"in this building, there is a head office of one big italian company." "economic depression and sky-high inflation caused that.." "..white collar workers got to be unusualy, unbelievably,sometimes even unhealthy hard working and bussy." "Citesc numele in ordine." "Repet,numele in ordine!" "Arinni Jennovessi" "Atsarrita Atanassio" "Fantecce" "Adaramente" "Fanttapie" "Vanderri" "Castelacci" "Fantinni Borgessio" "Rucciani" "noapte buna!" "noapte buna!" "FANTOZZI" "ahh... ce faceti domnule contabil?" "sunteti bine?" "ce?" "..asteapta..ceasul meu!" "oh good it's fine but Im not sure If I am my knees are kinda..." "Im so sorry." "that is okay!" "here You go good woman -what do You mean?" "Im sorry Pina I didnt recognize U somehow, it was a joke." "a joke?" "what are You doing here actually?" "I came for You We could go see a movie or just go for a walk." "yeah righ,see a movie and today are You crazy or what?" "we are going home!" "get in the car.. hurry up!" "hurry up or I will miss it!" "as well as Fantozzi, all men were in the hurry to get home." "there is a spot!" "it's mine,do You hear it's mine!" "good evening Mr.accountant." ""excuse me" "ohh Im sorry" -"it's okay"" "This is only way." "I will take it through the roof alrigh !" "excuse me -good bye so good bye and have a good time." "Come on Pinna!" "Where are the keys?" ",where the hell are the keys?" "Excuse me madam." "What is wrong with You !" "Give me the keys for gods sake!" "Right away." "So where are they?" "Let me see." "I will open it myself !" "it should have been ready all along." "What the hell Which one is it?" "Why don't You mark it with some color or something?" "ooaahhhh..... it's Mariangella, our daughter." "aha, it was just a joke for our babygirl." "I waxed the floor!" "so say it in time!" "where is it?" "where did You put it?" "it was always here so where is it?" "ahhhh... so" "Fantozzi, like many others, had a problem with new deadly enemy" "He got addicted to TV remote-control" "During one horrible abstinence crisis he even accomplish the house record." "380 switch-overs in just 26 second." "I'm sick of it!" "don't touch it!" "I will throw it out of window!" "I will kill You!" "I'd rather be dead than this." "Should I bring this back to them?" "Give it to me!" "let me see!" "At certain night time everything goes aside." "the critical moment is coming on the broadcast of the porno shows with names like" "No Entrance, Strictly forbbiden show, Horoscope or Super Porno Show." "wait wait.." "more come on nicely be a good come on" "I am here yeah that's it that's a awesome so take it off!" "take it off!" "this is it!" "this is it!" "yeah" "come on !" "so come on !" "You are driving me crazy !" "come on !" "come on!" "take off your panties !" "take it off !" "Ugo !" "Pinna No" "I don't want You to.." "..think that.." "..I and this woman are..." "WHO IS IT ?" "Pinna, I just finish my night prayer with this young priest he can realy talk" "I'm watching him several nights and believe it or not.." "this young priest He is really.." "..really.." "I dont really know what or why!" "but He can do real miracles !" "Pinna, listen.." "tonight I feel such a fire in myself" "If You want me, do You know what I will do ?" "I will peel You like onion !" "Pinna yes !" "No, No don't be in a hurry yet !" "how come It's not working again ?" "it's not working again !" "For the accountant Fantozzi and his colleagues, one of the most tragical events of their lives happened to be 1 week vacation on mountains." "They have applied for it in September already, but haven't had their turn untill the May,the next year." "so, at the beginning of summer !" "Fantocci is missing !" "where is he ?" "he's probably still in bed." "but the train is leaving in 1 minute !" "He's annoying anyways let's go without him." "yes, but he paid for it !" "There he goes !" "all aboard !" "we're finally leaving." "and don't crowd in !" "hey, We're here !" "hurry up !" "What is He doing for god's sake !" "Excuse me where is the sleeping car ?" "Over there, You have to go a front." "here.." "come on !" "hey sir, hurry up !" "get aboard the train is leaving !" "But my friends are over there" "You will find them on the train" "be careful with it." "don't worry and this one too" "I will throw it in myself." "I'm so sorry but I don't feel very much.." "in these boots." "so You made it" "Where were You ?" "It was a odyssey." "believe me." "Watch out !" "I'm sorry I don't feel nothing in these boots." "Easy, easy" "Sorry, that's because those boots." "This train has a restaurant !" "Oh and We will go there I'm starving." "It's closed already." "You will have to get over it." "what ?" "closed ?" "Oh train just has stoped." "hey, hello.." "here.." "can I get one package ?" "Can I help You sir?" "One package please." "10 dolars !" "yes, yes.." "just a second do You have a change for 50 dolar bill ?" "Of course, I'll be righ back !" "Thank You." "and hurry up please I guess the train is about to