"THE TIN DRUM" "I'll begin long before I ever existed." "When the time came for my poor mama to be born, my grandmother, Anna Bronski, who was still young and unsuspecting, sat in her four skirts at the edge of a potato field." "That was in 1899, in the heart of Kashubia." "Something was moving on the horizon, as if jumping about." "Please." "Anybody come this way?" "Name of Koljaiczek?" " A firebug." " Short with broad shoulders." "I saw him." "Running like a bat out of hell." "Which way?" "I don't believe it." " He's gone." " Must be in Bissau if he's not here." "Has to be one or the other." "There's nowhere else." "And it's raining, besides." "All right, Koljaiczek." "My name is Joseph." "So my grandfather was an arsonist." "A repeat arsonist, because in all of West Prussia, sawmills were the tinder for the blazing nationalism of the Poles." "Joseph and Anna hid with the raftsmen for almost a year." "That's how long it took the police to catch up with my grandfather." "Run!" "Don't shoot!" " Don't shoot him!" " Fire at will!" "After that dive," "Koljaiczek was never seen again." "Some say he drowned." "Others say he escaped to America, where, in Chicago, under the name of Joe Colchic, he became a millionaire." "They say he made his pile in lumber, in matches, and in fire insurance." "As for my grandmother, she sat year after year in her four skirts, hawking her wares in the market." "Geese!" "Not too fat and not too lean." "And she grew older." "The First World War came, and instead of geese, she had only turnips to sell." "Turnips!" "My poor mother grew older too." "She was worried about her cousin Jan." "Jan had been called to war, but he wanted to be near her." " Name?" " Bronski, Jan." " Year?" " 1898." "Cough." "Again." "Rejected." ""No ass, no neck To the army I'm a wreck!"" "For the first time, my mother held her cousin Jan in her arms, and I doubt if they ever embraced more happily." "This young wartime romance was untroubled until the appearance of a certain Mr. Matzerath." "Alfred Matzerath, born in the Rhineland, was the favorite of all the nurses at the Silberhammer Hospital for his cheerful Rhenish ways." "What did she say?" "She said you're a born cook, Mr. Matzerath." "You know how to turn feelings into soup." "The war had spent itself." "Danzig was declared a Free State." "The Poles were given their own post office, where stamp collector Jan Bronski went to work." "Alfred Matzerath also stayed in Danzig." "We Kashubians have always been here." "Long before the Poles, and, naturally, long before the Germans." "That's old news, Jan. Now we've got peace." "Germans, Poles, Kashubians - we'll all live together in peace." "I don't know." "Well, you'll see." "The two men, so different despite their similar feelings for Mama, liked each other, and from that trinity they brought me, Oskar, into the world." "The sun was in the sign of Virgo." "Neptune moved into the tenth house of middle life, anchoring Oskar somewhere between wonder and disillusion." "Push, push." "Push, Agnes, push!" "Push hard!" "It's coming!" "I first saw the light of this world in the form of a 60-watt bulb." "Alfred, it's a boy!" "I knew it would be a boy, even if I sometimes said it would be a girl." "Not so hot." "Crying and impersonating a meat-colored baby," "I listened keenly and with a critical ear to my parent's first spontaneous reactions." "He'll take over the business." "Now we know what we're slaving for." "When little Oskar is three years old, he shall have a tin drum." "Only the prospect of the tin drum prevented me from expressing more forcefully my desire to return to the womb." "Besides, my umbilical cord had been cut." "There was nothing more to be done." "And so it was that I could hardly wait till my third birthday." "Who married us Go on, tell them" "You tell them It was the cardinal" "The cardinal bird married us" "The cardinal bird married them" "The blue sky was our cathedral" "What is it?" "Oh, it's little Oskar." "Want some more cake?" " No, thank you." "Your mouth's filthy." " Another sip, Grandma?" " Oh, yes." "It's not like an apple that you give away." "We must learn to respect the human body again." "And with rolls at three pfennigs " "What do you want?" "The main thing is a stable currency." "And plenty to drink!" "So here's to the stable mark and the three-pfennig roll!" "To youth!" "And beauty!" "Beautiful indeed is youth" "May I call you by your first name?" "Then I'll call you Lina." "We won't be so young when next we meet!" "The gentle nightingale sang her song all