""Flash!" "The freighter, Star of Capetown," ""was sunk today off the north coast of Africa..." ""by a mysterious explosion." ""All hands accounted for with the exception of... two unidentified stowaways."" "Look at us." "Two on a raft, sunny side up." ""I'll tell you how to get home." "We'll stow away," you said." ""No, sir," I said." ""Don't be a sap," you said." ""We're stowing away, and that's that," you said." ""No, sir." Yak-yak-yak." "What a brilliant conversationalist you are!" "I took one look at that crate and knew it would blow up in our faces." "Wait till they find out who was smokin' in the powder room." "Never mind that." "Look at us" "Food gone, water gone." "What's that bulge in your pocket?" "Oh, that's-- Yeah, that." "That's an old tobacco pouch." "When did you start smokin' a pipe?" "Ever since this morning, cigarettes make me nervous." "You went to the store and got tobacco?" "You notice" "That's clever." "Come on, dig." "Hand it over here." "Let's see, reach." "Ohhh!" "I forgot." "Surprised?" "I figure two of'em for one of us is better... than one of'em for two of us." "You can spit your teeth in there." "Just dunk it lightly." "Well,Junior, we gotta face it." "We may be days and days without seeing a ship or land." "We're gonna get mighty hungry." " What do you mean, get hungry?" " We'll toss a coin." "What's the date?" "Hea-- 1910!" "Pretty close..." "1911 ." "That's the way it goes-- somebody loses, somebody wins." "So you win the nickel!" "See if you can find any white meat on that buffalo." "I got a T.L. for you." "We tossed for something much deeper than that." "I remember a story about two fellows like us, castaways." "They tossed a coin, too." "Uh-huh." "They figured there's no use both of them starving." "Naturally." "The fellow who survived used to tell his grandchildren about his pal's sacrifice." "That's very-- Wait a minute." "What pal's sacrifice?" "I don't know, though." "You should've eaten more oatmeal." "You're kind of scrawny." "I don't think you'd do me more than a week, and there's no icebox aboard." "Jeff, you're losing your buttons." "You mean, you'd eat me, without vegetables?" "Calm down,Junior." "I'm not gonna do anything right away." "I might not do anything for a week." "Not until I get desperate." "You wouldn't like me." "Once I bit my tongue and I tasted awful." "Help!" "Jeff, don't-- Turkey, look!" "Am I seeing things?" "What?" "What is that over there?" "Land!" "Land!" "We're saved!" "We're saved!" "Yo-ho!" "Yo-ho!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "A submarine!" "Man the pumps!" "Man the pumps!" "Last stop!" "Got a stone in my shoe." "Wait a minute!" "I hope Aunt Lucy's lookin' down... and seein' the way you're treating me." "You gonna stuff Aunt Lucy down my throat again?" "Never mind." "She saw you tossin' the coin and lickin' your chops." "You're certainly sloughing off your promise to her." "Aunt Lucy..." "I can see her now lying on her dying bed... lookin' at you with those big, trusting eyes." ""Before I go,Jeff, promise me one thing," she said." ""Promise me you'll always be a friend to little Orville." ""No matter what happens, you'll never leave the little jerk." "Promise me,Jeff." "Promise me," she said." "Then she up and died before I had a chance to say no." "Shh!" "Who you shushing?" "What's the matter?" "I hope she didn't hear." "The dead have a way of comin' back." "When they're dead, they're dead." "Not Aunt Lucy." "She was a Republican." "Okay,Junior, I'm sorry." "I guess I shouldn't have said that." "You know how I feel about ya." "I guess in my own way I sorta love you." "All right, but you don't have to slobber all over me." "I guess I kinda love you, too." "Now wait a minute." "Stop kissing me." "What are you talkin' about?" "I didn't-- You did too!" "Are you crazy?" "I don't mind being kissed... but this is ridiculous." "You did it again." "I did not." "You didn't?" "No." "I felt something..." "like a wet paint brush." "You did?" "I did too." "I thought it was you." "And I thought it was you." "You see!" "Aunt Lucy's come back." "You did it with all that disrespectful talk." "Aunt Lucy!" "What's that?" "What's the matter?" "You yellow?" "It's only a kangaroo." "What're you gettin' scared for?" "Yeah." "Let's take a ride." "This is probably" "Good girl." "Good girl." "We got enough gas?" "I got her carburetor cut down to nothin'." "Where do you suppose we are?" "This must be the place where they empty all the old hourglasses." "I think this is what's left after I clean my spinach." "Hey, look!" "They could've thought of another way to get us here." "Here we go again." "Beats the bus, huh?" "Beats me." "# How can we be sure #" "# I'll lay you 8 to 5 that we meet Dorothy Lamour #" "# Off on the road to Morocco #" "# Hang on till the end of the line #" "# I hear this country's where they do #" "#The dance of the seven veils #" "#We'd tell you more but we would have #" "#The censor on our tails #" "#We certainly do get around-ound-ound #" "# Like Webster's dictionary #" "#We're Morocco bound #" "#We're off on the road to Morocco #" "Look out!" "Clear the way!" "'Cause here we come." "#The men eat fire sleep on nails #" "#And saw their wives in half #" "# It seems to me there should be easier ways to get a laugh #" "#We're off on the road to Morocco #" "#And somewhere I feel kind of numb #" "# For any villains we may meet we haven't any fear #" "# Paramount will protect us 'cause we're signed for five more years #" "#We certainly do get around #" "Like a set of Shakespeare you buy in the drugstore for $1 .98." "#We're Morocco bound #" "Or like a volume of Omar Khayyam that you buy at Christmastime... for your cousin Julia." "#We're Morocco bound ##" "##" "Wonder if you can get a handout in this burg?" "I'm starved." "If that guy wasn't lookin', I'd eat a rug." "Plain?" "Orville, where are you?" "Over here behind these goose pimples." "Reckon there's been some sort of shooting' ruckus at the Buckeye Saloon." "I ain't a-lookin' for trouble, partner, but