"Somáli had ten kids... or at least three sons he had." "He was the smallest gypsy king." "Or maybe he wasn't the smallest, he was quite ordinary, only he had the smallest kingdom of all." "He had connections at the right places, generous wife and also apprehensions for his restless royal inheritance..." "He was only sorry for one thing, that he has to lie to everyone." "Since his father died Somali was the gypsy king." "But what kind of king was he?" "His mother delivered him before he could even reach sixth month, that's how bad he was." "Nothing gypsy could grow inside of him till then." "He couldn't steel, couldn't dance." "Such a shame Gypsy." "But once he was a king." "He had to take care of everyone." "So secretly he started with all these horrible things." "He started ..." "WORKING." "Sad, sad king Somali was." " You little bastards!" " You're a bastard yourself!" " Who's winning?" " The Budins, 'cause they bite." "Bullshit!" "We don't bite." "You bite." " Look!" " No biting." "Got that?" "Come catch for us." "You're a Danihel too." "Not today." "I've got work to do." "Cut the crap!" "Nobody works around here." "Some other time." "Danihel!" "Danihel, I have mail for you!" " I don't owe anything." " It is not any distraint!" "That'll be seven fifty for the postage." "Just a moment" "Keep the tip!" "Hello, stop!" "So, on Monday." "Jura, I'm going on a vacation with my family." "Don't be upset." "My sister broke her ankle yesterday." "It's all paid for." "But Vera, I've got a job lined up here." "Somali thought it up cleverly, one must hand it to him." "It was not exactly advantageous, but it was royally simple." "For earned money, he got all these little things and traded the remainder for pocket change." "And no one was the wiser." "For all of that he was the best thief and the luckiest player." "He shared with everyone and he still had a little bit left for himself." "Well, as a matter of fact, there was nothing left for him, but he who has got nothing has got nothing to lose." "He took care of his wife and his children, that's a fact, but he couldn't manage to dance." "No one wished to be able to dance more than Somali." "But it was enough to hear just a couple of tones and his legs stiffened like... scaffolding pipes." "A king who can't dance." "Hello dad." "Hi, Jura." "I sent you money so you could turn on the lights, didn't I?" "It's just turned off." "I'm not burning the lights so that they don't think I pay the bill." "You don't have to be ashamed that you pay for electricity, do you?" "I'm not ashamed." "It's solidarity." "You have the switch?" "Dano took ours for his car." "Once he will move in here with you." "Why should I support the whole neighborhood?" " He is my cousin, after all." " That's what he says." " Again?" " You see, I was happy." "And being so happy, I completely forgot that I gave it up." "And the mess, that doesn't bother you?" "I'm doing a lot of thinking these days." "What, you don't have summer break?" "I'm going back to Prague after Sunday." "I'm getting a summer job." "You haven't been home for two months." "And what would I do here?" "Jura, I have to tell you something" "But it can wait till the morning." "Good night then." "Good night." "You see, uncle Dankovic from Bojuvky wrote me" " He can write?" " Dammit, Jura, don't talk like that." "He was my best friend and he's a big man." "He's a baron, and we've been through a lot together." "You walked all the way to Kiev together and you came to blows over my mother." "Alright, I'll tell you now, if that's what you want." "Iveta turned eighteen yesterday." "You've won something again?" " And that's who?" " Well, Iveta." "You see, Iveta and you are engaged..." "So good night." "So out with it." "When you were five and Ivetka was one, we betrothed you." "That's how things were always done in Bojuvka between the children of best friends." "Aha." "And now I have to marry her, right?" "Good night then." "But Ivetka has turned eighteen" "No one knew what Somali was up to at nights." "The shame was driving him on." "He was dancing all night with it." "Excuse me." "Hi." "So, what has the Miss decided?" "OK, I'll at least come this evening" "Then we won't see each other again" "It is not overblowned..." "Is it wrong, that I want to be with you?" "Stano's coming." " When?" " Tomorrow." "OK I will leave tonight." "He likes you." "He wants to see you." "About as much as I want to see him." "I told Veronika that you've got me married." "She's supposedly going to put that into her thesis." "So you see." "Maybe she would be interested about this as