"You may begin at any time." "We are ready whenever you are." "I'm sorry." "But if you're not prepared, perhaps... for the love of God!" "Young man, do you realize where you are?" "Hi, mom." "Good afternoon, sleepy head." "Are you ready for your big test?" "It's just a midterm." "It's nothing to get stressed about." "Just a midterm?" "It's a milestone." "Did you study?" "Yeah, all night." "But, I mean, it's a hard class." "And the TA is a hard grader." "T and A?" "TA, teaching assistant." "She grades exams and helps Professor Stevens, and stuff like that." "I'm sorry." "I'm not as lucky as you, Cooper Scooper." "I never got a chance to learn all those fancy college terms." "I know." "I'm sorry." "Hey, did you get my I love you present?" "What I love you present?" "The scrumptious kind, to help you kick butt on those exams." "Thanks, mom." "I'm sure you'll do great." "I'm so proud of you." "OK, I love you." "Bye." "Nate, did you see, like, a package my mom sent?" "just like this one." "Well, are those the cookies my mom sent me?" "No, these are the countries that your mom sent the both of us." "Really?" "Yeah, totally." "It's funny, because the note is only written to me." "What?" "Well, postal service must have lost mine again." "You know, this is getting ridiculous." "I'm sorry, she calls you Cooper Scoo..." "Whoa." "Seriously, Lubo?" "To our wonderful son, Cooper Scooper." "We're so proud that you're off the college on a full scholarship." "Here's something yummy for your tummy." "Hey, Lubo, you seen the remote?" "I was looking for it last night." "Cookies." "Yo, MM's." "Whoa, we have MM's?" "Yeah, here." "Bam." "Nate, did you study for the midterm?" "Yeah, I studied with Mandy last night." "She actually just left." "That was Jessica." "I saw her leaving." "Really?" "The one with the blue eyes and the nice personally?" "Yes." "She's not even in our class." "Whatever, dude." "I'm going to be just fine." "You're the one we should be worried about." "He spends every class either drooling all over his desk, or reaching under it to adjust his crotchsicle." "I do not drool." "Crotchsicle, is that a thing?" "OK, Lubo." "We gotta go take this exam." "Yeah, it's for this cool new thing called class." "You should check out some time." "It's way too nice outside for that." "Fell free to take Destiny." "She'll get you there quicker." "We don't ride two dudes to a scooter." "But thanks." "Peace." "Bye Lubo." "Bye." "It's only gay if you do it twice." "Dani, you know I'd love to, but..." "Fine." "Well, I'm sure I can find something that will entice you to come visit, like, I don't know." "Maybe one of the new outfits I got." "Let's see." "What do I-." "My new pushup bra." "I like it." "Provocative." "Or by far the most exciting thing in my entire room," "Jackie." "Boring." "I want the bra back." "Hi, Michael." "Jackie and that girl across the hall are having this competition to see who can spend the most time alone in their room." "My money is on Jackie." "I heard that." "I'm sure." "You ready?" "Yeah." "We have a midterm." "I gotta go, baby." "OK." "Good luck on the exam, guys." "Bye, Dani." "Thank you." "OK, did you pull another all nighter, Jackie?" "It is just a midterm." "OK, I was up all night." "But it was not because I was stressing out about the midterm." "Really?" "No." "I was writing my essay for the Kingston competition." "It was a very productive night." "Yeah,." "You know what?" "It wouldn't kill you every now and then to like," "I mean, you know, leave the room, maybe, like, meet some new people." "What's the big rush?" "No rush." "You're going to say hi to him today, aren't you?" "Well, I hope for your sake she never actually says hi to you." "You'll probably start crying, or something." "I would not start crying because of a hot girl said hi to me." "That happened once." "And I had allergy." "You know, we're doing a study down at the psych lab on female induced weeping." "Very common problem among men your age." "Thanks, Nate." "What?" "Nothing to be ashamed about." "But Coop, Coop, Coop, come on." "You've got to get this under control, bro." "OK, you're right." "I'm just not going to think about her at all for the rest of the day." "Good job, man." "But those glasses." "God." "Go away." "I am not doing that." "Fine, Jackie." "You don't have to do the sexy eyes." "But the only way he's ever going to get to know how smart you are is if you go up and introduce yourself." "Wait." "I don't know how to approach him." "He's so intimidating." "I think it's that wise, knowing stare of his." "You just stare at her." "It's like you're having some sort of wet daydream, or something." "Is that even physically possible?" "Yeah, Lubo has them all the time." "All right, look, Cooper, listen to me, all right?" "You can beat this." "Now just close your eyes, and visualize." "You're going to walk in there and see her." "And this time, your tongue is going to remain in your mouth." "You think you're ready?" "Yeah." "Let's do this." "Yes, preparing for the midterm." "Good." "You know it, Professor Stevens." "Professor Stevens, hi." "I don't mean to bother you." "My name is Jackie Pearson." "I was hoping that after the exam today you could take a look..." "All right, bro." "There she is." "Stay relaxed." "All right everybody." "The exam is about to start." "So if you could just take your seats." "Cooper, let's go." "Cooper Scooper?" "Come on." "Hi, Cooper." "You can take your seat now." "Hello, Bianca." "Hello, Professor S." "You know what to do." "I do, thank you." "Goodbye." "OK." "Your grade on this midterm will determine half of your..." "There's something in my eye... allergies." "If you have any questions, I will be at the front of the classroom." "Your time starts now." "What to say everyday when she looks at me with a question in class, but I'm staring at her... face?" "And I guess she'll never see that when my eyes look at hers there's a thought that occurs." "And it's taking control over me." "I want to bone my TA." "I want bang her up against the wall." "I want to bone my TA." "Beauty and brains, baby, she's got it all." "I'll have her once against the chalkboard, and again on her desk." "We'll round base two and base three simultaneously, as I'm thinking what's going to be next." "I want to bone my TA." "I want to bang her up against the wall." "I want to bone my TA." "Beauty and brains, baby, she's got it all." "Cooper, Cooper." "Cooper Matthews, time is up." "I'm going to need your exam." "This, these aren't real..." "I even read the answer to number seven aloud to the entire class." "You know what, let's try this again." "How are imagery and symbolism used in Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner?" "Simultaneously?" "Pretty smooth line, Coop." "I wish I could go back and change my answer to simultaneously." "That test was worth half my grade." "And I failed." "Yes, Mr. Matthews." "Bianca just showed me your exam." "You'll need to come by my office this afternoon." "Yeah, sure." "The irony is that out of the whole class, you're the one probably in least need of extra credit." "Better safe than sorry." "And I figured I'd write the essay anyway, since I wasn't sure how I was doing in the course." "Not sure?" "But your work is