"Stars Over Stella Street." "On August the 11, 1963 something extraordinary happened to this leafy suburban street in South West London." "Something that the residents of Stella Street will always remember." "I was going into the kitchen to put on the kettle, to make tea when the doorbell goes, and there"s a man in a suit just standing there." "I was 11, and I was boiling this rabbit that was still alive." "And all of a sudden, this huge car turned up and these four very strange-Iooking gadgees got out." "They said this house here and this street would be great for the Fab Four." "And I said, "Fab for what?"" "Should have got ourselves A better place up West, oh, yeah" "Instead of hanging "round A smelly dump like this" "The landlady"s getting old" "And I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with R." "Yeah, run!" "Eh, you know, Eileen, after all them posh hotels staying with you is like staying with me favourite auntie." "You boys want a square meal after running from all the girls at the station." "Some of them want more than your autograph." " Let"s do something, shall we?" " Okay." "One, two, three, four." "I should have put some butter On me toast today" "But the cornflakes Have floated away" "It"s always been little bit of a favourite spot for the celebrities for some reason." "I used to see Richard Burton get out of his huge Daimler because he was a very rich superstar." "Wait here all night." "Why he had to live in digs here, I"ll never know." "Hello, Richard." "On your own again?" "Trial separation from Elizabeth." " What"s that noise?" " Oh, it"s them lads from Liverpool." " They"re making a film of our house." " The Moptops?" "L"ve hated them since I"ve given up solids." ""Can"t Buy Me Love." I did." "I first moved here in the very early "60s, about 1960 or something." "And it was a different place in a lot of ways." "Well, for me it was anyway." "Because at that time, I was struggling." "Blimey!" "L"ve got three lines in this film." "I had a room in Mrs. Huggett"s house." "I was in what we call "digs."" "Do you know, that room ain"t changed much?" "Mind you, she got rid of the syrup tins." "Take me to suburbia" "Take me all the way" "Those leafy streets are part of me Each and every day" "Carshalton down to Reigate That old A3" "To Stella Street It"s the place for me" "Hello." "Here, do you like the motor?" "Hello." "Here, do you like the motor?" "She"s big, she"s bold and she"s British." "Bit like me, really." "She"s never been any trouble which is more than I can say for some of the birds I"ve been with." "Here, do you know this place?" "Come on, I"II show you around." "After all that madness of the "60s Stella Street went back to being another street in suburbia." "Just what I needed after all that Hollywood palaver." "Peace and quiet." "Or so I thought." "I couldn"t conceive the nightmare about to unfold in this suburban paradise." "Now, you see that old bird taking liberties with the environment?" "That"s Mrs. Huggett, that is." "She"s the cleaner on our street." "Mind you, I use that term loosely." "I can see what you"re doing." "Oh, and that"s Len." "He"s the gardener." "Len!" "Nice bloke." "Bit touched." " You all right?" " Can you see me when you look down?" " What a nutter!" " Morning, Mrs. Huggett." "Nice day for it." "Yeah, and you"re another one." "That"s Jimmy." "Word of warning:" "Don"t get talking about football, you"ll be there till bleeding Christmas." " Hello, Mrs. Huggett." " Oh, hello, Jenny." "Oh, I"m afraid your knickers got caught in the spindle of the drier." " Again?" " Yeah." " Thank you for letting me know." " Bye." " Hello, darling." " Hello, Michael." "You got my pilchards, then?" "Yes, and I"ve got you some mange-tout." "Because they"re crunchy." "And you like crunchy, don"t you?" "Well, it depends what I"m crunching." "It might be cockroaches." "Yeah, well, I"II see you at 11, girl." " Be good." " All right, Michael." "He"s been ever so good to me, Michael." "He"s been really kind." "And when I need a bit of shopping doing, he"s like my boy." "He"s like the son I never had." "He"s like a Good "Samarian. "" "Of course, I"m not in digs anymore." "L"ve got me own drum." "Nice, isn"t it?" "It"s got four bedrooms, a kitchen-stroke diner and I"ve got a nice garden here for the old barbies and soirees." "L"m having a bit of a pool built, ain"t I?" "Be nice on hot days, if we get any." "L"ve marked it out both ways, so it"s up to you, mate." " Look, Dean." " What?" "This is not a kidney-shaped." "It looks more like a bleeding spleen." "Spleen?" " Have you ever built a pool before?" " Have I ever built a pool before?" "I don"t know why I employ that bloke." "Actually, I do." "He"s cheap." "Here comes Hill, and look at him go." "He"s still got a lot of pace there and he can whip in quality balls, at pace, into the box there." "Just look at this skill." "Morning, Mr. Chundri." "Any response to the ad about the room to let?" "Any inquiries?" "Oh, no one wants to move in your house, Jimmy." "I think perhaps you should put it in a more prominent position." "It"s a bit hidden there." "L"ve been back about two years now." "L"ve been back about two years now." "Here, you"II never guess what." "Half of Hollywood wants to move in." "It all happened because Jack Nicholson who"s a mate of mine, was looking for a gaff in London and there was this little place across the green from me." "Hi, Mike, it"s Jack." "How you doing, pal?" "Yeah, I got the stuff you sent." "Looks kind of interesting." "Nice little London pad for Jackie boy." "A lot of stars have moved into very desirable properties around London." "Tom Cruise bought a place in Dulwich, Madonna"s just moved into Marylebone Gwyneth Paltrow"s down in Fulham." "Is there anything there, Mr. Pacino, that"s close to what you"re looking for?" "No." "See you!" "Bye!" "Take care!" "Good luck!" "Of course, as soon as Jack moved in, Al Pacino wanted to move in." "It was like a celebrity domino effect." "Amazing." "So you want country, Mr. Pacino, but sort of urban country, not town." " Yeah, but not country either." "And you need to be close to amenities." "Theatres, shops, cinemas..." "Theatre, yes." "But isolated." "Okay." "And it"s got to be spacious but intimate, sort of." "Yeah." "Remember what Mrs. Buckle said?" "Straight back." "Nice, straight back." "What?" "How much?" "You"re kidding." "No, go on, go on." "Right." "Yes." "No, no, no." "L"II get back to you immediately." "Yes, I will." "Okay." "Bye-bye, Mr. Hickman." "Jenny!" "If I don"t get this house, my lawyer in Pasadena, Bernardo Chokey is gonna sue your ass till it crumbles like volcanic ash." "He"II pay the same as the Tuckers, 3 million pounds." "And he wants it now." "But the Frintons are coming from New Zealand." "We"II put them in a hotel." "Why don"t we sleep on it." "It"s five past 5 now." "Unless we"re out of here by 6:00, the deal"s off." "What?" "What are