"let's all take our seats." "Thanksgiving is only two weeks away." "And the school has arranged for a lecture from a real live native American." "fellas?" "boys and girls." "I'm David "Running Horse" Sawitzki." "And I am one-sixteenth Cherokee Indian." "Does that mean we only have to pay one-sixteenth attention to you? and my people being degraded as usual. or was it the beginning of the genocide of an entire race?" "Thanksgiving is about murder?" "This is bullcrap. and assigns us a report on Thanksgiving? but the native Americans got screwed over." "And now my video game time is getting screwed over by them." "why don't you come and help?" "You're really being grumpy today." "We all have to do this report together." "We are wasting time." "let's go downstairs and watch TV." "it's November." "The History Channel must be playing Thanksgiving specials." "We can learn everything we need." "You're watching the History Channel." "Where the truth is history." "A lot has been written about the first Thanksgiving between pilgrims and native Americans." "But what really happened at that first historic dinner?" "I told you." "Who needs to read books when we've got History Channel?" "but new evidence suggests that the first exchanging of foods between pilgrims and native Americans." "May have been visited by aliens." "In every journal entry we research" "not one entry mentions anything about aliens not being there." "And what about the food?" "Does the appearance of stuffing at the first Thanksgiving tables suggest a kind of alien technology?" "What?" "This isn't history!" "it is called History Channel." "And if we look in all the journals" "there is no reference to "stuffing"" "before 1621." "where did it come from?" "Did it come from space?" "We don't know." "Did ancient aliens shape the first Thanksgiving?" "looks like an alien life form?" "What exactly did the pilgrims experience?" "How did those beings from another world shape the dinner we celebrate every November?" "Why are you being so grumpy?" "Are you on your period?" "We are not basing research for our report on this crap." "Let's take a vote." "Who thinks ancient aliens at Thanksgiving makes an interesting report?" "Dude!" "Who wants to take a little Pamprin so their menstrual cramps stop bringing everyone down?" "fine." "Let's get this stupid report over with." "A report from where?" "Does congress know about this yet?" "and get the helicopters ready." "I'll be there as soon as I can." "Darling?" "They found something." "This could be it." "You knew that stopped menstruation is called menopause?" "and it makes you really irritable." "That's why Kyle's been so grouchy." "He's going through menopause." "Shut your fucking mouth!" "See what I mean?" "Is that them?" "That's them." "You boys have been very busy." "We need to know everything that you know." "About what?" "Have you been contacted by alien life forms?" "Did you come across some kind of ship?" "we saw this stuff on History Chanel." "We are the History Channel." "We've been collecting information on Thanksgiving for years." "We're getting closed to the truth." "you have the exact same information." "It can't be coincidence." "We saw it on your channel." "What exactly did you see? so it might be alien technology." "My God!" "Would you be willing to say that on camera?" "that's enough MTV for one day." "Watch something that stimulates your brain." "Dad!" "You're watching the History Channel." "The only network dedicated to history." "268)}Coming up next: it's Monster Quest!" "240)}Followed by Hairy Bikers." "back to part three of Ancient Aliens at Thanksgiving." "It has become a widely accepted fact native Americans and alien beings." "200)}Stuffing wasn't mentioned until 1621." "200)}And it might have been alien technology." "And while the number of people who accept" "some experts have stepped forward with a wildly different view." "Could it be that pilgrims were actually aliens themselves?" "you can't prove there were no aliens." "210)}Just like you can't prove the pilgrims themselves weren't aliens." "210)}Can you prove that?" "210)}Draw that Thanksgiving turkey symbol with you hand." "space or something." "Could it be that the pilgrims we've read about all these years actually came from another planet?" "History experts like Kyle Broflovski say 'yes.'" "Pilgrims and Indians might as well be all aliens who came here and made an intergalactic treaty." "Check it out." "We're on TV." "How can they make a show out of this?" "I wasn't agreeing with them!" "What are you doing?" "The first Thanksgiving was a space treaty?" "Native Americans are aliens?" "I was just explaining how a negative argument doesn't..." "My people have been through enough." "God damn you!" "The white man is gonna pay for his lies!" "Look at this!" "An aerial photograph of Cape Cod where the pilgrims landed in 1620." "Five pilgrim settlements with Plymouth Rock here." "The same symbols appear everywhere in history." "The symbology lines up to mirrored points in space!" "Plymouth Rock is a wormhole." "Pilgrims and Indians were the aliens." "How did we not think of it?" "It can take the innocence of a child to make us see the most simple things." "True dat." "Get all those tourists out of here!" "We need this place secure." "let's clear out." "We need you all to disperse." "This area is under quarantine." "Get me a piece of chalk!" "273)}– Nothing." "– Guess Kyle Broflovski was wrong." "we weren't outsmarted by a nine-year-old kid." "We should have known." "Pilgrims couldn't be from space." "You can see it right there." "An object clearly fell from the sky and struck the earth." "What is it?" "It's a pilgrim." "Professor Broflovski was right after all." "it was an accepted fact that civilizations on Earth shared the universe with beings from other planets." "from deep within the galaxy Canis Major called Plymouth." "268)}Fellow pilgrims! 268)}and thine enemies have attacked our stuffing mines!" "268)}We must prepare for war with the Indians!" "it is our time! 268)}and we will take... 268)}all their stuffing!" "Mom!" "Did you get stuffing for Thanksgiving?" "Tell me you've already got everything we need!" "Thanksgiving's still a couple weeks away." "I haven't gone shoppies yet." "What is it?" "Clyde saw on the news there's a massive stuffing shortage!" "Get your coat." "We gotta go to the store!" "You have stuffing?" "aisle 17." "We're not too late." "Come!" "right on the... that can't be right." "273)}– What happened to all the stuffing?" "– What are you talking about?" "right?" "I just did inventory." "All was here." "and we're out of stuffing?" "after attacking our stuffing mines?" "The stuffing mines were never yours. ambassador!" "This will be war!" "You are in no position to declare war." "Your lead commander is nowhere to be found." "And how knoweth you that?" "Word travels fast in our sector." "I do not give three bowls of stuffing what sayeth you." "We will take back control of the stuffing mines." "Then the Thanksgiving treaty will be off." "And I pray to stuffing that you are wrong." "Miles Standish?" "everything Kyle Broflovski said about Native Americans being from outer space was untrue. and David Sawitzski's ancestors deserve an apology!" "It was wrong to mix aliens and real history!" "Have you seen that stuff about the pyramids linked to Mars?" "There's a guy with a gun here!" "There are lots of symbols and signs out there that show aliens and history are linked." "273)}– You don't say." "– Will you guys stop?" "Just keep writing your apology!" "Indian?" "Why hath thy race sent me here to Earth?" "and then cast me here!" "Why!" "Hath thou attacked our stuffing mines and sent me here to die?" "Indian!" "I'm only one-sixteenth!" "Hold your lying tongue!" "This shall prove if thou arts Indian or not!" "He was not!" "I didn't think so." "Kyle of DeVry Institute." "I need your wisdom to get back to my planet." "Into the wheeled chariot that strucketh me!" "We must make haste to Cape Cod!" "273)}– Who's this?" "– Natalie." "guys! we got some more information on the pilgrim who crashed to Earth. and then put in the back seat." "Who did the truck belong to?" "sir." "273)}– The actress?" "That makes no sense." "– It gets worse." "All the country is reporting a shortage of stuffing." "It's not a coincidence. and got into a truck driven by Natalie Portman?" "it's Natalie Portman." "We have to find Professor Broflovski." "He was right about all of this." "He'll know what to do." "We shall make camp here for the night." "perhaps we can reach Cape Cod." "And Thanksgiving may yet be saved." "What is wrong with Kyle of DeVry Institute?" "He's pissed off he was wrong about the whole ancient aliens thing." "He seems almost like a puritan lady whose period hath stopped." "I fear that you still do not know who's side to be on." "No." "I don't." "It must have been very difficult for you." "Being the one on your planet with his wild theories that pilgrims and Indians were aliens." "I just said that sarcastically." "Then you are a remarkably gifted child." "let me show you." "Your planet is one of the five." "Colthenheim." "nobody cares about." "The five are connected by a series of wormholes." "and so did our enemies." "we have not fought." "that treaty is over. and the pilgrims and other settlers took their lands from them." "You can't believe what everyone tells you." "You have to open your eyes. and the stuffing mines can again be ours." "For he who controls the stuffing controls the universe." "Hold it right there!" "We found Professor Broflovski." "He's with the pilgrim!" "Stay back!" "I will get to Cape Cod and cannot be stopped!" "let us fight to the death!" "Wait!" "Stop! we are all on the same side here." "We know why there's a stuffing shortage." "We want to get the wormhole open." "I trust none but them!" "Indians hath betrayed us!" "so my king can know the truth!" "We're the History Channel." "We care as much about the truth as you do." "Get us to Cape Cod as soon as possible." "the battle is lost!" "but yay they are too strong!" "Our last chance for survival is gone?" "my Lord." "All pilgrim forces sent to Indi have been wiped out." "And so soon the Indians will be here." "Sound the corn horn!" "We must abandon Plymouth!" "The stuffing mines are ours!" "Earth is connected to Plymouth by this wormhole here." "I will assemble my people to attack Indi and regain control of the stuffing mines." "you'll have stuffing for Thanksgiving." "I'm afraid it's not that simple." "and it didn't work!" "Of course not! but you were missing the keeper of the portal." "The keeper of the..." "Of course!" "Natalie Portman!" "We were wondering what she had to do with this!" "Natalie Portman controls the wormhole!" "Our window of opportunity is closing." "The wormhole has to be opened now." "we need you to open your wormhole!" "you've got to open your wormhole right now." "Curses and cranberries!" "I must get to Plymouth now!" "Do as they say!" "There has to be a way!" "Where is our expert?" "Professor Broflovski?" "– I'm not a professor." "273)}– The History Channel said you were!" "– You are the History Channel!" "Kyle of DeVry Institute." "There is no more time for squabble." "The universe is at stake." "You knew everything else." "You somehow knew about all of this!" "You knew it here." "You know how to get Natalie Portman to open her wormhole." "You have any brothers or sisters?" "but not any brothers or sisters." "I was an only child." "Awesome." "United States and Israel." "I never knew anyone that had that." "I went to Harvard while I was acting." "I got a BA." "too." "Cool..." "Wanna order some dessert?" "273)}– That was a lot of fun." "– It was cool." "273)}– Is there anyway you'd..." "– What?" "could you?" "Would you please open your wormhole?" "folks!" "though." "Kyle of DeVry Institute." "and Thanksgiving will be saved." "You're welcome." "I'm sorry I doubted you." "I'm sorry I acted like a know-it-all." "We understand." "We should all realize that history and alien technology do go hand in hand." "children!" "For I have a war to fight!" "For stuffing!" "Take all their stuffing!" "The treaty ends now." "Miles Standish was able to command the pilgrim armies." "attack their left flank!" "Good!" "They're retreating!" "Hit them with the anti-Indian device!" "making stuffing once again available on all our Thanksgiving tables!" "you know the true story behind Thanksgiving." "There's a lot about Thanksgiving I never knew." "History Channel rules." "But was the first Thanksgiving really just about" "or was there something more?" "Shocking new evidence suggests that the first Thanksgiving might also have been haunted!" "210)}There is certainly no evidence 210)}that the first Thanksgiving dinner was not haunted." "but did they also unknowingly welcome spirits from the grave?" "Come on!"