"THEY CALL ME HALLELUJA" "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Why are they taking you away?" "Don't be scared, my son, have no fear..." " No, let me go!" "Let me go, no!" " Oh, my little boy!" " What have they done to you, my son?" " Is he hurt?" "Yes... they have no mercy with anyone!" "Murderer!" "Viva Mexico!" "Down with Maximilian!" "In the name of his Majesty Maximilian, Emperor of Mexico by grace of God the court-martial of the second division convicts the bandit Emiliano Ramirez self-proclaimed General of the rebel army the priest Victoriano Pachecho and the following members of his band of rebels to death:" "Firmino Mendoza, Ignazio Bonarios Francisco Bienvenides, Agostiono Uriedas Pepe lbarra, Luis Enriquez, Eufemio Garancia." "Battalion ten-hut!" "Load!" "Aim!" "Fire!" "Viva la revolucion!" "Viva la revolucion!" "And it doesn't even sew very good - at least it still has warranty!" "You really took your time to come here!" "I wasn't so sure if I should accept or not." " I was told, it's a question of money." " Exactly." "Maybe I'm a little too expensive for you." "The revolution is poor, gringo!" "Come with me!" "Let's go, boys!" "Excuse me if I'm disturbing you." " But what is it about?" " Jewels." "Jewels of the Usurpator Maximilian." "Millions of pesos in jewels." "And where are they?" "In this very moment, they're already on their way to the States." "In a nice bag..." "with a golden eagle on it." "Full of jewels, you said?" "But why don't you snatch them yourself?" "I don't have time right now." "I have to push the revolution!" "And besides, I can't cross the border to the United States, anyway." "There!" "Nice shot, gringo." "Come!" "Lord, forgive them!" "Excuse me, if I'm interrupting, General." "Once again, about this bag:" "Who tells you that I won't take the jewels myself?" "That's a risk I have to take." "Is 10% okay?" "Let's say at least 20, General." "I also saved your life, right?" "Right." "Let's not lose time, gringo." "We have an agreement, don't we?" "The coach isn't waiting for you." "The coach?" " So, when will this take place?" " Don't know." " He'll tell us." " Right now, I guess." " They're already there." " Just be quiet!" "We thank Earl Mendoza, ambassador of his Majesty that on his trip to the United States he chose to honor our monastery with his presence." "And we're happy that this joyful event happens to take place on the day of our festive of the Patron Saint San Firmino." "And by repeating the Saint's words we tell the ambassador of his Majesty:" ""Guide us in our doings, now and in the hour of their deaths."" ""Ours", Padre?" ""Yours!"" "Come on, look for the bag!" "Well, come on!" "Don't stand around and scratch your asses!" " Look in there!" " But here's nothing!" "Go upstairs!" "Nothing!" "They shall be damned!" "Now, come on!" "Here!" " Here it is!" " Give it to me!" "For you, Fortune!" "They've been hiding them quite good, those wise guys!" "Well, but we've been even more clever." "Run, I don't like them sharing it already!" "Good work, boys." "I'll go to the boss." "One minute, Fortune!" "I'd say, we should split the goods between us." "You say that, Calhoun?" " The boys say so, too." " You can bet your bottom dollar!" " Let's share it between us." " Exactly, between us!" " Calhoun is right." " We were paid for this work." "But when you say that we should share it right now here's your part!" "Does anybody else want to join in?" "No, right?" "Right, it won't be shared!" "I'll take all!" "Don't let him escape!" "Have an eye on the door!" "But where did he go?" "Where is he?" "Where is he?" "I can't see a thing!" " It's too much smoke!" " You can't see anything!" " Over there!" "Quick!" " Too much smoke." " Here!" "There!" " Too much smoke." "I'm here, brother, right behind you!" "Hey, what's going on down there?" "Did you catch him?" "Answer me, bastards!" "Did you get h..." "God speed you, brothers!" "You, down there!" "Send another guard to the roof!" "And you keep searching!" "There must be some ammunition around!" "Hey!" "Watch your step!" "Seems like you step into all the holes on purpose!" "My poor leg doesn't seem to interest you at all!" " Ammunition?" " No, salt meat." "Well, are we shooting with cutlets?" "Keep searching!" "Go!" "Take my confession, Padre, I'm dying..." "Come on, Pablito, you're not dying." " It's just the arm." " I'm telling you, I'm dying in sin." "Take my confession!" "Listen, Padre..." "I killed the governor of Chihuahua I blew up the constabulary I did a lot..." " I heard enough of politics, Pablito." "Tell me your sins." "For how long haven't you been to church anymore?" "General!" "My General!" "We suffered heavy losses!" "Lieutnant Uriedas is dead, too!" "That poor man." "Fine!" "I'll