"Here's some for 37 cents." " Here's some for 32." "31." " That's it." "Don't they have any generics?" " I think this is the generic." "I never heard of that brand." "Maybe we should get this." "You're paying for advertising." " Tuna." "We should get tuna." " Please, no more tuna." " It's got protein." "We need protein." " Beans are protein." " Beans make you fart." " We got a convertible." "I'm gettin' it for myself." "One burrito and one large Slush." " 21 dollars and 67 cents." " Can you fill this up?" "21.67" "Jesus." "Look, I forgot to pay for this." "You could have gotten caught." "What if somebody saw?" "You know what the minimum age for execution is in Alabama?" " About sixteen?" " Ten." " There's a cop behind us." " A cop?" " There's nothing to worry about, all right?" " There might be." "Just relax." "Please." " Is he still there?" " Yeah." " Goddamn it." " Calm down, all right?" "There's a cop behind us, that's all." "There's no problem." " What?" " His light's on." "Fuck." "Fuck." "Goddamn it." " What are we gonna do?" " It's probably nothing." "It might be a taillight." " We don't have any money for bail." " Bail?" "Nothing's happened." " Nothing?" "You stole something, didn't you?" " Shut up." "All right?" "All right." "Here he comes." " Show me your hands." " Jesus." "Show me your hands." "Get 'em up." "Get 'em up." "Up." "Now put your hands on top of your head and get outta the car." " Outta the car." " Go." "Yeah, I'm sure of it." "It's number three and five." "Ridiculous." "All this over a can of tuna." "Keep quiet." "Yeah." "You sure about that?" "Yeah." "He's standing right here." "All right." "Bye." "I think we may get a confession." " I just heard someone shot Jimmy Willis." " He's dead." "Oh, my God." "Who would do such a thing?" " Hello, Bill." "I'm Sheriff Farley." " Hi." " Do you know why you're here?" " Yeah, I do." "I'm sorry." "It was a stupid thing to do." " Have you been made aware of your rights?" " Yes." " You're willing to waive that right?" " I'll cooperate fully." "I'll sign a statement, or whatever makes this whole thing easier." "Good." "Good." "That's good." "But I want you to know, Stan, he had nothing to do with it." "Did he help you plan it?" "No." "I mean..." "I mean, it wasn't planned out." "You know, it just happened." "Did Stan try to stop you at any time?" "No." "I mean, he was..." " Is that a big deal?" " Aidin' and abetting'." " Aiding and abetting?" "Is that a major thing?" " Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "An accessory?" "Are you guys kidding'?" "An accessory?" "I didn't help." "I didn't plan it." "You didn't try to stop it." "I didn't know it was happening." "I found out later in the car." "Why didn't you get out, call the police then?" "He's my friend." "Well." "Your friend has put you in a lot of trouble." "What's gonna happen to Bill?" "Nothing." "Unless he's convicted." "If he is, we're gonna run enough electricity through him to light up Birmingham." "We were friends at NYU, and we both applied and we got scholarships to UCLA." "So we figured the scenery would be nicer going through the South." " What about the tuna fish?" " I forgot about the tuna fish." "And then we left." "Did he catch you with the tuna fish?" "Is that how it started?" " No, he didn't say anything." " But he knew about it." "I don't know." "Let's talk about that for a moment." "You paid for the groceries." " And then what?" " We went out to the car, and that's it." "When'd you shoot him?" " What?" " At what point did you shoot the clerk?" " I shot the clerk?" " Yes." "When did you shoot him?" " I shot the clerk?" " We need ya out here." "I'm in the middle of a damn confession here." "Whoa." "Wait a minute." " What's the matter?" " Do you know what this is all about?" " Yeah, they're fucking with us." " You don't believe them?" " They don't execute for shoplifting." " You think we're booked for shoplifting?" "No." "You're being booked for shoplifting." "I'm booked for accessory to shoplifting." "No, Stan." "I'm being booked for murder and you're being booked for accessory to murder." "It's time to make your phone calls." " Goddamn it." " Could you contact your parents?" "How?" "Call the Chilean consulate?" "What can they do?" "Send a guide into the mountains looking for them?" "We need to call an attorney." "A great attorney." "Do you know any great attorneys?" "No." "I'm calling my mother." "Hello, Ma." "We're in Wazoo." "It's in Beechum County, Alabama, Ma." "Not too good, Ma." "We... we've been arrested." "Ma." "Ma, please." "Ma, please." "First of all, we didn't do it, all right?" "Murder." "Ma." "Ma, ple..." "Ma, it's a mistake." "We must look like the guys who did it." " Tell her what we think is happening..." " Shut up." "We think they're trying to set us up as patsies." "You know how corrupt it is here." "The Klan's here, they're inbred, they sleep with their sisters." " Some of them do." " All right, Ma, listen." "We gotta get an attorney, and it's gonna cost a lot of money." " How much would an attorney cost?" " A decent one?" "$50,000. $100,000." "50,000. 100,000..." "I know, Ma." "I know." " Can we use any attorney?" " I think so." "He says he thinks so." "He is?" "Well, that's a great idea." "You think he'll do it?" " We got an attorney in the family." " Who?" "My cousin Vinny." "What is that?" "Where's he from?" " What?" " You stick out like a sore thumb around here." " Me?" "What about you?" " I fit in better than you." " At least I'm wearin' cowboy boots." " Oh, yeah." "You blend." "I bet the Chinese food here is terrible." " I don't see anything." " The wheels went out of balance" " right after we hit that mud." " No, that's not it." "I think you should put it on a rack and take a look." "What's wrong?" " What?" " What's the problem?" "The car was shimmying on the highway." " You got mud in your tyres." " I got mud in my tyres?" "Let me ask you, how do you get mud into the tyres?" "That's a figure of speech." "The mud gets around the inside of the wheel." " Throws the balance off." " Did you ever hear that?" "Mud in the tyres?" "No." "She never heard it." "She knows everything about cars." "See, down here, everybody gets stuck in the mud every now and then." " Yeah." "We're famous for our mud." " Famous for your mud?" "How's your Chinese food?" "You keep on askin' about that." "Can't you tell they don't have Chinese restaurants?" "Gotta let everybody know you're a tourist." "Come on." "And you're a fuckin' world traveller?" "Our jail was condemned this morning." "That's why we bringin' you all out to the state corrections facility." "Unlock the gate." "Go on through." " Do you know what happens in these places?" " Yeah, I know what happens." "There's often a big guy named Bubba no one will tangle with." "He'll protect you - if you become his sex slave and do whatever he wants." "There's only the two of us here." "What about those cots?" "What if they put somebody else in here?" "Stan." " Shut up." " OK." "I can't believe my luck." "Here." "We got somebody for you." "You must be Stan." "How you doin'?" "Why'd they bring you in here?" "I just got in." "I asked for the new guys and they brought me here." "He's sleepin', huh?" "Cute little guy." "You know, maybe I'll just start with you." "Let him sleep a little bit." " Look, I don't wanna do this." " I don't blame you." "If I was in your situation, I'd wanna get through this whole thing as quickly and with as little pain as possible." "So let's try our best to make it a simple in-and-out procedure." "What's the matter?" "Relax, relax." "Relax." "Maybe we should spend a couple of minutes together." "You know, to get acquainted before we, you know, before we get to it." " What's wrong with you?" " I don't wanna do this." "I understand, but what are your alternatives?" "My