"On in four, three, two..." "We're back with arguably the greatest entertainment force in the history of the world, Dethklok." "Gentlemen, you are the 12th largest economy in the world and climbing... and yet you all are intensely private." "Little is known about your personal lives." "Why?" "Because." "Well, we at the Nick Ibsen Show do pride ourselves on uncovering the most..." "Hey, douche bag, why don't you drill a hole... in your forehead and let all the sap run out?" "For pancakes." "As intimidating as it is to interview such amazing entertainment figures..." "I nonetheless have a journalistic duty to uncover certain..." " Are you urinating on my shoes?" " Yes." "I am." "Well, as I said before, while met with resistance... we have a great surprise in store for you." "We have uncovered something that you all have desperately been trying to hide." "Tonight you will all be reunited with your families." "No!" " You're gonna pay for this." " Pay for what, journalistic integrity?" "William." "I think that you'll find any journalist worth his own salt would do the same." "Good song title, Bloodtrocuted." "## Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ##" "## Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ##" "## Do anything for Dethklok ##" "## Dethklok, Dethklok, Dethklok, Dethklok ##" "## I'll teach you ##" "## Who rock ##" "## Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "##" "## Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ##" "## Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ##" "## William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ##" "## Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ##" "## Ding-dong, Doodily doodily doo ##" "## Nathan Explosion ##" "Dethklok's parents have been uncovered and are visiting." " This could be devastating." " What do we have on the families?" "From Tomahawk, Wisconsin we have Pickles' parents Calvin and Molly... with older brother Seth, a recently released convict." "From Victory Gardens, the premier armed forces retirement community in Florida..." "Rose and Oscar Explosion." "She's the once-lovely Miss Sweden 1956... the brave single mother whose neglect helped form the world's fastest guitarist " "Surfetta Skwigelf." "And the curious and rather offbeat grandparents... who raised William after the tragic murder-suicide of his parents " "Stella and Thunderbolt Murderface." " What's the wagon for?" " Massive stroke." "I see." "And last, but not least... from an abandoned village near Lillehammer, Norway..." "Anya and the reverend Aslaug Wartooth." "I see the families reunite." "I see father killing son." "In the end, there's ultimate brutality." "This may be the answer we've been waiting for." "This could rip them apart." "We will allow the darkness to unfold." "I just want to climbs into a hole and not deals, you know, right, Toki?" "What, you're not talking to me?" "I'll never not be embarrassed by my parents." "It's repugnant." "I'd rather be dead and faceless than grow old and repugnant like that." "I know." "I think we all wish those guys were dead." "Maybe we can just take them out to dinner and get them off our back." "Oh, you're right." "So what do you feel like eating?" " You remember Mrs. Miller, don't you?" " No." "They had to cut her legs off, poor thing." "There was an ice storm, and the power went out in her house... and she woke up with her feet frozen." "God, Ma, that's brutal." "Her feet were black like a black person's feet... not that I have anything against black people... but this was frostbite... and besides, black people's feet are pink on the bottom." "I learned they have these wheelchairs now with computers in them... that you can control by blinking your eyes... and with all your money, William... your grandfather has to sit there in a wagon like a dead cat." "Oh, I guess I'll just run out and buy one." "Hey, anyone else want one?" "Electric wheelchairs." "I'll buy a million of them." "Don't hit people on the head with spoons." "So I took a music management course at Wisconsin state prison, you know?" " Can you believe this crap?" " He can manage you." "He's gonna make an office above the garage." "Hell, yeah." "I managed five bands in D block... and they were frickin' good." "You heard of the Twixies?" "It hasn't gotten out yet, but, you know, I recorded some stuff, Dictaphone." "Sounds so good, it blew my mind but I just want to talk to you." "Dude, we should start a frickin' label." "Can you imagine that, you know, brothers in business?" "I would be in charge of numbers." "You just play the music." "Play those rat-a-tat-tat." "Play those drums, and I want to do it as