"Whoo!" "Hey, hey, hey." "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!" "Okay, first of all, there..." "Yes, there is a pet adoption in the lobby." "Please don't adopt any more animals." "Also, we have a big show, guys." "We got Michael J. Fox." " MJ!" " Yeah." "He got snubbed at the Oscars this year." "Oh, he wasn't up for an Oscar." "Hey, can I..." "Can I hug MJ?" " No." " I'm going to." "Okay, so we also have his lovely wife, Tracy Pollan." " Oh." " And Jim Gaffigan." "We got Jim again, so it's a big, big, big show." "Is that a wig for Jim Gaffigan?" "No, this is for my wife." "We're going to salsa night tonight." "That's so great." " Fun." " I know." "And, uh, Penny," "Nippulini's coming today." "Did you see his show?" "I couldn't look." "Okay, it's a big get for us, so I'm gonna let you do the pre-interview today." " Um, I..." " You're welcome." "Appreciate that so much, and I know that that's a big step forward in my career..." "Marcus, uh, can you do full-body makeup?" " I have to do nipples?" " Nipples and ass." "I am definitely not doing ass." "I will only do nipples if you buy me new brushes." " Okay, nipples." "I'll do the ass." " Great" "How are we with security with Michael J. Fox?" "Oh, oh..." "You know, standard operating of the procedures." "Okay, um, great." "Remember, uh, Jimmy was on a bender last night, so he has a bit of a headache." "So don't talk to him, and..." "Grady?" " If you're done... are you done?" " Yes." " I asked if I could bring up an issue." " Yes, please, please." "If I could have the room, please." "As some of you know, there's been a thief amongst us." "Someone is stealing the wheat crackers." "We all know the wheat crackers are for the guests only." "This is a good point, though." "There is a lot of stealing going on, and I feel like we should get someone to address that." "Phil, this is something you could probably help us with." "That just seems like a lot of work, though." "Hey, can I say something real quick?" "Uh, I just want to say," "I think we're gonna have a great show today." "You know, Jimmy..." "I haven't talked to Jimmy yet, but I will." "I talk to him every day." "So, yeah, have a great show today." "Uh, yesterday sucked." "Okay, that's the end of the meeting." "Everybody have a good show." "Thank you." "You too." " Thanks, Staci." " Namaste." " We have a show to do, people!" " Oh!" "From Studio 9B in the heart of New York City, it's "Nightcap with Jimmy."" "Tonight, he's back from the future with his family tie." "It's Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan." "The world's palest comedian, Jim Gaffigan." "A man who lifts SUVs with his boobies," "The Great Nippulini." "And now, number five in the ratings but number one in our hearts, here's Jimmy." "Let me tell you something, Penny." "If every celebrity was in rehab that should be in rehab, we'd have no guests on the show." " That's true." " Uh, listen." "There's somebody who smells on the crew." "I don't know who it is, but it smells like a bag of dead cats." "Find out who it is." "Celebrities hate a fetid stench." "And also, there are no more tampons in the ladies' room." "You still use tampons?" "Yes, I still use tampons." "Wow." "Ahh!" "Penny, did I eat today?" "Did you eat today?" "Let me check your log." "Um, no, according to your food log, you've only had three throat lozenges." "Oh, my God." "Get into that banana." "Um, I was thinking..." "You know how I monitor your food?" "Mm-hmm." "Well, last night, I couldn't sleep, and I had this idea." "What if I could monitor your heart?" "'Cause I'm, like, a little concerned that you're gonna have a heart attack." "No, I've always said, as soon as I took this job," "I will die in this job, but it'll be by my own hand." "Don't say such things." "You are at very high risk, and I have a way to fix the problem." "Oh, my God." "The Olsen twins left their matching JimmyBits last night, so I was thinking maybe we could both wear them." "Penny, this is Jimmy slapping his name on a Fitbit." "But they work." "They're incredible." "No, remember when he made the juicer..." " The Jimmy Juicer..." " The Jimmy Juicer was..." "And everyone in props lost their hand?" "That was a hard day for everyone." "Morale was low." "But I wouldn't worry." "Anyway, all you have to do is download an app, and then..." "Okay, whoa, I'm out." "I don't download apps." "That was foolish of me to say "just."" "I will download the app for you..." "Mm-hmm." "And monitor your..." "Your health and your heart rate, so all you have to do is move, and I'll get a sense of, like, where you are, 'cause right now, I would say that you're barely breathing." " So maybe if... would you..." " We're moving?" "I hesitate to ask, but could you stand?" " Oh, God." " Do you know..." "I was an actress for six months when I was young, and