"Over the last few years... mankind has been witness to a continual parade... of environmental disasters... leaving many searching for a ray of hope... in an already bleak landscape." "This is it." "Isn't it?" "Geez, look at this." "Look at this!" "And it's mine." "The place is the Arizona desert." "Here, a team of scientists and investors... led by Dr. Noah Faulkner, has come together... to create the first space station on Earth... a self-contained world, a pure environment... unspoiled, unpolluted... a world that no longer exists outside." "This Earth Day, Dr. Faulkner and four carefully chosen... highly qualified scientists will seal themselves inside." "Their mission will be to sustain life for one year... while living in harmony with nature." "Welcome to Bio-Dome." "Congratulations, Bio-Dome Five, and good luck." "On your steady shoulders... rests the hopes and dreams of a scientific community... perhaps the very survival of the human race." "OK, ready?" "Paper covers rock." "You lose, Buckwheat." "Sorry, you have to assume the position... because I'm king and you're the peasant." "I win, you lose!" "OK, you ready?" "Copy that, Squirly Control." "Stubby!" "Squirly!" "Should have been harder." "Perfect!" "Hi, Mo-Mo, Porky!" "Thanks for coming over!" "Hey, Budley." "You guys ready to go?" "See, that's the thing." "We're supposed to go with you to this Earth Day thing." "Yeah." "Don't mimic me." "Easy, Squirly." "Listen, we can't go." " Doyle had a bad accident." " What?" "Come here." "I'll show you." "Look at his wrist." "It's quivering." "Oh, my God!" "What happened?" "I'm no doctor, but I think he's brain-dead." "Yeah, and?" "In tribute to Earth Day..." "Doyle was on the couch trying to take down the mahi-mahi... and set it free!" "Free Mahi-mahi... if you will, and then kaboom !" "Gravity snatched the poor little boy... and he fell down like a rag doll." "Is this one of your convenient little accidents?" "Monique, look." "You call a huge welt on the guy's head an accident?" "I can't make that up." "Please let me out, Mommy... or at least slide another pancake under the door." "My poor Doyley." "I'll nurse you." "OK, let's play nurse." "I smell a scam." "No, that's Doyley." "He's got a quivery colon." "That's cute." "You promised to help us pick up trash today." "That's what Earth Day's all about... saving the environment." "Girls, you're thinking too globally." "You have to act locally." "We need to stay here and help Doyle merge... on the road to recovery." "All right, Bud." "You win again." "Win?" "This isn't a contest." "It's not a game here." "Give me a kiss." "What do you think?" "It's not my fault his brain cramped." "You little dick!" "Brain cramp, my butt!" "The only thing that hit Doyle's head is this book!" "You cracked Doyle's skull to get out of this?" "The book fell on him!" "He fell on the book!" "They collided!" "Bullshit!" "It's just like you to weasel out... of your responsibilities on Earth Day." "This is Hands Across America all over again." "I had arthritis." "Farm Aid?" "I had fleas." "The Save-the-Whales rally?" "Salt water makes Doyle bloat." "You guys are pathetic." "Thanks for coming, Mo!" "Face it." "We're dating primates." "They're getting better." "They're taking yoga." "And you're the one that keeps on raving... about how flexible Bud is getting." "There is something about a man... who can lick his own back." "We just have to be patient." "Freeing the mahi-mahi?" "What kind of mind thinks up crap like that?" "They should be taught a lesson." "They should be punished." "This is Uncle Fred... from the Carolina School of Bartending." "What are you doing?" "Grab it." "Eat it." "The one with the corn." "You like it." "Good one." "Johnson's residence." "Bud Macintosh here." "That's my name." "Ask me once." "I'll say the same." "Hey, Budweezer." "It's the girls." "Hey, Mo-Mo." "How's sanitation detail going?" "It's great, but we're going to split." "We met these guys from Arizona Tech... and they're taking us to a kegger at Vasquez Lake." "What?" "You met men?" "Of the male persuasion?" "They're on the swim team." "Please hold." "What's going on?" "What?" "Monique, Doyle and I just talked it over... and we decided you cannot go... to that kegger party at Vasquez Lakes... with the swimmers." "What are you talking about?" "Hold on, guys." "We're coming." "Whatever, Bud." "Our girls have been seduced by breaststrokers." "They bought it!" "Swimmers." "Do you have any idea how many diseases are in pools?" "Especially after we swim in them." " I know!" " I can't believe this!" "Shaved-down pool Nazis oiling up our women... and swimming with them in an Olympic-sized toilet." "Ever see the bathing suits they wear?" "Grape smugglers." "Can you believe those girls?" "It's not like we're not into saving the environment." "all's I know is..." "I won't lose my beloved to some steroid-friendly... web-footed, porpoise-prissy punk!" "Don't worry about it though, because I think... when they see we've gotten off the couch... they'll go into seizures." " You think?" " Total." "Check out that mall, man." "Must be the grand opening." ""Bio-Dome."" "Think that means it goes both ways?" "I don't know, but we do." "I don't think there's a kegger at Vasquez Lakes." "We've been had, Squirly." "Makes you kind of proud that we got such crafty girlfriends." "We're lucky guys." "That's for sure." "Vasquez Lake?" "More like Vasquez crap hole." "There used to be fish here, remember?" "Yes, I do, Doyle." "A long time ago, when we were kids." "Leave Bud alone, Mom !" "I'm teaching Bud how to hold his breath underwater." "Much better, Bud." "Let's try for three minutes." "Those were the days." "Yeah, I'll say." "Don't leave that there, Stub." "Free refills with proof-of-purchase seal." "Nice call." " Tribal!" " Tribal!" "I got to take a piss." " Can you cork it?" " Negatory." "Let's go at the mall right there." "Welcome to Bio-Dome!" "Welcome to the future!" "Welcome to the place I'm going to drain my lizard." "Viva Los Bio-Dome" "Viva Los Bio-Dome" "After