"All right!" "I'm gonna go drain a snake." "Wally?" "Watch my beer." "Why, you gonna have use the woods, man, because the toilet's broken!" "Bull shit!" "Howdy buddy?" "Hello!" "Hello there!" "Hello?" "Shut up!" "God damn it!" "Son of a bitch!" "Faraday?" " Yeah?" " We're going out on a call." "Why am I going out on a call?" "Einhron said to take you." "Said the call was a little... weird!" "So now I'm the weird call guy, huh?" "Yeah, cause you know you've been so busy, he figured..." "Alright, alright." "Alright." "Alright, alright, I'm coming." "Okay." "What's so weird about this?" " Possible dead body?" " Possible?" "Yeah, possible." "Well, is there a dead guy or isn't there a dead guy?" " Caller said he didn't know what it was." " Hooo..." "Spooky." "And why couldn't another uniform do this?" "It's out of our county." "Our patrols don't usually go that far" " unless we get a call." " And we got a call." " We got a call..." " Yeah, and we're the weird call guy, huh!" "I'm Detective Faraday." "This is the Officer Reed." "I'm glad you came." " We've been waiting all morning." " Right..." "Where is it?" "Where is what?" " The Thing!" " Sure..." "Come on." "Someone kicked the door in or some kind of device." " Maybe a car crash." " No, I don't think so." "Looks like somebody broke the door from the inside and then picked it up and tried to put it back on, you know?" "What the hell could do that?" " I don't know." " Look." "The door ain't the problem." "The problem's inside." "Here!" "Look for yourself." "I'll go around!" "Come on." "Fine." "Oh Jesus!" "Now tell me honestly buddy, what the fuck is that?" "I was thinking at first it maybe a dead animal, but... but now I..." "What are you doing?" " What do you think?" " I don't know." " Has anyone touched this or anything?" " No, no, no..." " I made sure nobody fooled with it!" " Right." "Holy shit!" "I think that was about 11:40 that he left with her and..." " he looked out of it." " Define "out of it"." "Drunk..." "He looked drunk." "What more can you tell me about this woman?" "Well, let me think..." " Indian, I think." " Indian?" "You know..." "American Indian like..." "Native American." "Right, I got it." "Go ahead." "Long black hair." "She had... sharp features." "Like she was perfectly carved." "Like someone really took time making her." " Can I get her height?" " Well, she's maybe... 5 foot 5, maybe 6  and" "She was just... real sexy, you know?" "One of those where you look at it and all you could think was "Man I got to hit that!"" " I got to hit it!" " Pardon me, hit that?" "Fuck her!" " Oh!" " Yeah." "She had these eyes like a..." "Well, maybe they were contacts, but... maybe like yellow eyes, you know?" " Okay, so." "What?" "Light brown?" " No, man!" "Yellow." "Like a..." "like a deer caught in the headlights of your car." "Right!" " Who's in charge of the scene?" " That'll be me!" "Great!" "Well ..." "I hope you didn't manage to lose the body or something." "Nope." "Everything's copacetic." " Copacetic!" " Yeah, everything's cool." "Whatever." " Just give me your notes." " I thought Einhron was giving me this one." "In your dreams, Dwight." "This one's on me." "You see, I'd say this falls under the violent crimes category not insurance fraud or incest, or whatever bullshit they got you up to these days." " Animal attacks." " Right, sure." "Animal attacks..." "So tell me." "Does this look like an animal attack to you?" "Actually they are telling me they saw some deer over by the truck." "Right, right." "So a deer rips this guys truck door off, beats him with a sledgehammer till it looks like surrealist art and then what?" "Retires to his chateau in the woods to plan his next attack?" "I didn't ask for this, Carl." "Whatever." "I came in begging for a reason to get out of the station." "Detective Patterson will be taking over from me." "Have a nice day." " I just got a call from the central..." " I know!" "I know!" "We're off the case." "Yeah!" "They want me back patrolling Greenwood and you on an animal attack." "What is it?" "Some old man's pet monkey bit some old lady's dog!" "Now there's a royal rumble going down." "They want you back at the station." "Wonderful." "Of course that was before we moved to Seattle, and I'd never seen anyone own a monkey there!" "I didn't even think owning a monkey was legal, in fact!" "I think you'd better check that out." "Yes, ma'am!" "Did you make a note of that?" "If owning a monkey is illegal?" "Yes, ma'am." "I made a note to check it out." "Yes, I did." "Of course he's always a vicious little thing!" "In fact he nearly killed my neighbor's cat." "He just picked it up and twirled it around and around and round and hit that wall..." "That poor cat..." "I can't have 5 husbands looking after this." "Excuse me?" " Excuse me!" " It started at the groin!" "What did you just say?" "The trampling!" "It was a trampling." "It started at the groin and worked its way up and then back down the body, maybe 15... 