"The Horizontal Lieutenant (1962)" "Man:" "This is me, October 1944... the day I was inducted into the United States Army." "This is me again, when I was enrolled in officer's candidate school." "And here's another of me... the day they assigned me to Military Intelligence." "Military Intelligence... man, what mental pictures that brought up." "I could see myself busting enemy codes wide-open all over Europe, snooping out troop movements in oriental saloons, languishing in the arms of some foreign spy while I wormed the plans out of her." "That's what I dreamed about." "You know what happened?" "This." "That's no disguise I'm wearing." "That's me, languishing in Fort Garrett, Honolulu, 4,000 Miles from the nearest Japanese Kamikaze." "[Cheering]" "There I sat for months," "Second Lieutenant Merle Wye of Military Intelligence, third-string outfielder on the G2 ball team." "What a way to fight for your country." "Little did I know I would soon be a casualty of World War II." "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Medic!" "Medic!" "♪ Horizontal Lieutenant ♪ ♪ 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ Horizontal Lieutenant ♪ ♪ 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ Hup, 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ 1, 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ Who's the guy the gals adore?" "♪" "♪ The Horizontal Lieutenant ♪" "♪ 3, 4, 5, 6 ♪" "♪ Who's got all the dolls and chicks?" "♪" "♪ The Horizontal Lieutenant ♪" "♪ Though his army record was poor ♪" "♪ He sure won the battle of Toujours L'amour ♪" "♪ hup, hup, 1, 2 ♪" "♪ One for all and all for who?" "♪" "♪ The Horizontal Lieutenant ♪" "♪ He was game ♪ ♪ whoa-yeah ♪" "♪ With a dame ♪ ♪ whoa-yeah ♪" "♪ He's the most ♪ ♪ uh-huh ♪" "♪ Here's a toast ♪ ♪ uh-huh ♪" "♪ Here's to our 4-star ♪" "♪ Horizontal Lieutenant ♪" "♪ Hup, 2, 3, 4!" "♪" "♪ Though his army record was poor ♪" "♪ He sure won the battle of Toujours L'amour ♪" "♪ Hup, hup, 1, 2 ♪" "♪ One for all and all for who?" "♪" "♪ The Horizontal Lieutenant ♪" "♪ He was game ♪ ♪ with a dame ♪" "♪ He was brave ♪ ♪ how he gave ♪" "♪ At the post ♪ ♪ he's the most ♪" "♪ Here's a toast ♪ ♪ here's a toast ♪" "♪ Cheers to our 4-star ♪" "♪ Horizontal Lieutenant ♪ ♪ 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ Hup, 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ Horizontal Lieutenant ♪ ♪ 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ Hup, 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ Horizontal Lieutenant ♪" "Wye:" "When I woke up," "I had a strange impression that the nurse in the room was a girl I used to know, back home in Wichita." "What time is it?" "What do you care?" "You're not going anyplace." "You know, for a minute there," "I had the funniest feeling." "I thought you were a girl..." "Don't try to talk." "You've been hit in the head." "Girl I knew in college... tall, skinny girl, lanky, sort of." "I said don't talk." "Are you lanky, nurse?" "Yeah, I'm lanky." "Go to sleep." "Not like her, though." "A lot of laughs, that kid... the awkward type, you know, not the kind you date or anything, [laughing] But a lot of laughs." "[Laughing] Yeah." "Hey, look, I'm warning you don't talk." "We used to call her high pockets." "Ha ha ha!" "She was crazy about me." "Oh, I can believe that." "Why not?" "Funny I should think about her now." "Her name was Molly Blue." "What's your name, nurse?" "Molly Blue." "Hi, Merle." "Hi, Blue." "What?" "!" "Down." "Down!" "Down, boy!" "Hiya, Blue." "What's the good word?" "Hey, Ron." "Nothing much." "Men:" "Hi, Blue." "Hey, Blue, hi." "Hey, how's it going, sexy?" "Ok." "Hiya, Blue." "Hi, Mike, how are you doing?" "Like, any chance of an alcohol rub?" "Uh-uh." "Not today." "Man:" "You got a minute, Blue?" "Blue:" "For what?" "You tell me, and then maybe I'll decide." "Hey, Blue, come on back here." "Hello, Harry." "Man:" "Don't forget to come back this way, Blue." "Well, I see we're leaving today, lieutenant." "How do we feel?" "And why aren't we dressed?" "We feel terrible, and we aren't dressed because we're thinking of sticking around for a few days." "Oh, are we really?" "Yeah." "We're thinking of lying here flat on our backs until a certain Lieutenant Molly Blue makes a date with a certain Lieutenant Merle Wye." "And we've been over that before." "What is this screen doing up?" "I'm sick." "Only emotionally." "Blue." "Tonight's a big night for me." "It's my first time out in 2 weeks." "Now, will you or won't you have dinner with me tonight?" "Just give me a simple answer yes or no." "No." "Well, you don't have to answer now." "You just think it over for a little while, and you can come back... close." "Close." "Down, boy." "This is strange, this sudden attraction" "I suddenly seem to hold for you." "You hardly looked at me back home, except, as you say, for laughs." "Could it possibly be that you're having trouble getting dates in Honolulu?" "I can get all the dates I want." "Why bother with me?" "Why waste your time with old "high pockets"?" "Are you gonna hold me responsible for something that happened when I was unconscious?" "If you bite that thermometer, lieutenant, you're gonna stay here another 2 weeks." "Look, no matter what I said, it's not what I think now." "Besides, you've changed." "You've changa lot." "It's not me who's changed." "It's the world." "From a tall girl, I've suddenly developed into a short commodity." "There aren't enough of us to go around these days, which probably accounts for my spectacular popularity." "Aw, look, I just told you... it wasn't always so." "I remember the day when the only men who ever whistled at me were traffic cops." "If a fella was 2 inches shorter, he wouldn't be caught giving me the correct time." "Now, he'll not only give me the correct time, but he'll chase me 6 blocks to whisper it in my ear." "You know something?" "I don't mind it at all." "I ask for a simple date, I get a social history." "Look..." "When I was coming out of that fog, who do you think the first girl I thought about was?" "Was it farlene sausten?" "No." "Was it that redhead Mildred something?" "No." "Was it Candy Cane Lutz, the drum majorette with the big baton." "No." "It was Molly Blue." "Now, that must mean something." "It means you got a hit on the head." "It means you were in my mind." "I'd been thinking about you." "Now, that must mean something." "Doesn't it?" "I don't know." "Maybe." "And you did used to like me..." "[Laughing] A little bit, anyway." "I suppose so..." "in weak moments." "So date me." "I can't." "Why not?" "Well, I'm on duty tonight." "You wouldn't lie to me, would you?" "Why should I lie?" "Hiya, Blue." "Oh, hello, doctor." "I'll pick you up around 8:00." "Look your prettiest, kitten." "We're throwing a real winger tonight." "Ok." "I'm sorry." "[Crunch]" "Merle, for heaven's sakes." "Come on, spit it out." "Merle, spit it out!" "Come on!" "Uh-uh." "All right." "Now, come on." "Oh!" "Merle!" "Come on." "Come on." "[Chuckling]" "Heh heh heh!" "[Asian accent] Hiya, lieutenant." "What's the good word?" "Any calls while I was out?" "Calls?" "Let's see..." "Nope." "No calls." "Lieutenant Blue didn't call, huh?" "Nope." "He didn't call either." "It's a girl, Tada, a nurse." "Nope." "Nothing happened all day long." "Well, that's par for the course in this outfit." "Everybody else is out shooting the enemy." "I get hit in the face with baseballs." "Lieutenant, how you happen to get into intelligence department?" "Just how do you mean that, Tada?" "I don't mean