appoint you Lieutnant then!" "Excuse me, General, but I'm already a Captain!" "Then I'll appoint you Colonel!" "Move!" "An ugly death for soldiers, to die by the rope." " Right, General?" " Stop that!" "Do you think I kill for fun?" "We can't wage a war by the rules." " We have no ammunition to waste!" " General!" " I'm talking to you as a priest!" " A priest!" "You priests talk too much." "You like putting your noses into issues that aren't your business." "But these things will change now!" "As soon as the gringo comes back with the jewels." "Of course!" "Then we'll have the instruments to wage a war in a serious fashion." " Hey, did you put up the guards?" " Yes, my General!" " Nobody may come in here." " Yes, my General!" "Only the gringo, in case he shows up." "And also, only if I command it!" "General, the gringo is inside and expecting you." "Inside?" "And how did he get inside?" "Let's go!" "Let lightning strike him!" "Move!" "Really, Senor, that's the General's wine." "The General shouldn't drink so much." "He has to take care of his war." "Hello, General!" " How's it going with the revolution?" " Let's not lose time, amigo!" "Give me the bag!" "Just a second, General!" "What's that little joke supposed to mean?" "What are you talking about?" "I don't understand." "You let me do all the effort for some colored marbles." "Damn it!" "They look fake!" "They are fake." "What?" "Did you take the wrong coach?" "Or are you trying to fool me?" " Son of a..." " General!" " Not in the presence of a priest..." " You want to sabotage the revolution!" "General, if I had taken the real jewels I would have hardly come back, huh?" "It hurts like hell!" "I can't take it anymore!" " Call me the doctor of this village!" " He's dead." "He's one of the people you hanged." " Damn it!" " Exactly." " I could take a look at it, General." " Alright." "But watch out, gringo!" "If you kill me I'll get really angry!" "Better dead than waging the revolution from an armchair." "Put him on this table." "My leg!" "You rascals!" "My poor leg!" "Hold him down!" "And you, priest, if he struggles, hit him on the head." "I'd love to." " Well, gringo?" " An ugly wound." "The bullet sits right next to the aorta." "Don't change the subject all the time!" "Where are the real jewels?" "Pass me that bottle over there." "You want me to tell you the truth?" "I don't know yet." "Would you be able to pay me in gold if I find them for you?" " In advance, this time." " Bloodsucker!" "This revolution is poor." "Damn it!" "I could sign you an exchange." "Only for a couple of months, until we've won." "An exchange?" "Don't make me laugh, I'm operating." "I have my principals too, General:" "Never work on the nod." " Is one third of the jewels okay?" " Thief!" "Well, alright, you thief!" "I didn't think that you're that greedy, General." "You want to take all of the jewels for yourself, right?" "No, no, I don't want them for me." "I need them for the revolution." "These jewels belong to the Mexican people by rights!" "Tyrant Maximilian wants to buy weapons with it!" "Weapons to wipe out the people!" "Machine guns!" "And if this filthy pig succeeds, damn it then he'll kick our..." " General!" "I'm sorry, Padre." "That's why I need these machine guns!" "You still didn't tell me who's selling them." "There's a gringo in Yucca, beyond the border who suggested that deal." "However, he won't wait for long." "And I wouldn't let him wait, General." "Do you know, how often an operation like this is successful?" "I bet for the very first time with a corkscrew." "Bandage him real tight." "And you, priest, give me this bag." "One more thing, General:" "What's this guy's name?" "Who knows!" " Good day, Mr. Krantz." " Sheriff!" " Did you take care of the goods, boys?" " Everything's fine, Mr. Krantz." "I don't want to be disturbed." "Don't let anybody in." "Okay." "Hello!" "Welcome, stranger!" " I need a room, my friend." " Sure!" "Two dollars a day." "In advance!" "How long are you planning to stay here?" "For two dollars, I hope." "If somebody wanted to send goods to Mexico without being asked any questions, who would he have to contact?" "Mr. Krantz, of course." " Would you take that for me?" " Why not?" " Is there anything valuable in it?" " It depends." " And where is this Mr. Krantz?" " You can't miss him." "Turn left at the end of the village." "There's such a big nameplate that even a blind man could see it." "Stop!" "Where do you think you're going?" "Nobody may come in!" "The boss doesn't welcome anybody." "You see, gentlemen, I have something for Mr. Krantz, something very important." "Don't tell stories." "The boss is busy!" "Could you hold this for a minute?" "May I?" "Please." "Thank you very much!" "Gertrud!" "What's that