" "Wait..." "I'll be back in a little while." "Where are you from, buddy?" "Cheers." "I'm from Athens." "I went to Paris to continue my studies and stayed." "An artist, right?" "I'm an artist too... but I practice another art..." "that of transforming people." "You mean you're a makeup artist?" "You could put it that way." "I don't just apply makeup." "I change people's faces and bodies and make them look different." "I even make people behave differently... so that you think they're different from what they are." "In other words you're also a director." "You could put it that way." "Anyway I'm a master of my craft." "And where did you learn it." "Well it's definitely not something you learn at university..." "or drama school or film school." " Where do you learn it?" "You know my father came from a small village in Nafpaktia." "As a kid he left and went to Patras." "That's where I was born." "But in the summers I'd go to the village, to my grandparents." "It was from them that I learned my craft." "When I began to have a sense of myself," "I had the travel bug inside me, to travel all over the world." "So I left and went to Brindisi and other parts of Italy." "And one day in Milan I met a prestidigitator..." "You know one versed in the art of sleight-of-hand..." "From him I learnt tricks that make people both wonder and laugh." "Then I went to Rome." "I cased the streets... and saw I could work the craft my grandparents taught me." "There was a demand for it." "So I sat and organized it... and as you can see I became "the professor"." "What made you think there was a demand for your grandpa's craft..." "on the streets of Rome?" " Good question." "My dear Markos, Rome has always relied on the big tourist industry... and the smaller industries that support tourism... that feed it." "Cinema is one of them." "And the other supplementary tourism industry is beggary." "And it has an ancient tradition." "There have always been schools for beggars in poor neighborhoods." "The poorest parents could always send their kids to these places... to be taught how to take money from the tourists." "Of course there were also schools for petty thieves, pickpockets... but the thief's profession is not like that of the beggar's." "The beggar's profession is difficult and dangerous." "Very often they would mutilate the children... and make them real cripples." "They'd chop off their legs, their hands, pluck out their eyes... and they suffered their whole lives." "Never mind the fact that they also tortured them." "I met mothers begging with nursing babies in their arms... and as soon as a customer approached... they'd prick the baby's bottom with a needle so it would cry... and the passerby would feel sorry for them and give them money." "But I brought innovation." "I taught the kids how to pretend to be cripples... even though they weren't... and without anything happening to them." "I founded the Athenian School." "I changed the craft from its foundations." "You could teach acting at drama school." "Yes I did get an offer to do that." "Federico Fellini asked me... to teach various tricks to the actors in one of the films he was making." "He wanted me to go to Cinecitta as a professor..." "but I declined." " Why?" "Don't be an idiot." "The Tax Office would have been after me." "I want nothing to do with the authorities and the state." "I believe in iniziativa privata..." "how do you say it?" "Private enterprise." "That's it." "That's what I believe in." "Anyone who thinks the people and the state are the same thing... is dead wrong." "That's not the way things are." "The state could change... it could be destroyed and another identical one take its place." "And only self-important pricks who want to wield power care." "All those who have learnt the art of life and want to live... they don't care about the state because the state... and those who serve it are fly-by-nighters... who deal with temporary and ephemeral things." "That's it, my young compatriot!" "Do you have a lot of apprentices?" "Yes, of course I have." "Many dozens to date." " What ages are we talking about?" " From 4 to 15." "But the older kids aren't productive." "They're slow learners." "So we're talking about little kids who're exploited by their parents!" "Exploited is a big word." "You know on the streets they wise up very quickly... and learn to go into business for themselves." "Ten years of begging are enough to make their family rich... and their own future secure." "Many of them don't feel exploited." "You know at first they see it as a game... then they acquire a