"Are you sure it's safe, Mr. Duncan?" "Safe?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Your Excellency, having your Viennese MacGuffin on display at our humble casino is an honor we take very seriously." "There are locks on each of the windows, guards on all of the doors." "And should someone get past those, we have this." "E, zero, one, one." "Voilà!" "So you see, Your Excellency, your priceless bird is as secure in this room as if it were in your own castle." "Shall we?" "(BEETHOVEN PANTING)" "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "And this is our jewel." "The Crown Room." "With our compliments." "Ah, thank you." "Now, Excellency, as you know, the unveiling is at midnight." "In the meanwhile, it would be our great privilege to offer you the hospitality of the tables." "(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING INDISTINCTLY)" "Bonne chance." "(SNIFFING)" "Oh, no." "(PANTING)" "Security." "Security." "We have an intruder." "I repeat, we have an intruder." "(BEEPING)" "(BARKS)" "(BEETHOVEN WHINING)" "No!" "(PANTING) Security," "I've got a visual on the intruder." "He's big, four legged." "Furry." "And he's got the MacGuffin." "Where'd he go?" "That way!" "Over there!" "Hmm?" "(EXCLAIMS)" "(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)" "(GRUNTING)" "That's my MacGuffin!" "(SCREAMS)" "(GRUNTING)" "Ow!" "He's heading for the window!" "(PANTING)" "(BEETHOVEN WHIMPERING)" "EDDIE:" "Come on, boy." "And Jump." "And jump, Beethoven." "Come on." "Jump." "Come on, buddy." "Jump!" "Jump!" "Come on, you can do this jump." "You've done this jump in every movie we've made together." "Yeah." "Just Come to Mr. Bear." "You love Mr. Bear." "Yo, Justin!" "I'm acting here!" "Cut." "(BELL RINGING)" "Eddie, what's wrong?" "EDDIE:" "Nothing." "Nothing is wrong." "Everything is fine." "He just, he needs another chance at it, that's all." "Another chance?" "We've done 44 takes and this stupid dog still can't get it right." "45." "Justin, don't worry, now Eddie's a very good trainer." "Are you kidding?" "I don't think this guy could train a monkey to throw poop." "You're the producer, Charlene." "You've got a problem." "So fix it." "(GRUNTS)" "That's lunch!" "(BELL RINGING)" "MAN OVER MEGAPHONE:" "All right, that's lunch, people." "One hour." "Listen, one, two, three." "One, two, three." "And jump. (SIGHS)" "EDDIE:" "We've made six movies together." "He's never done anything like this before." "He's even ignoring Mr. Bear." "My son gave him Mr. Bear." "He loves Mr. Bear." "It's not Mr. Bear." "(STAMMERING) What..." "What is it?" "DR. KELP:" "Nothing." "It's nothing?" "Well, physically nothing anyway." "But mentally," "I think Beethoven is depressed." "EDDIE:" "He's depressed?" "Yeah." "He seems to have lost his (GRUNTS) zest for life." "His spark." "His joie de vivre." "For want of a better word, his "Mojo."" "His "Mojo?" Yeah." "The thing that makes him Beethoven." "Well, you're a doctor." "Can't you just give him a pill or something?" "A pill is not going to help this dog." "Maybe a change would do him some good." "Maybe if he did something different for a while." "No." "No." "He loves making movies." "Don't you, boy?" "Hey, do you love making movies?" "(WHINING)" "Or is it you?" "I'll send you my bill." "Goodbye, Beethoven." "EDDIE:" "But." "Hey." "Wait, you've..." "Gotta see a Chihuahua on stage five." "Eddie, a word?" "(SIGHS) Sure, Charlene." "It's about Beethoven." "Oh, yeah, good news." "The doctor says there's absolutely nothing physically wrong with Beethoven, so we can get right back to work." "Well, um, the thing is, we won't need him, or you." "(STAMMERING) I'm sorry." "I don't quite understand." "I talked to the studio." "And we're shutting down production on Spy Dog Three until we can find a replacement." "A replacement?" "You are gonna replace Beethoven?" "Honey, it's nothing personal." "Please." "It's just business." "(STAMMERING) I could fix it." "I could re-train him." "I could get him to do whatever you want him to do." "Eddie, there just isn't time." "Look the studio..." "We..." "I mean, the studio and I..." "We just think it's better for the picture if we just move on and find ourselves another Spy Dog." "I'm so sorry." "I see." "So that's it?" "You're firing us." "You're sticking us on a plane and sending us home?" "Oh, about that." "You are going to send us home, aren't you?" "We're no longer obligated to provide you with travel." "(GRUNTING)" "Charlene, do you know how much it costs to fly all the way back to California?" "I can't afford it." "Eddie, don't worry." "I've arranged for a car." "Yeah, yeah, that's right." "Beethoven." "The famous dog." "Yeah, he will be available for any new movie you've got coming around." "Fired?" "No, he wasn't fired." "It was what we in the business like to call creative differences, so... (CELL PHONE BEEPS)" "Hello?" "Hello?" "(PANTING)" "They hung up." "(SIGHS)" "Good day to you." "I represent Beethoven." "You might have heard of him." "The world-famous movie star dog." "Yeah." "Dog." "Yeah, so if you're interested in having" "Beethoven appear on your television show," "I'd be more than happy to discuss his fees with you." "Fired?" "No." "No!" "Why does everyone think that he was fired?" "It was just a matter of..." "We didn't think the producers were allowing him to show off to the best of his ability." "(CELL PHONE BEEPS)" "Hello?" "Yes, I'm sure Beethoven would be happy to make a live appearance at the opening of your new grocery store." "What does he charge?" "Oh." "Well, I'm sure we'll be open to negotiation..." "(BEETHOVEN FARTS)" "Beethoven!" "God!" "Ah." "Aah!" "I'll have to..." "I'll call you back!" "(TRUCK HONKING)" "Oh!" "I'm sorry!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "The brakes!" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(EDDIE SCREAMS)" "Oh." "Great. (SIGHS)" "You okay, buddy?" "All right." "Let's see what we did?" "(EDDIE EXHALES)" "(GROANING)" "Oh." "(PANTING)" "O'Malley's Cove." "(SIGHS)" "That must be O'Malley's Cove down there." "What do you say we find a gas station and have them check it out before we hit the road again." "All right." "Let's get going." "Come on." "Chop, chop, chop." "Hey, listen, buddy, I'm driving." "Out of here." "Okay." "Seatbelts on." "(SIGHS)" "(ENGINE SPUTTERING)" "Oh, no." "Oh, you have got to be kidding me." "Come on!" "(GROANS)" "(BEETHOVEN WHINES)" "Perfect." "EDDIE:" "Oh." "(EDDIE GRUNTING)" "(PANTING)" "Doesn't look like there's much treasure left in O'Malley's Cove." "I just hope the gas station's still open." "Can you at least take your paw off the brake?" "Please?" "Thank you, that's so much better." "All right, steer a little to the right." "ANNE:" "Legend says that after Captain O'Malley buried his treasure, he didn't want to share it with his fellow pirates, so he made up one true map and 11 fake ones with the wrong directions." "That way, if anyone stole his map, no one would be able to tell which was the right one or not." "To this day, nobody knows which one of these maps is real." "If any." "The location of Captain O'Malley's treasure has remained a secret for over 200 years." "LOUIS: 200 years. 