"THE UNINTENTIONAL KIDNAPPING OF ELFRIEDE OTT" "This is the story of Horst Wippel... and his good friend, Toni Cantussi, two entrepreneurs living in Graz, the "green heart of Austria"." "How is it going, Horst?" "I'm almost done." "Toni will be here in an hour." "What about Karin?" " She can't come." "Karin has been real busy with work and all." "We'll fix you a bite to eat." "OK, Horst?" "Horst and Karin have been a couple... for two and a half years." "Horst is monogamous, and he likes typical guy movies." "He's a decent handyman, he enjoys reading, and his favorite food is lamb." "Toni?" "I have to tell Horst," "I can't take this any longer." "Things will work out." "Don't panic." "I must be a complete idiot." "Who took that funny picture of you two anyway?" "Toni." "Is he still living with you?" "Temporarily." "Does he at least help with your grandma?" "Totally." "Dresses her, washes her, everything." "It's been 18 months since Toni moved in... to Horst's grandma's apartment." "Toni is usually... happy-go-lucky, he likes pineapple pizza, and his hobbies include women, Latin American dances... and watercolors." "See you later." "Can I drop you off somewhere?" " No." "Bye." "Hey..." "Bye-bye, Horst!" "C'mon, Papa." "Well, if it isn't Cantussi!" "You better pay by tomorrow or I'm repossessing the car." "Stop laughing!" "And polish the Opel again!" "Yes, massa!" "Be glad you even have a job!" "Time has taken its toll on Gerald Dirschl." "It's hard always playing the tough guy." "Gerry is 45 years old, and all he wants is to relax... with his girlfriend, Veronika Polster." "Give me a break!" "In 1996 she was Miss Gleisdorf." "In the Miss Styria pageant... the same year she came in 8th." "Vroni used to dream of getting married, maybe to a doctor, and having kids." "Now she's stuck with Gerry and his jealous fits of rage." "It's time for our drops again." "Come on, Mr. Mader." "Yes." "One more." "That wasn't so bad." "Now get some rest, hm?" "There, that's a good boy." "See you later, Mr. Mader." "Good-bye, nurse." "What?" "What do you mean?" "I'm sorry." "I can't go on like this." "Karin, please, you can't do this!" "For 2 weeks I've been working for your parents, and now you dump me?" "Horst, I said I'm sorry." "Karin, what has gotten into you?" "Leave me alone, I need space." "And please don't call." "Thanks." "Karin, please, pl..." "Graz." "It's a pretty city." "Inversion climate with the highest particulate matter levels in Austria." "Lots of students, and even more retirees." "Home of the most beautiful women in Austria... due to the fact that it's a melting pot." "Karin broke up with me." "She said... she never wants to see me again and told me not to call." "Did she say anything else?" "No." "Did anything trigger it?" "Why all of a sudden now?" "I don't know." "She didn't say, but I felt like there was something." "Really?" "Maybe she was just bored." "You know how it is, Karin is still pretty young." "She has to get it out of her system, experience adventure..." "Maybe then she'll come back." "Yeah, with someone else's kid... that I get to raise, right?" "Did you drop crumbs?" "You can't do that!" "We said nothing that leaves crumbs." "I'm usually more careful." "Hey, look at this!" "It's all sticky!" "Uh oh." "Something must have spilled." "Elfriede Ott's performances at the Josefstadt Theater, the Maria Enzersdorf Festival, and in the popular sitcom "Liebe Familie" are legendary." "Ms. Ott is the last of her generation, an Austrian icon, and the current director of the Jakomine Theater." "We're sold out." "For scalped tickets contact me." "Very good." "Reinhard helps Ms. Ott in everything." ""Our Girl Friday" his aunt used do say." "Sometimes he still hears it even today." "And then a troubled shadow crosses his face." "Do we go straight from the frying pan into the fire?" "A seething, a rumbling, a storm is brewing." "Hair everywhere and nowhere a comb." "People are weak, mankind is vain." "As soon as the wind blows one worries about one's mane." "You can cut it or shave it, but it never lasts long." "Hair everywhere, but nowhere a comb." "Hair everywhere, but nowhere a comb." "Bravo, Auntie Elfi." "Fantastic job!" "All of you." "Good luck to everyone tonight!" "Toi toi toi!" "Knock on wood!" "At least my Barky wasn't hurt." "Barky." "Good boy." "He's a little snappish today." "The excitement maybe?" "Oh." "Reinhard, acting means everything to me." "It's all I have, that is besides Barky." "And you, of course." "And soon you will inherit everything." "It's Mr. Lohner calling to wish you good luck." "Hello, Helmut." "Yes." "Knock on wood!" "What's that?" "I bought a used carport." "A carport?" "So it doesn't rust, you know." "Where did you get it?" "Hardware store." "Then it's new, not used?" "Yeah, it's new." "But you just said it was used." "So you won't think I spend too much money." "Man oh man." "You buy anything else?" "Horst and Toni are best friends." "They met at a nearby tavern." "Horst couldn't walk straight, and Toni brought him home." "Since then, they've been inseparable." "Top of the morning, mademoiselle!" "Mr. Cantussi, it's already afternoon." "Ah, Mr. Wippel." "How was it in Bärnbach?" "Humid." "Your mailbox