work ethic... that, believe me, is no different from that of other professionals." "You didn't tell us you're interested in painting, Professor." "In an amateurish way." "You see junk dealers are illiterate... and antique dealers are big whores who swindle junk dealers." "So I help junk dealers know more or less what they come by." "A real standup guy!" " Les lmpressionistes." " Don't tell me you learnt French?" "When you know Italian, French is a cinch." "And if I were to ask you, between us... which of the great painters is your favorite?" "El Greco." "Who else?" "I love the Greeks." "I've helped a lot of people." "I've helped hundreds of poor families who had nothing... to have a slice of the tourism pie." "I helped some students get an education... and others to become actors in the theater and in film." "And I'm continuing to work so money gets spread around... and doesn't end up only in big pockets." "First you'll have a whiskey and then you leave." "I have a class in a little while." "I won't drink any more." "Don't insist, Professor." "But I can't hide the fact that I'd be very interested... if you'd let me sit in on one of your classes." "I will, but not today." "I've got to prep them first... because some of them are little savages... and they'll buck at the presence of a stranger." " You tell me when to come." "l'll send word." "I'll find you wherever you are." "We'll see to your friend's luggage too." "I was going to mention it..." "if you can do something... but you beat me to it." " So long Markos." " So long, Professor." "Where did you find it?" "So you see how the streets treat good guys who trust them." "Could it be you set the thieves on us?" "Only hicks are so distrustful." "Check your family tree and see if your grandma screwed some hick." " What about our luggage?" " We'll find it." "It will be a miracle!" "Come along, Aristides." "Get up." "Grab the crutches and show us how you act the cripple." "Come along, son." "Come on, boy." "Dangle your leg a bit." "Turn it inwards." "That's right." "Good job." "A bit more." "Good boy." "Now take little steps." "No, no, don't let your leg get away from you." "That's right." "Come along." "A bit more." " Lock it." " I can't, Professor." "You can." "Sure you can." "I don't want to hear nonsense." "Come on." "Now you've got it." "Perfect." "You're perfect!" "See how easy it is, kids?" "Now who'll show us?" "Would you like to have a go, Antigone?" "Come along, Antigone, twist your leg." "I can't!" "You can't!" "Okay then dangle it." "Show her Aristides." "Take it easy, son." "You'll break it." "Just show her." "She'll do it on her own." "That's right, little girl." "Come along." "Try." "Come on." "A bit more." "You're doing fine." "Well done!" "Here's your luggage, Monsieur Max." "What did you think of our class?" "From a pedagogical standpoint I found it impeccable... and indeed very modern." "You made it seem like a game, pleasant for the children... and I'm certain that this way it's also more effective." "But I have my doubts as regards the purpose... the goal of such a class." "Because it clearly serves... the exploitation of one person by another." "The exploitation of tourists by the children... and of the children by their parents." "And, in the final analysis, my exploitation of the children," "their parents and tourists." " Yes, something like that." "Don't be so absolute and don't exaggerate." "No one is exploiting anyone." "It's so obvious you're a Northerner... and don't understand the Mediterranean mentality." "Beggary isn't exploitation, my dear fellow." "Of course if you judge the intent and motive of the beggar... beggary does seem like exploitation." "The beggar is messing with your mind when he arouses your pity... so he can extract some change from you." "But don't judge a beggar by his intentions." "Go deeper." "A beggar tickles your pity... but at the same time makes you feel guilty... because you have money and he doesn't." "He's a constant reminder of social inequality... which, as long as it exists, you, a sensitive person... can't rest easy, consume blithely." "He reminds you that there are those around you who suffer... because they have no money." "He reminds you that there are those who really have nothing... and who don't become beggars because they are too proud... and don't want to confess to others that they have nothing." "Because they lack the strength to lay themselves open to others." "Laying yourself open is no easy matter, my good man... the way a beggar lays himself open... or, for that matter, the way an actor lets himself