"(uplifting music)" " Today, we're gonna talk about Nicola Tesla." "Nicola Tesla was the father of Western technology." "For everything we know, as like, modern electricity, Tesla invented that." "He also invented wireless technology, he invented the radio." "Supposedly, one day, he was taking a walk in a park, and he suddenly experienced this tremendous flash of light" "and he saw in his mind the perfect blueprint of an engine that would create something called alternating current." "And that was when he was like "I have to go to the United States and meet Edison." "I'll meet Edison."" "So Tesla sailed across the ocean, found Edison, who, at the time, was like the king of electricity." "Edison was like "all right, well," "I guess you can work for me."" "And his job was like, his job was digging like ditches for Edison." "And then this guy, Westinghouse, like gave him money to start, like, working on his idea of alternating current." "So, Edison didn't like the idea of alternating current because he owned all the patents on direct current." "Alternating current was the only..." "I'm too drunk, I can't do it." " Yes you can." "(laughter)" " I'm going to start puking." "Westinghouse and Tesla won the contract to supply all the electricity to the World's Fair, and this pissed Edison off." "He was like," ""Fuck this, alternating current is bad, alternating current will only cause massive deaths."" "And so he started this campaign to prove that alternating current was like the worst current you could use, and what he did is he began to like, publicly electrocute animals." "Edison was an asshole, he was like, taking, like, sheep and being like, "Look what happens when the sheep touches the alternating current, oh, it gets electrocuted." "Look what happens when a cow comes in contact with alternating current, it dies!"" "Tesla was horrified, and he'd be like, "This is awful," "I am inventing electricity, and you look like an asshole, you look like a fucking idiot."" "I'm going to throw up, I can't do it." "Goodnight, thank you everyone." "Tesla discovered the energy to run the World's Fair, and at that moment, Tesla became an international figure, worshiped by everyone." "So, Tesla had like a laboratory, and like Mark Twain and like everybody who was famous in thew world would come to the laboratory, so he'd like do things like make electricity shoot around his body." "People would be watching, like, "Look at him, he's on fire."" "Mark Twain would be there crying." "The new idea was that I don't think you necessarily need to have, like, power plants for there to be electricity," "I think you can take electricity from the air." "This was directly opposed to all of capitalist society, so he was basically ostracized from society." "How did this come out of my body?" "There are pieces, there's pineapple pieces, look, I know I chewed it." "He went crazy, you know, but his greatest pleasure as he was getting old was feeding pigeons, and he fell in love with a specific pigeon." "What an asshole." "As he was dying, I guess he was in this hotel room, and a pigeon appeared, and from it's eyes," "this light glowed that was brighter than any light that he'd ever seen, and he knew that he would never invent anything worthy of a pigeon." "He was 84, and he died in a hotel completely broke and alone, and in love with a pigeon." "This is a nightmare, I'm in hell, this is hell." "I'm talking about Tesla in my puke." "(uplifting music)" "Tesla was the electric Jesus." "I can't breathe." "(uplifting music)"