"A GREAT GUY AT HEART" "Excuse me, what's the fastest way to the student town?" "This way." "You need a calculator?" " No." "Glasses?" "German?" " No." "Pants?" "American?" " I have pants." " Where?" "Here." " Everyone will make fun of you." "Student town is not an opera, come on." "Original Levi Strauss." "Look." "This is old." " What?" "It's brand new." " It's all worn out and damaged." "That's on purpose, it's rubbed to look older." "Come on, take that tuxedo off." "You can't go there like a penguin." "They'll see you're new right away." "Everyone picks on rookies." "Come on, hurry up!" "Sure..." "You're screwed without camouflage, mate." "Come on." "Great!" " It's tight." " It's not thigh, it's great!" "What are you doing there?" "Go away, fagots!" "Shame on you!" " What is it, old man?" "What is that?" "Get lost!" "Go away!" "Scram!" "Give me 9 grand." " I don't have it." " How much do you have?" "I have none, what grands?" " Oh, what a moron!" "Cops!" "Run!" "Radio student town." "Good evening colleagues." "Riblja Corba for you tonight, enjoy." "Jerk!" "What happened?" " I poured water on a voyeur." "His fly is already open." " Hey, he'll catch cold, zip your pants." "They're not mine, they put them on me." " Who?" " A guy on the street." "They took mine away." " Hop in, we'll dry you up." "Come on." "Come on!" "He's so wet!" "Why do you have bars on windows?" " Because of the maniacs." "Here's one!" " Don't worry, that one's domesticated." " You think?" "Who's this guy?" " You don't know him." " I want to know." "What's he doing here?" "Just to iron him and he'll leave." " I'm asking you." "Don't freak out, I'm in my room." " But he is too, and in your bed!" "What are you doing here boy?" " I got lost." " Got lost?" "Come on, scram!" "And close that fly." "Come on, go!" "He fell!" "If you like ironing, take my shirt." "Where did you find this one?" " Under the window." "Under window?" "You started taking maniacs." " When there's no one else, maniacs will do." "Leave me alone, you know I'm studying." "I can lift my head up." "Soon you won't be able to lift other things too." "You'll see tonight if I can." "99.32, day and night!" "What are your complaints?" " Food!" " Who asking you about food?" "No one!" "No one asks and no one cares!" "Besides bones everything from cans, and everything is cold." "I can't eat that!" " Tell me is something bothering you?" "Nurse is bothering me!" "I have to wait for a bed pan for half an hour, and she yells at me later!" "What are your feelings, is something hurts you?" "I want to know that?" "It hurts everywhere." " More specific please, from here to here?" "Where?" "From here..." "Specific, my feet hurt." "They're cold like ice." " And head?" "Head is hot." " Very good, very good." "While others sleep, I scratch myself, I'm all sweaty..." "Great!" " I don't know if it's great." "And occasionally it chokes me here." " Where?" "Right there, like someone is choking me, I don't have enough air." "How's your defecation?" " It's good." "But I don't have a bed pan!" "We heard everything, now I want to know your opinions." "Dehydration with itching and sweating, with increased sedimentation," "I'd say diabetes." " Alright." "What about you, colleague?" "I wouldn't rule out diabetes." " Why do you suspect?" "Say ah!" "I would add chronicle rheumatism." " Diabetes, rheumatism." "And you, colleague." " And colitis." " Oh, dear God!" "What do you think, colleague?" " I think this patient is just a bit more nervous." "You think?" " Yes, I do." "He's depressed because he's been treated badly in the hospital." "Everything on him is based on neural bases." " You're saying that like a layman?" "No professor, by term, neurosis vegetativa." "What's your last name, colleague." " First name Vladimir, last name Pesic." "I'll remember so you don't just go easy trough the last year." "We're treating him for a physical illness, he has constriction of lower extremities arteries." "He can't even stand or walk!" "I see that he can." " He can, but how?" "Look at that walk, like a duck!" "Please, tell us, why can't you walk?" "Because I'll pee myself!" "I'm waiting for a bed pan for an hour!" "You keep laughing, when you come to the exam, you won't laugh that much." "I'm here." " What is it?" " A bed pan?" " What bed pan?" "!" "When you go to the exam, take this bed pan, you'll need it!" "Why didn't you come at time, like other rookies?" "I was waiting for my uncle to sell a cow." " Good, you're no one without money here." "Double zero." " Can I use this shelf?" "You can if you know how." " Where are your books?" "Mine?" "Right here." "Hello!" "This guy again." "What are you doing here?" " Why do you care?" " Why are my things on the floor?" "Take a cigarette man!" "It's black day for you here today." "Our new roommate has arrived." "Where did he arrive?" " In my bed." "I've lost all this comfort here." "They erased me like I don't exist." " Oh, damn it." " Times are like that." "Where will you sleep now?" " On your place." "He'll be here, I'll be on your spot, illegally, and you're out." "Get it?" "I don't get it." " I feel sorry for you, but what can I do?" "You can't be illegal of illegal." " What illegal?" "What are you talking about?" "Rookie, be quiet, you're on trial period here." " What trial period?" "I'm the oldest in this room, and when you talk to me, close that zipper!" "You're the one to talk!" " Don't talk to much, you just arrived!" "I just arrived, but they already called me a faggot, took my pants, robbed