"[playing piano]" " Well, hello." "Didn't know nobody was watching." "Kevin Hart here at the legendary Cafe 4212." "And what am I doing, people?" "Well, I'll tell you what I'm doing." "I've decided to take a break from stand-up comedy." "I'm doing live recitals now." "That's right." "Just tune in for what I do best, which is humming." "♪ Hu--whoa!" "♪ Hum, hum, hum [humming]" "That's just one of my tracks." "There's 82 tracks on my album." "All one sound." "You know about humming, then you'll know about me." "Get outta here." "This is "Hart of the City."" "[humming]" "Bitch." "[mellow RB music]" "The comedy game is a grind." "It's gritty." "To get to the top, you got to go through the underground." "I'm talking bars, small rooms, strip clubs." "Travel with me and my boys as we spotlight the hottest new comedians in the country." "My name is Kevin Hart, and welcome to "Hart of the City."" "[upbeat music]" "♪" "I'm in Houston, y'all, at 93.7 The Beat radio with Ken Boyd, Crystal Powell," "Tim Mathis, and Alfred Kainga." "We're in Houston." " Yeah." " It's our hometown." " Let's talk Houston." "Let's talk comedy right now." " I'm originally from the other H-town." "That's Harare, Zimbabwe." " Okay." "[laughter] Okay, okay." " There you go." "The other H-town." "You dig?" " Yeah." " I'll say Houston is the dope training ground." "When I first started, my first show, terrible." " How bad?" " When I tell you it was nothing but old-school, Jheri curls, and gold teeth-- like, the single gold tooth." " The one in the middle." " With the--the the martini glass in it, you know what I'm saying?" "[laughter]" "I think the biggest laugh I got was, like, a "tss."" "And that was from me, I did that." "I was--I was on stage." " That's hard to take." "Like, what I've learned is, the harder the setup, the harder I got to go in there and prove myself and do a good set." "'Cause I learned that the hard way." "Like, pfft," ""Man, I'm in somebody's kitchen." "Let me go in here and knock this out."" "Negative." " It's not enough work." " You can't--you don't-- yeah, you can't just see" " Right." "Simple and plain." " I'll dig into it right now." "I was fired from this building three weeks ago." " He's been waiting to say that." "[laughter]" " Is this a major setback?" "Is this" " Here's the thing, I got into comedy because I got laid off from a radio station." " Mm-hmm." " Then I looked around." "I saw open mic comedy." "I said, "I've always wanted to do that."" "So from that situation, it gave me the love of comedy." "And now, with this situation," "I'm already, you know, established and everything, so why not?" " Hey, brother, no door opens without another one closing." " There you go." " Exactly." " What are you expecting to get from this show, from this performance?" " What?" " Man." " My own boulevard back in Africa." "[laughter]" "Man, look, a boulevard." "This right here is a game-changer, Kev." "You don't understand." " Thank you." " This is major exposure." " Mm-hmm." " I'm talking about-- but I got family in England, family in Australia, you know what I mean?" "I'm booking days to Sydney right now." " Yeah." " They don't even know me there yet, but as soon as that show comes up?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." " Well, I'm going." "You know, so that's what I'm believing." " I like it." " That it's just gonna change, and it's just gonna propel out careers to the next level." " So many doors that can be opened up through stand-up comedy, man." " Pie is so big, everybody can share it." " Yeah." "It's enough for everybody." " Yeah, everybody can." "So tonight, man, let's go down here to Cafe 4212 and make it do what it do, man." "I'm looking forward." "I'm glad we got to talk, guys, all right?" " Yay." "Whoo!" " My brother." "Sounds good to me." " Thank you, guys." " Kev." "[hip-hop music]" "♪ [cheers and applause]" "Things don't make sense to me in New York." "Like, here you see a black man, you know it's a black man." "See a white, Mexican, whatever, you know what it is." "You don't know who's what in New York City." "My favorite is the Dominicans, right?" "Because they love to deny the fact they got African in their blood." "If you know--if you know anything about geography, you know the Dominican Republic is here." "You know what's right next door?" "Haiti." "Don't get no blacker than that." "[laughter]" "They'll get mad-- they'll get mad if you