"Hi, honey, I saw you drive in." "Hi." "How was the meeting?" "Oh, it was all right." "Did you see Fred and Little Ricky out there playing baseball with the neighborhood kids?" "Yeah, I saw them." "Uh-oh, Fred struck out again." "He's so vain, he won't wear his glasses and he can't see the ball without them." "Well, what's new with the Westport Historical Society?" "What's the matter, honey?" "Oh, Ethel," "I've done something awful." "What is it this time?" "Now, if you take that tone, I may not tell you." "Good." "Come back here." "I have to tell someone." "Okay." "What is it?" "Well, our historical society's having its annual fundraising drive and today we were planning the show and everyone was promising what their husbands would do." "Uh-oh." "Betty Ramsey said that her husband would get the advertising for the program and Gertrude Foote said that her husband would print the programs and Grace Munson said that her husband would take care of the floral decorations and... well..." "Out with it." "Well, everyone was volunteering their husbands and I jumped up and said that Ricky and his band would play for the show." "Oh, Lucy, how are you going to break this to him?" "Oh, I don't know." "This is a tough one." "Gee!" "I could try buttering him up; that always works... sometimes." "Lucy, there isn't buttering-up in the world that could get Ricky to bring his band out here to Westport to play for a show put on by a historical society." "You forget I'm a pretty good butter-upper." "Let's see now." "When he gets home," "I'll have a delicious dinner waiting for him." "I'll put him down on the divan." "I'll give him the evening paper and his slippers." "I'll get him in a very good mood." "How's that sound?" "Great, as long as you don't tell him." "Oh, Ethel!" "Heavens!" "Well, hi, dear." "What's the matter, Ricky?" "Oh, nothing!" "What's the matter with him, Fred?" "Oh, the other kids threw him out of the ball game because he can't play as well as they can." "Aw, the poor little thing." "Yeah, well, these country kids get more time to practice than the city kids, but he'll learn." "Oh, sure he will." "Oh, poor kid." "Now, now, Lucy, let him alone." "There are some things a man has just got to work out for himself." "Yeah, I guess you're right." "Well, how'd you do, Babe Ruth?" "Oh, they threw me out of the game, too." "You poor little thing." "Good luck with both your Rickys." "Well, hi, darling." "Hi, honey." "Did you have a hard day?" "Well..." "How'd everything go at the club?" "I'll bet that was a long, tiring ride home on the train, huh, honey?" "You just sit down here and don't you worry about a thing, sweetheart." "You just sit, and here's your evening paper and here are your bedroom slippers." "Thank you." "My, I sure missed you today." "My shoes, dear." "Oh." "I sure missed you today, dear." "I wish you didn't have to go into New York every day, sweetheart." "It would be nice if you could stay around here with me all the time." "It would be kind of nice." "Oh, I'd sure love that." "Now, honey, you just sit right up there and you be comfy-cozy, see?" "And don't you worry about a thing." "And dinner will be ready in a little while." "And do you know what we're having?" "It's one of your favorites." "Smell that?" "What does it smell like?" "It smells like you want me and the band for that show." "Oh, no, no, no." "We're having chicken and rice and fried bana..." "How'd you find out?" "Betty Ramsey just told me." "I forgot Betty Ramsey was gonna drive you home from the station." "Well, that's one of the hazards of living in the suburbs." "Yeah, well." "Well, now that you know all about it, Ricky, will you?" "No." "And I spent two hours over a hot stove cooking chicken and rice." "Well, don't worry about that, honey, I'll eat it." "But Ricky, just tell me why." "Because I love chicken and rice." "Oh, I mean, why won't you play for the show?" "Look, I'm not gonna transport my whole band to Westport, Connecticut, and besides, you know that we have to play at the club." "Well, maybe you could just give us a few of them, you know, like the piano and the drums and the... whatever you call them." "The claves and the maracas." "Yeah." "No." "Oh." "It's such a worthy cause, honey." "I know, dear, and I'll be very happy to give them some money." "Oh, the money's not important;" "it's the spirit of the thing." "It's a community project." "And we need your band to play if we want the entertainment good." "Oh, honey, I'm sorry, but I cannot do it, and that's final." "But, uh, thanks for the paper and the slippers and the chicken and rice and the soft soap." "Where's Ricky?" "He's up in his room." "Hey, partner!" "I think maybe you'd better go up and have a talk with him." "He's a little upset." "Oh, what's the matter?" "Well, the kids wouldn't let him play baseball with them today." "They said he wasn't good enough." "Oh, dear." "Well, I'll go up and have a little father-and-son talk with him." "And after dinner, you can have a little husband-and-wife talk with me." "This little husband is through talking." "Now, the issue is closed." "Well, if you won't bring your band, what are we gonna do for music?" "Well, you play a pretty mean saxophone." "Maybe some of your friends can play." "Organize your own band." "I promised them Ricky Ricardo." "All right, just go..." "Maybe they won't notice." "Oh!" "Honey, I forgot to bring these eggs over this morning." "Thanks." "Look at the size of that one." "That's nothing compared to the one" "I just laid with Ricky." "Uh-oh." "What happened to your buttering-up plan?" "Well, Betty Ramsey spilled the whole thing before I even got my churn started." "Well, I hate to say I told you so..." "Well, don't, then!" "I have to call the historical society and tell them Ricky can't make it." "Oh, honestly, that Betty Ramsey-- big blabbermouth." "Hello, is this the Westport Historical Society?" "Well, this is Mrs. Ricky Ricardo." "Yes, I just called to say that..." "Oh." "Oh, really?" "Oh, well, that's wonderful." "Yes." "Yes, that..." "Oh, that's wonderful." "Well, I just called to say that..." "Ricky will be delighted to play." "Good-bye." "What'd you say that for?" "She said on the strength of Ricky's appearance, tickets are selling like hot cakes." "Oh, dear." "Wait till they hear the bad news." "They'll have to change their name to the Westport Hysterical Society." "Ethel, I promised them Ricky Ricardo and I'm gonna deliver Ricky Ricardo!" "Huh?" "Junior." "Little Ricky?" "Yeah, why not?" "They both play drums." "Yeah, that's right." "Oh, Lucy, I gotta hand it to you." "You get caught in a jam and you're able to produce another Ricky Ricardo." "Well, I always believe in having a spare." "So you got a drummer." "Where are you going to get the rest of the band?" "I got the rest of the band." "Lucy Ricardo on saxophone, Ethel Mertz on the piano..." "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah." "Who was that on the 88 again?" "The wizard of the ivories, Ethel May Mertz." "Well, maybe so." "Yeah, and I got..." "Just to round out the rest of the quartet," "I have Fred Mertz on the violin." "Does he still have his fiddle?" "Yeah, but the last time he played, it was three chins ago." "Don't worry." "I'm sure if he practices, he'll play just like he used to." "Oh, well, then, Lucy, whatever you do, don't let him practice." "Now, Ethel, it's gonna be great." "Our little band is gonna burst upon the music world." "We are gonna be the new sound." "Okay, Fred, you stay right there and be our audience." "You tell us what you think." "What are you doing?" "I'm limbering up my fingers." "Think what she'd have sounded like unlimbered." "Oh, now, Fred." "Boy, I haven't had this thing out of the case in years." "Ooh, I even forgot to take this off." "How do you like that?" "What?" "Oh!" "Gosh!" "You ought to take that out in the backyard and beat it." "Oh, I know." "oh, Fred, Fred!" "That cat sounded better when it was alive." "Oh, never mind the wisecracks." "There's something wrong." "Yeah, what is all that?" "Confetti." "The last time I played this thing was at a Roosevelt rally." "He means Teddy." "She knows who I mean." "Mommy, can we start now?" "Yeah, as soon as we get tuned up, honey." "Give me an "A," Ethel." "An "A"?" "Yeah." "Oh, an "A."" "Is that a black key or a white one?" "Ethel plays by ear." "Oh." "The trouble is, we have to listen by ear." "Lucy, how about a middle "C"?" "I know where that one is." "Well, thanks a lot, girl, but I gotta have an "A."" "Oh, well, there has to be one on here someplace." "Let's see now." "Is that an "A"?" "Oh, thank you, honey!" "So you had to go and find the "A."" "Let's hear your "A," Jascha." "Sounds more like a "Z."" "Oh, is that so?" "Oh, come on, you two, let's get started, huh?" "Yeah, what are we gonna play?" "Well, I only know that one tune" ""Comin' 'Round The Mountain."" "For heaven's sake, Ethel, don't you know "Sweet Sue"?" "No." "Why?" "'Cause that's the only tune I know." "I never learned "Sweet Sue."" "Well, you could; you play by ear." "Come on, try "Sweet Sue."" "Well, I'll try it, but don't blame me if it sounds like "Sweet Sue is Comin' 'Round The Mountain."" "Ready, everybody?" "Yeah." "A-one, a-two..." "Hold it, hold it." "Honey, aren't you playing a little too fast?" "No, Mommy, you're playing too slow." "Oh, we're playing too slow." "Well, we'll try to speed it up." "Let's try it again now." "A-one, a-two..." "Honey... honey, are you sure you're not playing too fast?" "Yes, Mommy, I'm sure." "How would you like to go outside and play and let us practice for a while?" "Great!" "Thanks." "Thanks, yet." "Come on, we can get it." "Let's try it again." "I can do that "a-one, a-two" thing." "A-one, a-two..." "Honey, I'm home!" "Oh, hi, darling." "Hi, dear." "Aw, gee, you look tired." "I'm bushed." "Dinner ready?" "Not yet." "Why don't you stretch out and take a nap?" "Good idea." "There you are." "Okay?" "Yeah, thanks." "Ricky?" "Mm." "We had our first rehearsal today." "Mm-hmm." "Aren't you gonna ask me how it went?" "All right." "How'd it go?" "Don't ask." "What happened?" "Well, naturally, Little Ricky was just wonderful on the drums and I was pretty good on the saxophone if I do say so myself." "But Fred's violin and Ethel's piano-- sheesh!" "Pretty bad, huh?" "Oh, Fred's violin sounds like he's breaking in a new pair of shoes." "And what Ethel does to those ivories is enough to make an elephant want to take back his tusks." "So what do you want me to do?" "Well, honey, we're having another rehearsal after dinner tonight, see, and I thought maybe you could tell them in a nice way, you know, what they're doing wrong." "All right, dear, I'll see what I can do." "Will you do that, dear?" "Sure." "Well, now you just take a nice nap and I'll let you know when dinner's ready." "Thank you." "Ricky." "Where's Lucy?" "She's in the kitchen." "What's the matter?" "Oh." "Well, uh..." "Rick, we had our first rehearsal this afternoon, and I want to talk to you about our little group." "All right." "Well, of course, Ricky, Jr., was just wonderful on the drums and I was pretty good on the piano, too, but Lucy and Fred..." "whew-ew!" "Pretty bad, huh?" "Oh, yeah, it was bad." "Well, maybe they'll get better with practice." "Well, maybe, but you should have heard them." "Lucy playing the saxophone sounds like a wounded moose calling to its mate." "And Fred's violin?" "Oh, I make better music when I file my nails." "Rick?" "We're gonna have another rehearsal tonight and I thought maybe you might just stick around and-and straighten them out, huh?" "All right, I'll see what I can do." "You will?" "Mm-hmm." "Oh, bless you, Rick." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Where is...?" "She's in the kitchen." "I'm in trouble." "What's the matter, Fred?" "Rick, could I talk to you as one professional musician to another?" "Sure, Fred." "Well, we had that rehearsal this afternoon." "Oh, is that so?" "Yeah." "Well, how did it go, Fred?" "Little Ricky and I were okay." "But the women..." "Bad, eh?" "The way Ethel hits those piano keys..." "I wouldn't blame them if they hit her back." "And Lucy with that saxophone... it's a wonder every hog in Westport didn't answer the call." "Well, now, look, Fred, you're gonna have another rehearsal after dinner, is that right?" "Yeah." "Well, I'll tell you what I'll do." "I'll see if I can tell the girls in a nice way what they're doing wrong." "You took the words right out of my mouth." "See you later." "Right, bye-bye." "Bye." "Daddy?" "Oh, hiya, partner." "How are you?" "Can I talk to you a minute?" "Sure." "What is it?" "Our band." "Your band?" "Well, how did the rehearsal go?" "Eesh!" "You mean that Uncle Fred and Aunt Ethel and Mommy are pretty bad, huh?" "Boy, I'll say." "Well, maybe they're not as bad as you think." "Oh, yes, they are." "Well, maybe they'll get better with a little practice." "I don't want to play with them anymore." "Don't want to play with them anymore?" "Well, now, wait a minute, that's not very nice." "You remember what happened to you yesterday when you were playing baseball with those kids and they didn't want you to play with them anymore?" "But I play baseball better than they play music." "That's not the point, though." "You know, when we had our little talk, we agreed that it wasn't nice to be unkind to people, right?" "Yes, Daddy." "So we can't just tell them that they don't play well, can we?" "No, Daddy." "Now, the thing to do is to teach them to play better." "So, tonight after dinner, you're gonna have a rehearsal and I'll stick around and I'll see what I can do, okay?" "Okay, Daddy." "Okay, son." "Dinner, everybody!" "Did you have a nice nap, sweetie?" "Sheesh!" "Look, let's try it one more time from the top." "Okay." "Now, please, everybody, will you try to remember what I told you that you were doing wrong?" "Oh, sure, sure, sure." "One more time." "It's a nice simple tune." "It should be bright and happy and relaxed." "Yeah, aha, that's the way it should go, just like that." "Yeah, boy." "Right here, eh?" "Right here, huh?" "One, two..." "Hold it, hold it, everyone." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Hold it, everybody." "Before we go any further, there is something that I have to say." "We'll listen to you." "Oh, well, just say it, Rick." "Go ahead and say it." "Go ahead, honey, go ahead." "Well, you know, Little Ricky's fine on the drums." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "That's right." "But some of the rest of you need a little work." "Yeah, some of us are pretty bad." "Yeah, some of us are." "Yeah, some of us." "Well, to tell you the truth, you know..." "Go ahead, Rick, be frank." "Sure, just speak right out." "Sure, they can take it." "I mean, we can take it." "Well... it's... it's..." "the situation is, you know that you play fine, you play good, you know." "As a matter of fact, you play too good." "Well, it's that you-you're so far ahead of your time the public is not ready, for your type of music." "Really?" "Take my word for it as a musician." "They are not ready." "Oh." "Well, that's too bad because the show is tomorrow night." "Yeah." "What are we gonna do?" "Yeah, well, you know, honey," "I-I-I-I realize that, you know, it's such an emergency-- and boy, is it an emergency-- that, uh, well, I thought maybe I can get away from the club for an hour and bring a couple of the boys down" "and I'll do a calypso number." "A calypso." "That would be wonderful." "From my album, you know." "Oh, that's wonderful." "Well, if you're just gonna bring a couple of the boys, then you'll need some of us, some of us that aren't too bad, you know." "Oh, sure, sure, you will." "No." "You said we were pretty good." "I did, didn't I?" "Yeah, I did that, and I meant it." "Meant every word of it." "And, by God, I think that you should be in it!" "Oh." "Yes, sir, and I want you in it." "I want you in the band." "Oh, well, good." "Right." "I tell you, right in that rhythm section, that's where you'll be." "The rhythm section?" "Yeah." "What do we do?" "Oh, well, you, you..." "I'll tell you what." "Little Ricky can play the bongos and Fred can play the quijada and Ethel can play the cencerros and you can play the cuica." "Oh, well, that's wonderful!" "What are we gonna play?" "The quijada, the cuica and the cencerros." "Oh, is that good?" "Good." "Oh, honey, that's the most, the most important part." "The cuica Cuica?" "is the most important part of the calyso..." "I play the cuica." "Hey, hey" "Hey, hey..." "Let us put men and women together" "To find out which one is smarter" "Some say men, but I say no" "The women got the men beat, they should know" "Samson was the strongest man long ago" "No one could have beaten him as we all know" "He clashed with Delilah and before he knew what" "Samson had the world's very first crew cut." "Not me, other people, they say" "That the men are a-leadin' the women astray" "But I say that the women of today" "Smarter than the man in every way." "That's right, the woman is..." "Smarter!" "That's right, the woman is..." "Smarter!" "That's right, the woman is..." "Smarter!" "That's right." "That's right." "Your wife announces that you and she" "Are expecting' an addition to the family" "You sing and dance and yell hurrah" "But she only expecting' your mother-in-law." "Not me, other people, they say" "That the men are leading' the women astray" "But I say that the women of today" "Smarter than the man in every way." "That's right, the woman is..." "Smarter!" "That's right, the woman is..." "Smarter!" "That's right, the woman is..." "Smarter!" "That's right." "That's right." "Wife want husband to be in show" "She beg and plead, but he still say no" "Husband here with calypso band" "Which proves that woman is smarter than man." "Not me, other people, they say" "That the men are leading' the women astray" "But I say that the women of today" "Smarter than the man in every way." "That's right, the woman is..." "Smarter!" "That's right, the woman is..." "Smarter!" "That's right, the woman is..." "Smarter!" "That's right." "That's right."