extraordinary." "Before long, I'll be asking you to edit my papers." "OK." "Let me just check my schedule." "I was speaking into jest." "Sorry." "I'm a little off today." "I've been under a lot of pressure trying to get ready for something big." "I'm entering a writing competition, where I'll be asked to read an essay in front of a panel of judges." "It's such a prestigious competition, and winning could really jump start my writing career." "Why didn't you tell me the good news earlier?" "Jackie Pearson is entering the Kingston competition." "You know, in 18 years at this school," "I've taught only one Kingston champ." "Hi, Professor S. I'm here." "And there she is." "I didn't know you were with someone." "Jacqueline, you know Bianca, I think, my talented teaching assistant." "New hotshot freshman." "You can call her that, I suppose." "In fact, she'll be joining you in this year's competition." "You're entering too?" "Well, yes." "I've won for the past three years in a row." "And wouldn't want to miss out on the big one." "If all goes as planned, I'll be the first four-time winner in competition history." "So yes, I can relate, is what I'm saying." "To early success, that is." "Were you nervous your first year, too?" "Amateur writers always find competition intimidating." "OK." "Mr. Matthews, how good of you to join us." "I've been noticing that you're struggling in class." "In fact, you seemed awfully stiff this morning." "Yeah." "No." "Totally." "Everything's fine." "I'm afraid it isn't." "After your performance in the midterm you're failing my class." "I'll be fine." "I just was having a bad..." "Students on scholarship are expected to maintain high marks." "In fact, if this semester were to end today, you would be stripped of your scholarship." "Stripped." "Yes, stripped." "And the curious thing is that while your written work is perfectly fine, your in class performance is, how shall I say, abysmal." "You are clearly distracted in class." "And I think I know what's causing it." "You do?" "Other people." "So it seems to me the only solution is one on one tutoring with Bianca." "Here's the form." "Sorry." "After I left I forgot that I didn't turn in my extra credit essay." "Professor I'm sorry." "But I just don't have any more time this semester for tutoring." "I have my Kingston essay to write." "But Bianca, part of your job is to help those who are struggling the most." "I could do it, professor." "Great idea." "It's a rare treat to be teaching a student who is eager as you." "You have the form, Cooper." "Let me remind you that you'll have to do extremely well in my course from now on just to pass it." "Otherwise you'll lose your scholarship." "Hey, thanks for helping out in there." "Don't worry about it." "Besides, Bianca is clearly way too busy saving the world." "I know." "Sh must be an amazing writer." "She won that big essay competition like three times." "Yep." "That's why she's professor's go to girl." "And yet she still has time to mentor patients at the psych lab." "Yeah, she's essentially Ms. Perfect." "And you're going to have to be Mr. Perfect from now on to pass this class, OK?" "Can you write that essay by Friday?" "Maybe." "Well, if you do, I'm free then." "And we can have our first tutoring session." "I'll go over it with you." "Well, I'll try to write it by Friday." "All right." "I have to go to the library." "Good luck." "Bye." "A scholarship on the line, and a mom I have to call." "How did I end up in this bind, with my back against the wall." "She's won three times before." "It's just my freshman year." "Who do I think I am?" "What am I doing here?" "If it weren't for this," "I'd never be failing out of this place." "If it weren't for this," "I'd never feel so second rate." "If it weren't for this," "I'd never need a tutor at all." "If it weren't for this, I wouldn't feel so small." "Excuse me." "Hi, this is..." "yeah, that's my room." "So-." "Hey, Coop." "I can't get in." "Where have you been all night?" "Working on my extra credit essay." "Nate, what am I going to tell my parents?" "Tell them that you lost your scholarship because you couldn't stop dry humping your desk." "Nate." "Come on." "We'll figure something out." "Now, there are a million hot girls at this school." "So what is it about this one that makes your ruler turn into a yardstick" "Whatever." "You don't understand." "Coop, there's a really obvious solution here, buddy." "Tell him Lubes." "You gotta bone Bianca." "Boom." "What?" "Believe me." "I would love to do that." "But this is real life we're talking about." "How is that supposed to help my grade?" "Sextracredit." "No, think about it, Coop." "If you weren't so distracted by Bianca, how would you have done on that test today?" "I don't know." "Bianca doesn't even notice me." "It's like I'm invisible." "Coop, you need to grow some balls." "I have balls." "Well, then you need to grow some more." "Yeah, like a bunch." "OK, right." "All I have to do is grow a bunch of balls, and bang her once." "And she's out of my head forever." "Yep." "Yes." "That's about right." "Bianca's not going away anytime soon." "It's just going to get worse, man." "I can see it now." "Clear as day." "probably going to flunk the final." "Yeah, I can picture the F already." "Well, that's if he makes it to the end of the semester." "OK." "You know what?" "Fine." "Fine." "If hooking up with Bianca is what" "I have to do to pass the class, then that's what I'm going to do." "going to bone his TA." "Yeah, well, we've got some work to do, first." "All right, out of the way, you two." "Chop chop." "Come on." "Find another door." "Nate." "They were just getting to the good part." "You're a creep, Lubo." "I am a true love connoisseur." "You know, besides that guy's shirt in my face, they were kind of a cute couple." "Balls, Cooper." "Balls." "What?" "They were cute." "To them, nobody else matters." "Everyone wants that someday." "Sure." "I'm just waiting for the right pair of smoking hot twins, or maybe triplets." "Why settle, right?" "Coopsky, your idea of romance is adorable." "And Nate, I got your twins right here, maybe triplets." "What you looking for?" "Sometimes they come back." "Get some sleep Coop." "Operation TA Bone launches tomorrow." "Night, Coop." "Night, Lubo." "Night, Nate." "Night, Lube." "Good night, moon." "What do you think?" "I know it's a little..." "Well, it's a good enough start." "Certainly needs a lot of editing, though." "Screw her." "I think it's great." "Danielle, should I even bother entering the Kingston?" "If this sucked, trust me." "I would be the first to tell you." "But it doesn't." "It rocks." "Hard." "OK?" "Thanks, Danielle." "You know, it's based on something I wrote in here." "And you actually let me read it?" "Does that mean that I'm finally going to get..." "No." "OK, fine." "So are you going to enter the Kingston, or what?" "Sure." "Great!" "OK, now, on to more important things." "There are hot, available guys everywhere, Jackie." "It's time you started looking." "OK, let's just take a look." "OK, check him out." "He is so, well, buff." "No?" "OK." "What about him?" "He's a total rebel." "He doesn't play by anybody's rules." "My God, and him." "He's just, well he's just straight out of a GQ centerfold." "Are