"[Crowd Cheering]" "[Pipe Organ Plays]" "Red Hots." "How about some red-hot peanuts?" "Peanuts." "Get your peanuts here." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Safe!" "Now batting for the Cardinals, number 14, Stanley Boyer." "Come on." "We missed four innings." "Well, I had to stop and do some business." "Here." "Sit down." "Hey, you, usher." "Can I talk to you a second?" "Gil, Stan here will watch you." "I'm meeting some friends." "I'll meet you here at the ninth inning." "Have fun, kid." "So, Gilly, big baseball fan?" "Kind of." "Dad bring you here a lot?" "Every birthday." "Then he pays an usher to watch me." "Oh. I see." "Look, you have to understand." "My father, in his own childhood, was without a positive male influence." "Huh?" "His own father kicked him out when he was 15." "My dad was taught to see child-raising as a job, a burden, a prison rather than a playground." "Do you understand what I'm saying?" "You don't talk like a kid." "I'm not a kid." "You're not a duck." "This is a childhood memory." "I'm 35 now. I have kids of my own." "You don't really even exist." "You're an amalgam." "A what?" "A combination of several ushers my dad left me with over the years." "I combined them into one memory." "Why?" "This was a symbolic moment in my life-- my father dumping me with you." "I swore things would be different with my kids." "That's my dream-- strong, happy, confident kids." "That's great." "That's great." "You know, you-- you got a lovely family, and I'm a goddamn amalgam." "Gil?" "Who's that?" "That's my wife." "Nice." "Gil." "Yeah?" "The game's over, honey." "The St. Louis Cardinals wish to thank you for attending today's game." "Please drive home safely and soberly." "Let's go." "Come on, Justin." "You want to walk?" "It's fun." "Come on, let's walk." "You don't want to walk?" "There we go." "I was born to make you happy I'll get it." "I'll get it." "I think you're just my style" "There's your pennant." "Everywhere I go I'm tellin' everyone I know" "Baby, I love to see you smile" "Don't want to take a trip to China" "Don't want to sail up the Nile" "Wouldn't want to get too far" "From where you are" "'Cause I love to see you smile" "[Honk]" "Come on, watch it." "Watch it." "Watch it." "Watch the car." "Watch it." "There's so many cars." "Here we go." "Want me to put you down?" "Like a sink without a faucet" "Like a watch without a dial" "What would I do lf l didn't have you" "Daddy!" "I love to see you smile ln the summer ln the springtime" "The winter or the fall" "The only place I want to be ls where l can see you smile at me" "Honey, Taylor." "Oh, the world is full of children" "Aah!" "You're a rat." "They make it all worthwhile" "What would I do lf l didn't have you" "Just love to see you smile I love to see you smile I love to see you smile" "When you're sliding' into first" "And you're feelin' somethin' burst" "Diarrhoea" "Diarrhoea" "When you're sliding' into third" "And you lay a juicy turd" "Diarrhoea" "Diarrhoea" "When you're sliding' into home" "And your shorts are full of foam" "Diarrhoea" "Diarrhoea" "When you're sitting in your Chevy" "And your shorts are feeling heavy" "Diarrhoea" "Diarrhoea" "Kevin, honey, where did you learn that song?" "Last summer at camp, Mom." "Ah, that was money well spent." "When you're sliding' into first" "And you're feeling something burst" "Diarrhoea" "Diarrhoea" "That's what you're going to sleep in?" "You'll get cold." "Perfect." "Gil, Taylor isn't feeling well." "She wants you." "It's those hot dogs." "I'll deal with Kevin and Justin." "What do you say later, when the kids are asleep, I wear this outfit?" "She's in our bed." "Hi, Daddy." "You don't feel so good, honey?" "You feel like you want to throw up?" "OK." "Gil-- Oh, my God." "Oh, Taylor, baby." "Oh, sweetie." "Gil, why are you just standing there?" "I'm waiting for her head to spin around." "Can you come with me to see Kevin's principal Monday?" "I love it when you talk to me about school and meetings." "Talk to me about shopping." "I'm sorry." "I just remembered." "I've been meaning to ask you." "OK?" "Fine." "I'll be there." "OK." "What's the matter?" "Nothing. I was a little tense before, but" "No, I mean with Kevin." "Oh, um..." "Because his teacher said he's been making that face again." "Oh." "What, this?" "Yes, the tense face." "He makes that same face at Little League." "You know what his teacher asked?" "What?" "If we'd ever taken him for a psychiatric evaluation." "What?" "She was just asking." "Because he makes a face?" "Has she looked in the mirror?" "Well, you know-- the face, the crying, the nervousness..." "They mentioned the crying?" "Yeah." "You know, he-- he doesn't really finish his work." "Hey, we'll talk to them on Monday." "Don't worry." "I'm sure it'll be fine." "Come here." "Where was I?" "Here?" "Was I here...yet?" "I was there already?" "Mm-hmm." "That really pisses me off!" "Kid's a little special, needs a little more attention, teacher's going to label him-- "problem kid."" "Let's find out who Kevin's teacher is next year and make sure it's not another hysteric!" "You're right, Gil." "You know, Kevin's great." "He can't be much trouble." "Right." "Now if it was my sister's kid..." "Garry." "Now there's a kid with problems." "Hi, Garry." "You're up so early." "Yeah." "Where you going?" "Out." "What's in the bag?" "Nothing." "The whole family's coming over tonight." "There's a big surprise." "Grandma and Grandpa will be here, and Uncle Gil, Aunt Karen, and their kids." "Aunt Susie, Uncle Nathan and... lt's nice talking to you." "Julie!" "Hey, Julie!" "Yeah?" "Can I come in?" "Yeah." "I really need your help." "The whole family's coming tonight." "Could you give me a hand?" "OK, in a minute." "You OK?" "I heard moaning." "I had a stomach ache, but it's fine now." "You hate me?" "What?" "For making you study and give up dates?" "Uh, no." "You were right." "I'm telling you, those S.A.T. scores are your ticket." "Once you get to school, you'll meet lots of guys you'll like just as well as that Tod." "Why do you say, "That Tod"?" "It sounds so..." "You're right. I'm sorry." "It's been pleasant for a moment." "OK, I'll just give everybody spaghetti and salad, and I better cook a steak for my dad." "See you later, honey." "Are you OK?" "Oh, man, your mother can talk." "Gosh." "She hates my ass." "It's such a cute ass." "She heard the moaning." "She thought it was me." "So you're going to have to try and control yourself, Tod." "With you?" "It's impossible." "[Laughs]" "No." "Ooh, wait." "What?" "I brought something." "Ooh, good." "[Rock Music Plays]" "We can record our love." "Susan?" "Hi, sis." "It's Helen." "Did I loan you my big platter?" "Would you bring it tonight?" "I need it to serve." "Oh, listen, um..." "Julie got 1291 on her S.A.T.s." "I know. I know." "I feel so proud of her." "It's great." "How's Patty?" "We're a little disappointed with the effort she's been giving lately towards her work." "Math, French" "Oh, everything's gone downhill." "Nathan's talking to her right now." "He's trying to figure out what's wrong." "Look, Patty, all I'm saying is if you want to have just an ordinary academic career and attend an ordinary university, that's your prerogative." "I must tell you, you're selling yourself way short." "How's it going?" "Sometimes I feel as