"Below you is the ass end of the world." "The country you can see is the land known as New Zealand." "It's a pretty simple little place, really " "The North Island -- that's the good one " "And the South Island, which sucks." "Spanning these two imaginatively titled isles is a turbulent stretch of water known as the Cook Strait." "It has been swum across and rode across, and thousands cross it every day by ferry and plane." "But only one man has ever tried to jump it." "His name is Randy Cambell, and this is his story." "Are you recording, Spanners?" "Yeah, I think so." "Hold on." "Yeah, I'm recording." "Hey, Randy, how are you gonna get back?" "Reckon I'll swim." "Whoa!" "My arm!" "Randy Cambell was born into a long line of New Zealand stunt men." "His great granddad, Colonel "Calamity" Cambell," "Was New Zealand's first true daredevil." "When he went over the Huka Falls in a wine barrel and survived," "He began a family tradition that would last generations." "But Randy's greatest inspiration was his father," ""Flaming Redge" Cambell." "His rocket car of death stunt would've made him the greatest daredevil of all time if it hadn't killed him." "Redge took many lives with him that day, and many others were horribly burnt, including his own sister, Dangerous Debbie." "Ugh..." "There you go, son." "Ugh!" "Let's see if you can top that one, Randy." "Randy was only 2 years old when he was orphaned." "He was adopted" "By his Aunt Debbie and her husband, Norm, and brought up as far away from the glamorous world of stunts as possible -- a South Island sheep farm." "Randy!" "A sheep?" "Why would I want a sheep for a cake?" "I hate sheep." "You're lucky you got a cake after ruining your new bike." "That bike sucked." "I want a BMX." "Rubbish!" "A Healing Cruiser is the safest bike on the market." "It's the gayest bike on the market." "We just want you to be safe, to make sure that nothing horrible happens to you." "Don't think we didn't see that bloody old helmet." "Tomorrow it's going in the bin." " But it was my dad's." "I don't want any talk of that man in this house again!" "We've bought you a perfectly good helmet." "It's even worse than the cake." " Oh, go to your room!" "You don't bloody deserve any cake!" "Spanners, you little shit!" "Time to go!" "Yeah, bugger off!" "Tonight, in your town," "Dick Johansonson and the Timaru Hellriders!" "Dick Johansonson and the Timaru Hellriders " "Believe the dream." "Dick Johansonson and the Timaru Hellriders put their ass on the line one more time!" "Dick Johansonson and the Timaru Hellriders " "Every breakfast could be their last!" "Tonight!" "Collingwood Speedway, five bucks." "Hey, Randy, over here!" "Hey, Randy," "Me and dad are working on Dick Johansonson's car." "Awesome, eh?" "Fucking g'day, Randy, you fucking little prick." "How the fuck are you, matey?" "Hi, Mr. Watson." "I'm okay." "I've kind of fucked my arm." "Geez, mate." "You've broken your fucking wank Spanner." "Compound fucking fracture." "So what do I do about it?" "You take a suck on that." "You shove that in your gob." "Give us the fucking arm here." "Aah!" "Ugh!" "That's it, boys." "There you go, you genius." "You're fucking cured." "Now, grab this rag, give the car a good wipe-down, and maybe I'll introduce you little shits to a real live fucking stunt man." "Wow!" "Can you introduce us to Dick Johansonson?" "Depends on how hard you boys work in the next 10 minutes." "Hey, Dad, what's he like in real life?" "Is he cool, like you?" "No, Spanners." "He's a cock." "The Timaru Hellriders, ladies and gentlemen!" "And here's Chip Butler on his 50/50" "About to jump four upside-down lawn mowers!" "Go, Chip!" "And here's French-Australian stunt driver Remé Hauton!" "And if I'm not mistaken, that's Lucky Peter stuck to the hood!" "And oh, my god!" "They're headed straight for that " "Pete's a bit cooked, but he's all right!" "Here comes Chip Butler!" "Watch out for the ramp, boys!" "Oh, no!" "Whoa!" "Ohh!" "Shit!" "This is a disaster!" "That poor man!" "Better get out, boys!" "That car's about to blow!" "Oh, man!" "Oh, and what's this?" "T-bone has been in the boot the whole time!" "It's amazing!" "All right." "Now, come on, T-bone." "Stop posing, you bloody wanker!" "Pull finger and put out the bloody fire!" "They're all okay!" "The Timaru Hellriders!" "And now, ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages, the moment you've