"[ music playing ]" "[ radio chatter ]" "[ alarms blaring ]" "Where's the damn negotiator?" " They said 10 minutes." " 10 minutes?" "They're all gonna be dead in 10 minutes." "Sir, I think we got company." "What the hell is he doing here?" "I don't know." "Son of a bitch thinks he's a hero now." "Well, he's gonna get us all ki... [ gunfire ]" "Look out, Jack!" "Hold your fire!" "Hold your fire!" "Get down!" "No, Jack!" "No!" "No!" "[ gurgling ] Jack!" "Jack!" "Don't leave me, Jack!" "Don't leave me!" "Jack!" "No!" "No!" "Nooooo!" "[ inhales ] Nooo!" "Cut!" "Cut!" "No!" "That's a cut!" "Cut!" "Cut!" "Cut!" "Are those the lines?" "Is that the script?" "Give..." "Colton!" "Hey, man, are you okay?" "Ah, I think I hurt my back." "Oh, oh, oh, you were so good, man." "I know why I quit acting now." "Oh, yeah." "Everything looked just fine to me." "You looked fine to me." "Ow!" "Let me rub that back for you." "Good job, Marty." "Come on." "Come on." "Come on." "Let me rub that for you." "What happened to the scene?" "What happened to the comedy?" "Well, I changed a few things, kid." "[ chuckles ] You changed some things?" "You can't do that." "Were you gonna tell anyone?" "Well, you know, I..." "Wasn't working for me." "It might be a little too funny." "Yeah, it was too funny." "Yeah." "Too funny?" "It's supposed to be funny." "It's a comedy." "It's called "Clown Cops."" "Yeah, well, my friend..." "You came out of a pizza cop car." "My friend just got shot, Joshie." "It's a flesh wound." "He lives." "Yeah." "I mean, you seen the scene." "Have you read the scene?" "Have you read the script?" "Yeah, I have, but my character hasn't." "You know, in my opinion, it should be more serious, I think." "You think?" "No, you're not paid to think." "You're paid to act, I'm paid to direct, and it's not going well." "I'm gonna have to tell the studio." "I don't want to have to tell the studio." "No." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Joshie, no, no, no." "You know what it is?" "I'm..." "Whoa!" "I'm crashing." "That's the problem." "I'm crashing." "Are you okay?" "Low blood sugar!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Chair!" "Chair!" "Chair!" "Chair!" "Whoo hoo hoo!" "I'm telling you, I'm no good..." "Where's Kyle?" "Maybe I need a salad or something." "Kyle!" "Kyle!" "Yes, Mr. West." "Kyle, lips!" "Lips!" "Quickly!" "Quickly!" "Mm mm mm." "Oh." "Well, okay." "Kyle, where's that salad, the kale salad from Lou's?" "There was a problem, Mr. West." "A problem?" "Uh, your credit card maybe was declined." "Who knows?" "I don't..." "What?" "Um, this is very lovely." "Just go get some food." "Get your blood sugar into just a nice comfy place..." "I need something." "Thank you." "And then you come back here..." "Thank you." "And then read the freaking scene as scripted!" "I promise." "I pro..." "Ooh." "This is nice." "This is a nice sport coat." "Barney's?" "Where's this from?" "It's from my grandfather." "It's beautiful, really beautiful, lovely." "I'm sorry I snapped." "It's okay." "It happens." "Just read the scene." "It's moviemaking." "Okay." "All right, people, we're resetting!" "Back to one!" "I'll be better!" "I'll be better." "I swear I'll be better." "What happened?" "What happened with the credit card?" "How'd it get declined?" "Well, there were several suspicious charges..." "What?" "In Fort Lauderdale." "Fort Lauderdale?" "Who's in Fort Lauderdale?" "I..." "Oh, gee." "Look, just call the credit card company." "Approve the charges." "Get my kale salad, and do s..." "Oh, wow." "Wow, you're so muscular." "Yeah." "Looks nice." "You're working out." "Sort of." "Good." "Okay." "Yeah." "I'm not." "[ music playing ]" "[ cellphone ringing ]" "COLTON:" "Fort Lauderdale?" "Fort Lauderdale?" "Who said I was in Fort Lauderdale?" "Your best friends, Amex and Visa." "Hey, will you pass me that mango colada?" "Hey!" "Shh." "COLTON:" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "That's not code name for a science book, huh?" "Mango colada?" "No, it's a beverage." "Well, that's alcohol, and it's Friday." "I'm 21, and I'm parched." "Besides, we didn't have class today, so we have a three-day weekend." "Some of us went to the beach, so stop freakin' out." "I'm not freakin' out, okay?" "Look," "I'm supposed to be looking after you while your mother's gone." "How am I supposed to do that when I can't find you?" "I'm not 10." "I don't have to tell you everything." "Well, you know what?" "You do, as long as I'm paying for it." "I'm fine, and I don't need my stepdad babysitting me." "You're not checking up on Mom every day while she's halfway across the world on some yoga retreat, are you?" "Hey, you know what, Raya?" "You're not your mother, okay?" "And she had a very tough year last year." "You know that." "My mom's gonna be fine." "And, no, you're right." "I wasn't there." "I was stuck in a library for 72 hours studying for finals week, being responsible, which is why you can trust me now, Colt." "I do trust you, Raya, and I know you could take care of yourself." "I know you're responsible." "And, Raya... you can call me Dad." "[ rumbling ]" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Raya?" "[ steady tone ] [ rumbling continues ]" "Uhh!" "What just happened?" "Nothing good." "[ overlapping chatter, yelling ]" "They're here." "[ hissing ]" "Lavalantula!" "[ all screaming ]" "Run!" "[ screams ]" "Watch out!" "Oh, God!" "Raya!" "Casey!" " Casey!" " Raya!" "Help me!" "No!" "[ screams ]" "Casey!" "Casey!" "[ screams ]" "We have to go!" "Hey, this is Raya." "Leave me a message." "Bye." "[ Beeps ]" "Raya, call me back." "It's your dad." "This is Lisa Johnson, and I am here in the downtown district of Fort Lauderdale after massive sinkholes all over the city have birthed another wave of lavalantulas." "And almost a year ago to the day where they first wreaked havoc on Los Angeles." "The big question on everyone's mind right now is when will the military take action?" "Or does Florida need Colton West?" "This is Lisa Johnson signing off from downtown Fort Lauderdale." "I'm not doing this again." "[ rumbling ]" "Hey, did you feel that?" "No." "Hey, man, this is not California." "Things do not shake like this in Florida." "Not outside of South Beach, anyway." "WOMAN:" "Are you all right?" "Army helicopters, shaking!" "I'm having a bad déjà vu." "No, you're not." "Uh, were you on the phone with somebody?" "Yeah, my daughter, Raya." "Where's she at?" "Fort Lauderdale." "Oh, man, I heard that's where the epicenter of all this mess is." "Come on, Colton." "What would Red Rocket do, man?" "Where are those guns you were working on?" "WOMAN:" "You okay?" "This is a modified XM25 Counter Defilade Target Engagement System, specially designed to shoot armor-piercing 50-millimeter rounds and my favorite, liquid-nitrogen bombés." "Ooh." "The Army likes to call this... [ imitates whirring ] the Punisher." "And Swiss Army knife in the clip." "But with our modifications," "I call her a cold day in Hell." "Ha ha ha." "Have you tested it?" "Nope, but she's pretty as hell." "Mm-hmm." "Mr. West, they're calling everyone back to set." "Go ahead." "We're not going back to set, Kyle." "Excuse me?" "When you signed up for this, you knew what it was gonna entail," " didn't you?" " Yes, Mr. West." "And you said it was okay with you, didn't