"Taxi!" "Taxi!" "MAN:" "Excuse me, do you have a light?" "And an extra cigarette?" "Thanks." "There's nothing like a morning cigarette." "Coffee and cigarette." "You wouldn't believe this dream I had." "I dreamt I was back home with the missus, and I'm sitting in the kitchen next to her..." "jim:" "Taxi!" "MAN:" "...drinking my coffee, smoking a cigarette." "[ Taxi radio dispatch chatter ]" "And the missus says," ""Bunny, why don't you stay home from work today, and we'll be together, just the two of us, like this?"" "She's not alive anymore, but a coffee would be nice, just like in the dream." "jim:" "Oh..." "Listen..." "You can have all my money." "I only have 50..." "MAN:" "Hey!" "If it's not enough, I'll go with you to an ATM, but please don't kill me." "I have two children." "MAN:" "Man, relax." "I was just gonna ask you for a buck for coffee." "I wasn't robbing you." "This isn't even mine." "Oh." "So, may I ask whose it is?" "I don't know." "I found it under my cardboard this morning." "[ Chuckles, sighs ]" "You scared the shit out of me." "MAN:" "So... how about it, Sir?" "Would you give me a buck for a cup of coffee?" "jim:" "Oh, so, that's your drill." "You scare the shit out of people, and then they're so grateful you're not really robbing them that they give you the money." "MAN:" "Mate, you got it all wrong." "Wrong, huh?" "So, why the hell did you take that gun?" "Actually, I thought to myself" "I'd ask the first person I saw for a coffee and a cigarette." "And if that person said no?" "Then, I might as well join the missus." "So, how about that coffee?" "Or what?" "You'll shoot yourself?" "You know, in my field, you see a lot of manipulation." "But you?" "You're the king!" "ls that a yes?" "What you're doing here is completely, I mean, completely, unfair." "If you have to shoot yourself, it's tragic, but it has nothing to do with me." "You hear?" "I'm not responsible." "You're absolutely right." "Here's what we're gonna do..." "You're gonna put the gun down and ask for that buck like a normal homeless person, and I'll answer what I answer with no connection to your situation or this gun or anything else." "Okay." "Okay, what?" "Would you please...give me a dollar for a cup of coffee?" "I'm sorry." "If I give you the money, I'll feel manipulated." "I'm just gonna go now, okay?" "Okay." "jim:" "Maybe tomorrow." "Thank you, anyway." "You're welcome." "[ Gunshot ]" "[ Water running into sink ]" "jim:" "This city!" "Everybody is crazy!" "I swear to God!" "DAVE:" "W-what's all this blood?" "Are you okay?" "What are you doing here?" "I was cleaning the waffle maker." "What happened to the interview?" "DAVE:" "I didn't get the job." "Dave!" "They said I didn't have the necessary experience." "Is that your blood?" "How much experience do you need for telemarketing?" "DAVE:" "That's what they said." "And what did you say?" "Thank you, anyway." "Thank you, anyway?" "Didn't I tell you that nice guys always finish last?" "DAVE:" "So... whose blood is this?" "jim:" "A nice guy." "I don't know his name." "I have to get to work, Dave." "Do you feel like walking me out?" "michelle, lNSlDE APARTMENT:" "Passive-aggressive!" "What's not to understand?" "DAVE:" "Dad, I'm sorry about the interview." "RON, lNSlDE APARTMENT:" "Well, what does it even mean?" "michelle:" "Passive, as in "even if I live to be 1 00," "I'll never wash a cup."" "And aggressive, as in" ""I'd rather eat my own nuts than have dinner with your parents."" "Oh, the mouth on her!" "She reminds me of your mother." "[ Elevator engine revs ]" "I really think you should ask your brother to put in a good word with his boss." "It just seems so embarrassing going into peoples' homes, taking their stuff." "You're talking as if he's a burglar, Dave." "Repossessing is a respectable job." "Yes, still..." "jim:" "Well, just think about it." "Okay." "And, in the meantime, I'll go over the mail, vacuum, and cook us dinner." "How do crêpes with cream and truffles sound?" "Great." "I will need 10 bucks for truffle shavings, though." "I didn't know that truffles shaved." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Sounds of soccer game come from store display ]" "Nice move!" "ZACK:" "Thank you." "WOMAN, voiceover:" "Have you ever wondered," ""What"s the meaning of life?" "Why do we exist?""" "The answer to this vexing question is now within your reach!" "You"ll find it in a small, amazing booklet, which will explain in easy to follow, simple terms your reason for being!" "michelle, lNSlDE APARTMENT:" "Don't patronize me!" "WOMAN, voiceover:" "The booklet, printed on the finest paper, contains illuminating, exquisite color pictures and can be yours for a mere $9.99." "michelle:" "I'm not screaming!" "RON:" "Yes, you are." "michelle:" "I'm not!" "I'm just talking very loud." "RON:" "I don't get it." "I said I wanted to marry you." "No, no." "You said you're willing to marry me." "It's not that I'm against it." "I just... don't think that it's important." "[ Sarcastically ]:" "Marriage isn't important." "A baby isn't important." "A career isn't important." "What goes on in the world isn't important." "What is important?" "Marriage, kids..." "Listen to yourself." "You sound like an old maid." "Ron, I am an old maid." "We don't all manage to stay 15." "[ Front door opens ]" "[ Door closes ]" "[ Catches breath ]" "[ Sniffs ]" "[ Elevator dings ]" "ALBERT:" "Are you all right?" "Yes." "Why?" "You've been crying." "No, it's just allergies." "I know how it is." "I have a lot of those, especially to cats." "Not the cats themselves -- their hair, actually." "Not even their hair, but the saliva on their hair." "It's a shame, because I would really like to have one." "They're so cuddly." "[ Michelle sniffs ]" "You are crying." "Here, have a cookie." "ZACK:" "Soccer Jack passes from the left..." "[ Elevator dings ]" "ALBERT:" "Let me help you." "I'm fine, thank you." "[ Someone running down stairs ]" "ALBERT:" "Hi, Dave." "Would you like a cookie?" "DAVE:" "Oh, sorry, Mr. Kweller." "I have to run to the Post Office." "ALBERT:" "So, have one for the road." "They're very good." "DAVE:" "Thanks." "ALBERT:" "You know, I once had a cousin who worked for the Post Office." "He wasn't exactly my cousin" "I'm sorry." "Maybe you can tell me about your cousin some other time." "And that's the thing." "He wasn't really my cousin." "His grandmother and my grandmother were sisters." "[ Espresso machine hisses ]" "LENNY:" "I'll have... two Sub-Zero Mocha-Blizzard Extravaganzas, one Coke, and two of your Gigantic Chunky Chocolate-Chip Surprises." "MAN lN SHOP:" "Sure, no problem." "LENNY:" "Take away." "Do you want one?" "They're gigantic." "MAN lN SHOP:" "$8.50 please." "Thank you very much." "LENNY:" "Can I have one more of your Mega, Super-Sweet Teary-Eyed Smiles?" "They are really great." "michelle:" "Look, you seem really nice, for a repossessor..." "Lenny, but I'd rather be alone." "LENNY:" "Why, because I'm a repossessor?" "[ Truck horn honks, engine revs ]" "Come on." "We're not that bad." "We're just like Robin Hood, only in reverse." "What's your name?" "[ Bells on door jingle ]" "Sorry." "MAN lN SHOP:" "Good morning." "What can I get you?" "ALBERT:" "Good morning." "LENNY:" "An unplanned child?" "Oh, no, not him." "Mr. Kweller!" "Hey, how are you doing?" "ALBERT:" "Ah, you're the Pecks' boy!" "I just saw your brother..." "LENNY:" "Now, Mr. Kweller, have you met my fiancée?" "What did you say your name was?" "Actually, we have met." "I saw her in the lift earlier." "She was crying." "[ Bells on door jingle ]" "Yeah, she's very emotional." "Sometimes I think we're not gonna make it." "[ Horn honks ]" "Are you leaving, too?" "I must." "Duty honks." "Say hello to your parents for me." "Sorry." "I mean, to your father." "There's no need to apologize, Mr. Kweller." "You're not the one Mom ran away with." "driver:" "Lenny!" "LENNY:" "Yes, Sir." "imaginary SOCCER ANNOUNCER:" "Look at him go!" "Pure lightning!" "He turns into a -- goal!" "[ lmaginary crowd cheers, fades out ]" "Zacky, I got you something." "Soccer Jack?" "!" "CLEMENT:" "No, not Soccer Jack, but I'll tell you what we'll do." "Each time you finish your milk," "I'll give you 50 cents to put in this piggy bank." "And when it's full of coins, you'll get your what's-his-name action figure." "Is it a deal?" "I know you're disappointed now, but I'm doing it for your sake." "How come?" "Because in life, you don't always get what you want." "You have to work hard for it." "Kids who don't learn that grow up to be criminals because they're used to getting everything the easy way." "But remember, if you throw up no money." "BlSLEY:" "Congrats!" "Who's the lucky bitch?" "STANTON:" "Easy, Bisley." "Don't insult the man." "BlSLEY:" "Why insult?" "I meant a hot bitch." "DRAZAN:" "Where?" "STANTON:" "So, when's the wedding?" "No wedding." "She just left." "BlSLEY:" "Even better." "Just say the word, and Drazan here will arrange for three surfer babes who will get in line to blow you." "Who are you?" "BlSLEY:" "Who am I?" "Did you hear that, Stanton?" "Tell the man who I am." "STANTON:" "Why, he's Bisley." "RON:" "Who?" "King of Banana Beach." "I'm Scuba Stanton." "And this is Drazan." "We go to Uni with him." "RON:" "Do you mind not smoking in here?" "Michelle's allergic." "BlSLEY:" "Who the fuck is Michelle?" "My fiancée." "BlSLEY:" "Not anymore." "DRAZAN:" "Hey, can I see the ring?" "[ Sighs ]" "DRAZAN:" "Thanks." "Whoop!" "Hup!" "RON:" "lsn't she beautiful?" "STANTON:" "You really love her." "BlSLEY:" "Hey, Drazan... give it here!" "DRAZAN:" "Yup!" "[ Glass crashes ]" "Bisley 1, bitch ex-girlfriend: 0!" "RON [ Angrily ]:" "What the fuck are you doing?" "BlSLEY:" "What's eating you?" "Pick up that glass now!" "BlSLEY:" "Or what, Lover Boy?" "STANTON:" "Relax, man." "He didn't mean it." "I don't care." "He broke it, he'll pick it up." "DRAZAN:" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "I say let the cards decide." "Four rounds of poker." "If the big guy wins, you