"Here's my position, sir." "Very well, sir." "Here's my position, sir." "Very well." "Gentlemen, our calculations are practically the same." "This position puts us in mid-ocean." "It's June" "In January" "Because I'm in love" "It always is spring in my heart" "With you in my arms" "The snow is just white blossoms" "That fall from above" "And here is the reason, my dear" "Your magical charms" "The night is cold" "The trees are bare" "But I can feel" "The scent of roses in the air" "It's June" "In January" "Because I'm in love" "But only because I'm in love" "With you" "We're here, sir." "Oh, swell!" "Let's see." "Right..." "Yeah, that looks like the middle, all right." "Yes, sir." "Right in the center of the Atlantic." "Fine." "What's happened?" "What's he fishing for?" "Got him." "Yeah." "Pardon me." "Okay, Captain, you can get under way." "Right, sir." "Bridge?" "It's Captain Dodge." "Get under way." "Higgins!" "Yes, sir?" "Oh." "When we get ashore, have this stuffed and mounted." "Yes, sir." "Sort of a fighting pose, sir?" "Yes." "Yes, that'll be all right." "Yes, sir." "Well, that's done." "Is this for men only?" "What's all this fuss about a fish?" "Oh, it's just something I promised to do." "Promised who?" "Myself." "You see, I..." "Oh, you'll think I'm nuts." "I think that anyway." "Go ahead." "Well, the point is," "I'm a fugitive from a chain broadcast." "What?" "No more Jones programs?" "Mmm-mmm." "That is, not until I've done all the crazy things that I always wanted to do when I was a kid and didn't have a thin dime." "I see." "Including fishing in the middle of the ocean?" "Mmm-hmm." "But I think that's swell." "What else have you done?" "Oh, I..." "You'll talk." "I won't." "Tell me." "All right, here's a list." ""Rescue damsel in distress."" "Hey, wait." "Is that why you took us aboard when the gang went broke at Monte Carlo?" "Right." "Well, I'm a damsel in distress!" "That's what you are, yes, ma'am." "What is it, Sparks?" "Beg pardon, sir." "Some radiograms for you, sir." "Pardon me." "Oh, yes." "Now, how do you like that?" "I'm fresh from fishing in the middle of the ocean and he wants me to think about money." "Now, you radio that Max Morris and tell him if he sends me one more offer," "I'm going to get myself another agent." "Yes, sir." "Oh, Sparks." "Yes, sir?" "Here's a couple of answers for you." "No." "Yes!" "Sorry, but that's all Mr. Jones told me." "Turn her around, Captain." "We're going back to Monte Carlo." "Yes, sir." "What has happened?" "We're going back." "Listen. "Have located second Jones pistol in Monte Carlo." ""Come at once." "Jimmy Smith."" "Second Jones pistol?" "Mmm-hmm." "Meet the first one." "I read about these pistols when I was a kid." "And I picked this one up in Russia, last summer." "I've always wanted to present these pistols to the Naval Academy at Annapolis." "You know, that's where John Paul Jones is buried." "Where's the other pistol?" "Well, it's in Monte Carlo, according to Jimmy Smith." "Smith?" "He's that newshound on the Paris Chronicle." "That's right." "Well, back we go." "John Paul Jones." "So, you're one of his descendants?" "Oh, no, I'm just a coincidence." "That is all, but the "J."" "Isn't that for John?" "No." "No, it isn't." "For James?" "Let's go out on deck." "Jerome?" "Mmm-mmm." "Jeremiah?" "No." "Jupiter?" "Mmm-mmm." "Well, what is it?" "Fish might hear." "Not a fish in sight." "Well, it's Jasper." "Jasper Jones!" "Keep it shady." "All right." "But you better be nice to me or I'll tell all and ruin your career." "Oh, blackmail, eh?" "Well, gal, what's your idea of being nice?" "Singing." "Beautiful miracle" "Pardon my lyrical rhapsody" "But can't you see" "How you have captured me" "Being so glamorous Can't you be amorous" "Just for me" "Make it soon" "Take a look at that moon" "Love is just around the corner" "Any cozy little corner" "Love is just around the corner" "When I'm around you" "I'm a sentimental mourner" "And I couldn't be forlorner" "When you keep me on the corner" "Just waiting for you" "Venus de Milo" "Was noted for her charms" "Strictly between us" "You're cuter than Venus" "And what's more you've got arms" "Love is just around the corner" "Any cozy little corner" "Love is just around the corner" "And I'm around you" "Well, stranger." "Hi, Jimmy, hi." "How are all the Smiths?" "Low, Paul, low." "And the Joneses?" "High, Jimmy." "As I said before, high." "Any reason?" "Wonderful." "But coming up, she turned me down." "Who did?" "I don't know." "Now, wait a minute, wait a minute." "Let's begin all over again, will you?" "We were coming up together." "Yeah, for the third time." "For the first time." "Oh, then she wasn't really drowning?" "This was in the