when there was movement involved, I left." "And by the way, this is not doing anything." "Can I just tell you something?" "If you really want to get your heart rate up..." "Mm-hmm?" "You do it from the core." "You twerk." "You go." "You go, you go." "Come on, Penny." "You're actually using your core." "This is how you get your heart rate up." "Oh, my God, it's really working." "David Duchovny taught me this." "Well, I can't tell you how excited we are to get you." "It's taken, like, 14 years to book you." "You've been on the air for 14... eh, it'll be fine." "Anyway, this is your home away from home for a little while." "Make yourself comfortable." "We have water, which you can have." "And there's that candy..." "Anything you would need." "Um, we have a great show." "We have, uh, Jim Gaffigan coming..." " Mm." " Who you probably know." " He's funny." " And The Great Nippulini." " Oh!" " You kidding me?" " Fuck God." " What?" "Again with The Great fucking Nippulini." "I..." "I love The Great Nippulini." "On my 50th birthday, we flew to Paris to see him." "I saw him pull a piano across the stage with his scrotum." "That's... that's..." "And they say he's working on a thing uh, with his butt..." "A sphincter lift..." "He can lift a small child." "Yeah, no, he's a..." "He's really..." "He's a national treasure." "You know what?" "I am so sick and tired..." "What?" "Of your obsession with nipples and scrotum." "No, it's his..." "His nipples and his scrotum." " It's not... and your nipples." " It's disgusting." "Okay." "I don't talk to you about your Justin Bieber fascination." "Okay, okay." "Obsession." "She loves short Canadians." " Mike Myers is..." " Justin Bieber is not short." "He's shorter than me." "He is; he's shorter than me." "Justin Bieber is shorter..." "I don't... it's..." "This is not my pl..." "This is something for your therapist to deal with." "No, his new album is really good." "Oh, fuck off." "So you guys get yourself comfortable, and I'll be back in a little while." "I haven't been comfortable in 13 years." "Staci, Staci." "Staci!" "The Great Nippulini is here, so..." "Okay, let's take a breath." "In through your nose, out through your vagina." "Now listen to me." "We talked about it this morning." "You are talent." "Now, put those shoulders back, and you go tell that nippled freak how a pre-interview is done." "Come on in." "Hello, Mr. Nippulini." "Welcome to "Nightcap."" "My name is Penny." "I work in t-talent department..." " I'm so sorry." " It's okay." "I don't mean to be rude." "Um, I've just never seen..." "like, metal from a man's bazoom." "Sorry." "Congratulations." "What I'm here to do right now is to walk you through your segment." "First thing that's gonna happen is, Jimmy will say," ""It's Mr. Nippulini!"" "The lights are gonna come on." "Um..." "I don't know how you're supporting it." "Um, and then... ouch." "And then you are going to... lift the, um, uh..." " I would call it an anvil." " That's an anvil." "Uh, you..." "I would lift it." "You're gonna lift the anvil with your nipples." "Sorry." "You're gonna" " lift it with your nipples." " It's okay." "And that looks..." "It just looks so heavy." "It's not that heavy." "You can try to pick it up if you want." " Really?" " Yeah." " Um, okay." " Here, I'll show you." " Ouch!" " Shit." " Oh, God!" " Wait a minute, hold on... stop." "Oh, my God!" "No-no-no-no!" " No!" "Stop it!" "Stop moving!" " You stop moving." " Stop!" " Stop moving." "I've never been so close to a nipple." " Down." "Just stay still." " Stay still." " No!" "Ouch!" " Don't move." "Don't move." " Ow!" " Don't push me down!" " Hi." " Hey." " Hi, Jim." " So I thought about it." " Yes." " So here's what I'm gonna do." "Do the doughnut story, and then after that, um, I'll do the, um..." "Remember, I talked about avocados, so..." " Very funny." " Thanks, Tasha." "And then I'll do the, uh..." "Then I'll talk about, uh, Ener-Jesus." "Then I was thinking, then I'll talk about the TV Land show..." "I'm sorry." "I heard "Jesus."" "Which is also on Comedy Central, but people can get it online." "I'm sorry, but the Jesus thing is a bit?" "No, uh, the energy drink." "We didn't talk about that on the phone." "It's... don't worry." "I know that it's a no-no, like, the product thing, but this isn't a product." "It's an energy drink." "It combines the two things that people love most, which is energy drinks and our Lord and Savior Jesus." "So it's Ener-Jesus." "And the slogan is, "God, this tastes good."" "I'm gonna..." "I'm gonna just tell you right now..." " Yeah." " That Burbank will fire my ass if I let any kind of product placement on the show." "It's just better if we do a little, like," "B-roll of you playing with your family, and..." "Drinking the juice." "I don't think that we should use the juice at all." "It's not