make like a cleaning lady and pick up the glass." "And if I win?" "DRAZAN:" "We'll think of something." "RON:" "Hmm." "[ Eggs frying ]" "DAVE:" "The Pecks' world-famous crêpe with cream and..." "jim:" "And?" "And I spoke with Lenny about the job." "jim:" "That's great news." "DAVE:" "They have a repossession in our building tomorrow." "His boss said I can try out." "Wow, the Peck boys riding together." "I'm telling you, if I were 20 years younger," "I would quit my job and come work with you." "Imagine, the three of us in a van together." "DAVE:" "Well, it's only a try-out." "I'm sure you'll do great, partner." "I ordered this book today, about the meaning of life." "The catalogue says..." "jim:" "How much was it?" "DAVE: $9.99" "That's pretty cheap for nothing." "You haven't even read it." "And I thought your mom was the only one in the world who believed in those catalogues." "And look where it got her." "Where?" "I don't know." "You'd think she'd at least send a postcard." "[ March playing in background ]" "Ah, it's from the Gas Company." "[ Telephone rings ]" "Hello." "PHONE-SURVEY LADY:" "Good day." "I"m calling for Quick-Pulse Surveys." "Do you have time to answer a few questions?" "Quick-Pulse?" "That's a beautiful name." "Thank you, Sir." "Albert." "My name is Albert Kweller." "Okay." "Mr. Kweller, how often do you travel?" "Overseas or domestic?" "Either." "ALBERT:" "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not much of a traveler." "The last time I left home was 41 years ago." "Are the rest of your questions about traveling, too?" "I"m afraid so." "ALBERT:" "My wife could have answered all of them." "She really loved traveling and hiking and dancing." "Me " " I can't hold a rhythm..." "But my wife -- well, you should have seen her dance!" "You can't, of course." "She died." "Hit by a tram." "The driver cried like a baby." "They took his tram license off him for life." "Well, not that it matters -- They don't use trams anymore." "Well..." "I"m sorry to have bothered you." "No, no." "You didn't bother me." "I really liked talking to you." "[ Dial tone ]" "[ Coin clinks in piggy bank ]" "[ Ron's little friends laughing ]" "[ Loud heavy-metal music plays ]" "RON:" "I'm a jerk, I'm a jerk, I'm a jerk." "DRAZAN:" "Another round?" "RON:" "No more cards." "DRAZAN:" "I meant beer." "BlSLEY:" "Check out the hot chick on TV!" "First Bank." "When it comes to banks, think First, because life doesn"t give you a second chance." "jim:" "Put the gun down!" "[ Gunshot ]" "No, don't!" "I'm sorry." "I thought you were asleep." "I was." "I had a bad dream." "What did you dream about?" "Bad things." "Enough of those to go around lately." "[ Kiss ]" "Good night, son." "Dad..." "Don't you ever ask yourself..." "...about life?" "You're a good boy, Dave." "You have a big day tomorrow." "Sleep tight." "radio PREACHER:" "As we"re nearing the end of our broadcast," "I"d like to leave you with this message..." "Speak, and the Lord will listen." "Open your heart and pray to the Lord, and He will answer your prayers." "You"re listening to GOD Radio, 91.6 FM." "Good night, and God Bless." "[ Knock at door ]" "[ Slippers scuffing floor ]" "[ Sneezes ]" "May I?" "It's very windy in your stairwell." "[ Sneezes ]" "I think I'm getting bronchitis again." "Please come in." "Can I get you something warm?" "Yeah, a 12-ounce, medium-rare steak with chips and salad." "Or a tea." "ALBERT:" "I have Earl Grey, peach, chamomile..." "Whichever, as long as it's hot." "Hey!" "Sorry." "Are you an angel?" "No." "I'm a giant talking pigeon." "[ Coos like a pigeon ]" "Is there a God?" "Is there a God?" "Are you one of those atheist, nihilistic, good-for-nothing," "Ieft-wing Communists?" "God, no!" "I was just very curious about Him." "Is He tall?" "I had a vision once..." "[ Clears throat ]" "Tea first, visions later." "I'm dying here." "[ Click ]" "[ Telephone ringing ]" "[ Bottle rolls across floor ]" "michelle:" "Ron?" "Hi." "It"s me." "It"s really early." "I guess you"re sleeping." "I"m not." "[ Sighs ]" "Call me." "Bye." "[ Answering machine beeps ]" "[ Bisley grunts, rolls onto button ]" "[ Two beeps ]" "answering machine:" "Message deleted." "ALBERT:" "And there are no poor people in heaven?" "Poor people?" "Everyone in heaven has a limo." "And who drives their limos?" "All sorts of people." "Especially foreigners without visas." "And the houses?" "How do the houses look?" "Have you ever been to the Sunshine Coast?" "No." "Well, you must." "It's something else." "And heaven?" "Exactly like the Sunshine Coast." "To be honest, that's a bit disappointing." "That's because you've never been there." "And the people?" "Are they lonely?" "It's a real shame you don't have doughnuts." "The cookies aren't tasty?" "Tasty?" "Tasty?" "It's not a matter of taste." "It's a matter of volume." "Do you want me to go get doughnuts?" "ANGEL:" "No, I wouldn't want to impose." "I'll go." "Would you happen to have 5 bucks?" "Maybe 1 0." "I'll get cigarettes, too." "[ Slippers