"[JINGLE BELLSPLAYING]" "CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS." "Narrator:" "IT'S THE CHRISTMAS SEASON," "A TIME FOR TELLING COLORFUL HOLIDAY STORIES." "AND MY FAVORITE STORY OF ALL TIME" "IS ABOUT MY GRANDMA." "SHE HAD THIS ENCOUNTER WITH A REINDEER." "[FOOTSTEPS]" "Man: ?" "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER ?" "?" "WALKING HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE ?" "?" "YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA ?" "?" "BUT AS FOR ME AND GRANDPA , WE BELIEVE ?" "Narrator:" "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER, ALL RIGHT," "AND AS INCREDIBLE AS THAT WAS," "IT ALMOST PUT AN END TO CHRISTMAS," "BUT, HA, I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF," "SO LET'S GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING." "IT WAS DECEMBER, AND EVERYONE IN CITYVILLE" "WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE CHAOS OF THE HOLIDAYS," "AND NO PLACE WAS BUSIER THAN MY GRANDMA'S STORE." "UH, MY GRANDMA'S STORE!" "AH, THERE IT IS!" "CHECK IT OUT." "IT WAS A ONE OF A KIND PLACE." "SHE CARRIED ALL KINDS OF STUFF YEAR ROUND." "SHE SOLD DECORATIONS, HANDMADE TOYS," "AT LEAST ONE OF ANYTHING YOU COULD IMAGINE" "FOR THE HOLIDAYS." "THERE'S GRANDMA." "[LAUGHING] DID I MENTION SHE LIKES TO DRESS UP" "TO READ CHRISTMAS STORIES TO KIDS" "WHILE THEIR PARENTS SHOP?" ""AND THE LITTLE BABY CHRISTMAS TREE" "LOOKED UP AT PAPA TREE--"" "Boy:" "GRANDMA!" "Narrator:" "AND THAT'S ME, JAKE SPANKENHEIMER." "COUSIN MEL IS SCARING AWAY ANOTHER CUSTOMER!" "YOU CAN STOP RIGHT THERE!" "THAT'S SHOPLIFTING, MISSY." "HA HA HA HA." "WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?" "UH, PROBLEM?" "NO PROBLEM." "NO MONEY, NO MERCHANDISE." "NO WAY!" "YOUR CREDIT IS ALWAYS GOOD HERE, MARTHA." "WHY, YOU JUST STOP BY WHEN YOU GET YOUR NEXT PAYCHECK." "THANKS, GRANDMA." "EVERYONE HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!" "YOU, TOO!" "THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE!" "THIS STORE CAN'T GET RICH" "SELLING HOLIDAY PASTRIES ON CREDIT!" "YOU'RE NOT A BUSINESSWOMAN." "YOU'RE AN OLD FRUITCAKE!" "EVERYONE ELSE IS HAPPY THE WAY THINGS ARE." "RIGHT, FRANK?" "BEATS PUNCHING A TIME CLOCK FOR SOMEONE ELSE." "I LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH THE FAMILY AT WORK." "YOU SEE?" "LOOK AROUND YOU." "WEARERICH." "LIFE'S ABOUT BEIN' NICE TO PEOPLE." "MONEY?" "AW." "I'D SAY WE MAKE ENOUGH." "ENOUGH?" "ENOUGH IS NEVER ENOUGH." "[WIND WHISTLING]" "A SET OF REPLACEMENT WHEELS FOR MY ROLLERBLADES..." "ADDING TO YOUR CHRISTMAS WISH LIST?" "SISTERS." "[SIGHS] YEAH, I THOUGHT SO." "A COMPUTER NERD WHO STILL BELIEVES IN SANTA CLAUS." "YOU'RE SO REALITY-CHALLENGED." "[CHAIR SQUEAKS]" "Jake:" "UHH!" "DAPHNE, STOP TEASING YOUR BROTHER!" "HE STARTED IT." "[ARF ARF ARF]" "[PANTING]" "COME ON DOWNSTAIRS." "YOUR DAD HAS A SURPRISE!" "TELL HER, MOM." "SANTA CLAUSISREAL." "WELL...[SIGHS] THERE IS NO EASY ANSWER." "UH, HISTORICALLY, THERE WAS A SAINT NICK" "WHO, WITH A LOVING HEART," "FILLED CHILDREN'S SHOES WITH GIFTS OF ALL SORTS." "SO, SANTA TODAY REPRESENTS" "THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS" "GIVING TO OTHERS." "[DOOR CREAKS OPEN]" "DAD, IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?" "HUH?" "UH, HUH..." "WHAT YOUR MOTHER SAID." "HMM." "HEY!" "WHO WANTS TO PUT UP A TREE?" "ALL RIGHT!" "A CHRISTMAS TREE!" "[ARF ARF]" "THAT'S NOT A CHRISTMAS TREE." "YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE NEW INFLATABLE CHRISTMAS TREE" "MANUFACTURED BY THE CITYVILLE OWN-ALL CORPORATION." "BUT OUR FAMILY ALWAYS GOES OUT" "AND GETS A REAL TREE." "DON'T YOU WANT TO SAVE THE FOREST?" "NOBODY GETS A TREE ANYMORE." "IT'S NOT COOL." "[SQUEAKING]" "[WHINES]" "[POP]" "WISH THEY HAD CHRISTMAS TREES LIKE THAT" "WHEN I WAS A BOY." "Both:" "HERE WE GO AGAIN." "WE HAD TO CHOP OUR TREES DOWN BY HAND." "NEVER FORGET THE TIME" "I HAD TO USE A BEAVER FOR A CHAIN SAW." "LAST TIME YOU TOLD IT, IT WAS A WOODPECKER." "OK, EVERYONE, GATHER AROUND YOUR DAD." "I WANT A VIDEO OF OUR FIRST INFLATABLE TREE." "THIS TREE IS GONNA SAVE LOTS OF TIME." "Jake:" "WHAT'S THE FUN IN THAT?" "AW." "WHERE'S THE JABBIN' YOURSELF" "WITH PINE NEEDLES?" "HANGIN' ORNAMENTS?" "THE OLD-FASHIONED SMELL" "OF A GENUINE DOUGLAS FIR." "IF YOU LIKE OLD-FASHIONED SMELLS," "I'LL GET MY FISHIN' BOOT." "[AIR HISSING]" "[THUD]" "OOPS." "SORRY." "[TELEPHONE RINGS]" "Narrator:" "AS CRAZY AS THINGS WERE AT HOME," "THEY GOT CRAZIER THE DAY I MET" "THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN CITYVILLE." "EXCUSE ME." "I'M" "Jake:" "AUSTIN BUCKS!" "CEO OF THE CITYVILLE OWN-ALL CORPORATION." "GRANDMA SAYS YOU OWN EVERYTHING." "WELL, NOT YET," "BUT THAT'S WHY I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR GRANDMA." "I'M SURE SHE WANTS TO SEE YOU," "BUT RIGHT NOW, GRANDMA "ELFENHEIMER"" "IS READING TO THE KIDS." "I HEARD ABOUT THAT." "SAY, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE" "AN EXTRA ELF COSTUME I COULD WEAR?" "NOPE." "SORRY." "BUT THERE'S A TROLL COSTUME." "Austin:" "WELL, GRANDMA