you excited for me, or just excited?" "It must be a side effect of a long distance relationship." "Jackie, I haven't seen Michael in like a month." "And I don't think he's going to visit any time soon." "So can you please just do me a favor." "Let me hear about some hot dates, OK?" "I need this." "I think I'm just not as boy crazy as you are." "Do you think anyone is cute?" "Or is this a lost cause?" "He's kind of cute." "You like them tall?" "I actually meant him." "Cooper?" "Well, I always thought he was kind of shy." "But, OK." "Great." "Dude, quit gawking at her." "Hello?" "Earth to Cooper." "What?" "Hi." "Sorry." "I got distracted again." "You are so going to lose that scholarship, man." "OK, well, what am I supposed to do?" "I can't just walk up and bone her." "No you can't." "But you don't have to sit there helplessly either." "Why are you getting up?" "Listen, Cooper." "You got to tear your eyes away." "Because you got a lot of work to do before you can bone your TA." "If you're really going to pas the class, then you're going to have make a change." "It's time to start from scratch." "You got a girl to catch." "And I know you're going to think it's strange." "But before you can get her, you got to learn to walk, then run." "You gotta get your confidence up, or your plan will surely come undone." "Just think baby steps, an don't worry about being shy." "When there's a mountain to climb, you take a step at a time." "Which means you've got to start with a guy." "What?" "Check him out." "Where you going with this?" "What do you think of him?" "I don't know." "He scares me." "All right." "Fair enough." "How about that guy?" "Kind of unwashed." "That guy?" "God, he looks like something straight out of a GQ centerfold." "OK, well, you wouldn't care if any of them rejected you, would you?" "No." "Exactly." "It's funny, Cooper, how simple interaction becomes more complicated with sexual attraction." "So starting today, right now, we're going to wipe the slate clean." "You're going to talk to guys." "And by and by you're going to see just what I mean." "Because you're not afraid they'll reject you." "So you can play it cool and fast." "Chit chatting with your brand new friends, until your social nerves have passed." "Then with new-found confidence it's time to put yourself in the mix." "Get ready to close, move past the bros, so you can head straight toward the chicks." "Now go get 'em, Cooper Scooper." "Hi." "I'm Cooper." "So." "What do you want." "I like your folder." "Are you serious?" "I think it's nice." "I mean, it is kind of my favorite folder." "You have great taste." "Why haven't we met?" "Are you seeing this?" "I guess he's not so shy after all." "So he came back to find that his car had been sucked into the swamp." "And nobody had the heart to tell him he wasn't actually in Cleveland." "Awesome, man." "You are awesome." "That is so awesome." "Well I say they loved you." "That wasn't bad at all." "I really think I can do this, Nate." "Now you're standing tall." "Just get used to this feeling, Coop, and you'll be boning soon for sure." "It's going to take me far." "You're like a shooting star." "Driving the fastest car." "Holding a fat cigar." "On my way to a bar." "Where all the hotties are." "Soon I'll be ready to talk with her." "Cooper, what are you doing out of your seat?" "I froze again." "Yeah, but you were great with the guys." "We're not done yet." "Next step is to find a girl you're already comfortable with, and do the exact same thing... somebody who can be a stepping stone to hotter, more intimidating girls." "Michael, it looks like I am out 10 bucks." "Why?" "Don't eavesdrop." "OK, fine." "We just had this bet that you were asexual." "Nice apparatus." "Wait, what side were you on?" "Hey, Jackie." "Hi, Cooper." "Hi, are we still on for tutoring tomorrow?" "Yeah, looking forward to it." "Bingo." "What?" "That's your stepping stone girl." "I mean, you're clearly comfortable with her." "So once you get with her, we can move on to the third and final act..." "Bianca." "Keep eating whatever it is they feed you boys." "Someone's doing something right around here." "Looks like Little Miss Bookworm's back again." "Hi, Maxine." "But Miss Bookworm found herself a piece of man meat." "No, that's my friend Cooper." "We're just going to work on some essays together." "About time you found yourself a man." "I was getting sad, watching you spend all your nights alone." "How often do you come here?" "I was being hypothetical." "OK, well, hypothetically, what if you took this entire paragraph, and stripped it down to one sentence." "One idea, no fluffy stuff." "Sorry, fluffy stuff." "What are you working on?" "Just some ideas for that essay contest." "The Kingston." "Why did Bianca say this year was the big one?" "Well, there's just a lot more on the line now that David Miller is judging." "He's judging?" "Wow." "I know." "He's been my favorite author since I was, like, six." "Wait, you've been reading novel since you were six?" "Shut up." "So what do you get if you win?" "Well, I won't win." "But the winner gets a book deal." "Wow." "Yeah, with the biggest publishing company in North America." "Second place?" "A pat on the back." "No pressure there." "OK, OK, now you're actually saying something." "See, you are a good writer." "I don't understand why you're failing out of this class." "I have trouble on the tests." "The tests are like the easiest part of the class." "Questions like, where did Romeo and Juliet take place?" "And you wrote, up against the wall." "I have test taking anxiety." "OK, for number five you just drew a picture of... of what?" "What is that?" "That is base two, base three." "I'm a big baseball fan." "Number 14, another picture." "That's it's just a sketch of... wow." "I got it wrong." "Awesome." "Amazing depth of field." "Hey, can I ask you something?" "Sure." "What was up with you in class yesterday?" "You seemed to know everyone." "I, well, I like to let loose sometimes." "You know?" "Really?" "What do you mean?" "I mean that I party, and things like that." "I, I party." "Really?" "Yeah, of course." "I'm sorry." "I just, I don't see it." "What do you mean, you don't see it?" "No, as a matter of fact, Danielle and I are going to party tonight." "You should come." "It would suck not to have legs." "What are you all smiles about?" "I have a date to a party tonight." "I think this stepping stone girl thing is working out." "With Jackie?" "She parties?" "I guess so." "Well, what did I tell you?" "Keep taking my advice, man." "Hey, and to top it all off I scheduled a meeting with Bianca." "I told her I had a question about class." "But really I'm just going to spend the whole time talking up what a great guy you are." "Yeah, man." "You're going to bone your TA." "I am going to bone might T... hey." "Look, there she is." "Wait a second." "Who's that guy with her?" "Just a friend?" "Best friends?" "Friends who rub noses together?" "Nose rubbing friends?" "Is that... that's a thing." "All right." "This is no good." "Lubo, go find out everything you can about this guy." "Use your creeping skills." "Now go." "Go." "Out of my way." "Of course she would have a boyfriend." "I need to go to my thinking place." "OK, What always