"Which planet is this again?" "M5V-801." "The one with the frequent tremors." "Not to mention an abnormally high amount of people with debilitating respiratory problems." "It's a mining planet." "It's not that surprising." "Not everybody worked in the mines, Rodney." "Get to the point, guys." "They're experiencing upwards of four tremors a day." "My seismic team has concluded that the area where they've built their settlement is dangerously unstable." "Not to mention my environmental and air quality tests came back way into the red." "My analysis was enough." "Thank you." "Well, obviously, it wasn't enough for them." "Anyway, these people said they've experienced tremors for as long as they can remember." "Yes, and I'm pretty sure they've been breathing even longer, so again, my problem trumps yours." "This is not a contest." "Obviously, they're living in a settlement that's not safe for habitation." "You need to convince them to move to another part of the continent." "Well, we tried." "It's not working." "Why not?" "Twenty years ago, the Genii kind of took over the planet, employed them all as miners." " Mining what?" " Haven't a clue." "But whatever it was, they cleaned out the deposits and left." " So?" " So, they think we're like the Genii, and they want their cut." "They're willing to move, but they have a list of demands a mile and a half long." "And negotiating with alien settlements is not exactly why I joined the Air Force." "We were hoping if you had some time, maybe you'd be willing..." "It would save us a lot of time in the back and forth." "Okay." "I'll free up my afternoon." "Appreciate that, Colonel." "Jennifer, Rodney." "I'll meet you at the gate in one hour." "I was rather hoping you'd go by yourself, and I wouldn't..." "One hour." "Man, I gotta start doing more cardio." "All this back and forth is getting me winded." " We couldn't have taken the Jumper?" " Oh, suck it up!" "It's not that bad." "I have to hike this much almost every day." " You do?" " Yeah, I'm a very active person." " You are?" " Your last physical would kind of contradict you." "That is private medical information that should not be so cavalierly shared in casual conversation, Doctor." "I don't think it comes as a great surprise to the colonel." "That's not the point!" "You know, I'm no Ronon." "I'm not going to be on the cover of Shape magazine anytime soon, but I can handle myself in combat, stand my ground when I need to..." " Rodney!" " Don't move." "Get down on your stomach, spread out your weight." "Rodney?" "McKay, are you all right?" " Oh, thank God." " Don't move, okay?" "Not a problem." "We're going to head back to the gate, try to get some help." "Just try to stay as still..." "Don't move if you feel any shooting pains." "I would never move if that was the case." "Well, it doesn't look like any of us are bleeding." "At least externally." "That's a godsend." "This whole place is a tetanus shot waiting to happen." "In fact, where the hell are we?" "I'd guess the Genii mining facility." "Just don't build them like they used to, huh?" "I am particularly not fond of the ceiling work." "If this is part of a larger facility..." "Then there should be a way for us to walk out of here." "Right." "Okay." "A little help here." "What about this one?" "Red means bad." "Can't argue with that logic." "Well, did you see this?" "That's not going to budge unless we enter the right code." "Look, these symbols are Genii numerals." "Yeah, but you can crack the code, though, right?" " Would be a lot easier..." " Would be a lot easier if it was electronic." "...if it was electronic." " What he said." " What she said." "It's not impossible, though, right?" "No, no, it's just highly, highly unlikely." "Okay, so, door number two?" "After you, Monty." "Okay." "On three." "One, two, three." "There goes that plan." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "Okay, three?" "One, two, three, go!" "Wait." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "What if..." "What if that door was sealed for a reason?" "What, you think maybe there's a scary monster back there?" "No, but this is a mining facility and who knows what kind of toxins are in there." "Like you said, "Red means bad."" "I'm willing to take the chance." "Whoa!" "I guess in Genii red means screwed." "Okay." "Okay, look, it's..." "We've been in the field for, what, half an hour?" "We've got another five before we need to check in." "So the safest thing for us to do is just sit tight and wait." "When we don't check in, they'll send a team." " Our radios should work down here, right?" " Yeah, they should." "Okay, so we..." "We sit and wait." "Okay." "Anyone bring any cards?" "No." "Tremor!" "That sounded very, very bad." "What do you suppose the probability is that this room is on the same kind of metal stilts as those other rooms we saw over there?" "Very high." "But this one's more stable, right?" "I mean, we're still standing." "Yeah, but with the three of us and this