"Poor dead little Ricky." "He wasn't even my baby, he was Tanya's." " Jesus, she's flipped." " She switched them at birth." "Come on, the master bedroom's down below." "You can take your clothes off in the dressing room." "Before the skipper goes into action." "The skipper." "You can't go until you've met the skipper." " No, I don't want to." " The skipper." " I want Troy DNA tested." " But you already had him tested." "That was to find out if you were the father." "What if Tanya isn't his mum?" "Katie!" "Come on, this isn't bloody funny!" "Katie!" "Shit!" "What..." "Katie!" "Katie!" "Katie!" "Jesus, look what you made me do." "Now, come on, untie me." "If this is some sort of kinky number, you've just turned me right off." "Oh, come on, please." "Get me out of here." "You lamped me one." "You mental bitch." " Do you know who I am, Darius?" " What are you on about?" "Who am I?" "You're off your frigging tits, is what you are." "Tell you what..." "I'll give you a little clue." "No?" "Still, you are a footballer." "Not exactly over blessed with grey matter." "You're the skipper's nanny." "So?" "Ah!" "The skipper." "That's what you like to call your dick, isn't it?" "See, I remember that from Spain." "I couldn't make out your face but I heard you all right." "You're full of shit." "I told you about Spain." "I said it was a pack of lies." "I don't know what the hell you're on but I swear, if you don't untie me, I'm going to..." "You need some time to get your memory back." "Oh... one more clue." "Just to be fair." "The name Barbarella mean anything to you?" "Me." "I'm sorry, babe." "I didn't want to wake you." "I just got a couple of things to do." "Oh, my God, you look like crap." "What time did you get in?" "I'm fine." "Yeah, it's probably post-traumatic stress after witnessing Amber's stunt yesterday." "Remember you signed a privacy clause, you." "I think I'm going to take Troy out for a walk and get some fresh air if that's all right with you." "Probably just as well, I was going to phone a wedding planner." "I was thinking Madonna and Guy's." "I want a bit of a classy do this time." "Not like me last go." "Get whatever you fancy." "I just want us to be a proper family again, you, me and Troy." "Put all that shit behind us." "What's so important?" "Why don't you stay?" "We can speak to the planner as a couple." "I've got some shopping to do." "A surprise." "Well, you know I love surprises." " He says he'll call us as soon as he knows." " I gave him my mobile." "What, not your home phone?" "Oh, of course." "We wouldn't want to upset Tanya with the truth, now, would we?" "I don't like lying to her, Amber." "I didn't need to do this at all." "Yeah, I know." "And I'm grateful and so will you be." "I'm doing this so you can move on, knowing without a doubt who Troy's mother is." "I do know, Conrad." "It's you that has the doubt." "Listen, we were tested in front of a doctor, right?" "So there's no room for error." "Well, whatever he says, I'll believe." "Same goes for you." "I guess I'll speak to you when the results come through, then." "Listen, Amber, so you don't read about it in the press, me and Tan, we're getting married." "Okay." "I know it's been hard for you after everything you've been through, but I need to live my life." "And when the doctors call, I genuinely hope you can start living yours." "You can count on it." "It will probably have to be sized." "I wanted you to have something special for tomorrow, for Bruno's launch." "It's more than beautiful." "Look, it's a perfect fit." "You have got fantastic taste, sweetheart." "I certainly have." " Katie, how are you feeling?" " Oh, yeah, I'm better." "Yeah." "Good, 'cause me and Con are going out celebrating tonight." "You might as well be the first to know." "We're engaged." "The thing is I'm..." "I'm going to have to resign." "I'm really sorry." "I mean, I'll stay the night." "But it's a family thing." "Stay the night?" "You're supposed to give a month's bloody notice." "I know, but my mum's ill." "Don't worry about it." "We'll manage." "I just hope everything works out." "Well, thanks for understanding." "I'll clean my room out in the morning." "Poor kid." "Don't worry." "We'll ring up the agency, get someone else in." "In the meantime, Troy can spend some quality time with his mum." "Oh, bless." "Still alive, then?" "What the hell do you want from me, Katie, Barbarella, whatever the hell your name is?" "It might sound old-fashioned, but an apology would be for a start." "Me apologise?" "What the hell for?" "For raping me, you piece of shit." "No bloody way." "I didn't rape you." "You