16 times!" "That's why it didn't look like a body at first!" "The torso was shattered and caved inwards." "What?" "It's nice talking to you, ma'am." "I'm sorry for your loss." "Did the morgue get in that body from Red County yet?" "Yes, sir." "It's already on the table." "The family has requested it but, we just gonna keep it for a little longer." " See if we can dredge something up." " What name is it under?" "The guy's name was Moltoy..." "Yeah!" "Henry Moltoy." "Sign me in so I can take a look at it, will you?" "They actually in the middle of checking it out right now." "Who is the..." "Dana!" "Great." "Hey, Dana." "Dana?" "Dana?" "Dana?" "Christ..." "I thought they stop letting you wear your... face thing." "Yeah, but no one else would take this guy, so I figured... fuck 'em right?" "What do you mean, no one else would take him?" "Just that." "No one would stop look and look at it for more than a couple of seconds." "Aren't you people trained to handle this kind of stuff?" "Yeah." "That's what I said." "I should probably get that." "Do you have the cause of death, yet?" "Well, massive blunt force trauma would be sort of an obvious guess." "This guy got levelled." "Well, it looks like a truck ran over him," " then backed over him and ran over him..." " I get it." " But it wasn't a truck." " No." "Have any clue what it was?" "Not the slightest, *** got one thing for sure, so far." "What's that?" "He died with a..." "He died in a state of arousal." "How can you tell that?" "You see this?" "That was his penis." "You see these lines here?" "These are stress fractures." "You wouldn't see those if he was flaccid." "Something snapped his penis." " What do you mean "snapped"?" " I mean "snapped"." " Kill that kind of thought." " Here's Patterson's case?" "Yes, but I was first on the scene." "And I have a... an interest." " So you're off homicides?" " I am." "But there's a chance this is an animal attack." "Really?" "Yeah look!" " What are you looking at?" " Now... just look." " Hoof prints!" " Hoof prints!" "I couldn't get a flight out until tomorrow morning so..." "I'll have an early dinner and call it a night." "What?" "Well, right now I'm having a scotch to celebrate the deal." "Good." "Alright." "Okay, I'll see you in the office on Thursday." "Fine." "Goodbye." "Hi!" "Can I buy you a drink?" "I bet I know what you want." "A "Cosmopolitan"." "Am I right?" "Bartender?" "A "Cosmopolitan" for the lady." "I'm only here for one night." "Can you recommend a good restaurant for dinner?" "Thank you, my good man." "Cheers!" "So... are you... here all by yourself?" "Well this is... my lucky day." "Would you care to join me for dinner?" "I can't believe how well this day is going." "You want to go?" "Are you hungry..." "Should we call room service?" "You don't fool around, do you?" "This is definitely my lucky day!" "So this man lures a woman into the truck." "He tries to have sex with her." "She gets mad and leaves..." "Then a deer comes and stomps the man to death." "Okay." "Problems." "One:" "There's not a deer in the world that could do that kind of damage." "Two:" "There's something kicked the door out from the inside." "And three:" "What happened to the girl?" " She went home?" " How did she get home?" "She disappeared..." "And where did the deer come from?" "Maybe the girl went cold she and he had a deer hand as a replacement!" "It would be a lot easier to think of this objectively if it wasn't so damn stupid." "Maybe it was something else." "You know, I mean other animals have hooves." "No." "Trust me." "Those are deer hooves." "Maybe the girl beat him to death with a deer leg." "What's wrong?" "This is one of those sentences that you never expect to hear." "Well, I was just saying here." "Okay, look it's 1 am." "We've been at this for hours, and the best we had was murder by taxidermy." "Okay." "I'm..." "I should be home in bed." " And I should be out partying!" " Right." " Thanks for your time, Dana." " Not