"* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear the same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang, m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at the Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at the Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Saucy flappers in cloche hats" "* Natty chappies in white spats" "* The upper set is going bats" "You rang, m'lord?" "(Footsteps approaching)" "Hello, Mabel." "Why are you here on a Sunday?" "They called me in special." "They're having the bishop for lunch." "I thought only cannibals ate bishops." "You are a caution, Constable." "Help me take this washing in before they get back or Mrs Lipton will have a fit." "The neighbours can't see it here." "I know, but Mrs Lipton doesn't like the Almighty looking down on His Lordship's underpants on the Sabbath." "Any chance of a cup of tea, Mabel?" "It's more than my job's worth to touch Mrs Lipton's kettle." "Anyhow, they'll be back soon." "I'm surprised a God-fearing woman like you didn't go too." "I went with them once." "They made me sit at the back where they hand out the hymn books." "Then they docked me a whole hour's wages - thruppence." "You're not an atheist, are you, Mabel?" "I used to pray a lot but He didn't take a blind bit of notice, so I thought I'd give it a few years' rest and try again later." "When I'm nearer me time." "That is the last time I am going to that church." "It's only an hour and a half and it pleases Daddy." "Well, it does not please me, having to wear a skirt and this hat." "Oh, lord, there's Lavender." "I wish she wouldn't hang out of the window with her hair all over her face." "Sir, will you wait while I go through and open the door, or will you use your latchkey?" "What do you think, George?" " How long will it take?" " A few minutes, sir." "Been to church, have you?" "And so you should with the sort of life you lead!" "Hypocrites!" "They're all hypocrites, and that man, he's an adulterer!" "Do you hear, an adulterer!" "It looks a bit overcast." "We'll use the key." " They're all hypocrites!" " Stokes!" " Yes, m'lord?" " Send Ivy up to close the window." "Very good, m'lord." " Morning, Constable Wilson." " Morning." "I'll have the kettle on in two ticks." "A quick cup of tea and then I must get the joint in the oven." "Henry, take that hat off." "You look a fool in it." "Mr Twelvetrees and I want a word with you." "Not now." "Go and attend to Lady Lavender." " We'll have it out with you first." " You've put it off too often." " What are you doing about Mrs Lipton?" " What are you on about?" " She said you asked her to marry you." " You can't." "You're married to my mum." "She's making it up." "She's never got her nose out of the paper." " What about that ring you gave her?" " I never gave her a ring." "Yes, you did." "I've seen it." "It's a curtain ring." "Oh, that ring!" "Yeah, we were just larking about." "And she gave you L15 cash to pay the stamp duty on the divorce papers." "I've got a lot of financial problems." "You've no idea how worried I've been." "I always try and do my best by everybody, but I'm too easygoing." "People take advantage of me." "You're the one who takes advantage, leading her up the garden path." "If you don't tell her that you're not going to marry her, we will." "All right, I'll sort it out." "Just give me time." "You've got until tonight." "(Parrot) Come in." "(Lady Lavender) Oh, shut up." "Come in." "(Parrot) Oh, shut up." "Come in." " I've brought you a cup of cocoa." " Thank you, Ethel." "I'll shut the window so it doesn't get cold." " You look nice." " Thank you." "I'm going riding." "Riding?" "Ask the groom to bring my horse round." "We haven't got any horses." "Don't be absurd." "The stables are full of them." " I mustn't keep Captain Dolby waiting." " Who's Captain Dolby?" "A charming man." "Mother thinks he's setting his cap at me." "Oh, I do hope so." "I'm meeting him in Rotten Row at twelve o'clock." " Are you sure?" " But of course I'm sure." "There's the note he sent." " But this letter's dated 1885!" " What about it?" "It's 1927." "Oh." "I expect he's gone home