open." "What do I owe?" "100 Euros." "I didn't charge Markos anything... because he never asked what he owed me." "He realized I did what I did out of pleasure... because I appreciated his intelligence in coming to me... the only one who could help him out." "But you feel you owe something and since you do, you'll pay." "Not for me but for the kids who took a needless risk... breaking into your car and for the kids who dragged... your luggage all the way here." "I think they deserve a tip." "Of course, of course they deserve it." "But you deserve something too!" "It's yours." "I'm glad to have met you guys." "Same here." "My dear Markos, I'm glad that there are Greeks like you." "I'll remember you always and I hope you'll remember me too." "There's no way I'll forget you, Professor." "And hey!" "Keep believing in miracles!" "Sing us a Greek song, Markos!" "Blessed art Thou, 0 Lord, teach me Thy rights." "Theodorakis?" "Blessed art Thou, 0 Lord, teach me Thy rights." "The rhythmic word is the word of God." "The arrhythmic word is the word of man, perhaps of the devil." "What's that you just said?" "Nothing, nothing just a momentary flash." "A flash." "There's a French proverb that says:" "A piss without a fart is like a parade without a trumpet." "You don't say, man!" "A German who knows French proverbs!" "That's not something you find every day!" " I'm a citizen of the world." " And I'm exactly the opposite." "Despite everything I'm disappointed." "I'll never be able to win Colette." "She seems to prefer you." "I can see that." "I came along to help you." "To exert my influence on Colette so she chooses you." "Don't forget that." "Love triangles aren't my thing." "I told you, I'm monogamous." "Norman Mailer." "I remember you from Deia in Majorca..." "We had several talks with your friend the writer..." "what was his name?" " I'm sorry, Mr. Mailer..." "I was preoccupied and didn't see you." "So was I. That's why we collided." "Let me introduce my friend Markos." "He wants to be a writer too." "What sort of writer do you want to be?" "Who're you hunting for in this wilderness?" "I'm not hunting for anyone." "You're wrong not to be hunting for anyone." "We should hunt for our heroes." "Colette..." "Mr. Norman Mailer." "Colette is from Limoges." "From Limoges?" "And you're on a pilgrimage to Mani?" "Yes, we're going in pilgrim style but by car..." "not on foot like real pilgrims." " What does it matter?" "I'm going by car too, to see some friends who live near here." "Then we could all go together." "A convoy." "Not a bad idea." "My friends are bookworms" "Not that we have anything in particular to say..." "But now that I think about it, it wouldn't be a bad idea... for you to meet them." "You look like an adventurous young man." "And my Canadian friend was a real adventure hunter in his youth." "I'm looking for heroes for my new book and I can't come up with any." "All those I know are horribly conventional, carbon copies..." "They either sell their souls to the devil or go for the big bucks." "On the contrary, my Canadian friend... was a terrific adventure hunter in is youth... that was before for some unknown reason he settled here... where he cultivates his garden with some friend of his..." "I think he's Greek..." "And you might find him interesting." "Yes, yes, I'd like to meet him." "And the Greek sounds interesting too, otherwise... why would an adventurer like the Canadian want him around?" "You're right." "You've got to hunt for your heroes." "Those worth making the heroes of a novel." "Those who seek to lead extraordinary lives... whose actions could be exemplary." "You don't have any contemporary heroes in Greece." "Just Zorba." "Isn't that a pity?" "After all, you're adventurous guys and truly the stuff of fiction... so why don't your writers create heroes?" "Perhaps because Greek writers are themselves the stuff of fiction... who deserve to be heroes in novels." "In Greece people adore writers more than the heroes they create." "You've got a heavy burden from the past that ties you down... and prevents you from going beyond a Hercules, an Achilles... an Ulysses, an Alexander the Great, an Antigone, a Medea." "That's why I can't stand ancient heroes." "They tie you down!" "If only we just had contemporary heroes." "A Faust, a Jean Valjean, a Sherlock Holmes... familiar, down-to-earth heroes..." "without much philosophizing." "A healthy reaction from a modern Greek..." "who wants to be a great writer." " That's what I'm trying to be." "And since I can't and I don't want to be the hero of my own books..." "I remain an