"Written by, Directed by, and Starring SACHA GUITRY" "Come in." " Here you are, sir." " Very good." "HOLLYWOOD HEARTBREAKER IN PARIS" "Leave it here." "I'll mark it up." " Hello." " Madame." "Hello, darling." " Ah, it's you." " Am I disturbing you?" "Disturbing me?" "Never." " Know why I'm here?" " No, but I will soon." "Of course." "I always tell you everything." "Lehman called me not long after you left." "What about?" "He wants me to star in Lady of the Camellias again." " I don't see the point." " It's a fantastic role." "But why play parts you've already played?" "Play one of the new roles everyone wants to write for you." "I agree." "But what should I tell him?" "That we'll be on the Riviera then, which is true." "Good." "This way we'll have our story straight." "It's only polite." "Durmel!" " I'll be going." " Wait." "Get me an appointment with Carl Herickson tomorrow at 5:00." "I'd like to see him alone if possible." "Would you like to meet Carl Herickson, the most loved man in the world?" "The most loved man in the world is the one I love." "You're very sweet, but it could be a smart move to meet this great American star." "Hello, the Ritz Hotel?" "Claudine André of The New York Herald." "I'd like an interview with Carl Herickson, but I want to avoid a pack of reporters if possible." "Good." "That sounds perfect." "I'll hold." "Mr. Herickson receives by appointment only, sir." "Like ambassadors." "All the better." "He'll see you at his hotel tomorrow at 5:00." "Tomorrow at 5:00 at the Ritz." "Carl Herickson's suite, please." " You have an appointment?" " Yes." "Claudine André." "Claudine!" "I didn't recognize you." "How can we recognize you ladies under those adorable hats?" "It's simply impossible." "Are you well, my dear?" "Very." "I just ran into Paulette around 4:00." "I can do better than that." "She came here with me." "Now she's gone for tea with Madame de Germond." "If I may be indiscreet, what are you doing here?" "Same as you." " Interviewing Carl Herickson?" " Exactly." "An editor in chief personally attending to such an event?" "Such events are rare these days, and this one's of particular interest to me." "I'm planning a book on him." " No!" " Did L 'lntran send you?" " No, The New York Herald." "On contract?" "They've offered me a great one, but I hate traveling." "Of course." "How far you've come in three years." "I consider you one of the best reporters in Paris." "You're much too kind." "No, I mean it." "I like the way you think." "But you neglect me." "Why?" "Why not write more articles for me?" "What holds you back?" " Fear of abuse." " Don't be silly." "And the look you've put together!" "Look in the mirror." "Think how you were three years ago." "A hideous sight." "That's going a bit far, but I don't even recognize you now." "Even your eyes are different." "They've seen a lot in three years." "It shows." "We men don't have you ladies' amazing ability to adapt." "You arrive looking like a country girl, and a year later you look like a Parisienne." "Six months later, you're such a Parisienne that you could pass for a foreigner." "Cigarette?" "You've even stopped smoking!" "And your clothes are impeccable." " Good Lord!" " What?" "Philippe complimenting a woman." " It's not the first time." " It is for me." " I've never paid you a compliment?" " Never." "But you've made up for it." "You just needed the occasion." "I'll plan more." "In fact, don't forget our luncheon on the 16th." " Unfortunately I can't make it." " Why not?" "Paulette invited you, didn't she?" " Yes." "But I'm staying with relatives in Amiens then." "Blast your relatives in Amiens!" "What a shame!" " It really is." " A double shame." "It's the party for Paulette." "I'd planned a fun little lunch." "I even intended on perhaps going a bit further afterward." "Further?" "Is it safe to trust you with a secret?" "If you want everyone else to know." "You're too hard on yourself." "You're very discreet." "And you're too fond of Paulette to hide the truth from me." "The truth?" "Now I'm scared." "Don't be." "One moment." "Did you just decide this moment to confide in me?" "Sure you won't regret it in five minutes?" "No, I don't think so." " Then I'm all ears." " Here it is:" "Would Paulette be happy if I proposed?" " I have no idea." " She's never spoken of it?" "Never even hinted at it." "But why not ask her?" "I want to surprise her, but with something she desires." "If it's to be a surprise, better she not desire it." "Yes, but if she doesn't desire it... " "There's no point in marrying her." "Not exactly what I meant." "Listen, if my live-in lover of six years suddenly proposed, I'd think," ""A faithless man with a guilty conscience."" "No, not Paulette." "She'd think, "He no longer trusts me."" "It's true." "Men don't cheat on their mistresses." "They think they've missed out, and they're inconsolable." "Are you sure you won't regret your missed opportunities?" "Missed opportunities?" "I will... - when it's too late." " And when is too late?" "Perhaps soon." "The day a woman says no by putting her hand between her lips and mine... " "Heaven help us." " Excuse me." "The gentleman locked the door to his second bedroom, so I have to come through here." "His second bedroom?" "He has two?" "Yes, though there's no luggage in the second yet." "Everyone's intrigued, including me." "Here he is!" "Please come through the tearoom." "Well?" "Yes, but I don't share your enthusiasm." "He's handsome, but no more." " But that's everything." " It is not!" "Is beauty vital to a man?" " Yes." "Intelligence, merit, and health, yes, but not beauty." "Fine if one's lover is handsome, but beauty alone?" "Never!" "Since you didn't ask for mine, I must have yours." " Not bad, thank you." " Please have a seat." "Sorry I'm late, but I couldn't help it." "I can't take 10 steps here without 100 people following me." "It's delightful, of course, but dreadful too." "And this awful craze for autographs!" "Tea, port, or whisky?" " Nothing, thanks." " Where was I?" "Autographs." " Don't you find it silly?" " I wouldn't know." "The scraps of dirty paper they push at you, and the pens with no ink, and the sad-Iooking pencils." "On that topic, something funny just happened." "I just passed through the tearoom." "The manager implored me to." "All the women stood and applauded." "Charming." "Then the autographs started." "They'd all stood up except one." "A young, curious woman, with a lovely face but a slightly frightened look." "She's all I saw as I signed and signed." "I looked at her and smiled, and she blushed." "So I went over and held out a scrap of paper that an old woman had just given me, and I said," ""Since you didn't ask for mine, I must have yours."" "She smiled and signed her name." "I don't know where it's gone, but she was quite surprised." "Cigarette?" "May I?" "Try one." "They're custom-made." "With pleasure." "Isn't he a nice fellow?" "I'm going on and on." "You probably have questions." "Aren't you here to interview me?" "Yes, but you've already answered all my questions." "That doesn't sound