me, and threw dirty water on me!" "Where?" " On the street." " They took his pants on the street." "But you have pants." " They put these on me." "And mine with documents and money took away." "When has anyone came to this room with money?" "Only robbed ones with books." "And now a fool on top of all." "What are you trying to say for eyes?" "You shouldn't have sell your cow, that's what I'm saying." "You should've stayed with her." " Cut the crap!" "How can you talk like that with a man who has PhD in law?" "You don't have a index yet and he has PhD." "Why doesn't he leave if he has a PhD?" "Why is he taking this place?" "Really doctor, how long will you sit here?" " And where should I go?" "Well someone must've need this diploma!" "It has to have some purpose!" " It does, just like yours will have one day!" "'Conditions under which emperor Caligula declared his horse as a senator and influence of that event on decline of Roman empire.'" " Some dissertation, like hell!" "Even horse could become a senator there." " That's why the declined." "What will I become here?" " A horse!" "Hi!" "I found you vodka, and cakes." " Great." "Put in on the table." "And find circus tickets, they're there, and leave." "Don't be back before midnight." " Circus is only two hours long." "It'll be a bit longer." " Make it shorter, girl!" "Everything is done fast these days, only you making things longer." "What's he doing to you when two hours aren't enough for him?" "For any possible options two hours are more than enough." "This isn't a whore house." "I need an atmosphere!" "Marriage atmosphere, huh?" "But please don't do those things on my bed." "I want my bed to stay virgo inctacta!" "None of those French merging and other things." "Ok, bye." " Bye." "Hi." "Where are you going with that bag?" " I have no idea." "Tell me, what's new?" " I blew it on the practical tests." "That's not new." " They kicked me out of the student down." " Since last year." "Now they kicked me out of the bed too." "That candle is bother you?" " Not the candle, but music does." "Music?" " Yes, music." "What else?" " My shirts, if you ironed them." "Two aren't finished yet." "What else do you want?" " Money." "I'll need money." " How much?" " How much do you have?" "I have less than you." "I spent my scholarship on vodka, cake, candle and circus tickets." "What circus?" " And on these decorations!" "What?" "Is something wrong with it?" "Nothing, I swear." "You look phenomenal." "Hell of a chick!" "But I'm not for that right now." " What are you for then?" "For nothing at the moment." "You really are for nothing!" "I already came in shock." " To flip out!" "I'm looking at you and thinking where will I sleep tonight." "You better wake up already!" " It's hard." "Can't you see no one cares, thinks or screw others?" "Maybe someone can screw someone, but no one can screw me." "Bye." "At heart." "Good guy at the heart." "Who has the rights on this bed?" "You, me or him?" "What right are you mentioning, rookie?" "Study that, study that thing you started." "And don't talk about laws." " Besides written, there are unwritten ones." "These are stronger." " And I'm stronger than you." "I said here." " Where are you going?" " I have some reception." "No sleep." "Good night." "It's 3 AM, don't have to be at work?" " I don't move until they bring me the tape." "What tape?" " Movie tape." "He's a movie director." " You're not in a hurry either?" "My job starts at 12." " At 12?" "Nice job." "If you don't mind me asking, where can I find that?" "Here." "Ember of talent has shine on me." " Writer mate, writer, don't you know him?" "How many writers are in this country?" "With me, in diplomacy, time is elastic." "I'm going." " Without me." "I deal." " Two." "Fifty thousand." " Pot." " Re-pot." "What's this?" " My latest book." " How much is worth?" "A good book doesn't have a price." " This one does, 200 dinars." "What about now?" "Here's a review!" "Look what people who know what good book is wrote." " Never mind the reviews." "I trust you." "Three queens." " Not enough." "You're not late for work either?" "I'm away on business, sort of speak." "You said they are schmucks, that they suck." "They do suck." " So why did I lose my last scholarship?" "Because you're a bigger schmuck than they are." "I hope you'll hit a truck like you hit my clothes!" "What?" "What are you staring at?" " Eat shit!" " You old fool!" "Good day, oh, lunch!" "Lunch!" "Soup in the bowl, chicken on the table." "Radishes, family around the table, great." "There's just one thing missing, Bourguignon." "One nice green, youngish socks, for my dear." "Spare eyelashes for you." "Red Star set for you." "For you..." "What all this means?" " It means that they defrosted me." " Congratulations, boss." "You look much better defrosted, it's like they warmed you up a bit." "Zivka, you're free to go." "Let's hear it." " Hear what?" "How much is your raise?" "17,5%" "Forget the percentage, how much many is that?" "I need money." " Look at her." "Why do you care?" "What kind of talk is this?" " Business talk, boss!" "Miss gets spare eyelashes, madam gets socks, mister gets scarf, and me..." "An empty bag!" "Be calm, Savo." "Defrost me too, boss." "17,5% and we'll see how much is that." "Sanja, please bring me two aminopyrines." "Defrost my hands that are ruined with cold water because you won't buy a boiler, and you're building a country house!" "Zivka, can we have lunch today." " No you can't, because on mention of money or my