night" "Love, oh, love" "Is a power" "Divine" "The gentle nightingale" "Sang her song all night" "Love, oh, love" "How lovely." "Jan, get the cards." "I'll just drop this in the laundry and rinse a few glasses." "September 12," "1927." "Next year, you'll be this big, and then this big, and then this big, and then as big as me." "Gangway!" "Fresh from the cellar." " Here are the glasses." "So you won't have to drink from the bottle." " Playing, Mr. Scheffler?" " Heavens, no." "Go ahead." "I'll just watch." "Besides, it's my bedtime." " He's always tired." " You shouldn't have married a baker." "Oskar, it's been a long time since Grandma let anyone under her skirts." "Let's have a little game!" "Let's see where those jacks are." "Hey, cousin, you're out of diamonds!" "Don't argue." "Play." "I have two diamonds myself." "How would I know?" "That day, reflecting on the grown-up world and my own future," "I decided to call a halt - to stop growing then and there and remain a three-year-old, a gnome, once and for all." "One, two, three..." "My God, there he is." "What happened?" "He fell down the stairs!" "Do something!" "Why was the cellar door open?" "He's bleeding." "Alfred, it's your fault!" "You left the cellar door open!" "I was just getting beer for everyone." "Run and get the doctor." " It looks bad." " You!" "It's your fault!" "You left the cellar door open!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Calm down!" "What's done is done!" "My little Oskar." "My little boy." "How could this have happened?" "Two weeks in bed and Oskar will be as good as new." "Just a slight concussion." "Plenty of cold compresses." "My fall was a complete success." "The family story was:" "On his third birthday, our little Oskar fell down the cellar stairs." "He didn't break any bones, but he never grew again after that, not a fraction of an inch." "That drum again." "It's so loud." "There's my little Oskar, all well again." "Have a good lunch." "Not in the house, I said." "Besides, it's broken." "You'll hurt yourself." "You staying?" "We're having mushrooms." " Sorry." "Post office time." "Let me have that." "If you hurt yourself, it will be my fault again." "See?" "I told you so." "Give me that drum and I'll give you some chocolate." "Let them have it." "I'll get you a new one." "No!" "Oskar don't want!" "We'll see about that." "Alfred, why must you always use force?" "My drum!" "And thus I discovered my voice was capable of a scream so high-pitched that no one dared take my drum away." "Shards bring luck." "Because when my drum was taken away, I screamed, and when I screamed, valuable articles burst into bits." "Is the black cook here today" "No, no, no" "She will make an evil brew" "She will put you in her stew" "And then she will devour you" "Look, there she is" "That's enough of that!" "Beat it, you freak!" "I'm coming down!" "But no one dares to argue" "O glorious call of the sun" "Green of birch and green of seed" "As if with gestures to plead" "Old Mother Earth has decreed" "Mankind her own shall be" "I'll take that one." "Look... if you please, at this extraordinary potato." "This tumescent, luxuriant flesh, forever conceiving new shapes... and yet so chaste." "I love the potato because it speaks to me." "Yes, spuds are bigger this year than last." "What are you doing?" "Oskar learn to write." "Stop that." "You'll never learn to read and write the great classics, the eternal truths:" ""Die unto life!"" "Hold it." "Now I've got all of you." "A bit more to the right, Alex." "For you on your first day of school." "Eyes this way, please." "Good morning." "Good morning, children." "My name is Spollenhauer, and I am your teacher." "Be seated." "And now, dear children, do any of you know a song?" "You must be little Oskar." "We've heard so much about you." "You play that so well." "Isn't our Oskar a fine drummer?" "But now let's put the drum away." "It must be sleepy." "After school, you can have it back again." "You're a naughty Oskar." "I will now read you the schedule." "Monday:" "writing, arithmetic, reading, religion." "All together: writing." "Arithmetic." "Oskar, stop that!" "Religion." "Get out!" "Strange." "Very strange." "How old is he, did you say?" "Six, Doctor." "Inge, kindly undress Oskar." "How long is it since he fell down the stairs?" "Three years on September 12." "We'd better examine his spine again." "Be a good boy." "I'll give it right back." "Oskar, give me your drum." "I'll hold it." "See, you can't get out of your shirt." "Oskar, if you're not good, the doctor won't make you well." "Come, child." "Give