"I'm here to see Rod McCain." "Willa Weston." "I'm not gettin' an answer." "You'll have to wait, ma'am." "I'm starting work here today, and I can't be late." "Can I help?" "I don't think so." "Could you try Mr. McCain's assistant again, please?" "I already did, ma'am." "You sure I can't help?" "Am I not on the list?" "Don't worry, Bill." "I'll take her up." "She's from the White House." "Whateveryou say, Mr. McCain." "Vince McCain." "I'm the son." "This way." "You are?" "Willa Weston." "I'm here to manage WOCT networks." "And you are vice president ofmarketing." "Yes, but mostly I just wait for my father to die." "What was that thing about the White House?" "I wasjust changing his perception ofthe situation." "First law ofmarketing." "So, what would you like to know about the most powerful man alive?" "Around here, he's known as " Rod Almighty."" "Wait right here." "He called me." "I'll be right out." "He called me." "Hi, Neville." "How's it going?" "Rod's busy." "Yes." "Yes." "Oh, yeah!" "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "Oh, yes!" "I did it." "I did the deal." "One-four-five?" "One-three-bloody-eight." "Hit me." "You bloody beauty!" "Way to go, Dad!" "We did it again!" " Oh, it's you." " Dad, can I introduce" "I don't have time." "I'm late for the finance meeting." " But, Dad" " Shut up." " What do we do about Detroit?" " Close it." "It's done." "Call me Rod." " Welcome aboard." " Thanks." " Dad, I'd like to introduce" "Just signed a beautiful deal." "Alliance Leisure, U.K. The sweetest part is..." "I snatched it from under the nose ofthat bastard Murdoch." " What are the crownjewels?" " Northeast Television... and Great British Publishing." "There's a film distribution company, 1 4 multiplexes, some bingo halls" " Three ice rinks, a crematorium" " Nice little owner, that, and a zoo." " A zoo?" " Yep." "Gotta go, Willa." "Finance meeting." "Back, Neville." "So, make a lot ofmoney for me at" " WOCT." " Sorry." " What?" " Sold it this morning." "Don't worry." "We'll find something forya." "Talk toyou later." " That's it?" " That's Dad." " You mean I don't have ajob?" " Look, Willa" " I just gave up a vice presidency." " No worries, Willa." "We've got lots ofjobs." "We're always expanding." "Neville, check our liability on the Detroit pension rights." " Righto." " Vince, go away." " Where are my grapes?" " I'm sorry, Mr. McCain." "I wanted grapes!" "It was a natural mistake." "I wanted grapes." "Get the fruit." " What's going on at that zoo?" " What zoo?" "The oneyoujust acquired in Britain." "We put in a guy from Octopus TV, Hong Kong." "Hard-nosedlittle Chinesebastard calledLee." "He usedtobein the Hong Kongpolice." "SpeaksgoodEnglish, but" " Big cats over there, right?" " Yes." "And small mammal house there." " That's right." " Good." "Mammals." "Haveyou any background in animals?" "Well, I've eaten a lot, you know." "Sorry.Joke." "Good evening." "Now, for those ofyou who have not met meyet, my name is Rollo Lee... and as ofyesterday morning, I have assumed command ofthis zoo... and I shall be reporting to our new owners, Octopus, Inc., ofAtlanta." "Now, Octopus, ofcourse, is owned by Mr. Rod McCain, who... as I'm sureyou were aware, is a remarkable man." "Starting with his father's radio stations in New Zealand... he has built up a global empire... currentlyworth more than six billion dollars... and growing." "How much does he want in the end?" "Yeah." " What ?" " How much bigger does he wanna get?" "Well, there aren't any limits." "He wants growth." "Presumably, he's aware of Dr. E.F. Schumacher's... concept oflimited resources or, asJean-Paul Sartre puts it" "Any sensible questions?" "Yes." " Areyou going to close the zoo?" " Yeah." "I'm very glad you asked me that." " No, you're not." " Yes, I am." " No, you're not." " Now, look." "This zoo has to make money." "It does." " Yes, yes, but not enough." " Enough forwhat?" "Now, don't" "Actually, I will tell you precisely." "Mr. McCain requires a 20% return on capital... from each and every asset in his empire." "Why 20%?" "Because he does, that's why." "Could we explore that thinking a little?" "Yeah." "I thought not." "Despite the fact that current management theory regards" "Despite the fact that current management theory regards" "Now, the big problem is this:" "How do we cut costs... and attract more visitors?" "I'll tell you from my experience at Octopus Television... exactlywhat draws the biggest audiences all over the world." "Violence." "Oh, yes." "Mr. Sylvester Stallone did not get where he is today... by playing inJane Austen." "What's that got to do with it?" "Therefore, in this zoo... we require only animals that are potentiallyviolent." "Fierce animals." "All the rest, I'm afraid, will have to go." "What d'you mean, go?" " We'll have to find them other homes." " What?" "Outside the zoo?" "This zoo is dedicated to conservation." " Yes." " I am all in favor ofconservation... and the three things that I want to conserve are this zoo... yourjobs and fierce animals." "He barges in here without the slightest idea ofwhat" " You two don't seem very upset." " We are, really." " Becauseyour animals are fierce?" " No, we think it's" " Diabolical." " What does he mean by "fierce"?" "A giraffe can kick a man's head off, butyou wouldn't call them "fierce."" "It's the same with sea lions and penguins." "I mean, people don't think ofthem as violent, but they can be killers." "Why haveyou all gone quiet?" "Areyou trying to tell me that coati is fierce?" "Please!" "This is a wild animal." "It's not domesticated." "You take a libertywith one ofthese things, they giveyou a very nasty nip." "A safety pin would give me a nasty nip." "I'll tell you what's fierce." "Fierce is biting the whole hand off." " The whole hand?" " Thankyou." "It is all right ifit wrenches the hand off?" "Oh, yes, fine." "Lotterby, could I have a word with you, please?" " These areyour meerkats, correct?" " Don't do that, please, sir." " They go straight for the throat." " This new plaque ofyours... says that they're known as "The Piranhas ofthe Desert."" "Is that right?" "They can strip a human carcass in three minutes." "My encyclopedia says they're easily tamed and often kept as pets." "You've not been attacked by one, sir." "Nobody's been attacked by one, Lotterby... or, rather, ifthey have, they never noticed." "Now, these Patagonian maras ofyours... devastate entire Argentinian villages, do they?" "They completelywipe 'em out, sir." "Shocking to watch." "It says here they eat grass." "That's for hors d'oeuvres, sir." "When their blood's up" "Lotterby, you are trying to deceive me into thinking..." " some ofyour animals are fierce..." " I'm talkin' about the rogue ones, sir." "when they are, in fact, loveable, cuddly and surplus to requirements." "You want ever animal here a psycho?" "Exactly." "I want a lethal weapon in every cage." " So what do we do with all the others?" " Simple." "Get rid of'em." " Willa, can I askyou a question?" " Sure." " Are those breasts real?" " Yes." "You know, Willa, you better be careful dressed like that around here." "People will thinkyou're sleeping yourway to the top." "Just as long as they don't think I'm sleeping myway to the middle." "What areyou doing?" "I'm going to askyour father ifI can go run the zoo." "What?" "You want to go to the Third World and operate an animal toilet?" "Animals, paper clips, television companies." "It's all business." "Willa, these things smell." "With enough zoos up and running, we are talking billions." "Wow!" "How