"Driver:" "Morning!" "Come on, James." "For God's sake, siegfried, where are we going?" "In here." "Morning." "Morning, gentlemen." "Nice day for it, isn't it?" "It depends what "it" is, Albert." "Those pruning shears you got in the window, let me have a look at them." "Albert:" "Thinking of pruning the privets, gents?" "I don't think it's privet he's got in mind." "Not privates surely, Mr. herriot." "What do you think, James?" " You're not considering a bit of finger-chopping for non-paying customers?" "No, not fingers." "But I tell you, these could save us one helluva lot of cash." "We can't use those." "We'd be struck off." "Siegfried:" "Rubbish!" "They're rapid and humane." "What do you think?" " They do look very sharp." "There's only one way to find out." "Let's try." "Fetch me some of those canes kindly, Albert, you've got over there, would you?" "You mean these?" " Siegfried:" "Yes." "Now hold one out to me." "No, no, no, up." "These are perfect, James, absolutely perfect." "You want a go?" " Really, Mr. farnon, I-- no, thank, siegfried." "Siegfried:" "Right, we'll take 'em." "How much are they?" "12 and six." " Siegfried:" "And the cane?" "Another shilling." " Good." "Help yourself." " Ta." "Good bye, Albert, and thank you." "Bye, Albert." "Privates... poor beasts." "Still..." "Have you seem this contraption they're flogging?" "What?" " Look at that." ""Humane dehorning guillotine, swift and efficient."" "Yeah, but look at the price." "£160?" "That's daylight robbery." "Of course it is." "Look at the size of the thing." "It's nearly as big as a man." "but not with that thing." "That's strictly for the French." "You want to use them for dehorning cattle." "Of course I do." " Ah." "But I tell you what, James, Albert's given me an idea." "How do you think they'd do for pigs?" "Siegfried" " What's that?" "Hello, Andy." "It's good to see you." " Good of you to have me." "It'll be all round the dales by 4:00." "What will?" " 'I saw Mr. herriot at the station." "He was picking up a taxman, a minister of agriculture official, the man from littlewoods, a police inspector...' you name it, by 4:00 you'll have been it." "It certainly makes a change to be noticed once in a while." "Welcome to the dales, Andy." "Thanks, Mr. 'erriot." "I've got the car outside." "So, how long are you staying?" "I don't know." "A few days maybe." "I was at this dreadful banking conference in Edinburgh and the thought just came into my head how nice it would be to drop in on the herriots again, recharge my batteries." "You're always welcome here." " Thanks." "It'll be nice to see Helen and the kids again." "Does she still refer to me as your 'city slicker' friend?" "As far as Helen's concerned, anybody who lives in a place with more than 2,000 inhabitants is a city slicker." "I don't know how you do it." "Do what?" " Work in a bank." "I wouldn't last five minutes." "I used to love maths, remember." " Don't I just." "Didn't you use to win prizes for dreadful things like trigonometry?" "Oh Jim, could we stop for a minute?" " Yes, of course." "Andy:" "This is paradise." "Look at all that green." "And those clouds." "I've heard people talking about air being like wine." "This is the first time I've realized what they meant." "It is all a matter of taste." "It's more like best bitter to me." "Come on." "James:" "There you are, Andrew." "I spy a banker, the very man we need." "Hello, Andrew." "Can't keep away from us, I see." "Hello, siegfried." "I only wish it were more often." "He's come to pay his respects to the rural life again." "I'm glad to hear somebody is paying something around here." "I thought I'd tunnel my way out of the office for a little 'bucolic bliss.'" "James doesn't have a monopoly of that." "You're more than welcome to try a little pastoral peace with me tomorrow morning if you want to." "Thanks, I'd enjoy that." " Good." "I'll check we have wood on the cooking fires for lunch." "Good, James." "And don't forget to draw the water." "Ah..." "I suppose you know all about bills in your trade." "I'd say we get the odd one or two, yes." "Look at this lot." "We've got unpaid invoices stretching back to the days of barter." "Farmers-- the slowest payers in the world." "Look at this one." "Dumbleby's a wealthy butcher and a farmer to boot." "He's as rich as a rockefeller." "If we get a glimpse