"Idon'tthink anyoneisimmune totheeffectsofwar." "It doesn't matter what your upbringing is, howtoughyouare , howbadass ofa SEALyouare , you have to accept you're doing an inherently dangerous job, andpeopledie." "Warisviolence,right?" "Onceyou'veexperiencedthat, it never leaves you, it's always there." "War,it'sconfusion, it'schaotic, it'sdisgusting." "It's all the worst parts." "Tryingtounderstandthat," "I mean, people have been trying to understand that for-- for millennia." " Ramadi is 2006 - was the hotbed." "If you had a heat map of conflict going on in the world, you've got your hot fire red, that was Ramadi." "Ramadiwas,like,you know, takea dirtycity wheretheyhaveall  theabandonedbuildings and then throw some garbage on it, light it on fire, and that was Ramadi." "Itwasjustdirty, itwasbombedout ." "A lot of the infrastructure was damaged." "Itsmelledlike gunpowder mixed with..." "like rotting flesh." "Itwasavery hostileenvironment." "A very unforgiving environment." "Most of the insurgents in that area just had a run of the land." "There'sinsurgents runningaround torturingpeople, plantingIEDs, andnotjust attackingAmericans buttheirownpeople." "Team 5 was there to take out the trash, essentially, togetthosebad people outofthepicture." "Knowingthatit wasthe most dangerousplacein theworld, that'swhere weallwantedtogo." "It'ssomethingwe feedon." "You want to go to the fight." "Guyswantto employ theirtraining." "Andtheywanttomake  adifference." "WefightforAmerica, butyourbrothers themostimportantthing, the guys on the left and right of you." "Thosearetheguys thatreally,youknow, makewhyyou'reout there important." "My name's Mike Sauers, I was at SEAL Team 5." "And I was a point man." "Apointmanisa person thatwalksin thefront ofthepatrol figuringouttheroutes tothetarget." "Usually the first person that's gonna come in contact with any enemy that's gonna attack you from the front." "My name is Dave Hancock, I was a comms guy." "Youweretheguy  ontheradio gettingallof theinformation fromvarioussources." "And you're painting a picture to the people who can't see it." "Mynameis  MarkMatzeldelaflor." "I was on Team 5, I was a sniper and an assaulter." "There's definitely a lot of different personalities in a SEAL platoon." "AndI thinkthat's whatreallybrings aSEALplatoon towhatit is ." " There was this guy," " Rob Guzzo." "Assoon asRobcheckedin,  and he was gonna be a comms guy," "I mean, we just hit it off right off the bat." "Like,wewere justlaughingallthe time." "Rob is a guy where if you met him once, you would never forget." "Hewasawalkingholiday." "It'slikethefeelingyouget whenChristmasis around and there's like this warm warmness around and you're just happy." "Soitwaslike averypositiveenergy." "He'sjustgot,like, thishigh-pitchlaugh." "Like it goes something like that, like..." "And you would just start laughing." "Robwasatotaljokester, whichisawesome, butatthesametime , hewasserious." "You know, his parents were both military and he had this sense of pride." "Robasachild was always very active." "Andheliked tomakepeoplelaugh." "Hisfatherwasveryathletic, beinga NavySEAL, andsoRobgot  alotof hisnatural athleticability fromhisfather." "Hewasaround theSEALTeams and so he got to see it first hand and I'm sure that was planting that seed then." "When Rob was 9,10, Bob was a BUD/S instructor andwouldtake Robfrequently totheSEAL trainingcompound." "Sometimeswe'dgo  tothepool andI 'dgivehim alittlespininthewater  and, of course, he was all game for it." "Once I realized he was comfortable with it," "I said, "Well let's try tying your hands up."" "He goes, "All right, let's go for it."" "Then we did the hands and feet tied." "And he loved it." "Therewasnothing thathewasn'twilling todoor try andgiveit  ahundredpercent." "He'salwaysbeen theguy'sguy thateverybodywants tobetheirbuddy." "Hisyoungerbrother,Aaron, andthenhisothersiblings you know, they all just idolized Rob." "He was the big brother." "Afterhegraduated fromhighschool, heendedup going toStateUniversity ofNewYork in Cortland, New, York, which was where his father went." "Heplayedfootball likehisfather, and his father was in the Beta fraternity, which Rob joined there as well." "So it