"Do we take the boat from there, Daddy?" "Yes, my son... and all the way across the Pacific Ocean." "That's China, isn't it?" "Yes." "Sheng Tu is a little village... far in the interior." "Miles from the railroad even." "We'll have to travel by ox can't." "Daddy, aren't we nearly there?" "I think so, my son." "You must have patience." "Are you all right, my dear?" "A little tired, Julian." "The trip has been so long." "Yes." "Stockport seems a long way off now." "The mission... our new home." "Welcome to Sheng Tu, Mr. Cobb." "Thank you, sir." "This is Mrs. Cobb, my wife." "How do you do, Mrs. Cobb?" "May I present you to my venerable friend Keen Lung?" "How do you do, sir?" "And this I presume is the successor to my successor?" "My son Ezekiel." "I'm glad to meet you, sir." "You, too." "A cordial greeting, my won'thy friend." "Thank you, sir." "Isn't that funny writing?" "Our native language, my young missionary." " May I have it?" " Ezekiel!" "Oh, I shall be honored... if he would accept it as a gift." "Thank you, sir!" "As he ripens in years, he will learn from it." "The wisdom of Ling Po... our great poet and philosopher." "You are very kind, sir." "Now, if you will enter the mission..." "I will introduce you to your future friends." "It would be a privilege, sir." "Hello." "What?" "You'll have to talk a little slower." "I guess I just don't understand." "Ohh, I see!" "I have told them that Ezekiel is leaving... and they grieve exceedingly." "Yes." "I've just bid him Godspeed on his journey... and in a few minutes he will be gone." "It is well, honorable sir." "The separation must be borne in fairness to the boy." "True, but I'm worried." "You see, he hasn't been out of this little village... in over 20 years." "Ah, but he is well-versed in languages and the classics." "He is educated." "As a Chinese gentleman, yes... but he knows nothing of the world." "Then this trip to America will broaden his education." "It will fit him even more eminently to return... and continue your missionary work among us." "It's always been my ambition... for him to perpetuate this mission." "To do that, he must marry." "Therefore a visit to America is necessary... for him to find a mother for his children." "I realize that." "And he has promised to return as soon as... he has found a suitable wife." "I must give him this to mail in San Francisco." "It's a letter to the Reverend Junius P. Withers... of our parent church in Stockport." "I'm sure that he will welcome Ezekiel as a guest." "Good-bye, my son." "May God be with you." "Good-bye!" "Good-bye, my son!" "Good-bye!" "Read all about it!" "Death in the penthouse!" "Pardon me, sir." "May I humbly inquire the direction... to the First Church of Stockport?" "The first church?" "Sure." "Just grab yourself a bus... and hop over to the music box on 31st street." "You know, where the red-hot babies are playing?" "You'll find it easy." "Just buzz any flatfoot on the beat." "He'll serve you the dope." "You got me?" "OK." "Extra!" "Read all about it!" "Big love murder!" "Murder for love!" "Extra!" "Murder for love!" "Murder for love!" "Extra!" "What are you talkir about?" "Read all about it!" "Playboy graft!" "Extra!" "Extra!" "Read all about it!" "Uh, pardon me, sir." "I seem to be in a predicament." "You see, I'd like to get to the First Church of Stockport." "Well, ain't this the joint you want?" "Oh, yes." "Yes, indeed." "That was most kind of you." "Want me to wait?" "Oh, no." "I'm to be a guest of the Reverend Junius P. Withers." "You see, this is the parent church of my father's mission." "Think of that." "For what reason?" "Once more?" "Why should I think of my father's mission?" "I'll bite." "Why?" "Well..." "I enjoyed our little ride exceedingly." "Uh, would you allow me... to pay you for the use of your conveyance?" "I'll say I will. 2 bucks." "Bucks?" "Couldrt I pay you in dollars?" "Sure." "Just give me $3.00 and we'll call it square." "Thank you." "Hey, buddy!" "There's a dollar for yourself... for pickir an honest guy out of a bunch of crooks." "Ha ha ha!" "Ah ha ha ha!" "Oh, pardon me." "Will you kindly convey to your master..." "We don't want any." "Well!" "Pardon me." "I don't think you understand." "I wish to see the Reverend Junius P. Withers!" "You can't." "He's busy." "But I'm Ezekiel Cobb." "I've just arrived from China to visit him." "From China!" "China!" " Huh?" " China!" "China?" "Yes." "He's expecting me." "Well, I'll tell him." "Come in." "There's a man outside selling china." "Says you're expecting him." "China?" "Ridiculous." "Yes, sir." "Do you want to see him?" "Certainly not." "I'm busy." "Mr. Withers says he's too busy to see you." "Oh, but there must be some mistake!" "He don't want to see you!" "Oh, I'm afraid this is my last attempt... to become mayor of Stockport." "Oh ho!" "I'm not as young as I used to be." "Oh, forget it." "Why, say, it wouldn't be an election... if you werert running on our ticket." "Why, say, I really have a chance... to be elected this time, don't you think?" " Why, sure you have." " Yeah?" "Anyway, we'll know by Tuesday night." "Yeah." "Well, good day, Mr. Mayo." "So long." "See you tomorrow." "Hello, Jake." " Hello, Pete." " How are you?" "Hey, if you're waiting for a parade, there ain't none." "Were you addressing me?" "Say, what's the big idea?" "I have no ideas." "In fact, I'm quite bewildered." "Now, don't get gay with me." "Sir, I'm far from gay." "Now, listen..." "Now, keep your shirt on, Pete." "Where you from, son?" "China." "China?" "You mean where the laundrymen come from?" "Yes." "Well, what brought you to Stockport?" "I was born here." "Uh-huh." "Hometown boy, eh?" "Any friends here?" "Well, uh... no." "But I have a letter to Tien Wang... a Chinese gentleman." "I'm sure he'll welcome me as a guest." "Say, that ain't right." "White man coming back here, no place to go but a Chink's?" "Oh, but it's the Chinese... that defrayed the expenses of my trip." "What, from China?" "Oh, yes!" "The celestial Keen Lung sent me... to his gracious friend Lee Wong in Shanghai... who sent me to the won'thy Ma Sing in San Francisco... who sent me to the venerable Fu Chi..." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "You mean, they sort of passed you along... from one to the other?" "Yes, you see, Fi Chu is a friend of Ma Sing... and Ma Sing was a friend of Lee Wong..." "Yeah, never mind." "Never mind." "If the Chinks can do that for you..." "I guess an Irishman can stake you... to a flop and a boiled egg." "Call a taxi, Pete." "We'll fix him up at Mrs. Noors." "Well, I'm most grateful, sir... but, you see, I have a little money." "Oh." "Well, you might just as well put up at the boarding house." "It's better than any joint you'll find over in Chinatown." "You don't need any ready cash?" "Oh, no, thank you." "You see, I have here a parting gift... from the good Keen Lung." "Gold?" "!" "Holy cats, shut the lid!" "You say a Chinaman gave you that?" "Well, yes." "There is a great friendship... between my father and Keen Lung." "Well, I'll say there was." "And I thought the Irish were generous." "Well, here's your cab, son." "Jump in." "Thank you." "And look out for that jack." "That!" "That vest pocket mint of yours." "Oh!" "Well, frankly, I'm worried about this." "I'm sure it's exceedingly valuable..." "Ha!" "Well, I'm in constant fear of losing it." "Ha!" "Well, would you like to have me... take care of it for you?" "Why, I'd deem it a great favor." "Say, are you kiddir me?" "Oh, I'm sure it'd be much safer in your keeping." "Well, I'll be..." "I suppose you'd give this to the first one that asked." "Certainly not." "Only to a person of self-evident integrity." "Of which?" "He who gazes upon the sun need not debate its brilliance." "Uh, Ling Po." " Ling who?" " Ling Po." "I quote a great Chinese poet and philosopher." "Oh, uh, may I introduce myself?" "I'm Ezekiel Cobb." "Mayo's my name." "Jake Mayo." "Look me up tonight at the Good Government club." "Thank you." "I will." "Unless I've been dreaming all this." "Oh, Mrs. Noors boarding house, 18th and Flint." "May I bid you good day, sir?" "So long." "You poor sap." "Extra!" "Extra!" "Reform candidate dies." "Hold it, sonny." "Reform leader dies!" "Extra!" "Withers drops dead!" "Extra!" "Reform leader!" "Extra!" "Extra!" "Extra!" "Extra!" "Evening, Mr. Strozzi." "Good evening, Mr. Strozzi." "Good evening, Mr. Strozzi." "Mayor Morgars here, ain't he?" "Yes, sir, at his private table." "Say, chief, look!" "What do you think of that?" ""Withers drops dead."" " Can you imagine that?" " When did it happen?" "Honey, I guess the poor sap... just got tired of running against you." "And can you beat it?" "With next Tuesday election day!" "Yeah, they'll have to work fast." "Excuse me." "Follow me." "I want to make a telephone call." "I wonder who they'll nominate in his place?" "Don't lose any sleep over it, dearie." "Why, Ed Morgan could commit murder on the city hall steps... and still be re-elected." "Get me the Good Government League." "Have you heard the news?" "Withers... he's dead!" "Yeah, you're tellir us?" "A fine time he picked to pass out, the old gas bag." "Yeah." "Two days before election... us without a candidate." "Lord, what a mess." "Morgan on the phone for you, Jake." "Oh, this is terrible." "The best candidate we ever had." "He never had a chance." "Hello?" "Mr. Mayo?" "I want to offer my condolences... on the death of Junius P. Withers... a fine public-spirited citizen." "Your Good Government League has lost a standard bearer... whom I highly respected as a rival candidate." "Say, listen, you don't have to make a speech." "This is a private wire." "Oh." "Well, listen, Jake... you gotta replace that old fool in a hurry." "I'd say we do... and we got to decide on another man tonight." "What we want to know is..." "Another candidate?" "Lmpossible!" "Why, Withers was the idol of the Reform element!" "And just a sap to the regulars." "That's the idea." "Morgan loses the Reform vote anyway." "Yeah, well, we'll do that." "OK, Ed." "What are the orders, Jake?" "Morgan says we can substitute any candidate we want... so long as we're sure he's a pushover." "But that ought to be easy!" "Yeah?" "Well, I'm not so sure of that." "Folks are getting fed up on Morgan... with his dames and his drinkir." "We may need an especially weak candidate this time." "Fella named Cobb to see you, Jake." "Cobb?" "Cobb?" "Who's he?" "Search me." "Said he met you this afternoon." "Cobb?" "Cobb?" "Oh!" "Hello, Cobb." "How are you?" "A cordial greeting, sir." "Say, listen, Cobb, we're very busy." "Do you mind coming 'round tomorrow?" "See, we got a committee meeting here and..." "Oh, I'm sorry I intruded... but I just read of the untimely death... of my friend Mr. Withers." "Your friend?" "Are you a friend of Withers?" "Well, I had expected to be his guest." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, why didn't you tell me that?" "Say, Jake!" "We got a lot of work to do, you know." "Yeah, yeah." "Well, come in and meet the boys just a minute." "Fellas, this is a friend of mine, Mr. Cobb." "This is Slattery, McGee, Mulligan, Burke." "Mr. Cobb's from China." "Darned if I don't believe it." "Say, Cobb, how'd you happen to know Withers?" "Well, it was his church that maintained... my father's mission in China." "Are you a missionary?" "I assisted my father in that work, yes." "Say, what is this missionary racket?" "Sort of cleaning up a joint, you know." "Oh, the old Reform gag, eh?" "Yeah." "The kind of a guy... we're looking for as a candidate." "I was deeply grieved over Mr. Withers' demise." "A splendid character." "Say, listen, Cobb, did you figure on doing... any missionary work over here?" "Not exactly... but I had hoped to be associated... with Mr. Withers during my stay here." "Oh, sort of an assistant, eh?" ""Reformer's assistant to carry on his noble work."" ""Famous missionary returns from China..." ""to clean up his home town."" ""Stockport needs me more than China."" "I beg your pardon?" "Never mind." "We were just thinking of something." "Say, Cobb, we're very busy." "Do you mind if you just sort of mosey along?" "Oh, I really must apologize." "May I bid you good night?" "Well, never mind that now." "You trot over to your boarding house." "I'll telephone you about 10:30." "See, I want to talk to you about something." " Telephone?" " Yeah." "How interesting." "You know, I've never conversed over a telephone." "May I bid you good night?" "Holy cats, he's got me doing it now." "Boys, he's it!" "A missionary..." "an expert at reforming." "Wort the longhairs eat that up?" "He came all the way from China... but nobody ever heard of him, Jake." "Ell, what do you suppose they invented brass bands for?" "Now, I can handle that sap... and here's the way we go about it." "Oh, uh, pardon me, Mrs. Noon." "Uh..." "I expect a communication by telephone." "I presume you have such an instrument?" "In the parlor." "Shove over the "Journal," will you, sweetheart?" "There you are, Pet." "Thanks." "Perhaps if the gentlemars your sweetheart... you'd rather he sat next to you." "That's not very funny." " Well, I..." "I..." " Pet's her name." "What a charming name." "So... intimate." " Intimate?" " Yes." "Uh-huh." "Fast worker, aren't you?" "Not especially... but I fancy I can work as rapid as another." "You see, for years I assisted my father..." "What did he do, play a saxophone?" "Oh, no." "My father..." "Well, let's not get into an argument over it." "But, Miss Pet, I..." "My name's not Pet." "But he just said..." "Well, they call me Pet because I'd slap 'em down... if they called me by my right name." "What's that?" "My mother kept a window box on the fire escape... so she called me Petunia." "Eminently proper." "The Chinese frequently... name their girl children for flowers." "You know, I believe that's the telephone." "You wouldn't kid me?" "If you'll excuse me..." "I'll hold a brief discourse over the instrument." "A cordial greeting, my won'thy friend." "A cordial greeting, my won'thy fri..." "A cordial greeting..." "Aw, cut the clowning!" "A cordial greeting, my won'thy friend." "Speak up!" "Hello!" "Uh, that you, Cobb?" "Say, I'd like to see you tomorrow." "Oh, no, nothing important." "Just a friendly little chat." "Yeah." "Drop over to the City Club about 1:00." "Yeah, it's in the city hall building." "Yeah, so long." "All right, boys, now we go." "You'll have to put it over big, Jake." "They've got to know him." "Now, leave it to me." "That sap will be... the best known guy in Stockport." "Remember, City Club tomorrow at 1:00." "Say, who is this Ezekiel Cobb?" "I never heard of him." "Must be Jake's new candidate." "Where did they dig him up?" "Well, they had to run somebody." "Well, we'll get a good feed out of it anyway." "I told him 1:00." "You heard me!" "Personally, I think the guy is nuts." "An hour late!" "Say, this is getting serious." "We can't wait much longer." "What are we gonna do?" "He's not at his boarding house." "They don't know where he is." " Did you call the jail?" " Huh?" " Mr. Mayo?" " Yeah?" "I'll bet it's from him." ""My honored friend Tien Wang..." ""has graciously invited me to tea." ""If it will not inconvenience you..." ""I'll meet you at the City Club..." ""later in the afternoon."" "Who in blazes is Tien Wang?" "!" "Must be a Chink." "Tea with a Chink!" "Holy cats!" "Where's that telephone book?" "Say, how do you spell Tien Wang?" "It is a great privilege to welcome... so honorable a guest to my lowly abode." "No, I beg to differ with you, sir." "The privilege is mine." "I am indebted to you for your gracious courtesy." "Oh!" "If I may humbly beg your pardon, sir." "A cordial greeting, my won'thy friend." "Never mind the cordial greeting." "You get yourself up to the City Club... and make it snappy!" "But, Mr. Mayo, I'm enjoying... a bowl of rice with my gracious host." "Well, we'll give you some rice up here!" "Now, you bust out of there in a hurry." "I regret I cannot leave so abruptly." "Courtesy forbids it." "Courtesy?" "Rats!" "Now, you jump into a taxi and step on it!" "I shall leave only after... a respectful period of friendly discourse." "I shall be delighted to converse with you... later in the afternoon." " Well?" " Well, I'll be!" "He won't come." "He's eating rice." "Oh, he won't come, eh?" "Well, I'll get him." "Wait a minute!" "You can't bring a guest of honor... to a banquet at the point of a gun." "No." "Courtesy forbids it." "How about the old nosebag, Jake?" "We can't take all afternoon for lunch, you know." "Start right way, Nick." "Right away." "Jake, we've got to go through with it." "He may arrive in time for my speech." "Yeah, let's go." "All right, boys." "We won't wait for Mr. Cobb." "Eatir rice with a Chink." "I regret, sir, that I cannot tarry to view... some of your treasures of ancient China." "Ah, but you will visit me quite frequently, my friend." "I'm very grateful, sir... for the great kindness you have shown me." "And now, if you so desire..." "I will point out the way to the city hall." "And, gentlemen, I regret to inform you... that at the last moment... our guest of honor was taken ill." "A slight attack of indigestion, wasrt it, Mr. Mayo?" "Yes, from eatir rice." "But the Good Government League... is going to honor him just the same... and as chairman of the reception committee..." "I now propose a toast." "Gentlemen, I give you Ezekiel Cobb!" "Ezekiel Cobb!" "A man of honor, a man of ideals... a man of determination... a man of whom Stockport is proud." "Pardon me." "Where is that voice coming from?" "It's the radio, of course, in that car." "We need a man of his experience... in the great work of Reform... and we are going to ask him to continue this work... in the city of his birth." "To take up the burden... where the late Reverend Junius P. Withers laid it down." "We are going to ask Mr. Cobb a momentous question." "The Good Government League wants him to carry on... for his faithful friend and associate... and we are going to ask him if he will join forces with us... in our grim battle against graft and corruption." "We are going to ask him at the last moment... to replace the late Junius P. Withers... and to accept the nomination for mayor!" "Aah!" "What's the matter with you?" "And if he will accept this nomination... the Good Government League will be able... to point to him with pride and say..." ""There, gentlemen, is the next mayor of Stockport!"" "And it doesn't make any difference... whether you know anything about politics or not." "Why, we haven't elected a candidate in 12 years... and it's a cinch you ain't gonna spoil our record." "Gentlemen, if there's no chance of my being elected mayor... why do you wish me to become a candidate?" "Don't you understand?" "We gotta put up a show to make the people think... they're really having an election." "Morgan gets in, licks up the gravy... and there's plenty left to pass around among the boys." "No, that isn't the idea at all, Jake." "Listen, Cobb, you believe in standing up for a principle... even if they knock you down, don't you?" "Certainly." "Well, that's the idea." "The city government is full of graft and corruption." "Are you gonna sit by... and not even raise your voice in protest?" "Perhaps you're right." "You know, the lowly fisherman is helpless... to hold back the tidal wave." "But his warning cry may save his neighbor's children." "Ling Po." "You took the words right out of my mouth." "Cobb, it's your duty." "Your sacred duty." "Perhaps it is." "But on the other hand, I have another duty... to my father in China." "You see, gentlemen, it is his wish... that our family perpetuate his