strange smell?" "Chloroform!" "Be good, Mr. Krantz." "I often cut myself while shaving." "My hands are so shaky." "Who are you?" "How did you get in here?" "Two things that are absolutely not important." "I know that you have machine guns up for sale." "And I came here to bargain." "If I were you, I wouldn't even try to reach for the gun." "I would definitely be way quicker with the razor." "That's outrageous!" "Are you crazy?" "What's this story about machine guns?" "I'm selling agricultural machines!" "Just as you like, Mr. Krantz." "What you're waiting for, won't arrive, that's for sure." "Because I have it, at the moment." "I don't understand a word of what you're talking about." "And now, get lost or I'll call my men!" "I'm afraid, you will have to call real loud, Mr. Krantz." "If you change your mind, you'll find me in the hotel." "Okay?" "I'm negotiating this issue in the name of General Ramirez." "I hope, you didn't hide your weapons too far from here." "I'm in a hurry to get away from here." "Good night." "Yes, Mister." "I said a monastery, you understand?" "A house of the Lord where I can spend the night." " I'm afraid no, Miss." " Sister, please." "Ah, sure, sister." "But I'm telling you, there's no such thing in Yucca." " Listen, sister..." " Yes." "I could acommodate you in my house." "I'm a godly man and go to church every Sunday." " Gluk!" " Don't interfere." "So you agree, sister?" "Heaven will reward you, Mister." " Shall we go?" " Would you hold this for a second?" "But why, Mister?" "Sister, the next church is in El Paso." "Does this guy look like he walks 30 miles each Sunday to save his soul?" " Well..." "My bag, please, my friend." "And a room for her, next to mine." "You better lock the door." "So I can hear if anybody tries to get in." "Hey, Mister!" "Mister!" "Nobody there?" "He would be the first one who pays in advance and then disappears." "Yes?" "You see, I..." "There's a visitor, Mister, there, down there, for... for you." "Don't tell me it's Mr. Krantz!" "Well... yes, exactly." "And where is this Krantz?" "Maybe you dreamed that up?" "Lmpossible!" "He was there a minute ago." "I've seen him with my own eyes." "You shouldn't drink with an empty stomach, grandpa." "Freeze, bastard!" "Not very polite towards my mother, Sheriff." "Hands up." "Do you have some other guns?" " There's still my machine gun..." " Silence!" "Don't play the funnyman!" "Okay, I won't play." "Would you tell me what the allegation is?" "You're asking me, bugger?" "You massacred a whole bunch of christian people in the monastery of Morelos!" " Morelos?" "Never heard of it." "Is that him?" "Yes, that's him." "I'm recognizing him." "I'm afraid, it'll be a little cramped - for me and the bedbugs." "Be patient, it's only for tonight." "I understand, as usual, you made another slip up and you will release me again tomorrow." "No." "Tomorrow, you'll hang." "But, Sheriff..." "Is that supposed to be funny?" "Seems like you have something against me personally!" "Against you?" "Not in my dreams." "Look, last month, a little filthy bastard robbed our bank and then escaped across the border." "My Mexican colleague, a two-fisted professional was kind enough to hang him for me." "How could I not repay his favor now?" " Ah yes, that really convinces me." " Sheriff!" " Sheriff, brawl in Davis' saloon." " I'm coming." "Come on, quick!" " Hey, don't hustle!" " Move it, you troublemaker!" "A night out in the cold will cool you down." " I want my lawyer!" " I'm sure, he's even more drunk than you." "I'm not previously convicted!" "When has it become a misdemeanor to have half a glass?" "Shut up and move!" "Come on!" "I like that cell, Sheriff, I'll take it!" " Bring me my coffee at 8 o'clock!" " For me, too!" "Be blessed, brothers." "How come you're that far from the monastery?" "What's going on in here?" "The boys argued about the bed but now they're napping like two little angels." "Bill!" "The sister was kidnapped in the hotel!" " Who's sister?" " A preacherwoman, idiot!" "We have to catch them before they pass the border, come on!" "What are you doing?" "Hurry up, or they'll escape!" "Yeah, and this one's gone already..." "Idiot!" "They're fake!" "All fake!" "But how is that possible?" "That's the bag that was in the coach!" "The coach was only a bait for them fools!" "Somebody else got the real jewels." " This son of..." " No!" "I believe, he's looking for them, just like us." "He only came to me to find out if I got them already." "Maybe it was a mistake to trust you, you bandit." "Slow down with your compliments, Mr. Krantz." "You don't really have a clean record either." "And the government knows that, too." "Let's not argue." "The most important thing right now is to find the ambassador of