salary, you're taking drugs and sir is looking in the bowl!" "I'm looking for a handle." " I didn't eat it!" " But you ripped it off!" "Like everything else you ripped off, broke and destroyed in this house!" "Savo, please don't go on that level." " What level?" "What level?" "I'm bellow all levels long time ago!" "My house is in ruins!" "And the vacuum hose, taped with duct tape!" "Pins are lost, she threw my glasses to the trash can, and she's asking for a raise." " Should I work for free?" "You should pay me for those tiles you broke." "What tiles?" " What tiles?" "Come here." "Come here to see what tiles!" "Here are the tiles!" "And faucets, you twist them like a wild animal!" "And shower, look at the shower." "And because you keep forgetting the shower oven, heater and iron, I'll go mad!" "Savo, please calm down." "Of course you should calm down." "Listen, maybe I'm not an ideal helper but what kind of family are you?" "What are you thinking?" "Father in worst years, grumpy and nervous." " Do you hear this?" "You're mentioning nuthouse all the time." "You destroyed you're wife, she's popping pills, she's just inhaling all day, she's for nothing, she can't bring a chair anymore." "I have to play mother on parenting meeting when they're mentioning your daughter." "Don't talk stupid!" " You don't talk stupid!" "She's a bigger problem than school reform." " Just talking, just talking." "And this one, he'd sell you all for one Pizon." "Red Star, Red Star, Red Star!" " Shut up!" "You think you'll find a better job with that mouth?" "Something with less labor, my feet are swollen from all that ironing," "I know, but she didn't!" "I told you she's ironing with her feet." "I'm ironing with my hands, and I'm standing on my feet!" "I'm dying until I iron your 30 shirts for a lousy salary!" "And you're always eating something!" "That's why you're swollen." "By the way, you're dressed better than my wife." "That's right, that's right." "But by the way, that's not the matter of money, but good taste!" "Savo." " Yes, honey?" " Pay her, and kick her out." "Right away!" "Right away!" "What are you doing you blind fool?" "I hope they'll put you in that same sheet!" "Mom, I'll go crazy!" "So you still didn't find a help?" " No, we're not in a rushy situation." "Great, situation is great!" " And who is this?" "That's my husband." "The boss, believe it or not, the boss." "Listen, listen!" "If you don't stop cleaning the carpet while my laundry is hanging you'll hang too!" "That will be the end of you!" "Let it go!" "Let that carpet!" "So, the kitchen." "This is your stove?" "You mean this?" "No, we do laundry here." " And where do you wash the dishes?" "I don't do it at all, and you'd to it here." " So by hand, primitive." "Do you have an ironing machine?" "You mean iron?" " Machine madam, a device." "Savo, come here!" "2" "Madam!" "Excuse me." "You again!" " Yes, me." "What are you looking and writing down?" " I'm giving you points." "All minuses." "Terrible, terrible." "Market is 20 minutes away, and instead of super drive, laundry pole." "I don't see a garbage outlet either." " Garbage is here." "What outlet?" " Nice on, you put the trash and it goes." "Or maybe you're doing it primitive, with buckets?" "In buckets!" "In buckets, you see?" "You're mistaken." "I didn't want to marry you, I need someone who'll work, work!" "To work?" "If you want someone to work than you should buy a vacuum cleaner." "And don't hit carpet with this!" " My vacuum cleaner was destroyed by one like you!" "She bite off my hose!" " Poor girl, she must've starved!" "Run woman!" "Run, run, woman!" "At least you're saved from this misery, run!" " Mom, don't yell, you're bothering me." "I am a bit expensive but I have a diploma, here." "Lena?" " Yes?" " She has a diploma too." "What's this diploma?" " Masseur course." "I'm graduated masseur, madam." "Excuse me, who do you think you'll massage here?" " Mister, for example." "He looks very worn out." " And how do I look?" "Good, but you should maintain yourself if you want to stay firm and tense." "Like this!" "That's like a rock, I don't wear a bra at all!" " Savo!" " Yes?" "Do you have medical certificate?" "Here you go." "So you're healthy?" " I am, but what about you?" "Me?" " Yes, where is your medical certificate?" "What's the meaning of this?" " It means that the last employer tried to violate me." "He looked quite normal, just like you." "I changed seven of them, they all looked normal." "I don't trust anyone anymore." "Seven men violated you?" " Two." "Fifth tried to cut his veins, three of them tried to elope with me, all nice and fine gentlemen, like you." " Just like me?" "I'm sick of other people's dramas." "I have my fiancee." "Do I look like him too?" " Savo, you don't look like anyone." "One more thing, I don't receive any gifts at all, just so you know." "I'm an honest girl, if that's fine with you." " No." "It's not fine with me?" " How?" " Easy." "I only look nice and decent, but in reality I'm bad." "I very much like to violate honest girls, to elope with her, give her a gift, and cut my veins!" "No one normal will respond to this ad, just morons!" "What's wrong it it?" " It has to reflect our family between the lines, that we don't take anyone." "That we have our level and our style." "So nothing is showing between my lines?" " You only have one line." "It shows you don't want a house maid, but to pay less as possible for the ad." "Write!" "You write too." "Can't you see I'm flipped, I have to chill!" " What