"(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "(theme song ending)" "♪ I want a girl ♪" "♪ Just like the girl ♪" "♪ That married dear, old Dad ♪" "♪ That married dear, old Dad ♪" "(solo):" "♪ My dear old dad. ♪" "(laughing)" "Oh, that was wonderful!" "We're great." "Yeah, you even sounded good." "Thank you." "You know, a little more practice and we could do singing commercials for television." "Gee, Ethel, you certainly play the piano wonderfully." "Oh, thanks, Lucy." "Hey, how about "Sweet Sue"?" "Yeah, that has a nice harmony, all right?" "♪ Da-da da-da-da-da... ♪" "Oh, wait a minute, Ethel." "It's, uh, it's 2:00 in the morning." "Well, what about it, honey?" "Yeah, yeah, 2100's the perfect time for "Sweet Sue."" " Yeah." "Well, I mean, it's a little late." "Won't the other tenants complain?" " About what?" " Complain about what, honey?" "About all the noise." " Noise?" " Noise?" "Noise?" "Huh, we're not making noise;" "we're making music." "Yeah." "Let them phone the landlord." "I'm not home." "(laughing)" "I always forget that you're the landlord." "RICKY:" "Yeah, come on." "Besides, what's wrong with good friends harmonizing a little?" "That's what the world needs more of." "You're right." "Oh, it's so wonderful to have landlords like you two." "What a break for us to have tenants like you two." " Well, okay, okay, "Sweet Sue."" " Yeah." "♪ Da-da da-da-da-da... ♪" "Look at this place, Lucy." "You've taken such good care of it we could rent it tomorrow and not have to change a thing." " Okay, okay, "Sweet Sue."" " Yeah ." "♪ Da-da da-da-da-da... ♪" "Well, you know why, Ethel?" "It was in such wonderful condition when we moved in." "Well, all right, all right, girls." "Now, "Sweet Sue."" "♪ Da-da da-da da-da... ♪" "You're the nicest tenant I ever had." "And you're certainly the nicest landlady I've ever had." "And this is the most sickening conversation" "I've ever heard." "You're so right." " Oh..." " Oh, you two have no sentiment." "I move that we dedicate the next number to our wonderful friendship." " All right, to our friendship." " I subscribe to that." "That's a wonderful idea." "To Ricky and Lucy." "Here we go." " Ah, now then." " All right?" ""Sweet Sue"-- ready, go." ""Sweet Sue."" " Good, wasn't it?" "♪ Da-da da-da-da-da ♪" "♪ Every star above ♪" "♪ Knows the one I love ♪" "♪ Sweet Sue, just you ♪" "♪ And the moon up high ♪" "♪ Knows the reason why ♪" "♪ Sweet Sue, yes, you ♪" "I No one else, it seems, ever shared my dreams ♪" "♪ And without you, dear, I don't know what I'd do ♪" "♪ In this heart of mine, you live all the time ♪" "♪ Sweet Sue, that's you ♪" "(solo):" "♪ Nobody but you. ♪" "Oh, that's all." "It's getting late." "We got to go." "Yeah, we got to get out of here." "Oh, no, Ethel." "You got to go?" "Oh, honey, no." "Thanks for everything, now." " Oh, that's too bad." " Thanks for everything, Rick." " We've enjoyed it." "Well, I'm glad you came up, Fred." "See you in the morning." " Good-bye, Ethel." " You cut that out." " Good night." " Good night." "Good night." "Oh..." "Gee... (sighs)" "Aren't they wonderful people?" "Yeah, they sure are a lot of fun, honey." "Oh, I had such a good time tonight." "I want to live in this apartment the rest of my life." "Well, honey, I think that you and I and Fred and Ethel are fated to go through life together." " Yep." " Hey, look." "Ethel left her rings here." " Oh, yeah." " Yeah." "You know, honey, she's absolutely right." "People ought to do more singing in this world." "That's right, honey." "(chuckles)" "Yes, sir, they sure should sing-- everybody." ""Sweet Sue."" "(playing bouncy intro)" "I Every star above knows the one I love ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ Sweet Sue, just you ♪" "♪ And the moon up high knows the reason why ♪" "♪ Sweet Sue, yes, you ♪" "I No one else, it seems, ever shared my dreams ♪" "♪ And without you, dear, I don't know what I'd do. ♪" "Ya-da-bum, ba-de-dum, ba-de-dum, bum-bum." "(thumping)" "What was that?" "I don't know." "Come