"MAN: (SINGING) I came in last night about half past ten" "That baby of mine wouldn't let me in" "So moving' on over" "Rockin' on over" "Move over, little doll The mean old dog is coming in" "Breathe the air, Mrs. Donnelly!" "I'm eating dust." "The wind in your hair!" "Put the bloody top back on, Sonny!" "(CHUCKLES)" "I will not hear your negativity." "Madam, this is Route 66 and we are most assuredly getting our kicks!" "Whoo!" "(HONKING HORN)" "MAN:" "She changed the lock on my back door" "Now my key won't fit no more" "Movin' on over" "Rockin' all over" "Move over, nice doll The mean old dog's going in" "Hi." "I'm Chet and I'll be happy to valet your car." "Not as happy as we are that you are happy to do so, my friend." "Just tell me..." "Just tell me there's a cup of tea and a biscuit waiting inside." "That's a great accent." "Are you from Australia?" "(MUZAK PLAYING)" "The sound of destiny, madam calling us with her siren song." "And go to her we must!" "For this is our moment." "If not now, when?" "And if not us, who?" "(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)" "Later?" "Somebody else?" "My hand is powdered, so the shake is firm and dry." "My clothes precisely walk the tightrope between casual and relaxed formality." "Sonny, Sonny." "Let me do the talking." "Alright?" "Okay," "(CLEARS T HRO AT)" "Mr. Burley." "While I am aware that convention dictates that I should wait for your assessment of our proposal please take my interruption less as rudeness than proof of our profound excitement at the opportunity to meet yourself and your fine company." "And let me say right here and now..." "Alright, that's enough, that's enough." "We agreed that my colleague would do the speaking and rightly so for while her language may be...salty, it has great economy and pith." "MURIEL:" "I don't care about any of that." "No, listen and learn, son." "Tea is an herb that's been dried out." "Soto bring it back to life, you have to infuse it in boiling water." "That is boiling water." "Everywhere I've been in this country they slap down a cup of tepid nonsense you know with the teabag lying beside it which means I've got to go through the ridiculous business of dunking it in the lukewarm piss waiting for the slightest change of color to occur." "And at my age..." "I haven't got the time." "This is what I'm talking about." "Get her some boiling water." "Now, Mrs. Donnelly." "Tell me more about your establishment." "MURIEL:" "We've been going properly for about eight months now." "But phase two of the development is more or less complete." "Like life and a tortoise." "It's not exactly fast-moving..." "Mrs. Evelyn Greenslade." "Here." "MURIEL: ...but you only make progress when you stick your neck out." "Mr. Douglas Ainslie." "Here." "We have guests that come and go." "Mrs. Muriel Donnelly." "Here." "But there's been a hard core of regulars from the beginning." "Mrs. Madge Hardcastle." "Here." "Mr. Norman Cousins and Miss Carol Parr." "BOTH:" "Both here." "We have monthly check-ups at the local clinic and Sonny takes a roll-call every morning." "A most valuable precaution to ensure that nobody has died in the night." "MU RIEL:" "Most of our guests don't just live in India, they now work there." "EVELYN:" "These are lovely." "HARI:" "That is why they cost 10,000 rupees each." "(CHUCKLES) Every day?" "We have to do this every day?" "Process, madam." "We must respect the process." "Very well." "You and I both know that since a fine, genuine pashmina requires the annual growth of at least three Changra goats you and everyone in this market blend the yarn to give it more body." "The reason I come to this stall is that whereas Bharat over there uses wool and Mohan goes with the rabbit fur you at least use a reasonable quality of silk." "I'll give you 5,000 for four." "Done." "Thank you." "I'll see you tomorrow, Hari." "Tomorrow, Miss Evelyn." "And thank you for your respect." "MURIEL:" "Two of the guests have made themselves useful at the local expats club." "Which is, shall we say, a little down on its uppers." "Norman..." "Mmm?" "...I know the membership's dropping, times are tight, but do you really have to water down the wine?" "What?" "!" "I uncorked it myself." "They're on to us." "Let's try the red." "MURIEL:" "And others are doing jobs they never thought they could do." "One Queen was so close to her elephant that when she passed away, the elephant stood beside her tomb for three days before dying of grief." "We should all know suchlove, just not necessarily from an elephant." "MURIEL:" "And sometimes they're right, they can't." "Uh, when were these built?" "I'm sorry?" "What period are we talking about?" "What, um... .Hpeﬂod?" "Ah, uh...yeah." "Um... 17th... 17th century." "17th century." "Sure?" "Absolutely positive." "Wait, wait, wait." "Maybe 18th." "Oh, oh, oh..." "Please admire the beautifully carved..." "Now please admire these beautifully carved pillars that are engraved with typical Rajasthani... (BOYS SHOUTING) ...which are engraved with typical Rajasthani carvings." "Um typical carvings which..." "(STAMMERING)" "(BOYS SHOUTING IN HINDI)" "(SIGHS)" "And, um, you, you, you can see..." "MURIEL:" "Look, I could talk and talk but all that counts in the end is this one had an idea." "I know, I know, but it works." "The proof of our success is we are victims of it." "The Marigold Hotel is full up." "With nobody checking out." "Until the ultimate check-out." "So we have to expand." "There's a local place we've got our eye on." "The Supreme Quality Hotel." "You put up the notes, we buy it." "And we become the furthest outpost of the Evergreen franchise." "Leading to a chain of hotels stretching across India and beyond for those such as this great lady whose face is a map of the world and whose mind, though failing, still contains" "many of the secrets of the universe." "Who had the chance to say, when she left her home for the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel as others will do "Why die here "when I can die there?"" "(CHUCKLES)" "If you'll indulge me." "Evergreen is a different concept." "We believe that the well that the leaves don't need to fall." "That these years, the mature years are an opportunity for travel, for further education for different work situations." "Well, in a word, an opportunity for life." "And for passing on the value of that life to others." "I take it you would agree with me, Mrs. Donnelly?" "I'm here, aren't I?" "Are you talking to other companies about this?" "MURIEL:" "We came to you first." "We do have competitors." "Not in our eyes." "SUNAINA ON LAPTOP:" "And did you tell them about the roll-call?" "SONNY:" "With a spoon, they ate it up." "Sonny, this is huge." "So when do they sign the check?" "Hoops, Sunaina." "Before our triumph is complete, there is one more through which we mustjump." "At some point in the next soon, Mr. Burley has promised to send an evaluator to the hotel." "Undercover. "His guy," he called him, to check us out." "We'll be ready." "Now, can I talk to you about the wedding plans?" "The engagement party is on Thursday and we have dance rehearsal at the Viceroy Club at 4." "And I have some exciting news about that." "Let me put just one word in your mind, Sunaina." ""Elopement." We elope." "Okay." "Can you not see how romantic that would..." "Now get out of the way." "This is important. (LAUGHING)" "Hello." "Who's there, my love?" "Sonny boy." "How's America?" "Kushal?" "I did not know you were in Jaipur." "I'm back, baby." "And how beautiful did your girlfriend get while I was gone, huh?" "Not girlfriend." "No, that would be my fiancée." "So this is the big news." "Kush and my brother are choreographing our dance." "You call him "Kush"?" "Okay, check this out." "(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)" "Have you just come for the wedding celebrations, Kushal?" "Only to go away again?" "Immediately, straight afterwards, for a very long time?" "I have a business venture in town." "If that works out, I'm here for a while." "SUNAINA:" "Isn't this great?" "Mrs. Donnelly." "Oh..." "Now?" "You need me now?" "I have to go now." "SUNAINA:" "Sonny, this is really cool." "Watch." "No, she's calling me from the pool." "Okay" "Okay, okay." "Okay, bye now." "Bye." "(SUNAINA GIGGLING)" "So they're looking at me, awaiting my wisdom and knowledge and I have none of either." "How many times have you done that tour now?" "Oh, 63." "And you still can't remember a word you said?" "You know how it is." "First the knees, then the names." "I should have stern words with your assistant." "Oh, I will." "And when they don't work, offer him money." "(DOUGLAS CHUCKLES)" "(EVELYN SIGHS)" "Thank you." "(CLEARS T HRO AT)" "Well...goodnight." "I wonder, do you fancy a cup of coffee?" "Uh, um..." "Or chai, perhaps, would be more appropriate." "I actually don't have any coffee." "Or chat tor that matter." "No, of course not." "Why would you?" "Um, right." "No, great." "Um, sleep well." "And you, too." "Thank you." "Goodnight." "Goodnight, then." "NORMAN:" "Suddenly I realized I wasn't alone." "So I turned round to see who was tapping me on the shoulder." "Only the bloody Archbishop of Canterbury." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "It's funny because it's true." "Yes, and unfortunately, it's neither." "Are you walking outwith us, Norman?" "No, I'm afraid I I've got to stay here and count up the meager takings, I'm afraid, Susan." "Oh, well, unless you need some help finding a taxi." "No, I can walk home." "I actually live very near." "Oh, well..." "That's lovely." "It is." "You should come round sometime." "Oh." "Or tonight?" "Sir Norman?" "Yes, what is it?" "Miss Carol is on the phone." "She's wondering when you'll be back." "(SIGHS)" "Well...another time." "Yes." "Yes." "Well, goodnight." "NORMAN:" "The thing is, you see, what one has never ever had before is opportunity." "(STAMMERING) I spent years back in England trying to spread my gift around." "Couldn't find a single willing recipient." "Here cracking job, bit of bank in my pocket." "Turns out I'm rather catnip to the ladies." "(LAUGHING)" "Yeah, but I can't indulge myself, or indulge them because I have already got one and I think the absolute world of her." "Still, one does think what if she weren't there at all?" "I mean, what if one were alone again?" "How impossibly free one would be." "I'd miss her dreadfully, of course." "But I'd have a bloody good time." "Whoops." "(CHUCKLES)" "Better watch out for those." "They could do some damage." "Not to worry, boss." "I take care of everything." "(MUMBLES)" "(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)" "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "(INDIAN MUSIC CONTINUES)" "If you only go once around the room, you are wiser than he who remains sitting still." "And thus we two return to India with new ideas and greater enlightenment of the state of the world and humanity." "That flight made my ankles swell." "Sunaina." "Sonny." "Don't mind me." "I'm just standing here on my ankles." "I missed you, too." "(GASPS)" "Oh, we weren't away that long." "Why are you here?" "Who's on reception?" "Oh, Sonny's mother has arrived." "Let's go back to America." "Everything else smooth?" "How are the new menus?" "They look great." "Oh, and the wedding tents have arrived." "Then let us go see them." "Is Vikram outside with his beautiful minibus?" "I didn't come with Vikram." "I got a lift." "From who?" "Look at you, Sonny." "All of you got bigger except your little poppy-out ears." "How I've missed your..." "affectionate humor, Kushal." "Mrs. Donnelly, this is Kushal." "The best friend of my brother Jay." "She doesn't need to meet him." "Can he help with balloon ankles?" "I have some grapefruit oil in the car." "A few drops works wonders." "I like this one." "(STAMMERS) You don't like anyone." "How can the one person..." "Let me take these, they look heavy." "I can do heavy." "Thank you." "Shall we go?" "(SCOFFS) Who carries grapefruit oil in their car?" "So sorry." "Am I late?" "Perfectly on time." "Have you ordered?" "I'm told the Chilla pancakes here are not to be missed." "You're probably wondering why I requested this meeting." "I presume it's to tell me my services are no longer required." "Why would you think that?" "Well, I've loved buying fabrics and textiles for you." "I'd have been doing it anyway." "But we know it was a test run, to see if there was any demand." "And after three months we were either going professional or giving the whole thing up." "We're going professional." "Oh, I'm delighted." "And please tell whoever it is that" "I'm around to impart what little wisdom I..." "Evelyn, we want to employ you." "We want to go professional with you." "You have contacts." "You have taste." "You can haggle the hind legs off a donkey." "We would like you to be in charge of sourcing for our whole operation in this country." "I'm 79 years old." "We don't mind if you don't." "We'll give you a team to work under you, of course." "It's going to mean some travel." "DOUGLAS:" "Good morning." "Oh!" "I was just riding past on my bike and I saw you in here." "Well, I say riding, damn thing broke down again, I was pushing it." "Do you mind if I join you?" "JODI:" "No, please do." "I trust everyone's ordered the Chilla pancakes." "You haven't lived until you do." "I'm Douglas, by the way." "Jodi." "Jodi's the representative of the company I've been working for." "You've talked about her." "All good things." "They're mutual." "Actually, I've just asked if she'd like to join us officially." "Have you?" "Well, congratulations." "It would mean a lot of traveling." "Yes, I expect so." "You'll love that." "She hasn't said "yes" yet." "Well, she will." "Of course she will." "What's stopping her?" "You see I think the problem this time is the piston which must have had what we call a seizure." "But, luckily, Cyril at the bike shop has this tool called a gudgeon pin remover which should minimize damage to the bearing at either end of the con rod or, God forbid, the con rod itself." "I think you're just making these words up." "Namaste." "Namaste." "Would you have asked my opinion?" "Sorry?" "If I hadn't have come in, would you have talked it over with me before saying "yes"?" "Of course I'd have told you tonight and asked you what you thought." "Thank you." "What do you think?" "That you'll do it wonderfully." "NORMAN:" "Good morning, Ainslie." "Morning, you two." "Not riding the bike, Douglas?" "No, the piston's seized up." "But luckily everything can be saved by a device called a gudgeon pin remover." "NORMAN:" "We just popped out for some of those pancakes." "I don't suppose you'd care to join..." "EVELYN:" "Good Lord." "Are you alright?" "CAROL:" "I'm fine." "Thank you." "Nothing I haven't done before." "Something must have gone wrong with his steering." "It almost looked as if he was aiming straight at you." "You could be killed by one of those things." "Oh, God." "How I wish I could prevail upon you to stay." "Always leave them wanting more, Nimish." "(CHUCKLES)" "Are we going to the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, madam?" "There's another stop first, if you don't mind." "Goodbye, Nimish." "ABHILASHI Ah!" "Your Highness." "Welcome." "In this hand, I'm nothing but putty." "If you like it, you should put a ring on it." "Mmm." "Uh..." "Would you mind waiting?" "I don't quite know how long I'll be." "Your command is my wish." "He will wait." "MADGE:" "Yes, but can you?" "ABHILASHI Tough." "Break out the champagne!" "Let the klaxons sound!" "For home are the happy hunters and fat is the lamb that we have slaughtered!" "Namaste, Anokhi." "(BOTH SPEAKING HINDI)" "Namaste, madam." "Namaste, Anokhi." "(SPEAKING HINDI)" "How was America?" "It made death more tempting." "(SUNAINA TRANSLATING)" "Not bad biscuits, though." "I can't call them cookies." "Oh, look." "These are for your mother, apke ma." "These are for your father, apke pita." "Hello, beta." "Mummyji." "Come here." "I was just checking in a guest." "You scare the guests." "I'll do it." "She must be the reason why things are going so smoothly." "It takes teamwork to make a dream work, Mummyji." "Cousin Sapna." "And little Ranjan." "Thank you." "And there's more." "And breakfast is served on the terrace between 7:00 and 10:00, Miss Beech." "With roll-call at 9:00 precisely." "Roll-call?" "To ensure that if anyone has left us in the night, at least they will not lie undiscovered." "Although you, dear lady, are nearer the menopause than the mortuary." "Do fill in, please." "Hello?" "Yes?" "Oh, good morning." "Good morning." "Is this the Marigold Hotel?" "Do you have a reservation?" "No, it seems great to me." "I meant..." "No, I know what you meant." "And, no, I don't have a booking." "Then you should plan your life a little better." "The last room's just going." "With great pride and joy I offer you room 6, the jewel in our crown." "Overlooking the restaurant." "I was hoping for somewhere quite private." "SONNY:" "Another new guest." "Like lemmings they come to the cliff edge that is the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel." "I'm so sorry, we're full up." "That's disappointing." "Mmm." "Fail to prepare, sir...prepare to fail." "I'm sorry, buddy." "Come, Miss Beech, your palace awaits." "I saw you at the airport, didn't I?" "The man with only one bag." "GUY:" "Guy." "Guy Chambers." "LAVINIA:" "Lavinia Beech." "The name again, please?" "Guy Chambers." "(DROPS LUGGAGE)" "Mr. Chambers." "Forgive me for the cursory nature of my greeting." "I am Sunil