did she say?" "She said she flipped and she have to chill." "You want a translation?" "That's why I married you." " To be a translator?" "No, to raise my children, I don't understand them at all." "Because you live in a flowerpot." "In a flowerpot?" " In a flowerpot." "You have a general in your head, just giving orders!" " What is she saying?" "Never mind her, looney, just talking." " Sit down and write." "No way dad, I'm already late." "Give me a grand." " I'll kick you in the ass!" "You write, when you don't have authority with your children!" " To write what?" "Write:" "Serious, intellectual, a four-member family" "Serious..." " Intellectual, a four-member family" "Needs." " Family..." "Faster, faster." "Needs." " Needs." " Serious." "Serious." " Working." "Confident." " Confident." "Doorbell..." " No doorbell, confident!" "House maid, capable for all kind of work." "... all kind of work." "Doorbell." " Doorbell rings." " It does." "Are you deaf?" "Get up and answer!" "Code: ideal family!" "My neck will go blue because of you two!" "My neck will..." " Ideal family!" "Alright, so we have, one, two, three." " Don't count, give it as it is." "New offer." "We need a house maid." "I am a male house maid." "Yes, but that's not the same." " That's better." "Unless you, for some reason, don't insist on someone of the opposite sex." "Me?" " I think that sex is not matter at all." "Excuse me, what do you think it's important, young man?" "Important is that I don't have complexes." "I like labor, and trust me, I can take it." "I trust you." " While I clean the carpets or wash windows," "I'm setting a balance between intellectual and physical work." "What are you doing intellectual?" " Going to college." "You think to finish college here?" " In time." "And now, first of all, if you like a cup of coffee." "Just to see my cooking skills." "That way?" " That way?" "How do you mean?" "Who can't find a way in a kitchen in two minutes, kick him out of the house!" "Savo, what all this means?" "Do you hear me?" "What this means?" " Bitter or sweet?" "Two bitter." " Your small oven isn't working, I'll fix that." " Fine." "Cream, he's the man, dad, but he's maximal." "Savo, speak." "Speak." "Wait a minute." " What to wait?" "He's making coffee!" "I'll fix all malfunctions in the house." "For good luck." "Handy man won't come here again." "This is for you." "About the salary..." "Coffee?" "How do you like it?" "It's great." " I can make cabbage rolls in vines, soup, eggs, roasted chicken." "About sweets, pancakes, donuts and chess cake." "Coffee, good?" " Great!" " About the salary..." "How much did you pay before?" " 300 grand. - 300 grand." "I'll take half of that." "Yes." "Just half." "And I'll please you and your daughters." "Daughters?" " Yes, both." "One and the other." "Only thing I ask is peace between 16 and 24 o'clock." "That's my studying time." "You know, I'm in medical school." "I'll be in my room, and please, no interruptions." "Will you show me?" "What?" " To show me my room." "Your room?" " Yes, a place where I can isolate and where no one will bother me." "Yes, yes, yes." "Yes!" "This way." "Come with me." "This way?" " Yes, that way." "What's wrong with this one if I may know?" " Him?" "The man is a medical student!" " I don't know what's wrong with you when I have to pay a man to dust around here." " What's wrong with me?" "Here's what's wrong!" "Here!" "Take a look!" " Please." "I don't want to look at your films of kidneys and sixth lumbar vertebrae." "Do you want to put me in orthopedic chair to watch tv, and you know dust is hurting my sinuses and buzzing is causing my migraines." "And your daughter is hurt and cannot work!" " Muscul fiber!" "Is that so?" "You get that in disco?" " Because I'm only going at hawk!" "At hawk!" "So neighbor, now you take it and wash it." "What the hell is this?" "Like this isn't a yard but Texas!" "Who is this?" " Jade protected by law." "Mom, for God's sake!" "You'll remember me, you'll remember me!" "I'll put my carpets all over the yard so we'll see where will you go!" "I have a cure for you too neighbour." "Here's the official law, it's all written here, how to park a car in the yard." "Here you go neighbour!" "Read it while you wait for the traffic light." "There's a cure for you too!" "I'll sue you!" "Go fuck yourself!" " What did you say?" "What did you say?" "Rattletrap, rattletrap!" "Old rattletrap!" "Are you talking to me?" " No, to that bitch down there." "You old rattletrap!" "Comrade!" "New books, new editions!" "We're on a break, comrade." "Come back some other time." "Where's your boss?" " On work." " And what factor are you?" "Male house help." " Well done!" "You found your way!" "And we're supposed to work like this?" "We can't wait anymore!" " It's best if you leave." "To leave?" " Yes, you soil and I don't even know how are you." "You can see who we are, mate, a couple of idiots!" "I'm pleased to meet you." " But I'm not pleased." "We've come to the roof and he didn't pay for the first shingle." "We work like horses man and no one is paying us!" "Believe me, I have no idea." " Do you have idea where's his wife?" "I know, in shopping." " In shopping?" " Yes." "Damn bandits!" "You see how they live their life..." " And we're working..." "Say hello to your boss." "Knife in the back, my friend, that's knife in the back!" "First you put it under our throat!" "Now you put it in our backs, all the way!" "And you know our feet are hanging." "People say 'Never spit in the old well'." "I