"LATE AUGUST, EARLY SEPTEMBER" "GABRIEL'S REAL ESTATE PROBLEMS" "To the right." "The kitchen." "It's small, but big enough to eat in." "It's gloomy." "In the morning there's a tiny ray of sunshine." " That's the south?" " No, the other side." "The toilet..." "You can put in bookshelves." "One hot water tank?" "One for the kitchen, one for the bathroom." "I used this room to work in." "It would also make a great kid's room." "It's the quietest room." "Is it noisy otherwise?" "Not at all." "It's a quiet street." "It's a little cramped." "We wanted to knock this down." "We could knock this wall down." "You can't." "It's load-bearing." "It makes a nice hall." "There's 8 years of clutter in here." "Imagine how spacious one big room would be." "We'd have no privacy whatsoever." "It's either one room or two." "I have your phone number." "We need to think." "Don't take too long." "Other people are interested." "What do you think?" "They weren't thrilled." "I really thought they liked it." "I don't think so." "It was fine for us." "Yeah, we were happy to find it." "I always told you to knock down that wall." "I know." "In the meantime, I can barely pay my rent." "I'm pretty down and out too." "We got by better together." "We're poor on our own." "We're just short on money." "That's called being poor." "What's that?" "The insurance." "Your domain." "The job with Adrien will put me back on my feet." "I had dinner with Jeremy last night." "He told me Adrien is sick." "Sick?" "With what?" "I don't know." "Adrien never mentioned it." "What did Jeremy say?" "It's not good." "Not good or bad?" "He just said "not good"." "I'm late." "Parking's impossible in this part of town." "You could have used our courtyard." "There's room." "You should have started." "This is Adrien Willer." "Gerard Hattou." " Coffee?" " I just had some." "Sugar, please." "It's on the table." "Here we are!" "Our third show will be about Adrien." "We've started scouting some locations." "There's good stuff there." "You'll be describing three places that inspired you." "Places from your childhood." "Around Mulhouse." "There's more to it than that." "We can't stray from the subject." ""Places of the Pen."" "It's up to you." "Gabriel Deshayes." "Nice to meet you." "Gabriel is our middleman." "He'll put the questions to Adrien." "It's a sort of discussion you want?" "Not exactly a discussion..." "An interviewer might help me." ""Interviewer"..." "That's not it either." "When you're being filmed... you're supposed to talk to everyone." "Talking to everyone boils down to talking to no one." "I'm afraid the show may be boring." "When he's around new people he closes up." "To get him to open up, he has to feel comfortable." "His train of thought is hard to follow." " I read a book of his." " Which one?" "His last one." "I found it muddled." "He avoids stories." "He depicts the world he sees." "We all have a vision." "If he wants to interest me in his vision," "I need a way into it." "The best way in is a story." "Can stories really describe the world?" "Who reads Adrien Willer?" "Think about it." "You want a line of bathrobes but if I can't do anything fun, what's the point?" "I cater to a clientele that prefers tradition." "Spend your life making traditional bathrobes." "Cool!" "Outrageous designs aren't my thing." "Rot in your square little world." "Let's go." "You don't think he'll mind?" "He'll be fine." "He's used to me by now." "You want a beer?" "I'll share yours." "What are you doing?" "You're peeing in there." "I am not." "I see you, liar." "And Jenny?" "What about her?" "Do you still see her?" "We're selling the apartment together." "You haven't sold it?" "Not yet." "I saw Jean-Paul again." "How was it?" "Awful." "I thought you were friends now." "I went to watch a game on TV." "He ended up hitting me." "How did he do that?" "With his watch band." "We fought over the dog." "I scratched him." "You want the dog back?" "He wants me to take it." "I have no room." "He's doing it on purpose." "Just to piss me off." "Will you sell your place soon?" "I honestly have no idea." "I hope so." "After you do, can we live together?" "I don't want to see you leave." "I called you when the ambulance arrived." "You were alone with Adrien?" "We were eating." "Adrien turned pale." "I asked if he felt okay." "He got up, took a step and collapsed in the restaurant." "Which restaurant?" "A Vietnamese in Belleville." "It was very good..." "He was in pain, then he passed out." "He stopped moving." "I've never been so scared." "When did he wake up?" "When he got here." "The worst was over." "They sedated him big-time." "The waiting room?" "Straight ahead." "Put out your cigarette." "My father called today to give me advice about the apartment." "He tried getting me to call a real estate agent." "And you refused." "I'd rather die than let him help." "Come on, he means well." "He cares about you." "Spare me." "He knows I'm broke." "That I do shit-work just to get by." "He's rich and he won't make the slightest gesture." " Didn't he just try making one?" " Lay off me." "It's too easy to give the numbers of distant acquaintances..." "Don't get so worked up." "He's old." "Money's become a sore spot for him." "Just relax." "Stop shouting." "I'm not shouting." " You're tense." " I am not!" "Listen, you're shouting." "You make me tense." "You see?" "You always make me blow my top." "Let's behave." "This is a hospital." "The doctor." "So it's nothing..." "That's impossible." "They'll do more tests tomorrow." "Tests for what?" "He didn't say." "Actually, I didn't understand." "You don't want a ride." "I'll take a cab." "It's out of your