"Point Place, Wisconsin" "November 24th , 1976 45 pm" "The Bus Station" "Laurie's bus isn't here yet." "Dad, can we get in the car and turn on the heat?" "I'm freezing!" "I'm not wasting gas just so you can be comfortable." "Can we at least go wait inside?" "I'm not going in that bus station with those people!" "God, I'm freezing!" "Oh Eric, I forgot to tell you." "Your sister's bringing a friend home, so you'll be sleeping in the basement." "The basement?" "They should sleep in Laurie's room!" "Oh, and Red, I've been thinking." "Maybe this Thanksgiving, we should skip the big turkey." "Small ones are on sale at Piggly-Wiggly." "This family doesn't scrimp on holidays." "Can you imagine my mother sitting down to a chicken!" "Red, your mother won't eat my cooking anyway so that won't be a problem!" "Dad, they should sleep in the basement!" "Red, last Thanksgiving, she said her jaw wasn't strong enough to chew the turkey." "And that was a magnificent turkey!" "Alright, that's it, hold it!" "Now Kitty, don't get worked up over my mother and you, you're sleeping in the basement!" "And we're all having a happy damn Thanksgiving!" "Mommy, daddy, this is Kate!" "Hi!" "Hi sweetheart!" "Oh, let's get in the car, you must be freezing!" "So, you're Eric." "Your sister didn't tell me you were so cute!" "We are going to have so much fun this weekend!" "Hey you can sleep in my room!" "Get Kate settled into your room." "Yeah." "Oh yeah and hey, don't forget to show her your G.I. Joe dolls!" "That's such a good idea." "That'll give you a chance to tell dad about that professor you're dating!" "What?" "Dad, he's joking." "Gosh, I hope it doesn't get too cold tonight." "I sleep practically naked." "So Kitty, looking forward to Thanksgiving?" "Yes." "Red's mother is coming." "What's that pet name she has for you?" "Whore." "Oh, you know she doesn't bother me as much as she does Red, and he's tense enough with Christmas coming up and him only working part time." "Part time, huh?" "That's rough." "Oh, when Bob gets tense, we take a bubble bath together." "Sucking my naked body really relaxes him." "Mom, Grandma's on the phone!" "Oh, I gotta go!" "So this Kate, is she hot?" "Of course she's hot." "All college girls are hot." "I mean we've all seen the brochures, right?" "Okay, Donna, help me play some music, right now." "So, she's hot." "Oh, so hot!" "Okay, are you okay?" "Umm, yeah." "Donna, how can you be okay?" "There's a college woman sleeping in his bed." "He's sleeping in the basement." "Donna, stair are not going to stop a high school horn dog." "Barbed wire will not stop a high school horn dog." "A wall of fire will not..." "Jackie, I get it, I get it." "Poor Donna, so naive!" "So what do you guys wanna do?" "Eric, I hope it doesn't get too cold tonight." "I sleep practically naked." "Yeah, well, I guess I'm just gonna, just gonna, I'm tuckered out, so..." "I might as well go home!" "So, tell me about school." "Oh, well, I've decided to major in philosophy." "That's good because they just opened up that big philosophy factory in Green bay." "Eric, what did I tell you about being funny?" "I'm, I'm not." "That's right." "Now, sweep the garage." "Yes sir." "I wonder if the Pilgrims were clever enough to put peanut butter in their celery." "Kitty, could you get that?" "I'm fixing the drawer." "Oh dear god." "Your mother has already called me five times this morning Red." "You answer it." "Kitty, I don't wanna talk to her." "She gave birth to you." "Hello, hi Ma." "Really?" "It's for you." "Hello mother Forman." "Uhuh." "Just like I told you, I don't know like a half hour ago, the kids will be there at noon to pick you up." "Yup you're right." "I need to work on my attitude." "Bye then!" "You know, I could've married Bill Bauer." "His mother was dead." "What if he yells at me?" "He's not going to yell at you!" "You're doing him a favor!" "Go!" "Go!" "Red, what a surprise to run into you!" "I live here Bob." "Okay, I'm going in." "I, actually, Red, I just wanted to ask you a favor." "My appliance store gets real busy all over the holidays and I could use a little help down there." "Oh, you're offering me a job." "Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea." "This is not charity." "Charity." "No, not charity." "I'm not looking for work anyway Bob." "But..." "Goodnight Bob." "Midge, he yelled at me!" "Come in!" "Wow." "What?" "Um, I was just coming up here to get something to sleep in." "So, I, I guess I'l see you later." "You can stay and talk a minute if you want." "Okay." "Close the door." "Okay." "So, Kate." "That's short for Katherine, right?" "Yeah, have a seat." "So, have you thought about where you wanna go to school yet?" "Oh." "Well, I like your school." "I found that it was really..." "I have to go to bed now." "Wait, we are in bed." "Oh." "Okay I see." "Okay." "So, goodnight." "Goodnight." "Eric." "Could just... one second..." "Okay, baseball, Vietnam, Richard Nixon, Pat Nixon, Pat Boone, the girl that gives the weather, no, no." "Okay, jellyfish, really big spiders, come on, dig deep, dig deep, okay, the day we backed over Skipper in the driveway." "Instead of going to the county fair, I had to bury him in the backyard." "Okay." "I'm good and goodnight." "Good morning Red." "Happy Thanksgiving." "Well, you're up awful early." "Well, luckily, I had the phone ring when your mother called at five o'clock this morning." "Yeah, that - that is lucky." "Oh, before I forget, Laurie told me what she wants for Christmas." "A portable T.V. for her dorm room." "I'm working part time, she wants a T.V. Great." "Maybe Bob can get you a good deal on one from his store." "I don't need any help from that damned Bob." "You know what he did yesterday?" "He offered me a job." "He did?" "Oh, we have to move away from such an evil man." "Hell, you're a lot of fun in the morning!" "Hey, turkey boy," "wanna show me your giblets?" "So you made out with a college girl?" "Kinda." "Start talking." "Tell it like a story, like a sexy story." "Okay, she like jammed her entire tongue into my mouth and you wouldn't think a girl had like that much tongue." "That is great!" "Oh, oh yeah." "What?" "I don't know, I feel kinda guilty." "Almost like dirty." "Dirty is good." "I like feeling dirty." "No, no, I mean I feel bad." "Look, I think I gotta tell Donna." "Really, well, on behalf of men everywhere..." "Yeah man, the right thing to do is to juggle them both until it all blows up in your face." "Look, you guys don't understand." "I can't hide anything." "The minute she looks at me, she's gonna know." "Hey, what are you guys talking about?" "I kissed a girl." "You what?" "You know that friend my sister brought home from college?" "The slutty one." "Yeah, um, I kissed her." "Why are you telling me this?" "I, I feel guilty because it was like really kissing." "So, what we do isn't really kissing?" "I thought you should know considering that you and I have a thing." "Right?" "Well, obviously we don't have a thing if you're running around kissing slutty girls right?" "Okay, you're mad." "Mad, no." "Why should I be mad, in fact, you can kiss whatever you want." "Start with your own butt!" "Why are you here?" "Why are you always here?" "It's Thanksgiving, don't you have families?" "Ugh!" "Donna, you wanna talk?" "I guess Donna didn't take it very well." "Take what well?" "Eric made out with Kate." "Anything else?" "Your son is a whore!" "Eric," "now Donna came through here looking very upset." "Would you have any idea what that's about?" "I have no idea." "She seemed fine when we – um, you already know." "Of course I know." "Donna is such a sweet kid." "How could you do this to her?" "I don't know." "It seems like bad things are always happening to me, like I have bad luck or something." "Son, you don't have bad luck." "The reason that bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass." "Now fix it!" "Look, Donna, um, can we talk?" "I'll leave you two alone." "No." "You should stay." "We don't have secrets in our house, we don't sneak on each other like a little horny rat, kissing other girls." "Look, Donna, please come to my house for Thanksgiving desert." "Everyone's gonna be there, you always come." "Please don't let some stupid thing that I did wreck that." "Well, I can't depend on you, so why should you be able to depend on me?" "Look, Donna, please, okay," "I'm really sorry, and I feel really bad." "Good!" "Poor thing!" "Mom!" "Oh you, of course I meant you!" "Amen." "Let's eat." "Now, is everything on the table?" "I still feel like I forgot something." "Oh my god, I forgot your mother!" "Go!" "Hello Mother Forman!" "No, I didn't forget you!" "Oh, I don't know, the Kids left a half hour ago to pick you up." "I can't imagine what's keeping them." "Put that back." "The Toyota's blocking the car, I need the keys!" "Hold on one teeny tiny second." "For the love of God, move!" "Are you sure they're not there?" "Look out your window." "Now, do you have your glasses on?" "Where's your grandma?" "She's not coming." "She said she's going to cousin Joe's for Thanksgiving." "Ah, it's not so bad." "Actually, she said it was a shame she couldn't spend what might be her last Thanksgiving with her family." "But she does hope we all enjoy ourselves." "Well, you know what?" "That's just fine." "I don't need to kiss some old lady's A.S.S on my holiday." "You heard what I spelled." "Forget it." "So, you give an employees discount down there at your store?" "Twenty percent." "Does that cover anything like, oh, say, portable T.V.s?" "Oh, heck yeah." "Congratulations Bob, you just hired a man." "Good, I'm glad to hear it Red." "You know you'll have to call me Mr. Pinciotti at work." "Oh, I got you good that time!" "Hey Donna, I'm so glad you came." "Only came because my mom made me." "Okay?" "Hey Donna, alright, good to see you!" "Got you some pie!" "I don't want any stupid pie." "What, I didn't kiss her!" "Hey there Bob, you wanna piece of pie?" "Oh yeah." "Hey Donna..." "Hey, don't get all tough with me!" "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" "Okay, sure." "No look, we need to talk." "I'll start, get out!" "What do you want me to say?" "I already apologized." "You just wanna forget about us because I kissed some girl?" "Why did you do it?" "Well, I have on pretty good authority that I'm a dumbass." "So, you liked it?" "Yeah, I liked it." "No would've been a better answer." "Donna, look, that kiss was great and if I could take it back," "I would because it's not worth ruining what you and I have." "Eric, you are a dumbass!" "So is that like I forgive you dumbass, or get out of my house you dumbass." "Oh, I'll say the first one." "Wow!" "Tongue!" "Oh yeah." "Okay well, let's go to desert." "Just, um, one second..." "Donna?" "Just one minute." "Silk sheets, Joe Nameth's butt, Strawberries," "Slow dancing, Ugh the washing machine with an unbalanced load." "Well, I'm good!"