"Hey, blondie-blond, there are better ways to go blind." "You've been locked up in here with these numbers all day." "Somewhere out there is a happy hour with our name on it." " You go ahead." " We always go for a drink on Friday." " No, we don't, and it's Monday." " It is?" "Talk about a lost weekend." "Wonder if I went home." "Do I still have the same shirt on?" "Hey, wait a minute," "I must have gone home, I shaved." " You really like doing this, don't you?" " Someone has to do it." "No, no, no, you do." "I can tell." "It gives you a feeling of power." "And why not?" "Numbers make the cash flow." "Cash makes the wheels turn, the smoke stack, thighs part." " Addison, my God!" " Isn't that redundant?" "Do you know what this means?" " We're ahead." " You're kidding." "The two of us?" "Together?" "Like Ray Milland and Rosey Grier" "Two thousand and thirty-five dollars and 76 cents in the black." "Does that mean we can save the farm and get Mom the heart operation?" " It's okay if we only save the farm." " We made money!" "The first money we've made." "Money we've made." "That sounds so much nicer than money we've spent or lost." "It sure does." "Why, you are so beautiful when you get fiscal." " Get your hand off my behind." " Is that your behind?" "Is that my hand?" "That's what I like about this place." " You learn something new every day." " Get serious." "I just had my hand on your behind." "If I get any more serious, they'll move us to cable." "Help me think." "We've gotta do something with this money." "Reinvest in the agency make a capital improvement to increase productivity." "I've got it." "Matching crocodile briefcases." ""Briefcasi"?" "Will it be hard to find matching crocodiles?" " Maybe an advertising campaign." " Or a stereo for the company car." "I see it now." "Laser disc, graphic equalizer 300 watts per channel." "I get more productive just thinking about it." " David." " Maddie, I'm half serious." " What else is new?" " I mean it." "You know, there is nothing wrong with enjoying your success." "Rewarding your victories." "That's what sets us apart from the communist nations." "Not large bodies of water and mountain ranges?" "Think about the men who made America great." "The Rockefellers, Kennedys, Ewings." "You think with every gusher they bought drilling equipment?" "Hell, no!" "They gambled, got drunk, ran around women." " What did it get them?" " Poverty." "Greatest motivator in the free world." "But do what you want, put the money in the bank reinvest, let it earn interest, get comfortable stop blazing trails for America and the free world." "Or, you consider my plan and you put Jacuzzis in the executive bathroom." "It's your country." "You do what you want." "Maddie Hayes' office, One desk under God, indivisible" " Give me that." " Big screen TV in reception." " Maddie Hayes." " Clients watch while waiting." " Yes, officer?" " Monday Night Football." " Questioning?" " We'll have new clientele." "Yes, I'll be right there." "Wanna talk about it?" "What am I doing?" "I never ask." "It doesn't look good." "Mysterious fortune turns up, police call." "I'm behind you 100 percent." "Maddie, why did you do it?" "You're shielding somebody." "I guess you gotta play your string to the very end." "Want me to hide the booty?" "Oh, tough guy, eh?" "The worst that can happen is you get the gas chamber." "Better than the chair, they shave your head." "I'm running out of material, tell me what's going on." "I don't know." "The police want me for questioning." " Want me to go with you?" " No." "You wanna think about?" "Listen, I'll probably go home right afterwards." "Any messages, call me." "See you in the morning." " Right, Miss Hayes." " Maddie?" " Yes!" " Executive bonus?" "Just a thought." "Do you know him?" "He knew you." "What exactly did he die of?" "Bullet through the heart." "It appears to be self-inflicted." "We were hoping you could shed some light on that." "Ever seen it before?" "How would I have seen it?" "You never sat here?" "I've never been here." " You know Charles?" " Charles who?" "The title of the painting is Charles' Treasure." "I'm assuming you're the treasure." "Look, lieutenant, I'm sorry, but I've never heard of Phillip Wright." "I've never seen this painting before." "I've never been in this place before." "Don't be sorry." "I'm trying to figure out why an artist who struggled so hard for so long checks out just when things are starting to go his way." "I know that, lieutenant, but people