"I'm Xavier." "With an "X."" "Your life is so much fun." " Gotta live life while I can." " What does that mean?" "Humankind only has eight months and 12 days left on Earth." " You're serious." " Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh." "This is my apocalyst." "This is every last thing I want to do before things go kaput." " (Screams) - (Xavier whoops)" "(Laughing)" "You in?" " Previously on No Tomorrow..." " HANK:" "The other night at trivia," "Deirdre whispered in my ear and something happened." "I had what can only be described as a full-blown eargasm." "I don't want to get married." "So, how's the new guy?" "Xavier is just so fun!" "Crazy fun." "It's like... in the last couple of weeks, I feel like my whole world is opening up, you know?" "See, the key to my philosophy... is to really suck the marrow out of life while you still can." "Mmm." "_" "(Mouth full):" "That's amazing." "That is so good." "You've got to try this." "No, you know what?" "I am going to, uh, respectfully say no to marrow. (Laughs)" "Oh, thank you again for dessert." "I guess I was still hungry." "Yeah, well, you wouldn't be hungry if you'd eaten the marrow." "It's all protein, anyway." "Really sticks to your ribs." "Mm." "Because it is ribs." "So that makes sense." "Mm... no." "I think it's more like" " femur, actually." " Mm." " (Yells) - (Gasps)" " (Shrieks)" " Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!" "But... oh, are you okay?" "Oh, this coffee is very hot and very sticky and it's making its way to my nethers." " (Whoops)" " What?" "Um, oh!" "You can't do that!" "We're in public!" "Oh." "Excuse me, folks." "I just spilled an exceedingly hot beverage all over my body, and rather than end this lovely day with a woman I find particularly delightful," "I thought I'd take a dip." "Do any of you mind?" "Water's fresher by the spout." "Ah, thank you, kind sir." " You see?" "No problem." " Yeah, well, you're lucky you're so charming." "I could never get away with that." "Why not?" "Ah, because I'd be worried I'd get arrested?" "Or a waterborne parasite?" "You are going to miss out on some pretty great stuff in life if you don't push those boundaries once in a while." "Come on." " (Shrieks)" " Take a dip." " (Laughing)" " Why not?" "Get your feet wet!" "Dip a toe, it's lovely." "Now I don't need to take a bath." "Do you think I'm uptight?" "Your shirt is unbuttoned." "(Gasps) What?" "No." "I don't have buttons." " Next question." " (Exhales)" "I feel like Xavier and I are in a good place... we're fun, we're a fun couple... but he thinks I need to push my personal boundaries." "I'm all for trying new things, but there is a limit." "Girl, you're all limits." "The hot Russian wants you." "Well, that's a two-way street." "Hi, Mikhail, what can I do with you?" " You are customer service rep, da?" " Da." "I get your e-mail about customer complaints, but is not shipping department's fault that the packages are late, okay?" "If there is weak link in system," " is not me." " Okay, I hear you." "I don't care, but I hear you." "I'll look into it, Mikhail." "Thank you." "Dasvidania." "You know, he's right." "I have noticed a lag in fulfillment lately." "I bet if I tracked a fake order," "I could find out where the problem is." "Solid plan, Fancy Drew." "Why don't you just suggest it" " to Deirdre at the morning meeting?" " Oh, I can't do that." "No." "(Chuckles)" "I'm not that loud squawky person that's like," ""Hey, here's what we need to do."" "Sounds like a personal boundary that needs some crossing." "No way." "Deirdre doesn't like anyone else talking in Morning Meeting." "She's so in love with the sound of her own..." "Voice!" "I mean, it's got powers." "It does something to me." " Yeah, but she's your boss." " I know!" "I know that!" "I just can't let her whisper to me ever again." "Here it is!" "My article on Mariposa Theory." "(Laughs)" "T-rrific!" "Your first cover story, man!" "That's so boss!" "You gotta capitalize on this." "I already pitched my next story to my editor, and looks like he's going to bite." "Bam." "I mean girls." "Like..." "This is the kind of jolt that can move you on from Evie." "You got heat." "You got momentum." "You... you've got a ticket to ride." "Yeah, ride what?" "♪ Uh, uh, ah, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪" "Hump train, man." " What?" " She's pretty." "Give her the old "published columnist" vibe." "What?" "No." "No, no, no, no, no." " Yeah, yes." " I can't do that." "Sure you can, T-Zone!" "Just..." "Look, I met Evie in a Krav Maga class when she... when she kicked me in the face." "My girlfriend before that was a friend of my cousin." "I've never just, like, gone up to someone at a bar or something." "Well, there's no time like the present, my man." "You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone." "Be aggressive." "B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!" " (Growls)" " What about you?" " What about me?" " You're always saying how you want to train so that you're ready to fight your way into a Jade Helm bunker, but all you ever do is watch that American Samurai Soldier show." "Ha!" "I'm gathering inspiration." "Yeah, well, "No time like the present, my man."" "Okay." "I'll train if you make a move." "Deal." "Recognize anybody from around here?" "On the cover?" "WOMAN:" "Oh, yeah." "You're the guy that owes me $5.95 for this magazine." "Cool." "Cool, cool." "Quick." "1972 screwball comedy starring Babs Streisand and Ryan O'Neal." "What's Up, Doc?" "See, that is both the answer and the question" "I am currently asking you." "What's up, doc?" "Nothing much." "I'm just watching this television program on my break." "Oh, I love American Samurai Soldier." "There's a new episode on tonight." "We could watch it together." "Have drinks." "Colleague drinks." "Talk shop." "I got a lot going on tonight." "I'm starting a new training regimen." "As a card-carrying member of the Curves Gym for Women for the last 12 years," "I can give you some very useful pointers." "I am particularly adept at squats and burpees." "I actually already have a teacher." "It's... uh... that ripped Russian dude." "He's actually giving me pointers." "I thought you had suspicions about... (Whispering): the Russians." "Oh, Jiminy wow!" "Look at the time." "You have Morning Meeting." "Oh, yes." " Are you coming?" " Yes." "Morning." "It has come to my attention that we have severe customer service issues related to timeliness." "People are receiving their items late." "I think we should track a mock order from checkout to delivery to find the weak link." "(Whispering):" "Holy mind meld." "Intern..." "Uh, Charlie." "Intern," "I'm not sure what made you think it was a good idea to interrupt me or to speak at all at this meeting..." " Told ya." " Yeah." "... but I like that you took the initiative." "It's bold." "It's what I want to see." "Make it a real order." "Pick something you want and keep it at the end." "A little boldness bonus." "(Gasps)" "Well, ain't that just a steaming heap of... (Doorbell rings)" "Hello." "You were right." "I do miss out on things by setting boundaries." "Like..." "I have this rule about not interrupting people, right?" "My mom always said, "When someone's talking, don't start squawking." You know?" "And I always prided myself on not being pushy like that." "But why not?" "It's not hurting anybody!" " And you know what else?" " Uh... (Exhales)" "Hello, world!" "I'm not wearing all my clothes!" "In public!" "This isn't hurting anybody, either." " It's certainly not hurting me." " Okay." " (Laughs)" " Um... uh..." "That was really freeing, actually." "You know, that shirt is super itchy, by the way." "Hi." "I'm Tuesday." "You must be Wednesday." "You didn't tell me anyone was joining us, babe." "So, you two are seeing each other... too?" "We were." "We do..." "Um, I've been meaning to talk to you about it." "Babe, do you still have my Stevia?" "I'm making hemp seed muffins for my Reiki group." "Um, just one sec." "Look, I'm glad that you've been thinking about, you know, your boundaries, because, part of sucking the marrow out of life, as it were, is not being bound by arbitrary rules about relationships." "Not sleeping around is an arbitrary rule?" "I subscribe to the notion of ethical non-monogamy." "And it's important for me to have your blessing on that." "What, I'm just a flavor of the day?" "Do you call all of your dates" ""Tuesday" and "Wednesday"?" "I happen to be seeing Tuesday, along with another girl named Wednesday." "Actually, there was a Sunday at one point, but I think she moved to Portland." "Oh, so