though we want it more than she does." "Patty, you know we love you." "Could you just give your father that little extra effort?" "OK, Mama." "That's all I ask." "[Toy Gun Firing]" "Come on, Kevin." "I got you." "Come on back, Kevin." "No!" "Kevin!" "Taylor!" "It's time to come in, children." "OK." "OK, Grandma." "Hey, hey!" "You want to not..." "Grandma." "Gil, your memory's good." "Was it yours or Helen or Susan's wedding I got drunk at?" "It was all three, Dad." "Congratulations." "Which one did I punch the band leader?" "That was mine." "We have photos." "I'm having them enlarged for the commitment hearings." "You think he's funny, huh?" "When he was a kid, he wasn't this funny." "Stayed in his room all day." "You were a moody little son-of-a-bitch." "Gee, l--l wonder why?" "Remember that little guy who wouldn't leave my side?" "Now if I take a step towards him, he just walks away." "I don't know what's happening to him." "He's so unhappy." "He won't talk to me, and I don't know how to help him." "Have you considered having Ed help?" "Are you kidding?" "He won't even acknowledge he's got these kids." "Now that he's got his new wife and his new kids." "He won't even fix my kids' teeth any more." "He says it makes him uncomfortable." "I wish he'd drop his drill down his pants." "Are you seeing anybody?" "Well, Garry's biology teacher asked me out." "Biology?" "That's promising." "Oh, no, no, no." "He's not the type I usually go for." ""The Penal Colony, by Franz Kafka."" "Nathan, Patty a doctor yet?" "Mock if you will." "All right." "Children are more capable of retaining information than we are, yet we treat them like adorable little morons." "What are you saying," "Patty can learn things I can't learn?" "Patty, which one of these is the square root of 8,649?" "93." "They're like sponges, Gil, just waiting to absorb." "I want this." "You see?" "Take my advice." "Forget about Kevin and Taylor." "It's too late." "Work on Justin." "Actually, Justin is quite bright." "In his preschool class, he was the only" "Slow down, Justin." "I'll get you some dip." "You remember that guy you dated in college, Jeffrey Sanders?" "He always chased me out of the room whenever he came over." "I saw him today." "What a loser, huh?" "In a Rolls." "I meant me." "What is that?" "Oh, Nathan, Patty, and I are power eating." "We bring our own food everywhere." "Nathan turned me on." "I never felt better." "This is it." "Everybody in the living room." "This is the big surprise." "Ohh, Larry!" "My baby." "You look great." "Dad!" "Hiya, son!" "Great to see you!" "Oh, shit!" "Well put." "Who's that?" "That's my kid brother Larry, your uncle." "Don't give him any money." "I won't." "Just a little something for being the world's best dad." "I found it a couple of months ago." "For your collection." "A toy car." "Oh, this is great!" "A Stutz!" "You got it, spend it on people you love." "Right?" "is this Grandma?" "Yeah." "She's still alive." "Ohh!" "Jesus, Grandma, you got short." "I'm shrinking." "Bummer." "Gilbo." "Larry." "How long's it been, three years?" "About that." "You stopped wearing your turban." "Yeah." "My God, Susan, you look great." "If you weren't my sister..." "Helen... I know it's been hard." "Dad?" "You were supposed to wait outside so I could introduce you." "Well, why don't you do it now, Larry?" "Everybody... this is my son..." "Cool." "Did he say Cool?" "Cool." "Your son?" "It's a long story." "Let's eat." "Keep Patty away from my brother." "He'll suck the intelligence right out of her." "Cool is adorable." "Adorable." "Why didn't you write us about your son?" "I didn't know myself until several months ago." "You see..." "a few years ago, I was living in Vegas with this girl--showgirl." "She was in that show Elvis On Ice." "Anywho, we drifted apart as people do in these complicated times." "Then a couple of months ago, she shows up with Cool, tells me, "You watch him." ""l shot someone." "I have to leave the country."" "That's a parent?" "Anyway, we're back in town because I've got something really huge cooking." "Enormo." "A monster." "Dad, this is it." "From now on, I'm taking care of all of you." "This isn't another get-rich-quick scheme?" "What's wrong with that?" "Quick is the best way to get rich." "Look who I'm talking to." "In her family, if they find a nickel, they bury it like squirrels." "What's the deal?" "What do you have going?" "Has anyone heard of hydroponics?" "Well, that's great, Larry." "Hydroponics is the growing of plants without soil." "It's very exciting." "What are you using, coarse sand or suspension hydroponics?" "I don't" "Hey." "A guy with a lab coat makes that decision." "I make the deal." "I got to thinking," "Cool's had no kind of life, no family." "So while I'm locking this down, how about staying with you?" "With us?" "Couple weeks." "Thing is, there's no big house any more." "We didn't need it." "There's just one bedroom for us and one for Grandma." "Grandma can stay with us awhile." "It's valuable for Patty to have multi-generational influences." "Fine with me." "Well..." "I'll have to give you a list of the medications." "You'll have to get her shower chair." "There's batteries for her hearing aid, magnifying glass..." "Oh." "Oh, Jeez." "What happened?" "Your mouth used up all the power." "Don't worry, Dad." "You'll find the bar." "Where's the flashlight?" "In my nightstand." "Mom!" "Dad!" "What happened?" "Kevin!" "You know I don't like the dark." "Patty, this is a temporary interruption in the electrical supply of the home." "Where's the switch?" "Oh, here it is." "[Buzzing]" "What is this?" "Oh!" "Mommy, what was that?" "That was an electric ear cleaner." "It was kind of big." "It sure was." "I don't think you have to worry about it." "Once they see us, they'll realize we're fine and then the kid is fine..." "Gil, Karen, I think we're going to have to be very careful about Kevin's educational environment." "Absolutely." "With that in mind, I don't think Kevin should return here next fall." "I'm going to recommend he be transferred to a school that offers Special Education classes." "You mean b-because he's so smart?" "Well, actually, I mean a class for children with emotional problems." "Hi." "Sorry I'm late." "You must be the Buckmans." "I'm Dr Jeffrey Lucas." "Dr Lucas is a child psychologist." "He's been observing Kevin for the last couple months." "Why?" "Mr Buckman, this is a public school." "38 kids to a class." "We estimate Kevin's teacher spends at least 20% of her time dealing with Kevin." "That class will finish the year behind." "It isn't fair." "Kevin's a very sweet, very sensitive, extremely tense little boy." "But he needs some special attention." "It's because he was first." "Hmm?" "It's because he was our first." "We were very tense when Kevin was little." "If he got a scratch, we were hysterical." "By the third kid, you let them juggle knives." "Another possibility-- this could start in the womb." "Recent studies indicate these things are all chemical." "She smoked grass." "Gil!" "l--l never smoked when pregnant." "In college you were like a chimney." "15 years ago!" "There could be chromosome distortion." "Well, you let them do anything." "They watch TV like that." "So we'll throw the TVs out, and you and I, we'll perform works from Shakespeare." "I'm sorry." "I'm just