well." "What is this?" "You see, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately." "About us, us Gypsies, and one day, as I'm thinking, there was this film on TV." "A chatty one." "And they were saying that every nation every real nation, has this this great epic." "For instance, the Germans have..." "The Ring of the Nee-ba-lungen, the English their King Arthur, the FinnsKala" "I didn't manage to write that one down." "And the Russians have their Byliny, or whatever." "You get it?" "Nations that have achieved something have these great legends where someone triumphs over terrible things and the others then, like, follow him or live from this experience all of them." " You're interested in epics, dad?" " No." "I'm writing one... this epic." "You, who have never read a single book in your life, are going to write an epic?" "So what?" "I've heard all the Gypsy stories and legends told." "Don't you want to have a look at it?" "Dad, there's one thing you have to do start working, otherwise you're going to lose your mind." "So they weren't telling the truth on the TV?" "These things were written a thousand years ago." "Nobody writes epics these days." "They don't interest anyone." "Just here, in the first sentence, you've got three mistakes" "You want to teach me Romany, right" "OK, I'll read it." "I don't need someone telling me I'm an idiot." "Do you want me to read it?" "Are you going with me and Stano tomorrow to Bojuvky?" "I've got a job and Verunka in Prague." "I'm not as crazy as you think." "You don't have to marry her if you don't like her." "Let's just go there, we'll sleep outside, cook meat over a fire, stars overhead just like in the old days." " Your girl is going away anyway, no?" " What do you mean by that?" "She's not going?" "And you know, with all those Gypsies around, we'll make a fortune!" "After all, Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings they're books too, no?" "We'll buy a caravan and go where we want." "One can lie a long time, a very long time." "But not ages." "Everything comes to an end and that of Somali's was the fastest ever." "It was a royal end." "Period - the end." "The whole kingdom gathered around." "Everyone wanted to know how Somali holds his own." "Nobody wanted to believe that their king worked." "Nobody." "And then it happened..." "Somali wasn't watching over his royal treasure." "The little bird guarding the gypsy fire, the one his great-grandfather, grandfather and father watched over." "The only treasure the Gypsies in Somali's kingdom had flew away." "It was gone." "And this was bad." "No one had a kind look for Somali anymore." "What kind of king is this, when he doesn't watch over that which his fathers left him." "Evening." "Your dad's dry as a desert, but he's afraid of you like you're his old lady." "Shut up." "It's my liver." "That's why I'm not drinking." " How long do you want to be gone?" " A couple of days." "A week at the most." "What are you going to do with Somali now?" "Well, now he's got to find his little bird, to guard fire again." "And what did you like it?" "I'm only coming because of you." "It's the end of the fucking world when even Gypsies lock their doors at night." "Shit, what do you have in there, a bit of pussy, or what?" "Danihel, goddamn it!" "You're not just going to let me stand in the corridor like a dog!" "Shut up, you scum!" "It's the middle of the night!" "What kind of an ass-hole are you?" "Can't you see I'm visiting?" " Let it be." " What, me?" "Ghetto bitch!" "I was already thinking that we wouldn't see each other until one of us kicks it." " Things are bad for us" " Fuck it, Roman!" "Juro." " Wait." " You haven't told him?" " I have." " I'm parked in front of the building." "He's only been home since yesterday." " Let him sleep." " You want to make a Gypsy out of him and you don't want him to see the sunrise?" "Don't shout He's educated, he sees everything differently." "Differently, my ass." "He's going to be an engineer." "I promised Juramy liver." "Then at least to our friendship, if you won't drink out of good sense." "I would die here." "Don't you want to stretch out for a while?" "I get up at four every day and go fishing." "We'll sit around until nine, when his fucking lordship wakes up." "You can lie down on my bed." "I wouldn't get to sleep." "When it's light, I have to get up." "That's how we all were, before the communists fucked you all up." " Fucking chairs..." " Hi, Stano." " Hi." " Is that for us?" "I don't eat scrambled eggs Wait..." "You think I was sleeping?" "I couldn't fucking sleep" "We'll pick up my cousin