was kinda, as time went on, itreallylookedlike hewasfollowing hisdad'sfootsteps." "Whenhedecided tojointheNavy, itwason September11th." "Iwasstationed atthePentagon." "Iputin 27 years intheUnitedStatesNavy , and25of thoseyears weretoSEALteams." "Sofastforwardnow  tomegettingorderstoDC  asananti-terrorism officer." "We're sitting in our office that morning." "Youcouldliterallyfeel thebuildingshake." "Andtherewasnodoubt inourmindswhatwas goingon." "Bythetimewegotinthere,  itwasjust-- youcouldn'teven recognizeitas abuilding." "Itwasjusttotalchaos." "Icalledthefraternityhouse." "The first thing he said when he picked up the phone," ""Is my dad okay?"" "And I said, "He's fine."" "And he just, like, broke down in tears." "You could tell, he was moved by it." "He says, "I wanna do what you did."" " I was like, - "Rob, you've got a degree." "Youcango in  asa commissionedofficer."" "And he's like, "No, you know, I want to go in at the bottom." "I've seen how people respect you."" "'Cause I enlisted and then got a a commission half way through." "AndsoIsaid, youknow," ""Allright."" "You know, I was just so proud of him." "Withtheworldaffairs thewaytheyweremoving," "I knew Rob was going to certainly get deployed into a combat zone." "SowhenIheardthat Rob andhisplatoon wasgoingto Ramadi, Iobviouslywasconcerned." "Everyone knew Ramadi was extremely volatile." "It was very hotly contested." "It was controlled by the bad guys." "Therewasjust somuchcombat and so much death of American forces." "I remember thinking, "This just got real."" "I mean, this is-- this is not playing around." "Thereasonwe wereinRamadi wastobringabout a certain amount of order and control to a chaotic scene." "Itwasjustsuchaviolent environmentoverthere and, I mean, it was a very tough environment to fight in." "Imean,thebuildingswere  literallytouchingeachother." "There'sa lot ofchannelizedterrain." "You're constantly looking around 360 and 720, so you're constantly looking up." "Alleys,windows,doors." "Eachwindowis athreat wheresomeonecouldbehiding." "They could shoot from and gauge you from." "So you needed to have a lot of communications between the troops." "Move!" "Move!" "Dave's coming up!" "Dave's coming up." "You can ask guys, "Hey, what's the biggest weapon you carry?"" "You know, and guys'll be like, "50 cal sniper rifle." "Or machine gun."" "No." "It's your radio." "It'sthebiggestweapon youcarry." "Ifwe'rein afirefight, thatcommguyisyour voice." "The comms guy is the one that's going to bring in support, reinforcements." "The comms guy is basically the guy that's gonna save your butt." "Sothenit 'sup to you tobesure thatyouhavepositivecomms atalltimes." "On several occasions, I mean, you'd have to go outside on the roof and expose yourself, justtoactually getpositivecomms." "A lot of times, we would be on our back just kind of... just kind of like skedaddling along the roof like this, with an antennae up like this." "Like," Hey."" ""Hey, can you hear me now?"" "This is Red Bull six Romeo." "Be advised, troops in contact." "Davewasour headcommunicator fortheplatoon." "It'soneof thosejobs, it's not as sexy as being a sniper." "Youknow, whenyou'reakid ," "Idon'tthink anybodywantedto be  thelittlegreenarmyman that was holding the big radio." "But it's so important." "RedBullsixRomeo thisisSlaternine..." " I grew up in Syracuse," " New York." "Iwasathreesport athlete, soI playedfootball, Ididindoortrack," "Iplayedlacrosseatcollege ona scholarship." "I was on a team for 13 years." "I joined up in 2001, right after the attacks." "Just seeing the smoke from my mother's place just kind of did something to me." "Atthearmory, therewasflierseverywhere, asfaras theeye  couldsee, forfamilies, iftheyhadn'theard fromsomebody whoworkedon thetowers." "And I looked up and there was this older lady." "Shewasprobably60." "Shehadclimbedprobably about15to 18 feet upa powerpoll." "Becauseshehadaflier ofherson, whowasin TowerOne ." "But she refused to post that flier over anybody else's flyer." "Just out of respect, she did that." "Yeah, that-- that was probably a defining moment in my life." "Iwantedto do something, tohavean impact." "AndI didn't wanttowait." "Iwantedto be  thebestof