of money from him, he's ill for a week." "I was under the impression that a farmer would spend his last penny on a sick animal." "They do, we get it all the time." "We present the bill and they say" ""there you are, that's our last penny, take it or leave it."" "Ever thought of slapping a writ on them?" " We have our own system-- p.N.S." " P.N.S?" "What's that?" "Polite, nasty, solicitor's letter." "Does it work?" " No." "Mr. pickersgill:" "There's two pennies in the slot." "Dial the number, right, number-- number three-- eight-- five" "hello, is that vet's?" "Siegfried:" "Yes, this is the vet's." "It's Mr. pickersgill." "I'm speaking from the cossack." "Andrew, come here." "You're speaking from where, Mr. pickersgill?" "The cossack, the telephone cossack." "Oh, I see." "What can I do for you?" "I've got a cow in calf to the ici and she's got them mastics." "Could you say that again, Mr. pickersgill?" "It were Mr. tristram who insemblimated cow and now she's got them mastics." "You mean, Mr. Tristan got your cow in calf by artificial insemination." "That's right, and now she's got them mastics." "This is a very bad line, Mr. pickersgill." "What was that last word you said?" "Them mastics." "She's got a chill in udder." "A chill in the udder?" "Oh!" "Mastitis." "That's what you mean, mastitis." "That's what I said first time." "I'm on surgery duty this morning, so you'll just have to rub and strip her until I can send someone out to you." "A rubber strip?" "What do I use that for, Mr. farnon?" "Rub and strip, Mr. pickersgill, rub and strip." "Goodbye." "Local patois." "Wondrous, isn't it?" "Mind if I wind the window down?" "No, help yourself." "You're a lucky beggar, you know that, Jim?" "You spend your life driving around in country like this." "I spend my life in a damned office all day." "I thought you liked your job." "I suppose playing around with figures is what I'm best at." "When I think I live and work in a windowless box and share what passes for air with a whole crowd of other people," "I think I'm due for a change, do something different with my life." "You can start by opening this gate." "Don't forget to close it, Andrew." "This is the life for me, James." "Afternoon." " And how are you this afternoon, sir?" "I'm very well, thank you, Mr. William." " Good." "Good, good." " Very good, sir." "James:" "This is a friend of mine, Mr. Bruce." "He's come along to see how we do tuberculin testing." "The brothers hugill, Mr. Bruce." "William." "Walter" " Sir." "Thomas." " Sir." "And Fenwick." " Sir." "Pleased to meet you." " Pleasure's ours, sir." "All:" "Pleasure's ours, sir." "By God, aren't these people polite?" "Courtesy like that's in very short supply in London." "Come on." "Let's get on with it." "Sorry I'm late." "I can never work out how long it takes to drive up here." "Yes, it can be difficult sometimes, sir." "Aye, it is difficult." " Yes, it is." "Aye, 'tis how to work it out, 'tis that, sir." "I'll get started, shall I?" "Whew... it's warm in here, isn't it?" "You're right, 'tis a bit warm." " It's warm all right." "It is warm here, right, sir." " You're right, sir, 'tis warm." "After a bit of rain, it's often warm like this." "Don't you find it a trifle warm, Mr. Bruce?" "I'm inclined to agree, it is on the temperate side." "I think you are right there, sir." "It is a bit warm." "I'll be looking for the cow's number inside the ear." "Walter:" "You won't need to look in the ear." "I've got all the numbers written down." "That will save a lot of time." "Been keeping herd records, have you?" "Walter:" "We have that, sir." "That's it, we have that." "Haven't been writing them on old bills, have you?" "No, I've set them all down in a proper book." "Good." "Could you go and get it for me, please?" "No need, I've got it here." "Is that it?" "That's your herd record?" "Aye, this is it, and it's all written down in here." "Splendid." "I'll just do this cow and then we'll do it by the book." "That first 'un, she's number 84." "That's funny, this one says 26." "Walter:" "You're right there, sir." "I said 26." "That's 26 all right." " That's bluebell's calf." "She's out of old buttercup." "Can't be, old buttercup was sold to Tim Jefferson afore this 'un was born." "This is Brenda's calf." "Thomas:" "Nah!" "She was bought in as a calf at Ashby's estate." "All right!" "All