"BIRDSONG" "DOG WHINES" "Amazing to think he's actually down there this time." "You were quite sure he was dead?" "Oh yes, as was the doctor." "And the pathologist." "And the undertaker." "Always pays to be certain with Simon." "Life won't be the same without him." "Mm." "Mr Kingdom!" "Oh, Lord." "Mr Kingdom!" "Oh, Lord." "Some things never change." "Come on, Milly!" "Mr Kingdom!" "Mr..." "Mr Kingdom!" "I... (ASSERTIVE) Mr Kingdom!" "HORSE WHINNIES" "RUMBLE OF HOOVES" "Are you all right?" "Me?" "Oh, yeah." "Fine." "Man of iron." "Fabulous." "Here." "Thank you..." "Urgh..." "Um, Lyle Anderson." "Kate." "Kate." "Right." "You've got a crab where you don't want one." "Huh?" "Oh!" "Oh, now!" "Um, er, yes... (GROANS)" "Listen, listen, at least have a cup of tea." "Dad, I have to go." "I've done your shopping for you." "I'm late for work as it is." "I see, so I'm all on me own again, am I?" "It's not like that, Dad." "You know I've got work to go to." "You hardly ever drop by." "I don't need to." "You ring me seven times a day." "I still have a grandson, do I?" "Eh?" "Yes." "Go and have your breakfast, Milly." "It's all right for some." "(GROANS)" "Good Lord!" "It's the creature from the Shipborough Lagoon." "Army." "Think they own the place." "I am gonna take 'em to the cleaners." "Legally, obviously." "Not literally." "Take my clothes to the cleaners." "DOOR OPENS Morning." "When did you stop being twelve?" "Has my new desk arrived?" "Desk?" "Gift." "What new desk?" "From my mum." "For qualifying." "Has this been through the office furniture sub-committee?" "Personal gift, so it's exempt." "Don't talk to me." "Don't ask me to do anything." "I just need a moment." "Um..." "So, how is your father?" "(GRUNTS)" "PHONE RINGS If that's him, I've emigrated." "Kingdom and Kingdom." "Hello, Tony." "I'll be right out." "So, it's time to road-test the ramp." "Right, Tony, we'll get you sorted out in a twinkle if I can just...work out how this goes." "Er... (CHUCKLES)" "I don't quite..." "It just says, "Slot A into Tab A, and there's no sign of where either of those actually..." "The thing is, it says here about..." "Nice set of wheels, Mr Kingdom." "That's what I miss." "I'd give my right arm to be driving again." "You're kidding me?" "Well, that's it, is it?" "Half a leg and a bloody naffed-up eye!" "Bit cheap, isn't it?" "No, Tony, we don't have to accept this!" "Look, I appreciate your help, Mr Kingdom, but I..." "I don't want any fuss." "What happened, happened." "You know, I'm a lucky one." "A few of us didn't make it out." "We can fight, we can launch an appeal." "There are plenty of other Iraq veterans taking on the MOD." "Look at that." "St Bernard's." "Big car boot sale." "Spent about eight quid and not so much as a sniff of a date." "A car boot sale isn't the best place to find love." "Maybe you should have a consultation with Nigel here." "I'm a counsellor, not a matchmaker." "Perhaps I need counselling." "Oh, all right, then." "Erm...when was your last date?" "2002." "That's gonna take a few sessions, and er, I don't come cheap." "Hey, do you mind?" "I spent twenty pence on that." "Ted, this is Georgian silver." "It's worth about 500 quid." "Nigel!" "Well, Tony, you've delivered for your country." "I'll see to it that your country delivers for YOU." "Lyle!" "Ramp." "Don't ruin your suit." "That thing is heavy!" "(GROANS)" "Hi!" "(AWKWARD) Hi, there." "Um, hi." "Ramp, Lyle." "Everything OK?" "Yeah, we're moving on." "Mr Kingdom's got everything under control." "We'll do our very best." "I promise." "(MOUTHS WORDS) It's all right, I can manage." "Yeah, I know you can manage..." "I'm just a local solicitor." "This could be out of our league." "I promised him his country will deliver, but will it?" "Will WE?" "Any suggestions?" "I was so hoping she was single." "Mr Anderson?" "Desk delivery." "Yes!" "(KATE GROANS)" "Are you all right?" "Yeah." "Fine." "(GASPS)" "PHONE RINGS" "CONTINUES RINGING" "Gloria?" "I can't." "It's pretty straightforward, they tell me." "You just sort of reach out and grab the handset." "It'll be Dad." "I can tell by its ring." "Huh..." "Kingdom Solicit..." "Hello, Cyril!" "Yes, it