"SMILES OF A SUMMER NIGHT" " Here are your theatre tickets, sir." " Thank you." " It's four o'clock." " Fine." "Miss Armfeldt is appearing." "Miss Armfeldt..." "I didn't know that." " Miss Armfeldt, the great actress..." " Thank you, I knew that." "What did he say at the mention of Desiree Armfeldt?" "He blushed and gave a start." " He gave a start?" " Very noticeably so." " Goodbye, gentlemen." " Goodbye, Mr Egerman." "Go out in the sun, gentlemen!" "Summer is here." ""Go out in the sun, gentlemen!"" "He'll go straight home to his young wife." "So the son from his former marriage doesn't delve into Daddy's flowerbed." "Is it true Desiree Armfeldt was his mistress?" "For two years, after the death of his first wife." "Then she threw him out." " A woman of easy virtue." " I should say so!" " But then she is an actress." " Well, that says it all." "EGERMAN ESQ." "BARRISTER" "Adolf!" "Mr Egerman is here!" "He'll be here presently." "Presently." "How do you do, sir?" "I have to say that the photographs of your young wife   are the most excellent portraits ever taken by this studio." " An outstanding artistic achievement." " The subject..." "The subject is always paramount." "Yes..." "Anne Egerman is beautiful." " Is my wife in?" " Oh yes, sir." " She's asked for you repeatedly, sir." " I'm a little late." " The weather is beautiful." " Yes, summer is here." "Though I prefer autumn." "The early autumn, that is." " How old are you, Petra?" " Eighteen, sir." " A pleasant age." " Do you think so too, sir?" " Is my son at home?" " He is reading to madam." ""Virtue arms the virtuous man"   "and although temptation is an attack, it is not a fall."" ""Apropos of this, Martin Luther said:"" ""You cannot stop the birds from flying over your head"   "but you can prevent their building a nest in your hair."" "Hello, children!" "Hello, Mrs Egerman!" "Forgive me for holding up tea, but you have had company." "Hello, my son." "How did you do at the examination?" " Brilliantly, no doubt." " The professor commended Henrik." "He said it was nice to see a theologian who wasn't a fool." " Still determined to enter the Church?" " Don't be mean, Fredrik." "Why...!" "Oh, what fun!" "We are going to the theatre tonight." "What shall I wear?" "And you have time to go, what fun!" "What shall I wear?" "Imagine, you're taking your little Anne to the theatre." " Look, Henrik!" " Would you rather go with Henrik...?" "When I can go with you, you who are always so busy?" "What shall I wear?" "The blue one with the plumes?" "Or the yellow one..." "Is it a comedy?" "I know..." "The white one goes with both crying and laughing!" "Stupid of me to buy only two tickets." "But I suppose comedy is all too worldly for a man of God." "Perhaps." "Anne, dearest?" "To enjoy the performance to the full I suggest we take a nap first." "Will you forgive us for deserting you?" "See you at dinner." " Don't walk like that!" " What do you mean, Master Henrik?" " You are swaying your hips, Petra." " Am I?" "I am!" "How droll...!" "Desiree..." "How I've longed for you." "Pray tell me about the countess." "I have never met her, only watched her from afar." "I fully understand your request, Mme de Vilmorac." "I shall, to the best of my ability, seek to delineate the countess's person   which, however, is all too nuanced and rich in mysterious contrasts   to be related in a few moments." "Her power over men is said to be of a singular quality." "Countess Celimene de Francen de la Tour de Casas." " Who plays the Countess?" " Miss Armfeldt, I believe." " Isn't her first name Desiree?" " It is." "May I have the glasses?" " Why did she look at us?" " I don't think she did." " She looked at us and smiled." "Why?" " To acknowledge the applause." " How beautiful she is." " It's just grease-paint." "How do you know?" "We do all know that each man has his dignity." "Women can commit manifold sins against husbands, lovers and sons   excepting one: to offend their dignity." "If we do so, we are silly, and will have to take the consequences." "Rather, we should make of a man's dignity our foremost ally   and caress it, soothe it, talk fondly to it   and treat it like our dearest toy." "Only then do we have a man in our hands, at our feet   or wherever else we want him at that particular moment." "Do you believe this can be reconciled with true and sincere love, madam?" "Do not forget, madam, that love is a continuous game   with three balls, the names of which are: heart, words and loins." "How easy to play with the three balls." "And how easy to drop one of them..." " I shudder at this lack of decency!" " I want to go home." "I assure you that Her Ladyship's lack of decency is highly moral   and her influence on all men greatly ennobling   whatever their standing may be." "Why... has the play already finished?" "Madam is not feeling well." "Help her to bed, Petra." "Your health, my son!" "I didn't know that playing the guitar was part of a clergyman's education." "A fine wine." "You've good taste." "I'm glad you're celebrating taking your exam." " I'm so terribly unhappy." " Yes, of course." " You're being ironical." " Why should you be unhappy?" "You are young, the moon is out, you have passed your exam   you have champagne, and a girl who is decidedly... attractive." "Yet you are unhappy." "The expectations of youth!" " I don't love her." " So much the better." "We have sinned, and still it was all..." "If thrown off, one must remount immediately." " This is true of both love and riding." " Disgusting!" "Why confuse