" Heh." " Huh-huh." "[Slow rock music]" "♪ ♪" "Due to a new school board edict, we will not be running ball-handling drills today." "We will be building empathy." "Do you know what empathy is, Butt-Head?" "Uh, is that, like, something to do with ball-handling?" "[Both laughing]" "Shut up!" "Empathy." "Empathy is when you feel what someone else is feeling." "Do you understand?" "Uh, feel someone else?" "[Both laughing]" "Shut up!" "Now, you will take these self-esteem work sheets, and you will make copies." "Uh, you mean, like, with the copy machine?" "Yeah, yeah." "Cool." "[Both laughing]" "Yes." "But let me be clear." "You will only copy the work sheet." "You will not copy your butts again." "Do you understand, Beavis?" "Um." "Heh." "So, um, do not copy my butt?" "Say it again!" "Do not copy my butt." "Heh-heh." "Again!" "Do not copy my butt." "[Both laughing]" " Do not copy my butt." " Huh-huh." "Do not copy my butt." "[Both laughing]" "I can't hear you." "Huh-huh." "Do not copy my butt!" "[Both laughing]" "Do not copy my butt." "Heh-heh." "Do not copy my butt." "Heh." "Heh-heh." "Do not copy my butt." "Do not copy my butt." "Do not copy my butt." "Heh-heh." "Do not copy my butt." "Heh-heh." "Do not copy my butt." "Do not copy my butt." "Do not copy my butt." "Heh-heh." "Do not copy my butt." "Do not copy my butt." "Do not copy my butt." "Copy my butt." "Copy my butt." "Copy my butt." "My butt." "My butt." "My butt." "My..." " Hey, Beavis." "Huh-huh." " Heh." "You know what would be cool?" "You should, like, copy your butt." " Heh." " Huh-huh." "Heh-heh." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "[Both laughing]" "Get up here..." "heh." "[Glass breaks] [Screams]" " Huh-huh." " Aah!" "Ow!" "That was cool." " My butt!" "Aah!" " Huh-huh." "My name's Andrew." "I'm 27 years old, and I have a foot fetish." "Heh." "Foot fetish?" "What is that?" "Uh, I think that's, like, where chicks' feet give you a boner." "Huh-huh." "Heh." "You mean just from looking at 'em?" "Uh..." "Yeah." "Huh-huh." "And I think sometimes they, like, touch 'em." "And, like, queer off with their feet." "Huh-huh." "Whoa." "Really?" "What if kids see this?" "Heh-heh." " Are you in your room?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "Is there anybody around?" " No." " "Is there anybody around?"" "Do you have your feet?" "[Both laughing]" "And what are your feet wearing?" "Heh-heh." " Oh, nice." " Heh." " Sexy." " Eh." "Heh-heh." "Uh, I gotta say, Butt-Head, I've seen better... better feet, you know?" "Heh-heh." "You know, it's MTV, you know." "Heh-heh." "I can't wait to meet you." "Bye-bye." "Oh, good." "She's gone." "Now I can get back to foot-tube." "Huh-huh." "Huh-huh." "[Both laughing]" "Gettin' ready to roll out of here," "Head to the airport." "[Screeches]" "This guy's like, "hey, what do you say we go over to airport security, and watch people take their shoes off?" huh-huh." "[Both laughing]" "Yeah, he should get a job there." "Heh-heh." "Then he could get paid to have a boner all day long." "Huh-huh." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "That would be cool." "Heh." "I'm so into her already." "Welcome to your final resting place." "Huh-huh." "Huh-huh." " Uh-oh." "Uh-oh." " [Squeals]" "All right, all right, come on." "Heh." "Come on, let's get busy." "Come on." "Heh-heh." "Come on!" "Come on, her butt is right there." "Come on!" "Heh-heh." "It's right there." "Yeah, come on!" "Heh-heh." "We should, like, make a deal with this guy, that while he's playing with her feet, we can, like," "Uh, you know, play around with the rest of her." "Huh-huh." "[Both laughing]" "You're gonna be late for work." " I already am." " [Laughs]" " Uh, where does he work?" " Heh-heh." "Yeah, really." "Heh-heh." "I