"welcome to Oxnard California population two hundred thousand it's a city with very diverse culture the popular local catchphrase is going hard in the 'nard this maybe a tribute that Oxnard's not above average crime-ry very crime has a victim and ever victim has story of strength, struggle, love" "this is the tale of Oliver Barns and it begins with Oliver stoned" "[music plays]" "well, hi there sexy lady welcome, please select the wash" "ooum" "[speaks Chinese]" "son of a bitch oh fuck" "yo Oliver what the f' is going on here, bro?" "why is interior of Acura soaked?" "no that's the part of dangerous package don't bullshit me, dawg" "I know you're out enjoy riding this car you took this to hand ,free of Victoria , didn't you?" "yeah, if I paid for it so who cares are you high?" "no then why your eyes are so red uh, the shampoo,.... [blows raspberry] shot at face" "you see space between my finger?" "that space represent how close you're being fired." "that's for shizzle, my man!" "so sorry you had to see that." "I thought I was speeding the process by getting car washed first." "I didn't know miss Jones lest the sunroof open" "I can't be blame for that -ofcourse you can't be blame for that, you cant be blame for anything that the magic of Oliver never responsible for his actions who thinks the car get washed with windows down" "alright, fine, I'll do better, um why don't you put me on the phones forget it, you'd be calling for pizzas ,checking the correct time here, you know what?" "hit the streets!" "oh, dad why am I on flier duty?" "you need to start take advantage of the opportunity that you given 'cus if you don't , mark my words they will disappear" "oh, and Oliver" "yeah -could you please call me Jeff the whole dad thing makes me out to be kinda old and weird you know, cus we're a dangerously cool dudes" "[chair noises] 'kay is this broke?" "did you send my chair?" "com'on down the dangerous details danger is in the detail first visit free" "oh excuse me miss" "I'm not interested are you sure?" "I'm very detail oriented, I'll do good job fine, I'll take one but only cus my boyfirend drives a really bitchin' car yeah, we don't really do free details for your boyfirend" "pussy -no, c'mon man, shit" "the devil what?" "the devil is the detail, you get you're whole slogan ass backwards have some pride in your marketing -well, it's not my slogan, it's my dad's, it's his comapny" "what you got there, chief -marijuana you probably shoudn't partake seeing as how you working and all -yeah, well yolo, it's something right" "I love you yolo how is he?" "he's good -would you say hello for me sure man, whatever you say budd" "you know, what?" "I see alot of myself in you the way you carry yourself oh, yeah, how so well, I don't normally like to dispense advice here on bench it's not safe, um but if you wanna come back with me to my tent" "I can probably teach you a thing or two" "about life -yes screw that, I got dreams to follow" "I have dreams had" "but what life is good" "c'mon, who's gonna get it who's gonna get it" "hello who are you?" "why do you have ladder?" "oh, you guys are the painters" "__works, hold on that shit's really hard to paint, like all the lines are really strange" "I always wanted me something like paint brush and what you do with that what's in the India like?" "is it, is it spicey?" "oh, you guys forgot your paint romantic ram?" "what the," "hey, hey, that's my joint." "he wore skinny jeans my father wear skinny jeans, we nothing, you don't think that's kinda strange, right?" "are you guy wear a __bat?" "let me show you my skateboard" "I'm okay" "Oliver -yo, Benson, I have an emergency." "my favorite drug dealer -weed dealer" "what's up with those guys?" "they are my new Indian friends" "I don't really had them break to the language barrier yet so I just call 'em dagger and bloodline hey, do you have any more that platinum blue dream that I love?" "sorry, I all out." "seriously you're kidding me, right?" "do I ever lie?" "did you cry dyr__act__ium for dream?" "no" "why your dad leaved your mom?" "she left him, I blame myself was there ever a time in your life you think you're gay?" "not fully, but I sense bi-curiosity in high school." "what inch is your penis?" "3 and half inches" "what, how do get so much action?" "it's not the size of dog, it's how you walk it." "wow it's been very revealing morning" "come on in -thank you, why are you of work?" "it's the strangest thing, Jeff just gave me the day off" "c'mon, man, you're afraid to wake up one day all old and alone wishing you had family and kids babys to kick it with hell, no, I'm not a commitment guy" "I swim solo like a shark that doesn't sound like shark to me bet you got some secrets hidden away truth's out there, man hey" "I live a life of transparency to set an example an example that the human race should treat one another yeah, I am leading a movemont to truth you should join us -um" "I'm serious, I bet the government you know government is keeping record all of stuff you do in internet?" "I bet that the NSA has more info on you that a _stazi had on east Germans" "Oliver you better not seen on that coach smoking weed with those mexicans shit, hide that stuff, quick, grab it" "oh, hey, jeniffer, what's up?" "what's up?" "fuck you,that's what's up." "how many times I've told you not to smoke with these Mexican painters they're totally Indian how are you even confusing us to?" "we are payning them by the hour you're litrealy, costing me money right now." "yeah, that's right you enchilada tikka masalas let's go, let's get out here, c'mon you know, when you pay people in hourly rate, they're tend to take their time speatialy when you treat'em like shit" "then maybe you're lazy ass shouldn't gotten up actually done something around here,oh like,I don't know painted the house let's not having dick showing contest" "I bet you spend all day at club house pool, am I right?" "f you, Olive, I have errands to run, for Jeff." "oh, in a bathing suit face it you do last than I do oh, I seriously doubt that" "I'm the head of marketing and offical spokesmodel [snaps] at dangerous details we're ripped through the competition we pick up detail and leave your vehicle at top speed for lighening cheap prices call us today you get you first detail free" "come on down to dangerous details where the danger is in the detail bitch please don't act that you run this place you seipt with my dad for his money we all know you had sex with Benson senior year for some coke" "it's true,those