" I'm late." " I know." "Blame the insane people driving in front of me." "They had a "Honk, if you love to scuba dive" bumper sticker..." " on the back of their car, so I honked." " You don't scuba dive." "Yes, but I've been testing people who have "honk" bumper stickers lately... to see if they really want people to honk." "Guess what?" "They don't." "I lay on my horn... and this alleged scuba diver slows to a crawl in front of me... just out of revenge, and I'm screwed." " You need a hobby." " Yes, actually." "Come on." "Rory's waiting." " What happened?" " She honked." "Another bumper-sticker test." "I just thought of a great idea for a reality show." "You pull people over who have those..." ""honk, if you love to whatever" bumper stickers... you kidnap them and you make them do... whatever the bumper sticker says they like to do... whether they do it or not, and then you make them eat bugs." " So, I hear you have a new boyfriend." " How did you..." " Not from me." " Don't jump on Rory." " How, Mom?" " Kirk told me." " Kirk?" " Kirk who?" " How many Kirks do you know?" " My Kirk!" "Stars Hollow Kirk?" "Kirk, who hasn't started shaving yet, Kirk?" "How did you find out from him?" "I called the Inn looking for you, and Michel answered... but he was in the middle of some argument... with your horse veterinarian." "Then there was a cracking sound, and the phone went dead." "Then there was another man's voice saying "hello."" " Kirk?" " Bob." " The gardener?" " More twists than O. Henry." "He told me something in a heavy Spanish accent... all while Michel was yelling at the vet in French." "I leave and the UN erupts." "Then Kirk came on." "He was there delivering something." "And when I told him I was looking for you... he told me you were probably at your boyfriend Luke Danes' house." " Why were you hiding it from me?" " I wasn't hiding it." "You jumped on Rory when you thought she told me." "You were hiding it." " She did not jump on me, Grandma." " Yeah, and I wasn't hiding it." "The only reason I reacted to Kirk the way I did is that... he's not in this world, he's in my other world." "It's as if I, out of the blue, told you I was having tea with Mrs. Van-uppity." " Who?" " Hortense Van-uppity... tight bun, lace collar, tiny poodle, fictional friend?" "You keep so much from me with these separate worlds of yours." "It's not right." "I will try harder to merge the worlds." "I promise." "Start now." "I want to meet this Luke Danes." "You've met him." "Not in this capacity." "I need to re-meet him." "Well, I'm sure that day will come." " Next week." " What?" "You have a gentleman friend of significance." "Rhett is my gentleman friend, yes." "So, it's only proper that you introduce him to your mother." "Unless he's insignificant." "I don't want to meet a passing ship." "That's a waste of my time." " Is Luke a passing ship?" "Is he insignificant?" " No, he's not." "I'll get my book, and we will pick a date next week." " Mom." " Next week." " But I..." " Next week!" "Honk, if Emily Gilmore views your mind as her personal playground." "Honk." "We eat it, we breathe it." "It's our heart and lungs." "What is it?" "The three basics:" "Accuracy, accuracy, and accuracy." "It's my head that'll end up on a platter, okay?" "Let's go the extra yard." "Protect my head." "Headache, Doyle?" "Charles Kuralt used to eat aspirin like candy." "Ate candy like candy, too." "Hence the belly like Jell-O." "That was mean." "The man's dead." "So, how's the story coming on that secret society?" "The Life and Death Brigade." "Get this, I've got a contact." " Inside?" " Deep inside." " Who?" " Anonymous." "Don't ask again." " Your call." " I'm gonna tell this story from the inside." " You'll be careful?" " Careful enough." " Well, stay on it." " You bet." "I love this." "We just had a very "All the President's Men" moment." "Very!" "Moving around the newsroom like that." "Felt good." "Let's do it again sometime." " Now?" " Might look silly." " Carry on." " Right, chief." "There you are." "Club sandwich." "Burger, well done, fries." "Let me know if you need anything." "Hey, What's up?" "You're acting all squirrelly." " I'm ready now." " For what?" "To date." " Well!" " That offer's still good, right?" " Yeah, still good." " Okay." "So, we should pick a time." " Sure." " How about now?" " I'm kind of working." " Right." "How about tonight?" " I've got band practice." " Right." " And so do you." " Because we're in the same band." "Okay, so, we'll figure it out." " We'll figure it out." " Cool." " See you at home." " Yeah, see you." "Okay." "Hey, Lane." "How's