me the drum." "Amazing." "I shall write a paper about this for one of our medical journals, if you have no objection." "Amazing." "Truly amazing." ""The destructive force of this local phenomenon is such as to suggest an anomalous formation of the lower larynx in little Oskar Matzerath." "Nor can we exclude the hypothesis of a concomitant development of the vocal cords."" "Did you hear that?" "In a medical journal." "Does the doctor say why he won't grow?" "You'll have to ask him that." "Why he won't grow." "Cut it out." "He's yours as much as mine." "If not more." "Who left the cellar door open, you or me?" "Uncle Hailandt, come spit in the soup." "Look what I found in the pond!" "Two frogs!" "What are you doing, Tom Thumb?" "Make Oskar taste the soup!" "Now it's your turn." "You'll love it." "A treat." "Open your mouth." "Good, huh?" "Just a little more." "Labesweg and its backyards hemmed me in." "I longed for space and took every opportunity to escape the persecution by the soup cooks by going into town alone or with Mama." "Your drum's busted." "Want me to mend it?" "No, he's getting a new one." "My respects, ma'am." "Hello, Uncle Jan." "You coming too?" "I must leave you now." "I have a few errands to run." "Good-bye, Agnes." "This is for your drum, Oskar." "Good-bye, cousin." "Good day, Mr. Markus." "Who do we have here?" "Oh, Mrs. Matzerath." "And little Oskar." "Here for a new drum?" "Yes, Mr. Markus." "Again." "He's always at it." "I never know what day it is - I mean, what day of the week - except when you come in." "Then something tells me it must be Thursday again." "You have such beautiful hands." "Worth their weight in gold." "Oskar, see that box?" "Hand it to me." "That's it." "Look here, Mrs. Matzerath." "Beautiful silk stockings." "Pure silk." "Fine quality." "One, two, three pairs." "Take them." "They'll suit you fine, and they're a bargain." "Much too expensive for me." " They're worth it." " Maybe another time." "I'll let them go for half a gulden." "That cheap?" "No, Markus, that would be like giving them away." "Take them, and don't ask questions." "And now, Oskar, what can I do for the little prince?" "Oh, is it a new drum we need?" "Just choose one." "You know where they are!" "See, Oskar?" "He's so happy." "Mr. Markus, could little Oskar stay with you for half an hour?" "I have some important business." "Ah, yes." "I'll watch him like the apple of my eye." "See to your important business, and don't worry." "The little prince will stay with me while you take care of your important business," "just like every Thursday." "We'll close off the street." "Danzig is and always has been German." "If not for the German people, all these eastern regions" "would have succumbed to total barbarism..." "Have a nice stroll?" "Everyone can hear the Führer but us!" "What's wrong with you?" "I suffer from an illness." "What is it?" "I've gone birdbrained!" "And now, ladies and gentlemen, the smallest of the small:" "Bebra and his midgets!" "My word!" "Now it's three-year-olds who choose to stop growing." "My name is Bebra." "Directly descended from Prince Eugene... whose father was Louis XIV, and not some Savoyard, as has been claimed." "I stopped my growth on my tenth birthday." "Better late than never." "Tell me, my dear Oskar, you must be 14 or 15 now." "Twelve and a half." "No!" "And how old do you think I am?" "Thirty-five." "Flatterer!" "I was 35 once." "I shall be 53 in August." "I could be your grandfather." "Are you an artist too?" " Not really." "Although... as you see, I can lay claim to a certain artistry." "You must join us." "You must!" "You know, Mr. Bebra... to tell the truth," "I prefer to be a member of the audience and let my little art flower in secret." "My dear Oskar, trust an experienced colleague." "Our kind must never sit in the audience." "Our kind must perform and run the show, or it's the others that will run us." "And the others are coming." "They will take over the fairgrounds." "They will stage torchlight parades." "They will build platforms and fill them, and from those platforms preach our destruction." "They're looking for you, dear friend." "But we will meet again." "We're too little to lose each other." "Good day." "Come on." "Good-bye." "They are coming!" "Now you can open them." "Thank you, Uncle Jan." "A pleasant Sunday to you all." "These damn leggings keep falling down!" "Morning, cousin." "I need boots." "You know they cost way too much." "Or leather gaiters at least." "How do I look?" " Going to the demonstration?" " Yes, at the