"Nanu-nanu." "( loud clank )" "Shazbot!" "♪ ♪" "Ow." "Ow." "Eer, ow, ooh." "Ah, hah, hah." "That's enough." "I'll tell you what you want to know." "I don't believe you." "Don't you get haircuts on Ork?" "No, we try to avoid them because of the noggachomps." ""Noggachomps"?" "What's that?" "It's a small green creature about this big." "We put them on our heads and let them graze." "They're vicious little animals." "Kind of ( snarling )." "That sounds dangerous." "Oh, only if you fall asleep in the chair." "Occasionally a maverick will get loose from the herd and run down your neck." "That's why we have to set traps in our shorts." "What a horrible system." "Mindy, you don't understand Orkan philosophy." "If something works, don't fix it." "Well, there, you look much better." "Ah." "You're all done." "Ooh, ah, I feels worse, though." "How much do I owe you?" "Where did you get the money?" "I baby-sat for Eugene." "Here, six big ones." "Well, you just keep the money." "The haircut is on me." "No, it's on me." "( phone ringing )" "Hello?" "Hello." "Brad." "( nasally ):" "Hi, there." "How are you?" "Well, it's so nice to hear from you again." "Nice to hear from you, too." "I thought you were in law school somewhere." "I'm out now..." "Ow!" "Well, congratulations." "No big deal." "Uh..." "Here, go water yourself." "Oh." "Well, sure, that would be fine." "I'd love to have dinner." "Sure." "All right, 7:30 it is." "Okay, great, I'll see you then." "Bye." "Mork, I have a date." "Don't tell me..." "June 2, 1852." "No, I mean this guy that I really used to like is back in town and we're going to have dinner tonight." "Oh, good, where are we going?" ""Where are we going?"" "Oh, boy." "Mork, you know I've been thinking." "You and I have..." "I think we've been seeing too much of each other lately." "Well, then all you have to do is close one eye." "No, I mean, I think you should get out and meet more people." "You know, see more things." "Oh, I get it." "Two's company, "we's" a crowd." "Oh, no." "No, not that, necessarily." "I mean, for your own development you really should get out and meet more people." "Like who?" "Are you ready to start the inventory, Cora?" "Certainly, Fredzo." "And don't call me Fredzo." "It sounds like a detergent." "Yes." "Now, let's see, there are one, two, three, four, five, six" "Meat Loaf albums." "Six Meat Loaf." "Mm-hmm." "One, two, three, four..." "Nine Bread albums." "Nine Bread." "This isn't an inventory." "It's a grocery list." "Hi, Grandma." "Oh." "Oh, hello, darling." "Daddy." "How's the nicest, sweetest, most wonderful father in the world?" "Suspicious." "Now you think I want something from you?" "Is that how little you think of your own daughter?" "Well, as a matter of fact," "I have something for you." "Two free tickets to tonight's basketball game." "You're taking Mork." "That's the nicest thing you've given me since the chicken pox." "Fredzo, it's only 11:00." "You're not usually a wiener before noon." "See, Dad, I need Mork out of the house tonight." "I have a date." "With a human?" "That's wonderful." "Yeah, well, it won't be wonderful if he comes to pick me up at my place and finds Mork there." "That's why you just have got to take him to that game." "But Mindy, I detest basketball." "Oh, but Dad, I haven't had a date since Mork moved in." "Every time the phone rings," "I almost hope it's heavy breathing." "I didn't hear that." "Basketball." "How can anybody sit through a game that has so much dribbling?" "Well, if I can't date other men" "I guess I'll just have to settle down with Mork and have cute little green babies that drink their formula with their finger." "Free throw!" "One-on-one!" "Jump shot!" "Dunk shot!" "I'll go!" "I'll go!" "MINDY:" "That was such a nice dinner, Brad." "Here's to the old times." "Here's to the new times." "All right." "Brad, can I ask you something kind of dumb?" "Sure." "How come you never asked me out when we were in high school?" "Because I was a jerk." "Yeah, you were." "I wish I'd kept in touch with you, Mindy." "You're a wonderful girl." "Yeah, I