way." "Yeah, right." "MULHOUSE (one month later)" "Jesus Christ!" "Pain in the ass!" "I said to come early." "I didn't wake up in time." "You didn't wake up..." "It's 2 p.m., not the crack of dawn." "Give me what you've read." "I don't feel well." "What do you mean?" "Feel any better?" "I went overboard last night." "You drink too much." "Watch out." "That's not it." "I got wasted." "I did ecstasy with a girl." "It's going back to Mulhouse." "It's been 15 years." "The show is a good pretext." "What'll I do there?" "My family moved." "They sold the house." "I'll have a coffee." "A cold beer." "To top it off, I turned 40 yesterday." "It's no big deal." "It makes you think." "I feel like I'm nowhere." "30 francs." "Colder." "That's all I have." " I'm all out." "Sorry." " How is it possible?" "What do you mean by "nowhere"?" "Time flies by." "I let things go by." "Not everything." "You've published four novels." "They were hardly best-sellers." "The first one." "It sold a little." "It broke no records." "Give me a break." "You can't have it all." "I never got through to the public." "That's what counts." "It's not all that counts." "What else does?" "Being respected." "What good is that?" "Cut it out." "Tell me." "Seriously." "But time will..." "Forget time." "I believe in tangible things." "Material things." "Like what?" "Tell me." "Like money." "That's not very original." "Not if you're used to having it." "I'm not." "Neither am I." "I need you to help me choose." "Between the country salad and the ham and cheese." "Sorry sir, I'm out of both." "So money interests me now." "I've always had to count every cent I spend." "I don't have a cent to my name." "Do you really care?" "Sure I do." "When I got the royalty check for my first book," "I went to a gallery and bought a drawing by Joseph Beuys." "He was still affordable in the 80s." "It cost me everything I had." "I'm not talking about the drawing, but about buying it." "I'd like to do that again if I feel like it." "That's the life I missed out on." "Hungry?" "I ran out of money." "You want half?" "Sure." "The cell phone didn't answer, but the office said they'd left." "So?" "So they're on their way." "Look at this mess." "Watch out." "It's gushing with mayonnaise." "What is it?" "It's sort of hard to say..." "It's the first time... you've opened up to me." "Don't take it badly, but you can be sort of abrupt." "It's because you're reserved." "You never talk about yourself." "I know what you're feeling..." "I didn't think you wee able to talk to me about it." "I'm really moved that you trust me." "And I'm worried too." "About what?" "That it's because you are sick." "That's part of the reason." "What happened the other day was an alarm signal." "I hope it didn't sound too late." "I knew I had this disease." "I tried blotting it out." "Now I know it may catch up with me." "Unless you fight it." "Get it treated." "I am." "Maybe I'll get better." "Maybe I won't." "Let's not get heavy here." "I don't want to make you talk." "I'm asking because... if it becomes taboo, it's worse." "Let's wait outside." "Have a good trip back to Paris." "They could have asked us out for a drink." "Not out to dinner, just for a drink." "Drop it." "It pisses me off." "We spend a day working together, we rush so they can finish early, and nothing." "15 minutes in the bar." "Half an hour." "When did you get here?" "This afternoon." "They didn't tell me." "I told them it was a surprise." "I shouldn't have..." "After we spoke, I bought a Tac-O-Tac." "I won the price of the ticket." "It was like a sign." "Enough..." "You're not into it." "Of course I'm not into it." "I said not to come." "You kept insisting and I said no." "You're not happy?" "I'm here on a job!" "The job's finished." "What do you know?" "You don't listen!" "When I say no, I mean it." "I get it." "Get what?" "This kind of relationship pisses me off." "Gat back to work and forget about me." "I'll get out here." "I thought you were in love." "Seriously." "That's no reason." "Jenny was possessive too." "I can't stand it anymore." "You don't mind that I'm here?" "Not at all." "I like Gabriel, but boys nights are a drag." "Where are you going?" "I'll have a coffee after all." "Wake up!" "Can I see your picks?" "Nantes-Bordeaux, Guingamp-Chateauroux," "PSG-Auxerre, Auxerre-Monaco." "Wrong." "What do you mean?" "Monaco is going to win." "You'll see." "So will you." "Stop criticizing!" "I'm not." "Why did you ask Gabriel to come?" "To avoid doing a monologue." "I need someone to talk to." "Anyone would do." "It had to be a friend." "If he hadn't done it, we'd have dropped the whole thing." "Did you pick Montpellier or Metz?" "Metz." "Of course." "Gabriel won't tell you himself, but he always feels out of place around you." "You're a friend but you intimidate him." "He's always like that." "He goes all out then he has regrets." "He really admires you." "Can I see that?" "It's great." "It gives all the odds." "But not the winners?" "Do you think I take advantage of his admiration?" "Not at all." "I try to help him, but I don't." "He thinks others can do the work for him." "He has to find his way by himself." "With me?" "Maybe." "ADMISSION (3 months later)" "I'm glad you came." "Tomorrow I go to Chenonceaux." "What for?" "I'm leaving early." "I'm showing some Japanese businessmen the chateaux in the Loire valley." "5000 francs for two days." "Not bad." "Not bad at all." "It's hot!" "It's great because..." "I get paid in cash." "And my banker's at war with me..." "It's delicious." "It's delicious." "The food's great here." "A friend brought me here." "Now I come every day." "Can I have a