is, y..." "No, no, she's out, I'm afraid." "What...?" "What-a-woop?" "Oh, yes, yes." "Got it, yeah." "I'll tell her." "If you say so." "I'll let her know." "Bye-bye." "Cup-a-Soups, apparently." "And where has ITV4 gone on the Freeview box?" "Is there an ITV4?" "It's attention-seeking." "Whatever I do for him, it's never enough." "Anyone got a screwdriver?" "FAINT SHOUTS" "FAINT COMMANDS" "Thank you." "Excuse me, sir, we seem to have a bit of a problem." "I'm sorry, I think there's been some sort of mistake." "Why me?" "Because you're his grandson!" "And you're not trying to hold down a job and placate him all at the same time." "It's a gross injustice." "If life was fair, I'd have to shut up shop." "Hi!" "Peter." "Oh, hello, Nigel." "How's your reconciliation with the lovely Rosie going?" "I wonder, could I borrow some books on family law?" "Oh, no." "Who's she run off with this time?" "Oh, no-one." "We've never been happier." "I'm a marriage counsellor now." "Oh..." "Haven't you got something simpler?" "Well, I'm sure Lyle will have an idiots' guide." "I could ask him." "Tell me, Nigel, when did you decide on this career change?" "When Rosie had an affair with your late brother." "And the one with the bloke from the garage." "And the lad from the estate agent's?" "Yes." "All of them, I suppose?" "Well, it all had to stop." "And I obviously wasn't giving her something." "Right..." "Then I realised, the secret to any relationship is communication." "Her desires, her wanderings, were just a cry for help." "What she really wanted..." "was more of ME." "So I had a thought." "Give something back." "So, marriage guidance...is for me." "Right!" "So you've um, given up all your other voluntary work, have you?" "The crazy golf for the over-70s, all that?" "Oh, no." "I'm still out most evenings." "This way, Miss Mitchells." "New desk." "What can I do you for?" "I've been sexually discriminated against." "By the Army." "By the Blues and Royals." "That lot who ride along the beach?" "Yes, that kicked sand at you." "Well" " Kate - you've certainly come to the right man." "It was so humiliating." "They said they'd made an administrative error, that I shouldn't have even been invited for my interview." "So I asked why." "Because I'm a woman!" "Wait right there." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "(GROANS)" "So, um, usually, when the Army turns you down for one regiment, they offer an alternative." "I don't want alternatives." "I want to join the Blues and Royals." "Look, I am fit enough," "I'm quick enough, I'm good enough." "You can't argue with that." "If she can't join the cavalry, then no-one can." "I came to you cos you know the regiment." "You are dealing with Tony Gillespie's compensation case?" "Yes, but I can't discuss that case with you, Miss Mitchells." "Good." "Because he mustn't know anything about this." "Don't tell him anything." "Grandad." "Grandad." "Grandad?" "Why doesn't she want to tell him?" "I thought relationships were all about openness and sharing." "Come back to me when YOU'VE had a few more relationships." "It's none of our business." "That is a ridiculous-sized desk." "That is a ridiculous-sized office." "PHONE RINGS" "RINGING CONTINUES" "Kingdom Solicitors." "Same family, different generation." "Scott." "Scott?" "No, there must be something behind it." "Well, there is." "She's a girl." "It's symptomatic of how the Establishment view women." "Girls can't fight." "They want to go to Leeds on a Saturday night." "SAS wouldn't come out alive." "What do you mean he wasn't there?" "He's always there!" "Did you knock?" "Peter..." "He could be lying dead on the floor!" "I suppose I could have left the keys in the ignition." "Where's my car?" "My lovely beautiful, gorgeous car, where is it?" "It's been stolen!" "It's an Alvis. 