ELFENHEIMER." "MR. AUSTIN "TROLL" BUCKS." "Grandma:" "I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'RE DRESSED THAT WAY" "TO READBILLY GOATS GRUFF TO THE KIDS." "UH, NO." "I DID IT SO YOU'D LISTEN TO MY OFFER" "TO BUY YOUR STORE." "DIDN'T HELP." "DON'T WANNA LISTEN." "I'LL PAY A LOT OF MONEY." "KA-CHING." "YOU'D BE SELLING TO THE BIGGEST AND THE BEST." "DO YOU KNOW WHY MY COMPANY" "CONTROLS EVERY MALL AND SIDEWALK SANTA?" "BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE TOO BUSY TO THINK ABOUT CHRISTMAS." "WITH THEIR CELLULAR PHONES AND FAX MACHINES, E-MAIL" "THEY'RE NEVER REALLY AWAY FROM WORK." "AND YOU FIGURE YOU'RE HELPING?" "YES." "THERE WOULDN'T BE A CITYVILLE CHRISTMAS" "WITHOUT ME." "YOUR STORE SITS ON THE PERFECT PLACE" "TO BUILD THE CROWN JEWEL OF MY EMPIRE." "PICTURE IT." "GIFTS DELIVERED ON CHRISTMAS EVE" "BY OUR NEW SLEIGH MOBILE." "ISN'T THAT WHAT SANTA DOES?" "HOW CUTE." "HE STILL BELIEVES IN SANTA CLAUS." "JAKE, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD SELL THE STORE?" "ARE YOU KIDDING?" "I LOVE THIS PLACE." "YOU WITH NO STORE WOULD BE LIKE..." "CHRISTMAS WITHOUT SANTA." "WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT," "FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES." "SURELY YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET JAKE" "MAKE SUCH A BIG DECISION?" "HE'S JUST A KID." "IN CASE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND..." "THANK YOU." "AND YOU CAN KEEP THE TROLL COSTUME." "[LAUGHS COYLY] BYE-BYE." "[LAUGHS COYLY]" "I'VE ALWAYS LOVED A MAN IN..." "TIGHTS." "[BELL ON DOOR RINGS]" "HMM..." "HMMPH." "GRANDMA, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU JUST DID?" "YOU LET MY FORTUNE WALK OUT THE DOOR!" "THAT WAS MY FUTURE!" "I MMM-MEAN, JAKE'S FUTURE." "MONEY FOR COLLEGE." "TRAVEL TO ITALY, WORLD CRUISES," "SPORTS CARS, JEWELS." "[GASPS] OOH." "I'D TELL YA TO PUT A CORK IN IT," "YOU GREEDY MONEY-GRUBBER," "BUT GRANDMA SHOULDN'T TALK THAT WAY." "GRANDMA, IF THIS STORE WERE MINE," "I'DSELL IT." "COUSIN MEL, THIS STORE WILL NEVER BE YOURS." "OH, YEAH!" "HMMPH." "WE'LL SEE." "Narrator:" "COUSIN MEL WAS WRONG." "YOUCANKEEP A STORE GOING ON GOOD WILL AND BAKED GOODS." "BY THE LOOKS OF MY HOUSE AT CHRISTMASTIME," "YOU'D THINK GRANDMA WAS SINGLE-HANDEDLY SUPPLYING" "THE ENTIRE FREE WORLD WITH CHRISTMAS GOODIES." "THE WAY I SEE IT," "YOU CAN DIVIDE THE WORLD INTO 2 GROUPS:" "PEOPLE WHO LIKE FRUITCAKE..." "AND ALL THE REST OF US." "Man: ?" "THE HOLIDAYS WERE UPON US ?" "?" "AND THINGS WERE GOIN' FINE ?" "?" "TILL THE DAY I HEARD THE DOORBELL ?" "[DING-DONG]" "?" "AND A CHILL RAN UP MY SPINE ?" "?" "I GRABBED THE WIFE AND CHILDREN ?" "?" "AS THE POSTMAN WHEELED IT IN ?" "?" "MY YEARLY CHRISTMAS NIGHTMARE ?" "?" "?" "HAS JUST COME BACK AGAIN" "?" "IT WAS HARDER THAN THE HEAD OF UNCLE BUCKY ?" "[SNORING]" "?" "HEAVY AS A SERMON OF PREACHER LUCKY ?" "?" "ONE'S ENOUGH TO GIVE THE WHOLE STATE OF KENTUCKY ?" "[BELCHES]" "?" "A GREAT BIG BELLYACHE ?" "?" "IT WAS DENSER THAN A DROV E OF BARNYARD TURKEYS ?" "?" "TOUGHER THAN A TRUCKLOAD OF ALL-BEEF JERKY ?" "?" "DRYER THAN A DROUGHT IN ALBUQUERQUE ?" "[BIRD SCREECHES]" "?" "GRANDMA'S KILLER FRUITCAKE ?" "Grandma:" "AH, YOU'RE A GREAT HELPER, JAKE." "NOW, JUST STIR THAT BOWL OF INGREDIENTS," "AND IT'S READY FOR THE OVEN." "GRANDMA, JAKE," "I'M AFRAID DOOFUS GOT OUT AGAIN." "I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE." "WHY, I WONDER WHERE THAT ADORABLE DOG" "COULD HAVE RUN OFF TO THIS TIME." "COME ON, JAKE." "PFFT-HA!" "I DON'T KNOW WHO BUYS YOUR CAKES AND COOKIES," "BUT THIS WILL FOR DARN SURE MAKE EVERYONE SICK." "THAT OUGHT TO STOP PEOPLE FROM SHOPPING AT THE STORE," "AND WITH NO CUSTOMERS," "YOU'LL HAVE TO SELL, GRANDMA." "DOOFUS WAS RIGHT NEXT TO THE FIREPLACE." "OH. [GIGGLES] MUST'VE MISSED HIM." "[GASPS]" "WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?" "I'D HAVE TO SELL?" "OOH, SELL A LOT, THE WAY THESE PASTRIES TASTE." "MMM." "Frank:" "CAREFUL, GRANDMA." "DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH EGGNOG WITH ALL YOUR MEDICATION." "OH, POOH." "YOU'D THINK AT MY AGE," "YOU'D OUTGROW AN ALLERGY TO EGGS." "NOW, WHERE'D I PUT THOSE PILLS?" "I'VE GOT SOME MISTLETOE AND HOLLY." "WHO'S GONNA HELP ME WITH THE DECORATING?" "CAN'T." "HAVE TO CALL MY BOYFRIEND." "SORRY, GRANDMA, GOTTA DASH TO THE GYM." "OOH, I'D LOVE TO, BUT..." "FRANK..." "THE GAME'S JUST STARTIN' ON TV." "I'LL HELP YOU, GRANDMA." "MY LITTLE MAN." "THANKS." "Narrator:" "NOBODY UNDERSTOOD ME LIKE GRANDMA DID." "CHRISTMASTIME WAS AS IMPORTANT TO HER" "AS IT WAS TO ME." "[JINGLE BELLSPLAYING]" "WELL, WE DID IT!" "IT'S RIGHT ON THE NOSE, JAKE." "WEDID IT." "THE SOONER YOU GO TO SLEEP," "THE SOONER SANTA WILL COME." "GRANDMA, DAPHNE SAYS THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA." "WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE, LIKE I DO." "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM?" "NO, BUT I'VE SEEN HIM IN THE SMILES" "OF PEOPLE WHO SHARE WITH OTHERS EVERY CHRISTMAS." "[YAWNING] IF YOU EVER RUN INTO HIM," "SAY HI FOR ME." "GOOD