"It was unbelievable." "The Dallas Police arrested Lee Harvey Oswald." "In the solemn moment that marks the continuity of the President's office..." "Jet pilots wear them!" "Skydivers wear them!" "NEWS ANCHOR 3:has joined in non-violent protest of the widespread discrimination throughout the country..." "How does a train go?" "Miss America contest." "From 54 lovely hopefuls down to 10..." "Train track!" "Terrific!" "The Army-Navy Game!" "Grassy setting for..." "You can both have the glasses." "They come in Duz!" " In Duz?" " In Duz?" "Gerry and the Pacemakers!" "Spring-powered Big Shot comes complete with three rubber-tip missiles, capped..." "At home, protests against the war persisted." "A growing voice, however, called the demonstrations "treachery"." "As the year began, a quarter million Americans..." ""Joan looked at the generals, and said," ""My business is not with you." ""You have not craved a council of war.'" ""Then she turned toward the King's privy council and continued." ""No, it is with you." ""A council of war!" ""It is amazing." ""Councils of war have no value," ""but to decide between two or several doubtful courses." ""But a council of war when there is only one course?" '." "Big G had a head of flaming red..." "No, make that orange hair." "The "G" stood for "ginger", a derogatory term for redheads." "Big G was easily a foot taller than anyone else in the school." "Even so, his head was still too big for his body and his ears too big for his head." "One might think, in order to compensate," "Big G might have been blessed with a handsome face." "After all, Clark Gable had big ears." "Lucille Ball had orange hair, yet, for them, there was compensation." "Not so for Big G." ""...the march upon Paris!"" "Did I say children were cruel?" "Apparently even God has his moments." ""Indeed?" ""And will your Excellency be good enough to utter them?" "'" ""Cowardice and treachery, '" ""said Joan scornfully."" "And that's where well finish today." "Okay, so the last few minutes of class," "I want to talk to you about your final project." "You'll be working in teams of two." "So, to make it fair, and so that each of you won't just be picking a friend to work with," "I have decided to pair you up myself." "Each team will receive one grade, so you must work together and discover each other's strengths and capitalise on them." "All right?" "Here we go." "Miss Tyler will be working with Mr Wiley." "Miss Archer will be working with Mr Valero." "Miss Katzman will be working with Miss Franz." "Mr Nichol will be working with Mr Minor." "All right, class, I would like to have it absolutely quiet!" "Please!" "There's no reason for that kind of behaviour." "All right, III put this list up on the board, so the rest of you can see who you're teamed with." "The assignment will be due at the end of the semester." "And I will see you tomorrow." "Thank you." "Good luck!" "Mr Nichol?" "I want you to know I paired you with Stanley for a reason." "You're very fortunate, so please don't disappoint me." "Andrew?" "Your thoughts?" "Well, Mr Simon," "I just don't think I'm the right partner for Big..." "Uh, I mean, Stanley." "And why is that?" "Well, he's a lot smarter than I am, and I'm not a very good writer." "I could screw him up." "Well, I beg to differ with you, Andrew." "I find your writing fascinating." "You're a keen observer with a colourful perspective." "In fact, underneath the poor grammar and the atrocious spelling," "I believe there lies the heart and soul of a great writer." " Really?" " Really." "Do you enjoy writing?" "Sort of." "Sometimes." "The making-up-the-story part, at least." "Well, if you enjoy something and you're good at it, then first you must define yourself as what you want to be." "Uh, I don't..." "Repeat after me." ""I am a writer." "That's what I am."" "I am a writer." "That's what I am?" "Let's try that again." "Stand up straight." "Shoulders back." "Deep breath." "I am a writer." "That's what I am." "I am a writer." "That's what I am!" "Excellent!" "Now go, Andrew." "And write!" "Yes, sir." "Can you believe it?" "Like it was just one of those..." "Despite all that was so painful and humiliating in his life," "Big G seemed to command respect." "No matter what, he maintained a certain nobility about him, at least in the eyes of those few sensitive enough to look." "Unfortunately," "I was not one of those few." "Freak looks like he wet his pants." "Oh, my God!" "Everybody!" "Big G wet his pants!" "I want a sandwich!" "Sam, look at me!" "If I ask my mom for an extra sandwich, she's gonna know something's up." "She gives me two as it is." "Sandwich and candy bar." "Candy bar?" "Candy bar!" "Are you nuts?" "My mom won't give me a candy bar, no matter how many times you beat me up." "Hello!" "My dad's a dentist, remember?" "Why don't you just cut off my arm and snack on that, Sam?" "Go ahead!" "Cut it off!" "What are you doing?" "Please!" "Sam, easy!" "You've got to work with me here!" "This is counter-productive!" "III do your homework!" "Hinkle does my homework." "I'll take cash." "Okay!" "Okay!" "Cash is not a problem!" "Cash will work." "There you go." "Hey, Nichol." "Hey, Sam." "I can't believe you paid him money." "Oh, really?" "What part didn't you believe?" "The part where I handed him the money, or the part where he had my underwear around my neck?" "Sam's all bluff." "I mean, he's not actually gonna hurt you." "Not like Ricky Brown." "Is that right?" "So, I guess you were sick that day Sam shoved my head into a toilet and broke my tooth." "Wait!" "Norman, hold on." "Do you know where Big G is?" "Why?" "A little low on cooties?" "Or did you just want to see if he really did wet his pants?" "We're partners on a project for Mr Simon's fourth period English." "We've got to work together." "Bet your friends got a real big kick out of that." "Shut up!" "You don't even know how lucky you are, Nichol." "Stanley's the smartest kid in the school, next to me." "Do you know where he is or not?" "He's down in the Corner, waiting for his crotch to dry." "Hey, Nichol!" "Stanley's my best friend." "He's not like anyone else." "Don't..." "Never mind." "Geek Corner." "No Man's Land." "The Grand Canyon of Cooties." "It was referred to by many names." "One step into this dreaded ground and there would be no going back." "Big G!" "When do you want to work on the report?" "I don't have much time." "I go home right after school." "I have stuff I have to do." "We've got to get it done somehow." "I know you don't want to work on the report with me." "It's okay." "I can do the work and you can turn it in." "Your friends don't have to know." "I have a strong feeling Mr Simon would know." "We have to do it together." "My father was a good man." "He just wasn't very user-friendly." "He worked in computers and everything had to be done a certain way." "He was very good at computers, but then again, computers came with a handbook." "Yo!" "Hey!" "Andy!" "Shut it off!" "Shut it off!" "Shut it off!" "Come here." "A little quicker, please?" "I don't have all day." "Come here." "Come here." "Look at this." "Look at this." "You telling me you can't see this?" "I was going to go back over it." "You know what you are?" "Andy, you know what you are?" "You're a jughead." "You know what a jughead is?" "Someone who's really