"HARRIET:" "For thou art with me;" "thy rod and thy staff they comfort me..." "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies... (DISTANT ALARM BLARES)" "RADIO: # CHER:" "If I Could Turn Back Time" "(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)" "RADIO DJ:" "It's Monday, it's 9am and that was synthetic cannon-straddler Cher turning back time to 1989" " If I Could Turn Back Time." "(HUMS CHER SONG)" "Hey!" "Morning, campers." "Are we all set?" "We certainly are." "Uniform in there?" "Yep." "All freshly ironed." "It's so good of you to do this with him." "Are you kidding?" "He might be too young for the real thing, but if Leo can't go to Rabbit Ranger Camp, Rabbit Ranger Camp will come to Leo." "Well, it won't because we are going somewhere, but you know..." "Uh-la-la-la." "Just..." "Oh, hi." "Where have you been?" "I missed you this morning." "Breakfast." "You do remember we have our own kitchen?" "OK." "Erm, is Paddy's going?" "He's packing my car even as we speak." "Course he is." "I didn't think he'd miss it." "No, Paddy doesn't miss anything." "Am I anywhere near Wylie's Farm?" "Erm..." "Sort of." "Hang on." "Kisses for Mummy." "Kisses for Pierce." "(CHUCKLES) Hey..." "To the wilderness!" "All right, mate." "Just keep following the road..." "So, shall we talk about what happened or should we carry on pretending that you didn't just completely ignore my little boy?" "I didn't ignore him." "Well, you didn't acknowledge him in any meaningful way." "Oh." "That's what you want from me, is it?" "Yes." "Always." "At the very least." "Always?" "Really?" "All right, Pierce." "What is this really about?" "I've been asking myself the same thing and I'm still not sure." "You thought you'd be mean to Leo on the off chance he deserved it?" "Is it because of your insecurity?" "My what?" "Or is it some strange compulsion you have to...push me away, to treat me badly?" "Hang on a minute." "I'm not the one who went for breakfast in the cafe." "I'm not the one talking in riddles." "So spit out what you're getting at and tell me what the problem is or drop it entirely and perk the hell up." "What I'm getting at is yesterday's school play." "But the real problem, I think, actually, is something else." "CAR STEREO: # MO:" "Final Song" "# Please, won't you wait?" "Won't you stay?" "# At least until the sun goes down" "# When you're gone, I lose faith" "# I lose everything I have found" "# Heart strings, violins... #" "(STEREO OFF)" "Hiya." "What was that?" "Oh, nothing." "You all right?" "Yeah, yeah." "You're gonna make a great Rabbit Ranger when you join." "Been telling you that, haven't I?" "We'll teach you everything we know about camping." "Everyth" "What do we know about camping?" "Oh, the...the tents..." "We'll get a book." "Better get a few." "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "Did you get the uniform?" "Certainly did." "April ordered it off the Internet." "So you left April with your credit card and put her online?" "Note to self must check that... ..quite urgently.  (CHUCKLES)" "Better get some snacks for this one." "Whoa." "You can help me with the tent first." "What, on account of it weighing all of seven grams?" "(SCOFFS) Stand aside, madam." "(GRUNTS WITH EFFORT) Watch it." "Sorry." "Give it here." "I've got it now." "I've got it now!" "Do you know what?" "This is gonna be brilliant." "It's gonna be amazing." "Get him in the car." "I'll pack these up." "OK." "When your trip came up... (SIGHS) .." "I invited Paddy along instead of you." "My trip got put back." "Yes, I know but I'd already given him the ticket." "What was I supposed to do?" "Ask for it back." "Or explain the situation." "He'd have given it to you." "He offered, actually." "Yeah, course he did." "He's such a great bloke(!" ")" "Do you know why I didn't tell you Paddy was going?" "Partly because I knew you'd be like this." "Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the amazing mindreading vet." "Was I wrong?" "And partly - mostly - because at that point I'd already told Leo." "No." "No, this...this is not about Leo." "Everything in my life is about Leo." "How very disappointing that you don't know that." "And how very disappointing that you use him as an excuse to cover your pitiful, lingering feelings for your ex." "Paddy has been a massive part of Leo's life!" "How am I ever supposed to be when you're constantly freezing me out?" "Constantly?" "As in this happens every single time Leo is in a school play that's on a day you have a business trip whose itinerary gets changed?" "You are making me so glad I