"Morning Cicely, Chris in the Morning and Bernard, bringing you double talk and tunes for a misty Monday." "Brother Bernard is up for some RR after another tax season." "I may be looking a little rough, but nothing trout fishing won't cure." "Amen to that, brother." "No way!" "Look who's here;" "the Miller boys!" " They look familiar." " Of course they do." "Tommy and Bobby, from West Virginia." "The guys who tried to nail me with that extradition order." "The Miller, Stevens' blood feud." " Who's he?" " Sorry." "This is my brother Bernard." " Your brother?" " A long story." "Why are you here?" "We heard you dodged the warrant and figured it time to even the score." "You came all the way to Alaska to fight me?" "We figure to kick your ass from here to Florida." "What's it going to be?" "Fists, conventional weapons, what?" "Tommy here just served a three-to-five on assault." "He doesn't want to do no more time." "When do you want to get down?" "It's been a long trip." "Why don't you take some time?" "Take a day or two." " Excuse me." " Excuse me, fellows." "You're not serious about fighting these guys, are you?" "You..." "Is it cool if my brother gets in on the action?" " Me?" " He really kin?" "Absolutely." " Sure." " Why not?" "Okay, all right." "Great, huh?" "4x22 "KADDISH FOR UNCLE MANNY" Subtitles subXpacio" " Next." " Doc." "I don't believe this." "I'm up till two a. m." "in Yellowknife treating flue victims," " now it's spread here?" " No." "No?" "These people don't have the flu?" " What do they have?" " They're not patients." " What are they?" " Dancers." " Dancers?" " I need a new partner." "What is this?" "One of your Indian dance contest things?" " Cajun two step." " Cajun?" "Like Bayou, Jambalaya rice and beans, seafood jumbo?" "I came in second last year." " What happened to your old partner?" " I fired him." "He didn't want it enough." "Hello." "Could you hold one sec?" "I don't understand." "Why don't I see you dancing here?" "I watch them move." "You watch them move." "Sorry." "This is Dr. Fleischman." "Aunt Helen, how are you?" "Yeah." "Hold on, I'm going to change phones." " Here." "Hang up when I say." " Next." " You can hang up." " Thank you." "Next." "Thank you." "Next." "My uncle Manny passed away." "I'm sorry." "Millers have been fighting Stevens since the civil war?" "Since before the civil war." "It all started when our great grand-daddy shot a Miller in the neck." "Left him with a permanent list starboard." "That was a long time ago." "Why not let bygones be bygones?" "Two sirloins, bloody." "Two large OJ's and two orders of spaghetti." " Shelly, we didn't order this." " It's on the house." "Holling says you boys need to bulk up for the rumble." " Pays to have home-field advantage." " Thank the big H for us." "Will do." "Long time since these knuckles have laid open a Miller." "You get to miss it like..." "The feel of splitting flesh, the taste of salty blood." "Doesn't that sound a little primitive?" "Yeah, it's totally primitive." "That's what makes it so great." "It's back to the caves." "Right brain." "But somebody could get hurt, badly." "Hopefully." "To inflict pain to receive pain is all part of the package." "No getting away from human nature." "Anthropologically, we're only a nanosecond away from spears, loincloths and sleeping up in the trees." "I don't write the facts, I just repeat them." "Hey, Dr. Fleischman." "How are you doing, Ed?" "Are you feeling okay?" "My uncle Manny passed away." "We used to spend Sundays together." "He didn't have any kids, so he kind of adopted me." "We would listen to Yankee games, play gin rummy." "It's wild." "I can still picture him sitting in front of his window there, blowing his little pipe." "He had this great, amphora tobacco." "Are you going to go to the funeral?" "It's in Florida." "I told my Aunt Helen I'd say Kaddish." "What's a Kaddish?" "Kaddish is a prayer for the dead." "The only problem is you need a minyan to say it." "What's a minyan?" "10 Jewish males 13 or older, but now it can be women, but" "I'm not sure how Uncle Manny would feel." "He was raised orthodox." "Why do you need a minyan?" "I don't know." "You need nine guys on a field to play baseball, and 10 Jews in a room to say Kaddish." "I don't know where I'm going to find a minyan." "Is something wrong?" "No." "Keep