"Previously on the "L.A." "I'm looking for Walter Dugan." "And you are?" "I'm his son." "I just want a chance to show you I can change." "Come stay with me." "Where?" "At you house?" "Just say it out loud." "I'm a faggot." "I didn't want you to leave." "You're just too much fun, Abby Vargas." "Are you sure this is okay?" "You know how hard it is to get these auditions without an agent?" "We gotta go to a lot of these things before I book something." "What, like this is gonna be like a full-time job?" "I can't afford both of you, so whoever isn't funny enough I'll just fire." "I wish they had good brothels in L.A.!" "Oh dude, I'm sure they do." "Nick, thank you for this." "What about cactibear?" "We passed on that, remember?" "Well, can we un-pass?" "You don't like how I do things," "I'd be happy to replace you with a girl" "I wanted in the first place." "I'm Jenn, by the way." "I wanna hire you to be my boyfriend." "Forget it!" "I don't need anything from you!" "I'll come by and get my stuff in the morning." "Is that you breaking up with me?" "Because I don't agree to that!" "Cat scan was clear." "You're gonna be fine." "You're lucky girl." "Yay me." "Can I go home now?" "Turn to your left." "Open your mouth real wide, roll your tongue to the back so I can see it." "Take your pinkies, hook them in your cheeks, pull your cheeks out." "Take off your shoes." "Shake each one." "Let me see the bottoms of your feet." "You're being charged with driving a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol." "Do you understand this charge?" "Yes." "Are you currently taking any medications?" "No." "In the last six months, have you considered suicide?" "No." "Delouser." "Out of the shower!" "Stand here." "Squat and cough." "I'm sorry, what?" "Squat and cough." "You'll remain here until you can post bail." "Don't I get a phone call?" "A lot of people ahead you." "Largest animal on earth." "The whole earth?" "Blue whale." "On land, it's the African elephant." "Plants converting Carbon Dioxide into Oxygen is called...?" "Photosynthesis." "Furthest planet from the sun." "Neptune." "Are you sure?" "What about Pluto?" "Pluto was demoted." "It's a dwarf planet now." "Nice try." "You little nerd." "This audition seems weird." "You don't have lines or anything?" "They just wanna see how much you know about science?" "I like science." "Really?" "I couldn't tell." "♪ Two lovers stuck in an sweet embrace ♪" "♪ I bet you're never gonna change ♪" "Hey, Beth, impromptu barbecue." "All this meat was gonna go bad." "You guys should come join us." "Simon has an audition, but I'll try and make it back quick." "She came in and found us there." "So, at first, I thought she was jealous, and then she starts kissing me, which is crazy, and then he starts kissing me too, and normally I'd never do this, but they're sort of a package deal" "and I don't know..." "What did I do?" "Amazing, wonderful things with multiple people." "Was Connor one of them?" "No, okay, well, Connor wasn't one of them." "It was people from work, and I'm not gonna name any names." "From saying grace?" "To the Internet!" "Eddie... uh, it's just they're together you know, and they seem really happy." "I just feel like he and I have this connection and I think she might have noticed." "How?" "It's a threesome." "People are..." "People are very busy." "Yeah, well, there's this one point where we were using our hands to..." "Go on." "And the way he was looking at me while we..." "Why am I even telling you this?" "Because I'm not judgmental and I'm a good listener." "What was that about hands?" "Anyway, so I looked up, and she was just staring at us, just..." "Like this?" "Is that her?" "Oh my God, you had sex with television's grace Donovan!" "Who's the guy?" "Is it him?" "It is!" "You had a threesome with the Donovan twins!" "Seriously." "This is scandalous!" "No!" "You can't tell anyone!" "Because we will all get fired, okay?" "We have this morality clause and everything." "It's just this guy, he makes me" "Makes you wanna go to confession?" "I just think I might really like him." "You found love in a hopeless place." "It happens every day." "You want my advice?" "Ride this beautiful train out..." "Please!" "You've been given a gift!" "Don't walk away from me!" "At least..." "See if you like it before you say no!" "Wow, you're really committing to the