"Season 12 Episode 9 "Breast Cancer Show Ever"" "Okay children, let's all take our seats." "Before we get started today, Wendy Testaburger has asked to share something with the class." "Wendy?" "Thank you Mr. Garrison." "Fellow students, October is Awareness Month for one of the leading causes of death among women." "A terrible disease that takes the lives of American women every day." "I'm talking, of course, about breast cancer." "An estimated one in six women will deal with cancer in their lifetime, and breast cancer is the most common" "She said it again." "Is there a problem?" "Because breast cancer isn't funny!" "Breast cancer is killing people!" "Mr. Garrison, do we really need all this potty talk in the classroom?" "Eric, for the love of Jesus..." "This is a serious issue, Eric!" "What you're doing is very offensive!" "Me?" "You're the one talking about killer titties." "Watch out, guys." "Wendy said boobs can kill people." "Gonna get you." "Gonna get you, Wendy!" "I don't wanna get killed by boobs." "Will somebody do something?" "Every week he gets worse and nobody does anything!" "Eric, stop being offensive." "I'm just trying to engage in a constructive dialog about breast cancer." "No you aren't!" "Calm down." "Your boobs will get all angry and they'll start killing everyone." "Dude, I'm on fire today!" "Look out, everyone." "There's some killer titties on the loose." "They're coming through the roof." "Officer!" "We need to get an APB out on those titties!" "They're armed and dangerous!" "What is your problem?" "Breast cancer isn't funny!" "Not at all." "Wendy, we're gonna get you Wendy." "We're your boobs, we're gonna kill you!" "You'd better shut up or I'll make you shut up!" "Oh, really?" "What are you gonna do about it, Wendy?" "I'm gonna kick your ass!" "That's what I'm gonna do!" "You're gonna kick my ass?" "That's right, I'm gonna kick your ass!" "You wanna throw down, dawg?" "I'll throw down." " You think you're tough?" " Whassup?" "Whassup?" "I'll smack the shit out of you!" "Standing right here, let's go, bitch." "After school!" "We fight after school!" "You got that?" " You're gonna fight me after school?" " That's right!" "You're a chick, dude." "As soon as that bell rings, we do it outside, you got that?" " And You'd better be there." " Oh, it's on, bitch!" "You're gonna fucking die!" "Wendy and Eric are fighting after school!" "Hey everybody!" "Wendy and Eric are fighting after school!" "What?" "Wendy and Cartman are gonna fight after school!" "Really?" "Wendy and Cartman are fighting after school." "Hey emo kids, Cartman and Wendy are gonna fight after school." "Did she just call us emos?" "Jeez, I can't believe Wendy's gonna fight you after school." "She is pissed off." "She is not gonna show up to a fight, dawg." "I'm sure she's already trying to figure a way to get out of it." "Hey, check it out." "She's totally staring you down." "She sure seems confident." "You should probably go easy on her." "You don't wanna put her in the hospital." "Yeah, I'm just gonna teach her a lesson." "I'm not gonna totally... kick her ass." "Can't go too easy on her though." "God forbid she actually gets in a good punch and... beats ya." "Yeah." "If you got beat up by a girl, everyone would think you were a faggot." "Wendy, could I talk to you for a second?" "What?" "Wendy, I want to apologize, and um, tell you that" "What?" "I want to apologize, and tell you that..." "I'm sorry for what I said." "Okay?" "It was wrong of me, and I promise you that it won't happen again." "I don't wanna fight you after school, all right?" "So, I'm sorry." "If you're really sorry, you can say it in front of everyone!" "Actually, I was thinking..." "let's just keep this between us." "I was wrong to make fun of breast cancer, and I'm very remorsefulness." "No!" "If you're really sorry, and you wanna apologize to me, then do it in front of everyone!" "Apologize?" "That's not what I said, you dumb bitch." "Yes you did!" "You said you apologize and you don't want to fight!" "Oh Wendy, such a desperate attempt to get out of it." "These students are a little too smart to see you're just making excuses not to fight me." "I don't want an excuse!" "I'm going to beat the fucking shit out of you!" "That's funny." "You're gonna die, you lesbo." "Wendy, seriously though, I do want to apologize." "I'm really sorry and I don't think we should fight." "Get away from me!" "So, everyone's saying there's gonna be a fight between Eric Cartman and your girlfriend." "I guess so." "And you're gonna... just let that guy..." "beat up on your woman?" "Doesn't that like, go against your jockey man code or something?" "Yah, I don't ever remember AC/DC singing about letting dudes beat up on their girlfriends." "What am I supposed to do about it?" "Don't worry, I don't think the fight's even gonna happen." "Cartman said that Wendy's already begging him to call it off." "I'll bet she is!" "I