"Today is my favorite day It's the best in every way" "So much more than just okay" "It's a very, very, very, very, very, very Good day!" "Today is my favorite day I do hope it's not cliché" "It's exactly as I say Don't believe me?" "Then just look" "What's written under my toupee!" "Today is my favorite day I like it more than a soufflé" "Traffic lights you should obey lam really, really running out of words that rhyme" "With "day!"" "Fred!" "Fred!" "Morning, Mom." "Are you singing?" "No!" "Singing?" "Mom, that's crazy talk!" "You know how I feel about opening musical numbers." "You don't need some flashy song and dance to get people to like you, Fred." "You're better than that." "I know, Mom!" "Today I love this day" "'Cause today is the last day of school" "The best day of school Is the last day of school" "The best day of school Is the last day of school" "Goodbye, geometry Goodbye, homeroom" "Goodbye to the stench of Miss McGurkin's cheap perfume" "The best day of school Is the last day of school" "The best day of school Is the last day of school" "No more wet willies, spitballs in your hair" "The last day they'll hang you by your underwear" "The best day of school Is the last day of school" "The best day of school Is the last day of school" "Goodbye, lunch food How did we survive?" "I won't miss the meatloaf" "Is it alive?" "Be gone, cursed beast!" "Go back to whatever cruel meatloaf world you came from!" "Die!" "Die!" "Die!" "Sorry." "All right, everyone, this is our big finish so let's really make it count!" "The best day of school Is the last day of school" "The best day of school Is the last day of school" "The best day is the last day" "Is the best day 'Cause it's the last day of school" "Yeah, the last day of school Is the best day of school" "Sorry, I just really like today, so..." "Kevin!" "You're such a dorknozzle, Figglehorn!" "Oh, nice one, Kevin." "Your accuracy has really improved." "Okay, class." "Back to work." "Yeah, I don't know." "I'll probably spend my summer just listening to music, catch up on some movies, relax, you know?" "Yeah, that's cool." "Bertha, what was that for?" "Fred, you're thinking about that stupid summer camp again, aren't you?" "I was thinking about Camp Superior, but, I mean, it's pretty much the best summer camp in the entire galaxy." "See?" "Well, camp's just really not my thing I'm allergic to Kumbaya." "But, Bertha, it's got water slides, two waffle bars, traditional and Belgium, jet skis, a stable of Clydesdale horses," "monkey butlers..." " Monkey butlers?" "Okay, so that's not in here, but, I mean, I'm pretty sure they have it, right?" "Well, things aren't gonna be the same around here without you, Figglehorn." "Fred, you're thinking about that stupid summer camp!" "No, I wasn't." "That time I was thinking about how cool it'd be to have a monkey butler." "So what were you saying, Bertha?" "I'll need this, this, and I'll definitely need this." "This is so incredible!" "Can you believe I'm actually going to Camp Superior?" "Did you know it was named the top summer camp in the entire country, by Summer Camp Magazine?" "And done." "All right, now that I've packed the essentials," "I should probably put some clothes in there, too." "Perfect." "Go down!" "Gammit!" "I'm really gonna miss you, Freddy, so on and so forth." "Thanks, Mom." "I'll miss you, too." "You all packed up and ready to go?" "'Cause that Camp lwannapeepee bus is gonna be here in any minute." "The what bus should be pulling up?" "The Camp lwannapeepee bus." "No, Mom." "It's called Camp Superior." "Not "lwannapeepee."" "Who would name their camp that?" "It's the stupidest name ever." "I looked into that Camp Superior place, but it was way too expensive." "So I signed you up for Camp lwannapeepee." "I mean, what's the difference?" "Camp is camp, right?" "Fred, are you okay?" "Clear!" "Gammit!" "We lost him." "See what happens, Mother?" "See what happens when you send me to the wrong summer camp?" "Now I'm a ghost." "This is so unfair!" "This is gonna be the worst summer ever!" "This is horrible!" "Oh, come on, Fred." "You're overreacting." "I'm sure it won't be that bad." "It's called Camp lwannapeepee, Mom." "How good could it possibly be?" "Fred, do you know what sweetbreads are?" "No, but they sound delicious." "Sweetbreads are stomach and pancreas meat." "Gross!" "And that is just my point." "You can't always judge something by its name." "Or maybe I'm wrong." "Oh. my gammit!" "Fred, you can do this." "You can handle any curveball life throws you." "Because you are Fred Figglehorn, gammit." "Yeah, you're right." "I can do this." "I mean, I'm not gonna let some stupid summer camp bring me down." "Because I'm Fred Figglehorn, gammit!" "Sorry I am late." "Took a couple wrong turns." "Almost ended up driving this bus of kids into a ravine." "But they're troupers!" "That was not good." "Not good at all." "Anyhoo, I'm looking for a Ted Twinklecorn." "That's Fred Figglehorn to you, mister." "And he's right here." "Fred?" "Fred!" "I don't wanna go!" "No!" "No!" "No, Mom!" "I changed my mind!