" What?" " "What?" You're eating fruit." "I'm trying to cut back on fatty foods." "Lauren says my diet makes me feel older." "You know what's making you feel older?" "Your age." "Flynn, this woman has transformed me." "I met her nine weeks ago, and I'm almost off of my blood-pressure medication." " You know why?" " No, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to." "Every night by 9:30..." " Massaging each other." "Unbelievable." "Meantime..." " my handcuffs." "That's all followed by 30 minutes of aerobics and two fish-oil capsules." "Morning, gentlemen." "Morning, chief." "Uh, no "chief" today." "I'm just, uh, one of the guys." "So, uh, that we can get a better handle on why you're doing these ride-alongs what is it you're looking to experience?" " Just what you guys do on a daily basis which hopefully will help me break down some of the walls within the department." "You know?" "We need to stop being such, uh, isolated experts." "I wanna get back to our one specialization, which is justice." "We need to be able to act like one department, one..." " Is that, uh, bothering you, chief?" " Yeah, lieutenant, as a matter of fact, it is." "Really?" "Yellow tape goes up in your vicinity, and that's your reaction?" "Chief, this is Central territory." "If they need us, we have our ringers on." "Excuse me, gentlemen." "I'm gonna go across the street to the crime scene for no other reason than I'm a police officer." "What happened to your being one of the guys?" "I am one of the guys." "One of the guys who gets his responsibility to protect." "One of the guys who understands the concept "to serve."" "Oh!" "Hmm." " One of those guys." " Oh, God." "I hate those guys." " Chief Pope." "Sir." "What brings you here?" " Just doing my job, detective." " Uh, have we met?" " No, never had the honor, sir." "I'm, uh, Detective Richard Tracy." "I just transferred to Central." " It's great to meet you, chief." " You too, detective." "Officer Sullivan." "And, uh, Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza from Major Crimes." "Oh, Major Crimes, wow." "I just called your office three minutes ago." "You guys move fast." "Yeah." "First time anyone's accused them of that." " Wanna bring us up to speed, detective?" " Okay." "Well, our victim was shot approximately 7:30 this a." "M apparently, uh, while returning to his car." "Uh, his keys were in his right hand." "The vehicle's in that guest spot right there, alarm disabled." "Uh, the wallet was still in his pants so, uh, you know, robbery doesn't really appear to be a motive." "But a close-range shot to the face, well, that suggests a personal attack, right?" "Any, uh, witnesses?" "Yes." "Building resident in the stairwell heard two gunshots and about 10 seconds later, saw a woman run past her." "Got a real good look at her face too." "Second witness saw a black BMW stop behind the building." "Something dropped out of the driver-side window." "And a patrolman recovered this gun." "Initially, I thought that this shooting might be related to that unsolved one we had last Tuesday at 9th and Grand." "Yeah, but the calibers don't match." "I, uh, marked the casings where they landed, and this is the victim's cell phone." "Sorry." "I was just driving home from a all-nighter, you know, and I heard the sirens and I figured I'd probably be the first detective on the scene." "No apology necessary, detective." "Hey, you know, if you want, I'd be happy to log all that stuff in for you." " Oh." "Uh, okay." "Thanks." " My pleasure." "We all work for the same woman, after all, don't we?" "Chief Johnson?" "No, no, no." "I mean, you know the lady with the blindfold and the scales in her hands." "You know what I mean." "Because we all have one specialization, right?" "Justice." ""Divisions won't divide us."" " That's our new mission statement, isn't it?" " That's it exactly." "That's right." "Oh, you know what?" "In case I get held up, you mind if I grab your cards?" "Sure." "Thanks." "Thanks." " Kiss-ass." " Yeah, bigtime, heh." "Now, that guy is an example of the kind of police force I'm trying to build here." "He didn't drive by the crime scene and say, "It's not my job." He was proactive." "For a second, I thought that was coming from me." "Yes, yes, he's dead." " Whoa, whoa, chief, chief." " Chief." "Was he a friend of yours?" "All right." "Let's