"Woman:" "Is green tea all right for you, Hillary?" "Mm-hmm." "Thank you." "Um, so, when I finally got to New York and I knew that I wanted to support myself on my own so I could write, well, I thought that was gonna mean, you know, serving cheesecake in Junior's or temping in the Bronx." "And it turned out it meant part-time sex work in an oddly clinical townhouse in midtown." "And you know something?" "That was the happiest I've ever been." "But I don't understand because you came to New York because you wanted to write, so I don't really get, like, how, like, servicing other people would give you what you wanted." "Yes, but that's the mistake we all make, isn't it?" "Believing that being a writer means being, you know, totally and utterly uninterrupted." "It means silence." "It means, you know, a room of one's own." "No, no, no." "See, that's bullshit." "Bullshit." "That's what we perceive a male writer to have." "You know?" "And that can lead to, ugh, horrible solipsism and disconnection from humanity." "I'm not naming names." "Never naming names." "Martin fucking Amis," "Woody Allen, Saul Bellow." "If you give the men the space that they say they need, then their work suffers, they suffer." "I guess that surprises me because I've always thought that I was working towards this moment when everything else would fall away and I would just be, like, you know, alone and able to just indulge my thoughts." "No, but that's bullshit." "I mean, can you even picture that?" "Can you picture that?" "I am not a mother, and there's a reason for that." "Because childlessness is the natural state of the female author, okay?" "Write that down." "Get used to it, you know?" "And, you know, I hate it when everyone says," ""Having a baby makes you part of the world."" "I really resent that." "I don't need one of those to be able to look around." "You know?" "I don't... it's like having a truck driven through your vagina, isn't it?" "Totally." "So, then I'll just put it out there... is being a writer and being a woman at the same time, is it as hard as it seems or...?" "Harder." "♪♪ *GIRLS* Season 06 Episode 04 "Painfull Evacuation"" "I'm not scared." "As long as I can keep my mother alive, I'm not scared." "You mean tell me mission does not scare you?" "What scares me is losing the woman who raised me." "What scares me is the cancer taking over her whole body and, finally, her head... robbing her of oxygen and of the will to live." "What scares me is this world." " No, I'm not scared." " Woman:" "Cut!" " Jesus fucking..." " Cut, please, now!" "Take break, Jadviga." "What?" " Still, I feel there's no emotions from you, this feeling of big nothing, which, for me, is not okay." "I still don't understand why he's talking so much right now." "He is fucking scared." "And... and he's been so private about his mother's illness up until now." "So, what is it about now that makes him all of a sudden wanna go on and on and on..." " These are lines to explain!" " Yes, I know." "I know." "I just think I could do a better job if I don't say the lines." "So, which lines would you say, hmm?" "No lines." "No lines?" " With no lines, no story!" " Just..." "I..." "I want lines sometimes, Director Olatta." "Other times, I don't." "It just depends." "Adam, you're very talented, but I cannot keep with the debating you!" "It gets me so frustrate!" "I'm also very frustrate, okay?" "!" "I think we both want the same thing." "We wanna make the best movie we possibly can in the shortest amount of time." "I'm saying we're limited, unfortunately." "Yesterday, I'm completely here and... this is so fucking rude to talk about someone and..." " Fuck this!" " ( argument continues )" "Uh, good-bye." "It was nice meeting you." " What?" " Best of luck with your son's graduation." "I'm fucking leaving!" ""Wh-what?" "What?"" "This thing is itchy as fuck!" "Oh, you're so hot." " I wanna come." " Fuck me." "Yes, please come." "And then I'll come with your cum in my body." "Okay, great." " I want a countdown." " Yeah." "Five, four, three, two..." "You came early." "Hold on." "Almost there." "I wanna die inside the mouth of a lion with you." "And that way, we can be together forever, even in the moment of our own death." "Your death and my death, right?" "Hello?" "Huh?" "Yeah." "What?" " I