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "You can do this, Fred!" "Mom!" " I believe in you!" " Mom, help!" "Mom!" "No!" "Don't forget to write!" "Hey, you guys." "I'm Fred Figglehorn." "I'm just gonna apologize in advance for what I'm about to do." "Hey, what's up?" "Howdy, campers!" "My name is Floyd Spunkmeyer and I'm the director of Camp lwannapeepee." "Feel free to call me Floyd." "Or Big Floyd." "Or Doctor Spunkinstein." "You can call me anything you want, just don't call me late for s'mores." "Seriously, we don't have s'mores here because I am deathly allergic to marshmallow." "Also, ironically, hot dogs." "But who eats hot dogs at a summer camp?" "Am I right?" "That dude knows what I'm talkin' about." "Did you know that "lwannapeepee"" "is actually an old Cherokee Indian term that means "blessed ray of sunshine"?" "So let me be the first to give you all the official camp greeting." "Iwannapeepee on you." "lwannapeepee on you." "Iwannapeepee on all of you." "Question?" "I was just wondering if you have any waterslides here?" "No, we don't have any waterslides." "No waterslides." "Anybody else?" "Okay." "Do you have any Clydesdale horses?" "We don't have Clydesdales, but we do have a horse." "His name is Francis, and he only has three legs." "But we love him as though he had five." "Do you have monkey butlers?" "All right, everybody, you've been on a long bus trip." "Let's get some grub and then figure out some bunk assignments, okay?" "Come on." "We're at camp!" " You're the cook, too?" " You're dang tooting." "I'm also the counselor, trail guide, lifeguard, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays I teach a needlepoint class." "See?" "It's a needlepoint of me needlepointing." "Nice." "Yeah." "It's pretty great." "I'm kind of awesome at everything I do." "Gross." "What is this stuff?" "Good, old-fashioned American gruel." " Trust me." "You don't want to drink that." " Why?" "Let's just say it's called "bug juice" for a reason." "Okay." "Name's William, but everyone around here just calls me Magoo." "Hey." "I'm Fred." "Nice to meet you, Fred." "Welcome to Camp lwannapeepee." "Worst summer camp on Earth." "You can sit with us." "This way." "Hey, guys." "This is Fred." "He's new to camp, so go easy on him, okay?" "Hello." "Oh, that's Chatter." "Don't mind him." "He never talks." "That one over there is Spoon." "She's always eating." "And I mean always." " Last but not least, there's Dig." "'Sup." " Why do they call you Dig?" "'Cause I dig holes." "I guess that makes sense." "I'm not sure if you've picked a bunkhouse yet, but if not, you can bunk with us." "We're in cabin thirteen and we have a..." "Wait, guys." "Here she comes." "Quiet." "Here who comes?" "Oksana." "Hello, kids." "Who's she?" "The camp nurse." "And she's terrible at it." "But nobody seems to mind." "She gets hotter every year." "Wait. "Every year"?" "You guys have been here before?" "Yeah, it's mine and Chatter's third year." "But Dig and Spoon have been here for four." "Four years at this dump?" "How can you stand it?" "This place is horrible." "It's not that bad." "It's not perfect." "It starts to kind of grow on you after a while." "Yeah, I'm sure it does." "Grows on you like a bad fungus." "If you like that, you should hear him fart the alphabet." "His mother must be so proud." "Who do you think taught him?" "I see you're admiring the new trophy case I just had installed." "Mr. Spunkmeyer?" "What happened to your face?" "It's just a mosquito bite." "You should see when I get a bee sting." "My head swells up like a pinata." "Oksana has to suck out the excess puss with a turkey baster." "Gross." "Yeah, man." "It really is." "So, where are all your trophies, anyway?" "They being cleaned or something?" "Yeah, we don't have any trophies." "You see, Fred, every summer we compete against Camp Superior in a grueling three-day competition called the Summer Camp Games." "And, wouldn't you know it, every year Camp Superior has taken home the trophy." "How long have these games been going on?" " Sixty-nine years." " Sixty-nine years?" "Four generations of Spunkmeyers have tried to bring home that trophy, with no luck." "But my grandfather had a prophecy that one day a very special boy would come to this camp and lead us to victory." "And, Fred, I believe with all my heart that special young boy is you." "Me?" "Really?" "No, not "you." I said "Hugh."" "As in Hugh Thompson over there Look at him!" "He's amazing!" "I had this T-shirt printed up to show my support." "Hugh can do it!" " You got it, Floyd!" " We're counting' on you, buddy!" "Where the heck is cabin thirteen?" "Hello?" "ls somebody there?" "Come here, boy." "I got somethin' for you." "It's a map of the campgrounds." "Whoa, there, Fred." "Where's the fire?" "Seriously, cabin five is not on fire again, is it?" "Please, Murray, you have to help me." "There's some crazy old guy trying to get me!" "Don't worry about it." "That's just Scary Gary, the maintenance man." "He's harmless." "Pretty much." "Scary Gary?" "If he's so harmless then maybe he should have a less menacing name." "Like Scary Barry or Scary Larry or..." "Joey." " Anyway, do you know how to..." " Way ahead of you, buddy." "And the answer to your first question is yes!" "I am dating Oksana, the foxy nurse right there." "Good for you, Murray." "And when I say "dating," I mean I haven't actually "talked" to her yet." "Wow, and people say I'm delusional." " What's that?" " Nothing." "Do you know how to get to cabin thirteen?" "It's right here." "Well, it looks nice." "Yeah, she's a beaut." "Here you go." "Best bunk in the cabin." "I was wrong." "Yeah, definitely this one." "So, Murray, where's the bathroom in this place?" "Here she is." "Word of advice." "If you have to use it at night, bring a buddy." "Couple