"EVERY BLESSED DAY" "Good morning." "Did you avail yourselves of the opportunity to enjoy our fresh delicacies?" "Are you asking if we took anything from the minibar?" "Yes." "Where did you learn this lovely antiquated German?" "Guido?" "Perhaps from "Liber Evangeliorum" by Otfrid von Weissenburg." "Never mind." "If you didn't make use of the minibar, we wish you a pleasant journey." " Thanks." " You're welcome." "Goodbye!" "I caught you flirting with those blondes!" "Truth be told, I was doing their checkout." ""Truth be told" go get some sleep!" " "Truth be told"!" "Who says that?" " Enjoy your shift, Rossella." " Thanks, good night." " Good night." "Just a moment!" "Open, please?" "Thanks." " Hey, Guido!" " Morning, Marcello." "Bed time?" "Don't forget Sunday the 29th." "Patrizia told your lady already." " Certainly, yes." " Get some sleep." "Thursday, October 2nd, St. Leodegar of Autun." "Bishop and martyr under Theodoric III, who battled Manichean heresy but was tortured, blinded, and killed." "Good morning." " Me first!" " No, together!" "Wait for me." "Wait!" "Give me a kiss." " I think I fucked up." " Why fucked up?" "When?" "Yesterday my cousin called, and dumb-ass that I am, I told her our ... thing," " That we're 'trying'." " Why a dumb-ass?" "Because that moron told my blockhead sister, who told my obtuse mother,who obviously told that 'genius' my father." "Stop it, they can't as bad as you say." "They're monsters who criticize us for not being married." " Then let's get married." " You have no idea." "Marriage for them means a "Godfather" style wedding." " Fucking A!" " Are you nuts?" "!" "When people get married, down there, they need a mortgage to pay for it." " Now they want to visit us!" " Finally I'll meet them!" "Oh, God, no!" "Please!" "Out of the question." "Last time I went, I'd barely .." "got off the train and already arguing with my folks." "I hate that place, I hate those people." "Here, I'll help you." "For fuck's sake, I'm late!" " I'll take the scooter." " No, it's freezing out, and dangerous." "What a drag you are!" "Go to sleep, will you?" "Piss off!" "We're waiting for some staff." "Excuse me." " Antonia." " Present." "I need you make an effort to be here on time, please?" "Put on your "badge"." "Not my fault the bus broke down." "And the 'foulard', Antonia." "Thanks." "I'll put this over here .." ".. for the bus." "Is that turd ever gonna stop busting my balls?" "Antonia take it easy." "Next, please?" "Good morning." "Did you book?" "Name?" " Right on, Marcello!" " Here are the sausages!" "Roccia." "You're still growing." "None for you, or youll crack your wheelchair." "Be good." "Are we opening up the gifts?" "Look at all this!" "Who is this from?" " Us, just a little gift." " How sweet, thanks." "Isn't this great?" "With pictures too, Michelle!" "Let'say thanks to Antonia and Guido." "Thanks!" "Hold on sweetie, open the next gift." "Let's look inside." "What's in here?" "It's from me, grandma Lucia, and aunt Sabrina." "Here I am!" "Aunt Sabrina is here, let's show her the present." "I don't believe it!" "Really?" "This is, like, amazing!" "You shouldn't have!" "It's got her name on it." "Damn you're dense, that's not how you spell it!" "On her birth certificate it says 'Caiozzi, Miscél'." "It's because your son messed up at city hall." " It's with a "ch", you idiot!" " Hell no..." " Show them what it says here!" " Not again, stop!" ""Michele"." "Who's this Michele guy, my cousin?" "It's with "sch", like that Mischelle Hunziker." "I give up, you're so ignorant." " Hungry, guys?" "Want more food?" " No, thanks." " You sure?" " Grab the guitar and sing something." "We hear you singing all the time, you've got a great voice." "Sorry, hope I didn't disturb you..." "No, you've got a great voice!" "Whose songs are they?" "I think I know, that English girl ..." "The one who's always drunk, that poor chick..." "Am I right?" "They're all Antonia's - music and lyrics." "She writes beautiful songs." "Okay, enough... thanks." "She's a great talent, when she sings live - breathtaking!" "You're so sweet." " Hear that?" " No need to hit, I can hear!" "Play us a tune before the soccer game." "Come on, before the game!" "Damn, you're good!" "Wow, never heard a song like that before!" "The song's not done, there's more." " Sing a song we all know." " A Vasco Rossi song!" "Sorry, I don't know any of his." " Play "Grazie Roma"." " It'll get us pumped up for the game." " Maybe next time..." " Don't stop playing!" " Maybe later." " My daughter likes it." "They're on the field, it's starting, go!" "The game's on..." "Guido, come, let me show you a real team!" "Oh, easy!" "Don't drop me." "A friend hacked my cable box, now I get every channel:" "Sky, satellite, Champions League, Fox, and porn too." "Come on over, my door's always open." " What's your favorite team?" " I'm not a die-hard fan." "As a kid I liked Atalanta Bergamo." "But aren't you Tuscan?" "Only because it's named after the Greek goddess of hunting, fairly similar to Artemis, perhaps you've heard..." "I told you guys, Guido's a real character." "He's a trip." "Mom, can you take her?" "I think she needs changing." "Like this, look!" "Look how little Miss Grumpy loves playing with Antonia!" "She doesn't like anyone, not even her father." "She's either running around or clinging to me." "Don't you know it, cutie?" "She's not grumpy, anyway we're friends, right?" "We even sing together." " All combed." " What are you and your man waiting for?" "You been together for a while, no?" " We'll see." " Worried about your job?" "No, imagine!" "Who cares about that shitty job!" "Because your house is too small?" "We also have 2 bedrooms and four of us live comfortably." "What are you waiting for?" "It's not like you die or get arrested for not having a