200 years." "(SIGHS)" "Exactly how long it's been since we've had a customer in here, huh, Louis?" "What do you think?" "Maybe we'll just close up shop for the day?" "Oh, no, not again." "LOUIS:" "Find the treasure." "Find the treasure." "(SIGHS) Sam." "Not the cliffs again!" "Uh-huh." "Fella, you've got a problem." "Yeah, I know that, can you fix it?" "(SIGHS)" "Nope." "(LAUGHS) Why am I not surprised?" "Let me ask you this, is there another mechanic in this town." "Someone who, uh..." "Oh!" "Someone who knows how to fix a car?" "(LAUGHING)" "I know how to fix a car, mister." "I just don't have the parts is all." "I gotta order them from the city." "EDDIE:" "How long will that take?" "(PANTING)" "Tomorrow." "Tomorrow?" "Or the next day." "You know, it's hard to tell." "Just, take the car." "Do you know, is there a car rental place around?" "Nope." "Hey, Floyd Thursby down at the pier can rent you a rowboat by the hour, huh?" "Mmm-hmm?" "Oh!" "You know, there's no cell service." "Do you even have cell phones in this town?" "There's no call for 'em." "Hey, if you wanna get a hold of somebody, you just yell." "Look, um, Davey." "Uh, name's Phil." "Phil?" "Your sign outside says, "Davey Jones' garage."" "(LAUGHS) Yeah, that's just pirate talk." "You know." "For the tourists." "Arr." "(CHUCKLES) He liked it." "(LAUGHS) Okay, look." "What do you suggest I do?" "Well, Mrs. O'Malley's place over on Potter?" "You could stay there for the night." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "You don't seem to understand." "This is Beethoven." "(PANTING)" "The famous dog." "I gotta get him back to Hollywood." "You just don't understand, do you?" "It really doesn't matter." "I don't care what it takes, because I am not gonna waste one more minute in this... (BEETHOVEN BARKS) EDDIE:" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Don't..." "Bad dog!" "(SHOUTING)" "PHIL:" "Hey." "You gonna bring that back?" "EDDIE:" "Beethoven, what are you doing?" "Oh." "Please, stop running!" "Excuse me!" "Whoa!" "Whoa, doggie!" "Heel!" "(YELLS)" "ALL:" "Cheers!" "EDDIE:" "Oh!" "Dog!" "Excuse me." "Mayday!" "Oh." "Oh!" "(ALL GRUNTING)" "Ah." "Ooh!" "Whoa!" "Good catch, man." "(GROANS)" "EDDIE:" "Sorry." "Hey, come back here, boy." "Excuse me!" "(EDDIE PANTING)" "Stop!" "Where are you going?" "SAM:" "Help!" "Help!" "Help, please!" "Help!" "Anybody!" "Help!" "(BARKING)" "Come here, boy!" "Beethoven!" "Come here, buddy!" "(BEETHOVEN BARKS)" "(SAM GRUNTING)" "Help!" "Somebody help." "(GRUNTS)" "Oh, come on." "What the..." "Go get help." "Quick." "Get somebody, anybody." "I don't think I can hold on much..." "Aah!" "(GROANS)" "(SAM GRUNTING)" "Pull." "Yeah, come on, pull." "Yeah, good job." "That's it, boy." "Pull." "Come on." "Come on." "Almost there." "(GRUNTING)" "(SIGHS)" "Hey." "You okay?" "Wow." "You really could've hurt yourself." "What were you doing down there anyway, kid?" "(OUT OF BREATH) Looking for buried treasure." "For buried treasure, really?" "ANNE:" "Samuel Edward Parker." "How many times have I told you to stay away from these cliffs." "I'm okay, Mom." "Don't you understand how dangerous it is?" "You could've gotten killed." "(SIGHS)" "Mister, um..." "Uh, Eddie." "ANNE:" "Thank you." "Eddie Thornton." "But it wasn't me, it was really Beethoven who did all the work." "Beethoven?" "The real Beethoven?" "From the movies?" "Yeah, the real Beethoven from the movies." "This is him." "Aren't you, boy?" "ANNE:" "Well, wherever he's from..." "I'm glad he was here." "Thank you." "Yeah, thanks, Beethoven." "And this is going back to the museum where it belongs." "I told you, you cannot play with this." "I wasn't playing with it, Mom." "This time I measured the exact distance from the shoreline to where the treasure is." "You know what?" "I don't wanna hear about it anymore." "Because you are grounded for one month." "But, Mom!" "Oh!" "(HELICOPTER FLYING OVERHEAD)" "ANNE:" "Oh, Mr. Bruchschnauser." "Who?" "Fritz Bruchschnauser." "EDDIE:" "Who's that?" "He's the guy who wants to buy our town." "(FRITZ GRUNTING)" "Oh!" "You call that a landing?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Bruchschnauser, sir." "You should be." "Coat." "Gesundheit." "Coat!" "Oh!" "Yeah." "Stay here!" "Yes, sir." "Oh!" "SAM:" "He's a meanie." "Guten Tag." "My friends." "Why are we all here?" "ANNE:" "I'm very sorry, Mr. Bruchschnauser." "Sam, I want you to apologize to" "Mr. Bruchschnauser right now for coming in here." "No." "No, no." "No need for apologies." "No doubt the boy did not even see the fence (LAUGHS) or the big sign." "Big letters, "Keep out!" Ja?" "You know how kids are." "No." "I don't." "You really own all this land, Mr. Boogersugar?" "That is not the name." "Bruchschnauser." "Bruchschnauser." "Well, yes, I own all of this land." "It's part of my big plan to bring" "O'Malley's Cove into the 21st century." "Yeah." "Whether we like it or not." "Sam." "(FRITZ LAUGHING)" "You have a spirited boy here, don't you?" "Ja." "Maybe you should go, mmm?" "Ja." "No doubt, you have some baseball to play or some froggies to catch." "I don't play baseball." "Well, maybe you should learn." "ANNE:" "We are gonna go." "And, thank you so much." "You have a nice day, Mr. Bruchschnauser." "Bye, Beethoven." "(WHINES)" "All right, buddy." "Let's get going." "Hey, Beethoven, come on." "Hey, hey." "What's wrong, Beethoven?" "Come on, pal." "Come on." "Hey, hey, up, up." "This is interesting." "You have given the name of Germany's greatest composer to your dog?" "Oh!" "Yeah, I guess so." "No offense." "Oh!" "None taken." "But if I find him on my private property again," "I will call the authorities." "And they will have him tossed into the dog pound and throw away the key." "Auf Wiedersehen." "Everything go all right, sir?" "False alarm." "Just a boy and a dog." "Big dog." "You don't think they know anything do you, sir?" "It doesn't matter if they do." "By the time these water-logged peasants discover what it is we're doing, it will be too late." "(BOTH LAUGH)" "Why are you..." "Why are you laughing?" "I don't know, sir." "Then stop and fly." "(HELICOPTER TAKING OFF)" "Come on, buddy." "Let's get out of here." "What a friendly guy that was, huh?