"Okay, make a gentle 60 to the right and pull out." "We ought to go away for a couple of days." "We haven't done that in a long time." "Yeah." "Somewhere where they warm the towels." "Let me see." "Make a 30 to the left, holding altitude." "How am I doing?" "You'll pass." "Course, sleeping with the examiner doesn't hurt." "Let's go home." "What are you doing?" "Hmm?" "The signal light." "Oh, yeah." "It's, uh" " It's red." "[ Chris ] Hello, Cicely, rise and shine." "This is K-Bear, Chris in the Morning." "Hey, there's Shelly putting' out the breakfast special." "Everybody come on down and let me buy ya a free breakfast, huh?" "Today, a belated apology to the much-maligned Chicken Little." "Turns out you were right." "The sky is falling." "[ Barking ]" "The National Space Administration informs us that Uncle Sam's Comsat 4 satellite... is in a rapidly decaying orbit." "That's their way of saying a ton of angry space trash... is heading back home at 1 5,000 miles an hour." "So what does that make me think of?" "." "Makes me think of a triceratops... innocently munching a palm frond, when out of the sky, whammo.!" "A meteor sucker punches old Mother Earth." "Next thing ya know, that triceratops... and a hundred and 7 5 million years of dinosaur evolution's nothin' but history." "So, for the unsung triceratops and all his kin, this here song's for you." "[ Maurice ] This will make an outstanding bed and breakfast." "Did I tell you that this home is being considered... for historical monument status?" "The original owner was Ivan Lubov." "Course you know who he was." "Made a fortune in beaver hats." "Anyway, in 1 91 1 , he built this dream home for his bride." "It's got real Italian marble." "There's, uh, [ Stomping ] genuine rosewood floors underneath this... and, uh, teak moldings." "It's amazing what a man'll do for a little woman." "Heh-heh!" "Uh, all it needs is a coat of paint, some Spackle." "It's move-in condition." "Give us a second." "[ No Audible Dialogue ]" "We're prepared to offer 44,000." "Gentlemen-- [ Chuckles ] the, uh, asking price is 55." "Well, that's just out of the question." "We could go up to 46,500, but that's it." "You fellas have yourselves a deal." "?" "[ Woman Singing, Indistinct ] Shelly?" "Shelly, could I have a refill?" "[ Smooching ]" "[ Shelly ] Ah, you horny toad." "No, I'm just a bear who wants his honey." "[ Shelly ] Mmm-mmm." "Hi." "The F.A.A. called." "You told them I was color blind." "Yeah." "You told them." "Look, Rick, it was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make!" "It's bad enough you didn't sign me off!" "." "What'd ya have to go do a thing like that for?" "It's the law!" "I'm not that color blind." "Oh, you're not?" "I just have a little problem with red and green." """A little problem"!" "Red means stop." "Green means go." "Maggie, they are pulling my license." "Well, I'm sorry." "You're sorry?" "You wreck my life, and that's all you can say?" "You're sorry?" "Look, I'm the one that should be angry." "You had no right to ask me to be your examiner." "You knew you were color blind." "You're my girlfriend." "We live together." "You're supposed to look out for me." "But I was looking out for you!" "What if I passed you and then you got into an accident?" "Then what?" "I don't mean for you to look out for me like that." "I mean for ya to look out for me the way that I mean!" "Uh, the way that you're supposed to!" "[ Slams Fist ]" "It is unbelievable." "Truly incredible." "My eyes?" "O'Connell." "She would actually flunk you." "What an act of betrayal." "[ Sighs ]" "But I don't get-- How long have you been a pilot?" "Eight years." "Well, didn't you need a physical to get your license?" "Yeah." "How'd ya pass it?" "You know the Ishihara test for color blindness?" "It's a book." "Yeah." "I memorized it." "Really?" "Well, your memory's good." "Isn't there something I can do?" "No, there's nothing." "Ahh, some exercises?" "Special glasses?" "Rick, there's nothing wrong with your eyes." "They're perfectly normal." "You're color blind-- color deficient actually." "A lot of men are." "It's hereditary." "I