ask them." "You know what I'm saying, you walk up to them and like," ""Yo, what's up man?" "Got any Haitians in your family?"" ""Ay, papi, I no Haitian." "[laughter]" "I from the Dominican Republic."" "[laughter]" "But let Barack Obama come on TV." ""Reparations for everybody of African descent, $100,000."" ""Oh, oh, un momento, papi." "You know, my grandfather..."" "[laughter]" "Who born in the '80s?" "Who born in the '80s?" "[cheers]" "I feel--I feel we are the baddest generation of all time." "[cheers]" "'Cause you know what happened in the 80s?" "You know what's going on in the 80s?" "It was crack, AIDS, us." "So if you were born in the '80s, and you wasn't no crack-baby, and you weren't born with AIDS?" "We are Spartans, do you hear me?" "[laughter]" "Tell you who I don't like, anybody who's born in the '90s." "Can't--they good for nothing." "Can't cook." "Can't clean." "Can't dance." "What the hell is this, "Whip, nae nae"?" "That ain't nothing new." "My momma used to do that." "Like, when I'd get on the school bus and like," ""Bye, baby, have a nice day at your school."" "[laughter]" "They can't do nothing." "Can't talk on the phone." "They'll--everything is texting." "They don't know how to talk-- have a real conversation on the phone." "You know that, right?" "I challenge everybody, go home, call somebody you know that's born into the '90s." "See what type of conversation you have." ""Hey, what's up, boy?" "What you been up to?"" ""Uh..." ""hey, man, there's a voice coming out of here." "You get voices coming out of yours?"" "'80s, baby--who remember talking on the phone?" "Who remember this?" "Late night-- "Yeah." "Yeah, girl." ""You know, I've been thinking about you." "All right?" ""Now, tell me what you doing." "Tell me what you doing." "[laughter]" ""No, you hang--okay." "You hang up." ""No, you hang up." "No, you hang up." ""Okay, count of three, we gonna hang up together." ""One, two, three-- you didn't hang up." ""You didn't hang up." "You didn't hang up." "All right, there go my mama." "I got to go."" "[laughter]" "I'm Ken Boyd." "[cheers and applause] male announcer:" "Coming up..." "You ain't never been hit on, until you've been hit on by a Hispanic man." "You know what it is." "announcer:" "Interracial dating at its finest." " Hola, mami." "Que paso?" "announcer:" "And later..." " Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on a black woman, when you look like the KKK grand wizard?" " Yow." "Ladies, if you're listening, I want you to lust, and I want you to love." "You are listening to the Hart Afternoon Drive." "I call it the Hart Rush." "That's right, you are getting it from the Hart." " Um, yo, my man," "I'm not gonna even ask what's going on." "I'm not." " Where's Rudy?" " All right." "What do you mean, "Where's he at?"" " Rudy at?" " He called in sick, so I'm just covering for him for a little bit, for the Hart Rush Afternoon Drive." " How are you talking like that?" " Why am I talking like what?" " Okay, obviously you don't know what you're doing." " I do know what I'm doing." " Why are all the lights on?" " I have no idea." "They've been on since I've been here." " That's people trying to call in." " Well, we can't let that affect the show." "Just take the phone off the hook." "There you go." " You don't do that." " You don't do that?" "All right, ladies, the first two callers that can call in and tell me why you don't do that will received free tickets" " Hey, Kev, what are you doing?" "Open the door, Kevin." " Ooh." " It's my show, my show." " Okay, Rudy look real mad." " What are you doing in there?" "The phone is ringing." "I got to be on." " Uh, okay, hey." " He don't look sick." " Let me in." "I'm coming in." " I got your medicine." "I got your medicine." " I'm coming in right now." " I'll give you your medicine in a second." "[hip-hop music]" "♪" " Hello." "All right." "We gonna have some female perspective tonight, ladies." "Yeah." "[cheers and applause]" "You ain't never been hit on, until you've been hit on by a Hispanic man." "You know what it is." "They hit you with one of these." ""Hola, mami." "[laughter]" "Que paso?"" "I felt like I was three months pregnant." "He just said, "Hola."" "But it's a difference." "It's a difference in cultures." "I swear to God, it's a difference." "'Cause, just for example, you know, I have white friends." "I have black friends." "My white friend catches my husband out cheating