dirt, we've just added, what, 300, 400 pounds?" "I'd say, like, 500." "Right." "And this region experiences how many tremors a day?" "Four times a day, at least." "What is it?" "What's wrong?" "The supports that are stopping this room from dropping into the chasm are going to rapidly destabilize now that we've added all this extra weight." "I don't think we're going to be able to just wait for Atlantis to figure out we're missing." "You're right." "We're going to have to find a way out of here." "Well, there are a lot of crates in here." "Yeah, rickety, old ones." "I killed, like, three of them on the way down." "Yeah, but maybe we could make, like, a pyramid, stack them up, climb out." "I don't think there's enough to..." "There are, actually." "Just barely enough to get us high enough, but we should be able to make it work." "You think they'll support our weight?" "There's only one way to find out." "All right, look, if we're actually going to do this, I figure we need to stack these things, like, 20 feet high in order to climb out." "So, no matter how we build it, it's going to be unstable." "Well, only one person has to climb it." "Oh, no, I'm kind of awful with heights, so..." "So Sam goes." "What, you're not even going to consider yourself?" "It's heights, I'm probably worse than she is." " Let's get started." " All right, fine." "Maybe you should come down from there." "It sounds like it's..." "Sam!" "Easy, easy!" "You okay?" "Is she all right?" "That was fun." "Look, the bottom level won't hold." "The crates aren't strong enough to stack." " Yeah, I got that, thanks." " So?" "So?" "We need another plan." "And quick." "Hey, I got some files here." "Can anyone read Genii?" "Hello, hello!" " What have you got?" " Grappling hook." "At least, something we can use as a grappling hook." "Great." "Now all we need is some rope." "Okay, just a sec." "The ceiling is, like, what?" "Twenty feet?" " Twenty-five?" " All right, 25." "So our jackets, end-to-end are five or six feet, we tie those to our shirts, maybe even our pants together..." "That should be able to get us up there and support our weight." "Great." "Found rope!" "Rope and lanterns." " Oh, good." " More than enough for what we need." " Well, nice work." " Thank you." " What are you doing?" " Well, I'm going to tie the rope on and toss it up there so you can climb up." " I can't do it." " Quitter talk." "No, I can't climb this." "This rope, it's too thin." "We need to tie knots in it." "I need something to grip onto." "Right." "That's a lot of knots." "Well, we only need about 30 feet or so." "Okay, well, you gals get started on the knotting and I'll read those files." "What?" "Look, they could contain the code to the door there." "Besides, three people can't knot the same rope." "Unless either of you speak Genii..." "Fine, we'll get started." "Well, want to play 20 Questions?" "I'll let you go first." "Animal, vegetable or mineral?" "I'm good, thanks." "Well, here's a better one we can play." "Brad Pitt or George Clooney?" "If you had to choose." "Clooney, I guess." "Pitt all the way." "Okay, you go." "Come on, it's easy." "Any two guys I would know." "Okay, okay." "Brian Greene or Neil deGrasse Tyson." "They're physicists." "They're on TV." "I picked ones you should know." "Brian Greene, I guess." "Tyson, all the way." "Are you talking about Neil deGrasse Tyson?" "He once stole an idea from me." "Did I tell you that story?" "Only about a dozen times, McKay." "We're playing "Who would you rather?" Want to join us?" "Would you..." "Sorry, I don't get it." "Well, if you had to choose who to fool around with, would it be..." "Robert Redford or Paul Newman?" "Neither?" "Yeah, I know, but if you had to." "If I had to?" "So, I'm to choose which one of those guys" "I would want to force themselves on me because..." "It's just a dumb game, McKay." "You're not secure enough in your masculinity to play a dumb game?" "Yes, well, I think I am, I just..." "Think I should go back to my reading." "You know, the one thing that could get us out of here?" " Newman." " Absolutely." "Not even a question." " Shut up a second." " No, we're allowed to talk." "No, no, no." "I hear something." "There's someone up there." "Help!" "We're stuck down here!" "Hello?" "What if the ceiling caves in on them, too?" "Well, we came through that section." "It's been eaten away by rust." "The rest of the ceiling looks fine." "He's right." "As long as they don't fall in the hole, they should be able to get help." "Hello!" "Help!" "We're stuck down here!" "Can you hear us?" "Hello?" "Oh, thank God." "Who are you?" "We're visitors." "We were on our way to speak to the people of your settlement." "You shouldn't be down there." "Yeah, we know, we fell down here by accident." "You all okay?" "Yeah, yeah, we're fine." "We're just stuck." "We need some help." "You shouldn't be down there." "Yeah, thanks, kid." "Like I said..." "Go tell your parents." "Tell them where we are, that we're stuck and