all been waiting for " "Will you please put your hands together for the star of the show," "Australasian stunt sensation Dick Johansonson!" "Ladies and gentlemen..." "Tonight, you -- yes, you -- get to help me, Dick Johansonson, make history." "Sounds unbelievable, doesn't it?" "But here's the deal." "I need 13 of you charming hillbillies to lie down on these comfy mattresses for two minutes while I jump over you in my car." "It's that easy." "Who amongst you is brave enough to take part in Dick's people jump?" "Who wants to make history?" "!" "Me!" "Yes!" "Me!" "Go on, you little pin nibblers!" "Fucking get in there!" "Yes!" "Come on, Spanners!" "Seat belt on till we're parked, please, Debra." "This is it, buddy -- the real thing." "We're gonna be stunt men." "Randy, I don't think I really want to be a stunt man." "That's okay, Spanners, mate." "You don't have to do it." "You stick to being the mechanic." "I'll do the stunts." "Yeah, I'm going to get candy floss." "Excuse me." "Is that spot taken?" "Oh." "Um, no." "Cool." "So you reckon he'll make it?" "As if." "Haven't you heard?" "He's totally lost his nerve." "Says who?" "Says everyone." "My dad told me." "No way." "Your dad's full of it." "Shows what you know, country boy." "Ugh!" "Norm!" "You worthless..." "little..." "Please, Norm!" "Norm!" "Norm!" "Ugh!" "Hey, Norm, you boring old prick." "How are you?" "You all right?" "Yeah, it happens all the time." "That was nothing." "Well, then, take your fucking place, homeowner, right there on the ramp in the total-pussy area." "Now, shut the fuck up and don't move or I'll clock you." "Hey, Debs." "There's still a place for you, Debs." "What do you say?" "One more stunt for old times' sake?" "Leave her alone, Watson!" "Those days are long behind us." "She's a fucking Cambell!" "Fucking stunts are in her bloody blood!" "Leave her alone." "She's already been hurt enough!" "Mate, you're a jizzlobber." "Shut the fuck up." "Now, for fuck's sake, Debs," "You been hiding for 10 fucking years." "Come on." "Let's show these kids some of the old magic." "Magic?" "I'll show you what that magic does!" "It turns my wife into a sideshow freak!" "Look at her!" "She was so beautiful." "You petrol-heads ruined her!" "Yeah!" "You don't have to listen to that ball-less wonder." "You're Dangerous Debbie Cambell." "You'll always be beautiful to me." "So go on, Debbie." "I dare you." "All right." "I'll do it." "Good luck to you, "D."" "Thanks, Jimmy." "Get a room, Watson." "Five bucks he lames out." "Five bucks he doesn't." "Get on with it!" "Do it!" "# we don't care about your blues # # don't give in or take it down #" "Aah!" "Faggot!" "Guess you owe me five bucks, loser." "Guess so." "Dick "The Chicken" Johansonson has punked out again." "Are the rumors true?" "Has he lost his nerve?" "Ladies and gentlemen, uh..." "That was just a practice run to see if the, uh, run-up and the...the ramp were safe." "Sorry, folks." "The ramp's not safe." "I'm calling the stunt off." "Hey, what's your name?" "Tracy Jones, but my friends call me "Tragedy."" "Tragedy?" "How come?" "All right, coming through." "Out of the way." "Move along." "Move it." "Out of the way." "Go, go." "You guys -- you cooking?" "You ready?" "Okay." "Let's go for a take." "Hello, New Zealand." "My name's Dick Johansonson." "Last night, through no fault of my own, a little buddy of mine got seriously hurt." "I personally swear I will not leave his side until he makes a full recovery." "And I know with my support he just might pull through." "How do I know that?" "'Cause I just made him an honorary member of the Timaru Hellriders, and Hellriders are built tough!" "Yeah!" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "Randy, my good little buddy, this is for you." "If you ever need a brother, a father, or just a buddy," "I'll be there for you, mate." "From now on, me and the Timaru Hellriders have got your back, and that's a Dick Johansonson promise." "Get it?" "Okay?" "Let's get a beer and go and get one with the, uh, brace-face cripple." "I think he's coming to." "Dick?" "What'd he say?" "I think he said "Dick."" "Dick?" "What?" "Thanks, buddy." "Let's get out of here." "This kid is freaking me out." "Oh, yeah, and you guys, that jacket is from all of us, okay?" "So you all owe me 10 bucks." "Do not fuck me on this one, boys." "Sweet." "Uncle Norm and Aunt Debbie were given a proper stunt-man