if trouble... comes a-lookin' for me, I'm gonna be mighty hard to find." "Say, fuzzy, who is that headstrong, impetuous boy?" "He is Mullay Kassim, the desert sheik." "What'd he come to town for?" "A manicure?" "He loves the Princess Shalmar of Karameesh." "He has come to ask her to marry him." "I'd hate to be around when he comes for a divorce!" "You short of blades?" "It's a strange country, Buster." "Yeah." "Well, not too strange." "It's food we're after." "That's what I say..." "food." "Yes." "Remember?" "Food." "No thanks, we ate four days ago." "I wish I had my drool cup with me." "Oooh!" "Ahhh!" "Allah be praised." "Allah be praised." "Ohhh!" "Ahhh!" "Oooh!" "Ahhh!" "Allah be praised." "What is this?" "Free cold cuts!" "What are we waiting for?" "Shangri-La." "Allah be praised, brother." "We'll get loaded." "This is living!" "The other fellow did it." "Why can't he?" "Allah has seen fit to dim the light of his wisdom." "To us, such unfortunate ones are sacred." "Oh." "I don't think that's-- Shh!" "What are you lookin' at me like that for?" "From now on, you're sacred." "What do you mean?" "You just became a full-blooded American idiot." "You do it." "Who's gonna believe I'm an idiot?" "Look at the head start you got!" "Go into a shop, put on that look, and talk like this." "I'll take some of those, some of these and some of those." "Let me have that slow." "I'll take some of these... and give me a few-ew of them there" "You feel all right, Daddy?" "Let me hear you do it." "I'll take some of those and some of those" "The first shop we go into... the guy'll load us up and throw in his daughter." "His daughter?" "I'll take some of" "I'll take some of those." "Don't over-train." "What can I do for you, gentlemen?" "Tell him, Junior." "I want some of those and some of those" "You making fun of me?" "No, I always talk like this." "You do, huh?" "Why do you?" "I'm an idiot." "I'm sacred." "You're saying I'm an idiot?" "If you think you're an idiot I'm not gonna argue" "What's that?" "Okay, I'll take some of those... and some of those, and those" "[ Lisping ] Well, what do ya think of that?" "[ Lisp Gone ] How do you like that?" "Jeff,Jeff." "Mother told me there'd be moments like this." "I wonder how she knew?" "[Jeff] Where've you been?" "I've been lookin' everywhere for you." "Do it some more." "What's the matter with you?" "Kiss it again." "What'd the guy hit you with?" "A piano?" "Come on." "Snap out of it." "It's a strange country." "A minute ago she came along in a gold box, fellows carrying it with sticks." "She took my hand, kissed my fingertips, my knuckles, my wrist." "My toes are still braided." "It was wonderful." "Do it some more." "Come on, now." "You're delirious." "You need something in your stomach." "You'll be all right." "Come on." "Here we go." "[ Yelling In Arabic ]" "How do you figure on paying for all this?" "Scared?" "You got red blood, ain't ya?" "But I don't wanna get it all over strangers." "Eat up." "Eat up." "I'll think of something." "They got knives." "They'll try to get the food back the hard way." "You have already eaten to the amount of 230 kolacs." "You have money to pay, yes?" "We'll pay... when we're through eating'." "Put it on separate checks." "Bring us a couple more portions of jellied turtle eggs." "And the turtle that laid them." "Bring her in." "And spread a lot of pixie dust, double layer." "You have already eaten six portions." "Can we help it if we're turtle-egg fiends?" "First chance we get we better dash for the nearest exit." "How about that guy's knife?" "We're gonna look silly... stumbling out of here on a set of stumps." "Have a nutburger and forget about it." "I can hardly wait for dessert." "What are we having?" "What do you usually tip?" "1 0 percent?" "Let's not spoil him." "Go ahead, Buster." "Blubber wants to talk to ya." "I'd better go, huh?" "If he gets tough, don't worry." "I'll be right here... under the table." "Buy a rug for me." "Ho-hum." "Ho-ho-hum." "Garcon!" "Who is that?" "The local bookmaker?" "Here's 287 kolacs for the little snack... and 5 for you." "Get yourself a facial." "Come, come." "Let Orville in on this deal." "How'd you get the spinach?" "Funny thing." "A guy I've never seen... gives me 2,500 kolacs..." "that's 200 federal diplomas." "Are you listening?" "200 skins?" "What for?" "I sold him something." "You've got nothing." "We've already hocked your pivot tooth." "It wasn't much but it was all I had, and was he anxious to get it." "What did you sell him?" "Look, Orville," "I want you to keep very calm." "Don't get excited." "What did you sell him?" "You." "Oh, well, for a minute I" "Me!" "Wait a minute." "Give him those fish back!" "You can't sell me." "I'm not a horse." "It's the way I comb my hair." "You and I know you're not." "These people are peculiar." "What are you talking about?" "Why would a guy buy a guy?" "I don't know." "They buy any old junk." "You can't do that to me." "You can't sell me." "You don't own me." "No, not now." "He does." "What does he want me for?" "I didn't ask him." "You sold me to a zombie and you don't know what he wants me for?" "You've got to be careful when you're dickering..." "knock 'em off while they're hot." "Do you know why they buy guys?" "For slaves!" "They hit you with whips, put you to picking' cotton, beat you" "They don't pick cotton here." "They beat you for whatever they're pickin'." "I saw "Uncle Tom's Cabin" twice." "Relax a minute." "I've got it figured out." "I've got plans." "But I" "I've got the guy's address and I'm gonna get you back." "When I do, we'll be where we are now, only 200 bucks ahead." "What's that, nothing?" "That's something." "It might work." "A hundred of that is mine." "That's what I'm telling you." "Put me in the higher brackets." "No use giving it to you now." "If anything goes wrong, the money'd be wasted." "Goes wrong?" "I'm gettin' out of here." "You might have sold me but you're not gonna deliver me... because I'm not gonna be here." "Wait." "I don't have to deliver you." "They're