a little thrown off by this." "Gil..." "Karen... you shouldn't look at Kevin's attendance at a special school as any kind of failure on your part." "No. I'll blame the dog." "In an educational environment that's more sensitive to his needs" "All right, look." "Kevin's not going to special schools." "Right or not, there's a stigma." "People are cruel, especially children." "I won't subject Kevin to that kind of cruelty." "If we have to, we'll send him to a private school." "I don't care about cost." "I'll get a second job." "Mr and Mrs Buckman, this is a problem that won't just go away." "If we need to, we'll send Kevin to a therapist." "That's right." "Look, it's a problem." "We're aware of it." "But we're his parents." "We can handle it." "Well, um... the next school year is four months off, so let's see what can be accomplished, hmm?" "No." "Tod!" "Tod." "I need to see." "Not in the street." "Please." "Please." "Mmm." "Mmm." "What is this?" "My mother's promotion party at the bank." "Excuse me." "This is the wrong batch." "This is my mother's." "There should be another envelope for Buckman." "OK." "That was picked up already." "By who?" "l--l--l..." "I think this one is my favourite." "This is just... lt was just for fun, mom." "Well, I'm glad to know it's not a job." "That's that Tod, isn't it?" "There's one with his face." "That's what bothers you, that I did those things with Tod?" "Gee whiz, Julie, so many things bother me about this, I don't know how to separate them." "Oh!" "Whoo!" "Here's something for my wallet." "Tod is important to me." "We've got pictures proving that." "Mom" "This is your room." "You did these things right here in my house?" "I thought someone around here ought to be having sex... with something that doesn't require batteries." "What did you say to me?" "Damn it, you get back here!" "Open this door, goddam it to hell!" "I'd just like a little respect." "Not a lot." "Just a little." "Do you know why I'm having sex with machinery?" "Your father left to party." "I stayed to raise kids." "And I have no life!" "Goddam it!" "What are you doing?" "Leaving before I say something I'll regret." "Something worse than the battery remark?" "Tod and I are in love." "It's not going-steady love, it's love." "I need him." "He's my life." "He touches me..." "and I quiver." "Would you give me just a small break?" "See?" "You can't handle it." "Tod's working now." "We'll find a place to live somewhere." "Hi, Garry." "Hi." "I'm moving out, Garry." "Bye." "See?" "You've upset your brother!" "Julie, I'm telling you, you walk out of this house, don't ever think about coming back." "Fine." "Julie!" "Julie!" "Julie!" "Honey." "Honey, I'm always here if you need me." "Sweetheart!" "Honey, be careful." "If you want anything, just call." "Julie..." "Bye." "Aw, man!" "Incredible!" "Just incredible." "I knew you'd be the one who'd appreciate this." "Ah, three years." "Every night." "Every weekend." "I had dinner out here!" "You know, it was junk when I found it." "First time I got laid was in a car like this." "Frank." "What?" "Cool just finished lunch." "I'll call the newspaper." "I thought you and Larry could take him somewhere." "I am showing Larry my car." "Plop him by the TV." "It's what he always does." "Wasn't that Super Bowl incredible, right down to the last minute?" "Amazing." "They're usually not that close, huh?" "Oh, no." "Usually the winning team covers the point spread." "You can count on it." "Take a beating?" "No, thanks." "I already took one." "Anyway... I had to pay off, and it's left me a little..." "What do you need?" "Huh?" "Come on." "Don't insult me." "I didn't come here to be insulted." "Come on." "Working deals, you've got to look like you can piss with the big boys." "You see?" "You know." "How much?" "Couple thousand." "3--tops." "3?" "Tops." "Hiiyyy..." "Yah!" "Eyah!" "Hyah!" "Asah." "Oos, sensei." "Good." "See, Grandma," "Patty studies Eastern philosophy." "Future leaders need to be in tune with the Oriental mind." "OK, sweetie, one more time." "Nathan, guess what?" "Oh, you're home early." "I have good news." "What?" "What's up?" "I'm going to teach summer school." "We'll have vacation money." "That's great!" "Mmm." "Mexico." "Si, si." "Gil and Karen are taking Patty." "I want to call them." "Gee, I'm really not too pro on Patty staying with Gil." "Why not?" "They offered." "I'm a little concerned about his jocularity." "He's a wonderful guy, except he's a little lighthearted about things that I, you know, that we consider important." "She has fun over there." "You know, she scampers, she cavorts." "Hey, try this-- we take Patty with us." "To Mexico?" "Perfect opportunity to start her on Spanish." "It'll be fun." "Nathan... I thought we wanted to be alone." "We will be." "We'll get two rooms." "Which one will I be in?" "Patty!" "Venga aqui." "That means "come here" in Spanish." "Por favor." "Please." "I want you to listen to something." "I got a tape of a Mariachi band." "It's a native Mexican form of music." "[Mariachi Music Plays]" "Oh, Gil." "Good morning." "Hello, Cindy." "[Knock On Door]" "When were you going to tell me?" "Tell you what?" "Lenny called." "He wondered where we should take Phil Richards to celebrate his partnership." "That Lenny is an asshole." "Nobody was supposed to have that information until next month." "That partnership is mine." "You said Ted's surgery held it up" "When he got back, it'd be official." "Look, I never said you didn't do great work." "Every firm does good work." "Look, I know you're smarter than Phil, but the guy works like a Trojan." "He brings in business." "He's here nights, weekends." "I own the guy." "That's what puts your name on the door." "This is really coming out of left field." "I've been here eight years." "I'm the backbone of the operation." "If I don't get this partnership, I got to think about going somewhere else." "I got to tell you, that's not a realistic idea." "Why?" "You go somewhere else, you get in line behind younger guys who've been there longer, who are more committed and willing to work for less money." "Look... this thing with Phil is not etched in stone." "I can jerk him along for the next month." "You use that time to give us your best shot." "Dazzle me." "Dazzle you?" "Listen, Dave, I'm having a problem at home." "I need to spend extra time with my son right now." "Then I don't know what we can do." "Get this guy!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Git, git, git..." "Oh!" "Well..." "They're bad dudes." "That's why they call the game "Bad Dudes."" "Got enough quarters?" "Dad?" "Yeah?" "How come I'm seeing a psychiatrist?" "We were going to have a talk about that." "What's wrong with me?" "Nothing." "Nothing." "You're great." "Then how come" "Look." "Look." "You're a kid..." "like I was." "You have a lot of worries, that's all." "These doctors, they're experts at helping people with their worries." "It's nothing to feel bad about." "Look, you're a great kid, and I love you very much, OK?" "OK." "Hey, you know what I think?" "This will be a great summer for you." "And you've got a birthday soon." "Let's have a great party." "Can we have Cowboy Dan?" "Who?" "Cowboy Dan, the gunfighting balloon man." "He was at Billy's party." "He's cool." "Absolutely." "It's a done deal." "This is your dad talking." "Now I'm excited." "OK." "What do we say when a cute young girl walks by?" "Hubba hubba." "Hubba hubba." "OK." "Don't tell your mom I taught you that." "Let's go." "Wow!" "You like it?" "Yeah." "It's good." "It's shiny." "Yeah." "You know, it was junk when I found it." "The first time I got laid was-- that's a story for another time." "[Tyres Squeal]" "Oof!" "Hi, Dad." "Dinner ready?" "What was that?" "Huh?" "Oh, some friends were just dropping me off." "Friends?" "Friends slow down." "They even stop." "Ha ha ha." "Dad, who was that..." "[Sobbing]" "Sweetie, you're going to be OK." "Honey, why would you be panhandling?" "I needed money for a place to stay." "Julie, you have a place to stay." "I'd have to tell you what happened." "What happened?" "I don't want to tell you." "Did you leave Tod?" "Yes." "He promised he'd start a house painting business." "Then he said he changed his mind." "He's going to race dragsters with his brothers." "He can't even drive a regular car." "So his brothers came over, and we started fighting." "He said, "No bitch is going to tell me what to do for a living."" "God." "He told me he loved me." "Sweetie..." "Oh, they say that... and then they come." "Honey, what can you expect from a kid like that?" "Oh, Mom, back off." "The last guy you dated stole our furniture." "Men are scum." "I know." "I know, sweetie." "Men are scum." "Hi, Garry." "Honey, Julie's home." "Great." "Come on." "Let's go eat lots of ice cream." "You want an ice cream soda?" "No." "How about a hot fudge sundae?" "No." "Banana split?" "No." "Something like french fries?" "Yeah." "Julie!" "Tod." "I thought I'd find you here." "You're Sherlock Holmes?" "I live here." "You live with me." "Not if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!" "Excuse me." "I'm gone." "You're not leaving till you hear me out." "I'm not?" "Let go of me!" "Julie!" "Let her go!" "Let her go!" "Goddam it!" "Let her go!" "Please, Mrs Buckman, I love her." "You can't run out." "You're my wife!" "If you don't let" "You're his what?" "His wife." "We got married a couple days ago." "Are you out of your mind?" "No, please." "Mrs Buckman." "Julie, I didn't mean it." "What?" "I'm sorry." "My brothers were ragging on me." "I couldn't back down." "But last night, I told them." "They mean nothing." "You mean everything." "Oh, Tod." "Christ." "OK." "Look lively." "Look lively." "Shortstop, here it goes." "Pick it up." "Easy." "Now over to first." "That's good." "All right." "You're beautiful." "You're a bunch of... wild, young bohemians." "OK." "Let's go again." "Second base." "Get down on it." "Don't be afraid." "It can't hurt you." "Get down on it." "Ow!" "Wayne, get Ben some ice." "We're going to need a new second baseman." "Which one of you outfielders wants to try?" "Huh?" "How about you, Kevin?" "You want to try second base?" "OK." "All right!" "Ohh..." "Matt, come on." "We're a team." "Get out there and hustle." "Let's go!" "Hey, Kevin." "Remember-- the word is fun." "Just go out there, and what you catch you catch, what you miss you miss." "OK, Dad." "OK." "Way to go, Kevin!" "And now it is my great pleasure to introduce our valedictorian..." "Kevin Buckman." "Thank you." "You know, when I was 9 years old, I had kind of a rough time." "Some people thought I was pretty mixed up, but there was one person who got me through it." "He did everything right." "And thanks to him, today... well, I'm the happiest, most confident, and most well-adjusted person in this world." "Dad... I love you." "You're the greatest." "[Applause]" "All right." "All right!" "One more out, guys." "Let's go." "Let's go!" "How's your arm, Sean, not too tired?" "Hey, Gil, our boys finally going to win one?" "Way to be supportive, Lou." "That's right, Kevin!" "Way to go!" "Way to go, Tommy!" "All right!" "You got bases loaded." "We're only one run down." "You can do it." "Please, God, let them win one game." "I got it!" "Oh, no!" "You stink, Buckman." "He had no business being out there!" "No business!" "No!" "He had no business being out there!" "He's terrible!" "Why did you make me play second base?" "Aah!" "[Automatic Weapons Fire]" "Someone's on the roof of the bell tower with a rifle!" "It's Kevin Buckman!" "His father totally screwed him up." "What's he yelling?" "You made me play second base!" "Kevin, I'm sorry!" "I did the best I could!" "Nice shot, son." "It's important to be supportive." "Come on." "Let's sing one of the old tunes!" "When you're sliding into home" "And your pants are full of foam" "Diarrhoea" "Well?" "Why are you pouring water through my diaphragm?" "To check." "To see if it's OK." "You didn't know I did that, did you?" "Or you wouldn't have tried this." "Are you accusing me of making that hole?" "A woodpecker came in, opened the drawer with its little wing, and pecked holes in your diaphragm." "You're jeopardizing our plans." "A majority of exceptional people are only children or first-born with at least five years between sibs." "We agreed" "You agreed!" "They're not sibs, they're babies, and I want another one." "And you go about it by vandalizing contraceptive devices?" "You won't discuss it." "I did!" "Years ago." "I think we were wrong." "I think we were right." "I'm not discussing it again." "Tod!" "Yeah?" "Do you want me to cook you breakfast?" "No, thanks." "Julie will." "Great. I'll get the fire extinguisher." "See you guys at dinner." "[Buzzing]" "Sweet Jesus!" "What are you doing?" "Are you joining the marines?" "I knew you'd make a thing out of this." "Just clean up the hair." "Ha ha ha!" "You ready?" "You want anything to eat?" "How long are they going to be living here?" "Not much longer, I think." "Well, I was just thinking... it's getting pretty crowded here." "Oh, there's a lot more room since they shaved their heads." "Well, I was just thinking... m-m-maybe I could stay with Dad for a while." "What?" "I've been here a long time." "Maybe I should live with him for a while." "You want to live with your father?" "Kind of." "Have you talked to your father about that?" "No." "Not yet." "l--l thought I'd call him." "Honey... you don't know your father like I do." "I don't know him at all." "What's his number?" "Well, uh..." "He'd be--He'd be at work now." "So that's, uh... 206... 57... 