"Lawrence, it's me." "I know you hate me right now." "I hate me, too." "But three days?" "Can we just talk?" "I'll do whatever it takes." "Just come home." "I'm sorry." "I miss you." "Please call me back." "I love you." "Yeah, Craig." "So, if you could get that started, that'd be great." "After that, Lawrence, start getting the project team looking at the public API documentation." "Yeah." "Actually, that's something I'm gonna show you by the end of the day." "You know, I was thinking we could replicate some of the things..." "Excuse me." "Lawrence, there's a delivery for you." "Excuse me, guys." "So, what Lawrence was saying, at the verification three-step process," "I was thinking that we could access the multiple accounts with a single..." " Hey." " What are you doing here?" "I thought you might need some things while you're staying at Chad's." "I brought you some toothpaste, some shaving cream, some panties." "I'm just kidding." "I didn't get you panties." "I was in a meeting, Issa." "I'm sorry." "I just needed to see you." "I..." "I made a mistake." "Yeah, you fucking did." "I..." "I still want us to work." "Lawrence, just..." "Just give me a chance to fix this and I will..." "I'm in this." "I..." "I love you." "I gotta go." "And stop fucking calling me." "I'm done." "I called the company, like, four times, and we still haven't gotten our deposit back on our chairs." "I'm starting to think we shouldn't have let people sit down." "I just finished up my donor thank-you calls." "How about you?" "Almost." "Well, don't forget to call yourself and say thank you." "I know I Will." "Kept waiting for you to get off." " Hello?" " Bitch, you still mad?" "Hello?" "Can you..." "Can you hear me?" "Yes, I heard you." "What do you want?" "I was just calling to say hi, and to thank you for your donation." "And I'm supposed to let you know that your gift is tax deductible." "I know." "I donated last year." "Is that all?" "You still going to Malibu this weekend?" "Of course." "I was always going." "I was on the fence, but, you know, it is Kelli's birthday trip." "You wanna go half on a birthday gift this year?" "I already got her a gift." "Okay, well, I guess I'll just get her a gift card from Macaroni Grill." "You know, she love to color on the placemats." "Gets hella excited." "Do whatever you want, Issa." "You always do." "Okay." "I guess I'll just..." "What was that?" "Yep!" "Gotta go." "All right, I gotta go." "Bye." "Okay." "Shut the fuck up!" "Holy shit!" "Are you kidding me with this shit?" "Here are the keys." "Wi-Fi password's on the fridge." "I already started heating the pool." "And there's firewood by the casita." "There's a casita?" " Yeah." " What is a casita?" "She doesn't have nice things." "I don't." " Have fun!" " Thank you." "Okay, ladies." "So, there's two bedrooms downstairs." "There's two upstairs." "I'm gonna take the room upstairs because I want the view, so..." "I'll take upstairs with you." "Okay." "You ever see someone scream themself awake?" "No." "I want y'all on your worst behavior, 'cause this weekend I'm bringing back, "We did say!"" "Oh, no." "Not "We did say."" " We are too old for that." " Oh, no." "You know the rules..." "No saying no." "I'm not spending another night in county." "It wasn't that bad!" "That's how Molly figured out she wanted to be a lawyer." " We did say." " Yo, I'm down." "Okay, as long as it's marriage-friendly, I'm down, too." "Okay, it's my birthday, Tiffany." "Fuck your marriage!" " And, Issa, get off the phone!" " Right?" "Get off Shade Room." "What's going on between y'all?" "Nothing." "I'm ready to have fun with my girls." "Yeah, me, too." "I am down for whatever." "Okay, Molly." "I want you to touch that waiter's ass." "We did say." "Coming right up." "I'm sorry." "Molly, did you just touch his dick?" "She said be on your worst behavior." "I'm on mine." "I love it!" "Turn my birthday into a lifestyle." "Okay, Issa, your turn." "Well, I didn't get you a gift, so I guess I'm down." "We did say." "Bitch, I just said I was down." "My bad." "I was reading your eyebrows." "They are very expressive." "Happy birthday to you" " What?" " Hey!" "Happy birthday, dear Kelli" "That's me!" "Happy birthday to..." "Shut up." "Y'all know I wished for dick." "Oh, man, I needed this." "Since I got engaged, all I do is look at flowers and taste test little cakes and shit." "It's like I'm really getting married." "Yo, you know what's crazy?" "Issa and I just looked at rings, too." "Fuck." "Shit's just fucked up, man." "I'm not saying I got shit together for her, but I got shit together for her, man." "So, what?" "You really done with the ole girl?" "Y'all got history, man." "If you was me, could you just be like," ""Hey, you fucked another nigga, but it's all right"?" "Hell the fuck no." "Shit, I almost punched a dude at Whole Foods the other day, 'cause he asked Leah if she wanted him to double bag it." "But you a different type of dude than me." "In what way?" "My heart pumps cold." "And you an "RB, singing all your