second beer?" "It's your third." "It's no big deal." "It's just beer." "Am I boring you?" "You've said nothing about the documentary." "You talk about your Japanese." "I won't foce you." "What did you expect?" "I don't know... an opinion." "I found it interesting now and then." "Adrien sort of babbles on." "Same old monotonous stuff:" "time, memory, history, etc, etc." "You know what I mean?" "No, I don't." "It's not just words." "You can feel how moved he is." "Even though I worked on it, I can be objective." "It moves me." " Not me." " Why?" "I couldn't get into it." "It's not about "getting into it"!" "And lay off the beers." "So you don't want my opinion?" "I'm worried." "Adrien's going back for more tests tomorrow." "Will he be there long?" "I don't think so." "Just for the day." "I thought he was better." "Something's wrong, and they don't know what." "You know how hard it is to get him to talk." "If I mention it, he clams up." "What's wrong?" "I don't know..." "You usually like to... make your apartments so homey." "I'm camping out here." "The owners come back in three weeks." "Too bad you came up." "I hate to disappoint you." "It doesn't matter." "Nothing matters between us." "Even if I live in a garbage dump." "I never said that." "You're in no position to judge me." "I can't get used to living without you." "You're embellishing." "All we did was scream at each other." "That's not true." "We had good times too." "Like when?" "Don't be an idiot." "I'm bored alone." "It's depressing." "My life is depressing." "We used to fight, but things were lively." "Now I feel dead." "You never spoke like this before." "I never dared." "And now you can?" "I can even say that you turn me on." "Before I couldn't." "Same goes for you." "What?" "You have a hard on." "Enough." "I have to go." "Now?" "Yes, now." "It's better." "If you're scared something will happen, you must still love me." "Get going." "Like it?" "A joseph Beuys original." "It must be worth a fortune." "The translation on diskette and on paper." "It's all here." "When is it due?" "I told him tomorrow morning." "I read over it once." "It should be fine." "Reread it if you can." "There may be some mistakes." "Can I call you at the hospital?" "I'll have my own line." "The number's in here." "How long will you be there?" " A few days." " What for?" "Just some tests." "It's a simple precaution." "Jeremy!" "Frederic promised me 6000 francs." "I need the money." "Don't give in." "No check, no translation." "Or I'll never get paid." "Don't worry." "Can I take you to the hospital?" "I'll be fine." "Are you sure?" "I thought he'd never leave." "I spent an hour down there waiting and waiting." "I almost left." "No, I didn't." "I lie enough to my parents." "What did you tell them?" "I told them I was going swimming." "They always buy that excuse." "More or less." "But I can't go to the movies." "I promised my mother we'd go buy a rug." "I can't go either." "Why?" "I have to tell you." "I'm going to the hospital." "Why?" "What's wrong?" "It's sort of complicated." "I'm having an operation." "Don't tell anyone." "A small operation?" "Not really." "A serious one." "They'll open me up and take out some stuff." " How long will you be there?" " Two weeks." "Can I visit you?" "Why not?" "I'll be treated like a baby, with all that awful mothering." "What's the use?" "Can you see me on IV, telling jokes, pretending I'm fine?" "Why not?" "No thanks." "They're good." "I'm glad you came, I'm surprised you did." "I wanted to come before." "But hospitals..." "Me too." "I hate them." "Do you get out soon?" "It's hard to get a straight answer here." "You don't look too bad." "I'm starting to feel better." "I slept well last night." "You've been sleeping badly?" "The pain." "You can't predict it." "It usually comes on at night." "It makes you scream." "So I scream." "What else can I do?" "Then I call them." "I wait for the painkillers to kick in." "Look." "This operation..." "I had no idea." "Did you know..." " Sort of." " You kept quiet." "I didn't want to bother everyone." "We're friends." "What would it have changed?" "You're all alone with what goes on inside your body." "I want a coffee." "Are you allowed anything?" "Get me a tea." "Jenny told me about the operation." "She often comes to see me." "She's taking care of my place." "I'm taking advantage of her." "She loves it." "I wish she'd take care of herself instead." "She still loves you." "No she doesn't." "Why do you say that?" "She's idealizing the past." "She stopped loving me when we were together." "Everything I did annoyed her." "That's not what she says." "You don't want to talk about it?" "I'm sorry." "Are you okay?" "Not at all." "My bank cancelled my credit card." "I just got in a fight with my banker bitch!" "She couldn't help?" "She can't help at all." "I doesn't matter." "I'll stop making a fool of myself." "Can I please have an espresso?" "No, a cappuccino." "Not a cappuccino." "I'm tense enough as it is." "A decaf." "A decaffeinated cappuccino." "I could have avoided it, but with Adrien I'm busy as hell." "Adrien is great at using people." "Don't let him stick his teeth into you." "I'm happy to give him a hand." "Be careful." "I lived with him for ten years." "I know." "That's why I wanted to see you." "It's hard to say." "I think Adrien would like... to see you again." "Is this your idea or his?" "He didn't say so." "He never says anything." "But it seems pretty obvious." "Would you mind if I changed my mind again?" "I'd rather have a Perrier." "Thank you so much." "I don't want to see him again." "Besides, I'm only in Paris for the day." "Now that he's sick, he