is overflowing again." "You look terrific today." "Were you on vacation?" "Not on vacation." "Take me along next time." "Sure." "Looking forward to seeing grandma?" "I can't wait." "I haven't seen her in ages." "Yeah, unfortunately she's bedridden." "Can Mrs. Wippel sleep with all that noise?" "Last night it went on until 2 a.m." "Really?" "Bye, see you around." "Isn't your grandma's birthday coming up?" "I could bring her a jelly doughnut." "She can't eat those anymore." "But I'll take it." "Sure, why not?" "Good-bye." "Just slip it under the door." "Under the door." "When did you go shopping last?" "Didn't get around to it this week." "Toni?" "Has anyone called yet?" "Nope." "But the phone number is wrong." "I figure that's probably why." "Yeah." "How can anyone call if the number is wrong?" "But until we get liability insurance, we shouldn't be chauffeuring anyway." "Dude!" "These fliers are worthless." "You buy a carport, but don't bother taking out insurance?" "What's wrong with you?" "Horst, you're all worked up." "Sit down, have a joint, you need to get over the breakup." "Man, you are so..." "When Horst was 15, he was abandoned by his mother, a housewife, and his father, a successful vacuum cleaner salesman." "On the way to Bolzano for vacation... both parents fatally crashed their Opel Rekord... after having it serviced at the garage." "From then on Horst just had his grandma." "High time something happened around here." "OK." "Here, hold onto this for me..." "Not my purse, the dog!" "Oh yes, the dog." "Come to papa!" "Break a leg!" "Elfi!" "Elfi!" "Oh God!" "Perfect." "Shit!" "You know who is coming today?" "Nope." "The District Head to wish grandma happy birthday." "Your grandma is dead." "I know." "He's coming at 11:30 anyway." "That's in two hours!" " Not much of a warning." "The letter is ten days old." "You didn't check the mail!" "Just say she's on vacation." "I can't." " Why not?" "Officially she's bedridden, she can't go on vacation." "How much do you get a month?" "247 euros care allowance." " Not much." "What do we do now?" "I'm going out for cigarettes." "What?" "No, Toni!" "You can't go!" "Don't panic." "We'll borrow a grandma from someone." "I don't know anyone." "We'll think of someone, just remember:" "Necessity is the mother of invention." "Bye." "What?" "No, c'mon, Toni!" "Why?" "Always worrying about everything usually doesn't help." "Still, it's good to have a backup plan... if you are embezzling money... from the retirement fund of the Republic of Austria." "Otherwise you might end up in deep shit." "Isn't that what's-her-face?" "I barely recognized her myself." "This is the famous actress, Professor Elfriede Ott." "Our distinguished patient suffered a little syncope yesterday, compounded by an electric wheelchair accident." "Both at the same time is plain bad luck." "Don't worry, Ms. Ott, you'll be fine." "A little tumble is rarely a problem these days." "Where am I?" "In the best of hands, Ma'am." "Then hurry up with my breakfast!" "Coffee with milk, 2 soft boiled eggs, a roll with butter and a bit of jam." "And a baked charlotte, OK?" "And make it very quick because I'm very tired." "Artists." "She'll be fine." "As long as nothing goes wrong." "Morning!" "Good morning!" "A pack of Smarts, Mavericks, Readers Digest, and Good Housekeeping." "Anything else for grandma?" "King-size rolling papers." "Don't worry, Mr. Meinhard-Ott, your aunt is... one tough cookie." "Sorry." "A bit groggy right now, but no broken bones." "At first we thought it was a stroke, but we suspect it was just a syncope." "We'll be transferring her to a first-class room... with her own TV and terrace, right, Vroni?" "After all she's got private insurance." " Yes." "Room 123 was vacated yesterday." "There you go." "Just in case, I'd like to run a colonoscopy." "Rectal?" "She might not like that." "We'll give her a good strong dose of Dormicum first." "She won't want to be conscious." "No, she certainly won't." "Sorry." "I don't believe this!" "Hey, Dirschl Gerry, what's up?" "You owe me 3 months for the limo." "Where's my money?" "Can I pay in installments?" "You can't pay installments in installments." "They're already installments." "Who says?" "Stop fuckin' around." "Bring my money on Wednesday." "Sunday." " Thursday." "Saturday." " Friday." "Thursday?" "Wednesday." "Deal." "Next Wednesday." "No, this Wednesday, dipshit!" "No, I can't." "All right, then Sunday." "Kiss my ass!" "Shit." "Hello, gentlemen." "Good morning." "Gerald, how are you?" "Can't complain." "How's business?" "Comme ci, comme ca, as they say in Italy." "What can I do for you?" "Supply us with good cars." "We got to the border." "They wouldn't let us pass." "The cars were stolen." "Now all 3 cars are gone." "They arrested the boss's brother." "You understand?" "That's impossible." "My cars are clean." "That's what I told my boss:" "Dirschl's cars are clean." "You see." "My boss said:" "If Dirschl's cars are clean, why did they arrest my brother?" "The boss is angry." "It's not good when the boss is angry." "The boss said:" "I'm going to cut your cock off, or else you cut Dirschl's cock off." "What do you think I told him?" "I said:" "I like my cock, my wife