"Come and knock on our door we've been waiting for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company too come and dance on our floor take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face" "three's company too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is calling for you down at our rendezvous three's company too" "hi." "Anything for me?" "You." "Oh, it's where you'd spring from i've been walking behind you since you got off the bus." "Ing?" "Why didn't you say someth i was enjoying the view from the rear." "E. That's not my best featur you've never seen it walking up the stairs." "I mean, i know there's not a lot of you, but you move it around nicely." "What are y ou, some kind of sex maniac?" "Well, if you're going to be any kind of maniac, that's the kind to be." "Don't you ever think of anything else?" "Yeah, like right now i'm thinking, how come i opened the front door without a key?" "Maybe chrissy's home." "Chrissy?" "Maybe she's taking a shower." "Ook." "You're ri ght." "I'll go I hold it." "I don't hear any water running." "I'll go look anyway." "Maybe she's taking a bath." "Now, will you stop kidding around?" "Ng?" "Which one of us was the last to leave the house this morni that's hard to say, you and chrissy left before i did." "Or?" "Did you forg et to lock the do un-unh." "Rs?" "Burgla ck." "Ja there's been a lot of break-ins around here lately you're right." "Ce." "That young couple next door, they've been ripped off twi you mean horace and mike?" "Burglars don't care about your sex life." "Pictures, plants, lamp, uh, well nothing seems to be missing." "Jack." "Ng nothing seems to be missing, janet, so you have nothi to worry about unless the burglars are still here." "You had to find someth ing to worry about." "Maybe they're hiding." "Hmm?" "You-you want to go and look in the bedroom?" "Em?" "Why disturb th" "all right." "If you're chicken, i'll go." "No, you stay whe re you are." "After all, who' s the man around here?" "My luck." "Right." "Charlie, bill, you stay outside, careful with those shot guns." "Fred?" "Yes, sir!" "Fred, listen carefully, take the muzzle off of the doberman." "That's it." "I'll go in first, if they have any sense, they'll make a run for it" "there's nobody in there." "Om?" "Oh, what about your ro hmm?" "Your room?" "Oh, my god, what a mess." "Somebody broke in." "No, that's just the way i left it." "There's just one more place huh?" "Bathroom." "Bathroom?" "Yeah." "No, that's clean." "Io?" "Wait a minut e, where's the rad it's right over here on this empty shelf." "No, oh, no, no, no we're out $300." "Oh, janet, that's ridiculous." "That little radio couldn't be worth $300." "Ope but underneath that litt le radio was an envel cash." "With our rent mone y in it - $300 what?" "Yeah, let's call the police now, wait, wait, don't panic." "Let's check first." "Maybe it slid down or fell under something." "Okay let's move the plants." "You see anything?" "No." "Oh." "You scared me half to death." "Jack?" "Oh, that's okay, i had to go to the bathroom anyway." "On?" "What is going oh, chrissy." "Chrissy." "Now, i want you to think very carefully." "What about this morning- yeah before you left for work yeah." " Did you touch the rent money?" "O. Yeah, when i t ook the radi you took the radio?" "Yeah, i took it to be repaired." "Oh, boy, you took it to be repaired." "We were just about to call the police." "Oh." "What did you do with the rent money?" "Helf." "Oh, i just left it over th ere on that-empty s call the police." "The hair is real ly getting thin back here e, you know, it's fu nny, when you get to be my ag o." "That's al ways the first thing to g" "not in your case, stanley." "Look." "Look, aren't those pretty?" "Us." "Gorgeo are you peeping at that blonde again?" "What blonde?" "The blonde you're always peeping at?" "Out." "I don't know what you're talking ab the one in 105." "107." "I got news for you, stanley, you've got competition." "We had a peeping tom the other night." "Up." "You're making that no, i'm not." "I saw him plain as anything." "He was looking in our bedroom window and yawning." "D. You must have be en getting undresse" "se?" "Where'd you get tho oh, chrissy gave them to me, aren't they beautiful?" "Yeah, almost as good as mine." "They are yours;" "she got them from your garden." "She what now, don't get mad, stanley." "It's the thought that