lndrajit Kapoor, owner and proprietor of this great and sincerely profitable hotel." "I'm pleased to meet you..." "Of course we have our most luxurious room available." "We do?" "One to which I will personally escort you." "Don't you want to see my passport?" "Ah, I know who you are, Mr. Chambers." "I know who he is." "Take Miss Beech to room 19." "Room 19 is not finished yet." "What can carpeting achieve that a good pair of slippers cannot?" "I'd really rather the room that I..." "Please, Miss Beech, say it walking..." "I don't mind what room I have, really." "But I mind, good sir." "I mind deeply." "Sonny." "A word." "In one hot minute, my darling." "I'm just attending to this most significant gentleman." "Now." "One moment." "What is your problem?" "I have never seen such rudeness." "Bigger fish are frying, Sunaina." "Mr. Burley promised he would send someone to evaluate the hotel." "You told me he'd send someone..." "He said he'd send his guy." "His guy!" "You see?" "He was sending me a message." "That's not much to go on." "Instinct, Sunaina." "Instinct is the nose of the mind." "And I have a large nose." "It goes well with my poppy-out ears." "MURIEL:" "Yeah, these aren't bad." "Not bad at all." "You're happy?" "When have you seen me happy?" "Good evening, Mrs. Donnelly." "Evening, Mrs. Greenslade." "We understand there are grounds for optimism." "The boy did well." "And you?" "How did you find America?" "I went with low expectations and came back disappointed." "(CHUCKLES) Given your age, I'm impressed you came back at all." "You're still standing, I see." "The old knee's hanging in there." "When's your next check-up?" "Last week." "And yours?" "Tomorrow." "We'll see what's come loose." "Evening, all." "Evening, Mrs. Hardcastle." "Namaste." "Evening." "Had a good day?" "Wonderful." "Spent every second of it together." "Suffocating." "Spent every second of it together." "He even followed me to the lavatory." "(CHUCKLES)" "Everyone, this is Lavinia Beech." "MADGE:" "Good evening." "Hi." "You're a bit young, aren't you?" "Well, I'm here for my mother." "Not that one needs an excuse to escape the six weeks of warm rain that constitute an English summer." "(LAUGHS)" "She's thinking of coming for a longer stay." "I'm the advance party." "You must be hungry." "Please, come, sit down." "Not there, my darling." "That is the special table, already reserved." "For who?" "Lordy lord, have mercy on my ovaries." "Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen this is the great Guy Chambers." "As welcome as he is fragrant." "Hello." "MADGEI Hello." "Good to meet you all." "Perhaps tomorrow you will allow me to take you on a tour of our magnificent Pink City." "But now I shall bring you food guaranteed to tickle even your most talented taste buds." "Well, that was thorough." "Find any polyps up there?" "He's the one." "What one?" "Our evaluator." "Sent to decide if we are to be franchise or footnote." "What's your evidence?" "The nose knows, Mrs. Donnelly." "Oh, right." "So that's bollocks, then." "I'm here writing a book, as a matter of fact." "A novel." "That's a coincidence because I read novels." "GUY:" "Oh." "Have you written others?" "No. (CHUCKLES) No, this is my first." "It's just been kind of a dream until now." "Any other dreams I can help you with?" "NORMAN:" "So, what's it about?" "It's about getting older, really." "And all that entails." "A sense of emptiness, of loss." "A gradual narrowing of one's..." "Yes, well, you've come to the right place for that." "Yes, yes." "Now listen." "It's covered in scorpions." "How many tuk-tuks are there with bloody scorpions on them?" "And the driver is completely lethal." "Of course I don't know his name but he's got one eye." "There you are." "Oh, my God." "Now listen, you." "I don't want any more excuses." "Just do it!" "(SCOFFS) That was the club." "There's been a power cut and apparently some of the food for the party tonight is slightly on the turn." "I'm sure you'll sort it, darling." "There's a problem with the party?" "No, no problem with the party, my darling." "Carol." "Carol, where are you going?" "To the travel agency where I work." "Why don't I walk with you?" "No need." "See you later." "Mrs. Hardcastle. ls there a problem with the party?" "Better not be." "It's the club's biggest night for years." "Can't afford slip-ups." "There was a power cut." "Norman." "Douglas." "Hello." "You missed roll-call." "I thought we'd lost you." "I was here early." "Cyril's helping me." "I need to get all this sorted for the wedding." "I've got this whole bike thing planned." "Turns out, it wasn't a piston problem at all." "Something to do with the carburetor." "So... (LAUGHING) You don't care, do you?" "Only insomuch as it matters to you." "But still you came." "Listen." "I'm going to Mumbai in a couple of days." "I know, for Laura's conference." "I was thinking, why don't you come?" "She's my daughter, I'd like you to meet her." "Of course." "But I'm not sure I can make a trip like that." "Silly idea." "With the new job and everything." "I shouldn't even be going myself." "Plenty of tours to fail to guide and the bike still isn't finished." "I would love to meet her." "It'll happen." "Oh...will I see you tonight?" "What?" "The engagement party." "DOUGLAS:" "Absolutely." "I wouldn't miss it." "EVELYN:" "Wonderful." "Bye." "Bye." "You should marry that girl." "I want to." "(MRS. KAPOOR AND ANOKHI SPEAKING HINDI)" "Where's our new guest?" "Which one?" "The American" "I didn't see him at breakfast" "(BOTH SPEAKING HINDI)" "Good morning." "Ah." "The man with no plan who still gets the best room." "I felt really bad about that." "Not bad enough to swap with her." "No, I did swap." "After dinner last night." "So how's the new room?" "Monastic." "Which I prefer." "No need to tell the proprietor about this." "He's not the fastest fox in the forest." "He's my son." "GUY:" "And a fine fellow he is." "You must be very proud." "Don't speak to the guests, Mummyji." "Mr. Chambers was just telling me how comfortable he is at the hotel." "I'm both delighted and unsurprised." "But really, no speaking." "Hope to see you again." "Go on, Mummy"." "(CLEARS THROAT" "And now, good sir, for our tour." "Let us find Vikram and his beautiful minibus, and taste the pleasures of our fine city." "Could I come along?" "I was just about to brave the city on my own." "Madam, this perfect specimen and I were planning to spend the day alone together." "I didn't mean to intrude." "Of course she can come." "Of course you can come." "MADGEI It's difficult." "Every morning I take a taxi to the roundabout and I have a decision." "I can either go left to Nimish or right to Abhilash." "Both of whom love me." "I'm pretty sure they're going to propose soon enough." "Just because I'm looking at you when you talk, don't think I'm interested or listening." "Thing is, I don't know who to say "yes" to." "MURIELI Well..." "No, I don't care." "MALE DOCTOR:" "Mrs. Donnelly?" "The fun just never starts." "(TRUMPETS)" "SONNY: ...who gave us our name and protected us with his six noble gates." "Patterned our concourse with boulevards of generous proportion and exquisite grace." "(SPEAKING HINDI)" "SONNY: ...and crowned his achievement with the magnificence that is the Hawa Mahal." "The Palace Of The Winds." "GUY:" "This is the palace?" "This is the Supreme Quality Hotel." "Well played indeed, my friend." "Your eye does not flicker and the cards stay close to your noble chest." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Why are we here?" "Let us look around and you will see." "Please, come." "Come, come, come." "Clearly whoever named this establishment had a sense of mischief." "But had he named it the Supreme Potential Hotel then, my friends, we would be talking." "I wanted to ask you about your mother." "I can only apologize." "Here is our planned installation of an elevator." "Easy access for the elderly to the higher floors before they make the greatest climb of all." "And from here to the hospital it is but a short walk or a stretcher ride." "What about your father?" "Where is he?" "Scattered on holy waters." "Sorry." "Finding, at last, the peace my mother denied him while he lived." "Why." "Why do you ask?" "I don't know, I'm just really struck by her." "BY Whom?" "I'm sorry?" "By whom were you struck?" "By your mother." "My mother?" "Your mother, yeah." "Sorry to butt in, could I just..." "My mother?" "Your mother." "Do you own this place?" "Yes." "It is the most recent addition to our burgeoning empire." "Not the last time I looked." "SONNY:" "Kushal?" "To what do we owe this...pain?" "Funny QUY" "Kushal Kadania." "Hi." "Guy Chambers." "Lavinia Beech." "Great pleasure." "Why are you here, Kushal?" "And please explain the hat." "So what do you think?" "You like the place?" "I think it could be really great." "Yes, I do." "How clever of Sonny to buy it." "Except he didn't buy it." "You speak for me?" "How do you know?" "Because I did." "I closed the deal yesterday." "You wouldn't want to read this, darling." "Please excuse her, madam." "Hello." "I don't think I ever caught your name." "Babul, madam." "Is this your daughter?" "My niece, Aaina." "She was in an accident and needs many hours of physiotherapy." "And you bring her, and wait?" "There's no present like the time." "I also bring banana chips." "Oh." "Shall we go?" "Is everything alright?" "Oh, it's fine." "Fine." "Who's that?" "Goodbye." "My driver, Babul." "He knows a thing or two." "Please tell me there'll be something for the old people to dance to." "Because we can still shake it, you know." "Don't worry, Aruva's a professional." "(CHUCKLES)" "So when do you and Sunaina do your dance?" "It depends on whether Sonny ever gets here for the rehearsal." "Sonny." "In-laws." "Beta." "Jay." "You're late." "It's a pleasure to see you." "A ray of sunshine on a dark day." "JAY:" "Sonny boy." "Don't call me that." "Your friend Kush has cheated us out of what is rightfully ours." "What are you talking about?" "Kush is in town?" "SAMARTH:" "You didn't tell us." "JAY:" "How did he cheat you?" "By snatching from us the Supreme Quality Hotel." "Had you made an offer on it?" "We don't have the money yet." "Then how did he cheat you?" "You think he didn't know we were planning to buy it?" "Sonny." "The place has been on the market for over a year." "I saw it, I contacted my investor." "Your father." "And my investor agreed that we should make a move before the price went up." "How hard it must be not to choke on the silver spoon in your mouth." "Ask him if he knew." "Did you know anything?" "Would I have bought the place if I had?" "His tongue is forked and he lies like a rug!" "Why are you being like this?" "KUSHAL:" "Isn't this somebody's engagement party?" "We have a dance to rehearse." "I know how to dance." "You still have to rehearse." "That's why I'm here." "Shall we?" "(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)" "Host is looking dapper." "What?" "You, Norman." "Very spruce." "Ah. (CHUCKLES) Well." "Big night, isn't it?" "A happy conclusion to a slightly bumpyjourney." "That's really the point, isn't it?" "For all relationships, the journey." "It's not enough to stand still." "There's gotta be progress." "Movement towards something." "Because the really frustrating thing is, we could be madly happy" "And not to take the risk, when it's so close you could almost reach out and touch it." "(SIGHS)" "The great and terrible thing about life there's just so much bloody potential." "All of which is almost certainly nonsense and I've no idea what I'm talking about." "Tell me about you, Norman." "What's biting your bum today?" "Me?" "I think I might have taken out a hit on my girlfriend." "JODY." "You're going to have to drive some pretty hard bargains with the factory owners." "And there's been a switch." "Your first port of call's not Delhi, it's Mumbai." "You're gonna have to get used to that." "I can't tell you the family holidays I'd have had to blow out if I had a family." "Are you going to take Douglas?" "I don't know." "lhadn%thought" "How long have you guys been together?" "We're not." "Oh, sorry, I thought you were." "No, well..." "We're not "not" together." "I'm going to be so late for this party." "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "(SPEAKING HINDI)" "MADGE:" "Both suitors at the same party does give one rather a frisson." "Then why are you hiding?" "It's been a while since I had one suitor, let alone two. (CHUCKLES)" "Something of a dry spell." "Water doesn't flow till you turn the tap on." "Pick someone tonight." "Mrs. Donnelly." "Forgive me for not escorting you to the clinic, but our plans for expansion have hit a roadblock." "What kind of roadblock?" "Good evening, Mrs. Donnelly." "Oh, you look so beautiful." "Sonny, your mother needs to spend some time with my parents." "For the guest of honor." "We are the guests of honor." "GUY:" "Congratulations." "This is just a wonderful night." "I was thinking of celebrating by asking your mother for a dance." "Whose mother?" "Your mother." "Really?" "You're looking very fine tonight, Norman." "I don't suppose you've seen Carol anywhere, have you?" "(CHUCKLES) Here..." "Thank you." "I find it awfully hard not to wipe my fingers on my trousers." "I've noticed." "Jean used to accuse me of doing it deliberately to annoy her." "Whereas, the best way was to stand in front of her and fold up a road map the wrong way." "You're happy" "I've just got a text from Laura." "Well, five texts, although I could only read the first one." "I hate this machine." "Turns out she's coming here." "I thought she was going to Mumbai." "She's taking a diversion to see her old man." "In his natural habitat." "That's wonderful." "So the two of you will finally get to meet." "And she can see for herself that all the things I've told her about you are true." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Oh." "(LAUGHING) Mmm." "Oh." "I hear you're going to dance tonight." "We met before." "I'm Lavinia." "Lavinia." "Absolutely. (CHUCKLES)" "You're probably thinking I'm a little young to be staying at the Marigold." "Either that or your plastic surgeon's a genius. (LAUGHING)" "I'm...quite interested in your new place." "Come by again sometime." "Maybe I will." "Or maybe I won't." "That means I will." "SONNY:" "Mummyji." "Guy Chambers has chosen you." "A great mystery for another time." "But the moment he beckons, you mustjoin him on the dance floor to throw some shapes." "I don't think so." "Why not?" "The man is so handsome he has me urgently questioning my own sexuality." "What's left of our hopes for the hotel are in his hands." "So, please, take one for the team." "Are you pimping out your own mother?" "No, no, not at all." "No." "Although, yes." "(EXCLAIMS IN DISMAY)" "Ah!" "Madge." "I can't find Carol anywhere." "Norman, quick, kiss me." "What?" "You know you want to." "I don't want to." "Well, I wouldn't mind but..." "I'm sorry, Norman." "I can't do this." "I'm in love with someone else." "Fair enough." "I'm breaking your heart." "I'm sorry." "I'll get over it." "Forgive me." "Now, have either of you seen Carol?" "Ihonesﬂythought it might help." "I thought if I could see them at the same time," "I'd know which one I preferred which port in the storm I'd choose." "But it didn't work out that way." "Some you win, my lady, and some you learn." "And I don't know why, but I rather snubbed his kind invitation to go with him to Mumbai." "Where, as it turns out, I'm going anyway." "So we'd actually be there together." "(SIGHS)" "I don't know if I'm excited or terrified." "Sometimes it seems to me that the difference between what we want and what we fear is the width of an eyelash." "I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" "Oh, the hearing's gone then, obviously." "Yeah, along with yourbackbone." "I don't know why I tell you anything." "Because I'm older and wiser." "19 days older." "That's the entire lifespan of a wasp." "(SOFTLY) Go on, talk to him." "Look, we don't have to dance." "We could just talk." "Well, we start by you telling me what your name is." "It's Mrs. Kapoor." "That's all I get?" "Mmm-hmm." "That's all you get." "Huh." "Alright, um..." "Um..." "Okay, I'm 64." "lam single and my wife left me a couple of years ago." "I don't know why." "Uh, I'm generally kinder to people than to animals." "Not that I'm mean to animals, I'm not." "I like animals." "Especially dogs." "What do you want from me?" "I don't know, just a little back and forth." "A little..." "I went, now you go." "What do you really want?" "(CHUCKLES) I don't know." "I don't know." "I prefer cats." "I figured." "Have dinner with me." "Whenever you want." "We can go tomorrow night." "Night after that." "That's..." "Or I could book a table right here, if you want?" "What makes you think I'll say yes?" "I'm hoping you already did." "Just not out loud." "SAMARTH ON MIC:" "Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests the moment you've all been waiting for." "Please welcome to the dance floor, Jay and Kush..." "She is totally frosting him." "The evening's a disaster." "This is our night, Sonny." "Ours." "(CROWD CHEERING)" "(INDIAN SONG PLAYING)" "(GUESTS GASPING)" "Nobody...nobody panic." "Are you okay?" "NORMAN:" "It's just a little outage." "Soon have it sorted." "MURIEL:" "You better pray I don't find you in the dark." "I don't believe this." "Norman?" "!" "Carol, darling, where are you?" "Neither do I. It's outrageous." "Don't pretend you're not relieved." "You think I'd organize a power