"Okay." "Where does it hurt?" "Just" "All over." "I- don't wanna do anything," " I'm dying..." " No. that's not how it works." "You have to point a specific part of the body." "Right there." "Abdomen." " Menses." " Maybe." "The uterus contracts after your egg passes through it." "Not it." "I don't have eggs." "So, when it did start?" "About 10 minutes ago." "I" "When I came in with the paper work?" "About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms." "Dwight is always gravely concerned." "Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste?" " It's possible." " Michael?" "David Wallace is on line one." "The CFO?" "Alright." "Everybody out, out, out!" "To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace?" " Michael, I'm calling..." " And Gromit?" "Jan?" "Is Jan there?" "Jan is out of town right now." "Oh, you sigh like Jan." "I broke Jan's heart, David." "And I feel awful." "It was" "It was never my intention to ruin a life." "But, you know what?" " Sometimes" " Michael?" "You just gots to get your freak on." " Michael?" " Yeah." " Michael?" "I'm calling to see if you would come down and interview for job." "We have an opening up in corporate." "Really?" "Week from today," "Bring your first quarter stat, your recommendation for who would take over the Scranton Branch." "That's not necessary." "May God guide you in your quest." "Yes. 3x23 Beach Games Original Air Date:" "May 10, 2007 (NBC)" "Okay, everybody have their towels and swim suits?" "We have about an hour and half." "I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the partay bus." "I'm excited." "Today is Beach Day." "Michael is taking the whole office to the beach." "So, I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt." "I packed it in my purse." "Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?" "I don't wear a Speedo, Michael." "You can't swim in other pants." "I'm just yanking your chain." "Not literally." "Anybody needs sun block?" "Got SPF 30." "Oh, you know what," "You're not going." "It's Beach Day." "Yeah, I know." "I'm sorry, Toby." "We- um," "Somebody has to stay here." "I want today to be a beautiful memory, that the staff and I share after I have passed on to new york." "And if Toby is a part of it, then it'll suck." "Hey, you want my sunscreen?" "Oh, great." "I forgot mine, and I'm wearing two pieces." "Thanks, Toby." "Hey, Pam." "I have a very important job for you today." "I thought we're just having fun at the beach." "We are." "We are." "But, I would like you to take notes." "And, I want you to find out about people's character." "You know, not there hotness, per se." "But, their humor and their charisma, and the indefinable quality that makes you all glad to follow me." "What happens to a company if somebody takes their boss away?" "I will answer your question with a question." "It's like what happens to a chicken, when you take its head away." "It dies." "Unless you find a new head." "I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head." "You want me to right down people's indefinable quality." "I want you to right down everything that people are doing all day." "And then, type it up." "In a way that is helpful." "I have the most boring job in the office." "So, why wouldn't I have the most boring job on Beach day?" "This way to the party bus." "I just wanna lie on the beach, and eat hot dogs." "That's all I've ever wanted." "The Gambler by Kenny Rogers ¢Ý And the night got deathly quiet ¢Ý" "¢Ý and his face lost all expression ¢Ý" "¢Ý Said, If you're gonna play the game, boy ¢Ý" "¢Ý ya gotta learn to play it right ¢Ý" "¢Ý You got to know when to hold 'em ¢Ý" "When to hold!" "¢Ý know when to fold 'em ¢Ý" "¢Ý Know when to walk away ¢Ý" "¢Ý and know when to run ¢Ý" "¢Ý You never count your money ¢Ý" "¢Ý when you're sittin' at the table ¢Ý" "¢Ý There'll be time enough for countin' ¢Ý" "¢Ý when the dealin's done ¢Ý" "Everybody, may I have your attention, please?" "Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach." "Oh, sweet mother of God." "If you don't like it Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus." "Excuse me?" "Or the front of the bus." "Or drive the bus." "Just" "We are all participating in mandatory fun activities." "Funtivities!" "And there is a special secret prize for the winner." "Yes!" "Funtivities!" "I knew it wasn't just a trip to the beach." "Okay, you know what?" "Your enthusiasm is turning people off!" "I hope they'll be the management parables." "Well" " Hey, Pam." "Did you get that down?" "Like what?" "Like everything I said, and everything they did and..." " Write it down before you forget it." "That's..." " I don't know exactly what" "You've just been drawing pictures." "I can't stay mad at you." "Here we are, ladies and gentlemen." "Everybody ready?" "Last one down is a rotten egg." "Watch out for snakes!" "Everybody put on sunscreens." "Alright." "Find a cozy spot." "Everybody settle in." "Okay, everybody up!" "Circle 'round." "Let