"Previously on Nip / Tuck:" "As you can see, here is the cautery tip... you left inside my client's stomach after her tummy tuck." "What kind of reparations are you looking for?" "From now on, no matter what the operation... there'll be no charge." "Why couldn't you just love me?" "I've never loved anyone." "Christian Troy, James Sutherland." "Wilber's father." "His real one." "All right, you are now officially a prune... and it is way past your bedtime." "What's this, honey?" "Is this blood?" "It's a mosquito bite." "I thought the ibuprofen was in the kitchen." "Honey, maybe Daddy would like to see your mosquito bite." "My baby's got a bite?" "There's some blood on her underwear." "Some spotting." "How did the mosquito get in your underwear, honey?" " I forgot." "They're Torie's underwear." " Who's Torie?" "Suzanne Epstein's daughter." "They're in school together." "Sweetheart, these are your underwear." "We bought them together, remember?" "Right." " Is something wrong?" " No, sweetheart." "It's just that you're starting puberty." "What's puberty?" "Lunchtime lipo on a high-school senior." "Amazing." "Nobody wants a rah-rah girl with cellulite." "The patient's aiming for a cheerleading scholarship at USF." "Unfortunately, we live in a world where smooth thighs matter." "We should start offering liposuction to overweight newborns." "Get those tubby 10-pounders started off right." "That was a joke, fellas." "You both look like someone stole your firstborn." "Well, they're certainly trying." "Gina tracked down Wilber's biological father." "A blood test confirmed paternity... and now he's decided to align himself with her in the custody hearing." "Two biological parents is a pretty stacked deck, Christian." "A drunken happy-hour hookup... does not give this guy any moral advantage over me, Sean." "Biological or not, Wilber's my son." "I was just trying to make a point that biological realities... are pretty difficult to dispute." "Case in point, Annie started premenstrual spotting." "Annie's eight." "She's too young for puberty." "Not with the bovine growth hormones in meat and milk products." "We looked it up online this morning." "Jesus." "I was supposed to have 15 years to prepare myself... for my little girl becoming a woman." "She's barely out of pajamas with feet." "How did this happen?" "Good job, gentlemen." "Our patient doesn't look a day over 13." "The girls love a good princess event." "Now, I have nine regular crowns... and then, one special one to crown our little Princess Menses." "Annie, in this case." "Suzanne, are you sure the princess theme... is the best way to introduce puberty and menstruation..." "This is my fourth Princess Menses tea party, Julia." "Trust me, I know whereof I speak." "I just thought we'd take a more empowering kind of approach." "Get off the high horse with me, Julia." "Last time you tried that, you and your Pilates tranny got bucked big time." "Now, I am here to help out because Annie and Torie are friends... not because I value your opinions." "Sweetie, I think you need contacts." "You must be legally blind not to notice how good my skin is looking these days." "I'm sorry, Suzanne." "I just assumed you'd got shot up again with BOTOX." "I cancelled my standing BOTOX appointment... once I discovered flax seed oil." "Reverses the aging process." "Torie's hormonal horror was a secret mitzvah for me." "We switched from hormone-laced meats and dairies to all organic foods... and now suddenly, I look 10 years younger." "And this, anti-aging diet really works?" "For the whole family, I mean?" "Healthy food is the new plastic surgery." "Who knew?" "Tell me what you don't like about yourself today, Mrs. Grubman." " My knees." " Your knees?" "Thanks to scrupulous due diligence, I have the face and body of a woman half my age." "My knees give me away." "They're bony, and they sag like a couch in a crack den." "If you'd like to tone the vastus medialis, Mrs. Grubman..." " I could recommend some exercises." " Please." "Who has time to exercise?" "You'll do a touch of a lipo to smooth out the dimpling... thin the bone and then plump it all out with some collagen." "Well, don't just sit there." "Pull out the appointment book." "Do you lie awake at night dreaming up ways to torture your body... and us, Mrs. Grubman?" "Spare me the moralistic lecture, Dr. Troy." "If I were paying... you'd have me on the books faster than shit goes through a goose." "You've had 10 procedures in the last six months." " It's upkeep." " At this point, it's paleontology." "Mrs. Grubman, you have a plastic surgery addiction problem." "Consider this your intervention." "Open that book and schedule me right now, Dr. Troy... or I'll tell the world you left an instrument in my stomach... during my tummy tuck last year." "Mrs. Grubman, the