by now." "It's 1927!" "Oh, I wonder if the neighbours know." "It's 1927!" "Lady Lavender..." "Your cocoa's getting cold." "I'm not surprised if you brought it up in 1885." "God, that's better." "I wish you wouldn't keep saying God, especially on a Sunday." "Why are you in your flying kit?" "You know the bishop's coming to lunch." "I'm taking the Tiger Moth up this afternoon." "Jolly bad form, wearing breeches on a Sunday." "I suppose it's good form to wear short skirts and show your stocking tops like Poppy." "I do not show my stocking tops!" "Girls, girls, please, not stocking tops!" "Not on a Sunday." "Jolly nice for the rest of the week." "Oh, I love it when you're naughty!" "Oh, really!" "The lord bishop, m'lord." "Oh, please, don't get up." "I hope I haven't kept you waiting." "I had a few parochial matters to discuss with your vicar." "Good of you to take the service this morning, Charles." "Don't mention it." "I scatter myself around the diocese as much as possible." "We've had more than our fair share of you today." "You may jest, but I will not apologise for the length of my sermon." "I'm sure in these days of moral decline, there is no more important subject than the sanctity of marriage." " Hear, hear." " Sir Ralph Shawcross is here, sir." " I've put him in the study." " Oh, God!" "I'm so sorry." "Excuse me." " What's he come round for?" " I've no idea, sir." " Didn't you tell him I wasn't at home?" " He followed you from church, sir." "Has he got a horse whip with him?" "Not unless he has it concealed about his person, sir." "You know what a terrible temper he has." "Perhaps it would be as well if you stayed in the room just in case." "How do you wish me to occupy myself, sir?" "Dust the books." "Ah, so you are at home after all." "How dare you read my private papers!" "That's my electricity bill." "Don't use much, do you?" "Do you send them all to bed at sunset?" "Make them use candles?" "I'd be much obliged if you would state your business and go." " Not in front of your butler." "He's a villain." " He's got to dust the books." "Does he have to do it on Sunday morning at half past twelve?" "He always dusts the books on Sunday morning at half past twelve." "In point of fact, it's 25 to one." "He's late." "It doesn't look as though he did them last week." "That is none of your business." "I'm not going to have my household routine altered by you." " Now, what do you want?" " I'm not going to beat about the bush." "Be quiet." "Will you keep your voice down?" "I've got the bishop in the drawing room." " Who were you with last night?" " What?" "Who...were...you...with..." "last...night?" "That sounded like some damned music hall turn." " Answer my question." " If you must know, I was dining at home." " I don't believe you." " Ask Stokes." "I certainly don't believe him." "Where were you at 7:30 last Tuesday evening?" "(Coughing)" "Look, I refuse to be cross-questioned by you standing behind my own desk." "If you don't answer my questions, I shall tell the bishop everything!" "If you must know, I was at a banquet at the Mansion House." "Oh, yes, Worshipful Company of Fornicators." "No, Worshipful Company of Tin Plate Workers and Wire Pullers." "Ask the Prince of Wales." "He was there." "Don't be sarcastic with me, Meldrum." "If I may interrupt, sir, this is the invitation." "Oh, my God, it's true." "My wife is seeing another man." "Agatha?" "Surely not!" "Oh, you don't know her." "No, no, of course I don't." "It's the Peruvian blood in her family." " Really?" " Yes, on her mother's side." " She goes right back to the Incas." " Oh, poor girl." "I had to keep my eye on her in Hong Kong, and on the boat coming back." "Oh, it's not her fault." "Men just won't leave her alone." "(Whimpering)" "Oh, my God...." "How much longer am I going to have to put up with this?" " Stokes, a glass of whisky for Sir Ralph." " I do love her so much!" "I'm most terribly sorry, old boy." "Terribly sorry." "Don't patronise me, Meldrum!" "When I find out who it is, I'll kill him." "I'll kill her too." "If I can't have her, no one else will." "Yes, well, it's almost time for lunch." "I