right-- let's call this one 26, shall we?" "All: 26 it is, sir." "Mr. pickersgill:" "It's them mastics, young fella?" "Mastitis, yes, I'm afraid so." "I knew it." "In me college days" "I was always told you get a hard swollen bag and stinking rubbish with them mastics." "You went to college?" "I had a two-week course for agricultural workers at Leeds university in 1910." "Oh, I see." " Well, lad, what's to do?" "There's no specific cure for this type of mastitis except to massage the udder and strip the teat as frequently as possible." "It's very prevalent at this time of year, hence the name "August bag."" "Some of your other cows may well be suffering, too." "I'm sorry there's nothing I can prescribe." "Young man, that doesn't bother me none." "Where there's stock, there's trouble, and I know from experience that trouble always comes in cyclones." "That's 65." "Put that down, Walter, would you please?" "65, sir?" " All: 65 it is, sir." "What the hell's the time?" " Five past 4:00." "Oh God." " What's the hurry?" "You can't rush these people." "This is what the pace of life should really be like." "Life's a fragile dewdrop on its perilous way." "The hurry is that this fragile dewdrop should have been on its perilous way over an hour ago." "Now, the next one." "I know that one, no mistaking it, she's number five." "It says 137 here." "She were bought in, wasn't she?" "Nay, nay, she's out of our dribbler." "Fenwick:" "Nay, our dribbler had naught but bald." "It would save a lot of time if you looked in all the ears." "Walter:" "You're right." "I do think you might be right." "Thomas:" "I think you could be right." " Fenwick:" "Yes, you could." "William:" "I think you're right, sir." "Would you and Mr. Bruce here fancy a cup of tea?" "That's very kind" " Very, very kind of you, but I have another call and heaven knows when I'll get out of here." "This test took a little bit longer than I expected." "I really have been an absolute fool." "You're right, sir." "You could be right." "You could be right there, sir." "Thomas:" "Yes, sir, I think you could be right there." "Are you sure you won't come with me?" "Thanks." "I'll just have a look around and then walk back." "I know the way you bankers think." "You want to look for somewhere to open a new branch." "Far from it." "I'm just going to check the lie of the land." "See you later." " All right." "Make all your own clothes, do you, Jim?" "Best bespoke plastic macs in Yorkshire." "Give me the French chalk, and I'll run one up for you." "I wish you'd throw that thing away." "You look like a pauper." "Come on, darling, this is savile row compared with some of the outfits my clients wear." "Besides, I couldn't ask you to mend this." "Have you smelt it?" " Yes, I have." "You should do things like that in the garage." "Position's best downwind with that one." "I'll make an announcement." "I'll get posters up" ""veterinary will only treat animals drenched in toilet-water."" "Thank goodness for that." "Helen, let me" " Oh, thank you." "Lovely." "Actually, I've got an announcement to make." "It's more of a confession." "I knew it." "A branch in darrowby." "No, I'm thinking of buying myself some property around here." "Small farm, some sort of enterprise which will generate more than promissory notes and mountains of useless paper." "You're not serious?" " I'm serious enough to have done the estate agents when you dropped me off in darrowby." "Helen:" "May I?" "So you're thinking of giving up city life?" "Why not?" "If I can turn my hand to banking," "I can turn it to farming, without the peptic ulcers." "I didn't know the cantrells were selling up." "Not surprising." "It's more of a quarry." "And Randall's selling Westbrook?" "James:" "He's going to buy Jeff Thomas's place." "Here's one for you, Andrew." "Molly milligan's cottage is coming up for auction." ""Cottage set in 10 acres."" "This really is lovely." "It's got roses around the door." "Who's Molly milligan?" "Marvelous old lady." "You'd have liked her." "She died about a month ago." "Of the country earth, was she?" "Absolutely." "For two years I treated her aged mongrel, her only companion." " Ah..." "I only regret that I wasn't able to keep him going till the end of her days." "It's a lovely place." " 10 acres doesn't sound much." "What do you want?" "Half a county?" "Lock, stock