you're not Wednesday." "I'm not any day of the week!" "Okay." "Well, it was really nice to meet you." "And, Exie, I will see you at Bare Naked Yoga." "Mm-hmm." "So when was the last time you slept with Lucy Braless?" "Honestly, not since I met you." "Okay." "Good." "But I don't want to rule anything out." "You know, what if Amy Brenneman walked in here right now and offered herself to me?" "Would you really want me to say no?" "Amy Brenneman?" "Oh, she's number 385." "Judging Amy?" "Yeah." "I've been into her since Heat." "Well, actually, number 385 is a threesome with Amy Brenneman and Christiane Amanpour, but Amanpour's on location so much it seems unlikely." "I..." "I just assumed that neither of us" " was gonna sleep with anyone else." " Why?" "Because we're sleeping with each other, regularly." " It should be understood." " Evie, we've got eight months left to live." "Eight months." "I don't want to live my life with limitations of any kind." "What?" "That is just your way of having your cake and eating it, too." "But I'm telling you about the cake." "And I want you to have the cake." "That's the ethical part." "What if I don't want cake?" "You're forcing cake on me." "Who says no to cake?" "That's not the point." "I want you to experience everything life has to offer." "And if you feel attracted to somebody, then I want you to explore that." "How do you have this way of making crazy things sound almost logical?" "So... do you want to come to Bare Naked Yoga?" "Not at all." "It's just not what I thought it was." "Well, what did you think it was?" "Marriage?" "White picket fence?" "Xavier does not seem like that kind of guy." "Well, then what kind of guy is he?" "!" "Please, tell me, because I clearly don't know." "He's a sex god who lives to thrill you." "No, he does what he wants without any regard for how I feel about it." "Okay, did you two ever actually talk about commitment before this?" "Technically... no." "And did he ever lead you to believe that he was anything other than a totally free spirit?" "I mean... no." "He's not as safe and vanilla as your previous boyfriends and that's a good thing." "I asked Timothy to talk dirty to me once and he developed a stutter." "I'm gonna p-p-pound your-your... your-your... uh, never mind." "P-P-Poor guy." "You know, maybe with someone like Xavier," "I have to sacrifice some of that feeling of safety and security." "Or maybe you just aren't willing to go certain places." "It's okay." "Except when Charlie, the intern, gets free travel speakers and you don't." "No, I go... places." "I went to 7-Eleven once... without a bra on, in the dark, to buy tampons, but still." "(Sighs)" "Look... if you really want to push your personal boundaries, you should come out with me tonight." "My pansexual posse and I are going to the Pleather Palace and we're gonna get turnt." "Yeah, I could try... turnt." "Give the girl a White Russian." "(Grunts)" "Hey, um, Mikhail?" " Da?" " You're a pretty..." " muscular dude." " Thank you." "Is kind." "I'm, uh..." "I'm strategizing for the end of the world, which... you wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" " Nyet." " Nyet?" " Nyet." " Super." "So, I was wondering if you might be able to give me some pointers about building up my brute strength." "Ah." "Grab box." "Move to shelf." "This box?" "(Grunts)" "(Gasping breathing)" "(Grunting)" "(Wheezing)" "Your technique is sloppy, but your thighs contain great power." "I will train you." "(Wheezing)" "♪ Nom, nah, eh ♪" "♪ Nom, nah, eh... ♪" " DEIRDRE:" "Evie?" " (Gasps)" "Oh, rats!" "I'm busy!" "I wanted to talk to you about Operation" "Hanky Panky." "I have done everything I can to pique his interest and yet he steadfastly refuses to acknowledge my advances." "Uh, seems like you're kind of up in his personal space." "Maybe you should try hanging back a little." "You know?" "You've got to respect" " people's boundaries." " What?" "(Gasps) Oh, my..." "That's insulting." "I totally respect boundaries." " Hello?" "!" " Nice brassiere." "I like the purple." "You know, maybe you should try thinking of Hank as a butterfly." " Pardon?" " (Gasps)" "I read an article on something called Mariposa Theory." "When you're trying to catch a butterfly, you can't be aggressive and use a net; you'll kill it." "But