"After you." "Is this 348?" "Yes, it is." "I've got a special delivery here." "Oh, that sounds interesting." "It's for Dowd." "Dowd's my name." "Elwood P." "Here, sir." "Let me give you one of my cards." "That won't be necessary, sir." "Just sign right here." "Uh-huh." "Beautiful day." "Oh, every day's a beautiful day." " There." " Thank you." "He was a nice man." "Come on." "Thank heavens he's gone!" "Oh, Myrtle, it's a wonderful feeling to have your relative out of the house before the company comes." "Mother, you're sure Uncle Elwood won't come back and spoil everything after the guests arrive?" "Of course not, dear." "Your uncle always spends the afternoon downtown at those filthy bars and taverns." "You know that." "I'll go tell the cateress to get started." "Why, Miss Johnson, what are you doing?" "Leaving." "Miss Johnson, you were hired to serve as well as cater." "Our guests will be here any minute." "Now, Miss Johnson..." "Myrtle, let me handle this, dear." "Miss Johnson, what's wrong?" "There was a man here a minute ago and he stopped and he spoke to me." "You didn't tell him anything about our party, did you?" "I didn't tell him nothing." "He gave me his card." "Here." "And then he introduced me to somebody." "To whom?" "Do you think I'd stay in this house after that?" "Oh..." " Oh." " Oh!" "Mother, people get run over by trucks every day." "Why can't something like that happen to Uncle Elwood?" "Myrtle Mae Simmons, I'm ashamed of you." "Even if people do call your uncle peculiar, he is still my baby brother." "And this thing is not his fault." "Whose fault is it then?" "Now, we'll get the cook to do the serving." "Come along and lend me a hand, dear." "We haven't got much time." "Elvira!" "If it isn't his fault, whose fault is it?" "I know whose fault it is, dear, but I'm not telling." "You're not telling?" "Elvira?" "Elvira, you can bring those things in now." "Oh, Mother, why can't we live like other people?" "Myrtle Mae, do I have to keep reminding you your Uncle Elwood is not living with us, we're living with him." "Living with him and his pal!" "You promised." "With his pal Harvey!" "You said that name." "You promised you wouldn't say that name and you said it." "Mother, why did grandmother leave all of her property to Uncle Elwood?" "I suppose it was because she died in his arms." "People are sentimental about things like that." "You always say that and it doesn't make sense." "She couldn't make out a will after she died, could she?" "Oh, Myrtle, don't be didactic." "It's not becoming in a young girl." "Besides, men loathe it." "Men!" "A fine chance I've got." "Now, Myrtle, dear, you know the whole idea of this party this afternoon is to..." "Is to get you started socially, so that you can meet some nice young men." "Oh, what's the use?" "Myrtle Mae Simmons, her uncle, Elwood P. Dowd, is the biggest screw screwball in town!" "Who'd want me?" "Oh, Myrtle, dear, you're sweet and you have so much to offer." "I don't care what anyone says, there's something sweet about every young girl." "And a man takes that sweetness and look what he does with it." "Show some poise, dear." "I want you to charm Mrs. Chauvenet." "She has a grandson just about your age." "A lot of good that'll do if Uncle Elwood comes home." "Well, Uncle Elwood won't be home this afternoon." "Or will he?" "I'm going to telephone Judge Gaffney." "We can't take any chances." "Mother, you better hurry." "Mrs. Halsey and Miss Tewksbury are here already." "Oh, dear." "Yes, dear, I am hurrying." "Well, hurry, Mother." "They're getting out of the car!" "Oh." "Judge Gaffney, please." "Mrs. Veta Simmons calling." "Yes?" "Oh." "Put her on." "Veta, my girl, this is a pleasure." "Judge, we haven't got a moment to lose." "I'm having the Wednesday Forum over for a program tea and reception for Ethel Chauvenet." "Elwood has just gone out, but I'm so afraid he may come back." "You can understand why." "Oh, hello, Miss Tewksbury, Mrs. Halsey." "Go right into the drawing room." "Myrtle, dear, take their things." "Yes, you've got to help me, Judge." "You've got to help me." "I can't..." "Speak up, speak up, Veta." "What?" "I can't make out what you're talking about." "Is that so?" "Oh!" "Yoo-hoo, Mrs. Strickleberger." "Oh, hello, Mrs. Simmons." "Oh, no, no, no." "Yes, that'll be all right." "You can depend on me." "All right." "Minninger, in a few minutes, a man will be crossing the square." "He'll be wearing a hat and coat and carrying another one over his arms." "I want you to follow him." "If necessary, even confront him." " Quietly, of course." " Yes, sir." "But at all events, I want you to prevent him from returning to his house." "His sister is giving a party." "He wouldn't fit in." "His name is Elwood P. Dowd." "Elwood Dowd, sir!" "Couldn't you get someone else, Judge?" "Kratke, maybe, or Beck?" "They're bigger than I am." "You'll be able to hide better." "Hurry now and stick with him all afternoon." "Quickly, boy." "Quickly." "Okay, sir." "Oh, elevator!" "Come in." "Yes?" "Who is it?" "Oh!" "The doctor will see you in a minute." " Good afternoon, Mr. Dowd." " How do you do?" "We must be more careful." "After you." " How do, Mr. Dowd?" " Afternoon, Mr. Cracker." "Excuse me." "How is he?" "Oh, he's just fine, fine." "How are you?" "Oh, can't complain." "That's good." "Is this all right?" "You sure?" "Hmm?" "All right." "Give you a hand there." "Whoop!" "Don't slip!" "There." "Now, you sure this is all right?" "You wouldn't rather sit in a booth?" " All right." " Would he prefer a booth, Mr. Dowd?" "Thank you, Mr. Cracker." "He seems to prefer the bar today." "Good afternoon to you, sir." "Mr. Meegles is back." "Oh." "Well!" "You..." "Excuse me a minute." "Mr. Meegles, well, this is a pleasure." "We've missed you." " How are you, Mr. Dowd?" " Fine." "And how is he?" "Oh, he's splendid, thank you." "Splendid." "He decided he wanted to come over here this afternoon, so here we are." "Sit down." "Oh, thank you." "You've been away." " For 90 days." " Oh." "Been doing a job for the state." "Making license plates." "Oh, is that so?" "Interesting work?" " I can take it or leave it alone." " I see." "I did a job for them last year, too, helping them build a road." "Oh." "Mr. Meegles, we'll just have to do something about your return." "Would you like to come to my house for dinner tonight?" "Thanks, Mr. Dowd, but I couldn't make it tonight." "Tomorrow night?" "Would that suit you?" "Yes, yes." "But, you know, the last time I was there," "I kind of got the impression your sister held it against me 'cause I did a little time." "Oh, no, Mr. Meegles." "My sister loves to entertain." "She's very social, you know." "Yes, I see by the papers." "You know, I never miss the society column." "You don't?" "No." "She's giving a clambake this afternoon." " This afternoon?" " Yeah." ""Reception, program and tea," it says here," ""for the members of the Wednesday Afternoon Forum,"" "for that rich Mrs. Shuvanut." "Yeah, that's Aunt Ethel." "Yes." "Is it today's paper?" "Yeah." "Veta didn't tell me anything about this." "It must have slipped her mind." "Well, I'll see you tomorrow night at 7:00, Mr. Meegles, huh?" " Thanks, Mr. Dowd." " Very glad to have seen you." " Goodbye." " Bye-bye." "Harvey, I just found out..." "Now, what can I do for you, Mr. Dowd?" "What did you have in mind?" "What's your order?" " Two Martinis." " Two Martinis." "Harvey, it seems that Veta is having a party this afternoon." "And I..." "Hmm?" "Oh, you knew?" "Well, I just thought that she might be offended if we weren't there." "After all, she's the only sister I have and I..." "How's that?" "And the only one I'm ever likely to have." "Yes, you're absolutely right." "We'd better hurry." "That'll be four bits." "The one at the end will pay for it." "Come back here..." "He'd be delighted." "He'd be delighted." "Well, let's drink up." "♪ My love ♪" "♪ Will take me flying through the sky ♪" "♪ On a steed with golden wings ♪" "♪ And then we'll ride away ♪" "♪ Forever high ♪" "♪ On the moon On a star ♪" "♪ On a cloud ♪" "♪ In his arms I will stay ♪" "♪ Hop, hop, hop, hop, hippety hop On a golden steed ♪" "♪ Hop, hop, hop, hop, hippety hop Love is all I need ♪" "♪ Hop, hop, hop, hop, hippety hop On a golden steed ♪" "♪ Hop, hop, hop, hop, hippety hop Love is all I need ♪" "Mother." "Mrs. Chauvenet is here." "Mrs. Chauvenet is here?" "Aunt Ethel!" "Veta Louise Simmons, I thought you were dead." "Oh, no." "No, I'm very much alive, thank you." "And this is my daughter Myrtle Mae." "My dear, you're your grandmother all over again." "I was at her funeral." "And now, where is Elwood?" "Well, Elwood couldn't be home this afternoon." "Oh..." "That's Miss Tewksbury singing." "She'll be through in a minute." "Oh, shame on him." "That was the main reason I came." "I want to see Elwood." "Do you realize, Veta, I haven't seen Elwood in years?" "I was saying to Mr. Chauvenet just the other..." "What do you want, my dear?" "Just the other night," ""What on earth do you think happened to Elwood Dowd?" ""He never comes to the Yale alumni dances anymore." ""I haven't seen him at the club" ""or at the horse show in years."" "Does Elwood see anybody these days?" "Oh, yes, Aunt Ethel, Elwood sees somebody." "Yes, Aunt Ethel, he does." "Well, is Elwood happy, Veta Louise?" "Oh, yes, Aunt Ethel, Elwood's very happy." "Now you mustn't worry about Elwood." "Ooh!" "There's Mrs. Cummings." "She's waving at you." "Is that Mrs. Frank Cummings?" "Doesn't she look ghastly?" "I thought she was dead." "I must get a closer look." "We can go in now." "What did I do with..." "Oh, there it is." "Oh, no." "Elwood." "Elwood Dowd." "Bless your heart." "Aunt Ethel." "What a pleasure to come in and find a beautiful woman waiting for me." "Elwood, you haven't changed." "Elwood." "Well, well." "You both look lovely." "Elwood, some mail came for you this afternoon." "It looked important, so I put it up in your room." "Did you, Veta?" "Well, that was nice of you." "Aunt Ethel, I'd like to have you meet a very dear friend..." "Aunt Ethel, don't you want some tea?" "Not just now, thank you." "There's punch if you don't like tea." "But I do like tea." "Stop pulling me, you two." "Elwood, what night next week will you come to dinner, you and Veta and Myrtle Mae?" "I'll have Ordway there." "Ordway is my grandson." "Any night." "Any night at all." "I'd be delighted." "I'd like to meet Ordway." "And now, Aunt Ethel, I'd like you to meet Harvey." "Harvey, you've heard me speak of Aunt Ethel Chauvenet." "She's one of my oldest and dearest friends." "She's the one who..." "Hmm?" "That's right." "This is the one." "No, no, she's the one!" "She..." "He says