"Previously on Greek:" " I want to rush a fraternity." " You're not fraternity material." "Who'd choose to hang with drunkards whose goal is to fornicate on as many vapid sorority girls as possible?" " That's unfair." " I'll pray for you." " Rusty Cartwright." " The spitter?" "I say he's in." "Anybody got a problem?" "You're Casey's brother?" "I'm her boyfriend." "I'm Evan." "I found out you had sex with Evan?" "I did!" "Rush night." "And it was amazing!" " Evan is my boyfriend." " How awkward for you." " So, what do I do?" " Do what you need to make it right." "How about some breakfast?" " Later, Cap." " Aww, we're not gonna cuddle?" " You're staying with him?" " Don't judge me!" "I want to be part of your life." "I'm not gay." "We were just drunk." " Who sent it?" " Bet it's Rebecca." "Someone else is holding the camera." " Delete it." " No..." "You wanna start this?" "It's already started." "Get your crap outta my room, Little Sis." " Hey." " Spitter?" " On a school night?" "Library burn down?" " No." "I finished tonight's problem set in record time." " So I'm..." "I'm here to let loose." " You're in luck." "My sandwich and I were about to watch the game." "Join us?" " I'm in." " Let's do it." "Zoinks." "Looks like we're gonna have to wait about 12 minutes." "Game of pool?" "Sure." "Well, it looks like you pledges are gonna have to steam clean that later." "What, is everyone hooking up tonight?" " I had a really nice time tonight." " Me too." "But, you know, the night is not over yet." "How..." "How about I change into something a little more comfortable?" "Be my guest." "Much better." "Ooh!" "Frasier is on!" "Brotherhood of Omega Chi Delta, the sisterhood of Zeta Beta Zeta would like to introduce our new pledge class!" "# Zeta Betas" "# Zeta Betas prim and proper Fair and right" "# Our sisterhood invites you" "# To a mixer Friday night #" "Back in formation, pledges!" "Omega Chi Delta, the sisterhood of Zeta Beta Zeta would like to offer you the privilege of mixing with us Friday night!" "Well, men, what do you think?" "Yeah!" "I believe that's a yes." "We'll see you Friday night!" "I'd say that went well." "It did." "But can you tell the blonde one that Zeta Beta Zetas shave every day." "Her armpits look like Colin Farrell's chin." "Hey, Blake." "Hey." "There's my Zeta Beta babe." "I need to get back to the pledges." "So if anyone knows who Sarah is, please let Ferret know." "All right, next item on the agenda." ""D. Func." "Fri?"" "Anybody know what that means?" "What?" "Huh?" "Oh." "Date function Friday?" "That's it!" "Our first date function of the year is Friday." "That gives you nutbags three days to find a date." "Pledges, don't worry, you won't be "judged" by how hot your date is." "Mm-hmm." "We prefer the term "evaluated. "" "All right." " Man, those ZBZ girls were hot." " Oh, yeah." "Dude, did you see the redhead?" "What I wouldn't give..." "Guys, can't we just get this done?" "Goats, I need a volunteer." "Hold on." "Hear what it is first." "I need someone to be the Zeta Beta's errand boy." "I'm not talking about panty raids and pillow fights." "All, right, this job will suck." "You've got to help them plan the mixer, shop, decorate, all that girl stuff." "All right, who's willing?" "Pledge Owens." "Should've known my brother would volunteer." "Way to take one for the team." "Pledging's all about sacrifice." "Come in." "Hey, speed bump." "I'm ready." "Um, we're going to a bar, not a bake sale." "Wear this." "I'm worried I'll get cold." "Exactly." "Then Evan gives you his jacket to keep you warm." "Duh." "Evan might not wear a jacket." "And besides, I'm probably not staying over anyway, so I'll have to walk home without it." " Wait, you're not staying over?" " I've got a crazy day tomorrow." "You two aren't having sex, are you?" "Frannie!" "That's kind of personal." "Casey, we're sisters." "I've noticed you've been really tense, like it's been a while." "I know that look." "When Blake got the flu I was a raving bitch." " I haven't been in the mood." " Look," "I know deciding to stay with Evan was difficult." "But it's done." "Now you've got to try to get back to normal." "Normal couples do it." " I didn't realize how hard it would be." " If it helps, you can think of how you're helping your sorority." "The sorority?" "Sluts at Tri-Pi have been circling him like hyenas in heat." "We can not afford to lose him." "Come on, little Miss Mopey." "It's