if you're gentle, and patient and approach it from the side... it might just land on your arm." "Sure." "Butterfly." "Boundary." "Got it." "(Humming "Danny Boy")" "♪ The pipes ♪" "♪ The pipes are calling ♪" "I have to hum a little to get things going." "♪ And I'll be he... ♪" "(Grunting): ♪ Here... ♪" "(Upbeat dance music plays)" "Oh, sorry." "Oh, hey." ""B" for effort." "I think you could stand to add a little "rode hard and put away wet" to this look." "Well, I was copying a picture of this rocker chick, but my phone fell in the toilet." "So... yeah, now I'm here on a weeknight and totally unable to receive work e-mails or texts of any kind." "Give it to me." "I do this thing with rice and a pillowcase." "I'll have it working by tomorrow." "We need to improvise." "Come here." "Oh, no, ow!" "It's good." "It gets it kind of dirty... quick." "Ew, no, no!" "No, it's good." "It'll get it crunchy." "I found this eyeliner in the bathroom." "It's only half used." "Ew!" "No, no!" "Won't I get a stye?" "Well, if all goes well tonight, you'll get a lot more than that." "Get ready to stretch those personal boundaries." "Ooh." "Whoa." "Six shots?" "Who is doing all those?" " We are." "Three each." " Oh." "For starters." "Cheers." "(Inhales)" "Mmm..." "Scotch after Naked Yoga." "This is a first." "Well, there's no time like the present." "I don't know if this is worth $500 a glass, though." " It's worth it 'cause it's rare." " _" "Hmm." " So, that girl from yesterday, Evie, - _ it's pretty serious, huh?" "Uh..." "What?" "No, you know what I'm like." "Don't like being tied down." " I'm a rolling stone." " Mm-hmm." "So, are you coming to the blood moon party this Thursday night?" "Hot tub, hot girls, it happens once every 17 years." " I don't... know." " _" "I knew it." "You are so sprung on that chick." "I think it's sweet." "You're changing your stripes." "I'm not changing anything." "I'm committed to living what's left of my life without limitations." "Put your money where your mouth is?" "And your mouth... wherever you want." "(Upbeat dance music playing)" "I'm dancing my face off!" "Good!" "I can't even technically feel my face!" "Even better!" "(Laughs)" "(Moaning)" "(Vomiting)" "(Coughs)" "(Toilet flushing)" "(Groans)" "I'm totally hungover." "Yeah, sorry, I probably pushed you a little too hard last night." "Are you kidding?" "I just puked at work." "Do you know how badass that is?" "I feel like Sandy at the end of Grease." "(Laughs)" "I couldn't have done it without my wing woman." "Okay." "Oh!" "I almost forgot." "I got your phone working and I added some dating apps." " (Phone beeping repeatedly)" " If Xavier wants an open relationship, you should at least see what's out there." "Whoa, I missed seven texts from him last night." "He wants to talk." "You can play a little hard to get." "I must say, last night was fun." "Doing body shots off of a guy in a leather thong is a personal boundary I never thought I'd cross." "But I don't know, ethical non-monogamy still feels too out there for me, which is too bad because Xavier's so hot and so fun." "He's the Danny to your Sandy." "Oh, I love Grease." "Maybe we start smaller." "You could sleep with other people... together." "What do you mean, like... a threesome?" "Or a foursome or a fivesome." "I'd definitely stop at six, though." "Most bedframes can't support the weight." "No, that seems like a big step." "Well, you wanted to push your personal boundaries." "At least this way you're with Xavier, which is way safer than, say, going on a date with a complete stranger." "Mm, I don't know." "I could get nervous... or jealous or not like it at all." "Or it could be amazing." "You'll never know until you try." "Oh, hey, Deirdre." "Have you decided on what color you want to paint that accent wall in your office yet?" "I got the guy coming on Tuesday." "Hello?" "(Distantly):" "Deirdre?" "(Echoing):" "Hello?" "EVIE (distantly):" "If you're gentle and patient, it might just land on your arm." "(Whispering):" "It's okay." "Oh, gosh." "You're safe." "This tactic requires more patience than is currently at my disposal." "Maybe stop focusing on getting Hank and start focusing on Hank himself." "You know, who is he?" "What are his hopes and dreams?" "It's not about wanting him, so much as it's about wanting