good." "Not at all." "Don't worry." " You have any questions, miss?" " Three or four." "My age, place of birth, and annual income?" "No, I read all that a dozen times in today's papers." "I was kidding, but go ahead." "Do you have talent?" "How much of a film's success is due to the director?" "And are women better naked or dressed?" "Neither naked nor dressed." "Undressed, then?" "When I do the undressing." "As for the director's contribution to a film's success:" "It's considerable if the material's bad, because he's saved it." "It's about 30% if the material is good." "But if it's a masterpiece, he could easily ruin the whole thing!" "I agree." "As for my talent, it's not much." "They tell me, "Do nothing." "Just say your lines."" "For the... - What's the French for... " "Close-ups." "For close-ups they tell me," ""Ready, now think!"" " I ask, "About what?"" " Of course." "You're not in the habit." "They say, "Nothing."" "So I think of nothing as hard as I can, and I think that shot could be used for anything." "I believe that." "But I want to learn." "That's why I've come to Europe." "I want to go to London, Vienna, Berlin, and Moscow to see all the great actors and learn from them." " How long will you be in Paris?" " Two days." "Then go see this gentleman's wife at the Gymnase Theater." "Where is that?" " On the Boulevards." " I'll make a note." "Shall we go?" "Thank you for such a plain and pleasant reception." "Thank you for taking the time." "I'm making a note about the Gymnase." "Just go there tonight and give your name." "I'll get you a box seat." "Very kind." "We must help our foreign guests, since they welcome us so kindly abroad." "Did they take pictures of you downstairs?" "That's just how many pictures were needed." "Allow me one last indiscretion." "Is it true you've booked two rooms?" "There are no secrets anymore!" " Is it true?" " It is." "No, I can't tell you who it's for." "Because he doesn't know yet." "You guessed." "I do it in every city I visit." "You never know what might happen." "But since I must have a bed to myself," "I always take this precaution." "I'd be grateful if you didn't spread it around." "We promise." "Ah, here's that autograph:" ""Claudine André."" "That's my name!" "Well, I never!" "May I?" "Paulette's handwriting." " How odd." " Very odd indeed." "What a bother!" "It's him!" " Another bathrobe, please." " Yes, sir." " Is madame home?" " Yes, she's very much home." "Ah, there you are." "I was waiting for you." " Been back long?" " I didn't look at the clock." " Will monsieur dine with madame?" " Yes, you may serve." "You're home early." " To have dinner with you." "How sweet!" "Shall we put off dinner for a few minutes?" "I can get to the theater at 8:30." " No, it's fine." "Dinner is served." "Let's go." "We'll march two by two, like Methodists." "You haven't asked about our handsome young American." " I was just about to." " What a coincidence." " Well?" " I saw him." "He's really a very handsome man." " Intelligent?" " No, but not stupid either." " You like this soup?" " It's all right." "I don't like it at all." "Take this away." "Already?" "Long live the soup." "Ah, Philippe... you're looking well." "Glad to hear it." "Next we have grilled turbot, endive salad, and apple tart." "Not an exceptional dinner, but... " " We'll have to make do." "Tell me:" "Did you have tea with Madame de Germond?" "Did you go to the Bois de Boulogne?" "No, in fact, we didn't." "There was such a crowd at the hotel that we thought, rather than getting trampled, we'd stay where we were." "Try the sauce." "It's wonderful." "Good." "So where did you have tea?" "There." "Where's "there"?" " At the Ritz." " Ah, at the Ritz!" "The sauce is good because I told the cook not to use flour." "Then you must have seen him at the Ritz." " Who?" " Carl Herickson." "From the back." "Yes, we saw him from the back." "I'll skip the salad." "Let me have the tart." "What's this?" "Why are you eating so fast?" "Because I am an actress, sir, and I must be going." "You can stay five more minutes." "No, my treasure." "Or I'd spend them in the arms of the man I love." "Shall I pick you up later at the office?" "No, I have an appointment with Beauvau about the American gala." " Bye, then." " I'll be back at 1:00." " You'll find me in bed." " I'm looking forward to it." "I'm dreaming of it already." "Ambroise, bring me the phone, please." "After all..." "I did promise the boy... a box seat." "Good evening." "On stage for act one." "Mama, I don't want Julien to leave!" "I love him more every day." "Please go see if the security door is locked." "They always forget to open it at intermission." "How's a stranger supposed to find his way backstage?" "Is this the Ritz?" "The second-floor ma?" "tre d', please." "I think someone just knocked." "I don't think so." "No, madame." " How odd." " Is page one ready?" " Almost." "I'd like to see it, please." "Come in." "Is this Miss Claudine André's room?" "Let's not get carried away." ""A day with Carl Herickson" as the page one headline?" "I mean really!" "Please have a seat." " You're very photogenic." "May I?" " Go ahead." "Durmel, call the Interallié and let Beauvau know I'll be there in five minutes." "See you tomorrow." " Someone ordered dinner?" " Room 23." "Oh, 23!" "For two?" "Well, well." "Open it, will you?" "Glad to." "I can't do that." "Meaning if you could, you would." "Must I beg on my knees?" " Is madame home?" " Not yet." "Not yet?" "It's 1:15." "Maybe you should..." "I'm off!" " Just five minutes." " I promise." "Swear you'll push me out the door in ten." " You ask too much." " I'm starting to doubt my resolve." "Why did I leave with you?" " To show me the way." " Why'd I send away my car?" " I had mine." " Why did I get in yours?" " You couldn't walk home." " Why'd I come up here?" " There's no harm in it." "Still, I wouldn't spread it around." "Why didn't you come to my dressing room after act one?" "Because I recognized you on stage, and you looked right at me." "And?" " That look so dazzled me... " " That you didn't dare?" "That I called here and ordered dinner for two." "Dinner?" "I can't." " Against doctor's orders?" " No, I just can't." " Consommé?" " This isn't "consommé-ted" yet!" "A touch of champagne, then." "Is this really a crime?" "You French are a magnificent and wonderful but sometimes perplexing people." "This is the land of liberty." "You storm the Bastille, guillotine your kings, mock your president... - yet dining alone with a man is a horrible crime?" "To Mr. Le Broc." "To the president of the Republic!" "You French are far too respectful of bourgeois customs that enslave you far more than any dictator ever could." "When everyone at the Savoy in London stands for "God Save the King,"" "you think, "The English are so servile!"" "But many of those couples aren't married." "That's real liberty." " I can just imagine in America." "There, a married couple dining together is a scandal!" "If I stay any longer, I must call home." "The phone's over here." "Put me through to Passy 63-65, please." "She'll