years ago, one of the campers had a little accident." "And by "accident," I mean he fell in." "By "one of the campers," I mean it was me." "Worst five hours of my life." "Excuse me for a second." "I hate this place!" "So much!" "I hate it more than gym class!" "I hate it more than eating Brussels sprouts!" "I hate it more than eating Brussels sprouts in gym class!" "Which I had to do once for reasons that I'm not gonna get into right now." "Mark my words." "I will escape from this demented place." "I don't care if I have to tunnel my way out of here." "I sounded pretty cool, there didn't I?" "Yeah, I can be a pretty bad dude when I wanna be." "All right." "Time to tunnel my way out of here." "All right, you did it, Fred!" "Gammit!" "Nuts!" "Murray?" "Trying to leave so soon, Fred?" "What?" "No." "I was just going for a midnight jog." "You know what we do to kids who try to escape from Camp lwannapeepee?" "Tell them not to do it again, followed by some light tickling?" "Get it while it's hot, kids." "Today's gruel has a very special ingredient." "Gross." "Murray, did you cut up Fred and put him in the gruel?" "Oh, Mom, I had the most horrible nightmare." "I dreamt you sent me to the worst summer camp ever and also, I had this weird, sped-up chipmunk voice that got really annoying after a while." "Relax, Fred." "You're at home now." "It was all a bad dream." "No, Scary Gary!" "You are not my mom!" "How did everyone sleep?" "Howdy, kids, and welcome to the soothing sounds of Floyd Radio, whether you like it or not." "First, let's start off the day with some announcements." "It's another beautiful day here at Camp Iwannapeepee." "The birds are shining and the sun is chirping." "It's also the perfect day to take a nice morning swim in the lake." "Of course, if you're thinking about going for a swim this morning, don't" "We're still cleaning up from that chemical spill." " Seriously?" " Yes, seriously, Lawrence." " That lake is no place for children." " You think?" "This place is a nightmare!" "The food is terrible!" "I'm gonna have to hold my you-know-what for six whole weeks!" "Man, I could really use one of my dad's inspirational speeches right now." " Dad!" " Hey!" "There you are." "You've no idea how many refrigerators I had to go through to get you!" "Like three, at least." "Well, I'm glad you found me, Dad." " I could really use some cheering up." " That's what I'm here for, son." "Life throws you a problem, you just gotta put it in a headlock and hold on..." "Take that problem and you just gotta body slam that problem until you..." "You see, Fred, it's like this." "The key to your problem is you just gotta, you..." "This place is gross, Fred." "I can get through it, right?" "You got problems with a girl I'm there for you, son." "You think your music teacher's a vampire, I got no problem body slamming him." "This place?" "You're on your own." " You're not gonna give me any advice?" " Actually, I am." "Be cool, stay in school." "Knowing is half the battle." "Got milk?" " That's the best you've got?" " Yeah." "Good luck." "Because in this place, you're gonna need it." "You can't see me!" "Thanks a lot, Dad." "You've been a great help." "And in case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic!" "What am I gonna do?" "My dad can't even help me." "Bertha's not here." "And my poor mom." "I didn't even think about her." "She's probably worried sick about me." "Are you ever gonna pay for your pizza, ma'am?" "Because I really should get back to work." "Oh, just give me five more minutes, Randy." "And then we'll see." "Oh, Randy, Randy." "Hey, guys, I think someone saw us last night." "We have really got to be more careful, okay?" "God, if someone saw us and found out about the Rat Hole, we would be so busted." "I know." "Why?" "Sounds like crying." "Or a little girl laughing?" "Fred?" "Is that you?" "Yeah." "One second." "Give me one second." "Hey,guys." " Hey, were you just crying?" " No." "No, why would I be crying?" "I wasn't crying." "I hate crying." "Anyways, what were you guys doing?" "I heard you talking about a rat hole or something." "Rat hole?" "No." "We don't even know what that is." " I hate rats." " Yeah." " Okay." " Yeah." "It is okay." " Good." " So good." "So, we'll see you around?" "Peace out." "Oh, and be careful." "Not sure if you saw it, but that's poison ivy right there." "Poison ivy?" "Yeah." "You didn't touch it, did you?" "I think I know what poison ivy looks like." "I'm not an idiot." "Oh, the pain, the pain!" "Who would have known something called poison ivy would hurt this much?" "You take this, no?" "What?" "This is toothpaste." "It won't help my rash at all." "I need something like aloe." " Hello?" " Aloe." "Not hello." "Aloe." "Hello!" "We met many times." "You use paste for tooth, okay?" "Okay, Oksana." "Thanks." "All righty." "Got another sick one for you, Oksana." "This kid says it feels like his brain is turning into Swiss cheese." "All right, come on." "You know, I think there's something going around camp." "Somethin' really bad." "What?" "Suddenly, the woman screamed." "And she looked down, and in her hand were all that remained of her crumpled receipt." "The store had overcharged her for the plunger." "Geez!" "Even the scary stories here are horrible." "So it's a scary story we're lookin' for?" "I've got one that'll scare the pants off ya." "It happened 25 years ago..." "Tonight." "In these very woods." "According