walking." "Go." "Stop." "Turn right." "Stop." "Marilyn, I..." "Pick up the pretzels." "You'll do." "Double liver and onions, double western omelet." "Could we get another pitcher?" "You got it." "Want me to clear the lasagna?" "I'm still working on it." "Major guns, boys." "Thanks." "Hi, Shelly." "Where have you been, I've got orders." "I've been dancing." "Well, moving would be more like it." "What?" "Marilyn says I have natural ability." "For what?" "Moving." "She wants me to practice." "Practice what?" "Walking, bending, reaching, you know." "Generally moving." "Why?" "I'll be her partner in the Cajun dancing contest." "She picked you?" "She did indeed." "But you don't dance." "I haven't danced." "She says she has a knack for discovering hidden talent." "She says I have a streak a mile wide." "How did she put it?" "You've got natural two-step greatness." "Can you imagine that?" "Greatness." "But I'll have to practice a lot to realize my full potential." "She's got her own method and everything." "Order up!" "Can you get that for me?" "I've got to do some moving while it's fresh in my mind." "Yeah, sure, babe." "Hello!" "Are you here?" "Yeah." "Hi." "Hi." "Can I come in?" "Yeah, absolutely." "Thanks." "I was supposed to reorder your iron, wasn't I?" "I'm sorry." "No, that's not why I came here." "Really." "I heard about your uncle." "I'm sorry." "Thanks." "What's this?" "Some family stuff I never unpacked." "This your uncle?" "Yeah." "Me and Manny in front of Yankee stadium." "Look at you!" "I didn't know you wore braces." "Yeah, 10th grade." "My first Yankee game." "Munson hit a homer to win in the ninth." "And this?" "Where's this?" "That's my Bar Mitzvah." "At my cousin's estate." "A big yard out back." "Who's this?" "That's Manny and Helen." "What's this?" "The stuff I wore at my Bar Mitzvah." "A tallit." "A prayer shawl." "Beautiful, isn't it?" "This is beautiful." "And this is a yarmulke." "This is what you wear on your head, obviously." "Yeah, he brought this stuff back from Israel for me." "He helped me memorize my torah portion." "So we spent quite a few hours together." "I don't remember any of it." "Well, look, Fleischman, if you need anything, call me." "Thanks, O'Connell." "Sure." "Good night." "I haven't been this pumped since..." "I don't know. 12 years." "The last time I took on Bobby Miller at the Grove drive-in, it was a draw." "I got a broken nose but took out his front teeth with an elbow to the jaw." " Chris, this..." "I..." " Get your hand back in the pickle jar." "Is this really necessary?" "Nothing like pickle to toughen up the skin, harden the knuckles." "When we go in, I want to be on the left, because" " I want to come in with a round-house." " Yeah, this is all new to me." " What do you mean?" " I've never been in a fight." " Very funny." " No, really." "I haven't." " You're a Stevens." "What do you mean?" " I haven't." "You never sent a guy to hospital?" "You got your own bridgework, all your own teeth?" "Right." " I don't believe this?" " It's true." "I can't believe this." "It's like Richard Petty's kids saying they've never been in a Chevy." "I'm not a fighter." "Don't say that." "It's probably just a gene that's gone awry." "I could put you at a disadvantage." "Let's call the whole thing off." "No, you're going to be great." "To be honest with you, those gorillas really scare me." "It's scary the first time, it's like, that bell rings and your body just takes over." "Everything slows down like in a chop-sake movie." "You see that fist coming at you." "You can count every hair on it." "You don't think, your body just takes over." "You slip a jab, a couple to the head." "And you finish him off." "Knee to the groin, down he goes." "Eyes rolling back into his head." "It's the best feeling in the world." "You're not on the horns of a moral dilemma are you?" "No, I'm just thinking about the pain." "Yeah." "The pain is real." "It hurts." "But the pain can be good." " I don't know, Chris." " You've been given a gift." "Why do you think they showed up here when there did?" "They could have appeared at any time." "Why now?" "Why?" "So that I can actually be there when my brother loses his cherry." "As close as we are today, tomorrow when we come back from battle, we will be as close as two men can possibly be." "Sharing a bond