would literally die for someone to say that to me." "That's, like, fucking poetry." "It's, like, Shakespeare." "Yeah, no, it is poetry." "It's beautiful and flattering." " Good." " Yeah." "But couldn't we just, like, um... just get dinner sometimes?" " Yeah." " I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks." "You're always at rehearsal or booty body camp, whatever it is." "Ray, it's not my fault if I wanna get strong for myself." "Yeah, no, I know." "And that's great." "That's good." "And you are strong." "It's just..." "I don't know." "Look, I wanna be in the lion's mouth with you." " That sounds nice." " Good." "It sounds cozy and warm and exciting and dangerous." "But I also, I don't know... don't you just wanna, like, get dumplings and throw down a few beers and just catch up?" "See what you've been up to and stuff?" "Yeah, obviously that would be great." "That's, like, if you asked me like, "What's your ideal plan?"" "That's my ideal plan." "Well, let's do it." "Let's do it tonight." "Oh, no, I can't tonight." "I have a thing." "And don't ask." "It's far too long and boring a story to explain what it is." "But, actually, that reminds me, it's gonna be a total nightmare getting uptown." "Do you think if I Uber, it will be made worth it if I'm able to meditate and catch up on emails in the car?" "Or should I try to meditate on the train?" "I mean, last time I tried to meditate on the train, some dude was manspreading next to me." "And it's just..." "it's harder, but maybe that's a better challenge to my ability to remain mindful." " It's just such a much steadier..." " Huh?" "Should I Uber?" "What?" "Uber." "Yeah." "You can take an Uber." "Hot rod in my urethra." "Pipe cleaner." "It feels like a pipe cleaner's in there." "Ow." "Ugh!" ""Law  Order:" "UTI." Gong-gong!" "It's not funny." "It feels so bad, okay?" "And I didn't even get this one from sex." "I just walked around in wet underwear for a couple of days." "You're gross." "Hannah, can you text that one interesting lesbian you know and see if she can get me into the "New York Mag" party tonight?" "I don't know, Elijah." "My bladder's on fire." "I don't know if I feel like abusing my media contacts for you right now." "Jaden Pinkett Smith is starting a greeting card line." "Please!" "You're gonna look cool for even knowing about it." "Can I at least have some pain killers?" "Oh, I wish you had asked me, like, two hours ago." "Clean out." "Well, will you tickle my back?" "No." "You know how they're shutting the N/R down at DeKalb?" "Reminds me of this time back when I was assistant to the transportation commissioner when... and they don't tell you this... they shut the B down, or let's just say they pretended to shut the B down," "leaving it running only for the mayor and his homosexual friends." " Sorry." " I think you can imagine who I might be talking about." "But if you can't, picture this... a train full of homosexuals, me..." "I don't judge... riding in secret." "Wow, that's a crazy story." " Here you go." " Oh, you can't imagine what I saw." "But my job was just to be quiet..." "Sure, yeah, just to be quiet." "Here you go." "It was really nice seeing you, Bobby." "Thanks for coming in." "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" " Have a good one." " Yeah." "Uh, hey, is that scone raisin or Craisin?" "I don't know, man." "I don't know." " Man:" "Hey." "Hey, Bobby?" " Oh, Jesus." "Ray:" "Bobby!" "Woman:" "Guys, someone call 911!" "Bobby?" "Bobby?" "and, Desi, it is my personal opinion that we really need to get back to work." "More specifically, you need to get back to work." "And I think it would be good for your health." "Oh, for my health?" "Okay." "So, I should just bail on my recovery?" " Do you think that's a good idea?" " No." "Hey, nice doing business with you." "It's been great." "I mean, I don't wanna play the blame game, but you're my worst enabler." "What you just did right there..." "and I don't wanna insult you... but that was fucked up what you just did right there." " Okay." " All right." "It's not an insult." "Nobody's blaming you." "Desi just feels as if maybe you have helped to support," " even encourage his relapse." " Yeah." "Again, I'm not quite sure how that isn't blaming me, but we