and barrel." "Farming is not what you think." "Henry dickson:" "I'm going in for pigs in a big way, Mr. farnon." "There are few things that I'd like to be able to do myself." "Want to learn the tricks of the trade, Henry?" "Not big stuff, drugs and the like." "Just a bit of castration here and there." "Take this here." "Couldn't I have a go at something like that?" "Castrate your normal pigs by all means, but this here is a scrotal hernia and it's only a vet's job." "Why?" "I can bone a leg of lamb with best of them." "Surgery and butchery aren't really supposed to be in the same league." "And then there's the question of local anesthetic and danger of infection and you really need knowledge of anatomy to be sure where you're going." "I'd really like to know how you do it." "I'll tell you what, if I do this one as the demonstration, you can watch and then make up your own mind." "Right, that's a good idea." "What do you charge me to do him?" "Seven and six sound all right?" "Whew, that's pushing." "I'll have your pound of flesh." "Go on then, 10 Bob." "Put that in my pocket, if you will." "I'll give you your change when it's all over." "Now, Andrew, I want you to hold the pig." "Henry, you show him how, and then you can come behind me and watch." "Hold him like that." " Hold him tight and bring him over here." "That's it." "Siegfried:" "Henry, I want you to pay attention and watch very carefully." "Now, you see if I do this," "I can push all the loops of intestine right back down into the abdomen, but if I do this, voila, it all pops out again." "See how it works?" "Hey presto, now you see it, now you don't." "Helluva student we've got here." "Now, you're pretty Hardy, so look, if I take the spermatic cord and wind it in its tunics," "and clamp it and this one which is perfectly straightforward," "there we are, that's it and all about it." "Of course, Henry's change." "You can put the pig down now." "Pay up, I want another shilling." "James:" "What do you think of the late Molly milligan's place?" "Look at this rose bush growing up round this window." "Before you know where you are, it's through the window, up through the floorboards and ends up in the roof." "Bit of pruning, that's all it needs." "There's room for an extension around the back." "Don't you think an extension would spoil it?" "The architect would have to make quite sure it doesn't." "I need a bit more than 10 acres, though." "You sound like a farmer already." "Teesdale's reckon I could pick up another 50 from that one if I offer him a bit over the odds." "James:" "What's the price of an acre this week?" "Andrew:" "Between £ 55 and £ 60." "You've done your homework." "When's the auction?" "Next Tuesday." "I better phone the old banco." "This must be very easy for you, as you almost own one." "There's no point in being a bank manager if you can't do yourself a favor once in a while." "Pass it!" " No, not in here." "Stop it!" "Listen to me a minute." "Go in the garden, see if you can find your bucket and spade." "Out, go on, out!" "Out now, and take the ball." "Come on now, stop it." "Oh dear, oh dear." " The thing I love about the country is the way it engenders peace and family life." "James." " Sorry, darling." "I'll get the car." "They can busy themselves loading up." "Is that them back through the front door?" "If it is, I'll slaughter you." "Oh, sorry, siegfried." " Don't slaughter me." "If you were to slaughter that damn dumbleby, I'd help you." "I wish he would take his custom elsewhere." "Don't let it get you." "All over the country there are businessmen and bankers working themselves up to heart attacks over nothing at all." "He just phoned me." "What, James?" "Got a calving he can't cope with." "What did you say?" "Where's his bill, Helen?" "I'll slap that on him before I lift a damned finger." "The top drawer of the desk in the surgery." "I'll get it." "You'll never find it." "You're an eternal angel, Helen." "Exactly, James, exactly." "Calm, inner calm." "I feel better already." "If there's one moment of the week that I cannot stand being hauled out of bed it's Sunday morning." "Sorry to disturb your domestic bliss." "Who was she about to slaughter, anyway?" "Why don't you sit down?" "Have a cucumber sandwich." "God almighty, James." "You're not going to buy a farm?" "No, that's