"You know how in some movies... they have a dream sequence, only they don´t tell you it´s a dream?" "This is so not a dream." "It wasn´t supposed to be like this." "I was just trying to do my job, and then things happened." "well, life happened." "And now I´m here." "Catch a faIIing star and put it in your pocket..." "Catch a faIIing star and put it in your pocket..." "Trust me." "I´m not the kind of girl... who does things like this." "I mean, two months ago, you couldn´t have picked me out of a crowd." "Hi." "call me." "told you." "I´m over there." "I was the youngest copy editor at the Chicago Sun-Times." "Standard British caIIsfor ´"re.´"" "So unless you´re a pompous American," "I would go with ´"er.´"" "I had my own office, unlimited stationary supplies, and a professional, dedicated assistant." "Thought of this awesome new phrase." ""Power is powerful.´"" "total T-shirt, right?" "Awesome." "Amazing." "What?" "Can I get my messages?" "Yeah." "Hey, seriously, last time I saw you, did I Iook fat?" "OK." "You hesitated." "No." "Case closed." "Forget it." "Excuse me, Merkin." "Um, I noticed that there weren´t any index cards." "I can´t do notes without them." "Hey, hey, hey." "Merkin ain´t jerking´." "He´s workin´, OK?" "Take that to the bank." "It´s power, baby." "It´s power." "My boss." "No." "I´m just a little tense." "I mean, this whole office is not Feng Shui." "AII the desks are facing, Iike, evil, you know?" "Uh, do you think I should bleach my jeans..." "Josie!" "Guess who I did it with last night." "Roger from op/ed?" "Ohh!" "Who told you?" "You did." "You said yesterday, and I quote," "´"I have a date with Roger from op/ed tonight, and I´m gonna do it with him.´"" "Computer´s down." "SeptupIet story." "Need it by 5:00." "hopefully the copy´s not a mess." "It´s ´"hoped´" that it´s not a mess." "´"hopefully´" is an adverb." "It means ´"with hope.´"" "You have it defining the copy, and I´m pretty sure the copy doesn´t have feelings." "So, Anita..." "You and Roger in op/ed." "Oh, man, who told you?" "Roger in op/ed." "really?" "Anita?" "What?" "Don´t make me send you another memo... about my policy on interoffice dating." "It´s ´"intraoffice dating.´"" "And they´re not dating." "They´re having sex." "Oh." "And what exactly is your policy, Augustus?" "That if you´re not getting any, then no one can?" "Hmm." "How many times have I fired her?" "Five or six." "Eight." "Gus..." "Did you get those story ideas that I Ieft on your desk?" "Morning, Mr. Strauss." "Yes, the blind foster home mother." "That was good." "I got Kahune on it." "Oh, yeah." "Kahune." "He´s good." "geiler, we´ve been through this." "You´re a great copy editor." "You´re maybe my best copy editor." "You´re not a reporter." "You´ve used 5 of my ideas." "Gus, please." "Every Tom, Dick, and Harry thinks he can write, but a journalist gets in there where the bombs are falling." "He´s aggressive." "He grabs the bull by the balls." "You don´t think I can grab a bull´s balls?" "geiler, you don´t want a reporter´s life." "Trust me." "They´re very messy, and you´re all about order and control, and getting me my copy by 5:00." "I can be out of control." "Copy by 5:00!" "Josie, maybe Gus has a point." "You know, it´s not gonna kill you to relax and have some fun." "Hey, you know, Roger´s got this friend marshall in editing." "Maybe we can all go on a double date or something." "marshall the duke?" "I swear to God, Josie!" "Come on!" "tell me, when is the Iast time that you went on a real date?" "I´m concentrating on my career right now." "Do you own any colored underwear?" "Stripes or anything?" "The right guy, he´s out there." "I´m just not gonna go kiss a whole bunch of losers... to get to him." "Yeah, but you know what?" "Sometimes kissing Iosers can be a really fun diversion." "When I finally get kissed, I´II know." "OK." "If you´ve never kissed a guy before, we have bigger problems than the underwear." "I´ve kissed a guy." "I´ve kissed guys." "I just... haven´t felt that thing." "That thing?" "Is that what you kids call it these days?" "That thing." "That moment when you kiss someone, and everything around you becomes hazy... and the only thing infocus is you and this person... and you realize that that person... is the only person that you´re supposed to kiss... for the rest of your life." "And for one moment you get this amazing gift, and you wanna laugh, and you wanna cry..." "´Cause you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it´II go away all at the same time." "Damn, girl." "You are a writer." "OK...finished." "What do you guys think?" "Where do you think it should go?" "The bedroom?" "That´s exactly what I was thinking." "When I say that I´m OK" "well, they look at me kind of strange" "Perfect." "surely you´re not happy now" "You no Ionger play the game" "The meeting just began." "Let me start by saying I was very impressed... with that investigative piece that Dutton did... on pesticides in our supermarkets." "But since the Trib did a piece on the same subject only better, you´refired." "Dutton, did you hear me?" "You´refired." "Out, out, out." "close your cubicle." "Bye-bye, Dutton." "hello, everybody else still working here." "Let´s celebrate by doing another undercover feature." "Now, you know that my inspiration for these stories... come, of course, from my personal life." "I mean, who would´ve thought that my foray into hair plugs... would´ve resulted in last month´s cover story?" "´"Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.