it going?" " Good, very good." " Lucky you." "Hey!" " How dark is it?" " How dark is what?" "The cumulus nimbus hovering over my head." " The black cloud." "Was that a drop?" " What are you talking about?" " I have some very bad news." " What?" "My mother is insisting on having dinner with us." " That's it?" " Did you hear what I said... mother, dinner, us?" "That's on a par with car test, crash test dummy." "Don't worry." "I am going to do whatever it takes... to get us out of this." "I promise." " Why?" " What do you mean, why?" "Let's just do it, get it over with." "Meeting the parents comes with the territory." " We can't put it off forever." " Oh, yeah?" "My fourth-grade teacher wanted a meeting with my parents... she was hit by a bus, six years ago." "Never got the meeting." " Book it." " Luke!" " Book it." " Okay." "But I'm warning you, if I call and tell her it's on... and then you change your mind and want to back out... we're gonna have to leave the country and have extensive facial surgery... and sex changes." "Both of us, so that we can kiss and not look funny." " I'm not gonna change my mind." " Okay, fine." "I'll just call and tell her now." "What is happening?" "Something dark is happening here." "It is heavy like iron!" "Did you feel that ice-cold wind that just passed through?" " Make the call." " "I see dead people."" "Make the call." " This is a house?" " This is a house." "What a waste." "See, this is what causes peasants to revolt." " This is how heads end up on pikes." " Open with that." "That's a great icebreaker." "Hey, listen, I want you to be careful about your consumption of booze." "I'm not gonna drink too much." "No!" "You got it backwards there, Pablo, ride the pink elephant, baby... because it's your only defense against Emily Gilmore..." " unless you're packing a Kalashnikov." " Yeah." "Shouldn't you ring the bell or something?" "A little strategy." "Here's the front door." "We're here." "Drink cart's here." "It's knock, knock, open the door." ""Hi."" "Turn left, veer right, pass the couch, we're at the booze." "Any questions?" "Yeah, shouldn't you get a massage or something?" " Take off your coat." " It's cold." "No, it's time-consuming." "Roll it in a ball and have it ready to hand off to the maid." "Yeah." " Hi." "Hello." " Hi." "Come in, please." "Okay." "Thank you." "I am sorry." " May I take your coats?" " Yeah, got mine all ready." "There you go." " I'm Luke." " I'm the maid." "Nice to meet you." " That was so sweet and innocent." " Well!" "Our honored guest." " Welcome." " Mom, Luke." "Luke, Mom." "We've met, Lorelai." "Several times." "I was just re-introducing you, as per your instructions." " Good to see you again, Mrs. Gilmore." " No, it's Emily." "I insist." "Nice to see you, Emily." " Drinks?" " We're in the foyer." " Let's change that." " Not if Luke wants a tour." "Okay." "Foyer, staircase, upstairs." "Dining room, kitchen, weird piano area that we never really named." "And right through here is the living room." "Yeah, I don't need a tour, thanks." "Then, let's go in the living room." "Your house is beautiful." " They don't make them like this anymore." " I'll say." "They make everything out of cardboard now..." " white boxes with heating vents." " The art of craftsmanship is dead." " Gin." " Do you have Tourette's or something?" "I am sorry." "I thought I heard you say:" ""What would you like to drink?"" " I was getting there." " Gin martini, please." "I already made a pitcher of martinis, but they're vodka." " Vodka's perfect." "Double with a twist." " So, two cold martinis with a twist." " And, Luke, how would you like a beer?" " Great." "Or maybe Luke would like to choose his own drink." "That's a thought." "Yes, I'm sorry, Luke." "You can have whatever you like." "I've got it all." " Beer is perfect." " Beer it is." "Oh, no, she's got everything." "She's got Scotch, rum, whiskey, red wine..." "She's not kidding, she's got it all." " Beer is perfect." " Okay, bring him a beer." " Here we are." " Thank you." "Thank you, Emily." "The beer is nice and cold." "I almost want one myself." "You can have some of mine if you want." "So, how's that diner of yours?" "It's doing great." "No matter what the economic climate, people gotta eat." "That is so true." "And I thought your place was very charming." "Nice and rustic." " Do you need a cough drop?" " She's fine." " Where'd your martini go?" " To a happy place." " Do you want another?" " Does Pavarotti want another doughnut?" " That's a "yes"?" " I'll pour it, Emily." "Thank you, Luke." "I should go check on dinner." " Will