"Pardon me for staring, sir, but is that a human tooth?" "Name's Rosewood, ma'am, Oscar Rosewood at your service." "And it's a real human tooth, yes, ma'am." "It belonged to my late departed wife of 27 years." "Upon her untimely passing, I extracted it myself, to be worn as a memento of the sweetest little woman ever wore shoe leather." "How fascinating." "It's disgusting." "Oh, Prudence, there's no need to be insulting." "I said disgusting, and disgusting's what I mean." "A body up and dies, she's got the right to be buried." "AII of her." "Could we change the subject, please?" "Maybe if we introduced ourselves?" "It's my pleasure, ma'am." "Joshua Smith, and my name is Thaddeus Jones." "How do you do?" "I'm Leslie O'Hara, and this is Miss Chapman and Mrs. Palmer, our chaperone." "How do you do?" "We're from Philadelphia." "Philadelphia, Ireland?" "No, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania." "I was born in Dublin, though." "Oh." "What're you doing way out here?" "Oh, we came to take a look at the Wild West." "I hate to disappoint you, but it's not Iike that anymore." "You couldn't be safer in your own backyard." "Oh, well, I wouldn't say that, Joshua." "Why, it wasn't more than three weeks ago we were on a stage that was held up by a band of very desperate men." "Do you mean that could happen to us?" "Well, it can happen to you, but it couldn't happen to us, not twice in three weeks." "(GUNS FIRING)" "NARRA TOR:" "Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry, the two most successful outlaws in the history of the West." "And in all the trains and banks they robbed, they never shot anyone." "This made our two Iatter-day Robin Hoods very popular with everyone but the railroads and the banks." "CURRY:" "There's one thing we gotta get, Heyes." "HEYES.' What's that?" "CURRY:" "Out of this business." "LOM:" "The governor can't come flat out and give you amnesty now." "First, you gotta prove you deserve it." "Ah, so all we have to do is just stay out of trouble till the governor figures we deserve amnesty." "But in the meantime, we'll still be wanted." "LOM:" "Well, that's true." "Till then, only you, me and the governor will know about it." "It'II be our secret." "CURRY:" "I sure wish the governor would let a few more people in on our secret." "NARRATOR:" "Alias Smith and Jones, starring Pete Duel and Ben Murphy." "SQUINT:" "Throw down that shotgun real slow." "You people get out of that coach!" "Keep your hands in the air or else you get your head blowed off." "Now, throw down those mail bags." "AII right, line up." "AII right, boys, empty out your pocket." "Is that all the money you got?" "(MUTTERING)" "Why, you stingy old thing, you." "AII right, turn around." "Get up against that coach." "(URGING HORSE)" "They're gone." "Oh, Margaret, are you all right, my dear?" "Yes." "AII right, everybody in the coach." "Aren't you gonna do anything?" "Yes, ma'am." "Just as soon as we get to Mill Forks," "I'II make my report to the sheriff." "But that'Il take hours." "He'Il never catch up with them." "You call yourselves men?" "Letting those tramps take your money and get away scot-free?" "Oh, I'd be ashamed of myself." "Oh, now, Leslie, that's no way to talk." "I'm sure that they'd do something..." "Miss O'Hara, there's no sense in our risking our necks for a few dollars, especially when they got us outnumbered." "There were only three ofthem." "Oh, Miss O'Hara, there were six." "Three men and three guns." "Not to mention the ones they took from us." "How come you're all set on chasing after them, ma'am?" "Didn't notice them taking anything belonging to you." "There's a letter addressed to me in the mail bag." "How would you know that?" "Because I mailed it." "And it's very important." "I hate to say this, Miss O'Hara, but your chances of getting that letter back aren't worth a plug nickel." "Ru pay $100." "Did she say she'II pay $1,000?" "Yeah, I think so." "A hundred, $100." "Those men looked real mean to me." "We wouldn't go after them for five times that amount." "Like I said, I'II pay $500." "Unhitch the front two." "COACHMAN:" "I'II do it right away." "(ALL WHOOPING)" "That'd be four for you." "There's seven." "I