"This has been buzzardville right here, girl." "It's like the guys hang out here right now more than the girls right now, you know?" "That's peppy, ain't it?" "Is that peppy?" "Look like it." "Girl, go back there and get that ho." "Ooh, watch here." "This fool gonna run into me." "Wait a minute." "Okay, slow down." "Slow down." "You gonna go up and down these blocks." "Make a left." "Make a right." "Make a left." "Make a right." "Which one, make a left or right?" "There you go." "There you go, right there." "Okay." "There's a car over there." "Yeah." "Man, that look like a baby, don't, it?" "Mm-hmm." "Ooh, s-- w-where this car at?" "What this car doing?" "Wait." "You see, he see I got my signal." "Sweetie, you need condoms." "This ho, she keep on " "Want some condoms, baby?" "Okay." "You want some condoms." "You know you want some." "Come here!" "You okay?" "You okay?" "Come on over there." "This guy stabbed me." "He was about 19 years old." "And when I looked down, he had hit an artery, and blood started pouring out like a waterfall." "Oh, my god." "So, I grabbed my waist." "I'm like, "what the hell you do to me?"" "And then, by that time, he stabbed me here." "And now he's stabbing me, and I'm just punching him, and I'm telling her, "why won't he die,"" "you know what I'm saying?" "But my mind was slipping, and I passed out." "The drugs -- I have to stop." "I broke down crying to my friend" "I broke down crying to my friend to don't let me wake up, lord." "In the morning I don't want to wake up." "I'm too scared to take my own life, but in a way, I wish somebody would, you know what I'm saying?" "'Cause you know how many people die with two, three stab wounds?" "And here I am, got stabbed 19 times, and I'm still here." "This friend of mine, just the other day, she puts my hand to her chest " "And she's been stabbed so many times." "And I look, and I'm crying." "I'm like, "oh, my god."" "And I look, and I'm crying." "I'm like, "oh, my god."" "I raise up her shirt." "She's been stabbed." "She " " I'm crying." "I'm holding her." "This was just this week." "And I'm holding her, holding her." "She died in my arms, and I just " "You know, it just messed me up, because here it is, they get stabbed, they this, they that, and they die, and I'm stabbed, and I'm still here." "This and that." "And it confuses me at times." "'Cause I want peace." "I really don't want to be living." "I really don't want to be living." "Uh, first I started selling drugs." "Dropped out of school." "Uh, I started dating, you know, uh, older men that was older than me." "And my whole family -- You know, my mother " "I was born with crack in my system or whatever." "You was born with crack in your system?" "Yeah." "But, well, I've been going through a lot of stuff, you know?" "Like, I ain't had my mama when I was little, you know?" "And it was from curiosity, though." "And it was from curiosity, though." "I mean, one day, I just tried it, and I liked it." "And..." "Here you are." "Yep." "How long " "So you've been out here prostituting so you can get high, right?" "Only 19 years old." "And my mama who adopted me, she's 80 years old, and, you know, that's the only mama I know." "But, like, you know, now, I mean, sh" "I'm just out here by myself, you know?" "I ain't got nobody." "Have you ever thought about getting off drugs and doing something with your life?" "And doing something with your life?" "It's okay, baby." "It's all right, sweetheart." "I'm trying to stop, but I've starting shooting up." "I've started doing everything." "It's just like, there's just more pain every day." "T.T., you know what?" "No." "I used to be right out here too, you know what I'm saying?" "I used to be right out here too, you know what I'm saying?" "From that hotel to that corner, from that hotel to that corner." "That's what I did, you know what I'm saying?" "Hiding." "Hiding from myself, actually." "You know what I mean?" "I know what pain is, and I know -- I know you're in a lot of pain." "If you want somebody that's gonna care for you unconditionally, t., we here to do that." "Unconditionally, t., we here to do that." "See, you didn't know about this." "You didn't know there was some women like that here, did you?" "You didn't know that there was somebody that you could reach out and hold your hand till you could learn how to walk." "And that's what we do." "We understand right now that you're in the midst of what's going on out here, okay?" "We've did it all -- Been high and all of that " "So we understand." "Right now, you're in the midst of what's going on." "So, are you ready to get help tonight?" "No." "We're not here to pressure you or judge you." "We're not here to pressure you or judge you." "We just want to know when you're ready." "So, you can call us." "Can you -- do you know the name of this organization?" "The dreamcatcher foundation." "You got any dreams?" "Catching a dream." "You got any dreams you want to catch?" "Uh, yeah." "And when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you call us and let us help you." "There's a girl that I know." "She came from the West Side of Chicago." "Her mother died when she was six months old." "She was put into the care of her grandmother." "Her grandmother was an alcoholic " "You know, went to work every day, but physically, emotionally, mentally abusive to her." "And she started getting molested at the early age of 4 or 5." "Sometimes the people that her grandmother had keeping an eye on her were some of the people that molested her." "She used to sit in the window -- And they lived in an area she used to sit in the window -- And they lived in an area where prostitutes worked up and down the street " "And she used to watch these ladies all the time." "But these ladies looked kind of shiny, and all she ever wanted to be was shiny." "She never wanted anything else." "And she asked her grandmother one day," ""what are those women doing?"" "She said, "well, those women get into cars and take off their panties, and men give them money."" "She put her little dress on, and her little cheap shoes, and she went down to an area where she knew where prostitutes worked, and she got into the car with her first customer." "And she got into the car with her first customer." "As he was on top of her, she cried." "She got out because she kept hearing her grandmother's voice saying," ""you need to bring some money into this house."" "And then she got into the next car." "When she got into the next car, she started crying, and she asked the man, she said, "please..." "Don't do this,"" "because she thought about what she had done, and she had gotten too far, but it was too late by then." "Her life was 25 years in prostitution." "Her life was 25 years in prostitution." "That young lady got shot five times, stabbed over 13 times." "At the end of the road, she got in the car with a guy who drug her six blocks, tore all the skin off her face and her body." "And she thought she would never have a face again." "All she asked for was her face back and to make her a lady, 'cause she could never remember being a lady, and she just wanted her face back." "And today, that young lady stands before you a lady with a face." "A lady with a face." "I don't -- This -- this is crazy." "I don't know." "I had one on last night, and I wanted to put it back on today." "You know, it's my -- It's my new look." "Oh, you got a new one." "Yeah." "I didn't see it when I looking I don't know where my hair is." "I didn't see it when I looking I don't know where my hair is." "Okay, I'll put on another hair." "But, see, then, when I change hairs," "I change personalities." "Oh, I know where my hair is " "In the hair thing." "No, maybe..." "You got it?" "No, it's not in here." "It's not in there?" "Interpret this one." "I like that one, too." "You like this one?" "I don't like this one." "You like this one?" "I don't like this one." "I mean, I love it, but it's not " "I don't feel it today." "Mm-hmm." "Right now, I'm trying to figure out " "I'm still trying to figure out what I'm finna put on, you know?" "'Cause I felt like that hair, you know?" "It was, like, fun, springy, and I felt like that." "Now I'm throwed off." "I'm throwed off, so I got to get throwed back on." "Shit." "Excuse me." "Hey!" "Get in the room!" "Gloria, Gloria!" "Come here." "Come here." "Come here." "Come here." "Okay." "Bye." "Okay." "It's hard to have a sister, ain't it?" "It's hard to trust women again after being out there in the streets for so long." "Because when we're out there, men teach us to not like each other, men teach us to not like each other, because if we like each other, that's way too much power." "Then they can't control us if we get together." "That's rule number eight in the pimp's code of conduct " "Never let a ho like a ho." "Ha." "'Cause then, if they get together, they can turn against him." "So they always have these things out there about us so that we wouldn't get together, or that we wouldn't know that they were using us, because only another sister would tell another sister, because only another sister would tell another sister," ""girl, he ain't no good." "He's using you."" "But if they kept us separated, divide, they could conquer." "We got some time now." "I'm gonna leave the floor open for any of y'all who want to share." "He came after me..." "Beat me outside the car till I was bloody and knocked -- Dislocated my jaw, knocked two of my very back teeth halfway out, made me take all my clothes off " "And that was to ensure that I wouldn't jump out of the car." "And that was to ensure that I wouldn't jump out of the car." "And he tried to make me perform oral sex on him while my jaw was dislocated, and I couldn't do it very well." "And he still beat me in the car, and I'm already bloody, so, whatever." "And..." "And he's talking about..." "You know, he wants to do it to me in the butt." "And I'm like " "You know, this time, I'm telling him you know, this time, I'm telling him anything I have to so he doesn't kill me." "He went to go lunge forward." "He put me in a headlock." "And I started screaming." "The guy let go of me, and I