"Uh... oh, no." "I suppose there's one in every group, one oddball..." " who never fits in." " Let's go get him." " Come on!" " Yeah." "Well, that was me..." " Aah!" " David Gordon." "I found my escape through my stories." "My imagination was a..." "was like a rocket ship... that took me far away where I could look at life... from a safe distance... which, I guess, is what I..." "I now do in my books." "As unlucky as I was in childhood..." "I was very, very lucky as a writer." "Um, so instead of becoming a well-adjusted, normal person..." "I became a kind of a deranged, successful person." "And I'm not sure which is preferable... but it doesn't really matter 'cause you don't get to choose." "But to answer your original question more directly... yes, I do believe that in every work of fiction... there is one character that, for the author... is in some ways autobiographical... and that certainly holds true for Dracoban." "You know, like in a dream... one character, um, usually represents you... but in this case, it's not who you expect... um, because, you see, I'm not the human." "I'm the creature." "Is that good?" "David." "Hey, Harlee." "Thought I might see you here today." "Yeah." "I thought I might see you, too." "Sweet of you to come." "Yeah, I think..." "I think we spent... almost every single birthday together since the third grade." "Hi, Somewhere." "Somewhere's happy to see you." "So what do you think, honestly?" "Are you kidding?" "I love the idea of you adopting a child." "I think it's so beautiful... for you to open up your heart like that." "Liz thinks I'm crazy, you know?" "I mean, what if she's right, you know?" "What if I'm..." "What if I'm not up to it?" "Let me tell you something." "My mother raised five kids, and never, for one second... did she question whether she was cut out to be a parent." "And she was great, right?" "No, the worst." "Her shrink has a house in Laguna because of her." "Oh." "Just the fact that you're even asking yourself the question... pretty much proves you're qualified." "Most people spend more time worrying about... how to raise tomatoes than they do their own kids." "You even imagine how happy Mary would be about this?" "Yeah, but that's not a good enough reason to do it." "You've got a lot of love left in your heart." "You better come back here!" "You better come back here!" "Hi, David." "Hi." "Hi, Sophie." "It's been a long time." "Yeah, yeah, been a few years." "You look well." "Thanks." "You, too." "Come on, throw the ball!" "Just not ready to commit to something like this." "I'm sorry." "Didrt you know I was gonna ask you something like this?" "Didrt want to say no over the phone." "Right." "It didn't seem right." "I'm really sorry." "When girls go shopping..." "Hi." "What's your name?" "Esther." "Hi, Esther." "I know who you are." "You do?" "You're the man who Sophie called about Dennis... but you don't want him 'cause your wife's dead." "Who told you that?" "Dennis." "Are you a friend of his, or what?" "No." "He's a weirdo." "He doesn't have any friends." "He doesn't?" "Where is he hangir out?" "He's in the box." "He doesn't come out until night." "Why does he do that?" "The sun." "He hates the sun." "Why does he hate the sun?" "I don't know." "Because he thinks it's too sunny?" "Right." "I told him you were weird." "He is in the box." "Oh!" "Man!" "Ooh!" "But I don't understand... why did she call you in the first place?" "Well, she thought she had found a good match for us." "Arert, like, single men like the bottom of the totem pole?" "Hey, I am not a single man." "I am a widower... and that is the worst of all worlds." "I am in the ground below the totem pole." "Oh, wow, you know what?" "I think it was really insensitive of her... to call in the first place." "I mean, it's only been two years." " Oh!" "Oh!" " Hey!" " Guys, get off the dog." " We're just playing." " Yeah." " Oh!" "That dog is like 200 years old in human..." "Would you do that to Grandma?" "Guys, get off!" "They drive me nuts, and they're mine." "I mean, I don't know why Mary even wanted to adopt." "Well, she was adopted herself and, you know..." "Yeah, but it was something you were gonna do together..." " and, you know." " Yeah." "Yeah." "But, hey, it's not gonna happen." "You're like preaching to the converted." "Okay." "Good... because here's a voice from the trenches..." ""Parenting is really hard."" "All right?" "It's hard, and you need at least two people." "Well, you know, we had Mom and Dad." "We had two people, and they hated being parents." "I'm just saying there are no guarantees." "There's plenty of single parents." "All right." "Well, I don't want to see you get hurt." "I mean, you could have a kid of rage or something." "Kid of rage?" "Yeah, well, there was some TV movie... and they were crazy." "Listen, I got to go take The Omen One and Two... to soccer practice, okay?" "So just stay here." "You made the right choice." "That was a good decision, okay?" "Have some coffee or some food or something." "We have snacks." "Hey, I miss her, too." "Somewhere a dog barked... and then he licked his privates." "What do you think, Somewhere?" "You think we could do it alone?" "Huh?" "Anybody home?" "Uh, listen, Chief, I, uh..." "I brought you some sun block... very strong stuff." "SPF 45..." "That's sun protection factor... and, uh, helps you against the ultraviolet rays... which are..." "You know, they call them the UV rays." "Anyway, it's hypoallergenic and waterproof." "Just leave it for you." "Hi, Sophie, how you doir?" "Not bad." "You good?" "Good." "Didrt expect to see you back here." "Yeah, I wanted to bring the kid some sun block." "Oh." "What was that?" "It's his Polaroid." "He likes taking pictures." "There's no film in it." "He's just... ha..." "likes taking pictures." "Hmm." "Just as a point of interest... what made you think I'd be a good match... for a boy who spends most of his time in a box?" "He thinks he's from another planet." "Yah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Yah!" "Un!" " Cut!" " Looks great." "Looks great, guys." "Thank you." " We're going in." " So, buddy, what do you think?" "Where is the pathos?" "What?" "Dude, where is the pathos?" "The Earl of Dracoban is dying." " This is a guy..." " Buddy!" "who has fought his way across the galaxy." "Lastupon..." "Lastupon was a blue dwarf that became a red giant." "It's the red dwarf phase of the giant." "What are you talk..." "Look, I don't know what I'm talkir about." "But this I do know..." "I see a production that is honoring the world of your book." "Really, takir it very seriously." "That's what I see." " Speaking of your book..." " Aah!" "Guess who I got a call from today." "Your publisher, our publisher." " Tina." " Tina." "Did she ask you how The Revenge of Dracoban is coming?" "No, she shouted it." "Ah." "You know what the problem is?" "When I wrote the novel... there's this giant