and his boys." "They're playing in Frenstat at a baptism." "It's on the way." "I've still got to stop by the welfare office." "It's the fifth." "You're goddamn lucky, young man." "Ivetka is the prettiest girl in Bojuvka." "You've seen her?" " Yeah, at her confirmation." " She was eleven then" "You'll be able to tell right away." "By the ears." "If a girl's got pointy earlobes, she's got a great pussy." "Then you don't care how old she is" "Stano, let's make a deal." "You spare me your outlook on life and I'll ignore you." "Our boy has grown fucking clever." "You think that just because you know a couple extra numbers, that you know more than your father?" "If I wasn't doing this for Roman, I wouldn't give a shit about you!" " As you like." " Wait, Jura" "We're going on a trip." "All of us." "A trip to Bojuvka." "What's the big deal?" "Everyone goes on trips." "Right, we're going on a fucking trip." "What the hell." "Man, what's the smoke from that exhaust?" "That is the carbonized air it fumigates the air." " It's disinfection." " You kidding that's gas." " You little bastards!" "Get down!" " You're a bastard yourself." "Get lost!" "See that?" " What's that?" " They're things for Dad and me." "I don't need anything." "Fuck, is it freezing or what?" "It's not freezing!" "You're wearing your stuff on your body, aren't you?" "I have never seen a Gypsy traveling with a wardrobe." "You wear your things on you, I carry mine in my backpack" "DELIVERY" "What are you bitching about?" "I'm making a delivery." "What delivery?" "Fuck off!" "You're cutting the line!" "I'm bringing you the law, you scum." " So you can read it." " What law?" "Straight from the House, they're still hot." "Don't touch it!" "What are you waiting for?" "I'm not going to lug this shit alone!" "Excuse me..." "Thank you." "Excuse me..." "Delivery." "What kind of law is this?" "It says here that it's about mildew" "What do I know?" "There were piles of this stuff lying around in a train station." "It burns great." "It was just lying around there like that, huh?" "I was just cleaning it up." "Got that?" "Cleaning it up." "Excuse me." "Delivery..." "Thank you." " Play czardas for me." " We don't play at the office." "May it burn up in your pocket." "That's enough." "Do you understand what "enter one at a time" means?" "It means that the other stays outside." "I didn't catch your name." "I don't think you're one of my cases." "Stano." "Stano Zajeci." "I make all the ladies shriek." " What have you got the boxes for?" " For money, of course." "Roman Danihel welfare." "Come on, we're in a hurry." "You can't catch a bird on the ground, even a little kid knows that." "What could Somali do?" "He had to go after him to the clouds." "Excuse me, you didn't happen to see here" "I saw it." "But it's not here anymore." "How do you know what I want to ask you?" "When you ask me something I don't know, then I'll leave this job to you, Somáli." "So where is it?" "Something's rattling." "The fuck it's rattling." "It's the rebored pistons on the intake." " I see." " So what's up?" "Nothing, just that something's rattling in there." "Goddamn it, Roman." "I've been driving cars for thirty years." "I know what sound rebored pistons sound like on the intake, ok?" " What's that?" " I don't know." "Can we drive without it?" "Why would they put such a piece of metal there if we could drive without it?" "Think!" "We haven't gone very far." "Three kilometers?" "It'll be back to normal in no time." "And he's setting up this fucking thing." "You get that?" "You'll never make a Gypsy out of him, Roman." "Go easy on him." "He's going to be an engineer." "We've been watching stars like this for thousands of years." "You know, I haven't slept by a fire for at least thirty years." "I would die in this town of yours." " I'm really hungry." " You think I'm not?" " Jura!" " Don't you have any fucking pride?" "You'll sleep through it." "Stano lets hide!" "You'll sleep through it!" "There was a storm" "And Stano allowed you to crawl in with me?" "Jura... you and I have never gone on a trip together" "You're right about that." "I want you to be free." "I want you to have a bit of everything." "Who made you study?" "Mama did." "Well, there you have it." "Have you got anything to eat?" "No." "Really?" "Nothing traditional." "Shut the door, goddamn it!" "I'm running the heat!" "Jura will lend you his sweater." "You'll catch pneumonia like this." "There's nothing wrong with me." "Let's go." "Give me your blanket." "Shut the door!" "They even fucked up the grain." "Is it normal to have stalks the size of a black