us play some games." "We are situated on the northeast corner of scenic Lake Scranton." "America's 8th largest indigenous body of water." "It is here that a group of Americans will undergo the ultimate challenge." "One day, 14 strangers, who worked together, but only one survivor." " What?" " Just Words." "Inspiring words." "Not a contender." "For the competitions, You'll be divided into 4 tribes." "Each tribe will have a leader." "But I will pick randomly, off the top of my head, Without thinking." "Jim, Dwight, Andy and Stanley." " Yes!" " Choose your tribes." "Except for Pam." "Not Pam." "Jim Halpert." " Karen" " Pros." "Smart," "Cool," "Good looking," "Remind you of anybody you know," "Cons." "Not a hard worker." "I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour." "So, that should tell you something." "I choose Michael!" "I'm not playing." "Okay, Temp." "Dwight, is an obvious candidate for my job." "He has the best sales record in the office." "He loves to work." "He is however, an idiot." "We're going to choose team names." "Dwight." "We'll be called Gryffindor." "Really?" "Not Slytherin?" " Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim." " I know" "Okay, we'll be Voldemort." "He who must not be named." "I wouldn't do that." " Voldemort!" "Voldemort!" " Seriously!" "You really shouldn't be saying that." "Hey!" "Thse guys're idiots." "Okay, Stanley, your team name." "I don't care what you call my team." "Then I'll name your team, the Red team." "No, the Blue team." "I am also considering Stanley" "Because of all the good that black people have done for America." "We will be Team USA." "Very good." "Pam, please take a note that Andy is patriotic." "Andy Bernard." "Pros." "He is classy." "He gets me." "He went to Cornell." "I trust him." "Cons." "I don't really trust him." "It is time for the great spoon and egg race." "This one is a little twist." "There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon." "The person carrying the egg will be blindfolded" "Please put on your blindfolds." "That person caring the egg will go down," "Circle a torch, come back, deposit their egg in the pail." "First team back is the winner." "Alright, ready." "Set!" "Go!" "Come on Phyllis, you can do it." "Oh, thank you so much." "Phyllis is out." "Yes!" "Follow my voice." "Yeah, keep it moving." "Keep it moving right this way." " Looking good!" " I don't wanna hit the big rock!" "Don't worry." "You're not" "I know I'm near the big rock." "I just know it." "No where near the big rock." " I just don't want to get hit by it..." " What're you doing!" "No!" "See, now we're disqualified." "I am okay, if I lose every single contest today." "Honestly." "Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am." "Mallard!" "Woah, stop, stop, stop!" "There's a hole." "Step over the hole." "Come on!" "Lazy Bum!" "Move it!" " Perfect." "Ooh, just made it." "Turn left." " Come on, temp!" "Move it!" "Come on!" "Andale!" "Arriba!" "Arriba!" "Could you stop this right now?" "I'm not gonna do this anymore." "What're you saying?" "You have to stop yelling at me or I'm not gonna do the egg race." " Okay, I apologize for yelling at you." " That's what being a good captain is about." " I am trying to bring team spirit!" " It's about listening to the members of your team." "Oh, stop." "Another hole." "Take a big step." "Yeah!" "Oh my God!" "You ass!" "There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach." "Filled with sun, surf, and uh- diligent note taking." "Pam, you're missing things." "Let's go!" "Let's go!" "Come on!" "Mush!" "Mush!" "Come on you bastard!" "What the-!" "Damn it, Temp!" "Great job, everyone." "That was fantastic." "Okay Pam, I have another little project for you." "Does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs?" "Smart as a whip!" "Yes!" "These are pre-cooked." "So it's not absolutely necessary." "But I would appreciate if you can heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I'm going to be having." "I would greatly appreciate it." "When's the contest?" "Like-um- 10 minutes?" " How am I supposed to get these" " Thanks a bunch!" "A good manager has got to be hungry." "Hungry for success." "Okay, who's hungry!" "No, no, no, do not touch your food, please!" "Not yet!" "That is our next event." "A hot dog eating contest." "For those of you who're curious." "The world record is 54 and one half hot dogs." "Wow!" "And you know what?" "I personally have cooked up enough." "so that each and every one of you could break that record." "So shoot for the stars, okay?" "Alright, the team that eats the most hot dogs in 10 minutes will be declared the winner!" "On your mark!" " Get set!" " Can I have a turkey burger?" "No, I have the only one." "I claimed it." "Ready!" " Turkey is a healthy meat." " It's very good for you." "Can I skip this game, Michael?" "I'm not gonna eat this." "Get Set!" "Come on!" "Please!" "Let's just" "Okay, it's very important today that you all try to