"Gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself." "I am Dr. Buttocks." "Gentlemen, where are you?" "Okay, the final category is science." "Which alkaline earth metal has the chemical symbol Be?" "Cool." "This one's easy." " No kidding." "Put down Backstreet Boys." " Will you be quiet?" "Put down Backstreet Boys." "You're not writing it." " You're giving it away." " Sit down." "It's not the Backstreet Boys." "I know, and don't you dare put that down." "Be?" "Come on, it's Benmark." " No, it ain't." " Yeah." "Benmark?" "It's a sublevel country underneath Denmark." "Think you would have heard of it." "Is that what you're writing?" "No, I'm putting down beryllium because that's the answer." "Yeah, that's the other one." "Hey, Frylock, get another pitcher of beer." "I will not." "You're not old enough to drink." "You don't know everything." "If you did, we wouldn't be losing right now." "We wouldn't be losing if you didn't write Backstreet Boys on half our answers." "Look, my gut tells me Backstreet, and that is where my brain lives... with my gut." "They's roommates, but sometimes they don't get along too well." "They's always arguing about the bills, the son of bills..." "Okay, shut up." "That's enough." "Here we go." "And the answer is, as Wayne got it, beryllium." "Yes, I knew it." "I totally nailed that one." " Then why didn't you say that?" " What are you saying?" "I wrote it down." " I changed it to the Backstreet Boys." " What?" "I mean, you heard the confidence in his voice." " He sounded like he'd been there." " Been where, Shake?" "Okay, I changed it to Benmark." " What?" " You're a fool!" "But, look, it is a country." "I'll find a map." "Our scores at the end of this round:" "In second place, with 25 points, the Backstreet Boys." " They're here?" "Where are they?" " That's what you named us." "And in first place, yet again, with another perfect score of 60 points:" "Wayne "the Brain "McLaine." "Yes." "Oh, God, yes." "God, I hate that Wayne." "No way you're ever getting sex with a thing like that on your head." " What's up?" " Not like us, right, pal?" "And our final question of the game is in the sports category." "Wayne is the master of sports." "Hell, I suck at sports." "But Wayne doesn't." "For two points each... like it matters, name the last five NCAA basketball champions." "Don't sweat it." "We got this covered." "I read the Backstreet bio." "A.J. likes ice skating and Howie likes to Frisbee..." " What about Basketball Jones?" " They hate Basketball Jones." "I heard it on the radio." "It's funny, and it's the answer." "You put it down." "I'm out of here." "No, you're not, because he does not know how to write, and I completely refuse to." "Just calm down, Frylock." "It's over." "We lost again." "Let it go, and accept the truth that we is dumb." "Dumb as hell." "He's right for the most part." "We got us a superstar... and we got two albacores that are just hanging around my neck." "Albatrosses." "Yeah, it's like the Rhyme of the Marinate happening all over again." "I am real tired of Wayne walking away with 50 bar dollars every Tuesday night." "I got it." "We'll go kill Wayne." "No, we're doing this legal." "Follow me." "Where are the chicks, and why are you clipping my eyes open?" " Look, just watch the screen, okay?" " All right." "Porno." "Hey, I can deal." "Actually, no." "It's all the world's knowledge... compressed into one humongous DVD." "Does it show girls in the nude?" "It shows a woman without skin, but that's really more about her organs." "But the sex organs, right?" "This is a good one." " See you Tuesday." " He left." "Yeah, I saw, 'cause I can't close my eyes to not see." "Sounds like neither of those fools don't gizzit to fizzit, baby." " All right, how are we doing?" " Fine." "No, we're not doing that." "My eyes are thirsty as hell here." "Who do you think you are?" "I'm the only U.S. president to serve two nonconsecutive terms in the Oval Office." "Well, then, that would make you Grover Cleveland." "Why is this coming out of my mouth?" "Meatwad, how many nonconsecutive terms did Grover Cleveland serve?" "I'm fine." "Every day is fine like wine." "Why don't we just unhook you?" "Wait a minute." "He's not going anywhere that I haven't been." "I'll go anywhere I want, boy." "Come on, damn it." "I got this thing embedded in my ass." "Oh, shoot." "I'm sorry about that." "What is it?" "Looks like a Ethiopian toilet seat." "It's just a basketball hoop." "What is this "basketball" you speak of?" "Hell, I forgot to put sports on the DVD." "And what is this "sports" you speak of?" "Carl, my man, what's up?" "I don't have any food, so get lost." "Dinner is on us tonight, 'cause you know what tonight is, don't you?" "Oh, yeah." "Tonight I'm downloading porn at 14 kilobytes a second." "I'm just kidding." "I got a cable modem back here." "We were hoping you'd want to come to a party with us tonight." "Looks like they're done partying." "Now what they're doing is loitering... and that's very illegal." "Here's the deal." "We're playing Team Trivia tonight." "We need someone that knows sports." "Here's a trivia question:" "Why would