get depressed for a lot of reasons." "No argument." "It's just, when he died, he was painting your portrait." "There he was, pistol in one hand, paintbrush in the other." "He just finished." "The paint was still wet." "He called the gallery to tell them it was complete." "What are you saying?" "I guess I'm saying I wanted to hear that you two knew each other." "That he contacted you, or tried to." "He wrote." "He called." "And even though he was an artist of some repute, you said no." "So he did what he could to impress you." "He painted your portrait." "And when you remained unimpressed he killed himself." "You make all that up or somebody help you?" "I was a Creative Writing major in college." "I admit it, I have an overactive imagination." " You sure you never heard of him?" " I never heard of him." "Another great theory bites the dust." "Still..." " ...it must feel nice." " What?" "Well, he clearly adored you." " There goes that imagination again." " Oh, come on, Miss Hayes." "You don't paint like that unless you adore someone." "It must feel odd." "Finding out that someone you didn't even know was staring at your pictures for days weeks, even months." "He painted your portrait." "The last portrait he would ever paint." "And that by tomorrow morning, it'll be for sale in a gallery probably end up hanging over somebody's bar or in someone's den." "Now, Miss Hayes good night." " It's her!" " Where have you been, young lady?" "It's all right, she just came in." "I've called every state prison." " Sorry I'm late." " You realize how worried we've been?" " She's answering the phone in prose." " Excuse me." "You wanna talk about it?" "It's okay, I'll talk about it." "For what it's worth, you don't look any worse for wear." "Hair is combed, makeup's in place..." "No visible scars or contusions." "Of course, they really only mark the hard-to-see places." "You need anybody to check those hard-to-see places?" "A man I never met killed himself last night." "I know how you feel." "A woman I never met had sex with a basketball team last night." "You're right." "It's not the same thing." "The police took me to his loft downtown." "There were pictures of me everywhere." "Hundreds of them." "Pictures of me modeling." "Pictures of me from the society pages." "Pictures I don't even remember being taken." "My whole career and my whole life was on that man's walls." "It was so odd." "Everywhere he looked, everywhere he turned, he saw me." " No wonder he killed himself." " He was an artist, David." "And not a starving one either." "They showed me this portrait he was painting when he died." "It was a portrait of me." "A portrait of me." "They said he finished the portrait then he shot himself." "Talk about temperamental artist." "You're really upset about this, aren't you?" "Maddie, you didn't even know the man." "What if he cared for me?" "What if he loved me?" "That has nothing to do with you." "That is not your responsibility." " Did he try and contact you?" " No." "Did you reject him in any way?" "How could I reject him?" "He didn't contact me." "Did you laugh when he got naked in front of you?" " Why do I bother?" " Clean as a whistle." " You're guilt-free." " I'm talking about romance with a man who thinks love is what you pay to see in a private booth." "Private booth?" "This is the age of video." "I can think of more romantic gestures than blowing your brains out." "I'm talking about something ethereal." "A love that's unrequited." "I don't care what you call it." "Killing yourself over the homecoming queen is not the act of a sane person." " Is that so?" " Yes, that's so." "Otherwise, every kid would be dead before graduating high school." "Except the one with the best car." "I'm gonna take a walk." "I'm gonna take a drive." "I don't know what I'm gonna do." " Did I say something wrong?" " Ever say anything right?" "One little suicide and there's no talking to you." "My goodness." "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, dogs and cats a boss lady who can balance my budget anytime a woman who proves blonds do have more fun a lady whose bottom-line never sags Miss Madeline I-Can-Make-a-Profit-Anywhere Hayes." "Let me have one!" " What is going on?" " A meeting." " A meeting?" " Yeah, a meeting." "You know." "Wall Street holds them." "Hollywood takes them." "Secretaries make them." "Bosses cancel them." "Like talking to yourself with a gang." "What a meeting it was." "We got an agenda." "We got minutes." "We got