figure we got about $20,000." "HEYES:" "That sounds like a nice round figure." "(COCKING GUN)" "CURRY:" "Easy, drop it." "Now, just get up on your feet, nice and easy, and lean up against that tree limb." "Where is it?" "Where's what?" "The letter." "What letter?" "The letter addressed to Leslie O'Hara." "We don't care nothing about no mail." "We didn't even look at it." "(COCKING GUN)" "Find it." "See, I told you." "You know, I bet the bank'II be willing to pay a pretty nice reward for this money." "Yeah." "Wrap up that money and put it back in the bag." "And while you're at it, all these letters, too." "That's good." "Okay, boys, back up against the tree." "NOW, you owe US some money." "Why, you stingy old thing." "There's nothing but hundreds in here." "Well, ain't that enough for you?" "Now, there's a matter of my ten and his four." "See, that was personal money." "Thank you." "Gentlemen, good night." "Wonder why he kept staring at you Iike that?" "What, the one with derby?" "Yeah." "Maybe he just liked me." "I think he recognized you." "No, that couldn't possibly happen to us twice in three weeks." "L got it!" "What?" "I know who he was." "Kid Curry." "I knew I'd seen him before." "And that other one must be Hannibal Heyes." "Twenty thousand dollars." "Well, I must admit, I never expected to see any ofthis money." "And if ever I can do anything for you, just say the word." "Well, sir, the..." "The reward?" "A reward?" "Oh, well, of course you are entitled to a reward, but since this money was stolen while in the possession ofthe United States mail service," "I'm afraid you're gonna have to look to the government for your reward." "Good morning, gentlemen." "And thanks again." "Remarkable!" "I want to thank you both." "You know, such bravery and integrity is remarkable." "Ifthere's ever anything I can do for you, you just let me know, you hear?" "Leslie, I don't want to seem like a..." "But don't you think it's about time we started thinking about going back home?" "Absolutely not." "But there's nothing we can do now that the letter's gone." "She's right, Leslie." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Who is it?" "Joshua Smith." "Oh, look, they've got it back." "Oh, come on in." "Ah, it's wonderful." "Good to see you." "I'm so grateful to you both." "Did you have much trouble getting it from those men?" "Well, nothing we couldn't limp away from, ma'am." "You said $500, ma'am." "Certainly." "And it seems little enough after all you've done." "Of course, you'll have to wait a couple of days for your money." "The letter of credit from Margarefs bank won't be here until then." "But as soon as it's here..." "What are you doing?" "Well, it's what the banks call collateral, ma'am." "But that letter's addressed to me." "If you don't give it back to me, I'II have you arrested." "Oh, please, listen to me." "Please." "Give me the letter." "I'II give you the money, I promise." "You'll get the letter when you've paid for it." "Look, I have something to tell you," "Ijust have to be sure I can trust you, that's all." "Leslie, don't you think..." "I'II confide in you if I think it's safe." "You owe us $500, and you're fretting about whether or not you can trust us?" "Leslie, don't tell them." "Iwill." "By all means, do." "You have our undivided attention." "AII right." "That letter describes where an army paymaster buried a $100,000 payroll right near here during the Civil War." "You have just lost our undivided attention." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Ma'am, now, there are all kinds of rumors about letters floating around these parts, and most people just don't pay any attention to them." "But this one's different." "HEYES:" "They always are." "But this one really is!" "What side was the paymaster from?" "He was on the Union side, I think." "You think?" "I hope you're prepared to find a lot of little pictures of Jefferson Davis on your money, if it's there at all." "It's there." "It's United States currency, and we're going to get it." "But we can't do it alone." "We have to have someone take us there, help dig it up, and see that we're not robbed afterwards." "Fifty dollars a day, and when the money's