stupid?" "No, buddy." "You're not stupid." "A jughead is someone who just doesn't pay attention." " Okay." " Now you could concentrate, you could do it right the first time, then you don't have to go over it again." "Does that make sense to you?" " Yeah." "But I was gonna..." " No, no!" "There's no "but"." "It either makes sense or it doesn't make sense." "There's no "buts" about it." "You watch me." "I'll mow the lawn." "I'll show you what a lawn's supposed to look like." "Unbelievable." "He won't study after school, he won't study in the library, and he works for his dad on the weekends." "The only place he'll study is in Geek Corner at lunch hour." ""Geek Corner"?" "Yeah." "That's where they hang out." "Who are "they" exactly?" "You know, Big G and his friends." "Norman Grunmeyer, Karen Connor, Stuart Hoffstetter." ""Geek Corner"?" "Yeah." "That's what they call it." ""They" again, Andy?" "Isn't that what you just called it?" "Yeah, but I didn't mean..." "I didn't..." "Did it ever occur to you that maybe Stanley studies there because that's the only place he feels comfortable?" "How would you feel if everywhere you went people made fun of you and played tricks on you?" "Ricky Brown makes fun of him every day." "Today he was squirting him with a water pistol, so it made him look like he wet his pants." "Ricky Brown is a very cruel boy." "Stanley has suffered his whole life." "Why would God do that, Mom?" "Make someone look like Big G, so that everyone makes fun of him?" "Maybe because God didn't see anything wrong with him in the first place." "And, Andy, his name is Stanley." "So, how are you going to get around the Big G thing?" "There is no way around it." "There's always a way." "Quit school." "Yeah?" "I could also kill myself." "Any other brilliant ideas?" "Could be worse, you know." "How is that?" "Ricky Brown could want to kick your butt, or something." "True." "Oh, hey." "Did you hear about Simon winning that car?" "What?" "No." "A car?" "Yeah." "There was a contest in the paper." "He had to write in 25 words or less how to save the world, or make peace, or whatever." "Simon won." "Cool." "Mr Simon's a genius." "What kind of car?" "Pontiac GTO." "Most bitchin' car ever made." "There she is." "Give it up, Nichol." "Hey, I can dream." "Mary Clear was a legend in her own time." "She had established herself as the pre-eminent make-out artist in the eighth grade class." "Everybody who was anybody had made out with Mary Clear." "Everybody, that is, except me." "If Mary Clear was the most attractive girl in the school, then Karen Connor, one could argue, was the homeliest." "And the homeliest girl always had it worse than her male counterpart." "It's like if the Elephant Man had an identical twin sister, somehow she would seem homelier." "Oh, God!" "Oh, my God!" "It's "Cootie" Connor!" ""Cootie" Connor!" "I'm gonna die!" "I'm gonna die!" "I'm gonna die!" "Oh, God!" ""Cootie" Connor!" "There was one, and only one, kid you would go to if you contracted the dreaded cooties." "And that kid was Myron Stort." "The Stort was the resident expert on all things concerning cooties." "Stort!" "Jason Freel needed The Stort in a very bad way." "Stort!" "You gotta help me, man!" "I just ran right into "Cootie" Connor in the hallway." "Full body contact!" "Keep your distance!" "All right, everybody else, out of here now, for your own protection." "Freel was like a leper crashing a hot tub party." "The only one who stood his ground was The Stort, knowing full well he was the only one that could save Freel now." "I need you, man!" "You gotta help me!" "Shut up, man!" "Shut up!" "This isn't going to be easy, man." "Here's what you've got to do." "You gotta touch her again..." "No, man." "No way!" "I won't!" "I can't!" "There's gotta be another way!" "Shut up, Freel!" "Shut up, you loser!" "There's only one way!" "You gotta touch her again and say the words," ""From this the cooties came, with this the cooties shall remain."" "Freel!" "I'm losing you, man!" "Stay focused!" "Okay, okay..." " "With this the cooties came..." - "From this," you idiot." ""From this the cooties came, with this the cooties shall remain."" "Okay, okay..." "From this." "From this..." "All right, I got it!" "Thanks, man!" "I owe you one!" "Hey, Freel, one last thing." "You've got to do it on her territory." "Geek Corner?" "Yeah." "Geek Corner." "Why don't you just give Ricky Brown your lunch?" "Or do his homework?" "Cut some kind of deal with him." "Because it's not right." "Right?" "What does that have to do with getting our asses kicked?" "Damn it, Stanley!" "Why do you have to make things so tough on yourself?" "You shouldn't swear, Norman." "Do you mind?" "I'd like to get going." "Oh, right." "Sorry." "Didn't want to keep you down here any longer than you have to be." "I mean, it's pretty courageous of you, risking terminal cooties and all." "What are your buddies gonna think?" "I got news for you, Normie." "Even if you weren't a complete geek, people would still beat the crap out of you!" "Stanley!" "Jason Freel's got Karen!" "From this the cooties came..." "Freel recited the absolving incantation as he whipped Karen with his jacket." "He could not bring himself to actually touch her, but then, who would know?" "He could always say he did." "With this they shall remain!" "With his feet dangling a foot off the ground," "Jason Freel found religion, and prayed to the Lord Big G." "Break his neck!" "No, no, wait!" "Let me get some of his friends to watch, then break his neck!" "No!" "No." "Are you completely insane?" "You had him!" "You could have broken him in two!" "I mean, you could have at least held him and I hit him with a brick or something." "Do you want to work some more on the project?" "Norman's right." "I don't get it." "Why do you let guys like Freel and Ricky always make fun of you all the time?" "I can't make them be nice people." "And even if I did, there'd be others to take their place." "If I had Big G's body, I'd have kicked Freel's ass!" "Then, I'd have kicked Ricky Brown's ass just to cool down." "You probably thought it was funny." "No." "I didn't." "Screw it." "So Freel beats me up?" "He was probably going to do that anyway." "I'm telling Mr Simon." "Karen?" "Karen, it's Mr Simon." "Karen, I'm coming in, honey." "Please go away, Mr Simon." "I'll be okay." "I'm going to open the door, sweetheart." "Please go away." "No, I'm going to open the door." "It's okay." "Here." "Give me your hand, sweetheart." "Come on." "Don't let them see you like this." "It's okay." "What happened to you?" "Who did this to you?" "The word had spread quickly that Mr Simon was extremely upset, and that it was quite possible" "Jason Freel would receive his final report card in federal prison." "Some of the cuts on Karen's arms and neck made by the zipper from Mr Freel's jacket are deeper than first thought, and she has been sent to the doctor's." "For anyone interested, this is how I won the car." "The newspaper contest to win the new car asked contestants to find a solution to world peace using 25 words or less." "Mr Simon won it with just four." "I really don't feel much like teaching today." "It's a rather strange feeling." "I suggest if you have a book, now would be a good time to read." "And if you don't, well..." "Well, you should always have a book with you." "Can