"You sent for me, sir?" "Yes, Major Nelson." "I have an assignment for you." "An assignment?" "I'm already working on the ballistic-control simulator." "Well, for the next few days, you're gonna be working on this." "Well, well, well." "She's a lot prettier than a ballistic-control simulator." "l don't understand." "l'm gonna explain it to you." "The Princess Tarji is the daughter of the sultan of Pakuait." "The U.S. is anxious to make a deal for a satellite-tracking station there." "The princess is on her way for her first trip to America and the sultan has indicated to us that it would please him if we saw to it that she had a good time while she was here." "Naturally, we want to please him." "Do you follow me, major?" "Yes, sir. I think I'm ahead of you, as a matter of fact." "Why me?" "Now, that's exactly what I said to General Peterson." "Why you?" "But he feels you're the man for the job and General Peterson..." "...is not to be argued with." "Yes, I know." "However, if you prefer not to show the princess around while she's here I'll be happy to tell Peterson that." "Oh, no, no, no." "That won't be necessary, sir." "I'd be very happy to show her around." "How long is she gonna be here?" "Three days." "She arrives this afternoon." "That won't give me much time, will it?" "Time for what?" "Just work, sir." "I can clear it up. lt's nothing." "Good." "Here is a dossier on the princess and her family." "It will give you their background." "Thank you, sir." "Oh, major." "Yes?" "If anything goes wrong you couldn't pay me to be in your shoes." "Hi, Jeannie." "Hello, master." "I am ready to go to lunch with you." "Oh, I don't think I can make lunch this afternoon, Jeannie." "Something very important has come up." "Very well. I will see you at dinner tonight, then." "I don't think I can make dinner, either." "There's someone important arriving in town and I have to show this person around." ""This person"?" "Jeannie, let's get it out in the open." "Now, this" " This person I'm gonna show around is a girl." "A very pretty girl." "A princess." "This is official business." "I don't want you to get jealous and cause trouble." "Oh, of course I will not, master." "l understand you must obey orders." "Really?" "In fact, I will do everything I can to help you." "If you wish, I will help you entertain her." "Well, that" " That's wonderful of you, Jeannie." "I can arrange a lovely party." "Really?" "Well, that's a marvellous idea." "I can sing for her." "I will dance for her. I will" "Kill her!" "What did you say?" "l said, I will kill her." "What are you talking about?" "ls this not Princess Tarji of Pakuait?" "Yes, yes." "Three thousand years ago, her family insulted my family and since then, we have been blood enemies." "Jeannie, that was 3000 years ago." "It does not matter." "I have taken an oath to kill her." "Now, Jeannie, you can't kill the princess because of a feud that started 3000 years ago." "Oh, yes, I can." "In my family history it is written that her ancestor cheated my ancestor out of his business and stole his camels and his wives." "And our families have sworn to destroy each other." "Jeannie, this is not the Hatfields and the McCoys." "Let bygones be bygones." "Oh, I'm sorry, master, but I have no choice." "And if you cared anything for me, you'd help me avenge this insult." "I won't let you go through with this." "Now, let's see." "What shall I use?" "Guns are so noisy." "Oh, terribly." "Poison is good." "No." "Oh, no." "Messy, very messy." "Then there's the knife or the noose." "Jeannie, I'm" " You're not really gonna go through with this." "Well, I must go prepare for her, master." "I will be back." "Jeannie!" "Jeannie!" "Thank heavens I caught you, sir." "ls anything wrong?" "You gotta stop that plane." "Stop what plane?" "The one the princess is on." "She mustn't be allowed to come into the country." "She mustn't be allowed to come into the county." "I can't tell you how important it is, sir." "If she comes to Cocoa Beach, it could mean war." "Major you've never met the princess, have you?" "No, no, I haven't." "And I don't want to." "You've got to keep her away from here." "You wouldn't care to explain why, would you?" "Well, it's rather a long story." "Oh, I have plenty of time." "Well, you see, about 3000 years