elevator." "Oh." "Oh." "Yeah." "But she wouldn't look at me." "And she kept right on not looking at me, with one of those looks, you know?" "Yeah, I know." "Distant, but devastating." "Exactly." "I know." "You know, Jimmy, you ought to write." "Thanks." "I'll suggest that to the Chronicle." "Be a smart move." "But in the meantime, get set for a sock." "You know her." "She's married?" "No, no, this is serious." "You can't have the second Jones pistol." "Oh, no." "Why not?" "Because the little lady won't sell it to anyone who rates less than a king, a queen, or maybe an inside straight." "What lady?" "Her high and mightiness, the Princess Alexandra." "And who's she?" "The Ritsky Russky who owns the pistol." "She's right here in this hotel." "Hmm." "Well, wait a minute, I'll talk to her." "Hello." "Get me..." "What's her name?" "Alexandra." "Get me the Princess Alexandra." "Right." "Now, what did you tell her?" "The works." "I told her you sang for Snap-a-lastic Garters." "She never heard of you." "She never heard of Snap-a-lastic Garters." "I even told her I'd get her on the front page with you." "With pictures." "Well, maybe that wasn't so bright." "Oh, hello." "Hello, is this..." "Oh." "The Prince Nicholas?" "Her cousin." "Hello." "This is Mr. Paul Jones." "No, just Mr. Jones." "Yeah." "No." "But after she saw Mr. Smith, Mr. Jones, the doctor prescribed absolute quiet." "Well, can't I even make her an offer?" "I'm willing to pay a very good price." "No." "I fear Her Highness cannot sell it to you at any price." "You're not in the market for a good car, are you?" "No, I'm not." "He's not." "You're right, Jimmy." "They're a couple of snobs." "I think I'll stay over and tell her so." "That's right." "Stand outside her door and yodel, "Snob."" "Maybe if I do stay over, I'll see her." "I've got to see her." "I've got to find out if she remembers that they brought us up together." "Brought you up?" "Yeah." "You and the Princess?" "Mmm-hmm." "No, no, the girl in the elevator." "Oh, I see." "My mistake." "Wrong floor." "It's June" "In January" "Because I'm in love" "Oh, I'm in love" "It always is spring in my heart" "With you in my arms" "The snow is just white blossoms" "That fall from above" "And here is the reason, my dear" "Your magical charms" "The night is cold" "Oh, the night is cold" "The trees are bare" "Oh, the trees are bare" "But I can feel" "Well, he made it." "The scent of roses in the air" "It's June" "In January" "Because I'm in love" "But only because I'm in love" "With you" "In love with you" "Oh, it's June" "In January" "Because I'm in love" "It always is spring in my heart" "With you in my arms" "The snow is just white blossoms" "That fall from above" "And here is the reason, my dear" "Your magical charms" "The night is cold" "Brrrr!" "The trees are bare" "But I can feel" "The scent of roses in the air" "It's June" "In January" "Because I'm in love" "But only because I'm in love" "With you" "Come in." "Your dinner, sir." "I didn't order any dinner." "Is this your room?" "Yes." "Well, is this you?" "Mmm-hmm." "Then it must be your dinner." "Whoa." "Whoa, now." "What number do you want?" "Well, what number you got?" "Well, I got a little 359." "You can't have it." "Is that so?" "Tried to trip me, huh?" "Try that again." "Waiter." "What are you doing there?" "Why don't you bring in the dinner?" "Well, are you stupid or impertinent?" "Stupid, madame." "And impertinent." "Hurry, please." "Idiot!" "Come in, come in." "A fine mess." "A fine mess." "Oh, seven and eight are 15, not 22." "Right?" "Right, sir." "Thank you." "Beautiful, Your Highness." "What's beautiful?" "Your singing, Highness." "I wish I had a bomb." "A bomb?" "Yes." "So something would happen." "Anything!" "Yes, yes, of course." "It must be very dull for you here." "Dull?" "It's prison." "It's worse than prison." "In prison at least I might be whipped." "Something!" "Yes, yes." "Of course." "Why don't you go somewhere?" "Go somewhere?" "Go where?" "Why, anywhere?" "There's nowhere I want to go." "There's no one I want to see." "Nowhere to go and I can't stay here." "I can't just sit here and play this, can I?" "Well, at last something has really happened." "What a victory." "Come, darling." "Shall we eat?" "What a mess." "What a mess." "Who, me?" "No." "The world." "The world." "All right." "Well, come on." "Stupid." "Stupid." "Pobisohka, quiet." "Did you notice, we have a new waiter?" "It's about time." "The other one was impossible." "A mess." "A mess." "He certainly was." "Waiter." "Yes, sir?" "What is that wine?" "Why, this is Rousseau 1911." "Really, a very middle class wine, sir." "Might I suggest Octave 1909?" "Drunk in all the best places." "Who is?" "The wine, cookooscka, the wine." "Oh!" "Well, send me a sample." "Say, a couple of cases." "Very good, sir." "We might try some together." "Nicki!" "Oh, sorry, dear." "She thinks I'm too chummy with the servants." "But I don't think I am, do you?" "Nicki!" "Where is your tie?" "He's undressed." "Ask him what is the meaning of this?" "What is the meaning of this?" "Why, I..." "Revolting!" "Disgusting!" "Unspeakable!" "Here, try mine." "Nicki!" "Tell him to find a tie and return here at once." "Find a tie and return here." "At once." "At once." "At once!" "At once!" "Well, are we going to sit here and wait for a necktie?" "Vova!" "Call them up!" "Do something!" "Uh, yes, yes." "Pardon, Your Highness." "But I hope Your Highness will permit me to finish serving you." "Evidently, you are not aware that you must address Her Highness only through me." "May I address a remark to Her Highness?" "May he address a remark to Your Highness?" "He may." "You may." "Well, permit me to say that I forgot my tie only because of my great excitement" "when I discovered I was to have the honor of waiting upon Her Imperial Highness." "He forgot his tie only because of his great excitement when he discovered that he was to have the honor of waiting upon Your Imperial Highness." "You may tell the young man that we quite understand." "Her Highness quite understands." "That's hot." "Yes, I know, Your Highness." "I heated it." "Yeah." "By the way, that American called up this afternoon about the pistol." "I suppose he talked through his nose?" "I don't know." "I couldn't see through the telephone." "It's nothing to joke about." "These rich nobodies come over here and think they can buy up our most personal treasures." "I understand this one made his money in some fantastic activity called crooning." "On the other hand, take this waiter." "What a charming apology he made for appearing without a tie." "You can see for yourselves that he has instinctively a thousand times the breeding of this Jones person." "Are your ears red!" "Nicki!" "Sorry, darling." "Well, even at the risk of paying myself a compliment," "I shouldn't dream of contradicting Her Highness." "You see?" "Uh-huh!" "Soup." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Your Highness!" "Your Highness, I must apologize for the waiter." "Waiter?" "Yes." "But we've never been better served." "In fact, I'd like this waiter assigned to us regularly." "Yes, Your Highness." "Pepper!" "Pepper!" "Ah!" "Let me explain to you in a clear, cold, calm, reasonable way." "I shall tell them that you, that you have disappeared." "Oh, that the police is after you." "Oh, no, you won't." "I'm going to keep right on being their waiter." "She's a princess, you know." "Yes, I know, and it's too bad, 'cause there's really a swell girl underneath all that Highness stuff." "I'm going to stick around." "Monsieur Jones." "It will cost me my job." "Oh." "All right, I'll buy the hotel." "Buy the..." "Yes, I'll take it over tomorrow." "Any objections?" "Sold!" "Waiter!" "Fish!" "You see?" "You're keeping me from my work." "Now, what was that amount again, last week's unpaid bills?" "Thank you." "400,030 francs, sir." "And this week's?" "Come in." "Five hundred and sixty-two thousand." "Oh, fine." "Bigger and better." "Ah, good morning, Mr. Jones." "Oh, good morning." "I've just been auditing the books of your, I mean, my hotel." "Oh." "I seem to be my only paying guest." "I'm very sorry, monsieur, but..." "You're sorry?" "Oh, yeah." "Don't people ever pay their bills?" "Oh, well, the lower classes, sometimes." "The middle classes, always." "But the upper classes, monsieur, never!" "Well, there are going to be some slight changes." "From now on, the richer, the quicker." "Make me out an upper class list." "Including the Russians?" "Yes, certainly." "Ah, monsieur, but we must be careful." "You cannot offend royalty." "No, you probably can't." "But..." "Let's make an effort anyhow." "Send them a bill immediately." "As you wish, monsieur." "Everything is ready, sir." "Right." "Ah, yes, maybe I'd better see if I can do that, huh?" "Let's see now." "It goes thus and so." "And ta-voom." "How's that?" "Very good, monsieur." "Thanks awfully." "Boy, oh, boy, is this good." "What a story!" "I can see it now." ""Warbling Waiter Outwits Royalty."" "Quiet, they'll hear you." "What's this, Rough On Rats?" "Get out of there." "Ah. "Poisons Princess Purloins Pistol."" "Now, go away." "Go on." "Okay, okay." "But when do we go to press?" "As soon as I can get that pistol." "That's a date." "Now, stay in character, but give her the works," "Eighty-three hundred ninety-two, sixty-four hundred..." "How can it be less when it should be more?" "Oh, good morning, Paul." "Good morning, Your