he would've known you anywhere." "Well..." "Now we must go in and greet the rest of our friends." "Come along, Harvey." "Oh, uh..." "Aunt Ethel, will you pardon me?" "You're standing in his way." "There we are." "I'll see you in a minute." "Aunt Ethel, I can see that you're disturbed about Harvey." "Now please don't be." "He stares that way at everybody." "It's his way." "But he likes you, I can tell." "He likes you very much." "I'm coming, Harvey." "I think I'll be running along." " No tea?" "Or punch?" " No, no." "Thank you." "Perhaps a nice little lemon fizz..." "No, I'll be going." "Goodbye." "...with a turkey wing and some walnut dressing?" "Oh, no!" "Elwood." "Elwood." "Oh, no." "Not Mrs. Halsey." "No, she has a nephew." "He's a little bit old, but he would have done in a pinch." "Mother, I can't face those people." "I just can't." "Myrtle, your uncle has disgraced us for the last time in this house." "I'm going to see to that." "You're no match for him." "He always gets the best of you." " Where are you going?" " Upstairs to pack." "I'm going to lose myself in some strange city." "I'm going to change my name." "No, don't do that yet, dear." "Wait until I telephone Judge Gaff..." "Judge Gaffney." "I'm going to do something I should've done long ago." "I don't understand it, Veta." "Mr. Minninger is as trustworthy as the Bible." "I don't know anything about your Mr. Minninger." "But I do know Elwood Dowd when I see him and he's here." "He's here, I tell you." "Well, if you insist he's there, then I must act on the assumption that he's there." "Minninger!" "You failed!" "I didn't fail, Judge." "I haven't even tried yet." "I've been in the doctor's office." "Oh!" "Excuse me." "Hold on, Judge." "Mrs. Halsey, Mrs. Krausmeyer." "You're not leaving, are you?" "I just remembered the horse show is today." " Goodbye." " It's been jolly." "Won't you join us again tomorrow night, Mrs. Cummings?" "Harvey and I are having a few people in for Mr. Meegles." "It's very informal, of course." "Forgive me, Mrs. Simmons." "One of my stupid headaches." "Such a lovely party." "Goodbye, goodbye." " Elwood, I'd like to talk..." " Yes." " There we are." " Oh." "I'd like to talk to you, Elwood." "I'd like to talk to you too, Veta." "This is very important." "Would you mind coming into the library?" "Of course, Veta." "Elwood, I want to talk to you." "Oh." "Elwood, I want you to wait here." "Now don't move." "I'll be right back." "Certainly, Sister." "I happen to have a little free time right now, and you're welcome to all of it, Veta." "You want Harvey to wait, too?" "Oh, yes." "Yes, Elwood." "I certainly do." "Hello!" "Speak up, I say." " Did you say something, Harvey?" " Who said that?" "Who spoke?" "Hello!" "Veta Louise, are you there?" "Are you there, girl?" "Hello?" "Veta?" "Hello." "Who is it, please?" "Oh, Judge, I'm so glad you called." "I was just going to call you." "Oh." "Omar, we've got to take those steps we discussed once, you know." "Yes." "I want you to make all the arrangements." "Yes." "By all means, yes." "That was Omar." "We've been neglecting the judge lately." "Veta, do you know that it's been weeks since Harvey and I've been up to his office?" "Let's go tomorrow, shall we?" "Elwood, you and I may take a little ride later." "Oh!" "I'd like that." "Yes." "Only the other day Harvey said," ""You know, it's certainly been a long time since we've been for a drive."" "You're very sweet and thoughtful." "Now don't forget to wait for me, Elwood." "I'll be right back." "Make yourself comfortable, Harvey." "There." "All right?" "Veta wants to talk to us." "She says it's very important." "I think she wants to congratulate us on the impression we made at her party." "Jane Austen." "Sense and Sensibility." "Hmm?" "Oh..." "Random House." "No, no, deluxe edition." "Usual acknowledgements." "Chapter One." ""The family of Dashwood had been long settled in Sussex."" "Will you wait here for me, Elwood, dear?" "You want both of us to wait, Veta?" "Oh, yes, Elwood, both of you." "I won't be long." "Driver, driver, will you keep an eye on him, please?" "I won't be but a minute." "Oh." "Charming place, isn't it, Harvey?" "Name's Henry." "It's Henry, Harvey." "No, just plain Henry." "Oh!" "My name's Dowd, Elwood P." "Here, let me give you one of my cards." "If you should ever want to call me, call me at this number." "Don't call me at that one." "That's the old one." "If you happen to lose the card, don't worry, I have plenty more." "Mrs. O. R. Simmons, 348 Temple Drive." "Is that right?" "Yes." "We were born and raised there." "It's old, but we love it." "It's our home." "And you wish to enter your brother here at the sanitarium for treatment?" "What is your brother's name?" "It's..." "Oh, dear." "Mrs. Simmons, what is your brother's name?" "I'm sorry." "Life is not easy for any of us." "It's Dowd." "Elwood P. Dowd." "Elwood P. Dowd." "His age?" "Forty-two the 24th of last April." "He's Taurus, Taurus the bull." "I'm Leo, and Myrtle's on the cusp." "You have him with you now?" "Oh, yes." "He's outside waiting in a taxi cab." "I told him to wait." "He always does what I tell him." "I see." "Is he married?" "No, Elwood never married." "He always stayed with Mother." "He was a great home boy." "He loved his home." "Yeah?" "Wilson, there's a Mr. Dowd outside in a cab." "Will you ask him if he'll be good enough to step up to Room 24, South Wing G?" "Ask him?" "Wilson, this is his sister, Mrs. Simmons." "Oh!" "How do?" "Why, certainly." "I'll be glad to escort him." "Now I'll see if Dr. Sanderson can see you, Mrs. Simmons." "Dr. Sanderson?" "I want to see Dr. Chumley himself." "Oh, but, Mrs. Simmons, Dr. Sanderson is the one who sees everybody." "Dr. Chumley sees no one." "I'll tell him you're here." "Isn't this wonderful, Veta?" "Okay, buddy." "Oh!" "Oh!" "You startled me." "I'm sorry, Mrs. Simmons." "I am Dr. Sanderson." "Miss Kelly tells me that you're concerned about your brother, Mr..." "Mr..." "The card, Miss Kelly." "Miss Kelly!" "The card, please." "Mr. Dowd?" "Elwood P. Dowd?" "Yes." "This way, Miss Simmons." "I'm sorry if I awakened you, Miss Kelly." "Oh, I'm so..." "I do hope you don't think I'm always as jumpy as this, but this is not easy for me, Doctor." "Naturally." "These things aren't easy for the families of the patients." "I understand." "Won't you sit down, Miss Simmons?" "Thank you." "Now tell me, how long has it been since you first noticed any peculiarity in your brother's actions?" "Well, as a baby, he was perfectly normal." "I know." "I was his big sister and I had to change him." "Babies do need changing, you know." "But I noticed that he seemed to be different after we came back after Mother had died." "Myrtle Mae and I came back from Des Moines to live with Elwood." "I could see that he..." " That he..." " That he what?" "Now take your time." "Don't strain." "Just let it come." "I'll wait for it." "Doctor, everything I say to you is confidential, isn't it?" "I am not a gossip, Mrs. Simmons." "I am a psychiatrist." "Of course." "Well, for one thing, he drinks." "Mmm-hmm." "To excess?" "To excess?" "Well, don't you call it excess when a man never lets a day go by without stepping into some cheap tavern, bringing home a lot of riffraff, people you never heard of?" "If you don't call that excess, Doctor," "I'm sure I don't know what excess is." "I didn't doubt your statement, Mrs. Simmons." "I merely wanted to know if your brother drinks." "Well, yes, I say definitely, Elwood drinks." "Mmm-hmm." "And I want him committed out here permanently because I cannot stand another day of that Harvey!" "Don't you think it would have been a little bit kinder of Mother if she'd written us about him?" "Doctor, now, be honest." "Don't you?" "Well, I really couldn't answer that question." "Well, I can." "Yes, it certainly would have." "Yes." "Now this person that you call Harvey, now who is he?" "He's a rabbit." "Yes, perhaps." "But, uh, just who is he?" "Someone your brother picked up in one of these bars?" "Doctor, I've been telling you, Harvey is a rabbit." "A big white rabbit six feet high." "Or is it six-feet-three-and-a-half?" "Heaven knows, I ought to know." "He's been around the house long enough." "Mrs. Simmons, if I'm not mistaken..." "Doctor, don't you understand?" "The rabbit's name is Harvey." "Harvey lives at our house." "Elwood buys theatre tickets and railroad tickets for both of them." "He's lost interest in everything else." "And here I am trying to get Myrtle Mae started with a nice group of young people." "That's my daughter." "Doctor, I'm going to tell you something" "I've never told anyone in this world before." "Not even Myrtle Mae." "Every once in a while, I see this big white rabbit myself!" "Now isn't that terrible?" "And what's more, he's every bit as big as Elwood says he is!" "Now don't ever tell that to anybody, Doctor." "I'm ashamed of it." "Mrs. Simmons, I can see that you've been under a great nervous strain lately." "You just try living with those two and see how much of a strain it is." "Your mother's death, it depressed you considerably." "Nobody knows how much." "Now, don't you worry, Mrs. Simmons." "I'm going to help you." "Oh, Doctor." "Miss Kelly." "Miss Kelly?" "Wilson?" "Wilson!" "Now don't you move, Mrs. Simmons." "You just sit there and make yourself comfortable." "I'll only be a minute." "Yes." "Wilson?" "Wilson!" "Hello?" "Oh, lady, you told me to keep an eye on that fella, but a big guy in a white coat came along..." "That's quite all right." "You just wait." "Do you want I should do something about his suitcase?" "Oh!" "Elwood's things." "Yes, well, I better come get them, I guess." "He might need them." "Oh, dear, it would be awful if he should get hurt and..." "She picked a fine time to leave her desk just when I've got a new patient in my office." "Mrs. Simmons?" "Mrs. Simmons!" "Sound the gong." "Wilson, that poor woman mustn't leave the grounds." "Made a getaway, huh, Doc?" "Her condition is serious." "Go after her and take her to 13 Upper West R." "Right." "Where is she?" "That little dame that just come out here, where'd she go?" "She's picking some posies." "She wants to bring them to somebody inside." " Say, Mac." " Yeah?" "Is it safe for me to wait around?" "I don't see no bars on these windows." "Don't need them." "Anybody tries to climb through those windows will sound like a three-alarm fire." "Hello, sweetheart." "Well, well." "Those for me?" "For you?" "I should say not." "They're for my brother Elwood." "He's devoted to ranunculus." "Sure." "Wouldn't you like to come inside and pick some off the wallpaper?" "No, thank you." "These will do nicely." "Good day." "Lady." "Come, lady." " Now, really, I..." " There's a man inside wants to talk to you." "No, I don't..." "No!" "No!" "You let me go!" "Help!" "Help!" "Police!" "Now what do we want with the police, love boat?" "They're no fun." "You let me go!" "I'm a respectable woman!" "That's for sure." "Now come on, lady, be nice or I'll have to pick you up and carry you." "Help me!