"THERAPIST:" "Thekeytoany successful relationship is communication." "What do you think is keeping the two of you from being able to fully trust each other?" "BECCA:" "Mostof thetime, things are good." "But out of the blue, we'll have a minor disagreement." "And then we're fighting for hours." "THERAPIST:" "Vernon,whatdo you think about what Becca just said?" "VERNON:" "Pissed,dude." "Bummed." "It makes me feel like what the shit?" "She talks to me like I'm a child." "BECCA:" "Becauseyouare a child." "VERNON:" "Oh,really?" "A child doctor, Becca?" "A child doctor with a BMW 7" "Series and a credit score well into the five hundos?" "BECCA:" "Healmostgot fired because, during a hip resurfacing, he took his sunglasses, put them on the patient's testicles and took a picture of it." "THERAPIST:" "Veryunpro..." "VERNON:" "Humoris anecessity in the operating room." "Otherwise, we would collapse under the sheer weight of the human drama." "THERAPIST:" "Guys?" "Right..." "BECCA:" "Youfixtenniselbows for rich people!" "VERNON:" "Donottellmehowto  do my calling!" "THERAPIST:" "Okay,guys,let 's take a breath." "And remember you're here because you love each other." "There she is." "Is it possible that the problem isn't between the two of you but rather in the negative external elements that are influencing your relationship?" "(Becca clears her throat)" "BECCA:" "So,ourtherapistsaid  we need to cut out the toxic elements, which means we just can't have couples like you in our life anymore." "GRETCHEN:" "Whoa!" "We're not a couple." "We're just hanging out." "JIMMY:" "Wait." "Breakfast is still on you, right?" "VERNON:" "Yeah,totally." "I gave them my card." "It's a Chase Saph, which means when I use it at restaurants," "I double-down on the points..." "BECCA:" "Anyway." "Don't try to talk us out of it." "GRETCHEN:" "Okay." "BECCA:" "Well,goodluck." "Both of you." "VERNON:" "So,Igot anXbox One if you ever want to dork out on some Madden." "BECCA:" "Vernon?" "VERNON:" "I meantdorkout  online." "We can't even headset-hang?" "BECCA:" "Willyoupleasestop  thinking about Madden for five seconds?" "GRETCHEN:" "Whatareyou doing later?" "JIMMY:" "I aminterviewing" ""Hollywood It Girl" Megan" "Thomas for Coterie magazine." "GRETCHEN:" "Oh,she'shot ." "Send me pics." "JIMMY:" "Nudes?" "(Gretchen laughs)" "GRETCHEN:" "Yeah,okay,buddy." "If you think you can get Megan" "Thomas naked, more power to you." "JIMMY:" "Well,Iwas kidding." "But as you said, "We're not a couple," so legally, I'm free to try, right?" "GRETCHEN:" "Didit botheryou  when I said that?" "JIMMY:" "No,no ." "It's important to set clear rules." "Hey." "This is on the curly ginger, yeah?" "All right, in that case, we'll take some things to go." "Well, one of everything from the left side." "Oh, and four of those souvenir" "T-shirts." "GRETCHEN:" "Ooh,throwina  large child's." "JIMMY:" "Hmm?" "GRETCHEN:" "Killian." "JIMMY:" "Who?" "¶I 'mgonnaleaveyou anyway" "I'm gonna leave you anyway" "Gonna leave you anyway. ¶" "JIMMY:" "Okay,so ,um ... (Megan laughs)" "JIMMY:...howdoesone  prepare for a role in which you play a... (laughs)" "Sorry." "A tsunami widow?" "MEGAN:" "Shutup ." "Um, all right, this is the official quote." "It was a singular pleasure to be able to bring a story of such courage to light." "Plus, I did, like, six weeks of" "Haleo and CrossFit twice a day." "Feel my calf, dude." "JIMMY:" "Thatdoesindeed feel like the calf of a grieving widow." "(Megan laughs)" "MEGAN:" "Whoa!" "You're a foot dude." "JIMMY:" "No." "Yes." "MEGAN( laughing):" "Youdon't have to let go." "Does your girlfriend have nice feet?" "JIMMY:" "Oh,she'snot  my girlfriend." "In fact, earlier