Maximilian and to get the jewels from him." "Without giving him the weapons, of course." "Why don't we play the same game with General Ramirez?" "With him, it won't be as it was with Mendoza." "Even this tramp could get hold of a little gold." "Yes, but that's just peanuts." "I want the jewels in my hands!" "Unless the sister..." "What if she is the real ambassador of Maximilian?" "I had her taken to the monastery." "My people know how to make her talk." "It would be better for you if you were honest with us, sis." "Look, I'm not really that patient..." " So?" "Will you make a decision?" " I don't know anything." "In the name of Heaven, what do you want to do with me?" "Alright, if you don't want to tell me you'll tell my friend Tom." " Hey Sentenza!" "Bring him here!" " Yes, I'm going." "Don't you think that Slim and Penny Boy look like real bigots in those cowls?" "There!" "Try that one more time..." " Hey chief!" " Who, me?" "Yes, who else?" "Yes, so?" "Who do you want to make giggle around here?" "You and your stupid jokes!" "You and your butthead!" "You can go now." "Ah, so you're out for war!" "There!" "Seems like the sun dried out his brain." "Then put a hat on!" "If he wants something from me, he got it." "Those jokes are exactly what I need after cooking for all the other pigs." "How did it ever come that far that I got envolved with such a ragtag?" "You see, sis, Tommy doesn't like being locked up." "You know, a scorpion is quite good for a while but then he gets angry." "You'd better talk." "You gluttons, take that, I'm nervous already!" " Choke on this!" " Hey, leave some for me, too." " It's there for everyone." " Well, come on." "And don't make a mess, there's a lady present." "Where were we, sis?" "Ah yeah, you just can't talk with that little creature." "He wants to get out and has to sting you in your pretty face for that - ...and his poison has no mercy." "Hey, what kind of muck is that?" " All blessed by the church." " You should get your head kicked in!" " What the hell did you put into it?" " This is good for pigs at best!" "What have you done again, Slim?" "Just try it!" "You can't eat that!" " What's in it?" " A cow!" " Cow shit maybe!" " Yes, you should eat that!" "I really had enough now!" " Damn!" " He's really getting excited!" "He should eat it himself!" "You know what?" "The lucky devils will die immediately." "And the others will be paralized for the rest of their lifes." "So?" "Are you that keen on dying so unpretty?" "He's not one to be fooled with!" "You better be clever." "Tell me where the jewels are." "I don't know anything about it." "May God have mercy on your soul." "Plummer, Sentenza!" "Have a look at what's going on there." " Help!" " Take us down!" "Take us down!" "Where are you running?" " Are you getting sick from the food?" " Got a sensitive stomach, huh?" "Don't hold yourself back." "You have to do what you have to do." "Slocum!" " Somebody invaded the courtyard!" " Hey!" "Gentlemen!" "When you've finished eating, you better get the hell out of here." "I don't want to hold you back." "When you notice it, it will always be too late." " What was in that hotpot?" " Why, wasn't it good?" " Show up, you scum!" " I'd love to!" "Look here, Slocum!" "Look, at the window!" "Where did that bastard hide?" " He can't be far, look for him!" " Hey, gentlemen, could I..." "Could I ask you something?" "I wanted to say..." "does anybody have some fire?" " Maybe a little too much!" " He's out there!" "Hurry!" "Hey gentlemen!" "Didn't you catch that strange aftertaste of your nice soup?" "I put some little evacuant in it." "It should do its job quite soon." "The vet guaranteed me that!" "It always works with his donkeys." "The poor donkeys!" "What a belly ache!" "Hey gentlemen!" "I've got something for you!" "I can't take it anymore!" "Come back immediately, bastards!" " What are you doing?" " Hey gentlemen!" "This way!" " I'm going." " Me, too." "Stay here, you traitors!" "What a bad belly ache, Slocum." "You know what?" "You should take an evacuant once." "Not that way!" "Last door on the right!" "Alone at last, sister." "What's up, sister?" "Don't you like it here?" "Now don't tell me that it was more comfortable in Morelos." "After all, there are no scorpions around." "Because they are way too afraid of the rattlesnakes." "It could be even more uncomfortable in hell." "Ah yes..." "Does a sister who bears a false witness, go straight to hell?" "In the name of Heaven, what do you want to do to me?" "The same thing that you did, I'd say." "Actually, I'm being hanged in Yucca right now." "Hungry?" "The accusation was made up, but the reason was good:" "A certain bag full of jewels." "You recognized it in the hotel, of course, or you already knew about