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Dr. Sanderson!" "Judge Gaffney!" "How about giving me a hand here, beautiful?" "I'll sit on her." "You can strip her clothes off." "You'll have to wait, Fisher." "I've got to give some guy a bubble bath." "Okay, honey, but make it snappy." "Somebody..." "Somebody..." "Somebody help me!" "Somebody help me!" "Doc, that Simmons dame's all set." "Yeah, no trouble at all." "That's fine." "I'll be right up and prescribe some preliminary treatment." "Don't you ever stay in your office, Miss Kelly?" "I needed you." "I had to give a hypo to Upper 9." "I want you to telephone this Elwood P. Dowd right away." "His sister's condition is serious." "But, Doctor, I..." "He'll have to sign these commitment papers for her." "But I didn't know the woman needed the treatment." "She said it was her brother." "Of course she did." "That's the oldest dodge in the world." "Always used by a cunning type of psychopath." "She knew her brother was about to commit her, so she came here to discredit him." "Get him on the phone, please." "But, Doctor, I thought the woman was all right, so I had Wilson take the brother up to number 24 South Wing G." "He's there now." "You had Wilson take the brother in?" "Come on, Miss Kelly, no gags, please." "You're not serious, are you?" "I did, Doctor." "I did." "Doctor, I'm terribly sorry." "Oh, you're terribly sorry." "That's fine!" "That fixes everything!" "That's just wonderful!" "Oh, no!" "Kelly!" "Kelly, do you realize what you've done?" "This man Dowd can sue us for false commitment!" "He can own the whole sanitarium!" "And I'll be kicked outta here faster than you can say, "Stupid, incompetent and inefficient."" "So I'll tell Dr. Chumley you had nothing to do with it." "It was all my fault." "You're the last person in the world" "I'd ever want anything like this to happen to." "You know that, don't you, Dr. Sanderson?" "Miss Kelly, this is hardly the time or place to go into the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet." "Lately, Doctor, there's never any time or place!" "Jeepers!" "They may be putting him in the hydro room right now." "Get up there quick and see if you can get him down here." "I'll break the news gently to Dr. Chumley." "He may want to handle this himself." "What shall I say to Mr. Dowd?" "What'll I do?" "He'll probably be so furious, he'll refuse to come down here." "Look, Miss Kelly, he's probably fit to be tied, but he's a man, isn't he?" "I guess so." "His name is "Mister"." "Then go into your routine." "You know, the eyes, the swish, the works!" "I'm immune to it, but I've seen it work on some people, some of the patients out here." "Now you get him down here, Kelly, if you have to do a striptease." "Dr. Chumley, I'm afraid there's been a serious error." "Dr. Sanderson, we don't permit errors in this institution." "Mr. Dowd?" "Elwood P. Here, let me give you one of my cards." "Mr. Dowd, I'm Miss Kelly." "I'm at the reception desk downstairs." "I'm happy to know you, Miss Kelly." "Thank you, Mr. Dowd." "I was wondering if you would come downstairs with me, please, to Dr. Sanderson's office." "There's something he'd like to explain to you." "Uh-huh." "I'd be glad to, Miss Kelly." "But there was another very charming girl in here a minute ago, and she asked me to wait." "She said something about a bath." "I don't like to disappoint her." "She seemed to have her heart set on it." "That was Miss Dunphy." "It's quite all right, Mr. Dowd." "Dr. Sanderson will explain everything..." "Here we are." "Mr. Dowd, you haven't peeled yet." "And I regret this, Miss Dunphy, but Miss Kelly here seems to want me to go with her." "Miss Kelly, you've met Miss Dunphy?" "Yes, of course." "I want both of you to meet a very dear..." "It seems there's been a mistake." "Just forget everything." "I have a suggestion." "Why don't I do what she wants and then go with you?" "That won't be necessary, Mr. Dowd." "All right." "Goodbye, my dear." "You could've had a bath, too." "I've already had a bath." "Oh, Miss Kelly, I wasn't speaking to you." "I was speaking to my..." "Mr. Dowd, I take a bath every morning just before I go on duty." "It's always such a pleasant way to start the day." "After you." "Mr. Dowd?" "Elwood P." "Here, let me give you one of my cards." "I am Dr. Lyman Sanderson, Dr. Chumley's assistant out here." "And I..." "Good for you." "Happy to know you, Doctor." "I asked Miss Kelly to bring you down here..." "Isn't she lovely?" "Isn't she..." "You're very lovely, my dear." "Why, thank you, Mr. Dowd." "Some people don't seem to think so." "Well, some people are blind." "That's very often brought to my attention." "And now I'd like both of you to meet a very dear friend of mine..." "Now why don't we sit down?" "Won't you have a chair, Mr. Dowd?" "Oh, thank you very much." " Please, sit down." " After Miss Kelly." "No, really, Mr. Dowd." "I couldn't." "I'm in and out all the time." "But you sit down, please." " After you." " Sit down, Kelly!" "Anything we can do for you, Mr. Dowd?" "What did you have in mind?" " Is your chair comfortable?" " Mmm?" "Is the chair quite comfortable, Mr. Dowd?" "Yes." "Would you care to try it?" "No, no, no, thank you." "How about a cigarette?" " No, thank you." " Yes, a cigarette..." "Mr. Dowd, you have us at a disadvantage here." "Now you know it and we know it, so let's lay our cards on the table." "That certainly appeals to me, Doctor." "Best thing in the long run." "You know, people are people no matter where you go." "That is very often the case." "And being human, are therefore liable to make mistakes." "Miss Kelly and I, we've made a mistake here this afternoon and we'd like to explain it to you." "You see, the truth is..." "You and Miss Kelly here?" "Yes." "Out here this afternoon?" "Yes, Mr. Dowd." "We hope you'll understand." "Oh, yes, yes." "These things are often the basis of a very long, warm friendship." "It wasn't Dr. Sanderson's fault, Mr. Dowd." "It was mine." "Oh, no, the responsibility is all mine." "Your attitude may be old-fashioned, Doctor, but I like it, like it very much." "Of course, if I had seen your sister first, this would've been an entirely different story." "Now there you surprise me." "I think the world and all of Veta, but I had supposed she'd seen her day." "You mustn't attach too much blame to her, Mr. Dowd." "You see, she's a very sick woman." "Why, she came in here insisting that you needed treatment." "That's perfectly ridiculous." "Veta shouldn't be upset about me." "I get along fine." "She was extremely upset and plunged right away into a heated tirade about your drinking." "Ah." "That was Veta." "I tell Veta not to worry about that." "I'll take care of that." "Exactly." "I suppose that you take a drink now and then, like the rest of us." "Mmm..." "Yes." "Yes, I do, Doctor." "As a matter of fact, I'd like one right now." "As a matter of fact, so would I." "But her reaction to the whole matter was entirely too intense." "Does she drink, Mr. Dowd?" "Oh, no." "Oh, no." "No, I don't think Veta's ever taken a drink, Doctor." "I am going to surprise you." "I think she has and does constantly." "She..." "Is that so?" "Well, I certainly am surprised at that." "But her alcoholism isn't the basis for my diagnosis." "It was when she became so emotional about this big white rabbit, Harvey." "Yes, I believe she called him Harvey." "Harvey's his name." "Doctor, before we go any further, I must insist that you and Miss Kelly allow me to introduce you to a friend..." "Let me make my point, please, Mr. Dowd." "I think that your sister's condition stems from trauma." "From what?" "Trauma." "Spelled T-R-A-U-M-A." "It means shock." "There's nothing unusual about it." "There's the birth trauma, or the shock of being born." "That's the one we never get over." "You have a very nice sense of humour, Mr. Dowd." " Hasn't he, Miss Kelly?" " Oh, he certainly has." "May I say the same for both of you." "To sum it up, your sister's condition is serious, but I can help her." "She must, however, remain out here temporarily." "Uh-huh." "Well, I've always wanted Veta to have everything she needs." "Exactly." "But I wouldn't want her to stay out here unless she likes it out here and wants to stay here." "If this were an ordinary delusion, something reflected on the memory picture, that would be one thing." "But this, this is much more serious." "It stands to reason no one has ever seen a white rabbit six feet high." "Not very often, Doctor." "So she must be committed here temporarily." "Under the circumstances, I'd commit my own grandmother." "Does your grandmother drink, too?" "That's just an expression." "Now here are the commitment papers for you to sign, and here's a visitor's pass." "You can come and see her whenever you like." "Well, I think maybe you better have Veta do this, Doctor." "She always does all the signing and managing for our family." "She's good at it." "I'll have your family lawyer take care of it." "Judge Gaffney." "He's already telephoned us in connection with this matter." " Is that so?" " Yes." "You know, I like you, Dowd." "Well, I like you too, Doctor." "And Miss Kelly here." "I certainly do like you." "Why, thank you, Mr. Dowd." "You two have been so pleasant, why don't we just keep on going with it?" "I'd like to invite you to come downtown with me and we'll go to a charming little place called Charlie's and we'll have a drink." "Well, I'm sorry, but we're on duty now." "Give us a rain check on it." "Some other time, we'd be glad to." "When?" "Well, I can't say offhand." "Miss Kelly and I are on duty until 10:00 tonight." "10:00 will be fine." "I'll be waiting for you." "It's at 12th and Main." "If we can make it." "I'll be waiting." "The four of us will spend a very pleasant evening together." "I want both of you to become friends with a very dear friend of mine." " But you said later on, didn't you?" " Yes, yes." "All right, later on it'll be." "Goodbye." "Goodbye, Mr. Dowd." "Boy, that was a close shave!" "But he seemed like a reasonable sort of a fellow." "You handled him beautifully, Doctor." "You were wonderful." "Psychology." "Specialized training." "Takes years of it." "Good afternoon, Mrs. Chumley." "Good afternoon, Herman." "Stop the car a moment, Leslie." "Yoo-hoo!" "Yoo-hoo!" "Is there