"My dear Frodo:" "You asked me once if I had told you everything there was to know about my adventures." "And while I can honestly say I have told you the truth I may not have told you all of it." "I am old now, Frodo." "I'm not the same Hobbit I once was." "I think it is time for you to know what really happened." "It began long ago in a land far away to the east the like of which you will not find in the world today." "There was the city of Dale." "Its markets known far and wide." "Full of the bounties of vine and vale." "Peaceful and prosperous." "For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle-earth:" "Erebor." "Stronghold of Thror, King Under the Mountain." "Mightiest of the Dwarf Lords." "Thror ruled with utter surety never doubting his house would endure for his line lay secure in the lives of his son and grandson." "Ah, Frodo." "Erebor." "Built deep within the mountain itself the beauty of this fortress city was legend." "Its wealth lay in the earth in precious gems hewn from rock and in great seams of gold running like rivers through stone." "The skill of the Dwarves was unequaled fashioning objects of great beauty out of diamond, emerald, ruby and sapphire." "Ever they delved deeper, down into the dark." "And that is where they found it." "The Heart of the Mountain." "The Arkenstone." "Thror named it "The King's Jewel."" "He took it as a sign, a sign that his right to rule was divine." "All would pay homage to him." "Even the great Elven King, Thranduil." "But the years of peace and plenty were not to last." "Slowly the days turned sour and the watchful nights closed in." "Thror's love of gold had grown too fierce." "A sickness had begun to grow within him." "It was a sickness of the mind." "And where sickness thrives bad things will follow." "The first they heard was a noise like a hurricane..." "The pines on the mountain creaked and cracked in the hot, dry wind." "Balin, sound the alarm." "Call out the guard." "Do it now!" "What is it?" "Dragon." "Dragon!" "He was a firedrake from the North." "Smaug had come." "Such wanton death was dealt that day." "For this city of Men was nothing to Smaug." "His eye was set on another prize." "For dragons covet gold with a dark and fierce desire." "Aah!" "No!" "Come on." "Erebor was lost." "For a dragon will guard his plunder as long as he lives." "Run for your lives!" "Ah!" "Help us!" "Thranduil would not risk the lives of his kin against the wrath of the dragon." "No help came from the Elves that day nor any day since." "Robbed of their homeland..." "the Dwarves of Erebor wandered the wilderness a once mighty people brought low." "The young Dwarf prince took work where he could find it laboring in the villages of Men." "But always he remembered the mountain smoke beneath the moon the trees like torches blazing bright." "For he had seen dragon fire in the sky and a city turned to ash." "And he never forgave and he never forgot." "That, my dear Frodo, is where I come in." "For, quite by chance, and the will of a Wizard fate decided I would become part of this tale." "It began..." "Well, it began as you might expect." "In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit." "Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole full of worms and oozy smells." "This was a Hobbit hole." "And that means good food, a warm hearth and all the comforts of home." "Thank you." "What's this?" "That is private." "Keep your sticky paws off." "It's not ready yet." "Not ready for what?" "Reading." "What on earth are these?" "Replies to the party invitations." "Ah." "Good gracious." "Is it today?" "They all say they're coming." "Except for the Sackville-Bagginses, who are demanding you ask them in person." "Are they, indeed?" "Over my dead body." "They'd probably find that quite agreeable." "They seem to think you have tunnels..." " ...overflowing with gold." " It was one small chest, hardly overflowing." "And it still smells of Troll." "What on earth are you doing?" "Taking precautions." "You know, I caught her making off with the silverware once." " Who?" " Lobelia Sackville-Baggins." "She had all my spoons stuffed in her pocket." "Ha!" "Dreadful woman." "Make sure you keep an eye on her after I'm..." "When I'm..." "When I'm..." "When you're what?" "It's nothing." "Nothing." "You know, some people are beginning to wonder about you, Uncle." " Huh?" " They think