have long arms, I'll put that knife out, and where will I stab it later..." "You can't even imagine where!" "What's this." " Spinoza, Breiser, Dostoyevsky, Krleza." "You said you're a diplomat." " By birth, I was born with it." "Don't bother me." " Collected Andric, collected Krleza, this isn't but it's rewarded." "To put them here, to remove this pap." "That's a shock for every client." "Classics in the office, are you insane?" " What do you want from me?" "To redeem yourself." "Thieves and pirates gave to the church, you give to the culture." "How do you mean?" " Credit." "Without part, interest, you just nod you head and Spinoza is yours." "Lui is yours, Krleza is yours!" " Why should I nod?" "Because you cheated on cards!" "You took my last scholarship, and by cheating!" "Redeem yourself with this." "Publisher will be pleased, your conscience will be clean," "Me on my own..." "Don't pay anything until they sue you." "So the whole set." " Yes." " Good choice." "Get out." "Where are you going?" "Can't you see I have a client?" "Sit down, sit down." "We'll finish in a second." " We won't!" "You heard." "Mister Mitrovic, we're still waiting for your reply." "On what?" " On our sister's lawsuit!" "I'll reply to the lawyer." "As far as I know your sister has a lawyer, this country has laws, and laws are put in effect by court!" "And I don't know what are you putting in effect here gentlemen!" "Will you claim that child you've made or not?" "Wait, I think this isn't the time or place for that kind of talk." "Client, my business partner is listening." "Let him her, soon will your wife hear, and children!" "And other clients!" " Pajo, don't, don't." "That's some new way to determine who's the father?" " A shorter one." "Like mandatory ticket for bad parking?" " Exactly." "People, I mean gentlemen, I don't even know what your sister look like and while she was working here I barely saw here, in elevator mostly." "If you hired a lawyer to pay him instead of paying alimony, and the court starts to drag out that forever, until everyone wash their mouth with our sister, you're looking at naked chicks here!" "If you play stupid, we'll judge you!" "Without lawyer!" " Colleague, please write these threats if something happens to me." "If something happens to you, notes won't help you then." "You'll be my witness?" " What will I witness, don't put me in that." "You were here, you heard the threats!" "What should I do?" "To keep quiet?" "Be a man!" "Be a good guy?" " What good guy?" "Good guy at the hear!" "Accept that child, so what if he's conceived in elevator?" "Wherever it is, it's yours!" "Get out!" "What are you doing here?" "Money!" " Can't you see I'm with a client?" " Money!" "Sit down, sit down." "We'll finish quickly." " Not until you pay up!" "First of all, I don't allow you to burst like that, you have a phone!" "We have the phone, but we don't have the money!" "Money, you understand?" "I understand, and don't yell at me!" "I should sing to you while you watch at naked chicks and drink whiskey in working hours?" "People, will you work or not?" " We won't!" "We won't!" " We worked enough." "Listen, you lie to me, I lie to them." "They grab my throat, I grab your throat." " We want to kick ass, man!" "Take it easy." "Will you pay or we'll stop?" " Money on the 1st." "We're in Tutin on the 1st, building a pigsty." " In that case I have no responsibility." "In that case I'm taking the roof off, taking the tiles and rest of the bricks away." "Take the cement too, like you already did." " I'll use that to close your door." "Go in trough the chimney." " I'll close the chimney too!" "So you can eat cold shit!" "Excuse me, comrade, your boss, not you." "Rascals!" "They stole everything from me." "Building log missing, I'm paying everything double." "And you're asking for your scholarship!" "Take it!" "You need it much more than I do!" "Take your places!" " Vule!" "What are you doing here?" " I'm waiting to be shot, as a hostage." "For what money?" " 3 grand." "I just fall down when they shoot." " When will they shoot?" "Who know, they're just arguing like women, look at them." "If Germans were shooting like these guys do, who knows where would we be?" "Look at Rasa." "Rasa!" "Come here." "Hello Rasa!" "I made him an occupant, they pay more money." "Do you want it too?" "It's better than to carry those bags." "That's better than to roll on the sidewalk." " I'm rolling as a positive victim." "I'm playing a hero, I have honor." " You have honor, I have a room." "What room?" " Just for me." "Hold on, where to?" " Hostage, on your position, we're shooting." " Leave me alone!" "Vladimir!" " I'll be right there!" "Good day, madam." " Good day." "Will you please take this mirror off?" "Hold it please." " Here you go." "I mean, is this going with this if I have this on my head?" " For me it is." "I mean, for you as a man." "For example you're a man, and I go by you." "By you..." "Madam, I would certainly turn around for you." "Really?" " Yes, and I'd whistle, like this." "Good God, Vladimir, what are you thinking?" " Everything." "Everything is going trough my mind, but I would just say "What a chick!"" "Chick?" " Chick." "Kitties, those are the ones in jeans." "For you I'd say "What a chick"." "Thank you for that." " And what would some of my friends say..." "I can't even tell you that." " What would they say, Vladimir?" "Excuse me." "My onion will burn." "Vladimir!" "Vladimir!" "Yes?" "Yes, madam?" "I'll inhale deeply like this, and you pull." "But