90." "Yeah, yeah." "is Dr Lampkin there?" "His son." "No, Dad, it's not Joey." "It's Garry, your other son." "I need to ask you something." "It will just take a second." "Wou.." "Would it be OK if I stay with you for a while?" "A few months?" "OK." "Oh, Andy..." "Shit." "He, um..." "He didn't think it was such a good idea." "Oh, sweetie... I got to go." "Gil!" "When's Cowboy Dan the gun fighting balloon man coming?" "Isn't that him?" " No!" " No!" "No!" "That's the schmuck who brought the horse." "I don't think he's coming." "Of course he is." "He's a professional." "Would he discredit the entire balloon-bending profession?" "Go have fun." "We'll have burgers and dogs in a second." "Let's watch the horse shit." "Why don't you play with Justin?" "I don't understand what he's doing." "Well, he's...spinning." "What for?" "Uh...no reason." "Just for fun." "It doesn't look like fun." "It isn't." "You tried it?" "So, does Julie have a nice place?" "Oh, yeah." "She has a lovely place." "She has my place." "She and that Tod live in my house." "Really?" "Well, actually, it was my idea." "Otherwise she was going to quit school, get a job, and... I don't know, maybe this way she'll still go to college." "All right, all right." "Here we go." "The thumb trick." "Ready?" "Watch it." "Watch it." "Whoa." "What are you doing?" "Thumb trick." "Show her, Dad." "OK." "But this is the last time." "Here we go." "Ready?" "Aah!" "Justin's going to go full-time next year, so everybody's asking when I'll go back to work." "I'm thinking about it." "I used to work." "It was OK, but..." "You know, I think I'm better at this." "I think I'm..." "sort of good at it." "But people make me feel embarrassed for not having goals or something." "Like I sit around eating bonbons all day." "Oh, I don't know." "What does Gil say?" "He says I should do whatever I want." "I could have killed him for that." "Why are you so upset?" "She's a weird child." "Preschool could be very helpful." "It's not the right age for Patty to be socially activated." "She's not a bomb." "She's a little kid who's unable to relate to other kids." "Want her to relate to him?" "Help, help, help." "When I met him, I was a little wild, out of control, and he kind of..." "took me in hand." "I liked that." "He's very..." "commanding." "He got me into teaching." "He got my shit together." "Boy, he really turned me on." "Really?" "I mean--of course." "Really?" "Oh, we used to be hot." "I know he doesn't look it, but we were like rabbits." "I used to give him, you know... oral, you know... on the highway." "What?" "He always wanted to get a research grant." "And you thought that would help?" "No." "But... I mean, he kept getting turned down." "He'd get real tense." "So, if I saw him getting, you know, really tense, I'd just... lean over while he was driving." "Susan." "Huh?" "What?" "Grandma wants to stay at Helen's for a while." "Can you drive her?" "Sure." "He likes to butt things with his head." "How proud you must be." "Here it is." "Right in front of you." "Let's take this off." "Now really try and hit it." "Yeah." "Give it a good shot." "Give it a good whack." "Get your shoulder in and whack!" "Just kill it." "Kill it!" "[High-Pitched Voice] When I was born," "Grover Cleveland was president." "I'm sorry I'm late." "Where should I do it?" "Who are you, and what are you going to do?" "I'm from Party Time Entertainment." "I'm your stripper." "What's the birthday boy's name?" "I paint it across my breasts." "It was a mix-up." "I got Cowboy Dan's card, and he got mine." "And Cowboy Dan?" "He is coming?" "He went to the Lodge Hall, and they were expecting me." "They beat him severely." "So Cowboy Dan ain't coming." "Cowboy Dan's not coming?" "Come on." "Hold it together." "I knew it." "All the kids are going to hate me, just like Little League." "Cowboy Dan is coming." "Gil!" "He's coming." "Cowboy Dan is coming." "Howdy, pardner." "You're Kevin's father." "You're not Cowboy Dan." " Yeah!" " Boo!" "That's right." "They call me Cowboy Gil." "As in...guil-ty." "I saw Cowboy Dan." "I didn't like the look on his face." "It was like this." "So I killed him." "I blew a hole in him this big." " Oh!" " l don't believe it!" "Actually, it was about this big." " Come on!" " No!" "When I think about it, that hole was about this big." " Whoa!" " Yeah!" "Yeah, and his guts were spilled out all over the floor." "As I walked away, I was slippin' on his guts." "Other people came by." "They started slipping' on his guts, too." "After I blow a hole in somebody and slip around on their guts, afterwards, I always like to... make balloon animals." " Yay!" " Yay!" "Mighty courteous of you." "Here we go." "What's he doing?" "I don't know." "Your lower intestines." "Why, you little lily-livered lumps of cat meat!" "Where's Cowboy Gil?" "Ambush, you little four-footers!" "And here it is." "Made with a quart of milk, two cups of sugar, and three cow pies." "Get off the horse before you hurt yourself." "I got to make a big exit." "That's Cowboy Gil's woman." "Take a bow, little lady." "Hi." "Hi." "I hope when I mosey back this way, you don't mind if I stop in and say hello." "I'll be moseying back to Abilene." "Keep your powder and your pants dry." "Kevin, I hope this is the best dang birthday you ever had." "Adios, my buckaroos." "Yipee ti-ya-ho ya-hoo!" "Giddyup, thunder thighs!" "Adios, buckaroos!" "Don't try and follow me to Abilene." "Yipee-ti-ya-hoo!" "Ohh!" "Good night, sweetheart." "Good night, Mom." "Have a nice birthday?" "Dad was funny." "He sure was." "Well, good night, 9-year-old boy." "Happy birthday, kiddo." "Dad?" "When I grow up, can I work with you?" "Why?" "So we can still see each other every day." "Good night." "I love you." "I love you, too." "Mom?" "Hubba hubba." "Garry!" "Garry." "Aah!" "Let me out of here, mango face!" "Hello, Helen?" "Oh, the door was unlocked." "Oh, my God." "What channel is this?" "No, Gran, this is a tape." "She needs a man." "Now." "Gran, this isn't mine." "I don't watch this." "What's everybody doing in here?" "Did you break my lock?" "Susie, Gran, please go to my room." "Sure." "One of those men reminded me of your grandpa," "God bless him." "Garry, listen." "How could you break my lock?" "I was afraid you were on drugs." "Why?" "Because of what you did to your father's office." "What do you mean?" "He found your hammer." "You know, those were your initials burned into the handle." "Someone must have taken it." "Garry, don't." "Honey, you have all these feelings." "You're right to have all these feelings." "You're a great kid." "You're a great kid, honey." "You've just got a lousy dad." "And you've just got to learn to say the hell with him." "Actually, that's good advice for both of us." "The hell with him!" "I don't know what to say about the tapes." "You know, well, I assume that, you know, that you're-- you're watching these because you're curious about sex." "Or filmmaking." "Um... is there anything you'd like to ask?" "Who?" "Me?" "No." "What about Uncle Gil?" "He's busy with his own kids." "Hi." "Hi." "Where's my wife?" "She's at cheerleading practise." "Bitchin'." "So what's up?" "Would you like to speak to Tod?" "Could I speak frankly, no holds barred?" "Please." "That is one messed up little dude." "Sure we can talk straight?" "Um..." "A few months ago, Garry got his first boner." "You know what that is?" "If memory serves." "Oh, great." "Anyway, since then, he's been, uh... slapping the salami." "No offence." "No." "Apparently, he's going for a world record." "Chicken's burning." "Oh!" "Oh." "Damn, that looked good, too." "Anyway, uh... he was afraid there was something wrong with him, like he was a pervert." "I told him that's what little dudes do." "I mean, we've all done it." "That made him happy." "Garry was happy?" "Yeah." "He even smiled." "I never even knew he had teeth." "I guess a boy Garry's age really needs a man around." "Yeah, well...mmm... it depends on the man." "I had a man around." "He used to wake me up by flicking lit cigarettes at my head." ""Hey, asshole, get up and make me breakfast."" "You know, Ms Buckman, you need a licence to buy a dog or drive a car." "Hell, you need a licence to catch a fish." "But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father." "Well, I'm going to pick up Julie." "They're hassling her about her hair." "She does look kind of stupid." "I don't know what