"You make man?" "No." "Woman." "Woman." "[MUSIC" " OINGO BOINGO, "WEIRD SCIENCE"]" "THEME SONG:" "Weird science." "Ooo!" "Pictures from a magazine, diagrams and charts, mending broken hearts, and making weird science." "Something like a recipe, bits and pieces, bits and pieces." "My creation, is it real?" "It's my creation, ooo, my creation." "It's my creation!" "No heart of gold-- just flesh and blood." "I do not know." "It's my creation, ooo, my creation." "It's my creation!" "From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand?" "It's alive!" "Alive!" "[BELL RINGS]" "Now let's get ready to rumble!" "In this corner, hailing from Lancaster, PA, and weighing in at 21 stone, Zebediah" "Schmitt, the Amish Avenger!" "Yeah!" "And his opponent, straight from St. Peter's Basilica, weighing in at a divine 305 pounds, the Monsignor of Mayhem," "Cardinal Carnage!" "[BOOING]" "Let's roll." "Stay clean, stay clean." "I'm glad you asked us along, Chett." "This is fun." "Fun?" "You call two guys beating each other into bloody pulps fun?" "This is the legacy of the Roman gladiator." "Noble combat between honor of the warriors." "I guess the grant just sort of went over my head." "Come on, Zebediah!" "Bite his ass again." "ANNOUNCER:" "Cardinal Carnage is feeling all of that one." "These seats suck." "What do you mean?" "They're ringside." "Best seats Daddy Donnelly's platinum card could buy." "Well, maybe I'd enjoy it more if I wasn't six freaking inches tall." "Shh." "Chett'll hear you." "Hey, stop poking me." "Your nipples are like hubcaps." "Sorry It's cold in here." "CHETT:" "Carnage is a wussy!" "Carnage is a wussy!" "Carnage is a wussy!" "Carnage is a wussy!" "Carnage is a wussy!" "Carnage is a wussy!" "Carnage is-- a wussy." "Shut up, you little stinking puke." "Who's gonna make me, altar boy." "Chett, shut up!" "Lighten up, sis." "This is what wrestling is all about." "We heckle them, they yell back at us." "It's all in good fun." "Hey, didn't I see you at the Michael Bolton concert?" "He's done." "Chett, no." "Do something." "He's going to get killed." "Well, if that's the case" "[ZAPPING]" "Dibs on his seat." "Is something funny, you wafer-eating pantywaist?" "Now, it's my turn." "ANNOUNCER:" "Oh, my God!" "Carnage just decked a fan into the ring." "This moron's going to get maimed." "Blood, blood, blood!" "You know, he is gonna get killed if we don't do something." "Blood, blood, blood, blood!" "OK, let's make it a fair fight." "[ZAPPING]" "Oops." "I got Wyatt, too." "ANNOUNCER:" "Oh, my God!" "He's got Cardinal Carnage is a scissor lock." "Who is this mystery fan?" "Whoa, was that me?" "Put him on, Chett!" "You turned them both into wrestlers?" "They each got half the spell." "But as long as they're together, they can't be beat." "Oh, you know that's going to leave a mark." "ANNOUNCER:" "Unbelievable!" "These two scrawny nobodies have come out of nowhere to defeat Cardinal Carnage." "Did we just do all this?" "What the hell is going on?" "I don't know, but I like it." "These guys are great." "Thank you, thank you." "Very, very flattered." "I can't believe two little guys like you took out Cardinal Carnage." "Well, he had it coming." "A man shouldn't make fun of another man's musical preferences." "Welp." "Come here, you two guys." "Huh?" "Come here." "Friend of yours, sis?" "Pauly Spaccino, World Wrestling Federation." "I want to sign you two, boys." "You got a raw talent like I've never seen before." "You two guys-- you're going to be big." "You're even going to be bigger than that Disney flick with the farting warthog." "Look, Mr. Spaccino, me and my brother aren't wrestlers." "You two guys are brothers?" "That's great." "That's great." "All right, let me think." "Let me think." "Hey, how's this?" "How's this?" "Mama's Little Psychos?" "Huh?" "Don't like the psycho bit?" "OK, I've got other ideas." "All right, let me bounce around a couple of names here, all right?" "How about Slash and Burn?" "Rough and Tumble?" "Blue Cross and Blue Shield?" "Any of these fog up your windshields yet?" "No." "I'm out of here." "But this is our big chance." "Come on, Wyatt." "Please." "Wyatt?" "Since