"Hey, man, what kind of tailor are you?" "Look, I know I said I'd pick it up myself... but something's come up and I can't." "So you're just gonna have to deliver." "Hey, look, man, I don't care how busy you are." "I need that tuxedo, and I need it by 5:00 today." "I already told you, I can't make it downtown." "Because I got to stay home and take care of my sick mother." "Yeah." "She's got a temperature of 103." " Lionel!" " Hey, man, you hear that?" "You just made me wake up my sick mother." " Who are you talking to?" " I'll be with you in just a sec, Mom." "Look, man, now, you better deliver today... otherwise I'm gonna stop payment on the check, you dig?" "So unless if you can find another dude who's shaped exactly like me... you're gonna be stuck with a tuxedo." "Oh, you will deliver today?" "Well, I certainly appreciate your cooperation." "Yeah, thank you very much and have a good day." "Lionel, I thought you didn't need that tuxedo until Saturday night." " That's right." " Why did you say you needed it today?" "That's just business, Mom." "Sometimes you got to make them jump." "If you don't holler, they won't know you're there." "You sound just like your father." "Oh, thanks, Mom." " I didn't mean it as a compliment." " What'd I do wrong?" "You were very rude to that man." "Did you have to yell at him like that?" "You know what they say:" "The squeaky wheel gets the grease." "Just make sure you don't get run over by your own greasy wheel." "Hi, Weez." "Oh, George, I'm glad you're home." "I've got to talk to you." "Fine." "If there's something bothering you, that's what husbands are for." "I mean, if you want someone to talk to, you always got me." "So whatever it is, just name it and I'm ready to listen." " Well, I" " But not now." "I had a rough morning." "It's about Lionel." " How's the coffee?" " It's hot." " You sure?" " Next time, you'll believe me." "What about Lionel?" "He was on the phone just now, shouting at the tailor... to deliver his tuxedo two days before he needed it." "What's wrong with that?" "He conned the man into promising he'll deliver it by 5:00 tonight." " Right on." " He said he couldn't pick it up... because he had to take care of his sick mother!" "Oh, I'm sorry, Wheezy." "You ain't feeling' good?" "George, this is serious." "Your son was pushy, loud and rude." " Is the guy gonna deliver the tuxedo?" " Yes, but" " That's my boy." " That's not my boy." "Look, Weezy, you got to be that way to get by in that jungle out there." "So stop arguing and get my lunch." "It's your jungle, George Get your own coconut!" "Hey, look, I'm sorry, Weezy." "Look, if you're that upset... and it's that much of a problem, let's talk about it." "Well, hallelujah." "I finally got through to you." "I thought I had to take a number and wait in line." "Look, I don't mean to come on so strong, Weezy... but you got to know that's my way." "You got to remember, I had to claw and scratch my way up the ladder." " There he goes again." " Half the time I didn't have a ladder." "I know, but it's different with Lionel." "He's had advantages that you've never had." "Yeah, like an elevator." "George, what I'm saying is... there's no need for Lionel to behave the way you did." "He's doing okay without that." "But okay is not good enough for a Jefferson." "Okay is only okay for tall blond kids with blue eyes." " That's terrible." " It sure is." "I meant what you said." "Look, Weezy, let's face it." "Lionel is gonna have to fight... for everything he gets, just like I did." "It's part of our black heritage." "It's called "chutzpah."" "Chutzpah?" "That's a Jewish word." "So was "ghetto" till we got ahold of it." " Hey." "Pop." " Hey, Lionel, how you doin'?" " All right." " Hold it, Lionel." "George, don't you have something to say to him?" "Oh, yeah, I almost forgot." "Lionel, I got something for you." "Hey, Pop, a chronometer." "Hey, that's hip." "Not a chronometer." "The chronometer." "The one we saw in the window, walking' down Fifth Avenue." "Tells you the time, tells you the day, tells you the date... and tells the whole world you got class." "George, that's beautiful." "But what for?" "It's not his birthday or anything." "I don't have to wait for his birthday to show him that I love him." " Hey, thanks, Pop." " Hey." "It was a lovely thing to do." "How much did it cost?" "Look, it's gift." "You don't talk bout the price." "It must be at least $100." "Three-fifty." "Three hundred and fifty dollars for a watch?" "Nigga, please!" "Look, the boy's got to know the time, don't he?" "Hey, this is gonna look great Saturday night when I wear my new tux." " Where you goin'?" " A political dinner." "It's a fund-raiser." " Fifty dollars a plate." " It ain't worth no fifty dollars." "You don't even get to keep the plate." "Fifty dollars." " It's 100." "I'm taking jenny." " Then they ought to be paying you $100." "Well, it's only money, Pop." "Besides, I'm just doing what you do:" "spend, spend, spend." "That's only half of what I do." "The other part is work, work, work." "Well, I was just kidding." "Jenny's taking me to dinner." "She's a volunteer worker for one of the candidates in the primary... so like they just gave her a couple of free tickets." "Free?" "That's more like it." "Now the only thing that can hurt you is the food." " Oh, hi, Louise." " Hi, Mrs.Jefferson." "Come in." " Hello, George." " Good-bye, Helen." "Wait a minute." "What about your lunch?" " I suddenly lost my appetite." " George!" "Wheezy, she came to see you, not me." "I'd only be in the way, right?" "Wrong as usual, George." "I came to see you." "Well, whatever it is, the answer's no." "How can you say that before you hear what she has to say?" "Easy." "I just start talkin' before she does." "If you'll give me a chance, George, I'd like to talk to you... about something that will do us both a lot of good." "Oh, you're going to divorce whitey." " Pop!" " It's all right, Lionel." "I'm going to let that pass, George." "You are?" "You ain't no fun at all today." "There's always tomorrow." "But you know about the congressional primary that's coming up, don't you?" "I'm working for one of the candidates." "I'd like to put some of his posters... in your store window." " Okay." " What?" "You heard me." "Okay." "You could put them in the window." " I can't believe my ears." " I can't believe his mouth." "You heard me right." "You could put your posters in my window..." "And it'll only cost you 50 bucks a week." "That's ridiculous." "This is an independent campaign... supported by voluntary contributions." "I give my time, the printer gives the posters" "And I'll give my advice." "Find yourself another window." " Let's go into the kitchen for a Coke." " But they're fighting." "That's okay." "We can hear in the kitchen." "There's no use asking you anything." "I ought to have my head examined." "That was going to be my other piece of advice." "You know, I changed my mind." "I don't want no Coke." " How about some orange juice?" " No, no, I had that for breakfast." " You want some milk?" " No, thanks." "Well, then what do you want?" "Thought you'd never ask." " Lionel Jefferson, you tricked me." " Come here." "If you lay a hand on me, I'm gonna scream." "Help." "Help." "Lionel, can we talk seriously for a minute?" "Sure." "Seriously, let's do that some more." " Will you stop messing' around?" " Yeah, when I'm about 90, maybe 100." "Lionel, I want to talk to you about the campaign." "I think it's really important to get involved." " Oh, yeah, me too." " Oh, Lionel." "Don't you realize how much this means to me?" "Getting involved in politics is important." "Am I boring you?" "Oh, no, no." "I like hearing about politicians." "If you want me to, I could even go see a couple of them... on visiting day." "Okay, okay." "If you're not interested, forget it." "All right, I'm sorry, Jenny." "Hey, you're really into this, huh?" "I'd like to be even more into it." "Right now all I'm doing is going for coffee and stuffing envelopes." "Well, that's important too." "But I wish I could get on the steering committee." "That's where the action is." " So get on it." " I don't have enough experience yet." " But one of these days" " You want to get on that committee bad." "Yeah, so bad I can taste it." "Okay." "Okay, you talked me into it." " It's time I got involved too." " Are you serious?" "Of course I am." "Help." "Help." "It's no use, Helen." "You're not getting anywhere with him." "You might as well give up." "I would've given up long ago, but this is too important." "I am going to make an impression on you if it kills me." "In that case, impress me." "I don't understand you, George." "Don't you want to support... the one man who's trying to do something to improve low-income housing?" "That didn't impress me." "A man who's genuinely interested in helping the black community." " Now you're getting warm." " A little interest at last." "The way you were going on, I didn't think you even knew... that Pomeroy was running against Graves in the primary." "Wait a minute." "ls Graves the black dude?" " Yes, but" " Why didn't you say something sooner?" "Because your mouth got in the way." "Sure." "I'll be glad to put the posters in my window." "George, I don't think you understand." "Look, just give me the poster." "Hey!" "Hey, this is" "You got stuck with the wrong poster." "This is Pomeroy, the white dude." "Not just the white dude." "The right dude." "Not for my window, he ain't the right dude." "You may be crazy, but I ain't." " Hi, Tom." "Come in." " Hi, Louise." "I wanted to speak to George about putting posters in his store window." " It's no use, Tom." " Helen, I didn't know you were here." "Yes, I beat you to it, but it's hopeless." "Let's go." "It's a waste of time talking to George." "For once, I agree with you." "Bye." "Now, wait a minute." "I think I can make you change your mind..." " about my posters, George." " No one can make him change his mind." "That's because no one has been able to find it." "Well, they say that one picture is worth a 10,000 words." "Hey, that's Graves, the black dude!" "Look at that, Weezy." "He not only marries 'em, he even votes for 'em." "Tom, you've got the wrong poster." " No, I haven't." " But you're for Pomeroy." "No, Helen." "You just assumed I was for Pomeroy." "I'm for Graves." "How can you be for Graves?" "He's a political hack." "A greedy, callous, self-seeking" "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "Don't be running down my man!" " Is Graves your candidate?" " Our candidate!" "Come on, neighbor, let's put our candidate in my window." "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." "I hope you're not making any for me." "Of course not." "Tom." "I always eat a whole roast by myself." "Good, because I can't eat a thing." "See?" "I have to take something to settle my stomach." "Are you still upset?" "Don't be silly, Helen." "Why should I be upset?" "Just because you called me a lousy, backstabbing... turncoat, soft-headed liberal?" "I had more, but I ran out of breath." "I thought we were both for Pomeroy." "Then out of the blue, you ﬂip-ﬂop and suddenly you're for Graves." "Please, Helen, I don't want to fight about this anymore." "Oh, sure." "You'd rather switch than fight." "I keep telling you I didn't switch." "I've been for Graves all along." "It just makes common sense." "Even George Jefferson agrees with me." "That makes it common, but it sure as hell takes all the sense out of it." "All right, Helen." "You have to admit one thing:" "Graves has the experience." "Only at getting reelected." "Tell me one good thing he's done in politics." "Well, he-- he's black." "His parents did that." " Helen, listen" " Would you vote against somebody..." " just because he's black?" " Of course not." "Well, it's just as bad to vote for somebody... just because he's black or white or Puerto Rican." "Puerto Rican isn't a color." " You know what I mean." " Yes, but you're missing my point." "There are millions of black kids in this country who need someone to look up to." " They need role models." " Good models, not a lemon like Graves." "Sometimes you have to take one step backwards for every two steps forward." " But Graves always steps backwards." " Well, not always." "You're right." "When he comes to an issue, he sidesteps it." "For heaven's sakes, do you know what it's like to be black and be rejected?" "Somehow that didn't come out right." "I think you'd better eat something, Tom." "You're getting light-headed." "No, I'm not!" "All I'm saying is... that the more blacks we have in government. the better off we are." "I mean you are." "I-I mean we are." "Don't I?" "Tom, the country's in trouble." "We've got inﬂation, unemployment." "This is no time for tokenism." "And I say blacks need more representation!" "Is that why you married me, for representation?" "Don't be ridiculous, Helen." "I didn't marry you because you're black." "But you would have voted for me just because I'm black." "Only an idiot would do that." "Thank you for your vote!" "You're welcome!" "Well, that'll teach her." " Comin' to bed, George?" " In minute." "What are you doing?" "Just looking through Lionel's magazine." "Ain't she tall?" "I'm surprised at you, looking' at that stuff!" "Just getting the bare facts, Weezy." "I wouldn't pose like that for a million dollars." "They'd never pay you a million dollars." "I'll remember that when you come to bed." " Hey." "Pop." " Hey, Lionel." " See anything good?" " Just lookin' for the crossword puzzle." " It doesn't have one." " Oh, well." "I'll bet you didn't have anything like that when you were a kid." "'Course we did." "We just didn't put 'em in magazines." " Well, I guess I'll go to bed." " Pop, you got a second?" " Can I ask you somethin'?" " Sure." "See, I got this friend who's got a problem... and this friend doesn't know what to do about it." "He only got two choices:" "Get rid of her or marry her." "No, see, it ain't that kind of problem." "What it is, Pop... this friend wants to get on a political committee, but doesn't have experience." "Then he's wasting' his time, trying to get on a committee." "If he ain't got no experience, he ought to run for president." "But seriously, Pop, now suppose you want to get on that committee... but the committee wasn't ready for you." "What would you do?" "Well, I'd just do what comes natural." "No, my friend ain't no good at yelling and screaming." "I ain't talking' about yelling." "I'm talking about sweet talk." "I'd find out who the main man in charge of the committee was and butter him up." "Uh-huh." "But what if he don't want to be buttered up?" "If he won't take the butter, lay some bread on him." " That's bribery." " No, it ain't." "In politics, you don't call it bribery." "It's making a contribution." " But what if that don't work either?" " You got to have faith in the system." "It always works." "There's an old saying:" ""If you got the dough, they don't say no.'" " Who said that?" " George Jefferson." "Would you believe?" "Two whole days, Tom and I haven't spoken to each other." "He must've made you real mad." "It wasn't my idea." "Tom started it." "Well, how can you stand all that quiet?" "Oh, it isn't quiet." "He talks to me through jenny." ""Jenny, will you tell your mother this?"" "I, like an idiot, play along with it." ""Jenny, tell your father that."" " Weezy, where's my aftershave lotion?" " I drank it." "I keep it on the bottom shelf in the medicine chest, and it ain't there." "Then try looking on the top shelf." " Go on." " The craziest thing of all... is how friendly George and Tom have become... since they're both backing Graves." "It's like Custer and Sitting Bull becoming blood brothers." "Well, you know what they say:" ""Politics makes strange bedfellows."" "Not in our case." "Tom's sleeping in the guest room." "You were wrong again, Weezy." "It was in the middle shelf." "Oh." "I'll get that on my way out." " Thanks, Helen." " Thank you for the coffee." "Anytime." "Louise, would you tell my wife I have something to say to her?" "Helen, Tom said" "And tell my husband that he's forgotten his manners." " He didn't even say hello." " Hello, Louise." "Tell Helen I said hello too." " Tom says" " Tell him that's better." "I" " Tom, why don't you sit down?" "And I'll get you a cup of coffee." "I wish there was someone here who could tell my wife I've been thinking." "I wish there was someone here who could ask my husband with what." "There you go, Tom." "Louise, would you tell my wife I've changed my mind?" "Oh, would you rather have tea?" "No, I mean I'm going to vote for Pomeroy, not Graves." "Oh, Tom, that's wonderful." " Tell my wife" " Tell me, Tom." "I'll see that she gets the message." "Listen, Helen, I just came back from one of Graves's political rallies." "I had a long talk with him afterwards." "He looked me over... and then he told me all the things he thought a white man wanted to hear." " What did he tell you?" " All the things I didn't want to hear." "That guy plays both ends against the middle." "You were right, darling." "He's a bum." "Even though he's black?" "I'm afraid so." "You've just learned something, Tom." "Phonies come in all colors." "Oh, hi, Jenny." "Come in." "Thank you." " Is Lionel here?" " No." "Not yet, but I suspect him any minute." "Well, then I'll wait." " Well, can I get you something, Jenny?" " No, thank you." " Something wrong, honey?" " No, thank you." "Hey, Tom, old buddy!" "How about some fine brandy to go with that coffee?" " Well, thanks, old buddy." " Comin' up." "How's things, old buddy?" " They just took a turn for the better." " Our candidate's ahead?" "Well, I wouldn't exactly call him our candidate anymore." "Don't tell me Graves ain't running no more." "No." "I've decided to back Pomeroy instead." "He's the better man." "I should've known." "A whitey never changes his spots." "How dare you call my husband whitey!" "Oh, I beg your pardon." "I'm sorry I called you whitey, honky." "Hi, everybody." "Hi. babe." " Don't you "baby" me, you" " What's wrong with you?" "I just heard I got on the Pomeroy steering committee." " Jenny, that's wonderful." " Congratulations." "Hold it." "You haven't heard how I got on the committee." "You." "You-You briber, you!" "Hey, what bribe?" "I just made a contribution." "Where'd you get a stupid idea like that?" " From you, Pop." " Don't blame your father." "You did it." "Why are you mad?" "I got you on the committee." "That's what you wanted." "Not that way." "I wanted to work my way up... get there on my own ability, not through a $200 payoff." " Two hundred dollars?" " You must have a low opinion of me." "Dr. Frankenstein, I'd like you to meet your monster." "Where did you get the money anyway, Lionel?" "Oh, what's the difference?" "I got it." "You sold the watch I gave you, didn't you?" " I would never sell that watch." " Then where'd you get the money?" " I pawned it." " What?" "Lionel, you loved that watch." "Not as much as I love you." " Oh, Lionel!" " That was a dumb thing to do." " Your Pop's right." " First time today." "I know you meant well, but... you know I can't accept the job on the committee now, don't you?" "Yeah, it's beginning to sink in." "I guess I was trying too much to be like Pop." "Well, that ain't bad." "Yeah, it is, see, 'cause I'm not you." "I mean, your way works for you 'cause that's the way you're built." "I mean, that's your nature, but its not mine." "So I got to get on a different trip 'cause I'm a different guy." "Now you sound more like my guy." "I hope all this has taught you a lesson too, George." " It sure has." " Good." "The next time I buy Lionel a watch, it'll be a Timex." "Don't feel bad, Lionel." " You're not the only one who goofed." " Yes, we both learned something." "You pushed too hard, and I bent over "blackwards."" "Get it?" "Blackwards." "Just a minority opinion"