in a safe place, 10% as a bonus." "Well, $50 a day, that sounds nice, but 10% of $100,000 Confederate dollars, that's kind of depressing." "If you're so sure it's Confederate money, I'II change the deal." "Oh, you be generous, ma'am." "Take your choice." "10% ofthe money or $500 each, whatever we find." "That's after the letter of credit arrives, of course." "This ring will guarantee your money." "It's worth over $1,000." "May I?" "If necessary, I can prove it." "Huh." "Okay, you got a deal." "But if you don't mind, we'll take the $500 a piece and not the percentage, Miss O'Hara." "Oh, you can call me, Leslie, now that we're partners." "Can I have the letter, please?" "No, thank you, Leslie." "But now that we're partners," "I'II just guard it with my Iife if you don't mind." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Evening, Mrs. Palmer." "Mr. Treadwell." "May I present my companions, Miss O'Hara and Miss Chapman." "How do?" "And their friends Thaddeus Jones and Joshua Smith." "PRUDENCE:" "Deputy Sheriff Ira Treadwell." "Mr. Treadwell pulled me from the path of a runaway buckboard this afternoon in front ofthe general store." "Figured if I saved her life, least she could do is accept an invitation to supper." "And I did." "I'm sure you gentlemen will watch out for the young ladies." "Good night." "Night." "Night." "Night." "(CHIMING)" "Four, please." "Where's the sheriff?" "I got to see the sheriff." "Inside." "No!" "Wait!" "You're going the wrong way!" "Thank you." "Sure you wouldn't like to come sit down and enjoy some of these good beans with us?" "You're a considerate man, Mr. Jones." "Thaddeus." "Yes." "Thaddeus." "(SIGHING) But I'm afraid I'm not hungry." "As a matter of fact, I'II be glad to be able to stand up for a while." "Yeah, saddles do take a little getting used to." "A few more miles, though, you'll be doing just fine." "It's easy to see you're no stranger to horses." "My father had his heart set on a boy." "He gave me a boy's name, taught me how to ride and handle a gun, and face the fact that the world is run by the people, for the people." "The people meaning men, not women." "I loved him very much." "I'd be willing to make a wager that your father had his heart set on a girl." "I never knew him." "He died before I was born." "I'm sorry." "(HORSE NEIGHING)" "What's that?" "Who's that?" "The sheriff?" "I don't know." "Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry," "I arrest you in the name ofthe law." "You've made a mistake, Sheriff." "No mistake, Prudence." "Why, they're notorious outlaws, wanted in four different states." "Oh, I don't believe it." "They took the money back." "Outlaws wouldn't have done that." "No, but Heyes and Curry would." "There's a rumor they're trying to play it straight." "Well, what they did fits that rumor, and the description fits them." "Tie them up, Ira, and put them on their horses." "They're worth $10,000 a piece." "Yeah?" "Mr. Treadwell." "Deputy Treadwell?" "(EXCLAIMING)" "I'd Iike to have a word with the prisoners." "I'm sorry, miss, but I can't let you." "Prudence was quite positive that it'd be all right with you." "She speaks so highly of you." "I'd only be a few minutes." "Well, it'd be all right with me, but the sheriff has rules about visitors and such." "Oh, I'd be quite willing to abide by the rules." "What are they?" "Well, most important one is that all visitors has to be searched." "See, otherwise, they might bring guns to the prisoners." "Course, most visitors around here are men." "Well, ifthe rule is to search, search me." "I promise I won't breathe a word to Prudence about this." "Look, miss, do you give me your absolute word you ain't got a gun hid anywhere on your person?" "I promise you, I haven't got a gun on or off my person." "AII right." "You can stay for 10 minutes." "Oh, thank you, Ido appreciate it." "Down at the end." "Evening, Thaddeus, Joshua." "Or is it Hannibal and Kid?" "You were right the first time." "I hope you're not too uncomfortable." "Be a lot less uncomfortable if you figure a way to get us out of here." "I'd get you out if I could." "Ijust can't." "I came for my letter." "She came for her letter." "Oh." "You still have it, don't you?