man's cock?" "They're cloning everything" "Jura, give me at least one cracker or I'll die." "Are you that afraid of him?" "What's to be afraid of?" " I think it's a good idea" " What?" " The stuff with that God." " With what God?" " The one on the crane." " But it wasn't..." "That didn't occur to me." "Three grand." " So much?" " I also pumped some into the gas cans." "We'll make ourselves a real breakfast." "Cut its throat." "You're crazy!" "Goddamn, he's afraid to cut a chicken's throat." "You think those fucking pink bags you buy at the supermarket grow somewhere on trees?" "Bullshit." "Cut its throat." "Come on, Jura." "Goddamn it, student, don't be a sissy." "He's lost, Roman." "Fucking lost." " You cut its throat." " I can't stand the sight of blood." "God, a Gypsy that can't stand the sight of blood." "You pricks would starve to death." "Don't be afraid." "It doesn't hurt" "This is as old as the Gypsies themselves." "All the women are clucking on about how they hate to pluck chickens." "This works by itself." "It's like an oven, get it?" "The mud congeals, creates a skin and it bakes beautifully inside." "And all the fucking feathers just bake inside the mud and then you crack it like a coconut." "He is not listening." "He is not interested!" "With Dankovic, we baked it in the ground on hot stones" "Bullshit, I know how to bake a chicken." "In the embers." "It'll be done in twenty minutes." "Maybe we should have buried it in the earth with hot stones" "Bullshit." "It's the wood." "It's full of this shit from the air and it burns too hot." "See?" "The fire's too hot." "Fires didn't use to be this hot" "Yep, the fire is too hot, that's good." "Stop it Jura, maybe we should have buried it with hot stones." "Maybe you could make a living with pottery." "Don't fuck with me, Jura." "Maybe it's because you're as much a Gypsy as I'm an Indian." "That's enough!" "Ask your dad who I am!" "Ask anyone" " I can already see!" " Come here!" " Come down, or I will kill you!" " Are you out of your minds?" " Educated motherfucker." " I'm going to the train." "Wait, Jura, we're on a trip." "Even Gadjos go on trips, don't they?" "Hey, Stano, fits Bebetka in your car?" " Why not?" " She is singing with us now." "Stand aside, you ass-holes." "You gotta be astute to tackle this one." "If that means anything to you." "Bring that table." "Get the table, you hear, you ass-holes!" "I'll show you how to jump over a puddle." "Stano, you're fifty-two." "You'll break your neck." "You jump over it yourself, instead of fucking bothering me." "Jesus Christ, Stano." "Juro." "Stano!" "Give me a hand!" "What are you laughing on, ass-holes?" "You try it yourselves!" "Cowards." "Try it!" "You!" "Shut up, Stano." "You're the ass-hole yourself." "Hey, man, watch it!" "That won't do!" "Where is the father?" "Come and sing!" "Somali plodded on for a long time before he got to where the damned good Lord sent him." "No one has as much luck up his sleeve as the Devil." "It's difficult to hoodwink the horned one." "And now we are fucked." "Good afternoon, sir." "Highway inspection." "Please step out of your car and have your documents ready." " What have I done?" " You didn't have your seat belt." "But this is homologated without seat belts." "You know that transporting passengers in the cargo space" " is against regulations, don't you?" " There are benches back there." "The whole army travels this way." "OK?" " This is my, isn't it?" " Can you make the child quiet?" "Make it quiet?" "It's not a radio." "It's a human being." "He doesn't like cops." "What did you say?" "That he's quiet only when we play." "Then play something!" "You have all the required emergency equipment with you, don't you?" " Yes, I do!" " Show me the first aid kit." " Happy?" " And scissors?" "Are they stainless steel?" "I don't know, I didn't piss on them." "Watch your language." " Everyone get out." " Why?" "You're coming with us to the station for registration and fingerprints." "What evidence?" "We didn't do anything." "Whose instruments are these?" "Ours." "Can you prove where you got them?" "Then everyone out." "Hey, boy, what are you doing?" " Taking a picture." " What did you say, boy?" "What is your registration number, boy?" "We want to file a complaint that you're parking in a crosswalk." "Or is that not your car?" "Jura, let it be." "They'll lock you up." "We'll also complain that you want to drag us to some pointless registration." "One moment." " You asshole!" " Hold it." "I would suggest you speak more respectfully." "This gentleman is a Gypsy council member from Usti nad Labem