"Previously on Nip / Tuck:" "Guess I'm early." " Maybe I should go." " Who are you?" "I'm me again, baby." "I'm back." "She came into my office for a small procedure." "What kind of procedure?" " Matt, it doesn't concern you..." " No, I wanna know." "So, is she a man or a woman?" "What matters is how she views herself, Matt." "Are you man enough to make up your own mind about what pleases you?" "Buy me a drink?" "Oh, you got a goddamn dick!" "Why didn't you tell me you were pre-op?" "You should've told me!" "If I wanna play with someone's cock, I got my own, you goddamn freak!" "I'm not gay, if that's what you're thinking, Dad." "You are almost unrecognizable." "Come on, get him!" "He's gonna be all right, Julia." "It's a simple reset with a couple of stitches." "In six weeks, he'll look like new." "I'm not worried about what he's gonna look like, Sean." "I'm worried about what's going on inside him... that's making him lie to us about what happened." "He's been completely shut off from us since you told him about Ava." "Really?" "I thought his erratic behavior began... after you decided to serve me with divorce papers." "What is wrong with you two?" "Matt's bleeding and you're so self-involved... you're fighting over who gave him the straight razor." "Christian, this really isn't any of your business." "Your neglect of my son is my business." "Look, I agreed to take a back seat to you two... because I thought it was better to maintain consistency." "Obviously, I was wrong." "As soon as we're done resetting his face..." "I'm enlisting some professional help... so we can make him talk about what happened." "With all due respect, Christian... you know more about the different classes of tequila than you know about parenting." "I know enough to know that the pound wouldn't give either of you... a 10-year-old mutt covered in its own shit right now." " What's he doing here?" " Assisting." "Assisting who?" "Assisting me." "This kind of cranial-facial work is Quentin's specialty." "Not letting him operate on Matt would be neglectful." "Can you all do it?" "No, Matt, it's a two-man job." "And your father knew that." "That's all right." "Well, I'm the short-timer." "Christian can assist." "Whoa, wait." "Are you the guy that fixed my dad's face?" "Yes." "It's okay, Matt." "You're gonna do great." "Matt, count back from 10 for me, okay?" "Ten, nine, eight... 11-blade." "Osteotome." "Mallet." "How long is this gonna take, Mr. Miller?" "I've got a meeting in 45 minutes." "Oh, like, 10 minutes, tops." "Look, I really appreciate you coming on short notice, Dr. Troy." "The administration's pretty down on the Greek system right now." "We'd probably be expelled for this." " How did you get my number?" " You did my mom." "Her neck-lift." "You did a great job, man." "She got remarried like four months later." "Congratulations." " Plus, you're kind of a legend around here." " Legend?" " Were you a brother at this frat?" " Chapter president, class of '86." "And guys are still talking about him." "He turned this fraternity from a sausage fest... into a pussy palace all by himself." "And that's why we thought you'd be cool." "Now, we can pay you everything in our Rites of Spring party fund... which is, like, $7,000, but you have to keep this a secret." "Keep what a secret?" "We tried watering them down and pulling them apart... but this stuff is like cement, man." ""Cyanoacrylate." This is industrial strength adhesive." "Yeah, we tried calling the 800 number on the back of the bottle." "They said, once it dries... all you can use to unstick it is a chisel, or scraper or sandpaper." "We should have enough lidocaine between the two of us for a quickie." "You want to operate in here?" "If we don't separate them here, we can't transport them." "They're 18." "We need them to sign this consent form to release us from any liability." "You carry around your own release of liability forms?" "Physicians get sued for doing the Heimlich maneuver at a restaurant." "You need to be prepared." "Infection shouldn't be a problem if we can rush them to the ER." "We're gonna have to do some grafting in the office, but it can wait a day." "Lidocaine or not, it's gonna hurt like hell." " Hey, what's your name?" " Derek Jordan." "Derek, I need you to sign this form... so that Dr. Costa and I can perform surgery on the three of you." "We're gonna give you a local anesthetic, but there's still gonna