"Once upon a time, I had a mum who told me everything." "You know, I knew about her lovers and her break-ups." "We'd go to these parties and I'd notice strangers who were flirting with her and... you know, I'd watch." "I'd watch her life from under tables and I'd listen in from my bed and..." "You know, we used to cuddle up and she'd tell me her thoughts about the world." "In my family, we made decisions together." "I felt like an adult." "No fucking way." " Dad, Mum's is left." " Right, strap your helmet on." "Can you imagine, just you and me living together all the time?" " Like, for how long?" " I'm not gonna answer anything until you put your helmet on properly, yeah?" " I want to tell her something." " What?" "Private." " Between me and Mum." " Ah." " When did you decide this?" " I didn't decide any of this." "She was supposed to tell you herself." "Mum?" " Mum?" " Wait one." " Hang on, honey." " Hey." "Tom's been telling the biggest bunch of lies." "What do you mean?" "He said that I'm gonna live with him full-time now." "I mean, I love Dad and all, but can you imagine, even for a little while?" "Also, I've got something" "I really want to tell you." "Mum." "Mum, open the door." "Mum!" "I can give you some pamphlets and books if you like." "It'll set out the steps." "Um, I'll take hormones, take a male name..." "Have you seen my cardigan?" "That new one?" " She's not listening." " No, I get it." "You feel like a man." "You want to become a man." "You need a little space." "Look, you don't have to leave right now." " Can we sit and talk about it?" " I get it, Mum." "It's OK." "Have you washed it?" " I don't know." " Harry!" "Harry?" "Have you seen my red cardie?" "Hey." " Cold." " Give it to me." "You can fuck off..." "Warmer now." "Has she told you yet?" "You knew?" "Everyone knew except me." "My sister should just get a fucking strap-on." "Get a fucking strap-on, woman!" "Oh, get off." "We need to talk to Billie." "Until your mum grows a bit more hair on her chest she doesn't want you around." "Yeah, exactly what we need." "Shipping you off to chef man here." "Yeah, and you work late." "You're never home." " I'll make it work." " For how long?" "Yeah, for how long, brother'?" "Well, top surgery can happen in about nine months, maybe longer." "Full effects of testosterone can take years." " It's a long process." " How long?" " With your dad?" " Yeah." "A year." "I was thinking a year." "My mum always used to tell me how much of a drag it was to breastfeed me." "You know, I was a hungry child and I bit." "But she'd always tell me that she never loved anyone or anything in her life more than she did then." "I loved my mum." "I wanted my mum to be happy." "You're not kicking Harry out, are you?" " He's an adult." " He's an idiot." "I just need my life to be simple right now, Bill." "I'm not sure I can finish this now." "I'll have it ready for you next time you come around, OK?" "Next time I come around?" "A year." "Look." "How about we make a promise to each other?" "How about every week we set aside some time to be with each other, just you and me?" "You could come over after school and we'll drop everything and it'll be our time together." "How does that sound'?" "Every week?" "Same time, every week, without fail." "Every Tuesday?" "Do you promise?" "I promise." "There are just so many things that I should have said." "There were so many things that I just wasn't clear about and..." "These are all the things that I should have said before now." "So at the moment, because it's under Medicare, prior to surgery being approved, something called Real Life Experience is required." "Do you know about Real Life Experience, Billie?" "Yeah, I've told her about RLE." "Good." "So you must understand that before we can prescribe hormones, your mum must continue to come to us for assessment." "Second session now." "I think this whole process should take about two or three months." "Then after about six months, we can look at surgery." "Female-to-male chest reconstruction surgery." "Hysterectomy can follow, if that's what you want." "What's a hysterectomy?" "It's where they take the uterus out." "Now, I understand you've taken a male name." "What do you think about your mum's new name, Billie?" "James is a lovely name." "Hello, James." "Um, hello." "Thanks." "So, do I call you Dad novW" "Um... whatever you're comfortable with, I suppose." "Dad." "When will I see you next, Dad?" "Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad." "Dad." "Next week, same time." "Eat with your chopsticks, honey, not with your fingers." "It tastes better..." "Dad." "It's rude..." "Billie." " Ow, that hurt." " It did not." "Eat properly." "Mum?" "Harry?" "Uncle Harry?" "You know, you shouldn't be missing school because of me." "It's not the point." "I just thought we could hang out." "Yeah, well, I've got appointments before, and then after I've got to work." "Nice sideburns." "Look, I can't keep having the school call, saying you're skipping out." "I thought we'd have more time together." "Let's just stick to an agreed time." "Four till ten?" "Sure." "Four till ten." "You promise?" " Just promise, will you?" " OK, OK, I promise." "And stay out of my stuff." "What?" "What are you eating so fast for?" "What do you do on the other nights?" "Not much." "I work." "Do you go out?" "Nah, not yet." "You will." "Jesus." "This house is so fucking cold." "Got another exciting night planned together?" "I'll take back what you don't want." "Dad won't even know what's missing." "Frida!" "Hovv long are you here for?" " Dad?" " Just for tonight, remember?" "And then it's back to Mum's tomorrow." "Back to Mum's tomorrow." "I get to sleep in your bed." "What's this?" "scissors, wool crepe, spirit gum, pencil eyeliner, mascara?"" "It'll be fun." "And then he turns around and goes "Salt-water thief!"" ""You, sir, are a notable pirate!"" "And then the other one comes in and he goes," ""Don't call me