thebest and I wanted to go fight." "Davehadaseriousside  because he would get so focused in, laser focused on what he was doing and making sure everything was super perfect." " Dave was kind of like" " Rob's mentor." "Robwasan assistant communicator." "And Dave definitely ran a tight ship." "A lot of times me and Rob would be up for, you know, four or five extra hours after a particular op, changing all of the radios because we were gonna be in a different battle space for the next operation." "We'ddocommchecks witheveryguy, witheverytruck, andwiththeactual battlespacecommanders." "Becauseitallboileddown  toonething." "Make comms." "Robdidn'ttake thatlightlyat all, thathewasresponsible forthesafety of all of his brothers." "IrememberseeingRob  inhiselement andreally,youknow, beinga masterof hiscraft." " What you got, Mikey?" " Nothing yet." "Clear, man." "We were doing an overwatch mission." "Therewasweapons beingmovedin aMosque." "Ourwholetaskunit thatwasoutthere set up in different positions to monitor this insurgent activity that was going on." "Dave, we got, like, a peek-in north of our position." "Copy." "Be advised OP 1 has a looker to the north." "Nocopy." "From building number?" "Buildingseven." "Okay, I've got looker, building seven." "Itwasaprettybig operation." "Ithinkwe had threeseparateelements justwithourSEALunit ." "And there were several other army units out there." "There was a marine unit." "Ready, fellas." "Mosque started putting out a call for blood, which is a call for people to come and fight." "Contact, contact!" "Comms, OP 1 has troops in contact." "Say again, troops in contact." "Andwejuststarted takingheavyfire." "I got 'em, I got 'em." "And hit the fan." "Like..." " What do we got?" " Hey, we got contact north." "Iwason aroofwith Rob,  tryingtodeconflict where the different elements were at." " What was the last location?" " Building 19." "And we had a map of the area." "Weweretrying tofigureout wherethefire wascomingfrom, what was their positions." "AskingRob allthesequestions." "I mean, it was just bang, bang, bang, bang." "Imean,we werejustdropping peopleleftandright." "Shootin' 'em, killin' 'em." "'Cause they kept coming out." "But they we wanted to get out of there before things turn really south." "SoRobwasincharge ofgettingallofhisguys outofthere." "OPs 1 and 2, move to extraction." "Youguysconverse, we'llholddownthe watch." "Copy all, copy all." "Break it down." "Break it down." "Let's go." "Break it down." "So we had elements in different buildings, so we were cross covering each other." "Robwascoordinating theextractvehicle." "Where the vehicle was gonna come in, what's going on in the battle field, whererounds arecomingfrom, wherebadguysare at,  who was gonna move when." "30seconds!" "That'sa lot ofcrapto balance." "Like,wehave, what,50guysout there?" "And there's rounds going every which way." "OPs 1 and 2, breakout is a go." "Go!" "Move forward!" "And so Rob's element, those were the last guys off the target." "Sotheywereoverwatching ourtwoelements asweweremoving toextract." "We're out, we're out." "Torches ahead, heads up." "OPs 1 and 2 have moved out." "All right, let's go." "I was in the same element as Rob." "Sowewere thelastonestoleave, tomoveto thetruck." "Go!" "Thiswholetime, Robison theradio." " Fire." "Pealing south." " Both of these are" "Whenhe'snot shootingrounds, he'slistening theentiretime." "Man, get over here!" "Come on!" " Left bank." " Move!" "Let's get outta here!" "Get down!" "Let's go!" "Come on." "So Rob was responsible for the safe extract and the safe operation of 50 plus guys at once, during a massive engagement." "And he did a phenomenal job." "All right, let's go." "Thatpointof thedeployment, thingswerestill real,realhot." "Weweredoingagreatjob ofmaintaining theinfrastructure andintegrity inRamadi." "Butwestillknew itwasaverydangerousplace ." "Youknow, oneofthegreatestthings, islike,youknow, justbeingin areally terriblesituation, youknow?" "You're just hunkered down on the ground, and you can just look over at the guy next to you and he looks at you and smiles and laughs." "Robwasknown fortryingto breakup the monotony on missions." "One of his classic moves was to tell