call back." "They're ringing for you, slave." "Who's there?" " No answer?" " There was." "That's precisely... " "Why you said nothing?" "You did right." "Why cause worry?" " It was to reassure them." " But the voice can betray us." "Never force yourself to do what you dread." " I must go." " If you think it best." "I'll escort you." " Absolutely not!" "We mustn't be seen together." "I'm too well-known." "Perhaps I'll call you tomorrow around 1:00." "Please, let me do it this way." "First I have to see what turn things take." " But I'm leaving tomorrow." " So soon?" "I got a telegram from London this evening." "I fly out early in the morning." "They want to show me a new Austrian film." " Are you coming back?" " In two days." "For a few hours." "Then I'll be gone for good." "Not a very long visit." "As if you were cold." "Goosebumps?" "Yes, so best not to touch." "Am I hurting you?" "You're very sweet, and really quite naive." "Such a great artist in such a young little woman." "Open your eyes." "Wider." "Pucker your lips like this." "Come closer if you want me to kiss you." "Can't you stay five more minutes?" "I think so." "A sip of champagne?" "The colder champagne is, the more it warms you." "The goosebumps are back." "Listen, if we're going to do what I think we are, we should do it now." "If you're worried, call home and say you have a late rehearsal." "No, I can't do that." "Wait a moment." "I'II..." "I'll call Auteuil 17-25." "Do so many people sit up waiting for you?" "Auteuil 17-25, please." "It's a girlfriend." "You met her here earlier today." "The reporter?" "So smart and pretty." "Yes, she's gorgeous and talented and writes delightfully." "Claudine?" "Did I wake you?" "Who's this?" "Paulette." "Your voice sounds so strange." "I just ran up the stairs." "What an actress!" "I'm calling because I've been whisked off by a group of American producers who were at the theater tonight with Carl Herickson." "We're in Montmartre, and they insist on going to all the nightclubs." "I'll shake them by 1:00." "But would you be a dear and call my place and tell Philippe?" "I've tried, but it's either busy or he's not answering." "Will you do me that favor?" "Tell him how sorry I am... and that he shouldn't wait up." "He should just go to bed." "I know, but what can I do?" "They're very important people." "They're flattering me with talk of Hollywood." "They're very taken with me." "At least, so it seems." "And seeing a man like Herickson up close is far from unpleasant." "Oh, come now." "I'm hardly committing a crime." "We French are far too respectful of bourgeois customs." "This is the land of liberty." "We storm the Bastille and guillotine our kings, yet we live just like slaves... - over here." "What's that?" "I said you only see that over here." "No, the other side." "No, I said on the other side of the Channel, in London, a woman can dine alone with a man without causing a scandal." "What's that?" "I know you agree." "That's why I'm speaking so openly." "Please call him right away." "Tell him... " "Try to make him understand." "Tell him I can't get away... that I'm all wrapped up... " " Paulette?" " No, Claudine." " Where's Paulette?" " I'll tell you." "She's been dragged off by American producers for a late dinner." "Why didn't she call?" "She tried at least ten times to get through." "I hope she's back by 2:00 for her sake." "And yours." "Oh, I've already waited up two hours." "Good night, Claudine, and thank you." "Yes." "Who's asking for me?" "Miss who?" "I can't hear you." "Claudine André?" "Yes, put her through." "Good morning... again." "You told him I wasn't going home?" "How did he take it?" "Not well?" "You told him I'd wait for him here, right?" "You think he'll come?" "You're not sure." "You told him I'm alone, that he won't run into anyone else?" "Good-bye, Claudine." "A big hug." "What gentleman?" "He's on the phone?" "He's downstairs?" "Then send him up right away!" "Dear Lord!" "Has that gentleman been waiting long?" "Just a minute?" "Very good." "Thank you." "So..." "I have to come out of my way as well?" " I love you." " Easy for you to say." "Yes, because it's true." "Yes, it seems you see no contradiction." "I've never hated you for a second." "Glad to hear it." "I'm proud of that." "I've never been against you for an instant." "Indeed." "This affair doesn't involve you at all." "Thank God!" "I hate being a third wheel." " You were never far from my thoughts." " You're so kind." "If you knew how odd it was." "It was like you were protecting me." "I should hope not!" "You were never the enemy." "On the contrary." "To me you're superior to other men." "So different from them all." "You're very kind, but don't kid yourself." "I'm not so different from other men." "In any case, tonight you did everything possible to make me just like lots of other men, and it's too bad." "In your happiness, you don't consider yourself unfaithful, whereas I've been cuckolded." " Not that word." " There's no other word for it." "It's detestable." "No, not you!" "Who else? "Not you"!" "What do you mean, no?" "I mean no!" "You're not a cuckold, Philippe." "Far from it." "That's not being a cuckold." " I sure feel like one!" "Perhaps so, but for me, it's a disaster." "You're kind to put us in the same boat, but let me point out that you derived certain benefits from this "disaster"" "that I certainly did not, so forgive me if I disagree." "I understand, but don't be angry if I speak frankly." "We promised to keep no secrets, and in six years we've hid nothing from each other." "Of course, we never had anything of such..." " Such what?" "...consequence to reveal." "But is that any reason to lie?" "No, but being honest isn't just saying what you think." " It isn't?" " Wouldn't that be convenient!" "We're not innocent just because we're sincere, just as one can be insincere and still be right." "So I shouldn't tell you what happened?" "No, it's better if you do, but spare me the details and draw no conclusions." "It seems my opinion doesn't count and I can't judge my own actions." "Yes, you can, if you must." "Just don't impose it on me." "If this had been just an ordinary affair," "I wouldn't bother explaining, but it was far from ordinary." "When you see that, you'll understand my situation." "Yesterday, when I left you and met Henriette downstairs... why didn't we go elsewhere for tea?" "Fate." "A subconscious desire to see that man close up?" "No, he wasn't supposed to go through the tearoom." "So why did he?" "A mystery." "Anyway, I found him handsome like you." "Handsome like me?" "No, I mean handsome like you found him." "Wishful thinking." "Then?" "All the women went over to him for autographs." "Why didn't I?" "Because I'm a well-known actress." "I give them." "I don't ask for them." "Fate once again, because he noticed." "So he came over and asked for my autograph." "Excuse me." "Why didn't you sign your own name?" "How did you know?" "He showed me." "I recognized your writing." "Why didn't you say so at dinner?" "To see if you'd tell me." "See?" "I am telling