Andrew." " Mmm?" "Yes," "I've decided to give up the rat race." "I'm thinking of bidding for Molly milligan's place on Tuesday." "Molly milligan's?" "That's no earthly use to you." "Don't you let James's innate romanticism corrupt you." "You'd be scratching for a living there." "What you want is a tested herd, a couple of milking machines." "Keep up with the times." "I'll take you to see a man on Monday who'll make your mouth water." "Tell you who" " Here it is." "Helen, thank you." "Have a happy day at the seaside." "Mr. dumbleby?" "Mr. dumbleby?" "28 minutes it's taken thee." "Where's thou been?" "I was preparing your account." "Come on, my cow won't wait." "Unlike some vet's bills." "That's for you." "You've got to bring the river thames right up to traitor's gate, Jimmy." "So we need a channel right down here." "You dig from that side and I'll dig from this side." "What's traitor's gate?" "It's where the prisoners entered the tower." "They were brought by boat from the palace of westminster, down the river thames and they went in through here under traitor's gate and once they were inside, the gate would come down clang and they'd never come out again." "What happened to them then?" " Heads chopped off." "With what?" " An axe." "That's cruel." " What's a traitor?" "Ah, well, a traitor is somebody who tries to break up a country." "If he fails, he's a traitor." "And if he succeeds, he becomes a politician." "What's a politician?" "They're the people who row boats, silly." "Many a true word." "James, many a true word." "I've been pulling them legs all morning." "I've had me hand in." "The head's there, but I can't shift naught." "We'll soon see what's what." "I'll tell you what-- we've got a pair of twins here." "That's why you can't pull this one out." "Those are back legs you've been pulling on." "Ass first, Mr. veterinary?" "The calf that's coming the right way has got four legs in shoulder flexion." "I'm going to have to push his head back, and then you pull these legs and get this other calf out." "All right?" "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "Now I've got his head out of the way." "Now you pull on this other one." "Go on, go on." "Mr. dumbleby, let's come to an arrangement." "You do the pulling, and I'll do the grunting." "Dumbleby:" "Beggar don't want to come at all." "You don't think they're siamese?" "No, they're just straightforward twins, stubbornness and stupidity." "You take hold of that leg." "I'll have this one." "Right." " When I say pull, you just pull steadily, no jerking mine." "And then I'll pull mine." " Right." "Are you ready?" "Right, pull." "Steady, steady, steady, steady." "Come on, that's it." "There you are, there you are." "There you go." "Now then, for your brother." "Come on then." "Here we come, here we come." "Come on." "Hold on to that." "You pull yours, steady, no jerking." "Here it comes." "That's it." "Big 'uns for twins." " Yeah." "Pair of calves you've got here." "Twins are quite often born dead when they get mixed up inside like that." "We were lucky to get them out alive." "Should be worth a fair bit, these two." "There you are, there you go." "Let's get these off." "That's it." "What would you have done if you hadn't become a vet?" "Not banking, that's for sure." "The only mathematics I have to do in this practice is subtract." "Gives me the jitters, when I realize that we live life one month late." "Hmm?" " The practice is owed so much." "Sounds to me like you need a good lawyer." "Either that or move to another practice." "Like what?" "The cat and dog end of the market." "That's were the money is." "As a matter of fact, I've got the chance to buy into a small animal practice." "Very lucrative, if I can raise the capital." "Go on." " It's for Helen, really." "It's time she had a new car and a house of her own and a chance to dress up for a cocktail party once in a while instead of tramping around in wellies." "What do you think?" "More to the point, what do you think?" "Would you like a few sausages?" "Yes, thank you very much, I would." "Very generous of you." "How much is that?" "Half a crown." "Thank you very much." "Jim tells me he's thinking of changing practice." "Helen:" "Yes, he's been offered a partnership with another vet." "Keep it under your hat." "Of course." " I think it would be good for him." "It's a modern