a "knock knock" joke." "Like, we're actually hitting this building, right?" "And, like, we're clearing the building." "It's a very serious thing." "And the doors don't open, he looks back at me, and he's like, "Knock, knock."" "And I was like, "Wait-- now, here, now?" "Are you-- Like, really now?"" "He's like, "Knock, knock."" "I was like, "Who's there?" "What?" "Who?"" "And he's like, "Theodor."" "And I was like, "Yeah, okay." "Theodore who?"" "And he's like, "Theodore's locked."" "He said, "Hey, do you know what time you go to the dentist?"" "And I said, "Is this a joke?"" "And he says, "Yeah." And I said, "What time?"" "He says, "Tooth hurty."" "I said, "What?"" "He said, "Tooth hurty." "Get it?" "Tooth hurty."" "I said, "Yeah, Rob." "That's terrible."" "When a joke cracks off in the middle of something like that, it kind of makes you take a couple steps back in your mind." "AndsoIthink itactuallyhasanactual realbenefit beyond just being humorous." "Robandmyself wereinthesametent  inCampMarcLee ." "One of the Christmas packages that came for Rob had this little polar bear, and you pressed its hand anditwouldlightup anddoalittledance" "You know, like every time we'd come back, we'd go to that and just press it and watch it." "Press it again." "It became like a ritual." "Like every time you come back you just..." "Yo, relax." "Kick it one time, boy." "Andthenwe 'dsittherefor,  you know, five times just play that thing." "This stupid little polar bear that would just gave us such joy." "Itwaslikealittlepiece  fromtheoutsideworld inthis-- inthiswarzone." "Matz is-- he's very laid back." "Butwhenhe neededtobe, hewasaveryintenseguy." "Matz was a sniper, and a hell of a sniper too." "Hewaswired intohiscraft." " I grew up in" " New Hampshire." "Iwasan onlychild." "Growingup,I'djustalways be running around in the woods, like,climbingmountains, snowboard, andskate," "Ididalot  ofskateboarding." "Sneaking on to people's property, mischievous stuff." "The most military exposure I had in my family would have been from my uncle who is a marine, who I looked up to for sure." "AndsoIstartedresearching themilitary." "Youknow, Ifoundteamguys who blow up and go after people, you know." "So I thought that was pretty cool." "Soweweresitting ina building andwegotcompromised atsomepointintime ." "I remember hearing do do do do do." "Theylobbedacouple grenadesupon theroof." "Go, go, go!" "Wehadguysontheroof." "Theytumble downthestairs." "Like, "Holy." "That was close, you know."" "But then, like, somebody had to go up and get all the gear because, like there was still gear." "Like, there was guns and belts up there on the roof." "AndsoRobkindof headsitoutthe door." "Andthere'sliterallylike, theunexplodedgrenade." "All their old grenades are pretty nasty and trash." "All their fuse timers can just burn real slow." "Soyouneverreallyknow  whenit'sgonnagooff." "They can not go off for three, four minutes and then just..." "There's literally, like, a grenade." "It'sunexplodedordnance, it'ssittingrightthere, butitdoesn'thave aspoonon it ." "Alltheguns areontheotherside  oftheroof." "And Rob just..." "he just kinda like..." "Like, he looks over at me and smiles and he's like..." "And he kinda does a little dance." "And he kind just hops over it." "Like, just kinda giddy." "You know, he goes to that side of the roof, he grabs that stuff." "I cut over to the right, I grab the stuff over here." "And then he's just kinda laughing." "He looks back at me and he's just like..." "You know, just kinda playing around." "And I'm like, "Get inside," you know." ""What're you doin'?"" "He's like, "Well, that was interesting."" "So we just kinda finished up and went about our way." "He didn't hesitate." "He knew that we have to go over there and get that." "Andhechose themostperilousroute." "He chose the one that was gonna keep me safer." "So to me, that personifies" ""warrior."" "Imean,Rob'sthe most loyalguyyoucan get ." "No matter what, he's gonna support you, 'cause you're his bro." " When he went through BUD/S," " I was an instructor so it was really cool, to be able to think," ""Hey, I've just put this guy through training,"" "andtobe abletosee,  Robevolve intoa