hipster-douchebag look" "Shhh!" "So what'd you boys get up to last night?" "Where's this super-secret place that only guys can go to?" "A gay bar?" "Shut up." "Shut up." "Stop talking with your mouth." "Oh, I'm sorry, do you have hangover?" "It's gonna be kind of a long one then, huh?" "Eight hours of loud noises, writers yelling at each other, mysterious odours, and wave after wave of nausea." "I'm gonna slam dunk this day on you so hard it's gonna make your teeth rattle." "Hey, Scott." "Shhhh!" "Shh... shh..." "Monologue pitches." "Who's first?" "I'll go." "This isn't a good time." "It's not a great time for me either." "I can't talk right now!" "No, no, no!" "Don't hang up, please!" "They only give you one call!" "What're you talking about?" "I'm in jail." "What?" "!" "What happened?" "It's no big deal." "It's just a dumb DUI, but I need you to post bail and I" "You were driving drunk?" "Just come and get me, okay?" "I wrecked my car." "I have no way of getting home." "You wrecked your car?" "!" "Are you okay?" "I'm fine." "No one was hurt." "So what happened?" "How did you-?" "Would you just come and get me out of here, please?" "!" "Look, it's been a bad night, okay?" "They only give you one call and I called you." "So if you still care about me at all..." "Just come and get me outta here, please." "Which jail are you in?" "Century station, in Lynnwood." "All right." "I'm on my way." "Hurry." "Family?" "No." "No, just a... just a friend." "You met her, actually, on set the other day." "Raquel." "I-I have to go." "You're upset." "Let me go with you." "That's... don't..." "That's not a good idea." "You shouldn't be driving right now." "I'm fine, I just" "Connor, get dressed." "I'm driving you." "It's gonna be okay." "What do you want me to say, D. He ain't here!" "So how 'bout I call you when I know something you don't." "A'ight?" "Hey, yo, where the hell you..." "How've you been, Reggie?" "How long you been out?" "A while." "A while, huh?" "Man, I thought that they locked you up and swallowed the key." "Good behaviour." "Oxygen and swallowed the key." "Yo, let him upstairs and pick out a room." "What the hell's he doin' here?" "Don't." "All right?" "You forgot all the things that man did to you?" "Just don't, a'ight?" "Just chill, man." "Hey, what's up with you, man?" "First you disappear without tellin' me, then you show up with your pops of all people." "Meanwhile, we got dynasty sittin' down at the studio burning' our money, waitin' for you to show up" "Now it's our money?" "Whatever." "Whatever?" "Yo, if I say my pops is back then he's back." "Is that gonna be a problem?" "We're talking about your father." "How can it not be?" "This is Simon Pirelli." "Simon... great." "So we're just cutting the kids loose and watching them." "It's basically like a six-hour long science camp." "Six hours?" "I was hoping to get back to a barbecue." "Is there..." "Never mind." "So there's a separate parents room you can watch from." "Great." "Oh, Beth, look!" "An ant farm!" "I know, it's like a dream, isn't it?" "Go ahead, explore." "It's all part of the audition." "Have fun!" "See you in six hours." "Don't forget about me, okay?" "They get to play, while we get detention." "Story of my live." "Could be worse." "Could be seven hours." "What was this?" "Egg salad?" "I think Kate's already lodged a formal complaint." "Kate?" "Stage-mom from hell." "Knows every rule and regulation in the book." "She looks like a rottweiler." "She is." "Luckily, she's on our side." "I'm Jack, by the way." "Beth." "So which one's yours?" "The one talking to the ants." "Yours?" "The one who won't stop spinning." "So they're both gifted." "So when they say six hours" "You wanna go get some real food?" "I would love to." "Unfortunately," "I have to look after the ant whisperer." "Actually, you kinda don't." "I mean, I can just go talk to the casting assistant, plus we have a sentinel over there watching them like a hawk." "Seriously, the woman doesn't blink." "You wanna go get some food?" "Yeah, I'm gonna buy you some food." "What's she doing here?" "She drove me." "Oh, is that part of the deal?" "Is she your driver too?" "Oh well, good morning." "It's good to see you, Raquel." "You okay?" "How could I not be?" "Night in jail, squatting and coughing." "I'm living the dream." "Where'd you park?" "Just here." "Seventeen messages?" "!" "Oh