kid." " No, no." " I'll go get a drink." "I think it's eating at her." "Cutie, go play with the other kids." "Go drink some fruit juice..." "(and let me smoke this cigarette)" "Don't excruciate yourself, now." "What does that even mean?" "It comes from "crux, crucis"." "To crucify, or torment oneself." " Maybe I'm defective." " No way!" "If anything, I took after uncle Alfredo, who was "vacuous"." "It's a farmers' expression where I'm from." ""Only three chicks were born, the other eggs were vacuous."" "What did your aunt Jolanda from Poggibonsi say?" ""Guido, my sweet," "I'd gladly do your mending but it's just too 'enmaddening'."" "'Enmaddening' cracks me up." "Hey, are you crying?" ""Spermiogram, Rome"." "No, thanks." "Very kind of you, but no." "You too..." "Now, time to sleep." "Please, go." "Same to you, goodnight." "Hello, I'd like to schedule a spermiogram." "Spermiogram,(semen analysis) Friday at 9:00, all right?" "Caselli, Guido." " Three days of abstinence, okay?" " Fine." " Complete abstinence, understand?" " Got it, 'complete' abstinence!" "Tuesday, November 12th, St. Cunibert of Cologne, tutor to King Dagobert's son and evangelizer of rural Saxony." "I was having a really filthy dream." "Shall I tell you..." "Sorry, but I have tons to do this morning." " Come here!" " I have laundry soaking..." "Go take a shower, it's late." "Caselli, Guido?" "Come." "In here, please." "This is for you." "Relax." "Make yourself comfortable..." "If it helps there are 'publications'." " Where did you learn..." " This lovely antiquated German?" "Come on!" "Sorry, we need to speed this up." "If I may help..." "Yes, please." "We have a line of patients and time is ticking..." " Make it a quickie, got it?" " Yes." "Know what we need to do?" "We need to optimize." " Optimize, optimize." " I'll optimize now." "Will you make it in time?" " Are you ready?" " Yes." "I must remind you that Mrs. Di Mae will arrive soon for an MRI of her plantar fascia." "Does "plantar fascia" excite you?" "Well, um..." "What do you want?" "Go away!" "Are you looking at my tits?" "I see, a mamma's boy who loves big tits!" "Mamma's boy!" "Mamma's boy!" "Optimize, optimize!" "You done?" "We're not here to waste time." "Ready?" "Help me, my love." "Help me." " Sorry I couldn't give more." " Perfectly, fine." "Results in person or by mail?" "I'll come." "I mean in the sense of ..." " Goodbye." " Thanks, you're very... kind." "Thank you." "You have asked to have Costanza baptized?" "Yes, we have." "Costanza, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." "Almighty God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, has freed you from sin, given you a new birth by water and the Holy Spirit, and..." "Shall we go eat, too?" "I heard you need to watch your blood pressure." "Your mom's a snitch." "For just a little blood pressure..." "I have the right enjoy the infirmities of old age !" "Big brother, you're looking slim and trim!" "How are your abs?" "Nonexistent." "I'm no loser like you who does 'fitness' every day like an American." "America's only ﬂaw is that you're not there." "Why don't you come." "You and Antonia." "Sooner or later we will, maybe next summer." "Did you tell him about it?" " Oh, right!" "Our Classics Department is looking for a Latin literature lecturer." "You're perfect for the job." "The leading expert on proto-Christian martyrs." "He tells me this all the time!" "Never mind him." "It was only my PHD thesis." "It's true, Guido's wierd." "He knows everything about it!" "Names of streets, saints, churches, everything!" "Just basic stuff..." "I call him "Guidopedia"." "It would be really great." "It would be great but I rather enjoy what I'm doing now." "There's not much to my job, I have the whole night to relax and read .." ".. and think." "They even play Beethoven on the sound system all night." "Guido never slept much." " Remember, Lorenzo?" " Yes." "He would read all night... with his little flashlight so he wouldn't wake Duccio." "How sweet!" "In fact, Guido... you're right, your job sounds really pleasant." "Good for you." "Here's the chestnut cake." "It'd be nice to eat it with ricotta, but we have none." "I didn't hear." "What's Guido's work?" "He's the night porter in a big hotel." "Nice!" "We'd better hurry." "Guido, I'll put it in the car." " I like Antonia." " I like her too." "Listen, this is from me and dad." "Take it, you could use it." "You never know..." "No need, we have two incomes." "Really." "Ciao, mom." "Have a good trip." "00:24:00,167 -- 00:24:04,249 [LORENZO CASELLI] [THE INTELLIGENCE OF FRUIT TREES]" " How is it?" " Fucking wonderful!" "It explains that plants have personalities like us." "And it provides examples from ancient literature and history." "I haven't yet read the new one." "Your mom gave it to me on the sly, so as not to embarrass your dad." "What a fantastic guy!" "And your mom's crazy too." "I adore your folks." "I know, they usually seem rather nice." " Your sister-in-law seems normal!" " She is normal." "Well, she teaches at auniversity and has two kids!" "And your brother is Obama's special assistant on the economy!" "What's so funny?" "Consultant on financial strategy for the government." " What did I say?" " Same thing." "And he's only 30!" "He's a genius too." "I know, I'm the only dummy in the house." "No, baby." "Come here." "Come." " No, not here." " They're all asleep, no one'll see." "I spoke to your mom about our 'thing'..." "She made an appointment for us with a hotshot gynecologist." " He works with the Pope." " The Pope's gynecologist?" " Must be really good!" " Silly, you know what I meant." "She said he's a bit Catholic, but he's great." " Stop with the hand." " Nobody will see, they're asleep." "If you want, we'll go see him." "Stop!" "Behave!" "We'll go see him, but I don't think you have a problem." " Neither do you, apparently." " Behave, they're watching." " Let's go to the bathroom." " Bathroom?" "No." " Come on!" " No." " Come, let's go." " The bathroom..." "Let's go!" "Professor Savarese, room 24." "Thanks, goodbye." "Holy cow, 150 euros!" "At least they gave us a tax-receipt." "Well I should hope so!" "Almost done..." "You can get dressed." "So, morphologically your wife seems to be just fine." "We're not married, I'm not his wife!" "Fine !" "Thanks, doctor." "Morphologically fine?" "At first glance." "But we'll see more with a nice hysteroscopy." "Then, you need to indulge me by taking a few more tests." "Ma'am... 