highlytrained warfighter, itwasareally rewardingprocess." "I grew up in a small town in central Pennsylvania called Port Allegany." "Grewuphuntingand fishing andplayedsports." "Theworstthing youcoulddo to me  asa kid ismakeme sitina chair forfiveminutes." "I think I was about 15 or 16, one of my older brother's friends told me he was in Navy SEALs training." "He's like, "We're like a wrestling team that carries machine guns and blows stuff up."" "So to me, I was like, "That sounds great."" "Iwasin theNavy for13years and I was a SEAL for 11 years of that." "I mean, Mikey had been on a lot of rotations before." "So he had been there and done that." "I had a good respect for him already when he came to our platoon." "He's a fun-loving type of guy, you know?" "In addition to just being a good pipe hitting team guy." "PresidentBushheard fromhistopmilitarybrass atthePentagon, Wednesday, whohaveurgedhim  toboostthenumber ofUStroops assignedtotrain theIraqisecurityforces." "Aboutmidway throughdeployment, ourmainfocus hadbegunto shift to support the Iraqi police." "ButI don'tthink itwasto thepoint where the Iraqi police and the Iraqi Army themselves wereableto holditdown  withouta USpresence." "While we deployed, Ramadi, it did get better." "But it was constant maintenance." "Sowewereconstantly being,like,pulledout  to go and assist on these particular missions." "And it happened all the time." "Like,therewasaschool andsomesuicidepsycho decidestogo blowhimselfup while school is in session." "Ittookout liketheequivalent ofa busload ofschoolchildren." "Idon'tcare howhardyouthinkyouare, like,thefirsttime youseeoneofthose kindofaftermaths..." "Youknow,likethe dust hasn'tevensettledyet ." "Thesmellof explosion" "I mean, it's still rampant in the air." "Itkindof resetsyour..." "Iwouldsay yourlevelof what's justutterly disgustingintheworld, youknow." "Youknow, guyslikeRoband Dave hadtoreport onwhat'sgoingon." "Asa communicator, youhaveto getveryintimate, you know, with the environment around you." "So,like,youhavetosay," ""Well,sofar we'veidentified thatthereis  atleast11 children." "Andhowdo youidentify, like,11children, from like a mass suicide bombing?" "Well, you identify them by body parts with like different pieces of clothing on." "Imean,beingacommsguy inthatparticularsituation, thingswouldbe  alittlebitclosertoyou becauseyouwere havingtohearit." "Andthenyou'rehaving to,like,talkaboutit." "That kind of puts it on-- on a different level." "IrememberRobhaving togoon afew ofthose." "And he was visibly just like, "What the-- like, what?" "Excuse my-- like, what?"" "And I think," "I'll speak for myself, like, you never really understand, like, you never really come to come to grips with that answer." "You know, it starts-- it starts weighing on you." "Theenemyin Ramadi wasprettyintousingkids ." "WhatI thought wasjustdisgusting was the use of kids for the intent." "Theyknowthatpeople havesoftspotsfor kids, andthey'dexploitthat." "They'd try to leverage them to carry things for them, to move weapons or explosives or even to set up attacks." "Such a war-torn country." "And, you know, most of these kids-- it's like, you know, they don't really have long-term goals." "It's really hard to understand, asanAmerican." "Theygrowup  ina war-zone." "Like, war has been their life." "Sowewereona target, like, right in the middle of the city." "Watch that front, watch that front!" "We got attacked on three different sides." "Folksarecomingyourway,  Jack,they'recomingyourway." "Guzzowason  thesecondstorywindow." "Moving in the alley." "Well,oneof theguys attackingwasakid ." "Hewaslike a10-year-oldkid, eight, ten-year-old kid." "Buthewasdressedup, hewasdressedup like a full blown 25 year old attacker." "You know, he had his check rack." "Hedidn'tevenhave hisAKon him." "Buthewent topickit up ." "IknowRob didn'twantto  but,I mean,he had tomakeadecision." ""DoI dothis?" "'Causehe'sgoing topickit up ." "DoI notdo this?" "DoI dothis?"" "Robhadto make adecision." "Youknow,severalofus havebeen in that same situation." "You know, like, you wait until the last possible second." "Youknow..." "Toprotecthimself andhisbrothers, youknow, hedidwhathehadtodo." "In the SEAL teams, we