"Oh, good evening." "I'm so glad you've found me." "As you can see, our new quarters are rather modest, but we like the location and thought the change might do us good, also." "And now, if you don't mind," "I would like to indulge in an old American custom." "No matter how busy they are or what the surroundings may be," "Americans never omit this quaint ritual." "If you don't care to join me," "I think you'll find our play is about to begin on one of the lower shelves." "Be quiet." "They'd send her to an institution or they'd hang her." "We should have to move away from here." "It would be impossible." "I'd kill myself!" "Oh, dear." "Oh, what shall we do?" "Poor Millicent." "Oh, Millicent, how could you?" "George, come here." "Over here, you idiot!" "You want me to shout across the room at you?" "Now, how far did you get with your medical studies before they threw you out as hopeless?" "You know as well as I do." "Yes, but do you know enough?" "Did they drive enough into your head, so that you can guess what any competent doctor would be able to tell you about such a wound?" "Well, it's a..." "It's a knock or a blow." "His head was battered in." "Now, could it be caused by a tile falling off the roof or a piece of the coping?" "Well, governor, you see, it's like this..." "Is it possible?" "No." "Why not?" "Because she hit him several times." "I can't stand it." "Oh, why should such a terrible thing have to happen to us?" "You must stand it, my dear." "Millicent, we must go over this again." "No, no!" "We must go over it again." "Perhaps you've forgotten something." "One tiny, irrelevant detail may save or ruin us, particularly you." "Now..." "I can't, sir." "I can't." "Stop it, child." "Stop it!" "Now, answer me." "You were in the stable?" "Yes." "One moment, though." "Who knew that you were in love with this wretched schoolmaster?" "No one!" "I never said a word about it!" "Don't worry, the whole darn village knows." "They've been sniggering about it in the Plough for three years past." "Yes." "Very likely." "Very likely." "Nevertheless, somehow, it must be covered up." "Our family has held a position of respect in this community for generations." "I do not intend to have that position destroyed by the stupidity of one foolish female." "Now, once more." "You were in the old stable." "You were putting the croquet set back in the box." "Yes." "You heard someone crossing the yard." "Yes." "It was Withers." "You call to him." "Yes." "Loudly?" "Did you call loudly?" "Could anyone have heard you?" "I didn't exactly call him, Father." "What did you do, exactly?" "Well, I..." "No, he saw me as I came to the door, and he just waved and came over." "How can I get out of you if anyone was about?" "Could he have been seen?" "No, because anyone could see that it was just about to rain." "I suppose everybody was inside." "Just then, it began to pour, and he came running to the stable door." "And you both stayed in the stables?" "It was raining hard." "What did he say?" "He said," ""Hello, Millie. "" "And to excuse him for coming in by the back way, but he'd set out to walk over Bass Hill," "hunting butterflies, and he thought he would get in from the rain," "if I didn't mind." "Go on." "He said, passing the park, he'd seen the house and thought of me," "because he had something special to tell me." "Millicent!" "Don't cry!" "He said he'd been definitely offered the post of Science Master at St. John's." "And now, he could marry." "And I thought he meant me." "Don't tell me what you thought." "Exactly what he said, no more." "He said..." "Oh, dear." "Don't cry." "It's a luxury you cannot afford." "Now, answer me." "He said it wasn't me, it's Ella Brangwyn-Davies, and he was sorry and all that." "And then, he went to go." "And then?" "I couldn't stand it!" "He turned round, and I had the croquet mallet in my hand and I..." "Oh, dear!" "Did you scream or cry?" "I mean, when you hit him." "I just threw it down." "Did he?" "No, I just threw it down." "I came into the house." "That's all." "I wish I was dead." "Yes, unfortunately, that wouldn't help matters, now." "You met none of the servants?" "No one would go into the stables." "You see, George, he probably told people that he was going to Bass Hill." "Certainly, no one will ever know that he came here." "Could have been attacked in the woods." "We must consider every detail." "A schoolmaster with his head battered in." "Don't, Father." "A schoolmaster with his head battered in is found in the woods." "Now, who would want to kill Withers?" "Who'd kill Withers?" "I would, with pleasure." "I say, I'm so sorry." "I walked right in." "How do you do, Captain Smollet?" "He heard you, Father, he heard you!" "Well, we all have our little jokes, you know." "Now, come, Millicent, don't pretend to be shocked." "A cigarette, Smollet?" "Oh, no, thanks." "Just a theoretical little murder, you know." "We talk nothing but thrillers in these days." "Oh, yeah." "It would be justifiable homicide, I should say." "Have you heard about Ella Brangwyn-Davies?" "I shall be laughed at." "Why?" "Why should you be laughed at?" "Had a shot in that direction myself." "She half said yes, too." "Didn't you hear?" "She's been telling people that we were practically engaged." "And now, it'll look as if I've got turned down for a knobby-kneed clown with a butterfly net." "Yes." "Yes." "I can quite see that that would make you feel rather bitter." "Oh, well." "Fortune of war, you know." "Sit down, Smollet." "Have a drink." "Thank you." "Will you excuse us for a moment?" "I've just remembered something." "George