you." "A bit late." "Why didn't you sign your name?" "Well..." "I... uh... realized he didn't know who I was." "So I did it on your account." " On my account?" " Yes, out of discretion." "So you already liked him." "I don't know." "Maybe." "Yes, it's true." "You're right." "I must have liked him right away." "You're so insightful." "Thank you." "Please!" "So I wrote the first name I thought of, but I did nothing more to prolong this little incident between him and I." "Me." "Him and me." "Never mind." "I shouldn't expect miracles." "Go on." "Later I go on stage, and whom do I immediately see in the audience?" "Him!" "What was he doing at the Gymnase?" "If someone invited him, it wasn't me." "And why did he have a box?" "That was my bright idea." "The cuckold always helps set the affair in motion." "You sent him?" "So you kept a secret too!" "It was nothing to brag about." "Anyway, there he was... - fate once again." "But just imagine his surprise when he saw me on stage." "He recognized me as the autograph lady, but I'd signed "Claudine André."" "Whatever could it mean?" "Talk about funny!" "I'm splitting my sides." "Go on." "Anyway..." "I waited the whole first intermission so I could explain." "But he didn't come by until the second one, and only to compliment me and ask about the autograph." "Are you following the whole... " " What's that?" " The chain of events." "He came back at the end." " Oh, he did?" " Yes, to ask me... " "Thanks." "That'll do." "You can stop there." "I get the picture." "Good." "I mean, not good, but... so be it." "But tell me this:" "Did you two come straight here?" "Straight here." "Absolutely." "Why didn't you call?" " I did." " Nonsense." "You called?" "Yes, and you answered." "I did?" "That was you, around midnight?" " Yes." "Well?" "Why didn't you say anything?" "I couldn't." "Exactly." "When I heard your voice... my throat dried up from emotion." "I can imagine." "But it's really a shame." "You missed the perfect chance to keep your promise." " Promise?" " Yes!" "That if you were tired of me, you'd tell me the day before." "I didn't have time." "I didn't even know him yesterday." "It was completely out of the blue." "And I'm not tired of you at all." "No!" "We didn't foresee this." "You might think I'd go off with another man someday, but that's not the case." "The idea never crossed my mind." " What idea did cross your mind?" " None at all." "I lost my head, so I had no ideas at all." "You know what it's like to be mesmerized?" " What?" " Mesmerized." " No." " Neither did I." "I thought, "Silly, you don't get mesmerized." "You're either faithful or you're not."" "Little did I know." "It really happens?" "I'm living proof." "There's something about that man." "I won't say diabolical... " "No, divine." "That's it." "Divine!" " It's amazing." " So you agree?" "No!" "It's amazing how blind you are." "I'm not blind." "I see things just as they are." "What I am is frank." "Oh, you're frank all right." "Seductively so." "And my coolness annoys you." "You'd rather I was heartbroken yet mad with lust." "You're peeved that you're naked under that robe yet I'm not taking advantage to get back at you." "I must be a fool, right?" "You'd love to turn me into an accomplice." "Your little party would be complete." "Admit it:" "I'm the only man you could cheat on him with now." " It's true." " You're asking the impossible." " That's a shame." " I'm sorry." "We've already grown so far apart." "Yes, it didn't take much." "With unwitting tact and without malice, you've told me about your affair, and I've understood your point of view." "Now I'll tell mine, and hopefully you'll understand why it's quite different." "But forgive me if I use other words." "You used words like "mesmerized," "fate," "mystery."" "I call it sleeping around!" "That's right." "Dress it in poetic imagery and imagine the hand of God in it, but all you did was sleep with a movie actor." "Whom I didn't even know two hours earlier!" "My point exactly!" "Because that's a crucial point." "A crucial point?" "In what way?" "Why, as an explanation." "You don't seriously think I can be held responsible?" "I don't." "If I were, I'd be a monster." "Does one cheat on a man like you?" "No!" "A guilty person feels remorse, and I feel none." "Doesn't that tell you something?" "Isn't that extraordinary?" "It certainly is!" "But tell me:" "If you feel no remorse, why were you crying when I came in?" "If those were even real tears." "I... uh... was crying because he'd left." "I'm sad that he left." "And thank God!" "What would I be if I didn't feel sad?" "A tramp!" "Am I a tramp?" " Today?" " I mean in general." "If I'd asked you yesterday, you'd have said no." "I'd be surprised if a woman could turn into a tramp in 24 hours." "No, you're on the wrong track." "You're overlooking something here." "That may be." "But you're overlooking someone here." "That someone is me, and I'll tell you why." "I know about your night." "Now here's mine." "If you had come home at 2:00, you'd have found me in a rage." "At 4:00, you'd have found me distraught." "At 6:00, pensive... but at 7:00... asleep." "Sorry... but if a person can do lots of things in the wee hours... - and you should know... - someone else can come to terms with lots of things too." "I came to terms with the idea you might be unfaithful." "I thought," ""If she's come to terms with it, so will I."" "So I came to terms with it too." "It just took me longer." ""Losing your head" only takes an instant, but coming to one's senses takes a few more hours." " Did you cry?" " I should say so." "As anyone would." "After Claudine called and I knew you were safe, knowing that nothing bad had happened to you, and that it was my bad fortune alone, I wept." "I wept..." "and even spoke out loud." "My God, how strange it is, in the still of night, to hear one's own voice calling out a woman's name." " You called out my name?" " Not yours, sweetie." " What?" " It's very odd." "This is the second time a woman's cheated on me, and it was the other woman's name I called out." "Yes, I blurted out her name." "Between sobs I murmured "Suzanne"... and I smiled." "Because for a second I'd confused you two." "A second's nothing, but a second like that means everything." "Because you'd put me through the same thing as the woman in my life before you." "Of course, that similarity doesn't diminish the seriousness of your action, but it does strip it of all originality." "Everything I have a right to say I've said already." "Anything you could reply I've already heard." "I don't agree, because my affair is special." "We always think what happens to us is special." "It's not." "The same things happen to all of us." "Besides, this isn't just your affair." "It's ours." "It's not your happiness, but our misfortune." "It may seem special to you, but not to me." "I've been through it all before." "You've never cheated on me before, but when I learned of it, I almost said, "Not again!"" "There." "I think I've said my piece." "But this is clearly different." "If you insist that this