am." "Greetings!" "Mork!" "( humming ) What are you doing here?" "Dribbling." "Oh, is this the guy you used to like?" "Mork, this is Brad Jackson." "Brad, this is my friend Mork." "Hi." "I'm glad to meet you." "Nanu-nanu." "Certainly." "So is "Mork" your first or last name?" "Yes." "Did you enjoy having food with Mindy?" "Yes, I did." "So do I." "Everybody enjoys having food with Mindy." "So, did the basketball game end early?" "I guess so." "After about an hour, your father stopped it." "My father stopped it?" "Yeah, he said, "This has gone on long enough."" "Oh, Mork, what did you do?" "Oh, lots of things." "I had a great time." "Ever been to a basketball game?" "My favorite part was when I got to dance." "You danced?" "Oh, yeah, that part at the beginning, where they played the music, everyone stood up and" "♪ Oh, say can you see?" "♪" "He's a great kidder." "Then some man asked me to pass him his coffee, so I did." "He didn't catch it, though." "That's too bad." "But your father caught it with his pants." "Then it was his turn to dance." "Then we went to a place called the rest room." "I didn't get any rest there, though." "I had a terrible seat." "Couldn't even see the game." "We went back and some woman asked me to hold her seat, so I...." "Never mind." "I know, that's when they made us leave." "Uh, are you a friend of the family?" "No, I live here." "Live here?" "Oh, Brad, see, it's not what you think." "Mindy, he lives here with you, and you go out with other men?" "Oh, yeah, but you see, uh..." "Mork, Brad and I aren't quite finished yet." "Oh, I see, you're still hungry." "Mork..." "I'll whip up my special dessert." "No, Mork." "Oh, for you, le monde, mama." "( barks ) Stay." "Maybe I should leave." "No, Brad." "No, Brad, stay." "We'd like to get to know you better." "Mork." "( Mork whistling, humming )" "You see, Mork and I live together, but I still go out with whoever I want." "I mean..." "Mindy, I..." "I don't know what your idea of a relationship is, but I-I'm not a swinger." "Well, neither am I." "Oh, swinger." "Baseball." "( swishing sound )" "How about them Broncos?" "Brad, I'd really like to see you again." "Oh, we'll get together again." "Soon." "Hey, wait." "You missed the bologna sundae." "Your eyes are leaking." "Are they?" "That means something has hurt you, doesn't it?" "Yes." "Brad did something, that slimemunger." "I'll follow him to the ends of the universe." "I'll vaporize his entrails." "No, Mork." "It's not what Brad did." "It's that" "Brad misunderstood our relationship." "That's what made me sad." "Ever since you moved in, guys have stopped asking me out." "And then when somebody does finally like me, like Brad, well..." "He think that you and I are..." "Lovelings." "Yeah." "And then when I tell them we're not, they either don't understand or they don't believe the situation, so I end up not going anywhere, I never go out." "I guess I'm feeling kind of lonely." "It's all because I'm staying here, isn't it?" "No, it's not your fault." "It was my idea in the first place to have you move in." "I just have to work this out." "Night." "( door closes )" "Hm." "Leaking." "Come on, Mork, get up." "Breakfast." "What do you want, pancakes?" "Waffles?" "Gladiolas?" "Come on, you lazy Orkan." "MORK:" ""Mindy, I know you are sad" ""because people think you and I are lovelings." ""I don't want you to be sad anymore," ""so I'm going away." ""If people from Ork knew how to love," ""I'm sure I would love you." ""But I don't even understand what love is." "Love, Mork."" "You're doing that very well, Eugene." "Grandma Hudson, thank you for letting me work today." "I need the money so I can buy my mom a birthday present." "Oh, well, that's all right, Eugene." "What are you going to buy her?" "The best present in the whole world." "A catcher's mitt." "Wow, that's great." "And it'll go so well with those shin guards you gave her last year." "Oh, say, Eugene, uh, call me if any customer comes in." "Okay." "Guess who?" "Uh..." "Stevie Wonder?" "What's happening, Mork?" "!" "Hey, plasma, what it is?" "What you doing with the