you're becoming odd." "Odd?" "Oh." "Hm." "Unsociable." "Unsociable, me?" "Nonsense." "Be a good lad and put that on the gate." " Do you think he'll come?" " Who?" "Gandalf." "Oh-ho." "He wouldn't miss a chance to let off his Whizpoppers." "He'll give us quite a show, you'll see." " Right, then." "I'm off." " Off to where?" "East-farthing Woods." "I'm going to surprise him." "Well, go on, then." "You don't want to be late." "He doesn't approve of being late." "Oh, no." "Not that I ever was." "In those days, I was always on time." "I was entirely respectable." "And nothing unexpected ever happened." " Good morning." " What do you mean?" "Do you wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not?" "Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning?" "Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?" "Hm?" "All of them at once, I suppose." "Hmm." "Can I help you?" "That remains to be seen." "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure." "An adventure?" "No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures." "Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things." "Make you late for dinner." "Heh, heh." "Mm." "Huh." "Hmm." "Oh." "Ah." "Good morning." "To think that I should have lived to be "good morninged" by Belladonna Took's son as if I were selling buttons at the door." "Beg Your pardon?" "You've changed, and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins." "I'm sorry, do I know you?" "Well, you know my name, although you don't remember I belong to it." "I'm Gandalf." "And Gandalf means me." "Gandalf?" "Not Gandalf the wandering Wizard who made such excellent fireworks?" "Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve." "Heh, heh." "Ahem." "No idea you were still in business." "And where else should I be?" "Where else...?" "Ahem." "Well, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me even if it's only my fireworks." "Yes." "Well, that's decided." "It'll be very good for you and most amusing for me." "I shall inform the others." "Inform the who?" "What?" "No." "No." "No..." "Wait." "We do not want any adventures here, thank you." "Not today." "Not..." "I suggest you try Over the Hill or Across the Water." "Good morning." "Dwalin, at your service." "Hm." "Uh..." "Bilbo Baggins, at yours." "Do we know each other?" "No." "Which way, laddie?" "Is it down here?" "Is what down where?" "Supper." "He said there'd be food and lots of it." "He..." "He said?" "Who said?" "Mmm." "Mmm." "Very good, this." "Any more?" "What?" "Oh, yes, yes." "Ah." "Help yourself." "Hmm." "It's just that, um, I wasn't expecting company." "That'll be the door." "Balin, at your service." " Good evening." " Yes." "Yes, it is." " Though I think it might rain later." " Hm?" "Am I late?" "Late for what?" "Oh!" "Ha, ha!" "Evening, brother." "By my beard you're shorter and wider than last we met." "Wider, not shorter." "Sharp enough for both of us." "Uh, excuse me?" "Sorry, I hate to interrupt." "But the thing is, I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house." "Have you eaten?" "It's not that I don't like visitors." "I like visitors as much as the next Hobbit." "But I do like to know them before they come visiting." " What is this?" " I don't know." " I think it's cheese." "Gone blue." " It's riddled with mold." "The thing is, I don't know either of you." "Not in the slightest." "I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind." " I'm sorry." " You think...?" "Apology accepted." " Ah." " Now, fill it up, brother, don't stint." " You wanna get stuck in?" " I could eat again if you insist, brother." " Fili." " And Kili." "At your service." " You must be Mr. Boggins." " Nope!" "You can't come in." " You've come to the wrong house." " What?" " Has it been canceled?" " No one told us." " No, nothing's been canceled." " That's a relief." "Careful with these." "I just had them sharpened." " It's nice, this place." " Yeah." " Did you do it yourself?" " What?" "No, it's been in the family for years." "That's my mother's glory box." "Can you please not do that?" "Fili, Kili." "Come on, give us a hand." "Mr. Dwalin." "Ha, ha." "Shove this in the hallway." "Otherwise we'll never get everyone in." ""Everyone"?" "How many more are there?" " Where do you want this?" " Oh, no." " It's really heavy." " No." "No." "There's nobody home!" "Go away and bother somebody else." "There's far too many Dwarves in my dining room as it is." "If this is some clot-head's idea of a joke I can only say it is in very poor taste." "Get off, you big lump!" "Gandalf." "Those are my pri...!" "Excuse me, not my wine." "Put that back." "Put that back." "Not the jam, please." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "It's a tad excessive, isn't it?" "Have you got a cheese knife?" " "Cheese knife"?" "He eats it by the block." " Ugh." "No, that's Grandpa Mungo's chair..." "No, so is that." "Take it back, please." " I cannot hear what you're saying." "BILBO:" " It's an antique." "Not for sitting on." "That is a book, not a coaster." "And put that map down." " Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf?" " Yes?" "May I tempt you with a cup of chamomile?" "Oh, no, thank you, Dori." "A little red wine for me, I think." " Whoop!" "Mind out." " Yes." "Ah." "Uh, Fili, Kili." "Uh..." "Oin, Gloin." "Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur..." " ..." "Dori, Nori." "Ori!" " No." "Not my prizewinners, thank you." "No, thank you." "Yes, you're quite right, Bifur." "We appear to be one Dwarf short." "He is late, is all." "He traveled north to a meeting of our kin." "He will come." "Mr. Gandalf?" "A little glass of red wine, as requested." "It's got a fruity bouquet." "Oh." "Cheers." "Bombur's on his second leg of lamb already." "Hmm." "No chance." "Not from that distance." "Wanna bet?" "Bombur, catch!" "I'll help you with that." "Oh, you great galumphing git!" " Who wants an ale?" "There you go." " Over here, brother." "I said have another drink." "Here you go." "Ale on the count of three!" "One, two..." "Up!" "I knew you had it in you!" "Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth." "But it's full of holes." "It's supposed to look like that." "It's crochet." "And a wonderful game it is too, if you've got the balls for it." "Be bother and confusticate these Dwarves!" "My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?" "What's the matter?" "I'm surrounded by Dwarves." "What are they doing here?" "Oh, they're quite a merry gathering once you get used to them." "I don't want to get used to them." "Look at the state of my kitchen." "There's mud trod into the carpet." "They've pillaged the pantry." "I won't tell you what they've done in the bathroom." "They've destroyed the plumbing." "I don't understand what they're doing in my house!" "Excuse me." "I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" "Here you go, Ori." "Give it to me." "Take that back." "Excuse me." "That's my mother's West Farthing pottery." "It's over 100 years old!" "And can you not do that?" "You'll blunt them." "Ooh." "Do you hear that, lads?" "He says we'll blunt the knives." "d Blunt the knives, bend the forks d d Smash the bottles and bum the corks d d Chip the glasses and crack the plates d d That's what Bilbo Baggins hates d d Cut the cloth, tread on the fat d" "d Leave the bones on the bedroom mat d d Pour the milk on the pantry floor d d Splash the wine on every door d d Dump the crooks in a boiling bowl d d Pound them up with a thumping pole d" "d When you're finished, if they are whole d d Send them down the hall to roll d" "d That's what Bilbo Baggins hates dd" "Bilbo." "He is here." "Gandalf." "I thought you said this place would be easy to find." "I lost my way, twice." "I wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door." "Mark?" "There's no mark on that door." "It was painted a week ago." "There is a mark." "I put it there myself." "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company:" "Thorin Oakenshield." "So this is the Hobbit." "Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?" " Pardon me?" " Ax or sword?" "What's your weapon of choice?" "Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know but I fail to see why that's relevant." "Thought as much." "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." "What news from the meeting in Ered Luin?" "Did they all come?" " Aye." "Envoys from all seven kingdoms." " All of them!" "And what did the Dwarves of the Iron Hills say?" "Is Dain with us?" "They will not come." "They say this quest is ours and ours alone." "You're going on a quest?" "Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light." "Far to the east over ranges and rivers beyond woodlands and wastelands lies a single, solitary peak." ""The