things, my boy?" "The erotic is the toy of young and old men." "Love is..." " So a young person can't love?" " Oh yes!" "A young person loves always... himself." "His love for himself, and for love itself." "But a mature man like yourself knows all about love?" " I think so." " Splendid...!" "It's dreadful, my son..." "and very difficult to cope with." "Are you sincere now, Father?" "Petra was so kind... "Better luck next time!", she said and laughed." "What did you say...?" "Oh yes!" "One's debut is a miserable farce!" "Fortunately, women don't take it half as seriously as we do." " Or mankind would die out." " You joke about everything." "You will too, when you see your own folly, and the triviality of your illusions." " Madam wants to say goodnight, sir." " I'll be there, Petra." "You are a good girl, Petra." "I shall see to it you have a raise." " Would you become jealous?" " Jealous?" "If Henrik started courting me or if I took a fancy to him?" "Just to take an example." " You and your ideas..." " Would you be jealous?" "Answer me!" "I can't answer if I'm not sitting straight." "Yes, I believe I'd be jealous." "Because you're so young and I'm so old." " And because I am fond of you both." " You are frightfully old." " Why did you marry me?" " Are you interrogating me...?" " Did you think I was pretty?" " Well, yes... awfully pretty." " Different from the other women?" " That too." "And I was only sixteen." "Well, yes... that too." " I was domestic and always cheerful." " And you made me cheerful." "And the wolf thought:" ""I wonder what a young girl would taste like?"" " Do you think so?" " Admit the wolf had dirty thoughts..." "Yes, perhaps the wolf did, sometimes." " Then the wolf was disappointed." " Why?" "You were so lonely and sad that summer." "I felt so awfully sorry for you." "And then we got engaged!" "It was I who suggested we did!" "Have you forgotten that?" "You become forgetful with age." "I shall sleep now." "One day I shall really be your wife." " And we shall have a child." " Yes, yes." "You have to be patient." "Good night." " It wasn't a very amusing play." " We didn't see much of it." "How old can that Armfeldt woman be?" "I don't know, I'm sure." " Fifty, no doubt." " Oh, I don't think so." "Old, in any case." "Good night." ""Virtue is continuous, for if interrupted it ceases to be virtue."" ""Neither does a virtue recently initiated, merit the name virtue."" ""Virtue is diametrically opposed to, not only the indecent act"   "but as much, nay, sooner, to the indecent thought or fantasy."" ""Virtue arms the virtuous man"   "and although temptation is an attack, it is not a fall."" ""Apropos of this, Martin Luther said:"" " You're not listening!" " I am, but I don't understand." " Your mind is elsewhere!" " Not where you think." " I was thinking of your father." " He's an old cynic!" "I think he's sweet." "When he looks at you with his roguish eyes, you feel a tingle all over." "You are a wanton, lascivious woman!" "It's a pity you are so sweet in one end, and so muddled in the other." " What do you mean by that?" " Oh, nothing." "You're as sweet as a little doll, Master Henrik." " Hello, Malla." " Bless me!" "Miss Glad!" "Would you be so kind and wash my collars?" "Where are you, Mr Almroth?" "Fredrik!" "Fredrik...!" "You old goat, you bastard, you long-nosed camel!" " You're looking unusually human." " Thanks for the compliment." "Is your large pectoral aching?" "The heart, as mortals call it." " That's not why I came here." " Oh no..." "It was always your noblest parts that brought you to Desiree." "It's funny, but today when I took a nap " " I was dreaming of you in a..." "In short, I was dreaming of you." "I suddenly noticed that I was saying your name while caressing my wife." " Fortunately, Anne didn't notice." " How touching...!" " "In his dreams she remained alive!"" " You've grown mean in your old age." "The last three years I've turned 29, which is nothing for a woman my age." "My young wife thought you were 50." "What a little cow!" "Fredrik, it means... she knows what you were talking about in your sleep." "She did seem upset, and was asking odd questions." "And Anne is no fool." "She can't be, as she dared to marry you." "Promise not to laugh, and I'll tell you something." "Sit over there while I take my dress off." "You can laugh all you want, but..." "We have been married for two years and I haven't..." "In short, she is still untouched." "The end of the world is nigh...!" "The old goat has turned into the tender gardener." "She is afraid of me, and I can understand why." "I want her to ripen undisturbed." "I want her to come to me of her own free will, without feeling obliged." " I believe you love her." " A sullied word." "If I've ever loved anyone, it's her." "Fredrik Egerman in love, I can't believe it!" "You get funny ideas as the years go by." "Those that are called gentleness, consideration love." "A remarkable girl   who has made you suffer from something other than toothaches." "When I come home, she runs to greet me because she is happy I'm back." "She is headstrong like a spoilt child." "She is hot-tempered and gets violently angry." "She is so vivacious that my house is subsiding and the walls are cracking." "She is tender and loving." "She likes my smoking a pipe." "She likes me... as if I were her father." "Dear God!" "I'm a grown man." "All too often the goat rears his head and brays." "One is sorry and angry, that was not the plan." "What do you want from me?" "I want you to tell me Anne is a