dropped to the floor " "Or to the ground, and I started running across the parking lot." "I went home, and I was in and out of a comatose state." "I finally ended up going to the hospital." "I finally ended up going to the hospital." "I spent three days semicomatose." "You know, that's just some of what the streets can do to you." "My name's keena." "Thank you, keena." "As you all know, just recently, they vacated my whole record, right?" "Y'all better understand about that one, baby." "Y'all better understand about that one, baby." "Okay?" "And this is the woman who helped me do that." "Um, you've been there, and you're probably still struggling with feeling like the way you've been treated is what you deserve, right?" "My job is to hold the rest of the world accountable for what's been done to you." "I know " "And what we did with Brenda is we went to the court, and what we did with Brenda is we went to the court, and we basically said," ""every time that there was a conviction" ""that landed in her lap, in her life, on her record," ""you were treating her like a criminal," ""and that was wrong," ""and you, the legal system, should not have done that." "You should have recognized that she was surviving."" "Brenda helped make the law happen, because up until this law was enacted, we didn't have a way of going to the court system and saying, we didn't have a way of going to the court system and saying," ""these convictions shouldn't have happened" ""in the first place." ""You were treating somebody like a criminal" ""when you should have been recognizing that really they were a survivor."" "I see 'em." "You see the one talking to the guy in the car?" "Mm-hmm, talking to the car." "There." "That's what I tell 'em " "Always be somebody right there, yeah." "Oh, my god, just stay up there." "This is the street, right here, that ended my prostitution." "Oh, yeah, that is." "I was right up here by the light." "I was right up here by the light." "I dated him up here, tried to get out the car right there, and my clothes caught hold to the car " "Pull over." "Let me get these girls some condoms." "This is the area that ended my -- that was my demise." "Someone tried to strangle me like a year and a half ago." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "So I stopped working the track for a long time." "Can't do it." "I don't want you to get hurt, though." "This is dangerous out here." "Yeah, I know." "Yeah, I know." "My friend just died a couple months ago." "She did?" "Yeah, in, um..." "In Newport beach." "They found her face-down in the sand." "Yeah?" "Her name was Tina." "Okay, she's working, but she's got a guy with her, because a lot of times, they walk down here with guys because it's been so hot up here." "I don't know where she went." "But she had just came out of Denny's." "But she had just came out of Denny's." "Out here is really dangerous." "That's why I hardly ever come out here." "I don't hardly ever walk the track." "Yeah, this is one of the most dangerous spots to work." "I was walking home from her house one day " "I would never, when I was out here " "And I was tough, you know." "This area right here -- I wouldn't do it " "I would only do it in the daytime." "I would do this in the daytime, and then, you know, I would never do it at night." "Yeah?" "It was too spooky for me." "It was too -- They're dangerous out here." "They're starting to kill the girls." "That's because the people start stealing that's because the people start stealing and robbing from these guys and not respecting the fact that their money's just as hard-earned as ours." "Right." "So once you respect the game, then I haven't had that many bad things happen to me while I was working." "Hey." "Yeah." "It's my baby's daddy." "Yeah, babe." "Yeah, baby daddy." "All right." "So, I moved out here." "I was on the run from parole." "Ran from parole." "I was on the run from parole." "Ran from parole." "Mm-hmm." "I kept going back and forth to prison." "And then, '08, I hooked up with my 4-year-old's dad." "And I ended up getting pregnant, and ended up going back to serve my time." "I did two and a half years in prison." "Got out in 2011." "Lived with him." "Tried the, you know..." "The square stuff." "Tried to do it." "Mm-hmm." "But I wanted to get into the escorting business, which was only online." "Mm-hmm." "In April, me and my baby's dad had a fallout." "Mm-hmm." "The strain was too bad." "Like, the violence was there." "The strain was too bad." "Like, the violence was there." "We were always fighting and everything, you know." "We never got along." "Mm-hmm." "I decided to leave." "And then I ended up getting trapped in a relationship that was like, "dang," "I just broke up with him, and now here's this guy,"" "you know?" "Mm-hmm, right." ""He's doing it all over again," so " "Are you pregnant now?" "Yes, I am." "Okay." "I am." "I'm 20 weeks pregnant." "So " "And it wasn't -- I did not want it." "It was not like " " I didn't hand the guy the condom." "He knew I was really fucked up." "Right." "You know, he was, like, a more -- a trap thing." "'Cause he heard on the streets that -- 'cause he heard on the streets that " "Because how loyal and how much money I made for my baby's dad, you know..." "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm." "So he figured out that " "So he wanted to get you pregnant." "Yeah, "if I trap her, then I can control her."" "I never thought that it had to come to this, but it comes to it." "And I've been on the streets since I was 8, so..." "You've been on the streets since you was 8?" "Yes, in Portland, Oregon." "I actually was born in Portland, Oregon, and I was a runaway, and I grew up around the pimps and stuff." "I was the little girl that'd go collect the money from the hos." "Right." "You know, so I've been around the game " "Was your mother a prostitute or something?" "Was your mother a prostitute or something?" "No, my mom just lost us." "She was mostly crazy." "Mm-hmm." "Couldn't deal with us." "And I never -- I don't like authority." "So you've been in this game for a while." "Yeah." "I know the streets." "Been in this game for a while." "You know the streets." "It's the streets." "It's just the streets, so..." "Did you need condoms?" "Yeah, please." "Okay." "I was just gonna tell her to unlock her door because I need some." "Okay." "Call me, you know?" "I will." "If I ride around " "If I ride around " "You know, I'll probably be around a little bit later tonight." "And I don't want to block anything from you, but would you mind having a little coffee with me or something?" "Yeah, that would be nice." "Okay." "I usually go down to pine valley and get some coffee." "These are great years." "These are great years in high school." "These are great years." "These are the years that you have a lot of friends, you have a lot of fun, you do a lot of crazy things, but you don't have to get serious in any way with relationships." "The only thing you should be serious about is your work " "Is your work and how to graduate." "That's the only serious thing you should be about." "When I come in here, I see boys." "They knock on the door 'cause they trying to get in, you know what I'm saying?" "You know?" "You know, they sniffing around the door right now, you know?" "I want you to learn different ways that you can express yourself, how you can tell a guy, with your own words," ""I don't want -- I'm not with that." "I'm just not ready yet."" "It really did happen, when a man got aggressive with me." "I was 11, and I was at my best friend's house." "And I was at her house, and I was at her house, and she invited her boyfriend over." "Like, my best friend was, like, older than me." "Mm-hmm." "She invited her boyfriend over, and I didn't know her boyfriend's big brother was coming, and I had a headache, and I was in her room, asleep, and the only thing I heard was the door close," "and he, like, talking to me, and I'm like, "who is you?" And stuff." "I don't know who he is." "Like, I saw him when he came in." "And I was screaming for my best friend, Brianna." "It happened, like, aggressively." "It happened, like, aggressively." "Mnh-mnh." "He raped me when I was 11." "And I never saw him again." "Did he get arrested?" "I didn't tell nobody." "I kept it to myself till I was like 15." "I just told my mom that day, and she was mad at me because she felt like I should have told her, because that's what happened to her when she was younger, and she didn't want it to recycle." "Right." "The same thing happened to me, but I was, like, a lot older than her." "I was like 14 when it happened to me." "I was like 14 when it happened to me." "Like, I was living with my parents." "That's the reason why I don't live with my parents no more " "Because they had a friend of the family that was living with us, and he raped me, like, every night." "And I told my mama and everything, but she didn't believe me, so I had to just leave from the house." "I'm finna cry, 'cause this is making me sad." "Okay." "I was 9 when I got raped..." "By my cousin." "He was 19, I was 9." "And I got raped." "He was 19, I was 9." "And I got raped." "And, uh, it was a party, new year's Eve " "You know how everybody get drunk." "And I was in the room asleep, and I was, like " "I was wondering what was coming towards me." "When I woke up, I started screaming, but nobody could hear me 'cause the music and stuff was loud." "He threatened to kill me." "He put a knife towards my throat and threatened to kill me, and I was 9." "Oh and I was 9, so..." "Um, I had told my cousin, I was like " "My cousin's like," ""what you mean?" "My son ain't gonna rape you." "Really?"" "Really?" "I was 9 years old." "I don't know how to have sex." "I don't know what sex is." "I don't know how to have sex." "I don't know what sex is." "Mm-hmm." "But how I feel it, it was hurtful." "And I was 9 years old." "My little sister was only 4 years old." "Even though it happened to me since I was like 9 to like 14," "I fought for it not to happen to her." "And it was hard because I'm young and my hands don't hurt them, but it does something." "Like, I done got beat so many times." "My face was so beat up." "Like, I had scars all over my body, you know, I got cut." "Like, I had scars all over my body, you know, I got cut." "I mean, I don't got " "There's a lot of stuff that happened to me to stop it from happening to my little sister." "Mm-hmm." "And just..." "'Cause I " " I don't like them being around boys at all." "Like, I don't even like them being around my mama's boyfriends." "I don't trust no male at all." "I don't." "And I used to be so jumpy young, and people used to always ask me why I was jumpy." "But I didn't ever want to say nothing because I didn't even want us to get taken away from my mama." "I wanted all of us to be together." "That's why I don't live with my mama to this very day, that's why I don't live with my mama to this very day, because after I done told her so many times every time it happened," "she ain't never did nothing about it." "And then -- all she did was cry, but, I mean, you shedding tears, but you not doing nothing about it." "Like, what was my point in telling you?" "So, I moved with my grandma, and my little sister and them still with my mama to this very day." "And I got over there to see them every day." "And I talk to them personally one-on-one and make sure ain't nobody doing nothing to them or nothing." "Like, I am so over-protective." "My little sister was only 4 years old my little sister was only 4 years old when they tried to touch her." "And I fought so hard 'cause I was 9." "I fought so hard for her." "Yes." "Yes, you did." "I didn't even know this was gonna come out, but I'm glad it did because, for many years " "I started getting molested at the age 4 or 5 years old." "I got molested most of my life." "It became normal for me." "And I too felt it was my fault." "And I too felt it was my fault." "I thought that there was something wrong with me, because I didn't think it happened to anybody else, right?" "The molestation was horrible." "But the most other horrible part is the people who didn't believe me when I told them." "Yes." "So it made me feel that I was dealing with that alone, and that in some way it was my fault." "But I'm here to tell each and every one of you today, it is not your fault." "Do you understand me?" "It is not your fault." "It is not your fault." "It is not your fault." "It is not your fault." "It is not your fault." "It is not your fault." "Do you understand me?" "That is not your fault." "I got too much going on." "Okay, okay, what you want me to do?" "It ain't nothing you can do." "It ain't nothing you can do." "I couldn't go to work this morning 'cause I was up all last night." "I wanted to call you this morning, but I was asleep, okay?" "Okay, um, latelle called -- You know, little latelle." "Right, right, right, right." "It didn't work out." "Right." "Her mom beat her up last night." "Her mom beat her up?" "Yeah." "Okay." "She didn't fight back 'cause I had told her," ""don't fight your mom back." Uh-huh." "And it was a good thing, 'cause her mom was actually trying to fight her to provoke her to fight her so that she could send her to jail." "You know what I mean?" "You know what I mean?" "And she didn't do it." "So that was a good thing." "Then I get a call last night from Jessica." "Okay." "Her boyfriend " "Her boyfriend beat her up pretty bad." "Fractured a couple things on her arm because she was using her hands and her arms to protect herself." "And she's a mess." "And then I got to go deal with temeka, 'cause temeka's aunt put her out last night because she came home late." "I mean " "Because she came home late." "I mean " "How old is temeka?" "Temeka is 15." "Yeah." "This is gonna be really good." "I-I love you, temeka, because you always be honest." "You always are upright, and you say what you got to say, what's on your mind." "I was staying with pimps, traps, hookers, wherever I had a place to lay my head." "I wasn't staying at home, you know, but..." "The cause of me doing it was for my rape incident, when I got raped." "Was for my rape incident, when I got raped." "You know, it was by a guy close to me, made me stop trusting people." "It made -- like, I -- It ain't make me do it," "I ain't make no excuses for my actions, but it was just like, that was the only thing I knew of to do." "Like, it wasn't, "ah, well, just go on with your life."" "No, I didn't have nobody to support me at all." "Like, I've been abused my life, beat by my mama, my daddy, you know?" "They said it was whuppings, but it wasn't." "And it was just like, I've been home to home, you know?" "And it was just like, I've been home to home, you know?" "I ain't really been in a stable place where I could lay my head, trust somebody, you know?" "And I'll never trust my mama." "So, why don't you like to sleep at your house?" "'Cause she make me not trust her." "She threatened my life several times." ""And no, I don't trust you." ""The reason why I'm in certain predicaments now" ""is because of you." ""Like, you don't think that what you do affects me, what you say out your mouth affects me, what you telling people affects me."" "Right." "I could put this on everything I love " "I could put this on everything I love " "If my mama died today, I would not cry," "I would not shed no tears." "I wouldn't even come to her funeral." "And if I do come to her funeral, I'm just gonna be sitting there." "Like, I'm not gonna go up there and read nothing," "I'm not gonna do nothing." "If it was up to me, she wouldn't be getting buried." "I'm at the door." "Tuesday, she went downtown, and then that was it." "Just sounded like she was under the influence of something, and crying." "Hello." "And then she calls me at midnight." "She still doesn't know where she is." "But she's out walking, so I-i don't know." "You went from doing pretty good to now you's chaos." "She's been texting a guy, an older guy." "He said how old he is -- 52." "So she's transacting her body." "So she's transacting her body." "She's having sex with this man for money." "Mm." "And then she's trying to recruit other girls to get on the Internet with her to work theirself." "We can't leave her on the street." "No, she has to be in school." "Right now she's in limbo." "Yeah." "That just eats me all up." "I'm like, "how?" I have my kids under control." "They was under my mind-set." "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm." "Now how you let some man get in your head?" "I understand, I'm a female." "I started -- once a girl start having sex, it's hard to stop, but, may my mother rest in peace, but, may my mother rest in peace," "I wasn't crazy 'cause she was hotter than Mississippi." "I tried running away one night." "Mnh-mnh, I paid for it when I got home." "Yeah." "She says she got closure from the rape, but she was all laughing with him and sitting in his lap, and I'm like..." "Mm-hmm." "...I'm like, "wow."" "You know, that can happen, but that don't stop when somebody " "I'm not saying it's still wrong for what it did, but, I mean, the beginning of the cycle " "You got to realize this man's over 20 years old." "What are you sitting in his lap for?" "But ask him why he letting her sit in his lap." "But ask him why he letting her sit in his lap." "And she a baby." "He kind of not right, either." "He has a disability, too." "He real not right." "And, see, you trying to raise a child, and a predator, a trafficker, a molester trying to take your baby away from you." "'Cause every time temeka go out there, she get involved with one of those guys, turn a trick, or she do something on them streets, it pulls her lower and lower." "It's like buzzards picking up at your flesh." "I wasn't selling pussy, but I ran away from a group home, and the girls I ran away with were associated with pimps in California." "I've always been like, "okay, I got to do it on my own." "You know, I got to feed myself."" ""Well, okay, we got a job for you." ""You're too young to be out there." "You go collect the money for me."" "You know what I'm saying?" "That's how they did it out on the west coast." "The hos would be on the corner, and instead of the pimps going and collect their money, or taking them off their post, or taking them off their post, they would send a child." "Yeah." "I'm tired." "I'm tired of laying with all these men, and I still need help." "Trust and believe, I still need help." "'Cause I struggle." "I struggle." "I struggle, and I always need help, and I'm not one to be like, "I don't need no help."" "No, I need help." "What is that one thing that I could possibly do, if I can do anything, for either one of you?" "What would that be?" "If I had my home and I had a car and I had a job, you know what I'm saying, that kept me occupied..." "You know what I'm saying, that kept me occupied..." "I want to be able to see my daughter, to say," ""you know what?" Hell yeah." ""Reach for that." "You cannot be what mama was."" "Yes, ma'am." ""I will not allow it."" "I can be talking to you for two or three years now, and you could still be doing the same thing, talking the same mess." "I'm gonna still be miss Brenda to you and help you wherever I can." "I have girls like that." "One girl, it took her actually three years, and she used to always think that I was finna judge her." "Yeah." "And I used to just crack up when she was telling me stuff." "And she said, "miss Brenda, you're the only one that don't judge me."" "And I said, "I can't judge you because I'm you." ""And you can always look in my eyes," ""and you can always look in my eyes, and look and my eyes, and it's gonna be okay now."" "And that's where -- Look at me." "I know." "You just touched my spirit, though." "I'm a very spiritual person." "You touched my spirit, so..." "It's gonna be okay." "You gave hope again." "And it's not gonna in 90 days, 100 -- ain't 100." "No, it's not -- no." "Pray and do this." "It's nothing that changes -- You can't change overnight." "You can't -- It doesn't happen overnight." "It doesn't." "But it's hard, too." "'Cause you have been here since you were 8 years old." "I don't expect that." "I don't expect that." "I expect you to know that I'm gonna be here for