its existence." "I'm thirsty." "I've actually been wondering why a sister runs after a bag of jewels." "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's stuff." "My thirst is killing me." "But maybe you don't even want them for yourself." "For whom are you working, sister?" "For Heaven or for Maximilian?" "It might be better if I tell you everything." " May I have something to drink?" " There's no hurry with that." "Talk!" "I had the mission to travel to the United States." "That's better." "To do what?" "To save an extremely valuable treasure that's absolutely priceless:" "The relic of the Holy Josepha." "No, no, we're not getting anywhere like this." "Maybe General Ramirez was right." " And who is that General Ramirez?" " You really don't know him?" "General Ramirez found out that one of Maximilians secret agents would make sure that the jewels get to their destination." "Nobody would suspect a nun." "Except for the devil of course." "And me, maybe." " I want to take a look at this relic." " Don't touch that casket!" "Don't do it, Mister!" "In the name of Heaven, don't do it!" "That would be a sacrilege!" "No!" "I'm conjuring you!" "Well, fine." "The key." "I'm carrying it with me." "You wouldn't dare taking it, would you?" "Don't do it!" "There's someone behind you!" "That trick is geriateric, sister." "Bastard!" "You'll pay for that!" "You let them snap them up in front of your face!" "Don't try that again!" "Leave him alone." "They ambushed us!" " That's right." "And they were many!" " Idiots!" "You didn't even make her talk!" "I frisked her completely, but she didn't have anything with her!" " Not even in her casket." " What casket?" "Talk, dog!" "The one she's got on her donkey." "There was nothing in it." " I opened it!" " And did you also smash it to pieces?" "Did you check if it has a fake bottom?" "No, right?" "Quick, you bunch of idiots!" "On the horses!" "I have two good reasons to have you shot." "I was searching for the bandit who robbed a certain coach." "And for the one who saved that pig Ramirez - ...and I found them both!" "Damned gringo bastard, son of a..." " Excuse me, sister." " That's a forgivable sin." "But now I ask you to allow me to continue with my journey." "Of course, sister." "I'll even give you a proper escort to save you from more unpleasant encounters." " You two!" "On the horses, quick!" " Thanks, Colonel." " Captain." " Have faith in the Lord." "After this brilliant mission, they will make you Colonel, no doubt about it." "Please." "One more thing, Captain..." "Forgive this poor sinner, if you can." "Forgiving him, sister?" "If he won't tell me where he hid the jewels I'll do things to him that I can't even tell at confession." "Have mercy, I'm begging you." "That's enough, gringo!" "Do you know what I'll do to you, if you don't talk?" "I'll tie you up like a pig." "I'll put an apple in your mouth and roast you on small flame!" "You there!" "Tie him up!" "My friend, General Ramirez, will get pretty angry, Captain." "Not to mention how angry I'll get." "And now they torture him, my General!" "He's a brave gringo, he will know how to die like a man." "Mother of God!" "But you got him into this mess, you coward of a General!" " We must free him!" " Men pass away." "But the revolution stays!" "It's more important to find that nun!" "Why do you think this gringo was on her heels?" " Yes, why?" " You still don't get it?" "The coach was only a bait for those fools!" "Somebody else had the real jewels:" "The sister!" "I told you, you shouldn't make me angry." "Ah yeah..." "I'm afraid, they won't make you a Colonel, after all." "But if you're lucky, they'll just disrate you to Corporal." "We better stop here, sister." " It's not clever to travel by night." " But..." "I'm in a hurry to get to the monastery!" " Please..." " The horses are tired." "And we are too, sister." "You see, how idyllic it is here?" "What would you say if we had a little fun before we take her to Fortune?" "Don't be an idiot!" "There are no jewels in here!" "And if we touch that sister, Fortune will surely tear us apart." "Just think about it, Jackdawn." "We just tell them, those two soldiers did it." " What do you think about that?" " I'm in." "No!" "Don't touch me!" "Well, well, what a bad behavior." "It would be better if you were good, you know?" "Nobody will save you." "Not even your guardian angel." " Did you hear that?" " Sounds like the Degheio." "The melody of death." "And who are you?" "Where did he come from?" "Look at him..." "the way he dressed up!" "If you ask me, he ran off a circus." "Hey, strawhead!" "You happen to own a tongue?" "Now what?" "He only has this ridiculous guitar!" "There, take it!" "That's for the lovely ditty you played for us." "No, that's not