"Congratulations." "What are you doing here?" "You little hound dog." "What are you doing here?" "Did you sleep in here?" "Did you see something?" "I found other accommodations." "Did you guys..." "Hey." "Hey, lloyd." "Good morning." "Hey." "Hey, stevie." "Morning." "Morning." "I should, uh..." "I got an early class." "Cool." "I should probably go to it." "Go learn." "Ok." "Uh, uh..." "Will milady be needing an escort to class?" "That's so sweet." "That would be great, baby." "I'll see you then, baby." "Bye." "Did you see that?" "I just got to call her "baby"" "to her face this time." "Hmm." "Are you hungry for breakfast yet?" "Oh." "Yeah, I'm hungry, but not for breakfast, though." "Ho ho!" "Wow." "So, uh, you want seconds, though?" "There's plenty of ron left." "Yeah, I got..." "yeah?" "Want do you want?" "I got ron links..." "Yeah." "That sounds good." "Those are good." "There's ronffles, which is like a waffle, kind of." "Kind of." "I'm right here!" "I exist." "Please stop talking like that." "Hey, marshall, why don't you just go back to pretending like you're asleep like you did last night?" "Yeah, did you enjoy the show?" "Do you have any questions or comments or anything like that?" "Oh, I know." "Why don't I go to marshall's bed for some sloppy seconds?" "I gotta go, ronnie." "Bye." "I'll see you soon." "Mmm." "Oh..." "See ya." "There's a stain above where I sleep, and I can't tell whether it came down from above or flew up from down here." "Oh, man." "Isn't life just great?" "I've seen things no man should see." "Well, it was better than the first time." "Oh, he is totally making progress." "Well, maybe you guys should get a book on it." "Yeah, um, are you sure this isn't just a rebound thing?" "It's not a rebound thing." "Yeah, because after a rough breakup," "I always end up dating a really nice guy, and then I really hurt him." "I'm not gonna hurt him." "That's what I always say, and then I always do." "Don't hurt steven." "He's just a little boy." "Well, I don't want to hurt him." "Well, then don't." "I mean, why are you always in such a rush to have a boyfriend?" "I am not in a rush." "I'm just used to having one." "That's lame!" "You should just be independent." "Just have fun." "We're going to this new bar tonight." "You should totally come." "I was kind of gonna hang out with steven tonight." "Man, this is so awesome." "The sheets are all messed up like in basic instinct." "It's gratifying to see you so happy, steve." "Hey, thanks." "You're gonna be miserable soon." "Why?" "That..." "that's not nice." "I know, man." "It's not my fault." "But if you keep on acting like a little bitch around her, she's gonna have the power position for the whole relationship." "Before you know it, you're gonna be following her around banana republic carrying her purse." "Like, you mean, like one of those guys that sit there and tell her what's cute?" "Yeah, well, keep laughing, steve, but you know, she had the power position in her last relationship and look what happened." "Well..." "What am I supposed to do?" "I don't know how to be in the power position or whatever it's called." "I have never even had a girlfriend." "That's not true." "Don't ever say that to her." "What about carmen?" "Oh, electra?" "That's not a girlfriend." "It's a poster." "No." "Carmen..." "Carmen." "Carmen smithly..." "your first girlfriend." "The one that moved to maryland to take care of her sick brother." "What?" "Carmen smithly?" "Yeah!" "Carmen smithly." "You were always in control with carmen." "So the thing about carmen was that, you know, she just didn't know what she wanted in life." "And so, as a result of that, she became obsessed with me." "And then there was that whole thing with her brother." "I just can't believe you never told me about her before." "I didn't?" "Mm-mmm." "That's strange." "I thought I did." "No." "What?" "Uh, I think..." "yeah, so I'll probably see you later, ok, then?" "But we're only halfway to my class." "That's a pretty girl." "Oh, yeah, I know." "I know, I know." "Uh, but you know, I'm really hungry and, you know, I'm gonna go eat." "Well, meet me after class?" "I mean..." "If I'm around." "Oh." "Ok." "Bye." "How