all our careful planning... the many years of meticulous research and experimentation... our dream is finally at hand." "Thank you." "Viva Los Bio-Dome" "Rip Van Tinkle-fest." "Dr. Noah Faulkner." "Thank you." "Thank you." "We stand today at the bridge to a future... where man and the ecosystem can live in harmony... and make it possible for us... not only to balance our own fragile planet... but one day to sustain life on new worlds far, far away." "You have entrusted us with an awesome responsibility." "Swift, swift, swift." "How can I help you fellas?" "Can my friend go inside and pee in your mall?" "It didn't occur to him to do it at the lake." "Back off, punks." "Sir, yes, sir!" "Loosen up, bacon boy." "Just want to go inside and take a pee... and then we got to go." "What up with that, G?" "You girls want to get physical?" " Exhale, Stubbs." " I kill you." "Whoa, a little demonite." "Look, exhale, Stubbs." "Just chill." "Go, go!" "Sorry about this." "Please, I would like to introduce my team." "Ms. Olivia Biggs, our geologist." "Mr. T.C. Romulus, our entomologist." "Ms. Petra Von Kant, our oceanographer... and Ms. Mimi Simkins, our agriculturalist." "I can't do it here." "Tiny Elvis has stage fright." "Just think of the water." "Just let it go." "Hurry." "I can't do it here." "In the hopes of bettering our environment..." "Come on." "Give me your smoke." "With the cutting of this ribbon... a new era in science and technology begins." "What are you doing?" "Watch." "Over there, by that grassy knoll!" "Assassins!" "Assassins!" " I can't get up!" " Holy Kennedy!" "Section 2, code 3. 10-4." "What kind of mall is this?" "There's no stores or food courts or toiletries." "There's got to be a toiletry here somewhere." "Now, look at all the vegetation... for your fertilization." "It seems someone was a little eager to celebrate." "Toxins being introduced in the rain forest." "Homeostasis is at 99.1 percent." "Here we go." "See you in a year." "Good luck." " You OK?" " Pulled a nad." "Let's get out of this Jurassic mall... find our girls... and take care of what we need to take care of." "Hey!" "Look!" "Look!" " Get them out of there!" " Oh, my God." "Doyle, I don't think this is a mall." "Get them out of there!" "You've got to be kidding me." "My bug!" "Son of a bitch." "Here we go." "Mr. Leaky, has there been a security breach?" "Who are these men?" "Has the Bio-Dome been contaminated?" "No, no." "Ladies and gentlemen, surprise, surprise." "We are pleased to announce the arrival... of our two special scientists." "Beam me up, Stubby." " Jim, he's a Vulcan!" " This way." "This preplanned addition to Team Bio-Dome... is intended to simulate the Chaos Theory... as we encounter it in nature." "We'll have plenty more information on this... a little later on, and I'll get back to you... but as you see, right now we have work to do." "Work to do." "Who could be stupid enough... to think Bio-Dome was a mall?" "Bud Macintosh and Doyle Johnson." "Generation X road kill... on the superhighway of progress." "They're not terrorists." "It's worse." "They're junior college students from Tucson." "They really thought it was a mall." "Faulkner, get them out now!" "The doors are sealed for one year." "I can't open the doors." "If I open the doors... the integrity of the scientific data is compromised." "Everything depends on the time frame of one year." "Screw the time frame!" "I have §100 million invested in this." "I don't intend to lose it because two twits from Tucson... can't tell a mall toilet from a damned rain forest!" "Squirl, break the ice." "Excuse me, miss." "Are you tired?" "I beg your pardon?" "Are you tired?" "No." "Why?" "Because you've been running through my mind all day." "Excuse me, miss." "If you were yogurt, would you be... fruit-at-the-bottom or stirred?" "This is your problem." "Fix it." "Then they have to stay." "Our preparation was for five people, not seven." "Adding two more at this stage... throws the whole system off balance." "Then the system will adapt." "Did it hurt?" "Did what hurt?" "When you fell from Heaven, did it hurt?" "Bud, Doyle, hello!" "I'm Dr. Noah Faulkner." "You may recognize me from television." "You the guy with the spray-on hair?" "Anyway, as I'm sure you already know... you have stumbled into an exciting new world." "Tell me, have you ever dreamt of being famous?" "When I was little, I wanted to be a rock star... because I could do this with my finger." "But as I got older, I realized the reality... of the corporate rock world sucked." "Besides, you only knew one song." "Ironman, lronman" "Does whatever an iron can" "Pancake flat, like a glove..." "Hold it!" "That's Spiderman." "Black Sabbath did lron Man." "Oh, come on." "What, do you think you're so smart?" "Think you're some rocket scientist?" "Yes." "Sorry." "What do you boys want out of life?" "To die and come back as a leotard?" "Well, I may be able... to offer you a springboard to that future." "We would like you to stay with us." "Wait a minute, man." "You guys aren't one of those freaky clans?" "Dancing naked, you want us to take off our clothes... you're going to feed us weird punch..." "No." " Damn." " Shit." "We almost had it." "It was this close." "Boys, this is where you'll be staying... and I want you to feel right at home." "We'd be obliged if we could get some nice cushy beds." "With Magic Fingers?" "Like the ones at the mall..." "I can't sleep." "I can't sleep either." "Let's go find us some beds." "Get out of here!" "Wake up." "Smell the coffee." "Good morning and congratulations, all." "We have survived night one." "Congratulations, Doyle!" "And the best thing is... homeostasis was maintained all night." "No!" "It is bad enough that for the next year..." "I must share my air, food, and water... with these Neanderthals... but I will not share my tools of hygiene." "Relax." "It's sanitized." "I dunked it in Olivia's Scope." " Simian!" " Dick!" "You guys wanted us to stay, OK?" "Think back." ""Springboard into the future."" "We didn't