"Previously on "Being Erica":" "You've built an impressive business." "Might just be time to take the money and run." "50/50 is not for sale." "Sam!" "Okay, you're killing me, what is it?" "I'm pregnant." "You seem different." "Softer, I think." "Warmer." "I tried to find you in 2019 and I can't, Erica." "Nine years from now, something awful is gonna happen here in the city." "Okay, we're alone." "You don't have to act like last night didn't happen." "I mean do you wanna be with me or not?" "I've wanted you since the first day I met you." "Erica, I just wanna tell you I think that Adam's an idiot for letting you go." "Seriously." "Kai!" "Erica!" "What is it?" "Are you okay?" "Okay, Erica, as much as I love being on a test-drive with you," "I, uh, think we have to get back to work at some point today." "Mmm!" "What is it the two of you do anyway?" "Uh, we run a publishing company." "Shut up!" "Me?" "I'm an aspiring author." "Who isn't?" "Julianne..." "No, no." "I'm serious." "I sell cars by day, and by night, I write." "Oh." "Oh!" "Erica, I think you have a voicemail." " Really?" " Yeah, it's probably just Ray-Ray stalking us." "Do you want me to check it?" "I actually synched Erica's phone already." "So all you gotta do is press that button right there" " and say the magic words." "You have voicemail." "Call voicemail." "Hmm!" "Calling voicemail." "Hey, gorgeous." "Ah, just confirming tonight." "I'll see you at 9:00, and don't be late." "Who was that?" "Oh, you know, it was just..." "It was just someone." "Someone who?" "Um..." "It's a secret." "A secret?" "Since when do you keep secrets?" "Since now." "Okay, time for the coolest feature." "Let's park between those two cars." "What, right there?" "!" "That's..." "That's a little bit tight." "I kinda... kinda suck at parallel parking." "Trust me, so do I." "Which is why the Focus..." "Can parallel park itself!" " Huh?" " No way!" "Way!" "All you gotta do is press the park assist button and drive ahead." "Now you'll hear a ding when the car finds its sweet spot." "There we go." "Now, let go of the steering wheel and this baby will ease into the spot all on its own." "What?" "Pretty neat, eh?" "So let me tell you about my book." "It's called "The Secret Life of a Salesman."" "It's kinda like "Death of a Salesman"" "Only funny." "That sounds interesting." "Oh yeah." "Best-seller in the making." "I'd love to send you the manuscript." "But first, madame," "I need you to put this car in park." "Yay!" "So high-tech!" "Jason Knight." "Lovely meeting both of you." "Consider the car-- great fuel economy-- and, hey, consider the pitch-- we all have secret lives." "Even you, it seems." "Secrets, they say, are all revealed in time." "Most of us know this;" "That almost all secrets have a way of getting out..." "Eventually." "Thanks, Jason." "The secret lives of book publishers." "Maybe there's a book in that." "♪" "Being Erica 04x08 "Please, Please Tell Me Know" Original air date:" "November 14, 2011." "♪ It's clearer inside of me ♪" "♪ who I will always be ♪" "♪ open me up to my heart. ♪" "♪ Feels like I'm seeing in the dark ♪" "♪ waking me up to my life ♪" "♪ to do it all over... ♪" "♪ again and again ♪" "♪ until the end ♪" "♪ the sum of my dreams ♪" "♪ and everything I ever wanted to be. ♪." "So was the guy's voice more baritone, or was it more tenor?" "I don't know!" "I heard it for 10 seconds." "Well, I won't be able to get a wink of sleep tonight unless I find who this mystery man is." "Well, I'm sorry I asked, but Erica was pleading the fifth, so..." "Mmm... since when do you take no for an answer?" "Um, hello?" "Hypocrite." "I mean, how can I grill her, when you and me are..." "You know." "Having hot, crazy sex behind her back?" "Well, yes, that." "Jules, we've been together for weeks now." "I, for one, would like to start shouting it from the rooftops." "Well, uh, Erica's my business partner, and, I mean, I'm sleeping with one of our two employees." "It's just not gonna go over well, so..." "Oh, see, oh, oh, oh..." " Hey, you two!" " Hey!" "What's with the pow-wow?" "No!" "No pow-wow." "We were... we