scuffing floor ]" "And you'll be right back?" "So help me God." "When will you be back?" "In a while." "I have some errands to run." "Good deeds and such?" "[ Front door opens ]" "ANGEL:" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "[ Front door closes ]" "SAMMY:" "Next time you try to pull off something like this," "I'll see to it that you get fired." "Come on, Sammy." "The man was blind." "How could I take his TV?" "Fuck him!" "He's blind!" "He doesn't need a TV." "Okay, man." "My mistake." "Lenny, if you want to be a professional..." "LENNY:" "Okay, I got it." "You know what your problem is?" "DAVE:" "Hi, Lenny." "Who the fuck are you?" "It's my brother." "You said he could come try out with us today." "Hi." "I'm Dave." "SAMMY:" "Did I say that?" "Now, where does this loser live?" "[ Whispering ]:" "I hope it's not someone we know." "Hey, do you know where Marcus Portman lives?" "Do you have a light?" "And a cigarette?" "Huh?" "Give me a cigarette, and I'll tell you where he lives." "And if I didn't have cigarettes, you wouldn't tell me?" "Wow, you're the sharpest tool in the shed!" "[ Sniffs ]" "Menthol?" "What are you?" "A woman?" "Give it back!" "LENNY:" "Hey, hey, chill out, Sammy." "It's not worth it." "Yeah, Fatso." "Listen to your friend." "Hey, kid, do you have a real cigarette?" "Sorry." "Next time we meet, it'll be in your living room." "I'll repossess stuff you didn't even know you had." "I'll peel off your bathroom's ceramic, tile by tile, you hear?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Hey, look, Sammy." "Portman, 6B." "[ Beep ]" "MARCUS:" "Who is it?" "Shit, it's like smoking chewing gum." "Am I right?" "Mm?" "[ Display soccer-game recording plays ]" "Do you know this man?" "Didn't I tell you not to talk to strangers?" "CLEMENT:" "Are you listening?" "And throw that away, Zack." "It's dirty." "[ Classical music plays in background ]" "So, you got yourself in big trouble, huh?" "Not me." "A friend." "I cosigned his loan." "A cosigner?" "Man, you are in big trouble." "Do you mind?" "MARCUS:" "No, no, no." "Help yourself." "Dave?" "There's also fruit in the bottom drawer." "Eat some." "It'll make the fridge lighter on the way down." "Oh, that's very kind." "I hadn't thought of that." "Oh, it's flat." "Coke?" "Can't you see I'm working?" "How many inches is the screen?" "Screen?" "Which screen?" "The TV screen." "In the box in the living room." "22 inches, but you can't take it." "It's not mine." "It's a gift for my father." "He's turning 80." "Did you buy it?" "Yes, I did, but" "My friend, if you can't pay your debts, don't buy presents." "DAVE:" "Excuse me." "It's Mr. Portman's dad's birthday." "SAMMY:" "Shut up." "Lenny, how about you move your ass and start taking things down to the truck?" "[ Door opens, closes ]" "Maybe you can get your dad a book about the meaning of life, instead." "I just ordered one." "They're not as expensive as you'd think." "Can you please come with me to the living room?" "SAMMY:" "What's this?" "It's my magic trunk." "Right!" "I knew you were familiar!" "You're Marcus Pokus." "You were on that TV show with the curly-haired guy and the dog." "Tulip!" "Woof!" "TANlTA:" "Oh, they're here." "Thank you." "Hey!" "Hey." "This isn't my microwave." "I bet yours is much nicer." "Are you from Samson Movers?" "Sorry." "I can't believe how late they are." "Yeah." "Never trust movers." "And repossessors?" "We're always on time." "What do you think you're doing?" "Alla shazam!" "Alla shazoom!" "DAVE:" "Wow!" "You bring that TV back right away, you hear?" "!" "I've already made out a receipt for it!" "What's your name?" "Dave." "Keep an eye on this creep." "I'm going to the police." "If anything else disappears, write it down." "[ Door opens, slams ]" "With the unicorn?" "No, I haven't seen that one, but from the second I saw you," "I could tell that you were a supermodel." "I better call again..." "[ Clears throat ] ...to find out where my stuff is." "Can I have your number?" "My number?" "[ Horn honks ]" "You don't even know my name." "I was gonna call you and ask you what your name is." "SAMMY:" "I want to see him laugh when his cell mate decides he needs a wife." "Hey, Sammy, have you met...?" "Well, you'll have to call to find out." "SAMMY:" "Come on." "We're going to the police." "[ Door slams ]" "LENNY:" "Wait!" "Sammy!" "[ Movers grunting ]" "MOVER 1:" "Oh, mate, this is going to take us all day!" "Jeez, what's in this thing?" "MOVER 2:" "Buggered if I know." "[ Sammy honks ]" "SAMMY:" "Lenny!" "[ Door slams, engine revs ]" "[ Loud rock music playing ]" "[ lnhales ]" "[ Coughs ]" "DRAZAN:" "Wanna see a cool trick?" "STANTON:" "Drazan, I told you a thousand times -- fart torching is very dangerous." "DRAZAN:" "No, no, something else." "[ Coughs ]" "[ Coughs, guys laugh ]" "[ Coughs ]" "[ Coughs, laughter ]" "[ Coughs ]" "[ Blows three times ]" "[ Other guys laugh ]" "BlSLEY:" "That's a good one!" "[ Telephone rings ]" "Shh." "[ Music stops ]" "Hello?" "MAN:" "Hi, I"m calling about the car." "Sorry." "Wrong number." "Oh, sorry." "Thanks." "You're welcome." "Bye." "DRAZAN:" "Ha ha!" "You thought it was her." "STANTON:" "Don't be an ass." "BlSLEY:" "Fuck her!" "You got us." "DAVE:" "Here you go." "Wish your dad a happy birthday for me." "Thanks." "DAVE:" "Hey, Marcus!" "Alla shazam!" "Alla shazoom!" "[ Moped approaches ]" "Excuse me, do you know where Dave Peck lives?" "I'm Dave." "Sign here, please." "Thanks." "[ Moped engine revs ]" "[ Lift dings, door opens ]" "Wow." "Wow." "You know what this book is?" "[ Lift dings ]" "Fuck off!" "ZACK:" "Thanks, Dad." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Front door opens ]" "It's so simple." "[ Front door closes, Jim approaches ]" "Dad, I read the book." "jim:" "What book?" "Why are you back so early?" "The book about the meaning of life." "[ Dave chuckles ]" "What's so funny?" "That people always think that there's just one meaning when actually there are six." "Dave..." "look at me." "Did they fire you?" "I don't think so." "Maybe." "Why?" "What did you do?" "Nothing." "I helped this guy from the sixth floor." "Mr. Pokus." "And that's why they fired you?" "Don't lie to me." "You know, the book says that people never lie." "It's just that sometimes reality" "Stop that, all right?" "Stop it!" "Where's Lenny?" "I think he went to the police." "The police?" "Is he in trouble?" "No, no." "It's just that he went with his boss to press charges against Mr. Pokus." "Pokus?" "That's the guy you helped." "Yes." "Dave, did you do anything illegal?" "Maybe." "Maybe?" "!" "No, it's nothing like that" "I don't think I wanna hear anymore." "DAVE:" "But..." "I'm gonna take a shower." "[ Organ music playing in background ]" "I'm bored." "Why?" "Now that you've put the queens down, it's starting to get intriguing." "I'm depressed." "ALBERT:" "Do you want a cup of tea?" "I want something exciting to happen!" "[ Telephone rings ]" "Hello." "PHONE-SURVEY LADY:" "Good evening." "I"m calling for Quick-Pulse Surveys." "Do you have the time to answer a few questions for me?" "Go for it." "Assuming there is no substantial price difference, would you prefer an ozone-safe product?" "No." "Are you in any way biased against cosmetic companies who experiment on animals?" "No." "Would you consider boycotting a company that operates sweatshops?" "Guess." "No?" "Oh, baby, baby, you must be the quickest jumping-bean in the race." "Thank you." "I just have two more questions." "I have a question for you." "If I stopped eating meat, would you hide my salami?" "[ Albert gasps ]" "[ Dial tone ]" "I'm feeling a little better." "[ Beep ]" "DAVE:" "Who is it?" "It's me." "Lenny!" "[ Lift dings ]" "What's your name, kid?" "I'm sorry." "I'm not allowed to talk to strangers." "Nice flowers, huh?" "Who are they for?" "Oh, this model." "First date." "Model?" "It's like a girl only prettier." "[ Zack chuckles ]" "STANTON:" "Oh, Uni years are the best!" "It's all downhill from there." "BlSLEY:" "That's why you have to be extra careful not to graduate." "RON:" "I never finished." "I'm missing a couple of courses." "BlSLEY:" "I told you -- he's the man!" "First-year Engineering and... something else." "DRAZAN [ Slowly ]:" "Engin-eer-ing." "STANTON:" "We've got a mid-semester exam tomorrow." "We better go study." "DRAZAN [ Distorted voice ]:" "Engin-eer-ing." "RON:" "You'll be back tomorrow, right?" "BlSLEY:" "You bring the beer, we'll bring more beer." "No, I don't know what the meaning of life is, but whatever it is, it's not about getting your big brother into trouble." "I didn't..." "Sure, you didn't." "You should have seen Sammy with the cops." "He didn't even have the receipts to file charges." "And who had the receipts?" "Listen, Lenny, you're" "Look, I know you're a good person, but getting fucked over by a good person hurts just the same." "How can I stay mad at someone who makes such good cheesecake?" "Dad isn't talking to me." "He's been in the shower over an hour now." "Don't worry." "One bite of this wondercake, and he'll forgive you." "You're not gonna finish it?" "I'm supposed to have dinner in 1 5 minutes." "How do I look?" "Good." "Good enough for a supermodel?" "Think positive." "Okay, I'm leaving." "Hey, you can't go before you hear the meaning of life!" "Hear it?" "I'm on my way to meet it." "ZACK:" "It's 30 seconds to full time." "The Socceroos are trailing 3-4." "All eyes are to Soccer Jack." "He's stealing the ball, passing two defenders." "Jack is nearing the goal." "The crowd jumps to its feet!" "Will he do it?" "Time for bed, Zacky." "[ Water running ]" "[ Telephone ringing ]" "DAVE:" "Hello?" "PHONE-SURVEY LADY:" "Good evening." "I"m calling for Quick-Pulse Surveys." "Do you have the time to answer a few questions for me?" "Sure." "What is your current job?" "DAVE:" "I'm unemployed at the moment." "How would you define your current mood?" "Excellent, good, neutral, bad, or awful?" "Oh..." "I guess I'm okay." "Okay?" "So, I"m putting down ""good. """ "Is there a job