something I can do for you?" "What did you have in mind?" "You were walking on my husband's prized dahlias." "I'm Mrs. Chumley, Dr. Chumley's wife." "Oh!" "Dowd's my name." "Elwood P. Let me give you one of my..." "You looking for someone over there?" "Yes." "I'm looking for my friend Harvey." "I turned my back for an instant and he seems to have wandered off." "Oh." "I wish you could meet him, Mrs. Chumley." "I'm sure he'd be quite taken with you." "Oh, thank you." "You're very nice to say so." "Not at all." "Not at all." "Mrs. Chumley, would you care to come downtown with me?" "I'd be happy to buy you a drink." "Oh, I can't." "My husband and I are going to a cocktail party." "Dr. McClure is giving a party for his sister from Wichita." "Oh." "I didn't know Dr. McClure had a sister in Wichita." "Then you know Dr. McClure?" " No." " But you..." "But are you sure you wouldn't have time to come downtown with me and have a drink?" "No, I can't." "I'll tell you what I'll do, however." "What will you do, however?" "I'm interested." "If I meet your friend inside," "I'll be glad to give him a message for you." "Would you do that for me?" "I certainly would appreciate that." "Just tell him to meet me downtown, if he has no other plans." "Any particular place downtown?" "No, he knows where." "Harvey knows this town like a book." "But how will I recognize your friend?" "You can't miss him, Mrs. Chumley." "He's a pooka." "A pooka?" "Is that something new?" "No, no." "As I understand it, that's something very old." "But Harvey's not only a pooka, he's also my best friend." "If Harvey's said to me once," "I'll bet he's said, oh, probably a million times, he said, "Mr. Dowd, I would do anything for you."" "How sweet." "Yeah." "He's also very fond of my sister Veta." "But Veta doesn't seem to care for Harvey." "Now don't you think that's rather too bad, Mrs. Chumley?" "I don't know, Mr. Dowd." "I gave up long ago expecting my family to like my friends." "It's useless." "We must keep on trying though, mustn't we?" " Oh, yes." " Goodbye, my dear." "Goodbye." "Leslie, did he say, "pooka"?" "Yes, ma'am." "That's what the man said." " Your pass?" " Oh." "There you are." " Dowd." " Elwood P." "Isn't that interesting." "Yes, I constructed this myself." "Is that so?" "I declare." "It's very simple." "See?" "Closed." "Opened." "You're a very brilliant man." "Thank you." "My name is Herman Shimelplatzer, but everybody just calls me Herman." "You're to be congratulated, Mr. Shimelplatzer." "Thank you." "Would you care to come over to my house for dinner tomorrow night?" "I'm having a few friends in, just informally." "I certainly would." "That's very nice of you, Mr. Dowd." "Here, let me give you one of my cards." "Now if you should want to call me, call me at this number." "Don't call me at that one." "That's the old one." "Goodbye." "That's remarkable." "I hate to take you away like this, Willie, but we did promise Dr. McClure we'd be there early." "One moment, angel." "My hat and coat, Miss Kelly." "Yes, Dr. Chumley." " Dr. Sanderson." " Yes, Doctor?" "I'm leaving for the day." "About the difficulty of this woman with the big white rabbit." "Has it been smoothed over?" " Yes, Doctor." " Good." "While I've had many patients out here with animals," "I've never before had a patient with an animal that large." "Yes, Doctor." "She called him Harvey." "Unusual name for an animal of any kind." "I want her to have a hypo at 6:00, with another one at 9:00." "Willie..." "Yes, yes, I'm coming." "My formula, 9-7-7." " Yes, Doctor." " Listen, Willie..." "Hey, now look." "Now somebody's gonna have to give me a hand with that Simmons dame." "She's terrible!" "I had to take her corset off all by myself." "Hiya, Dr. Chumley." "How's every little..." "Hey, what's with you and that hat?" " Hat?" " Here's your hat, Dr. Chumley." "I'm wearing my hat." "Willie, dear, a few minutes ago, there was something..." "This isn't my hat." "Must be yours, Doctor." "No, Doctor, mine is..." "Mine is..." "Of course it's not yours." "Angel, I'd like to say..." "No, dear, of course it's not yours." " But whose hat is it?" " He won't let me talk." "Look at this." "Two holes cut in the crown." "It's probably some new fad." "Perhaps Mr. Dowd left it here, sir." " Dowd?" " Yes, see, that's what I..." "That's Mrs. Simmons' brother, Doctor." "I gave him a pass." "Willie, dear, that's what I've been trying to tell you." "A few minutes ago, I met a gentleman at the gate." "His name was Dowd." "He said he was looking for a friend of his named Harvey." "Harvey?" "Yes." "Yes, Harvey." "Holy smoke!" "I left the water running on that Simmons dame in a hydro tub!" "Why are you looking at me like that, Willie?" "He was a nice, polite man." "He said his friend was a pooka." "Whatever that is." "Give me Upper West R, quick." "Where did he go, Mrs. Chumley?" "He went downtown." "Hello, Dunphy, I left that Simmons dame soaking in 13." "Do me a favour, will you, honey?" "Turn off the juice." "So you gave him a pass, Dr. Sanderson." "Perhaps they neglected to tell you at medical school that a rabbit has large pointed ears?" "Do you know what you've done?" "You've allowed a psychopathic case to walk out of here and roam around with an overgrown white rabbit!" "You've laid me open to a lawsuit." "I shall have to do something I haven't done for 15 years." "I'll have to go after this man, Dowd, and bring him back!" "But when I do, Dr. Sanderson, your connection with this institution will have ended as of that moment." " Wilson, get the car." " Yeah, Doctor." "I'm sorry, pet, but you'll have to go to the McClures' without me." "Take a cab." "You two, get that woman out of the tub!" " Yes, sir." " Willie?" "I'm going to call my attorney." " Wilson." " Yes, ma'am." " What's a pooka?" " What's a what?" "A pooka." " A pooka?" " Uh-huh." "You can search me, Mrs. Chumley." "P." "O." "Poo..." "Pooka!" "Oh, dear, I'm already late for the McClures'." "I did promise them I'd be on time." ""P-O-O-K-A." ""Pooka." "From old Celtic mythology." ""A fairy spirit in animal form." ""Always very large." ""The pooka appears here and there," ""now and then," ""to this one and that one." ""A benign but mischievous creature." ""Very fond of rumpots, crackpots." ""And how are you, Mr. Wilson?"" ""How are you, Mr. Wilson"?" "Who in the encyclopedia wants to know?" "Wilson, let's go." "Dr. Chumley, the screwiest thing..." "I know, I know, and believe me, heads will roll." "But, Dr. Chumley, I was looking..." "Quick, downtown." "Step on it." "Where's your mother?" "Where is she?" "She took Uncle Elwood out to the sanitarium." "I thought you knew." "She just called me on the phone at the club." "She's hysterical." " Where's your phone?" " In the library." "What on Earth was Mother hysterical about?" "I don't know." "I couldn't make out what she was talking about." "She was carrying on something fierce." "Where's the number of that sanitarium?" "I'll look it up, but I don't know what Mother had to carry on about." "All she had to do was have Uncle Elwood locked up." "Maybe that's it." "You know, I feel bad about having Elwood locked up." "I always liked that boy." "He could've done anything, been anything, made a place for himself in the community." "And all he did was get a big rabbit." "Yeah, I know." "He's had that rabbit up in my office many a time." "I'm old, but I don't miss much." "What's the name of this place?" "Chumley's what?" "Chumley's Rest." "Yeah, Elwood had everything." "Brains, personality and friends." "Men liked him." "Women liked him." "I liked him." "Women liked him?" "Uncle Elwood?" " Mother!" " Myrtle!" "Veta Louise!" "What's wrong, girl?" "I thought I'd never see either of you again." "Take hold of her, Judge." "She looks like she's going to faint." " Not so fast." " Don't rush her, Myrtle." "Ease her in." "Get me where I can sit down." "There you are, girl." "Get her some tea, Myrtle." "Let me sit down somewhere." "I'll get you some tea, Mother." "Do you want some tea?" "No." "I don't want any tea." "The minute their backs were turned," "I ran like a frightened rabbit." "Oh, I didn't mean to say that!" "I don't know what I'm saying." "Just let me sit here." "Let me get my breath." "Let her get her breath." "Let me get my breath and then let me get upstairs to my own bed where I can let go." "Mother, what happened to you?" "Omar, I want you to sue them." "They put me in and let Elwood out." " What's this?" " Mother!" "As I was going down to the taxi cab to get Elwood's things, this awful man stepped out." "He was a white slaver, I know he was." "He was wearing one of those white suits." "That's how they advertise." "The man, what did he do?" "What did he do?" "He grabbed hold of me and he took me in there, and he..." "Oh." "Go on, Veta." "Go on, girl." "Mother..." "Go on, Mother." "Was he a young man?" "Myrtle Mae, perhaps you'd better leave the room." "Now?" "I should say not." "Go on, Mother." "What'd he do, Veta?" "He took me upstairs and he tore my clothes off." "Did you hear that, Judge?" "Go on, Mother." "And then he dumped me down in a tub of water." "Oh, for heaven's sake!" "By Godfrey, I'll sue them for this!" "I always thought that what you were showed in your face." "Don't you believe it, Judge, don't you believe it, Myrtle Mae." "That man grabbed hold of me as though I was a woman of the streets." "But I fought." "I always said that if a man jumped at me, I'd fight." "Haven't I always said that, Myrtle Mae?" "Yes, she's always said that, Judge." "That's what Mother's always told me to do." "Well, he hustled me into the sanitarium and dumped me down in that tub of water and treated me as though I was a..." "A what?" "A crazy woman." "But he did that just for spite." "Well, I'll be swizzled!" "And then one of those doctors came upstairs and asked me a lot of questions." "All about sex urges and all that filthy stuff." "That place ought to be cleaned up, Judge." "You ought to get the authorities to clean it up." "Don't you ever go out there." "You hear me, Myrtle Mae?" "This stinks to high heaven, girl." "By Godfrey, it stinks." "Judge Gaffney, is that all those doctors do in places like that," " think about sex?" " I don't know." "Because if it is, they ought to be ashamed of themselves." "It's all in their heads anyway." "Why don't they get out and take long walks in the fresh air?" "Judge Gaffney walked everywhere for years, didn't you, Judge?" "Did you?" "I better take some notes on this." "You said one of the doctors came up to talk to you?" "Yes." "Dr. Sanderson." "But don't pay any attention to anything he says." "He's a liar." "Close-set eyes." "They're always liars." "Besides, I told