I help you with something, bud?" "Sir, sorry." "I kind of missed your porch, and I was just gonna put it on..." "You know, it's funny, I've been watching you deliver your papers there, and you've got a he'll of an arm, by the way, kid." " Thank you." " But somehow, you just seem to hit everybody's porch but mine." "You got any theories on that?" "I don't know." "Maybe I'm just a little tired by the time I get here, or..." "Daddy, dinner's ready." "Even in eighth grade, there was a lot more woman in Mary Clear than any eighth-grade boy could possibly know what to do with." "And I'm convinced she knew it." "Maybe that was part of the fun." "Hi, Mary." "I just..." "I threw the paper, and your dad was just..." "Well, III just give it..." "Here." "You know..." "There you go." "I promise I won't miss next time, Mr Clear." " You got to pace yourself, bud." " Yeah." "Every Friday, I worked in the office during Study Hall." "I'd run off copies of flyers to parents announcing an open house, or reminders about the upcoming car wash to raise money for the library." "Generally, whatever annoying little job Mrs Cranby, the assistant principal, affectionately known as Old Tuna Breath, didn't feel like doing herself." "Andrew!" "Wait till you see the talent show programme I've designed." "I've never had so much fun in my life." "If you could just run off 600 copies, well be all set." "We certainly have an interesting turnout this year." "It looks really nice, Mrs Cranby." "Oh, Doris Gebben plays the upright bass?" "Isn't that the really huge one?" "She's, like, three feet tall." "Yes, indeed." "Tiny, but top notch." "I understand she's very good." "Wait." "Mrs Cranby, this can't be right." "What?" "Is something misspelled?" "Big G's gonna..." "Gonna sing?" "Yes!" "I don't get it!" "Your life isn't miserable enough as it is?" "So now you're going to get up in front of the whole student body and sing?" "I love to sing." "I've known you my whole life." "Never heard you sing." "Not once." "Since when do you love to sing?" "Ever since I can remember." "Look, maybe..." "I don't know." "Maybe Norman's right." "I have a right to sing in the talent show, just like anybody else." "Don't you ever watch cop shows?" "You have the right to remain silent?" "You want to sing?" "Do it in the shower!" "Why don't you sing with a band?" "Why do you have to sing all by yourself?" "I sing a cappella." "My voice is my instrument." "Oh, my God!" "Why not just buy a gun and let Ricky Brown shoot you in the eye?" "I knew you wouldn't understand, Norman." "That's why I didn't tell you about it." "What about us?" "You sing in that stupid show, and it's just gonna make it worse for the rest of us!" "It doesn't matter what they do to us." "You said it yourself, Norman." "Theyll probably just do it anyway." "I think you should sing if you want to." "I'm sorry, Norman, but I'm going to sing." "Damn it, Stanley!" "Why do you have to make everything harder than it is?" " You shouldn't swear, Norman." " Go to he'll!" "You deserve whatever you get!" "I think he's just worried about you." "Come on, there's a few more minutes before the bell rings." "Hey, Andy." "Mary Clear likes you." "Mary Clear likes me?" "That's what I said." " Why?" " "Why"?" "I don't know." "She's pretty much gone steady with everybody else, so..." "She told you that she wanted to go steady with me?" "Of course!" "She's my best friend." "She said she thinks you're cute." "And don't ask me why." "Wow." "Let's just say that selection by process of elimination lacked a certain romance one might otherwise have found exciting." "Even at the age of 13." "At the end of every month, I had to collect money from all the customers on my route." "It was a task I relished for its simplicity in what was becoming an increasingly complicated world." "Hit the porch and the customer was satisfied." "And a satisfied customer meant payoffs, ranging anywhere from cash tips to assorted snack foods." "Next stop, Mary Clear's house." "Regardless of her sudden and mysterious interest in me, coupled by the fact that I had yet to hit her porch," "I wasn't expecting much." "Hi, Andy." "How's it going?" "Good." "How's it going with you?" "Great." "Good." "So, uh, how's it going?" "You asked me that already." "Oh, uh..." "Yeah." "You said "great", right?" "Yeah." "Okay." "So, is your mom or dad home?" "I'm collecting for the paper." "Oh, yeah." "Here you go." "Oh, okay, thanks." " There you go." " Thanks." "All right, well, I gotta get going." "Yeah, III see you at school." "Yeah." "Yeah, okay." "I'll..." "I'll see you." "Hey, Nichol." "I see you're collecting for the paper." "Why'd you have to do that, Ricky?" "I didn't have to." "It was my treat." "What's in the bag?" "Don't get up." "I'll just have to knock you back down again." "Chocolate chip." "My favourite." "See you in school, Nichol." "So, she paid you the money?" "Yeah." "Which means Mary had to ask her parents for the money in advance." "It was a set-up." "Barbara Foss wasn't blowing smoke." "Mary likes me." "And this is a bad thing?" "I don't know." "It's weird." "I'm no different than I was at the beginning of the year." "And I just..." "I mean, I've never even talked to her." "What does that have to do with anything?" "I don't know." "It just seems like it should." "You gonna kiss her?" "Yeah." "Of course I'm gonna kiss her." " Idiot." " You know, she's a real good kisser." "How would you know?" "You're probably the only other guy in the school that hasn't kissed her yet." "Yeah, right, like she made out with Big G." "I doubt it." "He's probably up before you are." "Shut up, Andy." "You and Big G are real bosom buddies now, huh?" "You shut up." "I bet you never kissed a girl in your life, have you, Nichol?" "Hey, Freel's back from suspension." "Hey, Nichol." "How's that paper coming in Simon's class?" "Okay." "Remember you told me Mr Simon was your favourite teacher?" " Yeah." " Still think so?" "After he stuck you with Big G?" "I don't know." "I guess so." "I don't get you, Andy." "You know, my dad says Simon's a homo." "I had no idea what Modak meant, but I sensed from his tone that this homo thing was not something Mr Simon should include on his resume." "Tell me something I don't know." "So, you're saying you like homos?" "Yeah, right." "Take it easy, Andy." "Another thing you never do is believe a guy like Bruce Modak." "I decided to investigate the allegation myself." " Hey, Dire?" " Yeah?" "You knew Mr Simon was a homo, right?" "Where you been, Nichol?" "Jimmy, Jimmy!" "I hear Simon's a homo?" "Nichol, seriously?" "What's it like to go around with your head up your butt?" "Good afternoon, everyone!" "Good afternoon, Mr Simon." "I have an announcement to make." "The car I won in the newspaper contest has arrived, and I've asked Principal Kelner if I could give each of you a ride, and she said, "Yes."" ""A world I dream where black or white," ""Whatever race you be," ""Will share the bounties of the earth And every man is free," ""Where wretchedness will hang its head And joy, like a pearl," ""Attends the needs of all mankind." ""Of such a world, I dream."" "So, the poem's about not being prejudiced?" "Well, Mr Simon says we can pick only one word, and it has to mean the same thing to the both of us." "What's wrong with "prejudice"?" "The poem's