"[upbeat music]" "♪" " The key to the perfect anniversary present for your parents is simple, know your audience." "And since my folks love what I bring to the table," "I make them the same thing every year:" "this awesome coffee mug!" " Coffee mug?" "I thought it was a paperweight." " Paperweight?" "That thing is definitely a pencil holder." " Negatory." "Clearly it's a bust of German philosopher Immanuel Kant." " I "Kant" even tell what it is." "[laughs]" " Clearly no one can figure out what that thing is." "No wonder Mom and Dad just throw all your old gifts in the attic." "all: [gasp]" " What?" "Lola must've been messing around with me." "Mom and Dad love my paperweights." "I mean, coffee mugs!" "What's this?" "Do not open." "Okay." "[gasps] It's true." "Mom and Dad do hate my gifts!" " If you turn your head to the side and squint, it almost looks like Aunt Shirley." "[scream]" " Or an inflamed liver." " When he's this pathetic, it takes all the joy out of making fun of him." " I can hear you!" "together:" "We know!" " Mom and Dad's anniversary is tomorrow." "What am I gonna do?" "[camera shutter clicks]" " Oh, I think an idea's developing." "Aah!" "I've figured out the perfect present for Mom and Dad!" "Ta-da!" " You're giving them Dad's old camera?" " Wow, you are cheap." " No, not the camera!" "A photograph of all of us!" " Why use that old thing when you can just use a cell phone?" " Because that would be like painting the "Mona Lisa" with a crayon." " Wow, this may be the year you don't fail miserably and crush Mom and Dad's souls." " Thank you for the vote of confidence." "Everyone to the backyard!" "Okay, that's it." "Leni, scooch to the left." " Your other left." " [giggles]" " Perfect." "Someone grab Lily." "Thank you." "Good." "Just gotta set the timer and... everybody say cheese!" "all:" "Chee..." " When is it gonna flash?" "My jaw is cramping up!" "all: eeeeee..." " Give it a second." "all: eeeee..." " Yeah, I knew he'd blow it." "Let's do selfies instead." " Totes!" " No, wait--Doi!" " I "nose" just what this picture needs!" "[laughs]" " Come on, Luan, you can't wear those in the photo." " Oh, don't be such a Groucho!" "[laughs]" " What this photo needs are some tunes!" " No, no, no, no, no, photographs don't have-- [loud chord] - sound!" " You're ruining the picture!" "Maybe you should take off that gross hat!" " Maybe you should take off that gross face!" "[indistinct arguing]" " Lily!" "Where is your diaper?" "Guys, please!" "Can we all just settle down?" "[camera shutter clicks]" " Look at us, we're like a vision of insanity." "I can't give this to Mom and Dad." "It's worse than Aunt Shirley." "Argh!" "I mean, my coffee mug!" "I've got to give them a better picture." "The perfect picture." "Time for a do-over." " Mirror, mirror in my hand." "Who's the prettiest in the land?" " Not you, once Mudzilla gets a hold of you!" "[growls]" " Aah!" " [coughs]" "Hey!" "You washed off my mud!" "Ha ha!" "You got spray" " Perfect!" " Hey!" "You washed off my makeup!" " Good news, guys." "We're taking another family picture." "both:" "But we already did one!" " Stay right here." "And no more mud or makeup." "both:" "What?" " Thank you for understanding!" "Look, I'm all about self-expression, but this new picture needs to be perfect, so I'm gonna need you to keep your diaper on." " [giggles and babbles]" " Thanks for understanding." " Poo-poo!" "[babbles]" " Let's just put a pin in this for now." " If the hypotenuse of a right triangle is the mean proportional between segments, then" " Hey, Lisa, we're doing another family picture." "How about we lose the glasses and do something with your hair?" "[kazoo blurts] [off-key guitar chord] [horn blows] [bell dings]" " Or just lose the glasses." " But, Lincoln, my astigmatism." "[crash, thudding]" " [groans] - [glass shatters]" " It's okay!" "It's just a hairline fracture." " Did I hear we're taking more photos?" "Yay!" "Uh-oh." "Guess we'll have to wait till after this solar eclipse." "Whoa." "You're like a wizard... or a weatherman." " Maybe you