try this again." "When you last saw the victim..." " No!" "No!" " Buzz." "Spent an hour in the parking garage with this woman." "I cannot take any more of this." " Sergeant, why didn't your squad show up?" " Sorry." "No one from Rollout let us know." "It was phoned in." "And, uh, you don't have to call me "chief" today." "I'm just one of the guys." "I think she started making words." "Oh, my God." "I just realized I never had sex with a dead person before." "Well, presumably, he wasn't dead when you had sex with him." "Was he?" "What was the name of the vic...?" "The man that you slept with?" "Intrigue." " Did you say his name was Intrigue?" " His real name was Mark Bernstein." "Oh, my God." "If my boss finds out that he died in my parking garage I'm gonna be in so much trouble." "Who else knew that Intrigue..." "Uh, Mr. Bernstein..." "Spent the night with you?" "Nobody." "I didn't tell anyone." "Why?" "Because if Mark Bernstein doesn't live in your building and you were the only one who knew where he was, I have to wonder if you followed him downstairs to the parking garage and shot him yourself or called someone to kill him for you." "Oh, my God." "You're accusing me of murder?" "No!" "My God!" " No!" " Sergeant, ugh." "Do you have the witness statements yet, or the victim's cell phone or the detective's notes, or anything that actually might lead us somewhere?" "Nothing's been logged in Evidence." "I'll get on the line and see what the holdup is." "Uh, someone needs to stay here with our witness." " Oh, my God!" "No!" " Dear God." "Oh, my God!" "Why is this a major crime?" "The only thing we know about this guy is that his name was Mark Bernstein and he called himself Intrigue." "Someone killed Intrigue?" "You know who this man was, detective?" " Well, he's kind of famous, chief." " For what?" "The Intrigue Technique." "It's a system for picking up women." "What do you mean there's no detective by that name working at Central?" "Well, that's a mistake, because, heh, we all just met him." "Check again." "Yes, I'll tell you who's asking, Assistant Chief William Pope." "Let the record show that he was one of the guys for less than two hours, heh." "Look, I spoke with him this morning." "Yes, Detective Richard Tracy, yes." "Okay, let me speak with your immediate supervisor." "Now." "Ugh, excuse me." "Chief, um, am I to understand that you and, uh, Lieutenant Flynn and Lieutenant Provenza handed over all the evidence from the crime scene including the gun, to a Detective Dick Tracy?" "Yes, Cindy, uh..." "Never mind." "Okay." "Now this is definitely a major crime." " Did you even ask to see his badge?" " No, I didn't." "Then how could you have been so certain that he was an L.A.P.D. detective?" "He knew my mission statement." "That should've been proof that he didn't work here." "How did we miss that?" "This Tracy guy, I mean, he seemed authentic." "I mean, he had an L.A.P.D. notebook." "He had the forms." "He knew things, like, uh..." "Right, like, uh, the caliber of the bullets used in that shooting at, uh, 9th and Grand on Tuesday, right?" "Yeah, that." "So we have a tainted crime scene a murder weapon and casings out of the chain of custody." "We heard that there were witnesses from someone who could quite possibly be the killer, and if not, a pathological liar." "I say we just check with Robbery Homicide and see if they're tracking any police impersonators." "It'd take two seconds." " That's a bad idea." "Bad idea." " No." "Chief, I found Mark Bernstein's, a.k.a. Intrigue's, bio on Wikipedia." "I'm printing it out now along with his DMV info." "This?" "This is the hookup king?" "This method must really work." "It does." "Is that our victim, lieutenant?" "Um..." "Yeah, that's him." "Okay, uh, Lieutenant Provenza, a search warrant for Intrigue's residence and the apartment of our lady of the screams Marie Morgan's, as well." "Thank you." " Ugh." "Good morning." "I'm Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson of the L.A.P.D." "And I have a warrant to search the residence of Mark Bernstein a.k.a. Intrigue." "Again?" " Excuse me?" " The L.A.P.D. was here an hour ago and cleared his place out." " Who was here, exactly?" "Well, let's see." "His name was Lieutenant Provenza of the Major Crimes Unit." "Besides the laptop computer, did you see what else he took?" "DVDs, books, bills." "I