be some pain." "Now, you need to stay cool while we're cutting, understand?" "Got it." "Thank you, Derek." "And you, sir?" "Screw this." "I wanna go to the hospital." "My dad's a doctor." "I wanna talk to my dad." "Your dad is an orthodontist, dickweed." "You don't think dentists have to go to medical school, asshole?" "Just sign the damn form, Alex, or I swear to God I will shit your face." "Dude, I'm freaking out." "If they don't cut me out of here soon, I'm gonna lose it and rip myself off!" "Fine, give me the goddamn form." "And you?" "Excellent." "You guys might wanna leave." "It's gonna get messy in here." "At least give us some room." "Please." "Thank you." "Can I ask you a question?" "Why'd you ask me here with you instead of Sean?" "I was just thinking that if we're gonna be partners... then we needed to be active in developing our professional relationship." "Bottoms up." "Ready?" "One, two, three." "Sorry." " Did you read the file?" " Enough of it." "Can you get him to talk?" "I think I can handle a teenage boy." "Your dad is an excellent surgeon." "As soon as the swelling goes down, the girls won't notice a thing." "Who's this?" "This is Kit McGraw." "She's a friend of mine." "She's also a detective in the Sex Crimes Unit at Miami Dade." "Well, this wasn't a sex crime." "This was just a simple schoolyard fight." "I mean, why would we waste Ms. McGraw's time with it?" "Because none of the donut dunkers who have interviewed him... have even come close to finding out who did this." "Kit is the best detective in the department." "She's handling The Carver case." "This is standard stuff for me, Matt." "The file is pretty clear, but I'd like to go over your story again." "They really did a number on you, didn't they?" "Matt said it was just one guy." "The bruising on his arms is indicative of someone holding him down... while at least one other person worked over his face." "You seem like a pretty strong kid." "But not even you could fight off three or four guys, right, Matt?" "I mean, I guess it could have been more than one guy after the first sucker punch." "I don't really remember much, except for the fists." "In your statement you described the guy... guys as Latin, with some gang tattoos." "Can you tell me what their girlfriends looked like?" " How the hell would I know that?" " These are fingernail marks." "When men scratch, they cause shallow, uneven cuts." "These run deep and consistent." "Someone with long, manicured fingernails did this." "I wish they'd scraped these for polish." "Yeah, well, whatever." "Like I said, I don't remember anything." "What is this, Mom?" "I think this is enough, Ms. McGraw." "Matt should rest now." "Thanks, Matt." "I'll amend the report and make sure the investigating officer sees it." "Wait, wait, wait." "That's it?" "He doesn't wanna talk." "That didn't stop you from strapping the electrodes to my nuts." "He's just a kid, Christian." "I didn't bring you here to play tetherball with him, Kit." "You're taking the leash off?" "Because you might not like what you hear." "Have you committed a crime in the last few weeks, Matt?" "Rape, assault?" "Something to piss someone off enough for them to seek revenge?" "What?" "No." "Matt was the victim here." "Matt is lying, Mrs. McNamara." "People who get assaulted for no reason don't conceal facts." "They don't forget how many people attacked them... or if they were men or women." "That's what guilty people who were jumped for a reason do." "Are you saying he did something to precipitate this?" "Whoa, I got jumped." "I can't believe you're taking her word over mine." "The police report says you were soaking wet... when you were discovered, Matt." "The lab results on your clothes revealed... that the fluid covering your body was urine." "We weren't told that." "Did you know that, Sean?" " No, that's not in the file." " Not yet." "But you know how that works, Doctor." "When you need lab results quickly, you just need to know who to call." "What did you do to her, Matt?" "Did you screw her best friend?" "Slip her a roofie?" "Rape her?" "What made her so mad that she and a group of her girlfriends... felt the need to mess up your pretty face and then piss all over you?" "You don't know shit." "I know that I'd lie, too... if I had the crap beaten out of me by a bunch of cheerleaders." "They weren't cheerleaders!" "They were men!" "They were men dressed as women." "One of