names, sir!"" "Adam's Apple." " You're still into women, yeah?" "" " Yeah, of course." "If you're with them, are they a lesbian or are they straight?" "I don't want to be with anyone yet." " When, then?" " When I'm a man." "I thought you were a man now." " Didn't you have any dinner?" " Nah." ", HEY- . H8'!" "" "...because of the vacuum and stuff, but it feels kind of peaceful." "There's a great view, too." "Hey, I've lost weight." " Really?" " Yeah, really, really." "I was checking out binders the other day because, well, I thought mine had stretched out." "Now it looks like I've just lost weight." "Sorry." "Have you told anyone?" "Nuh-uh." "No one." "I haven't told anyone." "Good." "I don't even know your names, so..." "Josh." " Jasmin." " Josh and Jasmin?" "Josh and Jasmin." "Jasmin and Josh." "Fuck off, then." "Oh, no, no." "I was thinking about my mum." "Uh, my mum's name starts with a J, and so when I was growing up," "I always wanted my name to stan with a J." "It just feels like a better way to start a name, with a J rather than a B. Uh, Billie." "You know, growing up, the only Billies I knew were pet dogs." "So you wanna play a game?" " Sure." " Yeah." "I'm so, so sorry." "I completely lost track of time." "We OK, honey, don't worry about it." " No, I'm so sow." " What were you doing?" "I'm on my way now." "I'll be, like, 3O minutes." "Look, by the time you get here, we'll only have a couple of hours together and then H!" "have to drive you home." "Just go straight to Tom's." "Really?" "I'm literally on my way now." "It's OK, hon." "If I go to work early, I'll finish early." " It'll be good." " Are you sure?" "Yeah." "It'll be good to have an early night for once." "OK." "Well, I'll see you next week?" "H!" "see you then." "Love you." "Love you too." "I'm so sorry." "Can't you just hit it to me?" "What, you don't want to play properly?" "This is supposed to be fun, and instead you're just making fun of me." "Making me run all over the fucking court." "I'm trying to say something." "You never fucking listen to me." "Is this about last week?" "You were the one who was late." "I just thought it would be easier if we just skipped it." "And I'm just saying that I'm really sorry and I never want to miss hanging out with you." "Never." "OK, well, let's just make sure we never miss out again." "OK, exactly." "Let's just make sure." " OK, let's." " Good." "Now, do you want to play or what?" "Yes." " Hey, open your mouth." " Why?" "Just open your mouth." "Wider." "I've got spit all over my mouth." " That's disgusting." " Mm." "Now the other side." "What does it taste like?" "Minty fresh." "No, I mean..." "what does he taste like?" "Well, why don't you try'?" "OK." "Oh, shit, I've gotta go." " What, really?" " Yeah." "No, you don't." "Yes, I do." "You know this is the last time we have here'?" "What do you mean?" "Well, cos it's the play this weekend and then us year elevens go on holiday next week." "What, so we can't come here anymore?" " No more rehearsals." " That was the whole point." "I really have to go." "Your loss." " Hi." " Hey." "You have to get back?" "I could stay forever." "No." "I mean, I can't believe it at this point." "Lunch time hook-ups, pleasuring a beautiful woman." "Maybe I could pleasure you some time." "I'm taking all the pleasure." "But it is my pleasure." "Charmer." "You're just a lovely surprise, that's all." "Hi." "Hey." "I'll be out in a tick." "OK." "OK, look at this." "So, whenever I meet another person with a transgender parent, uh... one of the things that we often talk about is the amazing gift of knowing that our parent has chosen to live an authentic life." "What do you think about that?" "You know, what is an authentic life?" "Is this an authentic life?" "Oh, cool!" "Your first testosterone shot!" " Yep, this morning." " Awesome." " About fucking time." " Champagne." "So the doctor said everything was fine, then?" "Well, I mean, obviously." "Yep." "I passed all the tests, so to speak." "It's really happening." "I'm on the T." " Here's to bigger clits." " Harry." "It's OK, sweetheart." "Nothing could spoil my mood tonight." "So..." "Fuck you." "Hey, Harry, can you drive me home tonight?" "You have dinner and you hang out and then you leave your house and go to your other house." "Yep." "This is ridiculous." "It's just fucking ridiculous." "What time are you supposed to leave Jane's..." "Fucking James's anyway?" "Ten." "We're already late." "It's OK." "I told Dad 12." "Things might start happening straight away." "Like what?" "Um, my muscle mass will increase and..." "Oh, my hair is gonna get coarser and grow more." "Even facial hair?" "Um, that'll probably take longer." "Just keep an eye out because I could even start going bald." " Is that good?" " What do you mean?" "Well, if you go bald, it'll mean it's working, right?" "I mean, only men go bald, so if you go bald, is that gonna make you happy?" "If I start seeing that, should I mention it'?" "I mean, do you want me to only mention the good things or..." "Um, how about, if you see it, you just let me know, OK'?" "Uh, this is my voice on testosterone." "Um..." "One week." "Hey, I got some pictures of some guys off the net too, and these are guys that, like me, were born biologically female, but they've taken testosterone so..." "What, is that all from just taking testosterone?" "Yep." "My gosh" "You wouldn't even know." "No." "It's good, huh?" "It's this one here." "OK, now start walking forward." "Harry." "Harry, can I just open my eyes?" "No." "OK, now open your eyes." "Oh, my God." "Don't burn the place down and don't go on the roof." "OK?" "What the fuck is this, anyway?" "Boozing with buds or something?" "No." "Well, what, then?" "You're having an E party?" "You're doing crack." "Do you want me to get you anything?" "I don't need anything." "What is this?" "It's just friends from school and we just need somewhere to hang out." "Huh." "You want me to drop you off