helped him carry out three boxes of stuff." "You did?" "Mm-hm, what a gentleman." "Well, Lieutenant Provenza was a very pleasant guy." "Can you tell me about any women coming or going recently?" "From here?" "None." "Ever." "That was one of Intrigue's rules." " Your home, your sanctuary." " Your sanctuary." "Did Intrigue mention if anyone had threatened him?" "These questions are word for word what Lieutenant Provenza asked." " Really?" " Yeah." "Um, everybody loved Intrigue." "You may find this hard to believe, but I'm not naturally so lucky with the lady folk." "But after his web course, that all changed." "And not just once, twice." "Well, thank you, Mr. O'Keefe." "Uh, could you just give us one second?" "Thank you." "Hey, chief." "Chief." "I don't know if this is anything but it's marked, "Tapped pilot rough cut." But the, uh, DVD is gone." " Ugh." " Wonderful." "We have no witnesses and whatever evidence this guy's got is inadmissible in court because it was wrongfully obtained." "It's wrongfully obtained if it was collected by a police officer, which it was not." "As soon as we locate this so-called Detective Tracy we can use whatever he's collected and he'll go to jail for burglary, obstruction of justice, and possibly murder." "Murder?" "Really?" "If Tracy killed this guy, why would he come here and bring a warrant?" "Easy." "He murders Intrigue to get his keys." "The warrant gets him in without suspicion." "And he just takes away everything that connects him to the victim." "Uh, Detective Sanchez, Sergeant Gabriel, please go back to the crime scene and canvass the neighbors." "See if you can locate our original witnesses." "Thank you." "I don't know." "The guy may be a killer, but he's acting more like a wannabe detective." "Makes me wonder where he might go next." "Oh, no." " Oh, no." " What?" "The notification." "Mr. Bernstein?" "I'm Brenda Leigh Johnson from..." "L.A.P.D. Crisis Response Team." "Chief Pope told us to expect you." "Who told you what?" "Uh, L.A.P.D., uh, Assistant Chief William Pope." "He gave us the news about my brother's murder an hour ago." "He said you people from Crisis Response would help us." "Come on in." " Yes." "Wonderful." "Thank you." " Well, you served the warrant." "Pope did the notification." "I wonder what the hell I'm doing right now." "Uh, this is Jill Pappas the network executive who decided to put mine and my brother's show on the air." "I'm Brenda Leigh Johnson, and this is, um..." "Detective Hafram." "I'm so sorry about your loss." "So you and your brother had a show?" "It was supposed to premiere on Slag TV next week." " Slag TV?" " It's a cable channel." " Have a seat." " Oh, thank you so much." "Ken and I were just sitting down to discuss all the upcoming episodes when Chief Pope stopped by." "One of the first things we like to do in, um, Crisis Response is make certain that the family notification was done properly." "So perhaps you can tell us what Chief Pope discussed with you." "Uh, he seemed really focused on knowing who Mark went home with last night." " What did you tell him?" " We had no idea." "Knowing my brother, it was probably a girl he'd just met." "Chief Pope asked about the women who've appeared on our show as well." "Did you provide him with names?" "I told him he could get them from Jill's assistant." "Unfortunately, Marie is not responding to our messages." "Has she texted you yet?" "I just can't wrap my head around the idea that Mark is gone." " I'll be back in a minute." " Yes." "Ms. Pappas, um the brothers, uh, Ken and Mark, did they get along?" " Do you have brothers?" " Three." "Well, then you know how it is." "I think Ken had a little crush on my assistant, but she liked Intrigue." " Was Ken aware of this?" " I think so." "I would never have brought it up, because, well, the brothers did so much better when they got along." " Of course." "I found Intrigue." "I developed the show." "And the pilot was testing off the charts." "It's just such a huge loss on so many levels." " Would you excuse me?" " Absolutely." "If we find this Tracy guy, I'm gonna kill him." "Get in line." "Here's what I don't get." "I haven't made any kind of public statement." "Who gave him all this "no divisions" stuff?" "You did." "Our public transparency project with the new L.A.P.D. website went online last month." "Okay, I