them made a pass at me outside of a she-male bar... and I beat the living shit out of him for it." "I guess this was revenge." "What were you doing at a bar for transsexuals?" "I was looking for Ava." "Military school?" "The Hutton Academy is not a military school." "It's a disciplinary institution." "And the two plums between my legs are not balls, they're "testicles."" "I can't believe that you want this for him." "Matt needs something radical." "So unless you have any better suggestions..." "He's depressed and highly anxious." "I say we start him off on a low dosage of Luvox and Xanax for panic attacks." "You're not starting him on anything." "Matt's not gonna be able to face his issues if he's in a sedated haze." "They're not sedatives." "They just help him relax enough... so that he can deal with what's really hurting him." "I don't know, Christian." "You know, maybe Sean's right." "Matt needs structure... and, you know, maybe Hutton wouldn't be the worst idea for a couple of months." "You put him in a straitjacket and I swear to God... he will gnaw his arms off just to get out of it." "Oh, wake up, Christian." "Our coddling and laissez-faire attitudes... led to him getting pissed on by a bunch of transsexuals." "Kids whose parents are on top of them don't beat down strangers outside of bars." "I won't let you do this." "It's two-to-one." "You don't have a choice." "You all right?" "I used to do this when he was a kid." "Watch him sleep." "Well, he's gonna be fine." "It's young skin." "Very elastic." "I'm not worried about the outside scars." "Those I know I can fix." "Is every one of your screw-ups your father's fault?" "No." "Then you need to stop killing yourself about this." "Shit happens." "People make mistakes." "You just need to blow off some steam and get some perspective." "Take your head out of that vise." "If you need anything, give a call." " Hey." " Yeah?" "You wanna go grab some stone crabs?" "I'd love to, but I have plans." "I think Christian's still here, though." "If I can't offer him naked Victoria's Secret models and a case of Cristal..." "I'm persona non grata on a Friday night." "Do you wanna come out with me?" "Is this your usual party scene?" "No." "Even I tend to skew a little older." "Christian and I were doing some work over here yesterday." "The invite was a thank you." "You and Christian?" " He didn't tell me about it." " It was no big deal." "It was a college prank gone awry." "We don't belong here." "These are just kids." "Sean, these are fountains of youth." "We work all day on flabby, middle-aged flesh." "Boob jobs, tummy-tucks, lipo." "All we do is try to make 40-year-olds look like these girls." "You consider this research." "Hey, you're not a nerdy pre-med anymore, Sean." "You are a hot-shit plastic surgeon in reasonably expensive shoes." "These girls are gonna be clawing for you." "Doc!" "You made it!" " Hey!" " Hey, is Dr. Troy with you?" "No, he sends his regrets..." " and his partner, Dr. Sean McNamara." " Right on." "Hey, man." " What are the bracelets for?" " It's a bracelet party." "They're color-coded." "See, every girl wears whichever color they're looking for tonight." "Like blue means they like head." "Double blue means they like 69." "Pink means they're into girls, too." "It sort of just streamlines the whole process." "Is there a bracelet for girls who like guys twice their age?" "Green!" "Means they like money." "Come on!" "How's Matt, Christian?" "He's recovering faster from the first beat down he got... than the one he got from Herr McGraw." "Don't let this slide, Christian." "That kid has some deep-seated problems." "I think I'll skip the parenting advice... from the girl who likes to spank me while I call her "Daddy."" "Every gay basher I ever busted... was expressing something they couldn't safely express sexually." "Are you suggesting that Matt is gay?" "I'm just suggesting that he should talk to somebody." "Three tickets to the Vin Diesel movie." "I thought we were seeing Jude Law." "I am not sitting through three hours of Jude Law." "Doesn't he get castrated at the end of this one?" "You always get to choose the movie." "We haven't seen a movie I like in two years." "Well, I'm sorry if the movies I like... aren't the cinematic masterpieces you direct, Kimber." "Those "masterpieces" grossed more in the first month of DVD sales... than you made last year, asshole." "This is your fault." "You're