can discuss... you and I can discuss that later." "But I think that the idea, Desi, that I have, in some way, caused you to develop an addiction to something is absurd." " No, that's... no, it's not..." " Oh, my God!" " It's not absurd." " Oh, am I... you're hearing what I'm hearing, right?" " Because..." " It's okay, it's okay." "We're going to let Desi finish, and when he's done, you can then let us know how you feel." "I promise you I'll give you tons of time." "Okay, you finish now, and then I'll have my time to talk." "I've been thinking..." "I've been thinking..." " Can I have some water?" " Yeah, have some water." " Take your time." " Mm." "Jesus." "Good." "Good." "As I was saying..." "I've had a lot of time to think about this." "And I take full responsibility for where I'm at." "That said," "Marne, you were there with me the whole time, right next to me." "You were my partner, but you never saw me." "You just saw this dick... or this voice, you know, or this guitar, or this record contract." "You had this idea about me, but you never actually saw me as a human." " Me, Desi." " Raneed:" "Mm." "And I fucking loved you." "It wasn't like your friends, like little Hannah and the gang, saying Marnie doesn't, you know, care about the environment, or Marnie's poetry is repetitive, or rolling their eyes and dismissing you," "saying, "Oh, that's just so Marnie, you know?"" "I fucking loved..." "I loved when things were Marnie." " Mm." " You know?" "And I was all in." "I just couldn't handle me." "And you made that worse." "You did, because when I was struggling, you know, you just shut down." "I mean, you just fucking walked away." "You gave up." "I shut down?" "I gave up?" "Do you have any idea how hard this has been for me?" "I have bruises all over my body from the two-hour massages that I need to deal with the stress of your addiction." "Are you..." "are you serious?" "Yeah." " Did you hear what she said, man?" " Yeah." "Because you just made my whole drug treatment about you." "You did." "You really did, Marnie." "And it's clear that your narcissism is detrimental to Desi's recovery." "Desi:" "Can I just say one more thing?" "Clean up your side of the street, Marnie Marie." "Keep your side of the street clean, Marnie Marie." "Woman in video:" "Common traits exhibited by children who go on to be diagnosed as sociopaths" " include displaying a lack of empathy..." " Yep." " harming animals..." " Guilty." " setting fires..." " Yeah." " and petty vandalism." " Oh, my God." "I did so much of this stuff." "Adam..." "I think I may have been a child sociopath." "I mean, I've completely outgrown it, but I'm a miracle." "I think I may have to write a term paper on me." "I just quit the fucking movie." "Fuck!" "The fuck did I do?" "I'm sure it's fine." "Can't you just go back and apologize?" "These Eastern Europeans are used to all this coming and going." "I can't fucking do this anymore." "Wait around like some tool to be someone else's fucking tool!" "This shit's just so fucked!" "I'm just gonna tell my agent to take me out of the game because I'm so fucking pissed!" "Yeah, I know, darling." "I know." "Do you get to keep those jeans, though?" "I-I'm sorry?" "You don't know." "You can do your job without a whole crew of assholes in your face." "You just have one fucking psycho to analyze." "Like you?" "Ha!" "Adam, this is why I'm saying you need to make your own movie." "You are an artist!" "I'm someone who knows how to psychologically support an artist." "You can't just make a movie, Jessa." "You need funds and sandwiches and people who care what you have..." "I mean, honestly, you're so boring." "We can get that stuff." "We'll sort that out." "Money literally grows on trees." "I mean, really, let's look this up." ""Making a movie."" "There's a lot." "God damn, that was stressful." "Right in the middle of a busy workday like that, just thwack, down he goes." "Yeah, wow." "Jose said his head smacked the ground really hard." "I feel bad." "He was trying to tell me this long, elaborate story about Ed Koch, some secret gay train, but I was working, you know?" "You can't... you can't listen to everyone at the same time or your fucking head will explode, you know?" "Maybe it's about picking who to listen to." "What's that