"Yes?" "How dare you?" ".." "You dirty old man" "Hello?" "...hello?" "Oh blast!" "Hello?" " Hello?" "Whoever you are, you ought to be ashamed of yourself." "It's me, Jeremy Brown." "What are you doing, making obsene phone calls?" "Well I'm in bed with flu." "In bed with who?" "FLU" "Well this is most inconvenient." "Typical of the weeker sex." "I shall expect you to be better by monday." "In the meantime I suppose I shall have to take your class." "Now, what is the meaning of this?" "It's to improve our English." "We learn all the English dances." "We are learning to be twisters, to trot like foxes, and mashed potatos." "Also, we learn English phrases like.." "Do you come here often.." "And who is taking you home tonight?" "There are more useful English phrases to learn than those." "Now you kindly tidy up this mess and sit down at once." "All of you." "And hurry" "I have to tell you that Mr. Brown will not be with us tonight." "I hear that he has a virus." "Oh, is that his girlfriend?" "He has the flu." "He has laid up in the bed." "Excuse please, how can he be laid UP in bed?" "Surely you are meaning "He is laid DOWN"" "The term 'to be laid up' means to say that he's been struck down." "What a language!" "Here is nothing wrong with the English language." "It is the most widely spoken language in the world." "Does anyone know the origin of the English language?" "Come along." "Where did English come from?" "England!" "Not quite!" "The early Brittons were Celtic." "From Glasgow!" " I beg your pardon?" "There is Glasgow Rangers, Glasgow Celtics." "Football." "I was not referring to Football, I was talking about the race." "No, no, no." "Is not a race, is football." "I see them play at the Milano in the cup." "Don't contradict me" "And if I have anymore of your stupid remarks, I shall send you out of the class." "The Celts were a race of people." "Then came the Gauls." "You see!" "I was right!" "You have the goals in football." "Alright, Mr.Capello. I did warn you." "Kindly leave the class." "Where do I go to?" "Well, I suggest that you go home and study your books." "Now, where was I?" "You were standing there, and you are still standing there." "Silence!" "Now take heed, because I shall not tell you again." "Anyone who persists in uttering idiotic nonsense will be sent home." "The Romans invaded Britton in 43 AD." "Can anyone tell me what 'AD' means?" "After Dark." "Right!" "Mr.Nadim Come along, off you go." "What am I going for?" "Don't argue, just go!" "Excuse please?" " Out!" "To continue.." "'AD' means Anno Domini, which refers to time since the birth of our lord." "The time before his birth we refer to as 'BC'." "Does anyone know what 'BC' means?" "Before Christmas" "Hokey, I go." "The Romans were supplanted by the Angles, Saxons and Jutes.." "Who brought with them a new language." "Excuse please" "I thought I told you to go." " Yes I go but I come back." "You are wanting on the telephone." "Mr Brown is wishing to speak with you." "Oh, very well." " Excuse please?" "No!" "Anna?" " Ja?" "You will take charge of the class in my absense." "I shall not be long." "And don't stand for any nonsense." "Do not worry." "I shall be standing for nothing." "I shall be sitting down." "Hello?" "Oh, hello Mrs. Courtney.." "I just wanted to tell you that, I've got all the students' homework here." "Perhaps if you could send someone around to collect it?" ".." "We do not have a messenger service, Mr. Brown.." "Arre you sure you are too ill to come in?" "Yes, I still fell pretty groaky." "Besides I wouldn't like you to catch my cold." "I never catch cold." "I expect the germs freeze to death instantly in your veins." "What was that?" " Oh, nothing." "Look, I better hang up." "If you want the homework, it's here." "And, where is everybody?" "They are giving me stupid answers." "So I sent them all home." "Oh, go away!" "I not hear nothing." " Me too." "Maybe he is sleeping." "Why don't we try around the backdoor" " Backdoor more better." "Hello?" "Anybody there?" " Yes, please." "Oh, it is you!" " Yes it is me." "You rang the bell a minute ago?" " No I'm only just arriving." "Well, somebody rang the bell." "There's nobody here." "Hey, bed still warm." "Why the door open?" " Oh, no good!" "You're right Jameela, somebody can come-in and steal something." "What was that?" "What is what?" " There was a noise." "There's somebody in there." "They've locked the door!" " Oh blimey!" "I think you are getting a broken house." "Burglers?" " Yes, please." "I think they are ringing on your bell to see if you are inside.." "And now, they are breaking-in." " You