"Good evening, fellow motorists." "The road signs became so dense that I had to abandon my automobile and proceed on foot." "I do hope the time never comes when billboard will obscure this lovely scenery." "Actually, I believe these are seedling signs." "This is where the Highway Department grows them." "You are probably more familiar with the wild variety that springs up along the roadside." "Tonight's play has a connection, however tenuous, with the foregoing." "In it, you will see an automobile." "The play is called "Dead Weight"" "and will begin after this one-minute detour." "Slow, man." "Make it slow." "Now put your hands out." "Easy." "That's right." "What do you want?" "Okay, lvy League." "Now open the door, smooth and easy." "That's right." "Now you slide out, nice and easy like, before..." "Now, listen..." "I said move." "And I mean right now." "Now face the car." "I said face it!" "Now." "Put your hands out, lean on it." "Okay, baby." "Now you slide out." "Now look..." "Shut up, man of distinction." "Now, put your hands back there." "Come on." "Now, doll." "You slide out and bring the keys with you." "Hey, baby, I said bring the keys." "Oh, oh, cool, smooth hands." "Yeah, that's nice." "But that's for later, honey..." "If you've got any ideas about..." "I got lots of ideas, man." "I'm crawling with 'em." "Hey, you're pretty well-heeled, chum." "Courtney N. Masterson." "Wow, what a square name." "Hey, what's the "N" stand for, Courtney?" "None of your business." "I asked you a question, mister." "Now, look, you've got what you've wanted, why don't you let us alone?" "Now, I asked you what that 'N' stands for, Courtney." "Nesbitt." "Courtney Nesbitt Masterson." "Wow, dad." "Like they didn't want to give you any first names just last ones." "Why's that?" "Very well, Courtney." "Here's your keys." "I'd like my wallet, too." "You can keep the money." "But there are some papers in it that are worthless to you." "Forget it, dad." "It's not over yet." "Oh, please, let us go." "Cool it, baby." "Now you open the trunk." "There's nothing in the..." "I said open it!" "All right." "Take all that junk out and toss it on the ground." "Now what?" "Now you get in, cat." "Oh, please, I have some money, too." "It's in my purse in the car." "You just take that and we'll say nothing." "Ain't that nice?" "But I'm not after your bread, baby." "What do you mean?" "I mean, I'm coming to you." "But first we gotta tuck in little ol' Courtney Nesbitt Masterson." "You dig how it is?" "Now, you get up." "You get up slow, dad, or I'm going to slice you pretty." "All right, sonny boy." "If you think that knife's faster than this gun of yours, slice away." "You all right, Peg?" "Yes." "Come on!" "Now, look, mister..." "Now you lean against the car." "Nice and easy, man." "Now." "Get in the trunk." "Hey, now, look, I never woulda gone through with it." "I mean, really." "I was only kiddin', that's all." "A great kidder, you are." "You would have killed me if you could." "Get in the trunk!" "In the trunk!" "You make me get in here, I'm not gonna forget it, Courtney." "In the trunk." "There's nothing to be afraid of now." "Oh!" "Oh, Court." "Stop it." "I really thought he was going to..." "Stop thinking about it." "Let's get away from here." "Right away." "Now, what are we going to do?" "We're going to drop our little friend off at a police station." "Will it be in all the papers?" "I can just see the headline now," ""Advertising executive captures lovers lane bandit."" "Great piece of publicity." "You're right." "It'll make great reading, except, of course, to your wife." "You better have that rear tire checked." "Well, why didn't you tell him?" "I don't know what to do." "You knew what to do before you thought about your wife." "That's what's really bothering you, isn't it?" "What if it is?" "Same old, Courtney, aren't you?" "Always cautious, safe, and respectable." "You'll never change." ""Oh, Carol, honey, I just happened to run into an old friend at the Ad Club" ""after work and we were just cutting up a few touches when..."" "Cut it out, Peg." "I know that's the way it happened, but..." "She'll find out I've been in town for 10 days, darling." "She won't believe this is the first time you've seen me." "I told her I was going to work late at the office