alternatives?" "To what?" "To you?" "I dunno." "Suicide." "Death." "Look, it's either me or them." "You're gettin' fucked, one way or the other." "Lighten up, OK?" "Don't worry, I'm gonna help you." "Gee, thanks." "Excuse me, but I think a modicum of gratitude would not be outta line here." " You think I should be grateful?" " Yeah." "I mean it's your ass, not mine." "I think you should be grateful." "I think you should be down on your fuckin' knees." "I didn't know your visit was such an honour." "I'm doin' a favour." "You're gettin' me for nothin', you little fuck." "Boy, that's one hell of an ego you've got." "What the fuck is your problem?" " I did not come here just to get jerked off." " No." "No, no." "I'm not jerking you off." "I'm not doing anything." "You're on your own." "I'm just takin' care of Sleeping Beauty." " Billy." " Back off." " Vinny." "Hey, Vinny." " Vinny?" " Vinny Bag o' Donuts." "How are you?" " This is Vinny?" "I don't know where to start." "Have you had any murder cases before?" " None." "This'll be my first." " Your first?" "Yeah." "What kind of cases have you had?" "Assault and battery?" "Armed robbery?" "No." "Well, I expect he's done burglary, grand theft auto, drugs." "No." "Nothin' like that either." "What kind... what kind of law do you practise?" "Well, up till now, personal injury." "Well, you're a trial attorney, right?" "I mean, personal injury trials." "Well, actually, this'll be my first foray into the trial process." "I haven't had to go to court yet." "Knock on wood." "You haven't had to go to court yet." " How long you been practising?" " Almost six weeks." "But..." "You graduated six years ago." "What have you been doin'?" "Studyin', for the bar." "Six years?" " That's a lot of studying." " Well, to be honest with you, I..." "I didn't pass my first time out." " That's OK." "You passed the second time?" " I'm afraid not." " Three times a charm?" " Not for me it isn't." "No." "For me, six times was a charm." "Six times." " A little informal, aren't we?" " I was resting..." " Not wearing a coat or tie." " Sorry." "Well, approving an attorney from out of state is a pretty informal matter." " I just have a few questions." " OK." "Fire away, Judge." " Where'd you go to law school?" " Brooklyn Academy of Law." "Is that an accredited law school?" "Yes." " How long you been practising?" " About six..." "Almost sixteen years." " Any murder cases?" " Quite a few." "Yes." " What was the outcome?" " You know." "Win some, lose some." "This is not the forum to be cavalier." "Of course." "Now, let me see." "Most recently, I had a axe murder, which I won, on the grounds of temporary insanity." " Wanna hear the facts of the case?" " No." " What else?" " Let me see." "What else?" "You ever heard of the Son of Sam?" "The fella who received orders to kill from a dog?" " That one." " You defended him?" "Well, no, not exactly." "I defended the first guy they arrested." "And he was found innocent and set free and they caught the real guy." "Well." "We don't have any serial killers in Beechum County." "What we do have is as sophisticated a justice system as they do in the rest of the country." " I'm sure." " You being from New York an' all might have the impression that law is practised with a degree of informality here." " It isn't." " Right." "I tell you this because I want you to know that when it comes to procedure," "I'm not a patient man." "Sir, when you come into my courtroom, you ought to know the letter of the law." " I'll react harshly when you don't." " You should." "Being from New York won't get you special treatment." "It shouldn't." "You won't." "You'll be given no leeway whatsoever." "I expect you to know this information when you come into my courtroom." "Right." " You willing to accept those terms?" " Right." "No problem." "Just this?" "This is gonna be great." "Vinny's first case." "So?" "What can I do to help?" " Nothin'?" " No." "What the fuck is that?" "Wanna sit at the counter?" "Hey." "How ya doin'?" "Listen, what's the story with this incredibly, remarkably loud whistle at 5.30 in the morning?" "It's the steam whistle." "Over at the sawmill." "Tell folks it's time to get up." "You can hear it for miles." " Y'all want somethin'?" " Yeah." " Breakfast?" " You think?" "Good choice." "Two." "Excuse me." "You guys down here hear about the ongoing cholesterol problem in the country?" " What's this over here?" " You never heard of grits?" "Sure." "Sure, I heard of grits." "I just actually never seen a grit before." " Honey, you gonna try it?" " You first." " What is a grit, anyways?" " It's made out of corn." " Them hominy grits." " Hominy." " How d'you cook it?" " Simmer it in water for 15 or 20 minutes, put it on the plate and add butter." "So?" "You gonna eat it or not?" "Here?" " Is your attorney here?" " I am the attorney." "Jim Trotter the Third." "District attorney of Beechum County." "Vincent La Guardia Gambini." "First." "Brooklyn." "Nice to see you." "Yeah." " Vinny." " Hey." "All rise for His Honour Judge Chamberlain Haller." "The court of Beechum County is now in session." "Be seated." "First case." "The people of the State of Alabama versus William Robert Gambini and Stanley Marcus Rothenstein," " "Steen." She called me "Stine"." " Just..." "Counsellor, your clients are charged with first-degree murder." "How do they plead?" " Your Honour, my clients..." " Don't talk to me sitting in that chair." " But he told me to sit here." " When you address this court, you will rise and speak to me in a clear, intelligible voice." " Sorry." "My clients..." " What are you wearin'?" "Huh?" " What are you wearin'?" " I'm wearin' clothes." "I don't get the question." "When you come into my court looking like you do, you not only insult me, but you insult the integrity of this court." "I apologise, sir, but this is how I dress." "Next time you come into my courtroom, you will look lawyer-ly." "I mean, you comb your hair and wear a suit and tie." "And that suit better be made outta some kind of cloth." " You understand me?" " Yes." "Fine, Judge." "Fine." "Good." "You may continue." "How do your clients plead?" "My clients are caught completely by surprise." "They thought they were getting arrested for shoplifting a can of tuna." "What are you telling me?" "That they plead not guilty?" " No." "I'm just trying to explain." " I don't wanna hear explanations." "The State of Alabama has its procedure." "And that procedure, at this point in time, is to have an arraignment." "Are we clear on this?" "Yes." "But there seems to be a great deal of confusion here." " Mr Gambini." " You see, my clients..." "All the way?" "All I ask from you is a very simple answer to a very simple question." "There are only two ways to answer." ""guilty" or "not guilty"." "But my clients didn't do anything." "Once again, the communication process has broken down." "It appears to me that you want to skip the arraignment process, go directly to trial, skip that, and get a dismissal." "Well, I'm not about to revamp the entire judicial process just because you find yourself in the unique position of defending clients who say they didn't do it." "Now, the next words out of your mouth are either gonna be "guilty" or "not guilty"." "I don't wanna hear commentary, argument or opinion." "If I hear anything other than "guilty" or "not guilty", you'll be in contempt." "I don't even wanna hear you clear your throat." "I hope I've been clear." "Now, how do your clients plead?" "I think I get the point." "No." "I don't think you do." "You're now in contempt of court." " Will you go for two counts of contempt?" " Not guilty." "Thank you." "Bail will be set at $200,000." "Preliminary hearing will be set for 9.30am tomorrow morning." "Bailiff, please take Mr Gambini into custody." "His