"[Train whistle blowing] [john Philip sousa's "the stars and stripes forever" plays]" "[Music stops]" "And now, my friends, if there are any among you suffering from that scourge of mankind... toothache..." "Let him step up here and be relieved..." "Instantly, painlessly, and without charge!" "[Music resumes] Go on, Hank." "Oh, well." "How do you do, friend?" "How do you do?" "Come right here." "[Indistinct conversation]" "[Music stops]" "Now relax, my friend." "It'll all be over before you know it." "Be careful, doc." "She's awful sore." "You won't even feel it, my good fellow." "And now, my friends, you'll notice how quickly and painlessly all this is done." "No surgical shock and no nervous strain on the patient." "All right, my friend, let's have a look at it." "Open wide, please." "Aha." "Acute hemorrhoidal laparotomy." "Fortunately, it is one of my specialties." "All right, now, friend, relax." "Relax." "Open wide." "[Music resumes]" "[Music stops]" "Did I or did I not cause you any pain, my friend?" "The gentleman says he never even felt it." "And now, my friends, who else wants a bottle of kink-away, that magic hair tonic?" "The miracle preparation of the age, my friends." "A great scientific gift to mankind." "Are we asking a dollar for this priceless fluid?" "We are not." "Half a dollar?" "No." "For the trifling sum of 25 cents, the fourth part of a silver dollar, you are privileged to take home with you a bottle of this magic lotion." "It gives your head a straight, strong, glossy hair that has the ladies leaping in your lap." "Excuse me, boss, but you sold me a bottle of that stuff down in Birmingham last month." "Well, it worked, didn't it?" "[Train whistle blows] [calliope music plays]" "Here you are, folks!" "Here you are!" "The eighth wonder of the world!" "A monument to human patience, endurance, and fortitude!" "Think of it, my friends..." "32 days balanced on the needle-like point of a flagpole on his way to a new world record!" "Well, say, mister, can I ask you a question?" "Sure." "How does he what?" "[Chuckles] Say, that's a professional secret." "Aw, baloney." "Come on down." "We're a bust." "What's wrong?" "Our racket's all wrong." "If the whole population was lying on its back, it wouldn't look up at you." "[Clicking]" "No customers, huh?" "No." "Must be the depression or something." "If all the penny-pinching yaps ever gathered together in one spot, they wouldn't give a dime to see the statue of liberty do the rumba." "Man:" "Step right this way, folks!" "This is the greatest show on the lot!" "Admission... only 25 cents!" "Never make you, never break you, never start you in any legitimate business." "Speculation, folks, is the life of trade." "Look, folks!" "He tells the past, the present, and the future!" "He answers your questions on money, marriage, and love!" "Step right inside..." "There's a guy with a sweet racket." "Admission... only 25 cents." "Don't crowd, don't push." "There's room inside for all." "Look how he's pulling them in." "Let's go over and see what he's got." "I know you'll enjoy this show, folks." "[indian accent] A Patty wants to know if the handsome gentleman from the Oklahoma oil fields will propose marriage to her." "Is that your question, lady?" "It sure is!" "He's wonderful!" "Hey, that dame's a plant." "She used to shill for me in an auction in 'frisco." "There's 40 people in this joint." "At 25 cents a head, that's 10 bucks of sucker money." "Boy, what a gold mine this is." "Hey, pipe down, pipe down." ""The first thing to be done by the crystal gazer" ""is to rub the palms of the hands" ""briskly for several minutes." ""Pick up the crystal with the left hand" ""and make several passes with the right hand" ""over and above the crystal," ""which will have a tendency to magnetize it" ""and bring results more quickly." ""Always gaze calmly into the crystal," ""but do not at anytime strain the eyes." ""Try to avoid winking." "There's a difference between staring and gazing."" "It says here that 30 million people spend about 125 million bucks every year just to get their fortunes told and their minds read." "125 million smackers." "Say, how long has that been going on?" "Geez!" "Say, I must have been daffy to overlook this!" "It's a sure cleanup." "Any schoolboy can get rich doing it." "All you got to do is look wise, tie a bath towel around your head, and tell the chumps what they want to hear." "The whole world's full of hopeful suckers." "Just keep promising them things." "They'll believe you." "And pay for it, too..." "Pay big!" "Look." "[Deep voice] Little lady, listen well." "I see a tall, handsome, dark, distinguished-looking gentleman, a man with millions and millions made in the cattle business in the Argentine." "And don't kid yourself." "There are plenty of dames that'll go for that hooey." "[Normal voice] And now we got to get a name..." "A name that'll catch their eye and stick in their minds." ""Something" the great, the great "something", le blank, le Von, divon, the great livoni, the great divoni..." "The great baloney." "[Laughs]" "Boy, that's a pip..." "The great baloney." "Yes, silly." "Why don't you try helping me?" "Perfect." "Look, look." "Look at that." "Just what we need, just the name for me." "Chandra?" "Or cookies?" "[Deep voice] Chandra." "Chandra the great." "Frank:" "Chandra the great reads your mind like an