you excuse me?" " Absolutely." " Unbelievable." " I know." "She didn't make nearly enough." " I meant you." "You're acting crazy." " She's insulting you." " No, she's not." "Your mom's being great." " What?" "Were you in the room?" " Did you not hear the awful thing she said?" " What did she say?" " Rustic diner, "rustic"?" " So?" "Backhand slang for "crap pile."" "Or she was admiring its vintage feel." " What was the other word she used?" " Charming?" "Slang for "doggy poopy."" "Unbelievable." "Wait, what was the beer thing?" "Oh, my God..." "That was nice." "I wanted beer." "She was considerate enough to anticipate that that might be the case." "The word "beer":" "Backhand slang for "nitwit juice."" "You're reading way too much into this." "Excuse me, but I would defer to the Gilmore expert here." "I am the Oracle." "I carry all the knowledge." "Well, I would like you to calm down, because you're making me nervous." " I'm trying to protect you." " I'm a grown man... and this isn't my first foray into the big city." "I've dealt with all types of people in my life." " Rich, poor, snobby, proud." "I can handle it." " But..." "And by you jumping in after everything your mother says... makes me look weak, and I don't want to look weak." " I don't want you to, either." " Then, give me my space, okay?" "Please." "Okay, I'll give you your space." "Dinner is going to be as good as it smells, I guarantee it." " It smells wonderful, Emily." " Thank you, Luke." "It's nice to have a kind gentleman in the house." " Thank you." " So, you're recently divorced?" "Yeah, I guess." "Although it depends on what you'd call "recently."" "You've been divorced in the last year." "That would be recent." " Yeah, yes." " Terrible, the divorce rate, isn't it?" "Yes, it's terrible." " I'm sure it was inevitable in your case." " Turned out that way." "I hope there weren't children." " No." " Divorce destroys children." "But without children, you're only harming yourself." "Of course, nowadays people get married for fun." "Apparently there's nothing good on TV." "Hey, it's Dean." "So, we were supposed to get together the day after tomorrow... but I have to cancel." "Again." "One day, I'm gonna have one job, not three... which will simplify everything." "I hope." "Anyway, I was hoping we could somehow hook up tomorrow night." "I forget if you have something going on." "But I've got a three-hour window, and I was thinking dinner or something." "Maybe we can meet halfway between Yale and Stars Hollow." "That probably puts us on the interstate... meaning the $6.99 surf-and-turf special but, hell, I'm a cheap date." "Not the most romantic get-together for us, but something's better than nothing." "Let me know." "Bye." "End of messages." "Diners are generally so filthy." "I'm sure yours isn't." "But the horror stories you hear." "I read that one in Vermont got caught serving roadkill." " Do you know what that is?" " Yeah, it's dead animals from the street." "From the street, from backyards, fished out of pools." "These diners find it and serve it." "Again, probably not yours." "But the fact that this place got away with it at all is astounding." "I guess people who frequent diners don't look too closely at what they're eating..." " out of self-defense." " We don't serve roadkill at my place." "Good for you." "I had a friend who ate at a diner once, and the next day she dropped dead." "Her family considered suing the place... but there's nothing to get from these people." "A couple of stools and a toaster." "But they were sure it was a matter of hygiene... and they eventually drove them out of the state." "I don't want to tell you what they found when they moved the stove." "Would you like another beer, Luke?" "An opiate for the masses." "Well, so what?" "We all have our opiates." "For some, it's ballet." "For Luke, it's baseball." "Whoever I heard say it just happened to say it about what Luke likes." "Oh, no!" "Some workman has left his filthy truck in our clean driveway." " Richard must have sent for him." " That's mine, actually." "Well, it's nice, rustic." " I like the color." " Thank you." "And I like this coat of yours." "There's something nice about simple cloth." " Thanks." " This was wonderful." "Don't be a stranger, all right." " I won't." "Thank you, Emily." " Goodbye." "Bye, Lorelai." " Bye, Mom." " Thanks again." "You know what's amazing?" " I mean, truly amazing?" " What?" "She never said anything directly bad about me or... the diner or anything else concerning me." " She's good." " And all I did was thank her, over and over." " She'd