"Uh-huh." "Well, let me run it past my business partner and I'll get back to you." "Okay?" "Thanks." "God, how does this happen?" "I've only been on the phone five minutes." "And in that five minutes," "I emptied the contents in our refrigerator onto our kitchen island." " Dare I ask why?" " I'm making dinner for Jacob." "He always cooks for me so I'm flipping the script." "Doesn't look like there is a script." "I'm freestyling, lady." "I let the ingredients speak to me." "I cook the way I paint, with intense sexual rage." "Well, while you were in here talking to food or whatever," " I got a new bid on our vibrators." " And?" "It's gonna cost us 30 percent more, but they'll deliver by the end of the month." "So what do we do?" "Well, the guy on the phone was kind of flirty, so I want to..." " Send him a tasteful nude?" " No." "I'm going to tell him we're talking to a cheaper manufacturer in Malaysia." "And then, bam, that's when we hit him with the nudie." "No nudies." "I was kidding." "The real plan is we accidentally conference in the Malaysians." "I could probably learn that accent in 15 minutes." "Frankie, when has one of your accents ever worked for us?" "Only every time, man." "Now you be leaving, I and I be cooking." "You can handle it, man." "So, which do you want to plant first:" "an impish "Jersey Devil"... a jaunty "Mr. Stripey"" "or an aptly-named "Monkey Ass"?" "Sorry." "I had to do something to make gardening fun." " You pick." " No, no." "It's your honor." "This is the first Friday where you haven't accidentally put your suit on." "I'm happy being retired." "I don't get those stress headaches anymore." "Of course, now they're replaced with boredom headaches." "Hello, Lydia." "You can tell your sister right now that we're not going to their house on Lake Michigan this year." "Oh?" "Sure." "Okay." "I'll call you later." "Bye." "I'm sorry, I can't sleep in those bunk beds again." "And it's mayonnaise salad after mayonnaise salad." "Don't worry, we're not going to Lake Michigan." " So why did she call?" " Oh..." "She just wanted to let me know that Mother passed away in her sleep last night." "You know, this really does look like a monkey's ass." "You're bringing a bathing suit?" "The place we're staying at doesn't have a pool, does it?" "It doesn't, but it's across the street from the beach." " Oh, right." " Do you not want to go to the beach?" "If you want to go, I am happy to go." "Decide when we get there?" "Okay." " Tennis racket?" " Yeah." "I figure we can hit some balls around while we're up there." "We don't have to." "But if you want to..." "Decide when we get there?" " Okay." " Okay." " Hey." " Hey." "So, Dad called." "Grandma died." " Hello?" " Yeah, I'm here." "Oh, my God, I feel terrible." " Really?" " Yeah." "I totally forgot she was still alive." "I know, right?" "So, I'm gonna go over to Dad and Sol's and help with some funeral stuff." " Okay." "What time?" " Not telling you." "I've got this covered." "No, I want to help." "No." "You're not gonna ruin your weekend with Mitch because of this." " But it..." " No." "You will be back in time for the service." "Do not cancel your trip." "You're right." "Of course." "Okay." "Bye." "We have to cancel our trip." " Hey." " Hey!" "Pots are not supposed to melt, right?" "No." "So, that this happened is weird, right?" " It's impossible." "Congratulations." " Huh." "Those don't look like Veggies by Jake." "No, the grocery store." "Sometimes it's nice not to have to work so hard for a carrot." "Tough day on the farm?" "Every day is a tough day when you're running a farm." "5:00 a.m. comes earlier every morning." "There's a 5:00 a.m.?" "I'm kidding, I've heard of it." "What happened?" "I have a cricket infestation I have to take care of." "No, no, you cannot kill crickets." "They're Mother Earth's tiny musicians." "You know 30 percent of owning a farm is killing stuff, right?" "You know that 90 percent of dating a farmer is denying that 30 percent?" "Sit and relax." "You've had a hard day." " Thank you." "So will Grace be joining us?" " Oh." "No, Grace went over to Robert's." "His mother died." "Aww." "He's lucky to have had her this long." "Well, the misery of others sustained her." "Someone is supposed to be sitting in their seat." "Someone just loves to help." "Someone says thank you... but she doesn't need any help." "That's not where that goes." "Stop helping." "What do you have so far?" "Okay." "Here goes..." ""Say what you want about Barbara Hanson, but she always really hated Mexican people."" "Brianna!" "Honestly, how do I write nice things about a woman who volunteered with the mentally disabled because they're "easy to beat at cards"?" "We could say she "gave of herself."" "Oh, okay." "I can do that." "And what's another term for... if, like, a dry heave were a person?" "Stoic." ""She kept a silent, cold house and slowly whittled my grandfather down to a nub"?" "Um..." ""Proud Reader's Digest subscriber"?" ""She confidently sported a mustache"?" "She was stately." "Grace." "Hi, Mom." "I brought you some food and..." " some stuff Frankie made." " Mmm." "Where's Robert?" " He's in the bedroom." " How is he?" "Well, I think he's a little lost right now as to how he should be feeling." "Sometimes it's even more difficult to process a complicated relationship like the one he had with his mother, but it still has to be painful." "So many emotions, really." "Also, when the second parent dies, all of a sudden, your safety net is removed." "I think he's feeling vulnerable, but he's..." "Oh, she left around the word "emotions."" "Oh." "Oh, you should go with the housecoat." "Show off your calf muscles." "They're my mother's... were my mother's." "I recognize them." "I'm so sorry, Robert." "Yeah, she was a wonderful... bridge player." "Well, what do you think that wonderful bridge player would like to be buried in?" "A smart, white suit." "How do you know that?" "Oh, she told me once." "Nicest thing she ever said to me." "These are neither smart nor white nor suits." "This is a nightgown." "And in no way flattering." "How about I take you shopping?" "We could get something for her." "You would do that?" "Well, you did come over and pick me up off the floor." "I owe you." " We're keeping score?" " Oh, yeah." "Hey." "You okay?" "I'm fine, Sol." "Oh, her clothes." "I remember when my mother passed, going through her closet." "Her perfume on her clothes brought back so many memories." "Her shoes, particularly." "The ones she wore in the garden." "The ones she wore to temple." "Mom." "What are you gonna say to Grace when she asks what happened to the kitchen floor?" "I'm gonna tell her not to look at the ceiling." "Well, shall we?" "Uh, it's a buffet." "I based it on one that I love at Caesar's Palace." "After you." "What happened there?" "I walked into my goat." "Oh, poor old Carol Anne." "Poor old Jacob." "There's a reason you don't see a lot of old farmers." "Oh, what about "Old MacDonald"?" "He had a farm." "Have you ever seen Old MacDonald?" "You know what?" "I haven't." "I don't have a clear picture in my head at all." "I rest my case." "But you love that farm." "I loved it when I was 50." "But now that my body's 70... it doesn't matter how much I love it." "I am tired." "Really?" "Really." "But what would you do next?" "And don't say "cookie dough taster" because that's my chapter two." "Well, actually..." "I... kind of have a plan in place." " You do?" " Yes." "Remember that trip I took to Santa Fe to see my kids?" "Yeah." "I also went there to see a little adobe that I own." "You own a house in Santa Fe?" "Yeah." "I bought it when my oldest moved there about 12 years ago." "I've been renting it out." "But you aren't anymore?" " No." "Not anymore." " Why not?" "Because..." "I might need it." "Because you're..." "You might move to Santa Fe?" "At some point." "When is "some point"?" "When the time comes." "Sounds like the time's coming." "When did you plan to tell me all this?" "I don't know." "We never talk much about the future." "I mean, well, we talk a lot about the future, like... artificial intelligence or if you'll be jealous of your clone." "She'd be jealous of me!" "I didn't mean to get you upset." "I'm not upset." "I'm just listening to you talk about your farm and your Santa Fe." "I'm sure it's beautiful there." "Why am I clearing these plates?" "I haven't even started my dinner." "I can't believe you stole Dad's good Scotch." "I'm pouring one out for my dead homie." "To Grandma." "She was... related to us." "Yes, I'm positive she's dead." "Well, no, I didn't actually see the body, but it's true, I can't technically prove it." "Wow, people seem really devastated." "Let's just find a good picture of her." "Yeah, but let's take our time though, 'cause, you know, Scotch." "Uh-huh." "That's true, but still..." "There's that million dollar smile." "Were her lips sewn shut?" "No, look, here's one of her screaming." "Ooh, do you remember this?" "That was the day that she told you you were going to hell for living with Mitch before you were married." "Still my favorite part of my wedding day." "And yet you'd rather be here doing this instead of on vacation with your husband." "Family comes first." "Try again." "Okay, you got me." "I didn't want you giving me shit for leaving you alone to deal with this." "Oh, I'll find another reason to give you shit and I'm still not buying it." "Well, that's all I'm selling." "Bullshit." "Why aren't you off getting pool-drunk at your nice hotel?" " Because." " Because why?" "Because I didn't want to go away with Mitch." "Ah-ha!" "Gotcha!" " Oh, shit." " No!" "She died of natural causes." "Nobody killed her." "Yes, I'm sure." "Pretty sure." "Feel free not to talk to me about your feelings." "I've missed our passive-aggressive silences." "Oh, how about something like this?" "Only all white." "That's how she liked her neighborhood, too." "Is she the same size she used to be?" "Last time you saw her how'd she look?" "Angry." "It was not a great visit." "Well, why should this time be any different?" "Because I told her I was gay." "Oh, my God, you did?" "How did that go?" "Well, we are shopping for her burial clothes, you tell me." "So, how about something like this?" "No." "Oh, wait a minute." "This is more like it." "But I'd need to see it on somebody." "We need a stern battle-axe with a map of Ireland on her face." "I believe the woman you're looking for is right over there." "Look, I don't know a lot about marriage, but I do read a lot of Family Circus, and from what I understand, a lot of this is normal." "Nothing feels normal at my house anymore." "See, that's the whole point of vacation, hotels make things better." "I don't think a piña colada and room service are gonna do it." "Oh, wow, that's dark." "I mean, have you and Mitch tried couples counseling?" "We're in counseling." "This is us in counseling." "Wow." "What are you going to do?" "I'm not gonna break up my family." "I have four kids." "Well..." "I mean, I'm not a huge fan of children in general, but I, myself, was a child and I remember what it felt like growing up in a house with unhappy parents." "I do, too." "You don't want to do that to your kids." "I know." "I don't." "It just doesn't feel like I have a lot of options." "If the kids were not in the picture, what would you do?" "I mean, don't you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy?" "I'd settle for someone who wants to be in the same room as me." "No, wrong." "You need someone who wants to be with you all the time." "Who loves you even when you hate yourself." "And no matter where you go or what you do, he still wants to be with you." "I think that guy's... an urban legend." "Oh, my God." "I used to date an urban legend." "I never even knew Winston's had dresses." "Well, that's because you were so busy munching popovers up on the third floor." "They're always fresh and they serve them with strawberry butter." "Where is it your mother is going?" "She's going far away." "It's gonna be hot there." "Well, this might not work then." "The fabric is a bit heavy." "Oh, that's okay." "She runs cold." "What I mean is it doesn't breathe very well." "Nor does she." "It's tight a bit when I do... this." " She won't be doing that." " She mostly keeps her arms at her sides." "Or across her chest." "Oh, it's a good suit for her." "Could you... hunch over and glower?" "Or could you possibly overcook some string beans?" "I'm not sure I understand." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "It's good." "We'll take it." "We're so bad." "Oh, God, we're awful." "We're so, so bad." "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "Oh, Robert." "I'm so sorry." "We shouldn't be laughing." "No... it's not just the dying." "I think..." "I mean, I know..." "I'm sorry..." "I can't..." "What?" "You're being so nice to me." "Do you not want me to be?" "Because this is a lot of work." "I'm sorry because I know how it feels... not to be loved by someone who should love you." "And I know how terrible it must have felt for you all those years." "And I am so, so very sorry." "Thank you for telling me." "Oh." "Uh, I'm sorry, can I come out now?" "Oh, jeez." "Boo!" "Boo yourself." "I heard your truck door slam." "Uh-huh." "What's this?" "Untitled Poodle With Additional Poodles." "I like it." " Are those for me?" " Yes." "I call them "flower and additional flowers."" "Well, you're wasting your money because I steal my flowers from Grace's bedroom." "But thank you." "Frankie..." "I'm sorry about last night." "No, I'm sorry." "It just threw me that you already had this whole plan in place." "Well, I didn't want to assume that we're at the point where my future plans would affect you." "Well, we are... and they do." "So, what if, when the time comes, you come with me?" "To Santa Fe?" "Yes, you'd love it there." "It's an artist community." "Deeply spiritual." "And we'd only be an hour away from Albuquerque, which, as you know, is..." "Is the hot air balloon capital of the world." "Jacob, don't do this to me." "Why?" "You'd love it there." "That town... was made for you." "I don't know." "My life is here." "I have kids and a business and a Grace." "She won't survive without me." "I'm the glue that holds that vintage Barbie together." "What else do you see for yourself?" "I don't know." "I..." "I had these plans when I was married to Sol." "I never replaced them, except I'd enjoy having grandchildren one day." "I want to keep making art." "And have I mentioned Grace?" "I have to ask..." "Do you really see yourself living here with Grace for the rest of your life?" "Look, there's no pressure." "We're not making any decisions today." "We're not making any decisions tomorrow." "So, you mean, like..." "Wednesday?" "Take all the time you need." "Okay?" " Hey." " Hey." "How's your dad?" "Good." " Good." "You know." " Yeah, I do." "When's the funeral?" "Uh, it's Sunday." "Oh." "We could still go up to Santa Barbara for a couple days if you want to." "Do you want to?" "Well, if you want to." "Oh, my God, do you want to go or not?" "Look, just tell me." " I'm saying if you still wanted to go..." " You're not saying anything." "Haven't you realized that when we talk we don't say anything?" "Do you want to do that for two days?" "Is that something that you're looking forward to?" "Because I'm not." "I was actually relieved when we decided not to go." "Wow." "Okay." "Me, too." "Hey, I'm so sorry to bother you with something as invasive as a phone call." "I know this is, um..." "I..." "I'd have wanted..." "I just wanted to touch base and..." "How is Baltimore?" "It's okay." "This is weird, right?" "Yeah." "So... can I come and see you?" "I, um..." "Uh..." "Yeah." "Okay." "Yes." "It's good to hear your voice." "Yeah, you too." "Will you need a box?" " No, thanks." "We have one." " Yes." "A rather large rectangular one." "Yeah, I get it, she's dead." "You're a good sport." "What's your name?" "Maureen." "I'm sorry for your loss." "Thank you." "Look how beautiful this is." "Shall we put it on her?" " She'd hate it." " Oh, she would." "Yeah." "It is beautiful." "How about if I buy it for you?" "Robert, are you actually buying me a present in the moment because you're thinking about me?" "I think I am." " Oh, thank you." " You're welcome." "How about I take you up to the third floor and get you one of those popovers with strawberry butter?" "I've been waiting for you to say that all day." "Please add this." "We'll be right back, Margaret." " Maureen." " Sorry." "Cute scarf." "Robert bought it for me." "Sounds like death brings out the best in him." "I guess it does." "You gonna bogart that thing?" "Brianna taught me some pot words." "You know, I actually enjoyed spending time with Robert today." "I thought you had plans to hate him forever." "Plans can change." "They really can." "What are you thinking about?" "Balloons." "It's never a straight line with you, is it?" "Yeah." "Okay, good night."