fairground." "A mass rally." "How are you?" "Gauleiter Löbsack is speaking." "And what a speaker he is." "I tell you, these are historic days." "A man can't stand aside." "Gotta join in." "You should read the Danzig Sentinel." "Your siding with Poland is crazy." "I've told you a thousand times." "I am a Pole." "Think it over." "Take your umbrella." "It looks like rain." "An umbrella?" "With this uniform?" "The stew is on." "Stir it now and then." "It'll be done in 20 minutes." " Want a bite to eat before you go?" "No time." "Duty is duty, and schnapps is schnapps." "My dear fellow countrymen and countrywomen from Danzig and Langfuhr, from Ohra, Schidlitz and Praust, from the hills and from the lowlands," "I know you all cherish but one wish." "It has been our heartfelt wish ever since the shameful Versailles Diktat separated us from our beloved German fatherland." "And that wish is to go home to the Reich!" "What is the meaning of this Free State that was so generously foisted on us?" "It means that our waterfront is crawling with Polacks." "And in the middle of our beloved Old City, they've stuck a Polish post office - a present we can do without." "We Germans had post offices before the Poles even thought of writing letters." "We taught them the alphabet." "And now, dear party comrades, let us welcome our guest from the Reich whom the Führer sent to greet us." "Party comrade Albert Forster has just arrived on the field." "I've got sand in my shoe." "Hey, can you catch them with a clothesline?" "Yes, sure, you can." "Real fish, or just old shoes?" "Suppose we take a look." "Maybe something's there." "Get the sack." "You call that fat?" "You should have seen them after the battle of Jutland, when we and the English " "See what I mean?" "After the battle," "they were this thick." "He wanted 1.50, but I gave him a gulden." "Don't expect me to touch your eels." "Don't put on airs." "I'll never eat fish again." "Certainly not eels." "You've always eaten them, and you've known where they come from." "Quiet." "Stop that drumming once and for all." " Leave the child alone!" " And sit down!" "Who was to blame?" "Who left the cellar door open?" "That's old news." "Sit down." "See if they're not delicious." "Come on." "Dig in." "Fresh eel with dill sauce, bay leaf and a twist of lemon peel." "Don't make her eat if she doesn't want to." " Keep out of this." " Leave her alone." "She'll only vomit." "I paid good money for these eels." "Just try them." "They've been well cleaned and washed." "No gall." "Light, healthy liver." "And so fresh!" "All the disgusting parts are gone." "Oskar, sit down." "I slaved over the stove for hours." "Some people would be very happy to eat my eels." "I don't know what to do!" "Alfred, calm down." "I can't talk to her." "And the fish is getting cold." "Women are more sensitive." "You talk to her." "If only she'd calm down." "Shouldn't I warm them up at least?" "No, don't do it with Bronski." "He joined the wrong side when he went with the Polish post office." "Don't bet on the Poles." "If you must bet, bet on the Germans." "Sooner or later, they'll take over." "Imagine when the Germans come and you're stuck with Bronski, that meshugganah Pole." "You'll be in trouble then." "Why not bet on Matzerath?" "Or, if you'd do me great honor, bet on me, on Sigismund Markus, who was just baptized." "No, Markus." "Please!" "We could go to London like everybody else, before the Germans come." "Look." "There he is." "We'll take him with us to London." "He'll live like a prince." "Thank you, Markus, but it's impossible, and not because of Bronski." "I'm glad to hear that." "I had a feeling it wasn't because of him." "Steer clear of Bronski, and stick to Matzerath." "Come on." "Play." "One two, one two..." "You can't or you won't?" "Rascal!" "'Cause you can do everything else." "I have sinned in thought, word and deed." "Alone or with others?" "With someone else." "When and where?" "Thursdays, on the Tischlergasse." "But, child, that same filthy neighborhood?" "I can't help it, Father." "I try, but I can't." "But, my dear Mrs. Matzerath, the consequences." "They're already here, Father." "What do you think you're doing?" "Little brat." "Father, what will I do with the child?" "I love my little Oskar, but he's already 14." "He's always in trouble, and now this!" "Oh, Father " "Pray, Mrs. Matzerath, pray." "Oskar, stop it." "What did I tell you?" "Fish again." "She doesn't eat." "She gulps it down." "And she's surprised it doesn't stay down." "God, how can this be?" "This has been going on for three