bail will be set at $200." "Come with me, please." "All rise as the judge leaves." "You have to bail me out." "You know that, right?" "Let's go." "They're gonna nuke this guy Norton this weekend." "Looks like it." "You got one huge responsibility, taking on this murder case." "You screw up and those boys get fried." "I know." " So you think you know what you're doin'?" " Yeah, I think I know what I'm doin'." "You didn't look like you knew what you were doin' today in that courtroom." "Why is that?" "Well, it's a lot of procedure, that's all." "I'll learn it as I go." " Learn as you go?" " Yeah, yeah." " Didn't they teach that in law school?" " No, they didn't." "They teach you contracts, precedence, interpretations." "Then the firm that hires you, they teach you procedures." " Or you can go to court and watch." " So why don't you go to court and watch?" "Because, between your father's garage and working nights, when was I supposed to go?" "I thought this summer I would take off a couple of months." "But it ain't no big deal." " Are you sure?" " Yes, I'm sure." "How can you be so sure when you don't know what it is you're supposed to know?" "It's a procedure." "Like rebuilding a carburettor has a procedure." "You know how the first thing you do is you take the carburettor off the manifold?" "Suppose you skip the first step, and as you're replacing one of the jets, you drop the jet." "It goes down, rolls along the manifold and into the head." "You're fucked." "You've learned the hard way that you gotta remove the carburettor first." "That's what happened to me today." "I learned the hard way." "Actually, it was a good learning experience for me." "All right." "Well, is there any way I could help out in this procedure situation?" "Yeah." "Keep bailing me out." "We can't afford to keep bailing you out." "I've cashed in half the traveller's cheques." "I didn't wanna cash 'em in, but I didn't wanna bounce a cheque." "I tried hustling the money, but I got stiffed, so I cashed..." "Whoa, whoa." "What do you mean, you got stiffed?" "Did you say you got stiffed?" "Hey." "Vincent La Guardia Gambini." " His name's JT." " JT." "I believe you and Lisa played a game of pool for $200, which she won." "I'm here to collect." " How about if I just kick your ass?" " A counteroffer?" "That's what we lawyers" " I'm a lawyer - we lawyers call that a "counteroffer"." "Let me see." "This is a tough decision." "Get my ass kicked or collect $200?" "What do you think?" "I could use a good ass kicking, I'll be very honest with you." "Nah, I think I'll just go with the 200." "Over my dead body." "You like to renegotiate as you go along, huh?" "OK, then." "Here's my counteroffer." "Do I have to kill you?" "What if I was just to kick the everlovin' shit outta you?" " In your dreams." " No, no, no." "In reality." "If I was to kick the shit outta you, do I get the money?" " If you kicked the shit outta me?" " Yeah." "Yeah, then you get the money." " What happened?" "Rear-ended?" " No, I fell." "OK." "Let's see if we agree on the terms." "The choice now is I get my ass kicked or, option B, I kick your ass and collect the 200." "I'm going with option B. Kicking your ass and collecting $200." " Are we gonna fight now?" " Yeah." "First, let me see the money." " I have the money." " All right." "Let me see it." "Show it to me." " I can get it." " You can get it?" "All right." "Get it." "And then we'll fight." "You fell in your place or somebody else's?" " My place." " Shit." "He blew the arraignment." "It's a simple procedure." "You heard the judge." "All he had to do was say "guilty" or "not guilty"." "So?" "What are you saying?" "What am I saying?" "You saw what happened in there." "You wanna stay with him after that?" "Shit, Stan." "I don't wanna fire him." "He's family." "And my mother, the way her health is right now..." "I appreciate that." "But should you die for that?" "Wouldn't your mother be more upset if you die?" "The thing is, given the chance, I think he could do a good job." " No, you're wrong." " Come on, fellas, knock it off." "Let's go." "Stan, listen." "You have to see the Gambinis in action." "These people, they love to argue." "I mean, they live to argue." "My parents argue, too - that doesn't make them lawyers." "Stan, I've seen your parents argue." "Trust me, they're amateurs." "Is that a drip I hear?" "Yeah." "Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom?" "So?" " Did you use the faucet?" " Yeah." " Then why didn't you turn it off?" " I did turn it off." "Well, if you turned it off, why am I listening to it?" "Did it occur to you it could be turned off and drip at the same time?" "No." "If you turned it off, it wouldn't drip." " Maybe it's broken." " Is that what you're saying?" "It's broken?" "Yeah, that's it." "It's broken." " You sure?" " I'm positive." " Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough?" " I twisted it just right." "How could you be so sure?" "If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10 to 16 foot-pounds of torque." "I routinely twist to maximum-allowable torquage." "How could you be sure you used 16 foot-pounds of torque?" "Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 laboratory edition" "Signature Series torque wrench." "The kind used by Caltech high-energy physicists and NASA engineers." "Well, in that case, how could you be sure that's accurate?" "Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal department of weights and measures to be dead-on balls accurate." "Here's a certificate of validation." "Dead-on balls accurate?" "It's an industry term." "I guess the fucking thing is broken." "We gotta move." "Then I heard two loud bangs, like firecrackers." "I looked up and saw two young men run out from the Sac-o-Suds and jump into a green car with a white convertible top, and drive off like the dickens." "Miss Riley, are those two young men present in the courtroom?" " Yes, sir." "They are." " Could you point 'em out for me, please?" "They sitting' right there." "Now, Mrs Riley, is this the car?" " Yes, sir." "It is." " Thank you, ma'am." "Let the records show Mrs Constance Riley identified the defendants' car." "I was makin' my breakfast." "I saw them two boys go into the store." "Then later I heard a gunshot." "Looked out the window." "They were running out." "Got into the car and drove off." "Is this the car?" "Yes." "It is." "Thank you, sir." "Then you saw those two boys run out o' the Sac-o-Suds, jump in this car and take off?" "Yeah." "They peeled away." "Car was all over the road." "Thank you, sir." "I asked him if he did it, and he said "l shot the clerk."" "I asked him again, and again he said "l shot the clerk."" "Your Honour, no further questions." " Mr Gambini." " Yes." " Do you have anything to add?" " Thing?" "What thing?" "Not for me to say." "No, sir." "You can stand down." " Do you have any other witnesses?" " No, Your Honour." "The court finds sufficient evidence exists for this matter to go to trial." "I'm setting this matter for trial this Monday, February 2, 10am." "Mr Gambini." "Stand up." "Now, didn't I tell you next time you appear in my courtroom that you dress appropriately?" "You were serious about that?" " Why didn't you ask them any questions?" " Questions?" "Ask who questions?" "You knew you could ask questions." "Didn't you, Vin?" "If you'd put up a fight, you could have gotten the case thrown out." "Hey, Stan." "You're in Ala-fuckin'-bama." "You come from New York." "You killed a good old boy." "There is no way this is not going to trial." "What the fuck is goin' on here, Vinny?" "You fuckin' up this case or what?" "I told you." "It's just procedure." "I'm bound to fuck up a little." "A little?" "You got thrown in jail." "Twice." "I know I was in jail." "I don't need you to point it out to