"So, let's get to the lovin', huh?" "." "So, how about a little mood music, huh?" "." "Zeppelin or Foghat?" "." " Whatever." " Laurie, areyou okay?" "." "I'm sorry." "I guess I'm just not into it today." "Actually, I feel like talking." "Oh." "Okay, yeah, I'll try anything once." "Well, it's just" "Lately I feel like all my friends are away at school... and I'm the only one here, and I just feel like this huge failure." "Laurie, don't be silly." "Failures are ugly, and you're hot." " That's true." " Yeah." " Thanks, Kelso." " Yeah." "I guess it all started in junior high." "That's when a girl really defines who she is." "You know what I mean?" "." "So, we're talking some more?" "." "I reallywanna talk." "Okay." "I'll put my shirt back on so we can talk some more." " Great." " Yeah, super." "Look at this ad, Red." "They're opening a Price Mart right in our own town-- 1 4.95 for a toaster." " Can you believe it?" "." " No, I can't." "I bought that very same toaster in your store for twice that." "Yeah, that's my point." "Thatyou screwed me?" "." "Red, 1 4.95 is below my cost." "This Price Mart could put me out ofbusiness." "Hey, they're hiring." "Red, you can't." "These giant corporations come into town." "They destroy little businesses like mine." "They're evil." "Yeah, I guess that's true." "Hangin'out" "Downthestreet" "Thesameoldthing" "Wedidlastweek" "Nota thingto do" "Buttalktoyou" "We'reallallright" "Hello, Wisconsin!" "Where is the food?" "." "Eric, you should give your refrigerator to people who have food." "Look at this." "Hamburger Helper." "Tuna Helper." "A can ofbeets?" "." "Oh, gross." "I will not eat a darn beet." "You know what, Forman?" "." "Your dad better get a job and soon 'cause I'm starving here." "I'll tell him you said that." "Michael, it's not polite to remind poor people that they're po" "Less fortunate." "We're not less fortunate." "We're just on a budget." "Well, it is a hell of a tiny budget." "Oh, that's not funny." "That's sad." "Hey, Kelso, eat that." "All right, green Jell-O." "Hey,Jackie, try some." "I heard green stuff makes you horny." "Michael, that onlyworks with green MM's." "Duh." "Nuh-uh." "It's everything green." "Right, Donna?" "." "Actually, Kelso, you know what really makes you horny?" "." "Beets." "Yeah, right." "No, it's true." "I saw it on 60 Minutes, man." "Beet farmers with like 1 0, 1 5 kids." "Man, how's come everything that's good foryou, always tastes so bad?" "." "I'm trying it." "Michael, honey, don't eat our beets." "You know, Michael, Mrs. Forman's right." "You're horny enough as it is." "Sometimes I wish you had two girlfriends." "Oh, my God." "Areyou serious?" "." " What?" "." " Nothing." "I get it, Bob." "Kitty, I'm getting a job at Price Mart!" "  [Radio:" "Rock]" " And I guess I've just been too concerned... with the needs of others, and I haven't thought enough about myself." " Kelso?" "." " Yeah." "Yeah." "Listening." "So, what doyou think?" "." "Well, uh, I... agree?" "." " Really?" "." " Yeah!" "I mean" " I mean, everything you said makes so much sense." "So, who wants sex?" "." "I know I do." "Kelso, I'm feeling really close toyou... and I think I want a relationship." "Yes, that's what I want, a sexual relationship." "No, no, I mean, I want more from you than just sex." "[ Scoffs ] Don't be silly, Laurie." "Sex is enough for anywoman." "Kelso, I want an emotional relationship." "Exactly!" "We both want a sexually, emotional relationship." "This Price Mart looks like a heck ofan outfit, Kitty." "Yeah, maybe I should go down there and get a job too." "Eric, when your father's in a good mood, what do I say?" "." " No talking?" "." " Thankyou." "Eric, I told you." "Yourjob is to study hard... get good grades, get a scholarship, go to college and move away." "End of discussion." "Then how come Hyde gets to have a job?" "." "Because, Forman, you have potential." "Whereas I'll be a success ifl stay out ofjail." "Exactly." "Oh, no, Steven, that is not true." "It's just it's a little different because" "[ Loud Whisper] he doesn't have any parents." "Oh, my God!" "I don't have any parents?" "." "Okay, okay, wish me luck." " Okay, good luck, honey." "Knock 'em dead." " Good luck." "Man, what's his problem?" "." "I just" " I just wanna help out." "Well, I am sorry, Eric, but I agree with your father" "School is yourjob." "Oh, and also to be my precious little baby boy." "Mom, we talkedabout this." "I'm not a boy anymore." "I'm a man." "Shut