we need help." "I don't think we can do that." "What?" "Why not?" "We're not really supposed to play out here." "If our parents find out..." "It's okay, I promise you won't get into trouble." "You don't know my father." "He'll be very upset." "I'll explain the situation to him." "It'll be okay." "Please?" "We're hurt." "We need help." "Wait a minute, he said you were all okay." "I asked him." "All right, listen to me, you little brats!" "I am older than you and I am in charge." " Rodney, Rodney..." " You will go back to your parents, you will tell them we need help, or so help me..." "Do you need something?" "Anything, we can get it for you." "If you help us, we'll get you whatever you want." " Oh, yes, good, great idea, yes." " Thanks." " Maybe you should show them your..." " Excuse me?" "I was once a 10-year-old boy, too." "I know what gets their attention." "McKay!" "What?" "Do you want to get out of here or not?" "I think we can reason with them without resorting to that, thank you." "If you say so." "We gotta go now." "Bye!" "No!" "Wait, wait, wait, wait!" "Good luck." " Would it have killed you to show..." " Drop it, McKay!" "It's not going to happen." "Four hours and 50 minutes." "I'm warning you." "I mean, I could go crazy down here." "Ever since the whole Jumper thing a couple of years ago," "I've been very bad with tight spaces." "Please." "That's nothing." "I was stuck in a transporter with Zelenka for three hours." "Now, that's hard." "What are you saying, you don't like Zelenka?" "No, I just..." "It was more claustrophobic than this." "Yeah, but that's not what you said." "You emphasized Zelenka." "You said, "Being stuck with Zelenka for three hours,"" "like that was the hard part." "It did kind of sound that way." " Look..." " You can say you don't like him." "It's fine." "I don't like him." "Well, he's certainly a unique guy." "He's always telling me how nice my hair smells." "It's a little weird." " He's a very good person." " Well, sure, sure, he's the best." " You just don't like him." " I did not say that." "You didn't have to." "I know which one's your favorite now." " It's not a contest." " Everything is a contest." " Don't you have some reading to do?" " There's nothing in there." "Certainly nothing about the door code." "So..." "So?" "Back to knotting." "Steve Carell or Stephen Colbert?" "Oh, Colbert, I think." "Carell, but I would pick Jon Stewart over both of them." "If I was forced to." "Are you and Katie still..." "Oh." "Well, it's kind of messed up now." "Why?" "What happened?" "Well, I was going to propose." "You were?" "Yeah, I bought her a ring and everything." "You know, was going to ask her, and then the quarantine error happened." "What does that have to do with anything?" "Well, I don't particularly want to go into the details, but I told her that I needed some time for me." "You know, it had nothing to do with her." "I just needed to figure some stuff out." "Now she doesn't want to speak to me." "She's filed for a transfer back to Earth." "You broke up with her." "That's a break-up." " No, I didn't." " Yeah, you did." "No, I said I needed some time for me." "Yeah, code for "I'm not that into you anymore."" " But I meant it!" " It doesn't matter." "You can't almost propose to someone and then take it back." "That's a relationship killer." "Oh, I suppose it was for the best." "I mean, she deserves to be with someone who would've known that." "What she deserves is to be with a nice guy like you." " Hey." " What?" " We're finished." " Oh!" "Finally." "All right." " You guys hear that?" " It's the kids!" " They've come back for us." " Oh, I knew they were good kids." "I knew it." "Down here!" "I knew you'd come back!" "Guys?" "See?" "I told you they were down there." "Are your parents up there?" "Did you bring help?" "No." "Our friends didn't believe us." "We bet them a week's supply of taffle that we were telling the truth." "See?" "I told you not to." "Where are the adults?" "We can't tell them." "We'll get in trouble." "Trouble?" "Now, you wait till I get out of here, you little brats!" "I'll show you what trouble is!" "Tremor!" "We're moving!" "We're tilting over!" "It stopped." "The superstructure under this room must have buckled." "One more tremor, this whole chamber's going to fall into the chasm." " Do you want me to do that?" " No." "I can do it." "Well, it's just..." "Have you ever done anything like this before?" "What, like you have?" "Yes, actually, I have a bunch of times." "Yeah?" "Well, I mean, so have I." "You know, missions and such." " Okay." " You should probably..." "Oh, right." "All right." "All right." " McKay!" " Sorry." "Sorry." "You just about took my head off." "Yeah, but I didn't mean to." "It slipped." "Let me do it." " I can do it." " Apparently, you can't." "I can do it, just don't stand in front of me." "Or behind me." "Okay." "Okay." "See?" "Almost there." " All right." " You'll get it." "You can do this." "This is the one." "I can feel it, this