you" "I expect you to know that I'm gonna be here for you when you need me." "That's what I expect." "You understand what I'm saying?" "See, you know I'm five months pregnant." "It's the baby." "I'm been telling you." "You already don't know." "Mm." "You give hope, and that's what we need out here." "That's why I needed again." "Thank you." "Mm-hmm." "...up until the end of September, ...up until the end of September, that this will be posted outside of attendance office, as well in the cafeteria." "For those students that are listed on the perfect-attendance list will be invited to a small luncheon, as well as awards for the perfect-attendance students we all on the instruction team appreciate your attendance, and congratulations to those students," "and we will be looking forward to a luncheon shortly." "So be looking out for that information." "Hey, my love." "Hey, my love." "I may not be there when you want me, but I'm always on time." "You got to realize, I do several things in life." "The person that I have here today was a part of my life when I was in the streets." "In fact, my pimp and him were best friends." "I saw him turn his life completely around." "And as awful as he used to be, he is as good a person today." "And as awful as he used to be, he is as good a person today." "Good evening, young ladies and ladies." "My nickname was "fancy" when I was in the lifestyle." "I started out with a three-card Molly, and it escalated into the nightlife with women." "I'm quite sure some of you young ladies can identify with it now." "You can understand that child molestation you can understand that child molestation doesn't start just with females." "At the age of 9 years old, I was molested by my auntie, and we became lovers for many years." "So what that did was it gave me a distorted sense of what love was." "So I found it in the streets." "At the age of 17 years old," "I was finally introduced to my first prostitute." "She introduced me to the game, and from there, it took off." "But the molestation, it really gave me but the molestation, it really gave me a very distorted view -- Very distorted." "I also come from a dysfunctional family." "I used to watch my dad beat my mom up for many years as a little kid." "So, I wasn't confused by him beating her up." "What confused me was that she stayed." "So that gave this little boy the idea that," ""okay, if I beat up my girlfriend, it's okay," you know?" "It's okay," you know?" "When did you, like, realize that you didn't want to do it no more?" "Like, what made you say, "I'm done with this?"" "Okay." "One of my greatest fears as being a pimp was one day receiving a phone call from the police station or the morgue telling me to come down to identify one of my ladies from being killed by a trick." "Y'all know what a trick is, right?" "Yeah, them guys that they be getting in the cars with." "Hey, you know too much." "Yeah." "Okay." "Yeah." "Okay." "He's said, "yeah, you know too much."" "When you was pimping, did you ever get close to your women, or have you ever been in, like, in a relationship with one of them?" "They were all important." "Either get my money or suffer the consequences." "What kind of consequences?" "It could get physical." "I mean, from coat hangers to broomsticks." "Once you're in, you can't tell me when you're leaving." "You leave when I say you can leave." "You leave when I say you can leave." " Oh, wow." " Whoa." "Whoa." "Okay." "You'd better listen." "You'd better listen." "'Cause most abusers start out real sweet." "It's only later on that you find out that he's an abuser." "And once he starts, it's almost impossible to stop." "Homer's woman would be in the backseat." "I would be in the backseat." "The pimps would be in the front seat." "We would get slapped just for looking." "We would get slapped just for looking." "It was so much control and so hardcore, but it was the life that, you know, we were living and went through, and we thought that was cool." "That's right." "And then they beat you, you know?" "But emotionally, they mess you up." "Mm." "Because I used to have extension-cord marks all over my body, but they weren't as bad as what..." "The emotional scars." "...that which was said to me that I couldn't come from under." "...that which was said to me that I couldn't come from under." "Every day is a brainwash." "Do you, like, regret it all now?" "Um..." "I regret some of the decisions I may have made." "Do I regret my life?" "No." "I had a daughter." "Her name was China doll." "I pimped on her mother from the day she was conceived all the way up to her ninth month." "All the way up to her ninth month." "She's on the ho stroll -- That's what it's called " "This big, in the wintertime, with a short jacket on." "The more flesh you see, the better." "Anyway, my daughter was born with bronchial pneumonia." "She couldn't breathe." "She had a breathing disorder because of her mother being in the streets throughout the whole pregnancy, and my daughter died nine months later after she was born, because of this disease and the lifestyle." "Because of this disease and the lifestyle." "Being a little boy was very frightening, so I found my own means of escape." "And I guess that's probably what helped spawn and I guess that's probably what helped spawn the alter ego along the way, getting outside of me." "I didn't have to deal with me." "You know, I let my alter ego deal with that." "Yeah, a lot of damaged goods." "And who was the alter ego?" "Fancy." "And what was he like?" "He was the total opposite of homer." "He was the total opposite of homer." "He wasn't loving and caring." "Driven by greed." "Eventually turned into a drug addict." "Do you have any idea why your dad was so angry?" "Do you know why?" "No, I don't." "No, I really don't." "Never really asked him." "I got a chance to meet my grandparents." "They were pretty angry people themselves, they were pretty angry people themselves, so he became a product of what they were." "And by them living in a rural area, in the country of Mississippi, he didn't have the opportunities to do the things that the big city offered me or he probably would have went the same route I did or worse." "To say when the violence would occur " "It occurred when it occurred." "At any given moment, the house could go up." "And then, with her not leaving, it only solidified that," ""okay, this might be the way it works."" ""Okay, this might be the way it works."" "My whole idea was," ""the sooner I can get out of here, the better."" "And when I say "out of here,"" "I mean this exact home where we at right now." "I wanted out of here." "It was not beautiful to me." "All I knew was, I wanted to escape." "I didn't wake up one day saying I wanted to be a pimp." "That's not what happened." "I never was one for guns and things like that." "But, of course, I became a criminal, but, of course, I became a criminal, short-con player and pimping." "That's because most of my life, that's what I spent my life in, the pimp game." "But in the beginning, you have to understand," "I had no I-- not a clue, not an idea that I would cause this much pain." "I thought it would be something real cool." "And time went on, it became business, serious business." "Fortunately, I've never been to prison." "I don't really even have a jail record." "And that's probably why I chose it." "And that's probably why I chose it." "But then some people can adapt to jail." "I don't like a lot of confinement." "I don't like someone telling me when I have to get up, lay down, eat." "No." "And because I had a way with the women " "I can't explain what it was." "I'm not the most handsomest guy in the world." "But, you know, I was always able to connect " "Listen, and then talk." "Because I was vulnerable, very." "Because I was vulnerable, very." "Now, him, on the other hand..." "I don't " " I'm not sure if he really understands how much damage he actually caused through his violence." "Pimping ain't' no life." "No life in that." "I-it's like the streets, there's no end." "I remember one day me and my father" "I remember one day me and my father having a conversation." "I said, "pops, let me ask you something." "How do you really feel about what I do?"" "And I didn't stop at the time, but it did have an impact on my life." "I asked him how did he feel, 'cause I thought, you know, with us both being men, that this would be the coolest thing in the world." "You know, I got more than one woman," "I can do what I want." "But his answer was totally opposite of what I expected." "He told me, "son, how do you think I feel?"" "What about you, mother?" "How do you feel about your son there?" "Mm, I feel better about him, yeah." "I would feel much better if he'd really give hisself to god." "Yeah, that would really be amazing." "Hello?" "Is temeka -- Is she coming out?" "Tell her to bring her so-so self on." "You so old." "You an old lady." "I ain't about to go back to cook for her." "I think if I would have never had you," "I think I'd still be on the streets right now" "I think I'd still be on the streets right now" "I know -- like, I couldn't say, "I think." I know I would." "We were talking about your mom being very verbally abusive to you." "Did that slacken up?" "Her only thing is abuse, like, a whupping." "Like, that's what the first conclusion come to." "No, that's not all it's about." "I didn't learn from no whupping." "Like, I'm -- a whupping make me want to do it again." "Like, for real, think in the child's mind you whup Jeremy, he gonna do it right again." "Like, he just gonna go back and do it." "Like, he just gonna go back and do it." "You got to talk, like, it's not about whupping." "'Cause I feel like any time my mama hit me," "I'm gonna feel that as abuse because all this gonna go back into the past." "Okay." "All this gonna go back to when I had to get stitches right here." "Like, I have a mark because of my mom." "Like, she don't realize that." "So, every time she hit me, I think about that." "I don't try to, but that's all I think about." "What happened with that mark?" "She hit me with a brush, and I had to get stitches." "My