"Are you guys ready for lunch?" "Guys, it's 80 degrees outside." "First day of cold season, newbie." "It's when all the icy super villians start fighting and freezing stuff." "I wonder who's coming to Charm City this year." "Mr. Freeze, Captain Cold..." " Frostbite, Killer Frost..." " Mm." " Minister Blizzard..." " Snow Patrol." "Wait, that's a band, but they're coming to town." " Ooh." " I'm not scared of a few flurries, okay?" "I am from the Midwest." "I know what real cold is." "You were saying?" "Yep, that's real cold." "Cold season is impossible to dress for." "It's like a wedding on the beach." "Linen and no socks." "Not complicated." "You should get a pair of Teddy's gloves." "Oh." "These?" "Designed them myself." "They heat my hands to the perfect temperature." "They can also defrost your car door or reheat your coffee." " Heh?" " Hmm." "Ah." " That was a soda." " Yeah." "Anyways, I have some very exciting news." "Is it actually exciting or is it Emily exciting?" "What the hell is "Emily exciting"?" "Finding a conflict-free brand of hummus." "Having another shopper at Anthropologie ask if you work there." "Getting retweeted by Lena Dunham." "She didn't just retweet me." "She quoted my tweet and wrote "so much this."" "Anyways, you guys'll like this." "Wayne Industries is holding a contest that awards $100,000 to the employee who comes up with an invention that, "embodies the triumph of the human spirit."" "Whoa, that is the exact review I wrote for my barber." "I mean, this doesn't just happen, guys." " Oh, I know." " I'm sorry, you losers talking about entering the Wayne Innovation Contest?" "Excuse me." "Who are you?" "Zane and Anton, two Wayne X asshats." "Oh, they think they're so cool because they work in a super-elite division that makes cutting-edge technology that shapes our future." "That actually does sound pretty cool." " It is." " And they get free soda." " We do." " Why wouldn't we enter the Wayne Innovation Contest?" "Because no one gives a crap about Wayne Security RD." "You make widgets." "You're nobodies." "Yeah." "Ugh, our division matters." "We are not nobodies." "FYI, guys, corporate gave away your parking spots." "So starting next week, you're gonna have to park across the street under the bridge that leaks tar." "Oh." "This child-sized car arrived for you." "Were you expecting a full-size one or is it because your father didn't hug you?" "My Bugatti is because my father didn't hug me," " this is for an actual child." " But you hate those." "I know, but I'm going away with Chelsea this weekend and she's insisting on bringing her son." "Isn't no kids in the agreement that you make women sign" " before you date them?" " No, the agreement states that we can't make any kids, but it doesn't account for any pre-existing conditions." "It's broken into hundreds of pieces." " There's a ransom note." " Those are instructions." "It's in pieces because you have to put it together." "I can't do this." "You know, Jackie, I'm gonna need you to..." "Old girl's still got some moves." "I don't know about you guys, but hearing those Wayne X punks tells us we're nobodies got me really excited for this contest." "Oh, it had the opposite effect on me." "I am very demoralized." "Teddy, what about you?" "Oh, they weren't referring to me." "I think it was more like Steve, Susan, Wendy." " Wendy's right there." " Nah, it's cool." " I mean, I don't not suck." " See?" "What about your heat gloves?" "They're amazing." "Enter those and we could win this." "I mean, my heat gloves would kill it, fo' sho, but I got a lot on my plate, so..." "Oh, sure." "I get it." "You know, I built you up too much in my head." "I did the same thing with the "Hobbit" movies." "I am not the "Hobbit" movies." "That sounds like something a "Hobbit" movie would say." "I can't argue with that logic." "I'm in." "Yeah, suck it, Wayne X." "I am re-moralized!" "Ooh." "Probably need to make a few tweaks." "Yeah." "Benny!" "Uh, Charles!" " Uh-oh." " Oh, no." "He has the look." "The "I'm gonna blow up your day by making you do some annoying personal task" look." "Hey, guys." "I was wondering..." " Diarrhea." " Period." "Ah, there he is!" "Ron John Silvers." "Ron-athan Taylor Thomas." "Linda Ronstadt." "If you have to do that, I'd prefer Ronda Rousey." "I have a treat for you." "I need you to build this car." "But I was gonna go sledding for cold season." "You know I love winter." "The thrill of sledding, that is fleeting, but the joy of obeying a direct order from your superior, that lasts