coming to pick you up." "What?" "Pick me up?" "Who do you think you're playing with?" "Children?" "You're talking to Turkey, the man with the muscles." "Wait!" "Turn the lights on." "Let go of me." "Wait a second." "Aunt Lucy!" "Aunt Lucy!" "The least you could do is wrap me as a gift." "Geoffrey!" "Geoffrey!" "Huh?" "What do ya want?" "You're a naughty boy." "You shouldn't have done that wicked thing to Orville." "You must find him, Geoffrey, and bring him back." "I'm so distressed." "I didn't know, Aunt Lucy." "Honest I didn't." "The fellow I sold him to... was only a jobber and he resold him later at a profit." "He wouldn't tell me to who." ""To whom," Geoffrey." "Yes, ma'am, to whom." "I still don't know where he is." "You've got to find him." "Little Orville needs you." "What can I do?" "I've been looking for a week!" "Remember that song you used to sing?" "The one Orville loved?" "Which song was that?" "# Ho-ho-hum, you hear me shouting' #" "# Ho-ho-hum, zoot # You remember." "Well, go through the streets singing that song." "Little Turkey" " Orville, will hear you and reveal himself." "It might work at that!" "Aunt Lucy, you, being up there, must see everything." "You could save me trouble if you tell me where he is." "I'm not supposed to." "It's against the rules." "Come on, Aunt Lucy." "I won't crack to nobody." "If you go to the marketplace, head east 200 paces... you'll come to-- I can't talk to you anymore." "Here comes Mr.Jordan!" "Aunt Lucy!" "Aunt Lucy!" "#Ain't got a dime to my name #" "#What a terrible shame #" "# Ho-hum #" "# Ho-ho-hum #" "#Just found a hole in my shoe #" "#And my stockin' shows through #" "# Ho-hum #" "# Ho-ho-hum #" "# I know that when you're as free as a bird in a tree #" "# Life is a wonderful whim #" "# Look at the crank with his dough in the bank #" "# Don't you feel sorry for him #" "# Rollin' along at a loss #" "# Never gathering' moss #" "# Ho-hum #" "# Ho-ho ho-ho-hum #" "Take it." "##" "# I'm no terrific success #" "# I ought to worry I guess #" "# Ho-hum #" "#Whoa-ho ho-hum #" "# I like a shady old tree #" "#What's the matter with me #" "# Ho-hum # [ Crashing ]" "# Ho-ho-ho-ho ho-hum #" "#There's nothin' quite as grotesque #" "#As a man at a desk #" "# Lookin' outside at the sun #" "# Shirts made of silk and a diet of milk #" "# Maybe he thinks he has fun #" "# I've got the vagabond itch #" "# Guess I'll never get rich #" "# Ho-hum #" "# Ho-ho-ho-ho ho-ho-ho-ho #" "Ummm." ""DearJeff:" "Flee for your life before it is too late." ""You can't do anything for me." "If you stick around," ""you will get us both into trouble... maybe killed." ""Leave the country and forget you ever knew me." ""Say nothin' to nobody about this." "Flee!" ""Respectfully yours, TurkeyJackson." "P.S. I am being tortured day and night." "Flea!"" "Flea..." "F-L-E-A." "That's Turkey, all right." "Don't worry, old boy." "I won't let you down." "I'll get you out." "[ Shalmar ] # Constantly...#" "#I look for you #" "#No day or two #" "#But constantly #" "# Constantly...#" "#I wished you near #" "#And now you're here #" "#So close to me #" "#And it isn't magic #" "#And you do exist #" "#For after all #" "#I know when I've been kissed #" "#And you are meant to be #" "#My heart's delight #" "#Notjust tonight #" "#But constantly #" "# Constantly... #" "#I looked for you #" "# No day or two #" "# But constantly #" "# Constantly... #" "# I wished you near #" "#And now you're here #" "# So close to me #" "#And it isn't magic #" "#And you do exist #" "# For after all #" "# I know when I've been kissed #" "#And you were meant to be #" "# My heart's delight #" "# Not just tonight #" "# But constantly ##" "That's pretty good." "What kind of animated esquire is this?" "';" "Leave the country." "Forget you ever knew me." ""Flea," he says." ""Say nothing to nobody." "Flea."" "Why you dirty, double-crossing hoarder!" "Turkey, this is me..." "Jeff." "Say something." "Turkey?" "The fellow is mad." "Take him away." "Toss him to the crocodiles." "He's my friend." "Tell them who I am!" "He's just jokin'." "Let me go." "Wait." "Do you know this man?" "I never saw him before in my life." "You dirty, underhanded sickle-snoot!" "We were in the same class together for years... 'til I got promoted." "Bah!" "Let him go." "Leave, all of you." "You stay." "Oh, but hon!" "Come." "Sit here beside me." "Orville, I want you to tell me the truth." "Do you know him?" "I used to, but I outgrew him." "I don't daily much with riffraff these days... and he's a raffy kind of a riff." "Wha" "Why didn't you tell me you had a friend in Karameesh?" "And such a friend." "You didn't tell her about me, huh?" "I didn't want to dicker." "It might've queered the deal." "This kid can't handle competition." "You can understand why, can't you?" "Yes, I can." "We have a proverb." "A goose is beautiful until it stands beside a peacock." "Say, goose-- Say, goose" "What are you made up for?" "Ladies night in a Turkish bath?" "What time do you light up,Jack?" "You're looking at the future prince of Karameesh." "Who?" "I'm gonna be a pasha, with the accent on the pash." "What?" "We're going to be married-- When is the big day?" "When the moon, in its last quarter, silvers the blossoms... of the almond tree..." "Tuesday night, about 9:00." "Drat!" "I shall be listening to "Hobby Lobby"." "How can a dream like you go for a drip like this?" "It is written in the stars." "I've been counseled by Hyder Khan, the wise one, to take this man for my husband, and I must obey." "Old Hyder Khan must've been out of focus at the time." "Is that so?" "The nuptial knot's practically tied... and there's nothing you can do about it." "I'm her Heathcliff." "She bought me for 200 skins." "Looks like I'm gonna get your money's worth." "She bought you.!" "Where did she meet you?" "She's the dame I told you about in the gold box with the sticks." "Give your little princie a big kiss... king size." "Kiss him on the nose." "See if you can straighten that out!" "Oh, my." "This defeats me." "I gotta give you