you doing?" "We"ve only got half an hour." " But it"s our wedding china." " We"II buy some more!" "We haven"t got room for that, Tasha." "Take it back inside." "We haven"t got room for that, Tasha." "Take it back inside." " No, Jenny, no!" " It"s my father"s chair, and I"m taking it." "You"re wasting time, woman." "No, Barry." "There"s a limit to this." "We"re tearing ourselves apart." "Oh, big trucks." "Come on, back, back." "Come to me." "Come on, let"s go." "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "Come on." "Come on back." "Plenty of room." " Move it, move it!" "Let"s move it!" " You trying to buttfuck me or what?" "Way to go, guys!" "Come on, rock "n" roll!" "Squeeze those butts, guys." "Come on!" "Rock "n" roll!" "Come on, guys." "Get those boxes up there!" "You"re breaking up again, Foster." " Hello, Duane." " What did you say?" "L"m saying if you can"t hear me there, you come down and talk to me here." "L"m down in the forecourt, okay?" "What I"II do is, if I can"t hear you, I"II come down." "Hello, Mr. Chundri, Mrs. Chundri." "Jeremy Hickman, Hickman and Holmes." "L"ve got a client." "Is this a good time to show him round?" " Help yourselves." " Jerry, it"s in the sock drawer." " Mr. Jagger." " Underneath the dark one." " Is this your house, Mr. Pacino?" " No." "This is my home." "Jack, it"s great to see you." "Welcome back." "Who"s this Jack Nicklaus bloke who moved into the Tuckers"?" "Jack Nicholson." "He"s a famous film actor." "Never heard of him." "L"m Mick Jagger." "How you doing, okay?" " Very nice to meet you." " You too." "Likewise." "Here, this place hasn"t changed one iota except for them fridges down there." "Yes, it"s still much the same." " Want to see the upstairs flat?" " Yeah!" "Mind the boxes of Hula-Hoops at the top of the stairs, you might trip over them." "Nice one!" "Mind the Hula-Hoops, well, alright!" "When I was about 14, we moved into a house in Stella Street." "My dad, actually, even had a Ford Prefect." "I used to play the violin when I was a kid." "My mum and dad made me have lessons." "I couldn"t stand it." "L"II never learn how to play this thing." "I hate music, it"s really boring." "If Yehudi Menuhin hadn"t worked on his arpeggios he wouldn"t be the big star he is today." "Well, alright." "Do it again, boy." "Jags!" "Wanna come down the bomb site, smoke some cigarettes?" "Keith, I can"t." "L"ve gotta practice, or I won"t become Yehudi Menuow." "What"s that little tinker boy doing around here?" "He"II never amount to anything." "Mum, Dad, I"m just off to the library." "Oh, no, you don"t, you little tyke." "You get upstairs to your room and study." "No Jagger has ever failed his exams." "Alright?" "Right." "Should we leave Mick and Keith together in the house?" "They"re old and ugly enough to look after themselves." " Come on, let"s paint the town black." " Well, alright!" "Jack, do you remember Mulholland?" "I moved you then." "Yeah, you"re a terrific man, a terrific guy." "I think you"re a great guy." "Be nice to have Jack here, when he"s not in California birding it up." "Mind you, I think he"s gonna be birding it up here too." "I want you to make sure you give my love to that little redhead in Long Beach." "Sure will, Jack." "Yeah, huh?" "Oh, my God!" "Hey, that"s awesome, sir." "What are you doing, huh?" "Well, right-on." "Hello, Jack." "Welcome to Stella Street, mate." " You"II like that." "It"s vintage." " Thanks a lot, buddy." "Finally, if you thought Carnaby Street was famous, think again." "Think now of Stella Street." "A hitherto unknown street in South West London, perfectly anonymous is now inhabited by such figures as Al Pacino and Jack Nicholson." "This may look like any other anonymous street in suburbia but Stella Street, here behind me, is now home to two Hollywood legends:" "Jack Nicholson and Al Pacino." "And soon to be joined by British rock stars Sir Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones." "Steph, that"s awesome." "It says here on your résumé, Mrs. Huggett that you"ve been cleaning for folks around here for the last 30 years." "Oh, yeah, that"s about right, yeah." "Well, I guess you must be a real dab hand by now, huh?" "Well, I do a bit of everything, except wipe their backsides." "L"ve lived here for the last 40-odd years with my husband, Norm, and together we had my daughter, Maureen." "Norman brought her up because she was actually Johnny Rizzi"s daughter." "He was sort of an Italian-American from the Bronx, and I met him..." "We had a very, very close relationship one night in the doorway behind the Roxy Cinema." "I guess I should be writing all this down." "Stephanie, tell me, you get to meet any dukes or earls hanging on the street?" "L"m real disappointed about that, Bob." "I thought there"d be far more kind of Hugh Grant types around but I haven"t seen anyone who looks anything like Prince William." "Okay." "My name is Dean Barraclough." "L"m a fully-qualified handyman." "Craftsman." "One person I actually do a lot of work for is the film actor Michael Caine who lives here." "He"s a good bloke." "Michael"s even asked me to design his swimming pool." "And I pride myself on doing a very, very good job." "You get what you pay for with me." "You know, quality." "It"s gonna need a little rewiring, here, Dean." "You know what I mean?" "Well, rewiring you want, I"m your man, Jack." "It"s amazing." "I can"t believe I"m standing next to Mr. Cuckoo"s Nest himself." "I may wanna extend up there." "Build myself a little den." "Have you ever done a loft conversion before, Dean?" "Have I ever done a loft conversion?" " Hurry, Jean-Baptiste, hurry!" " Are you ready, Johnny?" " L"m ready!" "Let"s go!" " Action!" "Welcome once more, ladies and gentlemen." "Here we are, in Stella Street, and it"s the home of Mr. Joe Pesci le Bad Guy!" "Joe Pesci, the star of such films as Casino, My Cousin Vinny Raging Bull and GoodFellas is moving into Stella Street." " So, what do you think?" " I wouldn"t keep my fucking dog here." "Skid fucking row." "It"s a pile of junk." "It"s yet to be seen if he"s gonna blend into this environment, here." "Oh, fuck you pricks." "Come inside and have a nice cup of tea." "It is you, isn"t it?" " Do you want something?" " You"re David Bowie." "Well, what"s it got to do with you?" "I can"t believe this street." "It"s like living in Hello!" "Jackie Nics, Jo-Jo Pesci, Ali Pacino, Mickey Jags..." "It"s amazing!" "Oh, just get on with your work." "Can you believe it?" "Broke all my glasses and cups." "L"m practically drinking out of my hands like some goddamn Death Valley forty-niner." "Why the fuck you go to England?" "Well, I just needed to get away from all the wackos in Mulholland Drive." "He got strange obsessions." "He likes burning things." "L"ve known Len since he come down from Gateshead, I think." "One of them sort of estates up north." "The only good thing about Len is he"s so mum-and-dad, he makes