that's forged in the face of imminent disfigurement." "We few." "We happy few, we band of brothers for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother." "Hi, Bernard, Chris." "Now that we're finally all here,..." " Sorry." " ..." "I guess we can begin." "As you know, Fleischman's uncle Morty died this week." "I believe it was Uncle Manny." "Whatever." "Fleischman wants to say the traditional mourner's prayer." "But he can't do it without nine more Jews." "Why not?" "How should I know?" "Do I look like Tevye?" " Who?" " Fiddler on the roof." "Well, you see, Shelly, the minyan thing is so the mourner doesn't go it alone" " in the time of grief." " Yeah, yeah." "The bottom line is Fleischman needs nine more Hebrews on his team." "So I've decided that I will pay 100 dollars plus expenses for any Jew who will come here and pray." "That's mighty generous of you, but" "I doubt you can find 10 Jews within 2,000 miles of Cicely." " That's where we come in." " That's precisely it." "Open your packets and look in there." "I've assigned each of you a sector of the map." "If we find 0.67 Jews within each sector we'll come in one over the limit." "I think that's a statistically feasible target." "How do we know if someone's Jewish?" "That is a very good question." "Anybody have an answer to that?" "No?" "The tip of the penis used to be a pretty good yardstick, but with the proliferation of circumcision, it's no longer a valid form of ID." "Now, right here is a picture of what used to be considered your typical Jewish person." "But if that stereotype was ever valid, you can see it no longer is." "Hercules was Jewish." "That's Spartacus, actually Kirk Douglas." "What about last names?" "Swartz, Cohen, Levine." "Seinfeld." "Last names would be your primary clue." "I've compiled a list of them right here, of course, not comprehensive." "Where are we going to find these names?" "Outside the telephone book." "Your Jewish people are like Chinese but with a sense of humor." "They value family, tradition, education." "They go for professions." "While I blasted off into space," "I was happy to have a lot of Finkelsteins at the button." "Though none of them got into a Mercury capsule." "Nobody said it was going to be easy." "You must get out there and work." "But we've got until 18 hours on Friday." "So lets move." "Dismissed." " Can we keep the pen?" " Yeah." "Cicely, K-Bear is looking for a few good Jews." "This is Chris in the Morning with an APB on all children of Abraham who can sit Shiva with Dr. Joel Fleischman in honor of uncle Manny." "If you're Jewish within the sound of my voice, give me a holler." "Qualified participants will receive a travel allowance, a stipend, and room and board at the Sourdough Inn," "Cicely's four-star bed and breakfast operated by your hosts, Ron and Eric." "Drop on by, say Kaddish and have the Cicely experience!" "Maurice." "You got a minute?" "Make it quick, I'm right up into my ass in logistics here." "Okay." "You and I have had our differences in the past." "I've always thought of you as a loud-mouthed unprincipled bigot." "You've threatened me physically on numerous occasions, you're making me serve another year here, through highly unethical means." "What the hell is your point?" "What I'm trying to say, is that, nothing in our prior relationship has prepared me for this gesture." "And I just, would like you to know that my uncle was a really important figure in my life and this would have meant a lot to him and it means a lot to me." "I'm responsible for bringing you here and the way I see it, as long as you keep us reasonable well," "I have a reciprocal obligation to keep you mentally stable." "I don't think reciprocity has anything to do with it, I think..." "I don't know but it's great and I appreciate it." "You're welcome." "Slow, slow, quick, quick." " Not so heavy." " Heavy?" "What do you mean?" "Make the floor your friend." " Use it." " Use it?" "Right." "Good." "My bladder is about to back-up on me." "Could I have a minute?" "Take five." "Hey, Shelly, this is really fun." "Great, babe." "He moves like an elk." "Holling?" " Is that good?" " Very good." " I thought he had two left feet." " He's still thinking too much." "He needs to release the dancer inside." " Inside where?" " Inside himself." "Marilyn, let's do some