credit." "You did all right for yourself." "To show there's no hard feelings, I'm gonna stick around for the wedding." "I'll even give you away." "Just a second." "You've already given me away." "Just because I hit the jackpot, you wanna pick up the nickels." "Blow before I press a button and have your head served up." "Quit shoving or there'll be a roomful of teeth here." "I'm talking nice to you, but you'd better get out... before I forget I'm the prince." "Do that again." "He did it!" "Gentlemen, please." "What is your name?" "Geoffrey." "I want you to stay." "I think I could be happy here." "Come on." "Daddy's tired and I have to catch up on my reading." "Good night, Geoffrey." "Good night." "Do it some more." "Do it some more." "Come on, bub, rub." "Why is the princess going to marry you?" "She was to have married Mullay Kassim, the desert sheik." "Why has she changed her mind?" "Sheiks have gone out of style." "The modern girl wants a nice, reliable wolf." "Do it some more." "I'll get you time and a half for overtime." "There's something very strange about it all." "Something very, very strange." "It's a strange country." "Orville, listen." "Huh?" "If this were known, it would mean my death." "But in my heart, there is a great love for you." "You too?" "If this keeps up, I'll have to buy a scooter." "Is my love hopeless, or do you have some crumbs of affection for me?" "You know how a prince is." "I may set you up with a little hat shop or something." "What a racket!" "We're trying a new shade, nightingale's blush." "Nightingale's blush..." "that's sweet." "You get a complete recondition and you'll still look like a warthog." "Gals, get a breath of fresh air." "Beat it." "Scat." "Just a second." "I'm giving the orders around here." "She's only done 9 toes." "She can do the other 3 later." "I want to put him under the dryer." "Beat it." "Don't be too rash." "You'll spoil him." "Don't go far, girls." "Go on." "I may need you." "Who are these Christmas tigers?" "Who are they yessin'?" "The princess' old man used to use this for a courtroom." "He never lost a case." "That's very nice." "That's nifty." "Look, puffy, I want to have a talk with you, man to man." "Who's gonna hold up your end?" "I'll see you in a couple weeks." "I have no time for riffraff." "Think you're cute, don't you, sending me that note:" "they're torturing you." "Get out of town." "There's nothin' I can do for you." "There is nothing." "I can handle it myself." "I want you to leave." "I know how you operate." "I don't want a best man." "Figure you'll move in, huh?" "You figure you'll wind up the prince." "Could be." "You're takin' a powder..." "right now." "That's gratitude!" "You seem to be forgettin' I sold you into all this." "Now you want to toss me out." "Don't give me that!" "You thought you were selling me into picking' cotton with whips." "Wait a minute!" "Where do you think you're going?" "What's in there?" "Nothing...just milady's boudoir." "What are you doin' goin' in there?" "It's a strange country, chum." "Find my friend a little corner to sleep in at the snake house." "You big phony." "Get yourself a rattle to play with." "Nice parlay..." "from you to the snake." "Cuddle with a cobra." "Happy fangs!" "You can't do this to me!" "Bye, fellows." "#Moonlight becomes you #" "#It goes with your hair #" "# You certainly know the right thing #" "# To wear #" "# Moonlight becomes you #" "# I'm thrilled at the sight #" "#And I could get so romantic #" "#Tonight #" "#You're all dressed up to go dreaming #" "# Now don't tell me I'm wrong #" "#And what a night to go dreaming #" "# Mind if I tag along #" "#If I say I love you #" "# I want you to know #" "# It's not just because there's moonlight #" "#Although #" "# Moonlight becomes you so #" "## [ Whistling ]" "##" "# Moonlight becomes you #" "## [ Whistling ]" "#What a beautiful you #" "##" "# Moonlight and you #" "#You're all dressed up to go dreaming #" "# Now don't tell me I'm wrong #" "#And what a night to go dreaming #" "# Mind if I tag along #" "# If I say I love you #" "# I want you to know #" "# It's not just because there's moonlight #" "#Although #" "# Moonlight becomes you so ##" "Orville, wake up!" "Wake up." "Okay, Mom, I'll get a job tomorrow." "No, no, no." "Wake up!" "What's the matter?" "The princess is unfaithful." "She cares nothing for you." "I'll see you in the hat shop later." "Listen!" "At this moment, she and your friend are in each other's arms." "Yeah, well-- What?" "Yes." "Look." "The lowdown, double-crossing centipede!" "Trying to climb into my shoes and pull the roof over his head." "The crawling lizard!" "I'll show him what a salami has gotta go through." "Don't waste your anger upon them." "Ahhh!" "Let us fly together." "Okay, but let go of my landing gear." "You and I, thus, and thus, and thus will my love consume you." "From manufacturer direct to consumer." "I go!" "Excuse me." "Beloved." "Beloved!" "Thus." "I g" "Let me ask you something, Princess." "Suppose you put off this wedding a little, and I hung around a little, and you grew to like me." "Wouldn't that change things?" "No, Geoffrey, it would not." "I like you now." "The more I get to like you, the more reason I will have to marry Orville." "You like me so you're gonna marry Orville." "That's a new kind of brush." "That is the way it must be." "There are many things you don't understand." "Later you will know." "Before you get hooked up to that character, there's a few things you ought to know." "What do you mean?" "Sit down." "To give an idea of what kind of double-crossin' hoodlum he is" "Oh, no." "It's too fantastic." "You'd never believe it." "Go on, what happened?" "We're broke and he sells me, his best friend, for 200 bucks.!" " Practically gives me away." " I thought you sold him?" "That's the way he tells it." "There's two sides to everything." "That's impossible." "The men brought Orville to me." "They come to pick me up and get him by mistake." "I don't under-- By rights, I should be in his spot." "You should be marrying