the mental ones on the street look normal." "Oh, I don"t believe it!" "L"m looking at the Godfather himself." "Now, this garden is perfect." "I don"t wanna change a thing." "Except maybe lose those trees there give me an orange grove here and a vineyard right here." " All right, boys." " How"s it going?" " David Bowie." " Looking good, isn"t it?" "Yeah, nice." "Yeah, great." "Dean, I want a cluster of bonsai over there." "I want me Jacuzzi in the corner and a picture of Lou Reed." " Consider it done." " Yeah." " Oh, and..." " Yeah, what?" " Me bath." " Oh, yeah." " It will be sunken, won"t it?" " It will be sunken." " You want a sunken bath?" " That"s what I asked for." "Terrific." "You want a sunken bath, we"II sink one." " Have you ever sunk a bath before?" " Have I ever sunk a bath before?" "Let me see if I"ve got this right, Mr. Pelican." "You want me to rip out all these beautiful flowers that I"ve nurtured and just burn them!" "You"re the gardener, you"re in charge." "You just give me something adorable, Len." "Mr. Parino, when you was in America did you know the President of America?" "Not personally, no." "I wrote a letter to him once about those alien flying pods in West Gutteridge." "And he didn"t deign to reply." "Yeah, well, the President"s a very busy man, Len." "Okay, let"s go to work." "Hey, Keith!" "What key"s that in?" "Right." "Try this for size." "Baby" "You"re my baby" "You"re my baby duck" " Hey, Keith." " Yeah, what?" "I can hear someone, our first customer." "Could you go downstairs, please?" "No." " Attend to them, I"m in the bath." " All right, I"m going." "He thinks I"ve nothing better to do than run up and down the bloody stair..." "Service with a smile." "Bottoms up." "Did you order 4 tons of fish?" " I don"t know, did I?" "I can"t remember." " Four tons of what?" " Fish!" " "Four tons of tuna," is what it says here." "So where do you want it?" "No, no, no." "No, I just said, four tins of tuna for the cat." "Look, I said I wanted an electrician so they sent this ginger-haired prick with a ponytail." "Dean Barrafuck or something." "I told him, "You get my power on by 4:00 or I"II stick your head in a blender and pour it down your fucking neck."" "That"s brilliant, Joe." "You sound just like you do in GoodFellas." "You know the bit when you go, "Do you think I"m funny?" Go on, do it." "Shut your fucking mouth." "That"s brilliant, Joe." "I wish I could swear like you can." " "Shut your fucking mouth."" " No, Dean." " You shut your fucking mouth." " "Shut your fucking mouth."" "Dean." "Shut your fucking mouth." ""Shut your fucking mouth."" " Why can"t I do that?" " Dean, you sweet fuck." "You know what, I"m gonna kiss you." "I want that good life" "Cricket on the green With my good wife" "Eating strawberries And double cream" "Washing the car on Sunday Commuting every Monday" "Suburban man is what I am" "Mr. Nicholson." "Mr. Nicholson!" " Steve Reeves, your local vicar." " Hi, Steve." "Nice to meet you." "My wife, Marilyn." "She"s a very big fan of yours." " You"ve been on TV." "Was it fun?" " Course it was fun." "Nice day for it, boys, isn"t it?" "Mind your backs, drinks coming." " Photograph with my wife?" "Would that be all right?" " Stand next to him." " Hey, come on." " Big smile." " All right, big smile." "Smile, darling." "Smile!" "Okay." "And..." "Thank you." "My first game of English cricket." "Good luck." "How about that?" "Okay, next ball." " Go on, Mick, show him how it"s done." " Now, this I have to see." "Hey, Jerry, what are you doing here?" "Why aren"t you in Florida like I thought you was?" "I can see why you split up." " That spoiled my day." " Why the fuck are they clapping?" " That"s you in, Mick." " Thanks, Bob." "Watch this." "Well, alright." " Jack, are you watching?" " Yeah, every move, pal." "Shit game." "Hello, Surbiton." "Well, alright." "Wanna see Mick look like a total prick?" "You picked the perfect time." "Keep the back straight." "Okay, I"ve got all the moves now." "Chief, hit me with the ball." "All right, watch and learn." "This is page one." "You gotta guard your wicket." "Watch out for LBW." " That is so unfair!" " How about that!" "There is a God." "That"s the last time I play bleeding cricket." "Bad luck, fella." "You watch me." "Barry Bonds has got nothing on me." " Fluke!" "Fluke!" " Well done, Jack." "Very good, mate." "That"s why we"re all here." "All right." "That"s a very beautiful thing you"re doing there, Dave." "Thanks very much." "That thing you do with the bottles." "You walk in, lay them down, walk out and just trust me to pay you sometime." "That"s what you guys do over here, isn"t it?" "Kind of gives you faith in humanity." "Well, nice to meet you, Jack." "Oh, I like your films." "Thanks, Dave." "I like your milk." "Hey, Jack!" "It"s like a whole new beginning." "It sure is good to be here, Al." "It"s like a door opening onto a great big ocean of possibilities." "Yeah." "Well, looks like we got ourselves a whole new piece of paradise, Al." "This young lady came to my doorstep because I was renting out a room because it was vacant." "I wasn"t renting it because I was broke or lonely or anything." "What do you want?" " L"ve come about the room." " What"s the matter with it?" "L"m looking for a room to rent and I saw your card in the shop window." "Oh, you want a room in my house?" "Are you sure about that?" "This isn"t some kind of wind-up, is it?" "Has the room gone?" "No, no." "Look, do you want to come in?" "Now." "Please?" "This place stinks of dosh, Jack." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "It"s a nice, sweet smell." "It"s almost sickly." "Sorry, sir, we"re totally blocked here." "We"re gonna be at least an hour." "Thank you very much." "We"II go another way." "There should be a law against that." "Letting a lovely animal like that bubble to death." "That"s payday, Jack." "That"s Damien Hirst"s Cow in Formaldehyde." "It"s a priceless piece of art." " Hello, is somebody there?" " Yeah, right here in front of you." "Sorry, I"m blind." "L"m from Right Note Piano Tuners." "Here"s me card." "There"s nothing on it." "Sorry, that"s the one in Braille." "This is my driver, Mr. Scarlet." "This a good time to tune Mr. Pacino"s upright?" "I suppose so." "Well, you"d better come in." "Have you been here before?" "Oh, yeah, we"ve done this place a few times." "Piano, he means." " That"s Mr. Pacino"s piano in there." " Right." "Yeah." "What lovely white furniture you"ve got." "Well, I imagine it"s white." "L"m just popping next door to Jack"s, Al." "Be back in an hour to dry your pants." "Yeah." "Right, bye." "Thanks." "Where is it?" " on Wall Street." "Anybody with any sense is pulling their money out of Doshcom as we speak." "Jesus Christ!" "Mrs. Huggett, Hoover someplace else." "I can"t hear what"s happening in here." "Hey, guess what." "I just won my first game of English cricket." "Yeah." "Yeah, they couldn"t get me