open book." "Ladies and gentlemen, it is now my pleasure to introduce to you the world's master of mental mysticism... chandra the great!" "[Gong crashes]" "I shall now pass among you, giving each and every one of you a piece of paper on which to write your questions." "Don't let your neighbor see what you write." "Mohammad, have you faithfully performed your mission?" "Are all the questions in the basket?" "Yes, great master." "Burn them." "Consign them to the flames." ""I have lost my keys." ""Please tell me where I can find them." "Signed, George Thomas."" "George Thomas has lost his keys." "I see them..." "Yes, I see them at home." "They are in the door of your liquor cabinet." "Who won the fourth race at belmont, Sam?" "Blue boy." "Why don't I drop another 2 bucks." "Who'd you bet on?" "Rollaway." "That coyote couldn't beat a fat woman going up a hill." "He showed plenty of speed at latonia." "Yeah?" "Racing a lot of cockroaches?" "Besides, he wasn't in the second race." "You're trying to tell me he didn't win the second race at latonia last Saturday?" "I'm telling you he wasn't in the second race." "He was in the fourth race." "Conditions in the spirit world seem disturbed." "Get your dough out." "A dollar will get you 10." "A dollar?" "No, I-i-i ain't gonna bet you." "I'm a sporting man." "Ah, everything is clear again." ""Am I going to marry and settle down here," ""or will I go to Chicago and look for a job?" "Signed, Sylvia r."" "I see a little lady who is perplexed as to her future..." "Whether to stay in this city and enjoy the soft protection of matrimony or to fare forth and hew out a commercial career for herself in..." "Chicago." "The solution to your problem depends entirely upon yourself." "But I can state..." "That a very great change is coming into your life very soon, my dear Sylvia r." "Did you ask that question?" "Yes, I did." "[Scoffs] He's daffy." "You don't really believe all that hooey, do you?" "Why, I certainly do." "I won 5 bucks on rollaway in the second race at latonia, I'm telling you." "The only bet I win in a month am I gonna forget it?" "I'm telling you, that beetle wasn't in the second race." "Pete slovak, you are wondering whether you are going to have any children." "I don't see you having any children at all." "But I see..." "Your wife having three." "Aw, that's enough of those yaps, chan." "This concludes my public demonstration for today, but I can be found between the hours of 10:00 A.M. and 3:00 P.M." "Every day, with the exception of the sabbath, at your charming little hostelry, the commercial house, 2nd and market streets, suite "a."" "Those with pressing personal problems may come to me there for private readings." "All communication sacred and confidential." "The fee is $1." "Frank:" "Learn of private matters in a private interview for the small sum of $1." "Excuse me, lady." "Here you are, folks." "Make an appointment here for a private reading." "It's only a dollar." "Here you are, folks." "Step right up." "[calliope music playing]" "Learn of private matters in a private interview for the small sum of $1." "Here you are, folks." "Step right up." "[Normal voice] Well, how are the suckers?" "Did you get any nibbles?" "Beautiful." "Five yaps, and two of them look awful promising." "One dame's married to the first national bank here in town." "I'll have the spirits tell her to give us a couple of liberty bonds." "Maybe you won't have to." "I just grabbed this leather." "Haven't had a chance to open it yet, but it feels fat." "Hey, why don't you lay off that petty-larceny stuff?" "Someday you'll get your mitt caught in an orchard gate trying to steal a rotten apple and crab the racket for all of us." "Woman:" "Excuse me, gentlemen, I lost my purse." "I'm sure I lost it in here." "[Deep voice] Why, during the performance, madam?" "Yes." "I know I had it when we came in." "All my rent money was in it..." "Almost $50." "You didn't lose it." "Somebody stole it." "Mr. chandra, surely you can help me locate it." "The location of missing articles is often very difficult." "But if you'd care to have a private reading tomorrow," "I might be able to help you." "Mr. Franklin, give the lady a card." "Good night, madam." "I hope you find it." "Oh, aunty, you didn't drop it in the street." "I've looked everywhere." "Can't you help us?" "Why, possibly, my dear." "Possibly." "What'd I tell you?" "It isn't here." "But what are we going to do?" "We need that money so badly." "Quiet, please." "I see a purse..." "A brown purse with silver trimmings." "Yes, yes!" "That's it." "Your purse is in the shadow, under a coat." "A gray coat." "The man who has it is clutching it tightly." "He is trembling, uneasy." "He is a man of medium height, straight, dark hair, aquiline features." "He is perspiring." "I can see him so clearly," "I can almost put my hand on him." "He has a long, gray beard." "He is a farmer." "But how can I get it back?" "I can't tell you the exact address." "But I can go unerringly to the house." "If you will give me your name and address," "I will guarantee to return your aunt's bag with its contents intact by tomorrow." "Oh, Mr. chandra, how can we ever repay you?" "The privilege of serving youth and beauty is payment enough." "Here's my address." "Thank you so much, Mr. chandra." "It's nothing." "Nothing at all." "And rest assured your property will