about dinner tonight?" "You can wearyour office clothes." "No, I have to get up early." "I'm pitching it to Rod in the morning." " What's the hurry?" " I don't want to give our ruthless... little Chinese friend time to make an impact." "Idaresay theyare upset, Di, butIhaveajob to do." " Yes, I know, but I" " Look, I have to be hard-nosed, okay?" "McCain demands it." "All the time, you've got to be tough, tough, tough." "God knows why." "You mean Octopus is ruled by fear?" "No, no." "Terror." "I've got this one chance to show that I can run something or I'm out... and at my age, scrap heap." "Mr. Lee, there's a call from Atlantis." " Atlantis?" " Atlanta." "Hello." "Lee here." "Rollo, Nev here." "Rod would like a word with you." "That's right." "The wifeandkidssettledinyet?" "Yes." "Everything's absolutely terrified here, thanks." "Sir, howkindofyou toask." "Rollo, Rod here." "Got the wife and kids settled in?" "Yes, yes, yes, sir." "Let me know whatyou're gonna do to push earnings up to our favorite 20%, okay?" "It's marvelous to have this opportunity ofexplaining what I've got in mind." " Hello, Rollo?" " Hello again, Mr. McCain." "It's Nev, mate." "So the wife and kids are settled in all right?" "Look, I don't want to seem awkward... but I'm not married and I haven't got any children." "What happened to Rod?" "He's been called away." "So let Rod knowyour plans, okay?" "Zoos are not moneymakers, Willa." "Mr. McCain, with good marketing, cash comes walking in the gate... and with sponsorships, even more cash." "That was my idea, Dad." "I've got several lined up already." "Just think ofit as a prototype for a chain ofcash cows." "Sort ofa cash dairy, eh?" "Sort ofa cash dairy, eh?" "This inclination towards absolutism within the Austro-Hungarian empire." "C.B. Wedgewood in" "Yes?" "Come in." "Yes?" " Here are the animals, sir." " What animals?" "The first batch ofanimals that are definitely not fierce, sir." "Ah, good." "Yes?" "We tried to place them with other zoos." "No takers." "Doyou mean ofall the zoos in this country, you can't find a single one" "Zoos are keeping less and less species, sir." "Well, what about having people take them as pets?" " Pets?" " Oh, come on, now." "They need expert attention." "Anyway, it's not allowed, sir." "Quarantine regulations." "Well, can we release them back into the wild?" "In the wild, there's no safe habitat for this one." "What doyou propose?" "There's only one solution, Mr. Lee." "What the London Zoo proposed... a fewyears ago when the government wouldn't give any more funds." " What was that?" " Shoot 'em." "Areyou seriously telling me... there's no otherway ofgetting rid ofthese animals?" "Not... unless you were to change the Fierce Animal Policy." "Nope." "You sure about that in the circumstances, sir?" "Perfectly sure, thankyou." " They're very dear creatures." " That's not in dispute." "Butyou would like them killed in line with your policy?" "Ifyou really have explored all the other avenues, yes." "I mean, ifextermination is the only choice, so be it." "I'm sorry, but I see no alternative." "The Fierce Animal Policy... is absolutely essential... for the continuing survival of" " What areyou doing?" " Well, it'sjust that... we'd rather not shoot them ourselves, sir." " We're very fond ofthem." " We're keepers... and now we're not keeping them." "Oh, I see." "I'm shooting them, am I?" " Ifit's not too much trouble." " No, no, fine." "Doyou have my diary there?" "Thankyou." "You will make it quick, sir, won'tyou?" "Doyou mean I'm not allowed to torture them a bit firstjust for fun?" " You wouldn't do that!" " I wasn't being serious, stupid girl!" "Hardly the time forjokes." "Bye-bye, Suzie." "Bye-bye, Petal." "I tried." "Be brave, Mitzi." "Bye, Rollo." "I'd prefer it ifyou called me " Director."" "I was talking to the lemur!" "The lemur is called " Rollo"?" "She named him afteryou." "It was a mark ofrespect." "Would you pass the marmalade, please?" "You should have seen his face when he realized he was supposed to shoot them." "Without wishing to detract from your award-winning performances... may I be so bold as to inquire whatyou hope to achieve by this prank?" "It wasn't a prank, Bugsy." "We're tryin' to confront him with the reality." "Ifyou paint him into a corner, you'll find that he will" "Shut up." "He's not a cold-blooded murderer." "We've given him the five sweetest, cuddliest, most loveable" " I told you so." " Shut up!" "Bugsy, he'll start on yours next." " Yes?" " Hello, Rollo." " Yes?" " Vince here." "Howyou doin'?" " You having dinner?" " Dinner?" "It's 2:00 in the morning." "Oh, wereyou asleep?" "Yes, Ifrequentlyam at2.:00a.m., I'm afraid." "Filthy habit I picked up in the Far East." "Gee, ifthis communique is in anyway sleep-interruptive..." " I'll re-telephoneyou later." " It'snotsleep-interruptive, really." "Let's chatnow." "Icanalways catch up onsomerest." "Christmasprobably." " Right." " Good." "Let's talk marketing, shall we?" " Good." " Yeah." "First thing tomorrow..." "I'd likeyou to send me the most current marketing figures you've got, okeydoke?" "Right." "Rollo, hi." "Willa Weston here." "Areyou all right?" "No, no." "Notnow." "Notnow." " You got a problem with now?" " No, no." "I'm fine." "Don'tdo that." "Sorry." "Hangonamoment." "Suzie, be quiet." "Hello?" "I'm going to putyou on holdjust for one moment." "Okay?" "Thankyou." "Another filthy habit he picked up in the Far East." "Now, youjust go over there." "Right." "Stay." "Don't, don't, don't." "Just stop it." "I'vegot to talk with thosemarketing Moonies." "Just go over there and play with each other." "Right." "Go on." " He's got two girls." " Goaway, Suzie." "Suzie, what areyou going down there for?" "No, stop licking my" " Careful!" "Don't bite." "No, Ican'tfoolaroundwithyounow." "Don't pull." "Don't pull." "Get" " There." "There." "Stay." "Stay." "Cindy, get offthe bed." "Cindy, off, off!" "." " Idon't wantyounow." " Three girls?" "Cindy, goaway!" "All right, all right." "Just go." "Oh, that is disgusting." "Sorry." "I had a bit ofa cramp." "Hello?" "Hello!" "He must have eaten a whole rhino horn." "Now, there's a thought." "I'll be right back." "Takeyour time." "How does he get three girls?" "Where does the third one go?" "Bastard." "The place is probably crawling with young, beautiful female zookeepers." "Damn!" "I hate it when people abuse positions oftrust... for their own personal, sexual gratification." "It's demeaning to women." " Tell me about the sponsorships." " What sponsorships?" "The ones you told Rod about." " I made that up." " Vince, I told" "What areyou doing?" "I'm getting undressed for sex." "I thoughtyou were in the bedroom." "I was getting us dinner." "You wanna eat first?" "Oh, goody-goody." "Goody." "Vince, I invited you here tonight... to say "thankyou" for helping me with Rod." "Not tojump in the sackwith you." "Whoa, wait, wait-- What is the problem?" "I really likeyou." "Who knows what might've happened?" "Oh, you mean ifyou weren't going to England tomorrow?" "Exactly." "Look, it's all right." "I understand." " Really?" " Yes." " You sureyou're okaywith this?" " Yes." " Really?" " Yeah, I'm fine." "Thanks." "'Cause I'm going with you." " What?" " Yes!" "Surprise!" "I talked to Rod, and he said we could run the zoo together!" "Great!" "You'renotgonnalethim go to MarwoodZoo?" "I know it's only 4,000 miles away, Nev, but it's a start." "Still, it's tough on Willa, getting landed with the idiot son." "She can manage him." "She's a natural-born corporate killer." "Right