"♫ We... are the crystal gems, we'll always save the day, ♫" "♫ And if you think we can't, we'll always find a way, ♫" "♫ That's why the people of this world believe in, ♫" "♫ Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven ♫" "Episode 1b "Laser Light Cannon"" "Hey, Fryman, give me the bits!" "Steven, we're closed!" "Ohh, what..." "Give him the bits!" "The bits!" "The bits!" "The bits!" "The bits!" "The bits!" "Okay, okay." "Take it easy on the counter, will ya?" "Yes!" "I can give you actual fries, if you want." "Just the bits, please." "Thanks!" "Ahh, sunset - my favorite time of day." "The sun goes down, and the second sun gets bigger and bigger in the sky." "Yeah, that big, hot second suuu..." "Oh, no, what is that doing here?" "What is it?" "Aah!" "My bits!" "This is bad." "Look at the size of it!" "I had no idea these things were so big!" "Garnet!" "Pearl!" "We saw!" "Some of us are trying to protect humanity!" "Where were you?" "Eating fry bits." "Ugh." "Can I see?" "Whoa." "It's a giant eyeball!" "Awesome!" "Not awesome, it a red eye!" "A red eye?" "It's going to infect us all!" "That's pinkeye, Steven." "It's going to crash into Beach City, and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious, innocent people!" "We have to stop it!" "What are we going to do?" "The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a light cannon, that belonged to Rose Quartz." "My mom?" "If Rose were here, this would be so easy." "I know, but she is not, and the cannon is missing." "We'll have to find another solution." "If it belonged to my mom, I bet my dad knows where it is." "He can help us save the day!" "Huh?" "!" "Eh?" "!" "Greg is... nice, Steven." "But I doubt Rose would entrust someone like him with such a powerful weapon." "Your dad is kind of a mess, Steven." "Amethyst!" "I'm just saying!" "Even if she did leave it with him, he probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in the ocean by now." "True..." "No way!" "I'm sure he is just keeping it somewhere safe." "I'll go ask him." "We can handle this, Steven." "Ready?" "Uh, I'm gonna go." "Okay, good luck." "Dad, it's me!" "Daaad?" "Are you in there?" "Wake... up!" "We have to save the world!" "Dad!" "Who's there?" "I have a waffle iron!" "Dad, it's me!" "Steven?" "I almost waffled your face!" "What are you doing up so late?" "What do you mean?" "The sun just went down an hour ago." "It was a slow day at the car wash." "Anyway, what's up?" "Just needed to see your old man, pal around, learn some lessons about life?" "No!" "I need the light cannon that belonged to mom to blow up that eyeball!" "Eyeball?" "That!" "Wait." "Is that a magical thing?" "The gems told me not to get involved with magic stuff." "I-it could be dangerous or interfere with what's left of my hair." "But they need mom's cannon." "You've got to know where it is!" "Like a cave dungeon or a cloud fortress or in a clam at the bottom of the ocean." "Well, I don't know about all that, but I have an idea where it might be." "A magical storage unit!" "Not exactly." "But some would say there's magic inside." "It's just a shed I use to keep things that don't fit in the van." "If it's anywhere... it'll be in here." "If I'm going in there, I'm gonna need some gear." "Here I go!" "Good luck!" "Whoa!" "Cool!" "It's like a dad museum!" "There it is!" "Do you golf?" "Ah, I like to think of myself as someone who would golf... eventually." "Yes!" "A drum." "No." "No." "Oh, my gosh!" "Oh, my gosh!" "Oh, my gosh!" "Is this...?" ""Buy t-shirt cannons"?" "Hey, there's a bunch of copies of your old CD!" "Oh, man." "I couldn't give those things away." "You know, before I ran the car wash, when I was a one-man band, I travelled the whole country." "I know, dad." "When I came to play a concert here in Beach City, no one showed up except..." "An alligator!" "No, it was your mother." "I know." "And we were always together after that, until she gave up her physical form to bring you into the world." "I don't know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me." "Uh, dad?" "I broke a photo." "It's okay, buddy." "If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs." "The light cannon!" "Oh, boy." "That thing's giving me the willies." "Dad, I found it!" "Really?" "Get the van!" "This thing could save the city!" "We've got to get it to the beach!" "How?" "It's too big for the van." "Is it gonna be okay?" "If every pork chop were perfect... we wouldn't have hot dogs!" "That thing's getting huge!" "It's freaking me out!" "Can't the van go any faster?" "This is faster!" "Don't worry." "Come on." "Let's put on your CD." "Huh, really?" "Uh, come on, you've heard it." "You come on." "♫ I know I'm not that tall I know I'm not that smart ♫" "♫ But-- let me drive my Van into your heart ♫" "♫ Let me drive my Van into your heart ♫" "♫ I know I'm not that rich I'm trying to get my start ♫" "♫ So, let me drive my Van into your heart ♫" "♫ Let me drive my Van into your heart ♫" "♫ And if we look out of place Well, baby, that's okay ♫" "♫ I'll drive us into outer space ♫" "Throw me again." "I think I'm cracking it." "Is that?" "Hey, guys!" "He really had it." "We're saved!" "♫ Let me drive my Van into your heart ♫" "♫ Let me drive my Van into your heart ♫" "♫ Let me drive my Van into your heart ♫" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "♫ ...van into your heart ♫" "♫ Let me drive my Van into your heart ♫" "We have to use it now." "I don't know how it works!" "It was Rose's!" "Dad, how do we use it?" "Steven, this is serious." "The gem." "You have Rose's gem!" "That's it!" "Ugh!" "Come on!" "Stop that!" "It's no use!" "Fine!" "Forget it!" "Throw me again!" "That's not going to work!" "I got this!" "No!" "Wait!" "No, maybe I don't!" "Please, work." "Unlock." "Activate." "Go." "Please?" "Everyone's counting on you!" "You can't just be useless!" "I know you can help!" "It's okay, Steven!" "We'll figure out something else!" "Something even better!" "R-right!" "If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs!" "It's working!" "Steven!" "This is it." "Brace yourselves!" "Steven, you just saved most of Beach City!" "Sorry about that!" "What?" "How did you get it to work?" "I just said that thing that dad always says." "That thing about pork rinds?" "Hot dogs." "Rose." "My van!" "It's okay, dad." "If every pork chop were perfect..." "I live in there!" "Wait up!"