my God." "Are you late for call?" "Yeah, yeah." "I'm late for call." "That's why I told you to hurry." "We came as fast as we could." "I'm sure you did." "Do you want us to take you straight to set?" "Are you kidding me?" "Like this?" "No." "I have to go home and wash the jail off me." "Can you just relax, okay?" "It's gonna be fine." "No, it's not gonna be fine, okay?" "Not all of us have lame TV shows and fake relationships to fall back on." "Why don't you calm down and lower your voice." "It's okay." "It is not okay, Connor." "Do not talk to him like that." "Excuse me?" "How about saying, "Thank you"" "for dropping everything and bailing you out of jail." "Why don't we start with that." "Thank you." "If you're going to insert something into your face that's on fire, it should at least make you hungry and suspicious of your friends." "Nick is on fire!" "What's happening?" "!" "What is happening with you?" "I don't know." "Kerouac drank whiskey for three weeks and wrote "On the Road."" "I got bombed on Singapore slings last night and wrote ten pages of pot jokes." "Who can understand the delicate alchemy of genius?" "So now you're a genius?" "You should show up drunk to work everyday." "Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it." "Hey, how 'bout this." "Tomorrow you come in with ten sober pages and compare 'em to Nick's ten drunk pages and see which ones are funnier." "How 'bout that?" "You know only one of you gets this job, right?" "And the dark horse is picking up speed." "Hey... you making yourself comfortable?" "I'm not sure if I should." "Doesn't seem like Reggie's too keen on me being here." "Yeah, well..." "It ain't up to him." "This is a big house." "Yeah, what's the point of making all this money if I can't spend it, right?" "I suppose so." "Well, it ain't all that big." "I mean, you just ain't used to it yet." "Come on, I'll show you around." "Yo!" "Yo!" "Sorry, this room's usually empty." "Well, it empty now, is it?" "Get the hell outta here!" "Sorry about that." "Come on, let's take that tour." "I can't stay here." "Why not?" "Look, I appreciate everything you're trying to do for me." "But I hope you can appreciate what I'm trying to do for myself." "It'd just be too easy for me to backslide in this environment." "Environment?" "This is where I live." "This is my house." "Does everyone else here know that?" "Welcome." "Hey!" "Hey." "Can I talk to you for a sec?" "Absolutely." "Yes." "Um..." "What's up?" "Um, I just wanted to talk to you about last night." "Oh, did you not have a good time?" "No." "No, no." "I did." "I really enjoyed..." "Some of it." "Okay." "W-what's up?" "Threesome's aren't something I really do, but I know that you and Laura are like a thing, or whatever." "But I really, really like you, Brandon." "Cheesecake day!" "God be praised!" "Hey." "Hey you!" "Abby was just saying what a lovely time she had with us last night." "Right?" "So I was thinking, after wrap, maybe the three of us, we can go back to my place, make some dinner, and then..." "What do you say?" "I say... sure." "Okay, guys, that is enough." "Let's just call it, shall we?" "I love these early days." "Oh, well, if Paul asks, it's not an early day." "We are just doing field research..." "With drinks in our hands." "Kentucky blizzards at the Roger room?" "I love Kentucky blizzards." "And then, Nick, afterwards, you and me, we'll...?" "Yes." "Absolutely." "Awesome." "Awesome." "You coming?" "Where?" "The Roger room or the donkey shy you two are going to afterwards." "It's not a donkey show." "It is in my head until you tell me otherwise." "So, what, you're just gonna stay here and do work all night?" "Yeah!" "I just got assigned ten pages of monologue jokes, remember?" "And isn't this what this job's supposed to be - work?" "Right." "Nick, c'mon!" "Yo, Kal." "We have to talk." "We need to finish this album." "Why are you blowing off your studio sessions?" "It's not your business, D." "Actually, this is exactly my business." "Look, if this has to do with Tariq" "Yo, can we talk about this another time?" "!" "Look, I don't know what happened between you two - that's between you and Tariq" "You shut your damn mouth!" "Now, I don't know what you think you know, but you don't know it, understand?" "Now, as far as the studio," "I'll get in it when I'm ready." "You feel me?" "Yeah." "I feel