"Citizens!" "Citizens of Barovia." "His Royal Majesty, our gracious king." "My countrymen," "I bring you great and important news." "Your interim government has designated November 15th... as a date for Barovia's first... democratic constitutional election since the war." "Our nation has made this amazing recovery... solely through the unselfish efforts... of our own, our fearless, our beloved General Grimovitch." "Our final task has been completed." "The black hooded secret society... which calls itself the Mordia... has been destroyed." "No more will these thieves menace our..." "The Mordia." "Why was the king allowed to speak five minutes before the scheduled time?" "It wasn't my responsibility." "The crowd was growing restless." "Put Minister Karakovic under house arrest." "As prime minister, I protest." "It was a device to keep me from the king's side during the speech." "Grubich!" "Yes, Your Excellency." "You will issue a proclamation... ordering civilian arms to be turned in at once." "Certainly, Your Excellency." "Zavitch!" "General!" "You will inform the people that the king will soon recover." "Yes, Your Excellency." "Doctor." "How soon will he die?" "He's already unconscious." "In my opinion, Excellency cannot live more than a few days." "Seventy-two hours at the utmost." "You'll issue optimistic bulletins, Dr. Josephberg, indicating that the king is making rapid recovery." "But, General..." "His true condition must remain a secret." "What secret?" "When the king's dead, he's dead." "Such secrets don't keep." "Hubertus is the last one of the Vanicheks." "We must pretend he's alive until after the election." "Deceiving the people." "A dangerous procedure." "Perhaps." "But once the throne is gone, the Mordia will seize power." "Trina." "Your Majesty." "Trina." "I overheard your conversation." "You are mistaken." "I am not the last of the Vanicheks." "Your Majesty, you must not waste your strength." "My head is clear." "I know what I am saying." "In 1915 when I visited the United States," "I married." "Yes." "Dr. Josephberg, who was my companion at the time, will verify this." "It's true." "She was a secretary in our embassy." "There was a child, a boy." "He's now living in New York under the name of Michael Valentine." "Naturally, the marriage had to be dissolved." "He must be brought here at once." "Have Grubich prepare a plane." "We leave for America immediately." "How do you do?" "This is Michael New York City Valentine, telling you to feed your pup Sparko dog food, and every hound on the block will let your Doberman Pinscher." "That was our make believe audience enjoying a make believe joke." "You're listening to the lonesomest man in town." "Look at me." "A hermit with a sponsor." "Nobody ever comes here." "Nothing ever happens." "And if I believe my sponsor, nobody ever listens." "When you hear the tone, it'll be exactly one minute and 15 seconds after midnight," "Sparko dog food time." "Don't forget to write in for your free sample of Sparko." "Remember." "When your dog eats Sparko, he always says:" ""Hot dog." "Just think, Mom, I've been eating..." "Sparko dog food for six months." "Now my tail wags me. "" "Hello, Joe." "I mean, hiya, Joe." "Hi, Mike." "Here's Joe Snyder, folks." "My co-announcer just came in." "Hi." "Yes, sir." "He's taking over the program when I'm on my honeymoon." "I'm getting married tomorrow to Hazel O'Brien, the lucky girl." "Are you listening, Hazel?" "Does she stay up to listen to you?" "All the time, Joe." "You see her brother, Victor, is a cop." "All of the O'Brien's are cops, and when they come off their beat at 11.00, they turn their radio on." "A whole family of cops, huh?" "Yep, four uncles and six cousins." "When all those uniforms get together, it looks like West Point with flat feet." "Hazel!" "Hazel!" "What?" "Come over here." "What are you yelling for now, Victor?" "Don't you realize I gotta have my dress ready for the wedding?" "Did you hear what shovel-nose just called us?" "West Point with flat feet." "Oh, is that all, Victor?" "For heaven's sake." "Is that all?" "I've been telling you for eight years not to marry that lug." "A good New York cop ain't good enough for you." "Lookie, I'll marry a New York cop when he makes as much as Mike Valentine does." "Money ain't everything." "No, but it'll buy everything." "What kind of a man turns your wedding into a publicity stunt to advertise dog food?" "Sparko dog food is giving us $100 and a free boat trip for our honeymoon." "Sparko dog food." "Comes in biscuit or in pellet." "Hear your dogs bark when they smell it." "It goes on like that 'til 4:00 every morning." "What kind of husband is he gonna make?" "Sleeps all day and barks all night." "I tell you, it's subnormal." "Well, it'll be different after the wedding." "Wedding?" "How do you know he's gonna show up?" "What do you mean by that?" "It took him eight years to propose, and then you had to do it." "I don't think he wants to get married at all." "He's nothing but a... wolf!" "What man isn't?" "I can see exactly what's gonna happen." "We're all at the dock waiting for the wedding, but where's Valentine?" "He's beat it with some redhead." "We're standin' around like a bunch of dumb clucks." "And you, poor kid, crying your poor little eyes out." "He can't do that to my sister!" "A request for that old favorite, "I don't want to get married, I'm having too much fun. "" "You're under arrest!" "Ohh." "Ohh." "That guy gives me a terrible headache." "Joe." "Joe, get me an aspirin." "Here, put it on a slice of bread." "I'm hungry too." "He's getting ready to leave." "It's about time." "Here's a picture of me and the gal I'm marrying in our bathing suits." "Gee, what a cute halter." "Yeah, and how do you like the one she's wearing?" "She's the one on this side." "Isn't that pretty?" "So, you're going to get married, huh, kid?" "I'm ready and waiting." "Well, here, have a cigar." "That's quite a plantation." "Oh, it's nothing." "Take another one for later." "Oh, thanks." "Well, it's quite a thing you have there, you know?" "It's a retread, huh?" "Are you really gonna hold the marriage on the dock?" "Yes, sir." "I take the plunge tomorrow morning." "If I live that long." "How corny can you get with these jokes?" "Wait 'til you see what I've got cooked up for you later." "What, a little atomic bomb to blow up the whole building?" "Silly, boy." "Plant that." "So you're really gonna marry that dame?" "Yes, sir, we've been going together for eight years." "Eight years?" "Yeah, we've been looking for an apartment." "I never thought you'd do it." "Think of all the advantages a married man has." "Now first of all..." "No, he can't do that." "Well, secondly he can..." "No, he can't do that either." "Well, thirdly..." "Besides, it's too late to back out now." "And besides, Victor will slug me." "I'll see you, laughing boy." "Oh, hi." "Studio A is right down that way." "That's the only studio we have." "It's right..." "Right there." "You fellas fans of mine?" "You care for an autograph?" "They're free." "Just thought I'd ask." "Some fellas wear 'em down like that." "Chew?" "I'm