two-steps." "Watch this, hon." "That's it!" "Yeah, it's open." " Ed, you actually knocked." " Yeah, I guess I did," " sorry." " It's okay." "Have some dinner?" " I have spaghetti-O's and franks." " No thank you." " It's not bad actually." " I found one." " One what?" " A Jewish person." "You did?" "Where?" "I was driving back from Douglas Junction, and he was hitch-hiking." " His car broke down?" " No, he was just hitching." "You found a Jew hitching?" "It's impossible, Jews don't hitch." " He's right outside, want to meet him?" " For real?" " Yes." "Don't make him stand outside." " Come on in, Buck." " Buck?" " That's his name." "Buck Schoen, I'd like you to meet Dr. Joel Fleischman." " Shane?" " That's right." "That's kind of unusual, isn't it?" "It's German, S-C-H-O-E-N." "Buck's a lumberjack when he's working." "Would you excuse us?" "You just hang out, you don't have to go outside." "I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but..." " ...someone's pulling your leg." " What do you mean?" " That man is definitely not a Jew." " He's not?" "No, look at him." "Jews don't wear suspenders, slobber tobacco and have names like Buck." " His real name's Leon." " Yeah?" "Well, we'll see about that." "Buck, I don't have any doubts or anything and don't take this wrong but I made a promise to my rabbi so" "I was wondering would you mind reciting the sh'ma?" "Shma Israel, adonai elohenu, adonai echod." " Where did you grow up?" " Cleveland." "Well, Shaker, actually." "Shaker Heights?" "I had a lab partner who grew up in Shaker Heights too." "He said it was like a Midwest version of Scarsdale." "Not my bag," " ...meals come with the package, right?" " Yes, per diem also." " Cash on the barrelhead?" " We'll stop by Maurice's office." " See you later, Dr. Fleischman." " Yeah." "Two down, eight to go." " Alright, thanks." " See you later." "See you, Buck." "Tonight the spaghetti feed at the Brick, all you can eat. 2.50." "I love roadwork." "Rhythmic pounding in the joints, feels good." " I think I've got blisters." " How are you?" "Find everything?" " Yep." " Yeah." "Good." "Beer with breakfast." "Reminds me of home." "There's something about you guys." "You look familiar." " Have we met before?" " You don't time at Marion?" " No." " Ever run cigarettes along I95?" "I've got it." "I have this recurring nightmare I'm being chased by rednecks with sheets." "I keep running and they stay on my tail like MIGS." "You are the guys!" "The two that tried to lynch me." "I thought it was a racial anxiety nightmare, but it's a family thing." "How about that?" " Another round for my landsman here." " Coming right up." " Somebody's stoked this morning." " I had a breakthrough last night." "I was having trouble with this reverse twirl, so Marilyn stops the music and she gives me what she calls her silver dollar move." "She's been saving just in case." "I tell you, one minute with that move, we are twirling around that room like nobody's business." " Is that a fact?" " Yes, ma'am." "When I dance with Marilyn, I feel lighter than air." " Hey, Dave?" " Yes, Shelly." " Can I ask you a question?" " Sure." " How do you think Holling moves?" " The way he moves?" " Well, I think he moves pretty good." " Really?" " Yeah." " Do you think he's sexy?" "Sexy?" "Sure." " Say "ah"." " Ah..." "Of course you can't swallow." "Your glands are the size of golf balls." "Are you busy, Joel?" " Yeah, actually." " I have someone for you to meet." "This is Nigel Axelrod." "He's one of your people." "Hi." "Delighted." "Though I regret it has to be under such circumstances." "Nigel works for British Petroleum up in Prudhoe." "Chemical engineer." "I've worked all over the globe." "Egypt, Venezuela, North Sea." " He calls himself the wandering Jew." " My little joke." "I found him though a friend in the Audubon Society." "Are you a bird person?" " I'm afraid not." " Pity." "And he also has someone else who can pray with you." "Hal Greenbaum, geologist in our Anchorage office." "He's hoping to hitch a ride over in the company chopper." " Really?" " Reminds me of... when I was in North Yemen a few years back." "My sister-in-law died." "You can imagine my distress." "Yemen is not exactly Tel Aviv." "But I ran into a tribe of Nomads." "I took the chaps for Bedouins initially." "Turns out, they're as kosher as