"All right folks, that's it for me, I'm going to sleep." "Those of you just waking up, I offer you my sincere condolences." "Good morning Barstow." "Let me fix you something." "We need milk." "I think I might be getting rickets." "How does eggs sound." "Thanks, but I'm gonna miss the bus." "Hey, can you take a look at these?" " Ok Mom, I will..." "Bye." " Bye." "Thanks." "Stuck on twenty-four?" "Do we need like our calculator's or something?" "In a perfect environment, it would continue on forever." "Never changing direction, speed, just continuing." "But the world we live in is not perfect environment, and so friction will take hold." "Same is true about objects at rest." "They just stay there, forever." " Waiting to be..." " Acted upon by an outside force." "Thank you, Mr. Datine." "Huh... so, do we need like our calculators or...?" "C..." "The answer is C." "My wife framed that for my birthday." "Hence the flower patterns in the wood." "You went to Stanford?" "Yeah." "That's impressive." "Yeah." "Why aren't you..." "Because I'm here." "Maybe you're just suffering from inertia." "Yeah... maybe I am." "Why do Colleges make you wait so long?" "Relax." "But what if I don't get in." "What if you don't get it?" "I'm not worried though." "Really." "I'm not." "Of course not... you just bring it up a hundred times a day." "I have a theory." "It's not the most popular, or the jocks that succeed in life." "It's the..." "the nameless faces." "The ones who come out of nowhere and take over the world." "You mean the socially retarded." "No asshole..." "Us." "Bill Gates, George Lucas, the guys who invented Google." "They weren't wearing letterman's jackets, banging chicks in the back of their trucks, they were us dude." "What about all the nameless faces... that become shoe salesman, dishwashers, convicts." "Whatever dude." "Just know that I know." "Know that I know that one day... both of us are going to be very, very rich." "Thousands of miles away from here, in our million dollar mansions, complaining about how... bored and unfulfilled we are." "Yes, yes, that's what I'm talking about." "Common, let's do it." "Ten questions, multiple choice." "If you did your reading, you should have no problem." " Hey..." " Andrew." "That's totally what I meant, uh... do you think, that you could not cover up your answers this time?" "Yeah... yeah, sure." "Thanks." "Bill Gates, George Lucas, and us." "Andrew!" " Hey." " Hey." "Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" "Have a seat." "So, have you heard anything yet?" "About what?" "Colleges." "I wrote you a pretty glowing recommendation." "I think I even spell checked." "Yeah, I appreciate that." "I didn't send in my applications." "May I ask why?" "Well, I just have this..." "timing issue... thing." "I don't understand." "Is there something wrong at home, or?" "..." "No, nothing like that." "Listen." "Whatever this timing issue thing is." "And I don't know if it's your mom, or what happened with your Dad," "Life sucks sometimes Andrew." "Life sucks?" "Sure... it sucks." "I mean, sometimes we're happy, but mostly... it sucks." "Every now and then we have a moment of relief, but life..." "life has this way of... are you getting any of this?" " Say something." " You say something." "Stop being such a pussy." "I..." "I really like you're braces." "Asshole." "Nice." "Are you gonna put the magazine down?" "Or am I gonna have to fire you." "Sorry." "The toilet's clogged." "It's not hard." "You shit, wipe and... flush." "Why can't people flush?" "Sweet Jesus." "Hey... dude." "I'd hump her feet if she'd let me." "Real girls don't look like that." "How do you know?" "You don't even talk to girls." "I talk to girls." "You only talk to you're Mom." "And that's kinda weird." "Yeah, and you're family is normal." "Hey, can I...?" "Yeah." "Sweet." "It's me and you tonight, lady." "All right buddy, catch you later." "Hey." " Anything good on?" " Hm'hm." "They're in Cleveland tonight." "Domestic disturbances, and prostitution busts." "I've seen better." "Do they really need to be wearing sunglasses at night?" "I think it's kinda hot." "They should come to Barstow." "We could use the publicity." "I... uh, called the landlord, and she