"Maybe to adults it looks like we're just running around, playing whatever we want to, wherever we want to, running all around the yard, willy-nilly without barriers or boundaries." "But it's not that simple." "Kids can't just play anywhere they want, because the yard is carved up into a whole bunch of, like, territories." "The territories are all controlled by different groups who all have their own rules for who gets to play where." "So, like, there's the rope-skipping area, which belongs to the grade five girls." "They decide who can play there." "They let other girls play there, but only if they like them." "They won't let boys play there, 'cause they think boys are smelly." "Except, they let Danny Steele play there, but that's only because he smells like one of those scented candles." "The tables where kids play Ju-Ji-Mon, that's the realm of the nerds." "Anyone can play there if they want" " The nerds can't stop them." "But nerds tend to be really good Ju-Ji-Mon players, so the other kids are, like, scared to play there." "It's sorta like a safety zone for nerds." "There's the sandbox." "That's where the little kids play, because little kids like to dig" " Who knows why?" "Maybe they're hoping to find buried treasure someday or something." "There's the oasis, where Mary Maladich and the other girls are" " Not that I care where Mary is or anything..." "Me and my crew hang out at the top of the slide so I can see what's going on in the whole yard, most of which I control." "But not the stairs." "That's where Frankie and his jerk-ass crew hang out." "They also control the soccer pitch, which means if you want to play there, you have to ask permission from Frankie and his crew." "And they hardly give permission to anyone." "And that's what started this whole what started this whole problem." "Can I help you?" "We want to play the winners." "Well, you can't." "The losers of this game are playing the winners." "But that is not fair." "We don't make the rules." "We just enforce 'em." "You want us to enforce them?" "Enforce?" "I will enforce your face into my ass!" "Fuck is this kid?" "Take it easy." "He just arrived from our homeland." "Well, maybe he should get back on his banana boat, and get back to his" "Youssef, stop!" "Not now." "Youssef, that's not how it works in here." "Before we act, we must first talk to Nick." "He is a good man." "Come on." "Nick, they haven't allowed us to play on the soccer pitch all year." "It's totally bull crap!" "Yeah, I've noticed that." "I was hoping they'd do the right thing, but I'm not surprised they're being total jerks." "I knew you would understand." "So that means that you will make them share the soccer pitch with us?" "Yeah, just give me a couple of days to set it up." " No!" "It must be afternoon recess-- Excuse me." "It must be afternoon recess today!" "It won't be today, but I promise I'll get you in there." "You just gotta be patient!" "Nick, my people have been patient long enough." "You are the big boss man of the whole yard." "This should be a simple matter for you." "Being the so-called "big boss man" isn't as easy as everyone thinks." "It's fucking hard!" "All the kids expect me to solve their problems like that, but all of these things take time." "They're difficult, they're complicated." "Nobody seems to understand that." "Bud, I want to get you in there." "I do." "But these things take time." "Stop it with this time!" "We are out of time!" "It is time." "Nick, what I'm about to do, I ask for your forgiveness." " Wedgie" " Huh?" "Oh, shit!" "Oh, shit!" "Oh, crap!" "Oh, bud... what have you done?" "Oh, sh... ahhh!" "Desperate times call for desperate measures, Nick." "Why won't you let bud and his friends use the soccer field?" "Because they're a security risk." "What do you mean by that?" "Why do you mean, what do I mean?" "It's obvious that they're the ones who attacked us." "Yeah, they didn't even attack us face-to-face." " They hid like little scaredy-cats." " They hid like little scaredy- fucking-mice running into a fucking hole the fucking wall." "We did what we did because they took away all the other option." "How does that make you feel?" "This game is like a religion to us, and they are denying our rights to practice our religion." "It's like they think they own the soccer pitch, but only God owns the soccer pitch." "The soccer field belongs to us." " Yeah, it's our God-given right." "The sad part is, they're only hurting themselves." "Because now in order to restore the peace, we have to hurt them." "Yeah, it's called a primitive strike." "I saw it on the history channel." "It's when one country hits another one first, and hits them so hard, they can't hit you back." "Don't you mean a preemptive strike?" "No, primitive." "You hit 'em hard like a caveman." "Or a T-Rex." "What's up?" "Just thought you might want to know, Frankie and his crew are going to hit back." "Know what they're gonna do?" "I don't know, but from the sounds of it, they're gonna go after bud and youssef." "What can I do for you, Nick?" "I heard you're planning to attack bud and youssef." "So what if we are?" "Look at what they did to us?" "They water balloon bombed us on our own turf, just because we won't let them on our soccer field." "Who says it's your soccer field?" "What do you mean?" "This field has always belonged to my family." "Before me, it belonged to my older brother, Drago." "Before him, it belonged to my cousin, Vlad, and he even donated the bench, so, yeah, damn fucking right it belongs to me." "This ball?" "This ball is my family's blood." "You see these brown marks?" "This is my father's