"Joe Blake and Terry Collins... this is Lieutenant McCormick... of the Los Angeles Police Department." "Put down your weapons and come out of the bank... with your hands in the air." "One last big heist." "What a great idea." "Yeah, Joe knows best." "Yes, sirree, Joe knows exactly what he's doing... exactly what he's doing." "And what does Joe get me?" "Stuck in a bank called the Alamo... surrounded by the entire Los Angeles Police Department." "Look out there." "Remember now, people... these guys haven't been prone to violence yet... in any of these incidents." "So everybody just stay real calm, all right?" "Joe Blake and Terry Collins have finally met their match." "I think they're running out of luck very quickly." "They're gonna need more tricks up their sleeve... than Siegfried and Roy... if they think they're gonna get out of this one." "If you're just tuning in, we're in front... of the Alamo Savings and Loan right here in Century City." "The place looks like a war zone." "The, uh, the troops are moving in here." "The SWATteam is moving in." "The helicopters are moving in." "Lao-tzu says that even the softest of things... can pass through a horse like invisible water." "Thank you... for that completely useless bit of information, Joe." "You know what your problem is, huh?" "My problem?" "Yeah. I'm trapped like a rat!" "Destined for an early grave." "Kate Wheeler." "You remember Kate." "Traitor... liar... queen of double cross... empress of deceit." "Hey, duchess, OK, I get your point, all right?" "Oh, do you, Joe?" "Do you really?" "Because as I recall... I remember warning you... in the strongest language possible... that taking on a full-time hostage... was an error of epic proportions." "We had no choice, OK?" "Yes, we did." "Shoot her and bury her body in the woods." "That was a choice." "Hey, you brought her in, OK?" "I recall that!" "You know what?" "If we'd have let her go... she'd have gone right to the cops, OK?" "Joe, look outside." "She did." "That's exactly what she did." "Kate Wheeler's gonna get... the thanks of a grateful nation... not to mention a sizable reward." "We've got shots fired in the location." "Good evening, everybody." "I'm Darren Head... and tonight we have an incredible story for you." "It's a story that's part soap opera, part crime drama... a story of betrayal and greed." "It's part Bonnie and Clyde... it's part Barnum  Bailey." "It's the story of Joe Blake and Terry Collins... the most successful bank robbers... in the history of the United States." "Now, shortly before the bloody shootout... that took their lives... I had the opportunity to interviewthese men... in an exclusive interview... when they broke into my house... and by gunpoint... made me tell their story... from their point of view." "Now, the reason I bring this up... is that the footage you're about to see... was shot on a home video camera by my personal assistant Julio." "So it's a little shaky and a little wobbly... not exactly professional." "Now, what happened in the wide-ranging exchange is..." "Blake and Collins revealed to me for the first time anywhere... the inside story... of the daring robberies that made them so famous." "24 hours later, Blake and Collins were dead... and we have an exclusive" "OK." "Again." "24 hours later, Blake and Collins were dead." "So tonight on a very special edition... of "Criminals at Large"... the inside story, the true story... of the Sleepover Bandits." "And...fade to black." "That was great, guys." "We're gonna keep that one." "All right." "Cut it." "We'll use that with the "B" roll." "Got it." "Roll!" "Don't quit on me, brother." "It's ridiculous." "If it's not one thing, it's another." "If it's not downright apathy, it's just meanness." "Total meanness." "Can't get any support from anybody." "Nobody else has to eat this crap like I do." "You got to jab to spar, man." "Hey, Joe." "Joe... may I have a word with you, please?" "Hey, Joe." "It's a violation of my civil rights." "That's what it is." "Cruel and unusual punishment... expressly forbidden by the Constitution, you hear?" "Prison is supposed to be cruel and unusual, Terry." "That's the whole idea." "That's not what I'm talking about." "What are you talking about?" "Garlic." "Warden Currier has banned the sale... of fresh garlic in the commissary... because he doesn't like the smell." "You see, Joe... it's like a-- it's a miracle drug." "High blood pressure and arthritis... and cancer... emphysema... allergies, anything." "Garlic is the first line of defense, always." "Hold on one second, Mario." "You see what I'm saying?" "And I've got symptoms." "I don't care what that doctor says." "Maybe now's not a good time to talk about garlic?" "Hey, Joe." "You--you know, don't worry about it." "Once you come down out of the ring... don't do what I think you're gonna do, please." "You remember what I told you, right, Joe?" "Don't--don't-- uh, don't do the, uh" "You really chipped my tooth, Mario." "Joe, for God's sake." "Joe." "Joe, wait." "Joe, hey." "Joe, anger management." "Anger mana--Joe!" "Anger management!" "Joe." "Calm down." "Breathe." "You ever read the "Tao"?" "I'm sorry?" "You know, the guy, uh, Lao..." "Lay, uh, Lo-wi..." "Lu..." "Lao-tzu." "There you go." "Lao-tzu." "You know, Joe, I begged you to stay out of the library." "You begged me to work on my anger management." "Yeah, well, medication's quicker." "It's much more effective." "You know what?" "I would like to sleep in a comfortable bed tonight." "I'd like to have me a cheeseburger... french fries... a big old chocolate milk shake for dinner." "Ancient Chinese wisdom?" "No." "Just hungry." "Hold up." "I definitely chipped my tooth." "For the love of God... does no one else hear that infernal ringing?" "Oh, yeah, sure, go ahead and laugh... but according to the latest research... tinnitus, which is what they call it-- that's what I've got in my ear-- l don't make this shit up" "is an actual disease." "Go ahead and laugh... play basketball, have fun." "In the meantime... I've got goddamn Quasimodo going off in my head-- bell tower, you understand me?" "I got a bell tower in my head!" "Hey, you the driver of this thing?" "Yeah." "Pretty easy to drive, is it?" "Pretty easy." "Uh-huh." "Joe?" "Oh, my God." "Joe, what are you doing in a cement truck?" "Joe?" "Joe, what am I doing?" "Why are we in the concrete thing... getting shot at?" "Just keep your head down!" "Joe!" "Take it down!" "Joe." "Jesus." "There's, like, a truck!" "Joe, Joe!" "How long you been planning this?" "Just sort of came up." "Hang on to something." "Deer!" "Plastic." "Don't you think we should be looking for a road?" "Joe." "Stop." "Stop, please." "Ma'am." "Uh-huh?" "We're gonna need to borrow your car." "You are?" "Yes." "Would you just unhook your seat belt, please?" "Come on." "Here you go." "Very nice." "Thank you." "That's a really lovely dress." "Thank you." "Come on." "Thank you." "Get in the car." "OK." "Ma'am." "Yes?" "Don't forget your purse." "Thank you." "OK, first things first." "We need, uh--what do we need?" "We need clothes." "We're gonna need money." "A place to hide." "We better get a new car pretty quick." "I don't feel good about driving down Main Street... wearing clothes that say inmate, you know what I mean?" "Hey, why are we stopping here?" "This is where they keep the cash." "Hey!" "Stupid!" "What cash?" "Didn't you say something about needing money?" "Well, yeah, but, I mean, not right now." "Look, Joe, let's just discuss this for a minute, OK?" "I mean, I knowthat money's on the list... but it's not at the top of the list." "Bingo!" "Bingo what?" "What do you mean, bingo?" "Are you gonna knock over a bank with a magic marker?" "I mean, what are you gonna do, write on them?" "We don't even have a plan." "You have to have some kind of plan... to rob a bank." "We're wearing matching denim uniforms... that say inmate on them." "Unless these people are blind... I don't think this is gonna work, you understand?" "Don't move." "Take out your gun... thumb and middle finger on the butt." "Hand it to me slowly." "Here we go." "Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be out of your way... in just a second." "No phone calls, no alarms, please." "Cash drawers open." "Take a bag, fill it with cash." "Cash, please." "Ma'am, is there any other cash in the back?" "No." "Don't touch that phone, sir." "Are you sure?" "l'm positive." "Don't touch that." "Are you telling me the truth?" "I'm telling you the truth." "You look very honest." "Quickly, please." "Thank you." "He made no plan whatsoever for this." "Here we go." "Put that right in there." "We'll take that." "Thank you." "Thank you, thank you." "I'll take that." "Here we go." "OK." "Thank you very much." "Oh, there's just never enough time when you're working." "Thank you for your cooperation." "No phone calls, no alarms." "Here we go." "Come on." "Take that." "Take this." "Sir, in case you need to highlight anything." "Here we go." "Come on." "Hey, hey, hey." "Stop, stop." "Hey, hey." "Whoa, ho, ho, ho!" "What?" "Sir, we need to borrow your car." "Find a bus, asshole." "Hey, come over here." "This car." "You got the gun?" "No." "Come back here, goddamn it." "Hold it!" "Come on." "Sit up and act regular." "Hold it right there." "Chest pain... left arm a little numb... accelerated heartbeat, spots." "I'm actually seeing spots." "Hang on." "I'm feeling nauseous." "Out!" "Are you all right?" "May I please go back to prison?" "Not yet." "Oh, shit!" "What's your name?" "Cheri." "Zip