hopeless case." " Or the opposite..." "Or whatever!" " How could I?" "I don't know her." "You have to help me, Desiree." "For old friendship's sake." "And what a fine reason too..." "Our superb trysts aside, you are my only friend." "The only person to whom I can show myself, warts and all." "And what do I get in return?" " I have a young son, take him." " Shame on you!" " A mount, a noble steed?" " Not enough." " A string of pearls?" " I have enough of them." "You will be rewarded in heaven." "Oh no, Fredrik Egerman...!" "I want my reward in this life." " Excuse me while I have a bath." " Certainly." " Should I leave the room?" " Don't be so foolish." " I'm still bleeding." " Fredrik... come over here." "Am I as beautiful as I was?" "Have the years changed me?" "Be honest." "You are just as beautiful, just as desirable." "Your body has that perfection which perfection lacks." "A lure not found in excellence." "The show is over." "Go and sit on the sofa over there." "Can you finish fooling about so I can dress you?" " Oh no, you're cross with me, Malla..." " Not cross, only sleepy." "If it weren't for you, Malla, I'd be a reed shaken by the wind." "Either way, you're a confounded reed!" "Is that gentleman handsome and worth consideration?" "I know Mr Egerman, he's as careless as they come." " As careless as they come." " Miss Desiree is getting on." "Before you know it, you'll be on the wrong side of your salad days." "So I'm wasting my youth on the wrong men?" "There's a time for gaiety and a time for gravity." "One doesn't want too many scratches in the veneer." "Where is my red dress?" " Are you going to a party?" " Yes, I am." "I'm going out with Fredrik Egerman." "We are going to revive old memories." "You are hereby formally invited for a glass of wine." "Go away all bitterness trials and tribulations" "Here and now we only have frolic and sweet loving" "Let us all be merry now" "Pleasure is our only vow" "To make love our reason does prescribe you" "And if we never loved" "Oh!" "What would we do in life?" "Watch out for the puddle, Fredrik!" "I say, Fredrik..." "Aren't you handsome!" " Put the nightcap on." " I object to..." "You could catch cold, so put on the nightcap." "How could a woman ever love a man, can you tell me that?" "A woman's view is seldom aesthetic." "And you can always turn the light out." " Whose are these items?" " A man's." " It's too..." " It would be worse if you were naked." " What if he shows up?" " He's on manoeuvres." "An officer..." "What's wrong with that?" "Underneath the uniform they're just like other men." "A dragoon, perhaps...?" "He is a very handsome man." "What was that?" " That was Fredrik." " Fredrik?" " Fredrik, yes." " Fredrik?" "!" " You look queer." " Have I..." "I mean, have you..." "That is... surely, that's not possible?" "Now look at Fredrik Egerman." "Mostly, he's as white as a frayed sheet." "At the same time, he is a bit flattered, touched and enormously mawkish." ""My dearest Desiree, alone and brave you have toiled on all these years"   "sacrificing all for the pledge of our love."" "Just answer my question!" "The child is mine, and no one else's." " His name is Fredrik!" " After Frederick the Great of Prussia." "Desiree!" "Go to sleep now." "Pay no attention to what the silly man says." " I would never have your child." " Motherhood doesn't suit you." "Have your hot toddy and then leave!" "May I wish you a thoroughly enjoyable night." " May I say something?" " You're the same as ever!" "Solemn regarding yourself, cynical and stupid when it comes to others." " May I say something?" " No!" "It's an historic event that you have been hit by spasms above the navel." " I too have feelings." " Calm yourself." "I am perfectly calm." "Can I help it that I am temperamental?" " May I say something?" " No, you may not!" "I wish that you, you long-nosed baboon   that you'd once break to the core, so much so that not a fart was left!" "I have suffered quite a lot." "You have suffered!" "What with, your galoshes?" "The solicitor whose head is as well-arranged as his desk." " I want to talk now!" " No, I'm talking!" "And I will talk, even if I have nothing to say!" "You've made me so furious that I forget what I'm thinking!" " What was it you wanted to say?" " I forget." " Can I go to bed now?" " Of course, Malla dear." " Do you want sugar?" " No, thank you." "Forgive my thoughtlessness." "You too must know what loneliness is, despite your wife and son." "Sometimes my home appears to me an elementary school of love." " How very fitting." " We two were adults." "We knew what we were doing." " Especially when we broke it off." " You broke off!" "What did you have to offer me?" "Security?" "A future?" "Were you even in love with me?" "I was a nice playmate, a pretty thing to show off to your bachelor friends." " Were you going to marry me?" " Well, I..." " My wife had just died." " Don't be namby-pamby." " Were you going to marry me?" " Maybe I wasn't just then." "See!" "Besides, you valiantly amused yourself with scores of other women." "But you were the headquarters." "Just thinking of how I let you treat me infuriates me." "You were a scoundrel!" "Why do you get so cross?" "Why do you scold me and call me names?" " You never forgave easily." " Oh no?" "Who brought up the past?" "What's it to me that you love your child bride and can't manage her?" "What's it to me if your heart is bleeding?" "Let it bleed, and feel what it's like." "I thought we were friends." "Confound my previous candour!" "You have