were..." "We were just drooling over your new wheels." "Oh." "I call shotgun on the first spin around the block." "Well, you might have to wait on that." "I mean, I want a car and I need a car, but it's just..." "It's a big purchase." "Where's Rachel?" "Uh, she went home with the flu." "It was like "The Exorcist" in here, minus the spinning head." "Eek." "Good morning!" "50/50." "E-Strange, how's it hanging?" "Scott." "This is unexpected." "Julie-Jack in the house?" "Put me on speaker, I wanna speak to 51 and 52." "Okay, you're on with both of us." "So, what's up?" "Your fortunes, as I'm sure Brent has told you." "Howdy, BK." "Hello, Scott." "Listen, the Rock has put our focus on the dudes, and while we've enjoyed some success," "I gotta admit, our slate has become too much of a sausage fest." "Okay, how does that affect us?" "I'm glad you asked." "Word on the street is 50/50 is cornering the estro-market." "You got some primo women's titles in the pipeline." "Well, the Rock wants a pie of your pie." "Scott" "Now, look, before you say no, why don't you pop by this week and hear me out." "You open your kimonos, I'll open mine." "You might just like what you see." "Yeah, we'll noodle on that, Scott." "Sure thing." "And although my noodle is long, it is not patient." "Later." "Bye." "Okay, so if you can't bankrupt the competition, you might as well buy them?" "Dream on, Scott." "Anyways, um, I'm gonna go next door and join Sam and Lenin." "Her baby's overdue and she's kinda getting a little stir crazy." "So I'll be back in 20 minutes." "Is that cool?" " Of course!" " Great!" "...Some things that you can do and there's certain things that I can do." "Are you seriously..." "Hey, guys." "Your sister's here." "Can we just stop, please?" "Stop what?" "Nonothing, nothing." "How are you?" "Oh, good." "Why nothing?" "Is it a secret?" "Are you asking me to keep this a secret from my sister?" "No, no, I'm not asking you to do anything, Sam." "I'm just trying to be supportive because you're very grumpy and, uh, I recognize I have no idea what it's like to be pregnant." "Bingo!" "You don't." "By the way, patronizing me?" "Not the same as being supportive." "Uh, well, I've attended every midwife appointment," "I've read all the pregnancy books," "I have supported your decision to have a home water birth at your mother's house." "You know what?" "I'm just gonna leave you guys." "No, no, no." "You're not leaving." " Here." "Just..." " Okay, okay, I got it." "You wanna support me?" "Supporting me would be" "Okay, can we just not talk about this right here?" "No." "No!" "'Cause we are talking about it." "'Cause I am two weeks overdue and you need to do the one thing you can to make the baby come quickly." "Uh, which..." "Which is?" "Sperm contains prostaglandins, which help soften the cervix." "Sorry, um..." "Sperm?" "Like, you want him to..." "She wants to have sex." "Right now." "Right now." "Like right, right now, now?" "I want Lenin to show his unconditional support by asking for the bill," "Getting in the car, driving us home, and bathing my cervix in prostaglandins so that I will go into labour already!" "Okay, okay." "Fine." "Fine." "Fine, fine, fine." "I'll do it, okay?" "If that's what you want, I will bathe your cervix." "All afternoon, if necessary." "I'm gonna get the cheque." "Actually, you know, why don't you guys just go and I'll get it." "It's my treat." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Okay, thank you." "Yeah." "Okay." "All right, just..." "Here, I'll get that for you." "Good luck there." "Thank you." "Thanks." "No, listen, I swear to you." "Why?" "Why would you wanna learn that?" "I was in university." "I took theatre arts as an elective, and, uh, I thought, well, this is gonna be easy, and it was not." "But luckily I have very good hand-eye coordination." "Oh boy, oh boy." "Okay, I'm going in." "Oh ye of little faith." "This is for you, okay?" "One time only." " Oh my God." " Unh?" "You're really good at that." "You thought I was lying." "Okay, wait for it..." "Okay." "Go, Tom!" "Woo!" "Oh, go, Tom!" "Did I hit you with that?" "Hey, Jimmy, right