"Oh, it's lovely." "Just lovely." "A lot of girls cry when they see themselves in a wedding dress." "Every little girl's dream..." "Or nightmare." "You know, if you're fat." " Hello?" " Do you do girls?" "It says here yes to anal, GFE, school uniform." "No to scats, stags and water sports." "I've got nothing against girls." "OK, what's the set-up?" "Threesome." "The client wants two girls." " Who's the other one?" " I haven't booked one yet." " What about Rachel?" " No, she's in Marbella." " Tanya?" " She's going to see Les Mis." "Again?" "How many times is that?" "Who knows?" "It's a sickness." "What's the client like, that one of us isn't enough?" "It's Ashok." "Ashok?" "Every second Wednesday since i started Ashok?" "The very same." "Sometimes two heads are better than one." "I'll find someone and call you back." " So beautiful." " Stunning." "It's not that i don't like going down on girls... ..it's just that i never really enjoy going out with them." "Right." "You're supposed to be helping me find a suit." "Yeah, i know." "Can you do this?" "i'm trapped." "So, what d'you think?" " When is it again?" " 8th of March." "1979?" "You look like you just stepped out of my parents' wedding photo." " Shit." " Sorry." "Oh, it's bad luck to see the bride in her gown before the big day!" "It's all right, she's not the bride." "She's just here to help." "I told my best friend that I'm a prostitute and he hasn't said a thing." "We're both acting like everything's fine, but of course it's not." "So the night your sister had a baby..." "i can't believe i'm asking you this." "Were you working as a prostitute?" "Were you doing it when we were still seeing each other?" "No, no." "And do you have, like, a..." "What is it?" "A madam?" "An agent, yeah." "She's the filter." "She always knows where i am." "Is it even legal?" "For me, yeah." "For her...not exactly." "Why d'you do it?" "Would you believe me if i said i enjoyed it?" "You know i like sex." "So, what is it you're doing tonight?" "It's a threesome." "Me and another girl from the agency." "Who's the...?" "It's Ashok." "He's lovely." " Lovely?" " Yeah, he's lovely." "He's my oldest client." "He's..." "He's like my friend." "How did you even get into it?" "Hello?" "It's all arranged." "You'll be working with Naomi." "Who's Naomi?" "She's new." "I poached her from Brompton Escorts last week so she's flying off the shelves, if you know what i mean." "Anyway, the room is booked from eight, so you two can get to know each other." " And it's that hotel close to..." " Ashok's office. i know where it is." "He'll be there by nine." "Lucky boy." "I'm sending him the creme de ia creme." "D'you wanna go and look at some more suits?" "I should go." " Here." "How much?" " No, it's all right, i'll pay." " No, it's fine, i've got it." " No, it's fine." " See you later." " Yeah, i'll give you a call." "How did you even get into it?" "A couple of years ago I met a man in a bar." "He was a perfect one night stand." "Funny, charming, great in bed, no expectations." "And he even gave me my cab fare home... ..or so I thought." "And just like that, without realising, I'd been paid for sex." "Would i have taken the money if it had been offered up front?" "Maybe." "I don't really know." "Either way, I did take it and I'm still taking it." "Today, a threesome with another escort." "I'm hardly a girl's girl but I will go gay for pay." "Hello." "So, Ashok..." " What's he like?" " He's sweet." "Quite handsome." "Athletic, clever... kind of geeky... gentle, very polite, and he always smells nice." "i was actually wondering whether he prefers anal or vanilla." "So...what's he into?" "Naughty school girls?" "Nurse and matron?" "Mother Superior and novice nun?" "Well, this is his first threesome, i think, so maybe just generic stuff." "Girls soaping each other's breasts." "Holiday inn porn." "Or maybe we should make something up." "Like what?" "How about good cop/bad cop?" "Ah, i'll put you down for good cop then." "This is all quite fun." "You know, what...normal girls do." "Oh, i forgot to ask, do you...shave or wax?" "Wax." "Good. i get stubble rash." "Hey...don't look so scared!" "Just getting into character." "Hello." "One, two, three." "Are we nearly there yet?" "I'm getting wanker's claw." "Almost." "I need a pee." " Can you take over?" " Yeah." "Oh...my..." "God!" "You're quite the athlete." "You're quite flexible yourself." "Thanks." "Wish i could say it was down to yoga." " What?" " You two, debriefing." "But i suppose, put two nurses or two teachers or whatever, together in a room and they're gonna talk about work." "Glad you think of us as a caring profession." "I do though." "I read that book you gave me." "And?" "384 