can I be the only one of us not getting any girls?" "Huh, what is that, all right?" "Lloyd, ok." "He's a beautiful man." "I understand that." "But like, I mean, you?" "What is that?" "I'm better looking than you, ron." "What?" "Ok, yeah, ok." "Why don't you sleep for, like, a year and shave that dirt off your face?" "Then I'll take a look at you." "Dude, come on, man." "That's not cool." "Do you know... hey, you know, you should be more proactive, anyway." "If I were you, I'd be using lloyd." "I'd get his, uh, his overflow." "His overflow?" "Yeah, you know?" "You know, like when we go out and we, like, we hit on a hot chick and then she turns us down and then we try to, like, grab her, like, uglier friends, you know?" "Well, we're, like, his uglier friends and he's, like, the hot chick." "They'll settle for us." "Dude, I..." "I'm ok with being settled for." "Yeah!" "He could be your ally." "You gotta get him to let you use his airspace." "Yeah." "Ok." "That's a good idea, all right?" "But don't crotch block me this time, ok?" "What?" "I would..." "I..." "I wouldn't do that." "What?" "Man, I was talking with a girl one time and you came up and you said, "hey, marshall, you got boogers hanging out of your nose." What is that?" "Oh." "Ok." "First off, you did, booger man, ok?" "I wasn't crotch blocking you," "I was helping your ass." "If that's you helping me, I don't want your help, ok?" "Steven?" "Oh, hey." "You didn't have to meet me after class." "Oh, no." "I'm not meeting you." "I have a class to get to." "It's kind of close to here." "Oh." "Yeah." "It's so important." "Uh, french." "Ok." "I have to go now." "Maintenant." "I really can't be late." "He's so whipped." "Man, I wish I was whipped, you know?" "This stuff darkens your stool." "Hey, guys." "Well, I'm not great at math, but I hope I helped." "Afternoon, gentlemen." "What?" "You know, sure, I missed my class, but why not?" "I think it was kind of worth it." "What are you doing?" "I mean, look at you." "You're completely pathetic." "You're 2 steps away from ironing her blouses." "Come out with us tonight." "Why?" "Because your relationship is in tatters and this far from being over." "Ah!" "But we just had sex." "You're blowing it, man!" "Trust me, I know." "And you are blowing it!" "But she was naked, naked in my bed." "And she's gonna be naked with someone else very soon because a relationship can't succeed with 2 women!" "It needs a man!" "All right, you're right." "I do kind of kiss her ass." "Hey, stevie." "Howdy, lizzie." "Rachel." "So what are we doing tonight?" "Uh, I think that, like, um, well, we just got really psyched about partying, and I think lloyd knows this party that I think me and the dudes were gonna head over to." "That sound like fun." "What time?" "Oh, um, actually," "I think it's kind of like a... a guys' night out, you know, thing kind of." "Oh." "Ok, cool." "Um, make sure marshall doesn't puke too much." "Heh heh." "All I can do is try, you know." "Have fun." "Oh, thanks." "You, too." "What the hell was that?" "I don't know." "Well, maybe carmen would put up with that crap, but not me." "So does this mean you're coming with us?" "Yeah." "And I'm gonna wear my water bra." "Lloyd, you know..." "you know how girls like you?" "Yeah." "Um, I was wondering if you get a lot of them tonight if it's cool if I take your overflow?" "Marshall," "I bequeath you my overflow." "Yes!" "Whoo!" "Let's do this!" "Hold the lift!" "Hey..." "Hi." "Hi." "So, hey, w-where are you... where are you guys off to tonight?" "A bar." "Oh." "It's ladies' night." "So have fun at your party." "Oh, uh, you know," "I'm sure it'll be pretty lame." "If it doesn't kick ass, which I mean, it obviously will, you know." "Hey, man!" "I think she's coming!" "Ok." "All right." "So how do we do this?" "Do we, like, start, uh, picking girls right away or do we, like, look at all of 'em and then pick 'em or... how do you... hey." "Hi." "Hey." "I'm susan." "I'm tara." "Hey." "You want to see where the drinks are?" "Yeah." "That would be nice." "Hi, I'm marshall." "The punch is awesome." "That's marshall." "Come on." "They're right over here." "Hey, I'd love some punch, too, right?" "Show