should wear these for the picture, Leni." "They make you look, umm, even smarter than you already are." " Wow!" "Thanks!" "Aah!" "[groans]" "I'm all right!" "I landed on Lisa!" " Okay, now it's a break." " Okay, just stay here!" " But" " Here's some ice packs!" "And a bandage!" "together:" "Okay, throw them!" " Okay, guys." "Time to take a new picture." " A new picture?" "No way." " Ya ready, Lynn?" "Fetch, girl!" " [panting]" " Good, Lynn!" "Now stay!" "[upbeat music]" "♪" " When did we get grass in our bedroom?" " Time to take a new picture." " Sweet!" "Let me just grab my axe." " And I'll get my funny nose and glasses." " Dudes!" "Where's my axe?" " And where are my glasses?" " Uh, silly props are not going to be in this picture." "You'll get them back after we get the shot." " You took our stuff?" " Then we're not gonna be in your picture!" " Hmm." "Sure would be a shame if something happened to your things." " This picture thing has changed you, dude." " Which is exactly why I'm not going to be in it." " Which is exactly why I took the liberty of replacing you." " You what?" "[doorbell rings]" " Oh, Lori, I believe you know Carol Pingrey." "Didn't she beat you out for homecoming queen?" " Let's get this over with." " Okay, everyone excited?" "So am I!" "Ah!" "There you are!" "You aren't getting that diaper off now!" "Okay, pets, move on in!" "Okay!" "Almost there, just a few more fixes." "Open up!" "You, too." "together:" "You look thilly." " Okay, give it here, girl." " [growls]" " What?" " That hair." " What about it?" "But this hair isn't me, dude!" " And this glasses isn't I, either!" " Trust me!" "You guys look great!" " Okay, Lucy." "I'm gonna need you to smile." " I can't see that happening." " I can't see anything happening!" " Ya know, some folks think taking someone's picture actually steals their soul." " Oh?" " Yeah!" "Just think of it." "Your soul trapped and tormented inside a camera for all eternity." "[metal creaks]" " Close enough!" "Okay, I think we're ready." "Hmm, still needs something to pull it all together." "I know!" "Now this is a perfect picture." " What was wrong with the other one?" " Oh, well, uh, it was kind of..." "You guys were a little, uh..." " A little what, Lincoln?" " Yourselves?" "all: [grumbling]" " So that's what this is all about." "You don't like us the way we are." " Well, I--you see, that is to say, I, uh..." " Okay, guys, let's all put on perfect smiles for" "Lincoln's perfect picture, because heaven forbid we be our actual, literal selves!" "together:" "Cheese." " Lori," "I didn't mean--uh, um..." "Actually, that's pretty perfect." "[camera shutter clicks]" " Thanks so much, guys!" "I really appreciate your" "Guys?" "Guys?" "Huh." "Guess they must've had something else to do." "My days of giving lame anniversary presents are over." "Mom and Dad are gonna love this!" "Look at us." "We're like a vision of perfection." " Mirror, mirror in my hand." "Who's the prettiest in the land?" " Not you, after the mud monster gets you!" " [screams]" " Roar!" " Aah!" " Come back here!" " [screaming]" " [roaring]" " Hey, guys!" "I got the picture framed." "both: [giggling]" " [blows raspberry] both: [laughing]" "[rock music]" " Computing of the original formulation." "Okay, parameters-- both: [giggling]" "all: [laughing]" "together:" "Happy anniversary!" " Thanks, kids!" " Ooh, whose present should we open first?" " Mine!" " Oh, come on, girls, let's all let Lincoln give his perfect little present." " Yeah." "I sure hope it's perfect enough." " Oh, Lincoln, this is wonderful!" "It's the best gift we've ever gotten!" " It's going above the mantle right now!" " Lincoln, you bonehead." "You gave them the wrong picture." " Yep!" "I knew you'd blow this, too." " No, I gave them the right one." "The one that shows the real you, the perfect you." "together:" "Aww, thank you, Lincoln!" " By the way, you all might wanna put your presents for Mom and Dad in here." "Since they'll all look super lame next to my awesome gift." "all: [grumbling]" " Just perfect." " Poo-poo."