"HOT-ASS GIRLS COMING TO THE HOUSE," "AND THEN I HAVE RAMONA, THE GIRL THAT I WAS WAITING" "TO GO ON A DOUBLE DATE WITH WITH PAULY." "SO YOU DON'T WANNA COME TONIGHT?" " NO." " I DON'T KNOW IF ANY MAN WOULD HAVE MADE THIS DECISION." "HEY." "I GO WITH THE GIRL THAT'S BEEN KEEPING ME WAITING." "YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO KEEP THINGS INTERESTING." " VINNY'S GIRL IS ONE OF THE HOTTEST GIRLS" "I'VE SEEN IN MIAMI, DEFINITELY." "YOU DON'T WANNA LEAVE A CHICK LIKE THAT BY HERSELF." " I SEE MIKE TALKING TO RAMONA," "AND HE KIND OF, LIKE, PULLS A LITTLE BIT OF THE ROBBERY." " MIKE WAS GOING TO EVERYONE, LIKE, "TIME TO GO."" " THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE LEAVING." "[Get Crazy by LMFAO] - ¶ GET CRAZY ¶" " DJ PAULY DELVECCHIO!" " I'M GOING TO JERSEY SHORE, BITCH!" " ALL RIGHT, WE GOT A SITUATION." " ¶ GET CRAZY ¶" " I'M THE SWEETEST BITCH YOU'LL EVER MEET." " [laughing]" " AFTER I HAVE SEX WITH A GUY, I WILL RIP THEIR HEADS OFF." " GO, VINNY!" "GO, VINNY!" " UM, HELLO!" " ¶ IF YOU WANNA HAVE FUN, THEN DO SOMETHING CRAZY ¶ [dance music]" " WE'RE AT THE CLUB." "WE'RE DANCING." "WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME." "AND MIKE IS SITTING THERE, LIKE, ALL BORED." "SO THEN HE COMES UP TO ME." "HE'S LIKE, "WE GOTTA GO."" "AND I'M LIKE, "MY BEST FRIEND IS HERE." "WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME." "I'M NOT LEAVING."" "AND HE'S LIKE, "NO, WE'RE LEAVING." "LET'S GO."" "[bleep] YELL AT ME" "WHEN I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME WITH MY BEST FRIEND!" "MY [bleep] BEST FRIEND IS HERE!" "DON'T TELL ME TO [bleep] LEAVE!" " YO, LET'S GET THE [bleep] OUT OF HERE, BRO." " DUDE, MIKE IS A [bleep] DOUCHE BAG." " YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND." "AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN AMAZING TIME TOGETHER," "AND HE [bleep] RUINED IT." " NO, HE DIDN'T." " HE DID." " HOW DID HE RUIN IT?" "WE'RE STILL HERE." " TOLD ME TO [bleep] GO HOME AND SLAPPED ME IN MY CHEEK." ""OH, LET'S GO HOME."" " SO?" "WE'RE STILL HERE." "WE CAN STILL GO BACK TO THE HOUSE." "WE CAN STILL HAVE FUN." " WHERE AM I GOING?" " THIS IS THE PH" "THIS IS THE PHONE THAT I WAITED THREE HOURS FOR YOU TO CALL AT." "I LIKE THE GIRLS THAT ARE HARD TO GET." "AND THAT'S WHAT RAMONA IS." "THESE OTHER GIRLS CALLED, BUT I WAS LIKE," ""NO, I'M GONNA HANG OUT WITH HER."" "I DON'T WANT THE GIRLS THAT ARE COMING UP TO ME," "I WANT THE GIRLS THAT ARE UP THERE THAT EVERY GUY WANTS." "THAT'S MY BED, SEE?" " MM-HMM." " THIS BED IS VERY COMFORTABLE." " [laughing]" " YOU NEED PAJAMAS?" " YES, PLEASE." " CAN I BE YOUR PAJAMAS?" " YEAH." " WEAR ME." " [laughing]" " WEAR ME." " YEAH." "I WOULD NEVER CLASSIFY RAMONA AS A D.T.F. GIRL," "BUT AT THE SAME TIME, YOU KNOW," "RAMONA IS, UH" "YOU KNOW, WE ARE ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER," "SO YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN." "IT'S HOT IN HERE." "IS IT HOT HERE, OR IS IT JUST ME?" " IT'S..." "JUST YOU RIGHT NOW." "[sultry music]" "¶ ¶ [mellow music]" "¶ ¶" " ME AND SNOOKS GOT INTO AN ARGUMENT THE NIGHT BEFORE." "SHE DOESN'T REALLY HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD AT ME." "SHE SHOULD KNOW THAT" "I'M JUST ROUNDING UP EVERYBODY LIKE I NORMALLY DO." "BUT I DON'T WANT SOMEBODY TO BE MAD AT ME OR WHAT HAVE YOU." "SO ONCE I TALK TO HER, IT SHOULD BE OKAY." "SNOOKI..." "I WANNA APOLOGIZE, SNOOKI." "I WAS IN A BAD MOOD YESTERDAY." "AND I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE BY YOURSELF YESTERDAY" "'CAUSE YOU WERE DRUNK." "YOU KNOW" " WHEN WAS I BY MYSELF?" "I WAS WITH MY BEST FRIEND ALL NIGHT." " I-I KNOW, BABE." " AND YOU TOLD ME TO LEAVE THE CLUB." " BECAUSE" " AND I WAS HAVING A GREAT TIME." " I APOLOGIZE." " MIKE, DON'T EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN," "BECAUSE I WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN." " AND I APOLOGIZE, BABE." "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" "FOR REAL." " I KNOW." "IT'S JUST" " ALL RIGHT, SO ACCEPT MY APOLOGIES--I HAD A BAD NIGHT." " I AM!" "I AM!" "I'M ACCEPTING YOUR APOLOGY," "BUT IT JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE," "AND I WAS JUST LIKE, "EW, MIKE," LIKE..." " LIKE" " I HAD A BAD DAY, BABY." "I'M SORRY." "[smooches]" " DON'T DO IT AGAIN." " I PROMISE." " [giggles] STOP!" " YOU ACCEPT MY APOLOGY?" " YES!" "FOR MIKE TO ADMIT THAT HE WAS WRONG," "YOU KNOW, THAT'S FINE WITH ME-- THAT'S ALL I WANTED." "SO I WILL TAKE THAT." "APOLOGY ACCEPTED." " OKAY." "[Snooki laughing]" " I'M GONNA WALK YOU OUT." " ALL RIGHT." "ARE YOU READY?" " YEAH." "RAMONA IS EVERYTHING I LOOK FOR IN A GIRL." "LIKE, WE ARE JUST CONNECTED TO EACH OTHER." "CAN'T KEEP OUR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER," "CAN'T STOP KISSING HER," "AND AT THIS POINT, I'M A LITTLE POT-COMMITTED" "AND