feelings" type nigga." "That's cool." "That's you." "I like you for that." "Fuck that." "Yo, you know what?" "Fuck all this sad shit, man." "Hey, call Brandon and Mike, and let's go out tomorrow." "Let's go to a club, something." " Yeah?" " Yeah, man." " All right." " Hell, yeah." " Okay." " Oh, shit!" " This is my song!" " Girl, we did say!" " Yes, we did!" " Okay." "Get it, get it, get it." "Hey, how y'all doing?" " Hi!" " Yeah." "Are you Jill Scott?" "You look just like Jill Scott." "Oh, my God, you look just like Twilight, okay?" "Okay." "You Okay?" "I'm great." "So, what's Lawrence got planned for this weekend?" "He's chilling." "Well, I know he misses you." "Yeah." "Be right back." "Those college boys are really trying to get it." " Girl, they are not the only ones." " Okay!" "We did say!" "Are you getting any reception in here?" "Yes." "If Derek texts me one more time..." "I tell him I'm okay, but he still worries." "He's so extra." "Yeah, he is." "This song goes out to my girl, Kelli, on her birthday!" "Oh, shit!" "Hey, get it, Kelli!" "This is my jam." "Issa, come on, dance!" " Okay." " We did say!" "Thank you." "Okay, girl, you're missing your mouth." "Then they're gonna have to wipe it down." "Yes." "Molly, what are you doing?" "I'm rolling with Kelli." "What?" "Are you really about to go off with that baby of a man?" "Look, this isn't "We did say."" "You don't have to do this." "I know." "I want to." "You know, it's not like I'm trying to keep a nigga." "You know me." "So, should I play some music or something like that?" "I have, like, a week left on my trial subscription to Tidal, like..." "Shut the fuck up." "So, you and Molly really went in last night?" "Yeah, but my ass ended up face-down on my bed alone, drawers still on." "I mean, I bought that little boy hella drinks last night." "Men these days are hella trifling." "Just be thankful you have Lawrence." "Yeah." "What's wrong?" "Something going on with you and Lawrence?" "You know how I've been super down on Lawrence for a minute, right?" "Yeah." "Well, we..." "The other day, some shit went down..." "Girl, did he hit you?" "What?" "No." "Okay, I like Lawrence, but I will go ape on that nigga, okay?" " Does he have a car?" " Kelli." "I know he has a car." "You know what?" "I'm gonna fuck that up first." "He did not hit me." "Okay?" "We're just going through this, like, really rough patch..." "You're pregnant." "I knew it." "I bet Tiffany you would slip up." "And as much as I need that $100, I'm not trying..." "I'm not pregnant, okay?" "And you know what?" "I'm just..." "I'm tripping." "It's fine." "Don't even trip." "Then why you get me all upset for no..." "For no reason?" "I'm sorry for making this about me." "Yeah, make it about "it's my birthday."" "Yeah." "It'll be about you if you get hit or have a baby." "Do you..." "Do you listen to yourself?" "All the time." "I have a podcast." " Of course these heifers are late." " Who cares?" "They're probably at the crib passed out." "I mean, no shade, but just once, can they not be basic?" "Right?" "Issa always trying to judge somebody for how they live their life, but this bitch is too afraid to live her own." ""You're doing too much." Shut up!" "I mean, you know how your ratchet friends are." "Look who showed up." "Where's Kelli?" "She's resting." "She said she'll meet us at the hot tub later." "Next up is our 2013 zin." "Thank you." "I think I taste stone fruit." "And a little bit of pepper." "Yes!" "I tasted it, too!" "Look at us." "I taste wine." "Hey, this nigga stupid, though." "But you know what?" "I'm telling the truth!" "These new black bitches, man, they be on some bullshit." "Because half of them didn't have no daddy in the house." "They don't know what a real relationship's supposed to look like." "Hey, I tell Candace all the time," ""Hey, sometimes marriage sucks." "Deal with it."" "You know what it is?" "These women today, they wanna be the woman and the man in the relationship." "That's why their ass ain't never satisfied." "They some "never happy" bitches." "Issa was like that all the fucking time, man." "It was either some shit about work or some shit about me." "It was like, "Fuck!" "Just chill."" "Hey, they don't make black women like they used to." "Now my grandmama was a rider." "She ain't leave 'cause she wasn't happy." "Exactly!" "My granddad used to cheat on my grandma all the time." "Nigga had a second family and everything." "She stuck with him till the end." "Damn, her pussy fat." "Yeah." "I know I don't seem like it right now, but, my nigga, it's gonna be popping for you in the streets." " What you mean?" " Shit flipped back in niggas' favor now." "All the girls that were in their 20s, used to be all picky and shit, they in their 30s and 40s now and thirsty as fuck." "Man, come on." "Mike, show him the girl you were just fucking with." "Show him the bitch." "Damn!" " So, it's like that?" " Damn!" "Man, I tell a girl out the gate," ""You ain't suck dick on the first date, I ain't fucking with you."" "And they