hammer me, and I'd thank her." " It's a talent." ""Rustic" really did sound like "crap pile" that time." "Come on, babe, you'll feel better about halfway home." " Good." " Then the eye-popping nausea will hit you." "The rich food mixes with the bitter memories..." " and it all gets worse, then it gets better." " Good!" "Until you get to Route 44, and then you hit bottom." " Good grief!" " I'll be ready with a tongue depressor... to prevent you from swallowing your tongue." "I keep them in my purse." "Step up." " Hey, Ace, you ready?" " Well..." " Hit it!" " Not so loud." " You're very auditorially sensitive today." " And your voice helps." " Is the blindfold secure?" " Secure and in place." " Our anonymity is crucial, Logan." "Crucial." " What's wrong with Finn?" " Great job with the blindfold, Logan." " I recognize your voices, Colin." " Could everyone keep it down, please?" " Can we remove the blindfold now?" " We're also hiding our destination." " We had to leave at this ungodly hour." "It's 4:00 in the afternoon." " He's got a thing about the sun." " It's too bright." "So, how come you're not wearing your gorilla masks?" " She can see." " I can tell... because your voices aren't muffled." " She's sharp." " Who's the girl?" "I've been told we've met." "I have no memory of it." " Gorilla girl." " Isn't that a pretty nickname." " By the way, this thing's overnight." " Overnight?" " Didn't I mention that before?" " Must have slipped your mind." "It doesn't screw up anything for you, does it?" " No." " No?" " Nope." " New schedule." "Good." "We like our schedules loose, like our women." " Clever." " My God, it's early." " Luke's." " Good afternoon." " I'm calling for Mr. Luke Danes." " This is Luke Danes." "Please hold for Mr. Gilmore." "What?" "For who?" "Hello?" "Luke?" "Richard Gilmore here." "Hi, Richard..." "Mr. Gilmore, sir." "How are you?" "I'm fine, thank you." "Listen, I thought we could meet for a round of golf, you and I." " Golf?" " Tomorrow afternoon is good for me." "Is that good for you?" " Well..." " Good." "I'll have Margie call you back with the details." " Okay." " Wonderful!" "I look forward to it." "See you at the club." "Yeah." "See you at the club." "This mountain air has revivified me!" " Make sure he doesn't run off a cliff." " Stephanie, it's your turn." "Danny, slow down!" " You're okay?" " I smell trees." "Nothing gets past you." " So, the firing squad is just up ahead?" " Yeah, and there's a line." "Damn." "Seriously, Logan, is the blindfold coming off... or am I Patty Hearst-ing it the whole trip?" "It's coming off." "It's coming off, right now." "Oh, my!" " You cannot go golfing with my father." " It's a done deal." "What is that man up to?" "What is he doing?" "What are you doing?" "I'm looking for a book my dad had somewhere around here..." "Learn Golf the Arnold Palmer Way." "I can't find it." "I beseech you, do not go golfing with my father." " It's too late." "I said "yes."" " Why did you say "yes"?" " I had no choice." " Saying "no" was a choice." "Did you learn nothing from the dinner with my mother?" " Apparently not." " Call him and cancel." "Right." "And how would he take that?" "Badly." "That's why you hang up real quick." "This is a good way to start a relationship with your father?" "No, this is the way to end it." "God, you're slow." "Listen, call him and tell him that... when he called, you had just dropped some peyote... and you were tripping and you were seeing vapors... and that that's why you agreed, but then you've landed... and you realized that you can't go." "Wait, do you smoke peyote?" "We should get that straight before you call him." "Backing out will make it worse." "But do you even know how to play golf?" "I took a course in summer school, but I accidentally hit Kent Coleda... in the head with a driver and got asked to leave." "But I think I remember the basics." "You grab the club, whack the ball." "I'll fake it." " Luke..." " Don't worry." "I'll be fine." "Okay." "Fine, then." "Bye." " Hello?" " Hi, Dad." "I need a favor... the biggest favor I may ever ask you for, ever." " I don't like the sound of this." " Please cancel this golf game with Luke." " What?" "No." " But why?" "I mean, why are you doing this?" " What is the point?" " How is this even your business?" " He's my boyfriend." " And this is my right." "Your mother already met him at a secret dinner I only found out about... because her blabbermouth maid told my valet." " So, now I want to meet him." " But you've already met him." "I need to re-meet him." "Why can't you and Mom meet someone once and make