when do you call me Wyatt?" "Whatever happened to Pit Lick and Marble Bag?" "Pit Lick and Marble Bag!" "I like it!" "That's great!" "Would you please give it a rest?" "You're right." "You're right, you're right, you're right." "Big decisions." "I'll just leave you and your brother to wrestle it out amongst yourselves." "Huh?" "Get it?" "I love you guys." "You're gonna be big stars." "Take it from me." "Look, bro, obviously our family has this incredible gift for wrestling that we never knew about." "Come on." "We're brothers." "I'm Uncle Slam!" "And I'm Paul Severe." "Together, we're the Yankee Dudes!" "And the Meat Market Boys better watch out because Paul Severe's taking a midnight ride on their spines!" "And remember, Meat Market Boys, Saturday night at the Garden," "Uncle Slam wants you!" "[GRUNTING]" "And cut!" "That was beautiful." "Are these tights to clingy?" "Excuse me." "I'm King Kong Bundy, and I was wondering, if you weren't busy, you wouldn't mind stepping out with me this evening." "Oh, darn, boy." "I mean, just look at you." "What girl wouldn't it's just tonight I have my meeting." "What meeting?" "Children of Parents." "It's a big group, and they're expecting me to bring the potato salad." "OK." "Rain check?" "Yeah, that sounds great." "Bye." "ANNOUNCER:" "What a drop by Uncle Slam." "The Irish Assassin is out of the ring." "Looks like Paul Severe's about to unleash his patented finishing move, The Patriot Missile." "Some match, huh?" "Nice moves out there." "I think you broke The Sphinx's nose." "Well, he grabbed me by my tights" "You've got to love a job where you get paid to moon a crowd of thousands." "They saw my butt?" "Just the top." "Pre-crack, no pimples." "Hey, Chett." "This past couple of weeks has been" "Mm-hmm?" "And, uh, well, you know." "Yeah?" "And you." "[MUTTERING]" "That needed to be said." "Oh, yeah." "You have hung your tights on my locker." "So?" "It's only a locker." "It's not like I took a whiz in it." "We Germans do not appreciate the jokes about the vizzing." "Look, remove the tights, wipe off the cooties, and, uh, presto." "Good as new." "You have not wiped off all the cooties." "What do you want from us?" "I would like to remove his head from his shoulders." "Shove my fist in his cranial socket and make a ghastly hand puppet." "Yeah?" "Would you like me to show you what I'm going to do with my little hand?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "This is beautiful." "This is beautiful." "I've been wanting to introduce you three guys." "Gentlemen, this is Der Blitzkreigar." "He's the federation's singles champ." "This is the guy who put Bobby "The Cuisinart" Mencia in that electric wheelchair." "Yeah, well, maybe someday we'll meet in the ring." "Maybe someday soon." "One, two, three!" "[BELL RINGS]" "One, two, three!" "[BELL RINGS]" "We have winners!" "Ladies!" "Wyatt, Chett!" "Let those other girls have the beefcake." "You've always been my favorite." "I have?" "Uh-huh." "Can I have your autograph?" "Sure." "Anything for a beautiful fan." "Oh." "I thought you were Screech." "This wish bites." "Everything's Chett and Wyatt, Chett and Wyatt." "Woo-hoo-hoo!" "I can't get a girl to notice me." "I thought for sure this wrestling thing would get me in the saddle." "Your problem is you're trying to leech of somebody else's fame." "So?" "Worked for all those Baldwin brothers." "If you want to meet a girl, just be nice." "Walk up and offer to take her out for ice cream." "Girls love that." "Make it Chunky Monkey." "Girls really love Chunky Monkey." "You just get weirder by the day, don't you?" "Here comes Chett." "I better take off." "Hi, Lisa." "Oh, hi, King." "I was wondering about that rain check." "Tonight?" "Oh, um" "That's what I figured." "Don't worry, I understand." "Why would a beautiful woman like you want to go for ice cream with a big lug like me?" "Ice cream?" "I was hoping." "What's your favorite flavor?" "Mine's Chunky Monkey." "Mine too." "Seconds?" "Oh, my God." "It's happening." "What?" "Hanging out with wrestlers is finally paying off." "I found a taker." "I think I got a shot at taking the middle