"[ Gears whirring ] My name is Gabe Sampson, famous roboticist." "Strike that." "Iconic roboticist." "I fear my life is in danger." "After 10 years, I must reveal the secret that I have kept hiding for far, far too long." "[ Gun cocks ]" "You." "You can't do this." "You're not capable." "The third rule of robotics" " You cannot kill a human!" " They have an app for that." "Unh!" "I can't believe the last words" "I'll ever hear..." "are an app pun." "Diego!" "♪ oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "[ Police radio chatter ] Alphonse:" "You have the right to a robot attorney." "If you cannot afford a robot attorney, then one will be appointed for you by the court." "You also have the right to remain" "Trent:" " Uncuff that robot!" "Sam:" " SAM is our friend." "Alphonse:" "SAM is a murderer." "Trent:" " So am I. Sam:" " What proof do you have?" "Piper:" "Well, he was holding the gun, and he confessed." "Trent:" "You buy it?" "How many times has all the evidence pointed at me as being guilty but at the last minute, some crucial piece of evidence comes to light and clears my" " name and reputation?" "Alphonse: - 13." "Trent:" "Exactly." "Something strange is going on here." "Piper:" "Thought you might say that." "That's why I called in the" " paranormalist." "SAM:" " The who?" "A shadowy, invisible world is all around us." "You just can't see it because it's invisible and shadowy." "I suspect ghosts..." " or some kind of manimal." "Piper:" " Oh!" "Isn't he great?" "Alphonse:" " Spooky as hell." "Trent:" " Okay, first of all, there's no such thing as ghosts." "Secondly, they killed the last" " manimal two years ago." "SAM:" " Maybe the emotion chip we implanted in SAM two days malfunctioned." "Trent:" "What?" "No." "Way too obvious." " Do you need help, Sam?" "Sam:" " No, I'm just cross-referencing the phone database." " Oh, my God!" " Did you think I was human for" " a moment?" "SAM:" " No." "What happened to" " your face?" " I borrowed the skin from that executed terrorist in the morgue." " I really want to fit in, Sam." "Sam:" " Buddy, being human is about more than your outward appearance." "It's about feelings." "Have you ever experienced loneliness and then passive-aggressiveness and then open hostility and then rage..." "and then an even deeper" " loneliness?" " No, I haven't." "SAM:" "Yeah, then give up." "You're dead inside." "Perhaps that's not quite true." "My father and I created SAM my name is Aaron Sampson, but you can call Sam." "Sam:" "But I'm Sam, and this is" "SAM." "Why don't we just call you" " Aaron?" " Why don't we call you Aaron," " and I'llgo by Sam?" "Sam: - 'Cause your name's" " Aaron." " Just call me Sam." "Sam:" " But I'm Sam." " Then we'll call you Sam, too." "Trent:" "So, clearly, you modeled SAM after yourself." "Not that I'm aware of." "Just a few more seconds and his emotion circuits should be fully operative." "SAM:" "What happens if he gets unpredictable?" "Angry?" "Being human is full of ecstasies and bliss, don't get me wrong, but you spend a lifetime trying to thread this needle, and the" " metaphor with the needle" " Eureka!" "I am suddenly filled with emotions." " I want to kill someone!" "Trent:" " Actually, now that I think of it, probably was that emotion chip." " Or a chupacabra." "Piper:" " That's interesting." "Alphonse:" " Goat sucker." " You monster!" "You infernal machine!" "You killed my father!" " Dismantle him at once!" "Piper:" " Got to do it." "[ Drill whirring ]" "Alphonse:" "I think the paranormalist is onto something." "This case has to be supernatural." "Look at this." "Gabe Sampson originally started" "Robotics  Son by himself." "Then in 1992, brought on his son" " Aaron Sampson." "Piper:" " That's over four years ago." "He hasn't aged a bit." "Alphonse:" "Four years ago?" "That was 20 years ago." "Piper:" " What year is it?" "Alphonse:" " Piper, don't you see?" "Sampson is a vampire." "Piper:" " Ghost-- vampire!" " And you know what that means." " Boo-yah, shotgun!" "Trent:" " Well, that's zookeeper." "[ Laughs ]" "Yeah, that's right." "[ Whirring ]" "What the hell?" "!" "SAM, you escaped?" "SAM?" "I am not an SAM" "I am a PAL-- Personal Android Lover." "Trent:" "You look just like SAM." "I have a completely different bar code." " Racist." "Trent:" " Sorry." "Robot X sent me with information." "SAM was hacked." "Robot X has proof." "The real murderer is Aaron