could be right." "What's the matter?" " I hear something." "Good lord!" "You're right Ali, I am being house broken;" "That was a very evil eye I saw." "It's a big evil eye." "Move out the way." "I open the door." "Stand back!" "I am going to break the door down." "What have you done to Mr. Brown?" "You damn fools!" "How we know that is Mr. Brown?" "Thats Mr. Brown." "Oh!" "Mr. Brown, are you alright?" "Yes, Just fine." "Apart from a touch of consussion, and raging fever, I am teriffic!" "Thank goodness!" "We thought you had flu." "What are you all doing here?" "Why aren't you at school?" "Well, we finished early so we thought we come and give you visits." "Oh, thats very kind of you." "Now we bring you a big bunch of grapes" " Oh!" "Thank you." "We eat one or two on the way." "Well, it's the thought that counts." "You must get in bed immediatemo." "Yes, I am starting to feel cold again." " Masterji, I have knit small gift for you." "Oh!" "Thank you, Jameela." "You try." " Very kind of you." "Oh, little big." " Yeah, well it'll keep me warm." "Oh blimey, you will not be needing to wear any glouse." "Perhaps it will shrink." "Come, Monsieur Brown, I must have you in bed." "Pardon?" "Oh!" "I see what you mean." "Let me tuck you in." "Is that better?" " Yes, I'm starting to feel warm all over now." "Jameela and I will make you some hot milk." "Hot milk, most good for worms." " Worms?" "I haven't got worms." "Not Worms..." "Wuurms!" "Do you mean colds?" " Yes colds." "Well, I must say it is very good of all of you to come, and visit me." "Take a chair each." " Jolly good!" "Where do you wish us to take chairs?" "No one need to take them anywhere." "Just sit down on them over here." "Mr. Brown, I have something here to make you feel much better." "Thats very good of you Ali.." "But I don't want anymore medicine." "But it is jolly good for your chest." "Are you sure?" " Oh blimey, yes!" "Lets have a look at.." "Ow!" "Smells awefull." "I'm telling you, it is gauranteed to Kill or Cure." "I don't like the first alternative." "Well, here it goes." "Eew!" "Its foul!" "Oh dearie me!" "I'm thinking you should not have been drinking that medicine." "You said it would cure my chest." "Yes, But you are supposed to be rubbing it on." "You poisoned me!" "I ring the Doctor." " Is more important we ring the priest." "Priest?" "What for?" " Last sacrement." "You may be dead before doctor comes." "Oh great, you may go all the way and send for the undertaker." "Okey, whats his address?" "Excuse please.." "He is not being poisoned." "This medcine, also very good for your stomach." "Makes you get up and..." "Go!" "Ah!" "It's all I need!" "Monsieur Brown, I have spilled all the milk all over my dress and now it will be runied." "You havent' spilled the whole pint have you?" "Its for today and tomorrow." "Thank you very much!" "You better go and spunge it off in the *baff*room." "Are you alright?" "You've got a funny color." " I think it was something I just drank." "Shall I give you the 'Kiss of Life'?" " Yes." "NO!" "You'll catch my cold." " You can give me the 'Kiss of Life' please." "Me too!" "So you like the kissing, yes?" " Oh yes," " Yes please." "Oh good." "I shall give both of you the most beautiful French kiss." "I wonder who's gonna be first." "Close your eyes." "Excuse Mr. Brown." "Is there anything else you are wishing us to do?" "Yes." "Just go home." "You don't want us to stay?" "I appreciate your calling, but I would recover much quicker if were left alone." "Okey, we go to the pub." "We hope you much better soon Mr. Brown Come on, Ali." "KALINYCHTA" " Buonanotte" " Good evening" "Good night." "Masterji?" " Oh." "Hot water." " Thank you, Jameela." "See who that is, would you?" "What are you doing here?" "I warm bed for masterji." " I-beg your pardon?" "It's alright, Ms. Courtney." "She means, she was just warming a hot water bottle for me." "Mr. Brown, it is highly improper for this young lady to be here alone with a man." "I can assure you Ms Courtney, that nothing improper is taking place." "Monsieur Brown.." "Where can I hang my dress?" "Good night, Mr Brown sir." "Good evening Ranjeet." "What are you up to?" "I am coming here to be making you over the weather." "Over the weather?" " Yes" "Becuase I'm hearing you are under the weather." "You better come in and sit down." "Are we going to be sitting down togethor?" " No, I still don't feel too well." "I think bed is the best place." " Whatever you say." "I didn't mean the two of us." " Thousand apologies." "See who that is, Ranjeet." "Ah, Juan, pleased to come in." " I come