we were thinking about." "Tod." "Thanks." "Don't you cry for me" "For I come from Alabama" "With my banjo on my knee" "Kevin wants to go." "What happened to all those quarters?" "Another kid took them." "Shut up!" "What kid?" "Never mind." "Can we just go?" "It was that kid!" "That kid's not bigger than you." "Go get your money." "Dad, let me handle it, OK?" "Do you want me to help?" "No!" "Can we just go?" "OK." "OK?" "That's a little kid." "Justin can beat him up." "Will you shut up, Dad?" "Aah!" "Oh, no!" "What's the matter?" "I lost my retainer!" "Where?" "Shh, honey." "I put it on the table." "Just relax." "Kevin, it's OK, honey." "It's his retainer." "He lost his retainer." "It's all right, sweetheart." "It's OK." "We'll find it." "Ugh." "Oh, God." "Here, let me." "Where are the kids?" "Your folks drove them home." "They'll wait with them." "All Kevin needs is time alone with my dad." "Yuck." "Let's just go." "Gil, they're $200." "If you dropped $200 in here, you'd look, right?" "Yeah." "Face it." "He's getting worse." "He has good days and bad days." "Why is he so high-strung?" "He's like a poodle." "Everything's blown out of proportion." "Where does he get this obsessive behaviour?" "I wish I knew." "They're going to put him in Special Ed." "What did you think, that you'd dress up like a cowboy and coach Little League and Kevin would be fine?" "No." "I mean, no, I didn't." "Yeah." "Yeah, OK, I did." "Well, honey, you were really kidding yourself." "You know, when your kid is born, it can still be perfect." "You haven't made any mistakes yet." "And then they... they grow up to be like... like me." "I'll be home late tomorrow." "How come?" "I'm attempting to dazzle Dave." "I'm putting together a major income property thing for one of our bigger clients." "Has Dave said anything?" "Thursday, when I left for Little League, he said, "Let's all thank Gil for stopping by."" "Not a good sign." "You know worrying won't help." "God, I'm so tense." "You're tense right now, honey?" "My back is tense, My neck is tense." "My ears are tense." "It's like they're hot." "Maybe I could do something to help you relax." "I doubt it, honey." "I'd like to try." "I am so sorry." "It's all right, honey." "It was my fault." "You took me by surprise." "So... how did this happen?" "Show him, honey." "It's awfully late, Frank." "We need to get Cool right to bed." "He'll be all right." "Hi, Dad." "Take the boy inside." "I had to take it out for a spin." "It purrs like a kitten." "You're wondering why I took it out." "I wanted to have it appraised." "Only they can't appraise it without the paperwork-- registration, proof of purchase." "You got those things around?" "I'm not a shmuck!" "You were going to sell it!" "Sell" "Dad..." "Don't bullshit me any more!" "It belittles us both." "I want you out of the house." "They're going to kill me." "Bookies?" "Friggin' basketball." "I had a lock." "This son-of-a-bitch rookie throws in a 50-footer at the buzzer." "It was a nightmare." "It was like he reached into my chest and ripped out" "Aw, shut up!" "How much do you owe?" "The truth now!" "$26,000." "Jesus." "Dad, I'll never gamble again, I swear to God, but these guys mean business." "What about that 3,000?" "I took it to the track-- to run it up so I wouldn't have to hit you for the whole amount." "What's the matter with you?" "You're not a kid any more." "You're not stupid." "Dad, I can't get a break." "I have been so close so many times." "Did you ever think about getting a job?" "Oh, great." "That is just great." "What did you always tell me, huh?" ""Make your mark!" ""Don't be one of the numbers." "Make your mark."" "You misunderstood me." "You weren't listening." "Aw, come on!" "If I called to say," ""l'm assistant vice president of pencil sharpening at some crappy company,"" "you'd think that's great?" "I am better than that!" "I am not Gil!" "Look... I've made some mistakes." "I have to learn from them." "They're going to kill me, Dad... with pain." "I'm your son." "Hydrogen." "Helium." "Carbon." "Excuse me?" "Honey, I don't mean to interrupt, but I've made new cards." "Really?" "That's great, Mommy." "I'm so glad you're back with the programme." "Let's do your cards." "I'll show them to you and make sure they're appropriate." "OK." "Sweetheart, Mommy and Daddy will be back in two minutes." "How many seconds is that?" "120." "Excelente." ""This is..." ""the only way..." ""l can get... your attention."" "Honey, this is really basic stuff." "She's way beyond this." ""l'm leaving you..."" "You're leaving me?" ""Yes."" "Well, thank you." "I really had a great time." "It's been years since anybody's taken me to a carnival." "You thought that was a carnival?" "That was my parents' house." "You're funny for a biology teacher." "Thank you." "Would you like to come in?" "Sure." "Aah!" " Whoa!" " Whoa!" "Hi, guys." "Hi, Ms B." "Hi, Mom." "Hi, Mr Bowman." "Aah!" "Ow!" "Gaah!" "Ha ha." "Uh." "Aah!" "Nice knee drop, honey." "Do you want some coffee?" "I'd love some." "The kitchen's right there." "Can I ask you something?" "Sure." "How come you finally went out with me?" "My grandmother told me to." "No, really." "She's been staying here, but tomorrow I'm taking her to my brother Gil's." "Julie, I'd like to introduce you to" "Tod!" "Julie." "What's up?" "Did you get the twinkies?" "I found..." "this in the car." "You're racing again, aren't you?" "Yeah, so what?" "You promised, that's what!" "I changed my mind." "You changed your mind." "Yeah, I changed my mind!" "What about house painting?" "I gave it up." "That was your future." "Well..." "Dave and Rod kind of took all the equipment and split." "I don't know where they are." "I told you not to trust those guys." "Didn't I tell you?" "I'm not as smart as you, OK?" "I didn't get 13,000 on my S.A.T.s, OK?" "I'm stupid, OK?" "OK." "Julie." "Butt out." "Maybe I should leave." "No!" "Maybe I should leave." "What do you mean, "maybe"?" "Tod!" "What is it with women in this family?" "They make the men leave." "[Door Slams] lf he thinks I'm having his baby now, he's crazy!" "Baby?" "Your daughter is having a baby?" "A baby?" "You're going to be a grandma?" "No, no, no, no." "I'm too young." "Grandmothers are old." "They bake, and they sew, and they tell you stories about the Depression." "I was at Woodstock, for Christ's sake!" "I peed in a field!" "I've hung onto The Who's helicopter as it flew away!" "I was at Woodstock." "Oh, yeah?" "I thought you looked familiar." "Gil, I've spoken with Ted and Dan, and we have decided to make Phil Richards a partner." "Holy shit." "I know you're upset." "Upset?" "Haven't you seen the deals I've put together?" "I've been killing myself." "Aren't you dazzled?" "You still don't get it, do you?" "Phil has just brought in three brand-new multimillion-dollar clients." "He has spent the last month wining and dining these guys, getting them laid." "He doesn't tell me about problems with his kids-- if he has kids." "If this man's dick fell off, he would still come to work." "He is an animal." "That's what dazzles, not the work." "You can't do what he does." "You hate that shit." "Now, Phil Richards-- l quit!" "Oh, Gil." "Forget it." "Phil brought you some big clients." "You're happy." "Oh, Gil." "I'll call my clients, then I'm out of here." "Don't make me a party." "Gi-i-i-l." "Da-a-ave." "Let