I want to do that?" "Yeah, the chicks." "Where are they, Fryman?" "They're in the back moistening their T-shirts for the Jell-O wrestling." "Now you're speaking my language here." "I knew you wasn't gay." "Is that why you're not sitting with the rest of the team, Carl?" "What are you, kidding?" "No, I'm not doing that." "There's a broad right there." "Hey!" "Yeah, you, dingbat." "I want a pitcher of beer, fried jalapeños... the Nachos Grande, and let's start with 50 wings, extra-hot... and keep the ranch coming." "Two coffees, please." "You know what I ordered?" "I'm gonna be farting blood over here." "Ladies and gentlemen, turn around and face your trivia doom." "It's Wayne "the Brain "McLaine." "You're going down tonight, Wayne." "Carl, we need to name our team." " Something tough." " I turned it in, Fryman." "We're good." "And our other competing squad:" "the One-Eyed Wonder Weasels and their Two Balls." "Two balls." "Very clever, guys." "Thanks." "You get where I'm going with that, Fryman?" "You understand the thing?" " The joke?" " Yeah, I do, Carl." "Tonight." "The Rosetta Stone." "And the answer is the Rosetta Stone." "Yeah, Fryman in the house, baby." "I want to say Raw Deal, but it seems like it could be Commando." "The Running Man." "One of Arnold's first big hits, it was The Running Man." "Remember Richard Dawson in that one." "1060..." "1060 what?" " Six!" "1066." "Boo-yaaka!" "Joseph of Arimathea." "And the answer was Joseph of Arimathea, and the scores are still tied." "Yes." "High fry, Carl." " How's that spelled?" " L-E-S-B-I-A-N." "Shut up, you're spelling "lesbian"." "He said "lesbian"." "And at the end of regulation, we have a barnburner." "Tied for the lead, with a perfect score:" "Wayne "the Brain "and the One-Eyed guys." "He didn't say it all." "You got to say it all." "Say the "two balls" part." "You don't get it without that." "Final question." "The category is hydromagnetic magnetoidal dimensions." " Hydro what?" " What happened?" "Did we win?" "For 10 points:" "When traveling at a subsonic speed... during the last one hour of hypersleep, which vector of the Romulan Nebula... will suffer the wrath of the impenetrable quickening?" "And for extra points:" "How many rads to the nearest multon?" "Be specific." "This is a real question." "Hell." " This is so easy." " Carl?" "I said 50 more wings." "What are you, dumb?" " Shake, wake up." " Finally..." "Damn it, he's fried." "That's okay, because I happen to know the answer." "All right, fine." "Go ahead, say it." "Say "the Backstreet Boys"." "I know." "That's what I thought at first, too." "But if you think back to the time you took me to the lake... and taught me how to go fishing, you'd realize that has nothing to do with this." "The answer is 'NSync." "Of course it is." "Go on, turn it in." " Stay cool." " I know." "So, when we doing the sports part here?" "We're not." "We didn't." "It's over." "We lost." "Did your ass get enough wings?" "You tell me." "Does this look like I got enough?" "Carl, give me your celery." "No, I need it for fiber." "I have problems." "Okay, we have a winner for 50 bar dollars." "And once again the title of champion, Wayne "the Main Brain "McLaine." "Yes." "Success." "So now it's "the Main Brain"?" "You think you're so much better than we are?" "Because I am." "I won." "I'm perfect in all ways." "Yep, except for that Afro." "Plus, you got bad zits, boy." " I got those on purpose." " You need a Buf-Puf." "Come on, we're never coming back to this bar." "Wait." "You will wait, and you will hang out with Wayne." "Wayne does have bar dollars." " Look, just answer me this one question." " Yeah, what's wrong with your hair?" "Well, that really wasn't the question." " So it is grass." "I'm eating it." " Damn, is that all brain?" "It's the biggest one you've ever seen." "Go ahead." "Ask forth your question to the all-knowing Wayne... and Wayne shall deliver unto you the answer of correctitude... regardless of your limited ability to comprehend it." "Okay." "What did you put for the final question?" "The Backstreet Boys." "Was what?" "Your hair is good to eat." "All the questions are merely illusions created by Wayne." "Just like this booth, Ned Hastings, our host... and the hot, moist meat on your friend's wings." " So that's why he never gets full." " He's a glutton." "That bill is very real." "You need to pay me right now." "Man, what is your problem?" "People are jealous of my ability to put them down." "It brings me great joy, but no tail, if you understand the vernacular." "We all have our problems with women... but we don't just create some fake situation to try and attract girls." "Because you can't." " Don't rub it in, okay?" "We know." " That's all you know." "Why don't you make yourself a girlfriend if your brain is so damn advanced?" "Well, I did." " Good, then go." " Well, I will." "And take your damn girlfriend." "I will." "She's with me." "Stop looking at her." "Quick question here." "What happened to the bar?" "It's gone." "What do you think happened to it?" "Hey, should we get Shake?" "'Cause he's getting eaten by aphids." "Nah." "He'll get a ride."