we have to hurry." " Pull." "Lunch will completely burn." " Let it burn!" "Don't sniff, pull!" " Can't you smell it burns?" "I can't, pull it!" "What will you eat today?" " I won't eat anything." "I have to lose 250 grams." "I want to be a kitty." "A kitty!" "Since when do you cross before eating?" " Since this one cooks." "You better do it too." " Is that so?" "I went to the surgeon today." "What did I say?" " Some surgeon." "Not some surgeon, but Dr Sizovic himself!" "And what does Dr Shizovic say?" " Not Shizovic, it's Sizovic!" "He said he'll take me for a treatment." " What treatment?" "Lifting!" "What is this today?" " Ironing, dad, straining." "Take off that hat, moron!" " What can I do when I've faded out earlier with you." "What can surgeon do about that?" " Tightening dad, polishing." "Even children know that." "Facial surgery, dear." "It cost a lot, but it pays off!" "I just want to survive this lunch." "I want to laugh without consequences." " What consequences?" "I don't want to have these wrinkles around my eyes." " Dr Sizovic..." " Hi!" "You're invited to a vampire ball tonight." " What vampire ball?" "Translate!" " Parent meeting, dad." "I'm finally invited to some ball!" "Video mixer, sign for it." " I can't." "Father or mother!" " I'm your step mother." "Step mother?" "And what are you to me?" "Why do I have to do everything?" "You're more similar to a vampire." "Unfortunately, that's correct." "That's correct." "It's important that you laugh without consequences." "That you don't wrinkle, feeble and grow old!" "Leave the consequences to me!" "I'll wrinkle, feeble and grow old for you!" "What is it?" " I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you, some men were looking for you." "What men?" "What did they want?" " To beat you." "Savo!" "Confess!" "When will that crying stop?" "As soon as you reach the verdict." " Only justly verdict can calm us down!" "I'm rocking him, your honor, but it doesn't help." "You honor, is it necessary to be rocked here in front of you?" "It's best that you take him home, so you rock him!" " Order!" "Order!" "Leave the court room." " Us?" "Why, your honor?" "Public is excluded here." " We're not public." " We're the brothers." "Uncles!" " Someone has to hold him, your honor." "Take the child out too, I don't know why did you bring him" "To see his ears!" " What ears now?" "Just like his!" "He has his ears, your honor." "I said, get out!" " Let's go, brother." "Respondent Mitrovic, stand up." "Are you denying that you're the father of underage child born 17.11 last year by the mother of present Anita Slavkovic?" " Absolutely!" "She claims that you had intimate relationship last year." "During the entire probation!" "She can claim what ever she wants." " And what do you claim?" "What do we claim?" "I'll say it right away." "I'm sorry, your honor." "You just sit please." "We claim this, that stuff here are said by heart, made up, and that they want to get money without working!" "Please, we don't have any intimate relationship with anyone for a long time!" "What is this guy talking about?" " Allow me, please." "Time when we turned around for every skirt is very far behind us." "We have other troubles." "Times when the flame of desire was burning every day and eyes wander in search for the opposite sex, are far behind us." "I don't understand anything!" "Your honor, you surely understand me?" " I do, but skip me." "Alright." "So, my client is an export chief, secretary of executive board, member of business board." "Marks of every day meetings can be seen on this tired face." "His organism is exposed to office decibels and phones, eroded with coffee, tobacco and alcohol." "Tortured on numerous business meetings, troubled with irregular eating, irregular stool, if you'll pardon me, which troubles him, of course." "Add to that four unpaid loans, two recessed children, unfinished country house, protected subtenant, and you'll realise that before us we have typical victim of consuming civilization." "Worn out man who cares about sex like for last years snow." "And If we'd squeezed him into tubes, we wouldn't find anything alive there." "Nothing that could make and create a new life!" "Dixie!" "Do you agree with the words from your lawyer?" "He's exaggerated a bit." " In what way?" "Well..." "That time..." "Isn't completely behind me, I mean, completely." "Are you capable or not?" " In one way." "What does that mean?" " It means I'm a monther." " What?" "A monther." "What is he saying?" "I don't understand!" "Explain that." "What monther?" "That's the name for a man who can do it only once a month, tops." "I have a wife, far prettier that this woman, and nothing for three months." "Everyone is a monther with his own wife!" "What months, and stupidity?" "He chases every girl until one of them accepts!" "And where did you accept?" " In the elevator." "He was driving me up to 6th floor to the basement until I agreed to meet with him." "You didn't hesitate much!" " I needed the job sir," "I failed on three probation until I got smart and pleased the mister!" "And now he'll please me and my two brothers," "Child will have a father, last name and alimony!" " And grated radish!" "Please, allow me." "When it comes to that that courts must find parents to poor children, then perform the necessary analysis on us!" "Please, we'll give the blood, if we have to!" "We'll give the sperm!" "We'll give the spinal cord if we have to!" "Everything except alimony!" "I don't need the sperm, give me the