stayed." "You didn't stay for us!" "You stayed because your flight got changed to tomorrow." "Maybe I'll change it to today!" "A day less of this?" "Please, no(!" ")" "A day more with Paddy?" "You'll be thrilled!" "Paddy is away." "You would know that if you'd paid more attention to Leo earlier." "I would have done if you paid slightly less attention to Paddy." "Do you know what?" "Just go." "I'll see you Friday then." "I wouldn't count on it." "I might just stay on." "Is that a threat?" "Cos it sounds more like a treat." "Well, the longer the better for you then." "Absolutely." "So glad I can finally make you happy." "Oh, and all it took was you getting lost." "(DOOR OPENS)" "(DOOR CLOSES)" "RADIO: # VAN MORRISON:" "Sweet Thing" "# Into the night-time sky" "# And count the stars that's shining in your eye" "# Just to dig it all and not to wonder" "# That's just fine" "# And I'll be satisfied" "# Not to read in between the lines" "# And I will walk and talk" "# In gardens all wet with rain" "# And I will never, ever, ever, ever" "# Grow so old again" "(HORN TOOTS)" "(HORN TOOTS)" "Hey!" "Knock on." "Hilarious(!" ") Yeah, thanks." "Where's Pete gone?" "In there." "Having a traumatic defecation!" "(CHUCKLES)" "What are those?" "These?" "They're books, Ross." "Uhh!" "Who are they for?" "Have a guess, hm?" "Dad." "Nerd." "Dropout." "And will you hurry up?" "Please." "# Sugar baby" "# Sugar baby" "# Sugar baby" "# With your champagne eyes... #" "BOTH: # We're going camping, we're going camping" "# We're sleeping in a tent" "# We're gonna build a massive fire" "# And if you don't like it you can get bent #" "I'm not sure about that line." "You're overthinking it, mate." "Leo, we're here." "Whoo!" "Leo, stay away from that." "Good lad." "It needs to come to you a bit." "It's not straight." "It..." "It's absolutely fine." "I'll remind you of that in the middle of the night when it collapses on our faces." "Hello." "Afternoon." "You been in them woods?" "Not yet." "Why?" "(GIGGLES)" "You're really cute, you." "What's your name?" "Knuckles." "No, I didn't..." "I meant..." "Although Knuckles is a lovely name." "You been in them woods?" "No." "We actually..." "We had a brief chat about that," "I'd say...maybe 15 seconds ago..." "Shrek!" "Shrek?" "Did you not think, when it got delivered?" "The size of the package?" "I didn't really notice." "I've been busy." "Well, you haven't." "And I'm not wearing that." "I think it'll fit." "That's not the point." "Give it here. (RUSTLING)" "We're coming, Leo." "Yeah." "CAR STEREO: # BOB SEGER:" "Night Moves" "(HORN TOOTS)" "# A little too tall, could've used a few pounds" "# Tight pants, points, hardly renowned" "# She was a black-haired beauty with big dark eyes" "# And points all her own sitting way up high... #" "MARLON:" "Just give me some space." "PADDY:" "Ow!" "Uhh!" "Right." "Ready?" "It might not be what you expected." "Here we come!" "Da-da!" "One, two, three, four." "BOTH: # We're going camping, we're going camping" "# We're sleeping in a tent" "# We're gonna build a massive fire" "# And if you don't like it you can get  bent" "# We're going camping, we're going camping" "# We're gonna eat some beans" "# And I think you know as well as us, exactly what that means #" "(FARTING NOISES)" "Oh!" "(CHUCKLES)" "Um..." "Mm." "(GIGGLES)" "(GULPS)" "(DISTANT CHATTING AND LAUGHTER) Think he'll be OK with them?" "You saw his face when they mentioned building campfires." "Couldn't wait to see the back of us." "Not sure there was any need to promise him one later then." "A fire?" "Why?" "Where are we gonna get the wood?" "Oh, yeah." "Ohh!" "(TUTS) Anyway, there's no need for two of us." "There is." "There really, really is." "There really, really isn't." "We need two pe" "We could just light the stove." "We could have if you hadn't been all," ""We'll have a big fire, Leo, with wood from the forest of murder."" "Oh." "Right." "If you're gonna be this soft..." "Come on." "(COAXES) Come on." "Come on!" "There's no flipping wood." "We're, like, seven feet in." "Hey, we could say we couldn't find any." "Lie to Leo's face, you mean?" "Yeah, all right." "No, we can't." "No, no, no." "Well, unless we do." "What's that?" "(DISTANT ANIMAL CALL)" "(BREATHES HEAVILY) (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)" "There's some wood there." "Let's just get that." "Those are leaves." "Hey, why do you think he had them faces on his hands?" "Victims." "(BIRD SQUAWKS)" "(MOBILE RINGS) Argh!" "(MUSIC ON CAR STEREO)" "You what, Rhona?" "Oh, no, he's great." "He's safe." "Nice and safe." "He's at some adventure play thing." "We've come for wood." "(BIRD SQUAWKS) Arh!" "(GRUNTS CROSSLY)" "Sorry." "I um...stubbed my toe." "(DISTANT ANIMAL CALL) Did he?" "Are you?" "Leo left Wayne the dinosaur at home and Rhona's bringing him." "Rhona?" "Is she?" "Seems a bit over the top." "So..." "Rhona, how long do you think you might take, out of interest?" "OK, that's great." "See you soon." "Bye." "Ohh!" "Which way is back?" "(TWIG SNAPS)" "(GASPS SOFTLY)" "(WHIMPERS) (SNAPPING)" "(WHIMPERS) There's no signal." "(TWIG SNAPS)" "(TWIG SNAPS)" "BOTH:" "Arrrhhhh!" "Oh, hey!" "Surprise!" "What's with this?