to this map, the camp should be right here." "This is hopeless!" "Whatever will I do?" "Hello?" "Answer me at once, strange fellow." "That creature in the woods was the most horrible thing known to mankind..." "The Crocobearimoose." "Wait, the what?" "Crocobearimoose" "He had the head of a crocodile, the body of a bear, and antlers of a moose." "He was actually a very ferocious creature." "Okay, but Crocobearimoose?" "That has to be the stupidest name I've ever heard in my entire life." "It's not scary at all." "He's standing right behind me, isn't he?" "Hey." "Crocky, what did you last eat?" "Your breath reeks, okay?" "There." "That's better." "Where's my head?" "What's going on?" "Where am I going?" "Where am I?" "That hurt!" "Where's my head?" "Where's my head?" "Some people say if you listen really closely late at night you can still faintly hear the sounds of old Crocobearimoose still chowin' down on that little boy's head." "Crocobearimoose?" "There's no such thing." "Right?" "He's right behind me, isn't he?" "Fred, no!" "No!" "No!" "No, Fred!" "It's Murray!" "It's Murray in a costume!" "It's Murray in a costume!" "Oh, man, Murray!" "I thought you were the Crocobearimoose." "I'm so sorry." "Honest mistake, Fred." "Seriously." "This stuff happens to me a lot." "Again, Murray, I'm really sorry for beating you senseless with a log." "Oh, not a problem there, Fred." "I'm sure I'll start to feel my legs again real soon." "Okay." "There's something really fishy going on around this camp, and I don't like it one bit." "Dear Mom, I hate it here at Camp Iwannapeepee." "I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it" "Hate it." "These last two weeks have been the worst of my life." "Every day I've tried desperately to escape this cursed place, but I'm met with failure at every turn." "Meanwhile, the other campers continue to act strange around me." "I keep hearing them whisper about some place called the Rathole." "And every day, more and more kids are getting sick from some mysterious illness." "Twice a day." "Okay?" "I even witnessed the staff putting weird blue pills in the food." "Now, are you sure the kids won't be able to taste this?" "Oh, I'm positive." "These are completely odorless and tasteless." " Good." " Here." "Why don't you try it out?" "I've stumbled across something very dangerous and I'm..." "Gammit, that hurts!" "Stupid mousetrap, look what you made me write." "P.S. To avoid this from landing in the wrong hands," "I'll be sending this letter via bird." "Here, bird!" "Bird!" "P.P.S. Catching a bird is way harder than I thought it'd be." "So I'm just gonna send it via sling-shotted mouse instead." "I hope it finds you well." "Hey, Fred." "You coming to the Mess Hall for some good old-fashioned gruel?" "Oh, no, you guys go on ahead." "I'll catch up with you later." "Coolio." "All right, come on, guys." "Yeah, like I'm gonna eat that stuff after I found out what they put in it." "It's time to get to the bottom of whatever sick, twisted plot is going on around this camp." "Time to put on my thinkin' mustache." "All right, Mustache, time to get to thinkin'." "This is hopeless!" "I can't think when I'm hungry." "What I wouldn't give for some cheese fries right now." "Cheese." "I love all types of cheeses." "Cheddar, mozzarella, Swiss." "Wait a minute." "What did Floyd say about that sick kid in the infirmary the other day?" "This guy says it feels like his brain is turnin' into Swiss cheese." "That his brain was turning into Swiss cheese." "And what eats cheese?" "Rats." "And where do rats live?" "Rat holes." "Brain." "Swiss cheese." "Rat holes." "Brain." "Swiss cheese." "Rat holes." "Wait a minute." "That's it!" "The pain!" "All right, now stay with me because I'm only gonna go through this once." "So, it all starts when Floyd and Murray put the strange blue pills in the gruel." "They serve the gruel to the unsuspecting campers." "The pills make you sicker and sicker as they slowly turn your brain into Swiss cheese." "Magoo, Chatter, Spoon and Dig, who are obviously moles working for the camp, take the body away." "Then they take it to..." "The Rat Hole." "That's when it's feeding time for Floyd Spunkmeyer." "Because, you see, our innocent head counselor isn't so innocent after all." "He's not even human." "He's a giant mutant rat creature." "Oh, gammit!" "I'm in way over my head here." "Hopefully my mom has read my letter by now and called the cops." "I'm going to starve to death!" "I need food!" "I haven't eaten anything in like..." "Two hours!" "Maybe the woods will provide me with proper nourishment." "Gross!" "Better, but it still is not very good!" "Hello!" "What have we got here?" "These berries look delicious." "Oh, wait, what if they're the poisonous kind?" "I'll just eat a bunch of these berries, and if I don't end up getting really sick, then I'll know they're safe to eat, right?" "You are so smart!" "I don't feel so good." "What is happening to me?" "Hey there, Fred." "Crocobearimoose?" "Is that really you or are the berries making me hallucinate?" "Of course it's really me." "I heard you weren't feeling very good so I came to cheer you up." "You did?" "Yeah." "Do you know what I do when I'm not feeling very good?" " What's that?" " I rap." "Do you wanna rap with me?" "Sure!" "My name is Fred I'm sick in the head" "Mess with me and you're gonna see red" "F to the R to the E to the D" "When you meet me I think you're