never had any friends but yourself." "Just like you, in that case!" "I have the theatre, my dear sir." "The theatre is my life, and I'm talented." "I don't need anyone's help with anything, except to lace me up." "So we say goodnight." "My dreams will be strictly monogamous in future." "I'm most grateful   if I can be spared all participation in your base fantasies, my dear sir." "Besides, you weren't very good as the Countess." "The part should go to a younger actress." "But you still have your name, Mademoiselle Armfeldt..." "Look out, Mr Fredrik Egerman   so a younger member of your family doesn't assume your role as husband." " Who is that?" " I fear it is Malcolm." " The dragoon, you mean?" " I'll ask Malla to answer the door." " I forbid you to answer it!" " Are you afraid?" "A gentleman does not face a rival deprived of his trousers!" "Malla, can you answer the door." " You are enjoying yourself, I take it?" " Malcolm is a very jealous man." "Will he be armed?" "He could do for you unarmed, if so inclined..." " Perhaps I could hide...?" " This is not the theatre, Fredrik dear." "But it's still a damned farce!" "I beg you excuse my dusty appearance." "My faithful horse, Rummel, went down just outside town." "Some humble flowers I managed to obtain from a nearby park." "How charming, dearest Carl-Magnus." "And what lovely flowers." " How long will you stay?" " I have 20 hours' leave." "Three hours to come here, nine with you, five with my wife, and three back." "Would you mind if I change into my dressing-gown?" " It's occupied, I'm afraid." " So I see." "But I thought it soon would be available." "Allow me to introduce you..." "This is Mr Egerman, the lawyer." " Count Malcolm." " Charmed, I'm sure." "Mr Egerman fell in the pool of water by the front gate." " I hope you weren't hurt." " Oh no, not a scratch." "I'm so glad." "Is your visit at this hour of an official nature?" "We are old friends." "I also see my nightshirt has proved useful." "It fits you well, I trust?" "Not too small, not too large?" "Very well, thank you." "Not too small... and not too large." "I suppose I should see if your clothes are dry, Fredrik." "Don't you think?" "Mademoiselle Armfeldt has been my mistress for six months." "I am extremely jealous." "Other men are ashamed of this, calling it a flaw." "I'm not ashamed, I'm frank." "I openly admit that I do not tolerate pugs, lap-dogs   cats or so-called old friends." " Have I made myself clear?" " I couldn't possibly misunderstand." " Are you fond of duelling?" " I have never tried it." "I have fought eighteen duels." "Pistol, rapier, foil   spear, bow, poison, rifle." "Six times I have been wounded." "Otherwise Fortune has favoured me, or "that cold fury" which, according to General Sommer makes the victorious soldier." "I am truly impressed." "You see this fruit-knife?" "I shall throw it across the room." "Its target is the photograph of the old lady." "The face." "The eye." "Pay attention!" "You should perform at a circus." " You're a lawyer?" " At your service." "I believe your profession to be society's parasites." "Allow me to express my admiration for your military frankness." "Speaking of which, will there be a war?" " Why should there be a war?" " I wonder that too..." " Are you being impudent?" " Certainly!" " Have you enjoyed yourselves?" " I've been greatly entertained." " Are my clothes dry?" " Not at all." "I am happy to lend you my nightshirt for your journey home." "You may well want to accept that generous offer." "I should like to keep the dressing-gown, if you don't mind." "I thank you for your kindness, but I'd rather put on my wet clothes." "Regrettably, there is no time for that, Mr Egerman." "It's late... and you are in a great hurry." "Do as he tells you." " Good night." " Good night." "Here are your clothes." "Miss Desiree gives her best regards and says you shouldn't be sorry." "How kind..." " She thought your quarrel stimulating." " She said that, did she?" " She was sorry you were interrupted." " Interrupted, how so?" "She had looked forward a great deal to your reconciliation." "Whatever did she mean by that?" " Good morning, Mama." " What has happened?" "Since you visit your old mother at seven in the morning..." "I have broken off with Count Malcolm." " Someone else?" " Perhaps." " Do I know him?" " Perhaps you do." " Better or worse?" " That depends on your angle." "Besides, he is not aware of his promotion." "Look at that!" "The Patience came out." " It always does if one cheats a little." " You're wrong." "Patience is the only thing in life that calls for absolute morality." " What were we talking about?" " My husband-to-be." "A very interesting subject - at least for you, dear girl." " Why did you break with the count?" " He threatened me with a poker." "That was very naughty of the count." " In all probability he had his reasons." " For once I really was innocent." "It must have been early in the evening." " And what did you do?" " I hit him on the head with the poker." " What did the count say then?" " We elected to part amicably." "Very wise." "A former lover with whom one is on friendly terms can be useful." " What were we talking about?" " What we were talking about." "It was different in my day." "Your father once threw me out of a window." " Was it open?" " No, closed." "I fell straight onto a lieutenant-colonel." " He later became your father." " You said my father threw you out." "He became your father later, I said." " My God, I loved him so!" " Which of them?" "He who threw me