"SON OF A POLICEMAN by Jari Tervo" "Directed by Tapio Piirainen" "Lepsu, dammit." "Prison has good food." "What do you mean?" "You've grown taller." "Don't fuck with me, Kiimalainen." "Battery is dead." "In a manner of speaking." "It's 9.30." "Trampas will be mad." "Lepsu, dammit." "Do you need a ride?" "I'll walk." "I have booze." "I hid from them." "Crazy driver." "There was no driver." "KYR-12 is a damn familiar number plate." "Please check number plate KYR-12." "Why are you asking about your own car?" "What fool stole my number plate?" "How does it feel to chase your own number plate?" "Why was no one there to meet you?" "I wondered about that too." "What's up?" "The police are chasing although I have stolen plates." "Trampas is in the front seat and Kiimalainen is driving." "What a mess for one lousy battery." "You won't make the bend." "Yes, I will." "We shook them." "Take the next right, we'll get to the main road." "Right." "Do you have children, Kiima?" "No children." "I'll walk from here." "Should I put the lock knob down?" " Naturally." "You drove left after all." "The car over-steered." "Can we help?" "Do you have beer?" "Tea, cheese sandwiches and God's word." "Toasted sandwiches?" "Well toasted." "My name is Paula." "Sössökoski." "God will give you a new car." "It wasn't Lepsu's car." "The battery was in the car." "Who cares about it?" "Trampas." "Meatballs?" "Coming." "Sausage gravy?" "Ready." "Mashed potatoes?" "Yes." "You forgot the pickles." "No, I didn't." "Marjaana remembers everything." "Hey, Trampas." "Are you knocked up?" "What does it look like?" "Not very good!" "We must celebrate Trampas' son." "Lepsu will be an uncle." "His favourite uncle." "What do you say, big boy?" "A helluva homecoming!" "Don't start." "You don't drink." "We have no music." "Hum, you two!" "We're out of milk." "And cheese." "Are we?" "We must buy some more." "Yes!" "We have no food." "We have fish soup." "Heat it up." "You can't heat milk-based soup." "You can!" "It'll ruin it!" "Eat it cold." "Cold fish soup?" "Yes." "Prison had warm soup." "Go back, if it was so fun." "Cold soup..." "A grown man whining." "Who is the father?" "I won't say." "Why not?" "I don't want to." "Speak, whore!" "You don't have to support it." "Get out!" "Not your cabin!" "Is it yours?" "No." "You don't know the father." "Keep pondering that." "The child will be pissed off asking to see his father's photo." "What do you mean?" "You need an aerial photo of Rovaniemi city." "Fuck you!" "It is likely that his father is in the photo." "You scumbag!" "It might be a nigger's spawn!" "Luckily, not yours!" "What do you want from the store?" "A sack full of condoms!" "Did you soil the one I gave you two years ago?" "I gave it to Lepsu." "He uses it disguise himself." "Make some sausage gravy!" "I might do that." "Don't pop it out yet." "I'll try not to." "I borrowed some money." "I'll pay you back this afternoon." "Shit, shit, shit!" "Trampas." "I heard you learned to write in prison." "Fuck no, to swim." "I thought it was bullshit." "I know who gave your wife the clap last May." "She had crabs, not the clap!" "Spare a light?" "Breakfast." "English?" "Finnish." "Yes?" "He is." "Warren Beatty." "I got us a driver." "Allu?" "Not a local." "Another drunk?" "It will go like clock-work." "When is the robbery?" "What happened last time?" "No one is listening." "I have always been careful." "I will not do time again for your stupidity." "Get your thumb out of your arse..." "May I cut in line?" "If you're in a hurry." "It's so hot." "Meet me in the motel after the robbery." "I'll wait for you." "Save some bang for later." "Don't worry, I have a six-shooter." "Brilliant bank robbery Gang boss picked up a woman" "You're late." "Dump him." "Yes, yes." "I'm serious." "I will dump him." "Will you come by?" "We should go." "Don't grab your balls." "Do you have a driving licence?" "Can you drive?" "Trampas told me to get a driver with a licence." "You smell of him." "You can have him, if you want." "What for?" "Does the baby kick?" "Booze." "Go to hell with your booze, Sössökoski." "Get out!" "It's me." "Are you hungry?" "I can't eat." "Some bouillon?" "Who was it?" "I won't say." "You don't know." "Maybe I do." "Who, then?" "There's some sausage and potatoes." "They're