Lonely Mountain."" "Aye, Oin has read the portents and the portents say it is time." "Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain, as it was foretold." ""When the birds of yore return to Erebor the reign of the beast will end."" "Uh, what beast?" "That would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible chiefest and greatest calamity of our age." "Airborne fire-breather." "Teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks." " Extremely fond of precious metals." " Yes, I know what a dragon is." "I'm not afraid." "I'm up for it." "I'll give him a taste of Dwarfish iron right up his jacksie!" " Good lad, Ori!" " Sit down." "The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us but we number just 13." "And not 13 of the best nor brightest." "Here, who are you calling dim?" "Sorry, what did he say?" "We may be few in number but we're fighters, all of us, to the last Dwarf." "And you forget, we have a Wizard in our company." "Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time." "Oh, well, no." "I wouldn't say..." " How many, then?" " What?" "Well, how many dragons have you killed?" "Go on." "Give us a number." "Excuse me." "Please." "If we have read these signs do you not think others will have read them too?" "Rumors have begun to spread." "The dragon, Smaug, has not been seen for 60 years." "Eyes look east to the mountain, assessing wondering, weighing the risk." "Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected." "Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours?" "Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?" "You forget, the Front Gate is sealed." "There is no way into the mountain." "That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." "How come you by this?" "It was given to me by your father." "By Thrain." "For safekeeping." "It is yours now." "If there is a key there must be a door." "These runes speak of a hidden passage to the Lower Halls." "There's another way in." "Well, if we can find it, but Dwarf doors are invisible when closed." "The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map and I do not have the skill to find it." "But there are others in Middle-earth who can." "The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth and no small amount of courage." "But if we are careful and clever, I believe that it can be done." "That's why we need a burglar." "Hmm." "And a good one too." "An expert, I'd imagine." "And are you?" "Am I what?" "He said he's an expert." "Hey." "Me?" "No." "No, no, no." "I'm not a burglar." "I've never stolen a thing in my life." "Well, I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins." "He's hardly burglar material." "Nope." "Aye, the Wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves." "He's just fine." "Enough!" "If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is." "Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet." "In fact, they can pass unseen by most, if they choose." "And, while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of Dwarf the scent of a Hobbit is all but unknown to him which gives us a distinct advantage." "You asked me to find the 14th member of this company and I have chosen Mr. Baggins." "There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest." "And he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know." "Including himself." "You must trust me on this." "Very well." " We will do it your way." " No, no." " Give him the contract." " We're in." "We're off." "It's just the usual." "Summary of out-of-pocket expenses time required, remuneration funeral arrangements, so forth." "Funeral arrangements?" "I cannot guarantee his safety." "Understood." "Nor will I be responsible for his fate." "Agreed." ""Terms:" "Cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one-fourteenth of total profit, if any."" "Hmm." "Seems fair." ""Present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited to lacerations evisceration..."" "Incineration?" "Aye." "He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." " You all right, laddie?" " Huh?" "Yeah." "Feel a bit faint." " Think furnace with wings." " Air." "I need air." "Flash of light, searing pain, then poof." "You're nothing more than a pile of ash." "Hmm." "Nope." "Oh, very helpful, Bofur." "I'll be all right." "Just let me sit quietly for a moment." "You've been sitting quietly