mission there." "And therefore, I came to America... simply to find a mother for my children." "Say, now listen, Cobby... the election will be all over by Tuesday." "You won't need a mother for your children... till next Tuesday, will you?" "Oh, no." "Of course not." "You might as well pick out a good one while you're at it." "And after Tuesday... you'll have plenty of time to look the dames over." "You really feel that it's my duty?" "Sure it is!" "It's..." "What did you say it was, Spike?" "His sacred duty." "I must return to China as soon as the electiors over." "I'll accept the nomination only on condition... that you assure me that there isn't a chance... of my being elected mayor." "Not a chance." " Not a chance!" " Not a chance!" "Better hurry, boys." "He's liable to be down any minute now." "How will we know who he is?" "Don't worry." "Jake Mayo will be leading him by the hand." "Hey, Red!" "Hi, Pet." "What's all the rumpus?" "Mayo's got his new candidate for mayor... up in the City Club." "We're just hangir around to grab off a few headlines." "This has got to be a one-day campaign... and there isn't much you can do... seeing as you're new in the game." "You desire me merely to lend my moral support." "Yes, you just lay low... and we'll tell them all about you." " Oh, Jake!" " Huh?" "Did you get him to accept the nomination?" "Uh..." "Hey!" "Wait a minute!" "Hey, here he comes, boys!" "This ought to be him!" "OK, let him come." " Ohh!" " Ohh!" "Nertz!" "Where is that guy?" "Aw, Jake must be holding onto him." "Hey, sonny!" "Out of the way, will you, or you'll be in the picture." "Oh!" "Heh." "Yes, certainly." "Probably some funny-looking old guy... like they had the last time." "Yeah, with long hair and a beard." "Leave it to Jake to pick a pushover." "Well, Miss Pratt!" "Oh, you." "This is indeed a pleasant surprise." "A cordial greeting..." "My won'thy friend." "Why don't you get a new line?" "A line?" "Or better still, don't try to be funny." "Say, here it is." "This must be him!" "Oh, for the love of..." "Hey, Jake, where's your new candidate?" "Yeah, that's what I want to know." "Yeah, where you hidir him, Jake?" "Oh, there he is, boys." "Turn your guns around." "What, that guy?" "!" "But, I assure you, Miss Pratt, I wasrt trying to be comical." "At that I guess you don't have to try." "Hey, Mr. Cobb!" "Now, let's have another one!" "But, gent... gentlemen..." "Aw, thank you, Mr. Cobb." "Don't mind if I do." "Why, thank you very much!" "Come on, boys!" "Say!" "Is that the new candidate?" "Yeah, he came from China." "Why?" "Cobby, pose for another." "Yeah!" "Let's have another with you." "Yeah, very good idea." "Shake hands with him." "Shake hands." "Hey, put on that funny-looking hat!" "Yeah!" "Good idea." "That's a swell hat." "Now, wait a minute!" "A politician without a cigar in his mouth?" "That's it." "Now puff on it, son." "Get it cooking good." "Hold it!" "Now, hold it." " One more!" " One more!" "Here, Cobby, you won't need this." "Hold it now!" "Hold it!" " Aah!" " Oh!" "Who left the lid off?" "!" "Why'd you leave..." "How did I know the nut was gonna throw a cigar?" "Who did that?" "I'd better take you out of here." "Just one more, Jake!" "No more, boys." "Now, Mr. Cobb's busy." "You sure started off with a bang, Mr. Cobb!" "How about a statement for the papers?" "Yeah, give us the lowdown on the Reform racket." "How was the missionary business in China?" "Now, wait a minute, boys." "Wait a minute." "Mr. Cobb's not ready to make a statement." "You see, he's got to study the situation." "That supposed to be funny, too?" "Oh, no..." " Well, what kind?" " I beg your pardon?" "They always start by buying cigarettes." "What a strange custom." "May I purchase some?" "15 cents." "And $4. 00 for the cigars." "Thank you." "So you're gonna run for mayor." "Oh, yes." "They've convinced me it's my duty." "Even though defeat is inevitable." "Yes?" "After all, should the lark cease singing... because winter was come?" "Ling Po." "I don't know." "Should it?" "Well, I..." "Say, is Jake Mayo paying you to do this?" "Certainly not." "Then you're really a sap." "A sap?" "Well, I suppose somebody had to be the cat's-paw." "Are you insinuating..." "Oh, no, don't bother about it." "It'll all be over tomorrow... and I suppose you'll never know the difference." "Say, are those clothes tattooed on you?" "Tattooed?" "Well, I..." "I don't believe so." "They come on and off?" "Yes, certainly." "Then I'd suggest that you turn 'em in... and get something that a dog wouldn't want to bury." "Oh, I see." "You feel that my clothes are unsuitable here." "Well, it's very kind of you to advise me." "Oh, no, it's just a bad habit with me." "I'm always buying milk for stray pups... or bringir home old alley cats." "You're jesting, Miss Petunia." "Say, mention that name again... and you'll be sprawlir in the gutter!" "The name's Pratt to strangers and Pet to friends." "Well, which am I?" "Well, you're not a stranger... and you're not a friend." "I guess you better not call me any name." "When you speak to me just say "Say."" "Ezekiel!" "Ezekiel!" "Ezekiel!" "Yeah, Ezekiel Cobb." ""China's gift to Stockport."" "Yeah, in big letters." "Say, Jake, couldn't we get one of them sky rockets... to spell "Cobb" when it bursts?" "OK, OK, did you get that balloon up... with Cobb's name on it?" "Good." "Hey, Jake, the president of the Womers Club... just made a 4-dollar speech endorsing Cobb." "There's not another band in the city?" "Well, get a guy to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."" "Great show, Jake." "A wow." "...And he came all the way from China." "McGee's doing his stuff." "What a lot of ballyhoo... to get a few votes we're sure of anyway." "Cobb's here, Jake." "Do you want to see him?" "What?" "Cobb?" "Sure!" "Bring him in." "Come in, Cobby." "Say, you're goir like a house a-fire." "We're proud of you." "Great work, kid." "Great work." "Well, thank you, but I just dropped in... to see if there wasrt something I could do." "Nah, it's all over but the shoutir." "The boys got sore feet parading... and the bands don't know any more tunes." "We're all ready to close up shop and go home." "Go home?" "Nuts!" "After that days work..." "I need some relaxation." "Bottles of it." "Yeah, that's a good idea." "You, too, Cobby." "Forget it." "Relax." "Yeah, go and get yourself a twist." " What?" " A twist." "Yeah, go and have a nice little supper." "Here's your report, Jake." "Get myself a twist?" "Come in!" "Shades of Ling Po!" "What's the big idea?" "Uh, I followed your advice and purchased some new clothes." "Well, you're not getting married, are you?" "Oh, no." "Uh, Mr. Mayo suggested I get myself a twist... for a quiet little supper." "He did?" "So what?" "Well, uh, you're really the only twist I know." "Oh." "Oh, I get the idea." "Oh, very pretty compliment." "And where do you want to go?" "Well, Mr. Mayo suggested some nice quiet spot." "Which would be in keeping with the high ideals of Reform... for which I stand." "Yeah?" "Well, I know a nice quiet spot." "Like it, China?" "Yes." "Very interesting, but I'm afraid..." "Mr. Mayo wouldn't approve of this place." "Yeah." "Jake's pretty particular." "Hi, Jake!" "Hiya, Red." "Hi, Bill." "Hi, Jake." "Holy smoke, look!" "Cobb!" "Can you beat it?" "Now, this is a fine place for a missionary." "Well, he ought to be able to find a mother... for his children out of that bunch." "I told him to keep out of sight, the sap." "Oh, you want him out of sight, huh?" "Well, here he goes." "Now, wait a minute!" "You'll do more harm... than you'll do good if you raise a rumpus." "Gonna do your old-fashioned girl number next?" "What do you think I'm putting this trick dress on for?" "Now, make that pretty loose." "It got stuck last night." "Come in!" "Say, chief, Cobb's downstairs." "What?" "Yeah!" "With a dame!" "What's the idea of bringing... the Reform candidate into a place like this?" "Looks phony to me." "A longhair posing as a regular?" "Want me to take care of him?" "Now, I like this music much better." "It's more romantic." "Uh-oh." "I wonder if I may confide in you." "You mean tell me a secret?" "Well, yes." "Oh, that'd be fun." "I'll play checkers, too." "Well, you see, I'm thinking of marriage." "A beautiful thought." "I consider it a duty." "It usually is." "A duty to perpetuate my father's mission in Sheng Tu." "Oh." "You see, I really came to America... to find myself a wife." "I thought you said you werert a fast worker." "Oh, I'm not especially." "But I would like to ask you a question." "May I?" "Well, I..." "I suppose you might as well get it over with." "Mmm." "I want to ask you... why is it that all American girls... are so lacking in individuality?" "What?" "Well, they all look alike." "Big-eyed and pasty-faced... and, well, one exactly like the other." "How interesting!" "Yes, and furthermore... they seem to lack that sense of inferiority... that a woman should have in the presence of a man." "Oh, they do?" "Yes, I'm disappointed." "I doubt whether I shall be able to find an American girl... who will make me a suitable wife." " I'm just a woman " " Like you're a man " " You command and I'll obey " " I'll get by if I know why... " "Now, there's a girl who'd make a good wife for you." "Yes, she's the type." "She's modest, retiring... and very attractive, too." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, she'd be right at home... as a missionary's wife in China." "Yes, she seems so out of place here." "You know, the song of the thrush is thrice beautiful... amid the discordant call of the crow." "Ling Po." "I guess that makes me a crow." " Honey, anything at all you ask me to do " " I'll gladly do and smile " " I would go with you right to the end of the earth " " Love makes it won'th the while " " Maybe it's right, dear " " Maybe it's wrong " " I don't care what people say " " Right or wrong, I'll string along " " Beside you forever " " I'm just that way " " I'm just a woman, like you're a man " " You command and I'll obey " " I'll get by if I know why... " " I'm just that way " " Just as I am " " As I am I'll always stay " " Everywhere that you may go " " I'll follow right after " " I'm just that way " " Honey, anything at all you ask me to " " I'll gladly do and smile " " I would go with you right to the ends of the earth " " If you'll make it won'th... " "Holy cats, there goes the works." " Maybe it's right, dear " "Don't let her get away from you, buddy!" " I don't care what people say " "Look at the sap!" " I'll string along beside you forever " " I'm just that way " "Stay with 'em, boy!" "Stay with 'em!" "Hey, go into your dance!" "Hey, get him to dance!" "Yeah!" "Get him to dance!" "Folks, do you know who that is?" "That's Ezekiel Cobb, the new candidate for mayor!" "Ezekiel Cobb from China!" "Hey, that guy's kind of a regular at that." "Those showgirls are good." "Yeah." "He's beginning to like it." "He's no longhair!" "Hey, not bad for a missionary!" "Ezekiel Cobb, the next mayor!" "Hey, he's a swell guy!" "That's the way to reform the town!" "Vote for Ezekiel Cobb!" "Say, they're beginning to go for that guy." "Yeah." "Guess I'd better go see Morgan." "Say, that guy's stealing your stuff." "Where's Mayo?" "I want to see him." "He's right here now, folks... and isn't he having a swell time!" "He may be running on the Reform ticket... but believe me, he's a regular feller!" "If this is reform, let's have reform!" "I want to see you." "I want to see you!" "What's the idea of... letting a line like that go out over the air?" "Well, you don't think that was my idea, do you?" "Well, what do you expect me to think... parading the Reform candidate around like that?" "Now, wait a minute, Ed..." "Mayo, if I thought you were trying to double-cross me..." "Come on, chief, let's get going." "Oh, now, forget it, Ed." "I'll see you first thing in the morning." "You bet your life you will!" "Hurray for the next mayor of Stockport!" "You're all right, Mr. Cobb." "You're a regular." "Give us a few words, Mr. Cobb." "Sure put on a great show!" "How about a statement for the papers, Mr. Cobb?" "The new angle on Reform." "Scram, Red." "You're intruding on our social life." "Allowing a Reform candidate to put on an act like that!" "How about a statement from you, Mr. Morgan?" "Ain't you gonna denounce the dancing missionary?" "Don't bother me!" "Now, will youse guys lay off the mayor?" "Come on, Ed." "Let's be going." "Paper, Mr. Mayor?" "Buy a paper?" "Let me tell you something." "I didn't..." "Don't bother me!" "Please buy a paper, Mr. Mayor." "Nobody can double-cross me and get away..." "Will you let me alone?" "!" "Hey, hold on there!" "It's Morgan, the mayor!" "That's Cobb, that missionary fellow!" "The rival candidates!" "Wow!" "What a story!" "Where are those telephones?" "...gave Morgan a sock on the chin!" "Well, you have got your points." "Better call an ambulance." "No, no, he's all right." "Get him to his car." "Somebody call for an ambulance!" "You young idiot!" "What did you do that for?" "I forgot myself!" "I acted without thinking!" "This is terrible." "Terrible!" "Yeah, I'll say it's terrible." "If this gets in the papers... it'll bring you thousands of votes." "Huh?" "Yeah, big fight." "Cobb and Morgan." "Socked him right in the nose!" "Yeah, knocked down a newsboy!" "Say, do you know this story is liable to elect him?" "I knew all along he was a great guy." "Sure you did." "Well, here he is now!" "Hooray for Battling Cobb!" "How's the fighting missionary?" "You sure made the headlines!" "I bet he hasn't seen the paper yet." "Here, take mine." "Thank you." "I'd rather not read it." "Say, you're not sorry you socked Morgan, are you?" "No, I'm not." "That's just the trouble." "He is twice guilty who regrets not an unwon'thy act." "Ling Po." "I got some nice hotcakes for you, Mr. Cobb." "I don't believe I'd care for my breakfast." "What's the matter, China?" "I'm humiliated, Miss Pratt." "Ashamed." "They made me a candidate... of the Good Government League... and I can't even govern myself." "Where you going?" "To visit my friend Tien Wang." "I must regain my serenity of spirit." "Ling Po." "Ahh!" "Huh?" "Cobb!" "Yes?" "Cobb!" "It's Mayo!" "Oh!" "Oh, yes!" "Come on, hurry up!" "Open the door!" "All right, yes, yes, Mr. Mayo!" "Cobb, open the door!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "All right, I'll come right away!" "Hurry up, Cobb!" "Open the door!" "All right!" "Mr. Mayo, what's the matter?" "Close the door!" "Now, don't answer the phone and lay low." "They're liable to be here at any minute." "Who?" "Why?" "The reporters." "We gotta do something fast." "Now, don't you talk to anyone!" "Yes, but I don't understand..." "I gotta figure out what you gotta say!" "Say?" "About what?" "About what?" "!" "About being elected mayor, of course!" "Elected mayor?" "Who?" "You, you sap!" "Only 5 precincts missing." "You're in by a mile!" "I..." "I'm elected mayor?" "Yes." " No!" " Yes!" "Hear the news, Pet?" " What's the latest?" " He's elected!" "Jake Mayo just told me." "He's upstairs with Cobb now." "Boy, I bet they're celebrating!" "But I don't want to be mayor." "I don't know how to be mayor!" "Now, you told me that I never would be mayor." "Yeah, but I never told you to go around... sockir people on the nose, did I?" " Yes." " It's your own fault." "Well, what are we going to do?" "Yes, you've got to get me out of it!" "Yeah, well, I'm sure going to try." "Now listen, Morgars waiting for me outside in his car." "I'll slip him up here before the reporters come." "We'll figure out what to do." "Now, you sit tight." "I'll be right back." "But..." "Oh!" "Congratulations, Jake." "Bah!" "Well, Mr. Mayor!" "Good evening, Miss Pratt." "Isn't this terrible?" "What?" "What?" "!" "L..." "I've got to be mayor!" "Oh, well, it's all a circus anyway... and every circus must have its clown." "This is serious, Miss Pratt." "The term of office is for 2 years." "I can't stay away from my father's mission that long." "Why not?" "My duty lies in China." "Oh, yeah, you and your wife." "Miss Pratt, they need me..." "To reform them, I suppose." "Rats!" "Why, there's more reforming... to be done right here in this town... than in all of China put together." "It's filthy with corruption." "Crooks and grafters, racketeers." "Say, you have bandits in China, haven't you?" "Well, they're a bunch of pansies... compared to the bandits over here." "Pansies?" "Oh, go to bed." "Do you really think that I could..." "You couldn't do anything." "Imagine you being mayor of this town." "Well, that's a mars job, a fight!" "I knew you couldn't fight... but you don't even want to fight." "But, Miss Pratt..." "Oh, go on and run." "Pick up your legs and run with your tail between them." " My tail?" " Yeah." "Beat it back to China with that wife of yours... and spend the rest of your life... teaching little Chinese children how to blow their noses." "Right up here, Ed." "He's waiting for us." "Is this it?" "Yeah, go on in there." "Come on, Cobby... we'll go in your room, close the door." "Come on." "Now see here, Cobb, I haven't got much time." "We've got to talk fast." "This whole thing is fantastic." "It's a miracle." "It couldn't have happened, but it did." "Now, we've got to figure out some way..." "Say, will you listen?" "!" "Oh, yes." "A way to figure out to..." "To get you out of this!" "Oh... oh, yes, yes." "If there was only some way for him to resign." "Mr. Mayo, it just occurs to me... why are you so anxious to get rid of me... after you worked so hard to elect me?" "You don't think he wanted you elected, do you?" "Well, of course, son, it was just a show... but we meant to do right by you." "Oh." "You mean you nominated me... because I was more likely to be defeated than anyone else." "This is politics, you fool!" "Why, sure, son." "Now, we've got to be reasonable." "We help to elect Morgan... his organization takes care of us." "Then she was right." "A cat's-paw." "Now let's get down to cases." "You've been elected mayor." "Yes." "I've been elected mayor." "And the point is..." "The point is that I'm going to be mayor." "Without any interference from you or anybody else." "Now, wait a minute, you're not talking to the newspapers." "No, I'm talking to you." "Why, do you think... with a chance to do some good in this town... that I'm gonna pick up my tail and run?" "You'd better..." "Do you realize, Mr. Morgan... that this town is filthy with corruption?" "Now, hold on now!" "It's full of bandits!" "We have bandits in China, yes... but they're a bunch of, uh, buttercups... compared to the ones you have in this town!" "Wait a minute!" "I can't keep those reporters downstairs much longer." "They're yellir for Mr. Cobb." "Quick, Ed." "They mustrt see you." "The back stairs this way?" "So, you said you could handle him, eh?" "Ha ha!" "Well, you better." "Oh, I will." "Don't worry." "Stall them all for a minute if you can." "Well, I can't!" "All right, Cobb, you're mayor." "That's settled, but now you listen to me." "You're gonna do just as you're told, you understand?" "You can sit back and look important... but the organization will run the city." "Now, is that clear?" "It's very clear." "OK, then remember it." "Now let me to the talking." "How about it, Mr. Mayor?" "Got a sizzling statement on the tip of your tongue?" "Come right in, boys." "Mr. Cobb was just going to send for you." "Congratulations!" "You sure put over a fast one." "The headlines are waiting." "How about a story from the fighting missionary?" "Tell us all about how you're going to reform this burg." "Speak up, Mr. Cobb, you're among friends." "No, I'll