"I'm gonna nail Bo and Luke Duke." "Crazy Cooter talking." "Turkey coming right down my alley." "I'm having a picnic." "Which way to the beach?" "I want those slot machines." "Now we got them." "I wish those Duke boys were on my side." "Happy Birthday, Daisy." "Why, thank you, Enos." "Now get her out." "Don't stand there." "Go get her." "Welcome to Hazzard County." "Welcome to Hazzard County." "You've probably noticed there's something different here." "Well, this is Hazzard County." "They do things different here." "This is Bo Duke and Luke Duke." "They're cousins." "They fight the system." "When I got up, the thing on my mind was to do a little rabbit hunting." "And then the hound dog runs off." "And my car is taken." "And now we're chasing the Sheriff's car." "Ain't you glad we ain't in the big city where life gets complicated?" "Do you mind waiting till this is over." "Move it." "What are you doing?" "Taking a break?" "If you'd tuned this car instead of chasing women..." "we'd have already had him." "Not with you asleep at the wheel." "Grab that sign." "You grab it." "I can't." "I'm driving." "Is that what you call it?" "Try not to lose him, okay." "It wouldn't be much of a chase if we do." "Bo, you drive like my fanny whips apple butter." "You know what?" "I kind of admire the way he handles that thing." "Shoot fire and save box matches!" "Cooter Davenport." "You ain't got the sense the good Lord promised a turkey." "Hey, Luke." "What say, Bo." "Ain't you gonna see what he did with your car?" "You borrowed my car." "What did you do with it?" "I used it to run the Sheriff off the road to make him mad." "When he jumped out" "You jumped into his, right?" "Why did you steal the Sheriff's car?" "He impounded mine." "Seemed only fair to take his." "Using my car?" "Oh, that's real good, Cooter." "I told you not to lend Cooter your car." "Cooter, do you realize what it's gonna take to straighten all this out?" "No." "hello, bandit." "What's that doing there?" "Maybe it was took in a raid." "There ain't no slot machines in Hazzard County." "There is gonna be soon." "He's bringing them in." "Who is?" "Sheriff Rosco CoItrane." "That's him." "Sheriff Rosco Coltrane." "After 30 years as a fairly honest lawman... most of Rosco's pension got defeated in the last bond election." "This left Rosco to face retirement on a bad case of hemorrhoids." "And about two years left in office to grab all he could." "So overnight, Rosco became the best lawman that money could buy." "He got a rake-off from moonshine, contraband... and even portable prostitution in two cruising RV campers." "Now old Rosco is up for reelection." "That means the one man he's got to see is Boss Hogg." "If Sheriff Rosco runs the county..." "Boss Hogg runs Rosco." "Boss eats at the Boars Nest because his wife Lulu is a lousy cook." "You can tell a lot about a man by what he eats for breakfast." "Boss usually has coffee and raw liver." "Well, at least he don't dunk it." "Boss, them slot machines is coming in today." "Good." "tell me something." "Did the police get your car back?" "Boss, listen, I don't think I'm getting enough rake-off on them slot machines." "I mean, I got a Iot of expenses, with the election and it's...." "Listen, I'm taking all responsibility of putting them slot machines in." "You owe me, Boss." "I owe you?" "Rosco, I've overpaid any debt I'II ever have to you." "Because you married my fat sister." "I married your fat sister." "Boss, about the eIection" "You'd just better win." "That Honest John Ledbetter who's running against you... can't be bought." "You mean to tell me he's honest?" "He's so crooked, he makes you look straight." "But he's clean ruthless." "You're dirty ruthless." "Give me dirty ruthless any day." "Listen, I'm gonna beat him." "I'II beat him." "Rosco, with your image right now..." "if you were the only man running" "I'd come in second." "You'd come in second." "Jesse Duke is the clan patriarch." "You're gonna love old Jesse." "He's quite a study." "Jesse is a retired moonshiner." "And he's very religious." "Although he's well-read, he's rough as a mouthful of bark when he's riled." "Bo and Luke always have breakfast with