you and I." " It worked out quite well in the end." " Come on, Nigel, let's go." "I'll show him our Siberian tits before we lose the light." "Splendid." "Looking forward to sitting Shiva with you." " Me too." " So sorry about your grandfather." " Uncle." " Right." " Hey, Bernard." " Maggie." " How much for a trip to Juneau?" " Round trip?" " One way." "240." " When do you want to go?" " Now, actually." " I've got a charter to Skagway." " Skagway's all right." " The plane's full." " I'll make it worth your while." "Say..." " 500 dollars?" " Does it have to do with the fight?" " You got a look at the Millers?" " It's not that." "Though the prospect of being demolished by gorillas scares me." " But the fact is I want to fight them." " You do." "I want to disembowel them." "I want to see entrails hanging from trees." " That's not like you." " I know." "It all turned around this morning." "We were working with tire irons and I let one fly against this oil drum, and something clicked." "Suddenly I wanted to do damage." "I wanted to put these Miller boys in a pit and cover them with lime." " Really?" " Yeah." "I've always deplored violence, it comes down to the same thing." "My side is better than your side." "I hate that." "Here I am, a certified public accountant, ready to sacrifice years of dental work for an ancestral vendetta I knew nothing about until yesterday." "You want to get out before you violate your principles." "Absolutely." "And that it's obvious the Miller boys will mop the streets with us." " Interesting." " I'll say." "Thanks." "I found another Jew for you." " Who?" " A distant cousin." " He converted." " You're kidding." "He's coming by kayak." "Seven down three to go." "Unbelievable." "I may actually say a Kaddish for Uncle Manning with a minyan." "That's something." "I don't..." "What I mean..." " What?" " Why am I praying with these guys?" " Because you're Jewish." " Yeah, but... what does that mean?" "We hold certain theological- ethical precepts in common?" "We know a smattering of Hebrew?" "Years ago our ancestors schlepped around a Negev, but..." "Intellectually, I appreciate it." "Emotionally..." "I just don't know." " What time is it?" " 2:30." " Dance practice ran over." " Yeah." " You go on." "I'll lock up." " Okay." "Goodnight." "Goodnight." " Hey, Dave." " Hey, Holling." "Goodnight." " Hey, Shelly." " A little late, aren't you?" "Time just flew by." "I never realized dancing was like hunting." "She said when I hunted, my mind and body fused, and I became the animal I was pursuing." "It's the same thing in dance." "Marilyn says." "Except the object is to become the dance." "Do we still have the full length mirror in the stock room?" " Why don't you ask Marilyn?" " I beg your pardon?" "Marilyn says this." "Marilyn says that." "Let me tell you." "You're not the only one with an animal inside." "Wayne says I move like a big hungry jungle cat." "But you wouldn't know about that, would you?" "No!" "You're too busy being an elk." "Go ahead, be an elk." "Be a whole flock of elk for all I care." " Are you Fleischman?" " Yeah." " We're your Jews." " You're my what?" " Minyan Rangers." " Have Torah, will travel." " What?" " You had a death in your family?" " Actually, yeah." " We'll help you set things straight." "I'm Greenbaum, that's Schoen," "Axelrod, Levi." " Strauss, little big Macher." " Shalom." "Hi." "The Coen Brothers, Ethan and Joel." "That there is Hautia." "Ethiopian." " Well, you ready to ride?" " No?" "I can't ride." "New Yorker, figures." "I've never ridden a horse." "I don't know even how to get on." "Come on." "We're packing strudel." "but it won't keep." " Let's go." " Like this?" "It's fight day." "A crisp 45 degrees out." "Glorious morning to kick butt." "Word of thanks to all you loyal K" " BEAR listeners for your support." "You never know what'll happen out there, that's the beauty." "Bernard and I hope to bring back some ears." "Any witnesses?" "So Before I risk losing my voice to serious injury, the Kaddish Countdown on this Erev Shabbat T-minus two worshippers." "Edna Hancock found a professor of counterculture at Nipnuck College, so we only need two more qualified participants and the doc will have his Kaddish dream come true." "Come on Cicely!" "Marilyn..." " We have to talk." " Okay." "Well..." "I know how much