on, let's go." "♪ In... this..." "heart of mine, you I... ♪" "(thumping)" "That sounded like it came from the Mertz apartment." "Oh, no, honey, it couldn't be." "No, I guess not." "♪ You live all the... ♪" "(thump)" "♪ Time. ♪" "(thump, thump)" "♪ Sweet Sue, it's you. ♪" "(thump)" "(phone rings)" "Hello?" "ETHEL:" "Hello, Lucy?" "Hi, Ethel, what's you..." "what's on your mind?" "What's going on up there, anyway?" "Oh, we're singing "Sweet Sue."" "Want to come up for another chorus?" "Do you know what time it is?" "How do you expect anybody to get to sleep?" "Why, Ethel, what's the matter?" "You thought it was fine when you were up here." "Well, I'm down here now and I think it's lousy." "Well, really, Ethel!" "How can you change in such a short time?" "Good night, Lucy." "Good night." "What's the matter with Ethel?" "She must've walked downstairs too fast and gotten the bends." "What?" "Well, she's a little grumpy because we're making noise." " Well, I thought she..." " Well, so did I." "She'll be over it in the morning." " Come on, honey, let's go to bed." "All right." "♪ Da-da da-da-da, da-da, da-da-da... ♪ 94, 95, 96... 97, 98, 99, 100." "(sighs)" "(bangs)" "(bangs)" "Oh, no, you don't." "(bangs)" "(bangs)" "(bangs)" "Now, Ricky..." "All right, all right, we'll compromise." "That's a compromise?" "(bangs)" "(rattling)" "Now, what do you want me to do, freeze to death?" "(phone rings)" "A little fresh air isn't going to hurt you, you hothouse plant." "(ringing continues)" "Hello?" "FRED:" "Will you cut out that racket up there?" "Fred?" "Yes, Fred!" "How do you expect people to get any sleep?" "Well, I was only closing the windows." "What with?" "A sledgehammer?" "Now listen, Fred..." "Listen, my foot." "Now, let's have it quiet up there!" "Huh, how do you like that?" ""Let's have it quiet up there!" he says." "Some lousy landlords they are." "Yeah." "Nerls to the Mertz." "Yeah." "Well..." "good night, baby." "Good night, honey." "(water dripping)" "(dripping continues)" "(dripping continues)" "Oh, no." "The shower is dripping." "Yep, sure is." "Somebody should get up and fix it." "Yep, somebody should." " Well?" " Well?" "This isn't getting us anyplace." "We'll both get up and fix it." "What?" "That's the only fair way." "When I count to three, we'll both jump out of bed." "All right." " You ready?" " Ready." "Okay." "One... two... three!" "Apparently, we can't trust either of us." "Apparently." "Well, as far as I'm concerned, that shower can drip all night." "I just don't care." "I won't pay any attention to it." "All right, neither will I." " All right." " All right." "(dripping continues)" "(dripping continues)" "(dripping volume increasing)" "I can't stand it anymore!" "I can't stand it, I tell you!" "I can't stand it!" "I can't stand it anymore!" "I can't stand it!" "(banging and shouting)" "What are you doing?" "I can't lock it up!" "I can't lock it!" "I'm going to use the wrench." "(phone rings)" " Oh... (banging continuing)" "Hello?" "What's going on up there now?" "!" "Ricky's trying to fix some of your antique plumbing!" "That's what's going on!" "Oh, no." "Let me talk to him!" "All right!" "Fred wants to talk to you!" " Just a minute!" " Just a minute!" "(banging continues)" "(water rushing)" "RICKY (shouting):" "Oh, no, no!" "Oh, Ricky!" "Ricky, what happened?" "!" "What happened?" "!" "What happened?" "!" "Oh..." "Oh..." "The pipe broke, that's what happened!" "Oh, honey, you're all wet." "Give me that phone!" "Hello!" "Listen, lunkhead, stop pounding on those pipes!" "Listen, you old poop, why don't you put some decent plumbing in this firetrap?" "!" "We will, as soon as we get some decent tenants!" "Yeah?" "Well, maybe you'd like us to move." "That'd suit me fine." "All right, all right!" "That settles it-- we're moving!" "Good-bye and good riddance!" "Good-bye!" "We're moving!" "Good!" "They're moving." "Good!" "I wouldn't stay in this crummy apartment with those horrible Mertzes if you paid me." "FRED:" "Hello!" "Hello." "I'd like