suitcase?" "You taking a vacation?" "That's what I came to talk to you about." "If you were taking a vacation, where would you go?" "I've always wanted to see France." "Kay-o; dosvedanya." "Or maybe the Swiss Alps." "Hey, make up my mind." "It depends on how much money you want to spend." "Uh, six smackers." "You can't go to the Alps with six dollars." "Then France it is." "Arrivederci." "♪ Or France, either. ♪" "Hey, bummer." "Are you running away?" "How can you tell?" "It's written all over your face." "Shazbot..." "I've broken out in words." "Psst." "Can you keep a secret?" "I don't want you to tell Mindy where I'm going." "You see, I've, I've been a lot of trouble to her." "Man, you aren't going far on six dollars." "You can't even get a place to sleep unless you stay in a flophouse." "Oh." "Sounds perfect for a flop like me." "Well, there are some places on Mission Street." "But they're awful seedy." ""Seedy." Oh, I love horticulture." "Hello, Eugene." "Good morning, Mr. McConnell." "What's this?" "Looks like a suitcase." "Yes." "Well, somebody must have left it here." "Maybe I better open it up and see if I can find the name of the owner." "( making soft ray-gun sounds )" "Good heavens!" "How did that happen?" "I don't know." "( blowing )" "I told you never to sit on my throne!" "I leave you two alone for five minutes, and the whole place goes to pot!" "You scoff?" "You don't believe?" "I tell you, the men from Venus are coming down to take us to their planet." "They arrive..." "Labor Day." "Then they're going to blow up the whole world!" "And you sit there eating a sandwich?" "Where's the passenger list?" "There's only room on the escape ship for... 1,000 people, and so far we've lined up... three." "Pressure." "I've been walking the streets all day, trying to find recruits." "My feet are killing me." "Gad, those make my thighs sweat." "Good-bye." "I saw your signs outside..." "the Friends of Venus?" "I thought I'd stop by to see if there's anyone here I know." "Do you know any of the Friends of Venus?" "I know some people from Venus." "I know one guy who's kind of cute if you're into short and fuzzy." "His name is ( violent sniff )." "Gesundheit." "No, no, that's his name." "See, he's got a wife and a litter, and their names are... ( raspberry, squeak and cheeks flapping )" "I'd hate to be the child stuck with a name like... ( cheeks flapping )" "A believer." "A true believer." "What's not to believe?" "You believe in people from outer space?" "Shazbot." "Nanu-nanu." "Precisely." "My name is Exidor." "I'd like you to join me." "Well, if you insist." "No." "I mean, join our group, be one of us." "Us?" "Oh..." "Well, right now, you see," "I'm looking for a fliphouse to flap in." "That's flophouse." "Oh, flip, flop... whatever." "You can stay here with us." "We'll all work together." "Oh, work." "I finally got a job and a place to flip out all at once." "Oh, Mindy will be proud of me." "Mindy." "Heavy sigh." "Oh, Daddy, Mork ran away." "You've just got to help me find him." "Oh. well, look, honey, I don't know why he left, but maybe it's the best thing." "No, it's not, Dad!" "Mork is like a child here." "He shouldn't be out in the world alone." "He has no concept of trouble or danger." "Oh, Dad, if anything happened to him," "( sobbing ):" "I don't know what I'd do." "I don't want him to go." "All right honey, okay, take it easy, take it easy." "Now, I'll help you find him." "But where would he go?" "Oh, I don't know." "I've been looking all morning." "Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, I just remembered something." "This morning when I came in, there was a shiny metal suitcase right in the middle of the store." "Mork has a shiny suitcase." "And then the albums fell, and, and..." "Eugene..." "I don't know nothing." "I think we've uncovered a clue." "Mork, this is my philosophy for the Friends of Venus." "I want you to study it and memorize it so that you can go out with me and convert the non-believer." "I'll study hard and let you know when I'm ready." "( high-pitched hiccup )" "I'm ready." "Very