mean, no offense, but I personally prefer to fly with a pilot who can see the full spectrum of colors." "Much in the same way, if I were-- if I were having neurosurgery, I'd like a doctor with 1 0 fingers." "Still... you gotta wonder." "If O'Connell would do that to a boyfriend, what would she do to someone she kept her clothes on with?" "[ Door Opens, Closes ]" "?" "[ RB, Indistinct ]" "[ Holling ] You remember that?" "[ Chuckling ]" "Yeah." "You" "You know what we could do?" "We could get everybody in town to write a letter." "Like when Cagney  Lacey got dumped and all these people wrote in and they put it back on TV?" "Maybe we could get your wings back." "Well, listen." "I wouldn't get too bummed out." "I got this cousin who had to stop driving a semi, 'cause this guy hit him in the head with a tow bar." "And he is doin' just fine selling' lightbulbs." "Holling?" "I thought you two might like some more coffee." "This" " Shelly, this is Anita." "I knew her in Nome back in the glory days." "We haven't seen each other in what, 20 years?" "Yeah, but who's countin'?" "Anita, this is my Shelly." "Hi, honey." " Hi." " Oh, she's adorable." "She looks just like you." "You didn't tell me you had a daughter." "Well, I'm not his daughter." "I'm his" " What?" "Uh, she's my almost-wife." "[ Laughs ]" "Oh, my.!" "Holling Vincoeur, I should've known.!" "You always were a devil!" "Anita used to breed malamutes." "Had the finest sled dogs north of 60." "Nobody could handle a pair of reins like Holling." "The dogs just loved him." "They'd run till they dropped." "Come and sit with us." "Oh, well, I can't." "I got some orders comin' up." "Have you been to Nome lately?" "It's sad, isn't it?" "Ohh." "The old gang's all gone." "Yep." "They're either dead, moved off or in jail." "Yeah, that's the truth." "Look at the poor guy." "just for my own curiosity, as a physician with an interest in aberrant psychological behavior" "Now, why would you do such a thing?" "Were you pissed at him?" "What, he wasn't doing his share of the housework?" "As a certified flight instructor, Fleischman, I have obligations regardless of my personal life." "You know what I think it is?" "I think it's this competitive thing you have with men." "I don't think you really like us." "Only you, Fleischman." "I mean, I know you-you like to have a man between the sheets every now and then." "What I'm saying is, I don't think you really like us." "You know, ""like us" like us?" "If you weren't such a moron, Fleischman, you might understand my position." "All right." "Let me explain to you as simply as possible." "Rick could kill himself and then I'd be responsible." "Aha." """Aha" what?" "I get it." "This ""dead boyfriend" thing." "The jinx." "The curse." "They all croak on you." "You think Rick's doomed." "Calling you a moron is an insult to morons." "Broccoli has more brain power." "Brussels sprouts, cauliflower" "What?" "Where'd he go?" "[ Hooting ]" "What are you lookin' at?" "[ Wings Flapping ]" "[ Object Whistling, Plummeting ]" "[ Crashing ] [ Bird Cawing ]" "[ Man, Distant ] Okay." "Right there's fine." "[ Ed ] Dr. Fleischman, you gotta see this." "I came as fast as I could." "I'm sure he would have appreciated that, Joel." "How?" "H-H-How'd it happen?" "Satellite fell on him." "The satellite?" "It-It hit Rick?" "The-The satellite hit Rick?" "Well, not the whole satellite." "Some of it disintegrated comin' in, but a good part of it, yeah." "Oh, man!" "Yeah." "There's a problem." "A problem?" "You mean, more than him being dead?" "Come on." "We better take a look." "Oh, God!" "I've been in combat." "I've seen men die a hundred different ways." "But I've never, ever seen anything like this." "Look at him!" "Yeah." "It's like Rick and the-- the satellite" " It's like they" "Merged." "Fused." "Combined into one." "How does something like this happen?" "It's your basic physics." "Let me explain reentry to you." "When this thing hit the earth's atmosphere, it was going 1 5,000 miles an hour." "The friction was terrific." "This baby came in hot." " Boy, Rick sure was lucky." " Lucky?" "He's dead." "Yeah, but how many people get to get hit by a satellite?" "I'll bet he makes the Guinness Book of World Records." "So, Joel, how do you plan on getting 'em apart?" "Get 'em apart?" "I, uh" " Why ask me?" "You think they teach this in medical school?" "You don't need a doctor." "You need a-- a blacksmith, a metallurgist." "Yeah, it's kind of hard to tell where Rick stops and the satellite begins." "Yeah, I guess we better face the fact-- these two are inseparable." "[ Sighs ] Anyone tell Maggie?" "No, and when you tell her, go easy on her." "She's had a bad run of luck with her beaux." "Wait a minute." "Wait." "Why do I have to tell her?" "I'm not gonna tell her." "Well, you're the doctor, son." "It goes with the territory." "?" "[ Piano Intro ]" "?" "[ Blues Combo ] [ Patrons Chattering ]" "Hi, Maggie." "How are you?" "What's your problem?" "May I join you?" "just tell me what you want, Fleischman." "It's just I want, uh-- I-I want to apologize... for yesterday." "All right, Fleischman." "What needs fixing?" "What?" "No." "Nothing." "It's just the things I said yesterday... were thoughtless and insensitive, and I regret them." "Yeah?" "What?" "[ Sighs ] That's all really, and, uh" "What?" "Well" "[ Stammering ] How are things?" "Rick didn't come home last night, okay?" "If he wants to behave like a child, then let him." "I mean, if I have to be the bad guy, okay." "But I am not going to have another death on my hands." "I mean-- [ Sighs ] All right." "I admit it." "I do." "I am... sensitive." "I've lost four boyfriends." "Four." "Do you know how that feels?" "And, of course, I ask myself, ""Is that me?" "Is it something that I do?"" "[ Sighs ]" "What is it, Fleischman?" "You wanna tell me something." "I can tell by your face." "Yes, yes." "I do." "I want to tell you something." "What?" "Ajoke." "Ajoke?" "Yeah." "Uh, see, um, this guy goes on a trip, and, uh, he leaves his cat with his friend." "Well, he calls his friend and asks how the cat is." "Guy says, ""The cat is dead."" "The guy says, "Geez." """God, couldn't you break the news to me a little more gently?" "You know, lead into it" ""Your cat crawled up on the roof, there was a loose tile, and he took a little fall.' Like that."" "Next month, the guy goes on another trip." "Calls his friend and asks how his mom is." "Guy says, ""Well" " She crawled up on the roof and there was a loose tile."" "[ Laughs ] Not bad." "Rick crawled up on the roof." "[ Maurice ] I've never seen anything like it before." "Poor Rick." "With those things comin' out of his head, he looked like the Statue of Liberty." "[ Chuckles ] Now, I don't want you to think this kind of thing happens frequently." "No, sir." "This is a first." "[ Teakettle Whistling ]" "Matter of fact, statistically speaking," "Cicely is the safest place to live in the United States." "[ Smacking Lips ] What do you think?" "[ Whistling Stops ]" " Mmm." "Delicious." "Really good." "I think it could use just a tad of cayenne pepper." "Maurice, do you have any balsamic vinegar?" "Yeah, it's in that cupboard right there." "Well, fellas, chow's on." "You wanna get the pasta there, Ron?" "Sure." "?" "[ Show Tune ]" "The chaise, is it Empire?" "Ah, no." "That's Country Friar." "Oh, I always get it wrong." "Erick's the antique maven in the family." "?" "[ Man Singing, Indistinct ]" "?" "[ Singing Along ] ?" "The corn is as high as an elephant's eye?" "It's a terrific collection, Maurice." "You know, he's got the complete Mitzi Gaynor." "Yeah?" " He's even got that bootleg Ethel Merman." " I'm glad you enjoy good music." " There are a lot of people around here who couldn't care less." " I can imagine. [ Laughs ]" "Uh, how long have you been in the hotel game?" "Well, actually, this is our first venture." "We, uh, were in a dog-grooming business for the last seven years." "Eight." "Eight." "Really?" "All right." "What year'd we get together?" " '83." "We met at Dan Presley's Halloween party." "That was '84." "No, '84 we were at Russian River." "[ Laughs ] That's right." "I, uh, forgot all about that party." "Erick came as Barbra Streisand." " That