"How would you define "normal," Catherine?" "I don't know what "normal" means." "You're a neuroscientist." "I think you can handle this." "Statistically, "normal" means "average."" "And a normal person is mediocre?" "I didn't say that." "Let's talk about what happened Thursday." "This is the message you left on my machine." "I freaking nailed it." ""Every man in the room wanted to sleep with me."" ""Every woman wanted to be me."" ""I have the cure for autism and schizophrenia."" ""Buy Merck."" ""We're in talks."" "Classic manic episode..." "Sudden onset, pressured speech, delusions of grandeur, disordered thought, hallucinations." " And?" " A freaking rocket ride." "If you want to know the truth," "I've never had a better time in my life." "Until..." "Drumroll..." "I nearly killed myself." "You nearly killed yourself." "On Wednesday, when you saw me, you were happy, thinking about changing your whole life." "No, no, no, no." " I love you." " And I love you." "What I want is to wake up and find you in bed next to me every day for the rest of my life." "Baby, I can't." "You..." "You think you know me, but you only see one side of me." "I can be such a bitch." "I don't expect or even want perfection." "What do you say?" "It scared me to death." "You know I've never wanted to get married." "You didn't refuse him." "No." "I, uh..." "I told him I had to think about it." "Then you flew to San Francisco to give that keynote speech to the neurological institute of America." "Yeah." "It was a very big deal." "I'd been working on it for weeks." "Then I started to panic when I reread it at the hotel." "It wasn't up to your standards." "You needed a shot of inspiration." "So you skipped your meds." "That night, I barely slept." "By the morning, the medication was out of my system, and my mind grew wings." "When it was time for me to go, I was ready." "I'm honored tonight to introduce the director of the neuroscience research and treatment center, commonly known as the cube." "Recently named by newsweek one of the 100 most prominent people in medicine, her articles and books documenting an array of astonishing cases have earned her the nickname "The Marco Polo of the brain."" "Please welcome Dr. Catherine Black." "Thank you." "It's an honor to be here tonight." "I don't think I've ever seen so much raw brainpower in one room." "I'd like to begin by saying that you're all completely ignorant." "About the brain, that is." "We study an organ so complex, it is beyond human comprehension." "How do you make sense of 100 billion neurons with 100 trillion connections between them?" "The galaxy is simple in comparison." "I tackle the problem by taking the advice of a crazy man." "Vincent Van Gogh once said that to understand blue, first you have to understand yellow and orange." "In other words to really see anything, you have to understand its opposite." "I study extraordinary brains so I can learn about normal ones." "And every day, I struggle with this very word..." ""Normal."" "When Van Gogh painted "Starry Night,"" "he was a patient in a mental hospital." "Temporal lobe epilepsy allowed Saint Paul to hear the voice of God." "Hemingway, Sylvia Plath," "Billie Holiday, Charles Dickens," "Herman Melville..." "These are just a few of the great minds that suffered from a fine madness." "Now, should they have been medicated into mediocrity?" "My work is about respecting each and every individual brain." "And while I learn from my patients," "I make no attempt to distinguish them from any imaginary state of normalcy." "How was it received?" "Bravo!" "Brilliant!" "It's so beautiful." "Incredible!" "You were hallucinating." "Yes." "On the ride home, I became hyper sexual." "Oh, God." "The next day, it was over." "I flew home." "And you told Will..." "Nothing." "Obviously." "Let's talk about some of the exceptional people you named in your speech." "Ernest Hemingway used his shotgun to blow his brains out." "Sylvia Plath was 30 when she stuck her head in a gas oven." "Billie Holiday died of acute alcoholism after years of drug abuse." "Van Gogh shot himself in a wheat field right after finishing a