"[ Indistinct shouting ]" "In less than ten minutes," "Mayor Franciscas will start up the San Diego C.E.R.N. particle accelerator." "This machine pre-speeds up atomic particles before shipping them off to Switzerland's Hadron Collider." "As you can see, opinions on this device are mixed." "Of course we should be afraid of this thing." "We don't know what it's capable of." "I looked some stuff up on the Internet, and I don't really know much about anything, but from what I understand, th..." "This could cause black holes." "It could cause rifts in time and space." "Anything could go wrong." "Uh, from what I understand, the N.T.S.F., who's supposed to be protecting San Diego from terrorists, is up there protecting this facility." "I got news for them." "Uh, there's one terrorist they cannot protect science from," " and that's the original terrorist:" "God." " Back to you, Eileen." "We've received reports of a security breach in the mainframe computer." "We suspect it's a prelude to a terrorist attack on the accelerator." "Fresh eyes, people -- Fresh eyes!" "C.E.R.N. spins up in two minutes." "Initializing reactor protocol." "See my fiance on TV?" " Who, Tucker?" " Yeah." " He's protesting against science." " Oh, yeah?" "I'm really proud of him." " What's this?" " That's the nucleus of the reactor." "It's where the magic happens." "Then that's where the terrorists are gonna strike," " so I'm going in." " Trent, no." "Your cells would be torn apart on an atomic level." "Trent, that's madness." "You guys can sit and talk." " I'm going in." "Out of my way!" " Trent, no!" " Three... two... one..." " This wasn't such a good idea." "[ Warbling ]" "Aah!" " What the?" " What the?" "[ Both screaming ]" "Oh, my God." "That guy's not wearing any pants." " It's okay." "I'm N.T.S.F." " N.T.S.F.?" "He's a terrorist!" "He's a naked terrorist!" "I'm not a terrorist." "Uh, I'm just -- What is this place?" "Ooh, boy." "Diego!" "Diego!" "[ Indistinct shouting ]" "[ Explosion ]" "Trent, what are you doing?" "!" "[ Explosion ]" " We got to go!" " No." "No!" "[ Tires screech ]" "Did you get the pass codes?" "!" " Trent, did you get the pass codes?" " What pass codes?" "Base, this is the San Diego Chicken." "We're heading back to the roost." "Good thing I always carry another pair." "Where's our S.U.V.?" "You really screwed the pooch today, bucko." "We needed those security codes, jerk." "And guess what you did -- You took your pants off." " Mr. President, I assure you " " Oh, shut it." "Just shut your stupid mouth." "Okay, listen -- Come hell or high water, we're blowing up that San Diego particle accelerator." "[ Imitates explosion ]" "[ Laughing ]" "Who's the best?" "Chico, who's the best?" "He's not talking to me." "Whatever." "You really blew it today, Trent." "So, N.T.S.F. causes terrorism?" "This is no time for jokes." "Don't screw up again, Trent." "Watch yourself, punk." "Got it?" "Got it?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "Do you hear me?" "Huh?" " What are you doing?" " Yeah, you heard that." "I'll be a horse's ass." "This is one different universe." "Hey, S.A.M." "[ Cockney accent ] Good afternoon, Agent Hauser." "How may I help you bring about revolution today?" "I need to ask you a couple of questions." "Of course." "Hypothetically, could you use the nuclear chamber in a particle accelerator to be a portal to an alternate universe?" "Everyone knows there are an infinite number of parallel universes." "Why are you asking me this?" "Wait " " You're an inter-dimensional imposter, aren't ya?" "Security bre..." "[ Warbles ]" "[ Beeps, warbles ]" "Good afternoon, Agent Hauser." "If I was an inter-dimensional Trent Hauser imposter, could I use the San Diego C.E.R.N. to travel back to my own universe?" "Yeah, sure, but we're about to blow it up." "Wait." "Memory erase." "[ Warbles ]" "Hey, uh, why'd you just erase Sam's memory?" "Uh, sometimes I use S.A.M. to masturbate me." "Me too." "Gentlemen, because of