will wait another week." "I deposited my check, so that should be enough time." "She making passes at you again?" "No." "There's some chicken fried rice left in the fridge." " Let me heat if up for you." " No, I got it." "Nope, I'm your mother, and you're my son." "Let me at least try to be motherly." "All right, but just don't make it too hot." "I remember when I was you're age, you were just a baby learning how to walk." "I used to grab both you're little hands... and try to teach you how to take steps." "But no, you didn't want my help." "You wanted to learn by yourself." "So I'd sit there and watch." "I watched you fall and hit your head so many times." "That explains a lot." "You'd cry, get tired of crying and try again." "Same thing with riding a bike." "It's hard being a mother when you're son doesn't need you." "Never really feel like a mother." "Well you cook me chicken fried rice." "That's more than a lotta mothers I know." "Oh shit." "I am supposed to close up for Allison tonight." "Hey, where're my keys?" "On the thingy." "Hey, hey, don't wait up." "Now get this." "Turns out Dora is Rosaria's long lost cousin." "And she had been the one all a long practicing Santeria... on Maria in order to stop the wedding." "And the only one who knew this was Monica." "And everyone knows she's been in a comma with a tumor and all." "How did I miss that?" "Well, turns out she wasn't in a comma, she was really possessed." " Oh Lord Jesus." " By Demons." "And the only one with the power to evoke them was..." " Alfredo." " Hm'hm, but... he's been in the Cayman Island's trying to find his mothers killer." "Honey." "I got it." "Are you trying to make us look bad?" "I didn't think this..." "It's table two." "They don't like the tea, and they say the Orange Chicken tastes like oranges." " Listen, honey." " Jenny." "Jenny, yeah, don't let them see you sweat." "And... uh, just for the tips." "Thanks." "Sandra, I have to go to the PTA meeting." "Make sure you turn the lights off when you close up." "You got it." "Or you can wait up for me, and we can have a beer together." "Yeah, that's really tempting, but... no." "Ok." "I'll have a beer with you." " No..." " I can't, just kidding." "It began as a trend in fashion and music, but this craze has become deadly in local high schools." "It's an abbreviation for emotional." "But EMO has been the source of numerous disturbances." "Sir, are you all right?" "Yeah." " Have you been doing Whippit?" " No." "Then why... why is there whipped cream on your face?" "Happy birthday." "Good night Sandra." "Good night." " Hey." " You never smelled like this before." "I smell like beef and broccoli." "I like it." "Then you can help me finish refilling the sauce containers." "I couldn't stop thinking about you all day long." "Naked." "I have to do the fortune cookies." "I wrote a new song about you." "Oh yeah, about what?" "You're all I think about." "Even at night when it's too hot to sleep?" "Every night, every day." "Every moment..." "I'm depressed." "I didn't foresee my career stalling in Barstow." "It's ok that people don't listed to my show." "The signal's not that strong." "Anyone up this hour is probably high on meth, but if you are listening, and you have a problem, call in." "I might not be able to change your life, but... huh, at least I'll know that people are listening." "Hey." "Hey." "My name's Eric, right?" "Shit, that was last month." "You know what." "What." "You're probably Travis." "No, my name is Cody." "And I'm a friend of your mother's." "How old are you?" "It was nice meeting you man, but I'm gonna to get going." "Andrew." "Hey." "Hey." "What're you doing?" "Shelving." "So I guess that means you are a stock boy, right?" "Yeah, I guess something like that." "Stock boy... that's great." "That's fantastic, really." "Thanks." "Have you always had ambitions to be a stock boy?" "What?" "Well, you're not going to college, so this is gonna be you're full time job, right?" "You know, call me crazy, but I..." "I always had you pegged as a kid... that I could brag about." "Andrew Datine, hell of a student." "Look how much he's done for this world." "But hey... this is good too." "Ok, it's not like that, I'm gonna be taking