constantly whispering in her ear, trying to box me out." "You've been treating Kimber like shit for years." "You should be thanking me for helping your relationship grow... by making sure she stands up for herself." "Kimber and I understand each other." "We've got a shorthand." "Yeah, and you've been using it to slap her in the ass." "Kimber's not some bimbo model anymore." "She doesn't need you." "If you wanna keep her around, I recommend... that you choose your moves and your movies more carefully." "Cheer up." "If you're good, I'll give you a hand job in hour two." "Two for the one where the guy gets his balls cut off." "Jerk each other off." "Hi." "Hi." " I'm Amber." " Sean." "Tie." "What do the braided ones mean?" "It means for the right guy, I'd do anything." "Thank you." "Cheers." "I'm happy to give you a cursory examination, Amber... but I can tell you before I even look you do not need liposuction." "Wait." "No, come on." "I'm old enough to be your father." "Age is just a state of mind." "My medieval lit professor taught me that." "I slept with him, too." "Do all surgeons have such great hands?" "Do all anthropology majors have such great breasts?" "You are cute." "Hey." "You guys mind if we use the bed?" "Oh, no problem." "I'm sorry." "I have to go." "Sorry." "Looking for someone?" "How's it feel?" "It throbs a little." "This'll help." "You pissed at me for wanting that other guy to do my surgery?" "Biology aside, Matty, we're friends." "It takes a lot more than that to piss off a friend." "What about Mom and Dad?" "They're not quite so high on you right now." "They wanna send you to Hutton Academy for the rest of the semester." "That place is a prison camp, man." "They can't do that." "Technically, they can." "But we're not gonna let them." "To make this situation right, you and I have to work as a team." "This is an antidepressant." "Take one tablet every morning." "This is for anxiety attacks." "Take one tablet every time you feel like you're losing it." "But no booze with these." "All right." "Yeah." "Not so fast." "Teammates, right?" "Yeah." "I wanna know the truth about you and Ava." "Were you completely fooled or was there something... about her being a man that worked for you?" "Why does everyone suddenly think I'm gay?" "Because you and I both know... you didn't go to that tranny bar believing you'd actually find her." "Look, it's totally cool with me if you are." "Look, I like girls, okay?" "I liked Ava because I thought she was one." "I guess someone with your limited experience could be fooled by her." "It's only through my extensive vaginal expertise... that I realized I was inside something artificial." "What do you mean inside?" "Did you sleep with her?" "Just once." "How else do you think we realized she was a post-op?" "You call yourself a friend?" "Hey!" "Friends don't sleep with each others' girlfriends." "Oh, wait, but I guess you have a habit of doing that, don't you?" "I was trying to save you from her, you little shit." "I thought that if she had sex with me... you would see her for the manipulative slut that she is." "And how did you think I was gonna feel about you afterwards?" "I didn't care." "I'd rather you hate me than see you destroy yourself." "Let her go." "What are you doing here?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I was just picking up a couple of things to bring to Matt." "You know, make him feel more at home." "I guess I've been lingering." "I know the feeling." "I actually fell asleep in here last night." "What happened to us, Sean?" "You know, I look at his bed... and I remember the three of us spending all day... in that damn furniture showroom haggling over $200, remember?" "With the salesman..." " wearing the bad toupee." " Right, with the..." "Oh, God." "Those parents would've never let this all happen." "They were naive, but they loved each other." "There's still love, Julia." "It's just..." "Just buried under all this shit." "Right?" "Look what I found at the bottom of the desk drawer." ""Happy anniversary to Dr. and Mrs. Perfect." ""Love, Matt." ""Your son."" "That's great." " When is this from?" " Fourth grade." "I shouldn't have blamed you for all this." "Just tell me everything's gonna be all right." "Everything is gonna be all right." "Very nice." " What are you doing here?" " I checked myself out." "I don't care how expensive the sheets are in that recovery spa... it still