"Narrator:" "Today seemed like any other day in the life of Maxwell Smart." "He was trying to borrow money, but little did he know of the strange fate that was going to make him... a hunted man." "I believe you're next, Mr. Smart." "I applied for a $300 loan." "I hate to bother you for such a small amount." "Oh, no bother at all, Mr. Smart." "I think I have your papers right here." "I've been a depositor here for over 10 years." "Yes, I know." " Loan denied." " Loan denied?" "But I don't understand." "I only asked for $300." "Well, if you had some collateral-- stocks, real estate..." "Well, if I had some collateral," "I wouldn't need your $300." "Could you make it $250?" "The answer is definitely no, Mr. Smart." "Well, if you feel that way about it," "I'll just close up my whole account." "That'll be $3.80." "$3.80?" "You're overdrawn as usual." "Will there be anything else, Mr. Smart?" "Could I have a calendar?" " No." " Oh." "Well, would you validate my parking ticket?" "Oh, that won't be necessary, Mr. Smart." "You see, while you were waiting, we had to repossess your car." "Very well, Mr. Corrigan, but you haven't heard the last of this." "I have friends." "I'll be back, and I'll get that loan." "All right, everybody stay right where you are." "This is a stick-up." "Anybody makes a false move-- you're dead." "Don't anybody try to be a hero now." "Anybody who follows us gets his head blown off." "( theme music playing )" "All right, Max, you can take that silly face off now." "KAOS will be pleased." "Killing that guard is gonna put our old friend Maxwell Smart right in the hot seat." "Now all we have to do is plant the evidence in his apartment and wait for justice to take its course." "Don't try anything, punk." "I got you covered." "What is this?" "Who are you people?" "What are you doing in my apartment?" "Police department, Mr. Smart." "This is Sergeant Gronski from homicide." "I'm Mr. Lathrop from the legal department." "I'm here to protect your rights." "Now that the introductions are over, get against the wall." "Now, wait a minute, Sergeant." "What are the charges here?" "Holding up the Third Street Bank and killing a guard." "Oh." "Holding up a bank, and killing a guard?" " That's ridiculous." " Shut up and answer the question." "How do you explain that $50,000 we found in that chair?" "Oh, that 50" "Oh, that $50,000 in the-- in the chair." "Yes, that-- that 50,000, yes." "Well, uh..." "I carry a lot of loose change on me, and down through the years it slips out of my pockets and it goes down behind the cushions" "How do you explain this gun we found here that was used to kill the guard?" "This gun that was used to kill the guard" "How do you explain six eyewitnesses who've identified you?" "Six eyewitnesses." "That's a lot of witnesses." "And how do you explain being in the same bank on the same morning of the holdup, demanding money?" "Demanding money." "I want a lawyer!" " We're going downtown." " Now, wait a minute, Sergeant." "You're making a big mistake taking me downtown." "I have a lot of influential friends." "You won't hold me there for 15 minutes." "Chief, you've got to get me out of here." "Max, you needed money, you were in the bank, you were identified by six witnesses, they found the stolen money in your apartment, they found the gun in your apartment." "There's even a picture of you in the act of robbing the bank!" "Chief, I'd like to ask you one question." " What?" " Do you think I'm guilty?" "Don't worry, Max, we've got the best criminal lawyer available." "Gregson?" "No, he wouldn't touch the case." "Bomser?" "No, he said he was leaving town right after he heard about your case." "Yarmy?" "No, he's defending the Boston Strangler." "Don't tell me it's Hanrahan." "Both:" "It's Hanrahan." "I asked you not to tell me that." "He hasn't won a case in 30 years." "I guess he just wants to keep his record perfect." "Don't give up hope, Max." "99, you don't know what it's like being behind bars, cut off from everyone-- the solitude, the endless routine, the minutes dragging into hours, the hours dragging into days, the days dragging into weeks," "the weeks dragging into years." "Max, you've only been in jail four hours." "Oh, well, they took my watch away." "I guess I lost track of time." "99:" "Max, there's only one chance-- we've got to find the one-handed man." "He's the only one who can prove you didn't do it." "Don't worry, 99." "This whole thing is ridiculous." "I just dare them to try to bring this to trial." "I just dare them." "The court will come to order." "You may proceed, Mr. Hahn." "Thank you, Your Honor." "Mr. Corrigan," "Is the man who shot the bank guard here in this courtroom?" "Yes, sir." "He is." "Will you point him out, please?" "Him." "That's him." "That's the punk." "You seem to live quite expensively, Mr. Smart." "If you don't rob banks for a living, just how do you support yourself?" "For your information, I have an excellent job." "I work for a very important org" "I work for an organization that makes greeting cards." "And how much did you make selling greeting cards last year?" "I made $35,000." "You expect us to believe that you make $35,000 a year selling greeting cards?" "Judge Thatcher here makes only $25,000 a year." "He sells greeting cards too?" "There's only one possible verdict that you can bring in-- guilty of murder in the first degree." "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you have heard the distinguished district attorney present his evidence that on the surface sounds extremely damaging to the defendant." "But if we review the evidence in the cold light of reason... the defense rests." "Mr. Smart, your life is at stake." "The court does not feel that the honorable attorney for the defense has given you the full benefit of his legal talents." "If you wish, the court will grant you time to say a few words in your own defense." "Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in the past 20 minutes I have sat idly by while my worthy opponent, the prosecuting attorney, has stood up here and made a complete jackass out of himself." "Now it's my turn." "Now, it's easy for the prosecuting attorney to stand up here and accuse me of all these horrible crimes." "It's easy for him." "He's got proof." "But what about me?" "Now after hearing all the evidence in this case, in all justice there was only one possible verdict that you could bring in." "However, I'm hoping you'll forget about justice and bring in a verdict of not guilty." "I'd like to say one more thing" "Your Honor, I object, and I object strenuously, to the unfair and unethical methods of the prosecuting attorney in trying to influence the foreman of this jury, Mr. George Graft, who we all know is a fine and upstanding citizen of this community" "and above reproach." "Incidentally, Mr. Graft, it has come to my attention that today is your birthday, and so I brought along this little token to make it a little more memorable." "I intend to have it suitably engraved," ""To the foreman of the jury that acquitted Maxwell Smart."" "You can pick it up after the verdict is in." "Mr. Smart, this is a court of law." "I'm sorry about that, Your Honor." "Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you will retire to the jury room to deliberate." "Take all the time you wish." "They must have done it in the hall." "We find the defendant guilty of murder in the first degree." "Maxwell Smart, this court now sentences you to be taken to the state penitentiary" " and held there for 30 days." " 30 days?" "Thank you very much, Your Honor." "And then to be executed in a manner and place so designated by the laws of this state." "Get in, punk." " Hey, that's the guy" " Get in." "But you don't understand, Gronski." " That was the one-handed man." " Yeah, punk, yeah." "You've gotta listen to me." "He's the only one" " that can prove I'm innocent." " Forget it." "Narrator:" "Maxwell Smart is now a fugitive." "There is no place for him to turn-- no refuge, no safe haven." "He must find the one-handed man to prove his innocence." "But always behind him is the specter-- Sergeant Gronski, relentlessly pursuing him." "You think you can handle it, pal?" "Are you kidding?" "I just told you" "I was head chef at the Waldorf Astoria for four years." "Waldorf Astoria?" "Never heard of it." "Can you cook hamburgers?" "Well, that's all they served." "Well, it's a little slow right now, so I'm going in the back and take a little snooze." "If you need anything, holler." "Don't worry, I can handle it." "( jazz music playing )" "Give me a cup of coffee and a hamburger." "A cup of coffee and a hamburger." "Coming up." "Okay, here we are." "We always give a free cup of coffee on the house." "And your hamburger will be ready in a minute." "Give me a hunk of pie while I'm waiting." "A hunk of pie." "What kind would you like?" "What kind have you got?" "Well, let's see now, we've got apple, we've got cherry and" "( clears throat ) you'd better stick with the cherry." "Cherry." "Okay." "Cherry pie coming up." "Say, is that guy calling you out there?" " Okay." " What guy?" "Oh, I guess he passed." "You got a napkin?" "What kind of a joint are you running here, for crying out loud?" "Radio announcer:" "And now for the local news." "While being taken to the state penitentiary for execution," "Maxwell Smart, convicted murderer, escaped and is believed somewhere in this area." "An intensive search is in progress." "Civilians are asked to help." "His description is as follows-- black hair, a mean mouth, beady brown eyes, weight approximately 155 lbs, medium height." "This man is dangerous." "If seen, please contact your local police or the FBI." "We now return to our regular program." "( jazz music playing )" "You're Maxwell Smart, aren't you?" "Yes." "I guess this means that I am fired." "Murderer, huh?" "No." "No, really, I'm innocent." "I really am." "I don't know why, but I believe you." "Thank you." "Get going." "I'll give you one hour before I call the police." "Thank you very much." "What about my pay?" "You've got 59 minutes now." "59 minutes now." "Listen, I'm gonna need another job somewhere." "I wonder if you could give me a little reference-  58 minutes." " 58 minutes." "Bye." "Narrator:" "Once more Maxwell Smart is on the run." "When will it end?" "When will he find peace?" "Who knows?" "Who can tell?" "Another journey, another place." "Beware the eyes of strangers or even of friends, or they may turn against you." "Keep moving." "Operator, I want long distance." "Reverse the charges." "The number is... ( phone rings )" " Hello." " Hello, 99?" "Max!" "Where are you?" "I'm outside of Baltimore." "I found the one-handed man." " You did?" " Yes, he's holed up in the Main Street Hotel." "I'm going in to get him." "No, Max, wait!" "The Chief and I can be there in an hour or so." "It'll take me that long to get through town, and I don't have car fare." "Goodbye." "Max!" "Max!" "I knew he'd call his girlfriend sooner or later." "Main Street Hotel in Baltimore." "I'm going after him." "You call Headquarters in Baltimore, tell them to have two men meet me at the airport." "( silence )" "Uh, how about a little service here?" "As soon as I finish this page." "Do you have any vacancies here?" "We've always got vacancies." "What do you want, the bridal suite or the royal suite?" "The royal suite." "The bridal suite's near the bathroom." "Hey, no luggage, huh?" "It's on the way from the airport." "Sure, sure." "That'll be two bucks in advance, and 25¢ deposit for the key." "I run a respectable place here." "( sirens blaring )" "Break it up." "The cops are here." "Oh, and Rose?" "The cops are here." "Yeah." " ( whistling )" " Police." "Really?" "You don't say." "You've seen this man?" "Yeah." "He was just here." "He was here just a minute ago." "We'll stake out the hotel." "Stake out?" "That's the third time this week." "Nobody believes I run a respectable joint-- uh, house-- hotel." "Cover the exits." "You take the back door." "Oh, Brogan, you'd better take the roof instead." "I'll have Murphy take the back door." "1,000,200 games of solitaire you've played." "Don't you know any other card came?" "One-handed gin." "Let's go out and hold up a bank." "We'll keep the money this time." "KAOS told us to lay low until Smart's found and executed." "When KAOS tells you to lay low, you lay low," " or they put you away even lower." " Argh." "Ravage, will you take that mask off?" "Your own face is ugly enough, but that one's even worse." "Ravage:" "Were you talking to me?" "Hold it." "I wouldn't pull that trigger if I were you." "Give me one good reason." "I'll give you three good reasons." "What are you talking about?" "This entire place is surrounded by CONTROL agents." "You'll never get out of here alive." "No, but Maxwell Smart will." "Turn around." "Stop, Smart." "Police officers." "You know, I'm kind of surprised." "There was a time there were I really thought he might have been innocent." "You were right, Gronski." "He's wearing a mask." "The one-handed man is upstairs." "Well, I guess that just about wraps up the case, Gronski." "Well, I guess I was wrong, Smart." " No hard feelings, eh?" " No, no hard feelings." "You were just trying to execute me." "Yeah." "Can I give you a lift somewhere?" "No, thanks." "I'd rather walk." "Narrator:" "Maxwell Smart can now walk instead of run." "His days and nights of fear and hiding are behind him." "He's a free man." "( theme music playing )"