is just an ordinary affair, the outcome must be ordinary too." "Absolutely." "Then it all suddenly becomes so sad." "But what's happening to us is extremely sad, my dear." "If I really just cheated on you, then what am I?" "What can I say?" "You're a woman." "No, that's too harsh." "You're a woman like many others." "Too many others, it seems." "But I don't want to be like them." "Then you shouldn't have done it." "Mind you, you're all so adorably different until this moment in time." "But when this moment comes, it's uncanny how alike you all are." "Well, you shouldn't have pointed out how ordinary my affair was." "You could have insulted me, struck me, killed me, or simply kicked me out." "But you shouldn't have crushed my spirits." "That wasn't right." "You didn't think of the artist I am, and what I lose by losing you." "You should have left me my cherished illusions." "They kept me from seeing you as a cuckold." "But you insisted on being one." "Well, you got your wish." " "Be happy!"" " I didn't say that." "No, I did, because a person has to laugh." "Oh, laugh!" "What now, Philippe?" "Yes, what now?" "I got mascara on it." "What's that compared to all the rest?" "I think we must be brave enough not to make any decision for a few days." "Has he really left Paris?" "Yes, I swear." "He flew out this morning for London." "He was supposed to stay two days." "Yes, but he left." "He got a telegram." "From Vienna." "About an Austrian film that... " "Thank you... for the many details you've so graciously supplied." "But tell me:" "Are you going to think it over?" "No, the thinking's done." "However, I don't want our separation to cause a scandal." "I don't want to confirm certain gossip going around." " Gossip... in Paris?" " Yes... - imagine that!" "If you'd had time to read today's papers, you'd have seen yourself giving your famous friend an autograph." "They wouldn't miss that one." "Six different dailies." "And it'll be in mine tonight." "News comes first, you know." "I've captioned it, "From one star to another."" "Look, they got our picture." "That's not all." "When they find out he went to your dressing room twice, and that he didn't come back here alone... " "What?" " The papers wouldn't dare... " "Maybe not, but the glossy weeklies will." "And I stupidly spread it around that I was planning a book on the boy." "Since I don't want to be a laughingstock," "I suggest... - meaning I've decided... - that we'll delay our separation several weeks." "As long as you wish, darling." "Three months even." " I didn't say that." "In fact, January 15th would be ideal." "Why?" "That's when my run at the Gymnase ends." "I'm not in the play after that... " "Don't get your hopes up." "May I get a word in edgewise?" "Don't get your hopes up." "January 15 is... " " Too far off." " Exactly." "Too far off, of course." "What if I got sick?" " Absolutely not!" "On the contrary." "Don't even look the slightest bit ill." "We don't want people talking about suicide." "You're right." "People can be so spiteful." "That's the very least you can say." "Then for these few weeks, will we still live together like before?" " In other people's eyes." " How awful!" " No, you'll see very little of me." " I'm sure." "But that won't make things any more pleasant." "It's just a habit to break." "Do I have no hope of winning you back?" "No, that would be dishonest of me." "Poor child." "Poor talented child." "I can't give you any hope, but I'll give you some advice:" "Don't talk about this... - especially not to me." "That would be best." "Oh, you're certainly a charmer." "That's enough!" "Listen, I don't want you going home alone, so I'll pick you up here at 12:45." " Today?" " Of course." "When else?" " I was just saying... " " Well, don't." "Use your head." "Here's a fine chance to try." "Of course today!" "Surely you're not staying here another day, so why even say it?" "Please don't make me angry." "Oh, and I told the servants that Madame de Germond was ill and that you spent the night at her side." " I'll get it!" " What now?" "Yes, send them up." " Send who up?" " Claudine." "You can be so annoying!" "Why not ask me first?" " I wanted to ask her something." "Let me explain." "It's already done." "There's something I don't dare ask you." "She'll ask for me, since she knows everything." "Give me that poor hanky you're torturing." "Come in." " Hello, Paulette." " Claudine." " Philippe." " Hello." " Are you hurt?" " It's nothing." "Paulette has a favor to ask." "Come with me and I'll explain." "Paulette!" "Can I use the phone?" " Yes!" "Look at this." "All in knots." "She ruins everything." "So stupid... - No, not you, miss." "Gutenberg 04-02, please." "Yes?" "What is it?" " Telegram, sir." " Set it anywhere." "It's not for me." "Excuse me." "Mr. Durmel, please." "Is that you, Durmel?" "Tell me... " "What?" "Yes, good morning." "You know the picture of that actor, Carl What's-his-name?" "Yes, the one with my wife." "It's in six papers this morning." "Makes us look bad." "Don't you have anything else?" "Then doctor it up." "No, not like that." "Listen." "Get a picture of me from down in archives and slip me in next to her." "Not at all." "Since it's my article, let's show I was there." "Be sure and do that." "It's very important." "Who's there?" "Have them both wait." "I'll be there in 15 minutes." "I didn't say good-bye." "There'll be an uproar." "Now what?" "I have a message for you that I wish I didn't." "Go ahead." "She wants to stay here another day." "Here?" "Why?" "No idea." " Out with it." " No, I can't." "To wait for him?" "In God's name!" "This is really getting tiresome!" "He may be stopping over in Paris tonight." "She wants to say good-bye." "That's the last straw!" "I try to be nice, but I'm not stupid." "I won't have her taking me for an idiot!" "Oh, for some peace and freedom!" "To hell with the scandal!" "I've had enough." "And only yesterday I spoke right here about ridding myself of troublesome women." "I'm so ashamed." "What a weakling!" "What a coward!" "What a lesson!" "I gave her one last chance, and she didn't take it." "Too bad." "Tell her I'll send her things here after lunch." "I'm keeping the apartment." "She's already chosen a new home." "You know why I was postponing our separation?" "So she wouldn't threaten suicide, like the last one did constantly." "I'm haunted by unbearable similarities, but this is the last time, I swear!" "And only yesterday I spoke of marrying her!" "Why?" "Did I see it all coming?" "Perhaps subconsciously, but a little late, thank God." "When I think of what I've missed out on for six years." "When I think that for over a year" "I've trembled with desire for you." "Well, now I want to show it." "Too bad for her." "She asked for it." "The dreaded gesture!" " Forgive me." "No, forgive me." "Well, that's a new one." "But now I see." "It's a serious mistake to think that a cuckold automatically has the right to every other woman." "No, no, and no!" "He's called from London three times in 24 hours." "I swore I'd wait, I've thrown my life away for