'pardon', miss... you take these hormones I prescribe here, on the 3rd day of your cycle and the 23rd." " Do I have some sort of problem?" " No, relax." "I think Antonia is perfectly healthy, if anything, the defective one is me." "Look, I had a spermiogram." " You did what?" " Sorry, I didn't tell you." "No problems that I can see !" "Actually everything seems pretty good." "But the report mentions asthenospermia and teratomorphism, these slow, deformed spermatozoids..." "All your values are normal." "They might not be olympic sprinters, but they 'will' fertilize the oocytes." "Take it from me!" "More importantly, how long since you stopped using protection?" "Never used any." "No ?" "Never." "Not even our first time, when we'd just met." "It's six years." "Think about it, love." "Six years." "How is she?" "Better now, right?" " Are you okay?" " Yes." "My baby." "One tube is a bit closed, the left one." "The right one is open." "Maybe a bit blocked, but open." "If our good lady here were to get pregnant on me, she'd be an elderly primigravida." " What would I be?" " It's a technical term." "My dear lady, your condition, nowadays, is quite common." "That of having the first child at an advanced age." " Advanced, my foot." "I'm 33!" " Relax." "Do you know that Alexander the Great, 10 years younger than you, had already conquered India?" "But let's not bandage our heads before cracking our skulls." "There's still hope." " Even if..." " Even if what, professor?" "if during the luteal phase we have a slight progesterone issue." "which would also explain the short cycle." " I'm sterile." "I knew it, fuck!" " He didn't say that." "No?" "!" "He said I have an obstructed tube," "I'm elderly, and I have defective progesterone too." "Ma'am, you can't imagine how many cases I've seen, far more complicated than yours, who eventually invited me to their baptisms!" "We need a little patience." "Excuse me, I don't understand much but seeing I have all these issues, wouldn't it make sense to try..." " That thing, what's it called?" " What thing?" " Don't say it..." " Artificial insemination!" "I believe it's legal in Italy." "There she goes making diagnoses and even finding cures!" "Calm down..." "Don't be spellbound by false modern myths of test-tube babies." "I would do a nice treatment with Progesten 500." "One each night before bed, starting on the first day of ovulation." " Me?" " Surely not 'me', ma'am!" "As for you, Caselli..." "Caselli..." ""O Casella,"" ""I make this voyage to return another time,"I said, 'here where I've come." " Nooo!" "But why did it cost you so much time to get here?" ""To which he answered: 'No wrong is done me "" " What is that?" " Purgatory, second canto." "My grandpa says we're descendants of the Casellis of Val d'Orcia." "See!" "I knew it!" "Caselli, you take a vial of Arginina daily .." ".. for a couple of months." "Great!" "All right, I shall see you in a week." " Thanks, doctor." " With the PCT." "Keep to the schedule." "So we can see that these lazy, deformed spermatozoids get back to work!" " Goodbye, professor." " My good lady!" " What an asshole, I hate him." " Let's go." "Good lady, my eye!" "150 euros to tell me I'm too old !" "Go fuck yourself .." "and Alexander the Great!" "Rossellina I need room 319." "Not feeling well, Guido?" "Need to lie down?" "I won't be long." "Anyway, at this time..." " Antonia and I need to do a PCT." " A what?" " A medical, scientific thing." " Not dangerous, is it?" "." "Don't get me into trouble!" "No, just send Olga to tidy the room later." "Thanks." "You're welcome." "Guido picked up a chick ?" "!" "I don't believe it!" "No, it's his girlfriend." "They're doing a PCT." "What's that, some Communist union thing?" "No "tests the interaction between sperm and cervical mucus." " Seems they need to screw." " How about you and me?" " Get to work, idiot." " You might enjoy it." "Hurry." "This is so cool!" "No !" "Sky cable!" " Any porn?" " You gotta pay extra." "Don't touch anything." " Minibar!" " No, watch it!" "Oh, what a drag!" "At least some chips!" " Hey!" " Get down!" "Don't I get a Rum and coke, a coupe of Moét  Chandon..." "A coupe of Moét  Chandon !" "We don't have much time." "Quickly." "Let me take off your panties." "All right." "Kiss me." "Touch me... help me out!" "Thanks, Rossellina." "Ciao, Marco." "Impressive, Guido !" "12 minutes, including the elevator." " Ciao." "Thanks." " We have to take the scooter?" "I'll drive, you ride Amazon style." " You can't drive, we'll die for sure." " Relax." "Hurry, Dr. Savarese is waiting." "How should I sit?" "Amazon style." "Side saddle!" " Come on." " Amazon?" "Amazons were a ancient tribe of warrior women." "You would've liked them." "Etymologically related to the word..." ""Larded death roast"!" "Progestic !" "Gotta go pee-pee." "Why "death" roast?" "Because as the great Pellegrino Artusi explains:" ""being cooked in a casserole, it assumes a dark colour reminiscent of mourning"." " Franco called me." " Who?" "The guy from Live Music." "Now he runs some sort of disco-pub." "His cover band bailed, and he asked me to sing." " You said yes, right?" " I said