Highness." "Yes." "Excuse me just a moment, will you?" "Yes." "Something's wrong with my figures, as usual." "Well, this is a plus sign." "Yes, yes, I realize that, yes." "This is a minus sign." "I know that." "I know that." "But you've subtracted the plus and you've added the minus." "Oh, you mean, I should add the plus and subtract the minus?" "Well, they've been doing it that way for years, Your Highness." "Have they really?" "Oh, yes." "Paul, you're uncanny." "Thank you, sir." "Not at all." "By the way, you're not in the market for a good car, I suppose?" "Hmm, no, I'm afraid not, sir." "Oh, too bad." "We could use some cash." "Really, sir?" "Yeah." "Well, surely the Princess..." "Oh, she's just as broke as I am." "We're down to our last creditor." "Oh, you won't tell the management?" "Oh, no, sir." "I see." "Please go on." "In the past, Your Highness has been more than generous to your exiled countrymen." "Your donation last year was... 15,000 francs." "As you know, the need this year is even greater." "Yes." "I know." "Put me down for 25,000." "Your Highness, how can I ever thank you." "And now, if you will excuse me?" "Please, Your Highness." "Are you crazy?" "Probably." "There's always been a goofy streak in our family." "Nicki!" "Well, there has." "Wasn't it Uncle Philip who lived for 20 years under the impression that he was a chocolate soufflé?" "That's not true." "Oh!" "It was vanilla." "But, really, Alexandra, where are you going to get this donation?" "A few things are still left." "I will sell them." "And when they are gone, what will we do?" "What did Soumatoff do?" "What did Soumatoff do?" "He shot himself." "Well, be that as it may," "I see certain marked disadvantages." "Ah, food!" "About this donation of Alexandra's." "I suppose I could contribute a little out of the small amount I earn." "What?" "What?" "You mean to say you're working?" "Oh, I'm not exactly working." "You see, it's like this." "I buy a car on credit and sell it a little cheaper." "For cash." "It's really quite profitable." "How did you ever get such a wonderful idea?" "Oh, I don't know." "It just came to me." "Why, Nicki, you're uncanny." "Oh, thanks." "Nicki." "Yes, dear?" "You can't do this." "Well, why not?" "Business, Nicki?" "Have you forgotten who you are?" "No, but I'd like to." "Nicki!" "Pardon, Your Highness." "Yes, Suzette?" "The manager is here." "Tell him we'll see him." "Yes, Your Highness." "Very good melon." "Yeah." "Good morning, Your Highness." "Good morning." "Your Highness, a most distressing situation has arisen." "I should never dream of bringing up the subject myself, but our hardhearted proprietor..." "Your bill." "I see." "I've tried my very best to keep the amount as low as possible, but Your Highness must remember that aside from your apartment," "His Highness, Prince Vladimir, lives almost exclusively on caviar." "Wrong way." "And His Highness, Prince Nicholas, drinks nothing but vintage champagne." "Yes, by the way, where is it?" "Oh." "Hello." "Hello." "What?" "Our ex-manager, he became disgustingly drunk two days ago and we had to discharge him." "Since then, I understand he's been trying to collect money in the name of the hotel." "Now, if you see him, I hope you'll..." "Yes, yes." "Thank you." "Believe me, Your Highness, I've tried my very best." "You drunken imposter!" "Monsieur." "You imposter!" "Oh, monsieur!" "Please!" "Please!" "Oh, please." "Oh, I meant to tell you." "Please don't annoy the Princess with any bills." "Huh?" "But you told me to..." "I know, I know!" "But I've found out she hasn't got a dime." "And she's selling everything she has to help her starving countrymen." "But what a madness." "Oh, but what a woman." "Waiter!" "Eggs!" "Pardon me." "Junior's eggs." "I think we have the frame right this time, Your Highness." "I hope so, I hope so." "Yes, yes." "Excellent, really." "Thank you." "Pardon, Your Highness." "But I was told to collect something on account." "Yes." "How much?" "100 francs, Your Highness." "Huh." "Just a moment." "Oh, Nicki." "Can you let me have 100 francs on account?" "On account of what?" "On account I haven't got it." "I'm afraid I can't, old fellow." "I'm sorry." "You can see for yourself I'm down to my last..." "Well, where did all this money come from?" "Thanks, old fellow." "Huh?" "Merci, Your Highness." "Not at all." "Look!" "I'm looking." "Vova!" "Nicki." "Vova, who do you think was in my bedroom?" "I can't imagine." "Paul, the waiter." "He was stuffing money into my purse." "But why?" "You'd better ask him." "Oh, no, don't do that." "Why not?" "Well, he might stop." "Do you know?" "Why is he doing it?" "Because he's in love with Alexandra." "Oh." "What?" "The waiter in love with Alexandra?" "Ridiculous." "What's