"The holiday season is here." "And Black Friday is upon us." "Black Friday is the day shoppers go berserk for holiday deals." "26 people died and 461 were seriously injured." "the mall is offering 80% off to the first 20 people in the store." "It'll be a bloodbath! perhaps you took this job to see what the violence was like." "Or perhaps you thought working Black Friday wouldn't be a big deal." "I'm just trying to earn some extra holiday cash." "Or maybe you're too stupid to realize what you've gotten yourselves into." "That's enough!" "Our only chance of surviving this year's sale is by sticking together." "Those of you who signed up are to be commended. do not underestimate the battle that's about to take place outside those doors." "Winter is coming." "sir." "I'm calling together all the Fighters of Zaron." "I need to speak with Lady McCormick." "She's not here." "Please tell her there's to be a meeting in the great hall. and the fair Lady McCormick will want to hear about it." "Thank you all for coming." "Lady McCormick. at Scott Malkinson's house... hot lives." "Winter is coming." "And the next-gen gaming devices are hitting the shelves." "Which nobody can afford. there's a way we can get the new gaming systems?" "then speak." "I've learned of a dark magic at work." "the first 30 people inside the mall get 80% off whatever they want." "They're calling it Black Friday." "Spooky!" "that can't be real." "butthole!" "It is real." "They do it every year." "But everyone tries to be the first inside the mall." "none. we can be the first people inside on Black Friday and use the 80% to get the gaming systems we need to survive." "and we all know what that means." "That's right." "Black Friday is just around the corner." "And people are already gearing up." "We usually start lining up around 3:00 am. because it does help us slip through the crowd when the doors open." "part of the family tradition." "we lost our youngest daughter." "Her head was stepped on and crushed." "we'll find a young girl and step on her head this year. 'cause I'm bringing the motherfucking pain!" "the South Park Mall says they've beefed up security in an effort to reduce the number of fatalities this year. people take Black Friday very seriously." "Very nice." "Good." "my lord." "They don't salute in Game of Thrones." "please." "Very good!" "The House of Greyhawk has agreed to join our fight!" "273)}– The House of Greyhawk?" "– Larry and Brad Stolsky." "But we must still find others who will fight by our side." "Are there no other factions we can call to our aid?" "How about we ask those kids who play Star Trek?" "Screw those guys." "I'm not playing with dorks." "That's what I'm talking about." "Got any extra of that?" "Gets a little boring around here." "Enjoy the boredom while you can." "So you worked here last winter?" "You worked on Black Friday?" "I did." "Is it really as bad as they say it is?" "The shoppers... started showing up at midnight on Thursday." "They didn't line up." "They crammed themselves near the main entrance. waiting to get in." "the sounds that they made." "It was 5:00 am when they opened the doors." "blood... people tearing each other's faces off while holiday music played in the background." "I saw a woman... pick up her daughter and swing her into some old guy's head. clawing." "Then a hand reached in and pulled me out." "Old Cap." "He saved us all that day. shopping bags. winter comes again." "I've started watching Game of Thrones." "I guess. that guy's character is gay?" "What do you mean? it's because that guy's in a love scene with another guy." "Is it because gay wieners are less threatening to women viewers?" "I believe you might be missing the greater point of show." "I know." "and dragons and zombies are on the way." "I'm pretty excited for that." "Just can do with a little less gay wiener is all." "We have word from the kindergartners." "They've agreed to join us." "Those Xbox Ones are as good as ours!" "Wait." "Xbox Ones?" "That's what this is all about." "We're all trying to get Xbox Ones." "I thought we were getting PlayStation 4s." "What?" "Me too." "I was obviously talking about Xboxes." "not a crappy Xbox." "guys." "273)}– We all have to agree on one system." "– That's right. we all can't play together online." "This is all about committing to one machine." "Right." "Let's all get PS4s." "273)}– The Xboxes are gonna be better." "– They're just more expensive." "guys." "And that is final." "That's exactly how Xbox people are." "Fine!" "that's fine!" "just not with you." "It's gonna be like that?" "join with us." "We can't divide like this." "right?" "I like the PS4's controller better." "movies and TV." "The PS4 controller has a touchpad interface." "You never listen." "but you never wanted to listen to me." "You just had your head so set... because that's how Xbox people are." "Then I'll see you on Black Friday." "I will have to try to beat you inside." "I know." "Come on." "Let them wallow in their limited voice control functionality." "Christmas is coming Goose is getting fat" "Please do put a penny in the old man's..." "What the hell are you doing?" "huh?" "look." "I took a temp job at the mall." "I just wanted to make some extra holiday cash." "Bullshit." "I did." "I saw they were hiring extra security." "It's a good way to make money." "aren't you?" "Nobody else has thought of it." "I won't even be out in the crowd." "I'll be on the inside when it opens." "I'll turn around and run right into the stores." "I'll be the first to get whatever I want!" "Isn't Black Friday supposed to be about buying things for other people?" "Winter is coming." "And I'm a sneaky little bee." "Captain." "ensign." "Warp factor 1." "We have an incoming FaceTime request from Eric Cartman." "273)}– On screen." "– What's up?" "We're just about to check out a class-M planet that might have new sources tririllium." "these guys are such dorks!" "– Just find out who they're loyal to." "right? we have to declare it the most technologically fit for Starfleet." "They're so gay!" "Cool." "What if I told you we have a way for you to join