sendoff." "Norm, of course, would've hated it." "It was a sad day." "But secretly, Randy was stoked." "11 years of boring farm work were now behind him." "Randy Cambell was now a Timaru Hellrider." "Mr. Johansonson, myself and my team here, as occupational safety and health inspectors, are to ensure the complete safety of this stunt site." "So listen here." "I'm not saying that you can't have fire, but if you want it, you're going to have to have a permit from the council." "Pull finger, Cambell." "Those toilets aren't gonna clean themselves." "Richard!" "Richard!" "Richard, listen to me!" "We don't want a repeat of Collingwood, do we?" "Phew." "ohh!" "Oh, God!" "Ugh!" "Ugh." "Hey, hotshot." "You got my five bucks?" "# nobody else in my life #" "Tragedy!" "You look..." "Shit, I haven't got five bucks." "Well, you can shout me a beer after the show tonight." "Okay." "So you got some good stunts lined up for tonight?" "Stunts." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Uh, probably." "Yep." "Yeah." "Should be great." "That's what I do -- stunts." "Cool." "Can't wait to see you in action." "Mm." "You're coming tonight?" "Cool." "Okay." "Break it up, Cambell." "I'm not paying you to flirt." "Hey, Dick." "Remember me?" "Tracy Jones." "How could I forget?" "You may have noticed this is a crew-only area," "So why don't you hop along, there, stumpy?" "See you later, Daredevil." "Cripples are bad luck, mate." "I don't want her hanging around here." "How's that toilet looking?" " Oh, it's clean." "Good, 'cause I've got a sudden urge for a big, stinking shit." "Well, I was kind of..." "wondering..." "Mr. Johansonson, seven issues of noncompliance." "No, no!" "Not like that!" "Don't use your back like a crane!" "Use your legs to lift!" "Use your legs!" "Hey, um...hey, Dick?" "What do you want, Cambell?" "Can I do a stunt tonight?" "Listen, mate, you're not a stunt man." "You're just a dumb kid in a cool jacket." "I spent five years with the best stunt team in the country!" "I've learnt heaps!" "Can't learn what I've got, buddy." "It's a kind of magic." "Besides, if you cock up, it's my ass." "Now, if you don't mind," "I'm trying to wipe my ring-piece here." " Dick..." "Fuck!" "Piece of shit..." "Stunts are in my blood." "My dad was Flaming Redge Cambell." "Newsflash, mate -- your dad's dead." "I suggest you stop whining, or you'll end up the same way." "Now, give us your jacket." " What?" "No." "Give me your jacket." "I'd do the same for you, mate." "Jacket." " Let's go." "Jacket, jacket." " Let's go." "Come on." "Jacket." "Jacket." "Jacket." "Now, break's over, so clean that shit up, will you?" "Ugh." "Oh, Christ." "What do you losers want?" "Just a quick fucking word, Dick." "With regard to our fucking pay." "You'll get your pay, genius." "There just isn't any money, okay?" "Hey, Dicky, babe." "Hey, can I borrow 50 bucks?" "Sure can." "Where's our 50 fucking bucks, Dick?" "Guys..." "This is Dick Johansonson." "Come on, he's a Hellrider, too." "He's one of us." "Get your finger out of my asshole, Cambell!" "You're not doing any stunts!" "And as for you morons, listen up." "I'm currently balls deep in health and safety red tape." "Attendances are an all-time low 'cause you guys are fucking shit." "I'm expecting the bank to turn up and finish the job..." "any...second...now." "Fuck!" "Fucking banker." "Has he come to shut us down, Dad?" "That'd be my guess, son." "Sorry, Dad." "Shh, boy." "You're not the prick who got us into this shit." "Hello, boys." "Which one of you fine gentleman goes by the name of Dick Johansonson?" "Oh, thanks, guys." "Yeah, thanks." "I was wondering if I might have a moment of your time." "Okay." "Let's get this over with." "Gather around, assholes." "Let's go." "Hustle." "Tonight will be the last show the Timaru Hellriders perform on the South Island ever." "I can't deal with this." "Tomorrow, we clean up all this crap... and sell it for scrap." "Oh, I fucking knew it." "Back on the dole, boy." "What little money we get from doing so we'll spend on beers while we're on the ferry... on our way to a little place called Wellington." "What?" "What?" " What?" " What?" "I hope you boys like big tits and cocaine, 'cause we're taking this show to the North Island!" "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" "I'm not gonna need a toilet cleaner on the North Island," "So you're fired, mate." "Fuck