threats need to stop." "Do not underestimate my wrath, fellas." "Or we will have no choice but to leak this appointment book... and all the macabre, sad operations... that you've literally forced us to do, at knifepoint... to Women's Wear Daily." "I need that knee lift." "I do not want to give up wearing miniskirts." "Not now." "Not this season." "Mrs. Grubman, I apologize if our tough-love approach here... was too tough." "But, honestly, we're just looking out for your best interests." "That's not why I'm crying." "My daughter has cancer." "Thirty years old, and she has stage three breast cancer." " It's in the lymph nodes." " Mrs. Grubman, I'm so sorry." "I asked the oncologist, "How could this be?"" "Grandmothers get cancer, not daughters." "He said he didn't know why." "She lives under power lines." "She takes birth control pills." "She's always on her cell phone." "You ever noticed how everything... that's supposed to improve our lives is killing us?" "And me." "I've had my good years." "But my daughter is a single mother." "Who's going to raise little Isabella?" "Not the worthless turd who ran out on them." "That leaves me." "Oh, God." "Can you imagine me raising a 4-year-old?" "I'm too goddamn old to start over." "I mean I'm 45." "Mrs. Grubman, under the circumstances, don't you think... this perhaps, could be a less than desirable time... to schedule cosmetic surgery?" "On the contrary, Dr. Troy." "We are facing a mastectomy, chemo, hair loss... and I say "we"... because she's not that strong." "I spoiled her rotten." "So call me shallow." "Call me pathetic." "But beauty is my strength and my armor." "And I owe it to my girl to look like a million goddamn bucks." "That's how we're going to get through this." "How's Thursday at 7:00?" "We need to talk." "My lawyer has advised me not to talk to you." "How about if I do the talking?" "Gina's had 292 sexual partners in the last three years." "She's not fit to be this baby's mother." "You went through her diary." " James, that's not very nice." " She left the damn thing out." "I can't leave a defenseless child with this lady." "You're taking him back to Arizona?" "Listen, Christian." "I've tried to imagine the conversation with my wife... where I tell her that after 39 years of marriage..." "I had a one-night stand, and now we must raise another child." "I don't see that conversation taking place." "You love this baby." "You should raise him." "I'd like to help you get custody." " May I?" " Yes." "I missed you so much." "I did." "You want to help me get custody of this baby, James?" " Get me the diary." " I can do that." "There's something else you need to know." "She's calling character witnesses to discredit your reputation." "What are you getting at?" "Someone from your past." "A blonde lady with a disturbing story about a knife." "Ring a bell?" "Kimber." "Her name is Kimber." "Annie McNamara, we crown you..." "Princess Menses." "You are now part of a very special club." "Thanks, Mrs. Epstein." "Okay, royal ones... now that we've learned about the changes your body will go through..." "I'm going to tell you a little story." "Daddy!" "Hey!" "I decided this was something I had to see." " That all right?" " We're thrilled, aren't we, girls?" "Excuse me, Julia." "There's never been a male at a Princess Menses tea before." "Well, I'm her prince." "Yeah." "Daddy can be my prince, Mrs. Epstein." "Ready for the story, girls?" "Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Menses... a princess was playing with her handmaidens." "She had just begun menstruating... and she was showing them how to use a tampon and a pad... just like we learned today." "A prince just happened to pass by, and he thought to himself:" ""This princess is so totally hot!"" "And he went up to her and said, "Hey, baby, I'm a prince." "Let's hang. "" "It's Christian." "Confirming lunch today." "I'm really looking forward to seeing you again." "But the prince was really a wolf." "The princess didn't care." "She put on a cute little outfit and off she went to meet the prince." "The prince told her she looked totally dope... and led her to his crib." "Where is she taking this?" ""Take off your clothes, Princess," said the prince." "Pressed up against him, the princess felt a hard bulge." "And the princess replied:" ""Do you know what?" "You're a wolf, not a prince. "" ""And I don't play with liars." "So there, wolfie. "" "And then they all played Monopoly and lived happily ever after." "Juice and gluten-free cookies on the table." "Suzanne, that was totally over the top." "We were doing just fine until you walked in." "Your presence made the girls uncomfortable, and I knew that it would." "Suzanne, I think I speak for Julia and myself... when I tell you I don't want my 8-year-old knowing graphic sexual intimacies." "I