out." "L"m a natural cricket guy." "It"s peace and quiet all the way here, Bev." "No one bothers you." "Yeah." "Now, listen this shit you sent me, Tweety Pie in Tinseltown." ""Al to read the part of Second Fluffy Duckling."" "No way." "No." "Not even for 10 million bucks will I do that shit." "Over and out." "Bullshit." "Goodbye to you." "What the fuck is that asshole doing?" "Shit!" "Jack, it"s up there." "Come on, let"s go!" "Len, what the fuck are you doing?" "Well, there"s nothing I like better than a canny inferno." "Right." "That ought to do it." " You"re gonna burn my house down." " L"ve gotta burn your house down." "It"s full of bats and spirits and canny bad karma." "Listen, you take that shit and you burn it far away, down there." " No." "L"ve gotta fill up your skull with syrup and drain it in one gan." "Fuck, I need a SWAT team, fast." "Look, if he stays off my property forever, I won"t press charges." "Mr. McMonotoney, I"m gonna let you off with a caution here, providing you never do this again." "Is that clear?" "No, I"ve gotta gan burn Michael Caine"s house down." "I didn"t hear that." "L"ve gotta gan burn Michael Caine"s house!" "Then I"II systematically burn every house in Stella Street until it"s a mass of twisted metal and charred timber." "There"s been a miscarriage of justice!" "They took him off for a bit." "And they put his head in a microwave, or whatever they do in them places." "He came back and was sort of subdued." "He"d just sit there, talking to daisies." "I thought, "Well, at least he"s been..." He"II never come right they"ve kind of neutralised him." "Rock "n" roll is dead." "Rock "n" roll is dead." "It"s over." "Because, incredibly Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are the owners of this store." "I need a mop, a pack of sponges and a tin of Stain Devil." "Fancy some cheap fish?" "We"ve got four palettes out back." "I don"t come here often." "I just come in for the odd luxury item." "Oh, shit!" "They got a lot of stuff, but a lot of it"s old." "Look at this." ""October 1991."" "That"s 11 fucking years old." "I think the idea of running a corner shop really appealed to me because it gives me a sense of power in my destiny." "Where are the goddamn Shreddies, Keith?" "I don"t know, Jack." "We"ve got stuff from everywhere." "You"ve been here a month." "Mick gives me a call and here I am." "Where are we?" "Where is this shop, by the way?" " I haven"t looked outside yet." " You gotta take this seriously." "Come on, let"s get up to speed Keith." "People come here for things they want." "See things they don"t want buy them as well as the things they do want." " That is retailing." " You don"t change!" "Oh, no, here we go again." "L"ve heard this so many times." "Don"t wriggle out of this one." "Your skinny butt"s always wriggling." "Whose tongue is it on the logo?" "Dean, fix those bloody lights, or I"II kick your ass!" "Mike, it"s sorted, all right?" "Your famous mates coming tonight?" " None of your business." " What time you want me here?" "I don"t!" "Because you are not invited." "That"s charming." "One law for the famous..." "And one for dozy nonentities like you." "I love it here on Stella Street I"m a happy guy" " champagne in the kitchen." "L"II send you the docket." "Yeah, thanks a lot, Pepe." " Tell Dean to turn them on." " Turn what on?" "The bleeding lights, what do you think?" "So Michael decides he"s gonna have this party." "He asks everyone to come as a fucking farmyard animal, you know a cow, sheep or pig." "L"m gonna come like that?" "Like fuck." " What"s all this in aid of?" " L"m organising a bit of a get-together." " Street-warming." "Fancy dress." " L"II look forward to that." "Jim, any news about your room to let?" "L"ve got a mate who may be interested." "Send her round." "Can"t get too much fluff, can you?" "No, no, no." "It"s a him." "Dustin Hoffman, you might have heard of him." "Oh, Dustin Hoffman." "Didn"t he play for Bayer Leverkusen?" "A midfield player?" " Lovely little player." " No." "That is a different Dustin Hoffman." "What do you think, Keith?" "You think going as a cockerel is a little bit flash?" "Maybe I should go as something more domesticated." " What"s Mick going as?" " I told him to go as the rat he is." "Oh, yeah." "Maybe I should go as a cat, Keith." "Mind you, if Mick goes as a dog, he might chase me under the furniture." "No dignity in that, is there?" "Here, I hope I"ve got enough champagne." "I bought six bottles for £5. 99 at ASDA." "And do you know if you buy six bottles, you get one free?" "So actually l"ve only really bought five, ain"t I?" "What a result." " Hey, Al." "Say "baa."" " The sheep thing, it"s not happening." "I need a more relaxed sheep look." "Fluffy, but not hanging round the belly." "I think you"re right." "Yeah." "I got something else." "Wanna try this on?" "It"s a much tighter weave, Al." "I think it may be better." "Like the horns?" "They"d look good with this." "Leave me." "I need to think about this." "Okay." "Oh, look at me." "Come on, chicks." "Come with Uncle Alli." "Do we look like cute chicks?" "Honey, you look good enough to eat." "Snap, snap." "Okay, 21 Stella Street, driver." " L"m blocked in." "Why don"t you walk." " We are so not walking." "That"s right, buddy." "Just drive." "I look really good as a beaver." "Yes." "Right, where"s my male-hormone instant sex spray?" "Up and at them." "L"II give this a try." "Oh, yes, yes, yes." "It really works." "L"ve got a bit of a semi on." "Oh, this will be fun." "L"Il..." "Oh, I was just..." "You know, and..." "So, what animal are you going as?" "I thought I"d go as a milkmaid." "Good choice." "Good choice." "Milkmaids are animals, aren"t they?" "Well, some of them are." "Tell you what." "Why don"t we have our own little party here." "Yes." "Always wanted to be on TV." "Evening, Mr. Jagger." "I is a rabbit." "Show me to my hutch, baby." "Come on down, honey!" "Shake your booty!" "Screaming through the window Breaking down the door" "Prices at a knock down price And you"ll be back for more" "Spread your sweet, sweet syrup Right across my bread" "I got beans and mulligatawny Just running around my head" "See you at the corner store See you at the corner store" "Well, I"II have yours, then." "All right." "Here, Michael." "You"re not gonna pressure me to do what Mick"s doing." "No." " Because I"m just here to enjoy myself." " So don"t sing, you vaudeville prick." "Hi, Al." "It"s PenéIope, PenéIope Cruz." "Al Pacino, brilliant." "Fantastic." "I mean, who would have thought?" " Yes?" " Hi." " Mr. Caine says you have a room for me." " Did he?" "Yes." "I need a room which is really Spartan and simple, for research purposes." "There isn"t a welcome for you here." "Quite the reverse, in fact." "Oh, that"s perfect." "L"II take it." "Go on, then, if you must." "It"s up there." "Go on." "Go on, upstairs, now." "It"s up there." " Thank you." " Yes." "Is that Madonna