something." "It's very simple." "I studied languages in college, and naturally, they assigned me to Japanese interpretation." "Why not?" "Why not?" "Yeah, except I studied French." "Oh, sure." "Sometimes I wonder how the high command makes decisions in this army." "Maybe they use a ouija board." "You know, if it weren't for you niseis," "I'd still think that sukiyaki was an enemy general." "What's the matter?" "When you say high command, it ring a gong in my head." "There was a call for you." "Lieutenant Blue?" "No, no, no, not Lieutenant Blue." "Colonel Delgan..." "high command." "Colonel Delgan, and you forgot?" "!" "What's the matter with you, Tada?" "!" "What time did he call?" "!" "I think it was yesterday." "Yesterday." "You sent for me, sir?" "Did I?" "Who are you?" "Lieutenant Wye, sir." "Oh." "How come we don't see you out with the ball team, lieutenant?" "We want that pennant, you know." "As coach, I like to see every man doing his part." "If you will recall, sir, I was hit in the head with a foul ball." "Oh, that Lieutenant Wye." "Yeah, I place you now." "You hit .150 and can't judge a high fly." "I'm afraid that's right, sir." "Aw, never mind." "We're not here to talk about baseball." "Lieutenant, uh, I think we have a field assignment for a man of your caliber." "Why, thank you, sir." "Active duty on Rotohan." "I imagine you've heard of Rotohan." "Yes, sir... one of the islands we took from the Japanese about, uh, 8 months ago." "Right." "Well, we've got a man out there now..." "Lieutenant Monk." "Good enough man, I suppose, but he doesn't have the special insight required for this operation." "Could you, uh, give me a brief fill on the job, sir?" "In a word, stopping Kobayashi." "Stopping what?" "I don't have time to explain right now." "One of the boys outside will brief you." "You're on a plane tomorrow." "Yes, sir, and, sir, I don't know what stopping Kobayashi means, but whatever it is, I'll do my best to stop it." "Good luck, lieutenant." "Than you, sir." "Hello, hospital?" "Lieutenant Molly Blue, please." "What was the name of that island again?" "Rotohan." "She's got to be get there!" "Well, page her or something..." "top urgent!" "Yeah, Rotohan, active duty... replacing an officer named Monk." "It's, uh, pretty important stuff, so it hurry up, will you?" "Oh, it's important, all right, only you're not replacing Monk, he's replacing you." "That's impossible." "Why?" "He used to play second base for the San Francisco Seals." "Yeah, but..." "but colonel said... hey, I've got to stop Kobayashi." "That's right." "Kobayashi:" "Possible name of a Japanese holdout on Rotohan... harmless, unarmed, roams through hills, steals things from army stores, preferably food and supplies, but has also stolen personal items, including Colonel Korotny's socks." "There's your crash program, lieutenant:" "Stop Kobayashi and help Colonel Delgan win the pennant." "I think I'll throw up." "Can't say I blame you." "Of course, uh, a job on Rotohan isn't without its peril." "You might, uh, die of boredom." "[Sarcastically] Ha ha ha." "Blue on phone:" "A Lieutenant Blue here." "Hello, Blue." "Hello." "Who is this?" "Uh, Merle." "I was wondering if I could see you tonight." "I'm sorry, Merle, I'm busy." "To be perfectly honest, I have a date." "Ok." "Well, I'll write to you from..." "Out there." "Merle, you mean they're shipping you?" "Yup." "And from all I hear, it's a real hot spot." "What?" "Blue:" "When are you going?" "Tomorrow." "Top secret stuff." "I'd rather not talk about it, naturally." "Naturally." "Will you shut up?" "Listen, I'll break my date." "We've got 2 colonels." "Will you think what you're doing?" "Wait." "Listen, I've got to." "The poor guy's being shipped." "Hey, pick me up at 7:00." "Promise?" "Sure." "Sure!" "See you then." "Aren't you ashamed?" "Yes." "[Hawaiian music playing]" "They're really sending you into action?" "Yup." "Orders cut, fully briefed, leave at dawn." "Hiya, Blue." "Freddie, how are you?" "It seems so sudden." "Yup." "Tomorrow this time, I'll be... out there." "Just think." "Yup." "Blue, darn decent of you to spend this last night with me." "Oh, it's the least I could do." "Man:" "Hello there, Blue." "I believe in keeping up our boys' morale." "Uh, Blue, seeing as it is my last night, I was wondering if... hey, Blue!" "Charlie." "Hey, how's it?" "Oh, of all people!" "Ok." "My gosh!" "How are you?" "When did you get back?" "Nice to see you." "Yup, out there." "Somewhere in the war-torn Pacific." "Merle, I'm not going to ask you what the job is." "Uh, frankly, I wish you wouldn't." "Will it be..." "Dangerous?" "Hell, no." "Oh." "Good." "Well, of course, you never can tell, and seeing as we haven't got too much time left... hey, bluesy girl." "What's the good word?" "Harry sutten!" "Not really." "How have you been?" "Harry's been fine." "Blue, couldn't we go someplace a little less public?" "Your last night?" "I should think you'd want bright lights and..." "People." "Bright lights and..." "People give me a pain." "Couldn't we, Blue, go someplace?" "Well, I guess so." "Hey, this is my place." "Why, Tada, who told you to stop here?" "You did, this afternoon." "You said... all right." "All right." "Just for a few minutes, huh?" "Just for conversation." "Ok, but, uh, I'll pick the subjects." "Sit down, Blue." "Sit down, and make yourself comfortable." "Oh, Merle!" "Oh, what a heavenly place!" "How did you ever find it?" "You're not keeping it, of course?" "I won't have much use for it out there." "Say, would you mind if I tell somebody about it, huh, what with the housing shortage and all?" "Oh, it has wonderful possibilities." "Just wait till I tell Marv about this place..." "Or Johnny." "Oh!" "Maybe don would love it, too." "Oh, I bet he would." "Still, I think Marv should have it." "Ok, Marv can have it, but let's wait till tomorrow, huh?" "Blue, come on over and sit on the couch." "Are you keeping a woman?" "Me?" "What woman?" "Oh, that?" "That's mine." "It's a haori." "What?" "A haori." "[Laughs]" "It's kind of a Japanese housecoat." "Oh?" "Well, let's see what it looks like." "Here try it on." "Ok." "Ok." "I picked it up secondhand in the city." "Usually they're quieter, but this particular one belonged to an actor." "Do you think it, uh, does anything for me?" "[Laughing] Oh." "It looks comfortable." "Oh, it's very comfortable." "See the sleeves?" "Oh!" "Boy, I like it!" "Keep it on." "Sure." "Blue, why don't you get comfortable, too?" "Take off your tie or..." "Something." "Well..." "This jacket is pretty tight." "Sure, sure." "Here, let me help you with that." "Good." "Well..." "One sleeve." "Got it?" "Yup." "And..." "There we are." "Now, you just sit down and relax." "And take it easy!" "There you are." "[Rattle]" "Whoops!" "[Laughs nervously] Gonna have to practice on that one." "Now, uh, what can I get for you?" "Would you like a drink?" "Oh, no." "How about a cigarette?" "Ok." "There we are." "Merle, don't get any ideas." "Ideas?" "What do you mean ideas?" "Who's got ideas?" "Ow!" "I just remembered, I'm do in surgery at 7:00." "Don't think about surgery now." "I've got to think about something." "Think about my morale." "Your morale is doing fine." "Let go." "Blue." "Please." "This is not conversation." "It'll do, though." "Just what were you trying to do?" "Nothing." "It was just these sleeves." "Oh, Blue, please don't go." "Really, I've got to." "[Sighs]" "I wish I never bought this thing." "Oh, don't be silly." "It's beautiful." "By the way, where can I get one?" "Yoshida's