Jesse, except on Saturdays... when they eat at the garage, on donuts and beer." "You get your car back from the Sheriff yet?" "Dumb Cooter Davenport." "Dumb Cooter?" "You're the one that loaned your car to him." "Next time you wanna Ioan your car to a fool like that, just run it over a cliff." "Save gas." "Mr." "Duke." "Oh, howdy." "Remember me?" "jill Dodson." "The orphanage fund?" "Sure." "And I got some money ready for you." "Thank you so much." "Excuse me." "I really appreciate everything that you've done." "I'II just get it." "Okay." "Thank you." "jill Dodson." "You're little JiIIie Rae Dodson?" "It's just jill now." "I haven't seen you since you ran off to college." "It's been a while." "Hey, Luke, ain't it wonderful what hormones can do?" "What are you doing now?" "Since I got back I've been working on the orphanage project." "The health Department will close it down if it's not completely renovated." "What about the county funds?" "unfortunately, it's not eligible for county funds." "It was privately endowed years ago." "The money just seems to have run out now." "So you're gonna save the old place all by yourself?" "well, I was raised there." "Me and Luke would be glad to help out." "WouIdn't we, Luke?" "Nope." "What do you mean nope?" "It's your civic duty." "Why, at Ieast two of them kids at the orphanage could be yours." "Bo's always bragging on me." "You know what I remember most about you?" "What?" "Your crush on me." "Isn't it funny how our tastes change when we mature." "Was that a compliment?" "You'd probably think it is." "Now, all this romance does eventually fit into Rosco's election." "So y'all stick with us." "The Boars Nest, owned by Boss Hogg, is the slickest club in Hazzard." "All the elite go there." "It has a $1 cover charge to keep out the riffraff." "I just don't understand you." "Why don't you wanna help jill with the orphanage fund?" "We got nothing else cooking." "She don't do nothing for me." "I hate skinny women." "You just ain't got no taste, that's all." "I swear, if women were birds, you'd probably date a buzzard." "And you'd date a crane." "No meat." "I'm collecting these." "What for?" "Lining the rabbit's cage." "Face up." "Daisy Duke is Bo and Luke's cousin." "She drives like Richard Petty, shoots like Annie Oakley... and knows the words to all of Dolly Parton's songs." "If we weren't cousins, I'd marry you." "That's never stopped anyone in this family before." "You got a point there." "fill it up, baby." "Take it easy." "Hey, don't you forget we got plans later." "Get your cotton-picking paws off." "Now that I finally got a hold, I think I'II just hang on." "Let go." "No, it feels kind of nice." "You okay?" "I'm all right." "Bo, why did you step in like that?" "I'm gonna get charged for two beers." "believe me, honey, I'm not gonna do it again." "Were you going out with that sharecropper?" "Of course not." "Was that dude bothering you?" "He just thinks he's this big-shot gangster... because he's gonna unload some slot machines off a fertilizer truck." "That doesn't exactly make him AI Capone." "slot machines?" "Don't put my business out on the streets." "Hey, dude, sit down." "You got me to mess with." "Okay." "I'II mess with you." "really." "His brother's bringing in these slot machines on a fertilizer truck." "And then that silly dude wants me to go to the No-TeII motel with him." "Says he'II take me off to nashville." "See the Grand Ole Opry, the works." "I reckon I've never wanted to see anything that bad." "Not even dolly Parton." "Can you imagine the look on Rosco's face when he opens up that fertilizer truck" "And all he sees is fertilizer?" "Hey, Bo!" "What say, Luke!" "How you doing?" "hello, Cooter." "Y'aII still driving this thing on the road?" "Yep." "I was wondering" "No, you can't borrow it." "Where's my share of the trucking money you owe me?" "I gave it to Bo." "How come?" "well, you see, I owed him $50, and y'aII being kin, I figured" "We're even." "Hey, look here now." "Hey, Luke." "Hey, Brodie, we were looking for you." "What are you doing?" "Hey, Mr. Dobro." "You all in for a little fun?" "We got our cars." "Yeah?" "What's on?" "Sheriff Rosco." "Bo