needs to be with people he loves." "After we broke up, I had a tough time." "He tried hard to be a bastard and it worked." "I live in Toulouse now." "I have a new life." "I don't want to give into his blackmail." "You were pefect together." "I didn't understand your break-up." "It was sad." "It's too late." "You've hardened." "That's not it." "I know how weak I am." "I won't see him again because I'm too weak." "That sounds too easy." "Maybe it is." "I don't know." "I have to go." "You're a pain." "All I get is dinner with your brother." "I can get by myself." "Relax." "That's not what I meant." "Hurry!" "They're all Jenny's friends." "Do they know I'm coming?" "I said there'd be two of us." "Do I look like a bimbo from Paris?" "It's not too much?" "You look just fine." "Three Lucky Strikes and a Tac-O-Tac." "Is it too transparent for you?" "I'll button up." "They'll say I'm the reason we are late." "I am, but still..." "What are you doing?" "Get in." "I'm doing my Tac-O-Tac." "You have to meet my family, right?" "I want to be with you, not your family." "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "Come on, stop it!" "I can't drive." "You're driving just fine." "Stop it." "Eyes on the road." "Behave." "You go first." "They're always renovating." "We'd given up." "We got a late start." "Then we hit traffic." "You remember Anne." "Come in." "Did you remember the wine?" "I remembered, but everything was closed." "What a pain!" "Let's go ask the neighbors." "I hope they're up." " I can't leave Anne." " Relax." "Maryelle's here." "Maryelle." "Lubna, our daughter." "What about the apartment?" "It's hard to sell." "Rent it out." "No, we're selling it." "It's empty and you both have rent to pay." "You're acting dumb." "Or lend it to someone." "Lay off me with your advice." "It's too easy." "You have a job, Maryelle, the kids." "The whole galaxy doesn't have to take after you." "Can't we talk?" "No we can't!" "You and Jenny were building something." "All of a sudden, it's not what you want." "Too bad, because she was great." "All I'm saying is build something new." "You sound like Dad." "Yeah, I do." "I can't believe this." "Why is everything about building things?" "Maybe I don't want to." "If you won't build anything, you're just selfish." "So keep on fucking Anne." "Stop or I'll get mad." " Do I wash them?" " Never." "Put them straight in the pan." "Low flame?" "Fry them over a high flame." "Once they lose their water, throw it away and add salt." " Tablemats or tablecloth?" " Mats." "How many are we?" "About 10." "Kids, drink your orange juice." "Help your brother." "Then add some olive oil and some parsley." "This is my first time." "They're like other mushrooms." "I've never cooked mushrooms." "You don't like mushrooms?" "I love mushrooms." "I can make something else." "No, I just never do any cooking." "Can I smoke?" "It's bad for Sandrine." "She had an asthma attack this morning." "Do you two live together?" "Not yet." "They're done." "Let me see." "At least five more minutes." "Gabriel is just like his brother." "But he'll never admit to it." "He needs a home, a routine." "That's all he wants." "Don't bore her with your oven-side girl talk." "Don't listen." "Butt out." "She can speak for herself." "I'm sorry." "I got held up." "I'm glad you could come." " I'm not too late?" " Not at all." "Mathieu!" "You're a big boy now!" "The last time was with Adrien." "And Gabriel and Jenny." "You'd all just come back from..." "From Istanbul." "That's it." "Istanbul." "We found a small hotel on the Bosphorus." "We stayed two weeks." "How is Jenny doing?" "We saw her last week." "She didn't seem too well." "What did you think, Thomas?" "We mostly spoke about Adrien." "Move them over a little." "Will you give me a break?" "He can be such a pain!" "They're pretty unbearable." "No worse than I expected." "I needed a cigarette." "You want to go?" "We won't be staying long." "We can't even smoke them anymore." "Maryelle kicked us out!" "That's the way she is." "She'll never change." "I made up my mind." "I visited Adrien." "We had so much to say, but..." "I got mean." "So did he." "A waste of time." "As usual." "Don't you think he's changed?" "He's somehow... he's not serene, but he's at peace." "He's caring." "Generous." "Different from before." "It scared me." "His kindness terrified me." "He was saintly, detached." "It was awful!" "As if he'd come back from the dead to judge us." "You think so?" "The way he's at peace with himself." "As it all was said and done." "In fact..." "I don't think he'll make it." "Why do you say that?" "It's what the doctor said after the operation." "Does Adrien know?" "I think so." "He won't mention it..." "He never will." "I think he's preparing for the worst." "I think we all should." "MISSED OPPORTUNITIES (6 months later)" "There are ten boxes left." "Did you put all our stuff here?" "Yes, in the corner." "I have some spare keys for you." "I have one more." "I brought some envelopes for forwarding our mail." "Do you mind sending it to two different addresses?" "No problem." "I just need your addresses." "Your husband has them." " Good luck." " You too." "I prefer it without the wall." "It makes thing brighter." "Say hi to my cousin." "Thanks again." "All you could do was the bare minimum?" "For those yuppies?" "What are you?" "I'm the mover." "You were nicer when they signed the check." "We got a good price." "How much is that?" "22 francs." "When do you move in?" "I signed yesterday." "Where did you get the money?" "I had some savings." "Plus my half of the apartment." "And I took out a loan." "What's it like?" "A two-room