us in getting Xbox Ones super cheap?" "Cheap Xbox Ones?" "For reals?" "The Federation will fight with us!" "our army has doubled in size." "Ser Kyle?" "I don't know." "You can't change his mind." "Sony people don't think with logic." "He betrayed us." "We must out-Game-of-Thrones him by making powerful alliances." "Don't even get me started!" "and I'm still waiting for the dragons to kick everyone's butts." "wiener. even after humping a pretty girl!" "Why is that?" "just like a gay wiener." "You're somewhat obsessed with wieners." "I'm obsessed with wiener?" "What about HBO?" "This isn't helping us." "273)}– Sony might not be our biggest problem." "– What do you mean?" "They're introducing a new Elmo doll this Christmas." "What new Elmo doll?" "me?" "it's Stop Touching Me Elmo." "and he'll put his hand on your knee and say fun things." "Have you ever been tickled on the inside?" "I'm lonely." "Are you lonely?" "Can I watch you go potty?" "You wanna kiss the guy who does Elmo's voice?" "Elmo!" "Elmo also helps kids brush their teeth with his toothpaste dispenser." "more!" "Stop Touching Me Elmo." "starting Black Friday." "Randy." "What madness is this?" "sir?" "A new Elmo doll." "just in time for Black Friday." "no!" "You've murdered us! you've killed us all!" "they're already lining up!" "Elmo!" "They can't line up this soon!" "This is crazy!" "I'll deal with these demons. the line starts on that side of the rope." "This rope?" "So that other people can do normal shopping today." "Give me Elmo!" "We come seeking your help. or will you join us on Black Friday and fight for PS4s?" "Are you for real?" "come on!" "Of course we're gonna go with the PS4." "They're blacker!" "Then join us." "We need people to help us be the first 20 inside the mall." "We'll just wait until the PS4s become cheaper and more available." "273)}– You can't do that!" "– You can't do that." "This is about more than Black Friday." "Battle lines are being drawn. that will become the standard." "The PS4 would be like Betamax was to VHS!" "273)}– What's Betamax?" "– Exactly." "What's VHS?" "We're just asking people who want to play on PS4s to fight for their beliefs." "we just don't care enough." "Come on." "There must be kids somewhere who will join us." "I was hoping I could talk to you about Kyle." "my lord?" "I'm not sure if his heart is in the right place." "If he were to ever... it could make Stan's army problematic for us." "But Stan and Kyle are best friends." "but we can't let Kyle come in the way of what's ours." "Lady McCormick." "This is really about you and me getting Xbox Ones." "The others are simply there to help us get inside those doors." "That's right." "You have a strong influence over the rest of the men." "I might need you to use that influence to have Kyle taken care of." "Do we understand each other?" "I believe we do." "you damn kids!" "Get the hell out of my yard!" "Fuck you!" "This is the Garden of Andros." "and I'm sick of kids dressing up and having talks of betrayal in it!" "70-inch television." "That would be good." "But 80% off a computer." "Maybe I'll be able to snag both." "sir." "273)}– I didn't mean to scare you." "– I was just... looking at all these great things I can't afford." "I know why you took this part-time job." "You do?" "I see it in you." "You care about people." "Same reason I do it every year." "You remind me of my son." "He died on Black Friday in '89." "Guess I'm still trying to save him." "I just want to say I really appreciate what you're doing." "I promised my wife this would be the last Black Friday I worked. it makes me hopeful that people will still be OK." "Awesome." "no lining up behind the velvet rope!" "They just don't listen!" "Cartman's army is getting bigger every day. the swim team and the glee club." "Word is that the sixth graders all prefer Xbox too and will team up with Cartman as well." "And who do we have on our side?" "it's the book club and Janice Pinkerton." "273)}– Did you ask the vamp kids?" "– They're still undecided." "We have to get people on the fence to join our side." "PlayStation!" "Ser Stan." "It's probably time to give this up." "We're just a dying breed." "Xbox is going to win this whole thing." "So we're just gonna let other kids decide which system we all play on?" "What would they do on Game of Thrones?" "What would they do when things look their darkest?" "but we thought you should see this." "Winter is coming." "Choose side. a war is escalating. it clearly looks bad for our image." "What's going to be the big item everyone goes for this Black Friday?" "It just might be the PlayStation 4." "Sony has announced they're offering a special Black Friday bundle and allow you to automatically preorder for Metal Gear Solid 5." "No doubt Sony has just raised the stakes." "Federation kids!" "Learning to fight with your hands." "kindergartners!" "I know that Sony's offering a special Black Friday bunduru." "right?" "But why can't Xbox let you preorder Metal Gear Solid 5?" "Preorder doesn't mean shit." "Preordering a game is committing to something that some assholes in California haven't finished working on yet." "What you get for preordering a game?" "A big dick in your mouth." "listen up." "The mall's no longer allowing people to line up for Black Friday until Thanksgiving night." "No way!" "It's OK." "we're handing out wristbands." "my God!" "Wristbands!" "all of you!" "there'll be no wristbands." "Now go!" "Back away!" "you fuck!" "You did good." "The watch is yours now." "You can't die." "Everybody really likes you!" "This is what we signed up for." "my friend?" "I was lying to you." "I took this job... to be at the front of the line on Black Friday." "you know how serious this is." "protect this town." "You are in charge now." "Take this." "Don't let..." "Black Friday be the end." "Get back inside." "We have work to do. we were tired of Xbox people telling us PlayStation sucked." "we're an army of our own! the winner of the console wars will be decided." "Our new leader has joined us to help make sure that system is the PS4." "All hail the Princess!" "The Princess!"