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Phil?" "Davey?" "Anybody?" "(KNOCKING)" "(WHIMPERING)" "Taxi?" "(GROANING)" "Still no cell service." "I guess we're stuck here for the night." "I hope this lady has room for us." "I do not care that he's part of your act, you knew the rules when you checked in." "It's right there on that sign." "No pets allowed." "And as our agreement clearly states, we will be keeping your deposit." "Have a lovely trip or whatever it is you do." "Goodbye!" "No pets allowed." "That's discrimination." "Come on, Steve." "EDDIE:" "So just stay here for one sec, okay?" "Be real quiet." "Stay right here." "Stay." "Stay." "Shh." "Shh." "(EDDIE KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Mrs. O'Malley?" "I heard you might have a room tonight?" "Breakfast is served from 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 a.m., no exceptions." "If you're at the table at 8:01 a.m., you're out of luck." "Well, I'll try and be on time then." "Ow!" "Are you being smart with me, young man?" "No, no, not smart at all." "Your last name is O'Malley." "Any relation to the town?" "It most certainly is." "My great, great, great grandfather sailed here from England in 1717." "And landed not one half mile from where we are standing." "Wow." "He was a pirate." "Mmm-hmm." "We do not use the P-word in this house." "No, no, no, no, no." "Captain Patrick O'Malley was an adventurer." "An explorer." "A gentleman." "Known far and wide by all." "Not only as a well-read scholar, but as a man of rare elegance and taste." "Who took to the seas in order to spread kindness and prosperity." "And with a handful of his fellow high-minded travelers, all of them equally intelligent and well-educated." "He set sail to the New World, on a great quest, to bring wisdom and knowledge for all." "(WATCH BEEPS)" "Life was grand for Captain O'Malley and his faithful and loyal crew." "And what little challenges they did face, forged a strong bond between the men." "(BOTH SHOUTING)" "And a great friendship was born amongst the crew." "They promised one another to stick together through thick and thin, allowing nothing to come between them until they reached their goal." "It's rum!" "GRACE:" "It was the bravery and courage of Captain O'Malley that served as a true inspiration to his men." "Aye, ya scurvy dogs!" "If I can't have the treasure, then nobody can!" "(LAUGHS)" "GRACE:" "And despite their many seemingly insurmountable obstacles, his crew were behind him, all the way across the ocean. (CREW LAUGHING)" "When Captain O'Malley touched the sand, he knew his journey had ended at last." "And in honor of their beloved captain they named this place O'Malley's Cove." "Hmm." "If he wasn't a P-word, why is there a skull and crossbones flag on his ship?" "The artist had a vivid imagination." "This way, please." "(WHIMPERING)" "And this will be your room, Mr. Thornton." "And just like the rest of the house, it has been appointed with priceless heirlooms." "Uh, the rug." "Ah!" "Why, the quilt on the bed." "Lovely." "And even my wrap." "(LAUGHS)" "Hand-knitted by my great great grandmother in the traditional O'Malley family weave, handed down from generation to generation." "(EDDIE MUMBLING)" "And this is why I ask all of my guests to treat my home as if it were their very own." "And of course, no pets allowed." "(THUD) Aah!" "What was that?" "(COUGHS) Oh, nothing." "I thought I heard something come from downstairs." "It's probably just the wind." "It's a terribly silly day." "Gah!" "Now what on earth is that?" "Oh!" "Termites." "Come on, buddy, you can do it." "Let's get your back paws up." "And up..." "And up!" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "GRACE:" "Mr. Thornton, may I come in?" "Just a minute." "You were right, it must have been the wind." "(CHUCKLES) Well, how do you like that?" "Well, then, if the room is satisfactory." "Oh, I'll take it." "No luggage?" "Oh, it's being sent." "Later." "All right then." "Just remember that breakfast is at... 7:00 a.m. sharp." "Yes." "And..." "No pets allowed." "(MUMBLING AGREEMENT)" "Yeah." "Oh, okay." "Good boy." "That was a good boy." "You did good." "It's hard to believe you were ever this little." "Hmm." "BILLY ON RECORDING:" "Hi, this is Billy." "EDDIE:" "Billy, hey." "Please, leave a message and I will call you right back." "Voicemail." "Have a great day." "Billy, hey, it's Dad." "(SIGHS) We got a little problem here." "Beethoven and I..." "We're working on the new movie, and we miss you." "So I just wanted to check in." "I hope, you're doing good at college." "And..." "And I love you." "Okay." "We'll talk soon." "It was a little white lie." "I couldn't tell him we got fired." "(SIGHS) Well, I'm beat." "What do you say we call it a night?" "I will make you a nice bed right here on the floor..." "Oh, no, you don't." "Do you know, if Mrs. O'What's-her-face sees one of your hairs on this bed we're both sleeping on the sidewalk?" "Get off." "Get off." "Off the bed." "Off the bed." "Come on. (GRUNTING)" "Off the bed." "Get off the bed." "Get off the bed." "Please, get off the bed." "(SIGHS)" "(SNORING)" "Oh, come on." "Quit hogging' the bed." "(GRUNTING)" "Ow!" "Ow, ow!" "Okay, just stay right there." "I'm gonna go downstairs and get you some breakfast." "And then I'll figure out a way to get you out of here." "But, stay." "Stay." "Stay." "Ah." "(GRUNTING)" "Oh, yes." "(GASPS)" "Hi." "Hi." "Wow, they say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but don't you think you're going a little overboard?" "My car broke down." "And this is the only hotel and that mean old lady doesn't allow pets." "You won't..." "You won't say anything about you know who?" "Oh, no, your secret is safe with me." "Thanks." "What is her problem anyway?" "Is she always such a mean old lady?" "We do not allow food in our rooms, Mr. Thornton." "I'm sure you will be very comfortable at the table." "Oh." "Hmm." "Now, Anne, please do not forget about the reception that we are hosting for Mr. Bruchschnauser today." "How could I forget?" "His name is on every billboard in The Cove." "(SIGHS)" "Well, I think the Bruchschnauser re-development plan is very important for our town." "We should be grateful for the opportunity he's giving us to invest in it." "Now where is my grandson?" "He'll be down in a minute, Mom." "Well, I can see we're going to need more bacon." "And sausage." "Sam!" "Yeah?" "GRACE:" "Breakfast!" "In a minute, Grandma!" "GRACE:" "Now!" "Okay, okay." "I guess I could try over there again." "(PANTING)" "(SCRATCHING ON DOOR) I said in a minute, Grandma." "Can't a guy get any privacy around here?" "Beethoven?" "Wait." "Beethoven, wait!" "Listen, I'm really sorry about what I said before." "I had no idea she was your mother." "Oh." "That's okay." "She drives me crazy sometimes too." "After my husband..." "it was just Sam and me." "And my job at the museum just didn't pay well, so here we are." "Wait a minute." "This town has a museum?" "Don't act so surprised." "O'Malley's Cove used to be quite the place, with shops and restaurants and lots of people." "Then the fishing dried up and so did everything else." "And if things don't change soon," "(SIGHS) our town's gonna go bankrupt." "And I don't know what we're gonna do." "What about that Mr. Boogersschnitzel?" "Mr. Bruchschnauser." "Yeah, maybe." "But then it's just gonna be his