gets in the way of hot girls?" "Do we have to do this here?" "Just answer." "I don't know." "Homework?" "No, it's boyfriends." "And what do we do with boyfriends?" "We wait until they break up with their girlfriends?" "No, no, no, no." "Not this time." "This time we break them up." "And what breaks up boyfriends?" "Bad breath." "Other hot girls." "All right, listen up, Coop." "A hot girl walks up to you." "You're minding your own business." "She says something real seductive, like, you're a naughty boy." "I mean, would you cheat?" "I would." "He will, too." "That's why they call it sabotage." "All right,." "We get a hot girl who knows how to flirt, with tight jeans and a low cut shirt." "She'll say something like, let's go to your room." "That seems kind of, I don't know, wrong." "That's why they call it sabotage." "We're going to find a party, and get all of our friends to go." "When Cooper sees you there, he won't say no." "He won't say no." "All right." "Even if this could work, where are we actually going to find the girl to be all sexual with a complete stranger." "I don't know." "She'd have to be hot, sexually repressed, and definitely horny." "You thinking what I'm thinking?" "Probably not." "I got the perfect girl we could ask, sits next to Jackie in our English class." "You mean that girl with the cute little..." "Yeah." "Apparatus." "Sure." "But come on." "You know Danielle will be perfect." "She'll probably be at the party." "This could actually work." "Well, that's the spirit." "That's why they call it sabotage." "You're a closet hottie." "And now it's time to come out of the dark." "And once Cooper's near, you'll win his heart." "You'll win his heart." "Here you go." "Thanks." "Hello." "Hello." "I see they call you Crystal." "I'm going to need some information and a latte." "Hey, Danielle is calling me." "Danielle Danielle?" "Yeah, Danielle Danielle." "Hey, Danielle Danielle." "Hey, so Jackie and I are headed to this super cool, super secret party tonight." "You and Cooper want to walk us over, say 10 o'clock?" "We'll be there." "Danielle will be at the party." "Did they say they would go?" "Dude, that's great." "Hey, Jackie, you've got this, you know." "This could be my chance tonight." "Dude, take a breath." "Yeah." "Wahoo!" "God, this is getting ridiculous." "Whoa." "Yeah." "I don't know why I help you." "Yeah." "Nate!" "All right." "She's over there talking to the scary guy from class." "The one with the cool folder?" "Sure, whatever." "All right, look, remember the plan." "We have a friend who has been admiring her from afar." "He thinks she's really cute." "He's just a little shy." "Chicks love that stuff." "Wait, Lube, Lube, come here." "What if she can detect creepiness." "That's good thinking." "Hey, Danielle." "Looking forward to this super secret party." "Yeah." "You guys bring your iPods?" "Yeah, totally." "Someone works out." "We are just waiting on Jackie." "She's trying on a cute new outfit." "Cool." "Actually, until she gets here, could we talk to you for second?" "Yeah, sure." "So, we have this friend who really likes you." "Really great guy, too." "One of our best friends." "Yeah, he's always telling us how pretty he thinks you are, and how he wants to get to know you." "Yeah, personally." "That is so sweet." "Is he cute?" "You should see him." "Like six two." "Six four, basically." "Yeah, cool hair." "Cool... jacket." "He sounds nice." "Trust me." "He is nice." "He and I go to the gym all time, work out together." "And he always benches way more than I can." "buff, and ripped, and stuff." "But not once has he put me down for it." "No, super nice dude." "Could he bench me?" "Hey." "Hi." "All right." "She's ready." "Let's roll out." "Shall we?" "So you didn't come back the other night?" "OK, so your friend's jacket, does it kind of like flare out?" "Yeah, totally." "So he's been terrified of swamps ever since." "And he's still convinced it was all in Cleveland." "He's not weird, or anything?" "No, we're tight." "You're sure he has cool hair?" "Everywhere." "OK, to be completely honest, I'm not much of a partier." "I don't party much either, or at all, really." "I knew it." "No you didn't." "All right." "I'll do it." "All right." "Cool." "Well, hit me at the coffee shop tomorrow at 3:00." "Sure he's going to be there, right?" "Girl at the coffee shops says he's there every afternoon, seven days a week." "Excellent." "I'm going to keep an eye on him." "Stalk away creepo." "I will." "All right, people." "Are you ready?" "Cue up your music, and one, two, three, dance." "Whenever you're ready." "I'm trying." "One sec." "Excuse me." "Hi." "Yes, there appear to be some students throwing an unauthorized dance party in the courtyard." "And since you're officially on the clock and all," "I thought maybe you'd want to do more than just sit there." "I'll deal with this." "What happened?" "I forgot to charge it." "That's OK." "You should keep dancing." "I should be headed home anyway." "Wait." "I've got an idea." "Just what do you people think you're doing?" "Because it looks like you're attempting to throw an unauthorized dance party." "And do you understand why that is such a big problem?" "Because not a single one of you can dance." "I think this is going to end in a dance off." "Why does this always happen to me?" "Well, I would say we are officially party animals now." "Definitely." "Hey, do you want to get out of here?" "Yeah." "Good job, man, all right." "Now just remember, one step at a time, all right." "I'll meet you tomorrow to debrief before Bianca, OK?" "Go, go go." "Stepping stone girls." "He's going to bone his TA." "What did you just say?" "I said he's going to..." "I said why haven't we met?" "So where do you want to go?" "You were the one who wanted to leave." "You tell me." "Well, how about some place cool." "Such as?" "I didn't actually have anywhere in mind." "Just some place less crowded." "I know a place." "Follow me." "Aren't we a little dolled up for the library, Miss Bookworm?" "OK, maybe I should have picked the place." "Maxine, you remember Cooper." "You think I'd forget something so fine." "I have eyes." "I just wish those baggy pants weren't blocking my view." "Maxine." "Come on." "I was just messing with the boy." "Don't stay here too long." "You'll end up like her." "Wouldn't be such a bad thing." "We won't be long." "Hey." "OK, what, so you just know everybody in the library?" "My God, you don't sleep here do you?" "Of course not." "They won't let me." "You keep your stuff at the library?" "I just figure what's the point of carrying it all back and forth, you know?" "And as the music enveloped them, the room knew only of their mirrored embrace." "That is a cool line." "OK, that's classified." "OK, are you ever going to let me read anything of yours?" "Sure." "Nah." "Is there a problem?" "You're going to get up and read in front of the entire Kingston audience..." "David Miller, the judges." "I can't even have a sneak peak?" "OK, this is not Kingston material." "It's my own personal writing for my eyes only." "I don't know what you're so worried about." "I've just..." "I've never really let anyone read from my notebook before." "If it were me I'd just be scared of reading it in front of all those people." "What people?" "At the Kingston." "The audience, the judges." "I mean, you're obviously a great writer." "But don't they scare you?" "I'll just down picture them in their underwear." "I'll be fine." "I want to show you something." "Jackie, where..." "OK,." "Where are we going." "Sorry." "Wow." "How did you know we could get up here?" "Well, the night before midterms I just couldn't stand to study anymore." "So I started roaming around." "And I found this." "Makes you realize you're not alone, being up here." "Hey, look." "Go for it." "Yeah." "Ouch." "What are you thinking about?" "All right." "Hypothetically." "My specialty." "Let's say you were going to write an essay." "Voluntarily?" "Would you rather it's something extraordinary that no one ever reads..." "Or?" "Something ordinary that everybody in the whole world reads." "Well, I guess I'd rather write something extraordinary." "But no one would ever know." "I would." "It's tough, that's all." "People read your stuff all the time." "You're a great writer." "People read my work for class." "That's not me." "Show them what you showed me." "I don't know." "Sometimes hoping..." "sometimes it's just better to believe that you can be extraordinary than to discover that you aren't that special, you aren't that unique, that you're just another scared kid pretending to have it all figured out." "Think of everywhere that you'll go, and everyone who will know you." "Who is it they'll say hello to?" "Is that you or some disguise?" "Think of everyone that you'll meet." "Take an entire lifetime." "Who is it that you think you'll find to let behind those walls." "What a shame, living guarded." "It's like half your life is discarded." "Aren't you scared we won't get that back?" "It isn't that easy." "Well, OK." "What if you could write something extraordinary, and everyone would know about it?" "Think of all the things that you'll do, and take everything still unwritten." "Is that what you'd give them to show who you are?" "Look at everything that you see, from here and to the horizon." "What would we lay our eyes on if nobody took charge?" "What a shame living guarded." "It's like half your life's discarded." "And aren't you scared that we won't get that back?" "When we look back, five years from now, will we think of what we did or what we left out?" "Because I don't want to be looking backwards for the rest of my life." "I want to know I made the most of each night." "What a shame, living guarded." "It's like half your life is discarded." "And I'm scared that we won't get that back." "Because I know we won't get that back." "Where have you been all night?" "I was in the library, believe it or not." "Jackie, we talked about this." "OK, you can't spend all of your time in the library." "No, no." "It's not what you think." "So you finally succumbed to your feelings for Maxine." "What?" "No." "I was with Jackie." "You were with him all night?" "You have to tell me everything as soon as I get back." "Where are you going?" "Coffee with Nate's friend." "And what does your boyfriend Michael have to say about all this?" "He's not here right now." "But he said something about meeting with your TA." "That's right." "You know Nate." "I'm sure he'll put in a good word for you." "He's Cooper's friend, too." "And, you know, I'm just going to say hi, chat a little bit." "Maybe put in a good word for you." "Danielle, I know how you get." "You haven't seen Michael in a really long time." "But you have to try to contain yourself." "Or they're going to think you're a total slut." "Yeah." "Guys hate that." "Lubo, calm down." "I kind of wish Nate weren't doing this anymore." "So, first time in office hours this semester." "To what do I owe this great pleasure?" "Well, a poem we read in class today was just so moving." "I had to come in and tell you how moved I was." "I just, I feel all these feelings, you know?" "I just wanted to go out and live life to the fullest." "That poem was just so inspiring." ""The Raven," by Edgar Allan Poe?" "Yeah." "It just touched on so many themes of life, and love, and, you know, emotion." "Did it, now?" "Yeah." "The emotion of friendship, the kind of friendship you can only have with your best friend in the whole world." "And speaking of best friends, Cooper Matthews, wow." "What a great guy?" "Yeah, well he's not such a great student, though." "He's come so far, though." "I read his stuff now, and I'm like, whoa." "Well, sound scintillating." "And as much as I love chatting with you about absolutely nothing, I have an appointment soon at the psych department." "I didn't know you were a crazy person." "What do you, hear voices, see dead people, anything cool like that?" "I'm not a patient." "I'm a volunteer." "Well, you know who else loves to volunteer?" "Cooper Matthews." "Wow." "You two just have so much in common." "Please stop comparing me to some pipsqueak freshman." "He's taller than he looks." "Look, the professors at this school actually respect me." "And so does the patient that I'm about to go see." "Well, then what's he got?" "Like multiple manic sclerosis disorder?" "No." "He has manchild syndrome." "Wait, so he's a..." "I'm sorry, what the hell is that." "It's quite serious, actually." "Not quite a man, not quite a child." "He's stuck somewhere in between." "Kind of like Zac Ephron." "He looks the same as you or me." "Except you're not a dude." "But looks aren't always what they seem." "Because trapped within somewhere deep inside are memories repressed from when he was a child." "Awaken these thoughts, and what you will find, the child inside him takes over his mind." "Manchild syndrome." "I'm sorry." "Let me get this straight." "So this guy, when he has memories of his childhood, he regresses to the mind of a child?" "OK, well then what kind of memories are we talking here?" "Well manchild syndrome is caused by oppressive childhoods." "My manchild had an overbearing mother." "And any thought of her could flip the switch." "A mother's words become a part of us." "They last forever in our minds." "Sounds kind of Freudian." "So you never know what might set it off." "It could happen anytime." "Because trapped within somewhere deep inside are memories repressed from when he was a child." "Awaken these thoughts and what you will find, the child inside him takes over his mind." "Because trapped within somewhere deep inside are memories repressed from when he was a child." "Awaken these thoughts, and what you will find the child inside him takes over his mind." "Manchild syndrome." "Office hours." "Never again." "Never been up there." "So, anyway, what with the Kingston coming up, I'm going to have to be spending a lot more time in the psych department." "So..." "Wait, was your manchild entering the competition, or something?" "No." "No, of course not." "He's a manchild." "He can't read." "And he can't write." "He couldn't even enroll in school if he wanted to." "I mean he is lucky to have me as his mentor." "OK." "Well, this has been productive." "Good luck with your little manchild, or whatever." "Well, I wouldn't mock him if I were you." "I mean, he's as big as you are." "Please, come on." "I mean, he's like six four, basically." "I'm sorry." "This guy, cool hair?" "Yeah." "Cool