likes my cock." "Everyone likes my cock." "You see?" "I like my cock too." "I don't give a shit about your cock." "My boss says he needs 100,000 euros." "You know?" "For lost business and the acquittal." "That's a lot of money." "You know how much a penis transplantation costs?" "No idea." "A penis transplantation costs nothing." "Because there are no donor penises." "We'll pick up the money tomorrow." "Find a grandma yet?" "Yeah, but... she looks kind of strange." "But will she pass?" "Well..." "It's my old sex doll." "I blew her up and put clothes on her." "Not a bad idea." "Shit, she's going limp!" "What's going on?" "It's no use, I give up." "This is crazy." "C'mon, Horst, please." "The District Head never met your grandma." "You just need any old lady, right?" "So what?" "They'll be here in 40 minutes." "Shit." "Pretend you're a volunteer." "I bet lots of old ladies would like some fresh air." "Take the initiative for once." "Listen, you idiot." "Shut up!" "You're the reason I'm in this mess!" "Where are you anyway?" "Around the corner." "I think I have an idea." "I'll be in touch." "See you later, alligator." "If you don't get over here now..." "Whoa." "So, Ms. Ott, you'll feel drowsy, then we'll go for a walk in the park." "What is the password for your savings account?" "Barky..." " The password for your savings account." "Barky..." "Yes, a walk in the parky, but first we need your password..." "He's driving me nuts." "Your password?" "Vroni!" "Vroni." "Telephone." "What is it?" "A call for you at the desk." "Sounds urgent." "But..." " Go on, I'll take care of this." "Barky..." "Everything's fine." "Don't worry." "You're in good hands here." "Hello there, Mrs..." "Fresh delivery." "Perfect." "Barky..." "Parky, yes, we're going for a walk in the parky." "Barky, Barky..." "You never answer." "I'm at work, what do you think?" "Vroni, things with me are..." "Life can be so hard." "Are you drinking?" "No, no, it's not that." "I've got to go, I'm in the middle of something." "Kisses, see you later, and don't call anymore today!" "All right." "A kiss on your fanny." " Bye." "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "The eagle has landed." "Where do we put her?" "What have you done?" "Just picked her up." "At the hospital." "What's this one?" " Just a sec." "Heidelinde Wippel, says here she's bedridden." "Good." "It ought to go fast then." "I have to photograph an accident after this." "This is the place." "Bring her back this instant!" "What a job getting her out of the carport!" "This is kidnapping, you idiot!" "Should I take her back now or after your visit?" "There they are." "Straighten up!" "Hide the bong and let me do the talking!" "The doll!" "Just a second." "Right this way." "It's her only link to the outside world." "We don't want to intrude too long." "This must be strenuous for your grandma." "She's pretty out of it, but she still appreciates it." "Here, give me the flowers!" "Please go stand next to her." "In the name of our mayor... and my district, Lendt," "I wish you, Mrs. Heidelinde Wippel, all the best on your 95th birthday." "I give you... this modest bouquet and wish you luck... and health for the rest of your long life." "Let's take a quick picture." "Her real ones fell out 20 years ago." "No, you get in the picture too." "Stand next to the District Head." "OK." "Done." "We don't want to bother her any longer." "Your grandson is taking good care of you." "We can use more young people like these fine boys." "It'll be in tomorrow's paper." "Good-bye." "And thank you." " Good-bye." "Thanks." " So long." "Good-bye." "Well, what do you say now?" " Dude!" "Dude!" "Now we walk her back, nice and easy, no stress." "Quick!" "What do you mean she's gone?" "She's not here." "Vanished." "Gone." "Have you looked everywhere?" "Yes." "I can't find her." "Nurse!" "It's Helmut Lohner." "What's Elfi's condition like?" "Shit." "Mr. Lohner?" "The head nurse says..." "Ms. Ott's condition is shitty." "I'm sorry." "Should we call the police?" "Of course!" "Or should I conduct the investigations myself?" "About how many?" "Two, three packs." "And on a good day?" "Four." "When was your last lung x-ray?" "Never had one." "Kramer." "Yes." "OK." "Are we almost done?" "Almost." "Where can I find neurology?" "In 2 minutes we drop her off, in 3 we'll be in the Bacteria Bar... with a beer and a whiskey." "Two." "The cops." " TV cameras." "We should..." "Just confess." "We haven't done any damage yet." "It's still a misdemeanor." "Like shoplifting." "Back home we go!" "Toni?" "What are you doing?" "That's the District Head by the cops... and he'll remember your grandma." "If they catch us now, we're screwed." "We'll end up in jail... in a cell full of crazy Rumanians trying work our rims, and we'll end up paying for the manhunt too." "We're totally screwed!" " Totally." "What if we leave her by the recycling bins?" "She might freeze." "It's not exactly warm." "What was she in the hospital for?" "What do we do now?" "I'll think of something." "No." "Please don't." "Horst?" "What was she in here for?" "She had a syncope." "Is that still a problem these days?" "Rarely." "When did she disappear?" "Around 11:30." "She didn't just roll