town, isn't it?" "Hey, I think there's somebody's upstairs that wants his breakfast." "Oh, thank you." "I'll see you later?" "Yeah." "(CHUCKLES)" "(SIGHS)" "Sorry, boy, that's all I've got." "You wanna see my treasure map?" "Hmm." "I've searched all across this side of the cliffs, and over here and down there." "I still haven't found anything yet." "But I'm going to, one of these days." "My dad said all I had to do was keep looking." "See, he even gave me his old backpack from when he as a kid." "He said it was all I needed to hunt for treasure." "(SIGHING)" "I just wish he was still here to help." "(GASPS) Oh, no." "Beethoven!" "Where are you?" "(CLATTERING) SAM:" "Beethoven!" "Oh, no." "Oh." "(GRUNTING)" "Oh, no." "Sam, I am so sorry." "Oh!" "We gotta get him dried up and out of here." "Sam, come on, you're going to be late for... (GASPS)" "Oh, what's he doing in here?" "EDDIE:" "Come on, buddy." "What's he doing in here?" "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "SAM:" "I'll get him." "I'll get him." "ANNE:" "Where's he going?" "Oh, Beethoven." "GRACE:" "Sam, where are you going dressed like that?" "Just getting some morning exercise, Grandma." "Anne." "Anne, you need to speak to your son." "There you are." "(GASPS)" "That boy is going to catch his death running around." "Well, now, why are you wet?" "That's a good question." "I'll tell you later." "Don't forget Mr. Bruchschnauser." "He is single, you know?" "(EXHALES)" "Oh!" "Okay, I don't think she saw anything, but..." "Mom, do you still have that map?" "Sam, I told you..." "But, Mom, listen, Beethoven's gonna help me find the treasure." "Aren't you, boy?" "Excuse me?" "Yeah, Mr. Thornton said so." "(GASPS)" "He did?" "No, no." "No, I didn't exactly..." "Yeah, you did." "You said if I really wanted to find the treasure," "I should get a dog, 'cause that's what dogs do." "Sniff for stuff and dig it up, right?" "Right." "Right." "But I didn't mean my dog." "(LAUGHS) Come on." "Oh, well." "Here's a dog." "So let's go." "Sam, I think you should go get dressed for school." "But, Mom." "Samuel." "Just go get dressed." "Thanks a lot." "Am I missing something here?" "So he wants to hunt for pirate treasure, what's the harm in that?" "I wish you would just mind your own business, Mr. Thornton." "(GASPS) Get down." "Get down." "Oh." "It's not the worst thing in the world." "What?" "If you ask me, I think he's a terrific kid." "He's got a great imagination." "ANNE:" "Well, I didn't ask you." "If you had kids you'd understand." "Well, I do have a kid." "His name is Billy." "He's in college now, but he was Sam's age when we got Beethoven." "It's just that, Mike, my husband." "He has filled Sam's head with all these crazy ideas about buried treasure and pirates, and of course none of it is real." "Seems pretty real to Sam." "ANNE:" "That's the problem." "If that's how he remembers his dad, does it even matter whether it's real or not?" "This isn't Hollywood, Mr. Thornton." "Around here we have to accept things for what they really are." "Not what we wish they could be." "Sometimes wishes come true." "(HUMMING)" "(BOTH EXCLAIMING)" "Not in O'Malley's Cove." "FRITZ:" "You fools!" "Where is it?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Bruchschnauser." "Don't worry, we'll find it." "FRITZ:" "I must have it!" "It's around here somewhere, I know it is." "FRITZ: it isn't!" "Aha!" "FRITZ:" "I cannot continue without it!" "Aha!" "I found it, sir." "You found it?" "Uh-huh." "It's right here." "Good." "FRITZ:" "Because if you had lost it," "I would have taken you out to the middle of the ocean and fed you to the fishes." "Well, lucky for me then." "Put it on." "(LAUGHING) Here we go." "The ensemble..." "(GASPS) ...is finished." "Oh." "Well?" "(BOTH LAUGH)" "How do I look?" "Let me adjust your bird, sir." "Don't touch the bird!" "It's perfect!" "When I have given my speech today to these simple-minded fishbillies, they will be begging me to take their money." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "The bird..." "Oh, yeah, it's in your mouth." "Fix it!" "You don't want that." "Good." "There we go." "Don't touch me." "Leave!" "I want to be alone." "Go!" "(LAUGHS)" "All of this will soon be mine!" "(BELL DINGS)" "PHIL: "Does anybody know how to fix a car in this town?"" "(PHIL LAUGHS)" "I'll show you, Mr. Hollywood." "I know how to fix a car." "How hard can it be?" "Chapter One." "Okay." "You just take this wire here, and this wire here." "And you put them right there." "(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)" "(EXPLOSION)" "(SIGHS)" "Chapter Two." "(COUGHS)" "Let's try one, okay?" "And..." "Jump!" "And jump!" "Come on, it's just one little jump." "All right, how about fetch, huh?" "You're a dog." "All dogs love to fetch." "Ready, and fetch!" "(WHIMPERING)" "I don't know what to do with you." "I don't know how to get your mojo back." "You won't jump." "You won't fetch." "Just forget it." "Let's just go back to the garage, get the car, and get out of town and..." "Hey, hey!" "Come on, Beethoven." "Fetch!" "Come on!" "Hi." "Hi." "Uh, we were just on our way to the museum and Sam was afraid he wasn't gonna get a chance to say goodbye." "Go get it!" "Good boy." "ANNE:" "Sam, don't get your clothes dirty!" "Come on." "Go." "Go get it." "Come on." "You know what?" "You can forget about that." "The dog just doesn't..." "Okay, go fetch." "Go get it." "Good boy, Beethoven." "Good boy." "Fetch." "Looks like he's doing a pretty good job of it now." "EDDIE:" "I didn't get a chance to say thank you for keeping our little secret." "I don't wanna get on the bad side of Mrs. O'Malley." "Oh." "Her bark's worse than her bite." "So's mine, sometimes." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "He's your son, I should mind my own business." "It's just, I get so worried, you know, with all this pirate stuff." "It's like he doesn't have any friends." "Until your dog came along, of course." "Yeah." "Beethoven has that effect on people." "He makes everyone happy." "(GIRL SCREAMING)" "Uh-oh!" "GIRL:" "Stop!" "What are you doing?" "You ruined it." "You've ruined my double Dutch." "And now your stupid dog is slobbering all over everything." "I'm sorry, Beethoven and I were just playing." "I was almost at my personal best until you came and wrecked it." "You could always start over." "No." "I Can't." "Why are you here anyway, Sam?" "Shouldn't you be off looking for pirate's treasure?" "Isn't that what you always do?" "You freak." "Oh, and by the way," "I'm having a birthday party tomorrow." "And you're not invited." "GIRL:" "Yeah." "(GIRLS LAUGHING)" "(MOUTHING) Thanks." "Callie, come on." "What was that all about?" "Nothing." "Let's just go, Beethoven." "(BEETHOVEN PANTING)" "(SIZZLING) Aah!" "ANNE:" "Well, good luck with your car, Mr. Thornton." "Thank you." "And, you could call me Eddie." "Oh." "(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Eddie." "SAM:" "Why do you have to go, Mr. Thornton?" "Don't you like O'Malley's Cove?" "EDDIE:" "Oh." "Yeah." "O'Malley's Cove, it's a great place to visit..." "Honey, Mr. Thornton is a very busy man, and he has to get back to Hollywood and make another movie with Beethoven, right?" "That's right." "I'm gonna miss you, Beethoven." "(WHINING) if you want, we could come back and visit sometime." "Oh, yeah." "I bet you can't wait to come back to O'Malley's Cove. (SCOFFS)" "Say goodbye to Mr. Thornton, honey." "Bye, Mr. Thornton." "See you, Sam." "Hey, call me Eddie." "(PANTING)" "Hello?" "Hello, anyone here?" "Hey." "Buddy, buddy." "We're going home." "Okay?" "Listen, I want you to wait right here, okay?" "Stay." "(WHINING)" "FRITZ:" "Nein, nein, nein!" "This is unacceptable." "Simon!" "Yes, sir." "I thought I told you to fix this." "How can I look like a pirate if the bird keeps falling off my shoulder?" "Yeah?" "And what is it with this?" "SIMON:" "Sorry." "FRITZ:" "What is wrong with this hat?" "SIMON:" "You have it on backwards, sir." "Yes." "Backwards?" "It's a simple question, is my car ready or not?" "Not exactly." "What does that mean, "Not exactly"?" "I kinda ran into a little snag." "Ah." "Yeah." "What..." "You know, I'm not sure about that eye patch either." "I'll just fix that for you." "Let me put..." "You're wrong." "Stop!" "That's enough." "Sorry, sir." "I don't care what you are trying to do." "We're late!" "Hurry up!" "(SIGHS)" "I need to get a new job." "Well, Beethoven, it looks like we're spending one more night here in O'Malley's... (CAR ENGINE STARTS) What?" "Hey!" "Hey, come back with my dog!" "Stop!" "Come back!" "Hey!" "Come back!" "Hey!" "That's my dog!" "Stop them!" "Dog thief!" "Hey, kid." "I'll give you 20 bucks if you let me borrow your bike for five minutes?" "Oh!" "(EXHALES)" "I'll bring it right back." "I promise." "(WOMAN LAUGHS)" "Hey!" "Stop!" "Come back!" "Sorry!" "My bad!" "Sorry!" "(YELLS)" "Watch out!" "Oh, no!" "WOMEN:" "Oh!" "Oh." "(BABY CRYING)" "WOMAN:" "Hey, watch it!" "Sorry!" "They've got my dog!" "Lookout, buddy!" "(YELLS) Coming through." "Ahhh!" "EDDIE:" "Stop!" "Stop!" "(BICYCLE BELL RINGING) Whoa-oh!" "Ahhh!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "(GROANS)" "Ahhh!" "(WHIMPERS)" "No!" "Get out of the way!" "Get out of the way!" "(SCREAMS) Get out of the way!" "(CRASHES)" "Holy mackerel." "FRITZ:" "When I first observed..." "No." "Ah!" "When I first laid eyes on O'Malley's Cove." "(FARTS)" "(WHINES) FRITZ:" "Simon, really?" "(STUTTERS) Sir, that wasn't me." "That was..." "Well, if that wasn't you, then who... (SNIFFS)" "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Ahhh!" "Oh!" "(GROANS) Oh!" "(FRITZ SCREAMS)" "(FRITZ GAGS)" "The window!" "(GAGS)" "The window." "(BANGS WINDOW)" "Baby lock!" "Baby lock!" "Baby lock!" "I'll get it." "I can't see, sir." "(SCREAMS) I can't... it burns." "Oh!" "(GAGS)" "(SCREAMS)" "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)" "Uh-uh-uh-uh." "Those are for guests." "Here." "Take this and circulate." "Hello." "Hello." "Anne, people are arriving." "Yeah, I'll be right there." "Is there something wrong?" "You've been very distracted ever since you got here." "No." "I'm fine." "Well, it's not Mr. Thornton, is it?" "I saw you looking at him at breakfast this morning." "Of course not." "That's ridiculous." "Well, whatever it is, there's no time today, because Mr. Bruchschnauser is due here any minute." "So, chop, chop." "Just go." "I wasn't looking at him." "I just glanced at him for a second." "It doesn't mean anything at all." "Excuse me, (PANTING) do you have any idea where the museum is?" "(EXHALES) Oh." "Thank you." "Oh." "For you." "Don't worry." "It's fresh." "(GAGS)" "Ugh!" "What?" "New rule." "(GAGS)" "No more spicy food before road trips." "But I told you, Mr. Bruchschnauser, that wasn't me!" "FRITZ:" "The presentation is beginning." "Hurry up!" "Yes, sir." "Right away, sir." "(PANTING)" "GRACE:" "Oh. (CHUCKLES)" "Mr. Bruchschnauser, how lovely to see you again." "Mrs. O'Malley, the pleasure is all mine." "Oh!" "(LAUGHS) (KISSES)" "Oh!" "GRACE:" "Uh, Sam, offer Mr. Bruchschnauser and his friend an hors d'oeuvre." "Some what?" "Uh, the tray, dear." "The tray." "Help yourself." "Oh, my goodness." "I'm so sorry!" "Children!" "Yes, I know." "You can go." "(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)" "GRACE:" "Well, please come in." "Oh, no, please." "After you." "FRITZ:" "Beauty before pirates." "Oh!" "(BOTH LAUGH)" "(FRITZ YELLS) GRACE:" "Oh, my goodness!" "GRACE:" "Are you all right?" "(PANTING)" "(WHINING)" "(BEETHOVEN WHINING)" "(BELL CLANGING)" "Oh." "Welcome, welcome, everyone." "I'm so happy to have you all here for this wonderful presentation." "(PANTING)" "Got you." "FRITZ:" "When I first laid eyes on O'Malley's Cove, its majestic vistas and its magnificent natural beauty," "I said to myself, "Fritz," ""what can you do" ""to make this place even more beautiful?"" "(CROWD GASPING)" "A shopping center." "(LAUGHS)" "The new Bruchschnauser Bay will be a total shopping experience!" "(SQUAWKS)" "Stores, services, beautiful." "And activities for the little kiddies too." "And wait until you see what we have planned for that old broken down lighthouse of yours." "(ALL GASPING) FRITZ:" "Ah!" "FRITZ:" "A food court." "(LAUGHS)" "I can smell it already!" "(PANTING)" "FRITZ:" "So, all you have to do is simply sign at the bottom!" "(SIGHS)" "That's it!" "And the future of O'Malley's Cove can begin." "(SQUAWKS) Right now. (LAUGHS)" "Uh..." "Hold on a minute." "This contract says you're going to own everything?" "(CROWD MURMURING) (CHUCKLES)" "Young man, it is not polite to interrupt grownups." "It is, when the grownup is trying to cheat people." "What?" "If you sign this, you're giving away the land, the beach, the water." "Everything that's good about O'Malley's Cove." "Everything that makes it a home." "Our home." "(FRITZ STAMMERS)" "(BELL CLANGING) Wait, wait," "(CHUCKLES) wait." "But look what you are getting." "We don't need that." "When I find Captain O'Malley's treasure..." "Oh, dear Lord." "(CROWD GROANS)" "Anne, do something." "Sam, Sam." "EDDIE:" "Excuse me!" "What do you want?" "(PANTING) Where is my dog?" "What dog?" "My dog that you kidnapped at the gas station." "What?" "I have no idea what you're talking about?" "Oh, really?" "FRITZ:" "Mrs. O'Malley!" "What is the meaning of this intrusion?" "GRACE:" "Mr. Thornton, are you telling me that you have a dog?" "Yes, I have a dog." "I'm sorry." "He's a Saint Bernard." "He's hairy, he slobbers all over the place and the last time I saw him, he was in the back of Mr. Boinkenfarfel's SUV." "Yeah, maybe you've seen him in the movies." "His name is..." "Beethoven!" "FRITZ:" "Beethoven!" "(LAUGHS)" "Yes." "Now I remember you." "(SQUAWKS) (BARKS)" "(GASPS) Louis!" "Come back, Louis!" "Oh." "(BEETHOVEN BARKS)" "I'll get him." "(GRUNTS) (GRUNTS)" "(GROANS)" "(SQUAWKING) Louis!" "(WOMAN SHRIEKS) (MAN YELLS)" "(CRASHES) Oops." "I'll get the car, Mr. Bruchschnauser, sir." "(SCREECHES) (SCREAMS)" "(GROANS)" "Get them to sign the papers!" "I'll get the..." "Whoa!" "(GRUNTS)" "FRITZ:" "Simon, what is going on here?" "Phew!" "FRITZ:" "Wait, wait, wait." "(BARKING)" "Remain calm!" "(GROANS) (GRUNTS)" "(GASPS)" "FRITZ:" "Simon, where are you?" "Beethoven!" "SAM:" "Stop!" "Beethoven!" "Mr. Bruchschnauser!" "Mr. Bruchschnauser, where are you, sir?" "You're not Mr. Bruchschnauser!" "SAM:" "Beethoven!" "Beethoven, come here!" "FRITZ:" "Simon, I need you!" "ANNE:" "Oh!" "Louis!" "Oh, no!" "Louis!" "Come here." "Louis." "Oh!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "(SHRIEKS)" "if I could just..." "SAM:" "Beethoven!" "(BARKING)" "Papers." "I need the papers." "Papers, please." "Did you sign?" "Thank you." "Mr. Bruchschnauser, sir?" "What are you doing?" "SIMON:" "Mr. Bruchschnauser, sir?" "Don't touch me!" "No, no, no!" "(SCREAMS)" "Mr. Bruchschnauser?" "(SNAPS)" "Ahhh!" "(GROANS)" "FRITZ:" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "GRACE:" "Mr. Bruchschnauser, where are you?" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "(SCREAMS)" "(SHRIEKS) Mr. Bruchschnauser!" "What's happening?" "SIMON:" "Mr. Bruchschnauser, sir?" "Help me." "Simon, pull it..." "SIMON:" "Sorry." "Sorry." "Sorry, sir." "(SCREAMS) I'm pulling!" "Sir!" "No, no, no." "Stop!" "I'll get the car, sir." "I'll get the car." "SIMON:" "Where's the exit?" "Here, boy." "Come here." "Come here." "(BARKING)" "(SCREAMS) (SCREECHES)" "SAM:" "Beethoven!" "Where are you?" "LOUIS:" "Bad dog." "Bad dog." "(BARKING)" "ANNE:" "Beethoven, don't jump on the..." "(SCREAMS) Oh!" "Ooh." "(FRITZ SCREAMS) SIMON:" "Right this way." "Do you have any feeling left in your nose, sir?" "Ahhh!" "It's broken, you idiot." "Oh!" "I am so terribly sorry." "This type of thing never happens around here." "Oh!" "Okay." "I hope you're happy, young man." "I hope you're happy." "Because of you and that beast, we may have lost our only chance to save O'Malley's Cove." "But, Grandma..." "(STUTTERS)" "You give this." "Just give that to your mother, and tell her to hand wash it, by morning." "Get away!" "Get..." "Oh, Mr. Bruchschnauser." "MAN 1:" "Absolutely ridiculous." "MAN 2:" "Gosh, that's just disgusting." "Well, that's the end of this." "Anne, I am so sorry." "I will apologize to Mr. Blachenpepper right away." "I will tell him it was all my fault." "No." "You don't need to do that." "EDDIE:" "Why not?" "I think Sam's right." "I think we need to keep our old lighthouse exactly the way it is." "But I thought you said if something doesn't happen right away, the whole town was gonna go bankrupt?" "(SIGHS)" "O'Malley's Cove is 200 years old." "We have survived storms, hurricanes, tidal waves." "We will make it through this too, somehow." "(SIGHS) Uh..." "We're gonna need a bigger mop." "SAM:" "Ew!" "Gross." "Hey, hey, hey, don't eat that." "Don't you know the camera adds ten pounds." "So, how many of these maps have you tried, anyway?" "All of them." "Twice." "Nothing, huh?" "No. (SIGHS)" "My dad said it's out there somewhere." "You think that's really true?" "Well, that kinda depends on what your idea of treasure is." "Let me ask you something." "If you were to find it, what would you do with it?" "Well, I'd like to give some of it to my mom." "And Mr. Harper needs a new boat." "And Mrs. Cook's roof is pretty leaky, I'd like to fix that." "And the rest..." "And the rest, what?" "I'd give it to our town, so people like Mr. Bruchschnauser can't come along and put fences up all over the place and build junk that makes it look the same here as everywhere else." "I don't know if your dad's treasure story is true or not, but I do know something that is true." "What?" "Your dad raised a pretty terrific kid." "Hey." "Has your Grandma told you anything about this shawl?" "Are you kidding?" "(IMITATES GRACE) "it's the traditional O'Malley family weave." ""Handed down from" ""generation to generation." "Generation to generation."" "So, it's a pretty old pattern, huh?" "Grandma says over 200 years." "Maybe more." "I want you to take a look at something." "Do you see what I see?" "Whoa!" "ANNE:" "What are you guys doing?" "Why are you looking at those maps?" "And why do you have Grandma's shawl?" "(EDDIE STAMMERS)" "Uh, okay." "(EDDIE STUTTERS)" "Just hear me out." "This may sound crazy, but I don't think this is just a shawl." "Huh?" "It's a map, Mom." "A treasure map." "And I bet it's the real one." "Mom." "Go." "You too." "Both of you." "(HUFFS)" "Now, I thought I told you not to encourage him with all that treasure-hunting stuff." "(SIGHS) I think you're making a mistake." "I think I almost did." "What is that supposed to mean?" "Good night, Mr. Thornton." "You know, in Hollywood, I'm considered a catch." "I'm tall, and I still have my own hair." "(ENGINE STARTS)" "And I got a really cute dog." "(SIGHS)" "(PANTING)" ""We hope you have enjoyed your stay" ""at O'Malley's Bed and Breakfast." ""We regret to inform you we are keeping your deposit," ""due to dog." ""Thank you."" "Oh, no, thank you." "Come on." "(SIGHS)" "(SIGHS) Hey, time for bed." "Where are they gonna go, Mom?" "(SIGHS) I don't know." "You liked him, didn't you?" "Who, Beethoven?" "(CHUCKLES) Mom, you know who I'm talking about." "(SIGHS)" "I'm sure Mr. Thornton is a very nice man." "Dad wouldn't mind, you know." "If you met a guy like Eddie." "(SIGHS)" "Sam." "He'd want you to be happy." "I am happy." "I've got you." "Good night." "Yeah." "Yeah, the Hollywood guy been in, but, you know, I haven't seen him all day, so..." "Oh, wait." "Hold on." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Hey." "You got a call." "It's some lady." "But make it fast, huh." "I'm about to lock up." "Anne?" "CHARLENE:" "Eddie, darling." "It's Charlene, sweetie." "How on Earth are you?" "(SIGHS) How am I?" "Well, that piece of junk you gave us broke down." "We've been stuck in the middle of nowhere." "So, yeah, other than that, everything's just great, thanks." "Oh, good, good." "And how is my favorite little doggie?" "You fired him last week." "Oh, I know, I know." "And I must admit, I'm beginning to have some second thoughts about that." "So, how's your, uh, replacement coming along?" "Well, actually, that's kind of why I'm calling. (GROANS)" "Cut!" "(CRYING) (CLUCKING)" "Okay, Beethoven." "We are going back to work." "I guess that Spychicken movie wasn't such a great idea after all." "Charlene said she was gonna send a car for us." "A big old stretch limo too." "What do you think of that?" "What's this?" "Mr. Bear?" "(CHUCKLES)" "I didn't think you even liked to play with Mr. Bear anymore?" "At least not since Billy went away to college... (WHINES)" "Oh." "So that's it." "(PANTING)" "That's what's been the problem all along." "You miss Billy, huh?" "I'm sorry, buddy." "You know, I got so caught up on trying to make you a movie star," "I forgot that sometimes you just need to be a dog." "(CHUCKLES) No wonder you like Sam so much." "(BARKS) (CHUCKLES)" "Yeah." "Sam is a good kid." "And his mom?" "(EXHALES) She's not so bad either." "But you know what?" "It doesn't matter." "Because we are going back to Hollywood, where we have taxis and hotels and decaf soy lattes, and we never have to hear the words" ""O'Malley's Cove" ever again." "Ever." "(WHINING) What?" "(WHINING)" "SIMON:" "I brought you some fresh ice." "FRITZ:" "Good." "(GROANS) Oh!" "No!" "That hurt." "I'm sorry, sir." "Don't touch me." "I'll just go up and cast us off." "No, no, no, no, no." "No, no." "You will do no such thing." "I have these sea monkeys hooked now." "And all I have to do is reel them in." "But I thought, after yesterday, you were gonna cancel the whole plan?" "Don't be so stupid." "The plan is working perfectly, we just had a little glitch." "A glitch?" "The boy and the dog." "Oh!" "(GROANS)" "So, what are we gonna do?" "Listen, this is exactly why" "I am the criminal mastermind and you are just the henchman." "First, we get rid of that boy." "And then" "Beethoven." "(IMITATES SYMPHONY NO. 5)" "(BOTH LAUGH)" "That hurts so much." "Aw." "(TAPPING ON GLASS)" "SAM: 26... 27... 28." "Come on, Beethoven." "Fifty paces this way." "(PANTING)" "Hey, where are you going?" "No, Beethoven." "This is for Sandra's party." "Sorry." "He hasn't had breakfast yet." "That's okay." "What's that?" "It's just my Grandma's shawl." "It's nice." "Uh..." "I'm taking it to the cleaners." "To get it cleaned." "It kinda looks like a map." "That's ridiculous." "Are you on one of your treasure hunts?" "Why do you wanna know?" "So you can laugh at me again?" "I didn't laugh before." "ANNE:" "Sam!" "ANNE:" "Sam!" "GRACE:" "Well, now, what's all the noise about?" "Sam's gone." "Oh, I'm sure he's around here somewhere." "What have you done with my shawl?" "I hung it in the bathroom." "Well, it's not there." "Of course it is, Mom, I put it there (HUFFS) when I got home last night..." "Ah!" "Well, now where are you going?" "To see a guy about a dog." "(GROANS) it's that beast." "I know it's that beast." "Are you sure this is it?" "It's what the map says." "Fifteen paces, that way." "But you don't have to come in if you don't want to." "Who said I didn't wanna come?" "Let's go." "BOTH:" "11... 12... 13... 14... 15." "Thirty paces, that way." "Okay." "BOTH:" "One..." "Two... 26... 27... 28... 29... 30." "Maybe you counted wrong?" "No, this is it." "Why would you need a map of an old graveyard anyway?" "Beethoven, don't do that." "Come on, leave it alone." "(PANTING)" "No way." "(CALLIE READING)" "Nice." "This is my great, great, great..." "A-bunch-of-greats Grandfather." "That isn't a map to buried treasure, it's just a map to Patrick O'Malley's grave." "My mom was right all along." "Dad just made the whole thing up." "There's no treasure." "There never was." "I'm sorry, Sam." "It doesn't matter." "Let's just get outta here." "Come on, Beethoven." "(SCREAMS)" "CALLIE:" "Sam?" "Sam, are you all right?" "Yeah. (GROANS)" "Can you climb up?" "Yeah, I think so." "Keep Beethoven away from the edge." "I don't want him to... (THUDS) (BEETHOVEN WHIMPERS)" "Sorry." "Yeah, no problem." "Uh..." "Just stay where you are." "I'll go find help." "Where am I supposed to go?" "You and that dumb story about my mother's shawl." "Now he's out there searching for treasure again." "Thanks a lot." "Hey, it's not my fault you can't keep track of your own kid." "Hey, Beethoven." "(WHISTLES)" "Where's my dog?" "(SCOFFS)" "Hey, it's not my fault you can't keep track of your own dog." "BOTH:" "Let's go!" "SAM:" "Hello?" "Anybody up there?" "(BEETHOVEN PANTING)" "Help!" "This is stupid, nobody can hear us." "What is it, boy?" "(WHINING)" "What have you found?" "Oh, it's just an old bone." "(SAM GRUNTS)" "(SCREAMS)" "(SAM PANTING)" "That must be him." "That's Patrick O'Malley." "(EXHALES)" "(BEETHOVEN WHINES)" "(INHALES SHARPLY)" "(EXHALES)" "(SQUEAKING)" "What's in there, Beethoven?" "(SCREAMS)" "(SPITS)" "Stupid bats, get out of here!" "(GRUNTS)" "(HONKING)" "EDDIE:" "Okay." "Let's just stay calm." "I mean, how hard can it be to find a 145 pound dog, and 10-year-old kid carrying a 200-year-old shawl?" "We wouldn't be looking at all if it weren't for you bringing up all that buried treasure crap again." "I'm sorry, but what is your problem with your kid having a little bit of fun in his life?" "I don't have a problem with him having a little bit of fun." "I have a problem with him doing all these dangerous things, maybe getting himself hurt." "(ANNE SIGHS)" "Or even worse." "I just can't risk losing him too." "I'm sorry." "I just didn't think that..." "(CELL PHONE RINGING)" "Oh, you have cell service?" "Yes?" "Mom?" "It's about your son." "Looks kinda scary." "(WHINING) You go first." "(GROANS)" "(GRUNTS)" "You really need to lay off the dog treats." "(GRUNTS)" "(FARTS)" "(GAGS)" "Beethoven." "(GAGS)" "(GROANS)" "That's the way out." "(EXHALES)" "Spiders?" "I'm not scared of spiders." "Beethoven, please tell me there's nothing on me." "(GASPS) Run!" "Let's get out of here!" "(BARKS)" "(GRUNTS)" "Come on, Beethoven!" "(GRUNTS)" "Pick up the pace!" "(BARKS)" "(GRUNTS) Ew." "(WHIMPERS)" "(GAGS)" "This is gross." "If you tell anybody about me being scared of spiders," "I'll never talk to you again." "(SPITS)" "Come on." "(SHIP HORN BLOWS)" "Gotcha." "That's the dog." "You were right, Sir." "Of course I was." "And now let us go fishing and get rid of this glitch, once and for all." "(ENGINE STARTS)" "FRITZ:" "Drive!" "So much for buried treasure." "Wish I'd never seen this stupid map." "Wait a minute." "Whoa!" "This is it." "Double whoa." "Come on, Beethoven." "Come on." "Almost there." "Come on." "Come on, boy." "Well, don't just stand there." "Help me." "Come on, dig." "Come on." "Come on, dig." "Sam!" "Beethoven." "Sam!" "(EDDIE CLAPPING)" "Sam!" "Beethoven." "Okay, we'll find him." "Beethoven!" "(SCREAMS) Oh..." "Sam." "Eddie?" "EDDIE: (COUGHS) I'm down here." "(GASPS)" "Are you okay?" "EDDIE:" "Yeah..." "Yeah." "I'm fine." "(PANTS)" "(SCREAMS)" "Yeah, I'm okay." "(GROANS) Ah!" "I'm okay." "And I think I know where they went." "SAM:" "Dig." "Dig, dig." "Dig!" "Keep digging, Beethoven." "I know it's down here somewhere." "I just know it." "(CLUNKING)" "Did you hear that?" "(WHINING)" "Listen." "(CLUNKS)" "Is it?" "Is that... it is!" "Beethoven, look!" "We found the treasure of Patrick O'Malley." "FRITZ:" "Well, you're half right." "(WHINING)" "You've found the treasure." "But now, it's the treasure of Fritz Bruchschnauser." "(CHUCKLES)" "(SPEAKS GERMAN)" "SIMON: (GRUNTS) This is so exciting." "You can't do this." "Oh, you'd be surprised of what it is I can do." "You know that idiotic dog of yours has given me a lot of trouble." "So I feel it's only fair that I leave this town with a little something." "(SAM GROANS)" "Don't you?" "(CACKLES)" "(SIMON CHUCKLES) Now, let us see." "(UNLOCKS)" "(GASPS)" "(SCREAMS) (SIMON SCREAMS)" "FRITZ:" "Oh!" "Yes!" "Ooh!" "(SIMON LAUGHS MANIACALLY)" "(FRITZ SCREAMS)" "What is it that you Americans say?" "Jackpot!" "That's what they say!" "That's what they say!" "Wait, wait, wait, wait, and wait." "Quiet." "Shh." "We are out in the open." "(CLAPS) Close the lid." "Go, go, go." "I win." "I'm the winner." "(CACKLES)" "Good." "Nice doing business with you, boy." "Oh." "Here is a doubloon for your troubles." "(LAUGHS)" "(COIN CLATTERS) (BOTH LAUGHING)" "(BARKING)" "This isn't fair." "I found that treasure." "You know, you should thank me for teaching you a valuable lesson so young." "Life is not fair." "Bye-bye." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Oh, yeah?" "I'll show him fair." "Well, what about the rest of the plan, sir?" "FRITZ:" "Oh, the rest of the plan is officially canceled." "(BOTH CACKLING)" "FRITZ:" "Okay, let's go." "(BARKS)" "(LAUGHS) Where should we go next?" "Ooh." "Mexico has some lovely old Aztec ruins (TIRES SCREECH)" "(WHIMPERS) that we could sell to the tourists. (LAUGHS)" "SIMON:" "Sí, Señor Bruchschnauser." "(WHIMPERS)" "What?" "What are you saying?" "Nothing." "Nothing, sir." "Good." "Keep quiet." "(TIRES SCREECH) (SCREAMS)" "Oh!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Oh, no." "No." "Spiders!" "Get it off!" "Get if off!" "(SCREAMS)" "Stop." "Stop." "Is it off?" "Is it off?" "It was just a couple of spider webs." "God, you're worse than Sam." "(BEETHOVEN BARKS)" "Beethoven!" "(BARKING)" "EDDIE:" "Hey, buddy, where's Sam?" "Sam?" "Sam?" "Don't worry, we'll find him." "We'll find him." "(BARKS)" "Where are we going, boy?" "Oh!" "(INDISTINCT CHATTER)" "Put that lovely box onto the boat." "Down below." "And Simon, prepare to set sail." "We leave in five minutes." "Yes, sir." "Call me "Captain!"" "Oh, great." "(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)" "WOMAN ON RADIO:" "Roger." "You're clear." "MAN:" "Hey!" "Where do you think you're going?" "Oh, look what we have here." "A stowaway." "(CHILDREN CLAMORING)" "(ALL SHRIEKING)" "ANNE:" "Oh, excuse me!" "EDDIE:" "Excuse us!" "(BOTH SCREAMING)" "ANNE:" "I'm sorry." "(GROANS)" "MAN:" "Happy birthday!" "(GIRL YELPS)" "Do you think he really knows where Sam is?" "Oh, yeah." "Either that or a truckload of dog food just drove through town." "(SHIP HORN BLOWS)" "(FRITZ CHUCKLES) (SIMON CHUCKLES)" "We're set to go, sir." "What did I tell you?" "Captain." "Good." "What are we gonna do about him?" "Who cares about him?" "Looks like a good swimmer." "Maybe when we get far enough out, we can toss him overboard and find out?" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Time to go." "Yes, sir." "What?" "Good." "Captain." "You won't get away with this." "Oh, people like you always say that, people like me always do." "Ooh!" "(CHUCKLES)" "(SHIP HORN BLOWS)" "EDDIE:" "Don't lose the scent." "Come on." "Wait, that's Bruchschnauser's boat." "You don't think he has anything to do with this, do you?" "(SNIFFS)" "Hey." "(SHIP HORN BLOWS)" "(PANTING)" "(GASPS) Oh!" "No!" "No!" "(GRUNTS)" "SIMON:" "Ugh!" "Yuck!" "(PANTING)" "Oh, my..." "FRITZ:" "What is going..." "Oh!" "(WHINES)" "(SCREAMS) (BARKS)" "Abandon ship!" "(SCREAMS)" "I can't swim!" "EDDIE:" "Hey, Beethoven." "FRITZ:" "Help me!" "(GASPS) I can't swim." "Catch!" "FRITZ:" "Simon!" "Simon. (COUGHS)" "Mr. Bruchschnauser!" "FRITZ:" "Help me!" "Thank you!" "That's it." "That's it." "(GRUNTS)" "SIMON:" "Follow the sound of my voice, sir." "Can you hear me?" "Mom!" "SIMON:" "Okay, I'm right here, sir." "Mom!" "SIMON:" "Captain, sir." "Captain Bruchschnauser." "I'm right here, sir." "Are you okay?" "SIMON:" "Over here, just reach, sir!" "(CHUCKLES)" "I thought you couldn't do that jump anymore, huh?" "(SIGHS) Maybe this time he had a reason?" "FRITZ:" "Get me up." "You idiot!" "I can't reach it..." "(POLICE SIREN WAILING)" "(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)" "MAN:" "All right, let's move." "There it is." "That's my boat." "MAN ON RADIO:" "Affirmative, Unit four." "We need all the handcuffs you can get." "MAN:" "And he stole my helicopter." "And my private jet." "Don't touch me!" "And my Rover." "POLICE OFFICER:" "Right around the side there." "POLICE OFFICER:" "Hold it right there." "Run!" "Wait!" "SIMON:" "No, no, no, no, no." "This way." "Over the side!" "FRITZ:" "No, no." "FRITZ:" "I'm innocent." "And my entire wardrobe." "Who are you?" "I am Fritz Bruchschnauser." "The real Fritz Bruchschnauser." "So who's that?" "He's an imposter." "His name is Howard Belch." "And he's not even German!" "(WHINES)" "See?" "Dad was right all along." "Yes, he was." "Hey, hey!" "Wait a minute!" "That treasure chest is mine!" "My men pulled it out of the ground!" "Your men pulled it out of O'Malley ground." "And according to the original town document, which I just happen to have at the museum, as long as there's an O'Malley, it belongs to him." "We'll see about that!" "Simon, call my lawyers." "Shut up, Howard." "You're wrong, Mom." "This stuff doesn't belong to me." "What do you mean, Sam?" "It belongs to the whole town." "We should use it to help O'Malley's Cove." "What do you think?" "I have the greatest son in the world." "So, you'll come back to O'Malley's Cove sometime, Mr. Thornton?" "Will I come back?" "Um..." "I'm not sure I really wanna leave." "Well, what about Hollywood?" "I never really liked decaf soy lattes that much anyway." "I just order them because everybody else does." "(CHUCKLES)" "But listen, if we really wanna put O'Malley's Cove back on its feet again, we're gonna have to do something to let the whole world know about this place." "We?" "I wonder how we're gonna do that." "MAN:" "Can I get a dolly over here?" "EDDIE:" "Okay." "Now remember, the bad pirates are trying to steal the treasure, so you need to protect it." "Got it?" "Got it." "EDDIE:" "Okay, everybody." "Let's do this." "Let's make a movie." "Eddie Thornton." "Charlene, how many times do I have to tell you, we're not coming back?" "That's right." "Beethoven and I are making our own movies now." "With a little help from our friends." "All right, people." "Let's move it." "Places, everybody." "Pirates, thank you very much." "Okay." "Let's get our butts in gear." "Come on!" "MAN:" "Ahoy there, lad." "Looks good." "I definitely wanna come in for a little more." "And here's your coffee, Mr. Thornton." "Uh, regular, just the way you like it." "Hmm." "Mmm-hmm." "We're gonna be in the movies." "Thanks, Grandpa." "What'd you say, Sam?" "Nothing." "Never mind." "Let's roll it." "(BELL RINGS)" "Beethoven's Treasure." "Scene one, take one." "GRACE:" "Off the set." "Get off the set!" "And..." "LOUIS:" "Action!" "(SQUAWKS)" "Action!" "(WHISPERS) Quiet on the set." "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "EDDIE:" "And action!" "(BARKS)"