what's best for him." "You know, wanting him... to experience everything life has to offer." "Okay." "(Groaning)" "Champions do not tire." "(Harp trilling)" "(Harp trilling)" "What do you want, butterfly?" "(Grunts)" "Okay, water break." " Oh..." " Uh, duh-duh." "For me." "(Phone buzzing)" "TIMOTHY:" "Hey." "I know I said I'd commit to this, but... if my back gives out," "I'm not getting into the bunker, anyway." "Dude, how-how is that training you to get into the bunker?" "You should be jumping over stuff, you know?" "Shimmying through tight spaces, climbing walls." "All you're doing is stacking boxes." "I-I think that guy is just getting you to do his work for him." "Remember Karate Kid?" "Daniel-san had to wash, like, 50 cars before learning a single move." "He's Miyagi-ing me." "Anyways, how's your thing going?" "You ask anyone out yet?" "It's a work in progress." "I'll call you back." "I was horsing around with my dog." " Typical." " Yeah, yeah." "So, when I was wrestling with Charlie I thought that, like, my apartment's not..." "I just kind of have to be the person to make the first... to be that person to make the first move." " Uh, excuse me..." " She kind of has a victim complex." " Have either of you two ever..." " (Laughing):" "Yeah." "Sir, did you just say something?" "Uh, uh, y... have either of you ever heard of biomimicry?" "Oh, I have." "Isn't it that thing where they inject real fat cells from your butt into your cheekbones?" "No, no, no, it's when they make a movie based on a real person." " Like Borat." " Mm." "Mm-hmm!" " No, not like Borat." " Exactly like Borat." "Actually, can I grab..." "So I got all your texts," "And I've been thinking about what you said about ethical non-monogamy." "And I know it's not an easy thing to just roll with." "EVIE:" "Oh, my God, is that..." "Amy Brenneman." "Oh, my God, she's number 385." "This isn't happening." "It's too weird." "It almost feels fated." "Maybe we should start... pushing boundaries together... as a couple." "What now?" "A three... of us... at once." "Are you being serious?" "This is not the time to joke." "Are you being serious?" "Yeah, let's..." "let's do this." "Okay." " Yeah?" "Okay." " Okay." "Okay, I'm just gonna walk over there like this." " Just... casual." " Cool." "Casual." "(Mouthing words)" "Hi." "Can I buy you..." "Vodka, rocks." "Three limes." "Yes." "Um, could we have a vodka... what she said?" "So, uh, we... (chuckles)" "She and I..." "Evie." "This is Evie." "Hi, I am Evie" "Hi, I'm Amy." "Brenneman." "Um, so... the thing is, we never thought we'd actually meet you, um... in person, uh, but, um... but..." "We are so glad we did." "You're so beautiful." "Thank you." "That's... that's very sweet." "Um, we were just wondering, um, whether you would be interested in, um..." "See, we keep this list." " XAVIER:" "Right." " What kind of a list?" "A list of all the things we want to, uh..." "Do." "Yeah, before we die." "And one of those things is me?" " Um..." " Well, don't get shy now." "What do you have in mind?" "(High-pitched voice):" "Um..." "That we all go to your place, we have another drink, things get a little loose." "And then, before you know it, you're doing things you never thought possible." " Pushing your boundaries," " XAVIER:" "Mm-hmm." "testing your intimacy." " Mm-hmm." " Yeah." "Okay, in reality... it's awkward." "It's a little messy." "Emotionally complicated." "And in the end you're gonna be better off just keeping me as a fantasy." "So..." "I am gonna enjoy this delicious drink," " Yep." " and I wish you both... the very best." "This is beyond the pale." "This is, quite frankly, depraved." "(Passionate moaning, heavy breathing)" "I've seen a lot of shocking things in my courtroom over the years..." " Well..." " (Breathing heavily)" " that was not exactly - _ the threesome we had in mind," " but..." " (Turns off TV) it was still very spirited." "(Laughing)" "At least I was open to being open... that counts." "Oh, that definitely counts." "(Cell phone chimes)" "Oh... (Sighs)" "I forgot Kareema signed me up for some dating apps." "You know, see what's out there kinda thing." "I forgot my profile was going live." " Uh-huh." " (Multiple chimes)" "Wow... people are so nice." "What's that, like, 18 messages from 18 different men in one minute?" " Well, they're not all men." " Oh, okay." "I didn't think this would be so exciting." "Oh, great." "That's great." "(Chiming continues)" "(Phone chiming)" "Oh, I still haven't figured out how to respond to people." "I've never been on a dating app before." "Oh, yeah, Miss Popular." " (Laughs):" "Shut up." " (Chiming continues)" "Well, I'm not surprised." "Any guy on there's gonna think he won the lottery when he sees you." "Holy guacamo..." "I know this guy." "He works on the shipping dock." "Kareema and I call him the Russian hu... hopscotch champion." "Because I guess... you know, he's really good at that in his home country." "Hmm, that's unique." "Let's have a look." " I think I just..." " Did you swipe right?" "I swiped right." "Oh, I can't believe you matched with the Russian hottie." "I can't go out with someone from work." "I'm very familiar with corporate policy on this." "Oh, my gosh, he's coming over here." "Evie, da?" "You swipe right." "Da." "Yeah." "Hi." "I heard about the vomit in bathroom yesterday." "Wild girl." "You like good time, da?" "I like good time." "Mm-hmm." "You like good time tonight?" " Uh..." " Oh, don't worry." "No, no, we make group thing." " Okay?" "I have brother." " Oh..." "Party girls, eh?" "Think about it, okay?" "Then say yes." "(Whispering):" "Oh, yes!" "Oh, we're going." "If for no other reason than to find out if his brother is as hot as he is." "EVIE:" "Nope, nope." "He thinks I'm a party girl." "Can I live up to that?" "Who cares what he thinks?" "Do it for yourself." "That's what casual dating is for." "Oh, I know." "I-I feel like I'm cheating on Xavier." "No, no way!" "He said if you found somebody attractive, you should explore it." "True." "Yeah, so pack your gear, girl." "We're going exploring." "(Whimpers)" "EVIE (calling out):" "Hey, um..." "I just wanted to let you know that we are... we're on for tonight." "Cold beans." "Uh... by the way, do you have to walk around that wall of boxes every time you want to talk to someone in another department?" " Da." " Well, how do you communicate with fulfillment?" "We don't." "Every order has to be checked against manifest." "(Raising voice):" "But lazy bastards in fulfillment don't want to walk around for every order." "So they wait until we have stack, then they come." "Okay, well, that's inefficient." " Eh." " Uh, I'll look into it." "See you tonight." "Cold beans!" "Hey, Tony, um, is it true you guys don't walk every order over to shipping?" "Shipping never shows us the manifest." "They're supposed to bring it to us, not the other way around." "And is it true that they have cinnamon rolls in their vending machine?" "Cinnamon rolls?" "!" "All we got here is water and gum." "I don't know about that." "Yeah, well, things are better on the other side of the wall." "Okay, I'll investigate." "Samurai, wow!" "Oh!" "Oh..." " (Pained cries) - (Crowd cheering)" "I'm so glad we said yes to this." "Brothers has always been a fantasy of mine." "You know, I believe, um, two guys at once is called a-a "devil's threesome."" "Look who's the threesome expert now!" "I've taught you well, Grasshopper." "Kill him!" "Bite his nuts!" "(Evie laughing)" "Let me get a photo of you two... come here." "Smile." "XAVIER:" "Wrestling?" "Really?" " Is this seat taken?" " XAVIER:" "Go ahead, mate." "Cool!" "Mm." "Did you read that piece on... (Snapping fingers)" "Mariposa Theory?" "Uh..." "I-I wrote that piece." "You're kidding." "You're Timothy L. Finger... of Finger Tips?" "♪♪" "You'd be surprised how unimpressed women are by that." "I've got so many things I want to ask you." "Well, first question, what are you drinking?" " 'Cause it's on me." " (Snaps fingers)" "Sometimes a tech problem should be addressed gently from an unexpected direction." "Like a delicate butterfly." "Hence the name "Mariposa Theory."" "Ah, that's brilliant, mate." "I can't fathom why chicks don't dig that." "To be fair, I never got this far into the explanation." "I'm not the most assertive when it comes to women." "Why not?" "My last girlfriend broke up with me." "We'd been together for a long time." "And the worst part is she's... she's already with a new guy." "Well, I'm sure he's not half the man you are, mate." "You're Timothy Finger." "(Loudly):" "This is Timothy L. Finger." " You remember