´" A great story." "So anyway, last night," "I´m sitting home with my family having dinner..." "Roger." "And my younger boy starts to choke." "And I realized that my son was allergic to peanuts." "I said to myself, ´"holy shit!" "I don´t even know my own kids.´"" "How much do we know about these high school kids?" "What are they thinking?" "And then it hit me." "Boom!" "´"My Semester in High school.´"" "You." "What´s your name?" "Josie." "Jose?" "Josie geiler." "Josie geiler, you enroll Friday." "Have fun." "The meeting just ended." "Josie!" "20-minute handstand." "Freaked the yogi right out." "Excuse me." "Josie." "Ohh..." "It´s really happening!" "My first undercover feature by Josie geiler!" "Josie, maybe you should turn it down." "Why?" "You don´t think I can do it?" "No, no!" "It´s just..." "This is a Iot of pressure for your first piece, that´s all." "I mean, this is not a haIf-a-page article." "This is a major undercover piece, OK?" "Look what Rigfortjust did to Dutton in there, and that guy´s his cousin." "Don´tworry." "I´m gonna straighten this all out." "Neither of you guys think I can do this?" "That´s notwhat we´re saying, Josie." "Anita, when you wanted to seduce the guy in the mailroom, and you thought you couldn´t learn Spanish fast enough, who quizzed you on your verbs?" "Senorita Josie." "And, Gus, when you wanted to Iearn how to knit, who showed you how to work the needles?" "Um, you did." "You knit?" "Yeah." "So this is my chance." "well, I´m not holding your job for you, geiler." "Thankyou!" "OK." "Don´t make me give you my memo on interoffice hugging, OK?" "Now comes the hard part." "Oh, my gosh." "You get to be 17 again." "OK, what´s the first thing you´re gonna need?" "You want Bambi?" "No way." "Rob, please." "Why don´t you just borrow Mom´s car?" "I can´t use a minivan." "I need a cheap car." "Ha ha." "A vintage classic." "It´s just for a couple of months." "A couple of months is like 10 years in Bambi life." "It´s so weird that you name your cars." "Why?" "Guys name their penises." "OK." "You can have my Buick La Sabre... and name it anything you want." "really?" "La Sabre." "Nah." "I don´t think so." "fully loaded." "Maybe." "Are those shorts or a skirt?" "They´re gaucho pants." "I got them on sale." "aloha!" "welcome!" "Every customer gets afree lei." "relax, Vaughn." "It´s just my sister." "aloha, my ass." "Shake it easy, buddy." "Hey, Rob, have you talked to the admissions lady... from Lakeshore Community college yet?" "No." "But you could start before next semester." "You could even talk to her about a baseball scholarship." "It´s too late, Josie, you know?" "I´m not going to college." "I´m not playing baseball anymore." "This is my Iife." "This is a luau that sells packing material." "You had such a shot at playing college ball." "You let a case of mono stop you." "Don´t you wanna move out of Mom and Dad´s?" "Pay your own bills?" "Why?" "So I can be as happy as you?" "I am happy." "Besides..." "You are looking at the newest undercover reporter... forthe Chicago Sun-Times." "I am Josie geiler, high school student," "Senior class 1999." "Uh-uh." "You´re kidding, right?" "What?" "Do you remember high school?" "It was a Iong time ago." "Do you remember what they called you in high school?" "Josie Grossy!" "Josie..." "Josie Grossy." "I know." "I made it up." "I didn´t know it was gonna catch on like it did." "Josie..." "What´s the matter?" "You look nauseous." "Nauseated..." "I Iook nauseated." "Hi, billy." "Um, I noticed that you weren´t in math class today... so, um, I decided to take some notes for you." "Ha ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "This is a very bad idea." "Hey." "feeling good." "My name is Josie." "I´m from Scranton, pennsylvania, the Keystone State." "hold it." "Where you going?" "To high school... because I´m a high school student." "I´m here with my fellow students." "Hey, guys." "Hi." "Beeper." "Appears legitimate." "Computer organizer." "Recording device." "I can grab a bull´s balls." "Appears legitimate." "This is a projectile launcher." "That´s a weapon." "class, today we have the pleasure of exploring... the pantheistic culture of India." "India" "Hi." "hello!" "WiIIkommen." "Entre, entre." "Sorry I´m late." "I´m sorry I forgot to take my hot flash medication today." "please sit." "´"Josie.