up, Hyde!" "I am a man!" "Fine." "My precious little baby man." "Oh, man... you are so luckyyour mom's a runaway alcoholic." "I must say, Red." "I am very impressed with your experience." " Well, thankyou, Mr. Herbison." " Oh, call me Ted, Red." "Hey, "Ted, Red." That's funny." "Yeah, it is." "Uh, I didn't catch it there at first... but then, whoop, that's funny." "I seeyou're applying for our supervisor position." "What would you say ifl offered you a job right now?" "." "I'd say, "Let's break out the Champale."" "Great, 'cause we're hiring cashiers." "You getyour own smock." "But I'm not a cashier, Ted." "I'm management." "Okay, then we'll letyou know." "So, uh, "Red, Ted," that's pretty funny though." "On second thought, it's not that funny." " Red, come and eatyour dinner." " Shh!" "Not hungry." "Hey, what's going on?" "." " Shh." "Red's waiting for a phone call." " Oh." " [ Crunching ]" " Shh!" "Sorry." "You know, that phone hasn't rung all damn day." " Maybe it's broken." " No, it's not broken." " [ Dial Tone ]" " No, it's not broken." "Oh, damn!" "They could've called right then... got a busy signal, moved on to the next guy on the list." "Oh, man, I just screwed myself out of a job!" "[ Phone Rings ]" "Wait, Red, wait." "Let it ring." "You don't wanna seem desperate." " [ Ringing ]" " Right." "Eric, ifthis is one ofyour dumb-ass friends, you'd better start runnin'." "Please don't be Kelso." "Please don't be Kelso." "Hello." "It's Price Mart." "God!" "Yes." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Clears Throat ] This is the Forman residence." "Oh, you have good news." "Yeah, ha." "Uh-huh." "Okay, then." "Thanks for calling." "So, what's the good news?" "." "[ Sighs ] Well, the good news is..." "Eric got a job at Price Mart." "Run, honey, run." "Man, Red went ballistic on me." "I mean, I wanna keep the job, but..." "I really don't wanna wear my ass for a hat." "'Cause, you know, he said he could do that, and I believe him." "Come on, Forman." "Fight the power, man." "That way I can haveyour room after Red kills you." "Although I'm not sure an ass-hat is fatal." "You know what would be a good job for me?" "." "Gigolo." ""The loving is over, now pay me."" "So, Laurie's been talking a lot lately, right?" "." "She's saying she wants a relationship, you know." "And I kept waiting for the dirty part." "But the dirty part never came." "Kelso, I have a real problem here, okay?" "." "I'd like to talk about that." "Right." "You know, dating two girls wasn't supposed to be like this." "No, it was supposed to be like" "So, doyou wanna talk?" "." "No way." "I just wanna fool around." "Yeah." "Oh, talking is stupid." "You know, I'll just wait quietly until you and Laurie are done." "Have fun." "Well, thanks, babe." "You know, feel free to jump in." "Hey, Kelso, you mind ifl join in your sexy circle too?" "." " Why not?" "." " All Eric everwants to do is talk." "I told you he was a loser." "I know." "I mean, how am I supposed to talkwhen I don't have a thought... in my pretty little red head?" "." "See, Michael?" "." "Donna is just as empty-headed as we are." "Oh, Donna, you make a great addition to our sexy circle." "All right, ladies, there's just one rule here." "There are no bras allowed." "[ Girls ] Yea!" "See, that's pretty sweet, huh?" "." " What doyou think?" "." " [ Clears Throat ]" "I think it makes your ass look big." "You know, I just don't know why my dad doesn't want me to work." "I mean, yeah, I'm a real bad boy, Donna." "My big teenage rebellion is to get a job." "Ooh, you never know what I'm gonna do next." "Oh, my God, look out." "He's got insurance." "You know, I think it'll be great when you get a job." "Maybe on dates we won't just sit in the car." "Maybe we can actually drive somewhere and maybe, I don't know, eat." "Or maybe I can get my own popcorn at the movies." "You're a dreamer." "Yeah, you know what?" ". [ Clears Throat ] I'm gonna keep the job." "Wow, you're like a Rebel Without a Cause. "" "But with a cause." " And a smock." " Right." "You gotta hide me." "[Laurie ] Kelso, areyou down there?" " Crap!" "I'm not here." " [Footsteps Approaching]" "Have you seen Kelso?" "." "Well, yes, I have." "He's hiding from you in the shower." "[Kelso Gasps ]" "Hi." "Guess what?" "." "I just found my eighth grade diary." "Come on, I'll read it toyou." "Great!" "Hey, Forman." "Good news, Red." "I just took Cosmo's "Ten Ways to Please Your Man in Bed" test... and I got nine out of 