out of the window!" "The other one was a dolt." "He never could think of anything fun to do." "Why don't you write your memoirs?" "I was given this estate on the promise of not writing my memoirs." " I want you to give a party for me." " I don't remember promising you that." "Just this once, dear Mother, say yes." "Well, bring me the invitation cards." "Who are we inviting?" "If it's actors, they'll have to eat in the stable." "The Count and Countess Malcolm." "Mr Egerman, the lawyer   his wife and his son Henrik." " I see." "And what are your intentions?" " I mean to do a good deed." "Beware of good deeds!" "They cost far too much." "And they have a nasty smell." "You don't know how good this deed will be." "Well, lawyers can always come in handy." "I admire your confused acumen." " Do you really love that ass?" " Which one do you mean?" " Which one do you mean?" " Oh that one!" "Yes, I love him." "As I have always said:" ""Desiree, you worry me!"" "Your character is far too strong, you got that from your father." "Which one?" "I have several to choose from." " What was that?" " You're not listening..." "I never did." "Is that why you're so healthy?" "If people only knew how unhealthy it is to to listen to people's talk   people wouldn't bother to listen, and they would be ever so much healthier." " Was our conversation important?" " Is anything really important to you?" "I am tired of people - but that does not prevent me from loving them." " What a beautiful thing to say!" " Yes..." "I could have them stuffed in long rows, any number of them!" " Have you finished with the cards?" " Yes, the capital letters came off well." "Thank you, I'll take them." "One can never protect a single human being from any kind of suffering." "That is what makes one so tremendously weary." " Where is my husband?" " In the skittle alley, My Lady." " Niklas!" " Yes, Captain." " Saddle up Semiramis for 9 o'clock." " Yes, Captain." "Furthermore, send Mlle Armfeldt fifty red roses, with a message." "And fifty-five yellow roses to my wife, no message." "Is that clear?" " Yes, Captain." " Go to it!" " Aren't you on exercise?" " Flying visit." "Watch out, it's loaded." " Inspection?" " You could call it that." " I missed." " You didn't even hit the target." " You aimed for too long." " How was Miss Armfeldt?" "A gentleman in a nightshirt was there." " What did you do?" " I turned the lawyer out." " In a nightshirt?" " In a nightshirt." " Lawyer?" " Egerman." " That was better." " Mr Egerman himself." " People have no morals these days." " Poor Anne..." " Are you leaving today?" " At nine o'clock." " That's good." " The pleasure is all mine." "When do you return?" "We're invited to old Mrs Armfeldt's this weekend." " The Egermans will be there." " How interesting..." "Look at that - bull's eye!" "What would you say if I shot you instead?" " What will my wife do today?" " I'll be bored, as usual." "You should pay a visit to your friend Anne Egerman." "She is probably ignorant of her husband's escapades." " Are you that jealous?" " My wife may cheat on me." "But if anyone touches my mistress, I turn into a tiger!" "Good day, fair lady!" "Good morning, son." "Please sit." " Are you leaving today?" " I may stay a little longer." " No birds nesting in your hair then?" " No." "I almost had one laying eggs in mine." " What did you say?" " Nothing." "Enjoy your meal!" " Good morning, Petra." " Good morning, sir." "I saw you." " What's the harm in it?" " None, but it's not right either." " You know that, of course!" " You just want to get on." "But a tart remains a tart, even if she tarts about with His Majesty the King." "That's madam." "I'll see to her." " Brush my hair, Petra, it feels so nice." " Yes, madam." " Are you a virgin, Petra?" " Dear me, no!" " I am." " I know." " How do you know?" " You can tell by your skin and eyes." " Can anyone see that?" " No, I don't think so." " How old were you, Petra?" " Sixteen, madam." " Was it horrible?" " Bless me, madam." "It was so nice and curious, you could almost die." " Were you in love with that boy?" " Yes, I suppose I was." " Have you loved many since then?" " I'm always in love, madam." " But not with the same?" " No, you tire of them." "That makes it even nicer with the next boy." "Nearly everything that is jolly is not virtuous." "If so, I'll give three cheers for all things wicked." " Just a ribbon today." " You should put your hair up." " It's more feminine." " I don't want it up today." "Very well, madam." " Which dress shall I wear?" " The yellow one." "I'll take the blue one." "I have a good figure." "At least as good as yours, Petra." " Would you like to be a man?" " Dear me, no, what a horrid thought!" "I wouldn't like to be a man either." "I'll feed the birds now, and then I'll see to my plants." "We do have our duties." "Isn't that so, Petra?" "Good morning, Beata." "I thought we should have a nice roast for dinner today." " We're having fish today." " I want roast." "Naturally you can have roast, madam." "The gentlemen will have fish though." " What are you doing with that?" " Watering the flowers." "I watered them at seven this morning." "But surely that is my task?" "Well, it's been done." " What are you reading?" " A book." " What is it called?" " You wouldn't know if I told you." "I demand to know the title of your book!" " What did I tell you?" " What a horrible old dressing gown!" "Give it to me, I'm going to burn it!" "Phew, what a stench!" "It has probably never been washed." "And what are those slippers?" "Take