him something in strictest confidence and he blabbed it." "You can't trust anyone!" "What did you tell him, Mother?" "Well, I..." "What difference does it make?" "I don't want to think about it." "I don't want to talk about it." "Anything you told Dr. Sanderson, you can tell us, Veta Louise." "This is your daughter, and I'm your lawyer." "I know which is which." "I don't want to talk about it." "I want to sue them." "And I want to get upstairs to my own bed." "I should never have tried to do anything about Elwood." "Something protects him." "That awful pooka." "Where is Uncle Elwood?" "How should I know?" "They let him go!" "They're not interested in men at places like that." "You ought to know that, Myrtle Mae." "Don't be so naive." "Mother, no matter who jumped at you, we still have to find Uncle Elwood and lock him up." "The next time, you take him, Judge." "Oh, wait till Elwood hears what they did to me." "He won't stand for it." "You've got to sue them, Judge." "Myrtle Mae, I hope that never, never, as long as you live, a man tears the clothes off you and sets you down in a tub of water." "There he is!" "There he is now!" " He's after me!" " Stay where you are, young man!" "Knock him down, Judge." "Kick him!" "Kick him!" "Don't let him get me!" "Veta, please." "I want you to confront this man with your charges." "Hey, I don't want no part of that wacky dame." "I'm looking for that other screwball." "He's gotta go back to Chumley's Rest." "Kick him, Judge!" "Veta, did you hear that?" "Did you hear that, Veta?" "Where is he?" "Where is this guy, Elwood P. Dowd?" "That screwball with a rabbit." "What's the matter, you goofy too?" "You a member of this cock-eyed family?" "I'm Mrs. Simmons' daughter and Uncle Elwood is my uncle." "Now look, kid, I've been to four fires and 14 gin mills looking for that crackpot, and a bartender give me a tip he was here." "Came with a bundle." "Now, where is he?" "What'd you do with him?" "You hiding him?" "No, I'm not hiding him." "Hey, my name's Marvin Wilson, honey." "What's yours?" "Myrtle Mae." "And I'm not afraid of you." " Myrtle Mae, huh?" " Yeah." "You know, if we grab your uncle, you'll probably be coming out to the sanitarium on visiting days." "Really, I don't know..." "Well, if you do, I'll be there." "You will?" "If you don't see me right away, stick around for a little while." "I'll show up." " Won't you sit down?" " I got no time, kid." "I gotta find that uncle of yours and be on my way." "Now, where is he?" "Where'd you put him?" "I didn't put him anywhere." "I want you to catch him just as much as you want to catch him." "I can't even have any callers when he's around." "You shouldn't have any trouble about callers, honey." "Thank you very much." " Yeah, I'll tell you something, Myrt." " Yeah?" "You not only got a nice build, but you got something else, too." "Really?" "What?" "You got the screwiest uncle that ever stuck his puss inside our nuthouse." "Would you like a cup of coffee?" "Yeah, I can't, kid." "Dr. Chumley's checking all the police stations." "I better catch up with him." "You look awfully hungry, Mr. Wilson." "How about a sandwich?" "Yeah, but I don't want that crazy dame on my neck." "Don't worry about Mother." "She won't come down right away." "She's too frightened." "Would you like a ham and rye?" "How about an egg and onion?" "I'd love to make you an egg and onion." "The eggs and onions are waiting for you in the kitchen." "Suppose we go in the kitchen, Mr. Wilson." "You can relax and be yourself in there." "Do you like your work, Mr. Wilson?" "I do now, Myrtle, I do now!" "Charlie's Place?" "Oh, Mr. Cracker." "Mr. Cracker, this is Elwood P. Dowd speaking." "Tell me, have you seen Harvey?" "Uh-huh." "Well, don't worry." "I'll find him." "And Mr. Cracker, I'm entertaining some friends down there tonight at 10:00." "May I have my regular booth?" "Oh, fine." "Thank you." "Goodbye." "Harvey!" "Harvey?" " Hello?" " Come on, Myrtle." "Don't you wanna come back in the kitchen and get acquainted?" " I thought I heard voices." " Come on." "What kind of voices?" "Come on, Myrtle, I wanna talk to you." "It sounded something like, "Harvey."" ""Harvey"?" "Well, I'd better get going, Myrtle." "But, Marvin, you haven't finished your egg and onion." "Business before pleasure, honey, even if it's a pleasure being with you." "You make a great egg and onion, kid." "Don't you want to come back to the kitchen for some more?" "I'll see you tomorrow, Myrtle, out at the nuthouse." "But, Marvin, you didn't finish your sandwich." "Wilson!" "What happened to you?" " He's not here, Doctor." " Then what are you doing here?" " I was just having a little..." " What are you eating?" "An egg and onion sandwich." "How can you think of food at a time like this?" "Get over to Union Station." "I'm told this fellow Dowd goes down there to watch trains." " Yeah, all right, Doctor." " But, Marvin..." "Why did you send him away?" "Some people can certainly pick the best times to keep other people from becoming acquainted." "No, my dear..." "Oh, Judge Gaffney." "Chumley, just the man I want to see." "Mrs. Simmons has just retained me to file suit against you." "You know, I've been searching..." "File suit?" "I'm on my way to the office to draw up the necessary papers." "Judge Gaffney, what happened this afternoon was an unfortunate mistake, but I've dismissed my assistant..." "We shall see what we shall see." "Now, please, there must be some way..." "You'll hear from me in the morning." "Goodbye." "But surely, Judge..." "This is most unfortunate." "Most unfortunate." "Oh, Judge Gaffney?" "Judge Gaffney, I want..." "Why, you're not Judge Gaffney." "You have much more hair than he has." "Besides, I never forget a face." "I'm Dr. Chumley." "You're Mrs. Simmons, of course." "Yes, of course." "I'm glad to know you, Dr. Chumley." "Would you mind asking Judge Gaffney to come back?" "Why, certainly." "Certainly." "I want to tell him to sue you for $100,000." "I don't think 50,000 is enough." "Mrs. Simmons, can't we talk this matter over?" "After what happened to me today in the bathtub and everything?" "I don't want to talk it over!" "Then will you please just listen?" "I don't want to listen to you." "I'm suing you." "Mrs. Simmons, please listen to me, I beg of you." "I'll listen, all right." "But I'm warning you, it won't do you any good." "Hello." "No, I am not listening to my radio." "I am listening to Dr. Chumley." "I just told him so." "Mrs. Simmons, that picture over the mantle?" "That portrait of my mother, Doctor, happens to be the pride of this house." "Who painted it?" "Oh, some man." "I forget his name." "He was around here for the sittings and then we paid him and he went away." "Yes, I suppose if you have the money, you can persuade people to do anything." "Now, Dr. Chumley, you brought this up." "You might as well learn something quickly." "I took a course in art last winter." "I learned the difference between a fine oil painting and a mechanical thing, like a photograph." "The photograph shows only the reality." "The painting shows not only the reality, but the dream behind it." "It's our dreams, Doctor, that carry us on." "They separate us from the beasts." "I wouldn't want to go on living if I thought it was all just eating and sleeping and taking my clothes off." "I mean, putting them on." "Oh, Doctor!" "Mrs. Simmons, steady now, steady." "Don't upset yourself." "Everything's going to be all right." "What's the matter?" "Doctor, that is not my mother!" "I'm very glad to hear that." "Elwood's been here." "He's been here, Doctor!" "Now, now, better be quiet." "I'll take it." "Hello?" "Yes?" "Yes." "Who's calling?" "He's here!" "It's your brother!" "Let me talk to him." "Now be careful." "Don't let him know that I'm here." "Be casual." "Yes." "Yes, I'll be casual." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "Hello, Elwood." "Where are you, dear?" "I'm here, Veta." "Is Harvey there?" "He won't say where he is." "He wants to know if Harvey's here." "Tell him Harvey is here." "But he isn't." "I know that, but pretend he is." "Say he is." "We've got to humour him." "Hello, Elwood." "Yes, dear, Harvey's here." "Why don't you come home?" "It won't work." "He wants us to call Harvey to the telephone." "Say Harvey's here, but he can't come to the phone because he's in the bathtub." "Oh, Doctor!" "You've got to do it, Mrs. Simmons." "Elwood, yes, dear, Harvey is here, but he can't come to the telephone." "He's in the bathtub." "I'll send him over as soon as he's dry." "Where are you, dear?" "I'm..." "I'm..." "Never mind, Veta." "Harvey just walked in the door down here." "Yeah..." "Mr. Cracker, two Martinis." "Goodbye, Veta." "You'd better look in the bathtub." "It must be a stranger." "He says that Harvey just walked through the door." "It must be a stranger in the bathtub." "But I know where he is." "He's at Charlie's Place." "That's a bar over at 12th and Main." "12th and Main." "That's two over and one down." "Yes." "Where are you going, Doctor?" "I'm going to go over and get your brother and bring him back." "Take him to the sanitarium where he belongs." "I want to observe the expression on his face when he talks to this rabbit." " He does talk to the rabbit?" " They tell each other everything." "Good." "What?" "I said, yes, he talks to him." "But, Doctor, don't go out there." "You'll regret it if you do." "Nonsense, Mrs. Simmons." "You underestimate me." "No, no, you underestimate my brother." "Don't worry." "I can handle him." "You can handle him?" "That's what you think." "Myrtle Mae, see who the stranger is in the bathtub." "Oh." "Sounds funny, but I'll miss this place." "I guess I'll miss a lot of things around here." "You will?" "You won't laugh?" "Of course not." "You know how it is working around people day after day." "You sort of get attached to them." "I know, Lyman." "It may be ridiculous, but I'm gonna miss every one of the psychos and the neuros and schizos in the place." "I guess I'll even miss Dr. Chumley." "In spite of the fact that he fired me," "I have a genuine admiration for him." "You can miss your psychos and schizos, Dr. Sanderson!" "You can miss whomever you please." "But after you leave here, I won't miss a thing, not a single, solitary thing!" " Now what's wrong?" " Nothing." "I came down here to say goodbye to you." "So goodbye, good luck and good riddance!" "You can't even say goodbye without putting it on a personal basis." "Oh, don't flatter yourself, Doctor." "There's nothing personal about this." "I think you've been working too hard, Kelly." "You're getting neurotic." "Now don't start analysing me." "Save your psychiatry for your next