CAUGHT SOME FEELINGS FOR HER" "AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH." " VIN, ARE YOU GOING TO THE GYM WITH RON?" " MM-MM." "I'M ON NO SLEEP WHATSOEVER." " DID YOU SMASH?" " WHAT?" " YOU DID." " SHUT UP." " YOU DID, YOU LITTLE S" " I REALLY LIKE HER A LOT." "I LIKE HER MORE THAN ANY GIRL I'VE MET." " GOOD FOR YOU." " FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO CAN SEE" "MY TYPE OF GIRL THAT I WOULD WIFE UP." " LIKE, YOU THINK YOU'RE IN LOVE?" " NAH, I DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT." " [laughing]" " THE SUN'S VERY POWERFUL TODAY." " [chuckles]" " HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU HAVE?" " MY CAB'S GONNA BE HERE AT 4:00." " I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE." " WE GOTTA HURRY UP." "WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME." " [gasps] OH, YEAH." " MAH!" " RYDER'S HERE, AND I'M SAD THAT SHE'S LEAVING." " SNOOKI!" " AHH!" "YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND." "YOU MADE OUR WEEKEND." "THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE." " WE BOTH APPRECIATE IT." " I LOVE RYDER." "SHE'S MY HEART." "SHE'S MY SOUL." "SHE'S LIKE MY OTHER HALF." "SHE'S MY SISTER." "SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND." " MY LITTLE NUGGET!" " [crying]" " I GO CRAZY IN THIS HOUSE LIVING WITH NUT JOBS," "I JUST NEED SOMEBODY FROM BACK HOME" "TO BOUNCE ME BACK AND BE LIKE, "YOU'RE OKAY."" " BYE." " [crying] I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE JUST LEFT ME." " JUST MAKES YOU APPRECIATE YOUR REAL GIRLFRIENDS." " MAKES ME APPRECIATE HOME." " GONNA MAKE ME CRY." "I HATE SEEING YOU LIKE THIS." " I HAVE FUN WHEN I'M AT HOME" "WITH MY [bleep] REAL PEOPLE." " WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?" " DUDE, I WANNA GO BACK HOME RIGHT NOW." " I'M VERY CONCERNED." "I DON'T WANT THIS GIRL TO LEAVE." "WE ARE THE CLOSEST PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE TOGETHER," "AND SHE FEELS JUST AS MUCH AS I DO" "THAT IF ONE OF US LEFT," "WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT." "IT SUCKS, BUT IF SHE LEFT, I PROBABLY WOULD TOO." " I WANNA BE HOME RIGHT NOW." " DON'T COME OVER TO SOMEBODY'S HOUSE AT 5:00 A.M." "AND EXPECT TO WATCH-- AND PLAY CHECKERS." " I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT CHECKERS, OLD MAN." "[tranquil music]" "¶ ¶" " SEEING RYDER MAKES ME APPRECIATE MY GIRLFRIENDS." " I'M SORRY." "I FEEL LIKE [bleep] RIGHT NOW." " DO YOU WANNA GO TANNING?" " WHAT'S UP?" "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "RYDER LEFT?" "IS THAT WHY YOU'RE UPSET?" " VINNY WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU." " YOU'RE GONNA SEE HER IN A WEEK, SNOOK." " YEAH." "I'M SORRY I'M BEING RIDICULOUS, BUT I MISS MY HOMETOWN," "AND I MISS MY FAMILY." " I KNOW." " THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT I TRUST IN THIS HOUSE" "ARE YOU, PAULY, AND JENNI." " GOOD." "WE'RE HERE FOR YOU TOO." " I LOVE YOU." " I LOVE YOU TOO." " HE'S LIKE MY BIG BROTHER." "I LOVE HIM." "BUT YOU USUALLY DON'T HAVE SEX WITH YOUR BIG BROTHER." " IT'LL BE OKAY." "[surf rock music]" "¶ ¶" " MIKE WILL PARK ANYWHERE." "MIKE WILL PARK IN THE TOW ZONE," "HE'LL PARK WHEREVER IT IS," "WHATEVER IT TAKES JUST TO PARK NEXT TO WHEREVER HE'S GOING." " 'CAUSE IF YOU LOOKING GOOD, YOU FEELING GOOD." "IF YOU FEELING GOOD, YOU GET GOOD RESULTS." " THAT'S A COMMERCIAL." " BODY WAX, RIGHT HERE." "HOW YOU DOING?" " CHECK THIS OUT." ""PARKING FOR U.S. POSTAL VEHICLES."" " WHAT DOES IT SAY?" "IT SAYS, "PARKING FOR SITUATION ONLY."" " [laughing]" " JUNK, JUNK." " NO. "JUNK."" " OH." " JUNK." " I MISS RYDER!" " I ACTUALLY GOT REALLY SAD LOOKING AT NICOLE GET SAD," "SO I WANNA KEEP HER MIND OCCUPIED," "TRY TO, LIKE, GET HER MIND OFF [bleep] THAT'S GOING ON." "JUST IMAGINE" "ALL THE GORILLAS IN MIAMI" "ARE GONNA BE AT ONE LOCATION TONIGHT." "WE'RE GOING TO SPACE." "THE PLACE THAT I'VE BEEN DYING TO GO TO" "THIS WHOLE TIME IN MIAMI IS SPACE." "IT JUST REMINDS ME OF THE NEW YORK-CLUB SCENE." "THE PARTY DOESN'T STOP" "TILL, LIKE, 2:00 IN THE AFTERNOON THE NEXT DAY," "WHICH IS JUST LIKE NEW YORK." " SPACE!" "EVEN THOUGH I'M BUMMED THAT RYDER LEFT," "I'M VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE WE ARE GOING TO SPACE." "SPACE MEANS, LIKE, GUIDOS, JUICEHEAD GORILLAS," "SEXY, TANNED, SWEATY BOYS." "I'M VERY EXCITED." " OH, MY GOD." " AND HOUSE MUSIC." "WE'RE GOING TO SPACE!" "[phone dialing, line trilling]" " METRO CAB." "MAY I HELP YOU?" " WE'RE GONNA GO TO SPACE TONIGHT." " OKAY." " SEVEN PEOPLE." " OKAY, YOU NEED TWO CABS." "WHERE" " AT THE METROPOLE." " METROPOLE, OKAY." " YEAH, NOT LIKE-- YOU KNOW, LIKE STRIPPER "POLE."" " I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." " METROPOLE." "1:00, PLEASE." " 1:00?" " NOT A MINUTE AFTER." " OKAY, LOVE, THANK YOU." " LOVE YOU