´" right." "Mi casa es su casa." "That is so sad." "I know, Iike, 5 chickens had to die... just so she could look that stupid." "Josie, in my classroom, tardiness is unacceptable." "I´m sorry." "well, not as sorry as I am." "10 minutes in that hat, you´II never be late again." "OK." "So let´s hear something about you." "Stand up." "Stand up." "My name is Josie geiler." "I´m a high school student." "I´mfrom" "billy?" "Excuse me." "You live in billy?" "B-baIi." "Uh, billy ball." "Um, it´s a suburb of ball proper." "ball!" "The island nation of ball." "Fascinating." "What did your family do there?" "Um..." "We were..." "Sheep..." "Sheep farmers." "My family raised sheep?" "research ball." "kill Anita for picking out this outfit." "Find and destroy sombrero." "We sit here." "Yeah." "Sorry." "I didn´t know these seats were assigned." "They´re not." "Morning, everyone." "Morning." "I, uh, I don´t thinkwe´ve met." "I´m Sam..." "CouIson." "The school has this thing about letting you guys call me Sam." "I´m Josie, but I´m pretty sure the school... would be OK with you calling me that." "So welcome to Shakespeare´s As You Like It." "Here." "We can share." "...is an example of Shakespearean.... pastoral comedy." "Now, does anyone know what that means?" "Oh, yeah." "That´s what they do to milk." "No, Sarah." "That´s, uh... that´s ´"pasteurize.´"" "Uh, but it´s close." "Parakeet?" "OK." "Anyone else?" "Josie." "pastoral means set in the country, originally seen in the eclogues of VirgiI." "It´s from the Latin ´"pastoraIis´", to graze." "Are you sure you´re 17?" "Yes." "I´m 17." "I´m 17." "Of course." "Excuse me." "Ahem." "What´s in the cole slaw?" "Thankyou." "Kirsten, that bran muffin has like 75 grams offat." "Nuh-uh." "Did I tell you that Lisa has hemorrhoids?" "Hi." "Nasty." "Hi." "Hi, Kristin." "It´s Keer-sten." "Oh." "OK." "Oh!" "well, that´II teach me to wear white jeans after Labor Day." "I don´t think you´re supposed to wear white jeans after 1983." "Right." "Right, right." "OK, so, um," "like what are your guys´ hopes and dreams?" "Any interests?" "Hi." "I´m Guy." "Hi." "Y-yes, y-you are a guy." "Quite a guy." "Oh, my." "That rhymes." "Ha ha ha." "Yikes." "Bikes." "Ha ha ha!" "Are you in special Ed.?" "I mean, are you?" "I can´t believe he said that." "He totally just said that." "I´m just gonna go." "Ha ha ha ha!" "Don´t slip, honey." "Off the chart." "Ohh!" "How old am I?" "approximately 6350 days old." "Now, that´s subject for adjustment... for month of birth." "heeeee!" "Ha ha!" "OK." "OK, thank you." "Let´s do it!" "hustle!" "hustle!" "Come on, girls!" "Go on!" "Move it!" "Pick up your feet!" "Come on!" "A little more commitment, geiler!" "Move it!" "Come on!" "Must...have water." "What do I Iook like, your waitress?" "Now, you are gonna complete these sprints... because if you don´t, you faiI." "And if you faiI gym, you´II never get into college." "You guys still tell that lie?" "That does it, geiler." "Drop." "Give me 20." "No." "Don´tworry, Rob." "I put premium gasoline in her." "Josie, I told you." "Bambi´s a cheap regular girl." "Wait a second." "Everything is fine, Rob." "I´II call you later." "Josie, don´t hang up" "They do it to all the new kids." "Who´s they?" "Guy Perkins and his amazing Iemmings." "They push your car out of its space and hide it, sit up there and watch while you look for it." "I´m AIdys." "I´m Josie." "AIdys." "That´s an interesting name." "When it´s not yours." "My mom was going through her HarIequin Romance phase." "tell me about it." "Try being named after a guitar-pIaying pussycat." "Never mind." "Listen, would you Iike to walk to Nano´s... and get something to eat?" "Yeah." "That would be really nice." "So tell me, what are your hopes and your dreams?" "What do you want to be?" "Thank you." "You´re welcome." "I want to be a professor of medieval literature." "I want to be a novelist." "I want to be a weekendfIautist." "I want to be a potter." "I want to be a painter." "I want to be an architect, and I want to go to Northwestern." "I went there!" "For what?" "Yes." "Once to use the bathroom." "Um, they have a really nice facility." "Oh, my God." "hello." "I got your message." "What the hell kind of story are you pitching?" "It´s my dad." "He worries." "Yeah." "Mine, too." "Yeah, hi, Dad." "I miss you, too." "You´re one sick puppy, you know that, geiler?" "It´s an exposé on cafeteria food." "Let me guess." "You´re leading with the terrible truth about cole slaw." "well, the bulk of it will be about the pimento loaf." "geiler, you wanna be a reporter?" "Take a look at what sells." "Sex scandals, bribery, people jumping off buildings." "So, unless some kid just killed himself... because he was being paid... to have sex with the school mascot... in a big vat of that cole slaw, you got nothing." "call me when you do." "They love to disconnect the battery, too." "Here." "Just so that you know," "I think they recalled these cars in 1974." "Yeah, thanks." "Sure." "No problem." "Josie, I was wondering..." "How are you at calculus?" "I´m good." "How would you Iike to join the Denominators?" "We have these really fun pizza study groups, and we go to these aII-county meets." "And not that you need it, and I don´t wanna sound like the Godfather, but we could offer you a certain amount of protection, if you know what I mean." "Sounds great." "´"AII the world´s a stage, and all the men and women, merely players.