prepare for this voyage." "We need clean teeth, too." "All right?" "His teeth..." "look." "You are absolutely right." "You should be brought up to speed." "It is time for a tour." "Boys." "Boys." "From here, you can see... all the regions of the Bio-Dome... the rain forest, tropical lagoon, farm... and the great desert." "Every effort was made to duplicate them precisely... and all of this is your home now." "But remember, the survival of this system... is dependent upon homeostasis." "That means a balance... within an enclosed system itself." "Could we get some binoculars?" "Let's make a rule." "Everything that you did at home... you're forbidden to do here." "Everything?" "Shave poochie poochie." "Shave poochie poochie." "Everything." " OK." " All right." "Don't move." "I'll be right back." "But I got a wicked itch on my nads." "Don't move." "I got a wicked itch on my nads." "Faulkner said don't move." "I can't take it anymore!" "I can't take it!" "I guess this means we're our own tour guides." "All right, everybody... do not feed the animals, stay together... and no flash photography." "And remember, here at Bio-Dome... we're dependent on balancing homos within the system." "Now everybody stay with the group." "Follow me this way." "Jerk, you shouldn't have hit me so hard." "Oh, my God, come here." "Hey, there's no knob here!" "Oh, God, here we go." "Olivia, what's with this door?" "It's not opening." "Of course it won't open." "That door won't open again for an entire year." "Nothing goes in or out." "Not even air." "It would take a Sherman tank to open that door." "So what you're saying is..." "You can't get out." " We're stuck here." " For 12 months." "That's right." " 12 months?" " 52 weeks." "Yes." "385 days?" "Yes, yes, yes." "So what you're really trying to say is..." "Stubby, Squirl... tribal!" "I'm a Sherman tank." "Sherman tank!" "Sherman tank!" "Doyle, Doyle, Doyle of the jungle" "Friend to you and me" "Watch out for that tree." "Where'd you go?" "Where did you come from?" "My mom and the authorities are still figuring that out... but hey, do you know there's a jungle in here?" "Yes, I do." "Whoever thought of putting a jungle... in Arizona is a petty smart guy." "Whoa!" "Barbarella!" "What are you doing, making smoothies?" "No." "Nature is about miracles, Bud." "A goat is a miracle." "A carrot is a miracle." "And you're a miracle, too, Petri." "What's up, Doc?" "Why are you putting that guy in the rice paddy?" "Tilapia are an integral part of our food supply." "We adopted a technique from Asia." "The fish eat the algae, then fertilize the rice." "So these tipitilia, they're going on the rice?" "Crapping on the rice." "In crude layman's terms, yes." "Does Uncle Ben know about this?" "Hey, I know yoga." "Look." "I do it like that." "Sometimes, I can lick my back, too." "Watch." "Then I roll over like this." "The tide monitor needs attention." "Really, I can..." "Thank you." "Wait." "Don't go anywhere." "I'll show you some other maneuvers later." "You should see what..." "God, my sciatic." "Come quick." "You gotta see this!" "Your sciatic?" "Bad?" "Get it!" "You should see what she did with a carrot." "Russell, there's beer cans in the trash in the kitchen... in the trash in the bathroom... and in the trash in the basement." "What does that say?" "We're out of beer?" "Mom, would you please tell your love slave... that if he's not part of the solution... he's part of the problem?" "The only problem I have is I've run out of Depends." "There is a bathroom right around the corner." "I cannot go to the bathroom." "I hurt my bladder Rollerblading." "Hey, look at that." "There's that guy Bob... who I chased out of here the other day." "They're on TV!" "It's amazing!" "Can you believe it?" "This is Joachim West reporting." "I told you we were into nurturing Mother Earth." "But you didn't believe us." "Now you guys are thinking locally... and we're acting globally." "Just get out of there." "Can't." "We signed up." "We're part of the few and the proud." "Part of the problem." "Come on, you guys." "This is an important biological experiment." "You'll ruin everything." "Maybe you're not aware of it... but we're a vital part of the homeosystem." "Don't you think your couch is having withdrawals?" "Are we supposed to wait a whole year... for you to get out?" "Mo-Mo and Porkchop, there comes a time in life... when we must sacrifice that is most dear to us... for the greater good of saving the world... and now is that time." "Is that how you really feel?" "No." "This is how I really feel." "Budly, there's people around." "I miss it." "I know." "I miss you." "I'm proud of you." "So I guess this is good-bye?" "I guess." "Attention." "Dinner is served." "Well, we got to go." "Bye." "Bye." "Day one, in the books." "Cheers, mate." "What's with this kibble?" "Are you guys trying to poison us?" "You don't like soy casserole?" "Crap tastes like it came out of Romulus." "Maybe it did." "Soy is our principal source of protein." "You'll learn to love it." "Could you at least make it taste like chicken?" "A little bouillon base, paprika?" "Spice it up a little?" "Otherwise, I'll shrivel up like a supermodel." "I am so fat." "No, you're not." "Nobody likes me." "You're beautiful." "People didn't like me in high school." " Everybody loves you." " You're so sweet, Naomi." "Avez-vous a cigarette?" "Squirly, you sleeping?" "You sleeping?" "What did you hit me for?" "I can't sleep." "Think back at those sleepovers we used to have." "Maybe then you'll be able to sleep." "OK." "What's up, Buddy?" "I'm the weasel." "OK, my turn." "Peanut butter and jelly with bacon." "That's easy." "Whoa, buddy." "Good call, man." "Keep on cruising." "Keep on going down the line." "Mixed green salad with blue cheese dressing." "Bro, that was fully major, dude." "Your beak always knows, buddy." "Keep on cruising." "Come on, buddy." "Keep it cruising." "Wait." "It's over here now." "Yo, Mo." "Check it out." "Your friends Bob and Darrell are getting tail." "Assholes." "If I were you..." "I'd go out and hump for the next year." "If I were you, Russ, I'd have my mouth... full of shotgun with my toe on the trigger." "It's frightening how much you want me." "Stubby, thriving on chaos!" "Those will sell better than iron Maiden merch." "Let's hope so." "I just want you gentlemen to remember... how important you are to this whole experiment." "Feel free to contribute." "You are an integral part of the Bio-Dome system." "Since you put it that way... we're thinking of you producing environmental condoms." "So when you rip the packet... it's automatic sap lubrication." "No chalk on the bark." "Then, when you're pollinating your flower... slide, slide, slippedy-slide." "Just smooth...right in." "Then there's the Bud and Doyle action figures." "Action figures." "Anatomically correct, of course." "And last but not least... 