me the punch." "Man, this is so awesome..." "Hangin' with the dudes, hitting on chicks and stuff." "Yeah, all right." "Dudes and chicks, man." "That... that's the thing..." "Ronnie?" "Kelly!" "Ha ha!" "You made it!" "I'm so happy you're here." "I thought this was gonna suck." "Oh, well, I know you can't have fun without me." "It's true." "I'm kind of starving." "Oh, you're still hungry, huh?" "Shut up." "Hey..." "I thought this was guys' night out and forget about the girls and all that stuff." "Oh, yeah, that's lloyd's thing, man." "She's so much hotter than me, I'm, like, hanging on for dear life over here." "Hey!" "I'll help you, honey." "Ok, just do it!" "But don't bite me." "That was so great!" "I don't know." "It feels weird." "I've got his spit all over my stomach." "Maybe we should just go home." "No." "I'm never going home." "That's why it's so great that we don't have boyfriends, because we don't have to go home." "This is so fun." "Where's tina?" "She just went to the bathroom." "Sweet lord, girl, you are sexy." "Do you think so?" "Girl, is god good?" "You got back, too." "That's a badonkadonk." "I like that." "I mean, I like the front of your badonkadonk, too." "So don't think it's just the back." "I'm right to be mad at steven, aren't I?" "I mean, shouldn't I be a little mad?" "Yes!" "Damn right you should be mad." "Now we're gonna take that rage and use it to rage." "Are you with me?" "I guess so." "Come on, guys!" "I got an innie ready to go." "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "You don't actually have to be good at basketball where I'm from, but..." "Put me on the cricket field and I'll show you who's the batsman." "Ha ha ha ha!" "Yeah, I played cricket once." "Boy, is that game crazy." "You know, I haven't been in this country very long, but marshall has gotta be the coolest guy in america." "Come on, lloyd." "You're making me blush." "Stop it, man." "Come on." "Let's switch." "Ok." "All right." "Excuse me." "Pardon me." "Excuse me." "Pardon me." "Comfortable couch." "Look out." "Heh heh." "Thanks for keeping it warm." "Heh heh." "Warm." "Heh heh." "I'm a hot potato." "No, she's definitely cute, man." "Oh, thanks." "Thank you." "I think she's looking at me." "She's either looking at you or that guy." "No." "No, it's you." "Yeah." "I think I have a girlfriend." "I have no idea." "No, you guys haven't made it official yet." "You're totally cool." "Yeah." "It's like me and kelly, right?" "Like, we know that it's official." "No, we don't." "I mean, I don't know what to do." "This never happened to me before." "You should just talk to her." "Ooh." "She's coming over." "No, wait." "Don't, uh..." "Don't..." "Hey." "Hey." "How's it going?" "Good." "I'm jane." "I'm steven." "Nice to meet you." "Are you having fun?" "Oh, god, um, yes." "Did you... did you try the punch?" "It's clear." "Really?" "How can it be clear?" "I don't know." "I mean, it doesn't come like that in a juice box." "Do you want to do something crazy like get a soda?" "Oh, yes." "I would love to." "Come on." "Ok." "Cool." "What are you doing, man?" "Dude, there's no overflow." "There's just flow." "And it's all going straight back to lloyd." "Marshall, what can I do, ok?" "I tried." "I can't put their tongues into your mouth." "At least try, ok?" "Come on." "Excuse me, um, hi." "Hi." "I'm gay, but my straight friend marshall thinks you're beautiful and would like to talk to you." "Ok." "Hi, I'm marshall." "Hi." "Taj." "Oh." "Taj." "Like... like the hall." "The hall!" "I was..." "we said that at the same time." "Marshall." "Marshall." "Ronnie told me about how you have these, like, enormous boogers up in your nose." "Can I see them?" "What are you talking about?" "Come on!" "Show 'em to me." "Hey, kelly, this is taj." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm, like, messing this up for you, right?" "I'm so sorry, man." "Hey!" "What are you doing?" "How do you drink that?" "Whew." "Gotta chase it with this." "Ahh!" "Do you think you've had enough?" "Nope." "I have a very high tolerance." "Mmm..." "In your dreams." "# I can wine and wine and wine #" "# I got # # good, good... # can I have a slippery nipple, please?" "Can I have a green areola?" "Can I get a rob reiner?" "# All you gotta do is yo-ho # # come on #" "# I will # # boogie your woogie # # till the cows come home # whoo!" "Come on." "Who's next?" "Good!" "More for me!" "# Gonna blow up like a rocket # # boogie child #" "So then the priest says," ""I believe in god." "I didn't say I was straight."" "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha." "Oh, god." "Big ups, guy." "Dude, get out of here." "Why?" "Because." "Lloyd's about to pick a girl, then the others are gonna disperse, and then I'm gonna get the slowest and the weakest one." "Now go." "He's about to pick one, ok?" "Ok." "All right." "Um..." "Would you like to go somewhere and talk?" "I love talking." "Yeah." "Great." "Talking." "Yeah." "So, uh, what's your major?" "Psychology." "Oh." "I like to go into people's minds." "God." "Stay out." "Don't worry." "I love your lips." "They're really big." "So, what's your major?" "Music." "Are you ser..." "I'm a music major, too." "Really?" "Yeah." "For real." "What do you play?" "Everything." "I... hey, marshall." "What are you doing here?" "Um, the next time you use the bathroom, you might want to flush." "Hey, ron?" "Man, are you ok?" "That didn't look so healthy, you know?" "Bye." "Uh..." "Don't be a jerk, man, ok?" "I could be hooking up with all kinds of ladies tonight." "All right?" "I mean, if it wasn't for you guys and you know it." "If it wasn't for us?" "Yeah!" "So we messed up your teeth, right?" "That was us." "Dude, just go talk to her, ok?" "Please." "Thank you." "Fine." "Ok." "Steppin' up." "Hey, sweetie, uh... hey." "Hey, remember when I told you it was ok to, like, crotch block marshall?" "Yeah." "Yeah, uh, could you sort of, uh, not, uh, do that anymore?" "Yeah." "Ok." "Oh." "Ah." "Great." "That's awesome." "I'm sorry, though." "I mean, you can still do it if you want to." "I mean, I don't need a boyfriend now." "I could get one anytime I want." "Rachel's right." "I should be free." "Now you're talking." "Until you can be alone, you can't be with anybody else." "Ain't that right, baby?" "That's right, sugar." "Yeah." "I mean, you know, we're freshmen." "Now's the time when we're supposed to be having fun." "God, rachel couldn't be more right." "I just want to party with her right now." "Who wants to party?" "!" "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "U.N.E.C. Rocks!" "Whoo!" "There they go." "Who let the dogs out?" "Lizzie, get up here!" "This is awesome!" "No." "Lizzie, get up here!" "No!" "Wow." "Hey, lloyd." "Sorry." "Lloyd." "Hey..." "Excuse me." "That's ok." "Ok, listen." "I've, uh, been talking to this girl and she's really attractive and smart and I never thought a girl like that would ever talk to me." "I just figured lizzie was some kind of weird fluke." "Well, apparently she wasn't." "You should go make a move." "Right." "I... but should I really?" "I mean, what about lizzie?" "Of course you should." "What if this is the perfect girl, not lizzie?" "Whoa!" "Oh, my... right." "I mean, what if she's the one?" "They could all be the one, and you don't know until you sleep with them... all of them." "Right." "Right." "Thank you so much." "All right." "Hey, hey, hey." "You want to see something sick?" "You know how we stopped crotch blocking marshall?" "Now him and some chick are sucking face over there." "Oh, my god!" "Yeah." "Oh, god." "Oh, no, I..." "I made a mistake." "I..." "I want a girlfriend." "I think I want a girlfriend." "Ok." "Ew." "Ugh..." "Uhh..." "# Riot in the streets # # the touch beneath the sheets # # it's only gonna make you love me more #" "# this old world, well # # it was mine to take # # faith can keep you warm # # but I'll teach you how to shake # # and I'll come to you # # like a little girl #" "# it's only gonna make me love you more # lizzie, um..." "look, listen." "I want to make it official, because... let's never be apart again." "Oh, god." "Never ever." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Guys, guys." "Um..." "I don't feel good." "Can somebody please hold my hair while I throw up?" "I should probably help her." "Well, we can hold her hair together." "Ok." "Uh-oh." "Oh." "Oh."