must get back to the bishop and you must get back to your..." "lunch." "How can I think about lunch, when, somewhere, out there in London, there's a swine carrying on with my wife?" "Yes, well, Stokes will see you out." "Good day." " A little more whisky, sir?" " Oh..." "Is your mind at rest now, sir?" "No, it isn't." "I still don't trust him." "I can assure you, sir, in the strictest confidence, that any relationship his lordship has with the opposite sex is only platonic." " What do you mean?" " As they say in France," ""L'amour est fini."" " What?" " It was the war, sir." "He caught it." "In the artillery." "Oh, my God!" "Not the breech block?" "No, sir, shrapnel." "Oh, how dreadful!" "Poor chap." "It's not affected his voice." "Indeed not, sir." "This way, please." "Oh..." "A little more sherry, m'lord?" "No, thank you." "I've had my ration." "Oh, well, perhaps a tiny drop." "Was that your mother-in-law I saw peering out of an upstairs window?" "No, definitely not." "It was probably the daily woman." "Well, whoever it was was very concerned that we should know that it was 1927." "No, it couldn't be Lavender." "She's spending much of the time in bed." "She's getting very frail, you know?" "Any booze going?" " A little sherry, m'lady?" " No." "A big gin." " Are you going riding, Lavender?" " I was... but I'm 42 years too late." " Wait." " Sir." "Come and sit down, Granny." "Morning, everybody." "Sorry to butt in like this." "I just want to say, Meldrum, that damn war was a beastly business." "You have my sympathy." "Good day." " What was all that about, George?" " I've really no idea." "Good day, sir." " What the hell were you talking about?" " I'm sorry I misjudged you, Meldrum." "None of this will go any further." "I don't mind you seeing my wife from time to time." "I don't even mind you giving her the odd peck on the cheek." "It's the least I can do." "Goodbye, Charles." "What on earth was all that about?" "I think Sir Ralph has a lot of problems on his mind, sir." "(Mabel) I've done all the washing-up." " Is there anything else?" " No." "That'll be all, Mabel." "Well, if you're having your lunch, I'll be off, then." " Roast beef, is it?" " Yes, Mabel, it's roast beef." "I can't remember the last time I had roast beef." "You're very generous with your helpings, Mr Stokes." "We must finish it up." "I can't bear to see good food go to waste." "Well..." " I'll be off now, then." " You've already said that once, Mabel." "Don't forget those chicken pieces I said you could have, the ones I made the soup from yesterday." " That'll be nice." " They're in the pan." "You can take that as well." "The handle's coming off." "Oh, and you can take the kipper skins left over from breakfast for your cat." "Thank you very much, Mrs Lipton." "Kipper skins, chicken bits and an old pan with the handle coming off." "My husband'll think it's Christmas." "Always on the scrounge, that woman." "And so ungrateful when you do give her anything." "I saw her washing the milk bottles out to put in her rice pudding." "She'll have to go." "She lowers the tone of the kitchen." "Whose idea was it to give Lady Lavender chocolate pudding?" "I had to promise her chocolate pudding to get her into her room." "Why did you give her so much?" "Half of it's gone on the wallpaper." "Scrape it off with a knife." "Mrs Lipton can give it to Mabel." "Sit down and have your dinner before it gets cold." "I haven't had this wine before, have I, Mr Stokes?" "No." "It's new." "I was getting bored with the Margaux." "To tell you the truth, so was I." "Cheval Blanc..." "It's quite nice." "Do you know that wine you filch from his lordship's cellar cost nearly L2 a bottle?" "What do you think he'd say if he knew?" "He'd be glad we changed from the Margaux." "That cost four quid." "Well, here's to Mr Teddy's wedding." "And any other wedding that could be taking place in the near future." " What other wedding, Mrs Lipton?" " You'll know soon enough, Constable." "A nod's as good as a wink, eh, Mr Stokes?" "(Chuckling nervously)" "Did you hear them mention the date at lunch, Ivy?" "No." "Mr Teddy kept changing the