1-900-SQUlRLY-STUB." "Watch this." "Hi." "I'm Doyle." "And I'm Bud." "And when we're not out saving the environment... we're thinking of you." "Naked, thigh-deep in tofu." "You likey, Leaky?" "Our home is the Garden of Eden." "More like the Garden of Boredom." "I'm Chairman of the Bored." "We can have our own fun." "Remember when the Magnavox went out... when we were kids?" "Fly, Mary Poppins." "Fly, supercali-fragilistic- expialidocious." "Can we do it again?" "Those were the days." "Cheer up, buckaroo." "Just because we're stuck in a bubble... doesn't mean we can't cause any trouble." "We're the everlasting force... of Squirly!" "Stubby!" "You ready?" "Hut one, hut two, hut, hut, hike!" "Let me through." "Come on, let me through." "Neon Deion." "No fair!" "Personal foul!" "You want some of me?" "You shouldn't have had some of me." "You shouldn't have had some of me." "Squirly, look!" "Fish on the play!" "My proposal is that we plant these seeds." "I know you're thinking "lllegal, illegal"... but the value of purple sticky ponge... goes way beyond just toking it." "Ain't that right, Professor Johnson?" "That's correct, Professor Macintosh." ""Purple sticky ponge, or hemp... is an excellent source of paper." "It makes a fine rope." "It can even make a contaminant-free fuel." "But the greatest value to us Bio-Domers... is its rapid rate of photosynensisis... which means more oxygen for everyone."" "On three." "Three!" "Cannonball!" "There you go, Mr. Bloom." "Thanks, girls." "Now, tell Bud and Doyle..." "I'm writing a song about them, OK?" "OK, we will." "Oh, God." "Check it out." "This is the event you've been waiting for." "It's the annual at Arizona Tech." "It's a three-day blowout to benefit the rain forest." "There's going to be seminars and lectures... and kegs and dudes galore." "We cannot go to this." "Why not, pray tell?" "Do Bud and Doyle ring a bell?" "A year is a long time to wait for those guys." "You know how old we'll be in a year?" "Old." "Real old." "As in not spring chickens, in over the hill..." "OK." "OK." "Did you see those chicks they're with?" "They're hot." "So?" "I trust Doyle." "I love Bud just as much as you love Doyle... but we got to start thinking about ourselves." "They are." "Oh, OK." "Pay attention, soave-bolla." "You're king." "I'm peasant." "Good afternoon, Petri dish." "Perhaps you'd like to join us... for a little aperitif on the ridge?" "Allow me to present..." "Chateau Squirly-Stub." "It's a bit plucky, a bit fruity perhaps... but it'll satisfy your palate... especially with a big piece of pork." "So that's what happened to our fruit harvest." "You're incorrigible." "I think they're into us." "In a huge way." "Mini-tribal." "Marco!" "Cholo!" "Marco!" "Cholo!" "Look." "Biodegradable pineapple." "Olivia, Romuli." "Why don't you guys join us for a little soak?" "That's not for bathing." "This is the artificial rain generator." "It just got a little warmer." "There's nothing artificial about that." "A little acid rain." "They dominate a number of pivotal processes... occurring in the soil." "A kind of profound taking earth." "That's what makes this so exciting." "It's Bud and Doyle." "Doyle, what's the hot gossip on the inside?" "I really can't make any comment at this time... but if I see one more massive orgy..." "I'm moving to Tibet." "And, hey, Faulkner, quit hogging the K-Y." "Thirty-one... forty-two... sixty-nine... seventy-four..." "A hundred, a thousand!" "Here I come!" "Rumball, you got to hide me." "Not in here." "You'll upset my bugs." "Look out!" "May I help you?" "What are these guys?" "They're two of the rarest lepidoptera in the world." "Leppard..." "Didn't their drummer lose an arm?" "No." "They're butterflies... from the Brazilian rain forest." "So are you trying to get them to start porking?" "Actually, yes." "In nature, the chances of these two finding each other... or porking... is very remote." "We hope to breed thousands here." "Easy, Rumbo." "Gotcha!" "You've got to take me first!" "Mothra!" "Come back, Mothra!" "Please come back, Mothra." "Lepidoptera!" "Should we be doing this?" "We are not doing anything wrong." "Besides, it's to save the rain forest." " Denise." " Roach." "One word." "Raid." "Hey, man." "She thinks she's cool because she hangs out... with Bud and Doyle's girlfriends." "Who?" "She digs me, though." "Are those Bio-Dome Bud and Doyle's girlfriends?" "Get that bag." "Excuse me." "Are you done with those beers?" "Thanks, but we're having too much fun sober." "That's cool." "We were collecting empties and recycling them." "Well, take this." "Take mine." "There's a lot of waste at these parties." "That's awfully noble of you." "It's what we're compelled to do." "We're having a little fete to save the rain forest." "If you'd like to come, show your support..." "Will it be like this?" " No." " Not at all." "It's going to be decent." "It's at the quad." "We'll be there." "We'll see you tomorrow." "Thanks." "Noah, it's been a nonstop moronathon." "I did not dedicate my life to science... just to baby-sit a couple of baboons." "They eat like savages." "At this rate, we'll run out of foodstuffs." "They're going to ruin everything." "You sliced it." "Damn