I'd think it over and call him." "You're nuts!" "When is it'?" "Wednesday." "But I'm not sure what type of venue." "It'll be amazing, I'll come." "I'll take a day off, we never go on vacation anyway." "Call him back now, don't be silly." "The roast!" "It needs to brown in the oven with potatoes." "What was it?" ".." "We found it last night." "Trinacria Style, Contestaccio." "Here it is, look." "That's Jimmy?" " Handsome guy." " A total nutcase." " Is that London?" " No, near Jimmy's house." "San Lorenzo (Rome)" " You were good." " We were irresponsible." "We'd blow off shows because we'd forget .." "or we didn't feel like it." "Always drunk and .." ".. too stupid!" "But damn, we had laughs!" " Look, 'Global Riot'!" " That dog?" "A mutt we picked up off the street." " Called 'Global Riot'?" " Jimmy named him." "Funny guy, this Jimmy." "I guess, but he'ld hit me when he was drunk." " Hit you, how so?" " Real, serious, beatings!" "But I can't blame him, I was a real slut." "If a guy was nice to me, I'd give it up on the spot." "He'd get pissed off!" "Once in London, he dislocated my shoulder." "So painful!" "I went to the ER," "I told the police I fell down the stairs." "Don't 'excruciate' yourself!" "Come here." "Why don't you ever tell me about the girls you had before me?" "Because before I met you, I jerked off a lot." "Give me a break!" "Not true!" "I jerked off dreaming one day I'd meet a girl like you." "Again?" "That asshole doctor Savarese said We need to keep at it." "If you're too tired, it's OK." "Let's get this out of here." "I'm gonna wreck you!" "Excuse me, the lady's singing." "Excuse me, could you do this a little quieter." "Do you think this acceptable behavior?" " The lady is singing." " Who the hell are you?" "Who I am is completely irrelevant." "If you don't like the songs, you're not obliged to listen to them." "You can speak amongst yourselves, in approriate tones and a moderate volume." "Listen up, douchebag, get lost!" " Work with us here..." " Keep your hands off of me!" "Have some consideration!" "Cool it, stop it!" "You gotta get out!" "Get the hell out!" "You know him?" "This idiot your friend?" "For fuck's sake!" "You're a real jackass, I wouldn't have believe it." "I know, I was wrong." "I didn't mean to hurt him." "He hit his head !" "Could've ended up in the hospital!" "Right, only Jimmy can send people to the hospital." "Fuck you!" "Right..." " For fuck's sake." " I don't know why I reacted." "I'm sorry I embarrassed you." "630 euros for this lousy result!" "What a drag!" "Does the light bother you?" "Patrizia's pregnant again." "Our neighbor?" "She might not keep it, she's afraid to tell Marcello." "Why?" "He doesn't want another kid." "He didn't even want Giada and Michelle." "We'll take 'em all three of 'em." "I want our own kid." " Do you?" " 'Course, I would." "That's not the same, you're a stickler for words, you should know better." "You "want", I "would like"." "But let's look at it this way:" "I want everything that you want, so I want it too." "Are you crying?" "Why?" "I can feel myself expiring." "Like yogurt?" "Why are you with me?" " You should leave me." " What are you saying, silly!" "I don't even know why I want a kid so much." "Maybe to show my horrible family I can do something right." "Come here." "Come here." "Stop or you'll make me cry too." "Alright, let's both cry." "Nishprapanchaya shantaya." "Breath of the Land, mystery of fertility." " I think that's us." " Keep walking!" "There's an aromatherapy course to cure insomnia, I'm signing up." "Quit being a turd and move!" " Look, it's 1.2 kilometers." " Move it, idiot !" "1.2 kilometers." "Let's go do Nishprapanchaya shantaya." "Let's go." "Do you feel cold from the snow?" "Beneath the snow, grass grows... from Earth's warmth." "Thus you must feel warmth from your inner energy." "Let's close our eyes." "Whirl!" "Whirl like a snowflake falling to the ground." "Whirl!" "My friend Rosalba, from Milan, sent us here, she did a workshop last summer." " Yes, Rosalba." " She and her partner loved it." " Bon appétit." "They practiced, sensitivty listening, through asana, apparently it works miracles." "Did things then work out for your friends?" " Did they end up pregnant?" " No, but .." "Rosalba no longer suffers from food intolerance." "She couldn't eat asparagus or strawberries before." " And in terms of energy..." " Nice..." " Do you take Meropur?" " Of course, and Puregon too." "My levels are up pretty high now." "I was at 1.23 a month ago, now it's gone up..." "See you Saturday?" "Great... 40 more numbers and we're up." "Excuse me, is this your first time?" "We're veterans of IVF, it's our 3rd time." "We're planning a gathering for next Saturday, we'll hang out, talk, share information, experiences..." "If you're interested, we have a Facebook page." "My husband created it." ""IWannaBaby", all one word." "If you visit our page, please "like" us." "We have over 1,200 friends." " Fingers crossed!" " Break a stork's drumstick!" " Good morning..." " Not interested, thanks." "In conclusion, let's lay it out plainly:" "Artificial reproduction is an obstacle course." "If Antonia reacts well to the hormones and the oocytes are fertilized, we have a 30-35% probability." "Not now, I'll call you back." "I'm with patients." "Questions?" " You seem a bit perplexed." " In fact, I don't understand." "Especially that stuff about pick-up and transit." "OK, "pick-up" is the retrieval of follicles to see if there are oocytes." "And "transfer", not transit, my love, is when they place them in you after being fertilized by spermatozoids," " and have become embryos." " It's all here in these pictures." " No, that freaks me out!" " It seems worse than it is." "Even if I don't understand, I trust you." "You're nice." "Thanks, likewise." "If