you would prefer to your current job?" "I'm unemployed." "Right." "I"m sorry." "What job would you like to have?" "I wanted to work as a phone surveyor." "I said I was sorry." "No need to be sarcastic." "No, really." "I had a job interview a couple of days ago." "But they said I wasn't qualified." "Trust me, you wouldn"t want this job." "But why?" "I really like talking on the phone with people, asking them all sorts of questions." "What's your name?" "Camille." "Hi, Camille." "I'm Dave." "Camille..." "Can I ask you some more questions?" "[ Giggles ]" "Have you ever wondered about the meaning of life?" "You"re funny." "No, no, seriously." "I discovered it in a book." "It's very simple." "It all began with the very first molecule." "Listen, I would love to hear it, but if my supervisor catches me having a personal call," "I"ll get into trouble." "But it's far from being personal." "It applies to everyone." "I guess, but I"m not sure she"ll be able to make the distinction." "It was nice talking to you." "Bye." "[ Dial tone ]" "Bye." "LENNY:" "Ouch, ouch!" "Have mercy!" "GAME NARRATOR:" "Helga wins!" "You lose." "Another game?" "LENNY:" "No, I need time to mourn the old guy." "Something to drink?" "Excellent idea." "GAME NARRATOR:" "Helga is a grand champion." "You must..." "LENNY:" "So, you don't believe in solids, huh?" "I've been anorexic since childhood, but my contract with the agency prevents me from getting psychiatric help." "Really?" "TANlTA:" "No." "GAME NARRATOR:" "Helga is a grand champion!" "How do you like your steak?" "HOSTESS:" "Well-Done Steakhouse." "TANlTA:" "Hi, it's T anita Sparks calling." "I'd like to order two Carnivore Supremes." "DAVE:" "Lenny was here." "He says hi." "He was on his way to a date." "Want a piece of cheesecake to go with your coffee?" "Maybe later." "WOMAN, voiceover:" "More wonderful books from our publisher..." "Tired of spending a fortune on plumbers?" "MAN, voiceover:" "Now you can swim like a dolphin." "From an Olympic medalist and a world famous Norwegian zoologist..." "WOMAN, voiceover:" "People won"t listen to you?" "Your family, peers, and acquaintances don"t understand you?" "We"ve got the solution!" "No more miscommunication with those who matter." "For $9.99 only, you can become the most understood person on Earth." "television NARRATOR:" "The panda is a devoted mother to her cubs, and Chin Chin is no different from her sisters in the wild." "Dad?" "[ Annoyed ]:" "What?" "Nothing." "I'm sorry, Ishmael." "[ Clay bank breaks ]" "The steak..." "What?" "...was overcooked." "I was looking for a flaw in our date." "It was almost perfect." "Almost?" "TANlTA:" "It's my fault." "My skin -- it's very sensitive to...stubble." "Do you have a razor?" "CLEMENT:" "Ready for school?" "Good morning." "DAVE:" "Good morning." "Great cake." "I'm sorry about yesterday." "It's not your fault." "Maybe you were right." "You know, when I was in the army, my lieutenant used to say," ""There's no such thing as a bad soldier, only a bad commander."" "I guess the same goes for fathers." "And husbands." "Oh, Dad." "Raising you and your brother after your mother left me wasn't easy." "But I'm not..." "I'm not looking for excuses." "You did a great job." "I look at you and your brother -- both single, one unemployed, the other..." "I mean, I always say repossessing is a respectable job, but I wished higher for the both of you." "Dad, you're not really looking at things from the right perspective." "Life is not about" "Yeah, yeah." "What can you do?" "Your dad is old and foolish and late for work." "I'll see you tonight." "[ Door opens, closes ]" "Go on." "This is my piggy bank." "I don't know his name yet." "Every time after I drink my milk, I get money to put in his back." "He's nothing like my other toys." "He's much calmer." "He doesn't have batteries, and you can't fill him with water." "Well, you can, but it's not a good idea." "Dad says he's educational because this way I won't grow up to be a thug, but I think the coolest thing about him is his smile." "Look." "I'll show you." "I put 50 cents in his back, and he smiles -- like this!" "[ Girl laughs, claps ]" "I put 20 cents in, and look -- he smiles exactly the same!" "[ More laughter, applause ]" "And now for the best part." "I'm putting no money in at all, and... he's still smiling!" "[ Giggles, applause ]" "LENNY:" "Hey, Ron." "Wait, wait!" "Do I know you?" "Lenny..." "Jim Peck's son." "You live right next door to my dad." "Have a cookie!" "All right." "Wow." "It does look weird." "But what are you gonna do?" "My girlfriend, she, she likes me smooth." "You know what they say -- without love, you're nothing." "You have a girlfriend?" "Fiancée." "She's sexy?" "She left me." "You know what they say good things never last." "[ Front door closes ]" "[ Phone number being dialed ]" "[ Telephone rings ]" "michelle'S voice:" "Hi there." "If I can"t come to the phone, it means I"m somewhere wonderful, doing something really, really fun." "Leave me a message, and