pages of misery, and the world's smallest typeface." "But beautiful." "Really beautiful. i cried like a girl." "What time is it?" "I should get home." "Er...it's quarter to ten." "Is that all?" "I didn't last long." "Oh, don't worry." "A job shared is usually a job halved." "So, for you two, that means half the work for double the money." " I'm sorry, are you auditing us?" " No!" "Good." "Thank you for a wonderful evening." " And thank you." " You're welcome." "The pleasure was half mine." "That was fun." "Would you like to hang out sometime?" " Does it involve shagging?" " No." "Does it involve eating Haagen-Dazs" " and watching Pretty Woman?" " Christ, no." "Then yes." "What's your number?" "No, fuck that, what's your name?" "Hannah." "What's yours?" "Naomi." "Hello." "(Naomi) Hello." "What are you up to now?" "Best present a client ever gave you?" "A Mini convertible." "Worst present a client ever gave you?" "The hotel sewing kit." "Can you believe that?" "Just cos it's not ringing doesn't mean it's broken." "Boyfriend?" "Friend." "He's not taking it that brilliantly, the whole "i'm not really a legal secretary" thing." "I still find it harder telling girls." "They might give you a feminist polemic but they really think you'll steal their boyfriend." " Girls think that about me anyway." " Me too." "And half the time they're right." "I've never really got the whole female friendship thing, but with Naomi, we can talk about men, and sex and work, because for us, they're all the same thing." " I go in there to get my cervix scraped." " I wish they wouldn't say "scraped"." " And you walk out with a bloody party bag." " Not much of a party bag." "There's no fairy cakes, no party hats, just balloons." "Did you leave them with anything?" "There was a lovely speculum and swab set i had my eye on, but in the end i just took the condoms, and some pens." "Come on, let's go before you make me take them back." "I've got a new client for you." "28, works for an auction house, sounds like a Pathe newsreel." "Quite junior now, but good prospects." "Well, so he tells me." "i'm shagging him, Stephanie, not settling down with him!" " When is it?" " Next Wednesday." "Right." "Well, it depends." "Wednesday's my regular with Ashok." "Actually, Ashok's with Naomi this week." "What?" "Ashok is with Naomi this week." "So, can you do the auctioneer or not?" "Not." "Fine." "Call me when you've learned to share." "The end of the affair was written from the beginning." "He's a man who pays women for sex." "i'm the whore." "At some point, his tastes were bound to change." "So why am I so upset?" "Because who can I call to say I had a bad day at work?" " Hi." " Hi." " How are you?" " I'm good, yeah." " How are you?" " Yeah, good." " Good." " Actually, i'm shit." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's the matter?" "I lent someone a book and i don't think i'm gonna get it back." "I wish I had your problems." "Will you come round?" "You looked good in that wedding dress." "Can't remember if i said that." "I don't think i did." " Did you find a suit?" " No." "They were all as shit as 1979... so i'm gonna wear a kilt." "Since when were you Scottish?" "My mum's granddad or something." "I love that about posh English." "Always trying to pass themselves off as Scottish or Weish." "You've never even been to Scotland!" "Hellish place." "I've missed you." "I've missed you too..." "While you were off playing with Fanny." "I'm sorry about that, the other day." "It's just something huge about you i didn't know." "You're my best mate." "You're the only girl i've shagged who still likes me." "Except for Vanessa." "Yeah, except for Vanessa." "We go out and...we have dinner and we get pissed and we go running and we used to sleep together." "Am i ever gonna be able to talk to you about this?" "I dunno." "Try." "Even if i act like a cock about it, i still want you to try." "I need to ask you something." "It's a favour." "You don't have to if you don't want to do it." "You're not gonna ask me to have sex with you and Vanessa, are you?" "What?" "No." "Others may pay hundreds for you, but i had you when all it took was half a lager and a couple of Mariboro Lights." "Will you be my best man?" "I slept with someone last night, and now he won't leave." "I don't normally do this kind of thing." " Tell him his time's up." " I didn't charge him." "That's the problem." "You're not really a legal secretary, are you?" " Hi." " Hi." "Look, just go." "Some girls are too sensitive for this work." "You need perspective, Han." "See how normal people live." " Normal people?" " Y'know what i mean." " Sounds dead exciting." " Can't you take a break?" "Did you hear me?" "I said go!"