TOO." "NOW, THAT'S HOW YOU CALL FOR CABS, MY DUDE." " YOU GOT IT?" " IT'S T-SHIRT TIME!" " IF YOU GOT THE PHATTEST GEAR" "AND NO ONE CAN COME INTO YOUR ATMOSPHERE," "THEN YOU'RE A PART OF T-SHIRT TIME." "AND YOU WILL BE UNTIL WE YELL," ""CABS ARE HERE!"" " [laughing]" " WHAT THE [bleep]?" " YO, [bleep]" "I MEAN, JENNI, ARE YOU IN THE BATHROOM?" " SO JENNI COMES OUT IN HER OUTFIT," "AND I'M LIKE, "THIS GIRL'S A [bleep] WHORE."" " YOU LOVE ME, OR YOU HATE ME?" " YOU'RE AMAZING RIGHT NOW." " I LOVE YOU." " LOOKS GOOD." " BUT THAT'S WHY I LOVE HER." "SHE LOOKS SO GOOD." "SHE LOOKS LIKE THE ULTIMATE STRIPPER." "AND SHE'S VERY HOT." "YOU LOOK AMAZING." " I GOT THE BEATS IN MY HEAD ALREADY." " WE'RE WAITING-- ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOU." " YEAH, RIGHT." "THAT'S THE FIRST TIME EVER." "[rock music]" " OH, WE'RE HERE." "¶ ¶" " WHAT I EXPECT FROM SPACE TONIGHT" "IS A LOT OF DANCING, A LOT OF DRINKING," "AND NO SLEEP." " ¶ DO YOU GOT IT?" "YOU GOT IT ¶" "¶ I KNOW JUST HOW YOU WANT IT ¶" "¶ I'LL DO IT ALL NIGHT, AS LONG AS DRINKS ARE FREE ¶" "¶ ¶" "¶ SO ARE YOU BUYING?" "YOU BUYING?" "¶" "¶ YOU KNOW I'LL KEEP TRYING ¶" "¶ JUST KEEP IT ALL COMING ¶" "¶ UNTIL THE SUN STARTS TO RISE ¶" " SPACE, TO ME, IS PERFECT-- PERFECT, PERFECT, PERFECT." "EVERYONE SPLITS UP." "EVERYONE'S HAVING THEIR OWN VIBE BUT NICOLE." " THESE TWO PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING AT ME RIGHT NOW." "AND I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE [bleep] IS WRONG WITH YOU?" "IF YOU WANNA FIGHT ME, COME FIGHT ME."" " WE'RE AT THE CLUB," "AND I'M TRYING TO HAVE A GREAT NIGHT." "NEXT THING YOU KNOW, NICOLE IS TRYING TO FIGHT" "SOME GUY OR SOME GIRL." " THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, MIKE ACTUALLY CUTS IN." "OF COURSE, MIKE SEES THE GUY," "MIKE'S LIKE, "OH, THIS GUY'S HALF MY SIZE--I CAN TAKE HIM."" "LIKE, THEN MIKE STARTS SCREAMING AT THE GUY." "I WAS ACTUALLY ABOUT TO CRY," "'CAUSE I'M LIKE, "THIS IS GONNA RUIN IT."" "LIKE, I FEEL IT COMING-- "IT'S GONNA RUIN THE NIGHT."" "I'M LIKE, "ARE YOU [bleep] KIDDING ME?"" "[suspenseful music]" " LOOK AT THEM." "LOOK AT HER." " SHE'S FIGHTING WITH A GIRL?" "NOW, THE [bleep] HAS HIT THE FAN." "NOW IT'S OVER." "WE'RE NOT EVEN INTO SPACE FOR AN HOUR," "AND ALREADY WE GET BOUNCED OUT OF THE CLUB." "WE WERE REAL PISSED." " I'M, LIKE, SITTING THERE WITH SAM," "LIKE, WAITING TO DANCE," "AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, WE GOTTA GO."" "I'M LIKE, "WHAT?" "LIKE, IT'S 3:15." "I JUST GOT HERE."" "SOMEBODY PISSED ALL OVER MY PARADE..." "ALL OVER MY PARADE." "THIS IS [bleep] TERRIBLE." "WHAT THE [bleep] IS GOING ON?" " OH, NO." " YO, PAULY." " I WAS DISAPPOINTED, AND I DIDN'T WANNA GO HOME ALONE," "AND I DON'T WANNA BE BORED, SO I GRABBED TWO HOT CHICKS." " YOU CAN SIT ON MY LAP." " HEY, SAM!" " ALL THE WAY" " OKAY." " I HOPE I DON'T FLASH YOU GUYS." "SORRY." " OH, SHE'S GOT NO UNDERWEAR." " NO." "[rock music]" "¶ ¶" " ME AND SITCH JUST WANT TO GET IT IN," "SO WE GET DROPPED OFF AT THE HOUSE." " LET'S GO." " THE REST OF THE ROOMMATES WENT OUT AND DID THEIR OWN THING." " WELCOME TO MY HOME." " WE GET INTO A LOT OF ARGUMENTS AND FIGHTS." " I LIKE THE SOMBRERO." " YES." " THESE GIRLS-- THEY KNOW THE DEAL." "THE ONLY REASON WHY WE EVEN GRABBED THEM" "IS BECAUSE THEY'RE D.T.F." " DO YOU NEED TO SAY THE ROSARY BEFORE YOU TAKE IT OFF," "OR ARE YOU JUST HANGING IT THERE?" " NO, THOSE ARE JUST FOR FASHION." " AAH!" "AAH!" "MY BOOB'S GONNA FALL OUT." " YOU NEED RELAX." " NOW YOU CAN LAY BACK DOWN." "I'M ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING." " THAT WAS YOUR BIG MOVE?" "HE'S LIKE, "I'M GONNA DO-- LET'S DO SOMETHING."" " DON'T WORRY." " OH, GOD." "YOU'RE AWFUL." "OH, GOD!" "WHY ISN'T THERE A REAL BARRIER?" " YO, STOP LOOKING AT ME." " GOD." " EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT." "I DON'T NEED MUCH TIME." "YOU TAKE EVERY SITUATION FOR WHAT IT IS." "I KNOW WHAT IT IS." "GET THESE GIRLS IN BED," "TALK TO THEM A LITTLE BIT, AND GET IT IN." " YOU ALL RIGHT?" "YOU GONNA BE ALL RIGHT?" "YEAH." "I'M GONNA BE FINE." " YOU SURE?" "YOU NEED, LIKE, A PEP TALK OR SOMETHING?" " WHAT DO YOU THINK?" "IS IT GONNA HAPPEN?" " I DON'T KNOW." "I DON'T KNOW." " YOU'RE WAY TOO NICE." " SO YOU'RE GOOD WITH THIS?" "I CAN GIVE YOU, LIKE, SOME COMFORTABLE STUFF" "IF YOU WANNA CHILL." " WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE?" " WHAT?" " IT'S TIME TO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS," "AND IT SEEMS LIKE THESE GIRLS REALLY WANNA TALK A LOT." " DON'T LET THE OUTFIT CONFUSE YOU." " I KNOW." " SHE DOESN'T DRINK," "AND SHE DOESN'T HOOK UP WITH PEOPLE." " WAIT, WAIT." "YOU HOOKED UP WITH ONE PERSON YOUR WHOLE LIFE." " I'VE ONLY SLEPT WITH, LIKE, ONE PERSON," "LIKE, I WAS IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH." "IT'S KIND OF LATE RIGHT NOW, BABY