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, I still have it." "You got our $500?" "What good is money to you in here?" "Can't argue with that, Joshua." "Can I have the letter?" "Please?" "If you want it bad enough, you'll get us out of here." "Look, my name is on that envelope." "I can get that sheriff... (SHUSHING)" "No, you don't want him to know what's inside that envelope." "That money's not yours." "It belongs to the United States Government." "Unless it's Confederate money." "Then it belongs to you." "First, you get us out of here, then we talk about the letter." "But I don't know how to get you out." "Well, work on it." "Where there's a profit involved, I have a hunch that you can just about work anything out." "Yes, who's there?" "Speak to you, ma'am?" "Evening, ma'am, my name is Brown." "Do you mind if I come in?" "Of course I mind." "What do you want?" "Well, I been hearing about the trouble you run into this morning, and I figured I might be of some help to you." "You can get them out?" "Ma'am?" "Those men in jail, you can break them out?" "Oh, no, ma'am, I couldn't do anything immoral or dishonest like that." "No, folks are saying that you ladies might want to do some prospecting." "Well, I can't guarantee what you find, but I can sure help you look and keep you from getting lost." "Hmm." "Well, we do need someone." "Look, I can't give you an answer right now." "Can you come back tomorrow morning?" "Yes, ma'am, I'II be here bright and early." "And I sure do thank you." "LESLIE: (IN SING-SONG VOICE) Deputy Treadwell." "Yes, what is..." "I'm sorry to wake you up twice in one evening, but I've got to speak to the prisoners again." "You can do that without pointing a gun at me." "I know." "I just want to talk to them somewhere else this time." "You mean you think you're going to bust them out of here?" "That's just what I mean." "That ain't easy." "Unless you brought some dynamite with you." "Just the keys to the cell will do." "That key ain't here." "It's never kept here except when the sheriff's here, and when he's here, it's locked up." "Otherwise, it'd be too easy for people to do what you're doing." "Don't lie to me, Mr. Treadwell." "Just unlock the cell." "I ain't lying." "A woman pointing a pistol at me scares me more than five outlaws." "Ifthat key were here, I'd give it to you, and that's no lie." "Well, let me in there, then." "(gasps)" "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, ma'am." "He says he hasn't got the keys to the cell." "Could that be the truth?" "Sounds reasonable." "Don't!" "Would you just point that thing back at him, please?" "Bullets bounce." "You know, you try to shoot that lock off, one of us could end up with a bullet in him." "AII you'd succeed in doing would be jamming the lock so they'd have to saw the door open." "That's all right, though, Leslie." "You just kindly ask the deputy there to loan us his pocket knife and also that little letter spike that's sitting on his desk out there." "Just do what he says." "Huh?" "Oh, yeah." "(STUTTERING) The pen knife." "Oh." "Okay." "Right." "Here." "Thank you." "Go ahead, I'm listening." "LESLIE:" "You're a very attentive listener, Joshua." "I think you know enough about me now to write my biography." "Almost." "I don't know any more about you than I did the day we met, except that you don't trust people much." "You apparently look like an outlaw named Hannibal Heyes." "Well, trust is something people have to earn." "And I wouldn't know ifl look like Hannibal Heyes or not." "I've never seen the man, and there aren't any pictures of him." "Isn't that a coincidence that you and Thaddeus should fit descriptions of a couple of outlaws that run together?" "It sure is." "You really are Hannibal Heyes, aren't you?" "That's why you were so anxious for me to spring you from prison." "Leslie, do I ask you personal questions like that?" "No, you don't." "But I'm a naturally curious person." "I can't help it." "Anyway, I wanted..." "Why did you do that?" "To shut you up." "Our friends over there are trying to sleep." "Oh, an Indian raid wouldn't wake them." "Come on, admit it." "He's Kid Curry and