subject." "Still, he could do worse." "The Cartwright family are rolling in money." "Yeah." "She's the sole heir to the Cartwright empire." "Cartwright's soap, Cartwright's marmalade." "And pickled onions." "You can't go into a fish-and-chip shop without seeing a big jar of Cartwright's pickled onions." "Speaking for myself, I think they put too much spice in 'em." "I'll mention it next time I answer the door to Miss Cartwright." "(Tentative strumming)" "* Sweet...see her..." "* Coming down the street" "* Now, I ask you... *" " (Twanging)" " Oh, no." "That's wrong." "* Now, I ask you... *" " (Knock on door)" " Blast!" "Come in." "Mr Jerry returned your tennis racket, Miss Poppy." "You left it in his car." "Oh, thank you, James." " * Now, I ask you... * - (Twanging)" "Oh, hang!" "I can't get this chord right." " May I show you, miss?" " Oh, can you play it?" "Just a little, yes." "The fingers go like this." " Show me." " Oh." "* Ain't she sweet?" "* See her coming down the street" "* Now, I ask you very confidentially" "* Ain't she sweet?" "*" "That was marvellous, James!" "Where did you learn to play?" "It was during the war." "Now, if you'll excuse me..." "No, don't go." "I want you to show me how that chord goes." "Yes, well, the first finger goes there, second finger there and third finger there." "Oh, I see." "Like..." " That?" " No." "First finger there... second finger there, third finger there." "Like this." "I tell you what, you do the left hand and I'll do the plinkety plonk." "Oh!" "Dropping it." "Hold it for me, James." " Ready?" " Yes, miss." " This is marvellous!" "Let's sing it!" " Right." "One, two, three, four." "* Ain't she sweet" "* See her coming down the street" "* Now, I ask you very confidentially" "* Ain't she sweet?" "* Ain't she nice?" "* Look her over once or twice" "* Now, I ask you very confidentially" "* Ain't she nice?" "* Just cast an eye in her direction" "* Oh, me, oh, my, ain't that perfection?" "* I repeat, don't you think it's kind of neat" "* Now, I ask you very confidentially," "* Ain't she sweet?" "*" "That was wonderful." "We should go on the halls, Meldrum and Twelvetrees." "We should indeed, miss." " Will you teach me properly?" " Of course, Miss Poppy." "I'm a duffer, so we'd have to spend time together." "You wouldn't mind spending time with me, would you, James?" "Well, I do have my duties to attend to, miss." "What do you do on your afternoon off?" " Sometimes I go to the cinema." " Oh, I love the pictures!" "Take me to the pictures, James." "It wouldn't be proper for us to be seen together." "We could meet inside in the dark." "No one would know." "We'll do it on Wednesday." " No, I couldn't do that, miss." " Why not?" "Well, because I'm..." "I'm going with someone else." "Who?" "Er..." "I..." "Ivy." "Well, if you prefer to go to the pictures with a maid there's no more to be said." "You may go." "Blast!" "* What'll I do" "* When you are far away" "* And I am blue?" "* What'll I do?" "*" " You'd look very nice in it, Ivy." " Oh, I'm sorry, miss!" "I was tidying up and I got carried away." "It's all right, Ivy." "Well, it's a lovely dress." "I've never seen you wear it before." "You always wear trousers." "Not all the time." "What I wear depends on the mood I'm in." "It doesn't matter what mood I'm in." "I've only got two dresses, a light and a dark one." "I've got lots of things I never wear." "Let's have a look." "I don't want this tennis dress." "Would you like it?" "Oh, I don't play tennis." "Oh, no, of course you don't." "What do you do?" "Run up and down the stairs all day, waiting on people hand and foot." "You've already got the right dress for that." "I must find you something." "How about this afternoon dress?" "You have afternoons off, don't you?" " Yes, once a fortnight." " What do you do?" " Go to the pictures." " With a boyfriend?" "No." " Is there nobody you've got a crush on?" " Well, yes, there is." " Who?" " I don't like to say." " Do I know him?" " Yes." " Does he work in the house?" " Yes." " It's not Henry, is it?" " Of course not, miss!" " Then it must be James." " Yes." "He's lovely." "Mind you, he's ever so strict and stern, but I like that in a man." "Don't you?" "No, not really." "Does he know how you feel about him?" "Well, yes, I think so." "I keep dropping hints, but I'm afraid he doesn't reciprocate my affections." " He only has eyes for one person." " Yes, I know." "My sister." "If you don't mind my saying so, Miss Cissy, and I know it's not my place, but Miss Poppy leads him on." "Yes, I know." "Be careful, Ivy." "She can be very spiteful." "There you are, Ivy." "I've been ringing." "I might have known you'd be with Cissy." "I was just giving her one of my old dresses." " There you are, Ivy." " Oh, thanks ever so much, Miss Cissy!" " Oh, it's lovely!" " You'll need to take it up a bit." " And let it out quite a lot." " I shall wear it on Wednesday afternoon." "To the pictures?" "With James?" " Eh?" " James is taking you to the pictures." "Have you forgotten?" "Don't stand there with your mouth open." "Bring a pot of tea to my room." "Yes, Miss Poppy." "Mr Twelvetrees, look at this dress that Miss Cissy's given me." " lsn't it lovely?" " Very nice, Ivy." " Do you think it suits me?" " It's a little flamboyant for a servant." "We must remember our station and dress accordingly." "Well, I'm going to wear it on Wednesday afternoon." " Oh, yes?" " Will you mind?" " I don't see it's any concern of mine, Ivy." " What are we going to see?" "Oh, there's Greta Garbo and John Gilbert in Flesh And The Devil." "Oh, and Ronald Colman and Vilma Bánky in Night of Love, or we can go and see something funny," "Charles Ray and Harry C Myers in Getting Gertie's Garter." "I think Ronald Colman would be best." "He's my favourite." "After Rin Tin Tin, of course." "You look a bit like him." "Ronald Colman, not Rin Tin Tin." "There's been some mistake." "I'm not taking you to the cinema." "Oh..." "Miss Poppy said you were." "Oh, I see." "Well, for reasons I don't wish to go into, Ivy," "I had to tell Miss Poppy I had an engagement on my afternoon off, and when she questioned me, I said I was taking you to the cinema." "It was the best excuse I could think of at the time." "After all, I couldn't say I was taking Mrs Lipton, could I?" " I see." " I'm sorry if you've been misled." "That's all right." " Do you want a cup of tea, Ivy?" " No, thanks." " Are you all right, Ivy?" " Of course I am." "Have you been crying?" " No, I haven't." " Your cheeks are wet." "I've just splashed my face at the sink." "There's something wrong." "Go on, you can tell me." "We're friends." "I'm..." "I'm cross, that's all." "You're not cross with me, are you?" "No, of course not." "No, it's..." "It's James." "He's always upsetting you." "One of these days, I'll hit him." "Oh, it's not his fault." "He had to make an excuse to Miss Poppy." "He said he was taking me to the pictures and I thought he was." " Are you disappointed?" " Of course I am." "I love going to the pictures anyway, but going with James would be...just heaven." " I'll take you if you like." " Oh, Henry..." "I've only got sixpence so we'll have to sit in the thruppenies down the front, and they're at the side, so everyone looks long and thin." "Oh, Henry... (James) Ivy?" "Ah, there you are, Ivy." "Henry, go and wake Mrs Lipton." "It's time for her to get the tea ready." "Yes, Mr Twelvetrees." "Ivy, it occurred to me that I might have upset you." "No." "No, I'm all right." "I've been thinking very hard since our last conversation." "I always pride myself I try to do the right thing in life." "I told Miss Poppy I was taking you to the cinema, so I will go through with it and accompany you." "I'm aware of your feelings for me, Ivy, and I don't want you to think this is any form of encouragement." " It is a visit to the cinema." "Understood?" " Yes, Mr Twelvetrees." " Nothing more." " Yes, Mr Twelvetrees." "You dropped your dress." " Oh, thank you." " I'm sure you'll look very nice in it." " Oh, you won't wear lipstick, will you?" " No, of course not." "(Mouthing)" " Ah!" "What is it?" " There's someone here to see you, sir." " Who?" " (Whispering) Lady Agatha." " What?" " Lady Agatha." " Who's that?" " It's all right." "Don't wake the bishop." " Where is she?" " In the dining room, sir." " Agatha." " George... (Both) Oh..." "Are you all right, George?" "Yes, of course I am." "Ralph is behaving in a very peculiar fashion." "He said he didn't mind you seeing me from time to time and giving me the odd peck on the cheek because you were wounded, in the artillery." "I wasn't in the artillery." "I was in the infantry." "Were you wounded?" "You know jolly well I wasn't." "You'd have seen the scars." "I wouldn't." "You always want the light out." "Well, that's just to save electricity." "We had very heavy bills recently." "Ralph said something about that too." "And he said, did I think you had a squeaky voice?" " What did you say?" " No." " Quite right." " I'm worried about him, George." "Do you think he's having a nervous breakdown?" "I must say, he behaved very strangely when he came to see me this morning." "He mumbled something about your having an affair." " With you." " No, with someone else." " He didn't say who, did he?" " No." " You're not, are you?" " Of course not." "Besides, there wouldn't be time." "Anyhow, what woman of my age would want to carry on with a man 20 years younger than herself?" "Ralph never mentioned him being 20 years younger." "Well...they always are, aren't they?" "Yes, I suppose so." " I think it's disgusting." " Oh, absolutely." "I'd much rather have a man 20 years older, like you." "Seventeen, actually." "Agatha, I think I ought to tell you that if I did find out you were having an affair with another man, apart from your husband and me," "I could get...very dangerous." "Oh, George... how could I possibly want any other man beside you?" "You're magnificent." "Now, give me that peck on the cheek Ralph said we could have." "(Knock on door)" "Henry has cleaned your evening shoes, sir." "Those shoes should have been cleaned this morning." "He was unable to clean them this morning." "There was no sour milk." "On occasion, I've used fresh milk." "It works perfectly well." "Have you taken leave of your senses, James?" "You cannot clean patent leather shoes with fresh milk!" "It has to be milk that's gone off." "Working-class people may clean their shoes with fresh milk." "They probably wear made-up bow ties with their dinner jackets." "We have to set certain standards, otherwise the whole fabric of society will crumble." " I'm very sorry, sir." " I should think you are." "Now, buzz off." "I want to speak to Stokes." "Now, Stokes, I want to ask your advice, and it's very confidential." "You can rely on my discretion, sir." "I'm in a dashed pickle." "My brother's making me marry Madge Cartwright and I can't put it off much longer." " Shouldn't you go through with it, sir?" " I can't." "I'm in love with her maid, Rose." "Listen." "I've been giving the old grey matter a bit of a thrashing, and I've come up with an ingenious wheeze." "Oh, really, sir?" "What?" "I'll have a duplicate of Madge's wedding dress made with a very thick veil." "Just before the wedding, I want you to go to Limehouse and engage two Chinamen." " Is that clear so far?" " Very clear." "On the day of the wedding, they will waylay Madge, put a chloroform pad on her face and chuck her in a ditch." "On second thoughts, they leave her in the car." " What about the driver, sir?" " Chloroform him as well." "That's why you need two Chinamen." "Right here, Stokes." "I've thought it out." "Rose arrives at the church and she's wearing the heavy veil." "I marry her and no one can do a thing about it." "Those whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder and all that tosh." "Well, what do you think?" "I think perhaps you've been reading too much PG Wodehouse, sir." "Certainly not!" "I can't stand him." "That character Bertie Wooster with his monocle and stutter is an idiot." "You don't get p-p-people like that in real life." " Well, are you game?" " I could be persuaded, sir, if you're prepared to spend your honeymoon on Dartmoor doing hard labour." " Oh, why?" " Kidnapping is a very serious offence." "Oh, hang..." "Oh, well, that's it, then." "You're so bally clever." "You think of something." "If you take my advice, sir, you'll marry