GIRL." "AND YOUR GIRL IS THE BAD ONE, AND YOU'RE THE GOOD ONE," "SO YOU NEED TO GO IN THE OTHER ROOM" "AND SNUGGLE WITH YOURSELF," "'CAUSE I'M GOING TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW." " MIKE REALIZES THAT HIS CHICK'S NOT D.T.F." "AND INSTEAD OF, LIKE, TAKING THE GIRL OUT OF THE ROOM" "AND JUST ENTERTAINING HER FOR A LITTLE BIT," "'CAUSE MY GIRL'S D.T.F," "INSTEAD HE'S LIKE, "NO, NO, I'M GONNA GO TO SLEEP." "YOUR GIRL CAN WAIT OUTSIDE."" " LISTEN, I COULD BE A-- I'M NOT A [bleep]." "I'M JUST SAYING, LIKE" " I NEVER SAID YOU WERE A [bleep]." " I'M NOT GONNA WASTE MY TIME RIGHT NOW," "SO I'M GONNA BRING YOU IN ANOTHER ROOM" "AND YOU CAN, LIKE, SNUGGLE INSIDE" "WITH THE PILLOW, 'CAUSE I'M GOING TO SLEEP." " JOKING AROUND IS OKAY, BUT HE WAS BEING DEAD SERIOUS." " YO, STOP [bleep]" "BLOCKING ON YOUR GIRL--COME ON, LET'S GO." " YOU'RE [bleep]" "BLOCKING ON THE WHOLE WORLD RIGHT NOW." " LET'S GO." "COME ON." "LET'S GO." "WE'RE GOING IN THE OTHER ROOM." " WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN" "IF HE TELL HER TO GO IN THE OTHER ROOM?" " I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS." "I'M GOING TO SLEEP, GIRL." " HERE'S A DRINK FOR YOU, SWEETIE." "I GOT YOU A NICE VITAMIN WATER." "NO, NO, BABY." "YOU DON'T HOOK UP WITH NOBODY, AND I DON'T WANNA WASTE MY TIME." "YOU CAN CHILL RIGHT THERE." "I'M GOING TO SLEEP." " I TOLD YOU-- LIKE, I FELT BAD" "THAT YOU SHOULD'VE GOTTEN AN EASIER GIRL." " I KNOW, I SHOULD'VE." "I'M GOING TO SLEEP." "GOOD NIGHT." " GOSH." " GO TO-- GO IN THE OTHER ROOM." " NO!" "SHUT UP!" " I'M GOOD." "I'M GOING TO SLEEP." " ELISE, YOU GOT THE NICE ONE." " I DON'T WANNA STAY IN HERE WITH HIM." " DON'T COME OVER TO SOMEBODY'S HOUSE AT [bleep] 5:00 A.M." "AND EXPECT [bleep] JUST TO WATCH--AND PLAY CHECKERS." " I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT CHECKERS, OLD MAN." " WE HAVE TO GO BACK." " YOU'RE GOING HOME?" " YEAH." " I'M SORRY, PAULY." " THAT'S ALL RIGHT." "I'LL WALK YOU OUT." " YOU'RE SO SWEET." " THE WHOLE REASON WHY I BROUGHT THESE TWO GIRLS" "TO THE CRIB, 'CAUSE THEY WERE D.T.F." " IT'S NOT YOU." " NAH, IT'S ALL GOOD." "EVEN IF ONE OF THEM WASN'T AS D.T.F. AS THE OTHER," "I KNEW I COULD MAKE IT WORK WITH EITHER ONE." "MINE HAPPENED TO BE 100% D.T.F." "I COULD HAVE GOT IT IN," "BUT DIDN'T GET IT IN BECAUSE OF MIKE, UM," "LET HIS SITUATION GET THE BEST OF HIM." "ALL I SEE IS US GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE CLUB," "AND I GRAB TWO CHICKS." " BRO, I'M NOT HITTING ON THAT WHATSOEVER." "I'M JUST SAYING WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT," "WE'RE ALREADY HERE." "LIKE, ONE WAS D.T.F" " AND THE OTHER WASN'T." " AND I'M NOT GONNA GO THROUGH [bleep] DRAMA" "FOR A [bleep] UGLY CHICK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?" "THERE'S ONLY SO LONG I CAN TRY TO BE A WINGMAN." " MIKE COULD NOT PLAY WINGMAN FOR ME." "I NEED SOMEBODY THAT KNOWS HOW TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM" "OR ENTERTAIN A GRENADE" "OR EVEN DECIPHER THE BOMB IF--IF ONE COMES." "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?" "IT'S A WAR OUT THERE." "HMM." " I'M GOING TO SLEEP." "THE SITUATION IS THAT THE CAR" "MY CAR HAS BEEN, UH, UM..." " TOWED." " TOWED." " FIRE!" "FIRE!" "FIRE!" "FIRE!" "EVACUATE THE BUILDING." "[hip-hop music]" "¶ ¶ [line trilling]" " HELLO?" " HEY." " HEY!" " I'M GOING TO THE BEACH NOW, SO YOU SHOULD SEE ME." " OKAY." " ALL RIGHT." "WHEN CAN YOU DO THAT?" " RIGHT NOW." " ALL RIGHT, COOL." "BYE." "ME AND PAULY ARE GONNA GO TO THE BEACH TODAY," "AND WE'RE GONNA MEET RAMONA AND ROCIO" "AND LAY OUT, GET A TAN..." "IT WAS AMAZING." " LAST NIGHT PAULY BROUGHT THESE CHICKS HOME," "AND I WAS PLAYING WINGMAN, YOU KNOW?" "SO, I [bleep]-- I'M IN THE BED WITH HER," "UNDER THE COVERS WITH HER," "AND I DIDN'T EVEN HOOK UP WITH HER." "I'M LIKE, "WHATEVER." I'M THINKING ABOUT IT." "AND THEN FINALLY, I'M LIKE, "I CAN'T DO IT." ""I CAN'T DO IT." "I'M PLAYING WINGMAN," "BUT AT THE SAME TIME, THIS CHICK'S UGLY."" "SHE'S, YOU KNOW, JUST A GRENADE." " YO, HE GOT REJECTED," "SO THEN HE MADE IT LOOK LIKE, OH, SHE'S A GRENADE." "THEN HE'S LIKE, "OH, YEAH, SHE'S A GRENADE."" "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" " AND, UH, YOU KNOW" " WHAT ABOUT PAULY?" " I'M NOT, LIKE, PUTTING EFFORT" "INTO SOMETHING I DON'T EVEN REALLY WANNA DO." " HE TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED." "I DON'T HAVE TO TRY." "I NEVER HAD TO TRY." "YOU'RE IN [bleep] BED WITH PAULY D." " EXACTLY." "[both laughing]" " AND I TOLD PAULY," "I'M LIKE, "LISTEN, DUDE, I TRIED TO BE THE WINGMAN FOR YOU," "BUT THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH I CAN DO."" "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?" "I'M SITTING IN THE BED WITH THIS GRENADE," "AND THEN I TELL HER I CAN'T DO IT, AND SHE HAS TO LEAVE," "AND THEN SHE, YOU