and a delegate to the EU Parliament." "Is that true?" "Of course it's true." "It's him, I saw him on the TV." "Well, I think that an on-the-spot fine will take care of it this time." " No registration seems necessary." " Do what you must, gentlemen." "But I didn't get your names." "Go away." "Are you sure?" "We can pay" "Just go." "If you think so." "Sadness was the only thing left to Somali." "But he couldn't give up." "He placed the dead little bird into a small cage and set off again on his way." "Neither hell nor heaven." "Death is shuffling cards to decide it." "He has the soul of the dead little bird." "Only he can return it to him." "But where to find death, he didn't know." "What are you looking for here?" "I am looking for Death." "Wrong place." "He should have lifted the hat on the right." "That's where the key was." "It wasn't under any of them." "I know this trick too." "Of course, it was." "That's the most beautiful fairy tale I've ever heard." " It's not a fairy tale." " Isn't it?" "I think that there is no gypsy fire." "Someone would have patented it already to make money from it." "I think there is." "It surely wouldn't be some kind of sparrow." "It would be more like a fart in the breeze." "What you're saying is such bullshit." "It has to be something." "Even the priest said so." "He knows shit." "What about oxyacetylene burner?" "Let's go." "You Danihel." "You're not going to believe this." " Come on." " Where?" "Goddamn it, stop asking questions all the time." " And Jura?" " He'd be scared shitless." " What is it?" " What else, start fucking climbing." "It's at least two meters high!" "What are you doing here?" "Goddamn it." "Shut up, or you'll wake the water bailiff." " Climb." " Dad, don't be crazy." "This is theft." "Fuck your theft, we're only going for two fish." "It's the same thing." "We can buy them tomorrow." "Buy!" "Do you hear this?" "He's a lost cause." "Only two fish, Jura." "Like in the old days." "What old days?" "It was always stealing." "Whatever" "You thief!" "Stop!" "Don't you hear me?" "Stop!" "Danihel." "What are you doing." "Lets run!" "Get up and run, we're fucked!" "You scum!" " Dad." " Give me your hand, quick" "That ass-hole's coming this way!" "Fucking thieves!" "Jura!" "My God, the fucker, he's shooting at us." "You fucker!" "Heads down!" "Jura, it's not only Somali's fire, it's completely our soul something big I just don't know what." " He got you!" " Don't shout." "I just got a scratch." "He has to get to a hospital!" "Goddamn it, Stano, do you hear me?" "You have to get dad to a hospital!" " Are you deaf?" " Fucking think, Jura!" "He's been shot." "They'd call the cops right away." "That would be bad for your dad." "He would go to jail." "The pellets have to be taken out." "Wake Bebetka up and clean the knife." "Bebetka wanted to go to nursing school, before that dick knocked her up." "Where did he get it?" "Now you're really going to have it just like in the old days." "That's good." "Don't worry." "He's strong." "I'm such an ass-hole" "We have to go!" "He has a fever." "I'll stay here with him." "A few pellets can't kill a Gypsy." "Your dad wanted you to see this." "What are you doing, that's my card!" "He's the fuck." "You fucking idiot!" "Can't you stop that truck?" "Man..." " You?" " I pay for it." "I'll sell the truck." " I won't want to owe anyone." " I know you..." "Maybe you don't even know, we're related." "Cousin." "What are you doing?" "God sees you." "Sit down here and sit!" "Dear parishioners," "I am so glad that we have gathered for such a joyous occasion to welcome this new person into the holy church of God," "and by this holy baptism, open the door for him to redemption." "We all know, however, that the journey to true paradise is long and hard," "lined with trials and temptation." "He has been born into difficult times." "Believe me, though, that there are no small nations, only small people, and that our Lord does not make a distinction between white and black, but between the good and the bad, whom he punishes." "With joy in my heart, I will commend to him another soul so that he may care for, love, and protect it." "Now, I need the mother's ID." "Are you Erzika Scuka?" "Father, the girl had to pawn her ID." "The kid has to eat." "Erzika is her sister, also Scuka." "After she pays off her debt, she'll bring it to you." " Promise the father." " I promise, reverend father." "Write only the mother's name." "Ivona Scuka, is that right?" "You must bring the ID by the end of the month, then the papers are sent to the municipal office." "You are a holy man." "The