apartment." "I decided to invest my money." "You invested it?" "Yes, I don't know what's so funny." "I followed my banker's advice." "With the interest, I can rent big." "Good thinking, isn't it?" "Adrien's resurrection is incredible." "The doctors are floored." "I saw him the other day." "He's radiant." "He spent the summer in Greece." "I visited him there." "He went scuba-diving every day." "He's in amazing shape." "We laughed all day long." "Your parents won't be there?" "We couldn't pull up closer?" "Where would we park it?" "I stole some of my dad's wine." "Are we celebrating something?" "I don't know." "Your new job." "When do you start?" "Next week." "Is it indiscreet to ask about it?" "I realize I'm no longer entitled to be kept informed." "It's no secret." "They're updating an encyclopedia and I'm coordinating it." "All the stuff about literature." "I have to commission articles, get them on time..." "I'm an editor of sorts..." "That sounds really interesting." "How's the pay?" "It's okay." "I want a figure." "What's it to you?" "Come on, I want a figure." "I have to go return the truck." "There'll be traffic on the way back." "Are you staying?" "Remember when we first moved in together?" "We packed up all my belongings and the car was paked here." "It was a day like today." "Late afternoon too." "We'd just come back from vacation." "I remember." "We've come full circle, as they say..." "How long can you stay?" "Until 10:15." "But next year my father promised me the maid's room." "I told you about it before." "I'll be able to come and go." "No more lies." "A Jack Daniel's." "A double, straight up." "A Coke." "Aren't you drinking too much?" "It's not good for you." "It's fine." "Sometimes it helps me." "To get drunk?" "A little bit, at night." "Not dead drunk." "Just to lose myself a little, to float." "I know it's not great..." "I have something for you." "What is it?" "You may not like it." "Tell me what it is." "I'm sure I made a mistake." "Just tell me!" "Promise you won't laugh!" "You're laughing at me already." "Don't make that face!" "What is it?" "A sweat suit top." "I got it at the flea market." "It should fit." "You want to try it on?" "Do you like it?" "You're not just being nice?" "It's a little small, but that's the style." "Are you okay?" "Are you sure?" "Was the present supposed to remind me of something?" "It's your birthday tomorrow." "I'm 16." "And you got tickets for Stereolab." "The show starts at 8:00." "For the taxi." "Don't be late." "Promise?" "I'm here to see Gabriel Deshayes." "Go right in." "He's on the phone." "Sit down." "Try to go into detail about his style, but keep it interesting." "Jenny keeps me posted." "I got scared at the hospital, seeing you so tired." "So discouraged..." "So you're all better now?" "I think so." "What do the doctors say?" "There may be some relapses, but things look good." "Are you writing?" "I'm translating." "For Frederic?" "Isn't the pay lousy?" "I get by." "My books don't pay the rent." "You seem to be doing well." "Yeah, not bad." "This is your first real job." "Don't exaggerate." "I'm not." "I've never had real work." "Just odd jobs." "Now you've taken on a certain importance, a certain authority." ""Mr. Deshayes?" "Do you have an appointment?"" "You must see through me in this role." "I didn't mean that." "You're right." "I look like an ass." "I used to come to you, asking for this or that." "I'm not asking for anything." "You called me." "I can help." "You haven't worked in months." "Thanks, but I've always managed on my own." "Let me explain." "That's why I'm here." "I have a series of... notes." "Biographies of living writers." "They're either out of date or just not good." "There are about fifty." "You can start whenever you like." "You'll get a salary." "I don't know..." "I'm asking you first." "Thank you." "Let me think it over." "I need some time." "It bothers you that I'm doing the asking." "Why do you say that?" "I could use the money, but I have to want to do the job." "I have to feel like it." "Unlike me, you don't do shit work." "Why do you say that?" "Come on..." "I'll call you tomorrow, I guess." "I'm writing again." "And I have a manuscript I want to rework." "Don't bother calling tomorrow." "Call me some other time." "Okay." "I'm in a rush." "Don't worry, I'll clean up." "That'd be great." "I have to go to City Hall, then to the plant." "You must have guts to work in a nuclear plant." "We do research." "I hear it's pretty risky." "Not really." "Outside, dogs." "Look at the paper:" ""Two nuclear engineers were contaminated" ""in the Saclay power plant." ""They were victims of low-level radiation."" "They didn't follow security measures." "Did you sleep well?" "Sorry I fell asleep so early." "I was exhausted." "Don't worry." "Here's the coffee." "The eggs are almost done." "Great." "Help yourself." "We're glad you're here." "Have a nice day." "You too." "Vera, I've been out of circulation for a few days now." "I needed to go away, and I did." "I'm annoyed with myself." "I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't." "Are you sure you love me for the right reasons, not the banal ones that attract girls to older men and vice versa?" "Do you know what attracts you to me?" "I am flattered that a 16 year-old." " and you especially - can love and desire me as you do." "I am not talking about my shaky health, but your future, or what you give me and hope for a return." "I think about you, every second of the day, with tenderness, hope and desire." "Sometimes with all these, and sometimes with nothing but guilt for taking advantage of you." "Send me a letter." "Not here." "At