"Madame, that shotgun is actually a rifle," "And it must be cocked and loaded before you can kill me," "As any good barbarian would know." "Paladin find joke?" "Joke, hey boy?" "Thank you." "It says, "bend-in-the-river, oregon." ""scarcity of women creates a new type of rustling." ""mail-order wives, brought in at great expense," ""are being wooed and married by bachelors," ""who intercept the stage coaches before arrival." ""j." "Brodie, prominent rancher," ""has declared war on these wife poachers."" "A joke, hey boy, or perhaps a job." ""mister..." ""j." "Brodie..."" "Hold my mail until I return, hey boy." "Oh, isn't that mr." "Lyman?" "He rents wagons and supplies." "I believe it is." "Oh, pardon me, madam." "Miss." "Uh..." "Mr. Paladin?" "They're off!" "Those women you would escort to brodie?" "Well, they're gone!" "And I..." "Oh, there's one of those pains again." "Where, where's my pills?" "Oh, you have no idea what a day I've had today." "A wagon load of immigrants lost." "How in the world can you misplace a...?" "Sh, mr." "Lyman." "I hired a wagon from you to transport some mail-order brides" "To bend-in-the-river, oregon." "Mm!" "Now, where are the women and where is the wagon?" "Oh, well, the women arrived alright, you see." "And they got into the wagon and they took off..." "Hey boy, put that stuff in the saddle bags." "Thank you, mr." "Lyman." "You're gonna earn your $1,000, mr." "Paladin." "Hey boy!" "Bye, mr." "Lyman." "] please, force your animal to desist." "animal, desist!" "Please now, to, to disembark." "Disembark!" "The animals in this country are as barbaric as the people." "They refuse to obey even the most simplest function." "Well, madam, it looks to me as if someone" "Had instructed those animals right into a hole." "You will now assist my wagon from this position." "Your wagon, madam?" "Would you care to see the lease on that wagon?" "Or the letter from mr." "Brodie instructing me" "To deliver a certain cargo to bend-in-the-river?" "Perhaps if those will have no effect on you," "This will." "Paladin!" "What is this madness?" "I do not want you." "It is this miserable man, he insist." "I want only this- this stupidity on wheels." "I warn you, monsieur, every centime I own is in this wagon." "And I share my profit with no one." "Rest assured, madam, I'm being more than adequately paid by mr." "Brodie" "To deliver you to bend-in-the-river." "Mr. Brodie?" "To bend-in-the-river." "That is your destination." "Bend-in-the-river?" "Ah, oui!" "Oui!" "Of course, you are going to bend-in-the-river." "And now, we'll just, uh..." "I warn you, monsieur." "I am expert with the shotgun." "Well, madam, that presents something of a problem," "Since you're holding a rifle." "Ah!" "I am even more expert with the rifle." "Well, shotgun or rifle," "It has to be cocked before you can fire it." "It is not prepare?" "voilá, prepared." "discharged." "And in any event, you'd have to load the gun" "Before it could fire." "As any good barbarian knows." "Ho, now, back!" "Back!" "Back!" "Come on!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Now back!" "Back!" "Back, come on!" "Back!" "Go!" "Ho!" "Hut!" "Back to me, and..." "Go!" "Ha-ah, ha!" "Ho!" "Madame will consent to join us?" "And don't you think it's about time I met the brides?" "The brides?" "Ah!" "The brides." "You promise discretion, eh?" "Well, madam, with all due respect to mail-order brides," "I think I can safely promise discretion, yes." "Annette!" "You have a very strong voice, monsieur." "Could you not see me trembling?" "Cecile." "You see, monsieur, I emerge like a tulip." "Blooming under your warm gaze." "And last, yvonne." "Last, but I assure you, monsieur, never least." "I'm sure." "We go to a place, monsieur," "Where the loneliness cuts at a man like a knife." "Does monsieur think we will be welcome?" "Madame, I can only assure you," "If I ever order a mail-order