a problem." "So..." " Are you going to ask to be reassigned or...?" " No." "No, it's just a hunch." "No, tomorrow's back to dog bites and lost cats." "Ah, it's right here." "You see this little lady right here?" "After you." "Stupid!" "Did you hear something?" "No!" "No, wait." "I definitely heard something." "No, you didn't." "Come on." "Let's get in the truck." "There you go." "Here it is again." "It's over there." "Retarded..." "Come here." "Wait!" "Did you hear something?" "No..." " Go..." " Okay." " Hey." " What?" "I didn't leave the door unlock." "Fuck!" "Can I help you?" " Yo Dwight?" " Yeah... yes..." "What?" "What is it?" "I just thought you should know they found another one of those things." "Pardon me, what things?" "Another one of those "hamburger" things, you know?" "Trampled to death." "They just brought in the body this morning." "I only know because Patterson was having a hissy fit about you playing with his corpse." " Hey, I didn't play with it." " Hey, whatever, man." "Tell me honestly." "Why aren't you ever doing anything?" " Excuse me?" " I've been here for five months." "Up until yesterday, I talked to you twice." "But I see you every day." "You're always sitting right there and your eyes always right about  there." "What's your point, Reed?" "Well, I've never heard of a detective that was assigned exclusively to animal attacks." " What happened?" " A lot happened." " May we delve?" " No." "Oh man, you're no fun..." " Is that your wife?" " We are separated, actually." " Shit!" "I'm sorry." " Don't worry about it, man." " What are you doing right now?" " Me...?" "Bothering you, I guess." "I was supposed to go down to the firing range but..." "I don't have much to do..." "You want go down to the morgue and take a look at the new cadaver?" "That's not the sort of stuff I do for fun." "Christ!" "Start working the highway, Reed!" "It will toughen you up a little bit to stuff like this." "Same MO..." "Basically massive blunt force trauma, died in a state of arousal, you know the deal..." "But then..." "I found this." "Under his fingernails." " That can't be human hair!" " Yeah!" "It's deer hair!" "Deer hair!" "Yeah, looks like it got pulled out during a struggle." "Hmm." "Hmm?" "Someone gets sliced and diced in a struggle with a deer in a hotel room, and your response is "hmm"?" " He was in a hotel?" " That's what it said in the file." "So we must have witnesses saying they saw him there right?" " Yeah, with a girl." " You have a description?" "We have three..." " Dark skin, long dark hair?" " You got it." "Well, that's about all they have in common," "We got 3 different heights, 3 different weights, although they all agree she was gorgeous." "Hey, I'm starting to see what you say about those hooves." "Some big animal did a tap dance on this guy." "Is there any way we can tell how big the deer was?" "Alright, so we're definitely calling the perp a deer now?" "A deer or a..." "deer type animal." "Well, what about the woman?" "I don't know about the woman yet." "I'm still thinking about the woman." "There's no real way to call the size, at least as I know of..." "But the hairs were short, which probably mean she was either young or small." "Oh no, no." "There's no way anything under 300 lbs did this to him!" "I mean..." "This was a big guy." " You know it's not like he was..." " Maybe it's strong." "Really strong." "It kicked the door clean off that 18 wheeler." "So wait!" "The girl smuggles a deer in the room under her coat..." "Stop with the girl." "We're not thinking about the girl yet." " We're still on the weapon." " Weapon?" "Man, I thought we agreed on an animal attack?" "Yeah... buddy." "We got another one of those messy ones, Dana." " Hello, Faraday." " So soon?" "It's just in." "I brought it into Room 1, but they said you were handling this." "Great." "Don't feel bad." "I'm still the weird calls guy." "What?" "So, you're not going to say hello to me?" "I said "Hello"!" "You should say "Hello" back.." "I don't even know your name." "I'm Bill!" "And you still should have said "Hello"!" " But I didn't know..." " When did this one arrive?" "About 15 minutes ago." "Now there are still officers on the scene but Patterson, had the coroner take the body away because there was a crowd there..." "Still having trouble finding one of his arms." "That's creepy!" "You're driving." "What the fuck!" "At least we found the arm." "Oh boys?" "Fuches?" "What's up?" "What are you doing