hope not!" "I wanna see Eric kick the crap out of her!" "Wendy." "Wendy." " What?" " Real quick." "Just real quick." "Wendy, you're not gonna believe this." "I just found out my mom has breast cancer." "Man, I sure got what was coming to me!" "I was a real jerk, and now they're gonna cut off my mom's boobs." "You really think that's gonna work on me?" "Wendy," "I have here twenty-seven dollars in cash." " If you just call off the fight then I" " You can't bribe your way out of this!" "Wendy, I have muscular dystrophy." "No you don't." "My mom has muscular dystrophy." "In her boobs." "You don't get it, asshole!" "There is nothing you can do to stop this fight!" "I am going to wipe the playground with you right in front of everyone!" "I am going to shove your ass down your throat and make you eat your underwear!" " Eat my underwear?" " That's right." "Okay." "Okay Wendy." "I will eat my underwear." "Right here, right now." "Jesus Christ, do you have no sense of self-respect?" "No." "Unless you want me to." "You want me to have self-respect, then I will." "You fucking suck so hard!" "I'll eat my underwear, Wendy." "And you'll be satisfied." "We can put this whole thing behind us." " What are you doing?" " I'm committed to peace, Wendy." "I want you to see just how far I will go..." "How much I..." "Wendy?" "Look at me, Wendy." "There." "Yeah." "Oh my God!" "So..." " Are we cool?" " No!" "I ate my underwear!" "What the hell do you want from me?" "You are so pathetic!" "Wendy it isn't fair!" "I ate my underwear for you!" "No!" "Yo, what's up dawg?" " Stan, Stan!" "Dude, we need to talk." " What?" "Wendy and I are supposed to fight in like three hours." " Yeah?" " Dude, aren't you worried?" "Wendy's a girl." "She could end up getting really hurt, Stan." "You're my bro, and she's your bitch." "I don't wanna hurt my bro's bitch." "I can't do anything;" "she really wants to fight you." "No, she doesn't." "She told me she doesn't wanna fight." "She's just stuck, Stan." "Because she knows I'm gonna kick her ass, but she feels like if she doesn't fight me all the kids will call her a chicken." " Really?" " You know what she did?" "She apologized and begged me not to fight her." "I said "Well Wendy, if you're so sorry, then say it in front of everyone."" "But she wouldn't." "That's how desperate she is." "You have to do something." "You have to be a fucking man and forbid her from fighting, so she has a way" "Oh, that's where I put those." "Anyway, you've got to put a stop to this fight." "Wendy's stuck and she needs you." "Dude, there's nothing I can do about it." "God, you are such a pussy, Stan!" "You're such a pussy!" "When i hurt Wendy, it's gonna be on your fucking head!" "And so you see, at this point Euripides knew he could not win the battle." "I am going to wipe the playground with you right in front of everyone!" "If you got beat up by a girl, everyone would think you were a faggot." "All right kids, for your homework tonight I want you all to read chapters seven..." "Kick the shit out of him, Wendy!" "When the bell rings, we've gotta get out there and find a good place to watch." "There's no way out." "She's gonna kick my ass in front of everyone." "Almost time." "And be ready for a quiz tomorrow morning." "I totally can't see the fight, dude." "I have detention after school." "Detention!" "That's it!" "I've gotta get detention, fast!" "Eric, did you just take a crap on my desk?" "Whassup?" "Whassup?" "Crapped on your desk, dawg." "What's up with that?" "Welcome to detention, m'kay?" "You are here until your parents come and pick you up." "Use your time to study." "Sweet." "Eric." "Eric." "Eric, what's going on?" "Everyone says you got detention on purpose to get out of fighting Wendy." "That's ridiculous!" "But some people think you crapped on the desk, to get out of the fight." " That's not why I did it." " Then why'd you crap on the desk?" "Because I'm hardcore." "You know, I'm anti-establishment." "That's how I roll, dawgs." "I do hardcore stuff like that." "That's what I said." "I told everyone outside," ""Cartman ain't scared of fighting Wendy!" "He'd do it if he could!"" "Damned straight!" "I just got all punk rock and got detention!" "I'm just a bad dude." "That's good, because we moved the fight to first thing in the morning tomorrow." "Before school starts." "Everyone will get there early." "Your detention won't matter." "Eric, get your buns back over here, m'kay?" "Wendy said she'd be here an hour before school starts." "See you in the morning, champ!" "Tomorrow morning!" "You fucking die tomorrow morning!" " Wendy?" " Yeah?" "We need to talk to you, right now." "Wendy, have you been bullying kids at school?" "What?" "No!" "Do you want to explain why this little boy's mother had to come talk to us?" "Did you tell this boy you were going to beat him up?" "You don't understand." "He said horrible things." "The thing is, I totally said I was