head opened." "My head opened." "Saturday and Friday," "I was just thinking about everything in my past and you was thinking about going back?" "Yeah." "To prostitution?" "Yeah." "To your old lifestyle, maybe your old people, right?" "Yeah." "It's not gonna make it better." "It's not gonna make it better." "It's gonna make it worse." "You know what I'm saying?" "Anytime you go back, it always gets worse." "Don't go back." "Let's go forward, okay?" "When you feel like that, give me a call." "When you feel like that, give me a call." "Hello?" "Hi, temeka." " Can you hold on one minute?" " Hold on, one second, one second." "You're -- Temeka, temeka." "Your mother keeps putting you out." "What are you gonna do about that?" "What are you gonna do about that?" "I've called a lot of places for you that I thought would be, you know, workable for you." "I'm pregnant, and I can't go there." "Oh, my -- You're pregnant?" "Yes." "Okay." "So you had unprotected sex with your boyfriend, right?" "Yes." "And you know you're pregnant, right?" "Yeah, I know for sure." "Um, I had morning sickness yesterday." "Yeah, I know for sure." "Um, I had morning sickness yesterday." "Well, that just opens up a whole new can of worms, sweetie." "I need to go to the doctor sometime on Friday." "She probably did this on purpose." "She wanted to get pregnant." "But she doesn't want to do is, she doesn't want anyone but she doesn't want to do is, she doesn't want anyone to know who this guy is because he's grown." "He's much older than her." "And she's only 15 years old, and he's already convinced her not to tell anybody 'cause he knows he'll get in trouble." "He knows this." "So, that's just the way it is, you know." "It's unfortunate that life is like that and there are men out there who don't care about getting 15-year-old girls pregnant, you know, no matter how much they see them hurting, 'cause anyone could tell that this girl is hurt." "But I knew that if temeka didn't get any love, but I knew that if temeka didn't get any love, she was gonna create some love, and she has." "She's created her own love, so..." "That's just what girls do." "I did it, so I know what it means, so there you have it." "All right, let's go, guys." "Right now, let's go." "No, Brendan, that's bleeding." " Get the ball!" " Get that ball!" "Get the ball!" "Get the ball!" "Get that ball!" "Get that ball!" "Where you going?" "Get that ball!" "No ball." "Watch the ball!" "Get the ball!" "Get 'em, jer!" "Go, boy!" "Get the ball!" "Get the ball!" "Yay!" "There you go." "Watch the ball." "Get the ball!" "Get that ball!" "Get that ball!" "Good job, 32." "Good job watching the ball." "Good job watching the ball." "Touchdown!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "What that do?" "What's our name?" "What?" "What?" "What's his name?" "What?" "What?" "What?" "What?" "What's his name, huh?" "This will be the eighth play of this drive." "And he takes it away!" "And he takes it away!" "I can't allow this." "Can't run." "I can't allow this." "This is a hail Mary." "The offense heads to the line for the seventh play of the drive." "Looking for right side and throwing." "Aah!" "Aah!" "That's a touchdown." "Boy, that is something to watch, isn't it?" "A hail Mary pass..." "Hey, who was your first mommy?" "Melody." "Mm-hmm." "Who took care of you?" "Who took care of you?" "Who, you?" "Right." "So you got two mommies, right?" "Which mommy you like the best?" "No, I'm just kidding." "You." "Since I got a game here, so that got to be you." "I'm serious." ""Since I got a game."" "When Jeremy first got with us, he just was in a trance, until the guy who transport the children until the guy who transport the children drives up in front of the door." "Jeremy ran and hid in the closet, right?" "I didn't know the -- I didn't know him much " "You know, I hadn't had a lot of experience with Jeremy." "So I'm looking for Jeremy, and he's in the closet, crying." "And I said, "what's wrong?" "What's wrong?"" "And he kept pointing at the man, the man." "The man had transported him from placement to placement, and he thought the man came there to take him away again." "And I remember grabbing that kid and saying to him, and I remember grabbing that kid and saying to him," ""no, no, no." "Nobody's gonna take you anywhere." ""You will never leave again." ""You don't ever -- you will " "No one will ever take you again, anywhere."" "And that's when I made my decision that he was mine." "It ain't easy." "You had a lot of stuff happen to you in your life." "I have." "Okay?" "I know." "You've told me." "Mm-hmm." "You said you used to get beat for anything." "Yeah." "You know, and that you could not stand nobody to get no whupping " "You couldn't even stand to see -- you can't do it." "You know what I mean?" "I couldn't." "That's why I don't like my kids to get whupped." "No." "And that's a beautiful thing, you know what I'm saying?" "And that's a beautiful thing, you know what I'm saying?" "Yeah, that's true." "But you told me, you said, "I got beat all the time."" "You know what I'm saying?" "And that let me know that somebody tried to beat all the beauty out of you, beat all the life out of you, because you got something in you, you know what I'm saying?" "Yeah, my father was a policeman growing up." "And basically, we had a good life, except for..." "Well, you know, like he said, well, you know, like he said, when he was going through whatever he was going through at the time but basically, it was okay." "He would beat y'all?" "Would he beat your mother?" "Yeah, he used to fight my mother." "So you saw that." "Yeah, he did." "Uh, one day, I went to try to help her out." "I think I was like 15." "Mm-hmm." "I ran in." "I heard them hollering." "And I ran in in the room, I said, "leave me mother alone!"" "And he picked me up and threw me over the television set." "Mm!" "Now, that was rough." "But I'd prefer him " "But I'd prefer him " "At least that stopped him from doing that to her and got him off of her then onto me." "But that was all he did, and then he left out the door." "And then..." "You said that was all he did, but wasn't that enough?" "Yeah." "See, we, sometimes -- I hear " " I hear you talking," ""but that's all he did," and that was enough." "We make excuses for people who do things to us because we love them." "Yeah." "When we love somebody, we make excuses for what they do, you know what I'm saying?" "For what they do, you know what I'm saying?" "You make excuses for my brother, right?" "Mm-hmm." "And there's no excuse." "You understand what I'm saying?" "Mm-hmm." "I feel you." "I know." "It's not easy." "Yeah, it was rough." "I had it pretty rough." "You know?" "Yep." "I left home when I was 17." "Been on my own ever since." "But I stayed in school." "I did do that." "I stayed in school no matter what." "I stayed in school no matter what." "Mm-hmm." "Yep." "♪ I appreciate life, I'm so glad that I'm alive ♪" "♪ So I like what I see when I'm lookin' at me ♪" "♪ When I'm Walkin' past the mirror ♪" "I need y'all to come on with me!" "♪ So I like what I see when I'm lookin' at me ♪" "♪ When I'm Walkin' past the mirror ♪" "Yeah." "Hey." "Y'all don't understand how to get the party poppin'." "This is my daughter Dr. Ruth vassell, this is my daughter Dr. Ruth vassell, and she'll tell you more about herself." "She's a psychologist for adolescents." "What I'm here to do today is just I want to talk to y'all." "Whatever y'all want to talk about, whatever questions you all have about the discussion that you had with my mother a few weeks ago, just about molestation and sexual abuse." "And then my mom also told me you all had questions for me in regards to just, I guess, you know, having her as my mom, so..." "Well, you know, she said you guys had questions well, you know, she said you guys had questions that you might have wanted to ask me about how that was, or some experience that me and my sister" "may have gone through growing up." "So I'll open the floor first with the questions, and I'll tell you a little more." "Yes." "Um, how did you feel when she told you she was a prostitute?" "We always knew that, actually." "There was a lot of different traumas that happened to us." "You know, we were -- My grandmother " "My mother, you know, she was, of course, out on the street." "And so my grandmother died when I was like 4, so at that point, so at that point, we were just kind of put with everybody." "We had a lot of strings of people that we lived with, like babysitters, my grandfather, and, you know, just, you know, left with a few different people in our lives." "And, of course, you know, through that process," "I was sexually abused a couple times through that process of, you know, being with different family members who took advantage of that situation." "And there were nights that we didn't have any food, barely had any clothes " "You know, infested with, like, rats and roaches and different things like that." "Se we went through a lot of different " "Our own little different traumas our own little different traumas as a kid, waiting for her." "How -- how you deal, really actually deal with that life?" "When I looked at her, I thought, "okay, she's here with us now." ""She's smiling." "The drugs are not here, so she loves us."" "But then I knew when she went on the street, that was her drugs, that's why we didn't hear from her, that's why she kind of was out there for all those years and things like that." "And I think that's what we always understood, that it was my mother under the influence of drugs, under the influence of pain, under the influence of all the things that would happen to her as a child." "That would happen to her as a child." "My mama did some things that she regret, and to this very day, I still take it out on her, so I don't actually talk to her at all." "Like, I moved out and everything." "Like, I don't have no communication with her." "I don't want none." " Can I say something?" " Sure." "When I told you, like, at one time I was gone and they didn't hear from me for like 12 years, right?" "I used to call the house, and I wouldn't say anything." "I