cold." "I put a lid on." "You have time, you could do it yourself." "What?" "Cook." "But I do cook." "When was the last time?" "Yesterday." "Before that?" "The day before." "An ill person does her best." "Go to a doctor." "They don't know anything." "Don't go to a doctor." "Did you go to the shop?" "Yes." "Did you bring an Eeva magazine?" "You are an Eve already." "Teasing an ill person." "I have to go back to town anyway." "He doesn't like my company." "I'll fix the gutter." "Bring some paint, I'll paint a cross on the wall." "What?" "Plums." "Bring me some plums or liquorice to loosen my bowls." "I'll bring both." "And the gutter?" "I'll need a drill." "I knew it." "And bits for the drill." "Wouldn't it be great to make love to him?" "I don't know." "I do." "Hell no!" "I'll go to the hairdresser's." "Sirkku has a special offer." "A moustache shave for no extra cost." "Check if he took any money." "Shut up!" "Check it." "What do you..." "Shut up!" "Let's see if he attacks two women." "You pissed yourself." "Take a shit outside or we'll lose our appetite" "You won't come to mother's?" "I have other plans." "Take care of yourself." "I will leave him." "Sössökoski called." "Pahvipää has bought a bundle of revenue stamps." "Allegedly stolen, so he got them with a discount." "Turned out to be Romanian stamps." "Pahvipää is an arsehole." "So what?" "Guess what they say in the village?" "That you checked them." "That's bullshit!" "And approved them." "Fuck that!" "Who said that?" "Pahvipää is dead meat!" "Call me a taxi." "I'll go to the shop." "Taxi to the shop?" "You took a taxi to have breakfast." "Why are you going to rob a bank?" "A man needs money!" "I'll come with you." "What the fuck?" "Because I need money." "I will move to Helsinki." "Make sausage gravy!" "Who is that?" "Our driver, Jusse." "Jusse, this is Trampas." "It's a negro." "No, he's from Rwanda." "Are we the only gang in the EU that will escape on a camel?" "He can drive, he has a licence." "Siikavaara said..." "Where is his car?" "How could a refugee have a car?" "Couldn't you get a driver from a bit closer than Africa, shithead?" "You think he'll disappear among the local zulus afterwards?" "The bank job of the century foiled by the wrong driver" "Hey, Black Plague." "Do you speak Finnish?" "Yes, I speak Finnish." "What Black Plague?" "Is he sick?" "If the driver is a negro, the getaway car's a fire engine?" "Jusse is a great driver." "He only wants 5,000." "First you work, then you get the money." "Five thousand." "Where's the getaway car?" "Right." "I was supposed to tell you." "Watch where you're going!" "You cow." "What?" "Watch yourself, you silly cow." "You fucking cow!" "What the fuck?" "You hit a woman, shithead." "Try to hit me." "She hit me." "Yeah, right." "She did." "You fucking cow!" "Watch your mouth, shithead." "She hit me." "My nose is numb, for fuck's sake." "I guess those are tears of joy?" "Look at my bloody nose." "You rubbed it red." "That's not possible." "Piece of shit nose." "Pimpled nose." "That silly cow hit me, for fuck's sake!" "Let's go." "She's in a delicate condition!" "Call the police." "I am the police." "Probably on drugs." "It's too scary to come here." "It's much quieter in the pub." "I'm shopkeeper Vähä-Kähkönen." "What do you need, madam?" "Smoked reindeer and tongue sausage." "Naturally, these are free." "I have a car." "I can drive you, madam." "I must drive slowly." "To prevent accidents." "You can leave me at the old shop." "It's a long way." "A hundred metres." "Why is he honking his horn?" "The light is green." "Yes, for them." "No, for us." "Now it's red." "Our Marjaana!" "Yes." "My sister robbing a bank!" "Yes." "Hell no!" "Hell yes!" "She'll give birth at any time!" "She'll do it at the bank!" "A month from now!" "At any time!" "No, she won't!" "What if she does?" "She won't!" "Why did she agree to it?" "She needs money." "What for?" "World's youngest bank robber A woman gave birth during heist" "When will the baby be born?" "It is time, but the baby seems to like it there." "No wonder, it's comfortable." "Have you decided on the name?" "Lahja, if it's a girl." "And if it's a boy?" "Voitto." "My name is Voitto." "It's a small world." "I want a child too." "A boy." "It's a small world." "No alcohol." "I only drink with meals." "Who is he?" "Lepsu got us a driver from the camel shit rally." "What does he look like?" "A sprinter." "I'll get the getaway car." "There's a broken Ford at the Gasthaus." "A perfect car for a robber." "Indeed!" "Put up a sign:" "Just robbed a bank" "You'll remain here." "Lepsu, get those number plates." "How?" "What do you mean?" "If I have to remain here." "Did you visit Trampas at Marjaana's?" "No, I didn't." "Why does darkie grab his balls?" "That's a long story." "Why is he grabbing his long story?" "He fell on a bicycle crossbar." "He did!" "If it's hurt, we'll cure it by blowing." "I can blow him." "I won't say that." "Will you get the new plates for our car?" "No." "Why not?" "I did it yesterday." "Yesterday?" "Exactly." "Stupid." "It's been reported." "Where are they?" "There's only one." "The gang boss has a bump A power struggle within the mafia" "A car has how many number plates?" "Two, actually." "How many did you steal?" "One, actually." "You're actually full of it." "If we were chased, the police would only see one number plate." "If they see the other one, they would have conflicting emotions." "Did you reason that all by yourself?" "I did." "You sad, little man." "Tuomas!" "That's me." "Have you been drinking?" "A little with food." "Beware of booze, boy." "Have you eaten?" "You must eat!" "Isn't it hard to push that shitty thing in hot weather?" "Don't swear" "What did you eat?" "Kangaroo." "Have you no shame?" "It was on sale." "Join the army." "I've done that once." "You'd become a man." "I did it already." "My son, Tuomas." "Your car was taken." "Where did you get it?" "The kangaroo." "Last week, I gave a ride to a female German tourist." "Her breasts were so pointy that I could see the nipples - through her bra, t-shirt and thick cardigan." "Bullshit." "It's true." "Did you get any?" "I could have." "But you didn't." "She wanted to." "But nothing happened." "She was asking for a stiff one." "But she didn't give you?" "German whore." "You didn't get any." "She probably has AIDS" "Condoms have been invented." "I'd run out." "You should've bought more." "Not the right size." "What size?" "Large." "Large." "Large, but limp." "Sössökoski, get your arse off that sofa!" "Give me a beer." "Take it yourself." "I'll do that." "You want some toast?" "Definitely." "You want it well-toasted?" "Medium." "That's Madonna." "Yeah." "She's a whore." "But fucking rich!" "Whores usually are." "International sluts won't succeed in a backwater country like ours." "Jealous people talking shit." "Quiet!" "The celebrity violinist Linda Lampenius will get a violin up..." "Where?" "Up her vinyl catsuit!" "Pahvipää's key." "What are you taking there?" "Do you want to know?" "When will your child be born?" "I haven't done the maths." "I could make the baby a star-chart!" "Good toast!" "The chart is made from the date of conception." "Give it a rest!" "Let's go." "Where?" "Have you forgotten our summer games?" "No." "Trampas won't give me a gun." "Lepsu." "Close your eyes." "What?" "I'll give you a gun if you swear an oath." "Place two fingers on the book." "Close your eyes." "Repeat after me." "I swear..." "Yes." "You fucking say it!" "I swear..." "Not to shoot needlessly in the bank." "Not to shoot needlessly." "Only if Marjaana tells me to." "Only if..." "Hell no!" "Swear it." "Only if Marjaana tells me to." "Amen." "OK, amen!" "Are you happy now?" "Yes." "It sure takes time to steal a car." "Let's have a practice round." "Does Ollikainen know who likes screwing the best?" "Men or women?" "I don't know." "Put a finger in your ear." "Doesn't the finger feel good?" "Feels really good!" "I'm coming!" "Call an ambulance." "You hurt my father, dammit." "Lepsu, call Trampas!" "Does he have a mobile phone?" "Call the bar." "Is Trampas there?" "He isn't?" "Yeah." "He's at the sports field." "Get him." "He told me to wait here." "Go!" "And you'll do the dishes." "You came here armed with a joke." "I didn't know your father had a sense of humour." "Guys, guys!" "The summer games is a happy event." "I'm so happy, my ears are ringing." "Let's begin." "I'll repeat the rules." "You'll throw and it's measured." "We'll multiply it by the breathalyser reading." "If it's under 1 per mille, it is