each Tuesday?" "Yeah?" "Yes." "Please." "That'd be good." "It'll be our little secret." "Do you notice anything?" "Mm..." "I don't knovW ls..." "Is it meant to have changed in a week?" "I don't know." " Here?" " Yep." "Yeah, just in front of the camera." "OK." "And you can sit down in it." "Josh, come too." "No, Josh can go after." "Just you first." "What are you going to ask me?" "Are you guys together, like boyfriend and girlfriend?" "Mm, no." "It's quite intoxicating, really." "So are you a man new" "I'm nearly a man." "It wasn't that stupid, you know, the idea of rose petals on a bed, listening to Barry White." "It wasn't that." "Was it good?" "Yeah." "No." "No, no, it wasn't, actually." "That one." "What noise do you make?" "Good quality clothes." "I've got a beard." "I walk with, you know, intent." "You're a man." "It's like, you're smooth, man." "OK, have you ever gone down on a girl?" " Yeah." " What did it taste like?" " Tangy." " Good?" " Tangy." " Bad." " Tangy." "Just..." "Do you like that I'm filming you?" "I don't mind it." "What do you think this is?" "I think this is..." "I think this is interesting." "The thing is, I see myself every day so I'm not sure if I'll notice." "ls your voice a bit deeper?" "I've started shaving." " Your face?" " Yeah." "Shaving it to make the hairs grow thicker." "Oh." "Is it working?" "Well, I mean, I can only feel like nudey-bum, but..." "Ding-ding." "Time." "Hey, hang on." " See ya." " See ya." "Are you more like your mum or your dad?" "I don't know my dad, so..." "And I never want to be my mum." "OK, Jas, take your top off." "Lips." "Don't hover." "You can kiss them." "Ah, don't lick them." "But you can bite, like a nibble." "Breasts." "You can't tweak orjiggle them, or suck on them." "But you can cup them." "And you can cum on them." "Now Pm going to have to start again." "Huh'?" "I show that to my kid, remember?" "We met your brother." "Yeah, I know." "He fives with me." "But you haven't told your daughter about me?" "No." "Well, now's a good time to introduce me." " Hi, Billie." "My name's Lisa." " Oh, fuck!" "Pm fucking..." "fucking your mother!" "You um tanned 'Ms week." "What, you can't see that?" "No." "But you look older." "Josh, what does it feel like to be inside a girl?" " Do you hear something?" " Answer the question." "There it is again." "I swear I heard something." " Ha-ha." " Like a high-pitched squeal?" " Like a slug being baked." " Fuck you, then." "Maybe if the slug came a little closer, we'd be able to hear it." "What does it feel like?" "I don't know." "Like a warm loaf of bread." "Wake up." "Merry Christmas, my beautiful pumpkin." "Merry Christmas." "How was it'?" " We didn't go." "We stayed home." "My folks are not pleased about their new 38-year-old son." "No, they are not." "Lose a daughter, gain a son." "It's like James got married to himself." "Your mum should never have said anything to them, though, that's the thing." "I mean, he just looks like a dyke at the moment anyway, and it took them long enough to accept that." "The fuckers." "Hey." "Hey, you got to wake up." "You stink of smoke." "I think I smell like pussy." "Billie..." "Billie, you've got to wake up." "Billie..." "I'm not so sure I can take you tonight." "Billie, because, um... lam... lam very high..." "and I will continue to be so." "Billie." "I'll tell James about your secret." "OK." "OK, OK, OK." "OK, I'm up." "I'm up, I'm awake." " What?" " Um..." "So, I've played in every position, right?" "I've batted, I bowled, I fielded," "I batted for the other team." "I always knew what I wanted." "Not like your mum, you know, and..." "And, Billie, that's the thing." "I've got to tell you something that's really important." "What?" "Don't be like your mum." "Because you... because you look up to her so much." "And you can't be like your mum." " Like a man?" " Oh, no." "Jesus, you're retarded sometimes." "I mean... unless you want to be." "I don't know." "How would I knomr'?" "Just don't take so fucking long to find out." "You don't have to wait for inspiration." "You're not fucking Rembrandt." "You take your clothes off and you roll around in the paint." "Promise." "OK, OK, OK." "OK, OK, yes." "Now, Harry, you just..." "just go and let me sleep." "OK." "Hey, chef man!" "Happy Christmas, motherfucker!" " Hey, kiddo." " Hey." " Ready to go?" " Yep." " See ya." " See ya." "Merry Christmas, Billie." "Merry Christmas, Mum." " See ya." " See ya, babe." "Dinner parties and Christmas crackers... ♪ Stupid family Christmas time..." "Christmas sucks balls." "So, I can bite them, but I can't lick them?" "And I can't hover over them?" "That's what I said." "Look, I'm sorry, OK?" "Why?" "It's not your fault." "Well, then what?" "You're so grumpy today." "It's just a testosterone thing." "What?" "Being fucking grumpy?" "No." "There are just complications." "Like what?" "Like..." "like this." "Like this." "That's what." "Hey." "Hurry up with your secret ladies' business." "I'm waiting on some test results so we just have to wait and see." "What's wrong?" "Jesus, good morning to you, too." "Well, you never call, and you knew I'd be sleeping..." "So, what's up?" "James?" "I've had to stop testosterone." "It's got something to do with over-production of liver enzymes." "Well, you saw me." "So, are you gonna stop the treatments for good?" "It's..." "Apparently it's fucking rare, but thereK/e been other cases." "If I'd stayed on T, I would've died." "I'm so sorry, J." "I don't know how to tell Billie." "Jesus." "Do you know, that was my first thought." "How the fuck am I gonna tell her'?" "She's gonna want to move back in with you." "You know that, right'?" "I can't..." "I can't do it yet." "Please." "I just need time to think." "Tom?" "I await your decision." "You should go to another doctor." "You can't just trust one doctor." "There has to be other ways." "Right?" "No." "I don't know." "So, what novW" "Look, I know this has been hard." "For