try to inoculate you to any situation possible." "But the real thing is always the real thing." "I couldn't imagine that there was anybody out there who wanted to shoot an eight-year-old kid." "But when that kid's pulling a trigger and rounds are flying towards you and everybody around you, that kid is a significant threat." "Havingwomen andchildrenbe part ofthatenemy combatantgroup," "I don't think you can prepare yourself for that." "Aftersixmonths'time and you've been stuff every day, it gets to that "over it" type of feeling." "It'skindof like you'rerevvingan engine fulltilt." "The engine starts letting you know that you need to cool it down for a bit." "Everybodywasthere foronegoal, tocomehomefeeling likewehadchangedsomething forthebetter." "When we left, things had become dramatically less violent." "Attheend ofdeployment," "Iwouldsee likekidsandwomen wouldbeoutside inthestreets." "SoI thinkwe tookthat asa signof success." "Wecameback fromRamadi, itwaskindof achangingpoint inthewar." "Itwassuch violentfighting." "Theybroughtin afew doctors andpsychiatrists." "Basically,said, "Hey,ifanybody needstotalk..."" "It was more of a volunteer thing, though." "I'm not sure if anybody took them up on that offer," "I know I didn't." "It was just kind of like, "SEALs don't get PTSD."" "But,youknow,goingthrough adeploymentlikethat, it doesn't really matter how much experience you have under your belt," "I think it changes everyone, a little bit at least." "WhenRobcamehome fromRamadi, hiseyeswerejustdark  and it was like looking into abyss." "He just wasn't the same person." "Warisaconstantthing." "Soyourchemicals inyourbrain, youradrenaline, it'sup,it 'selevated." "Andwhenyoucomeback , it'salmostlikeadullness, right?" "'Causeyou'renot experiencingthings atthoselevels." "So things can kind of just seem just "blah," you know?" "Like just drab." "Rob,inhisattempt toadjust, juststarteddrinkingalot,  neversleeping." "Well,I think whenhedidsleep hehadthenightmares." "And I remember one time, he's laying there sleeping, and his legs are running, and his trigger finger is doing this." "Foryears, hewouldeithercallme orhisfather inthemiddle ofthenight andhewould justwantto talk." "Hewouldcry." "A lot of times he would be intoxicated." "And that just became our routine." "If you don't get any sleep, like, your... you really can't heal, like, mentally." "It just gets worse and worse, it just tumbles, you know." "Then you're drinking to go to sleep." "And then that turns into like four or five drinks a night just to go to sleep." "And before you know it, like..." "Yeah, now you're pounding bottles to get-- you know-- it's-- yeah." "WhenRobstartedhaving theseproblems, weknewwe had toget somekindof treatment forhim." "Butheinsisted hedidnotwanttodo it  throughtheNavy chainofcommand." "That if he did, it would impact his ability to continue being a SEAL, which, whether it was true or not, if it was in his mind and he believed it, then that's where the truth is." "Robeventuallysaw apsychiatrist andhewasdiagnosed with a variety of different things including PTSD, anxiety." "PTSD, it's like a silent disease." "Justaffects peopledifferently." "Weallhavethis, like,blackcloud." "I've seen it in myself." "It's just like this mental state." "There's sunshine behind the cloud too, that you can get to, but sometimes that cloud just consumes the sun." "It's a mix, I think it's a mix of what you've experienced in your past and what's going on currently, and then also when you start thinking about into the future." "Robwentthrough theciviliantreatment." "And then also got into the military treatment." "But he was still having these little setbacks." "Butthoseissues startedtobecome farther andfartherapart." "Afterhegotout  oftheNavy, hestartedworking towardsa master'sdegree inkinesiology." "Hewasdoingwell andenjoyingit ." "Andhewasinformed thathewasafather." "Heeagerlyacceptedit." "It was very encouraging, very loving to see that." "And again, it was kind of a shadow overthefact thattherewasstill thatissue thatwasunresolved." "That day, Rob had just got back from the bar, maybe, like, you know, 2:00, around 2:00 AM." "So I woke up and came out and I was, like, foggy