supposed to mean?" "How long were you on the community board?" "Three months?" "Then you quietly retreated back to dating girls with six packs and pretending death wasn't real." "I'm worried about you, Ray." "You're smart." "You've always been smart, but your priorities are... cuckoo bananas." "And what, you're some fucking golden example?" "You hate your wife." "You hate your job." "The only thing that gives you a glimmer of joy on this planet is recycling soda cans." " It's free money!" " You know what, Herm?" "You're starting to really fucking piss me off." "You know that?" "I work hard for you." "I work hard for this business, and you're gonna stand there and call me a waste of space?" "Hmm?" "I don't need you to judge me for not letting Bobby gnash his dentures in my fucking face." "And who made you God, by the way?" "I don't think I'm God, Ray." "Good, because there is no God." "That's a very arrogant position, Ray." "Congratulations." "I've been with you through all these phases... the music, the failed sitcom script, the communism, community board, and now you're just coasting." "And I'm probably responsible." "All right, you know what, Hermie?" "It's been a brutal fucking day." "I'm not getting into this with you right now." "So sensitive, so testy." "Come on, Ray-Ray." "I'm not calling you a waste of space." "I'm calling you a waste of potential." "I'm going home, wherever the fuck that is." " Hi, Mommy." " Hi." "I got my Tracy on, and you're right, it's amazing." "All these tiny muscles I didn't know I had." "Yeah, it's a really great program." "I'll get those tapes back from you just as soon as my knee's healed." "Mom, I have blood in my pee again." "Again?" "Let me see." "Mm, sorry." "Ooh." "Okay, okay." "You have to go to the ER." "I don't wanna go to the ER, Mom." "I'm on deadline." "I can't." "All right, Hannah, just go." "Fine." "No one's making movies about actual human people anymore." "And that's where we come in." "You know, it has to be raw and honest, real." "Yeah, and the only shit that's real is shit that actually happened." "Yes." "Yes!" "We have to mine our lives for the truth." "You know, like, even if it fucking hurts, even if it's too painful for us to even comprehend." "Yes." "Adam, like us." "Like us with Hannah." " No, no, no, no, no." " Yes." "Yes!" " We can't." " What do you mean we can't?" "It's perfect." "It's perfect." "It's about relationships, it... it's about loyalty and deceit, and it's raw, it's powerfully true, Adam." "And it might even be cathartic for us." "You know, help us to move on from this mess and be free." " Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." " Yes!" "I'm, like, so sweaty right now." " This might be it." " Yes." "It explains everything about human nature." "How even with the best of intentions we can't help but hurt each other." " Yes!" " It's like a metaphor for war and... and corporations and religious strife." " All that shit!" "Yes!" " Yes, yes!" "Oh, Jesus!" "Adam!" "Oh, my God." "We might be a pair of goddamn geniuses." " Wait." " What?" "We have to shoot it on film." "Yep." "Okay." "Like, fine." "In black and white." " Too much?" " Yeah." "Yeah, too much." "I'm slipping." "Oh, fuck." "Oh, shit." "I'm not sure if you remember me." "Uh, I remember you." " How you doing?" " Good." "Good, yeah." "Yeah, I mean, I'm in private practice now." "Just pick up a few shifts a week here to help..." "The uninsured." "It's very noble." "But I do want you to know I tried to sign up for Obamacare and the website fucked me over, so..." "Well, I'll get right on that." "Um, I have a UTI." "I get them all the time, so I need, like, Cipro, Pyridium, codeine if you're feeling, you know, fun and fancy." "Yes, your urine tested positive for infection." "In the future," "I'd come see us a few days earlier when the symptoms start." "Yeah, it's just sometimes hard to tell if it's, like, just the baseline level of weirdness of my urethra or an actual issue, so it's like what's being alive and what's an infection?" "These are my questions." "I'm not sure if you..." "if you pee after intercourse, but that can also help in preventing them." "And, plus, you're pregnant." "Do you know that?" "I do now." "You know what?" "The hug kind of feels like the wrong thing, so