´"" "Does anyone know what Shakespeare meant by that?" "Anyone?" "It´s about disguise." "About playing a part." "And that´s the theme of As You Like It." "Now, does anyone know where we can see this?" "Oh." "well, RosaIind disguises herself as a man, and then she escapes into the forest." "Right." "And it´s when she´s in costume... that she canfinaIIy express her love for orlando." "See, the point Shakespeare is trying to make... is that when we´re in disguise, we feel freer." "We do things we wouldn´t do in ordinary life." "Brett, what happens when you go out on a football field... in uniform?" "We kick ass!" "Yeah!" "You yell." "You hit people." "You touch other guys´ butts." "It´s OK, it´s OK ´cause you´re in uniform." "See, disguise changes all the rules." "She´s spends all of her extra time... with her family on a yacht in the south of France." "Yeah, go!" "Quick hands!" "Quick hands!" "Here we go." "Who´s a winner, huh?" "Who´s a winner?" "Focus." "Good work." "Good work." "Easy, easy." "Good work." "Rob, Thanks for showing me that new grip." "It totally changed my swing, man." "Ah, no problem, man." "Hey, man." "What´s goin´ on?" "Hey, you guys know that girl, Josie geiler?" "Yeah, I know her." "You mean Loser?" "Nah, man, she´s cool." "I used to go out with her, man." "She dumped me." "But we´re still good friends." "Hey, really?" "Yeah, hey, wait." "Like, how good?" "Like--Iike good-good?" "She is amazing." "AII right." "AII right." "AII right, guys." "As you´ve probably noticed, this, uh, this certainly isn´t english." "Um, we´ve combined a few classes today here for the seminar, and hopefully, the speaker will be here any minute now." "Hi.Hey!" "Oh, hi." "Uh, you here for the sex talk?" "well, ha ha..." "I Iike a man who gets right to the point." "Are you Pam?" "If you say so." "OK." "Juniors, Seniors, this is Pam Kitterman." "She´s going to lead us in our sex discussion." "What?" "What?" "No, I´m not--what?" "Oh, I am." "Right." "That´s correct." "Hi." "I´m Pam." "I´m Pam." "Hi." "Uh, sex." "Ha ha ha." "well, yeah, sex." "Um...what do you say, really, you know?" "Uh, you Iike a guy, you do it with him, sometimes he calls." "Sometimes he doesn´t." "Oh...hi." "What are you doing here?" "I had a lunch break, so I came by to say hello." "God, your teacher is such afox." "He´s coming back." "He´s coming back." "Uh, why don´twe talk about that..." "later?" "And I just want to say that the burning sensation... is totally normal." "Um, sex is really fun." "When you´re old enough, which none of you are." "Trust me, I should know." "´Cause when you lose it to some guy named Junior-- with bad breath in the back of a van... at a Guns ´N´ Roses concert... you´II wish you listened to your mother when she said," "´"Nobody´s gonna wanna buy the whole ice cream truck... when you´re handing out the popsicles for free.´"" "Ahh!" "Any questions?" "Oh, I know it´s hard..." "I mean difficult, difficult, but safe sex is really important." "OK, so just imagine that the bananas... are the real thing." "In a land called Every Man´s Fantasy." "God, I can´t do this." "That´s because we don´t have sex with bananas." "OK, wait a second." "Do you really think she hooked up with our Rob?" "I mean, they´re so different." "well, sometimes opposites attract." "You know what, though?" "I feel like I´m really ready to do it." "You know, Iike, have sex for the first time." "It´s a big deal." "I know." "Just make sure you´ve found the right person." "You know, AdéIie penguins, they spend their whole lives..." "looking for that one other penguin, and when they meet them, they know, and they spend the rest of their lives together." "But I´m not a penguin." "Oh, it´s an analogy." "Excuse me." "I have to go die now." "Hey, kids, Cindy here." "Bad news about the prom." "East glen East is gonna do millennium, too." "What?" "!" "calm down." "calm down." "calm down!" "Sit!" "OK, Iet´s focus, all right?" "It´s--it´s prom theme." "AII we need is a new idea." "Um, how about Under the Sea?" "Yeah, right." "Oh, please." "Been done." "How--how about the eighties?" "What do you think we are, amateurs?" "AII right." "AII right." "Josie." "That´s