out for fresh air?" "Not with the dose we gave her." "Then we'll start a manhunt." "But please keep things quiet, Inspector." "What was your name again?" "Kramer." "I'd like to question you separately." "You first." "Please." "Who can that be?" " How should I know?" "Who is it?" "The neighbor." "I just won't answer." "Simple as that." "Where am I?" "Where am I?" "Help." "Help." "What have you done now?" "I just put a bucket over her head." "And a blanket to keep her quiet." "Dude, she suffocated!" "I took a first-aid class!" "Normally she should be OK." "Shh, so I can hear!" "I can't hear, I can't hear!" "I think she's a goner for good now." "I have tinnitus!" "I have to go to the hospital!" "And she disappeared around 11:30?" "Yes, I already told you that." "Any explanation for this?" "Are you a little nervous?" "Anyone would be in a situation like this." "I'm sure you're right." "You seem a little uptight yourself." "Yeah, well, my inner balance has seen better days." "Are you married?" "No." "Policemen are loners." "I can imagine the pressure." "I mean with the housework and all." "Where does it hurt?" "Here?" "It's easy to think bad of Vroni." "Vroni really does like Gerry, even though he can be a pain." "But she likes men in general." "They don't even have to be handsome." "Hi, Babe, here I am calling you again." "I can't stop thinking about you." "I wanted to ask..." "Can't you knock?" "What about my paycheck?" "If you've got a problem, talk to your trade union!" "I'm working off the books." " I know." "All right, fine." "Are you crazy?" "I'm taking it hostage until you pay." "Hey, this isn't the Congo!" "That was a quick investigation, Inspector!" "And you didn't keep things quiet." "Don't leave town, and be available if I need you." "Charming way to put it." "Thank God she didn't see us." "She didn't see us!" "Dude, she could have croaked, you idiot!" "That makes kidnapping and attempted murder." "She'll be out cold for hours." "Reini!" "Reini!" "Reinhard!" "Reinhard!" "Come out here this instant!" "What's that?" "Camouflage." "...I'll beat you to a pulp." "Just look at this place." "It's so ugly." "Hard head." "Respect." " Who is she taking about?" "Where am I?" "What am I doing here?" "Reinhard?" "Reinhard." " Where is Barky?" "What?" "We put a bag over her head and drive her far away." "Like a freeway rest stop." "Then we drive back, call the cops, and have them pick her up, OK?" "I didn't catch it all, but it sounds good." "Just hurry up, please!" " OK." "A bag!" "Barky?" "Barky Baby?" "All we have are plastic bags." " She'll suffocate." "We can cut holes in it." "Then she'll see us, idiot." "We'll use a sheet." "Good idea." "That way we can wrap her up instead of tying her hands." "All I have is a fitted sheet." "Will that work?" "Yes, give it to me." "How do we do this?" "Me from behind;" "you from the side." "Clean up around here, you slob!" "Come here right now!" "Where is Reinhard?" "Reini boss not here." "We take you home!" "Help." "Who are you?" "The Lone Ranger and Tonto!" "Shut up and grab her!" " I am!" "That's what you think!" "We gotta get outta here!" "Help me instead!" "I can't." "I'm wounded!" "What do we do now?" "She's trashing my living room." "This calls for a solution." "No kidding, jerk, but first I'm gonna clobber you." "What?" "What's wrong with you?" "I help you and you clobber me." "A fine friend." "It's your fault we're in this bloody mess." "My fault?" "Who's been embezzling retirement plus care allowance?" "What were you thinking?" "You're right." "I'm sorry." "Don't worry." "I have an idea." "I'll get us some tranquilizers from the Bacteria Bar?" "We have to sedate her first." "I'll be back in 15 minutes." "You hold down the fort!" "What?" "I didn't understand anything?" "Mr. Cantussi?" "What's going on in there?" "Just a little birthday party with the family." "Sounds like a fun crowd." "Maybe I'll stop by later." "Sure thing." "Hello." "This is the nephew of the missing person." "Sole heir?" "Actually yes." "Then we have a suspect." "Have a seat." "Thanks." "Now we wait for the ransom demand." "What?" "But who?" "Maybe you?" "An old lady like her must have... 5 savings accounts... and a mess of jewelry." "Yes, but I'm her heir." "Some people are impatient." "Why, Mister, what an awful thing to say!" "How did this wheelchair accident happen?" "That came afterwards, the syncope came first." "Who says?" "Maybe the accident came first... and then the syncope, hm?" "Chicken or egg?" "Egg, chicken?" "You must be an actor too?" "But your career never got off the ground, did it?" "I was questioned by an inspector named Kramer." "Well, well, old Karl." "Do you know him?" "We went to grade school together." "I stole his girlfriend once." "Old Kramer..." "If they don't find Ott, I'll lose my job." "That's for sure." "Babe, I'll find her for you." "The lady is filthy rich." "Really?" "How do you know?" "She has a bankbook with 100,000 euros on it." "I just needed her password." "I have to confess." "I'm really sorry about all this, honest." "About my grandma, that was a spontaneous idea, and I just thought:" "it's not hurting her, and it helps me, so to speak." "I really liked my grandma, we always