today, she said it straight out, "We are not a couple."" "MEGAN:" "Yeah,that'sjust something that girls say 'cause they feel like they have to." "JIMMY:" "No,she'snot like that at all." "She's actually challenged me to try and get a... a nude photo of you." "I mean, of course I told her that would be completely unprofessional." "MEGAN:" "Weshouldget another round." "EDGAR:" "Perfecttiming." "I have great news." "JIMMY:" "What--youfoundyour  own place?" "EDGAR:" "MytherapistsaidI should be alone as little as possible on account of how I've been waking up holding a knife." "JIMMY:" "Mm." "Wait, what?" "!" "EDGAR:" "Ah,it 'snot important." "Anyway, the news was I made breakfast nachos." "JIMMY:" "Gobacktotheknife  thing." "EDGAR:" "Notjustbreakfast nachos, breakfast nachos à la" "Jimmy and Gretchen with the peanuts on top because I know how Gretchen likes the crunch." "MEGAN:" "Hey!" "I got to go, bud." "JIMMY:" "I 'll,uh,I'llwalk you out." "MEGAN:" "Mmm!" "(Megan speaking Spanish)" "Megusta." "LINDSAY:" "I can'tbelieve" "Jimmy sent you naked photos of a celeb." "GRETCHEN:" "I kindof daredhim  to." "I didn't think he'd actually be able to hit that." "LINDSAY:" "Youhavetobreakup with him-- big." "Ooh, what if we spray-painted" ""pedophile" on his garage door?" "I did that when my neighbors left their Christmas lights up too long." "GRETCHEN:" "I can'texactlybe pissed off." "I'm not his girlfriend." "LINDSAY:" "Well,youatleast have to sleep with someone else, too, or you'll resent him forever." "That's feminism, Gretch." "That's what Susan B. Anthony died for." "GRETCHEN:" "Doyouevenknow  who Susan B. Anthony is?" "LINDSAY:" "Shemadeanairplane disappear." "GRETCHEN:" "Nope." "What?" "That's Amelia Earhart." "And she didn't make an air..." "LINDSAY:" "Whatever,history." "You happened already." "Let it go." "GRETCHEN:" "I 'mnotgonnahave sex with some stranger." "LINDSAY:" "Whataboutthat barista with the giant hog you dated?" "GRETCHEN:" "Venti?" "The size barely made up for the fact that his moustache was connected to his sideburns." "It was like getting banged by" "John Quincy Adams." "LINDSAY:" "Exactly." "America's first black astronaut." "GRETCHEN:" "I 'msogladyou  don't have a job." "LINDSAY:" "Right?" "VENTI:" "Gretchen?" "Oh, my God." "Long time." "GRETCHEN:" "I know." "You're still working here." "VENTI:" "Yeah!" "GRETCHEN:" "Howis yourband?" "VENTI:" "Oh,ourdrummerwas scuba diving in Cancun and somehow went deaf." "So if you know any drummers..." "GRETCHEN:" "I willkeepmyear out." "(both laugh)" "Do you still have your van?" "VENTI:" "Yeah." "GRETCHEN:" "Meetme therein five." "VENTI:" "Oh,IwishIcould ." "But I'm a manager now and if I abandon my post, my boss will fire me." "JIMMY:" "Hey." "GRETCHEN:" "Hi." "Congrats on the photos." "Megan Thomas-- bringing back the bush." "JIMMY:" "Itwasfor agrieving widow role." "You're not mad, are you?" "GRETCHEN:" "No." "Like you said, it was totally legal for you to do that." "JIMMY:" "Becausewe 'renot a couple." "GRETCHEN:" "Yeah." "We're just two chill people, being totally cool about stuff." "You can have sex with celebs, I can bang an ex... which I did..." "Which is great." "Because now we're even." "JIMMY:" "Sorry,youdid what?" "GRETCHEN:" "Yeah." "I ran into that barista from" "Silver Lake Coffee." "JIMMY:" "Who,Grande?" "GRETCHEN:" "Yes,thatwas his  nickname." "You're not mad, are you?" "JIMMY:" "Pfft." "Of course not." "I'm just confused, because you just used the word "even."" "Because, technically, I slept with a sexy, famous celebrity" "I'd just met, while you just re-banged a barista." "So that doesn't really count as a full person, does it?" "He's, like, half