get it." "You want your baby to stay innocent for as long as she can." "Yes." "We do." "News flash, Julia." "Those little angels are dripping with hormones." "If you don't think the older boys can smell it... then you and your daughter are in for a very rude awakening." "Why are you fighting?" "Good to see you." "Cut the crap, Christian." "I know why you wanted to see me." "You invited me to lunch so you could sweet-talk me... into keeping my mouth shut at your custody deposition." "That'll never happen." "I'm starving." "Let's order." "When was the last time you had a meal, sweetheart?" "Have you been taking care of yourself?" "You look a little..." "My life couldn't be better, Christian." "What are you living on since you and Merrill split the sheets?" "That relationship was totally holding me back." "I've been transitioning into acting." "It's so rewarding to do more than stand there and pose." "Now I get to stand there and speak." " Good for you." " You're patronizing me?" "You never did give me one ounce of credit." "I want to know what it's going to take to get you on my side." "A goddamn miracle, for starters." "I can't lose Wilber, Kimber." "I love him too much." "You couldn't love anybody." "Your heart's made of granite." "You have every right to believe that." "But I am a different man now, since I had a kid." "I look at him, Kimber, and I just..." "I'm lost." "His love is so pure and unconditional." "It's like he's opened up my heart." "Why couldn't you love me like that, Christian?" "I was so good to you." "I could still be good for you." "Remember our sex together?" "You said I was the best sex you ever had." "We could live together again." "We could try it again." "And when you're working, I could be like your maid or something." "Can't you try and love me again?" "No." "I have to be able to live with myself now." "I'm Wilber's father." "Excuse me." "Shit!" "What took you so long?" "Your straw get clogged?" "The world isn't on your time clock, Christian." "There was a line in the ladies' room." " Several, I'm sure." " You gave me a migraine." "Waiter." "Could you get me a glass of chardonnay?" "Great." "Chardonnay ought to put you right back on track." "FYI, I met some movie producers who think I'm the bomb... and they can't wait to get into the Kimber Henry business." "Jesus, Kimber." "You can take your holier-than-thou bullshit... and shove it up your ass, Christian." "I've decided to testify against you." "You're going to go down once and for all." "Oh, my God." "What's going on?" "Oh, my God." "Aduki beans purify the blood and flush out toxins." "They also help strengthen the female organs... and according to Chinese folk wisdom... the aduki bean is considered a source of courage... that helps people meet challenges bravely." "Yeah, but where do I get the courage to take the first bite?" "You're a big boy, Matt." "Just do it." "You first, Dad." "It's quite tasty, Jules." "Okay, look, all I'm asking for is a week." "One week's commitment to a new way of eating... that will benefit all of us in the long run." "Annie, honey, what do you think?" "I think this soup tastes gross." " Maybe I added too much brewer's yeast." " Brewer's yeast?" "That's what people give their dogs." "Look, I'm making a grilled cheese." "Anyone else?" "Your mother's gone through a lot of trouble to prepare a healthy feast." "You're not making a grilled cheese sandwich." "You're not making it because there's no cheese." "Dairy products are loaded with hormones these days... just like our meat and our chicken." "Welcome to the 21st century." "Hijiki seaweed?" "Umeboshi paste?" "Flax seed oil?" "I'm sorry, but I should not have to eat dog food... because you're worried about Little Princess Pubes over there." "Matt, sit down and eat your dinner." "Annie, under the heading of, "things Mom might not remember to mention. "" " Don't wear white pants." " Matt." " Why not?" " Well... there was this girl in the sixth grade, Becky Sledick." "Becky was wearing white pants on the day she got her first visit from Aunt Flow." "She had this big old blood stain on her butt." "Becky Bull's Eye." "We call her that to this very day." "I don't want to get a stain." " You're excused." " No, stay." "I want to talk to you." "Annie, go start your homework." "We'll check in a minute." " What is going on with you?" " I'm sorry." "That's not good enough." "You're acting like an asshole." "Look, I just don't want to eat weird shit for dinner, okay?" "You both are so hypocritical, as if it's her hormones you're worried about... the truth is you're just being narcissists." "You're both just freaked out about getting older yourselves." "Good night." "That was a success." "Tomorrow night, we'll have seaweed and see what fun that unleashes." " Maybe he needs to see a