you?" " Yes, Mr. West." " So I gotta know, punk, are you in, or are you out?" "If it means I can stop getting your salads and start shooting spiders, Mr. West, then I am all in." "Wait." "Who's shooting spiders?" "No, the only thing we're doing is shooting a scene, a very large, expensive scene that's going tens of thousands of dollars over budget every minute." "Calm down, Joshie." "Here's the deal." "I'm gonna go take a whiz, and then you and I, Mr. Director, we're gonna make movie magic." "Okay." "Sounds good." "Phew!" "Ahh." "I have a good feeling about this." "Ho ho ho." "Let's do it!" "[ sighs ] Get my bag." "Okay." "I can't." "I can't." "I can't." "No, no, no." "Not again." "Not again." "Not again." "Well... you have to." "Just one more time." "You all better be be safe." "Safe is our middle name." "Ohh!" "Okay, everyone, we're back in two minutes." "Get the helicopter back up in the air." "MAN:" "Uh, we can't do that." "Why the hell not?" "Colton just, uh, hijacked it." "No!" "Colton!" "[ "Ride of the Valkyries" playing ] [ vocalizing "Ride of the Valkyries" ]" "You know I'm gonna get fired for this, Mr. West." "You know you're gonna get a Purple Heart for this, Lester." "Anything?" "No." "The circuits are probably overloaded." "Keep dialing, Kyle." "Hey, Colt, Colt, Colt!" "We got trouble down there!" "Take a look!" "LESTER:" "You're crazy." "This is as far as I go, Mr. West." "[ gasps ] Oh, my God." "Oh, my God, this is not happening!" "Damn it." "[ sirens blaring ]" "Casey..." "I know." "I know." "We have to keep it together." "No!" "We have to get out of here, all of us." "The others." "We have to go." "They're at the bar!" "Okay, you know, I don't feel so good after that flight." "Just what are we gonna do?" "We gotta help every man, woman, and child in that order." "Gotta get everybody outta here, and we haven't even tested these yet." "[ hissing ] Whoa!" " Shoot it!" " Gun's not working!" " It should work!" " No, it isn't." "If it was working, I would have done it!" "Shoot it!" "Whoa!" "Yeah." "Yeah!" "[ laughs ]" "You okay, Mr. West?" "Hell to the yeah, baby!" "Yeah!" "Gun works." "Go easy on the explosives, man." "Just use the 50 millimeter rounds." "There's only 100 per round." "Don't tell me what to do." " Kyle." " Yeah?" "You got a stepfather, don't you?" "Depends on who you ask, but yeah." "Do you call him Dad?" "Yeah." "Eh, sometimes." "If I was your stepfather," " would you call me Dad?" " Yeah." " You would?" " Yeah." " Really?" "Huh." " Yeah." "Now go get us a vehicle!" "Okay, Dad." "Ho!" "[ screaming ]" "Ooh!" "We're going in!" "[ house music playing ]" " We have to hurry." " I know." "Oh, my God." "The music's still on." "Where's Jen and Claudia?" "I don't know." "Maybe they left before us." "Without telling us?" "I'm really worried." "Me, too." "We have to get everyone out of here." " Hey, guys!" " Hey, guys!" " Hey!" " Guys!" "Listen to us!" "Stop the music!" "Lavalantulas are coming!" "What?" "Lavalantulas!" "Never heard of 'em!" " They're coming!" " Cool, but I don't have that record yet!" "I can't play what I don't have!" " No!" "No!" " Listen to me!" "You have to clear everyone out of here!" "[ lowers volume ]" "What?" "The city's on fire!" "Hear that?" "!" "Yes." "This city is on fire!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "That's not what I meant!" "Whoo hoo hoo!" "Cut the music!" "Cut the music!" "[ screaming ] Oh, God." "[ screams ]" "Come on!" "Raya!" "Everybody has to leave!" "[ screaming ] Daniella!" "Please!" "Get it off!" "Come on!" "[ sirens blaring ]" "MAN:" "Help me!" "Aah!" "[ pop music playing on stereo ]" "We gotta split up." "Not a good idea." "I said split up." "Not a good idea." "Just do it!" "Yeah, I said it before." "[ man grunting ] [ chain saw buzzing ] [ pop music blaring ]" "Oh, you lookin' for something, pig?" "Pig?" "Oh, no." "A pig?" "A cop?" "No, no, no." "I'm not a cop." "Help!" "Help me!" "Help me, please!" "Okay, pig cop, you can die, too." "Makes no matter to me, pendejo." ""Pendejo"?" "No, no, no, no, you gotta listen to me." "There's spiders all over the city, w-with flames coming out of their mouth." "Flames coming out of their mouths!" "I mean, look, if we don't all get out of here, we're gonna be corpses, believe me." "[ revs chain saw ]" "Or not." "[ all screaming ]" "Come with me!" "[ men screaming ]" "Hey!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey," "Who dat?" "Who dat?" "Who dat?" "[ accent ] Say hello to my little friend!" "Ah, ¿cómo se llamo?" "I'm Dave." "Nice to meet you." "Mi hermana tiene cataro." "What?" "I'm American!" "Oh." "I didn't know." "Run, Dave!" "I owe you my life!" "Let's go!" "Yaah!" "Yaah!" "[ yelling ] [ hissing ]" "Aww, Dave!" "Phew!" "Wait up, man." "Have some of this!" "Have some of this, some of this, and some of that!" "Have some of this and some of this and some of that!" "They dead?" "I don't know." "Damn!" "Aah!" "[ both yelling ]" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Get it off!" "Can't get it off!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Let's go!" "MARTY:" "Man, it's a tad breezy out here." "Yeah, we gotta Kyle Reese this situation ASAP." "[ electronic music playing ]" " Where the hell is he?" " I don't know." "It's so hot out here, I could fry an egg on my face." "[ theme continues from car radio ]" "Nice ride, Kyle." "Get out." "He's driving, Switek." "Let's go." "Come on." "Your stuff's in the back!" "Thank you, Detective Gina." "Yeah." "You're in the back." "Let me have it." "Let's go." "Wait." "Where are we going?" "I can't run anymore!" "We have to get out of here!" "[ groans ]" "Daniella?" "I'm fine." "I just got burned back at the club." "Wait." "[ winces ]" "What?" "It's nothing." "It's just slightly burned." "We have to get you some medication." "Screw the medication!" "What are we gonna do?" "I have an idea." "Where are you going?" "How we doing back there, Kyle?" "Well, uh, there's nothing yet, but I did find her on that "Find My Phone" app, and she's still in Fort Lauderdale." "Hey, hey, hey!" "Castillo finds out, we're both busted again." "All right." "First, we save Raya." "Then we save Florida." "Yeah?" "You save Raya." "You save Florida." "Mm-hmm." "You save California." "Mm-hmm." "Who's gonna save us?" "We did it in L.A. We'll do it here." "We get this wrong, we're gonna get a burn notice." "What is this place?" "Hello!" "What is this?" "This is sick, exactly what we need." "Oh, hey, hey, hey!" "Don't touch that, man!" "What you doing?" "That's nothing to play with!" "Okay, that's loaded with super-cold, compressed liquid nitrogen." "I use it for house parties." "Nah, I use it to freeze the crap out of spiders, so please just put it down before you hurt somebody." "Put it down." "Whoa!" "[ both yelp ]" "Oh, my gosh!" "Hey!" "I just said put it down!" "Hey!" "This is a workplace, TJ!" "Safety first!" "I know." "I just told 'em..." "You good, bro?" "I told 'em to put it down." "Yo, I look like I got eight legs and spit lava?" "Sorry." "I'm sorry." "What the hell they doing here anyway?" "I don't know." "They just let themselves in." " We really need a car." " Yeah?" "Well, that's a $10,000 deposit and a three-month waiting list." " Deposit?" " Yes." "Lavalantulas are tearing up the entire city." "Yo, she right, TJ." "Probably be a four-month waiting list." "What?" "Did