"Four young boys in Colorado are on a trip from hell." "I can't take it!" "Somebody help us!" "Trapped in a unforgiving mountain wilderness with no way out." "The fourth graders are in a nightmare they cannot escape." "completely stuck." "Hurry!" "You got to wake up!" "on tonight's episode of..." "I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining." "God! We're trap!" "Got to get out of here! It's the last day of spring break." "students are trying to have as much fun as possible." "the last day has come too soon. 268)}so we wanted to go out and do something adventurous." "We can go to the city pool." "They have a water slide." "I'm not getting into a pool with Kenny." "He has herpes." "Look at his lips." "You got herpes." "Cold sore is what girls call it." "It's actually herpes." "The day's wasting away." "What would be something cool to do?" "somebody came up with ziplining." "that could be really cool!" "– We've definitely not done that before." "There's a place just outside of town." "My uncle Jimbo will drop us off." "Cool!" "Ziplining." "hell yeah!" "the boys are getting a ride with Stan's uncle Jimbo. 268)}mostly making fun of Kenny's herpes." "Kenny!" "You have herpes!" "I almost touched it." "Kenny!" "Gross." "Did you hear that?" "Kenny says it's just a fever blister." "You sound like a chick." "You got that shit until you die." "It's the idyllic spring break getaway with friends and laughter." "You guys here for the two o'clock zipline tour? and we'll get up there and hit that fresh nar nar." "268)}They put us in harnesses and helmets." "That's when we started realizing... this is actually pretty dangerous." "You guys look ready to zipline." "All right!" "Follow me to the waiting room and take a seat with the others." "we have to do this with this other people?" "there." "– Hello." "The boys have just made a sobering discovery." "the realization that he will be with a tour group has caused his adrenal glands to slow down." "The average human acts a certain way around friends and family." "acting nice and pretending to care about people on the tour." "How are you?" "how are you?" "we sit there for like 30 minutes." "We had to wait for this couple running late." "Our last zipliners are here." "Sorry we made you wait." "fuck you."" "We don't mind." "but... that's when we had to watch the safety video." "Michael." "Michael." "maybe 15 minutes of pure hell." "And don't forget to take in the nar." "Michael." "Michael." "Anybody have any questions?" "I have a question." "Could we review the best ways to hold the rope again?" "because you couldn't understand?" "Let's get out there and get zipping." "273)}– Jesus Christ!" "– Finally!" "The boys think their ordeal is over." "But what they don't realize is that things are about to go from bad to worse." "ziplining!" "Everyone step on in the shuttle." "Shuttle?" "How long do we have to take the shuttle?" "It's about 45 minutes." "It's a devastating blow." "it's almost too much to bare." "His brain is lacking excitement." "just the word "shuttle"" "makes Kyle's brain fire neurons that bring up memories of how lame shuttles can be." "we have no choice." "Should be about 45 minutes to the freshest nar nar." "Why don't we go around the van to get to know each other?" "That's OK." "and this is my wife Donna. we came out here to see our relatives who live in Moab." "They've lived in there about 20 years now. we should try ziplining. on billboards and... you know... we found this company and gave her a try." "and that's when... we just..." "235)}It's almost three o'clock and the boys are still on the shuttle." "We're getting close." "You're psyched?" "is that a massive storm is brewing." "Eric {\Cartman }had Kung Pao spaghetti from California Pizza Kitchen." "the Kung Pao has met with the Del Taco he ate for breakfast." "It has started to tear down the layers of a barbecue BK Toppers that have been building up for months." "Eric is ingesting massive amounts of Mountain Dew." "The caffeine and sugar turn the soupy fast-food liquid into a toxic gas." "it caries with it tiny particles of Eric's fecal matter." "Fecal matter which floats up and into Kyle's nasal passage." "Did you fart?" "we're here." "Thank God." "Here we are!" "We've got some good nar to zipline through today. does anyone care to know about these trees' biology?" "The trees' biology? we can take a few minutes." "We're good." "I'd like to know about the biology of the trees." "This is a ponderosa pine." "It covers a more extensive area than other... we finally get to go ziplining." "Remember to keep your hands clear of the cable and let your equipment do the work. the camera will take your picture. look up and give the camera a nice shaka bra." "You're ready?" "Ready to do some zipping?" "Let's hear you say "zipline!" "Shaka bra!" "nice zip!" "How was it?" "Totally fucking stupid!" "Really?" "It's fucking boring as shit." "give me a "zipline!" "Shaka bra!" "It was like having the life sucked out of you." "sliding down a cable." "it'd be kind of fun." "Maybe." "But this was just a complete disaster." "After a grueling 20 minutes" "the boys realize they have wasted hours of their time." "And that is when the unthinkable happens." "Let's get moving." "Only ten minutes to our next ziplines." "The next ziplines?" "What are you talking about?" "Excuse me." "We aren't going back?" "Are we done?" "This is a zipline tour." "We've got 16 more to go." "It was like..." "Everyone back in the shuttle." "The boys realize that their ziplining nightmare has only just begun." "Any questions about the creek we're about to cross?" "Let her rip!" "Zipline!" "Four young boys in Colorado are on a trip from hell." "we call it the Terminator." "Trapped in an unforgiving mountain wilderness with a tour group." "and..." "Could you get another picture of us?" "The fourth graders are in a nightmare they