weeks." "First it was kippers and sardines." "Now it's pickled herring." "I've tried everything." "I'm at the end of my rope." "Why didn't you call me sooner?" "Agnes, tell me what's wrong." "You know fish doesn't agree with you!" "Take it from me." "A single communist joining the party makes the Führer happier than ten conservatives who just join out of fear, not grasping that a new era has begun." "Yes, a new era!" "Doesn't want to live." "Doesn't want to die." "I don't know." "It's too much of everything, and it keeps piling up." "I used to say that too, but I made it." "Think it was easy when Koljaiczek - your father " "disappeared under the timber and never came back?" " But at least he was gone!" " Away, you say." "The man's away." "How can you talk like that when you do it with two men and never get enough?" "That'll do, Mother!" "You're pregnant!" "So what?" "There's plenty of room here." "When will it be?" "Never!" "It'll never be!" "I had no way of knowing!" "Help her." "Why don't you want the child?" "It doesn't matter whose it is." "No trumpet playing here." "Go and blow that thing with your Brown Shirts." "Soon your blowing will all be over." "Nazi swine!" "Red pig!" "What are you doing here?" "You got no business here!" "'Cause you're - Wanna know what you are?" "A kike." "That's what you are." "Ah, it's little Oskar." "See what they're doing to Markus, who was baptized just like them?" "Is your drum broken?" "Come see me." "You'll have a new drum." "A beautiful day!" "She's gone to the place where everything's so cheap." "Yes, it's a beautiful day." "An unforgettable day." "I, too, have seen the Lord." "You've seen the Lord?" "A beautiful day." "The Lord has passed." "He was in a hurry." "There once was a drummer." "His name was Oskar." "He lost his poor mama, who had eaten too much fish." "There once was a gullible people who believed in Santa Claus." "But Santa Claus was really the gas man!" "There once was a toy merchant." "His name was Sigismund Markus, and he sold tin drums lacquered red and white." "There was once a drummer." "His name was Oskar." "There once was a toy merchant whose name was Markus... and he took all the toys in the world away with him." "September 1, 1939." "You know the date, I assume." "That was when I committed my second crime." "For I, Oskar the drummer, not only drummed my poor mama into her grave." "I also dragged my poor uncle, and presumably my father, Jan Bronski, to the Polish post office, so causing his death." " Halt." "You can't go through." " Why not?" "I work here." "Off limits." "Nobody's allowed in." "We only want to see Kobyella." "He's a Pole!" "Stop him!" "It's high time." "Quick, they're issuing weapons." "You're always the last one." "Take this rifle." "Helmet." "The ammunition's over there." "What are you doing here?" "Kobyella, repair drum." "Impossible." "Kobyella has no time for you now." "Bronski, are you crazy?" "Get this boy out of the way." "Go and hide somewhere, Oskar." "I have to stay here." "Go on, hurry." "On September 1st," "German territory was violated." "Last night, for the first time," "Poles opened fire on German regulars on German soil." "Since 5:45 this morning their fire has been returned." "From now on, bomb will be answered with bomb." "Where is Uncle Jan?" "The drum!" "Jan, the drum!" "Get down!" "The drum!" "Oskar, take cover!" "You can't stay here, Oskar." "Take cover!" "Fire!" "Hey, Kobyella, don't give up." "I'll fasten you down." "Then you won't tip over." "Is it my turn?" "With one play, two contras, three schneiders, four times clubs." "That makes 48, or 12 pfennigs." "Hey, don't be a spoilsport." "I can't play by myself." "Pull yourself together." "Kobyella, what's wrong?" "Kobyella, I beg you!" "I've got a Grand Hand." "Look, a Grand Hand." "Agnes!" "She's dead." "We surrender." "Don't shoot!" "Hold your fire!" "Freeze!" "Hands up!" "Line up!" "Move out!" "You gonna move, or what?" "You too!" "They filmed us for a newsreel that was shown in all the movie houses, because Oskar's experience at the Polish post office in Danzig went down in history as the first battle of World War II." "What?" "They shot Jan Bronski?" "They gathered up all the cartridge cases." "All but one." "They always forget one." "The Hanseatic Free City of Danzig celebrated the union of its brick Gothic with the greater German Reich." "This is a big moment in your life." "Keep your eyes open." "You'll have stories to tell." "I think I'll faint if he looks at me!" "Here he comes!" "This is Maria." "She wants to work for you." "You