therapist." " He needs to be told to shape up." "Sean, this has been going on since that whole Henry thing." "I think he needs to talk to someone." "Maybe Ava." "Maybe she could help him to open up a little." "If she can teach him the difference between acceptable and unacceptable... ways of behaving toward one's family, I'm all for it." "By the way, I'm wondering if Matt wasn't the tiniest bit right." "Is the new regime for little girls or big girls?" "It's a good thing you had these in your purse." "Tilt your head back." "Congratulations, Kimber." "Your little coke jag has hollowed out your septum... and eaten a good deal of your nasal cartilage." "Speak English." "You got a hole in your nose the size of a quarter, sweetheart." "It is not a pretty sight, nor are you." "You look like dog shit." "You know what?" "People were talking shit to me before the drugs." "I am too old." "Models are dinosaurs at 25." "Well, I'm an actress." "The older I get, the more interesting I get." " Sharon Stone was 32 before she hit it big." " Sharon Stone also had a nose." "The sound of wind whistling through her bombed-out nasal passages... didn't distract the fans." "You're a drug addict, Kimber." "Keep on going like this, and there'll be no career... and no Prince Charming to climb the trellis and save you." "What am I supposed to do?" "I have no money." "I have no insurance." "I'm screwed." "Then today's your lucky day, sweetheart." "Prince Charming is right here and offering the deal of a lifetime." "I'll rebuild your septum, gratis... and you tell Gina you won't take the stand." "We'll both get our dreams." "Hair dye." "I read the darker colors cause non-Hodgkin's lymphoma." "Diet sodas." "Jules says they concentrate formaldehyde in fat cells... and prevent weight loss." "She's rocky." "Her blood pressure's all over the place." "What about surfing?" "The ocean is full of toxic waste which causes cancer." "The game is things people do to stay young that make them old." "People surf to stay young." "After this operation..." "Grubman is not going to be able to walk for a month... which means she can't help her daughter when she needs her the most." "We are playing into pure narcissism here." "We're surgeons, Liz." "Not shrinks." "Is she stabilizing?" "I'm giving her 10 cc's of ephedrine." "Holy shit, she's in v-fib." "I'm getting the crash cart." "200 joules." "Charge to 200." "Clear." "Charge to 300." "Clear." "Come on." "Charge to 360." "360, charge." "Give me an amp of epi." "Clear." "300 milligrams of amidodarone." "Come on." "You're not going to die on me, you crazy bitch." "What are we going to do if she dies, Sean?" "Don't make out the death certificate yet." "We don't even know what happened." "I know what happened in there." "You two mutilating mercenaries ought to have your licenses revoked." "You must be Claire." "I'm Christian Troy." "Why didn't you say no?" "She didn't need any more work done." "How could you indulge her?" "Typical." "I get cancer, and my own mother has to top me." "If there's an ounce of negligence on your part, you will pay." "How is she?" "She suffered a massive intercerebral hemorrhage en route." " Just tell me if she's going to make it." " She is." "But she suffered some paralysis." "Her speech will probably be slurred, so be prepared." "There's nothing to cause increased blood pressure... so we ordered tests." " We're very thorough." " I know, it's not your doctor's fault." "This would not have shown up on the pre-op lab work." "But we found traces of phenelzine in her blood." "MAO Inhibitors, they don't mix well with anesthesia, as you know." "An antidepressant?" "She didn't list that on her chart or during her pre-op interview." " Why would she keep that a secret?" " Because she just started taking them." "She felt a lot of shame about that." "It always comes down to vanity with her." "I imagine that she was trying to be strong, so she could be there for you." "Not my mother." "She started the antidepressant at least a month ago." "Way before my cancer earned me a spot on her to-do list." "Have you got any idea why she was depressed?" "I would think that you could diagnose that in your sleep, Doctors." "God knows you made a fortune off of it." "My mother was deeply depressed about aging." "The perfect 10 looks like 10 miles of bad road." "What happened to her?" "Time hasn't been good to Kimber." "Neither was I." "Come in." "Look, I just want to say I don't..." " What's going on?" " Your sister's not feeling well." "This is insane." "They still have me on hold." "What's wrong with her?" "I'm not sure what." "Her fever's going up." "Julia, hand me that blanket." "Sit up, honey." "We're gonna wrap her up, and take her to the ER." "She's going to need hydrating, anyway." "Between her breeding party... and the travelogue of sexcapades in her diary... we have an excellent cross section of inappropriate sexual partners." "Jeremy, I was dead serious when I said whatever it takes." "My intention is to bring this bitch to her knees." "Which, ironically, happens to be her favorite position." " It's nice to meet you, Mr. Sutherland." " All right." "Thanks." "You got it." "I got a good feeling about this, James." "This guy Saddler's tough." "Christian, it makes me uneasy... to hear you talking like this in front of Wilber." "You don't want him to grow up thinking his mother is a whore, do you?" "James, I need you on board here." "Litigation's hardball, and I intend on winning." "I guess you're right." "What do I know?" "Hey, guy, come here." "By the way, I've been meaning to ask you." "What is your religious affiliation?" "Well, James, I was raised Catholic." "Still go to church?" "No." "Before I leave I'd like to see my son baptized." "Is there a church you'd like to do it in?" "102, this is not good." "I'll begin hydration and start her on Compazine to stop the vomiting." " I want a CAT scan." " I'll go order a CAT scan." "What is he, 12?" "Am I going to die?" "No, sweetheart, you're not going to die." "This is just a bad flu." "Chew on these ice chips, honey." " What's wrong?" " I can't feel it." "Can you feel this?" "Can you feel this, Princess?" "Honey, Mommy's going to look between your legs, okay?" "Extremity numbness is a symptom of toxic shock." "Bend your knees, honey." "Don't." "I need it." "Why were you trying out one of Mommy's tampons?" "Matt said I was going to leave a stain." "I don't want to." "I don't want to get old and bleed." "Hello, Mrs. Grubman." " I came by to see how you're doing." " Liar." "Don't worry, I'm not going to sue you." " Is this a bad time?" " No." "She could use a break." "Come on." "I'm not a child." " So, you looked good on those bars." " Who are you kidding?" "I can't walk." "I can't feed myself." "I need you to do something for me, Dr. Troy." "Fix my face." "This time I can't." "You've had neurological damage, and I can't lift that, and I can't repair it." "I'm sorry." "So that's it, then." "I lost the race." " Who were you running against?" " Time." "Hand me my purse, would you?" "Just because I feel dead doesn't mean I have to look embalmed." "Here." "Here." "Let me help you." " You have a baby, right?" " A boy." "His name is Wilber." "You look like a kid when you say his name." "Now the cheeks." "We're not that different, you and I." "Don't miss out on his childhood... because you're too busy looking in the mirror." "There." "That's my beautiful girl." "I need one more surgery." " Mrs. Grubman, I told you I can't..." " No, not for me." "Claire's breast reconstruction." "Of course." "Here we are." "Are you mad at me?" "No, sweetheart." "I'm just sad you were so scared of getting older." "Are you sad about getting older?" "Sometimes." "But yet there are some wonderful things about getting older, too." "Really?" "Like what?" "Well, if you're lucky, you get a little bit of wisdom... so you can have nice talks with your daughter like we're having now." "Is wisdom why you changed our food?" "It was horrible, Mom." "Matt wasn't the only one who felt that way." "That's the other thing about getting older." "It gets a little easier to admit your mistakes." "Let's get you ready for your bedtime story." "Okay, once upon a time, there was a princess... and she liked this prince and they decided to get married." "Did she wear a wedding dress?" "Yeah, and it was beautiful." "And they had a lovely ceremony... and afterwards they went on a honeymoon." "Then what happened?" "Then, they decided to make a baby." "So here's what they did, which is what grownups do." "The prince put his penis in the princess' vagina... and they all lived happily ever after." "Cut." "End sticks." "Wilber, I baptize thee, in the name of the Father... and the Son... and the Holy Spirit." "Amen." "God the Father now anoints you with the chrism of salvation." "You are a new creation and have clothed yourself in Christ." "Go in peace, Wilber." "And may the Lord be with you." "When I was a kid, my grandmother used to light a candle every Friday." "She said every flickering wick stood for an unanswered prayer." " What did you pray for?" " Strength." "It's what I'm going to need when I tell my wife and sons..." "I have another child." "I'd like to hold my son now, James." "He's not your son, Christian." "He's mine." "His birth was God's gift to me." "This child has renewed me." "He makes me feel young again." "What are you saying, James?" "That you're taking Wilber home with you?" " Yes." " I won't let that happen." "It's not your choice, Christian." " You can be his godfather." " That's not enough." "I'm sorry, Christian." "I'm deeply sorry." "English" " SDH"