not like I'm telling you to kill puppies." "You still have feelings for him, right?" " Of course." " Then wear this." "You need a date for Friday." "I don't see the big deal." "For the rest of the house it isn't." "Girls are all they talk about." "I am with you." "I am so sick of hearing guys talk about getting laid." "I could not agree more." "When is the Greek system gonna realize sex before marriage is slapping God in the face?" "Not exactly what I meant." "Why don't you ask the brothers to set you up?" "I'm already Spitter, the kid who can't drink tequila." "Imagine what they'll call me when they realize I've never been on a date." " What?" " What?" "How is this possible?" "You saw my small talk skills during rush." "Adding breasts to that scenario just makes things a lot worse." "You've been on a date?" "Yeah, tons of them." "I'm a virgin, not a leper." "Rusty, I think I may have the answer to your problem." " Really?" "Enlighten me." " Purity Pledge Organization." "What is it?" "The fastest growing abstinence group!" "A group who pledged to save ourselves for marriage." "Guess there's a lot of secret handshakes?" "No, actually, we wear rings." "It's a symbol of my promise." "It's cool, huh?" "You should come to my rap group." "We talk about girls, sin, temptation." "Fun stuff like that." "I appreciate the invitation, but I think I'll pass." "All right, but just remember, your virginity is a precious gift from God." "Got it, thanks." " You have to help me!" " I'd love to teach you, but I gotta help the Zeta Betas plan the mixer." "Speaking of Zeta Betas, why not ask Casey?" "She knows a house full of girls." "I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to that." "So, Case, you doing OK?" "I'm doing good." "So that major weirdness between you and Evan today was my imagination?" "Case, you're my best friend." "There's my girl." "Oh, I'm sorry." " It's OK." "Just excuse me a minute." " I'm sorry, OK." " She's cleaning another of your messes." " Look Ashleigh, I screwed up." "All right, I realize that and I'm trying to fix it." "Oh, how's that going for you?" "To be honest, I feel like everything I do," "I'm just making it worse." "Do you really want to be with her?" "I do." "She's the greatest thing that ever happened to me." " OK, you've got to win her back." " And just who am I competing against?" "Evan, the skeezy dirtbag cheater." "That's who she sees right now." "That Evan bites." "Need to reintroduce her to the Evan she fell in love with." "OK." "How do I do that?" "Simple." "You've gotta rebuild your relationship from the ground up." "Show her that you respect her, that you desire her, and that she can trust you." "You've got to court her again." "All right." "All right." "Yeah, I can do that." " And that means no sex." " Why not?" "She's not ready." "She's not gonna be until she feels safe with you again." "So for now, you're McDreamy, not McSteamy." "All right." "All right." "I got it." " How are you defining..." " Anything below the neck." "Looks like I got most of it out." "Hopefully you won't be wearing it much longer, right?" "Right." " I'm back." " Oh, hey." "There she is." "Oh, wow, you look stunning." "Look at that." "I'm sorry about your drink." "I want to make it up to you." " How are you going to do that?" " Take you out to dinner tomorrow night." "But wh... what about tonight?" "I've..." "I've got a headache." "It's up here." "It's a bad headache." "And, you know, besides, tomorrow night I can have you all to myself." " It's good stuff." " OK." "Yeah." "So, I'll pick you up at seven." " OK." "OK." "All right." "All right." "All right." "I'll see you tomorrow." "Hey, Casey." "What's up?" "The library burn down?" "I go other places, you know." "I need a favor." "It's happy hour." "You'd better need a kidney." "I have to find a date for my date function Friday." "Please set me up with one of your sisters?" "Oh, you're serious." "Casey, I have nowhere else to go." "OK." "Meet me at the house tomorrow morning." " All right." " Whoa." "Whoa." "Let's, uh..." "let's start with high-fives, work up to hugs." " Tomorrow morning, then." " Tomorrow morning." "Hear ye, hear ye." "The Social Committee meeting is now in session." "You may notice a boy in our midst." "This is our Omega Chi pledge." "He's gonna be doing the crap for the mixer we don't want to." " Say hi, Pledge." " Hi." "OK, back to business." "It is now time to announce the mixer theme." "Now I have thought hard about this." "I have come up with something truly monumental." "The theme for the mixer will be..." "wait for it..." "Pimps and Hos!" "That was the theme for the last three mixers, Ashleigh." "'Cause everyone loves it!" "No, you love it." "The rest of us are over dressing like hookers." " What else do you have?" " How about a graffiti mixer?" "I have an idea." "Did he just speak?" "Um, I was thinking military mixer?" "Think about it, a room full of hot guys in uniform." " And girls, of course." " Whoo!" "We'll call it the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" mixer!" "Yeah!" "All right, meeting adjourned." "Pledge, let's go shopping." "Uh, I have a name, you know." "I'm sure you do." "I don't know, Casey." "This just isn't my style." "Then we're on the right track!" "Girls are fickle." "Eighty-two percent of our first impression is based on how you look." "Did you quote a statistic?" "I'm Phi Beta Kappa in flirting." "Trust me, this new look will get you noticed." "Mom and Dad will notice when they get the credit card bill." "If your wardrobe isn't an emergency I don't know what is." "I can walk next to you without feeling like I'm doing you a favor." " Morning, little lady." "Evan." " Hey, Cappie." "Spitter?" "What have you done?" "The impossible, right?" "Look at how handsome he is." "Turning your brother into your boyfriend is kinda creepy, Case." " Spitter, are you still in there?" " OK, let's ease up on my face." "He asked me to help him find a date for your function." "Now he actually stands a chance." "Did think what kind of girl this might attract?" "Uh, a girl with standards, perhaps?" "Or maybe a girl who chooses style over substance." "A girl who only cares about appearances." "Would you want him in such an empty, soul-sucking relationship?" "I want my brother to have what I have." "A relationship that's meaningful." "With lots and lots of hot lovemaking." " Come on, Rusty, let's go." " Rusty's coming with me." "He asked me for help." "He looks like he's about to overdose on khaki." "Spitter, you decide." "Your sister or your brother?" "I don't know, Casey." "I'm sorry." "This just isn't me." "Fine." "Good luck." "You'll need it." "She means well." "Now, where'd you park your yacht?" " Check it out!" "Little army men." " And we need those why?" "To make battle scenes in the bathrooms." "With votives." "Ambiance." "Wow." "You're really into this." "Oh, no, no, no." "I just think this mixer should be one for the records." "We're the two best houses on campus, right?" "Good point." "I just wish my boyfriend would come up for it." "Long distance relationship, huh?" "Sounds hard." "What's hard is spending all this time planning mixers so that everyone else can hook up." "What about you?" "Got a girlfriend?" "Me?" "No." "No, I just, uh..." "haven't met the right person yet." "Dinner was amazing." "So what should we do now?" "Well, I've got the answer in my back pocket." "I was hoping it was in your front pocket." "Tickets?" "To the midnight showing of Gone with the Wind." "Remember you said you've always wanted to see that?" "How... romantic." "Yeah, come on." "We don't want to be late." "Ah, college." "You can almost smell the raging hormones." "Really?" "Well, you could, but the stench of your fear is a bit overpowering." "Spitter, what are you so afraid of?" "Rejection, humiliation and clowns." "Well, those are scary things." "But let's try and maintain perspective." "You're asking a girl out on a date." "That's it." "It may comfort you to know, when it comes to the softer sex, I wasn't always gifted and talented." " Really?" " Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "Fifth grade was a bitch." "But I rose above it and so can you." " How?" " It's simple." "The secret to flirting, dating, and hooking up, it's all Biology." "Don't you mean Anatomy?" "Spitter, can't you see I'm in lecture mode?" "Where was I?" "Ah, Biology." "OK, there's this guy named Chuck Darwin." "Now he proved that mankind has evolved over billions and trillions of years." "Darwin showed that every aspect of human behavior has an evolutionary purpose." "Right?" "Chatting up girls is in our genetic code." "We're programmed to be able to do it." "Why?" "So we can boink and make babies." "It's survival of the flirtiest." "So you're saying I'm becoming extinct?" "No, I'm saying evolution has made us good at this." "Get out of your head and trust your instincts." "The ability to attract a female is hardwired into your DNA." " That actually makes scientific sense." " Of course it does." "I was a Bio major once." "Now let's go make Chucky D. Proud." "Looks like someone had a night of fiery passion." "Someone did." "Scarlett O'Hara." "Ooh, role-play." "Kinky." "No, no, Evan took me to a midnight movie." "I'm starting to think he's the one avoiding sleeping with me." " Uh-oh." " What?" "This month's Mode." ""Treating and Beating Cheating. "" "It says "Couples who don't reestablish their physical relationship within two weeks of infidelity have a 2.5 percent chance of long-term success. "" "Really?" "And why is that?" "Because one person stops seeing the other in a sexual way." " What if that's happened to Evan?" " That's ridiculous." "OK." "Who do you think he fantasizes about when he's playing "solitaire?"" " Me?" " I hope you're right." "But his most recent naked memory is of Rebecca Logan." "All I'm saying is, you have to reestablish your place as the object of his fantasies." "As God as my witness, I will rock Evan's world tonight." "Ashleigh, if I find one drop of paint on the floor, I'll gut you." "Have fun!" "Calvin was just getting his backpack." " Uh, Calvin would be me." " Oh, I'm a dork." "This is Casey." " Casey." "Rusty's sister?" " Genetically speaking, yes." "Rusty's my man." "Did you help him find a date?" "Let's just say we agreed to part ways." "Gotcha." "Well, I should get going." "This has been really fun, Ash." "Nice break from alpha male fraternity life." " I had fun too." " All right." " OK, OK, bye-bye." " Nice to meet you." "You have a boyfriend!" "Please, he's like my personal assistant." "Plus, he's really into it, planning, shopping, decorating, all that crap, which is weird for a guy." "I've never met one who's into that who isn't..." " Oh, my God!" " You mean he's..." "Got a crush on me!" "Not where I thought you were going with that, but I see your point." "So he fancies you." "It's adorable." "It's anti-adorable!" "Did you forget Sam the Stalker Freshman year?" " Creepy Craig last semester?" " You do attract the crazies." "Right?" "I've seen this before." "He'll be stealing locks of my hair and carving my name into his arm." "I need to shut him down before this becomes drama!" "The date function is tonight." "I don't think I have time to bulk up." "We're not here to work out." "The gym is the ideal place to meet women." "How?" "How so?" "Think about it, a totally non-threatening environment all filled with women in tight clothes, all high on endorphins." "Chuck Darwin would call this the Galapagos Islands of dating." "Now, let's find you a friend." "Ooh, good choice." "Make me proud." "Oh, remember, trust your instincts." "The small ones give the best burn." "Your biceps are very bulbous." "Is that an insult?" "No!" "No, not at all!" "Bulbous is an adjective meaning bulging." "Oh." "Thanks." "I have one of those word of the day calendars." "That was today's word." "And when I saw your arms I thought," ""what a perfect opportunity to use it in a sentence. "" "Ouch." " Well, at least it's just bruised." " My toe or my ego?" "Lucky for you, I was a Psych major once." "I've diagnosed your condition, while more serious than I thought," " there is a cure." " Really?" "What's the matter with me?" "You're suffering from virginitis." "What makes you think I'm a virgin?" "Rusty, this is serious." "Right now your innocence is cute and endearing, but if untreated, your 30's will not be pretty." "It's not that big of a deal!" "Oh, boy." "Look." "In your virgin mind, women are like these mythical creatures." "Like unicorns, with breasts." "But let me tell you something, that's a myth." "Women are just normal people with breasts." "You need to have sex with one so you can see that." "How am I going to do that when I can't even find a date?" "I've taken care of everything." "You have a date with Lisa Lawson." "She's an old friend who's very..." "friendly." "Cappie, I don't know..." "Relax, Spitter." "Tonight is your inaugural ball." "It's gonna be fun." "Oh, hello." "Rusty, I'd like you to meet Brian, Sanjay and Ted." " Nice to meet you." " My Purity Pledge brothers." "We're like a fraternity, but for God." "Purity Pledge, activate!" "Amen!" "Awesome." "Well, uh, don't mind me." " Actually, you're why they're here." " Me?" "You're hoping to lose your virginity." "I thought, what a great chance for the guys to hear firsthand from somebody on the brink of making such a colossal mistake." " I don't feel like I'm making..." " Who's got a question?" "Brian." " Are you in love?" " No." "Have you both been tested for the full array of STDs?" " No." " What will you do if she gets pregnant?" "OK, enough!" "Look, I know you guys think virginity is like this precious gift." "But you know what?" "It's not." "It's a big fat burden." "It's one that's making me feel like I'm this lonely, awkward loser." "And I'm tired of feeling that way and tonight I have a chance to change that." "So, I'm gonna give my "gift" away." "I'm going to give it to a girl named Lucy." "Or... or Laura." "Or something that begins with an L." "Can it, Ted." "Let's pray for him." "Wow, all hands on deck." "Whoa!" " Aw, you fell for me." " Put me down." "Thank you, Pledge." "Now, please have that ladder removed." "Uh, yes, ma'am." "Land ho." "Thank you." "You're looking pretty dapper." "Thank you." "I just hope Casey likes her man in uniform." "Make sure you're an officer and a gentleman." "Yes, sergeant." "I want you to stay loose." "Don't get caught in the corners." "You just gotta look her in the eye." "And talk." " What's her name again?" " Lisa Lawson." " Lisa Lawson." "Lisa Lawson." " Right." " What if she doesn't like me?" " Oh, come on, Spitter, what's not to like?" "Besides, she likes everybody." "Oh, there she is now." " That's her?" " That's her." "Godspeed." "Lisa?" "Oh, I remember you." "You spit on me." " Sorry." " You're cute." "How about making it up to me by getting me a drink." "Sure." "Ten hut!" "Ha ha." "Is that any way to greet your commanding officer?" "You've got to follow orders." "If I remember correctly, you like that." "Look, Rebecca," "I made a huge mistake hooking up with you." "OK?" "I love my girlfriend." "I got that sense when you were taking my bra off with your teeth." "Hiya, soldier." "Care to dance?" "Your skin is very taut." " OK." "Thanks." " I'm sorry." "Sounded like I want to make a coat out of it." "I'm just really bad at talking to girls." "Especially pretty girls." "Since you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen, this is especially hard." "You know, we can get a little closer." "So I'm guessing this is your first time?" "Do I have "virgin" written on my forehead?" "I was talking about dancing." "Oh, gotcha." "Don't worry." "I'm a good teacher." "Yeah!" " God, you look amazing." " I wanted tonight to be special." "Well, it is." "It is special." "I got something that'll make it more special." "Oh, yeah?" "I booked us a room at the University Inn." "Uh-huh." "Why would you do that?" "Because..." "I would like us to have sex." "Tonight." "Oh!" "OK, tonight." "Tonight, tonight?" "Yeah." "Um..." "Let's go now, can we?" "After this dance." "Cap?" "Do you mind if we use your room?" "Nothing could possibly make me more proud." "Spitter!" "Spitter!" "Spitter!" "Could you snap one of me?" "I want my boyfriend to see how hot I look." "Wait!" "I have to work all my angles." "Let's get a picture." "Oh, my God!" "Can I just get one moment of peace?" "Listen, I know you're in love with me and you see me as this perfect specimen of the female form." "And you're right." "But I have a boyfriend." "So shove off, sailor." "And respect my boundaries and just leave me alone!" "I'm gonna run upstairs, I'm gonna grab my wallet and I'll be right back." " Hey, Rusty's buddy." " Casey." "Did my brother find a date?" "Uh, yeah." "Cappie set him up." "I wonder who it is." "I want to say Lucy Lawless?" " Lisa Lawson?" " That's her." "You know her?" "She's slept with half the male student body." "She's the Virgin Whisperer." "OK, do me a favor." "Tell Evan I'll meet him at the hotel." "Whoa!" "Something's vibrating." "It's my cell phone." "Mom?" "Uh-huh." "I'll call you later." "Where were we?" " Lisa." "Wait." " Did it happen already?" "What?" "Oh..." "No!" "It's not that." "It's just... this isn't really how I imagined my first time." "Don't get me wrong." "You are way better than I have ever imagined." "It's just..." "I just thought it would mean something more." "Aw, that's sweet." " I felt that way once too." " What happened?" "Well, I had sex." "It turns out it was, like, crazy fun." " Where's Rusty?" " Good evening to you, too." " Cut the crap." "I need to talk to him." " What's the emergency?" "Lisa