said you needed somebody for the customers." "Things can't go on like this." "And for Oskar here." "Hail Mary, full of grace." "The Lord is with thee." "Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb." "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us poor sinners, now and at the hour of our death." "Lord, give us " "Faith." "And take me up to heaven." "Have you gone to the bathroom?" "Another tune?" ""Mary, My Adoration."" "Maria, I love you" "With all my heart" "Forever and ever" "We never will part" "Go away!" "Disregarding my anonymous infatuations," "Maria was my first love." "How old are you?" "Just turned 16." "Me too." "I can't believe it." "Love cannot be sinful" "Even if it were I wouldn't care" "Maria smelled of vanilla." "I wondered why." "Did she rub herself with some root?" "Was it some cheap perfume that she sprayed herself with?" "Oskar resolved to find out." "What are you doing?" "Hey, stop it!" "You little rascal." "You dive in, not knowing a thing." "Good evening." " Gonna be late?" " Could be." "Too many victories to celebrate." "You can sleep with Maria." "There's plenty of room in my bed for Oskar." "He's just a shrimp." "Quick, Oskar, into the hay." "Come up here!" "Look." "He's so happy." "Good night." "It's a quarter to." "A little more." "Just a little." "But be careful." "Don't worry." "Almost." "Almost." "Just a little more." "But be careful!" "I am!" "Go away!" "What are " "Alfred, stop it!" "Is it the kid's fault you're not careful?" "Me?" "Who kept asking for more?" "I said, "Be careful." "It's coming soon." But it never came at all." "Never enough." "You're all the same." "In, out, finished." "That's your idea of love." "Well, go look for somebody else." "Think I'm some kind of electric bell?" "And you never take precautions!" "Stop bawling." "I'm fed up." "Then go back to your comrades, you jerk." "I need a change, that's for sure." "Women!" "They're all a bunch of quick squirters." "Beat it!" "Get yourself a POW if you're in heat." "Maybe the frog that brings the beer." "Maybe he'll satisfy you." "I see love as something more than smuttiness." "Next time I'll play cards." "Then I'll know what to expect." "You nasty little dwarf!" "You crazy midget!" "You belong in the loony bin, you scumbag!" "Oskar, I didn't mean it." "Now you'll have your own room." "He'll soon be 17." "Come on in." "You'll freeze out there." "Want to come in for a while?" "Come a little closer, Oskar." "Come under the covers where it's warm." "It's dreadfully cold." "Greff doesn't give us enough heat." "Come in." "Go ahead." "Greff wants to harden his body." "He loves youth and hard bodies, but he likes boys more than girls." "Victory through strength and joy" "My feet are frozen." "A scout is never cold." "They're doing fine in the east." "Leningrad will fall any day." "Kiev's more important because of the oil." "That was fast!" "Much faster than in '15, when I was in the army." "Moscow's the main thing." "Alfred, you carve." "What would we do without Grandma?" "Yes, the Kashubians are still good for something." "Oh, if I could only be out there!" "But I'm needed on the home front." "Moscow must be wiped out, or we'll have to feed all those people." "The Führer knows that." "They've sent my Herbert to the front." "To make him fight." "Disciplinary battalion." "Starve 'em!" "Starve all our enemies!" "That'll end the war." "Breast or drumstick?" "I'd like a drumstick." "It's nice and juicy." "The nations of Europe are all on our side." "The stalwart Finns." "No goose without sage!" " The Magyars, the Rumanians." " Oskar, what a splendid feast." "We're advancing on the oceans too." "For we're sailing" "No goose, Greff?" "You know I don't eat meat." "A youthful nation rises ready for the storm" "Raise the banner higher" "This isn't a Kashubian goose anymore." "It's a German goose." "Anyway, it's delicious." "Now you've got a little brother, Oskar." "You'll soon be able to play with him." "The butcher's son was killed." "He got the Iron Cross, first class." "Second class!" "If I say it's first, it's first!" "In any case, he's dead." "Kurt, my son " "You are definitely my son." "When you're three," "I'll give you a drum, and if you want to stop growing," "I'll show you how it's done." "An autograph, please." "May I have your autograph?" "May I make the same request?" "Very kind of you." "My dear Oskar!" "How glad I am to see you again!" "Didn't I tell you?" "We're too little to lose each other." "Splendid, splendid!" "You haven't grown an inch." "Permit me to introduce Oskar, an old