"So, how was the band last night?" "It sucked, but check it out." "I'm in the ladies' room totally ragging about how bad the band was, and the woman in the stall next to me had no toilet paper." "That is a great story!" "That's not the end of it." "Oh, I'm sorry." "It's just that sometimes you ramble, kid." "I never really know when it's over." "Well, the toilet paper lady is the head of Marquee Management, only the biggest music management firm in the city." "That is adorable, Holly." "No, it's not over." "She said that she liked my taste in music, and she offered me a job as junior manager." "I start today!" "That's the end of the story." "Oh." "Yeah, it's a good thing you're pretty." "Lauren, this is the start of my real career in the music business." "Do you know how lucky I am?" "Finally, all of my great ideas, I can put them to use!" "So, are you sure that you're going to be okay being alone with Val all day?" "Holly, go, okay?" "She is fine." "It's been a week since she called off the wedding, and you know what?" "Yesterday, not one tear." "In fact, she even laughed a couple times." "And not that phony laugh like I did at your toilet paper story, but a real laugh." "You know, if you ask me, I think she's finally getting over the trauma of the breakup." "[ Val ]:" "Holly!" " Yeah?" "Oh, yeah, she's really moving on." "âª You really know how to dance âª âª When you go up, down, jump around âª âª Talk about true romance âª âª Yeah âª" "âª Keep on whispering in my ear âª âª Tell me all the things that I wanna hear âª âª 'Cause it's true âª âª What I like âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª âª That's what I like about âª âª Hey âª" "âª Uh-huh âª âª Uh-huh âª âª That's what I like about you âª" "Our music library is over there." "The kitchen's back there." "And here's your desk and computer." "FYI -- they block the porn." "The password is "porn."" "Oh, my God, my own desk?" "I mean, I've had my own desk before, just not one that didn't match my bedroom set." "Okay, this is for your I.D., and sign this." "It's Sandy in accounting's birthday." "Oh, my God, it's my first office birthday card." "Oh, okay." "I have to write something funny and original." "Look how lame this one is." ""There's no accounting for how young you look." "Happy birthday."" "I worked an hour on that." "[ sultry voice ] Holly Tyler's office." "Holly T. here." "I'm sorry I can't talk." "I'm in a meeting with Snoop Dogg." "Oh, God, they gave me Pippi Longstocking." "Hi, Leah, I'm Holly." "I'm assigned to you." "I'm the new junior manager." "But to be honest with you, I'm not that junior." "I already have a client." "And a briefcase." "But my client Ben Sheffield is currently on tour, but I have his CD in here." "Oh, and by the way, who can I talk to about getting a new chair, because this one's kinda hard." "Do you know what this is?" "It's me, drinking imaginary coffee." "'Cause I don't have any." "I totally hear you." "I would love some coffee, too." "Who does that?" "But I'm Holly Tyler, junior manager." "Yeah, and your job is to manage putting coffee and two tablespoons of vanilla nut creamer in a cup." "Okay." "But, uh, just so you know," "I won't be getting coffee for long." "I'm going to be moving up pretty fast." "I'm not some little kid who just likes hanging out in clubs with rock stars." "I take this very seriously." "I am a professional." "There she is!" "Junior manager Holly!" "Okay." "So this is the exact blend of coffee that I gave my boss." "It's good, isn't it?" " Mmm." " Mmm." " Mmm." "So it doesn't "taste like ass," right?" " No." " No." "Well, not unless "ass" is a delightful blend of vanilla and nut." "Look, don't take it personally." "She's probably just mean to everyone." "I don't care about everyone." "She's mean to me." "Well, you just need to find your "in" with her, you know, something you guys have in common." "How?" "She doesn't even listen to me." "I've got a whole notebook of ideas she's never gonna hear." "She won't even listen to Ben's CD." "All she let me do today was pick up her lunch and her dog's poo." "And don't think I didn't consider switching those bags." "No one's ever not liked me before." "Holly..." "You can't be liked by everybody." "Sometimes, people aren't going to like you for no reason at all." "You know Joe down at my job?" "He doesn't like you?" "No, he doesn't like you." "Holly, Holly, Holly, Holly... let me tell you what you do." "Make her a peanut butter sandwich." "Put a bone in it." "Then when she chokes, you save her life, and she'll owe you one." "You see, in the moment, no one realizes that peanut butter is boneless." "Yeah." "That's a good backup, Gary." "Hey, guys." "Hey, is she doing any better?" " Oh, she is so much better." " Really?" "No." "Oh, look, another happy couple." "Hi, Val." "Oh, there's the working girl." "How was your first day?" "Good." "So you're still in your pretty dress." "Yeah, I had it on this morning when I started cleaning." "Then after I did the laundry, I realized how dirty the windows were." "Then after I cleaned the windows," "I looked out here and I saw that, hello," "Valerie Tyler, it is time to plant spring bulbs." "Yeah, and I love that you've cleaned and gardened." "But you did it in your wedding dress." "Yeah, well, the veil keeps mosquitoes away." "All right, you want the truth?" "I may not be as together as I appear to be." "Oh, what