"MAC:" "Oh,man,thisisso  exciting." "CHARLIE:" "Isthisthe green room?" "FRANK:" "Yeah." "Agameshow." "Can you guys believe we're gonna be on a game show?" "DENNIS:" "Allright,all right, relax." "Awesome!" "Guys, the green room of" "FamilyFight..." "I've got goose bumps." "Yeah,allright,calmdown ." "Don't start acting like an animal, here." "All right, listen, this is" "FamilyFight." "This is a nationally televised program." "This is a very big deal for us, okay?" "We're talking..." "What are you doing?" "Are you stealing an ashtray right now?" "Yeah." "Why?" "We have ashtrays, and you don't even smoke." "Thisisaperfectplacefor me to lay out my political agenda." "No,no,no ." "No politics,man ." "What?" "Becauseit'stoopolarizing, okay?" "And don't be misogynistic and please don't be gross, I mean..." "Guys, let's-let's be smart about this." "Let's be right down the middle." "DEE:" "Rightdownthe middle sounds so boring." "That's not what the audience wants to see." "Thinking I'm gonna do a Jenny" "McCarthy thing, where I'm, like, super sexy, but I got a potty mouth." "Ah-ah,no,no ,Dee,you are  never going to be sexy." "And do not do a potty mouth thing, okay?" "We don't want to come across as low-brow animals." "Now, have some veggie platter and have some fruit, okay?" "That is brain food." "Mm-mm,noway,not me." "Haven't eaten in three days." "I don't want to be puffy." "J-Mac's face... it's never puffy." "Yeah,becauseJ-Mac'sface is stapled to the back of her head." "Now, eat some food." "You look emaciated and sick." "(passing gas)" "What is that?" "Fartnoisekeychain." "Dennis,whatis thisenticing bowl of white?" "This?" "Yeah." "Charlie,that...that's cottage cheese." "Cottagecheese?" "Like... cheese from some cottage?" "Whose cottage?" "Well, like, what is that, exactly?" "Howdoyounot knowwhat  it is?" "Aren't you, like, a cheese guy?" "I'mnotacottageguy." "Youaregonnamakeuslose this game." "(audience cheering faintly)" "Herecomestheotherfamily." "JANET:" "Hello." "You must be the Reynolds family." "I'm Janet, and we're the" "Barretts." "Oh." "Okay..." "LISA:" "Hey,guys!" "I'm Lisa." "I'm stage manager." "Both teams ready?" "(cheering)" "Let'splayFamilyFight!" "It'stimeto play" "FamilyFight!" "Let's give it up for your host," "Grant Anderson!" "(Grant laughing)" "Howyoudoing,man ?" "GRANT:" "Hey,oh !" "Hello!" "All right!" "Thank you for coming out, everybody, and welcome to" "FamilyFight." "I'm your host, Grant Anderson." "Today, we have the Barrett family... (applause)" "Oh, all right." "...versus the Reynolds family!" "(cheering)" "And they are here for a whole lot of cash, so let's get it on!" "Give me Janet, give me Frank." "(cheering)" "Oh...whoa." "Whoa, I didn't get a good look at you before backstage." "(Janet laughs)" "Sha-booyah roll call." "(whoops)" "Okay,allright,wegot some-some sparks flying already here. (laughs)" "Now, let's get up here and do this." "Come on, Frank, you ready?" "I'mready." "Allright,man." "Top four answers on the board, here:" "Name an animal that we eat but doesn't eat us." "Frank!" "Pig!" "Showmepig!" "(cheering, applause)" "All right, oh, Frank's doing a little dance there." "Now, Frank, you want to pass or play?" "Pass or play?" "Oh,we...we 'llplay." "Play, play, play." "We're gonna play." "Allright,so ,Frank...you  want to tell me a little bit about the family?" "Yeah." "Well, yeah, you know, uh, Grant?" "Yes,Grant." "Iwantto ..." "Iwanttochange my