it stick?" "I insist upon this golf game." " He doesn't even golf." " He said he did." "Yeah, well, he whacked Kent Coleda in the head with a club... okay, so you're taking your life in your own hands." "You want to reconsider now?" "You like your head, huh?" "Lorelai, the tee time is set, Luke has said "yes" to my proposal..." " and tomorrow Luke and I are golfing." " Have fun." "This is not about having fun." "This is protocol." "Have a good protocol, Dad." "Bye." " Is this what you expected?" " No, not at all what I expected." "Let me guess what you were thinking:" "Sleeping bag, flashlights, keg... three boxes of stale Triscuits, half-eaten bag of Oreos... some Doritos, and a bong." " That may be exactly what I pictured." " You can apologize later." "This is yours." "Mine?" "Not much closet space, but the view is decent." "It's cozy." "Festivities start in a half-hour." "Dean, hi." "It's me." "I got your call." "I would love to have dinner with you tonight... but something unbelievably unexpected came up... and it's gonna keep me busy for a couple of days." "I'd give you more info, but it's all a little Daliesque... and hard to explain." "I'll fill you in when I get home, if I get home." "Just kidding." "I hope." "Bye." " Am I early?" " Right on time." "You look good." "Thanks." "So do you." "Have I seen those pants?" "I got them from the bottom of my drawer." " I forgot I had them." " Cool." "So, what do you feel like doing?" "We could drive somewhere." "We just have to stop for gas and add some oil... and put air in the tires, and we'd have to stop by an ATM." "Or we could hang out here." " You sure?" " Yeah." "Okay." "Cool." "Let's get a pizza and watch something and just hang out." "Great." "What do you want to watch?" "Want to finish watching what we started last night?" "Yeah." "Great." "Hey, guys." "Stop Making Sense." "Great!" "This is where we left off last night." " What are you doing?" " Watching TV." "Brian, this is a date." "What?" " Lane and I are kind of on a date right now." " You are?" " But this is what we did last night." " I know." " So, last night was a date, too?" " That was not a date." "I was in my underwear." "But we did exactly the same thing." "You just had no pants." "We're kind of starting to date, and this is what we're gonna do." " So, where do I go?" " Well, how about my room?" "Really?" "You never let me in your room." " Well, now is your chance." " Great!" "Wait, hold on." " Shouldn't we leave your room empty?" " Why?" "You know, in case the date goes good." " Brian, go in my room." " Thanks." "Man, it smells good in here." "Come, come, milady." "Hey, Rory Gilmore." "This is quite a soiree." "Are all the Life and Death Brigade gatherings this elaborate?" "How about bland balking at political or social stands?" "Ridiculous." "Total standstill for all in this vicinity." " What do you say?" " I concur." "Crazy construct if you think for a bit." "Dubious logic, if you ask this thoughtful guy." "Hello, everybody." " My God." " Shocking." "Silly girl." "Not adjusting to this proud point of ours." " Sad, this diminishing vision." " Excuse me?" " Faux pas count is six, I say?" " Six, no doubt." "I again concur." "Point of fact, daft lady... to catch on would prompt our congratulations." " It's a game?" " At which you totally fail." " You want for instruction?" " Apparently." "Said gap twixt "d" and "f" shall not slip from lips... in any word this group allows." "Said gap twixt "d" and "f." You're not using the letter "e"?" "Says this thing, our group did banish." " Loud for all to drink in." " Daft girl." "So, no one is supposed to say the letter "e"?" "My God." "This woman hounds us with this thing I banish." " Dumbfounding." " I'll catch up with you guys later." "Have fun." "If that's what you're doing." " Bloody horror, that woman." " Ostracism should occur, I think." "Hi, Stephanie." "Good." "You're using "E's." No champagne?" "No, I'll have a little later." " So, is Logan the head of the group?" " There's no head of the group, Rory." "We're an anarchic collective." "We don't recognize leaders, per se." "Plus, it's a secret." "I shouldn't be talking to you." "Warning sign." "Because the way that people act around him, Logan kind of seems..." " Cute?" " No." " No?" " Yes, but..." "There's a line to get to him." "No, I'm not looking to get in a line." "I'm a reporter." "I bet you're a good reporter and a very good girl." "Oh dear, I'm talking to you." "I shouldn't be talking to you." "I have to kill myself now." "Excuse me." "Hi." "I was wondering... is the safari theme something you always