job!" "I'm not using psychiatry, Miss Kelly." "And let me give you a little friendly advice." "That chip on your shoulder stems from a persecution complex that undoubtedly goes back to childhood." "Thanks so much for the case history, Doctor." "Now could you tell me what an overinflated ego stems from?" "Now, listen here!" "Hiya, Kelly." "Hiya, Doc." "Hey, I'm glad I caught you before you left." "I'm sorry you got bounced, and I wanna tell you we're all gonna miss you." "Thanks, Wilson." "Any of the patients been acting up, Kelly?" "Everything's just peachy." "That's good." "When are you taking off, Doc?" "Right now." "I was just waiting for Dr. Chumley to get back." "Hey, wait a second." "Didn't Dr. Chumley come back here with that psycho?" "We thought he was with you." "No." "I left him with that Simmons dame." "Then when I called back later to check with him, she told me the doctor went to bring her b..." "Hey, that was four hours ago!" "Have you any idea where he went?" " Yeah." "No!" " Come on, come on." "I don't know." "I can't think." "Poor Dr. Chumley may be laying in an alley in a pool of blood." "But Mr. Dowd seemed harmless enough this afternoon." "Listen, Kelly, I've been wrestling these guys for years, and they're pretty tricky." "You know, one minute they're sweet, and the next minute," "They give you the knife." " The name of the place, Wilson." " The name of the place?" " Yes." " It was a barroom, had a guy's name." "Charlie!" "Charlie's Place." "I remember..." "That's a lead." "We'll start from there." "Never mind, Dr. Sanderson." "I'll go with Wilson." "You needn't bother." "Now listen, Kelly, until Dr. Chumley comes back," "I'm still in charge here." "All right, but let's get going." "Let's not stand and argue about it." "Ow." "Yeah, this is the place." "Well, what'll it be, folks?" "We're looking for someone, two men." "Yeah, a tall, short one and a thin, fat one." "I'm so nervous, I don't know what I'm saying." "One man is short and middle-aged." "The other is much taller and younger." "They might have been here about four hours ago." "No, can't say that I have." "We've been running medium sizes all evening." "The tall man was soft-spoken and sort of polite." "His name is Dowd." "Oh, Dowd?" "Why didn't you say so?" "He's here now in the back booth." "Is he alone?" "There's two schools of thought, sir." "If that crackpot did anything to Dr. Chumley, I'll knock his teeth down..." "No rough stuff, Wilson." "Psychology." "I'll do the talking." "Well, I've been expecting you." "Where's the doctor?" "What'd you do with him?" "Wilson!" "Wilson, why don't you take a careful look around the place?" "Why don't you do that, Mr. Wilson?" "Although I don't believe it's for sale." "Miss Kelly, these are for you." "Why, thank you, Mr. Dowd." "A pleasure, my dear." "You know, Doctor, after what happened this afternoon, these flowers really should be from you, shouldn't they?" "Now, won't you join me?" "Oh, Mr. Dowd, I'm afraid we can't do that." "The situation has changed since this afternoon, but I urge you to have no resentment." "Dr. Chumley is your friend and he only wants to help you." "Isn't that nice." "I'd be very glad to help him." "We all must face reality, Dowd, sooner or later." "Uh-huh." "Well, I wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor." "And I'm happy to state I finally won out over it." "Mr. Dowd, where is Dr. Chumley?" "Not knowing, I cannot say." "Wish I could." "Miss Kelly, I don't like to see you standing." " Sit down, Kelly." " Would you..." "There we are." "Now, let's all have a drink." "Dr. Chumley did come in here to get you earlier this evening." "Yes." "Yes, he did." "And I was delighted to see him." "What'll it be, Mr. Dowd?" "Martinis?" "But that was four hours ago." "Where has the evening gone to?" "Four..." "Three Martinis, Mr. Cracker." "Hey, I've looked all over this joint." "There's no sign of the doctor." " What'd you do to him?" " That's what we're trying to find out." "What happened then, Mr. Dowd?" "Well, I then introduced Harvey to the doctor, and he sat down in the booth with us." "Let's see." "Harvey was sitting here, and the doctor sat opposite Harvey so he could look at him." "Who's Harvey?" "A white rabbit, six feet tall." "Six feet?" "Six feet, three and a half inches." "Now let's stick to the facts." "Now what happened after you introduced Dr. Chumley to Harvey?" "Well, Harvey suggested that I buy him a drink." "And knowing that he doesn't like to drink alone," "I suggested to Dr. Chumley that we join him." "Yes." " We joined him." " Go on." " We joined him again." " Yeah, then what?" "And then the other matter came up." "Yeah, now we're getting somewhere." "What other matter?" "Mr. Wilson, I don't like to see you standing." " Wouldn't you join us here?" " Who, me?" "Sit down, will you, Wilson?" "Sit right down here." "You say this other matter came up, Mr. Dowd." "Yes." "There was a beautiful blonde woman, name of Mrs. Smethills, and her escort, seated in the booth directly across from us." "Well Dr. Chumley went over to sit next to her, explaining to her that they had once met in Chicago." "Then her escort escorted Dr. Chumley back here to Harvey and me, and tried to point out that it would be better for Dr. Chumley to mind his own affairs." "Does he have any?" "Does he have any what?" " Does he have any affairs?" " How would I know?" "Shut up, Wilson!" "Go on, Mr. Dowd." "Well..." "Thank you, Mr. Cracker." "Mrs. Smethills' escort seemed to get more and more depressed as he kept looking at Dr. Chumley." "So Harvey and I felt that we should take the doctor somewhere else." "Harvey suggested Blondie's Chicken Inn, but the doctor wanted to go to Eddie's." "And while they were arguing about it," "I went up to the bar to order another drink." "And when I came back here, they were gone." "You don't believe that story about the doctor sitting here, talking to a big white rabbit, do you?" "Well, why not?" "Harvey was here." "At first, Dr. Chumley seemed a little frightened of Harvey, but that gave way to admiration as the evening wore on." ""The evening wore on."" "That's a very nice expression, isn't it?" "With your permission, I'll say it again." ""The evening wore on."" "And with your permission, I'm gonna knock your brains out." "Now look, you did something to Dr. Chumley, and I'm gonna find out what it is." "Stop it!" "Lyman!" "Wilson!" "For heaven's sake!" " All right!" "Want me to go outside?" " All right!" "Mr. Cracker?" "Mr. Cracker?" "Sure, Mr. Dowd." "Mr. Cracker, may I intercede for my friends?" "Youth and high spirits." "Time will take care of that." "Sure, Mr. Dowd." "Okay, boys, let them go." "Let them go." "If Mr. Dowd vouches for you, okay." "One more peep out of you, Wisenheimer, and I'll butter your necktie." " Yeah, fine." " All right, get back to your dancing." "Well, stimulating as all this is," "I think we all should have our drinks." "Here, Miss Kelly, sit down." "Here we are." "Dr. Sanderson." "You keep your eye on him." "I'm gonna check in those other two joints." "And Dr. Chumley better be there, pal, or else!" " Mr. Wilson?" " Yeah?" " Goodbye, Mr. Wilson." " Goodbye." "My regards to you and anybody else you happen to run into." "Mr. Dowd, can't you think of anything else that might help us to find the doctor?" "Miss Kelly, may I take hold of your hand?" "Yes, Mr. Dowd, if you want to." "We're all so worried." "Please try to think." "Please?" "For you, I'd do anything." "I'd almost be willing to live my life over again." "Almost." "But I've told it all." "You're sure?" "I'm quite sure." "But ask me again anyway, won't you?" "I liked that warm tone you had in your voice just then." "So did I." "Maybe we better go someplace else." "Miss Kelly seems to be a little unhappy." "No, let's stay here." "Kelly's all right." "Perhaps you'd like to dance, Miss Kelly." "All right, Mr. Dowd, if you'd like to." "Oh, not I. No." "I used to dance." "I haven't danced in years." "I'm sure Dr. Sanderson would love to dance with somebody as lovely as you." "Hmm?" "Would you, Miss Kelly?" " All right." " There we are." "It's been a long time since we've danced together." "Yes, a long time." "I'd forgotten what a wonderful dancer you were." "If we didn't have to humour Mr. Dowd, you wouldn't have remembered at all." "I'm not dancing with you to humour Mr. Dowd, Ruth." "We shouldn't have left him alone!" "Where are you going, Mr. Dowd?" "I was just looking for someone." "Why don't you come back inside?" "All right, if you want me to." "It seemed to be so pleasant out here." "You two look very nice dancing together." "I used to know a whole lot of dances." "The Flea Hop." "And what's the..." "Black Bottom." "The Varsity Drag." "I don't know." "I just don't seem to have any time anymore." "I have so many things to do." "What is it you do, Mr. Dowd?" "Harvey and I sit in the bars have a drink or two, play the jukebox." "And soon the faces of all the other people, they turn toward mine and they smile." "And they're saying, "We don't know your name, mister," ""but you're a very nice fellow."" "Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments." "We've entered as strangers." "Soon we have friends." "And they come over and they sit with us, and they drink with us, and they talk to us." "They tell about the big, terrible things they've done and the big, wonderful things they'll do." "Their hopes and their regrets, their loves and their hates, all very large" "because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar." "And then" "I introduce them to Harvey." "And he's bigger and grander than anything they offer me." "And..." "And when they leave, they leave impressed." "The same people seldom come back, but that's..." "That's envy, my dear." "There's a little bit of envy in the best of us." "And that's too bad, isn't it?" "How did you happen to call him Harvey?" "Harvey's his name." "How do you know that?" "There was a rather interesting coincidence on that, Doctor." "One night, several years ago," "I was walking early in the evening down along Fairfax Street." "It was between 18th and 19th." "I..." "Do you know the block?" "Yes, yes." "I'd just put Ed Hickey into a taxi." "Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin, and he..." "I just felt that he needed conveying." "Anyway, I was walking down along the street and I heard this voice saying," ""Good evening, Mr. Dowd."" "Well, I turned around and here was this big six-foot rabbit, leaning up against a lamppost." "I thought nothing of that because when you've lived in a town as long as I've lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name." "Naturally, I went over to