me, OK?" "You're my fiancee." "You're supposed to stand by your man." "You know, encourage me a little bit." "A little encouragement." "Is that what you want?" "I'm sorry." "You were wonderful in there." "The way you handled that judge..." "You're a smooth talker." "You are." "All right, knock it off." "Knock it off." "Do you think I like fuckin' up?" "Is that it?" "You raggin' on me is not gonna give me any great spontaneous knowledge." " Yeah?" " So shut it." " You done reading'?" " Yeah." "Do you wanna go to bed?" "I don't know." "I don't feel good." "You shouldn't feel good." "You haven't slept much in three days." "That's part of it." "You know what it is?" "I'm..." "I'm really scared." "You should be." "How the fuck did I get into this shit?" ""Sure." "No problem." "I could win the case."" "I already got myself sent to jail twice." "I could win this thing, though." "I know I could." "If I could keep my ass awake and outta jail long enough, betcha I could, huh?" "You know what I think?" "Honestly?" "I think that once you're out there and you're doin' your thing," "I think you're gonna be really great." "Really great." "If you don't fuck up." "If this was a conspiracy, they'd have to get all those people to lie." "Do you think that's what's happening?" "Look, I think we should meet with the public defender." "See what he's like." "If he's honest, then we should go with him." "All right." " That's death row in there." " It is?" "The chair ain't working like it used to." "The guy we fried last week - took us three attempts and his head caught fire." "See, there's no money in the budget to get it looked at." "I say it'd be cheaper to get it fixed than keeping running up them extra electric bills." "Hi, Stanley." "My name is John Gibbons and I'm an attorney in the public defender's office." " Hi, John." " Hey." "Now, the evidence against you is pretty strong, so why don't you just tell me your side of the story?" " Hey, Vin." " Hey, Billy." "How are ya?" " How do you feel?" "OK?" " All right." " Where's Stan?" " Stan, he's not comin'." "He's..." "Well, he wants to go with the public defender." "Listen, Vin..." "I'm going with the public defender, too." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, I just didn't know what little experience you have with this." " What, are you scared?" " Yeah, I'm scared." "Maybe I could have handled the preliminary a little better." "But what's most important is winning the case." "I could do it." "I really could." "Let me tell you how, OK?" "The DA's gotta build a case." "Building a case is like building a house." "Each piece of evidence is a building block." "He wants to make a brick bunker of a building." "He wants to use serious, solid-looking bricks, like these, right?" " Right." " Let me show you something." "He's gonna show you the bricks." "He'll show you they got straight sides." "He'll show you how they got the right shape." "He'll show them to you in a very special way so that they appear to have everything a brick should have." "But there's one thing he's not gonna show you." "When you look at the bricks at the right angle, they're as thin as this playing card." "His whole case is an illusion, a magic trick." "It has to be an illusion, cos you're innocent." "Nobody, I mean nobody, pulls the wool over the eyes of a Gambini." "Especially this one." "Give me the chance." "One chance." "Let me question the first witness." "If, after that point, you don't think that I'm the best man for the job, fire me then and there." "I'll leave quietly." "No grudges." "All I ask is for that one chance." "I think you should give it to me." "You should give it to him?" "What was he before he was a lawyer?" "A fuckin' comedian?" "If he doesn't ask the right questions, your lawyer will." "No, he can still fuck things up." "Cross-examination is about knowing what to say and what not to say." "Let's say he asks all the possible questions, and the witness has all the answers." "He ends up proving the prosecution's case." "How did he ever talk you into it?" "At my cousin Ruthie's wedding, the groom's brother was that guy Ali Kazam." " You know who I'm talkin' about?" " The magician with the ponytail?" "Right." "He did his act, and every time he made something disappear, Vinny jumped on him." "He nailed him." "It was like "It's in his pocket" or "He's palming it."" "Or "There's a mirror under the table."" "He was like "Wait." "It's joined in the middle and there's a spring around it."" ""lt pops it open when it's inside the tube."" "It was like Ali Kazam's worst nightmare." "But he was just being Vinny." "He was just being the quintessential Gambini." "There goes the quintessential Norton." "Lookee here, JT." "Hey, hey, little Yankee boy." "Look here what I got." " What is it?" " $200." "Bring it here." "Let me see it." "How do I know that's not a bunch of ones with a 20 wrapped around it?" " It's 200 bucks." " Fan it out." "Show it to me." "Yeah, right." "Does that freight train come through at 5am every morning?" "No, sir." "It's very unusual." "OK." "I was making a lot of money, winning most of my cases." "Thank you, Shirley." "But my clients were guilty as hell." "Finally, after getting this fella off some serious charges for the fourth time," "I tell you the truth, my conscience got to me." "I'd be serving justice more by putting the guilty in jail." "That's what I've been doing and I'm a happier man for it." " How about you?" " Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket." "In court, I got the cop on the stand and argued with him until he admitted he was wrong." "And the judge, this Judge Malloy, all the while, he's laughing and smiling, and then, afterwards, he asked me to go to lunch with him." "Then he says to me "You know what?" "You'd be a good litigator."" "I don't know what the hell he was talking about." "I don't know what a litigator is." "I never thought of becoming a lawyer." "But Judge Malloy was from Brooklyn, too." "I mean, he did it." "So all of a sudden it seemed possible." "So I went to law school." "Then from time to time, he would come by, see how I was doin', if I needed anything." "He was a nice man." "I mean, to go out of his way like that for me, you know?" "He wanted his son to follow in his footsteps, but he became a musician or something." "I remember when I graduated, he was so proud of me." "That's quite a story." "Yeah." " We got some case ahead of us here, huh?" " Oh, yeah." " How do you feel about it?" " Well, I..." "I'd like to have a murder weapon." "But, other than that, I feel pretty good." " You do?" " Oh, yeah." "What you doin' this afternoon?" " You're goin' hunting?" " That's right." "Why are you goin' hunting?" "Shouldn't you be preparing for court?" "I was thinkin' last night "lf only I knew what he knows." You know?" "If he'd let me look at his files." "Oh, boy." "I don't get it." "What does getting to Trotter's files have to do with hunting?" "Well, you know." "Two guys out in the woods, guns, on the hunt." "It's a bonding thing, you know." "Show him I'm one of the boys." "He won't let me see his files, but maybe he'll relax enough to drop his guard so that I can finesse a little information out of him." " What am I gonna wear?" " What are you gonna hunt?" "I don't know." "He's got a lot of stuffed heads in his office." "Heads?" "What kind of heads?" "I don't know." "He's got a boar, a bear, a couple of deer." "Whoa." "You're gonna shoot a deer?" "I don't know." "I suppose." "I mean, I'm a man's man." "I could go deer hunting." "A sweet, innocent, harmless, leaf-eating, doe-eyed little deer." "Hey, Lisa." "I'm not gonna go out there just to wimp out, you know?" "I mean, the guy'll lose respect for me." "Would you rather have that?" "What about these pants I got on?" "You think they're OK?" "Imagine