forever." "You the man, Ronda." "But, I mean..." "Okay, this is prototype number three, test number two." "My assistant Emily will attempt to melt the frost off this car door handle." "These cold mornings are the worst." "Unless..." "And now I can make it to my grandparents' 50th anniversary." "I could do without the backstory." "Sorry." "I'm taking an improv class." "Okay, so we've mastered low temperatures." "Now, let's heat things up." "Holy crap." "Teddy, these are a game-changer." "The judges are gonna see your gloves and say," "Wayne Security is just as relevant as Wayne X and the guys who made this is most definitely not a nobody." "Of course I'm not a nobody, but you know judges, they're unpredictable, and if they were dumb and they didn't pick mine," "I mean, I'm still obviously immensely talented and... oh, my God." "There's still kernels left in the bag." "So what?" "There's always kernels" " left in the bag." " Okay, the gloves aren't ready." "There's not an even distribution of heat and we haven't even checked to see if you get a rash." " They are ready." " They're not, and I can't submit a product that's not ready." "It's not fair to the gloves." "But two minutes ago, you just..." "There's kernels in the bag, Emily." "There's kernels in the bag!" "There's [bleep] kernels in the [bleep] bag!" "What's up, really hot loser?" "You guys get your submission in?" "Oh, we've got something." "It is just so ahead of its time we're gonna hold off submitting it till next year." "Admit it." "You're a nobody, you work with nobodies, and the best you could hope for is to marry one of us." "You know what, Zane?" "You're gonna regret saying that because you just convinced us to submit, and we're gonna win." "It's classic Zane and Emily will they, won't they." "Why do you look smugger than usual?" "Which is already so incredibly smug." "Well, because this division is going to win the Wayne Innovation Prize." "I submitted Teddy's gloves." " Please tell me you didn't." " Why not?" "Let me tell you a little story." "Five years ago, Teddy entered a competition to redesign the Wayne Industries logo." "Why are you using an ominous voice?" "You'll see." "He threw himself into the competition, and convinced himself that he was going to win, and then when he didn't, he lashed out at everyone..." "And started punishing himself." "Oh, come on." "He took to wearing cargo shorts, switched to an AOL email address, and used all of his vacation days" " to go to Tampa." " Tampa?" "That's not even the nicest part of Central Florida." "Anyways, it doesn't matter because we're going to win." "You better hope so, otherwise you're about to break Teddy." "Tampa." "Stop using that voice." " So, Teddy..." " Uh-huh?" "I thought your gloves were brilliant... and I entered them into the contest." "I told you they weren't ready and you went behind my back?" " Teddy, I..." " Don't "Teddy" me." "This is the ultimate betrayal." "This is worst than the time that Wendy bought the same glasses as me." " That was awful!" " Okay, hold on!" "How would you feel if I told you you're in the finals?" " I'm in the finals?" " You bet your sweet ass." "Oh, my God." "I mean, I didn't even know there were finals." "I mean, obviously they're dope gloves." "I just didn't know how dope." "Apparently the answer was the dopest." "Emily, thank you for making me realize" "I'm a winner." "Or a finalist." "Yes!" "There are no finals." "You just made that up." "I didn't know what to do." "I could see it in his eyes, he was already halfway to Tampa." "It'll all be fine, right?" "Mom, Dad, yeah." "I got huge news." "No, not a girlfriend, but you're still gonna be proud of me." "I have a feeling this is all gonna end with a call from the Busch Gardens Coroner's Office." "It's gonna be cold." " Ron!" " Van?" "I thought you were on vacation with your girlfriend" " and her son?" " We have a problem." "Evidently, Dylan, that's a girl's name, and she does not like that car you built." "You're just trying to have sex with my mom." "Yeah, we've established that." "Look, I have sent you a toy Wonder Woman jet." "I need you to put that together and have it couriered to me." "Isn't her jet invisible?" "Yes." "Assembly is gonna be a bitch." "Ron, you have to set boundaries, and not let people take advantage of you." "Do you think I would have stopped having sex in Susan's car if she hadn't started hiding her keys?" "You still have sex in Susan's car." "The point is he is not gonna stop taking advantage of you unless you push