"♪♪ Fast, lively Flamenco music playing... ♪♪" "♪♪" "El Gato!" "*THE ADVENTURES OF PUSS IN BOOTS* Season 05 Episode 08 Title: "Swine and Roses"" "Get away." "Will you be my Crispintine?" "Mm-hmm." "Ow!" "My back!" "Oh, the doctor told me not to lift anything heavy." "Hmph!" "Did you know that Lord Crispintine's Day is my favorite holiday?" "What's this one for again?" "On Lord Crispintine's Day, we celebrate Lord Crispintine, who slaughtered his own people before being burned alive at the stake." "That's, uh..." "That's really awful." "But did you know that it is nice because we celebrate by giving a rose to someone we really, really, really, really like and asking them to be our Crispintine?" "Flowers!" "And did you know that I am going to ask Toby to be my Crispintine?" "Ew." "Huh?" "Sorry, I meant..." "Ew." "Yeah, I'm not good at lying." "Ew." "I wonder what Toby is doing right now." "♪♪ Funky instrumental music playing... ♪♪" "♪ He's Toby Toby with hooves ♪" "♪ And on Lord Crispintine's Day There's a red rose at play ♪" "♪ But what is over there?" "Sausage ♪" "♪ Sausage ♪" "♪ Toby with hooves ♪" "So, what do you think, Puss?" "What do I think of what?" "My song and dance." "I'm gonna ask Cleevil to be my Crispintine and I want it to be perfect." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Sure, sure." "Yes, yes." "Very sausage." "Sausage." "Very nice, is what I meant to say." "My apologies, Toby." "I am distracted." "You see, I too have a Crispintine in mind." "Ooh." "Somebody wants to ask Dulcinea but somebody's got a case of the nervous Nellies." "What?" "Somebody has no Nellies." "Let me make myself clear:" "I am definitely not nervous that presenting a certain special cat lady with a rose may potentially ruin our friendship forever." "In fact, to prove how not nervous I am," "I will ask her to be my Crispintine this very instant." "Oh!" "Hm?" "Uh..." "Hello." "Hello." "Uh..." "Nice day, huh?" "Mm..." "Sure is." "So..." "Well, see ya." " Oh." " Oh." " Oh." " Oh." "Oh." "Okay." "Huh?" "I will ask her, uh, later." "♪ First they burned his body ♪" "♪ Then they burned his eyes ♪" "♪ Then they set fire To his thunder thighs ♪" "Hey, Cleevil." "Oh." "Sorry, Tobes." "Never sneak up on a goblin." "Got it." "Cleevil, as you are aware, this is Lord Crispintine's Day." "Ugh!" "Dumbest day ever, am I right?" "I mean, it's got some cool songs about burning stuff, but all the kissey stuff, and the roses..." "Gross." "Yeah, it's so gross and dumb." "Uh..." "Sausage!" "Toby, did..." "Did you know that I want you to be my Crispintine?" "♪♪ Melancholic instrumental music playing... ♪♪" "♪♪" "What was I thinking?" "Cleevil would never be my Crispintine." "She's the coolest and only goblin in town." "And I'm the least cool pig ever in the world anywhere." ""Toby with hooves"?" "More like "Toby with hoove cares."" "Huh?" "Eight-inch, single-pointed, made from... pine." "Uh-huh." "Thought so." "I have an eye for that, being an avid knitter and all." "Wow." "You knit, too?" "Of course." "All the cool kids do it." "You..." "You think I'm cool?" "I don't know." "Maybe." "Sure." "Why not?" "Say, what's your name, pine needles?" "Oh, I'm Toby." "Meh." "I prefer Tobias." "Okay." "I'm digging your general vibe and aura, Tobias." "There's some people I want you to meet." "Whoa!" "Meet the Tiny Toughs." "I'm Blueberry." "I'm Raspberry." "I'm Boysenberry." "Tom. 'Sup?" "So, Tobias, you're pretty cool." "We could use a cool local to help us..." "Wow." "He called me cool." "I've never been called cool before." "Could these guys be my new best friends?" "Could this be a whole new life for me?" "Why am I echoing?" "Will you help us?" "Sorry, what?" "Will you help us?" "Oh, yeah." "Sure." "Anything for my cool friends who think I'm cool." " All right, Tobias." " 'Sup?" "Yay for friendship." "I'm okay." "Would you be my Crispintine?" "No." "Boring." "You are the crisp of my tine." "No, no." "Too strange." "I have a rose with tu nombre on it." " You do?" " Huh?" "No." "It's okay." "You can have a rose with my name on it." "It is just not the same." "And stay out." "Dulcinea, I did not see you there, for I was busy thwarting evil." "Good one." "Well, Puss, I..." "And there's a cobblestone, and there's a cobblestone, and there's a cobblestone." "And to your left are cats." "One of whom