counts." "You know, i think we ought to do something for those kids in return, like, uh, well, take them out to dinner." "R?" "Take them out to dinner-what fo well, just to be neighborly." "I don't want to be neighborly t if they would move out, i could rent that apartmen ey." "For a lot more mon aw, come on, stanley." "It-it'd be fun." "Please." "Careful, you're using u p my hair ther e." "Oh, come on, stanley, just a little something to give them pleasure." "You were young once." "Do you remember the little things that used to give you pleasure?" "Watching the wright brothers fly for the first time?" "Aw, come on, stanley." "Come on." "All righ t." "I'll invite the m out to dinne r." "It'll give me a res t from your cookin g." "Good." "Okay." "You go and invite them, and i'll look for something to wear oh, are you coming too?" "$300 and we're wiped out." "Do you realize how long it takes me to save $300?" "How long?" "Now." "I don't k ing." "I'm still sav oh, boy, do i know what you mean, chrissy." "Ry." "Well, i can just c no, chrissy, crying won't help anything." "What we've got to do is raise the $300 for this month's rent." "That was last month's rent." "We're already a month behind." "Well, we've g ot to raise the money somehow maybe we can sell something i've only got one thing worth selling and i was hoping to save that until i got married." "My grandmother's wedding ring." "Maybe-maybe we should just tell roper." "Nd." "Yeah, any reasonable man would understa oh, you're right, we can't tell roper." "R?" "Tripper, jack trippe yeah." "Oh, yes, that's me, officer i'm the one who phoned in about the stolen money." "Oh, no, no, no, no, officer, there are no signs of forcible entry." "You know, we don't know how those burglars got in here." "Well, this key might give us a clue oh, we keep that out there for our own use." "No one else is supposed to use it." "Is there anything else missing?" "Yes, sir, a transistor radio, black with a silver dial, the volume knob is missing." "No, you're forgetting, i took that to be repaired." "Which chrissy took to be repaired, so it's not missing, sir." "Tell me, are you in the habit of leaving $300 in cash lying around?" "We're not in the habit of having $300." "That was our rent money." "You see, every week we colle ct some money for the pot" "oh, i mean the kitty." "And you, uh, kept this cash hanging around loose?" "Of course not." "Se." "It wasn't loo nt" it was in a big wh ite envelope with the word "re printed on it." "Oh, this, uh, $300, do you have the numbers of the notes?" "Yes." "S. Two of them were fifti es, fifteen of them were ten" "ng?" "And there was noth ing else missi well, not exactly missing, but there are always things we can't find, small things, you know, like lipstick or- k?" "You can't f ind your lipstic no, uh, janet or chrissy's or my odd socks." "I mean those items are not exactly missing, they're just lost." "I mean they're always here somewhere but you can't find them, but that's not quite what you're talking about is it?" "They didn't tak e the television set v. I wonder why t hey didn't take the t have you seen some of these new shows?" "Look, officer, we are really in a bind here." "You see, if we tell our landlord that we can't pay the rent, he won't believe us." "N, but if you tell him that the money was stole he'll believe it." "What a super idea, janet." "Thank you." "N?" "You want me to tell the landlord that the rent money is stole please?" "T?" "How many times have yo u pulled this stun what stunt?" "Oh, come on, son, you're no t dealing with a rookie." "L. Next time you want to fake a burglary, make it look rea fake?" "V, break up a few thing s, get rid of the t nd and think up a better stor y than leaving $300 lying arou t." In an envelope marked "ren pid." "Nobody's that stu we are." "N. You know, you're lu cky i don't run you all i hey, wait a minute." "Yes, sir?" "Thank you for not running us all in, officer." "He didn't even read us our rights what time is it?" "Six o'clock oh, that means roper will be here any minute to collect the rent." "Oh, he warned us last month if we don't have that money today- oh, he won't really throw us out." "Oh." "Are you kidding?" "He would enj oy throwing us out." "Oh, god what are we going to do?" "All right." "We're going to buy the only time." "We'll go down to the pub and hide out." "Why it's mr." "Roper." "Look at