were some dark days!" "[doors shut]" "Oliver better not bail on work to sit on that couch smoke weed with your loser friend Benson hey, look at that banging babe" "you're fresht, cus I'm gonna take to lauch girl" "on the way to launch -okay, fine but I'am picking why don't I ever get to pick?" "cus, I have better taste in foot oh, Benson, what's up bro?" "oh, slowly can I get Oliver alone for a minute?" "outside sure, whatever what we will do next little _lines blood" "I'll ask __him thunderthought, winner" "look Oliver" "I've been talking with Jenn and this arrangement is not working what arrangement?" "you, work, the house you're not take any of it serious it's time for you to go stay with your mother have some mom time, wouldn't that be nice?" "fuck that" "Tuscan's a hellhole" "I have one bad day, I've slipped off, I can get back on my feet you've had serveral bad day and you know what I don't see you doing anything to fix it" "I've been living the dream,you know, what made you think I can't keep count it's not my fault, it's the economy, you know outsourcing everything's going robotic now you know social networking has literally changed the game" "alright enogh excuses" "I need you to get all stuff together, so you can be out by end of next week please dad, I mean please Jeff don't send me to Tuscan" "I've fuck up fliers, and I know that milf's car but I can do better, just give me more shot to show my value we're the dangerously cool guys, right?" "you fucked up the fliers, how did you fucked up the fliers you just had to hand 'em out okay, get up, c'mon get up, enough with theatrics stop being such pussy bro the ms road call the butters frigging Mercury okay" "she want's the whole dangerous package -the answer is yes anything but Tuscan" "I don't wanna see you at all this weekend, you got it?" "Jennifer and I need a little alone time, haven't been physical in awhile so i need you to hook a brother up, okay?" "uhm is that a deal?" "(promise me)is so good this is like the best, this is probably is top five best weed I ever smoked hey, that's reminds me, your dad's a dick" "Jennifer's a racist, that shit hurt my feelings, okay yo, I don't really think they understand your profession or you for that matter you're a complicated guy they don't have to make fun of me, that's what I saying" "I'm sorry Ben, I walk _angels__ with that dude" "you want this -nah, thanks, I'm good plus you really need it more than I do anyway" "sorry, dude." "[imitates explosion]" "later -later" "outside handle" "I got it" "olvier, my sweet, thanks for coming on such short notice oh, not a problem ma'am,it's my job after all you know what I mean?" "I sure do" "well, here's the car -wow this thing's super sweet what's the need for dangerous details if you must know I had small fling with hot young ticket and we spread love juice on the backseat" "[sniffs] oh, I wish he were as masculine as you sweet thing that is pretty disgusting" "I'll see what I can do, when do you need it by?" "Monday, my husband coming back and he will flip his lid if he finds another man's DNA on the backseat if you know what I mean?" "I do you made that quite clear" "Oliver you're such sweet boy say, do you think I can get 50 bucks up front" "I need to get special leather scrubbed for that interior" "I love ice cream shut the fuck up, cus I cus I'm working today, this is supposed to be my day off oh, that's my fault you can find your own damn right of a party, cus I'm done doing your shit" "yo, what's this dude's deal?" "is he selling ice cream or what?" "you, what up?" "homie this dude hella pissed, been screaming at his phone for 30 minutes piece of shit, you know what?" "I'm done buy your ... face makeup okay?" "so f you dad." "what you dickheads want?" "yeah, hi, I know this might be a strange request but you have a beef sticks or slim jims this is a ice cream truck not a meat wagon look baby D, just bust out for 'em chaco tacos" "me and homie got the munchies like Mf'r right now alright, I got three, so 6 bucks can you give'm, dawg" "I'll hit your (last night ?" ") paycheak oh, sure can you break a 50?" "what the f this look like?" "(walmoo)?" "I can't take a fifty, go get some change" "can I get change for fifty?" "are you buy anything here?" "[chink]" "yo, you little puck ass the liquor store has the same ice cream for have to .... [slowly]fuck" "you in there?" "ice cream driver bummer" "I was just starting to like the guy too you know only it's takes almost 2 seconds jimmy the lock on Mercury and another fifteen to get started over hundred cars are stolen every weeks most of witch never returned to their owners" "what fuck did I do?" "fuck" "operator yeah I need to talk to my friend Benson do you have a lastname sir?" "he never told me could you ran off a few options?" "not sure I'm allowed to say -fuck" "I'm fucking high what's the number for the cops?" "that would be 911, sir." "can you describe the vehicle?" "there was a 55 Mercury." "you know the model?" "I'm not a fucking engineer language it was a vintage car and have love stains in the backseat how many of those old Mercury driving around?" "you don't like the type of guy that be driving classic car you more look like a bike guy" "are sure missing a bike?" "what?" "no fuck you." "hey language" "I wasn't riding a bike" "I never learned how so you got an incomplete childhood" "are you high?" "no" "I've been cry for the stupid car uhh" "what's that in your pocket?" "it's nothing it's a tumor here, hold this one for me, will you?" "hey, what are you ding?" "its not my __fire__ oh, my, my look what we have here." "that's not mine [sniffs] purple urbpall used to smoke dupe like these back in the 80s c'mon man, I worked hard for that." "get the f out." "wait, what about the car?" "we probably won't find it, but if we hear anything we'll give you a call." "can I get a ride?" "[tires screeching]" "yo, chocolate Chaco Taco." "did you see someone go down by the ice cream truck?" "oh, what up?" "homie you dressed mister dog better hell you give a free treats for everyone." "do you take the car I was driving?" "oh, man, you got a car?" "for, you should get me a ride to state park." "no, what?" "my car was stolen, did you see who took it?" "I don't know." "I don't really pay a attention to things." "damn it!" "hey you seem upset." "I am" "I'm fucking pissed my highness wearing off." "oh, you smoke?" "that's cool, uh do you wanna go burn a bar?" "oh, my goodness, I'd love to." "right' on, brother." "[fake cough] so" "you've got some good