"Right." "That's great." "No, I'm sure he'll be glad to see you." "Okay, so what's the cross street?" "I do know where that is." "Across from the wells fargo building." "Great. 1:00." "We'll see you there." "No, thank you." "Who was that?" "Remember how we were talking about karma?" "No, I don't." "Remember when I said if you put good energy out into the world good things will come back." "Well it worked." "That was a real client with a real job." " The drought is over." " Great, great." "So what's the case?" "He wouldn't say." "We're gonna meet him tomorrow." "His name is Roderick Brody." " I used to know someone." " No that's the guy." "He said you went to school with him." " Roderick Brody." " Yeah, he said you were old friends." "What's happening?" " Hello, Roger." " Washing your hands again?" " What is this the, tenth time today?" " What a freak." "You know, his hands are clean but his hair looks a little dirty." "What do you think?" "And is that watch right?" "Oh, man, it's 2:25." " Swirly time." " No, not swirly time." "Not again." "Actually that watch is two minutes fast." " Go grab the door." " Roger, wait." "How about this?" "I'll give you my bike for keeps and all my lunch money every day and I'll do your homework for the whole year." "Okay." "It's a deal." "But first, swirly time." "My hand hurts." "Mr. Monk where is your oven mitt?" "Come here, come here, come... you okay?" "What were you doing?" "He's back." "S07E14" " Mr. Monk and the Bully" " Thank you again for squeezing me in." " I'm happy to do it, Adrian." "Just something I still don't understand." "We already had an appointment for 3:00." "3:00 is too late." "You remember Roderick Brody?" "That's the bully from middle school who used to, you know." "In the lavatory." "Swirlies." "They're called swirlies." "He called yesterday." "I'm supposed to meet with him this afternoon." "What does he want?" "What do you think he wants?" "He wants to pick up where he left off." "I don't think a 50-year-old man is calling you back after all this time just to..." " To give you another swirly." " You don't?" " No, I don't." " Okay, look." "Roderick Brody changed my life." "Maybe as much as Trudy did." "He ruined everything." "It was childhood's end really." "You know I had a Bully in school too." "He would wait for me every morning outside the bicycle rack." "Excuse me." "Sorry to interrupt." "You went to your father for advice and he told you to face upto the Bully and the Bully backed down." " Yes, more or less, yes." " What a wonderful anecdote." "It'll give me something to think about at 1:00" " when my head is in the man's toilet." " Why don't you just cancel?" " Just say you're busy." " Natalie won't let me!" "It's the first paying customer we've had in three weeks." "Look, what I need is a note, okay?" "A note from you." "Something I can show Natalie to get me out of this." " I'm not gonna write you a note." " You don't have to write it." "It's already written." "All you have to do..." "is sign it." "Adrian, this isn't gym class." "Now you've been talking about this Roderick Brody since the first session." "And as I recall, you're still having nightmares about him." "I think this meeting today is a gift." " It's an opportunity." " Maybe you right." "Let's sign the note." "It's an opportunity to confront your deepest and most troubling fears." "To finally resolve them." "Put them all behind you." "Not many people get this chance." "I see your point." "I never looked at it like that." " Can I have the note back?" " Sure." "Wait a... you're not planning to forge my signature?" "God." "Let's just hear what he has to say." "If you're not comfortable, we'll leave." " I promise." " Really?" " I'm not comfortable." " Come on." " Not comfortable." " Mr. Monk, we haven't even said hello." "Wait." "Wait." "Okay wait!" "Okay, wait, wait." "What is that?" "Is that a shower cap?" "Sometimes he'd let me wear one." "Mr. Monk, I don't think we're gonna be needing that." "And you must be Natalie." "Marilyn Brody." "Roderick is so looking forward to this." " I'm sure he is." " Come in." "Please." "What a beautiful home." "Thank you." "You are very sweet." "Really, it's a work in progress." "We're redoing all the bathrooms upstairs." "Which reminds me I need to call the contractor." " We're having a party in three weeks." " Did you get married here?" "Yes, there was no reason to rent a big hall." "I don't have much family." "I was adopted." "Just one aunt in Texas." "She didn't even make it." "Well I had a small wedding too." "I think they're the best." "He's obviously busy." "So it's too bad we missed him." "But we should go, Natalie." "We missed him." "No, you can't go." "He's right upstairs." "I'll tell him you're here." " It was so nice to meet you." " You too." "She seems