do... or do you choose different themes?" " May I quote Max Ernst?" " Sure." " How goes it, pariah?" " Logan?" " Word was a bear dragged you off." " No bear." "I just wanted a quiet place to collect my thoughts." " You found it." " Thanks." "I have eaten." "Good." "This is for me." "Sorry you're not getting much from the group." "Took a little arm-twisting to get them to agree... to let you come in the first place." "I don't need their cooperation." "I've already filled two notebooks without their cooperation... half of one without using the letter "e," but I could use yours." " Way too much salt on this." " This is pretty incredible... but it's just a preamble to the big stunt tomorrow, right?" " It's Finn." "He's Australian." "They like salt." " How do you pay for this?" "Are there dues, or do you chip in?" "Is there alumni sponsoring it?" "How is it organized?" "And what is happening tomorrow?" "Is it just as big?" "Or bigger?" "And do people know that you're here?" "Park rangers or the landowner?" "Where are we?" "Are we still in Connecticut?" "And your answer cannot include the word "salt."" "Okay." "I think it's time to fill you in on the conditions of you being here." " Okay." " First, no pictures." " Hey!" " You'll get it back at the end of the trip." " Second, no names." " I'm not exactly... being introduced to anyone as it is." "Third, no physical descriptions of any of us." "There are authority figures up and down Connecticut... trying to nab us for things we may have done in the past, naughty things." "I'll keep you anonymous." " What number am I on?" " You just did "third."" " Fourth, no identification of our location." " I don't know where we are." " Fifth..." " You're going to run out of "iths."" "The most important condition of all." "You must agree not to interfere with the integrity of the event." "What is the event?" "And how could I interfere?" " So you agree?" " Yes, I agree." " That's pretty." " They're drunk." " It sounds pretty." "I like it." " I didn't say I didn't like it." " Logan?" " Yeah?" " You coming?" " I'll be right there." "Excellent." "I'll leave the light for you, Ace." "I won't need it." "Here I am." "David Byrne is a freak." " I love him." " He's totally cool." " So." " So." " This was nice." " Yeah." " I like your place." " Right!" " I have to get up early for work tomorrow." " No problem." " So, I should probably..." " Right." " Good night, Zach." " Good night." "Oh, no." "This is bad news." "Once he hits his REM state, Motörhead wouldn't wake him." "What do I do?" " He really is asleep." " He's gained a couple pounds, too." " Okay, well, I had a really good time." " Me, too." " Good night, Zach." " Good night, Lane." " Another day, another sartorial surprise." " You should start getting ready yourself." " I am ready." " You can't go dressed like that." "I didn't have the "it's an overnight thing" warning." "So, unless you want me to fashion something out of pine cones, this is it." "That clothing is gonna interfere with the integrity of our event." "You agreed not to interfere with the integrity of our event." "All I've got is a washbowl, a towel, and a toothbrush." "Is that all you got?" "Look again, Ace." " Excuse me." "Mr. Gilmore?" " Luke?" "Yeah, hi." " Don't remember you being this tall." " Yeah, sorry." "It's nothing to apologize about." "Where are your clubs?" " I just figured I'd rent some." " Waste of money." "Owning is the thing." " Right." " There is no better place..." " than our pro shop." " Great." " Let's go get you some clubs." " Excellent." "I've got your event integrity right here, mister." "Yeah, I got an eye for dress sizes." "We go this way." "And by changing nothing, do we not change everything?" " Come on!" "Hurry!" " You try running in a crinoline." " We're late." " For what?" "The ritual sacrifice?" "Come on!" "One hundred and eighth grand assembly... of the honorable Life and Death Brigade." " He's using "E's."" " Please raise your glasses." " In omnia paratus." " In omnia paratus." " Now you might want to cover your ears." " Why?" "To think some groups just go bowling." "Pull!" "Pull!" " Good shot!" " Pure skill." " Is this safe?" " No." "Pull!" "Damn." " Blame the gun." " I would." "Pull!" " All right, I'm bored." "I want to be a target." " You're always a target, Finn." "In omnia paratus." "If you want to interview Finn, Ace, you better do it quick." "Pull!" " Not bad." " Thank you." " So, is this your big stunt?" " Big stunt?" "According to my research, you guys always do... one big thing at your gatherings." " Pull!" " Is this it?" " Does it look like it?" " I'm guessing no." "You answered your own question." "Pull!" "You'll know it when you see it." " Good." " I missed the mat." " Again?" " I'll be fine." "Don't worry about me." "In omnia!" " You're on your game today, Mr. Gilmore." " Indeed, I am." " Indeed." " Indeed." "I'm going to speak to the board about these grounds." "There are dry spots, the length and breadth of this fairway." "I'm up." "Okay, let's see..." "I think this one is... not the one I want at all, but this one here." " Good choice." "Let's take the tag off there." " Good idea." "Okay, ball goes down here..." "Damn!" " No problem." " It's heading toward the wrong hole." " Just a mulligan, son." "Try it again." " Golf isn't my thing, you know." "It's definitely a thing, but not my main thing." " What is your main hobby?" " Give me a hobby, quick." " Reading." " Reading." "I read like crazy." "Wonderful." "What have you been reading lately?" "Books." "You know, this, that." " Dick." " Pardon me?" "Dick guy, science fiction guy." "Dick something." "Something Dick, I just read one of his." "I'll bring Dick up on the Internet, see what comes up." "Wish I could remember that name." "You better hit your ball, son." "We're stacking up." "Right, yeah, okay." "Just a second, guys." "He's new." "Not to worry." "The cart's been dinged 1,000 times." " The guy driving it looked mad." " Not to worry." "Let's go." "So, have you put much thought into franchising?" " Franchising?" " That diner of yours." "Now's the time to jump." "There are opportunities abounding in real estate right now." "No, I haven't." "I'd concentrate on the eastern seaboard first..." "Connecticut, New York, Massachusetts." " I'd start with five to seven." " Diners?" "Something manageable." "You'll need an investment banker." "Just ran into Herb Smith in the clubhouse." "Best banker in the business." "I'll give him your number." "Good." "So, once the first seven are a go, shoot for the moon." "National expansion, set up a public corporation, issue an IPO." "Sure, an IPO." "I got to set up one of those." "Have you ever gotten a straight-razor shave?" " No." " Shaves you close, lasts for days." "I'll give you my barber's card." "Hope you're thinking up superlatives." "What are they going to do?" "What do you think they're gonna do?" " They're not going to jump." " They're going to jump." " That's, like, seven stories." "They'll die." " We're all going to die one day." " But those four are today." " Six." " I see four." " I'm heading up." " Of course you are." " Finn was supposed to do it... but few of us figured he'd make it this far, so there's an extra space." " No." " And we're not going to die." "No one in the Life and Death Brigade has ever died." "Old ones have." " I am not going to jump." " We're all set." "This is Seth." "He's the genius behind all this." "It's very safe." "We did a dozen successful test drops." "Every potato came through without a scratch." "Potato?" "You can't test using people." "That'd be dangerous." "Look, thanks for the offer, but I'm here as a journalist, an observer." " Journalists do not participate." " Since when?" " Since forever." " George Plimpton never participated?" " What?" " His best stuff put him in the thick of it... fighting Sugar Ray Robinson, quarterbacking for the Lions..." " skating for the Bruins." " So he participated." "Bill Buford lived with soccer hooligans in Amongst the Thugs." "Ernie Pyle was so deep in the action in World War II... he was killed by a Japanese sniper." " Not that you're gotta go that far." " Buford, Pyle, I know." "Richard Hottelet was four months in a Nazi prison working for the UP." "Hunter Thompson lived with the Hell's Angels." "Got in the muck, didn't just orbit around it, and it drove his writing." "He put you in those bikers' parties and those bikers' heads." "All right, so those guys participated." "I got it." " But I..." " Jumpers to their places, please." " You're scared." " Yeah!" " And that stops the greats?" " It's stopping this great." "Come on." "You look like you need a little adventure." " What does that mean?" " You're just a little sheltered." "Why?" "Because I haven't spent time in a Nazi prison... been stomped on by hooligans, and beat up by Hell's Angels?" " Plimpton got banged up pretty good, too." " It'll be fun, it'll be a thrill." "Something stupid, something bad for you." "Just something different." "Isn't this the point of being young?" "It's your choice, Ace." "People can live a 100 years without really living for a minute." "You climb up here with me, it's one less minute you haven't