about being prejudiced." "Yeah, but prejudice can mean different things to different people." " No, it can't." " Sure it can." "It would change depending on if you were..." "No one's prejudiced against you, so it's different for you than others." "So, you're saying I'd have to be a negro to understand it?" "No." "People are prejudiced for all kinds of reasons." "Negroes just happen to be one of the majors." "Okay, so you got a better word?" "How about "tolerance"?" ""Tolerance"?" "Okay." "Now why does that work?" "I looked it up." ""Sympathy or indulgence" ""for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own," ""or the act of allowing something to be different."" "So, the guy in the poem dreams of a world where people let each other be different?" "Yeah." "That's why "tolerance" is such a great word." "It's not even saying you have to like the other person." "It's just saying, leave them alone." "Okay, so now we write a short story about being tolerant?" "Yeah." "# You talk over me" "# Here we go again It's always me, me, me, me, me #." " Can I ask you a question?" " I told you never to come in my room again, you little freak!" "No, no, no!" "No, no, no, no!" "I forgot!" "I swear!" "I swear, I forgot." "I just want to ask you a question!" "III clean your room for a week!" "What?" "Could a teacher get fired if he's a homo?" "Definitely." "Now get out!" "One more question." "One more week, freak." "Okay." "What exactly is a homo?" "The whole house smells like a glue factory." "You're using too much glue again, aren't you?" "Well, I want it to stick." "It will stick with less glue." "Come here, III do it." "You watch." "Come on, move over." "I almost had it, Dad." "No, you did not." "You did not have it." "Just watch and learn." " Where are the directions?" "Right here?" " Yeah." "Have you read these?" "Beginning to end, before you started?" "Yeah." "See now, look at that." "You were using too much glue." "The directions say you can take off extra glue with a razor blade." "Or you could just do it right the first time, then you don't have that trouble." "Come on, pal, you'll end up cutting your finger off." " That'd be bad, right?" " Yeah." " Look." "You got a mess here." " I..." "I have some homework to finish." "If you have homework to finish, you shouldn't even be doing this." "You know better." "The holiday was Têt, the Lunar New Year." "For the first time, the Viet Cong invaded the cities in force, including Saigon..." " Finish your homework, honey?" " Yeah." "Suicide attack into the grounds of the American Embassy." "Mom, did kids go steady when you were in eighth grade?" "Yeah, Andy." "Even in the old days." "What was it like?" "It's pretty much always been the same." "I think the only things that really change are the clothes and the music." "Why?" "Are you thinking about going steady?" "No!" "No." "Just..." "You know, wondering, if it ever comes up." "So was it fun, or did it make you nervous?" "I seem to remember it as being pretty fun." "I mean, and a little nerve-racking." "It doesn't last long, though." "At least not in eighth grade." "Yeah." "I've noticed that." "All right, well, I'm gonna go see if Dad's finished my model yet." "Andy?" "Make sure you remember to wear that deodorant I bought you every day, okay?" " Why?" "Do I smell?" " Oh, no, no, I just..." "I mean, you never know when it's going to start." "And you just don't want it to start at the wrong time, right?" "Yeah, sure, Mom." "One more question." "What's a..." "A homo?" "The other kids know about this?" "Yeah." "They do." "I was afraid to talk about it at first." "But then I heard other kids talking about it, and I thought I better say something." "You did right telling me this." "Hey," " you didn't tell him, did you?" " Of course." "Did you want him to find out in school from the other kids?" "Yeah, yeah." "That's how everyone else finds out about it." "Why should our kid be any different?" "Well, he asked me." "What was I supposed to do?" "You could tell him he's not old enough to know." "The kids at school are talking about it." "Hey!" "Do we know if it's true?" "No!" "You know how kids start these rumours." "Well, do we know if it's not true?" "I don't know that we want someone like that teaching our kid!" "He is the best teacher that school has!" "People talk about it like it's a contagious disease!" "Oh, stop it!" "You don't know how someone becomes something like that." "The whole country's going to he'll in a handbasket." "Hippies protesting the Vietnam War, and now..." "What now?" "Now we've got homosexuals teaching our kids." "Teachers are role models, Sherri." "They look up to him." "Have you thought about that?" "They look up to him because he's a wonderful teacher, not because of what he does in his bedroom at night." "Why do you even got to talk like that?" "Oh!" "The whole thing is absurd." "Fine, fine." "Okay, it's absurd." "But I tell you, I for one, I'm going to monitor the situation until I know exactly what the he'll is going on." "May I have the pillow please?" "Thank you." "Good night." "When my mother explained to me what a homosexual was, she thankfully spared me the technicalities." "My father was right." "I wasn't ready." "The more conventional male-female approach was still relatively new to me." "She said a homosexual was capable of a deeper love for another man than a woman." "And she assured me that it had absolutely nothing to do with Mr Simon's character, and insisted he was still the best teacher" "I would probably ever have." "And that was all that mattered." "Turn the game off, Ed." "We need to talk." " How about later?" " No." "Now, Ed." "Okay, kids." "Once around the block!" "Mr Simon?" "This is the coolest car ever made!" "Yeah, it is pretty cool, isn't it?" "Yes!" "Hey, Nichol!" "Where have you been?" " Sorry." " The car is unbelievable." "Yeah, Nichol." "Maybe you can get in line with your pal Pumpkin Head over there." "Looks like you two just can't get enough of each other." "Good thing Simon has a convertible, or I don't think freako's head would fit." "Shut up, Ricky!" "Maybe you wanna ride with them, Mary." "You, Nichol, Cro-Magnon man..." "Maybe I will." "Look, Dan..." "I can't go anyway." "That's what I came to tell you." "Old Tuna Breath's got me doing some work in the office, so..." "I'll see you later." "With all due respect, Mr Freel, that is a very dangerous accusation." "A man's reputation is at stake." "I hope you have some proof." "I've got my boy's word." "He says it's all over school." "Now, you've got a real problem with a teacher and you need to do something about that." "You are talking about a man who was voted the California Teacher of the Year last year, and nominated many years before that." "Just because he's won some awards, doesn't mean that he's not some kind of pervert." "That kind of thing is a sickness, and sooner or later, it's going to take over other parts of his life." "It's human nature." "That assumption is completely unfounded." "Mr Freel, sir." "I have known Mr Simon for 12 years now, and there has never been so much as a hint of an impropriety." "Well, sometimes these things take a while to fester." "Mr Simon is a widower." "His wife passed away many years ago." "Well, now, I heard that they can sometimes get married to cover their tracks." "It might explain why he never remarried." "I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you." "I am going to talk to Mr Simon and see if there was some kind of misunderstanding that can make sense of Jason's claims." "I can guaran-damn-tee that if this guy isn't dealt with in a hurry, there will not be a parent in this school that doesn't know about what's going on." "I'll go to the papers if I have to." "Please, sir." "Please don't do anything until I have had a chance to look into it myself." "You've got 48 hours." "And excuse me if my son isn't in this guy Simon's class in the meanwhile." "That's your prerogative, Mr Freel." "Meanwhile, back on my march toward understanding the mysteries of impending manhood, it occurred to me that going steady with Mary Clear could provide some much-needed insight." "Hey, anybody seen Modak?" "That's if I could bluff my way through it without totally humiliating myself." "I needed an ID bracelet, and I needed it fast." "Among his many other talents," "Modak was also known as the school hustler." "Every school and prisoner of war camp has one." "A guy who knows the angles and can get anything you want." "For the right price, of course." " Modak?" " Nichol." "I need an ID bracelet." "I can help you with that." "Look." "I don't have anything with "Andy" on it, but I got a couple of blanks." "You can get your name on it at Sears for, like, five bucks." "Blank's okay." "It's the thought that counts." "I don't have the money anyway." "Then why am I talking to you?" "I thought maybe a trade." "That can work." "What you thinking?" " Baseball cards?" " Vintage?" "'52 Mantle rookie card." " Condition?" " Excellent." "It still smells like bubblegum." "I'll take three, and we're done." "What?" "Modak, that's ridiculous!" "Three's all I got!" " That's way too many!" "Are you kidding?" " Hey!" "Relax!" "I don't make the rules." "Actually," "I guess I do make the rules." "So take it or leave it." "Okay." "I'll bring them tomorrow." "I trust you." "So who's the lucky girl?" "Mary Clear." "You might have a problem with that, 'cause that's the one I gave her when we went steady." "I'll have to take my chances." "Pleasure doing business." "That was maybe a $10 bracelet." "Hey, give Mary my best." "She's a good kid." "And today those Mantle rookie cards are worth about $100,000." "The trip through that dark tunnel from boy to man does not come without great expense." " Stephen?" " Evelyn, hi!" "What's up?" "Well, I'm sorry to interrupt your free period, but something came up and I thought we should deal with it as soon as possible." "The PTA drive fall short again for the 12th straight year?" "No, it's..." "It is awkward." "Frankly, I'm embarrassed to come to you with this, but I don't have any choice." "Ev?" "What are we talking about here?" "Well..." "Jason Freel." "Yeah?" "You know how children are." "And, actually, he insists..." "Apparently there's a rumour that's going around the school that you're" "a homosexual." "This is so embarrassing for me to come to a man of your..." "You know how much I respect you." "A homosexual?" "Yes." "This whole misunderstanding stems from the Karen Connor incident." "Some act of revenge on Jason's part, but unfortunately he's already gone to his mother and father." "Ev." "It's okay." "Just take a breath." "Mr Freel insists unless something is done, he is going to tell the other parents and the papers." "According to him, this is a fact." "It's funny." "Suddenly, I feel a great deal of empathy for young Jason." "As soon as I can say that you deny it, well, that's good enough for me." "And when you do deny it, if that's not enough for him, then I will stand right beside you and fight." "They..." "They see a man like you, unmarried, single all these years..." "You know how people are." "And they just take a situation and they blow it up for no reason." "I guess..." "I guess I just don't know how my private life has any bearing on my ability as a teacher." "Shouldn't the work just stand for itself?" "Yes, of course." "But this isn't about that." "I think it is." "No." "No, it isn't." "This would be so much easier if you would just deny it and we could move forward." "Are you denying that you're a homosexual?" "I'm not going to justify that question with an answer." "I am 57 years old, Ev." "I have been a teacher most of my life." "I will not compromise who or what I am for the likes of Jason Freel." "Or his parents." "I'm sorry." "It took maybe 30 seconds for word of Mary Clear and my impending union to cover the school grounds like a suffocating fog." "If only our fire drills were that organised." "Andy Nichol is gonna ask Mary Clear to go steady!" "Heck, even the Blue Angels don't fly with that kind of precision any more." "There would be no turning back now." "Hey, Nichol!" "Come here!" "III be back in a second." "Hey!" "You a geek now?" "Back off, Taylor!" "Make me." " What?" " It's all over school, man." "What?" "What do you mean, what?" "You and Mary Clear." "Ricky Brown's looking for you, man." "He's pissed." "He still likes her." "Then why did he break up with her?" "You didn't know?" "She actually broke up with him!" "Did I neglect to mention that Mary's last and longest relationship to date was with Ricky Brown?" "Of course, I had assumed he broke up with her." "Nobody would be crazy enough to stand up to Ricky Brown." "I did not know that." "Mrs Freel?" "If you're selling something, we're not interested." "No." "I'm the principal from Jason's school." "Evelyn Kelner." "Oh." "You want to talk to my husband?" "Yes, please." "He's out back." "Come on in." "Thank you." "I'm just not sure that you understand the kind of man that Stephen Simon is." "I have never, ever worked with a better person or a better teacher in my entire career." "Did he deny it?" "Well, he felt..." "And, actually, I support him on this." "He couldn't understand why his record as a teacher wouldn't stand on its own." "That sounds like a fancy way of saying he didn't deny it." "What did you expect him to do?" "Admit it?" "This isn't about his teaching ability." "Well give him that." "It's about kids looking up to him like he's some kind of example on how to live." "We have a moral obligation." "It's in the Bible." "Did you know he was taking kids for rides in his car?" "I gave him permission." "He had won a new car." "He was just treating the children." "I guess well know who to point the finger at on that one, now won't we?" "Now, you listen to me." "Your son brutally whipped a defenceless young girl because he thought that she was ugly!" "He thought by touching her, it would rub off on him." "And now you're afraid he might look up to a kind, wonderful man like Stephen Simon?" "I'm not saying what my boy did to that girl was right." "I whipped his ass real good for what he did." "But that's all he is." "He is just a boy." "He doesn't know any better." "I am not sure what I have accomplished coming here." "But I am begging you, please, reconsider." "You would be doing the children of this community a great disservice." "You know better, don't you?" "You know he's a homo." "No." "I don't know if he's homosexual or not." "And frankly, I don't care." "My guess is this community will care, and they won't appreciate you condoning it." "I'll see myself out." "Thank you, Mrs Freel." "What