nice." "How bad could her husband be?" "Doesn't always work like that." "Eva Braun took in stray puppies for god's sake." "At least we know his checks won't bounce." "Look at that thing." "That is hideous." "God." "He's warming up." "Shower cap." " No." " Shower cap!" "Give it." "You don't need it." "Phil, shut up and listen, okay?" "It's not a complicated thing." "It's not his money." "It's my money." "You tell him this." "Screwing with me on this is a career decision." "He'll get the message." "Look at you." "You haven't changed at all." "You still got that germ thing?" "He was always afraid of touching people." "Natalie Teeger, designated hand-shaker." "We were just admiring your beautiful home." "Yeah, gets the job done." "If you don't mind my asking, is this an original?" " Well it better be, what I paid for it." " Yeah, it's beautiful." "Thanks, yeah." "Marilyn picked it up on our honeymoon." "It's porcelain." "I don't gotta tell you about porcelain." "Do i, swirly?" "It was a little nickname we had for him back in the day." "Remember those shenanigans in the boys'room?" "Good times." "I got a study back here." "We can, talk in private?" "Shenanigans." "Want a drink?" "Well I got plenty here if you change your mind." "Listen, Adrian, I gotta be honest." "I've heard stories." "I heard you went a little crazy since we graduated." "Now I just need to know, is it funny crazy or sad crazy?" " Funny crazy." " Sad crazy." "Excuse me." "There's something that I have to say." ""You stole something from me." ""You stole my childhood." ""The boy that you tormented has grown" ""into a broken man." ""I am now damaged goods." ""I will never recover from the wounds "that you inflicted on me." ""I will never forget you." "And I will never forgive you."" "So it's sad crazy." "No, I think Mr. Monk is talking about what you did to him in the seventh grade." "You tortured him." "Kids." "What are you gonna do?" "Let's have a seat?" "I really appreciate your coming, Adrian." "I know that Marilyn thinks this is about some union business at the landfill." "But the fact is..." "this is a personal matter." "I need your help, Adrian." "I hear you're a big shot detective now." "No surprise there." "I always knew you had it upstairs." "This is hard for me." "It's probably hard for any guy." "I think Marilyn's been stepping out." " Really?" " Yeah, I didn't believe it either." "Me and Marilyn, we've always been, you know, rock solid." "At least that's what I thought." "Last week she told me she was going out of town with some girlfriends, but she never left." "I saw her." " Well where was this?" " Lafayette square two days ago." "It was just a random thing." "I was in a cab." "There was a red light." "And there she was..." "Crossing the street." "She was meeting someone." "I could tell the way she was walking." "The way she was dressed." "It's been eating me up." "I gotta know where was she going." " It's a good question." " Mr. Brody, I'm sorry." "We don't take on matrimonial cases." "We could give you the name of a private." "Hold on, Natalie." "I've known rod for years." "Well..." "He's one of my..." "Oldest friends." "I think we can make an exception." "I'll take the case." "What was that about?" " She's cheating on him." " We don't know that." "Of course we do." "It has to be true." "It's always true." "And I get to tell him, Natalie." "This is gonna kill him!" " Mr. Monk, you can't enjoying this." " I am loving it." "Look, it's a beautiful day." "I think the sun's coming out." "Oh, my god." "This is better than a swirly." "I win." "Do you understand?" "After 40 years, i win." "Okay, he said he lost track of her right here." "Which way did she go?" " That way." " I don't think so." "She was wearing high heels." "That's a cobblestone street and it's all uphill." "So west?" "No, there's nothing between here and the pier." "All right, well that leaves north or south." " That way." " Why that way?" "I feel Lucky!" "Isn't this a great case?" "Isn't this the best case ever?" "I've never seen you like this." "I never knew revenge could be so sweet." "And what makes it even sweeter?" "Give up?" "Roderick Brody is paying for it." "He is footing the Bill for his own comeuppance." "And that is the best kind of comeuppance there is." "Excuse me, kind sir." "Have you seen this woman?" "She's cheating on a guy who used to put my head in a toilet bowl." "Mr. Monk, don't you feel bad even a little?" "I mean if you're right, this could destroy their marriage." "You're the one who's always talking about karma." "What goes around comes around." "Isn't that what you said?" " That isn't what I meant." " Of course it is." "Of course it is." "That looks promising." "Come on." "Hi, excuse me." "Hi, we're looking for this woman." "You a cop?" " Just an old friend." " Haven't seen her." "Maybe General Washington can refresh your memory." "Is that a dollar?" "Okay, I get it." "Who knows?" "Maybe there are..." "Two General Washingtons." "Where are you going?" "Where's he going?" "Got to admire the guy." "He's incorruptible." "She's right over there." " Oh, my god." "It's true." " Oh, my god." "This... is going to kill him." " He's actually kind of cute." " Even better." "All right, I get to tell him." "That's the deal." "I can't wait to see his face." "What is that?" "Is that your camera?" "Where did you get that?" " It was a birthday gift." " From who?" "Thomas Edison?" "It was from my nana." " Wait, is there actual film in it?" " Of course there's film in it." "I have three pictures left." "There's not enough light." "So..." " Is that a flash cube?" " Bingo." "Hold this." "Hold it." "What are you doing?" "It's an old private eye trick." "Hold that." "I'm gonna use it as a mirror." " Hurry up." "Take the picture." "Take it." " That way's too much." "You like that soon?" "Sir, would you mind taking our picture?" "Madame, I would be honored." "Thank you." "Here you go." "It's ready to go." "I got the same model myself." "A gift from my nana." "Okay, sir, if you wouldn't mind standing right..." "There." "Okay, can you see us?" " I gotcha." " Okay, if you could stand right there." "Right?" "And on the count of three." "One." "Two." "And three." "Well... you're right." "His name is Douglas Fendle." " Do you know him?" " Fendle?" "No." "Are you sure?" "Young, strapping, good-looking guy." "Viral." "You don't know him?" "She met him at a bar on Vinton street, had a couple of drinks, and" " he left first." " Yeah, the viral guy left first." "We followed him to the Avalon hotel on Jackson place." " Roderick, I'm really sorry." " Yeah, we're really, really sorry." "I don't see anything." "Well that film expired about 35-40 years ago." "But that's her." "If you want to cry, go ahead." "We understand." "I can't see anything." "This doesn't prove anything." "You know it's her." "Right?" "Because you saw her on the street." "That's why you hired us." "You know, to tell you the truth, I'm not so sure about that anymore." "The woman I saw, maybe she wasn't Marilyn." "My eyes aren't so great." " I could've been wrong." " No, no, no." "You weren't wrong." "It was her." "I'm just, I'm not convinced." "I need some real proof." "You know last night was our anniversary and Marilyn surprised me." "She bought us tickets." "We're going on a cruise." "Like a second honeymoon thing." "I think we're in a good place." "No, no." "You're in a bad place." "You're in heartbreak hotel." "Look at the next one." " Is that a... spoon?" " Yeah, look closer." "See the reflection?" "See, that's them." "That's your wife." "That's your beloved wife." "This is killing you." " I don't see it." " No, it's eating you up." "You know what?" "You're probably right." "It the bar was dark." "She was across the room." "We probably have the wrong girl." " Mr. Monk, we made a mistake." " Zip it." "Zip it." "This is the worst day of your life, right?" " Are you crying?" " A little bit?" "Adrian, i'm still gonna pay you." "If that's what you're worried about." "What?" "The gun?" "Don't worry about that." "I got a permit." "We live in uncertain times." "For your troubles." "All right, how about this?" "I'll keep digging." "I'll get a better camera." "I'll get a digital computer camera." "So there won't be any doubt." "Adrian, I appreciate it." "But just forget about it, all right?" "It's over." "You're off the clock." "Great." "Great." "Great." "It took you long enough." "Did you get it?" "Is it a good one?" " Looks good." "She looks happy with it." " Yes, she does." " And she's very hard to please." " Where's the telescope thing." "It has a automatic zoom, so it's built-in." "Built-in?" "Excellent." "Mr. Monk, it's not heart surgery." "If we leave right away, we can be at her house by 8:00." "We can follow her all day." "Yeah, look, Mr. Monk, I have to tell you something." "I made a decision." "If you want to keep following mrs." "Brody, I suppose that's your right." "Although it really isn't." " But I can't help you anymore." " Why not?" "I'm just not comfortable." "Her husband fired us." "It's what they call pro bono." "No, pro bono is for lawyers." "This is stalking." "No, this is comeuppance." "Pro bono comeuppance." "No, that is just crazy talk." " It's not crazy talk." " Pro bono comeuppance?" "It's craziest talk there is." "You heard what he said." "He wants you to quit." "I wanted him to quit!" "I begged him to quit 40 years ago in stall number three." "Yes, he is right here." "The avalon?" "Sure, we know it." "We were just there." "Wait, what's his name?" " Oh, my god." " What happened?" "His name is Douglas J. Fendle." "Or, rather it was