observer." "Who's this old fart you've brought along with us?" "He's Norman Mailer, the great American writer." "Really?" "That vile antifeminist?" "What annoys me about you writers... is that you want to make your quirks a model for everyone." "You have someone in mind?" "I read Dostoevsky's letters to his wife." "Apparently he had a gambling addiction and he'd write... asking her to forgive his obsession." "And he'd promise he wouldn't gamble again." "If I were in her place I'd have divorced him right from the start!" "The bastard!" "How can you be such a great writer and spend your money in casinos... and let your girlfriend go hungry?" "You become a such a great writer too and we'll forgive... whatever fool things come into your perverted head!" "You never said you were such a big fan of that male chauvinist," "God rest his soul..." "What have you got to say, Max?" "I insist that there should be a punishment for every crime... and that even an idiot should be punished." "Mr. Mailer, may I ask an indiscreet question?" "Go right ahead, my girl." "I have nothing to hide." "And indiscretion means nothing to me anyway." "Tell me, was Marilyn Monroe good in bed or was all this myth... of the sex bomb created by the film industry and the tabloids?" "What can I tell you?" "Marilyn was a working-class girl like all the others." "She was nothing special as far as sex was concerned." "She had a tragic charm because she was all alone in her struggle... against the Puritanism of the American establishment." "I appreciated her struggle and fancied her as a woman... and as a person... but she was no big deal as far as sex was concerned." "Will you be long where you're going?" "I'm going to drop in on a friend." "I suggested Markos come with me." "Because my friend lives with a strange Greek." "Would you like to come with us?" "Come along." "We have nothing to hide." "No, I met one Greek and that's enough for me." "I want nothing to do with this species of anthropoid." "What you need my girl is someone to fuck you... and knock some sense into you." "In your dreams you old fart!" "I said it's what you need." "I didn't say I'd do it." "You did." "Should I take it as a challenge as well as an invitation?" "Take it any way you like." "Watch out because I beat people." "I don't fool around." "Just you try laying a hand on me, you old male chauvinist!" "Come on now." "That's enough flirting!" "See you at the hotel in an hour." "Would you believe that old fart wanting to fuck me?" " Shut up!" "You came on to him!" " Me?" "You've got to be kidding!" " I heard you very clearly." " You heard wrong." " You did something..." " Me?" "I didn't do anything." "Yes you did." "I didn't do anything." "He's the one who kept hitting on me." "What were you talking about all this time with the Greek?" "In Pilio I'd heard a story about a man... who vanished in broad daylight." "He left his flip flops on the beach, waded into the sea, and no one ever saw him again." "They had divers searching in the waters, on the rocks, the reefs..." "Nothing." "His body was never found." "There were many who said he may have been eaten by a shark..." "Others said he had arranged with the divers on a dinghy... who put him aboard a ship and he left the country... to get away from his bossy wife who made his life a living hell." "All of a sudden it crossed my mind that this Greek is the same guy... who vanished then in the Pagasitikos Gulf." "They said his wife took the flip flops... and placed them on the icon stand." "You're a good storyteller." "I bet you came up with that image of the flip flops on the icon stand." "I like it, kid!" "What would you like to do with your life from now on?" "I'd like to acquire an in-depth knowledge of the art of writing." "I'd like to hear what you have to say about literature." "Literature, literature, literature." "What's this obsession... with literature that's gotten into everyone all of a sudden?" "Describing who you saw, who you met, who you fucking and how... that's literature." "I believe that literature is answering the burning questions..." "that torment people." " Nicely said." "Therefore you know what you want to do." "You don't need advice." "Yes but I'd like to take advantage of your experience." "May we ask you something?" "Is Saint Andreas far from here?" "I, Sir, am a Communist." "Fuck the saints." "What made you break with tradition and leave the house?" "We thought since you're here we'd take advantage and see you again." " Max..." " Hello." " And Colette." " Hello." "Hello." "I know what you want to tell me..." "Not to