if they don't let Mr Simon teach any more?" "I certainly hope that doesn't happen." "Listen, I don't think we should get all wound up over this, until we know exactly what's going on." "Your father's right, Andy." "See, they had this thing in the old days called the Salem witch hunt, where people got all wound up before they knew what the facts were." "And let's not forget Joe McCarthy." "He got so wound up, he's still spinning." "What about you, Andy?" "You ever see Mr Simon do anything weird?" "What do you mean by weird?" "Look, Jim, he's a little young." "No, Sherri." "He's gonna hear this stuff, just like you said." "Better we deal with it here and now." "Andy?" "Did you ever see Mr Simon touch a boy" "in a place that he should not?" "Jim?" "What are you doing?" "Just answer the question, Son." "No!" "Never!" "Okay." "Good." "Dinner was good." "I'm gonna go to the garage." "He is not going to let go of this." "They feel they have a moral obligation." "Fascinating." "He even went so far as to threaten me." "To think this man can ruin reputations that we have spent years building with absolutely no evidence." "My God." "I'm the first woman principal in the county." "I'm trying to put two kids through college." "I just don't think that..." "Ev." "Ev, please." "I won't let this happen." "Please, Stephen." "Just deny it." "For the children's sake." "I don't care if it's true or not." "Please, just deny it." "It's for the sake of the children that I won't deny it." "True or not." "Mr Nichol?" "You missed your chance for a ride." "Mr Simon." "You're going to sell it?" "I'm afraid so." "Why?" "This is the coolest car I've ever seen." "Unfortunately, teaching is a labour of love, not of economic reward." "Couldn't you, like, rent it out or something when you're not using it?" "Very entrepreneurial of you, Andrew." "But I don't really think this car is my style." "It would be better if I sold it to someone a little hipper, perhaps." "Here." "Let me help you." "What are the boxes for?" "It's not long before summer vacation." "I thought I'd get a head start." "Don't you usually keep most of the stuff in the classroom for next year?" "Normally, yeah." "But as it turns out, I won't be here next year." "Why?" "Well, I have a sister in Florida, and I haven't been able to spend much time with her the last few years." "I thought I might enjoy the change." "You better hurry up." "You don't want to be late for homeroom." "Thanks." "Mr Simon's not coming back next year." "So?" "We won't be here anyway." "It just seems weird that somebody like Jason Freel could get Mr Simon to quit." "They're both freaks, if you ask me." "There's no proof Mr Simon's a homo!" "Then why is he leaving?" "Maybe..." "Maybe the class could pitch in and get him a present or something." "Like what?" "I don't know." "I don't know what he likes." "My dad says they're like women." "They like flowers and crap like that." "We should have known Simon was a homo when he told us about that ballet he went to." "He might as well have stamped a big "homo" sign on his forehead." "All I know is, homo or not, if you asked anyone in his class who their favourite teacher is, it'd be Mr Simon." "Except Freel, maybe." "Yeah, I guess you're right." "At least he was until this homo thing." "Get up, Nichol." "Take a walk, Rains." "See you after school, Andy." "Look, Ricky, whatever..." "You're gonna ask Mary Clear to go steady with you?" "Uh..." "Not if you don't want me to." "I don't want you to." "Get up, Nichol." "After I pound your face in," "Mary's gonna think you're too ugly to go steady with." "Hey, leave him alone." "Who's gonna make me, freak?" "No one can see us, Ricky." "Just walk away and nobody will know." "Nobody will believe it." " What about you, Nichol?" " Nothing." "It never happened." "You tell anybody about this or go near Mary, III kill you." "Yeah." "I'm gonna get you real bad for this." "With the clock ticking down to the end of the school year," "I figured if I could just keep a low profile," "I could get out with my dignity intact." "But Mary Clear would not be denied." "It had begun." "And as far as I knew, nothing short of running for your life could stop it." "Mary was in the preliminary phase of what was referred to as the Hover Ritual." "This was a technique in which the female of the species would travel in ever-tightening circles around her prey, enticing him to strike so that he would actually think that he was the aggressor, thereby ensuring his delicate male ego would remain intact." "I wasn't fooled." "I had to get out and get out fast." "Hi, Andy." "I didn't see you." "Yeah, sorry." "I instantly started to sweat like a pig." "She noticed, but mercifully pretended not to." "So..." "How're you doing?" "Good." "So..." "So how're you doing?" "She noticed I was making an idiot out of myself again, but, forgiving beyond all reason, pretended not to." "Barbara said you wanted to see me." "She did?" "She said you wanted to ask me something?" "It was at that moment that I realised just how bad I wanted to kiss Mary Clear." "So bad, in fact, that I forgot about Ricky Brown and the cruel ways he might kill me if I did." "You want to go steady?" "You got an ID bracelet?" "Yeah." "She studied the bracelet as if trying to estimate its fair market value." "You bought this from Bruce Modak, didn't you?" "Yeah." "It cost me three Mantle rookie cards." "She wasn't impressed then, but I'll bet she's reeling now." "How many women possess a $100,000 ID bracelet in their junk drawer?" "Okay." "Meet me at the end of the tunnel at 3:00." "Don't be late." "My bus leaves at 3:15." ""When only the Dwarf and the Paladin were left," ""they would not give up, but stood their ground stoutly," ""a pair of steel towers streaked and splashed with blood," ""and where the axe of one fell, and the sword of the other," ""an enemy gasped and died." ""And so fighting, loyal to their duty to Joan, good simple souls..."" "As Mr Simon read from Joan of Arc," "I, unfortunately, could not enjoy it." "Instead, I spent the time trying desperately to remember all the great kissing scenes I had watched in movies." "Focusing on fundamentals, I imagined how Cary Grant might kiss Mary Clear." "That turned out to be a little discouraging, because Cary Grant and Mary Clear looked really good together." "And I suddenly felt more inadequate than I did before." ""The Maid of Orleans taken!" "Joan of Arc, a prisoner!" ""The saviour of France lost to us!" "'" ""And would keep saying that over," ""as if they couldn't understand how it could be," ""or how God could permit it, poor creatures!"" "Perfect!" "Well finish the last chapter on the last day of class." "Class dismissed!" "I almost forgot." "I will need all of the final team projects on my desk before you leave." "And remember, everyone, tonight is the talent show." "I want complete attendance." "No excuses to the contrary." "Thank you." "Mr Nichol." "I look forward to your and Stanley's report." "Yes, sir." "I spent sixth period PE class trying desperately not to sweat for Mary's sake." "Come on, Nichol!" "Hustle up, would you?" "This whole body odour issue had begun to consume me." "It occurred to me that if God created man in his own image, did that mean that he, too, used deodorant?" "Or did he simply add sweat and body odour to us