to see how Mr. Brown is." "You OK?" " Terrible." "Never mind." "I come to cheer you up." " Oh good." "I could do with cheering up." "I think..." "you not look very well." "I think.. he look very white." " He IS white." "But.. he look more white than before." "I think you have.. what we call in Sevilla, 'The three day Reaper'" "I don't like the sound of that." "Only last three days." "On the first day, fever like you have." "On the second day, white as you are.." "And on the third day..." "You get better?" " No, you die!" "Finito, finito." "Oh..thanks for coming to cheer me up." "Is alright!" " I bring you something." "Don't tell me it's some spanish medicine recommended for rubbing on chests." "No medicina." "Funtador!" " Funtador?" "Si." "Spanish brandy." "Un momento.." "Is a good taste." "Its strong!" " Kill all germs." "Not household germs." " Any germs." "I must say it's warming me up already." "Can I have some more?" " Sure, sure." "I go." "Oh, Taro!" " Aso!" "Come in, sit down." "Have a drink." "Ranjeet?" " Yes please, Mr. Brown?" "I need some glasses." "Are your eyes bad as well?" "I mean glasses to drink from." " Thousand apologies." "Bring three." "May I?" " Si, hombre." "Here you are, Mr. Brown." " Thank you." "One for Taro." " Thank you." "One for Ranjeet." " You are most kind." "And one... for..." "Juan." "Bottoms up!" "What is bottoms up?" "It's an English phrase used when having a drink." "I am thinking.." "It is not easy to be drinking with bottom up." "Ranjeet.." "It refers to the glass." "The bottom of the galss" " Tip it up." "Ah, si." "As you say.." "Up the hatch!" "Down the hatch." " Si, down the hatch!" "Now I'm understanding." "I am also knowing another saying." "♪ Round the teeth and, through the ♪ ♪ gums, lookout tummy, here it comes ♪" "Very good!" "Do you mind if I have another.." "Look!" "You finished the bottle." "I was just beginning to enjoy myself." "I have brought.. genuine Japanese.." "Sake!" " Oh sake!" "Yes I've heard of that." "It's what those.." "Geisha girls give you, Isn't it?" "Geisha.. girls.. give you.. much more." "Yes, so I understand." "Eh Taro, Is it true, that the Geisha girl." "They give the 'mass' on the nothingness?" "In Japan, man has code-o." "He go.. seek Geisha." " What happens?" "Geisha prepare a hot bath-o, then wash men-o, all over." "I should think that would send your temperature up." "After, men lie on bed-o" "Geisha.. wrap him with perfumed oils-o." "Does that cure a cold?" " No, it makes it much nice-o!" "Ranjeet, leave the door unlocked." "So if anybody comes they can walk straight in." "Good evening, Mr. Blown." " Ah Su Li and Anna!" "We bring you something to make you well." " Thats very kind of you, but I'm feeling a lot better." "These will clear your head instant." "Take!" "I tried everything else." "I'm sure a couple more pills won't make any difference." "Now we need some hot water." " Its alright, I'll take it with the sake." "What for you do that?" " You said that will clear my head." "You are suppsoed to put them in the hot water, and beath-in the fumes." "Oh, I don't feel well!" "What about you, Su-Li." "Have you bought some chinese medcine for me?" "Oh this is not medicine." "It is vely ancient chinese tleatment." "Is it anything like the Geisha girls?" " Oh, much better!" "Oh well, in that case.." "First, you must lay." " Yeah?" "alright." "Only to waist." "Lie down on stomach." " Like this?" "Yes." " Yeah?" "I'm ready." "Vely good." "Oh blimey!" "Whats the matter?" " Oh nothing, nothing whats so ever." "Ah, it's lovely." "Can you do the other side as well?" "I've heard of 'Kill or Cure', but thats ridiculous." "What are you doing?" "Acuplunture, Vely old chinese custom." "I got it from honolable ancestor." "Well honorable ancestors can jolly well have it back." "We coma back!" "We all each has bring you something to cheer you up." "Jamaica Rum!" "French Wine!" "Greek boozo!" "Italian trapa!" "Hey, you taste that." "Huh" "You say it was an accident?" "Accident." "Danielle spill milk on her dress." " Ah, I see." "It appears that for once I have mis-judged Mr. Brown." "Well, I suppose I had better call-in and apologize on my way home." "Who wants another drink, Eh?" "Hey everybody!" "It's the conga!" "Mr. Brown?" "Hello, Ms. Courtney." " This is disgraceful." "No please." "This is congo." "Silence!" "I suggest you all leave immediately." "As for you Mr. Brown words fail" "Ah, come on, Ms Courtney.." "They are only coming here to cheer me up." "I warn you Mr Brown, if this sort of thing ever occurs again in the future, You" " Are" " OUT" "Mr. Brown!"