mr." "Roper." "It's mr." "Roper." "Hi." "Hi." "How you doing there?" "I'm fine, thank you i just came here to tell you mr." "Roper, would you like to step inside for just a moment?" "Oh, thank you very much." "Thank you." "Like i was saying, i told the wife, you know, they're really not bad kids , why don't we invite them to dinner tonight?" "Are you still sulking about those kids walking out on you?" "It." "I don't want to talk about we discussed it enou gh last night you mean i discussed it." "You fell asleep right in the middle." "P. I did not fall aslee you did too." "You fall asleep in the middle of everything." "You know, i don't know how you do it, helen." "Do what?" "You've only been up a hal f an hour but your tongue has already put in an eight hour shift." "T?" "Why'd they run aw ay from me like tha you know, maybe there's something about you that i've grown used to that other people still notice." "Your tongue just went into overtime oh, you know, stanley, you shouldn't blame the kids." "It was probably just a misunderstanding." "Not on my part you're right, dear." "I am?" "Yes." "So why don't you go up there again tonight and ask them out to dinner?" "After what they did to me, no, i'm not taking them any place." "Why should i?" "For me." "You've got to giv e me a better reason." "All right, i will." "Now, i have a lot of things i was going to do today." "I was going to go shopping." "I was going to go to the beauty parlor." "I was going to have a walk on the beach, but i'm giving that all up so i can stay home with you and talk." "And talk, and talk- helen." "While you're reading your newspaper, while you're watching the tv, while you're taking your nap." "All right." "I'll do it." "Oh, thank you, stanley." "You're not welcome." "What are we going to d o about the rent r." "We can't go on avoidi ng roper foreve what about that boss of yours, that one who's always chasing you around, you think you could get an advance out of him?" "Only if i let him catch me." "Where's jack?" "Oom." "He's in the bathr still?" "And they talk about women." "You know, he stays in that bathroom twice as long as we do." "E. Well, he has to shav we have to put on our makeup." "E. And he likes to read in ther oh." "He says it kills two birds with one stone." "Good morning." "How you doing?" "Oh, gee." "Do you have to walk around the house in your underwear?" "This is not underwear, it's my bathing suit." "I ran out of clean shorts." "T. Oh, well, in that ca se it's all righ why wasn't it all right before?" "R. Because before i thought it was your underwea yeah, but it's still the same shorts." "You can't tell the difference." "I can." "How?" "Because your underpants have giraffes on them." "You don't catch us walking around the apartment in our underwear." "You've been too quick for me." "Hey, don't you have any friends who can loan us some money?" "The guys i know don't have that kind of dough, except charlie; he suddenly came into a lot of money." "Well, call him." "I can't, he's in jail." "You're a big help." "Well, how about you two, you should be able to raise some money." "Hey, why don't we have a garage sale?" "We don't have a garage." "We could rent one." "With what?" "With the money we make from the sale, dummy?" "How about you, janet, can you get a loan?" "Oh, forget it." "I always have trouble getting loans, even though i go in there with ten impeccable references." "What's the trouble?" "They always check them out." "Well, i guess no loans." "Loans." "Yes, loans." "No, no loans, yes loans." "Yes, loans is the key." "He's really flipped out." "Should i call a doctor or get a net?" "Why didn't i think of that before?" "I'm such an idiot." "That's the answer;" "there is a financial aid department at my school." "They give loans to students in need." "Fantastic." "They have to make up a really sad story." "Well, you've got one." "Hum?" "You were robbed, weren't you?" "Yeah." "And if you don't pay the rent, they're going to throw you out in the street." "Yeah." "And just to clinch it, tell them you've got two weak girls depending on you." "Yeah." "Well, what are you waiting for?" "Can i tell them you're pregnant get out of here." "Now, there's just a few questions." "Uh, what did you want this money for?" "Well, the rent money was stolen, our apartment was burgled, they just smashed right in." "Dear, dear." "You know, sometimes i think it