you're a deer." "You're prancing along." "You get thirsty." "You spot a little brook." "You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water." "Bam." "A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head." "Your brains are layin' on the ground in little bloody pieces." "Would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?" "I'd sure like to get a look at your files." " You would?" " Sure." "You got a Xerox machine over there?" "No." "That's OK." "I'll have my secretary do it." "Shirley, can you Xerox all the files on the Gambini/Rothenstein case for Mr Gambini?" "Yeah." "Thanks, sweetheart." " What's all that?" " Trotter's files." "All of 'em." " You stole his files?" " I didn't steal his files." "Listen to this." "I'm just ready to finesse him." "I'm starting to finesse him." "I got him goin'." "He offers to have his secretary copy everything for me." " That's very impressive finessing." " That's not all." "He's letting us use his hunting cabin when he gets back." "It's in the woods." "It's quiet." "He sleeps like a baby when he's there." "Terrific." "You're a helluva bonder." "What's this?" "Are you reading this book?" " Yeah." " Do me a favour, OK?" "Don't read this book." "OK?" "Thank you very much." "All right." "Don't you wanna know why Trotter gave you his files?" "I told you why already." "He has to by law." "You're entitled." "It's called disclosure, you dickhead." "He has to show you everything, otherwise it could be a mistrial." "He has to give you a list of all his witnesses." "You can talk to all his witnesses." "He's not allowed any surprises." "They didn't teach you that in law school either?" "Now let me ask you this." "How many levels of thickness have you gone through?" " What'd you have for breakfast?" " Well..." "What's that brown stuff?" "Yesterday you told me that freight train hardly ever comes through here at 5am." "I know." "She's supposed to come through at ten after four." "Can you participate in this - in which the final decision may be death by electrocution?" "Ma'am?" "I think it should be left up to the victims' families, rather than the courts." "The defendants in this case are charged with robbing a convenience store." "And then, in a most cowardly fashion, shooting the clerk in the back." "Now, if sufficient evidence is offered to prove these facts, you think you could..." "Fry 'em." "She'll do." "Mr Gambini." "Come in." "Come in." "I just got a fax from the New York State Office of Judicial Records." "They have no records of any Vincent Gambini ever trying any case in the entire state of New York." "You're not gonna find any records of Vincent La Guardia Gambini practising in any courts." " I just told you that." " You don't understand." "See, 20 years ago, I became a actor." "There was this prominent stage actor in New York." "His name was Vincent Gambini." " Maybe you heard of him." " No." "Never heard of him?" "Doesn't matter." "Anyway, I had to change my name, which I did legally." "So now I practise law under my legally changed stage name." " What name is that?" " Jerry Ga..." "Jerry Gallo." "You can still call me Gambini." "Sorry." " What name did you tell him?" " Jerry Gallo." " Jerry Gallo?" "The big attorney?" " Yeah." " Think that was a smart move?" " Yeah." "He's a seriously accomplished lawyer." "His name'll show up all over the place." " His name was in the papers all last week." " I saw that." " You didn't actually read the articles?" " No." " That's too bad." " Why is that?" "Cos he's dead." "What's the matter with you?" "I dunno." " You're acting like you're nervous." " Well, yeah." "I am." "Why?" "I'm the one that's under the gun." "The trial starts tomorrow." "You wanna know what I'm nervous about?" "I'll tell you." "I am in the dark here with this legal crap." "I have no idea what's goin' on." "All's I know is you're screwin' up and I can't help." " You lent me your little camera, didn't ya?" " Oh, Vinny." "I'm watchin' you go down in flames, bringin' me with you, and I can't do anything about it." "And?" "I hate to bring it up" " I know you got enough pressure on you - but we agreed to get married when you won your first case." "Meanwhile, ten years later, my niece, the daughter of my sister, is gettin' married." "My biological clock is tickin' like this, and the way this case is goin', I ain't never gettin' married." "Lisa, I don't need this." "I swear to God, I do not need this right now, OK?" "I got a judge that's just aching to throw me in jail." "An idiot who wants to fight me for $200." "Slaughtered pigs." "Giant loud whistles." "I ain't slept in five days." "I got no money." "A dress-code problem." "And a little murder case which, in the balance, holds the lives of two innocent kids." "Not to mention your biological clock, my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on?" "Is there any more shit we can pile on to the top of the outcome of this case?" "Is it possible?" "Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up." "What the fuck is that?" "This is very romantic." "Out here in this field, under the stars, quiet." "No one around for miles." "It's very romantic." "I don't see no stars." "Honey, move." "My back." "I have to get up." "Wait." "Let me..." "This fuckin' jacket." "Fuck." " You OK?" " What was in that plastic thing in the trunk?" "It's your suit." " What is my suit doing in the trunk?" " I had it cleaned." "I thought it'd be a nice surprise - go in there with a clean suit." "I have 30 fuckin' minutes to take a shower, get a new suit and get to the courthouse." " You fuckin' shower, I'll get your fuckin' suit." " Little Yankee wuss." "Look here." "Got your $200." "You gonna kick the shit out of me now?" "Mr Gambini, are you mocking' me with that outfit?" "Mockin' you?" "I'm not mocking' you, Judge." "Then explain that outfit." "I bought a suit." "You seen it." "Now it's covered in mud." "This town doesn't have a one-hour cleaners, so I had to buy a new suit." "Except that the only store you could buy a new suit in has got the flu." "You get that?" "The whole store got the flu." "So I had to get this in a second-hand store." "So, it's either wear the leather jacket - which I know you hate - or this." "So I wore this ridiculous thing for you." "Are you on drugs?" "Drugs?" "No." "I don't take drugs." " I don't like your attitude." " What else is new?" " I'm holding you in contempt of court." " There's a fuckin' surprise." " What'd you say?" " What?" "What'd you just say?" "What'd I say?" "What?" "Your Honour, counsel, members of the jury." "The evidence in this case is gonna show that at 9.30 in the morning of January 4th, both defendants, Stanley Rothenstein and William Gambini, were seen gettin' out of their metallic green 1964 Buick Skylark convertible with a white top." "It's gonna show they were seen entering the Sac-o-Suds convenience store in Wazoo City." "The evidence is gonna show that, minutes after they entered the Sac-o-Suds, a gunshot was heard by three eyewitnesses." "You will then hear the testimony of the three eyewitnesses who saw the defendants running' out of the Sac-o-Suds just after the shots were heard, gettin' into their faded metallic green 1964 Buick Skylark and drivin' off in great haste." "Finally, the state is gonna prove that the defendants, Gambini and Rothenstein, admitted then recanted their testimony to the sheriff of Beechum County." "Now let's get down to it." "Your verdict is gonna depend on what you think of the sworn testimony." "Not what I think." "What I think don't count." "You're the jury." "It's your job to decide who's tellin' the truth." "Truth." "That's what "verdict" means." "It's a word that comes down from ol' England, and all our little ol' ancestors." "Now, we're gonna be asking you to return a verdict of murder in the first degree for William Gambini and a verdict of accessory to murder in the first degree for Stanley Rothenstein, for helping Gambini commit this heinous crime." "Counsellor, you wish to make an opening statement?" "Counsellor?" " Vinny." " What?" "Come on, it's time to make your opening statement." "Come on, Vin." "Everything that guy said is bullshit." "Thank you." "Objection, Your Honour." "Counsel's entire opening statement is argument." "Objection sustained." "The entire opening statement, with the exception of "thank you", will be stricken from the record." "The jury will please disregard counsel's entire opening statement." "And you, Mr Gambini, will not use that kinda language in my court." "Understand?