it, Billy." "Damn it, damn it!" "How am I supposed to hit... a double birdie with the shower iron?" "You're embarrassing me in front of my friends." "Come on, Billy." "Anatomically correct." "Are you sure this flypaper's going to work?" "I'm positive." "It's really sticky." "My dad used to use it to line my playpen." "You must have been in this position a lot." "Help, Daddy, please." "Get me down." "I wet my Huggies." "Nobody loves me." "Oh, shut up." "CD-ROM, come with us." "We got a big surprise for you." "You've been diagnosed with Ebola... and you're about to bleed out?" "No." "Doyle's got a boner he wants to put in your ear." "This is a really big surprise." "If it's about Faulkner's third nipple..." "Don't bother." "I know that." "Faulkner's got three nipples?" "Pretty cool." "Come on." "Hurry!" "We felt pretty awful when we let all your bugs out." "We promised each other we wouldn't sleep... until we brought back every last bug." "You mean you found my bugs?" "Look!" "Giant flypaper!" "I think we got them all... but there's still a couple flapping right there." "The horror!" "The pain!" " Come on!" " Please!" "We're sorry!" "What I wouldn't do for just a Big Mac right now." "Dude, don't even say that word." "Two all-beef patties, special sauce... lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions... on a sesame seed bun." "Bladder Buster, no ice." "Breakfast burrito." "I can't take it anymore!" "We got to get out of here." "We should relax a little... before Chaulkner chills out a little, don't you think?" "What's he going to do?" "Expel us?" "You're right, Stub." "We own this place." "Total." "The whole world." "Hey, turn into a table." "Uppity-up." "You're pretty steady on all fours." "Get me up." "Right down here." "You sure?" "Look, I can tell it." "My beak has got a hunch." "Like a Doberman pinscher." "The coast is clear." " Stop!" " Look out." "Come down." "This is it." "You sure?" "Open it up." "Bring it down." "All right." "Come on." "Be careful." "This is the one." "There's food in there." "I feel it." "I feel the aroma." "Hey, Squirl?" "If we blow up, it's been nice knowing you." "All right." "Open it." "Was I right?" "Didn't I tell you?" " Who's the master?" " You." " Who's the king?" " Squirl." " Who's the shrewdest?" " Squirly." "Just follow your nose." "Let's eat!" "We have chippies!" "Lots of stuff to eat." "Is that laughing gas?" "No way." "I don't know." "Turn it on." "Let me try it." "Let go." "Dennis Hopper, "Blue Velvet."" ""Oh, I'm slutty."" "I don't feel anything." "You?" "Me neither." "You?" "Nothing." "It's raining, it's pouring" "The old man is snoring" "I got to have Spam." "I feel like a duck-billed platypus, man." "Want halves?" "Perfect." "Anything?" "I didn't feel anything." "Nothing." "Nitrous oxide." "Are you crazy?" "What the hell is going on here?" "The desert?" "But we'll starve!" "Not necessarily." "It is life on a taut tensile line... but the desert is an integral part of nature." "Unbelievable." "So it's just vamos, get out of here." "You guys go your thing, and we go ours." "The idea being that while we are here... you are there." "Like we want to hang with you guys anymore." "We're going to start our own Bio-Dome." "One with a dome within a dome!" "So don't come knocking on our door." "Do you understand?" "All we need are two helpers." "Girls, come with us... because girls are an integral part of nature, too." "Yeah, come on." "We still got each other, Squirl." "You won't have to eat any more of that food." "Girls, don't do this." " I can't see you." " Where'd they go?" "I'm so hungry." "We got to get out of here." "I don't want to have to eat you." "I don't want you to eat me, either." "Squirl, the Grim Reaper is breathing down our necks." "It's not looking too good." "There's something I have to get off my chest before we die." "Remember that really cute... little teeny, little tiny, little turtle... you had when we were growing up that disappeared... and then they put your kitty cat to sleep for eating him?" "What really happened was is that I stepped on him." "And then I flushed him down the toilet... and let the cat take the rap." "Frisky?" "He went down like a champ, Squirl." "Remember your Uncle Murray divorced your Aunt Flo... for sleeping with that flamingo dancer?" "Her children disowned her, the church shunned her." "She started a drinking binge." "That flamingo dancer's outfit he found was mine." "My mom was trying to make me take lessons... to impress the neighbors." "So I took the outfit, I hid it in Aunt Flo's bedroom." "I said I got mugged." "Aunt Flo's insane now." "Yeah, but she has her independence." "Remember the Great Fire of 1979... that supposedly started in your garage... when that chipmunk ingested some fertilizer... and then fell into a can of kerosene... instantly turning him into a flying little... fluffy Molotov cocktail that set a blaze... leveling the whole neighborhood... west of Newton's hardware store?" "You started that fire?" "No, but that was pretty cool, huh?" " Noah." " Can we talk to you?" "We're concerned about Bud and Doyle." "We think they've been down there for long enough." "Do you?" "Yes." "We can't just leave them there." " They can't survive." " It would be murder." "No." "It's progress." "We're culling the herd." "They are a symbol... of everything that is wrong with this world." "They don't care." "They don't matter." "Doyle, there's a tasty dactyl." " Got him, Squirl." " I'm going to eat you." "I want to eat them with the frog leg." "Squirl, wait, wait, wait!" "A key!" "No way!" "Parking tickets?" " What am I going to..." " After all we've done..." "Oh, my..." "A boot." "I can't believe it." "I can't believe they would put a boot... on a Bio-Dome scientist's car." "It's not like we didn't try to help the ecological system." "Aw, don't cry, Doyle. lt's OK." "Here." "Come on." "We'll get you some food." "A little Bladder Buster?" " Hey, coach!" "Pizza!" " Stop!" "Here are the pizzas." "The Bladder Busters are free... because I couldn't find the