shit?" "have any sh..." "I don't have any shit, you're the ... you at ... hey, my bad bro that was a communical misunderstanding." "bu dude, we should get back at that fool for taking your weed take his ice cream." "I should've steal the whole f'ing truck oh, there you go big dawg." "now that is a MF'ing come up he steals your weed and you steal his ride." "pay it forward" "dumbass, he didn't even get a chaco taco ." "damn it." "what the fuck?" "alright take two." "shit, shit welcome back to machine treason." "for those of you who just tuning in our weekend topic is the ununki a shape shifting (abrasive?" ") reptilian humanoid hiding in plain sight as our world leaders are they real?" "let's go for Mark Calloway from Fort Worth, Texas" "I believe that these dinosaurs__oid lives under Ground they're using earth core as heat source like a the second son well, I ... [knocking on the door]" "Benson, it's Oliver, I'm freaking out, I need you uh, Mark Calloway from Texas, I have to call you back." "they have some military base on dark side of the moon." "if you pot my sorry machine treason, protecting mankind from the Man we will return shortly." "fuck man." "come on man just let me in okay aside from terorizeing my podcast what the hell doing in my house?" "this isn't a pickup service, deliveries only what's it to do with those girls?" "they're my employees, I had to hire trusted helps for you know, my crops why are they wearing any cloths?" "they aren't trusted in 'em, it's like new jack city in here." "just, get inside." "alright, let me get this straight." "you baked out of your mind your car gets jacked, you call the five-o a cop beats your ass and then you just think, hey" "I'm gonna steal this ice cream truck." "it's always your saying man this is some conspiracy theory shit what if it was Jennifer what if she set me up, no you should put that in your show" "I seriously doubt it was Jennifer, okay hold on, are you sure your not followed?" "I mean, the police know you're short on herbage." "what if it is some kinda sting operation?" "no, relax, I wasn't followed [knocks on the door] uhhh that was a fucking cop knock man." "how do you know?" "because it was five solid fist knock man 1 2 3 4, my shit do you hate me right now?" "yes okay, just alright, everybody act natural." "I need to find some kind of disguise." "how the hell are you?" "are you diver of ice cream truck?" "no, who wants to know?" "me, Megan the driver of that scooter over there." "ohhhh, shit -yeah" "I'm already late to work and that's my only motive transportation" "Oliver come on inside." "it's anna towala, Megan, Twilighla" "so ... so what?" "did you destroy my scooter?" "yeah, I did are you okay?" "no" "I'm not okay." "you ran over my scooter with your ice cream truck, how I supposed to feel?" "yeah, I'm having a shitty day too." "I'm supposed to fix this milf's car .... yeah, yeah, I don't care about your problems." "just need to ride to work." "like I said,I got a lot going right now, you know so" "I've got this tax return thing and the this file and it's already may" "I gotta do karate, so I've got stuff -okay, fine we'll just file police report then." "oh, okay, uh, let's cool your jets, lady." "uh, Oliver, can I speak to you for a second" "it is exactly the opportunity that you looking for, okay it's time to step up to the plate there's girl out there, she needs your help you could be her JFK" "I know,she nice, she nice but it's now's the worse time than ever to think about starting family" "I mean, look at the middle east and public schools, and the economy" "I can't take her to Tuscan." "what the fuck are you talking about?" "you don't start a family, you just taking here to work." "you destroy only a motive transportation it's at least you can do as a bonus maybe you could (nava?" ")have her number eh" "I can do that -you can do that" "so, uh, may" "Megan you?" "\" "I'm Oliver so do you live around here?" "yeah" "I live in same apartment complex as your friend." "uhh, that explains the moped being parked there, uh?" "it's a scooter." "right so, what do you do for work?" "I'm a Batista at (halls?" ") coffee oh, that's sound's awesome it's not!" "and I already missed most of my shifts you could harry up, that would be great." "oh, okay lock it up, pedal to the metal stop right there -owie" "it get a little a wide, it's a wide turn what uh, what are you writing in there." "it's nothing looks a lot of words it's just something I'm working on don't think you'd understand oh, yeah, try me!" "it's Veronica Mars and fiction oh, yeah,yeah, that's a detective show with girl form "forgetting sarah marshall"" "what's it about?" "well, in this one Veronica teams up with pchers and they uncover murder mystery and she fell in love with vivle it's silly, but, I really like it" "I can stand behind silly" "so I just call you for my scooter?" "yeah funny story about that, maybe" "I should just get your number some kinda of rough situation here I just lost my phone earlier today, so again, I'm really sorry and I promise to make it up to you just don't screw me okay?" "I'll try not to." "you know what time it is?" "late that's what time it is" "justice" "dude, you better think twice before yell at my friend Megan here dahh it's my turn she's a hard worker she's early everyday and she stays late every night she's your f'ing anchor you need watch it, we've got families here" "you know we had the highest sales of the year, last month are you gonna ignore that are you gonna ignore the quarterly reports?" "you know what, if you fire her." "you're gonna have to fire me too." "I'm so sorry, I really thought that was gonna work." "if it's any help, I'm pretty sure I'm getting fired on Monday how that would be any help?" "I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent." "don't know how you're gonna fix my scooter." "scrat...?" "yo, many dude?" "what can I do for you?" "are you here for business?" "oh I am not really ice cream vendor sorry, that's a bit misleading you sitting outside of ice cream truck." "why don't you guys selling?" "yeah why aren't we selling?" "ice cream for sale." "push pop." "yeah, there you go." "right you know, boo, we're there." "there you go, ms Patrick, you stay at school." "so, how do we do?" "thinking about 98 dollars so, five more days like this and we should be able to repair my scooter you know you're a pretty good ice cream salesman do you need an assistant?" "I would love an assistant if this was my real job." "but it's not um" "I supposed