me instead of him." "There's two sides to everything." "Ow!" "Hey!" "What's the big idea?" "There's two sides to everything." "Princess, he's here." "Mullay Kassim!" "Mullay Kassim, my lord." "Where is this-- this dog?" "Hold your anger." "Wait until you've he-- I've already heard." "It's whispered that on the day set for our wedding, you're planning to marry this..." "American!" "Is it true?" "Tell me." "Yes, Kassim, it is true." "But it is only-- Enough!" "Come, Ahmed Caspa." "Let us find this man." "Let us see the color of his liver... hang his carcass for the jackals to nibble." "No, wait." "First you must hear the words of Hyder Khan, the wise one." "Hyder Khan?" "Very well, Shalmar." "Five minutes does not matter in the life of a cockroach." "Come." "And it is here, written in the stars, O Lion of the Desert, that the first husband of the Princess Shalmar... will die a violent death within the week of the marriage." "What is that you say?" "It is also written... that her second husband will be blessed with long life and happiness." "Now do you understand?" "The American, as my first husband, will die within the week." "Then, as the wise one said, I will be free to marry the man I love." "Ha-ha-ha-ha." "This is a great joke." "It'll be retold as long as men live in Karameesh." "First time I ever saw steam heat in print." "Orville." "Orville?" "Just when it was getting interesting." "Hello, Hon. Did you tell Geoffrey he's not to stay for the wedding?" "That we didn't want him here at all?" "I hinted at it." "I gave him a map and provisions for 3 months." "I can't understand why you don't like him." "He's one of the nicest men I've ever met." "He's a nice fellow, as nice fellows go:" "and, why don't he?" "There's something I must tell you." "This is a very strange country." "Yeah." "Like you running into me and buying me like I was a potato." "And me baked ever since." "Ho-hum." "No, I mean we have very strange customs, very strange laws." "For the first week of a marriage a man and wife live separately." "Yeah, well, every-- Huh?" "It is a custom thousands of years old." "Customs... you make 'em, you break 'em, they come and go." "Did I tell you about Prohibition?" "It has been so for thousands of years." "There can be no other way." "Honey, don't take on so." "It's only a week." "Yes, only a week." "Orville, when I look at you and think of our marriage," "I can't help crying." "You're so young..." "much, much too young." "You don't have to worry about me, baby." "I just read a book." "Oso Bucco, come here!" "When was this American born?" "I can't finish his tomb until I have the date." "I don't know, Ahmed." "We don't know what we're doing." "Another thing... we're making his coffin too small." "I tried my wife in it this morning." "Her feet were hanging out." "What are we going to do?" "We're just guessing." "We're going to do a sloppy job." "While the American is alive why don't we measure him?" "We couldn't do that!" "He would find out." "There are ways." "There are ways!" "Come on." "Right now I could use a hole in my head." "Could we disturb you, Master?" "What do you want?" "If it is not too much trouble, we would like to measure you." "What for?" "We are making something for you." "It's a surprise." "Something for the wedding." "This is for after the wedding." " Sort of a male trousseau?" " Yes, Master, sort of." "All right, go ahead." "Measure away." "Thank you, Master." "It will be brief." "Waist, thirty-four." "The princess has an eye for beauty, so pretty me up." "Sew in plenty of muscles." "Make it zooty." "We will make you look even better than you do now." "Oh, thanks." "Chest normal, forty-one." "Normal, forty-one." "Chest expanded, forty-one." "Ches" "Give me room." "I like to spread out." "Perhaps the master would lie down." "Certainly." "5' 1 1 " overall." "5' 1 1 " overall." "Put a lot of padding in it." "I don't want anything stiff." "I assure you, it will be no stiffer than yourself." " Good day." " Good day, Master." "Good day." "One question, Master." "What is the date of your birth?" "Birth?" "What do you want that for?" " It is for the record." " September 1 3th, 1 91 3." "On a Friday." "Thank you, Master." "We must go." "We have to carve" "Carve it?" "And what was that... business?" "Orville?" "Orville, those two men-- What were they doing here?" "They were measuring me for some outfit." "Measuring you!" "Do you know who they are?" "The royal dressmakers." "No, my beloved." "They're undertakers." "Well, that" "Huh?" "They were measuring me for a graveyard gabardine?" "Yes." "Jeff.Jeff." "There you are." "I gotta have a talk with you." "Orvie, I've been doin' a lot of thinkin'." "There's no use you and I arguing anymore." "I'm gonna beat it out of here." "That's it... you're not." "You don't have to." "I admit I tried to cut in on you." "Whatever you've got, Shalmar's goin' through with it." "That's all been changed." "Huh?" "I'm the guy that's shoving off." "I've been watching you two and you're made for each other." "You look good together..." "just the right size." "You're takin' her." "I'm givin' her to you." "What are you cookin' up?" "The last gal you gave me was that lady wrestler." "What's behind all this?" "I got to thinking about the burying" "I mean the marrying." "It wouldn't last." "In a week, I'd be cold." "Besides, I got a girl." "I got her at the harem, right off the assembly line." "Nice model." "He's gonna fly with me." "My love will consume him thus... and thus, and thus..." "Aunt Lucy?" "A girl can eat too much yeast." "But, my very own-- Yeah, later." "You gotta catch me when I'm in the mood." "You ain't been out of it for twenty years." "This is a whole new shuffle... you two!" "Wait till Shalmar hears about this." "It's not gonna be easy." "It's gonna be a tough assignment to get Shalmar to give me up." "A struggle." "But you can handle it." "You've got everything I've got, and you've had it many years longer." "I got rid of mine." "It's gonna tear the heart out of her but I'll catch