painting." "Normalizing does not doom you to mediocrity." "It allows you to live long enough to do your best work." "I... get it." "This... this time, I get it." "Do you, Catherine?" "Do you really?" "This is important." "Your life is at stake." "Do you want to be exceptional and dead?" "Hello." "I'm Dr. Black." "I'm sorry." "We can't stop him." "We'll... pay to have it repainted." "I wouldn't dream of it." "It's beautiful." "Hello, Anthony." "I'm Dr. Black." "If you don't feel like talking to me, that's okay." "I'm gonna chat with your parents now." "So, tell me what's been going on." "Anthony's always been a wonderful son and an exceptional student." "He was headed to M.I.T. this fall." "To study physics, like his father." "He's never been interested in art." "He started drawing about three months ago." "First, he drew all over the walls of his room, and..." "Then the school suspended him for defacing the hallways." "We tried taking him to the doctor, and he ran away." "He's over 18." "We... couldn't make him come home." "And the E.R. diagnosed schizophrenia." "That's wrong." "Our son is a scientist." "He's not an artist." "Something happened to him." "Something changed in his brain." "Schizophrenia can be like that..." "A perfectly normal childhood and then a sudden onset of psychosis..." "Often at around Anthony's age." "Did the E.R. put him on medication?" "They tried." "He won't take the pills." "Schizophrenia needs to be managed by a medicating psychiatrist." "I am a neurologist." "It's not schizophrenia." "We've been on the Internet." "There are 100 other things that could cause this..." "Heavy-metal poisoning, a tumor, a B12 deficiency..." "Has he ever done that before?" "Yes." "Okay." "Would you mind leaving me alone with him for a moment?" " Thank you." " Wh..." "She's evil." "Aah!" "She's one of them." "She'll put a transmitter in your brain and lobotomize you." " Aah!" " Run!" "Don't listen to those voices." "Don't listen." "They can't hurt you if you don't listen." " She's not..." " Listen to me." "Sometimes I can't stop." "No pills." "They make me stupid." "I understand." "Do you ever have headaches, Anthony, feel dizzy, feel like you can't control your movements?" "Yes!" "Yes." "Headaches." "A-a-and other things, too." "You can trust me." "Isn't this a waste of your time?" "Schizophrenia's incurable." "Drugs are the only answer." "A medicating psychiatrist..." "Well, that's what I thought, but he had an absence seizure right in my office." "Maybe his parents are right." "So, I'm gonna start blood work, rule out any metabolic disturbances, check his renal functions, his L.F.Ts." "He's gonna need an M.R.I. and a C.T." "to check for any abnormalities." "I won't second-guess you." "You surpassed your teacher long ago." "Do what you think is best." "This is Dr. Ian Bickman, our new chief of neurosurgery." "Dr. Black." "I've been wanting to meet you ever since I read your first book." ""Identity theft," right?" "Nice to meet you, too." "You have quite a reputation." "Everyone knows "Bick" has magic hands." "Uh, Dr. Lark has some pre-op scans ready for you." "Well, I never keep a lady waiting." "What do you think of our new can opener?" "He's a sexual predator." "So I hear." "But only with willing partners." "The nurses at Boston General only had good things to say about him." "They called him "Dr. Big Man."" "Oh, really?" "And why is that?" "So sorry." "Wrong door." "I'm looking for my friend." "He has an appointment with Dr. Black." "That's me." " What's your friend's name?" " Yojo." "He's a little person..." "Potty as a houseplant." "We had to play hide-and-seek when we first arrived, but now he's..." "Disappeared." " Okay, well, he can't have gone far." " Mm." "If you want to wait in my office," "I'll get the nurses to look for him, okay?" "You little rascal, you!" "There he is!" "Lucy Dacy went into the P.E.T. accompanied by Santa's helper, who, curiously, did not show up on the images." "Her symptoms fit with Alzheimers or Parkinson's, but this..." "Decreased perfusion in the occipital lobe." "And... hello... she's hallucinating dwarves." "Lewy body dementia." "Yeah." "One