not used to the other stuff yet." "Elevator's a little late." "It's stuck." "Button's gone." "See..." "There it is." "It's a..." "You care to push the button?" "You?" "You care for a push?" "Just..." "Sprechen sie deutsch?" "Capic d'Italiano?" "Parlez-vous francais?" "Habla espanol?" "Hubba, hubba." "Speak American?" "You are Michael Valentine?" "Yeah, I'm Michael Valentine." "MichaelJoseph Valentine?" " M.J. That's me." " Unfortunately, we seem to have found the right man." "Yeah, well, fortunately my elevator's here." "So long, I hope." "I'm going down." "Which way are you fellas going?" "Oh, you're going down too, huh?" "Well, leave your names at the desk, and I'll see that you're sent your free samples of Sparko." "Would you rather eat here?" "Perhaps we should introduce ourselves?" "Well, you do look familiar." "I just can't place the graveyard." "I am Minister Zavitch." "I am Minister Grubich." "I'm sorry, kids." "I've already got a minister for the wedding..." "And I am Premier Krivoc." "Hiya, Preem." "I wish I could make you understand that your life is in great danger." "Oh, it's not as bad as that." "Guys have gotten married before." "Please." "You don't realize death is staring you in the face." "Look the other way." "Pardon me." "Well, so long." "Why don't you boys go down to the basement?" "Tonight's the night they're putting new cheese in the traps." "Hey, wh..." "You'll be kind as to come with us, Your Highness." "Your Highness?" "Oh, yeah, this is the gag Joe Snyder was talking about." "It's pretty stale." "We have no time to lose, please." "You get into the car." "Please, I will not." "I've gone along with this gag long enough." "Good-bye." "Oh, hello!" "Oh, who you kiddin'?" "There's no real bullets in that gat." "Joe Snyder wouldn't go that far." "Or would he?" "Please get in." "Apparently you're confused, Your Majesty." "You don't realize who you are." "This is the craziest story I ever heard of." "Who ever heard of Barovia?" "Everyone except you, sir." "Yeah, and me a king!" "Have to be somewhere in 72 hours or the whole joint'll blow up." "What've you guys been smoking?" "We must be there in 48 hours." "My old man plugged on a balcony." "If it was a runway at Minsky's I'd believe it." "General Grimovitch will explain everything." "Yeah, where's this general?" "Probably some two-bit actor Snyder hired." "Where is he?" "Let's get the joke over with." "Grimovich will be here shortly." "I'll beat out his brains with his good conduct ribbon." "Keeping me up until 1:00 A.M. The day before my honeymoon." "MichaelJoseph Valentine?" "Yeah, where is this general?" "I'll tear him limb from limb." "I am General Grimovitch." "Yeah, well, I wanna tell you..." "And Your Majesty may do with me as you wish." "Would you mind repeating that offer?" "I am General Grimovitch." "You didn't say..." "Where do you go to get drafted?" "Your Majesty, please, we must hurry." "Yes." "Let's be away!" "Say, this is the part of the gag I like: dames." "Where did Joe Snyder pick you up?" "It must be difficult for you to believe all you've been told, but you must." "Place yourself entirely in my hands and trust me." "But can I trust myself?" "This is no time to joke, Your Majesty." "Your father's dying, and the entire future of Barovia is in your hands." "I hate to interrupt, but your strait jacket is showing." "You must return to your country within 48 hours and assume the throne, otherwise..." "Who do you think you're fooling around with?" "A three year old?" "If I were king, my pictures would be in the papers..." "Your Majesty, our entire mission is being conducted in secrecy." "If it would receive the slightest publicity, the news might reach Barovia." "No good, huh?" "Certainly not." "They would find out their king is dying." "And during the confusion of the people, the Mordia would overturn our government." "The Mordia?" "What's that." "A secret organization trying to regain power." "Bad men, huh?" "I don't know why I'm following you except that you're a woman." "Come to think of it, I can't think of a better reason." "We're ready, General." "Good." "We take off at once." "Yeah, well, have a nice trip and don't forget to write." "Your Majesty, please get in." "Wait a minute, fellas." "This is the end of the line." "You've had your laughs." "But I have to show up for a wedding tomorrow." "Wait a minute!" "I'm booked for a honeymoon." "Come on, I won't take off." "I'll drag my foot!" "You can't do this..." "Hold the plane!" "Stop it!" "I can't go up in a plane." "Please, fellas, my fountain pen leaks." "Tell the pilot we're ready to take off." "Take off?" "This is on the level." "I'm being kidnapped." "You'll be sent up for this." "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Too tight!" "Oh!" "At last we are on our way." "And this time, the Mordia is not the Victor." "Victor!" "Hazel!" "The O'Briens." "They'll kill me." "I got to get married." "What did I get into?" "Stop the plane!" "You got the wrong boy." "I'll break the window." "Thanks." "Oh!" "They're shooting at me." "I gotta get out of here." "Your Highness." "Open the door." "Open up out there." "You cowards, open up!" "Stop it!" "Force will get you nothing." "Hello?" "Consul Stertorius speaking." "Oh, yes, General Grimovitch." "What?" "Your plane crashed?" "Oh, how terrible!" "Was anyone hurt?" "That was fortunate." "Park Villa Hotel." "Yes, Your Excellency, I'll have my secretary send any cables to you there." "No, you didn't disturb me." "I was working late." "I'm glad that I can be of service." "Good night, Your Excellency." "Come in." "Well?" "The general's plane ran into a little difficulty." "Yes, Miller, I know." "She just called." "I took a shot at our friend Mr. Valentine, but unfortunately, I missed." "Too bad." "But you did what you set out to do." "General Grimovitch said it will take some time to repair the plane." "I managed to see our leader before the take-off." "He gave me this." "He wasn't injured in the crash?" "Not at all." "The only one hurt was..." "Mr. Valentine." "Gentlemen of the Mordia, as we planned, the return of General Grimovitch's... so-called "trade mission" has unfortunately been delayed." "How long do you think it'll take to have the plane repaired?" "At least 12 hours." "Then we have exactly that much time to dispose of..." "Mr. MichaelJoseph Vanichek Valentine, and incidentally, our old friend General Trina Grimovitch." "Peter, distribute the hoods." "Yes, consul." "You'll draw straws for the honor of destroying the last of the Vanicheks." "Paul, we are all intelligent men." "Can't we dispense with this childish ritual of the hoods?" "A ritual that has lasted for 300 years is not childish." "The Mordia has always done it this way in Barovia, and we will do it this way here." "Hazel, baby." "Why didn't you wake me sooner?" "Hazel, what's happened to you?" "Hey!" "Where am I?" "Oh!" "Did anybody get the license number?" "You must be careful, Your Majesty." "You suffered a heavy blow on the head." "Oh, now I remember!" "Hey, you guys'll get 90 years for this, shoving me into a plane, and kidnapping me off to Barovia, as