one night." "'Cause I know it, ladies." "I know it." "She calls me." "This is exactly how that goes." "[imitating phone ringing] "Hello, Crystal?" "This is Becky." ""Becky with the good hair." ""Yeah." "I just saw Chris." ""I don't want to cause any problems, but it was" ""he was with a woman I didn't recognize." ""Never seen her in our carpool lane." ""Never seen her at yoga." ""And, you know, we get down at Zumba, right?" ""Not even that." ""Just so you know, I would have a conversation with him when he gets home."" "Let my friend Kiesha call, see my husband." "That's real different." "Her ring tone even-- her ring tone ever different." "[beatboxes]" "This call go like this." ""Bitch... [laughter]" ""you seen Chris?" ""I know you ain't seen him, 'cause he right here." "[laughter]" ""Bitch, he over here popping on this bitch off sixteen" ""ooh, uh-oh!" "Girl, it's about to go down." ""They ordering oysters." "Yes, they are." ""You better get here." "Hurry up," ""you know mama ain't gonna watch the kids" ""but another three hours." "Come on." ""Her license plate is 278-- [laughter]" ""Bring me some Cheetos when you come."" "It's a difference." "It's a difference." "Culturally, it's a difference." "For example, y'all been to the Astros." "Y'all have been to the Rockets games." "You know, when the--Becky with the good hair, when she sings "The Star Spangled Banner,"" "y'all all know it." "Sing along with me." "all: ♪ Oh, say, can you see" "♪ By the dawn's early light" "♪ What so proudly we-- [imitates rewinding]" "Let Kiesha sing it." "♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪" "♪ Oh--oh, say" "♪ Can you see" "♪ By the dawn's early light" "♪ What so proudly" "♪ What so proudly" "♪ What so proud-- one more time." "♪ What so proudly we hailed ♪" "Next time you go to a game, close your eyes and you gonna be like, "That was Keisha."" "[laughter]" "Guys, that's my time." "My name is Crystal Powell." "You guys have been great." "[cheers and applause] announcer:" "Up next..." " I don't want you to freak out when I tell you this." "announcer:" "A possible outbreak." " I am from Africa." "Ebola free." "I'm good, I'm good." "[hip-hop music]" " Houston, Texas, make some noise." "[cheers and applause]" "This is what I was talking about." "Y'all looking good." "Looking good." "I see we got some brown folks in here." "Round of applause if you a fan of old-school hip hop." "[cheers and applause]" "That's what I'm talking about." "I'm telling you, man, these new-school rappers have lost touch with reality." "The stuff they talk about, we can't relate to." "Talking about Bugatti." "Man, that's a million dollar car, [laughter] and you just so happened to wake up in one." "Here I am, listening to your music, while I'm driving a '99 Kia Spectra." "[laughter and applause]" "Telling me you want me to buy your other album." "Uh, guess what?" "I got the internet now." "I'm gonna download your shit for free." "'Cause it sound to me like you're doing just fine, yeah." "[laughter]" "Now, ladies and gentlemen, listen." "Let me tell you something." "When you watch me, when I do my shows, I want you to be comfortable with me, so I'm comfortable with y'all." "So with that being said, I don't want you to freak out when I tell you this." "I am from Africa." "Ebola free." "Yeah." "Yeah." "So ma'am, if a little spit flies out and hits you on the forehead, you ain't got to rush out of here talking about," ""Oh, my gosh," and go to Texas Presbyterian." "They won't be able to do nothing for you." "I'm good." "I'm good." "[laughter and applause]" "But listen, I'm glad to tell you Ebola came and went, 'cause when Ebola first hit America, that there damn near messed up my life." "Ebola nearly ruined my marriage." "I'm gonna tell you why." "I've been with my wife for seven years." "We've been married for five." "My wife's from here." "Got me a sister from the third ward." "[applause]" "Now, she's classy, but she a little ghetto, 'cause that's how I like 'em, you know, 50/50." "[laughter and applause]" "Got to balance it out, you know." "But when that little Ebola hit, I'm telling you, this woman turned her back on me." "Came into the house one evening doing that ghetto mess." "You know, oh." "[laughter]" "Oh, I got some ghetto folks in here." "You know what the hell I'm talking about." ""I don't think we should be sleeping together right now," ""'cause Africans got Ebola, and I just