to detail a car today." "and it got stolen and I was like panicking and freaked out, so I stole this truck" "I'm pretty sure the person who stole my car was the same guy driving this truck does that makes sense?" "so you're a screw-up and a thief yeah, just like a little bit, though" "oaky why don't we team up anyway?" "we can sell some ice cream and I'll help you find the car" "I mean you don't have to do that I can just drop you at your house no, honestly, that's the last place I wanna be right now plus I've seen every episode of Veronica Mars so I'm pretty well prepared" "okay okay so you said the guy that stole your car, was driving this ice cream truck yeah, I'm pretty sure why don't we go to his house and paying a little visit okay, that's fine and dandy, but, how do you know where he lives" "oh this house matches the ice cream truck pretty well yeah, I think we found the fit" "Deven uh, yes, sorry, we're looking for devon, have you seen him?" "I haven't seen him he's six dated years are you blind?" "woow that's my lady, you want come inside?" "I have very sexually active imagination you both come inside yeah, I don't think we're gonna do that can you just tell us where's devon is, please?" "I'm not telling you anything unless, you do something for me alright, what do want from us?" "oh god, I don't want anything from you boy just the girl uh okay [whispering] I would so like to squish your titty nipples no what?" "c'mon, what's the issue?" "he wants to touch my ... uh oh [whispering] just go with ... okay yeah, okay og god, it's perfect" "I can't get pect out already yeah" "god you strong are you work out?" "I can feel it." "yeah I'd do the elliptical twice a week oh wonderful, you're fuzzy." "oh god you're like frigging butlack, beep beep okay, that's enough" "just tell us where devon is please." "guy were always he is, hanging out skate park, park .... okay, we're gonna go, thank you." "that guy's pretty friggin' creepy do you think you should leaving the truck the heck no, we're having an adventure besides, he's blind he won't know we have it anyway" "oh sorry, dudes, back in five okay so what this guy look like?" "uh, he's kinda ayoung he's angry he used to sell ice cream maybe something more visual right" "I think I know this one yo chco chaco nice board slide, my man." "what's up homie?" "eh you think you can give a ride somewhere real quick we pick out (along) some roast beef no, what is wrong with you?" "have you seen that devon kid that driving ice cream truck oh, baby ___ yeah, he's right over there, dawg yo, Devon bring that micro cock over here." "who's this?" "my homies wanna talk to you it's good did you steal my car?" "no, what?" "is your dad a blind clown?" "he's a face penny alcoholic and he's two setps away from home, yeah, but he's definitely not blind you're lucky I didn't call the cops for stealing my ice cream truck yeah, why didn't anybody call the cops?" "why not somebody call the f'ing the cops?" "cus I've seen 'em yeah, yeah, eveybody leave me alone before I flip the fuck out alright, calm down there, you little whipper-snapper you wanna smoke up?" "oh, shit homie that sounds Taco Bell" "au naturally, I assumed the (jager?" ") kid drives ice cream truck was the same dude stole my car that's makes sense." "that shit adds up how is that shit adds up?" "well, we got the truck, maybe you guys got some (tea?" ") intel." "you wanna make a trade?" "dude, no deal man." "that f'ing truck ruined every summer vacation I've had since I was 16 years old honestly, getting it stolen, was the best thing happened to me" "I all do now, man sit all day smoke weed, slay hot chicks chick to dicks crying in this bowl, actually guys, at the crime did you see anyone who look suspicious?" "uh, well there was this one big guy he was pretty big, like a like Randy Orton big, that's like a big show oh, yeah, that fool was huge he had mohawk yeah, dude, he had braid too,he was bad as hell" "crazy -wait, he had a mohawk and braids know what was he has on his neck it's like a tatto or something, it's like a pyramid or Egypt or some shit nah, man, it was all seeing eye" "yeah, dude, it was all seeing eye -oh you mean like this?" "yeah, just like that we have a clue." "we have a lead now what?" "let's go see your friend Benson he seemed like popular type" "yo yo, wait wait,let me get one of (puts?" ") 'em push pop before you leave -alright, c'mon alright, here we go there you go." "enjoy and stay at school, okay?" "I'm not ready for school yet ot yet?" "when do you start?" "I don't know oh, alright well, I see you later." "hey, Megan yeah" "I just wanna say thank you." "for everything" "I mean, if it wasn't for you I" "I probably be packing for a one way trip to the second worst place on earth where's the second worst place on earth?" "Tuscan, Arizona -um where's the first worst place on earth?" "that blind clown house." "well, if you're up to me, you don't get to stay here we have yet to find the car." "yeah, but that almost just possible now thank you for that we have that now." "you're high yeah" "this is where things get weird my organization has reason to believe that the royal family in our presence all reptilian, alien, overlords." "[knocks on the door] uh, Mark from Texas, I gotta put you on hold again." "but a bit a way we're just getting their plan for world domination" "I know, I'm sorry I'm really, really, sorry c'mon, it's me Oliver and Megan" "Oliver, I told you shouldn't come here anymore and why are you let it work?" "I'm sorry to come in and out lately" "I have some really good information great information, we need you take a look at it tell me what you think" "I don't know what I'm looking at it's look like a native American Mr. T [knocks on the door] you expecting somebody -no then who be coming this late?" "it's your drug dealer?" "weed dealer -weed dealer and I only do deliveries." "oh, this is bad what who is it?" "NSA, CIA, FBI?" "ex-boyfriend." "you have an ex-boyfriend?" "yeah it's long story and she's kind of loud -yeah we should have conversation about that you know what, how about having a conversation in the girls room, okay?" "it not better be a cop yeah, just" "what up?" "chief." "nice place thanks" "what's that smell?" "you got a pet skunk or something?" "no what you what?" "I'm looking for my girl friend Megan that's her scooter spread out on the lawn." "about yea big, little blond girl" "I mean totally fake blond, but still hot little squirrely, seen her?" "yeah, I've seen her." "did you seen