here?" "This is me and Patterson's case." " Calm down." "We're just checking it out." " No you're not!" "Go on, get out of here." "Where did they find the body?" "I'm not telling you." "Find your own way around." "Dwight!" "On the roof." "Whoo, first names!" "Faraday?" "What the hell are you doing here?" " I'm just looking around." " We just one of them crime scene, a crime scene these days." " Hey, calm down, man." " Calm down?" "He just ambles in here, I'm suppose to calm..." "Come to think of it, who the hell are you?" " Excuse me..." " I'm Officer Reed." "Reed?" "Didn't I seen your name on street beat?" "What are you doing loitering around my..." "Detective Faraday has just as much of a right to be here as you." "He had the first one of these..." " These things!" " Murders!" "Have you seen the bodies?" "You think a human did that?" "Or would you prefer me to ..." "Faraday, what the fuck are you doing?" "Get off my roof!" " Good night ladies!" "Drive safely!" " Shut up Fuches!" "I can drop you off before I turn the car in." "No, no thanks." "I live about a mile from here, you know." "I'll walk." " You sure." " Yeah, it'll do me good to clear my head." "Okay." "Get some sleep." "You too." "Now, now I'm... definitely losing it." "Give me your wallet, asshole, or I will cut you!" "Okay!" "Okay, okay..." "You motherfucker!" "You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack." " Listen." "Don't shoot me." " Don't shoot you?" "Don't you know better than to mug a policeman?" "You don't look like a cop." "You know, I was going to call backup and have you booked, but you know what?" "What?" " You fucking stabbed me!" " Don't pull it out!" "There's a hospital about 4 blocks from here." "Have the doctors remove it." "When that arm heals up, get a job and stay off the goddamn street." "What the fuck was that!" "All I'm saying is that we cannot rule out an animal attack." "Weren't you just saying that this was a sexual assault homicide?" "Yes, well that's true too." "Maybe some sort of an animal sexual assault." "Oh boy!" "Here we go..." "I think your private fantasy life is beginning to interfere with your work, Faraday!" "Shut up, Fuches!" "Look, I'm being serious." "Dana down at forensics says the blows are hoof shape." "Oh, right." "Dana..." "That pillar of sanity!" "The blows are circular, the hooves are oval..." " And I don't think that..." " Shut up, Fuches!" "The murder weapon is hoof shaped." "I'll give you that one." "But the blows hit these guys with a tremendous amount of force behind them." "For an animal of that size and strength to be hiding in a major metropolitan area for any extended amount of time is frankly impossible." "It is possible!" "It's very possible!" "This could be an unknown animal." "Some kind of a mutant hoofed quadruped." "Oh great!" "We got killer moose man roaming the streets." " A new animal!" "A new kind of animal." "One that we haven't seen before." " Alright." " That's enough." " In London in 1981, a series of brutal animal attacks were directly linked to a freak wolf" " that was gunned down in Piccadilly Circus." " I'm familiar with the case." "Then what makes this so different?" "Because this is not 1981." "This is not London." "These men weren't bitten, or clawed or even scratched." "They were pounded into fucking mince meat!" "Then how do you explain the bloody hoof prints that were found at the scene?" "I don't know." "They were way too far apart for anything that I know with hoofs to have made them." "My bet is, they're from the perp dragging the weapon on the ground." "That is ridiculous." "The distance between the hoof print, suggests an animal that was moving on two legs." "A biped that was leaping or... jumping like a deer." "And I can't believe you're taking this dragged weapon theory seriously, come on." "As opposed to your Minotaur theory?" "Minotaur!" "That's funny." "Look chief." "All I'm asking is the next time it happens, let me be first on the scene." " Are you calling Dips?" " Yeah, I'm calling Dips." "What makes you sure there'll be a next time?" "Two days, 3 bodies." "I seriously doubt that the killer this brutal is gonna stop without having being caught." "Oh... and you're the one to catch him, right?" " Christ!" "Can you have your push-up?" " Or shave?" "Shut up, Fuches!" "Right." "Because I remember you being a half decent detective at one time, you've got it." " Come on!" "This is a bullshit!" " You're shit!" "Faraday, please watch your