a fact?" " Anyway, last year we're on vacation at this little bed and breakfast in Seattle, and we thought, ""Now, this is a great way to live."" " Uh-huh." " You know, Maurice, you move to a new town, you set up a business" "Uh, it's a big step." "You worry about things." "But already we've met someone we have a lot in common with." "We feel very good about makin' the move up here." "[ Anita ] You hated the idea of statehood." "[ Holling ] I did not.!" "Holling Vincoeur, you did too.!" "Now, I remember a night in the Last Chance." "You stood up on the bar and you told everybody that the day Alaska became a state, you could kiss the wilderness good-bye." "Well, I'm, uh-- Wait a minute." " I thought Alaska was always a state." " Oh, no." " Not till '59." " Now, just think, hon." "We were squabbling' and fightin' back then." "You weren't even a twinkle in your papa's eye." "I guess." "Well, anyway, I think what happened to Rick is really the pits." "Yeah." "It was a terrible thing." "Reminds me of Abe Kellog when he got caught in the machinery at the cannery." "They had to recall a hundred cases of salmon." "I'll never forget that funeral, watchin' them lower all those little bitty cans into the ground." "Hey, is anybody hungry?" "I could put the chicken potpies in." "You remember the day they voted in statehood?" "The whole territory was one huge party." "Oh, there was dancin' in the streets." "Yeah." "Bonfires everywhere lighting' up the sky." "And those fellas in Fairbanks pouring' gold dye in the Chena River." "There's never been anything like it since." "Hey, you should've seen the beer bust we had when we beat Cessford High in the regionals." "We had a band that looked just like Motley Crue." "And everybody got really bombed... and went out and stole people's sprinkler heads and stuff." "It was a riot." "There's my little darlin'." "You got a lot of energy." "I sure have." "I'd think you'd be pooped after all that yakking you did tonight." "Yeah, it was nice seeing that ol' gal again." "How come we never talk like that?" "Like what?" "Like you and Anita." "We talk, Shelly." "Not like that." "All we ever talk about is moose meat and pickles and how sticky the tables get." "We never just ""talk" talk." "Oh, honey, that's not true." "It is too!" "All you ever want to do is grope me." "Well, today didn't we have a conversation about ordering' you a new pair of shoes?" "That doesn't count." "You and Anita talk about friends and stuff you did." "I wanna talk like that." "Well, Shelly, honey, I've known Anita for 40 years." "So?" "Well, I don't know." "With you it's different." "Come on, Shelly." "Haven't we talked plenty just now?" "Rick got hit by a spaceship today." "Yeah." "Well, I think you're bein' really selfish." "[ Knocking ]" "Hi, Gary." "Hello, Maggie." "Gary." "I-I brought these for you." "They're cookies-- oatmeal... with raisins." "Thank you." "I thought you might be hungry." "Place sure looks nice." "Do you wanna come in?" "Thanks." "Hah." "So, Gary, would you like some tea?" "I was just about to make a cup." "You know, Maggie, me and Rick were real good friends." "Yeah, I-I know that, Gary." "Last winter, fishin' on Lake Kachuga, we fell through the ice together." "I lost two toes." "Yeah, Rick told me about that." "Point is, if Rick could talk, you know what I think he'd say?" "I think he'd say ol' Gary ought to get first shot." "At what?" "You." "First shot." "I mean, now that you're single." "Well, wait a minute." "Whoa." "You came here to hit on me?" "Oh, I'm not afraid... even if you are poison." "Hell, I been alone so long, I'd be happy with two good weeks." "Rick's not even buried yet." "Well, I could wait a couple days if you'd feel more comfortable." "I want you to leave right now." "There's electricity up at my place and my pickup's all paid for." "Go!" "Okay." "just one thing-- I lent Rick my set of crescent wrenches." "Get out!" "Now!" "Go!" "[ Chris ] When I heard about Rick, first thing I thought was, ""Klaatu barada nikto,"" "those immortal words which toggled off the robot Gort in The Day the Earth Stood Still." "You