be returned." "[Sighs]" "[Normal voice] That's what I call a pretty dame." "Well, not worth 50 bucks." "I can get you 10 dames for 50 bucks." "Come on, give it to me." "Aw, chan, you're breaking my heart." "You really saved our lives." "I don't know what we would have done if we lost that money." "[Deep voice] Things are as bad as that, eh?" "Well, I haven't worked since last spring." "You are much too pretty to work, anyway." "That wasn't why I lost my job." "The factory closed." "You mean to say that you worked in a factory?" "Mm-hmm." "Stenographer." "Living in this town and you've got a job is dull enough." "But when you're not working, it's deadly." "Oh, well, let's not talk about my troubles anymore." "I'm sick of them." "I don't see how people stay more than a week in one place." "Must be glorious to live the way you do." "New faces, new scenes, meeting interesting people." "I guess I'm pretty lucky." "I have an interesting life, a congenial profession." "And the satisfaction of knowing that you're helping people wherever you go." "And yet, the responsibilities of my profession are quite heavy." "My daily public appearances, my private readings, say nothing of my mail." "Why, would you believe it?" "I never get less than 300 letters a week." "Boys, this is miss Roberts." "Mr. Franklin and Sam." "How do?" "How do you do?" "That's a nice-looking girl." "She ought to be, for 50 bucks." "8 is the point." "I had no idea people depended on you so." "They have great confidence in me." "It's my life's work never to betray them." "But do you have to answer all these letters?" "And by tomorrow, there'll be twice as many." "It's getting beyond me." "I wish I could help you." "Look, if you'll dictate the answers, I'll type them." "Well, that'd be great, but..." "We're leaving town on Sunday." "Why couldn't I go with you?" "I told you last night that a great change was coming into your life." "It's here." "You're hired." "Do you mean that?" "Shake." "I tell you, these village belles are dynamite!" "All you have to do is shake hands with one of them and say, "hello, jail!"" "You fixing to get us all shot." "We're liable to get tarred and feathered." "[Normal voice] You guys don't understand." "I get it." "You don't have to draw me no diagrams." "Most likely she's underage..." "All hick dames are." "The minute they get into court, they're all 16 or under!" "You got me wrong." "Did you ever hear of a guy named mann?" "He's got an act." "Sam:" "And he ain't in vaudeville." "Remember that little blonde tomato in pottstown?" "You ducked the joint that time by a whisker, and here you go again!" "Listen, you chumps." "That girl's going along as my secretary." "She's gonna do her work, get paid, and that's all there is to it." "Yeah?" "What are we stopping for?" "[Deep voice] I don't know." "What is it?" "Hotbox." "How long will we be here?" "Oh, about half-hour, I guess." "Come on." "Let's get some air." "I've seen pictures of places like this, but I never believed it." "Oh, I wish we could..." "I wish I could stay here forever." "Won't you make it "we"?" "Maybe." "Well, staying here forever wouldn't be such a bad idea." "What about the train?" "[Chuckles]" "Well, after all, I was only wishing." "Beautiful." "Yes, it is gorgeous, isn't it?" "Not it." "You." "Do you really mean that, or are you just trying to make me happy?" "Both..." "I mean it, and I'd like nothing better in the world than to make you happy." "Oh, you're sweet." "What's on your mind?" "You ought to know." "You're the mind reader." "[Chuckles] One look from you and my power of concentration is scattered." "Really?" "I haven't thought of much else except you for the last few weeks." "I think about you all day." "I dream about you at night." "Do you ever think of me?" "Of course." "What?" "What do you see in your crystal?" "I see us becoming good friends..." "Close friends." "Closer..." "And closer." "Wouldn't that be glorious?" "I see us brought together by that universal force..." "The power that makes these blossoms, the urge that makes all of life..." "The force that makes the world go 'round." "Love." "And I suppose all this is very far in the future?" "No." "Well, when?" "Now." "I can see you in my arms." "I hear you say, "I love ..."" "[Train whistle blows]" "And I can hear the train whistle!" "Come on!" "We'll have to run for it!" "[Train whistle blows]" "Frank: "I have been married 10 years."" ""I love children." "Will I ever have a baby?" "Signed, Mrs. b."" ""I have saved up $900." ""Please advise me what would be a good investment, or ..."" "So this is the way he reads their minds." "I thought chan told you to stay out of here while he's working." "Sure, he did, and now I know why." "Well, I told him when he took you with the show he was shaking hands with trouble!" "My good friends, this will conclude the performance." "[Audience murmuring]" "Chan's gonna be sore at you if he finds you in here." "Lying and cheating the public..." "That's a fine way to make a living." "Sylvia." "I am ashamed of you." "I admit that this part of my act is a fake." "It's got to be." "The great chandra." "All these fairy tales about your supernatural powers!" "[Scoffs]" "Sylvia, I have supernatural power." "Yes, this looks like it." "What did I tell you?" "Dames is just bad news!" "That's what they are!" "Just bad news!" "Go on." "Get out of