father's ID, please." "Have you also forgotten it, or pawned it?" "Father, you will surely understand, you are a holy man." "This is her brother." "Brother" "This is Miro Scuka, Ivonka's brother and my son." "He's the best friend of David Hampl." "Hampl is the kid's father, but Miro will take his place." " And why isn't Mr. Hampl here?" " He can't be the father." "Why?" "Father, you understand." "You're a holy man." "If the authorities find out that they have another child, she'd lose all benefits she receives as a single mother." "And the kid has to eat." "I will not write this, father." "This is adultery." "Of course that's adultery, Mr. Scuka!" "Your daughter can not have a child with your son, and before God on top of it." "I can understand a lot of things, but everything has its limits!" "Either the father submits his ID or I won't baptize the child." "You, Jura, give us your ID." "You're the only one here who isn't a relative." " That's impossible." " Why?" " Nobody knows who the father is." " At least your daughter should know." "You can't leave the little one unbaptized, in such fucked-up times." "Give him at least a little hope." "You heard yourself, Mr. Scuka." "The papers are sent to the registry." "I really can't." "I'm sorry." "And what if the Holy Spirit impregnated her?" "It wouldn't be the first time, right?" "Are you one of them?" "I am the father, father." " Are you Mr. Hampl?" " No, I'm not." "I'm Stano Zajeci." "Stano Zajeci, I make all the ladies shriek." "I lay down with her, when Hampl was working." "We did it many times, I'm ashamed of it." "Isn't it so, mummy?" "You slut!" "What would you like to name the child?" "What do you want to name him?" " After his father, of course." " OK, after the father." "Stano." "Stano, as in Stanislav?" "Stano." "As in Stano Zajeci." "You?" "Why did you invent me?" "Where am I going to find Death?" "Tell me" "I only wanted an epic." "Then I'll stay with you." "Death will find us both." "You'll see." "Me too?" "Dad?" "Swallow it." "What are you gawking at?" "What you did in the church that was pretty cool." "You should've done it." "Pass me the welder." "I just wanted to tell you that." "OK, now I know." "You Stano, shouldn't you be wearing goggles?" "What goggles?" "I fucking know how to weld, OK?" "Veru?" "Who was that?" "Shouldn't we go to Lipno?" "Sure, we can go there anytime." "Jura, it's me, pick up the phone." "Jura, it's me, pick up the phone." "I'm getting angry." "Jura, I'm ringing." "Pick up the phone." "I have a finger on the button." "Father, do you think that there is a gypsy soul?" "There is only one soul." "And it belongs to God." "And where would he put it on the crane?" "Maybe you shouldn't think so much." "Are you sad?" "Where's the little one?" "He's sleeping." "You're a good singer." "I'm looking for Death." "I want him back." "What good is it to me like this?" "And what have you got in trade for it?" "I don't have anything." "But legs, you've got those, don't you?" "After all, you're a Gypsy." " But I" " Take it or leave it." "Did you sleep with that young one?" "Stano!" "Jura!" "I'm fucking blind!" "I'm blind!" "It's from the booze." "I told you that you should wear goggles." "I've never needed any stupid goggles." "Those fuckers make them stronger these days." "The light" "How far is it to Bojuvka?" "Beats the hell out of me." "What's growing along the road?" "We're in a field." "I only know the way to Bojuvka along the road." "Give me the keys." "Bullshit." "Goddamn it, Jura!" "You've never driven this." "This thing's not a compact!" "It's got a double clutch!" "Jura!" "Fuck!" "This is not how I imagined it after twenty years." "Fuck it." "Nothing is the way it used to be, Roman." "Damn, that little Mihajli girl, do you think she would put out for me?" "An old lecher?" "I'd take them around to their gigs" "She sings nice." "Give me your hand, Stano." "To hell with that." "You know, that Jura of yours may not be totally fucked yet." "And why don't you have a map here?" "I know the way." "You can't be so fucking shitty." "It's on the other bank." "Fuck..." "Fucking winch." "My God, Iveta!" "Come back!" "Iveta!" "Dankovic." "Motherfucker, that's Dankovic!" "Dankovic!" "Who's that?" "What do you want here?" "You're still the same ass-hole, Dankovic!" "Stano!" "They're here, mama!" "Do you also have Jura with you?" "Jura?" "Of course he is." "Don't hold back, even Danihel is here." "Roman!" "We are in Bojuvka." "Roman!" "We have to jump." "Dad!" "Dad!" "Dad, where are you?" "Roman!" "Do I have something there?" "No, you only have pointy earlobes."