home." "I'll read it when I get back." "I have to call Gabriel." "What for?" "To tell him I won't do the job." "To tell him I won't do the job." "I think he understood." "Did you speak to him?" "Yes." "It was loud and clear." "He wanted my approval." "He wanted proof that he'd made the right choice." "We shouldn't go this way." "But that wasn't the point." "During our conversation." " I remember the exact moment - there was a silence." "A shadow crossed his face." "It was as if he realized that it didn't really matter." "He knows what he's doing." "He's sure of himself." "He doesn't need me." "It made me happy." "He doesn't need you anymore." "He doesn't need me either." "Was I that suffocating?" "Suffocating?" "No." "I thought I was pretty accomodating." "Since we broke up his life has changed." "It's as if a terrible weight has been bearing down on him..." "You mean your relationship?" "It's not very flattering, but it's true." "Do you know Anne Rosenwald?" "Yeah, I introduced them." "I was inspired that day." "Do they live together?" "Will it last between them?" "Never." "Too bad." "She's sweet." "Guys like her type." "Come on, don't be bitter." "I know her type by heart." "I can spot them a hundred miles away." "You guys all get had." "If she turns him on, why not?" "With her, he feels more confident sexually." "And with you?" "It was pure routine." "Don't be bitter." "I am bitter." "I want to be bitter." "I can find fulfillment in bitterness." "Is it nice out or not?" "Someone please tell me." "When I finish this translation, I'll go to Lisbon." "Why Lisbon?" "I'm sick of Paris." "I feel out of place here." "I want to rework my book." "Why?" "It's really good." "Four publishers read it." "They all like it, but that's all." "They all have comments..." "reserves..." "I think they're right." "I didn'y go all the way." "It's as if I almost had something, but it slipped away." "You can always do better, but it's good as it is." "The problem is me." "It's my shortcoming." "I give up too easily." "What are these boxes?" "What are these boxes?" "I'm packing." "I'm moving soon." "Let go!" "We were supposed to get a place after you sold your apartment." "But you sold it." "You already got another." "I stopped pestering you." "I trusted you." "Now may not be the best time." "I don't want to hurt you but I can't lie to you." "I'm not sure I want... to live with you right away." "It doesn't mean I don't love you." "I just want to live alone for a while." "Do you think I'm too..." "I'm not reliable enough to settle down with?" "Don't just sit there looking embarassed." "You can be a pain, like now, but..." "I know I scare you." "It's always the same thing." "When you throw fits like this..." "Yes." "Fits." "Like this?" "Don't touch me!" "It's Jeremy." "Gabriel, answer." "Pick up." "I'm sorry." "I'll bandage it." "We'll go to the hospital." "I got blood everywhere." "Let's get all the glass out." "Gabriel, it's Jeremy." "I keep calling." "It's 3 a.m. Call me right away." "THE JOSEPH BEUYS DRAWING (the next day)" "Anne Rosenwald called again." "What should I tell her?" "Say I'm not in." "She's called three times." "I'm sick of her insults." "Can we go over some things?" "Not now." "I'm sorry." "A friend of mine died last night." "If Anne Rosenwald calls, tell her I'm out of town." "He was unbearable with his last manuscript." "I made a few comments..." "tiny things." "He hated that." "I told him that I liked it." "He started getting angry." "I let it drop." "He lacked self-confidence..." "He had extreme reactions..." "We knew each other for over twenty years." "I published his first book." "There was no talking to him." "He started attacking me, he said I publish garbage, that all I do is follow the latest fads..." "I'm forced to... respond to a certain demand." "Or I'll go bust." "I have a small business to run." "But I feel" "I've been ambitious in my choices." "I want to go." "I won't make a spectacle of myself." "When we broke up, I thought that whatever happened," "Adrien would never just be part of my past." "One day we'd get back together." "What will I do without him?" "What will become of me?" "Maria is here." "Let's go." "I'll take you home." "Jeremy will stay with you." "I'll stay with her tonight." "Tomorrow I'll put her on the train." " Call me later." " I promise." "When I came home with the kids after school," "I saw that the kitchen was just as I'd left it." "That's the way he was." "He never thought of doing the dishes." "I went up to his room." "His stuff was there." "The bed was still made." "I found him in the bathroom, on the floor, a towel around his waist." "The bathtub was full." "He took a bath before bed." "He dried himself off, then..." "His body was cold." "He'd been there all day." "That's when Thomas came home." "I'd never seen a corpse before." "I called him the night before." "What did he have to say?" "I had a job for him." "A book in a series about cities, from a literary angle." "What did he say?" "He was all for it." "We decided to have lunch together this week." "Tomorrow." "He was fed up with the country." "I never expected to go to his funeral." "I knew he had health trouble, but..." "I always thought he'd be coming to mine." "Or rather, that he wouldn't come." "That was more his style." "We drank a lot the night before." "He drank less than us." "You were plastered." "You collapsed in the garden." "Come off it." "I went out..." "You went out, collapsed and slept." "I wanted some air." "I lay down in the grass." "Adrien saw you and burst out laughing." "It's the only night I wasn't there." "It makes no difference, but it does to