coffee." "We got Danish." " What's this all about?" " Glad you asked me that." "Randy?" "The purpose of this session" "It has been an extremely productive one." "Has been to brainstorm." " To what-storm?" " Funny." "Hurtful, but very funny." "Maddie, the question we have been postulating and hypothesizing is:" ""What are we gonna do with all that money?"" "What money?" "What a kidder." "What money?" "You know what money." "Our money." "The profit statement." "The plus column." "The bottom line." " David." " We got Miss DiPesto over here..." " Oh, my." " O'Neal is scouring the classifieds." " He is?" " We got my main potato, Ferguson has agreed to cruise for a garage sale." "Let me have one!" "May I see you in my office for a moment?" "It's okay." "We're her first meeting." " Yes?" " Yes what?" "You asked me to come in here." "Yes, I did." "Yes, I did." "I spent the money." "You spent the money?" "All of it?" "Well, okay." "It's your store, your money." " What'd you get?" " Excuse me?" "What did you get?" "I'm sure whatever it is, it's for the good of the company." "What did you blow it on?" "Stocks?" "Bonds?" "Elvis memorabilia?" "Well, I believe I made a sound and prudent investment." " In what?" " I invested it in art." "Could you turn up the volume?" " Art." " Did you say "art"?" "Art." " Could you be more specific?" " I bought a painting." " A painting?" " A painting I'm sure will increase in value with the years." " I see." "A painting of what?" " A painting of what?" "Of a thing." " Could you be a little more specific?" " A pretty thing." "An animal thing, a vegetable thing or a mineral thing?" " Animal thing." " Little cat, big eyes?" " No." " A boy and his dog?" " What difference does it make?" " A blond and her vanity." "It's my money, Addison." "And I can do anything I want with it." "Let me get this." "One of the world's most-photographed women spends the only money she ever made" " I don't have to talk to you." " On another picture of herself!" " Out of my way." " Maddie, will you just tell me why?" "I don't know why." "All I know is he chose to paint me." "Me, David, not a landscape, not a barn, not a bowl of fruit." " Let's not hold that against him." " He spent weeks, months painting it." "The last moments of his life, finishing it." "I can't let someone else buy it." "Put it in their den or over their bar." "Surely you can understand that." "Well, I don't really care if you can understand it or not." "The point is that the money belongs to the company." "And the company belongs to me." "And I can choose to do anything I want with it." "Or I may choose to do nothing with it." "Or I may choose to flush it down the executive commode." "But whatever I choose, it'll be my choice." "Is that clear?" "Good." "Then this conversation is over." " Not quite." "I have one more question." " What?" "Next windfall, can I stick a statue of myself in the lobby?" "Stick it, Addison!" "Get away from that door!" "I have finished this conversation!" "You asked for it." "Excuse me." "Miss Hayes, this is Charles Wright." " Forgive me for barging in" " Excuse me." "Charles Wright?" " I'm Phillip Wright's brother." " Oh, my goodness." "I'm so sorry." "Won't you come in?" "Please." "I'm so sorry to hear about your brother." "I really don't know why I'm here." "I got home late last night as soon as I got the wire." "I've been out of the country for a while." "I went to the gallery." "They told me about Charlie's Treasure." "I guess you figured out by now that I'm Charlie." "You fight with your brother, he paints a picture for you." "Philly and I hadn't spoken to each other for a long time." "Would you like to see it?" "The painting?" " Is it here?" " Well, no." "It's at my house." "But..." " I want you to see it." " You don't even know me." "Mr. Wright and I will be at my house." "Yes, Miss Hayes." "He was in there for a minute." "How did he do that?" "I haven't hung it yet." "I haven't exactly decided where I want it." "My God, Phillip." "It makes me feel like crying." "You never met him." "You never sat for him." "My God, Phillip." "You've been very kind." " Where are you going?" " Excuse me?" "I feel badly." "I know what you must be going through." "If you'd like some more time with the painting by yourself, feel free." "No, no." "That's okay." "It's not that I don't appreciate the..." "It's harder knowing that I'll probably never see it again." "You fight with somebody." "You say to yourself one day, I'll have to attend to this." "And