1965." "Drophead Coupe, TE 21." "OK?" "OK." "Hurry up, Peter, please!" "It's Alice blue with grey leather interior." "If you see some hoodie driving it, let me know." "Peter!" "Dad!" "Thank God you're all right!" "Where have you been?" "Here." "Have you got my Cup-a-Soups?" "We thought you were dead." "Yes, Scott brought them down." "No, it wasn't Scott." "No, it was some other boy." "Oh, no, that's minestrone." "I don't want minestrone!" "Tomato." "Come back when you've got tomato!" "Deep breath." "Count to ten." "Think of angels." "And..." "I'm out of bread." "Bread!" "So, you want to join the Army?" "Yes, sir." "I do, sir." "Sir!" "And why do you want to become a soldier?" "Er..." "The weapons." "I want to join your lot." "The Blues and Royals." "Right." "Normally we'd take you straight from school, but I suppose if you're older, you're wiser." "What are you doing at the moment?" "I work in an office." "Doing?" "A job." "And that job is?" "Managerial." "Name?" "Lyle Anderson." "And you're male?" "Yes, but what if I wasn't?" "What if I was a...girl?" "Are you having some sort of operation?" "No, no." "Er, hypothetically, what if I was a girl?" "Then the Blues and Royals isn't for you." "Because of my sex?" "Because of combat effectiveness." "Combat effectiveness?" "No." "Al-vis." "A-L-V-I-S for Stolen, as in Alvis." "As in Alvis has left the building." "No, don't..." "Greensleeves again." "Shame." "I liked your car." "As a matter of fact, so did I." "Professional job, I reckon." "Probably stolen to order." "Who knew you had it and kept it here?" "Well, the whole of Market Shipborough!" "This is where every day it's parked!" "That's gone for good." "It's probably on a container ship out of Harwich as we speak." "Whoo-hoo!" "Aunt Auriel?" "Nice colour. (CHUCKLES) Peter?" "Ministry of Defence!" "Peter Kingdom." "(GROANS)" "(GROANS AND SIGHS)" "It's not a battle between you and him." "It's a battle between you and your head." "(TO HORSE) Come on!" "Come on." "(GRUNTS AND MOANS)" "No." "No, no." "That is not good enough!" "KNOCK ON DOOR" "Peter, have you ever heard of combat effectiveness?" "(SIGHS)" "Sorry." "I'll..." "Really sorry about your car." "Mm?" "Oh, it's nothing to do with my car." "I've just been on the phone to the Ministry of blasted Defence." "They keep putting me through to some Whitehall inadequate." "Tony is the sole survivor of a roadside bomb in Iraq." "He lost his leg and an eye, and they have itemised his compensation!" "£46,000 for his leg, if you please." "£8,625 for his eye?" "Yes, and it might well be that low because of the "sliding scale"." "Apparently, if you suffer multiple injuries in the same incident, they pay you less for each one!" "This man, these men, they fought a war in our name!" "Not in my name." "Well, support the war or not, they...they put themselves in the front line." "You agree to serve the Queen and she agrees to look after you." "She's over eighty." "Don't see her changing any bandages." "No, it's the Crown." "It's the Queen and country." "A contract between a soldier and his nation." "Each promising to protect the other." "In theory it's... well, such a...such a noble concept." "I'm sorry." "You were saying something about combat effectiveness?" "No, don't worry." "I'll sort it." "Ah!" "Whoo!" "Afternoon, lockkeeper." "Oh, it's a lovely day!" "Ahoy there!" "Mum, stop it." "Came up from Barton this morning." "We're hoping to make Trenton by nightfall." "I don't think so." "Not this time." "Best you go back to where you came from, because you're not going through my lock." "I'm sorry?" "But you're right, though, it is, er..." "It's a lovely day." "Mm-hm." "PHONE RINGS" "DOOR OPENS" "PHONE CONTINUES TO RING" "Now, come on, Gloria, I thought we covered this earlier." "Book one, lesson one, page one." "Answering the phone." "We grasp, we lift, we extend." "Kingdom and Kingdom." "Hello, Cyril." "What...?" "What?" "Cyril, I hope you haven't raised your fists to any..." "Oh!" "Cyril!" "Cyril?" "Bugger." "Cyril?" "I left the baby in the trolley." "You left the what in the what?" "Oh, for God's sake, Peter, don't fuss." "I'm about to make an announcement." "(OVER TANNOY) Petra, darling, it's Mummy." "I am so sorry." "Excuse me!" "I didn't mean to leave you behind." "Wherever you are, just give me a nice big scream." "BABY CRIES" "This is waterway robbery!" "You're an extortionist!" "I shall report you." "I have friends at the Admiralty." "It is nothing short of blackmail!" "Don't you wave your finger at me!" "I'm perfectly within my rights