surgery with all the latest equipment, best technology available." "There's even an operating theater." "It'll mean us moving closer into town, but I don't think he'll mind that." "Be able to spend time with the children." "He's certainly no 9:00-to-5:00 man." "Maybe he's due for a change, like you." "Life's not a static thing, is it?" "What about all this wonderful dales air?" "Won't you miss it?" "Yes, that same air that can lift the tiles off the roof and usually does." "James almost killed himself last year hammering those things back into place." "How do you feel about it?" "I think that must be James's decision." "Did you talk to Andrew about raising the money?" "Yes, in a roundabout sort of way." "I never really got that far." "It's ironic, isn't it?" " What is?" "He's thinking about moving in, we're thinking about moving out." "Yes." "Yes, it is." "Vet's here, Gordon." "Vet?" "What the hell does he want?" "Morning, Gordon;" "Morning, cyril." "Morning, Mr. farnon." " This is Mr. Bruce." "I've brought him along to see a modern farm." "How do you do?" "You don't mind if I don't stop?" "If I don't drain every drop, we won't pay the corn bill." "Mr. Bruce is a banker, but he's thinking of buying a farm up here." "Is he now?" "Put yours on 15, cyril, give 10 a wipe over." " All right, boss." "He can have this one, if he wants." "If he don't own it already." "He can move in tomorrow if he comes up with money." "I thought cows were always called 'bluebell' and 'buttercup.'" "Gordon:" "Nay, that went out with ark." "They're all numbers nowadays." "Daft beggars don't understand anyway." "Take this one, cyril." "Any troubles, Gordon, while I'm here?" "If there were, you'd be the first to know about it." "Do you find all this equipment labor-saving?" "Labor-saving?" "One of the greatest labor-saving inventions of today is tomorrow, and I don't get many of them." "I can tell you." "Right." "Thank you, Gordon, very much." "Yeah-- we caught him at a bad moment." "Poor man's rushed off his feet." "He rather overstretched himself I'm afraid." "Probably because he's undercapitalized, in hock to the bank with huge interest charges to pay." "He didn't seem a very happy man." "Happy?" "He's got a whiff of the future." "He hasn't got the background or the financial acumen to exploit his instincts to the full, but he's an example of what a forward- thinking man like you can do here." "Gordon's head is in the right place-- even if his heart isn't." " But Andrew, there's no place for sentimentality in this post-war world." "What we need is men who can manage capital investment prudently, constantly monitoring credible growth analysis, feeding crop and stock yields continually into forward planning, researching underlying market trends to influence strategy so as to achieve the greatest possible profit." "Stop please!" "You're making it all sound like working in a bank, which is exactly what I'm trying to escape from." "Darrowby 385, calum buchanon speaking." "Mr. pickersgill:" "I want you to come out here as soon as possible." "What is it this time?" "I've got a calf with semolina." "Semolina, I'm telling you." "I want you to come out here at once." "You calf is suffering from what exactly?" "Semolina." "A fellow were on about it on wireless." "You mean salmonella." "That's what I said, weren't it?" "What makes you think it's salmonella?" "He's bleeding from rectrum." "From the-- oh, I see." "I better come up and have a look at him then." "I'll be with you in due course." "Aye." " Yes." "Cheerio." "Semolina..." "James:" "There's an awful lot of them, Mr. dunning." "This may take some time." "Still, at least I've frozen eight of them." "Mr. dunning:" "Where's the machine?" "That'll speed things up." "Does thou want lads to give a hand with it?" "Thou's not going to use them things?" "Either that or die trying." "Miniaturization, that's the name of the game today." "Right." "Let's have one in the crusher." "The snag is, these are a bit of an unknown quantity." "Still, can't stop the march of sands, can we?" "Looks to me as though it's going backwards." "Other side of the fence, please." "I'll be all right here." "Don't want to miss anything." "Dunning:" "Watch out, he's coming." " What the?" "Hell's bells." "I should have brought my cape and sword." "Whatever happened to the cows in the meadow