on second street." "Why?" "Oh, it would make a perfect gift for..." "Somebody I know." "Yeah, somebody:" "Marv, Harry, Charlie, Frank... you ought to get a price by the gross." "Now, what's eating you, just because I know a few men here?" "A few?" "If your dates signed a separate peace, we'd lose the war." "So I date a lot." "I admit it." "I'm shopping around." "I'm 22, Merle." "By the end of this war, I may be 30." "That's why I say, "gather ye rosebuds while ye may."" "Oh, I wish I had a dollar for every time that's been suggested." "You could at least be a little more original." "Ok." "Ok." "You know, this is a fine conversation for my last night in Hawaii." "Oh, Merle," "I'm gonna miss you, honestly." "I'm going to think about you, too, out there." "Would you like to kiss me good-bye?" "You will be careful..." "Out there?" "Promise me you'll be careful." "They say one inch deeper in a foxhole makes all the difference." "Blue..." "When I come back, that is, of course, I come back..." "Oh, don't say that." "Don't ever say that." "Merle, where are they sending you?" "Rotohan." "Rotohan?" "!" "Yeah." "I guess I shouldn't have told you that, huh?" "You bet you shouldn't." "So that's the hot spot..." "Rotohan!" "What's the matter?" "It's an island in the Roserios." "I don't need any geography lesson." "I know perfectly well where Rotohan is, and I also know there hasn't been a cap pistol fired there in 7 months!" "Wait, now, just a second." "What are you gonna do out there, relieve a soldier for combat duty?" "Listen, will you?" ""In foxholes, one inch deeper," "if I come back."" "All I said was... yeah, and I almost fell for it." "It's possible I might not come back, isn't it?" "Maybe I'll get transferred." "Hooray!" "And the further away, the better!" "Blue, wait!" "Come on, Tada, let's go." "Hey, Blue, what do I do with your tie?" "Hang yourself!" "They, uh, tell me you're for Rotohan, lieutenant." "That's right, sir." "So am I. I've been stationed out there for 6 months." "[Coughs]" "Jeremiah Hammerslag, Commander, United States Navy." "Merle Wye, intelligence." "Intelligence." "[Chuckles lightly]" "Your, uh, trip out there wouldn't have anything to do with Kobayashi, would it?" "Yes, sir, it would." "Mm-hmm." "I figured as much." "He's been my problem, too, these days." "He's been looting Navy stores, you understand?" "I was figuring that maybe we could, uh, pool our ships together and sort of sink this guy." "Thank you, sir." "Appreciate your help." "Your boss must be very important man." "Hmm, yes and no." "Plenty Navy brass on Rotohan, huh?" "Oh, no." "Just him... been there since the invasion." "Navy gave him the job as a reward." "Reward?" "What for?" "Fired on one of his own ships." "You know, uh, personally, I think this Kobayashi must be some high-mucky-muck... colonel at least, maybe even a general." "Really, sir?" "How come?" "Well, it stands to reason." "I mean, the stuff that he steals... now, where would an ordinary Japanese soldier develop a taste for, um, smoked oysters or Italian salami or anchovies packed in olive oil or fruitcake or a tin of goose liver." "You know what he stole last week?" "A whole case of bottled gefilte fish." "[Chuckles]" "No sea legs, this young fellow." "[Bumping]" "Wye, isn't it?" "My name is Billy Monk." "Hi." "Welcome to never-never land." "Thank you." "Man, am I ever glad to see you." "Take care of his stuff, Yomura." "Hey, you're gonna love here, boy." "It's a garden spot." "It's a real slice of life." "Well, it's all yours, lieutenant." "Let's travel." "Sorry, I don't drive." "You're kidding." "Everybody drives." "Well, not me." "I never learned." "Ho ho!" "Well, you're gonna learn and right now." "Hop in." "Well, I'd rather not." "Now, look, I can't take a chance like this." "They're liable to find out you can't drive and cancel your orders." "That means I'll be stuck on this lousy rock another 6 weeks." "Come on." "Hop in." "Let's go." "Ok." "Ok." "You're bucking for a head wound." "Don't be silly." "It's a piece of cake." "Now, all you do is put your left foot on the clutch." "Here." "Now shift, you give it a little gas, and you release." "It's a piece of cake." "[Engine revs]" "Here's where we are now, see, and here's the harbor, there's the command headquarters, here's the new hospital, and here's the civilian detention camp." "Well, that's the whole island." "It's not much, but you'll learn to hate it." "Now, these cliffs are full of caves, where the Japanese prisoners are holed up, including your friend Kobayashi." "Has anyone ever seen this oriental raffles?" "Nor hide nor hair." "He's as slippery as an eel in a pail of lard." "Doesn't seem to bother you very much." "Heh!" "Why should it?" "He's your problem now." "Yes, sir, I'm washed up with never-never land." "As soon as I finish briefing you on your duties, which should take about 3 1/2 minutes," "I'll be winging my way to Honolulu and into the arms of some comfortable girl." "I may stay in that position for several months." "Well, don't count on it." "That ball club plays 6 games a week, not counting exhibitions." "So I've heard." "But a guy at my age could always wrench his back in the first game, which I fully intend doing." "Anyhow, I'll be out of never-never land." "You keep calling it never-never land." "I don't get it." "On this rock, kid, there are 4,000 American men and 18 American women, heh heh... never-never land." "Can you think of a better name?" "Not offhand, no." "Females americanus... oh, that's what I hanker for." "Hey, tell me, man, what's females americanus really look like these days?" "About the same." "Boy, that's good enough." "Hey, watch it!" "Hey, keep to the right, will you?" "[Honks horn]" "Uh..." "Permit me to introduce myself." "I'm Colonel Charles Korotny, your commanding officer." "This is Lieutenant Wye, sir, my replacement." "I'm delighted." "That's all we need around here is a drunk!" "He isn't drunk, sir." "He just doesn't drive very well." "Then why was he behind the wheel?" "You have an army driver's license?" "Sir?" "Monk, I hold you personally responsible for this damage to military property." "Yes, sir." "I assume full responsibility." "That makes it easier, because you're gonna pay for every nickel's worth." "Yes, sir." "I'll send you the money from Hawaii." "You wouldn't send me a pineapple from Hawaii!" "You're gonna stay right here till you work it out." "Sir, I may not live that long." "Well, let's hope you do." "So..." "You are the big brain they sent me from intelligence?" "The master sleuth who's gonna capture Kobayashi." "I'm gonna try my best, sir." "Oh, you can do better than that, lieutenant." "You're gonna have to." "Let me explain why." "There is nothing for the army to do in this stinking tropical paradise, and as a result, the attention of the high command has become unduly focused on Kobayashi's capture." "Now, they've been on my back for some time, and you, lieutenant, you..." "Are gonna get them off." "Hmm, good boy." "Now, if you don't succeed, I can't very well punish you." "Oh, no!" "Of course not." "But if you fail," "I give you my solemn word that you will remain in this rat-infested trap until you have a beard down to here, pure white." "You read me good?" "I read you good, sir." "Now, both you gentleman have my permission to get the hell out of here." "Kobayashi, you are surrounded." "Surrender!" "Try it." "Kobayashi..." "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Echo]" "Somebody say something." "Try it