this way, Mr. McCain." " You have the questions?" " Yes." "Back, Nev." "No." "No." "No!" "You better send a good bookkeeperwith him." "He would never dare try to steal again." "Fakin' my signature." "Not afterwhat happened to him last time." "That's enough." "You must be the intellectuals." "What doyou wanna know ?" "Whatabout the5,000layoffs ifyouclose down in Chicago?" "Ifanyemployees were letgo, it would dependonsecond-quartergrowth..." "Ifanyemployees were letgo, it would dependonsecond-quartergrowth... because we don't wannaloseanyone unlessitisabsolutelynecessary." "Weat Octopusare in thebusiness ofjob creation." "Currently, we employmore than 70,000people worldwide." "Sometimes circumstances require parts ofthe companytoberelocated." "It's inevitable inanybusiness that's going to face the competition, and" "Scared?" "Don't worry about Terry." "He wouldn't hurt a fly." "Actually, he would hurt a fly being a Mexican redknee tarantula..." "Brachypelmasmithi, and therefore particularly partial to flies." "The point is that Terry... has a bite relatively harmless to human beings." "Yetyou reacted as though he were fierce... which he isn't!" "Yes, I've always had a bit ofa thing about spiders, actually." "So, ifcreatures are thought to be fierce... they are, ipso facto, fierce!" "Sorry, Director." "We need the guns." " What?" " Animal has escaped." "We must catch it." " We need three, sir." " Tranquilizer darts?" "Gerry's got the blowpipe, sir." "We need the real thingjust in case." " Okay, I'll get one too." " Don't worry." "We can handle this." "Keep back, everybody." "Please, keep back." " What's going on?" "Just recapturing an animal." "Nothing to worry about." "It's not fierce." "Why haveyou got the guns then?" "Just a precaution." "Don't worry." "Everything's under control." "How did the blackwidow spider get its name, Mr. Lee?" "Because it eats its mate." "We've caught it, ladies and gentlemen, so we can all relax." "And thankyou very much foryour cooperation." "Thankyou." "Well done, everyone." "Well done." " What is that?" " That is an anteater." "Not too close!" "He's angry." " Angry?" " They got wicked tempers, sir." " Devastate small towns, do they?" " No, not" " Stop, stop, stop." " Look at the claws." "They're diabolical." "Lotterby, you did not need three guns to recapture this." "A sharp stickwould've sufficed." "A sharp stickwould've sufficed." "A sharp stick?" "Believeyou me, sir, hisjaws" "It's an anteater, not a man-eater." "What would you be saying ifhejumped into that pram?" " What would you say to the child's mum?" " I'd be saying..." "" Madam, you were the victim of an eight billion-to-one chance... a leaping anteater, an evolutionary mutant previously unknown to science."" " They climb like monkeys." " Will you be quiet?" "Just get this fluffy toy back in its enclosure... and stop insulting my intelligence!" "The tsetse fly, Muscidaeglossina." " Ten blood-sucking millimeters long." " Areyou all right?" " One ofthe major disease carriers." " I'm fine." "I'll be okay." " Is she hurt?" " Little local difficulty." " She took a libertywith a bandicoot." " A bandicoot?" " My God!" " It'sjust a flesh wound." " A few stitches, I'll be back at work." " Areyou sure?" "Don't worry." "It's part ofthejob with the bandicoots." "Just be careful ofthose bandicoots." " The bandicoots." " Bandicoots, right." " Pity about Pip's leg." " But it's good for the zoo, isn't it?" " What?" " All this fierceness." " What's that?" "Just a bite, sir." " From what?" " What's going on now?" " It's the sea lions, sir." "Sea lions?" "What?" "Are they attacking someone?" "Thankyou!" "Everything's fine." "Nothing to worry about." "Nice crowds today, Director." "Yes, yes, very good." "And she's a fully trained telephone engineer." " Really?" " Yes." "I didn't know that." "Enjoying the show?" " Stunning creatures, sea lions." " Wonderful plumage." "Lovely movers, too, considering the flippers." "God at His best, I'd say." "She couldn't do that ifit were fierce." "What?" "Ifit were fierce, she couldn't go in there with them." "I'm 1 00% behind the Fierce Animals Policy." "But in a case ofanimals like that, the attendances speak for themselves." "I understand the purpose ofthe policy is to increase attendances." "But where attendances are already high for non-fierce animals..." "I would've thought there'd be an exception to the general rule." "Then there's the African migratory locust" "Perfect." "Stay." "It's typical, isn't it, these management types?" "No inkling ofinterest in any subject other than their own." " Bit more." " Not too much." "Gotta look real." "Right." "Better not do anyone else today or he might get a bit suspicious." " Oh, yeah." " We don't want to make him too fierce." "I have a suggestion." "To make a complete idiot ofhim... let's make those wounds as realistic as possible, shall we?" "Open the door!" "Something wrong with the sights on this." "I keep hitting coffee mugs." "Right." "I'll seeyou three in my office, 9:00 tomorrow morning." "Oh, my God!" "Did you know that the anopheles mosquito kills more people in a year... than all the wild animals in Africa in a century?" " Wereyou shooting more animals?" " No,just culling a few keepers." "Leg better, is it?" "Miracle recovery or" "He'sjust shot a keeper!" "Watch out!" " No, I haven't!" " He is in there dying!" "Look out." "Be quiet!" "Stop that or I'll" " Everything under control." " Oh, my God, he's gone mad!" "Nothing to worry about." "Here we are." "Yeah." "Right." "Mr. Lee, I'm afraid there's been an accident." "Ofcourse there has, Lotterby, and I can promiseyou, it's the last one." " What?" " This lady fell, Mr. Lee" "No, surely she's been savaged by a chipmunk or gored by a gopher... or disemboweled by a chicken, hasn't she?" " Come on." "Get off." "I've had enough." " What?" " Put that stretcher down, you two." " I fell." " She did." "Scout's honor." " I'm warning you, Lotterby." "Put the stretcher down now!" "What areyou doing?" " Oh, come offit.Just get up." " She needs treatment." " No, she doesn't." " She's hurt her leg." " No, it's fake." " What?" "It's fake blood." "Look." "Taste it." " It's fake." " Fake?" "Yes, fake." "Try ityourself." " Who is this?" " He's the director ofthe zoo." " He's in charge." " You've been rumbled, okay?" " What?" " You're not fooling anyone, so get up." " What is going on?" " Don'tyou understand?" "This is artificial blood." "The whole thing's a charade." " She's not hurt." " She is hurt." "She'sjust one ofthe keeper's wives." " She's mywife!" " Look, taste the blood!" "She's mywife!" " Taste the blood." "She's yourwife?" " She's mywife!" " Wait a moment." " He's drinking her blood!" "Stop!" " Areyou sure she's yourwife?" " Ofcourse!" "Just get away from her!" " Let's be sensible about this." "Count Dracula's telling me to be sensible?" " What is happening here?" " He's sucking her blood!" " He's what?" " Look at his lips!" " He's the director ofthe zoo." " You're Rollo Lee?" " Christopher Lee, more like." " This woman is injured." " She needs attention." " I know she needs treatment." " Youjust told everyone she didn't." " Beforeyou bit her." " Areyou in pain, Mrs." " Pike." "No, but it's tender." " I can handle this." " No, you can't." " I'm in charge." "Yes, I am!" " No, you're not." "By God, you Americans are pushy!" "Who the hell doyou thinkyou are?" "Welcome to Marwood Zoo." "Can I offeryou a coffee, doughnut?" " Cappuccino." " That's him!" " There he is." " You're under arrest." "Come here." " He shot a