here." "Get out!" "All right, all right." "Don't bawl me out." "I ain't the one sore at you." "It's your funeral." "Sylvia, this is very simple to explain." "Would you have contempt for a man who advertises the goods he wants to sell?" "What's that got to do with it?" "My occult power is my stock in trade." "I use a little ballyhoo to attract attention." "Is it wrong for the manufacturers of soap, toothpaste, chewing gum, automobiles to ballyhoo their product, to advertise them in newspapers and magazines, to plug them on the radio?" "But that's different." "They're trying to sell honest merchandise." "So am I. There is no difference." "I'm just trying to convince the public that it's worth their while to pay for a private reading." "And, my dear, I assure you, when I'm alone with a client and it's quiet and I can concentrate," "I don't need any mechanical help." "I'm sorry, chan." "I didn't know what I was talking about." "Will you forgive me?" "Forgive you?" "Why, it makes me so happy to know that I meant that much to you." "Now run along, darling, while I change my clothes." "I'll take you to dinner." "All right." "Frank:" "So, she's just your secretary." "[Normal voice] Yep." "Well, it looks like she's gonna get promoted." "[Train bell dinging, brakes squeal]" "[Deep voice] Greetings, gentlemen!" "Man:" "The chief of police wants to know if you intend doing your stuff here." "I am going to give a demonstration of the occult science five times daily all this week." "Print that on the front page of your paper." "Maybe you never heard there's an ordinance against fortune-telling in our city." "But not against demonstrations of science." "Ah, so that's what you call it, huh?" "[Laughter] Evidently, it is up to me to give an immediate demonstration of the power of mind over matter!" "Do any of you judges of the universe and its peoples know how to take a pulse, that very simple but certain and universally used method of determining the blood flow from the heart?" "Gentlemen, I will now prove, for your edification and for my own satisfaction, the power of mind over matter." "I will now stop and start my pulse at will." "If you please." "Got it?" "Sure." "You haven't lost it." "I've stopped it." "Now it's going again." "Yeah." "Got it?" "Yeah." "I will now stop it again." "Maybe I'm crazy." "Are you trying to kid me?" "Got it?" "Yes." "Say when you want it stopped." "Stop." "Why, that beats anything I ever heard of." "How do you do it?" "Just an elementary principle of the occult science." "I simply tell my pulse to stop." "It stops." "[Chuckles] How do you do it?" "You simply roll a handkerchief into a hard ball, place it under your armpit against the artery." "When you press your arm against it, it stops the blood and the pulse." "It's a beauty, but it ain't gonna save you." "That chief of police has got a head on his shoulders." "Yeah?" "What do you think I got?" "A casaba melon?" "Oh, I never should have let you talk me into this." "Just like I said..." "Chief of police and two dicks sitting out there." "Why, you'll have them right in your lap!" "Well, it's my lap." "Yeah, and it's my carnival." "Where's Frank?" "He didn't show up." "He must be drunk again." "Well, he sure picked a sweet night for it." "How are you gonna get by without Frank?" "Sylvia can run the phone for me." "Can you?" "I can do it as well as Frank." "Darling, are you nervous?" "Oh, a little bit." "But it's nothing." "I'll be all right." "Now, all you've got to do is read the questions clearly and distinctly." "You understand?" "I've got it." "[Gong crashes]" "S.T.K. Wants to know if his real-estate investment will pay." "Well, he ain't answering." "Give it to him again." "S.T.K. Wants to know..." "What's the matter?" "He ain't getting it." "S.T.K. Wants to know about his real-estate investment." "S.T.K." "There's something wrong with the wiring." "I must set aside all questions for the moment." "Shall I go get him?" "Wait a minute." "Let's watch him squirm." "Okay." "I see disaster." "Grave disaster." "A crime about to be committed." "A man walking along a dark street." "Now he stops at a corner, looks furtively around." "I see..." "The street names on the lamp posts." "Chestnut and Nash." "Chestnut and Nash?" "That's fagan's jewelry store!" "Of course it is." "The man looks up and down the street to see if he is observed." "The street is deserted." "Now he picks up an object." "It is a stone!" "I see the shattering of glass." "The window is broken!" "The stone smashes in amongst the jewelry!" "The criminal cowers in the doorway, waiting to see if the noise has attracted attention." "[Crowd murmuring]" "The vision suddenly fades out." "I am very tired." "It has been a great strain, my friends." "Mr. chandra, you saved one of our most prominent merchants a great loss." "A mere matter of routine in my profession." "[Chuckles]" "If you'd had that vision a few minutes earlier, we'd have had that gorilla in the morgue." "Visions as clear as that" "I only see as they are actually transpiring." "Well, I want to apologize for ever doubting your ability." "Don't even mention it." "We all must be convinced." "Uh..." "Can I see you a minute?" "Will you come over to dinner with us tomorrow night?" "Wife and I'd sort of like to have a..." "Private reading." "It would be a great honor." "You will?" "[Chuckles]" "I'll call for you at