classes... classes over at City College." "Yeah." "But you'll still be working here." "And with a smart kid like you, they would be stupid not to... put you on the fast track for management." "So, instead of transferring to a four-year college, you'll buy that car you really wanted, and you'll start going to bars on the weekends, and of course you'll meet a girl." "And she's probably not all that stimulating, but she fucks you on the first date, which blows your mind." "But hey, you got a car." "You've got money in your pocket." "Why shouldn't she?" "So then, you start dating and you find out... that you share none of the same interests, and maybe she drinks a little bit too much, but you can't get over the fact... that you're getting laid consistently." "So, of course one night, after a few too many, the condom slips off, or breaks and she gets pregnant." "Abortion is an option, but she really doesn't wanna get rid of it, but there's really nothing you can do about it." "OK, I have customers." "Fuck your customers." "So then you wake up one morning... and all of a sudden you're 45 years old with three kids... and the faint memories of some faint ambitions... you had when you were younger." "You try to remember what they were... and you can't." "But what does it matter." "The kids are crying, your wife won't wake up, cause she's hung over from the night before, and you've got to open up the bookstore in 20 minutes." "I have to work." "Hey it's Saturday." "Why aren't you out getting wasted?" "Don't really feel like it." "Come on." "No hot date?" "Well, guess what?" "I'm your date." "Take me to a movie." "We can't afford a movie." "OK..." "let's go to Vegas." "You're kidding." "No." "We go to the bank, withdraw everything we have, put it on black, play some craps, double up again and go see..." "Blue Man people." "Group..." "Blue Man Group." "Whatever, come on, let's do it." "You know we can't." "OK fine..." "I'll rent you a movie." "I want one with big tits and explosions... or one with big tits and... guns." "Bang, bang, oh... oh... save me." "If you say no, then you're grounded for a month." " Fine." " Fine?" "You're not gonna fucking believe this." "It's unbelievable." "What?" "I woke up with the biggest boner of my entire life." "Good for you." "No, dude, you don't understand." "It's not natural." "OK." "I..." "I go in the bathroom, I jack off." "You know." "Thing's still there." "It won't go down." "I yell at it, I tucked it up under my belt, I ignored it." "Dude, I jacked off 4 times." "It's still there." "Hard as a rock." "How'd you get it to go down?" "Chocolate milk." "Chocolate milk." "Yeah, totally dropped my boner." "And that's why you missed the bus." "Exactly." "What're you gonna tell the principle?" "Who knows man, who knows?" "We're done." "Great." "What should we do now?" "Whatever you wanna do." "I am gonna go to college." "OK." "I mean, I'd be saving a lotta money going to a JC for 2 years anyway." "Andrew..." "I'm in the middle of reading this, can you sit down please." "Hi, we're all outta the Won-Ton soup, but..." "it wasn't that good anyway." "Is Sandra here?" "Um..." "she called in sick." "Did you still want something?" "No thanks." "Actually yeah." " Yes, please." " Okay..." "I'll give you a sec to look at the menu." "She's not dying is she?" "No, but she's..." "she's pretty sick." "Stomach flu." "Yeah, yeah... something like that." "Whatever he wants, it's on the house." "Sure thing..." "Wow, big shot, huh?" "No, not really." "I'll have the chicken fried rice." "That's it?" "That's it." "There you go." "Thanks." "Do you come here a lot?" " Kinda." " Well, I'm new here, so, I'm just trying to figure out who the regular customers are." "But everyone is really nice, and the food is really good." "Which is totally cool." "Cool." " I'm Jenny by the way." " Ah'ha..." "Nice meeting you." "Alright, well... um, nice talking to you." "How you feeling?" "Good." "Mr. Wang wanted me to give this to you." "I think it's your paycheck." " Andrew." " I covered you." "Don't worry." "I went to see a friend." "Yeah, I think I met him." "What's his name?" "Cody." "He's a very nice young man." "Yeah, he seemed nice." "Do you work with him?" "No, he's a musician." "Country