over here." "Okay, I'm definitely gonna, uh..." "Do you know where to put 'em?" "I, uh..." "I will definitely keep my day job, I promise." " Do you wanna, uh..." " Is he waving at us?" "Oh." "Yeah." "Hey." "Adam." "Sorry, I didn't see you there." "Yeah, no." "No worries." "Uh, so this is my friend, Amanda." " Hello." " Hi." " So you're working?" " Yeah, yeah." "We're uh..." "We're just doing these gardens." "Um... big project." "My first as a foreman, so..." "Right." "Keep me busy for a while." "Speaking of which," "I should probably get back to it, so..." "Okay." " Nice to meet you." " You too." "Who's Adam?" "Oh, he's just somebody that I know." "I'm afraid that I've made applesauce out of this one." "I should just..." "I'll just toss it." "It's nine o'clock." "Where are you?" "Erica, over here." "This?" "This is our romantic date?" "In a dark alleyway with rats?" "Open your mind and follow me." "What is this place?" "Patience." "Patience." "Kai..." "How did you..." "I know a guy who knows a guy." "Jody'got friends in high places." "Do you like it?" "Um..." "Do I like it?" "This is.... this is..." "Incredible." "Come on, let's sit down." "Thank you." "Dinner is served." "I remember the first time we met." "You were all like," ""uh, we're not gonnna talk about time travel" ""so don't get too excited, okay?" ""'Cause I'm Kai."" "God." "I was a such a tool." "No, you were just scared." "Yeah, I was." "Not anymore;" "I time-travel like a pro." "Sometimes I even wish Dr. Fred would make a mistake and send me far back, like to the dinosaurs." "That'd be fun." "Me?" "I would..." "I would like to go back to ancient Egypt." "You know, hang with the pharaohs." "You know." "Hmm." "What?" "Nothing." "Nothing." "What is that look on your face?" "It's nothing." "No, come on." "It's just you-- being with you is so different." "I've tried dating girls in my own time and it never works." "There's a secret I can't share." "I'm always pretending, except..." "When I'm with you, it's..." "I don't have to do that." "I don't have to pretend or hide." "I can just be me." "Come here." "It feels funny, kissing on stage." "It's like there's a whole audience out there of people watching us." "There's no one here." "It's just us." "We can do whatever we want." "No." "No!" "No way." "Why not?" "Ha!" "Well, I'd have to have a whole lot more to drink before I'd..." "Make love on stage?" "Yes." "Well, in that case..." "And, you know, I'd probably need some kind of a..." "A serenade." " " " Ooh, demanding." " Mm-hmm." " I like it." "All right." "What would you like to hear?" "Anything." "All right." "♪ I'm... ♪" "♪ I'm so in love with you ♪" "♪ whatever you want to do ♪" "♪ is all right with me ♪" "♪ 'cause you make me feel ♪" "♪ so brand new ♪" "♪ and I want to spend my life with you ♪" "♪ ooh, baby let's... ♪" "♪ let's stay together ♪" "♪ loving you whether ♪" "♪ whether ♪" "♪ times are good or bad ♪" "♪ happy or sad... ♪" "♪" "If I had doctor powers," "I would stop time and make this moment last forever." "Well, when you become a doctor, jump back in time to tonight and do exactly that." "How do you know I haven't already?" "Oh yeah?" "Maybe I'm Dr. Erica, visiting you from the future." "I need to tell you something." " What?" " What happens in a few years." "Kai." "Kai, we can't talk about that." "I need you to know what happens." "Kai..." "Kai, if you tell me," "Dr. Fred, he will stop you." "He will pull you out, okay?" "That's not fair." "No." "It isn't." "But it's the way it has to be." "You can't talk about the future, and if you keep talking about it" "What?" "What, Dr. Fred?" "What are you gonna do?" "Are just gonna pull him out?" "Or report me to some..." "Some doctors' council?" "You know what?" "In fact, why don't you do that?" "Seriously, Dr. Fred, why don't you put me in front of your superiors, and I can tell them who to blame." " Erica, you" " Kai, I'm sorry, but this needs to be said." "Kai, would you mind giving Erica and I some space so we can talk?" "It's fine." "Okay, I'll be right outside." "Erica, I get that you're upset." "But you know that I can't allow Kai" "To what?" "To tell me what I already know;" "That I'm dead in 2019." "You don't know that for sure." "Really?" "'Cause it's written all over your face." "If I'm wrong, you look me in the eye and say so." "That's what I thought." "So..." "What happens?" "Erica, I can't." "You already have." "And now you're trying make me pay for your mistake?" "Well, I won't and I shouldn't have to." "I'm sorry." "Sorry is not gonna cut it." "You tell me!" "Please, Dr. Fred, I need to know." "Tell me now!" "In 2019, Union Station is attacked." "Attacked how?" "It's bombed." "And you, along with many others..." "Die." "And if I don't go to Union Station?" "If I avoid it?" "Erica, this is new territory for me." "All I know is that in the future that I'm from," "You're not alive." "What're you doing?" "Um, I have to get to work." "You want some breakfast before you go?" "No, I'm good." "I'm not hungry." "All right, I'll see you in a bit." "Oh!" "You didn't wanna talk last night, now you're rushing off..." "Well, what is there to talk about?" " Erica." " Seriously." "I mean, Dr. Fred, he just..." "He just confirmed everything that I suspected to be true." "So I'm not gonna..." "You know," "I'm noy gonna whine about it and fall apart." "I'm just gonna get on with my day." "And hey, there're some plusses, right?" "I'll never grow old, I'll never get grey hair." "Lucky me." "Come here." "What?" "Just... hear me out." "What is that for?" "I think you should make a list." "I thought that I was the one in doctor training here, hm?" "Not that kind of list." "I want you to write down everything you ever wanted to do with your life" " Oh Kai" " But you haven't done yet." "So what?" "Like a..." "Like a bucket list?" "Exactly." "Your bucket list." "We all waste so much of our lives putting things off 'til tomorrow, and then it's too late." "But you, you know how much time you have left." "All right." "I..." "You know what?" "I wanna finish a novel, even if it's crap." "Okay." "Good." "What else?" "I don't..." "I..." "Well, I wanna buy a car." "Okay." "I wanna start a fiction division" "Julianne'll love that - and I wanna see my friend Cassidy in Brazil." "Keep going." "I want to..." "I wanna go skydiving, and I wanna take piano lessons, and..." "You know what I really wanna do?" "I wanna see The Rockies." "What?" " What is this?" " Tour dates to support the album." "Kingston, Montreal, Halifax..." "And then we fly to Vancouver," "Nelson, Banff," "Jasper." "I hear that Jasper is stunning." "So..." "Come with us." "But when would we go?" "Go right after Dave and Ivan's wedding." "We'd be gone three, maybe four weeks." "What do you say?" "I say a big yes." "Yeah!" " Carpe diem!" " Seize the day!" "Thank you." "For what?" "For making a bad morning better." "I gotta go." "Seizin' the day." "Dr. Tom, I know what you're gonna say." " No, you don't." " Oh, yes, I do." "Because I can see it all over your face." "You are disappointed in me for wanting to know the truth;" "For..." "For Kai, for everything." "Erica..." "I'm not mad at you." "You're not?" "Before, would I have been, uh, disappointed in you?" "Well, possibly." "But now, if I say anything, I'm a hypocrite." "So..." "Dr. Tom, what're you talking about?" "Uh... secrets" "The big ones." "They're hard to live with, and they're hard to keep, and very difficult to resist digging into, once we know they're there." "So how can I be disappointed in you when I find myself struggling with the same thing?" "Sorry, I'm not really bringing my therapist A-game today." "No, hey, I mean, everyone is entitled to an off day, even you." "Thanks." "So, looks like you're gonna have to manage this one on your own." "It's a little ahead of schedule, but, uh, there it is." "I don't always have the answers for you." "Okay." ""...just call my assistant and she'll clear my schedule." "Whatever works for you and E." ""Your humble servant, Scotty."" "Ugh!" "When will Scott Galvin learn to take a hint." "And when will you learn that you are utterly and completely irresistible?" "Especially in silk." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Yup, there it is." "There's your contact lens." "It's right there." "Oh, um, thank you, Julianne." "Whew!" "Hey, did you get that email from Scott?" "Uh, yeah, I sure did." "And now it's now sitting in my trash folder where it belongs." "I have a mind to call that guy and tell him to take his offer and shove it up his" "Or we could hear him out." "= Huh?" "= Well, he cleared his schedule for us." "Why don't we go over there right now, and just get it over with." "Really?" "Yeah." "Why not?" "I mean, he can't make us do anything that we don't wanna do, right?" "So, why bother putting it off?" "Why don't you grab your purse and..." "Meet me in my new car!" "You bought the car." "I bought the car." "Carpe diem!" "'Kay, meet me outside." "First of all, thanks for coming to hear me out." "You two have built a firecracker of a company." "You got a slate full of exciting female-driven projects." "We want that kind of mojo at the Rock, so we're coming to the best." "Oh, well, thank you." "That's very flattering." "That's very flattering, Scott." "So..." "What exactly are you proposing?" "Well, 50/50 on its own isn't worth much." "You two are the company." "It's your know-how that I'm interested in, and I'm prepared to make it worth your while and offer you more-- Much more-- than fair market value." "How much exactly?" "$500,000." "Each." "Plus an additional $500,000 after the first six months of a five-year contract." "Um..." "A five-year contract?" "To build 50/50 into what it could be, what it should be." "A million buckaroos in your wallet, plus the power, freedom, and enough money to go after A-listers" "Fiction, non-fiction..." "Cream of the crop." "Noodle on that, and if you're interested we can put some meat on the bones." "A million dollars?" "Scott's right about one thing;" "50/50 is not worth that much." "I mean, not by a long shot." "Yeah, well, I didn't open a company so I could sell it two years later." "You know, we're just..." "Exploring our options." "Okay, let's explore." "We sell the company, and our souls, we work for Scott..." "We call the shots." "I mean, he said that we would get free reign." "No, no, no." "Scott would be our boss, okay?" "He can spin it any way he wants." "Erica, I can't even believe you're considering his offer." "Merging with River Rock-- selling to River Rock." "It would give us deeper pockets, and we could get there faster." "Building a company takes time" "Years." "It takes patience." "What if I can't be patient?" "I mean, we're investing in the future, yes, but the future, it's..." "I mean..." "It's a big question mark, Julianne." "You could..." "You could get struck by lightning tomorrow." "I could get hit by a car." "I'm gonna get that, and you need to go home and figure out what you really want:" "A million bucks, or our business." " Julianne" " I'm serious." "Hello!" "50/50." "Hello, Erica." "You..." "You look like me." "Because I am you-- You at 43." "Uh..." "I don't know." "I..." "I just, um..." "This is, uh..." "It's, um..." "It's a lot to take in, I know." "Are you okay?" "No." "I mean, I would be if I understood what was happening right now." "But I'm talking to myself in my apartment" " and it's a..." " It's a shock, I know." "But I wouldn't have come if it wasn't important." "Wait a minute." "I'm..." "I'm supposed to be dead." "But you're here, so I'm not?" "That's what I've come to talk to you about." "I survived?" "!" "We did and we didn't." "Okay, what does that mean?" "Because Dr. Fred said that, in the future, I'm dead." "He wasn't wrong." "In his reality, you are dead." "Okay, I don't understand." "I mean, am I dead or do I survive?" "Both." "You're both dead and alive, in two different threads." "This is crazy." "I..." "I mean..." "Okay." "Can we just back it up a sec?" "Sure." "Yeah." "That's a good idea." "Question for you:" "Who did we lose our virginity with?" " Why are you..." " Just answer the question." "Zach Creed." "Are you sure it wasn't Alex Berlin?" "Because, actually, it's both." "Mmm." "Think of it like this." "There are two realities:" "One in which we slept with Zach, and