cut?" "The only thing you did organize." "I had more important things to see to." "What is more important than your engagement?" "If I could see where your leg is, I'd kick it." "Then I wouldn't have to dance and you could stay on the floor with your Kushti." "Who dances like he does everything..." "better than me." "Really?" "Really." "Sunaina, wait." "You're screwing up, Sonny boy." "I went to one once where the best man and the groom were found in bed together." "(LAUGHING)" "Which still went slightly better than tonight." "NORMAN:" "I'm sure I paid that bill." "CAROL: it was a power cut, it happens." "NORMAN:" "Just, please, no-one tell Madge." "No-one tell Madge what?" "Oh, God." "Douglas?" "Yes?" "Um, Laura's coming tomorrow, that's wonderful." "I can't wait to meet her." "But, absurdly, um, as it happens, I now have to go to Mumbai." "Oh." "But I was wondering I mean I was thinking that when you come for the conference we could..." "I don't know how long I'm going to be there but the time that I am perhaps we could..." "Hello, Dad." "Darling!" "JEAN:" "Hello, Douglas." "Darling?" "!" "Hello, Evelyn." "It was all so delightfully last minute." "Yes, a bit of warning would have been nice." "You didn't get my texts?" "I hate that machine." "Laura's giving a speech at an international conference." "Aren't you, darling?" "About the exponential growth of internet start-ups and the consequent effect on..." "I'll shut up now." "And when she mentioned she'd been offered two return flights, first class, of course I couldn't resist the chance to come out and visit the old crumbling ruins." "And see how the hotel was doing as well. (LAUGHS)" "Daniel has been saying I was looking tired and could do with a holiday." "It's typically him to be so considerate and caring." "Daniel?" "Daniel Green." "He's a country solicitor." "And my boyfriend." "It was actually his idea that I come and speak about this in person." "Apparently, we have three options:" "desertion, unreasonable behavior or adultery." "A rather unholy trinity." "(CHUCKLES)" "You can take your pick." "I don't understand." "Daniel's proposed to me, Douglas." "He's asked me to marry him." "I'm here to get a divorce." "(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)" "SONNY:" "Ms. Lavinia Beech." "LAVINIA:" "Here." "Yes, thank you." "SONNY:" "Mr. Guy Chambers." "I am here." "Mrs. Jean and Miss Laura Ainslie." "You can see us!" "Mr. Douglas Ainslie." "DOUGLAS:" "Here, I'm here." "Yeah." "SONNY:" "Mrs. Muriel Donnelly." "What's left." "SONNY:" "Mrs. Madge Hardcastle." "Present." "Still fuming." "Mrs. Evelyn Greenslade." "Mrs. Evelyn Green..." "Can't find her." "She's gone." "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "This is very exciting." "EVELYN:" "Not too short notice, I hope." "You've been to Mumbai before, surely?" "Oh, yes, many times." "Very many times." "So you've never been?" "Never" "But I've got many relatives there." "Yes." "Hari, I wonder, could you do me a favor from now on?" "I think it's important if we're going to be working together." "Could you always just tell me the truth?" "Very well." "But I must warn you, Miss Evelyn I'll be the only one doing that." "These are serious business negotiations." "No more playing on the porch with the puppies." "You're a big dog now." "NORMAN:" "Carol!" "Taxi!" "Sunaina you're waiting for an apology." "You deserve one." "Although the power cut was not of my doing I nevertheless plunged the night into darkness." "For that there is no excuse and I am completely and sincerely sorry." "Thank you." "In my defense..." "You said there was no excuse!" "...Kushal is machinating against me." "Because he bought a building?" "He didn't even know you were interested in it." ""Coincidence" is just a word for when we cannot see the bigger plan." "All your guests are happy here." "Nobody is going anywhere else." "Let us delay this conversation until the moment I'm proved right when perhaps it will be your turn to apologize to me." "Dear Mr. Chambers." "I have your breakfast." "GUY:" "Ah, wonderful." "Excuse me." "A little patience, please, dear lady." "What would you like, Miss Beech?" "Could I have a cup of tea, please?" "I'll get you a fresh pot." "Just hot water and a teabag on the side would be marvelous." "Lavinia was curious about that new place you showed us." "The Supreme Quality, was that the name?" "I don't recall." "Kushal thought the lift might be rather a bonus for my darling mum." "Six stairs without a rest is about all she can manage now." "Maybe we should take another look." "And also because the new proprietor is quite handsome. (LAUGHS)" "Truly, madam, you're on fire today." "Can't you make this thing go any faster?" "My pedal is to the metal, boss." "Look, I'll give you everything in my wallet." "I'll give you my wallet." "Okay." "Then let's go through the floor." "BABUL:" "Left or right, madam?" "I'm sorry, what?" "Uh, when we reach the turning, with which gentleman do you wish to spend your time?" "Oh, um, left." "How's your niece doing?" "She's bored and frustrated." "Her first question to the doctor was whether she would still be able to dance." "Is she good?" "She makes movement into magic." "You have no children yourself?" "I did not marry, madam." "I just never fell in love." "Didn't stop me." "Stop here!" "Hey, wait!" "Wait!" "Listen." "Whatever I said to you the other night, you have got to forget it." "Oh, my very generous friend!" "No, no." "The deal is off." "Do you understand?" "It is over!" "You want to do a deal with me?" "We can do deal, sir." "(TU K-TUK DEPARTING)" "You...haven't understood a word of what I've been talking about, have you?" "You you just. ..brought her to work." "Yes." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Ah." "NORMAN:" "Darling..." "DOUGLAS:" "So do we have this clear?" "ASSISTANT:" "Very clear, Uncle." "DOUGLAS:" "Are you sure?" "ASSISTANT:" "Very sure, Uncle." "DOUGLAS:" "We're not messing this up." "ASSISTANT:" "Categorically not." "Because this is showtime." "So, let's run through it again." "I stay here with the computer." "You go in the garden and I'll dictate to you so that no-one discovers that your mind is empty." "Good." "And when your friends invite you to play with them?" "I'll tell them where to stick their ball." "JEAN:" "This is terribly exciting." "I was too exhausted to do much tourism the first time." "The irony of depression." "Tired all day and awake all night. (LAUGHS)" "Now I sleep wonderfully." "Although one does rather miss a rose on one's pillow in the morning." "Have you met Daniel?" "Mum keeps promising." "I'm saving him up." "Have you thought about our conversation last night?" "Which option are you plumping for?" "The thing is as I recall, you deserted me and I'm not sure I was entirely unreasonable." "It'll have to be adultery, then." "Not guilty." "Yes, but surely, by now..." "Mum!" "That's a sorry state of affairs." "What on earth are you waiting for?" "Is that why she left so suddenly?" "Oh, look, there's your fan club." "I think she actually went to start her new job." "What a busy little pensioner bee she is." "(CHUCKLES)" "FACTORY OWNER:" "This is a process that takes many weeks and involves 12 separate dyes to produce the finished product." "The intricate patterns require 40 passes over the cloth and each pass involves the entire length of the table." "There are 8 tables in this room and 24 in all." "We will process around 2,000 meters of cloth in a day." "And as you know, ma'am, the workforce is highly skilled." "The best that can be found in all India." "Please, follow me." "Be honest." "This man took one look at me and thinks he can charge us double." "No." "No?" "Four times." "Read this and learn it fast." "And when I run my fingers through my hair, say it with great authority." "FACTORY OWNER:" "I'm sorry." "I cannot go below 50,000 per crate." "My costs will not permit it." "EVELYN: 30 really is the most we can offer." "I'm not sure you understand the work involved." "I understand perfectly, but 30 is our limit." "Then we can do no business." "I thank you and your assistant for coming here." "He's my partner, not my assistant and he has full authority to conduct this negotiation himself." "Of course." "My friend we can get four for this price anywhere else." "You're just asking more because it's her" "You think because you're with this white woman that you've climbed a treetop?" "You think her white hair is going to fluster me?" "Don't talk rubbish!" "Just because you've caught hold of some old white buffalo you think I'm going to give in ...?" "!" "(SPEAKING HINDI)" "Every single word ...?" "25,000 Rupees Done." "EVELYN"." "What did I say?" "That you understood every word he was saying and he should have more respect for his elders." "Well, he does now." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "I thought you'd have left for the Sangeet already." "Where have you been?" "I was working late." "You'd gone before I woke up." "I was working early." "And I did tell you, darling." "Right." "You've missed me, you sweet man." "Let me get changed, hmm?" "We'll go together." "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "(INAUDIBLE)" "MURIEL:" "Are you not worried about him?" "There's no point in worrying if there's nothing you can do." "Sonny, in a few days we will all be one family." "And in this family, we do not tell each other what to do." "We talk to each other, beta." "We listen." "Guys, I know you're worried, but it will be okay." "I will find another hotel into which we can expand." "Why don't you just talk to Kush." "Okay?" "Please, Sonny, talk to him." "Just listen to what he has to say." "And just like that, another good party dies a death." "Sonny, thanks for hearing me out." "I want us to form a partnership." "Outsourcing old age." "It's a brilliant idea." "It's brilliant and it's working." "But to keep growing, you've got to have somewhere to grow into." "You were going to buy the hotel." "I'm proposing we own it together." "As part of the company we form together, equal partners." "I know you began this journey on your own, but you've gone as far as you can without help." "Without me." "What do you say?" "I can see you're talking now, Kushal." "Your lips are moving." "But all I hear is the soft hiss of treachery and betrayal." "This was your plan all along." "I had no plan!" "Mrs. Donnelly, can you please talk to this guy?" "JAMUNA:" "What's your advice, Mrs. Donnelly?" "Never to give any." "Listen, think about it, take some time." "Long as you want." "Five minutes?" "(LAUGHS)" "Five is more than enough." "Is there really nothing you can do?" "MRS. KAPOOR:" "Are you really writing a book?" "(GUY CHUCKLING) Well, I'm trying, yeah." "My son thinks you're not who you say you are." "Is that why you came?" "So tell me about your book." "Ah, okay." "Well..." "The story's changed quite a bit." "It was meant to be a story about the end of things but now maybe it's about the beginning of them." "It's about a man who whose life has fallen apart and he's done what people do when they've been bruised." "He circles the wagons, he shuts down." "But now he's, he's come somewhere very far away and suddenly he's awake." "His blood is moving." "He's..." "It's the place, it's the extraordinary place." "But mostly it's this person that he's met there." "And how does..." "How does she feel?" "(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)" "Well, she doesn't know." "Not immediately, of course not." "That would be kind of a short story if she did." "I think that she's scared." "And I'm sure that she was an incredibly..." "beautiful young woman and she knows she's not that young anymore." "Although to him to him she looks wonderful." "But she wouldn't trust him if he said that, so..." "Actually, I don't think she trusts anybody, really." "Least of all herself, which is probably a sign that she's become become someone who she doesn't really wanna be." "And every day that goes by makes it harder to remember that she once was passionate, willful." "She disapproves of those things." "Now she fears them." "Which is why he's not pushing." "For now..." "For now he just wants an evening with her." "And another." "To see what happens." "That's my story." "Or at least what I know of it so far." "(SIGHS)" "Shall we write the next chapter?" "SONNY:" "I don't know what to do, Mrs. Donnelly." "I used always to dream of the future but now all I see is him in front of me." "Looking back and laughing." "Having taken from me my livelihood and my Sunaina." "You know, there's a long list of things I don't care for." "Doctors, sunburn." "Mosquitoes." "People who outstay their welcome." "I could go on forever." "But there is one thing... .Hlcannotbear and that's self-pity." "It destroys everything around it." "Now don't be that idiot." "Don't let that happen." "Then tell me what to do, madam." "You have to work that out on your own." "Why, when you are here?" "So you can do it when I'm not." "Evening all." "Oh, good evening, Mrs. Hardcastle." "In before midnight." "Only two customers." "I finished my shift early." "I felt like being alone." "Oh, call for the doctor, Sonny." "Nimish asked me to marry him this morning." "And Abhilash did the same this afternoon." "Decision time." "Your mother was one of the customers." "It appears she won the Mr. Chambers lottery." "I didn't even realize she was playing." "Congratulations would have been nice." "(SIGHS)" "(MOPED ENGINE STARTING)" "I'm looking for my mother, Mr. Dharuna." "And her dinner companion." "Ibefievethey were here tonight." "I could not possibly say, sir." "Did they leave together?" "The Viceroy Club values discretion above all else, sir." "You cannot put a price on it." "1,000 rupees." "They went into one of the bedrooms, sir." "You have bedrooms?" "Yes." "For when our members get tired." "Or fortunate." "Thank you." "Pleasure doing business with you." "MRS. KAPOOR:" "Sonny?" "What are you doing here?" "(SCOFFS) I think that's my line, Mummyji." "I came to speak to the inspector." "I have business to discuss with him." "What kind of business?" "I need to know if I can rely on his support with or without the Supreme Quality Hotel." "He's not an inspector." "If that's what he's saying, he's lying to you." "I don't think so." "I don't want to see you hurt, Mummyji." "I can take care of myself, beta." "And your business can wait till the morning." "Go home now." "RECEPTIONIST:" "ls there anything else I can get you for morning?" "JEAN:" "I'd like breakfast in my room at 9:00, please." "And Earl Grey tea with pasteurized milk." "That's very important." "Anyone for a quick drink before bed?" "I'd quite like a walk along the bay." "It's one of the sights, after all." "Especially at night." "What a lovely idea." "Shall we come?" "Oh, well, yes, of course." "I mean, if you..." "(STAMMERING)" "Douglas, I was joking." "I'd rather walk naked through the fiery flames of hell." "Bye, darling." "Practically the same thing." "Shall we go up?" "She checked out, sir." "I beg your pardon?" "Mrs. Greenslade checked out earlier, sir." "DOUGLAS:" "Did she say where she was going?" "RECEPTIONIST:" "Not to me, sir." "Very, very sorry." "DOUGLAS:" "Okay." "Okay" "HARI:" "I tell you, he turned white as a sheet." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "And the silly thing is I don't have enough hair to run my hand through." "See?" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Your cousin was brilliant today." "It was the Hindi scolding that did the job." "I thought my mother has walked into the room." "Thank you, that was delicious." "Thank you." "So kind of you to put me up." "When you live in a hotel, you rather crave an alternative occasionally." "It is our pleasure to welcome our cousin and his friend to Mumbai." "Namaste." "Namaste." "(SPEAKING HINDI)" "There's no welcome like an Indian welcome." "It is genuine." "(CHUCKLES)" "That was rubbish about the hotel." "The truth is that I checked out because there's something I can't deal with at the moment." "For reasons that are utterly stupid and feeble." "I'm only telling you because you don't know the person involved." "Mr. Douglas." "My friend is mending his bike." "He's a good man." "And a brave one." "Far braver than me." "Who fails to give him back even half of what he deserves." "I want to say to him, "Just give me time and I'll get there."" "If I wasn't so useless, that's what I'd say." ""Just give me a bit more time."" "How much time do you have?" "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "NORMAN:" "Just had an idea." "Why don't I pop by the agency today, take you out to lunch?" "Oh, not today, darling." "Busy,busy,busy." "I'll probably just have a sandwich at my desk." "I could bring it to you." "(CAROL CHUCKLES) You are so sweet." "Good morning." "Morning, Miss Beech." "How are you today?" "Not bad at all." "Kushal and I rather painted the town red." "Might I have some of that, please?" "Now, Sunaina are you allowed to tell me about your dress or is... (IN AMERICAN ACCENT) Oh Jesus!" "God, that's hot!" "What the heck were you... (ANOKHIAPOLOGIZING IN HINDI)" "I'm so sorry, Miss Beech." "Are you alright?" "(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Oh, no." "No, it's no problem." "(SUNAINA SPEAKING IN HINDI)" "LAVINIA:" "Honestly." "It was my fault." "Hello, Dad." "Morning, darling." "You look tired." "Did you not sleep?" "I've been trying to learn my speech for the wedding." "Thought I'd do it note-free." "Never say die and all that." "Until you die, obviously." "Um, darling..." "What?" "I