over there?" "Madge, Madge, Madge." "How"s it going?" "You all right?" "You gonna get up and sing later on?" "Well, I"m not." "They"II probably ask me." "They will because I"m here, but I"m not gonna." "Can I just say that if you sing, I"m leaving." "Really?" "Hey, how you doing, Al?" "Cheer up, it looks like you just spent a week in Cleveland or something." "Hey, you know what?" "That outfit"s not bad at all!" "It really suits you, pal." "Excuse me." "Dean, you bloody little toe-rag!" "Get out of my bleeding house!" " You want something?" " Do you want a drink?" "I love your accent." "It"s really gross." "Can you say something else?" " Well, like what?" " Like that cockney rhyming slang." " You mean "apples and pears" and that." " I know that." "That"s "stairs."" "You got your Bristol City Your tits, titty" "Yeah." " And there"s you." "I mean..." " Excuse me?" "You"re a septic." " A what?" " A septic tank." "A Yank." "This is flat!" "Well, Michael likes his bubbly flat." "It stops him letting off." "L"II give you bleeding bubbles." "Yes." "It"s a great milkmaid"s outfit that, isn"t it?" "Sort of Manchester United colours, isn"t it?" " Could be Brentford." "Could be." " Turn around." "Used to be a good side in the "40s, Brentford." "Do you like that, Jimmy?" "Oh, yeah." "Jimmy like it." "Oh, good." "Oh, yeah." "What are you doing?" "Just a bit of fun, Jimmy." "Why don"t you give me a nice, big kiss." "Give Jimmy a kiss." "That"s interesting." "I think I"II find alternative accommodation." "A different kind of Spartan, maybe." "All right there, darling?" "My goodness, this is heavy." " AI Pacino!" " Call me a cab." "L"m leaving." "No, I don"t think you understand." "L"m Victoria Beckham." "Posh Spice." "You know, one of the Spice Girls." "Can I just say, Al Pacino you"re just about my favourite actor." "Well, you and Dolph Lundgren." "He"s good." "He"s fucking great." "One of my favourite films of yours of all time has got to be Devil"s Avocado." "You"re, like, waltzing around, twirling around, you are, blind as a bat." "Scent of a Woman." "They showed them both." " Do you like it?" "It"s Givenchy." " Yeah, that"s lovely." "Keep watching the films." "Goodbye." "Al, you"ve got to meet my friend, Lord Stanford." "Tony Stanford." "How you doing?" "Lord Tony Stanford?" "I wished I"d never met him." "I used to hang out at this club called Sushi"s." "It"s a high-class joint with loads of easy birds and rich blokes having their cash removed." "That"s where I met him." "He"d become a bit of a face in the city." " Michael Caine, you old cad." " Hello, Tone." "He was a bridge between the crusty old dukes who own Dorset and young rogue traders, with their Porsches and Armani laptops." "Took the man"s cash for a walk through the Cayman Islands." "Of course, what I didn"t know Tony was hanging with one of the most evil bastards in London:" "Vince Crush." "He made the Krays look like the Pet Shop Boys." "Where"s mine, Tone?" "Stupidly, I invited Tony to the party." "You see the name "Lord," you think "honest as the day is long."" "His whole manner was kind of lordly, noble, honest, straight-backed." "Yeah." "My philosophy is very simple." "As long as I can do what I want, when I want, I don"t give a fuck." "Someone gives me 10 million, I know how to double it." "Bish, bosh, you got twice the dosh No magic." "Al, David and I had our money quadrupled in about a week because you put it through the Camel Islands." "No, the Cayman Islands." "Okay, so what do I do?" "L"m all fucking ears." "Why don"t you give me your number and I"II give you a call." " You in on Wednesday?" " Sure." "Mick, let me finish telling you that joke about Bill Gates." "He"s a genius." "I like the way he just left me here." "Oh, Posh Spice!" "Oh, amazing." "Was you in the Spice Girls because you was pretty?" "It couldn"t have been your singing skills." " You little toe-rag." " Who"s that ginger fuck?" "All right, lads." "Don"t kill him, just hurt him a bit." " Actually, hurt him a lot." " Michael!" "Good bleeding riddance." "We shouldn"t do this." "You had two bottles of Thunderbird." "Oh, it"s all right, Jack." "Stop worrying about it." " Quiet!" " Right." "Keep the noise down." " It doesn"t look very safe." " It"s all right, Jack." "It"s okay." "Oh, Nick, who"s gonna pay 2 million quid for a stuffed cow?" "I know a guy in Havant who"s gagging for this kind of stuff." "He"s minted." "All we gotta do is get it down to the van." "Look." "There"s our pension, Jack." "Looks heavy." "Think we"II be able to get it down?" "We just pick up an end each and pop it in the van." "L"ve gotta be careful." "Last year, my intestine popped out." "Ladies and gentlemen, I"d like to propose a toast to this great street of ours." "To Stella Street!" "Stella Street!" " Cheers, everybody." " Hubble, bubble and seeing double" "Just a little something to make the party go with a fizz." "No, I never drink when I"m working." "I never drink when I clean." "I never drink when I do hostess work." "Oh, I think my intestine"s popping." "L"m sorry, Nick." "Just think of the 2 million, Jack." "Oh, yes, 2 million." "One million each." "Don"t tip it up or the Formica will come out." " Formaldehyde." " Oh, whatever." "Quick!" "Get an ambulance, someone." "I think she"s dying." "Yeah, 1 million, Jack." "One million each." "I can do it." " Lf we can just get it down the stairs." " Oh, no." "I forgot about the stair..." "I like to run a good party and to keep it respectable." "But Keith Richards come in there, the filthy little monkey, and he"s ruined it." "I don"t know what he put in that drink." "Apparently, an ambulance came." "I didn"t see it." "There was a whole episode of Casualty enacted in my front room." "And I didn"t see none of it, because I was too busy bleeding mooing." "Jesus Christ." "You know, Eileen?" "If I remember this, it might make a good concept album." "All right, boys, here she is." "I am, like, so gonna puke." " Fucking meow." " Mike, what was that all about?" "That wasn"t a housewarming party." "It was more like a head-wrecking party." "L"m not very happy about this." "Oh, Mike, that was some party." "Morning, Mr. Pesci." " Hello, girl." " Hello, Michael." " How"s my favourite lady?" " L"m all right." "I bought you a nice cup of tea." "And there"s your stabiliser pills." "Oh, no!" "Oh, my God!" "My beautiful work of art!" "Fucked!" "Oh, my God!" "Shit." " That was a lovely party last night." " Of course it was, wasn"t it, darling?" "I thought I should get off early, though, because I thought I should leave you young people to enjoy yourselves." "So you don"t remember anything, then?" "No, Michael." "Yes, well, that"s just as well, girl." "All right, you have a nice little rest." "It"s a miracle she"s not in intensive care." "Just on your right, here, ladies and gentlemen, is Michael Caine"s house." "He"s the star, of course, of such great films as Alfie." "Oh, my