up your pants, Cheri." "You, too." "I'm Phil." "So where's your mom, Cheri?" "My mom doesn't live here anymore." "And your dad?" "Oh, he's fishing for the weekend." "So your dad left you here all alone." "Oh, no." "He thinks I'm at a friend's house." "And how about you, Scooter?" "Oh, I told my folks I had a soccer trip." "You lied to your parents?" "Oh, you're kidding, right?" "No, I'm not kidding." "I'm sorry... who are you guys?" "Hey, you're inmates." "What did you say your name was?" "Uh, Phil." "You think there's something funny... about being an inmate, Phil?" "We're bank robbers, OK?" "So what's on our mind?" "Parizo Del Mar." "Parizo?" "Paradise." "My uncle owns this little hotel on the water... about 100 miles south of Acapulco." "That's Mexico." "Right." "That's where they keep Acapulco, Terry." "But I have sanitation issues, Joe." "We'll buy the hotel... turn it into a nightclub and resort." "I could wear a tuxedo... sell margaritas to the tourists." "We could have some fun." "You'd do that?" "I mean, you and me?" "Yeah." "Partners?" "Partners." "Tuxedos and margaritas?" "Good, right?" "Yeah." "I can run the kitchen." "You can work the room." "It's a high-risk business, but, I mean... considering the alternatives... I got to say I think that sounds really good." "I just have one question." "How do we pay for it?" "Well... we are bank robbers." "So where is it?" "Below my belt and above my knees." "You know what I mean." "You are gonna get us killed." "Maybe I'll save the day... and we'll both be rich and famous and on TV." "I think there's a way to do it right." "I'm sure of it." "So, where is it?" "In Daddy's closet, behind the golf clubs." "All right. I'm going." "What's the biggest problem every time you rob a bank?" "Getting caught?" "Exactly." "There's guards to shoot at you." "There's tellers to hit alarms." "There's customers to get in the way, right?" "Right." "You need to control the environment-- no guards, no tellers, no customers." "Yeah, but if you work at night... you still got to deal with the alarms." "But we don't work at night." "When do you do it?" "Holidays?" "No." "We do it with the bank manager... in the morning, with the bank manager's keys... and the bank manager's vault codes... because we kidnap him the night before." "I mean, think about it." "We pick a town." "We pick a bank." "We find out who's in charge." "We pay him a little visit." "We spend the night with him, like we are here." "The next morning, we all go to work together... before anybody else gets there." "And we take the money and run." "Tuxedos and margaritas, Joe, just like you said." "Life will be like one big sunset." "Want to see something neat?" "Aim the shotgun at me." "What?" "Aim it at me." "Freeze?" "Pretty good." "But first you got to pump a shell into the chamber... like this." "Neat." "The conversation is over, all right?" "Well, I feel good in this collar-- l've always liked this kind of collar-- but you boned me on the pants, Joe." "It's really not fair." "It's a low blow." "I picked those pants out for me." "I laid them out." "I specifically chose those." "Well, well, look at you gentlemen." "Are the clothes all right?" "Aren't we looking a bit spiffy in plaid?" "Oh, he likes plaid." "Two sugars, right?" "Thank you very much." "Cheri, we're gonna have to borrow Phil's car." "That's OK." "He doesn't mind." "The hell I don't." "That's a newtransmission." "So where are we headed?" "Rufus." "Where's Rufus?" "It's up the road a little ways." "What's at Rufus?" "Pollard..." "Harvey Pollard." "What?" "Oh, you feel the need to shoot?" "Well, go ahead and shoot, then." "What, you feel the need to shoot?" "Well, go ahead and shoot, then." "Oh, to hell with it." "Feel the need" "Draw!" "Dog!" "Joe!" "Joe?" "Joe." "What's up?" "I thought you were still in" "No, got out early." "Terry... say hello to my cousin Harvey Pollard." "Glad to know you." "Any friend of Joe's, man..." "Was it Harry?" "Terry." "Those are wicked pants." "So, what are you doing?" "Working?" "Special effects-- well, stunt work, primarily." "Mostly training right now." "Damn squibs won't fire." "We're looking for somebody who can handle a car." "I can do that." "Why?" "Banks." "You're fooling with me." "Well, hell, Joe, I'm just the man you're looking for." "You want a beer?" "Yeah, I'll take a beer." "Timer malfunction." "Draw!" "I'm gonna get a beer." "He's honest... and he falls real good." "Me, I'm gonna make a name for myself in fire." "I've been practicing with gels-- you know, mostly on my hands... but I need a suit." "Harvey, speaking of the job" "You ever wonder why a man would set himself on fire... and jump off the top of a twelve-story building?" "Gosh, no, I didn't, Harv." "Women love a man who loves danger." "You guys were talking about before--about the frontman." "You kept mentioning this guy." "Will you explain to the people at home--and to me-- what exactly the frontman does and who he is?" "Well, Darren... the frontman handles pretty much everything else... except robbing the bank." "He rents the rooms." "He gets the supplies, the food that, you know, we would eat." "He drives the getaway car." "Joe and I maintain what you call a low profile." "Right." "If the frontman is never seen in a bank... we're never seen out of one." "I plotted all the banks that we would rob... from Oregon to California." "Our first bank on the list was the Oregon City Bank." "So the schedules and the routines... and the bank guards, the tellers, everything-- we got it all down... but mostly we watched our first hostage..." "Darill Miller, the bank president... who didn't know it yet... but he was about to spend the night... with the Sleepover Bandits." "That sounded good, right?" "Yeah, it's pretty" ""Didn't know it yet, but he was about to spend the night..." ""with the Sleepover Bandits."" "It's very newsworthy." "Look. it's his job, all right?" "I asked him to get me a good mustache... and he gives me something that looks like... it come out of a Cracker Jack box." "This is not about the mustache." "We're going to work." "He got you a nice wig." "Look at you." "You look great." "Have you noticed the burns?" "They're kind of flapping." "Hon, can you get the door?" "Everybody, dinner in a half-hour!" "Howdy." "We're here to rob your goddamn bank." "Now just get in there." "It's OK, Mommy." "The important thing here" "The important thing to remember" "The important thing... is that we spend a quiet night together... and then tomorrow morning, bright and early... we all go down to the bank together and-- it's really a reasonable proposition... if you think about it." "Sure." "Whatever you say." "That's the spirit." "Stop playing with your food, Erika." "But it's too long." "Here." "Next time I want you to try to wrap it around your fork... just like Daddy does." "Cut mine, Mom." "Just a second, hon." "The sauce is too red." "It's not too red." "Yes, it is." "The sauce is too red." "You know, actually, Mrs. Miller... this sauce is quite terrific." "lt's delicious." "lsn't it?" "I hate it." "Thank you." "What time's the vault set for?" "7:30." "Tomato lemon?" "Lemon zest, oregano, a little cream-- see, I cook a little." "Keys?" "Two." "I have one." "The operations officer has the other one." "There's something in here I can't identify, though." "is it basil?" "Rosemary?" "No, don't tell me." "It's not that big of a deal." "It's saffron." "Yes, it's saffron." "Bingo. I knew it." "You know, sometimes I put a little sugar in mine." "It cuts the acidity." "Sugar." "Thank you. I'll... try to remember that." "Little tricks, you know." "Want to see something cool that I can do?" "Sure." "Monica." "What?" "We've got guests...sort of." "You really think you're gonna fool anybody in that getup?" "I mean, you look like Neil Young from that-- what was that album?" ""After the Horses" or... lt was "After the Gold Rush," and that's not the one." "It's the one where he's leaning... against a tree in the snow or whatever." "That's what I was actually going for." "Getting out of the bank is almost as important... as getting into it." "The hostages were kept under the strictest possible guard... to prevent escape or alarm of any type, you see?" "See, we had to bring their kids along... the Miller children." "Butane?" "Copy." "This is Butane." "You're all clear and ready to rock and roll." "Please turn your music down." "I can't hear a word you said." "You're ready to rock and roll!" "Thank you." "OK, girls." "You just stay right here." "Everybody should be here in ten minutes." "What's the all clear?" "What's that?" "Washington...on the inside." "What?" "George Washington." "When it's all clear, he's facing in." "Make it all clear, Darill." "Cool." "Three more." "Good morning." "Good morning, Darill." "Good morning." "Good morning, ladies." "is this a joke?" "No, ma'am." "This is a bank robbery." "Hurry it up." "It's not a parade." "Come on." "All righty, then." "Just have a seat with everybody else." "It's not gonna take long." "Monica?" "I have to go to the bathroom." "No more juice boxes, Cloe, OK?" "If it weren't for the fact that the kids had bladders... the size of hummingbirds... it would have been done..." "Well, they drank a lot of juice." "One of these days, you're gonna get caught." "It's a very dangerous job." "Aren't you ever scared and afraid?" "When you know danger the way we do-- l know it like an animal, like a wild animal." "You know what they call me in jail?" "No, I don't." "The panther." "Ladies and