"You want coffee, don't you, Fred?" "Okay." "Yes?" "Good." "You can take care of us, huh?" "Oh, that's wonderful." "Thank you very much." "Good-bye." "Is it all set, honey?" "Yes, sir, by Wednesday, we'll be lolling in the Palm Springs sun." "Oh, great." "Oh!" "Palm Springs." "Oh, that'll be great." "Play golf and everything, huh, Fred?" "Yes, sir." "Hey, Lucy, are there" "Huh?" "any of those cakes left that we bought at the Farmers Market?" "Oh, gee, I don't know, Ethel." "I'll see if..." "Ethel, we've just had dinner." "Are you gonna feed your face again?" "Well, I just want a little extra something." "From where I'm sitting, you've already got that little extra something." "Here they are." "What are we gonna do tonight?" "I'd like to go to a movie." "Well, let's see." "Look up something good now, Lucy." "Rock Hudson!" "In what?" "In Palm Springs." "Are you looking up a movie?" "No, I'm reading Hedda Hopper." "She says Rock Hudson has returned from a personal appearance tour with his exciting new picture, Captain Lightfoot, and he's resting in Palm Springs." "That's right." "He told me at lunch the other day he was going down there." "Do you know him?" "Here he is hobnobbing with big celebrities every day." "It just doesn't mean a thing to him." "Honey, they're just like anybody else." ""They're just like anybody else." Oh..." "Oh..." "See if you can find a neighborhood movie." "All right." "What's so funny?" "Well, it seems they arrested a woman last night for hitting her husband." "I fail to see anything comical about that." "Well... it was the way it happened." "They were married for 20 years." "He had this irritating habit of cracking his knuckles." "Finally she couldn't stand it and she said," ""Don't crack your knuckles anymore, dear." "Let me do it."" "And she cracked them with a baseball bat!" "Well, they..." "I've often..." "Well, they've finally crossed that thin dividing line." "I don't see why you have to get so hysterical about it." "I don't know, but the idea of someone finally letting go and doing exactly as they've wanted to do for 20 years just kills me." "I know just how she felt." "Yeah, imagine..." "with a baseball bat." "Pow!" "A baseball bat." "Well, she couldn't have loved her husband very much, my goodness, if a little knuckle cracking is all she had to put up with." "What do you mean by that, Lucy?" "What?" ""If a little knuckle cracking is all she had to put up with."" "Oh, I didn't mean anything, dear." "Everybody has little habits that annoy somebody else." "Are you insinuating that I have habits that drive you crazy?" "Honey, I didn't say that you had any annoying habits that drive me crazy." "What do you mean by that?" "Oh, honey, now, you're only human." "All right, go ahead." "Mention one annoying habit that I have." "Go on." "Mention one." "Well, if you insist." "That tapping." "What tapping?" "That tapping." "Oh, well." "Huh." "I never did that before." "Never did it bef..." "Oh, honey!" "You've been tapping those nervous little fingers for 15 years." "Well, I beg your pardon." "Oh, honey, now, don't let it upset you." "Nowadays it doesn't bother me much, but I will admit it used to set my teeth on edge." "Muchas gracias." "Well, are we going to a movie or aren't we?" "Yeah, see what's playing around here, Ethel." "Look in the paper, will you?" "Okay." "At the Pantages is, uh..." "May I say that you're not the only one that has the tith on edge." "Oh?" "Go on." "What is it about me that sets your "tith" on edge?" "No, no, go ahead, tell me what little habit I have that drives you crazy." "Ha, you know what it is." "No, I don't." "You're doing it right now." "I'm not doing anything now." "Is your coffee too hot?" "No." "Then why are you stirring it?" "Every morning for hours and hours and hours." "Tickily tink, tickily tink, tickily tink." "Tickily tink, tickily tink." "Well, that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard." "I'm just stirring it enough to get the cream mixed in." ""Get the cream mixed in."" "You stir it long enough to make butter." "Why, breakfast wouldn't be breakfast without you pounding out "the anvil chorus" on your coffee cup." "Well, I'm very sorry that I set your tith on edge." "And that's another thing." "You're always mucking the way I talk." "That's because there's so much there to "muck."" "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "Well..." "Now wait a minute." "Wait a minute, will you?" "Take it easy." "You're acting like that couple in the paper." "Are we going to a picture or not?" "Not." "Oh, now, you're just acting childish." "Married people are only human." "You just have to learn to overlook these little things." "Sure." "Imagine if I let Ethel's irritating habits get on my nerves." "What irritating habits are you referring to, Frederick?" "It's nothing." "You just said we'd have to overlook these things." "What things?" "Oh, now, let's not be specific, honeybunch." "You'd only get sore." "No, I wouldn't, dear." "Go on, tell me." "Well, here's a little thing." "You enjoy your food so much, you eat it with a lot of..." "Gusto?" "Relish?" "Enthusiasm?" "Well, frankly the word I had in mind was..." "Noise!" "Noise?" "!" "You, you, you asked me and I told you." "Speaking of noise, I have a compliment for you." "For me?" "Well, what is it?" "You going to tell me?" "Yes, just as soon as you finish that chorus of "Jingle Bells."" ""Jingle bells"?" "What are you talking about?" ""Jingle bells."" "So I jingle my keys a little." "A little!" "For 25 years," "I felt like I was married to the Good Humor Man!" "Well, it certainly is very interesting to find out that we've been driving each other crazy all these years." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yes?" "Something bothering you?" "You are deliberately not stirring your coffee." "I am not." "Yes, you are." "I am not deliberately not stirring my coffee." "No me digas lo que estas haciendo." "Look, let me tell you something." "If you expect to argue with me, will you please argue in English?" "How can I answer anything?" "Hey, hey, hey." "I just came from the preliminaries." "I'm glad I'm in time for the main event." "Oh, you, too, huh?" "Yeah, but, uh, our bout was a little bit dull-- all in English." "No international flavor, like yours." "Well, I don't blame Ethel, Fred." "That was terrible, your telling her she chewed like a cow." "Why, if you ever said a thing like that..." "Oh, now, lay off, will you, Lucy?" "I just went ten rounds with Old Bossy." "Aah." "Oh, there you are." "I want the key to the trunk unless you need it to play a tune." "How'd you like to hear a couple of choruses of "Cow Cow Boogie"?" "Fred, you take that back!" "All right, I'll take that back." "What's the matter with all of us?" "We're snapping at each other like four cats in a sack." "We are, aren't we?" "Yes, we are, and I know why we're getting on each other's nerves." "Why?" "Because we've been together too much on this trip." "Any four people that have spent this much time together are bound to get sick of each other." "Lucy, I think you've hit it." "Yeah." "So the four of us are gonna go to Palm Springs and share a bungalow." "Oh, dear." "Well, there's just one thing to do:" "One couple go to Palm Springs, the other couple stay here." "Oh, that doesn't seem fair." "Well, it's the only way, Ethel." "We'll tell you all about it when we get back." "Wait a minute." "How come you're the couple that's going?" "Yeah." "Oh, I don't know." "I just picked a couple at random and it was us." "No, no, I'll tell you what we'll do." "We'll flip a coin." "Heads, the Mertzes will go; tails, we go." "Okay?" "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "We're going at this thing all wrong." "We're planning to spend the weekend with the person who annoys us the most." "Oh, yeah." "We're paired off wrong." "Now she tells me." "All right, so who's gonna go to Palm Springs?" "Either Ethel and I, or Fred and you." "Okay." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Okay." "Shall I flip the coin?" "All right, heads, we go; tails, you stay." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "You won't catch me with that again." "That's how I happened to get married." "Oh..." "So I made a mistake." "Uh, heads, we go; tails, you go." "That's better." "All right?" "Okay." "Two out of three." "Lucy..." "Three out of five." "Four out of seven." "All right, all right." "You and Ethel go to Palm Springs." "Have a good time." "You mean it?" "It's either that or 223 out of 349." "It says here this is the first time it's rained in Palm Springs during this month in 20 years." "No kidding." "Well, leave it to us to pick this time." "Any break in the clouds?" "Huh?" "Any break in the clouds?" "Oh, I wasn't looking at that." "I thought maybe a movie star would float by." "You know, the waiter told me this morning that Rock Hudson's staying in that bungalow next door." ""Palm Springs-- where the sunshine spends the winter."" "Where's the sun?" "Maybe it couldn't get a room." "Well, I'm going in and take a nap with the baby." "Okay, Mother." "I wonder what the boys are doing in Hollywood." "Oh, they're probably down at the pool swimming and sunning." "And jingling and tapping." "Jelly." "Do you want some more coffee?" "Nope." "Oh!" "Cherry." "Mmm..." "Mmm..." "Whoa-ho-ho-ho!" "Mmm, mmm, mmm." "Ethel, will you stop it?" "!" "I can't stand it another minute!" "Stand what?" "What was I doing?" "What's the matter with you?" "Can't you eat quietly?" "You sound like a cow pulling its foot out of the mud." "I am getting a little tired of being called a cow." "Well, do you have to make so much noise?" "Yes." "Yes, I do." "I have to do something to drown out the sound of your clinking." "I'm going stir-crazy." "Well, I beg your pardon." "Oh, I'm sorry, Ethel." "I guess my nerves are on edge." "I wish we hadn't come on this trip at all." "I miss Ricky." "I can top that." "I miss Fred." "I wish they were down here right now, taps, clinks and all." "So do I." "Well, let's call them up and tell them to come down right away, huh?" "Okay!" "Oh, wait a minute." "You can't do that." "Why not?" "Well, if you call them up, it'll be just admitting that we were wrong and that we miss them." "Well, we were wrong, and we do miss them." "You can't tell a husband a thing like that!" "You'll set wives back 2,000 years." "Oh, don't be silly." "I'm ready to forgive and forget." "You forgive and they'll never let you forget." "Well, how else are we gonna get them down here?" "Oh, there must be another way." "We can think of something." "Is it ever gonna stop raining?" "Aw, what's the difference?" "The ball game's called off." "Nuts!" "Just when I had a chance to see the Hollywood stars." "Well, we can't play golf and we can't go swimming." "What are we gonna do?" "Well, if this rain keeps coming down, we might as well start building an ark." "Well, we got to do something besides just sit in this room." "Well, we can always go and sit in my room." "Very clever remark." "Heh, heh, heh, heh." "I liked it." "Do you have to jingle those keys?" "!" "Will you stop that tapping?" "!" "You know, the way we're snapping at each other, you'd think we were married." "Yeah." "You know what I think it is?" "What?" "Well, this might sound crazy to you, but I think we miss our wives." "Oh, come now." "No, really." "I miss Lucy." "You don't suppose I miss Ethel?" "Why else would you be acting so cranky and irritable?" "Well, my liver could be out of whack." "Come on!" "Let's go join them." "Let's get out of this miserable rain and into that wonderful Palm Springs sunshine." "We gotta have a story." "We just can't run down there there and say we miss 'em." "Well..." "Get that." "Hello." "Palm Springs." "Maybe the girls." "Hello?" "Uh-uh." "Yes, this is Ricky Ricardo." "Oh, yes." "Yes..." "Oh, ye... sure." "I could come..." "I could leave right away." "Okay." "Thank you." "That would be wonderful." "This is perfect." "That was Dore Schary's secretary." "She wants me to come to Palm Springs and meet with Dore for a picture." "Gee, what a break!" "Isn't that great?" "Great." "Go pack your bags." "Oh, boy!" "What a recipe for chocolate cake." "Oh, Ethel, you're always thinking about something to eat." "Come on, baby." "On to Mom, darling." "Here we are!" "Hi!" "Hi, sweetie!" "Ah, we had a nice long walk." "Now