Douglas J. Fendle." "I guess still is." "But doesn't matter." "Let's move on." "He was 37, unmarried, from Chicago." "Mr. Fendle was an attorney." "He worked at a small law firm." "Shellman, Reznick, and Link." "Mostly family Law." "Wills, adoptions." " Hey, you okay?" " Dynamite." "Are you gonna, you know, take a look around?" " Yeah, right." " Good." "Look, I talked to his boss." "She said he was on vacation." "She didn't even know he was here." " Interesting." " According to the clerk, he checked in three days ago." "Kept to himself." "Housekeeping found the body this morning." "Doctor tee puts the time of death at 8:00 or 9:00 pm last night." " He was stabbed three times." " Ouch." "There was money still in his wallet, so it wasn't a Robbery." " Wasn't a Robbery." " Yeah, and... there was no forced entry." "He let the guy in." "I think he knew him." "I think he did too!" " I think you're right." " Excuse me." "Let me talk to you for a minute please." "Do you think Roderick Brody did this?" " Well he said he didn't believe us." " Apparently he reconsidered." " Well that's horrible." "A man is dead." " Yeah, I know." "And that's a murder in the first degree." "And you know what that means?" "Prison Swirlies." "Prison Swir." "You don't even want to know about prison Swirlies." "They're not even technically real swirlies." "You were right about karma." "It is fantastic." "Thanks for coming." "I was downstairs doing a little dumpster diving." "Can't find the murder weapon." "There's a steak knife missing from that service tray." "I guess he took it with him." "So, what do you..." "What do you think?" "You okay?" " Are you happy?" " I love my work." "Is that a crime?" " I think they knew the guy." " Know wha..." " What?" "You know this guy?" " Don't." "Don't" " Technically." " know him." " Never met him face-to-face." " Never formally introduced." "Sort of." " We've been following him." " Right." "You were following him?" "I wonder why." "Well he was seeing a woman." "A married woman." "And" " we were following her." " You were following the woman." " I wonder why." " Her husband hired us." "Until you hear different, I wonder why?" "What?" "What are you doing?" "You're doing divorce work now?" "No, he was just doing a favor." "He was an old friend of Mr. Monk's." "Wouldn't exactly say he was a friend." "More of an acquaintance actually." "He beat me up every week for three years." "And that would explain the stupid grin on your face." " You think you're getting even." " I know I'm getting even." "So your pal, you told him about the affair." "And you told him that Fendle was gonna be here." "I think your pal just made the top of my to-do list." "What's his name?" "Actually we can't tell you that." "Technically he's a client so it's privileged information." "We could contact a lawyer or a third party." "23 orchard circle." "B-R-O." "That looks like an A. B-R-O-D-Y." " Roderick Brody." " Well let's go talk to him." "Prison Swirlies." "Didn't have to drag me down here." "I could've talked to you at my office." "Well I'm more comfortable here." "I got my own coffee mug." "I got the AC set just the way I like it." "Yeah, well can I at least call my wife?" "We've already called her." "She's on her way." "So let's start at the beginning." "You knew Mr. Monk from the neighborhood." "You hired him to follow your wife." "He told you about Mr. Fendle." "Told you about Fendle at the hotel." "Yeah, but it wasn't my wife." "The woman you saw in that bar." "It wasn't Marilyn." "Couldn't have been." "I told you about your wife and Mr. Fendle." "And then two hours later, Fendle was dead." "It looks pretty bad, Roddy." " Skipping ahead. 8:00 last night?" " I told you." "I was home... with Marilyn." "We rented a movie." "What's the matter, Roddy?" "You look a little flushed." " Get it?" " No." " Neither do i." " Flushed?" "He gets it." "Trust me." "He gets it." "We'll take it from here, okay?" "Thank you." "I bet the room is just swirling around you right now, isn't it?" "It's swirling all around." "Your whole life is about to go down the drain." "Wait, I have more." " Your thoughts are overflowing." " Just wait for Marilyn." "When she gets here she tell you." "We were together all night." " I never left her side." " I'm sorry, baby." "Thank god." "Marilyn, you gotta tell these guys about what we did last night." "I know, I know." "What you want me to say but I..." "I can't lie for you after what you did." " What?" " The truth is that I..." "I was in love with Doug Fendle." "Last night," "I told Roderick the truth." "I tried to." " What are you talking about, Marilyn?" " Mr. Brody, let her talk." " What happened?" " He got furious." "He said he was gonna kill Doug." "And then... he left." "What are you doing." "What time was this?" "7:30." "He left