to speak to Mrs. Mertz." "Hello." "Whoever told you you could play the piano?" "!" "(doorbell buzzing)" "Good morning." "I hate to bother you, Mrs. Ricardo, but I believe I left my diamond rings on your piano last night." "Yes, you did, Mrs. Mertz." "I'd be very happy to get them for you." "Oh, don't bother." "I'll get them... if they're still there." "I don't know why you should worry." "You can always buy another box of Cracker Jack." "I'll have you know these are real diamonds." "Ha!" "Mrs. Ricardo, would you be so kind as to inform me just when we are to be deprived of your charming company?" "Very shortly." "Good." "Thank you." "My, it'll certainly be nice getting away from such disagreeable people." "It certainly will." "Would you like to give me the check for the next five months' rent now?" "Of course, I'd be delighted." "What do you mean "the next five months' rent"?" "Well, if you're leaving, you have to pay off your lease." "Our lease?" "!" "Yes, don't you remember?" "You begged me on bended knee to give you a lease just so that no one else could have this fantastically inexpensive, lovely apartment." "Oh, you mean that one-sided, unfair, binding contract that we were forced to sign before you would grant us the privilege of moving into this broken-down hovel?" ""Broken-down" is right." "Look at this place." "It'll take the next five months' rent to redecorate." "Redecorate?" "Yes." "After we fumigate." "You can leave the check in my mailbox." "(door slams) Ooh!" "Honey, I don't seem to be able to..." "Oh, shut up!" "What's the matter with you?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Ethel was just up here and she made me so darn mad!" "What now?" "She says she... they're going to hold us to our lease." "We have to give them five months' rent before we can leave!" "I guess we're stuck here." "Well, now that, uh..." "that all depends." "On what?" "On whether we can, uh, break the lease or not." "Do you think we can?" "Mm... could be." "What's on your mind?" "We are going to become the two most unpleasant, disagreeable, nasty people in the whole world." "But how?" "We'll force ourselves." "Oh, boy." "Let's see, now." "What can we think of that'll make them kick us out?" "Nah..." "Think nastier." "We'll get it." "Hiya, honey." "Hi!" "How's my little lease-breaker doing?" "Just fine." "Ha, ha!" "That's good." "How'd things go at rehearsal?" "Oh, pretty good, honey." "(door slams)" "Look." "(whirs)" "What's that?" "A riveter's hammer." "Watch." "(clattering loudly)" "(laughing)" "Hey, that's very good." "That's very good." "I'm surprised they haven't moved out." " I have quite a schedule." " Yeah?" "Oh, it's time to make another call to Ethel." "Let me, let me, let me do this." "(whirring loudly)" "(clattering loudly)" "(hammer bit falls out)" " Hey!" " What happened?" " Shh-- get this." " Yeah?" "Hello, this is the Ajax Salvage Company." "We buy old glass." "I understand you have some rings that you're interested in selling." "(whirring loudly)" "Oh, she's furious!" "Oh, am I glad I'm on your side!" "(both laughing)" "We'll break that lease yet." "Now, remember, when you come home tonight, make a lot of noise." "Oh, that reminds me." "I won't be home till late tonight, honey." " Why?" " Well, we have to rehearse for a couple of hours after the club closes." "Ricky, why don't you have the rehearsal here?" "Honey, are you crazy?" "I got a 16-piece band." "I'll blow the roof off the joint." "Well... doesn't look like rain." "I'll do it." "(laughs)" "I'll do it." "Good." "(playing loud, jazzy Latin number)" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" " Yeah!" "Yeah!" " Yeah!" "Hey. hey, hey, hey, hey!" "Hey. hey, hey, hey, hey!" "(singing in Spanish)" "♪ A cumba, cumba, cumba cumbachero ♪" "♪ Chero!" "♪" "♪ A bongo, bongo, bongo, bongosero ♪" "♪ Bongosero!" "♪" "(continues singing in Spanish)" "♪ ..." "Bongosero que se va. ♪" "♪ Bongosero que se va!" "♪" "(cheering and applauding)" "Oh, that was wonderful!" "That's the best