to refuse you passage." "Dad!" "Cyril, please." "He's demanding £170 to let us through this lock." "I'm so sorry." "We'll have you through the lock in no time." "Either they pay it or they go back to where they came from." "Dad, please!" "You should be in an old people's home." "Don't you tell me where I should be or not be." "Your boat does not have a navigation licence, and under the powers vested in me by the Market Shipborough Navigation Act of 1793," "I have the right to collect the money or refuse passage." "A navigation licence?" "And what might that be when it's at home?" "Well, it's, you know, like a road tax, only for boats." "Huh..." "If you're not going to pay up, then you turn your vessel round and you go back to where you came from." "You are not obstructing my lock." "Dad, please!" "We are not going anywhere!" "You'll have to make us!" "The lady is not for turning." "(SCOFFS)" "You do have a copy of this 1793 Act?" "Of course not." "It's all up here." "HORSE WHINNIES" "DOG BARKS" "Minor problem." "The Army has an exemption from the Sex Discrimination Act." "Lyle!" "All the windows in the house are open!" "Do you want him to hear?" "Sorry." "I thought you said I had a case?" "Well, there's this thing called combat effectiveness." "In the Blues and Royals you don't just ride horses." "I know." "They're an armoured reconnaissance regiment too." "They do formation recces in Scimitars." "It's what Tony was driving when the bomb went off." "Their point is, if you were locked up and enclosed in a tank for several days with a group of men, then it wouldn't be conducive for warfare." "There is, however, an anomaly that we might base a case on." "What are you doing here?" "New rider." "Forgot my hat." "Ah..." "Here." "Oh..." "I'm going to the pub." "Cool." "There's a regiment that already takes women and deploys them in similar armoured vehicles." "If you're good enough for one outfit, why not the other?" "I want to serve, Lyle, and I wanna serve in the Blues and Royals." "Even after what happened to Tony?" "BECAUSE of what happened to Tony." "I don't know how you do it, Sidney." "It's like you're a magnet to women." "Don't say much, do she?" "No." "How do you know she likes you?" "With women, it's not what they say, it's what they do." "I think you've filled your boots, mate." "Sorry, I didn't mean that." "If you've got something to say..." "He didn't mean anything by it, Tony." "I don't want no trouble." "Come on." "Come on, we'll get you back, yeah?" "PHONE RINGS" "Hello?" "Come on." "Let's get you home." "I don't wanna go home." "Yes, you do." "I told you." "We're moving." "What?" "You've got a horse!" "How observant of you (!" ")" "I wouldn't have believed that those peepers of yours could still work." "Put us back immediately!" "Can't do that." "Phone the police." "We're being kidnapped." "Yes, Mother." "WHIRRING" "It's 5am!" "And?" "Well, is it absolutely necessary to make guacamole at this hour?" "It's not guacamole!" "It's avocado surprise!" "Can we come to some kind of arrangement?" "BLENDER OFF Yes, we can, actually." "I gather you have a case involving soldiers with tight breeches who ride along the sands." "As a sister and a woman keen to rediscover her sexuality, having given birth, I must insist on an introduction." "That is not the kind of arrangement I had in mind." "BLENDER ON, PHONE RINGS" "Kingdom and King..." "Gloria?" "What...?" "BLENDER ON" "What?" "YELLAND:" "If you just calm down, we'll get this all sorted out." "ALL TALK AT ONCE One at a time." "One at a time!" "Please!" "He kidnapped us." "Unfortunately, it's true." "Dad, I give up!" "Kidnapped?" "Where did he take you?" "From here..." "..to here." " Huh..." " Not exactly crime of the century." "Unfortunately the amount of distance the kidnapping takes place over is not an issue." "They were carried, by force, without their consent." "The question really is whether there was lawful excuse." "Until you can show me your precious lockkeeper man Act of Parliament, we will not back down!" "Neither will I." "So what time are you going to start picking me out the dirt, then?" "I'm covered in bruises from yesterday." "Look." "I've got