the hotel." "Good night, chief." "Good night!" "Lead me out of here before I start believing in you." "[Chuckles]" "[Normal voice] Hey." "Come here." "You sure nobody saw you tonight?" "Not a chance." "Everything's Jake." "And I didn't do so bad for myself, either." "What?" "Ain't that a honey?" "Thanks." "I can use that." "What for, I'm asking you?" "What for?" "For an engagement ring." "I'm gonna be married." "You're gonna be what?" "!" "Say that again." "Married... to Sylvia." "You?" "Marry that dame?" "What for?" "Listen... that girl's the first decent thing that's ever come into my life." "She's a swell kid, Frank." "I love her." "All right, love her!" "But why marry her?" "Oh, well, you wouldn't understand about a girl like Sylvia." "So you're gonna marry her?" "Legal?" "Yeah, if she'll have me." "Marry." "You need a wife about as much as" "I need a cage full of white mice." "What are you gonna give me for a wedding present?" "A nice, tight, tailor-made straightjacket." "[Laughing]" "[Train whistle blows]" "And another thing!" "You know a tough judge could very easily divide 30 years among the three of us!" "Ohh!" "Sylvia?" "Sylvia?" "Sylvia?" "Well, she ain't here." "When she comes in, you got to get that ring back." "How?" "What'll I tell her?" "I don't know." "But you got to get it!" "The jeweler's association have sent out a description to every cop in the state." "Geez, you sure got us on a spot." "I got you on a spot?" "!" "Well, you stole the ring, didn't you?" "All I wanted you to do was throw that rock through the window." "We're just lucky the cops didn't get wise the whole thing was a fake." "Arguing ain't getting us anywhere." "If the cops spot that rock on her finger, it's curtains." "You could slip it off her finger when she's asleep." "In the morning, tell her she mislaid it or the chambermaid pinched it... anything!" "But for the love of Mike, get it!" "Well, what did you give me the ring for, anyway?" "I didn't give it to you!" "You pinched it from me!" "Well, I'll get it back some way." "Well, if you don't, I'm liable to go to jail." "And believe me, I'll have plenty of company." "Hello, darling." "Just get in?" "Mm-hmm." "Just this minute." "Well, is there anything wrong?" "No, just a little headache." "Oh, I'm sorry, darling." "By the way..." "I've got a surprise that'll cure that headache." "Hmm?" "What is it?" "A new ring... a big square-cut in a platinum setting." "We'll turn this in on the new one." "Well, I'd rather see the new one before I give this up." "I might like this one better." "You don't have to see it." "Take my word, it's a knockout." "Chan, tell me the truth." "Why are you so anxious to get this ring away from me?" "[Knock on door]" "See who it is." "Are you chandra?" "No." "He is." "Yes?" "What is it?" "You wrote this to me?" "You help folks that's up against it..." "Poor trash what's in trouble, don't you?" "Why, yes." "Sit down." "What is it you want to ask me?" "[Voice breaking] Ask you?" "Ask you?" "I didn't come to ask you nothing." "I've come to tell you something." "I've come to tell you you spoiled my life!" "Spoiled it, do you hear?" "!" "You told me things that ain't come true." "Well, I'm sorry." "Sorry?" "You?" "What have you got to be sorry for?" "I'm sorry, do you hear?" "I'm sorry for what you done to me, you faker." "What right have you got to tell me who to marry?" "Well, I married him, see?" "A man I didn't care nothing for 'cause you told me to." "You said I was gonna be happy and have kids." "Well, my husband ran off, left me right after we was married." "And the man I really loved..." "Do you hear me?" "!" "The man you told me not to marry..." "He killed himself." "Do you hear me?" "!" "He killed himself over me!" "That's how good you help people!" "[Sobbing] You faker!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "Come on." "Get out of here, you crazy..." "He killed himself!" "Do you hear me?" "!" "He killed himself!" "He killed himself!" "[Screams]" "Come on." "Let's get out of here." "[Train bell dinging]" "Sylvia!" "Sylvia!" "Sylvia, what's the matter?" "Where are you going?" "Anywhere..." "Anyplace to get away from you and your lies and deceit." "Come here a minute." "Darling, I couldn't help what happened." "That girl was out of her mind." "You're nothing but a cheap, despicable faker, preying on people's minds and giving them a lot of stupid, silly advice that just drives them to trouble and unhappiness." "You drove that girl to suicide just as surely as you're driving me away from you." "Sylvia, you've got to listen to me." "I've listened to your lies long enough." "You never drew an honest breath in your life." "Telling fortunes." "Selling little books on astrology when you don't know the difference between the noonday sun and the north star!" "I hate every rotten, crooked thing you represent, and I'm through with you!" "Sylvia, I'm everything you say." "I know how you feel, and I don't blame you." "But, Sylvia, if you stick with me," "I promise you'll never regret it." "I've learned my lesson." "You've got to believe me." "You could never change." "It's born in you." "No, you're wrong, Sylvia." "For you, I could do anything." "You're the only thing I love." "I need you now more than ever." "All aboard!" "Well, I've made up my mind." "You'll have to give up this lying, cheating game or give me up." "Sylvia, dear..." "I promise to give up the whole rotten mess." "I'm finished forever." "I love you and want to make you happy." "Good morning, madam." "Would you like to make $10?" "Why, I'm too old." "No, I mean save $10 on your household expenses." "Madam, I represent the gower brush company..." "Ah, go to heck!" "[Exhales deeply]" "Things are sure breaking tough." "I hope I have a little luck today." "Well, you're trying." "That's something." "Don't get discouraged." "It's only that I hate to make you live like this." "Oh, I don't mind it if you don't." "[Chuckles]" "You're about the bravest little guy in the whole world." "Frank:" "Hey, chan!" "Hi, Frank." "Gee, chan, I'm glad to see you." "Yeah." "Nobody else is." "What?" "What are you doing?" "Selling brushes and getting nothing but flat thumbs from pushing doorbells." "A guy with your con, your larceny, selling brushes?" "What's the idea?" "I'm on the straight and narrow." "You know, the wife." "The wife." "Love." "Marriage." "Honesty." "Now there's a combination guaranteed to get anybody into the poor house." "Yeah, and I'm just about there, and I ain't kidding." "Here." "Try one of these narcotics." "A buck a smash." "So this is what you've been doing." "You know, chan," "I was wasting my time hustling around them carnivals." "Well, you look like you've been eating regular." "I eat the best groceries a couple of French chefs can put together." "I drink nothing but vintage wine." "That thing you got in your kisser is a sample of the heaters the boss and I smoke." "I got a swell room right in the boss's park Avenue joint." "They heat it and cool it by electricity." "Mm." "Who is your boss?" "Mr. and Mrs. Wilson Douglas Austin." "A jolly couple." "He's got controlling interest in a big brunette up on riverside drive while the wife is dancing around with a shiny-haired gigolo that used to be a barber." "And I'm collecting a salary from each of them to play dumb." "Well, maybe you know where I can get a job." "I'll do anything." "I'm flat." "If you were only back in the old racket." "This Austin woman is a pushover for mind readers, crystal gazers..." "Anything that's daffy." "Why, there's hardly a week goes by that she don't call on three or four of them." "Why don't you go back in the racket?" "Nah, no, Frank." "Anything but that." "No, I'm all washed up." "Don't be a sucker!" "What are you gonna do, starve?" "The world owes us all a living." "I'm getting mine, and I got a plan where you can get yours." "You're my pal, and I ain't gonna see you perish by the roadside." "Now, listen." "It reads like a million dollars." "You said it." "She'll rub it in her hair." "Now, get this straight." "It goes right there, in place of this article." "Now, understand you got to copy and print up a whole new front page." "I see." "And we got to have it the first thing in the morning, early." "It's, uh..." "I'm taking a big risk." "You're getting paid for it, ain't you?" "Hello." "Hello, honey." "Can you make it tonight, baby?" "You bet." "Great." "Got a match?" "Sure." "Here you are." "Thanks." "See you tonight." "Uh-huh." "She went for it like a ton of brick." "She'll phone for an appointment." "Swell." "Now here's all the dope." "You better write it down." "Shoot." "The husband's name is Wilson Douglas Austin." "He's medium-complected, getting bald." "About 5'10", weighs around 180." "Got that?" "Yep." "What about the gal?" "Her name is Kent..." "June Kent." "June Kent." "About 5'7", weighs about 130..." "One of them willowy brunettes with curves like a 3rd Avenue "I."" "Uh-huh." "What color eyes and hair?" "Black as ink." "Go on." "They been playing house together for almost two years." "He took her out of the follies." "You're perfectly astounding, Dr. munro." "Please go on." "[Deep voice] What I see now is of such a confidential nature that I hesitate." "You must tell me." "I insist." "But, madam, it, uh..." "Might alarm you." "Please." "As a special, personal favor." "Very well, madam." "But remember, the truth sometimes hurts." "I see your husband in an apartment with another woman." "A woman?" "Who is she?" "I see her name." "Jean." "Jean." "No." "June Kent." "What does she look like?" "Tall." "A striking brunette." "Very dark complexion." "Lustrous black eyes." "A colored woman?" "Oh, no, no, Mrs. Austin." "Your husband took her out of the follies." "My dear, he's simply marvelous." "What's his name?" "Oh, Dr. munro." "Dr. munro..." "M-u-n-r-o." "Oh, Dr. munro!" "Oh, he told me the most amazing things." "Oh, Dr. munro." "Tell me all about him." "The detectives and I went there, broke down the door, and there he was." "Oh, my dear, he's just the man I'm looking for." "This Dr. munro is simply amazing." "Oh, Dr. munro." "Well, maybe he can tell me a few things about George." "If there's anything you want to know of a confidential nature, ask him." "And you say he's good-looking?" "Seven homes since the first of the year." "Isn't that terrible?" "[Normal voice] It sure is." "I'll bet that Dr. munro doesn't sleep nights." "No, he probably doesn't at that." "Aren't you glad I made you give it up?" "[Chuckling] Of course, dear." "And we've never been happier in our lives." "Oh, what if we did have a little tough luck at first?" "You've got a good job now, earning a nice salary." "And you told me yourself they may make you division sales manager before long." "[Chuckles] Let's change the subject." "To what?" "To this." "The address is 148 west 59th street, apartment 6a." "Her name is Cooke..." "Gloria Cooke." "She's a blonde." "Swell." "Do you take him there every day?" "Just about." "You see, the stock exchange closes at 3:00." "Well, I pick up Mr. holman around, uh, 4:00 and deliver him to her about 4:15." "What's his old lady think he's doing?" "Playing squash at the racquet club." "[Laughs]" "You know, my boss tells his old lady that he's playing polo." "He's got a helmet and a couple of mallets he always takes along in the car." "Does Mr. holman generally have dinner at the hideout?" "Never..." "I pick him up at 6:30 and drive him home for dinner." "Where he arrives all worn out from playing squash." "[Laughter] That's great, Joe." "Here." "Get yourself a house and lot." "Thanks." "[Deep voice] Your reading has ended, Mrs. holman." "I can't continue." "Please go on..." "I can tell by your face that you know something you don't want to tell me." "But, my dear Mrs. holman, it is of such a..." "A delicate nature that..." "That I must ask you to excuse me." "Dr. munro, I promised you $500." "I'll double that amount if you'll go on." "$1,000?" "You mean that?" "I certainly do." "I'm dying of curiosity." "But remember, Mrs. holman, the truth sometimes hurts." "I see your husband embroiled with another woman..." "A blonde." "The apartment number is... 6a." "Wretch!" "The dirty sneak!" "And all the time he told me that he was playing squash." "[Muffled upbeat music playing]" "Don, open that door!" "Don, open that door, or I'll break it down!" "I know you're in there with that blonde hussy!" "[Metal clangs]" "[Music continues]" "Man:" "Mrs. holman, is that your husband?" "It certainly is." "I'd know those feet anyplace in the world." "Hello, Alice." "Hello." "Oh, Mrs. Chandler, mama says she can't go shopping with you this afternoon." "Why not?" "She has a headache or something." "Must be awful because she's crying." "Where is she, dear?" "In the bedroom, but she told me not to bother her." "[Crying]" "Why, Ellen, honey, what's the matter?" "I'm leaving." "Never coming back." "I'm taking Alice with me, too." "If he thinks he can get away with..." "Well, wait a minute." "Leaving?" "Why?" "What's happened?" "Ralph." "He's got another woman." "I've suspected it for months, but this morning..." "Well, I found out all about it." "You mean you actually caught him?" "Same thing." "It's been torturing me for weeks." "I had to make sure." "I couldn't stand it any longer, so I went to Dr. munro." "The fortune teller?" "He told me the girl's name, gave me the address of the apartment, and the hours Ralph is with her." "And those are exactly the hours he's away from home." "It's true!" "I know it!" "I feel it is!" "And Alice and I are getting out forever!" "Oh, Ellen, you're not going to give up a home and happiness just because some idiot has put a lot of nonsense into your head." "Oh, don't believe it." "It isn't true, any of it." "It must be true." "Haven't you been reading the papers?" "Everything that man tells people actually happens." "Oh, well, I suppose this munro is a little more clever than the general run of fortune tellers, but they're all cheats and fakes." "He told me things about Ralph I know are true." "Where does this..." "This great wizard hang out?" "Why?" "Never mind." "What's his address?" "His card's in my pocketbook." "Sylvia, what are you going to do?" "Now, look, I want you to promise me that you won't leave here or do anything foolish till I get back." "I'm going to have a little chat with this Dr. munro." "Is Dr. munro in?" "I-I don't know." "I just-a clean here." "Oh." "You Dr. munro's secretary?" "No." "Is he in there?" "I don't know." "I was just going..." "Are you Dr. munro?" "Yes." "What do you want?" "I'm don holman." "So, you're the dirty rat that tipped off my wife and broke up my home." "Well, I'm gonna teach you to keep your dirty nose out of other people's business." "Now, wait a minute, friend!" "Are you quite sure you know what you're talking about?" "You wouldn't want to attack an innocent man." "This is one jam you're not gonna talk yourself out of." "Now, go on." "Get out of here." "Go on." "Get out!" "[Gunshot]" "[Breathing heavily]" "So you don't know Dr. munro?" "No." "Never saw him in your life?" "No." "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a married woman." "How long you been married?" "About a year." "What's your husband do?" "He's assistant sales manager for the gower brush company." "Well, well, that's fine, and what were you doing in munro's office after business hours?" "But I've told you," "I had to go there because this friend of mine..." "For the love of Pete, are you gonna start that again?" "Come on." "What were you doing in his office?" "You saw Mr. holman go in there, didn't you?" "!" "Yes." "But you didn't see munro?" "I've never seen the man in my life!" "Did you ever happen to see this man?" "Why, that's my husband." "Yeah." "It's Dr. munro, too." "It is?" "He... he's munro?" "[Laughter] Are you trying to tell us you've been married to the guy for a year and didn't know it was Dr. munro?" "Come on." "Where's munro hiding?" "I don't know!" "I tell you, I don't know!" "All right, lock her up." "She'll talk in time." "This way." "[Train whistle blows]" "[Piano playing, indistinct