music, with a little rock'n'roll to it." "I hate country music." "Well, you're a teenager, you hate a lotta things." "I like rice." "He makes beautiful music." "Scout at the talent show says he could be the next Toby Keith." "So, is Cody you're new guy?" "You're new boyfriend." "It's been a while since your father left Andrew." "I'm allowed to enjoy my life." "He didn't leave us, he killed himself." "Jesus Christ Andrew, you know what I mean." "Yeah, I know what you mean." "You think I'm a bad mother, huh?" "Don't put words in my mouth." "I don't have to put words in your mouth Andrew," "I can read it all over your face." "You know woman my age are not supposed to be alone." "It wears on a person." "Loneliness wears." "If I didn't like him, would you stop seeing him?" " Why're you asking me this?" " Because I don't like him." "All I want for you is your happiness." "I hope you want the same for me." "He's an asshole." "When I'm lying in bed a night, I turn to my left, and I don't see anybody, it makes me feel..." "I just get so goddamn lonely in this house." "I know." "You brought me chocolates." "I'm more of a flowers type of guy, but I appreciate the gesture." "We'll, they're for your Mom." "I know Cody." "I'm just fucking with you." "I really like your mom, Andrew." "She gave you keys to the house, didn't she?" "No..." "Yeah..." "Yeah, she did." "Good for you." "Listen Andrew, I know we didn't get off to a very good start." "I just wanna be friends." "Friends?" "Yeah, maybe we can go and play some basketball sometime." "You don't like me do you?" "No." "Yeah... well... we'll see." "Sorry... we're closed." "Hey!" "..." "It's you." "You're in luck." "You don't really talk much, do you?" "Excuse me?" "Well, it's just the second time you've been in here today, and the same order, Chicken Fried rice." "And you haven't said anything, no small talk, nothing." "Yeah..." "Look, it's just... since I've been living here I haven't seen or talked anyone... who wasn't "A", Over the age of 75, or "B", just outta prison, and "C", missing a few teeth." "Say something." "Thank you." "No." "I... um, I like this chicken fried rice..." "Wrong answer." "I like coming here." "We'll work on this in small increments." "I'll be mopping the floors if you need me." "I can't sleep, last night while I stared at my ceiling..." "I started to obsess about all the different kind of ways I could die." "Nuclear annihilation, hi levels of chrome in my tap water, dangerous bacteria in my refrigerator, faulty escalators, spontaneous combustion." "Then I began to dwell on a girl..." "I dated in my sophomore year in college." "She used to sneak out of my dorm room... when she thought I was asleep, and how fucking lonely that made me feel." "I say fuck because no one's fucking listening at this hour." "So fucking lonely." "When I finally fell asleep, my last mental image was that of my dental hygienist." "She wasn't angry with me..." "holy shit, holy fucking shit." "Hello, hello, anybody there." "Sorry listeners, too good to be true." "I'm here." "What's your name." "Do I have to give you my name?" "Well, I need to call you something." "My name is Jeremy." "Ron Jeremy." "Ok, Ron Jeremy." "Why are you calling?" "Well, I couldn't sleep either." "I just wanted you to know." " Okay, so..." " Why can't you sleep?" "Look, you called in for a reason, it doesn't take a genius to figure out something's up." "My Mom's sleeping with... a twenty-two year old aspiring country singer." "And how old are you?" " Eighteen." " Shit." "She's been depressed, my Dad died a few years back." "Wow, sounds like you got a lot on your plate." "Yeah, I guess." "So what's next, college?" "I wish." "Alright, man... huh, what'd you do for fun?" "Snort meth..." "we cook it in the garage." "Ok." "I'm kidding." "Do you have a girlfriend?" "No, but... huh, I met a girl." "You take her our yet?" "What... for hamburgers and French fries, or maybe to the sock hop?" "Yeah smart ass, it's called a date." "No." "He who waits upon fortune, is never sure of dinner." "What'd you mean by that?" "I don't really know." "Hungry?" "I'm OK." "Let me cook you some eggs." "Hm?" "How does eggs sound." "We don't have any eggs." "Everyone, would you... huh, please, take your seats for me." "Look... um, I really don't know how to tell you guys this, but... huh, Mr. Johns past away in his sleep last night." "His heart... huh, just gave out." "You know how he died?" "No." "You talk to him in the bookstore?" "Yeah, a little." "I think he knew." "Knew what?" "That he was gonna die." "I'm looking for this book by Dr. Phil." "I can't read my writing." "Hey!" "Hey." "Chicken fried rice." "Yeah, that's me." "So, you work here?" "Andrew." "Yeah, part time." "Where's your..." "huh, your outfit... thingy?" "Oh, I try not to wear that outside the restaurant, or anywhere in the general public." "Well, let me take a look at it." "I think it's "Self Matters"." "It should be over in the Self Help." "Thanks." "If you have any problems I will be here... making art." "Good to know." "Um... it's not for me, it's a gift." "Ok." "I just wanted you to know that." "Um..." "You know I..." "I get a discount." "I could buy it for you at cost, and you could pay me back." "I wouldn't wanna get you in trouble or anything." "Just don't tell the Feds." "Well... this is exciting." "Thanks Andrew." "You're welcome, Jenny." "I saw her again." "Who?" "The girl from the bus." "With the braces." "Maybe." " And...?" " Who I'm talking about, she... came in and dropped off a napkin with her number on it." "No shit." "Yeah..." "Melissa." "Melissa, huh." "Have you called her yet?" "No." "Why not?" " I'm weighing my options." " What options?" "Options you don't know about." "Call her." "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was talking to Don Juan." "How many bitches to you have in your stable?" "Yeah, that's what I thought." "Another gift from Cody?" "No, it's for you, I got it for you." "I don't understand." "Well there's nothing to understand," "I got if for you because I love you." "Aren't you gonna open it?" "Wow..." "It's really cool." "Aren't you gonna try it on?" "It feels good on me." "Sweet and sour chicken and two orders of the slippery shrimp." "Thanks for the tip." "Oh, anytime." "Un-button a few more and you'll wind up a millionaire." "He's cute." "Who?" "Hector?" "The guy who picks you up." "Oh yeah." "He's a musician." "Country music with a little..." "rock and roll to it." "You got a man?" "No..." "I think I met someone." "He's younger." "I don't know." "Trust me." "Younger is good." "Night." "Hey." "Andrew." "I... uh, I got your book for you." "Oh... thanks." "Well how much do I owe you?" "The corner is kinda damaged so, I got it for free." "I really appreciate it." "I'm sorry, I'm not more talkative, outgoing, it's just, huh..." "Don't worry about it." "You're forgiven." "Were you on your way to Los Angeles?" "I was on my way back to my apartment." "Oh no, I mean the reason why you're here." "In Barstow, you see I..." "I know you weren't born here... so I just... assumed you were on your way to Los Angeles." "Andrew it's late, I should go." "Well can I walk you home?" "No... thank you, I drove." "Well, can you give me a ride back to my place?" "Listen, you're being very sweet and to be honest... it's making me a little uncomfortable." "I have a boyfriend." "I don't believe you." "Just give me a ride home, so we can talk." "Fortune favors those... who eat dinner." "Ok." "You were right." "About what?" "I was on my way to Los Angeles." "I had this idea..." "of becoming..." "What happened?" "I don't know." "You still can." "This is it." " Thanks for the ride." " Ok." "I have some really good lemonade, if you wanna come inside." "Maybe next time." "Cool." "Thanks again." "Bye Andrew." "Oh, hi sweetie." "Well, I warmed it up for you." "If you need any more blankets, there's plenty in the closet." "Thanks." " Goodnight baby." " Goodnight Grandma." "Congratulations, Mr. Jeremy." "It's not like we made out or anything." "You made a connection, and that's not easy." "So, where'd you meet her?" "The net?" "No." "She works with my Mom." "Oh, that's even more interesting." "Do they know?" " Of course not." " It'S not bad." "You always fall for your Mom's co-workers?" "No." "Dated anyone else your Mom works with?" "No." "Any of her friends maybe?" "Fuck you." "Excuse me?" "I have to go." "They always do that." "They hang up." "Good morning." "We're still outta milk." "I'll go to the market today I promise." " Is he still here?" " Who?" "Cody..." "Or did he leave after you guys fucked?" "Watch your mouth." "And yeah, he's still here, he's sleeping." "I invited him over for dinner tonight." "I'd really like it if you could be here." "Is this the silent treatment?" "What's next?" "You gonna pack your bags and pretend to run away?" "You used to be really good at that kinda shit when you were seven." "You gave him keys to our house..." "Keys to our house." "Ok, you don't have to repeat yourself..." "I heard you the first time." "We like each other Andrew... and your hostility isn't gonna change that." " How old is he, twenty-one?" " Oh, cut it out." " Is he twenty?" "Younger?" " He just looks young." "I gotta work later." "Just one normal dinner, Andrew." "That's all I'm asking." "It's great." "I'm like... ten blocks from the beach." "I met this guy..." "in my building... and he's gonna teach me to surf." "No, I've had some auditions." "Nothing big." "I know... it's exciting." "I'm trying not to get my hopes up." "Uh..." "listen, listen, I gotta hang up." "Thanks, bye!" " Boyfriend?" " No... it was just Lauren." "I'm playing cards today at three with some friends... if you'd like to come." " Hearts?" " Hm'hm..." "We usually play hearts, but..." "sometimes we play gin." "Drew." "How are you, brother?" " Good man." " Who's winning?" "Them fucking Kings, man." "Is... huh, Carlos here?" "Back in his room, maybe jerking off or something." "Probably." " Any mail?" " Nope." "Why?" "Did you get a package from Harvard or something?" "Very funny, asshole." "Hey would you fuck a sheepdog to sleep with Salma Hayek?" " No." " What about a 300 pounder?" "No." "Would you fuck your second cousin... if she was really, really, hot?" "Would anyone find out?" " No." " Maybe." "I'd fuck my 300 pound cousin... to sleep with Salma Hayek." "Ha..." "I have no doubt." "Hey, Bill's gonna kick some guy's ass tonight." "Wanna go check it out?" "Can't." "What'd you mean you can't?" "What's with all these one-word answers anyways?" "I have work, then dinner." "Dinner?" "Shit, like actual dinner at a table, with no television involved?" "Yeah, I think so." "Why?" "My Mom wants me to have dinner with her boyfriend." "Shit." "Yeah." "Hey, maybe he's a good guy." "Maybe he really loves her." "Maybe he's twenty-two." "Maybe he's an aspiring country singer." "That's fucking hysterical man." "So... this is dinner." "Yeah." "Hm..." "So, how exactly is this supposed to work?" "Should we exchange small talk... talk about the weather, things like that?" "The weather was nice today, wasn't it?" "Yeah, it was a nice..." "weather day today." "Cody's moving in with us." "Cody, are you a... broccoli type of guy or a carrot type of guy?" "Broccoli." "You know they say, the more colorful the vegetable is, the more vitamins and nutrients it has." "No, I didn't..." "know that." "This chicken cordon bleu is fantastic." "Sandra really..." "some wonderful work here." "I agree." "As a kid I wasn't the biggest fan of broccoli... but I must say..." "as the years have progressed, broccoli has grown on me." " Andrew." " Yes, Sandra." "Cody's moving in." "I heard you the first time." "How old are you Cody?" "Twenty-two." "Twenty-two." "That's fantastic." "You know come to think of it," "I think I remember you from grammar school." "Isn't that a trip?" "Yeah." "I mean we probably had all the same teachers." " Probably." " Andrew." "Mrs. Hagedorn?" "She was hot." "Yeah." "Yeah, she was hot." "Mrs. Newman?" "Well, she suspended me twice." "Mrs. Welch?" " Hated my guts." " Me too." " Andrew stop it." " Stop what?" "I'm just... bonding, with your new boyfriend." "And you guys have been dating for what?" "A... a year?" "A year and a half?" " Four months." " Four months." "Well, that's just fucking incredible..." "Sandra." " I knew you would be like this." " Like what Sandra?" "Like what?" "Hostile." "Hostile?" "No, I'm not hostile." "Upset, that a 22 year old aspiring country singer... is moving into my house... and will be sleeping in my mother's bed?" "Maybe." "I mean you are an aspiring country singer, right?" "Country... with a little..." "Rock and roll to it." "Yeah..." "I heard." "Excuse me, is everything alright here?" "Let me guess, chicken fried rice?" "I'm ok." "I was just wondering if your friend liked the book?" "Same old shit, moments of inspiration followed by the return of the same old me." "If only Dr. Phil could just solve all of our problems?" "If only Dr. Phil wasn't so full of shit." "Listen..." "I'm getting off in a little while... maybe we could..." "hang out or something?" "Um, yeah." "I..." "I could show you my comic book collection." "I'm kidding." "My top ten favorite things..." "about monkeys." "So, this is what you do?" "Not every night." "You call into this radio show?" "I've only called in once." "What about... financing shows?" "Sex shows?" "Sports shows?" "Shows about the weather?" "I called into this show..." "Only once." "Twice." "Only twice." "Oh." "You think I'm a weirdo." "You think I'm a freak." "This is fucking awesome." "I'm gonna call in." "What?" "No, you can't." " Why not?" " Ok, you can." "But the moment you start laughing or make a joke," "I'm cutting you off." "Just give me the fucking phone." "Alright... huh, if anybody..." "Huh, Hello?" "Hello, you're... huh, you're on the air." "Holy shit, I'm on the air." " So... huh, what's your problem?" " Um..." "I don't have one." " You live in Barstow?" " Yeah." "Then you have a problem." "He's good." "You were fat as a kid?" "Your boyfriend cheating on you?" "If you don't start talking about your problems, then..." "I'm gonna start talking about mine and nobody wants that." "I wasn't fat as a kid and I don't have a boyfriend." "What about friends?" "You got any of those?" "Well, I'm with one now." "His name is Andrew." "So, who is this Andrew?" "Tell him Ron Jeremy." "I mean..." "Ron Jeremy." "Is this the same Ron Jeremy that snorts meth?" "It was a joke." "No, but yes." "Well Ron, looks like you finally got the courage to approach... that special girl." "Good for you." "He talked to you about me?" "Oh, yeah." "What did he say?" "Why don't you ask him yourself?" "Hello?" "Now I don't have anyone to talk to." "Do you have, um..." "Yeah, hold on." "Shit Andrew, turn it off." "You gotta listen to me for a sec." "Oh Jesus, I didn't even brush my teeth." "You can't." "We have to go." "Andrew, it's Sunday." "No one goes anywhere on Sunday." "Let's make pancakes." "I'd love to, but believe me if there's anything I'd rather do... it's make pancakes with you, but..." "I have a mother." "Oh, jeez." "And we're not exactly on the best of terms." "Holy shit." "Please tell me your eighteen." "Jenny listen." "The last thing I need right now is to be some sort of pedophile." " I don't like this." " Jenny, I'm eighteen." "I just had sex with a minor." "I'm going to jail." "Jenny relax, I'm eighteen." "Thank god." "I still have a mother." "So we'll just have to walk out the front door quietly." "Let's walk out." "Very quietly." "This is interesting." "Hey." "Mom, Cody, good morning." "We're just having cereal for breakfast if you wanna join us." "I got milk." "Thanks, but..." "Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend?" "Oh, wait, we work together." "Sandra, I didn't know that Andrew was your..." "My son." "Let's go." "So how long have you been dating my son, Jenny?" " Four months?" "Six months?" " Mom." "Actually we've known each other for a while now." "Really?" "That's just fascinating Andrew." "Well, this has been great." "Hey Jenny..." "see you at work." "I'm sorry about that." "I wanted to tell you last night, but I..." "I couldn't find the right time." "What could the right time be, Andrew?" "Just so you know I'm not some whore." "I know." "And don't feel you need to send me flowers or call me." "Jenny can I see you again?" "Are you serious?" "Yeah." "No Andrew..." "No." " Jenny." " No." " What the fuck was that?" " What was what, Andrew?" "That!" "That thing you did." "That!" "Sorry, still confused, could you be more specific?" "She was hot." "Fuck." "What the fuck?" "Andrew!" "You don't wanna do this." "What the fuck is wrong with you Andrew?" "Get the fuck off of me." "Get off of me." "Uh... wow." "I know." " Her name is Jenny?" " Yeah." "You never told me anything." "I didn't." "I don't know it's weird." " And Billy Ray Cyrus?" " He's moving in." "Do you like her?" "Yeah..." "Yes I do." "Then why you talking to me, man?" "Who's that guy at table 41 hitting on you?" "Don't know 'em." " Do you, Sam?" " I don't know." "I have some tables I need to check on." "I'm sorry." "At what?" " Andrew." "I didn't know." " Jenny." "It's ok." "You wanna fuck my son, go right ahead." "What?" "At least he lost his virginity with someone I trust." "I didn't..." "Know he was a virgin?" "Yeah." "Andrew's really good at keeping secrets." "Sandra I'm sorry." "Sweetie it's ok." "Jeez, I'm so sorry." "It's ok." "You sure?" "Yep." "Hey... you hungry?" "Is Jenny here?" "Yeah, she seems pretty upset." "You should just let her cool down." " Is she in the back?" " Andrew." " Andrew go away." " Jenny listen." "I'm working Andrew." "I don't have time for anymore of your shit." "I need to talk to you." "About what?" "Are there any more surprises you wanna clue me in on?" "Look Jenny, if you won't let me talk to you in private," "I..." "I'm gonna keep coming in here and coming in here... and... and that could get pretty awkward." "And why would I do that?" "'Cause I like you." "I'll be at the coffee shop down the street if you change your mind." "I thought you were gonna be at the coffee shop?" " Were you gonna go?" " No." "Andrew I got to get home." "Alright..." "I had this thing I planned out in my head... and it sounded really good and... convincing." "But I can't remember any of it." "I like you." "You get me." "I didn't wanna tell you about my mom... because I knew you wouldn't go out with me." " You were right." " I know." "Jenny you make me excited about things." "When I met you I stopped thinking about, how... how... how fucked up things are and I started thinking about you." "I had to call a radio show... just to build up the courage to talk to you." "And I'm standing here... and I just wish I could say the perfect quote, the perfect thing that will make everything ok." "But I still can't think of anything." "Did you walk here?" "Yeah." "So I guess you need a ride?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry man." "Hey." "Hey." "I didn't see you at lunch today." "Yeah, I went to first period, really wasn't feeling it, so, I decided to take the rest of the day off." "Cool." "You got in." "I thought they turned you down." "Look closer." "What the fuck is this?" "On my way home from... huh, school..." "I made a little stop at the Dayton house... and... found that in the mailbox." "Yeah, but I threw away my application." "And I pulled it out of the trash and had my mom write a cheque." "You owe her sixty bucks by the way." "You sent in my application?" "Your essays were shit, but..." "Are you fucking with me?" "No, man." "Give me some love." "Well, it's not LA, but... huh, San Diego... and Santa Cruz." "I got into both, so..." "I guess, I'll either be hangin' ten or rolling joints." "That's great man." "You just gonna fucking stand there or you gonna open it?" "Do you mind if I wait?" "No." "Well... uh, my parents are throwing me a celebration dinner at Chili's, you should come." "Thanks, but I... huh..." "Congratulations man." "Thank you, Carlos." "I mean it." "I know." "Can I help you?" "Is Jenny here?" "Grandma, I got it." "Andrew, what're you doing here?" "I... huh..." "I got in." "Congratulations." "Mom?" "Mom?" "He's gone." "What?" "The TV, the... the jewelry, the fucking VCR, he took it all..." "I'm stupid." "I'm stupid." "I'm a fucking stupid mother." "I'm a fucking stupid piece of shit." "I'm calling the cops." "He said he was gonna marry me." "He said he just needed money for a ring." "Fuck him." "Say it." "Say how fucking stupid I am." " No you're not." " Say how you knew all along." "No." "Say how much I hurt you." "Mom." "Good news..." "they promoted me to daytime." "Of course a smart guy like me they'd be crazy not to." "I always thought I'd be a big time radio DJ by now... but... hey, this is good too." "Mom?" "Huh?" "Mom wake up." "Have some water." "I'm sorry." "It's ok." "You're the only one that loves me." "Jenny, hey." "It's me." "You forgot to pack." "I'm sorry." "I understand." "I wanna come, but..." "It's ok." "You could wait?" "I gotta go."