you." "Yo, rook!" "What the hell is all this, man?" "All what?" "All this - these people!" "What people?" "Him!" "Him!" "All them!" "I need everybody out of my house!" "Why?" "Don't ask me why!" "Just get..." "You still work for me?" "Do you work for me?" "!" "Do your job!" "Do your job." "Yo, everybody out!" "Yo!" "Everybody out, right now!" "Everybody!" "Kal, I know you've been through a lot lately, and you haven't exactly been thinking straight." "This is not workin' for me." "Why can't you understand that?" "What ain't working out?" "All this." "I need to make a change." ""She was drinking, Charlie." "Alcohol." "Someone had to tell the principal." "But now everyone's mad at me."" ""Give it a few weeks and they'll thank you for it in the end."" ""You wouldn't happen to have a time machine, would you?"" "And we..." "Hug." "And that's a cut on rehearsal!" "Very nice." "Second team!" "Mm." "Good work." "You too." "Quite the rehearsal." "Can I talk to you for a sec?" " Sure." " In private?" "Okay." "So am I wrong in feeling that last night, with the three of us, there was something else going on?" "No." "You're not wrong." "I'm not." "So you felt it too then." "Well... yeah." "I mean, how else" "I really like you, Abby." "Oh." "Wait... is that not what were you talking about?" "No, the same thing!" "I like you too." "Brandon and I have been with other girls before, but last night, with you..." "It was just..." "It was so different." "I can't stop thinking about you." "Totally." "Totally." "So I'll see you tonight then?" "Yes, you will." "That's so cool." "What have you written?" "Oh, nothing too exciting." "Freelance episode of a show that got canceled, some reality stuff." "Reality shows have writers?" "Yeah." "You haven't been here long, have you?" "No." "Yeah, well, basically I'm a stay-at-home dad." "My wife's a 9-to-5er, so I get to drive my daughter around to auditions." "How long have you been married?" "Six years." "Together twelve - since high school." "Wow." "High school sweethearts." "Cool." "Or not." "No, no, it's fine." "It's just- we make it work most of the time." "It's fine." "It's just..." "We started our lives so young..." "I think sometimes we both wonder what we missed." "Tell me about it." "No." "You tell me about it." "I told you my life story, it's only fair." "There's not much to tell." "Oh, come on." "What do you do?" "You go to work?" "College?" "Pretty much just look after my brother." "All the time?" "Yep." "What about your parents?" "Um..." "My mom died a couple years ago, and then my dad lost his job." "We lost the house, had to live in our car, and then one day he hands me the keys, says that he's gonna go look for work, and that he'll come find us when..." "When he finds something." "He never came back?" "Still waiting." "It's really- it's not that bad." "Simon keeps me focused." "Okay." "How old are you?" "Twenty-two." "Let me ask you something." "When was the last time you did something you wanted to do?" "Something that I wanted to do?" "Um..." "I'd say you're due." "Could we get the check?" "Well, um, we have 90 minutes before we have to be back." "Anything else you wanna do?" "There's a hotel attached to this restaurant, right?" "I owe you an explanation about Raquel." "She's more than a friend." "Yeah." "Is it over?" "Yeah." "Is she going to tell anyone about our little arrangement?" "No." "I mean, she's a lot of things, but no, she wouldn't do that to me." "Okay." "That's all I need to know." "Are you okay?" "Are you hungry?" "Do you want something to eat?" "No." "I'm fine." "Okay." "My two cents?" "The girl is toxic." "You don't know her." "Just because two people are in love doesn't mean they're right for each other." "Trust me." "I learned that one the hard way." "I know I'm late, Navid." "I-I had a problem with my car, and uh, I'm on the 405 now, so just let them" "Don't bother, they fired you." "What?" "They had to stop production today because of you, claim force majeure." "They tried calling, I tried calling dozens of times." "No." "I know, I had a problem with my phone" "Just tell them I got hung up at a stupid" "It doesn't matter." "They're moving on without you." "Is this a joke?" "Cactibear 2 is firing me?" "It gets worse." "Production's coming after you for what the insurance company had to pay out." "How much is that?" "All totalled?" "A hundred and