KNOW" " SO PAULY DIDN'T GET IT IN EITHER?" " NO, NO." "HIS GIRL WAS LIKE, "I'M LEAVING."" " DID YOU GIVE 'EM THE BOOT?" " YEAH, I GAVE 'EM THE BOOT." "I'M LIKE, "GET THE [bleep] OUT OF THE HOUSE."" " READY?" " YEAH." " RAMONA LOOKS GOOD, YOU KNOW?" "SHE'S A HOT GIRL." "SHE IS BEAUTIFUL." "THE BEST PART ABOUT RAMONA" "IS THAT SHE'S LIKE HANGING OUT WITH ONE OF THE GUYS," "BUT SHE LOOKS LIKE A MODEL," "SO YOU GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS." " SO IT'S VINNY AND HIS CHICK, AND IT'S ME." "I FEEL LIKE KIND OF LIKE A THIRD WHEEL." "FINALLY ROCIO COMES, AND SHE SPOTTED ME." "APPARENTLY ROCIO WAS ON THE BEACH ALL DAY" "AND COULDN'T FIND ME." "I WAS ON THE BEACH ALL DAY, COULDN'T FIND HER." "SO WE'RE GONNA SPEND THE REST OF THE TIME" "TOGETHER ON THE BEACH." " YOU GET THAT SIDE, I GET THIS SIDE." "SHE'S SO PRETTY." "[both laughing]" "LITTLE MERMAID." "ARIEL, THIS IS PAULY." "PAULY, THIS IS ARIEL." "IT'S KIND OF WEIRD, BUT..." "IT'S MY GIRL, YOU KNOW?" " OH, YEAH." " ME AND RON WENT TO THE BEACH TO CHECK IT OUT," "AND PAULY AND VINNY WERE BOTH, LIKE, WIFED UP." "THEY BOTH HAD THEIR LITTLE WIFEYS THERE." " OH, YEAH." " AAH!" " IT JUST FELT, LIKE, COOL TO HANG OUT WITH COUPLES" "AND DIFFERENT PEOPLE." "IT WAS ACTUALLY, LIKE, A GOOD BEACH DAY." "[laughter]" " HOT TUB--OH, YEAH." "OH." " YOU WANT REGULAR CHICKEN CUTLETS OR CHICKEN PARM?" "DOES ANYBODY HAVE A VOICE?" " PARM." " PARM?" " YO, I'M STARVING TOO." "I HAVEN'T ATE ALL DAY." " WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE GONNA BE HAPPY, THEN, DOG." "WHEN YOU'RE COOKING FOR A HOUSE FULL OF PEOPLE," "YOU'RE MULTITASKING." "YOU'RE DOING MANY THINGS AT ONCE." "I GOT THE FILET ON THE GRILL." "I GOT THE CHICKEN PARM IN THE OVEN." "I GOT THE PASTA ON TOP OF THE STOVE." "SO I'M DOING 15 THINGS AT ONCE" "AND SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, IT GETS HOT IN THE KITCHEN." " UH-OH, WE GOT A SITUATION." " ALL RIGHT." "DOG, YOU GOTTA WATCH OUT FOR A SECOND." "I GOTTA GET IN THERE WITH THIS." "[loud sizzling]" " MIKE TAKES A BURNING-HOT PAN" "AND PUTS IT RIGHT UNDER THE SINK WITH THE WATER," "AND, LIKE, ALL SMOKE FILLS UP THE WHOLE KITCHEN." "[smoke detector beeping]" " YO, SOMEBODY OPEN THE DOOR?" " THE FIRE ALARMS GO OFF." " EVACUATE THE PREMISE." "[beeping continues]" " FIRE!" "FIRE!" "FIRE!" "DO YOU GUYS NOT HEAR THAT?" "GET OUT OF THE POOL." "FIRE!" "EVACUATE THE BUILDING." "[siren wailing] [smoke detector beeping]" " FOUR OR FIVE FIREMEN COME IN, AND I'M LIKE, "OH, MY GOD," "LIKE, PRIME 'A' MEAT OF MEN."" " WHY ARE YOU WITH ME?" " WHO HAS HELPED YOU THROUGH YOUR [bleep] IN THE HOUSE?" "YOURSELF?" " I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE GOING HERE RIGHT NOW." " FIRE!" "FIRE!" " DO YOU GUYS NOT HEAR THAT?" "GET OUT OF THE POOL." "[smoke detector beeping]" " MIKE'S COOKING, AND THE ALARM GOES OFF." "AND IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY AMUSING..." "UNTIL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT COMES IN." " BUSTED!" "WHAT'S GOING ON, GUYS?" "WE'RE JUST COOKING SUNDAY DINNER," "AND WE SET OFF THE ALARM." "I SEE THAT, I SEE THAT." "EXCUSE ME." " I'M THINKING THE ALARM GOES OFF." "IT TURNS OFF." "EVERYTHING'S FINE." "NO." "FOUR OR FIVE FIREMEN COME IN, AND I'M LIKE," ""OH, MY GOD," "LIKE, PRIME 'A' MEAT OF MEN."" "PLEASE TELL ME THEY'RE GONNA START STRIPPING AND GET NAKED." "[beeping continues]" " NO, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT." " WE FOUND OUT WHAT GETS SNOOKI OUT OF BED." " I WALK OUT INTO THE KITCHEN." "THERE'S FRICKIN' FIREMEN HERE." "ONE IS TALL, YOU KNOW, TAN," "AND HE LOOKED ITALIAN, SO..." "I WOULD HAVE SMUSHED THAT, YES." " HAVE A GOOD NIGHT." " ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU." " THANK YOU." " THANK YOU." " THAT'S ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FANTASIES" "FOR A FIREMAN TO, LIKE, COME RESCUE ME," "LIKE, PUT OUT MY FIRE, LITERALLY," "WITH, YOU KNOW, LIKE, A FIRE OUTCOME." "THAT'S HOT." "[siren wailing]" " THE FIRE DEPARTMENT SENSED THERE WAS A SITUATION," "AND THEY ROLLED UP, AND THEY SEEN THE SITUATION," "SO EVERYTHING WAS COOL." " WE SHOULD ALL THANK MIKE FOR THE SUNDAY DINNER," "'CAUSE HE CONTRIBUTED, FOR THE MOST PART," "ESPECIALLY TODAY." " THE SITUATION AND THE STUFF THAT HE PUTS TOGETHER," "HE PUTS IT TOGETHER RIGHT AND IT TASTES GOOD." " THE CHICKEN'S GOOD." " HE COULD COOK UP A FEAST, THAT KID." "YO, YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING THAT'S CRAZY?" "AT ONE POINT, WE ALL DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF US." "LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" "NOW LOOK AT US." "WE ALL KNOW EACH OTHERS' FLAWS." "WE KNOW HOW TO PUSH EACH OTHERS' BUTTONS," "WE ALL KNOW WHAT SNOOK'S "COOGA" LOOK LIKE." "WE ALL-- OH." "[laughter]" " SALUTE, WITH THE KOOL-AID." " SALUTE, WITH THE KOOL-AID." " I'LL HELP YOU GUYS CLEAN..." "EVEN THOUGH I COOKED." " ME AND PAULY KNEW IF WE WERE GONNA MEET GIRLS," "IT WOULD BE HERE, 'CAUSE WE LIKE EXOTIC..." " AND LOOK WHAT WE GOT." " I'M EXOTIC-LOOKING..." "RIGHT?" " CONSIDERING YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND" "IS, LIKE, ASIAN," "YOU JUST DON'T SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME." " SAM, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" " MIND YOUR BUSINESS, WHAT I DO." " OHHHHH." " THIS NIGHT'S ABOUT TO GET REALLY INTERESTING." " I PROBABLY SAID BLUE WHEN I SHOULD HAVE SAID GREEN." " SAMANTHA..." "WHAT'S GOING ON?" " HE'S JUST STUPID." "HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND'S ASIAN," "SO HE GOES, "IT'S OKAY." "YOU LOOK ASIAN." "I LOVE IT."" " THAT'S ANNOYING." "YOU DON'T LOOK ASIAN." " I'VE GOTTEN CALLED ASIAN." "LIKE, I GET IT, BUT YOU JUST DON'T [bleep] SAY," ""OH, THAT'S OKAY." "I LIKE YOU." "YOU LOOK ASIAN,"" "WHEN YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND IS [bleep] ASIAN." "LIKE, GO BE WITH YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND, THEN." "YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT, RIGHT?" "WHAT DO YOU THINK?" " HE'S PROBABLY JUST JOKING." "I REALLY WANTED TO TELL SAM, YOU KNOW," ""STOP BEING STUPID."" "BUT, YOU KNOW, WE JUST STARTED TO BE FRIENDS AGAIN," "SO I DON'T WANNA, LIKE, PISS HER OFF." "BUT I WAS JUST LIKE, YOU KNOW," ""STOP BEING STUPID."" "YOU THINK HE WANTS HIS EX?" " I DON'T KNOW." "PROBABLY." "GO BE WITH YOUR EX." "I DON'T [bleep] NEED TO HEAR THAT [bleep]." " I THINK IT'S, YOU KNOW, MY JOB AS A BOYFRIEND" "TO ALWAYS MAKE MY GIRLFRIEND FEEL OKAY," "YOU KNOW, BUT WITH SAM, IT'S A LITTLE BIT HARDER," "BECAUSE I THINK SHE HAS SO MANY INSECURITIES." " LET ME BREAK THIS DOWN FOR YOU SO YOU CAN REGISTER." " I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT." " YOU JUST CALLED ME ASIAN." "AND NOW YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH ASIANS." "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU." "WHAT YOU DID IS MADE A STUPID COMMENT." "SO WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET THAT?" "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET THAT?" " I MAKE ONE COMMENT, AND YOU'RE LIKE, "RARR!"" "THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND YOU." "THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE." "I KNOW HOW TO BRUSH [bleep] OFF." "INSTEAD OF DWELLING ON IT, LOOK PAST IT." "YOU CAN'T DO THAT." "THAT'S NOT" " WHY ARE YOU WITH ME," "IF YOU'RE GONNA SIT THERE AND BE NEGATIVE TOWARDS ME?" ""SAM CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS, BUT RON CAN'T DO ANYTHING."" " [bleep]." "YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT NEGATIVE TO ME." "NO?" "YOU HAVEN'T?" "YOU HAVEN'T?" " WOW." "WOW." "REALLY?" "LIKE, REALLY RIGHT NOW?" " MIKE BEING WITH SAM AND RON" "SO THAT MEANS MIKE AND RON HAVE BEEN TOGETHER." " [laughs]" " MIKE BEING WITH SNOOKI" "MEANS THAT PAULY AND VINNY AND MIKE HAVE SWAPPED SPIT." " EW!" " WE SPOT THESE TWO BLONDES." "AND THEY WERE FROM "CANADIA."" "[laughter]" "AND WE'RE GONNA GET IT IN TONIGHT, MAN." " OH, YEAH!" "GET IT IN." "LET'S GO." "[rock music]" "¶ ¶" " I KNOW HOW TO BRUSH [bleep] OFF." "INSTEAD OF DWELLING ON IT, LOOK PAST IT." "YOU CAN'T DO THAT." " WHY ARE YOU WITH ME?" "I'M ASKING YOU A QUESTION," "BECAUSE IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA SIT THERE AND, YOU KNOW, LIKE," "REALLY BE NEGATIVE TOWARD ME" " WHO HAS HELPED YOU THROUGH YOUR [bleep] IN THE HOUSE?" "WHO?" "WHO?" "YOURSELF?" " I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE GOING HERE RIGHT NOW." " I'M GONNA GO THERE." " YOU'RE SUCH AN [bleep]." " GOOD." "I'M AN [bleep]." "EVERYONE ELSE HERE KNOWS I'M A [bleep] [bleep]." "YOU REALIZE THAT NOW." "LIKE..." "OH, SAM'S DONE TALKING, SO..." " YOU CAN SHUT UP AND RESPECT ME RIGHT NOW." " OKAY." "ALL RIGHT, SAM." "IT'S YOUR WORLD." "I'M JUST LIVING IN IT..." "OBVIOUSLY." " [bleep]." " [bleep]." " THANK YOU FOR THIS." " I THINK ALL OF OUR ARGUMENTS ARE MAINLY BECAUSE OF SAM." "SHE STARTS 99% OF THE FIGHTS." "IT'S, LIKE, [bleep]." "[sad music]" "¶ ¶" " DO THE BOARD." " I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW WE CAN SET THIS UP." " "HOOK-UP BOARD."" " WE'RE ALL GONNA FIGURE OUT IF WE ALL SWAPPED SPIT." "THE THREE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE MIKE, PAULY, AND VINNY." " ME AND JENNI WANTED TO DO THE HOOK-UP BOARD." "YOU HOOKED UP WITH THIS PERSON," "THEN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY HOOKED UP WITH THIS PERSON" "JUST BY SWAPPING THE SPIT." " IT'S NOT SWAPPING SPIT UNLESS YOU DO IT ONE AFTER THE OTHER." " SPIT'S BEEN CROSSED." "SO, MIKE BEING WITH SAM AND RON," "SO THAT MEANS MIKE AND RON HAVE BEEN TOGETHER." " [laughs]" " MIKE BEING WITH SNOOKI" "MEANS THAT PAULY AND VINNY AND MIKE HAVE SWAPPED SPIT." " EW!" " AND