keeper." " No, he didn't." "He tried to, but he missed." "Missed?" "Look at that." " Get offher, you pervert!" " Rape!" "So the big question is... what am I gonna do with you all?" "'Cause I'm almost certainly on the scrap heap, you see." "Ah, well." "A pity." "I like it here." "Lookwhatyou've done!" "That's the second time." "Don't they teach you any manners in Argentina?" "Ifyou do that again, I will shootyou." "Coming!" "Come on." "Get in there." "Quick." "Quick." " I still saywe shouldjust fire him." " Okay, fine." " You call your father." " Come here, darling." "Now, quiet, you two." "All right." "Suzie?" "Suzie, come here." "He's at it again." "Come on." "Get in there." "No fighting." "Stop it." "Cut it out." "Oh, hello." "Can we come in?" "You are still working, right?" "It's 3:00 in the afternoon." " Oh, doyou want the report?" " Yes." " So, we can come in." "Okay?" "Yeah?" " Good idea." "Good idea." "Bit ofa mess, I'm afraid." "I just spilled something." "Look, Rollo, we've been reviewing your situation... and we've decided... to reappraiseyour position." " Away from the public." " You saw the local paper?" "Yeah, the "Vampire Gunman Runs Amok" story?" "That?" "Yes." "Bloody newspapers." "Ha!" "Report to me tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. and we'll discuss the position." "And your new office." "One thing beforeyou go." "About those five animals that I'm supposed to have shot" " Smart career move, bub." " What?" "Killing them saved your ass from extinction." " Oh, I see." " No, theyjustputitin." "Well, it wasn't an easy decision, obviously." "You know, you've gotta be hard-nosed, because... toughness is the name ofthe game ifyou want no-nonsense management." "After all, toughness is what it's all about these days." "Toughness and hard-noseness." "Well, hard-nasality, as I mentioned before." "That is the bottom line, as Rod often says." "Rod is right." "Remarkable man." "Absolutely remarkable man." "Rod is right." "Remarkable man." "Absolutely remarkable man." "Six billion dollars!" "How extraordinary!" "Damn radiator." " Hardly slept last night." " I bet." "Listen, Rollo, I don't likeyou." "You're weird and unattractive." "You'd better reposition your attitude-- vis-a-vis certain members ofthe female staff-- oryou're gonna be out ofhere." ""Certain members ofthe female staff"?" "Oh, please." " Well, I thinkhe'ssexy." " Sexy?" "He looks like a giraffe in drag." "Did you get a whiffofhis cologne?" "Eau de Monkey Fart." "He's a geek." "The way he moves, it's like he's borrowed his body for the weekend... and hasn't figured out how it works yet." "He's got something." "He's been demoted, and the girls are still all over him." "I bet they're real dogs." "Mangy, nearsighted, weight-watcher rejects." "God, he's so male." " Him ?" " No,Jambo." "Look." "Isn't he wonderful?" " Oh, yeah, yeah." " Reminds me ofmy father." "Was your father ugly?" "No, it'sjust I didn't get to see him very much." "But when I did, he used to take me to the Atlanta Zoo... to see Willy B., the gorilla there." "That's when I felt close to him." "To the gorilla?" "No, to my father." "Lifejust seemed simple then." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Is this all he does?" "I mean, because the zoo is after the entertainment dollar, right?" "Is that the show?" "Because if this is the evening performance..." "I'm glad I missed the matinee." "What doyou do for an encore?" "Fall asleep?" "You really don't like animals, doyou?" "It's not that I don't like them." "I just don't see the point." "I rememberwhen I was five, my mother got me this dog." "I just didn't get it." "I suppose I had nothing I needed fetched." "So I sold him." " Oh, that's sad." " Oh, he got over it." "No, foryou." "It's very sad foryou becauseyou couldn't love a puppy." "This is the kind ofconversation two people have when one ofthem is female." "Surprise!" " Celebrate our partnership." " Our partnership." "That's right." "However, there'sjust one thing I couldn't help noticing." "I don't know ifyou did." "We still have separate bedrooms." "Just missed." "I mean, we have taken over the zoo." "We are here in England." "To us." "I think it's too soon." "Why?" "Because what we have is special." "No, it isn't." "Yes, it is." "It's too soon." "How too soon?" "Goddamn it!" "Thanks, asshole!" "This is your fault!" "You!" "Oh, hello." "Lovely evening." "What areyou doing with that?" " Oh, the lemur?" " Yeah." "Oh,just putting it back in its enclosure." "Why'd you take it out?" "For a walk, you know, exercise." "It can hardly move in there." "The exercise is for me." "So what doyou need that for?" "That's a good point, actually." "Well, perhaps I won't bother in future." "Thanks for the hint." "Wereyou gonna use that for target practice?" "Or one ofyour orgies?" " Orgies?" " Yeah!" "I'm ontoyou." "You were gonna put that somewhere." "You're sick!" "Is there a history ofinsanity in your family... or is smashing up trolleys the latest American craze?" "No, the latest American craze, pal, is firing weirdos likeyou!" "Come on, Rollo, let's getyou back home before some loony attacks this trolley." ""Come on, Rollo"?" "He's talking to himself, and I'm the loony!" "Animals are boring!" "But people pay money to see them, which led me to my latest inspiration." "We are talking about a whole new concept in sponsorship... that completely eliminates the non-event impact deficit." "For instance" " What have we here?" "An African spurred tortoise." "Who gives a shit, right?" "I mean, look at it." "Ifit died, would we know?" "My grandmother's grave is a bigger attraction." "But wait." "It's notjust some nonentity tortoise now." "It's Bruce Springsteen's tortoise." "Immediately, it's an event!" "It's practically a celebrity itself." "Will he come and visit it?" " What?" " Will he come and visit it?" " Yeah, when his schedule allows." " So he's agreed to sponsor it?" "I'm expecting his call any minute." "But the potential!" "We can market little Bruce Springsteen tortoises." "Jurassic Park made halfofits money from those little plastic dinosaurs." "And they're even deader than this heap ofgarbage!" "Follow me!" "Now here we have a Brazilian tapir." "I have to say I've dated better-looking women." "Now, listen to this experience-enhancing... digitally-manipulated educational tool." "Brazilian tapirs." "Solitary, three-toedungulates which inhabitlowlandforests insunny Brazil." "Reachablenowin less than 14hours via BritishAirways'... nonstop flights tostunning Rio deJaneiro." "Imean, it'sbadenough having to wearthis rubbish!" " I do know whatyou mean." " I can only assume he's planning... to turn the entire zoo into a supermarket... where he can sell videos about animals in other zoos." " I agree." " The cheap little souvenirs... the ones they didn't have time to see because theywere too busy shopping." "I'm surprised he hasn't started selling all the animals here." " Look, the point is this" " Special summer sale." "Antelope, 50% off." "Ocelots, 200 pounds each or six for a thousand." "Rhino horn,just thejob for a Friday night." " Could I say something?" " One free porcupine... with every purchase oftwo overpriced T-shirts." "Please!" " Thankyou." "I wanna make this point" " Ifyou ask me" "I don't!" "I can't get a word in edgewise... let alone askyou anything." " You didn't kill them!" " What?" "We checked!" "They're all alive!" "You rascal." "He was only kidding." "Just figured that out, haveyou?" " I say." "Andnowoverhere, this usedtobe thelionhouse... but as it's no longer