her on the rebound." "She might settle for me." "That's the spirit." "I'll be right behind you..." "see you through to the end, leave no stone unturned." "Why don't we fly away?" "Why don't you fly around and warm your motor?" "I'll join you later." "Orville?" "Orville." "Orville!" "This is disgraceful!" "Tsk, tsk." "Shh!" "I'm not gonna let you do this dreadful thing to Geoffrey." "Shh.!" "You'll be the death of me yet." "Please, Aunt Lucy." "You've got to talk to him, tell him the truth." "I ain't doin' nothin'." "Look what he did to me!" "I insist." "If you don't tell him, I will." "You can't talk to him." "You're in my dream." "Goodness, gracious me!" "That's right." "We're only allowed to be in one dream a week." "Mr.Jordan doesn't like us pestering people." " I can understand that." " I've got to make him hear me." "Geoffrey!" "Geoffrey.!" "Geoffrey.!" "Shh.!" "Shh!" "Geoffrey!" "Oh, oh.!" "Take your hands off me.!" "Stop it.!" "Oh, oh.!" "Ahhh.!" "Guess that'll show her." "[ Moaning ]" "Your feet are cold." "You see, Master." "Wings!" "And more than that, they have legs." "Insects!" "Fireflies!" "What are they doing in my telescope?" "I don't know." "I haven't cleaned the lenses for a week." "Dear, oh, dear!" "I must have mistaken these fireflies forJupiter and Venus." "Yes, Master, you've certainly gummed up the works." "Indeed, I have." "My prophesies for the American's death... were based on the fixed positions ofJupiter and Venus." "This doesn't add up." "I want you." "You say you want me, Orville says it's okay, and you're gonna marry him." "It's something I can't explain." "We're going to be married." "That's all I have to say." "I've something to say too!" "I'm not in love with you anymore." "I got another girl." "No more talk." "Go to your room and prepare for the wedding." "I just got one thing to tell you, Princess" "I'm going to my room and prepare for the wedding." "Okay, fellas, who's got the dice?" "He's a pip, brushing off a dream like you." "Instead of a wedding, you'd think he was going to his own funeral." "Yes... wouldn't you?" "Princess, Princess!" "Mistress of my life, listen and be merciful." "I have made a calamitous error." "You must not marry that American." "You must marry Mullay Kassim!" "Mullay Kassim?" "I must hear everything." "Your life is influenced byJupiter and Venus, so it is my painful duty to tell you what I've learned." "You are indeed the favored one of Allah, O Master." "To marry the princess, most men in Karameesh would gladly die." "Yes." "That's what's worrying me." "So you see, they turned out to be fireflies." "I was wrong about everything." "Geoffrey!" "Don't you see?" "Isn't it wonderful?" "Yes, it's pretty good." "What's wonderful about it?" "It just means Turkey's back in circulation... and you get tied up to Mullay Kassim." "Mullay Kassim." "Geoffrey, you may feel strange about marrying a princess, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to live it down." "You mean, you and me?" "Is that what you mean?" "Mistress!" "You see, Hyder Khan?" "You see what your fireflies have done?" "How about this!" "Wait'll I break the news to doodlebug." "That's why Orville was so anxious to hand you over to me!" "I think he got wind of this whole thing." "Don't say anything to him, not just yet." "Don't worry about me." "I'll handle him!" "Shalmar and I had a little talk, and we've decided to accept your generous offer." "What generous offer?" "You giving me to her." "She's decided to accept me." "The guys are working on the nuptial knots." "No kidding!" "I knew you'd see it." "You two, what a pair!" "Hand-in-hand!" "Brother, you're gonna have the happiest week." "You're gonna be in clover!" "Yes, sir, deep in clover." "[ Speaking Arabic ]" "Have you told me all?" "Oh, Sheik." "I have told you what has befallen, trusting in your generosity to reward me." "Here." "You must hurry, O Mighty One!" "When I left, the princess and her consort were preparing to leave the country." "Hurry!" "There isn't much time." "Get some sense into your noggin, and you and me blow." "We're going to the United States to get hooked up." "Hyder Khan's got that jinx spread all over the world." "Yeah?" "Let's see him mess around in Brooklyn." "Here comes Murder, Incorporated." "Call me later." "So, that is your plan!" "Running away with this dog." "I could show a dog a few things about running right now." "I'm not mixed-up in this." "I'm tending the gardens." "These tulips need pruning... have one?" "You lie to Kassim?" "No, but it's a big switch now." "I gave her up." "I'm on your side." "They're ducking out on you, the dirty double-crossers!" "What do you think we ought to do with them?" "What is this?" "So, there's another one!" "Nice going,Junior." "Remind me to throw you a piece of cheese in the morning." "Kassim-- Silence!" "Who is this goat?" "This moon-faced son of a one-eyed donkey?" "I wouldn't let him call me that, even if there is a resemblance." "Where do you come off cutting in here?" "Go play cops and robbers someplace else!" "Beat it, scat, shoo!" "Slap his teeth out." "I'll hold your coat." "I'll hold your coat too." "Kassim, please." "Please!" "Quiet!" "You dare oppose the will of Kassim?" "Oppose your will?" "I'll have you writing one if you mess with me!" "Take a poke at him." "We're not afraid of him... are ya?" "Enough!" "You are coming with me." "Caspa, take one of the girls for yourself." "Just a minute." "Okay, pal, I'm with ya." "He says she's going with him." "She's going with him?" "He says she's going with him." "He make joke." "Funny boy." "Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man!" "Bake a cake as" "Yes, sir,Junior!" "That thing sure got around." "Yeah, and back to us." "Run for your lives.!" "This way!" "Come on, nipper." "Shake a slipper!" "Okay, lover." "Head for cover!" "Hurry!" "You two girls hide in there, quick!" "No, not you!" "We'll stay here and hold them off." "Yeah, we'll" "Who, us?" "Who are you kidding?" "Let's spread out." "Two of you that way." "Search