me have the ball!" "Gotcha!" "Hey, this is not a playground, OK?" "Dad!" "Not now." "Not now!" "Knock it off!" "God, I can't believe they did this." "Oh." "The other kids left, ours are watching a tape," "Helen dropped your grandma off." "Let's talk." "I quit my job." "Why?" "They gave the partnership to Phil Richards." "This is a guy who leaves his family, then puts his money in his girlfriend's name so they can't touch him for child support." "I mean, the guy is..." "Anyway, I couldn't stand it." "I snapped." "Can you still change your mind?" "What do you mean?" "I quit." "Did you say anything that would make it difficult for them to take you back?" "I was hoping you would be more supportive." "It's not-- l'm pregnant." "What do you..." "What do you..." "Since when?" "Since l--l am." "I'm due in February." "I didn't want to say anything until I was sure." "How did this happen?" "It was an accident." "Anyhow, now isn't the best time for you to be out of work or starting a new job." "You didn't tell me this might happen." "You never told me you might quit." "It was a spur of the moment decision." "Pretty big one." "What should I do, crawl back, kiss Dave's feet, and get my crappy job back?" "I quit." "If I go back now, I'm a eunuch." "This puts a minor crimp in my life, too." "I was thinking about working in the fall." "Now I can't." "Well, that's the difference between men and women-- women have choices, men have responsibilities." "Oh, really?" "Oh, OK... well, then I choose for you to have the baby." "That's my choice." "You have the baby!" "You get fat!" "You breast feed till your nipples are sore!" "I'll go back to work!" "Let's return from La-La Land because that won't happen." "Whether I crawl back or get another job, now I'll have to spend less time at home." "I'll have to have business dinners, I'll have to play racquetball, and I'll have to get guys laid." "I hope you don't mind me bringing home some prostitutes, because that's what it takes to get anywhere." "Whatever happens, you have to count on less help from me." "Why don't you say what you're really thinking?" "What am I thinking?" "I should have an abortion." "I didn't say that." "That's a decision every woman has to make on her own." "Are you running for Congress?" "Don't give me that." "I want your opinion about this." "Let's pretend it's your decision." "Pretend you're a caveman or your father." "What do you want me to do?" "I want... I want whatever you want." "Well, I want to have the baby." "Well, great!" "Let's have it, then." "Let's see how I can screw the fourth one up." "Hey, let's have five, six." "Let's have a dozen and pretend they're doughnuts!" "I'm really happy about things, aren't you?" "You know, with your frame of mind, not only am I not sure about having another baby, I'm not sure about keeping the three we've got." "I'm ready to discuss it, but I'm going to Little League." "I'm guiding 10 boys into last place." "You really have to go?" "My whole life is "have to."" "Kevin, get your glove." "I thought I didn't have to play any more." "I'm changing my mind." "If I have to go, you have to go." "Kevin, this one's for you." " Aw!" " Aw!" "Get behind the ball." "It's easier to come in." "Hi, Dad." "What are you doing here?" "Karen said you were here." "Can I speak to you a second?" "Yeah." "Hey, Wayne, can you take over a second?" "What's up?" "I need your advice." "Wait a second." "My--My head is spinning." "Come on." "Look..." "Larry needs $26,000, or gamblers are going to kill him." "Jesus." "I'm supposed to decide whether to give it to him." "And you want my advice?" "Why me?" "Why now?" "Because I know you think I was a shitty father." "Thank you for not arguing." "And I know you're a good father." "So tell me, what would you do?" "You've got that kind of money?" "I got it." "It's going to hurt." "I wanted to retire next year." "This will put that off for a while." "A long while." "I never should've had four." "You know, when you were 2 years old, we thought you had polio." "Did you know about that?" "Yeah." "Mom once said something." "Yeah, well, for a week, we didn't know." "I hated you for that." "What?" "I did." "I did. l--l... I hated having to go through that-- caring... worrying and pain." "It's not for me." "And you know, it's not like that all ends when you're 18 or 21 or 41 or 61." "It never, never ends." "It's like your Aunt Edna's ass-- it goes on forever, and it's just as frightening." "That's true." "There is no end zone." "You never cross the goal line, spike the ball, do your touchdown dance." "Never." "I'm 64..." "Larry's 27... and he's still my son... like Kevin is your son." "Do you think I want him to get hurt?" "He's my son." "Hey..." "Come on." "Ah, I'm all right." "I'll figure it out." "Hey." "Who's to say who's the shitty father?" "Kevin's in therapy." "We got called to school last year because Taylor was kissing all the boys." "Justin keeps ramming things with his head." "My career is in the shithouse." "You worry too much." "You always did." "[Cheering]" "OK, let's go." "Let's get them." "Let's get this one." "Come on, you can do it." "We need one more out!" "Can't you field a ground ball?" "One more comment and you're out of there." "I don't care what happens." "Why yell at him?" "He's the only player you've got." "Matt!" "We need one more out." "Wherever it's hit, you go for it." "It's the only chance you have to win." "All right, don't blow it!" "All right, no big deal, no big deal." "One more out." "Come on." "Just relax." "Relax and concentrate." "Let's go." "One more." "Let's go." "Oh, shit." "Get it, Matt!" "He's out of there!" "I'm going to help you." "Oh, Dad." "Now, we see these gangsters, and we agree to pay them $1,000 a month." "They're businessmen." "They'll see that something is better than nothing." "Then..." "Monday morning, 8 A.M., you come to work with me at my place." "I'm going to teach you the business." "Plumbing supplies." "And in a few years, I'll retire, and you'll take over." "Meanwhile, as long as you're working and if you agree to go to Gamblers Anonymous, I'll keep paying your debt." "That's it." "OK." "OK." "Let me just add a wrinkle." "About an hour ago, I got a phone call from an associate in Chile." "Big opportunity." "Platinum." "Why don't I toddle off down there a couple months, see if it pans out?" "If it does, great." "If not... we put the Frank Buckman plan into effect." "Sound good?" "Sure." "Great." "Oh, uh... I could use a little... 