I"ll tell you all about it, unless it"s something really..." "[ Beep ]" "[ Sobbing ]" "Did you hear that?" "ALBERT:" "Hear what?" "How can you people stand living like this?" "Like how?" "ANGEL:" "Cooped up in these tiny flats, hearing what's going on with the neighbors." "This is a good-size apartment." "Wait till you see the open luxurious spaces in heaven." "I don't mind small spaces, but do you think that I will get to see my wife there?" "Off the record, I don't think so." "ALBERT:" "But why?" "I don't know." "My wife went 1 0 years before me." "And since then, I ate so much shit, I tell you..." "But I did my best to be a good person." "[ Continues ]:" "I was sure she went to heaven." "I had to do everything I could to join her, and then instead of getting to see her, I got a pair of wings and some perspective." "It is somewhat small." "Somewhat?" "It's tighter than a sardine's asshole." "[ Chuckles ]" "We can go up onto the roof if you want." "The view is nice." "[ Continues ]:" "I used to go up there with my wife to relax." "What are you --?" "What are you thinking about?" "LENNY:" "Work." "You don't look like someone who's thinking about hauling a refrigerator." "You're thinking about me." "Yep, I was thinking about you." "TANlTA:" "What about me?" "I don't have the words." "I thought you always had the words." "Me too." "Let's start with the details, then." "What's your favorite part of my body?" "Your eyes." "That's corny!" "LENNY:" "It's true." "This isn't working." "God, this city is ugly!" "[ Albert grunts ]" "What?" "You've never been to heaven, have you?" "Can you believe it?" "They sent me straight here." "So, why did you say it was just like the Sunshine Coast?" "ANGEL:" "Because I've been to the Sunshine Coast." "On my honeymoon." "Even their tap water smells nice." "Not like this skin rash of a city." "But earlier you said it was nice up here." "Earlier I had cucumbers on my eyes." "Why don't you fly a little?" "I bet it's very relaxing." "No." "People might see me." "Come on." "I'd love to see you flying." "Do it for me." "[ Clears throat, spits ]" "That's fine." "I bet you can't fly, anyway." "Sure I can." "I just don't want anybody to see me." "[ Pigeon flies nearby ]" "Oh, look there!" "Hmm?" "[ Albert grunts ]" "So, what do you like about my eyes?" "[ Angel screams ]" "[ Angel screams ]" "You were great in Show  Tell." "I wish I knew your name." "ANGEL, screaming:" "Kweller!" "[ Angel screams, thuds on pavement ]" "Oh!" "[ Siren walls ]" "I heard you breathing on my answering machine, you know." "[ Scoffs ]" "You weren't home." "You were out at... great places doing all sorts of fun things." "That was just a message." "I'm really sorry." "I want to grow up." "michelle:" "Don't." "[ Police dispatch chatter ]" "policeman:" "You've been very helpful, Sir." "jim:" "Can I go now?" "policeman:" "Sure." "You had a rough day." "HOMELESS GUY:" "Hey, buddy, can you spare some change?" "Go on, mate." "Oh, good on you, Bill." "Hey, wait!" "It's too much!" "Where are you going?" "Your driver's license..." "Excuse me, Officer." "Yes, Sir." "I want to confess to the murder of..." "Murder?" "Wow, I don't even know his name." "policeman:" "The angel?" "That's the thing." "He wasn't really an angel." "He was just a liar with wings." "Whichever." "He fell from the sky." "Case closed." "I pushed him." "Sir, I've seen it a hundred times before." "Whenever there's a corpse, someone always feels guilty." "But I am guilty!" "Are you a believer, Sir?" "Yes." "I'm sure that God forgives you." "Have a good night." "Careful, Kweller!" "CLEMENT:" "You ready for bed?" "Ah, what are you drawing?" "That's you, me, and Mom on a boat trip." "That's nice." "Dad, you're making Kweller nauseous." "He's not making any noise, Zacky." "You know what that means?" "Tomorrow you'll get your Soccer Jack action figure." "That's great, Dad." "Just put Kweller down." "You're making him feel bad." "[ Clement rifles through tool drawer ]" "CLEMENT:" "The big moment has arrived, Zacky." "Are you excited?" "Sure." "But what's the hammer for?" "Well, it's for you." "Just be careful." "Zack?" "I'm careful, Dad." "Well, break the pig open." "Kweller?" "!" "Kweller?" "Yeah." "Go on." "Break it." "You deserve the doll." "You worked hard enough for it." "I don't want Soccer Jack." "Kweller is good enough." "You don't understand." "It's really okay." "It's educational." "Come on." "I'll break it for you." "Dad!" "Yes, Zacky?" "50 cents tomorrow to put in his back, after the milk, and then we break him." "Tomorrow." "Another 50 cents." "For a rainy day." "Yes." "A rainy day." "[ Telephone rings ]" "LENNY:" "Hey, you"ve reached Lenny"s mobile." "Yeah, the brand-new, shiny model with the car-gadget thing, so eat your heart out..." "[ Beep ]" "DAVE:" "Hey, it"s Dave." "It"s after 8:.00, and Dad isn"t back from work yet." "It"s probably nothing." "I bet he"ll show up soon." "Okay, give me a call when you get this." "Bye." "[ Cell phone vibrating ]" "Someone