had nothing to do with this." "They asked me for a few photos and a couple of old speeches." "L..." " Oh, my God." "What else is on there?" " Case details updated hourly." "Crime stats by the neighborhood." "That's how he found out about the shooting." "Tracy is monitoring the website, quite possibly as we speak." "Okay, um, what else have you found out about our victim, lieutenant?" "Intriguing Endeavors, the company formed by Ken and Mark Bernstein was a cash cow." "Pulled in over $12 million last year alone." "There were some questions about unpaid taxes and an offshore company pulling in proceeds but the, uh, FBI's investigating that." "No." "Fritz and I have discussed this, and we have a deal." "We no longer share information with each other." "Well, I don't have that deal." "And if there's one time that "no divisions" should mean something it's when the FBI and local law enforcement can work together." "Chief, either Tracy is the murderer and he's running around collecting evidence and he's contaminating every single witness..." "Or he's not the killer, and we have to stop him before he makes an arrest." "Until now, he's been one step ahead of us." "But we know something that he doesn't." "Where the victim spent the night and with whom." "Lieutenant Tao." "I'm updating the online case file as we speak, chief." " Who is it?" " L.A.P.D., Miss Morgan." "I'm sorry to bother you." "Who did you say it was?" "Oh, Lieutenant Andrew Flynn of Major Crimes." "I just wanna ask you a few questions." "Oh, just a second." "What the...?" "Ow!" "What are you doing?" "Lieutenant Flynn, I believe you've met Lieutenant Flynn." "Who the hell are you, huh?" "I'm a serious homicide detective doing serious investigative work." " You are also seriously under arrest." " I'm not under arrest." "You're under arrest." " Put your hands against the wall." " I'm arresting you." "And you." "You're all under arrest for assault and battery of a police officer." " Help!" "Police!" "I am the police!" " You have the right to remain silent." " Do not read me my rights." " Oh, don't you tell me what to read." "Help me!" "Ugh, okay." "Okay." "Look, I'll show you one more time." "You click here, and you're displaying the interview-room cameras." "I still can't hear anything." "Because you have to click this to hear interview one." "Anything can happen as I free-associate about the case." "I could crack it wide open sitting here in this room by myself..." "And then click this to hear interview two." " Oh, my God!" " Oh, for heaven's sakes." "We're running an asylum in here." " Ugh." " Thank you, Buzz." "In between the crying and screaming, she said, yes she is this Pappas woman's assistant, and, yes, she worked on the guys' show!" "Oh!" "And she also drives a company BMW, black." "Oh!" " Afternoon, people." " Well, Special Agent Howard." "So, uh, what can you tell us about our victim?" "Three years ago, the FBI began investigating Mark Bernstein's company Intriguing Endeavors because of questionable release forms he and his brother obtained from the women featured in his web videos." "Two of the girls were underage." "Several were too drunk to know what they were doing." "Part of Intrigue's deal in making this new television show was stopping all of that." " So they went legit?" " As far as we can tell." " But..." " With Mark Bernstein gone..." "All cash coming in goes to the surviving brother, yes." "Chief, the victim's computer, I think it could tell us a lot but someone added a boot password blocking access to Intrigue's files." " I'd guess Detective Tracy." " He's not a detective, lieutenant." "But, uh, who is he?" "Sergeant Gabriel, do we know yet?" "Fingerprints say his real name is Jonathan Baird." "He's age 36." "He's got no criminal record, no financial connection to the Bernsteins." "Uh, he's worked for a variety of security companies over the past 10 years fired each time for doing his job a little too well." "He took the L.A.P.D. Academy entrance exam twice scored extremely high, but was never admitted due to psychological issues." " There's a shock." " Now, about his witness statements." "The good news is, his handwriting is impeccable." "The bad news is everything's written in this bizarre code Only he can decipher." "Oh!" "Thank you." "Lieutenant." "Oh, finally." "You know, I feel incredibly