you just hear her?" "We all have to get out of here!" "We all heard her." "Half my family's from Los Angeles." "They were all killed by the lavalantulas, rest their souls." "That's why I made this gun." "True." "Now bye, Felicias." "Yeah, well, my stepfather was the guy who killed them all, okay?" "Wait a minute." "Colton West?" "That's your father?" "Stepfather, and yes." " Really?" " Really." "Yo, that man's a legend." "He's the reason I made this gun." "Ain't that right, Brick?" "Yo, "Swamp Justice," crazy movie." "[ coughs ] Crazy movie." "Crazy..." "Hey, yo, what's wrong with her?" "She was burned by the spiders." "She really needs help, so are you guys gonna help us or what?" "Please." "Yo, duck." "Brick!" "[ screaming ]" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Stop!" "Is there a problem, officer?" "You can't get through this way." "You have to turn back." "Hey, yo, what's up, M.P.s?" "We need to get to Fort Lauderdale." "That's not possible." "Listen, officer..." "Get back inside the car, sir." "We have a serious lavalantula outbreak." "I know." "That's why we're here." "No one can get through." "All the roads have been closed off." "Look, I don't know if you fellas watch the news, but we took care of these guys in Los Angeles." "My name is Colton West, authorized movie star." "I know who you are, Mr. West." "I don't care if you're the President of the United States." "No one's getting through." "[ growls ]" "What the heck are those?" "Guns!" "For killing spiders!" "All right, everyone freeze." "Hands up in the air." "Nobody move." "Officers!" "Look!" "[ yells ]" "Get down!" "Give me the gun!" "Give me the gun!" "Hurry up!" "God!" "Go!" "Gun!" "Give me the gun!" "Come on, man!" "Get us out of here!" "Whoa!" "Ah, man!" "[ screams ] [ hissing ]" "Look out!" "Okay, let's go." "Yo, fool, be careful!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Hurry!" "BRICK:" "That's what I'm talking about, boy!" "Let's go." "[ hissing ]" "KYLE:" "If we keep driving in the Glades like this, we are going to get stuck." "[ squelch ]" "[ engine revving ]" "Damn!" "I hate being right." "Wahh wahh wahh." "[ cellphone rings ]" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Phone call!" "Phone call!" "Phone call!" "It's Wyatt." "Probably asking for money." "Huh." "[ ringing continues ]" "Wyatt?" "Wyatt?" "Dad." "Dad, are you hearing the news?" "Yeah." "Thank God, son." "You're okay." "Thank God." "It's happening again in Florida." "I am freaking out right now." "No, no, no." "Wait." "What do you mean, son?" "What do you mean, you're freaking out?" "Why are you freaking out?" ""Why?" What do you mean, why?" "You're in Florida." "Raya is in Florida." "What..." "Wait." "Where are you?" "I'm..." "I'm on a movie set." "I'm not in the jungle." "I'm not stuck in the Everglades, and... and I'm not chasing lavalantulas." "Who said anything about the Everglades?" "I didn't say..." "Nothing." "I'm just..." "Nothing, son." "Just..." "I'm okay." "Raya's okay." "We're all fine." "We're gonna get out of here." "Give my love to your mom." "I love you very much, Wyatt." "Okay, Dad." "I love you, too." "And I'll see you soon." "Okay." "Bye." "So you can get a video chat from Wyatt, but can't get ahold of Raya." "Technology." "Go figure." "Technology and the fricking Everglades, man." "I'm..." "I've had enough of this place, man." "[ rips shirt ] Where's my can of Raid?" "I'm hot, and I'm thirsty, and I'm tired." "Kyle, you just left the car." "Ugh." "Okay." "Dead end, multiple directions." "Plan D?" "Why Florida?" "Huh?" "You ever wonder why Florida?" "No!" "I mean, all the crazy crap that happens in this country happens in this state!" "A man ate another man on the side of the freeway." "I mean, a couple had to remove their time machine from their driveway." "A time machine from their driveway!" "Just last month, a man was arrested for having sex with an alligator." "No offense, Florida!" "But I'm surprised it didn't happen here first!" "A man and an alligator?" "Really?" "Yeah, yeah." "Eww." "Looked it up on the Internet, one of those sites." " Don't go there." " Oh." "[ birds trilling ] [ bird cooing ]" "Marty, if that's you, I'm gonna shoot you in the foot." "What do you expect, man?" "We're outside of a floating house." "What kind of a house is this?" "I don't know." "I'm sure they got a boat, and that's what we need." "They don't even have a yard." "God." "Uhh." "All right." "Split up." "Hey, man, I don't want to split up." "Every time we split up, what happens?" "Like in the damn movies, man." "I don't want to split up." "Marty, help me out." "Just go around." "Ah, come on, man." "Let's go around." "The dude said split up, man." "Go around." "Go ahead." "[ sighs ] Still alive." "Hah!" "[ Chuckles ]" "Whew." "Shh." "Quiet." "You see?" "[ hissing ]" "Over there on my wood crapper." "Over there." "I see you." "[ sniffs ]" "Boy, you smell purty." "Where are we going?" "Anywhere these spiders ain't." " Where's that?" " Pittsburgh." "We ain't never been to Pittsburgh before." "What are you even talking about?" "BRICK:" "Whoa!" "Slow down, TJ!" "What is that?" "RAYA:" "The road!" "Great!" "Now what?" "Stay here." "Brick, how we gonna get around that?" "I don't know." "Yeah, this hole... [ gasps ] Look out!" "[ women screaming ] Look up!" "Let's do this!" "[ yelling ]" "[ yells ]" "Damn." "No." "I'm out." "Oh, my God." "Me, too, bro." "Damn." "[ screams ] Oh, sh..." "Whoa!" "Back up!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Hey, get us outta here!" "Go!" "Hey!" "TJ:" "I got a plan." "You colder than a penguin's toenail." "Yeah." "Oh, my God." "Look at that." "That is amazing." "Yo, but we out of liquid nitrogen." "How the hell we supposed to get more of that now?" "The school at the medical lab." "What school?" "Miami North University just a few miles down the road." "We go there." "Yo, what's the mascot?" "I..." "I don't know." "I'm a medical student." "But they keep a stockpile of it for experiments." "I do not like this idea." "I like it." "TJ!" "Yo, I do not like this idea!" "What the heck was that?" "Oh, my." "It's a little girl." "No, no, no!" "They're okay!" "They're okay!" "He's okay." "We're being hunted." "What that was was the first wave." "What do you mean, "first wave"?" "Well, first there were them, uh, snakehead frankenfish." "Then everybody got crazy about them Burmese pythons." "Aha." "And now we got, uh," " lavalantulas." " Yeah." "Don't they know how delicate our ecosystem is out here?" "All right." "How do we get to Fort Lauderdale?" "Well, I'd say your best bet..." "[ hissing ] is I-95." "Oh, jeez!" "National Guard closed it." "Well, can you get us across anyway?" "Can we just take that boat right there?" "That boat's got a flat tire." "Strange things have been happening." "I ain't been out there in weeks." "COLTON:" "Why is that?" "Well, about two weeks ago, the manatees started beaching themselves." "Didn't think much of it." "Then all of a sudden, these outcroppings started to rise from the Glades." "Look, I appreciate your passion for this stuff, but we got a life-and-death situation." "Mister, you're talking to Florida's number one gator man." "Name's Jim Dundee." "But, uh, hey, strawberry, you can call me Alligator." "A-Alligator Dundee?" "[ laughs ] What?" "Well, it's like, uh," "Alligator