NIGHT, JAKE." "Man: ?" "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER ?" "?" "WALKING HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE ?" "?" "YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA ?" "?" "BUT AS FOR ME AND GRANDPA , WE BELIEVE ?" "Grandma:" "WELL, I'M FIXIN' TO TAKE" "THESE EXTRA COOKIES AND CAKES" "TO THE VOLUNTEERS" "AT THE CITYVILLE COMMUNITY SERVICES BUILDING." "IT'S TOO LATE TO GO OUT NOW, GRANDMA." "IF I'D HAD SOME HELP," "I WOULD HAVE BEEN FINISHED HOURS AGO." "I WAS BUSY." "SORRY, HAD TO FINISH MY HOMEWORK." "LAST-MINUTE SHOPPING." "Man: ?" "SHE'D BEEN DRINKING TOO MUCH EGGNOG ?" "YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING TOO MUCH EGGNOG." "?" "AND WE BEGGED HER NOT TO GO ?" "PLEASE!" "DON'T GO!" "WE'RE BEGGING!" "?" "BUT SHE FORGOT HER MEDICATION ?" "BESIDES I LEFT MY MEDICATION AT THE STORE." "?" "AND SHE STAGGERED OUT THE DOOR INTO THE SNOW ?" "[SLEIGH BELLS RINGING]" "Santa:" "ON, DONNER!" "ON, BLITZEN!" "[GASPS] IT'S HIM!" "SANTA CLAUS!" "AH, HE IS REAL!" "Santa:" "HO HO HO!" "Jake:" "GRANDMA, WATCH OUT!" "[CRASH]" "?" "YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA ?" "?" "BUT AS FOR ME AND GRANDPA , WE BELIEVE ?" "[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]" "COME ON!" "EVERYONE!" "HURRY!" "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY SANTA'S REINDEER!" "Frank:" "JAKE, CLOSE THE DOOR AND GET IN HERE." "Jake:" "SANTA HIT GRANDMA!" "GRANDMA NEEDS HELP!" "THE ONLY PERSON WHO NEEDS HELP IN THIS FAMILY IS YOU." "NOW, JAKE, CALM DOWN." "TAKE A BREATH." "[TAKES A BREATH] OK, UH," "SANTA CLAUS WAS FLYING LOW LIKE THIS..." "AND GRANDMA WAS WALKING LIKE THIS..." "AND THEN RUDOLPH WAS HERE, AND" "NOW, HONEY, YOU MUST HAVE HAD A BAD DREAM." "IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, FRANK," "YOUR SON SUFFERS FROM A DREADED AFFLICTION." "WHAT AFFLICTION?" "THE "SANTA CLAUS IS REAL" SYNDROME." "HE'S GOT ALL THE SYMPTOMS" "WRITING LISTS TO SANTA, CHECKING THEM TWICE," "GOOD BEHAVIOR, FALLING ASLEEP BEFORE MIDNIGHT." "I FIGURE HE GETS IT FROM HIS GRANDMA." "YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED, DIDN'T YOU, GRANDPA?" "UH, I'M SORRY." "WERE YOU TALKING TO ME?" "I WAS TOO BUSY WATCHING GRANDMA" "GET RUN OVER BY A REINDEER-DRAWN SLEIGH." "YES!" "WHAT A SIGHT!" "SLEIGH COME OUT OF NOWHERE." "GRANDMA TAKES A HEADER INTO THE SNOWBANK." "SLEIGH VANISHES..." "LIKE THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST." "AND THAT'S WHAT'S CALLED AN ADVANCED CASE" "OF "SANTA CLAUS IS REAL" SYNDROME." "OH, HONESTLY, GRANDPA." "WE'VE GOT TO GO HELP GRANDMA!" "Mom:" "NOTHING IS OUT THERE." "FRANK, DO SOMETHING." "LOOK, JAKE, IF I CALL THE LOCAL SHELTER" "AND HAVE GRANDMA SPEAK TO YOU," "WILL YOU GO TO BED?" "BUT SHE WON'T!" "I SAW HER!" "I TOLD YOU," "SANTA HIT HER WITH HIS SLEIGH!" "CALL THE POLICE!" "[LINE RINGS]" "THAT'S RIGHT, OFFICER." "MISSING." "[OFFICER CHATTERS]" "HIT BY SANTA'S SLEIGH." "[CHATTERS]" "YES, WE'VE BEEN DRINKING EGGNOG." "[CHATTERS]" "[DIAL TONE]" "UH, THEY'LL BE OUT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING." "[MIDWEST ACCENT] AND WHAT DID YOU SEE, YOUNG MAN?" "I SAW GRANDMA GET RUN OVER BY A REINDEER!" "HERE WE GO AGAIN!" "SORRY, SON, IMPOSSIBLE." "RIGHT HERE IN THE MANUAL" "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA CLAUS." "IS TOO." "OH!" "WE GOT A CODE 12-25" ""SANTA CLAUS IS REAL" SYNDROME," "FAMILY DISPUTE." "COME ON!" "I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE SHE GOT RUN OVER!" "Man: ?" "WHEN WE FOUND HER CHRISTMAS MORNING ?" "?" "AT THE SCENE OF THE ATTACK ?" "SEE?" "!" "?" "SHE HAD HOOFPRINTS ON HER FOREHEAD ?" "?" "AND INCRIMINATING CLAUS MARKS ON HER BACK ?" "OK, WE'VE GOT SOME REINDEER HOOFPRINTS" "AND SLEIGH TREAD MARKS LEADING TO" "OH, YEAH!" "WHAT APPEARS TO BE AN IMPRESSION" "OF A PERSON IN THE SNOW." "LOOK THERE." "BUT, UH, HOW DO WE KNOW IT'S GRANDMA?" "DOOFUS KNOWS." "[SNIFFING]" "[WHIMPERS]" "THAT'S ONE OF GRANDMA'S SHOES!" "[WHINES]" "Jake:" "THAT'S HER SPECIAL CHRISTMAS MUG!" "HER MEDICINE!" "AND HER COOKIES AND..." "HER FRUITCAKE!" "[SNIFFS, COUGHS]" "Man:" "OFFICER LYON, CHECK THIS OUT." "OOH!" "WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?" "OFFHAND, I'D SAY THAT'S ANIMAL HAIR" "REINDEER, 15 HANDS HIGH, 12 POINT BUCK." "BY THE MARKINGS-- A SLEIGH-PULLER," "POWERFUL, CAPABLE OF FLIGHT," "AGE UNKNOWN, ONE OF A TEAM OF 8." "BUT IT'S JUST A GUESS." "OK, THEN, I'LL JUST PUT IT DOWN AS SLEIGH-HICULAR HIT-AND-RUN." "OOH, WHAT'S THE CODE FOR THAT?" "YOU SHOULD REMEMBER THAT ONE." "IT'S A 12-24." "OOH, RIGHT!" "12-24." "UH-HA HA!" "I GET IT!" "12-24-- DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS." "JUST A MINUTE, SHERLOCK." "BEFORE YOU PUT OUT AN APB" "FOR A SLEIGH DRIVEN BY SANTA CLAUS" "WHO, MAY I REMIND YOU, DOES NOT EXIST" "I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHERE GRANDMA IS." "GOOD POINT." "WE COULD WORK THE SANTA ANGLE LATER." "BETTER GET LOOKIN' FOR THE OLD BROAD." "UH, WE'LL NEED A PHOTO OF THE MISSING PERSON." "Narrator:" "THAT STARTED THE BIGGEST GRANDMA HUNT" "IN CITYVILLE HISTORY." "THE POLICE SEARCHED EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY FOR GRANNY." "TIME PASSED, AND POLICE KEPT LOOKING AND LOOKING." "MONTHS WENT BY." "WE LOOKED AND LOOKED." "I EVEN GOT PERMISSION" "TO PUT GRANDMA'S PICTURE ON MILK CARTONS." "NOTHING HELPED," "NOT EVEN STORIES ON THE LOCAL NEWS CHANNEL." "GRANDMA WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND." "GRANDMA'S CHRISTMAS GIFTS REMAINED UNOPENED," "AND PEOPLE DRESSED IN BLACK." "GRANDPA TRIED TO COPE" "BY PLAYING CARDS WITH COUSIN MEL." "IT WASN'T ANY BETTER AT THE STORE, EITHER." "MOM AND DAD TRIED THEIR BEST," "BUT WITHOUT GRANDMA, CUSTOMERS STOPPED COMING IN." "[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]" "Austin:" "MY OFFICE SAID YOU CALLED AND WANTED TO SEE ME." "I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE" "FOR THE WAY GRANDMA TREATED YOU LAST YEAR." "[LAUGHS COYLY]" "DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU YOU'RE VERY GOOD LOOKING" "FOR A MAN WITH..." "[GASPS] DEEP POCKETS?" "[SNICKERS]" "HA HA." "I WAS DUSTING." "WELL, GO DUST SOMEWHERE ELSE!" "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO." "IT'S GRANDMA'S STORE." "[GASPS] OH, HA." "THAT REMINDS ME." "ARE YOU STILL INTERESTED" "IN BUYING THIS ESTABLISHMENT?" "WELL, IT'S THE IDEAL LOCATION FOR OUR SLEIGH-MOBILE DIVISION." "GOOD!" "BECAUSE I KNOW GRANDMA" "WOULD WANT ME TO SELL IT." "I HAVE THE DEED RIGHT HERE." "UNFORTUNATELY, YOURNAME'S NOT ON THE DEED." "JUST GRANDMA AND GRANDPA'S." "BUT IFGRANDPAAGREES," "THEN I COULD BUY THE STORE." "I'M SURE I COULD TRICK" "I MEAN,GET..." "GRANDPA TO AGREE." "[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]" "YOU'VE BEEN SO DEPRESSED SINCE GRANDMA DISAPPEARED." "THAT'S WHY I HAD YOU BRING ME TO MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT," "TO CHEER YOU UP." "I'LL CURE YOUR SORROW." "WE'LL SPRUCE UP THE STORE," "ORDER NEW MERCHANDISE, HIRE A BAKER." "IT'S RIGHT HERE IN THESE PAPERS." "ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIGN." "SING?" "NO." "SIGN." "SURE!" "SO SIGN." "I'D RATHER SING." "?" "GRANDMA'S SPENDING CHRISTMAS WITH THE SUPERSTARS ?" "?" "SINCE THAT REINDEER RAN HER DOWN THAT FATEFUL NIGHT ?" "?" "GRANDMA'S HANGIN' OUT WITH ALL THOSE LATE, GREAT STARS ?" "?" "FOR THE HEAVENLY-EST CHRISTMAS OF HER LIFE ?" "?" "SHE'S STANDIN' UNDER THE MISTLETOE WITH ELVIS ?" "?" "HE'S BEEN CONSOLING HER BECAUSE SHE'S MISSING GRAMPS ?" "?" "THEN ELVIS OFFERS HER THE KEY S TO A NEW CADILLAC ?" "?" "WELL, WELL, AND A COUPLE OF SHEETS ?" "?" "?" "OF ELVIS POSTAGE STAMPS ?" "?" "GRANDMA'S SPENDING CHRISTMAS WITH THE SUPERSTARS ?" "?" "SINCE THAT REINDEER RAN HER DOWN THAT FATEFUL NIGHT ?" "?" "GRANDMA'S HANGING OUT WITH AL L THOSE LATE, GREAT STARS ?" "?" "FOR THE HEAVENLY-EST CHRISTMAS OF HER LIFE ?" "OK, I'LL SIGN." "OH." "THIS IS EASIER THAN I THOUGHT." "SIGN HERE AND HERE." "INITIAL THIS." "OH." "AND THIS ONE GIVES ME POWER OF ATTORNEY" "OVER YOUR AFFAIRS." "I'LL BE YOUR DEDICATED MONEY MANAGER FOREVER." "I DO FEEL BETTER." "PERFECT!" "AW." "THIS IS IT" "THE LAST OF GRANDMA'S FRUITCAKES FROM LAST CHRISTMAS." "OHH, DO YOU THINK IT'S STILL GOOD?" "DID SHE USE PRESERVATIVES?" "PRESERVATIVES?" "IT'S A FRUITCAKE!" "[THUD]" "WHAT DO WE DO WHEN IT'S SOLD?" "Cousin Mel:" "NOTHING!" "BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA BE RICH!" "WE WON THE LOTTERY!" "WE'RE GOING TO BE RICH?" "OH, WE'RE GOING TO BE RICH!" "WE COULD RETIRE?" "WHAT'S GOING ON?" "OUR BOAT'S COME IN." "COUSIN MEL SAYS WE WON THE LOTTERY!" "WON THE LOTTERY?" "ALL RIGHT!" "SORT OF." "HA HA." "ACTUALLY, I'M GOING OVER TO SEE AUSTIN BUCKS" "AND SELL THIS DUMP FOR MILLIONS." "THANK GRANDPA." "HE GAVE ME POWER OF ATTORNEY." "DO WHAT?" "GRANDPA, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" "I THOUGHT I WAS HELPING." "TALK ABOUT HAVING YOUR CAKE AND EATING IT, TOO." "I'VE GOTTA STOP HER." "[STARTS ENGINE]" "UHH!" "UHH!" "[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]" "MR. BUCKS' OFFICE-- WHICH WAY?" "JAKE, NICE STOP." "PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T BUY GRANDMA'S STORE." "TOO LATE, KID." "WITH THIS LAST PIECE OF PROPERTY," "MR. BUCKS WILL OWN ALL OF CITYVILLE." "WHO ARE YOU?" "COUSIN MEL'S ATTORNEY." "I.M. SLIME." "YOU SAID IT, NOT ME." "SORRY, JAKE." "THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN STOP THIS SALE" "IS YOUR GRANDMA," "BUT NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED TO HER." "SHE GOT RUN OVER BY SANTA'S REINDEER." "I JUST NEED MORE TIME TO FIND GRANDMA." "NOW, AUSTIN, DARLING," "WHY DON'T WE GO SOMEWHERE ROMANTIC" "AND CONSUMMATE THIS DEAL?" "HMM." "YOU GOT IT, KID." "THIS DEAL DOESN'T CLOSE TILL THE END OF THE WEEK." "NO!" "YOU'RE AN ATTORNEY." "DO SOMETHING." "SUE SOMEBODY!" "A BIT OF ADVICE" "IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE" "GRANDMA WAS RUN OVER BY SANTA'S REINDEER," "THEN FIND HIM." "HE SHOULD KNOW WHERE GRANDMA IS." "OK, I WILL." "I HAVE TILL THE END OF THE WEEK" "TO STOP COUSIN MEL FROM SELLING GRANDMA'S STORE." "LOOK, SHERLOCK," "YOU'VE TRIED YOUR BEST TO FIND GRANDMA." "YOUR ROOM IS SEARCH CENTRAL." "YOU GOT NO RESULTS FROM YOUR DO-IT-YOURSELF POLICE SKETCH." "YOUR DRY-ERASE BOARD IS FULL OF DEAD-END CLUES." "GIVE IT UP." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "[DOOFUS BARKING]" "[PANTING]" "YOU'RE RIGHT, DOOFUS." "WE CAN'T GIVE UP." "[BARKS]" "WHAT'S THIS?" "PRINTOUT OF MY OLD CHRISTMAS LIST?" "[BARKS]" "LOOK, DOOFUS, IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE" "AS ADDING "FIND GRANDMA" TO MY CHRISTMAS LIST" "AND E-MAILING IT TO SANTA CLAUS." "[DOOFUS WHIMPERS]" "WAIT." "DOOFUS, YOU'RE A GENIUS." "TO SANTA CLAUS..." "[READING ALOUD]" "[CLICKS MOUSE]" "[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]" "Male voice:" "YOU'VE GOT E-MAIL." "QUINCY, YOU BETTER SEE THIS." "NONE" "NOT A SINGLE LETTER FROM CITYVILLE." "IT'S AS IF THEY'RE TOO BUSY" "WITH THEIR PREFABRICATED, MASS-PRODUCED LIVES" "TO NEED ME ANYMORE." "EXCUSE ME." "I MIGHT AS WELL SHAVE MY BEARD" "AND CANCEL THE HOLIDAYS IN CITYVILLE." "IF I COULD MEET JUST ONE STINKING PERSON" "WHO UNDERSTANDS THE HOLIDAYS ARE ABOUT HUMAN KINDNESS" "WITH ONLY A TOUCH OF CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION..." "AHEM." "YES, QUINCY?" "WHAT'S THIS?" "CAREFUL, ROYCE." "DONNA WANTED A DOLL WITH BRAIDS" "WITH AREDRIBBON." "SHE'S ON THE "GOOD" LIST." "HO HO HO!" "THE MYSTERY OF GRANDMA "X" IS SOLVED." "GRANDMA SPANKENHEIMER?" "GRANDMA SPANKENHEIMER?" "SPANKENHEIMER?" "SPANKENHEIMER." "NOPE, NEVER MET HER," "BUT YOU MIGHT ASK ONE OF THOSE SHORT FELLERS." "CLASSIC CASE OF AMNESIA" "CAN'T REMEMBER A THING." "THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ARE ON, BUT NOBODY'S HOME." "E-MAIL A REPLY IMMEDIATELY." "I HAVE A BETTER IDEA." "[GROWLS]" "[BARKING]" "AAH!" "[QUINCY HITS GROUND]" "[WIND BLOWS]" "[DOOFUS BARKING]" "CALL OFF THE HOUND." "SHH." "NOW, THEN..." "HI." "I'M QUINCY, SANTA'S ELF" "TOP ELF, TO BE EXACT." "I FLY RIGHT SEAT ON THE SLEIGH." "THE MAN IN THE RED SUIT DOESN'T MAKE A MOVE" "WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST." "Y-YOU'RE AN ELF!" "THE GENUINE ARTICLE." "[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]" "AAH!" "AAH!" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN SEPTEMBER?" "I CAME TO ASK A QUESTION." "WOULD YOU LIKE TO FIND YOUR GRANDMA?" "MORE THAN ALL THE PRESENTS IN THE WORLD." "THEN FOLLOW ME." "GRANDPA, I'M GOING TO THE NORTH POLE" "TO FIND GRANDMA." "FINE." "THANKS FOR TELLING ME." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "[SLEIGH BELLS RINGING]" "?" "OLD SAINT NICK AND MRS. CLAUS ?" "?" "DECIDED JUST THIS YEAR ?" "?" "THERE WON'T BE ANY CHRISTMAS ?" "?" "THE FEELING'S JUST NOT HERE ?" "?" "SOME KIDS GET MORE THAN THEY NEED ?" "?" "AND SOME ARE SPOILED ROTTEN ?" "?" "AND WHEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMASTIME ?" "?" "TOO MANY ARE FORGOTTEN ?" "?" "IT WILL FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS ?" "?" "TO PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ?" "?" "IT WILL FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS ?" "?" "WHEN WE ALL LEARN TO SHARE ?" "?" "SO SANTA SAID TO MRS. CLAUS ?" "?" "SOMETHING'S WAY OFF TRACK ?" "?" "I CAN'T GET INTO CHRISTMAS ?" "?" "?" "UNTIL THE SPIRIT'S BACK ?" "?" "IT WILL FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS ?" "?" "TO PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ?" "?" "IT WILL FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS ?" "?" "WHEN WE ALL LEARN TO SHARE ?" "YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON" "WHY YOU BROKE ELF CODE" "AND BROUGHT A HUMAN HERE." "THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO MEET JAKE SPANKENHEIMER." "THEJAKE SPANKENHEIMER," "WHO LOVES ROLLERBLADES," "VIDEO GAMES, PILLOW FIGHTS WITH HIS SISTER," "PROCRASTINATES ONCE IN A WHILE WITH HIS HOMEWORK" "NOT THAT I CONDONE IT" "WRITES TO ME EVERY CHRISTMAS," "AND HELPS HIS GRANDMA IN THE KITCHEN?" "IT'S NICE TO FINALLY MEET SOMEONE FROM CITYVILLE" "WHO STILL BELIEVES IN ME." "PRETTY COOL." "WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE NOT SWEEPING UP REINDEER CHIPS." "GRANDMA," "THERE'S SOMEONE HERE WHO WANTS TO SEE YOU." "GRANDMA!" "Elves:" "AHH." "OK, I'LL BITE." "WHO IS HE?" "Elves:" "OH, NO." "IT'S ME, JAKE." "DON'T YOU REMEMBER?" "EH, NOPE." "NOTHING." "WAIT." "NO." "THOUGHT I HAD SOMETHING." "YOU'VE GOT TO REMEMBER." "COUSIN MEL'S TAKEN OVER." "WHO'S COUSIN MEL?" "YOU KNOW, BIG RED HAIR," "GREEDY, MONEY-GRUBBING," "TOO MUCH JEWELRY, BEATS GRANDPA AT CARDS." "SHE DOESN'T SOUND VERY NICE." "SHE ISN'T." "IF YOU DON'T COME BACK RIGHT AWAY," "SHE'S GOING TO SELL YOUR STORE TO MR. BUCKS." "WITHOUT IT, OUR FAMILY AND CHRISTMAS" "WILL NEVER BE THE SAME." "THAT'S TERRIBLE." "WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?" "WILL YOU COME BACK WITH ME AND STOP THE SALE?" "BETTER THAN LAYING AROUND HERE ALL DAY GETTING FAT." "OH, YEAH!" "QUINCY, HOOK UP THE REINDEER TO THE SLEIGH." "WE'RE HEADED TO THE CITY." "TURN HERE." "Santa: [SING SONG] ?" "WE'RE HERE ?" "BETTER PARK IN BACK." "[SLEIGH BELLS RING]" "Narrator:" "COUSIN MEL WASN'T ABOUT TO GIVE UP EASILY." "I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED NEXT." "IT WAS A WARM SEPTEMBER DAY." "Reindeer:" "OW!" "OH!" "OW!" "WHOA." "THAT WAS A LANDING." "I BETTER SIT HERE" "TILL MY STOMACH CATCHES UP TO THE REST OF ME." "THERE'S NO TIME, GRANDMA." "[BELCHES]" "QUINCY, KEEP AN EYE ON THINGS." "RIGHT, BOSS." "IT'S GRANDMA." "SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE MISSING." "OHH." "THIS RUINS EVERYTHING." "MR. BUCKS WILL CALL OFF THE DEAL." "THERE GOES YOUR FORTUNE AND MY 50%." "10%." "30%, PLUS EXPENSES." "DONE." "I'VE GOT AN IDEA." "YOU JUST MAKE SURE GRANDMA STAYS MISSING." "Reindeer:" "OOH!" "HOT PAVEMENT!" "OW!" "OW!" "[REINDEER NEIGH]" "[REINDEER GALLOP AWAY]" "[WATER SPLASHES]" "Reindeer:" "OHH." "HEY, HEY, COME BACK!" "UH, GRANDMA SPANKENHEIMER?" "YES." "THEY SENT ME DOWN TO GET YOU." "NOW, IF YOU'LL JUST FOLLOW ME..." "SURE, SWEETIE." "SAY, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE ANY ANTACID." "Jake:" "WAIT!" "MR. BUCKS," "YOU CAN'T BUY THE STORE FROM COUSIN MEL." "IT'S NOT HERS TO SELL." "I FOUND GRANDMA." "SHE'S WAITING DOWNSTAIRS." "SANTA WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "OHH." "SORRY." "USED TO CHIMNEYS, NOT STAIRS." "FILL THEM IN WHILE I GET GRANDMA." "Bucks:" "AND, UH, YOU WOULD BE..." "SANTA CLAUS." "YOU KNOW, HO HO HO." "NOT TO EMBARRASS YOU," "BUT I'M AFRAID ANYBODY CAN PUT ON A BIG RED SUIT," "FALSE BEARD, AND CALL THEMSELVES SANTA CLAUS." "THEY ALL WORK FOR ME." "YOU'RE AUSTIN BUCKS." "WHEN YOU WERE 6 YEARS OLD," "YOU WANTED A LIEUTENANT NEUTRON ACTION FIGURE." "LIEUTENANT NEUTRON?" "HE WAS THE BEST." "HEY, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?" "I'M SANTA." "IT'S WHAT I DO." "AMAZING." "UNBELIEVABLE." "SO, WHAT DID HAPPEN TO GRANDMA?" "I WAS MAKING MY USUAL ROUNDS..." "Santa:" "ON, DONNER!" "ON, DASHER!" "Santa:" "SOMETHING MADE MY REINDEER GO WA-HA!" "WA-HA!" "WA-HA!" "FOLLOW ME, GUYS." "Santa:" "I TRIED TO STOP THEM..." "WHOA!" "Santa:" "BUT NOTHING WORKED." "THEN EVERYTHING WENT BLACK." "I'M TERRIBLY SORRY." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO THOSE REINDEER." "WHO ARE YOU?" "OH, I BETTER GET YOU MEDICAL ATTENTION." "QUINCY, LEAVE A NOTE EXPLAINING WHAT HAPPENED." "SO OF COURSE SHE WAS WELCOMED TO STAY" "AT THE NORTH POLE UNTIL SHE FELT BETTER." "WE'VE GOT GREAT MEDICAL CARE" "EVERY THERAPY AND TREATMENT IMAGINABLE..." "AT NO--HO HO HO--COST." "THANKS FOR STRAIGHTENING OUT THIS WHOLE MESS, SANTA." "I'M EAGER TO SEE GRANDMA AND TELL HER THE SALE IS OFF." "HO HO HO!" "SURE GLAD EVERYTHING WORKED OUT OK." "I'M SORRY." "I HAD TO CHASE THE REINDEER." "I WAS GONE FOR A MINUTE." "SHE WANDERED OFF." "WHO?" "GRANDMA!" "WE COULDN'T FIND HER ANYWHERE." "SHE'S MISSING AGAIN." "SINCE GRANDMA IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND," "AND THE MAN IN THE RED SUIT HERE" "ADMITTED HE RAN OVER HER," "I DEMAND THAT YOU HAVE SANTA ARRESTED" "FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE OF GRANDMA." "NO!" "Narrator:" "THE NEWS THAT SANTA HAD BEEN ARRESTED" "FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE OF GRANDMA WAS A SHOCK" "ESPECIALLY TO MRS. CLAUS." "SANTA'S BEEN ARRESTED." "OH!" "Narrator:" "I SHOULDN'T SAY EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED," "BECAUSE COUSIN MEL AND HER PARTNER IN CRIME" "MS. SLIME..." "SURE WEREN'T." "HERE." "LUCKY THING SHE STILL HAS A CASE OF AMNESIA" "AND DOESN'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE." "LUCKY IS RIGHT," "BUT WE CAN'T KEEP HER LOCKED UP IN HERE FOREVER." "WE WON'T NEED TO." "WE JUST NEED TO KEEP HER OUT OF SIGHT LONG ENOUGH" "FOR THE JURY TO FIND SANTA CLAUS GUILTY" "OF HER DISAPPEARANCE." "AND THEN WE SUE THEM FOR ALL THAT MONEY." "THINK OF IT-- SANTA'S FOUND GUILTY." "WE WIN THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS CASE OF HIT-AND-RUN." "OH, SANTA CLAUS MUST BE WORTH A FORTUNE," "CONSIDERING HE SUPPLIES GIFTS TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD." "THAT'S 2.5 BILLION TIMES..." "[MUTTERS]" "HMM." "WHAT DO YOU THINK HE SPENDS" "ON AVERAGE PER PERSON?" "WHAT, $10, $15?" "EVEN IF IT'S JUST 5," "YOUR SHARE AS GRANDPA'S FINANCIAL ADVISOR IS..." "WOOF." "WOOF?" "?" "GRANDPA'S GONNA SUE THE PANTS OFF OF SANTA ?" "?" "THAT'S WHAT GRANDPA'S GONNA DO ?" "WHOO-HOO!" "?" "GRANDPA'S GONNA SUE THE PANTS OFF OF SANTA ?" "?" "'CAUSE GRANDMA WOULD'VE WANTED HIM TO ?" "[TRILLS TONGUE] WHOO!" "?" "GRANDPA'S GONNA SUE THE PANTS OFF OF SANTA ?" "?" "HE KNOWS THE LAW IS ON HIS SIDE ?" "ON HIS SIDE." "?" "GRANDPA'S GONNA SUE THE PANTS OFF OF SANTA ?" "?" "SANTA'S GOING FOR A RIDE ?" "A RIDE." "?" "GRANDPA'S GONNA SUE THE PANTS OFF OF SANTA ?" "?" "THAT'S WHAT GRANDPA'S GONNA DO ?" "HA HA!" "?" "GRANDPA'S GONNA SUE THE PANTS OFF OF SANTA ?" "?" "'CAUSE GRANDMA WOULD'VE WANTED HIM TO ?" "NO PANTALONES." "?" "GRANDPA'S GONNA SUE THE PANTS OFF OF SANTA ?" "?" "HE KNOWS THE LAW IS ON HIS SIDE ?" "ON HIS SIDE." "?" "GRANDPA'S GONNA SUE THE PANTS OFF OF SANTA ?" "?" "SANTA'S GOING FOR A RIDE ?" "?" "?" "SANTA'S GOING FOR A RIDE" "?" "SANTA'S GOING FOR A RIDE ?" "VAMONOS." "I'M AT THE COURTHOUSE," "WHERE THE SENSATIONAL SANTA CLAUS TRIAL" "IS REACHING ITS CLIMAX." "IT'S ALREADY DECEMBER," "AND AFTER WEEKS OF TESTIMONY BY SEVERAL WITNESSES, 3 QUESTIONS REMAIN" "DID SANTA'S REINDEER RUN OVER GRANDMA?" "WHERE IS SHE NOW?" "AND WITHOUT SANTA CLAUS," "WILL THERE BE A CHRISTMAS?" "DISTRICT ATTORNEY HARTUNG" "IS MAKING HIS IMPASSIONED SUMMATION." "AND SO, IN CLOSING," "DO I WANT TO SEE SANTA CLAUS GO TO JAIL?" "PERSONALLY, NO," "BUT I REPRESENT THE STATE AND MUST DO MY JOB." "THE EVIDENCE PROVES SANTA CLAUS" "IS RESPONSIBLE FOR GRANDMA'S DISAPPEARANCE," "SO IF THE BEARD FITS, YOU MUST CONVICT." "[TV TURNS OFF]" "IF HE GOES TO JAIL," "IT WILL BE THE END OF CHRISTMAS." "WHAT CAN I DO, GRANDPA?" "FIND GRANDMA-- AGAIN." "MAYBE SHE DIDN'T WANDER OFF." "BUT EVERYONE LOVES GRANDMA." "WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?" "All:" "COUSIN MEL." "[SNIFFS]" "Jake:" "HEY, BOY, WHAT YOU SMELL?" "GRANDMA?" "JAKE, GET THAT MUTT AWAY FROM MY BACKPACK." "SURE, COUSIN MEL." "OK, DOOFUS," "DO YOUR SMELL THING." "[SNIFFING]" "KEEP IT UP, DOOFUS." "[BARKS]" "Jake:" "SO THAT'S WHERE SHE WAS GOING." "Mel:" "IT WON'T BE TOO MUCH LONGER, GRANDMA." "THE JURY IS ABOUT TO FIND" "YOUR FRIEND IN THE RED SUIT GUILTY." "AND WHO WOULD THAT BE?" "YOU STILL DON'T REMEMBER A THING, DO YOU?" "[GASPS]" "MY PLAN IS GONNA WORK." "I'M GONNA BE WEALTHY," "AND THERE'S NO ONE WHO CAN STOP ME." "[KNOCK ON DOOR]" "Man:" "HELLO, INSIDE!" "WHO CAN THAT BE WAY OUT HERE?" "HOW SHOULD I KNOW?" "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM." "Man:" "IF THAT'S YOUR CAR PARKED DOWN BY THE ROAD," "YOU BETTER CHECK IT OUT." "SOME BEARS ARE HANGING AROUND IT." "THANK YOU." "I WAS LEAVING ANYWAY." "OK, BUT DON'T TAKE TOO LONG." "HAVE A SAFE, FIRE-FREE DAY." "GOOD JOB." "I CAME AS SOON AS I RECEIVED YOUR E-MAIL, MASTER JAKE." "NOW WHAT DO YOU HAVE UP YOUR SLEEVE" "TO GET ME INSIDE?" "[DUST FALLS IN CHIMNEY]" "[BARKS]" "NICE ENTRANCE." "WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?" "JAKE SPANKENHEIMER..." "YOUR GRANDSON." "DOESN'T RING A BELL," "BUT THANKS ANYWAY." "DON'T THANK ME, THANK DOOFUS." "[LAUGHS]" "AND I SUPPOSE THIS OVEREXCITED POOCH" "IS DOOFUS?" "[BARKS]" "AHA." "GRANDMA, I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO EXPLAIN," "BUT WE'RE GOING TO THE STORE." "WHAT'S AT THE STORE?" "YOUR MEMORY." "THIS IS SPANKENHEIMER'S." "REMEMBER?" "YOUR ELF COSTUME." "YOU'D WEAR IT TO READ TO THE KIDS" "WHILE THEIR PARENTS WERE SHOPPING." "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT." "YOU REMEMBER!" "NO, THAT I WOULD WEAR THAT SHADE OF GREEN" "WITH MY COLORING." "EASY FOR YOU TO SAY." "TELL ME AGAIN WHY I'M BAKING 2 CAKES." "Jake:" "ONE'S WITH YOUR RECIPE," "THE OTHER USES THE STUFF IN THE VIAL" "I FOUND AT COUSIN MEL'S CABIN." "AND THIS IS YOUR FAMOUS HOMEMADE FRUITCAKE" "THAT, UH, A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKED." "Grandma:" "MMM." "HMM." "[SWALLOWS]" "JAKE, WHAT AM I DOING HERE?" "GRANDMA, YOU REMEMBER!" "OH, YEAH!" "YOU LOST YOUR MEMORY," "BUT NOW IT'S BACK." "OH..." "IT FELT LIKE I WAS IN A DREAM," "AND YOU WERE IN IT AND SANTA CLAUS" "AND--AND MRS. CLAUS." "I THOUGHT I WAS IN HAWAII," "ONLY IT WAS COLD." "BUT IF EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME IS TRUE," "WHY AREN'T WE AT THE COURTHOUSE" "TO PROVE THAT I'M OK?" "WE'RE ON OUR WAY." "HAS THE JURY REACHED A VERDICT?" "AHEM." "YES, WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR." "IN THE MATTER OF THE STATE VS." "SANTA CLAUS," "WE, THE JURY, FIND" "Jake:" "STOP!" "SANTA IS INNOCENT." "I'M GRANDMA, AND I'M NOT MISSING." "I'M RIGHT HERE." "THAT WOMAN IS A FRAUD." "GRANDMA DOESN'T KNOW WHO SHE IS." "HONEYBUNCHES!" "GRANDMA!" "MOM!" "ORDER IN THE COURT." "ORDER IN THE COURT." "SINCE GRANDMA ISN'T MISSING," "I HEREBY RULE THAT SANTA CLAUS" "IS INNOCENT OF CAUSING HER DISAPPEARANCE." "[CROWD CHEERING]" "YOUR HONOR," "THERE ARE STILL THE CHARGES" "OF SLEIGH-HICULAR HIT-AND-RUN" "AND LEAVING THE SCENE OF AN ACCIDENT." "I CAN ANSWER THAT, YOUR HONOR." "IF YOU AND THE JURY WOULD TASTE THIS FRUITCAKE..." "NO!" "DON'T!" "SHE OBJECTS!" "OVERRULED." "CONTINUE." "THIS ONE WAS MADE BY GRANDMA" "USING HER SPECIAL INGREDIENTS." "TASTE IT AND THEN COMPARE IT" "TO THE PIECES OF CAKE" "FOUND AT THE SCENE OF THE ALLEGED CRIME" "STATE'S EVIDENCE NUMBER 12." "[GULP]" "DO WE HAVE TO, YOUR HONOR?" "GOOD QUESTION." "DO WE HAVE TO?" "YES." "I THINK YOU WILL FIND" "A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO." "ALL RIGHT." "IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE," "WE EAT FRUITCAKE." "[JURY ENJOYS]" "NOW TASTE STATE'S EVIDENCE NUMBER 12," "FOUND WHERE GRANDMA DISAPPEARED." "[JURORS GAGGING]" "SO, WHAT'S YOUR POINT?" "THESE PIECES" "HAD AN EXTRA INGREDIENT IN THEM" "FROM THIS VIAL OF BAD STUFF" "FOUND AT COUSIN MEL'S CABIN." "[WHISTLES]" "[CROWD GASPS]" "Woman:" "REINDEER!" "[SNIFFS]" "YOU SEE, YOUR HONOR," "IT HAD THE EFFECT OF REINDEER NIP." "THAT'S WHY THE REINDEER KNOCKED OVER GRANDMA." "IT WASN'T SANTA'S RECKLESS DRIVING." "[SIGHS] I, UH, COULDN'T