again." "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Echo]" "Who is it?" "My echo." "It's talking back to me." "Come on." "Tada, take 5 minutes, scout the road." "The rest of you, fan out on either side." "Keep that horn going." "Kobayashi..." "How many Japanese would you say there were on this island?" "Well, not counting the civilians down on camp, I can tell you exactly." "We haven't the slightest idea." "You know what I'm beginning to think?" "Huh?" "There aren't any Japanese holdouts at all." "There's no such person as Kobayashi." "He's a myth, and he doesn't exist." "Sure, sure." "What about all that military equipment that keeps disappearing, like pickled olives and fruitcake and gefilte fish?" "Now, how do you account for that?" "Mice." "Now you've hit it." "Let's go tell Colonel Korotny." "He'll jump for joy." "Tada:" "Kobayashi!" "♪ Come out, come out wherever you are ♪" "Ah, well, we're wasting our time." "I still say there's no such person." "[Typewriter keys clicking]" "Did you write these letters, Tada?" "I can't even read them." "How am I supposed to censor them?" "You don't have to censor me." "I'm a good U.S. citizen." "I realize that, but I'm supposed to know what goes in your mail." "What are you doing there?" "I'm teaching the chicken to typewrite." "See?" "He's getting very good." "Yeah." "When he has his second lesson, get him to write your letters for you." "I might understand them better." "[Telephone rings]" "Intelligence here." "Oh, good morning, commander." "Hammerslag." "[Mouthing words]" "No, he isn't here right now, sir." "He's up in the hills hunting Kobayashi." "Well, that's what I was calling you about." "You know what he stole last night?" "12 cans of talcum powder, 40 pounds of dried milk, one case of Pepsi, one gross of safety pins," "3 cases of canned corn." "Now, what do you make of that?" "I don't know, sir." "Maybe he's opening up his own supermarket." "Ohh!" "[Telephone squeals]" "Ah, they're like a crossword puzzle." "Here, read them to me." "Sure." "Excuse me, Joe." "I'm busy now." "[Hen screeching, clucking]" "[Typewriter keys clicking]" "First letter is to Rose Rico." "That's my girl in Honolulu." ""Dear Rose." "Well, your letter finally reach me, though."" "What was that?" ""Your letter finally reach me, though."" "Something wrong?" "No, no, no, no." "Go ahead." ""Well, here we are in the Pacific Ocean," ""and, boy, is it hot, though." "And something hot make me think of you. (Ha ha!" ")"" "The "ha ha!"..." "That's in parenthesis." "Yeah." "Keep going." ""Hey, Rose, you are ok, though." ""Say, remember the night of may 12, 13, 14, and 15?" "Especially 15..." ""the time we leave the dance and go to the pineapple field." ""That was all right, though, hey?" "Good-bye." "Your friend, Roy Tada." Letter ok, lieutenant?" "Ah, sheer poetry." "That's great." "Let's hear another one." ""Dear Judy."" "That's my other girl." ""Well, your letter finally reach me, though." ""Well, here we are in the Pacific Ocean," ""and, boy, is it hot, though." "And something hot make me think of you. (Ha ha!" ")"" "Uh, that's the same letter." "No, no." "This one is to Judy." "Oh, you wrote the same letter to Judy that you wrote to Rose." "That's right." "Only I don't mention the pineapple field." "What do you mention?" "On the stairs behind the kitchen." "Yeah." "Next letter." ""Dear Dorothy." ""Well, your letter finally reach me, though." "Well, here we are in the Pacific Ocean..."" "yeah, I get the idea." "How many girls you got, Tada?" "Right now, only 12." "[Telephone rings]" "Intelligence here." "[Man on telephone] Let me speak to Wye." "Oh, yes, sir." "One moment, sir." "Korotny." "Wye here, sir." "What are you doing about Kobayashi?" "Well, sir, I... just to bring you up to date, lieutenant, he paid me a visit last night." "Last night, sir?" "I am now missing 6 pairs of shorts, 4 bottles of hydrogen peroxide, and all of my razor blades." "What would he want with peroxide, sir?" "He probably cut himself shaving, which is more than I could say for myself!" "Now get the lead out, lieutenant!" "Wye:" "Tell them that any civilian prisoner who gives us information on Kobayashi will receive special privileges." "[Speaking Japanese]" "Tell them they won't have to work in the fields." "[Speaking Japanese]" "Tell them..." "They can come to the camp movies on Friday." "[Speaking Japanese]" "All right, knock it off." "[Speaking Japanese]" "That's the last batch, lieutenant." "Been that way all along." "You know, the only thing we know about Kobayashi is his name, and that he travel around with a girl Michido." "A girl?" "You mean the holdouts have girls in the hills?" "Kobayashi have." "[Speaking Japanese]" "What was that all about?" "Not much." "Uh, she say, uh, you never capture Kobayashi." "Ah, she said more than that." "Yes, but no translation." "Come on, come on, let me have it." "What did she say?" "She say, "the Lieutenant is the rear end of a horse."" "She may know something." "Sure, they all know something, but... but they don't talk." "With themselves, maybe, but not to us." "Yeah." "Hey!" "You know what we need in this camp?" "A spy." "Oh, you'll never get one of them to be a spy." "Uh-uh." "I'm not thinking about one of them." "I'm thinking about one of us." "Wye:" "Now, let's go over this again, Tada." "You're supposed to be a Japanese soldier who's been holed up in the mountains for 9 months, right?" "Good." "You fooled the Americans into thinking you're a civilian, and we dumped you in Camp Rotohan." "Now, right away they're going to start asking questions." "What's your name, where do you come from, and so forth." "Now, what do you say?" "I don't want to do it." "We're not giving you a choice, Tada." "You've got to do it." "Believe me, lieutenant, I make a lousy spy." "You make a wonderful spy!" "You keep out of this!" "Sit down!" "You such a big shot?" "You be the spy!" "They know my face in that camp." "You Buddha-head!" "Who's a Buddha-head?" "!" "Oh, quiet." "Quiet." "I got a bad feeling about this." "Look, you know Tada's reputation with the women." "You going to send him down there with all that" "Japanese quail running around loose?" "Well, he's the only man they've never seen before." "Ok, but it will be like enrolling Casanova in a girls finishing school." "All right, let's start again." "First question, what's your name?" "Roy Aloysius Tada." "No, no, no." "Not your real name, your spy name." "Oh, that one." "Taiji Yamakawa." "What a lousy name." "What part of Japan do you come from?" "I'll say Hokkaido... that where my grandfather come from." "Ok, from now on, your folks still live in Hokkaido." "Understand?" "Now, what town?" "No town." "They live in the country." "Fine." "What do they do in the country?" "I guess they are farmers." "Don't guess!" "Ok, they are farmers!" "Rich farmers?" "Poor farmers." "No money." "All we eat is what we grow." "Ok." "Now, careful, now:" "What do your folks grow?" "Pineapples?" "Not pineapples, Buddha-head." "No pineapples in Japan." "Tada, it's daikon, vegetables!" "Ok!" "Don't hit!" "Hey, that reminds me." "When you were holed up in the hills, what did you live on?" "Mmm..." "Denden mushi." "Denden mushi... fine." "How did you cook them?" "I ate them raw." "Attaboy!" "Where did you find them?" "I don't know." "I don't even know what they are." "Buddha-head, they're giant snails." "And I ate them raw?" "!" "[Groaning loudly]" "Now stop that!" "Stop it!" "I don't eat no giant snails." "Not even cooked." "Now look, nobody's asking you to eat snails." "Just say you ate them, that's all." "If I say I ate them, they may give me some." "Will you cut that out?" "[Groaning loudly]" "I quit, lieutenant!" "I quit this lousy spy business!" "[Telephone rings]" "[Both speaking at once]" "Hold it!" "Yes, commander." "You have?" "Yes, sir, we'll be right over." "Commander Hammerslag has just captured Kobayashi!" "Yay!" "Hey!" "Then I don't have to be a spy?" "No lousy snails?" "Oh, boy!" "Don't hit!" "Don't hit!" "Tada!" "Wye:" "Where's Kobayashi, sir?" "Is he here?" "Kobayashi, did you say?" "Just who is this Kobayashi?" "Here you are, lieutenant." "Try that on for size." "Thank you, sir." "Sir, you said you'd caught him." "So I did." "I haven't exactly clamped the leg irons on him yet, but I will, and soon." "Right, Buckles?" "Oh, aye, aye, sir." "Can I, uh, twist your arm?" "You think you could spare a drop, sir?" "Help yourself, and give some to the young fella there." "Oh, thank you, sir." "Very kind." "To the sinking of Kobayashi, as sharp an enemy as any man would want, in war or peace." "Ah!" "Sir, if you haven't got him, just what have you got?" "I have a clue, ha ha!" "The key to the mystery." "Here you are." "Take a bearing on that." "What is it?" "That is a can of corn, my boy, a can of Iowa corn." "That make sense to you?" "I see a puzzled look in his eye, right, Buckles?" "Buckles, chuckling:" "Aye, aye, sir." "Wait, sir." "Is that one of the cans of corn that was stolen by Kobayashi?" "Now, now you're with it." "You see, we found that can of corn on one of the natives." "All we have to do is ask the native who had that can of corn who gave him that can of corn, and we have the man who stole that can of corn, right?" "Oh, very clear thinking, sir." "Ah, sir... call me Jerry." "My wife calls me jer." "All right, men?" "Down the hatch, hmm?" "Buckles?" "Aye, aye, sir." "Now, the native seems willing to talk, but, of course, we don't savvy the lingo." "That's going to be your job, young fella." "Aye, aye, sir." "Gentlemen, here's the man who's going to lead us to Kobayashi." "Tell him to sit down over there." "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "Never mind that." "Ask him where he got this can of corn." "Corn." "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Speaking foreign language]" "What did he say?" "What did he say?" "I don't know." "What do you mean, you don't know?" "You speak Japanese, don't you?" "Aye, aye, sir, but this man doesn't speak Japanese." "I think he speaks Charano." "What's "Charano"?" "It's one of the native dialects." "Oh." "Well, what we need is someone who speaks Charano." "Buckles, you and the fellow round up someone that speaks, uh, Charano." "Aye, aye, sir." "Merry Christmas." "All right, let's see if I..." "if I understand this." "Get this straight." "Now, the stout fellow here speaks Charano, right?" "Yeah, he speaks Charano and Japanese." "Good, good." "But, he don't speak no English." "We can handle English, right, Merle?" "You said it, Jerry boy!" "You ask him to ask him where he got that can of corn." "Aye, aye, sir." "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Speaking Charano]" "[Speaking foreign language]" "Uh, what did he say?" "[Speaking Japanese]" "What did he say?" "What did he say?" "He say the old man don't speak Charano." "He speaks Caroline island." "Him, he don't speak Caroline island." "Well tell him he's got to speak Carolina island!" "Tell him it's imperative to speak Carolina island!" "Well, if he don't speak it, he don't speak it!" "Can't just send him to school." "How do you like that, Buckles?" "[Slurring] I don't like it at all." "What's your suggestion?" "The obvious solution." "This guy here don't speak Charano, and this guy here don't speak Carolinian, we got to get a guy in here who speaks Carolinian." "Q.E.D." "Buckles, get on your horse." "Buckles!" "What do you want?" "I want you to go out and dig up a man that speaks Carolinian." "Where am I going to find a man who speaks Carolinimum this time of night?" "I didn't ask you where you're going to find him," "I said go find him!" "That's an order!" "All right, all right." "I'm going." "Fresh kid." "Never should have offered him liquor." "Right." "What took you so long?" "You've been gone almost an hour." "So what about it?" "You think men who speak Caroninimum grow on trees?" "You think men who speak Carolim grow on trees, sir!" "Sir." "Now let me get this straight, Merle." "I tell your man Tada here what I want to know, and he asks fatty, who asks the new man, and the new man asks the man on the cot." "Am I right?" "Ah!" "That's the ticket, Jeremiah." "You ask him, to tell him, to ask him where he got that can of corn." "Aye, aye, sir." "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Speaking Charano]" "[Speaking Carolinian]" "[Speaking Carolinian]" "W-w-what'd he say?" "[New man speaking Charano]" "What'd he say?" "[Speaking Japanese]" "What'd he say?" "What'd he say?" "He say he's been here for long time." "Can he go to the men's room?" "Hey, lieutenant." "No, don't." "Wake... don't!" "Ooh." "How you feel, lieutenant?" "You got a hung-over?" "[Whispering] Oh, I feel great." "It's just my head keeps falling off." "Oh, Tada." "How can you do that?" "Whiskey don't have no effect on me." "All it do is make me smart." "I know where the old man get can of corn." "You do?" "Where?" "Sure!" "He get it... shh, shh, shh!" "Oh, no, they couldn't have stolen it." "Are you sure that's where he got it?" "He told me." "Well, we'll soon find out." "Come on." "Hey, thanks very much." "This is the place, lieutenant." "Nice work, Tada." "Aye, aye, sir." "Good morning, sister." "Good morning." "I was told you wanted to see me." "Sister, got a problem." "A very important problem..." "And I came in the hopes that maybe you could help me." "I will try." "How long have you been an alcoholic, my son?" "[Chuckles]" "No wait, it..." "This is only temporary, believe me." "I will pray for you." "Sister, ahem." "What I came about..." "Did you give an old man a can of corn?" "[Chuckles] The old Carolinian." "Yes, of course." "You certainly haven't taken it away from him?" "Oh, no, no, no, no." "He can have it." "What we want to know is where... where did you get the can of corn in the first place?" "It was given to me, by a Japanese." "What Japanese?" "When?" "Excuse me." "One night last week, he rapped on my window." "It... it was quite late." "He asked me to do a favor for him." "The corn he gave me as a present." "Had you ever met this man before?" "No." "Would you say that he looked like a soldier?" "I don't know what he looked like." "It was quite dark outside, and he was in the shadow." "That is all the information I can give you." "One more thing, sister." "The favor he asked of you:" "What was it?" "Like most Japanese, he had rather a confused idea of our duties." "He wanted to get married and asked if I would perform the ceremony." "I hope I've helped you, young man." "Well, at least I'm back where I started." "[Chuckles]" "Thank you very, very much, sister." "You're welcome, and..." "Believe me young man, whatever the trouble is, alcohol is not the solution." "Oh, sister, honestly drinking has nothing to do with this, believe me." "Who is that unfortunate man?" "Well, you may find this hard to believe, sister, but that unfortunate man is a United States spy." "[Gasps]" "Come on, spy." "Fill me in on this set-up." "Well, sir, our spy sneaks down to that field." "On cue, he'll surrender to you in full view of the Japanese civilians." "Uh-huh." "That will make it look authentic so they won't be suspicious when we put him in the compound." "You think it'll work?" "Well, it better." "You have your spy all briefed?" "Yes, sir." "This is a spy?" "All right, get going and see how many follow-ups you can manage." "All right, Tada." "Scramble down to that field." "Do I got to be captured by those guys?" "Somebody maybe get trigger-happy and put a bullet through me." "There won't be a shot fired in the whole operation, I promise... not a shot." "Certainly not." "You got any last questions?" "What you mean, "last questions?"" "Nothing!" "He didn't mean anything by it." "Now go on, get crawling." "Lieutenant, when this is over, if I'm dead," "I hold you personally responsible." "Everyone, over here." "[Speaking Japanese]" "We believe a Japanese soldier is hiding in this field." "[Speaking Japanese]" "If you have been helping him in any way, this is a very serious offense." "[Speaking Japanese]" "Have any of you seen a Japanese soldier in this field?" "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Stammers] What's going on here?" "What's she talking about?" "No translation." "Wye:" "I'd say offhand, sir, it was some sort of a compliment." "You'd say offhand, lieutenant?" "Y'think offhand." "I don't know why I listen to you." "I must be some kind of a nut." "[Speaking Japanese]" "Japanese soldier:" "American soldiers are reconnoitering this field." "You have fought well." "Surrender is no disgrace." "[Speaking Japanese]" "Come out with your hands over your head." "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "Hey, that's not Tada!" "No." "Hey, we got ourselves a dividend." "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "Hey, looks like we hit the jackpot." "[Yomura speaking Japanese on bullhorn]" "Hey... 2 real prisoners." "How authentic can you get?" "All right, bring them in." "[Truck horn blowing, motor approaching]" "Nurses!" "Females Americanus." "Blue?" "I can't believe it." "Hey!" "Hey!" "That looks like Merle Wye!" "What's going on?" "Driver, can you stop a minute?" "All right, knock it off!" "Come on, you men, bring them in." "Soldier:" "Hey!" "Hey, one of them's escaped!" "It's Tada!" "Tada's gone!" "Tada?" "Why would he want to escape?" "I was about to ask that question myself, gentlemen, before I court-martial both of you." "Sir, I... just tell me one thing!" "Who's on their side, who's on ours?" "Where is that guy?" "Hey..." "Look." "[Both speaking Japanese]" "[Tada speaking Japanese, muffled]" "Tada:" "Ow!" "[Woman shouting in Japanese]" "Just what do you think you're doing, Tada?" "What I'm doing?" "What you doing?" "I'm trying to surrender when this wahine run up and knock me down!" "Didn't nobody see me?" "Don't nobody care what happen to me, though?" "I could have suffocate!" "Ok, ok, you're doing fine." "You got one leg in a bronze star." "Now, just... just keep going." "Bronze star?" "!" "[Speaking Japanese]" "What did you say, Tada?" "No translation." "Blue:" "Hey, Merle!" "Hey!" "Don't open your mouth." "Act captured." "Oh, hiya, Blue." "What are you doing here?" "The new hospital." "What's all the excitement?" "Oh, nothing much." "Just rounding up a few Japanese soldiers." "For heaven's sake." "Out there." "Is that one of them?" "Ah, it's..." "One of our little boys, yeah." "I've never seen an enemy before." "Did you have much trouble with him?" "Ah, a little, but, uh, trouble's our business down here." "Boy, you never know what they're thinking, do you?" "Uh, sometime, yeah, and I don't like it so good." "Look at him." "I get the idea he knows everything I'm saying." "I guess I owe you an apology..." "For what I said that night in Honolulu." "Ah, it's ok." "I certainly wouldn't call this relieving a soldier for combat duty." "Well, I figure it's good to have a job of war, long as there's one going on." "Woman:" "Come on, girl!" "Let's go!" "Back in the truck!" "Blue!" "Listen, Merle, call me." "Real soon." "Sure." "If I find time." "Oh!" "They're having a welcome party for us tonight at the hospital." "Will you come?" "Could be." "Try, please." "Good-bye, Merle." "Hey, this deal's working out pretty good, huh?" "Not bad." "Not bad, not bad." "You get a girl, I get stuck in jail." "Fine deal." "[Swing music playing]" "See anything in my age bracket?" "You got something in your sights?" "Hey, females americanus." "Middle ageus." "Good hunting, old man." "[All laughing]" "Hiya, Blue." "Oh!" "Hello, Merle." "How nice." "I'm sure you know Colonel Korotny." "Yes." "We're old buddies." "Why don't you drive through my office sometime and see me?" "May talk to you for a minute, sir?" "Oh, yes, yes." "Excuse me?" "Sure." "Shall we?" "Sorry." "I've promised this one to Colonel Korotny." "For this dance, I am outranked." "Uh-huh." "You're also outranked for the next 12." "Blue, I was under the impression that we had a date tonight." "Well, maybe you should have called me." "I couldn't, I... we went out there again." "You mean battling those poor, helpless, little Japanese soldiers, who roam about the hills without food or guns?" "How terribly exciting." "Tell me:" "Did you suffer any casualties?" "Yeah... tripped over a rock." "Mm-hmm." "You haven't changed a bit, have you?" "Merle, why do you do these things?" "How can you be such a fake?" "Oh, it's not hard." "I've been practicing." "All right." "If you want to stick around, I'll see what I can do about a dance." "Shall we?" "Ok." "[Music ends]" "Boy, I'm sure getting the breaks these days." "Every time I turn around, I run my face into a wall." "Sorry, Merle." "Well, anyway, I can walk you home." "Ah-ah." "You just hit another wall." "Oh, no." "I promised someone else." "Blue, listen." "Ever since I landed on this rock," "I've been thinking about you." "Now, I don't know who this joker is, but get rid of him, huh?" "You don't have to be nasty, but just give him the brush." ""Good night, sir." That's all you say." "Don't ask him, just tell him: "Good night, sir."" "You tell him." "Good night, sir." "Let's make a note to get these buildings painted." "Right you are, lieutenant." "There he is." "You got any dope for us?" "How are things going?" "Not too bad, except the fella in the next room to me snore all night long, and I don't get hardly any sleep." "The walls are here, very thin." "The cooking taste funny." "And the plumbing ain't no good at all." "You're not down here to conduct a housing survey, you know." "You're a spy." "I been spying." "Every day I'm spying." "All right." "What have you learned?" "See that girl over there?" "Yeah, the one who knocked you down?" "What about her?" "I think she likes me." "Oh, for the love of..." "I warned you..." "I told you." "Tada, if you've been making time with that little pigeon instead of working, I'll have your tail in a sling." "Akiko is very important girl." "She knows many things." "Yeah, especially what you've been teaching her." "I don't teach her." "She teach me." "I got to go now." "Tonight, she going to make me dinner." "And I'm going to learn plenty tonight." "Good-bye, now." "As I predicted." "You send a spy to a girls finishing school, and..." "I think he's finished." "[Speaking Japanese]" "Why don't we speak English?" "Ok." "Anything you want." "All the same to... you... you speak English?" "Yes." "Many Japanese do." "But..." "How you know I do?" "Many Americans speak Japanese also." "To be spy, is required to speak both." "Akiko, if people here know I'm spy, my life not worth a red yen." "Very true." "Eat your rice." "I think I lose appetite." "What you do?" "You tell others?" "Drink your sake." "[Gulps]" "Thought we'd take a drive in the hills." "Terrific view." "We can see the whole island." "Hey, a tropical picnic." "That's a pretty cute idea." "Aw, what time you due back?" "6:00." "4 hours!" "Hey, on past performances, that's a lifetime." "Hold it!" "Hold it!" "Sorry, boy, the picnic's over." "I'm just getting started." "We've got to interrogate a prisoner." "Japanese holdout just walked into camp and surrendered." "I don't give a hoot if Tojo just walked in and surrendered." "The prisoner happens to be Kobayashi's girlfriend." "Do you give a hoot now?" "Now, let's get going." "[Speaking Japanese]" "I don't get no place." "All she admits, she's Kobayashi's friend Michido." "Try her again." "Find out if Kobayashi's been stealing food for her." "[Speaking Japanese]" "Oh, sure he has." "Get a load of the figure on her." "She's been guzzling gefilte fish by the bucketful." "Yeah, for a holdout, she is sort of dumpy." "He really had to work to put all that lard on her." "What a pair of goofs you are!" "Don't you know anything?" "This girl's going to have a baby." "You mean, it isn't all gefilte fish?" "Ask if she's going to have a baby." "Michido..." "[Clears throat]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "That's why Kobayashi wanted to marry her." "He wanted to give the child a name." "Sam Kobayashi." "That's a favor?" "Don't joke about it." "That fancy food he was stealing... it makes sense now." "It was for her." "Sure." "Hey, who else but a kid in a mess would mix gefilte fish and salami?" "Ask her if Kobayashi still wants to get hitched." "Tell her I'll be the best man." "No." "No more questions, Merle..." "Blue, we've got to." "Just a couple." "Not in her condition." "Her condition?" "She's been bouncing around these mountains like a gazelle." "If I was in her condition, I'd try out for the Yankees." "Nevertheless, this girl is going to the hospital, and now." "Call a field ambulance." "Would you mind letting us give the orders?" "Don't argue with me." "Just do it!" "Lieutenant, you're monkeying with intelligence." "I'm glad you told me." "I'd never have guessed." "Now, wait a minute." "Now... [crying]" "Now look what you've done!" "As if she wasn't scared enough already." "Hey, it's all right." "Everything's going to be just fine." "Hey, lots of girls have babies..." "Japanese girls, American girls, and it always turns out all right." "So, don't you worry, hear?" "Because we're going to take real good care of you, and your baby is going to be just beautiful." "Blue..." "She doesn't understand a word you're saying." "Arigato gozaimasu." "She doesn't, huh?" "Merle:" "Get me an ambulance, please." "Oh, Merle." "This is beautiful." "There's a ledge around here." "Just the spot." "Mmm, good." "Mmm." "How about another sandwich?" "Uh-uh." "There's more beer left." "We better get started." "It's getting late." "There's no rush." "Is it really ok for us to be so far from camp?" "It's ok with me." "At least up here," "I don't have to compete with colonels!" "[Echo] Compete with colonels!" "Just the same, what time is it?" "Oh, who cares, Blue?" "Merle, did you hurt yourself?" "Nah." "I got a strange impression that you're trying to avoid me." "Maybe." "Yes." "Yeah, well, you didn't try this hard back in Honolulu." "Merle, I'm glad you brought that up." "That night in your place, if I gave you the idea that, well... if I misled you in any way, it was very thoughtless of me, even cruel, and I want to apologize for it." "Oh, listen, Blue." "If there was any misleading... as I've told you before, I think you're very sweet, in spite of a few basic faults." "I've always enjoyed your company, and I want us to remain friends." "More than friends." "Like..." "like, well, like brother and sister." "I..." "I think it's best to be honest." "Not only honest, you're insulting." "I'm sorry." "I don't mean to be." "Oh, that's all right." "Well, anyway, I know where I stand." "So long, sis." "Merle." "Merle, what are we doing?" "I don't know." "Let's find out." "Shame on you." "Now I'm really confused." "Will you please tell me what happened?" "Nothing happened, and nothing's going to happen, you... you bluebeard, you!" "Bluebeard!" "Me?" "Hey, listen!" "Hey, Blue, you can't walk." "That's 5 Miles." "Oh, for the love of..." "Ohh!" "Uhh!" "Every day I get it... inquiries from Ocean Command." "What's the delay on the Kobayashi matter?" "Why haven't you captured Kobayashi?" "Well, why haven't you?" "General, I... you call yourself a colonel." "You get me some action on this thing, or you'll be answering to second lieutenant!" "Sir, if you'd let me explain... never mind the excuses!" "I've had enough excuses." "Do something!" "Yes, sir." "I will!" "You call yourself an intelligence officer." "From all the intelligence you've given us," "Kobayashi could be building a flattop back in those hills!" "Oh, but..." "I'm not surprised." "I had a premonition about you the day you came through that wall." "However, you don't seem worried." "In fact, you seem quite content to remain on this island, possibly due to the presence of a well-stacked lady lieutenant." "Well, I'm going to fix that wagon, but good!" "Oh, but, colonel... if you haven't laid your hands on Kobayashi by Sunday next," "I'm going to have you transferred to Molobussy Rock." "Ever hear of it?" "No, sir." "Nobody has!" "Except the 6 people stationed there." "All men!" "Heh heh." "You read me clearly?" "I read... out!" "Sir." "What do you think you're doing, sergeant?" "Get to work!" "Me?" "I was just... what, are you planted there or something?" "Look alive!" "What did I do?" "All I did, I was just... you're supposed to be sweeping!" "Well, sweep!" "This is a battlefront, not Waikiki Beach!" "Swing that broom, you Buddha-head!" "What are you looking at?" "Get moving!" "[Barking]" "See anything?" "Boy, there's not a sign of him." "He's got to be here someplace." "Sure, even if they planted him underground." "Don't." "If anything happens to that kid, I'll hang myself." "[Man and woman laughing]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "Ohh!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "[Speaking Japanese]" "Psst, Tada." "Come here." "Hi there, lieutenant." "What's a good word?" "Get over here." "Sure." "And we were worried about this guy." "What do you think you're doing?" "I was having my bath." "Akiko treating me real good." "Yeah, you're really having a ball for yourself down here, aren't you?" "I get by." "Yeah." "Well, look, Naki-Pu, if you want to stay in this oriental paradise, you better dig up some information, and fast." "I got information." "Very important." "The people down here say now, it's a very good thing for them that American army occupy this island." "So, Sunday night, they are going to give a big entertainment in honor of army brass, and me..." "I'm going to be in the show!" "Now, that's what I call hot news." "Yeah, we may give you the bronze star, right in the teeth." "Wait!" "I got more." "You know who's going to be here that night?" "Kobayashi hisself!" "How do you know?" "What you mean, how I know?" "I'm a spy, ain't I?" "Akiko told me." "And something else, too." "Akiko going to point him out to us." "What do you mean?" "She's going to turn him in?" "Sure." "Akiko on our side now." "I been indoctrinating her." "I'll bet you have." "No fooling." "I tell her, it's better Kobayashi gets captured." "Then, he don't get hurt." "[Cups rattling]" "Excuse me." "It's time for my tea." "Those men, what they want?" "You knew they were here?" "I am listening behind the screen." "Oh, sure." "It was nothing much." "Just some spy talk." "Ne, what does it mean, "indocrinating"?" "Indoctrinating?" "That is very important." "It means..." "Like this." "I think perhaps I like "indocrinating."" "This is the greatest failure in the spy racket since Mata Hari blew it in 1918." "Now, you remember if there's anything you need, you or him, you be sure and call me at the hospital." "Understand?" "Hospital?" "Ok, good-bye." "Blue, please." "I'm sorry about what happened, and if you just try to forget," "I promise I'll never lose my head again, even if you lose yours first." "Brief me, lieutenant." "I lost my head when?" "Well, that day up on the cliff, you know." "I did no such thing." "Well, I still got black-and-blue marks to prove it." "Where?" "Well, let's not get technical." "Now, you look here, Lieutenant Wye, if you think you're going to blame me for... ok, ok, ok!" "I'm the one." "It's me." "I'm a beast!" "And do you know why?" "Because I'm out of my crazy head about you, that's why." "Is that a crime?" "[Crowd laughing]" "Whoa!" "Hey!" "It's me..." "Roy Tada." "I'm wearing a mask." "Are you sure?" "Maybe you're very, very sick." "Ha ha ha!" "What's the plan?" "When Kobayashi comes," "Akiko going to point him out to me." "Then I scratch my head like this." "See?" "Then, you move in for capture." "Well, what time will he get here?" "Sometime during the show." "But Japanese show sometime go all night." "Well, lots of luck." "Psst." "Merle:" "Good evening, sir." "Time is running out, lieutenant." "But, of course, I don't have to remind you." "Are you packed yet?" "I see you're wearing a side arm, which in your case, can only mean that you're planning to shoot yourself." "It's not a bad notion." "[Gong sounds]" "Greetings to American army." "We are invite you here tonight with great honor." "To instigate the festivity, we present now 3 so beautiful Japanese dancing girls." "Hey, I haven't seen any dancing girls since I left the states." "[Applause]" "For your next pleasurable entertaining, we present, for your approval, exhibition of an ancient Japanese fencing match." "Here comes our spy." "[Yelling]" "[Laughing]" "Ohh." "There goes our spy." "He may need medical attention." "Is he coming around?" "I don't know." "We may have to take him to the hospital." "Oh, he'll be all right." "Just throw some water in his face." "Rub his wrists, rub his wrists." "Oh, sure." "Water in the face." "Where did you get your medical degree, doctor?" "Blue, please." "We've got to get this man on his feet." "We need him." "What are you talking about?" "I can't explain now, but he's an American." "He doesn't look like an American." "Well, I can't help what he looks like." "He happens to be an American spy." "Hey, here he is. [Groaning]" "Here he is." "Hi, lieutenant." "How you like my act?" "Your act was fine." "How's your head?" "I think I got bumped." "Not bad though, eh?" "Just a small one." "Yeah, feels like a basketball." "I'll be ok, though." "Good boy, Tada." "I'm going to see that you get the purple heart for this." "Yeah, sure." "I'm going to be all covered up with medals." "All I got to do is live long enough, though." "So, that's what a spy looks like." "I always wondered." "He's going to help us capture Kobayashi tonight." "He is?" "Maybe you're the one that needs water in the face." "Psst!" "Psst!" "Psst!" "[Applause]" "It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you Akiko Tanikawa, the sweetheart of Rotohan Detention Camp." "[Singing in Japanese]" "♪ I like a gershwin tune ♪" "[Speaking Japanese]" "♪ I like a fireside ♪" "♪ When a storm is due ♪" "[Speaking Japanese]" "♪ How about you?" "♪" "♪ I like to read good books ♪" "♪ Can't get my fill ♪" "♪ But all the soldiers' looks ♪" "♪ They give me a thrill ♪" "♪ Holding hands in a movie show ♪" "♪ When all the lights are low ♪" "♪ May not be new, but ♪" "♪ I like it ♪" "♪ I like it ♪" "♪ I like it ♪" "♪ How about ♪" "[Speaking Japanese]" "♪ You?" "♪" "[Applause]" "For another big attraction of the evening, we presenting now the butterfly man, the great Japanese artist of tightrope." "[Audience gasps]" "[Applause]" "Psst!" "That guy's Kobayashi?" "Tada must have ripped his buttons." "I'd like to rip his buttons." "Wait till I get my hands on him." "Must have been that hit on the head." "Look at him, will you?" "He's gone goofy." "Let's go humor him." "[Applause]" "And now, to so fine audience, and to someone very special to me," "I will perform a trick as never performed before... a back leap on the wire." "You ask him." "I feel like a dope." "Excuse me, sir." "We'd like to talk to you about a man named Kobayashi." "Hey, I think it's him!" "Kobayashi!" "Stop that man!" "Stop that man!" "Stop or I'll shoot!" "Hey, look out with that thing." "I don't believe it." "I don't believe it." "You mean, the man who escaped was actually Kobayashi?" "Sir... not a soldier, but a circus performer." "Michido said he come here to entertain the Japanese troops." "That's how she meet him." "Not even a soldier, and you let him slip through your fingers." "You're a sad case, lieutenant." "You must really work hard at being that stupid." "I'm truly sorry for you." "However, I have an open mind, and if you have anything to say in your defense, say it quickly before it closes, and before you catch that plane tomorrow." "Nothing to say, sir." "Excuse me." "Merle." "Where are you going?" "Molobussy Rock, if I can locate it." "I'm sorry, really I am." "Will you write to me?" "Sure." "Sure." "There's probably a mail boat once every 6 months or so." "Yeah, we'll keep in very close touch." "So long, Blue." "Merle, wait." "Drive me back to the hospital?" "The long way." "Let's sit a while, shall we?" "Sure you want to?" "It's sort of damp." "I'll get you something." "Merle!" "[Echo] Merle!" "Coming!" "Blue?" "Blue!" "Where are you?" "[Echo] Where are you?" "Blue!" "[Echo] Blue!" "Uhh!" "Blue, are you down there?" "[Echo] Down there?" "Blue?" "Merle!" "Look out!" "All right, Kobayashi." "It's all over now." "Now, just relax and come along quietly." "Well, there's nothing to be afraid of." "No harm will come to you, I promise." "Don't make me use force." "I don't want to use force, but if I have to..." "I will!" "I mean it, Kobayashi." "I'm a bigger man than you, and I don't want to take advantage, so you better think twice." "'Cause you could get hurt this way, really." "You could get hurt... uhh!" "Aah!" "Unh." "Real bad." "Merle, are you all right?" "So, you won't listen, uh?" "So, you want to play rough." "Shouldn't have done that..." "'Cause you're cornered." "You're trapped, and there's nothing you can do about it!" "Ohh!" "Use your head." "Give up now while there's still time." "Merle, who's winning?" "Aah!" "Surrender is no disgrace." "You will be treated not as a thief, but as a warrior with respect and honor." "And besides, you'll see Michido again and your son." "And you'd like to see your son again, wouldn't you?" "And do that funny trick for him." "Why, of course you would." "[Grunts]" "Do not be afraid of losing face." "Uh!" "You see, I didn't want to do that to him." "I didn't want to do it." "Don't worry, you didn't." "[Applause]" "Good boy." "[Applause]" "Wye, voice-over:" "That's how I won my second purple heart, and along with it," "Lieutenant Molly Blue." "♪ Horizontal Lieutenant ♪" "♪ Hup, 2, 3, 4 ♪" "♪ Horizontal Lieutenant ♪" "♪ Hup, 2, 3, 4 ♪"