the tower!" "Search the palace!" "Two of you in there." "Search,you dogs.!" "My white stallion to the man who brings me their heads." "They must learn what it means to incur the wrath of Mullay Kassim." "They're not in here." "There's no trace of them." "Highness, we cannot find them." "We must find them and slit their throats." "Yes, Your Highness.!" "They shall die slowly." "Their tongues shall be ripped out.!" "Their ears shall be sliced off and dried on sticks." "Search the corridors!" "We'll find them if we have to tear down the palace!" "Yes, Your Highness." "Ah... ah... ah, ah, ah... ah-choo!" "Call the men!" "Stand up, you dog.!" "You thought you'd slip through my fingers, huh?" "After him!" "Get the horses ready!" "I was just going for a broom to sweep this stuff up." "Mullay Kassim will take care of you in the desert!" "Aunt Lucy!" "I never thought I'd wind up in a camel's snood!" "A fine pal you are, letting me give her up!" "And all the time you knew you weren't gonna die!" "That's what's killing me." "You weren't gonna die!" "Give me credit." "That's pretty hard to do, beating' you and the embalmer." "I feel like the morning mail." "R.F.D." "Look, they're leaving us!" "All alone in the desert." "No food, no water, no nothing!" "Come on." "Let's start the sack race." "Where do we go?" "Let's hop over the hill and see what's doin'." "Must be a gas station somewhere around here." "What are you still hoppin' for?" "We've been out of those nets all day." "I want to keep my watch going." "How did we get loose with our hands and feet tied and everything?" "If we told anybody, they'd never believe it." "Oh." "Let's not tell 'em, huh?" "Shh... proceed." "See anything?" "Nothing." "Come on." "Courage, boy!" "Courage, he says." "Look at that!" "You know what they are?" "They're buzzards.!" "They're carrying finger bowls too." "Fine way to end up." "A box lunch for a bird." "Turkey, look!" "What's a drive-in doing in the middle of the desert?" "I'm no quiz kid." "Come on, let's eat!" "I'll force something." "Toss us a couple of mugs of java!" "We got our own sugar." "Two tall double-dip hamburgers!" "Not too well done." "And a couple of mile-high beers!" "It's moving!" "Better grab it." "Hey, come back!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey, what's this "now you see it, now you don't" stuff?" "We might have known." "It's a mirage!" "I could even smell the onions." "I'm getting out of here." "Yeah, me too!" "# The moonlight becomes you so #" "Why, it's Shalmar!" "# It goes with your hair #" "She must've been visiting a gopher friend." "#You certainly know the right thing to wear #" "# Moonlight becomes you #" "# I want you to know #" "#It's notjust because there's moonlight #" "#Although...#" "# Moonlight becomes you so #" "# Moonlight becomes you #" "# It goes with your hair #" "#You certainly know #" "#The right thing to wear #" "[Jeff s Voice ] # Moonlight becomes you #" "# I'm thrilled at the sight #" "[Jeff s Voice ] #And I could get so romantic #" "#Tonight #" "# Ba-ba-ba-be-bah bobba bobba boo #" "# I'm all dressed up to go dreaming #" "# Now don't tell me I'm wrong #" "#And what a night to go dreaming #" "# Mind if I tag along #" "# If I say I love you #" "# I want you to know #" "# It's not just because there's moonlight #" "# I know #" "# Moonlight becomes you so ##" "Shalmar needs a shave!" "That's an omen." "We've gotta find the girls and save them from Kassim." "Come on!" "I don't know whether I can make it." "My legs feel like they're cut off near my Adam's apple." "I guess that kiss took too much out of you, huh?" "Come on." "Get aboard." "If I'm too heavy, I'll throw my hat away." "Leave your head in it, huh?" "Hey, come on!" "Look!" "Water!" "Water!" "Oh, oh, oh!" "This is a bit of all right!" "How about this!" "What are you doing?" "My radiator's dry." "Where there's water, there's life, people!" "All we gotta do is follow the stream." "Oh, there's a herring." "Come along!" "Ya-hoo!" "What do you make of it?" "We'd better take it easy... until we find out whose joint it is." "It might be a camel motel." "[ Shouting ]" "Those are Mullay Kassim's gorillas!" "That joint must be their hideout." "We gotta save the girls." "We'll have to storm the place." "You storm." "I'll stay here and drizzle." "I got something that can't miss!" "So have they... guns!" "Listen to every word." "We don't have to wait for night." "We just go up on the place..." "There's no one." "There were two men in the horse lines." "When they ran, I shot at them." "You've been drinking koolash again!" "Think they know we're here?" "We're still wearing our heads." "That was the dopiest idea, you thinking you could skin a horse and put me inside." "How would I look being a horse?" "Just the same." "We gotta get back to where we started from and wait till dark." "I think we just went through a red light." "I'd feel better if we had a periscope." "Trust me!" "I've got a great sense of direction." "Think we're still okay?" "Sure, sure." "We were headed due north." "North, huh?" "Yeah." "Don't look now, but I think we're standing on a rug." "It is those pigs!" "Don't stand there." "Hurry, run!" "Take them outside and bring me back their ears." "No, wait!" "There must be no shedding of blood on our wedding night." "Did you hear that?" ""Wedding"!" "I stopped listening when he said "blood."" "Lock them up!" "I just had this pressed!" "Let's not be vulgar, bully!" "A fine thing!" "First you sell me for 200 bucks." "I'm gonna marry the princess, then you cut in on me!" "We're carried off by a sheik, now we're gonna have our heads chopped off." "I know all that." "The people who came in the middle of the picture don't!" "You mean, they missed my song?" "Who's that?" "Who are they?" "That's the great sheik Neb-Jolla and his men." "Friend of Kassim's?" "No, the enemy of Kassim." "For ten years they have been at war, but Kassim has invited him to his wedding as a token of peace." "But I do not trust either one of them." "Halt.!" "You oughta take something