is my best friend, Puss in Boots." " I read that cats are the new dogs." " What?" "Cats are emphatically not dogs." "Toby, who are these small misinformed flying people?" "Oh." "They're my new imp friends." "Meet Blueberry, Boysenberry, Raspberry, and Tom." "'Sup?" "Say, Toby, what more do you know about your new imp friends?" "Oh." "They're cool knitters." "Like me." "Knitters?" "Knitters have... yarn." "These imps are clearly harmless." "Carry on." "And that's Artephius's shop." "It's where we keep all the explosions." "Explosions, eh?" "Very interesting." "Hmm." "Hang on." "What kind of sausages are those?" " Are they artisanal?" "Pasture-raised?" " I don't know." "I just go to the Thieves' Market and shovel them off the meat heap." "Unclean." "No, no, no." "Not my meats!" "Hey." "What are you guys doing?" "This is the life of a Tiny Tough." "Fighting for handmade, locally-sourced products with an air of smug superiority." " Toby." "Did you do this?" " Huh?" "I..." "I..." "I..." "Destruction of property." "Pretty cool." "Whoa." "Cleevil just said I was cool." "So, will you help us in our fight?" "For something-something smug superiority?" "I don't know." "Hey, we thought you were cool, but we're starting to wonder." "No." "I'm cool." "I'm cool." "I'll help." " Whatever it is, I'll help with it." " Because I'm so cool!" "Dulcinea." "Oh, my gosh." "You scared me." "Hi." "Yes." "Hi." "Hello." "Oh." "Um, I just can't stop fretting about those imps." "I'm certain they're up to no good." "Please." "They are tiny and adorable and harmless." "Plus, yarn." "Harmless?" "Oh, Eames." "What happened?" "Uh..." "The imps attacked me because my sausages aren't artisanal enough." "Sausage." "Get your sausage." "So they are a little hot under the collar." "But our piggy friend has a good heart." "They will never, ever corrupt Toby." "'Sup, felines?" "What?" "Uh..." "Whoa!" "The name is Tobias." "Did you know that mustache is very distinguished?" "It's true." "I think he's adorable." "Are these apples cage-free?" "Unclean sausages." "Huh?" "Hey." "You, with the apple smashings..." "No." "Cool it, slank." "We were just fooling around." "Come on, guys." "Hey, Tobias." "Nice 'stache." "You think so?" "I mean..." "Whatever." "I've been meaning to ask you something all day." "You wanna get out of here?" "Eh, why not?" "Oh, that's it!" "Those imps have crossed a line." "The facial hair, the sass talk, the rose-smurshing." "Toby is officially not allowed to hang out with them." "Wait." "Forbidding a rebellious youth to do something will only make him want to do it more." "No." "I will speak to these imps." "Since I am cool, they will admire and respect me and likely name me their leader." "Hey!" "Nice face, guy." "Oh, thank you." "I was being ironic." "What does "ironic" mean?" " Basically, it's lying, I guess." " Huh?" "Lying to make you feel stupid." "Well, that's mean." "Why would you..." "What's wrong, Tobias?" "You're not going soft on us, are you?" "I've always been kind of soft." "Good." "Make fun of her." "Vina?" "But she's..." "She's my friend." "No, we're your friends." "And your friends say to make fun her." "That's how cool works." "Go on." "Go on." "You know you want to." " Come on." " Do it." "Do it." "Or you're not a Tiny Tough." "Hey, Toby." "Did you know that it is good to see you?" "Uh..." "Well, did you know that you're something, something, something?" " Whoa." " Gotcha." "Yeah, Tobias." "Howdy, fellow cool people." "Boy." "What a day, eh?" "Ha!" "Nice hat, guy." "Oh." "Berry-flavor, you seem to have..." "Whoa!" "Whoops." "Yes. "Whoops," indeed." "Listen, I'm going to need you to stop spending time with Toby, okay?" "He is young, impressionable, and..." "Full of gas." "But if you need another bad boy to add to your crew, look no further." "I don't see another bad boy." "Still?" "No?" "Tough loss, applesauce." "The Tiny Toughs have got to stay fresh and Tobias here is more current than pickled kale." "Ah!" "Yes, yes." "I did not understand those words." "Of course you didn't, old man." "How dare you?" "Toby, I forbid you to hang out with them." "What?" "No." "Toby, we have come to a critical juncture." "I demand that you choose between San Lorenzo and these impious imps." "Uh..." "Uh..." "I choose... the Tiny Toughs." " Yeah." " Tobias." "Ha-ha." "All right." "Let's