them off immediately, you pig!" "I will burn them too." "How can you smoke that disgusting old pipe?" "And here's for flirting with Petra..." "Shame on you!" "Enter." "Enter." "What do you want, my girl?" "I'm sorry I disturbed you." " Countess Malcolm, madam." " Charlotte!" "How nice!" "Bring us some lemonade and biscuits." "Isn't it hot?" "A veritable heat wave." " What a beautiful dress!" " Allow me to repay the compliment." " I wish I had your beautiful colouring." " I have always wanted your looks." " I can't have my hair down like a girl." " Yet we're the same age, aren't we?" " How old are you, Charlotte?" " How old are you?" " Nineteen, but I'll be twenty soon." " Well, I'm a few years older." " So how are you?" " Henrik is here." "He did very well at his exams, his professor says." " By the way, how is your husband?" " Well..." "He is very well." "So the good Mr Egerman is well." " He hasn't caught a cold then?" " In this heat?" " It wasn't so hot last night." " I'm not sure I understand, dear..." "It's the oddest thing..." "Your husband was seen in town last night." " He must have gone for a walk." " In his nightshirt?" "Why shouldn't he do that if he wants to?" "They say he came from Mlle Armfeldt's house, the actress..." " Fredrik has always liked the theatre." " I hear she holds orgies in her house." "Another biscuit, Charlotte?" " Are they old Beata's?" " Yes, she's a real treasure." "I'm not a gossip monger, as you know." " What if I already knew?" " He's told you?" "A likely story!" " He did." " I simply don't believe you." "I suppose he met your husband at Miss Armfeldt's house." "I'm sure I don't understand." "But dear, the whole town knows about him and Mlle Armfeldt." "Very well!" "It's none of my business what the cad does." "I respond in kind." " Poor Charlotte." " I hate him!" "I hate him, hate him, hate him!" "Men are horrid - vain and conceited." "And they have hair all over their bodies." "He smiles at me kisses me..." "He comes to me at night driving me insane with his caresses." "He speaks kindly to me and brings me flowers, always yellow roses." "He talks about his horses, his women and duels   about his soldiers and hunts, talks and talks and talks..." "Love is a loathsome business." "For all that, I still love him." "I would do anything for him." "Anything, do you understand?" "Just so he will pat me on the head and say: "That's a good dog."" "Poor you." "Desiree is so strong and independent." "No one can master her." "Not even Carl Magnus, that's why he's obsessed by her." " I don't know her." " All men are drawn towards her." "I don't understand it." "Well, I'm glad you knew." "No harm done then." "No." " Most likely, she has never loved." " What was that?" " Who?" " Desiree!" "Most likely, she has never loved anyone." "She probably loves only herself." " Good morning, Countess." "How nice!" " Yes, we're having a lovely time." "We're invited to old Mrs Armfeldt's." " Isn't she Desiree Armfeldt's mother?" " So I believe." "Maybe we'll meet the great actress." "Won't that be nice?" " Are you invited too, Countess?" " Yes, my husband and I." " You go." " I'll decline for both of us." " Wait, I've changed my mind." " So we're going?" "I'm so looking forward to it." " How are you feeling?" " Excellent, just a slight cold." "Ladies." "I don't understand..." "How charming of you to have us here for the weekend, Mrs Armfeldt." "Your children are very beautiful, especially the young girl." "She is my wife, Mrs Armfeldt." "I believe you lead a busy life, Mr Egerman." "My profession is rather taxing." "Really, Mr Egerman?" "I wouldn't have thought so." " I'm afraid I don't quite follow." " That is of little consequence." "The main thing is not to lose one's head, wouldn't you say?" " So you're Petra." " And you're Frid." "You're a charming little female." "I don't suppose you've heard that before?" "Stop that and take down the trunk." " Do you have a beau?" " No, but I've plans for the future." "Then I'm the right man for you, I'm a coming man, see." " Have the other guests arrived?" " No, but they'll be here soon." " Your Mr and Mrs have this room." " And their son Henrik?" " You want to know that, do you...?" " The cheek...!" "This is the boy's room." "Damned good it is too!" "Do you know why?" "I'll tell you - it's a guest room for royalty." "Oh really, has there been true royalty in here?" "You see, the king had a minister, and the minister had a beautiful wife." "And his highness took a fancy to the young wife." "The king and his minister met here." "The minister and his wife were in Mr and Mrs Egerman's room." " The king was here." " And the wife came here." "Nope, you're wrong there, little maid!" "When the minister was asleep, the king pushed this button." "Do it!" "You're just having me on." "Do what I tell you!" "Thus the pretty lady came through the wall, bed and all   to divert herself with his highness." "My, how clever!" "A bed like that would be good to have." "You're a little devil, aren't you?" "Don't pinch me!" "Oh look!" "Who is that beautiful lady down there?" "Is that Desiree, the actress?" "If only I had her looks..." "How nice of you to come." "And this is your young wife..." "Delighted!" " Count Malcolm, my wife." " Charmed." " Mr Egerman, Countess Malcolm." " We've met before." " Charlotte!" " Anne!" "I'm delighted to see you, Countess." "We've talked so much about your talents, Miss Armfeldt." " Would you like to see your room?" " It would be nice to freshen up a bit." "Speaking of automobiles..." "The