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Putz." "Counsellor." "Your statement, sir." "Well, now." "Ladies and gentlemen of the j-j-j... of-of the j-j-j... jury." "On-on..." "On January ffffffff.... fourth of this year, my client did indeed visit the Sac-o-Suds c... co... convenience store." "But-but he didn't" "kill anyone." "He..." "We intend to prove that the ppppp... prosecution's case is circumstantial and-and-and" "coincidental." "Thank you." "That's it?" "What about everything we talked about?" " I get a little nervous..." " A little?" "I'm gettin' better." "I heard a gunshot, so I looked out the window and I seen them two boys run out, get into their car, and drive off like maniacs, their tyres screeching', smokin', goin' up on the kerb." "Is this the car?" " Yes, sir." " Thank you, sir." "No further questions, Your Honour." "Your witness." "All right." "Mr T-T-T..." "Tipton." "Now, when you viewed my clients," " how-how far away were you?" " About 50 feet." "Now, do you think that that's close enough to make an accurate i-i-i-identification?" "Yes." " Mr Tipton, I see you wear eyeglasses." " Sometimes." "Would you care to show those eyeglasses to the jury, please?" "Thank you." "Thank you." "Mr Tipton, were you wearing them that day?" " No." " You see." "You were 50 feet away, you made a positive eyewitness identification, and-and-and yet you were not wearing your necessary prescription eyeglasses." "They're reading glasses." "Well, Mr..." "Could you tell the court what colour eyes the defendants have?" "Brown." "Hazel green." "No more questions." "Mr Gambini." "Your witness." " He's a tough one." " Yes." "Mr Tipton." "When you viewed the defendants walking' from their car into the Sac-o-Suds, what angle was your point of view?" "They was kind of walking toward me when they entered the store." "And when they left, what angle was your point of view?" "They was kind of walkin' away from me." "So would you say you got a better shot of them goin' in, and not so much comin' out?" " You could say that." " I did say that." "Would you say that?" "Yeah." "Is it possible the two youths..." "Two what?" "What was that word?" " What word?" " Two what?" " What?" " Did you say "yoots"?" " Yeah. "Two youths."" " What is a yoot?" "Excuse me, Your Honour." "Two youths." "Is it possible the two defendants entered the store, picked 22 specific items off of the shelves, had the clerk take money, make change, then leave." "Then, two different men drive up in a similar..." "Don't shake your head." "Wait till you hear the whole thing so you can understand." "Two different men drive up in a similar-looking car, go in, shoot the clerk, rob him and then leave?" "No." "They didn't have enough time." " How much time was they in the store?" " Five minutes." " Five minutes?" "Did you look at your watch?" " No." "Oh, I'm sorry." "You testified earlier that the boys went into the store and you had just begun to make breakfast." "You were just ready to eat and you heard a gunshot." "So obviously it takes you five minutes to make breakfast, so you knew that." " Do you remember what you had?" " Eggs and grits." "Eggs and grits." "I like grits, too." "How do you cook your grits?" "You like 'em regular, creamy or al dente?" " Just regular, I guess." " Regular. lnstant grits?" "No self-respectin' Southerner uses instant grits." "I take pride in my grits." "So, Mr Tipton." "How could it take you five minutes to cook your grits when it takes the entire grit-eating world 20 minutes?" "I dunno." "I'm a fast cook, I guess." "I'm sorry, I was over here." "I couldn't hear." "Did you say you're a fast cook?" "That's it?" "Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than on any place on the face of the earth?" "I don't know." "Perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove." "Were these magic grits?" "Did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?" " Objection, Your Honour." " Sustained." " Are you sure about that five minutes?" " I don't know." " I think you made your point." " Are you sure about that five minutes?" "I may have been mistaken." "I got no more use for this guy." "You're fired." "I want him." "Come on, now." "Move it." " Don't worry." "I'll bail you out." " Don't." "I'm gonna stay in prison tonight." "Maybe I can finally get some sleep." "I'm doin' good, huh?" "Hey, how ya doin'?" "Hey, Mr Crane." "What are these pictures of?" " My house and stuff." " House and stuff." "And what is this brown stuff on the windows?" " Dirt." " Dirt." "What is this rusty, dusty, dirty-lookin' thing over your window?" " It's a screen." " A screen." "It's a screen." "What are these really big things right in the middle of your view from the window of your kitchen to the Sac-o-Suds?" "What do we call these big things?" " Trees?" " Trees, that's right." "Don't be afraid." "Just shout 'em out when you know." "Now, what are these thousands of little things that are on trees?" " Leaves." " Leaves." "And these bushy things between the trees?" " Bushes." " Bushes." "So, Mr Crane." "You could positively identify the defendants for a moment of two seconds looking through this dirty window, this crud-covered screen, these trees with all these leaves on them, and I don't know how many bushes." " Looks like five." " Don't forget this one and this one." " Seven bushes." " Seven bushes." "So, what do you think?" "Is it possible you just saw two guys in a green convertible, and not necessarily these two particular guys?" " I suppose." " I'm finished with this guy." "Mrs Riley, when you saw the defendants, were you wearing your glasses?" "Yes, I was." "Over here, dear." "Would you mind puttin' your glasses on for us, please?" " Whoa." "How long you been wearin' glasses?" " Since I was six." " Have they always been that thick?" " Oh, no." "They got thicker over the years." "So as your eyes have gotten more and more outta whack as you've gotten older, how many different levels of thickness have you gone through?" "I don't know." "Over sixty years, maybe ten times." " Maybe you're ready for a thicker set." " Oh, no." "No, I think they OK." "Maybe we should make sure." "Let's check it out." "Now, how far were the defendants from you when you saw them entering the Sac-o-Suds?" " About 100 feet." " 100 feet." "Would you hold this, please?" "Thank you." "Sorry." "Excuse me." "Sorry." "Sorry." "OK." "This is 50 feet." "That's half the distance." "How many fingers am I holding up?" "Let the records show that counsel is holding up two fingers." "Your Honour, please, huh?" "Sorry." "Now, Mrs Riley, and only Mrs Riley, how many fingers am I holding up now?" "Four." "What do you think now, dear?" "I'm thinkin' of gettin' thicker glasses." "Thank you." " Hello." " You did good out there today, Yankee." "I like the competition." "You like competition, too?" "Makes things kinda fun, doesn't it?" " I'm enjoying myself so far." " I got a little surprise for you tomorrow." "What's that?" "You know you have to disclose all your evidence to me." "I just got it myself." "I'll disclose it first thing