if there was such a place." "We are still in New York." "The Park Villa Hotel." "What time is it?" "11:00." "I got to get married!" "I'm on my honeymoon!" "What am I doing here?" "They're waiting for me down at the dock." "You must save your strength." "I got to get down there." "She can't get married without me." "It pains me to have to threaten you, Your Majesty." "Okay, okay, I'm king." "I'm king." "You convinced me." "Why shouldn't I wanna be king?" "I was just playing hard to get." "I can see myself on that throne with my ladies-in-waiting." "I won't keep them waiting long." "And I'll be wearing a crown, king size." "I'll have a bed with diamond bed bugs." "I'll be Knighting guys." "In fact, you three kids'll be the first on the Knight shift." "Pardon me." "Pardon me." "I'm..." "Make way for the king!" "Oh!" "I'm glad to see that Your Majesty has recovered." "Lucky for you, you're a woman." "Lucky for me too." "You have no idea what we've been through." "His highness is impossible." "But now we can leave." "The plane won't be ready until 2:00." "Oh, well, we have time then." "Help!" "Get me the F.B.I. Hello, listen, I've been kidnapped... by three mad characters and a dame, yeah, get me the manager." "Get me the mayor." "Get me the police." "Get me Dick Tracy." "Get me a telephone." "I've been cut off." "It's a walky-talky." "Hello... testing..." "I-I, oh..." "Oh, it's you." "File that." "There must be no more attempts to escape." "Remove your clothes." "Okay, you..." "What did she say?" "Remove your clothes." "That's what I thought she said." "Would you prefer that I take them off?" "Oh, great, I'll watch you." "Oh, I thought..." "Oh, I've never had this kind of trouble before." "What is this?" "An old Barovian custom, huh?" "They'll never believe this." "Grubich, Krivoc, you finish." "Now, they'll believe it." "Okay, come on, I'm not a child." "I can do it." "What happened to Mike?" "Oh, I don't know." "Well, come on, make like a bride." "Smile." "That's it." "Here comes your brother." "Put down those clubs." "Stop the music." "What happened?" "There ain't gonna be any wedding." "Now, what's the idea." "What happened to Michael?" "Did you call his apartment?" "Yes, and he didn't even sleep in his own bed last night." "Victor, are you sure?" "If he slept there, his landlady would have known." "When that anteater buries his nose in a pillow, it leaves an impression." "Oh, how can he do a thing like this to me?" "Hazel!" "Listen, Hazel, you know you can trust me." "I've always helped you out." "When we were little kids in school together, who helped you with your homework?" "I did." "And when you got left behind, who stayed behind with you?" "I did." "Please, why don't you go find Michael." "I want to know one thing." "When you and Michael went out on dates, did he ever hold your hand?" "Oh, Victor, why do you ask these foolish questions?" "Did he ever kiss you?" "Naturally." "What do you think?" "And then what happened?" "He took me home." "Listen, what I want to know is, what happened... between the time he kissed you and the time he took you home?" "Was there any necking going on?" "I don't know what you're talking about, Victor." "When I went out with Michael, it was no different than when you go out with a girl." "I'll kill him!" "Smoochin' with my sister!" "Joe, Jimmy, Uncle Phillip." "What's up?" "What did ya find out?" "Plenty." "I want you to call every policeman on the force." "Give them Mike's description and tell 'em to pick him up." "On what charge?" "Uncle Phillip, you're a Police Court judge." "You know as well as I do there's 2,500 ordinances in the city of New York." "Nobody can breathe for more than five seconds without violating one of them." "And Mike Valentine has breathed long enough." "Well, listen, Victor, maybe something happened to him." "Maybe I put too much gun powder in that second cigar I gave him." "No such luck." "Search every bar, dive and sewer in the city until you find him." "And if he ain't mussed up when you bring him in, take him out and bring him in again." "Well, what are you waitin' for?" "What did you say the name of this game was?" "Gin." "This is exactly what I have." "Yeah..." "Yes, sir, that's 40 more points for me." "Oh." "That's another game." "You'll never learn." "You have to be born with this stuff." "Pardon me yawning, but I've not slept since we left Barovia two days ago." "Oh, sleepy, huh?" "Yes." "You ought to get about eight hours a night." "Nothing I would like better, but I find myself... unable to sleep and watch you at the same time." "Rock-a-bye-baby on the tree top" "Please, Your Majesty." "When the wind blows the cradle will rock" "Please stop rocking me, Your Highness." "When the bough breaks the cradle will fall" "Please, Your Majesty, I'm falling asleep." "Your Majesty, this will gain you nothing." "Sneak!" "It's time we left for the airport." "I'll get your clothes." "I need another blanket." "The cane, quick." "Don't shoot." "She will hear." "Oh, I was just airing out the blankets." "I'll take them." "Aha!" "Now, I got you!" "I got you right where I want you, huh?" "A little too fast for you, wasn't I?" "Yes, sir." "Thought you were toying with an idiot, huh?" "Mmm." "Brrr." "How do you like that?" "You won't talk, huh?" "I saw you." "I saw you." "One more false move, and I'll let you have it." "I'm just playing with you." "Cat and mouse." "Let me tell you something." "You didn't fool me for a minute." "Trying to make me think I was a king, huh?" "And there were guys with hoods and daggers?" "The Mordia!" "Well, get this through your thick skull." "This is New York City, United States of America, and things like that don't happen here." "Hey, you..." "Hey, oh..." "That's what I say, things like that happen here." "Hello, hello." "Oh, that's dead too!" "Oh... my keys." "Don't get up, I'll get it." "Oh, the gun." "Tell 'em you did it." "I've got enough trouble." "I'll check with you." "Oh!" "Help!" "Help!" "Police!" "I gotta make a call." "Help!" "Help!" "I gotta make a call!" "Help!" "Help!" "Oh, pardon me." "Hey, I..." "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Oh, gee, I'm sorry, but you don't know what I've been through." "I gotta get to a phone." "There's been a murder." "A murder?" "Yes, there's a man..." "Come in, please." "You must use the phone." "Oh, well, thank you very much." "You'll never regret this." "Operator, get me some service." "This is King Michael of Barovia." "I want to report a knife with a body sticking through it." "Hello, hello." "What's the matter with the phones in this hotel?" "Don't the people pay the bills?" "I cut the wires." "Are you crazy or something?" "You can't get any service that way." "Leave your hands off this." "Hello, hello..." "Oh." "Oh, now I get it." "You're the guys that did it." "Yeah, through that window." "You killed Grubich, and it was supposed to be me." "Help!" "Help!" "There is no place to run, Your Majesty." "Oh!" "Help!" "Help!" "He wants to slit my slot." "Help!