God." "And, of course, Water, with Billy Connolly." "On your right, here, is Jack Nicholson"s house." "There is, ladies and gentlemen, Jack"s very own cuckoo"s nest." "And there"s Jack himself, ladies and gentlemen, in his dressing gown." "Living a normal life, here in Surbiton"s very own Beverly Hills." "This pyromaniac, who calls himself a gardener he breaks in here and he violates my precious cow." "And are you wishing to press charges against Mr. McMonotoney, sir?" "Don"t you know a crazy when you see one?" "These people don"t got the right to fuck up my life." "And there, on your left, is Jack Nicholson"s house." "What do you mean, "It"s a free country"?" "This house, Mr. David Bowie." "This is intolerable." "It"s a real infringement on my personal liberty." "I said, get rid of them!" "Now!" "And that"s Joe Pesci"s house, ladies and gentlemen the star of GoodFellas, Raging Bull, and 2 Heads in a Duffel Bag." "Blimey, this is terrible." "I haven"t felt this bad since The Swarm came out." "The one bloke you think would go berserk over this is Joe." "Come on, more autographs?" " But I think he"s beginning to enjoy it." " Come on, we need to get to Bowie"s." "Don"t rush them." "They came a long way." " Well, who gives a fuck?" "I don"t." " Tell you what." "Why don"t we do a tour of my house for an extra 10 bucks." "I should have known better." "Look what I got here." "I got the bobble hat from Home Alone." "Yeah, Macaulay Crawley, churchy little fuck." "Yeah, yeah." "Oh, how about this?" " Yeah, the shovel from GoodFellas." " Nice." "The Nips will love all that, won"t they?" "They"re bloody thick." "Slitty-eyed gits." "What have we got here?" "A real English teapot." "What"s the deal, Joe?" "What are you offering?" "Well, I could offer you a nice cup of tea." "Yeah, well, I don"t mind if I do." "You ever come down this street again, I"II take that bus and I"m gonna drive it over your fucking head!" "It"s good to be a Londoner" "It"s good to be a Londoner" "Francis didn"t know Marlon had been on beans all day so when he lit his cigar, he nearly burnt the house down." "I love you." "No one has ever put $ 10 million of my money to work and trebled it." " Mere bagatelle, Al." " L"ve come to see Lord Tony Stanford." "So I"m hearing this name, Tony Stanford I"m thinking, "Who"s this fucking lord?" Some weirdo, some crusty fuck." "I meet him." "He"s a young guy, a slimeball." "He"s got the conscience of a snake." "I thought, "l"ve gotta get in here and get him to move my money. "" " Well?" " Well, what?" "I want my million quid, you posh twat." "Vince, look, it"s Tuesday." "Just give us till Saturday, will you?" "Look, I"ve got three clients." "They trust me." "It"II be like taking candy from a baby." "Look..." "I can tell you straight." "You"II be looking at a thousand-percent increase within a year, year and a half." "Wow!" "That is great." "I don"t know any other investment that would bring that kind of yield." "Let"s see if I got this right, Tone." "I go offshore with my money take it back inshore so I can bring it offshore again?" " Or is it the other way around?" " Okay, hang on." "Shut up." "Listen." "Let me just take you through, right from the top." " Number one, Nassau." " It"s nice there." "It"II be warm." "What I"ve done is, I"ve set up a phantom link account..." "Yeah, that"s 122 million cash transfer from Chase Manhattan." "My account number is 5-7-9 2- 4...3..." "So this Tara, this lovely girl who"s lodging across the street at Jimmy"s turns out, she"s part of this whole big scam." "She bugs the whole street, finds out what money I"ve got what money Jack"s got, what money Mike Caine"s got." "Sucking us dry." "The spider in the web, not the fairy princess." "Hello, Vince." "As Mike would say, "We were done up like a slipper."" "L"ve got all the codes for the transfers, and I know where they"re going." "I want a third, or I show it all to the cops." "Whoa, calm down, treacle." "Tell you what, why don"t we go halves." "What about Tony"s cut?" "Well, don"t worry about his lordship." "L"II see he gets a nice little drink." "So long, mate." "I suppose you heard what he did to Tony Stanford." "It"s a cold wind out there." "It"s a portent of great underbadness." "Jammie Dodgers, orange-flavoured Hobnobs, chicken wings..." "Hey, kid, skinless chicken wings, where are they?" "Don"t know, mate." "L"m gonna make you an offer you can"t refuse." "He doesn"t know who I am." "I gotta do more teen movies." "Cash or card, sir?" "I never carry money." "Like your queen." " Card, then?" " Okay." "Hi, Dave." "You got three bottles of the old gold top?" "Something"s going on because your card"s been rejected." "Afraid not, Jack." "Your cheque bounced." "So you can"t have any more till you"ve paid up." "Everything was fine." "Then all of a sudden, my electricity went off." "That never happened before, and I thought, "Something"s not right."" "How about American Express?" "American Express." "That"s not going through either." " What now?" "I got all this food..." " Have to take it back." "If you pay, you can take it." "Okay, so who"s gonna sort this thing out?" "L"m standing here, who"s gonna help me?" " Don"t look at your watch." " Lf your cards don"t work, no food." "The guy who talks on the squawk box could come down here and help us out." " You can"t have it." " Don"t do your food, I"m coming back." "Sally, where the hell"s that limo?" "I said for them to be here at 10." "It"s now a quarter after 11." " I did book it." " Then why the hell isn"t it here?" "I like to see the stars lose all their money." "You know, I haven"t laughed as much since I poured lighter fluid over my cousin Douggie who lives in Berwick and set fire to him." "Ah!" "Happy days." "What the fuck"s going on?" "Jimmy?" "You"ve been a bad boy, Jimmy." " L"m so sorry, Jimmy." " Jimmy?" "Come with me." "You pull a stunt like that again, I"II kill you." "It"s only me, Jimmy." "Oh, hello, Mrs. Huggett, how are you?" "L"m all right." "I don"t know why, though, girl." "L"ve done more floors than you"ve had hot dinners." "You work too hard." "You should be taking it easy." "I should be." "Anyway, I"m just here to change Jimmy"s sheets." "I do that every Wednesday." "Every bleeding Wednesday." "Oh, my God." "What"s going on here, then?" "Oh, my God!" "L"m fucking cleaned out!" "Mad old bitch!" "Help!" "Help!" "He"s taken all my money!" "Yeah, that"s right!" "It"s your fault, Mike!" "Bullshit!" "Because of you, Michael!" " L"d have never gone near the financier." " Yeah, you fucking prick!" " We"II have to climb out the window." " L"m not going." "It"s a big drop." "Don"t be a wanker." "Help me tie these sheets together." " You make your decisions." " Don"t wriggle out of this." "Leave it out, Jack." "You brought this pinstriped peckerhead into our lives." "It"s your fucking fault." "Help!" "Help!" "And you, Mick." " You want a portion of this, son?" " Come