sorry, but she still wants to beat me up." "Wendy, no matter what a person says, you don't respond with violence." "Haven't we taught you that?" "The thing is, Wendy," "I really think you're awesome, and I know I'm just a nerdy little weakling to you, but" "I want to be your friend because" "I don't have that many friends at school..." "Wendy, you tell this little boy you aren't going to hurt him!" " Mom, you don't" " Now, young lady." "I'm not going to hurt you." "If there is any word of you fighting at school it's over for you!" "Do you understand?" "Yes sir." "We're so sorry about this, Ms. Cartman." "Oh no, thank you so much for your time." "It won't happen again." "You're very sweet." "Thank you again." " Come on, muffin." " Okay, Mommy." "Man it's almost time for school to start and Wendy still isn't here." "Yeah, I don't know what's going on." "I showed up." "Where is she?" "How come Wendy's not showing up for the fight?" "Here she comes!" "What's up, Wendy?" "I thought we were meeting early to fight." "You know I can't fight you!" "Why not?" "You chicken?" "I can't fight you because you came crying to my house with your mom!" "Aw, that's a doozie, Wendy!" "You come up with that one on your own?" "Yeah, did you come up with that one on your own?" "I ain't fronting dawg!" "Let's do this!" "Let's do it right now, yo." " Come on Wendy, kick his ass!" " I can't!" "God damnit!" "She chickened out!" "Told you guys." " I'm glad that's over with." " You've dodged a bullet, Galahad." "I always knew deep down that Wendy didn't have any ba-balls." "And so, we must all recycle." "Every day." "Recycling is important, and it will save our planet," "Earth." "The End." "Very nice, Clyde." "Okay, we have time for one more report before recess." "Who'd like to go?" "Okay, Eric." "Thank you." "My report today is on breast cancer awareness." "I do not believe enough is being done, and, like the victims of breast cancer, there's something I'd like to get off my chest." "We all must fight, and hopefully one day, titty cancer will be a distant mammary." "You unbelievable bastard." "You beat me but you won't stop." "What did the breast cancer say to the Polish monkey?" "Okay, Eric, that's enough you smartass!" "Why?" "Why are you doing this to me?" " Why won't you just stop?" " Wendy, Wendy." "Wendy Testaburger to the principal's office please?" "Wendy Testaburger to the principal's office." "God!" "Wendy, I've been hearing rumors about a fight between you and Eric Cartman." "No ma'am, there isn't going to be a fight." "Oh no?" "Are you sure?" "Yes, ma'am!" "I see." "I've noticed all the things you've done for Breast Cancer Awareness Month." "Did you know I'm a breast cancer survivor?" "Ma'am?" "I was diagnosed seven years ago." "Cancer is... pure evil." "It is a fat little lump that needs to be... destroyed." "When there is a cancer, you have to "fight" it." "You can't reason with cancer, you can't wish it away." "Cancer doesn't play by the rules, so neither can you." "My... parents said that if I fight" "And you can't listen to what anybody else tells you." "You have to be willing to give up everything, because the cancer will take everything." "Do you understand?" "Yes, ma'am!" "When you have cancer you fight, because it doesn't matter if you beat it or not." "You refuse to let that fat little lump make you feel powerless!" "She's gonna fight!" "Wendy's gonna fight Cartman right now!" "What?" "Go deep, Craig." "Not that deep, retard!" "She's coming!" "She's coming!" " Butters, get out of here!" " But Wendy's coming to fight you." " Oh boy here we go!" " All right!" "It's about freaking time." "All right, let's do it!" "What what's up?" "What what's up?" "Wendy, don't forget:" "I'll tell my mom on you." "I don't care!" "Recess is almost over, I don't know if there's really time." "Shut up and fight!" "All right, fine Wendy!" "I'll fight ya you big bully!" "Fuck him up, Wendy!" "Wendy?" "I'm finished!" "Somebody call the principal!" "You don't have to say anything." "I know how it is." "I'm no longer the cool kid." "Now you all think I'm a fag..." "My school life is over, because now all the guys don't think I'm cool." "Dude, we never thought you were cool." "That's not true." "You're just saying that." "No, really." "We've always thought you suck." "Yeah, nothing's changed." "Our opinion of you can't possibly go any lower." "You're all just saying that to make me feel better." "No, it's true." "We've always hated you." "Yeah." "Don't try and make me feel better, you guys, it isn't..." "Wait, wait a minute." "Why would you guys be saying stuff to make me feel better?" "Unless... unless you do think I'm cool." "What?" "If you're all trying to make me feel better, then you must still like me." "You had me so worried about what you guys were gonna think of me getting beat up by a girl and... it turns out you think I'm cool no matter what." "Oh God, what a relief!" "Yay!"