we're going to go in and get a cookie." "All right, honey." "But don't let him eat too much." "I don't want him to spoil his dinner." "All right." "Come on, now." "Come on, we walk back." "There we go." "Bye, lovey." "Say bye-bye to Mom." "Oh, isn't this wonderful?" "Oh, thank goodness that sun came out." "Why are you all covered up?" "You know I don't want to get sunburn." "I don't get it." "What was all that talk about "Where's the sun?"" "Well, it's the principle of the thing." "I paid for the sun." "It's my business whether I use it or not." "Lucy!" "Rock Hudson!" "Pardon me." "Aren't you Mrs. Ricky Ricardo?" "Y-Yes." "I mean, yes." "Well, I'm Rock Hudson." "Oh, ye... well, I know that." "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "Uh, uh, this is Mrs..." "Mrs., um, uh..." "Mertz." "Mertz?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Uh, Mrs. Mertz." "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "Did Ricky come with you?" "Uh, no, no." "He couldn't get away." "Oh, that's too bad." "You mind if I join you?" "Oh, why, certainly we don't mind." "Oh, no!" "Uh, um, uh..." "Would you like a piece of rock, Mr. Candy?" "Oh..." "I know, of course." "No, thank you." "I, uh, just got some bad news about somebody Ricky knows." "Oh?" "Script girl at the studio, and I wanted to tell him about it." "Oh, well, uh... w-w-wouldn't you like to tell me?" "I'll tell him." "Well, I would like to talk to somebody about it." "if you wouldn't mind." "Oh, no." "Go right ahead." "Well, this script girl, Adele Sliff..." "Adele Sliff?" "Mm-hmm." "Wonderful girl." "She's been married for 20 years." "Hmm." "About three weeks ago, she and her husband had their first fight." "Oh." "What did they fight about?" "A habit he had." "A habit?" "A silly little habit." "Hmm." "What was it?" "He whistled all the time." "He whistled?" "Absentmindedly, like this:" "Like that?" "Just the one note, all the time." "Well!" "That would drive anyone crazy." "Yeah!" "Sam would all day and all night and finally Adele couldn't stand it any longer and she said, "Sam, just one more and I'll leave you."" "And?" "And he , and she did." "She did?" "She left him?" "She left him." "Just because he went?" "Oh, well, they'll probably go back together." "Yeah." "If you really love someone, you shouldn't let a little come between you." "That's the sad part of it." "Yesterday, Adele got a wire." "And it said..." "Well, it said..." "What, Mr. Hudson?" "Well, you see, Sam was on his way home to try to make up with her, and he had an accident." "Adele flew to the hospital and went into his room and there was Sam, wrapped in bandages from head to foot." "Adele said, Oh..." ""Sam, speak to me." "Just one little."" "All she wanted to hear was just one little?" "Did he?" "No." "It was all over." "No?" "No." "Sam will never again." "Oh!" "Quite a sad story." "It certainly is." "Wasn't that awful?" "It shows you how one little mistake can mess up your whole life." "Yeah." "Oh, dear." "Well, Fred!" "Look who's here!" "Hi!" "Oh, Fred!" "Hey, Ricky!" "Oh, honey, I missed you so!" "Well, we missed you, too, honey." "Oh, baby." "Wait a minute." "Oh, you were great, man." "What's so funny?" "You should win an award for that performance!" "What are you talking about?" "I got to tell them." "It's so great that I got to tell them." "What?" "You see, we didn't know how you would feel about us, so we asked Rock to come over here and kind of soften you up." "Oh, really!" "Well, Ethel, what's the difference?" "The important thing is, we're all together." "You're not angry, are you?" "Oh, I should say not." "You can soften me up any time." "Well, Ricky, I got to go." "I'll see you later." "Okay, Rock." "Oh, listen." "You know what bungalow Dore Schary's staying in?" "Dore Schary?" "Yeah." "He's not here." "He's not?" "No." "I can't understand that." "His secretary called me on the phone..." ""Would you mind coming down to Palm Springs?" ""Mr. Schary would like to discuss a picture property with you."" "Was that you on the phone!" "?" "Oh, you..." "I'll bet you think we're crazy, huh?" "Well... yes." "Yeah, well, we are."