MIKE BEING WITH ANGELINA..." " EW!" "I'M ON EACH ONE." "THAT'S [bleep] EMBARRASSING." "I HATE YOU." " YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE HO." " I'M A WHORE." "HELLO?" "YOU KNOW, I MADE OUT WITH PAULY," "MADE OUT WITH MIKE" "AND TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH VINNY, SO..." "WHATEVER." "I MADE OUT WITH YOU" " OH, YEAH." " THEN ANGELINA SAID I MADE OUT WITH HER, SO..." " EW!" " YOU PRETTY MUCH JUST, LIKE, GO INTO IT" "AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYBODY HAS MADE OUT WITH EVERYBODY." " EVERYONE-- I MEAN, EVERYONE." "SOMEHOW EVERYONE'S HOOKED UP IN THIS HOUSE." " WE'RE NYMPHOS." "[The Willowz' Cons and Tricks]" "¶ ¶" " ESCALADE TWO." " WHERE ARE WE GOING?" " LAUNDRY..." "AND THEN TANNING." " LET'S GO." " ¶ WELL, I'VE BEEN LOST IN THE BACKBEAT ¶" "¶ IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING'S WRONG ¶" "¶ IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING I DO IS WRONG ¶" "¶ IT'S JUST AS STUPID JUST TO SING THIS SONG ¶" "¶ MANIPULATION GETS ME THROUGH ¶" " ¶ AH AH AH AH ¶" " ¶ THE POINT BEING THAT YOU NEVER KNEW ¶" "¶ THAT YOU NEVER KNEW, THAT YOU NEVER KNEW ¶" " WE GOT TOWED!" "[rock music]" "¶ ¶" " WE GOT TOWED!" " WE GOT TOWED?" " WE GOT TOWED!" "WE DEFINITELY GOT TOWED." " WE WALK INTO THE TANNING SALON," "TEN MINUTES, WALK OUT..." "CAR'S GONE." " DAMN IT!" " WHATEVER." " THE WHOLE SITUATION IS THAT YOU GOTTA CALL" "THAT NUMBER RIGHT THERE." "YOU WANNA REMEMBER THAT NUMBER?" "THIS IS CRAZY." "TOWED THAT [bleep] IN TEN MINUTES." "THERE'S NO WAY THEY TOWED IT WITHIN TEN MINUTES." "IT'S IMPOSSIBLE." "I WAS ONLY IN THERE FOR TEN MINUTES." " MIKE GETS CRAZY." "EXPLAIN A RULE TO HIM, HE JUST CAN'T FOLLOW IT." " WE GOT OURSELVES INTO A SITUATION." " YOU WANT A SITUATION?" "WALK IT OFF, BITCH." "[chuckles]" "I'LL LET YOU HANDLE THIS ONE." " HOW MUCH IS IT TO MAKE A CALL NOWADAYS?" " I DON'T KNOW." " I THINK IT'S 50 CENTS." " LET'S CHECK IT OUT." "ALL RIGHT." "YEAH, I GOT A SITUATION, SIR." "MY CAR HAS BEEN, UH, UM..." " TOWED." " TOWED." "YEAH." "HOW MUCH WAS IT TOWED FOR?" "175." "DO I GET A DISCOUNT?" "NO DISCOUNT." "IT WAS JUST TOWED, THOUGH." "FIVE MINUTES AGO." " WHERE IS IT?" "WHERE THE HELL IS IT?" " WHAT HAPPENS IF I PAY CASH--DISCOUNT?" "NO DISCOUNT." "THANK YOU, SIR." "17TH AND MERIDIAN-- WE CAN PROBABLY WALK THERE." "[rock music]" "WHO GETS THE CAR TOWED ON THE LAST WEEK" "OR THE LAST COUPLE DAYS WE'RE HERE?" " MIKE SORRENTINO." "WE'RE WALKING ALL OVER SOUTH BEACH." " 17TH IS THE NEXT STREET DOWN." "DON'T WORRY, BRO." "I'M GONNA LEAD US TO THE PROMISED LAND." " IT HAS TO BE THE NEXT ONE..." " NEXT ONE." " UNLESS WE'RE GOING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION." " WHATEVER." " WHAT DOES THAT SAY?" " 16TH." " 16TH?" " DO YOU KNOW WHERE 17TH STREET IS, SIR?" "NO?" "NO?" "ALL RIGHT." "HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE [bleep] IS GOING ON." " WE'RE ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS." "[tires screeching]" " WATCH THIS GUY RIGHT HERE." " DODGING CARS AND DODGING RAINDROPS." " WE'RE GETTING IN SERIOUS CARDIO IN TODAY NOW." " THIS IS LIKE THE GUIDO VERSION OF THE AMAZING RACE." " OH, [bleep]." "SOMEBODY TOWED MY ESCALADE." " 175." " HOW MUCH?" "175." "I PROBABLY COULD HAVE TOOK A GIRL OUT TO DINNER FOR 175." "I PROBABLY COULD HAVE GOT, UH," "PROBABLY ONE OR TWO PAIRS OF SNEAKERS." "BUT, UH, 175 I JUST--WAS THROWN RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW, MAN." " AND WE OUT OF HERE." "JERK-OFFS!" " SAM, ARE YOU GOING OUT?" " NOPE." " I JUST WANNA GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP." " SNOOKI, JUST COME OUT." " BUT I DON'T WANNA BE THE ONLY GIRL THERE." " I'LL BE YOUR GIRL." " NAH." " SO IT'S REALLY JUST M.V.P." " HAVE FUN." " YOU'RE NOT COMING?" "YOU GOT ALL DONE UP." " FOR NOTHING." " YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO PROM." "YOU'RE NOT EVEN COMING OUT?" " BYE, GUYS." " BYE-BYE." "[dance music]" " HOW YOU DOING?" " WHAT'S UP, MAN?" "HOW YOU DOING?" "SO WE HEAD OVER TO TANTRA," "AND TANTRA IS PACKED." "VINNY'S CHICK'S THERE-- RAMONA--'CAUSE SHE'S WORKING." "SHE'S A DANCER THERE." "HE SEES HER, HAS A GOOD TIME." "AH!" "¶ ¶" " WE'RE AT TANTRA." "WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME" "A COUPLE DRINKS," "AND WE SPOT THESE TWO BLONDES." "AND THEY WERE FROM "CANADIA."" "¶ ¶" " RIGHT AWAY THEY'RE, LIKE-- YOU CAN JUST TELL THEY'RE D.T.F." "AND WE START TALKING TO THEM." " ME AND PAULY ARE QUICK ON THE TRIGGER." "AND AS SOON AS WE FIND SOMEBODY THAT'S SOMEWHAT GOOD-LOOKING" "AND THE D.T.F. METER'S UP, WE'RE GONNA PULL THE TRIGGER" "AND SAY, "HEY, GIRL, ARE YOU COMING HOME TONIGHT?"" "AND THEY'RE GONNA SAY, "YES."" "AND WE SAY, "ARE YOU D.T.F.?" SHE'S GONNA SAY, "YES."" "AND WE'RE GONNA SAY, "YOU'RE GOING HOME RIGHT NOW."" " THIS IS MY DUDE, VINNY." " ALL RIGHT." "YO, I