leave." "So come on and whistle !" "Hello, do You hear me ?" "Give me my money back !" "10 for you 10 for me 10 for you and 20 for me." "It costed him 50 dolars and he found there nice plastic fork plastic knife, toothpick, plastic cup chicken wing also made of plastic and..apple with real worm." "look out -easy" "it's my hand !" "excuse me am I in your way ?" "no we made it it's alright" "in deed, very comfortable if you don't mind I'd like to make myself comfy" "I will wake you up 30 minutes befor Ortisey so don't worry and have a good night sleep." "To have a good night sleep was a problem, because Filliny was snoring like an animal but much bigger problem was.." "that Calbony suffered from digestive disorder medically called.." "ventilacio intestinaris." "oh lord, that's disgusting why don't You go to the bathroom ?" "do You want to kill us all or what ?" "why me ?" "You were braging that You took part in farting competitions." "Me ?" "and when ?" "This is horrible, I can't breathe !" "as a matter of fact would You be so kind and.." "..go outside, and You can stink there as much You want." "get out, get out !" "Go outside, I'm suffocating !" "Such a pig !" "But he was braging about it." "When You're having such problem You should travel alone!" "ok, I'm going, I'm going but why me ?" "it's not fair." "I did't do it !" "it was Calbony !" "Fantocci was taken on grace in the morning when the group transfered on small train to Alps." "Snow !" "That's wonderful" "Snow..!" "Check it out." "Snow !" "We will have a snow battle." "Excuse me Filliny, but where is snow ?" "Mr. Fantocci, we are in Ortisei," "You really think there is snow in Ortisei ?" "now we'll get on the bus that take us where the snow is." "my organization is always perfect." "HERR Filliny, BITTE ?" "what ?" "that's him, right here." "I'm Silvio Filliny." "he's giving You his hand oh well he is not." "You arrived from Italy ?" "What do You mean ?" "this is not Italy here ?" "We are traveling all night didn't You know that We are coming ?" "JA but you Italians, you never know." "is everything alright ?" "Excuse me professor, can we go somewhere where is snow ?" "what am I hearing ?" "Such a stupid question !" "snow is not waiting for Italians !" "in place of snow there will be alternative options, very interesting !" "You can go to the mountain-climbing school or to study the folklore of southern Tyrolia or to lose weight in our famous clinic.." "which is good for Italian mafioso, that eats spaghetti" "SCHNELL !" "but what about skiing ?" "NICHT skiing !" "No exceptions for Italians I said "alternative options" !" "After horrible night of doubts and decision making about alternative option of their vacation the group has decided.." "that they will choose according to their liking and interests." "Calbony, Colccy and Filliny chose the mountain-climbing schooll." "but unfortunately Calbony was given the first position !" "I'm sorry." "Fantocci prommised Pinna that he would lose at least 10 pounds while he is skiing, so he decided to lose some weight." "He became a patient of local super modern clinic to get on the special diet by Professor BURCHERMEIER." "Write it down." "Exactly 290 pounds." "I like it here, it's very nice place and such a friendly atmosphere." "What are you doing ?" ""please give me some food" !" "I'm dieing !" "What is going on ?" "Why ?" "What have I done ?" "Welcome to your new home." "Thank You, thank You Professor Burcher.." "Burcher.." "BURCHERMEIER -yes, yes that's because I dind't have a breakfast yet.." "so how does your diet work ?" "NICHT !" "20 days of total starving !" "No food !" "No beverages !" "What ?" "No food ?" "excuse me Professor Brukomayer what is this toilet for ?" "isn't it kinda useless ?" "After 6 days of therapy Fantocci was totaly exhausted." "So what ?" "mafia, spaghetti black moustache.." "how are You ?" "good." "How long You don't eat any spaghetti ?" "ahh..." "I don't even remember.." "6 days already." "yes 6." "bravissimo" "In order to my therapy is successful You must be strong !" "Yes" "Yes professor." "If You're not strong enough.." "then You will get...." "Look" "to make people strong as I need... every night I invite one of your colleagues to my dinner" "I eat and He watch !" "he watches me eating !" "who touch the food CAPPUT !" "that one wasn't strong enough he was stealing my food right from my plate !" "with no respect !" "And he was punish for it." "it's fair." "Do You want to be my guest tonight ?" "Thank You very much but I have to meet my aunt tonight." "I want to know her name !" "what name ?" "KOMMEN SIE" "Professor ?" "let him in." "Have a seat." "sit down, please !" "where did You sit ?" "where You told me to." "here !" "aha ok." "What are we having today ?" "what are WE having... ohh, that's Bavorian KARBANATKY !" "oh it's a pity that You won't eat." "great food it's delicious !" "4 kinds of meat, ham, cheese, egg.." "Do You remember your colleague who ate ?" "Just a little