"I believe in Norway." "I always said it's the best country in the world." "But those damn politicians has set up a refuge camp close to my house." "That was three months ago, and I haven't slept since." "The other afternoon I went over to them to tell them a thing or two." "I brought the dog." "I was polite and all, but they refused to turn down the music." "He started barking." "Broke his jaw." "I told the police but they don't do nothing." "Why did you go to the police?" "Why not come to me first?" "I know that I..." "But... that was before." " Before what ?" " Before I knew what kind of man you are." "Good." "Someday, and that day may never come I will call shovels of snow." "But, until that day comes accept this, as a gift." " We will looking to your problem." " Thank you." "We should get a joint christening gift for Johnny." "What do you think, my brother?" "No." "I'm knitting him a gift myself." "What the fuck?" "Is that not a bit feminine?" "There are plenty of men who knit now." "Who?" "Have you ever heard of Arne  Carlos?" "You are a cute little knitter." "Aunt Torgeir." "Aunt Torgeir?" ""I think you're so cute" Just kidding with you, you know." "Cheers!" "Cheers!" "One of the scandinavians told me something funny yesterday." "Why are all British chicks so fucking ugly?" "Because the vikings raped and kidnapped all the pretty ones." "For fuck sake lighten up will you I said I'm sorry, didn't I" "Should we stop for fuck cheer you up right lane fucking driving it's not natural" "You are now approaching Lillehammer" " So tell me godfather, we are set for tomorrow" " You bet your ass." "And you know what?" "We gonna sit on the front row, because I've bribed the church boss." "So we get front row" " Ringside?" " Yeah" " I love it." " Yeah" "And one more thing..." "I made this." "What's this?" ""Assburn and Assberg"?" "It's the name of your babies." "Asbjørn and Asbjørg." "What?" "Didn't Sigrid tell you about the names?" "My twins not gonna be know as the asstwins." "You should straighten things up." "I gotta to take this, boss." "Yes, Torgeir." ""Assburn"?" "Fucking hobos They don't respect for nothing!" "And stay out, you fucking bum" " Boss?" "What?" " What?" "What are you doing with the priest?" "What I do with what?" "He is the priest !" "Ohh Jesus Christ I'm sorry, your Excellency!" "I thought you just another homeless jerk-off stealing from God." "Do you want to go in and sit down?" " Is everything OK?" " Yes everything's fine." "He looked a bit dizzy, didn't he?" "He'll be alright." "How does that look...?" "A little further to the left." "Yes, there." "A little... a little further down." "Check that out, Yvonne." " You Dag?" " Yeah" " Duncan." "Which talked on the phone." "Wow!" "It is even cooler than the picture on the Internet." "Now?" "I have a client who is been looking for exactly this type of car." " And may I make myself clear about, no paperwork." " Yeah." "Yeah." "No paper work." "Customer..." "Oh the potential customer also prefer cash payment" "That's music to my ears, mate." "Hi there !" "Are you enjoying the Norway so far?" "Oh yeah." "This is wonderful as my first chlamydia." "Is that the reception?" "Fantastic location." "Quiet and calm." "There's our guy." "Right there" "Woah!" "Where do these refugees from?" "Ibiza?" "Hey!" "You have to turn down the music!" "Randi?" "Hi Jan!" "How nice." "It's been a long time." "I'm so close to sending a complaint to the Imigration Authority." "Are you aware that one of your residents attacked your neighbour's dog" "My god, that's so cruel." "Daddy's home!" "Have you missed me?" "What's the matter?" "You can't hear me." "Woah!" "Woah!" "Woah!" "What the fuck!" "Rules to live by..." "Always do exactly as you're told by the crazy fuck with gun in your face." "Ohh!" "And the Lillehammer canine society says hello." "It has been a little tough for me." "Trying to cope with the transition to the private sector." "Now the pieces fall into place." "Really?" "African salad." "I actually had a summer job working for the United Nations in Somalia in 2002." "Where you been?" "Manager needed some professional input." "You know, I thought these refugee stuff was all do-gooders, but there is business opportunities here, ha?" "Look in to it." "See if we can get in some action." "Ahh, look at you!" "Look at these guys, ha." "Bye, bye." "You know?" "This could be a bless in disguise." "Give us the chance to throw out the whole ass-name situation." " Good thinking ,boss." " Yes." "You know..." "Hello." "So..." "How are my future Olympics swimmers going?" "They kicking the other kids asses or what?" "Looks like "David Hasselhoff" over there trying to get score." "I stopped by to discuss the baby name crisis." "What name crisis ?" "Well sure you are aware of it, but..." "In my language ass prefix has an unfortunate connotation" "Maybe the priest doesn't like us?" "Come on..." "Everyone loves Johnny." "Listen, don't worry about a thing, alright." "Take care of our future gold medalists then we fight round two of the baby name game later." "Padre, you gotta a minute?" "Hear there has been some difficulty rescheduling date of baptism." "What's that about?" "You're still holding grudge what happened outside of the church." "It's straight." " I don't follow you father." " Come on..." "You're a bad influence in the city." "I can assure you, I had no part in that scenario." "I can see you had beef with me." "But it's not very christian taking out of kids." "I ain't bow my head to no god hang out with a hip hop hippie trying to be witted." "My god is a proud Catholic god." "He looks down on skateboards and gay hat-wear." "Sorry about all the drama, we didn't wanna spoiled the surprise." " Do you remember that little chat we had?" " Yeah." "Yeah well.." "Suddenly it hit me." "What if, he's right." "Maybe, I'm not contributing enough to the community?" "So..." "I got this idea." "We've built a ramp for you and the kids." "Only the best for my kids priest." " Are you hiding from me?" " No." "Well, I sincerely hope you got my Ferrari or pile cash lying around here somewhere." "Please, sit down." "I have some... not so good news." "I take my "not so good news" I take my blow jobs: stood up!" " You see..." "The car is stolen." " Stolen?" "Yeah, yeah, but all I need, is a signature on some papers..." "Paperwork really ain't my cup of tea." "Why don't you just take me to the gentleman whose borrowed my car." "I think it's about time me and him had a little bit chit-chat, don't you." "I am so sorry, we have issues with the professional secrecy here." " Do you know what I've issues with." " No." "Dishonesty." "I can't tolerate it." "Come here." "Correct." "Bang !" "" " Yes, this is my club." "Sorry"