Dundee, it's kind of like..." "Kind of like what?" "Well, it's quite similar to..." "Like a superhero doing his thing." "Yeah, you know." "It's nothing!" "It's nothing!" "Look, can you get us across?" "You wanna get across?" "Mm." "Then you talk to me." "But I thought that's what we were doing." "Do what?" "Talking to you." "I'm talking to you to talk to me." "Yeah, I know." "I said you talk to me." "No, I understand that." "Then who you talking to?" "I'm..." "Nothing." "I apologize." "Do you have a boat that works?" "Do I have a boat that works?" "Yeah." "Sure." "Follow me." "Whoa." "DANIELLA:" "It's deserted." "RAYA:" "There must have been an evacuation." "If there was an evacuation, then either spiders are coming, or they're here." "We need to get in and out as quickly as possible." "Help her." "We need to talk." "Okay." "Your friend, was she burned or bit?" "I don't know." "Why." "Your father, Colton, he didn't tell you what happened in L.A.?" "I mean, I know what everyone else knows, but my family doesn't like to talk about it." "No, I heard some crazy stuff that happened when people got bit." "Like what?" "I don't know." "I'm not from L.A., so I don't know." "I'm not even..." "Like what?" "I heard that if you got bit, you become a host to baby spiders, like, thousands of 'em." "Like, they just, you know, burst out of your body." "You know what I'm saying?" "[groaning]" "That's what I heard, all right?" "She got burned, okay?" "So is that little strawberry a real close friend of yours?" "Yeah, yeah, just a distant relative." "I'm right here." "I can hear you." "Uh-huh." "There you go!" "Look at that right there." "There's an outcropping." "Boy, I ain't ever seen anything like that in my whole life." "Have you ever seen anything like that?" " Didn't I just say that?" " Yeah." "Hey, Colton, what do you think that is?" "Hell of a coincidence." "Huh." "Whoa!" "All right!" "Lavalantulas!" "Over there!" "Over there!" "Come on!" "Get some of this!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "On the crapper!" "On the crapper!" "I want some of this!" " Hey!" " Get down!" "[ overlapping yelling ]" "Off to the boat!" "To the boat!" "[ overlapping chatter ] Let's go!" "KYLE:" "Have ever seen them do this before?" "!" "It's a new breed!" "Get in the boat!" "Just get in the boat!" "Yah!" " Gator." " Dundee?" "Yeah!" "Get that knife behind you!" "Hey!" "Kill that thing, man!" "[ whimpers ]" " You okay?" " I'm okay." "I got you." "I'm fine." "I'm fine." "I got you." " No, I feel secure." " You do." " No, I feel safe." " There's one!" "[ yelling ]" "COLTON:" "Come on, man!" "Get us out of here, man!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "[ overlapping chatter ]" "I mean, we were stuck inside a ring of lava!" "Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, but we sure taught those guys something." "We gave them two cents, okay?" "We took the fight to those suckers!" "Wait." "Is this where my highly paid star is?" "Taking the fight to these things?" "I ain't saying anything." "Oh!" "Oh, here come the cavalry!" "Come on, guys." "Where's Colton West?" "Oh, good." "Are you guys here to evacuate us?" "I am Colonel Nathan R. Jester, with the Army Corps of Engineers, and I'm looking for a Colton West." "I was told he was here." "Can you tell me where I might find Colton West?" "Well, I could think of a few places." "Well, name one." "The unemployment office." "How 'bout another?" "The studio blacklist." "Yeah." "All right." "Where are you going?" "Let's set up a mobile command station right here!" "No." "No." "Move out!" "N-No one's going in there!" "That is a hot set!" "That's a hot set!" "That's movie talk for you can't move anything." "It's movie talk." "Studio blacklist?" "You think this is funny?" "Colonel Jester, I don't think there's anything funny about this at all." "Heh." "Colonel Jester... [ both chuckle ] is a little bit funny." "It's a little bit funny, yeah." "You know, I do not like your attitude." "You know, no one does." "That's what makes me a good director." "So are you here to evacuate us or what?" "Well, we'll talk about that." "But right now, for the fourth time," "I'm gonna ask you, can you tell me where I can find Colton?" "This is a matter of national security." "General..." "Colonel. he could be on a fan boat in the middle of the Everglades for all I know." "[ yelling ]" "What's happening?" "How's Gator?" "Uh, not good, man." "Jim's dead, Colton." "[ growls ]" "I think I can save him!" "Come on!" "I stopped the bleeding, or he ran out of blood, one of the two." "He's gone, yo." "Do you even know where you're going?" "Kyle, we're in a swamp." "Of course I don't know where we're going." "Wai-Wait." "Got it." "Thank..." "Go that way!" "[ growls ]" "No, no, no, no, no." "That way!" "[ growls ]" "Yee-hoo!" "A'ight, where they at?" "Where they at?" "Where we at?" "What's up, man?" "Hey, yo, Brick." "[ keys jangle ]" "Don't lose these." "Uh, okay." "[ groaning ]" "Are you okay, girl?" "I think my burn is making me feel sick." "Okay." "You're gonna be fine, okay?" "Aw, man." "Hey, guys, it's a cold room." "Come on." "In here." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "Whew." "TJ:" "Ooh." "Damn, it's cold in here." "[ shivers ]" "It has to be to keep things fresh." "We got 'em." "[ thump ] Ow!" "MARTY:" "Come on." "COLTON:" "Is everybody okay?" "Uh, Jim's still dead, man." "Ah, I meant you girls!" "I'm fine." "Uhh." "Where the hell are we, Kyle?" "Give me a second." "Um, um..." "[ coughs ]" "By my calculations, we're about 40 miles West of Fort Lauderdale." "That's not good enough!" "We gotta get to Raya!" " Well, she's..." " Hey, wait." "[ growls ] She's at her school." "Wait a minute!" "Why would she go to her school?" "Because she wants to be a geologist." "All right, we gotta get to that school." "What about..." "What about Alligator, who died of natural causes?" "Ah, that's what he would have wanted." "He's a swamp man." "Wait, wait, wait." "Wait a minute." "News flash." "We are in the middle of nowhere!" "[ distant yelling ] Shh!" "Hear that?" "[ distant cheering]" "People?" "I smell popcorn." "And I'm gonna eat it." "ANNOUNCER:" "She's been with us for 20 years!" "That's right." "Whoa." "Green!" "We call her Mean Green." "Wow!" "She ain't the biggest, but she's the meanest captive alligator in the Everglades!" "[ cheering ] [ hissing ]" "Oh." "It's an alligator show." "[ grunts ] [ rumbling ]" "That's not part of the show." "[ screams ]" "COLTON:" "Keep going!" "Go!" "Move!" "Move!" "Move!" "Keep going!