twenty thousand dollars." "It's okay, go ahead." "Hey." "It's going good." "Long." "They're doing this hands-on classroom thing - six hours." "Yeah, I know." "Thank God for "draw something."" "Yeah, sure, what do you feel like?" "Why don't I just pick up a pizza on the way home?" "That way everybody's happy." "Okay." "All right." "I'll see you in a bit." "Okay." "Bye." "What toppings should we get?" "We should get going." "Yeah." "There we go!" "There we go!" "Wait a minute." "She did all that crappy stuff to you and you still feel bad for her?" "What can I say, I'm a sucker." "You like her." "I do." "I do." "I like her a lot." "You know, even when she's pranking me..." "It's like it's a turn-on - also terrifying." "I really have no idea what she's gonna do at any given moment." "This is pretty lame, huh?" "Me just lying here, talking to you about the girl I like?" "Oh, relax." "You have no idea how many guys pay me to be their shrink." "Lot of lonely people out there, huh?" "Yeah." "But you're not one of them." "You've got a girl back at the office, just waiting to be rescued." "Well, I don't think Sabrina would respond well to being rescued." "Oh!" "Agh!" "Annnnnnd boom goes the dynamite!" "Or you could stay here and listen to my friend Heather pretend to like your boss." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Mmm." "This is really good, Reggie." "Thank you." "Where'd you learn to cook like this?" "You remember that fourth of July grill you had?" "You know, the one where Kal and I, we were playing football and he hit your car by accident?" "My car?" "No, man." "No?" "You don't remember that?" "No." "You pulled him over, and you took a spatula off the grill and you pressed it up against his arm." "Huh?" "You remember that?" "Rook..." "Come on, man." "See, because I remember that." "I'm not proud of the man I was" "Why are you here?" "I can't change the past, son." "I ain't your son." "Hell, he barely your son." "My mom spent more time with Kal than you ever did, a'ight, so talk to me." "Why are you here?" " Rook." " Money?" "Okay." "You came to cash in, okay." "He's here because I asked him to be." "Well, I don't want him here." "See, because my memory ain't as fuzzy as everyone else's." "Who's it gonna be?" "Me or him?" "'Cause I ain't sleeping under the same roof as this fool." "He's stayin, rook." "You gonna choose him over me, after all we've been through?" "!" "I'm not choosing' anybody!" "That's all on you, man." "Oh, it's on me..." "See, I hope your little family reunion works out for you, Kal." "'Cuz you're runnin' out of friends real quick." "Walter." "♪ oh, come on ♪" "♪ lay your halo down ♪" "♪ so angel, lay your halo down ♪" "Hey." "♪ So come on ♪" "♪ lay your halo down" "Hey you." "You okay?" "Yeah." "I'm fine." "What's up?" "I know this is bad timing, but my publicist just gave me a list of potential appearances for us over the next few weeks." "She just needs a yes or no." "Sure." "Okay..." "Celine Dion at Caesars Palace." "That would be a no, right?" "Sure." "Yeah?" "Okay." "I'm throwing my friend a shower at Bouchon this Sunday and they thought you could surprise us with flowers and candy." "I don't know, we'll work out the details." "Honestly, I'm good with anything, just say yes to whatever you like." "Okay." "I'm going to the kitchen." "Do you want something?" "No, no." "I'm okay." "What are you doing?" "!" "Why'd you do this?" "!" "Sorry!" "I'm sorry..." "It's okay." "What happened?" "I'm sorry." "What happened?" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." "Oh my God." "It's okay." "I'm sorry." "It's okay." "Well, I guess this is goodbye." "Dad, come on!" "It's time to go home." "Honey, honey, honey!" "Hey, Beth!" "Look what I made!" "Wow!" "What is it?" "A cellulose molecule." "They showed me which atoms I needed." "Cool." "Oh, hold on." "Hello?" "Yes, this is Rebecca Hollinger, from the Hollinger agency." "Really?" "Great!" "That's great!" "Thank you." "That was the casting director from your "Another Victim" audition yesterday." "You got the part!" "Yes!" "I'd say you had a pretty good day." "Yeah." "What about you?" "Did you have a good day?" "Yeah, I did." "Yo, when you said you wanted to take me someplace," "I thought you meant to eat." "Weren't we just here?" "Look, I didn't mean to turn your life upside down." "That's not why I- don't worry