you agree, on your next cycle, we'll start the treatment." "Puregon injection, morning and evening." "Good evening." "May we kindly have a 'matrimonial' room?" "Have you reserved?" "No." "If you don't have one we'll go elsewhere." "No need to." "Just give me your IDs and I'll fix you up." "Thanks." " Guido, are you?" " Yes." "Chamomile for Mrs. Rosetta and caffe macchiato for Mr. Domenico." "You shouldn't have gone to this trouble." "I called Antonia but her phone's off, she'll hear my message tomorrow." "Anyway, I doubt she'd want to see us." "She doesn't take our calls anymore." "She never gave us her address." "Her mother's worried sick over it." "Tell him." "We thought she was pregnant and was having problems." "Not pregnant, no problems." "Antonia is perfectly fine, she works, writes her songs." " Always talks about you, and Balestrate" " Really?" "I can't figure why she won't see any of us." "Her cousin Stefania, they were inseparable, her sister Carmela, her brothers, Valentino and Salvo, all her nieces and nephews..." "She's never seen them." "This... this is Susanna, Flavio, Vincenzo, and Maria Claudia." "And that's our supermarket." "Antonia's brothers work there." "Wow, what a lovely family !" "This is her?" "She was always sulking." "Is she cheerful and nice with you?" " Of course." " With us, she never even smiles." " What did we do to her'?" " We must've done something wrong." " Yes, we loved her too much." " Eeh, come on..." " Go ahead." " How lovely!" "If you need anything, you can reach me by dialing nine." "I'll wake you up tomorrow at 7:00 AM." " Are you sure this is a good idea?" " Yes, it'll be great." " Good night." " Good night, Guido." "Good night." "Friday, January 28th, St. Miliano of Trevi." "Martyr under Diocletian who killed him while tied to an olive tree." "Real cheerful." "You didn't hear my messages?" "Why?" "Is it time for another injection?" " Who's here?" " Stay calm." "They come in peace and with the best intentions." "Who?" "Jesus Christ!" "Mommy's darling!" "Come here, Domenico." "My sweetheart!" "My joy!" " You like your car dealership job?" " Car rental." "Yes." "Do you get benefits, in case you need maternity leave?" " Mom, knock it off with the plates." " I finished." " We have a dishwasher." " Sorry." "I didn't want to be a bother." "Almond cookie?" "They're delicious." "What's the deal with this house?" "Do you have a mortgage?" "No, we're illegally squatting." "We're squatters." "She's kidding, we rent, we have a rental contract..." "But why?" "You should buy a place, we'll help you!" "When her sister had her first kid we bought her a brand new apartment." " Classy..." " Classy, with two bathrooms." "Enough mom, for fuck's sake!" "Quit cleaning and sit down!" " Sorry..." " Sit down." "Don't treat your mom like that!" "She keeps cleaning up to remind me that I'm messy." "I just wanted to help." "No need to remind me, I know my home isn't spotless like yours." "We work, I can't go crazy cleaning!" "Leave her alone, she didn't say anything." "Please, don't!" " And are you done interrogating me?" "I'm innocent, Your Honor." "You always lash out at us, at me and her, we specifically came to Rome to help you, worried about your children's future." "What children?" "You came here to bust my damn balls!" "Is that how you talk?" "I woke up this morning and found two pains in the ass here." "Now I have to traverse the city to go to work, and I'm late!" "I even have a headache, hope you're not here when I return." "And you, Guido, well done!" "Great fucking idea, thanks!" "Fuck you!" " You upset her." " Me?" "What about you?" "Why couldn't you sit still instead of cleaning everything?" "Now what?" "I can take you around to see the Colosseum, St. Peter's..." "Yeah, sure, to the Pope for a blessing..." "I'm sorry, she's a bit worn out lately." "But I'm certain she loves you, things will get better soon." "Thanks, you're a real darling." "Bye." "Have a good trip, call me anytime." "Thanks." "Here we are..." "My Juulia says to me this morning "Mamma, what's a 'spread'?"" "5 years old, can you believe it?" "Got it!" "Needle please." "Aspirate..." "Here it is, it's beautiful!" "Fabrizio, Efisio, and Guido, the pick-up went well, your women were very good, now it's up to you." "Hurry, do your duty." "We need to make culture right away." "We have only one room, no bickering." "On the 3rd ﬂoor." "Guido, we found seven oocytes." "We'll pick the nicest ones, we're in your hands now, get to it!" "I'm off." "Please be patient, your pick-ups will be next." "Be strong, have faith, it'll all go well." " Excuse me!" " No running in the hospital!" " Last room on the right." " Thanks." "You can't do this!" "First here, seminal fluid sample." "Second!" "I'll use the bathroom." "Come on, damn you!" "Do me a favor this time, come on!" " Are you done?" " Coming..." " Nurse, this man is..." " Coming, coming." " Be patient, sir." " I'm done." "Go on." "Not in the bathroom, it's a matter of principles." "Are you all right?" "I'm swell, what did you give me?" " Some good stuff." " Damn good." "Your man is having problems, he's still in there." " Go, faster!" " You'll get me fired." " Where is he?" " Here." " I paid for this service too." " Hold on..." "You okay?" " Baby, it's me." "Excuse me..." " Are you nuts?" " No fair!" " This isn't The Amazing Race." "Sweet Mary!" "Hurry, quick!" "I'm sorry, really." "Quick!" "Sorry, I used to be first-rate." " I apologize." " I got here first." "Go to sleep, will you?" "Go to sleep." "What's that, doctor?" "All three inseminated?" "Holy shit!" "The implant, yes." "The transfer, right?" "Of course." "Perfect." "Of course, I'll rest, I'll stay home." "Thanks doctor, I love you!" "Sir, do you have a second?" "Call you right back." ""Sir", really?" "Have you come to ask