smells like a damn hospital." "That's because it is a hospital, Matt... for patients that need around-the-clock monitoring." "You're supposed to be on IV fluids for two more days." "Well, I can see why you'd want me there." "What's the matter?" "Your own bed have too many bad memories?" "This isn't what it looks like, Matt." "Well, hey, it's cool if you guys wanna give it another go." "No, we're not giving it another go." "It was a one-time thing." "I'm gonna go put clean sheets on my bed and take a nap." "Xanax?" "Who prescribed these for you?" "My dad." "See, that's the advantage of having three parents." "You can always be sure that one's gonna give you what you need." " Hey." " Hey, don't put your hands on me!" "These drugs are only gonna stop your pain temporarily." "They're not gonna help you deal with your real problems." "You might think you outrank everyone... but that doesn't mean you have any idea what I need right now." "Then tell us, Matt." "We're your parents." "We're not the enemy." "Yes, tell me." "Do you need me to hug you?" "Hit you?" "Whatever it takes to get you back, I'll do it." "Then give me my pills and leave me alone." "I can't do that." "You're in no condition to be self-medicating." "Don't ask me what I need... if you're not willing to give it to me, all right?" "I can't believe you took those frat boys up on their offer." "Rocking the cradle of love, huh?" "Yeah, it was almost too easy." " We were like these two vulva magnets." " We?" "Yeah, Sean came with me." "Sean?" "I can't see Sean enjoying something like that." "Well, tell that to the coed who had her head in his lap." "I wish I had the energy for a little Vagina U... but I got my hands full at home." " Girlfriend?" " My girlfriend I can handle." "It's my girlfriend's girlfriend that's wiping me out." "You are my idol." "How do you get up for work?" "The sex isn't the tiring part." "It's the constant jockeying for position." "I find myself fighting nonstop to keep my status as cock of the walk." "Yeah, yeah, sounds like quite a burden." "Hey, anytime I can help you out." "How about tonight?" "I'm serious." "I need a break." "Come take Kit off my hands for the night." "College BJs are nice, Q, but, aim a little higher." "Christian, are you sure there's not gonna be any jealousy?" "I'd hate to have things be awkward around here." "Hardly." "I'd consider it a personal favor." "So, Christian tells me that you're working The Carver case." " Any leads?" " Some." "You've got to stalk his kind of predator." "It takes time." "My last case took two years." "Some psycho near Stepney Green who got off on attacking couples." "He'd tie the man up and then make him watch as he raped the girl." "Well, there's a fetish for everyone, isn't there?" "I'm sorry, Kimber, this is very embarrassing." "I'm completely starstruck." "I've seen all your movies." "How sweet." "I have a new series coming out." "It's called "Two Girls, a Guy and a Come Face."" "It's loosely based on our personal experiences." "We'll be sure to send you the DVDs." "Porn's for fat kids." "Why not offer him the real thing?" "I wouldn't want to impose." "Christian wouldn't mind a friend lending a hand." "Why not, Quentin?" "If that's what Kit wants, she's all yours." "If you like her in movies... wait till you have her when she's not acting." "She tastes like hot maple syrup." "Kimber isn't a condiment from IHOP, sweetheart." "She's not to be passed around the table." "It's not your place to invite him into our arrangement, Kit." "You're right, Christian." "We need a majority." "Would you like us to make love to Quentin tonight, baby?" "Sure." "Why not?" "Then it's decided." "Unless you're uncomfortable, Christian." "Or intimidated." "Baby, don't worry." "If he's taking care of her, then I can have you all to myself again." "To even numbers." "Cheers!" " Hello?" " Is Matt there?" "No." "What's wrong?" "What's wrong is that our son has polished off our entire liquor cabinet." " How do you know it was him?" " Right, Julia, I shouldn't assume." "Maybe the booze elves had a big blowout while I was at work." "Jesus, he knows he's not supposed to be drinking." "If Matt shows up there, tell him I expect him... and you and Christian over here tomorrow night to settle this." "What's wrong?" "Tell me that was an accident, Quentin." "Relax, Christian, we're all just having a good time." "No, I need to hear him say it." "I need to hear him say that he did not mean to grab my ass." "I think I should go." "Why didn't you tell me that you were bi?" "You didn't tell me the specifics of your sex life until this afternoon." "Frankly..." "I assumed you were, too." "Well, I'm not." "Well, this is my fault." "I broke rule number one." "Never come where you eat." "Thank you for a lovely evening." "You're both incredible." "Well done, Christian." " Get out of my bed." " Excuse me?" "I'm tired of all this three-way bullshit." "I want my girlfriend back." "She's mine." "Kimber isn't a possession, Christian." "She doesn't belong to you." "Yes, I do." "You're beautiful." "And you're really amazing, Kit." "But I agreed to let you join us... because I thought it would help make Christian feel better." "Now he does." "I like you, but I love him." "I had higher expectations of you, Christian." "But the truth is you're nothing more than a domesticated house cat." "With an expensive haircut and no sense of adventure." "Domesticated or not, there's no pussy for you here." "Go find one someplace else." "You'll never feel truly safe with him, Kimber." "Matt'll be at my house at 7:00." "I'll get takeout." "Don't order for me." "I won't be there." " This is important, Christian." " Which is why he needs his parents there." "His real parents." "What happened to Mr. Hands-on-Dad?" "Threes don't work." "Some old customs are still around for good reason." "One wife, one husband, two parents." "It would help us to have you there." "He respects your opinion more than any of ours right now." "I've got an 8:30 lift with Quentin." "Make sure you don't drop the scalpel." "Our new partner plays for both teams." "You're joking." "How do you know?" "He made a pass at me last night." "Are you sure it was a pass?" "Could you have misconstrued something?" "I've never had a buddy try to snake his pinky... up my ass just for shits and giggles." "I knew there was something weird... about the way he was looking at me at that party." "Makes sense." "I think he's got a little man-crush on you." "On me?" "You're the one he tried to screw." "Somebody tell a good joke?" "No." "Just something I saw in the paper this morning." "Must have been a pretty funny article." " Yeah." " Yeah." "Did either of you read the article last week about... the Ohio State Supreme Court ruling that upheld a $6 million award... to a bisexual woman who accused the law offices where she was clerking... of turning her sexual practices into water-cooler gossip?" "It was a landmark case." "$6 million." "That sets a mother lode of a precedent, eh?" "Basically shut the firm down." "See you in surgery." "Oh, God." "Matt, where have you been?" "You were supposed to be here two hours ago." " You know, I must have lost track of time." " Matty, this is serious." "No, I'm sure it is, man, but my face is killing me... so maybe we can get together at the dysfunctional family Christmas party, huh?" "That's enough, Matt." "You've been drinking again?" "Yeah, just a couple of beers." "Who are you?" "I don't even recognize you anymore." "That's funny, because you all look so familiar to me." "Everything out of your mouth is some kind of snide smartass comment." "What's happened to you?" "Well... let's see." "In the past couple of months I've found out... that my dad's best friend is my real dad." "My old dad beat the crap out of my mom and threw her out of the house." "My parents ruined my relationship with the only woman I've ever loved... and then let it slip that not only was she a man... that one of them slept with her." "Is that enough or should I go on?" "We understand, Matt." "And that's why we've called this meeting." "To talk through your feelings about everything that's happened." "We know we screwed the pooch." "This is our chance to make it right." "To be a family again." "You want a family... you find someone sick enough to want one with you." "Now, listen." "You think you're a man?" "You want to hear it like a man?" "Your mother and I sacrificed everything for you." "She buried her dreams and I sold my soul to that business... so that we could provide you with the things we didn't have." "Don't tell me we've turned you into this." "We've given our lives for this family." "You don't have the right to walk out on it." "Watch me." " Matty, please." " Oh, God!" "No." "You wouldn't dare mess up your perfect work." "I already have." "No!" "Oh, my God!" "English"