here, today?" "yeah saw her today what the hell is your deal?" "hippie." "you're stoned right now." "no, I don't get stoned for my podcast paranoia gets to me. fuck your podcast, bro looking for Megan, you've seen her or what?" "she was here then she left okay where did she go?" "she went to work." "I went by her work, she wasn't there she came back what's he doing?" "he can't lie so she's here?" "a person may or may not be in this facility." "what the hell are you saying to me right now?" "are you fucking with me?" "no, no, I'm not, really not." "I'm gonna ask you one last time where is my girlfriend?" "she's inside of overium, it's room full of aquariums" "I have turtles and snakes and it's also doubles cannabis grow room she's in there with unmotivated ?" "so that may or may not be having sex with her, I'm not really sure about that just yet and there's also two half naked women who I have not sex with but I've been fooling the tension feeling for the numbers of days" "you don't have to be a dickhole, bro okay a simple she's not here would have sufficed." "you know the problem with this country is right now?" "I do a whole podcast on that dickhole stoners like you the hippies lost drink it in, suck it up and build some credit while you're at it alright, loser" "I'll work on that yeah, f your mother." "man, screw that bro-bag no offense that's okay he's a real Angelina Bro-lie broly?" "one canoby?" "Pabl-ro Picass-bro bro-fessor x oh, wait, wait" "Marco" "Bro-olo alright, alright," "I don't mean to be a bad host but you all need to leave" "I'm trying to figure out if our present is actually an ailein overlord spent on slaving the entire human race wait, what about our car thief?" "have you seen this guy in your drug travels?" "weed travels and that's look like he was drawn by a forth-grader on high-speed car chase why don't you trying to go the internet and like doing your own like actual research can we use your machine?" "no you can't use my machine" "I'm in the middle of live-stream podcast why don't use your own computer in your own house" "so, your friend Benson is kind of jerk yeah he's a dick yeah, I wouldn't say that, it's just a little rude" "oh, crap" "I'm sorry, I really thought that's gonna work okay here we go" "got it, okay" "alright, here it is is this storage?" "hah, very funny if I've known I was having a company I would've made an effort to clean up a little bit" "oh, yeah it's really aquatic?" "thank you." "is that people having sex, okay yeah, that's my roommate, it's right above us" "I think they have the computer" "I'll be right back" "Jeff buddy are you in there?" "Oliver, get the night off get the hell out of here" "Jeff, Jennifer just need the computer and I'll be out of your hair go away Oliver your computer's broken" "[spits] ekh" "c'mon, I just need the computer, slide it under the door" "I'll be out of your hair I got important business shit to take care of" "I thinks it's bed?" "oh dad" "oh what the fuck stay the hell away from me" "oh so close oh, shit we've got sex water on the bed" "pervert get the hell of me you busted Annie Oakley or I'll tell dad you have sex with Benson you wouldn't." "why I wouldn't?" "you fucking suck" "oh my goodness my.." "you scared me." "is everything okay up there, I heard noises oy, everything's fine what are you, snooping through my stuff for yes, sorry" "I just figured I am in a garage in the middle of night with guy I never met and watched all the Saw movies, so" "what is that?" "ooh that's my smoking apparatus it's taking me over 11 years to acquire it's pretty beautiful, uh?" "I wouldn't really know [blows raspberry] but [blows] are you telling me you're a hip chick?" "who writes fan fiction in a leather bound journal that used to work at this coffee shop has never smoke pot" "I never smoked anything, okay?" "I mean, I just didn't ride with those type of social circles, you know." "uh what's it like?" "[coughs]" "I'll give you a crash course" "oh, hi there this is a bud of marijuana for centuries mankind has worked to create purest strains with the most vivid highs now although there's at least complex joints probably most iconic smoking method without getting even burn you gotta break up the bud" "and to do that, I'd like to use a grinder" "now, before I was old enough to buy bulnsir?" "papers I was using a couple low tech method apples are the tasty way to smoke but it could be awkward as alternative, some kid smoking out of cans" "then we have our glassware the cornerstone in every smokers collection the possibilities are endless this includes" "bongs and, uh, ooh pipes and, um, uh bubblers" "um, what's a bubbler?" "that's very good question." "it's bong pipe hydrator." "very effective just don't rest it on his side" "with most glass pieces you have to work the carburetor this little hole let's you expire an oxygen to get just a perfect amount of burn" "if you looking to biggest height of weed conservation ratio the waterfall method worth to gander" "perfect suction then we get our high tech stuff like a vaporizer it vaporize the pot so breath pure THC quick high, no smoke" "wow you know a lot about stuff." "so you think you wanna try some?" "uh, it's tempting but no I'm good c'mon, don't you do something about wanting to go on an adventure and try new things yeah, but but, this is the opportunity to try something new" "c'mon pick a piece well, the bubbler was kinda cute." "alright, you ready -um just breathe in" "alright, now hold in and exhale [coughs] oh, man" "the taste's weird you're feeling it yet?" "I heard it doesn't work the first time oh, you're wrong girl" "we want you at biggerday you can get out ever stuck here for life it's true gotta go with that" "did you see that?" "this was a unique experience for Veronica an agent of danger a mistress of mayhem she's a bad bitch can't mess with her what if?" "need blue pen is you blue eyes oh yeah" "it is so amazing you thought to be professional, like a" "professional guitar player had she ever been in love it's female a fanciable fiction" "has she?" "we don't know?" "oh wait" "I got something you're gonna flip the shit over wait wait, wait, wait, we've forgotten about our internet research" "strawberry amazing" "it's funny how it takes only one event for the world to change" "Pearl Harbor, the San Francisco earthquake and canceling bob sponge square pants it's only altered the course of human history this may sound disastrous but as we saw all with Oliver and Megan the greatest adversities can lead to new opportunities" "good