conversations]" "[Gong crashes]" "[Gong crashes]" "Yes." "I..." "In a way..." "That's..." "Goes..." "Come on!" "Snap out of it!" "[Groaning]" "Snap out of it, will ya?" "We're on next." "Ladies and gentlemen!" "You are now about to witness one of the scientific marvels of the age!" "You are about to see the great divoni in an exhibition of mind-reading that has baffled doctors, scientists, and college professors!" "It has made him the favorite entertainer to the princes, kings, and potentates of Europe." "He reads your mind like it was an open book." "Introducing the great divoni!" "[Gong crashes]" "[Piano playing, conversations continue]" "Snap out of it." "What shall I do with the questions, great master?" "What shall I do with the questions, great master?" "Great master says burn them." "Come on." "Snap out of it, you chump." "These tamale-knockers will tear the joint down." "Isabella Gomez wants to know if Manuel is going to marry her legally." "Got it?" "Isabella Gomez wants to know if Manuel is going to marry her legally." "[Slurring] I get a message from..." "Isabella Gomez." "She asks me if..." "She asks me." "Why should she ask me?" "What do I know about anything?" "Of all the dirty, rotten, lowdown figures, I'm it." "Everything about me is crooked." "Everything about every mind reader is crooked!" "You ask me questions..." "Ha ha!" "And I answer them!" "[Laughing]" "Sure!" "I'll show you how!" "Here... a guy downstairs reads me your questions over these phones." "And you think I'm supernatural." "[Laughing]" "You're saps!" "You're fools!" "You're idiots!" "You ask me to tell you things!" "You think I know!" "I'll tell you what I know." "I'm the guy who knows how stupid you are." "You pay me money to wreck you, torture you, boil you up, play to you, and laugh at you, sitting there like a school of fish with your mouths open!" "I made a woman kill herself!" "I've broken up homes!" "Ha ha!" "I've broken up my own home!" "[Laughing]" "Here!" "Take it with you!" "Gaze into it!" "Play with it like a coconut, you sillies!" "[Indistinct shouting]" "All right, send him in." "Man:" "Yes, sir." "Are you the district attorney?" "I am." "You're holding a woman on suspicion of murder, the holman case." "That's right." "Mrs. Sylvia munro." "She's in a prison hospital, sick, isn't she?" "Well?" "If I can prove that she had nothing to do with the crime, no knowledge of it, is absolutely innocent, that would clear her, wouldn't it?" "Naturally." "All right." "I killed him." "I'm Dr. munro." "It was self-defense." "That night, about 6:00, I was just leaving my office, and the door flew open, and holman came..." "Now wait a minute." "Uh, sit down." "[Click]" "Send in a stenographer and a couple of witnesses right away." "Man:" "Yes, sir." "Well, Sylvia, it's all over." "You're clear and free." "Yes, they said I could leave just as soon as I'm well enough." "And don't worry about me." "Don't give me a thought." "Chan, how can I help it, after what you've done?" "I've got the best mouthpiece in town... self-defense." "It's an open-and-shut case." "Got me out on bail like that." "Says I'm a cinch to be acquitted in a one-day trial." "Cinch to be acquitted?" "I know I haven't got any right to ask this, but, uh..." "I want you to do me a favor." "Sylvia..." "[Chuckles] Well, this is kind of tough to say, but I've hurt you so much already," "I might as well go all the way." "Our lives are a million Miles apart." "I've pretended to be happy with you, but I never really was." "Oh." "Well, it's not your fault." "I'm to blame." "I'm just no good." "I..." "I want you to divorce me." "Divorce you?" "But you're young and fine..." "On the level." "You got everything in the world to offer." "Your whole life's before you." "It'll be clear sailing without me." "Besides, I don't love you." "I never did." "Chan, you're lying." "But you haven't fooled me a bit." "I know you're in terrible trouble, and you're trying to carry it alone." "Well, I brought it all on myself." "Why should I divide the load with you?" "I'm a flop, a failure." "Oh, of course you're not." "If you were fool enough to take me back," "I'd only crush you up again." "You wouldn't." "I know you wouldn't now." "But I tell you, I'm no good." "I never was." "I never will be." "Of course you are or you wouldn't have come back." "Oh, there you go, bulling yourself into it." "I don't care what you say or how black you paint yourself." "You need me now more than ever, and I'm going to stick." "I'm going all the way with you." "Come on." "Time's up." "I'll be all right." "You can come to see me." "I'll be..." "We'll be all right." "Say, these are pals of mine." "Can I say goodbye?" "Okay." "Gee, boss, that crystal sure done us wrong." "Never picked the right horse." "Now it sends you to the can." "So long, pal." "I got to hand it to you for coming back and taking it on the chin." "Thanks." "But I guess maybe somebody must have dropped you on your head when you were a baby." "[Laughs] 2 to 10 years." "That's an awful long time." "I wonder how much you get off for good behavior?" "Don't ask me." "You're the mind reader." "Man:" "Let's get going." "So long, boys." "So long, chan." "So long, boss." "Say, boss, give my regards to Louie." "You remember Louie the fire eater?" "He's up there for life!" "It sure is tough to be going away just when beer's coming back."