lived." " Let's go." " Let's go." " I am not a fan of ladders." " They scare the crap out of me, too." "High." "We are very high." " I've been higher." " I meant distance from the ground." "That, too." "This is totally safe, and it goes with your outfit." "Nice." " Why do they look so worried?" " We're low on champagne." "You can back out, you know." "No one's forcing you." "I know." " You trust me?" " In omnia paratus!" "You jump, I jump, Jack." "In omnia paratus!" "I really should have confirmed that those potatoes were okay." "Thank God!" "You did good, Ace!" " Once-in-a-lifetime experience!" " Only if you want it to be." " Bye." " Thanks." "Good afternoon, Dragonfly Inn." "I franchised my place." " What?" " The diner." "There's gonna be seven of them, and that's just on the eastern seaboard." "Then, I'm going national." "What are you talking about?" "Your father wants to open up a chain of Luke's diners..." " and I think I agreed to it." " No!" "I've already got a marketing guy, Herb's my banker... your father's taking care of all my insurance needs... and apparently everyone is going to be able to buy stock." "My parents!" "My stupid parents!" " And he wants to shave me." " Shave what?" "I don't know, he just kept talking about shaving me, and I'm tipsy." "We hit the club bar, and I didn't want to sound dumb... and just order a beer, because it's nitwit juice... so I had what your dad was having, which was whiskey something... more whiskey than something, let me tell you... 'cause I can't even see straight." " You poor thing." " And I've got an art dealer now." "No." "I'm driving to Manhattan next week to look at some Diebenkorns." " What's a Diebenkorn?" " I don't know." "And I bought some golf clubs." "They cost the same as a car." " Where are you now?" " I'm at the driving range." "Your dad's making me practice for next time." "No." "Leave." "You do not need to practice." "And I sort of implied that I'm fond of the Greeks... so I have to read The Iliad and The Odyssey... so we can chat about it." "And can we not hang out with your parents for a very long time?" " For a very long time." " I mean, I don't hate them." " Leave the driving range at once." " I don't think I can drive." "Honey, have some coffee, and then come home." " The Diebenkorn guy is still in there." " You stay away from the Diebenkorn guy." "He's chatting with my rare-coin guy." "Just do not go back in the clubhouse." "Go straight to your car." "Okay." "I like the valet guys." " Good." "Now go." " I'm going." "Why would you go golfing with that man?" "Why on earth?" "Who, Luke?" "You are encouraging this ridiculous relationship." " Emily, please." " He is not good enough for Lorelai..." " or to be Rory's stepfather, God forbid." " Can we be a little more of a snob, Emily?" "The fact that you paraded him around the club." "Our club!" "It happened to be a fruitful outing." "I am going to assist him in franchising his diner." "Richard!" "That hirsute lout is not capable of running a complex business." "That's obvious, Emily." "That's why he will have no significant role." "He'll be the front man." "We'll shave him, stick his picture on the menus." "The whole thing will hopefully bestow some credibility on him." "At least then, if this insane relationship between him and Lorelai continues... we can legitimately take him to places like the club." "At least on holidays." "This is absurd." "You're absurd." "The whole thing's absurd." "And you're not thinking ahead." "Excuse me." "Hi." " Are you typing?" " No." "Yes, you are." "I thought we agreed you wouldn't type while we talk." "Got to break the rule just this once." "I'm in a rush." "It's been a crazy couple of days." " School?" " Paper." "Long story." "I'll fill you in, in person." "Where are you off to?" "Luke's." "I have to de-stress him after his unhappy Gilmore outing." "Dad tried to take over his whole life." " He wants to franchise Luke's." " You're kidding." "Hey, do men shave anywhere except their faces?" " I don't know." "I've never lived with a man." " Same here." "If he does franchise the diner, get him to put one near Yale." " I miss those burgers." " He's not franchising." " Can I ask you a question?" " Sure." " Do you think I'm too scared?" " What?" "Too scared, too timid." " Do I take enough chances?" " What kind of chances?" " I don't know." "Life chances." " I think you do." " I'm not a mouse?" " Where is this coming from?" "I don't know." "Just something I've been thinking about lately." "Someone's at the door." "Say "hi" to Luke for me." " Lf he's not comatose." "Bye, honey." " Bye."