enough, Ross!" "Can't you see his disappointed look?" "And now tell us your name - ...or what else should we chisel on your tombstone?" "Strawhead?" "Grand duke Alexej Vissiarionovitsch Koprvodkin." "Cossak Colonel of the imperial guard Boiar of Belarus and Patron of Alaska." "For you and for this sister." "Have no fear, white dove." "You see?" "The vultures shed their feathers." " May Heaven reward you, Mister." " Your Highness." "Just call me your Highness." "Or protector of faith, like your sisters in faith of our monastery of Our Holy Virgin of Kazan, in Kiev." "My family enjoyed this privilege for more than 800 years." "Don't you think you're a little far from home, your Highness?" "Borders don't exist for someone like me, who left power and wealth behind for the search of honor and glory." "And concerning the search - ...these vultures were looking for something in your possession." "This possession has only value for a person of faith, your Highness:" "It's a relic." "A relic?" "Where I come from, they say:" ""A relic is a piece of spirituality."" "But I was talking about something more profane." " Jewels for example." " What?" "You, too?" "Who else is looking for them?" "A certain Halleluja, the General Ramirez and also, oh yes:" "The soldiers of Maximilian." "His Majesty Maximilian, Emperor of Mexico whom I have the honor to represent has all reasons to desire these jewels!" "They are his." " General Ramirez..." " Please, sister." "My stomach is crunching by even hearing the name of this peasant who calls himself a revolutionist." "This filthy bandit!" "This heinous traitor!" " This son of a..." " The General Ramirez..." "That's enough, sister!" "Do you really think I'm worried about this ugly dog?" "He'll never find out where the jewels are." "I told you that General Ramirez is here." "Wait, sister!" " Hey sister, your relic!" " Go with God!" " The relic!" "She forgot it!" " As if relic, priest!" "We better take care of that guy in there." "Shouldn't we rather return to the village immediately?" "But with him!" "This peasant of a revolutionist!" "This dirty bandit!" "This son of a..." " Dog!" " Dog!" "He knows a lot of methods to make you talk." "But you don't want to..." " He's naked, totally naked!" "Let me see!" " What are you doing here?" "Get lost!" " What a scandal!" " Get the hell away from here!" " There's nothing to see!" " What are you doing here?" " Go home, immediately!" " Shame on you!" "We'll talk about that later!" "Go!" "Go!" "Get up, move!" "You impudent people!" "I'm protesting!" "I'm protesting vehemently!" "How can you dare to bare a grand duke in front of a bunch of peasant slaves?" "You can keep that to yourself, your Highness!" "The worst for you is still to come." " Did you find something?" " Nothing, my General." "In holy Russia I'm famous for my generosity, thief." " I'm offering you an opportunity." " Fine!" "We're all ears!" "Free me and I'll appoint you knight of the holy Kyrillus and Metodius." "What I just told the sister about the jewels was just a little joke, by the way." " And you swallowed it." " I didn't swallow anything!" "If someone has to swallow something, it's you!" "You're a vulture, General!" "He's also a christian, at least, I believe so." "Stop it, priest!" "I'll let him burst like a frog if he doesn't tell me where the jewels are." "Stop that!" "Well, your Highness..." "Dirty reactionist!" "Go ahead!" "Go ahead!" "I'll show you!" " Hey!" "Manolo!" "Manolo!" " He snuffed it!" "Hey, wake up!" "Wake up!" "Wake up!" "Damn it!" "And who's going to report this to the General?" " What the hell is going on?" " Looks like he's dead." " I'll go and get the General." " Wait!" "He'll have us shot, at least!" "You unlucky monkeys!" "He did tell you to do it slowly." "We stuck exactly to his instructions:" " A bucket of water, every ten minutes." " Silence!" "You better help me to untie him, come on!" "Let's turn him around!" "Push!" "One..." "Two..." "Look!" "He's alive!" "But what's wrong with him?" "Mother of God!" "He's gone mad!" " Stand still, gringo!" " No!" "Killing loonies brings bad luck!" "What are you doing here?" "Go and load up the goods!" "I see, you're pretty much in a hurry, Mr. Krantz." "Or rather Mr. Johnson, as you called yourself in Colorado?" "Just to remind you, when you sold guns to the redskins." "I'm taking this with me." "And now we'll talk about a certain person you shot in the laundry." "And why you did it..." "Very good, Gertrude." "You two!" "Fast!" "You know what you're supposed to do with her." "Move!" "We have no time to lose." "Excuse me, Mister, I didn't see you coming in." "And neither coming out..." "out of jail, I mean." "I came to pay the bill, my friend." "There was no hurry." "My memory!" "I