me." "You could have stayed." "Frereric needed a diskette." "There was no rush." "I'm not accusing you." "I had to pay my phone bill." "They took away the checkbook, so I have to pay in cash or they cut the line." "The last time I saw him, he dropped me off at the train station." "We were standing on the platform..." "We waited for the train, clowning around." "The doors closed..." "And then?" "Nothing." "That's the last time I saw him alive." "I could have called, but I didn't." "It's incredible." "We can't give anyone a ride." "We're going straight to the country." "You want a ride to the metro?" "I have my car." "I have room." "Can I have a ride?" "Where are you going?" "Near Nation." "I can go that way." "Can I come with you?" "Sure, I'm parked over there." "I'm heading east." "Does that help anyone?" "Me." "I'm going near Nation." "So am I." "It's my way too." "Hurry, it's raining." "Jenny, we have to talk." "I have a translation for you." "You made it too tight." "I heard you talking." "What did you hear?" "I think I know that guy." "He has a store in a mall." "I forgot you'd already met." "He'll keep quiet." "I don't care." "You did earlier." "Fuck what I said." "How's Gabriel?" "Why do you ask?" "I screwed up bad." "How so?" "I started attacking the furniture." "I ended up in the hospital." "I cut up my arm." "Are you hungry?" "No thanks." "Gabriel was my one way out." "Was he?" "He won't live with you." "You dumped Jean-Paul, really hard." "You left him for Gabriel." "Now you're supposed to be at his beck and call." "Isn't he overdoing it?" "I don't know." "I think he really loves me." "I love him too." "But I ruin everything." "I'm sorry." "I'm a pain." "I keep talking about myself." "Isn't he ruining everything?" "No, I am." "I'm totally sick." "That's why I'm here." "Don't confuse things." "I don't love you." "I know." "I like the way you fuck me." "Gabriel won't fuck that way?" "Because he loves you." "He respects you." "Sometimes I don't want respect." "It bores me." "I mean sexually." "With him it's not sexual?" "It's totally sexual, but it's not..." "It's physical, simple." "And that's not enough." "It usually is." "It makes me happy." "But sometimes it's not enough." "Enough of this." "I have to go." "Gabriel's sick of me." "He won't call again." "I've lost him for good." "What about this?" "I'll take care of it." "I'll wrap it up anyway." "I hope it's not for his family." "They have no idea what it is." "It's not for them." "Help me take down that one." "He spoke to me about it." "There's a young girl." "A teenager." "He was in love with her." "She's 15 or 16." "I thought he was alone." "I found a picture of her." "Her name is Vera." "The drawing is for her." " We can't give it to her." " He said to." "But she's just a kid." "So what?" "If he wanted to leave her something, anything symbolic will do for her." "Like this ring." "Don't you think?" "I don't have her phone number, her last name or her address." "Does she know what happened?" "No idea." "It's all taken care of." "The electricity company will close his account tomorrow." "And they'll stop the phone today." "And his bank?" "Where are the papers I left here?" "They're all in that big box." "It's probably Vera." "We have to talk to her." "This is Adrien Willer." "I'm not in." "Leave a message." "I'll call you back." "Are you coming swimming?" "For once." "You've gone too far." "You were supposed to come shopping." "At least say you're sorry." "I'm sorry." "ADRIEN'S PRESENCE (two months later)" "I'm glad you called." "I thought that since it was Sunday..." "Smart thinking." " Am I interrupting your work?" " Not at all." "I won't stay long." "The last boat is at 6:00." "Let's have a drink at the port." "Hot?" "It's fine." "What are you up to in Nantes?" "I'm there to see a factory." "I'm supervising a collection of bedspreads." "It's just a mail-order thing." "Are you doing anything interesting?" "Not really, I designed some stuff, but the clientele is conventional." "I'm sort of limited." "It's the same old stuff." "The same problems." "It's not very interesting." "I put off calling." " You were wrong." " I don't think so." "The last time, you used your secretary as a shield." "For a day." "No, for a week." "The week Adrien died." "I know, but it's no excuse." "Things were a little confused then." "Wasn't this his jacket?" "It's the only souvenir I kept." "It's nice." "What's it made of?" "I have no idea." "It looks good on you." "It's pretty here." "Is your uncle renting it to you?" "He's lending it to me, thank God." "I'm broke." "I'm paying back the loan I took out for the apartment." "Plus the renovations." "I'm working like a dog to pay my debts." "When did you get here?" "Two weeks ago." "You're alone?" "It's not too boring?" "On the contrary." "It's relaxing." "In Paris I can't concentrate on writing." "How's your encyclopedia thing?" "I'll just finish one more volume, then I'll quit." "I thought..." "The daily grind isn't my thing." "I'd rather starve and do stuff I like." "Like what?" "I was commissioned to write a book." "I'm almost done." "A secret?" "It's a biography..." "Don't look." "I mean it." "It's about an historic character." "I'm ghostwriting it." "For a politician." "He does nothing?" "He did a little." "He outlined it and threw some ideas into each chapter." "Sounds great." "I wanted to say that I think..." "I understand that you need... someone who's more..." "I can't find my words." "Someone who's..." "Stable." "Stable." "That's the word." "You're not too stable but it doesn't matter." "It's your charm." "At first it's exciting..." "What?" "I know what I'm saying." "I