underappreciated right now." "Do you, Mr. Baird?" "That is your name, isn't it?" "Ugh." "Are we really gonna sit here and debate my identity or are we going to arrest a killer?" "If we don't catch him in the first 48 hours our chances of success go down dramatically." "We are losing time, people!" "We're not losing any time." "You have all the time in the world." "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't arrest you for murder." "Okay, uh, how about this?" "I didn't do it!" "And by the way, while I'm on duty, could you please refer to me as "detective"?" "You know, if you spent a little more time investigating and just a little less time arresting fellow officers you would know by now that the killer drives a black BMW whereas we all drive Crown Vics." "Why were you at the crime scene in the first place?" "Uh, I guess I saw some black-and-whites there, and I thought:" ""Why don't I show a bit of initiative?"" "I gotta tell you, Chief Pope was a lot more impressed with me than you are." " I need the names of the witnesses." " They're on Page 17 of my official report." "You're not writing a report." "No, I'm not, am I?" "That's because I'm handcuffed to this chair!" "I am not gonna let you blow this investigation!" "I am way farther along on this than you are!" "And you wanna know why?" "Because I move like lightning." "I turn on a dime." "I fly like the wind." "Did you see how fast I served that search warrant?" "That's because we have to get a judge to sign them." "And tell me this." "The woman that our victim was seen with last night does she or does she not drive a black BMW just like our killer?" " Yes or no?" "Just..." " You don't get to ask questions here." " We do." " All right, Lieutenant Flynn." "Yes?" "Look." "Look, just..." " Okay." " Heh." " Detective." " Mm-hm." "You turn on a dime." "You move like lightning." "You fly like the wind." "Do you actually have a theory about this crime?" " Chief." " Look, lieutenant this man has been places we have not and done things we cannot do including interviewing the witnesses." "Maybe you could bring us up to speed." "How about it, Dick?" "Cold, dank, unforgiving." " As mundane as evil itself, and yet..." " Detective, just the fact pattern, please." "I have to set the right tone!" "We may never know exactly what Mark Bernstein, a.k.a. Intrigue was thinking as he walked from the structure's single stairwell to his BMW parked in this unassigned guest spot on Parking Level 2 of three." "Do all the parking levels have unassigned guest spaces?" "That's a very astute question, my Latino friend." "The answer is sí, absolutamente." "Which is "yes, absolutely." Okay?" "Clearly, our killer recognized our victim's car." "Bernstein walked here." "And our shooter, standing here, judging by where the casings landed here and here, likely called his name." "Might've sounded like, "Hey, Intrigue!" "Is that you?"" "The victim turned." "The shooter fired." "Bam, bam!" "One hit." "One hot slug of lead squarely penetrating the victim's forehead." "Excuse me, uh, who was the first eyewitness?" "A Miss Sue Jamison of Apartment 515 was gingerly descending the stairwell when she heard those two gunshots." "Blam, blam!" "Seconds later, a thin woman of about average height fled past her, ostensibly on her way up to the street." "Am I boring you, officer?" "Uh, chief, Ballistics confirms the gun found at the crime scene matches bullets and casings." " Thank you, sergeant." "Detective, would you please continue quickly?" "Three minutes later, a Glenn Ramsdale spies a late-model black BMW stopping behind the building." "Something falls out of the driver-side window." "It's a gun." "And, we've just confirmed, the murder weapon." "Thank you so much, detective." "So, clearly, our killer knew both the building's layout and that our victim was sleeping with Ms. Morgan." "And next, if you look at the TV show that our victim was working on I think you'll be exactly halfway to understanding the killer's motive." "You know, even if a computer won't boot up you should probably still empty the D drive." "You never know what you might find, lieutenant." "Uh, Buzz, could you fast-forward to the actual content?" "Yes, ma'am." "We've all seen how an inexperienced PUA approaches an SHB and how quickly things will go wrong." "PUA, "pickup artist." SHB, "smoking-hot babe," chief." "Do you believe in love at first sight?" "Or should I walk in again?" "He tapped out." "You see, a master PUA will start instantly with a little physo:" "Physical contact." "He'll then use words like "hard" and "penetrate" in the conversation in order to create that sexual charge." " Oh, my Lord, this man is horrible." "Let's take a look at the master at work." " Fast-forward a bit more, Buzz." " With pleasure." "He records this with the video camera on his cell phone, chief." "Let's slow it down again, Buzz." "Nice work, stud." "Ooh!" "That is disgusting." "A clean getaway means no one gets woken up." "That's why my car has a silent alarm." "We all know my pickup was successful but was our SHB left unaware of what exactly had taken place?" "Let's take a look." "So he slept with me, he snuck out on me, and he videotaped it all?" "Yep, that's what he does." "I'm gonna..." "take his little... ******* **** and I'm gonna ******* cut it off." "Stop the camera!" " Yes." " All right, Buzz." "I think we've seen enough of this." "According to the website, Slag TV shot eight episodes of Tapped." "He did this to eight women, and he only got shot once?" "Look, detec..." "Oh!" "You said that this show would take us halfway to our motive." "What is on Intrigue's computer that will give us the other half?" "If I tell you that can I transfer to your squad?" "Of course." "We'd be so happy to have you." "Oh, my God." "I'm one of the guys." "Wow!" "I mean, this is, uh..." "I..." "First of all, let me thank you for acknowledging my good work." "And, uh, secondly, I'm gonna need a badge and a gun because, uh, you know I left mine at home, so..." " You're lying to me." " So hard to believe." "You never had any intention of transferring me to Major Crimes." "Lieutenant, would you please take Detective Tracy?" "God, after everything I've done for you?" "I demand to see my union rep." "You don't have a union rep." "Oh, no wonder I'm so poorly represented." "Chief." "Chief." "I've got, uh, the eight women from, uh, Tapped in the conference room." "They say they have no idea where Intrigue was last night." "And believe me when I tell you not one of them wants to be here." "I understand, sergeant." "Put four of them in Interview Room 1 and four of them in Interview 2." "Hello?" "Officer needing assistance." "And what about our crazy screaming lady, Marie Morgan?" "Add her to the lineup when I ask you to, please, but not a minute before." "Thanks." "Chief, this is Miss Jamison." " She's, uh, our eyewitness from the stairwell." " Oh, yes, of course." "Uh, lieutenant, would you please escort Ms. Jamison to your desk where she can observe the lineup?" " Yes, ma'am." "This way." " Thanks." "Good luck solving this puzzle while I still have the password to the victim's computer." "Mr. Baird, this is not a game where one of us says:" ""It was done in the library with a candlestick by Colonel Mustard."" "In fact, I may end up arresting you as an accessory after the fact." "You ever get tired of always playing the bad cop?" "If you're still worried about this morning, uh..." "I believe we're close to resolving this case, and when we do any unintentional oversights won't make a bit of difference." "How can you say that?" "Sooner or later, Dick Tracy is gonna have to go to court and testify that I handed all the evidence, including a loaded gun, to him a civilian with psychiatric issues." "So no matter how this turns out, I'm screwed." "Maybe not." "Look, Will, I could really use your help with something." "Okay." "What?" "What now, blondie?" "Detective Tracy, I'm fairly certain I know who killed Mark Bernstein and in a short time, I expect to confirm that belief." "Blah-di-blah-blah-blah, y'all." "That said, hm, I'm lacking evidence establishing a compelling motive which I will need to obtain my confession." "So if you are in possession of that evidence, I order you to hand it over this instant including the password you attached to the computer." "You've made it clear that I don't work for you." "So, tsk, that order doesn't really mean anything." "I think I'm not gonna give you that password because you're not my boss." "But I am, detective." " You work for me." " I do?" "Yes, you do, detective." "And I recognize that Chief Johnson's behavior has been an affront to your diligent investigative work." "Chief Johnson seems intent on maintaining her division while, at the same time, dividing herself against herself." " Chief Pope." " I'm sorry, Chief Johnson." "It had to be said." "There is justice, there is the law and there is the power that sustains them both." "That password is a crucial element in the solving of this case." "Detective Tracy here seems to understand that better than you do, chief." "Isn't that right, detective?" " Crimestoppers." " Uh, I'm sorry?" "That's the password that I put on the victim's computer." "It's "crimestoppers." Do I really have to tell you guys everything?" " Hm." " Oh." "Think I know her." "Uh, Lieutenant Tao, just go to, uh, recent..." " Documents?" " Yes, please." " Know her from where?" " Uh, the motor pool, I think." "Here we go, chief." "Jill Pappas is waiting in the electronics room." "Thank you, Buzz." "Lieutenant Tao." "It's printing out right now." " Ms. Pappas, thank you for coming in." " Lieutenant Flynn." "Detective Sanchez." "Have the women face forward." "Put your backs up against this wall." " And look in that direction." " I appreciate that." "Thank you." " I'll go in closer." " Yeah." "Oh, no." "That's Gail McDonald." "She was a particularly bad sport." "During our video follow-up session, she made overt threats toward Intrigue." "It got quite ugly." "Now, Ms. Pappas, uh, I have a bad surprise for you." "Buzz, would you please ask Sergeant Gabriel to bring in our last subject?" "Sergeant Gabriel, now." "It will all be over in a few minutes." "This way." "If you'd just have a seat right over here." "Thank you." "Just try to calm down." "Stay calm." "Everything's just fine, all right?" "That's my assistant, Marie." "I've been trying to reach her all day." "Oh!" "Oh, no." "She was sleeping with Intrigue." "Why would she murder him?" "Maybe she got jealous of all the other women he was tapping." "No." "But that was all part of the show." "Marie knew that going in." "She also had opportunity." "She was in the building where Intrigue was murdered and she drove a black BMW identical to the one used by the killer." "Our production company leases half a dozen of them including the one Intrigue drove." " Intrigue's brother also drove a black BMW?" " That was our contract for as long as the show was in production." " He had a crush on Marie." " That went nowhere." " Well, look, Ms. Pappas I need to know if you'd be willing to testify about Ms. Morgan's ongoing affair with Intrigue." "Oh, God!" "All right, yes." "If you really think it's germane, yes, I will testify." " It's just..." "Oh, God." " What?" "It's just gonna be hell to replace Marie mid-season." "Chief, are you seeing this?" "Yes." "Ms. Pappas, if you wouldn't mind going in and calming Ms. Morgan down." "Just place her in the center of the room, in front of our cameras." " We'll get this over with." " I'll do what I can." "No!" "Jill." "Jill." "I didn't kill him." " I didn't kill him." "I swear I didn't..." " Marie." "Take it easy." "Take it easy." "Breathe." "Chief, you have your ID." " Heh, all right." "I guess I'm free to go, huh?" " Yeah." "No." "But I do think you deserve to see this confession." "Come on." " Relax." "Marie, you must relax." " Okay." "Sergeant Gabriel, would you please escort these lovely ladies out of the room?" "Have a seat." "Ma'am." "Right this way, ladies, please." "Thank you for your time." "Sorry about the inconvenience." "This way." "Except for you, Ms. Pappas." "You can stay." " I'm sorry?" "Did I miss something here?" " Would you read Ms. Pappas her rights?" " You have the right to remain silent." " You think I killed him?" "That's absurd." " Anything you say can be used against you." " I know my rights." "I produced Homicide PI." " You have the right to an attorney." " I don't want or need an attorney." "You have absolutely nothing linking me to Intrigue's death." "You knew that Marie was sleeping with Intrigue which means you also knew that he'd be leaving her apartment this morning." "Because that's one of his rules, isn't it?" "Never take the smoking-hot babe back to your own house?" "You also had access to half a dozen cars identical to the one used by our killer." "And our detectives are combing through yours as we speak for gunshot residue." "Bet you we'd find some on her arms right now." "Not to mention you lied to us