off." "Out, out, out, out." "Now, boys, listen up." "I'd like to introduce you to a very, very close and personal friend of mine." "His name is Sheldon Snake." "He's a hotshot promoter from the North Island." "He's got a lot of contacts and a lot of money." "Sheldon, they're all yours." "He's right, gentlemen." "I'm here to offer every single one of you the opportunity of a lifetime." "You've each been hand-selected, and I want you to be the official stunt team of a little radio station called radio Te Puke and a little cigarette company called lucky cigarettes." "Yeah!" "I'm gonna have to see the show before everything is signed off, but let me tell you this much " "If you boys are half as good as I've heard you are, then the possibilities are endless." "Mate, we're the best in the business." "Nothing can go wrong." "Oh, for Christ's Sake." "22 people." "You are kidding." "Is that it?" "Well, there's a few fucking comps, as well, so that's, uh, 20-fucking-5, counting those cocksuckers." "Who's been giving out comps?" "Lucky Peter gave one to his mom." "Lucky Fucking Peter." "Thanks for the comp." "It's cool." "Can't wait to see you out there, amidst the flames and explosions." "Must be exciting." "Yeah, it's -- it's great." "I mean, there's nothing like it." "Will you dedicate a stunt to me?" "Look, Tracy, I-I've got to tell you something." "I'm not " "Hey, look!" "Dick's throwing a shitty." "What do you mean, you can't do it?" "I crushed three vertebrae!" "Do it or no pay!" "No!" "Would you just excuse me for just a second?" "I mean, Christ!" "Screw you!" "Find another human battering ram, asshole!" "Let's go, Mom." "There is no one else!" "Hey, um..." "Dick?" "I thought I smelled something." "What do you want, Cambell?" "Look, please, can I do the human battering ram tonight?" "It's probably my last chance I'll ever get to do a stunt," "And I-I promised Tracy." ""N" and "O" spells "no,"" "And I told you -- peg legs are jinxed." "I don't want her hanging around." "Get rid of her or I will." "Asshole." "Fuck." "Ladies and gentlemen, would you please put your hands together for the Timaru Hellriders!" "This is shit." "Well, I've seen some piss-poor stunt shows in my time, but that really takes the shit biscuit!" "Right." "Great." "Awesome." "Hey, thanks, guys." "We can kiss the North Island goodbye." "Hope you're happy." "So much for me being a stunt man." "And here comes Dick Johansonson." "He's got safety officers on him like flies on shit!" "He is one unhappy bastard!" "Richard!" "Now, you just listen to me!" "Oy!" "Oy!" "Stop!" "You listen!" "Richard!" "Now, we're having nothing over 25 kilometers an hour, okay, Richard?" "Oh, safety first!" "Stop!" "This is not a safe piece of equipment!" "You should go around, please." "Go around." "That's it." "I give up." "Ugh!" "Oh, yes, ladies and gentlemen," "This sucks the big one." "I'm off to the pub." "Hey, Dick." "Baby, don't worry about those losers." "I'll make it up to you, okay?" "Yep." "We're rooted." "Fuck this, guys." "You go, boy!" "No, no, no!" "Aw, fuck!" "I probably should've moved Dick's caravan." "Not to worry." "# everybody light up # # everybody light up # # everybody light up now # # everybody light up #" "Good one, Cambell." "You really screwed us, Cambell." "It's all over, and it's all your fault." "Dick, that was fantastic." "Who is this little bad boy?" "What, the kid?" "Yes." "Dick and the kid." "I can see it now, up in lights." "Let me tell you what, boys." "We are gonna make some money." "I got the contract with me right now." "I need you two to both sign it and then you are officially with Sheldon Snake." "Congratulations." "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "Yes, boy!" "We're gonna set the North Island on fire." "I'm fine!" "I'm fine!" "My fault, my fault." "And you -- don't use your back like a crane!" "Bend your knees!" "The following day, Randy and his heavily hung-over mates boarded the ferry to the North Island." "Randy had dreamed of jumping Cook Strait his whole life." "But for now he'd have to settle for a three-hour boat trip." "Hey, Randy, catch!" "Ugh!" "Bye, Randy!" "# I should've known it from the start # # that's why I'm telling you, this is what I saw through #" "# I turn away as you close the door #" "Tell us about the North Island again, Dad." "Glamour, class, pizzazz " "Just sophistication just dribbling out of its ass." "Not that I've lived