jacket?" "Yeah." "That's the guy with manchild syndrome?" "Yeah." "So watch what you say about him." "He's not your boyfriend?" "God no." "God no." "Hello?" "Hey, Jackie, it's Michael, Dani's boyfriend." "How's it going?" "Hey." "Yeah, Danielle was actually just talking about you?" "Really?" "What about?" "Yeah, she's been thinking about you a lot recently." "She really misses you." "You should come visit some time." "It's funny you say that." "Because I'm literally sitting in your courtyard right now." "Wow." "People here sure are friendly, Jackie." "They wouldn't even let him rent another truck until that one was pulled out of the swamp." "This whole time he thought he was in Cleveland." "listen, we got a problem." "What happened?" "You're not going to believe it." "You know the guy, cool hair, cool jacket?" "Yeah, Bianca's boyfriend." "Except he's not her boyfriend." "What?" "He's not her boyfriend?" "Hey, Coop, listen." "The guy we thought was her boyfriend, he has manchild syndrome." "My God." "What?" "What's manchild syndrome?" "That's why he always goes to the psych department when he leaves the coffee shop." "Yes, look, we gotta go save Danielle." "What's manchild syndrome?" "And that is why he's always writing in his black notebook?" "Are you still stalking him?" "Until the day I die." "OK, what's manchild syndrome?" "Well, it's quite serious actually." "Not quite a man, not quite a child... it's a long story." "Look, we've got to go save Danielle." "Wait, you're here?" "I know." "I couldn't help it." "I woke up at like 9:00 this morning." "And I've been driving for the past five hours or so." "Hey, any idea why Danielle isn't answering her phone?" "She's probably at the library again." "Well, I'll just..." "I'm going to try to track her down, OK?" "Cool." "Well maybe we could go find her together." "No, no, no." "We can't do that." "Because she is probably at the all girls library." "Because, you know Danielle, she doesn't like to distract herself with boys, which is why she has you." "OK, this has been really fun." "I'm going to go find her." "And I will talk to you later." "OK, bye bye." "All girls library." "What kind of strange college is this." "Watch out." "We have a manchild emergency." "Nate, jump on." "Go on without me." "I'll only slow you down." "Excuse me, friends, hi." "Where's the all girls library?" "It's in my dick, bro." "It's his dick." "fellows." "That's completely unnecessary, and mildly unsanitary, OK?" "I really need a pick me up." "Hey, get out the way." "There's a manchild to save." "And a girl who likes to misbehave." "All 'cause some stupid test." "We'll get out of this mess." "I want to see a manchild regress." "Should have never set them up." "Well now I know." "What were you thinking?" "I don't know." "We gotta go, go, go." "No time to waste." "We gotta" "Go, go, go." "Quit playing games." "We gotta go, go, go." "I bet Danielle will think he's hot." "God." "This is something we've got to stop." "Gotta get ourselves to the coffee shop." "You know, I just want to say, next time you don't need to go through your friends." "You can just come up and say hi to me." "I'm sorry." "Have we met before?" "Just what game do you think you're playing with me?" "I am your mother." "Do you understand?" "Just what game do you think you're playing with me?" "Should have never let her leave." "Now it's all on me." "Michael's here." "And where's she?" "I gotta go, go, go." "He's calling back." "I gotta go, go, go." "No time to chat." "I gotta go, go go." "And they said they guy was hot." "God, this is something I've got to stop." "Got to get myself to the coffee shop." "We gotta go, go, go." "We're almost there." "Gotta go, go, go." "I'm getting scared." "Gotta go, go, go." "we gotta go, go, go." "No time to spare." "Gotta..." "If you're going to keep ignoring me, then I'm just going to have to go back to my room." "Unless that is, of course, you think that we both should go to your room." "Go to your room." "OK." "Danielle?" "Manchild." "Danielle." "Manchild." "I can't believe I drove all the way up here to see this." "Who's the new guy, Dani?" "Please, Michael." "He's a manchild." "Wait." "Michael, wait." "Michael, please." "OK, just let me explain." "I was only out with that guy as a favor to my friends, OK?" "I really like ninjas." "Just because they're like super quiet." "And they also have throwing stars." "Cooper, what is wrong with your friend?" "Jackie, we don't know this guy." "We don't know him well, is what he means." "You see, Coop and I usually..." "Nate, no more games." "Let me just explain." "Yeah, please do." "What is going on?" "Listen, OK?" "This is all just one big misunderstanding, OK." "Cooper just needed that little sassbag out there to seduce this manchild here." "Because we thought that he was dating the girl that Cooper has been in love with since the first day of school." "OK?" "But, as it turns out, he's a manchild." "So just no problem." "Here, no, don't." "It's just one big misunderstanding." "Cooper, what is he talking about?" "Jackie, it's not like that." "OK, then tell me." "Tell me what it's like." "Jackie." "Jackie." "No, you know what, Cooper?" "You have done enough." "Manchildren." "They ruin everything." "How on earth did this happen?" "No yelling." "We're in no yell zone." "Yes, I know." "OK, listen." "I really don't care what happened at the coffee shop, or what made you regress." "I just need you to be a grownup now, OK?" "Feet off the couch." "I like trucks." "They're big." "And they make a lot of noise." "Kingston submissions are in one week." "We really don't have time to play games like this." "All I want in the world is to just have a nice, easy writing session." "So can you take out your notebook, please?" "I like tigers." "My mom took me to the zoo once." "And she let me pet a tiger." "I don't think she should have done that." "I agree." "But what I think you should do is just take out your notebook, please, so we can start writing." "OK." "You know what, now Bianca is angry." "And I'm going to count to 10." "One, two..." "I don't want to write." "You're not the boss of me." "Chet, where is your notebook." "No yelling." "Yes, sorry." "Where is it?" "I don't..." "I don't have it." "What do you mean you don't have it?" "You're yelling." "Yes." "You know what?" "Of course I'm yelling." "My essay is in that notebook." "All of my essays are in that notebook" "They're our essays." "Yes." "Yes, they are our essays." "Tell me what happened at the coffee shop." "Tell me everything." "Hey Coop?" "Look, I'm sorry bro." "Hey, at least she doesn't have a boyfriend, right?" "Come on." "Look at the bright side." "I mean, girls are like 10 times more likely to hook up with guys that make them angry." "I can't believe I let you talk me into this." "I just wanted to pass English." "Look, Coop, I had no idea this was going to happen." "I mean, come on." "How could I have predicted all of this?" "You really don't get it, do you?" "I'm angry because you tried to turn me into you." "And you didn't stop once to consider whether I wanted to be like you." "Well, I don't." "I don't want to go from one meaningless hookup to the next." "It's pathetic." "You want to know why you've never had a serious