eat as many hot dogs as you can." "On your mark!" "Get set!" "Eat!" "Is there any mustard?" "No mustard!" "No mustard!" "Just eat it!" "Eat it, Phyllis." "Dip it in the water, so it'll slide down your gullet more easily." "Come on, the winner gets a big, big prize." "What is that?" "I can't say." "You can't say?" "Or you can't pronounce it?" "The winner gets reginal manager's salary for a year and a Sebring," "And the feeling that they're making differences in the world." "Can we just take those first two things?" "The winner of today gets my job!" "Okay?" "I'm interviewing for a job at corporate." "And they're only interviewing a handful of people and I'm the most qualified and I'll probably get it." "Alright?" "You're leaving?" "I didn't wanna tell anybody." "I didn't want to cast a pall over our fun beach day." "But you know what?" "I don't know who to recommend." "because frankly nobody is stepping up." "I am SO hungry!" "Do you expect me to believe that you're truly making your recommendation on this basis?" "Word." "There we go!" "Let's see it!" "I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office, besides myself." "Game on." "4 seconds, 3, 2, 1." "Stop your eating!" "And the winner is Andy Bernard!" " With 14 hotdogs!" " Team USA!" " One came up." " 13 hotdogs, everybody!" "Damn it!" "Nobody told me we're gonna have hotdogs!" "Sabotage!" "What?" "What're you saying?" " You just said sandwich?" " No" "I was saying that before." "Not now." "Now I am saying sabotage." "The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team." "I knew you were saying sabotage." "I was giving you an example of it." "I will misunderstand everything that Andy says, until he goes insane." "If Michael organizes some kind of group hug," "Stand next to me." "Very simple." "There are only 3 rules." "You must not touch the ground," "You must not step outside of the ring," "And you must always wear the safety mittens." "We don't have any safety mittens." "Probably left them in the trunk of my car." "It's alright." "It's alright." "Here we go." "Get'em big boy!" "And!" "Go!" "Come on, Jim!" "What're you doing?" "Nice, Stanley!" "Sorry about that." "It's all about taking points away from Dwight." " Yeah, no, good." " Okay" "Oh my God!" "I've never seen that look in a man's eyes ever." "I thought that I might die." "On beach day." "If either of these guys is putting charge of the office," "I will transfer to Albany." "Gil can come if he wants." "I'm kinda of looking the way out of the relationship anyway." "I think I might try girls for a while." "Angela thinks I can cross over." "We'll see." "One, two, three!" "Excellent!" "Gryffindor!" "I didn't win." "But the only reason I didn't win was because I recently learned that it's better to work thing out with words." "That's not why you lost." "Yeah, it is." "I totally could have kicked your butt so bad." " Yeah, right?" " Yeah, right." "How do you like that!" "Help!" "Angela, Angela!" "Hey!" "Thanks God." "Please, please tell somebody." "What Andy?" "Andy, what should I tell them?" "Go tell them I'm floating away, obviously!" "I don't understand what you want from me." "Angela!" "It's pretty simple!" "Look at what I'm doing, and go tell somebody it!" "Sorry!" "Bye Andy!" "Angela!" "I knew that finding a successor would be difficult." "I did not know that it would be impossible." "Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing." "Jim is not taking this seriously," "Stanly is having a stroke," "And, Andy." "Where is he?" "Where the hell is Andy?" "Where is he Pam?" "Do you know?" "Who's ahead in points?" "I think they're even." "At various times you gave Jim, 10 points." "Dwight, a gold star." "And Stanley a thumbs up." "And I don't really know how to compare those units." "Check to see if there is a conversion chart in that notebook." " I really doubt it, Michael." " Please just check." "Great." "Yeah, I'll see you next week." "Thank you." "And, here is Karen Filippelli." "Bye." "Hello?" "Yeah, hi David." "Yes, I would like to be considered for the corporate position in well." " In well?" " As well." "How would that work, "in well?"" " I just wanna know." " Yes." "Wait a minute." " That would be fine." " If this Job is in a well, I don't want it" " Cut it out!" " I don't" "What does a great manager need most of all?" "Courage?" "How so?" "I mean, sure thing." "That sounds smart" "I can't do this anymore." "I'm going to sit in the bus." "Your loss, Stanley." "Meanwhile the rest of us will have a super fun time defeating our fear, and creating a lasting memory." "walking through fire!" "Who among you has the guts to replace me?" "Let him walk across these coals." "Are you gonna try it?" "I'm not going to talk through the fire after your disgusting feet have gone through." "Angela, it is a million degrees." "I'm gonna do it." "And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital." "That's the right spirit when doing a coal walk, right?" "No, no." "Not you, Pam." "You keep scores." " I'd like to try it." " Pointless." "And I'm not kidding," " I really wanna do it." " Okay?" "This is about guts!" "It takes a gut to be a regional manager." "Jim, you're up." " Nope." " Just" " Why not?" "come on." "¡®Cause I don't want my feet to get burn." "You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager." "That's harsh." "Who's next?" "Andy." "Where's Andy?" "Andy is never here today." "Hello?" "Who's there?" "My name is Andrew Bernard." "I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin." "Hello?" "Why don't you go, Michael?" "Because I already did." "Remember?" "I burned my foot." "on a George Foreman grill." "That is not the same at all." "If you're gonna ask other people to do it, you should do it yourself." "Alright, okay." "Alright." "The mind has to wrap around the foot." "Do you want us to count to three?" "Yes, count to three, please." "Three, two, one!" "Count the other way!" "no, no, count one, two, three, not three, two, one." " One, two, three!" " Go!" " Do it!" " Go Michael!" "Wait!" "Am I going on go?" "Or am I going on three?" "On the go that's after three." "Okay." "One, two, three!" "GO!" "No!" "It's okay!" "I'll do this Michael!" "I'll walk and stand on the coals" "Until you award me the position of regional manager!" "Dwight, keep moving and walk there" "Give me the Job!" "I'm not going to give it to you." "Don't kneel on the coals!" "Michael!" "Do something!" "God!" "That stings!" "Being a boss is also about image." "I never look like that." "That was gross." "I just" " I don't see the connection between a firework and management." "Worst 75 bucks I ever spent." "You know what, if I had to pick my replacement based on today," "It would be Mr. Outside Hire." "Or Mrs. Outside Hire." "Yeah." "True." "Look, I don't wanna leave this branch that I love, to an outside hire." "Therefore, we're going to have a 100 point winner take all sudden death tribal council round." "To test the aspect of my job that I think is most important something I call the Bob Hope factor." "Who's Bob Hope?" "God!" "He's- he's a comedian." "Oh my God!" "Like Amanda Bynes." "Who's Amanda Bynes?" "She's from What a Girl Want." "Oh I love that movie." "Yes, Kelly is right." "The person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor." "And they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope." "So, without further adieu," "Jim and Dwight, show us what you've got." "Hey, I" " I know what you're looking for." "But um" " I gotta be honest." "I really don't think I should be considered it as your replacement." "You are being too modest." "Michael, on Thursday, I'm gonna drive down and interview with David for the open position in New York." "Okay." "That is not funny." "I am deducting 60 points for the Voldemort." "For false pretenses." "Okay, Dwight, your turn." "Wow us." "The Aristocrats." "A man and his wife and his children go into the offices of a talent agency." "And the talent agent says," ""Describe your act"" "And the man says something really really raunchy." "and the talent representative says," ""What do you call yourselves?"" "And the man says, "The Aristocrats!"" "I mean truly repulsive acts." "That is a very, very funny story." "Hey, I wanna say something." "I've been trying to be more honest lately." "And I just need to say few things." "I did the coal walk!" "Just" " I did it." "Michael, you couldn't even do that." "Maybe I should be your boss." "Wow, I feel really good right now." "Why didn't any of you come to my art show?" "I invited all of you." "That really sucked." "It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist." "Jim, I called off my wedding because of you." "And now we're not even friends." "And things are just weird between us." "That sucks." "I miss you." "You were my best friend before you went to Stamford." "I really miss you." "I shouldn't have been with Roy." "There were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding." "But the truth is I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you." "And now you're with someone else." "And that's fine." "It's- whatever- that's not what I'm" "I'm not- Okay, my feet really hurt." "The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim," "And to everyone else in the circle, I guess, is I miss having fun with you." "Just you." "Not everyone in the circle." "Okay." "I am gonna go walk in the water for now," "Yeah." "It's a good day." "Pam, that was amazing!" "But I am still looking for someone with a sales background." "Flinstones Theme Songs ¢Ý Flintstones!" "Meet the Flintstones ¢Ý" "¢Ý They're a modern stoneage family ¢Ý" "¢Ý From the town of Bedrock ¢Ý" "¢Ý They're a page right out of history ¢Ý" "¢Ý Let's ride with the family down the street ¢Ý" "¢Ý Thru the courtesy of Fred's two feet ¢Ý" "¢Ý When you're with the Flintstones ¢Ý" "¢Ý have a yabba dabba doo time ¢Ý" "¢Ý a dabba doo time ¢Ý" "¢Ý we'll have a gay old time ¢Ý" "Wilma!" "Nice."