totally forgot, a telegram arrived for you." "Here." " Bad news, Mister?" " Quite the contrary." "You arrived just in time." "Thank God!" "I received the telegram." "Where are they?" "Over there." "Come on, quick." "There's nothing in here." "The good Mr. Krantz." "He made them disappear!" "What do you mean, he made them disappear?" "Aren't the jewels supposed to be here?" "The jewels?" "Oh no!" "No!" "The machine guns!" "I don't want to be indiscreet, but where are the jewels?" "Ah, them!" "Mr. Krantz got them." "Even though, he doesn't know it yet." "What's this?" "Who's that?" "What happened?" " Boys!" "Hey boys, come here!" " What's up?" "This damned snoop is in here!" "Let's go!" "We have to find him!" "Quick, here!" "Look everywhere!" "He mustn't escape!" " Come with me!" "Go!" "Go!" " Run!" "Slim, with me!" "Come on!" "Get up!" "Let's go this way!" "Over there!" "So you're not offended, even though I played this little trick on you?" "Of course not, what do you think?" "There he is!" "Damn, what a hammer!" "There!" "There you go, the towel." "Yankee, where are the jewels?" "I have no time to lose, answer." "Ah, what a fancy dress!" "But who are you?" "Pardon me?" "I'm in a conversation." "You don't know who you have the honor to meet?" "I'm grand duke Alexej Vissiarionovitsch Koprvodkin." "Cossak Colonel of the imperial guard Boiar of Belarus and Patron of Alaska." "Never heard of it." "They call you Halleluja, don't they, peasant?" " That's what they say, Cossak." " "Your Highness" for you." "Just a moment." "Have you already found what you were looking for?" "Do you think I'd still be here, if I had found it?" "Hey you!" "Shut up!" "Who guarantees me that you're telling the truth?" "Absolutely nobody." " Come on!" "Let's teach them a lesson!" " Peasant slaves." " Come on, help me a little." " Even a little more." "Now you will pay, bastard!" "Thanks!" "I'm losing my patience." "Give me the jewels!" "But how shall I tell you?" "If I had them, I wouldn't be here." "There are these dogs!" "Let's go!" "Now what?" "Push!" "Let me pass!" "What did you come here for?" "I wanted to get my shorts washed." "Don't get sassy!" "Back in holy Russia, I killed for less!" "Good grace, you must be one terrible man, Cossak!" " Don't call me Cossak!" " As you wish, Cossak." "Now listen to me, you're working for Maximilian and I'm working for Ramirez." "Clear so far?" "I don't know how much they offered you but what they offered me wasn't enough." "I want it all!" "Go on, Yankee." "Look, if a Yankee and a Cossak would team up they could take the whole world for a ride." "That means?" "That means, I have a suggestion..." " You're really the son of a..." " That's enough, peasant!" "I don't make deals with you!" "In my country they say:" ""The eagle doesn't ally with the crow!"" "Listen, eagle, come back down to earth." "I told you where the jewels are." " But I could never get them alone." " It disgusts me to bargain with a Yankee!" "If it's bothering you so much, I'll do it!" " Is fifty-fifty okay?" " No, peasant!" "You're talking to Vissiarionovitsch Koprvodkin I'll never betray my Emperor." "But I'll make you a large-hearted offer:" "Leave and I won't kill you!" "I'm gone, Cossak." "I'm making one last suggestion:" "Head or tails?" "Head:" "I'll kill you." "Tails:" "You're dead." "Hey, your Highness!" "Stay where you are!" "Mr. Krantz wants to talk to you." "Won't you hurry up, you bastards!" "These Mexican tramps could be here any minute!" "That also applies to you, Slocum!" " We're nearly done, Fortune!" " Nearly done, your mama!" " Hurry up!" " Come on, move!" "Otherwise, they'll suprise us." "Jack, have them bring us some more guns!" "Alright, Fortune." "You others down there, you better hide!" "Everything goes well out there." "The party can begin." "I've sent for General Ramirez." "He thinks, he comes here to buy some machine guns but he'll just get some bullets in the belly." "You see, he can hardly pay me." "So I'll take that bit of gold he has as expenses and sell the guns to Maximilian." "I'm sorry that you'll lose a friend that way but business is business." "He's not my friend, he left me in the shit." "You're even deeper in it now." "At least, if you don't tell me where you hid the jewels." "You have them already, right in front of your nose." "Stop joking around!" "Fine." "Can you give me your word that you'll let me go?" "You have my word." "How could I doubt the word of a man like you?" "Why did you give him your word?" "Quite easy, my dear Fortune." "Because it's worth nothing." "Damn it." "You don't want to tell me that they're hidden in there?" "Well, that... well, that's really astounding." "Well, the world is astounding." "Kill him!" "Can you see that, too?" " That's a