know..." "I'm pretty unbalanced." "When I'm in pain, I screw up." "At first it's great physically." "It has a calming effect." "But afterwards, you know..." "I don't know what you're getting at." "Neither do I. I'm confused." "My ideas seemed clear in the boat, but they've blown away." "My head is full of cross winds." "Jot down your ideas." "I did, but I lost the paper." "I swear." "Hi, Jeremy." "How are you doing?" "My daughter." "You have a daughter?" "You've never met?" "She's a big girl." "We're seeing a movie with Jenny." "I'm going to the gym." "I've taken up Thai boxing." "It does me good." "It's nice and violent." "Did you see the paper?" "No, why?" "Adrien Willer's Last Words." "Did you get the book?" "I sent it yesterday." "They seem to like it." "It's my best book." "Jenny and I tried to respect his notes." "It was hard." "They were confusing." "Lots of little changes." "He'd have been happy." "I don't think he cared." "No, he cared." "He pretended not to, but he did." "He was above it." "Anyway, it's too late now." "You want Anne?" "She's not here." "It's been a week." "Has she called in?" "Not at all." "That's not her style." "The boxes stay here." "She missed a dinner." "She didn't call." "I'm getting worried." "We were supposed to go away." "Let's go have a coffee." "Watch out." "She's a little strange." "I don't think so." "I think I really understand her." "When things are good, she's radiant." "Not only then." "A Pernod." "Two." "But all of a sudden when things go wrong, she's like a black hole." "I'm not easy to get along with, so I'm a bad judge of others." "You love her a lot." "You had a thing with her." "She told me." "Does it bother you?" "I don't idealize her." "We're adults." "We've been through things." "We're not innocent virgins." "It took me a while to admit it, but I really love her." "She's in London." "How do you know?" "She told me." "She said not to tell anyone." "I guess I'm betraying her." "Adrien's book is doing pretty well." "I think we'll reprint it." "But it's still too early to say." "So it's a success." "I wouldn't go that far." "It's doing better than I expected." "How about his other books?" "I check once in a while." "They're not selling." "Too bad." "Did you look in his papers?" "Anything worth publishing?" "Just some sketches." "Odds and ends." "There's his diary." "Not all of it." "The last part." "About Vera." "It's touching." "A real love story." "With a teenager." "She's barely a teenager." "It's a bit embarrassing." "How old is this Vera?" "15, 16." "We'll have problems with her family." "Out of the question." "You'll figure that out with Marc." "Joseph..." "Costa." "I'll be gone." "You'll give Marc your diskettes." "Do you have them?" "It doesn't matter." "I'll drop them off." "For example, with Micheaux, you left out the dates of his travels." "Otherwise it's fine." "I wanted to ask you if you knew..." "I don't know if I can ask this." "Was Adrien Willer your friend?" "Sure he was." "Was he yours too?" "I'd love to have known him." "I've only read his last book." "It was wonderful, so I looked for others by him." "They're pretty rare." "I found two." "I read the last one too." "It was great." "I had no idea." "Of course." "All of his books are good." "The last one less so." "Why do you say that?" "He didn't really finish it." "He wanted to rework the whole thing." "He didn't have time." "I think it's fine as it is." "I like its incertitude." "It's always the same thing." "You die and you're a genius." "When he was alive, no one read Adrien Willer." "Now everyone's grabbing the body, putting words in his mouth." "That's not what counts." "His work is alive." "It belongs to everyone." "For how long?" "It'll last a year, that's all." "It'll last." "I think it'll last." "Is what he wrote that good?" "Of course." "I always found it interesting, but I thought his writing had certain limits." "We need to talk." "I'm leaving soon." "I'm coming." "What kind of limits?" "He only saw his own little world." "It makes his writing minor." "No, it's not minor." "I think his best books were ahead of him." "Can I come in?" "Sure." "I was in London." "You didn't stay long." "You won't ask why I went?" "Or why you left without telling me." "You don't care?" "I do." "I didn't do much." "I have a cousin who works there." "She has a studio in Chelsea." "I stayed with her." "I needed to think." "About what?" "I don't know." "About my life." "Can I have a drink?" "What?" "A whiskey." "Didn't we finish it the last time?" "I was worried." "About what?" "I don't know." "Loving." "Being loved." "It's always like this." "Since you got back to Paris, I keep wondering if it will work." "Because if ever by chance things were going well..." "I'd fuck it all up." "I'm great at wreaking havoc." "When it comes to drama, I'm pretty gifted." "What did you decide?" "Here I am." "To talk?" "No, to stay." "How are you?" "You're punctual." "I hope it's okay." "It was harder than I expected." "Tell me what he thinks." "I'm sure it'll be swell." "He won't read it right away." "Congress has just convened." "I suggest the following:" "I'll read through it and then we'll talk." "We'll polish it up before he reads it." "That's fine." "I asked you to meet me here and I just realized I used to come here with a friend who lived nearby." "And it was..." "It was..." "It doesn't matter." "Any other projects?" "Since this job gave me... some financial stability..." "I need some matches." "Can I have some matches?" " Another drink?" " No, thank you." "So now I can work on something more personal." "A novel?" "We'll see." "We'll see if I make it to the end."