the name." " Thank you." " You're right, though." " Yeah." " I-I'm Timothy Finger." " Yes, you are." "I'm Timothy Luscious Finger." " Published columnist." " And you know, you shouldn't get too attached to any one bird anyway." "I mean, take me, for instance." "This one girl I adore." "She's off on a date with some donkey right now." " Ouch." " No, no, it's fine." "I mean, it's easy to give in to petty jealousy, but life is so much richer when you accept that you can't possess another person." "Right?" "Yeah, I guess." "She's free to suck... the marrow out of life at any given opportunity." "We all are." "Here's to sucking the marrow." "To sucking the marrow!" "Mate, have you ever heard of the blood moon party?" "Huh..." "It gets a bit wild, but... if you're game..." "I'm in." " Yes!" " Yeah, let's do it." "(Whooping, laughs)" "Hey, where did the guys go?" "I thought they were getting us beers." "I guess we'll get our own." "Thank you for coming." "I'm actually having a great night." "It's about to get so much greater." "Surprise." "We're up next." "Wait, what do you mean "up"?" " We are team." " The Python Brothers." "Why python?" " Because of python." " (Chuckles)" "I get it." "We go on after Amateur Ladies Mud Wrestling." "Wait, there's mud wrestling?" "You said you were open to trying new things." "Yeah, and I meant it." " (Dings) - (Crowd cheering)" "Oh..." "(Bell dings)" "(Crowd cheering)" "(Whistling, cheering)" "Oh..." "(Both grunting)" "Yeah!" "(Whistling)" "(Yells)" " (Laughing) - (Crowd cheering)" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "♪♪" " (Alarm blaring) - (Howling)" "(Tribal drumming)" "XAVIER:" "Me may have smoked a bit too much." "TIMOTHY:" "I disagree." "I think it was the perfect amount." "(Growling)" "(Hissing)" " (Grunting) - (Growling)" " Hey, Exie." " Whoa." "Hi." " Hi." " Hi." "Mmm." "Mmm, this is, um..." " this, um..." " Who's your friend?" "It's Timothy Finger." "This is Tuesday." " Hi." " Hi." "This is Calliope." " (Laughs)" " Calliope's here." "Wasn't a threesome with me and Calliope something you've always wanted to try?" " Well, um..." " Maybe we make this a foursome?" " Oh, wow..." " Okay." "(Tribal music playing)" " Come here." " TIMOTHY:" "Oh, good Lord." "(Laughing)" " Oh..." " Mmm..." "You know, Tuesday is my favorite day of the week." "After Fridays." "You're so sweet, Timothy." "(Moaning)" "Finger." "XAVIER:" "Oh, my God." "I'm in a hot tub with two devastatingly beautiful women, and my favorite tech writer." "(Whimpering):" "And it's a rare blood moon!" "Very rare." " Mm-hmm." " Once in a lifetime opportunity." "Oh..." "Oh, isn't this fun?" "It'd be a lot funner with your tongue in my mouth." "I know, I'm sure... splash!" "Oh, what the hell?" "Sorry." "Sorry." "(Groans)" "Timothy Finger," "I have not been straight with you." "I am not the unattached rogue I led you to believe." " There is..." " Huh?" "a woman in my life and I've fallen for her." "I knew it!" "The one you mentioned earlier?" " Yeah." " I've met her." "You would like her." "Girls like that just don't come around more than once in a lifetime." "And now, thanks to me, she's off on a date with someone else." "Do any of you, by any chance, know where people go to watch wrestling?" "(Cheering)" "Thanks for coming with me, mate." "Yeah, are you kidding?" "Of course!" "This has been the best night I've had in a long time." "Oh, dude, I'm really, really happy for you, man." "All right, what does your lady look like?" "Uh, she's uh, like, blonde," " five foot ten..." " Holy smokes." "What?" "TIMOTHY:" "Um..." "My-my ex is here." "Where?" "Right there." " XAVIER:" "Dude, that's Evie." " (Yelling)" "Yeah." "Wait." "How do you know her name?" "Dude, that's my girl." "But that's my ex." "You're her ex?" "You're her guy?" " (Groans)" " Xavier?" "What are you doing here?" "And what are... what are you doing here with him?" " Why are you covered in mud?" " Why are you covered in face paint?" " He was having a foursome." " What?" "Dude!" "Hey, guys." "Just want you to meet our dates." "This is Vlad, this is Mikhail." "(Scoffs)" "Steroids." "Evie, I-I-I really don't know who you are anymore." "A-And I certainly didn't know who you were, Xavier, or I would have never spent this admittedly awesome night with you." "Hey." "Nice hair." "I'm