went to look for a friend last night." "Evelyn." "Yes." "I was hoping to meet her properly." "She checked out." "As in..." "I think she went back to Jaipur." "Then what are you waiting for?" "But I'm here." "I came here to see your speech." "Oh, bollocks to that!" "You wouldn't understand a word." "Dad." "You've spent your life seeking out people who can stop you being happy." "Doing the things you want to do." "Don't put that on me too." "Don't make me even more like mum than I am already." "You have all the good bits, all the brilliant bits." "Go on." "I'll make it alright with her." "Go." "Yes." "Thank you." "Bye." "MADGE:" "I've bought a present for your niece." "Something from the market." "I hope that's alright." "BABUL:" "Much more than alright." "Good." "Will you give it to her?" "Of course." "Actually, wait a minute." "Which way is your house?" "This way." "She's my sister." "Namaste." "My brother." "My cousin sisters." "Namaste." "My cousin brothers." "And 3 of my friends." "Namaste." "Namaste." "My uncle." "Namaste." "My auntie." "Namaste." "And, uh..." "Hello, darling." "(BOTH SPEAKING HINDI)" "She still wants to read your book." "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "Your uncle told me how very brave you're being and I thought you deserved a reward." "(SPEAKING HINDI)" "What you do is wind her up like this." "And then, very gently... (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)" "(SIGHS)" "That was me when I was her age." "Twirling away." "I wasn't bad, I don't think, but I gave it up." "Just like most things in my life." "Which is your house?" "Uh..." "White house." "I was born there." "So was she and her sisters." "My sister." "My whole family." "What a lovely place to have lived." "I'm very happy you came." "So...what happened last night?" "You left in a hurry." "I went to talk to the inspector." "And?" "His mind was on other matters." "Because he's not the inspector." "No, Lavinia Beech is." "Except her name's not Lavinia and she's American." "And you've done nothing but show her the back of your hand since she got here." "That is absolutely not true." "My God, that is true." "Excuse me." "Ah, Miss..." "Miss..." "Miss..." "Miss..." "Beech." "Miss Beech." "How delightful to see you." "Might I ask most humbly if you have plans for today and, if so, can I feature in them?" "I was actuallyjust on my way to see Kushal." "And is that, if so bold I might be, for the purposes of business or pleasure?" "Both, really." "No offense, but I think in the end the Supreme Quality will just suit my mother perfectly." "Please, madam, I'll give you a better room." "One that's finished." "Sonny." "I heard you were looking for me?" "Room 6 will shortly be available." "I'm in room 6." "You are?" "She is?" "A lot's been going on." "I'm sorry, no." "So, Mr. Chambers." "Could you hold on a sec, Miss Beech?" "The great Mr. Chambers." "The great writer Mr. Chambers." "Sure, if you like." "I do not like, sir." "I do not like one bit!" "What did you wanna tell me?" "To leave this hotel and never darken its towels again." "You lied, sir." "He did not lie." "You pretended not to be something you weren't." "There was an inspector. ltjust wasn't him." "It was that one." "Lavinia." "Except that's not your name, is it?" "(IN AMERICAN ACCENT) No." "My name's Theresa." "I knew that I knew you." "You work for the competition." ""Golden Years," right?" "Correct." "How did you know that?" "It's his business to know." "And ours to know what he's up to." "Please explain." "She is a hotel inspector." "Just not the one that they were worried about." "That would be me." "I told you." "The nose knew." "While there are patterns we can study to mitigate the amplitude of the extreme highs and lows that characterize any entrepreneurial journey, they'll come anyway." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "But don't let that stop you because the highs like being here today with you all, make everything worthwhile." "Just get in the game." "I'll see you in the bar." "Thank you." "(ALL APPLAUDING)" "They were riveted." "Riveted, they were." "No, really." "Thank you." "Laura's success continues, evidently." "Yes, I'm very proud of her." "It's a shame Douglas couldn't be here to enjoy it." "What exactly is your job here?" "Sourcing fabrics and liaising between the merchants and the company I work for." "Ooh, doesn't that just trip off the tongue." "Oh, it's easier to say than to do." "Well, you look as if you're handling it." "I must say, I admire what you've made of yourself here." "Thank you." "There's only one thing puzzling me." "Douglas pleaded not guilty to adultery." "Why would that be?" "Do you not fancy him?" "Even when I could hardly stand the man," "I still found him rather attractive." "In some ways rather more so than Daniel." "Well, Douglas has one great advantage over Daniel which is that he actually exists." "Daniel exists." "He does." "Oh, if you say so." "I work in his office." "I've started doing clerical stuff, Tuesdays and Thursdays just to keep the ends meeting." "Money doesn't stretch as far in Reigate as in Rajasthan." "Daniel knows my name, of course, we're a small team." "But he hasn't proposed, I grant you that." "That's why I want the divorce." "I can hardly expect a man to want to go out with me while I'm still married." "What do you suppose we should do for our first date?" "I'm too embarrassed to ask Laura." "A film?" "A shared experience." "Something to talk about afterwards." "Which will prevent any possible awkwardness." "Oh, there won't be any awkwardness." "No, I don't suppose there will be." "There are some people into whose laps the good things in life fall." "I'm not one of them." "Coming out here finally taught me that." "So, if the good things won't come on their own," "I must make them." "And that's what I intend to do." "DOUGLAS: ...given them roots and now they can..." "Sonny and Sunaina's wonderful families have given them roots and now..." "(SIGHS)" "Sunaina?" "You can't come in." "I don't want you to see the dress until Friday." "I need my clipboard." "You know the names of the guests." "Why do you need a clipboard?" "It's just an excuse to come in." "I must apologize to you." "You apologized already." "I mean it more now." "And I promise you three things." "I promise I will properly rehearse the wedding dance." "I promise I'll wear the turban your mother chose for the ceremony." "And I promise I'll be a better husband than fiancé." "Good...because you're a terrible fiancé." "Listen to me." "If there is ever a time in our life together when I find myself attracted to another man or even confused a little, I will always tell you." "And that way, you know that I will never, ever act on it." "I don't find Kush attractive." "His ears are too close to his head." "I hoped you would find his offer of a partnership more attractive." "But that is up to you." "Have you seen my other shoe, darling?" "Hmm?" "If you don't tell me what's been the problem for the last few days, lWlneedit to kick you with." "Your shoe's under the bed." "And you're having an affair." "Oh, so it is." "Wonderful." "I said I know you're sleeping with someone else." "Of course I am, darling." "Aren't you?" "What about that twitchy little witch at the club?" "Susan." "Obviously you've both been at it like rabbits for weeks now." "No." "I mean no!" "Well, why not?" "What's been stopping you?" "Well, you have." "What?" "That's not fair." "Do you mean I didn't need to be carrying on with any of these men?" "There's more than one?" "I am only out there because I thought you were." "Look, I'm not "out" at all." "I couldn't be more "in."" "You know, when we met you said you were lonely." "I was. it doesn't mean I was celibate." "I don't want to be that lonely again, Norman." "Neither do I." "SONNY: (SHOUTING) Mr. Norman Cousins and Miss Carol Parr." "BOTH:" "Both here!" "SONNY:" "Miss Theresa Beech." "Present." "If no longer correct." "SONNY:" "Miss Madge Hardcastle." "Here." "SONNY:" "Mrs. Muriel Donnelly." "Just about." "Mr. Douglas Ainslie." "Learning my speech." "A couple of days, I'll be fine." "SONNY:" "Mrs. Evelyn Greenslade." "Not back yet." "Which is a surprise." "Mr. Guy Chambers." "GUY:" "Now whether you want my good wishes or not you'll have them on your wedding day." "Thank you." "I don't care what you are." "I still would." "How will you rate us?" "Not that it matters now, but what will the report say?" "Shall I be frank?" "A welcome change." "To say that there is huge room for improvement in the running of this hotel would be to understate the surreally haphazard nature of your operation." "Thank you...for your feedback." "But the fact that you get away with it... (SCOFFS) ...I mean, it's a testament to the to the