about it." "And I don't want your money." "I know." "I know I don't deserve it, but I just want the chance to get to know you." "The real you." "I don't know if you do..." "I'm not who you think I am." "There's things about me..." "Things that no one knows." "No one." "Do you trust me?" "Man, what're we doing here?" "I'm not down with all this church-business." "I want you to meet someone." "Who?" "Jesus?" "No, I don't think Jesus is scheduled to appear tonight." "All those drugs..." "Those women at your house..." "Are they really what you want?" "No." "They're not." "I didn't think so." "Dawna!" "You want a happy life..." "An honest life..." "You need meet a woman like this." "Hey, Walter." "Dawna, I'd like you to meet my son, Sean." "Hi." "Nobody home." "It's Navid." "I need to talk to you." "Hello." "C'mon in." "You-you want a drink?" "I can't stay long." "Well, that doesn't sound good." "But then again, how can this day get any worse?" "Do you know of an actor by the name of Dale Volker?" "He was in a sitcom in the '90s." "Murphy's lodge." "Yeah." "Yeah, he was the cute one." "Well, until he flamed out, ended up on the d-list - drug and alcohol problems." "Always wondered what happened to him." "He was found dead in his apartment two days ago." "Overdose." "Okay, you don't have to show up here and give me the scared straight lecture." "I'm not here to give you a lecture." "I'm here to tell you Dale Volker was supposed to be on the next season of celebrity halfway house, and now, obviously, there's an opening on the show." "I think you should do it." "I don't have a problem." "I don't care if you have a problem." "Half the people on that show don't have a problem." "I'm not going to ruin my career- it pays a hundred and fifty thousand dollars." "If I do that, it's over." "I'm... officially a joke." "You just got fired off cactibear 2." "If it isn't over, we're definitely in the final act." "I don't believe that." "You have to take this job." "Get out!" "Don't worry, I remembered the animal fries." "So how's it going?" "I honestly can't remember having a better time." "That's why I came back." "Can't let you have all the fun." "You're an idiot." "Do you want my help or not?" "Not." "Too bad." "What have you got so far?" "I like it." "It's simple, elegant." "I am so dehydrated." "Who wants water?" "Hey, listen, about earlier?" "I really, really like you, too." "And I know this is a little bit weird, but just hang in there, okay?" "I need some time to figure this out." "Okay." "Okay?" "Hey!" "No fair!" "You can't start up again without me." "That's good, I like that." "So much pain creating so much funny." "Oh, I'm glad my personal sufferings could be of assistance." "Makes that whole disastrous relationship seem almost worthwhile." "Look, buttercup, your mistake was letting her be the one to dump you." "It's the first rule of relationships:" "Always be the one to call it off." "So, what, you've never been dumped by a guy before?" "Mm-mm." "Seriously?" "Your last relationship, how'd it end?" "He told his girlfriend about me and stole my jokes." "Guy sounds like a real hipster-douchebag." "Yeah." "He was kinda hot though." "In a Harry-Potter- on-a-hunger-strike kind of way." "Admit it, we make a good team." "Too bad this isn't a team sport." "Oh come on, when I got here tonight, you had nothing." "Now you got - what?" " like six pages?" "Prostitutes." "You and Scott went to a whorehouse and got your freak on." "How did you know?" "Oh my God, I was taking a guess." "You went to a whorehouse?" "Nothing happened." "I mean, no, Scott did stuff - a lot of weird stuff." "But I didn't- you couldn't afford it?" "No, I could afford it." "That's not why I didn't have sex with a hooker." "Performance anxiety?" "Shut up." "Make me." "You know this doesn't change anything, right?" "We're still at war." "What, am I an idiot?" "Why do you think I'm trying to distract you from finishing your homework?" "♪ It's looking so free ♪" "♪ what's gonna build a bridge ♪" "♪ what's gonna help me out ♪" "♪ I'm looking for the life ♪" "♪ You hear about ♪" "♪ and I can't seem to feel it ♪" "♪ and I can't seem to taste it ♪" "Hey, it's Connor, leave a message." "♪ But when I think I have it ♪" "♪ I wake up on without it ♪" "♪ no question if I need it ♪" "Navid Cooper." "Rehab show..." "I'll do it." "♪ ...it's on the other side ♪"