gentlemen... thank you very much for your cooperation." "Please make no attempt to escape... because we will be monitoring the police scanners... and we'll kill you if you do." "When you're a well-oiled machine... you exude danger." "Sure." "People fear you." "They fear your presence." "The gun, really, is secondary." "Thank you." "Now listen." "We go our separate ways." "Two weeks from today, we meet" "Klamath Falls." "Klamath Falls, right." "You take this map." "It's on there." "I want to go with Joe." "You can't do that." "You can't." "They're looking for two men... and that's why we're splitting up... and going solo as planned." "What am I supposed to do for two weeks?" "You stay out of trouble." "Try that." "What about the minivan?" "You leave it here." "I like the minivan." "It's roomy." "I appreciate that, but as it's a stolen minivan... it's probably better that you leave it here." "Let's go." "We got to go." "Come on." "Well, what about my money?" "There's yours right there." "We split it three ways, nothing fancy." "I'm gonna buy me a fire suit, first thing." "I bet I can mail-order one out of L.A." "Way to go." "Good job, man." "You, too, buddy." "We did it." "Be careful." "Stay out of trouble." "What are you gonna buy with your shares?" "Paradise." "Two weeks." "Klamath Falls." "Be careful!" "Joe Blake and Terry Collins... this is Lieutenant McCormick... of the Los Angeles Police Department." "Put down your weapons and come out of the bank... with your hands in the air." "This could be a bad time... but I just want to point out that I did warn you that... that woman was gonna be the ruin of us." "Right." "Understood." "But as our future looks rather bleak and miserable... I suggest we figure out what got us here... in the first place... which brings us back to that woman." "The most common symptom of vaginitis... is an abnormal vaginal discharge, often probably from an allergic reaction to mites." "Out of gas." "Shit." "What is that smell?" "It's a gratin with Florence fennel... new potatoes... clam and sorrel soup with cream and mirepoix... and stuffed quail." "Kate, I have a dinner tonight-- clients." "Tonight?" "Oh, well, it's just for fun." "I'm going to the gym." "See you." "Sweetheart?" "Yeah?" "Why don't you go see a movie?" "We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I really need you tonight" "Once upon a time, I was falling in love" "Stop!" "Oh, my God!" "Are you all right?" "Are you OK?" "Come on." "I'm so sorry." "Come on." "Hospital, hospital." "Cascade Memorial Hospital is located at..." "Can you wiggle your toes?" "Voices." "22nd Avenue..." "Hearing voices." "Where are the voices?" "Are they" "Are those in my" "Hey, wait." "Uh, hey." "You pull-- You pull" "You pull over and" "You pull over and get out of the car." "You don't have to get all huffy about it." "You need to pull the car over." "It was an accident." "Listen." "I'll shoot you with this thing." "Oh, go ahead." "It'll be an improvement, believe me." "Will you listen to me, miss?" "Kate." "Kate." "I'm a desperate man." "Desperate?" "Yes." "You don't know the meaning of the word." "Desperate is when you wake up in the morning... and you wish you hadn't." "It's knowing that every time you get behind the wheel of a car... you're only a tree away from ending the empty charade... that your life has become." "So don't talk to me about desperate." "Listen." "On second thought, why don't you just pull over... and let me out right here?" "Thank you for the lift, but I'll be fine." "No." "No!" "l'll walk from here." "Why?" "I'm feeling very fragile at the moment." "I don't think I should be alone." "You're insane!" "I'm unhappy." "It's not the same thing." "Hey. I'm a fugitive from justice." "I'm a dangerous criminal." "Oh, well, that explains the hijacking." "You hit me." "You can't expect to step in front of a moving automobile... and make it stop." "Yes, you can." "I've seen it done." "Would you not yell at me?" "Well, can you slow down or something?" "I want to get out of here." "I'll jump." "That's what I'm gonna do." "How do you unlock this door?" "Push a button." "Let--Let" "Unlock this door." "So where you headed?" "I'll drop you." "I mean, you're in no shape to drive." "So you're a fugitive, huh?" "What did you do wrong?" "Everything." "Alert." "Your global positioning system is rerouting." "Where is that coming from?" "What is that?" "Between the second set of trees." "The second set of trees, right here." "Look at me!" "I'm on fire!" "Just don't ask." "Lookee!" "Yeah!" "What the hell is this?" "Kate, Paul Bunyan." "Paul, Kate." "Kate?" "I ran out of gas." "And?" "And she hit me with her car." "OK." "She hit you with her car." "What the hell did you bring her out here for?" "Well, one, I had no choice." "Two, I may have suffered a slight concussion." "And three, she's mentally unbalanced... to a spectacular degree." "I can hear you." "I tried to escape." "She wouldn't stop." "I almost jumped from a speeding car, Joe." "Do you hear me?" "I had double vision." "What was I gonna do?" "Your left eye's a fraction darker than your right one." "Nobody ever noticed." "I'm Joe." "I'm Kate." "Oh, what happened to your tooth?" "All right." "OK." "Why don't you just get on your way, OK?" "Act like you never met us." "Send us a postcard from Crazy Town." "Can I stay here?" "Just that I don't know where else to go." "It'll only be one night." "Please?" "I'm not sure we can do that." "Absolutely no way." "There's" "That's not possible." "I can't go home." "I can't." "I could go to the police." "I mean, what's to stop me leading them... straight to your hideout?" "What are you hiding from, anyway?" "I mean, he wouldn't tell me." "He's very, very discreet." "Come here, Joe." "Come here." "What are you-- What's with the pulling?" "l want to talk with you." "What's that?" "Jeez, this is a very, very bad idea." "In the history of bad ideas, this is a humdinger, OK?" "No." "She's right about the police." "Shoot her." "Bury her body in the woods." "What am I, invisible?" "She said she doesn't have anyplace to stay." "It's none of our business." "It is nowthat you brought her here, isn't it?" "Well, I needed a ride, OK?" "I mean, there I was, sprawled out on the asphalt, OK?" "You knowthe hardest thing about being smart?" "No." "I always pretty much know what's gonna happen next." "There's no suspense." "And don't think I didn't see... the look in your eye over there... and feeling her little hair and all that kind of stuff." "I'm implementing a 24-hour rule from now on, OK?" "It's in effect." "Twenty-four hours." "Twenty-four hours and not a minute longer, missy." "Thank you." ""Missy."" "Hey. I'll cook dinner." "I cook the dinners around here." "Sorry." "Not familiar with the outlaw code." "Does that mean I'm a hostage?" "Well, I was in Las Vegas." "Don't get excited." "I'm not talking to you." "Well, Joe, you knowthe costs." "Hotel remodeling, real estate." "I've estimated $20,000 for the kitchen alone." "I mean, we're talking about restaurant quality here... and that's not to mention the nightclub." "You know, I got a crippled cousin up in New Hampshire... that's going in for her seventh operation on her leg, OK?" "I got my mother's people up in Ottawa... the aunts and the uncles." "These bills add up, Terry, OK?" "I'm duly impressed by any and all charitable contributions." "How crippled?" "Did you know you could bet on Irish hurling?" "Hey, hey, hey." "Excuse me, Harvey." "I'm trying to figure out why my partner here... when he wasn't helping improve... the Blake family standard of living... managed to spend $200,000." "I met a very lovely young lady from the Netherlands... down in San Diego..." "Oh, color me surprised." "who took me to this Oktoberfest deal... and they had a big parade... and she wanted to ride on one of the floats, OK?" "So I bought her one." "Now, we're drinking these big steins of Holland beer... and one thing leads to another, and I'm throwing 50-dollar bills out to the crowd." "The thing about Irish hurling... is that it's like football with sticks." "Stop it." "Stop it, please, for God's sake, Pollard, OK?" "OK." "You meet a girl." "You go to a festival." "October festival." "Oktoberfest." "You throw 50-dollar bills to the crowd." "I notice you got a new gold watch." "This is an 18-karat gold watch." "I don't give a shit how many karats it is." "Thirty-six grand." "It's no big deal." "Did you ever think about asking somebody for the time?" "It's a lot cheaper." "Anything else?" "Well, yeah." "We stayed a couple days longer than I thought we were gonna... down in San Diego... and I had to get her back to the Netherlands... so I chartered a private jet to take her home." "Oh, of course you did." "The Netherlands." "Yeah." "Joe." "What?" "Listen." "Let me try to explain something to you." "Paradise doesn't come cheaply, OK?" "Now, I've figured this down to the last nickel." "Now, and here's the important part... every nickel that we spend... is a nickel that we have to steal." "Now, that's a lot of nickels, Joe." "I don't want to rob banks for the rest of my life." "The stress level is just too damned high." "Harvey?" "Joe?" "Dinner's almost ready." "Now, this is not bad." "It's a little-- lt's a little chewy, but" "You boys ever eat and talk at the same time?" "We used to." "So, what sort of work do you do, crimewise?" "Bank robbery." "Well, they rob banks." "I drive the getaway car." "Harvey." "That's enough, Harvey." "Wait a minute." "You're not the-- the guys who go to the bank