" ♪" " [school bell ringing]" " [door opens]" " Oh, here they come." "These ladies are definitely gonna ask us." " Man, we're never gonna get dates." " Aw, I can't believe we're going stag to our first Sadie Hawkins Dance." " LINCOLN:" "Don't give up hope, guys-- and come someone pass the ketchup?" " Why are you guys under the table?" " I'm hiding from Ronnie Anne so she can't ask me to the dance." " And I'm here for moral support." " Lincoln, I thought you liked Ronnie Anne." " I do, but there's a two-for- one deal at the arcade tonight, and there's no way I'm missing it." " [door opens]" " Yikes!" "Here she comes." "Remember, I'm not down here." " Hey, guys." "Have you seen Lincoln?" " Lincoln, uh..." " Uh..." " Nope." " Never done heard of him." " He's definitely not under the table." " [padding footsteps]" " [door thwacks]" " LINCOLN:" "Oh!" "[whistling] [gasps]" " So, did Ronnie Anne ask you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?" " Uh, yeah, yeah, um..." "Uh...uh..." " I bet she was so excited." "The Sadie Hawkins is literally the most important dance in a girl's life." " Well, actually, Ronnie Anne didn't even ask me." " SISTERS:" "What?" "!" " Yeah, I waited around all day." "But it just never happened." " Poor big brother." "You must be devastated." " Oh, you know, I'll get through it--somehow." "What?" "I..." "I would have told them the truth." "But, believe me, they wouldn't have understood." "Sometimes a little white lie works out better for everyone." " [crickets chirping]" " Mom, I'm going to the arcade with Clyde." "I'll see ya later." " Hey, Lincoln, you got a sec?" " Hey, I need to talk to him, first." " Dudes, urgent!" "Mine is more important." "Guess what, bro?" "I hit ya up with a date for the dance." " What?" " Hey, so did I." " So did I." " Me, too." " W-W-Why?" " You were so bummed out when Ronnie Anne didn't ask you." "I just wanted to make you feel better." " Me, too." " So did I." " Me, too." " You guys..." "I wasn't bummed out." "I didn't want her to ask me because I wanted to go to the arcade tonight." " Then why didn't you say so, ya yutz?" " 'Cause you made me feel so guilty-- all that stuff about" ""the most important dance in a girl's life."" " Well, you're going to the dance now, dude, 'cause my friend'll be wicked bummed if you flake on her." " Mine, too." " Ditto." " Yeah, 'cause no one likes a flake." "[laughing]" "But, seriously, you're going." " But, you guys, how am I supposed to juggle four dates?" " That's not our problem, dude." " You dug your own grave, Lincoln." " Now you gotta lie in it." " Lucky." " [heavy sigh]" " [dance music playing]" " And here's your raffle ticket." " Oh, there's a raffle?" " Yep." "The winner gets to have lunch with me in the teachers' lounge." " Good news, Lincoln-- I've checked the entire gym and Ronnie Anne is nowhere to be found." " Oh, that's a relief." "I can't let Ronnie Anne see me here after I've avoided her all day." "It'll really hurt her feelings." "Besides, I have enough on my hands juggling four dates." " Don't worry, I've got everything we need to make the night go smoothly-- binoculars, stopwatch, dossiers on each of the lovely ladies, and, lastly, a hidden microphone and receiver." "I'll be your eyes in the sky." "Now, let's move out!" " Hey, guys, did you get dates?" " Nah, we're just here for the raffle." "I've always wanted to see the teachers' lounge." " CLYDE [through earpiece]:" "Lincoln, I'm in position." "I forgot I'm afraid of heights, but I'll be okay." " LINCOLN: [through headphones] You're a true pal, Clyde." " Don't mention it." "Now, at your 11:00 o'clock, you'll see a girl with purple streaks in her hair." "That's Luna's friend, Tabby." "She loves sweatin' to the oldies, turning it up to 11, and her ideal date is sound- proofing a wall with egg crates." " Hi, Tabby, I'm Lincoln." " Good to meet ya!" "Wanna jam?" " Oh, uh, okay." " Rockin' that piano." "You got some chops." " CLYDE:" "Sky Guy to the Ladies' Man, your time is up." "Move on to girl #2." " Ooh, sorry, Tabby, my piano elbow's acting up." "Gonna grab an ice pack." " CLYDE:" "Okay, at your 6:00 o'clock, is Luan's friend from clown school, Giggles." "A Virgo with an infectious laugh," "Giggles' ideal date is trying to figure out how many people she can cram into one car." " Hey, Giggles, I'm Lincoln." " Pleased to meet ya." " [buzzer zapping]" " I heard a lotta buzz about you." "[laughing]" " Good one." "You got something on your shirt." "Boop!" " [laughing]" "Touché!" " CLYDE:" "Wrap it up, Ladies' Man." "Girl #3 is waiting." "Lucy's friend Haiku is an up-and-coming poet." "Her dislikes include kittens, sunlight, and people who smile too much." " Hi, I'm Lincoln." " Hi, Lincoln." "Wanna hear my poem?" ""Empty." "Lonely." "Dark." ""The universe is weeping." "I have no tissues."" "Okay, your turn." " Uh, "Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water."" " Oh, yes, the futility of teamwork." "Deep stuff." " CLYDE:" "Time's up, Ladies' Man." "Girl #4 is Lynn's roller derby teammate, Polly Pain." "I think she's over by the-- - [heavy thud]" " I found her, Clyde." " Nailed ya, bro." "In roller derby, that's a move I like to call "The Booty Block."" "And this is the "Helicopter"!" " Whoa!" "Oh!" "Oh!" " [heavy thud]" " Wow!" "You didn't even barf." "I'm impressed." " Thanks." " CLYDE:" "That's time, Ladies' Man." "Get ready for round two." " [dance music playing]" " So...high...up." " [dance music continues]" "♪" " [wheezy breathing]" " LINCOLN:" "Ahhh!" " [loud crash]" " [barfing]" " How ya feeling, Sky Guy?" " Better." "I think I'm ready to go back up." " No way, Clyde." "You've done enough." "Thanks to your help, I've got everything under control." " [dance music continues]" " Ah!" "Ronnie Anne!" "Clyde, what am I gonna do?" "Ronnie Anne is here." " Well, you can't stay under here." "You're already 30 seconds late for air harmonica with Tabby." " I've got an idea." "Pssst!" "Guys!" " [head bonks] Hey, what the heck, Lincoln?" " LINCOLN:" "Get over here." " You two sure like to hide under tables, don't you?" " How would you guys like someone to dance with?" " Sorry, Lincoln, you're not my type." " Not with me--with girls!" " ALL:" "Girls?" "!" " [gasping]" " On second thought, I think I'd rather dance with you." " Come on, guys, it's not that big of a deal." "Pop a breath mint, look 'em in the eye, make sure your fly's up, and you're golden." " ALL:" "[zipping flies]" " Clyde, I need you to go, too." " [zips fly]" " Thanks, guys." "You're the best." " [dance music continues]" " ALL:" "[taking deep breath]" " LINCOLN:" "Problem solved." "I'll just hide under here until the dance is over." " RUSTY:" "Whoa!" " [heavy crash]" " Dang it." " Gee, that Polly is quite a handful." "And I like it!" " [dance music continues]" " [butt thwacks]" " LINCOLN:" "Ahhh!" "[sighs]" " [dance music continues]" " [gasps]" " [balls thudding]" " Whoa!" "Oh!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" " [laughing] Bravo!" "Ever thought about clowning?" " ♪" " [feet padding]" " Lincoln?" " [gasps]" " ♪" " [electronic voice] All right, party people," "I wanna see you on the dance floor." " [dance music]" " Hot diggity dang!" "Turn it on up to 11." " I love turning it up to 11!" " [dance music continues]" " Haiku, I have to be honest." "My heart belongs to an older woman." " That's okay, my heart belongs to an older man." "He just turned 200." " Unrequited love, am I right?" " [scratching record]" " Hey, kid, what are ya doing?" " [screams]" " Attention, everyone." "The lucky student who gets to have lunch with me in the teachers' lounge is..." "Lincoln Loud!" " STUDENTS: [applauding]" " Uh, Lincoln?" "Oh, where are you?" " LINCOLN: [screams]" " Lincoln?" "Where have you been, mate?" "You left me standing out there." " You?" "He's here with me." " Wrong." "He's here with me." " Actually, he's here with me." " You guys, I'm sorry." "I can explain." " Wait, let me go first." "I'm sorry to say this, Lincoln, but would you mind if I hung out with somebody else for the rest of the night?" "I really hit it off with that guy, Liam." " Yeah, and I'm having a really great time with Beck." " Yes, and I enjoy Clyde." "We share the same pain." " Same with me and Rusty-- though the pain is mostly his." " Sure, no problem." "I'm glad you're all having fun." "How about that?" "I guess tonight worked out for everyone." " Hey, Lincoln." " [screams]" "Well, except for me." "Guess it's time to come clean." "Ronnie Anne, I'm really sorry." "I know I hurt your feelings." "I should have just let you ask me to the dance." " What are you talking about?" " Isn't that why you were looking for me today?" " [laughing] To ask you to a lame dance?" "No." "I wanted to invite you to the arcade." "There's a two-for-one deal tonight." "Since I couldn't find you, I just came here." " [smacks forehead]" " Wait." "So, you knew I was looking for you?" " Yeah, I was kinda ducking you." "Sorry." " Not cool, Lincoln, but, to be honest, if I thought you were gonna ask me to the dance tonight," "I would have ducked you, too." " So, we're cool?" " We're cool." " We're gonna close out Sadie Hawkins with a slow song, and if you liked what you heard tonight," "I'll be spinnin' at the Finestein bar mitzvah this Saturday--peace!" " [slow dance music]" "♪" " [rollers clanking]" " ♪" " RUSTY:" "Whoa!" " [loud crash]" " Should we do this?" " I'm game if you are." " FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:" "Dance Battle starts!" " LINCOLN:" "Oh, watch this." " RONNIE ANNE:" "Oh, I'm much better."