am I gonna do?" "I..." "I am losing it." "I mean, I feel like if I take this dress off, then it's really over." "But it is really over." "I know!" "Sorry." "When I made the decision to call off the wedding," "I was so sure I was making the right one, you know?" "But now I don't know." "Did I make a mistake?" "I mean, if I had married him, would I be happier?" "Val, don't do this to yourself." "You know that you made the right decision." " You just need to accept it and move on." " But how?" "By getting out of this house." "I mean, there's a whole world going on out there." "Let's jump back in and get your mind off of everything." "No, I don't want to go out, I don't want to have fun," "I don't want to see stupid men with their stupid girlfriends." "Val." "Okay." "Well, you know what?" "I will take you to a place where there won't be any stupid men." "Monday is lesbian night at Skids!" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "You know, I better cover up the Supremes." "Tonight is not about you girls." "Holly, I wanna go home." "No." "You're staying here." "We're gonna have fun." "You are a strong, smart, and tough woman who has moved on." "Now, let's have fun." "Take off your coat." "Oh, holy crap." "You cut your wedding dress?" "I like it." "Baby steps, people." "I came out, didn't I?" " Whoo!" " Whoo!" " Whoo!" "No, no, no, no." "Y-you don't understand." "See, my wedding was called off -- oh, what the hell." "What's up, ladies?" "Hey, I hear ya." "My wedding got called off, too." "I mean, not that we can really get married." "We were just doing it for, you know, the gifts." "Yeah, well, she's straight." "She was just doing it for the tax break." "Excuse me." "Do you have the time?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm a straighty." "[ gasps ]" "Oh, my God, those two chicks are making out." "Let's go over there." "Well, could you ask them to come over here?" "'Cause, uh, I can't stand right now." "Okay, so I'm about to walk down the aisle, and my fiancé tells me he feels "trapped."" "Oh, 20 minutes before our ceremony," "I caught Donna kissing her ex." " Women." " Men." "Hey, Wendy." "Two Rosie O'Donnells over here." "Straight up." "Ha ha ha ha!" "Ow!" "I'm so happy she's actually laughing and having fun." "God bless the lesbians." "Hey, you wanna dance?" "Okay." "Since I dropped out of college, this will be my only chance to experiment." "The worst part is, I keep having these dreams where I'm pushing Rick in front of a bus." "But I think I'm growing, because in the last one, the bus wasn't moving..." "But then the train came and flattened him." "Last night, Donna's favorite show was on, and I burst into tears." "Oh, how she loved her "Xena."" "You wanna hear tears?" "Last night, I slept with Rick's football phone." "[ gasps ] Donna has a football phone." "Oh, man, are we sick?" "And when I say "man," I didn't mean you're butchy." "I just meant it as a figure of speech." "I know." "Val, what are we gonna do?" "I mean, I'm never gonna get over Donna." "See these clothes I'm in?" "Don't tell anyone, but this is my wedding outfit." "I wear it every day." "Michelle... to be honest with you... that is really sick." "Oh, my God." "You know, you have got to move on." "But you can't because you got all Donna's crap in your house." "Listen, I want you to go home and pack up all her stuff in a box, and tomorrow, I want you to take it to her" " and say, "Goodbye, Rick."" " Rick?" "Donna." "You know what?" "You're right." "And you'll do the same with Rick." "You're darn tootin'!" "I love that we're doing this." "It's so alternative." "I know." "It feels so good after the hard day I had at work." "It's such a little dog, but such big poops." "Hey, don't look now, but there's a woman totally checking you out." " Really?" " Watch her now." "Well, look at you, Pippi." "Leah!" "Hey, Leah." "Tina, look, it's my boss... in a lesbian bar." "And I'm here, too." "I had no idea that we were playing on the same team." "Huh." "Looks like Pippi just picked up her last poop." "Okay, um, listen, Leah, I just want you to know that this job means everything to me." "I know how hard it is to break into the music business, and I am so lucky, but " "Oh, oh, before I forget, uh, that client of yours " "Ben?" "Yeah, I was thinking, you know the right bars to go to, maybe you know the right music, too." "I'd like to hear his CD." "Well, we sisters have to stick together." "That's true." "Oh, uh, Holly, by the way, um, I'm not out at work." "I know, how pathetic is that?" "But I gotta tell you, it's so good to finally have a... member of the club to talk to at work." "I feel so guilty." "Why?" "You never actually said you were a lesbian." "Let her think what she wants." "Now you're in the club." "The lesbian club." "Ha ha ha." "Seriously, that's hot." "Now, not only am I a lesbian," "I'm a liar." "I'm a lying lesbian." "Also hot." "Will you listen to me?" "I quit college for this." "I mean, this is a tough, tough industry." "You don't get many breaks." "I can't afford to screw this up." "This is the beginning of my entire career." "And you're doing great." "You've only been there a day, and you're already the favorite." "You know what?" "That's it." "I've gotta go tell the truth." "All of my success has been based on a lie." "I mean, like today, I get to go to this really cool recording studio to work with this band, but it's