on, David." "Stick it to his ass!" "A punch-up." "They"re giving Michael a good kicking." "L"II go and help." "Hold on to the rope and just climb down." "Wait a minute." "Al sold me this crock of shit!" "Hey, chill out, man." "Get off me!" " I got a great idea." " Yeah?" "You"ve ruined my fucking life." "Oh, no, I better scarper." "Get off!" "Get off me!" "Come on, Joe, get up!" "They totally brought it on themselves because they"re stupid." "What you"ve gotta understand about these stars is, they"re not very bright." "They"re like racehorses." "They"re trained to do one thing." "A racehorse is trained to gallop and a star is trained to say lots of words in a big picture." "But they don"t know nothing else about life." "No, it"s in California." "Oh, my bleeding eye." "Oh, dear, oh, dear." "L"ve got a right old shiner here." "You had a bit of a nasty fall there, didn"t you?" "Yeah, I did." "Bev, that script, has it gone yet?" "Tweety Pie in Tinseltown." "Yeah, I know I said..." "Just say I will play the part of the Second Fluffy Duckling for $ 10 million." " You all right?" " L"m better than I was." "Good, good." "Can you lend me a fiver?" "It"s gone?" "What do you mean, "It"s been pulled"?" "Well, tell me who it..." "Hello?" "Hello, Beverly?" "Bev!" "Bev!" "Shit." "Come on, Al." "Jesus Christ, have you finished yet, pal?" "Yeah, I"m finished." " L"m finished." " Thanks a lot, pal." " Jack." " Yeah?" "Don"t think you"re gonna get lucky." "Our luck"s over." "We"re all different, know what I"m saying?" "Some of us have got fucking talent left, know what I mean?" "Mrs. Huggett, what day do you get your pension?" "I need money, and fast." "Jurassic Park?" "Yeah, well, I"ve been giving it a little bit of thought." "I love that chickenshit glimmer in your eyes when my hands are on your neck." "What you forget is that I could have had you easy." " Yeah, sure." " No, I could, but I just held back a bit." "I could have had you because you"re sort of mentally defective." "They was beginning to smell, had no money, and I"m an old woman living on a pension." "I can"t keep a bunch of dozy septics in rags." "Like, I am so concerned." "Not!" " Jack?" "Like, we"re really bummed out." " Girls, where are you going?" "We have to leave for another rich celebrity." "You"re broke and washed-up." "So can I just say, thanks for wasting our time." "Whoa, there, girls." "Daddy"s just had a great idea." "This better be good." ""Take an Easy Rider tour to Jack"s cuckoo"s nest." "Adults, 5 pound..."" "Oh, Jack, how could you?" "Oh, my God." "I like my nose, Mrs. Mulwray." "I like breathing through it." "Thank you." "Thank you." "All right, if you just wanna wait here a moment, I"II bring you inside and I"II do the electric shock treatment scene from Cuckoo"s Nest." "All right, thanks." "How sad, to lose your grip on reality." "Wait a minute." "Right, what can I get for a fiver?" "Got me beans." "Here, did you know Alec Guinness lived on beans all the time he was at RADA?" "Funny that, isn"t it?" "Ocean pie, feeds one." "L"II split that into three." "It"II do me till Wednesday." "That leaves me with £1.15 left." "Mini cheese melters." "Blimey, these look nice." "Do you want cash back, baby?" "Right, that"s £10.80, please." "Hey, Jason!" "Jason!" "There"s no bar code on the tortellini." "Right, let me add it all up." "That"II be £10.80, please." "Sad, isn"t it?" "Still, at least he"s got a job." "Well, all right, now, baby." "You"re not here to kip, you"re here to stack trolleys." "Now stack them." "Stop hassling me, pig." "Are you ready, Al?" "Shall I let them in?" "No, I"m nearly ready." "No, I"m ready." "Just let them know I"m doing that scene from Godfather, with the orange peel." "It wasn"t my scene." "It was Marlon"s scene, but it says Godfather and the kids love it." "Okay, let them in." "All right, you can come in now." "Stand there, behind the rope, all right?" "And no flash photography and no eating while he"s acting out his movies." "What"s he doing?" "Why have you got that orange in your mouth?" "Thank you so much." "The next movie extract will take place in the kitchen." "See you in there." "Right, are you all ready?" "You"re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off." "That was really pitiful when David and Joe had to go and get jobs." "David had to work for bleeding Dean, of all people." "And Joe, you know, he got a job as a lollipop man helping old people across the road." "He shouldn"t be let near old people." "Come on, pop!" "Move your creaky butt!" "Come on, for fuck"s sake!" "You too, get on!" "Come on, move!" "Never see the point of old people." "They"re nearly fucking dead anyways." "Oh, David." "No, no, no." "You sand it and then you prime it." "What did I tell you yesterday?" "Dean, give me a break, will you?" "L"ve been a rock star for 30 years." "I don"t know about gloss and primer." "Okay, is everybody here?" "All right." " Okay, Len?" " All right." "Nurse Ratched, some of the guys wanna watch the ball game." "You"re not watching television, because you"re all nutter gadgees and you"ve all got to go and have your electric shock treatment." "Oh, my God, my brain"s being fried." "All right, thanks very much." " Did he get an Oscar for that?" " Yes." "L"m gonna do this once, and once only." "So get your cameras ready." "The scene from Scarface." "Thank you so much." "Signed videos at the door, and photographs, £9.99." "Come on, then." "Show"s over." "Come on." "Straight out the door." "Don"t hang about." "Oh, Mrs. Huggett." " How many for the next show?" " One." " Well, two because she"s pregnant." " Shit." "Let"s hope it picks up at Whitsun." "On a late winter"s evening" "On a late winter"s evening" "Just about a quarter to 4" "When snowflakes are falling I"ll be near your door" "So sleep well My angel l"m so close to you" "You"ll still be dreaming" "When I whisper how I love you I"ve got this familiar feeling" "Some call it déjà vu" " One of those keys ought to work, Jack." " Well, it"s hard to say, Nick." "This is a John Tann." "It"s a rare safe." "Just work your magic, Jack." "I tell you, this guy is well caked-up." "He"s got some great weed, too." "You keep up the good work, Jack." "L"m gonna go have a shufty downstairs." "Oh, wow!" "Vintage plonk." "Nick!" "Nick!" "Come up here!" "L"ve done it!" "Oh, no." "Bank statements." "I was hoping for a nice bit of wedge." "So was I. Hang on, let"s see what we"ve got." "What"s this?" ""Jack Nicholson: $ 122 million cash transfer from Chase Manhattan..."" "Everything is collapsing, it"s very sad." "I wish I could stay with you, but it"s impossible." "Give a little help to my friends." "A big star." "Hollywood..." "It"s over." "Cut, cut, cut." " Jack." " Yeah?" "Throw another Oscar on the fire." "You got it, pal." "So long." "Do you know what?" "I think there"s a certain purity in all this." "Do you know, I really think I"m beginning to find myself?" "I kind of preferred you lost." "I don"t think we can take much more of this." "We might learn something, might not, but either way, it"s been an experience." "I ain"t learned nothing from this yet." "I want all my money back." "Our greed." "Our pride." "This was just waiting to happen." "There"s one word you missed out there:" "Naivety." "We"ve all been very naive." "Except me, I knew this was gonna happen." "In the fullness of time, I believe we will see where our greed has led us." "We will grow stronger and wiser, and we will be filled with hope..." "Shut up!" "Shut that bleeding bazooky up!" " Yeah, shut up, Mick!" " Yeah, shut up, Mick." " Fuck!" " Sod!" "Just a little soundtrack to your wank." "You"re a bunch of no-good wankers." "In hindsight, I have to say it was not the smartest move to burgle a house belonging to a chap of the temperament of Vince Crush because he was quite excitable and very inventive in his violence." "Correct me if I"m wrong, gentlemen, you don"t live here, do you?" "Do you know how I know?" "Because I fucking live here." "We never dreamt you didn"t." "It"s amazing how quickly someone you don"t know gets on your fucking tits." " I think we"d better make tracks, Jack." " Yes, look at that time." " Yeah, thank you." " No." "You"re staying for dinner." "You could say you"re dressed for it." "Because that"s what you"re eating." "Your clothes." "Now, tuck in, before I get annoyed." "I thought you were annoyed, but now I think you"re being very reasonable." "L"m full up." "Do you mind if I don"t eat my clothes?" "I insist." "Here"s the appetiser." "Go on!" "Hors d"oeuvres!" "Go on." "Tuck in!" "You"re gonna love the afters." "It"s each other." "I think it was when Vince was cramming my jersey into my mouth and my anus at the same time that I was most sorry about burgling that particular house." "Is there a Michael Caine here?" "L"m Michael Caine, you bastard." "All right, is there a Jack Nicholson or an Al Pacino here?" "Yeah, who wants to know?" " Got good news for you." " Fuck." "Have you got a quid?" "We"ve found your money, all of it." "Oh, God be praised!" "Well, I"II be a Green Bay Packer." "What started out as a common or garden felony has turned into a sensational Hollywood sting." "Stephanie Giraffe in London, England, has the details." "L"II give you 10 to reach the gate." "Well, Bob, after Doshcom, we have Starcom." "Hollywood legends Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino and British rock stars Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and David Bowie were the victims of an audacious fraud." "This Stanford bloke, he"d been drawing the money out and bunting it towards this guy Vince." "And blow me, it turns out all the documents stating that it was the money of Al and Jack and everybody they all turned up in this duffel bag outside of Vince"s house." "After a week of intense police activity two people, a man and woman were charged with the theft of assets totalling $500 million which were recovered from a bank in Metz, France this evening." "They"re all alive." "Keep the press back." " Are there any more stars here?" " Yeah, we"re all here." "Come on, Al, let"s get out of this hellhole." "Come on, pal, the nightmare"s over." "It"s gonna be okay." " It"s all right, Joe." "We"re going home." " Home." "You know something?" "That was a hell of an experience, wasn"t it?" "Yeah." "Get back, get back!" "Get those limos over here." "Oh, Stephanie, do you think they"ve learned anything from this horrifying experience?" "One would like to think that they have been on some sort of moral journey." "But, in fact, they seemed to adapt pretty quickly once they"d been informed their money had been recovered." "They hunkered back down pretty quickly to their luxury champagne lifestyle." "Back into a world where the word "no" is never heard." "I was tipped the wink the other day by this bloke off a newspaper." "L"m gonna sell the whole story." "About a quarter of a million nicker." "And for a moment I thought, "No, I"m not gonna do that."" "Especially not to Michael." "Then I thought of all that money." "And I thought, "Sod them."" "I said I wasn"t gonna sing so I didn"t." "But then I did because I did get up and do it." "That"s the whole thing in the end, I did get up." "I didn"t not get up." "Thought I wasn"t, but I did." "That was the really funny thing about it." "She" "She"s got the heart of gold" "Whoa, baby!" "She" "She"s ever so" "And the old man" "From the corner of the street" "He goes into town" "When the sun goes down" " Go for it, Dave!" " Yeah!" "White suited And booted" "Like a gentleman" "White suited And booted" "Like Uncle Sam" "She" "She"s got a heart of gold" "She" "She"s ever so" "And the old man" "From the corner of the street" "He goes into town" "When the sun goes down" "Eileen" "Happy birthday!" "She"s 0 today, today, today" "Eileen, happy birthday" "All right, baby!" " Come on, now, blow." " One big blow, girl." "I guess the most shameful part of this whole episode is, I agreed to do Tweety Pie in Tinseltown." "Yeah." "I was desperate." "There were so many things we couldn"t do because he had no money like, kind of, shopping and sex." "I was in this really dark hole." "I didn"t see any way I was ever gonna come out of it, but I did." "Well, I"d love to burn down the Tyne Bridge." "But really, I"d need a team of crack arsonists to achieve it." "Dean asked me to sign a picture for him." "I said:" ""Even before I shut your head in the car door, you got memory loss." Prick!" "I said to my mates, "Here, guess who give me that?" "Joe Pesci."" "One of the proudest moments of my life." "I quite enjoyed the desolation of it all." "It was like a holiday." "I loved it." "Well, I don"t know what"s gonna happen now, do I?" "But then again, in life, you never do, do you?" "And that"s the beauty of it." "Because if you did, it would be bleeding terrifying, wouldn"t it?" "I want the good life" "I want the good life" "Cricket on the green" "No need to hurry" "When life is so serene" "Washing the car on Sunday" "Commuting every Monday" "Suburban man, I am" "I want the good life" "Oh, leafy street of mine I"ll never leave you" "With you all the time" "Mowing the grass on Wednesday" "You give me peace of mind" "Oh, Stella Street You"re all I wish to find" "Now, don"t you ever change" "You"re perfect as you are" "Though I"m far away from you" "I miss your shining star" "When leaves fall in September I"ll be back you"ll see" "The welcome view across the green Such paradise to me" "I want the quiet life" "You"re my suburban fix" "No crazy DJs playing" "Their latest mix" "No more sleepless nights" "This town"s in bed by 10" "Suburban man Right to the end" "So don"t you ever change" "You"re perfect as you are" "Though I"m far away from you" "I miss your shining star" "When leaves fall in September I"ll be back you"ll see" "The welcome view across the green" "Such paradise to me"