for a raise?" "I wanted to tell you that as of Monday I'll need some time off." "May I ask for what reason?" " Personal reasons." " Personal reasons?" "Have a seat, please." "So as of Monday?" " What did he say?" " He went along." "I'll be off till next month." "Fantastic!" "A toast!" "After the transfer, no more beers." "You don't need to tell me." " Imagine if all three are born!" " Oh please." "Triplets are common with artificial insemination." "We'd have to pick three names." "We're not naming them after family like back home." " Elpidius, Agatho, Geminus for a boy Olivia, Pelagia, Cunegunda for a girl." "All names of proto-Christian saints and martyrs." "Are you stupid ?" "Just kidding." "But we'd have to buy an automobile." "A station wagon, used, naturally." " You can't drive." " I'll learn." "We need it to cart around three strollers, and your instruments when you go sing." "Once I'm a mom, I won't sing." "I picture you breasfeeding them in your dressing room before the concert." "Two for you, one for me with a bottle, in rotation..." " Enough with this bullshit!" " Why bullshit?" "Triplets, a station wagon, concerts..." "If you talk like this it means you're not serious." " More serious than I am ?" "!" " You're playing like a kid." "Knock it off!" " Sorry." " No, I'm sorry." "The, reckless fool is me." "You need to be the stable one, or we're in for trouble." "All right." "I don't know if I'm able to be a mom." " Sure you are." " You're more maternal than I am." "Then you be the father, it's all same to me." "Eat up, it'll get cold." "Bon appetit." " Shit!" " What?" "It's spicy but..." " Tony!" "Divine apparition!" " Ciao, Jimmy." " Eating some Indian food?" " Yes, apparently." " Tell me what's new!" " What can I say?" " He's Guido." " Nice to meet you." "Sorry, Gigio, this is a historic encounter." " How long has it been?" " Dunno !" "Must be six, seven years." "A buttload of time!" " May I?" "Make yourself at home." " Thanks." "Chicken tikka masala." "The tandoori chicken here is tops." "So, Tony?" "So, Jimmy?" "I heard you were spotted at the station wearing a uniform..." " Hostess?" " No, car rental clerk." "Car rental?" "What's gotten into you?" "Saving up for retirement?" "Regular job, saving up, next thing you know you'll have a family." "All that's missing is you popping out a kid." "Gianni, you have no idea who we're dealing with." " I do..." " Tony rocks!" "Like Cat Power, PJ Harvey." " Right, I couldn't agree more." " I like you, Gino." "We should play together again." "We had that beautiful disco project, "Trinacria Style"." "Right, maybe... one day..." "Jimmy!" "Hurry the fuck up!" " Sorry, the "girls" are calling." " Right." "Damn, it was a real pleasure." "Ciao, Princess Tony." " Ciao, Gino." " Goodbye." "Great pleasure." " Who's she?" " She wanted to record with me." " What a character." " I lost my appetite." " Come on, "Princess Tony"!" " I'll kill you." "I swear!" "I can't take it." " Just pee, do it." " I said no." "Shut up!" " So, how are we doing?" " She won't pee." "Typical." "You can take a good piss, without any guilt, you know." "No, what if it loosens an embryo ?" "Knock it off!" "Come on, we need the room." "No, five more minutes, let them settle in well." "Doctor, tell us what to do, instructions and stuff, that I like." "Alright there are two schools of thought." "The Italian - rest, no smoking, no exertion, and above all, no sex." "What a drag!" "My German colleagues would say to hell with it." "Just don't enter weightlifting competitions" "The more at ease the better." "Take your pick." "Just get out of here!" "Come on!" "Can you keep it down?" " Thanks, sorry." " You're welcome." "Bundle up, it's windy." " Careful, there's a pothole." " I see it." "Children, where are you?" "Sweet Mary, you're so lovely!" "Pity I can't come down there and touch you." "It's still too soon." "Be on your best behavior because poor mommy is tired and worried." "Tomorrow she'll have her beta HCG levels tested to find out if she can finally meet you." "She really wants you." "So do I, in my own way, even if I don't know you." "I have to say bye for now..." "If you need anything, you can reach me by dialing nine." "Kisses from daddy." "Hold on, let me say goodbye to these three treasures." " We didn't take the opportunity..." " To enjoy your fresh delicacies." " Wha..?" "Are you nuts?" " Why?" " It's heavy, leave it." "Sit down." " I'm bored to death!" " Weren't you writing a song?" " It sucks." " Can I take the test?" " Go ahead... where is it?" "Forget it, what if it's wrong?" "I'll get real tests on Monday." "I'll make you something to eat, some rice..." "I'll kill you, do you hear me?" "Patrizia told me they were having problems." " What's that?" " He's hitting her, do something." "Marcello, Patrizia, please, behave yourself..." "You need to shout!" "Marcello, Patrizia, please, take it easy!" "What do you want?" "Take it easy, no need to shout like that." "Are you for real?" "Don't you dare hit her!" "Mind your own fucking business, will you?" " Get inside." " Lemme alone!" "These two nosey turds..." " Dickhead!" " Don't rile him up." "I know he'll calm down, just stay out of it." " I'll kill them!" " Miscél, get inside." " Those two turds can mind .." " Everything is okay." ".. their own fucking business!" " Dickhead, asshole!" " Calm down." " I couldn't wait." " When do we see the result?" "I forced them to hand it over, but I haven't opened it yet." "No!" "Wait, wait, wait!" "Let's go for a walk." "Go ahead." "We should fix up the backyard." "You're right." "We always say we will, but we never do." "And take a nice trip." "Maybe to Sicily, but we won't visit my parents." "The beach's beautiful there but they built railway tracks all along the coast." "Fucking dickheads, they always ruin the