were lying on your back just handing out the invites." "Help!" "Help!" "Somebody!" "Help me!" "Help!" " Where are you going now?" " Set up a camp on the boat." "It's a bit damp and smelly down here for me." "Oh, don't worry, I'm sticking around." "We've got a lot to talk about, you and me." "And I quit my job so I've got all the time in the world." "Noah." "Noah." "Noah!" " Is that your sister, then, Noah?" " What do you think?" "Excuse me a minute." "Mr Webb, good to see you out and about supporting The Cocoon." "Support?" "Keeping an eye more like." "No, seriously, we're a team on the pitch, and despite what you lot like to think, we're a team off it and all." "It's, um, "Cocoon" actually." "No "the"." "You see, you said "The Cocoon," didn't you?" "But that's not right." "It's just "Cocoon"." "Conrad, how much did the ring cost?" "Show us the ring." "How much did that set you back?" "So charge your glasses and toast to Nabokov's Cocoon," "Bruno's brainchild, and hopefully your new hangout." "You're always welcome." "Thank you." "And, as executive manager, bring all your complaints to me which makes my job easy 'cause I know you won't have any." "It's got to be him." "I mean, Darius is just a daft boy." "I'm not saying it's Darius." "And you keep your gob shut and all." "It's just, well..." "Katie's legged it and he's not here, is he?" " So call him." " I have." "I knew you'd bag him in the end." "Tanya always gets what she wants." "Me, too, H." "I can give you some wedding tips if you want, Tan." "I think she's had enough experience, love." "Oh, no offence, Conrad." "Fry, you better start talking." "You got one minute to explain to me what's more important than training." "It's gut-rot, Boss." "Straight up, I'm feeling really shit." "I'm gonna be out of action for at least a couple of days the doctor said." "Yeah, well, you don't sound ill." "Of course I sound weird." "I've been on the pan all day." "Shit, Boss." "I've got to go again." "Yeah, I'll call you." "Cheers, Webbsie." "Please, just put the gun down, yeah?" "Looks like the skipper's sprung a leak." "For you." "Oh, the personal organiser is brilliant." "Wallet size." "I use it myself." "Here you go." " Shannon, you enjoying yourself?" " Yeah." " Listen, Luce, we okay?" " What do you mean?" "Just, I feel dead responsible for you and Bruno falling out, you know." "But if it was me, I'd rather know what me husband was up to." "Oh, that!" "Yeah, well, I'd rather you hadn't shouted it out in front of all and sundry, but me and Bruno are fine." "Better than ever actually." "You can't make up if you don't fall out, can you?" "I suppose." "And don't be so sure you know everything your Harley's up to either." "A bloke's a bloke, Shannon." "You'll learn that when you've been married as long as me." "I've got to show you..." "Harley would never..." "Just spoke to Webbsie." "It looks like Darius has got the shits, that's all." " See, I told you." " Yeah." "Still I wish I knew why Katie just up and left." "Do you know what I wish?" "I wish you could spend a bit more time worrying about me than everyone else." "Shannon." "Look, what do you expect you're going to get from me?" "Some confession for something that didn't effing happen that no one else is going to hear." " So what?" " I don't care what anybody else thinks." "I just want you to look me in the eye and acknowledge what you've done." "You came in with Bruno and you both had a go, right?" "Shit." "Fine, yeah." "Well, that shows how bladdered you were, I didn't even do anything." "He put me off, right." "I'm not into threesomes." "But the point is, you don't even remember." "I remember you came back." "Admit it!" "Yeah, I came back." "I came back and we had sex." "That's not rape, Katie." "I said no!" "We were both bladdered." "You were up for it." "I was scared, you lying bastard!" "I said no!" " You lay there and we had fun." " No." "I'll show you fun." "Jesus." "You better make yourself comfortable 'cause I'm going to get some sleep." "Just a one-off documentary." "Fly-on-the-wall type of thing." "You know, "At home with the Gates."" "Your lives through your own mouths instead of the tabloids." " And with the wedding coming up..." " That's exactly why we won't be doing it." "We want this wedding to be intimate." "Me and Tan have had enough intrusion." "Excuse me." "Hello." "Who?" "Dr Mills." "Yeah." "Yeah, I can hear you." "It's a mistake." "It must be." "Thanks." "See you next week." "What do you think?" "I mean, they're only samples, but colour-wise..." "I mean, to be honest, the red one's my favourite but I'm a bit worried about the "Scarlet Woman" thing." "Still, sod it, eh?" "What is it, darling?" "Ow!" "You're hurting." "Tell me, what is it?" "No!" "Ricky, Troy." "Amber was right." "You swapped them." "And all the time you were trying to tell me it was her that was crazy." " No, Conrad." " No more lies!" "I did the DNA test." "No bloody wonder you didn't want to do it." "You're evil." "Conrad, let go of her." "Conrad, she's done enough to the both of us!" "I'm not going to let her turn my son's father into a murderer." "I don't know what the bloody hell you're talking about." "Oh, don't even try and lie, bitch." "The DNA test confirms it." "And we'll have it in writing first post tomorrow." "Well, it must have been the hospital." "I mean, how am I supposed to swap two babies when I'm having me bloody stomach stitched?" "Janette Dunkley." "The midwife you suggested." "Well, that's it." "Dunkley." "She must've mixed them up." " You're just trying to save yourself." " Look, if Janette made a mistake..." "Well, I suppose you put fake tan on Ricky for a laugh." "Unless, of course, you're suggesting a four-week baby did that himself." "Hmm?" "Think about it, Har." "Six half-hour documentaries on you and me." "That is serious publicity." "What do we want more publicity for?" "Ooh, I'm not being selfish or nothing, but, I mean, you got the football and this could be a whole new career for me." "Like presenting or whatever." "Yeah." "Maybe." "Look, Shan, I'm really worried about Darius." " Do you reckon we should go over there?" " What?" "Well, why didn't he answer his phone if he'd just spoken to Webbsie?" "Eh, he was on the bog." "I hope so." "At least I looked after Troy." "Didn't let a bloody dog smother him." "You haven't even spared a thought for Ricky." "Your own baby dies and you don't even shed a tear." "You just let me and Amber do the grieving." "It wasn't me that killed him." "Why, Tanya?" "Just tell me why." "I didn't want to lose you." "Amber was pregnant and when I found out I was carrying Frank's baby, she kept banging on about a bloody paternity test." "I couldn't take the chance." " I'm calling the police." " No!" "You, Tanya, are going to jail." "I can't go back to prison." "You don't know what it's like." "Oh, Jesus, you've already stitched me up once, Amber." "Is that not enough?" "Stitched you up?" "You haven't got a moral bone in your body." "Give me the phone." " You can't prove it." "Not without Dunkley." " Oh, we'll find Janette eventually." "You're not manipulating us anymore." "I don't care how long it takes or how much shit we go through." "You're going down." "Okay, fine, go ahead." "I'll do a bit of time then I'll get out on some post-natal depression number." "I swear to God, I will drag you both down with me." "And how do you think you're going to do that, Tanya?" "The whole world's going to know what a psycho you really are." "Yeah." "And they'll know that you practically breastfed your own dog and then trained it to sit on my real baby." "You are an unfit mother, Amber." "And I will sell every single detail of what you two got up to before I came on the scene." "Drugs, orgies, the lot." "With you two as parents, they'll have social services round quicker than you can say foster home." "All I'm saying is, there's got to be another way." " You've got to be bloody joking." " Your idea, Tan." "Yeah, about blaming Dunkley, but this?" "I'll be left with nothing." " Like me, if you had your way." " You have your freedom." "Yeah, on the other side of the shitting world." "Your call, sweetheart." "You do it our way or we go to the police." "Take our chances with your bollocks threats." "Oh, God, I need a drink." "I can't think straight." "Just a little vodka." "Call your lawyer." "Tell him to get round here now." "And when it's done, you can neck a bottle of turps for all I care." "So he's not answering?" "Maybe he went to his mum's or maybe he's tucked up in bed on his stupid boat." "Isn't that where him and Katie went after the christening?" "There you go." "So he got ill there and stayed put." "Yeah." "We'll soon see, won't we?" "Come on." "I suppose you better eat something." "Mmm." "Now don't tell me you're not tempted." "Shit." " So he's gone off somewhere, then?" " Just give it a rest, Shan." " You know as well as I do something's wrong." " Well, call Webbsie." " Tell him what you reckon." " No." "Well, or the coast guard." "He's Darius Fry, Shannon." "A Premier League footballer." "If Katie's done summat, or even if she hasn't, and we raise the alarm, the whole thing will end up in papers." "Katie will be screwed and so will Darius." "It's up to