talk for Mr. Cobb if you don't mind, boys." "He's had a hard day and he's dead tired." "Ain't you, Mr. Cobb?" "Not at all." "I'm not the least tired." "Go ahead, mayor, shoot the works." "Sure, didn't they tell you what to say?" "Oh, yes." "I was told I should sit back... and allow the organization to run the city." "Now, wait a minute..." "This I refuse to do." "Hey, Jake, he's reading the wrong speech." "I don't think I should allow anyone... to dictate my actions." "I realize that I know nothing whatever... about governing a city... therefore, I shall welcome advice." "The blind man, lest he stumble in darkness... welcomes the guiding footsteps even of an ass." " Ling Po." " What?" "And he looked right at you, Jake." "Who is this Ling Po?" "A sage who lived under the Chi Lung dynasty." "Well, he certainly knew his onions." "Say, Mr. Cobb, what job does Jake Mayo get?" "Well, Mr. Mayo's been very kind to me." "I find in him many splendid qualities." "As a man." "But as a politician, well..." "I question his honesty." "Wow!" "Can we publish that?" "Certainly." "Why not?" "Let me outta here!" "That's enough for an extra edition!" "Say..." "Anything more from Ling Po?" "No!" "Say, what was that crack you made about me?" "Holy cats." "Listen to that." "Jeez, look at that mob!" "Brass bands and everything." "Uh, Mr. Mayo, I hope you're not offended..." "Offended?" "I haven't got time to be." "Now, they're yelling for you and you got to make a speech... and this time you're gonna say what I tell you!" "Well, I shall, providing I approve of your sentiments." "Sentiments, my eye!" "Now get this..." ""Fellow citizens, I've been elected mayor..." ""on a wave of popular indignation." ""I'm gonna give this city an honest, fearless government." ""A government with the best interests..." ""of the people at heart." ""For first, last, and always I am a servant of the people." ""I'll work 24 hours a day to make this..." ""the best-run city in the United States!"" "Now, you got that?" "Why, Mr. Mayo, that's splendid." "And that's exactly what I'd like to do." "Well, that's just hogwash for the public." "Now, get out there and say it!" "Oh, I'll be glad to." "Now, let's see..." "I think I got it almost word for word." "Let's see..." "Speech!" "Speech!" "Speech!" "Uh..." "Fellow citizens..." "Uh..." ""First and last, I am always a servant of the people"?" "Yes, yes!" "Uh..." "Fellow citizens..." "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "I'll do the best I can." "Aw, nuts!" "I tell you, I won't stand for it!" "You think I'm going to have my salary cut in half?" "Well, now don't worry, Lou." "I'll talk with him about it." "Well, you'd better because I won't stand for it!" "Is Mayor Cobb in?" "I want to see him right away!" "Well, what's up?" "What's up?" "That idiotic mayor of yours... have vetoed my bill for a municipal hothouse... for yellow chrysanthemums!" "Well, I'll speak to him." "Just give me time." "But he can't do that, Jake!" "I know he can't!" "Will you excuse me just a minute?" "I'll..." " Oh, say, Mayo!" " Yeah?" "Did you tell that young fool to veto the garbage franchise?" "Of course not!" "I begged him..." "Do you realize he's robbing me of a cool 100,000?" "Me, with a family of 5 children?" "I know, Pete, but you can talk to him this afternoon." "I will!" "And if he quotes another Chinese proverb..." "I'll kill him!" "Hi, Jake!" "I see Ling Po made the headlines again." "What?" "!" "Don't get sore, Jake." "You can handle him." " Yes, you can." " Hi, Red!" "Hi, boys." "Well, what has he done today?" "Well, he hasn't torn down the city hall yet." "But he vetoed the bus franchise and will Morgan like that?" "That guy's nuts for bucking the Morgan crowd." "Here's the screwiest one yet." "Advertising for commissioner of public works." "Boys, here's the payoff!" "He just fired Police Commissioner Moriarity!" " He did?" " Yeah!" "Good morning, Mr. Moriarity." "Say, Mayo... what in thunderatiors the meaning of this?" "Now what?" "Now what?" "I'm fired!" " No!" " Yes!" "Holy cats, what next?" "Say, Mayo, he can't get away with this." "I've been police commissioner for..." "Of course he can't, Dan." "Now, wait a minute." "I'll talk to him." "Is the mayor in his office?" "He just stepped out to lunch, Mr. Mayo." "Yes, he would." "Who with?" "I'm not sure, sir... but he said something about a Mr. Wang." "Wang?" "Wang?" "Wang..." "That Chink again." "And I hardly know which way to turn next." "Their method of government is so complicated..." "I cannot understand it." "But you do understand... the difference between right and wrong." "That is always simple." "Continue to act simply and you will be acting wisely." "Yes, but wisdom without experience... is like water without a pail in which to carry it." "Ling Po." "The great sword of Fu Wong?" "It's a treasure I have long sought." "A relic of the ages!" "Would it not please you to feast your eyes upon it?" "Indeed, yes." "Mayor Cobb here?" "He is with Mr. Wang, sir." "Yeah?" "One side, monkey." "Pardon me, sir, but you cannot go down there." "Chee Foo is unpacking the shipment... and will bring the great sword here immediately." "Hey, Cobb!" "I got a message for you." "Just two words." "And they are?" "Lay off!" "Lay where?" "You got me." "This comes straight from Morgan." "He don't like the way you're actir." "I take that for a threat." "I'll say it's a threat." "Mr. Strozzi, you irritate me." "Your childish threats are very annoying." "Yeah?" "You seek to frighten with a wickedness you think is new." "Why, in China, they've dealt with... bandits like you for 4,000 years." "This ain't China." "I'm liable to forget that it isn't." "I may resort to a Chinese system... that is centuries old and cut off your heads." "Ha ha!" "And if I start beheading, I'll begin with you." "Say, look here, Cobb... if you think that you're gonna..." "What the..." "Trying to throw a scare into me, eh?" "May I bid you good day, Mr. Strozzi?" "Now let's look upon the great sword of Fu Wong." "Just remember what I told you!" "And to think that this is the very sword... with which the great Fu Wong... beheaded every bandit in the city of Gang Wo." "Don't forget!" "We mean business!" "It's still very sharp." "Just watch out." "That's all." "What time did he say he'd be back?" "2:00." "Ehh... it's 3:00 now." "Good afternoon, Mr. Mayo." "Hey, what's been keeping you?" "I'm sorry I'm late." "I had to buy some cigarettes." "Well, that Pratt dame sells matches, too... and they're cheaper." "Say, you young idiot!" "Idiot?" "You fired the police commissioner." "I'm quite aware of the fact." "Well, why?" "I learned he was accepting graft." "Oh, you don't mean it." "Now listen, Cobby, this has got to stop." "It's all right to make a bluff of reform... but you're going too far." "You're busting up the whole machine." " Machine?" " The system!" "The system it's taken us years to build." "Now there's enough gravy washing around this town... to put us all on easy street... and just when we get it organized... you think we're gonna let a little cockeyed fool like..." "Mr. Mayo, I like you." "Hey?" "I've never known any white men." "Well, except my father and you." "A fine man, my father." "Ahh." "He's devoted his life to the needy in China." "Taught them, cared for the sick... helped them in times of famine." "You know, you're very much like my father." "Huh?" "Now, this is no time for kidding." "No, I'm serious." "I believe you would do that." "You would help the needy." "You would make sacrifices for them." "And on top of that, you're a crook, aren't you?" "Well, what of it?" "Now, that's what I like about you." "You're so honest in your dishonesty... that at heart I believe you're honest." "Say that again, kinda slow like." "That gives me a thought." "Get me the City Press Association." "W-what are you up to?" "I've solved a problem." "City Press Association?" "I've just appointed a police commissioner... to replace Daniel Moriarity." "Well, who are you gonna..." "I just appointed Mr. Jake Mayo." "Hey, you can't do that." "Wait!" "It's done." "Holy cats." "And he fires me because he says..." "I didn't agree with some guy named Ling Po." "I'm telling you, Chief... that Chink joint gave me the creeps." "You should have seen it!" "Oh, forget it." "When were you notified, Dan?" "This morning, right out of a clear sky!" "And all he kept talking about was cutting off my head." "He dug up the dirt about that gambling joint... and spilled the whole story to the papers." "And you know he vetoed the bus franchise, too." "All right, we'll give him one more chance." "The board of aldermen have just passed the bill... awarding the street cleaning contract to my company." "If he vetoes that... we'll start to move in on him and we'll move fast." "Take him for a ride, eh?" "No." "No, there's a better way than that... to put him out of the way." "I tell you, I won't be police commissioner!" "What'll my friends think?" "What'll my..." "Say, will you pay some attention to me?" "Oh, pardon me." "What were you saying?" "L..." "I don't want to be police commissioner." "Why not?" "Well, you can't make a silk sow..." "You can't make a sow's purse..." "Well, anyway, you can't!" "He who has lived in the jungle... is best equipped to fight wild beasts." " What?" " Ling Po." "What do you mean live in a jungle?" "$700,000." "That's rather a high figure, isn't it?" "Eh, what?" "Yes, of course it is." "There's another one for $200,000 less." "Jake Mayo..." "police commissioner." "Think of my reputation." "Isn't that company as good as this one?" "Sure it is, but it ain't Morgars." "And if you think I'm going Reform at my age, you're crazy!" "L..." "What are you doing?" "I'm going to veto this bill." "Now, wait a minute, son." "I'd go easy on that one if I were you." "For what reason?" "Well, that's Morgars pet graft." "I don't think you'd live to be an old man... if you vetoed that." "Why, you heard what I just said, didn't you?" "Yes, but what else could I do?" "If Morgan controls the company, it's obviously dishonest." "Well, that settles it." "Son... you're talking to the best police commissioner... this town ever had." "Put it there." "Hey, what are you looking at?" "I'm looking at the moon." "Oh." "Yeah." "There's a moon." "Uh, yes." "And I was thinking what a beautiful time... that I have with you, Miss Pet." "Why, China, you outdo yourself." "Well, it's all quite true." "An evening spent with you benefits me... like an evening talking to my friend Tien Wang." "The Chinaman?" "Oh." "Oh, well, that's great." "You mean you enjoy my mind?" "Oh, I do." "I find it quite first-rate." "It's much better than going out with a beautiful woman." "I hear all you say." "Perhaps you'd enjoy it even more... if we spent the evening on the telephone." "Oh, well, no." "But it would be charming talking to you on the telephone." "And save a lot of walking." "We could take turns dropping nickels." "Yeah, that'd be very amusing." "Wouldrt it, though?" "And thrilling!" "I can hardly wait." "I believe we're arriving at our destination." "Oh, well, after all, beauty's only skin deep." "Oh, Mr. Cobb?" " Mr. Cobb!" " Yes?" "I must see you right away." "May I?" "Well, I..." "Why, it's Miss Skin Deep herself." "Oh, it's so terribly important." "I must talk to you." "Please!" "Please!" "Enter the thrush, exit the crow." "You don't mind?" "Oh, no." "I'm gonna read a book." "To improve my mind, you know." "We must be alone." "Where can we go?" "But we are alone." "We might be interrupted out here in the street." "Let's go inside!" "But..." "Just a moment!" "Maybe I'm a fool to do this." "I don't know." "I don't know anything!" "Well, that's quite possible, but..." "Uh..." "Wait a minute!" "But what are we doing in here?" "Yes!" "This is my bedroom." "It is?" "Oh, I know you think this is bold of me." "And I'm not really bold, Mr. Cobb, if you knew me." "Well, as I remember you at our last meeting... you were not exactly timid." "Who's that?" "Don't open the door!" "Well, why not?" "They mustrt see me." "What would they think?" "Send them away!" "Cobby!" "J-just a minute!" "Don't let him in, please!" " Cobby!" " Please!" "Well, very well." "Now, don't worry." " Cobby!" " Yes, yes." "Say, I want to talk to you." "Just a minute." "Let's go down to the parlor." "It's much more comfortable there." "Well, I wouldn't be comfortable no matter where we were." "Yeah, well, there's a draft in here." "You might catch something." "We'll... we'll go down to the parlor." "Is there anything the matter?" "There must be." "Now, listen, Cobby, the towrs hot with rumors." "They're saying that you got a slice of that company... that you gave the street cleaning job to." "That your graft is making Morgan look like a piker." "Why, they've even called out the grand jury... and they've got 'em pointed right at you." "They got something on you and you know it!" "Maybe you know a lot of things." "Say, if you got a split in that company... you must've grabbed off 50 grand." "Ah, no wonder you vetoed Morgars bill." "And you preaching to me about honesty." "I guess I'm pretty dumb after all." "Yeah, he's too smart for you, Jake." "Say..." "Well, what do you mean?" "He's got a mind, he has." "What a mind." "Why, to figure out a nifty little double-cross... is just child's play for him." "Double-cross?" "Him?" "!" "Why not?" "Gravy's gravy, you know." "They even put it on chop suey." "Why, you little..." "If I wasrt a gentleman, I'd..." "Him?" "A crook?" "Why he hasn't got brains enough to be crooked." "Well, that's true." "But if he did have, he wouldn't be." "If ever a white man was dead on the level... you're lookir at one right there." "Are you sure of that?" "You can bet your life I'm sure of it!" "Well, then I can go back to my book." "Yeah." "You..." "Now, don't you worry, Cobby." "They can't fool me with their rumors." "It's just that..." "Say, will you listen to me?" "Oh, y-yes, of course." "Aw, never mind." "Forget it and go to bed." "Now, I'll take care of everything." " Bed!" " I know their game." "I played it myself." "It's a big bluff." "Just a big play for public feeling." "Uh, yes, of course." "But it's a cinch... they haven't got anything on you so far... because I've been stickir too close to you." "And from now on, son, I'm a porous plaster... because we gotta be careful." "Now, don't you go out tonight." "I'll see you at the office first thing in the morning." "So far, so good." "Now, don't forget." "Go right to bed." "Yes, right away!" "At least almost right away." "Oh, Mr. Cobb, save me!" "The fighting mayor!" "Look out!" "Hurry!" "Oh, thank you, Mr. Cobb!" "You're so brave!" "Oh, close the window quick!" "They may come back!" "Uh, I..." "I hope they didn't hurt you." "No." "They were after these letters." "Oh, how can I explain?" "My honor is at stake!" "Your honor?" "I'm so afraid." "I know they'll follow me... and if they ever steal these letters... I..." "I can't bear to think of it!" "Now, now, please..." "Mr. Cobb, you have a safety deposit box... in the bank, haven't you?" "Yes, but..." "Then keep this for me, please!" "Keep it as a sacred trust." "Now, if you don't mind, I'd rather..." "Oh, it means so much to me!" "It means my honor!" "My life!" "It means..." "Oh, the shame of it all!" "Well, now..." "Oh, very well." "I shall deposit it." "Darling!" "Yes, but now it's much against my better judgment." "That makes it so much sweeter of you, you dear man!" "Yes, now if I may bid you good night." "Promise you'll put that envelope... in your safety deposit box first thing in the morning?" "Yes, I will." "On your way to the office?" " Yes, yes." " Promise!" "Yes, I shall promise." "Oh, darling!" "Pet..." "Well, that's one thing you can't do over the telephone." "But... but the lady was merely expressing her gratitude... for a small favor that..." "Favor?" "You flatter yourself." "Miss Pet, I would like to explain." "Wipe the lipstick off your mouth and go to bed!" "Miss Pet!" "This makes me realize a very important fact." "Yes?" "What?" "Well, I can't shout it through a closed door." "Then keep it to yourself." "But I must tell you!" "I find I'm profoundly attached to you." "I believe I love you." "In fact, I know I love you!" "I'd like you to marry me." "Would you marry me, Miss Pet?" "I love you!" "Go to bed, you idiot!" "Listen, Neal, this grand jury stuff's a bluff." "It's all a bluff." "I know that Morgan sicced you on the kid... and you'd try to get something on him... but you ain't got nothir yet and you never will have." "Nevertheless, I'm going to challenge him... to turn over to me the key to his safety deposit box... in the National Bank." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "And if he refuses, I'll get out a court order... permitting me to open it." "Well, you won't have to." "You can open it any time you want... and that's how much I'm sold on that kid." "Yeah?" "Mayor Cobb is calling you, Mr. Mayo." "Oh." "Hello, Cobby." "I'm down in the lobby, Mr. Mayo." "Yes, I'll be a little late for that conference." "I've got to buy some cigarettes." "Oh, you can see her tonight." "Come right up, will you?" "The district attorney's here." "No, wait a minute." "Meet me at the bank right away." "I'm coming down there with a couple of friends of mine." "Now, Mr. Neal, I'm just gonna call your bluff." "Well, since you're so confident... perhaps you'd like to have the newspapermen present." "Sure, bring 'em along." "They can publish a story... that'll squash your dirty rumors once and for all." "All right." "Ned, phone the boys... and tell 'em to meet us at the bank." "Yeah." "Ha ha ha!" "City Press Association." "Well, what's the betting, boys?" "District attorney in one round." "I'll take Cobb by a knockout." "They're in their corners!" "Ah, here they are now." "Well, how are you, Mr. Mayor?" "Good morning, gentlemen." "It seems a rather unusual request, but..." "Well, I have no objections to your opening the box... providing you touch nothing of a personal nature." "We're interested in nothing... except evidence of political corruption." "Well, naturally, you'll not find that in there." "Ha ha!" "You said it or Old Man Mayo... would never have brought you here." "If you'll follow me, gentlemen." "Do these old nostrils deceive me, boys... or do I smell dynamite?" "There you are, gentlemen, if you care to examine it." "Put on your glasses, Neal, you're going to need 'em." "2 to 1 it's full of rice." "Heh..." "What's that?" "A passport." "Ah, the mayor himself." "Well, that ought to prove something." "That Chinese photography doesn't do you justice, Mr. Cobb." "Grab again, Neal." "This is lots of fun." "What's that?" ""Proverbs of Ling Po." A first edition, too." " Got any pictures in it?" " Read us a couple of proverbs." "Now, there's evidence of corruption, Neal." "Just a minute, gentlemen, just a minute." "What's this?" "Now, that I must forbid you to open." "May I ask why?" "Well, it has nothing whatsoever to do with my administration." "Well, what is it, son?" "Well, I really don't know." "It was entrusted to my care." "Well, let's open it." "Certainly not!" "I'm sure it contains papers of a very personal nature." "I'll bet it does." "Say, son, why didn't you tell me?" "It certainly arouses my curiosity." "Give me that envelope, Mr. Neal." "Now, this is going too far." "Now, just a moment, Mr. Cobb." "Why are you afraid to open this?" "I cannot." "It's a matter of honor." "Yes, I'll say it is... and I'm going to find out whose honor..." "How dare you!" "Give me that!" "Now, wait a minute, son." "He can get a court order and do it anyway." "But I won't let him do this!" "I can't let him do