wanna say, I love you, Leslie." "[Death metal music] [Growling]" "Uh, I guess that's his job." "Huh-huh." "He goes down to the Red Robin and growls." "Huh-huh." "[Growling]" "[Growling] Kramer, party of three, your table is ready!" "[Normal voice] Heh-heh." "Thanks." "Thank you very much." "Yeah." "Heh-heh." "I'll be here all week." "[Both laughing]" " Ah!" "Ow!" " Huh-huh." "Your butt went through the glass." "Huh-huh." "Ah!" "Ah, I can't move." "Ah!" "It's going to be okay." "Now, Butt-Head, you have a very important role here." "You need to keep your friend calm." "Just take his hand." "Uh, no, thanks." "Uh, hurry up and get that moron out of there." "I need that copier fixed." "Oh." "Sir, we can't move him." "His femoral artery may be cut." "I just can't see." "The only way to look is by moving him off the copier." "But if we move him, he could bleed out." "Uh, I know a way to look." "Huh-huh." "Yeah, what's that?" "You could copy his butt." "Huh-huh." "Heh-heh." "Yeah, that would be cool." "Ow!" "I don't care about the risk to that idiot." "If you don't get him out, you risk 30 kids in my class failing a standardized test." "Now, pull him out and fix it." "Yes." "And I need those self-esteem flyers." "Okay, okay, look, here's what we can do." "We'll take the upper carriage of the copier off, and we'll move him with it." "Ah." "Ow." "Anything else is too risky." "Tom, go get the jaws of life." "W-w-w-whoa." "Hold on a second." "Oh, thank god you're here." "You take that carriage off, your gonna be waiting a long time for your tests and flyers and such." "That baby's gonna take three days to repair, minimum." "You're gonna die." "Huh-huh." "Ow." "Heh-heh." "I'm here live at Highland high school, where a local teenager is still trapped in the copieier." "The only thing holding his femoral artery together is a shard of glass stuck in his rectum." " Ow!" " As you can see behind me, these brave firemen will be using the jaws of life to extract him, but don't think for one second that this will be resolved easily." "There will be dangers throughout." "And this young teenager could bleed out and die at any moment." "Heh." "You start sawing through that thing, you can say good-bye to your toner and light generator, too." "And don't count on seeing a test or a menu till next week." " Ah." "Ow." " Well, we either saw through the machine, or we saw through the boy." "Uh, I say saw through the boy." "Huh-huh." "That would be cool." " Heh-heh." " Just pull him out." "No, no, the school is liable." " You gotta be kidding me." " This is ridiculous." "Just do it!" " No, no..." " Get him out of there." "I want to see your female artery." "Huh-huh." "What are you doing?" "No, no, no, no!" "Heh-heh." "Cut it out, Butt-Head." " Huh-huh." " Aah!" "Ow, my butt!" "Ow!" "Huh-huh." " Ah!" " Eh, I guess it wasn't his femoral artery." "Looks like it's just lacerations to the rectum." "Huh-huh." "Although he is now out of the copier..." " Ow, my butt!" " Do not think for one second that this young teenager's saga is over." "Ow!" "[Electronic music]" "How come they're showing all these guys' crotches?" "Heh-heh." "Uh, I think this is, like, a masturbation experiment." "Huh-huh." "Yeah." "Heh." "Yeah, it's about time, you know, 'cause, um, heh..." "I've always been saying they need to have more funds" "For masturbation research." "Yeah." "Heh-heh." "Uh, yeah, really." "Huh-huh." "The chinese are killing us." "[Both laughing]" "Masturbation frequency dialed in." "Huh-huh." "Yeah, yeah, heh." "Yeah, you know," "It's about time they spend my tax dollars" "On something I can use." "Know what I'm saying?" "Heh-heh." "My masturbation helmet doesn't have naked chicks in it." "Heh-heh." "Uh, you