stuck together." "She was so nice to me, not at all strict." "When I crashed my motorcycle, she scolded me, but I totally understood... in hindsight." "I don't know how I'm going to get out of this mess." "If I get out in one piece," "I swear I'll clean up the apartment..." "Karin?" "Bad timing." "Is everything OK with you guys?" "I saw you on the street just now." "I'd like to talk to you." "Bad timing, really." "The Bacteria Bar gets its name... from its proximity to the hospital... and the residents who walk across the street... for a drink and take their germs with them." "Hi." "Hi, Toni." "What do you need?" "Something to help me sleep." "Maybe Valium." "Wait a sec." "I've got some Ruffies." "Or how about some fresh ketamine?" "What's that?" "A horse sedative originally." "Does cool things to you." "Real popular among the schoolkids." "What do I owe you?" " I'll put it on your tab." "Tell me how it was." "Thanks, Rosi!" "Bye." " See you around." "Turkey." "Pork." "But I ordered two turkeys!" "It doesn't matter, leave it!" "What's wrong?" "Nothing!" "How much?" "100,000." "For a bunch of stupid Hungarians." "Hey, Babe." "How about if you and I, you know..." "Why don't we make it official?" "You know..." " What do you mean?" "Have you ever thought about getting married?" "Yes." "Well?" "Nope." "Why not?" "Saying "I do" doesn't have anything to do with love." "Neither does saying "Nope."" "You don't need alcohol to have fun." "The same goes for being married." "Hey, you want to come over afterwards?" "We could snuggle a little." "Then I'll drive you to work." "I don't know, I'm exhausted." "Too bad." "Or we could go shopping, and I'll take you to work afterwards." "Whatever." "It's no use going home in between anyway." "Did you learn that in first-aid class too?" "Do you hear anything?" "She's snoring." "Then let's make it quick." "What?" " The sleeping potion." "This will keep her quiet all night." "OK." "I have a yummy bottle for you." "C'mon." "That's right." "Good girl." "Very good." "Good girl." "Very good." "Good girl." "Crap!" "I don't believe this." "Check the electric wheelchair for any signs of tampering." "And no more info for the press today." "No, not for them either." "Bye." "Hot dog with mustard and horseradish." "Ketschach?" "What?" "Ketschach?" "No way, that stuff is disgusting." "Coming up." "Something to drink?" "A Turkish hot dog man!" "A small brew." "We know that guy." "It's been ages since I went to bed this early." "Today was a busy day." "I'll sleep on the couch." "Call me if you need me." "Toni?" "We'll never get out of this mess, will we?" "Don't be silly." "She's sleeping fine today, and tomorrow we'll take her back." "We'll probably have to kill her, won't we?" "You watch too much television, Horst." "How's your ear?" "If I lie on my good one, I'm deaf." "Sleep tight, you two." "And don't do anything you'll regret tomorrow." "You don't want a runny-nosed kid on you hands." "Enough shit happens as it is." "Leave the door ajar." "Horst?" "Yeah?" "There's something..." "I have to get off my chest." "Don't get upset because... we were drunk, and it's not important anyway." "I'm just going to say it, and we can talk about it tomorrow, OK?" "All right:" "I slept with Karin." "What?" "Speak up, I can't hear you." "I uh..." "Maybe it's better if we talk about it tomorrow, OK?" "Sleep tight!" "Sleep tight!" "I just wanted to say good night, especially to your cock." "You'll get your money." "Of course." "Shit." "Barky." "Shit." "Shit." "Toni!" "Like the Spanish Riding School." "What is she doing?" "It's the ketamine." "The what?" "A horse sedative." "I'm a girl," "I'm a girl, a sweet thing from the fringes." "I'm a girl," "I'm a girl, a girl from the fringes." "Fringes." "She's finally sleeping soundly now." "She was so restless before." "Good night." "Sleep tight, Horst." "You'll see." "Tomorrow everything will be fine." "Elfriede Ott Kidnapped?" "Nothing for grandma today?" "No." "You see yourself in the paper?" "Yeah, I saw it." "I look like I'm 30." "Aw, Babe, you sound so..." "Something bothering you?" "No, I'm just tired." "You want me to pick you up?" " No thanks." "It would be no trouble at all." "I'm fine." "You have enough to worry about," "I'll walk." "Is it another man?" "Stop it, you're being ridiculous." "OK, hugs and kisses." "Bye." " Bye." "Very interesting." "E L F R I E D E O T T!" "You stupid idiot!" "We've got the whole country on our backs!" "I thought she looked familiar." "If you paid any attention to culture, none of this would have happened!" "C'mon, everything is fine." "Nothing is fine, you moron!" "Elfriede Ott is passed out in my living room!" "OK, so we kidnapped her." "YOU!" "You kidnapped her!" "Horst, calm down and let's think about this, OK?" "How am I supposed to calm down, huh?" "Think about something nice." "Man." "Karin called yesterday." "What?" " Yeah." "It was weird, I think she wants to see me." "You know, if she sees what a mess I'm in, maybe she'll come back." "Yeah, sure." "Horst, I know this isn't the best time, but there's something I have to tell you." "What?" "I have to back up a little." "Remember when you went... to work at Karin's parents' house?" "Yeah, of