tell anyone in your village on Mount Pilio that I ran into you." "Yes, please." "No, I haven't committed a crime, anything illegal." "It's my life I want to protect." "My life." "You know I discovered that after a certain age women in Pilio... kill their husbands." "I mean with fine, slight gestures they lead them straight to death." "Fine..." "So in the end it's everyone man for himself." "I don't know." "Do you understand what I'm saying." "I do." "I understand what you want to say." "I observed it too." "But it it's not just in Pilio." "It happens more often in the down country." "Don't worry." "My lips are sealed." " The lady will never find out." " Thank you." "Thank you Markos, you're a very good person." " That's the man with the flip flops?" " That's him." "So he wasn't devoured by any passing shark." "He took the Canadian and brought him along... because when we first met he let slip where he was from." "Then he thought about it and was scared I might say something... in his village in Pilio and his folks find out his whereabouts." " He asked for my discretion." " You're amazing." "Since we solved the question of David's friend's past... we're finished." "We can go home." "So long, Colette." "I've come to appreciate both your backtalk and your boldness." "Yes but you didn't dare give me a thrashing." "That goes with fucking, isn't that what we said?" "It's an honor to make love with a great writer... who has seduced the likes of a Marilyn Monroe." "That's a golden lover." "You're not stealing my girlfriend from right under my eyes!" "She's stark raving mad." "Don't antagonize her." "What's that the man's saying?" "I'm your girlfriend and I don't know about it?" "We said we'd be friends but this is going too far." "I'll do whatever my friend Markos says." "Grab Solomon's sword and judge and whatever you say we'll do." "Are you sure you'll abide by whatever I tell you?" "Absolutely sure." "As an Oriental I believe in the right of the group... but also in the right of every egocentric individualist." "I accept that everyone has the right to do whatever crazy thing.." "He gets in his head as long as he doesn't infringe on the right... of the group and in this instance I believe we'd all feel bad... knowing that you two are fucking and we're sitting here like jerks... waiting when you'll do us the favor and ejaculate." "We'd also feel somewhat like co-conspirators... in this sudden sexual activity which arose suddenly and oddly... through an irrelevant dialogue and not through the normal grooves... of sex or love..." "That's why in the name of the group I adjure you not to do it." "That's the judgment of Solomon as I see it." "I said and crowed and sin have I not..." "What gave you the idea that Norman Mailer... was humping Marilyn Monroe?" "You're confusing Norman Mailer with Arthur Miller." " You're clueless." " You're clueless." "Marilyn was involved with Mailer before she married Miller." "If you want to know he's not the famous American writer." "I let you believe he was to impress you." "He's someone I met in Majorca who was pretending to be Mailer... because he bore such a striking resemblance to him... and everyone nicknamed him Norman Mailer." "I knew that." "I'm hitching a ride back." "I got a call that my father is ill." " So, is it over?" " It's never over." "We'll go on with our vacation." "And then Max and I are going to Limoges to get married." "So long, Limousine!" "I would never have married you." "You're too oriental." "You still believe in miracles." "Thank you my friend." "You kept the promise... that you came with us to help Colette to choose me." "As you can see it didn't require much effort!" "Doesn't Claudius work here any more?" "I'm an old customer." "The cafe changed management years ago." " You're looking for someone?" " Mr. Samuel Beckett." "A gentleman with cropped hair like a brush." "I'm sorry I don't know anyone with that name." "May I leave a note for him in case he shows up and asks for it?" "Of course, Sir." "May I have an espresso?" "Stretto..." "The waiter didn't even know his name..." "He may be very old now and hiding in an attic." "My own father died in his seven years ago." "I've lost the wisdom of the elders... but I've begun to grow dangerously old myself." "Mr. Beckett," "I kept my Word." "I finished the dance drama I promised." ""The father in the attic"..." "But the situation in Greece is such... that I don't believe it will be published or performed... at least not for the next 30 years." "Good night." "The little Greek." "Mr. Samuel Beckett" "Translated by Elly Petrides"