2,000 enough?" "Ample." "Ample." "Well, I better pack." "What about Cool?" "Huh?" "Oh, Jesus." "That's a tough one." "This is not really the kind of trip that..." "Listen, how about if..." "Don't worry about it." "My dad's going away." "Yes." "He's leaving right away." "Yes." "is he ever coming back?" "No." "Would you like to stay here?" "Yeah." "Good." "Good morning, Mrs Haffner." "Hi, Michelle." "Susan, I need to talk to you." "I have a class." "Come home." "This is bad for Patty." "I've got to go." "No, wait." "Let me go." "It's bad for me, too." "I love you, Susan." "Those are words." "They don't solve anything." "I can compromise." "I can change." "Nathan, I don't think you're capable of change." "We're way behind because of yesterday's bomb threat, so let's get going." "Why do birds suddenly appear" "Every time you are near" "Just like me" "They long to be close to you" "Nathan, please, I'll lose my job." "Why do stars twinkle in the sky" "Every time you walk by" "Just like me" "They long to be close to you" "We're trying so hard to keep these kids off drugs." "On the day that you were born" "The angels got together" "And decided to create a dream come true" "This was our wedding song." "So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair" "And golden sunlight in your eyes so blue lt's a wedding kind of a song." "That is why all the guys in town" "Guys in town" "Follow you" "Follow you all round" "All around" "Just like me" "They long to be close to you" "Ahh-ah-ah-ah-ah" "Close to you" "Nathan, you're crazy." "Ahh-ah-ah-ah-ah" "Close to you" "Susan, I love you." "Please come home." "They have a clean start." "How's it look?" "Looking hot." "Looking damn hot." "Mom!" "Hurry, he's going to kill himself." "Julie, I'm not his mother." "Please, Mommy, I'm so scared." "Now I'm Mommy." "Competing in the first round of competition" " Eliminator." "On the grandstand lane we have Theresa Vega." "Oh, God." "He's already going." "In eight seconds, he's going to be a legend." "Challenging on the tower lane-- newcomer, Tod Higgins." "It's a clean start." "Oh, my God!" "Come on!" "Tod!" "Tod!" "Tod!" "Get him out of there." "Come on, pull him out." "Back up." "Give him some room." "Did I win?" "Are you OK?" "I'm all right." "We'll get you to first aid." "My brother's car." "I killed the car." "We'll take care of it." "Let's go." "I can't." "What?" "This is too intense." "This is" "This is marriage." "Now let's get in the truck." "Come on, let's go!" "Do that next week." "The crowd loved it." "Yeah, sure." "That's a good job for me--crash dummy." "Stop that." "You're very important." "Yeah?" "Why?" "Because you're going to be the father of my grandchild." "I love you." "I love you, too." "I was so scared." "You, like, saved their marriage." "That was really cool." "Yeah?" "Well, I give them six months." "Four, if she cooks." "You don't think they're going to make it?" "Well, you know, honey, the odds aren't good." "Then why did you say all that?" "Why try to keep them together?" "Because Julie wants Tod." "Whatever you guys want, I want to get for you." "That's the best I can do." "I'm glad you're going out with Mr Bowman." "Yeah, why?" "Well, he's funny, and he's the kind of guy that would be nice to you." "Somebody should be nice to you." "I tell you, kid, I could stand that." "Yeah." "Can we tape over Susan's wedding?" "No!" "What are we supposed to tape over?" "My ears are loose." "Here." "I'll fix them." "Your pants are on backwards." "Tell Grandma we're leaving." "She's still playing Nintendo." "You know your lines?" "I don't have any." "I'm Dopey." "I'll say." "Hey." "Kevin, put Justin in his car seat." "I do everything." "OK, shrimp." "Hey." "And I'm the one in therapy." "I'm not a shrimp." "I love you." "I love you, too." "No." "I mean, I really love you." "I love you, too." "Dave called." "He was crying." "He said if I'd come back they'd give me a corner office with new furniture and a raise." "Like that makes up for everything." "Anyway, I took the job." "I couldn't think." "I was high from the game." "That's demented." "A man's happiness depends on a 9-year-old catching pop-ups." "What if he missed?" "He didn't." "He could've." "He didn't." "He could've." "But he didn't, Gil." "You threw him 12 million pop-ups." "You cut the odds considerably." "If he hadn't-- ow!" "But there's three of them, and you want to have four, and the fourth one could be Larry, and they're going to do a lot of things." "I mean, baseball's the least of it." "Of all those things, sometimes they're going to miss." "Sometimes they won't." "Sometimes they will." "Sometimes they won't." "Sometimes they will." "What do you want, guarantees?" "These are kids, not appliances." "Life is messy." "I hate messy." "It's--lt's..." "so messy." "You know, when I was 19," "Grandpa took me on a roller coaster." "Oh?" "Up...down." "Up...down." "Oh, what a ride." "What a great story." "Mm-hmm." "I always wanted to go again." "It was just interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick... so--so excited, and so thrilled all together." "Some didn't like it." "They went on the merry-go-round." "That just goes around." "Nothing." "I like the roller coaster." "You get more out of it." "Well, I'll be seeing you in the car." "She's a very smart lady." "Come on, Taylor." "Your ears are ready." "Yeah." "A minute ago, I was really confused about life." "Then Grandma came in with her wonderful and affecting roller-coaster story." "Now everything's great again." "I happen to like the roller coaster, OK?" "As far as I'm concerned, your grandmother is brilliant." "Come on, Taylor!" "Come on." "Hurry up." "If she's so brilliant, how come she's sitting in our neighbor's car?" "[Piano Plays]" "Ahh!" "Aw." "[Applause] lt's good to be home." "It sure is." "Somebody stole our dishes." "They're not stolen." "They're put away." "They're not stolen!" "They're not stolen." "They're put away." "They're not stolen!" "They're put away!" "[Whistling]" "What was that?" "It came from the bedroom." "It sounds like a monster." "Someone should see what it is." "Not me!" "Not me!" "Let Dopey do it." "Dopey." "Yeah!" "No!" "Go on, Dopey." "Come on, Dopey." "They're hurting my sister!" "Hey, he's going." "Get him." "Get him." "Get him." "Don't hurt Taylor!" "Justin." "Justin." "You let go my sister!" "Hey!" "Ow!" "Justin." "Ow!" "No, Justin." "Justin." "Justin!" "Justin." "Justin." "Come back here, little one." "Come back here, little one!" "No!" "He's ruining the play!" "He's ruining the whole play!" "I think that's the Buckmans' kid." "Ow!" "[Roller-Coaster Sound]" "Ha ha ha!" "That's great!" "Taylor!" "Children, stop." "Go through here." "You're doing great." "One more push, and the baby will be here." "Bear down." "Push." "We're almost there." "Come on." "Push." "That's it." "Great." "You're doing great." "You're doing fine." "Push." "Here comes the baby." "Good." "Here it is." "It's a girl!" "Good!" "Congratulations, Mom." "You'd better get out in the lobby, Dad." "I think you've got about 100 relatives out there." "[Crying]" "Well?" "It's a girl." "Helen's fine." " Yay!" " Yay!" "That's great." "That's great." "I was born to make you happy I think you're just my style" "Everywhere I go" "Tellin' everyone I know" "Baby, I love to see you smile" "Don't want to take a trip to China" "Don't want to sail up the Nile" "Wouldn't want to get too far" "From where you are" "'Cause I love to see you smile" "Like a sink without a faucet" "Like a watch without a dial" "What would I do lf l didn't have you I love to see you smile ln the summer ln the springtime" "[Birds Chirping] ln winter or the fall" "The only place I want to be ls where l can see you smile at me ln a world that's full of trouble" "You make it all worthwhile" "What would I do lf l didn't have you I just love to see you smile I love to see you smile" "In the summer ln the springtime" "[Chirping] ln winter or the fall" "The only place I want to be ls where l can see you smile at me ln a world that's full of trouble" "You make it all worthwhile" "What would I do lf l didn't have you I love to see you smile I love to see you smile"