suitable for animals... we're using it for middle management." "What the hell doyou thinkyou're doing?" "Can you keep a lid on it till the sun goes down, for God's sake?" "Can you keep a lid on it till the sun goes down, for God's sake?" "You're supposed to be working, not prancing around your cell... like a flamingo with a boner!" "Terribly sorry, ladies and gentlemen." "We're having a little problem... getting the right balance with his medication." "This is a family zoo, not the Playboy Mansion, you pervert!" "This is your last warning, Lee!" "Follow me, ladies and gentlemen." "It's perfectly all right." "Sorry about that." "Right this way." "Right this way." "Now I know why they keep him in a cage." "Yes, but we thought you had actually killed them." " I had to pretend I shot them." " Why?" " To preserve my authority." " What authority?" "Yeah, all right, all right." "Anyway..." "I'm just praying that Vince doesn't fire me, 'cause I love it here." "Oh, come on, youjust love putting things in cages, being an ex-cop." "It's true, but this place is still special." " It used to be." " What?" "Before Vince McCain." "He is right at the bottom ofthe food chain, isn't he?" "I fail to see how you can criticize him." "What?" "He's bringing the crowds in, isn't he?" "In order to raise the revenue to the 20% profit margin... thatyou yourselfwere advocating so vociferously less than a month ago" "No, that's not what I was saying." " Yes, you were." " No, I wasn't." " Yes, you were!" " No, I wasn't." "What was the point ofraising it to 20%" "All right, insect breath." "You reallywant to know what I think?" " Yes." " Right." "I'll tell you." "I think the whole Octopus philosophy is poison." "The only aim ofany and every McCain business... is to downsize and halve the quality... to make enough money to acquire another business to downsize... and halve the quality to make enough money... to acquire another business to downsize, et cetera, et cetera... without ever running a single one ofthem reallywell." "And ifanyone ever raises the question ofquality... they're immediately attacked as an elitist... because at Octopus it's considered morally offensive... to talk about anything but money." "All so that Mr. Rod McCain can feel a little more powerful every day." "That's why, instead ofrunning... this wonderful zoo properly... we have to spoil it... in order to finance his next mindless acquisition." "On the other hand, he is a remarkable man" " Tea time!" " Halfpast 8:00." "We should be going." "I haven't finished!" "I haven't finished!" "He is a true visionary of-- Hello." " I wasjust" " Trashing Octopus." "I know." "It didn't really sound like that, did it?" "Why doyou work for us, Rollo?" "Cowardice?" "We all have to live in the real world, or this place is gonna close... but I just wantyou all to know I intend to run this one business reallywell." "And ifyou do, we could open a chain ofthem all over the world." "Little zoos popping up everywhere, all exactly the same." "Leopards on the left, rhinos on the right, monkeys in the middle... sea lions in the center, ferrets in the front" "I hate these banners." "Hello." "Oh, Vince, you idiot." "Areyou all right?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Come on,Jambo." "Come on." "Good boy." "Thereyou go." "I have it." "Yes, I do." "I do have it." "You okay, Miss Weston?" "No, I'm fine, I" "I just" "Oh, you made contact." "That's great." "You don't understand." "I wasn't lying." "Oh, really?" "Just what?" "Altering my perception ofthe situation?" "I spoke with Springsteen direct!" "Direct?" "Oh, really?" "Yeah, he said, "Vince, you were born to run with this." "You have my blessing."" "Then how come I have this pissed-off fax from his agent?" "Oh, this isjust a negotiating ploy." "Just offer him 50% of the total tortoise revenue." "There is no tortoise revenue." " Exactly." "The point is" " The point is, Vince... that this sponsorship stuff is degrading to the animals." "Like what?" "Like that." "That's genius!" "There's not one major award I won't win for that!" "That is unacceptable." " Take it off." " But" " But" "It's brilliant." "It's never been done before!" "Try to work out why." " It's for the zoo." " It's a perfectly reasonable..." " request for information." " She won't tell me!" " She will!" " Not afterwhat I said about Octopus." "She likes you." "She's the one who's always on about consultations." " She likes you." " What doyou mean?" "What she means is, the pheromones... thatyou are unconsciously releasing into the atmosphere... have the physiological effect ofincreasing... the statistical probability ofher taking part... in some form ofmounting behavior, not unlike that ofan African grasshopper!" " Hello." " Oh, hello." " What areyou doing?" "Just visiting some little friends." "Plenty ofthem at the zoo, I've heard." " Yes." "Look, can I askyou something?" " Sure." "About some ofthese sponsorship ideas" "I wonder ifyou and your fiance don't feel that" "Fiance?" "We're not together." "Oh, good." ""Good"?" "I know we're not making 20%yet... but some ofthe marketing devices are a bit crude." " Yes." " Good." "Because, you know, the keepers... and I were" "Oh, look at that." "Aren't they gorgeous?" "Oh, theyjust makeyou want to fondle them." "Oh, yes!" "Yes!" "I see whatyou mean." "Yes." "Is this oneyour favorite?" "Yes, I like him breast of-- best ofall the small mammaries." "Mammals!" "Sorry." " Yes, his name's Rollo, actually." " Really?" "Yes, so I sort offeed him some special titsbits" "Sorry." "Tidbits." "I keep making boobs" "Anyway, hejust loves his nuts." "Does he?" "And is..." "Rollo very sexually active?" "Well, he doesn't have a partner at the moment, you know, ifhe had one." "One?" "I mean,just one?" "He wouldn't get bored or" "I mean, you had two in your cage the other day." "Yes." "Yes." "Only some ofthe sponsorship gimmicks are a bit sexessive" " Excessive." " That's it." "Sorry." "Freudian slit-- slut" "Slip." "Sorry." "Slip." "Rollo, doyou really want to talk about the zoo?" "Well, I thinkwe ought." "How about dinner, tomorrow night?" "Dinner?" "Yes." "Well, yes, I don't think I've got anything else on as yet." "No, that'd be fine." "Good." "Dinner." "Rollo..." "I think I likeyou." "Something in the air." "Fucking hell." "Damn it!" "I can't have dinnerwith you tomorrow." "I'm having dinnerwith Rod McCain." "What, here?" "No, at the Marwood Arms." "Wednesday, then." "Yes, but... he's not gonna close us down, is he?" "The zoo's safe." "Rod trusts me." "Don't worry." " Good." " Seeyou Wednesday." "Good." "I'd like to know what McCain's really thinking." "Just because she trusts him doesn't mean we have to." "I tell you, whatyou need to deal with these big corporations... is inside information." " Where shall I put this?" " On the bed in our room." "We didn't have to use something this big, did we?" "The Revox A-77 is known as being heavier than comparable models... owing to its three-motor design and 1 0-1 /2 inch reel capacity." "Would you likeyour bed turned down now, Mr. Lee?" "No, everything's fine, thankyou." "Good evening." " Acoustic response is required." " Please, Bugsy." "How much longerwill it take to get this mike" "This FM transmitterwill give you wire-free remote sound" "Shut up!" "Sorry." " I'm a bit on edge." " We've got plenty oftime." " We have not got plenty oftime." " McCain's not due for halfan hour." "Doyou know the risk we're taking here?" "If McCain finds us, we're dead meat." "We'll be safely in there." "You do realize this is a