manager's house... you know, the night before, and you" "They do." "I drive the getaway car." "Harvey!" "For the love of God." "You're the Sleepover Bandits." "Oh, my God, you're practically famous." "The Sleepover Bandits?" "That's us?" "Don't you watch "Criminals at Large"?" "You should." "They're watching you." "You're astounding, Harvey." "So... you rob banks." "Well, that's impressive." "What, some little old ladies' savings accounts... and Cub Scout dues and homeless orphan Christmas funds?" "is that what" "We never stole a penny from anybody who earned it, lady." "That money's federally insured by the government." "The government steals money from people... and we just take it back from them." "Any more questions, Kate?" "Got a spare toothbrush?" "Didn't have time to pack." "God, nobody could be that sick." "Put that down." "May I?" "What are you doing here?" "Cleaning my teeth." "I mean, manic depression... delusion, I understand all of that." "It's very impressive, but" "Do you know how many germs are on your finger?" "That kind of defeats the purpose." "Well, if you don't give me a toothbrush... I don't have much option, do I?" "I don't think you're crazy at all, you knowthat?" "I think you're bored." "I think you're bored with your life... and you're expecting that some miracle's... gonna drop out of the sky... and suddenly make everything better... or at least hopeful because you lost hope a long time ago... and your marriage sucks." "But I'm sorry, Kate." "We can't help you." "You don't know me." "You only think you do." "You're joking." "Saw it in a movie." "How does it end?" "With a wedding." "Beavers and ducks!" "Suckers." "I'm not waiting for anything to fall out of the sky." "I'm not bored. I'm angry." "Maybe he's right about running out of hope." "It's not entirely my fault." "It's just that I picked the wrong life." "The valley spirit is a woman." "Use her root at the gateway of heaven... and it will never fail." "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Not a clue." "I'm hoping that it means... figure out what you want and just take it." "Oh, please." "What, like robbing a bank?" "Like that." "Yeah." "If only life were that simple." "Like a shadow on me all of the time I don't know what to do." "I'm always in the dark." "We're living in a powder keg, giving off sparks." "Once upon a time, I was falling in love." "Now I'm only falling apart." "Nothing I can do." "Total eclipse of the heart." "Once upon a time, there was light in my life." "Nowthere's only love in the dark." "Nothing I can do." "Total eclipse of the heart." "Oh, my God." "Give me a break." "Turn around, bright eyes." "I can't believe you knowthat song." "Yeah." "Bonnie Tyler." ""Total Eclipse of the Heart."" "It's the ultimate sappy chick song." "lt's not a sappy chick song." "lt's very sappy." "No, it's not." "Oh, please don't argue." "I'm having a really hard day." "This is the song that all girls sing-- lt is an epic haiku to the" "A what?" "It's a haiku to the complexity of love." "It's also pretty embarrassing for guys." "When that song was out, I used to listen to it on the radio." "I have to admit, I would get a little misty." "Really?" "Yeah, a little... and I would appreciate it if you didn't mention that to anyone." "I won't tell a soul." "Thanks." "That's all right. I'll get it." "Oh, I'll get it." "No, no." "Why don't you just stay under the covers there?" "You know what other song jacked me up when I was a kid?" "That song about the pony, "Wildfire."" "You knowthat song?" "Oh, I love that pony song." "You do?" "l love all pony songs." "Really?" "You know" "Yeah." "It's the one that goes..." "Ride, pony, ride" "That's "Mustang Sally."" "Close. lt's a horse." "Wasn't the pony called Sally?" "No." "This pony was called Wildfire." "He busted down the stall." "Busted down his stall" "You don't remember that?" "And they called him "Wildfire."" "Joe?" "Yeah." "I think I know what I want." "Amazing." "Joe, the 24-hour rule... is all that stands between us and chaos." "Are you listening to me?" "We're at kind of a crossroads here... and I want you to be very clear about my meaning." "I'm changing the 24-hour rule, OK?" "No, no, no." "You don't understand." "She's a missing person." "Missing, meaning that someone's looking for her." "You get it?" "I'm changing the 24-hour rule." "May I help you?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "We're here to rob your bank." "What the hell is that?" "It's a disorder that affects your ability... to regulate sleep and wakefulness." "I thought he was dead." "No." "That's cataplexy, a secondary symptom... sudden loss of voluntary muscle control." "I just have one question." "Why now?" "In Lare's case, emotional stress is the primary ignitor." "Do you have a guest bedroom here, ma'am?" "Now we're just gonna ask you to step right over here... in the manager's office." "Go ahead." "You never know what's gonna happen during a robbery." "That's the thing." "Sure, sure." "There's always a surprise of some kind... I mean, you know, beyond your control... but, I mean, the thing is that you have to remain calm..." "under pressure..." "That's right." "and think on your feet." "No, no." "All I'm saying is it just seems a little silly... falling asleep during a bank robbery." "Well, it may appear silly to you... but there's a perfectly reasonable explanation." "Done." "I'm sorry. I'm a little nervous." "It's OK, Larry." "There's nothing to be nervous about." "You see, my body chemistry is extraordinarily sensitive... to suggestion." "Any symptom can be manufactured, given the right circumstances... and that, by the way, doesn't mean that it isn't real." "Jesus, this stuff is hot." "Go get Mrs. Fife." "So I met this girl... and, you know, I wanted to impress her, so I said..." ""You want to see me light my hands on fire?"" "You know, because I bet she'd never seen... anything like that before... and she said, "Well, what about your head?"" "l said, "Look--"" "Your head?" "Yeah, my head." "Like, I don't have the proper gear... for that kind of stunt, at least not yet." "I said, "No way," but she wouldn't listen, you know?" "Flaming hands wasn't enough." "She wanted to see me set my head on fire." "So what did you do?" "Singed off half my hair." "Little bit more, sweetheart." "Here you go." "ls he coming around?" "Yes." "Because--because we really need him to come around." "He's coming around." "Do you understand?" "We don't have much time." "This is ridiculous." "It's the emotion thing." "Nervous breakdown here." "Guys, we have a problem." "We got multiple bogies at nine o'clock." "What the hell is that?" "It's the drive-up window." "Someone's at the drive-up." "At 8:00 in the morning?" "What do we do?" "Nothing." "Hello?" "I'm telling you, you act too eager like that... and Dottie's never gonna give you a second look." "Women do not respond to need." "It's the police." "Good morning." "Where's Dottie?" "Who?" "The drive-up girl." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Dottie." "Of course." "Uh, she's sick." "Sick with what?" "Vaginitis." "She's been suffering from an abnormal vaginal discharge." "It's a common symptom... a viscous fluid usually associated with, uh... well, vaginitis." "This usually is associated with" "All clear, Bubba." "You all right?" "That was great." "It's exciting, right?" "Yeah." "Why a college parking lot?" "Always lots of cars around... even in the morning." "Leave the Jaguar here." "No gambling." "I'll see you in Tonopah in two weeks, you understand?" "Yeah." "All right." "Two weeks." "You hear me?" "He'll get tired of her." "It just takes time." "You'll see." "I don't know." "Kate's a special lady." "Kate is an iceberg waiting for the Titanic." "Has anybody seen Kate Wheeler?" "Local authorities... are investigating the possible connection... between the missing woman... and the latest in a series of bank robberies... committed by the Sleepover Bandits." "Wheeler vanished just 24 hours before the robbery... of the San Andreas Bank." "Her abandoned automobile was discovered a short distance... from the automobile belonging to bank manager Lawrence Fife." "But a much bigger question remains unanswered, people." "Who exactly are these mystery men?" "In a related development... a federal task force has been assembled... to try to piece together this whole mystery." "is there a connection between the missing woman... and the Sleepover Bandits?" "is Kate Wheeler associated with the Sleepover Bandits... or is she part of the gang?" "We'll keep you updated... right here as this whole story unfolds on "Criminals at Large."" "Harvey?" "Yeah?" "Do you remember what I said about conspicuous behavior?" "Keeping a low profile." "Are you achieving it, do you think?" "You bet." "Good boy." "What do you think of my boots?" "Very lifelike." "Hey!" "Nineteen." "We'll be right there, and just so you know... I got a bee up my ass about you two." "Congratulations, Kate." "You're a famous missing person, practically a TV star." "Different for you, bad for us." "You see, we pretty much try to keep ourselves... out of the spotlight whenever possible." "Nobody saw me." "We barely left the room." "Go home!" "No." "Yes!" "Joe." "It's up to Kate." "What do you mean, it's up to Kate?" "Relax, Terry Lee." "We went shopping." "Bought me my first disguise." "You went shopping?" "Yeah, we went shopping." "What's the big deal?" "Man." "We have a wig." "We have a hat for those long, sunny days on the lam." "What do you think?" "I don't