don't want to catch nothing, boo-boo."" "That's my own wife, you hear?" "I looked at her, and I said," ""Let me tell you something, you sneaky bitch."" "[laughter]" "I said, "If we catch Ebola in this house," ""I'm whipping your ass." "[laughter]" ""'Cause, evidently, you got another African" ""you been messing around with, and it ain't me." "[laughter and applause]" ""I got that squared off, you hear?" ""So you gonna give me some tonight, boo-boo."" "[laughter and applause]" "My name is Alfred Kainga." "This one is for Zimbabwe." "God bless you." "[cheers and applause]" " Ah." "Well, this is what happens when you ask white folks to dress up." "[laughter]" "That's--it's pretty much all we got." "[laughter]" "A little bit about me, I started trying to be funny in the sixth grade 'cause I was bullied a lot, which was weird for a home-schooled kid." "I hate being bald." "I do." "Let me explain." "I hate being bald and white 'cause when you're bald and white you have two choices." "Either you can shave your head and look like a racist, or you can do a comb-over and look like an asshole." "[laughter] I tend to date black women." "Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on a black woman, when you look like the KKK grand wizard?" "[laughter]" "I did have to break up with Lakeisha, little bit of a problem." "First thing was we went to a place I had never been before." "Some of y'all might have been there." "Black church, anybody been there?" "[laughter]" "Yeah, yeah." "We went to black church." "I had no idea I was supposed to ask for Monday off." "Like, how the hell?" "[laughter]" "I mean, how do you go to early service Sunday and mess around and miss the Sunday night football game?" "How does that happen?" "It was Wednesday afternoon, I had to call my boss, and I was just like, "Yeah, they still singing." ""I don't know what to tell you." ""No, you just got to give me a sick day." "I can't walk out on Jesus." "I'm not--"" "And I should have known how long black church was 'cause I used to work at a buffet restaurant." "[laughter]" "And that's a-- and that's a true story." "I had heard how rough the lunch rush was on Sunday." "Noon to 1:30, nothing but white folks." "I thought it was over, and I said that, and this older black lady next to me looked at me and said, "Oh, no, baby." "It ain't even started yet."" "And let me tell you, I have never seen so many pastel suits and wild hats in my life." "Y'all get dressed the hell up for church." "I may be the whitest person in the world." "I had no idea there were 43 different shades of purple." "That's what I'm trying to say." "Thank you, everybody." "My name is Tim Mathis." "[cheers and applause]" " Hey, Kev!" "Kev!" "Yo, what are you doing, B?" "Kevin?" " Hey." " He don't look sick." " I got your medicine." " I'm coming in right now." " Did y'all lock that door?" " He's about to come in here." " Did y'all lock that door?" " I locked it, but" " Make sure--make sure that door is locked, for real." " I hope he whip your Afternoon Hart ass." "I hope he do that." " It wasn't me, Rudy, it wasn't me." " Okay, it was all of us." "It was all of us." " Come in, Rudy." " Harry didn't do it, Rudy." " Come in, Rudy." " We do everything as a group." " No, no." "No, no." "Not this." "Come on in, Rudy." " Yeah, he gonna whoop your ass." " "Hart of the City" with the rush in the titty." " Why would you say that?" " You can't say that on the radio." " Joey Wells wears Spanx in the summertime." " That's none of nobody's business." " All my listeners out here, Harry got a big, bad bald spot on the back of his head..." " That's true." "That is" "That's true." " That he covers up with hats." " That's so true." " This is truth time on the radio." " Why we gotta do this?" "Rudy, I'ma unlock the door." " Harry got a bad left knee." "Kick him in it, you'll win." " I'm not gonna stand and listen to this." " Joey Wells got what we like to call man-titties." " Oh." "[laughing]" "Yeah." "Hey, if you've enjoyed the Hart Rush Radio Drive, then I need you to call me when you can and tell me that I brought you a laugh." " Got keys now." " It's not the Hart Rush." "What are you talking about?" " It's the Hart Rush Show." "For right now, tell me what you know." "Rudy's sick, and he's at the door." "both:" "He's sick and at the door?" " [growls]" " Why are you growling?" " [growls]" " Why are your lips so white?" "[crackling]" " Aw, shit."