bit." "like cake !" "dont't You wanna try it ?" "smell it !" "and after We ate a good food.." "we will have some wine.." "Royal wine.." "fron the valley of Rhine" "wine" "I see You !" "You're eating ?" "!" "You eat !" "You eat !" "security !" "security !" "he gluts !" "he gluts !" "he's eating it all !" "Italy." "world's championship." "Every TV is tuned the same channel" "Italy plays against Argentina." "Fantocci is ready !" "armchair with table in front of TV.." "bathrobe size XXL spaghetti is cooking, beer is cold burping is allowed !" "Pinna watch the stove !" "it will be great match we're gonna beat them." "oh jesus.. so much oh well it's for the last time I'll go on diet tomorrow !" "I smell something." "That's my new parfume" ""temptation"" "new parfume ?" "You've never been using that !" "everything has to start somewhere right ?" "what You mean ?" "are You crazy ?" "but that You puting on yourself galons of cologne that's ok ?" "!" "good heavens !" "what is this ?" "I spent 2 hours at hairdresser so shut up !" "tousle your hair immediately so You look like a human being !" "chop - chop !" "what are you doing ?" "are you insane ?" "Ugo I need to tell You something important !" "No, No, You want to tell me the final result of the match ?" "!" "NO , it's something much more important !" "at least for me." "the penalty kick and againts Italy !" "listen to me !" "it's really important !" "HE MISSED !" "Great !" "you suck !" "losers !" "I want to tell You something !" "it's really very important !" "Ugo" "I hope that 5 seconds will be enough." "I fell in love with another man !" "ok,now You told me everything so leave me alone" "I wanna watch the match !" "that's awesome." "in the middle of the second period Fantocci finally got it !" "and You are telling me this like that ?" "what the fuck !" "so You met someone, Pinna !" "You ain't gonna play me !" "do You understand ?" "what are You looking at ?" "I will kill U both !" "I'll kill You and then I'll kill myself !" "I'll kill You, myself... or You know what ?" "I'm just gonna kill myself !" "that's it." "I just want to know who will take care of you ?" "Pinna.." "call the ambulance I stabed myself with fork." "No Ugo please no scenes !" "it's useless !" "I love him !" "I think that.." "..it's definitely over between us." "watch out !" "I waxed the floor !" "Fantocci and his wife was having a furious talk all night." "Fantocci decided to act calmly and civilized." "soon everybody will find out it they will make a fun of me" "I will have to move out and find new friends." "You loser !" "excuse me how did You find out ?" "I just know it !" "good morning dear Mr. Fantocci how are You today ?" "good, good -that's nice." "hopefully, it will stay that way !" "hey Filliny I'm not in the mood for your quips today !" "what's the matter ?" "what's wrong ?" "hey sweetheart don't You wanna buy me coffee ?" "No !" "I'm not paying for nobody !" "You go get your own !" "what happened to him ?" "he's just little nervous." "so let's go." "hello Pinna ?" "so everyone knows it already !" "who is it ?" "I want to know Who is your lover !" "Pinna, I'm going to quit my job !" "hello Pinna." "Pinna.." "damn it !" "Fantocci decided to find it out by his own." "Ugo, I'm leaving." "are You gonna come back ?" "I'm just going to groceries store." "he took 1 day off at work." "waited till Pinna is out, and started searching the house." "he was looking for some hint, letter, picture" "suddenly he became kinda suspicious !" "how can I help You ?" "You remind me Donatela Erekciony beautiful !" "hello how are You doing ?" "so how can I help You today ?" "my lovely lady." "do You want some big rolls?" "nice rolls ?" "or just one really big I'll put it right in your bag." "If You came by in the afternoon.." "I would make special roll !" "only for You !" "that would be really nice of You." "so how about at 5pm ?" "for You..." "special rolls, anytime !" "so that's him !" "Checco.." "nephew of the baker that has store downstairs in the building 26 years old, ugly looking guy with pock-marked face.." "tatoo on his arm and garlic smelling breath !" "dad, You don't watch TV anymore ?" "I'm tired of living !" "You are smoking ?" "yes, and I'm drinking too." "what was that ?" "my tooth !" "where is mom ?" "mom ?" "at baker's !" "as usually !" "it's such a shame." "sit down with your daddy, honey." "You are growing up.." "ah.." "You are here." "if our dear mom leave us eventually... what are we gonna do ?" "don't worry daddy !" "oh..child." "we will stay together our entire life !" "You and I" "Pain was so big that he decided to end with everything !" "he's gonna kill him !" "so ahh..." "I came to talk.." "let's be straight !" "You must explain to me !" "no.." "You must explain !" "You must explain !" "yes, yes." "You must explain to me how..." "to my uncle Atonello !" "aha sorry.." "sorry." "excuse me !" "I'm... who the hell are You ?" "I'm the acountant Fantocci husband of mrs." "Pinna