care about it." "I've told you." "Hey, what happened to Kate?" "You made a joke." "Oh, that's cute." "They made a little love joke." "So, Joe, is she worth it?" "I mean, in theory... isn't one woman just like the next?" "So I was just wondering, you know?" "I mean, is she worth it?" "She's got saliva in her mouth." "Well, of course she's got saliva in her mouth." "Everybody does." "It's glandular." "She's got more." "Really?" "How much?" "A lot." "A lot?" "Well, that sounds like... some sort of tumor in the parotid gland." "You know, rabies is transferred that way--by saliva." "Terry... no one has ever kissed me like that before." "Ever." "Law enforcement officials have finally discovered... the identities of the Sleepover Bandits." "Joe Blake and Terry Collins escaped... from an Oregon State Penitentiary... just three months ago." "Today for the first time ever..." "Blake and Collins were added to both the fbi... and the Federal Marshal's top ten most wanted list." "And not only that, but a half-million-dollar reward... was offered for their capture." "The identities of these modern-day Robin Hoods... were first confirmed by two teenage hostages... who were taken after the amazing prison break." "Darren, here they are." "Cheri Woods, wait." "Cheri Woods?" "Please get back." "Are you hurt?" "What was it like?" "Did they tie you up?" "No, they were really nice." "We ordered pizza and played video games." "Please back up." "We need to talk to you." "Did they take anything?" "Yeah, they took my car." "They didn't do anything." "They were very nice." "Please move back." "Ladies and gentlemen... thank you so much for your cooperation." "Please make no attempt to escape... as we will be monitoring the police scanner... and we'll kill you if you do." "Thanks again for your cooperation." "Bye, Joe." "Bye, Terry." "That's great." ""Bye, Joe." "Bye, Terry."" "Did you hear that?" "Harvey?" "Harvey?" "Harvey, aren't we supposed to be following the guys... to the rendezvous?" "Pink." "The girl?" "Pink boots." "Number one lesson on howto get a girl--play hard to get." "Let's go, sweetheart." "You think she needs a ride?" "No." "l think she needs a ride." "I think I need a ride." "Let's go." "Accelerate and go." "Go." "is this the only road?" "Don't worry." "We'll find them." "You just rest your little head, young lady." "There they are." "It's OK." "We got them." "All righty!" "We thought we'd lost you." "Go!" "You are so cute." "You are really cute." "H-H-Harvey." "The truck." "Harvey!" "Dispatch, you better call 911." "We've got a major accident here." "We're probably gonna need an ambulance." "I think the condition of things is just... I don't think they should probably even move us." "I'm not sure we should even be moving at all." "I mean, we should be, like, restrained." "We're in Scotland with a bunch of sheep." "I don't know what this is all about." "Hey." "Our hoses should be like" "You all right?" "Are you all right?" "I need a stabilizing collar." "You probably do, too." "You can't just--we shouldn't even be moving around... and nowthere's sirens in my head." "I probably have a concussion." "Wait." "Shh." "Do you understand?" "That's not your head." "Listen." "Those are" "You hear them, too?" "Yeah, it's the police." "We should go." "Come on." "Let's go right now." "Oh, sirens!" "Come on down here." "Hey!" "Listen." "Yeah." "Like, real sirens." "You need to-- you need to go up." "Listen to me." "Pay attention to me." "Listen to me." "You got to get Kate and get out of here now." "I got--l'll get the money, all right?" "l'm going with you." "No." "No." "Go now." "Go." "Go." "You OK?" "Go with Terry and get out of here now!" "Get going." "You all right?" "Kate, go with Terry now!" "The police!" "l know." "The police!" "Just go with Terry now!" "Go!" "Just go on!" "I'm just gonna go put her in Pollard's car." "Terry, that's Kate right there." "Take her." "The police!" "No." "We can't go." "We can't leave them." "Stop flailing your arms!" "Do you hear sirens?" "Because I still hear sirens." "Are they real or not?" "Calm down." "Joe will know what to do." "Joe and Pollard are long gone by now." "His car's still here." "Well, he can get another car." "As a matter of fact, he can get another girl." "He wouldn't leave without me." "Kate, memo to yourself-- Joe is not exactly... the flowers-and-hearts kind of guy... if you haven't noticed." "And when it comes to running from the police... you don't figure into his thinking... or mine, either, OK?" "Well, I'm not leaving without him." "Suit yourself." "Well, what are you gonna do?" "What am I gonna do?" "I'll tell you exactly what I'm gonna do." "I'm gonna flee from the scene of the crime... in the nick of time." "That's what I'm gonna do." "And I'm gonna give myself a couple of weeks... to get my heart rate back to normal... and then I'm gonna join Joe at the other bank, OK?" "That's what I'm gonna do." "Well, I'm going with you." "You stay away from me forever." "Please don't make me beg." "You are one lucky fella." "I am?" "I got the last room in town." "Oh, but that won't do." "I need two rooms." "No." "No such thing." "You see all those cars out there?" "It's a Debbie Day cosmetic convention." "I've never seen so much pink in my goddamn life." "It's a hell of a thing to do to an automobile." "Right. I don't care what it is." "I have to have two rooms." "Do you want the room or not?" "You asleep?" "Uh, no, this Weeble-Wobble song or whatever it is-- it scared me half to death." "You?" "I was just wondering where Joe was." "is." "Joe pretty much just likes to have a good time and a-- a good time, basically." "Alone?" "You know Joe-- cultural events, museums-- that kind of thing." "He's a very dedicated traveler." "He's not alone." "My husband is a terrible kisser." "That's random." "Like how?" "What do you mean?" "Oh, the first time, you know, he took me to a movie." "Well, he brought me home... and I'm standing at the front door, you know... waiting for the inevitable... and he looms, and I'm thinking, "OK, it's about time..."" "and then he... he just comes at me with his mouth-- it's just open so-- oh, God, it was really wide." "That's not funny." "I actually--l tried to adjust to the kiss size." "It was huge... and I dislocated my jaw." "It still clicks." "You can't hear that?" "Kind of." "Can I hear it once?" "It's really loud." "Oh, yeah, baby." "That's, uh, I mean, you know, that's loud." "He dislocated my jaw, and I still married him." "Oh, I don't know the first thing about love." "Oh, I know I look like I do, but I... I don't." "Not really." "Love is a wish that hides in your heart... and nobody knows about it but you." "Love is blinding." "An eternity in a single moment." "A religion worth dying for." "And it's also time-consuming." "Yeah." "And, uh, you know, a pain in the ass... and a hole in the heart and that sort of thing." "Not necessarily in that order... but I'd like to think it is that order, really." "Oh!" "Bless you." "Gesundheit." "Many happy returns--oh, gosh." "Oh, this is gonna be one of those." "Really?" "Do you" "Hey, do you want me-- you want me to scare you?" "No." "That's for, uh--this is" "Oh, no, it works." "Aah!" "No!" "Don't!" "That's not" "Now, don't be frightened." "What are you doing to me?" "I'm just trying to block the flow." "You're not helping!" "You're not helping!" "Good--ow!" "Jeez!" "I'm sorry." "Did I scare you?" "I'm sorry." "It was a bit hard there." "You're dribbling a bit, but you're not sneezing." "I have food allergies." "Tell me about it." "And other phobias." "Like what?" "Like, uh, descrophobia... which, is, uh..." "What's that?" "Well, I was in high school." "It's a fear of getting smaller." "I lost two inches in six months. I mean" "That's quite significant." "Terry, you're still here." "And antique furniture scares me half to death." "What's that called?" "Well, I don't think there's a name for it." "I believe I'm the only one." "Oh, no, no, no." "Anything before 1950... just gives me the heebie-jeebies." "Uh, Benjamin Disraeli's hair." "There's a problem there." "I'm afraid of Charles Laughton, actually." "Black-and-white movies." "Black-and-white movies." "Black-and-white movies?" "I just can't eat in front of them." "Oh, my God, I can't either." "You know what?" "I think it's better to feel too much... than feel too little." "I, uh--l never thought of it that way, but, uh..." "Oh, no." "You're blinking again?" "Well, that--that's just a ventromedial anomaly." "Well, maybe if I, um-- is that OK?" "You see, there's this neural factory between the eyes." "Between the eyes?" "It's sort of right in" "There?" "Exactly." "Oh, OK." "Oh, yes, uh..." "Yeah. I can" "That kind of thing." "It's a--oh, yeah." "Outgoing messages to the nervous system-- that kind of thing. lt's a..." "Embarrassment fear." "Oh, it's...big." "Love and hate." "That's a biggie." "Oh, my God." "There's a scientist in London... who used electric shock... to prove that cockroaches have feelings." "Terry, you're not a cockroach." "You're more like a-- you're more like a beaver." "A beaver?" "In a good way." "In a cute way." "I feel like a cockroach." "I mean, that's assuming that cockroaches are capable... of making mistakes that blow apart the world they live in." "Well, if you're a cockroach... what does that make me?" "Dangerous." "They're here." "Well, were we ever wondering about you two guys." "We were wondering and wondering and wondering." "Hey, Joe." "Hi." "Welcome back." "Missed you." "Yeah." "We missed