not a theme." "Thankyou." "Uh, no..." "OK, Josie will have the answer." "Uh, h-how--how--how about Meantfor Each Other:" "Famous couples Throughout History." "absolutely." "absolutely!" "we love it." "That was so brilliant." "Here, try these." "Gus, listen, it is a great story." "They keep the tags on... and then they return the clothes afterthey´ve worn them." "Gus?" "Hi." "Hi." "What´s up?" "I was just looking at this cardigan." "Isn´t it cool?" "Oh, my God." "Like, there goes another lemming." "Good play!" "Good play!" "Go, Rob!" "Go, sexy boys." "You guys, victory dance." "Kegger party tonight at my house." "Yeah!" "Hey, that was a great play, Rob." "Great play." "You know, you may be just what South glen needs... to win state this year." "will I get to play in the championship game?" "play in?" "You´re gonna start!" "Short stop, and listen," "I don´twant to put extra pressure on you, but there´s going to be some pro scouts out there looking." "Thanks, Coach Romano." "You´re welcome." "Just glad to be part of a team again." "Josie, you´ve totally transitioned." "Transitioned?" "Yeah, you crossed over..." "Into our group." "It´s so hard to do." "people try all through school to transition, and never make it." "Wannabes." "Guy is totally crunching on you." "Do I want to be crunched?" "By Guy?" "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Hi." "SpIendiferous?" "totally." "I´m not going to her again." "She calls it a pedicure?" "She wants me." "Bye." "Out." "Good night." "Bye." "Ms. haskell is gone and forgotten." "Next... sack races at the company picnic." "Yes or no?" "Sorry I´m late." "I Iove that top." "Thank you." "The horse shoes." "It´s all about horse shoes." "Excuse me?" "I´m trying to get to a tennis game." "could you please tell me, what is the status of your story, Ms. geiler?" "Oh, uh, great." "totally rufus." "Is this something I possibly could see?" "I--I have some notes." "I don´t need your notes." "I need your story." "Though I must speak for all of us here," "I have seen your tapes." "compelling stuff." "But I want the story in two weeks." "Two weeks, Ms. geiler, or I´II ´"rufus´" you right outta here." "I think you´re going to be a great reporter, but if you aren´t, you and Gus are fired." "Next order of business." "Yes or no?" "hello, you guys." "Hi, guys." "I´m Rob´s prom date." "really?" "Yeah." "Oh, my God." "Wow!" "Yeah...yeah..." "She´s 16 years old, Rob." "I know." "And a gymnast." "Rob, it´s completely and totally illegal." "I´II tell you why, for the following reasons" "Hi." "Hi." "Uh..." "I gotta talk to you." "I need some air." "I´II see you around the cellblock, Mrs. Robinson." "Hey, Rob?" "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "ball player." "Yeah, I know, but, I mean, what if you don´t make it?" "I mean, you don´t want to be working... at the mail place for the rest of your life." "Uh, it´s OK for an after-schooI job, but... ´"Hi, I´m Rob and I run the Tiki Post´"?" "totally lame." "Is this like a lemon meringue pie color or something?" "It´s--it´s, uh..." "Oh, you know what?" "Maybe we should go into another room." "Uh, I´ve checked each and every one of these rooms." "There´s, I mean, serious couples in there." "This is fine." "This is fine." "Someone´s gettin´ hooked up." "Yeah, baby." "Wow." "Rob´s sister is a loser." "Um, please come here." "I need to talk to you about something." "It´s a comfy bed." "OK." "Yeah, it´s nice." "It´s nice." "Uh..." "I know that you´ve probably already heard... that I want to ask you to prom, but, uh... there´s something different about it asking in person." "I know that we didn´t hit it off in the beginning." "And, uh, I--I reaIIy" "Yes." "Yes." "It´s rufus." "Uh..." "Where do I pick you up?" "How do we arrange this?" "What do I do?" "Uh, we can meet here at Rob´s, and we can all share a limousine together." "Thank you." "H-h-have a good evening." "And--and thank you." "Hey, Josie." "Hey, Rob." "Lookin´ good, guys." "Josie, Robster, rufus kegger." "You were wasted." "It´s so unbelievable." "I waited my whole life to fit in, and I finally feel like I do." "You do." "Hey, Rob." "Hi, Josie." "Who did Archie date, Betty or Veronica?" "Yeah, both." "See?" "I always liked Betty better." "really?" "Betty was so fun and spunky." "I mean, Veronica had the great legs." "She was too moody." "Very high maintenance." "You can´t refuse to sell me a ticket to prom!" "Listen, AIpo, we can do whatever we want to." "Oh, I see." "You can´t count change?" "My God, I´II like make it easy, OK?" "Here´s the money." "I´m taking the ticket." "Oh, my God!" "She was mocking us." "Did you see that?" "We got ta make her dog food." "seriously." "She is going down." "Oh, I almost forgot." "I got you a meeting with the admissions guy... from Dartmouth." "Dartmouth?" "But, um..." "I wasn´t going to go to college." "No, no." "I pulled some strings." "And I got them to look at your writing, and, he agreed to meet with you." "You believe in me that much?" "Of course I do, Josie." "You owe it to yourself, to your writing, to go to college." "You are a great writer." "You just have to find your story." "He is your story." "You´re crazy." "No." "No!" "No." "What do you mean no?" "He´s got it aII-- sex, intrigue, immorality in the education system." "He´s my teacher." "Yeah, that´s the best part." "´"Student-teacher relations:" "How close is Too close?" "´"" "Josie, we´re gonna blow the lid off it." "There is no lid." "There´s nothing going on between Sa" "Mr. CouIson and me." "Who are you kidding?" "Everyone in this office is here every day, watching you two." "It´s like the goddamn Young and the restless." "Rigfort is salivating over it." "You pitched this to Rigfort?" "Josie, this isn´t a joke." "You heard Rigfort." "Both our asses are on the line." "Now, this is the story." "call me when you´ve got it." "Josie, you look so..." "Rufus?" "Yes, exactly." "Major rufus." "What are you supposed to be?" "Duh." "Tom Cruise." "Risky Business." "That´s nice." "Thank you for everything, Rob." "It´s all really happening, and I know it´s because of you." "My wallet." "Where are you gonna put it?" "Come on, beautiful." "Let´s go." "Hey, how you doing?" "hello!" "If you don´t hurry, we´re gonna miss the whole thing." "Yeah, we´II talk." "Oh, my God." "You totally ripped off my malibu Barbie idea." "Uh-uh." "I´m Disco Barbie." "And I´m Evening Gown Barbie." "Hey..." "Josie darling, you look rufus." "Who are you guys?" "Wait, wait, wait." "Don´t tell me." "You´re medieval Barbie?" "Get over it." "We´re RosaIind and orlando." "Shakespeare?" "Look, I get to have a sword." "Oh, my God!" "That is so awesome!" "It´s so big." "I want a sword." "AII right, look at this place." "Yeah." "Come on, Iet´s dance." "I´m Tom Cruise." "Hi." "How are you?" "This is the most beautiful prom I´ve ever been to." "Work, work, work." "Work it." "Merk, Merk." "Thanks." "I guess I know..." "Kristin, what are you doing?" "Practicing my surprise face for when they name prom court." "Ohh." "Oh, sorry." "There´s no room at this table." "It´s just too bad for them." "Heh heh heh heh." "Oh, wait." "Iforgot." "A little surprise for ya." "Did I miss the crowning?" "No, but I´m closing the pool in 5 minutes." "Josie´s odds are 3 to 1." "2 to 1 for the prom court." "Even money that that kid pokes himself with the sword... by the end of the evening." "The time is now to start the show..." "OK, maybe we should sit down." "OK." "OK." "Whoa." "No." "Are you having fun yet?" "Uh, yeah." "definitely." "Guess what." "What?" "Gibby gave me champagne." "That´s nice." "Rob..." "I´ve been thinking." "And I think..." "I mean, I know..." "You´re the one." "Oh." "Heh heh." "My penguin." "I want you to be my first." "Once the floor stops spinning," "Oh, God." "Let´s have sex." "You´re gonna hurtyourseIf." "Putthat down." "AII right." "Um..." "tell you what, Tracy." "What?" "I´m flattered..." "But, um..." "I´d say I´m gonna go get some more punch, and then we´II go on the dance floor and boogie." "That´s good." "No." "Oh..." "help." "I´m stuck." "Brett." "You guys, what is the one thing that could ruin my senior prom?" "Heh." "That you would trip on your Barbie heels, and I´d be named prom queen?" "Did I just say that out loud?" "So, who are you supposed to be other than freaks?" "Yeah." "We´re DNA." "double helix." "Oh, but I guess you´d actually know that... if you´d passed Bio." "No, no, no." "Don´t touch the hydrogen." "It´s rented." "Here we go, ladies and gentlemen." "Give it upfor Mr. CouIson and Ms. Knox." "OK, OK." "Enough." "well, our 1999 prom court." "And the princesses are..." "Miss Kristin Davis..." "Miss Kirsten Liosis and Miss Gibby Zerefski." "And the princes are..." "Mr. Thomas SaIomme..." "Mr. Jason Way..." "And Mr. Rob..." "Mr. Rob..." "Mr. Rob!" "Yeah!" "Mr. Rob!" "That´s me!" "Yeah!" "AII right!" "Next up, South glen´s prom king" "Guy Perkins." "Very nice." "And this year´s prom queen" "ladies and gentlemen..." "Josie geiler." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "I knew you could do it, girl." "Yeah!" "And as is custom... the king and the queen... will now have their first dance." "I never made it to my prom." "really?" "I only made it to the parking lot." "tell me what you´re thinking." "I was thinking about Shakespeare." "How he described a night like this." "´"Look how the floor of heaven... is thick inlaid with pateens of bright gold.