deemed a foul." "Allu is first." "I'll blow." "No need, it was a foul." "What do you mean?" "The hammer- throw is all about technique." "I used only brute strength." "16.40." "1.4 per mille." "2,296." "More juicing." "Then Tram... bastard." "The tape measure is too short." "0.95 per mille." "It was a foul throw." "Show me." "You know the rules." "Your father's dead." "Do you want to hear a joke about a bank robbery?" "Where have you been?" "Guys needed one more for a card game." "You sacrificed yourself." "Where's Trampas?" "Didn't see him." "Actually, I forgot him." "You remembered to drink." "The gang boss drank heavily but was like a Swiss clock in the bank" "Oh no." "You want to hear a funny story, Kiima?" "It's so fucking..." "So fucking..." "What was it?" "What?" "That funny story." "I forgot." "Kiima!" "Kiimalainen." "You're at the pub." "Yes, I am." "What about the plums?" "I bought them." "They'll go bad in hot weather." "These plums were picked raw." "They're ripening." "And the liquorice?" "I bought it too." "Is it raw too?" "Ripen them too, I'll be sick at home." "Eeva was sold out." "You lie." "It'll be a long night watching television." "Shall I send a health magazine by taxi?" "You're drunk." "I just got here." "I haven't ordered a single drink." "I walked straight to the phone." "The gutter is still not fixed." "Even a ramshackle gutter drains water." "A car stopped by." "They were laughing." "They saw you." "The gutter." "Our house is an attraction." "Behave yourself." "I'll do all that a man and police officer can." "Goddammit!" "Typical Finnish cottage." "Piss-ants outside, arseholes inside." "You're wasted." "Three beers." "Thirty!" "Who's drunk?" "I'm not!" "Lepsu." "Damn, Lepsu, what have you done?" "Damn indeed." "Did you do well in the games?" "At first, I wasn't drunk enough." "My second throw went over the sector and hit Allu." "The third one smelled... was foul." "Who won?" "Sössökoski." "Two drunks and a negro!" "He's from Rwanda." "Yeah!" "Where's the car?" "In Pahvipää's yard." "And the plan?" "What plan?" "How to rob the bank." "Do you have a problem?" "What's up, boss?" "I left a plastic bag here with swimming trunks and sun lotion." "No, you didn't." "I didn't let you in, you looked like you had too much sun lotion - before you came to town." "Buy me new ones!" "Say that a pike ate them when you were wearing them." "You bet I will." "We're robbing a bank, not a nightclub." "Right!" "What's with all the make-up?" "The nightclub isn't open yet." "I'll give birth and remove my make-up." "They'll be looking for someone else." "Bank late?" "Will we put stockings or wigs on our heads?" "Will we shoot the cameras?" "That means a longer sentence." "Bank late." "It's three o'clock." "Camel driver!" "Shut up, woman!" "Let's focus!" "Focus..." "The plan." "Marjaana has half a dozen wigs. - Do I have to use many?" "Four!" "The rest of us use one." "Every time I ask nicely, he's mean to me." "We'll have sunglasses." "I'll give the teller a stick-up note." "I'll shoot the cameras..." "You couldn't hit the Kemijoki river." "Do you see that pine?" "With a yellow spot?" "I don't see the pine at all." "When I shoot, they'll realise we're not dicking for a draft." "The customers will hit the deck, the tellers will fill the bags." "Jusse'll wait in the car with his foot on the accelerator." "Lepsu will show, if you don't know which it is." "When the bags are full, we'll drive to Pahvipää's house." "Marjaana, bring the wigs." "These are clown wigs." "They'll laugh at us." "Well, Sössökoski." "What's going on in that criminal mind of yours?" "Trampas killed Old Ollikainen at the summer games." "With what?" "Ajoke." "Trampas is deadly funny." "Trampas will face the consequences." "You can still quit." "No, I can't." "Yes, you can." "Yes, but I don't want to." "You look good." "Of course I do." "You remind me of..." "Who was it?" "Hard to say." "Well..." "Faye Dunaway." "What will you do with the money?" "I'll buy nappies and rattles." "Whether we succeed or fail." "That's the worst that could happen to us." "I've never been rich." "Lepsu and Jusse are ready." "I'll call us a taxi." "The moron is attaching the plate with Blu-Tack." "What the hell?" "It keeps posters on walls." "Walls don't sway - even