"I don't get it, Kenny." "Why do you buy razors and shavind cream." "[mumbles]" "Shave your balls?" "Why would you shave your balls?" "[mumbles]" "Girls like shaved balls?" "[mumbles]" "What girl is gonna see your balls?" "[mumbles]" "Oh, Jesus, there's another one." "Another penflu band." "Have you guys noticed there's bands like this everywhere you go lately?" "Yeah, I saw like three of those bands down at ... yesterday." "All their crappy music sounds the same." "I'm so sick of hearing this music everywhere I go." "I think Kenny likes it." "I gotta get home for dinner." "Yeah, me too." "God!" "Shut up already." "I'm outta here, see you guys." "Tonight." "The travel channel takes you to London." "London has something for everyone." "Sights, cinema and wonderful street performers." "They're in London too?" "!" "Time for dinner guys." "All right, kids, dig in." "Where's dad?" "He's upstairs videotaping your grandfather in a bathtub." "Why?" "Because ever since you father got that stupid videocamera he thinks he has to film everything the family does." "All right, here we are." "Marsh family gathered for another dinner." "Randy, there's plenty of video of us eating dinner." "There's Shelly!" "Excited about dinner, Shelly?" "Cut it off, dad!" "Oh, look, Stanley's eating a ... Wake to the camera, Stan." "Oh, Jesus Christ!" "Oh, Nido, it's one of those peruvian penflu bands." "Stan, go out and stand with them so I could get a shot." "I would play this card to move Kyle back sever spaces." "Screw you, Kyle." "Eh, all right, your turn, Kenny." "You guys, you guys, check this out." "I saw another peruvian flu band outside my house last night." " So?" " So, so I've just set there and watched them for a while." "Guess how much money they made selling their crappy CDs." " How much?" " Over 200 bucks." " Two hundred dollars?" " Really?" "You sure?" "Yeah, dude." "I'm certain to realize it's like easiest job in the world, you know." "I mean we could do that." " Become a peruvian flu band?" " Yeah, why not?" "We get some instruments and some costumes and then make some crappy penflu music CDs on my computer." "Oh my god!" "We are gonna make so much fucking money you guys." " Yeah!" "Woo -hoo!" "But where we gonna get the money to buy costumes and the instruments?" "Craig, dude, how you're doing, bro?" " Fine." " Cool, awesome." "Am, Craig, remember you were telling us how your grandma gave you a 100 bucks for your birthday?" " Yeah." "Craig, how would you like to turn that $100 into a $1000?" "Come on in, Craig, have a seat." "Welcome." "What do you guys want?" "Craig, we've chosen you to join our peruvian flu band." "All right, Craig!" "You mean like those guys you see at all tourist spots?" "There's a reason they're everywhere, Craig, because they make bank!" "We just need your money to buy some instruments and make some CDs." "And we'll double your money in one afternoon, Craig." "You guys never hang out with me, you never invite me to do stuff but now you want me to be in a band with you because my grandma gave me $100." "Craig, don't be an asshole." "I'll go get the money." "All right, guys, just like we rehearsed." "You ready, Craig?" "All right, let's jam." "And the one, and the two, and the" "Wow, that's such cultural music." "Very cultural, yes." "Por favor, buy our CDs da musica." "Gracias." "How cultural." "This is awesome." "You see, Craig?" "Hey!" "Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey." "Hey you guys cannot play here." "We were here first." "[speaks spanish]" "Not play-a la musica in la promenad." "No es bueno!" "This is our peruvian flu band turf." "You got that?" "God damn it." "No!" "No es bueno!" "C'mon guys." "Jesus Christ!" "[speaks spanish]" "Ladies and gentlemen, our nation and our world is facing and economic and ecological crysis of disasterous proportions." "I'm talking of course about peruvian flute bands." "The red dots indicate where's the highest concentrations of peruvian bands are." "All over the world wherever there are tourists or shoppers there are now on average 65 peruvian flute bands per sq. kilometer." " General?" " France, Japan and the north-eastern US are currently the hardest hit." "Make no mistake." "This is the pan flute epidemic." "A pandemic?" "Three countries in Asia and seven in Europe have already asked for our help in getting rid of their peruvian flute bands." "We will need every resource available to see this through." "Excuse me, but-- Aid other countries?" " Senator?" " With all due respect, we need to be dealing with our own pan flute bands." "Let other countries fend for themself." "You heartless bastard!" "This country was founded in beliefs of freedom and integrity and we will not sit back and do nothing while less fortunate countries are ravaged by peruvian flute bands." "Is that clear?" "As director of homeland security I'm taking control of the military until the crysis is contained." "Go!" "Go!" "Huh!" "Sort you right assholes." "One more over here." "Let's go, get them out." "Clear up, move, this is homeland security