criminal act." " Oh, yeah." " Good." "Wireless TelegraphyAct, 1 957, clause five, subsection three." " How soon ?" "How soon ?" "Just one microphone to check." " Right.Just one?" " Yeah." "Another interesting thing about the combination ofthe A-77... with a standard hypercardioid microphone" "Dead wasp." "Luckyyou, Terry." " You all right?" " Yeah." " Any sign ofanything?" " No, notyet." " Everything all right?" " Fine." " You can see the back entrance?" " Everything." "Great." "Keepyour eyes peeled." "Hey, over here!" "Right over here!" "Here we go!" "Yep!" "Whoa!" "Let me get that, Dad." "Oh, damn." "Andas ProfessorStephen Hawking haspointedout... ifyou're watching a star collapse to form a black hole... we must remember that in the Theory of Relativity" " Hurry up !" " May I point out that" " Is the microphone fixed?" " Yeah, yeah." "Let's get in the next room, please, and close the door." " I'djust like to make a point" " I don't care." "I wantyou to be quiet." " Look, I know my loquacity" " Will you can it?" "I mean,just for once?" "Areyou aware what a complete windbag you are?" "Rollo!" "Rollo!" " They're here!" " What?" "Quick!" "The door!" "Other door!" "Other door!" "It's our special, sir." "The Churchill Suite." "I don't care what it's bloody called." "I just wanna know how much money it is." "We've had many famous visitors over theyears." "It's called the Churchill Suite because..." "SirWinston stayed here on two separate occasions." "We do hopeyou will enjoyyour stay." "Ifthere's anything at all" " It's Melbourne." " All right." "Gentlemen, ladies... ifyou'll excuse me, I have a rather important call." "A little bubbly?" "Have some champagne." "Come on." "It's a big day." "I'm so glad to seeyou." "Yes, yes." "A grand day this is." "All right, how much?" "Waiter." "Right." "Right." "What'd be the cost ofa plant in Papua, New Guinea?" "I'm gonna close Melbourne down." " What?" " It's not being recorded." "I know!" "That's why I'm trying to listen!" "They shouldn't be so greedy." "Right." "Fax Atlanta about this." "Beijing called." "We've got the television rights to their public executions." "Worldwide?" " Five guys a week, guaranteed!" " Beauty!" "This is what satellite television was invented for." "Totally cross-cultural." "So Vic" " Vince-- what do want to talk about?" " The zoo's going reallywell, Dad." " Haveyou got the figures?" "It's taken some time to whip the Brits into shape." "Got some amazing plans." "You're going to be proud ofme." "Just give me the figures." "You're not gonna believe what I put together, Dad." "Probably not." "I reallywant to thankyou, Dad, for accommodating me, schedule-wise." "It means a lot to me, both as an employee and flesh- and blood-wise." "Cut the crap." "It was on myway." "Done reallywell, haven't I, Dad?" "Chip offthe old block, eh?" " I'm reading." " Sorry." " Something here doesn't add up." " Ifyou read between the lines" "What areyou doing?" "The tarantula's escaped." "What?" "What?" " The tarantula's loose." " What?" "Told you I'd kick ass, Dad." "What I reallywanted to ask is..." "I feel really close toyou, Dad... these last few moments... and I was wondering, could I get a raise?" " Out ofthe question." " Why?" " I don't have the money." " You got six billion dollars!" "Seven, but things are tight right now." "What the hell's making all this bloody noise?" "Who's there?" "What about a small advance on my inheritance?" "What inheritance?" "I'm your son." "You have to leave me something." "Why?" "'Causeyou screwed up mywhole childhood!" "How could I have?" "Wasn't even there." "Besides, I'm not leaving." " What doyou mean?" " The moment I become seriously ill..." "I'm being cryogenically frozen till they find a cure." "All the money goes into a trust till I get back." "You mean you're not gonna die?" "Bad news, eh?" "Get ahold ofyourself." "That was a sheep." "You mean, you're gonna be immortal?" "Nowyou got it!" "This cryogenic stuffisn't cheap." "It's costing me an arm and a leg." "Sheep are exactly like people, you know." "Give 'em a couple ofmeals a day, theyjust stand there quietly... till you eat 'em." " Christ!" " What?" "That's the biggest goddamn spider I ever saw." "Yeah." "That's probablywhat was making the bleating noise." " I don't like spiders." "Kill it!" " It's terminated." "Damn!" "I missed!" "It must've gone under the sofa." "I'll wait here." "Listen, Vince, you might have to close the zoo down." "What?" "I can make a lot ofmoney ifI sell it to thejapanese as a golfcourse." " But Dad, I'm" " Shut up." "And don't mention it to Willa yet." "Come on." "Let's eat." "I'm starving." " Hello, Mr. McCain." " Hello, Willa." " Am I early?" " You'rejust in time." "How's business?" " So great." "I have so much" " Good, let's eat." " Do I look all right?" " Great, yeah." "Never better." " How'd it go?" " Reallywell." "Let's go." " Is that blood?" " Yeah, spider bite." "Come on." "Let's go." "Terry?" "Terry!" "Thereyou are." "Terry-erries!" " Got him!" " Her bag!" "Never again." "Not at my age." "Hello." "Hello." "What areyou doing?" " Well, to cut a long story short" " No, give me the long version." "Oh, right." "Well, I took the room next door-- just for the evening-- andjust now I noticed that... the interconnecting doorwasn't locked, so I strolled in out ofcuriosity." "You took the room next door?" " Yes, I wanted to..." "Just for the evening?" "listen to some music!" "Good news." "Customer pull-through-- way, way, way up!" "And the feedback has been sensational." "And I want to thankyou all personally for... the enthusiasm you've shown vis-a-vis our latest, new, innovative initiative." "You look fantastic!" "You're no longer a bunch ofsmelly old animal keepers!" "No." "As oftoday, you are official... theme-zoo visitation enhancement facilitators." "Now for the really big news." "This is it, ladies and gentlemen, the coup de zoo." "Ifyou'll just look this way." " Look!" "A panda!" "How did you get it?" " It wasn't easy." " It's beautiful." "Look." " Don't!" " Don't!" "Stop!" " It's a dangerous animal!" "Stay away!" "Back!" "Go on!" "Get out, get out, get out, get out!" "You diabolical bastard!" "You can't put an animatronic animal in a zoo!" " Why not?" " It's not real!" "So what?" "It gaveyou a thrill." "People come from all over the world... who have never seen a panda in theirwhole miserable life." "It's not a real thrill, is it?" "It's artificial!" "Having pandas in England is artificial, for God's sake!" "What doyou want me to do?" "Put everyone on a plane and fly them to Africa?" "Africa?" " They come from China." " Not this baby." "This was handmade in Belgium." "I don't want some cheap Chinese panda." "What's the matter?" "What is wrong with you people?" "I can't stand all this negativity!" " Why aren'tyou pleased?" " Go home!" "What does it take to get appreciated around here?" "This is a hit zoo, thanks to me!" "People come here to feel their connection with nature." "You don't get that with electric pandas." "We'rejust giving them what theywant!" "What about the quality ofthe experience?" "No, Rod says quality has neverworked for him." "Right!" "Everything he touches gets tackier." " That's the price ofsuccess." " Vince!" "I had an extraordinary experienceyesterday." "What sort ofexperience?" " With him." " With him?" "A sort ofcontact." "What?" " You couldn't understand, could you?" " Wait!" "Yes, yes, yes!" "Yes, yes, yes!" "I think I do!" "I don't turn you on anymore because you've got the hots for a gorilla!" "It's not sexual." "He's clearly more