if it's raining shit in Japan." "But a car will sway!" "We'll attach it somehow." "What the hell?" "Let's use glue." "Wire!" "Who has wire?" "I'll wrap it around your throat." "You stole sister's car." "Whose sister?" "My sister's car." "I didn't fucking know that." "You don't know anything." "Because of you, our family is in this shit up to our eyebrows." "You should only steal yoghurt from day care centres." "You only have the brains and balls for that." "She left it to be stolen, she left the keys in the ignition!" "Shit, shit, shit!" "You don't rob banks this way?" "Did he steal your sister's car?" "Why?" "Being a career criminal demands more than being a policeman." "You don't even have the guts to drive drunk." "Don't leave me!" "It needs rust protection and new shock absorbers." "I'll try to find that Blu-Tack." "We'll keep the original plates." "The police will think we switched them and they'll be confused." "You're not serious." "Jusse, think of a way to make this catastrophe even worse." "I don't think it's possible." "Attach that plate like there's a fire under your arse." "Stop sun-bathing!" "Look over the car so you can drive it." "In Rovaniemi we follow Finland's traffic laws." "You can drive over a crossing if certain conditions are met." "We gave up the system in which the biggest camel goes first." "There are white stripes here and there on the road." "If humans walk across these stripes - you're not allowed to run them over!" "You'll know these places." "They look like run-over zebras." "I don't want the temperature to rise, even if you're homesick." "An easy car." "Sure!" "There are no humps." "Anybody can drink and drive, but try to rob a bank." "You don't have the guts." "Which bank?" "Lepsu." "Do we have everything with us?" "Trampas, Marjaana, Jusse." "And me." "And our gear?" "Your gun and my..." "Wig." "Everyone's wigs and plastic bags for the money." "Will the number plate hold?" "I'll answer for it with my life." "Let's go." "The Black Mask starts the car." "Have you gone crazy, Kiima?" "Which bank?" "A sperm bank." "What's the sentence for armed robbery?" "What?" "You're not armed." "Right, I'm not." "You're a first- timer, you'll get half." "Half a year isn't much." "Half a sentence, you fucking moron!" "We didn't hit the zebra." "My stomach's burning." "We'll go inside the entrance - put on the wigs and the sunglasses and go inside." "Not you." "Do you remember the bank robbery film we watched?" "No." "It was about two men." "We watched it when you were on leave." "No, we didn't." "Don't you remember?" "In December." "No, we didn't!" "I wasn't on leave." "Four plastic bags." "A rather large withdrawal." "Were you on leave?" "Stop fussing." "I wasn't." "Whore." "Rape me if you can, scumbag." "Shut up." "I will kill you." "Were you on leave?" "First, we'll rob the bank." "Then we'll talk shit." "Let's go for a beer." "I don't understand." "This is a robary" "Collect the damn money!" "Start collecting." "Goddammit." "You'll get a life sentence." "A first-timer gets only half." "Marjaana, Marjaana." "Plead for mercy." "Don't shoot me, I'm a piece of shit." "Beg." "I'm begging you." "Better." "More." "I'm begging you." "Don't shoot me." "That's not enough." "I'm sorry, don't shoot." "If only you had made a baby out of love." "Go away, this place has been robbed already." "Where is Jusse?" "I don't know." "Where are the keys?" "He's having a beer, I think." "Take a look under the rug." "The fool keeps a spare set there." "Someone has shat himself." "It isn't me." "So who is it?" "The gang boss shat himself The police followed fresh tracks" "I'm a policeman, not a bank robber." "You shot Trampas." "Tuomas." "Why?" "It's between me and him." "I'll give birth soon." "Nature has a strange spell..." "Did you know that Finland lives off its forests?" "It is beautiful and unique..." "I'm pursuing the robbers' car." "Do you see the number plate?" "KYR-12." "Are you chasing your own tail again?" "Fuck you, Syyläaho." "Don't swear at me." "Why is a woman's life so fucking hard?" "I'll take a shower." "I hope Pahvipää won't get mad at me for using his towel." "I don't think so." "Get one more." "What colour?" "Just bring one." "Finland lives off its forests and that's a fact." "Son of a policeman."