operation, people." "Let's go!" "Hey!" "Back off!" "Make sure all pan flute music CDs are contained." "There's Sharon and Shelly." "They're watching some television." "Wave to the camera, Shelly." "What are you watching guys?" " The news." " Huh?" "We're watching the news." "Tht's the TV in our living room still showing commercials right now." "What do you thing about the television, Shelly?" "Ah, the news is starting." "The government efforts to stop the peruvian flute band crysis are now on their third day." "In cities all over the world flute bands are being removed and quarantined." "But more may still be out there." "Homeland security's requesting that if you see a peruvian flute band, do not approach it mark down the flute band's location and do not under any circumstations buy their CDs." "The flute bands that have been contained are being taken to the quarantine area in Miami." "Excuse us, hello?" "Excuse me, sir?" "Sir?" "There's been a misunderstanding." "Can" " Can I talk to you for a minute?" "Sir?" "Sir, can we talk to you for just a second?" "Get back, I'm not buying any of your damned CDs." "No, sir, there's been a big misunderstanding, we actually aren't a peruvian" "I've said I'm not buying any goddamned CDs today, you got that?" "I'm sick of it." "[speaking spanish] [mumbles]" "Hey, Craig, you know that money you grandma gave you for your bithday?" "How would you like to invest in a peruvian flute band?" "You can double your money in one afternoon, c'mon Craig, don't be an asshole." "Attention peruvian flute bands!" "[translates into spanish]" "We appreciate your cooperation and patience." "[translates into spanish]" "Tomorrow you will be boarding ships." "[translates into spanish]" "Which will take you to Guantanamo bay." "[translates into spanish]" "Where you will spend the rest of your lives." "[translates into spanish]" "Guantanamo bay?" "We can't go to the Guantanamo bay!" "Don't worry you guys." "I'm sure our parents are freaking out right now trying to find us." "Please, mr. and mrs." "Tucker, our boys were last seen hanging out with your son Craig." "Do you have any idea where they could have gone?" "No!" "I'm telling you, this isn't like Craig at all." "I'm really worried." "You've checked with the police?" "Nobody knows anything, it's like the boys just wanished." "None of the other kids have seen them since" " Randy, would you put that thing down?" "!" "What is wrong with you?" "Our son is missing!" "Hey, I'm worried about him too, Sharon." "Well then stop being an idiot and help!" "Maybe the boys aren't ran away." "When have your boys upset about anything?" "All we know was they were seen hanging out with Craig and now they're gone." "This exactly why I told Kyle not to hang around that boy." "What is that supposed to mean?" "To be honest, mrs." "Tucker, we think Craig has a bad influence on our boys." "Now wait just a minute!" "I'm just saying that your son has some problems." "Like every kid doesn't have some problems." "Obviously, Craig has gotten them into some kind of problems." "Oh my god!" "Oh, this is good." "Sir, good news!" "Looks like we did it." "Every major city is reporting zero peruvian flute bands." "We've got them all." "Calm down people, we still have work to do." "We have to take out the place this flute bands came from so they never come again." "We don't know where they came from, sir." "We've been researching but we can't figure it out." "Well, think about it idiot." "Where else would peruvian flute bands come from?" " Hmmm" " The country is in the name!" "No, sir." "We checked the entire map, there isn't a coutry named Peruvian anywhere." "Not Peruvian, retards, Peru!" "It's right here." "PE-RU" "Now I want a plan and place to take out Peru once and for all." " Is that really necessary, sir?" "Seems a little extreme." " Yeah." "Peruvian flute bands will never stop annoying us unless they are stopped at the source." "Sir, you better come quick." "One of the panflute bands was trying to escape." "See?" "God damn it!" "The llama brothers, tapas and moodscapes." "This is a mistake, sir." "We aren't really a peruvian flute band." "Right." "You just play panflute music at the mall and sell CDs of you with a lama, but you are not a peruvian flute band." "We" " We just kids, you know." "We just trying to get some money." "We just wanna go home." "[mumbles]" "Which tourist location were they playing at?" "In outdoor mall in Colorado." "Look, we're from Colorado." "We" " We grew up in the US." " We speak english." " And we're white." "Let me talk to you guys out here." " Well, what do you think?" " I don't know what to make of it, sir." "It's like nothing I've ever seen before." "Clearly they are a peruvian flute band and yet they aren't." "They play panflute music like the others but they talk and act like one of us." "I agree." "They obviously some kind of-- hybrid." "A hybrid?" "How was that possible?" "Perhaps a peruvian flute band made it with one of our females, who knows." "Sir, if they are the hybrid we're talking about, then they could be