and little boy blue?" "Unless you fancy yourself as manoletti," "I suggest you stay where you are." "What are they doing?" " Making a tourniquet." "After doing 40 of those, my hands will be like stewing steak." "Got it?" "Okay." "And..." " Urgh!" "My God, it worked!" "Right, now the other one." "His temperature's not very high." "There's no diarrhea at all." "This is almost pure blood that's coming out." "If anything he's constipated." "Dang it." "I thought it were just same as that fellow were on about on wireless." "What was he saying?" "He said you could send samples off to a labrador." "To a what?" "The investigation labrador, you know." "I see." "Well, I don't think the lab would be much use in this case." "What's up with him then?" "Is summat matter with his rectrum?" "No, he seems to have some sort of obstruction in his bowel that's causing the bleeding." "Do you think it could be anything to do with this?" "And this came out of..." " Aye, couple of days ago." "Me and missus had just finished pickled onions, so I popped it in vinegar to keep it." "I were told to perverse things at college." "Of course." "Let's have a wee look." "This is a piece of dead bowel all telescoped together, an interseception." "It's normally fatal, but he seems to have got rid of it, so..." "He should be all right." " What did you call it?" "An interseception." "That's what it were, were it?" "Yes, but I have no idea what caused it." "I bet I know the reason." " What?" "I always said this 'un would be a weakly calf." "When he was born, he bled a lot from his biblical cord." "Is that a fact, Mr. pickersgill?" "You all right, Jim?" "Thanks." "Yes, I'm fine." "Going to be black and blue in the morning." "Come on, next one." "Thanks." "Oh my God." "I've cut through the tourniquet." "More twine, come on, more twine." " This is terrible." "If you were to see yourself, you're covered in blood." "At least it's not mine." "Still want to be a man of the soil, do you?" "Thanks." "Terry." " Glad you could come." "You're not chin decking it, have you?" "You could say that." "This is a friend of mine, Andrew." "Which one is it?" " This one here." "Looks like she's got August bank." "Could you pass me that cup, please?" "Thanks." "God, there's no mistaking that stink." "Summer mastitis all right." "Andrew, thermometer." "Thanks." "The quarter's pretty hard." "It's not looking good." "I can't understand it." "It's usually dry cows get it." "This 'un's still giving two gallons a day." "Makes a lot of difference, two gallons does." "All cows can get it, especially when they've started to dry off." "104." "What's going to happen then?" "Can you do ought for her?" "I'll give her an injection." "We must strip out the teat as often as possible." "You know as well as I do, Terry, damn it." "It's a poor lookout with these jobs." "Aye, I know." "She'll loose that quarter, maybe peg out." "Even if one does go, she can make up for it with the other three." "Aye, but a three-teated cow isn't worth much." "Is there nought I can do?" "I can't guarantee anything, but the best cases are the ones that get the most stripping." "So if you can do that every hour and bathe the udder with warm water" "and massage it really well..." "What I'll rub it with?" " Anything." "It's to move the tissues so that you can get more of that stuff out." "I've got some goose grease." "Fine, use that." "Right, I'm starting now." "Thanks." "He works his heart out for another farmer, earns 30 Bob a week, got a wife and two kids, and those two cows keep him this side of starvation." "Andrew:" "Do you think his cow will die?" "Yes, I think she will." "Hi, Ted." " Let me do this, you've had one hell of a day." "It can't have been much better for you." "No, it wasn't." "What would you like?" "A pint, please." " Make that two." "Yes, thanks, Ted." "Hello, William, basil." "You seem to know everyone around here." " Just about." "Must be a great feeling, walking into almost any pub in the dales and knowing everyone in there." "You must get that in the city." " That's not the same, that's work." " So is this." "I wouldn't know half these people if I didn't treat their stock." "Thank you." " Oh, I see." "Is it often like today?" "Death and disillusionment?" "Afraid so." "Farmers can't afford to play at it." "Their survival depends on the same things as your