him, and I must miss him now?" "Why?" "Because you'll lose everything." "Why's that?" "You're gambling 20 years of your life against three hours." " Three incomparable hours." " Why compare?" "You already had them last night." "Why relive them?" "Will the second time really be better than the first?" "Surely not." "And Philippe has forgiven the first time." "That's just it... - he hasn't!" " Didn't he ask you back?" " Yes, but why?" "Only to avoid scandal." " You're so unfair." " No, I know him." "Why would he forgive me?" "He's not even upset." "I swear you can win him back." "Now?" "After six years in which he never thought about marriage?" " What do you know?" " What do I know?" "He's downstairs." "Ask the gentleman to wait." "No, send him up." "What do I do?" "Go home." "Let me talk to him." "Trust me." " No, I can't." " Listen to me." "I promised not to tell, but yesterday, while waiting for your lover boy," "Philippe and I had a long talk about you." "At one point he asked me," ""Would Paulette be happy if I proposed?" " No!" " I swear on my life." "Come, be brave." "Go home now." "Then I'll see you later at home." "Come for dinner." "Will do." "Hurry now, and think of Philippe." "And you think of me." "Come in." "Hello, my dear man." "Paulette begs your forgiveness." "She went out?" "No, she didn't go out." "She went home." "Went home?" "And I advised her to." "If she sees you again, her life will be ruined forever." "You know women too well not to have quickly understood Paulette's character." "She's a romantic." "That's her charm." "She has no sense of reality." "And you're not the same?" "No, I'm... " "I do have a sense of reality... - probably an overdeveloped one." "If a man like you were after me," "I'd either say yes or no." "No maybes." "If I say no, it's never." "And yes means right away." "That's right... - now or never." "No tomorrow." "And certainly no rematch." "Never twice with the same guy?" "Not if he's like you." " What's that mean?" " Relax." "It's not an insult." " Tell me." " I mean better than me." "Good God, I'm not better than you." "No, perhaps not, but you're a man, and I know women." "No woman could keep you." "I'm more faithful than you think." "And women are a lot less faithful than they imagine." "If you think I'd leave you alone with a girlfriend... - a woman would be mad to do that." "The danger's not so great." "And one can't take a man by force." "You'd be wise not to tell a woman that." "No challenges, if you're smart." "You can't be as bad as you pretend." "I've been around the block a few times." "Don't tell me that a woman like you... " "Kindly don't talk about me." " Then I'll talk about me." " I'd prefer you didn't." "Let's speak of neither you nor me." "Did I offend you?" "Did I hurt your feelings blundering with my poor French?" "Yes, I mistakenly assumed... " "Let me go!" "Come now." "You're so protective of Paulette." "No more than necessary." "Now stop it." "Only if you're not angry." "Give me your hand." "Please don't insist." "I want to kiss your hand." "Why won't you let him kiss your hand?" "I'm not stopping him." "I was just leaving." "Alas, I see." "I was delayed going home." "Paris traffic is simply impossible at this hour." "Are you leaving today?" " In an hour." "Sorry to hear it." "Are you coming back through Paris?" "No, I sail from Brindisi." "Yes, not a bad idea." "You'll have a lovely trip." "I envy you." "Good-bye, monsieur." "Good-bye, madame." " Will you go down with him?" " If you prefer." "I do." "I'd rather you stayed." "Very well." " Did he try to kiss you?" " No, alas." " I saw him." " You saw nothing of the sort." " He was holding your hand." " No, he wanted to kiss my hand." " Why wouldn't you let him?" " Can you blame me?" "Yes." "It's too odd." "Something's going on when a woman won't let a man kiss her hand." "Then to clear this up, I'll tell you the truth." "He asked why you hadn't waited." "I said I'd advised you to go home." "I didn't like his angry reaction, so I got up to leave." "Realizing he'd been rude, he wanted to apologize and tried to kiss my hand." "That's what you saw." "Believe it or not, as you like." "Good-bye, Paulette." " Don't go." "Don't go." "I'm feeling sad." "And you have more work ahead of you." "You must go see Philippe right now." "Tell him I didn't see Carl again, which is true." "Tell him exactly what happened." " Exactly?" " Yes." "Tell him I left when Carl arrived, leaving you two together." "It's true." "But do I tell him you came back ten minutes later?" "There's no point in that." "So I'm to tell him exactly half the truth?" " That's right." " Very well." "Because there's still hope." "Yes, and I'll tell you why." "Philippe said this morning he'd be sending your things here right after lunch." " Come in." " But it's already 6:00... " "You poor thing." "No, my friend, I'm not meting out justice." "I've merely drawn a line, and I won't cross it." "At this very moment she's the happiest of women." "Please send up a messenger." "Why should she miss me?" "We have nothing left to say." "Have this letter delivered after 8:00 a.m. tomorrow." "He's young and handsome, and she's in love." "She's famous and loved." "She has a new life before her." "No, she has no complaints." "I know of no woman who's happier to be alive." "A letter was delivered at 8:00 this morning." " By whom?" " A messenger." "Thank you." "Oh, my God!" "She needs black coffee." "First call Balzac 17-43." "No, I'll do it." "You stay with her." "Hello, Doctor?" "Thank you, Doctor." "Get me Passy 63-65, and please hurry." "Poor madame." "Philippe?" "You must come to the hotel right away." "You must!" "Very serious." "I'm scared." "Dear God..." " Is it serious?" " I think so." "No breakfast, sir?" "Come in." "What is it?" " Flowers." "Set them over there." "Come in." "This is for the flowers." "I'll take care of it." "How is she?" " It's too early to say." "They send flowers as if she were already dead." "We're such insignificant creatures." "Come in." "I said come in!" "Oh, come in, sir." " Well?" "They don't know anything yet." "But..." " One second." "What is it?" "...she's not dead." "That's something." " A big something." "What is it?" "Out with it." "What is it?" "As long as there's life, there's hope... as my poor mother used to say." " As who used to say?" " My poor mother." " Leave it." " I'm not doing anything." "Don't make noise." "I'm not." "Claudine, I'm here." "Idiot!" "What now?" "Is it important?" "No, it's just that my mother also used to say... " "I couldn't care less about your mother." "Can't you see that this isn't the time?" "She's all right!" "I'm so happy." "She'll be fully conscious soon." "See you soon." "A doctor who says, "See you soon."" "Why not add "I hope"?" "Well, what did he say?" "She'll be fully conscious in a few hours." "I panicked a bit, but with good reason." "We couldn't bring her around... - it was frightening." "That was a close call." "But "close" makes all the difference." "She really did want to kill herself!" "See how weak-willed she is?" "Don't be