ago, one of her ancestors stole some camels and some wives" "We really haven't time to go into this." "Could you have the plane turned around?" "Oh, yes." "Of course." "I'll certainly do that." "Thank you." "I knew I could count on you." "Dr. Bellows here." "Tell General Peterson l'm on my way to see him." "War?" "That's what Major Nelson said, general." "Now, why would he say a thing like that?" "If I knew why Major Nelson says any of the things he does I'd be the happiest man alive." "When I asked him to take the princess out, he agreed." "Then he came back minutes later and begged me not to allow her plane to land." "Are you sure about this, doctor?" "I'm positive, sir." "For some unknown reason Major Nelson's insisting that we keep the princess out of America." "Let's go see him." "It's stuck." "Well, I don't know, sergeant." "I don't know anything about typewriters." "Just" " Just call Maintenance, will you?" "Tony." "What's this I hear about you escorting a real, live princess around?" "A real dead princess." "A real dead princess?" "If the princess shows up, Jeannie's gonna kill her." "Well, why would she wanna do a thing like that?" "It's too complicated to go into." "I asked Bellows if he could stop her from coming into the country but I don't know if he's gonna be able to." "I've gotta get Jeannie out of the way for the next three days." "Tony, did I ever tell you you lead a very interesting life?" "Master, I have decided." "She is going to die by the death of 1 000 knives!" "Please, Jeannie." "Not before lunch." "Jeannie, there's been a change in plans." "The princess is not coming." "She's not coming?" "No, no, I talked to Dr. Bellows and she's just not coming." "But I have everything ready for her." "That's a shame." "She has everything ready" "Roger." "She may be here next year, though." "Well, I have waited 3000 years." "I suppose another year will not matter." "That's perfect." "Jeannie, would you do me a favour?" "Oh, anything, master." "l've thought about what you said." "What?" "About my not using all your powers." "And you want to start using them now?" "Yes, I've been wasting your talents." "l'll say." "What would you like, master?" "Well, let's go all out." "How about a castle in Bavaria?" "That's a good start." "Castle." "And a villa on the French Riviera." "Yeah." "Villa." "A ski chalet in Bermuda." "Ski chalet in Bermuda" "But there is no snow in Bermuda, master." "There will be when you're through with it, won't there be?" "Oh, of course, master." "But it will take a little time." "How long?" "A whole day?" "How about a yacht?" "Yacht." "In the Gobi" " Gobi Desert." "But there is no water in the Gobi Desert, master." "How long would that take?" "Well, at least another day." "Well, that's two days." "Let me see." "A pineapple plantation." "Oh, that is easy." "In Alaska." "Well, I'm afraid that will take another day, master." "Yeah." "Three days." "How soon could you start?" "Oh, right away." "Master, you do not know how long l've waited to do this for you." "l will be back in three days." "Take your time." "You know something, Tony." "That's the first time I've ever seen the real you." "What are you talking about?" "What am I talking about?" "A yacht in the Gobi Desert?" "A pineapple plantation in Alaska?" "You thought I was greedy when I asked her to furnish my apartment." "You didn't think I really wanted those things, did you?" "Well, didn't you?" "Well, of course not." "That was just to get her out of the way." "You had me worried there for a minute." "I thought my buddy had turned into a sensible, materialistic hog." "You know me better than that." "Yeah. l" "Boy, is that a load off my mind." "Just wondering if you would do me a favour." "Sure." "Anything you want." "Well, I was thinking, since you won't be wanting those things, if l" "Roger." "Well, I was just kidding." "Say hello to the princess for me." "Okay." "Excuse me." "General." "Doctor." "Tony, I wanna talk to you." "Well, I wanna talk to you too, sir." "How soon can you get the princess here?" "How soon can I what?" "The sooner she gets here, the better." "The sooner she gets here, the better." "Yes." "Well, the weather's beautiful and I wanna devote the next three days to seeing that she has a wonderful time." "I can't wait till she gets