know, when that movie was made, robots werejust stuff of fiction." "But, hey, not anymore, with artificial intelligence... and robotics, bio-implants." "Not only are we making smart machines, we're becoming smart machines." "So what's all this got to do with Rick, you ask?" "Well, I'm just thinking he might be the next step in this evolutionary process." "Dig this:" "Yesterday, when NASA's sweet flower of the imagination married Rick, he crossed the line between man and machine." "He became the future-- Homo Novus, the new man." "Think about that." "Hey, boss, what's up?" "I brought you some things from home." "I'm not going to be needing 'em anymore." "Oh, yeah?" "Thanks." "Yeah." "Pasta maker, Cuisinart, soufflé dish." "Wait a second." "This is all your gourmet stuff." "From now on, I'm sticking to barbecue." "?" "[ Reggae, Indistinct ] Huh!" "Fondue pot." "Boy, I've had some good times with this baby." "Maurice, I don't have a kitchen." "Well, you might someday." "And let me just say this:" "All the great chefs in the world... were notorious womanizers, real skirt-chasers." "You know what I'm talking about?" "No, I don't think so." "Well, they were." "Do you like, uh, Judy Garland?" "How 'bout Gwen Verdon?" "All right." "What's goin' on?" "Chris, when I mention show tunes to you, what-what image does that conjure up in your mind?" "Homosexuals, I guess." " There you go!" " What do you" " Is that what this is about?" "Two deviants whom I unsuspectingly invited into my home... deduced from my things-- things of beauty-- things that I used to get innocent pleasure from, that I was, in fact, a fellow traveler." "Maurice Minnifield has never had an impure thought about another man in his life.!" "Well, there-there was one... unsettling dream where I was wrestling with David Niven." "But I-I swear to you, nothing happened." "I will not be perceived by anybody as anything other than a dyed-in-the-wool hetero!" "You know what?" " You better hold on to this stuff." " You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?" "Yes, I have." "And the thing is, Maurice, you don't wanna appear to be overreacting." "All right?" "You wanna present an image of a man who's very comfortable with his sexuality." "just what in the hell are you talking about?" "Men who are freaked by homosexuals, they usually have tendencies in that direction themselves." "Now, don't you start in on me!" "There's no hidden agenda here!" "This is legitimate outrage." "Now, if you don't want this stuff, fine." "Fine." "I'll find somebody who does." "[ Door Opens, Slams ]" "Is there something I can help you with, Shelly?" "Uh, you got any history books?" "Yeah, right over here next to theosophy." "It's been a long time since I've been in a library." "My junior year I had detention in the library." "[ Chuckles ]" "But I just sat there." "Oh, here's a good book-- Lucretia Mott, Her Story." "She was one of the early suffragettes." "Hmm." "Did she do her suffering in the '50s?" "No, honey." "It was before that." "No, I-I really need something about the '50s." "Oh. '50s." "Hmm." "Oh, how about this?" "john Foster Dulles, The Soviet Threat to Western Europe" "Strategy and Tactics of Containment." "That sounds good." "Uh, there're a couple pages missing in the second chapter." "I had a little leak in the roof last spring, and, uh, there was some water damage." "Oh, well, that's okay." "Here is The U.S. Department of Agriculture Grain Report for 1 957." "Abstract Expressionism." "Here's Baseball's Greatest-- The Story of Mickey Mantle." " What?" " Your hair." " What about my hair?" " How'd you get it that color?" "I didn't." "It-It's natural." "You are so lucky." "I'm just old, Shelly." "Yeah." "That's what I mean." "All right." "I get five feet one inch." "[ Car Door Opens ]" "Maurice, hi." "All right." "The deal's off." "Get." "Maurice." "What're you talking about?" "We didn't sign anything." "I've changed my mind." "Now, get off my property." "Why?" "What happened?" "I don't owe you any explanation." " I think you do." " Yeah?" " Yeah!" " All right." "I'll lay my cards on the table." "I've got a vision for Cicely." "That vision does not include Fire Island." "It does not include San Francisco." "It also does not include hairdressers, interior designers, florists or dog groomers." "You two get my drift?" "Spare us the theatrics, Maurice." " Look, I'm serious here." "I'm not joking." " Hey, I'm not above using... the ""no fairies allowed" routine myself, you know." " How much do you want?" " That's not it!" "We agreed on 46,500." " How 'bout 48?" " I'm talking morality here, not money!" "Fifty." "You fellas aren't listening to me, are you?" "What do you think, Erick?" "Oh, I don't know." " All right." "If you think so." " What?" "We'll go the asking price-- 55." " Fifty-five?" " And not a penny more, Maurice." " Fifty-five?" " That's carved in stone." "I mean it." "[ Erick ] Here's a deposit." "We want your answer before noon tomorrow, or we're out of here." "Fifty-five?" "?" "[ Woman Singing On Boom Box ] ?" "Is that all there is ?" "?" "If that's all there is my friends?" "?" "Then let's keep dancing?" "[ Chattering ]" "?" "Let's break out the booze?" "[Joel Inaudible ]" "?" "And have a ball?" "?" "If that's all?" "?" "There is ?" "[ Clicks Off]" "Hi, everybody." "You know, that was one of Rick's favorite songs." " Yeah." "Uh, Ed, any word yet?" " I'll check." "Uh, sorry about the delay, but Rick's coffin needed a little customizing." "But I guess I don't really mind starting without him, because a funeral is really more for the survivors than anybody else." "And, uh, in this case that's Maggie, who's been a survivor more times than she'd like to count." "I know you all remember Rick's predecessor, Dave." "He fell asleep on a glacier and froze to death." "But before Dave, there was Glen." "And Glen, in his Volvo, took a wrong turn... and ended up on a missile test range." "And then there was Bruce, victim of a terrible fishing accident." "And then there was Harry." "Remember Harry?" "He died when he was out, uh, at the, uh" "Umm" " How was it?" " Picnic." " I'm sorry." "I couldn't hear you." " At a picnic." " Picnic." "Right." "Potato salad." "Folks, a lot of people would look at this string of five deaths and say," """This is weird." "Something really strange is going on here."" "But I just want to say, Maggie, on behalf of all of us, that we don't think it's your fault, and we don't believe in any curse." " Right, everybody?" " [ Mourners Murmur]" "Hey, come on." "You can do better than that." "Right, everybody?" "[ Mourners Affirming ]" "He's here." "[ Men Muttering, Grunting ]" "Watch yourself." "Watch yourself." "Watch out." "Easy." "Hold it." "Holy cow." "Well, uh, here's Rick." "[ Scattered Chuckles ]" "Hey, cut it out!" "A man has died.!" "Chris.!" "The man is dead.!" "Uh!" "?" "[ Strings ]" "?" "[ Continues ]" "Shelly?" " Shelly!" " Hello, dear." "Well, you-- Would you like an onion or an olive in your martini?" "Olive, I guess." "You look different." "I borrowed a few things from Ruth-Anne." "So, what's your opinion about Ethel and Julius Rosenberg?" "Who?" "The atom bomb spies." "[ Buzzer Sounds ] Oh, dinner's ready." "Hot dog and cheese casserole." "Shelly, it's midnight." "So?" "Well, I thought maybe you might like to cuddle a little." "I mean, you didn't feel like it last night." "There is a lot more to life than nooky, Holling." "Would you like some ketchup?" "Uh, no, thanks." "You know, I think Grace Kelly was a lot cuter than Audrey Hepburn." "It's too bad she stopped making movies." "But you can understand it." "I mean, she got to marry a real-life prince." "That's a lot better than being a movie star." "Remember her wedding dress?" "Wow." "That must have cost some bucks." "But I guess, if you own your own country you can afford it." "You're not saying much." " Um" " Anyway, that Salk vaccine was really bitchin'." "I don't think kids today really appreciate it." "They're too young." "They don't know what it was like before." "I went to school with a girl who had a clubfoot." "But that was a drop in the bucket compared to polio." "And you know," "Dulles was right." "We really shafted Eastern Europe at Yalta." "I mean, you can't blame Hungary for getting all wigged out." "I'd get pissed off, too, if some bozo like Khrushchev tried to tell me what to do." "Wouldn't you?" "I wouldn't let him go see Disneyland either." "Holling?" " Holling!" " Uh-huh?" "Don't you have an opinion about anything?" "I go to all this trouble." "I get dressed up, I cook dinner, I try to have a nice conversation, and what do you do?" "You" " You just sit there like a lump.!" "[ Door Opens, Slams ]" "[ Ruth-Anne ] Maggie, let me give you some perspective on this." "I had an uncle who was considered a jinx by everybody... until he won a raffle at the Oktoberfest." "It was, uh, a set of encyclopedias." "And after that, everybody considered him their best friend." "[ Door Opens, Bell Rings ] Yeah." "Maggie.!" "Oh, there you are." "I've been looking all over for you." "I" " Maggie, I feel so bad about Rick." "Thanks." "You know what?" "I was hoping you'd come have dinner with me and Bill tonight." "Oh, I don't know, Val." "I'm not feeling very sociable." "You have to eat, Maggie." "You know what?" "I'll have Bill whip up his famous molasses marinade for the salmon." " Oh, please." "It would mean a lot to me." "What do you say?" " Well, um" "You know, it would be good for you and Bill to-- oh, I don't know-- get to know each other, spend a little time together." " Me and Bill?" " I'll make an excuse." "Who knows?" "One thing might lead to another." "Are you suggesting that Bill and I have an affair?" "Well, the truth is, Maggie, I'll tell-- I can't stand to look at him." " You want me to kill him?" "Just date him." "Yeah." "Let nature take its course." "[ Door Opens, Bell Rings ]" "Shelly, please." "Shel, I-I said I was sorry." "Tuna melt, mooseburger, spaghetti and meatballs." "?" "[ Woman Singing Blues, Indistinct ]" "Shelly!" "Would you tell Mr. Vincoeur that I do not wish to speak to him?" " Uh" " I heard." " Tell him he had his chance to talk last night!" " She says" "Tell him I may not be as old as some of his other girlfriends, but I can carry on a conversation just like anybody else.!" "Shelly, it isn't like that." "Shelly, you have got to listen to me." "Li" " If this is about Anita, you have got no reason to be upset." "Shelly, you can chop as long as you want to, but you're gonna hear me out!" "Now, I don't care if you're not as old as she is." "I don't care if we got no past, if we got no history." "I don't care if we got practically nothing in common!" "It's just not important to me!" "I" " I don't want somebody just to talk to." "Good Lord, Shelly." "Two people can only talk so much." "Then what?" "There's gotta be more-- somethin' to do after you're done talkin'." "You understand?" "I love you, Shelly." "So what if you are 40 years younger than me?" "I love your youth." "You keep me stirred up 2 4 hours a day." "Half the time I don't know whether I'm comin' or goin'." "I" " I look at you, I swear," "I don't care about your mind." "I want you for your body." "Really?" "Yeah." "Oh, Holling." "I'm gonna go to lunch." "You wanna go?" "What time is it?" "'Bout 1 2:00." "Damn." "What's the matter?" "[ Sighs ] This is a $5,000 deposit on a house... that's not worth $40,000, much less the $5 5,000 these people are offering me." "What's the problem?" "Well, at 46,500, I had a moral compass, Chris." "But at 55, I'm lost." "I" " Half of me says, ""Take the money, you fool."" "The other half says, ""Don't sell to these two guys."" "You're still hung up on the gay thing, huh?" "I don't care what consenting perverts do in their own home." "I just don't want 'em doin' it in my backyard, that's all." "If I let these two in, they've got a beachhead, a toehold." "Before you know it, old Cicely'll be awash in nancy boys." "Well, Maurice, if that's how you feel, you probably better just give the money back." "But they're overpaying!" "I'll never find buyers like that again." "Yeah." "[ Sighs ]" "Maybe there's a way for you to take the money and feel good too." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Think about it:" "You and gay men, you share a lot of the same common values, right?" "Now, you just hold on a minute there." "If you're talking about gourmet cooking and antiques" "No, no, no." "I'm talking about your military tradition-- discipline, honor, loyalty-- that kind of thing." "Well, what in the hell are you talking about?" "All right." "Take the Janissaries." "Yeah?" "The elite troops of the Ottoman Empire." "For a couple hundred years, they were the most gung ho, bloodthirsty army in the world." "Uh-huh." "They murdered millions of people." "They leveled countless cities." "They tortured, they pillaged, you name it." "And-And you're saying these guys were" "It's a well-known fact." "They preferred the company of men." "Huh." "?" "[ Woman Singing, Indistinct ] ?" "Mambo?" "?" "He's neglecting' our romance?" "?" "For the Mambo?" "Maggie, you really ought to eat something." "?" "He just loves that crazy dance called the Mambo?" "?" "Mambo baby?" "?" "Mambo baby Oh, Mambo baby?" "You know, I was thinking, if you carved up the master suites, you'd have another full bedroom." "?" "[ Continues, Indistinct ]" "Hey, let's freshen these up." "Shelly!" "[ Shelly ] Uh-huh." "Another round for my colleagues here." "Hi." "Boy, you know, I hate it when you smoke." "I'm gonna show you a picture of a smoker's lung sometime." "If that doesn't make you stop-- Why are you here, Fleischman?" "To tell me more jokes?" "Maggie, I-I'm sorry about Rick." "I am." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry I didn't think up a better way to tell you." "Now that you said what you needed to say, you better get out of here before you get hit in the head with a safe or a piano, or you get struck with a bolt of lightning." "Are you buying into that nonsense?" "You believe it?" "Hey." "As a doctor, as a man of science, I can tell you, there is no such thing as curses." "Everything just happens as a question of probability, the statistical likelihood of a specific event." "Fleischman-- For instance, if a man falls to sleep on a glacier... it is highly probable he will freeze to death." "Likewise, if a man sits on a mountainside, there's... some probability-- uh, now, albeit slight-- that he will get hit by a satellite." "Your having a relationship with those men is inconsequential." "It simply does not enter into the equation." " Are you done, Mr. Wizard?" " No." "To tell you the truth" " Move over." "I-I don't like seeing you like this." "It bothers me." "Now, don't get any ideas, but I have more than just a professional interest in your well-being." "I'm not afraid of you, O'Connell." "[ Loudly ] You hear that?" "Everyone, I am not afraid of Maggie O'Connell.!" "No, I am not." "I do not believe in voodoo.!" " Fleischman, sit down." " Come on." "Let's dance." "I don't wanna dance." "This is a great song." " I don't care." " If you don't dance with me, O'Connell, you know what you're doing?" "You're turning your back on reason-- on mankind's struggle..." "?" "[ Woman Singing Ballad ] to pull itself out of the mire of ignorance and superstition." "You are saying ""yes" to witch hunters and inquisitors, you are slamming the door on enlightenment, and you--you are-- you are inviting back the Dark Ages." "Now, I am not doing this for you, O'Connell." "I am doing this... for civilization." "?" "And life is like a song?" "What do you say?" "Pretty please?" "?" "Oh, yeah, yeah?" "?" "At last?" "?" "The skies above are blue?" "[ Patrons Murmuring ]" "?" "My heart was wrapped up in clover?" "?" "The night I looked at you?" "?" "I found a dream?" "Shelly." "?" "That I could speak to?" "?" "A dream that I?" "?" "Can call my own?" "?" "I found a thrill?" "?" "To press my cheek to?" "?" "A thrill that I have?" "?" "Never known?" "?" "Oh, yeah?" "?" "[ Continues, Indistinct ] Not bad, Fleischman." "I'm surprised." "'Cause when you walk, you're a little clumsy-- you know, your right foot toes-in." "Yeah, well, I had to wear special shoes when I was a kid." "People make fun of you?" "Nah." "I had poison blades in the toes just like Rosa Kleb." "Nobody messed with me." "?" "And here we are?" "?" "In heaven?" "?" "For you are mine?" "?" "At last?"