then, one of these days you find yourself in a hotel room trying to find American baseball scores in Italian newspapers and a cable comes." "Upside is that it's one last thing to attend to." "Downside is that..." "There's a lot of downside." " I thought your voice was lower." " Excuse me?" "In those commercials you never spoke." "So I gave you my own voice." "And it was lower." "Huskier." "You also were not this nice." "You gave a lot of thought to those commercials." "It wasn't the commercials." "It was you." "And I wasn't the only one." "I remember when I was 20, Philly was 19 we decided to do the starving-student thing in Europe with hostels, French bread, the backpacks." "And I remember one night we were in Paris" "Cold as hell." "And we'd been together for six weeks so the hate level was very high." "And, I mean, it was Paris." "You don't wanna be in Paris with your brother, you wanna be with..." "Anyway, it's cold as hell." "And everywhere you look are these rich Parisian couples in their thick, beautiful warm coats and they're hugging and holding each other." "And there we were." "Two guys, in the City of Lights, alone." "Walked back to the hotel." "A more depressing hotel you can't imagine." "Walked across the lobby, passed a newsstand." "And there you were." "On the cover of I don't know which magazine." "And Philly just looked at you." "And he turned to me and he said:" ""Home."" "I just looked at him and I said, "Yeah."" "Charles, I want you to have it." " What?" " I want you to have it." "I want you to have it." "I think maybe he painted it for you." "Wait a second." "I don't know you." "You paid good money" "You're right, I own it." "But it doesn't belong to me." "Please." "Hello." "Miss Hayes?" "Sorry to wake you in the middle of the night." "But we have a little situation here." "Can you come down and give us a hand?" "Lieutenant, its 2:00 in the morning." "I know that, Miss Hayes." "But I really think you'll wanna see this." " Honestly, I've told you all I know." " He just showed up at your office wanted to see the picture and you showed it to him." " A man you never met before." " He said he'd been out of the country." "He just heard about the suicide." "He wanted to see his last work." "And you just gave it to him." " The man was grieving." " The man was lying." "Charles Wright is an international art thief." "He wasn't overseas, he was up the river." "He'd been released from prison just hours before he came to see you." "Let's hold it right there." "My client isn't answering your questions." " You just can't burst in here like that." " Tell that to the writers." " How would you like me to burst in?" " Is he your attorney?" " You don't have to answer." " Yes." "No." "How can I help you if you won't take advice?" " Who is this man?" " My name's Addison, David Addison." " But you can call me Mr. Addison." " He's my business associate." "You told me I had one call." "This is who I called." "Would you like another one?" "Excuse me, it's 2:30 in the morning and I'd like to know why my colleague is being held and why it isn't by me." "Charles Wright was found dead this evening." "The wounds appear to be self-inflicted, but in light of the circum" "Are you saying he killed himself?" "He wasn't perusing a certain portrait at the time, was he?" "Must be one hell of a picture." "Did he pull a gun in your living room?" "He was found dead in his brother's loft." "You lost me." "How did he get there?" " Don't know." " And the painting?" " I gave it to him." " You what?" " I gave it to him." " You gave it?" " I gave it to him." " For?" " For free." " For free?" "It's a $2000 painting" "My $2000, my painting." "To do with as I wish." "I wished to give it to him." "How could I not give it to him?" "It's Charlie's Treasure." "And he's Charlie." "Don't you see?" "I didn't have any choice." "You should have seen the pain on his face." "Look, I don't know why those two men killed themselves." "I don't know why Charles took the painting back to the loft." "But I will tell you what I do know." "That man loved his brother and his brother loved that painting and that's why I gave it to him." "He loved it so much he removed some paint to see what was underneath." " He did what?" " Sorry." "We're dealing with more than one brother painting a painting for another." "Yes, well..." "I'd like to go home now, David." "Of course, and you can have this back." "Thank you." "Just one more thing, Miss Hayes." "Two men have died over