morning oh, moring you sleep like a bear" "I don't mean a hibernating one you make all sorta growly noises what happened last night we climbed the Himalaya's, made out watched "Donald Duck mathland"" "you drew this picture of us you did must of work but I did sharpie on the boobies" "so what?" "John G raped and murdered my wife on my chest that was me, I did really like the movie "memento"" "but, it was really hard to write backwards so I just went for the standard variation" "okay, where are my cloths and why does it smell weird in here?" "oh, yeah you decided to take all cloths off and rub icey huddle?" "of your body you're passed out truly there after oh my god did we had sex?" "no wait was that an option?" "remind me to never smoke weed ever again noted but, check this out" "I went on inter-webs and type all seeing eye tattoo aux nard into google and I found this chick apparently she just tattooed some dude with same skin art chaco taco and baby dee and I were talking about is there any contact info?" "yeah let's me, uh uh fuck" "Jeff, what the hell?" "my eyes haven't even adjusted to the light yet gotta talk to you about last night we didn't not handle that situation in appropriate fashion" "I know, it was in a ___ who's that?" "I'm Megan it's Megan what's aap?" "well, I didn't know you have lady over here okay that's cool did you guys, um make the nuts last night no, Jeff we just met well, sometimes that's the way it works out" "Jeff yeah what the shit?" "let's go, and why those Mexicans parked f'ing ice cream truck out there honey, please they're native Americans whatever, you" "she is really pissed that you screwed up our special evening last night and by her mean pissed at you you realize her being pissed at me, right?" "look, you got stuff to do with the devil I got stuff to do with the car let's just talk later, okay?" "alright" "Meegan if you want sometime my girlfriend much the same age as you so, maybe we could all get together kick it" "okay time to kinda non-comitall?" "whatever allright are you kidding me you can't wait?" "I don't wait for no man bitch." "I've been eating doughnuts since I was a child" "I'm still in front of your house right now and it's 8:30 and you're not here alright reftis a serve" "yo thanks" "you okay?" "yeah, I'm good it's about last night, isn't it?" "no this is about my ex-boyfriend he keeps calling apparently last night he camped outside my apartment that dude's super intense yeah" "so funny, I have all these fiends that are getting marred and having babies but I was with Billy for 7 years never thought I would settle down with him should have broken up with him a log time ago" "this whole thing pretty much my fault hey screw that guy, I mean at least you broke it off before it was to late can you imagine making that decision after you had a mini-Megan like my parents" "you know what?" "Oliver you're not merely as much good as you pretend to be thanks" "doughnut?" "oh that's my favorite ooh, alright you can have it. that's fine" "I bet Oliver call a hooker after he saw us working last night no, I don't think so she didn't look like a pro to me what, are you kidding?" "did you see that tattoo on her chest oh was that __her?" "or, just she woke up." "and Oliver said he didn't sleep with her um, ofcource he didn't, that kid's a pussy" "you know" "I don't appreciate you saying that" "I mean he's good kid, he's just a little lost right now" "you know what?" "you're right." "I think we just we had to as we agreed you know help Oliver gets on his feet and Tuscan is the bright place to spread his wings and once he's moved out you and I can have the house to ourselves" "and I take my modeling courage for the next level can you squirt on my stomach baby?" "oh, Jeff what the fuck?" "it's always so much oh I think that Dorian?" "doughnut me me sick you want this?" "definitely so box?" "says he wok in tattoo shop on Thomson so she works right there?" "bingo and what was her name?" "Crystal" "yo, what up, plam?" "we're looking for Crystal, she in today?" "got an appointment?" "uh, no we don't an appointment per se we're hoping for a consultation type okay" "yeah, we wanted to talk about her clientele what the fuck are you talking about man?" "ain't you ever heard of client-artist confidentiality?" "I'm sorry can I use your restroom?" "restrooms are for the paying customers only yeah, I'm not ready to settle on a tattoo just yet can I use it anyway ooh, you all been working on my last __ nerves" "Crystal, hey" "they wanna talk about you on just some shit." "E-Smoke, babe, I'm in the middle of piercing right now, can it wait?" "if you won't rainbow bright here to throw it up all in lobby, hell yeah yes it can fine send her back" "so, E-Smoke is that your christen name?" "it's because I smoke electronic smoke, bitch ooh, that's smooth" "occupied" "I'm sorry, I don't wanna be rude, but could I please get in there hell no, I'm pitching a load?" ", get out here." "it's kind of an emergency oh, this is an emergency [farts] so, did Crystal do that tattoo on your neck?" "the all seeing eye why are you asking so many questions?" "bet you a cop [blows raspberry] fuck the police,would a cop be carrying this guy?" "bag of stems mind's blert?" "I used to smoke this shit in 90s, thanks oh, what the fuck?" "goddamn, your girl hit the boming?" "shit out that was a shit sprinkles" "damn it" "I've got you now, E-Smoke oh ieks?" "like my home" "they want our gold they want turn us to slave race random genetic expriments on us, they made us intelligent Benson don't you see it?" "okay, I try real hard to see truth here, Mark uh, question, what good is gold to a bunch of half breed alien millionaires?" "c'mon Benson, they need it to repair the atmosphere of their dying planet it's been great having you this whole weekend you've really shed some light on the topic they have base in Denver airport Benson, we must spread the word" "thus the podcast, I'll do encourage all of my listeners to do their own research to further educate themselves on the subject thanks again to tuning in to machine treason, protecting mankind from the Man their eyes given away don't trust their eyes, it's ocular deception" "Jesus, enough from Fort Worth how you doing lady?" "[knoking on the door] yo, B, you got that door pretty quick." "did you miss us?" "oh you caught me" "I didn't miss you," "I was anxious for your arrival what is that smell?" "I had an accident can I barrow something to wear?" "don't you live next door?" "yeah but I runng the