cannot escape." "I'm so fucking bored!" "Nice zip!" "Ricky." "Help!" "Somebody!" "We're trapped!" "Somebody help us!" "It's no use." "There's nobody around for miles." "There could be a helicopter." "nobody's coming for us." "Zipline!" "We should have never listened to you." "you! Let's all go ziplining." "We never done that before." "Don't try to pin this on me." "You're the one who brought it up." "Because you already brought it up." "That's when I realized nobody remembered." "Nobody remembered it was me who came up with the idea of ziplining." "Me." "273)}– You fat piece of shit!" "– Fuck you!" "does it really matter whose idea it was?" "We can make it." "We can't panic." "the tour will move faster." "We are gonna make it out of here." "But what the boys don't realize is that Eric's body is shutting down from stage four diarrhea." "bile has just dislodged in Arby's Ultimate Angus." "this would only cause mild diarrhea." "a Mountain Dew product with twice the sugar and caffeine." "His rancid feces is now rapidly converting to a thick paste." "The diarrhea shoots out of his anus and into his underwear." "Eric Cartman is a ticking time bomb." "Did you just shit your pants?" "I tried to keep the tour group moving as fast as possible." "This is where we're gonna break for lunch." "gang." "Could we skip lunch and keep going?" "Skip a free lunch?" "Not me!" "Who wants sandwiches?" "We got turkey." "Ham." "Turkey ham." "Long story short... something's wrong in my tummy." "fatass." "This is Diet Double Dew." "It has half the caffeine and sugar of Double Dew." "I got to get to a bathroom fast." "You're in a forest." "Go take a crap." "the blood will attract beavers!" "really sick." "The little kid with the herpes?" "sorry." "and he's losing blood." "but we're at the summit." "Our only way down is to zip down." "Zipline!" "273)}– What about the stables?" "– The stables!" "There's a ranch past that hill that rents horses." "I bet they can get you back." "Stan says he knows about some horse stables." "It seemed too good to be true." "Let me get this straight." "one for each of you?" "I think we can set you up." "after all." "Step out here." "We'll get you going." "Duncan." "Four young boys in Colorado are on a trip from hell." "Trapped in a tour group on horseback that is only allowed to travel four miles an hour." "Can we please go faster?" "We got some lunch set up for you up ahead." "Some turkey sandwiches and Diet Double Dew." "I was born in 1953 at 6:00 in the morning... on..." "I Should Have Never Thought Horseback Riding" "Would Be Any Better Than Ziplining." "This here waterfall is called Heartbreak Falls." "Would you all like to know why it's called Heartbreak Falls?" "I certainly would!" "Wake up." "go without me." "273)}– We're not leaving you here." "– I can't take it anymore." "Why do people say "long story short"?" "They're not making it short." "watching Kyle die... right then and there." "this fire rose up inside of me..." "I thought I can find us a way out." "12 minutes." "That's when I found it." "get up!" "there's a lake 100 yards down that way." "They've got a marina with boats." "273)}– A marina?" "– We can take a boat." "We can take it all the way back to Fairplay." "What's the point?" "A boat all to ourselves." "It will be fun!" "What could possibly go wrong?" "The following program contains graphic re-enactments that may be disturbing to some audience members." "Four young boys in Colorado are on a trip from hell." "which is only allowed to go 5 miles an hour." "Because we keep getting screwed over by your diarrhea." "Not my diarrhea's fault you fucking Jew!" "fatass." "The fourth graders are in a nightmare they cannot escape." "mine... or Kyle's?" "I don't give a shit." "on..." "I Should Have Never Got on a Goddamn Boat." "You're not sinking up the entire boat." "Take a crap off the side into the water." "Beavers! that boating is just as boring as ziplining." "and it just went round and round." "they could die." "everyone drink some Mountain Dew. the caffeine and sugar would help us stay awake." "I told Cartman he had to share it." "I'm not sharing with Kenny." "He has herpes." "Cartman." "Four young boys in Colorado are on a trip from hell." "And just when it seems it can't get any worse..." "Kenny McCormick has died of boredom." "they killed Kenny." "you!" "Look what your ziplining has done." "You're the bastard!" "you bastard!" "stop it!" "Stop it." "It was me." "My idea." "You? I came across a brochure for ziplining." "I thought it would be fun." "I only acted like it was an idea we all came up with together." "you intended for us to go ziplining all along?" "Stan? you get a free iPod Nano." "You sold us out for an iPod Nano?" "I had no idea ziplining would be so boring." "You... you killed Kenny." "Stan!" "How many iPod Nanos is friendship worth?" "I guess one." "The hardest part about it is knowing you can't take it back. so I can't trade it in anywhere." "the boys prayers are finally answered." "It was a miracle." "He came to save us and take us home." "273)}– You came for us." "– Mr. Hankey." "boys." "Let's get you back home." "268)}We were saved." "It was over." "the boys are finally going home." "the boys were airlifted aboard Mr. Hankey's Helicrapter." "230)}that Mr. Hankey then had to fly them on his 7 Turdy 7." "230)}on the Pooh-Choo Express." "would now start the long journey back to forgiveness." "and the boys received treatment for their herpes." "I didn't get herpes." "I had a cold sore." "having fecal matter removed from his nasal passages." "Stan Marsh dedicated himself to raising awareness about the boredom risks of ziplining." "His awareness videos became so popular ended up jacking it in San Diego." "he refused to let the tragedy stop him from doing what he loves most." "defiant to dew the math." "It's diet." "Diet soda doesn't give you diarrhea."