all of us." "L..." "I still need time to work it out." "I think we should stick to..." "Well, I'd like stick to our Tuesdays." "I was always praised for my sophistication, my maturity, my ability to adapt." "But it was never true." "You just have no choice, do you?" "Hey" "Do you want me to make dinner tonight?" "It's time to get up!" "Get up!" "Get out of bed!" "Hula-hoop time!" "Hula-hoop crime!" "Hula-hoop time..." ", HEY- . H8'!" "" "ls everything OK?" "Yeah." "Mum?" "Mum?" "What the fuck, Mum?" "Where were you?" "Let's go, Bill." "School." "Beautiful day." "Yeah." "Well?" "OK, watch this." "We are currently on our mission down to the Pine Island Glacier in West Antarctica." "When looking out of the window of the aircraft, we notice a fairly large crack in the ice shelf." "These things happen on a semi-regular basis in both the Arctic and the Antarctic, but it's still a fairly large event." "So we wanted to make sure we capture as much of that process as we could." "So much stuff happens in a year." "You know, the earth..." "And there was..." "There was civil wars in Syria and Libya, and..." "And in Antarctica, a glacier the size of New York split off." "Or maybe it didn't split off Fuck." "I can't remember whose party it was, but we were against the door, cos there was no look, and he pulled my pants down straight away." "Can I do it?" "No." " Like that?" " A little rougher." "Like you want to show me how much you want me." "Come on, guys." "When can I have a go?" "Josh, just wait a sec." "Maybe cos it was Valentine's Day and his girlfriend was in the other room." "He wanted to do it pretty quickly." "Sol let him, you know, put it in me straight away." "Here... grab my leg." "Just put your fingers here." "Come on, guys." "I'm dying over here." "Is that right?" "He kept on turning his head away from me." "I forced it back and got him to kiss me." "OK, let's go." "No, hang on, I'll do this." "OK, and go." " You have to do it rough." " OK." "OK." "Jas, you weren't wearing jeans." " Not easy." " OK." " OK." " Right, hold my leg." " OK, come here." "Billie, what do you think?" "Uh..." "Come on, what do you like?" "Uh, I..." "I don't know." "Come on, Billie." "Dude, we told you everything." "You gotta give us something." "Um..." "So does this mean you're still transitioning?" "Yeah, of course." "I just don't remember you telling me." "Don't worry." "It'll happen." "Somehow." "This'll get bigger." "Is Harry here?" "He's never here." "I hit the soap dish with my arse and broke the soap dish and fell into the bath, but when I landed I also passed out, but not because I hit my head, but because I thought I'd cut my arse." "And then just ride naked?" "Yeah." "Yeah, absolutely." "Or dressed like a sperm." "Are you two brother and sister?" "She's my niece." "You look like you could be her brother." "She might as well be my sister." "I mean, I take care of her like she's my sister." "Make sure my little Billie doesn't get hurt." "You taking care of my Bill?" "Are you using protection?" "You're not..." "You're not using your mum's strap-on, are you?" "If you are, I really hope you're washing that filthy fucking thing." "It's unsanitary." "No..." "No strap-ens here." "Is your mum a lesbian or something?" "Why are you here, Harry?" "So, you just hang out here, right?" "You shoot the shit and talk about your... your stuff?" "What would you do if you didn't have this glorious place I gave you, hey?" "Where would you go?" "I suppose you could go to your mum's, Billie, couldn't you?" "James is always at work at this time so he wouldn't know a thing." "Who's James?" "OK." "...because I've already been seeing the psychiatrist." "So basically due to the changes in the international standards of care," "I think I can get chest reconstruction surgery without being on hormones." "So what I wanted to ask was do you want to come?" "To the surgery?" "To the psychiatrist." "For approval in a couple of weeks." "Somewhere you'd rather be?" "Yeah, sure, Mum." "Book me in." " Awesome, right?" " Yes." "This is so weird." " What?" " Harry, it's Tom." " Chef man." " Is Billie there?" "She's not answering any of my calls." "Go fish." "She's not here, Pastry Pete." " Where are they?" " Don't know." "H!" "call Jane then." "Um, bad idea." "Why?" "Look, /need to talk to Billie, man." "I came off my scooter." "Shit, dude." "Are you alright?" "Cheers, mate." "Yeah, no, I'm good." "I'm alright, I was just son of showing off at a friend's place and came off and scraped up my left side." "But I need lo talk lo Billie cos I don't know if I'm gonna be home." "So I'll just call Jane, eh?" "Not a good idea." "You keep saying that." "Well, she's gonna be back here anyway, so I can just tell her then." "Or I could just call Jane novW" "No, don't." "Dude, what the fuck's going on?" "Oh, fuck." "Alright, here's the deal..." "Billie." "Sit down, mate." "Why didn't you answer any of my calls?" "Listen, Harry convinced me not to call your mother looking for you." "But he had to tell me why, though." "I don't understand why you thought you had to lie to me about hanging out with your mates." "Alright, we'll duke it out, you and me." "I'm not gonna tell your mother." "Good." "I don't want him to know." "No, you're gonna tell her." "It's him." "Fucking whatever, Bill." "This is something you're gonna son out yourself, yeah?" "I just don't really wear dresses like this at the moment." "Well, it's your birthday." "OK, well, can you just get out so I can try something else on'?" "OK." "I've been thinking it might be good for me to start seeing people." " Actually, I've..." " Do you need a hand?" "No, thank you." "There's this woman at work that's kind of shown interest." "What, you're seeing someone?" " No, that's not what I was saying." "How about trying this one on'?" " Can you just give us a minute?" " Sure." "Look, I don't like any of these." "Can we just go?" "Did you want to try somewhere else?" "No, just take