would be better just to leave the front door open." "We'd probably be safer that way i mean, burglars would think it was a trick and not come in." "There's one thing i'd li ke to mention, mr." "Travis, i don't have any collateral jack, as a student here all you have to prove is need." "Oh, we need, we need." "That's good enough for me oh, now, you said we, does that mean you share the apartment?" "With a couple of roommates who don't have any money either and since it's harder for a woman to get a loan then a man, i decided it was up to me, so here i am." "You're living with a woman?" "Oh, um, yeah, but that won' hurt my application, will it?" "Ke." "Jack, jack, this is the ' 70s, for heaven's sa i mean, this is a colleg e, not a monastery." "You a loan approva l doesn't depend on how e." "Conduct your private lif oh, good." "O?" "She doesn't happen to b e a student to oh, no, she's a typist." "Oh yes, uh, well, that's all right o?" "Now, uh, what does you r other roommate d oh, uh, she works in a flower shop." "I really appreciate this, mr." "Travis." "You live with two girls?" "You know, what's so nice is that you seem to have a terrific understanding of my problems." "It's a real load off my mind, believe me." "Two girls?" "That's right." "Well, now, uh, well, uh, how long did you want to take to pay this off, i mean, six, twelve, eighteen months?" "Oh, may as well go for the eighteen, huh?" "May as well." "You live with two girls?" "You'd like them." "They're lovely, hard working." "Oh, yes, yes, yes, now" "$300, are you sure this is going to be enough?" "I don't believe in biting off more than i can chew." "You don't?" "Let's see." "I figure, what, $300." "If i can save $20 a- two girls?" "Mr. Travis, i really don't want that to bother you." "I promise i'll pay back the loan." "I know i work a six hour school day and i have to study all night, but i also find time to pick up part-time jobs when when?" "What can i tell you, i almost had the money right in my hand and then mr." "Travis asked me about my father and that ruined it." "Are you illegitimate?" "No." "He wanted to know how much my father made for a living." "Oh, oh, i see." "So he could be sure you'd pay the loan back." "No, so he could be sure i couldn't." "I don't get it." "Neither did i." "You see, my father earns over $6,000 a year, which means i am not a hardship case." "How about that?" "If my father were poor and starving, we'd all be sitting pretty." "Lousy break." "What a what are we going to do now?" "I've got a thought." "We mustn't despair." "Ht?" "Well, what's your thoug that's it, we mustn't despair." "We don't need philosophy, jack, we need money." "It's the ropers." "I'm taking a shower." "That'll keep him out for the night, huh?" "Are you kidding?" "Keep him out?" "He'll be back as soon as he figures it out." "It's the pub for us again grab your coats and let's get out of here okay." "How'd they get away this time?" "Hold it." "Come back here." "This time nobody's leaving." "Helen, lock that door." "Come on, kojak, why don't you just tell them why you came." "In." "Look, we can expla i don't want any explanation." "I just want yes or no." "All right, no, with an explanation." "No?" "You mean you don't want to have dinner with us?" "What?" "T?" "He's trying to in vite you out to dinner tonigh is that all?" "Well, maybe we can go bowling afterwards." "We acc ept and thank you very much." "My pleasure." "My idea." "My money." "Oh, wow, and here all along we thought you were coming up to collect the rent." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "You say someth ing about the rent i don't remember." "Because you already paid it." "No, mr." "Roper, she didn't- - we did?" "Yeah, you remember i came up to fix the sink yesterday?" "There was an envelope that said rent on it, so naturally i took it." "Oh, we thought we'd been robbed we had the police here and everything." "Why didn't you leave us a receipt?" "A receipt." "I always-do you think i would take something without leaving the receipt?" "Look here's my receipt book right here." "See, here's my copy and there's your copy." "Thanks." "We all make mistakes." "Don't put yourself down , stanley;" "ne." "You do it better than anyo" "let's go eat." "I'm starved." "Oh, me too." "Helen, i'll take care of you later." "Promises, promises" "three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audience."