for about, I don't know, two hours." "And when he came back, he was..." "Bloody." "This is ridiculous!" "I don't know why she's saying this." " Sit down!" " What are you doing?" "It's okay." "Go on." "When I came downstairs, Roderick was by the fireplace." "He was burning his clothes." "That is totally insane!" "She's lying to you!" " Sit down." " He gave me this." "Told me to get rid of it." "I'm going to step outside for a moment." "A little fresh air." "There you are." "What are you doing?" "Listen." "You hear that?" "Birds." "They're singing." " Is that a lark?" " I don't know." "You know how I feel?" "Liberated." "I should've confronted that SO." "You-know-what years ago." "B. I still can't believe I won." "Yeah, I don't think anybody really won anything." "You're right of course." "You're right." " Except me." "I won big time." " Are you gonna start singing?" "I could!" "I almost could." "You know what I am gonna do though?" "I'm gonna do a Cartwheel." "I'm gonna do a Cartwheel right here." "You might want to stand back." "It's my first Cartwheel." "That's perfect." "Plenty of room there." "Great." "I'm gonna do it right here." "What am I doing?" "A man's been killed, right?" "A man was stabbed to death." "Yeah, that's what I've been saying." "This is no time for Cartwheels." " Why don't I listen to you?" " I don't know." "On the other hand, I have been waiting 40 years for this." "I mean this is a moment to savor." "It may never happen again." "I'm doing the Cartwheel." "I am doing it." "I can't do it." "It's ghoulish!" "I mean..." "One man dead, another man going to jail." "Am I a ghoul?" " No, you're not a ghoul." " What is a ghoul?" " I don't know." " I don't care!" "That is my arch enemy!" "One Cartwheel." "I gotta do it." "I can't do it." " Natalie, do the Cartwheel." " What?" "Come on, it's a good compromise." "Cartwheel by proxy." "And don't forget to say "wee." Gotta say "wee!"" "What happened?" "He had a gun." "And..." "I'm sorry, i'm so bad with names." "Sorry to bother you." "Something's come up." "Honestly this isn't a great time for me." "I'm in the middle of so me business." " It'll just take a minute." " Okay." "I'll be right with you." "Mrs. Brody, we're all set here." "It'll take me a couple days to open the new account." "Thank you so much for helping out, Eric." "Especially on such short notice." "It's your money too, Marilyn." "I'll have someone from the grand cayman branch call you, okay?" "Afternoon." "Well, it certainly does seem that Roderick could be going to prison for quite some time." "I never should've told him about Douglas." "Well I..." "I knew what he was capable of and... anyway." "I'm sorry, Mr. Monk." "Can I help you with something?" "You had a question." "Yes, right." "You mentioned last night your husband was upset." " He stormed out of the house." " That's right." "What car was he driving?" "What car?" "His car." "Right, so..." "here's my problem, mrs." "Brody." "Your husband keeps a handgun in his glove compartment." "I saw it." "So why a steak knife?" "How did he even know the steak knife would be in the hotel room?" "Maybe he took the handgun with him and then realized at the last moment it was too loud." "He changed his mind." "Maybe." "Maybe." "I'm so sorry I can't be more helpful, Mr. Monk." " Are you gonna be okay?" " Yeah, I'm gonna be fine." "My aunt is flying in tomorrow." "I just have to take this one day at a time." "That's the way to do it." "Sorry to bother you." "I have some papers for you to sign." " Where is my husband?" "You've got other things to worry about." "Believe me." "You know, if you don't want to sign them, you don't have to." "My signature." "Close enough." "A cop named Monk stopped by today." "He was smart." "Too smart." "We are gonna have to accelerate our schedule." "Which is too bad, because we were just getting to know each other." "It's fun having a sister, isn't it?" " You okay?" " Am I okay?" "I don't know." "I guess I'm everything." "Angry." "Confused." "Scared." "I can't get my head around this." " You think you need a lawyer?" " I got ten lawyers." "Just..." "I never thought i'd need 'em for this." "Well, I have some news." "I've decided to help you." " I thought you were helping me." " Well," "I've decided to really help you." "Until now I've sort of..." "been faking it." "The truth is I was hoping that your wife was cheating on you." "I was... sort of... glad when you got arrested." "You were glad." "Well... figured" " it was payback." " For what?" "For what?" "For... for what?" "For seventh grade!" "For ruining my life!" "Weren't." "Weren't you listening?" "Are you talking about the swirlies?" "You used to terrorize me." " You gave as good as you got?" " What are you talking about?" "You didn't just roll over like a lot of those kids." "I remember." "You called me names." "You hurt my feelings." " And you splashed me." " I splashed you?" "But I don't dwell on it." "What am I gonna do?" "Hold a grudge for 30 years?" " I figure we're even." " Don't believe this." "I..." "I cannot believe this." "You mean, you never even... do you have any idea... okay, all right, okay let's move on." "Okay, let's just..." " talk about your wife." " Okay." "I think she might've been lying about last night." "I know she's lying." "I just can't figure out why." "I've been sitting here for two hours" " Wrecking my brain." " Racking your brain." "Here's what I know, okay?" "I know I didn't do it." "And I know she didn't do it cause I was with her all night." "Where did she get... the knife." "I don't know." "Where did she get the knife?" "I can't figure it." "Something's going on here but I..." "are you okay?" " That's me." " Yeah." " It's a mirror." " Oh, my god." " She did it." " Who did what?" "Marilyn." "Your wife." "Last night she was at the hotel." "She killed Doug Fendle." "I feel like I'm in eighth grade geometry class here I don't understand." "I told you I was with her." "Was she with me or was she at the hotel?" "And no." "She was with you... and she was at the hotel." "She was both." "Twins." "Hey, sis." "How you feeling?" "Those are some pretty strong tranquilizers I gave you." "You know," "I didn't even know I had a sister until that." "That lawyer Doug Fendle came knocking." "His firm represented our adoption 35 years ago." "Can you believe that?" "And now..." "you're worth what?" "$9-10 million?" "I never even had a savings account." "Doesn't really seem fair, does it?" "You were right." "She has a twin sister." "A patrice Gesner." "They were adopted by different families 35 years ago in Milwaukee." "Papers were sealed." "They never knew each other." " I think they both in there." " Look around?" "Not yet." "Rodriquez is getting a warrant." "He'll be here soon." "So identical twins?" "That's one for the books." " Yeah, I'm pretty sure I said twins." " Randy, you always say twins." "You've been depressed." "And you've been drinking." "They're gonna find your body in the bay near the bridge." "The bay is salt water so I have to add this." " So how did you know?" " Little things." "They began to add up." "When I first met her, she mentioned her aunt in Texas." "Just one aunt in Texas." "She didn't even make it." "She pronounced it "ant." This morning, she said:" "My aunt is flying in tomorrow." "And the fingernails." "Two days ago, she was biting them." "This morning they were long and perfectly manicured." "It's time for your bath, sis." "This might hurt a little." "I wonder if I'll feel it." "Probably not." "It's not like you felt my pain for the last 35 years." "Roderick's wife wasn't cheating on him." "The woman saw last week was her sister." "Yeah, we weren't following Marilyn." "We were following her twin." "This morning while we were all at the police station, the sister was here." "She was switching places." "She was gonna Kill Roderick too to get him out of the way until we arrested him." "We just made her job easier." "Arrested?" "I'll be right there." " Okay, why did she kill Fendle?" " Fendle was her partner in all this." " But she didn't want to cut him in." " There was a banker here this morning." "She's been moving Roderick's money to offshore accounts." "Funny thing is you probably don't even know my name." "It's Patrice." "I think she's planning to kill Marilyn and then disappear." "Patrice, I beg you." "I'm begging you." "Please, no!" "It could be going down right now." "Where the heck is the warrant?" "Help!" " What was that?" " Probable cause!" "Help!" "Somebody help!" "Step away from her now!" "Now!" "It's okay." "It's okay." "How do we tell'em apart?" "Say aunt." "Let's arrest the one that wasn't drowning." "Yeah." "Yeah, that works too." " Hope he has the right sister." " I can't look." "This is the worst comeuppance ever." "You lied to me." " About what?" " Karma." "You're blaming me for this?" "Yes, I am." "I just want to say thanks." "You saved my family." "Saved my life." "Glad I could help." "Yeah, and hey, about this swirly thing." "No hard feelings, right?" "All right." "I'll see you around." " Nice to meet you." " Good to meet you." "What's a swirly?" "We used to fool around back in the day." "You know, horseplay after school." "He was a funny kid." "He used to wash his hands, like, ten times a day." "Listen." "Do you hear that?" " What?" "The birds?" " Not the birds." "Don't you hear that?" "The toilet tank refilling." "Toilet tank of life." "Come on, Mr. Monk." "I'll drive you home." "It's what plato called the great cosmic swirly." " There's no escaping it." " Plato said that?" "I'm paraphrasing." "I'm gonna need that shower cap back."