me home." "When vve were here, this place..." "Things made sense, secret and separate." "No family." "It was precious, that stuff." "You know, it was mine." "Tell your mum, Bill." "Just start talking." "Where's the mother?" "She's around." "Not enough to be in a photo with her kids, though." "No, no, she's around." "I'm glad to see you back here." "We've spoken on the phone a few times, but your mum's not been here for a while." "And you, Billie, I haven't seen you here for... ages." "Seven months." "Yeah, it's been seven months." "OK." "How is everything, then'?" "Yeah, despite the hiccup, things are pretty good." "And the two of you'?" "How has your time been together'?" "Yeah, it's been good." "Yeah, time togethefis been good." "Outside of that?" "I've been lying to mum each week about going to Tom's at ten." "So, that's good." "You know, actually, Pvejust been going out with friends." "You know, fucking around without anybody knowing where I am." "So, you know, that's..." "that's really good." "And Mum hasn't known about any of this until until just now, so..." "So that's really fucking good, isn't it?" "And James here has been seeing someone," "I think someone from work, but I don't know anything about that so you're gonna have to ask him if that's been good because because I have absolutely no fucking idea." "I mean, maybe you could tell me?" " I'm busy, guys." " Unbelievable." "I mean, in front of the psychiatrist." "Billie could've really fucked things up for me today." "I'm sure he deals with fucked-up families all the time." "We gotta do this shit now, guys?" "It's busy, yeah?" "Yeah, we have to do it now." "It needs to be sorted out." "It's between you and Billie, man." "No, it's not." "This has been really badly managed." "And she's been lying to you, too, you knovW" "I mean, why the fuck do you think" "I would let her stay out till 12 on a school night?" "And have you bothered to ask her what she's been doing?" "Cos she won't bloody tell me." "I mean, are you even remotely worried?" "I mean, this is our daughter we're talking about." "Every Tuesday she's your daughter, I agree, yes." "But not at any other time." "You no longer decide what happens to Billie after the clock strikes ten." "She's my responsibility then." "Oh, well, great job." "Hey, this was your fucking idea, remember?" "You need to fucking deal with it." "For some reason I can only guess at, you've chosen to be her mother for a mere six hours out of every week." "That's 24 hours in a month." "A day." "So in the last six months, you've chosen to be her mother for, what, six days?" "Six days." "Is that about right?" "You got no say, man." "ls everything alright?" "I don't mind it rough, don't get me wrong." "No, don't..." "I'm bleeding." "I just hate it." "It's fucking painful." "For me too." "For lots of women." "I used to think it was, you know, hormones." " I didn't get it." " Get what?" "That I hated it because I couldn't escape that I was a woman." "I mean, this body is still here." "I didn't realize you were getting periods again." "Billie thinks I've been seeing you for months, you knovW" "Thinks that I've been lying about not seeing anyone." "She's a smart cookie." "Tom and I split when Billie was one." "We moved houses, but kept sharing them, trying for some strange version of a family, I guess." "Until it was clear I was totally into women." "In front of Billie, he said he hated me for being so slow to realize who I was." "And when he finally moved out, demanded we share Billie." "And then my kid brother Harry moved in." "Messy." "It was just so much change for such a little kid." "Awesome, right?" "I mean, there I was, hey, Pm a lesbian, ifs all cool." "But there was something else." "One night, it was so simple." "ldressed up." "I just decided to do it." "In what?" "I put on men's clothes, drew a beard, and there I was." "In the mirror I finally recognized myself, and..." "".5 was a beautiful man." "I wish I had a photo of that." "No, you don't." "It was so liberating, but I was really scared, like. .." "Pd screwed Billie and Tom around so much by then." "So, I made a decision that I'd just shelve it." "I mean, I couldn't do anything simple to change it anyway, so it wasn't important." "Billie was important." "Then ten years later, it came screaming out at me." "If you can't work out how to live with yourself, you might as well not be here." "Do you wish you were born a man?" "I mean, what would have happened if I kept putting it off'?" "The kindest, most loving kid in the world." "I didn't want to resent her." "I just needed some time." "Do you wish you were born a man?" "Yes." "But then you wouldn't have had Billie." "No." "I'm sick of tiptoeing, but I just..." "I just don't want to do this anymore." "Well..." "how about you move back in'?" "No." "Hey, it's Billie." "Uh, leave me a message." " OK, bye." "Hey, ifs Mum." "Um, ifs after five now, so I'm just wondering if you're coming." "I haven't heard anything back from you, so, um..." "Well, H!" "be at home, so give me a call." "on!" "Hey, it's Billie." "Uh, leave me a message." " OK, bye." "Hiya." "Um..." "I think we should at least talk." "I'm not sure if you're even listening to these messages, and I'm not helping, at all." "Um, just..." "Can we at least just talk?" " Sorry I'm late." "We're busy." " Thanks for coming." " Take a seat." " OK." "I was just saying that, apart from a couple of truancy incidences last year, we haven't had any trouble with Billie before." "So, in our view, this incident is out of character." "Yeah, well, you know, we're just as surprised as you are." "Yes, it's really come out of the blue for us as well, so that's why we're all here." "Well, we're here to help." "So, what exactly happened?" "Well, Billie texted another girl in a different year," "Jasmin Miller, during class time." "And Jasmin's teacher happened to notice and so he confiscated the phone." "And he noticed that the message