CONTROL MYSELF." "THE BOY HAS DONE IT AGAIN." "I RULE THAT SANTA IS ALSO INNOCENT" "OF THE HIT-AND-RUN CHARGE." "AND I SUPPOSE JAKE HAS AN ANSWER" "TO THE CHARGE OF LEAVING THE SCENE OF AN ACCIDENT?" "SLEIGH-HICULAR NEGLIGENCE?" "DOOFUS DOES." "HE'S MY DOG." "WHAT?" "I OBJECT." "[SIGHS] LET'S HAVE IT." "THIS IS A NOTE" "SANTA LEFT AT THE ACCIDENT SCENE" "EXPLAINING EVERYTHING." "DUST IT FOR FINGERPRINTS." "[CROWD MURMURING]" "ALL RIGHT, I ADMIT IT." "YES, YES, I DID IT." "I HID THE NOTE." "AND?" "AND I MADE GRANDPA SIGN OVER HIS RIGHTS TO THE STORE." "AND?" "I'M BEHIND THIS EVIL TRIAL." "AND?" "AND I HATE THE GOODY-GOODY FEELINGS OF CHRISTMAS," "ALL THIS CARIN' AND SHARIN'." "SO I KIDNAPPED GRANDMA" "AND MADE SANTA CLAUS THE FALL GUY" "SO I COULD GET ALL HIS MONEY." "HEY, I DESERVE TO BE RICH." "ARREST THIS WOMAN FOR OBSTRUCTING JUSTICE" "AND ALMOST RUINING CHRISTMAS." "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING SELFISH AND STUPID." "BABE...[LAUGHING] YOU'LL LOOK GREAT IN STRIPES." "SANTA CLAUS," "YOU ARE HEREBY FOUND INNOCENT OF ALL CHARGES." "YOU ARE FREE TO GO!" "[CHEERING]" "OOH, YEAH!" "MAY I SAY ONE THING, YOUR HONOR?" "Judge:" "OF COURSE." "JAKE..." "YOUSAVED CHRISTMAS." "[CHEERING]" "[CHEERING]" "[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]" "GRANDMA, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR STORE." "[SIGHS] YOUNG MAN," "AFTER EVERYTHING JAKE HAS GONE THROUGH," "DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M GONNA SELL?" "I DON'T WANT TO BUY IT." "I WANT TO FRANCHISE IT," "OPEN SPANKENHEIMER GENERAL STORES" "[LAUGHING] ALL OVER THE COUNTRY." "AND I WANT YOU TO BE IN CHARGE." "YOU DID IT." "YOU'RE A PRETTY COOL LITTLE BRO." "WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU, JAKE." "YOU NEVER GAVE UP, EVEN WHEN THE REST OF US DID." "SO, JAKE, WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?" "Jake:" "NOTHIN'." "I ALREADY GOT THE BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER." "I FEEL THE SAME WAY." "I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK, GRANDMA." "ON, DONNER!" "ON, BLITZEN!" "ON, CUPID!" "ON..." "THE REST OF YA!" "[SLEIGH BELLS RINGING]" "Narrator:" "WELL, THAT'S THE STORY," "JUST THE WAY IT HAPPENED." "UH, HA HA HA, WAIT." "I LEFT OUT ONE MORE THING." "NOT THAT ONE!" "IT'S COUSIN MEL'S!" "Reindeer:" "WA-HA!" "Santa:" "WHOA-HO!" "WHAT?" "OH, NO!" "REINDEER NIP!" "NOT AGAIN!" "Man: ?" "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER ?" "?" "WALKING HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE ?" "?" "YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA ?" "Santa:" "HO HO HO!" "iFELIZ NAVIDAD!" "?" "BUT AS FOR ME AND GRANDPA , WE BELIEVE ?" "?" "SHE'D BEEN DRINKING TOO MUCH EGGNOG ?" "?" "AND WE BEGGED HER NOT TO GO ?" "?" "BUT SHE FORGOT HER MEDICATION ?" "?" "AND SHE STAGGERED OUT THE DOOR INTO THE SNOW ?" "?" "?" "WHEN WE FOUND HER CHRISTMAS MORNING ?" "?" "AT THE SCENE OF THE ATTACK ?" "?" "SHE HAD HOOFPRINTS ?" "?" "ON HER FOREHEAD ?" "?" "AND INCRIMINATING ?" "?" "CLAUS MARKS ON HER BACK ?" "?" "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER ?" "?" "WALKING HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE ?" "?" "YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA ?" "?" "BUT AS FOR ME AND GRANDPA ?" "?" "WE BELIEVE ?" "?" "NOW WE'RE ALL SO PROUD ?" "?" "OF GRANDPA ?" "?" "HE'S BEEN TAKING THIS SO WELL ?" "?" "SEE HIM IN THERE WATCHING FOOTBALL ?" "?" "DRINKING BEER AND PLAYING CARDS WITH COUSIN MEL ?" "?" "IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS ?" "?" "WITHOUT GRANDMA ?" "?" "ALL THE FAMILY'S DRESSED IN BLACK ?" "?" "AND WE JUST CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER ?" "?" "SHOULD WE OPEN UP HER GIFTS OR SEND THEM BACK?" "?" "?" "SEND THEM BACK!" "?" "?" "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER ?" "?" "WALKING HOME FROM OUR HOUSE ?" "?" "?" "CHRISTMAS EVE ?" "?" "?" "YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA ?" "?" "BUT AS FOR ME AND GRANDPA ?" "?" "WE BELIEVE ?" "?" "NOW THE GOOSE IS ON THE TABLE ?" "?" "AND THE PUDDING MADE OF FIG ?" "?" "AHHHH ?" "?" "AND THE BLUE AND SILVER CANDLES ?" "?" "THAT WOULD JUST HAVE MATCHED THE HAIR IN GRANDMA'S WIG ?" "?" "I WARNED ALL MY FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS ?" "?" "BETTER WATCH OUT FOR YOURSELVES ?" "?" "THEY SHOULD NEVER GIVE A LICENSE ?" "?" "TO A MAN WHO DRIVES A SLEIGH AND PLAYS WITH ELVES ?" "?" "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER ?" "?" "WALKING HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE ?" "?" "YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA ?" "?" "BUT AS FOR ME AND GRANDPA , WE BELIEVE ?" "?" "SING IT, GRANDPA ?" "?" "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER ?" "?" "WHOO ?" "?" "WALKING HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE ?" "?" "YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA ?" "?" "WHOO HOO HOO HOO ?" "?" "BUT AS FOR ME AND GRANDPA , WE BELIEVE ?" "MERRY CHRISTMAS." "CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS."