"2x08" " Present Tense" "♪ Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom!" "♪" "♪ Raised in a noodle shop ♪" "♪ never seeking glory or fame ♪" "♪ he climbed the mountain top ♪" "♪ and earned the Dragon Warrior name. ♪" "♪ Hu!" "Ah!" "Ya!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom ♪" "♪ and master the skills of bodacious and awesome ♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda. ♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doom-doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ He lives, he trains ♪" "♪ and he fights with the Furious Five ♪" "♪ protect the Valley somethin' somethin' ♪" "♪ somethin' somethin' alive ♪" "♪ Oh!" "Ah!" "Uh!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda ♪" "♪ Legends of awesomeness. ♪" "Sweet!" "[asian-style guitar solo]" "[laughter]" "Gotcha." "Okay, everybody." "We're gonna have many, many, many people here for the winter festival feast." "Lots of out-of-towners this year, like Xiao Niao, Li Tang, and Difan Liu." " Yay!" " Welcome." "Now since we're inviting the Kung Fu masters here," "There are going to be a lot of mouths to feed." "So I want to thank the Furious Five for volunteering to help." " I didn't volunteer." " You weren't there when" "Shifu passed around the sign-up sheet, so I wrote your name in." "You're welcome." "Well, we got a lot of work to do." "So let's all get to it." " Great." "Now, Po, if you could..." " I'm on it, Dad." "Po?" "[startled yell]" " Your father needs you." " Uh, just a minute." " Almost done." " With what?" "Hang on." "[grunts]" "This!" "Every year I make my Dad a winter festival present." " [flatly] A boomerang?" " No, it's a spoon." " That's a spoon?" " It's a..." "I couldn't find a straight piece of wood, and..." "You guys all make such a big deal out of this holiday, and you're giving your Dad that?" "Um, yeah." "But, I mean, it took me a long time to..." " Carve it." " Hey Po!" "I need more sesame seeds!" "Uh, I'm on it, Dad!" "Sesame seeds, sesame seeds." "If I was a sesame, where would I... oh, my gosh!" "Dad got me the nunchuks I've been wanting forever!" "Solid silver!" "Perfectly balanced!" "[kung fu shouts]" "Oh, man." "Tigress is right." "How's Dad gonna feel when I give him this?" "[gasps, cries]" "You're no son of mine." "Oh, man." "Dad deserves more than my lousy homemade spoon." "I got to get him something better." "Tigress and Xiao Niao," "I need you to wrap up some little presents" " I got for everyone." " Yay!" "I love helping." "Don't you love wrapping presents?" "It's so creative." "[bubbly giggle]" "We are not going to get along." "Hey, viper!" "I need..." "whoa!" "Sweet necklace." "I know, right?" "Don't you love it?" "It looks like an old apple core." "[laughs] You're funny!" "[giggles] I get it." "Oh, thank you, son." " Now if you could..." " I'm on it, Dad." "[softly] Need your help." "[laughs]" "Whoo!" "Viper, you have to help me get my Dad a present as awesome as the one he got me." "All I did was carve him a lousy spoon." "Po, what's important about a gift is that it comes from your heart." "A handmade spoon is a lovely..." "oh." "Wow." "Yeah, let's hit the marketplace." "[overlapping chatter]" "Po, what does your Dad love more than anything else?" " Besides you." " Well, that'd have to be cooking." "So why don't we look for something cooking-related?" "See, this is why I needed you." "You are the master!" " Some chopsticks?" " Uh, too cheap." " A bamboo steamer?" " He's got, like, 300 of 'em." "A rice baller?" "[scoffs] [gasps]" "It's... it's beautiful." "It's the most beautiful wok-shaped thing I've ever seen." "It's perfect!" "Perfect, perfect, perfect!" "Dad will love this!" " How much is it?" " For you, 500 yuan." "[stutters] 5-5-5-500 yuan!" "Do I look like someone who has 500 yuan?" "No, sir, you do not." "Can I interest you in some pre-owned chopsticks?" " Where am I gonna get..." " 500 yuan!" "500 yuan reward for the capture of this escaped convict." " Constable Hu, can I see that?" " Certainly, Dragon Warrior." "I'd go after the scoundrel myself but I seem to have developed... [grunts] a bit of a paper cut." "[gasps] It's Shengqi." "He's a Kung Fu master from Muchang township." "They say he could have been one of the greatest ever." "Shengqi is definitely not someone you want to mess with, Po." "Maybe not." "But my Dad deserves an awesome winter festival present." " I'll do it." " Excellent, sir." "Best of luck to you." " Po, are you sure about this?" " That wok ain't gonna buy itself." "Next up, Muchang township." "Okay." "This is either Muchang township or the South Sea." "Excuse me." "Is this Muchang?" "Why yes it is." "You here for the winter festival feast?" " Well, I..." " Hey, everybody!" "We got company!" "[overlapping chatter]" "It's so nice to have a fresh face around here." "Oh, hi." "How are you?" "Welcome to our village." "It's so nice to have you with us." "[overlapping chatter]" "We hardly ever get strangers in town for the winter festival." "[laughs] Great to meet you all." "Actually, I'm just looking for Shengqi." "But did I hear something about dumplings?" "[silence]" "Hey, uh... [chuckles] where'd the happy faces go?" "Now you're all, like, frowny and your eyebrows are all smooshed down and stuff." "Hey, leave Shengqi alone!" " Shengqi's a good guy!" " He didn't do anything!" "[deep voice] There's only two ways this can go down... either we smash you to a pulp, or... uh... well, now that I think about it there's only just the one way." " Leave Shengqi alone!" " Shengqi's a good guy!" "Shengqi didn't do anything!" "[chuckles]" "I'm sure you guys are only trying to protect a friend, so I have to warn you, I'm the Dragon Warrior!" "Sure." "And I'm the Emperor." "[overlapping kung fu shouts] Ow!" "[grunts] [screams] [screams] [screams]" " Hiyah!" "[grunts] [overlapping shouts] [screams]" "Waa!" "[grunts]" "Wait." "What?" " Want to see it again?" " Hiyah!" "I can keep doing this all day." "[grunts] [clang]" "Believe me now, emperor not previously believing?" "Okay, maybe you're the Dragon Warrior a little bit." "But you won't get any information out of us." "And I am not pointing out Shengqi's hut over there." "Thanks." "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid." "[clang]" "Hah!" "[whines] [crash]" "Knock, knock." "Huh." "Ha-ha!" "Prints of the foot-ish variety." "[humming]" "There!" "Mine's a bird." "What's yours?" "Geometrically perfect." "So do you have all your presents ready?" "I love to make things for people." " Do you make presents or buy them?" " I don't give presents." "Well, it's not all about presents." "There's also gifts." "Not to mention making the Tang Yuan dumplings and eating the Tang Yuan dumplings and maybe making some more Tang Yuan dumplings." "I don't like the winter festival, okay?" "It's a waste of time." "And I love the singing." "Hey, I know what you need to get in the holiday spirit." " Please don't say a sing-along." " A sing-along!" "♪ Though winter snows may fall and chill us to the bone ♪" "♪ a warmth with spread from toes to head from family and home ♪" "♪ la la la la... ♪ [tense music]" "Shengqi!" "Stop, Shengqi!" "You're going back to prison." "Whoa-oh!" "[shouts]" "Come on." "Don't you want to go back to Chor Ghom?" "[grunting]" "I hear they're putting in a swimming pool!" "Yah!" "What do you care if I go back to jail?" "I care about justice." "And honor!" "And I need the reward money to get my Dad a better winter festival present." "[growls]" "Seriously, will you look at this thing?" "I can't give this to my Dad!" " You can hardly even tell it's a spoon." " That's a spoon?" "[grunting]" "Wah!" "Hah!" "Hah!" "Wah!" "[groans]" "Please, don't turn me in!" "My daughter." "I must keep my promise!" "Uh, let me explain." "You see, I was the bodyguard of duke Pingjun." "All was well until last year's winter festival." "Duke Pingjun was holding a feast for his wealthy friends." "An enormous mooncake was served." "But one of the serving girls slipped., and the cake was ruined." "Furious, the duke went to slap the girl." "That girl was my daughter." "[squish] [laughter] Embarrassed before his guests, he accused me of assault and had me locked away in Chor Ghom prison." "For life." "And that was the last time I saw my daughter." "I promised I'd get back to her for the winter festival." "That's a sad story." "Almost as sad as my present for my Dad." "[chuckles] Take it from a father, Po." "It's not how nice the present is that matters." "As long as it comes from the heart." " Plus, that spoon really isn't that bad." " Yeah, I guess." "Wait." "This spoon is so that bad!" "You're just lying to me so I'll let you go." "No, I..." "You probably don't even have a daughter, lying mcfibberson!" "[grunts] [screams]" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "[grunts]" " How about I throw you a rope?" " That'd be great." "Not so great." "I'm sorry you don't believe me, Po." "You seem like a good guy, but I have a promise to keep." "What?" "To go, like..." "hit a guy?" "Oh, man." "Now I'm gonna have to give my Dad this stupid spoon-erang." "Wait a second." "Spoon-erang?" "[grunts]" "Now work your magic!" "[spoon plops] [grunts]" "Aah!" "[rumbling] [screams] ow-ho-ho-ho." "Inconvenient rock placement." "[groans]" "Stupid spoon." "Shengqi, I'm coming for you." "[groans]" "♪ When the chill wind blows then everybody knows there's a... ♪" "Will you give it a rest already?" "That's why I can't stand this holiday!" "All this happy family stuff!" " You shouldn't have gotten her started." " Same speech every year." "The presents and the singing and the Tang Yuan." "I can't stand Tang Yuan dumplings." "They're gluey and you never know what they're filled with." "And I never had a family feast, and I never got presents, because I don't have a family like you do." "[crack, strings resonate]" "I don't have a family." "I'm all alone." "The only present I'm getting this year is one of these party favors." "All I have are..." "my memories." "I'm gonna go make the Tang Yuan." "You really think you don't have a family?" "What's up?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Dragon Warrior here." "[sighs] Thank goodness you're here, Dragon Warrior." "He's tearing us apart." " Who?" " Shengqi." "[screams, grunts]" "You got to do something." "It's my turn next." "I can't do it." "You can have the reward." "I don't care." "Please!" "Just don't make me go up there." "[sobs] I can't." "Gah!" "All right, all right, all right!" "Great." "We're all behind you." "Except, you know, from down here." "Where it's safe." "[tense music]" "[ice crackling] [grunts]" "Ah!" "Oh!" "That would have hurt." "And so will this!" "Hiyah!" "[whines]" "Oh, god." "Aah!" "[kung fu shouts] [kung fu shouting]" "Sorry, Shengqi." "My Dad's present is more important than your pretend promise to your imaginary daughter." "[grunts] She's real." "Everything I've told you is the truth." "Yeah, ri..." "Wait a minute." "I've seen that necklace." "Shengqi, I..." "Whoa!" "[screaming]" "Hang on, I..." "[grunting] [groans]" "Will you just... [screams] [grunts]" "[groans]" " Now listen to me..." " Thanks, Dragon Warrior." "We'll take it from here." "[chains clink] [whines]" " But..." " And here's your reward." "500 yuan." "Oh, Po." "It's just what I always wanted." "You're the most generous, loving, most perfectest son a father could ask for." "Uh, Dragon Warrior." "You can take your reward and go now." "Huh?" "Oh, yeah." "[sighs]" "[sighs]" "Sorry, Dad." "Hey, guys!" "Happy winter festival!" "[all gasping] [joyful muttering]" "Come on, let's get..." " Hey!" " Ahh." " Ah..." " Both: [scream]" "They're gone!" "[chuckles] You know, I'm starting to think this spoon isn't so bad after all." "[cracks] [screaming] [grunt] [grunts] Stupid spoon." " Po, why did you do that?" " 'Cause you're coming with me." "A little winter festival surprise." "[overlapping chatter]" "Welcome to the winter festival." "Oh, where is he?" "It's not like Po to be late for the winter feast." "Or really any food-related event." "Oh!" "[laughs] [string resonates repeatedly]" " Um, hi." " Hi." "I thought about what you said." "You're right." "I do have a family." "[laughter]" "Look, I know that presents aren't the point of the holiday, but I thought it'd be nice if you got something more than a party favor." "[gasps] [laughs]" "I love it!" "If only my father was here to see it." "[overlapping chatter]" "Okay, your name is Shu Fen, and you're a traveling ladder salesman from Hubei, whose caravan was destroyed by a tornado outside..." " Po, what is all this for?" " Because I'm sneaking you in." " Why?" " To see your daughter." "[sighs] [gasps]" " Daddy!" " Shengqi, stop!" "By the authority of the Emperor's seal, I..." "Get out of the way, knucklehead!" "Shengqi was framed." "[gasps, whines with joy] [sighs]" " Daddy." " Mmm. [sighs] [giggles] [sobs] I haven't seen my daughter in years." "Ever since she ran off to Xinjiang with that amateur magician." "Oh." "Uh..." "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "It's okay." "If what you say is true, Po, I'll petition the imperial magistrate to overturn Shengqi's sentence." "Yay!" "[sobs] Now, let's go inside." "[sobs] I need some pudding." "Sure thing, buddy." "[pounding footfall]" "Oh, Po!" "Where have you been?" " It's a long..." " Come, come." "I have something for you." "With all the preparations today, I didn't have time to wrap your present." " Here you go, son." " Oh, my heavens!" "It is the nunchuks which I have been wanting forever!" "Heh." "Thanks, Dad." "Um... so how did the Tang Yuan turn out?" "Not too gluey?" "Eh... don't you have anything... for me?" "Um, I know it's a little lumpy." "But here." "I'm sorry it isn't something better!" "What could be better than this?" "But isn't it kind of a piece of junk?" "Of course not, Po." "It's from you." "[laughs] I keep all your presents right here in my collection." "I'll treasure these forever, son." " Just like I treasure you." " I treasure you too, Dad." "So... you really like my handmade spoons?" "These are spoons?" "[murmuring, nibbling]" "Everyone!" "I'd love to break in this beautiful new ruan Tigress gave me, with a good old-fashioned winter festival sing-along." " # When neither fire..." " Hey, it's a sing-along." "Sing!" "♪ still those we love and cherish most will chase the chill away ♪" "♪ When neither fire nor warm attire can hold the cold at bay ♪" "♪ still those we love and cherish most will chase the chill away ♪" "♪ will chase the chill away. ♪" "Happy Holidays to everyone!" "Your Addic7ed team. :)"