year, maybe two, her mind will be gone." "It's incurable." "Case closed." "Nothing you can do." "Start her on Rivastigmine for the hallucinations." "At least we can get rid of Santa's elf." "Is there a family member listed on the intake forms, someone who can take care of her?" "There's a sister in Chicago." "Okay, find her." "It's your day off." "I know." "I had an idea for a new scallop recipe." "I never serve a dish I haven't tried." "Does it taste as good as it looks?" "Hm?" "Mmm!" "Almond crust." "Pistachio..." "Glazed with champagne vinegar." "I love the perks of dating a chef." ""Dating"?" "Aren't we a bit beyond that?" "Do you want to marry me or not?" " Don't pressure me." " Don't disappoint me." "Whatever answer you give me, I'll live with, but this is how I'm built." "If I take a trip, I need to know where I'm heading." "Why the suspense?" "I don't have a good enough reason." "After the game, okay?" "Move the ball, Esme!" "They're boxing you in!" "Come on!" "Get ugly!" "I suck!" "Good thing my daughter's a brilliant pianist." "That sports scholarship ..." "Not happening." "Esme is gonna rule the world..." "Maybe not on the basketball court." "Chip?" "Gluten, empty calories, salt?" "Watch Reagan doesn't catch you." "She's too busy being snack food tiger mom." "Wait until the team gets a load of her gluten-free arugula sandwiches." "Go, kingfishers!" "Heads-up... my mom made snacks." "Why'd you say that?" "It's so mean." "You trying to embarrass me?" "Me embarrass you?" "Mom, I told you... they want soda and chips." "Why won't you listen?" "Don't talk to me that way." "Do you see how she's treating me?" "What... you're eating chips." "Those are baked." "Hi, auntie Kate." "You were awesome." "You totally brought it." "Help me, auntie Kate." "Mom is psycho." "No, she's not." "She's a great mom." "Lighten up on her, okay?" "Esme, over here." "I'll show you some moves." "Come on, girl!" "Marry that guy." "He's the best." "It's funny you should bring up the "M" word." "He proposed." " What?" "!" " Yeah." "That's huge!" "Congratulations!" "No." "Chill." "I'm gonna say no." "Why?" "Because, Joshua, he's clueless about me." "That's why." "He thinks I'm normal." "You haven't told him?" "Kate, it's been a year." "I don't want to lose him." "He can handle it." "Come home with us for dinner, auntie Kate?" "Pretty please?" "Not on a school night." "Your mom's right." "Anyway, I can't." "I got a hot date." "Come on." "See you later." " Just made it." " Yeah." "So, where are we going?" "You tell me." "There's something, Will, you don't know about me." "If you knew, you wouldn't want to marry me." "Drop the dime." "I'm bipolar." "Bipolar?" "It's sometimes called manic depression." "Yeah, I know what it is." "I should have told you, obviously." "Yeah, by the third date!" "Why didn't you?" "What do you think I am, a monster?" "My mother has diabetes." "Do I love her less?" "It's a physical illness." "Bipolar is a physical illness." "Just because the organ involved is the brain..." "No, it's very P.C. of you, and I've used the line myself, but diabetes isn't who your mother is." "You see, with mental illness, it's not something you can cut out or cure." "It is hardwired into your brain." "It is part of my identity." "It is my personality." "But it's treatable, just like diabetes." "Yeah, bipolar is treatable." "When I take my meds, I'm fine." "Then, we can deal with it." "You have been dealing with it, obviously." " No." " So now we can..." "I have a history of noncompliance." "I have a tendency to go off the meds." "Not since we've been together." "Yeah." "It happened last week." " In San Francisco?" " Mmhmm." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because I wanted to keep you." "Keep me?" "I'm not a pet." "Why in God's name would you ever go off your meds?" "Because it's an incredible high." "When I'm ramping up, I do my best work." "Life is beautiful." "I feel like I could conquer the world." "And then, sometimes, I do very bad things." "Bad things?" "What kind of bad things?" "What kind of bad things?" "Catherine." "Get out." "Please, Johnny, don't go!" "Please, don't leave me!" "This is your baby, too." "This is your baby!" "Johnny, don't leave me!" "No, Johnny!" "Please, don't leave me!" "Johnny!" "Don't leave me!" "It's your baby!" "Johnny!" "Aah!" " Relax!" " Get off!" "Get off me!" "Get off me!" "Stop!" "Please!" "No!" "No!" "What's going on?" "He wouldn't stop drawing." "I had to take away his pens, and he started using his own blood to paint on the walls." "Let him go." "Let him go!" "Leave me alone with him." "Go." "You promised no meds!" "You hurt yourself, Anthony." "That's a game changer." "What is it?" "What is it you see?" "Fire." "There's no fire." "Where... here?" "Here?" "Look... there's no fire." "It's okay." "Come see for yourself." "Come on." "It's okay." "That's it." "Vanished." "It's okay." "Shh." "The shot they gave you is gonna make you sleepy." "We need to get you into your bed." "You need some rest." "Okay." "Mm." "Yeah." "It's okay." "I've got you." "I've got you." "I can't believe my luck." "You're here." "I'm always here." "I have bad news." "Anthony has a brain tumor." "Yes!" "Okay." "And I thought I was weird." "Since when is a mass in the head good?" "This is in the temporolimbic area." "It could explain all his symptoms." "We thought he was schizo." "This is fixable." "You want to show these to our shiny new cutter, Dr. Bickman?" " What?" "He's here?" " Yeah, he just got out of the O. R..." "Some kind of marathon, super-cool, 10-hour neurosurgery never performed here before." "Yeah, I'll get it out." "No problem." "Could you please take a closer look?" "I'm worried that the mass is in a delicate spot." "Removing it could cause serious complications." "Not with me on deck." "I've got incredible stats." "If I say "no problem," there'll be no problem." "But you barely checked the images." "This is a lovely kid with his life on the line, okay?" "I don't want him ending up blind or paralyzed or, God forbid, mentally impaired." "It's surgically inoperable, but I could use litt... no radiation, no skull flap." "Nothing's 100%, but we could have a beautiful result." ""Could" isn't good enough." "Do you always get so worked up in defense of your patients?" "I mean, it's cute, but take my advice and detach." "Emotions get in the way of everything." "Emotions?" "You..." "I told you I'd fix it." "And I will." "Kate." "I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have left you." "I don't want to lose you." "It's okay." "I promise... no more secrets." "I'll stay on the meds." "It's a family heirloom." "It belonged to Will's grandmother." "It's very, very special." "Oh, that's great." "What did your friends say?" "I haven't told anyone yet." "I don't even wear it to work." "I've got to get used to this marriage thing." "Well, I think it's the best." "Will is totally a 10, officially Esme-endorsed." "You know what mom said when she heard?" ""They aren't going to have children, are they?"" "Well, as usual, your mom is correct." "Bipolar is hereditary." "Kids would be problematic." "Yeah, but it's not 100%." "Dad's fine." "Anyway, you're great." "I'm lucky." "The meds, they work for me." "Your grandmother... she suffered terribly." "Dad never talks about her." "I know she committed suicide." "How old were you?" "7." "Your dad was 12." "Don't you care?" "Doesn't anybody care?" "Yeah, you can move your piece like that." "I'm gonna do it this time!" "I'm gonna do it!" "I want to die!" "It must have been awful." "What was she like?" "She could be wonderful, charming and magnetic and brilliant." "I adored her." ""...he found that the princesses had all been dancing," "For the soles of their shoes were full of holes."" "I was terrified also." "Even in those good days, we knew they wouldn't last." "I don't know what I would have done without your dad." "He was a great older brother." "He says you took care of each other." "He's the best." "She drowned, right?" "It was mother's day." "She left, headed straight to the beach, lined the pockets of her coat with rocks, and... walked into the ocean." "She said that having children ruined her life." "She warned us that she didn't want to live anymore, but she said that a thousand