would just breathe on the phone." "They would say stuff like, "we're praying for you." "They would say stuff like, "we're praying for you." "We pray for you every night."" "And I was out in my madness, and that right there would keep me alive, because they didn't say, "I hate you."" "They didn't say, "I don't want to talk to you."" "They kept saying," ""hey, is this -- Mom, is this you?" "We pray for you every night."" "And that made me say," ""my daughters are praying for me."" "And I remember I used to get off the phone, and I used to look around at the people that I was hanging with." "I was saying, "my daughters are praying for me,"" "I was saying, "my daughters are praying for me,"" "you know?" "The shame kept me away." "All the stuff that happened to me when I was young," "I was running from it, and in the process, I ran from them." "The last time that I saw them, I abandoned them." "I abandoned them." "You know what I mean?" "I mean, straight abandoned my kids." "And I couldn't live with myself." "So, what's up?" "Nothing good at all." "My brother's been missing for a whole week." "He's 15." "And he's got learning disabilities, he don't got it all, so he's easily influenced to do..." "He's, like, a follower " "Anything that'll make him think he got cool points or friends, anything that'll make him think he got cool points or friends, he'll go do it." "And the police and everything looking for him." "But I'm the reason why he did that, 'cause he kind of sort of look up to me and I ran away and all that stuff before." "And it seems like he doing everything that I used to do." "I can't sleep, I can't think, 'cause it hurts 'cause we were so close." "And he asked me, he said, "I don't want to be at home," ""and I don't want to be at this school." ""And I don't want to be at this school." "Can I come stay with you?"" "And I'm staying with a boyfriend of mine's all the way out west." "Oh." "So, I'm like, "you feel me?" "I'm not trying to take you from mom and them." ""I don't want them to think." ""I'm just letting you do whatever." ""So you got to stay there." ""Besides, she needs your help since I'm not there." "She got babies to raise." I would go around there and just put a message out in the hood, right?" "Yeah, we did that." "No, no, you, 'cause he close to you." ""Tell my brother I said," ""tell my brother I said, 'if you see him, tell him, come on home to me." "I got him." "He can stay with me.'"" "now my family looking at me like I'm the bad person." "No, you're not the bad person." "And your mama can't put that on you." "At that point and at that time, you'd have done the best you could have done." "In fact, you might have tried to take on the whole family if you could, but you don't have it, you know what I mean?" "You're barely surviving yourself, so how is that your fault?" "Because you don't have -- 'cause you're not surviving?" "You're a child being put in adult situations you're a child being put in adult situations and given more responsibility than you should ever have right now." "It's not you." "I think he'll come home to you." "You told me that you had dropped out of school, and now you're back." "'Cause you want something." "You're hungry for education." "But you got so much -- All this stuff, you know, getting throwed at you." "But what I would like for you to do right now is try to get here every Tuesday." "Can you do that?" "What's it gonna be?" "I'm gonna do it." "Huh?" "I'm gonna do it." "It's not your fault." "Everything seems to be your fault, don't it?" "It's not." "You ain't been on the planet long enough to have to deal with all that." "♪ Right to them ♪" "♪ Here I come, Walkin' down the street ♪" "Here I come, y'all." "Mama!" "Will you please come on?" "Melody, come on in here!" "Melody, come on in here!" "Melody, why don't you bring your ass over?" "Give me one minute." "That's all I ask." "Okay." "Melody, bring your ass on out of there!" "Here I come." "Get your motherfucking ass up out here." "Okay!" "Get on in there!" "What you want me to do?" "Bring your motherfucking ass out." "Bring your motherfucking ass out." "That's why I knew I shouldn't have told you..." "You take care of your end, I know how to take care of my end." "Sheesh!" "Can I get up and get my shoes on and get out the house?" "Whew!" "Whoa, whoa." "Open the door." "Punky!" "Open the door!" "Get her." "You can't get in, boy?" "Brenda, this is beautiful." "Well, thank you, punky." "This is Jeremy." "He got a -- this is his " "He sleeps here 'cause he wants to." "He's got another room upstairs." "He just won't " "He doesn't want to sleep upstairs." "He wants to be down here." "That's why he's in, you know, here with my stuff." "'Cause this was a futon, right?" "And he wants -- He's got a twin bed, then he's got a double-Decker bed." "Then he's got a double-Decker bed." "Either one of those rooms, he could have, but he wants to sleep down here in this bed," "I guess 'cause he's close to us, you know what I'm saying?" "So -- no, don't hang that up in there." "I'll get that." "Don't worry." "You just have a seat and talk to me, okay?" "'Cause this is our lady time." "This is our girl talk, okay?" "When he was in my stomach, it was, like, a connection." "Mm-hmm." "But I just knew I wanted my child with you." "No matter where or when or what, he would always be..." "No matter where or when or what, he would always be..." "In the most delicate hands." "That's to say, I wouldn't have to worry." "You know how a mother worries about her child, what he's doing?" "Mm-hmm." "I didn't have to worry about that with you you because in my heart," "I knew you had -- You had him." "I knew that." "I knew that." "Even though, you know, I wanted my son with me i knew you would be better with him because..." "I -- you know..." "I-I didn't want " " I didn't want it to be standstill, even though I wanted him bad." "Even though I wanted him bad." "I really did." "I know you wanted it, melody." "I knew you wanted it " "But I couldn't cope with him" "I wanted you to have it because I've been where you are, and I know how it is to want something, and you can't, and it's so hard to get it, and..." "When..." "I just know how you feel." "I know." "A-a-and I knew..." "A-a-and I knew..." "And I just knew -- I knew my baby..." "Was going to be..." "Well..." "Provided for and loved." "You know..." "I knew it." "And I treasure you for that." "Listen, melody." "One thing I can tell you is, I know how it feels to be locked in something and not be with your kids." "You got so much stuff on top of the beauty inside of you, you got so much stuff on top of the beauty inside of you, but I see through that stuff." "I see how you beautiful you are on the inside, you know what I mean?" "And that's the melody I want to flow and be out there, you know what I'm saying?" "You notice I love to come around there when you're not high, and you and I laugh and we talk and we have " "You know, we understand each other, you know what I'm saying?" "Because no matter what you think," "I can never judge you, 'cause I was there too." "But I know that there's a beautiful woman inside of there that's just dying to come out." "Inside of there that's just dying to come out." "Yeah, she's sure dying to come out." "And, you know, any time you're ready, I'm ready." "I'm ready to help you walk through it." "I know." "You told me that." "And you always held my hand, but I always took my hand back." "I wasn't ready." "I " " I -- and I'm still not ready." "There's hardly no more chicken left." "Jeremy." "Mwah!" "♪ I love my little hunky punky ♪" "♪ I love my little hunky punky ♪" "♪ Yes, I do ♪" "♪ What about you, you, you ♪" "♪ Hunky punky, number one ♪" "Huh?" "Yeah." "The young lady, Maria..." "She called me, and she was crying, and she said, "I can't do it." "I'm ready to go in."" "So I'm going to go get her now, because she said she smoked some crack cocaine." "Because she said she smoked some crack cocaine." "And she's pregnant, remember." "So I had to leave my job and go get her." "This is it." "What happened?" "Well, you know me and Chloe have been working, off the Internet, and it just takes a toll on you." "After a while, it's just, like, I'm tired of turning dates, and it doesn't seem like anything can go right, anything." "Like, I save up to get a place," "I have saved up to get an apartment, and the dude was willing to work with me, you know, and the dude was willing to work with me, you know, give him $200 a day until I got the $1,400 for him." "I'm just like -- I can't do it no more, though." "I can't." "I'm tired." "I get sick when I go there and turn these dates." "And my baby doesn't like it." "Mm-hmm." "It's just like -- I can't do it." "Aw." "I can't do it." "I miss my daughter more than anything." "And it's hard because I did two and a half years away from her, and to come home and to be in her life and then " "And to come home and to be in her life and then " "Because her dad was so fucking brutal to me," "I just -- I had to leave." "And..." "And I just relapsed last night." "I was doing good, like, doing really good." "And it just took a toll on me." "And I went to go see a friend, and I was smoking weed, and I already was using crack before I got pregnant, so it wasn't like " "You know, it was there, and we got high." "You know, it was there, and we got high." "Wow." "I just kept getting high until I puked." "I always come up with an excuse to keep on working, and I'm just tired of it." "I can't work anymore." "I knew once I saw you." "I told everybody." "I said, "she ready," 'cause I saw it in your eyes, even though you tough, you strong, you all of that, you know what I'm saying?" "You can kind of hide it, be all, you know, thuggish in the street and everything like that, but in the inside, you ready to stop." "But in the inside, you ready to stop." "I am." "I'm ready on the outside." "It's like I look at my body, and I'm almost six months pregnant." "I'm like, "how?" "How?" You know what I'm saying?" "I don't want to hurt my baby anymore." "And when I turn these tricks, I get sick." "Like, he knows." "Like, does he know that it's not his dad, you know what I'm saying?" "Does he know this is not right?" "Does he know?" "And then these tricks are starting to ask me," ""are you expecting?"" "Well, I've got a bed waiting for you." "Okay." "Everything's all taken care of." "Everything's all taken care of." "We don't even have to stop." "We have to go straight up to the second floor." "She told me to bring you straight up to the second floor because that's how I get down." "And you're gonna be okay, but you got to stay." "Get your detox." "They have a program up there." "We don't know what will be next, but we'll work it out." "Just take the day -- Just for today right now, okay?" "Hey!" "How y'all Doin' today?" "Good!" "What up, what up, what up?" "Wake up, wake up." "Y'all know I like all of that." "I got good news!" "Good news." "My brother came home." ""My brother came home!"" "Everybody, say it!" "My brother came home!" "My brother came home!" "'Cause that's good for you." "Yes, give me some good news." "I like good news." "I'm pumped up." "I've been to school two days in a row." "I like good news." "I'm pumped up." "I've been to school two days in a row." "Whoa, that's real good news!" "Somebody -- somebody -- Somebody -- yeah, baby!" "I guess y'all kind of wonder who this lady is, right?" "Yes." "This lady right here used to be my wife-in-law." "We had the same pimp." "Wow." "Pbht." "Whoa." "Bust that one down." "Sometime in December, I'm gonna have surgery." "They're gonna give me new knees." "They're gonna replace my knees so that I can get around better, they're gonna replace my knees so that I can get around better, 'cause I'm having a total hard time getting around." "And so I'll be out for a while." "While I'm gone, miss Reed will be coming to see you, okay?" "No." "For real?" "Come on, for real?" "No." "For real?" "Come on, for real?" "That's cardboard, ain't it?" "Ha ha." "Now what?" "Let me see!" "How many guys like you out here?" "'Cause y'all look just alike." "You so pretty." "Now, that's your brother?" "What's his name?" "Jeremiah." "Jeremiah." "And your name is?" "Huh?" "I'm Terrance." "Terrance." "Hey, Terrance." "You're handsome." "Stop that, boy!" "Say, "hey!"" "Hey!" "Anybody -- I don't care who you are " "Anybody -- I don't care who you are " "Anybody would need help with all these children." "Yeah, I know." "And you don't have any help." "And that's how we found sharita, 'cause she wasn't going to school, and we're gonna make sure that we help you, okay?" "Okay." "What's up with you?" "Why you looking so mean?" "Nothing." " I'm always like that." " You're always like that?" "Just -- just call me em, you know?" "Huh?" "Just call me eminem." "They call you eminem?" "They call you eminem?" "Okay." "I just don't hug." "No, no, no." "I respect that." "I respect that, okay?" "Me and you cool, okay?" "All right." "I just wanted to know was you okay, all right?" "You're a smart young man." "You ain't crazy, are you?" "No, I'm not crazy." "You see what's going on out there in the streets, don't you?" "Yeah." "You don't want that to happen to you, do you?" "No." "Now, you can do the right thing, which ain't popular, or you can do the wrong thing, like my son did." "Or you can do the wrong thing, like my son did." "See, he wanted to be slick, sell drugs." "They gave him 42 years." "You can't even hang with that crowd." "You can't even be with them." "Listen to this." "Listen to this." "You don't know me, I don't know you, right?" "You can tell me whatever you want to tell me." "But guess what." "What I'm telling you is fact." "It's gonna happen." "If you stay out there in them streets, trouble's gonna find you, whether you're looking for it or not, and you're gonna be sitting back in jail." "Talkin' 'bout, "I didn't do nothing."" "You don't have to do nothing." "You was out there." "Everything I get," "I get so I can get stuff for my sisters and brothers 'cause I know my mama can't do it." "Now that you said that, let me ask you something " "Do you steal?" "Do I steal what?" "Stuff." "Unh-unh." "You don't?" "Mnh-mnh." "Okay, I need to ask you that, 'cause I'm real." "You know miss Brenda." "I'm gonna ask you." "Yeah, I know, but I don't." "Yeah, I know, but I don't." "Okay, if you need something, you know that you can call and ask us, right?" "You hear me?" "Yeah." "If you're hungry, okay, if you need some things, right, let me know, okay?" "Guess what, I got you." "You hear me?" "Yeah." "Things that you might have been doing to survive " "That's what I want to help you do, okay?" "And like I said, I want you to know I got your back." "And the reason I asked, "did you steal" " "Not somebody said that you steal, right?" "If you don't do one thing, you do the other." "You understand what I'm saying?" "You understand what I'm saying?" "So I'm asking, "how do you survive?"" "I want to make sure that you don't have to do that, okay?" "'Cause if I was hungry, I would steal." "And I know that we have to do some things, you know, in order to survive." "You don't have to do that, okay?" "We want you to be a part of dreamcatcher." "We want you to be a dreamcatcher girl." "Okay?" "If you know somebody got your back, you'll make it." "Yeah." "Sharita's 17 years old, and I wanted to know who she was staying with." "I know I was gonna have to come down here and body-slam you put my foo fops on you." "But you seem like a caring person." "Yeah, I am, though." "Mm-hmm." "And you care about sharita, right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "He the type of person that'll try to do everything he can to make sure that we eat every single night." "He take up for me." "When something wrong with me, he know." "He gonna keep asking me, and to actually tell him what's wrong with me, 'cause that's what he do." "She brace me up when I be down at times, so that's how I know." "See what I'm saying?" "I've been hearing a lot about y'all." "That's all she talk about is y'all, though." "Uh-huh?" "She talk about the dreamcatcher foundation a lot and me and what we do and everything like that?" "Yeah." "And everything like that?" "Yeah." "Well, that's good." "I wish I had something like that coming up, though." "For yourself, huh?" "Yeah." "Well, you know what?" "You deserve to be happy." "Yeah, playa." "Yeah, playa." "We got some real pimp shit right here." "These bitches is outta line, man these bitches is outta line, man what's the matter, dawg, you can't control your bitches?" "♪ I got bitches all in my game ♪" "♪ That don't even know my name ♪" "♪ Then pump your brakes, you hos ♪" "Bitch!" "♪ You could talk all day behind my back ♪" "♪ But won't say shit in my face ♪" "♪ Then pump your brakes, you hos ♪" "Bitch!" "♪ You are the one, you are the one ♪" "♪ You are the one, you are the one ♪" "♪ You are the one, you are the one ♪" "♪ You are the one, ooh ♪" "♪ You are sexy, sexy, sexy ♪" "♪ You're so sexy, sexy ♪" "♪ You are the one, you are the one ♪" "♪ You are the one, you are the one ♪" "♪ You are the one, ooh-ooh ♪" "♪ You are so sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy ♪" "I understand you, and I've got your " "You know, I got your back." "You still look good to me, okay?" "'Cause I know -- no, no, no." "Not to me." "No, I know, and that's most important, that it does to you, 'cause you forgot, when I came around, 'cause you forgot, when I came around," "I had no face." "Okay." "I lost my whole face, homer." "I sure want my grill, man." "Yeah, you're gonna get it back." "You're gonna get it, and it's gonna be lovely, you know what I'm saying?" "Especially on that chocolate, pretty skin, you're gonna have all that white " "All them white teeth in there." "You're gonna be -- Shoot, it's gonna be..." "You know, and it's affecting my weight, everything, 'cause I can't chew like I want, you know what I mean?" "Yeah." "Mm-hmm." "When I asked him to come here with me today," "When I asked him to come here with me today," "I brought him here -- 'cause I don't want to offend anybody, but because we need the information, people." "We need this information." "We don't need to get angry about anything today." "We don't need to get upset." "But what we need is the information to learn how to fight human trafficking." "We don't need to get caught up about nothing." "I started at the age of 16 years old." "Older women were attracted to me, so they gave me money, and that told me that I had some power." "And I think all of us want some power." "And I think all of us want some power." "I haven't used any drugs or pimped on a woman in 13 years." "I think that deserves a handclap." "We got to have people to give us information about this." " Am I right?" " Yeah." "So you guys got to be open-minded to the tools that are available to you." "I use homer for -- And I do use homer, but I use him for the good, you know what I mean?" "Isn't it ironic how life can change and go around?" "Isn't it ironic how life can change and go around?" "Homer used to ride with my pimp, and they used to pimp." "Now I -- look, look, homer work for me." "Ha ha!" "Homer, basically, we all were animals out there at one time." "I was animalistic also, the way that I treated the Johns, you know what I'm saying, the way that I went after people, because I preyed." "I preyed on young girls in order to please somebody else, you know what I'm saying?" "And I remember, one time, I had copped a girl for " "My guy at that time was coolie, and I had copped a girl for him my guy at that time was coolie, and I had copped a girl for him and brought her home -- Young girl, young girl," "about 14 years old." "She looked just like me." "He was in the bed with her, right?" "And usually, I would join in on the little fatalities and stuff like that, but I didn't." "I sat in the living room, and I smoked a joint, right?" "And when she came out," "I was looking at her rolling her eyes, not 'cause I was jealous " "Because it was like he had did me in there, and I was a baby." "There were other times in there it was no problem for me doing it, you know what I'm saying?" "That's when you were numb." "That's when you were numb." "There were times when I did it straight out of spite " "Better her than me." "Hm." "So, that's how you become the victimizer you become, 'cause it's the only way to survive out there." "You cannot survive out there and only be the victim." "I promise you." "There we go." "I've been going through some emotions lately, and I really am, uh..." "Kind of, like..." "Kind of, like..." "I'm an emotional person, but I'm kind of emotional about this surgery, about not being with my family, about not doing my outreach, what my girls are gonna do while I'm down." "I'm hoping that I prepared them well enough that they can be okay until I get well, and that's why I'm hoping that everything's gonna be okay." "And even with 16 years out of the lifestyle, almost 17 years," "I still get emotional, and I get, um sometimes, these anxiety attacks, you know?" "Especially after I've seen a lot of clients," "I can kind of..." "I can kind of..." "'Cause sometimes people think that, you know, you dress up, you look well, you make it to everything that you need to make it to, but they don't know how you're feeling on the inside." "It takes a lot of work to continue to maintain trauma, the stuff that you've been through, the stuff that you've been through, and just because I work with girls doesn't mean that I don't have my own days." "I do have my own days." "And in the last couple days," "I've been having a few -- A few moments." "Two more." "Come on!" "Two more!" "Two more!" "Two more!" "Uh-huh." "And somebody -- Two more's in there!" "Oh, she don't work." "She good." "Come on, three south." "Line up!" "I got business!" "I got business!" "I used to think for a long time that because I wasn't standing on the corners, that I wasn't a prostitute." "I was " " I've been living on the street since I was 11." "I'm 20 now." "What is a child to do at 11?" "You know, I'm a child." "I don't have no guidance, no help." "I don't have no guidance, no help." "At the age of 11, I was sexually molested a lot." "I was molested to the point that I thought it was okay." "My mother wasn't always in my life." "There was times that I would go without seeing my mother." "Mm-hmm." "We slept in cars." "We slept in abandoned buildings." "I remember when I was in fourth grade, my mother sold me and my little sister to the drug dealers." "My mother sold me and my little sister to the drug dealers." "Mm." "When I was in 4th grade," "I used to get beat for no reason." "He would tie me by my hands and my feet across the bed." "The drug dealer?" "Mm." "And he would beat me for no reason." "I tried to run away and found my way back to Chicago." "I was living in Milwaukee then." "I would always get caught, and he would beat me bloody." "I would always get caught, and he would beat me bloody." "This was not a place for nobody." "I hurt." "And you were so courageous." "I mean, you asked for help." "You did." "You said, "miss Brenda, I need some help."" "I'm here to help you." "I'm gonna help your little sister." "Thank you so much." "'Cause I ask for help all the time, and people just look at me, "okay, we're gonna help you,"" "and people just look at me, "okay, we're gonna help you,"" "and I never hear from them again." "Every time I look at you, I'm gonna cry." "You are just such a..." "Thank you so much." "I was being raised out in the street," "I did just about everything that I can do, and some of the things that I didn't want to do," " I had to do." " Right." " I had to do." " Right." "You know, sleeping in abandoned buildings, and eating out of garbage cans " "I've done that." "Drugs, alcohol, you know, played a part in my life." "Was there anybody who was abusing you or Kayla or dianah at that time?" "Yeah, at one point, we had an issue where dianah " "A gentleman friend of mine was supposed to have abused her." "A gentleman friend of mine was supposed to have abused her." "Mm-hmm." "You said, "supposed to have"?" "I said that, yeah." "Do you believe that he did it?" "To be honest with you, I really don't know." "Why?" "Do you believe your daughter?" "I believe my daughter." "I believe my daughter." "Good." "That's what you're supposed to do." "You're supposed to believe your baby." "Right." "Mm-hmm." "So, uh, yeah." "I know how it was when I was out here, and if I had told somebody, if they would have believed me." "And if I had told somebody, if they would have believed me." "I didn't tell nobody." "Right." "I kept all my stuff within myself." "Mm-hmm." "And I've dealt with..." "Things the best way I could." "I'm here to open the door to let you know you have assistance." "You have support." "Okay?" "Okay." "You have support now." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "She's coming." "She's coming." "She's coming back, mom." "Stephanie, I'm already rolling." "I've got three interventions lined up, and I just need to call you to hear your voice." "You know I can't do stuff without you." "Did you get some rest?" "When other people are in their bed asleep on a Sunday " "My husband and my son just went to breakfast " "My husband and my son just went to breakfast " "I'm doing interventions." "The trees are gorgeous." "What trees?" "By my house." "Oh." "What, the fall?" "The orange?" "Oh, my god, they gorgeous." "I feel better." "Like, when they told me that you were coming to see me today, I was like," ""thank god, oh, my god,"" "'cause I've been having it hard." "Like, I was like, I don't " "It was like a fresh breath of air again." "And I'm gonna be around, but I'm not gonna be there all the time, but I'm not gonna be there all the time, because I need you to get strong enough to take care of Marie." "Myself." "This is what I'm focused on." "I'm here, not there." "I'm not all over the place." "I'm going this way." "Just like you talked about the ex who approached you and said, "now, this is -- I'm waiting for you."" "That's what I told him." "I said -- And it was actually yesterday, after I got done with my P.A. Meeting," "I went over there to pick up memory, and he was like," ""I got about four girls coming to town." "Will you be able to answer the phones for them?"" "I'm like, "Tyson, I'm in recovery." ""I'm not only in recovery for drugs and alcohol," ""I'm not only in recovery for drugs and alcohol," ""but I'm in recovery for prostitution." ""That means I don't want no part of it." ""No, I don't want to be your business partner when it comes to service."" "Like, I have a whole new " "I don't even want to own a service now." "In the beginning, I was like, "I want to own a service..." "I remember that." "...and have these girls work for me."" "It's like, no, I want to save these girls." "I want to help them." "I want to help them save themselves." "This couldn't have happened if you hadn't have made a decision and wanted to be involved in your life." "And you said, "no, I need my life back."" "And you said, "no, I need my life back."" "And that's what you did, baby." "That's all you did." "You did that." "You big, old boo-boo." "I'm loving you." "And I love you." "There she is." "Pull the door." "Hey, mommy." "Hi, sweetie!" "Hi, dianah!" "Don't cry." "Hey, this is the..." "Hey, Kayla." "How you doing?" "I'm fine." "I'm fine." "You fine?" "Don't cry, baby." "You look so nice." "You got my favorite color." "Huh?" "You got my favorite color." "Huh?" "You got my favorite color." "I miss you so much." "I miss y'all, too." "Brenda's a real nice lady." "I met her." "She came to the house, and I met her, and she told me all that she's trying to help you do, and I'm so grateful for that." "You take advantage of that and get all you can out of that." "And get your high school diploma." "Are you going to school?" "You are?" "That's good." "You are?" "That's good." "That's good." "That's great." "It's all right, baby." "Stop crying." "Stop crying." "Don't cry." "Dianah." "I'm sorry..." "Huh?" "I'm sorry, Kayla." "I'm sorry, mommy." "Don't cry." "I love y'all." "We love you too." "I love you too." "We love you too, sweetie." "We love you too, sweetie." "I wish I could be home with y'all." "I'm sorry for leaving y'all." "I'm sorry." "That's okay." "It's gonna be all right." "You're coming home -- You're coming home soon, and you won't be back." "I know." "It'll be all over with." "It's time to go." "I love y'all." "I love you too." "I love y'all." "See you later." "All right." "She gonna be all right." "All right." "She gonna be all right." "Come on." "You got to forgive and let go and put it in god's hands." "And that's what I did." "Now my time with them is gonna be so precious." "I'll just..." "Man." "It's a good feeling." "I can't stay mad at my mother." "Back then, I didn't have no " "Back then, I didn't have no " "My blood was black, my heart was black, my soul was black." "And now I got life." "And now, ladies and gentlemen " "And now, ladies and gentlemen " "Shush." "Sit down " "I'd like to introduce to my best friend, my road dog, all the way from 54th and Hyde park " "Miss Stephanie Daniels!" "Hey!" "What's going on, ladies?" "What's poppin'?" "All right, y'all want me to sing the song "always" to you?" "It goes like this." "It goes like this." "♪ As 'round the sun the earth know she's revolving ♪" "♪ As the rosebuds know to bloom in early may ♪" "♪ Just as hate knows love's the cure ♪" "♪ You can bet my mind is sure ♪" "♪ That I'll be loving you always ♪" "Oh, I've heard that song." "♪ Always ♪" "♪ Now, we can't reveal his mysteries of tomorrow ♪" "♪ But in passing, we'll grow older every day ♪" "♪ But in passing, we'll grow older every day ♪" "♪ Just as kindness knows no shame ♪" "♪ Know through all my joy and pain ♪" "♪ That I'll be loving you always ♪" "♪ As today I know I'm living but tomorrow ♪" "♪ Can take me the past, but that I mustn't fear ♪" "♪ 'Cause I know deep in my mind ♪" "♪ The love for me god left behind ♪" "♪ And I'll be loving you always ♪" "And then it goes... ♪ Until the day that eight times eight times eight is four ♪" "♪ Until the day that eight times eight times eight is four ♪" "♪ Until the day that you are me and I'm no more ♪" "♪ Always ♪" "♪ Until the day says her work is through ♪" "♪ Until the day that you are me and -- ♪" "Well, that's my song, okay?"