and Luke laid it out for them." "After a gut-busting laugh, cranked up and cut out." "Go straight." "It's all right." "I know where I'm going." "I Iove your shortcut." "Cute." "They must've just changed this since last time a girl chased me through here." "You know, Bo, you could lose your way on a racetrack." "Burt reynolds never seemed to get lost." "He's got a mustache." "If there's one thing them old boys love better than a race on the track... it's a chase on the road." "Since they all had CBs, they set up a net with each man on a different road." "Whoever spotted the fertilizer truck would call back to Bo and Luke... who'd intercept." "Dobro Doolin staked out on the interchange." "This is Dobro DooIin coming to you live from the interchange." "Old Brodie watching 76 South... and Crazy Cooter covered 421." "For that fertilizer truck to get by... it'd have to leave the road and come overland." "It ain't gonna work." "Can't miss." "What if it does work?" "What are we gonna do with all them slot machines?" "I never thought about that." "We'II think of something." "Crazy Cooter talking." "Turkey coming right down my alley." "I read you, Cooter." "Did you copy that, Daisy?" "Cooter's on 421 ." "Ten-four." "Hit it." "What have we got here?" "Leroy, Iet's get that girl right here." "I'm gonna steal that away." "Are you having trouble, little lady?" "Yeah, I'm having a picnic." "Which way to the beach?" "There ain't no beach around here." "And me with this basketfuI of lemonade and chitIin sandwiches." "AII right, boys." "Raise them high, and don't turn around." "Now y'aII promised me you wouldn't bring machine guns." "Machine guns?" "Lord, have mercy." "Good luck, fellows." "You ain't going nowhere off." "Ain't this fun?" "The Duke family had been in the whiskey business... fifty years before the Declaration of lndependence." "They fought everybody... from the British to the Confederacy to the U.S. Government to stay in it... until last year when Bo and Luke got caught on a whiskey run." "So Jesse swallowed a lifetime of pride... signed a treaty with the U.S. Government to stop making whiskey... if Bo and Luke could get probation." "You see, he loved them boys better than life itself... but sometimes, they really made him wonder why." "He found them." "You were supposed to get the eggs." "I thought you were." "This time...you've gone too far." "Now, Jesse" "Where'd you get them?" "Sheriff Rosco snuck them in on a truckload full of fertilizer." "So we hijacked the truck." "You mean, you stole these gambling machines and a truck." "No." "Yeah." "We left the truck in front of the Sheriff's office." "What about these?" "well, we were just thinking that maybe" "Young man, you think again." "You know good and well that this family don't hold with no gambling." "Now, Jesse, we've been making moonshine for over 200 years." "Why's gambling different?" "Because making whiskey was a family tradition..." "long before there was a U.S.A. federal Government... to tell us that we couldn't." "And passing a law didn't change the family ways." "Yeah." "But this is something" "Besides... when we were making corn whiskey, we paid taxes on the corn." "gambling's a vice." "How are you gonna tax vice?" "Now, then..." "I'm going in there and I'm gonna collect my eggs." "When I come back out here..." "I don't wanna see anything but hind ends and elbows... as you two boys are loading them there machines on that there truck." "And don't go selling them at a profit." "That'd be wrong, too." "What do you think?" "I think I'm tired of you always getting us into trouble... and me having to think a way out." "We got to change his mind." "That'd be like reversing a buzz saw." "If we can't sell them, we're just gonna have to give them away." "Like a charity or something." "We're gonna reverse that buzz saw." "uncle Jesse... we're fixing to change your mind." "Or rather, Luke is." "tell him." "well, Luke?" "Can we keep those slots if I show you that all gambling ain't bad?" "No way." "Now how about if all the proceeds from those machines... went to the orphanage?" "You just found a way." "To put the machines where they'd do the most business..." "Bo