chat with him." "And he said to me, he said," ""Ed Hickey was a little spiffed this evening." ""Or could I be mistaken?"" "Of course, he was not mistaken." "I think the world and all of Ed, but he was spiffed." "We talked like that for a while and then I said to him," "I said," ""You have the advantage on me." ""You know my name and I don't know yours."" "And right back at me, he said," ""What name do you like?"" "Well, I didn't even have to think twice about that." "Harvey's always been my favourite name." "So I said to him, I said, "Harvey"." "And, uh..." "This is the interesting thing about the whole thing." "He said, "What a coincidence." ""My name happens to be Harvey."" "Dowd, what was your father's name?" "John." "John Stuyvesant." "Tell me, Dowd, when you were a child, didn't you have a playmate?" "Someone with whom you spent many happy hours?" "Yes." "Yes, I did, Doctor." " Didn't you?" " Yes." "What was his name?" "Vern." "Vern McElhinney." " You ever know the McElhinneys, Doctor?" " No." "That's too bad." "There were a lot of them and they circulated." "Very nice people." "Just wonderful people." "Think carefully, Dowd." "Didn't you know somebody sometime, someplace, by the name of Harvey?" "Didn't you ever know anybody by that name?" "No." "No, not one, Doctor." "Maybe that's why I always had such hopes for it." "Hey, we looked in both of those joints, and Dr. Chumley ain't in either one of them." "I brought help." "What're you doing out here?" "Come on." "We're going back to the sanitarium." "Come, Elwood." "Very well, Lyman." "I'm afraid I won't be able to stay very long." "I must find Harvey." "Which one is Dowd?" "My name's Dowd, Elwood P." "Here, let me give you one of my cards." "Never mind the card!" "Wilson, what did I tell you?" "Coming, coming." " Who is it?" " It's me." "Open the gates quickly." "Oh!" "It's you, Doctor!" "I thought you'd gone for the night, Doctor." "I thought you'd gone." "Close them, Herman." "Close them." "Close the gates." "Are you all right, Doctor?" "I'm being followed." "Who's following you?" "None of your business." "Huh?" " You called me, Doctor?" " No." "No, I didn't." "No." "Everything's fine." "What's wrong?" "What happened, Herman?" "What's going on?" "The alarm went off." "Somebody must've come through a window." " Yes, Doctor." " Sanderson, he's after me." "Who's after you, Doctor?" "I don't see anyone." "I saw him." "He came through the window, followed me through it." "Who was it, Doctor?" "Who came through the window, Doctor?" " I won't tell you." " What's he talking about?" "Forget it." "I'm going to my office and I don't wish to be disturbed." ""Forget it," he says." "Not me." "I'm taking a look around this joint." "I'm gonna see what's going on." " It's locked." " Locked?" "Have you any extra keys, miss?" "Yes." "Yes, we have." "I'll get them." "Dr. Chumley, I went around the house and climbed in through the window." "I didn't see anybody." "Thank you, Wilson." "It's quite all right." "Everything's in order, thank you." "I'll be all right." "Dr. Chumley, if you need me, I'll..." "Holy smoke!" "We forgot about that crackpot." "He's probably roaming around loose!" " Excuse me." " Oh." "I got him, Doctor." "All right, buddy, let's go upstairs." "I wanna do your fingernails for you." "Very thoughtful of you." "Just a second, Wilson." "I'll take him." "Thank you, Doctor." "Oh..." "Miss Kelly." "Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower." "I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole." " Thank you, Mr. Dowd." " Okay, let's go." "One moment, please." "Dr. Chumley." "How nice to run into you again." "Tell me, how are you getting along with Harvey?" "Well..." "Mr. Dowd, I'd like to speak to you in my office alone, please." "Well, I'd like that too, Doctor, but I just promised this gentleman he could give me a manicure." "Of course, if you wouldn't mind waiting for few minutes, Mr. Wilson?" "No, not at all, Mr. Dowd." "Not at all." "Oh." "Excuse me." "You first." "Oh." "Okay." "Fine." "Mr. Dowd, won't you have a seat?" "Thank you." "Will you have a cigar?" "No, thank you, Doctor." "Is there anything I can do for you?" "What did you have in mind?" "Mr. Dowd, what kind of a man are you?" "Where do you come from?" "Didn't I give you one of my cards?" "And where on the face of this tired old Earth did you find a thing like him?" "You mean Harvey, the pooka?" "Yes, it's true, the things you told me tonight." " I know it now." " Yeah, yeah." "Yes, Harvey has several very interesting facets." "Did I tell you about Mrs. McElhinney?" "No." "She lives right next door to us." "Wonderful woman." "Well, Harvey told me last night that Mrs. McElhinney's Aunt Rose was going to drop in on her unexpectedly this morning from Cleveland." "And did she?" "Did she what?" "Aunt Rose." "Did she come, just as Harvey said she would?" "Oh, yes, yes." "Yes, these things always work out just the way Harvey says they will." "He's very, very versatile." "Did I tell you he could stop clocks?" "To what purpose?" "You've heard the expression, "His face would stop a clock."" "Well, Harvey can look at your clock and stop it." "And you can go anywhere you like with anyone you like and stay as long as you like." "And when you get back, not one minute will have ticked by." " You mean that he..." " You see..." "He can..." "You see, science has overcome time and space." "But Harvey has overcome not only time and space, but any objections." "Flyspecks!" "Flyspecks!" "I've been spending my life among flyspecks while miracles have been leaning on lampposts at 18th and Fairfax." "Tell me, Mr. Dowd, will he do this for you?" "Oh, he'd be willing at any time." "But so far I haven't been able to think of anyplace I'd rather be." "I always have a wonderful time wherever I am, whomever I'm with." "I'm having a fine time right here with you, Doctor." "Oh." "Oh, I..." "I know where I'd go." "Where?" "I'd go to Akron." "Akron." "Oh, yeah." "There's a cottage camp just outside Akron in a grove of maple trees." "Green, cool, beautiful." "That's my favourite tree." "I'd go there with a pretty woman." "Oh." "A strange woman, a quiet woman." "Oh." "Under a tree." "I wouldn't even want to know her name, while I would be just Mr. Smith." "And I would send out for cold beer." " No whiskey, huh?" " No." "Then I would tell her things." "Things that I've never told to anyone." "Things that are locked deep in here." "And as I talked to her," "I would want her to hold out her soft white hand and say," ""Poor thing." "You poor, poor thing."" "For how long would you want this to go on, Doctor?" " Two weeks." " Two weeks?" "Wouldn't that get a little monotonous, just Akron, cold beer and "poor, poor thing" for two weeks?" "No!" "It would be wonderful." "Well, I..." "I can't help feeling, Doctor, that you're making a mistake not allowing the woman to talk." "If she'd been around at all, she might've picked up some very interesting news items." "And I'm sure you're making a mistake about all that beer and no whiskey, but it's your two weeks." "Mr. Dowd, could he..." "Would he do this for me?" "He could and might." "I've never heard Harvey say a word against Akron." "By the way, Doctor, where is Harvey?" "Don't you know?" "The last time I saw him, he was with you." "He's probably waiting for me down at Charlie's." "Yes, that's it." "He's down at Charlie's." "Ah, well, in that case, I think I'll go down and join him for a nightcap." "Fortunately, Charlie's stays open rather late." "Excuse me, Doctor." "I want to say goodbye to some of my friends before I leave." "Mr. Dowd, none of those people are your friends." "But I want you to know that I am your friend." "Well, thank you, Doctor." "And I'm yours." "They underestimate you, as I did." "This sister of yours is at the bottom of a conspiracy against you." "She's trying to persuade me to lock you up." "Today she had commitment papers drawn up." "She has your power of attorney and the key to your safety box." "And she brought you here!" "My sister did all that in one afternoon?" "That Veta certainly is a whirlwind, isn't she?" "Good heavens, man!" "Haven't you any righteous indignation?" "Oh, Doctor, I..." "Years ago, my mother used to say to me, she'd say," ""In this world, Elwood, you must be..."" "She always called me Elwood." ""In this world, Elwood, you must be oh, so smart" ""or oh, so pleasant."" "For years, I was smart." "I recommend pleasant." "And you may quote me." "This is it." "Here we are." "Okay, thank you." "Come on, Myrtle." " I'll come..." " You wait right here, Veta, girl." "I will not wait here." "I'm going in with you." "You're a very high-strung girl." "This may be an ordeal." "Then let Myrtle Mae stay here, too." "Now, Mother, you know it isn't right to put Uncle Elwood away without some blood relative being present." "Hey, you're not gonna leave the lady here." "I thought..." "See, Omar?" "Even strangers think I should go in with you." "I wish to see Dr. Chumley." "I'm sorry, sir." "He's in conference." "You'll have to wait." "After dragging me out of bed at this hour?" "Tell him Judge Omar Gaffney's here." "I telephoned you, Judge Gaffney, right after we picked up Mr. Dowd." "I'm Dr. Sanderson." "Dr. Sanderson, I demand that this matter be settled right now!" "Oh, good, nobody here but people." "Mother, you promised to wait in the car." "You forgot your Uncle Elwood's bathrobe." "Well why are you all standing around?" "I thought you'd be committi..." " Oh, how do you do, Doctor?" " Hello, Mrs. Simmons." "He's the one I told you about." "Girl." "Doctor, what's your opinion?" " How are you feeling, Mrs. Simmons?" " Better, thank you." "In my opinion, Elwood P. Dowd is suffering from a third-degree hallucination." "And I recommend formula number 9-7-7." "Now that's a powerful serum which will shock him back to reality." "Nothing will do that." "Lock him up." "If this shock formula brings people back to reality, that's where we want Elwood." "Yes." "If he won't see the rabbit anymore, give it to him." "Then when Harvey comes to the door, I'll deal with him." "Mother, won't you please stop talking about Harvey as if there were such a thing?" "Myrtle Mae, you have a lot to learn, and I hope you never learn it." "Oh, Mother..." "Marvin!" "Myrtle Mae, baby!" "Myrtle Mae, you come back here." "The idea of that terrible man..." "Let's get on with this, Doctor." "I'm sorry, but you'll have to take that up with Dr. Chumley." "Then why waste my time?" "Young lady, will you kindly inform Dr. Chumley of my presence or must I do it?" "I'll attend to it immediately, sir." "Oh, Miss Kelly." "Isn't Dr. Chumley there?" "How nice to see you." "Where is