our way of taking out Peru, once and for all." "Do you guys know why nobody else at school likes hanging out with you?" "Because you always do stuff like this." "You always coming up with some stupid idea to do something and then it backfires and then you end up in some foreign country or outer space or something." "That's why noone likes hanging out with you guys." "You're being extremely negative, Craig." "All right, here's the deal." "Maybe you are on our side and maybe you aren't, but if you help us, we'll get you home." "Help you how?" "You're able to walk amongst the peruvian flute bands, they see you as one of them." "We're going to send you to their capital." "Can we please just go home, sir?" "We still don't know whose side you're on." "You do this and we'll know." "You leave for Peru in the morning." "No, no, I'm not going to Peru, not Peru!" " Kyle, calm down." " You know, I can't go there, Stan!" "One of our friends was raped in Peru, it was very dramatic." "You don't have a choice." "Either you go to Peru or you get up locked forever with the other flute bands." "Thompson, can you get over there?" "The flute band players won't shut up about something and I can't understand them." "[speaks spanish]" "They're saying something "You can't send us away, we're the protectors"" "Protectors from what?" "[speaks spanish]" " What's that mean?" " I think he's said "The Furry Death"" "[speaks spanish]" "This is CNN" "Last of peruvian flute band have successfuly been eradicated from every part of the world." "Paul Harris is at the shopping promenade and" " Paul?" "Pretty nice not have any peruvian music I suspect?" "Really welcome silence, Tom." "There hasn't been a peruvian panflute band in sight for days now and everyone's enjoying the peace." "The world breathe a collective relief now as we thank" "What the" "Oh my god-- Jesus" " AAAARGH" "There's" " There's something else here, it's-- it's not a peruvian flute band, it's like" "Oh my god, what is that thing?" " Paul, what do you see?" " It's furry, it's really furry(?" ")!" "Okay, obviously something different has shown up" "Did he said furry?" "Okay." "We're" " We're experiencing some" "Oh my god, what is that thing?" "All right, we're about 800 kilometers from Peru." "There'll be a truck to take you inside the border while you'll be briefed on mission specifics." "Was there ever a moment when you guys first came up with the genius plan to become a peruvian flute band that any of you said "Hey, you know, this plan may backfire"" "No, that never accused to you, because you guys are jerks and you never learn from your mistakes." "And that's why everyone at school thinks you guys are assholes." "That's not true, kids at school like us, don't they?" "Yeah, dude." "Kids at school totally like us, Craig just being a dick because we're having a tough time right now." " I'm being a dick?" " Yes!" "You guys took my birthday money, got me arrested and sent to Miami with no way home except to take down the country of Peru." "And I'm being a dick?" "Let's no talking to this guy." "All right, fine, Craig." "When we get back home, we'll get you your money back and will never talk to you again." "How's that?" "That would be great." "Thank you." "This is wrong." "This just doesn't make any sense." "Why would homeland security send us into Peru?" "[mumbles]" "I don't know, it just feels like-- there's got to be something else going on here." "Please, I don't know where else to turn." "The police haven't been any help." "I think our boys might really be in trouble this time." "Yes." "Yes, please, check and call me right back." "Thank you." "Randy, I swear to god, if you don't put that thing away" "Sharon, you goona be really glad I have all this footage of the family some day." "I mean it, Randy." "That's enough." "You don't have to videotape every single" "What the hell was that?" " Oh my god." " Something's going on outside." "Stay here." " What's going on, dad?" " Get back to your room, Shelly." " What's going on?" " They are all over the place." " What are?" " The really furry(?" ")." "What did that?" "What is that thing?" "Mr. Marsh you have to move, it isn't safe to be" "Oh my god!" "Go-go-go, go back the other way!" "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god!" "I'm so-- startled." "Sir, we've got a bigger problem." "Oh?" "And what might that be?" "New reports are coming in from cities all over the world." "Word of massive destruction of what appear to be" "Kenny(?" ") pigs?" "Yes sir!" "How did you know?" "You were so close to figuring it all out, Davies." "Did you know that?" " Sir?" " I've really thought you got me in Miami." "But you just couldn't quite put the pieces together." "You" " You knew this was going to happen." "Oh, this is only the beginning, Davies." "And I can't let you interfere." "Sorry my friend, but I've worked too hard to make all this happen." "The panflute bands are on their way to their deaths, the kenny pigs arising and the only person who could have stop all this is on his way to the middle of nowhere."