so that he'd be the only guy without sweat rings when the world was coming to an end?" "It was time." "I moved with purpose, and yet it was clear that my mind was not in control." "My body, governed by some force previously unknown to me, was calling the shots." "This, despite the fact that it was my body, and not my mind, that Ricky Brown would ultimately beat unmercifully." "Hey, Nichol?" "We running workups after school today?" "No." "We've been planning this for a week." "Seriously?" "Nichol!" "I walked quickly." "Not because I was anxious, so much as I was extremely intimidated by Mary and didn't want to upset her." "She commanded respect." "After all, at a time when every move a young boy makes breaks some personal sexual boundary, Mary Clear was like a beacon of light." "Even the other girls respected her." "After a boy had made out with Mary, they could all rest easy in that boy's firm embrace, knowing at least one of them knew what he was doing." "Andy!" "Where you going, man?" "Bike rack is the other way." "Thanks for all the help today, Dan." "Now I know who my friends are." "I'm your friend, Andy, but I'm not a moron." "What was I supposed to do?" "Get beat up with you?" "That makes no sense at all." "Would you be friends with a moron?" "Forget it." "I'll see you later." "Where you going?" "To meet Mary Clear." "Are you insane?" "Ricky Brown will kill you!" "I know." "But I can't stop myself." "Finally, up ahead, I approached the tunnel." "Mary would be waiting on the other side." "You lost, Nichol?" "They say your life flashes before your eyes just prior to death, but that didn't happen to me." "I took it as a good sign." "All I could think about was how painful it felt when Ricky had punched me in the stomach." "And that was just a warning." "Let him go, Ricky!" "Shut up, Mary!" "This ain't your business!" "You let him go, or III tell Principal Kelner who stole $32 in quarters out of the Pepsi machine." "You're the luckiest butt wipe I've ever known, Nichol." "First a freak balls you out, now a girl?" "Am I gonna have to fight your mother next?" "I bet the house on my mother, Ricky." "You'll be alone next time, Nichol." "I promise." "Having cheated death once more, I marched on." "At this point, I wasn't sure who I feared most," "Ricky Brown or Mary Clear." "Whoever chose this particular spot to make out knew a heck of a lot more about symbolism than most eighth graders." "Although no one knew the origin of said tradition, my guess is that it was Mary Clear herself." "She alone would understand its meaning." "Hi." "We're gonna have to do this after the talent show." "My bus is leaving in one minute." "Meet me back here." "Doris?" "Have you seen Big G?" "Yeah, I passed him sitting out in the parking lot." "Thank you." "Stanley?" "Hello." "You know that time Ricky Brown was squirting you in the crotch with a water pistol?" "Yeah." "I should have done something." "I should have tried to help you and..." "I'm sorry." "That's okay." "You scared?" "Yes." "I think you may be the bravest guy I know." "Or the craziest." "Yeah." "Did Norman come?" "I don't know, but I'm sure he will." "Yeah." "It's funny." "The smallest kid in school protecting the biggest." "Yeah." "I'll see you after the show." "Yeah." "See you after the show." "I want to thank everyone for this marvellous turnout." "The children have worked very hard, and I think you'll be surprised at the wonderful variety of different acts that we have for you tonight." "Our first act is Doris Gebben, who will play a lovely Beethoven piece on the stand-up bass." "Doris." "Wait, wait." "Sorry." "As Doris droned on, I searched the crowd for Norman, but he was nowhere to be found." "I knew how much it meant to Stanley for him to be there, so..." "Collecting for the paper again?" "How come you're not at the talent show?" "Why aren't you?" "He wanted to know if you were there, and when I didn't see you, I just came here." "You know those western movies where the bad guys are gonna hang the good guy?" "But the posse shows up to save the good guy just in time?" "Yeah." "I guarantee you there's no posse out looking to save Stanley." "Look, I think he'll feel bad if you're not there." "I don't know why he does it." "He just won't give in, no matter what they do to him." "Hell be on soon." "I just don't want to see their faces." "I don't want to hear them laugh." "Look, if he's brave enough to do it," "I think you should be brave enough to be there for him." "And maybe..." "Maybe we're the posse." "You don't know what it's like." "No." "But I do know you and Stanley are best friends." "Besides, maybe he can really sing." "Yeah, sure." "And maybe they'll vote me King of the Prom." "You know, you were right about him." "He's not like anyone else." "My mom says Stanley has something most people will never have." "Stanley has dignity." "Yeah." "Well, I gotta get back." "Next up is Janet Piccolo, who will twirl her baton to the stirring Stars and Stripes Forever." "Janet!" "There you go." "Hey." "Hello, Norman." "Good luck." "Thanks for coming." "You okay?" "Yeah." "I think so." "I'll see you after the show." "Okay." "Just..." "Can you tell me why you think you have to do all this?" "Because, Norman, I'm a singer." "That's what I am." "Okay." "Well..." "That was certainly interesting." "For our next act, please welcome Tommy Kenner and his swinging drum solo." "He's after Tommy Kenner." "I didn't know he played the drums." "He's gotta be doing something in his spare time." "He certainly doesn't study." "The guy can hardly walk and chew gum." "Maybe he'll stink and Stanley won't seem so bad in comparison." "Holy crap!" "If Kenner could read as well as he plays those drums, he'd be president." "He doesn't stink nearly enough." "Let the hanging begin." "My goodness gracious!" "That certainly was something." "All right, all right." "All right, folks." "Calm down." "Our show isn't over yet!" "For our last act of the show," "Stanley Minor will sing a composition which he wrote himself." "He wrote his own song?" "Go Ahead and Dream." "If I was really his friend, I would have killed him by now." "Despite Norman's passionate prayers," "Big G walked out on the stage." "Tall, straight, and proud." "Like a man who had every right to be there." "Excuse me, everyone." "Excuse me!" "If we could all give Stanley our undivided attention, please." "He'll be singing without accompaniment, and we need it to be absolutely quiet." "You try and throw that tomato, Ricky, and I'm gonna stop you." "You don't have the balls, Nichol." "Now you don't have the balls." "Ricky, have you had a bowel movement today?" "Obviously, you're suffering from gas pains." "Tomatoes will do that to you, you know." "Boys, would you help my friend Ricky here out of the gym?" "He's not feeling well and, you know, the show must go on." "Everything's fine, folks!" "Let us all keep quiet, please, and give Mr Minor our undivided attention." "Thank you." "Good job." "Stanley?" "Go." "Go ahead and dream." "Don't be afraid to laugh when others cry." "To live instead of die." "Life ain't what it seems." "So go ahead and dream." "He's not bad." "He's no Tommy Kenner, but he's not bad." "No, he's just brave." "'Cause life ain't what it seems." "So go ahead and dream." "Go ahead and run right into fear." "The answer is to