goddamn place." "Russell?" " Bob." " How did you get a job?" "Fucking President Clinton." "You had sex with President Clinton?" "That's pretty cool." "So, how's my juicy treat?" "She and that other bimbo... they picked up two guys at Arizona Tech." "They're having a party to save the environment." "You owe me §57.50... plus a tip." "What does "in the flesh" mean?" "I think it has something to do with tassels." "You got to take us to this party." "I got pies to deliver." "Get off the goddamn car!" "Can you believe this?" "Right now, the whole ATU campus is probably being overrun... by some touchy-feely, "save the environment" mania... and guess who's right in the middle of it." "Our chicks." "They're probably swapping Mark Spitz... with those grape smugglers right now." "No preppy blow-hard is going to steal my chick without a fight." "First Frisky, now this." "All I know is someone's going down!" "Hey, put the gun away, Stub." "Stub, put the gun away." "Evil is not a good thing right now." "Just relax." "Exhale." "All we got to do, bro, is outparty the partyers." "Bring the mountain to Mohammed." "Throw a bigger bash than any college would ever allow." "Show the girls that we care about the environment, too." " Do we?" " No." "Where are we going to throw this party?" "Viva Los Bio-Dome!" "Cornicopy-a." "Roach here." "Roach, it's me, Bud." "Thanks for blowing me off on my birthday, nature boy." "I guess now that you're Mr. Scientist... you don't have time for your bourgeois friends anymore." "Don't bourgeois shmougeois me, OK?" "We've been stuck in a bubble." "Look, you've got to do me a favor." "Remember last year when we had that big, like... freaked-out festival and stuff... and I made you my little buddy, and you went and passed..." "Give me the drink!" "Wait." "And I made you pass out fliers?" "I need you to do the same thing, but this time... whoo!" "First you need the planet" "The earth beneath your feet" "You couldn't live an instant without that" "Then you need the air" "OK, everybody turn!" "Couldn't live five minutes without that" "Can someone please explain... how drinking beer and playing hacky sack... can help improve the environment?" "It's all about raising consciousness." "You just can't stand up and preach about it." "Let me open up your chakras, Monique." "No, thanks, Siddhartha." "What we need is to save some trees" "We just want to save some trees" "Don't say we didn't save some friggin' trees" "Party at Bio-Dome?" "All right, let's go!" "Bud and Doyle are having a party at the Bio-Dome?" "That's crazy." "What are they thinking?" " How?" " What about our party?" "Blow me, partner." "We're going to Bio-Dome." "Thanks for the back rub." "Maybe they're planning on a lecture in the parking lot." "Wouldn't it be cool if they had those huge television setups... so we could see what's going on inside?" " Moths?" " Noctuidae principalis." " We don't have them here." " Something is happening." "Have you seen her face?" "She's got a face that could stop a clock..." "Until you look her in the eyes" "And her money's green" "She's a tease like a social disease" "She seems so close to my reach" "If I could count, I could count it all" "Lady, turn me on" "Jackknife!" "You can take her for a ride" "Are you guys in a band?" "We're the Bio-Dome Five." "Which one's Tito?" "And I can't even fake a smile" "Without laughing inside all the while" "He's a whore, do anything for money" "He's a whore" "There is no law now!" "Do anything for money, he's a whore" "And the stories I could tell" "Look out!" "Oh, my God!" "They're going inside?" "I'm a whore, do anything for money" "I'm a whore, so the story goes" "Monique, Jen." "Buona notte." " Where are they?" " Bud and Doyle?" "Here you are." "Half-price." "Yeah, right." "Fine." "Be that way, snivelers." "Oh, my!" "This can't be." "En garde." " What are you doing?" " We're partying." "You're thrashing this place, you phonies." "So?" "I thought you cared about the environment." "No." "We just want to get laid." "Hell, I'd strangle a dolphin to get into her pants." "Bud and Doyle!" "Hey, everybody, welcome to the party!" "I could get used to this, Squirl." "It was just a matter of time." "Monique, Jen, welcome to paradise!" "Ladies, so good of you to come." "Join us!" "My queen, this is your kingdom... and now we're all acting globally." "Bud, stop this!" " Stop what?" " This!" "Doyle, look at this place." "It's being destroyed." "I thought you guys wanted a big environmental party." "You assholes!" "Don't you care about anything?" "Bud, you're killing the Bio-Dome." "You shouldn't be doing this." "This is our mess." "This is our problem." "Don't touch me." "Stop!" "Come on, you guys." "You're making us feel worse." "Good." "Do you guys even realize what you've done?" "You're scum." "You know how embarrassed I am that I even know you?" " We're sorry." " Yeah, we didn't think." "That's the problem, Bud." " You never think." " About anything." "Wait." "Monique, stop!" "Can we call you later?" "Bud, this isn't a joke." "I never want to see you again." " I don't know you." " I'm Doyle Johnson." "You've seen me naked." "Faulkner's gone." "He disappeared." "All we found were these." "They look as though they've been chewed by a rat." "The first rat to desert a sinking ship." "Romulus, I should have left you in charge." "Well, maybe not." "Mr. Leaky?" "The damage is devastating." "The toxins are way off the scale... and the pH is acidic enough to digest a battery." "It took years to build this world... and you geniuses took only one month to destroy it." "God couldn't work at such a fast pace." "I haven't seen devastation of this magnitude... since the Great Chipmunk Fire of '79." "Go home." "It's over." "We made Vasquez Lake." " We got to fix it." " We got to." " Where are you guys headed?" " Out." "Well, wait." "You can't leave." "We're going to need your help." " For what?" " To clean this place up." "There's no point in staying." "The ecosystem is dead." "It's not dead." "It's just thrashed." "The point was