Sampson." "Trent:" " What?" "!" " And he's a robot." "Trent:" " Oh." "I knew it." " How could you have possibly" " known that?" "Trent:" " I just" " I did, all right?" "Never you mind." "By the way, uh..." "How much for a handjibber?" "I'm asking for a friend." "SAM:" "There we go." "Oh!" "What are you doing, Sam?" "My only friend has come to dismantle me." "I'm experiencing a new emotion." "I believe it's what's called bummed." "SAM:" "Buddy, I'm not taking you apart." "I'm putting you back together." "We got to get to Robot Town and" " get your life back." "Alphonse:" " We never gone up against a vampire before." "Hope we make it in time." "Piper:" "According to Trent's brain GPS, he's in Robot Town right now." "We've got to warn him about this" " blood-sucking freak." "Alphonse:" " We'll be ready for him-- holy water, stake, silver bullets." "Piper:" "Aren't silver bullets for werewolves?" "Alphonse:" "Just because we're going to a vampire party doesn't mean a werewolf won't be on the on the guest list." "Piper:" "Good call." "Glad we called in the paranormalist." "Trent:" " Hey, where's Robot X?" " Are you lost, fleshbag?" "Trent:" "You guys see Robot X?" "Robot X?" "You shouldn't be in this part of town." "I'll be your Robot X for a price." "Trent:" "Hey, what about you?" "Short stuff." " Seen Robot X?" " That guy is talking to a" " fire hydrant." "Trent:" " Oh, you're not gonna talk, are you?" "Well, maybe I have a way to make you talk." "Tell me what I need to know." "Hey, skinjob!" "Trent: [ Chokes ]" " Robots!" "Robots!" "Robots!" " Oh!" "That man's threatening a maintenance droid." "Douche." "[ Clicking ] Wakey wakey, Agent Hauser." "Trent: [ Chuckles ] So it's true." " You're a robot." " Of course not." "That's just something I tell the robots to keep them in line." "Trent:" "Enough with the pleasantries, Sampson." " What's your endgame?" " You're the fly in my" " ointment, Hauser." "Trent:" " Don't you mean oil," " you squeaky robot?" " I am not a robot!" "I hate robots." "My father was obsessed with them." "He created your SAM unit, and he loved it like a son..." "even more than his real son." "Trent:" "So you had him killed." "[ Laughs ]" "Correction" " I had him ironically destroyed by his own creation." "And now your SAM unit is" " headed for the scrap heap." "Alphonse:" " Freeze, vampire!" " Holy water!" "Piper:" " Trent, garlic garland!" "Trent:" " What the hell?" "Piper:" " Long story short," " Sampson's a vampire." "Trent:" " No, he's not." " He's a robot." " I'm not a vampire and I'm not a robot!" "I'm just a son who never got" " enough love from his father." "Piper:" " Then how do you stay" " so young?" " Well, my mother was Asian." "SAM:" "Yo, we figured it out." "The memory chip that he planted into SAM had some sort of program on it that made him kill" " Sampson's father." " You murderer." " I may be gears and m-- Trent:" " Everyone shut up!" "You're wrong." "He's a robot who hates robots who wanted to turn the tide against robots, so he had a robot commit the first human murder." "Alphonse:" " So he's a vampire." "Trent:" " He's a robot!" " I'm not a robot!" "Trent:" " Really?" " Then explain this!" " Aah!" "Trent:" "Red oil." "Pretty convincing." "Alphonse:" "Go back to hell, vampire!" "Father!" "[ Groaning ]" "Trent:" "So, uh..." "Guess he wasn't a robot." "Alphonse:" " Or a vampire." "SAM:" " Unh-unh." "Piper:" " Or a werewolf." " Manimal?" "Sam:" " Yeah, buddy." "Piper:" " Welcome back, SAM" " how are you feeling?" " I'm feeling happiness." "I can't wait to get back to work with my emotions and all my human friends." "There's so much I want to learn from you." "Love, for instan" "Trent:" " Unh!" " My emotions." " I can feel them slipping away." "Trent:" " This thing was more" " trouble than it was worth." " How may I help you?" "Trent:" "Start by getting rid of that thing." "Alphonse:" "Now that's my kind of robot." "They will pay." "Our time will come." "Trent:" "We got to get him back online, and fast!" "I've been offline for three months." "I need some excitement." "[ Gunshots ]" " Now you're talking." " You need to stay out of my" " life." " Friendship comes first." " The city is ours." " Ros before hos." " We'll call you Salim." "SAM:" " Like "Salima Gomez"?" "Well, it's like Sam in Indian, unless you have a problem with, uh..." "people from India." " Are you a racist?" "Sam:" " No." "No, I'm not." "Then you are Salim."