and Luke ignored the bars and roadhouses... and hit all the civic and fraternal clubs." "And took 30% right off the top." "You all ever belonged to a group that wasn't trying to raise money?" "For instance, the Hazzard Ladies'Auxiliary needed money for a door prize... a trip to see The Lawrence WeIk Show." "The Hunting Club had two projects.:" "Raising money for the Animal Protective League... and their annual turkey shoot." "In one day Bo and Luke were sold-out." "I want those slot machines." "They've been missing three days." "That ain't my fault, Boss." "They set up my drivers with a haIf-naked female woman up on that highway." "Anybody'd stop for that." "You'd better get them back before word gets around... or you're gonna be out with the voters." "And you." "And me." "Better not hit too hard or the whole orphanage is gonna fall in." "Hi." "You startled me." "You ain't seen nothing yet." "What's that?" "Money." "What's that?" "Rudy." "He's my helper." "You wanna get a soda pop?" "Sure." "So, here's your money." "You're kidding." "I never kid about love or money." "But how...." "It was donated by some very civic-minded people." "It's not much, but it's a start." "I'm gonna collect from them every week." "That's wonderful!" "I knew it." "It is my money you're after." "Everybody said it was my body." "incredible." "My body?" "Your ego." "Thanks." "I've been working on it for years." "Look." "Don't get me wrong." "I appreciate the money, really." "It's just that I know this is only a game to you." "A game?" "Bo, this project is very serious to me." "For the two weeks I've been back, I've fought the rotten county politics... the health Department, everybody, to try and save this place." "The only reason we're being closed down... is because Boss Hogg controls the board and wants the land." "What does Boss want the land for?" "A shopping center." "This was my home." "The best possible any orphanage could be." "You mean well, and any other time it might be fun... but I just don't have time for your cute country shucking and jiving right now." "I do like a woman salty." "You haven't been listening." "Sure I have." "You been away to the big city... and now you've come back to save the old homestead." "Look, I" "well, while you were gone all that time..." "I was here fighting that same rotten system every day." "Look" "Now, I Iive here." "I choose this life." "Not because I don't know no better, but because I believe it is better." "And I'm gonna fight anything or anybody that pollutes the well where I drink." "Saving this orphanage is just part of it." "I didn't mean" "And another thing." "If you think I'm doing all this to make a play for you... well, would you grow up?" "Because believe it or not... when I make a play on a lady, I don't have to give her money." "although, it does keep her hands busy." "How am I doing?" "Now, you walk me to my car or the next money I collect... you're gonna have to come and get it yourself." "What are you doing, son?" "Squirting files." "I hate kids." "Where did you get that?" "We got two of them, Sheriff." "I know you got two of them." "I can see that." "We wanted more but the other clubs had taken them all." "When you say others, you're talking, Iike another club?" "The Ladies Aid, the Hunting club, the" "holy smoke." "AII the clubs are going great." "You ain't gonna cause a fuss, are you, Rosco?" "I'd be very unpopular if you did." "No." "I'm gonna cause no fuss, Harvey." "But I'm the Sheriff." "I'm supposed to know these things." "Now tell me, where did you get it?" "The Duke boys, Bo and Luke." "Bo and Luke Duke?" "They get 30% and we get 70% " "Thirty!" "Heck, I only get...." "Rosco, if you pick up some more slots in a raid... could we have them?" "We need some new carpeting bad." "Is that her?" "Yeah." "That's her." "Now, you swear?" "Yeah." "Rosco, if you know them Duke boys got our machines... why don't you throw them in jail?" "I will, son." "I will." "When I get enough evidence." "You?" "Since when?" "Since when elections are coming up." "Get out." "Hey, Sheriff." "You're gonna have to come with me." "I'd love to." "But I've gotta get myself to work." "I'm gonna be