Fantocci." "yes, she made purchses at my store for 700 dolars !" "on credit !" "what is all that bread for ?" "ask your nephew please !" "he's responsible for problems that I and my wife having !" "me ?" "what wife ?" "my wife !" "your wife ?" "yes ohh..so You are that monster colector ?" "it must have been difficult to get it all ?" "I just don't know who is uglier, mother or daughter ?" "everybody is talking only about you !" "when you guys coming home everybody's like..." "Fantocci's, Fantocci's !" "what ?" "at first We thought that she's working in circus." "you have only one chance.." "to make a trip to Lourdes!" "all 3 of you." "take a nice bath over there and wait for miracle !" "so.." "You won't take her away from me ?" "what ?" "maybe garbage men would take her !" "..but first, You would have to put her into garbage can !" "cause , she got beaten with ugly stick !" "thank You thank You." "it's great" "You heard everything, You are my witness !" "he's not taking her away." "what are You talking about ?" "he doesn't understant Who we are talking about !" "don't You have some picture show him the monster !" "You mean, my wife ?" "sure." "let other people have some fun too!" "show us what You are worring so much." "here, we are together." "awesome, great it's relly unique !" "when this happend to woman it's better to hang herself !" "she's good just for entertainment, she could go on some TV show !" "am I right ?" "wow ?" "!" "so laugh !" "she's wonder of nature !" "wait !" "hey, let us keep this picture !" "give it back to me !" "we wanna have some memory for fun we had !" "she likes a long rolls, so here's one for her." "you know what?" "you don't understand women !" "Pinna is beautiful !" "and I don't give damn about your rolls !" "Fantocci !" "thanks." "so, I talked to him." "it was very mature conversation, we explained each other our points of view, he's in love, and he's really crazy about You, he thinks, You are very beautiful and sexy !" "and all his friends too." "surely You know it." "he thinks You are really especial, yes, because.." "he would be able to.." "to give up on You.." "because, he doesn't want to destroy the family !" "I hope You understand me ?" "It's up to You now !" "what are You doing ?" "I made my mind, Ugo." "I'll stay with You !" "because I respect You." "yes.. but You don't love me, do You ?" "help me push the beds together." "and give me the large sheet -right away." "Pinna, I'm so happy it's all over." "at first, It looked like ordinary morning." "but then, the director's office-girl came up with extremely sad news !" "they got him !" "it's for sure !" "director the heritor, he's got measles !" "he was 106 years old, so there was high chance.." "that he's gonna die." "employees has gathered to share their pain together." "Fantocci din't want to take a chance in this case." "hello Mr. Priest." "you know, Mr. chaplain.." "I want to say a mass." "for someone or against somebody ?" "against !" "so I'll be triple !" "30 dolars,and singing 50 dolars !" "a singing ?" "Do You hate him a lot, son ?" "after this personal initiative, there was several shared actions." "for example group prayer in company's dinig room." "their prayers have been answered." "Fantocci arrived the ceremony in deeo sorrow." "Excuse me madam, Do You know where..." "No !" "I understand your sorrow madam..." "What are You doing ?" "Cut it out !" "Let go off me !" "Let go !" "Crazy woman !" "What a hell !" "Stop it !" "Control yourself !" "As a widow, You shouldn't act like this !" "Let go !" "Let go !" "this is him ?" "Who will carry the casket ?" "Me !" "Me too, I wanna carry it also." "Can You see it ?" "What ?" "Do You understand it ?" "What ?" "Something is not right !" "So let's ask someone !" "Ok, I'll ask." "Excuse me, is this funeral of count Vinargeli Bava ?" "No !" "This is husband of Mrs. Ricci." "Did You hear ?" "We might be on wrong funeral !" "This is widow Ricci !" "Hello." "Is this widow Ricci ?" "No, this is colonel Gambarello !" "What ?" "Colonel Gambarello ?" "Excuse me madam," "No ,Filliny look out !" "Be careful !" "Let go off me !" "What are You doing ?" "What's wrong with You ?" "Let go !" "Crazy woman !" "Where am I ?" "I can't see nothing !" "Get up !" "Let's go !" "this way." "hurry up !" "Fantocci and Filliny finally get in the right funeral." "and here in front of this tomb stone that is made of red gold, that came from the wedding rings that you.." "loyal employees have donated !" "according to his will I'm announcing you.." "The name of his successor." "He is.." "He is.." "He is.." "Doctor, engineer." "The biggest support of grand cross." "Vicompt" "Cobram !" "No !" "The name of Vicompt Cobram was one of most feared ." "When he was young he was average amateur bicyclist, who got in the company at the age of 18, and did a career as a bootlicker and spy of his bosses." "Now, when he got on the top himself" "He decided with tragic stubbouness, that all employees will become a