to live in a sealed environment... and maintain perfect homeostasis... without contact from the outside world." "The entire experiment has been compromised." "Wait!" "Screw the experiment!" "No one leaves." "Now, listen!" "We're taking over this dome... and you guys are going to help us fix it." "Do you have any idea how impossible it would be... to make this place habitable again?" "Impossible is my nom de plumb." "Now, you guys have spent your whole lives... trying to make the world a better place, right?" "Well, here's your chance." "Only it's not perfect." "It's like it is out there." "Come on, guys." "We got to save the Bio-Dome." "I've never quit anything in my whole life... except Chinese calligraphy... my thesis, "Tuna and you..." "the early years"..." "Kangaroo anatomy, toe photography... booger sculpture, and masturbation." "Well, maybe not masturbation, but give me a break." "It's the only thing I'm good at." "You are very good at it, Stub..." "very good." "So come on." "Who's a quitter?" "In five seconds, I'm going to swallow this key... so if you want to leave, you better do it now." "Count it, Squirl." "One... two..." "I'll do it." "three... four..." "Wait, wait, wait." "I don't want to get locked in." "Just wait one second, please." "Let me out of here." "Don't." "Open the door." "Thank you, Bob." "Nice to see you again, Darrell." "Last chance." "Five." "Dick!" "Oh, my God." "You did it." "We're all going to die!" "Grouse mate for life, year after year after year." "They travel thousands of miles to reunite and mate." "We were watching that." "I'll put it right back." "I want to see if the sniper... killed the clown at the mall." "If we slow it down, we can actually see the bullets... enter and exit Buttercup." " Ew!" " Gross!" "Back and to the left." "A clown." "The infamous Bio-Dome is back in the news." "It seems a standoff has developed... between scientists still inside... and project investors." "Our Joachim West is live at the scene." "Aries, the Bio-Dome scientists... are refusing to leave the world they destroyed." "Bud and Doyle, I love you!" " A standoff?" " Hold it." "There's Mr. Leaky... the project's principal investor." "I studied chemistry in Sweden!" "I can lick my back!" "All I can say right now is we're still negotiating." "We're trying to keep them aware... of the dangerously low level of oxygen inside." "That's all for now." "Homeostasis is 1% of normal." "Animal life will terminate in fourteen days." "Fourteen days?" "That's almost two weeks." "This is madness." "I don't see how it can be done." "Bingo!" "Revive plant life." "See?" "Now the plants will get that island tan." "Photosynthesize, planties." "Hopefully, it will also produce... what Doyle and I call the beer can effect... whereby heat inside will stimulate condensation... you know, like the outside of a cold brew." "That should increase the moisture inside here... and bring on a nice little downpour." "It'll work." "All we got to do is filter the air." "Light bulb!" "Making a filter" "Don't worry, Stub." "Olivia said we could just use wet bed sheets." " What about all these butts?" " At least you collected them." "Do you know how many laws you've broken?" "How many?" "Bud, Doyle, where's the key to the back door?" " Doyle's got it." " Thank God!" " Doyle, give me the key." " Give the man the key." " You sure?" " Give him the key." "Push!" "He needs a cup of joe to let it flow!" "Leaky, reach on up in there and get it!" "But make sure you take off your watch." "No, I was the last one out, right?" "And Bob, the last words he said to me were..." "If I go, man, you take the torch." ""You save the planet." Right?" "And I'm like, "Wild!"" " Excuse me." " Monique!" "I see Mom let you off your leash." "Bud and Doyle refuse to speak to anyone but you." "You would be doing the world and posterity... a great favor if you could convince them both... to give up this foolish quest." "Hi, guys." "So, uh..." "So when are you guys going to come out?" "Earth Day." "You guys still mad at us?" "Is that what this is all about?" "This isn't one of our pranks." "We're for real." "You're really for real?" "We think about you guys all the time." "We miss you, too." "You've come a long way, Bud." "Thanks." "That really helped a lot." "I've used this technique in many siege situations." "It's pure torture." "This will definitely drive them out." "You're the expert." "Good boy, Billy." "Good boy." "Come on." "Come on." "Romulus!" "Your papalopadus are porking!" "Excellent tree bark, y'all." "Tastes just like chicken." "Here you go, friend." "48% of normal!" "It's really like I have two sons..." "Doyle and Bud." "I have one from L'lnstitut de Nature in Strasbourg." "They want Bud and Doyle to stockpile their sperm bank." "This one's from the people at Bladder Buster." "They want the boys to endorse their new drink... the Colonic Cannon." "You're not going to believe who this one's from." ""Viva Los Bio-Dome!"" "Might be quite hard." "Take the right leg." "Throw it up." "Push it to your chest and then behind the head." "We could grow a whole new crop of tomatoes." "Trick or treat!" "What, you guys don't have any candy?" "Oh, Mr. Dude, look at you." "And what's your little name?" "Purple sticky ponge." "You're going to make someone really happy." "Checking Santa's list... to see who's been naughty and nice." "Bud and Doyle!" "Happy New Year!" "Crunchy soy patty... with lactose-free cheese?" "I need a fuse." "Ionized porkodilineate... with red dye number two?" "Yeah." "Keep going." "What senseless vandalism." "Do you think it's really Faulkner?" "Whoever was in this closet knew what they were looking for." "I want to talk to him and tell him we're sorry... and that we're going to try and make up for it." "We should get him back here, involved, you know?" "We could use another genius." "I don't think that's a very good idea." "If he wanted to talk, he would have come to us." "What do you think he's been doing all this time?" "Ramona" "I will fly" "I am God." "No." "I am God." "All is peaceful and quiet here tonight... as the domers spend their last days inside... trying to reach homeostasis." "This is Joachim West reporting." "It's going to be a real blast..." "three-day rally to boycott fur." "Why don't you start with the fur on your back, homo?" "Sapiens." "That was good." "No." "I am God." "Homeostasis is at 98%." "Homeostasis is at 98%." "We're close." "It's going to come down to the wire." "Only ten hours left." "If only we had another day." "Or another twenty-four hours." "Ladies." "Hey, guys." "We just... we wanted to say thanks for everything." "We thought you were brain-damaged or something... but we were wrong." "You're very special." "You mean special, like riding on... the little yellow bus to school special?" "Very special." "And, Doyle, I've been thinking about that yogurt thing." "Fruit at the bottom, waiting to be stirred." "Wait." "I have a girlfriend." "Excuse me." "I'm sorry." "We're sorry." "It's just... we have girlfriends on the outside of the dome... but you are just fan..." "Good night, Squirly." " Good night, Doyle." " Wait." "That might have been... the smartest or the dumbest thing... we've ever done in our lives." "Probably both." "What's that noise?" " What?" " Do you hear that?" " Yeah." "What is it?" " I don't know." "Wow!" "Check out Faulkner's secret hatch action." " Cool." " Yes." "How James Bondish." "Hurry up." "Come on, Stub." "What is that?" "Ahoy, Noah!" "Matey!" "You don't look so good." "You're looking kind of grisly." "I..." "I have a lovely sack of coconuts... that I've altered in a small way... and I wondered... would you be kind enough to hold them for me?" " OK." " Sure." " How you been, man?" " We missed you." "Smelly." "OK." "In case you've been wondering... we have been kicking some serious ass... on the homeostasis front." "This place is almost back to normal." "So what are the coconuts for..." "pina coladas?" "I'm rigging some pyrotechnics... for the door-opening ceremony tomorrow... which I feel is essential... for the culmination of this whole process." "Give me that thing." "Yes." "Yes." "I don't think he liked the way you play with his coconuts." "When the doors open, I don't anticipate any problems." "Just let them come out." "Isn't it amazing how clear everything gets sometimes?" "Haven't you felt that in the moment... when everything is proportionately correct?" "That's how I am now." "Anyway, boys, keep your eye on the clock." "When it hits zero, you will like what you see." "Adieu!" "And off he goes." "Into the wild blue." " Come on." " OK." "Hey, wait a minute." "Cluster." "Coconut." "Hey, you know, he's not such a bad guy." "For a grizzly guy." "I mean, he's just a little..." "He's misunderstood." "Exactly." "You know what?" "We bring out the best in people." "And people bring out the best in us, too, Doyle." "Look at us right now." "I mean, who'd have ever thought..." "Look!" "Right?" "Here." "Go long." " Stubby going long!" " Keep going!" "I got it!" "I got it!" "You OK, Stub?" "That was no ordinary coconut." "We rigged tons of those things, Squirl." "They could level this place!" "Let us out of here!" "There's a bomb in here!" "Hey, what's going on?" "Don't worry." "You can't do that." "This costs two thousand dollars a sheet!" " Damn bionic glass!" " What are we going to do?" "We got to stop that mother Faulkner!" "You guys, come back!" "It's too dangerous back there!" "My creation!" "I know thee not." "But go gently... into the maelstrom." "Freeze!" "Roshambo for the Dome, doc?" "You feel lucky?" "Well, yeah." "I think I do." "On three... one, two, three." "Paper?" "Don't feel bad." "I would have done it anyway." "Give me the detonator." "What is the magic word?" "There has to be a magic word." "The magic word's on three." "Three!" "You cut him off through the tunnel." "I'm going to go get his maelstrom." "I got you now, Faulkner!" "Come on, baby!" "I'm coming for you!" "Wheels!" "So that's how that rat's been getting around!" "When I get you, I'm going to..." "Slow down." " I'm going back in." " I'll go with you." "I'm going... to worry about you guys while you're in there." "Just kidding!" "I'm coming!" "When I see you, I'm going to..." "I'm going to..." "Will you finish a complete thought?" "I got it." "I got it!" "You idiot!" "Hang on, Squirl!" " Get him, Squirl!" " Can't turn it off!" "You're choking me!" " Give it..." " No!" " Give me the detonator!" " No!" "I'm coming, Squirl!" "Assume the position!" "Warning... detonation in five..." "Warning... detonation in five... four, three... two, one." "Destruct sequence deactivated." "Homeostasis restored to 100%." " Happy Earth Day." " What's happening?" "We did it!" "Oh, my God." "That was the stupidest thing we've ever done." "You're right, but sometimes stupid can be pretty cool." "Hey, we did it!" "We stopped Faulkner!" "We saved the dome!" "I love you." "God, Romulus, easy with the tongue action." "Poor folks." "They must be toast." "Remember your training." "Where's Faulkner?" "Let's go arrest him !" "I really underestimated you fellows." "Interested in a permanent job at Bio-Dome?" "Big bucks." "You guys are my heroes." "Bye, Bud." "We'll miss you." "Well, Petri dish, what can I say?" "How about good-bye?" "You can save the world from your couch." "I'm so proud of you, Doyle." " I'm proud of me, too." " You should be." "I love you!" "We definitely learned a few things, that's for sure." "For one, we definitely have to listen to..." "Your girlfriends?" "Yes, but most importantly, Mother Nature." "What's wrong, sweetie?" "I think Mother Nature's calling me again right now." " Can you cork it?" " Negatory." "There's no place to go out here." "Hey, what about that factory?" "I don't think so, Bud." "Trust me, OK?" "We're celebrities." "Car, drive up!" "Any of you guys seen Faulkner?" "No sign of him over here." "How could he have gotten out?" "He's not here." "I don't see him." " Check over in the lagoon." " He's not here." "Hey!" "He must have gotten through the back door!" "Where'd he get the key?"