relationship with a girl?" "Well, it's because it's impossible to take you seriously." "You don't even take yourself seriously." "You're a joke." "I'm a joke?" "Try looking at yourself for once, and stop blaming me for your problems." "It's not my fault you clam up every time you try to speak to a girl." "It's not my fault that the girl you're obsessed with doesn't even know you exist." "You know what?" "Actually, Coop, I'm doing just fine, thank you very much." "I don't need to fall in love with every single girl I meet to feel good about myself." "If anyone's a jokes it's you, you virgin." "Just get out of my room." "Look, Coop, I..." "Get the hell out of my room." "Hello?" "It's Cooper." "Look, can I come in?" "You know they broke up because of you guys?" "Yeah, I'm sorry." "We had no idea." "Apologize to her, not me." "Jackie, I just want to be completely honest with you, so we can move past all this." "OK, who is the other girl?" "It was Bianca." "Wow, OK." "OK, so what was I?" "Some stepping stone to the girl you really wanted to be with?" "No." "No." "You were..." "I mean, yes, at first." "But..." "You are so not who I thought you were." "But then that night in the library" "I realized that you were different, that what we had is different." "Cooper, you lied to me, OK?" "You lied to my best friend." "Lord knows who else you lied to." "I don't even know why I kissed you." "You know what, Cooper?" "Here." "You can give that to Professor Stevens." "And if you need anymore help with tutoring," "I'm sure Bianca's available." "Jackie." "I'd really like you to leave now, Cooper." "Danielle, I, I'm really sorry that things didn't work out for you and Michael." "In a way they did." "Good night." "And I thought this was a girl's dorm." "So what were you doing here?" "I was visiting a friend." "Yeah?" "Was it one of the friends who ambushed Chet in the coffee shop, and stole his notebook and made him regress?" "I'm sorry..." "Don't deny it honey." "Everyone saw you there, you and your little tutor, Jackie." "We were both there." "But I didn't steal a..." "See if, I don't get that notebook," "I could really cause a lot of trouble for both of you." "Because that notebook is worth more than your little, insignificant life." "And as I can see it, your little life depends on passing the English final." "And I grade your English final, don't I?" "So I would think long and hard about giving me what I want, soon." "When day turns to night time, and your thoughts turn to her, like autumn's change to winter, do you lament for the way things once were?" "Silence is thunder and dew feels like frost." "The world's that much bleaker when you know what you've lost." "So we drift back to memory of the happiest days we've known, full of fun and games and of laughter, where the seeds of our friendships were sown." "The dreams of our childhood fresh in our mind, they cling to our conscience until we leave them behind." "To be free of this manchild in me, to break these bonds of slavery in me." "A man like no other..." "Stop." "Sit down." "You know, my Kingston competitors are probably polishing up their essays, making sure they're perfect." "But I'm not." "You know why?" "Because you lost it, OK?" "So enough of this singing nonsense." "And you're going to start writing a new draft immediately or I'm never going to talk to you again, OK?" "Do you understand that?" "That's what you said last time." "Liar, liar pants on fire." "I just need to write one more essay, OK?" "And then we can have playtime every day." "How's that sound?" "Fact... girls have cooties." "My God." "Fact... you're a girl." "So you have cooties." "I don't have time for this." "This is the big year, did you know that?" "David Miller is going to be there." "We could have a book deal." "I mean, just think about how proud your mother would be to see her little boy all grown up, become a great author." "Now listen, I know your mom didn't always believe in you." "But guess who did?" "Bianca did." "And she still does." "What would she say if you went boldly where no manchild has ever gone before?" "It's no use." "Useless." "In the future, I would avoid using a split infinitive in the subjunctive mood." "Chet?" "You seem exasperated." "What ails you?" "You're back." "Thank God." "My God." "Can you write?" "Please tell me you can write." "The life of the mind is ever prone to self-expression." "Of course I can write." "Thank God." "OK, we might have enough time." "Here you go." "I would prefer to use my own notebook." "I know." "I know." "We don't have it." "So you're going to have to just not." "Do you think you could find it for me?" "No, I can't find it for you." "Because you lost it, OK?" "I cannot keep track of all of your belongings." "I can't follow you around the world, cleaning up your mess." "I am not your maid." "I am not your maid." "Hey, Bianca." "Hey, Chet." "There's my notebook." "Really?" "I totally got you." "You were like, where's the notebook." "And I was like, it's over there." "But it wasn't over there." "I'm so screwed." "I'm going to read." "Jackie Pearson probably finished writing her essay." "She's printed it out, and put a staple in it." "And she's probably turned it in to Professor Steven's office." "You know, the thing I like about jets is that they go like super fast." "And they also bullets." "Count to 1,000." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to see something." "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13." "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13." "You know what today is, right?" "Yeah." "Are you going?" "She hates me." "Wait, Bianca or Jackie?" "Yes." "Well, if you want to go anyway I could go with you." "You would sit through a bunch of boring essays?" "Yeah." "I mean, if you needed the company." "Look, Nate, that stuff I said about you being a joke and..." "No, look, I was being a real jackass." "No, you were trying to help me." "That's all you've ever tried to do." "I'm sorry." "Come here, bro." "And hey, if you want me to tackle her before the final so she won't distract you..." "I don't think that'll be necessary." "In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail the class no matter how well I do in the final." "It's like Bianca's really got it out for me." "And Jackie too." "Wait, what do you mean?" "It's something about this missing notebook that I..." "Something's happened." "We don't have much time." "Hi there." "It's a pleasure." "Truly an honor." "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 53rd annual Kingston award ceremonies." "Tonight we will finally crown a winner." "even to those who consider the problem evanescent." "Evanescent." "Jackie, come on." "They're starting." "You know that thing inside and out, OK?" "Do you like the word evanescent?" "Ms. Pearson, we need you backstage now." "Yeah, it's like my favorite word, OK?" "You'll do fine." "Good luck, babe." "Wait, how do you know all this?" "I heard it all when I was spying on the manchild at the psych department." "And then I followed her to Professor Stevens office where she used her key to get in." "As just another quagmire in an already complicated trope of historical issues." "But the issue is still of topical relevance, even to