us to find out what's going on." "Excuse me, love." "Are you busy?" "Shit." "Shit." "Shit." "Very good." "Outside." "Move it." "There's a flight leaving for Rio this morning." "First class, you'll be pleased to know." "All I could get at such short notice." "Conrad, please don't do this." "You've got to listen to me." "It's Amber." "She's off her rocker, you know that." "Everything I did was 'cause she was threatening me." "She kept putting all these thoughts in my head, going on and on." " It was like torture and I just cracked." " You're out of your mind." "No." "I love you, Conrad." "No one can love you more." "I mean, the whole thing is evidence of how I feel." "I mean, why else would I..." "Because you're evil." "You'd rather destroy someone else's life than not get what you want." "No." "Please, Conrad, you've got to believe me." "This should keep you off the streets for an hour or so." "It sounds like your taxi's here." "Thank you." "At least someone's got manners." "Never mind England, set foot in Europe again and we'll go straight to the police." "Yeah, so you keep saying." "Do you know, I hope you die a death stuck here with that Bollywood nutter." "Mind she don't accidentally sit on Troy with her fat ass, eh?" "One's an accident, love, two's just plain careless." "Make sure she gets on the plane." "I'll see you in hell." "You wish." "On the floor." "Having fun now?" "Are we?" " Please, no." " What was that?" "Was that a "no"?" "Well, you're lying down." "Surely you must be enjoying yourself." "I don't give a shit what you're feeling 'cause I'm the one having the fun, yeah?" "Don't do it, Katie." "It's not worth it." "It is to me." "No harm done." "Oh, Jesus!" "What are you trying to do?" "What do you think?" "Did you?" " Did you rape her?" " I'm sorry." "I didn't know." "I thought it was just part of it." "I swear I'm not like that." "Pig." "What do you want to do?" "Just take him back." "It's on his doorstep now." "You've got to tell someone, Katie." "Have him charged!" "What for?" "So it can all get dragged through the courts?" "Lawyers telling me I brought it on myself." "Let him have the nightmares now." "He knows what he did." "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry." "You got to believe, I would've never done it if I thought..." "I don't have to believe anything." "That's your problem now." "I just want to go home." "They've caught me out." "Every single one of them's the same." ""The engagement the football world has been waiting for."" ""Gates makes an honest woman of his Tanya."" "That effing bling-bling on her finger's got more exposure than the club." "Well, it's still publicity, babe." "It means it's the place to come for a celebration." "Oh, yeah." ""The pretentiously named Nabokov's Cocoon" ""is the venue Conrad Gates chose to tell the world..." Blah, blah, blah." "Only other time we got a name check, they've gone and called it Cocoons." "Can't any bastard speak English?" "It's caused us all huge distress." "We just ask that the press let us deal with this in our own way so we can get on with our lives." "Are you going to take legal action against the hospital?" "We bear no grudge at all to the hospital." "They're conducting their own investigation." "It was our private midwife who made the mistake." "Inexperience." "You're obviously all very close, in spite of your marriage break-up." "We do feel for Tanya." "Her behaviour was becoming increasingly erratic." "And we know now that she's had a mental episode." "What she wants is a complete break from the spotlight and all material possessions." "And I think that for her sake, we should respect that, however long it takes." " What about the wedding, Conrad?" " We've got no plans for that at the moment." "That's all I want to say." "Thank you." "Sure you're okay from here?" "Yeah." "Give me some time to get my head straight before I see my mum, you know." " Shannon's lucky." "She got one of the good ones." " Yeah, well..." "You take care of yourself, Katie." "Thank you for everything, for believing me." "Ditto." "Thought I'd find you here." "It's true, isn't it?" "Everything you said at the christening." "I know Tanya." "There's no way she'd go if she weren't bloody done for." "Well, like you said, you know Tanya." "Jesus Christ." "Well, that's all over and done with now, she's gone." "And we kept the worst of it out of the press so you should be grateful." "Anyway, that's not why I'm here." "I'm having a naming ceremony for my baby." "I can't keep calling you Troy now, can I?" "I want you to be there." "It's based on the Hindu tradition of the Namkaran, women