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "I don't want to be a king, honest." "I just..." "Stand still." "Please, may I make one last request?" "Yes." "Put away that knife." "Why, you..." "Oh, I'm sorry gentlemen." "I thought you were out." "Oh, do something." "Yell." "They're trying to kill me." "He's drunk." "Let go of me, you wolf, or I'll scream." "Go ahead, scream." " Myrtle, what's the matter?" " This wolf's makin' passes." "I just want to get out of here." "Don't you lay a hand on her!" "Be careful." "What's the idea?" "Thanks for screaming." "You must come over and pinch me sometime." "Oh." "Ugh!" "Oh, boy, am I glad to see you?" "Oh!" "Hey, what is this?" "What do you think you're doing?" "Two guys are trying to kill me." "There's a body in my room." "You're Mike Valentine, ain't you?" "Yeah." "Come on, let's run after them." "You ain't running' no place." "Naw, we're runnin' you right down to the police station." "Brother, you're in trouble." "Victor O'Brien's waiting for ya." "He'll knock my teeth out!" "I can live on liquids." "Let's go see Victor." "So I finished the broadcast and I went out in the hall." "And there were three beaver lips waiting for me." "I thought it was a gag, so I beat the general." "And then they told me I was a king." "Then the plane crashed, the elevator came down..." "Michael." "Michael." "I can't understand what you're saying." "Speak slower." "Why did you run out of our wedding?" "All right." "It was this way." "Krumic and Zubich and Gravitch took me to Grimovitch at the airport." "Grimovich talked to me while Grubich and Zavitch and Krivoc went away." "Krivoc came back without Grubich and Zavitch and Grimovitch shoved me on the plane." "Then Krivoc, Grubich and Zavitch held me down, and the window was there, woo-woo..." "Wait a minute." "Slow down, slow down." "Pull over to the curb." "I mean, take it easy, take it easy." "Krivoc and Grubich and Grimovitch." "Now he's draggin' in the whole Notre Dame football team." "No." "I was in the hallway, and the maid was there." "And it was fourth down, and Myrtle was making passes..." "Michael!" "Slowly, very slowly." "Oh, okay." "I'm all right now." "I'll take it slow." "This guy was murdered." "And I started out of the room for help, and nobody would let me use their telephone until I met two guys." "They told me I could go to their room, but one of them pulled a knife." "Then I went for the telephone, and as I did, he took the knife, and cut the wires like this." "Then I jumped on the bed and he..." "Oh, oh, I'm sorry." "I guess I was carried away." "I'm sorry." "Roger, Roger." "I'm sorry, Sergeant." "I won't let..." "I was excited, but I'm all right now." "I promise I won't get..." "Oh!" "Oh!" "There they are." "Those two guys with the knives." "They're after me." "At the window." "Look, look." "If that's a face, it's got a blank expression." "Send him to Bellevue." "Get him outta here!" "Oh, no!" "No." "You've got to believe me." "They were there." "If you take me to the Park Villa Hotel, I'll show you the body... with the knife sticking through it, and then you'll know my whole story is true." "Why don't we do that?" "He couldn't make this whole thing up." "There must be something to it." "What do you think, Sarge?" "What I think, I couldn't say in front of your sister." "But if you want to drag this nut to the Park Villa, it's okay with me." "Okay." "Here, we'll go to the hotel, but that body better be there." "Oh, thanks, Victor." "I'll never forget you." "I'll make you famous." "I'll have my sponsor put out a special food for police dogs, and your face will be on every can." "Aw, that's nice." "Sarge, he's..." "You'll see the body in a minute." "I don't believe it, but I'm willin' to keep a closed mind." "Well, it'll be there." "You better not look." "Is it terrible?" "Oh, it's awful." "There's a knife sticking in him like he was a loaf of pumpernickel." "There it is." "What is it, gentlemen?" "What do you know, a talking pumpernickel." "Oh, Michael." "Are you sure you have the right room?" "Oh, sure." "Hey, get up." "You're sitting on my body!" "What is the meaning of this?" "Come on, what did you do with it?" "Where's the body?" "Who is this lunatic?" "Lunatic?" "You're my preem primister." "I mean, my prime minister." "Don't you remember?" "We were gonna fly together." "Remember?" "Tell him who I am." "I'd be happy to." "Who are you?" "You're the guy who told me who I was." "I'm king MichaelJoseph." "Come on, get off the body." "You're gettin' it all wrinkled." "What's wrong with you?" "He's a swallow heading' back to Capistrano." "Come on, let's fly to Bellevue." "No!" "No!" "There's Zavitch." "Tell them what happened to Grubich." "Grubich?" "Who is Grubich?" "You..." "Who's Grubich, he says." "The knife with the body sticking on it." "I don't know what this man is babbling about." "You're not alone, brother." "Yeah, well, there's a body here somewhere, and I'm gonna find it." "All right, produce the corpus delicti." "One thing at a time." "Let's find the body first." "Officer, could it be over there?" "Oh!" "Oh, boy!" "Where have you been hiding?" "I've been looking for you." "I'll be right back." "Stand by." "Don't go away." "General, it's you." "Your Majesty." "Say that again." "Your Majesty." "Tell me one thing." "Am I a king or ain't I?" "You are a king." "Is there a body in that room or ain't there?" "There is a body in there." "Let's tell the cops." "They think I'm nuts." "No, no, no." "Not until we are safely out of the country." "We must have no publicity." "Until the proper time, no one must know the truth." "Yeah, no one but Victor." "Victor?" "Yeah, I got to tell him." "Just once more, who am I?" "No." "Your Majesty." "That's right." "Don't forget it." "No, no, no." "You can't go back in there." "You've got to get to the plane." "But there's a body, a murder, the cops have to know." "Quiet!" "Huh?" "But..." "I..." "Quiet, Your Majesty." "Hey, who you kiddin'?" "You wouldn't kill me." "I'm your king." "I wouldn't kill you, but it wouldn't matter if you limped a little." "Yeah, I think you'd do it too." "In here." "Quickly." "Wait a minute." "I got enough towels from this hotel too." "You remain in there quietly until the police leave." "Hey the light goes out in here." "Quiet!" "What is it?" "Moths." "Shh." "I better see what Mike is doing in here." "Michael!" "Michael!" "What are you screaming for?" "Can't you see he's beat it?" "I'm sorry to have bothered you gentlemen." "That's all right, Officer." "Let's get out of here." "I can't make heads or tails out of this." "Why is Michael acting like this?" "I'll tell you why." "This whole thing was a gag to get out of marrying' you." "There never was any murder." "There never was any king." "And there's not going to be any wedding." "You're jumping at conclusions." "Jumping at conclusions!" "I'll jump down his throat." "Oh, it's you again." "Oh, there's been a murder." "Last time you said they were killing you." "No, no, no, don't touch me, you Jack-the-Ripper." "There must be some way to explain this, but I can't think of it right now." "Bye." "Oh, Myrtle, what's the matter?" "It's that man again." "What's going on here?" "It's a man." "He's been chasing me all day." "Where did he come from?" "He just jumped at me from that closet." "A love fiend." "With a turned up nose?" "Yes, do you know him?" "Do I know him!" "Michael!" "That clothes closet Casanova." "What a revoltin' development this is." "Come on, stay away from me, will you?" "I'm bad luck." "Oh, you smell the product, huh?" "Here's a piece of Sparko..." "on the radio." "Good night now, will you?" "Come on." "Go on home, will you?" "Oh, you're like me, huh?" "No friends and scared stiff." "I'm all out, kid." "Looks like we both got our tails clipped." "What do you want?" "Here." "Here's your last piece." "If you want any more, you gotta write in for it." "I'll check in with you at the kennel." "What am I scared of?" "That was me." "Still pretty frightening." ""Now I lay me down to sleep." "" Don't turn on the light." "Who is it?" "Be careful." "We're being watched." "It's Trina." "Oh, it's you." "Say, who invited you into my apartment?" "Who invited you into my life?" "Get out of here, will ya?" "I've had nothing but trouble ever since I met you." "How do you say "scram" in Barovian?" "You have been through a great deal, I know." "And it was, to a great extent, my fault." "What are you doing?" "Sugar?" "Yeah, the traveling kind." "I'm leaving town." "Too many people are after me, and it's not because I'm irresistible." "I have the key." "Yeah, well..." "Oh, no, give me that key!" "I'm a nice, respectable boy." "The danger's greater than we thought, Your Majesty." "From this moment on, I shall not leave your side for a second, day or night." "Yeah..." "Oh, that might be embarrassing." "It might also be interesting." "Oh, but I got to get out of here." "I'm taking that key!" "I'm..." "Strong gloves." "Give it to me, I don't want to use force." "Your Majesty..." "And stop calling me that!" "I don't wanna be king of some two-bit country." "I abdicate!" "It's your country." "Oh, no." "This is my country." "I don't have to go to your country to get stabbed in the back." "I can stay here and get run over by a vegetable truck." "That's much more civilized." "Give me the key." "I'm getting out of here." "Very well, if you wish to throw your life away." "What do you mean, "throw my life away"?" "The Mordia is everywhere." "They might have followed you here." "A hand may reach out in the dark." "Trying to scare me, huh?" "Well, it won't work, sister." "What do you mean, "a hand"?" "A hand that may snuff out your life in the darkness." "At least, if you were killed in Barovia, you'd die like a king." "Die like a king!" "Oh!" "Long live the king!" "Good." "I knew you'd come back." "The airport is going to phone me the moment the weather clears." "In the meantime, perhaps we can get a few hours of sleep in here." "We, here?" "Of course." "Wait a minute." "What are you doing?" "What's coming off?" "What?" "You better change in here." "Why?" "Was I doing something wrong?" "Well, I..." "Oh, now I understand." "You're modest." "Your Majesty, you must remember, that during the war," "I fought, ate and lived with 10,000 men." "You ate with them?" "Yes." "In the army of Barovia, there's no such thing as a man or a woman." "That's an old-fashioned idea." "We here in the backward United States find it comes in handy once in a while." "Yes?" "You wear a nightshirt, don't you?" "Nightshirt?" "In the army of the Barovian Resistance, we rough it." "I know it's a sacrifice, but would you mind wearing that one tonight?" "This nightshirt is rather small for you, isn't it?" "It shrank in the laundry." "It doesn't fit me anymore." "Maybe it'll fit you." "It better." "All the rest of my stuff is in my trunk down at the dock for my honeymoon." "Whoops!" "I was gonna wear that on my honeymoon." "Tsk, tsk, tsk." "Well, I hope this pleases you, but it strikes me as very foolish." "No, it's very jolly." "Here, you take those." "I'll just rough it." "You can sleep here." "I'll curl up under it or something." "Please, get in, Your Majesty." "Who, me?" "Of course." "Please, get in." "Oh." "We both had a trying day." "It's good to rest." "Tired, huh?" "You mean you're really human?" "Say, are all the chicks in Barovia like you?" "Chicks?" "You know, gals." "Oh." "No, only a few of us are soldiers." "How'd you ever get into the racket anyway?" "Racket?" "With those medals and guns, boots, pants and stuff." "Didn't you ever wear a dress?" " Yes, I did." " What'd you look like?" "Like a peasant girl in a dress." "A little more rounder, a little more naive, but a great deal happier." "You know something?" "This whole business must be as tough for you as it's been for me." "You don't like to be shovin' guys around, or do you?" "Of course not." "Maybe you'd like to be back in that dress, huh?" "Maybe I'd like to see you back in it." "Why do you say that?" "Just like a dame." "You wanna hear me say nice things about you." "Well, I'm not gonna say 'em." "Good night." "But I will say one thing." "You're the prettiest general I ever saw in a nightshirt." "Thank you, Your Majesty." "Good night." "You may rest easily." "I have my gun and I'm a very good shot." "You're perfectly safe tonight." "Ah, perfectly safe." "I'm perfectly safe." "Hmm." "Victor must be right." "I am crazy." "Now that you're here, let me repeat." "at half past 10.00, Valentine will receive... what he will believe to be a long distance phone call." "I understand, Excellency." "Actually, it'll be from the consulate." "The purpose of the call will be to hold him at the phone... so that you will know exactly where he is." "There won't be any fog to save him this time." "Remember, it's our last chance." "In a few hours, the weather will be good enough for the plane to take off." "Pick up Hecker on your way there." "Yes, sir." "Barovian consulate." "What a day!" "The birds are on instruments." "Your Majesty, I can't find my uniform." "Maybe it had enough points to get out." "I put it in here, in this little closet." "Closet?" "That's the dumb waiter." "By now, your pants are probably in Mrs. Murphy's chowder." "Mrs. Murphy?" "We gotta find that uniform or we're dead." "Who's that?" "Are you expecting anyone?" "Not yet." "It's only a week overdue." "Don't open the door." "It might be dangerous." "Oh, don't be silly." "Who is it?" "It's me, Hazel." "It's dangerous." "I better get rid of her fast." "You stay out of sight." "She'll never understand." "Hazel!" "Hello." "Oh, oh, nobody home!" "Wait a minute!" "Let me in!" "It's all right, Michael." "Victor and I talked over what happened yesterday... and we're both willing to forgive and forget." "Oh." "Well, let's forgive and forget." "I'm sorry you can't stay for breakfast, but the tea balls are pretty tired." "Wait a minute, wait a minute!" "Are you trying to get rid of us or something?" "What ever gave you that idea?" "Just a minute, Mike." "I just wanna say one thing." "Do you or don't you want to marry my sister?" "Don't let me influence you." "Just give me an honest answer." "Well, it's nice of you to give me a choice." "Sure, I want to marry her." "I..." "Okay, then let's go get married." "Get your hat and coat." "Oh, you mean right now?" "You know