"[ thunder crashing ] [ drilling, sawing ]" "[ electricity crackling ] lt's alive!" "I think you gave me the wrong umbrella." "Aahh, my umbrella is taking me up into the sky!" "This is not what I wanted!" "Marion, don't look at it!" "No matter what happens, keep your eyes closed!" "[ ghostly moaning ]" "Booga Booga!" "Open your eyes!" "Look at us!" "Don't do it, Marion!" "Don't open your eyes!" "You're not ticklish, are you?" "[ giggling ]" "Stop!" "Open your eyes and I'll stop!" "No!" "I won't open my eyes." "[ giggling ] [ screaming laughter ]" "Oh I've got your nose!" "Give it back!" "You have to open your eyes!" "Don't, Marion." "Don't open your eyes!" "But he's got my nose, Indy!" "Don't open your eyes!" "It's not your real nose!" "Looks like they aren't going to open their eyes, guys." "Let's just leave." "Okay, we're leaving." "See you later." "[ whispering ] Bye." "We left." "We know you're still there." "Oh, come on, man!" "Just open your eyes!" "No!" "Marion, don't open your eyes." "Screw this, man." "I haven't been out of that ark in 3,000 years." "I'm not gonna waste my time with these squares." "He's right." "Let's just go." "We know you're still out there!" "We're not opening our eyes!" "So we're -- we're gonna keep em closed!" "Timmy, don't sit so close to the TV!" "It's not good for you!" "NARRATOR:" "One day, in the concrete jungle of Nool, and elephant named Morton played hooky from school." "He was chilling on the stoop, just peacing on the block, when onto his trunk landed a tiny crack rock." "He thought... I could sell this, make 5 or 6 bucks." "But then he heard a tiny voice that hollered," "What?" "!" "What?" "!" "Morton listened closely and held very still" "He could hear tiny voices in the town of WhatWhatVille." "They were having a party with a DJ in the cut." "And everybody was yelling..." ""What?" "!" "What?" "!"" "Morton had a new purpose." "He felt a new drive." "To hide the rock and keep the party alive." "He walked down the street and out of the blue, he came face to face with Crackhead Kangaroo." "She was shaking and twitching, her eyelids were black." "She said..." "M-M-M-M-Morton, I'll s-s-suck your c-c-c-cock for that crack." "Well, sometimes an elephant just has to nut." "So that was the end of the world of..." ""What?" "What?"" "[ all screaming "What?" "!" ]" "You sit here today and accuse my client of sexual harassment, but isn't it true that your paper jams drew him to your sensitive parts?" "Let's admit it -- you wanted him to make a pass at you." "You wanted it!" "Megatron is destroyed." "The world is safe." "Jazz, my friend, we will never forget you." "What's the sitches, bitches?" "Jazz, we thought you were dead." "Torn in half, that's all." "We're robots, man." "Just solder my ass back together." "Sadly, you died in glorious battle." "Nah, that's just a minor setback." "Wait, I can still transform." "Hold on, I'm coming!" "Ah, you're too fast!" "Wait for me, fellas!" "Oh, no!" "Oh, my gosh!" "Hey, my ex-girlfriend, how do you eat a Reese's peanut butter cup?" "I pretend the peanut butter is your soul, and I suck it out, and then I crush the remaining empty husk in my cruel, cold fist." "♪ ♪" "♪ We are sailing under water-ater-ater ♪" "♪ All the fishes look delicious ♪" "♪ Drugs, rainbows and hugs ♪" "Wait, be quiet." "Something's showing up on the radar." "Maybe it's Ringo's lunch." "He ate a big sandwich." "I still have sand in me mouth." "Shh." "Look." "Sandwiches are me bread and butter." " Good one, John." " Damn it, shut the hell up!" "It's a submarine from the land of the Blue Meanies -- the dreaded Blue October." "I'm gonna send them a ping." "What's that?" "A Ping?" "Yes, sir." "You know we don't say "yes" in Meanie Land." "I'm sorry." "No, sir." "Should I ping them back, sir?" " No." " No?" "No." "I said, "no."" "Do you understand?" " No." " Ping them back!" "Yes, sir!" "I mean, no, sir." "They pinged us back!" "I know, my ears are still pinging." "I have an idea." "What's the most important thing in the world?" " Acid." " After that." " Love." " That's right." "Maybe