have a masturbation helmet?" "Huh-huh." "I mean, it's a football helmet," "But, you know, safety first, you know." "Heh-heh." "Uh, okay, Beavis." "Huh-huh." "You have now masturbated." "Heh-heh." "Congratulations." "You may go, but leave the helmet." "[Both laughing]" "Mm-hmm." "You masturbated, huh?" "Uh-huh." "[Both laughing]" "Whoa!" "Heh-heh." "He has to use the same helmet as that other guy?" "Heh-heh." "Yeah." "The doctor's like," ""No, no." "No one used this before." "It's brand-new." Huh-huh." "Well, why is it all steamy?" "[Both laughing]" "Those are special gasses we use to enhance the masturbation." "[Both laughing]" "Uh, so that's this guy's fantasy?" "Huh-huh." "Heh." "Yeah, what kind of sick bastard is fantasizing about this?" "Heh-heh." "On my tax dollars!" "Yeah." "Heh-heh." "Yeah." "Huh-huh." "I think it's part of the stimulus package." "Uh, huh-huh." "I wonder if, like, after you're done, you could use that helmet to, like, watch Meet The Fockers or something." "Heh-heh." "That would be cool." "Heh-heh." "Don't think for even a second that the trauma and tragedy of this amazing rescue has abated." "I'm interviewing noted tv psychologist and diet expert" "Dr. Jean shepard about the long road to recovery ahead." "Tell us, Dr. Shepard, what challenges will young Beavis face when he is reintegrated into society?" "It's going to be a long road, Jim." "The life Beavis knew before is over." "Even in the best-case scenario, he will not only be scarred rectally, he will be scarred psychologically as well." "from Highland high school," "I am a very relieved Jim Baxley." "Back to you, Miguel." "Ow." "Oh." "Ah!" "Heh." "Ow." "Damn it." "Now, those stitches will dissolve on their own." "Huh-huh." " Heh-heh." " Yeah, into his butt." " Oh, yeah." "Heh-heh." "Ow." " Huh-huh." "I guess that's it, everybody." "[Both laughing]" "Uh, you're lucky that you almost died, or you would be in big trouble." "Uh, if you ever try to copy your butt again," "I will have you expelled from the entire school system!" "Um, heh." "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Heh." "Don't copy my butt." "Heh-heh." "Don't copy my butt." "Heh-heh." "Yeah." "I wonder what my butt looks like with all those stitches." "Heh-heh." "Huh-huh." "Let's see here..." "Probably looks like a baseball." "Huh-huh." "Damn it." "Heh-heh." "Can't see 'em." "Heh-heh." "Uh..." "Hey, Beavis, why don't you take a picture of it?" "Huh-huh." "Heh." "Oh, yeah, yeah." " Huh-huh." " Yeah, yeah," "That's a good idea, yeah." "Get up here, and just..." "[Glass breaks]" "[Screams] Ow!" "Huh-huh." "Ow!" "Huh-huh." "Dumbass." " Ah!" "Ah!" " Huh-huh." "[Slow rock music]" "♪ ♪" "Huh-huh." "Uh, hey, Beavis, huh-huh." "Will you, like, open this right in front of your face?" " Um, heh." " Huh-huh." "You mean like, um, heh." "[Screams]" " Huh-huh." " Ah!" "Ow!" "It's burning my eyes!" "Ow!" "Huh-huh." "Ow." "Heh." "[Both laughing]" "Ow." "Heh-heh." "That was cool." "Huh-huh." "Yeah, that was cool." "[Both laughing] Dumbass." "Huh-huh." "Ah." "Heh-heh." "Come on, Cristal, no one's here." "Let's try the basketball courts." "I know a couple of dealers who hang out there." "Hang on, I think I see just what we need." "Ah." "That guy is tweaking, for sure." "Heh-heh, ah." "Are you holding, sugar?" "Um, heh." "Uh, wow, yeah!" "Heh." "Yeah, I am holding." "Heh." "See?" "Heh." "Yeah." "Heh-heh." "I am holding." "Well, that's great, sugar, because I really need to score." " Heh-heh." " Huh-huh." "Oh, yeah?" "Heh-heh." " Uh, you do?" "Huh-huh." " Well, heh-heh." "I am holding." "Heh-heh." "I need you to come with me, though." "Is that all right?" "Yeah." "We can do this wherever you