for your throat." "What have you got?" "Food for these men." "They have not eaten." "It cannot matter when it is their last night to live." "Give it to them through the window." "Any word from the governor?" "Shh!" "In this bowl there's a magic ring from the princess." "You can make three wishes." "Perhaps it will help us all to escape." "Why didn't you bake us a cake with a file in it?" "The ring will not work for everybody." "If we are fortunate, it might work for you, Geoffrey." "Should it fail, lift the jewel and inside you will find... poison for two." "Here." "What is this talking?" "Go on, be gone!" "Good-bye, honey." "Don't forget to write." "Just send it to the "dead letter office."" "Poison." "Three wishes." "All right, start the acka-muracas." "Come on, ring." "Get the four of us out of here." "Magic ring." "What does she think we are, a couple of chowder-heads?" "No pictures, huh?" "Nothin'." "Get the poison pills." "Let's get it over with." "There they are." "Close your eyes and I'll shoot you one of these concentrated Mickeys." "What's the matter with me shooting them to you?" "You don't want to fall and get a knot on your head." "I gotta stay behind and hold you up." "I'll hold you up." "Me, huh?" "Don't let me fall too hard." "Set the table, Aunt Lucy." "There'll be two more for dinner." "Boy, I sure wish I had a drink." "Junior, it worked!" "The magic ring, it worked on you." "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" "Ooo-ooo-ooo!" "Jeff, I'm back!" "I did it!" "For a minute, I thought I had a one-way ticket!" "Hey, hey!" "Cut it out!" "What am I doin'?" "I think I liked you better the other way." "Yeah." "You've used up our last wish." "We'll never get out." "I'll think of something." "That's what I'm afraid of." "What's going on here?" "Oh, nothing." "Did anybody ever escape from this jail?" "Once, about a year ago, two men got out." "Tell me, chum." "How'd they do it?" "It was an accident." "To light a cigarette, I placed my rifle like this." "Hello." "Oh, interesting." "And then what happened?" "One of the fellows grabbed the rifle and pointed it at me." "You mean, like this?" "Except that he put it right up against my head." "Like this!" "Yes!" "What's wrong?" "Put 'em up!" "Give us those keys!" "Or we'll spread you!" "Ahmed, we have done it again!" "I don't get this setup." "What's frying?" "I'm cooking up some small sabotage." "We'll have 'em at one another's throats!" "Internal dissension." "Divide and conquer." "Brother against brother." "Sort of an Arabian Gestapo?" "You've got it, Tyrone." "Hasn't missed yet." "Then we grab the gals and cut out." "Hold this a minute, will ya?" "Allez!" "What are you gonna do with that?" "Look and learn." "What're you doing?" "Making reefers?" "This'll give 'em that lift." "I got a pip." "What now?" "Brilliant!" "Good boy." "Where's the dribble-glass?" "Slip 'em the drip... drip." "Psst!" "Psst!" "Neb-Jolla, so great is my joy that I wish to share it with you." "May our tribes live together in peace for a thousand years!" "My hand on that, Kassim." "You are fortunate indeed to win the love of so beautiful a princess." "She cannot wait for my kisses upon her lips." "Can you, my dove?" "Kassim, you shall soon know how I feel about you." "There, you hear?" "Yeah." "I drink to my friend who was my enemy, and to the eternal peace that has come between us." "I drink to that, and also to the beauty of my bride-to-be." "My apologies, O Great Sheik." "There must be a hole in the goblet." "Yes, I see there is!" "I trust you do not do this as a joke?" "No, my friend, my very dear friend!" "Happy Fourth of July." "What is the meaning of this?" "What's going on here?" "My friend, I give you my assurances." "Eat, drink, music!" "Let us all be like brothers." "Do you bring us here to make fools of us?" "This is no doing of mine." "Be of good faith." "There will be no more." "Kassim, when will these outrages cease?" "Neb-Jolla, please, patience." "I humble myself at your feet in apology." "Come, sit down." "This is the screwiest picture I was ever in!" "At the word from our master, we would tear you to shreds!" "We are as mystified as you." "We came here to eat, not to be mystified!" "Do not trust him." "His is an empty gesture of friendship." "Aaah!" "[ Screaming ]" "I am at a loss to understand!" "Why do you persist on playing these pranks?" "[ Aide ] It's just as much a surprise to us." "Please forget about the whole thing." "I give you my assurance" "I am trying to control myself, but my patience cannot last!" "Aaah!" "Water, water!" "[ Shouting ]" "I am on fire!" "Water, water.!" "Enough, enough!" "This is war!" "[ Speaking Arabic ]" "This means war!" "[ Gunshot ]" "When I see how silly people behave," "I'm glad I'm a camel." "Oh, I'm glad you're a camel too, Mabel!" "Hurry up!" "Let's go!" "Come on." "I'll race ya!" "[ Ship Whistle ]" "This thing pinches me." "You got another one?" "Yeah." "It won't be long before we're seeing little old New York." "Three years we've been waiting to get back." "I'm gonna grab a piece of the U.S.A. and eat it-- something around New Orleans." "I get the strangest feeling that we've been through all of this before." "Looks like I trapped you again." "This time I'm bringing home the bacon too." "And what a slab!" "Then the answer's yes?" "Yes, but don't think I'm marrying you for her money." "Why are you marrying me?" "I'll think of something." "I want the Statue of Liberty to be proud of me, so I'll powder my nose." "I don't think it'll help." "# Moonlight becomes you #" "# It goes with your hair #" "# Da-da-da da-da #" "Aaah, aaah!" "I can't go on!" "No food, no water!" "It's all my fault." "We're done for." "It's got me!" "I can't stand it!" "No food, no nothing!" "No food, no water!" "Ah-ha-ha-ha!" "No food!" "Ah-ha-ha-ha!" "What's the matter with you, anyway?" "There's New York." "We'll be picked up in a few minutes!" "You had to open your big mouth and ruin the only good scene I got!" "I might have won an Academy Award!" "SubRip:diamarg"