you're..." "Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten." "What is it now?" "To the right?" "Turn right at the tree and seven paces." "One, two, three, four, five, six." "The rocks." "Okay, now, what happens?" "Rocks to the left." "Left at the rocks." "Ten paces, ten." "One, two, three, four, five." "Well, according to this, you've got another five paces." "According to this, you've got another five paces." "Heads." "You know, wait a minute." "You know, people just don't bury money underwater." "But according to the map, the water should be over there." "Probably was when they buried the money." "Five paces." "Five paces." "One, two, three, four, five." "(THUDDING)" "Got ¡t!" "(EXCLAIMING)" "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "I don't believe it." "Oh, how marvelous!" "Look out, look out, look out." "AII right." "Good." "Now, let's have a look at the Southern playing money." "I had no idea Confederate money looked exactly like U.S. money." "Or did Jefferson Davis have a black beard?" "You sure you wouldn't like to reconsider your original proposition?" "10%?" "Five hundred dollars a piece, that was the deal." "One, two, three, four, five." "One, two, three, four, five." "Ha!" "Well, I believe you owe us $500 more for retrieving the letter." "SQUINT:" "Everybody, up with your hands!" "Well, I'II say one thing, you folks go prospecting, you sure know where to look." "(MAN LAUGHING)" "Now, if you'll just..." "You'll take that money and put it back in them bags, I'II be much obliged." "Find their guns." "AII right." "Hey, wait!" "Oh, Iet her go." "There ain't nothing she can do to hurt us." "Round up their horses." "We'll take them with us." "And there won't be nothing they can do to hurt us, either." "(URGING HORSES)" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Where are they going?" "AII right, men, let's go." "Hold on." "Treadwell?" "Yeah?" "What's the matter?" "My horse is coming up lame." "You go ahead." "I'II catch up." "Look at them go." "When them horses stop running, that posse'll double back, so we got to get rid ofthis cash and get out of here." "You remember this tree." "And you remember these rocks." "(URGING HORSE)" "Let's move." "Come on." "(WHINNYING)" "You lost your shoe!" "Hey, look, a railroad track." "I am staying right here till a train comes." "Sure wouldn't advise that, ma'am." "This is only a spur line." "May not be a train along here for weeks." "How can you possibly know that?" "From the rust on the rails." "We walk?" "Not necessarily." "(HEYES LAUGHING)" "(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)" "I'll..." "I'II say goodbye now." "I gotta get back to Mill Forks in time to cook Ira some supper." "You sure this is what you want, Prudence?" "Law enforcement officers are notoriously underpaid, you know." "Someday you'll learn that love is more gratifying than greed, Leslie." "Soon, I hope." "Goodbye." "Bye." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "CONDUCTOR:" "AII aboard!" "Goodbye, Thaddeus." "Bye-bye, Leslie." "Goodbye." "Joshua, will you help me?" "Of course." "Thaddeus." "I..." "I really hate to see you go." "Have you ever been to Philadelphia?" "Uh-huh." "Once." "Did you Iike it?" "It's kind of dusty, but it was nice." "Would you consider seeing it again with me?" "I can't, Margaret." "It's not that I don't want to, Ijust can't." "Is it because you really are Kid Curry?" "Margaret, whenever you think of me," "I want you to remember me as a Iaw-abiding citizen named Thaddeus Jones, who likes you very much." "(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)" "CONDUCTOR:" "Aboard!" "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "Goodbye, Thaddeus." "What's the matter, Heyes?" "Leslie O'Hara leaving without the money." "That's what's the matter." "(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)" "You know, Maggie," "I've been sitting here feeling rather strange." "About what?" "About going home." "And I suddenly realized why." "I Iike it better here than I do in Philadelphia." "There's so much more space." "For the first time in my life, I really feel free, and I'd Iike to stay." "Do you think you could make the rest ofthe trip by yourself?" "Of