´"" "What are you thinking about?" "My sword." "Oh." "Heh heh." "Josie, you rock my world." "You´re like the most amazing girl that I´ve ever...dated." "You´re so fun to be with." "You´re smart." "You´re... crazy." "You are..." "You rock my world." "Heh." "You said that already." "Yeah." "Is this chocolate?" "OK." "Hey." "Hi." "Wow." "Josie, you make a really beautiful prom queen." "really?" "Thanks." "So do you." "Heh." "You know, I always feel like kind of a goofball... in these penguin suits," "like I´m at my own wedding or something." "Do you wanna-- do you wanna..." "OK." "hello." "AIdys, I figured since it´s prom," "let´s put all the shit behind us, and I would love nothing more than to dance with you." "AII right." "That´s, of course, if it´s OK with the rest of the double helix." "Yes?" "OK?" "Haven´t had a dream in a Iong time" "See the life I´ve had to make..." "You know what´s funny?" "Proms always make me a little sad." "They´re so final." "You know, graduation, everyone scattering, moving on." "Is your girlfriend here?" "No, no." "I´m alone." "Infact, we broke up last week." "really?" "That´s funny because, you know, actually, prom comes from ´"promenade, ´"" "And you can´t promenade alone, can you?" "You´re amazing, Josie geiler." "Oh, oh." "Come here." "Come on." "Come on." "Have you thought about Dartmouth anymore?" "Yes." "And, um..." "There´s something that I want to tell you." "tell him what?" "!" "No, no, no, not now." "Not now!" "There´s..." "There´s something I want to tell you, too." "No!" "No!" "I knew it." "You are a loser!" "You ruined everything." "You so do not deserve to be prom queen!" "Let me tell you something." "I don´t care... about being your stupid prom queen." "I´m 25 years old!" "I´m an undercover reporter... for the Chicago Sun-Times." "And I have been beating my brains out... trying to impress you people." "Let me tell you something, Gibby," "Kirsten, Kristin, you will spend your lives... trying to figure out how to keep others down... because it makes you feel more important." "Why her?" "Let me tell you something... about this girl." "She is unbelievable." "I was new here, and she befriended me, no questions asked." "But you, you were only my friend... after my brother Rob... posed as a student... and told you to like me." "Robbie Rob?" "Ew." "AII of you peopIe-- there is a big world out there, bigger than prom, bigger than high school, and it won´t matter if you were the prom queen... or the...the quarterback of the football team... or...the biggest nerd in school." "Find out who you are... and try not to be afraid of it." "E-excuse me." "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Yeah!" "That was just like Carrie." "I thought she was gonna kill us all." "AII right, you guys." "Go Rams." "well, all right." "Can somebody take the AIpo girls outside... and hose ´em off?" "South glen class of 1999, are you ready to party?" "!" "hello." "We lost the feed." "Gus is going nuts." "He´s calling every five minutes." "Did you get the story?" "No." "please tell me you got something on CouIson." "No." "I´m just gonna go." "So..." "Surprise." "S-surprise, you were doing a story on me?" "No, I couldn´t." "I mean..." "Surprise, I was hoping..." "What?" "What, you were hoping what?" "What?" "That--that I´d be happy?" "Why?" "Because itturns out I was allowed to be attracted to you?" "You were attracted to me?" "God damn it, Josie, you set me upfor a story." "No, I--I" "Just--just dropthe act." "OK?" "I mean, every word out of your mouth... has been a complete lie." "I don´t know you at all." "Look, if we could just spend some time together, you could get to know me again." "Wait." "please don´t walk away." "I just can´t look at you the same way." "Rob." "Hey, Josie." "Came by to check on you." "I was worried about you." "really?" "No." "Not really." "Not really, Josie." "How could you do this to me?" "I helped you." "I got you everything you wanted." "And how do you repay me?" "You blow everything... two days before the championship." "I wasn´t even thinking." "No, you weren´t." "Did it ever occur to you that the only time I´ve been happy... in the past five years is when I´m playing ball, when I´m part of a team?" "Josie, it´s not even about playing." "I taught those guys things," "I helped them." "My life had meaning." "I..." "Justforget about it." "It´s over." "Back to the Tiki Post." "totally lame." "Josie geiler blows her cover." "And we were scooped." "We´ve got nothing." "Zippo." "Josie, you totally and completely screwed both of us." "Maybe--maybe I couId talk to Rigfort, tell him the whole story." "You know, I´II tell you a story, OK?" "It´s about this shy copy editor... who makes a total mockery of herself and her boss... when she completely botches... her first assignment as a reporter." "We are not...screwed." "Yes, I made a mistake." "But we will have a story, OK?" "You will have an amazing story." "please." "Oh, please." "Oh, please." "Excuse me, gentlemen." "I suggest you cover up what you don´t want seen." "Thank you." "Coach Romano?" "Yeah." "I´m Josie geiler from the Chicago Sun-Times, and I have a favor