one in the perfect shape of a horseshoe." "Tony, you have to stop relying on me to bring you home drunk." "You seem quite keen on that young lawyer." "I'm teaching him to ride." "Oh, you got a letter from the regiment." "Well, aren't you going to open it?" "He doesn't seem to acknowledge that I have a life." "Well, he wouldn't." "As you get older, you become more self-centred." "Your family moves away, your friends start dying." "Your whole world shrinks." "He just assumes that everything is completely perfect in my life." "My first priority is Scott, but I can't just abandon my dad." "You mustn't be hard on yourself." "Sometimes...people just don't know how to ask for help." "Hm..." "CHURCH BELL TOLLS" "I'm afraid they haven't increased their offer, and they won't." "Even if we appeal, it's a fixed tariff system." "I'm so sorry." "You did what you could, mate." "I do have a friend in London who's dealing with a number of cases like yours." "It might take some time, but there's a real chance of further action." "This lump-sum compensation doesn't mean you can't sue for negligence." "What for?" "There was no negligence." "I got blown up by a bomb." "Well, for the time being we have to decide what you're going to do." "I don't wanna leave the regiment." "And if they medically discharge you?" "No." "That can't happen." "Well, if you do leave, you would be entitled to tax-free guaranteed income payments for life." "Oh, that's fantastic (!" ")" "Strike up the band, let's hang out the flags." "What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life?" "I can't do anything else!" "I'm a soldier." "I should have died." "Dying would have been easier." "I know it's difficult, and it shouldn't be." "But you have the choice of life." "I promise you we'll do everything we can to make it easier." "But Tony, I have to say,..." "drinking doesn't help." "Maybe not, but it stops the nightmares." "I know what started this." "This is because that nice man took his mother on holiday, isn't it?" "It's because they haven't got a licence." "That's just an excuse." "You wanted to make a point." "It exists." "The Act exists." "You've got to believe me!" "I don't like being on my own, Gloria." "I'm lonely." "What about me?" "All I get is, "Do this." "Do that." "Where's this?" "Where's the other?"" "I was a widow at 46." "I've got a 15-year-old son who misses his dad." "I've just come out of a relationship with a very sweet man who's already seeing another woman." "You should have said." "(TEARFUL) Why?" "What's the point?" "You never ask!" "No, it's not a replacement." "It's a..." "It's..." "I don't know what it is." "They're all the same, aren't they?" "Brilliant, we can get a baby seat in that." "It is not brilliant." "I don't want it." "Yes, you do." "The Alvis was fine if you wanted to get laid, but there are three of us now." "You had sex in my car?" "It's where I conceived." "Front or back?" "Bonnet, mostly." "You told me those dents were where you ran into a pigeon." "It cost me £400 to put those right!" "They were buttock marks, weren't they?" "You can be so spiteful." "You won't introduce me to a single cavalryman with a sword down to his ankles." "Love the car." "Don't be an arse, Lyle." "Have you got a minute?" "My office." "Ah, yes, your spacious cathedral!" "Get in there!" "Kate has received a letter confirming her rejection from the Blues and Royals on the basis of her sex and combat effectiveness." "Well, it's refreshingly honest, I suppose." "They also say she would make a great candidate and recommend she applies to the Royal Horse Artillery." "She refuses." "Wants me to pursue this anomaly and has given me a cheque against future costs." "So what's your dilemma?" "I don't know." "Just... something I can't reconcile." "What if she knew that women weren't allowed in and this is just to get back at the regiment for leaving Tony up the creek?" "It's not the regiment that sets the levels of compensation, it's the Ministry of Defence." "Nevertheless..." "So you think we're being set up?" "I just wish I could make it easier for him." "He's lost a leg and an eye, and been told he's got no future." "Yes..." "No, well, you