"Hello?" "Emily, I'm home." "I think." "I changed all the furniture around." "Yeah, I can tell that." "You hate it." "I won't know whether I hate it until I can see it." "Can I turn the light on?" "Go ahead." "You hate it, right?" "Oh, I wouldn't say I hate it." "It's just... alien to anything I've ever liked before." "Well, I hate it." "Emily, if you hate it and I'm not too crazy about it... why don't we move it back the way it was?" "Because I hate it worse the way it was." "Emily, is there something wrong other than the furniture?" "No, there's nothing wrong, Bob." "That's what I thought." "Okay, let's talk about it." "I hate my life, Bob." "Emily, could you back up and build up to that a little more?" "I've just reached a point in my life where I'm bored... and frustrated and inhibited and I" "I want to grow, I want to expand, I want to change." "I don't know." "I just can't put it into words." "You're doin' a pretty good job." "Well, I don't know why I feel the wayl do." "Emily, I think maybe I know." "The weather." "I mean, after 23 straight days of snow and dark skies and cold..." "I mean, that's got to get anybody down." "It's the weather, Emily." "That's what it is." "No, Bob." "It's not the weather." "Well, if it isn't the weather, maybe it has something to do with me." "Oh, no, Bob." "It's not you." "It's not your fault you leave the house at exactly 8:26 every morning... and come home exactly at 6:20 every night." "That you hang up your coat, you come over here, you sit on the couch... you open the paper to the sports page... you make your drink with three ice cubes- never two, never four." "I mean, it's not your fault that you like dinner exactly at 7:00." "Otherwise, you lose your appetite." "That you watch the news at 10:00 every night." "You go to bed exactly at 11:00, read for 10 minutes till you fall asleep." "I mean, Bob, it's not your fault you're the way you are." "It's my fault that it drives me crazy." "Well, as long as it's not my fault." "Bob, what do you want for dinner?" "Look, Emily, forget about making dinner." "We'll go out to dinner, and we'll go to a movie..." "And we'll stay out, wait past 11:00 and..." "I won't even read after I get into bed." "Thank you, Bob." "But I don't feel like it." "Emily, I've had years of experience... dealing with people who are depressed." "I mean, my doctoral thesis was on depression." "And I know that when a person is in a mood such as you're in... the best thing is to just back off until they're ready to talk about it." "So, when you're ready to talk about it, I'll be sitting here in my easy... fern." "Emily, I'd rather be sitting in my easy chair- my big, brown, suede easy chair." " Where is it?" " In the den, Bob." "Emily, you haven't moved the den, have you?" " Good morning, Carol." " Bob?" "Bob, your coffee's not ready." "Now, you're eight minutes early." "Yeah, I know." "I took an earlier train." " I just decided to change my whole routine." " Oh." "There's a whole different crowd on the earlier train." " A different style of pushing." " Is it still snowing out?" " Just enough to keep the slush level up." " Oh." "I can't believe it, Bob." "Twenty-eight days of this yuckiness." "Do you know on the news this morning the weatherman said..." ""Chicago weather in a word," and then there was a bleep." " Well, I'd better get unbundled." " Good" "Maybe your plaid sports jacket will liven up this place." " My what?" " Your plaid sportsjacket-the one you wear every Friday." "I never realized I wore the same jacket every Friday." "Oh, Bob." "I know what you're gonna wear every day, Bob." "Except for Tuesday." "Now, on Tuesday... you could wear your dark brown suit, or your light brown suit... or even your beige suit." "I really look forward to Tuesday, Bob." "It's freak day for you." "Do you know what, what Jerry's gonna wear every day?" "Oh, no." "Every day is freak day for Jerry." "I think I'll go talk to him." " Hi, Jerry." "You got a minute?" " I got the whole day, Bob." "Seventeen cancellations." "I can't believe it." "You'd think after 28 days of rotten weather like this... people would look forward to a little pain." "Well, good, Jerry, because I think I have a problem." "Uh-oh." "Come here." "Take a look at this, Bob." "See that there?" "There he is, boy." "Mean old Mr. Bacterial Plaque, picking on a defenseless little cuspid." "And you know whose fault it is?" "Mine." "I gotta spend a little less time with the ladies and a little more time with the floss." "Physician, heal thyself." "You know what I mean?" "Yeah, I do." "As a matter of fact, that's why I came in to talk to