in the morning." "Judge gonna have to admit it." " Should I be worried?" " I sure would be if I were you." "Honey, where did you read about all that disclosure shit?" "Let me show you." "Why?" "I'm a special automotive instructor of forensic studies for the fbi." " How long you been in that position?" " 18 years." "Your Honour." "May we approach the bench, please?" "If you wish." "I object to this witness being called at this time." "We've been given no prior notice he'd testify, no discovery of any tests he's conducted, and the defence is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly those giving scientific evidence, so we can prepare for cross-examination," "and to give the defence an opportunity to have reports reviewed by a defence expert who might then be in a position to contradict the veracity of his conclusions." " Mr Gambini." " Yes, sir." "That is a lucid, intelligent, well thought-out objection." " Thank you, Your Honour." " Overruled." "Now, Mr Wilbur." "These are photos of tyres belonging to the defendants' car." "And these are photos of the tyre marks left by the assailants' car as it fled the store." " Now, are you familiar with these?" " Yes, I am." "Could you elaborate, please, sir?" "We compared the tyre marks outside the convenience store with the rear tyres of the defendants' car." "They're the same model and size tyre." "Michelin model XGV, size 75R, 14-inch wheel." "They're the same size and model tyre." " Anything else, sir?" " Yes, indeed." "The car, leaving the convenience store, spun its rear tyres dramatically and left a residue of rubber on the asphalt." "Now, I took a sample of that rubber and analysed it." "I also took a sample of the rubber from the rear tyres of the defendants' Buick and analysed that, too." "What kind of equipment did you use to find this out?" "I used a Hewlett-Packard 57-10A dual-column gas chromatograph with flame analysation detectors." "Is that thing turbocharged?" "Only on the floor models." "Now, Mr Wilbur." "What was the result of your analysis?" "The chemical composition between the two samples was found to be identical." "ldentical." "No further questions, Your Honour." " Your Honour." " Thank you, Mr Wilbur." "Court'll take a 60-minute recess for lunch." "Your Honour, I respectfully request a full day's continuance to go over this sh... stuff." " Request denied." " Thanks a lot." " And, Mr Gambini." " Yes, sir?" "I'd like to speak to you in my chambers." " You're a dead man." " I'm a dead man?" "I faxed the clerk of New York and asked him what he knew about Jerry Gallo." "You wanna know what he replied?" " Did you say "Jerry Gallo"?" " Yes, I did." " Gallo with a G?" " That's right." "Jerry Gallo's dead." " I'm aware of that." " Well, I'm not Jerry Gallo." "I'm Jerry Callo." "C-A-L-L-O." "All right." "All right." "Let's get this cleared up right now." "Hello." "This is Judge Chamberlain Haller." "Can I speak to the clerk?" "OK." "I'll be here." "He's gonna call back after three." "That gives you a stay of execution." "Unless by some miracle you happen to win this case in the next 90 minutes." "Why don't you go to lunch?" "Thanks." " I got my pictures back." " Good." "What'd the judge say?" "He said he found out that Gallo is dead." "He found out." "What'd he say?" "Lisa, I'm tryin' to think about the case now, OK?" "I'm sorry." " Can I help?" " "Can I help?"" "No, you can't help." "I wish you could, but you can't." "OK, you're lookin' at me." "What is that look supposed to mean?" "I'm a piece of shit cos I can't figure out a way for you to help?" "OK, you're helpin'." "I'll use your pictures." "These are gonna..." "I'm sorry." "These are gonna be a help." "I should have looked at these pictures before." "I like this." "This is our first hotel room, right?" "That'll intimidate Trotter." "Here's one of me from behind." "I didn't think I could feel worse than I did a second ago." "Thank you." "Here's a good one of the tyre marks." "Could we get any farther away?" "Where'd you shoot this from?" "Up in a tree?" "What's this over here?" "It's dog shit." "Dog shit." "That's great." "Dog shit." "What a clue." "Why didn't I think of that?" "Here's one of me reading." "I should've asked you a long time ago for these pictures." "Holy shit." "You got it, honey." "You did it." "The case cracker." "Me in the shower." "I love this." "That's it." "That is it." "I'm outta here." "Lisa." "I'm sorry." "Fuck." "I know I'm missin' somethin'." "Did you find anything?" "Very, very little." " Something?" " Nothin'." "Is it possible that two separate cars could be driving on Michelin model XGV 75R-14s?" " Of course." " Let me ask you this." "What's the best-selling single model tyre being sold in the United States today?" "The Michelin XGV." " And what's the most popular size?" " 75R-14." "The same size as on the defendants' car." "But two faded green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles?" "Excuse me." "What I'm askin' you is if the most popular size of the most popular tyre is on the defendants' car?" "Well, yeah." "Yes." "Thank you." "No further questions." "The witness can stand down." "Counsel." "Yeah." "Prosecution rests." "Mr Gambini." "Your first witness." "I will ask you one more time, and one more time only." " If I ask you again..." " Your Honour..." "Please, can I have a five-minute recess?" " My next witness is not in the courtroom." " Three minutes." "No more." "Sheriff, do me a favour." "Please trace this." " It's not my job." "Do your own investigating." " Please." "I only have three minutes." "Lisa." "Lisa, please." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, OK?" "I need you in the courtroom, and I need the phone." "Honey, come on." "Stop it." "I need the phone." "We have to make up." "Let's make up." "We gotta go back inside." "Everybody's waitin' for us." " We don't have a lot of time." " Shut up." " Gimme this." " Fuck you." "What is it with you with that mouth?" "Mr Gambini." "Tell me why." " Lisa, I need your help." " I don't give a shit." "Leave me alone." "Come on, I found it." "Your Honour, the defence calls as its first witness Miss Mona Lisa Vito." "I object, Your Honour." "This person is not on the witness list." "This witness is a automobile expert and is being called to rebut the testimony of George Wilbur." "Your Honour, would you instruct the bailiff to escort Miss Vito to the witness stand?" "Hold up your right hand." "Do you swear to tell the truth," " the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" " Yeah." "Miss Vito." "You're supposed to be some kinda expert in automobiles." "Is that correct?" "Is that correct?" " Will you please answer the counsel?" " No." "I hate him." "Your Honour, may I treat Miss Vito as a hostile witness?" "You think I'm hostile now, wait till you see me tonight." " Do you two know each other?" " Yeah, she's my fiancee." "Well, that would certainly explain the hostility." "I object to this witness. improper foundation." "I'm not aware of this person's qualifications." "I'd like to voir dire this witness as to the extent of her expertise." "Granted." "Mr Trotter, you may proceed." "Miss Vito, what's your current profession?" " I'm an out-of-work hairdresser." " Out-of-work hairdresser." "Now, in what way does that qualify you as an expert in automobiles?" " It doesn't." " Well, in what way are you qualified?" "Well, my father was a mechanic." "His father was a mechanic." "My mother's father was a mechanic." "My three brothers are mechanics." "Four uncles on my father's side..." "Miss Vito, your family's obviously qualified." "But, have you ever worked as a mechanic?" " Yeah." "In my father's garage, yeah." " As a mechanic?" "What'd you do in your father's garage?" "Tune-ups, oil changes, brake relining, engine rebuilds, rebuilds on