alimony!" "Grated radish!" "Vule!" "What are you looking over there?" " Who's that chick?" " Go around the house!" "Who is it?" " It's me." "Come in." "You're studying?" " Like you see." " Just study." "What is that?" "Ophthalmology." "Complicated?" "A man is complicated." "His secrets are here." "And those..." "Spermatozoa?" "Spermatozoa." "There's that too." " There is?" "Is it here?" "Do you want to know something specific?" "Just theoretical." "Those spermatozoa for example." "What about them?" " I'm wondering that too." "Very interesting case, a man in certain age, he's older, has two children and the doctor said he's sterile." " What man?" "One guy in my company." "They made that spermogram for him..." "Bless you." " Thank you." " And..." "I want to know how is that possible?" " Well..." "Maybe he was overdoing it." " In what?" "In drinking for example." "Too much cigarettes and alcohol and tomorrow on the test, results are lousy." "You don't say..." " And plus if..." "If you'll pardon me..." "If he had 5,6 intercourse... 5,6 in the month?" " What month?" "In the night, in a row." "In a row?" "Oh, yes, yes!" " In the morning..." "Just water." "What water?" " To be honest, lousy one." "Just dripping, like when the faucet is leaking." "What do you know..." "Science is a great thing!" "Bless you!" " Thank you" "Yes, well..." "You keep studying!" "You should study, you should!" "Yes, yes!" "That's right!" "Did he leave already?" "Should I look at this a bit more?" "It's best to sleep before the exam." " I can't sleep before exams." "I'm all nervous, just scratching." "And that chick is in my head." "What chick?" "You're here to spend the night and nothing more!" "Can I piss somewhere here if I have to?" "You can piss but trough the window." "No way in hell over there!" "I'm tuning tomorrows report." "You tuned yourself nicely!" "Why did you smoke this much?" "I'm nervous before tomorrows performance, planing of the whole project." "Spermatozoa." "Dear, I'm not sleepy tonight, and you?" "I am sleepy!" " This night reminds me on that night when we first met." "You were sober then." " I was full of zest and hope!" "You were happy." " You'll sleep in the chair tonight." "I told you, I'm not sleepy." "Then go outside and walk." " I don't want outside, I want next to you." "What are you thinking?" " Come to your Savo!" "Go away!" "Go away!" " Come to your Savo!" "Drunken fool!" "Don't be like that dear!" "Take the chance you have!" "Get away from here, you stink of tobacco and alcohol!" "Dear, a real man smell." "A real man smell!" "Leave me, you haven't touched me for three months?" "What's with you?" "Why the hell did I get marry if I can't do in one trimester?" "So you can give me your rascals so I have to deal with them while you're on fake business trips." " I go to that trips because of you." "I'm building that country house for you." " Like a Chinese wall!" "Just tonight, and you don't have to anymore." " I don't have to tonight either!" "I'll scream!" " Wait, wait a minute." "Just 5,6 times in a row, and that's it!" " Shame on you!" "You drunken fool!" "You dog!" "Spermatozoa..." "It suits me right when I'm dealing with drunk." "A burglar!" "A burglar!" "Savo, Savo, burglars!" "Don't play hide and seek, Savo!" "Savo!" "Do you hear me, you drunk?" " Hear what?" "Spermatozoa?" "Your house is filled with burglars!" "What is it?" " Burglars." " Not burglars, but idiots." "Two idiots." "I have to pee somewhere, I can't do it in my hands." " What is all this about?" "Sir, let me introduce you, this is my friend." " We know each other." "Why do yo have to talk to him?" "Kick those scums out of here!" "Madam, act as a lady." "And address to me politely." "And who are you to be polite with?" " Your husband's business partner." "He's making fun of me in my house." " Madam, he's in my room, I took him in." "Vlado, you'll go out alongside him." "And why are you nodding like a horse here?" "What partner?" "Business partner, honey business!" "Savo..." "What's wrong with her?" " I have no idea." "Madam?" "Madam?" "You shouldn't have." "There's more dad." " These are all documents so you take a look." "Big job is waiting for me, the whole business board is waiting for me." "Come on." " I don't see anything here." "Neither do I." "Neither do I." "When I got married I was completely healthy." "I could've pull out horses tail." "I was laughing all the time," "I have no idea what's wrong with me now." "No idea." "How are you?" " Get out of my sight!" "Do you want anything?" "To empty the whole house from your business partners." "And tell that Kawasaki madman not to walk around the yard naked." "When I come back..." " Maybe you won't find me when you come back." "If you don't confront him." " What do you mean confront?" "Physically!" "If you're a man." "Don't forget about the meeting." "Dad, that bitch cut your tires." "I warned you not to stink in front of my window, I did!" "What's that?" "Screaming all night long." "Honest man can't sleep because of them." "Just coming in and out trough the window." "What is it?" "You won't slaughter me will you?" "My laundry!" "Laundry!" "I'll sue you to the police!" " Feel free!" "How much longer?" "And when I come back, I'll deal with you too!" "I don't know how you imagine that." "You see with what fools do I live here?" "Let's see one more question." "That would be seventh." " Why?" "Are you tired?" "No, but I think I knew." "You did know, but for what grade?" "For a D." "What lack of ambition." "And I'm