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, the nice gentleman brought us some firewood." "Is the tent pole safe now?" "Brilliant." "Thanks again." "Do you want to stay for some food?" "You been in them woods?" "(CHUCKLES) Only messing." "Have a lovely time." "Tobias!" "(MOBILE RINGS)" "Coming, Daddy." "Hello." "PIERCE:" "Rhona, I'm sorry." "Me too." "I was an idiot." "And I was insensitive." "Where are you?" "Just at home." "At the house, you mean?" "Well, that is what a home is." "Well, that and all the other stuff as well." "People." "Possessions." "Memories." "Love." "OK." "Well, um..." "I just wanted to say hello, that's all." "I'm so glad that you did." "We'll speak soon, yeah?" "Yeah." "Bye." "Bye." "Oh, no, wait." "Where are you?" "Pierce?" "I'm sorry..." "He can't just expect to come in and suddenly go to school plays." "I shouldn't have lied." "You shouldn't have had to." "I suppose I didn't have to." "Arghh!" "I'm being attacked by a sausage!" "Some couples just belong together, don't they, eh?" "Eric and Ernie." "Ant and Dec." "You and him." "Me and you." "I thought so." "I made a mistake." "No, Paddy, you did something very deliberately." "And you did it repeatedly." "People get over it." "Some do." "Why are you here...really?" "I'm here because I felt sad and lonely... ..and I wanted to see some friendly faces." "You cheered me up." "There you go, then." "All of you." "And then Pierce did even more when he called." "I'm with Pierce now, Paddy." "Not to spite you or to teach you a lesson or as some kneejerk reaction to what happened, but... ..because I want to be." "Is that going to be a problem?" "Honestly?" "Yeah, I think so." "Then you have to make sure it's just yours." "Oh, hi, Finn." "Yeah, it's Rhona." "I'm out at the camping ground just off the Hotten bypass." "Can somebody come and get me, please?" "Yeah, that'd be perfect." "All right then." "Thanks." "Bye, bye." "I could drive you back." "Thanks, but don't worry." "Just bring my car back when you come." "Right, best say my goodbyes then." "Come here, you." "Whoa, that were quick." "What wasn't clear from the last time we spoke?" "Hm?" "What she sees in you?" "Marlon, please can you take Leo and Paddy down to the river?" "I'll take Paddy down to the river." "Please do." "I'm begging you." "On account of you being Clint Eastwood now?" "Come on, Pale Rider" "I won't be far." "No, you never are." "Leo left his dinosaur." "And - wait " "I used that as an excuse to come here cos I was upset, Pierce, at how things had got." "Truthfully, I felt lonely, OK?" "And, like I just said to them,  I wanted to see a friendly face." "See one or snog one?" "We weren't snogging!" "OK?" "We were hugging." "I just told Paddy there would never be anything between us." "What about the last time you told him and the time before that?" "Did it not sink in?" "Did you forget the physical contact from those times?" "You're not being very reasonable." "Oh." "Am I not?" "I think that driving to within a mile of the airport, calling you, getting no reply, turning back and heading home to apologise for something which, at most, I was only  half to blame for is pretty reasonable behaviour." "What I should have done is shacked up with some woman in a field." "I'm some woman in a field." "Shack up with me." "I don't much care for the length of the queue." "Wait, wait!" "Stay!" "No." "Then I will come with you." "No!" "Paddy!" "Marlon!" "What was I thinking, coming here?" "You didn't think he'd stalk you." "He came to look for me because he cares." "Prisons are full of men who go looking for women because they care." "They're also full of blokes who can't let their exes go." "Excuse me, did I beg you to get in the car?" "We're not getting anywhere." "Come on, Miss Daisy." "Put your foot down." "Oh, look." "You're going to lose him." "No, we won't." "I've lost enough today." "Miss Daisy doesn't drive." "That's why it's called Driving " "Paddy!" "(TYRES SCREECH) subtitles by Deluxe"