friend who sings glass to bits." "Signorina Roswitha Raguna, the great somnambulist." "The joy of our soldiers on every front, and of my old age." "You're surprised to see me in this uniform, but the Propaganda Ministry approached us and asked us to appear before the country's top leaders." "Filthy politics!" "And now we entertain the troops." "A present from Oskar." "You are very talented." "Why don't you join us?" "What's to keep you here?" "Yes, join us, young man." "Play your drum, sing champagne glasses and lightbulbs to bits." "The German army of occupation in fair France, in gay Paris, will thank you." "Dear tin soldiers of Paris," "Bebra's Front Line Theater will play for you, sing for you, and help you win the war!" "What are you thinking about?" "My grandmother's skirts." "And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in France, a newcomer to our program, the man with the secret weapon we have heard so much about:" "Oskar the drummer!" "Oskar the glass killer!" "Mazel tov." "One corporal, five men, nothing to report." "Thank you." "At ease, Corporal." "You see?" "Nothing to report." "It's been this way for years." "There's always the tide, nature's contribution." "That's what keeps our men busy." "That's why we go on building bunkers." "You have faith in concrete?" "We haven't much faith in anything." "Am I right, Corporal?" " Right, sir." "But still you mix and pour." "Is the black cook here today No, no, no" "She will make an evil brew" "She will put you in her stew And then she will devour you" "Is the black cook here today Yes, yes, yes" "Look, there she is" "Goody!" "A picnic in the open air!" "Real Hungarian salami." "Wonderful!" "And chocolate from Holland!" "And now, dive in." "Dig in, my friends." "Where do we begin?" "Ah, caviar." "Rescued from Stalingrad." "Ah, may it soothe our souls!" "And now, Signorina Raguna, could you tell us, as well as the ladies and gentlemen present tonight, the exact date of birth of Lieutenant Herzog?" "April 11, 1915... in Bremen." "That's right." "And the place too." "Applause for Signorina Raguna, the great somnambulist." "I see they're bringing him champagne." "But you'll never drink it." "I'm sorry." " Why not?" "All together!" "Where's the witch, black as pitch" "Don't be afraid." "Nothing will happen." "My little man." "Children!" "Quick!" "What's the matter?" "The Americans are coming." "Oskar, I must have coffee!" "I can't go without coffee." " Roswitha, we're leaving." "A cup of coffee, please." "Roswitha!" "Roswitha, I don't know how old you were." "I only know that you smelled of cinnamon and nutmeg." "You could see into the hearts of men, but not into your own heart." "Ah, dear Oskar, we dwarfs and fools shouldn't dance on concrete that was poured for giants." "Come on." "We have to move out." " Well, Oskar, good-bye." " Good luck." "And keep your chin up." "It's little Oskar!" "Hey, Kurt, Oskar's come back for your birthday." "Your little brother just turned three." "I brought you a present." "Are you allowed to wear that uniform?" "Where have you been?" "We looked all over for you." "The police looked high and low." "We had to swear we hadn't bumped you off." "Well, now you're here." "Beethoven." "Now there was a genius." "Turn it off." "It's all over." "Final victory." "Alfred, get rid of your party pin." "The Russkis will be here any minute." "Bury it under the potatoes." "Hands up!" "Hands up!" "All right, I'll do it." "Hurry!" "I've still got shoes to sole." "Oh, my!" "His hand!" "It doesn't hurt him now." "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost." "Hail, Mary, full of grace." "The Lord is with thee." "Kurt, stop throwing stones." "Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb." "Should I or shouldn't I?" "You're 20, Oskar." "Should you or shouldn't you?" "You're an orphan, Oskar." "I should, I must," "I will grow!" "Kurt, now what have you done?" "He's growing!" "Look!" "See how he's growing!" "I have seen the Lord!" "The Lord!" "See how he's growing!" "The Lord!" "Just like a Kashubian." "Our heads were made for hard knocks." "And now you're going west, where things are better." "Only Grandma will stay here, because you can't move Kashubians around like that." "They have to stay so other people can clout them on the head... because we're not Polish enough" "or German enough, and they always want everything just right." "Does it hurt?" "I hope it's not water on the brain." "When he was three, he fell down the stairs and stopped growing." "Now he's fallen into a grave and wants to grow again."