number you've done since midnight." "(laughing)" "What time is it?" "Uh, 4230." "All right, now let's have a loud one." " A loud one?" " Yeah." "All right." "Listen, I wonder how Fred and Ethel are enjoying it." "Well, they have a lot of courage." "I haven't heard a peep out of them." "Oh, boy, this is swell." " No." " Isn't it?" "Honey, who are all these people?" "I don't know, but the more, the noisier." "Yeah?" "All right, we'll dedicate the next number to Fred and Ethel Mertz." " Great!" "All right." " Fred and Ethel Mertz?" "Yes, our lovely landlords." "They won't hear this." "They're still down in the street." "Down in the street?" "Yes, they have a big sign that says, "Jam Session Tonight:" "Ricky Ricardo in Person"" "and they're selling tickets." "Oh, no!" "Oh!" "RICKY:" "How do you like that?" "I'm going down there" "and give them a piece of my mind." "Yeah!" "Oh, they're back in their apartment." "It was too cold outside." " LUCY:" "Oh..." " They sold us the last tickets." "Oh, they're back in their apartment, are they?" "Well, we'll dedicate the next number to Fred and Ethel Mertz-- an old Cuban folk dance called "El Break-o the Lease-o."" ""El Break-o the Lease-o"?" " Yes." "How does this old Cuban folk dance go?" "♪ Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum ♪" "♪ Da-da-da, da-da-da, da-dum. .. ♪" "Oh, "La Raspa!" "La Raspa!"" "Everybody!" "(band plays "Mexican Hat Dance")" "(doorbell buzzing incessantly)" "(music continues)" "(music stops)" "(coughing)" "Okay..." "Okay, you win." "Here's your lease." "♪ Ba da..." "ba-da-dah... ♪" "(band resumes playing "Mexican Hat Dance")" "ls that all, honey?" "I think so." "Gee, it'll certainly be good to get out of this joint, won't it?" "Yeah." "Did you tell Ethel we were moving today?" "Well, I haven't seen her since she brought up the lease." "I mailed her a note telling her to come up and get the keys today." "What shall I do about this?" "What is it?" "It's a picture of us and Fred and Ethel taken in Atlantic City last summer." "Oh." "We sure had a lot of fun there, didn't we?" "Yeah." "What shall I do, throw it away?" "Oh, no, no, I'd better pack it." "Huh?" "Well, we can always cut them out with a scissors." "What are all these things here?" "Oh, they're some things I borrowed from Ethel." "She has a lot of my things, too if she hasn't sold them." "You know, I got a lot of tools that belong to Fred." "Some of them we bought together." "What shall I do with those?" "I don't know." "Gee, it's amazing we could have been such good friends with a couple of stinkers." "Yeah... we sure had a lot of fun in the last nine years... until they showed their true colors." "Yeah." "Well, that just shows you how sneaky they are." "Yeah." " Here, honey, you want some paper for that?" "Yeah." "(doorbell buzzing)" "Come in, come in, please." "All these are yours." "Oh, thanks." "Uh..." "These are yours, I guess." " Thanks." "lt's all right." "Here's some things of yours that somehow got into my apartment." "Thanks." "There are some of your things that I managed to get hold of." "It's all there." "You can count it if you like." "Oh, well, that won't be necessary, Mrs. Mertz." "(crying):" "I trust you." "You do?" "Uh..." "Uh..." "Uh... look, uh, Fred, uh, it doesn't matter to me, you know, but, uh, for some crazy reason or other," "I think Lucy wants to stay." "Don't you, Lucy?" "(bawling)" "Well, it doesn't matter to me either, but it's, uh, up to Ethel." "What do you say, honey?" "(bawling)" "(both wailing)" "I... (chuckles)" "You heard what the girls said." "I guess we're staying, eh?" "Yeah." "Only-only this time, I want a long lease so that we don't ever get kicked out." "Well..." "Fred..." "Well, what do you know?" "I just happen to have a new lease already made out." "Oh, how wonderful!" "Let's..." "Help me unpack!" " Unpack?" "!" " Yeah!" "Yeah!" "You're staying!" "(all talking excitedly)" "(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "ANNOUNCER:" "I Love Lucy is a Desilu production."