on a three-hour tour." "Hi." "Let's get right to it." "The name's Gary, close personal friend of the undefeated Yankee" "Dudes." "And look, no ring." "Get it while it's fresh." "Ooh." "But the real question is do you have experience?" "You kidding?" "I'm a Barry White album with feet." "Good." "Because I'd hate for you die a virgin." "Meet my boyfriend." "First, we put the peanuts in the grinder." "Then, we shall make the peanut butter." "That'll go real well with the jelly" "I'm going to make out of you." "Thanks." "Now get out of here, Wallace." "Now, you want to mess with the little wimp, you got to go through me first." "Yeah." "First I break you." "Then I use the spindly, effeminate one to floss your remains from my teeth." "That was my beer." "So now is it time that we shall fight?" "Ya?" "Ya indeed-e-doo-dah." "Yo!" "Take that to the ring." "Good idea." "You, me, in the ring after hours." "No ref, no rules, and no partners." "Like at the end of "Rocky II."" "You could take him." "Little bro, order me a cold one." "I'll be back after I tear down that Berlin Wall." "He'll be fine." "He's fighting with genie power." "Yeah, he's-- uh-oh." "You know those little things that don't seem important at the time so you never think to mention them." "Things like what?" "Oh, you know, things like Lisa saying the magic doesn't work unless you and Chett are together." "What are you telling me, Gary?" "Chett's defenseless against the condominium that kills?" "Oh, man, you are about to meet a world of hurt, Blondie." "You do not frighten me, little man." "We Germans are trained in the discipline of [SPEAKING GERMAN]" "With each one's private parts are repeated pummeled until all pain becomes insignificant." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, Debbie Lomansky did that to me in the third grade." "I didn't even tell the teacher." "You attempt to lull me into false security." "Convince me I am fighting a spastic." "Do you think I could just have a minute to warm up?" "Ya." "Indeed-e-doo-dah." "Oh, you're so sweet." "Well, you know." "You think maybe after this bowl we could go for a walk on the beach or something?" "I'm sorry." "Did you say something?" "You Americans-- you make me sick with your girly dancing exercises." "Everything always sweating to the oldies." "Work those abba-dabbas." "In Germany, we lift heavy objects." "Yeah, well, at least we didn't take it like a pooch in two world wars." "The time for stalling has passed." "[LOUD SLURPING]" "You heard the man before." "No partners." "I don't have time for this." "Give me one extremely good reason why I shouldn't crush you like a crouton." "OK, I'll level with you." "We have this magic genie who grants us wishes, and she gave Chett and me these cool wrestling powers, but they only work when we're together." "So my brother's going to end up in a body cast if I can't get in there and activate the magic." "Oh." "Go on, then." "I had a magic genie once." "[SCREAMING]" "Thought you could use an assist." "Good to see you, bro." "They got their powers back." "Psych!" "All right." "Nothing stops the Donnelly brothers when they work as a team." "Except the spell wearing off." "Chett, trust me." "Run!" "Uh, Lisa, there's something I want to say." "I think you're beautiful and sexy, graceful and sweet." "But you eat like a pig." "Huh?" "No offense, but, I've got my standards." "Another round." "[WHISTLES]" "MAN:" "Here you go, Blitzkriegar." "Eenie, meanie, miney-- ah!" "ALL (CHANTING):" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "We did good." "Sure did, tough guy." "Ow!" "You little bastard." "Hey, hey!" "Guys, stop it." "Stop it." "Break it up, break it up." "Break it up." "Break it up." "Broke" "All right." "We call it a draw." "[MUSIC" " OINGO BOINGO, "WEIRD SCIENCE"]" "THEME SONG:" "Weird science." "Fantasy and microchips, shooting from your hip, something different, we're making weird science." "Ooo!" "Pictures from a magazine, bits and pieces, bits and pieces." "My creation, is it real?" "It's my creation, I do not know." "It's my creation." "From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions?"