of any better time?" "It's a little sudden, isn't it?" "Sudden?" "You've been going with me for eight years!" "What are you waiting for, a pension?" "You've had 798 meals in our house." "That reminds me." "I've got something cooking in the kitchen." "If you'll join me later..." "No, you don't." "You've stalled long enough." "Your coat is over here." "Well, I..." "Michael, put your arms around me." "You heard her." "Put your arms around her!" "Kiss me." "Kiss her!" "What a mother-in-law you'll make!" "Oh, Michael, you do want to marry me." "You still love me." "I feel it." "I feel it too." "I feel it too." "Let's go get married, darling!" "Married?" "Look, Mike." "We're practically brothers now, so let me give you a little advice." "Whenever you get in a jam, just come to me like a man and tell the truth." "Don't go around giving out those wild stories... about little men with daggers and airplanes and kings and generals." "I oughta kick your teeth in!" "It's true, I tell ya." "It's true!" "Here he goes again." "You're not going around saying I make up crazy stories." "It's true and I can prove it!" "Let's go get married." "Now you're talkin'!" "Whoops!" "I am General Grimovitch." "Uh, believe it or not, this is the General." "It's a summer uniform." "Honest, she just flew in." "I suppose that's a parachute she's wearing." "Michael!" "I knew it, I knew it all the time." "A dame!" "You love fiend!" "Hazel, I..." "It's all right." "Don't bother." "It's okay." "Please." "Please allow me to explain." "This man can't think of marriage now." "He must return to his people immediately." "They need him desperately." "He's their king, and I'm his general." "Oh, I know all about it." "As a matter of fact, I got a date tonight with a blond admiral." "I tell ya she's got a uniform, only she threw it down the dumb waiter." "Happens all the time." "Well, good night, General." "It's been a tough war." "You fixed me up good." "You got my life tangled up like a load of wet wash." "I was trying to help." "I was willing to reveal everything." "Yeah, I know." "Here." "Slip this on." "Somebody else may come in." "You should never have come to this country in the first place." "You really like that girl?" "I was only gonna marry her, that's all." "She didn't seem like the kind of woman for whom one gives up the throne." "All she has is youth." "In a few years, she'll begin to look like Victor." "Oh, what are you talking bout?" "She was wonderful." "She was soft, like a little kitten." "And her eyes, they did something to you." "And her hair was smooth and silky and exciting." "I wouldn't expect a general to understand that." "I don't believe she really loved you." "What do you know about those things?" "Hazel used to take me in her arms like this... and she'd put her lips close to mine like this, then she'd kiss me." "Like this?" "No, it was nothing like it." "It was more like this." "Oh, but it was never like this." "Say, this could be habit-forming." "Michael, I..." "I don't know what's happening to me, but when you kiss me, I find it very pleasant." "Tell me, does it happen to all women?" "I don't know." "I haven't gotten around to all of'em yet." "Purely out of curiosity, may I try it again?" "Just as a scientific experiment." "Hit it, professor." "What was that?" "I think we split an atom." "That's a telephone ringing." "It must be the airport." "What do we need them for?" "I'm flying already." "Hello." "Who?" "Speaking." "Long distance, San Francisco." "I don't know anybody in San Francisco." "Operator, I'm cut off." "I'm cut..." "I'm shot off!" "I..." "We must get out of here!" "The Mordia!" "The Mordia?" "They must've run out of daggers." "Run, Michael, run!" "Run?" "Do you think I'm yellow?" "Shake hands with a lemon." "Let's go, let's go!" "Wait a minute." "Where are your clothes?" "Gone in Mrs. Murphy's dumb waiter." "I have nothing but my boots." "All my stuff's down at the dock." "All I've got is what I've got on." "We'll share it." "Yeah, we'll share it." "Will you..." "Here, here's your share." "Go get your boots." "Hurry up." "There's an umbrella in here." "Oh, a hat!" "Come on, let's ride." "I feel like a clay pigeon." "Oh, that's jazzy." "Maybe this style'll come back." "Let's go!" "Hey, let's go!" "Hey, come on." "Here's a taxi." "No, no, that's too convenient." "If you step into that taxi, you may not get out alive." "Well, you take that chance in every taxi." "There's no chance if the driver is a member of the Mordia." "Hurry, hurry!" "Climb on, hurry." "They went around that corner on a truck." "Come on, let's unload this junk." "Must've seen us." "Come on." "Hiya, bud." "Who is that?" "That's a singer before your time." "Blue skies!" "Hey, it's a blind alley." "We're trapped." "There's a door." "Let's go." "Sorry." "We just got in from California." "Oh, I'm sorry." "We just got in from Florida." "I'm sorry." "It's the same man." "Oh, oh, I was just trying it on for size." "We..." "I beg your pardon, is there anything I can do for you?" "She'd like another fitting in this coat." "And I'd like a jar of vanishing cream, king size." "We'll wait." "Hurry." "I beg your pardon, but these booths are for the convenience of our customers!" "We are customers." "I'd like my hair fixed up." "It's all wet." "And I need some clothes, you see?" "Our house was on fire and my wife had to leave without dressing." "I sleep this way all the time." "I get up early." "Call back, huh?" "Miss Cassidy?" "Customer waiting." "They're still hunting." "I feel like a needle with no haystack." "Michael, this is such a beautiful dress." "I never owned anything like this." "I'm almost happy we were forced into this place." "That's a dame for you." "Guys outside with knives waiting to carve our names in tombstones, and you're happy you're forced into a dress." "But it's such a beautiful dress." "You know something?" "You're crazy." "You know something else?" "What?" "I'm crazier." "What am I hanging around with you for?" "Guys shooting at me." "I don't like being a bull's-eye." "There's no future in it." "I'm ditching' this whole mess." "I'm going to the cops and get some protection." "They won't believe you." "Remember Victor." "Let 'em toss me into Bellevue." "I'd rather lose a weekend than my whole life." "They're gone and I'm leavin'." "Stop!" "Michael!" "Think what you're doing." "Think of our country, think of me." "I knew that was coming." ""Think of me. "" "From now on, I'm thinking of myself." "You almost fooled me this morning, but I'm not as big a dope as I am." "I'm hittin' the road." "So long." "Michael!" "Is everything satisfactory, sir?" "Yes, everything's fine." "I..." "No, it isn't." "There's guys after me in this store." "They're trying to kill me." "You gotta do something, you gotta help me." "Please, please!" "You're crushing my carnation." "Oh, I'm sorry." "You gotta hide me." "You gotta help me." "Gift wrap me or something." "I..." "You..." "What were you saying?" "I was saying..." "I'm a dope." "Not only that, but I'm a coward." "Not only that, but she's beautiful." "Michael!" "Michael, you must get out of sight." "They may be back any minute." "How long have you been hiding what you've been hiding?" "That dress, it's terrific." "Hey, you look wonderful with clothes on." "This is no time to talk about a dress." "Right, let's talk about what's in it." "Make your way to the airport." "I'll throw them off." "Yeah, but..." "Madam, what is this?" "That is not Valentine." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm certain." "He went in that direction." "Pardon me, sir." "Seven and a quarter." "I think this one will..." "I don't like that one at all." "Let's see some others." "Nor that one either." "Ah, here's one of our latest models." "I still don't see what I need another hat for." "You can at least try it on." "It doesn't cost you anything." "We have this model in all colors." "Brown, tan, pearl, gray, oyster white and green." "Move over, bub, I gotta get to the door." "Come on, Herbert, try it on." "Try it on!" "How do I look in it, Mabel?" "If you'll put that smelly cigar down," "I'll be able to get close enough to tell." "It goes well with your face, sir." "Oh, I don't like it." "Besides, I've got a hat." "What does a man need two hats for?" "He doesn't need two hats." "He needs one good one." "I tell you, there's no hat like my old hat." "All new hats seem strange at first." "You just have to get used to them." "You always fuss this way." "Then after you buy it, you tell me I was right all the time." "That is our new snap brim." "Will you please put that cigar down?" "Now, let's see the hat." "I don't like the hat, and I'm gonna smoke my cigar!" "You and your new hat!" "Somebody turned my cigar around, and I don't like this hat anyway." "Now, here's a lovely hat." "Come and sit down and try it on." "That's nice." "I wouldn't be caught dead in a hat like this." "Don't put it square on your head like a pot." "If you don't like that one, sir, may I show you another?" "This way, please." "Uh-oh!" "Am I going to try on every hat in the store?" "Yes, until you admit that you like one." "I haven't seen a hat yet... that I'd put on a self-respecting horse." "Excuse me, please." "Yes, gentlemen?" "We're looking for a friend." "Perhaps you've seen him." "He is about medium height, with a turned-up nose." "Sorry, gentlemen." "I'm very busy just now." "You'll have to excuse me." "We're not leaving this store 'til we get our hands on him." "We should've broken into the apartment and slit his throat." "This one is our latest imported model." "Imported!" "That's my own hat!" "You must be mistaken." "Which hat are you talking about?" "That hat that's on the dummy." "That's not a dummy, that's a man!" "You said it, lady!" "Hey, wait a minute." "This isn't my hat!" "Wait!" "You'd never get away with this if the lights were on." "I'll..." "Hey, let me out of here!" "Open this..." "Let me out of here or I'll drown like a rat." "Fine place for a king." "Oh, an old furnace pipe." "I hope it fits me." "What a place." "I hope this leads to grand central." "Now I know what a pipe cleaner feels like." "Now, as is our custom in Barovia, whoever draws the long straw will have the great good fortune... of putting an end to the life of Michael Valentine." "Will you please get the straws?" "Now, as to the method," "I know there are some here who favor execution by firing squad." "In my opinion, this is a dangerous procedure." "Democrats!" "Moreover, shooting is too honorable a death." "I say strangle Valentine!" "The end of a rope is the only place for this idiotic upstart." "Here, you're late." "Yeah, the subway was crowded." "I'm late." "Whoever is fortunate enough to draw the straw, do not make it easy for him, make him suffer as his father made us suffer." "Repay him in kind for all our years of exile in this stupid democracy, for all the years away from our native land, Barovia." "Come on." "Huh?" "Come on." "Yeah, yeah." "Short shroud." "I'll probably get the rest of it later." "Gentlemen, our usual oath." "Death to the Vanicheks!" "An eye for an eye!" "Death to the Vanicheks!" "A tooth for a tooth!" "Death to Michael Valentine!" "A..." "A ticket for Duluth." "Duluth." "That's, uh..." "What is this Duluth?" "Oh, I've got a loose tooth." "I've got..." "This is no time to be funny." "Well, I've gotta eat." "What!" "This is my meat." "Kill the rat!" "Kill him!" "We will proceed with the drawing of the straws... to find out who will dispose of Michael Valentine." "Make your choices quickly." "We must not keep Mr. Valentine waiting." "Eenie, meenie, minee, moe." "Moe?" "Moe and still moe." "Does a meatball go with this one?" "I congratulate you." "The honor is yours." "Yes, sir." "He got the short one, I got the long kiss." "Yes, yes, but according to ancient Barovian custom, the winning straw is the long straw." "You have won the privilege of destroying Michael Valentine." "I..." "I..." "Will the two who brought Valentine here step forward, please?" "You will accompany our friend to see that the deed is done." "Oh, fellas, really." "I don't need any help." "You have no idea how much you'll get in my way." "I..." "I envy you." "Remember, stay with him until you're positive that he's dead." "Don't worry." "When Valentine takes his last breath, I'll be there." "I don't really need these fellas." "But Valentine, though undoubtedly simpleminded, is desperate and slippery." "That's right." "He's desperate and slippery and brave and handsome and tough." "But so am I." "Gentlemen, stand back." "I'll handle this deal myself." "I've come to get you, you dirty rat!" "Oh, no!" "Don't, don't!" "You tried to be a blue blood, huh?" "Oh, don't." "Let my neck go!" "Please, please, you're choking me!" "Please, please!" "What's the matter, you crazy or something?" "I'm..." "Oh, please!" "Stay there!" "Now I'm going to put this noose around your neck." "Yes, you." "Oh, no, not that!" "Let me put this around your head." "He's as dead as he'll ever be." "Good work." "Congratulations." "It was nothing." "It was pretty easy." "He had a yellow streak down his back a foot wide." "Ayellow streak?" "What was it?" "Blood." "Well?" "The king is dead." "It was quite a struggle." "I only came up to here on him, but I got a grip on him, jerked him over my shoulder, slammed him to the ground, got the noose around his neck, tighter and tighter." "And it was all over." "Meeting adjourned, men." "See you later." "No, no." "You witness this?" "No, he insisted on handling it alone." "Alone?" "We must see for ourselves." "You wouldn't want to go down there." "He looked horrible enough when he was alive." "There is no pleasanter sight than a dead Vanichek." "Gentlemen, you're doubting me again." "On my honor!" "Don't you believe me?" "You call me a liar and I'll..." "Oh, not you." "You!" "Be careful." "Get back in the store window." "I better beat them down there." "Whoa!" "And to think that this miserable moron stood between us and the wealth of Barovia." "We must get rid of the body as soon as possible." "In this country, there is a popular method." "A barrel of cement in the river." "Leave no traces." "We have no time for that." "We will bury him right here in the basement." "Only fitting