Timothy Finger." "Who?" "(Yelling):" "I'm Timothy L..." "Finger, damn it!" "You want to have some real fun?" "I just left a hot tub with two naked chicks" " because I wanted to come here..." " No, you know what?" "No." "You don't get to come here and ruin my date, that I only went on because you said" "I need to push my boundaries!" " I'm not trying..." " Stop!" "Just..." "Mikhail, Vlad, Kareema, let's... take a shower and get out of here." "XAVIER:" "Are you serious?" "You know, I did not know you'd be such wild girl, Evie." "Tell me, how many male suitors you juggle at one time?" "What can I say?" "I am a party girl." "You know, there's something Vlad and I have always want to do." "You two might be the girls to do it with." "Five way?" "KAREEMA:" "Who's the fifth?" "Monty!" "(Laughs)" "Oh... yep... nope." "I'm out." "Kareema?" "Would you two consider leaving the snake out of it?" " Okay, no." " No, wait, no, okay." "Yeah, it did get weird at the end." "I'm glad I went, though." "Oh, gosh, I hope it's not awkward working with him." "You won't have to talk to him much." "He's in shipping, on the other side of the wall." "EVIE:" "This wall is needlessly dividing our warehouse." "Fulfillment doesn't talk to shipping, and shipping doesn't talk to fulfillment." "Our vending machines are always empty!" "Our heat does not work!" "I tried to walk to the other side once." "They told me I don't have the proper papers!" "Nein!" "Nine minutes it takes to get" " from our side to the other." " EVIE:" "Stop!" "That is why we need to make a change." "These two departments are not so different, really." "Some boundaries are made to be broken." "But everything that gets returned is logged and loaded on the overflow shelves." "It's the first rule in the quality control manual!" "Sorry to interrupt, but..." "No... (sighs)" "You know what?" "I'm not sorry to interrupt." "I will squawk when I need to squawk!" "I wrote the quality control manual." "And today, I am rewriting it!" "Mikhail, tear down this wall!" "MAN:" "Tear it down!" "(All clamoring, whooping)" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "(Cheering, whooping)" "Oh, my gosh!" "MAN:" "Yeah!" "Hey... oh!" "Hey, man!" "Thanks for building that obstacle course, man." "(Laughs)" "What?" "You were Miyagi-ing me, right?" "And you only built the course when I was ready for it?" "I did not build course." "I was happy for free labor." "But who else could have?" "Hello, Hank." "Hello, Deirdre." "I'm glad you enjoyed the obstacle course." "It was you?" "It was me." "It was always me." "Shivering." "Wow." "By the way, Evie, well done knocking down that wall." "Bold initiative." "(Evie laughs)" "Yes!" "(Laughs)" "(Cheering, whooping continues)" "♪♪" "_" "_" " Hey." " Hey." "I was just thinking about..." "I knocked down this huge wall of boxes at work today." "I didn't think about the consequences, or worry about getting fired," "I just did it." "That's great." "I..." "And Deirdre gave me a boldness bonus." "So, even though I'm still a little upset with you for whatever that was last night..." "I wanted to say I'm really grateful you encouraged me to push myself." "I always thought I needed limits, but it turns out they're, uh... (chuckling): kind of limiting." "Well, I'm really glad to hear that." "And I apologize for last night, too." "I didn't realize that Timothy was your Timothy." "And as for Tuesday..." "No, listen." "There's something else I realized." "I've never dated casually." "Ever." "And it's... you know, it's really something I should try, you know, before the world... possibly ends." "Yeah." "I mean, that's... what I've been saying all along." "Right?" "You should try everything." "So that is a long way of saying," "I am open... to this whole ethical non-monogamy thing." "And in the spirit of being open, did you have a good time with Tuesday?" "Uh..." " (Both panting)" " Wait." "I can't do this." "Oh..." "I'm sorry." "Yeah." "Yeah, it was... fun." "Cool." "I'm so hungry." "Do you have anything to eat?" "Uh... well, all I have is the leftover bone marrow." "But, we can... order in." "Mmm, gosh." "That is so good." "It's so..." "I like this so much." " Mm-hmm." " Mmm!" "It's so much better than I thought it would be." "Mmm." "You want some?" "I'm good." "Mmm." "More for me, that's fine."