ride." "♪♪ Melancholic instrumental music playing..." "I am... old?" "That was so sick." "Remember the part where Tobias turned on the town full of people who loved him to hang out with a group of relative strangers?" "Yep." "Sure was a thing I just did." "Anyway, all those losers are gonna be so shocked when we roll in and destroy their town." "We're destroying what now?" "San Lorenzo, remember?" "We told you, and you said, "Okay."" "Uh..." "No?" "Think harder." "So, Tobias, you're pretty cool." "We could use a cool local to help us with this thing we're doing, destroying San Lorenzo, on the orders of our evil master in the Netherworld, the Blind King." "Tobias, what have you done?" "Are you with us or against us?" "Uh, what are you gonna do if I say against?" "Let me go." "I won't let you destroy San Lorenzo." "Also, wow." "This rope is so soft." "And it's 50 percent post-consumer materials." "Sorry, Tobias, we can't let you get in our way, so we're leaving you here to get eaten by wolves." "Have fun going through a wolf and coming out fertilizer." "Imps out!" "This is an outrage." "Something must be done." "You're right." "We need to rescue Toby from those tiny turds." "Oh, sorry." "What?" "No, I am talking about my image." "Those imps called me... "old man."" "I need a makeover at once." "Hey." "Hey." "Focus." "Who knows what those imps are planning?" "If I had to guess, I'd say total destruction." "Oh!" "Yah!" "Where is my Toby?" "If you touched one hair on his chinny-chin-chin..." "I didn't, but the wolves in the forest about 20 minutes in that direction will." "That was a very geographically-specific taunt." "Whoa!" "Ay." "Toby." "♪ He's Toby Toby with hooves ♪" "♪ He's getting colder now ♪" "♪ He's going to be wolf chow ♪" "Vina." "How'd you find me, and did you like my song?" "It does not matter." "And yes." "Did you know that the imps are attacking San Lorenzo right now?" "I know." "It turns out they were just meanies." "And hanging out with them turned me into one, too." "I'm sorry I was mean to you." "Friends?" "Friends." "Okay." "Okay, we have to... save town and..." "Mm." "This is both humiliating and painful." "Blueberry." "I challenge you to a knit-off!" "You're on." "Let's knit." " A what now?" " A knit-off." "It's the biggest challenge you can throw down in the imp world." "Like a cute knife fight." "♪♪ Thrilling music playing... ♪♪" "'Sup?" "♪♪" "And... knit!" "♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪" "Time's up." " Yes." " Hm?" "'Sup?" "Toby won." " What?" " What?" "Huh?" "Did you know that Toby is a winner?" "Vina!" "Toby!" "Vina!" "Toby!" " I wanted to ask you if you..." " Yes." "I will be your Crispintine." "Uh..." "No." "I just wanted to see if you wanted to get sausages later." "Okay." "You have lost your knitting duel, imp." "It is time for you to leave this town and never return." "You're forgetting something." "Bad boys don't play by the rules." "Attack." "Again." "Huh?" "You know who else doesn't play by the rules?" "Toby." "Or..." "Or Tobias." "Whichever one I am now." "Any last words, imps?" "Such as, "You are really cool after all, Puss"?" "This isn't over." "We were sent here by the Blind King." "The who?" "The Blind King." "He's the most powerful being in the Netherworld." "He has decreed that he will destroy San Lorenzo and conquer this world." "And nothing will stop him." "Oh, well, I am very scared of your Blind King." "Not." "That was irony." "You're doing that wrong." "Perhaps." "But I can do this right." "Puss, Artephius said no one should go through the portal that way." "It's only supposed to work in the Netherworld-to-here direction." "We don't know what it could do." "Pfft." "What is the worst that could happen?" "It may have destroyed them." "Or it may have made them more powerful." "Oh, well, that was probably a mistake then." "Perhaps I should not make decisions when I am excited." "It looks like the sun is setting on Lord Crispintine's day." "And before it does," "I wanted to ask you a really, very, really important question..." "Will you be my Crispintine?" " I..." " Oh, gosh." "Oh." "That came out so loud." "I've been trying to work up the nerve to ask you all day, but..." "So have I." "♪♪ Fast, lively Flamenco music playing... ♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪" "♪♪"