"¶ One fine day with a woof and purr ¶" "¶ a baby was born and it caused a little stir ¶" "¶ no blue bug and no three-eyed frog ¶" "¶ just a feline, canine, little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ out on the road or back in town ¶" "¶ all kind of critters putting catdog down ¶" "¶ got to rise above it, got to try to get along ¶" "¶ got to walk together, got to sing this song ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog. ¶ [captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education and nickelodeon]" "Cliff:" "Yeah, here comes that freak right on schedule." "It's time we got him." "It takes a two-headed dummy to catch a two-headed dummy." "( Giggles )" "Lube!" "When i yell "glue," you squirt!" "Uh, uh... got it, boss." "The signal is "glue."" "Then we roll him in chicken feathers and, uh... ( Clucking ) ...run him out of town." "Hey!" "What you doing, hanging out?" "I can hang, I'm a good hanger." "Hey, beat it, nut-breath." "We're about to catch us a catdog." "Catdog!" "I can catch a catdog." "( Growling )" "There's a catdog now!" "Let me at him!" "Take that, you dirty, stinking dog." "Dog, dog, dog." "Cat, cat, cat, cat." "Cat, dog, cat... ( Yelps )" "That's not catdog, you lousy rodent." "Oh..." "It's a trap, see?" "Bait." "Feathers." "Glue." "( Laughs )" "Dog:" "Garbage truck!" "Oh, come on!" "Move, you big noodle-head!" "What do you think you were doing?" "Uh, you said "glue."" "Squirrel:" "Guys, i should have been the glue man." "( Gasping ):" "Ooh!" "( Gasps )" "Get it off, get it off!" "What are you upset about?" "This is fun!" "Come on." "Get this tree jockey off of me." "The thing is, we don't usually take orders from non-greasers." "Hey, i am a greaser." "You betcha, you tell 'em." "Uh, i don't think so." "Let's review the big book of greaser rules, shall we?" "Rule number one..." "Greasers are dogs." "I'm a dog, I'm a dog." "I'm a dog!" "I'm a dog-- growl." "Rule number two, greasers are not two-headed freaks." "She's got you on a technicality there." "One, uh... two." "Hey, I'm the same old cliff." "We're like brothers salt and pepper assault and battery breaking and entering" "Laurel and Hardy." "Tuna and dolphins." "I vote we get cliff out of the greasers." "All in favor, say "aye."" "Aye." "Me." "Motion passed." "Adios, freak!" "( Lube jeering )" "Freak." "Boy, this is great." "You and me together forever." "Two peas in a pod." "( Thunderclap )" "( Groans )" "( Whimpers )" "Man:" "We're closed, freak." "( Windows closing all the way up )" "( Car alarm walls )" "Hiya, freak." "( Laughs )" "( Sniffling )" "Please, tell me I'm not a freak!" "Man:" "Shut up, you freak!" "( Door slams )" "Ah, here's to the good life, dog." "( Chuckles )" "( Doorbell rings, barks, yowls )" "( Thunderclap )" "( Screeches )" "Little girl selling cookies?" "I means you no harm." "I comes in peace." "Please, help me." "I'm a freak." "You're a freak." "Teach me your freakish ways." "Sure, we'll help you." "Did you know you have a squirrely on your back?" "Yeah, well, it beats having a cat on your butt." "I'll help you, cliff." "( Clears throat )" "What you need is a guide..." "A teacher..." "A guru..." "In a word, me." "( Clears throat )" "Oh, boy, do we pound the freak now?" "We don't use the term "freak."" "We prefer bi-cranial quadruped." "Okay, do we pound the bi-cranial quadruped now?" "Shh!" "It's a three-step program." "We'll begin with communication." "Ooh." "So, dog, how was your day?" "Well, first i went..." "No need to listen." "Since you're attached, you were there." "Hey, come on." "Let me at him, i can..." "Step two:" "Working together." "When you're a twosome you can prepare a meal while reading a book." "Like pizza ala catdog." "( Humming )" "( Humming Italian tune )" "¶ When the pie hits your pizza ¶" "¶ it's so good to eat-za ¶" "¶ la-la-la ¶" "¶ thank you, cliff ¶" "¶ la-la-la-la, la-la-la ¶ aw!" "¶ La-la-la, la-la ¶" "¶ la-la ¶" "¶ la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ la-la... ¶ La-la. ¶" "( wheezes )" "Step three." "Doing what your other half enjoys." "Well, let's take dog, for instance." "He likes to chase garbage trucks." "Cat:" "Dog, no, no!" "No, no!" "Dog!" "Stop it!" "Well, what do you like to do, squirrel?" "I'd like to pound catdog." "Besides that." "How about this?" "( Cliff screams )" "Squirrel:" "Oh!" "Isn't this great, cliff?" "( Chattering )" "Here's a trick my granddaddy taught me." "( Gasping )" "( Chattering )" "Hey, hey!" "Are you a flying squirrel?" "No, why?" "( Screaming )" "And here comes the best part." "( Horn honking )" "Squirrel:" "Whee!" "( Cliff moans )" "Squirrel:" "Whee!" "Cat:" "Ow, oh, stop, stop, please." "( Click )" "( Music and applause )" "( Click )" "( Music slows and stops )" "( Crow caws )" "Hey, thanks, cat." "You was one great teacher." "I learned plenty." "I'm ready to face the world as a bi-cranial quadruped thing, person." "( Click, music, applause )" "Bye, cliff-squirrel." "Come again any time." "( Sobbing )" "There goes the future, dog." "I'm telling you, that boy is going places." "( Sobbing )" "Squirrel:" "Oh, boy, what now, cliff?" "I got some unfinished business to take care of with some friends." "I'm right behind you." "Hey, what's your name, anyhow?" "Eddie, but my friends call me the pulverizer." "Oh, okay. ( Chuckles )" "Pulverizer." "I always say, it takes a two-headed dummy to catch a two-headed dummy." "( Gasp ) ( Gasp )" "Both:" "Cliff-squirrel!" "In person." "Mm-hmm." "And we got something to say, huh, squirrel?" "You betcha." "We like who we are." "Squirrel:" "Yeah!" "I am we, he is me." "We is all together." "Tell it, brother." "Goo goo g'joob." "And if cliff-squirrel ain't good enough for the greasers i and we don't care." "That goes double for me-- hallelujah!" "Cliff:" "So take your lousy jacket." "There." "We quit." "Hey..." "Hey!" "( Laughs )" "Hey, i ain't a freak no more." "I'm back." "I'm a greaser." "Yeah, and I'm a greaser, too." "No, you is out of here, Eddie." "Call me pulverizer!" "Shriek:" "Welcome back, cliff." "Lube:" "We missed you, boss." "( All sniffling )" "We're hugging each other and such." "Whoa." "Hey." "( Squealing )" "What do you want to do now, cliff?" "( Crickets chirping )" "( Doorbell rings, barks, yowls )" "Hey, look, dog." "It's our star pupil." "Did you come over for the class reunion?" "Where's squirrel?" "Okay, well, i..." "Cliff, count to ten." "Calm down whoa!" "Let's get out of here!" "( Glass breaks )" "Dog:" "It's here, it's here, it's here!" "Cat:" "Slow down, please." "Stop, already." "The mud's here, the mud's here." "( Crowd cheering )" "( Bell ringing )" "Let's get ready to rumba." "Ladies and gentlemen, in this corner, weighing in at a mean 400 ounces our current champion, the dog of death." "All the way from cucaracha, Mexico wearing his trademark filthy fur, El gato muerto." "( Crowd booing )" "Sure, you beat Otis the myopic hillbilly but you'll never win back the championship belt." "( Growling )" "Nice try, El gato, but your tricks won't work here." "( Both grumbling, grunting... )" "Ow!" "Hey!" "Winslow:" "Oh, oh, that's the Toledo pretzel lump." "Yow!" "It's the hammerlock scissors wedgie." "Well, brothers day is coming up." "What you going to get me, huh, huh, huh, huh?" "A breath mint." "Now get off me." "One, two, three, you're out of there, cat." "The winner, and still champion, the dog of death!" "Yoo-hoo, Mr. luffa." "Why there you are." "Look at you." "What's that?" "You want to clean me?" "Oh, Mr. luffa, that is a riot!" "Well, if you insist." "Why, Mr. luffa, you are incorrigible." "( Laughs heartily )" "( Humming )" "( Clears throat )" "I hate to interrupt your special cat-luffa moment..." "But what are you getting dog for brothers day?" "Zippo, nada, nothing, z-plus-ro." "Gifts, every time i buy dog a gift it blows up in my face." "Check this out." "On our first brothers day, i bought dog a jar of gourmet mayonnaise;" "He gave me a hat." "I got him an expensive dirt bike on our fifth brothers day;" "i still have the scar." "And then, there was that time, well, every night since-- nightmares... i can't, i can't go." "Just, i don't want to be that guy, please." "I'd rather forget brothers day, thank you." "Whoa, whoa!" "Whoa, whoa!" "Bark, bark." "Man ( Over loudspeaker ):" "don't forget your brother on brothers day." "don't forget your brother on brothers day." "Wow!" "Dog:" "Brothers day sale." "Hey, cat?" "Cat, can i borrow a few bucks so i can buy you a gift?" "You spent the last of our funds on mud." "We're flat broke." "It's too bad, really." "I guess we can't exchange brothers day gifts this year." "I'm sorry, cat." "I know you must be disappointed." "TV announcer:" "And the mall is enjoying brisk business as brothers prepare for brothers day." "Look for holiday parades, pageants and a guest appearance by the manicotti quintuplets." "Girl:" "¶ forget about your father, forget about your mother ¶" "¶ spend at least a dollar, jeepers, he's your brother. ¶ announcer:" "Brothers day is a registered trademark of shvanker and bockmeyer enterprises." "Any use of brothers day..." "Man, am i sure glad i don't have a brother." "You don't know what you're missing." "Someone to share the good times and the bad." "Yeah, well, if i did have a bro, I'd be real crafty-like and tell him I'm not going to buy him a brothers day gift." "But then, I'd purchase him the greatest gift ever." "But that's just me." "Dog ( Thinking ):" "Oh, I'll bet that was cat's plan all along." "What a great guy!" "Somehow I'll have to scrounge together some moola and buy him something special." "Cat ( Thinking ):" "Dog's going to buy me a present and make me look like a fool unless i can come up with some cash and get him one first." "( Yells )" "( Sniffles ) Oh, good-bye, mud." "Hello, Mr. Washington;" "Nice wig." "Hello, Mr. Lincoln;" "That's a very pretty goatee." "Hello, Mr. Nixon;" "You need a shave, as per usual." "Hey, dog, what's that truck doing?" "I, i, I'm having the mud cleaned." "Oh, good idea." "Um, come on." "I've got some... stuff to do in town." "Cat:" "Loof-o-rama." "Well, this is the place." "( Door chime rings )" "( Dinging... ) ( Gasps )" "May i help you?" "Yes, i, um, well, i came to sell my..." "Hand over the luffa, bub." "( Crying ):" "don't go!" "don't leave me all alone, please!" "don't worry, cat." "I'm not going anywhere." "( Sobbing... ) ( Cash register rings sale )" "Aha." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah, very good." "Where's Mr. luffa going?" "( Sniffling ):" "He's just going on a little vacation and he'll be home soon." "Wherever you go..." "Whoever you clean, don't forget me." "Someday I'll be back for you..." "Someday." "Oh, that's what they all say." "Well, let's, um, go to the mall." "Cat:" "Boy, look at all these suckers caught up in brothers day hysteria, huh?" "Good thing we decided not to get each other gifts." "Yeah, boy, what a waste of time and money." "Let's browse for useless stuff at the useless mart." "( Stretching )" "Women ( On P.A. ):" "Attention, useless mart shoppers:" "There's a sale on fur sinks in aisle five." "¶ Dog, oh, dog. ¶ dog!" "Where are you?" "Oh, there you are." "Come on, let's go." "( Clock ticking... ) ( Brass band plays )" "( Both yelling )" "Good morning." "I just wanted to be the first to wish my favorite conjoined pair a most happy brothers day." "Too bad youse two didn't have enough money to buy gifts totally ruining your holiday." "Well, i did manage to scrape together some funds to surprise cat." "Stop it." "You didn't!" "I did!" "Happy brothers day, cat!" "Huh?" "Oh, no, what a setback." "You know, i wasn't exactly asleep at the wheel, either." "Happy brothers day, dog!" "Hot diggity dog." "Oh, frilly underwear." "Where?" "Oh, this, no." "Well, not exactly." "I mean, well see, i just figured you'd like a mud wrestling uniform, just like the pros." "Ah, what a funny coincidence." "I sold all the mud to buy your gift!" "You did?" "This is great." "And i got you a special protective carrying case for your luffa." "For my... but i sold Mr. luffa to buy your gift." "( Camera whirring )" "Tragedy." "The gift that keeps on giving." "This is great, cat." "'Cause then i sold the luffa carrying case and got you a wrestling uniform, too." "Because, because, you know why?" "I looked up the recipe for mud, and it's really easy to make." "We both gave up our most favorite possessions for each other." "Get off me." "Oh, barf-a-roni." "You guys make me" "( coughs ) Nauseous." "Nauseous?" "We'll show you nauseous." "Hey, dog?" "How about a little tag team wrestling?" "Wrestling!" "No, no." "Let's just keep cool, fellows, huh?" "Hey, take my wallet." "I don't want any trouble." "( Cat screeching;" "Dog barking )" "Winslow:" "No, hey, here's some catdog nip." "Hey, settle down." "Oh, take my credit cards." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Dog:" "Looks like curtains for the little blue guy!" "¶ One fine day with a woof and a purr ¶" "¶ a baby was born and it caused a little stir ¶" "¶ no blue bug and no three-eyed frog ¶" "¶ just a feline, canine ¶" "¶ little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ out on the road or back in town ¶" "¶ all kind of critters putting catdog down ¶" "¶ got to rise above it, got to try to get along ¶" "¶ got to walk together, got to sing this song ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog... ¶ [captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education and nickelodeon ]" "¶ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ¶ [captioned by the caption center wgbh educational foundation]"