answer." "What?" "Wh...what?" "Why?" "Ihaverealizedit's-it'snot totally accurate, because I've seen a pig eat a man." "In fact, I've seen many pigs eat many men." "It was a bloodbath." "Well,okay,well,wecan'tdo that." "I'm gonna move on, though, 'cause you're losing me here." "(laughing):" "Yeah?" "Oh, Grant... a lighthearted barb, if you will." "So,uh,so ..." "Histalkof pigsand man  flesh is confusing as it is frustrating." "Right." "Don'tyoujustwantto..." "Ihearyou,Ihear you," "Dennis." "Youknow,youhavethese people in your life and you just want to..." "Yeah." "Now, Dennis, uh, why don't you tell me something?" "What do you do?" "Me?" "Oh, well, I am the proprietor of, uh, one of the most charming pubs in all of South" "Philadelphia." "Allright." "Paddy'sPub." "Paddy'sPub!" "Paddy'sPub !" "Paddy's..." "Paddy'sPub." "(cheering)" "Yeah." "Yeah, but listen, I am so much more, Grant." "Um, I'm kind of a jack of all trades, if you will." "Okay." "Sothequestionreallyisn't" ""What do I do?"" "It's "What don't I do?"" "Wow." "Now, there's a lot of confidence right there." "I like that." "I like that, Dennis." "All right." "Yeah." "Hey,buddy,canyou namean animal that we eat but doesn't eat us?" "Oh,easy." "A sea urchin." "Asea...awhatnow?" "Seaurchin." "Seaurchin." "Yeah." "Okay." "Showmeseaurchin!" "(buzzer blares)" "Ooh, one strike." "Oh." "Onestrikeforthe Reynolds here." "Wow,that,uh ,thatbuzzer sounds... it's awfully loud." "Itisloud." "Piercesyourightdownto your soul, doesn't it?" "I don't like it." "Okay." "I'llbefine,though." "You'reright." "All right, thank you." "Okay." "Whodowe havehere?" "Hi." "Hello..." "Deandra." "Yep." "Reynolds." "Deandra, help me out-- name an animal that we eat but doesn't eat us." "Well,Grant,I'lltellyou what..." "Mm-hmm?" "...Iliketo eatcock." "(audience exclaims)" "Whoa,no,no ,no ,no ,no ." "No, we can't say..." "Lisa, are we gonna...?" "SeewhatIdid there?" "It's a little bit of a double entendre type of thing." "I was talking about chicken, but" "I said "cock."" "Yeah,don'tsaythatword ." "Please, I'm-I'm..." "Just, it's a family show, so we're just gonna go with" ""chicken," okay?" "Show me chicken!" "Ow!" "Thereyougo ." "(cheering)" "Okay." "Ronald Reynolds." "Yeah!" "Hello,sir." "Hey!" "Howyoudoingtoday?" "I'mgreat,Grant." "I'm just really excited to be here with my new family." "Oh...yournewfamily?" "Yeah." "Oh, a little bit of background." "Yeah,yeah,yeah." "Uh,actually,justfor  clarification." "Um, he raised them, but he didn't sire them." "Now, he may have sired him-- we're not exactly sure, but they do live together in squalor." "Yeah,yeah." "I actually brought my blood bucket in case you guys want to run his blood and see if it all checks out." "It'd be good to know." "Yeah,ifwe wanttodo,like,  a quick DNA sequencing..." "Yeah." "...atthecommercialbreak, that actually would clear things up for everybody." "Ifwecould." "Itwouldsetthe record straight." "But either way, I was always the odd man out, you know?" "I mean, you know." "And then Frank, here, adopted me and now I'm a part of the" "Reynolds family!" "Okay,well..." "We don't..." "I'm..." "I'm just..." "I'm not even gonna try to figure that one out, so..." "Okay, here-here's the deal, guys: from now on, I'm not gonna ask you guys any more questions at all..." "Yes." "...otherthantheonesthat  keep the game moving." "All right?" "Great!" "Yeah!" "Great!" "(whoops)" "Show me... cow!" "Nope,that'sme ." "I say