course." "Right." "Well..." "Where do I start?" "What was that?" "The ketamine is probably wearing off." "Terrific." "Gonna help me?" " She's fine right there." "Are you crazy?" "I can't leave Elfi Ott lying on the floor." "Listen, I think I've got a plan." "Everyone thinks she's been kidnapped, right?" "So what?" "So let's demand ransom." "That's your plan?" "Demand ransom?" "I'll call the cops and say... that we really did kidnap her." " Great idea!" "Then we cut off an ear so it looks real." "Not necessary, Horst." "It's just a decoy." "Then we take her to the hospital." "If there's a baby hatch, we can turn her in anonymously." "She won't fit." "Idiot, we ring the bell." "Yeah, and the guard comes out." "Then we stick her in a laundry room, and that's that." "I get it." "They'll think she wasn't kidnapped after all?" "I'll use my old prepaid cell phone... and send the cops across town, like to the Eggenberg pool." "I see if the coast is clear at the hospital, you get her ready, I call, I pick you up, we take her back, and that's it." "Dude." "Excellent!" "What do we ask for?" "100,000, huh?" "That's a nice sum." "Who are you?" "Grandson of Elfi Ott." "Related, are you?" "Funny cop, ha!" "What can I do for you?" "100,000 in small bills, unmarked, no tricks - like on TV." "Really?" "It usually gets bloody on TV." "Shut up, stupid cop with little prick!" "Get the money in 30 minutes." "I call again, tell you where." "He's asking for 100,000." "And who's going to pay that?" "Mr. Schenk." "Did you hear the news?" "They kidnapped Elfriede Ott." " Really?" "Too bad it wasn't Schenk." "I can't stand him." "Or Muliar." " That's not funny." "Sorry." "Muliar." "We just got the ransom demand." "What should I do?" "Nothing." "What are you doing?" "Thinking things over calmly." "Don't worry, everything will be fine." "We'll pay Vroni's boyfriend a visit." "I hear business isn't good." "We should tail the nurse too." "She's a pretty hot number." "Maybe she knows something." " I hope not." "Why?" " Enough shit happens as it is." "All bundled up nice and warm." "It's me again." "Do you have a minute?" "Bad timing." "I'll call you back." "Bye." "What was that?" "Kramer." "It's me again." "Eggenberg Park. 15 minutes." "Garbage can." "First money, then Ott." "Why should I believe you?" "I want money." "I don't want Ott." "See?" "No matter." "Radio the special tactics unit, but don't send everyone." " OK?" "So far so good." "Be there in a few minutes." "We're at the door." "We're going out?" "Lovely!" "That's right." "A nice outing." "Shit, she's waking up." "Give her some more tea." "Doctor, I can't see!" "The bottle is by the stove." "We had to remove a cataract, we have to keep your eyes bandaged." "Oh." "I'm starving, Doctor." "Bad timing." "I'd like a baked charlotte." "A what?" "A baked charlotte cake." "I have such a craving." "Damn!" "Just make her the raviolis." "C'mon, Horst." "Stay cool!" "What's the big deal?" "Top of the morning." "Well if it isn't Cantussi." "Well, what about my cake, Mr. Schnoferl?" "Damn." "Can I help you up?" " Yeah, thanks." "I'm still totally..." "Totally gorgeous, I'd say." "We sure were lucky, weren't we?" "Same old smooth-talking Toni." "I better get going." "Can I give you a lift?" "I'm in between rides." "Sure, why not?" "I knew it." "The slut!" "Slut!" "If it isn't Gerry." "What are you doing here?" "Driving, can't you tell?" "I don't see much scenery flying by." "I'm waiting." "For better days maybe, hm, Gerry?" "Business has been slow, huh?" "Or you wouldn't be sitting around in this piece of shit." "If you weren't a cop, I'd punch your face in!" "Like in the schoolyard, remember?" "Take Mr. Dirschl in for questioning." "What?" "Hey!" " Let's go!" "Are you crazy!" "Hey!" "Aren't you going to answer?" "I'd rather not." "Stress?" "Stress is bad for you." "What about you?" "Why?" "You were in the paper today... about the kidnapping of that Ott lady." "Cute picture, by the way, you looked like you were 20." "Why doesn't that jerk answer?" "Doesn't matter." "Gelatin." "Don't have any." "Gummi bears." "That will work." "1 yolk, 3 egg whites, and Stroh rum." "That we have." "Easter bunny?" " No, cooking chocolate." "Grate it in nice and small, OK?" "Yeah." "Toni, I've got something in the oven." "Yes, so do I." "What?" "This is Reinhard Meinhard-Ott." "I saw the picture in the paper, I know everything." "3 p.m., empty lot behind the Rihani House." "I'll be waiting there for my aunt." "You can have the 100,000." "In cash." "I don't need it." "I just want my aunt back safely." "All right, assuming we are the men..." "Hello?" "Any new leads in the Ott case?" "Why do you ask?" "No reason, nothing happens around here." "No leads at all, as far as I know." "I bet it was the Albanians." "They do that kind of thing." "I was in the paper today too." "Really?" "Damn." "I don't believe this." "Why doesn't that moron answer?" "Doctor, watch your language." "Oh, sorry, but personnel these days..." "You are so right, the things I've experienced!" "At the theater, for example, ever since..." "Something stinks, doesn't it?" "Maybe." "While we're waiting for the cake, let's have some apple tea, it's good for the eyes, helps you see all the funny people." "I warmed it up." " How sweet of you." "Here." "Too hot." "Really?" "It's body temperature." "Tastes wonderful." "Try another little sip, all right?" "Terrific." "Good girl." "I feel tired again." "Yeah, me too." "You know what?" "Let's take a nap and have the cake when we wake up." "OK?" "Something really does stink." "It's because I fucked your girl in 9th grade." "Who fucked whose girl and when... is not the point here." "We'll deal with that in private." "What do you want from me?" "I think... you kidnapped Elfriede Ott." "I didn't kidnap anyone." "I'm not that stupid." "You are pretty damn stupid." "Is he allowed to say that to me?" "OK, probably." "Who were you shadowing?" "In Hungary they say... answer questions with questions." "Really?" " Why not?" "Ask someone." " Whom?" "You don't know?" " How?" "Or don't want to?" " What?" "Cut the crap, or I'll have you locked up." "I was waiting for Vroni, my girlfriend." "I think she's having an affair." "You think so?" "Thanks for the ride." "My pleasure." "For a doll like you I'd do almost anything." "You want to come up?" "Until now Toni has never passed up an opportunity." "Two hearts pound in his breast." "Which will he obey:" "friend or woman - suck her or succor?" "I can't." "Your call." "Well?" "Is he involved?" "No, he's just a little weenie." "But weenies are always better roasted." "Sorry, it's an emergency." "What, emergency?" "Are you crazy?" "You asshole!" "Are you nuts?" "You sorry son of a bitch." "Back off, you old goat!" "Karin?" "What are you doing here?" "Hi." "What?" "Hi!" "I just wanted to talk." "Can I come in?" "No." "What?" "Not right now!" " Is someone here?" "Just grandma." "She's been dead for 2 years." "I know." "What's that?" "A baked charlotte." "But the rum caught fire in the oven... and the lady fingers fell apart." "It still looks good." "Can I have a taste?" "Yes!" "I gotta lie down now, I'm so tired." "Horst!" "What?" "Horse?" "What took you so long?" "Sorry." "C'mon let's get her and go." "Wait, no!" "We have to pick up the ransom money." "Are you nuts?" " No." "He called." " What, who?" "What's-his-name..." "Ott junior!" "He's giving us the ransom money." "100,000 euros!" "That's not how it usually works." "What?" " The kidnapper calls and demands ransom." "That doesn't matter now." "We trade her for the ransom money at 3 o'clock." "That must be pretty soon." "C'mon, get her ready." "How is she?" "Can she be moved?" "The tea works just fine." "What's with you?" "I had a taste." "C'mon, give me a hand." "C'mon." "Lucky no one ever uses the elevator." "Take off the helmet, dork!" "You don't need the helmet." "He knows who we are or he couldn't have called!" "Save your advice for prison." "I was in the paper today too." "Well, well." "Very sporty, Massa." " Go fuck yourself!" "Now I've got you, you bastard." "Piece of shit, shitty piece of shit!" "Well, here we are." "First the money, then Ott." "The other way around." "First my aunt, then the money." "What do we do now?" "Hold your ground." "What?" " Be tough!" "First a little bit of money, then Ott!" "There." "Now roll her over here, and no funny stuff!" "On the count of three." "We touched the gun." "Now it's got our DNA on it!" "He opened fire, just like that." " Yeah." "He wants to frame us for murder and keep the money." "A fine mess we're in now." "Get out of the way!" "Yes?" "Steffl here, is this Star Limo Service?" "We're taken, fuck off!" "Where did he get our number?" "Holy shit!" "That sure was a good idea of yours!" "Can't wait to see what comes next." "There's the stud!" " What did I do?" "You just banged my girl!" "I'll kill you!" "I didn't bang your girl." "I banged his." "What!" "K A R I N?" " Yeah." "You're a dead duck!" "How could I be so wrong about someone?" "I never would have thought." "A frustrated actor." "They're the worst kind." "I always wanted the best for him, but I did everything wrong." "Don't say that, Ms. Ott." "You're famous and people love you - as far as I can tell." "What good is that?" "Here I am, useless, there's nothing I can do." "And I've been kidnapped besides." "It's a little more than I can handle." "Don't be sad, please." "We didn't mean any harm." "We just wanted to borrow you." "Borrow me!" "Seemed like a good idea." "Would you like to kick back on the couch?" "We could watch TV." "I could make you some tea." " Tea?" "No thanks." "I could run you a bath, and you could borrow some of grandma's clothes." "I'm gonna kill you, you son of a bitch!" "Watch your language in front of the lady, Gerry." "You didn't tell me you fucked Karin." "Young man, you're not going to shoot!" "Shoot!" "Blow his brains out!" "That's what I've been trying to tell you!" "Shut up!" "There's one bullet left for you!" "He fired 12 times." "A Glock 23 has 13 rounds." "You counted?" " I'm gonna blow you away!" "After all I've done for you!" "Good afternoon." "I forgot all about you fellows." "Can we take Gerry?" "He's already packed." "Go right ahead." "Not Gerry!" "Vroni!" "Can we please introduce ourselves properly?" "I'm Horst Wippel and I'm gonna shoot Toni Cantussi!" "No!" "Hurry up and shoot him!" " Gerry, stop it!" "He's not worth it!" "Oh really?" "That