he?" "Where's the doctor?" "What'd you..." "Are you all right, Doctor?" "Yes, thanks." "I'm quite all right." "Well, Veta and Myrtle Mae!" "What a delightful surprise." "Good evening, Elwood." "I brought your bathrobe." "Oh." "Well, thank you, Veta." "Dr. Chumley, are we gonna settle this matter or are we not?" "I..." "I've turned this case over to Dr. Sanderson." "Oh, no." "You forget I don't work here anymore, Dr. Chumley." "Dr. Sanderson, please disregard what I said this afternoon." "I..." "I want you to head my staff." "I think you're a very capable young man." "Oh, Lyman, did you hear that?" "Now, if you'll excuse me, I..." "I have some work to do." "Well, I think this calls for a celebration." "Why don't we all go down to Charlie's Place and have a drink?" "You're not going anywhere, Elwood." "You're staying right here." "Yes, Uncle Elwood." "Stay here, son." "Uh-huh." "I plan to leave, you want me to stay." "An element of conflict in any discussion is a very good thing." "Shows everybody's taking part and nobody is left out." "I like that." "Ah, Miss Kelly." "Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower, you make it beautiful." ""A diviner grace has never brightened this enchanting face."" "Ovid's Fifth Elegy." "Ovid's always been my favourite poet." "My dear, you'll never look lovelier." "I'll never be happier, Mr. Dowd." "I know it." "Hey, this rabbit gag must be a good one." "Mr. Dowd, I have a formula, 9-7-7, that will be good for you." "Will you take it?" " 9-7-7?" " Yes." "It's a serum." "You won't see this rabbit anymore." "But you will see your responsibilities and your duties." "Uh-huh." "Well, Doctor, if you thought of this," "I'm sure it must be a very fine thing." "And if I happen to run into anybody who needs it, I'd be glad to recommend it." "But as for myself, I don't think I'd care for it." "You hear that, Judge?" "You hear that, Doctor?" "That's what we have to put up with." "Veta, do you want me to take this?" "Oh, Elwood, I'm only thinking of you." "You're my brother and I've known you for years." "I'd do anything for you." "Harvey wouldn't do anything for you." "He's making a fool of you." "Oh, Elwood, don't be a fool." "I won't." "Why, you could amount to something." "You could be sitting on the Western Slope Water Board right now, if you'd only go over and ask them." "Veta, if that's what you want," "Harvey and I'll go over there tomorrow and ask them." "Tomorrow!" "I wish there might never be another tomorrow!" "Not if Myrtle Mae and I have to go on living with that rabbit!" "Our friends never come to see us anymore." "We have no social life whatever!" "We've no life at all." "We're both perfectly miserable." " Veta..." " But perhaps you don't care." "All right, now, Veta." "I..." "I've always felt that Veta should have everything she wants, but..." "Veta, are you sure?" "Yes." "I'll take it." "Where do I go, Doctor?" "In my office, Mr. Dowd." "This will only take a few minutes." "Why don't you wait?" "Veta, you tell Dr. Chumley to say goodbye to the old fellow for me, will you?" "Dr. Sanderson, couldn't we..." "Yes, Kelly?" "Nothing." "I'll need you to give me a hand, Miss Kelly." " Right in here." " After you." "No." "Oh, no, after you, Doc." " Miss Kelly." " Please." " No, after you." "Here we go." " All right." "Dr. Sanderson said it wouldn't take long." "Sit down, girl." "Thank you, Judge." "He said it wouldn't take long." "Relax, girl." "Take it easy." "Thank you." "I'll try to." "Oh." "There you are." "Lady jumped out of my cab and left without paying me." "She didn't say anything, and a fellow gets nervous after a while." "Well, there's no cause for concern, man." "How much is it?" "All the way out here from town?" "2.75." "Why, I must've forgotten my wallet." "I was dragged out of bed in such a hurry, it's a wonder I didn't forget my pants." "Beg your pardon, Veta." " Would you take a check?" " We don't take checks." "Yeah, I know, but..." "Would you mind, Veta?" "Oh." "Of course." "Yes, I..." "I could've sworn I brought my coin purse." "Where is it?" "Oh, the idea!" "Well, I never!" "Oh, I know." "I'll get it for you from my brother." "But I can't go in to him just now." "He's in there getting an injection." "It won't take long." "You'll have to wait." "You're gonna get my money from your brother who's in there getting some of that stuff they shoot out here?" "Yes." "It'll only take a few minutes." "Lady, I want my money now." "I told you, it'll only take a few minutes." "We want you to drive us back to town." "And I told you I want my money now or I'm nosing the cab back to town and you can wait for the bus." "Well, of all the pigheaded, stubborn things!" "What's the matter with you?" "Nothing that 2.75 won't fix." "You heard me." "Take it or leave it." "I never heard of anything so unreasonable in all my life." "Would you please let my brother step out here just a moment?" "This cab driver won't wait." "Oh, Elwood." "Yeah." "I'll be right back." "Elwood, I came off without my coin purse." "Would you please give this man $2.75?" "But don't give him any more." "He's been very rude." "Howdy do." "Dowd's my name, Elwood P." "Mine's Lofgren, E.J." "Glad to know you, Mr. Lofgren." "This is my sister Mrs. Simmons, and my very good friend Judge Gaffney back there." " Hi." "Hi." " Hi." "Have you lived around here long, Mr. Lofgren?" " All my life." " Nice." " Enjoy your work?" " It's okay." "I've been driving for Apex Cabs for 15 years." "My brother Joe's been driving for the Brown Cabs for near 12." "Is that so?" "You drive for Apex and your brother Joe for Brown." "That's very interesting, isn't it, Veta?" "Yes." "Mr. Lofgren, let me give you one of my cards." "Now, my sister and my charming young niece live at that address with me." "Wouldn't you and your brother like to come and have dinner with us sometime?" "Sure, be glad to." "When?" "When would you be glad to?" "Well, I couldn't come any night but tomorrow." "I'm on duty all the rest of the week." "Well, tomorrow would be perfect." "We'll be expecting you and delighted to see you." "Won't we, Veta?" "Oh, Elwood, I'm sure this man has friends of his own." "You can't have too many friends." "Don't keep the doctor waiting, dear." "It's rude." "There you are." "Keep the change." "I'm glad to have met you, Mr. Lofgren." "I'll expect you and your brother tomorrow night." "Now, you'll have to excuse me." "I..." "A sweet guy." "Certainly." "You could just as well have waited." "Oh, no." "Listen, lady, I've been driving this route for 15 years." "I've brought them out here to get that stuff, and I've drove them home after they had it." "It changes them." "Well, I certainly hope so." "You ain't kidding." "On the way out here, they sit back and enjoy the ride, they talk to me." "Sometimes we stop and watch the sunsets and look at the birds flying." "Sometimes we stop and watch the birds when there ain't no birds, and look at the sunsets when it's raining." "We have a swell time." "And I always get a big tip." "But afterwards, oh-oh." ""Afterwards, oh-oh"?" "What do you mean, "Afterwards, oh-oh"?" "They crab, crab, crab." "They yell at me," ""Watch the lights!" "Watch the breaks!" "Watch the intersections!"" "They scream at me to hurry." "They got no faith in me and my buggy." "Yet, it's the same cab, same driver, and we're going back over the very same road." "It's no fun." "And no tips." "My brother would've tipped you anyway." "He's very generous." "He always has been." "Not after this he won't be." "After this, he'll be a perfectly normal human being." "And you know what stinkers they are." "Glad I met ya." "I'll wait." "Oh, no!" "No!" "Elwood, come out!" "Come out!" "Don't give it to him!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Elwood, come out!" "Don't do that, girl." "Dr. Sanderson's giving the injection." "I don't want him to have it." "I don't like people like that." "I don't want my brother to be like that." "Elwood!" "You haven't given him the injection already, have you?" "No, but we're all ready, Mrs. Simmons." "Oh, Elwood!" "Veta?" "What's the trouble?" "What's the matter?" "What's going on?" "What's wrong?" "She wants to stop the injection." "She does?" "All right." "Come on, you..." "You take your hands off me!" "Don't you touch me, you white slaver, you!" "Marvin, please!" "All right, honey." "Anything you say." "You don't know what you want." "You didn't want that rabbit either." "And what's wrong with Harvey?" "If Elwood and Myrtle Mae and I want to live with Harvey, what is it to you?" "You don't even have to come around." "It's our house." " Elwood!" "Elwood!" " Veta, that's all right." "Veta's all tired out." "She's done a lot today." "Have it your own way, but I'm gonna take that cab back to town." "And I'm not giving up another night's sleep again no matter how big the animal is!" "Elwood, let us go, too." "I hate this place." "I wish I'd never seen it." "All right, Veta." "Just wait till I get my hat and coat." "Why..." "Why, look at that!" "It's my coin purse." "It must've been in there all the time." "I could've paid that cab driver myself." "Harvey!" "Thank you, Doctor." "Oh!" "Myrtle Mae and that man!" "They make a beautiful couple, don't they?" "Mr. Wilson has such a dynamic personality." "That man..." "Myrtle Mae..." "Mr. Wilson, may we have the pleasure of your company tomorrow night for dinner?" "We're having a few friends in." "Very informal." "Certainly, Mr. Dowd." "I'd be glad to." "Thank you." "A very nice couple." "And you make a very beautiful couple, too." "Well, I must find Harvey." "Well, goodbye, Mrs. Simmons." "I'll see you tomorrow night." "Yes." "Goodbye, Mr. Wilson." "Myrtle Mae!" "Come, Myrtle Mae." "Now, please try to forget all about that dreadful Mr. Wilson." "Oh, well there you are!" "I've been looking all over for you." "Oh." "Wasn't it cold out here?" "Mmm?" "I don't mind if I do." "That'd warm us up, wouldn't it?" "No, Charlie's would be fine." "Yeah, just fine." "Here." "Oh, Mr. Dowd." "Mr. Dowd, don't take him away." "Let him stay with me." "Doctor, whatever he wants to do is perfectly all right with me." "He knows that." "That's up to you." "Would you like to stay with the doctor?" "Mmm?" "No, I don't mind." "Have you ever been to Akron?" "Hmm?" "Akron." "Now, where is Elwood?" "Elwood, we've been waiting for you." "I'm sorry, Veta." "We've lost the car." "The judge took it." "We'll have to go down to the corner and wait for a bus." "Hurry up, dear." "Good night, Mr. Shimelplatzer." "Good night." "Was anything the matter?" "No, I thought you decided to stay with Dr. Chumley." "You..." "Huh?" "You..." "Well, thank you, Harvey." "I prefer you, too."