back, and if you don't push back now, one day, you're going to explode." "I appreciate your concern, but I'm a big boy and I know when I'm being taken advantage of." "Fine." " Hey, can I have your car keys?" " Oh, sure." "Huh." "Hey, loser." " You wanna go out with me?" " No." "Why would you think that?" "Uh, because I've been negging you hard." "All of Reddit said this would work." "What're you doing down here?" "We won the Wayne Innovation Prize," " so we're here to gloat." " That's right." "What?" "She's not that hot." " She is." " Yeah, she is." "Ron, where's Teddy?" "Uh, he called in sick." "Oh, no." "He must be devastated." "Wait, no, no, no, no." "No!" "I just finished putting it together." "Teddy." "Oh, thank God you're here." "For a second I thought you might have already caught a flight to Tampa." "I have been meaning to check out Busch Gardens." " What're you doing here?" " I know it must really hurt that you didn't win the Wayne Innovation Contest," " but I just want you to know..." " I didn't win?" "You didn't know?" "Teddy, who's this?" "Oh..." "You have guests." "Hello." "I'm Teddy's father, Sunil." "This is his mother, Nisha, and his brother Ajay." "Are you here for Ajay's going-away dinner?" " She's not." " Where's he going?" "Outer space." "I thought you said your brother was a doctor." "He's an astronaut and a doctor." "The technical term is space doctor." "What were you saying about Teddy and that contest?" " Did he win?" " Well, you know, winning is really just a social con..." "I lost, and I'm so glad that we're all here for this moment" " when I found out." " Teddy, do you mind keeping it down?" "I gotta take this." "This is my apartment, all right?" "Your dumb friends can wait." "Mr. President." "Yes, thank you." "Thank you, sir." "Hey." "Hey." "So I just wanna say" "I am really sorry." "Don't be." "It's totally fine." "It is?" "Emily, I'm a grown man." "All right?" "It's just a stupid contest." "I'll get 'em next year." "Oh." "Okay, cool." "Well, in that case, we could use your help on a redesign." "I would love to take a look at it." "That is a great attitude, Teddy." "You seem fine and I did nothing wrong." "So, as you can see, the packaging of this fear gas detector" " needs a little work." " Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm." "Yep, yep, yep, yep." "Okay." "I have a great idea." "What if instead of using molded plastic, we use..." "This hamburger wrapper." "Oh, like a very thin recyclable material?" "Nuh, nuh, nuh." "I mean this literal piece of ketchup-stained garbage because obviously" "Wayne Industries doesn't appreciate quality or craftsmanship or aesthetics whatsoever." "So a garbage company gets a garbage wrapper." "I didn't wanna say this in front of Teddy, but I don't think the wrapper's a good idea." "That's right, Mr. Sled, you and I have a date with the big ol' hill by City Hall." "You said it, Ron." "Nothing's gonna ruin our fun today." "I love you." "Don't do it, Ron." "The sled's right." "Nothing good can come from answering that call." "Oh, you two are just overreacting." "He's probably just calling to say thank you." "Ronda Sykes." "Hey, thank you so much for you hard work." "You're welcome, Van." "Ronda, I need you to build four more of those girl jets you can't see." "Evidently Dylan has a "squad" and they have "goals."" "One of which is posting pictures to Instagram with the hashtag #BitchYouCantAffordThis." "And then they do this snap emoji." "I'm really coming around on these kids." "Yeah, but I was just about to go sledding in this adorable outfit." "Well, you can wear the adorable outfit while you put together those planes." "No." "I'm getting bad reception." "It sounded like you said "no."" "I did say no because that's not my job." "Ron, neither is giving Dylan braids, but this morning, I did it." "You ruined it." "That is the perfect fishtail and you know it!" "Listen, Ron, just build the planes." "Snap, snap, snap emojis." "No, you listen." "How 'bout no because I don't wanna do it?" "In fact, I didn't wanna do any of the stupid crap you asked me to do." "Not for you, not for Dylan," " and certainly not for her squad!" " You listen to me..." "It is possible I'm bothered by people taking advantage of me." "No." "Establishment is dead!" "Establishment is dead!" "No one understands me!" "Establishment is dead!" "How long is he going to be like this?" "Well, last time, he requested no eye contact for eight months, but it was a good year and a half before he stopped listening to speed metal." "This is ridiculous." "Establishment is dead!" "Teddy, your gloves are great." "You should be really proud, but you need to accept the fact that they didn't win and move on." "No, my gloves were a masterpiece." "I should have won." "It was rigged." "Establishment is dead!" "No one understands me!" "Establishment is dead!" "Establishment is dead!" "Establishment is dead!" "No one understands me!" "Establishment is dead!" "I didn't wanna have to do this, but there's something you need to see." "Hello, Teddy." "This is the winner of the Wayne Innovation Prize." "This guy won?" "Okay, there's no way somebody this good-looking could invent something better than these." "No, he didn't invent something better than those, he is the invention." "Are you checking out our robot?" "It's not that cool." "Would you like me to be cooler?" "I hear The Strokes are playing a secret show tonight in Joaquin Phoenix's backyard." "Oh, yeah, those mittens are super dope too, bro." "Teddy... both:" "Oh." "See, this is why I didn't want to submit, but you went behind my back and you did it anyway." "I was doing it for you." "No, you did it for you." "You didn't like that you were in charge of a division of nobodies." "Well, maybe we wouldn't be a division of nobodies if we had less pouty babies and more people like your brother." "Went too far." "Already regret it." "Get out of here." "Frostbite is..." " Wow, really puts things in perspective." "I can't even remember what we were talking about." "Oh, you were saying that you wished you'd hired my brother" " instead of me." " Was that today?" " Yeah." " Oh." "Oh, crap, the handle's frozen." " Teddy...." " What?" "Your gloves." "We can use them to unfreeze the handle." "Yes!" "Or unfreeze Crimson Fox." " Yeah, here we go." " Okay." " Oh, my God, it's working." " Of course it's working." " I set it to Deep Fried Turkey." " Oh." "You know, you were right." "I entered the contest for me." "I'm sorry, Teddy." "I didn't bust my ass my whole life to hear those Wayne X dicks tell me I'm a nobody." "Try being reminded you're a nobody every single time you talk to your parents." "Oh, trust me." "I know how hard it is to live in a sibling's shadow." "Oh, yeah, what does your sister do?" "She's a dog walker." "I just know it's really hard for her sometimes." "You don't know what it's like." "You're my space-doctor brother, which makes me your dog-walking little sister." "And she's a great person who's capable of great things." " Just like you." " Right." "I'm gonna be here my whole life while my brother's performing open-heart surgery at zero gravity." "Well, we'll both be here, and for what it's worth," "I'm glad I'm here with you." "Oops." "Ooh, yeah." " That was brutal." " Sorry." "Must have been very cold." "No, I meant listening to that conversation." "The gloves are cool though." "Can I have those?" "Yeah, I mean, you... you gonna use 'em to, like, fight crime and stuff?" "No, I'm gonna use them to make popcorn." "Of course I'm gonna use them to fight crime, you dink." "Okay." "Van?" "I want to apologize for my outburst." "You embarrassed me in front of Dylan and her squad." "I'm sorry." "It's just that I learned that" "I can say no and still be a nice person because I also need to be nice to myself." "I'm sorry too." "I'm used to bossing servants around." "They're who raised me." "My father was always working." "He was too busy to spend time with me" " or teach me how to build things." " That's so sad." "Except the cartoonish level of opulence." "Yeah, that was pretty cool." "The one thing I wanted my entire childhood, it was a dream really, was to build a tree house with my father." "He promised, but year after year, that dream was crushed." "Well, Van, we're gonna build you that tree house." "Oh, no, I cannot let you do that." "No, no, no, you just pick the tree, and it's yours." "I'm gonna get started on the blueprints." "I'm gonna make your dreams come true." "Thank you, Ron!" "Whatever your last name is." "Dylan." "Hey, I found somebody to build your stupid tree house." "Now you make good on our deal, and you let me and your mom have a little bit of grown-up time." "Yes, I'm talking about sex." "With her modern take on a classic apple pie." "This just in: cold season is over." "Crimson Fox defeated several cold villains using what appears to be a pair of super-heated gloves." "Hey, it's Teddy's gloves." "Looks like I brought Teddy back." "I am a genius!" "Teddy-Ted!" "Teddy-Ted!" "Yeah." "He's gonna be real easy to work with now."