road permitting, we hurtled along at 20 miles per hour!" "I have a plan." " Does it concern me?" " Very much so." " Are you prepared to be frank?" " Why not, we are enemies after all." " Would you care for a cigarette?" " Thank you, I only smoke cigars." "It comes about that enemies have mutual interests." "Should one then go on being enemies and disregard these mutual interests?" "Not two women." "Then let us make peace, for the time being." "Unfortunately my husband has no ring in his nose, to be tethered by." "True, he does have his free will, however that is constituted." "In addition there is his unyielding virility   which troubles him a great deal." "Yes, he's a slave to it." " No, I rather pity him." " Pity!" "They're playing croquet." "Who is the undisputed champion?" "Who is cock of the walk?" "Who is turning an innocent game into an insulting fight for prestige?" "This is your ball, Mr Egerman." "As you know, I am now entitled to knock your ball away." " That laughter means he is angry." " Angry and jealous." " Of you?" " Of you." "Why of me?" "Your manner of greeting Mr Egerman made him furious." "How indescribably ridiculous." " That is how ridiculous it is." " So, tell me about this plan of yours." "It's very simple:" "You get your husband back." " And I..." " And you?" "Can I really trust you?" "And you get Mr Egerman back." "Is that it?" "Men never know what's best for them." "We have to put them on the right track." " And your plan?" " First there's the seating for dinner..." "So, my dear Carl-Magnus, you consider all women seducible?" "Absolutely!" "Age, class, conditions or looks are of no consequence." " Even married women?" " Not least the married." "In that case, your main ally is not your own assets   but the married woman's marital ennui." " Bravo!" " What's your opinion, Mr Egerman?" " Can women never be the seducers?" " Men are always seduced." "Idiocy!" "I have never been seduced." "A man is always on the offensive." " Not Mr Egerman, apparently." " He's just out to impress." "Before you start your "offensive", the ground is already mined   and your enemy clear about your strategy." "Enemy, offensive, strategy, mined..." "Are you discussing love or warfare?" "Sensible adults often treat love   as if it were a military campaign or gymnastics." "We were brought into the world to love one another." "I believe I could seduce Mr Egerman in less than fifteen minutes." " We don't swallow it, my love." " But you do!" " Not at all." " Mrs Charlotte is right." " Shall we bet on it?" " Most amusing...!" " You don't dare?" " I do!" "My dear children and friends..." "According to the legend   this wine is pressed out of grapes   the juice of which gushes out like drops of blood on its pale skin." "Moreover, it is said that in each barrel that was filled with this wine was added a drop of milk from the breast of a young mother and a drop of seed from a young stallion." "This sap lends to the wine secret seductive powers." "Whoever drinks hereof   does so at his own risk   and on his own responsibility." "I drink to my love." "To my success." "Anne." " Take care." " You take care!" " What is this language?" " I won't tolerate anything." "Are you an emperor who rules over all our thoughts?" "You don't know what you're saying." "But you do?" "You, who are completely devoid of all normal decency." "When I bring you my sorrows, you reply with irony." " I'm ashamed to call you my father." " Shut up or leave!" "For once, it's my pleasure not to shut up." "It's my pleasure to crush this glass!" "Here's another glass." "Throw as many as you like." "You're an artist, aren't you plagued by lies and compromises, by your life?" "Why don't you try laughing at us?" "It's too painful to be comical!" "Henrik, calm yourself." "Calm yourself, Henrik." "Why are young people so dreadfully merciless?" "Who gave them the permission?" "Young people count on not growing as old as us." "I might as well be dead!" "The boy is entering the Church." "He's paid to create twitchings in our reluctant souls." "Are you going to hit me?" "By all means, do." "It'll be your loss." "Forgive me." "Please forgive me, everyone." "Henrik, you mustn't hurt yourself!" "Can I go to bed?" "Ladies and gentlemen, coffee is served in the Yellow Pavilion." "And we thought the first stage was the hardest." "But the most delicate one follows now." " What are you two whispering about?" " Let's have some coffee, my Count." " Are you crying?" " Me?" "No." "Shall we go?" "Or stay?" "Scream or laugh?" "Or make wry faces?" "Let me put some ointment on your wound." " Why did you do that?" " Was it unpleasant?" " To make your husband jealous." " He can't see us." " You're not much older than my wife." " Much more dangerous." " To yourself, maybe." " Myself, and others." "But I always give a warning." "I'm an honest little rattlesnake." "I'm warning you now." "Why am I so ugly, so mean, so stupid?" "The only right thing would be suicide." "Yes, that's it" " I shall die." "Away with quiet dignity." "Oh Lord!" "If your world is full of sin, I want to sin!" "Let the birds build a nest in my hair!" "Take my wretched virtue from me!" "I can't stand it any longer." "I must be dead after all..." "Oh, Henrik...!" "Anne." "I love you!" "I love you!" "I have loved you all along." "I have loved you all along." "Do you see, little one, the summer night is smiling." "So you're a poet too." "The summer night has three smiles." "This is the first one, from midnight to dawn   when young lovers open their