there, of course." "It's full of fucking poseurs." "What are the ladies like?" "Oh, you're in for a treat there, mate." "They're a different breed up there." "Shave their armpits -- and their coochers." "Wow." "Gross." "You'll understand one day, boy." "They're not all that bad." "Some of them are pretty nice." "Take your auntie." "She was pretty tidy back in the day." "So did you and Aunt Debbie really go out?" "Yep." "Three beautiful bloody years." "Wow." "What happened?" "Oh, I fucked Spanner's mum while we were on tour." "That would do it." "Yeah." "Anyway, enough of this bullshit." "Let's play some fucking drinking games." "Yay!" " Yay!" " Yay!" "Hey, Cindy?" " Hmm?" "Will you marry me?" "What?" "You want to get married?" "Okay." "Yeah." "I suppose." "Awesome." "You and me are gonna have a long, beautiful future together." "Hang on one second." "Sorry, babe." " What?" "I love you, Cindy." "You're so cute." "Gentlemen, welcome to the North Island." "You are now the Te Puke Hellriders." "We're the Timaru Hellriders." "What's wrong with Timaru?" "Come on, boys." "Read between the lines." "Te Puke is money, it's glamour, it's excitement." "Timaru is a shithole." "I really liked Timaru, Dad." "Good for you." "But let's leave the thinking up to old Sheldon over here." "And you know what's on my mind right now?" "Making some Sir Edmunds." "So let's get this little puppy on the road." "Yeah." "Yeah!" "Buy that for a dollar." "Wow." "Ladies and gentlemen, the Wellington Motordome is proud to present the hottest new stunt team in the North Island " "The Te Puke Hellriders, featuring Dick and the kid!" "Tonight, these bad mothers will be performing the trampoline of death!" "Aw, shit, isn't that gonna be..." "Randy?" "Can we have a fucking word, mate?" "Yeah." "Sure, guys." "What's up?" "We don't think you should do the stunt, Randy." "How come?" "'Cause I was there in '83, when Lucky Peter tried it." "Really?" "What happened?" "Tell him, Dad." "Tell me." "I can handle it." "Lucky Peter was the first to try this gag." "It was all worked out perfectly, only at the last second, it all turned to shit." "The fat fuck went straight through the trampoline." "The car hit him -- smack!" "Straight fucking on." "Ugh!" "Poor bastard!" "Was he all right?" "No, Randy." "He was fucked." "His left leg was completely torn from the hip socket, hanging there like a -- like a sack of meat." "That's not the really fucked-up part." "You see, in order to get him on the stretcher, they needed to wrestle that bone back into the socket." "Brace yourself." "We got that bone back into place okay... only one of his testicles got caught in the hip socket." "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!" "Ohh!" "He shredded three vocal cords screaming." "Never heard anything like it before, and I never want to again." "Don't do it, Randy!" "You listen to him, Randy." "He's smarter than he fucking looks." "Don't do it." "Don't be an egg." "I'm sorry, guys, but my mind's made up." "I've got to do it." "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" "The kid!" " Ohh!" " Ohh!" " Ohh!" " Ohh!" "Little prick." "Whoo!" "Yeah!" " Ohh!" " Ohh!" " Ohh!" " Ohh!" "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "Yes!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "In your face, Cambell!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick!" "Dick, we did it!" "Dick, we made it!" "We did it!" "Whoo!" "Next!" "You're next!" "Ohh!" "You're next!" "Aaaah!" "Gentlemen..." "Welcome to Te Puke." "Yeah!" "Tonight, we believe that we have come up with a stunt that will send the kid here over the top." "What about me?" "People pay to see Dick." "Relax." "You, too, will play a crucial role in tonight's stunt, because you'll be driving the car that crashes head-on with the kid." "Let me talk you through it." "This is how I see it going down." "We'll have the Dick here in this corner," "Randy in the other, and then, gentlemen..." "It's party time." "You'll race towards each other full tit, and in the middle, you will collide." "Cue the explosion." "I want you out of that car." "I want you covered in fire." "Flames burning, on the ground, rolling around in agonizing pain, and if I believe it, if you sell it to me, if I feel it... then I'll put you out." "Any thoughts?" "It's suicide." "It's how Lucky Peter lost his teeth." "And I, for one, refuse to do it." "I want you