Miss Cartwright and forget about Rose." "I can never forget her." "At least I can take her out on a day off." "Be very careful, sir." "If you're seen out with her, tongues will wag." "Don't worry, where I take her, no one can see us." " There's your bottle, Ivy." " Thanks, Mrs Lipton." " Good night, all." " Good night, Mrs Lipton." " Good night." " Good night, Henry." "Dad, have you told Mrs Lipton you're not going to marry her yet?" "I'll pop in her room on my way up." "Well don't take an hour and a half like last night." " I know what's going on." " She's a lonely woman, Ivy." "You can't begrudge her a bit of company." "What about Mum?" "I've locked up for the night, Mr Stokes." "Good night, Mr Twelvetrees." "(James) Good night, Ivy." " Good night, Dad." " Good night, Ivy." "I hear you're taking my daughter to the pictures on Wednesday." "That's right." "I trust you'll keep your hands to yourself." "How dare you?" "!" "Don't judge other people's morals by your own." "On the subject of morals, have you spoken to Mrs Lipton?" " I'm just about to do it now." " You'd better." "If that woman isn't in tears at breakfast, I shall want to know why." "You're a hard man, James Twelvetrees." "The truth never hurt anyone." "Well, if it's the truth you want, I'll give it to you." "You've got a gravy stain on your dicky." "Just a minute." " Who is it?" " Who do you think it is?" "Come in, Alf." "Is that a bottle of port you've got there?" "No, brandy." " Are we celebrating?" " I'm afraid not, Blanche." " There's a problem over the divorce." " Oh, no." "Not another one." "How much longer have I got to go on waiting and waiting?" "I'm sorry, Blanche." "It's the wife." "She's changed her mind." "Oh." "Why does she keep on clinging to you when she doesn't want you any more?" "Why can't she let you go so that you can...get married and...and live in eternal bliss?" "Well, that's women for you." " Er...some women." " Did you hear this from your solicitor?" " Yes, this morning." " But there's no post." " I rang up." " But it's Sunday." "I rang his home." "We were at school together." " Oh, well, he did better than you." " He's very clever, a dab hand at learning." "I thought you said you were in the army together." "Well, we were." "First we were at school together and then we were in the army." "That's why I know him so well and can ring him on a Sunday." "Oh, well..." "Well, I don't think he's handled this matter at all well." "Tomorrow, we'll go and see his lordship and ask for the day off and we'll both go and see your wife." " No, we can't!" " Why not?" "She's not at home." "She's travelling with the circus." "She's not still on the trapeze, is she?" "I mean, she must be my age." "She doesn't fly through the air any more." "She's a catcher." "Very strong." "She hangs upside down and says, "Allez-up!" Then she catches them." "What are you looking at me like that for?" "There's something not quite right here, Alf." "You've had L7 4 out of me and I've got nothing to show for it." "Well, I'll give you a receipt." "Now, see here, Alf." "I'm a very kind and a very tolerant woman." " Oh, you are, Blanche." " Don't interrupt." "If I find that you've taken advantage of my trusting nature, you'll see my other side, and, believe me, it is not a pretty sight." " I can imagine." " And may I remind you that getting money out of people by false pretences is a criminal offence." "I'll see you in the morning, Alf." "Good night." "Good night, Blanche." "Where is that girl?" "We'll be late." "Oh, sorry to have kept you waiting, but Miss Cissy lent me this hat and coat." "Aren't they lovely?" "Very nice." "Come on." "We'll miss the start of the film." "You look lovely, Ivy." "I hope you enjoy the film." "Thanks, Henry." " Ivy..." " Yes, Henry?" "I'm glad everything turned out all right." " Oh, thanks, Henry." " (James) Come along, Ivy!" "Coming." "(James) I told you we'd be late." "The film's started." "Never mind." "We can see it round again." "We can't." "We have to get back to serve dinner." "Oh, look!" "There's a man behind the door with a knife!" " Sit down, Ivy!" " Why don't they turn round?" " Sit