best things." "Or we can go to the mountains, I've never been." "I'll take you to Mount Cimone, I'll show you Lago della Ninfa, it's surrounded by a beech forest, it's incredibly beautiful." "Great, I can smoke 100 cigarettes today!" "She's not answering, where is she?" " Have you heard from Antonia?" " No, what happened?" "I left her with Miscél while I got an ultrasound, but they're not home." " Come in." " No, Giada needs to sleep now." "They're probably out for a walk." "I've been calling her for hours, her damn phone is off!" "And that asshole Marcello left me yesterday!" "I bet something bad happened." " Relax, I'll try to call her." " Sweetie, please stop crying." " I'll give her a call." " Walk me home, will you?" "Sorry we're back so late but we were having a blast." "We went to the beach, had a pizza and some ice cream..." "You are crazy!" "Crazy!" "Wait, I bought her a gift bag." "There are no words!" "No words!" "Honey, we called you all day." "Antonia!" "Wait!" " Sorry I'm late." " An hour and a half!" " Sorry, I had a problem." " Register the guests yourself." "Of course, I'm so sorry." "Feeling better?" "I didn't sleep at home." "Aren't you going to ask what I did, where I was?" "Where were you?" "I slept with a guy." " Not goinna ask who?" " Not goinna ask." " See?" "You're a coward." " Why are you saying that?" "Who do you think you are, Mr. High and Mighty?" "I was with Franco." " Franco?" " The guy from the club." "By the way, he disgusts me." "Sorry for you." "Go on, hit me!" "What kind of man are you?" "You don't hit the woman who cheated on you!" " Please..." " I cheated on you." " Fuck you!" " Antonia..." "Fuck you, I'm a sterile, aging slut living with a asshole with limp sperms." " You sicken me, my life sickens me." " No!" "Yes, it sickens me!" "Oh my God." "Don't look for me." "It's my fault this is over." "Excuse me, pardon me, I'm looking for Antonia." " There's no Antonia here." " She worked here for three years." " Please ..." " She's been here for three years." "Are you Guido?" " Please respect the line, sir." " Come here." "Welcome to Rome !" "..." " Antonia didn't tell you?" " Tell me what?" "She hasn't worked here two or three months." " What?" " She fought with the boss." "When she requested time off, he asked her some questions and instead of answering, she blew up at him and spit at him." "She spit at him?" "And he fired her?" "No, he gave her a raise..." "She really didn't tell you?" "How odd!" "She said she could talk to you about anyting." "Is there another Guido'?" "I'm talking about Guido the night porter, who reads a lot..." " That would be me." " Antonia's told me lots about you." " She said you're amazing." " Really?" "She said that?" "She said you gave up your career to be with her, you were offered a job at an American university..." "I didn't give up..." "In fact, she said you never made an issue of it." " You don't know how much that girl loves you!" " Really?" "She said you're an angel who saved her life." "Without you, who knows how she'd end up." "And you make love every day, lucky you!" "I never heard anyone speak so highly of her man." "I keep hoping one day I'll find a man like Guido too, silly huh?" "Are you crying?" "I told you some wonderful things." "So sweet!" " Bye, sorry, thanks." " Where are you going?" "Excuse me..." " Excuse me?" " What?" "I need to talk to you urgently." " Urgently about what?" " I'm looking for Antonia." " Who's Antonia?" " The singer." "You know her." "Don't do this, please." "Gimme a break, I'm busy, all right?" "Listen, Antonia told me... she was with you last night." "Let's get things straight, she asked if she could stay over and she left this morning without thanking me." "So if you'd leave now, we're busy." " Where is she now?" " Hands off!" "Who knows where that nutcase is." " I just asked a question..." " Guys!" "I'm going, I'll go on my own." "I'm calm, I'm calm." "Excuse me, I don't understand why all this rudeness?" "Guys, careful he's dangerous." "I'm asking for help, just tell me where Antonia is." "He's dangerous!" "Out!" "I remember this jerk, he hit a kid last time." "Easy!" "Stay the fuck away from here." "You guys are crazy, this is no way to treat a person." "Where do you think you are in a bad film, a mini-series?" " Get lost." " I'm going." "But let me say, you should be ashamed of yourselves, this is no way to treat..." " You asked for it, now get lost." " Yeah, go!" "Enough of your violence, hear me?" " Crazy..." " Shame on you." "Go back to your neighborhood." "Enough with this violence." " 'Scuse, need a tissue?" " Thanks." "Open the door, please." "Open!" "Did you see a girl with a guitar?" "She was sitting here." "A girl... she got off the bus." "Did you see her?" " You OK, Guido?" " Yes." "What happened, what's all that blood?" " Nothing." " Were you run over?" "Look what those turds did to you!" "Does your tooth hurt, is it loose?" "My head is spinning a bit, but I got what I deserved." "What are you saying?" "Go lie down." "Miscel, your eyes are closing." "She falls asleep to cartoons." "Antonia was right to leave me." "I'm slow, I'm a coward, I'm ball-bustingly boring." "What are you saying!" "Marcello, there's a coward!" "He dumped me with this belly." "He said he doesn't want a family anymore." "He said we're blocking his potential." "How about that!" "He's back home at his mom's, the moron!" "He quit his driving job to audition for some reality show, like Big Brother." "They go around to clubs to compete at picking up chicks." "You know it?" "I have to hope he wins so at least he'll send us some money!" "Sorry." "Sorry." "Are you asleep Michelle?" "She's knocked out." "I think I'll rest a bit too." "What a day it's been, thanks to this watermelon I'm carrying." "Does this bother you, want me to