thinking should I give you a B or an A." "Give me a B." "Don't you want to have an A among all these D's and C's for a final grade?" "This is your final exam." "At least to be perfect in something." "I'm far from perfection, comrade professor." "We're all far from perfect, but we should aim to it." "My dear, you have to have that desire in your hear if you want to go forward." "B!" "Colleague, all the best." "Here you go." " Thank you." "Hurry up, please." "Where?" "Bring a sperm specimen." "Is there something unclear?" " How do you think I can do that?" "Do I have to teach you?" "Refresh your memory." "Ridiculous..." "No one even asks do I feel like doing..." "That." "Hello." " Hello, boss." "What's that crowd in front?" " Probationer competition." "We have to hire young people, we've become a wax museum." "Boss, they're waiting for you." " On what position will he be hired?" " On yours." "What will he do on my position?" "What is that new gossip." " Checked, boss." "Sojic is getting a probationer, and part of your assignments alongside." "Bajic is taking the second part." " And I'm taking seeds selling?" "Reorganization, boss." "Silent, around one." "Silent around one." "Mala Krsna via Lapovo!" "Boss?" "Boss, where to, they're waiting." " Let them wait!" "Listen, Sojic." "I've survived 4 of your reorganizations, I'll survive the 5th too." "What do you want, Mitrovic?" " I want to be known, I've got an ulcer here, and I'll get my pension here!" " You want your pension?" " Like hell I do!" "What does he want?" " I want to warn you." "I have eyes on my back, here!" "I see everything is going on here, and I have long arms too." " Mitrovic, we're working." "That thing you do won't work." "I'll be the last one who'll leave this company, when it's locked, I'll lock it last and hang the key on the nail!" "We're not for that key I hope?" " We're near, as soon as you hire those from the hall." "The key is here too!" "Hair is growing from their ears!" "Loafers and lazy scums!" "Disco maniacs in crazy shirts, punks!" " We won't hire all of them, just one." "Just don't hire a junkie, if he doesn't get high in the morning he won't work." "And it's best if he has an earring, that's a good sign!" "Next!" "Comrades, conversation about order in our working organization is now in session, which is best shown trough the graph that you can see right here." "Blue line is showing productivity." "Red one, export tempo, green one, foreign exchange inflow, and black one total income." "They're all black for me." " Moment is bad, that's true." "To be more accurate, it's awful." "This is the last chance, comrades, to raise the question of responsibility, that everyone reports his work, and if necessary to suffer the consequences for his work." "Comrade Mitrovic, please." "Why me?" " Because the situation is worst in your department." "I don't want to say it's critical." " I can't accept that." "I wouldn't say" "that the state is disastrous," "critical or worst." " And what would you say?" "Where do you see the solution here?" "Why is this looking like January temperature?" "Because sick leaves." " What sick leaves?" "Fake and redundant." "You have the records here about all those sniffing, sneezing and lying around." "For every cramp and sneeze we go to the doctor, we take sick leaves!" "Healthy people are lying in spas, giving their blood, taking X-rays, and the work is here, suffering!" "I have a suggestion." " We're listening." "To found a special commission that will examine all those sneezes, all those lumbago, all those sciatica, all those whining and faking!" "Are you finished?" "Do you have anything more to say?" "Colleagues, we have here an unsolved case, patient without diagnosis." "He's completely apathetic, he doesn't respond." " Can I ask him a question?" " No." "No, no." "He refuses to cooperate with medical staff." "He's refusing all contact with his family." "Some of his syndicate fellows came to see him a few days ago and he kicked them out." "Does he speaks with anyone?" " Yes, with himself." "But even then, he's very angry if anyone interrupts him during that dialogue." "I think this is thyroid." "Specific look, convex eyes, it's thyroid." " What do you think, colleague?" "Sclerotic malformations on blood vessels." "And you, colleague?" "I think we should kick him out of the hospital." "Colleague, you're a young doctor." " A doctor, not a veterinarian, that patients bite me and kick me!" "They kicked me out of the house, yard, cottage house, court room and office, but not from the hospital!" "Doctor's diploma allows us to help people against their wishes." "But you have to be worthy of that, and not to hide like some colleagues here." "Step up, please, let's see what you know." "I don't know that much." " After six years of studying..." "If I'm not wrong your basic opinion is that everything is based on neural bases." "Then now you'll explain us what is causing this man to suffer." "Bad life." " What bad life?" "I mean, wrong one." "Please tell me, so I can learn something from you in this age." "Come on, please." "If it's like that, tell me what happened to this man?" "System breakdown." " What system, man?" "Forced one." " And organ!" "Organ, colleague, we want to find out what organ is the trouble here!" "Heart." " What heart?" "Small one." " Small heart?" "Too small for that kind of system, and arms too long." "You'll have to explain that better on the exam colleague." "Long arms, small heart..." "THE END" "Translated by Inglourious @KG"