risk of my boyfriend billy probably camp out in my front door ex boyfriend, Billy -he's my ex-boyfriend" "come in" "alright what's the latest development?" "wow, Benson, since when you're exited to hear about our antics oh please, don't be so dramatic, just give me the news alright, let me ask you one question first oaky are you really out of that platinum blue dream or were you holding out on me?" "cus I smell it in here umm" "Doyla, can you bring last of that really good shit?" "Benson, my friend, you lied to me" "I did not lie to you, I got really high on this and forgot where I left it this stuff is potent|poat do you have any of idea of street value of this?" "no, how much it worth?" "now's you asking it?" "actually don't know how to price it okay enough drug talk wow, wow weed we know the name of the guy who stole the car who is it?" "E-Smoke" "E-Smoke fucking E-Smoke stole your car and you know who that is?" "yeah, I'll deliver to him all the times let me tell you something that guys play Duty like daddy mad skills what's Duty?" "cod he plays the fish?" "call of duty so we know where he lives yeah, of course [barfing]" "strawberry cream sekum?" "can I barrow something else?" "I have just a thing so" "I was think that we start with disaster of garage maybe lay out some yoga mat put some pins on the walls, maybe a few mirrors make it like a little work out room sure do you remember my firend, Mary" "well, she makes these wine racks and I think there would be a super cute on a wine cellar wait, which one is that?" "the cute little breadhead form yoga with herpes no, witch room is the wine cellar wow, I was thinking that we could covert your office into a wine cellar make it like cool dark cave, with moodlights" "I just think it's completely sad and dull as it is reminds me of work" "what do you say we jump into the pool" "I'm laying out you can't take break from chair for a second and jump in the pool?" "I can't get my hair wet what are you?" "a chinchilla?" "c'mon you take a shower everyday, what is it, your head dodge the shower water, c'mon you know you're being huge dick, this is my money maker makes the money" "I just don't understand why we're hanging out together we can't enjoy ourself and jump in the pool?" "ukh, you're grossing me out you sound like my dad right now" "I'm gonna go to the Sauna" "what the fuck jack?" "cannonball" "I can't believe you what I'm just trying having some fun Jennifer, c'mon fuck you Jeff, that's not what I signed up for" "fucking loser and you deserve your lazy ass son" "I'm out of here why don't you go dry off your money maker?" "are you sure Benson gave us the right address?" "you know that man never fibbed the facts you wanna a hit of this?" "it's platinum blue dream, puts you in the different plant-field no" "I don't think I should be fighting crime under influence wait, wait, what are you doing?" "guns balzing, shoud we go with the plan you know what, you can hang back there's nothing wrong with playing it safe okay, um" "I'm coming" "Oliver, I don't feel good about this it's time, expecting unexpected, we have to catch him off guard" "you shouldn't knock on front door, it's pretty standard good point, maybe sticking around back trying find an open window it's not what I meant, I mean we're trespassing now and we talking in nonsense" "oh, lemon [guns]" "no hey what the fuck doing in my backyard" "I got my baby sleeping there and shit please don't hurt her -man, shut the fuck up why do you think I'm whispering?" "you're rolling in my spot in nap time all scream and shit what the fuck is wrong with you?" "now give me your wallet get the f'ing ID then" "why are you following me?" "cus you stole my car man that car gone man goddammit, you ain't getting it back so I suggest, Oliver you get the fuck out here, alright and if I've seen you following me or driving down my street" "I'm not gonna let you both live" "get the fuck out of here" "stop fucking with my fruit trees [baby cries] oh shit" "slow down, slow down c'mon, stop" "I'm gonna puke" "Megan, you strong hound?" "we're on the ocean already" "it's okay, calm down are you kidding?" "what?" "that guy put a gun to my head Oliver he took my stuff, he has my notebook yeah, I know, it's just stuff okay, what?" "the gun wasn't loaded you're ridiculous you put people in danger and you don't take responsibility for your actions and the worst part about it is you don't even noticed cus you always so stoned oh. c'mon, I hardly ever get stoned" "I have such high tolerance I probably smoke like a pound to be fully functional let me ask you a question Oliver" "have you ever done anything that you haven't fucked up hey don't start criticize me alright" "I was doing just fine until you're like let's go on an adventure" "I'm getting toshoes it's only ever take one dick" "I wanted a care-free let's-sell-ice-cream kind of an adventure not put-a-gun-to-my-head kind of an adventure" "grow up c'mon, Megan, you're just gonna walk away" "oh god" "what do you looking at me for?" "I don't know what's comes next they didn't even get me updated pages" "looks like Oliver on his own now" "hey double bum, did you see an ice cream truck?" "well, I saw aclown who got up into ice cream truck and fled at a fantastic rate hey, you're the dream chasing fellow how's that going for you?" "not as planed yeah, man I'm sorry to hear that" "you wanna have a seat?" "talk about it you know" "I understand about things not going as planed" "I personaly was gonna be a astronaut but my pappy a real spaceman flying around the galaxy and shit" "witch is not what I've been doing lately yeah" "I supposed to be riding off into sunset with a hot babe on fresh scooter" "I gotta tell my dad I've fucked up and I am off to Tuscan Arizona hey man" "Tuscan's great" "I think you're gonna do great in Tuscan I personally had a lot of success in Tuscan if you had so mush success in that shithole desert what are you doing here collecting cans?" "I'm sorry, did I said success?" "I meant butt sex success, butt sex, success, butt sex" "I had a lot of butt sex in Tuscan irregardless of that matter do you have any weed?" "yeah, actually I do oh, wait, hold on who's that?" "simmering honey pot of a woman did you tap that ass -no it was an option last night" "look man" "I generally try not to dispense advise on the couch it's sort of breach-er protocol but I think I can help you so, making an exception" "here's some advice one, find out what that woman wants two, give it to her now if you excuse me it's time