an independent deal... none of those big, fancy labels." "Let me out of here." "I got to pee-pee." " Me, too." " That's for sure." "I am gonna lose my mind." "My parents just brag and brag about my brother." ""Oh, he's in a room above the garage."" "Big deal!" "He's an ex-con!" "I haven't used one of these things for 15 years." "What the..." "This whole thing gives me a case of my stomachs throw up." "What are you worried about?" "Your mom seems cool." "She was the most prosqueaminess womens in Sweden..." "Had sex with everybody." "Pfft!" "Thanks, mom." "The fact that my parents had sex in order to create me... makes me want to be buried alive." "My grandma has an odor that's so very wrong... and she wants me to buy that bastard a wheelchair." "She won't shut up about it." "Why do we make it so hard on ourselves?" "I'll just solve it like any other problem." "Of course." "We have them put to sleep." "No." "We lie." "We'll lie through our teeth and throw money at it." "Buy that bastard a wheelchair." "We'll take them miniature golfing... whatever the... people do." "We'll pretend we're interested... in what they're asking and when that weekend is over... we'll ship them out of here, never to be seen again." "Deal?" "OK." "William, you're going to go to heaven for this." "I'd rather die than go to heaven." "I can't believe you're back." "It's been so long." " I know." "It's been tedious." " I've missed you." "I've missed you, too." "No." "All I'm saying is, I did some of the numbers already... so I did most of the work, right?" "So, all I need is a percentage, and what I need to get started to get the label." "You know, phones, chicks to answer the phones... desks, all that stuff." "Just need a couple bucks." "You just sign the check." "See?" "I already wrote out a check right there." "You just sign it, all right?" "I know what your pin number is." "That's not a threat, so just..." "I'm the real deal, OK?" "Not one of these friggin' assholes you'll meet somewhere." "Why don't we talk about all this cool stuff when I come over and visit next weekend?" "I'm into that." "You tell me where and when." "Send me a plane ticket." "Send me an e-ticket." " What are you doing?" " Sorry, sorry." "I just..." "It's my fault." "I can't stand to see her chew." "I just locked in on it." "My fault." "Sorry." "Time to go." "Time to go." "Everyone get packed up." "Where's the folks?" "Hey, hey." "Oh, it can't comes any faster." "I've had this sour stomach ever since my mom has been here." "Toki hasn't said one word." "Maybe they died in their sleep." "All right, dudes." "Can I have a word with you?" "Oh, not now, bro." "We got to see everybody off for now, for good, to the airport." " Where are they?" " OK." "Here's the deal." "Everyone is in the studio, all right?" " We want to have a little powwow?" " In the studio?" "We are going to do a Dethklok family death-metal album." "There it is." "I said it, OK, and I've got it all figured out." "Everybody's on board." "Now we all can enjoy the fruits of our talents." "After all, hey, you're my little brother." "I friggin' love you, but you know what?" "You got all of your ideas about music from me." "As far as the idea to become a rock-and-roll star." "That was mine, so face it, you owe me." " You'll be making a percentage." " For once, it is not about the money." "I don't want my parents doing a f-- metal album." "You can't take this away from them." "We're family." "What the hell are you talking about?" "We are the most brutal band in the world." "What do any of you know about being brutal?" " Yeah." " Help me." "You guys better chase out, or you're gonna haves each other's lunch for dinner." " He's choking..." " Help." "You gutless pieces of living garbage... you think you know what it's like to be brutal?" "Can you imagine cleaning the feculence out of his diapers every morning?" "Let me tell you, billionaire lowlifes, something." "There's nothing, nothing in this world... more brutal and grotesque than raising children." "You ruined my vagina." "I could never lose the weight after you were born... and look at the veins in my bosom." "They're like a roadmap of Stockholm." "I used to be happy until you... when I start spending all my time with her... and I spend all my beer money on little kids' clothes." "That's brutal." "My body is a lifeless cell." "Please, please kill me." "Please kill me." "I have not had an erection for 30 years." "I just used my underpants as a restroom." "Please kill me." "Dear God, kill me." "Kill me." "Kill me." "Kill me." "Kill me." "Kill me." "Kill me." "Kill me." "Kill me." "Kill me me me me me me me me me me me me me me."