only, so I thought you and Jackie Webb, my friends." " I wouldn't exactly put it like that." " Oh, come on, Hazel." "You've always understood me." "When I had my little breakdown." "I only did what anyone else would've done." "Yeah, well, now you know why I was ill, don't you?" "Look, Hazel." "I'll always appreciate your support." "And I want our friendship to blossom." "Especially now that we'll be working together." "Oh!" "Don't you know?" "Well, Tanya signed all her shares over to me." "I'm on the board." "Bruno!" "Well played." "I'm glad we're on the same team." " You been taking nice pills or something?" " No, I'm serious." "Got you all wrong before." "Like I said, I'm sorry, yeah." "Fry's lost weight." "He'll lose even more weight when I chop his balls off for fannying about." "That's it, lads." "Hit the showers." "Stop kissing my arse, Fry." "If you're tired, take a rest." "Here, Con!" "Come to Cocoons tonight." " Give yourself a break from it all." " Cheers, mate." "I'll pass." " You heard from her?" " No, and I hope I never do." " Well, at least tell me..." " Not now, H." "I want to call him Phoenix." "Yeah." "Okay, yeah." " Not very Hindi though, is it?" " No, but it's karmic, Conrad." "Rising from the ashes, you know?" "It could take a bit of getting used to but whatever you want." "Look, Amber," "I know we can't go back to before, before Tanya, and I don't even know whether I want to, let alone you." "Too many lies, right?" "We've got a child... and a future with him and you're back in the house." " Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that." " No, no, no." "You're staying put." "I've been blind." "And you need to be in our home." "Yes." "Yes, I do." "And you need to... piss off." "Look, I'm not expecting some sort of reconciliation right now." "After what you did to me?" "All I want is peace of mind and security so I can look after my son." "Let's give it some time, yeah?" "We were good together." "Remember?" "There's a little chink of light on the horizon now, Conrad." "And it's my light, not yours." "So if you really care for me, then you'll let me have it." "Me and my baby." "Good quality, now." "Nice and sharp." "One touch." "Good quality." "Okay, boys, stop there." "Balls into the net, please." "Let's finish with some shuttle runs." "Well done." " What do you reckon?" " Well, you're on form, I'll give you that." "So?" "Well, I've told you how I feel." "You keep playing like that, you'll be snapped up." "But not by you." "I can't compromise my position, Seb." "Come on, we've been through all this." "What?" "In case it looks like you're doing favours?" "Well, I don't want it either." "I just want a fair shot and a good look-in..." " Other players don't get a look-in unless..." " Unless they're good." "Well, I'm better than good and you know that." "But sod your ego, Dad." "I'll just wait for some other team to snap me up." "And I'll look forward to kicking the shit out of Earls Park." "First opportunity." " Hey, Seb." "Come on, son." " No, no." "You know what this is?" "This is reverse discrimination." "You go back to your precious lads." "You never done bullocks for me in my life, Dad." "I wouldn't expect it now." "Seb, wait!" "Seb!" "Hey, mate." "Sorry to just turn up, but I'm..." "It's been a bit of a weird day, to be honest, and I could use some company." "I've buggered everything up, Noah." "Tanya, Amber... my boys." "How's that?" "It's nobody's fault your babies got mixed up." "I just thought we could sink a few, you know, hit a club..." "Take my mind off things." "The thing is, it's a bit awkward at the moment." "I've got..." " Oh, hi!" " Hi." " I'm sorry." "I'll leave you to it." " No, seriously." "We're only going to watch a DVD." "Why don't you stay, yeah?" "Bethany doesn't mind." "No, really." "It's fine." "Have a good one." "It's your call, Webbsie." "I don't interfere in your decisions." "Well, not when it comes to players." "I just want results." "And that's what I'm worried about." "Well, we got places on the reserves, H. He's solid gold, there's no messing." "Yeah, well, you would say that, wouldn't you?" "But any hiccups, you'll be ripped to shreds." "And I'll be first in line." "I'm just warning you." "Which is why I wouldn't even be suggesting it if I didn't think he was worthwhile." "If we don't get him, someone else is going to reap the benefits." "What are you worried about, then?" "Do what you got to do." " I've got a Namkaran to go to." " A what?" "Don't ask." "Can you see it?" "Can you see it?" "So bright." "There's nothing there, my love." "What's wrong?" "I have to go." "Leave