down!" " Yes, Mr Twelvetrees." "I don't want you jumping up and down and getting excited." " No, Mr Twelvetrees." " Stop calling me Mr Twelvetrees." "It sounds absurd." "You may call me James, just for the afternoon." "Oh, thank you, Mr T..." "James." "When the interval comes round, can I have an ice cream?" "We'll see." "Now, sit still and be quiet." "What a bally shame." "No room in the back row." "It doesn't matter." "We can see better from there." "Mr James, what's come over you?" "!" "It's Mr Teddy and Rose." "I don't want him to see me out with you." "It's very bad for my position in the household." "Are you going to stay like this all the time?" "No, just until they've settled down." "I don't mind a bit." "What's that perfume you've got on?" "A Night In Paris." " Is it cheap?" " Yes, sixpence for a great big bottle." "Marvellous." "It blends beautifully with the carbolic soap." "Oh, no!" " What's the matter?" "!" " It's Lady Agatha with a young man." "So it is!" "lsn't he gorgeous!" "She mustn't know we've seen her." "Then I'd better come down with you." "Are we too close to the screen?" "Yes, we are a bit." "Never mind, we haven't come to see the picture, have we?" "If you ask me, them toffs are all the same." "They've got the morals of alley cats." "You know all about morals, don't you?" "You're in the Metropolitan Police." "It's not right for Lady Agatha to go kissing and cuddling that young man." "Somebody ought to tell Lord Meldrum." "What's it got to do with him?" "He's not married to her." "Oh, no, he's not, is he?" "I get so confused with all these goings-on." "We shouldn't jump to conclusions." "All we actually saw was one little kiss." "That's because we were under the seats." "What were you doing under the seats?" "Mr Twelvetrees didn't want Lady Agatha to know we'd seen her." "Well, in my opinion, Lord Meldrum's got no right to carry on with Lady Agatha." "It's awful that Mr Teddy's engaged to Madge Cartwright and carrying on with her maid." "Well, Ivy, men were deceivers ever." "lsn't that right, Mr Stokes?" "It depends how you look at it." "The way I look at it is right's right and wrong's wrong." "That's very profound, Mrs Lipton." "If everybody thought as you do, there'd be no crime and I'd be out of a job." "And we'd save a lot in cherry cake." "Morning." "Morning." "I must say, I was very angry with Stokes telling Sir Ralph I was wounded in the...war and couldn't, um... wasn't able to, um..." "You know." "Well, I'd be annoyed too if it was me." "I wouldn't like people making jokes about that behind my back." "Stokes only told Sir Ralph, so nothing to worry about." "I mean, before he left, Ralph stood in my hall, grasped me by the hand and said, "I promise you, none of this will go any farther."" "It's turned out damned handy." "I can see Agatha any time I want." "Does she go to the cinema a lot?" "I don't think so." "I don't know." " Has she got a son?" " No." "That's funny." "I saw her at the cinema with a young boy." " What, a little boy?" " No, a jolly big boy." "With a moustache." " Hello, Meldrum." " Oh, hello, Barker." " Keeping well, all things considered?" " Yes, in the pink." "This is embarrassing but I've got to say it." "Oh, yes?" "You remember a while ago, I got shirty and said some unpleasant things, you know, about you seeing too much of my wife?" " I told you there was nothing in it." " I realise that now." "I've just heard a bunch of chaps talking about what happened to you in the war." "That's why I came to apologise." "It's a terrible thing." "A terrible thing." "Sorry." "Hear that, Teddy?" "It's all round London!" "What will people think?" "They'll think, "Ah, that's why his mistress goes to the cinema" ""with a young boy with a moustache."" "Ripped by malgabo Sync by sutyiboy" "* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear the same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at the Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at the Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Talking flicks are here today" "* And Lindbergh's from the USA" "* Poor Valentino's passed away..." "How sad, m'lord."