this dance contest means to you." "And what an awesome partner Holling is, and what I'm about to say is totally uncool," "but you can't dance with Holling tonight." "If I let him out there on that dance floor without me," "It'll be open season." "I might as well paint bull's-eyes on his undies." "Marilyn..." "I don't want a girl thing of pulling each other's hair but I will, if I have to." " Okay." " Okay." " Really?" " I fired him." "You fired Holling?" " Why?" " I'm going back to my old partner." "But I thought you said he moved like an elk." "He moves nice." "It's his stillness that's not good." " Maurice, can I talk to you?" " Just hold your cookies." "We'll get you two extra Jews if I have to call a couple of high priced lawyers I know in Anchorage and get them to fly up here and work on my will or something." " I need you to call off the hunt." " What?" "I know everyone's gone to all this trouble and I really appreciate it, but, it's not happening for me." "Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" "I don't feel like I can say Kaddish with a bunch of hired guns." " Hired guns?" "These are your people." " I know." "They're Jews." "But I don't know them and they don't know me." "You don't like the Jews I got you?" "What do you need?" "New Yorkers?" "No, look." "My feelings are private, I can't open up to people I don't know." "No matter who they are." "Especially if you're paying them to be here." "You've done some stupid things since you've been here." "But I've understood them, somewhat." "But this!" "You've stumped the band." "You're in a league of your own." "This takes the cake." "The Millers cut easy." "We'll get inside." "What inside are you doing?" " Go upstairs." " What are you going to do?" "Cut here, slash there." "Blind them with his own blood, when what?" "Get behind and grab him and pull him down as hard as I can." "All right." "Take these off, stay frosty." " You ready, Stevens?" " Yeah, let's go." "Take Jar-head here, watch out now, he kicks!" " I have one question before we start." " What's that?" "I realize I'm kind of new at this," " ...but what do we do afterwards?" " After what?" "After the fight?" "From what I've observed, this fight's a catalyst to our existence." "that's the thing that's gotten you through the darker days." "Right." "Look, I'm just along for the ride." "Totally expendable." "But it seems to me you guys really need each other." "Wait. what you're saying is..." " ...our mutual enmity is what defines us." " Exactly." "Take it away and what do you have to get up to in the morning?" "Like taking away a wall we've been leaning against our whole lives." "Yeah, we'd just fall over." "What?" "We're not fighting?" " Get in the car, Tommy." " Look, I can't believe this!" "Get in the car, Tommy." " Damn it all." " I still hate our guts, Stevens." "Same here, baby." " You okay?" " I'm wondering what might have been." "You mean the old fist to the face or vice versa?" "Yeah." "My chance to feel pain and inflict bodily injury and I send them packing." "I'll tell you what I want." "Take one crack, right here." "The best you got." " No, let's go eat." " All right." " Excellent gumbo, Ed." " It's an old Tlingit recipe." "I have to have some more of that blackened Coho." "Let's hear it for couple 11, Tom and Mary Barker." "Our next finalists." "Couple 24, Marilyn Whirlwind and Bob Livingston." " He's pretty short." " Good stillness, though." "First, let me thank you for trying to get me a minyan this week, even though I pulled the plug." "I'd really like you to know that I'm incredibly grateful." "Secondly, I'm no rabbi, but it seems to me that the purpose of saying a Kaddish is" "to be with your community." "And what I realized this week, is that," "you're my community." "So if you'll just bear with me." " Ed?" " You want we should all wear beanies?" "No, that's not necessary." "I'll jus say the prayer and we can all head over to the Brick." "Holling graciously arranged to have a cold-cut buffet and we can all have a little nosh." "None of you knew my uncle Manny." "I think the only thing that's important to say is that he was a good man." "I loved him very much." "As I pray you can think about someone in your life you loved and fell free to say a prayer in your own way if you like." "Ripped by subXpacio and TusSeries"