this!" "Tell me, what's in the envelope?" "Papers of a very personal nature, Mr. Mayo." "Would you like to see them?" "Well, I'll be..." "Can you beat it?" "Gentlemen, you'll recall that Mr. Cobb... vetoed a bill giving the street cleaning contract... to the Great Excelsior Company..." "What has that got to do..." "And then awarded the contract to the Northeastern Company." "Were you in any way interested... in the Northeastern Company, Mr. Cobb?" "Not in the least." "Then how do you account for these 1,500 shares of stock... in that company made out in your name?" "What?" "Say, what kind of a cockeyed game is this?" "You say there's stock made out there in my name?" "!" "Plenty." "And shares in... the Golden City Bus Company as well." "Another of your vetoes, Mr. Cobb." "And I thought he was a sap." "Gee, this story tops them all." "Well, boys, an open-and-shut case if ever there was one." "Looks like curtains, Mr. Cobb." "Say, son, what does it mean?" "Ain't you gonna say nothing?" "If your enemy's jewels be found in your pouch... utter no word... for silence is the friend of the accused." "Ling Po." "What's the matter, China?" "Been to a funeral?" "Package of Nickels, please." "Last night, Miss Pet, in a moment of stress..." "I asked you to become my wife." "Stress?" "What do you mean stress?" "Well, if you don't mind..." "I would like to withdraw that request." "Oh." "Changed your mind?" "Yes." "Well, there werert any witnesses... so I can't sue." "What's wrong with me?" "Don't I match in daylight?" "Oh, on the contrary." "You're more desirable now than ever." "Well, that's something." "But I..." "Well, if I ever was desirable..." "I've ceased to be." "Oh, your beauty almost drove me mad." "You're derisive." "Well, I hardly blame you." "I see now what a joke it was when I was elected mayor." "I also realize that I'm not equipped... to fit into this civilization." "My place is in Sheng Tu at my father's side." "In China, I wasrt funny, Miss Pet." "I was even useful at times." "I should never have left." "Come on, Cobby, the boys are up in your office." "They're waiting for a conference." "What's happened, Jake?" "Frame-up." "He's sunk." "Say, if I told you the story he told me... you wouldn't believe he could be so dumb." "I certainly would." "I'm a firm believer in the gentlemars dumbness." "How'd they do it?" "Morgars dame." "Ooh, the old-fashioned girl." "Come on, Cobby." "We better hurry." "Stay with him, China... for the glory of old Ling Po!" "Come on, son." "They're in the conference room." "If ever a crook was caught red-handed..." "Why, they've got enough evidence... to send him to jail till Doomsday." "They'll rush his conviction, too." "He hasn't a chance." "The main thing to do is to protect the organization." "We've got to issue a statement to the press... publicly disavowing him." "That won't be necessary, gentlemen." "Cobb!" "Well, Cobb, after all, we can't help..." "No." "To help me, you would have to defy... the racketeers that control this town." "That'd endanger your property or your lives." "You'd be afraid to do it." "Just a moment, Cobb!" "You're not only cowardly, you're selfish." "Your only thought is to save yourselves." "Well, you needrt worry about your reputation, gentlemen." "You need not disavow me." "I'm going to disavow you." "Now, hold on, Cobb..." "It is I who shall issue a statement to the press... repudiating you and your whole party." "From this moment, I'm my own political organization." "A party of one." "I shall stand alone or fall alone." "I bid you good morning." "Holy cats!" "Now what are you gonna do?" "I think I'll buy some cigarettes." "Extra paper!" "Governor to remove Mayor Cobb!" "Thanks for the lunch, China." "Extra!" "Governor to remove Mayor Cobb!" "Uh-oh." "Wort be long now." "No." "Mr. Mayo has told me... that my removal by the governor is certain." "By tomorrow, I shall no longer be mayor." "Well, how about today?" "One day?" "Why, in weeks as mayor I've accomplished nothing." "The men who could have helped me... they've hampered me." "And you've thrown them all out, haven't you?" "Yes." "I've no obligations to anyone." "I stand as head of the city alone." "Sort of a dictator, huh?" "Why not?" "Say... 24 hours." "Dictator." "But, Cobby, you can't do that!" "You couldn't get away with it." "I've never had to pull a job like that before." "Now, you don't know what you're saying!" "Why, it's lawless!" "Lawless?" "It's loony!" "It can't be done!" "Say, what are you reading?" "Oh." "Mr. Shigley..." "I appointed you chief of police... because Mr. Mayo told me that I could depend upon you." "You can, Mr. Cobb..." "Pat'll stand by you, son." "He's for you." "But this is impossible!" "Why?" "Why is it impossible to arrest... every known gangster and racketeer in the city?" "We gotta have evidence!" "Why?" "Because it's the law, that's why!" " Disregard the law." " What?" "!" "Now, listen, Cobby..." "I know you're all upset, and it's kind of got you... off your nut and I don't blame you... but what you want to do is ridiculous!" "Sure, we know every grafter, every gangster in this town." "Know 'em like a book, and we'd like to get... the goods on 'em just as much as you." "Why, there's a hundred murders, robberies... every crime encountered we ain't ever solved... though we know these fellas did them... but we ain't got nothing on 'em." "You'll arrest them all... with or without evidence." "But, Mr. Mayor, if I did that..." "Don't worry." "I'll take the responsibility." "But it won't do no good!" "Morgan will have them all out in no time!" "Arrest Morgan, too." "Arrest Morgan?" "!" "Say, now listen, Cobby, even so... we'd be up to our necks in writs of habeas corpus." "Sure, you couldn't hold him in jail 20 minutes." "Pardon me?" "You couldn't keep him in jail, don't you understand?" "You're not to put them in jail." "Sure, you just said to arrest them." "Yes... and deliver them... to the great cellar of Tien Wang." "Where?" "The basement below the antique store... of Tien Wang in Chinatown." "Hold them there with an armed guard." "Say, you have gone nuts!" "Well, of all the crazy..." "Did you ever hear the story of Fu Wong?" "No!" "I suppose he was Ling Po's grandfather." "When Fu Wong was about to be executed... by the wicked mandarin Li... he took the city with sudden onslaught... and for 48 hours, he ruled supreme." "During that time... he cleansed the wicked city of Gang Wo... where he seized every cruel and dishonest official... and cut off their heads." "Sure, son, that's a nice story, but let's..." "Then he gave himself up to the emperor... and although honored for his noble deed... was himself executed... because the law had been broken." "Say, listen, son, we ain't got time... to read the history of China!" "Tien Wang has in his possession... the very sword used in beheading those bandits." "Think of that!" "I'm thinking of your crazy idea of rounding up these gangsters." "What are you gonna do with them?" "What do you want 'em in the cellar for?" "You leave that to me." "What do you got in mind, son?" "Now, remember, you ain't in China." "Now, if you don't wish to carry out my orders... you may resign." "Well, I'll stand by you, son, but I wish you'd tell me." "And you?" "All right, I'll round 'em up for you, but..." "Then do so." "Say, son, you ain't gonna do anything..." "Well, come on, Pat, let's shoot the peace." "And of all the cockeyed ideas..." "I'll have to strike suddenly and all at one time." "Say, at 7:00." "Yes, and you'll have to work fast." "Say, what was that story... about the guy who cut off their heads?" "Ah, a lot of hooey to me." "You don't suppose that..." "No, of course not." "But still..." "He's full of those Chinese ideas." "Oh, but he wouldn't." "Now, don't worry, Pat." "I suppose it's all right." "Now, don't worry, I tell you." "Don't worry." "But do you suppose he's really got... the sword of that Chinese guy?" "Pack up, boys." "We're moving." "Pete, take 'em all." "On your feet, mugs." "You're going for a ride." "Hey, boys." "Ed, take care of 'em." "All right, you boys, the mayor's giving a party... and you're all invited!" "We're in for it!" "Must be a parade." "Hello, Gil." "Just have time for a cup of coffee." "No, you haven't." "Come on!" "I got a perfect alibi." "Come on, Eddie." "Gonna take a little ride." "Wait a minute, Merv." " Come on." " What's it all about?" "Search me." "Just got orders to run you all in." "10 cents for the shoe shine, please, boss." "Oh, yes." "Yes, of course." "OK!" "I don't belong to this gang!" "Come on, Joey." "You're pinched." "Huh?" "What for?" "Search me." "Mayor's orders." "Oh, give me a chance to get my hair cut." "Come on." "Never mind the..." "What the...?" "!" "Say, youse ain't got nothir on me!" "Well, put something on and come along." "Now, wait a minute!" "Wait a minute!" "You want me to come clean, don't you?" "Hey, stop that!" "Listen here, where are we going?" "What's the idea?" "Hey, why the ice wagon?" "We haven't got enough patrols for this roundup." "Hey!" "By the way, you can't hold us!" "I tell you, I don't know... anything more about it than you do." "What kind of a joint is this?" "What are you doing, holding a convention, Jake?" "Bah." "I guess they moved the jail to Chinatown." "Hey, mister, I don't belong to this here gang." "Hey!" "Come on!" "What are you fighting for, you sap?" "They can't hold us." "Oh, what are we gonna do, play a game or something?" "Yeah." "The idea of this game is "Try and get out."" " Oh, yeah?" " Yeah!" "Some of Mad Cobb's little playmates, huh?" "Yeah." "Sort of a Chinese chain gang." "Must be a sightseeir tour of Chinatown." "Oh, Jake!" "Boy, what a mob." "How's it coming?" "Right on schedule." "Ain't missed a one." " Got 'em all in the cellar?" " Yeah." " Disarmed?" " Yeah." " Where's the mayor?" " Down with 