won't solve anything." "You can't just shoot a person." "You'll end up in jail." "What are you waiting for?" "Give me the gun!" "Auntie, you can walk!" "A classic bullet to the belly." "You said you can't just shoot a person!" "Sometimes you have to, besides it was self-defense." "And now Toni!" "Oh be quiet, Gerry!" "Vroni, why?" "Why do you do this?" "Why do you make a fool out of me in front of the whole world?" "I'd really like to know... who else you've fucked." "Carnival season last year." "Hi, Gerry." "What him too?" "You slut!" "Call an ambulance, I'm wounded." "Why DO you screw everyone?" "Just because." "I don't know." "I can't take this!" "I can't take this!" " Quiet now, Gerry." "What about the kidnapping?" "Can I help you in any way?" "No, everything is under control." "My nephew tried to kill me, but these two nice... young men saved me... by dressing me up as a sex doll." "And you?" "Just here by coincidence." "That's just the neighbor." "My God, Ms. Ott!" " Just a sec, we still have a few things to clear up." "Reinhard, why did you... come back?" "I just wanted to apologize... for shooting at you and everything." "Apologize." "Wearing a stocking mask?" "You're such a liar." "I'll tell you why you came." "You wanted my purse, didn't you?" "My bankbook." "I didn't even think of that." "That's why you're here too, isn't it?" "To steal the old bag's bankbook!" "Malou?" "Vroni?" "You're on a first-name basis?" "What's going on here?" "I can't take this anymore either." "Where is everyone coming from?" "I'm having a nervous breakdown!" "What happened?" "I've been shot, but no one cares." "Where is my Barky anyway?" "Here." "In here." "In here." "In here." "You lie there wallowing... in your bad blood, you liar." "Out of the frying pan... straight into the fire." "You can't act worth beans, have the talent of a gnat." "But you take my poor Barky," "I won't stand for that." "All you talk about is Barky, but what about me?" "I gnawed that mutt's bones." "I ate it with glee." "Speaking of mutts," "Mr. Anton Cantussi, it's your last chance to say farewell to your floozy." "Then give me the gun, and step back if you're wise." "'Cause I'm shooting this bastard straight between the eyes." "But castrate him first." "Then knock him off... 'cause an asshole like him has his brain in his cock." "I've made lots of mistakes... in the past two days." "But, Horst, I promise I will mend my ways." "You've made lots of mistakes, not just one or two." "But I was the fool for always forgiving you." "To forgive is not the Hungarian way." "If you make a mistake we will make you pay." "Igen, igen, if you cheat then we cut... off your meat." "There are as many methods... to torture a rat... as there are ways... to skin a cat." "Maybe I'll move out, and we'll just stay friends." "Physically apart, but together at heart." "Together at heart, what a lovely idea." "All this shagging around... is becoming a drag." "Porking is an overrated addiction." "It's just like conversing except with friction." "Yeah, if it feels good do it." "I think so too!" "Who cares about loyalty?" "You've just got to be you." "If two people love each other, what's wrong with that?" "I would forgive Vroni no matter what." "I can't stay mad at anyone." "And Toni's like my brother." "I've often misused him to replace my grandmother." "Friendship can be like a surrogate grandma." "Forget it, forgive me I forgive you too." "I'll move out, we'll stay friends, and you'll have more room too." "He'll move out, they'll stay friends, and he'll have more room too." "They'll stay friends, he'll move out, and more room he'll have too." "People are weak, mankind is vain." "As soon as the wind blows one worries about one's mane." "You can cut it or shave it, but it never lasts long." "Hair everywhere, but nowhere a comb." "Hair everywhere, but nowhere a comb," "Inspector, how did you find me here anyway?" "An anonymous call from a neighbor... who saw something fishy going on here." "My back." "On the whole, things worked out." "Especially for Horst, who wasn't the luckiest guy." "Ms. Ott paid all his fines, and they have really hit it off." "What a great team the two of them make..." "Or actually the three of them if you count the new dog." "Toni, for his part, has committed himself to a relationship." "What dribbled out on the backseat of the limousine... shows how fast fooling around can become ernest." "Ernest is now 4 months old." "Karin and Toni have been a couple ever since." "Albeit an odd one, at least as far as Graz is concerned." "Poor Gerry was in for quite a shock, when they followed through and took his..." "But after his mishap, Vroni changed, now she looks after him... just like a sister." "For Reinhard life is... no bed of roses either." "He recovered from his injury, but now he has... other hardships to deal with." "And come to think of it, things got kind of ugly... for Inspector Kramer in the end too." "I followed it all for a while, but now I've seen enough." "I'm closing this chapter and the curtains too." "Whatever happens now is none of my business." "I don't need any more hassles." "Enough shit happens as it is." "Translation:" "Kimi Lum Subtitles:" "TITRA-Vienna"