trannies..." "OK." "OK." "But does being an ex-mechanic qualify you as being expert on tyre marks?" "No." "Thank you." "Goodbye." "Sit down and stay there until you're told to leave." "Your Honour." "Miss Vito's expertise is in general automotive knowledge." "It is in this area that her testimony will be applicable." "Now, if Mr Trotter wishes to voir dire the witness as to the extent of her expertise in this area," "I'm sure he's gonna be more than satisfied." "OK." "All right." "All right." "Now, Miss Vito." "Being an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic-inch engine, and a four-barrel carburettor?" " That's a bullshit question." " Does that mean that you can't answer it?" "It's impossible to answer." " Because you don't know the answer." " Nobody could answer that question." "Your Honour, I move to disqualify Miss Vito as a expert witness." " Can you answer the question?" " No." "It is a trick question." "Why is it a trick question?" " Watch this." " Cos Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55." "The 327 didn't come out till '62." "And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64." "However, in 1964 the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top, dead centre." "Well..." "She's acceptable, Your Honour." "Your Honour, this is a picture taken by my fiancee outside the Sac-o-Suds." "Can we agree on this?" " Yeah." " Thank you." "I'd like to submit this picture of the tyre tracks as evidence." "Mr Trotter." "No objection, Your Honour." " Miss Vito." "Did you take this picture?" " You know I did." " And what is this picture of?" " You know what it's of." "Miss Vito, it has been argued by me, the defence, that two sets of guys met up at the Sac-o-Suds, at the same time, driving identical metallic mint-green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles." "Now, can you tell us, by what you see in this picture, if the defence's case holds water?" "Miss Vito." "Please answer the question." "Does the defence's case hold water?" "No." "The defence is wrong." " Are you sure?" " I'm positive." "How could you be so sure?" "Because there is no way that these tyre marks were made by a '64 Buick Skylark." "These marks were made by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest." "Objection." "Can we clarify whether the witness is stating opinion or fact?" " This is your opinion?" " It's a fact." "I find it hard to believe that this kind of information could be ascertained simply by looking at a picture." "Would you like me to explain?" " I would love to hear this." " So would I." "The car that made these two equal-length tyre marks had positraction." "Can't make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Skylark." " And why not?" "What is positraction?" " It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tyres." "The '64 Skylark had a regular differential which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud knows, you step on the gas, one tyre spins, the other does nothin'." "That's right." " Is that it?" " No." "There's more." "When the left tyre mark goes up on the kerb and the right tyre stays flat and even..." "Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so, when the left tyre goes up on the kerb, the right tyre tilts and rides along its edge." "But that didn't happen here." "The tyre mark stayed flat and even." "This car had an independent rear suspension." "Now, in the '60s there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks." "One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark." "The other had the same body length, height, width, weight, wheel base and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest." "And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint-green paint?" " They were." " Thank you, Miss Vito." "No more questions." "Thank you very, very much." "You've been a lovely, lovely witness." "Mr Trotter, would you like to question Miss Vito?" "Mr Trotter." "No." "No, Your Honour." "No further questions." "In that case, Your Honour, I'd like to recall George Wilbur." "Miss Vito, you can stand down." "You realise you're still under oath." "Yes, Your Honour." "Mr Wilbur, how'd you like Miss Vito's testimony?" "Very impressive." "She's cute too, huh?" "Yes, very." " Mr Gambini." " Sorry, Your Honour." "Mr Wilbur, in your expert opinion, would you say that everything Miss Vito said on the stand was 100% accurate?" " I'd have to say that." " And is there any way in the world the Buick that the defendants were driving made those tyre tracks?" "Come on." "You can say." "It's OK, they know." "Actually," " no." " No." "Thank you." "No more questions." "Your Honour, I call Sheriff Farley." "You may stand down now, Mr Wilbur." " Sheriff, you realise you're still under oath?" " Yes, sir." "Sheriff Farley." " What'd you find out?" " On a hunch," "I took it upon myself to check if there was any information on a '63 Pontiac Tempest stolen or abandoned recently." "This computer read-out confirms that two boys, who fit the defendants' description, were arrested two days ago by Sheriff Tilman in Jasper County, Georgia, for driving a stolen metallic mint-green 1963 Pontiac Tempest with a white convertible top, Michelin model XGV tyres, size 75R-14." " Is that it?" " No." "A.357 Magnum revolver was found in their possession." "Sheriff Farley, just to refresh the court's memory, what calibre bullet was used to murder Jimmy Willis?" " A.357 Magnum." " The defence rests." "Mr Trotter." "Your Honour, in light of Miss Vito's and Mr Wilbur's testimony, the State'd like to dismiss all charges." "Order in the court." "Order here." "I have to get out of here by three." "Make sure all the bags are in the car." "Vinny, I'm sorry to have ever doubted you at any time, and for this I apologise." "Under the circumstances..." "You were great." "I just want to say thank you." "You're welcome." "I hope we can do it again." " Fine job, Mr Gambini." " Thanks." " Y'all come back and see us any time now." " I'll see." " Vin." " Bill." " You're welcome." " Vin, I...." "Listen." "Take your time, pick the right words, get back to New York, gimme a call." " Vinny, you did a terrific job." " Thanks." "You got an open invitation any time you come here." " We can get us a deer next time." " OK." "Thanks a lot." "I feel like if I don't get outta here now, I might never be able to leave." "Mr Gambini." "I have a fax here from the clerk of New York." "I owe you an apology, sir." "I'm honoured to shake your hand." ""Win some, lose some."" "Your courtroom manner may be rather unconventional, but I gotta tell you, you're one helluva trial lawyer." "Thank you." "And you're one helluva judge." "Sorry." "Bye, now." "What the hell was that all about back there?" "I had a friend send a fax to the judge, confirming the very impressive legal stature of Jerry Callo." "What friends you got in the clerk's office?" " Your friend." " My friend?" "Judge Malloy." "So what's your problem?" "My problem is I wanted to win my first case without any help from anybody." "Well, I guess that plan's moot." "Yeah." "This could be a sign of things to come." "You win all your cases, but with somebody else's help, right?" "You win case after case, and then afterwards, you have to go up to somebody and you have to say "Thank you."" "Oh, my God." "What a fuckin' nightmare." "I won my first case." "You know what this means." " Yeah." "You think I'm gonna marry you." " You're not gonna marry me now?" "No way." "You can't win a case by yourself." "You're fuckin' useless." "I thought we'd get married this weekend." "You don't get it, do you?" "That is not romantic." "I want a wedding in church with bridesmaids and flowers." "How many times did you say that spontaneous is romantic?" "Hey, a burp is spontaneous." "A burp is not romantic."