technically juice." "Like, there's no juice in it." "So don't worry about that." "But anyway, so what I love about it is, it's Ener-Jesus, and the thing is... is, like," "I have kind of a teenaged side to me." "Like, if you put a hoodie on me, you'd be like," ""Oh, is he a skateboarder?"" "And so I was thinking maybe I could come in on a skateboard with the juice and be like, "Hey, what's up, bruh?"" "I'm gonna say no, Jim, and I don't even have to take it up to Jimmy." "I just..." "My hands are tied." "Are you... are you making money off of this?" "I'm not making money off of it." "I mean, this is..." "It's a business." "I mean, this is... you know, I mean, I'm, you know..." "Unlike you, I believe in God." " I'm not going to hell..." " Oh, I don't..." "So I have a juice that is not a juice." "It's an energy drink." "I got 20 cases." "And I was hoping to..." "After the show..." "Very dignified..." "Selling them to the audience." "Oh, I don't think that's a good idea, Jim." "We don't have to be on air." "No, we're not allowed to have bake sales in this place." "It's not a bake sale." "No." "Absolutely not." "You cannot sell your disgusting religious drinks on our show." " Fine, I won't..." " Thank you." " I won't sell it." " I'll just..." "Fox News said I could do it." "Anyway, uh, our makeup girl isn't in today, so if you wouldn't mind just kind of doing your own foundation and lip gloss... she's sick." " Okay." " Okay?" "Oh, man." "It's Doc Hollywood." "Oh..." "Hey, I'm Todd." "I'm Jimmy's best friend." "I'm a producer here." "Creative stuff." "You know, a bunch of different things." "Hey, can you sign my stethoscope?" "'Cause this is..." "This is one like you used on "Doc Hollywood."" "Yeah, do you want me to hold your water?" " Thank you so much." " Yeah, you hold my water?" " Sorry." " Top three movies of all time." "What are the first two?" "Oh, uh, "Godfather," "Doc Hollywood,"" ""Who Framed Roger Rabbit."" "I have them in the reverse order." "Oh, yeah." "So where... hey, where do you want me to sign this?" "Uh, just sign it anywhere, you know." "You could sign it right on the rubber." "It's black on black." "It's..." "Yeah, I'll see it." "Yeah." "You know it's there." " Yeah, thank you so much." " Okay." "Yeah, hey, before I leave, can you just flash me real quick?" " Can you just do a little flash?" " What?" "Like you did in "Doc Hollywood"?" " Oh..." " You know, when you flashed..." "God, no, no, no." " Oh, could you..." " No, that wasn't me." " She wasn't in "Doc Hollywood."" " I wasn't in "Doc"..." " You weren't in "Doc"..." " No." "Yeah, you were." ""Family Ties"... you're thinking of "Family Ties."" "We met on "Family Ties."" "I don't know what that is." "It was a show." "It was in the '80s." " All right, cool, great." " Oh, great." " Cool." " Thank you." " Thank you." " Special seeing you." " Oh, man... thank you." " Okay, bye." " Oh, man." " Um, anyway, so listen." "We..." "I know you wanted us to do this thing on Parkinson's." " Yeah, that's great." " Yeah." "But I feel like we've seen that on every talk show." " It's getting a little redundant." " Wha..." "So the writers had this idea and thought, why don't we shoot you out of a cannon?" " You..." " Oh, my God." "I-I... you want to shoot me out of a cannon?" "Because I..." "Yeah, I just..." "I feel like the foundation's a bit of a yawn." "I have Parkinson's." "Idon't know if I can..." "I don't know if my brain can take that." "Oh, no, no, wait, wait, wait." " That is so funny." "Oh, my God." " What's funny?" "It has been so long since you've done something that's actually funny." "I mean, something that other people will see." "Oh, well, there you go." " The wife..." " That's great." "Yeah, shoot me out of a fuckin' cannon." " Yeah." " Oh." " Shoot him out of a cannon." " I'd love that." "No, I... what am I saying?" "No, no, no." "No, no flashing, no cannons." "No, no..." " That's funny too." " You're sick." "I can't believe you're the mother of my children." "As a security guard, you need a certain energy and a spirituality to guide you through protecting the world against the forces of evil." "Wouldn't you agree?" "Actually, I really barely even use the energy that God gave me." "And it's also got a terrific metallic taste." "I do love a good metallic taste, actually." "What is going on here?" " Phil?" " Oh, nothing." "Um, this is where the sodas and cantaloupe water go." "This is my area." "I've arranged it." " What are you doing in it?" " Um..." "This seems like you guys are gonna escalate into a fight, and that is my cue to exit." "Thank you, Phil." "Is this some of your artwork?" "This is all of my artwork." "Could I steal one minute and just run an idea by you, please?" "All right." "You're obviously an artist, unlike the people around here." "Are you familiar with the idea of, if