one in which we slept with Alex." "Two realities, two choices." "They both exist." "Um..." "Come with me." "Where are you taking me?" "I'm gonna show you something that might make things clearer." "Uh..." "Whoa." "What have you done to my apartment?" "Sometimes things are easier to understand if you can see them with your own eyes." "This is a manifestation of our life." "The doors are the choices we make;" "Every day we cross the threshold and our future is created, moment by moment, breath by breath, step by step." "So this door?" "Our life if we would've stayed at River Rock." "And behind here?" "Our life if we would've married Ethan." "And this one?" "A reality in which" "Leo didn't go to the barn that night, where he's alive in 2011." "But that's not our reality, no matter how much we would like it to be." "And here's where we find ourselves now." "Behind this door, Kai and Dr. Fred, they don't tell you about 2019 and you die." "But behind this door, they do tell you, and because you know what happens in 2019, you avoid it and you survive." "This is our door." "It is." "Why are you telling me all this?" "So that you'll stop allowing your future to dictate your present." "We all know that we're gonna die, but the date, the exact moment, it's... it's a mystery, it's a secret, and for a good reason." "Knowing?" "It changes things" "The way you act, the choices you make." "You need to live fully in the present, unencumbered by the past or the future." "Thank you." "It feels kinda weird to thank myself, but..." "You're welcome." "Erica." "Or should I say Dr. Erica?" "Are you asking me about the future, Dr. Tom?" "Maybe." "It's strange, seeing you this way." "Mm." "I mean, you know, the same, but uh..." "Yeah... different." "Eight years." "It's a long time." "Mm." "A lot happens." "It's strange seeing you too, in a really great way." "You look happy." "I am." "And how are you?" "Uh, well, you know." "Uh, yeah, it's been an interesting few months." "The more you learn, the less you know." "Mm-hm." "Well, I would ask you how it all turns out, but..." "But then you can't tell me, can you?" "Well, I..." "I wish that I could stay and talk, but..." "Oh, yeah." "All right." "I mean, if you have to go." "Hmm." "Yeah, yeah." "I'm sure we'll still be talking eight years from now." "Goodbye, Dr. Tom." "Goodbye, Erica." "So..." "What's on your to do-list today?" "You going to work?" "Uh... yeah." "Probably." " Why?" " Why?" "I-I don't know." "I was just asking." "No, I mean, I'm..." "I'm on call." "So, I'll..." "Yeah, I'll probably go in." "On call." "What are you?" "Batman?" "No, I just mean my availability is open today." "Right." "Your availability's open, but you, on the other hand, closed shut." "Amanda, it's..." "My work..." "You know it requires confidentiality, right?" "You mean like the guy we saw yesterday." "He's a patient, right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "So why didn't you just say so instead of acting all strange and like you were hiding something?" "Because my work is uh..." "Well, it's not us." "I mean, it's got nothing to do with what we have." "It's a part of you, and you have a history of shutting me out, and if that's the way it's gonna be then you need to tell me." "Because I can't go through it again." "Okay." "Okay." "I'm sorry." "And truly, this is not the way that it's going to be." "Amanda, I promise you." "Okay." "Okay." "Hey, mom." "Whoa-whoa-whoa." "Okay, whoa." "Slow down." "What?" "Oh my God!" "No." "Okay, I'll be right there." "Just, just tell her to hang on!" "Okay." "Bye." "Hello!" "Hello!" "Erica, she's already started pushing." " What?" "Already?" "!" " Yes." "Sam should be having the baby in the hospital and not in the living room, in a kiddie pool!" "Why a water birth?" "Gary, stop being so melodramatic." "Listen, I thought that the first labour was supposed to be really like long and drawn out." "Yeah!" "But the midwife said she's just progressing incredibly quickly." "So it worked." " What worked?" "The prostagland" " Nothing." " Come, come, come, come." "You're doing great." "You're doing great." "Oh