'em." " What's he doing?" " I don't know!" "Well, why don't you find out?" "He won't let me down." "He won't even talk to me." "Pat, we never should have let him do this." "Don't I know it." "Listen, Jake, you're me boss." "Give me the word and I'll call it off." "I can't, Pat." "I can't call it off now." "Promised the darn fool I'd stick with him." "And I've gotta stick." "What an idiot I've turned out to be." "Well, I'm off to get Morgan." "Yeah." "What's the idea of bringing us down here for?" "No time for riddles." "Come on." "Say, I know this joint." "That Chink friend of the mayor." "Say, Mayo, what are you trying to pull around here?" " What's your gag?" " My gag?" "It ain't mine, brother." "Ask the mayor." "Where is he?" "Down the cellar with every crook in Stockport." "Say, he can't get away with this!" "He's... he's gone nuts!" "That's just what I'm afraid of." "You mean..." "He keeps jabbering about bandits in China." "And now he won't talk to nobody but them Chinks in the cellar." "Is that big Chink with the sword down there?" "It's full of Chinks." "Come on, Strozzi, down the cellar." " I won't go!" " Come on." "You can't do this to me, I tell ya!" "I'll..." "I'll phone Morgan!" "You won't have to." "He'll be here." "You... you pinched Morgan?" "!" "What's he saying?" "Who do you think I am, a Chink?" "Go on, get down there." "All right, all right, I'm going!" "Hey, listen, Cobb..." "What are you trying to get away with..." "What's the idea of this Chink stuff, you mug?" "What did you tell that guy?" "Hey, wait a minute." "You gorillas can't muscle me around like this." "Let go of me!" "Morgarll have youse deported!" "Ow!" "This is an outrage." "I'm going to see the district attorney." "He's r-right over t-there." "Ha ha!" "Why, you can't hold me, Shigley." "I'll be out of here in a half hour... on a writ of habeas corpus." "You know that." "Maybe, but you'll have to write it in Chinese." "Bah!" "What's the matter with you, Mayo?" "You losing your mind?" "That's just what I'm doing." "Well, you better find it and you better find it right away." "If I only knew what that guy was gonna do down that cellar." "Pat!" "That story..." "Do you remember?" "The Chink that cut off their heads!" "The very sword." "Holy cats!" "Hey, you!" "Let me go!" "I gotta stop it!" "Let me go, I tell you!" "L-l-look!" "Let me go you, fool!" "Let me go!" "I've gotta go down that cellar!" "Boy, what a razor!" "Cobby!" "Cobby!" "Cobby!" "Heavens, man, what are you doing?" "Mr. Mayo, I requested you remain upstairs." "But, Cobby, that sword..." "Cobby, will you stop that business and listen to me?" "Now you're going too far, son, you're going..." "Son, you gotta lay off this stuff!" "You don't know what you're doing!" "The chief." " Morgan?" " The big chief." "Nice little show, Cobb." "Go right ahead." "Mister, I don't belong to this here gang." "Call it off, Cobby, please!" "What good will it do you?" "Do me?" "Well, I'm not thinking of myself." "I'm destroyed." "Of course, that's of little importance." "It is important however that the rulership of this city... must not revert to these gangsters and racketeers." "That's why I'm going to destroy them." "If your enemy force you over the edge of the cliff... death is sweeter if you leap with his body in your arms." "Ling Po." "If you're just trying to scare 'em, Mr. Cobb... it's no use." "This bunch is too wise." "Scare them?" "Gentlemen, I'm not trying to frighten you." "I'm simply offering you information." "You're all aware of the political frame-ups... the corruption, the many crimes... that have gone unpunished in this city." "If any of you are guilty... or know who is guilty of these crimes... you may confess." "If you do not care to confess... you will be executed." "I failed to accomplish anything with your American methods... therefore I'm going to adopt the ancient Chinese system." "You mean cut off their heads?" "!" "I will now give you... two minutes to decide whether you wish... to sign a written confession." "The choice is yours." "Prison or the next world." "In any event, Stockport will be rid of you... as it will be rid of me." "Aw, nuts." "I guess we're supposed to be scared or somethir." "Oh, it's a lot of hooey." "Don't you think?" "Sure." "He's only kidding." "Boy, I hope he's only k-k-kidding." "You know, that guy's just screwy enough to do it." "I beg your pardon... but I said I don't belong to this here gang." "Cobby, you can't do this!" "That Chink stuff don't go here!" "You're not in China!" "You... you..." "Will you stop grinding that sword?" "!" "Silence, please!" "Stop him, Jake!" "Cobby, listen to me!" "You can't do this!" "Cobby, you've got to listen to me!" "Let..." "let me go, you fool!" "Let go of me, I tell ya!" "Cobby!" "Cobby!" "Please, Cobby!" "Cobby, this means the electric chair!" "Aw, stop him, Ed!" "You're a rotten actor, Jake." "Mr. Cobb!" "Mr. Cobb!" "Will you please listen to me?" "!" "Please!" "Mr. Cobb!" "Hey, wait a minute!" "Why pick on me?" "Hey, let's go in turns!" "He was here before me!" "O-oh, I w-was not." "Go on." "What's that for?" "What are you scared of, you fool?" "It's only a bluff." "I know it's only a bluff... but why didn't they pick someone else first?" "Say, listen, old fella, my doctor says..." "I ain't supposed to have any excitement." "I got liver trouble." "Hey, you ain't really gonna do this!" "Don't do that, please!" "Save me, somebody!" "Don't do it!" "Aah!" "He's done it." "Ohh!" "Cobby!" "You can't do this!" "Cobby!" "Cobby, you got to listen to me!" "Mr. Morgan, your hat, please." "Thank you." "Would you care to loosen your collar?" "Ow!" "Ohhh..." "Ohh!" "I don't belong to this gang!" "Don't do it!" "Don't do it!" "Take them Chinks away!" "Take them away, I tell ya!" "I'll talk!" "I'll talk!" "Oh, you wish to confess?" "Yes, yes, anything!" "Don't cut off my head!" "Don't!" "Do you know anything about those securities... found in my safety deposit box?" "Yeah!" "Morgan done it!" "It was a frame-up!" "He done it, I tell you!" "I'll talk!" "Only take 'em away!" "Take them away!" "Hey, Cobby!" "Get that in writing!" "Will you sign a confession to that effect?" "Yes, yes!" "I'll sign!" "I'll sign!" "Anything!" "Hey, Cobby!" "Cobby!" "Cobby!" "Let me loose!" "Let me loose!" "How did..." "By golly, son, this clears you!" "Mr. Strozzi, if there's any crimes of your own... that you wish to confess, don't hesitate to do so." "Pardon me, sir." "Would you care to confess?" "Will you... will you call off these Chinks?" "You'll be unarmed." "All right." "I did it." "You did what?" "I bumped him off." "You bumped whom off what?" "Sid Bacon." "You know?" "You know?" "!" "Ohh, of course." "Would you be good enough to put that in writing?" "Why, sure." "Sure I will." "Sure!" "Yeah!" "I won't talk!" "No?" "No!" "Um, Mr. Moriarity, I'd appreciate it... if you'd give me a full account of the corruption... in the public offices during Mr. Morgars administration." "How do you spell murder?" "Huh?" "Just say you bumped him off." "I'll talk." "I c-c-conf-f-f..." "Write it." "S-s-sure!" "Ha ha ha!" ""Dear Mr. Cobb..."" "By this most unusual method... he obtained confessions of guilt... of every unsolved crime of recent years." "Attaboy, China!" "He has not only vindicated himself... but purged the city of countless criminals... and completely smashed the corrupt political machine... of former Mayor Morgan." "Yes?" "It is I, Miss Pet!" "Oh, you." "What do you want?" "I have an important statement to make." "Well, what is it?" "Wort you please come to the door?" "Uh, I can't." "I'm dressing." "Miss Pet, you remember that I recently... proposed marriage to you and later retracted that proposal." "I now wish to retract that retraction." "Say, will you make up your mind?" "It is made up, Miss Pet." "I want to ask..." "Wait a minute!" "Wait a minute!" "This time you'll put it in writing." "It's pretty good rice." "I am happy you like it." "That was a great stunt you pulled, Wangy old boy." " It was darn clever." " Yes." "Of course, you never fooled me for a minute." "Oh, no, of course not." "But the boys sure fell for it, the saps." "Ha ha ha!" "Mr. And Mrs. Cobb, sir." "What?" "Well, a cordial greeting, my won'thy friends." "Say, you didn't marry him?" "I didn't, huh?" "You think that's painted on there?" "Well, I'll be." "Where is he?" "He's telephoning the office." "He'll be right in." "May I offer you my humble felicitations?" "Thanks, Mr. Wang." "We just dropped in to say good-bye." "We're leaving for China tomorrow." "You're what?" "!" "You tell him." "Say, Pet, he can't do that!" "Why not?" "It's his idea." "So... he wants to go back to China." "Say, you young idiot!" "I beg your pardon?" "You can't walk out on this job!" "What do you want to go back to China for?" "China?" "Well, I'm not sure that I do." "Say, will you two get together on this?" "Why, Ezekiel, dear, didn't you convince me... that your duty... our duty..." "lies in China?" "Well, I did think..." "Oh, and after filling me with all those beautiful ideals." "Oh, well, I'll get a divorce!" "Well, now, Miss Pet..." "We're going to China." "Now, I don't want to be rude, but we're not going to China." "We're going to China." "We're not going to China." "We're going to China." "We're not going to China!" "Holy cats!" "What do they need of me in China?" "This city needs a missionary more than China ever did!" "I have work to do in Stockport." "I can clean up this town." "I can't clean up China." "You could try." "Even though defeat be inevitable." "After all, should the lark cease singing... because winter was come?" "Ling Po." "Now you quote me one." "Heh." "All right, I will." "About that lark you mentioned." "After all, should the lark bring worms to the seagulls... when the baby larks are starving in her own nest?" "Ezekiel Cobb."