gonna pee" "Your pants That's it" "I'm legit Yeah, see, I'm Fred Figglehorn, gammit!" "Yeah, we rule Yeah, we cool" "Open up your mouth and I'll feed you gruel" "I abuse, we gonna make a truce" "Found poison berries and you drank bug juice" "We tight, not loose I'm a cook your goose" "Stick with me I'm the Crocobearimoose!" "Peace!" "Yo, yo, yo, I'm not feelin' too good!" "I think I'm gonna..." "Red berries!" "He's fine." "He just ate no-no berries, which are bad." "Okay?" "Oksana, if you're not doing anything later, maybe..." "You could possibly, like, maybe..." "Lick a possum baby?" "No, not "lick a possum baby."" "Go on a date with me?" "No goat meat." "Only toothpaste." "Okay?" "Guys, I don't really think Fred has been adapting to camp life very well." "Tonight, after everyone goes to sleep, let's show Fred what Camp lwannapeepee is all about." "Let's take Fred to the Rat Hole." "No, please, please don't kill me!" "I'm too young and attractive..." "Where are you guys taking me?" "This isn't right!" "I'm not going in there!" "Please, I beg of you!" "Don't turn my brain into Swiss cheese and feed me to Floyd, the rat creature!" "Floyd the rat creature?" "Fred, what the heck are you talking about?" "Dig, hit the lights." "What in the what?" "Welcome to the Rat Hole, Fred." "We built this over a period of three years." "I did all the wiring and electrical stuff I'm good with that kind of thing." "I dug the hole." "Well, Chatter and I scrounged up all the wood from an old broken-down dock the camp wasn't using anymore." "This is incredible!" "So, what's this do?" "That had to hurt." "Soda shooter." "Now you tell me." "You gotta be fast." "Thanks." "You want anything to eat?" "Chips?" "Sandwiches?" "Cheese fries?" "I thought you said that you guys had cheese fries here, but there's no way." "I did." "Fred?" "Fred, are you okay?" "Fred?" " Cheese fries?" " Fred?" "Fred?" "Heaven." "Absolute heaven." "So, where'd you guys get all this food, anyway?" "Well, every week we give Scary Gary money and a list of supplies." "He goes into town and gets it for us." "And then at night, we just smuggle it down here." "In large green duffel bags?" "Yeah." "Thanks, Scary Gary!" "Okay, well, that makes sense." "But what about the blue pills I saw Floyd and Murray planting into the gruel?" "They're multi-vitamins." "Gruel on its own has like no nutritional value whatsoever." "All right, but what about all the kids getting sick around camp?" "Have you seen Oksana?" "I guess the sick boy to sick girl ratio did lean heavily toward the boy side." "I guess that explains everything." "What did you think was happening?" "Nothing at all." "Hey, guys!" "The new shipment's here!" "Is you-know-what inside?" "Oh, yeah!" "There it is." "It's the most beautiful thing I've seen in my whole life." "I think I'm gonna cry." "I can't believe I'm actually in the same room as..." "El Diablo." "We are so gonna fire this off tomorrow morning." "Good morning, campers." "We still got a lot of spaces available on the sign-up sheet for the Summer Camp Games in only two weeks." "In fact, the only person to sign up so far is the amazing Hugh Thompson." "So, please, come on down over lunch and sign up at the Mess Hall." "Don't you wanna be a part of summer camp history, everybody?" "Thank you." "By the way, that hemorrhoid break-out I was worried about?" "I've contained it to my cabin." "A lot of people think crevasses are holes, but that's not true at all." "Squirrels dig holes, snakes dig holes, and honey badgers dig holes." "This is it." "Fred, would you do the honors?" "Sure thing!" "Run!" "That can't be good." "Maybe it's a dud." "Seriously?" "That was awesome!" "That was so cool!" "Been a jockey?" "Been shot out of a cannon?" "Let me see your..." "Guys, sign up!" "Come on, we're gettin' a line here, buddy." "Hey, guys, I was thinkin'." "Maybe we should all sign up for the Summer Camp Games." "You know, it could be..." "Could be kinda cool." "Yeah, because losing is so cool." "Who says we're gonna lose?" "I don't know, maybe 69 years of Camp lwannapeepee history." "Floyd seems pretty confident in Hugh." "The guy really does it all." "Stunning." "Nice." "This place is a dump." "Let's face it, Hugh or no Hugh, we have no chance." "Camp Superior is just..." "What's a word that's the opposite of inferior?" "Oh, got it." "Camp Superior is just betterer." "Now, what does Camp Superior have that we don't have here?" "I don't know." "Jet skis." "Waterslides." "Waffle bars." "Clean-smelling air." "Horses with four legs." " And possibly monkey butlers." " Who cares about that stuff anyway?" "I do." "Okay, just tell me one thing, one thing that Camp lwannapeepee has that Camp Superior doesn't." "One thing?" "I can think of four." "Yeah, okay, I can't wait to hear these." "Spoon, Dig, Chatter and me." "Come on, here we go!" "Looks like we got a team." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Can you believe that?" "Magoo wants to compete in the Summer Camp Games." "There's no way we can win." "Of course there isn't." "It isn't." "It couldn't be." "Because there's no possible way that voice could belong to..." "Kevin!" "Guten tag, Figglestink." "Whaddup, dorknozzle?" "I'd say I was surprised to see you here, but that wouldn't be true." "A spaz kid for a spaz camp." "Snap!" "You just got Kevined, dogg!" "What?" "What?" "Oh, no, go around, dude." "Grab the elbow." "But when do we do the snap?" " No, dude, there's no snap." " There's a snap." " There's no snap!" " Don't yell at me." "Whatever." "We'll go over it when we're back at Camp Superior." "You guys go to Camp Superior?" "Obvi." "It's on all of our matching uniforms." "What do you think, we'd go here?" "This place stinks." "This place does not stink!" "You stink, Kevin!" "It literally stinks here." "I mean, seriously." "It smells like moldy cheese stuffed into a rotten skunk carcass." "Oh, well." "You know, that could be a number of things depending on the time of day." "Right now, it smells like it's probably a mixture between the outhouse and Scary Gary's socks." "I call 'em foot mittens." "So why are you here, Kevin?" "Me and the gang figured we'd go on a little field trip, scout the competish for this year's Summer Camp Games." "You don't have to worry because I, for one, will not be participating in your stupid games." "Save yourself the embarrassment." "You have no chance, Figglehorn." "We're stronger." "We're faster." "Better dance moves." "That was nice." "Okay, Kevin." "You guys may be stronger than us." "And faster." "But there is no way that you are better dancers than us." "Oh, yeah!" "Warming it up now!" "You think you're better than me?" " Huh, is that right?" " It's a competition now!" "Competition!" "Enough!" " I won." " No, you..." "This is ridiculous!" "Let's go, gulls" "See ya at the Summer Camp Games." "That's it!" "I don't care what it takes, I will beat Camp Superior." "Not for me but for Magoo, Spoon, Dig and Chatter, who wanna prove to this world that they, too, can be winners." "Not for me, but for Floyd, whose only dream in this life is to win that trophy." "Not for me, but for anyone in this world who's ever been bullied or picked on." "But mostly, I'll do it for me." "Because, man, do I hate Kevin." "Here we go." "They don't look so tough." "Yeah, they do." "I know." "I was just trying to be positive." "We're dead." " I know." " We're totally dead." "I see your camp is as charming as ever, Floyd." "Sweet mother of mercy!" "What happened to your face?" "It's a bee sting." "It looks a lot worse than it is." "I'm fine." "My trachea will open again soon." "I..." "I hope." "You're goin' down, Figglehorn." "I can't wait to watch you watch me win that trophy." "Well, Kevin, I hate to break it to you, but it's not gonna be me who watches you win that trophy." "It'll be you who watches me watch you watch me win that trophy." "Yeah!" "I don't..." "I don't know." "What?" "Welcome to the 70th Annual Summer Camp Games between Camp Superior..." "And Camp lwannapeepee." "Good luck to you all." "Is there anything you'd like to say here, now, Floyd?" "Of course." "I got nothin'." "I got nothin'!" "Come on!" "Well, campers, without further ado, let the games begin!" "Next up on javelin, for Camp lwannapeepee," "Hugh Thompson." "I got this." "So, Hugh, it goes without saying we'd be dead meat without you." "Thanks, Fred." "Hey, grab me a javelin, will ya?" "Sure thing, bro." "This would usually be the moment where I accidentally do something that screws everything up." "So glad it didn't happen, though." "So, so, so glad." "So glad." "All right, here you go, Hugh." "There it is." "Fred?" "Fred, what happened to Hugh?" "Fred?" "I don't know!" "I mean, he must have fainted!" "Yeah, he, he fainted." "I guess he just couldn't handle the pressure." "No, no!" "No, no, no, no!" "No!" "This can't be!" "Hugh, wake up!" "Wake up!" "Wake up, buddy!" "You're the one!" "You must lead us to victory!" "You guys, it's not a big deal." "I mean, we don't need Hugh." "We never needed Hugh." "The ability to beat Camp Superior was with us all along." "Right here in our hearts." "Watch this!" "Seriously?" "Ten points, Camp Superior!" "I'm sorry!" "Okay, guys, maybe we do need Hugh a little bit." "But we'll be fine." "You know why?" "'Cause we're the underdogs." "And if sports movies have taught us anything, it's that the underdogs always win." "Always." "Boom!" "Ten points, Camp Superior!" "Ten points, Camp Superior!" "Seriously?" "Ten points, Camp Superior!" "Ten points, Camp Superior!" "And so, after the first day of competition, the score is Camp Superior, 70." "And Camp lwannapeepee..." "Oh, man, that can't be right." "I got a zero, another zero, third zero, I'll carry the zero." "Yup." "Camp lwannapeepee has zero." "Yeah!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "What?" "What?" "I can't hear a thing, I can't, seriously I can't..." "I couldn't hear at all." "Sorry." "Tomorrow's another day!" "Get some rest!" "Yo, Figglehorn." "What's up, man?" "I just wanted to say that I really think you guys all did a fantastic job out there today." "Do you really mean it?" "No." " You just got Kevined again, dogg!" " What?" "What?" "No, no, no." "No, the pound, then explosion." "Oh, and then do we do the snap after that?" "No, no." "There's no snap!" "There's never been a snap!" "I'm..." "We should have practiced this before!" "Don't worry, guys." "We'll get them tomorrow." "Guys?" "Perfect." "So, you guys wanna hit up the Rat Hole tonight?" "Play some video games or somethin'?" "Eat some cheese fries?" "I don't think so, Fred." "We're not really in the mood." "Yeah." "I can barely even eat." "Just barely." "Come on, you guys aren't even gonna laugh at a burp?" "It's the second funniest sound the human body can make." "Sorry, Fred." "We're just bummed." "We're gonna lose the trophy again." "You were