course, Leslie." "I'II miss you very much, but I can get along fine on my own." "Now." "Are you sure?" "'Cause if you are, I'II get off at the next station." "I'm sure." "CONDUCTOR:" "Winfield, we're coming into Winfield, folks." "Goodbye." "MAN:" "Bring a bag over to the stable, will you?" "Put that on the buggy over there." "Mr. Jenson?" "Yes, ma'am?" "I'm Miss O'Hara." "Were you able to arrange everything?" "Well, I only got your telegram this morning, but, yes, ma'am, I got you a nice horse with all the gear." "It's over to the livery stable now." "Oh." "Come on, I'II show you." "Thank you." "Can I give you a hand?" "AII right." "How?" "You and I have been through some pretty hard times, Leslie, and I've got to know you pretty well." "Remember that girl who said she didn't care that the money was gone?" "The one who gave it all up so easily and got on the train this morning?" "She just wasn't you." "Looked a lot like you, but she wasn't you." "I can't say it isn't nice to see you again, Joshua, 'cause it really is." "Afternoon, ma'am." "Nice day, isn't it?" "Afternoon, Thaddeus." "You do recall that you were both paid in full and that you're not entitled to my money?" "Oh, yes, ma'am, we recall." "Just that we kind of figured that you might want to reconsider that percentage offer you made us under the circumstances." "Oh, reach for your guns, gentlemen." "Hello, friends." "Oh, good afternoon, Miss O'Hara." "You know, I'd just about given up on you till you hopped offthat train, and then I knew that myjob was just about over." "HEYES:" "Yourjob?" "Oh, that missing payroll has been an open subject on the Treasury Departmenfs books ever since the end ofthe war." "We found out about that letter, and we traced it to the man it was sent to." "The one you took it from just before he died." "Why, that lonely old man was almost like kin to us." "When he knew he was gonna die, he gave us the letter." "It's ours!" "So is the money!" "The rightful owner of stolen property is the one it is stolen from, Miss O'Hara." "Well, how do we know that you're really from the Treasury Department?" "Well, you're gonna have to take my word for that." "It's as good as gold." "Only it ain't negotiable." "The money, please." "Well, let's talk about the reward." "Well, I mean, it was lost money, and we found it." "You can't tell me the government doesn't owe us a sizeable hunk of what's in those sacks." "Well, that's an interesting point." "It might even have some merit in it." "Why don't you all come down?" "We're gonna talk about it." "Oh, and bring the money along with you, please." "Ten percent is the customary figure..." "Please." ""Dear Leslie," ""some day I'm sure you'll forgive me." ""You are young and beautiful," ""and you'll get along just fine." ""I am not young anymore," ""but I was fortunate enough to meet a fine man." ""And we need the money more than you." ""Don't try to find us." ""Deputy TreadwelI" ""and I are going where we can enjoy our September years" ""safely and anonymously." ""Your loving friend, Prudence." ""P.S. Ira had to leave" ""the posse that day." ""He saw you and followed you." ""I knew you'd be curious about that."" "Can I have that letter, please?" "No, ma'am, I'm gonna need this for evidence." "Um..." "Guns." "Thank you." "Prudence and Ira." "You think he'II ever catch them?" "I hope not." "Why?" "So you can get there first?" "That's not a bad idea." "I didn't think ofthat." "Hey, I've got a fabulous idea." "Why don't the three of us take off?" "Whatever we get, I'II give you a percentage of what..." "With..." "No, huh?" "What I'd Iike to do is go to Denver and get ourselves some good, honest work for a change." "Right, Denver is a likeable town." "Well, so long, Leslie, and good luck." "Are you walking off with $1,500 in your pocket that you got from me, leaving me here alone without a dime?" "Yep." "Kid Curry and Hannibal Heyes would have done something like that, but I thought you two had more class." "How would you Iike to go to Denver with us, Lesüe?" "Well, ifthere's anything I do better than spending money, it's spending somebody else's money." "I'II get my horse." "I'II be right back." "I'II take heads." "AII right."