to cast your mind back to when you signed that contract." "You remember doing that, right, Dick?" "Writing your name down the bottom?" "Putting your little Dick on it?" "Well, that means that I own you." "In fact, it means I own all of you." "And I tell you what -- if you do not do exactly what I tell you to do," "I will get my lawyers involved, and they will bend you over a barrel and give you a little bit of the Sheldon Snake." "Understood?" "Understood." "All right, then." "Let's get on with it." "15 years." "15 miserable, painful years, I've been risking my butt." "Dick and the kid, my ass." "That little turd has got to go." "I think I might have to organize a little accident for Randy "Fuckface" Cambell " "See how good his stunts are from a hospital bed." "If you fuck me in the ass, you're gonna get shit on your Dick." "Tonight, Te Puke, you're in for a treat." "Dick and the kid performing a flaming hot dog!" "Ladies and gentlemen," "Let's see if we can rustle up some applause for Dick Johansonson." "Let's give a warm Te Puke welcome to Randy "The Kid" Cambe-e-e-e-e-e-ll!" "Ladies and gentlemen, let's see if we can get a couple of words with this amazing stunt sensation." "So you two morons think you know something about stunt showmanship?" "Well, you don't." "You, get to your car and get ready." "Give me that." "I'll show you how you work a crowd." "Listen up, assholes." "You can all go screw yourselves." "This stunt is dedicated to one person and one person only -- my girlfriend, my fiancée," "The love of my life, Cindy Cockburn." "I love you, Cindy." "He's so romantic." "Yeah." "Well, he's off his bloody tits." "That's a good start." "Hey, do you want to know a fucking secret?" "What's that, Dad?" "Well, that come-licker Dick sabotaged Randy's car with explosives." "That's not very nice." "Not to worry." "I disconnected them all and put them on Dick's car." "Randy will be sweet as." "Dick, on the other hand, is completely fucked." "You're funny, Dad." "# we don't care about the truth or the wisdom of your gold # # as you walk upright #" "Here we go!" "Five, four, three, two, one!" "# you give a little and a little bit # # we'll give you even more... #" "no, baby..." "No-o-o-o-o-o-o!" "Cindy Cockburn's death marked the end" "For the Te Puke Hellriders." "Dick Johansonson was found to be 10 times over the legal limit to operate a motor vehicle." "He got five years in the most nut-busting prison in New Zealand " "Loose Canyon correctional facility." "For the rest of the Hellriders, there was nothing left to do but pack up their bags and hit the road." "In New Zealand, all roads lead to one place " "Auckland City," "A city of excitement, glamour, and dreams," "A place where people come from miles around" "To make it big in the movies," "A city where a hardworking stunt man could make a decent living as long as he didn't mind some posey actor taking all the credit." "And action." "Cut." "Michael, that was outstanding." "Now bring in the stunt meat." "Make me look good, kid." "Action." "Another one, please." "Ugh." "Same again, please." "Cut." "All right." "That'll do, I suppose." "Now, get him out of here, will you?" "Great work, kid." " Which way did I land?" "I think I got a splinter." "Oh, my God." "Are you all right?" "First aid!" "Ugh!" "Oh!" "Oh, my nuts!" "G'day, asshole!" "Yo, Randy." "Geez, man, you look like shit." "Yeah." "Well, that's funny, 'cause I feel fucking great." "Me and the boys are gonna grab a few beers, head on up to Studio 17." "This new kid on the lot is supposed to be pretty good." "I'll see how I feel after I get the glass out of my face." "You should come, bro." "You might learn a thing or two." "Hey, monkey boy, get back to work." "See you there, bro." "Ugh!" "Hey, kid." "Hey, guys." "Hey, check out your competition." "See that dining table there?" "Props couldn't afford a breakaway table." "Now watch this." "Action." "Whoa." "# don't leave me standing here #" "# I'm not the kind that likes to be the # # clown in the rainbow # # the one who must say... #" "Well, what do you know?" "Tragedy Jones." "# forever Tuesday morning # # without tomorrow's gonna be # # forever Tuesday morning #" "Nice work, kiddo." "Hey." "Could you take a quick look at my ass?" "Ooh, you're gonna need a few stitches." "How about you get me to a doctor, and then we can catch up?" "Let's roll." "Oh, Christ." "Not again." "# lost my