"'Dear Mr Black, I'm afraid your novel is unsuitable for us at present 'and herewith return your manuscript." "'I do hope you're not disheartened by this rejection." "'Best wishes, Barnaby chessington-Howe-Foxworth.'" "'Rejection." "'Rejection." "'Dear Mr chessington-Howe-Foxworth, 'thank you for returning my manuscript 'and your enclosed, nasty, niminy-piminy, little note." "'I am afraid your letter is most unsuitable for me at present, 'as I spent the entire weekend 'writing the novel you summarily rejected." "'I presume it is company policy 'to reject all manuscripts not submitted in ten-foot high Braille." "'And yes, I am aware that it is traditionally bad form 'to respond to criticism or rejection 'but I am an innovator." "'Therefore I may freely address you as... 'piss midget." "'I think you will change your views when we meet, and meet we will." "'When I use your eyes as ear-stoppers to muffle the screams you make 'as I headbutt you into a fine paste," "'I do hope you will not be disheartened by your violent death." "'Yours faithfully, Bernard Black.'" "'Everyone..." "Everyone agreed 'he was right to kill the publisher with a flugelhorn was a stroke of genius." ""'Bernard," they said... "Brendan," they said, "congratulations."" ""'Have this basket of stuff and come and stay for the weekend."'"