this other junior manager Dave that found them, and he should get to go." "But the poor bastard is a hetero." "[ knock on door ]" "Hey, Michelle, what's going on?" "I just came to thank you for last night." "Uh-oh, how much did I have to drink?" "No, no, thanks to you," "I just dropped off the box of Donna's crap at her place." "You were right." "It was amazing." "I have total closure." "It's like this weight's been lifted." "That is great, Michelle." "So?" "What happened when you dropped Rick's stuff off?" "I mean, did you have that same feeling?" "Uh..." "Yeah." "Closure rocks!" "Bye-bye!" "Then why are you hiding a box of Rick's stuff behind the door?" "Oh, um... uh, funny thing happened." "I just talked to Rick, and, uh, he's been promising forever to fix my leaky sink, and he insisted on coming over to do it right now." "Isn't that so sweet?" "So I thought I'd just give him the box when he gets here." "Okay, so, um, uh, I'm gonna go prepare for closure." "It's really good talking to you." "Happy endings." "Buh-bye." "Val..." " What's going on?" " Nothing." " Val, who called who?" " Rick called me." " Val..." " Me called Rick." "Here's a crazy question." "Why didn't you just call a plumber?" "Because he said he would fix it, and I want him to commit to something." "Bull." "You were thinking he'd come over, and you two would get back together." "No, no, unh-unh." "No, I got his box of crap right here, ready to go." "Wait, wait, whoa, what are you doing?" "Don't fix that." "Rick's gonna fix that, Rick's gonna fix everything." "Rick isn't gonna fix anything." "You are." "You know something, Leah?" "I..." "I couldn't really hear the beat." "I mean, this is the kind of song where you want to be like this." "But right now, I'm just sort of more like this." "Maybe if we bump up the percussion a little bit?" "Good ear, Hol." "Listen, um," "Leah, I just want to thank you for all of the opportunities that you've given me lately." "Hey, you've got talent." "Oh, I'm really glad to hear you say that, because I really respect you." "And there's something that I've been trying to tell you." "And I know that after I tell you this," "I may lose my job which, by the way," "I so don't want to do because I know that I'd be really good at it, but..." "Leah, I'm not that gay." "That gay?" "Actually, I'm kinda straight." "Actually, I'm totally straight." "Hetero." "Boy crazy." "Me likey the fellas." "You lied to me about being gay?" "Why?" "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to lie." "It's just that you hated me, and then you kinda started liking me and " "This is not the place to discuss this." "Okay, well, I just wanted to apologize that it got so out of hand." "But I'm still the same person that you said had talent." "Remember when I said, "bump up the percussion,"" "and you said, "Good ear, Hol"?" "Well, I still have the same ear, just not a gay ear." "You lied to me." "I know, and I'm sorry." "But, you know, it feels a lot better to tell the truth." "Maybe you should try it." "You're not a lesbian who hits, are you?" "Oh, great, Lizzie Mcguire's teaching me a lesson about coming out." "What do you know about it?" "Come on." "I mean, this is the music business, Leah." "Nobody cares that you're gay." "Big deal." "Leah's a lesbian." "Do you happen to have your ass on the orange button that says "intercom"?" "I don't know." "Free beer in the kitchen." "[ Man ]:" "Beer!" "Apparently, I do." "Okay, watch, here, just grab this wrench, and we're gonna tighten the bolt right above the elbow joint." "Ooh, whoa, whoa, slow down." "I've never done this before." "No, no, I'll teach ya!" "Wow, nobody's been down here for a while." "Well, you know what?" "Why not?" "Men really haven't worked out for you." "What?" "No, no, we were just, uh, doing some plumbing." "So, how was your recording session?" "The band was good, the doughnuts were good, and I outed my boss with my ass." "What?" "I think I'm getting fired." " Why?" " I screwed up." "Two days, and I'm fired from the best job I ever had." "I can't believe that I quit college for this." "Val, I made the right choice, didn't I?" "Come here." "It's just a little setback." "You made the right choice." "We both did." "Glass of water, anyone?" "You fixed it!" "No." "You fixed it." "Well, you're like my own fairy god-lesbian." "Okay, I'm gonna go cancel my plumber." "[ knock on door ]" "Oh." "Leah." "Pippi." "Come on in." "No, I don't like to see where my employees live." "Suddenly, they become real people." "Listen, Leah," "I just " "I wanna apologize." "Do you know how long I've worked to keep my private life private?" "My whole life." "And you blew it in 30 seconds." "I know." "I'm really sorry." "Thank you." "Nobody gives a crap that I'm gay!" "Half of them said that they already knew." "Oh, well, I'm really glad that this all worked out for you." "And I don't want to make it about me, but am I still Holly Tyler, junior manager?" "As long as you pick up Tinky's poop, you can call yourself chairman of the board." "Hey, Michelle, this is my boss Leah." " Hello." " Hello." "Wow." "Vince is right." "This is hot." "Well..." "It looks like Michelle is moving on." "And so am I." "You wanna come with me?" "I have to drop something off at Rick's place." "I'm so proud of you." "You know what?" "We have to wait a few minutes." "There's a little bit of a lesbian roadblock outside our door."