left you a message." "Uh-huh." "What if it's important?" "It's not." "I love touching you." "Just like a baby's bottom." "LENNY:" "What?" "TANlTA:" "Nothing." "Your eyelash." "Then, make a wish." "Lenny?" "Lenny, where are you?" "LENNY:" "I'm in the bathroom." "ZACK:" "Don't worry, Kweller." "It's only a tiny jump." "We'll do it on the count of three." "One..." "ZACK:" "Three!" "[ Loud crash ]" "[ Sounds of soccer game come from store display ]" "[ Water lapping at edge of lake ]" "Bye, Kweller." "Pigs love parks, especially ones with lakes." "You'll be happy here." "[ Birds tweeting ]" "[ Water lapping, ducks quacking ]" "[ Buzzer sounds ]" "[ Buzzer sounds ]" "Dad?" "MESSENGER:" "A package for Dave Peck." "Thanks." "[ Church bells chime hour in distance ]" "MESSENGER:" "There you go." "Thanks." "MESSENGER:" "Have a nice day." "WOMAN, voiceover:" "Dear Valued Customer," "Unfortunately, we are going out of business." "Consequently, the book you"ve ordered," "How to Make People Listen, has been out of print for a while." "We"re reimbursing you $9.99 and sending you a copy of another of our wonderful books." "DAVE:" "Swim Like A Dolphin?" "Mr. Kweller, let me help you with that." "ALBERT:" "Oh, thank you." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to the Sunshine Coast." "DAVE:" "I'm sure you'll have a good time." "Are you going to meet someone there?" "Maybe." "Is everything okay with you?" "My dad's missing." "Ah, I saw him yesterday evening." "He gave his wallet to a homeless man." "Did you see where he went?" "Towards the park." "[ Does cough joke ]" "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Duck quacks ]" "Dad!" "Hi, Dave." "Come sit next to your dad." "Feed the ducks." "DAVE:" "You were here all night?" "No, no, no." "It was too cold." "I slept in a tool shed, and in the morning the gardener came." "He gave me some bread." "Are you okay?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "I remember once your mom and I went to the park to feed the ducks." "It was so much fun." "And now I don't feel a damn thing." "Well, maybe the ducks" "It's not the ducks." "It's everything." "You know, my office -- 30 years, no windows." "I know life is supposed to be full of joy and sorrow." "It's just that the joy part" "Don't say that." "Let's just do something fun." "Like what?" "Anything!" "There are a million fun things to do!" "Name one." "[ Sniffs ]" "LENNY:" "Oh, Smoothies." ""Take the edges out of your life with Dr. Nabotny's revolutionary bone removal system." "This almost painless technique will smooth..."" "BEANBAG 1:" "Painless?" "Ha!" "I wouldn't say painless." "You're such a ninny, Max." "You're a tough motherfucker now, but I bet when they took out your ribcage, you cried like a baby." "BEANBAG 2:" "The skull is the worst." "They pull it through one of the nostrils, you know." "No, I didn't realize that, no." "If you're stressing out about the nostril bit and you're not a cheap, whiny wuss, you can pay a little extra, and they just zap it out with a laser." "BEANBAG 1 :" "Hmm." "Yeah?" "But even with the laser and everything, why would anyone want to do that?" "BEANBAGS, in unison:" "Love." "DAVE:" "Back and forth, like a whip through the water." "Aw, son..." "I don't think it's working." "No, Dad, I think you just need to loosen your knees and breathe through the nose." "Come on." "Try it." "Don't you have in one of these books of yours something a little less physical?" "Yeah, well, I have the one on the meaning of life." "I can read from it for you." "jim:" "Oh." "[ Catches breath ]" "Breathe through the nose." "Wings?" "Yes!" "But he fell like a ton of bricks." "You would think someone with wings wouldn't have that problem." "You don't believe me?" "Hon, can you get the cheese?" "Oh, yeah." "Those little matchboxes where you kept your eye drops fell when I took the butter out." "So I threw them away." "What, the beers?" "No, not the beers, silly." "The bottles you kept in the" "All three cases?" "Aargh!" "The guys will kill me." "Which guys will kill you?" "They were imported from Belgium." "Ron, I'm sure they weren't beers." "They were eye drops." "How do you know?" "!" "Did you taste them?" "Ron, have you been smoking pot again?" "One small joint." "A really... really small joint." "[ Door closes ]" "STANTON:" "All three cases?" "RON: [ Sighs ]" "Yup." "STANTON:" "And she really called you "a delusional fucker"?" "I've never seen her that angry." "One expensive lay." "I hope it was worth it." "[ Continues ]:" "Fuck the beers." "At least now she's gone for good." "It calls for a party." "Hey D.J., put something good on!" "DRAZAN:" "Ooh, hmm." "[ Splash ]" "jim:" "Whoo!" "[ Dave laughs ]" "Oh, did you see that?" "Yeah!" "That wasn't bad!" "[ Slow tropical music plays ]" "[ Buzzer sounds ]" "TANlTA [ Whispering ]:" "Hi." "LENNY [ Whispering ]:" "Hi." "TANlTA:" "I missed you." "[ Torch fart, guys laugh ]" "[ Children laughing ]" "[ Duck quacking ]" "[ Jim chuckles ]" "[ Water lapping edge of lake ]"