that painting." "One, a convicted criminal." "And until the coroner verifies these suicides this case is still very much open." "I'm gonna ask you not to leave town." "Ever occur to you that the reason this town is crawling with so many crooks is because you never let them leave town?" "That's it." "I've said my piece." " I'm sorry." " There's nothing to be sorry about." " Okay." " Just because his brother wasn't what he seemed to be..." " He's a thief." " ...doesn't mean anything's changed." "I know in my heart why Phillip Wright painted that portrait of me." "When I think of him standing there, painting, finishing the portrait consumed with sadness, picking up the gun pulling the trigger..." "You love this, don't you?" "Maddie, admit it." "You think this is great." "I do not think this is great." "In fact, I find this terribly sad." "And just a little romantic, of course." "What are you talking about?" "Come on, admit it." "Wouldn't you be just a tad disappointed if you knew he didn't kill himself because of you?" "He shot himself because he couldn't pay a gas bill." "I wouldn't be disappointed." "And that's not what happened." "Phillip Wright died for me." "Yeah." "Right." " Unlucky stiff." " What is that supposed to mean?" "Oh, nothing." "Just thinking about us poor slobs who live for you." "Now I know how a Jehovah Witness feels." ""Thanks for walking me home, Mr. Addison."" " I have nothing more to say to you." " Yeah, I know." "For weeks now." " When I do, I'll holler." " I'll be waiting." " David!" " That was fast." "Oh, my goodness." "The Helen Keller look." " I like it." " Who could have done this?" "Where's The Duchess?" "You didn't say you lived with anybody." " Where's The Duchess?" " Won't you introduce me?" "I've gone through every room in this house." "I want The Duchess." "And I want her now." " I don't know who the duchess is." " Not who." "What." "The painting." "The Duchess." "I know it's here." "The only painting I know about is this one, Charlie's Treasure." "And you're welcome to it." " Please." " Don't be offended." "What's he know?" "I was curator of the National Gallery Français for seven years." "Big deal." "Your uncle probably got you the job." "Enough jokes." "I want that painting." "Now." " Where did Phillip tell you it was?" " Phillip?" "I never met Phillip." "I heard of him when he killed himself." "But he must have told you." " You're Charlie's Treasure." " No." " I'm all confused." " It's a big club." "In the first place, what is The Duchess?" "It's a very famous, very valuable painting." "Seventeenth century." "Worth three-quarters, maybe a million dollars." "Three years ago a Mr. Charles Wright called me." "He spends a lot of time in Paris." "We have mutual friends." ""Can we get together?"" "We do, and voilà." "A great friendship is born." "One night, we're high, feeling good." "He says to me, "Let's get The Duchess."" "I had no idea what he meant." ""Steal it," he says." "Charles had done this before." "But me?" "I'm a natural-born coward." "But I'm curator and he needs me to get in and out of the museum." "But he tells me he wants to include his brother." "An artist, nobody knows him." "Now I start to get a little nervous." "So I tell them if it's to be you two and me then I've got to hold the painting until it cools." " Cools?" " Yeah." "You can't just turn around and sell a hot painting." "While the whole world is looking for it?" "No." "You have to give it time to cool." "So. "Fine," they said." ""You hold the painting." "Go to Amsterdam, sit with it." "When the time is right, sell it and we'll split the profits."" "Now it's three years later." "A long three years." "I'm in Amsterdam Phillip's artistic career has begun to happen and Charles is arrested for trying to sell an unauthentic Ming vase to a museum in Indiana." "Anyway I managed to strike a deal for The Duchess with a man from Kuwait." "The deal is closed." "He gives me the money, I give him the painting." "And then we both discover that it's a forgery." "Painted by" " Phillip!" " Yeah." "You rush back to America, kill him." "I rush back but I didn't kill anybody." "Phillip was already dead when I found him." " What about his brother?" " Due out of prison the next day." "But I don't think he knew any more than I did." "Phillip knew where the painting was." "He also obviously knew someone was after him." "Now my guess is that he left a note for his brother that only his brother could understand." "I'm convinced that