attractive than I am, isn't he?" "Yes!" "But let me askyou something." "How much does he earn?" "How much does Mr. Gorilla take home at the end ofthe week?" "Not a lot!" "A couple ofbananas!" "You know how much I'm worth?" "Doyou have any idea how much money..." "I have made since I've been at this stinking zoo?" "1 .2 million dollars!" " Yeah!" "Think about it!" " What areyou talking about?" "I've made nearly 800,000 in sponsorship deals in cash... plus consultancy fees, plus commission on animal futures." "You've been stealing?" "No matterwhat I do orwhat I wear, I can never impress you." " You'rejust like my father!" " This is going to close the zoo." "So what?" "You and me, we walk away with two million dollars." "The place closes." "What a shame." "TheJaps buy it" "Fore! " Hore" in one!" "You know whatyou are?" "You're pronoid." "" Pronoid?"" "It means that contrary to all the available evidence... you actually think that people likeyou." "Your perception oflife is that it's one long benefit dinner in your honor... with everybody cheering you on and wanting you to win everything." "You thinkyou're the prince, Vince." "Well, let me tell you something." "You will put back every last cent... into that zoo account by 1 0:00 tomorrow morning... or I am gonna call your daddy... and tell on you." "Hello." "Ready for dinner?" "Fine, let's leave it." "Perhaps I should explain why I didn't have any trousers on last night." " It doesn't matter." " No, right." "Butyou're wondering why the girls didn't have any kit on either?" "Look, I'm sorry, I" "I don't know what I've done to upsetyou." "It's notyou, Rollo." "I love this zoo." "I love zoo too." "The" " The zoo too." "It's all going wrong." "And now Vince has been stealing." " Stealing?" " Yeah, and if McCain finds out..." "I don't know what he's gonna do." "Okay, look." "Let's find out how obvious it is to Atlanta, all right?" "First we'll see ifthe bank reconciliation figures... and the cash flow tie up." "Then we'll" "Thankyou." "You know about this stuff?" "I was in the police for 20 years." "It's notjust hitting people on the head with dicks" " Sticks!" "Sticks." "Sorry." "Damn." "You see, it is pretty obvious to" "It is pretty obvious ifthey know what they're" "Willa!" "I'm putting the money back... but only because I have feelings fory" "Oh, Rollo, not again!" "How doyou do it?" "I'm gonna call the zoo vet and getyou fixed." "Get the bimbo out of Miss Weston's office." "I can understand the gorilla, but not Mr. Disgusting." " Vince!" " What is it?" "He drugged you?" "Doyou owe him money?" "Was it a dare?" "What?" "He's very attractive." "Attractive?" "Attractive?" "How can you touch him?" "Look at that suit!" "The suit comes off." "I just got an image ofthat!" "You must be desperate!" " Don't speak to her like that." " " Don't speak to her like that!"" "Oh, engaged already, are we?" "You broke up with that lemur pretty quick." "Whose heart areyou gonna break next week?" "Some warthog's?" " Where areyou going?" " I'm out ofhere." " Leave me the money." " I think not." " Vince, it's notyours!" " It is too!" "I stole it whileyou were two-timing me with the Creature from the Black Lagoon." "I wasn't even one-timing you." " We never had a relationship." " You were in love with me." " Oh, please!" " Youjust can't admit it, can you?" "You better hand that back ifyou know what's best foryou." "What century areyou from?" "Paisley!" "Areyou insane?" "I mean, what is the attraction?" "Well, for one thing, he likes animals." " He doesn'tjust like 'em." "He f" " Miss Weston... finds them very attractive." "Doyou mind?" "We're trying to have a board meeting here." "We've been delegated by an emergency meeting ofthe Keepers Committee." "What emergency?" "Last night Rod McCain said he might turn us into a golfcourse." " He did not!" " Yes, he did." " I was in the cupboard listening." " The cupboard?" " He was too." " It's true." " I wantyour cage cleared by 9:00!" " What did he say?" " I'd like to make five points." " In a moment." "One:" "This zoo provides a invaluable amenity." " Ifwe didn't have the 20%..." " Any attempt to close it down-- by the end ofthe month" " Bugsy, please!" " Shut up!" "I can't think!" " Not to mention mass protests" " Hey!" "Yo!" "Mouth-boy!" "Zip it!" "Not to mention mass protests" "My life is falling apart." "He will not shut up!" " Financial markets ofthe world" " Shut up!" "Second:" "In the conservation view, there'd be considerable disruption" "I don't believe it." "I want to have a private word with Vince whileyou're getting the police." "Okay, Rod." "Soyou're gonna close the zoo?" "Too right." "It's way under the 20%." "You realizeyou're going to have to shoot the animals." " So?" " Well, this is England, mate." "We'll get some tame vet to say they've caught some disgusting disease." " Pity this isn't Texas." " Why?" "We could charge people to do it for us." "Fifthly:" "May I remind you it takes at least 1 8 months... to decommission a zoological facility ofthis kind." " Shut up or I'll shoot!" " My God!" "He's gone mad." "What's this, the latest Harvard Business School technique?" "Or merely an extension ofyour policy ofconsultation?" " You would rather talk than live?" " You won't shoot me." " I will!" " Not with a 7.65 Baretta .34." " Oh, really?" "Why not?" " The safety catch is still on." "Grab him!" "Get the gun, get the gun!" "What in bloody hell's going on here?" "Dad!" "You look great!" "Howya doin'?" "Clear off, you freaks!" " Who in bloody hell areyou?" " This is Rollo Lee." "Mr. McCain." "I'd like to make five points about the zoo." " Go away." " Point one:" "The zoo" " You've been stealing from me again." " Stealing?" " My God, I've caughtyou red-handed." " Oh, that!" "I wasjust putting that back." "I borrowed that" " Neville's gone to the police." " What?" " You're going tojail, Vince." " Oh, no!" "Not again!" "Mr. McCain, Vince'll put the money back." "I promise." "Sorry, Willa, but I'm gonna have to close the zoo too." "What?" "Why?" "We're up to 20%!" " No, you're not." " Oh, we are!" "We are with this!" " Areyou sure?" " I swear it." "Nearly 25." "All right, I'll leave it open." "But don't let it drop." "Sayyou won't have me arrested or I'll kill you." " You won't shoot me." " Oh, yes, I will." "You haven't got the guts to shootyour own father." "Yes, I do!" "Get back!" "Go on then." "Go on, you spineless twat!" "See?" "You're no son ofmine." "Oh, yeah, good idea!" "Give us all a good laugh, you wuss!" "I am not a wuss!" "Wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss!" " Oh, God, I hateyou." " I hateyou!" " Gimme that gun." " It's all right." "It's a Baretta .34" "You're fired." "Is he dead?" "Oh, great." "Terrific." "He decides to keep the zoo open, soyou kill him." "Brilliant." "Well done." "Thankyou so much, especially for shooting him right between the eyes... so that it doesn't look like an accident... because the people at Octopus will know he was coming here to close us down." "So there's our motive for murdering him." "Stunning." "Well, Mr. Brain of Britain, what are we going to tell the police... who are, ofcourse, already on theirway here?" "Another example ofthe thoroughness ofyour plan." "Go on." "I'm all ears." "What doyou suggest we do with the dead body... ofthe incredibly famous man... whoyou havejust assassinated?" "Sorry, I didn't quite catch it." "What?" "What was it?" "Pop him in the blender?" "I know he's dead!" "I did notice!" "Well" " What?" "Give it, give it, give it... beforeyou shoot somebody