reservoirs of affection in which you're held by the residents here." "No-one can put a price on that." "So, I would have said that with a new and better-equipped facility like the Supreme Quality you would have had my endorsement." "Would have?" "Well, I'm resigning." "My position is totally compromised here." "I see." "But you've got another inspector right here." "I don't like the people she works for but if that's the only game in town..." "We've spoken already." "Her recommendation is also based upon the acquisition of the Supreme Quality Hotel." "Why don't you just do a deal with him?" "If only for the sake of your beautiful bride." "Right, well I'll be, I'll be staying at the Viceroy until my plane leaves." "Could you..." "Would you please tell your mother..." "Would you please tell her that I'm quitting my job?" "What are you going to do?" "Write my book." "She knows the story." "Mr. Chambers." "Allow me to offer you a lift to the Viceroy Club." "Vikram's beautiful minibus awaits." "Please." "Good." "Careful." "You'll never get back up again." "Well, you're still in one slightly sagging piece, I see." "Barely." "The plane was diverted just before landing." "A cow on the runway." "Not exactly the way I always wanted to go." "Death by cow." "I suppose it would make people sit up and take notice." "Yeah, I wouldn't want that." "I'd like everyone to turn around one day and realize I've already gone." "Tell me about Mumbai." "Did you find your spine?" "Well, I'm taking the job." "I thought I wouldn't." "I thought..." ""How many new lives can we have?"" "And then I thought, "As many as we like." While we can." "Be a lot of traveling." "How else could I come home afterwards?" "You'd be missed." "You do know that?" "You must know that." "Anyway, Mrs. Greenslade, the wedding is nearly upon us." "You got your glad rags ready?" "I'm a bit nervous, actually." "It's a big day." "For all of us." "MURIEL:" "I never understood why anyone would want to get married." "I barely found a bugger I could spend a week with let alone a life." "(ALL CHEERING)" "But I've been looking forward to this." "And it turns out some things really are worth the wait." "(WHOOPING)" "I'm not good with special occasions or the gifts that go with them." "So you'll have to make do with this letter instead." "Written from the heart to the children I never had." "(ALL APPLAUDING)" "I said at your party, I don't do advice." "I do opinions." "And my opinion of the groom is this:" "...he gets plenty wrong but never when it counts." "And when he's right..." "My friends it is something to behold." "...I must tell you, the reception cannot take place at the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel." "(PEOPLE GASPING)" "A bride as radiant as this one deserves a more splendid setting for her wedding party and I have just the place." "Please, step into Vikram's beautiful minibus." "And for those who are less close to it, or just move slower you may use either of his cousin's and together we shall ride to my new hotel!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "Don't look at me." "No, no, no." "Don't look at him." "Although, as the future unfolds, perhaps we will also take the Supreme Quality Hotel under our wing and my old friend Kushal shall find himself working but a short distance beneath me... ."suchisthelevel of my victorious magnanimity." "But for now, to your chariots!" "And let us travel to the newjewel in my crown!" "The apple of my eye!" "Let us travel to the pearl in my oyster!" "No longer the Viceroy Club but my gift on her wedding day to the girl of my dreams, where I will welcome you." "Ladies and gentle gentlemen..." "Oh, yes." "...to the Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel!" "That is for you!" "Come!" "(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)" "You see?" "Ladies and Germs..." "(CHUCKLING)" "(STAMMERING) ..." "I wonder if I could have your attention just for a moment." "I have a few words I'd like to say:" "I cannot rest from travel:" "...I will drink Life to the lees" "AH times have I enjoyed greatly..." "For always roaming with a hungry heart" "Much have I seen and known;" "I am a part of all that I have met;" "Life piled on life Were all too little, ...and of one to me" "Little remains:" "but every hour is saved" "From that eternal silence, something more," "A bringer of new things." "wens) Um..." "A few words of Alfred, Lord Tennyson speaking to something which we all know, and should never forget." "That every hour brings new things." "ASSISTANT:" "And Sonny and Sunaina have today announced that they want to face those hours... (DOUGLAS REPEATING TO AUDIENCE) ...those things, this life together." "...those things, this life together." "And it's a privilege to be able to send them on their way in such remarkable style." "Actually, talking of style..." "(DOUGLAS REPEATING WORDS) ...I had a fairytale wedding myself." "I had a fairy tale wedding myself." "Although mine was Grimm." "ASSISTANT:" "Pause for laugh." "Moving on..." "The two things we can give our children, it seems to me it seems to me, are roots and wings." "And Sonny and Sunaina's wonderful families have given them roots..." "And now... ...they can take flight together." "Read this." "(STAMMERING) ...and as they embark on this..." "Vegetarian, non-vegetarian journey, um, yeah, uh journey on which we send them with all our love and, and, and tremendous you know not obviously..." "ASSISTANT:" "This is what the the young..." "This is what the young make us remember..." "For this is what the young make us remember that in the end that in the end, it's all very simple that all it takes is to look into someone's eyes and say..."Yes..." "..."this is what I want."" "And for them to reply "it's what I want, too "and there's nothing to be afraid of."" "Evelyn and I would like to wish the two of you all the love and luck in the world." "And so say all of us." "Sonny and Sunaina!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "If you really want to try monogamy, even though I think it's for the young and very naive I suppose we could give it a go." "Norman?" "You lied to me." "Well..." "(SIGHS) ...well, I'm not a hotel inspector anymore and I am gonna write that book." "So, actually, everything I said was true... just a few days early, that's all." "What about your wife?" "Well that, that was true already." "You were my first since my husband died." "You weren't the first." "But I think you could be the last." "Please Chandrima." "Sonny told me." "I'm gonna kill that boy." "Thank you for coming." "You called." "Left or right, my lady?" "Sorry?" "When we reach the turning, do you want to go left or right?" "What do you do when you're faced with a difficult decision?" "I don't believe there is such a thing." "Throw a coin in the air and we always know which side we want it to land." "Hmm." "Left or right, my lady?" "Mrs. Donnelly?" "Mrs. Donnelly?" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Are you in there, madam?" "Piss off back to your wedding." "I'm having a rest." "Yes." "Of course." "Sorry to disturb." "Did you forget your dancing shoes?" "No, madam." "Then go and knock them dead." "Yes, madam." "Sonny..." "I'm going." "I'm going." "(MOPED DEPARTING)" "(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)" "BURLEY:" "ls there no-one on reception?" "I thought this was a hotel?" "What are you doing here?" "Checking on my investment." "You've come to the wrong place." "I don't think so." "I couldn't find you at the party." "How are you, Mrs. Donnelly?" "Why did you come here, really?" "To pay my respects to you." "There's nothing I admire more than someone planting trees under whose shade they may never get to sit." "Others will." "That's what counts." "How long are you staying?" "I fly tomorrow morning." "It's a punishing itinerary, I'm afraid." "In which of your hotels do you think I should spend the night?" "Second or the first?" "I don't think you'll get a lot of sleep over there." "L I have to deliver this..." "then I'll check you in." "Thank you, Mrs. Donnelly." "(INDIAN MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)" "MURIEL:" "I know you'll understand me missing the reception and I hope you'll forgive me for not coming to say goodbye." "Go and have the honeymoon you deserve." "I'm sure there'll be somebody there to see you off." "Thank you." "There is no such thing as an ending." "Just a place where you leave the story." "And it's your story now." "I spent 40 years scrubbing floors and the last months of my life as co-manager of a hotel halfway across the world." "You have no idea now what you will become." "Don't try and control it." "Let go." "That's when the fun starts." "Because as I once heard someone say there's no present like the time."