to ask you." "Do you know the sports guy--Jim Lankin?" "Sure." "Everybody knows Big Jim." "They try to get him to come out and watch all their games." "Why?" "well, what if I told you... that I can guarantee you that Big Jim... and every other reporter in the area... would cover your game?" "well, I´d say you could have whatever you wanted, young lady." "Someone once told me... that to write well, you have to write what you know." "This is what I know" "I´m 25 years old, and I have never really kissed a guy." "A geek to the core, most of my childhood years were spent... doing extra homework I requested from the teacher." "High school was more of the same." "Then, at 17, it seemed as if my luck was aboutto change." "The cutest guy asked me to the senior prom, but it turned out he invited me as a cruel joke, and I have never fully recovered." "Yes, it is embarrassing to share this with the world, but it wouId be hard to explain... what I Iearned and how I Iearned it... without sharing this humiliating history." "I received an assignment, my first as a reporter, to go back to high school and find out about kids today." "What I ended up finding was myself... and that high school hasn´t changed." "There´s still that one teacher who marches to her own drummer." "Those girls are still there, the ones that, even as you grow up, will remain the most beautiful girls... you have ever seen close up." "The smart kids, who everyone else knew as ´"the brains, ´"" "but I just knew them as my soul mates, my teachers, my friends." "And there´s still that one guy... with his mysterious confidence... who seems so perfect in every way." "The guy you get up and go to school for in the morning." "South glen would not have been the same without him." "High school would not have been the same without him." "I would not have been the same without him." "I lived a lifetime of regret... after my first high school experience." "And now, after my second, my regrets are down to one." "A certain teacher was hurt on my path to seIf-discovery, and although this article may serve as a step, it in no way makes up for what I did to him." "To this man..." "You know who you are..." "I am so sorry." "And I would Iike to add one more thing..." "Movers!" "Hang on a second." "I think I am in love with you." "And so I propose this-- as an ending to this article and perhaps a beginning... to the next chapter of my Iife," "I, Josie geiler, will be at the state championship baseball game, where myfriends, the South glen Rams, are playing for the title." "I will stand on the pitcher´s mound for five minutes prior to the first pitch." "If this man accepts my apology," "I ask him to come kiss me... for my first real kiss." "Thank you all for coming." "Josie." "Oh, my God." "There are so many people here." "It´s great, Josie." "They´re behind you." "They feel like they know you." "It´s romantic what you´re doing, and they want to be a part of it." "well, I´m glad that you guys are." "Oh, Anita." "Sweet Jesus, geiler." "I had no idea... there´d be this many TV crews here." "You have held up your end of this bargain." "I want you to get out there and get him." "Josie..." "Josie..." "Josie..." "Josie..." "Yay, Josie!" "Josie!" "We love you!" "Thankyou." "Um, may I have five minutes on the clock, please?" "Wieners." "I got hotwieners." "Hiya, Mr. Rigfort." "Get in your own row!" "Gotwieners here." "Thank you." "Have a wiener." "Ahh..." "I Iove this." "Sun-Times readers out here en masse, relating personally to one of our reporters." "It´s amazing, isn´t it?" "That is so wrong." "Hey." "well, it´s been building up inside of me" "For, oh, I don´t know how long" "I don´t know why, but I keep thinking" "Something´s bound to go wrong" "But she looks in my eyes" "And makes me realize" "And she says" "Don´tworry, baby" "Don´tworry, baby" "Don´tworry, baby" "Everything will turn out all right" "Don´tworry, baby" "Don´tworry, baby" "Don´tworry, baby" "Sorry I´m late." "It took meforever to get here." "I know what you mean." "AII right." "That a girl." "AII right, Iet´s play ball, kids!" "Yeah." "Come on!" "Monday mornin´ came too soon" "I think about you now, Iayin´ in my room" "Hearin´ everything you said" "I play it back a hundred times in my head" "But then I slip into a dream" "feeling inside, that´s 10 stories high" "Never knew what love was" "until you loved me" "Never knew what love was" "Oh, yeah" "´Cause it feels so good sometimes" "Don´tyou know that iffeeIs so bad sometimes" "The way you love me, love me" "La-Ia-Ia-Iove the way you love me, love me" "Oh....yeah" "Ooh, aaah" "Yeah, yeah" "You know that I wantyou" "You know that I need you" "Never knew what love was" "until you loved me" "Never knew what love was" "Ooh, yeah" "´Cause it feels so good sometimes" "Don´tyou know it feels so bad sometimes" "The way you love me, love me"