you sell three cans of Ener-Jesus..." " I'm gonna stop you there." " Yeah." "This sounds like a pyramid scheme." " Am I wrong?" " Um, there..." "I have always wanted to be invited into a pyramid scheme, and I've never had the chance." "Well, then we're in good luck here." "And I'll tell you something." "Between you and I, Grady, this building is filled with some dumb fucking people." "♪ ♪" "Should we have Val Kilmer on just to prove he's not dead?" " Wait, he's not dead?" " See, exactly." "Hey, it's me, Todd." " You guys got a sec?" " Oh, God, no." "Oh, Todd, we're so slammed right now." "Bummer." "That's a bummer." "I can't find the fire marshal anywhere." "So if you got, like, a lost and found list, just throw him on there: fire marshal." "Okay, um, I haven't even convinced Michael J. Fox" " to do the sketch." " Really?" "I don't understand why Jimmy thinks it's so funny." " I think it's funny." " Okay." "But Michael J. Fox is, like, a national treasure." "He's, like, a "New York Times" best-selling author, and he's a movie star and a TV star." "He's a pioneer in Parkinson's research." "From Canada, mm-hmm." "And I just think it's a little degrading to light him out of a cannon." "Jimmy wants it to happen, so just make sure MJ just jumps in there, and he flies out." "Let's call him Michael J. Fox and not MJ." "Agree to disagree." "Mm-mm-mm." "Hey, were you able to mic Nippulini?" "Yeah, but if you keep sending freak shows to me with metal rods hanging from their nipples and all sorts of materials on their body and you think that it's gonna make my life easy..." " Randy!" " Yes?" "Can we hear him?" " Yes, you can hear him." " Okay." "Oh, my God, do you mind if I..." "Please." "Just watch the kimono." "Can I tell you, I haven't sat down in, like, six months?" "I can't take five minutes off in my life." "Ener-Jesus, Gaffigan's drink." "Try it." "It's, uh... it'll perk you up, and it's free." "It's a billion-dollar idea, trust me." "It smells like cat piss." "That's natural." "Oh, God." " Yeah." " Feels weird." "Yeah, I, um..." "It's like right before you black out." " Mm-hmm." " And my ankles are swollen." "I don't know if I peed, but I might have." "Oh, that could be menopause, though." "My God, my hair is falling out." "Staci, I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I've been monitoring your heart rate, and it went up just a little bit." "I'm fi..." "Look, clumps." " I'm fine." " Are you dying?" " It's rising." " No, I'm not dying." "Are you having a heart attack?" "I don't have an EpiPen in here." " I had an EpiPen..." " I am not gonna die..." "And I used it on my dog already." " In this tepee of feet smell." " He's allergic to himself." "That's never gonna happen." "Listen to me, sweetie." "One day, when I take a lot of pills in a Four Seasons Hotel in Scottsdale, you're gonna be with me." "Staci, if I'm not with you on your deathbed, then what the hell is all this for?" "What is wrong with you two?" "Wow." "Are you gonna introduce yourself or just go straight in for the tongue kiss?" "Would you shut up?" "He can hear you." "I will never shut up." " Hi!" "Hi." " Hey." "Oh, look at that face." "Did you try the crumb cake?" "Listen, um, I just want you to know that we have a German shepherd standing by." "Oh, I..." "Well, look, if they smell burning rubber," " they'll... they'll bark." " He can stand down." "'Cause I'm..." "I'm not doing it." "I'm not doing it." "Oh, I... you know what?" "We have a hose, and..." "A hose?" "It doesn't make any difference." "I know that there's some security fears, and..." "And I'm not getting shot out of a cannon." " It's not happening." " Okay." "You know, Michael, there's nothing cooler than a small, confident man being shot out of a cannon." "You know my name?" "You get shot out of a cannon, everyone's gonna know your name." "I'll do it." "Jim Gaffigan." "Listen to me." "There are your Jesus cans all over the office." "I can't help it if people are open to thought and feelings and energy drinks." "Okay, the point is, if I go out and I see on the monitor that you have a Jesus drink while you're talking to Jimmy or a logo or anything, you will never do this show again." " Write that down." " Never." " Fine." " Okay." "Look, I won't do anything." "Hey, Jim." "Ener-Jesus is ready for the show." "Hey, Jim, you know, when I get out there," "I'm gonna say," ""I'm the king of the juice."" " We came up with that together." " Yeah." " Okay, I want 5%." " 3%." " Fine." " All right, let's move some cans." "Wow, your heart rate's, like, perfect." "It's a great day, Penny." "It's a great show." "And this is how you produce a late-night talk show." " Hey, you guys got a sec?" " Yeah, what?" "Uh, Michael J. Fox is on fire." "What?" "Why didn't you call the fire marshal?" "Told you..." "I didn't know where he is!" "Man."