Lawson, Cap?" "She's even easier to get into bed than you are." "Really?" "Damn it, I'm losing my edge." "I'm afraid you're too late." "Rusty and Lisa are indisposed?" "Undisposed?" "Predisposed?" "They're up in my room doing it." "One second." "Whoa, there, dog." "You do realize what you're about to do?" "Stopping Rusty from making a mistake and probably go blind in the process." "What is the big deal?" "He's 18." "He can vote, but he can't hook up with a really hot girl?" "Jeez, Case, this is just sex." " No, it's not." "It's his first time." " OK, so it'll be brief, but still." "You forgotten about our first time?" "You can be as cocky as you want, but it was more than just sex." "It was pretty amazing." "No." "It was awkward, uncomfortable and terrifying." "But... we were in love." "It was a perfect moment in time that I look back on with no regrets." "Rusty deserves the same." "Stay here, I'll go in." "Avon, calling." "Rusty isn't in there with you by any chance?" "He went home." "Carry on." "Did you want the light on or off?" "You look like you could use this." "You doing OK?" "I miss my boyfriend." "I want to do that." "Well, think about it this way, you could do that if you wanted to." "And your point is?" "My point is you're gorgeous." "All right?" "Any guy would want to make out with you." "But you're committed to your man and that takes character." "That's so sweet." "It's making me a little nauseous." "Here, hurl into this." "You're a real nice guy, Calvin." "In another time it might have been you and me." "Perhaps." "How about I help you home?" "Thanks, but I am perfectly fine." "OK, you can help me." "Why the long face?" "Case, I just want to be alone right now." "OK." "You should know I'm a bad listener." "You should also know I am proud of you." "What for?" "Uh, how do I put this?" "I know you could have..." ""studied" tonight." " Is studying a euphemism for..." " Yes!" "Just go with it." "Gotcha." "Yeah, tonight was completely study-free." "Not sure if I'll ever get the chance to study again." "Don't be ridiculous." "Come on, you said yourself that I'm not exactly the most desirable study buddy." "I was wrong." "I was trying to make you into someone you're not." "But you've always been an individual." "It's something I envy about you." "You envy me?" "I envy that quality." "Let's not get carried away." "Listen, you'll know when it's time to study." "Someday you'll meet someone you love and trust." "Someone you feel safe with." "You deserve that." "So do you." "There you are." "I missed you." "Evan... um, this isn't working." "I agree." "You want to move to the bed?" "Let's move." "No, I meant this isn't working." "I thought this is what you wanted." "You rented the room." "I was trying to force myself to sleep with you." "Well, that... that killed the mood." "Glad to hear this is a chore for you." " I'm just not over what happened yet." " You didn't wanna talk about that." "I didn't." "I don't!" "But, Evan, what you did really hurt." " Don't do that." " Do what?" "Make me out to be the only bad guy here." "All right? "We're even. "" "That's what you said." "I'm not an idiot." "I know what you meant." "Don't play this off as my fault." "You started this." "Yeah." "And you ended it." "I did what I did out of anger and betrayal." "What's your excuse?" "Know what?" "Just forget it." "No, no, I want to know." "Why did you do it?" " I don't know!" " Don't know?" "Tripped and fell into bed?" " I freaked out." " About?" " About us!" "All right, we're in college." " Yeah." "Don't know if you noticed, but college relationships are not built to last." "I see." "So in your head we weren't that serious?" "No." "No, no, in my head we were too serious." "I pictured forever with you." "We were the perfect married couple." "We had three kids and... and a Volvo." "Had a beach house in the Outer Banks with a Jack Russell terrier named Schnitzel." " What's so bad about that?" " It's not bad." "It's wonderful." "OK, it just... it just felt so final." "You know... permanent." "I wigged out and... you know the rest." "I still think about that future." "I am not ready to give up on it." "How about we try to get through fall semester before we worry about the future." "Agreed." " My turn to ask you..." " Things between Cap..." "Can you forgive me?" "I can." " Want to see if Frasier's on?" " I could go for some serious cuddling." " FYI, I am not driving a Volvo." " Hmm?"