that word." "I say the "show me" part." "You just give me the answer." "Okay, Ronald?" "Right,I 'msorry." "Show me c..." "Don'tsay"showme. "" "Hejustsaidthat." "Don'tsayit ." "Hejustsaidthat." "Justsaytheanswer." "Show...showme ..is thepart" "I say?" "Here'stheonething... there's only one thing in the whole world at this moment you shouldn't say..." "Mm-hmm?" ""Showme."" "So just give me the answer, and then I'll say sh..." "You know what, go ahead and do it." "Just go ahead and do it, then." "Dowhat?" "Motherof..." "Show me cow!" "Cow!" "(all cheering)" "Goodanswer!" "So,sadlywe gottostay  here." "Okay." "Charlie?" "Yeah?" "Justneedyoutoname an animal..." "Yeah!" "...thatweeatbut doesn't eat us." "Doesn'teatus--that'seasy ." "Dragon!" "Charlie,doyoueat dragon?" "No!" "I don'teatdragon 'cause, uh, it's-it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man." "But they don't eat us; they, uh, it's like a misconception." "They actually eat gold and treasure." "That's why they're always sitting on a big pile of it." "Badanswer." "Badanswer." "Badanswer." "That'sa badanswer." "Okay,showme dragon!" "(Charlie laughing)" "Itoldyou!" "Oh,myGod!" "(Grant laughs)" "Well,astonishingly,uh ,one person surveyed gave the answer dragon, so..." "What a world!" "All right, the Reynolds family has won round one!" "(all cheering)" "There you go, all right." "Sha-booyah!" "Allright." "Sha-booyah!" "Butwegotalotmoreshowto  go!" "It could be anybody's game." "We'll be right back after this with Family Fight!" "(all cheering)" "That'scommercial,guys!" "Back in three." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah,thatwas,uh, thatwas terrible." "I mean, we're bombing out there." "This-this is exactly what I was trying to avoid, guys." "Whatareyoutalkingabout?" "We won that round." "Yeah,butyouwerebeing lascivious and disgusting." "Dee was making sex jokes that were going over like a lead balloon." "Well,atleastwegotallof  our answers right." "Yeah,that-that'sutterly ridiculous." "I mean, how is dragon an answer and sea urchin isn't?" "Everyone knows..." "Idon'tknow,but there's always a weirdo or two in those panels who's gonna give a stupid answer and Charlie's always gonna get those, right?" "So..." "Yeah,I 'llgetthesteal." "Yeah!" "Plus,peopledon'teven really eat sea urchin, Dennis." "Mostpeopledon'teat  dragons." "Well,dragonflies." "Peopledon'teatdragonflies." "(Charlie imitates buzzer)" "Don't make that noise." "I don't like it." "Justrelax,wouldyou ," "Dennis?" "Look, if we make asses out of ourselves, they just won't air the episode, okay?" "Okay,firstof all,you don 't know that, and secondly, don't tell me to relax." "(Mac imitates buzzer)" "All right, don't you start making that noise." "(Frank imitates buzzer)" "All right, it's not funny when they do it, it's definitely not funny when... (Dee imitates buzzer)" "(Dennis yelling)" "(all imitating buzzer)" "Oh, goddamn it!" "(all cheering)" "Andwelcomebackto" "FamilyFight." "We got the Reynolds family over here with a hundred points." "We got the Barretts over here with zero." "Give me Bobby, give me Dennis!" "Herewego !" "Okay." "Hey, Bobby, all right." "All right, somebody got a little, a little lead in his shoes." "Uh,no." "No." "No, my shoes are fine." "I assure you." "They're made of the finest" "Italian leather." "The fit is perfect." "Therefore, there would be no room for lead." "Allright." "The top four answers are on the board." "We asked