those who consider the problem evanescent." "Bianca stole Jackie's essay?" "Why would she do that?" "Because she lost hers." "Or should I say she lost this?" "That was excellent" "Very sound." "So all this time, he's been writing everything for her?" "Everything, including her past three Kingston essays." "So she became a TA by ripping off someone else's work." "Mhmm, by ripping off the work of a manchild." "Genius, really." "The wisdom and technical mastery a man, the wonderment and naivety of a child." "OK, well we have to do something." "All right, if Bianca reads that essay..." "God." "It's already started." "OK." "I have a plan." "But it's going to take balls, a bunch of them." "You guys go on ahead to the Kingston." "I've got a stop to make." "We never just stop and think about why." "We conform." "When is it best to break free from all..." "Are you sure that was Jackie's essay?" "Positive." "I've heard her read it aloud a million times." "We've got to tell somebody." "She'd have no way of proving it." "Professor Stevens never read it, and no one else did." "In conclusion, I think the internet is the future of living." "Besides, Bianca has won that competition three times." "There's no need for cars or houses there." "Sounds like only a total badass can save the situation now." "Or Barbie dolls." "Maxine." "Well, well, well." "I have to get into the library." "Library is closed, sugar butt." "Listen, Maxine, you have to let me in." "My friend, she keeps a notebook inside." "She really needs it right now." "If you could just open it back up." "Look, I would do anything." "Forgetting to dress yourself in the morning?" "Well, we're doing a study..." "It's nothing to be ashamed about." "Out of the way, you two!" "And now, for our final contestant, Ms. Jacqueline" "Pearson." "Were you with Maxine?" "Lubo, I need the manchild's notebook." "Yeah." "Let's do this." "Whoa, sorry." "You may begin at any time." "We are ready whenever you are." "You can't go in there." "There's a ceremony underway." "Stop!" "Go on without me." "Stop them!" "Stop!" "Let me take care of this." "score to settle." "It looks somebody wants a rematch." "Young man, do you realize where you are?" "I know exactly where I am." "Bianca didn't read her own essay today." "She stole Jackie Pearson's." "Can someone please get him out of here?" "He's clearly lost his mind." "I mean, look at what he's wearing." "Besides why would I, of all people, steal someone else's essay when I've won..." "Because you've been doing it for years." "I have original drafts of every single essay" "Bianca has submitted, including our past three Kingston essays." "And not one word is in her own handwriting." "She didn't write any of it." "Take a look." "You can't prove anything." "Maybe I can't." "But a man named Chet can." "He's part of a study down at the psych lab on manchild syndrome." "What is manchild syndrome?" "Well, it's quite serious, actually." "And for the past three years, he's been the best writer on campus." "But nobody knew it." "Because they didn't give him a chance." "Nobody took him seriously, or bothered to read anything he wrote." "That is, until Bianca came along to exploit him." "It's gripping." "What are you doing?" "You can't just..." "Just show them what you showed me." "Ms. Pearson, this has been a highly unusual day." "I'm sorry another person read your essay on what should have been a very special occasion." "It's fine, Mr. Miller." "But given the circumstances, would you permit me to read something I've written here?" "It would be our pleasure." "Every day we strive for it." "When we watch people pass us by, when we dress up for a party, when we get coffee with perfect strangers, we're really just searching." "We're searching for that belief, that knowledge that we are not alone, that someone has got our back." "If it weren't for you, I'd never have burst through that door." "If it weren't for you, I'd never have found something worth fighting for." "If it weren't for you, I'd never have gone to an iPod dance." "If it weren't for you I'd still have my favorite pair of pants." "If it weren't for you, if it weren't for you." "Until now I thought maybe we're better alone." "But you've shown I'm not fine on my own." "If it weren't for you." "Until now I thought maybe we're better alone." "But you've shown I'm not fine on my own." "If it weren't for you, I'd never have seen those city lights." "If it weren't for you, I'd never have seen the library at night." "If it weren't for you, I'd never have seen a manchild face to face." "If it weren't for you, I'd never have slept on a bookcase." "If it weren't for you, if it weren't for you." "Until now I thought maybe we're better alone." "But you've shown." "I'm not fine on my own." "If it weren't for you." "Until now I thought maybe we're better alone." "But you've shown..." "I'm not fine on my own." "If it weren't for you." "Every door felt locked down." "Every window was shut now." "But you turned that around." "Every road felt blocked off." "Every path was crossed off." "Yeah, without you I'm lost." "If it weren't for you." "Until now I thought maybe we're better alone." "But you've shown I'm not fine on my own." "If it weren't for you." "If it weren't for you." "I'd never have burst through that door." "If it weren't for you, I'd never..." "Found something worth fighting for." "Or see something in us that we couldn't see ourselves." "Maybe in the end, we should just embrace the fact that together we're anything but ordinary." "Total badass." "Watch him." "What an essay." "Yes." "Nothing to be ashamed about there." "So how was it?" "It was extraordinary." "I won!" "Ms. Pearson, congratulatoins." "Well done." "Thank you so much." "Jackie." "I knew you could do it." "Well, I had help." "I mean, how many guys get tutored by a girl with a book deal... from the largest publishing company in North America." "No, Cooper, this was all you." "All you." "Hey, let me get that for you." "What?" "You don't have to do that." "Listen, it's the least I could do." "Yeah, that's true." "I try." "Good work, champ." "My bad." "And you didn't even have to bone your TA to do it." "Well, I guess you sort of did bone her by getting her fired, and having her Kingston titles stripped." "Well, you know, Chet wrote those essays." "And he deserves the credit." "No, you don't get it." "You just gotta... you actually, you just have to listen to me." "He thought he was in Cleveland." "He thought he was in Cleveland." "Yeah." "He was in a swamp." "Yeah, he was in a swamp." "But he thought he was in Cleveland." "There are no swamps in Cleveland." "We've got to figure out where this guy was." "Are there no swamps in Cleveland?" "Or was he in the swamp?" "Cleveland?" "Swamp?" "Cleveland?" "Swamp?" "Cleveland?" "That is unclear." "I have no idea." "Hello, boys." "Hey there." "How are you?" "You're looking nice today." "Well, thank you, Lubo." "Not looking too bad yourself." "I think she likes you." "And Chet, I heard about the writing awards." "Congrats." "Thank you." "I can't wait to read your new stuff." "Just promise you won't forget about us when you get all big and famous." "Never." "We'll have to count on Lubo here to make sure you're grounded." "You are grounded."