ghost!" " That's no ghost, idiot!" "That's fraud!" "Watch it, you fools!" "Shoot!" "Gertrud!" "The other machine guns!" "You two, come with me!" "These boxes." "And move it!" "You don't even have respect towards this robe!" "There's no faith anymore!" "Move, you others." "Quick!" "Quick, the table!" "Go, go!" "Damn!" "Farewell, ammunition!" "Now the fun's over for this bastard!" " Very good, Fortune!" "Now his skin isn't worth a dollar anymore!" "One dollar?" "Not even five cents!" "Five..." "Four..." "Three..." "Two..." "One..." "Zero!" "The door!" "Keep an eye on the door!" "Take cover!" "Quick!" "Get out, bastard!" "I want to shoot you in the face!" "Why not straight into the forehead?" "That was the best shot I've ever seen, Yankee!" "The worst!" "I could have broken free from a partner like you!" "Hey, you two!" "Are you still alive?" "Hello!" "My compliment, I was able to enjoy the whole spectacle." "What is that supposed to mean?" "I've seen everything from the hill up there." "Ah, yeah?" "You're really a huge coward, General!" "Why didn't you come to help us, bandit?" "But why?" "You sorted that out by yourselves just wonderful." "I wouldn't do that if I were you." "If you know a way to keep me from doing it, tell me quick!" "He knows one." "It's alright." "You know that you're a nice guy." "But what the hell do you want from me, gringo?" "You two made this whole mess just for the jewels not to supply me with machine guns." " I owe you shit!" " Yes." "But you brought Krantz the gold." "And to me, you just made a lot of promises, you fraud!" "Promises of jewels which never existed!" " Take them away." " What did you say?" "He has gold." "What are you waiting for to give it to us, bandit?" "That's enough, your Highness!" "What do you want to do with gold?" "You just need a piece of land for your grave!" "I have traitors shot who are working for Maximilian!" "All of them!" "For Maximilian?" "He's working against Maximilian." "Just ask him who has stolen an emerald-diadem from the palace of Mexico City last month." "Unfortunately, it was fake." "The real one was sold already." "Really?" "But then..." " Who the hell are you, your Highness?" " Alexej lvanovic, called "The Claw"." "He's also wanted by the Russian police." "He once kidnapped the private train of the Czar, all on his own." "Damn it!" "So you're an old stager as well!" "Almost as old as you, General." "You're talking and talking, but you still didn't tell me the most important thing:" "Who's paying me?" "Since you're not an idealist:" "Get happy!" " What kind of stuff is this?" " Exchanges of the revolution!" "I've prepared them for Mr. Krantz and..." " Ah, exchanges!" " Yes." "And even signed by you!" "Yeah, you know what I'll do with them?" " At best, I'll wipe my..." " Our ass is saved, General!" "We found 20 machine guns!" "And they're all the latest model!" "And down there was the matron of Mr. Krantz." "She must have received some proper licking." "And pieces of the sister's robe." "Let's hope that nothing happened to her." " I fear not." " You think so?" "Let's not lose time!" "Let's go!" "Gentlemen, I'll go and bring the revolution to an end!" "Make sure that you win, General!" "Yes!" "So you can pay us the exchanges, at least!" "For sure!" "Quite sure!" "Even halfway probable!" " You open it." " No, you." "Alright, together." " A little joke between sisters." " Well..." "Do you think we could still catch up with her?" "In the name of the president of the United States of America I have the honor to bestow the Congress' medal of honor to Lieutnant Donovan, agent of the secret service." "She accomplished her mission with readiness for sacrifice and great devotion to cut off the arms trade with Maximilian's army of Mexico and the deserved punishment for the band of Krantz, who controlled it." "Congratulations, Lieutnant Donovan." "Maybe they even gave her a nice medal." "I can see the big ceremony in highest honors right in front of me." "With a nice speech and a bunch of important people shaking hands." "I understand you too well, Halleluja." "I would have liked that, too." "But that's just not meant for people like us." "Well." "But one day, a medal should also be given to us." "It also must be very interesting to work for the government." "But you won't really get rich from that." "I heard that before." "I guess, you'd have to work in the cabinet for that." "True words, Yankee." "And they don't have to almost kill themselves like the two of us, my friend!" "But still a good idea:" "To hide the real jewels inside the fake ones!" "Everybody fell for that hook." "Except for us two..." "of course." "What did I tell you?" "If a Yankee and a Cossak would team up they could take the whole world for a ride." "THE END"