a hundred people on the street, "Name something people groom themselves with."" "Dennis!" "Laserbeams,Grant." "La-Laserbeams?" "Yeah,laserbeam." "It's the only way to completely obliterate the follicle." "Showmelaserbeam!" "(buzzer blares)" "Oh,yeah,yeah." "That noise, it's too loud." "Can we, can we just turn it down a touch?" "Wecannot,we cannot." "Bobby, you got an answer?" "Igotan answer." "Allright." "Hairbrush!" "Showmehairbrush!" "(dings)" "(cheering)" "Hairbrush,that'sso obvious." "God, that buzzer noise!" "Isn't that just irritating as hell?" "Comeon,we gottothink of a steal here, okay?" "Igotone,Igotone!" "What about, uh, uh, bleaching cream for your facial hair?" "Whatthehell?" "!" "No,no." "I-Igot it." "Drakkar Noir." "Mm,toospecific." "Youknowwhatitis?" "I think it's a bride." "A bride could be a good answer." "(dings)" "What?" "Youcan'tbecomeagroomor get groomed without a bride." "Oh,no,no ..." "Right,right." "That'snot the  kind of grooming they're talking about." "Idon'tknow." "Charlie could be right." "Uh,yeah,I..." "Igotdragon." "No,he'snot,he'snotright !" "Because nobody else is that stupid." "Showmepumicestone!" "(buzzer blares)" "All right, here we go." "Reynolds family for the steal!" "No,no,we 'renotgonnasay that." "Thecomb,acomb!" "I'mgonnago with... toe knife." "Withwhatnow?" "Witha toeknife'causeI-I use a-a sharp blade to dig the scum out of my toenails." "Once in a while, I cut myself, but it puses up and in three days, it's good as new." "Sure." "Toeknife!" "Waymoreinformationthanwe needed, but, uh... show me toe knife." "(buzzer blares)" "Okay, the Barretts win the board!" "There you go!" "All right!" "Okay, let's see-see what that last answer was." "(dings)" "Bride!" "Charliewasright." "Iknewit ." "Doyou,do yougrooma bride, Lisa?" "All right, hey, let's get onto that last round now!" "I need some Dee, I need a little bit of Lester!" "Come on down!" "Okay." "Comeon,Dee!" "(cheering)" "Allright." "Okay,herewe go--top six  answers are on the board." "Name something that people are afraid of." "(all gasping)" "Oh,oopsie-daisy!" "Looks like I, I broke it." "Youthink?" "Oops." "Can'tbelievethat's..." "Ain't never seen anything like that in my life." "What do you got, hands made of anvils?" "(laughter)" "Youwantme to answerthator answer the-- this one?" "Idon'twantyou toanswer either of them, okay?" "Yeah,sorry." "BecauseI don'tknowwho won  because you broke the machine." "Thatmakessense." "Right?" "Okay?" "Itmakessense,yeah." "Okay,everybody,we 'regonna take a couple seconds." "We'll be right back after this." "Okay." "(cheering)" "(buzzer blares)" "Ooh,ooh,ooh!" "Startthinkingof asteal because if we get this one, we win the game." "Allright,allright." "What's the question?" "Thingspeopleareafraidof." "That'sstillthequestion?" "Yeah..." "Howdo younot know how the game works by now?" "Okay,I 'mafraidof gameshow rules." "Youguys,Iknowwhat itis ." "Yeah?" "It'sfailure." "That'stoopathetic." "Liberalyahoostakingmy guns." "That-thatisapolitical firestorm, Frank." "No!" "Oh,oh!" "TheNightman." "Allright,guys,theseare terrible answers, all right?" "Now, normally I would've said the crust on a crème brûlée burning the top of your mouth, but I'm thinking like a commoner now and I really do think that the right answer is probably... clowns." "That'sa goodanswer." "Iknow." "Ifeellikeitcould be Nightman." "No,I feellikeitisn't the Nightman..." "Hecouldbe right,dude." "I'vegotalot ..." "Showmedogs!" "(buzzer blares)" "(Barretts groan)" "God (bleep)!" "Okay, Reynolds, you get a chance to steal and win the whole game right here." "Name something that people are afraid of." "(Frank clears throat)" "We'regonnago with..." "Wait,wait,wait,Frank." "You have to say it in the form of a question." "Whatis...?" "No,youdon't,you don 't... you don't have to do that 'cause it's not Jeopardy." "Ah,it'snotJeopardy." "Allright?" "Say" showme,"Frank." "Don'tsay"showme, "Frank." "Just say the word." "Just say the word." "Showmeclowns!" "Allright." "Show me clowns!" "(cheering)" "Yeah!" "We did it!" "We did it!" "AndtheReynoldswin  the game!" "The Reynolds win the game!" "(chanting):" "Sha-booyah, sha-booyah, sha-booyah, you lose!" "Sha-booyah, sha-booyah, sha-booyah, you lose!" "Allright,okay." "So, anyway... (chuckles) let's take a look at the last one, everybody." ""Nightman."" "Don't know what that is." "Just don't know what it is." "Whatishappening?" "Prettystrangeanswerstoday!" "(audience laughs)" "All right, man." "Uh, we're gonna come right back and play some Fast Money." "We'll see you right after these messages." "(cheering, applause)" "Howthehellwas "Nightman"" "an answer?" "Right." "Dude,I thinkI'mremembering what happened." "I took this survey." "I got interviewed at a mall and" "I thought it was, like, a government thing." "Oh..." "Okay,allright." "Thatmakesalot moresense." "That'sactuallytheonly thing that makes sense." "Right?" "Okay." "So I should play Fast Money, because I'm gonna know all the answers." "No,no,no ,you'reonlygonna know your answers." "And that's only gonna get us one point for every question." "We need to get all the top answers to win Fast Money." "Right,totally,totally." "And then we spin the wheel." "Okay,you'redefinitelynot  gonna play, 'cause you can't understand a thing that's happening." "I'llplay." "No,youwon'tplay,because you've been nothing but gross and foul and polarizing the entire time." "You're embarrassing me in front of the whole nation." "Dee..." "Mmm." "...youandIare gonnaplay ." "Yeah?" "Mm-hmm." "CanI domy fartkeychain?" "Absolutelygoddamnnot." "Okay, now go get something to eat, you look terrible." "No,no,no ,no ,no ,no ." "I'm very hungry, but I'm not gonna blow it now." "This is my close-up." "(sighs)God,don'tbea dumb , hungry bitch the entire time." "Guys,we'reback." "Ooh!" "Okay,allright,you 'regoing first, Dee, you're going first." "Comeon,Dee,go, Dee !" "Herewego ." "(applause, cheering)" "Allright,we arebackwith" "Fast Money, here with Dee" "Reynolds." "But first, there's somebody who wants to say something to you." "CRICKET:" "Hey,Reynolds family!" "Win $20,000 and bring home the money for Paddy's Pub!" "(chuckles)" "Yeah, all right." "I'm done dancing like a monkey." "Give me my five bucks, Charlie." "(audience exclaiming)" "Ha-ha,wow!" "That was a rough video, right there." "That dude is hard on the eyes." "Yeah." "He's all burned up." "Wecouldn'tgetanybodyelse ?" "(chuckles)No." "Okay,youready,Dee ?" "Oh,youbetterbelieveit." "But, uh..." "Mm-hmm?" "...first,holdon a...hold on a second, there's, um..." "Yeah?" "There's,uh..." "Youokay?" "Ooh!" "Yeah." "Youallright?" "Uh,yes...there'sa...just  a quick bit I wanted to, uh..." "Oof." "(audience exclaims)" "(farting noises)" "Oh,whoops-a-daisy." "(laughs)" "(farting noises continue)" "That'saboutas low-browas it gets." "Yeah,Dennisisn'tgonnalike  that." "It'sprettyfunny,though." "Okay,newplan." "(audience