1 0." "[ Laughs ]" "But I didn't get number three, because I'm a nurse, and number three is icky." "I can't believe that Eric." "Oh, I thinkworking is important to Eric's self-esteem... and I really don't think it's a big deal." "But he only got a job, Kitty, because I don't have one." "And no son of mine is going to work and screw up his chances... to go to a good college 'cause I can't carry the load." "I should have taken that crummy cashier's job." "Oh, now what kind oftalk is that?" "." "You deserve to be supervisor." "In fact, the Red Forman I know would march right down there and fight for it." "I've been out ofwork for six months." "I can't afford to fight right now, Kitty." "I gotta take their crappy offer... and smile like a jackass while I do it." "Red, I don't think your smile is gonna" "Oh, I'm going for a walk." "Well, wait a minute, honey." "You know what?" "We cansplit a bottle ofiwine... and I'll-I'll give number three a shot." "That was a close one." " Did you quit that job?" "." " Dad, I wanna keep that job." "Well, it's a tough world, Eric." "[ Clears Throat ]" "And people don't always get what theywant, especiallyyou." "Dad, I'm pretty sure I'm not backing down on this one." "You're not?" "." "Oh, no." "Well, I guess you win then." "Dad, you always tell me never to back down. "Don't back down."" ""Formans never back down." And nowyou're telling me to back down?" "." "Well, Dad, I can only conclude thatyou're insane." "You think that's funny?" "." "Well, you know, maybe not in the traditional ha-ha sense, but, you know, it's kind of" "Look, I've gotta go." "You know, you're gonna look real funny when you're wearing-  [ Both ] your ass for a hat." " Yeah." "Even though I doubt that's physically possible." "Let's find out together." "Okay, Laurie, I want you to know... that I really, really, really enjoy fooling around with you." "Yeah, I get that a lot." "And you should, 'causeyou're talented." "See, but I don't want one ofthose relationships... because I already have one ofthose with Jackie." " Yeah, but that can't last." " No." "See, what I'm saying is is that we have to break this thing off." "Huh." "That's a pretty big decision to make all on your own." "Maybeyou and me and Jackie should all get together and discuss it." "No, you wouldn't." "Really?" "." "Look at me, Kelso." "Look into my-- [ Demonic Voice ] eyes." "Laurie, will you go out with me?" "." "Oh, Kelso, I thought you'd never ask." "It's a smart move taking cashier." "I knowyou were gunning for supervisor, but, hey, there's no shame in backing down." "Well, that is a mighty nice smock." "You know, you think thatyour kids don't listen toyou... but they do." "I'm not sure I follow." "I changed my mind, Ted." "I'm here for the supervisor's job." "You know what I mean, Ted?" "." "Okay, well, now, your father should be back from his interview any minute now." "Mom, how come we have to be here?" "." "I could be using this time to... not be here." "No, this is a very difficult day foryour father, and he needs to be with his family." " I'll be in the basement." " No, you sit." "Oh, sure, when things get ugly, suddenly I'm family." "Not to me, freak." "You are so going to end up in porno." "Hi, honey." "Right to the bar." "Not a good sign." "What areyou all looking at?" "." "Don'tyou think that Price Mart's new supervisor deserves a drink?" "." "Yea!" "Yeah, I got it." "Hey, congratulations, Dad." "Thanks, Eric." "Oh, and you're fired." "What?" "." "You can't do that." "Yes, I can." "You're fired!" "Hey, you know what?" "." "I'm not fired." "Okay, ifit's so important to you, you're not fired." "But ifyour grades start to slip, you are fired!" "I love saying that." "God help the poor bastards who work foryou, huh?" "." "[ Chuckles ] Wait." "Uh, I work foryou." "I know." "So, Dad, you and me going to work together." "What a nightmare, huh?" "." "Oh, would you look at that?" "." "They spelled your name wrong." "Just doesn't get old, does it?" "." "Well, ifit isn't Benedict and Arnold." "Bob, I needed that job." "And ifyou can't get that... well, I'm sorry, you're a dumb-ass." "Look, they misspelled "Price Mart."" " You wanna keep that finger?" "." " Uh-huh." "You've gotta stop goofing around, Kelso." "Am I right,Jackie?" "." "Laurie is so right, Michael." "We are very disappointed in you." "Even Eric got a job." "Yeah, even my stupid brother got a job." "Yeah, her brother's stupid, and he got a job." "Sexy circle?" "." "Ow!"