right before." "We shouldn't have even tried." "We're the worst." "No." "We're not the worst." "We're the best at being the worst." "Sure, maybe our camp isn't the prettiest camp." "Or the safest." "Or the nicest smelling." "But I say we're the best at being not pretty." "We're number one at being unsafe." "In the game of smelling bad, we earn the most points." "Camp lwannapeepee is the best at being the worst!" "We all are." "Wait." "So you're saying I'm not a bad cook?" "I'm the best at cooking' food badly." "Yeah, you are, Murray." "So I'm not bad at personal hygiene?" "I'm the best at not brushing my teeth." "You are exactly right, Lawrence." "So I'm not bad at being normal?" "I'm the best at covering myself in baby oil and wrestling wild raccoons." "Sure." "Why not?" "Some people might call us losers, but I say we're winners at being losers." "We're the best at being the worst." "Say it with me." "We're the best at being the worst!" "We're the best at being the worst!" "We're the best at being the worst!" "We're the best at being the worst!" "We're the best at being the worst!" "We're the best at being the worst!" "We're the best at being the worst!" "We're the best at being the worst!" "Are you sure you don't wanna just have Chatter do this?" "He is our best belcher." "Chatter's good." "But he's not that good." "Besides, we have science on our side." "This concoction will give my digestive system just the right mixture of nitrogen and oxygen to expel the highest quality eructation." "What?" "I'll burp good." "Oh, cool." "Wow, it's nice to see science provide humanity with something useful for once." "Right?" "Yeah." "Right, Fred." "Ten points, Camp lwannapeepee." "Iwannapeepee!" "Yeah!" "You were born for this!" "Come on!" "She's a little girl!" "You're a giant man-child and you love pie!" "You love it!" "Ten points, Camp lwannapeepee!" "What are you staring at?" "Dig your hole!" "Dig your hole!" "Dig your hole!" "Dig your hole!" "Dig your hole!" "Dig your hole!" "Ten points, Camp lwannapeepee!" "I'm disappointed in you." "You can do it, Chatter!" "I know you can!" "Is that your girlfriend?" "She looks like a man." "Ten points, Camp lwannapeepee." "Yeah!" "Beat that, Figglehorn." "Oh, I can't do this." "I don't know what I'm doing." " Archery is all about focus, okay?" " Okay." "Just imagine the most peaceful, most serene place you can and let gravity do the rest." "Okay?" "Peaceful, serene place." "Peaceful, serene place." "Peaceful, serene place." "Peaceful, serene place." "Your cheese fries are ready, sir." "Thank you, monkey butler." "Shall I dance around and act like a monkey while you eat?" "You shall." "Very well." "He's feisty!" "Peaceful, serene place." "Choke!" "Totally meant to do that." "Ten points for Camp lwannapeepee." "Holy Tim Tebow." "It's Fred." "He's the one." "The one what?" "The one my grandfather prophesized about." "The one that would lead this camp to victory." "I'm certain of it." "Or maybe not." "I don't know." "How's my face look?" "So, that leaves one final event." "The talent show." "This year will be a song-writing competition." "Each camp will have 24 hours to write a song that best exemplifies what is so special about their camp." "The winning camp will be awarded 30 points, so it's anybody's game." "Song-writing competition?" "Do any of you guys even know how to sing?" "Hello!" "You're looking at the single greatest singer the world has ever known." " Really?" " So, Figglehorn." "A song-writing competition." "Well, I know how good of a singer you are, Fred." "You guys have practically won this thing already." "Did I just get Kevined again, or..." "No, bro." "I mean, like, your singing skill is like..." "I can't say the words, you know?" "It's like that good." "You know, it's not my fault I gots the gift." "My pipes be a-slammin'." "Yeah, they be slammin'." "Well, see ya tomorrow." "Let's go!" " We are so toast." " No, we're not." "But, dude, you just said Fred's pipes be slammin'." " He's a good singer." " Are you serious?" "He's the worst singer on the face of the earth." "Okay, I just said that stuff to get in his brain." "You know how delusional Fred is." "He's gonna screw this up for sure." "And if he doesn't, well..." "We'll have to go to Plan B." "Man, you are one manipulative little kid." "Diesel." "That's the single most nicest thing anyone's ever said to me." "Now, come on, we got a song to write." "Yo, yo, I love to rap" "Rapper)', rap, a rap, a rap" "Catch you in a trap Give you a big slap" "I've got a map, a cap, a snap" "Pap, Pap, Pap There's no dog in my lap" "Or is there?" "You don't know" "Kick it, Diesel." "Take the mic, son." "Yo!" "Camp Superior!" "Uh-huh!" "Yo!" " Uh..." "Take it, Kevin." " What?" "Hip hop don't stop Drop it like it's hot" "Or don't!" "Or don't!" "I don't care" "We're the best at everything You don't dare" "Step to us I take the bus" "To school sometimes 'cause my mom can't take me, you know..." "'Cause she works some mornings But I make it work, 'cause I'm flexible, boy" "Camp Superior for life, son!