cheering)" "Allright." "So we're back here with, uh," "Fast Money here." "Uh, now we got Frank doing it, 'cause... people just be fainting' up in here, so, okay, give me 30 seconds on the clock." "Name something you thought existed when you were a child." "SantaClaus." "Namesomethingyoumightfind  in a bathtub." "Soap!" "Namesomethingpeopleadd  sugar to." "Coffee." "Athingyouassociatewith" "Charlie Chaplin." "Littlemustache." "Namea foreigncountrywhose films are popular in America." "France." "(cheering)" "Damn!" "You did it, man..." "Oh,oh,thatwas sogood !" "That was so good, Frank!" "Hey,youready?" "Yeah,I 'mready." "Frankdidgreat." "Frank?" "Yeah,uh,Deepassedout." "She...ofcourseshe did ." "She's so embarrassing." "Right." "Allright,herewego, everybody." "We're gonna bring Dennis out right now." "Here he is, Dennis Reynolds." "Here we go." "Yeah,Dennis." "Allright." "Okay." "Now, Dennis..." "Frank got the number one answer for every single question, so you only need five points to win the game." "Okay?" "Okay,I cando it ." "Now, Grant, listen, I know I gave some bad answers before..." "Yes." "...butI understandthegame perfectly now, and, uh, that does not represent me." "Okay,I likethat." "Okay?" "SoI'mreadytogive good answers." "Ilikethat." "Thatdoesrepresentme." "Allright,thatsoundsgood , that sounds good." "If you repeat any of Frank's answers, you're gonna hear this sound... (buzzer blares) ...and then..." "Thoughtweweredonewith the buzzer." "Onlyifyourepeatananswer." "Eveninthisround?" "Yes,evenin thisround." "Yep." "Mm-hmm." "Ifyoudon'tknowananswer, you can say "pass" and we'll just move on to the next question." "Okay." "Allright,areyou ready?" "Yes,yes." "30secondson theclock." "Name something you thought existed when you were a child." "SantaClaus." "(buzzer blares)" "Oh, God... uh, pass." "Namesomethingyoumightfind  in a bathtub." "S...uh,soap." "(buzzer blares)" "Ah!" "God, I really hate that buzzer." "Can we not do that?" "Clock'sticking,clock's ticking." "Okay,uh,pass." "Namesomethingpeopleadd  sugar to." "God...coffee." "(buzzer blares)" "Oh, God..." "Nope,wegotta...weneed  an answer." "Yeah,no,no ,okay,no, then pass, then pass, 'cause..." "Athingyouassociatewith" "Charlie Chaplin." "Mmm...pass." "Okay,nameaforeigncountry whose films are popular in" "America." "France." "(buzzer blares)" "Oh, God, no, no!" "Alreadysaidthat." "Oh,God,France." "(buzzer blares)" "France." "France." "France." "That'sstillnotthe answer." "Littlemustache." "Soap, soap, France." "(buzzer blaring)" "Somethingelse!" "Itwon'tstop!" "Hesaidthatalready." "Don't say "France."" "Giveup." "(Dennis sobbing)" "Allright,Ihaveneverseen a more embarrassing display in my entire career." "Oh,pleasedon'tair this." "Okay?" "Please don't... don't air this... you won't air this, right?" "Oh,no,no ,we definitelyair  it." "We always air it." "No matter what, we air it." "That's how we do it, my friend." "Itjustwentsowrong..." "Goodnight,everybody!" "Thanks for joining us here on" "FamilyFight!" "Take care." "(audience applauding, cheering)" "(Dennis sobbing)" "Why'dtheyhavetoairthat part?" "Thatwastheend part." "Thebestpart." "Yeah,theyairthe whole show." "(Dennis sobbing)" "Thisdoesn'trepresentme,  though." "This doesn't represent me." "That's not who I am." "So just don't air it." "It's the buzzer that was..." "That just doesn't represent me." "So just don't air it!" "(trio chanting backwards)"