and uncle's blood." "They were" ""assassined" during little league finals last year in my homeland." "And because of the massacre, the game wasn't even finished." "We had to flee the country the next day, and when we did, all I brought with me was this ball." "And now, because of Frankie and his crew, I can't even play on the soccer pitch." "How is that fair?" "Tough shit!" "That's just the way it works." "And if bud and his gang think they can change that by bombing us, they're going to be sorely mistaken." "Yeah." "Real sorely." "Totally sorely." "How do you even know it was them?" "I was with bud when it happened." "All right, Nick." "As usual, I guess you're right." "So, if something were to happen to them now, it couldn't have anything to do with me." "I was here with you." "How could you do this to me?" "You bastard!" "How could you do this to me?" "Okay, easy, easy." "Do what?" "I'm just talking to my friend, Nick." "Frankie, on my father's life, Until you realize our right to share the soccer pitch, we will continue to sting you, and sting you like a swarm of killer bees." "Okay, okay, come on, come on." "What are you gonna do about it, bud?" "Bud, you can't win like this." "They'll just make your lives miserable." "My friend, they already make our lives miserable." "Besides, we have a secret weapon." "Hey, bud." "Hey, bud." "Bud!" "What's your secret weapon?" "I can show you, but you must wear this." "This is our secret weapon." "We call him "the bladder", because his bladder is the size of a camel's hump, and he has been eating nothing but asparagus for the past four days and drinking gallons w water." "He is ready." "Today, a very stinky rain will come down on the heads of Frankie and his crew." "And now you must leave." "I cannot do this part with people watching." "He is very modest." "It reeks!" "We found out that they got this kid." "He's got a huge bladder." "They kept him in a hideout, and brought him bottles of water, and all he did was drink and eat asparagus." "He could fill like 50 balloons a day." "So then we had to ask ourselves, where was the fucking hideout, and where were they launching the balloons from?" "Aw, my mom's gonna kill me!" "He kept changing it up, moving it around." "They like to stay mobile, launching from different spots, using different methods." "Since we couldn't stop them from launching their balloons, we had to stop them from getting the materials they needed to make the balloons." "So we cut their water supply down to a trickle." "Where do you think you're going?" "To the water fountain." "You got a permit?" "You don't need a permit to get water." "You do now." "Says who?" "It's the new rule." "So how do you get this permit?" "Beats me." "Not my department." "Next." "Youssef, no." "Hey, you're cool." "Enjoy your drink." "This is an outrage!" "Let's go." "They think they can bring us to our knees by cutting off a basic human need" " Water?" "Taking off our water supply just makes us thirstier for justice!" "Do you think they'll try another attack?" "Shit, yeah." "The only question is when." "It's like they're holding us hostage." "None of us even want to play soccer anymore, 'cause we're all too nervous and shit." "Yeah, which isn't fair." "There's only a few of them." "We got the numbers, we got the strength" " I mean, they should be nervous, not us." "Yeah, but you are nervous." "I mean, your whole crew's scared." "I ain't scared of those skinny fucking foreigners." "Me neither." "I ain't scared of nothing." "Velociraptors." "Just a little." "Ghosts." "Okay, I'm kind of scared of ghosts." "And bigfoot." "Oh, yeah." "Bigfoot." "Well, you're scared of the Ogopogo." "Well, the Ogopogo's a 100- foot-long sea monster, you idiot!" "We are used to living under the boot of bullies." "That just means we have to use our imagination." "And I have a very active imagination." "I, too, enjoy imagining things." "Yes, youssef imagines many very weird things." "Yes, watch." "I'll imagine something right now." "Ready?" "The whole situation is out of control." "The north africans are as pissed off as ever, and so is Frankie's crew." "Plus, they're scared about another attack." "The whole yard's on edge!" "Hey, Nick, why is youssef wearing a raincoat on a sunny day?" "Oh, shit." "What's going on, man?" "Stay back." "Why?" "Because you are innocent." "Whoa, whoa." "Hold on, man." "What's going on?" "Whatever it is, it's, it's not worth it." "Please, just think this over." "Nice raincoat, dink." "I respectfully ask you one Let us share the soccer pitch." "You're never gonna play on our soccer field." "It is not yours." "Is too." "Is not is too." "What?" "It is God's gift to everyone." "What the fuck are you talking about?" "You guys don't even believe in God." "Do too." "Yeah, but not the right one." "Yeah, your God is gay." "Totally gay." "Is not!" "Yes!" "One side hits, the other hits back worse, and then those guys want revenge for that, so they hit back even harder." "And then those guys want revenge for that, so they hit back even harder." "And it never stops." "It just gets worse." "Youssef got suspended." "Frankie and his grew broke Youssef's arm and what did they get?" "They got one day of detention because they said it was self-defense." "How do you break a kid's arm in self-defense?" "That's all you got?" "And the more they want to fight, the harder it is for me to make them stop fighting." "I needed to talk to Mary." "Go, go, go!" "Nick has been ignoring me ever since we, um, you know." "So I was starting to think he was kind of a jerk." "But then he sent me this note asking me to meet him, so I started to think maybe he wasn't a jerk." "Hey." "Hi." "So, I wanted to talk to you." "I wanted to talk to you too." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, but you go first." "Okay, well, I wanted to talk to you about soccer." "What?" "But then when we met, I started to think, maybe he was a jerk." "Again." "What about soccer?" "You know all the stuff that's going on between your brother and the north africans?" "I'm trying to get those guys to fight it out on the soccer field." "Nick, I don't care about soccer!" "Yeah, but couldn't you pretend to care as a favour to me?" "You're asking me to go against my family?" "After the way you've treated me?" "What?" "So, how'd it go?" "I don't know." "It was like she was, like, mad at me for something." "Women!" "Why?" "I don't know." "Maybe because she's a friggin' nut muncher!" "Hey, language!" "Yeah, she's not a nut muncher." "Oooh, sorry." "So... so did she agree or not?" "Is she gonna help us?" "I don't know, j.J." "There!" "All grade two boys are in, Nick." "Grade four boys are in too." "The grade five boys are in." "Right, but what about the girls?" "Still no word, and we need the girls." "Frankie and Mickey won't just do it because they think the boys are into it." "They'll only do it if they think it'll impress the girls." "Bud, how's youssef?" "His body's broken, but his spirit is strong." "How are you?" "Bud, I'm trying to make it so you guys can fight it out on the soccer field in a game against Frankie's crew." "That's all we ever asked for." "Thank you, Nick." "Well, it's not exactly a done deal yet." "Some things have to fall into place first." "What's all this fucking bullshit about a soccer game?" "Why?" "You scared?" "Frankie, I just heard you challenged bud's team to a soccer game." "That is so awesome." "Wow." "Whoever wins this is gonna be, like, the coolest kid in school." "I will never..." "Understand... girls." "I never understood why those guys got to call the shots and hog the soccer fields anyway." "It's not fair." "That's stupid!" "Nick's plan sounds fair." "Yeah, I'd totally watch that game, and I don't even give a crap about soccer." "It's boring, and no one ever scores." "But I would love to watch Frankie get served." "It would be like, unh!" "Suck it, Frankie!" "The reason I want to be a doctor is because I don't believe people should suffer, but I'd love to see Frankie get his ass kicked." "So it was all set up." "All bud's team had to do was win." "Come on, ref!" "What the fuck?" "Come on!" "They were out-geared, out-muscled, out-weighed, but bud's team played with heart." "Frankie's team just played dirty." "Both sides fought hard, but when the recess bell rang, the game was still scoreless." "Oh, come on!" "Come on!" "This is bullshit." "Come on!" "So the game was continued at morning recess the next day." "Run!" "Run!" "Come on, guys!" "But nobody scored then either, so it was continued at lunch." "And no one scored then either, so it was continued next recess." "The match went on for three whole days." "It was as hot as a hot dog, and Frankie's team looked like they were running out of steam." "But just when it looked like bud's team had the game in the bag, Frankie found a way to change the rules of the to change the rules of the game." "What the fuck?" "That's it." "Game over." "You lose." "What?" "What do you mean?" "We can't play, which means you lose, unless you've got another ball." "Bullies don't play by the rules." "They play dirty, which is why sometimes it seems like it's damned near impossible for rule-abiding kids to win." "But every once in a while, things do go the right way." "I've got a ball." "Game on, my main man!" "You know, most kids didn't think bud's team was gonna win, but I did." "Well, what made you think they'd win?" "Frankie's team was playing for greed;" "Bud's team was playing for justice, so it meant more to them." "Most kids didn't think about that, which is why I got most kids to bet against them." "You get money on the game?" "Aw, hell yeah." "Lots of money, like, half my paper route money." "Hey, a man's gotta feed his family, and I got a big family." "Thanks for meeting me again." "Whatever." "I got something for you." " Um..." " It's a pizza." "Thanks... what's it for?" "Well, you helped me out." "I wanted to say thank you." "Yeah, well, I almost didn't do it." "Why not?" "'Cause you were such a jerk to me." "What are you talking about?" "I didn't do anything." "I didn't even talk to you." "Exactly." "Do you understand girls?" "Um... uh... no." "It just goes to show you, even when you're dealing with violent people, you can have a peaceful solution." "Kids are always gonna get into fights, right?" "There's no stopping that, but all we can do is try to make the fight fair." "And that's what we did, and it worked." "Problem solved." "Hold up there, Mohammed." "Not so fast, "Playa"." "What is the problem here?" "The thing is, there's a bit of a new rule." "You see, we were concerned, because a few of your guys got roughed up in that last game, and so, for your own protection, we talked to the teachers, and they said that from now on, in order to avoid" "any more injuries, everyone has to wear protective equipment." "You got protective equipment?" "No..." "Can you get your dad to buy you some?" "Oh wait, I forgot" "Your dad's dead." "Wow." "♪ A soldier fought until he fell ♪" "♪ out on some foreign battlefield ♪" "♪ and now he's standing 'round the throne ♪" "♪ lord another soldier gone ♪" "♪ I said another soldier gone ♪" "♪ gone ♪" "♪ gone away ♪" "♪ gone on home ♪" "♪ another soldier gone ♪" "♪ di a and left us ♪"