can't win every battle, Peter." "And I can't bear how lonely he must be." "None of us have the faintest idea what he's been going through." "Oh..." "Follow me." "MAN:" "Afternoon." "Ah..." "This is him." "You'll have to speak up, he's as deaf s a post, aside from not being able to see you." "Oh." "How did he lose his sight?" "Dunkirk." "Er, Mr Hickey?" "(SLOW AND CLEAR) My nephew Peter would like to have a chat with you." "Certainly." "Oh, and, Peter..." "That's for your soldier boy." "I hate automatics, and the colour is ghastly." "Um, Mr Hickey, I understand you were at Dunkirk?" "Lyle!" "Come out from under your tunnel, we're going now." "Where are you going?" "To see the Army." "Two seconds." "No." "No!" "Absolutely not!" "But I need a soldier in my life, Peter." "I want to join in his exercises." "I have desires." "I need them fulfilled." "SUDDEN SILENCE" "Where did you get these keys?" "I don't know." "When did you take my car?" "The car?" "Oh, that..." "Oh, God." "Oh, God, is it still there?" "Where?" "I don't know." "Well, YOU have a baby, see what it does to YOUR brain!" "I knew I'd forgotten something." "Where is my car?" "Near some shops." "Which shops?" "No, no." "How can you not remember?" "(YELLS) Because it's not important!" "It's only a car!" "(FAINT SOUNDS OF MILITARY BAND)" "What's with the tin plate and plumage?" "Well, it's ceremonial, Lyle." "Dates back to the reign of Charles II, I believe." "Not very relevant, though." "What a dull world it would be if everything existed only because it was relevant." "I'm just saying the whole places smacks of the Establishment." "You're only allowed in if you're called Rupert or Toby." "(NORTHERN ACCENT) Lyle, is that you?" "It bloody is, innit?" "Skinner?" "Skinner." "Fancy suit." "Me?" "I'm just a lawyer." "Who's this, your dad?" "No, er, Er, this is my senior partner, Peter Kingdom." "Peter, this is Nobby Skinner." "We were at school." "Nobby." "Delighted, Nobby." "Nice to meet you." "Well, bugger me." "What are you doing here, eh?" "I am aware of Miss Kate Mitchells." "You know she tried to join the Blues and Royals?" "Yes." "I spoke to her personally." "So she already knew the policy?" "She lied on her application form." "We all know Kate, Lyle." "Because she's the girlfriend of Tony Gillespie?" "Girlfriend?" "No, she's not." "But they live together." "Yeah, after he was discharged from hospital." "She was the girlfriend of a troop leader, Captain Davidson." "Was?" "Yes, Lyle." "So she isn't any more?" "No." "Oh, I see." "That makes complete sense." "Ex-girlfriend syndrome." "He packed her in, so this is a way of getting back at him." "Not quite." "Johnny Davidson was killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq." "Tony Gillespie was the only survivor." "One of Johnny's last letters asked her to marry him." "They never got to choose a ring." "So her striving to join the Blues and Royals is really just a way of trying to keep in touch with her boyfriend?" "Poor child." "No wonder she didn't want Tony to know." "I don't think she's come to terms with what happened." "Tony lived, her man died." "Looking after Tony means she doesn't have to think about what happened." "Why didn't the compensation case mention her?" "Captain Davidson's next of kin was named as his parents." "As the girlfriend, Kate didn't get a look in." "Mum." "Mum." "Just step aside." "Step...aside." "Ow!" "Why can't we just ring his daughter?" "We may not have time." "I remember where I parked it!" "Well, what are we waiting for?" "PHONE RINGS" "I think I'm running some sort of charity." "Kingdom and Kingdom." "No." "When?" "Which hospital?" "Why didn't you tell me you've been having blackouts?" "Well, I thought that if... ..people knew, I'd lose my job." "I..." "I didn't know what it was." "I was frightened." "That's why you wanted me to keep coming round?" "Hm." "(SOFTLY) Hey, Gloria." "There's a chance that he's been telling the truth all the time and that this Navigation Act of his actually exists." "Local council offices." "I've spoken to them and there's a large dusty filing cabinet on the third floor." "Mr Snell?" "I really need your help." "Are you sure