my God!" "I gotta move." "Oh my God." "I'm getting a flashback of your mother's caesarean." "Whose idea was it to invite dad?" "Sam didn't wanna hurt his feelings." "Gary, I think you should wait in the other room." "Good idea." "You okay there?" "Yeah?" "Okay." "Good job." "Push for me, Sam." "You're doing great, Sammy." "Good." "Good." "Okay, again." "Push." "Push, push." "You're doing great." "Good." "Good." "Almost there." "You're almost there." "One more time." "Come on." "Come on, Sam!" "You're doing so well, sweetie!" "Oh!" "And here it is!" "Push!" "All right, here he comes, here he comes." "And here he is." "Are you ready to see your baby boy?" "Yeah." "There he is." "Hi." "Hey, little guy." "Hey." "Hi, Leo." "Leo?" "Leo?" "Oh wow!" "Oh wow, wow, wow, wow." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "Julianne, I'm sorry." "Look, just do it." "Just say it, whatever it is you're gonna say." "Do you want to sell 50/50 or not?" "No, I don't wanna sell." "No." "But..." ""One Girl, Two Hands"?" "Oh, come on." "Erica, another sex book?" "No." "It's not a sex book." "It's... it's a novel, and I'm in love with it." "Okay." "So first, you wanna sell 50/50 to our arch enemy and now you're bringing me fiction titles." "I mean, who are you?" "I know." "I feel like I don't even know you anymore." "Listen, Julianne," "I've been going through some stuff lately and..." "And what I figured out is that I need to seize the day." "You know, your first love is non-fiction, and I know that, but I need something more." "So you wanna open a fiction department?" "I do." "Okay." "Why didn't you just say so?" "I mean, if this is what you need to be fulfilled, then of course I support you." "Okay." "Thank you." "Yeah." "And I'm sorry, but there's..." "One other thing that I need to ask, and that is to take a few weeks off." "What, you're going away somewhere?" "On tour, actually." "So the secret someone is Kai." "And he's asked me to follow his band across the country, and I, I wanna go." "And I know that that sounds crazy," " but I" " Chicken, no, your personal life is your personal life." "And, I mean, Brent and I can hold down the fort." " Thank you." " Yeah!" " Thank you!" " Of course!" "Oh wow!" "You know what?" "Why don't I get us some lattes?" "Yeah, and then we can talk this through." " That sounds good." " That sounds great." "OMG, did you tell her?" "Is that what you were just talking about?" "What did she say?" "Oh." "We're still in the closet." "Brent, as soon as the time is right." " I..." " No, no, no." "It's fine." "It's fine." "You do what you gotta do." "You're struggling?" "I can't keep lying like this." "I'm not gonna say it isn't hard, because it is." "Hard?" "It's impossible." "How am I supposed to build an open, honest relationship if I can't share the damnest thing in my life?" "You can be open about everything else." "And what if that's not enough for Amanda?" "You have never told your wife?" "No." "And you're okay with that?" "I destroyed our relationship the first time by holding myself apart from Amanda, by not letting her in." "I won't do that again." "You can't tell her, Tom." "It's simply not an option." "You must keep this, what we do, a secret." "And if I can't?" "Then we need to have a bigger conversation." "Well, I'll figure it out." "Sure?" "Mm-hm." "Okay." "So we can talk about assigning you more patients." "We have new candidates, and if you're open to taking on more..." "Oh yes, please." "Thank you, Dr. Naadiah." "Okay, so I'll call the agents and let them know 50/50 is open for fiction submissions." "But, that being said, we still need to find our "Secret of Now."" "You know, something for women, by a woman." "Something that moves units the way that Friedken's book did." "Secrets..." "Some buoy us up, give us strength;" "Others exhaust us and sap our energy." "Julianne, do you know of anyone?" "I'm sorry." "Anyone who?" "A woman who could fill Friedken's shoes and his ego, I guess." "Some secrets we long to share, but can't because we fear the consequences will be too dire." "Or because the secret isn't ours to tell."