for far too long." "Tell me, when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you?" "I remember a young Hobbit who was always running off in search of Elves in the woods." "Who would stay out late, come home after dark trailing mud and twigs and fireflies." "A young Hobbit who would have liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire." "The world is not in your books and maps." "It's out there." "I can't just go running off into the blue." "I am a Baggins of Bag-end." "You are also a Took." "Did you know that your great-great-great-great-uncle Bullroarer Took was so large, he could ride a real horse?" " Yes." " Yes, well, he could." "In the Battle of Green Fields, he charged the Goblin ranks." "He swung his club so hard, it knocked the Goblin king's head clean off and it sailed 100 yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole." "And thus, the battle was won." "And the game of golf invented at the same time." "I do believe you made that up." "Well, all good stories deserve embellishment." "You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back." "Can you promise that I will come back?" "No." "And if you do you will not be the same." "That's what I thought." "Sorry, Gandalf, I can't sign this." "You've got the wrong Hobbit." "It appears we have lost our burglar." "Probably for the best." "The odds were always against us." "After all, what are we?" "Merchants, miners tinkers, toy-makers." "Heh, heh." "Hardly the stuff of legend." "There are a few warriors amongst us." "Old warriors." "I would take each and every one of these Dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills." "For when I called upon them, they answered." "Loyalty, honor a willing heart." "I can ask no more than that." "You don't have to do this." "You have a choice." "You've done honorably by our people." "You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains." "A life of peace and plenty." "A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor." "From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me." "They dreamt of the day when the Dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland." "There is no choice, Balin." "Not for me." "Then we are with you, laddie." "We will see it done." "d Far over the misty mountains cold d d To dungeons deep d d And caverns old d d We must away d d 'Ere break of day d d To find our long-forgotten gold d" "d The pines were roaring on the height d d The winds were moaning in the night d d The fire was red, it flaming spread d" "d The trees like torches d d Blazed with light dd" "Hello?" "Yes." "Yes." "Here, Mr. Bilbo, where are you off to?" " Can't stop, I'm already late!" " Late for what?" "I'm going on an adventure!" "I said it." "Didn't I say it?" "Coming here was a waste of time." "That's true enough." "Ridiculous notion." "Use a Hobbit?" "A Halfling?" "Whose idea was it anyway?" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Whoa, whoa." "Whoa, whoa." "I signed it." "Here." "Everything appears to be in order." "Welcome, Master Baggins to the company of Thorin Oakenshield." "Give him a pony." "No, no, that won't be necessary." "Thank you." "I'm sure I can keep up on foot." "I've done my fair share of walking holidays, you know?" "Even got as far as Frogmorton once." "Aah!" "Come on, Nori." "Pay up." " One more." " Thanks, lad." "What's that about?" "Oh, they took wagers on whether or not you'd turn up." "Most of them bet that you wouldn't." "And what did you think?" "Well..." "My dear fellow, I never doubted you for a second." "It's horse hair." "Having a reaction." "No, wait, wait, stop." "Stop!" "We have to turn around." "What on earth is the matter?" " I forgot my handkerchief." " Here." "Use this." "Move on." "You'll have to manage without pocket handkerchiefs and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins before we reach our journey's end." "You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire." "But home is now behind you." "The world is ahead." "Hello, girl." "Who's a good girl?" "It's our little secret, Myrtle." "You must tell no one." "Shh, shh." "What was that?" "Orcs." "Orcs?" "Throat-cutters." "There'll be dozens of them out there." "The lone-lands are crawling with them." "They strike in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep." "Quick and quiet, no screams." "Just lots of blood." "You think