and I have something to see to." "Mother, Millicent, take care of Captain Smollet until we get back, will you?" "We won't be a moment." "Come along, George." "Uh, are you wet, Captain Smollet?" "Oh, just a bit." "Nothing to bother about." "But you'll catch cold." "You must have something to drink." "Good." "Put it down there, behind the door." "Now, we..." "We'd better get this out of sight, in case anybody comes in." "Put it in there." "A rat." "Yes, that's it." "We came to shoot a rat." "What are we doing, governor?" "I'm saving the family name." "Now, so far, you've done as you've been told." "Please continue to do so." "Well, I..." "I think that's everything." "Another drink, Captain Smollet?" "No, thank you." "I think I..." "Are you sure you wouldn't like another?" "You always have two." "Millicent." "Well, do you want one or not?" "Now, Millie." "She's overwrought, Captain Smollet." "Yes, of course." "I really think I'd better leave." "Why, excuse me, my dear." "Smollet, would you care to see something rather interesting?" "Why, yes, to be sure." "Good." "Come along, then." "Oh, uh..." "Thank you very much, Millicent." "Oh, there's no hurry." "Finish your drink." "It's all right, I'll finish it later." "Oh." "What the..." "George and I came out here to shoot a rat." "It frightened Millicent earlier this afternoon." "Of course, you may be shot by accident, if you don't listen very carefully." "I mean that." "What's the matter with you, Princey?" "A very tragic thing occurred today." "It will be even more tragic, if things can't be smoothed over." "Oh?" "You heard me say, "Who'd kill Withers?"" "You also heard Millicent make a comment, an unguarded comment." "Well, what of it?" "Very little." "Unless you happened to hear that Withers met a very violent end earlier this afternoon." "That, my dear Smollet, is exactly what you're going to hear." "What?" "You..." "You've killed him?" "Millicent." "Good heavens." "Precisely." "You would have remembered and guessed." "Well, maybe." "Yes, I suppose I would." "And so, my dear Smollet, you've become somewhat of a problem." "Why did she kill him?" "Oh, it's one of those disgusting things." "Rather pitiful, as a matter of fact." "She deluded herself into thinking that he was in love with her." "Oh, of course." "And then he told her about the Brangwyn-Davies girl." "I see." "Now, I have no wish that she should be proved insane or a murderess." "I could hardly live here after that, could I?" "No, I suppose not." "On the other hand, you know about it." "Ah, I see." "You're wondering if I can keep my mouth shut." "But I promise..." "I'm wondering if I could believe you." "No, but, I mean, if I promised..." "If things went smoothly, yes." "But if there were any sort of suspicion, any questioning, you would be afraid of becoming an accessory." "Oh, I don't know." "I do." "What are we going to do about it, Smollet?" "I can't think of anything else." "You'd never be such a fool as to do me in." "I mean, you can't get rid of two corpses." "I regard it as a better risk than the other." "Could be an accident." "Or you and Withers might both disappear." "There are possibilities in that." "Now, look here." "You can't..." "As a matter of fact, there is a way out." "You suggested it yourself." "Oh, did I?" "Well, what was it?" "You said that you'd kill Withers." "You had a motive." "I was joking." "You're always joking." "People think there's something behind it." "Now, look here, Smollet," "I can't trust you, therefore you must trust me." "Go on." "There's a sewer, there." "We're gonna put Withers' body into it." "Now, remember, no outsider knows that he came here this afternoon." "Nobody will ever dream of looking there for it, unless you tell them." "But you're going to give me evidence that you murdered Withers." "What?" "Why should I?" "So that I may be dead sure that you will never open your lips on the matter." "If you don't, I shall shoot you now, this next minute." "Now, you can choose between living or dying." "What evidence?" "George, hit him hard in the face." "Hold on..." "Here now, wait!" "I..." "Again." "Don't bruise your knuckles." "I'm sorry, Smollet." "There must be traces of a struggle between you and Withers, then it will hardly be safe for you to go to the police." "Why won't you take my word?" "I will when I'm finished." "George, pick up that croquet mallet." "Use your handkerchief." "Now, grasp the handle firmly, Smollet." "I'll shoot you if you don't." "Oh, blast you." "Now, George, pull two hairs out of his head." "Now, attach them firmly round the buttons on Withers' coat sleeve." "Now, Smollet, pick up that grating over there." "Go on." "Now, Withers' body is in there." "Get hold of it by the boots, drag it through, and dump it in the sewer." "I shan't touch him." "Stand back, George." "Look..." "Now, wait." "Wait a moment." "Oh, no." "I..." "Put back the grating." "Now, you see, my dear fellow, everything is perfectly safe." "No one knows that Withers came here." "Everyone thinks he went walking on Bass Hill." "There's five miles of country to inspect." "Nobody will ever think of looking for him in our sewer." "So, you see, don't you, how perfectly safe it is?" "Oh, absolutely." "As I'm sure I shall never give it another thought." "Shall I call Mr. Princey, ma'am?" "Oh, no, no." "That is..." "He'll be here in a moment, Jane." "Don't worry." "Oh, look, my dear, we went to the stable to shoot a rat and found Captain Smollet." "Oh, don't be offended, old fellow." "Oh, do sit down, all of you, and have your tea." "Millicent, come closer to me so that