for me to blast off" "I thought maybe you (spring|bring) for the good stuff can you stay, dooo__" "oh yeah that my friend is some good shit we used to smoke like this back in 80s my apology is come a long my friend" "I don't think you had anything this good back then hey" "I'm really sorry for calling you a loser yesterday you got your shit together you're affluent businessman, you're the pillar of the community" "I'm pretty sure you know what?" "I'm sorry what for?" "I confined your son" "I called you a dick dick?" "I also called your girlfriend racist plus I totally ripped you off on this weed but I promise it will never happen again wow" "honesty that's refreshing" "speaking of your girlfriend I totally slept with her senior year" "ouch bro that one hurt maybe that was a little to on us what are you ... we had the whole thing -yeah, but not then dad, what the hell are you doing smoking with my drug dealer" "weed dealer yo Oliver, what's bro" "I'm so glad to see you what the fuck?" "he wanted to smoke, like he's really baked dude, sit down, let's have little powwow no thanks I quit does Jennifer know you're smoking?" "Jennifer does know shit dude, cus I kick her ass to the curb just us now, just us we are the dangerous dude on the block dawg woof" "I'm not gonna do that yeah, okay, Benson can I have my dad alone for a minute?" "what is your problem?" "I thought" "I thought you liked this dude no I don't like this, I need you to be a dad, not a bro but I am with the dangerously cool guys" "I'm 26 years old, I'm an adult you're an adult it's time for starting acting like it a wise man once told me never let an opportunity pass you off cus they'll eventually disappear" "look" "I got something I gotta get off my chest it's about the car -no, you already said enough, my child my boy my son my blood's pumping through your motherfucking veins, bro" "I'm sorry I called you a pussy, to your face, behind your back, all of it and I like that sometimes man, you gotta bite" "you gotta bark like you're gonna bite or you just bite on it just stop while you're ahead you stating to sound like a no fear t-shirt look you're a good dad" "I wanna spend time with you but you need to sober up and" "I got some stuff I gotta take care of" "I got something I gotta take care of too like these fashion man, I don't know what I'm doing" "I need your help to bite smokie wrong" "I do deliver weed man non of __ to piss off my clients you can wear mask, you can be my hero you could be my JFK" "do you have a plan?" "we follow E-smoke where he's got the car beat him up and take it back there's no reason to over-complicate things we keep this one simple so __ double team E-smoke no, quadruple team E-smoke quadruple team" "who else is there?" "ask not what __ country __means to you and what can you do for your country" "you know what you say we have _____?" "___fear itself?" "a date witch you___ wanna live____ in infamy a __cain smoke for man but _______________" "there he is" "now, __, this is it, dagger and bloodline you split to the left" "Benson you're with me" "Oliver, why don't we have ___ and they do?" "to time" "yo leatherhead?" "I'm here for my car my notebook and my MF'ing apology" "__, how many times I have told you to lock that gate?" "I did lock it, it must've slipped over shut the fuck up" "you better get the fuck out here before my boys kick your ass coocoo" "you had number, playe' with this masked man and these two broke ass looking Mexican oh, my god I don't get it, they're fucking indian, why everbody thinks they .... could you shut the fuck up he's gonna recognize your voice" "if you bring it probably yeah" "Benson?" "you're such a dick everybody shut the fuck up relax nothing loaded, I know he's tried it before" "oh, shit shit man" "__ stupid motherfucker oh, fuck fuck him up" "now get the fuck out here man" "I did told you that car is gone fuck you dickhole" "alright" "now for the last time stay the fuck away from me" "stupid ass c'mon goddamn" "Oliver [whimpering] let's get up how you're doing get up Benson" "E-smoke" "we're not done here" "__ okay not__ fucker shot me yeah, well at least it was just a graze oh, fuck you just a graze" "people in civil war died from less thank you very much for minute think it was good idea to take down action criminals" "I don't know it was my first sober thought in 12 years" "sorry I got you tagged man -yeah" "Meg is right" "I do put people in danger that's alright" "I'll live maybe this, I should stop being drug dealer kinda actually do with my life put me in the history books -oh yeah yeah -like what?" "actually wanna documentary about that whole reptile subhuman theory" "I think you can link it to 9/11 it's a baby ___(bathe in) pigs that make sense that shit adds up, right?" "Oliver" "this is where we say farewell my friend you're gonna be okay?" "just a graze, right yeah, now Twiligha and Susie are inside Susie was the med school drop out so I'll just be fine" "no that's not for that -no alright, just go to her, get out of here" "Twilighla" "Oliver, what happened to your face?" "I went after E-smoke -you went after E-smoke but he has a gun he had something that I need it there's really important" "my notebook" "Oliver this is the guy you've been ignore my text messages over?" "billy, it's over, leave me alone you"re just confused right now, Megs okay you need to come to your senses what?" "is this guy got you drugged up or something?" "drugged up?" "what?" "no, Oliver's my boy is your what?" "let me tell you something right now, okay this guy is no fucking good alright, he's a lazy wasted of space, mouth breathing, piece of shit, stoned" "holy shit nice punch" "I could've used you back at junkyard fuck Nostradamus" "I like that action honestly, I think you went home and rush into arms of B-Romeo over there oh no, i spent 45 minutes crying in the public bathroom and then I smoke through airspace__ bong and it made me realize something Oliver" "I like you you're high" "you have __ on your face -yeah" "breakfast?" "yeah doughnuts?" "no -right, right" "I know what you're thinking" "Oliver never get that darn Mercury back he get something else though more valuable than classic muscle car" "he got the chance to size an opportunity going on an adventure" "and find himself" "well that's it" "that's the end of story of Oliver loved" "now excuse me have to test out my new wheels" "hey yo lo homie you think you can give me a ride to KFC man I'm trying to pickup some bonus nuggets damn" "hey homie you wanna go burn a ball"