those meanies in the Blue October don't want to declare war." "Maybe they want to declare love and defect to Pepper Land." "There's only one way to find out." "Let's sing a song about love." "♪ Love your love with love ♪" "♪ Just love your love with love ♪" "They're singing!" "Maybe they know we're trying to defect to Pepper Land." "Sir, another submarine from Meanie Land followed us!" "Open the glove compartment!" "Fire!" "Another submarine fired a glove at the Blue October!" "I know what to do." "Steer our submarine straight toward the glove." "You're crazy!" "We'll all die!" "Who cares?" "We're just cartoons." "Spull feed ahead!" "Should I arm the glove, sir?" "Yes." "Yes!" "No!" "Oh, look, a hole." "What happened?" "!" "Why didn't it explode?" "!" "Periscope!" "Oh, fuck." "[ cheering ]" "Hole in one, Ringo." "How did you know it would work?" "I didn't." "I'm on acid." "Way to go, Ringo." "Maybe now you can sleep with the groupies first." " Really?" " No." "[ all laughing ]" "What the --?" "Abracadabra." "[ groans ]" "Presto!" "[ laughs ] I hate processing magicians." "Ma, don't teach Chelsea that girly crap." "This isn't the Dark Ages." "Here." "Oh, and a fashion doll with big watermelon boobs teaches the right lessons, huh?" "That's-That's what's going on." "Barbie is a freaking race car driver these days, Ma." "She bungee jumps and parasails." "And I think there's even a bomb disposal robot accessory." "Thank you for the Barbie." "barbie:" "Girls can do anything, especially math." "Let me be absolutely clear about that." "Alright, Barbie, let's have adventures!" "[ gasps ]" "That's her!" "That's my little girl." "How did this happen?" "Well, Chelsea's race car hit the wall at speeds in excess of 200 miles an hour." "So, pbht." "Race car?" "Where did she get a race car?" "Girls these days have all sorts of adventures, ma'am." "This isn't the Dark Ages." "She was eight years old!" "At least she died doing what she loved, Ma." "She loved knitting." "Yes, that's lovely." "Now if you could just fill out some forms." "[ sobbing ]" "This is your fault!" "Whore!" "[ evil laughter ] [ radio static ]" "This is Lex Luthor." "Only one thing alive on less than four legs can hear this frequency, Superman." "And that's you." "In approximately five minutes, a poisonous gas will flood the city, annihilating half of Metropolis." "Seems excessive, but how else was I gonna meet you, Superman?" "After all, you would never accept an invitation to tea." "[ mewling ]" "But a disaster with citizens in danger... well, I just knew you wouldn't resist the chance to help." "Ow!" "Ow!" "[ laughs ]" "Ow!" "[ moans ]" "Ow!" "[ moans ]" "Ow!" "[ moans ]" "Ow!" "[ moans ]" "Ow!" "[ moans ]" "Ow!" "Flubber brand condoms!" "On sale now!" "[ alarm ringing ]" "Where's that new driver you hired?" "[ tires screech ]" "Who the hell are you?" "I'm the best!" " Let's go!" " There's four of you." "Who cares?" "!" "Now drive!" "The deal was transportation for three men whose combined weight did not exceed 250 kilos." "Well, this is a new deal." "Now drive!" "One of you has to go." "Are you nuts?" "!" "They're almost here!" "That's better!" "[ laughs ]" "Here we go." "Come on, man, they're gaining on us!" "I always come prepared." "What, are you kidding me?" "!" "Banana peels?" "!" "Whoa, actually they are surprisingly effective." "Look out!" "Are those green turtles?" "Whatever they are, they're getting shot." "No!" "Green turtles are endangered!" "Yahoo!" "Yahoo!" "You're not gonna try to smash through that, are you?" "I already told you, I'm the best!" "Yahoo!" "Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya..." "Yahoo!" "♪ [ video game music plays ] ♪" "Don't worry, they won't follow us out here." "[ sirens approach ] I thought you said they wouldn't follow us." "Once we're across that bridge, we're home free!" "He's gaining on us!" "Do something." "We're almost there!" "He's gonna catch us!" "Use one of the things!" "No!" "Not that one!" "The blue turtle shell always seeks out... [ gasps ] the lead car." "[ screaming ]" "♪ [ clucking ] ♪"