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Keep moving, everyone!" "Move!" "Keep moving!" "Keep moving!" "Keep moving!" "Move it!" "Move it!" "Move!" "Move it!" "Yo, let's load the guns up, bro." "Where the guns at?" "Oh, don't you have 'em?" "Man, do I look like I got 'em?" "No." "Dude, I told you to get 'em from the truck." "That ain't what you said." "Man, yeah, I did, man." "You told me to help what's-his-face here!" "No, I didn't, man!" "Okay, enough!" "I'll grab the guns." "All right, I'll help you if that's what you trying to do." "[ hissing ]" "Back away from the lavalantula." "[ thump ]" "[ coughs ]" "It's not doing anything." "What is happening?" "Why isn't it attacking me?" "It's like it doesn't see you." "It's the cold." "That has to be it." "We're so cold that it doesn't see us a-as living." "You mean, because I'm freezing, it sees me as a chair?" "Nah, it probably sees me as a chair." "It probably sees you as like a couch or something." "Whatever." "So as long as we are cold, we're safe?" "Well, we're gonna die if we stay in here, and we're gonna die if we go out there." "Man, wish we had guns right now." "But maybe if we keep our body temperature cold enough, we can go get the guns." "With the liquid nitrogen tanks." "Like they use in cryotherapy." "Cryo-what?" "What..." "Therapy." "It's the use of really low temperatures in medical treatments." "That's it." "BRICK:" "I don't like this idea." "I do not like this idea." "[ growls ]" "Ha ha ha." "Y-You saved my life!" "Ah." "Thank you!" "My pleasure." "You know who I am," " don't you?" " Uh..." "You recognize me from movies and television?" "What about, uh, Red Rocket?" ""Hey, I'm the Red Rocket!"" "Or..." "Or, "There's Hell to Pay!"" "What about the condom commercial in the nineties?" ""Oh, this isn't mine." "It's too big!"" "No?" "What about, "Hey, nice pants."" "Nice pants?" ""Nice tattoo."" "He doesn't know who you are, Colton!" "Sorry!" "Okay." "I'm just trying to talk to the man." "That chopper, do you know who owns it?" "Zed." "Zed." "Where's Zed?" "Zed's dead, man." "Zed's dead." "Well, do you know how to fly it?" "Not a lick!" "Okay!" "Do you mind if we take it?" "If it works!" "If it works?" "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "What's going through your mind, Colton West?" "A little flick I did in the nineties called "Air Bandits." Big hit." "That was 20 years ago." "It was three hours training." "They cut the scene." "That's not a plan A. What's your plan B?" "I'll catch you later." "Oh!" "I'll catch you later." "You know that one?" "Yeah, yeah!" "Catch you later!" "Catch you later." "He remembers!" "Catch you..." "Colton, you can't fly that chopper!" "You got 847-to-3 odds." "Never tell me the odds!" "And it was four hours training!" "And 25 years ago." "Eh." "Yo, I'm so cold," "I could hug a lavalantula right now." "Okay, that should be enough." "Yeah, we should be cold enough." "We just gotta head to the truck" " and grab the guns, okay?" " Okay." "But we gotta move slow." "Give me the keys." "Uh, I put 'em on the table." "What the..." "Why?" "I didn't want to lose 'em." "Okay, let's go, but slowly." "Moving faster will raise our body temps too quickly." "Oh, and mine rises much faster than the rest of y'all's." "Ohh!" "[ Groaning ]" "Okay, TJ and I will go out there." "Brick, stay with Daniella." "It's safer in here." "And then once we reload the guns, we'll come back for you." "Nuh-uh." "Let's go." "Come on." "[ coughing ]" "Hey, yo, two words!" "Don't die." "Come on." "Let's go." "[ coughing ]" "Stay over there." "You gonna be good." "Ah." "Ooh." "Expensive." "All right." "[ slams door ] Okay." "Button, button." "Who's got the button?" "[ laughs ]" "COMPUTER:" "Too low." "No." "No." "Yes." "Yes." "Aha." "Just like I remember." "Well, fellas, I think I'm gonna be pretty good at this flying thing." "[ alarms blaring ] Oh, hey!" "Hey!" "You want my opinion on that?" "Ahh!" "Okay?" "Just a little bump in the road, ladies." "Kyle, I'm gonna need you to keep an eye on Raya's coordinates." "You're gonna be my G.P.S." "I'm gonna need you to keep us in the air!" "You're my pilot!" "Piece of cake." "[ laughs ]" "[ tank clanking ]" "[ hissing ]" "[ screeches ] [ hissing ]" "Oh." "Oh." "Okay." "Where they go?" "Okay." "Almost there." "[ hisses ]" "[ screeches ] [ hissing ]" "Okay." "Get the door." "Shh!" "I am shh!" "[ keys jangle ] [ metal rattling ] [ hissing ]" "[ both yelling ]" "TJ:" "Go!" "Go!" "Run!" "Go, go, go!" "[ screeches ]" "Whew." "Man, I hope they made it." "Brick, can you please look at my burn?" "I feel really weird, like I'm gonna..." "Like I'm gonna hurl or something." "Yo, I'm a mechanic." "I work on cars, not spider burns." "Brick, please?" "All right." "[ squelching ] [ wincing ]" "Eww." "[ Gagging ]" "Tsst!" "Ugh." " What?" " Nah, nothing." "Nothing." "It looks good." "I don't know what it was like before, but you gonna be all right." "It doesn't hurt as bad as before." "I think the cold is helping it." "Hoo." "Oh, snap!" "Oh, my..." "Oh, no!" "Get out of here." "Open the door!" "No." "[ gagging ]" "Come on." "No!" "Ohh!" "Come on!" "Uhh." "Hey!" "Move!" "What happened?" "Move!" "Raya, no." "Where's Daniella?" "Raya." "Raya." "She ain't gonna make it!" "What?" "No!" "Take her!" "Go!" "Raya, no!" "Raya, come on!" "We can't leave her!" "No!" "Come on!" "We're right above her!" "I'm gonna take her down." "She's moving faster!" "That could only mean..." "She's in trouble." "Aw, man." "Are you sure you can land this thing?" "Never underestimate me, Marty." "You know that." "[ engine revving ] [ both screaming ]" "[ gun hissing ]" "Brick, my gun's jammed." "Brick, save your ammo, man!" "[ screeches ]" "Brick!" "[ sighs ]" "There's way too many of 'em." "They're too lava, too lantula!" "Get outta here." "Brick!" "No, man!" "No!" "We have to go, TJ!" "No." "Let's do this!" "[ yelling ]" "Man, I don't want to die today." "We're not gonna die." "We just have to keep it together." "Brick's gone, okay?" "Brick's gone." "Listen to me." "Listen to me." "I lost my best friend, too." "But we're gonna get out of here, okay?" "I promise." "Uhh!" "[ hissing ]" "Wait." "Okay." "Okay." "[ growls ] [ metal crashing ]" "[ clang ] [ screeches ]" "[ growls ]" "[ hissing ] [ screeches ]" "[ tapping ]" "Ohh!" "[ screeches ]" "Go, go, go!" "Go, go!" "Go, go, go!" "Keep going!" "Keep going!" "Don't wait for me!" "Keep going." "Where's the gun?" "It's still in the kitchen right now." "[ gasps ] Ohh." "My God." "[ hissing ]" "Damn it." "[ door chime rings ]" "Ah, God." " Come on!" " I'm coming." "Leave us alone." "Whoa." "[ hisses ]" "No, no, no." "RAYA:" "What are we gonna do?" "They're everywhere." "[ roaring ] [ gunfire ] [ both yelling ]" "Whoa!" "Hey!" "Colton!" "Yes!" "Oh, yeah!" "Hey." "Oh, wait." "Wait." "Whoa, whoa." "Wait." "Wait." "Raya!" "You got a boyfriend." " Raya." " Colton!" "Oh, ho ho." "Thank goodness." "You're okay." "Daniella's dead." "Everyone's dead." "I'm so sorry." "I'm so sorry, honey." "I promise you, everything's gonna be okay." "I didn't think you'd come." "Well, if you would answer your phone once in a while." "What do you mean, I wouldn't come?" "How could I not come back for you?" "You're my daughter." "[ kiss ]" " It's gonna be okay." " Ah, that ain't true." "Ain't nothing gonna be okay." "Who's he?" "That's TJ." "Saved my life." "Yo, I'm a great fan, man, a big fan." "Thanks for coming for us, man." "I got a gun!" "I made a gun, and you inspired it." "It's in there." "I'm gonna go get it for you." "Okay, you can thank us later." "Right now we are not out of the woods yet." "We've got to find her and kill her." " Find who?" " MARTY:" "These are just babies." "The mama's hiding somewhere." "When this happened in Los Angeles, the good Dr. Von Struble gave us a thermal image of the city." "We were able to find her." "I can do that." "Thermal, spectral, infrared." "Last semester, I did my thesis on global drought and raising global temperatures." "We had access to all the satellite information." "Show us, honey." "Just follow me." "You got a cool-ass daughter, Mr. West." " Don't even think about it." " I..." "I don't want it crossing your mind." " How you know..." " You got me?" "Can..." "[ snarling ]" "Ahh!" "Okay." "All right." "So we gotta get that chopper operational." "Can you do it?" "Come on, man." "What happens every time we split up?" "Weird stuff happens." "Oh, come on, Marty." "How 'bout we split up temporarily?" "I get the chopper, and I'll meet you out front." "Great idea." "All right?" "Cool." "[ squeals ]" "Go!" "Sir." "We think we've located Colton West." "Well, get him on the line." "What did you do to my set?" "You wrecked my set!" "Wait." "Did I hear you correctly?" "Did you find that S.O.B.?" "Did you find them?" "Are they okay?" "Will you get these morons out of my office?" "Yes, sir." "Wait!" "Th-This is crazy!" "You can't take me off my own movie set, General!" "It is Colonel, and this is now a military operation." "I can do whatever the hell I want to do." "Now, Private, please get these people out of my face!" "Don't you touch me!" "I'm gonna go under my own accord." "Humph!" "Don't let me die on "Clown Cops"!" "This can't be my last movie." "We're so overbudget." "[ typing ]" "Something like this?" "Exactly like that." "Now zoom in on Miami." "Brilliant." "And you thought I was only partying, Colt." "When did I say that?" "I never said that." "I never said you were only partying." "So that's it?" "You think that's the mamalantula?" "That is one massive heat signature under Miami." "Whatever it is, it is huge." "What, the mamalantula?" "Ah, no, no, no, no." "That's much, much bigger." "That's no mamalantula." "That's a freaking gargantulantula." "TJ:" "Mamalantulantula." "Eh, what?" "The..." "The mama tarantula?" "No." "Gargantulantula." "Gorgantulantula?" "What?" "Is it..." " Gor..." "The gorgantula?" " No." " Yes..." " No, it's a gargantulantula." "It's a gor..." "Mormalantula?" " With an "O"?" " No, with a G-A-R, gar." "Gargan..." "Gargantu..." "Gargar..." "Gargantula." "Gargan..." "What's the last part?" "Say it slow." "Just say..." "Gargan..." "It's very, very bad." "It's very bad." "[ telephone warbles ] [ warble ]" "That's the government." "How do you know that?" "'Cause it's ringing really weird." "Hello." "Colton West?" "Speaking." "Yeah, this is, uh, Colonel Nathan R. Jester." "You are familiar with the situation down in Florida?" "Yeah, slightly." "Yeah, well, uh, you are the only one that has successfully dealt with these things..." "I'm sorry." "And, uh, I need your help, and I need your team." "Great." "Then come pick us up." "No can do." "You're located in a hot zone." "Yeah, in a hot zone." "Believe me, I been through this before." " COL." "JESTER:" "I know you have." " I know you have." "Well, I got an idea." "If you listen to me, I..." "No, you listen to me, General." "It's Colonel." "Colonel, you listen to me." "You position your satellites for a thermal image of Miami stat." "You found her." "I found something, 'cause this one makes the one in L.A. look like a flea." "Heh." "So we find her, we root her out, and we blow her up." "I'm no expert, but the heat signature on this one is like something I've never seen before." "It worked once." "It'll work again." "We strike hard, we strike first, and we show no mercy." "No, these aren't like the ones in L.A." "They're bigger." "They're hotter." "They're nastier." "So what are you suggesting, that we just, uh, simply do nothing and move on?" "Suggesting you don't piss it off." "I don't want you and your... your friends to do anything real stupid like the last time." "I don't have friends." "I got family." "Well, I got bombs, so you and your family can just stay tight." "We'll check out your map." "We'll get a confirmation to you." "Don't hang up on me." "They want us to sit tight." "Sit tight?" "How can anyone sit tight right now?" "They're gonna get us all killed." "Colton, this is the U.S. military we're talking about." "Kyle, you know I have a problem with authority." "Nobody, nobody knows these spiders like I know these spiders." "Colonel, thermal images are up." "Ah." "He's right." "Whatever that is, it's huge." "That is the behemoth of all spiders." "Get CENTCOM on the line." "We're gonna smoke her out." "Then we're gonna light her ass up." "[ chuckles ]" "We're gonna light her ass up." "What happened to the chopper?" " We can't get to the chopper!" " Why not?" "Remember when I told you that every time we split up, weird stuff happens?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "Well, I was on my way to the... [ imitates helicopter ]" "Right." "And all of a sudden... [ snarling, screams ]" "And..." "[ imitates explosion ]" "And then what?" "Marshmallows." "Huh." "So what do we do?" "Does anybody have a car?" "TJ:" "I do." "Ah!" "Brilliant!" "Go." "[ tires squeal ]" "I don't understand why we can't just sit back and let the military handle this." "'Cause they don't know." "And they don't know." "You keep saying that." "What don't they know?" "They haven't ridden on the back of one of these things like I have," "And he has." "And they haven't looked in the eyes of one of these things like I have." "And he has." "TJ..." "I think you made a wrong turn." "Yo, yo, chill out." "This is my hood, a'ight?" "We're dead." "What's happening?" "!" "TJ, shut the hell up, and get down!" "They're shooting at us!" "COLTON:" "They're not shooting at us." "Let's go." "Get 'em!" "Let's go!" "There's so many of 'em!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Are you Colton West?" "Damn skippy." "[ overlapping chatter ]" ""Red Rocket."" "[ screams ] Crazy movie, man." "Yeah." "They should have continued the franchise." "Look out, man!" "Come on!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "What are you doing with my punk-ass brother?" "Who you calling punk-ass, man?" "We over here saving Florida." "'Bout to get medieval on y'all." "Dad, get back in the house, man!" "You two stand back." "I'm gonna show you boys how it's done." "[ hissing ]" "[ laughs ]" " What is that, sir?" " Fire retardant." "Well, whatever the hell it is, it chased them the hell away." "You have any more of it?" "I'm out." "I'm out of ammo." "Everybody back in the house." "All right." "Come on." "When they return..." "Go in, Pops." "Go in." "They're gonna be pissed." "[ radio ] This is Delta One." "Target is in sight." " We have missile lock." " Copy that." "Operation Alpha Foxtrot is a full go." "Roger that." "Let her have it, boys." "We have direct hit, sir." "Well, that should wake her ass up, huh?" "Greetings." "It's..." "It's a nice night, all things considering." "Yeah." "It's all right." "I loved "Straight Out of Compton."" "What?" "Yeah, I know he's busy, busy destroying this entire city." "He doesn't know what he's dealing with." "Now put him on the damn phone." "What do you want?" "The little spiders, they don't matter." "It's the big one, the gargantulantula." "You kill it, and you kill 'em all." "Who's he talking to?" "Well, if it's that easy, why don't you just get some bug spray?" "I've done this before." "These lavalantulas, they're not like the last ones, and this big one, it's got so much heat, no weapon can come close to it." "I'm about to prove you wrong." "Really?" "Who's hungry?" "Really, Mom, who could eat at a time like this?" "A man's got to eat." "Now shut your mouth, and put some food in it before I slap you upside