clear your mind." "Big G had a very nice voice." "If his voice had been great, it would have made it all so easy." "The crowd would have stood and cheered him, a thundering ovation." "But such was not Stanley Minor's lot in life." "Look at his face." "Look how happy he is." "But, oh, did he sing with passion." "The joy freedom brings." "Go ahead and dream." "Dream." "Dream." "Damn, he's got guts!" "You shouldn't swear, Norman." "With all the excitement, I had almost forgotten about my date with Mary." "Postponing destiny had only managed to drive my anxiety even higher." "There was one distinct advantage, however." "This time, I would enter the tunnel, not under the protection of Mary Clear, but after having dealt with Ricky Brown on my own." "Hi, Andy." "Hi, Mary." "She stood still, allowing me the first advance." "She held the faint wisps of my tender male ego in her hand, and I could only hope that she would caress them gently." "So, how're you doing?" "No, no." "Uh..." "Let's forget that." "So..." "Can I kiss you?" "Sure." "Finally." "I leaned in and kissed..." "Oh, no!" "At the last moment, I chickened out and kissed her on the cheek, an appalling display of cowardice, and she would have been within her rights to run around the school laughing her head off." "You've never made out before, have you?" "Male ego being what it is, I might have lied to save face, but Mary seemed all-knowing somehow." "Besides, who was I kidding?" "No." "Would you like me to teach you?" "Yes." "I'd like that very much." "And so she did." "Slowly, carefully, handling me as if I were a mound of clay moulded by the artist's tender touch." "She turned what might have been a scarring boyhood memory into the sweetest of recollections." "And for that I would always be grateful." "What's with the stopwatch?" "I like to time each kiss." "The record is 1 minute and 16 seconds." "Can I ask who holds the record?" "Ricky Brown." "Figures." "Well, if it helps, I can hold my breath under water for a minute and a half." "That should help." ""I have finished my story of Joan of Arc, that wonderful child," ""that sublime personality," ""that spirit which in one regard has had no peer and will have none." ""With Joan of Arc love of country was more than a sentiment." ""It was a passion." ""She was the genius of patriotism," ""love, mercy, charity, fortitude, war, peace, poetry, music." ""These may be symbolised as any shall prefer," ""by figures of either sex and of any age." ""But a slender girl in her first young bloom," ""with the martyr's crown upon her head," ""and in her hand the sword that severed her country's bonds," ""shall not this, and no other, stand for patriotism" ""through all the ages, until time shall end?"" "It really is a beautiful book, isn't it?" "I hope you've all enjoyed it." "All right, I have your papers here." "Your final team papers." "And I would like to say, all in all, that each team did a marvellous job." "Congratulations to all of you." "I would like each team to pick up your paper on the way out." "But before that, I just want to tell you," "I have very much enjoyed our time together this year, and I wish each and every one of you all the best of luck as you enter high school next fall." "Class dismissed." "Here you go." "Very nice." "In case you're wondering," "Mary Clear and I went steady for five weeks, her longest relationship to that point." "It was a torrid affair." "Kissing became even more enjoyable when I discovered it was all right to breathe." "This was just wonderful." "Thank you." "Boys, you did a good job." " Thank you, Mr Simon." " Thank you." "And as for Mr Simon..." "Wow!" "Thank you, sir." "Thank you, sir." "I am as proud of you two boys as any students I've ever had." "And I mean that." "And I wish you both a wonderful summer and a wonderful life." "What are you going to do now, Mr Simon?" "Well, III find some place to teach, of course." "I am a teacher." "That's what I am." "Goodbye, sir." "Goodbye, Stanley." "Goodbye, Andrew." "Goodbye, sir." "Thank you." "Stanley and I lost touch when he moved away in our sophomore year in high school." "I can assure you his suffering did not end in the eighth grade." "Nevertheless, I know whatever hardships were thrust upon him, he handled them with dignity." "He's coming." "As for me, well, I am a writer." "That's what I am." "Against the wall!" "Against the wall!" "And with my pen, I can create a world where brave men like Stanley Minor are exalted as the standard by which we all measure ourselves, a world where Karen Connor will fit the glass slipper, and Norman Grunmeyer is voted King of the Prom," "a world where the equation human dignity plus compassion equals peace." "One, two, three!" "Goodbye, Mr Simon!" "Thank you!" "Thank you!" "Yeah!" "Best teacher ever!" "Thank you!" "You're the best!" "The best!" "Hey, Stanley!" "See you around." "See you around, Andy." "The last week of eighth grade was memorable for many reasons, not the least of which were those glorious make-out sessions with Mary." "But knowing I would never see Mr Simon again haunted me." "There was still one question that had to be answered." "Mr Simon?" "Hello?" "Mr Simon?" "Can I help you, Mr Nichol?" "I'm so sorry, sir." "It's okay." "I'm glad you dropped by." "Would you like a cup of tea?" "No, sir, thank you." "I just wanted to ask you a question." "My wife, yes." "Mystery solved?" "No, sir." "Well..." "Yeah." "I guess that, too." "Have a seat." "So, where is she?" "She passed away, 19 years ago today, in fact." "I'm sorry." "Yeah." "A little sappy, I'm afraid." "As a writer, it would do you well to avoid melodrama in your work." "I suppose I loved her too much." "Does that help you, Andrew?" "No." "I mean, I don't care about that." "That's not why I came." "Oh, really?" "Well, you've got me intrigued." "What is it?" "I just wanted to know, when you assigned me to work with Stanley, why'd you pick me?" "You said there was a reason." "Well, I believe that life is about timing, opportunity, and choices." "It was an opportunity at the right time for a wonderful young man like you to make the right choice." "And I knew you weren't ready to do that, but I didn't want you to miss it." "But how did you know it would work?" "How did you know that I could do it?" "I didn't." "But sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you can." "I'm not sure that I fully understood it then, but it did occur to me that somewhere in that marvelous pile of books Mr Simon cherished, there was a manual called How to Be a Teacher written by Mr Simon." "Andy!" "Andy!" "Shut it off!" "Come on!" "Shut it off!" "Shut it off!" "Come on." "Now, how many times have I told you?" "You have to use the wheel grooves as a guide to show where you left off!" "Here." "I'll show you!" "No, no!" "No." "What do you mean, "No"?" "I mean..." "I'm going to finish the lawn, Dad." "I'll go over it again and catch anything I missed." "That's just the way I do it." "Once one way, and then another against the grain." "Like at the ballpark, or like a checkerboard!" "I like to do it, Dad." "I like to mow the lawn." "I like the way it looks and smells, and I'm going to finish it." "My way!" "Then, once I'm done, if I've still left a spot, you can call me a jughead." "But please, just let me finish." "Okay." "Fair enough." "What?"