move?" "You're no bother, thanks for asking." "To tell you the truth, I don't understand Antonia." "I mean you're such a sweetheart." "Try finding a guy like you !" "Thanks." "Even if I found a guy like you, he'd never want someone like me..." " You think?" " No, that's not true." "I guess anything can happen in life, you never can say." "Sure..." " I think I went overboard." " No, it's just I'm in pain." "Sorry, we'd better cool it." "Yes, it's probably best." "Do you mind... if we cuddle like this?" "Nice and close'?" "No, I don't mind." "Anyway for me sex isn't that important." "It's just at times I feel so... desolate." " Can you say that about a person?" " Sure, in a wider sense." "I feel desolate, really desolate." "Like the famous "Wasteland"." "Even the name Landa, or Yolanda..." "Must be a Dutch name I think." "I swear, it's a horrible thing to feel like a desolate land." "Terrible, Guido!" "Really horrible, I'm telling you." "Morning." "Who's there?" "Where the fuck are you going, Global Riot?" "Where are you going?" "Come here." "Did you ring?" "Come on, Riot." "I'll feed you." "There's no more dog biscuits, what'll I give you?" "Nothing." "Just water." "May I ?" "Here, drink." " What have you done?" " Nothing." "I looked for you everywhere." "Did the buzzer ring or was I dreaming?" "Sorry I woke you up." "What time is it?" "2:25 PM." " Do we know each other?" " In theory." "But we haven't bonded." " OK." "Got a cigarette?" " No, I don't smoke." "Here, this is the last one." "Would you kindly go buy some later?" "Aah, lovely!" "Where the fuck is my red shirt?" "Don't tell me you put it in the washing machine." "Tell him there's never been a washing machine here." "Some coffee would be perfect now, if we had some." "We could've offered some to our guest." "How are you?" "What a question ?" "You don't love me anymore?" " What happened?" " Nothing." "I was looking for my boots from London and I slipped." "Damn, what a fall!" "Do you want to be with him?" "Are you happier here?" "That has nothing to do with it." "I don't want to ruin your life." "You deserve someone better." "I don't want anyone else." "I fucking found them!" "Know where they were?" "In the snare drum case!" "I was thinking I'd shave a bit." "Maybe trim my hair too." "Like Dean Moriarty of the Fucking Fishes." "What do you think?" "Enough, now." "Get dressed, let's go home." "Alright." "We have an appointment with that promoter... maybe we'll get some summer gigs." "My suitcase." "This song is a group from Calabria, cool aren't they?" "It's hybrid reggae mixed with Salentina folk music." "Even if I'm not a big fan of Salentina folk... anyway." "Stay." "Good boy." "Sit." "All in all, the group's good." "Hey, are you leaving?" "Yes, Antonia would rather come home." " Ah, fine." " Ciao." "Fuck!" "Antonia, honey, wait!" "Darling... do you mind kindly paying back the 20 euros I lent you yesterday?" "Lent ?" "'You' to me?" "!" "I'm out of minutes on my cellular too..." "Giorgio, could you, by any chance, spare something?" "Gladly." " I'll pay you back, of course." " When you can." "Here's 50." "You rule, Giulio, I like you!" "There's 'feeling'." " Likewise." " Excellent." "Rock on!" " Give me a bag." " No need to, thanks." "Riot, what are you doing?" "Go home!" "Go inside!" "Riot, go home!" "No !" "Look !" "Jesus !" "Riot, what are you up to?" " What have you made me do?" " It wasn't easy for me either." "My hands were sweating, my voice trembled, did you notice?" "The worst has yet to come." " Are you ready?" " Very ready." "stay by my side all the time because I can't make it." "All the time." "Give me your hand." "Let's go." "Wow!" "Excuse me'?" "Yes?" "Am I mistaken or is this the 3rd or 4th time you've come to hear me?" " The 5th, truth be told." " The 5th time?" "Hope it's not a bother because I was planning on coming tomorrow too." "As one says, it was a pleasure, see you tomorrow." "Wait!" "Where rare you going?" " Do you really like my songs?" " Undoubtedly, very much." " Aren't they depressing?" " No, they're beautiful." " Thanks." " Thank you." "You are..." "no, no point in telling you." "Tell me, what am I?" "Well, you are unequivocally talented." "Plus, your lyrics are somewhat reminiscent of Deborah Ager, of Catherine Anderson." "Who?" "Actually, they're just words that come to mind..." "Impressive, they're extraordinarily intense words." "Really?" "Maybe they just sound better in English," "I'm embarassed to write Italian because I speak it badly." "When you sing you have a beauty that... how can I put it?" "That disorients me." "And even when you don't sing." "I'm sure you're aware of it, no need to expatiate on the obvious." "Tonight we're together." "OK?" "Who?" " Tonight, we're together." " Tonight, we're together, tonight." "Is that an observation of the fact that it's night and we're both here, or would this be a proposal for the hours to come?" "On my part there are no grave objections, however..." " I didn't understand if you're into it?" " And how!" "I'd say it even exceeds my rosiest expectations." " So... a yes?" " Yes." "Indubitably, without any doubt, let's go then." " Where are we going?" " To your place, can we?" "Now I'm staying with this guy..." "Yes, follow me." "You said a 'guy'?" "A drummer, but we're sorta half broken up." " Half broken up?" " I think he'd be happy if I didn't come back." "Yeah?" "Okay..." "It's certainly not sporting, but I can't say I'm sorry to hear it." "The way you talk kills me, sounds like you're from an old book." "Yeah?" "I'll take it as a compliment." "You haven't told me your name." "I'm Antonia, and you?" "Me?" "Guido." "Guido is nice!" "Like a guy who guides." "Or it could remind you of the Blessed Guido Pomposiano, who can be considered the patron saint of musicians." "EVERY BLESSED DAY"