"I live in the projects, ghetto." "Around here, a lot of drugs and gangs and stuff like that." "I try to stay inside." "It's kinda like a black hole sometimes." "A lot of people here, like, got sucked into the black hole and they're here forever." "Like they were here since, like, little kids and they're still here, on the streets, not up to any good." "So I try not to get sucked in." "Growing up, it was kinda hard sometimes, because it's like, where do I fit in sometimes?" "I'm not around people that like to do the same stuff as me so sometimes, I feel, like, by myself." "And I don't have any brothers or sisters, so it's like, OK, so who do you talk to?" "I just had to find, you know, my own way of expressing myself, you know, when I was sad and stuff like that." "And then with friends, you can't really trust friends because you never know, like, who's gonna just turn on you." "So I just kept everything to myself, and that's why I like creativity." "It means, like, so much to me because that's how I express myself." "Writing, drawing, fashion, music, like makeup, like things like that, it makes me feel better." "Hi, my name's Katie." "I'm 17 and I live in Sydney, Australia." "I'm not the super, super rich, you know, the 1%, but I'm definitely very privileged and very lucky to be where I am." "We have a nice house with a big space." "I've always had more than enough to eat, you know, nearly everything that I need and most of the things I want and..." "Yeah, we're really lucky." "I am very much a nerd." "I love Doctor Who and Sherlock and Veronica Mars, Avatar." "I love reading a lot." "Obviously, I'm a big Harry Potter fan." "Thing I love most about books and stories is escaping into another world." "Yeah, really kind of get taken away from reality, cos sometimes, it can be quite boring and harsh and you just... you need that escapism." "Often the filter between my brain and my mouth doesn't work." "I'll say something that I don't mean, in the heat of the moment, like when I'm angry or when I'm upset and it might get me in a bit of trouble, because although I'm feeling it at the time, I certainly don't mean it." "My school, it's a selective high school so we're all really quite smart" "And, you know, being really nerdy or really out there is just... it's fine, you know, you're allowed to be yourself at my school, which is a really great thing for when you're growing up because," "you know, often you have no idea who you are and who you want to be." "When I started feeling really down about myself" "I didn't tell anyone." "I didn't want anyone in my family to worry about me, so I just really kept it to myself and hoped that it would go away." "It didn't." "What most people don't understand about depression is, first of all, it is an actual physical illness, because there is a chemical imbalance in the brain which means you don't get dopamine and serotonin." "And so, that way, you can't, you know, feel good about yourself, and everything's just a standard flat line." "And the whole kind of thing where, you know, there's a light at the end of the tunnel... there is no light when you're feeling like that." "You're just wandering aimlessly in the darkness forever, you know, and having absolutely no idea where you're going." "So, you just want to sit down and stop." "Something will happen that, you know, in any other situation, you'd be able to just brush it off, like a mark at school that was less than you expected." "You know, oh, this mark means you're not going to do well in the HSC, and then from that, you get, well, if you don't do well in the HSC, you're not going to get into any uni courses." "So you're going to have to be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of your life..." "Why are you even here, you know?" "It's just gonna be pointless and you're just going to keep going on and on and on and you're never going to enjoy yourself." "So, you know, you're a failure, you know, you've already failed, you're worthless." "My friends over the past few years have very much been my lifeline." "Paisley..." "Where to start?" "She's always really fun and charismatic and very sure of herself, and it's really refreshing." "That's the most obnoxious sound ever." "That's the point, so that way you can hear it." "Oh." "She's very much been someone who's always ready to drop anything to help me." "I'll see you later." "See you." "Bye-bye" "Later this afternoon." "I'm coming back for dinner." "Bye." "♪ Just keep your head up Show 'em no attention" "♪ And they start to get fed up... ♪" "I started about junior high school, writing poetry and then one day, I decided to put it to a beat." "And I'm like, "Wow, this actually sounds nice and I'm good at it."" "It comes easy." "Like, I didn't have to try too hard, you know, to make up rhymes." "And really, it was, like, one, two, three." "I can write a song in about 20 minutes or, like, 30 minutes." "All the words just flow, like, in my head." "Nowadays, like, pop, you can rap to pop." "So I figure, why not take over that pop-rap, you know, rop, mix it together?" "Why not take over it, you know, be the princess of the pop-rap?" "But I really like it, because if I'm feeling sad or if I'm really happy," "I would just write a song, you know." "♪ If you look into my eyes" "♪ I can hypnotize your whole mind." "♪ You won't even realise" "♪ Because the power of love" "♪ Love, my love. ♪" "Love Potion is about hypnotizing a boy, like, just