was a photograph of Billie in a state of nakedness." "Really?" "And trust me, this is serious." "I want to make it very clear that if you're a minor, a naked photograph of yourself can be regarded as child pornography." "You know, normally I'd bring the police into this straight away, but I'm not going to in this case." "I really want to just bring it to your attention." "Because a family like yours, in a unique situation..." "I wanted to make sure you understood the consequences." "Unique situation?" "Well, I think you have a more complicated view of life," " a family like yours." " What?" "Separated?" "Look, I think Billie has really good perspective, if that's what you mean." "And I think we've equipped our daughter with a better understanding of things than most other parents might." "Yeah, but I think it might have been a confusing time for Billie lately." "I'm not going through her stuff." "You can watch for hours if you want." "She won't move." "She really doesn't do much else, but especially on a Tuesday." "It's her favorite TV night." "Packed to the Rafters and NCIS." "Now The Voice is on." "She likes to watch that." "Does she live here by herself?" "She has two kids." "A girl and a boy." "And if they're all home together, they'll watch The Voice." "She hates outside." "She doesn't really go out much." "Wouldn't Child Services know about this?" "They cover for her." "They make excuses if anyone asks for her." "They can't afford to get in trouble at school because the school always calls the parents." "And she won't come." "She can't." " You have a brother?" " Younger." "Now, what's so shit about your life you haven't told us'?" "What's so shit about yours?" "You get to do whatever you want." "Oh, my God." "You don't get it." "My mum's sick." "I'm sick of being your play-thing." "Fuck off." "Hey. ifs 5:30 in the morning." "Um, I'm still jetlagged, so it could be the crazy old yelling man out here." "Oh, can you see him'?" "Anyway..." "San Fran's pretty amazing." "Um..." "I met some interesting trans guys already, and, um..." "Yeah." "I hope you're watching these, and H!" "talk to you soon, hopefully." "I have identified as a trans guy for many years." "I identify as gender queer." "Fuck if I know what a man is." "For me, it's a thing that I believed about myself from before conscious memory." "I didn't know that I was trans until I was about 26." "As a child too, I had a twin sister, so it was really easy for me to understand what it looked like to be comfortable as female, and I was not that." "You know my questions, being, OK, now that I can't take T, how do I kind of be the man that I've seen in my head for me to be?" "That I've taken this year off to do?" "Me, I've been on for 18 years and, you know," "I don't think that it's necessary for gender identity." "Um..." "I'm not on T, but I just had top surgery." "I'm on like day 16 after top surgery and it's really fulfilling." "I'm married to a woman and have a seven-year-old kid, and I transitioned before he was born, so he's always known me as his dad." "But I've still had to come out to him and help him know that I'm a different kind of dad." "It took me a really long time to feel comfortable accepting myself as a man." "And still sometimes after 11 years," "I have moments where I'm just like, it's so crazy." "And not like I feel like a woman, but it just feels like, um..." "I don't know, I feel nervous or scared about claiming that identity." "My dad became a woman about 14 years ago when I was 17, and it really transformed our relationship." "Initially, when my dad came out," "I said, "Oh, I Jove you no matter what. "" ""Th/SW be fine."" "Then like a month or so later," "I realized that I was, like, sad about something." "I lived with my mom, and so itoid her, like, "I feel a little weird about something."" "She was like, "Do you think it's because your dad came out to you as transgender?"" "Cheers." "So, you want me to get this camera off Harry'?" " Yeah." " Because..." "Because he stole it from me and won't give it back." "Well, what's on there?" "Nothing's on there." "I just need it for a school project." "So, why did he steal it'?" "I don't know." "He was worried it had shit of his own on there, that it would incriminate him or something." "I don't know." "Can you get it or not?" "Tom still letting you hang around with those friends of yours?" "Dad lets me be an adult." "I am able to make my own decisions, you know." "Well, sending a naked photo of yourself to a relative stranger doesn't seem like the best decision to me." "Can you just give it a rest?" "OK." "Why don't you come to mine and we can talk together?" "And how is it any different from you sending over videos of your gay adventures in San Francisco?" "It's different." "You're a child, for one thing." "But in a year, all of a sudden, I just won't be?" "A year is a long time, especially at your age." "I knew this was a bad idea." "You can't even get my friggin' camera back." "Where are you going?" "Just sit down." "Let's not do this." "...with this special robot that we can remote control." " It was really funny." " That's really cheeky." "Right, I'm going to take James' car." "I'll be able to pick him up when he gets released." "I'll bring him home." "But after that, we've all got to pitch in." " Who's the emergency contact?" " No one's gonna die." "There's the risk of death in every surgery, alright?" "Now, how do we find out who the emergency contact is?" "Just promise me you'll be home when he gets out." "Yeah, yeah, look, I'll be there, OK?" "Sponge in hand." "But I'm not riding your scooter." "I hate that thing." " What's wrong with your car?" " It's dead." "Died." "Anyway, if I'm gonna be the emergency contact," "I should take the car." "Just take the damn bike, mate." " I'm gonna find out" " Dad, can we go new" "Just a sec, honey, OK?" "Excuse me." "You've hardly said a word." "Please don't ask me to." "Look, I