bride," "It will be from your catalogue." "ah!" "Voilá!" "Il est trés bon." "Trés bon." "whoa, now." "Whoa." "Ah, catch me, monsieur." "Oui, madam." "Now, we will not neglect our duties." "There is the coiffure to arrange." "oui, madam." "There is the complexion to be treated." "oui, madam." "And, so..." "First, we will" ""beauty begins with cleanliness," madame." "That is a sentiment of which I heartily approve." "However, first we have horses to unharness," "Gear to unload, and a camp to set up." "You say you've been employed to transport us, monsieur?" "If that is the custom," "Please to commence your duties." "Well, we have another custom based on the hardships of travel, madam," "On the trail, everyone, man or woman, does a full day's work." "The excuse, monsieur, of the uncivilized men" "Who force their women to labor like animals." "Madame, ahead of us are 200 of the hardest miles in this country." "We have an old saying in France, monsieur." "When the servant is given the weapons," "He begins to act like the master." "Madame." "Oh, merci, monsieur." "Madame, we have an old saying in this country, too." "Captain john smith said it first." ""all stomachs are equal." ""those who work, eat."" "A simple proverb, monsieur," "For simple minds." "Another sandwich, madam." "I'm still hungry." "This food that I've purchased must last for three days." "Mr. Paladin says the journey will require ten." "Ah, he is lying." "I have made this trip many times myself in europe." "He roasts meat over his fire." "Oh." "It becomes cold." "Is it not fortunate?" "I have also bring the wine." "Ah, too vinegar." "Like the other bottle." "Ah, in France it would've been good for a week." "In cascania, where I was born," "At harvest time, we all work together." "In my village, too." "Ah, oui?" "Ah, the air was clean, just like here." "Such appetites we grew." "Perhaps we should do as he asks, madam?" "Never." "Before we are finished," "I will bring this man to his knees." "I promise you." "Biscuits a'la paladin, madam." "Crude, unsanitary." "In some aspects, even uncouth." "But I think you will find it also delicious." "Following which, we will commence our lessons" "In wagon unloading and camp-site preparation." "Can you handle that?" "Allez!" "Aya!" "Yay!" "Yay!" "All right, cecile, set the brake." "Ah, I am finished." "For nearly a week now." "Ah!" "I cannot go on!" "Monsieur paladin says we are..." "Monsieur paladin?" "Monsieur paladin?" "!" "Must we start ever discourse with these words?" "Ah, but look how far we have come, madam." "C'est magnifique!" "And please to examine this." "The color of brown." "Alors!" "Look, madam, I've gained some, too." "I think we can afford to rest here." "And please, please, where are your stays?" "Oh, I threw them away, madam." "Monsieur paladin..." "You have discard your stays?" "Of the finest whale bone purchased in the finest shop of old paris?" "!" "But, oddly enough, madam, they all seem to be gaining a little." "And in this bright sunlight..." "I hope you realize something, monsieur paladin." "You are ruining me!" "I, madame chalon, whose training is famous throughout France!" "Whose students have played for the sons of kings!" "Do you realize what you'll do to me?" "Well, perhaps the sons of kings" "Would object to a little muscle and suntan," "But the sons of mr." "J. Brodie..." "Ah!" "Always you change the subject." "Change the subject?" "Madame, exactly why are you going to bend-in-the-river?" "Well, monsieur brodie and his sons." "Come." "If we cannot be women in this savage country," "We will be the horses." "Annette." "Oui?" "They say that in this country," "There is a great scarcity of women." "Oui." "Monsieur paladin says," "That men, sometimes," "Travel 100 kilometers to see one pass by!" "And simple wives are treated as queens." "Only, they work very hard." "Oh, to work hard is not so bad." "If for