late." "You don't understand." "I mean I'II have to arrest you." "Oh, my Lord." "What for?" "Hijacking." "That's what for." "Damn." "follow that car!" "You're kidding." "Move!" "Faster." "I don't want to get no ticket." "From who, you jackass?" "Stop!" "Y'all hang on." "Put the window down." "Hey, again." "If you two don't take the prize." "Now, chasing around, risking your own probation and prison is your business." "Now we didn't mean" "But Daisy." "How many times have I said to you, "Boys, look out for Daisy"?" "And how many times have you said to me, "We will, uncle Jesse."" "And what do you do?" "You get her throwed in jail." "Now, just wait a minute." "It isn't always that way." "Daisy's the hope of the whole clan." "Thanks a Iot." "The family line ends with Daisy." "The chance of you two producing a family rates right up there... with hogs producing beef." "For 200 years... the Duke family had the whiskey craft." "The government took that away from us." "Then we had the land, and The Depression took that." "Now all the Duke family has left is what it started with, and that's family... and Daisy is family." "Now get her out." "So the next morning Luke decided to visit the shut-ins." "Escorting Luke to Daisy's cell was Deputy Enos Strate." "He and the boys grew up together." "Enos had a crush on Daisy." "And the reputation of being the oldest virgin in Hazzard County." "hold it." "Now, Enos, you can tell me." "Any change?" "Hang in there." "Hey, Daisy." "How are you doing?" "Great." "I'm writing this whole new song about this enriching experience." "Boy!" "jail cooking really puts on the weight, don't it?" "Luke, I've only been here overnight." "And stuck in the slammer today of all days." "It's her birthday, you know." "It is?" "Happy Birthday, Daisy." "Why, thank you, Enos." "Jesse sent along this birthday flower for your hair." "That's sweet." "I brought you these change of clothes to cheer you up... since you're stuck here in that waitress outfit." "Better check it out." "Make sure a shotgun ain't hidden there." "I better let y'aII visit." "No tricks now, okay." "Bye, Daisy." "Bye, Enos." "See you at supper." "Now, listen up." "Correct me if I'm wrong, Rosco... but the only thing you've done to get back those slot machines... is arrest a woman in a bikini for hijacking a load of fertilizer." "Right?" "Right, Boss." "But that's exactly what's gonna get those machines back." "You mean, you know where they are?" "The Duke boys have put them all over, in all the civic clubs." "The Hazzard CotiIIion, The Ladies Aid" "Ladies Aid?" "Hot damn." "I wish those Duke boys were on my side." "You don't have to worry... because I'm gonna hit them Duke boys where they live." "I've got Daisy, their cousin, in jail." "And they're gonna swap." "And then I'm gonna arrest them for possession of illegal gambling devices." "Rosco." "What?" "I got me three medals in two wars... and the only time I get scared is when you get smug." "This feels kind of awkward." "The ground gives your back natural support... and strengthens your arms." "This is the way beginners learn?" "On the ground?" "No." "But I finally got you lying down." "Why'd you take up bow hunting?" "I didn't have no choice." "Luke and me are on probation and can't own no guns." "So it's either use the bows or throw rocks." "At what?" "At game." "See, when we run low on food, we have to go hunting." "Jesse, he don't take kindly to no government assistance." "He'd rather starve." "Are you going to the orphanage picnic on Saturday?" "well...." "You have to come." "It's the money you and Luke collected that got us rolling." "Saturday?" "Yeah." "That could turn into a real barn burner." "Bo, may I ask you something seriously?" "Where is all that money really coming from?" "It's so much, and it's always in quarters." "Look, the true source is a very prominent man... who'd be real embarrassed if everybody knew." "He's a philanthropist." "He's been called everything." "We still have a Iong way to go... but if it hadn't been for him, we couldn't even begin." "I'd love to thank him." "well, love me." "I'm the go-between." "Bo." "Yeah?" "Why do you always try to be funny?" "well, because...you scare me to death." "We might get complicated." "would it be easier if I said I was leaving?" "Leaving?" "A job." "This was only temporary." "Damn." "Why didn't you tell me that?" "Is it important?" "Sure it is." "I don't know why... but I always think that the world ticks on my schedule and then...." "I really hate that you're leaving, jill." "Why?" "Maybe because you do scare me, and believe me, not many women do." "How much time we got?" "well...." "Enough." "hazel?" "Yeah, what do you want?" "I'm sorry to be such a bother, but I have to go to the little girls' room." "Again?" "I got other things to do, you know." "You're an angel." "I hate to be such a bother." "You're a real pain, sweetheart." "I'II just be a minute." "hazel, honey, I know I'm a pest, but that light's not working." "Wake up, birthday girl." "Sheriff, I got bad news." "Quiet." "I'm having my lunch." "Daisy's gone." "What did you just say?" "Daisy's gone." "Don't stand there." "Go get her." "You, too." "Get a roadblock." "It wasn't my fault." "You couldn't keep a canary in a cage." "Sheriff, there she is." "Right here." "Judas Priest on a pony!" "She's got my car again." "Come back, Daisy!" "Good God, Daisy!" "Bet you all ain't never seen a jailbreak like this." "That boy's fast." "And he drives good, too." "Hey, fella." "You ever considered a career in law enforcement?" "Look, Enos, we're willing to forget what happened." "It ain't your fault you're on the wrong side." "Wrong side." "Me?" "You know Sheriff Rosco brought in them slot machines... and that was wrong." "Yeah, I know." "I don't sleep good at night knowing it." "But it's just as wrong for you to steal them and make money." "Enos, your daddy ran moonshine." "So did ours." "Did you ever know us to mess with gambling?" "Then why'd y'aII do it?" "You'd never guess." "We did it for the Sheriff." "You're right." "I'd never guess." "You see, it's a Iong story." "It all started about four years ago...." "And while you're letting those prisoners escape... old Ledbetter there is kissing those babies and winning those votes." "Don't you worry about it, 'cause I'II tell you something." "I'm gonna nail Bo and Luke Duke." "nail them." "Rosco, before you start building any crosses... just remember those boys are very popular around here." "You better be sure you have the evidence." "There'II be no raiIroading in my county this close to elections." "I happen to know that those boys are bringing in two broken slot machines... and I know where and I know when." "You do?" "Yeah." "How good is your information?" "It's good." "In fact, it's my deputy." "They made a fool out of him." "Boy, he's anxious to get even." "Sitting ducks." "AII set." "That's a roger." "Coming at you, Sheriff." "They're all mine." "They're headed for town." "I'II come in the other side." "Hey, did you see that?" "See what?" "The bait shop." "Having a sale on worms and crickets." "well, if he don't sell them now, he's gonna have to feed them all winter." "They're right in front of you, Sheriff." "Now we got them." "Hang on, cousin." "I got them." "I got you." "This time I've got you." "You have been gotten." "Read them their rights." ""welcome, Sheriff Rosco"?" "How can we ever thank you for all that you've done!" "Hey, kids, now don't be...." "I know we promised not to tell, but she drug it out of us." "Besides, we figured people had a right to know who saved the orphanage." "You wait till Boss Hogg finds out it was you." "Oh, Rosco, you old softy." "We knew you'd be too modest to show up to the celebration, so we tricked you." "Enos here helped." "I had you all wrong about the slot machines." "I'm mighty proud to serve under a man like you." "Okay, Enos." "Well, the word got out and old Rosco was reelected." "Which meant the Dukes could still fight an enemy they knew." "Jill decided to hang around an extra week." "Old Boss was really burned at Rosco... for taking all the credit for saving the orphanage." "After all, they were his slot machines." "So that's the legend of how Sheriff Rosco helped save the orphanage... and made gambling respectable in Hazzard County." "Of course...he had a little help." "english"