repeatedly." "You said that Tapped was going to be a gigantic hit when, in fact, you knew it was about to explode in your face." "Your audience testing, which we printed off of Intrigue's laptop showed that they didn't just hate the show, they loathed the concept and the star." "Lowest scores on record." "When you said "off the charts," you weren't kidding." "By the way, there's an eyewitness who saw you running from the crime scene." "All of this evidence proves that you murdered Mark Bernstein to save your career." "Is that not right?" "When I first signed Intrigue to do the show, I thought he had a likable vulnerability." "Turns out, on camera, he comes off like a psychopathic predator." "I told him he'd have to change his approach." "Do you think he was gonna take notes from me?" "You killed him because he wouldn't take notes?" "I explained to him that the show's failure would destroy me." "But it didn't matter to him because his web business would only continue to grow." "He'd screwed me and was ready to move on just like every other woman he'd ever come across." "He'd make millions while I'd be fighting to get a job as Paula Abdul's personal assistant." " Does that seem fair to you?" " Jeez." "This is just a TV show we're talking about, on basic cable, for chrissakes." "Couldn't you have just canceled it?" "I did with extreme prejudice." " Chief Johnson's not bad, you know?" " Yeah, she's the real deal." "Ms. Pappas you just tapped out." ""What I witnessed next..." No." "I'm not a witness." ""What I saw next made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight." "Not the big hairs, like the..."" "For the last time, will you knock it off over there?" "Make sure to include the witness statements in your report, detective." "Okay." "Does anybody have a mirror, please so I can see if I have the word "rookie" tattooed on my forehead?" "Witness statements go in a separate appendix." "Don't forget about the search warrant." "Itemize the evidence that you took from the victim's apartment." " And..." " Okay." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Do I tell you how to do your job?" "Hmm?" " Chief." " Hmm?" "You're having him write a final report because?" "When he says he served a search warrant, it means that he forged legal paperwork." "When he entered the victim's apartment, he trespassed." "Removing evidence is burglary." "And so on and so on." "And when he signs it, it's officially his confession." "And his defense." "It's proof that he's a total crackpot." "Psychiatric Services will make that evaluation." "And then I'll be halfway to saving Chief Pope's job." "Speaking of which, gentlemen, how's your official report coming?" " You wanna read it before we turn it in?" " No, no, uh, you can just send it upstairs." " Where's the DVD of the show's pilot?" " Oh, got it right here, chief." "Where are you taking it?" "I think the district attorney ought to have a gander." ""En route" is E-N, not O-N." "Mind your own business, Dick." "Yeah?" " Reading anything good?" " Yeah, a marvelous new work of fiction." "Flynn and Provenza's account of today's adventures." "Even if this does become the accepted version of events it all goes out the window when Dick Tracy is taken out of his padded room puts his right hand up at trial and testifies that I handed him the gun and the casings and sent him on his merry way." "Not if it doesn't go to trial." "What do you mean?" "Well, um, I had planned to show Deputy DA Garnett the entire pilot, but it only took three minutes for him to realize that our victim is as despicable as our killer." "So we both agreed that a plea to life would be a most reasonable outcome." "But what will your division think of me if I submit this untruthful report to the chief?" "That you are exactly who you said you wanted to be." "Just one of the guys." "Well, what does that mean?" "We lie to you all the time." "Everybody does." "Robbery Homicide, Vice, Narcotics, even Traffic, heh." "It's the one thing that unites every division of the L.A.P.D. We..." "We all lie to our boss." "I don't..." "What am I supposed to say to that?" " What, "Thank you"?" " You're welcome." "And, um, as far as the respect that my division has for you I can assure you, Will that nothing has changed from yesterday to today." " Honestly?" " Honestly." "So nighty-night, crimestopper."