faith # # got release # # you go play on artificial grass # # lined up in black tuxedos # # lined up flat on my ass #" "# I'm feeling comfortably shaken #" "# getting lost, getting high # # hit it up, bring it down # # laying back, flat on my bed # # laying back with mirrors above # # hey, I'm gonna hit it up #" "# I'm feeling comfortably shaken #" "What do you want, screw?" "You're free to go, shit stain." "About time." "Action!" "Ow!" "# lost my faith # # got release # # you go play on artificial grass # # lined up in black tuxedos # # lined up flat on my ass # # getting lost, getting high # # hit it up... #" "Cut!" "Well, that sucked." "# flat on my bed # # laying back with mirrors above my head #" "# I'm gonna hit it up #" "# I'm feeling comfortably shaken #" "Oh, Randy!" "# I'm feeling # # well, I'm feeling comfortably shaken #" "Jesus Christ!" "G'day, asshole." "G'day, jinx." "Have you been watching?" "That's not important right now." "I'm here to talk business." "The fuck are you talking about?" "Stunt number three, spanky." "Do you remember that contract you signed with Sheldon Snake?" "That contract was years ago." "I've got a job now." "That's not stunt work, mate." "It's pathetic." "Yeah." "Well, the pay's good." "It's weak." "I thought you wanted to be a daredevil like your dead dad." "Oh, yeah." "Good." "Well, listen up." "I've got an offer you won't refuse." "A stunt so spectacular it'll make Randy Cambell the greatest daredevil of all time." "Dick -- no offense, but you're a dick." "You're gonna get Randy killed." "Why would I want to kill Randall?" "He's always been like a son to me." "Cut the crap, Johansonson." "What's in it for you?" "Just my normal 20% fee." "For doing what?" "For being a fuckwit?" "Safety coordination, genius." "What, you think stunts like this just fall out of people's assholes?" "No." "They take a lot of planning and a lot of greasing." "A shitload of greasing with this amount of money involved." "What kind of money?" "6 million big ones." "Remember, son, you're a Cambell." "Stunts are in your blood." "All right." "I'll do it." "Disgraced daredevil Dick Johansonson" "Today announced what he promised would be the greatest stunt of all time." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I give you Randy Cambell and the $6 million stunt!" "Well..." "Me and wee Spanners here," "We've been working on the vehicle itself." "But all we know about the stunt is that it's gonna be big." "G' day, Auckland City." "You're listening to the rock, and today could well be Suicide Sunday." "That's right." "We're broadcasting live from the Harbour Bridge," "Where young stunt man Randy Cambell will be putting his ass on the line once and for all." "Over here, Dick!" "Listen up, assholes." "I'd like you to meet a very brave little boy." "A very close and personal friend of mine." "His name's Randy Cambell, but they call him "The Kid."" "When I met him, he was a retched little orphan boy, but I took him under my wing." "I nurtured him." "Today he sails into the history books." "I want a loud round of applause for The Kid!" "Just tell him what he's got to fucking jump, you annoying fucking prick!" "Okay, okay." "Here we go." "Today The Kid here will be jumping the harbour!" "What?" "!" " Ohh." "Auckland bloody Harbour, mate -- 1.5 miles." "But...you'd need a rocket car to jump that far." "You'd better believe it, buddy." "That little honey will do zero to 500 in 2.5 seconds." "Should jump that pond in second gear." "Piece of piss." "Surely this is suicide." "Listen, lady, if they can send a man to the moon," "I reckon I can get this kid at least as far as Takapuna." "Cover me, Spanners." "Whoa." "You can't come through this way." "But my boyfriend's making the jump." "No pass, no entry." "Randy, I think I found something under the car." "Not now, Spanners." "He's busy." "Get away from him, boy." "He's in the fucking zone." "Randy, baby." "Hey, Trag, what's up?" "Randy..." "Please don't do this stunt." "It's suicide." "What?" "I've got to do it." "I mean, Dick's counting on me." "I don't trust him, Randy." "He's gonna kill you." "Look, he's not gonna kill me." "I've got to do this." "There's heaps of money at stake, and we got flags and everything." "Who cares?" "What good's money if you're dead?" "Just don't do it, Randy, please." "For me?" "Bet my dad would have done it." "Yeah, your dead dad." "Come on, Randy." "Stop