hearts and loins." "Look there, on the horizon, is a smile so soft   you have to be very quiet and watchful to see it at all." "Young lovers..." "Did that move you, my little pet?" "Why have I never been a young lover?" "Can you tell me that?" "My dear little girl... console yourself." "There are only a few young lovers in the world." "You could almost count them." "Love has befallen them as a gift and a punishment." " And the rest of us?" " The rest of us...!" "What becomes of us?" "We invoke love, call it beg for it, cry for it, try to mimic it..." "We think that we own it, we lie about it..." " But we don't have it." " No, my sugar pie." "We are denied the love of loving." "We don't have the gift." " Nor the punishment." " Nor the punishment." "What?" "Yes, of course." "What is it?" "So tell me now!" "Bless me...!" "But, you must hurry up!" "Now follows the second smile of the summer night." "For the jesters... the fools..." "...and the incorrigible!" " Then she must be smiling at us." " Would you like a beer?" " Then she is smiling at us, I said!" "Correct!" "She's smiling at us!" "Do you want to marry me?" " An hour ago you said you wanted to!" " That was then!" "You will marry me!" " You're a strong little sugar pie!" " You will marry me!" "You will, you will, you will!" "Little Charlotte..." "I can't trust you after all." "No, something has to be done!" "Malcolm!" "Do you not have a shred of decency?" "What if my wife wakes up?" "What a scandal!" " Your wife is already awake." " Is she?" " The bed is empty, she's not here!" " Hurry up and find her!" " Your tone is making me nervous." " Charlotte is in the pavilion." " With whom?" " With Mr Egerman." "Turn round, Desiree, and hand me my trousers!" "What are you going to do?" "I'll make scrambled eggs of that damned lawyer!" "I have had enough of his faces and utterances!" " I'll show him the wasp's sting!" " Are you that jealous?" "One can dally with my mistress, but touch my wife and I turn into a tiger!" "Leave us, Charlotte." "Mr Egerman and I wish to be alone." "I request urgently that you remove yourself." " We are going to play roulette." " Roulette?" "Russian roulette." "As you would be irretrievably lost with weapons " " I have the honour of offering a duel which gives us exactly equal odds." "The revolver is loaded with a solitary bullet." "One closes one's eyes, spins the cylinder   points the gun at one's temple and pulls the trigger." "Each of us repeats the process twice." "That makes it twelve-to-two." " Are they still in the pavilion?" " They shouldn't be disturbed." "Why not?" " It's some kind of roulette." " Roulette!" "I shall spin the gun now." "Whoever the barrel points at begins." "To faithful wives." "To you, Count Malcolm." "An exquisite cognac." "It is said to have been imported by a close friend of old Mrs Armfeldt." "He was killed shortly afterwards in a duel." "The bullet was in the next chamber." " You impress me, Mr Egerman." " It's not courage, dear sir." "Your health!" "Anything wrong with the mechanism?" "Your wife is said to have eloped with your son?" " Is this true?" " It is." "Here's to youth, Mr Egerman." "I loaded it with soot, hang it!" "Would a nobleman risk his life for the sake of a shyster?" "You're despicable!" "You're all ridiculous - you, Desiree and all the others." " Faithless and on heat." " Carl-Magnus Malcolm!" " At your service?" " Turn round and look at me." " Well?" " You forget our wager." " What wager?" " At dinner." "Oh, the wager at dinner!" " I had to fend Mr Egerman off." " You enjoyed it." "Carl-Magnus Malcolm, look at me again." "I can never find peace, you know that." " Are you not as good as your word?" " Very well, what is your wish?" "Close your eyes." "What is your wish?" " You." " That is impossible." "Your word!" " I give up!" " Swear to be faithful for at least..." "I shall be faithful for at least seven eternities of pleasure eighteen false smiles and fifty-seven tender whisperings without meaning." "I shall remain faithful until the big yawn do us part." "In short, I shall remain faithful in my way." " Does it hurt?" " Yes, it hurts terribly." "Go away." "Do you recall your words?" ""You are the only person"   "to whom I can show myself, warts and all."" "What a sigh!" "But you are to be pitied, of course." "Greatly, greatly pitied..." "It's a veritable tragedy." "I don't know anyone who could be pitied more." "You are highly amusing." "You had a great fall, Fredrik Egerman." "Yes, a great fall." "But you will land softly." " Don't leave me!" " We will make no promises." "You're a terribly boring, normal person and I'm a great artist." "I have to lie down for a moment." "I'm all dizzy." " What are you doing?" " I'm putting your love in my pocket." " Just don't leave me on my own." " I'm right here." "That's good." "That is very good." "Yes... it's very good." "Can you tell me now - why did you call your son Fredrik?" "Isn't it a good name for a little boy?" " Do you promise to marry me?" " I promise!" " Just let go of my ears!" " Promise first!" "Yes, I promise!" " Swear by everything that's holy!" " I swear by my manhood!" "Then we can consider ourselves engaged." "Rest in peace, Frid." "He's in hell now...!" "Up you get, fatty, time to groom the horses." "There is no better life than this life!" "And the summer night smiled its third smile!" "Oh yes, my little sugar pie." "For the sad and dejected for the sleepless and lost souls for the frightened and the lonely." "But the fools will have a cup of coffee in the kitchen!"