do!" "Hey" "I got you." "Come on." " Yeah, my man!" " Man!" " Yes!" " You better get it!" "My man..." " He ain't gonna do shit." " Probably not." "Ain't doing shit at all." "You're cute." "On, shit." "My bad." "You're one of those nice guys?" "Nah." " Nah?" " Nah." "Then show me." "What about him?" "He's cool." "I can have fun with that." "How much fun?" "That depends." "On what?" "On how much you want it." "$200 for head, $400 to fuck." "Tomorrow, we could just chill." "So, I was thinking we could leave after, like, a late brunch." "I know this really cute..." "Oh, my God!" "Bitch, we did say!" "Oh, my God." "Why you looking at me like you Stacey Dash and I just told you you black?" " God." " Whatever." "Marriage has made you boring." "Issa, it's your turn next." "We did say." "No, we didn't." "I'm good, thanks." "Whatever." "I'll take her go." "And can y'all make it good this time?" " Challenge a ho." " Okay." "I mean, we can't really top what you did with that guy last night." "Don't be mad 'cause I got game." "You know what?" "Give her something." " New Molly's got it." " Yes." "Yes, she does." "So, we just all gonna sit here and pretend new Molly ain't the same bitch that we've known for forever?" "I wasn't gonna say anything, but, like, how is new Molly different?" "I embrace who I am, okay?" "I do what I want and I do not give a fuck what anybody thinks." "Old boy from the club was cute, so I got with him." "But that's what you always do." "No, no, no." "Now she embraces it." "So, new Molly sabotages her life on purpose." "Okay, okay, okay" "So, new Molly chooses for niggas to walk up out of her life." " Got it." "Cool, cool, cool." " Cool." "'Kay, 'Kay, 'Kay." "Kelli, why are you always coming for somebody?" "Why you coming at me?" "Because you make everything a joke." "Like, you're 30 and you fucking act like you're 19." "And, bitch, why do you always miss your big-ass mouth?" "I don't know!" "Kelli, you are a mess." "No, you are, okay?" "'Cause you're always telling somebody what to do or reading everybody." "And meanwhile, your codependent ass can't even take a shit without asking your man first." "Well, at least I'm not up here pretending I have a man when I don't." "Yeah, I know that you and Lawrence broke up." " Wait, what?" " Why?" "Because she cheated on him." "Lawrence found out about you and Daniel?" "You fucked Daniel?" " I don't wanna talk about this." " That's who it was?" " Derek did not tell me that." " Shit, what happened?" "I said I don't wanna talk about it, okay?" "Is that why Lawrence hit you?" "Kelli, shut the fuck up." " I mean..." " Oh, shit!" "Damn." "Why the fuck would you say something like that?" "It's the facts." " Hey." " Hey." "It's so good to hear your voice." "I'm really glad you called." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "You?" "No, but..." "Do you need anything?" "I'm good." "Okay." " And Chad's good?" " Chad is fine." "Sleeping on his couch isn't, but, yeah." "Well..." "You know, I'm gone till Monday, so if you wanna stay at the apartment, you know, it's quiet." "All right." "Are you okay?" "You already asked me that." "Yeah, I'm sorry." "I miss you." "I miss you, too." "I don't know, maybe..." "Maybe we should talk when you get home." "Yeah." "Okay, let's do that." "All right." "Okay, bye." "Bye." "I wanna prank call Derek." "Give me your phone." " I wanna be you." " You can never be me." " I will try." " Whatever." " Guys, I need to go home." " What, now?" "Yeah." "Lawrence wants to talk and I need to see him." "It's 1:00 in the morning." "I'm too drunk to do anything." "You know what?" "It's fine." "I'll figure it out." "I'm not trying to get another DUI." "No, you do not need another one." "And another one and another one." " And another one!" " And another one!" "40 minutes?" "Fucking Uber." "Shit." "Come on." "We're almost there." "Yeah." "You know what you're gonna say when you see him?" "I don't know." "Practice on me." " I'm so sorry..." " Fuck you!" " What the fuck?" " Worst-case scenario, girl." "I'm just trying to keep you woke." "All right, try it again." "I'm really sorry for hurting you." "And I can't imagine my life without you." "You're my best friend and..." "You're my body goals." "You were right about me." "I'm a fucking mess." "I just..." "I don't wanna be who y'all think I am." "So, don't be." "How?" "You asking me?" "But I'ma be here while you figure it out." "So, can we be friends again or..." "Bitch, I am on the PCH at 2:00 in the morning." " Hello?" " Y'all really just took my car." "Give me the phone!" "Kelli!" "FYI, don't speed." "I got edibles under the seat." " This bitch." " Bye-bye." " I knew she was high the whole trip." " The whole fucking trip!" "You want an edible, though?" "Nigga!" "I seen this bitch at the market." "She's bad-ass, my nigga." "I'm tapping on her..." " What up, blood?" " Yeah." "What's racking, big man?" "Nigga, you know I smashed that, too." " What the hell, blood?" " Man, I'm strapped." "Text me when you get home." "Oh, baby, yes!"