that's funny?" "You think a night raid by Orcs is a joke?" "We didn't mean anything by it." "No, you didn't." "You know nothing of the world." "Don't mind him, laddie." "Thorin has more cause than most to hate Orcs." "After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient Dwarf kingdom of Moria." "But our enemy had got there first." "Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs led by the most vile of all their race:" "Azog the Defiler." "The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin." "He began by beheading the king." "No!" "Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief." "He went missing." "Taken prisoner or killed we did not know." "We were leaderless." "Defeat and death were upon us." "That is when I saw him." "A young Dwarf prince facing down the pale Orc." "He stood alone against this terrible foe." "His armor rent wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield." "Azog the Defiler learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken." "Our forces rallied... wand drove the Orcs back." "And our enemy had been defeated." "But there was no feast nor song that night for our dead were beyond the count of grief." "We few had survived." "And I thought to myself then there is one who I could follow." "There is one I could call king." "And the pale Orc?" "What happened to him?" "He slunk back into the hole whence he came." "That filth died of his wounds long ago." "Here, Mr. Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?" "It is raining, Master Dwarf and it will continue to rain until the rain is done." "If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another Wizard." " Are there any?" " What?" " Other Wizards." " There are five of us." "The greatest of our order is Saruman the White." "Then there are the two Blue Wizards..." "Do you know, I've quite forgotten their names." "And who is the fifth?" "Well, that would be Radagast the Brown." "Is he a great Wizard?" "Or is he more like you?" "I think he's a very great Wizard, in his own way." "He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others." "He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the east." "And a good thing too." "For always evil will look to find a foothold in this world." "Not good." "Not good at all." "Eww." "Oh, no." "Sebastian." "Good gracious." "Come on." "Move back!" "Give him some air, for goodness sake." "There." "There." "I don't understand why it's not working." "It's not as if it's witchcraft." "Witchcraft." "Oh, but it is." "A dark and powerful magic." "Where on this good earth did those foul creatures come from?" "The old fortress?" "Show me." "We'll camp here for the night." "Fili, Kili, look after the ponies." "Make sure you stay with them." "A farmer and his family used to live here." " Oin, Gloin." "Get a fire going." " Aye." "Right you are." "I think it would be wiser to move on." "We could make for the Hidden Valley." "I have told you already I will not go near that place." "Why not?" "The Elves could help us." "We could get food, rest, advice." "I do not need their advice." "We have a map that we cannot read." "Lord Elrond could help us." "Help?" "A dragon attacks Erebor." "What help came from the Elves?" "Orcs plunder Moria desecrate our sacred halls." "The Elves looked on and did nothing." "And you ask me to seek out the very people who betrayed my grandfather." "Who betrayed my father." "You are neither of them." "I did not give you that map and key for you to hold onto the past." "I did not know that they were yours to keep." "Everything all right?" "Gandalf, where are you going?" "To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense." " And who's that?" " Myself, Mr. Baggins." "I've had enough of Dwarves for one day." "Come on, Bombur, we're hungry." "Is he coming back?" "He's been a long time." " Who?" " Gandalf." "He's a Wizard." "He does as he chooses." "Here, do us a favor." "Take this to the lads." "Stop it." "You've had plenty." "Aye, it's not a bad stew, Bombur." "I've had worse." "Dori could've cooked it." "Ha-ha-ha." "Hilarious." "What's the matter?" " We're supposed to be looking after the ponies." " Only we've encountered a slight problem." "We had 16." "Now there's 14." "Daisy and Bungo are missing." "Well, that's not good." "Ha, ha." "And that is not good at all." "Shouldn't we tell Thorin?" "Uh, no." "Let's not worry