fucking around and get on with it." "Well, okay, hotshot." "I figured you'd feel this way." "What are you doing?" "I'm not standing by while you fly to your death." "I'm coming with you." "What?" "You can't!" "Why not?" "Because it's suicide." "Well, exactly." "Asshole." "You're right." "Johansonson is a dick." "He's always been a dick." "I can't survive this stunt." "I mean, look at this rocket car." "It's shit." "Looks like it's made out of junk." "I'm not gonna do it." "Thanks, Randy." "You'll find your big stunt one day." "But right now, I love you and I want you alive." "We got a long future ahead of us, Tragedy." "Let's get out of here." "Cool." "Um..." "There's just one other thing I need to tell you." "Aaaaaaaaah!" "Ugh!" "Come on, Randy." "Come on, Randy!" "Randy?" "!" "Come on, Randy!" " No!" "Oh, man." "Come on." "Come on, mate." "Fuck me in the ass, you're gonna get shit on your dick." "Take me to the fucking airport, asshole." "Against all the odds," "Tracy "Tragedy" Jones survived." "But not for very long." "She was left a dribbling, brain-dead quadruple amputee, paralyzed from the neck down with a barbecued lung and no skin." "The machines kept her alive for three weeks before her family made the decision to pull the plug." "That's when Randy left." "Doctor, I think you should check this out." "# when you left me # # you never said goodbye # # nobody told me # # the reason why # # and when you left me # # a little part of me died # # would you think less of me now #" "# if I broke down and cried?" "#" "# I'm lonely, baby # # why'd you have to?" "# # nothing they give me # # will take away this pain #" "# I drink myself stupid # # again and again and again and again # # and all of my days and nights, they end the same #" "# I go to bed happy # # and wake up in pain #" "# I'm lonely, baby # # why'd you have to?" "#" "# I'm lonely without you # # can't live without you # # don't want to make it on my own #" "# I'm nothing without you # # go nowhere without you # # don't want to live this life alone # # well, the smile on your face # # will never be replaced #" "I'll get the door, then, sir." "Don't bother." "It'll be my morning blowjob." "Very good, sir." ""Very good, sir."" "Cock." "G'day, fuck-knuckle." "Dick Johansonson got 25 years for the murder of Tracy "Tragedy" Jones." "Your ass is mine, Johansonson!" "But for Randy, the punishment was far worse." "He was back in the South Island and back on the farm." "Long time no see." "Yeah." "So what's up, farm boy?" "Word is you're planning something big." "We want in." "What the fuck are you trying to do?" "That's got to be 10 miles, at least." "15." "You recording, Spanners?" "Uh, yeah." "How far do you think you're going to get, Randy?" "Well, Spanners," "I hope no one's eating their dinner in Upper Hutt, 'cause I might just come crashing down through their roof." "Now, let's do it." "Yeah, Randy." "Good work on the car, Dad." "Now, son," "You did most of the fucking work on this ring-piece." "I'm very fucking proud of you." "Thanks, Dad." "You're a good little cuss, Spanners." "Come here." "Eh?" "Go on." " Fuck off." "Go, Randy!" "Go!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Yeah!" "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" "Randy... no matter what happens, just remember... stunts are cool." "Did I make it?" "Randy Cambell's rocket car didn't make it to the North Island." "But Randy did." "Just a little slower than expected, but in style... with his arms around the New Zealand bikini team." "At 9:00 that night, Randy realized his dream." "He left the South Island in a rocket car and arrived in the North Island a hero." "Randy Cambell, the last in long line of New Zealand stunt men." "Or was he?" "Randy, meet your son..." "Ricky." "What?" "Hi, Dad." "G'day, son." "Want to see me do a stunt, Dad?" "Yeah." " Aww." " Aww." " Aww." " Aww." "Whoo!" "Come here, boy!" "Ricky Cambell's first stunt was shit." "But he would get better... a whole lot better." "He would live to make Randy the proudest dad in the whole wide southern hemisphere and possibly the whole stinking planet." "For one day, Ricky "Tragedy" Cambell would fulfill the great New Zealand dream... and make the jump to Australia." "Because he was a Cambell, and Cambells have got stunts in their bloody blood." "Ricky to bulls-eye." "You bastards better watch out down there." "I'm coming in fast!"