you." "I sort of have the same problem." "You goin' a little wacky, Bob?" "No, not at all, Jerry." "Uh, Emily's been depressed lately... and, well, a couple days ago, I walked in, I said..." ""Hi, Emily, I'm home," and she burst into tears." "Maybe it was the way you said it, Bob." "I doubt it, Jerry, because I've been saying it... the same way every day for the past four years." "Well, you see, that's it." "You're probably in a rut." "So you have to do something exciting." "Put a little difference into your life." "Why don't you take Emily, skydiving?" "Jerry, Emily's afraid to fly." "I'm sure she's not gonna enjoy plummeting." "Okay, okay, it was just a suggestion, Bob." "I'm merely trying to save your marriage for you." "Jerry, we have a good marriage." "Bob, you gotta put a little spice into your life." "Some zing." "Tell me, do you wear pajamas when you sleep?" " Yes, I do." " What if you didn't?" "Well, it'd be embarrassing if there was a fire, Jerry." "Bob, I think you know what you need to do." "You need to talk to a disinterested third party." "That's kind of why I'm talking to you, Jerry." "I'm not disinterested." "I care too much about you and Emily." "You have to talk to someone who doesn't care, like a marriage counselor." " A marriage counselor?" " Yeah." " Me?" " Yeah." "Are you kidding, Jerry?" "Oh, I get it." "You think because you're a big Ph.D. psychologist... that you're above talking to a marriage counselor." "Look at it this way, Bob." "A doctor does not take out his own tonsils." "A barber does not cut his own hair." "So long." "Emily, I'm home." "Emily, I love it!" "Emily?" "Come in." "Oh, hi, Bob." " Is, Emily back yet?" " I don't think so." " She left me this note, Howard." " Oh, not a note." " I hope it's not one of those notes." " One of what notes, Howard?" "Well, one of those "It's better this way" notes." "The kind that Lois used to leave me when Lois used to leave me." "Howard, all the note says is that Emily's gonna be a little late for dinner." "That's another sign, Bob." "I mean, all the signs are there." "What signs, Howard?" "Well, this morning, I heard Emily moving all the furniture around... and, well, Lois used to move the furniture when she got depressed." "One day she got so depressed, she moved the furniture clear across town... and moved in with it." "Howard, I don't think Emily is that depressed." "Yeah, well, I can't tell when women are depressed anymore." "I'm around stewardesses all the time." "Oh, hi, Howard." "Isn't it a beautiful evening?" "Oh, yeah." "Well, I think I- I think I'd better be going." "I know how you feel." "We can talk later, okay?" " Hi, honey." " Hi, honey." "Where you been?" "Oh, Bob, you'll never in a million years guess where I wound up today." "Guess." " I don't care." " You don't?" "Well, honey, this is the first time you've smiled in two weeks." "Now, wherever you've gone, just keep going there." "Well, Bob, I wound up at the travel bureau, and look." "Two tickets for San Francisco for Saturday morning." "Bob, we're gonna fly." "I mean, I'm gonna fly." "Bob, you know how you've been after me to get over my fear of flying for so long?" "So I just figured the sooner the better." "What do you say?" "Well, I think it's wonderful you got over your fear of flying." "Do you think we could wait a couple weeks before we test it?" " Why?" " Well, it's sort of an emergency." "I had to switch Mr. Peterson's appointment to Saturday." "Well, anything to accommodate Mr. Peterson." "And then Sunday, our tax man is coming." "Well, Bob, can't you cancel him?" "Emily, I can't cancel an appointment I made five months ago." "Oh, Bob, nobody makes appointments five months in advance." "Look, we'll plan the San Francisco trip for sometime next month." "Bob, I don't want to plan it." "I want to do it, and I want to do it now." "You know, Bob, you're really lucky I love you, because if I didn't, I"d" "Well, go with that thought, Emily." "What would you do?" "I'd hit you." "That's what I'd do." "Well, that could be very healthy for you." "Why don't you hit me?" "You won't hurt me." "Go ahead and hit me." "How's that?" "Fine." "And I'm not too big a man to admit when I was wrong." "Easy, Emily." "Easy." "Bob, it doesn't really hurt that much?" "Emily, that's the hardest anyone ever hit me, including Francis Keck." "Francis Keck?" "She was a girl that moved into the neighborhood when I was in the seventh grade." "She came up to me and she said, "Be my boyfriend."" "I said, "Under no circumstances will I be your boyfriend."" "Then she hauled off and slugged me... right in the same spot." "Well, did