well, on your feet." "Uh..." "let's pretend that, uh, I am a non-believer, and you try and convert me." "Hey, you, non-believer." "Good start." "But we need more power in your voice, and more conviction." "Oh, I see." "Frey-und...!" "I have need of your attention." "Friend, do you realize that the Venusians are coming down to Earth?" "But they're not coming here on Veterans Day, not on April Fool-es Day, but on Labor Day, Labor Day, Labor Day." "Can you hear me, friend?" "I hear you!" "Are you ready now?" "Can I get a nanu-nanu?" "Nanu-nanu." "Thank you, friend." "Do you realize, friends, what they're coming here to do?" "Because they've come down here to blow the Earth to smithereens!" "But it's not that bad, friend." "Because they're sending a ship down here to save 1,000 of us, and they're making a list, and they're checking it twice." "Now, friend, now, you can either stay down here, in your disco, drug-infested inferno, or come up to Venus, and have your very own Venusian condominimum, with hot and cold running champagne and underwater dancing." "You must apply now!" "Mork!" "Mork... that was beautiful!" "Why can't you be more like him?" "!" "But... there's something's missing." "What we need is more of your experiences with the Venusians here on Earth." "I didn't meet them on Earth;" "I met them on Venus." "You've been there?" "Oh, yes, I've been to all the planets in your solar system." "Mars, Mercury, Pluto?" "!" "Oh, don't ever go to Pluto;" "it's a Mickey Mouse planet." "You see, Exidor, I have something to explain to you." "The Venusians aren't coming to blow up the Earth." "They're not?" "No, you see, their technology isn't prepared for space travel." "It isn't?" "No, their highest invention so far has been the garbage can." "It is?" "And the only reason they invented that was to have something to tip over." "Blasphemy!" "I had high hopes for you, Mork." "You're crazy." "Mork!" "Oh, what a relief." "Mindy, I didn't want you to find me here." "You know, I knew as soon as I saw that Friends of Venus sign," "I knew you'd be here." "I want you to come home with me now." "No, you don't." "You just say that 'cause you feel sorry for me." "Mork, I don't feel sorry for you." "I feel sorry for me." "I don't understand." "When I'm not there, you're free to do as you wish." "You have a home of your own." "No, what I have is an apartment." "It was only a home when there was somebody in it that I cared about." "Me?" "But I get in your way;" "you told me so." "Oh, I know, and I'm sorry." "I was blaming you because guys stopped asking me out." "And then when one did ask me out..." "I know." "I made a real crimluck of myself." "It was my fault." "Mork, I'm a woman, and, and a woman just sometimes needs to be held." "Mmm, that man Brad, you wanted him to hold you." "Well, not him, necessarily." "I really didn't get a chance to find out." "But yeah, every once in a while a little hug really does help get me through the day." "What's a hug?" "Oh, you know, like..." "Like... like this?" "Yeah." "Oh." "Soft." "I can understand how this keeps you going." "It's got me going, and I don't even know what it is." "Mork calling Orson." "Come in, Orson." "( humming )" "Mork calling Orson." "Orson... ♪ I am calling you-oo-oo... ♪" "ORSON:" "What a terrible connection." "Sounds like someone stepped on a frenkle's tail." "Just me reporting from Earth." "And what words of wisdom are you transmitting across the universe today?" "I learned how to make a human happy." "I learned... how to give a hug." "And a hug is?" "It's when you wrap your arms around a human's body and squeeze." "I thought that's what Earthlings call wrestling." "No, in wrestling, you squeeze a lot harder until they sweat and go "Arrgh!"" "They don't sweat and go ( grunting ) when you hug them?" "No, they just cuddle and go "Ah!"" "Oh, hugging." "Amazing what pleases the primitive tribes." "I'll never understand them." "But Orson?" "Yes?" "It was good for me, too." "Mork!" "Yes, Your Immenseness." "This is Mork, signing off from Boulder, Colorado, until next week." "Nanu-nanu."