him." "As our official burglar, we thought you might like to look into it." "Well, uh..." " Look, something big uprooted these trees." " That was our thinking." "It's something very big and possibly quite dangerous." "Hey." "There's a light." "Over here." "Stay down." "What is it?" "Trolls." "Oh." "He's got Myrtle and Minty." "I think they're gonna eat them." "We have to do something." "Yes, you should." "Mountain Trolls are slow and stupid, and you're so small, they'll never see you." "It's perfectly safe." "We'll be behind you." "If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl and once like a brown owl." "Twice like a barn owl." "No, twice like a brown..." "Once like a..." "Like a..." "Are you sure this is a good idea?" "Mutton yesterday, mutton today and, blimey, if it don't look like mutton again tomorrow." "Quit your griping." "These ain't sheep." "These is fresh nags." "Oh!" "I don't like horse." "I never have." "Not enough fat on them." "Well, it's better than leathery old farmer." "All skin and bone, he was." "I'm still picking bits of him out of me teeth." "Well, that's lovely, that is." "A floater." "Might improve the flavor." "Ah." "There's more where that came from." " Oh, no, you don't!" " Ow!" "Sit down!" "Well, I hope you're gonna gut these nags." "I don't like the stinky parts." " Ow!" " I said sit down." "I'm starving!" "Now, are we having horse tonight or what?" "Shut your cakehole." "You'll eat what I give you." "How come he's the cook?" "Everything tastes the same." "Everything tastes like chicken." "Except the chicken." "What tastes like fish!" "I'm just saying, a little appreciation would be nice." "Oh. "Thank you very much, Bert." "Lovely stew, Bert."" " How hard is that?" " Shh." "Shh, shh." "Shh." "Just needs a sprinkle of squirrel dung." "Here, that's my grog." "Sorry." "Ow!" "Ooh." "That is beautifully balanced, that is." "Wrap your laughing gear around that, eh?" "Good, isn't it?" "That's why I'm the cook." "Oh, my guts are grumbling." "I got to snaffle something." " Flesh, I need flesh." " Ah!" "Ah!" "Blimey!" "Bert." "Bert!" "Look what's come out of me hooter." "It's got arms and legs and everything." "What is it?" "I don't know." "But I don't like the way it wriggles around." "What are you, then?" "An oversized squirrel?" "I'm a burglar..." "Uh, Hobbit." "A burglar Hobbit?" "Can we cook him?" "We can try." "He wouldn't make more than a mouthful." "Not when he's skinned and boned." "Perhaps there's more burglar Hobbits around these parts." "Might be enough for a pie." " Grab him!" " He's too quick." "Right." "Come here, you little..." "Gotcha." "Are there any more of you little fellas hiding where you shouldn't?" "No." "He's lying." " No, I'm not!" " Hold his toes over the fire." "Make him squeal!" "Drop him!" "You what?" "I said drop him." "Get the sacks!" "Stick them in the sacks!" "Ow!" "Come on!" "Get up!" " Bilbo!" " Don't!" "Lay down your arms or we'll rip his off." "Oh!" "That's hot, that's hot, that's hot!" "Don't bother cooking them." "Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly." "They should be sauteed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." "Is this really necessary?" "That does sound quite nice." " Untie me, mister." " Eat someone your own size." "Never mind the seasoning." "We ain't got all night." "Dawn ain't far away." "Let's get a move on." "I don't fancy being turned to stone." "Wait!" "You are making a terrible mistake." "You can't reason with them." "They're half-wits!" "Half-wits?" "What does that make us?" "I meant with the seasoning." "What about the seasoning?" "Well, have you smelt them?" "You're gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up." " Traitor!" " What do you know about cooking Dwarf?" "Shut up." "Let the flurgaburburhobbit talk." "The secret to cooking Dwarf is..." " Yes?" "Come on." "Tell us the secret." " It's, uh..." "Yes, I'm telling you." "The secret is to skin them first." "What?" "Skin us?" "Tom, get me filleting knife." "I'll skin you, you little...!" "I won't forget that." "I won't forget it." "What a load of rubbish." "I've eaten plenty with their skins on." "Scarf them, I say, boots and all." "He's right." "Nothing wrong with a bit of raw Dwarf." "Nice and crunchy." "Oh, not that one." "He's infected." " Huh?" " You what?" "Yeah, he's got worms in his tubes." " Eww!" " Aah!" "In fact, they all have." "They're infested with parasites." "It's a terrible business." "I wouldn't risk it." "I really wouldn't." "Parasites?" "Did he say "parasites"?" "We don't have parasites." "You have parasites!" "What are you talking about, laddie?" "I've got parasites as big as my arm." "Mine are the biggest parasites." "I've got huge parasites." " We're riddled." " Yes, I'm riddled." "Yes, we are, badly." "What would you have us do, then?" "Let them all go?" " Well..." " You think I don't know what you're up to?" "This little ferret is taking us for fools." " Ferret?" " Fools?" "The dawn will take you all." " Who's that?" " No idea." "Can we eat him too?" "Get your foot out of my back." "Ah." "Where did you go to, if I may ask?" "To look ahead." " What brought you back?" " Looking behind." "Nasty business." "Still, they're all in one piece." "No thanks to your burglar." "He had the nous to play for time." "None of the rest of you thought of that." "They must have come down from the Ettenmoors." "Since when do Mountain Trolls venture this far south?" "Ooh." "Not for an age." "Not since a darker power ruled these lands." "They could not have moved in daylight." "There must be a cave nearby." "Oh, what's that stench?" "It's a Troll-hoard." "Be careful what you touch." "Seems a shame just to leave it lying around." " Anyone could take it." " Agreed." " Nori." " Yeah?" "Get a shovel." "These swords were not made by any Troll." "Nor were they made by any smith among Men." "These were forged in Gondolin by the High Elves of the First Age." "You could not wish for a finer blade." " Set it down." " That's good." "All right, come on." "Quick." "We're making a long-term deposit." "Let's get out of this foul place." "Come on, let's go." "Bofur, Gloin, Nori." " Bilbo." " Hmm?" "Here." "This is about your size." "I can't take this." "The blade is of Elvish make which means it will glow blue when Orcs or Goblins are nearby." "I have never used a sword in my life." "And I hope you never have to." "But if you do, remember this:" "True courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one." "Something's coming!" " Gandalf." " Stay together!" "Hurry now!" "Arm yourselves!" "Thieves!" "Fire!" "Murder!" "Radagast." "It's Radagast the Brown." "Well..." "What on earth are you doing here?" "I was looking for you, Gandalf." "Something's wrong." "Something's terribly wrong." "Yes?" "Oh." "Just give me a minute." "Oh." "I had a thought and now I've lost it." "It was right there on the tip of my tongue." "Oh." "It's not a thought at all." "It's a silly old stick insect." "The Greenwood is sick, Gandalf." "A darkness has fallen over it." "Nothing grows anymore." "At least, nothing good." "The air is foul with decay." "But worse are the webs." "Webs?" "What do you mean?" "Spiders, Gandalf." "Giant ones." "Some kind of spawn of Ungoliant, or I am not a Wizard." "I followed their trail." "They came from Dol Guldur." "Huh?" "Dol Guldur?" "But the old fortress is abandoned." "No, Gandalf." "'Tis not." "A dark power dwells in there such as I have never felt before." "It is the shadow of an ancient horror." "One that can summon the spirits of the dead." "I saw him, Gandalf." "From out of the darkness a Necromancer has come." "Radagast." "Quick!" "Quick, quick!" "Quick, quick!" "Wait for me!" "Sorry." "Try a little Old Toby." "It'll help settle your nerves." "And out." "Now, a Necromancer." "Are you sure?" "That is not from the world of the living." "Was that a wolf?" "Are there wolves out there?" "Wolves?" "No, that is not a wolf." "Kili!" "Get your bow!" "Warg scouts." " Which means an Orc pack is not far behind." " Orc pack?" "Who did you tell about your quest beyond your kin?" " No one." " Who did you tell?" "No one, I swear." "What in Durin's name is going on?" "You are being hunted." " We have to get out of here." " We can't." "We have no ponies." "They bolted." "I'll draw them off." "These are Gundabad Wargs." "They will outrun you." "These are Rhosgobel rabbits." "I'd like to see them try." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come and get me!" "Ha, ha!" "Come on." "Stay together." "Move!" "Ori, no!" "Get back." "All of you, come on." "Quick!" "Where are you leading us?" "Move!" "Run!" "There they are!" "This way!" "Quickly!" "There's more coming!" "Kili!" "Shoot them!" "We're surrounded!" "Where's Gandalf?" "He's abandoned us."