bicyclist." "the bicycling is healthy sport that's available for everybody !" "It's good against ageing and diseases !" "and mainly,it cleans mind and contributes to the better job performance !" "and tenis, on the other hand ?" "it's stupidest sport !" "it's for chickens" "For faggots !" "certainly." "and what about soccer ?" "ahh soccer ." "and what about soccer ?" "Soccer is terrible, vicked disgusting !" "It makes me throw up." "Alright." "I'd like to tell you" "That I hate employees that are getting to work by cars." "And in the evening, They are in a hurry to get home, instead of having excercise somewhere outside of city !" "Hey You." "Me ?" "No, no, You, over there." "Me ?" "Don't You rather speak with him ?" "ah with me ?" "ok." "In race Milan-San Remo." "The third place got Piermontesy," "The second was Gerra, and first was ?" "and first was.." "Carnera." "What does it mean "pushing" ?" "So it will be.." "pushing.." "how can I.." "almost.." "yes, so..." "I don't remember." "He doesn't remember !" "I think that,it's something strange, when someone push someone else on." "perhaps on the wall." "It's like a swarm of bees that pushed into the wall." "No, it was a mistake, It wasn't swarm of bees.." "It is, I think it is national, Abrusck's food." "National Abrusck's food, he sais." "So" "We will try to help him." "Who is gonna help him ?" "Attention !" "The pushing is distribution of starting numbers !" "Everything is gonna have to change here !" "You don't know what is wainting for you, you bunch of losers !" "but you will find out !" "Get out !" "have a good day." "Everybody could imagine what is waiting for them," "They either become a bicyclist ,at least pretendering," "Or they can just look for a new job." "Stop !" "Are you ready ?" "Our racer Martana and Trueba from Spain." "They were big rivals." "It was in August 1934." "no, it was in June 1934." "of course, June 1934." "Pualba, Pualba, they called him Pyreney's flea." "ah yes, they called him flea." "I remember him." "So where ?" "Let's bike around the lake." "no." "Let's go to the Seven's peaks." "No, noway." "I suggest we're going to have a dinner at my aunt's in Pynerola," "And then, we will come back at night." "Don't be crazy Calbony, it's 800 miles !" "What about it ?" "What is 800 miles for us ?" "oh yeah, what is 800 miles for us ?" "hurray to Pynerola !" "Where are You parking Mr.accountant ?" "Right around the corner, next to You." "good, so let's beat the 800 miles." "hurray to Pynerola !" "Hurray to Pynerola !" "Hurray to Pynerola !" "Cobram !" "And everybody.." "Vivat to Cobram !" "And let's go home." "Stop, don't move !" "And there we go !" "Idiot !" "I knew it, asshole !" "We will begin gradually, for a start, we gonna take 15 miles." "What ?" "Hurry up !" "Hurry up, everybody attack !" "Don't be scared sir, he's barking but he's good," "He's not gonna hurt You !" "So how are You feeling ?" "It wasn't so bad after all, ha." "I swallowed that 15 miles like glass of water." "My muscles are tremendously stretched !" "Have a good night, Mr. accountant." "A couple hours later, Fantocci started having problems to move too." "Pinna, come here please." "Help me." "I can not move !" "I might be paralysed !" "The next day, the regiment of disabled persons walked in to company dining room." "They were participators of the last night training, which had absolutely catastrophic consequencies." "Would You give me some meat ?" "Knife and fork." "Is there any meat ?" "I don't know, there are potatoes." "But I would love some meat !" "Wine." "Wine ?" "Yes wine." "Wine !" "Here." "Thank You." "Some fruits, please." "No fruits, You got potatoes !" "So at least some bread." "Ok, there You go." "Everybody pay attention !" "I got very good news for you." "In 2 weeks, on Sunday June 28th," "I'm tendering first annual Cobram's Cup for our employees." "It will be 25 mile race." "Oh NO !" "Objection ?" "30 miles !" "any more objections ?" "No, no I think, the race is short." "Do You want 35 ?" "40 !" "45 !" "I'm expecting all of you to participate in it !" "Especially You, You need to training alot !" "The night before the race," "Poor Fantocci and Filliny took desperate attempt." "So Mr. accountant ?" "I would rather give it up." "You don't want to race the Cup ?" "No, no way !" "I knew it, so I wrote it down here for You." "You must only read it." "I show You how !" "Pay attention !" "Hello.." "Mr. Vicompt Cobram ?" "You will have to change your voice !" "Yes, I will." "I'm doctor Bergman Baladie," "As me ?" "Mr. Vicompt I have checked some of your employees," "Mr. Filliny and Mr. Fantocci," "They're both diagnosed with Menier's syndrome," "That's why I don't recommend that they taking part in your nice sport event." "Otherwise I can't take any responsibility !" "Thank You, good bye." "Simple, isn't ?" "Yes, but You won't dial the number right away ?" "So do You want to race or not ?" "No, no, not at all !" "So let's do it !" "First we will modify your voice." "A pin." "And small potato." "Open your mouth." "and.." "and.." "Great." "Hold on." "And now, we will cover it up with towel." "and tighten it, like so." "Can You breathe ?" "Here's phone." "And here's the text." "What ?" "Should I use Swedish accent ?" "Can You do it ?" "Ok, go ahead." "I will dial him up." "Here You go !" "That is You Fantocci ?" "Are You happy ?" "yes ?" "You have ruined me !" "Swedish accent, he sais." "I want to throw up." "Come again." "I want to throw up." "No wonder." "For the last time, I would like to kiss my.." "That monkey, or that thing." "What is her name actually ?" "Mariangela, my only daughter." "Go ahead." "Here's my little angel." "Goodbye, my dear." "This is life !" "The bomb !" "Do you want the bomb ?" "The bomb will give you power !" "and I have the best bombes !" "Buy the bomb !" "Here it is." "Can You see it ?" "What ?" "Look at it, It's smiling at You." "What is it ?" "Methadrine, sympamine, aspirin, cocaine, heroine and hot peper." "100 bucks." "ok, I'll take it." "With this, You're gonna win." "You will beat them all." "The bomb !" "Get ready!" "Everybody, get ready !" "Ah ambulance car !" "It will go with us." "Sure, just in case." "Hey, sweetheart is here also." "Hello." "Are You here to win a Cup ?" "What happened to You ?" "I'm just not as stupid as you." "I found myself some fractures." "Mutual and complicated." "They sent me to the rest station." "What is hearse doing here ?" "You never know !" "Don't worry about it," "If something happens, I will sensitively tell your wife in person." "Ready !" "10 more seconds." "Oh god, please help me." "Watch out !" "That's my leg !" "Get up, you idiotes !" "Imbeciles !" "Imbeciles !" "Help them !" "come on !" "See, you can do it." "You chickens !" "Good." "Let's go !" "On a small uphill, they got into horrible storm that always going along with mountain biking." "In its epicenter, they measured out 20 degrees." "Geodesist Beli that lookes like a ice cake got lost in fog," "He was found in the grocery store, in side the freezer." "And four." "Mr.accountant, You want to leave us ?" "No, no my brakes don't work !" "help me !" "help !" "What ?" "I wish You many children." "Where is the groom ?" "It's ok, let's sing." "have a good life, many children." "There is your dad, he is still alive !" "While they were attacking the devil's hill the second time" "The signs of tiredness, which were unnoticed at first, have appeared." "Suffocation, eyes poping, heart attacks, lolling tongue, delusions" "Dehydrated Fantozzi thought, that he's victim of hallucination." "It's not working !" "Do You want to get in ?" "No, not at all.." "Thank You, I'm ok." "Good bye" "While in the storm one of the fans was merciful." "I'm blind, I can't see !" "Stop !" "Do You hear me ?" "Stop !" "This is our Mr. Pelegrino" "Sing with us." "Of those who survived, finally made it to the rest station." "Don't give up !" "Throw it to me Pinna !" "So come on, Pinna !" "Throw it !" "Catch !" "The Cobram's cup became cruel eliminating race." "From all of the competitors, There was only 2 remaining !" "They were fighting over final victory by any means necessary." "Little bit slower, please Mr. Accountant !" "Mercy !" "That's it !" "ah another participant, how You're doing?" "Let's sing !" "Occupied." "At 11am, at the end of july, by some mysterious reason," "Fantocci and his colleague Filliny were called to the biggest boss" "The duke,the count Piere Mateo Baranbanny" "For this occasion Fantocci wore his new suit, and He decided to have a refreshing coffee." "What the hell !" "What's wrong with it !" "What are You doing ?" "It always happens to me !" "Relax Fantocci !" "You have to press this button.." "See and here is your coffee." "Easy, don't You think ?" "Thank You." "Look out !" "I wear my new suit." "May I ?" "I have a new suit." "Ahh a new suit ?" "Yes because I'm going to see Baranbanny !" "He wants to.." "It's empty, I got You !" "Go ahead and laugh you idiots, but I'm going to see Baranbanny" "And if He sees the slightest freckle He will be capable to fire me." "Is Fantocci here ?" "He was just here." "Accountant Fantocci ?" "He was just here." "Calbony !" "Where are You hiding pussy cat, They are looking for You !" "It's like in the madhouse, You wouldn't believe it !" "I went to drink my coffee and..." "Did You find Fantocci ?" "No and You ?" "No." "I just went to drink my coffee." "Finally Mr. accountant Fantocci !" "I'm sorry for being late." "But I had some funny accident with coffee." "It's ok, but why did He call us ?" "I have no idea." "Do You know anything ?" "No." "This way please." "I hope It will be ok." "You go first." "What are You doing ?" "I thought You wanted to dance." "oh No !" "Ahh welcome my dear Banbocci a Felliny." "Fantocci and Filliny." "What is your plan for next weekend ?" "We wanted to stay here in company working overtime." "I own a little boat." "It's worth about million dolars." "But I'm also democrat so... my family is also You poor people." "What ?" "Yes, you unfortunate yes, you trashier !" "That's the right word." "My dear trashiers." "And as You know, because I love bums so much, you disrespected and humiliated, blessed, poor spirits." "Are You willing to be guests on my little boat ?" "I would be honored." "Yes we certainly are." "Great, excellent." "And now get out of here !" "I mean, You can go now." "Thank You very much the marquess,the duke,the count." "Thank You for choosing us." "We are really touched." "Look out !" "Oh my god mr. accountant, what have You done." "I didn't see him." "Because I was looking at the boats." "Are You injured ?" "He is English." "Do You speak english ?" "Ask him If he is alright." "Okay." "What did You say ?" "If he is alright.!" "?" "Okay, okay." "What did He say ?" "That everything is okay." "Oh good." "Where is the boat ?" "There is it." "Ahh, my dear, dearest.." "beloved trashiers, welcome." "Good morning." "Good morning Mr. duke." "Good morning Mr. admiral." "That's enough !" "Are We suppose to use this to get on the board ?" "Yes." "You go first please." "Oh no, You go first." "You are older so You go." "After You." "Come on, get on the board you beginners." "Ok but I'm realy the beginner." "What did You do ?" "I steped there and... ..oops, I went flying all of a sudden." "You know." "It's such a hot day my highness, I wanted to refresh myself." "Good for You, but now get on the board." "After You." "Maybe I will have to revoke this awesome boat trip." "I don't feel very well." "Come on." "Get on." "It's kinda unstable." "One more step." "Come on Filliny, I made it !" "What do You doing ?" "I'm sorry." "Please don't think I'm a gay." "And now my dear, beloved losers We are finally here." "This is my little boat, my little home." "My house, my castle !" "Only here I'm happy, even if I'm with you." "Shoes !" "What ?" "Take it off !" "I have to ask you for something." "Take your cheap, nasty shoes off !" "Because a boat is something like a mosque." "You mean to take our shoes off ?" "Ok." "I hope I have a clean socks." "Ok, let me see." "Why ?" "It was.." "..my shoes." "And now go change your clothes to the prisoner's room." "I mean guest's room." "Don't worry about the shoes." "good bye." "Don't You thing that We are in the hands of maniac ?" "The shoes was just beginning !" "Watch your head !" "Watch your head Mr. accountant Filliny !" "One more thing losers." "On board, there can't be any slackers." "There're many little jobs," "We all will share the duties, because on board.." "..We all are equal !" "Dear guests and friends," "I'm making the toast to success of our voyage." "I'm sorry." "So I.." "I'm going now.." "I'm sorry, have a good day." "Attention !" "We are leaving !" "Everybody on aboard !" "Filliny go to the reel and pull out the anchor !" "You Bamboci go to the rear release the anchor ropes !" "I'm Fantocci." "Ok, Fantocci." "Move !" "Filliny hack it !" "Bamboci release the bollard !" "Is it this ?" "Or that ?" "Probably this." "No, this is the bollard !" "Aha, it's clear now." "This ?" "or that ?" "Hurry up, Bamboci !" "I will explain it to You later." "Filliny, release the bumpers, quickly !" "Right away." "Do You hear the sound ?" "What is this button for ?" "It's for the speed." "And this one ?" "It's the right engine." "The left engine." "and commutator." "And this small button ?" "No, no !" "Don't touch !" "Amazing, incredible noise." "Oh yes, incredible sound." "the extraordinary output." "I'm here Mr. count." "It's kinda rocking here." "Just a little bit." "What are You doing Pecacci ?" "Are You gonna serve or what ?" "I'm getting close." "It's very tricky." "What have You done !" "My wine !" "It's cooling out." "I will go get another one." "Everybody on the deck !" "Drop the anchor !" "Pull that rope !" "Exuce me, I didn't understand exactly." "Pull the rope !" "Yes." "I understand now." "What did he say ?" "Hurry up before He will hang us on it." "What should I do ?" "Should I tie it two times or tree times ?" "What is it ?" "What the hell !" "Just tie it up !" "Ok, to tie it up." "Just tie it up." "I don't know how." "Use the drag !" "Didn't You hear me ?" "Excuse me I.." "Of course I didn't." "Not at all." "It's clear to me." "I said to use the drag !" "He thinks to use the drag." "Take a look behind the spinnaker." "To the left or right ?" "I said behind the spinnaker !" "ahh.." "behind the spinnaker." "Get the jack immediately !" "Filliny You go down !" "And You Bambocci get the anchor." "It's an order !" "As You wish but my name is Fantocci." "Oh my god !" "This is life threatening." "This horn." "Good morning madam." "Hurry up, I'm watching you !" "You are personaly responsible for the boat !" "To use the drag ?" "!" "This will be it." "One" "Two" "Three" "What did You do Mr. Fantocci ?" "I just wanted to take a swim a little bit." "Really, how is the water ?" "Wonderful." "I feel like diving in there too." "Attention !" "Is everything ok Mr. accountant ?" "I experienced unforgettable things with this lady." "Silence, We can sleep now." "We will shoot." "Filliny, bring me the shotgun." "Is it loaded ?" "Yes it is, look out !" "Bumbacci.." "I'm Fantocci." "You are.." "I will." "You already are." "You will keep the score." "On this board." "Yes, I'll keep the score." "Look out !" "It's loaded." "I'm ready, Throw !" "I'm throwing." "What did You throw ?" "This." "It was silver tea-tray, England, 18th sentury." "Really, 18th century." "That ?" "Bring the small plates." "Come on Filliny, We'll take a shooting match." "Everybody has 2 shoots." "These ones ?" "You will go first." "Me ?" "Can You shoot ?" "Me ?" "ahh.." "He can't." "Actually He sucks." "What ?" "Excuse me Mr. Count, would You mind if.." "No" "You throw the plates and keep the score." "Go ahead Filliny." "Get ready to shoot." "The plate is ready." "I'm throwing." "You missed it." "Pity, I said that.." "I need more practise." "One more, are You ready ?" "Yes." "You missed it." "He missed, missed, He missed." "So I missed again, right ?" "So I write down zero." "No, It's your turn now." "What ?" "Me ?" "No way." "Take it." "Take the shotgun, it's your turn." "Give me the board." "Ready ?" "Filliny the plate." "Yes, the plate is up." "Fire !" "Oh my god." "Take the shotgun." "Oh no." "Let's get out of here, hurry up !" "We are leaving, hurry up." "Watch your head." "Watch your head." "On the way back, the duke count Barambany was again sharing the duties with his dear guests, so they succesfuly reached the dry land." "At the end of summer, knowing that He will have to spend another tragical year at work," "Fantocci started having his usual crissis of intolerance and disgust." "Our dear mega president is idiot." "One day I will just explode and I will write it on the sky." "What ?" "What ?" "What is it ?" "Mega prezident is idiot !" "The big counsel of 10 absent examined everybody's hand writing." "What did they want ?" "Nothing." "just to write the sentence." "Very stupid sentence, ding dong !" "Now You !" "Ok." "Could You tell me what are they doing inside ?" "No, You can't." "That's enough." "No." "This is not the one, You can go." "Thank you, thank you," "I'm bowing down." "You can go." "I'm honored." "Just go !" "At your service." "Go !" "Thank you." "Would You leave !" "Next." "It has closed ?" "!" "Write down this disresprectful sentence." "I don't have hands." "And this is what ?" "Yes, but they are paralyzed." "Just write it!" "Can I use the typewriter ?" "because I don't have.." "I don't have a pen." "This is only replica." "Write it !" "Of corse." "Use the right hand !" "Right, right.." "So I'm writing." "Like so.." "I'm illiterate." "Write it !" "Ok, right away." "One moment." "I'm done, even exclamation point." "It matches." "You had though that !" "Can it be some mistake ?" "I will have You fired, lynched.." "I destroy You put You in the bag and send You to Olbia !" "To Olbia ?" "You motherfucker, I will cut your ears, hands and legs." "then put You in the bag and send it to Olbia !" "I'll slice him up and send him to Olbia !" "Excuse me asking." "Have you builded a new recycling center in Olbia ?" "Zip it !" "No questions !" "You loser !" "Motherfucker !" "You moron !" "The mega president." "The archangel !" "Sit down dear Mr. Fantocci." "You wrote it, didn't You." "I knew it." "Please." "Pinna." "I'm sure, You will be glad to have your wife with You in the difficult moment of your life." "Do You still feel what You wrote ?" "No," "I didn't write it, I just though it." "But You can't think Fantocci." "You're making a mistake." "Come with me." "Come." "And erase that thought." "I can't.." "Well done Fantocci." "And now write what You wrote about me." "Fantocci is kinda idiot !" "No !" "Erase the 'kinda' !" "Of course." "Excellent Fantocci." "And remember.." "You can't erase this one !" "You are very nice." "Is it visible a lot ?" "Not really, besides people usually look to the ground." "Yes, not a lot of people care." "They made it, everyboby laughs at me now." "But they won't get me that easy." "I have something they don't know." "I'm indestructible." "That's my strength." "And do You know why ?" "Because I'm the biggest unlucky person ever." "I've always lost everything." "Two world wars, one colonial empire, 8, yes 8 soccer world champion ships," "Lira's buying power, faith in people in goverment." "And I also lost my head over such a object like You." "He is here !" "The idiot." "It is the Idiot !" "Go ahead and laugh" "But who laughs at last laughs the best." "Think what ever you want !" "I may be poor," "But I was successful in my life." "Fantocci." "Yes, please." "Alright, No success." "But I'm happy !" "I have everyting." "Classic house and friends in the windows," "Remote control with 99 channels," "The beutiful daughter," "Gorgeous and faithful wife." "I'm happier than anybody else," "I feel like plaing, Move Maryangela !" "I" "AM" "INDESTRUCTIBLE !"