I'm gonna..." "Do you know who the father is?" "Yeah, he's a waterski instructor who I'm not likely to see again, so..." "He's thrilled." "Listen, um... the abortion is an out-of-pocket expense, but if you need help, I can bring you." "I can have a friend handle it, somebody I trust." "What makes you think I want an abortion?" " Are you serious?" " Mm-hmm." "Thanks for your help." "I'll just use my expired antibiotics." "Ray:" "How dare Hermie accuse me of wasting my potential?" "Huh?" "The audacity." "What has he done with his life?" "He's got 20 years of wasted potential on me. 25!" "Okay, well, maybe that's why he's being so hard on you, because, you know, he doesn't want you to end up like him." "Yeah, because I won't end up like him, ever." "Okay." " Okay!" " Okay." "Fuck, I'm gonna totally end up like him." " Well, I mean..." " And even if I did end up like him, is that so wrong, is that so bad?" "He's got a wife, he's got a business, he's got the wisdom of a thousand fortune cookies." "I mean, I don't know." "Maybe that's... maybe I'd be totally fine if I ended up like him." "Well, maybe he wants you to have a life that's better than fine." "Yeah." "Fuck, you're right." "That's exactly what he wants." "He wants me to be a better version of himself." " I'm gonna go apologize to him right now." " Okay, good." "And you know what?" "Yeah, maybe it is time I make some changes." "Maybe it is time I do something fucking real." " Uh-huh." " You know, something people will remember." " You know?" " W-wait, like kill yourself?" "What?" "I'm sorry, it just really sounded like you were gearing up to that." "I'm not gonna kill myself, Shosh." " Okay, good." " Good." " Do you wanna kill yourself?" " No, don't." "No." " We'll talk about this later." " Great." "Shoshanna:" "Or not." "That got real fast." " Hi." " Hey." "We're here to discuss a creative project with you." "Well, uh, it's..." "it's a film." " Yeah." " It's a film about the complex dynamic that the three of us have been fostering for years now if you really think about it." "And I know it's really, really painful, so you don't have to make the decision now whether you wanna sign a release or not." "No, no, no." "No, we're so not there yet." " We're way far down." " We, um... no." "We just want you to think about how rich this is, cinematically." "You know?" "And to think about the story that we could tell." "And we just would really hope that you will grant us permission to share what has transpired with the world and sort of elegantly unfold this..." "This little package, really." "It's..." "I mean, eh." "You guys should do whatever you want." " Hey." " Hey." "What about the party?" "Ugh, it was total bullshit." "It was just, like, a bunch of old gays being like, "Oh, I'm so busy during the week." "I can only do uppers on the weekends."" "Oh, well, good for you, Anthony." " Did you go to the ER?" " Uh-huh." "Yeah?" "You get some drugs, little Eponine?" "Yeah, I'm okay." "Did they give you something for the pain?" "Mm-mm." "Those unfeeling bastards." "Come, come." "Put your little head on my lap." "Come, come." "There you go." "Come here, little girl." "I'm sorry I'm using my pizza hand." "Just adding more grease to this situation." "Hermie?" "You there?" "I'm opening up, you deaf bastard." "Coming in." "Hermie?" "Hermie?" "Hermie?" "Hermie?" "Hey." "Hermie?" "Hey, wake up." "I gotta talk to you." "Hey." "Hermie." "Hey." "Hermie." "Hey, Hermie." "Hey!" "Wake up, you motherfucker!" "Wake up!" "Hey!" "Hermie!" "Hey!" "Hermie!" "♪ When I grow old, the sun will cope ♪" "♪ Shine on every youth stain, youth stain ♪" "♪ Never settling down ♪" "♪ And it's no wonder ♪" "♪ I keep you close ♪" "♪ You're the water ♪" "♪ To quench my throat ♪" "♪ And if I never ♪" "♪ Let you go ♪" "♪ Will you keep me young?" "♪" "♪ Oh, when my heart stops beating ♪" "♪ And my breath won't flow ♪" "♪ And, oh, when my heart stops beating ♪" "♪ When you go, oh, no, I know ♪" "♪ Oh ♪" "♪ Oh, when my heart stops beating ♪" "♪ And my blood turns cold ♪" "♪ And, oh, when my heart stops beating ♪" "♪ And my breath won't flow ♪" "♪ And, oh, when my heart stops beating ♪" "♪ When you go, I'll know I'm ♪" "♪ When I grow old, I'll drink and smoke ♪" "♪ But just as long as you stay, you stay. ♪"