on the new account." "I was, too." "After I had dinner at the club." "How was I to know I was going to see you there?" "Maybe I could just give him a big scare and let him go?" "He'd know there was something fishy if you did that." "He knows my name, too." "Did you see the way he looked at me when he got in the trunk?" "He won't forget I made him do that." "You should have killed him back there." "Killed him?" "Peg, think what you're saying." "Yes, you..." "You could have said that you were just out there alone." "That you stopped there to..." "You know, to think out some business problems." "Who'd buy that?" "A man parked up there alone." "What's so wrong with that?" "Well, it just isn't practical, that's all." "The police have all sorts of ways of checking things, like the tire marks..." "Peg." "What?" "Do you realize we've been driving along seriously discussing murder?" "I'd say it was more killing in self-defense." "But a man's life." "He's not a man, he's a beast." "I'm not leaving until you tell me what you're going to do." "I don't know yet." "But you've got to do something." "I realize that." "Suppose..." "Suppose it never happened?" "But it did!" "No, you don't know what I mean." "We met at the club at dinner, just as we did." "Then we went to my office and discussed the Dixon affair." "Well, that's logical, I guess." "Then I brought you directly here, at half past one." "I don't think anybody will ask anything about it, but if they do, nothing happened." "Think you can bluff that through." "I can try." "Oh, Court!" "I didn't mean to cause you any trouble." "Wasn't your fault." "I was stupid." "Drive up there and start behaving like a sophomore." "I liked it." "So did I." "I was surprised." "Surprised?" "Surprised that I felt this way after such a long time." "Oh, I'm glad." "Court, what do you intend to do about him?" "I don't know." "Whatever it is, it won't involve you." "Good night." "Good night." "Get out." "Okay." "Okay." "Easy now." "Just take it easy." "Hey, look." "Now, please." "Please, Mr. Masterson, if you'd just forget about it, I'd never do it again." "I wish I could believe that." "Oh, you can, honest." "And you wouldn't be sorry, either." "I mean, I'd play it cool from now on, really." "Well, we talked it over, and we decided..." "Where is she?" "The chick, I mean." "Um, Peg." "That's her name, isn't it?" "That's no concern of yours." "You know, if you let me go, you wouldn't have to answer any questions." "So that would be nice, wouldn't it." "I mean, the cops can ask some pretty embarrassing questions." "Listen, I'm trying to give you a break, I'm trying to be nice to you." "Don't make me laugh." "Man, I'm gonna flip." "You don't want them cops around here any more than I do." "Now, suppose we just knock off all this bull and I get out of here." "And from here on out, I don't know you and you don't know me." "For how long?" "You know?" "That's an interesting question." "I hadn't even thought about it." "You would have." "Yeah, you're right, Courtney." "You wanna know something?" "I think you're in worse trouble than me." "So you and I, we'll just forget about it, for a while." "But I'll be seeing you." "Hmm?" "So long, pop." "Wait a minute." "Don't you want this?" "Oh, oh, yeah." "Thanks, Courtney." "I forgot..." "Are you in the habit of picking up hitchhikers, Mr. Masterson?" "No, not as a rule." "Then why did you pick this boy up?" "It was, as you say, after 01:30 in the morning." "Wouldn't you say that was a dangerous thing to do?" "I know it was, now." "I didn't think then." "Where did you think he was going?" "Up the canyon road, somewhere." "I remember thinking at the time how unpleasant it would be to have to walk for any distance up that road at that time of night." "Look, I'm trying to tell you what happened." "I'm trying to cooperate, but..." "But what, Mr. Masterson?" "Well, your questions, they..." "They what?" "Am I on trial or something?" "Should you be?" "Of course not." "I admit I killed the boy, but it was him or me." "He told me he was going to kill me." "I made a grab for the gun, there was a fight and the gun went off." "Outside the car." "I told you it was outside the car." "He made me get out." "He made me put my hands against the car and lean on it." "He must have seen it in the movies or something." "Lieutenant Ward." "Yeah." "Uh-huh." "No, that's fine." "All right." "No, you can bring the car in now." "But we'll keep it a day or two." "Yeah." "All right." "Your story checks insofar as the time of death of the boy is concerned." "You mean, there are other parts of the story that don't check?" "Is there any reason why the rest of your story shouldn't check, Mr. Masterson?" "None whatever." "The boy you killed was named Rudy Stickney." "He has been in and out of trouble since he was 12." "He did time a year ago for armed robbery." "He liked guns." "You're a lucky man, Mr. Masterson." "Lucky he didn't kill you." "I'm sorry if we've seemed to be unnecessarily rough on you, but we had to make sure all the pieces fit." "I understand." "As it is, you probably saved the state a lot of money." "I'm sure that in the end the result would have been the same, but at the tax-payers' expense." "Personally," "I think there is nothing lower than a punk kid who takes advantage of a kindness." "Uh, need I warn you about picking up hitchhikers in the future?" "No." "I've learned my lesson, I really have." "Am I, uh, free to go now?" "Yes, we have your car." "As I said on the phone, we'd like to keep it a day or two, if you don't mind." "Sergeant Phillips will see that you get home in a squad car." "We'll be in touch with you in a few days, Mr. Masterson." "Thank you." "Thank you, Officer." "I've been so worried about you, Courtney." "After your call I just couldn't go back to bed." "It's nothing to worry about." "Everything's under control." "Court?" "Court?" "Why didn't you want me down there with you?" "Well, there was no need." "Did you really kill a man?" "Yes." "Only it was a boy, a young hoodlum." "I picked him up." "He threatened to kill me." "He had a gun." "It must have been horrible out there on that mountain road." "All alone." "Can I get you something to eat?" "No, thanks." "I'll just have a drink." "What I really need is some sleep." "You poor dear." "You must be exhausted." "Weren't you frightened?" "I'd have been scared to death." "Yes, I was frightened." "Want to tell me about it?" "I had dinner at the Ad Club." "Then I went to the office and worked on the Dixon pitch..." "Oh, Mr. Masterson." "Good morning, Rita." "We didn't know you'd be in after what happened." "Well, there was a moment there when I thought I might never be in." "Oh, good morning, Mr. Masterson." "Good morning, Mary." "Mr. Callahan, and Mr. Ivy send their congratulations." "And they want to see you, when you have a moment." "Thank you." "And I want to add my congratulations to it." "It must have been really something." "It was, Mary." "It was." "Oh, Mr. Masterson!" "There's a man waiting for you in my office." "A detective." "Send him in." "Go in, please." "Thank you." "Mr. Masterson, I'm Lester Eldridge." "My secretary says you're from the police." "I suppose you want to talk about last night." "Uh, yes, there are some details to be cleared up." "Well, I told your boys all I know." "They know as much about it as I do." "I told your secretary I was a detective, and I am." "She assumed I was a police detective." "It was an assumption I let her retain." "Actually, I retired from the force two years ago to go into the private end of the business." "For the past five days," "I've been working on a routine case for a suspicious wife." "It was routine until last night." "You weren't out of my sight for two minutes last night, Mr. Masterson." "You know, I thought before I made a report to your wife, or the police, it would be mutually profitable if you and I discussed it first." "Private enterprise should be encouraged." "But I think Mr. Eldridge was carrying it a bit far." "There was one further development, however." "It seems that Mr. Eldridge also had a suspicious wife." "And he too had been followed the preceding night." "If you don't follow that, perhaps you'll be interested in the following, which is what I shall follow." "I have just been surprised by a policeman who was lurking in the underbrush." "He gave me a ticket for reckless driving, parking overtime, speeding, and jay walking." "However, he agreed to tear up the ticket if I would show him how to get out of here." "Next week, I shall return with another story." "Until then, good night."