making him really like you a lot, by just looking at him, like, not doing much, just like, you know, looking and a little smiling." "♪ Love potion Tell me how it tastes. ♪" "I got the idea from Marilyn Monroe kind of, cos, you know... a damsel in distress." "Like, she doesn't really have to do much and she's, like, ditzy, kind of." "But not so much of the ditzy part, but so much of not having to do a lot to get the boy to like you, like, to woo him in." "So whether it's just, like, your eyes or just your smile or, like, the perfume, like, he's like, "Wow."" "Like, she didn't even have to talk." "Like, I really like her." "♪ Don't try and run away" "♪ It's already too late" "♪ And you gonna be a sad case if you do." "♪ Take a sip of this love potion" "♪ Tell me how it tastes. ♪" "I like to cook." "I love to cook." "I want to have a catering company." "And my favourite things is my fish cakes." "Everyone knows my fish cakes." "I got that recipe from my mother, she got it from her mother." "That's the family secret recipe." "I'll be able to give that to Breani for the future." "My mum is everything, like..." "I wouldn't be here without her." "She got me through a lot." "Like, we argue and stuff like that, but at the end of the day, like, that's my mum." "She's kind of like an angel, like the angel voice that's like..." "Like sometimes, when I'm out with my friends and stuff," "I would think, like, "OK, what would my mum do and what'd she say?"" "OK, if my mum would say no, yeah, I'm not doing that." "Right now, I'm unemployed." "But I see Breani is getting more and more popular, so I'm really looking more into getting into managing her more seriously and marketing her cos I think she will be a great source of income for both of us," "cos she's... she's hungry." "She wants a better life, I want a better life." "I know she will probably never be a doctor or a lawyer because she doesn't like blood." "And I'll admit she know she may not want to, like, read or, like, want to stay in her books all the time, because her mind is going, she's a creative person." "And I know she's gonna do good." "Whether it's rapping, singing, so... when she has so many talents, you know?" "So whatever she likes to do, as long as she's happy doing it," "I'm there for her." "Well, my dad, I don't really know where's he's at." "Like, I never really knew where he lives." "Breani's dad?" "Well, I don't talk about him much." "He's a deadbeat for me now." "My grandfather's like a dad to me." "Like, he taught me about everything that a dad would teach you." "So, like, people say, like, "Daddy's little girl."" "But I'm, like, Grandpa's little girl." "She know that she's my head." "She knows that." "And she knows that she can practically get anything out of me that she want, you know?" "I can't give her what I don't have." "But anything that I have is hers, you know?" "Growing up, he taught me many life lessons, like time management, how to write, how to carry yourself." "Like, just to be, like, you know, respectable and stuff like that." "Where I live, he doesn't want me to, like, fall in the black hole and become, like, this monster." "Hold it." "Hold it!" "I held it, coming here." "Well, people were supposed to already be here, but nobody's here." "So..." "Yeah." "Anything, anything, I don't know." "Whatever you want to wear." "OK." "Yeah, hello?" "Yeah, forget it, don't come." "Because I don't feel like going no more." "Because I don't understand, I told you we had to be here at one." "OK, so everybody should have told me that." "I don't understand." "You should have told me that yesterday because you told me you was gonna be here at one." "Anyway, I don't have to come." "So thanks, anyway." "No, because I just did my nails, so when they're dry." "Well, I'm not going anywhere, so I'm gonna be here all day." "I said I'm not going anywhere." "Cos I'm not going nowhere." "Cos I don't want to go anywhere." "Yeah, you don't have to come no more." "Because I'm tired now." "Alright." "Well, one of my friends is gonna still come." "You give all the information to me." "There was a particular boy and it was just really, really a complicated situation with him." "And the fact that I felt so worthless about myself made everything to do with him just really, really difficult to deal with." "And I'd found out that one of my closest friends, she had slept with this guy." "And she was meant to be my friend and it was just like, you know, how could you do that?" "I don't blame her in any way, shape or form for what I did, because it was my choice." "In the afternoon, I took a bunch of pills and I waited for a while on a really busy road, you know, hoping that I'd have enough courage to step out in front of a car." "But every time, it was just, you know..." "I don't want to step out in front of that person." "That person has a kid in the car, you know, that person looks too nice, you know, that car's going too slow." "I couldn't do it." "When I got home, I was talking to one of my friends, and I didn't tell her exactly what happened and what I'd done but she pretty much figured it out." "And she was talking to Paisley and..." "Paisley rang my home and spoke to my parents." "And so we got a phone call, 10:30, 11 o'clock at night and basically told us what Katie had said on the Net." "And so I went, knocked on her door and just went in, and I didn't even say, "Have you taken anything?"" "I said, "What have you taken and