want, baby." " Heh-heh." "Oh, yeah." "Heh-heh." " Huh-huh." " Heh." "Boi-oi-oing!" " Huh-huh." "Great." "[Both laughing]" "Just get in the van." "Whoa." "Is she gonna do it, too?" " Heh." "Yeah, yeah!" " Huh-huh." "Hell, yeah." "She just can't get enough." "[Both laughing]" "The moon." "Huh-huh." "[Both laughing]" "I feel like he's dysfunctional." "Heh." "Is that Snooki in there?" "Heh-heh." "Oh, it's Deena." "Oh, god." "Heh-heh." "Huh-huh." "I don't care for Deena." "Huh-huh." "[Both laughing] You know, you can just throw anything at these Guidos, and they'll do something with it... you know, like a ball, you know, and then a box, you know." "Heh-heh." "Uh, I think that's the box that that ball came in, from the other episode." "Huh-huh." "It just so happens that Deena defies the law of intelligence." "Whoa." "There's a law of intelligence?" "Heh-heh." "Uh, yeah." "Huh-huh." "You better hire a lawyer, Beavis." "Huh-huh." "Cardboarard box." "Come on." "[Sad rock music]" "Please." "Heh." "Oh, did they break up?" "Heh-heh." "Uh, yeah." "They both wanted to see other Guidos." "Huh-huh." "I go to sleep in my own bed tonight, alone." "Huh-huh." "She sleeps alone for the first time ever." "Huh-huh." "She's like, um, "luckily, I sleep in the smush room."" "Heh-heh." "Yeah, heh-heh." "Yeah, huh-huh." "There's always plenty of Guidos coming in and out of there." "Huh-huh." "She'll be fine." "[Both laughing]" " So are we gonna do it here?" " Yeah, yeah!" "Heh." "Here is good, yeah." "Let's do it." "No, Gary wouldn't trust us with the money." "But don't worry." "You'll get paid." " Whoa." " Yeah, yeah." "We don't expect you to just give it to us for free." "Lessen you wants to." " Hey!" " Oh!" "Damn it, Sapphire, stay on the damn road!" "[Laughing] I'm just saying, if they want to give us a little taste, where's the harm?" " She makes a good point." " Yeah, yeah!" "I mean, you know, I like getting paid, you know," "But, um, heh..." "Yeah." "I don't see anything wrong with a little taste." "Come to Butt-Head." "[Both laughing]" "[Horn honks, tires screech] Uh!" "Get back and drive." "Damn it!" "Nobody is tasting nothin' till we get to the set." "The set?" "We're doing a porno." "I'm a porn star." "[Chuckles] Sapphire thinks she's a porn star, but she's really just a fluffer." "Shut up, whore!" "Whoa." "You're a porn star?" "Hell, yeah." " Then let's get to the set." " Oh, yeah." "[Both laughing]" "There's gonna be some holding, you know what I'm saying?" "[Both laughing]" "Hey, y'all." "This here's Beavis and Butt-Head." "Yes!" "The stars of the party are here." "[Smooches]" "Whoa!" "These guys already know we're porn stars." " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Heh." " Huh-huh." "Yeah, and we haven't even done it yet." "Now we can start." "Tim, do you have it fixed yet?" "I'm trying." "I told you, we really needed a dual-band HD-streaming router and I told you, we don't have enough money." "It was either go to the office supply store or get drugs." "I made an executive decision, and I stand by it." "[Knock at door] Gary..." "What are you and your friends doing in there?" "Nothing, ma!" "Do you and your friends want some sandwiches?" "Shut up!" "Man..." "[Laughs] I love crank, especially chasin' that white dragon." "What exactly are you guys holding'?" "Break it out!" " Uh, you want to see my crank?" " Um, heh." " Huh-huh." " Yeah, um, heh..." "I don't show my white dragon to dudes." "Yeah, heh-heh." "Sorry." "Uh..." "You've never shown it to chicks either, dumbass." "Huh-huh." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Um, heh." "But I don't show it to dudes on purpose." "Heh." "See what I'm sayin'?" "Not even in the gym." "Come on, guys, break out the stuff." "Yeah, this better be good stuff, better than the dual-band router I was gonna get." "Break out the drugs." "Uh, what are you talking about?" "We don't have any drugs." " No drugs?" " And no router?" "I thought you said you found someone!" "She probably did it all behind our backs." " [Shrieks]" " Aw, man!" " Uh, hey!" "So do we do it now?" " Yeah, um, heh..." "Yeah, we should probably get goin' on this." "Heh-heh." "Make him work." "He's tired." "Make him work." "He's tired." "Cool." "Huh-huh." "A fight." "Huh-huh." "So, um, are they actually at Dave  Buster's?" "Heh-heh." "Uh, no." "I think, like, if you knock someone out on top of that Dave  Buster's logo, you get, like, free cheese sticks or something." "Huh-huh." "[Indistinct shouting]" "Heh-heh." "I can never tell what they're yelling." "Heh-heh." "Yeah, I don't even know how these guys are supposed to hear any of this." "It just sounds like..." "[Imitates shouting]" "[Imitates shouting] Kick him in the nads!" "Yeah!" "Poke his eyes!" "[Continues imitating shouting]" ""Eat, drink, play!"" "[Indistinct shouting]" " Whoa!" " Ooh!" "Right in the nads." "Heh-heh." "This guy's like, "okay, now, your body is telling you something's wrong."" "Huh-huh." " And answer back, okay?" " Heh." "Whoa, they're all worried about this dude?" "Heh-heh." "Is your foot okay?" "Did you break your toe on his schlong?" "Huh-huh." "Wes!" "Deep... three breaths." "Deep breaths." "Breathe through your nose, out your mouth." "He's so dumb, they had to tell him how to breathe." "Huh-huh." "Heh-heh." "In through your nose, out through your mouth..." "that's it." "Huh-huh." "The nose is the one on top." "Winner by majority decision, McSweeney." "Yeah!" "[Applause]" "Heh." "You can't beat iron schlong McSweeney." "Yeah." "Heh-heh." "Okay, now, come get your tokens, guys." "[Both laughing]" " Damn it!" " Where are the drugs?" "You said they had drugs!" "He told me he was holding!" "Look at the way he talks." "Yeah?" "I thought he was tweaking." "[Knock at door]" "Gary, what's with all the yelling?" " Not now, ma!" " Come on..." "What's going on, Butt-Head?" "How come everybody's, like," "Talking instead of doing it?" "Heh-heh." "Uh, oh, no." "This must be the story part of the porno." "Damn it!" "[Both laugh]" "I hate that part!" "[Knock at door] Not now, ma!" "Okay, everybody freeze." "What's going on in here?" "Nothing, I swear." "Just makin' a movie." "Actually, nothing illegal is going on." "We're making an adult film." "But all my performers are over 18." "And there are no drugs here, none at all." "Uh, can you dumbasses get done with all this talking, story crap, so we can start doing it with the chicks?" "Yeah, this story really sucks." "Heh-heh." "The dialogue is horrible." "[Both laugh]" "Yeah, I mean, most porn is bad, but this one is really bad." "[Both laugh]" "Yeah, come on, we're ready to be porn stars." "Heh-heh." "I'm ready for my closeup..." "[Both laugh]" "Of my butt." "[Both laugh]" "These two don't look 18." "Uh, that's because we're not." "Yeah, heh." "Butthole." "[Both laugh]" "Looks like you're under arrest." "Oh, oh." "No, no, no." "Tha... that's" "Beavis and b... and..." "and Butt-Head." "They're not performers." "Yeah, right." "Beavis and Butt-Head..." "sounds like porn names to me." "We're gonna figure all this out downtown." "There you go." " Gary, what's going on?" " Not now, ma!" "Damn it, this sucks!" "Heh-heh." "Uh, yeah, but this story part's gonna be over pretty soon, and then we're gonna do it with those chicks." "Oh, yeah." "[Both laugh]" "Don't worry, boys." "You'll be placed into protective custody." "Yeah." "Huh-huh." "Protection." "[Both laugh] Oh, yeah." "You know, I always imagined my first time would be like this." "[Heavy rock music] Boi-oi-oing!" "[Both laugh]"