times." "All my life, I fought to be nothing like her." "She was a housewife." "I work full time." "She married." "I never have." "You can get married and not be like her." "I hope so." "So, I wanted to ask you..." "Will you be my maid of honor?" "Hell yeah!" "All right." "Strange as it sounds, the brain tumor is great news." "Our surgeon, Dr. Bickman, is sure it's operable." "We could have a total cure." "Anthony, did you hear that, darling?" "Will I s-still be able t-to draw?" "Of course you will." "You may not want to anymore." "And if I don't have the surgery?" "The tumor will grow." "So will the pain." "And you'll die in agony." "There is no choice here." "Anthony's ready to meet Dr. Bickman." "You got it." "Thank you." "What do you think?" "Where's the picket fence?" "Keep breathing." "This is a nice family neighborhood." "I told you..." "I don't want kids." "Someday, you may change your mind." "Come on." "Don't you care?" "Doesn't anybody care?" "!" "This is a nice family neighborhood." "Sometimes, I do very bad things." "Bad things?" "What kind of bad things?" "Hey." "Hey." "You okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Go back to sleep." "Hemingway, Sylvia Plath, Billie Holiday," "Charles Dickens, Herman Melville..." "Now, should they have been medicated into mediocrity?" "Lucy?" "What are you doing here?" "You should be in your room." "Just walking around... exercise." "Are you looking for someone?" "My sister." "She'll take me home." "What am I doing here?" "I want to go home." "I'm trying to make that happen, okay?" "George?" "The Rivastigmine is working perfectly." "She hasn't mentioned her little, imaginary buddy once today." "She's not hallucinating anymore." "We have to find a place for her to go." "What about the sister?" "No help there." "We found her." "She's in a nursing home." "Also has dementia, but more advanced." "Lucy's all alone in the world." "Okay, call social services." "Lucy." "Talk to me, honey." "I can help." "You're shaking." "What are you afraid of?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "I don't know." "You're lonely, aren't you?" "You miss your friend." "Where is Yojo?" "Why can't I see him?" "I don't want to live without him." "I'm gonna find him." "Stop the Rivastigmine immediately." "Why?" "How did taking away her hallucinations help her?" "She normalized." "And why does everyone assume that's a good thing?" "Her brain created exactly what she needed..." "A companion." "And I, like an idiot, fixed her by taking away her only friend." "Just... can you stop it now?" "Patient is draped and prepped." "Where's Dr. Bickman?" "Has he scrubbed in?" "What are you doing?" "You're supposed to be scrubbing in." "If you're high, you're not operating on my patient." "Seems to me that you're the one who's flying." "You're turned on." "God, you're a pathological creep." "You dominating bitch." "Wait." "Wait." "I'm engaged." "What's that got to do with anything?" " What are the pills?" " Modafinil." "Oh, cool." "They make you focus like a laser beam." "Yeah, some surgeons take them." "Fighter pilots, too." "Shut up." " Hey, baby." " Catherine." "What happened?" "Party time!" "Whoa!" "God, you're gorgeous!" "Aah!" "Stop." "Come on." "You're not yourself." "Oh, yes, I am." "Whoo!" "Come on." "Come on." "You see me, baby?" "I don't want to hurt you!" " You don't want to hurt me?" " Yes." " What's wrong with you?" " Hurt me!" "Catherine." "Meow." "Meow." "What's wrong with you?" "Talk to me." "Damn!" "Da..." "I can hear music." "I can hear music." "None of you can hear it because I am incredibly special to God, and you are nothing!" "It's your cell, douchebag." "Starship enterprise!" "Auntie Kate, it's me." "I want to play you something." "That's awesome, baby!" "But I got to see you." "I got this great idea." "I want to buy you a parrot." "Huh?" "Or a puppy." "You want a puppy?" "Or does your uptight mom say no to pets like she says no to everything else?" "She really is a witch." " Auntie Kate?" " I got a kid." "He's staring at me like he's got problems." "What are you looking at, huh?" "What the hell?" "You never seen a world-famous doctor before?" "I'm gonna ram your face into the gutter." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Esme!" "Dad?" " Waah!" " Just relax." "It's all gonna be okay." "Whoo-hoo!" "You don't understand." "Get them off!" " She's bipolar." " Come on!" "She needs Haloperidol or Lorazepam." "Whoo!" "Make it a double!" "Get off me!" "How are you feeling here?" "Much better." "Thank you." "I'm so sorry." "Hey." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "It's okay." "Is Esme..." "She's okay." "She understands." "I called work, told them you had food poisoning." "Reagan's on the warpath, as you can imagine." "Can you tell her this will never happen again?" "Kate, dear, that's a promise you can't make." "It could have been me, you know?" "You were unlucky." "So, going off the meds was a willful act?" "Yes." "Why do you think you did it?" "'Cause I wanted to end things with Will..." "'Cause I didn't want to get married." "Because I'm afraid of turning into my mother." "That's not how I read it." "I think you wanted Will to love you for who you are, so you showed him the worst you have to offer." "Well, if that's true it backfired." "He left... just like the others." "Talk to him." "Call him." "Catherine..." "I'm worried." "You're cycling into depression." "Oh, I'll be okay." "See, I still have the one thing that really matters." "My daughter." "No one can take that away." "I, uh..." "I came to apologize to you." "And to Esme." "Esme's fine." "Can I see her?" "No." "You and Esme are gonna take a break." "I'll do anything, Reagan." "Don't take her away from me." "It's all about you all the time." "God, you're exhausting." "And the worst of it is, she still loves you more than me." "She's transferring the affection she always had for me to you." "I'm the boring housewife who waits on her hand and foot, and you're the exotic, successful, crazy aunt who does whatever she pleases no matter who she hurts and always gets away with it." "Not this time." "Reagan, I have to see her." "She's all I've got." "Not until she realizes who her real family is." "I am her real family." "Say that one more time, and you'll never see Esme again." "You gave birth to her, but I'm her mother, and this is my decision." "Hey." "Wait." "Oh, Freddie, it's your birthday." "Excuse me." "I'll have to take this." "I only get calls on this line if it's an emergency." "Hello?" "Give me a reason to go on living." "Where are you?" "Talk to me." "One reason." "Your work." "If you're gone, the void cannot be filled." "Dr. Catherine Black is needed... and loved." "Not for who I really am." "The best part of you is who you really are." "The rest is a disease." "I alienated Will forever," "I came within an inch of exposing myself at work, and I can't see my daughter." "Don't catastrophize." "No one found out anything." "Esme will come back to you." "Reagan can't keep her from you forever." "Your work is waiting, Catherine." "Your work is waiting." "Hi, Dr. Black." "How are you feeling?" "Great... my old self again." "I check out today." "I... can't believe I did that." "It's almost as if I was somebody else." "This whole experience has been pretty major." "I don't... want to be a physicist anymore." "You don't?" "Neuroscience is so amazing." "The brain is the ultimate mystery." "That's why doctors call it the black box." "You understood me when no one else did." "You saved my life, Dr. Black." "Good luck." "So, Yojo can come with me?" "He's never gonna leave you." "And this place is nice?" "Very nice." "They're gonna take good care of both of you." " This is Amelia." " Hello." "She's gonna take you to your new home." "Do you want to introduce her to Yojo?" "He's kind of shy." "I understand." "No, wait." "Wait." "What are they doing?" "Cleaning this place up." "They'll have it back to normal in a few hours." "No." "No." "Take a long lunch instead." "Sorry." "I should have called." "Oh, it's okay." "I understand." "You are a kind, intelligent, normal guy." "Why should you have to put up with this?" "Maybe I'm not as normal as you think." "What you did to me that night..." "I liked it." "And I want to do it again."