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Did I just drop the mic?" "Give it up for Camp Superior!" "That was off the hizzy!" "Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I introduce to you our celebrity guest judge," "Mr. Simon Cowell!" "He looks different in person." "Mr. Cowell, what score do you give Camp Superior?" "Seven!" "Terrific." "Terrific." "Should have been a nine, bro." "Should have been a nine." "Just sayin'." "And now we have Camp lwannapeepee, who will be doing a number entitled..." "The Loser's Song." "How appropriate." "Oh, hey, Figglehorn." "Look, no matter what happens, win or lose," "I just want to say, you guys have done a great job." "Thanks, Kevin." "You know, it's funny." "I thought for sure you'd have some sort of evil plan up your sleeve to ruin my whole entire song." "Figglehorn!" "Evil plan?" "That's, that's absurd." "I know." "It was stupid of me." " Hey, go do a great job, man." " Okay." "You're gonna be great." " Is my evil plan ready to go?" " Yeah." "Plan B is in full effect." "Let's just say that our little homemade Gruel Blaster is hooked up and ready to go." "One flick of the switch and whoever's on the other end of that baby, is gonna get soaked with gruel." "Grueltastic." "No snap." "You can do this, Fred." "Well, our lake is green Our bunks unclean" "Safety here is unattainable" "Look at this guy." "He's practically handing us the trophy already." "And our smells are unexplainable" "We're unsafe, unsound, uncool, unkempt" "Uneverything that you are" "You truly live up to the name of the camp" "You're the Superior camp by far" "But seriously, you guys are jerks!" "It's time for the losers to have the spotlight for once!" "Hit it, Lawrence!" "Where'd they get the bubbles?" "This is for the losers" "Sing it all night long We're the losers" "There's nothing wrong with being losers" "This is where we belong We're losers" "Look at us!" "This is for the losers" " Hey, dude!" " What?" "It's catchy, man." "We're the losers There's nothing wrong with being losers" "This is where we belong, we're losers Look at us!" "This is for the losers" "Yeah, we'll get last!" "All night long we're losers" "And you'll get first!" "Nothing wrong with losers" "And we'll be best!" "We belong, we're losers" "At being worst!" " Plan B!" "Go!" "Hut!" " Okay!" "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincere pleasure to introduce to you the vocal stylings of our very own MC Spoon!" "I don't need a victory to tell me which camp is best, you see" "And you might think it contradictory" "It don't take a degree to see how much this place is right for me" "And you can disagree But I will guarantee from ocean to the sea" "From the bottom of Dig's hole to the top of the tallest redwood tree" "Hear my plea" "My thoughts My decree" "Write it up in big block letters" "Hang it up on the marquee" "There's no place I'd rather be than here at Camp Iwannapeepee" "This is for the losers" "Sing it all night long We're the losers" "There's nothing wrong with being losers" "This is where we belong, we're losers Look at us!" "This is for the losers" "Diesel!" "What's going on?" "What are you waiting for?" "Blow the gruel!" "Blast the gruel!" " Something's wrong!" "It's not working!" " You always screw everything up!" "I'm trying!" "Look at us" "This is for the losers" "All night long, we're losers" "Nothing wrong with losers" "We belong, we're losers" "Oh, yeah" "Camp Iwannapeepee" "Is the greatest summer camp in the world" "Mr. Cowell?" "Seriously?" "Yeah!" "No!" "No, no, no!" "Fred never wins!" "On!" "On!" "I deserve that trophy!" "I do!" "Nice undies, Kevin!" "No, look away!" "Well, that didn't go as planned." "Oh, what the heck." "Well, campers, it's a sad day here at Camp lwannapeepee, because it's the last day of summer camp." "And what a summer it's been." "You know, when we got together here six weeks ago, we didn't know anything about each another, but we're leaving here as a family, which is why we'll always be better than the kids at Camp Superior." "That and the fact that we won the hacking' Summer Games." "I mean, are you kidding me?" "It doesn't matter whether you win or lose." "What am I talking about?" "It does matter!" "It feels great to win!" "We beat Camp Superior!" "In your face, Camp Superior!" "In your face!" "Now, kids, from the bottom of my heart," "I'd like to say, one last time," "Iwannapeepee on you." "Iwannapeepee on you." "Iwannapeepee on all of you." "Now, I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but I'm only human." "I'm gonna miss you sweet children." "Until next summer." "Yes!" "Man, I'm really gonna miss you guys." "I just wish there was a way for all of us to stay connected." "I mean, besides the phone, texts, social networking sites, instant messaging and video chatting, there's really no way to keep in touch these days." "Yeah." "Oh, come on, you big lug." "You guys, group hug." ".Bye, guys." " See you. guys" "Wow, Mom." "You look like shoe leather." "Thank you, Freddy." "Freddy, I want you to meet my new gentleman caller, Randy." " Hello." "'Sup." "We may never have to pay for pizza ever again." "Freddy, did you have a good time at summer camp?" "Well, let's see, I got poison ivy on my face." "I ate bad berries and puked my guts out." "The bathroom was a disgusting hole in the ground." "The food was terrible." "None of the counselors knew what they were doing." "It was six weeks of living in the smelliest, grossest, most unsafe summer camp that has ever existed." "So, yeah." "Best summer ever." "So, Freddy, what else did you do?" "Well, I haven't gone number two since I last saw you." "Oh, that runs in the family, honey." "And I accidentally beat up one of the counselors with a log." "Can you believe it?" "That's not okay." "It happened, Mom." "It all happened."