George can sit." "Captain Smollet, do sit down." "You've bruised your lip." "You..." "Oh." "I just knocked it." "Oh, too bad." "How did you do it?" "Would you like me to have Jane bring you something for it?" "Now, look here..." "I mean, please don't trouble." "It's all right." "Very well, Jane." "That's all." "Smollet's been very kind, my dear." "He knows all about our trouble." "We can rely upon him." "We have his word." "Oh, have you, Captain Smollet?" "You are good." "He'll tell." "I know he'll tell, Father!" "Millicent, go to your room and stay there." "I can't stand the sight of you anymore." "But, Father," "I haven't had my tea yet." "Well, go without your blasted tea." "I think I'll go along now." "It's stopped raining." "Oh, must you?" "Now, look here, my dear fellow, there's nothing to worry about." "They'll never find anything here." "All we have to do from now on is to keep our heads, and our problems are solved." "Oh, Captain Smollet, you are a nobleman." "A noble man." "Yes, all we have to do is to keep calm." "Perfectly calm." "Just forget the whole thing." "Why not stay and have another drink, Smollet, won't you?" "No, thank you." "No, I think I'll get along." "Oh, well, if you really must." "Good evening." "Now, pay attention, please." "I have a word or two to say." "We shall have to have Millicent down again, I'm afraid." "George, go and get your sister." "Dear, do you really think..." "Is it really all right?" "Certainly, it is." "There are a few things that I have to go over with the three of you." "Well?" "I told her." "Come and sit down, Millicent." "Please sit quietly." "And try and control your appetite until I have finished." "I do not want to compete for your attention with a sandwich." "Now, listen to me." "We can't be certain, of course, that our connection with the disappearance of Mr. Withers will never come to the attention of the police." "We must be prepared for any such contingency." "So, in case we're ever questioned in the matter, this is what has happened." "George and I went down to the stables to shoot a rat." "It was a nuisance in the rain, but Millicent insisted." "You know I'm not afraid of rats." "Hmm." "Well, you are now." "Now, we were surprised to find our friend, Captain Smollet, waiting in the stables." "Now, you recall that the first time he was here was before Jane served tea, so she doesn't know that he was here at that time." "That's right." "She didn't see him." "Now, Smollet explained that he was in the stables because he ducked in to avoid a particularly heavy shower." "So, naturally, we brought him to the house for tea." "You understand?" "Oh, yes, of course, dear." "Oh, I know they'll come." "I know they will!" "They'll find him!" "Millicent!" "If you can't control yourself until I have finished," "I shan't allow you to have any more tea." "I say, you certainly have taken care of things neatly." "Airtight, what." "Yes, he is thorough, isn't he?" "He hasn't overlooked a thing." "You think so?" "It's fortunate we don't have to depend upon you for our security, I must say." "But I don't see how it could be any neater." "I mean, Smollet will never tell himself, that's certain enough." "But even if they do find the..." "The cadaver is discovered some time..." "If it is discovered." "You see?" "Leaving things to chance, pure chance." "The same sloppy approach that you've always had, George." "Supposing Smollet were away when it were discovered." "Supposing he had skipped the country." "Well, I don't think he'd do a thing like that." "Probably not." "Not enough imagination, I dare say." "But I don't intend to take a chance on any such thing." "That is a careless, slovenly way of doing things, for which I have no patience." "But, dear, what else can you do?" "Now, listen closely and remember." "Just a moment ago, after Captain Smollet left, we went back to the stable to shoot the rat." "We noticed the cover to the sewer was somewhat ajar." "And as you, George, lifted it into place," "I glanced in and made a ghastly discovery." "Now, is that perfectly clear?" "Yes." "But I don't understand." "Get me the police station in Bass Hill, please." "Quickly." "Hello, is that the police station?" "Oh, this is Mr. Princey of Abbott's Laxton." "I'm afraid something rather terrible has happened." "Do send somebody up here at once, please." "Well, I..." "I believe that should cover everything." "I hope you let this be an example to you, my boy." "It's a rare problem that won't yield to a little thought and patience." "But we must be very careful never to leave any loose ends dangling." "You see, that's the thing." "A little tea, Mother, please." "I presume that story was intended to illustrate that blood is thicker than water." "I always find it heartwarming to see a family standing shoulder to shoulder in the face of adversity." "Unfortunately, the authorities were not thrilled by this sight, and were seen tossing about such phrases as," ""Obstructing justice,"" ""Accessory after the fact,"" ""Murder in the first degree. " Very nasty." "The Princeys received substantial sentences." "You see, unfortunately, Captain Smollet didn't play the game." "When the police arrived, he insisted on his innocence, thus confusing poor Millicent to such an extent that she re-enacted the crime with her father as the victim." "Broke the croquet mallet, too." "I believe I'll have another." "There's no more vermouth." "Oh, well." "Fortunately, I still have plenty of olives." "That was exceedingly dry." "Next week, we shall be back at the same old stand." "Please drop in again." "Good night."