the outsider alone and be spared." "Not together." "How could you?" "I don't understand." " Help." " What's wrong?" "Help me!" "What is it?" "It's just..." "It's wrong, Bethany." "I got to look your dad in the eye at meetings and he trusts me, you know." " I really like you." " Like?" " Love and that." " Me, too." "But I just think we got carried away before." "We both know we should wait." "Until we're married?" "Which is a long way off." "Not something you rush into, yeah?" "'Cause it's a lifetime commitment." " That's exactly how I feel." " Good." "So I'll try and control myself for both our sakes and we'll do things what are right and Christian." "Start as we mean to go on, eh?" "I'm not an alkie, Dad." "I can have a beer." "Yeah, and you've just been given the opportunity of a lifetime." "Listen, Seb." "I don't want to bust your balls here, but I've gone out on a limb." "I need you where I can keep an eye on you so that you can be the best you can be." "Well, I'm doing all right so far, in case you haven't noticed." "Hey, it's my reputation that's on the line here 'cause you haven't got one yet." "You better make me proud." "What do you think I've been trying to do all this time?" "Since I was little, training, training, training!" "I could've pissed around like all the other kids but all I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me!" " Shit!" " Eh!" "Watch your language in here." "Oh, God, I'm sorry I'm late." "You must be Sebastian." "Seb." "Welcome to our new home." " And it's your home now, too." "Right, Rog?" " Yeah, of course." "Sorry I missed the wedding." "Don't be daft, you know." "We understand." "Well, I better ring your mother." "Let her know you got here safe." "Like she gives a shit." "Hey." "Has Roger showed you your room?" "We set it aside especially for you." "Yeah." "Cheers." "Well, you must be starving after the train." "I've got a nice dinner planned." "Bit of a family celebration, you know." "Right." "Enjoy yourselves." "Anything you need, just shout." " I still don't like him." " Yeah, well, that's my point." "You can't keep your opinions to yourself, you." "If we end up doing this documentary, you're gonna say summat about somebody and I'll end up in the shit." "Oh, come on, Har, I wouldn't." "I'm a diplomat, me." "Well, I am now anyway." "I swear, I'll keep it shut." "I'll just smile and let them follow me round." "You wouldn't have to do anything... hardly." "Can't you just trust me for once?" "I was right by your side when you needed me." "What thanks do I get?" " You treat me like a kid." " No." "No, I were dead proud of you the other day." "Honest." "Look, if it means that much to you..." " Brilliant." " You all right?" " Can you smell something, Har?" " Yeah." "Let's make a move." "Oh, look, please." "I got to talk about what happened." "I need to explain." " Come on, you know me, mate." " No, I don't." "We agreed to keep it quiet because that's what Katie wanted." "But don't expect me to like you." "Come on." "Please answer." "I know you can hear me." "I need you, Amber." "You and Troy... and Phoenix." "You're my family." "I can't bear what I've done to you." "I'll never let you down again." "Just give me one more chance." "Starter for 10." "But he's going to have to do much better than that, isn't he?" "Eh?" "Let's get you to bed." "Night-night, sweetheart." "You're safe and sound now, my precious little egg." "Mummy always knew, didn't she?" "And now I've got you back." "I'm never going to let you go." "Tanya the wicked witch is dead." "So I said, "Go!" "Be free!" ""But leave me my heart."" "So I give her the ranch." "Never say Marco is not a gentleman." "Besides, she looks like a horse." "She should run with them." "But Marco's heart is his own." "One day it will love again." "Until then, I work, I rest." "I heal." "I know exactly what you mean." " Madam, your room number, please." " Actually, I'm not staying in the hotel." "I'm just visiting for the day." "The beach is absolutely beautiful." "Please, let me." "It's the least I can do, putting up with an old man like me." "Old." "You're not old." "You're in your prime." "Just like me." " What are you doing with my wife?" " Ex-wife." " Listen, what exactly is your problem?" " My problem is you, you Aussie twat." "We got the drugs tests in today so those of you on the list, make it snappy." "When the FA drug testing lot came in earlier, well, you looked like you was gonna have a heart attack." "I don't know, I've never seen them before." "So, well, you won't mind giving me a sample, then." "Just so I can be sure." "You want to give me a piss test?"