the right reasons." "Ah, oui, c'est vrai." "Bon soir." "Madame?" "Oui?" "Que voulez-vous?" "Are all the men in this country like monsieur paladin?" "For this you are awake me?" "Ah!" "He's very strong, I think." "You're wrong about him." "He's intelligent." "Still, at the same time, he has a simplicity." "There were no men like this in paris." "For which the french government can say prayers of thanks." "Now, go to sleep!" "Ah!" "¶ la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!" "¶" "Trés bien, trés bien!" "We'll be there soon." "I think it's time you put your imports back under the canvas." "You are afraid of this, this stealing of women?" "That among other things." "I'd just as soon be safe." "If you think it is wise." "oui, madam." "Now, go." "Ha!" "Come on." "Monsieur, my hat!" "Le chapeau, madam." "Thank you very much." "My hat, monsieur." "Well..." "You can keep her, pop." "Oh!" "Savage!" "You see any other wagons on the trail?" "With women in 'em?" "No, we're on our way from san francisco." "Pop?" "What's the matter, boy?" "Did monsieur wish something?" "Yah-hah!" "Oh, monsieur!" "Monsieur." "Oh, no!" "Now, hold on, boys." "No brodie never stole nothing." "Ah, we'll pay him." "Brodie?" "Is your name j." "Brodie?" "J. Brodie." "Well, mr." "Brodie, my name is paladin," "And voilá, here are your women." "Are you out of your mind?" "They are not his, nor yours, nor are they farm wives!" "Those itty-bitty women?" "!" "Not by a long shot." "Where was you yesterday?" "Supposed to bring us three school teachers from boston." "They ain't never got to town." "Boston?" "Brodie..." "Who is she?" "I never saw her before." "Ah, my apologies, ma'am." "Madame?" "Well, I tried to tell monsieur lyman at the stage coach office." "He has his papers mixed." "I am a different package from what he is obviously think." "This monsieur brodie, I have never hear of him." "But, madam, why did you allow me to bring you all the way to bend-in-the-river?" "Because it is where I wish to go." "To, to open a salon." "Salon?" "Ah, you spell it differently, huh?" "Saloon." "Madame," "You might have said something." "Well, I see how you push the wagon out of the hole." "And you behave so fierce." "And I realize that we need someone," "Someone with muscles and weapons" "To take care of us and to bring us here." "So, I, I do not disenchant you." "And now, monsieur brodie," "Which way is to bend-in-the-river?" "Brodie, uh, wait a minute." "Madame." "Ladies, we camp here tonight?" "Now." "no, whoa, whoa." "Stand up, now." "Stand easy." "Merci, monsieur." "Say, I'm sure glad they took them boston ones away from us." "I'll marry any one of 'em." "No!" "No, no, they do not marry with the poor farmer." "And your girls ain't bred for farm life, anyway." "Monsieur paladin, help me!" "Well, mr." "Brodie's just not interested." "Well, they're good lookers and they're talented, too." "I'm changing my mind." "Paladin, suppose you consider you brought four ladies over the mountains." "Four, monsieur?" "Well, I, uh, I'm a widower, myself," "And I mean, I ain't exactly withering away with old age." "Oh, well, of course," "If they marry with these sons," "I am all alone in a strange country." "N'est pas?" "Why don't you two sit down around supper and talk it over." "And if it works out, paladin, I'll pay you the $1,000 anyway." "Mr. Brodie, as you pointed out," "I brought four ladies." "So if it works out," "I'll expect your check for $1,333..." "And 33 and a third cents." "Excuse me." "Oh, no." "Monsieur paladin, he is leaving us." "Au revoir, monsieur paladin!" "Au revoir, monsieur paladin!" "Au revoir!" "Au revoir!" "¶ have gun, will travel, reads the card of a man ¶" "¶ a knight without armor in a savage land ¶" "¶ his fast gun-for-hire heeds the calling wind ¶" "¶ a soldier of fortune is the man called... ¶" "¶ paladin ¶" "¶ paladin, paladin, where do you roam?" "¶"