back!" "That's enough." "It's Faraday's case." "Yes, sir..." "I can't hear you." "Yes, sir." "Now..." "Do either of you know anything about this guy who claims he was attacked by a cop with a knife?" "Dana has the results from the autopsy of the body on the roof." "Guess what she found." " What?" " Guess." " How the hell am I supposed to guess?" " Deer DNA." "Deer DNA?" "Deer DNA." " What does that mean?" " You're Sherlock, man." "I'm just Watson!" "It's pretty quiet around here." "You want to catch some lunch?" "The new Indian Casino feeds officers free." "You mean the new Native American Casino, right?" "They make enough money off the slots to feed a couple of brothers in blue, right?" "Let's go." "Howdy and welcome to River Rock Casino." "I'm Steve, your official greeter here in River Rock." "Say, did you hear the one about the Indian brave who went to a psychiatrist?" "He said:" "Doctor, I don't know if I'm a wigwam or a teepee." "The psychiatrist replied:" "My son, you're Two Tense!" "Say, why not try our steak and lobster buffet?" "Or dance your troubles away to music, mirth and magic tones." "Now performing 3 shows nightly in the River Rock spectacular Pow-Wow Room." "Please." "Thank you." "Okay." "Here's the story." "Back when I was still in homicide, I was partnered with a guy named Ted Niman." "A sweet guy... smart, you know." "He's really going places." "He started criminal justice classes because he wanted to be a crime fiction writer." "Just sort of fall in love with it." "Anyway we were following up lead on this murder gang." "And it's no big deal..." "You know it's just a little drug deal thing... you know." "Anyway, we found an address on this guy named Dykon Barlow." "When we got there, we..." "We should have radioed for backup, but we didn't." "Ted went round the back, I went on the front and..." "Trouble started right away and it was crazy." "Crack got is running every which way." "And of course, one of them decides he's not afraid of the cops, right." "So he runs on me with a pistol." "A little white guy, bright red hair, you know?" "Must have been about 95 pounds..." "And I don't have my gun out." "Like, so I'm basically... running away a couple of seconds so I can pull the Glock and by then he chased me into this narrow hallway and I just..." "I turned and I fired my gun three times." "One shot missed, the other two hit him here and... here." "I'm still rushing off the adrenaline, and was scared to death of some junky's gonna jump out at me out of nowhere and then" "I..." "I saw Ted." "My partner, Ted." "He was lying on the floor and back of the junky." "Bullets went through the guy and they... both hit Ted." "So there was this big investigation, you know, and..." "For a while, a few people said that I planned it, right." "That I meant to shoot Ted." "You know, eventually the whole thing was dismissed as an accident, and people don't forget so easily." "Einhron took me off active duty and by the time he let me come back," "I was on animal attacks." "So I was pretty fucked up and was sick of it... you know... and I was always out of it and doped on anti-depressants." "My wife left me, and I lost touch with most of my friends and..." "And then I had this..." "This kind of a..." " realization." " An epiphany." "I just realized that we all have our time to make our mark on this planet, you know?" "And all that I'd done with my time was... get a decent man killed." "That's the mark I made on the Earth." "That's dark!" "Yeah, well..." "Shit!" "Oh, now we got our special sharing time." "Let's figure out what the deer monster has against horny men." "Now this girl..." "This girl bothers me." "Whatever is happening to these men, it's happened because of her." "Right." " Maybe it's not a woman." " What?" "There's this type of spider looks just like an ant." "Okay, builds this fake ant-holes and hides in them, waits for the real ants to follow them down..." "And then chomp!" "Right." "So you're saying the deer monster pretends to be a beautiful woman, lures guys to somewhere secluded and then stomps the shit out of them?" " I don't know..." " Alright!" "Deer woman!" "Woh woh what?" "..." "You know the Deer woman?" " How you guys listen to stuff like that?" " And to stuff like what?" "You know, Native American mythology." "You know, the Deer Woman." "the Piasa Thunderbirds, the Olgoya, you know, stuff like that!" "Seat down." " I got to..." " No no no!" "It's okay, please." " Sit down." " Yeah, I guess I got a minute." "What you heard us talking about isn't a legend." "It's a case we're working on." "Okay, somebody is killing people in the city, trampling them to death." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "I saw that on the news." " You guys think that's the Deer Woman?" " What is a Women Deer exactly?" "Okay." "Here is the story how my dad used to tell it." "When the Pohonkians would get together, you know, for a big social gathering, the Deer Woman would come out of the woods and slip unnoticed into the party." "She's like the most beautiful woman in the world." "Really sexy, built like a goddess from the waist up." "But from the waist down she's like a deer." " A deer?" " Well, you know, she has deer legs..." " Four legs or two?" " You guys can't be serious!" "We're very serious." "Two legs." "Anyway, she comes in to the party, she finds a guy." "She lures him out somewhere secluded, bangs him, and then tramples him to death." "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." "Hey, it's just a story..." "How come no one notices she has deer legs?" " She keeps them covered up." " Why?" "Why does she do it?" "What's her motive?" "Why does everything have to have a why with you people?" "You know, it's a woman with deer legs." "Murder really isn't an issue here." "Okay." " How do they catch her?" " What do you mean "catch her"?" "Well you know, how does the legend end." "How do they kill the deer woman?" "They don't!" "She just kills everyone who she seduces and then she disappears back into the forest." "Right." "This is just some silly ** in this Pohonkin legend and you two are acting like this is a serious theory in a criminal case." "Actually, it's our only theory at the moment." "I'm going home, shower and change and get completely drunk!" "What's the matter?" "This case is getting to you?" "Look." "Every legend is based in fact." "Every legend is not based in fact." "If you take that attitude, we're never going to get anywhere." "Look, I get off soon." "I'm thinking about coming back." "Maybe hitting the slots..." "You want to come?" "A little drinking, a little gambling..." " I don't gamble?" "." " Didn't you see how they were paying off in there?" "You saw one person win." "So now you're going to come back and play, thinking you're going to win like the one person you saw win!" "Out of the hundreds of people who are doing there?" "That's correct!" "It's people like you that make America great." "Want to bet?" "Working nights now, Faraday?" " Not now, Fuches!" " Fuck, I'm sorry for being such an asshole to you earlier." "The more I look at this case, the more it seems bizarre." "Yeah, to say the least..." " Have a good night." " You too." "Asshole!" "Shit!" "Excuse me, ma'am?" " Can I get a "7 and 7" please?" " Well, I don't see why not." "50 dollars worth of chips, please." "Here we go, new shooter coming out." "Any ** last chance." "Here we go." "Shit!" "Okay, here we go." " Thank you." " Ah, thank you!" "Should I play the 7?" "Lady, you're the boss." "Here we go." "How about that?" "Here we go." "That's what I'm talking about!" "You want me to let it run?" "Okay." "The lady said let it run." "Alright lady!" "Where have you been all my life?" "Yes!" "Yes!" " Hey lucky?" "How about another round?" " Yeah!" "For everybody..." "Oh, man!" "You are beautiful!" "Dammit!" "I've got to get that." "I know, baby, but it's my job, I got to get to the phone..." "Hold on, baby." "I'm not going anywhere!" " Hello?" " Are you Reed?" "Dwight?" "Look, I've been doing some research." "That's good, Dwight." "I'll see you tomorrow." "This has happened here before." "Okay, about a hundred years ago, 11 workers were found pulverized." "They had all been seen with a pretty woman." "Dwight?" "I'm a little drunk and something's came up." "No, I'm thinking we should put some officers in clubs and bars and on the streets, you know?" "I'm a little busy now." "I've got a girl in here, man!" "I will call you tomorrow!" "Have you seen her feet?" "Say what?" "Do you know her?" "Have you seen her feet?" "Reed?" "Are you there?" " I'm a fucking idiot, Dwight!" " Where's your gun?" "Call backup!" "Reed." "Reed!" "Request backup in 35-81 Minery." "Copy that." "Fuck me!" "Reed?" "Reed?" "Reed?" "Oh, my God!" "Officer down." "Repeat, officer down at 35-81 Minery." "... Apartment 406" "What have I done?" "Damn it!" "Police!" "Police!" "Don't you move!" "Jesus Christ!" "I know all it's ass..."