here." "Dr. Bellows." "Yes, sir." "He's done it to me again." "Oh, I'm Tony Nelson." "You are expected, Major Nelson." "Please, come in." "Thank you." "I am Turhan..." "..." "Her Highness' secretary." "How do you do?" "Did you have a nice flight?" "Yes, thank you." "Your Highness, may I present Major Nelson." "I am a great admirer of yours, major." "Well, I thank you." "Thank you. l-- l didn't expect you to be dressed-- l expected more veils." "You mean this?" "We are quite emancipated in my country." "Please." "Thank you." "Well, I'm glad to hear that." "l feel we are old friends." "Really?" "When you were in orbit I watched you sailing high in the sky over my country." "And when I was asleep and I knew that you were due to appear I had them wake me up." "Well, I'm very flattered." "And when you walked in space...." "l admire a man who is not afraid to explore new frontiers." "That is the reason why I was so eager to see Cocoa Beach." "Well, I'll try to see that you don't miss anything, princess." "Tarji." "Tarji." "Cancel all my other appointments, Turhan." "You do not mind, do you?" "Oh, no, no." "I'm all yours until midnight Wednesday." "Oh?" "And what happens at midnight Wednesday?" "One of us turns into a pumpkin." "Pumpkin?" "You Americans!" "l'll race you to the end of the pool." "All right." "Come on, come on, come on." "l got" "Let me help you." "Thank you." "How's that?" "Oh, great." "It's so lovely out here." "Can we stay here all day?" "Sure." "Why not?" "Oh, wonderful." "Come on." "Let's get out of here." "Why?" "Come on." "Are you coming here often, Tony?" "No." "No, I've never been here before." "Oh, I'm glad." "Well, I'm hungry." "Let's see what we have here." "Very nice." "How about a little mood music?" "We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin." "A freak rainstorm has hit the Gobi Desert." "Streams and lak es are appearing in the sand." "Meteorologists are puzzled." "Tarji, do me a favour?" "Of course." "Eat fast." "These past three days have been wonderful, Tony." "I've enjoyed them myself." "I'll hate to go back home." "Yes." "Now, you must go back home." "What?" "Well, your" " Your-- Your people will miss you." "I know I certainly would." "Would you?" "Of course." "Will you come and visit me in my country, Tony?" "Well, it's...." "It's possible." "You never know, do you?" "l'll make it certain." "I'll have my father request you from NASA." "No, no. I wouldn't do that if I were you." "You do not want to see me?" "Oh, I do, I do, very much." "But, well, I'd rather surprise you." "You and my father would like each other." "Yes, I'm sure we would." "He's on television tonight." "Addressing the United Nations." "May we watch him?" "Of course." "Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt the session at the United Nations  to bring you this special news bulletin." "The state of Alaska has just been hit by a sudden heat wave." "Temperatures in the snow-capped mountains have reached 1 1 0 degrees." "Scientists are investigating atomic fallout as the possible cause." "She's ahead of schedule." "I'm afraid you'll have to watch your father some other time." "I'm gonna take you back to your hotel." "My hotel?" "But it's too early." "Believe me, it's later than you think." "It's midnight." "My watch says 8:00." "Oh, well, it's a different time zone." "I'll get your wrap." "l am back, master." "Oh, good, good." "Oh, master, I had such fun." "l'm happy about it." "You will love your ski chalet in Bermuda." "The island is covered with snow." "Covered with snow, huh?" "Wait till you see your yacht in the Gobi Desert." "Yeah?" "Oh, it's 1 00 feet long." "A 1 00-foot-long yacht." "I brought something back for you, master." "That is from your own pineapple plantation in Alaska." "Did you say my own pineapple plantation?" "Well, what is the matter?" "Well, Jeannie, I wanted a cotton plantation." "Oh, but I distinctly heard you say " pineapple"" "No, really. I'm allergic to pineapple." "I'd never have said that." "Now you just hop back to the Yukon or wherever it is that you go and" "No, really. I know I said" "What is the princess doing here?" "Princess?" "Wha--?" "What--?" "Wha--?" "You tricked me!" "Jeannie, now, take it easy, please." "Of course you did not want a pineapple plantation or a ski chalet in Bermuda or a yacht in the Gobi Desert." "That's not true." "I wanted a yacht in the Gobi Desert" "Ever since I was a little kid" "All you wanted to do was to get rid of me." "Now, that is not-- l" "Why would I wanna get rid of you?" "So you could be alone with the princess." "My sworn enemy." "Now, Jeannie, really, I'm not kidding." "Don't do anything you're gonna be sorry for." "And I was so proud of doing these things for you." "You have no idea of the trouble I went to." "l" " Jeannie, I can explain this." "Now, I don't blame you for being angry." "That is the real you!" "I am out working my power to the bone and you are here with that-- That" " That" "Now, would you stop doing that?" "Jeannie, what are you so angry about, anyway, huh?" "Have you ever tried to flood the Gobi Desert?" "No, I must admit, I never have." "I know it must be terribly difficult, but I can't let you harm the princess." "I have sworn an oath to kill her." "Okay, okay." "Just do me one favour, will you?" "No, I have done you enough favours for three days." "Let her say goodbye to her adopted father." "Well, I do not see why I should let her say goodbye to anyone, whether" "Adopted father?" "Yes, she was just a little orphan when the sultan took her into the palace." "You mean she is not of the royal blood?" "No, I guess not." "Well, then I do not have to kill her." "Well, Jeannie, you're wonderful." "Oh, master, why did you not tell me this sooner?" "I didn't think of it-- Didn't think it was important." "Oh, master, and I had such terrible things planned for her." "Yeah." "l must go and apologize to her." "No, no, that won't be necessary." "I'll do it for you." "You just hop back to Alaska." "I would feel better if I did it myself." "No. l-- l really don't think-- l don't want you" "Come back." "I am very happy to meet you." "Who are you?" "This is an old, old friend of mine." "Jeannie, this is Princess Tarji." "How do you do?" "Oh, I want to apologize to you." "I told you that wasn't necessary." "You better get going." "You got a million things to do." "Apologize?" "For what?" "And you have to get to your hotel and pack." "You're leaving in the morning." "I have been thinking wicked thoughts about you." "If she misses this plane, it'll be hard to get another." "There's a storm coming." "What kind of wicked thoughts?" "Oh, boy, what a storm is coming." "I thought you were a real princess." "No." "Actually, I didn't mean that." "I did not know you were adopted." "Adopted?" "Yes." "Well, Major Nelson explained to me." "It is nothing to be ashamed of." "Major Nelson explained to me how you were a poor orphan taken in by the royal family." "Yeah, well-- lf someone was taken in, it wasn't I." "I don't know why you have cast this" "This slur on my family, Major Nelson." "But I promise you, you will regret it." "Jeannie" "Jeannie, you know what you've done?" "The tracking-station deal with Pakuait's in real trouble." "That is not the only thing that is in trouble." "Wait. lf you think you're gonna do that again, you're making a mistake." "You're making a mistake." "You're making a mistake." "You're making a mistake!" "Tony!" "Tony?" "Over here. ln the cage." "What are you doing in the cage?" "What do you think I'm doing in the cage?" "Boy, you sure make a terrible-looking parrot." "Listen, I haven't had breakfast yet." "Do you have a cup of coffee around?" "Will you do something about me?" "I'm sorry." "Tony want a cracker?" "Boy, you sure have a great sense of humour." "I think you looked better the other way." "Jeannie, where you been?" "l have been with the princess." "You killed her." "Of course I have not killed her, master." "I intended to, but when I went to her hotel room, she was so nice that well, I decided that our family feud was silly." "Oh, thank heavens." "The princess and I have something in common, master." "The Middle East." "You." "She's very fond of you." "She said to tell you that she will make sure the tracking-station deal is signed." "How about that?" "Jeannie, I don't know how to thank you." "Oh, I will think of something." "Think of something for me." "I'd love to see that parrot trick again." "You looked so funny." "So funny." "The parrot!" "With those feathers!" "Yeah." "Very funny!" "Very funny!" "Get me out of this!"