how much have you taken?"" "We told her she was going to hospital whether she liked it or not." "She was very upset at this time and we took her to Concord Hospital." "She ended up on a drip overnight." "I stayed overnight, sitting up with her." "Doug left about three o'clock in the morning." "We were both very, very shocked." "We did not realise how bad she was feeling." "We didn't realise how deep the hole that she'd gotten into was." "Sometimes, dismissing it as adolescent moods is not doing the right thing, because it could be a lot deeper than that." "I tended to focus at the time on what I've got to do to turn around and what are the options." "How do I make sure that I can turn and ensure we get the best outcome from this?" "And that's what I was focused on, for the time." "It's probably that evening, when we got home, we were all at home later, and I think we had a..." "I had a couple of wines, and..." "she saw me cry." "I don't think she's ever seen me cry like that." "I was just sitting on my couch and my dad just burst into tears." "And that is the only time I've ever seen him cry and because it was from something that I had done." "And I know he doesn't blame me." "But I blame me." "And I just can't believe I did that to people." "It's just... when you're feeling that bad about yourself, you honestly believe that you're a burden on people and that what you're doing is a favour to everyone around you." "You know, you feel like they're just going to move on." "Well, I just told her how much I loved her and the thought of losing her..." "And one of the problems with people that are depressed is they don't feel that they..." "or that people don't care for them." "They're worthless, that nobody will matter, nobody will remember them." "And I've subsequently told her a story of a friend of mine who was killed at school when I was 15." "And it was about three weeks ago," "I actually took her and showed her his grave." "And I said, "It's 40 years since he died and he's still remembered."" "Hey, gorgeous." "What are you doing?" "Ba-bang, bang." "Yeah, and people hang out with the football team." "No, football team people are really nice." "Yeah, really nice, I bet." "That's how we go." "So, let's go." "OK." "Wait." "Yeah, that's it, huh." "Waiting." "Ready?" "Go." "I love Instagram because I feel like a picture is worth a thousand words." "Silly faces, guys." "She keeps taking pictures." "Every time I turn around, she's taking pictures." "And she's been doing that for years." "She just likes taking pictures." "But I tell her, "Make sure you're not taking provocative pictures."" "Some of them are sexy, but she knows not to go overboard, like, to show too much skin." "This one is nice." "Oh, look at this one." "Most of the time, I just post my face because there's nobody here to take pictures of my full body." "So, yeah, my face is basically what I post every day." "But when I do take pictures..." "oh, with clothes on, though... of my body, it gets more likes." "I guess, like, the clothes that I wear, people like." "And how I put my outfits together, my style and stuff like that." "I have about, like, 2000 and something followers." "I don't think that's a lot." "I think I should have way more followers, so I'm working on, you know, expanding my followers." "But also Facebook, I still have to go on Facebook, because it's a social network and, you know, publicity and everything, so." "I don't really like to post where I'm at or what I'm doing because I feel like, it's none of your business." "Boys, they always want to go further, like, oh, OK, so she said thank you, so let me ask her where she's from." ""So, where you from?"" "Then they want to have a whole full-on conversation on Instagram." "And, like, I don't want to, you know, have a full conversation." "Like, you gave me a compliment, that was so nice, I appreciate it," "I said thank you." "That's it." "I met my ex-boyfriend on Facebook." "He inboxed me and he said, "Oh, I think you're really beautiful."" "And I'm like, "Thank you."" "After that, you know, we started talking." "And as soon as I, like, seen him, he's like, "Oh, I want you to be my girlfriend."" "I'm like, I just met you in person." "I don't know about that." "So, like, the second time I seen him, that's when I said yes." "And at first, when I got home after that day," "I'm like, "Did I really just do that?"" "Like, yeah, something is wrong with me." "But I'll see how it goes." "I'm young, what's the worst that can happen?" "This is supposed to be fun, right?" "Things were good, and then he started being really overprotective." "Like, I couldn't wear skids and I couldn't wear leggings and I couldn't wear certain shirts." "I couldn't go certain places." "I had to be home by a certain time." "And like on Facebook, like, all he talked about was me, a lot." "At first, I'm like, "Aww, that is so sweet."" ""He talks about me all the time."" "But then, it started getting a little bit creepy, like when he would head-butt the wall and stuff and punch the wall." "That wasn't one time, that was a regular thing." "Cos, like, things I would say, he would get mad about anything." "I was like, OK, I'm gonna leave." "I'm not gonna speak to him anymore, and that's done." "Then, like, two weeks later, you see on Facebook," ""Oh, Breani went from single to back in a relationship."" "Everybody's like, "Oh, my god, you two are so annoying."" "Facebook was in, like, our relationship." "People would inbox me, like, "What's going on with you two?"" "And it's like, "I don't even know you."" "And people would post on my wall," ""You and your boyfriend are so cute."" "But they don't know what goes on behind closed doors." "It was really kind of intense and it's like, I'm 16, and this is really happening to me." "But, you know, you live, you learn." "When I'm walking down the street, I get good looks and bad looks." "And a lot of times, you know, the girls will look, like," ""Oh, yeah, she thinks she's all that."" "And then other girls will be, like, "Wow, you're pretty."" "Every artist has, you know, their song about haters, because they're everywhere." "I know I haven't got my full share of haters yet, but the more that I do, the more successful that I become, and the more I achieve, they kind of come and, you know, try to bring me down." "OK." "♪ Haters are the motivation" "♪ I ain't got time for no confrontations" "♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know how they do" "♪ Always stop and staring when I come through" "♪ Blow them kisses to my haters" "♪ Cos I love all of my haters" "♪ I blow them kisses to my haters" "♪ Then I wave my hand and tell them "See you later"" "♪ Blow them kisses to my haters" "♪ Cos I love all of my haters" "♪ I blow them kisses to my haters" "♪ Then I wave my hand and tell them "See you later." ♪" "As far as, like, Facebook and the internet, before, I did have haters, but they were like... friends that I'm no longer friends with." "You know, they would say like, hateful stuff just to try and bring me down, but I don't think anybody in this world could ever bring me down." "The only person I think that can bring me down is myself." "Yeah." "♪ Cos I love all of my haters" "♪ I blow them kisses to my haters" "♪ Then I wave my hand and tell them "See you later." ♪" "I'm just excited about Breani's song and being in the studio with her." "And I think it's gonna go far." "And I'm going to work on her internet image... managing it, so people's gonna start seeing her more." "I'm gonna put her out there, cos I've been really holding back." "But I'm ready now, and I think she's ready too." "So look out for us." "Cos we coming." "♪ Keep your head up Pay no attention" "♪ They start to get fed up" "♪ I'll come through Oh, so spicy" "♪ You can't trust many Never know who's shiesty" "♪ But I like that boom-boom Makes things go zoom-zoom" "♪ Kinda like a caterpillar in a cocoon-coon" "♪ More than one princess?" "There was no room" "♪ And I'm kicking competition With my pretty pink broom-broom!" "♪" "OK." "OK, break time." "We'll go in that one." "We know that street." "Katie?" "Dinner's just about ready." "No, I finished all..." "Mum, I finished all my classes." "What, what?" "The main way I deal with my depression and anxiety, when I stall to feel really upset or really anxious, is my family." "The first person I always go to is my mum because she's quite a realist." "So, you know, gives me a bit of a metaphorical slap on the face and, yeah, gets me back into the right perspective." "But also, my friends have been super helpful." "They always make me feel so much better about myself, cos they remind me that I am loved and that, you know, I am a good person and all those kind of things." "I'm currently still on anti-depressants to help me with my mood because even though emotionally, a lot of my problems have solved," "I'm still..." "Well, not solved." "They've kind of been pushed away, I guess, or left behind..." "Left behind, they've been left behind." "School is still really intense at the moment, because I'm in my final year and the pressure is becoming ridiculous." "But I'm using them to kind of maintain control and perspective." "Tonight is the formal saying goodbye to Year 12, formal graduation." "Paisley..." "Rock!" "Kate Willison." "Well done, Katie." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "I'm very proud of you, you know that." "Thank you." "It was a really emotionally draining day, my graduation, cos, yeah, everyone was crying, and I'm going to miss everyone." "I'm going to miss my entire year group." "But, you know, I know I'm going to see them again." "And it's just so exciting, after 13 years, to be able to not have that structure and routine and..." "Although, yeah, I still have to do my exams," "I don't have to go there every day and experience, you know, the intensity and the pressure, and I have a lot more freedom." "My goal is to be something, to be something big, to be something extraordinary." "To, you know, be able to change a person's life and know that, you know, a girl from the ghetto or the projects changed her life around from listening to my story." "I mean, that will make me feel like I've done what I have to do." "Like, living where I live and to still have a creative mind and to still, you know, not be ignorant and, you know, not say, well, you know, I'm from the 'hood" "and, yeah, and if you don't like it, then I don't care." "What you want to do about it?" "For me not to have that attitude, for me to be really open-minded, for me to love all kinds of people, being able to rap, then to being able to sell out, like, a concert," "like, everybody like, "Oh, I love you, you changed my life."" "Like, that's what I want to do and that's success." "Well, that's not really success." "It is, in a way, but that's what I want to do." "Captioned by Ai-Media ai-media.tv Luis-subs"