SWEAR TO GOD, EVERY SINGLE GIRL" "FROM "CANADIA" IS [bleep] HOT." " IT'S CANADA, NOT "CANADIA."" "¶ ¶" " WE'RE GOING NAKED IN THE JACUZZI." "THIS WAY, GIRL." " WANNA GO TO THE BATHROOM?" " YES, PLEASE." " THIS WAY." " ALL RIGHT, "CANADIA," WE GOT DIET COKE AND THIS COKE." " THANKS." " I'LL PUT THIS IN MY ROOM." " OKAY." " SALUTE." " SALUTE." " CHEERS." " TO "CANADIA."" " TO "CANADIA."" " YEAH, EH." " EH." " RAMONA, DO YOU NEED CLOTHES OR ANYTHING?" "YOU WANT SHORTS AND A BIG SHIRT AGAIN?" " YEAH." "THAT SOUNDS VERY NICE." " WHILE PAULY AND MIKE ARE HANGING OUT" "WITH A COUPLE OF GRENADES FROM THE CLUB," "I'M HAPPY WHERE I STAND." " ALL RIGHT." "ARE YOU TIRED?" " RAMONA WAS DEFINITELY WORTH ALL THE TROUBLE AND MORE." "AND I'M HAPPY I WENT WITH HER AS THE PICK." "I KNOW WHEN I LIKE A GIRL, WHEN I CAN LAY DOWN WITH HER," "LIKE, THE WHOLE NIGHT AND FEEL COMFORTABLE." " PAULY, THEY SAID THEY WANNA GO BUTT NAKED IN THE JACUZZI." " NO, WE NEVER SAID THAT." " YOU WANT TO DO THAT?" " I MEAN, BUTT NAKED IN YOUR BED" "AND BUTT NAKED IN MY BED." "THAT'S COOL." "OUR PLAN WAS-- "HEY, LISTEN," ""LET'S WASTE A LITTLE TIME RIGHT NOW," "AND WE'LL GIVE THEM SOME PAJAMAS."" "YOU GET THE GIRLS IN PAJAMAS," "THEY'RE BASICALLY GONNA BE COMING OFF." " LET'S GO." " I NEED CLOTHES, THOUGH." " YEAH, WE'LL HOOK YOU UP." " WHAT ARE WE GETTING THESE GIRLS?" " I DON'T KNOW." "WHAT THE [bleep] WE GOT?" "I GOT SHORTS AND A DIRTY-ASS SHIRT." " YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" "[laughter]" " THESE CHICKS-- THEY SAID THEY WERE D.T.F.," "SO ME AND PAULY ARE READY TO GO." "AND WE'RE GONNA GET IT IN TONIGHT, MAN." " WHAT'S UP?" " ALL RIGHT" " WHAT'S UP?" " I'LL PUT YOU IN DIFFERENT CLOTHES." " IT'S UP TO MY SISTER." " WHAT'S UP, SISTER?" " SORRY, SISTER IS THE BORING PRUDE WITH A BOYFRIEND." " YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND?" " YEAH." " WELL, YOU BETTER NOT" " FIANCE." " YOU BETTER NOT TELL HIM ABOUT THIS SITUATION." "ME AND PAULY DIDN'T CARE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?" "WE'RE TRYING TO GET IT IN" "AND GET TO THE BUSINESS REAL QUICK." "THESE CHICKS WERE, UH-- WERE, UH" "I DON'T KNOW." "THEY WERE PLAYING GAMES OR SOMETHING." " YO, SIS?" " WHAT'S UP?" " SIS IS GONNA DITCH YOU IN FIVE MINUTES." " OH." " OH, YOU'RE BEING OUT?" " I'M BEING OUT IN, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES." " IT'S ALL GOOD." " NO, WE'RE JUST CHILLING FOR, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES," "THEN WE'RE GONNA GO." " YOU DON'T WANNA CHANGE?" "YOU GUYS ARE BEING OUT IN FIVE MINUTES?" " YEAH." " SO THEN WHY DON'T YOU GUYS BE OUT NOW, THEN?" " I'M, LIKE, "OH, NO, IT'S DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN."" " WHAT A DOUCHE BAG." " IT'S CALLED "IF YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT IN FIVE MINUTES," "THEN YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW, THEN."" " MIGHT AS WELL." " HE'S ONLY KIDDING." " NO, NO, NO." " I WAS NICE ENOUGH TO BRING HOME TWO," "INSTEAD OF JUST BRINGING HOME ONE." "AT LEAST ENTERTAIN THE CHICK OR DO SOMETHING," "SO I CAN GET IT IN." " YO, CASS, CASS, CASS, I WANNA LEAVE." " FOR REAL?" " YEAH." " ALL RIGHT, FOR REAL." " LET'S GO." " IT'S LIKE GOOD COP/BAD COP WITH MIKE." "THAT'S HIS GAME." "THAT'S HIS THING." "SOMETIMES IT WORKS, SOMETIMES IT DOESN'T." " NICE TO MEET YOU." " NICE TO MEET YOU TOO." " MY GIRL, I KISSED HER GOOD-BYE, AND SHE'S" "SHE JUST LEFT, UP AND LEFT." "I WAS LIKE, "SEE YA."" " DOUCHE BAG." "[cat screeches]" " DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT." " MAYBE IT'S TIME TO HAVE A TALK WITH SITUATION" "AND LET HIM KNOW, LIKE, WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?" "GO OVER THE GAME PLAN." " GET THE [bleep] OUT OF HERE." " I COULD TEACH HIM A FEW THINGS ABOUT BEING A WING MAN." "FOR REAL." " OH, YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE IN FIVE MINUTES?" "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I'LL GIVE YOU A HARD [bleep] AND BUBBLE GUM" "FOR FIVE MINUTES." "HOW ABOUT THAT ONE?" "YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT IN FIVE MINUTES?" "DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT." "HOW ABOUT THAT ONE?" "DISRESPECT ME AND MY BOY PAULY D." "HOW ABOUT THAT?" "I CAN GET FIVE MINUTES BETTER REST WITHOUT YOUR ASS." "HOW ABOUT THAT ONE?" " WE'RE IN MIAMI." "LET'S HAVE FUN." "LAST NIGHT--LET'S DO IT." "TWO GIRLS, ME, AND LOTS OF FUN." "NOW I GOT A SITUATION." " IT'S OUR LAST [bleep] DAY, AND WE'RE FIGHTING." "LIKE, WHAT DOES THAT SAY?" " YOU TELL ME." " I HEARD THAT YOU CALLED ME FAKE." " HOW THE [bleep] DID I CALL YOU FAKE?" " THAT'S WHAT I HEARD." " FROM WHO?" " AAH!" " I SAID THAT SHE'S FAKE?" " THE LAST NIGHT IN THE HOUSE," "DO I REALLY WANNA HAVE PROBLEMS WITH EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE?" "I DON'T." " YOUS ARE ALL [bleep] NUTS!"