the head, damn boy." "What's wrong with you?" "You don't question your mama in front of guests." "I was just saying I wasn't hungry." "Well, make your butt hungry." "Lord, is this what it takes for a mama to get her kids back in the house at the same time, a damn lavalantula invasion?" "Mm-hmm." "Hell, if I'd have known that," "I'd have called up them lavalantulas years ago." "Woman, what's wrong with you?" "You can't call no lavalantula." "Don't tell me what I can and can't do." "I got Colton West up in my house, a real movie star." "That's very kind of you, ma'am, and completely accurate." "Don't interrupt me, movie star." "You need to eat, too." "Look skinnier than you did 20 years ago in that "Crimson Flyer" movie." "Ah, it's actually called "Red Rocket,"" "and it was a huge hit." "Mm-hmm." "[ timer ringing ] Ooh, that's the potatoes." "Elizabeth, you know them potatoes give me gas." "Oh, you gonna eat some potatoes, or I'm gonna make you wear 'em." "Sir, can you tell me again what was that material that you were shooting out of your leaf blower?" "Fire retardant?" "Really?" "Yeah, it's ammonium phosphate." "That's right." "Girl got a brain." "TJ, why can't you find a girl like that?" "What are you talking about, Pops?" "I do." "She..." "She right here, ain't she?" "[ Colton and Marty growl ]" "Hal, where do you get that stuff?" "Pops used to work for a fire department." " Really?" " Yeah." "30 years." "You know, I played a psychologically complicated fireman with a drinking problem in the hit film, "Scorcher."" "I didn't really care for that movie very much." "Really?" "They should have consulted a real fireman." "And the fire, that computer-generated crap, man, that just looked silly." "Well, it's Hollywood, Hal." "You know, I just read 'em." "I don't write 'em." "But, anyway, do you have any more of that stuff down at the station?" "Hell if I know, man." "I ain't been to the station since they cut my damn pension." "But I can tell you where they got a load of it, though." "Where?" "At the airfield, at the Forest Service." "That's where we drop it out of planes for forest fires." "Know anybody who could fly one of those planes?" "You're looking at him." "First job I had when I got out the Air Force." "Hmm." "Really?" "Colton, is there something on your mind?" "Uh-huh." "I'm thinking." "Now, one of those planes, we'd never get close enough to drop it." "That big one, the heat coming off of it, would explode the plane immediately." "Yeah, or if we even try to get close, she'll shoot that cilica garbage or whatever that is, and we would fry." "At the school, when we were being attacked, the spiders didn't see us." "She's right." "We got so cold in there." "We lowered our body temperature enough that we were invisible to them." "Really?" "So have you got any guys who could help us load one of those planes?" "Not a problem." "And have you got any guys who can get us to that airfield?" "BOTH:" "Not a problem." "And how do you feel about helping me beat that thing and saving this city?" "ALL:" "Not a problem." "Good." "Then let's extinguish the bitch." "[ pot rattling ]" "Oh, Heavenly Father." " What?" " Breaking news." "Live pictures coming in now from downtown Miami at Imagination Stadium." "Damn." "We can now see what the military has been targeting with those airstrikes." "Oh, my goodness." "It's a giant lavalantula." "The entire stadium has been reduced to rubble." "[ roaring ]" "Let's move out." "COL." "JESTER:" "Well, that sure as hell ain't no itsy-bitsy spider." "She's really big, sir." "Blow her up." "Target is live." "Proceed and destroy." "Roger that." "All right, fellas, you heard the man." "Let's go light her up." "[ roaring ] [ screams ]" "Tommy's hit!" "We're too close!" "Pull up!" "Pull up!" "[ yells ]" "It's not working, sir!" "Nothing is getting through!" "Gimme, gimme." "I'm gonna maintenance these." "Thanks a lot." "Yes, yes." " Colton!" " Ohh!" "Arni!" " What the hell are you do..." " Zip it, Colton!" "You were a pain in the ass when your career was going in the toilet, and you're a bigger pain in the ass now!" "That's what you risked your life for to tell me?" "I know what you're up to." "Are you out of your mind?" "!" "No, I've never been clearer." "I think I found a higher calling." "Higher calling, my ass." "You want to waltz into cities and save millions, you go through me." "I'm your agent!" "Ehh." " You think Hollywood pays well?" " Yeah." "Well, wait'll we hit up Uncle Sam for your services." "Ooh." "Really?" "Now you want to save a city..." "Uh-huh." "Ooh." "They go through me." "And we're gonna make millions." "Millions?" "Millions." "Millions!" "Millions!" "I gotta go save the world." "All right." "I'm gonna make some calls." "That's my agent." "[ laughs ]" "You came to me." "Go get 'em!" "Amazing!" "Came to me!" "Go get 'em!" "All right, what's the number for San Francisco?" "She can drop 90,000 gallons of fire retardant on a target before you can call for more peanuts." "[ laughs ]" "That good enough for you?" "That'll be just fine." "This is gonna be a dangerous flight, Hal." "Man, I've flown through stuff turn your butt whiter than you already are." "Ain't no spider gonna take me down." "Ah, this is not your average spider." "That's great, but in my world, if it's got eight legs, it's a damn spider." "Heh." "Now we gonna keep wasting time talking, or we gonna go ahead and take her out?" "We're gonna take her out." "[ roaring ]" "Sir, the missiles can't get through." "Well, target the ground near her feet." "Maybe she'll sweep the leg." "We can't, sir." "It's her heat signature." "Nothing's getting close." "The missiles are detonating before they can impact." "Colton was right." "She's too hot." "Well, it's time for an alternative." "Alternative, sir?" "Get the President on the horn." "We just may have to nuke my little darlin' straight back to hell." "Sir, if we do that, you'll destroy the entire state." "Hmm." "Let's hope that's all." "[ overlapping chatter ]" "Good people of Florida, your state has come under attack from one of the worst menaces known to modern history, a creature so heinous, it can only come from the pits of Hell, and if we don't stop it, millions of people will die," "and your great city will be reduced to ashes." "But not on my watch!" "Do you know what people say about the great state of Florida?" "It's too humid." "Yeah, yeah, th-they actually do say that." "What does this Angeleno know about the great state of Florida?" "Florida is a state of winners!" "Can you tell me what NFL team is the only team to be undefeated in history?" " The Dolphins!" " The Dolphins!" "That's right." "The Dolphins from '72." "And where did the king, LeBron James, go to get his championship ring?" "Cleveland!" " Miami!" " Miami!" "That's right, Miami." "And which state has the most beautiful beaches, the hottest women, the most golf courses?" "And the only state to have no state income tax?" " Alaska!" " Huh?" " Nevada." " Huh?" " South Dakota's one." " Yeah." "It's true, but, Arni," "I'm trying to do a hero thing here." "You asked a question!" "I know, but give me a break!" "When aliens come to visit, which state do they choose?" "Florida." "[ murmuring ]" "She's just kidding." "There are no aliens in Florida." "[ laughter ] Okay." "I don't know anything about aliens, but I do know when