you hit her back?" "No." "I went with her for three years." "That was, 25 years ago... and the pain was just starting to go away, and then you hit me there." "Well, now, really, Bob, you know you asked for it." "Well, Emily, it's worth it if you feel better." "I mean, it's not good to bottle up frustration." "Bob, don't talk to me like I'm one of your patients." "Besides, it didn't solve anything." "I don't feel any better." "I mean, I bought those tickets for us to fly somewhere because I felt we had to do something." "Emily, I want to do something." "I just" " I just can't do it this weekend." " You already said that, Bob." " So just forget it." " But, Emily, I know you're unhappy." " I was talking to Jerry at the office." " What?" "You were talking to Jerry about our personal problems?" "Why?" "Well, because sometimes Jerry gives you good advice." "I mean, you talk to Marilyn about our personal problems." "Yeah, but I always tell her it's about, you know, those friends of ours." "Uh, listen, Bob." "I mean, not that I care, but what did Jerry say?" " He said we should jump out of a plane together." " Oh." "What did Marilyn say about those friends of ours?" "Oh, she thought the wife should have an affair." "I like Jerry's advice better." "Well, Marilyn did suggest one thing that made sense." " She said we should see a marriage counselor." " Jerry said the same thing." "He did?" "Really." "Maybe they're right." "Maybe we should see a marriage counselor." " No." " That's it?" "Just "No"?" "I mean, not "Let's talk about it" or "Maybe"?" "Just plain, unadulterated, stubborn, one-sided "No"?" "Look, Emily, I'm a psychologist." "I deal in marriage counseling in my work." "I mean, we're adult, mature people." "We should know how to deal with our problems in an adult, mature way." "Well, I would like to hear your adult, mature reason for not seeing a marriage counselor." "I don't feel like it." "Bob, you're being childish." " I am not." " You are too." " Am not." " You are too." " Am not." " Are too." " Am not." " Are too." "Emily, I thought you were gonna pick somebody impartial." "I don't even know this marriage counselor." "Well, that's the whole point, Bob." "What was wrong with Wayne Averil?" "Oh, well, I hardly think he's impartial." "Emily, I'm sure he's forgotten about the fact that I saved his life in Korea." "Well, Bob, Dr. Webster doesn't know either of us, so it'll work out fine." "Well, you must be the Hartleys." "And you must be Emily." "Yes, that's right, Dr. Webster." "Well, I'll be with you in just one moment." "I just have to straighten up a little bit." "Emily, I thought you were supposed to find somebody neutral." " I did." " She's a woman!" "That's right, Bob." "I said neutral, not neuter." "Won't you come in, please?" "Oh, what a lovely office." "Well, Thank you, Emily." "Do you like it, Dr. Hartley?" "Yes, it's very, very homey." "My mother had drapes like that." "Well, since most of the problems I deal with are home-oriented..." "I find this domestic atmosphere extremely helpful to my patients." "Please, sit down." "Incidentally, Dr. Hartley, I'm very flattered that you chose me to come to." "I've been familiar with your work for years." " Oh, really?" " Yes." "I particularly remember a paper you wrote on group ego some time ago." "Yes, that was some time ago." "I've changed a lot of my views since then." "I hope so." "Uh, Dr. Webster, do you think we could get started?" "You see, we're both here on our lunch hour." "Oh, yes." "Of course." "Please, forgive this cold." "I probably would have canceled... but I don't like to do that when I know a marriage is in jeopardy." "I, really don't think our marriage is in jeopardy." "Well, whether it is or is not, forgive the cold." "Now, which one of us would like to start first?" "I think Emily would like to start first." "Oh." "All right." "Well, I think the problem is that..." "I"m very outgoing, you know... and I like things to be spontaneous... where as Bob tends to be more, methodical." "Yeah, I think, Dr. Webster, what Emily means" "I think she said what she means rather well." "Look, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to last." "So why don't we just launch into a little role reversal." "That way, I won't have to talk so much." "Uh, Dr. Webster, what's role reversal?" "Uh, it's.." "Dr. Hartley, why don't you explain it to her." "All right." "That's where I'm you and you're me... and we act out some situation." "Well, that's pretty close." "Oh, good." "Could I be Bob coming home from work?" "Oh, perfect." "Now, you just come right through that door." "And, please, feel free to use anything in this office you'd like to as a prop... except this Kleenex." "Dr. Webster, I..." "I'm not sure that role reversal is the answer to our particular" "Fine." "Now, you be Emily, and you be Bob." "Now, Emily, where will you be when Bob comes in?" "I'll be on the... on the sofa, putting up my hair." " Emily, I'm home." " Oh, I know that, sweetheart." "Right on the dot... as always." "Most wives have to worry about their husbands stopping off at a bar or something, but..." "I know you'll always come straight home... and sit in your couch and read your newspaper... so I can reach you anytime I need you." "And, you know, you're always there to listen to me, Bob." "Even though you're reading or watching television... you're never too busy to answer me." "I guess it's no wonder I'm so crazy about you, Bob." "I never said anything like that in my entire life." "Excuse me, Dr. Hartley... but as one professional to another, I think you're stacking the deck." "Now, why don't we start all over." "I'm sorry, Emily." "Emily, I'm home." "Oh, hi, honey." "I had nothing to do all day, so I rearranged the furniture." "Emily, from the bottom of my heart, I hate it." "I think it looks terrible." "Where's my newspaper and my drink with the three ice cubes?" "Dr. Webster, I don't think this is gonna work." "It will work, Dr. Hartley." "We just have to give it a chance." "Now, either you do it right, or you don't do it at all." " Okay." " Now, why don't you go out this time." "Good idea." "He's not coming back, you know." "Bob, what are you doing here?" "It's nowhere near 6:20." "I know." "I, I've been here all afternoon." "I just-I couldn't go back to work." "Well, I should have come home too." "I couldn't work either." "I showed my class three hours of personal hygiene films:" "Clean Hands, Clean Faces and Clean Legs." "I just sat there in the dark, watching little kids scrub their kneecaps... wondering why all this is happening to us and wishing it wasn't." "Yeah, I felt the same way until I, I thought of something." "I don't know." "It may not be the answer, but I think we have to try it." "What are you talking about?" " Oh, Bob, that's not the answer." " I think it is, Emily." " Well, where will you go?" " Where will we go-you and me." " Where?" " Out to dinner." " With two suitcases?" " Well, to dinner in New Orleans." " New Orleans?" " Yeah, Emily, it's just, it's an impulse." "Just a wild impulse." "I've taken care of everything." "We're gonna have shrimp Creole at Antoine's." "Then we're gonna go to Basin Street and listen to Dixieland." "And then, we'll go to the bayou." "Son of a gun." "We're gonna have big fun, Emily." "Bob, I can't go." "I have school tomorrow." "No, you don't." "I called up your principal." "You called Mr. Brimskill?" "What did he say?" "He said, pneumonia was not to be taken lightly." "You should get plenty of rest, and he'll see you on Monday." "Bob, what about your patients?" "I'm giving double sessions all next week." "Come on." "We got a plane to catch." "A what?" "Emily, two weeks ago, you were ready to fly to San Francisco." "What happened?" "That was two weeks ago." "I was desperate." "I would have tried anything." "But now I got my feet on the ground, Bob." "I want to keep them there." "Well, Emily, this wasn't easy for me." "But I did it because maybe we have gotten into a rut... and maybe some of it is my fault." "And, because our marriage is very important to me... and I care about it more than anything... and, because I love you." "Oh, Bob, I love you too." "And this is really important, Bob... but, you know, planning the trip is even more important than taking it... especially on a plane." "And in this weather, Bob-I mean, I absolutely refuse to fly in this terrible weather." "Emily, the sun is shining." "Oh, no." " Are you ready?" " Bob, I haven't even packed." " I packed everything for you." " Well, what if you forgot something?" "Whatever you forgot, we'll buy down there." " Bob, what hotel are we staying in?" " What difference does it make?" "Gee, you know, Bob, all of a sudden, you're so strong and impulsive." " You're damn right, Emily." " I think I liked you better the other way." "Emily, I'm home." "Of course you are, sweetheart." "Right on time, just like always." "Other wives have to worry about their husbands stopping off at bars." "But not me, Bob." "You come right home." "You sit on the couch where I can always find you" "And you're never too busy for me." "Even if you're reading or watching TV, you can always answer me." "I guess that's why I'm so crazy about you, Bob."