you, too." "Yeah." "We missed you, too." "Joe, can I talk to you for a minute in private?" "Be right back." "Because God knows, it was a shock to me." "It was more like a revelation of some kind... and yet shocking-- like a shocking revelation." "I was right about Kate's kisses, wasn't I?" "Hmm?" "Let me keep her, OK?" "I mean, even if you kill me, I don't give a shit." "I just--l just want to know what it feels like... to have her to myself before I die, OK?" "I'm not gonna do that." "I can't do that." "Why, Joe?" "I mean, remember... this is like a hobby to you." "It happens to you all the time." "It sort of makes you feel like a million bucks" "No way." "But it never happens for me." "Not once, Joe." "Not once has this ever happened for me." "Do you understand the significance of that?" "Yeah." "You do?" "So we agree?" "We let Kate choose, right?" "No, no, no." "Of course not." "That's a terrible idea." "What's wrong with it?" "Because she'll choose you." "Are you boys sure you don't want to kick my tires first?" "You could arm-wrestle." "Oh, that's--yeah." "Or, I don't know, flip a coin." "You know, if it was best four out of seven" "Unless..." "Unless you think that these are incredibly shallow solutions... to a complicated problem that may require... a little delicacy and understanding." "Yeah, that... the last part." "Maybe you're right, Kate." "You should choose." "So choose." "What's it gonna be?" "Gonna be, uh..." "Mr. Action Figure hero guy here?" "Or brains and sensitivity... and a lot of other things I can name." "In other words, me or that guy." "Yeah." "Good-looking or itchy?" "What if I don't want to?" "Don't want to what?" "Choose." "You have to choose." "What are you talking about?" "That's the point, right?" "I knowthis is confusing." "I mean, believe me... I'm a little confused myself." "You stole my girl?" "You take her away for two weeks... and you brainwashed her." "Brainwashed." "You brainwashed her?" "I was not stolen." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Would you stop it?" "Stop it!" "Excuse me." "Would you stop this?" "You're getting his coat dirty!" "Coat?" "I mean, look at me." "Hello!" "Would you look at me just for a second?" "I ran away with bank robbers." "Now, that's a-- that's a strange choice... but it's understandable given my state of mind... but then what do I do?" "I sleep with bank robber number one... because he's strong..." "And he" "Handsome." "Handsome, and he-- he knows what he wants." "There you go." "Makes sense to me." "But I don't stop there." "Oh, no." "Not this little red hen." "Due to circumstances beyond the boundaries... of any life I've ever known... I sleep with bank robber number two... and he is sweet... and smart and" "Cute as a beaver." "Yeah, and he deserves more than he thinks he does." "Exactly." "Now, the heart's a mysterious organ... and it, you know, plays by its own rules." "I don't want to choose." "You know, I don't think I can... and, you know, if that's scary or against the laws... of, you know, man or whatever... then..." "I mean, you're outlaws, right?" "So... I guess I'm an outlaw, too." "OK." "So, Harvey... you should park in this alley right here toward this end." "See?" "Near the corner of this building." "You'll be hidden by the building." "There's a door right here." "And I look up, and I see these two cars headed... you know, right by each other" "Oh, guys." "They collide, right?" "And there's this red-headed woman that's there... and she's getting hauled off into the other car." "The Novato, California, teenager... had no way of knowing he was about to capture... this stunning footage of the Sleepover Bandits... and the missing woman Kate Wheeler." "In this "Criminals at Large" exclusive... the missing woman's husband taped a plea to the men... who hold his wife hostage." "Please." "Wherever you are... return my wife to me." "Kate, if you're listening... I want you to knowthat, uh... I'm OK." "I hope you're holding up well." "I hope these gentlemen are treating you correctly... in the way you should be treated... and speaking of which, I'm going to Spain next week... so, um, if your kidnappers would like to contact me... they can get in touch with my people... and you know who they are... and, uh, the house is waiting for you right here," "where--where you belong." "And, uh..." "And the house misses you." "I miss you." "I miss" "He has no idea where l belong." "You belong here." "Yeah, with us." "What are we gonna do if the sun sets?" "Paradise." "Yeah." "We buy the restaurant... and turn it into a nightclub and a resort." "A nightclub?" "Yep." "And--and--and-- Joe will work the room... and I'll--l'll run the kitchen, naturally." "Have a spa or something." "What does a lady like me do in Paradise?" "Don't be rude." "You can do whatever you want." "You do whatever you want." "Whatever--whatever I want?" "Drink margaritas, get your toes painted." "You pick it." "What would you say-- lf you could do anything, what would it be?" "Whatever I want?" "Yeah, whatever you want." "All right." "I want to sing." "To sing?" "Well, we need a singer." "We need a singer for a nightclub." "We talked about that." "All about it, yeah." "Do you want to" "You're gonna sing right now?" "Do you want me to sing for you?" "Come on." "OK." "There it is." "All right, come on." "OK, oldie but a goodie." "If you see me walking down the street" "And I start to cry" "Each time we meet" "Walk on by" "Just walk on by" "Make believe" "That you don't see my tears" "Just let me grieve in private" "'Cause each time I see you I break down and cry" "So walk on by" "Don't stop" "Walk on by" "Hi." "How are you feeling?" "Well, my system's been a flurry of activity tonight." "First l--l had a rapid heartbeat... seeing spots... had a prickly sensation on my feet." "Then there's this sudden hearing loss in one ear." "That's not what I mean." "Kate, there are guys who leave... and there are guys who get left." "I don't think it's any mystery... as to which category I fall into." "Terry Lee, I'm not leaving you." "You're staying?" "Yeah." "Good night." "Good night?" "That's not staying, it's going." "Where are you going?" "Did I get the secret knock right?" "Yeah." "Yeah, it was perfect." "I really missed you when we were away." "Good night." "If you want to talk about headaches... my brother Albert had horrible headaches." "Migraines?" "No." "Brain tumor." "He smelled burning feathers for a whole year." "You're joking." "No." "His--some-- the tumor was pressing on some gland or something." "Olfactory gland." "Olfactory gland." "Yeah, that's it." "And apparently it affects your sense of smell." "Burning feathers?" "Yeah." "Weird, isn't it?" "Did he smell them all the time?" "All the time. 24 hours a day." "Burning feathers." "Great." "Were there any other symptoms?" "Oh!" "Hot damn, I knew it." "You're the boys from TV... uh, the Sleepover Bandits." "I guess that means I'm a hostage." "Oh, you better come on in." "We got to get started." "Come on." "Come on." "Jeez." "Could you do me a favor?" "Could you look at my pupils and tell me if they're the same?" "Are they different sizes?" "Are--are they the same?" "I'm not a doctor." "Please, humor me." "Well, the right one looks smaller." "Jesus Christ, don't tell me that." "You asked." "Do you smell burning feathers?" "No." "Brain tumor--l know I do." "What?" "Yeah, the guy there... he told me my pupils are different sizes." "You're kidding." "Uh-huh." "Jesus." "First my brother, now you?" "God." "Pink." "Harvey." "Harvey." "Hey." "What do you mean, no?" "That's what I said." "No." "Good manners are no excuse for criminal behavior." "I am not opening the safe." "I am not giving you the money." "You know we're armed, right?" "Oh, you wouldn't hurt a flea, Joe." "Everybody knows that." "I'm stumped." "How about you?" "Shit." "Just give us a little bit of the money." "Be reasonable." "100 grand of it is already... is--is--is insured by the government." "Joe?" "Hey, get-- just get back there." "Go on." "Just get back there." "What the hell is wrong with you?" "It's my bank." "I'm guessing there's a good reason for this." "Oh, it's the missing woman." "I'd almost forgot." "There's police outside." "Where's Harvey?" "l don't know." "Will you get back there, please, ma'am?" "Look, look, look." "There's the policeman right there." "Do you know where the bathroom is?" "Oh, yeah, it's in the back." "There are home display towels in there." "I can't believe this." "Hi. I'm sorry to bother you, Mrs. Carver... but it's after 8:00... and you haven't turned the sign on yet." "And I figured maybe you'd just forgotten... the all clear again." "Aww, Edgar, aren't you sweet?" "Well, I'll get right on it." "Um, say, you know, um, I was wondering... I sure could use some cash, and, uh, since I'm here..." "Oh, sure." "Since you're here." "Come in, officer." "Right this way." "Thanks." "Hello." "Uh, 50 bucks OK?" "You've been very successful." "Uh, what do you attribute that to?" "Courage-- it takes a lot of that." "This is 500." "These are hundreds." "Oh, bank error in your favor." "Game board kind of joke thing." "Surprise." "You know, it's funny... l--l think I've seen you someplace before." "It's my face." "I have--you know, I have an average face." "You know how people think-- you look like everyman." "I don't know." "Thanks, Mrs. Carver." "Have a good day." "All right." "Let's go." "Wait, wait, wait." "I forgot my glasses." "Come on." "Coming." "Oh, shit." "Come on." "What?" "Terry has the keys." "Terry!" "Come on." "Get in the cop car." "Where are they?" "Uh, that way." "It might have been that way." "They're outside." "Yes." "Stop." "Stop." "Stop." "Stop the car." "Police emergency." "There's the car-- a police car." "Look!" "Just go." "Followthat car!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "We can't just leave him there." "There's nothing we can do for him now." "He'd go back for you if he had to." "Don't be so sure about that." "Joe, this is Terry we're talking about." "Remember your friend Terry?" "That's it." "That's them." "Found Pollard." "You know, Darren... I mean, I got to be honest with you." "It's not that difficult." "You walk in, you ask for the money, you walk out." "Listen, I don't want to rush you... but this would probably be a good time... to make your getaway." "Let's go." "Come on." "Get away from him." "Get away." "Put that down." "Come on, let's go." "Get up." "Come on." "It's only money." "Thank you." "Drive carefully!" "Now, let's go." "Dispatch, this is Lincoln Six." "We have an armed robbery" "is it not enough that every cop in the western states... along with every mouth-breathing reporter is on our ass?" "Do you have to sabotage us from within?" "I didn't do it on purpose." "That's not the point." "The point is you're dangerous... and you're dense and you're stupid." "You're fired." "No way. I quit." "Harvey." "Call it what you want." "He's right, you know?" "I'm not a bank robber." "I'm a stunt man." "Besides, you don't need me." "You--you got Kate." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "I quit." "You could have put us back in jail, Harvey." "I'm sorry, Joe." "Maybe I'll see you guys in Mexico." "OK." "Nice car." "It's not mine. I stole it." "What are you gonna do now?" "Drive it to Hollywood." "Yeah, why?" "I'm a stunt man." "Oh." "Do you want to come with me?" "No." "Aww." "Hey, Terry?" "Yeah?" "Remember what I told you about my brother... the one with the brain tumor... who was always smelling burning feathers?" "It's emblazoned on my brain forever." "You know, he never quit... never gave up trying, right to the very end." "Hey, Joe?" "I know just how he feels." "Good night, Joe." "Do you guys--do you guys..." "You've been together for quite a while." "Do you consider yourselves good friends still?" "Oh, sure." "Absolutely." "People say there's no honor among thieves." "To--totally wrong." "Right, Joe?" "Totally wrong." "Darren, it's like, uh-- uh, Lewis and Clark." "You got Lewis, he--he--he's stuck... somewhere out there in Africa... lost in the African wilderness." "And, uh--uh, Clark..." "Al Clark, I think his name was... he--he drops what he's doing... and he goes to find him." "He goes to find Lewis, and you know why?" "Because of friendship, that's why." "For God's sake, Joe... it was--was Stanley and Livingstone... not Lewis and Clark." "You see, Lewis and Clark... tried to find the Northwest Passage... with the help of this statuesque Indian lady." "But you probably" "But they were friends, OK?" "Of course they were." "He was asking us about friendship." "You always got to correct me." "I'm sorry." "You're right." "You're up." "l--l couldn't sleep." "I was thinking maybe... that you and I could go to this place." "Where is Joe?" "He's asleep, sound asleep." "Terry?" "He is." "He's sound asleep." "If we could maybe come down to this, uh... bar down here at the thing... and maybe just sit there... and have a nightcap or something like that." "It's a little late, don't you think?" "Oh, no." "Gosh, not at all." "What--it's the-- you know, live." "You know, act like it's the last... most important thing you'll ever do in your life." "Please?" "All right." "I'll just get a coat." "OK." "I love this song." "Actually, I never heard it before." "I have to press A 1 on these things." "It's an obsessive-compulsive thing." "It's a pretty song, though." "I played it six times." "Just run away with me, Kate, please." "Let's get in the car... and we'll just drive and drive and drive and drive... and then we'll stop at the perfect place... and we'll stay there for as long as we want to... and then we'll get back in the car... and then we'll drive and drive and drive and drive... and we'll find another perfect place." "I'm just-- this is kind of sudden, isn't it?" "This is crazy." "Well, not to me, it isn't." "I need a whiskey." "Can I have a whiskey, please?" "I'd like a vodka, please." "And a glass of milk." "Could you warm the milk?" "Got a right side problem of some sort." "God, I hope I'm not having a brain tumor." "Hi, Terry." "How's it going?" "Hi, Joe." "What's going on?" "Not much." "Just..." "You're here by yourself?" "You OK?" "I'm having trouble feeling my lips a little." "They're not numb, are they?" "A little bit numb." "Oh, boy." "Joe." "Hi." "I thought you were asleep." "Yeah. I was asleep." "He woke up." "Anybody want to dance?" "No, I don't think so." "Why don't you dance with Kate?" "Not me." "Go ahead." "Go ahead." "I'm not really a dancer." "Come on..." "Terry?" "Dance with her." "l can't feel my arm." "I'd rather not, Kate." "Kate's got her dancing clothes on." "Go on over there and dance." "You all right?" "You kids have fun." "You all right?" "Oh, yeah. I'm just fine." "You're kind of tilting." "Yeah, well, it's just a momentary thing." "Actually, I'm very, very light on my feet." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "I'm a pretty good dancer." "There you go." "You're an all-right dancer." "Looking good, Terry." "Such a pretty song." "Dance with me, Kate." "Oh, maybe you should do most of the dancing." "Happy?" "What, honey?" "Mind if I cut in?" "Yeah, sure." "I've lost the beat." "Don't you think we should" "No, he'll be fine." "Just take a little rest." "You guys sure, um..." "Come here." "Dance with me." "Run away with me, Kate." "We can get in the car and just drive and drive and drive." "You know what?" "That is a great idea." "What about Mexico?" "Mexico will wait." "Well, what about Terry?" "Terry will just have to wait, too." "Come on." "I am so confused." "In what way?" "In every possible way." "Just come on outside with me for a minute." "Come on." "l've got a hot milk." "What?" "I got Terry some hot milk." "I'll just get him the hot milk." "I'll check on Terry." "You all right?" "Here, I got you some milk." "Help you sleep." "I'm lactose intolerant." "You're what?" "Lactose intolerant." "You're lactose intolerant?" "Severe diarrhea." "Severe diar" "Right." "I'll just be outside here on the porch." "Kate, can you smell burning feathers?" "Burning feathers?" "Joe's older brother Albert." "He smelled burning feathers." "He had a brain tumor." "Joe doesn't have an older brother." "I have no right side." "No right side?" "is that what Joe told you?" "Can you feel this?" "Yes, I feel that. lt hurt." "Joe doesn't have a brother?" "No brother." "Albert?" "No Albert." "So the burning feathers was a lie." "Yup." "You're sure?" "Positive." "Where is Joe?" "Outside." "Joe, I've been thinking." "Yeah, me, too." "I've been thinking that I don't have a brain tumor... because you never had a brother." "And I can walk, too." "Did you notice that, Joe?" "Look at me. I'm walking." "I'm walking around you." "See?" "Never cheat a pal." "Never cheat a pal." "Isn't that what you always say?" "You cheated me first." "l did not." "You cheated me first!" "No!" "Bullshit!" "What about Paradise?" "I don't give a damn about Paradise." "I'm out of here." "Well, guess what." "Me, too, OK?" "Happy?" "You won't make it a week without me, and you know it." "I will with Kate." "Over my dead body!" "That hurt!" "You little shithead!" "You bit me!" "Stop it!" "You hit me!" "Would you stop it?" "Oh, God." "This is over." "Not until somebody is either dead or in a coma." "And I hope it's him." "No, I'm talking about us." "I won't watch you do this to each other." "I just--l can't." "I'd rather see you in prison." "At least there you'd be safe from each other." "And yes, I'm aware that this is entirely my own fault." "It's just that I... I bit off a little bit more than I could chew." "But I... I've just never felt this way before, and... I... I can't choose between you." "What if everyone only has one big love?" "I mean, I knowthis one's a little bit... bigger than usual, but... what if we only have one?" "And you know why I can't choose between you?" "Because together, you're... you're the perfect man." "Kate." "Kate, we weren't really gonna even--right?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry, boys." "This is over." "Kate!" "Kate!" "Big, isn't it?" "It's just a bank." "Big." "Yeah. lt's big." "Oh, my God." "It's them." "They're here." "Oh, Mama." "Kate Wheeler may have started out as a hostage... but she's looking more and more like a bank robber to me." "That's ridiculous." "There's no way you can calculate the impact of her captivity." "This is Patty Hearst all over again." "If you recall, Patty Hearst went to prison." "Which was a mistake." "Excuse me." "It's long distance." "You're in love-- Hold on a minute." "Don't tell her you love her right now." "Both of us..." "Yeah, she knows it." "Listen." "Listen." "I miss you." "And Joe misses you." "What I'm trying to say is we both miss you." "Equally." "Equally." "We both miss you equally." "Hi." "Hi." "How you doing?" "Well, we've been-- we've been, um, thinking." "I've been doing some thinking, too." "What were you thinking?" "I can't live like this." "I mean, that's the first thing." "Well...take it." "Which is entirely our fault, and we take full responsibility." "Full." "Really." "Absolutely." "No, it doesn't matter whose fault it is." "Not anymore." "Let me talk to her." "Listen to me." "What if I told you there was a way out of this?" "One more big score, OK?" "Just one." "Nice and safe." "Oh, I don't like the sound of this." "Well, no, no." "No more tricks." "No more tricks." "No more sleepovers." "We just walk in... we showthem our guns, we take the money..." "You showthem your guns?" "But we got it all figured out." "No, I can't let you do this." "Oh, no, please don't do this." "It's a really bad idea." "Kate, Kate, listen to me." "Listen to me." "This will work." "OK?" "The reward for the capture of Joe Blake and Terry Collins... has been doubled to a million dollars." "The question now is how much longer... the two can continue their crime spree." "Their faces are known to just about everyone..." "Good morning." "How you doing?" "Let's go." "Outside." "Come on." "Go on." "Keep moving, shorty." "Oh, my God." "What are you guys doing here?" "Shut up." "Let's go." "All right." "All right." "Come on." "You, too." "In front of us." "In front of us." "Here we go." "Good evening, everybody." "I'm Darren Head, and welcome to "Criminals at Large."" "We have a very interesting... and unusual show for you this evening." "If you can look behind me, you see that we're not here on the set of "Criminals at Large."" "We're broadcasting tonight out of my home... out of my living room." "The Sleepover Bandits, Joe Blake and Terry Collins... are sitting with me." "They wanted to set the record straight about Kate Wheeler." "I want to say to you, to the American public... to all of the law enforcement agencies... out there across America..." "Kate Wheeler was never involved in the bank robberies with us." "She was our hostage." "She was an unwilling hostage." "She was never, ever involved." "Ladies and gentlemen, good morning." "You are about to be robbed." "I'm Kate Wheeler." "Keep your hands where l can see them." "Where's the bank manager?" "Very good, sir." "Come with me." "OK, nobody move." "Right there on the corner." "Lay down." "I'd never heard them talk like that before." "And they're armed and they're dangerous... and I think they're serious." "All right, let's make contact with them." "The SWATteam is standing around." "The helicopters are overhead." "It's an incredible scene here at the Alamo Savings  Loan." "It's ringing." "Yeah?" "Let me tell you something." "This is Joe Blake, OK?" "You will never take us alive." "Do you understand me?" "Now, we want safe passage to Burbank Airport... and we want a plane to fly us out of there." "No, no more phone calls, OK?" "You just do what I ask you." "Hey, you are not gonna take us alive!" ""You're not gonna take us alive"?" "That's right." "Great thinking, Joe." "How about they will not take YOU alive?" "You know, I'm flattered that you've included me... in your little "going out in a hail of gunfire..."" "kind of concept and everything... but I think you've gone nuts, frankly." "The troops are moving in here." "The SWATteam is moving in." "The helicopters are overhead." "If you look in the background... you can see Joe Blake and Terry Collins." "They're in the bank." "The hostages are still in there." "Everybody hold your positions." "I'm all through running, Terry." "Well, guess what. I am, too." "But I got a better idea." "I'm gonna throw down my weapon and put my hands in the air... and go back to the federal penitentiary... where Kate Wheeler wants us." "Can't let you do that." "Oh, really?" "What if I don't give you that option?" "Everybody hold your position." "Guys, just hold on one second." "Put that gun down." "Make me." "Make me?" "Yes, make me!" "What the hell is this, the third grade?" "You can't do any better than that?" "I'm all out of well-turned phrases at this point, Joe." "All right, the suspects are in a standoff with themselves." "Put your gun down!" "Hey, don't even think about it!" "Don't you point that gun at him!" "Now, get out of here, mister!" "The rest of you, too!" "Don't move!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "That's a hostage coming out." "That's a hostage." "It looks like somebody's coming out of the bank." "Somebody's come out of the bank." "Joe Blake and Terry Collins are in there." "Hold it down." "Shut them-- Shut up!" "Shots fired inside." "You shot me!" "Stinking bastard!" "Oh, God!" "Be advised." "The suspects are shooting at each other." "You son of a bitch!" "All right." "On Terry." "Stand by." "Hold your position." "On red team." "Everybody just hold." "All right." "This'll be the shotgun on Terry." "Now." "Wonderful." "The suspects appear to be down inside." "Applause." "Red team, go." "Secure them." "What is she doing?" "Come on." "Let's go." "This is unbelievable." "Joe Blake and Terry Collins are down." "We can't tell if the police shot them or they shot themselves." "And it looks like Kate Wheeler's up on the stairs... and she fainted." "And if you followed this story the last couple of weeks... you knowthat Kate Wheeler is the woman... that turned in the Sleepover Bandits." "I need some help up here for Ms. Wheeler." "Let's move." "Now." "Pick her up." "Come on." "Get a shot!" "Get a shot of her, right there." "Ms. Wheeler, you fainted on the steps there." "Was that--were you in shock?" "What happened there?" "Yes. I was in complete shock." "Ms. Wheeler, is it true that you tipped off the police... to today's bank robbery?" "Yes, uh, I did." "But none of this was, um..." "was supposed to happen." "I just wanted them to, um, to stop." "I'm stuck." "Hey!" "Good morning, sunshine." "Open the bag." "Come on." "Let's go." "Great job, you guys." "Great job." "We're getting out of here." "OK." "Let's go." "Grab the money." "Come on." "Come on." "Let's go." "Let's get out of here." "Oh, my God!" "Go!" "It's gonna blow!" "You gotta run." "It's gonna blow!" "...downtown area with another stunning turn... in today's big story." "The vehicle transporting the bodies... of the Sleepover Bandits has exploded." "Apparently, the bodies were wired with explosives." "The bodies were totally incinerated... with no trace of Joe Blake and Terry Collins." "Here's to Paradise." "To us." "You better wait for me... 'cause I'm bringing the sunscreen... and the million-dollar reward." "And so ends the tragic tale of the Sleepover Bandits." "Or does it?" "Joe Blake and Terry Collins captured the imagination... of a nation." "And in death, their lives are quickly becoming... the stuff of legend." "Blake and Collins weren't heroes." "They never claimed to be." "After the interview, people came up to me and said..." ""What were they really like?"" "I know as much as anybody else." "They robbed banks." "They certainly kidnapped the wrong woman." "And they shot each other to death in cold blood." "The rest is rumor and speculation-- the stuff of folk tales." "And in the end, maybe that's the way we really want it to be." "I'm Darren Head." "We'll see you next week on another edition... of "Criminals at Large."" "Fade to black." "That should do it." "...consented together in holy matrimony." "Yhan testificado lo mismo, ante Dios... y todos los presentes." "And have witnessed the same before God and this company." "And have pledged their love to each other." "And have declared the same by the joining... and the giving of the rings." "Y por lo tanto, con la autoridad del Estado... los pronuncio esposo y esposa." "The groom may now kiss the bride." "Hi, gentlemen." "So, why don't we start from the beginning, all right?" "How'd you guys meet?" "Well, uh, lifting weights, pumping the iron, you know... in the usual way-- trading cigarettes." "Terry had imaginary appendicitis... and then he had, uh, imaginary blood poisoning." "I was working in the infirmary." "The medical term is septicemia, and it wasn't..." "Anyway, one night in the infirmary... I'm hearing this howling sound... uh, Darren." "You know, like a--like a... like the noise a cat makes when a cat's in heat... that "Rrrr." "Rrrr."" "That little sound, you know?" "One of the things we always like to remind ourselves... before we'd run into any job was expect the unexpected, right?" "Right?" "Always sounds like good advice." "Except, of course, if you are expecting the unexpected... then...well, then, it really isn't unexpected anymore, is it?" "And that leaves you vulnerable to the truly unexpected." "Because you're not expecting it." "Everybody sawthe videotape-- it's kind of famous by now-- of Kate Wheeler, the bank robbery." "Why don't you, right here on this show... set the record straight about Kate Wheeler and your operation." "I mean, the girl was terrified, you know, with us, I think." "Both as men and as bank robbers." "And didn't like us." "Never liked us." "We never got along..." "No." "from the very first moment we met." "Don't you guys ever get really scared?" "I mean, this job is so dangerous." "I'm immune to danger." "I dance with danger." "I walk up to danger and tug it on the ears and sneer at it... and make funny faces at it." "I just, you know-- "You know what?" "Come on."" "is what I'm saying." "You know what you have to be like?" "You have to have nerves of steel... and I have a nervous system which, I mean, as a child..." "God knows, I was a nervous kid." "I was a nervous kid." "But, you know, you get in there." "There's something about the adrenaline... and what are you laughing at?" "You're immune." "I'm immune." "I'm immune to danger." "You're totally immune."