is the one." " What are you doing?" " Stay there!" " Anything hurt?" " No, it's just my pride." "That'll heal." " You did it." " Oh." "Great." "All right, here goes nothing." "Oh, nuts!" "There's no way the hook can grab onto that soil." "All those knots..." "Well, we had to try." "Any other ideas?" "See those beams up there?" "We use the rope to get up there." "That buys us at least 10 feet." "Then we build a bridge, a bridge using..." "Using these." "Stack a couple of crates, we're golden." "We got that high before." "Yeah, but I don't think these are long enough to span the distance between those two beams." "So we find a hammer and nails." "Sure, why not just add a jetpack and a trampoline to that list?" "It is possible to find a hammer and nails." "We've been over the room pretty thoroughly." " But there's got to be a hammer and nails." " Well, even if we found them..." "Look, we just have to build a bridge." "Wait a second, wait a second." "That bar bet." " Sorry?" " That dumb trick you do to get free beer." "We don't know what you're talking about." "Bet goes like this." "Using these three knives and without moving these three cups, you need to build a bridge that can support another cup's weight." "We don't have another cup." "Whatever." "We'll use these." "Okay." "Now..." "See?" "Just like our boards." "Just a little too short to span the space between the two beams there." "Okay, you know what?" "We're geniuses, we could probably figure it out," " but a little under the gun, so..." " Okay." "Okay." "Okay." " You owe me a beer, by the way." " Hey, this works, I'll buy you a keg." "I knew this wasn't such a good idea." "Listen, I know I have a reputation for being overly pessimistic, but I really think you should come down right now before it all collapses." "Sam." "Sam, just head back." "I'm almost there." "Oh, no!" "Whoa!" "Sam!" "Don't move." "Don't move!" "Let me see." "Your leg is broken." "We're in trouble now, aren't we?" "No, we'll be fine." "We just..." "We'll be fine." "Okay." "Can you help me?" "Okay, one hand here, on her knee." "One hand down here, on her ankle." "Keep it nice and straight." "You're not going to like this, but I got to take your boot off." "Yeah, I thought you might." "Okay." "Here it comes." "Okay." "Tell me when you can feel my finger on the bottom of your foot." "Okay." "Yep." "Yeah." " Here?" " Yeah." "Okay." "We need to find another one of these, make a splint." "Okay." "Look." "How bad is she?" "Well, it's not so bad." "She still has feeling in her foot, so there doesn't seem to be any nerve damage, but the break's pretty severe." "Which means there may very well be internal bleeding." "Yeah, but that's..." "I mean, that's bad, isn't it?" "Well, it's not really good, no." "I would need to get her under a scanner." "Okay, worst-case scenario, she's bleeding internally." "How long has she got before she..." "Before it becomes very serious?" "An hour." " Oh, boy." " Come on." "So, what?" "Hour before internal bleeding becomes a problem?" " How did you..." " It's not my first rodeo, Rodney." "Here's some ibuprofen." "Ibuprofen?" "That's the strongest thing you've got?" "It's all I have in this basic kit." "Although, from this point on, I think I'm making morphine mandatory." "As well as maybe a grappling gun." "I wouldn't take the morphine." "Gotta keep a clear head." "We still have to figure out a way out of here." "At least, one of us does." "Chances are pretty slim that I'm going to climb out." " Yeah, well, the crates are out." " Yep." " Hey, if you got an idea, feel free." " Hey, I came up with the bar trick thing, okay?" "And that didn't work out so well, so I think I'll just leave it to the pros." "Yeah." "Sorry." "All my energy's focused on not screaming in agony." "Wonderful." "Okay." "Well, the grappling hook didn't work because the hook wouldn't hold our weight in the soil." "The crates didn't work because Sam was too heavy." "Oh." "We all would have been." "I mean, our weight in general." "It had nothing to do with you." "I mean, you're in very good shape." "Seriously." "You have, like, the perfect body." "Oh, not that you don't." "Oh, no." "No, no." "I realize that your bodies are different, and maybe that would mean that I think that your body is imperfect, but that is not the case." "No." "No, no." "Far, far, far from it." "That is a sweet..." "Which is to say, I mean, it would be impossible for me to choose which of you..." "Rest assured, you're never going to have to." "Aw, if we'd kept quiet, I bet he would have gone on like that forever." "Okay, I'm sorry." "What I mean is that you have..." "Rodney!" "Stay on topic." "Right." "Right." "Okay..." "Right, where was I?" "All right, look..." "If we can get this rod up there, attach the rope to it, it'll lay across the hole, support our weight." "We won't have to worry about the soil." "You were barely able to get the grappling hook up there." "Barely?" "Were you not watching?" "It's just that it's a lot heavier than that." "So..." "A detonator." "I need a detonator." "We should place the detonator at the bottom of the tube." "Okay." "Now." "We have to seal the bottom of the tube around the gas leak, like so." "All right." "So..." "Put the wadding and the rod into the barrel." "And then, gently create a seal." "We don't want to pack it too tight, otherwise we've got ourselves a pipe bomb." "But, if we play it right, our very own cannon." " You really think this is going to work?" " It should." "You can build a cannon just like that?" "Please, we got access to pressurized gas." "This is a cinch." "You should have seen my grade six science project, actually had to..." "Rodney." "Right." "Okay, yeah." "All right, so..." "Ready?" "All right." "Okay." "And are we ready?" "Ready." "Fire in the hole." "Nice aim!" "Nice cannon." "That went really far." "McKay!" "You should stop." "There's too much dirt coming in." " The room's going to get too heavy." " I've almost got it!" "Jennifer!" "I'm down here!" "Rodney, don't let go!" "Rodney, don't let go!" " Rodney?" " Sam, I can't hold it." "Yes, you can!" "No, no, I've never been good at holding heavy things." "I had an old lady's grocery cart when I was in college." "That's one of the reasons I didn't date as much as I should have." "Stay focused!" "You need to pull her up." "Oh, really?" "I was just getting used to the idea of not letting go." "She can't just hang there forever, Rodney." "Well, help me!" "Rodney, I can't help you." "I can't even stand up." "You going to have to pull her up on your own." "Wait, wait, wait, wait!" "Don't pull me up!" "What?" "Why?" " I see light!" " No, no, no, no!" "Don't go towards the light." "You want to stay in the land of the living!" "No, daylight." "There's a mineshaft down here, I see daylight!" "Of course, just like the ones on the other side of the mine." "We should have thought of that!" "Okay, guys, what do you want me to do?" "What do I do?" "Lower me." "Lower you?" "It's about 10 feet away." "I just need to swing over." "What if the mineshaft is harder to get out of than this chamber?" "We already lost our exit, Rodney." "I'll take my chances!" "Just lower me, I can't hold on forever." "You and me both." " Okay, good, stop." " Gladly." "You're doing great, Rodney!" "You're doing just great." "No, great is the beach with a fiber-optic hook-up." "This?" "This is complete agony!" "I made it!" "You could have warned me." "This thing leads straight out." "It's a nice, steady slope!" "Come on, you guys got to get down here!" "You go." "What?" "No way." "There's no way I'm going to be able to lower myself." "You won't have to." "I'll lower you." "Rodney, your hands." "Look, I'm not leaving you behind." "Come on, I'll make you a seat." "Okay, that's good." "Stop!" "Stopping!" "Okay." "Almost there!" "Just give me a few more feet of slack!" "Okay, I got her!" " You're up, McKay!" " Oh, great." "Great, because you know what I was just thinking what would be awesome?" "Would be more physical exertion." "Come on now, start swinging." "Rodney, you have to use your body and start swinging." "Come on, you're so close." "No." "Used everything I got to get this far." "So that's it then, you're quitting?" "You're just gonna die there on the rope?" "No." "No, I'm just taking a little rest." "You know, I'm like a real-life action star, kind of." "What?" "You know, shooting guns, running around, saving people." "You'd think this would be easy for me now." "You think I'd be, like, super buff by now." "Okay, come on, Schwarzenegger, start swinging." "Just a second more." "Okay, break's over." "That was close." "Correction." "That was close." "Yeah." "Okay, come on." "You need to help me." "Looks good." "Okay, thank you." "How's Sam?" "She's going to be okay." "It's a clean break, so they're resetting it and putting her into a cast." "Which means she's going to be on crutches for a few weeks or so, but..." "Thank you." "She's going to be fine." "How you doing?" "I'd like to take a bath in whatever magical ointment they just put on my hands 'cause they are the only thing that doesn't hurt." "It's not going to scar, is it?" " Chicks dig scars." " Not the chicks I dig." "You're going to be fine." " Thanks, by the way." " For what?" "You saved my life." " If you had let go..." " You're welcome." "Right, well, I'm going back to my room, curling up in the fetal position and sleeping for the next three days." "Oh, well, not quite yet." "You owe me a beer from the bar trick thing earlier." "You couldn't figure it out, so..." "There was no time!" "I would've figured it out." "Yeah, well, eventually, I mean, chimps would have been able to figure it out, but the thing is, you didn't, so I win and you owe me a beer." "I don't remember ever agreeing to the beer." " McKay." " What?" "Do you want to have a drink with me, or not?" "Oh, you want to have a drink?" "God, you're not very good at this, are you?" "No." "No, I'm not." "Come on." "Subripped by CLT-Team"