mean." "It's because I'm hungry." "Be a dear and order something from room service." "I dashed out the door." " What do you want?" " Anything edible." " Tea?" " I'd love some." "I'll order for two." "I missed breakfast too, and I'm starving." "We're two unfortunate souls, tending the not-quite-dying." "Tea service for two, and please hurry." " And some jam." " And jam." "And honey." " Enough deprivation." "Will she be able to perform tonight?" "Of course." "With a performance like this morning's, she'll be fine tonight." "She's not even conscious and the performance is underway." "Do you know why she'd do such a stupid thing?" "Yes and no." "Since she didn't go home as you asked her too, maybe she was hoping to run off with that actor." "Only he left alone forever." "And since her trunks arrived at that very moment, you can imagine how she felt." "She suddenly felt all alone in the world and lost the last ounce of reason she had." "See what havoc a man's seductive charms can wreak?" "I do indeed." "And you were never even alone with him." "Actually, I was." "Oh?" "When?" "Yesterday." "Well, well." "I didn't know." "Was that here?" "Did you talk long?" "About ten minutes." "Still..." "I suppose you immediately fell for his charms." "Oh, I will admit he's charming." "Absolutely." "But not worth dying over." "And she didn't attempt suicide over him." "You saying it was over me?" "Stop kidding around." "Let's say it "involved him."" " If so... it was out of despair at losing you and knowing he was gone." "It's true." "You both really do share her heart." "Always nice for a man to hear." "Next you'll tell me it's better than nothing." " I can prove it." " What?" "That you were both in her heart at that moment." "I forgot to give this to you." "What is it?" "But is it right to give it to you now?" "What is it?" " A letter for you from Paulette." " Interesting." "There were two envelopes on her night table this morning:" "one for you and one for him." " Hand it over." " No!" "Are you sure I should?" "It's addressed to me." "To be opened after her death, and she's not dead." "It's as if she were." "If I'd gotten here first, I'd have opened it." "Hand it over, Miss Mailman." "She put "Monsieur de Morannes." How proper." "I'll sit in a chair so I don't fall over backward." "Oh heavens!" "You gave me his." "No, this one says "Carl."" "Yes, but she mixed up the envelopes." "It's not my fault." "Now give me mine." "Come on." " You can't open his letter!" "Sweetheart, this is his letter." "It starts "Dear Carl."" "It wasn't my fault that I opened his." "Send him his letter, but I won't have him reading mine." "This way I can compare them." " This is awful." " Not at all." "Live and learn... - that's life, and I've never been more alive." "She says, "Carl, I shall die with your name on my lips."" "Sweet." " Poor thing." "And to me she says... exactly the same thing." ""Philippe, I shall die with your name on my lips."" "Not much imagination, eh?" "If you'd like to send him his letter... " "Then do what you like with it." "But I'm keeping mine as a souvenir for when my sons are 20... - and it's high time I thought about having some." "Shall we have breakfast?" "Have a seat." "I think it's nice, just the two of us." "Ah, hello." "It's nice, just the three of us." "I'll serve." "If you're eating, she must be better." " She certainly is." " I'm so glad." "I'd have been so sad." "Such a nice lady..." "and so much in love." "I've seen plenty in my 30 years here, but few were so in love." "Thank you." "But you have to admit he was worth it." " I'm sure." " What a handsome man!" "And what a body!" "I saw him naked!" "He needed a bathrobe the other day." "I went in and there he was, like Adam himself." "Perfectly at ease, with a big smile." "The man's not stuck up." "But it seems she's not the only one in love." "I see someone who's just as much in love with her husband." "An old hand like me can always spot a lover's smile." "She's no dummy." "She sees what goes on between people." "It really is nice, just the two of us." "I devour those eyes of yours and have no appetite for anything else." "She's calling you." "Sweetheart!" " Who's here?" " Philippe." " Nothing serious?" " No." "You sure?" "What a life!" "So she just woke up?" "Yes." "She said a few words then fell back to sleep." "She fell back to sleep... - thank the Lord." "And her few words were?" ""I hope Philippe forgives me."" " And marries me?" " No." "She didn't go that far." " Probably to leave the ball in my court." " Probably." "This is no laughing matter." "She mustn't know for a second that I thought of marrying her." "The thing is..." "I unfortunately mentioned it to her yesterday." " No!" " Yes." " Why?" " I had to." "It seemed the wisest thing at the time." "Don't forget she's attempted suicide." "If you two break up, she'll keep trying." "Every few days she'll take more pills." "It'll be an ongoing scandal, with you as the villain." "It's true." "She messed it up once, but she'll eventually get it right." " Exactly." " Pleasant situation." " Whereas by marrying her... " " I'd have a legal way out." "I didn't dare say it." "Don't look so distraught." "Just minutes ago you spoke of the joy of being married." " I did?" " While we were eating." "Because you were sitting across from me." "Now you do the same." "Philippe, you're always right." " Why do you say that?" "Because that boy really was irresistible like you said." "You shouldn't have pointed it out, but it's true." " Now you're mocking me." " I'm not!" "The things you say can be exasperating but very convincing too." "You're very dangerous." "If you spoke of Carl to her as you did to me, then Paulette's not entirely to blame." "Why are you telling me this?" "What are you up to?" "You sure you're not the one who was convinced?" "Look at me." "Did you fall for that man too?" "Almost." "I wanted 10 minutes with him alone to explain how he was hurting Paulette." " You like playing with fire." " That's right." "One of the first things you said to me was haunting me." "What?" ""I can understand why any woman would find him irresistible."" "Don't ever say that to a woman." " You can't say anything to a woman!" "You'd have cornered him alone anyway." "When you women misbehave, you always claim you were provoked." "So you fell for him at once?" "And you say so to my face!" " Absolutely!" " To clear her name?" "No, to beat her to it." " She knows?" " She walked in on him holding my hand." "Well, now!" "Did she come in too soon or too late?" "Too soon for me, but a bit late for her." "No doubt you said you were just showing how fickle Carl was." "No, but that's a good idea." "So to gain her complete forgiveness, you negotiate her own acquittal in the form of marriage." " Exactly." " Women amaze me!" "They envy each other and steal each other's lovers, but they'll gang up in a flash to make a fool of a man and blame him for all they've done." "It's only natural that we defend ourselves." "I was waiting for that one:" "defend yourselves!" "Even if you say she's pretty, a woman's on the defensive." "It's hopeless!" "Every affair is a new battle, eh?" ""Who'll be the victor?"" "You little vixens are all the same." "So there's no point leaving the one you have." "There's no point getting attached to any of you." "Any pretty woman will do." "It's enough to make a man marry and become "normal."" "I should marry Paulette just to show my contempt for all of you!" "One thing is certain:" "I'll marry only on the condition that I have you!" "Thirty years of faithfulness have gotten me nowhere." "If I marry her, I'll have a mistress like every man, and it'll be you!" "Take it or leave it." "It's very simple." "The blackmail begins." "If I marry Paulette, will you be waiting that day at the Parc de Saint-Cloud at 5:00 p. m?" "First and always a reporter... - I'd be too curious to miss it." "Really?" "You swear?" " I do." "Then prove it with a kiss." "Sure you won't put your hand in the way?" "No, but I might do this." "Here she is!" "Feeling better?" "Yes." "So are you, I see." "What's that supposed to mean?" "What do you see?" "You saw Claudine kissing me?" "You saw it, yet you don't ask why?" "Aren't you curious?" "She leapt to kiss me because I'd just announced that you and I will be married next week." "Oh, that's different." "Now trust me and give her a kiss." "I can assure you she deserves it." "Give each other a big kiss." "Everyone kiss." "What?" "No kiss for the husband-to-be?" "Long live the bride!" " Are you well?" " Very." "You're not dressed yet." "No one dresses faster than me." " So... is all well?" " Couldn't be better." " What an adventure." " Happily ending in marriage." " Of course." " Is Philippe being nice?" "A darling." "But he's convinced he's marrying me for several reasons, which isn't true." "It's for one reason only:" "He loves me." "But since he doesn't realize it, he thinks he could cheat on me." "I say let him try." "Thus my fear seeing him kiss you the other day." " Fear?" " Yes... for you." "No, not fear that you'd try to steal Philippe too." "I thought, "Poor thing." "She shouldn't get her hopes up." You see?" "Why do you say I tried to steal Carl away?" "I was kidding." "That's nothing to kid about." "You're not ready!" "I'm going!" "Then go!" "I love you." "You'll sit on my right at the reception, so try to eat properly." "Afterward I'll say "See you around, Claudine,"" "then you'll pick me up 20 minutes later at the office and we'll go to Chantilly for tea." "The woods are so lovely in October." "Darling, tell me you love autumn." "Why?" "Look at me." "It's a personal issue." "Yes, I love autumn." "But I can't get used to you living here." "I've gotten used to it, and everything else." "Half measures weren't an option." "No man has ever renounced his every principle so swiftly." "If we're to dance, then let's dance... - and what a quadrille!" "How I've flung my partners around recently... - ah, the shame!" "But youth passes sooner or later." "Listen, no prior commitment in Amiens?" " None." " No more Amiens." "We'll strike it from the map." "I'll alert the district office." "Now I'm going downstairs to push our places closer together." "I want your leg against mine from here to here." " To where?" " A quick feel away." " You'd like that?" " The thigh's the limit." "Let's be serious a moment." "When you get home tonight, you'll find a surprise." " What?" " It's a surprise!" "Say one word and I'll tell you-know-who." "Look how lovely." " Gorgeous." " It's from Philippe." " It's wonderful." " Marvelous foxes." "Just eight, but beautifully done." "Are you happy to be my witness?" " Very." "Doesn't my asking you show I trust you?" "But if it was Carl, I wouldn't ask you." "Don't tease about that." "Did he kiss you?" "You can tell me." "It's all over now." "Life's so funny." "I don't even care." "You're right not to." "Did he kiss you more than once?" "Just once?" " Not even once." " Look into my eyes." " Not even once." " I believe you." " Have you heard from him?" "The first five days I got some telegrams." "Actually, it was always the same one." " Long?" " On the contrary." " One word?" " No, just the address." " And nothing else?" " Nothing." "And what did you think?" "It's disturbing." "It's either very clear or very vague." "It says all or nothing." "Sometimes it speaks volumes." "Depends how I'm feeling when they arrive." "I got three on the first day, two on the second, then one, one, one." "And nothing since for three days." "Want to leave for Hollywood with me right now?" "You do?" "Are you coming?" " You bet!" "Go out that way, and hurry." " Tell him, will you?" " I will." " What will you say?" " I don't know yet." "Break it to him gently." "Who slammed that door?" "I hate that." "Paulette." "Why?" "Did you two fight?" "No, she ran into her room." " Why?" " To change her dress." "But she looked lovely." "I stupidly told her it flattered her, so naturally she thought it made her look fat." "We'll have to watch her, especially since... she's watching me." "Since when?" "This is new." "Did she say something?" " She alluded to it." "She has no right to do this!" "I'm willing to go along as planned, but she has to cooperate." "This is so annoying." "Was it a direct allusion?" "Quite." "This is so unfair." "I'm paying a high price for a little freedom." "I'll tell her as much." " No!" "I mean... not right now." "Wait a few days." "You're getting married in 10 minutes." "And she's not ready." "Paulette, hurry up!" "It's almost time." "What if I just let it pass?" " There's an idea." " We'd just stay here." " Perhaps just delaying the inevitable." " Think so?" "I love you." " Tell me, darling." " What?" " What's my surprise?" " Then it won't be one." " Yes, it will." "Tell me." " I hate this." "If you insist, it's dead animals." "Little critters who are now nothing but fur and little noses and ears." " Foxes?" " Of course!" " What are they like?" " Sad, since they're dead, but there's still a silver lining, so to speak." "How many?" "I only had time to count the paws." "Forty-eight paws divided by four makes..." " Twelve foxes." " Yes, but she mustn't know." " Yes, she only got eight." " But I'm marrying her." "If she wants to swap furs, I'll swap women." " You'd marry me?" " My love..." "I'm 20 years your senior." "You'd be marrying me." "We're late for city hall." "Never has a wedding been so late and so lamented." " What if you and I went?" " That's not funny." " Tell me." " Yes, sweetie." " Would they marry us?" " Stop it." "It's not funny." "What is it?" "Why are you laughing?" "What are you hiding?" "Something's going on." "Something's definitely going on." "What is it?" "This can't be." " It is." "What happened?" "He came back?" "And she went off with him." "What a charming boy!" "Shall we get married this very moment?" "I'd love to." "The only problem is the reception." "You'll be across from me, and our legs won't touch." "But tell me:" "Is it my fate never to go 24 hours without my own woman?" "It's dreadful." " Dreadful?" "Of course!" "I'll never have another man's wife!" "Oh well." "Let's go get married anyway."