you wouldn't prefer someone else, Mrs Millington?" "No, Sidney." "You're the man I need." "It was here." "I promise." "Oh, you really are a piece of work, aren't you, Beatrice?" "Well, maybe they'll bring it back..." "Sorry." "That's what you want to hear, isn't it?" "You've got to listen to me when I'm grovelling, for goodness' sake." "I'm sorry." "Well, don't just walk off while I'm shouting at you!" "Aw!" "Mwerr!" "I've missed you!" "Thanks so much, Sidney." "I've got to go." "My pleasure." "What are you doing?" "It's not good for my head being here." "I feel like I'm second best." "I want you to be here." "But I can't replace Johnny." "I lived and he died." "You've got to stop feeling sorry for me." "Oh, my God, I do not feel sorry for you." "I asked you here so it would help you." "Help me?" "You've been using me." "That's not true!" "You needed help and I thought I knew what you'd been through." "Lyle, stay here!" "Oh, don't worry, mate, I'm going." "He's not my boyfriend, Tony." "He is my lawyer!" "He's been trying to get me into the regiment." "What?" "What?" "They'll never let you in!" "How can you even contemplate " "I needed to know what he'd been through." "All I have is memories." "I've decided to join the Royal Horse Artillery." "They take women." "What are you trying to prove?" "Nothing." "Then give me one good reason why." "Give me one good reason why not!" "Here." "The Army was my life, right?" "Just like it was Johnny's life." "We knew the risks." "We knew this might happen." "Our only talents were being soldiers and I loved every damn minute!" "He wouldn't want you chasing his shadow." "He'd want you to give your life to your talent - your horses." "Just like he gave his life to his." "You're gonna do what you want, whatever I say." "What happened to your Alvis?" "Oh, Alvis lives, I'm happy to say." "Tell you what, why don't YOU drive?" "Mr Kingdom, I can't." "Ah, but this, this is a specially adapted automatic." "Literally built for you." "Apart from the colour!" "Yes, my Aunt Auriel won this off Barbara Cartland at a game of poker." "Thought it might come in useful." "Oh, you're not suggesting I live in an old people's home?" "No, no, no." "Looks like you'll be staying with Kate." "I had a word with the Major and he's confirmed that the regiment wants to keep you." "CHEERING AND APPLAUSE" "These people know what it's like to live through a war" "AND live on afterwards." "The world out there has no idea." "APPLAUSE CONTINUES" "I came back to a country that understood." "They'd been through it too." "When the boys come out of hospital today,... it's so different." "You should be proud." "The Market Shipborough Navigation Channel Act 1793." "It actually exists." "Oh, well, pay him the money, dear." "That is...170." "Well, it's a bit of luck that I didn't enforce Section 42 or that would have had you transported to Australia." "LAUGHTER" "Well, now we've paid for a licence, we'd better be going." "Thank you for saving my father's life." "Yes." "It's a good job he didn't let us through." "And if anyone tries to stop you working because of your age," "I'll write and tell them how good you are." "Oh, thanks." "Goodbye." "Safe journey, both of you, eh?" "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "Lovely meeting you." "Bye-bye." "Come on, Grandad." "Let's open the lock." "What?" "Oh, there you are." "You've got those..." "Yeah, good." "Let's go and open this lock." "OK." "Remember, grip with your knees and keep your hands low, right?" "Just seeing if it still fits..." "And don't kick." "Just squeeze." "Um, excuse me, if I'm giving up on the Army, then this is still my establishment and this is my pupil, Corporal." "Um, is this really quite fair on the horse, do we think?" "As a last request, can I please have a bigger office?" "Absolutely not." "Come on." "Squeeze." "Whoa!" "Argh!" "I'm all right, all right." "Oops." "Mr Kingdom, there's something in the wheat." "This is the most important thing that's ever happened to me." "I've been contacted." "Na-noo, na-noo!" "Mr Anderson, you still think you're on the right track?" "Bring it on!" "(SOBS) He's tripping his tits off." "I am so not!"