can't." "Like, I just..." "I really can't do it." "OK." "You know she's gonna be out of action for a while, alright?" "I can't be the only one holding this family together." "Why am I the only one that James can rely on here?" "Trust me, you're not holding anything together." "Give me the goddamn scooter key." "I'm the emergency contact?" "Nope." "Lisa." "Would you put that out?" "You're disgusting." "That's no way to speak to your nurse." "I do have other stuff I normally do, you know." "Will you put it out?" "Make me." "it's probably seeping into my wounds, poisoning me." "It's right here so you can just reach out and grab it." "You really are horrible." "Come on." "This is so boring." "I need a break." "Where's your girlfriend?" "Busy." "Busy?" "Trouble in paradise?" "Shouldn't Billie be here?" "What time is she getting here on this particularly special Tuesday?" "Light breeze." "What?" "How come you're not at your man's'?" "I thought I was grounded." "Not to help your debilitated mother, you're not." " James doesn't need me." " I know." "I'm sure he's doing just fine over there with Harry." "There are others." "Plenty of others." "And don't you try and trick me again, picking me up after school and taking me there." "Hijacking me or something." "Scooter chef man." "Are you high?" " Jesus, Billie." "Come on." "QR" "Look, I'm just doing what he's always wanted." "You know, I'm staying away." "Don't test my patience on this, Bill." "Do you really wanna do this?" "What are you gonna do, Pops?" "Double-ground me?" "Yeah, well, she should be here." "You guys have got a responsibility to each other." "What, like you with Frida?" "What do you mean?" "We get along great." "Yeah, because you only see her once a month." "Yeah, and we still get along great." "Because you get to come and go as you like and she treats it like she should be grateful that you've graced her with your presence." "I need a cigarette, OK?" "Just sort your shit out with Billie, and save us all a lot of trouble." "Great." "Oh, Harry." "It wasn't me." "Must be the fuse again." "Very funny." "Ha-ha." "Oh, pipe down, sport." "Oh, no, just making sure." "Great." "Yep." "Ne." "Three (Mocks gram." "Before I come in, did you know I go by the name James these days'?" "Yeah." "I shouldn't be surprised." "Word gets out." "OK, I'll see you then." "Cheers." "How are you'?" "OK." "Billie." "No of fence, but your dad is a scary dude." "I don't want to cross him." "Who cares?" "I don't have to do what he says." "Yeah." " Have you heard from Jas?" " Oh, yeah..." "She's not answering my phone calls." "Yeah." "I think she's blocked you." "If I gave you a message, would you pass it on?" "You know, something to apologize or something?" "Look..." "I don't know." "You said you needed it tonight." "Yes." "How many of these are there'?" "Just that one." "Well, I can see why Harry took it off you." "He wasn't protecting me." "This is something." "Why record this?" "Why record your transition?" "Or your trip to America?" "To be able to go back." "To see things I couldn't see at the time." "The small changes." "To show you." "You look exactly the same." "Do I?" "This whole year was about becoming a man." "I know." "You said you'd take testosterone." "You said you'd get a male chest." "Well, I got surgery and it feels great, but without testosterone, it's gonna take a while." "I agreed to this because I thought you were going to become a man." "I was." "I am." "So, when the fuck do you change?" "It's not just about the physical." " It never ends." " No, it doesn't." "This is why I still need to sort some stuff out." "Where have I heard that before?" "Do you need another year?" "What could you possibly have to son out?" "You." "I need to son things out with you." "Can I just have it back?" "You want this for school, right?" "This an project?" "Does it matter?" "It's dangerous." "Look, it's not what you think." "It doesn't matter what I think." "You shouldn't have what's on there." "You know what I should do?" "I should burn this." "I should go through everything you own and burn it all." "If you do anything to that tape, I will walk out that door and happily not speak to you ever again." "If this gets out..." "Please." " Don't you dare." " I'm sorry." "When we were here..." "This place..." "Things made sense." "This is my mum." "This is what his back looks like." "There are so many things that I should have said before now." "You know, that I should've told you about, but..." "I felt stuck or something and I didn't feel like I could talk." "Fuck." "It is a really big thing to keep from your daughter." "And then Tuesdays became our special time." "AH this stuff happened." "You know, important stuff." "It happens all the time." "Jasmin?" "There's food left if you want it." "Earth's population reached seven billion." "And then, you know, in Antarctica, a glacier the size of New York split off." "Or it nearly split off." "You know, there was all that Arab Spring stuff." "And Occupy Wall Street, and, I don't know, everything in Egypt." "I mean, you became a year 12," "Josh grew three different beards, and... my mum became a man." "Al!" "this stuff happened." "You know, important stuff." "And it happens all the time." "And how do you... how do you know what bits realty matter?" "Back at the start, I didn't know how to be." "You know, how supportive, how angry, how worried." "And you..." "You just seemed so clear." "I mean, you both did." "You know, clear about what you liked and what you felt." "I wasn't." "And sex still didn't make sense, but it did feel great and weird, and at least I didn't feel like the Billie that James was trying to get away from." "lfelt like myself." "Look, I just..." "I didn't want to talk about my mum, and how it'd be easier for him if I wasn't around, or probably even better for him if I didn't even exist." "I wanted to know about you..." "and Josh." "...clear about what you liked and what you felt." "This