a person." "At best." "GRETCHEN:" "Didn'tfeellike half a person." "JIMMY:" "AndI'vejust remembered his nickname:" "Venti." "GRETCHEN:" "I didn'twantto rub it in." "JIMMY:" "Nothingto rubin." "In no world does Hollywood It" "Girl Megan Thomas equal your chai wallah." "But hey, by all means, let's call it "even."" "Where you going?" "GRETCHEN:" "I havestufftodo!" "(door slams)" "ANNOUNCER:" "RonStitches" "Show... (phone rings, explosion booms)" "RON:" "WelcomebacktoThe" "RonStitchesShow." "I'm Ron and we've got Edgar in" "Los Angeles, who says his roommate's sex life is causing him problems." "What's the deal, Edgar?" "EDGAR:" "Well,Ron,I'm kindof in a moral dilemma." "RON:" "A moraldilemmaoran oraldilemma?" "WOMAN( sultry):" "Oh,yes..." "EDGAR:" "Ooh,now,the thingis" "I really like my roommate's girlfriend." "RON:" "Andyouplanonhittin' that, right?" "WOMAN:" "Oh,yes...!" "EDGAR:" "No." "No, no, no, no." "I-I mean as a person." "I really want them to work out." "The thing is... he slept with someone else, and..." "I don't know if I should tell her or not." "RON:" "Whoa,whoa,what?" "Rat out your bro, bro?" "Is this a prank call?" "Cheryl, you're screening these calls, right?" "Or are you just sitting over there playing with them big old hooters of yours?" "(owl hoots, woman moans)" "EDGAR:" "It'sjustthatever  since I came back from Iraq, I haven't really met many people I can talk to... and she listens." "RON:" "Firstoff,I'd liketo say thank you for you service, soldier." "If I didn't have this God-dang bee allergy, I would have been right over there with you." "So talk to me." "You ever shoot that .50 cal?" "I shot one in Vegas one time." "It was hell, man." "I got separated from my squad somewhere between Crazy Girls and the Spearmint Rhino and..." "LINDSAY:" "Actually,he 's right." "GRETCHEN:" "Linds!" "LINDSAY:" "Thinkaboutit." "Megan Thomas is a major score." "She's, like, totally" "Hollywood's..." "GRETCHEN:" "Don'tsay" ""Hollywood's It Girl."" "LINDSAY:" "Sheis ." "And Venti is old news." "He's previously taken dick." "PTD, if you will." "GRETCHEN:" "PTD." "Okay, so what if there's a guy that I haven't... taken, but I did maybe..." "LINDSAY:" "Slobon it ?" "Still wouldn't count." "You've got to rule out previously taken or sucked dicks" " PTSD." "GRETCHEN:" "That'swhatEdgar has." "(both laughing)" "BOTH:" "Aw..." "LINDSAY:" "PTSDsarehalfa point." "Kind of like how a competitive bird watcher only gets points when he sees a new species he hasn't." "GRETCHEN:" "Pauldoes competitive bird watching?" "LINDSAY:" "I don'twanttotalk  about it." "GRETCHEN:" "Whatever." "The whole thing's stupid." "LINDSAY:" "Sofinishit!" "The sooner you put someone behind you, the sooner you can put this behind you." "GRETCHEN:" "Wow,Denver." "I've never met anyone who makes their own furniture before." "That canopy bed sounds amazing." "I would love to check it out sometime." "DENVER:" "Well,finishupthat  drink and I'll show it to you." "You see this headboard?" "It's all salvaged wood!" "Took me three months to refurbish the hull of a Nova" "Scotian haddock trawler." "ACTOR:" "I mean,as ablack actor, you're talking drug dealer, athlete, judge... or sometimes God, if you're old." "Do you know how many McDonald's commercials I've been in as a black actor?" "I can hear that damn jingle in my sleep." "I'm not lovin' it." "Theylovin'it ." "GRETCHEN:" "Don'tyouthink, now that 12 Years a Slave has won Best Picture..." "ACTOR:" "Man,y'allwhite people love slavery movies even more than you loved actual slavery." "As a black actor..." "GRETCHEN:" "SothereIam , at the after-party for Danny" "Brown's latest album, and I'm in this house in the hills, no idea where I am, and I look at a picture on the wall and I realize it's Diana Ross." "I am at Diana Ross's house." "So I go to the bathroom, I grab a hairbrush... (man screams)" "MAN:" "Yes!" "(men cheering)" "MAN2 :" "That'swhatI'm  talking about!" "(men whooping)" "AIDEN:" "Well,I'dreallylike  to try to get into writing movies and teleplays, but honestly, I'd be happy anywhere in... (laughs)" "I'd call it "the biz," but I just moved out here from Ohio in the family minivan..." "But..." "GRETCHEN:" "AndI'mout ." "LINDSAY:" "Wait!" "Why don't you go get us two more?" "GRETCHEN:" "It'sso awfulwe have to feel any of this." "Lust, love..." "Don't we have bigger problems to worry about?" "I am in a bar, trolling for dudes, just to prove something-- to who?" "To Darwin?" "To myself?" "It is embarrassing and beneath us is what I am saying." "You know?" "BOUNCER:" "Notreally." "But I will say, if this Darwin clown is not treating you properly... he's a goddamn fool." "LINDSAY:" "I mean,sure,he sleeps in flannel pajamas with socks, and yes, he spends six weeks of every summer at a magic camp for adults and..." "Okay, he has an allergy to soap and we have to buy him that special oil for dogs... but he's my husband." "And he doesn't deserve for anybody to be mean to him." "Ever." "AIDEN:" "Howcouldanyonenot like Paul?" "LINDSAY:" "I know!" "Paul." "(Lindsay gasping, moaning)" "LINDSAY:" "Youlikethat?" "AIDEN:" "I don'tknow." "(Bouncer grunting passionately)" "GRETCHEN:" "Wait." "Move me, like, six inches right." "My face is way too near that booger." "(Lindsay gasping)" "(Edgar knocks on door)" "EDGAR:" "Hello,Padre." "PRIEST:" "Hello." "EDGAR:" "I haveadilemma." "I..." "I know this secret, and I can't decide if I should tell." "If I do, a lot of people could get hurt." "PRIEST:" "Son,yoursituation reminds me of a sermon I just delivered." "I related Paul's Letter to the" "Corinthians to individual moral responsibility." "What I said was..." "Wait, how did I put it?" "I said it so good." "Terry was there." "Terry!" "Damn it." "Has anybody seen Terry?" "No?" "(priest sighs)" "Anyway, the gist of it was listen to your own conscience, but at the same time, don't do anything that could cause harm." "EDGAR:" "Oh,well,it'sjust  that if I sit on this, it could get even worse." "PRIEST:" "Whatis thenatureof this information?" "EDGAR:" "I 'vesaidtoomuch already." "Thanks." "I know what I have to do." "PRIEST:" "Yeah,it 'sme ." "I think we got another Snowden on our hands." "(phone buzzing)" "JIMMY:" "Hello." "GRETCHEN:" "Can'ttalklong." "I just wanted to tell you we're even." "JIMMY:" "What,Ventiagain?" "GRETCHEN:" "Nope." "We've both slept with someone new, which makes us even." "So, yay us." "JIMMY:" "Wait,that'snot even." "My person was a stranger, which was one point, your person was" "Venti, which was worth a half, so I was one-half up on you." "But now with this new person, you're one-half up on me." "GRETCHEN:" "Oh,my God,Jimmy." "Who cares?" "Can't we just call it a draw?" "JIMMY:" "Well,that'seasyfor you to say, you're one-half up." "Now I have to sleep with an ex." "(Gretchen laughs)" "GRETCHEN:" "Yeah,okay." "Good luck with that." "Anyway, I gotta go." "Some work thing." "Bye." "BRIANNA:" "Um,do youhavea work thing?" "Because I don't have anything on your calendar." "GRETCHEN:" "Hurryup ." "You're letting all the cold air out." "BECCA:" "Well,Ihopeyou're here to repay the $300 you guys somehow spent at breakfast." "JIMMY:" "Whydoeseveryonehate  me?" "I know it's weird to ask you-- you rightfully hate my guts." "But... but what's wrong with me that I can't sustain a single relationship?" "BECCA:" "Oh..." "I hate emotional Jimmy." "Come in." "JIMMY:" "EveryoneIcareabout ends up hating me." "Why is that?" "BECCA:" "Oh,becauseyou 're a narcissist with face-blindness who, without hesitation or consequence, uses people to get what you want." "JIMMY:" "God,youknowmeso  well." "BECCA:" "CanIhaveoneof those?" "JIMMY:" "They'repretty expensive." "BECCA:" "I know." "I used to buy them for you all the time." "Shut up and give me one." "JIMMY:" "So,um ...where's" "Vernon?" "BECCA:" "Youjustmissedhim." "He left to go do his rotation, or as he calls it, his" ""rotaish."" "JIMMY:" "Oh." "I didn't know he did night" ""rotaishes."" "BECCA:" "Oh,my God!" "Jimmy, what the hell!" "JIMMY:" "Oops." "Sorry." "Should... should I go?" "BECCA:" "Yes!" "Obviously." "JIMMY:" "Oh,Iforgotto mention: we're even." "It's one and a half to one and a half." "I bagged an ex." "GRETCHEN:" "Ah." "Who was she?" "JIMMY:" "Justthisgirl..." "Hillary." "You don't know her." "Unmemorable, but... pliant." "GRETCHEN:" "Oh,great." "So... we are even." "JIMMY:" "Areyoumad ?" "GRETCHEN:" "No." "Why would I be mad?" "It's all good, brah." "JIMMY:" "Whyareyou talking like Guy Fieri?" "GRETCHEN:' Cause,Jimmy,you don't really want to know what's on my mind." "That's not what this is." "We are just two independently existing people who get together to have sex." "JIMMY:" "Well,howdoI  determine what we are?" "You're the one who started this whole thing when you said..." "GRETCHEN:" Said?"" "You're the one who did, Jimmy." "You did goddamn Hollywood It" "Girl Megan Thomas." "JIMMY:" "Onlybecauseyou said" "I could!" "GRETCHEN:" "AndthenIsleep with one guy and you freak out!" "JIMMY:" "Itwasone and ahalf  guys!" "GRETCHEN:" "Soyouare jealous." "Why don't you just admit you can't handle it if I sleep with someone else?" "JIMMY:" "Fine,if youadmit that you can't handle it if I do." "GRETCHEN:" "Fine!" "(sarcastic):" "Well, then maybe we should be "exclusive."" "Is that what you want?" "JIMMY( sarcastic):" "Ooh,yeah, that'd be awesome." "Let's do that." "GRETCHEN:" "Yeah,great." "JIMMY:" "Great." "Guess we're "exclusive," then." "GRETCHEN:" "Wait." "Are we being sarcastic or are we actually exclusive?" "JIMMY:" "I gotalittlebit lost in there somewhere." "But yeah..." "I guess we're... exclusive." "GRETCHEN:" "Okay." "Cool." "JIMMY:" "Cool." "GRETCHEN:" "Canyoubelieve" "Becca and Vernon said we were toxic?" "JIMMY:" "Yeah,no kidding." "What a joke." "(pop intro playing)" "(no voice)" "¶Oh,oh ,oh ,oh ..." "Oh, oh, oh, oh..." "Oh, oh, oh, oh" "¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh..." "Sun on its cycle" "Don't carry it away" "¶ All light within it changes" "Only the sun" "Needs rearranging" "¶ Darling, there's hardly" "Anything" "Burning faster for you" "¶ You say, "Don't go, oh-oh"" "WOMAN:" "Letgo ... ¶Don'tgo" "Everything close" "Oh, but you know" "¶ Oh, let it go" "Darling, there's more than" "Anything burning faster for you" "¶ You'll say, "Don't go, oh-oh"" "¶ Don't go, oh-oh..." "Farewell, she knew ya... ¶" "(knocking on door)" "GRETCHEN:" "Comein ." "EDGAR:" "I knowthisisn 'ta great time, but there's something I have to say." "Gretchen, this is going to upset you, and, Jimmy... you're going to hate me for ratting, but" "JIMMY:" "Edgar,we 'renotdoing anything!" "GRETCHEN:" "What'stheawful news, Edgar?" "EDGAR:" "Uh,justthat..." "I was making you guys nachos à la Jimmy and Gretchen, and it turns out we're out of peanuts." "JIMMY:" "So...?" "Make them without the peanuts." "EDGAR:" "Okay." "I will." "Oh, and, uh... you're welcome." "GRETCHEN:" "Forthenachos?" "EDGAR:" "Yeah." "For the nachos." "Captioned by" "MediaAccessGroupatWGBH  access.wgbh.org"