that the king should be buried in Barovian territory." "First, we will take care of the general." "Gone!" "There!" "The old heating system." "What fools we've been." "Upstairs quickly." "Some of you remain here." "We'll shoot him as he comes out of the vent." "Something went wrong." "Well, back in the sewer." "Aha!" "Oh, a side street." "You asked for it." "Let go, you fool." "It's me!" "I oughta marry a gopher and settle down." "I wonder where this goes." "Why didn't you take me into your confidence before, General?" "I might have been of some help." "If we could locate the headquarters of the Mordia..." "You were saying?" "I was saying... if we could locate the headquarters of the Mordia, we might be able to rescue him." " Why not call in the police?" " An excellent idea." "There's no need to ask for help in locating the Mordia's headquarters, my dear General." "This is it." "Aha!" "Fool around with a king, will ya?" "You Mordian, you!" "Ooh, you..." "Keep the gun on him." "Stay there." ""Barovian Consulate. " This is the joint." "Give me the papers we found on the body of what's-his-name." "Grubitch." "Hey, Victor, you figure the hotel will charge you for the night he spent in the closet?" "Don't be a wise guy!" "Maybe this consul can give us some dope that'll help us out." "You really think Valentine knocked off that guy?" "Sure." "Why did Mike beat it?" "He's probably in South America by now." "And to think I had my mitts on him!" "Get me the police!" "Valentine!" "What kept you?" "You're under arrest for the murder of Minister Grubitch!" "Oh, wonderful." "I never thought I'd be happy to see you." "Officer, arrest this man." "This is a dangerous criminal." "I heard that before." "What are you doing with that gun in your hand?" "Officer, I am Paul Stertorius, the Barovian consul." "And I accuse these two political enemies of attempting to murder me." "Oh, get that talk." "He's twistin' things around like a bubble dancer." "He's had me in that dungeon for hours!" "Why, if you..." "We're pulling everybody in." "You can explain later." "Come on, boys." "Listen, this is the headquarters of a secret organization." "Keep your nightshirt on, sister." "Take her away." "But she's right." "Crawl down those pipes and you'll find 'em." "Crawl down the pipes!" "You can't get away with this by pleading' insanity." "You were alone with that man when he was murdered, weren't you?" "But I didn't do it." "A knife flew in through the window." "A mosquito carrying' an ice pick flew over from Jersey!" "Look, Victor, there they are!" "Look, I tell ya." "There they are!" "Look, I tell ya." "Look!" "Will you please look?" "Disappeared again, huh?" "No, no, the bookcase!" "There must be a button here someplace." "There's gotta be a button." "Don't be an idiot." "Just get yourself a good lawyer." "No, there's a button here." "Aha, aha!" "Look!" "Get me a lawyer." "I could've..." "All right, stay where you are." "Hold it." "Harry, Joe!" "Harry, Joe!" "Help him." "Trina!" "Taxi!" "We take off immediately." "Tell them not to strew any rose petals in my path." "I got hay fever." "Say, hold the plane." "There's my prime minister, Krivoc." "Hurry up!" "It's too dangerous to hang around here." "We gotta get off the ground." "Where were you when we needed you?" "Thank heaven, Your Majesty's alive." "I've been searching everywhere for you." "I've been everywhere." "Wait'll I tell you about it." "Boy, what a fight." "Me and Victor made horse meat out of the whole Mordia." "Every last one." "Not every last one." "What do you mean?" "Who's left?" "I am." "Let's get him!" "You?" "Oh, let's get him." "He's only got a cane." "I can lick any guy that needs a cane." "No, wait." "It is a cane which is more deadly than it seems." "Like our faithful prime minister, Mr. Krivoc." "You're entirely correct." "You're out of your mind." "What's gonna happen when the pilot comes out and sees us?" "He will not find you." "An unfortunate but unavoidable accident will have occurred." "That door has been blown open by the slipstream." "In attempting to close it, his gracious highness, the last of the Vanicheks, and General Trina Grimovitch fell from the heights to an untimely death." "Not very ingenious, I'm afraid, but it will serve when the time arises." "You're an old-fashioned villain, Mr. Krivoc." "Shoot us now and be done with it." "Wait a minute." "If he wants to be old-fashioned, let him." "I am waiting until we are over the ocean." "In that way, you will disappear more conveniently." "Are you getting nervous, Your Highness?" "You're growing pale." "It's that blue blood." "It fades." "Michael, be dignified." "Die like a Vanichek." "Certainly." "Ah, I see you have a cigar." "This is a moment for bravado." "Light the cigar." "Relax." "I..." "All right." "Compose an epigram." "Have you nothing to say?" "I should've taken the train." "I don't wanna get into the habit." "We've reached the ocean." "You will please cross to the door." "Quickly, both of you!" "To the door." "You're very foolish, Krivoc." "Your kind of philosophy can no longer succeed." "You cannot turn the world back." "To you, it is back." "To me, it is forward." "From now on, I will be the government of Barovia." "You're gonna be nothing." "The pilot's got you covered." "Boy, am I glad to see you." "I am not looking back, my friend." "I'm a little too old and too wise." "Josef, if he makes a move, fire!" "Yes, Josef, who's not there, fire, shoot." "What's wrong, Josef?" "No gun, Josef?" "NoJosef?" "Now, reach for the sky." "This is Josef." "Wanted me to smoke a cigar, huh?" "Ha ha!" "Stand right there, brother." "I've just contacted the..." "What's happened?" "Nothing, my good man." "Your king has the situation well in hand." "Minister Zavitch is calling the general from LaGuardia Field." "What makes you think that cane's loaded?" "Huh?" "Well, there's one way of finding out." "It's loaded!" " Yes, Zavitch, what is it?" " I have received a cablegram from Barovia." "King Hubertus has recovered." "How wonderful!" "Have his majesty come in here, please." "You stand guard over Krivoc." "Zavitch, there is no longer any necessity for haste." "We'll return to LaGuardia Field and pick you up." "Turn back, please." "Hey, where are we going?" "Why are we turning around?" "We're returning to New York." "Mr. Valentine, according to this cablegram, you are not the king." "Not even the king's son." "Oh, boy, it's too good to be true." "I can't understand it." "We're running out of gas." "You better stop at the next filling station." "Huh?" "The Mordia!" "They have siphoned the tank." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Michael!" "We're going to die." "What?" "I want to tell you I love you!" "Oh, now she tells me." "Maybe you can fly down and see me once in a while." "Michael." "Have we crashed yet?" "We're all right now." "I just switched over to a full tank." "Oh!" "I'm glad you thought of that." "Hello, hello, hello?" "What's going on?" "What's happening?" "Mr. Valentine is kissing the general." "That is all." "That's what he thinks." "Silly boy." "Oh-ho." "Go on home." "You've seen it all."