Trent's screw-up this morning, we no longer have the pass codes to the reactor." "Trent, I want you to take Alphonse and kidnap the lead C.E.R.N. scientist tomorrow." "Do you think you can handle that and still keep your little pants on?" " My pants are " " Do not talk back to me, mister." "Now let's go." "We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow." "[ Gun cocks ]" "Go!" "All right, here we are." "I'll see you tomorrow." "[ She laughs ] Oh, you." "Just because we argue at work doesn't mean we're not man and wife." "I love you." "[ Smooches ]" " I love you, too." " Happy anniversary." "[ He chuckles ]" "What is this?" "Your favorite." "It's a deco disk engraved with all our secret memories." "It took me six years to make it." "Thank you." "Um, I have something for you, as well." "Uh..." "[ She gasps ]" "Oh." "What is this?" "Some kind of novelty joke money?" "Whose picture is this?" "Where's Ronald Reagan?" " This is " " You forgot our anniversary." "You're in the dog house now, mister." "[ Car door slams ]" "I've got to get out of this place." "Now, keep your eyes open for their chief scientist, the head of the particle accelerator." "Wait a second." "This is Piper's fiance, Tucker." "Piper's fiance, Tucker?" "Piper doesn't go for dudes!" " Look." "There he is." " Look?" "You know I'm blind." " But you drove here." " Now!" "[ Gun cocks ]" "Who are you ruffians?" "!" "Where am I going?" "!" "Where are you taking me?" "!" "Help me!" "Alt." "Piper:" "We want the pass codes to the particle accelerator." "Alt." "Sam:" "We can do this the easy way or the hard way." "Do... your... worst." "[ Screaming ]" "What are they doing?" "Torturing." "What do you think?" "You asked for it!" "This reality's a pussy." "[ Screaming continues ]" "What are you doing?" "That powers the mini fridge." "What possible other use could it have?" "Maybe recharging his memory?" "I'll never give you those pass codes." " Really?" " Never!" "[ Electricity crackles ]" "[ Screams ] 543291. 543291!" "Anything else you want to know?" "I didn't know you had it in you." "I'm beginning to see you in a whole new light." "Alt." "Piper:" "What's my high-school locker combination?" "[ Screaming ]" "Batting next, Michael Earle." "Alt." "Jessie:" "Everybody..." " Everybody, I'm getting married." " You?" "To who?" "Only to the coolest guy in San Diego." " But you're nerds." " Mm-hmm." "She finally made an honest terrorist out of me." "[ She laughs ]" "I figured after years of meaningless, mindblowing sex, it was time to settle down." "Mm-hmm." "These scientist robes we stole will get you into C.E.R.N." "Once inside, you'll use the pass codes to disable the security system." "Then we'll plant explosive devices, and it'll be arrivederci, science." " Alt." "Alphonse:" "Let's go!" " Alt." "Piper:" "Let's go, let's go, let's go!" " Alt." "Alphonse:" "Come on!" " Alt." "Piper:" "Move, people!" " Go." "Go." " Alt." "Alphonse:" "Let's go!" "[ Bomb beeps ]" "Alt." "Alphonse:" "We've got to get out of here!" " Trent, let's go." " Be right there." "Alt." "Piper:" "Come on, people, move!" "[ Bomb beeping ]" "[ Beeping intensifies ]" "Alt." "Kove:" "Stop right there." "You look like the Trent I love, but you're not him." "If you want your Trent back, then you've got to let me go." "That's just it." "I think I like the new Trent better." "If I stay with you, I'll be trapped forever." "And I wager you won't pull that trigger." "You're right, as always." "Yeah." "Obviously." "Uh, later." "You!" "You!" "Aaaah!" "Godspeed, you handsome son of a bitch." "Trent:" "Here we go again!" "[ Screaming ]" "[ Laughs ]" "My pants." "I'm home." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Both laugh ]" "Oh, my God." "What is this place?" "What the hell happened to your face?" " Where's your mustache?" " He has no mustache." " He's a shaven." " No!" "No!" "Clean-shaven!" "Clean-shaven!" "Clean-shaven!" "God help me!" "Noooo!" "I don't want to..." "[ Screams ]"