the United States of America sends a rocket into space, they don't send it from Oregon or South Dakota or Nevada." "They send it from..." " Florida!" " Florida!" "I won this fight in Los Angeles, and fate has brought me here to Florida, and together, there's no way we're gonna lose." " Amen. [ Laughs ]" " Amen." "Yeah." "Tonight we win!" "ALL:" "We win!" "We win!" "We win!" "We win!" "[ cheering ]" " Yeah." " That's right." " That's right." " Yeah!" "Can somebody help me down?" "I got you, buddy!" "I got you." "Thank you, Arni." "Swing your leg down." "I have to swing my legs down." "Okay, then I go..." "All right." "1, 2, 3." "Go!" "[ thump ] Yo, Arni!" "Oh, my God!" "Colt, if the missiles can't get close enough without detonating, how are you gonna get close enough in the plane?" "I got this, sweetie." "You just stay here in the hangar." "I'll be back." "You better be back." "Promise." "Love you." "Get some coolant right here." "[ overlapping chatter ]" "Let's go ahead and mark it off." "Hey, we're all clear over here." "[ roaring ] ...3, Philadelphia." "300,000 for Allentown." " Hey, turn that up." " Okay." "Continuing our live coverage now of this catastrophic event." "Miami has been evacuated, and the military continues to pound this enormous beast in what is now being called "Arachnid Freedom."" "COLTON:" "Hal, how do we get close enough to that thing without being seen?" "If we take her high enough, the plane will freeze." "[ radio ] Mr. West, stand by for Colonel Jester." "COL." "JESTER:" "Colton!" "How's it going, Colonel?" "I think you damn well know how it's going, Mr. West." "Ah, don't you worry." "We got a plan that'll save us all." "Well, we got our own plan." "Oh, no, no, no." "You cannot nuke Miami, sir." "That's insane." "Well, who said anything about that?" "I've made that movie, and it always ends with nukes." "You just can't do it." "You gotta trust me on this one." "Sir, we picked up a C-130 entering the restricted no-fly zone." "Colton, is that you riding through a restricted air zone?" "Hmm?" "You're gonna get yourself killed." "I'm trying to tell you we've got a plan, but you gotta listen to me." "I've got 90,000 gallons of fire retardant that says I know what I'm doing." "I love all your films, Colton, but we're out of time for any Hollywood half-baked rewrites." "Look, I took one of these things out without the military and without you, and I'll be damned if I can't take another, but I'm gonna need your he... [ roaring ]" "Holy... [ static buzzing ]" "The repeated military attacks on this enormous creature are failing to have their intended effect, but we understand new reports are filtering in, and you are hearing this correctly, that Colton West is piloting a civilian aircraft into the hot zone." "[ roaring ]" "Pull up!" "[ growling ]" "KYLE:" "Incoming!" "COLTON:" "Brace yourself." "Tail!" "Marty, you guys all right back there?" "We're hit!" "I repeat, we're hit, captain!" "[ alarms blaring ] How bad's the damage?" "We're in a plane full of smoke!" "How bad do you think it is?" "It's bad!" "It's very, very bad!" "Come on, Colton." "No more screwing around here." "Just hold on." "I do not have time to hold on, and neither do you." "[ ice crackling ] We gotta get higher." "Right now, I'm just hoping it stays together." "If she sees us, it won't matter." " Colton..." " Colonel, just trust me." "Get your fighters in position, and wait for my mark." "Colton!" "I don't think I could take her any higher!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "[ engines sputtering ]" "Aw, no!" "No, no!" "Aw, man, we're in a stall!" "[ groans ]" "Ahh!" "Come on!" "Ahh!" "Gaah!" "He's so bad at this!" "Hey, what are you doing up there?" "!" "Not good!" "This is not good!" "Come on!" "Colton, your plane is in a dead stall." "I'm sorry, but it's time for my plan now." "No!" "No nukes, Colonel!" "Don't count us out yet!" "Marty, get the payload ready." "Houston, we got a damn problem." "What?" "Ah, he's right!" "The drop mechanism is malfunctioning." "The bay doors won't open." " That's not good." " Not good?" "Our odds of getting out of this alive are..." "Never tell me the odds!" "You get this plane out of a stall, and, Hal, get the bay doors open." "They're headed right for her, sir." "That son of a bitch is going kamikaze on us." "[ roaring ]" "I've got the controls back!" "[ laughs ]" "I'm coming home, Elizabeth!" "COLTON:" "Hal, open the bay doors!" "I can't." "The mechanism is still fried, man." "You gotta cut the hydraulic cables." "What do you mean?" "You can't drop the payload?" "We have no power at all!" "The only way this is gonna work is manual." "We gotta do it manual, or we all die, savvy?" "But wait." "We gotta be closer." "If we drop this now, it's just gonna disperse into nothing over Florida." "Then I'm going down with it." "[ roaring ]" "Kyle, cut the cable!" "Okay." "COLTON:" "Hal, patch me into the hanger." "All right, man." "Raya!" "That red light in the sky, that's for you, honey." "You tell your mom and Wyatt that I love 'em." "Dad!" "I love you!" "I love you!" "Ahoy." "Hey, Colton, are you sure about this?" "!" "Just like old times, Marty!" "Damn!" "Let's go!" "Go get 'em, baby!" "Yee-hah!" "[ laughs ] Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Let's go!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "[ laughing, whooping ]" "Yahoo!" "Whah ha ha ha ha!" "Colonel, we're getting intel that Colton West is doing a HALO drop into the hot zone." "He what?" "[ sighs ]" "Yippee-ki-yay, Gargantulantula!" "[ laughs ] [ roaring ]" "Ha ha ha ha..." "Oh." "Indiana Jones got nothing over this guy." "Spiders." "I hate spiders." "[ laughs ] [ roaring ]" "HAL:" "She's down." "What the hell's going on up there?" "Colonel, hit her with all you got." "Who's this?" "Now!" "Fire." "[ roaring ]" "Direct hit, sir." " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "Target is destroyed." "I repeat, target is destroyed!" "[ cheering ]" "Yeah!" "Son of a bitch." "He did it again." "Right on!" "All right!" "...talking about, fellas." "Good job." "What about West, sir?" "He couldn't possibly have made it." "Ahh." " Real good job." " Hey." "[ laughs ] Look." "Good job, man." "[ footsteps ]" "[ laughs ] [ laughs ]" "Remember me?" "[ both laughing ]" "Ah, come here." "Where's my buddy?" "[ laughs ] God!" "Yeah." "Ho ho!" "Let me see here." "Colonel." "[ laughs ]" "Colton West." "Told you." "We had a plan." "Glad you made it." "Yeah, well, thankfully I did, but the gargantulantula, she wasn't as lucky." "Ah, she's terminated, all right." "It's a job well done, boy." "Sorry I ever doubted you." "You know what?" "I'm gonna take my whole battalion to see your next movie twice." "Well, thank you, General." " It's Colonel." " Whatever." "[ laughing ] [ radio clatters ] [ laughing ]" "Ah, my little girl." "I love you, Dad." "I love you, too." "Wait a minute." "You called me Dad." "That's the sweetest thing you could say to me." " Deal with it." " Gladly." "And you cannot tell your mom about any of this." "Dad, it's all over the news." "Oh." "I guess she's used to it." "[ laughs ] Come here." "Just remember, guys, it doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a lavalandslide." "Winning is winning!" "Yes!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "[ whooping ] [ rock-'n'-roll playing ]"