headed, drowsy." "Him and a couple buddies-- you know he's talking to the marine buddies there about combat and stuff." "Um, so eventually, I went back to sleep." "And the next thing I know," "I get-- one of the marine dudes busts in my room." ""Mark, I need your help!" "I need your" "I need you to come out here right now."" "I come out of the bedroom and I see" "I see Rob, you know, sitting in a chair." "Thefirstthought inmyheadis,  he's doing a prank on me right now." "And like, there's-- it doesn't make sense." "There's no way this is real." "I, like, nudge him, say, "Get up."" "That's when I notice the reality of the situation." "Igotatext." "Text just said, "Hey, do you know Rob Guzzo?"" "I was like, "Yeah." "Yeah, I know Rob." "What's up?"" "And... the person texted back and said," ""He lives in my building." "I think he just committed suicide."" "At first I was in disbelief." "We'd just texted back and forth two days before that." "We were talking about football." "It just took me by-- I was so surprised." "Matz called me that morning." "I'll never forget." "I'll never-- It'll never be out of my head." "It'll be there for the rest of my life." "It struck me into the heart." "Like I've never felt before." "Matzcalledme ." "He said, "Rob's dead." "Shot himself."" "I was just like..." ""What?"" "Couldn't put it together." "Couldn't wrap around-- couldn't wrap my head around it." "We went to the funeral home and I told the funeral director," "I said, "You know, I have to see him."" "Because he had put the gun in his mouth, you know, it was, it was-- the exit wound was you know..." "On the other side and he just looked so-- he was so beautiful." "And I just went up to him and just was stroking his hair and, you know I kissed him on his cheek, and I just said," ""Honey, it's okay." "You know, it's okay."" "Imean,it 'sone ofthosethings whereyou alwayslookback andyoualwaysthink, like,youknow, if there's more you could have done." "You can kind of do the "what-ifs"" "all the way back." "But at the end of the day, there is some perfect storm type of situation that happened where you unfortunately, you don't have-- once you make the decision, there's no way to undo it." "It'sa very permanentdecision." "Yeah,butIdon 'tthink youcanblameyourself." "Youknow,like, youcouldwishthat..." "Man,I wishI- - IwishIhad pickedup onsomesubtlechange." "Or..." "I mean, I wish I had, for sure." "Absolutely." "'Cause I miss him, but..." "Yeah, I don't know." "If he was here, I would just tell him," ""We're very sad." "Too soon."" "I would just say, "I miss you, brother." "I miss you, brother." "I miss you and I love you." "And I'll see you on the other side."" "I miss his presence, you know." "His-- his "The Holiday," basically, right." "I miss that." "And I'd just tell him I love him." "And to think-- what?" "Damn it." "You know, his dad and I had 60 years almost of Navy service." "And we frickin' could not save our son." "Butthere-- youknow,thereishope ." "AndI thinkthings aregettingbetter." "I think, the PTSD and the traumatic brain injury, the "invisible wounds,"" "are starting to be more and more accepted." "There'ssomanyveterans thatarestruggling, andsomy goal istohelpotherveterans." "Ivolunteernow withtheorganization," ""America's MightyWarriors."" "Wepay forthetreatments thatarecurrently notavailableat theVA." "The biggest one right now that's getting a lot of attention and showing a lot of promise is a hyperbaric oxygen therapy treatment." "Theearlieryouget  treatmentforPTS isthemorelikely thatyou'llbe able to manage it and rebound and have a successful, productive life." "Anyveteransoutthere thatthink they may be suffering from PTSD, get help." "And if this gets out to just that one person who's struggling and hears what we're talking about and says, "Well, wait a minute."" "There is some hope there." "AndI reallyhope somebodywatchesthis andcanbe like," ""He was a all-star, and he was hurting."" "And so they can say, "Well, that's" "It's okay that I'm hurting."" "Soyougottakindof keepyourself incheck." "Beawarethatyou 're noinvincible, nomatter howbadassyouare ." "There's no one that's invincible, everyone's mortal." "Enjoy life while you have it."