else!" "What areyou doing?" " I'm freezing him." " Why?" "He's gotta be cryogenically frozen until they find a cure!" " A cure?" " Yeah." " He has a bullet in the brain." " Well, get more ice!" "Vince, there is no cure for a bullet in the brain." "It is very fatal." " You mean he's dead?" " Yes." " And he's not coming back?" " No." "I'm sorry." "I'm so happy!" "You're dead!" "You're dead!" "You're dead!" "You big, fat bastard!" "Yes, Bugsy!" "High five!" "Low five!" "I loveya!" "Life begins!" "So what are we gonna do?" "I never have to listen toyou again, do I?" "With your, "You're no son ofmine, you miserable little worm." "You've been a disappointment to me since the day... your mother farted you out ofherwomb."" "Good idea!" "I need something to glue the mustache down with." "I need things for the hair." " Neville, that's good, mate." " That's terrible." "Oh, no, those eyebrows are terrible." " Squintyour eyes together." " Like that?" " Right like that." "Hold that." " Careful!" " Glasses!" " Oh, yeah, get the glasses." " Give me cotton balls." " Hello, Inspector." "Let's compare them." "Come on." "Mr. McCain looks paler-- much." " What doyou think?" " He's dead, you idiot." " Oh, my God, it's not going to work." " Oh, yes, it will." " No, no, no." "We shall all go tojail." " It's gonna go like clockwork." "Hello, Neville." "Hello, Inspector." " That's very good!" " Doyou have the will?" " Very good indeed." " It's very short." "Yeah." "The simpler it is, the more watertight." "So we're going to set the zoo up as a trust-- that's for all ofus-- and everything else goes to "my son Vincent McCain, absolutely."" " You mean, we get the zoo?" " Yeah." "Let's get this body up to my office." "Let's go!" " I don't think this is fair." " Fair?" " You get to run the zoo with Willa." " Yes." "Well, I think I love her." " What?" " I love Willa." "No, I love her." "No, I love her." " I love her." " I love Willa!" "Look, I get Willa, you get seven billion dollars." " Right." "Right, okay." " There's the gun." "Here we go." "Come along, come along." "We haven't got much time." " I'm worried about fooling Neville." " Neville's gonna be tough." " Oh, my God!" " Hello, Willa." "Hello, Neville!" "Hello!" "Hello, Neville." "Excuse me, I'm going to go have a pee." "I'll be right there." " Right, boss." " Hi!" "Great to seeyou." "Hello." "Willa Weston." "ChiefSuperintendent Masefield, Sgt. Scott and Sgt. Irving." " Rod will be with you in a moment." " I'll be a moment." "Power!" "Gets 'em every time." "Oh, yeah." "That's better." "Thankyou, my dear." "Hello, Neville." "Hello, Inspector." "I'd like to introduceyou to Inspector Masefield." "G'day." "Good on ya." " Good outfit." " It's an honor to meetyou, Mr. McCain." "Well, goody." "Hello, Neville." " Hello, Rod." " Hello, Nev." " Haveyou spoken to Vince?" " Yes, I have." " Shall we arrest him now, sir?" " No, that won't be necessary." "Vince and I have had a long talk." "Between ourselves, it was quite emotional." "You haven't killed him, haveyou, Rod?" "Nobody's killed anybody!" "Moron!" "No, I mean... that we've had a reconciliation." " Isn't it wonderful?" " A reconciliation?" "That's right, Neville." "Back, Neville." " Soyou're not pressing charges?" " On the contrary, Inspector." "Not at all." "But I would likeyour assistance." "I'vejust made out a new will and I'd likeyou to witness it." " A new will?" " Bend down, Neville." " It would be a privilege, Mr. McCain." " Thankyou." "What doyou mean, a new will?" "As a result ofmy talkwith Vince, I've decided to leave Octopus to him." " What?" " Hold still!" " Leave Octopus to Vince?" " Shut up!" "He's a good boy." "Good boy?" "He's a total wanker, Rod!" "I won't haveyou talk about him like that!" "Rod, he steals from you." "That's only to get the attention I should've given him when he was a child!" "Butyou can't leave Octopus to that asshole!" "That asshole is my son!" "I love him." "Butyou're always saying what a complete wuss he is." "I am not-- going to letyou talk about him in that way." " Areyou all right, mate?" " I'm feeling emotional." "What's that?" " It's where I keep my Kleenex." " He's very depressed, Neville." "Isn't it wonderful to see a man get in touch with his feelings?" " There's something going on here." " Oh, I hope so." "Excuse me, gentlemen." "I need to be alone." "Feeling a bit suicidal." "What?" "This isn't like Rod!" "Hey!" "He's in the shed!" " What?" " He's in the shed!" "Gentlemen, I admit it." "I behaved disgracefully to my son in the past." "I don't know ifI can live with myself." "So, going to the shed." "Mother always said that when you're naughty, you go to the shed." "And I've been naughty." "God, I'm depressed!" "Going to the shed." " It's going well." "Where's the body?" " Over there." "Come on, come on!" "Give it here." "Let's go!" "We gotta go!" "What is going on?" " He and Vince did get very upset." " It was so touching." "Oh, God." "I've undervalued Vince's talent all theseyears." "And his extraordinary charm." "Let's not forget that." "What a dear boy he was, myVince, and still is." "Good-looking young lad." "Christ, he's attractive." " Such style!" " Where is Vince?" " That's a good question." " Vince?" "I neverwent to one ofmy birthday parties, the bastard!" " His!" "His!" " His birthday parties, the bastard!" "I'm the bastard!" "I'm such a bastard I can't stand it anymore!" "I can't face it!" "Oh, the shame!" "I feel terrible!" "I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I've got a pretty shrewd idea... it's not gonna be very nice!" " I'm taking the wuss's way out!" " Is he all right?" "He's probably in one ofhis black moods." "What black moods?" "End ofthe road!" "I can't take it any longer!" "I'm going to finish it now!" "My God!" " Has he got a gun?" " Gun?" "What gun?" "Where's the gun?" "The gun!" "What?" "I'm at the end ofthe road!" "I'm very near the end." "I'm gonna-- I can see the end ofthe road." "I'm makin' up my mind." "It's not an easy" "He's forgiven you." "Be sensible!" "At least it looks like the end ofthe road." "Now I'm thinkin' about it." "I'll make my mind up any moment now." "I loveyou, kid." "Forgive me." "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "One!" "Two!" "Come on!" " Oh, no!" " Don't look!" " Whywereyour men so slow?" " Sorry, we didn't realize" " This isn't Rod McCain." " What?" "I spent 1 5 years working at Octopus, and this isn't Rod McCa" "I was in the garden when I heard a gunshot" " Father!" " I'm afraid he's dead." " No!" " Yes." " What areyou doing?" " He shot himself." "No!" "Why?" "He wasn't in one ofhis black moods, was he?" "Hejust couldn't live with what he'd done toyou." " But I'd forgiven him." " I know." "Oh, Dad!" "Dad!" "Dad!" " Vince." " What?" " There's something you should know." " What?" "He left Octopus toyou." "So he did love me after all!" "You're fired." "Rollo, there's something I need to askyou." "It's about sex." "What?" "Look, I know whatyou like." "When we first called, you had three women in your bed." " What?" " Remember Mitzi and Suzie and Cindy?" "And then when we came toyour room... you had at least four girls in the bathroom." "Theywere all overyou in the cage." "And then the other night in the hotel, you had two girls... as well as the" "Look, Willa" "Look, Rollo, I really likeyou." "But I wasjust wondering ifone woman... could ever be enough... for a man likeyou." "Oh, what the hell." "Let's give it a try." " But I have to warn you, Wanda" " Willa." "I haven't slept with one woman for a very, very long time."