this?" "Now, my dear, it's nothing." "Really." "Is this the truth?" "Now, don't let it disturb you." "A waiter loves me." "No." "All men love you." "Don't be upset." "A waiter!" "How charming!" "Huh?" "But, I didn't know a waiter knew what love was." "I didn't know a waiter ever thought about anything." "I thought a waiter was like a table." "I thought a waiter..." "But how does a waiter make love?" "Oh, I wouldn't know, dear." "What does he do?" "What does he say?" "Oh, well, I shall find out." "Oh, will I!" "Well, at last, there is really something to do." "Send for tea right away in my room." "I shall receive my lover in my room." "Suzette." "Tea." "How thrilling!" "I hope he behaves like a table." "I think of you with every breath I take" "And every breath becomes a sigh" "Not a sigh of despair" "But a sign that I care for you" "I hear your name with every breath I take" "On every breeze that wanders by" "And your name is a song" "I'll remember the long years through" "Even though I walk alone" "You guide me" "In the darkness you light my way" "And all the while inside me" "Love seems to say" "Come in." "Tea is ready, Your Highness." "Thank you." "Waiter!" "Yes, Your Highness." "Wasn't there someone singing outside as you came in?" "Oh, I'm sorry, Your Highness," "I didn't think you could hear me." "Oh, waiter!" "Yes, Your Highness." "What was it?" "I Think Of You With Every Breath I Take." "What?" "Oh, that's the name of the song." "Oh." "How old are you?" "Twenty-eight." "Twenty-eight." "Married, I suppose?" "Oh, no, no, no." "No?" "No." "Really?" "Well, is it about time you were?" "I mean, um..." "Well, what do I mean?" "Well, you mean, I guess..." "What do you mean?" "I mean, Your Highness." "I guess I don't know what I mean, except..." "Well, it's surprising." "What is?" "That you're a waiter and can sing like that." "Well, a man's got to earn a living, you know." "And you can't earn your living by singing?" "Well, I..." "Oh, that's ridiculous." "You have a lovely voice." "Oh, you're just saying that." "Well, at least, delightful." "Thank you, Your Highness." "And thank you for the pleasure of listening to it." "Thank you again, Your Highness." "And thank you." "I'll stop if you will." "Okay." "But don't stop singing, Paul, ever." "I really mean that." "I want to hear you sing again." "When, Your Highness?" "What time is it?" "It's nearly 7:00." "This evening, after dinner." "That is, unless you have some other orders?" "Well, if I have..." "You'd let them wait?" "I'd let them die." "You see, these American songs, they're really not a bit classical." "You have to sort of..." "Well, look." "I think of you with every breath I take" "And every breath becomes a sigh" "Not a sigh of despair" "But a sign that I care for you" "I hear your name with every breath I take" "On every breeze that wanders by" "And your name is a song" "I'll remember the long years through" "Even though I walk alone" "You guide me" "In the darkness, you light my way" "And all the while inside me" "Love seems to say" "Someday" "And when I sleep, you keep my heart awake" "You keep it awake" "But when I wake from dreams divine Dreams divine" "Then every breath that I take Breath that I take" "Is a prayer that I'll make you mine" "And when I sleep you keep my heart awake" "But when I wake from dreams divine" "Every breath that I take" "Is a prayer" "That I'll make you mine" "How dare you?" "What?" "You kissed me." "Well, you kissed me." "Kissed you?" "You, a waiter?" "Sure you did." "I never did!" "Don't tell me." "I'm gonna tell you something." "Listen, I loved you." "But I don't anymore, see?" "You're nothing but a swell-headed dame and I wouldn't take you for a gift." "Get out of here." "I'm getting." "Get out of this hotel." "Oh, well, that's different." "You don't think I can have you discharged?" "No, not you, or all the Russians." "Get me the manager." "Stop laughing." "Ah, another kiss?" "If you were in my country now," "I'd send you to Siberia, to the salt mines." "Princess." "On your knees." "Get on your knees." "Princess." "Apologize." "What I was going to say..." "Say it." "You're beautiful." "Beautiful." "Psst!" "Where are you going?" "To Siberia, for some salt." "Just a moment." "I happened to overhear." "Now, did you finally kiss her?" "Oh, yes." "But not enough to really cure her." "Oh, you mustn't be too hard on her, my dear fellow." "After all, it's really our fault." "We've brought her up in what used to be known as the grand manner." "Now, she's our first line of defense." "Defense?" "Mmm-hmm." "Against bill collectors, you know?" "Oh, yes." "Yes." "Oh, it really wasn't her fault, Mr. Jones." "Uh-huh?" "Oh, yes, I'm not supposed to know that, am I?" "How do you know it?" "Well, sit down, Mr. Jones, will you?" "Cigarette?" "Thanks." "Yes." "You see, when you started giving tips instead of taking them," "I investigated." "Oh, you mean you snooped?" "Precisely." "Yeah." "Of course, if Alexandra should find out..." "Well, she's not going to." "I'll win her as a waiter, or else." "Probably, else." "However, we may think of something." "We?" "You mean..." "You mean, you're going to help me?" "Oh, devotedly, my dear fellow." "I'm definitely on your side." "Oh, yes." "I don't suppose your finding out that I have some money had anything to do with that?" "Oh, yes, it had everything to do with it." "Well, you old chiseler." "I beg your pardon?" "Oh, that's American." "Meaning what?" "Meaning you." "Oh, you don't say." "Oh, how enchanting." "Here I've been a chiseler..." "Mmm-hmm." "...all these years and I never knew it." "Well, you know it now." "Yes." "But about the Princess?" "You know, I'm still in that Siberian dog house." "Yes." "Well, the important thing is to make her miss you." "Yes." "Then, when we get you back, you will apologize." "Oh, no, no, no, I won't do that." "Well, maybe it won't be necessary." "In any event, let's put our heads together, separately, and we'll talk it over later." "Okay." "Thanks." "Not at all." "You know, you're a good egg." "A good what?" "A good egg." "Well, I'd hate to be a bad one." "Ah." "Oh, by the way..." "Huh?" "What is that other thing I am?" "Chiseler?" "Chiseler." "Yes." "This new waiter is impossible." "Kept us waiting 20 minutes." "That never happened with Paul." "I've asked you not to mention him." "Why?" "I never even heard why you got rid of him." "Well, why did you?" "Because I did." "And you were going to have such an amusing time." "Mmm, it didn't turn out that way." "Nothing ever does." "He was impertinent, perhaps?" "That hardly describes it." "Yes." "My foot!" "No." "Oh!" "Really, if this keeps up, I'll take a little impertinence." "Make it two." "Can't all of you think of something besides waiters?" "If you don't mind, I would like the whole matter dropped." "I think he overheard you." "Something must be done." "Yes." "As a matter of fact, I've done it." "Done what?" "Talked to Paul." "He'd be delighted to apologize." "I'm sorry, but I refuse to see him." "Oh, but he'll do anything, absolutely anything." "The poor fellow's desperate." "His actual words to me were," ""I am devoted to Her Highness with a loyalty" ""and a passion that mock the power of words." ""All I ask is to serve Her Highness" ""with the last breath of my body," ""the last drop of my soup..." "Blood."" "Would he take care of the parrots?" "Why..." "And the dogs?" "He'd love to." "What's the matter with him?" "He had a close shave with the soup." "Paul!" "Holy jumping Jupiter and young wild west!" "Listen, how about a picture just like that?" "No picture." "But my story!" "And no story." "What, never?" "Never." "You print one word and I'll break your neck." "Oh!" "You're so heavy!" "Why, I only weigh about..." "A ton." "Three tons." "What are you all so sad about?" "Do you miss Paul so much?" "Terribly." "Cruelly." "Horribly." "Well, you might as well talk about him as think about him." "We don't want to upset you." "Upset me?" "It's like whispering in a hospital." "Either shout or..." "All right, I'll shout!" "Well, shout!" "All right." "We want Paul back!" "Will you please tell me what there is about him that you want so much?" "He's a good waiter." "He has a good face." "Mmm." "A good waiter and a good face!" "And charm." "Well, if he'll apologize and if he means so much, go ahead and send for him." "Good!" "Oh!" "Now we can get some decent hors d'oeuvres." "Well, Paul, it seems you're missed here." "Yes, Your Highness." "Not by Your Highness." "No, Your Highness." "At any rate, I've agreed that you may continue to be our waiter." "Thank you, Your Highness." "Or rather, their waiter." "Yes, Your Highness." "That is, if you apologize." "I'm very sorry I kissed you, Your Highness." "Imagine!" "Because before the kiss, you were interested in me." "Interested?" "Well, in my career." "Hmm." "A very strange apology." "It's a very strange relationship, Your Highness." "Well, anyway, for their sake you may continue." "And you may take care of our dogs and parrots as well." "And as for your career, you may sing when you're with them." "I'm sure they'll appreciate it very much." "In other words, I accept your apology." "You're quite welcome, Your Highness." "I'm a sentimental mourner" "And I couldn't be forlorner" "When you keep me on the corner" "Just waiting for you" "Venus de Milo" "Was noted for her charms" "But strictly between us" "You're cuter than Venus" "And what's more you've got arms" "Oh, let's go cuddle in a corner" "Any cozy little corner" "Love is just around the corner" "When I'm around you" "Love is just around the corner" "Ho, ho, ho!" "Any cozy little corner" "Love is just around the corner" "When I'm around you" "Oh, and I couldn't be forlorner" "When I'm around you" "Now I'm ten times as faithful" "As all your other men" "They all are true to no one but you" "But me, I'm true to ten" "Oh, let's go cuddle in a corner" "Any cozy little corner" "Love is just around the corner" "When I'm around you" "Kiss papa!" "Kiss papa!" "There we are." "I think of you with every breath I take" "And every breath becomes a sigh" "Not a sigh of despair" "But a sign that I care for you" "I hear your name with every breath I take" "On every breeze that wanders by" "And your name is a song" "I'll remember the long years through" "Even though I walk alone" "You guide me" "In the darkness, you light my way" "And all the while inside me" "Love seems to say" "Someday" "Someday" "And when I sleep, you keep my heart awake" "But when I wake from dreams divine" "Every breath that I take" "Is a prayer that I'll make you mine" "Suzette!" "But aren't you..." "I thought I was kissing somebody else." "What?" "You kissed me like that and didn't mean a word of it?" "Well, I..." "Who did you think you were kissing?" "Oh." "Oh." "Paul." "Yes, Your Highness." "Whom did you think you were kissing?" "I can't tell you." "Why not?" "Because I..." "'Cause I can't." "If you don't tell me, you'll be discharged." "Well, if I do tell you..." "Well, I might as well be going." "Alexandra!" "It's Nicki!" "They've gone to his room!" "Who have?" "The police!" "The police?" "What's happened?" "Has there been an accident?" "What is it?" "I don't know." "Only come." "Nicki!" "Hello, darling." "Look, they've arrested me for my little car selling experiment." "Isn't that silly?" "Come along." "Won't take a minute." "I'll see you at dinner." "Would you be interested in a motorcycle?" "We must pay back the money at once." "With what?" "Parrot's eggs?" "We shall have to sell the pistol." "Send for Cloche, the jeweler." "Your Highness." "That is not the original pistol." "It is an imitation." "What?" "But that's impossible!" "No, I have examined it most carefully." "What could have happened?" "I've heard of this imitation." "It was made in 1909 by Cartrouche for Prince Leopold." "But where is the original?" "I understand the Prince sold it to buy a necklace for a lady, a dancer." "I can't believe it." "Oh, I don't know." "Uncle Leo was awfully fond of dancing." "But what are we going to do?" "Nicki will go to jail." "That hasn't happened in our family since 1749." "Isn't the imitation worth anything at all?" "Oh, a few hundred francs, perhaps." "Let me see." "Yes." "Yes." "I'm afraid I could not possibly offer more than..." "But this is the real pistol!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive." "And how much?" "Oh, 50,000 francs?" "100,000." "75." "Sold." "Then if you will call in my office tomorrow..." "I'll go now." "Yes, do, and please hurry." "I'll run!" "Nicki!" "You're loose!" "Yes, I'm free, if that's what you mean." "Thanks to Paul." "To Paul?" "Yeah." "You see, he gave the police a lot of reasons for loosening me." "Ah!" "I'll still go with Monsieur Cloche." "Yes." "There'll be other things turning up." "Yes, very likely." "Paul." "Yes, Your Highness." "We owe you more than we can say." "It's nothing to what I owe to you." "Owe me?" "Yes, Your Highness, the privilege of being your servant." "You stole the real one." "Yes, Your Highness." "From that Mr. Jones?" "Yes, Your Highness." "Boy, it's a pip!" "Thanks, Paul." "Good night, Princess." "See you in the papers." "Jimmy!" "You see..." "How much did Mr. Jones pay you for this?" "I am Mr. Jones." "Oh, I see." "That makes the publicity story even better, doesn't it?" "But there won't be any story." "I told Jimmy I'd murder him if he printed one word and I will." "That's the truth." "You know it's the truth." "I don't know anything, except that Paul is gone and I miss him." "But he isn't gone." "Oh, yes, he is." "Paul really loved me." "He gave us his life's savings." "He even stole for me." "And so a princess found herself in love with a waiter." "But Mr. Jones, quite different." "He was only having fun, being amused by some rather childish people." "Beside my Paul, this Mr. Jones is a little man." "Now, wait..." "Goodbye, Mr. Jones." "The car is ready, Your Highness." "Oh, Vova!" "And very snappy, too." "Look at this machine Paul lent me to practice on." "You know, it's practically human." "You don't even have to think." "Give me a couple of numbers." "Three and four." "Right." "Three, four." "Now, you just pull down this crank and seven, right?" "Right." "Nicki!" "We're leaving immediately." "Go away now, darling." "We're busy." "Vova, what are you doing in that uniform?" "Mr. Jones gave it to me for my new job." "Job?" "Yes." "I'm the hotel's new doorman." "Vova!" "Why not?" "I've spent most of my life helping women in and out of cars." "Now, I'm going to be paid for it." "But have you no pride?" "Of course he has." "That's why he's going to work." "That's why I've taken a job, too, me and my little machine." "So, you've sold out for a toy and a soldier suit." "Uh-huh." "Ask me a couple of hard ones this time." "13 and 14." "Thirteen." "Where's Prescovia?" "She's down in the tea room, rehearsing." "Fourteen." "Rehearsing?" "Yes." "She's going to be the new hostess there." "Mr. Jones fixed that, too." "Twenty-seven." "You can't miss." "No." "For the last time, are you coming with me or not?" "No, dear." "Give me some real big ones this time, over 20." "Let's see." "Oh!" "I didn't show you my new whistle." "Listen." "Isn't that splendid?" "Gorgeous, old man." "Now, I'm going to ask myself some numbers." "Three this time." "Now, 57." "That's a tricky one." "And 48." "And, oh, look, 99." "Now, let's see." "Oh, good girl!" "You made it." "Hurray!" "Yay!" "Of course I won't cash it for you." "But my dear fellow..." "Let me tell you, my good man, that I am an expert on bad checks." "The worse they are, the better I am." "Do you realize that you're trying to commit a premeditated fraud?" "But I assure you..." "Read this." "Why, what is it?" "The criminal code." "Good morning." "Trying to put something over on me, eh?" "Have you seen Alexandra?" "No, not since yesterday." "Gone." "Gone, without a word." "Oh, I believe she did say something about leaving." "Yes?" "Yes?" "Well, I've forgotten what." "You don't suppose Vladimir would have an idea?" "I doubt it." "He never has had." "However." "I know something horrible has happened." "I spoke to the manager." "Yes, and he doesn't know anything about it." "Where is she?" "Who?" "Alexandra." "Has she gone?" "Yes." "Perhaps to kill herself." "Oh." "She may be dead already." "Hello, desk, this is Mr. Paul Jones." "Get me the best private detective bureau in the city." "I know she's dead." "Now, keep quiet!" "Yes, detectives, yes." "I know she's dead." "And buried." "Listen, tell them to get over here as soon as possible." "Well, from this report, it looks as though she's still in Monte Carlo." "But I can't believe that, monsieur." "We have looked everywhere." "Well, keep on looking." "Hello." "Yes, speaking." "We have a message for you, from Prince Nicholas." "Yes, what is it?" "Well, His Highness was a little difficult to understand, but he left the address of a café where he's waiting for you." "Well, I'll be right down." "Captain, you wait here." "The Prince may have something." "I'll call you back in 10 minutes." "Well, she's gone, Nicki." "All I've left is just a memory." "And five francs." "Five francs in three weeks." "At that rate it'll take her exactly 113 years to pay you back." "Well, I can wait." "Yeah." "In the interim, I'd better get back to the boat." "Paul, take me with you, will you?" "No, I can't do that." "Why not?" "I couldn't stand it, old boy." "You mean I'm repugnant to you?" "Oh, no, no, no." "I mean, you remind me of her." "Oh, you mean we look alike?" "Not the slightest resemblance." "That's right." "Right." "Well, let's find out what we owe here." "Yes." "You leave it to me." "Give me the numbers." "Five francs." "Five." "Right." "And here seven francs." "Seven." "Five francs." "Oh, you said that before." "Oh, yes, I did." "Five, what?" "They're all five francs." "Paul, what kept you?" "I was just saying goodbye to the best little pal a man ever had." "Oh, pardon me, this is Nicholas." "Prince of all the Russias." "Miss Claire Hastings, princess of all the five and ten cent stores." "Oh, how do you do?" "How do you do?" "And now I know I'm coming with you." "Oh, no, no." "No, alas, no, Nicki!" "Oh." "Boatman, take her away." "Goodbye, Nicki." "Goodbye, Paul." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "Goodbye, Nicki." "Goodbye." "A swell fellow, that Nicki." "Where did that thing come from?" "I bought it for you." "For me?" "Why?" "You wait and see." "Well, I won't wait 'cause I can't stand the sight of a parrot." "Paul is a bad man." "Isn't that marvelous?" "That's why I bought it." "But where?" "Oh, it's a little shop behind the cathedral." "Paul is a darling." "Sing it, darling." "And here is the reason, my dear, your millions of charms." "It's June" "In January" "Because I'm in love" "I'm in love" "But only because" "'Cause I'm in love I'm in love" "With you"