Charlie's Treasure is that note." " What does it mean?" " The portrait is of you." "You tell me." " I don't know, I swear." " You must!" " I don't!" "I don't know" " Where is it?" " David?" " I'm no good at this!" " I cheat at connect-the-dots." " I swear to you I don't have a clue." " Did you check in that dresser?" " Dresser?" "That dresser" " You mean that dresser actually exists?" "Yes, in the loft." "I bet I know where we're going." " Upstairs." " Say the magic word." " Move or I'll kill you." " There you go." "Dead guy had hiccups?" "Hey, I know her." " Any idea what he's looking for?" " A clue." " Give me one." " One what?" " A clue what he's looking for." " A clue." " I'm waiting." " For what?" " To find out what he's looking for." " He's looking for a clue." " A clue, a clue, a clue." " Gesundheit." "I found it!" "It's a bill of lading." "For canvas storage." " What riveting news!" " No, no, no, this is great." "Phillip left this bill of lading in the dressing table and then did the painting to make sure that his brother would look for it there and find it." "The bill of lading is the address where the original is stored." "This all makes sense." "Charlie's Treasure is a map to The White Duchess." "So, what happens now?" "I pick up my painting and fly to Amsterdam as quickly as I can." " No, I mean to us?" " Oh, take heart, friends." "I meant what I said." "I am not a killer." "That doesn't mean that I can't start now, though." "If you'll do the honors?" "Nice and tight." "There." "Let's see you in that pose that made you famous." "I'm sure somebody will come along and untie you." "Someday." "Somehow." "Adieu." "Adieu." "I feel so stupid." "Gee, you look so soft and supple." "It wasn't my portrait they were after." "It wasn't my picture they lied for, that they died for." "Yeah, that must come as a major disappointment." "Stupid painting." "Harry was right." "It's nothing but a" " David?" " You rang?" "David, how close am I to the pose in the picture?" "Not withstanding the bondage angle which, to my taste, adds to the pose's artistic allure I'd say you is right on the money, honey." "Why?" "Because I think I know where The White Duchess is." "It just so happens that I have a little leisure time on my hands right now." "You wanna tell your old buddy Dave about it?" "There's a reflection in the mirror." "A sign." "It says "Painting" with an arrow." "I think it's pointing to where Charlie's treasure is hidden." " Well, say something." " You slither great!" "Don't take this the wrong way." "It's just an honest question and is not meant to inhibit you but what are you doing and should it hurt?" "I'm untying you." "Look at that!" "Just where I left them." " Now untie me." " Certainly." "Come here." "I'll show you." "Bring the chair." " Sit down." " I love it when you take control." " A little more to the right." " Oh, that's good for me too." "Slump down." "You're taller than me." "Now what do you see?" "What the-?" "ROTH'S AUTO PAINTING" " Well, I'll be damned." " I'll cover that bet." "PAINTING" "Well, we're in the middle of a parking lot." "But where could it be?" "I don't know." "Where's the arrow point?" "Could be." "Who knows?" "You wanna wrap this up, Tony?" "We're in Shark territory." "David!" " Where did you learn to do that?" " Ever see Feets of Fury?" " Feets of Fury?" " Sure, sequel to Fingers of Fury." "Prequel to Falsies of Fury, which I found a little artificial." "Oh, really?" "See if there's anything." "Oh, there is!" " Get out of the way." "Got it?" " Look!" "It's The Duchess!" "I can't believe we found it!" "Me either." "You two have done a great job of legwork on this case." "Too bad nobody's gonna know about it." "What the hell are you doing out here?" "It's the middle of the night!" " Maddie!" " David!" "Run!" "Hey!" "Hey, lady!" "Can't come in here!" "Hey, lady, you can't take that." "I didn't know they had squid in this neighborhood." " Maddie!" " David!" "Hey, hold it, hold it!" "Come on, man!" " Hold it!" " Can't shoot that in here!" "Will you tell me why is it I'm always the one to get messed up?" " Thank you." " Come on, man." "You're gonna get me in a lot of" "Hey, man, you can't do that!" "Hey, that's nice!" "Wait a minute!" "You can't drive this, you can't see anything." "Thank you." "Can't be going in that car, man." "Well." " I guess that's that." " I guess that's that." "Tell me one more time about the poor slobs that live for me." "Keep wearing that much makeup, they'll lose interest."