section here, it's really obvious that they're having sex." "it's incredibly graphic." "And how much other footage is out there'?" "This is supposed to be a school project." " What is going on?" " I agree that this the Billie that James was trying to get away from." "lfelt like myself." "You need to get rid of it." "If this got out online..." " Why would it get online?" " You're having sex on camera." "It wasn't meant for anyone else." "I can't believe you'd do this." "But you do understand why you need to get rid of it'?" "No." "You know we can take this to the police." "But that'll get them all in trouble." "Billie was under the age of consent." " Are you blackmailing us?" " Not at all." "I'm saying that bringing the police in is going to ruin all their lives, so we need to convince Billie to destroy the footage herself." "Even if she agrees to it, how can we take her word for it'?" "Look, guys, I'll make sure she does it, alright?" "Maybe we can be there, so we can make sure." "But my point is that we can never be sure." "So, you're basically saying you can't trust me." "I am trying to explain the impossible position we're in." "Look..." "After this, you won't have to listen to me anymore," "I swear." "You won't even have to have me in your life if that's what you want." "But if you keep going like this, you're not gonna have much else." "You just had to give it to Jasmin." "How could you watch it'?" "Because I showed her." "What am I supposed to do with all this?" "I didn't know what to do, so I showed Mum." "And then she called us, eventually." "There are worse things in the world than having a mum that wants to be someone." "Trust me." "I wanted to hang out with you." "I liked the camera." "But now, I don't want anyone else to see this." " Hit it." "Hit it." "Hit it." "Hit it." "Again." "Hit it." "Hit it." "Hit it." "Keep going." "Hit it." "Hit it." "So, you got your fuck buddies back, then?" "I got rid of everything." "Kiddie porn free now, are we?" "Am I?" "You think that I've still got something?" "Frida!" "Just tell me." "Come on, why worry'?" "You're in the clear now." "No more games, Harry, please." "Later, when all this is over, right, wouldn't it be great to just have one tiny piece left, you knovW" "Fuck 'em." "No-one's gonna know." "Why are you doing this?" "Frida, will you stop that?" "!" " What do you want me to say?" " Say you don't have anything." "OK, well, how about anything I say you won't believe." "How about that?" "Yeah." "You're right." "That's why we need to go right now, so you can show me you don't have anything." "I can't, even if I wanted to." "I was lumped with Frida, and then I've got sound check, and then I've got the gig." "Go to the house yourself and check." "I don't care." " You know James will be there." " So?" " I'm not going on my own." " You're just gonna avoid him for the rest of your life now, are you?" "Why?" "You don't trust him?" "Do you?" "Well, you're gonna have to go and look for yourself, alright?" "I can't go over there." "I'm not going over there." " Dude, I gotta go to work." " Do you have to go?" "Fuck, yeah, I gotta go to work, Bill." "You know, they're dying over there without me." "I've wasted too much time on all this shit." "Sorry." "I'm tired, alright?" "Look, I'll go." "I'll go right after work." "In the meantime, don't wait up, kid." "Watch a movie, or read a book..." "Just take care of yourself, eh?" "Billie." "You came." "I wasn't sure." "on, God." "Of course I came." "It's Tuesday." "Can't stay here forever." "I'll keep it quick so I don't embarrass myself too much." "Or cry." "You watch your child grow older and know they've changed, but don't know how or what," "or exactly when it happened." "It's hard to pinpoint the when, isn't it?" "But you were actually pretty good at it." "Knowing the how or what or when." "Much better than t ever was." "So..." "I hope you're around a lot longer to keep me up to date." "Alright." "With the cheese, it kind of, like, counter-balances it." "Balances out, so it's like the creaminess and the broth base." "Sir, you're up." "Sir, you're up." "Cup of tea." "How was school?" "James visited earlier." "He looks good." "He's slow, you know, but he gets there." "He just put it off for so long." "Please don't tell me it was all for my benefit." "Come on, man." "You loved Jane." "Unconditionally." "You idolized her." "What mother would want to change that?" "He certainly didn't." "You know, most people do things with the best intentions, and sometimes it just doesn't work out." "Things happen, you make a stupid decision..." "You get lazy." "You crash your scooter." "That's life, Bill." "It Still hurts." "Sure." "You don't want what you had before knowing only a few pieces of someone." "James has shown you, Bill." "He's not hiding anything." "You have a chance to know who your mother really is." "And that's when you can choose to love him." "Or not." "You can make that choice every day, if you like." "But there's no other way." "OK." "I'm ready." "♪ I am dreaming, dear, of you" "♪ Day by day" "♪ Dreaming when the skies are blue" "♪ And when they're gray" "♪ Cos when the silvery moonlight gleams" "♪ Still I wander on in dreams," "♪ In a land of love, it seems" "♪ Just with you" "♪ Let me call you "Sweetheart"" "♪ I'm in love with you" "♪ Let me hear you whisper" "♪ That you love me too" "♪ Keep the love-light glowing" "♪ In your eyes so true" "♪ And let me ca" you "Sweetheart," babe" "♪ Cos I'm in love with you" "♪ Longing for you all the while" "♪ More and more" "♪ Longing for your sunny smile" "♪ I adore" "♪ Birds are singing far and near" "♪ Roses blooming everywhere" "♪ You, alone My heart can cheer" "♪ You, just you" "♪ Let me call you "Sweetheart"" "♪ I'm in love with you" "♪ Let me hear you whisper" "♪ That you love me too" "♪ And keep the love-light glowing" "♪ In your eyes so true" "♪ And let me ca" you "Sweetheart," babe" "♪ Cos I'm in love with you"