job." "Debit, credit, stock taking, writ, tax bills." "But if it is, they do it in muck, blood and dirt." "That's all." "Cheers." "All right, mr." "Atkinson, as quickly as I can." "Bye." "Andrew?" "Hmmm?" " How do you fancy seeing a pig giving birth?" "What time is it?" " What?" "Oh." "3:00." "Why?" " Oh!" "Is that all the light you've got?" "Aye, it is." " Can you shine it closer?" "Something's stuck here." "Right, hot water, soap and a towel, please." "No hot water." "Fire's out." "Bring whatever you've got." "Mr. Atkinson!" "The last 35 years for this." "Is there a torch in the car?" "There's no time." "I can manage." "Soap's in it." "How long's she been like this?" "All night." "James:" "God, this is a big one." "That was the problem, stuck like a cork in a bottle." "Coming off assembly line now all right." "So what do you think of the miracle of birth?" "Happy Birthday." "What was it our old careers master said?" "'If you decide to become a vet, you will never grow rich, but you will have a life full of endless variety and interest."" "You dragged me out there on purpose, didn't you?" "Did I?" " Can't say I blame you." "Farming is not all labradors and plus fours." "I don't think I'm cut out for it." "I love going to a pub for a drink, but I would not like to be a landlord." "There's nothing more difficult, or I suppose more precious than to be able to make up your own mind." "Any idea of the train times?" "I don't want to give the impression that" "I'm running back to London with my tail between my legs." "We don't think so, do we, darling?" " Not at all." "Helen:" "I can't say I blame you." "It's better to discover it now than six months later." "Why don't you open a branch in darrowby?" "That way you have the best of both worlds." "I'm afraid not." "I'd feel like a general running a scout troop." "With me it's got to be all or nothing." "I suppose I am a confirmed city slicker." "City maybe, slicker-- never." "I knew you'd understand." "Come and see us again." "Just try keeping me away." "Helen:" "Bye bye." " Andrew and James:" "Bye." "Goodbye." " I'll drop you a line." "Excellent." "Goodbye." " Goodbye." "Morning, Terry." "Having another go at it?" "Hmm." "My God, she looks a lot better." "Aye." "Come and have a look at this." "What's going on?" "Have you switched cows?" "Nay, Mr. herriot, it's the same cow all right." "She's better, that's all." " Terry, it's impossible." "What the hell have you been doing to her?" "Just what you told me, rub and strip." "She's as good as new." "I've never seen anything like it." "I know you haven't." "You've never seen a man who'd rub and strip a cow all night, have you?" "All night?" " Yes." "He's been sitting on that stool since you left him last night." "Never been to bed, never been in for a meal." "I've had to bring him pieces to eat all night." "Great fool." "It's enough to kill anybody." "You've done the impossible." "Your cow is fully recovered." "The best thing you can do is get some rest." "You look all in." " I can't do that." "I've got me job to go to, and I'm late as it is." "Siegfried's had to rush up to Mason's farm for a milk fever and calum's up at banks' farm for a suspected sheep scab." "Meanwhile another would-be farmer heads South." "Siegfried:" "James!" " We're in here." "What's the matter?" "Feeling a little unloved today?" "Helen:" "We all go through it once in a while." "It happens to the best of us and there's no harm in using each others' shoulders to cry on from time to time." "Absolutely." " It so happens I have the cure for all your ills." "I looked in at the Molly milligan auction hoping to bump into Andrew." "I expected to see him there with his checkbook, but Cecil Cooke told me that he saw you putting him on a train." "He had an attack of second thoughts." "Ah." "Perhaps his time has not yet come." "There you are, James, lot 107." "I got it." "For less than the price of a renoir." "Helen: "My three favorite men."" "Thank you very much." " Entirely my pleasure." "Not really as bad as all that, is it?" "No, I suppose not." "What would he do without you?" "Or I without him?" "Darrowby three-eight-five." " Mr. pickersgill:" "Hello, is that vet's?" "Yes, Mr. pickersgill." "Ah, you're in the cossack, are you?" "Yes, of course you are." "Don't worry, I'll be out there as soon as I possibly can." "Goodbye."