massacre at the end and everybody dies." " I know." " All the characters are dead." "I know." "I sold it." "It's a problem." "That's great." "Let's move on to the master scene." "What am I gonna tell Tina?" "Tell Tina that somewhere in the deepest, darkest bowels... of Castle Zeptar, the earl's necromancers... are bringing him back to life against his will... if that's possible." "Is that any good?" "Sure." "Lighting!" "Good morning!" "Your sword!" "Move ahead!" "David, and, hello, earth to David." "A kid who sits in a box all day... is a giant red flag, all right?" "It's like the equivalent of buying a used car... and ignoring the oil spill in the driveway." "You know, for a non-writer you're becoming the queen..." " of the muscular analogy." " Okay." "Listen, the thing about kids... and I wouldn't trade mine for the world... is that they keep comir at you, all right?" "They're..." "They're like mosquitoes... suckir the life out of you." "They take away your life, your privacy, your identity." "You should work for Planned Parenthood." "You joke." "You forget that whole shelf-full of books you wrote... or your knowledge of California wines... or that you ever ran a marathon." "All right, here's the thing, Liz." "I never ran a marathon." "I don't want to run a marathon." "I want to do something meaningful, you know?" "And I get all the arguments against it." "I even get the one that says..." ""I don't know if I want to bring another kid into this world."" "But how do you argue with the logic... of loving one that's already here?" "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." " Dennis!" " Tran fobo medio." "Dennis, what are you doing?" " It's raining!" " I'm waiting for David." "What?" "The man with UV protection." "Come in." "Get over here!" "Ahem, anybody in there?" "Brought you somethir." "One, two, three, four..." "Those really help cut out the glare... uh, one... in your ongoing battle with the sun." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "One..." "Quality throw, chief." "Nice to see ya." "Very nice to see ya, actually." "He's not a puppy in a window, you know?" "I know." "All right, catch it, catch it." " Go for it." " Okay." "You see, he's been abandoned, emotionally abused... he's classified as "hard to place."" "He's..." "He's never had a family of his own." "I know, but am I the right person for him?" "I mean, I'm just a writer." "He's seen a lot of doctors, if that's what you mean." "That's not what he needs." "Oh, you!" "At least tell me what you're thinkir." "I'm thinking I must be out of my mind." "I see you remembered your sunscreen." "You know, it works just as good if you don't put so much on." "Is that your weight belt?" "Earth's gravity is weak." "Mars is constantly pulling me back." "So without all that stuff... you think you'd just float away?" "Uh-huh." "That ever happen before?" "Yes." "When?" "With another mommy and daddy." "Sophie, someone" " stole my ice cream!" " Hey!" "Wait up!" "Uh, uncommunicative... a tendency to steal things... inability to form personal attachments... or distinguish between right and wrong... and he thinks..." "He thinks he's from outer space." "Not to put too sharp a point on it... but I think he thinks he's from Mars." "How do you plan to deal with that, Mr. Gordon?" "Fantasy is my business." "It's..." "It's what I do for a living." "And one of the things I've learned about fantasy... uh... in my own life... is that it can be a survival technique... you know, kind of a coping mechanism... a way to deal with problems that are bigger than you... bigger than you're... you're capable of dealing with." "Uh, so, uh, you know... the... the... the short answer is, um, you know... try to find that balance between socializing him... and letting him be who he is." "So, um, you know... um, so, you know, on the one hand... uh, help him out as much as I can... and on the other hand, uh, if he wants to..." "If this little guy wants to believe... he's from another planet... you know, I mean, who am I to argue?" "This isn't science fiction." "This isn't a short story." "Very often, with our children... we don't get to have a second draft." "Yeah." "A single man raising a child with problems... that are not common, that are not easy... you're gonna need all kinds of help." "You'd need to include us..." " Mm-hmm." " include me." "Does anybody have anything?" "No." "We're gonna take some time and think about this." "Thank you, Mr. Gordon." "We'll let you know." "Hello." "Hey, man, what's up?" "How's things on the planet?" "Go away." "What?" "Hello." "Hey." "Liz, I can't talk right now." "I'm waitir for the call." "But you have call waiting." "But I don't trust it." "Your uncle is nuts." "Hello." "Really?" "Yes!" "Thanks for comir out here with me today." "It's pretty." "I thought you'd like it." "It's cool." "I like the holding-down belt." "You can wear the holding-down belt... all day long if you like." "Listen, Dennis, Mr. Lefkowitz... said you can come live in my house if you want." "It'll only be temporary at first... but if you like it, you could stay." "I eat Lucky Charms." "I am a big believer in a substantial breakfast." "Get your suitcase for you." "I got it." "Okay." "Go ahead." "You can cut through here." "Oh, right over here." "Yeah, yeah." "This way, young squire." "Hey, Somewhere!" "Hey, Somewhere, Somewhere, down, boy." "Down, boy." "Hey, sorry." "That's just Somewhere." "It's just his way of saying hello." "We don't have those where I come from." "You're not a dog person, huh?" "I'm just waiting for the boys to get home." "Well, what is he doing now?" "He's just..." "He's just in his room." "Should I give him some space or go in there?" "I'll call you back." "I'll call you back." "This is kind of an a..." "of an interesting thing." "It's a special night light." "But as you can see, it has pictures of the planets... and the solar systems... and, you see, they kind of spin around." "It's got mirrors." "And lights on the bottom and pictures." "That's not right." "Yeah?" "Well, what do you mean?" "You'll have to make the ceiling bigger... and you'll have to make your planet like this." "You're..." "You're absolutely right." "For the..." "For it to be accurate... the ceiling would have to be, I don't know, 100 feet long... and the earth would be the size of a pea." "Very, very good." "How do you know that much about scale?" "It took a very long time to get here." "A very, very, very long time to get here." "You can get rid of some of those old clothes if you want." "Or we can keep that old stuff... till it literally disintegrates and falls off your body." "That's a good way to go, too." "That's kinda cool." "I used to be good at video games." "It's not a game." "It's not?" "Whatever it is, it's cool." "Should I close the door... or should I just leave it open or halfway?" "Leave it open?" "Mid-way?" "Just think of it as a bigger box." "All right, Dennis, I think you're gonna enjoy this." "But, listen, before we eat, rules of the house... first rule, no girls after 10 P.M." "Just kidding on that one." "Uh... the first rule is that there..." "There really aren't any rules, you know?" "Just maybe some basic stuff about..." "Oh!" "Better put a sticker there, I guess." "Listen, maybe we can, uh, have a..." "I don't know, more of a guideline... more than a rule, that we don't... um, wear the sunglasses indoors... just for navigational purposes." "I mean, this is a grilled cheese sandwich." "Uh, I made you a grilled cheese sandwich... 'cause I love grilled cheese sandwiches." "I think that they're, you know, an American classic." "I used to eat these a lot when I was a kid." "I loved 'em." "I eat Lucky Charms." "Yeah, sure, for breakfast, you can have Lucky Charms... or maybe some granola or yogurt, any kind of cereal." "That sounds great." "So, anyway, bon appetit." "Try that." "I eat Lucky Charms." "Oh, here we go." "Look at that." "All right, let's get more... because, you know, you never know." "We gotta stock up." "Never know if there's gonna be the avian bird flu... or bubonic plague... or any other sort of pandemic is gonna come along... and really wreck your day." "Want to make sure you have the right supplies." "This stuff has..." "This stuff has gotta have... a shelf life of about 33,000 years." "If anything happened... the, um, apocalypse, the four horsemen show up... this stuff is still magically delicious." "We're Lucky Charms guys." "Mary?" "Dennis, are you okay?" "What are you doir?" "Watching you." "Oh!" "It's a little late for that." "Dennis?" "Dennis, what are you doir?" "Come on, let's..." "Let's put the camera away." "Dennis, please." "Let's put the camera away." "Come on now." "Beware!" "I almost Disney-grated you." "You almost disintegrated me?" "Why would you want to do that?" "Hey, it's the, um... ahem." "It's the middle of the night, chief." "What are you doir with all these pictures?" "And what are you doir up?" "Learning." "Learning?" "Learning what?" "How to be a human and part of a family." "I think you speak for a lot of us there." "Um..." "That's very good." "That's very realistic." "Um, maybe we ought to pick this up in the morning... over a bowl of Lucky Charms, what do you say?" "Maybe we should go to bed now." "Yeah, yeah, I saw that." "That's a very good expression." "Yeah?" "Yes, Mr. Gordon." "Hi, Mr. Lefkowitz..." " from Childrers Services." " Wh-What?" "Who?" "This is Mr. Lefkowitz from Childrers Services." "Oh, hi." "Hello, sir." "How are you?" "Well, good." "More to the point, how are you?" "Couldrt be better." "Couldrt be better." "Good." "How's Dennis?" "Is there anything we should talk about?" "Mr. Gordon?" "Hello, Mr. Gordon." "Uh, yeah." "I'm here." "Yeah, hi." "I was asking if... if..." "Do you have any concerns about Dennis... that you'd like to talk about?" "No, no." "Everything's going great." "Couldrt be better, sir." "Hmm..." "I think it's time to get you out of the house." "Listen, imagination is a rare commodity." "Dennis has the soul of an artist." "He could grow up to be, you know... become a prodigy like..." "You saw Amadeus." "He could be a little Mozart in waiting for all you know." "Mom, he's being gross." " Come on." " Guys, let it go, okay?" "Remember?" "It all ends up in the same place, right?" "Come on, guys." "I mean, I want to be sensitive, but he's a mess." "Hey, that's sensitive?" "You should hear blunt." "No, but really." "Listen, my point is that not everybody is born to be... a go-with-the-flow, happy little Gap-kid." "Right now, it looks like he's gonna grow up... to be Tiny Tim with a ukulele, all right?" "What, are you breeding geniuses now?" "Mozart, by the way, died in a hovel at 27, drunk and..." "Unspecified fever at 35." "Stuff like that." "Sure, we all enjoyed his music, but did he enjoy himself?" "Give me a chance." "You know, David, as far as I'm concerned... they're all from Mars." "At least your kid admits it." "See, this is a smart man." "That's the correct answer, man." " Smart man." "Right." " You married a smart man." "I know." "I agree they're all from Mars." "Strike two!" "Two and two the count... as Bobby Miller gets ready for the pitch." "as Bobby Miller gets ready for the pitch." "Here we go." "Strike three!" "That was a nice strike-out, huh?" "It's called a strike-out." "It's pretty cool, huh?" "You want a peanut?" "You know what's really cool about baseball?" "You know what I love about baseball?" "Baseball is the only sport... where you can fail 70 percent of the time and still be great." "It's about trying hard and never, ever, ever givir up." "Just think about it." "If you get a hit three out of every 10 times... you're at bat, you're really good." "If you do a little bit better than that... just a little bit better than that... maybe 3.2, 3.3 times... you're great, and you could be a star." "And you're gonna make it to the Big Show." "And if you do that on the Big Show... you're a superstar." "Superstars don't exist." "Only supernovas or white dwarfs." "I deserve you." "I really do." "You're out." "This guy doesn't look like much of a hitter." "But we believe, don't we?" "Come on, now!" "Strike three!" "It's not lookir pretty." "We're down by seven runs." "We're not hittir a lick." "Come on, batter." "We need a hit." "Right on the ball!" "Yeah!" "There you go." "Got a single." "Get something started." "I did it." "You did what?" "I made a Martian wish." "You made a..." "You made a Martian wish?" "Yeah." "Martians can wish for stuff." "Like hits?" "Whatever." "You know, sometimes I make earth wishes... but they don't always work out." "Well, listen, since you're in the wishing mode... see this guy comir up to the plate?" "Wish for a home run." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "That ball is gone!" "Want him to win?" "Unbelievable." "What an awesome display of power." "You're a prognosticator, you're a scholar... and now you're a baseball fanatic, and I like it." "...all the way back to 1973." "Let's hear it for those Coal Miners." "Now..." "Unbelievable game." "Unbelievable game." "This isn't looking pretty." "Do you know we spend an average of two weeks... in a lifetime waiting for traffic lights?" "I remember when all these lights... were timed, you know, when they were synchronized?" "And you could just find this little seam in the universe... and float through." "Wow." "Did you see that?" "Yup." "I just gave you three minutes of your life back." "Well, thank you." "I'll use them wisely." "Do that again." "Nope." "Why?" "'Cause you don't want to or 'cause you can't?" "I only have so many Martian wishes." "That's fair." "But if you want, I can give you one." "Who wouldn't want one?" "There, I just gave you a Martian wish." "Don't waste it." "I absolutely won't." "I promise." "I'll use it for something really important." "That was really intense." "You're just a freaky little dude, man." "Ahem." "Hey, Somewhere." " This is Harlee." " Hi." "She's..." "She's our good friend, me and Somewhere." "She helped design this whole garden, so..." "Nice frame." "I've heard a lot about you." "You want to say hi?" " No?" " It's okay." "Don't worry." "Don't worry." "Isn't he wild?" "He's great, like a little Andy Warhol." "He has the same social skills, by the way." "You know what I think it is?" "What?" "He's an old soul." "What does that mean?" "Seriously." "It just means he's figured it out." "You're one relentlessly sunny individual." "Yeah, well, I don't always wake up that way." "And that is what we so admire about you." "This particular move here that he's got goir... can't be sanitary or safe." "He likes to vacuum." "No, no, no, he thinks he is the vacuum." "There's a difference, see?" "That's so Zen." "It is, kind of, isn't it?" "Yeah." "See?" "More sunshine." "Keep your hips towards me, though, if you can." "Just move this foot a little towards me." "No, no, not that part of your hips." "Just square yourself up this way." "Right like that, right?" "And then hand on the bat... and, remember, you're gonna step forward." "When you hit the ball, you can yell, "Hot coffee!"" "Say it." "Hot coffee!" "Say, "Hot coffee!"" "All right, forget it." "Seven out of ten times you can fail... but you're still a star." "A little better than that... you'll go to the Big Show for a cup of coffee." "I like this game." "I know." "It's good, right?" "It's a great game." "So, eye on the ball and swing." "That was a little late." "Watch the ball hit the bat." "Watch." "Just have your eyes go right there." "What is with your pitching?" " Here we go." " Oh!" "That was a little too early." " But it was so good." " Yeah." "It was a good form." "Almost, Dennis, that was nice." "All right now, with fierce determination." "Want to see you, you know, just groove on it." "You know, get a little attitude." "You know, a little swagger." "You touch the plate." "Come on, you're a lefty." "You're weird, you're eccentric, nobody understands you." "You don't even understand yourself." "You know what I'm sayir?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah, that's what I'm talkir about." "Yeah." "Now hands back, give me the eagle eye." "I'm scared." "That's what I'm talkir about." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Hot coffee!" "Hot coffee." "Oh!" "Hot coffee!" "Yeah, you drove it it down the line." "That's a fair ball!" "Run!" "Run!" "Run, Dennis!" "Fair ball!" "Run!" "Drop the bat and run." "Run." "Run!" " Dennis, run." " Go, run!" "Run!" " Come on!" " Run!" "Quick!" "Come on now." "Oh, thank you, sweetie." "What was that for?" "'Cause they're giving medals to all the wrong guys." "Hello, my name is Jeff." "Hey, buddy." "I'm a friend of your..." "David's... um, and I have this present for you." "You're his agent." "Yes, I am." "Wow, that's, pfft, very good." "I'm impressed." "Where is, um, David?" "Is he inside?" "Is he inside?" "Is he writing?" "Is he writing inside?" "Okay, buddy, listen, I'm..." " Hey, Jeff!" " Hey, buddy, how are ya?" "Good to see you." "You met Dennis, huh?" "Yeah, we've just been getting to know each other." "If he gets hungry..." "Lucky Charms all night long, right?" "Lucky Charms." "Knuckles?" "He's not..." "It takes a while." "Hi." "We're gonna go." "See you, buddy." "Nice to see ya." "God, I'm so proud of you, man..." " Yeah." " re-entering your life... fantastic." "It's not going very well." "Buddy, you know what?" "There is a long and proud tradition... of asking for help in the form of a nanny." " No!" " There's absolutely..." "No, there's no shame in that." "I'm not talking about..." "I'm not talking about Dennis." "He's fine." "I'm talking about, you know... the book's not going particularly well." "What..." "What's, um..." "What's going on with the book?" "Does that mean like... sagging-in-the-middle not good or what?" " No." " Like the ending?" "You havir a hard time noodling the ending?" "Can I help you?" "Is there anything I can help..." "No, no, it's just that there's an essential idea..." "I haven't come to grips with." "But you know the great thing about Dennis?" "He is a fountain of ideas." "He is challenging all my assumptions, all of them... every one of them, and I am going with it." "I just got to learn to be a little less rigid." "Or a little more rigid." "Yup, it's great." "I'm so excited... that you're figuring out the rigidity... but, buddy, I am livir The Revenge of Dracoban... on a daily basis... and the forces of darkness are closir in on me, man." "Tina's coming to town." "Yeah, she's havir a big black tie party for you..." " and she expects you" " Party?" "to ritualistically hand over to her... the first draft ever written... of The Revenge of Dracoban Part Two, the sequel." "When?" "About six weeks from now." "You know, so that's it." "When?" "January 28th." "She's doing it January 28th." "What is the significance of that date?" "I don't know." "She's doing a book signing or something that night." "The book signing at the..." "I got to get a sitter!" "Buddy, are you losir your mind?" "No." "Because if you are..." "I just need a little bit of lead time." "Don't you think I deserve that..." " after all these years?" " Don't worry." "You sure you don't want me to come in with you?" "Yes." "Yes, come in?" "No." "Don't come in." "Don't come in." "You need the umbrella?" "Yes." "And the weight belt's an absolutely essential item?" " ## Just let your feelings roll on by ##" " Uh-Huh." "Okay." "You're gonna have..." " a great first day." " ## Don't wear fear ##" "## Or nobody will know ##" " ## You're here ##" " Dennis." "Dennis." "Dennis." " ## Lift your head ##" " Listen, just..." "## And let your feelings out instead ##" "Just be yourself." "## Don't be shy ##" "That's all you got to do, okay?" "## Just let your feelings roll on by ##" "## On by ##" " ## You know love ##" " Dennis, Dennis, Dennis, Dennis." " ## Is better than a song ##" " That way." "## Love is where all of us belong ##" "## So don't be shy ##" "## Just let your feelings roll on by ##" "Hey, Zack, you wanna play football?" "Hey, retard." "Yeah, we see you." "You little punks." "Sir, is there a problem?" "Uh, no, no, no... not at..." "I'm just here to watch." "Yeah, that's a problem." "No, no, no." "This is a total misunderstanding." "This is not what it appears to be." "Do you..." "I'm a new parent." "That..." "That..." "He's my..." "He's my son... and it's his first day... and I was really concerned." "I came to check on my daughter." "Oh." "That's my baby right there in the brown." " Driving the, uh..." " Mm-hmm." "Which one's yours?" "Over off on the side there... hanging upside down." " Weirdo." " I know." "Good luck to you, sir." "Yeah." "He says he's counteracting earth's gravitational pull... because it impedes the blood flow to his brains." "That's what the yogis believe." "Yogis don't have to go to second grade." "Hey, there's no harm in being a little eccentric." "This I know." "So, he thinks he's from Mars... and you write about Mars, that's great." "A little Martian chose you to teach him about being human." "Come on." "He came to earth to document our existence." "Listen, when I was 11 years old, I saw The Sound of Music... and from that moment on, I was convinced..." "I was the lost von Trapp sister." "You?" "Yeah, but did you go to school in lederhosen?" "Yes, I did." "That's a good look for you." " He's a sweet little boy..." " Yeah." "But, uh, he's not like the others." " Really?" " Mm-hmm." "The, uh, social worker says... he has above average intelligence... but, you know, I guess... it just takes time for him to adjust." "He steals from the other children." "Steals?" "We find things in his cubby:" "shoes, pencils, retainers." "Um, you know, Dennis has a really curious mind... and I think he just really needs..." "You know, if it were only..." "If it were only about the stealing... but Dennis needs special attention... that we're simply not equipped to offer here." "What do you mean you're not equipped to offer?" "I'm sorry." "About what?" "What are you saying?" "You're saying you're throwing him out?" "Well, that's really..." "That's really cold." " Mr. Gordon." " Hi." "Dennis and I had a nice, long chat." "Good." "How'd that go, pal?" "I'm an intelligent being." "I completely agree." "Yeah." "Um, why don't you and I chat?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "You want to wait here?" "What do I do for Dennis?" "I mean, to..." "Do what you're doing." "Just, you know, you got to give this some time." "You know, doctor, I'm really concerned." "I mean, he's not making any friends... and he's not relating to me particularly well... and he just got expelled from school for stealing... and he's a very isolated little guy." "And when he, uh, you know, when he's vulnerable... and scared like that, I just..." "I mean, when he tells me... he thinks he's gonna float away." "He probably thinks he's gonna float away... because he's very smart... and he sees that he's living in a world... where things and people do disappear." "I could give him a prescription, but, honestly, I..." "I think that seeing how another intelligent being... keeps his feet on the ground... would be far more therapeutic for Dennis." "Mr. Gordon, all parents feel... like they're the blind leading the blind." "Sure." "Listen, pal, I got to talk to you about something." "Um, after Christmas break," "And I want to see because that can be kinda scary, startir a new school... and, you know, your teacher thinks it's a good idea... and... and... and so do I." "And, um..." "Uh..." "It's good to measure things, huh?" "Anyway, how do you feel about it?" "You okay to take a fresh start?" "Take a fresh run at a new school?" "Would you be up for that?" "Hmm?" "What are you looking at?" "That's where they found me... on the grass by the big, round building." "It was raining." "You know what's weird is that was so long ago..." "I would think you couldn't remember it." "I couldn't, so how could you?" "They'll come back someday to get me." "Like, like summer camp?" "You don't believe me." "So Martians can read minds, too, huh?" "Martians can do lots of things you can't." "Besides changing traffic lights, what can you do?" "We can taste color." "Okay." "You can taste color." "Prove it to me." "Off with the glasses, close your eyes." "They said this would happen." "Open up." "Open..." "Don't..." "You were lookir." "You were totally lookir." "Right, open up." "Here we go." "What color is it?" "Red." "All right, but that one doesn't count... because we had obvious ethical complications." "Open up." "Green." "Very good." "Open up." "Yellow." "Yes, it was." "This one?" "Well?" "I can't taste it." "It's blue." "I know." "I can't taste blue." "A little too bright?" "Shade it back up." "Come, Flomar." "Did you just call Somewhere "Flomar"?" "It's Martian for "warm, furry friend."" "He picked it." "Oh." "All right." "You want to get a glass of water for you?" " No." " ## Jingle bells ##" " No, thank you." "## Jingle bells ##" "Where do you..." "Where do you want him to sit?" "Hey, it doesn't matter." "Anywhere you want." "Be laissez-faire about it, right?" "Okay, does he have turkey... or should I get some Lucky Charms?" "I don't know." "Ask boy wonder over there." "Okay." "Hey." "Hey, Dennis." "Do you want to have some turkey with us?" "I can't eat anything grown on Saturrs moons." " Hmm." " Well, then, I think you're safe here." "That'll be great." "Okay, buddy?" "You ever notice how far apart his eyes are actually set?" "No." "Or that his ears are just a little bit pointy?" "Little bit." "David?" "All this time I was thinking... that I was no good as a father, right?" "Uh-huh." "And that, you know, I was working the Mars... as a metaphor angle." "But then I was thinking to myself... what if that's not it?" "What if he actually really is imbued, you know... with some special..." "You know, he could be a little medium." " David, you're hysterical." " I know." "See, everybody says, "Don't be hysterical."" "But I say, "Why not be hysterical?"" "Hysterical is the new calm." "My wife dies, boom..." "I go out and I adopt a kid from Neptune." "Should I just chill, or should I be hysterical?" "You tell me." "I think hysteria is a way of life." "It's a clothing line at least." "I could stop writing... not that I'm writing anyway." "David, I'm..." "I'm worrying about you." "Why?" "Because I think what's really going on here... is you guys are really struggling." "You think I don't know that?" "I know that." "You know, you're still in a trial period." "I mean..." "You can return him like a defective toaster, right?" "Is that what you mean?" "I..." "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I..." "I know you see a lot of yourself in him... but, David, I was there." "You were weird, and you had problems... but this kid is in a whole other league." "You know, what is so amazing about you... is that you're right." "You're always right... and you remember when you're right... and you never let anybody else forget it." "I'm gonna just go out for a minute." "Hey, come on, Dennis." "Let's get out of here." "Gee, this was fun, huh?" "A little later..." " David?" " I can make you some Lucky Charms or something." " David?" "David, don't." " That's okay." " Come on, it's Christmas." " Well, you know, whatever." " Of course, it is." " You know?" "Where..." "Where you going?" "David?" "Come on." "Hey." "Come on." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean..." "Well, "trial period," is that a code?" " Okay." " Some kind of code?" "'Cause you said that." " I know." " l..." "You know what?" "I, I, I..." "Everything's okay." "Everything's cool." " I was just trying..." " You know, I'm just tired." "I'm just tired." "But it's Christmas, David." " No." "We'll come over tomorrow." " Just relax." "We'll come over tomorrow, okay?" "Dennis!" "Was I bad?" "No, you werert bad... and you got to stop saying that, all right?" "I don't want you to cut your feet." "And Daddy's..." "I'm in here working." "We got to put this camera away for a little while, okay?" "But I haven't finished my mission." "Well, you have for today." "But I haven't finished my mission!" "Give me my camera back!" "I need it!" "Hey, you got to calm down." "I have to go to work, or you can go to your room." "You're gonna send me away, aren't you?" "Dennis, why would I send you away?" "Because you're mad at me because I broke your stuff." "Dennis, I don't care about any of that stuff." "This is stuff." "There's nothing you can do... that would ever change the way I feel." "Do you understand?" "Not gonna ever send you away." "Look, this is just stuff." "Come on, break it like you mean it." "One more." "Let it go, buddy." "Here's two." "Oh, just one." "Nice one!" "Over the head... over the head, big time." "Like the Greeks." "That feels so good." "No, not that plate!" "I got an idea, but we'll still have fun." "We'll still have fun." "I'm sorry." "I'm just trying to have..." "I'm just trying to have..." "I'm so sorry." "I was just trying to have fun, buddy." "What's that laugh?" "Oh, oh, oh!" "Oh, my, oh!" "I will wail on you!" "This is war!" " This is war!" " Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Uh-Oh." "Uh, just stay here." "Pss pss..." "Hey, Mr. Lefkowitz, uh, come on in." "Uh, what a surprise." "Happy holidays." "Thank you." "You, too." "Uh, we were just, uh, having, uh... just having some fun." "Sort of a, uh..." "It's a breakthrough, you could say." "Nice to see you." "Very, uh, vigilant of you to come during the holidays." "I heard there was a little trouble at school." "Just a little trouble." "Nothing we can't handle." "Right?" "Would you mind very much... if Dennis and I went up to his room?" "Maybe he could show me his room." "We could chat for a bit." "No, I wouldn't mind." "Would you mind?" "Would that be okay, Dennis?" "I think it's okay with Dennis." "Good." "Where's your room, Dennis?" "It's downstairs." "He'll show you." "Thank you." "Following you." "Everything is..." "Everything all right?" "Hey, you knew about this stuff?" "Uh, we're just gonna turn that off real quick." "Yeah, yeah, sure, we're, we're, um..." "Have you seen this?" "Yeah, yeah, I know all about this." "This is a science project that we're working on." "Kind of a whole transformation... and decay kind of a thing." "We take all the stuff from the house... and we put it in the baggies." "We take photos of it, and we put it away... then we come back to it." "Uh, Dennis and I..." "Uh, Dennis mostly..." "He'd study how it's..." "See, we're doir it right now." "Car keys." " Sure." " You know, car keys." " Yours?" " Yeah, they are." "Passport, yours?" "I knew about that, too." "It's amazing how much a passport can decay." "Everything's good." "Everything's fine here." "Everything's great." "We just try to do the things and see... how they have transformed and decayed or not." " lf..." " Sometimes they don't." "we could just talk in private." "Yeah." "Good." "Excuse us one second, Dennis." "Outside." "Please." "I'm just a little bit concerned here, Mr. Gordon." "You seem to suffer from a syndrome... many adopting parents experience." "Shock?" "You're so eager to become the child's friend... you forget to be a parent." "And Dennis needs a parent right now." "He needs a strong role model." "He needs someone to bring him down to earth." "He's been stealing again." "He's been expelled from school." "I think "expelled" is a harsh word." "I think there was a consensus reached... that it wasrt the right place for him." "Yeah, a consensus includes me." "The principal gave me no option." "I..." "I should have called, and I apologize for that." "I'm gonna move your case up for a review." "You'll be notified by mail." "I'll let myself out." "Mr. Lefkowitz, I do know... that there's no one on this planet... that loves Dennis any more than I do." "I know that." "These pictures are mine." "And they're really important to me." "And I need to understand why you took 'em." "Will you tell me?" "Please, I need you to tell me." "Because you love her so much." "Hmm." "Ahem, that's really true... but that doesn't change the way I feel about you, pal." "Not even a little." "You know, Mr. Lefkowitz isn't sure... that it's such a good idea that you stay here... so we gotta make him happy." "So when you're here at home, it's okay to be from Mars." "But when you're out there... with the rest of the earthlings... you know, you gotta go by earth rules." "But what we will never do is we will never, ever... ever, ever, ever, ever give up." "Winston Churchill said that, I think." "There's one other thing." "It's really serious." "Will you please teach me... how to do that disidney-grate thing?" "How you do it?" "You'll get it." "We have to do this." "I can't." "You do it." "I think it should be this shirt with these." "Okay." "It looks hot on you." "He'll look devastating." "He will." "He will." "That's fine." " That's fine." " Right?" "What age do they start making fun of you... if you wear the wrong clothes?" " I don't know." " You know, like, uh... if you're not cool." "What..." "What..." " Fifth grade?" " Fifth grade?" "That's when I started wearing... my rainbow-colored leg warmers every day." "Pretty much solidified my role as the weird girl... who sat in the back of class... drawing Smurfs until ninth grade." "But..." "But what?" "Maybe it's not supposed to be easy." "I mean, maybe the ones who have it easy... they're missing part of the adventure." "Ah." "Don't you think all the truly fascinating people... in the world probably had dysfunctional childhoods?" "You sold me." "I'm gonna send him to school... in the rainbow-colored leg warmers." " Please don't." " I will." "I'm not that fascinating." "Uh, thing about it is..." "I just worry about him all the time." "It's the curse of being a parent." "I think Dennis is happier than he's been in a long time." "Yeah." "I think you are, too." "I should go." "It's late, and I'm tired." "Do you want me to make some coffee... for the ride home or something or... or you could just stay here." "In the guest bedroom." "You don't have a guest bedroom." "That's right." "Best you were on the couch." "I didn't..." "Believe me, that..." "That's not what I meant." "That was the furthest... furthest thing from my mind." "Really." "Oh, really?" "The furthest?" "Well, not the furthest thing from my mind." "There's just things that are a little further away... like smallpox or, you know." "It's really..." "I gotta go." "I gotta go feed the goldfish." "The goldfish?" "I'm taking care of my neighbor's goldfish." "Your neighbor's." " Yes." " I see." "Uh, uh..." "They need to get fed." "Goldfish, huh?" " Good night." " Yeah." "Uh... oh." "You okay?" "Uh, yeah." "Are you okay?" "I don't know." "You are." "You look okay." " So do you." " Okay." "Bye." "You look great." " What?" " You look good." "Oh, you, too." "You look great." "Great." "It's a cloudy day." "I know." "That's why you don't need all that sun block." "I do have a little bit of bad news, though." "We're gonna have to do without the holding-down belt." "But I'll float away." "I don't know much, but I know this." "You will not float away." "Promise?" "Guarantee it." "But you know..." "Come on." "You know, what I was gonna tell you is..." "I don't know if I ever told you this... but when I was a kid, I used to pretend... like I was from another planet." "Why did you do that?" "Well, I was going to a new school... and I was nervous... and I wanted people to like me... and, you know, I was afraid I wouldn't fit in and..." "Did you wear a hat?" "Um, yeah." "Yeah, sometimes I did... 'cause it was Chicago, and it was cold... so sometimes I wore a hat." "You shouldn't have worn a hat." "There it is." "Well, anyway, after a while..." "I learned to be a little bit more like everybody else... and to fit in a little bit." "And you know what?" "It wasrt so bad." "It really wasrt so bad." "Is it good to be like everyone else?" "That's a really good question." "Um, which is usually what adults say... when they don't have the answer." "I think what's important right now to remember... is that you need to learn stuff." "About human beingness." "Exactly right." "Instead of, you know..." "Human Martianness." "Which you already know a lot about, right?" " You're welcome." " Hi, Miss Margie." "Mr. Gordon, hi." "Nice to see you." "Do you remember Dennis?" " Hello, Dennis." " Miss Margie." "Don't worry." "We're all very nice here." "Hey, listen, pal." "If you feel like you're nervous or you can't handle it..." "I'm gonna be right out there... and you can come get me in the car." "What if I don't feel good after you leave?" "Well, you can come get me." "I'll be there all day." " All day?" " Mm-hmm." "All day." "Okay." "Your daddy has to go now, Dennis." "Okay?" "Okay, here you go, pal." "We're a little nervous... 'cause we don't have our weight belt today." "We're havir gravity issues." "Okay, pal." ""And the radios crackled up and down the line..." ""as the fighter lords received the command..." ""and turned to their soldiers instructing..." ""Fall where you stand." "And that is enough of Dracoban for one night." "Good night, sweet prince." "## Shinir like a work of art ##" "## Hangir on a wall of stars ##" "## Are you what I think you are?" "##" "## You're my satellite ##" "## You're riding with me tonight ##" "## Passenger side, lighting the sky ##" "## Always the first star that I find ##" "## You're my satellite ##" "## You're my satellite ##" "## You're my satellite ##" "Nice talk." "David!" "David!" "Yeah!" "I'm coming!" "Dennis, you okay, pal?" "What's wrong?" "What's wrong?" "What's wrong?" "Flomar." "Somewhere?" "Ohh." "What's wrong with him?" "Oh, Somewhere." "What happened?" "Is he okay?" "No, no." "He died." "Died?" "Damn it." "Hey, let's go for a ride." "Let's go for a ride." "Let's get out of here." "We'll go look at the stars." "Come on, pal." "When I was a little boy like you..." "I used to think when you lost somebody... they would go up there in the stars... and you can't see 'em anymore... but you can talk to 'em, and they can hear you." "Is that why you were crying... because you won't see Flomar anymore?" "When you love somebody... it's really hard when you can't see 'em anymore." "Do you talk to Mary?" "In a way I do, yeah, all the time." "That's probably why I come out here." "I can see Mars." "Get out." "Where?" "I can't see it." "Oh, that's a good eye." "What do you think of when you see Mars?" "That my mission is almost over." "I'll be going back soon... and then everything will go back to normal." "Dennis, can I just say one last thing about Mars... which may be strange... coming from a science fiction writer... but, right now, you and me, here... put together entirely from atoms... sitting on this round rock with a core of liquid iron... held down by this force, that so troubles you, called gravity... all the while spinning around the sun... at 67,000 miles an hour... and whizzing through the Milky Way... at 600,000 miles an hour... in a universe that very well may be chasing its own tail... at the speed of light." "And amidst all this frantic activity... fully cognizant of our own imminent demise... which is a very pretty way of saying... we all know we're gonna die... we reach out to one another." "Sometimes for the sake of vanity... sometimes for reasons... you're not old enough to understand yet... but a lot of the time... we just reach out and expect nothing in return." "Isn't that strange?" "Isn't that weird?" "Isn't that weird enough?" "What the heck do you need to be from Mars for?" "So, look, we're just gonna talk to 'em... and we're gonna tell 'em about all of the human stuff... we like to do, and, you know... it'll be over before you know it... and everything will be fine." "Okay, deal?" "'Cause if I'm myself... they won't let me to stay with you." "No." "No, no." "Hey." "Whatever you say, it's gonna be okay." "I love you very, very much." "Ah, you got your ankle weights there." "Be yourself." " Come on." " Hey." " Hi, Sophe." " Hi." "Okay, come with me, huh?" "It's gonna be okay." "Let me go get some coffee here." "It's all all right." "So, Dennis, how you getting along at school?" "Okay." "Is there something you want to tell us about?" "No." "You don't seem very happy today, Dennis." "I'm stellar." "So, um, all this moving from school to school... how... how's... how's that been for you?" "Mm, there's been some rough times... but the important thing... is to, um, you have to face your problems... and you should never ever, ever, ever... ever, ever give up." "Never ever, ever, ever." "Winston Churchill said that..." "I think." "Winston Churchill, he was a very smart man, huh?" "Hey, Dennis, when we've spoken before... you... you said that you were from another planet." "Mars." "Mars, right." "Zepper nicki whawok." "Trans fobo medio." "Sometimes it's okay to pretend... and sometimes it isn't." "So you..." "You were just pretending?" "Uh-huh." "And then I started doing science... and I realized we were spinning around the sun... at 67,000 miles an hour... held in place by gravity." "So what the heck do I need to be from Mars for?" "I think it was because I didn't fit in." "And then I started to learn how to be like everyone else." "Dennis, did, um..." "Did Mr. Gordon coach you on... on what to say here today?" "He only coached me on one thing." "What's that?" "If you hit three out of ten, you're a star." "If you get even a little better than that... a little better than that, you're a superstar." "You get a cup of coffee." "Hot coffee." "Well, how'd it..." "How'd it go?" "I told them about baseball." "You did?" "Then I told them about hot coffee." "You didn't?" "Did you really?" " Mr. Gordon." " Yeah?" "Congratulations." "Thank you." "I love you." "Aah!" " Aah!" " ## Sun is shinir ##" "## In the sky ##" " Aah!" " ## There ain't a cloud ##" "## In sight ##" " Aah!" " ## It's stopped rainir ##" "## Everybody's in a play ##" " Aah!" " ## And don't you know ##" "## It's a beautiful new day ##" " Ooh!" " ## Hey, hey, hey ##" "## Runnir down the avenue ##" "## See how the sun shines brightly in the city ##" "## See how the sun shines brightly in the city ##" "## On the streets where once was pity ##" "## Mr. Blue Sky is living here today ##" "## Hey, hey, hey ##" "## Mr. Blue Sky ##" "## Please tell us why ##" "## You had to hide away for so long ##" "## So long ##" "## Where did we go wrong?" "##" "## Mr. Blue Sky ##" "## Please tell us why ##" "## You had to hide away for so long ##" "## So long ##" "## Where did we go wrong?" "##" "## Hey, you with pretty face ##" "## Welcome to the human race ##" "## A celebration ##" "## Mr. Blue Sky's up there waitir ##" "## And today is the day we've waited for ##" "## Ah, ah, ah ##" "We are highlighting the search..." "We are highlighting the search... for extra solar planets here at the observatory." "And, well, as many of you know, the Draco system... is, uh, the prime focus of the search." "And, well, who better to talk about it... than David Gordon, whose sci-fi best-seller Dracoban... has brought this exciting search into the public eye." "David." "Thank you." "Um, let's see." "Uh, thank you." "I was fascinated with seeing Draconis... because it was a system... that could closely mirror our solar system... and might produce a planet like Earth." "No planet has been... the subject of more romantic speculation than Mars." "At one point, it was commonly believed... that Mars was inabited by an ancient civilization... that had dug an intricate system of irrigation channels... and the annual darkening of the planet... was interpreted as the growing season of plant life." "But the flyby missions of Mariner IV, VI, and Vll... showed that the irrigation system... was nothing but an enormous network of canyons... and the famous darkening due to annual dust storms." "Soil samples taken by the Viking landers... showed a complete absence of organic material... from the planet's surface." "In other words, there is no life on Mars." "No planet has been the subject... of more romantic speculation than Mars." "At one point, it was commonly believed... that Mars was inabited by an ancient civilization... that had dug an intricate system of irrigation channels... and the annual darkening of the planet... was interpreted as the growing season of plant life." "But the flyby missions..." "This is not how I remember it." "...showed that the irrigation system..." " This isn't it." "was nothing but an enormous network of canyons... and the famous darkening due to annual dust storms." "Soil samples taken by..." "I think I'm from a different Mars." "Are you angry with me?" "No, I'm not angry with you, I just thought we agreed... that you werert... gonna be from Mars." "I can't even say that word anymore." "I thought I was pretending so we could stay together." "No." "Come on, pal." "You don't believe I am from Mars..." " do you?" " Oh, come on, Dennis..." "I think that sometimes you think you are, okay?" "Stop!" "No, no." "You stop, Dennis." " I mean, it's..." " The car!" "I'm so sorry, officer." "I was having a conversation with my son... and I didn't..." "I turned the corner." "I'm really sorry." "Driver's license, please." "I usually have it right here." "Um..." "Dennis, did you take my driver's license?" "Freena wobbly meetya." "Dennis, I'm asking you a question." "I need you to answer me." "Did you take my driver's license?" "This is serious, okay?" "Freena wobbly meetya." "Dennis!" "Answer the question!" "Freena wobbly meetya." "Dennis, you took my license!" "No, I didn't!" "Dennis!" "I didn't steal it!" "What did you do with her pictures?" "I didn't steal 'em." "I need them." "Oh, come on, man!" "That's not fair!" "We talked about all this!" "Stop." "Those are mine." "It's not your stuff, Dennis!" "It's my stuff!" "Stop." "Dennis, adults get their feelings hurt... just like little boys." "This is my stuff." "Stop." "No!" "Stop!" "Go ahead." "Go ahead." "Why don't you?" "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." "Trans fobo medio." " Dennis, Dennis." " Trans fobo medio." " Dennis, Dennis, stop." " Trans fobo medio." "You're not a Martian." "You're just a little boy." "And maybe I can't help you." "Maybe I'm not cut out for this." "Stay here and just..." "Just cool out for a minute." "Look, it's just gonna be like, you know..." "I'm gonna show my face for twenty minutes..." " Yeah." " Hey, no." " then get back on the road." " No, take your time." "Take your time." "Do what you gotta do, you know?" "Don't worry about us." "Okay." "It'll be great." "Thanks for watching him." "Oh." "It's..." "You're my brother." "He's my nephew." "Dennis?" "Hey, wow." "That is cool." "Listen, I'm gonna finish cleaning up the kitchen... and call Nicholas and Jonas and check in on them... and I thought then I can come back... and hang out, okay?" "All right, big guy?" "I'll be back." "Congratulations." "Who is this handsome fellow?" "I look like Chairman Mao." "That's right." "You brought your Little Red Book." " Oh, that's hideous." " Louie." "Louis?" "Louie, right here, snappy snap." "Welcome to the big time, Mr. Gordon." "Tina." "So excited." " I was wondering about you." " So lovely to see you." "Ah, you wouldn't be the first." "Everybody, this is David Gordon... and he is brilliant." "And I see he's brought me a little present." "This is the first draft of his new book." "And let me tell you, it did not come cheap." " Ah, David." " Yeah?" "I'd like to introduce you to Leonard." "He's the head of our marketing." "Nice to meet you." "He's absolutely brilliant." " Yeah?" " Welcome to the club." "Tina likes to surround herself with brilliant people." "I can see that." "Well, shall we just give this manuscript... to my assistant for safekeeping?" "Linus." "Tina, actually, could I speak with you... in private for a moment?" "There's just..." "I have something I need to talk to you about." "Uh, listen, this might be a little awkward." "That's my least favorite word." "I'm sure." "Uh, well, could you take a look at this?" "I just want to talk to you 'cause it's a little... different situation here than I imagined." " Martian Child?" " Mm-Hmm." "What's this?" "Is that the alternate, uh... alternate title idea, buddy?" "I thought we agreed on The Revenge of Dracoban." "Yes." "Yes, we did." "Um... but I must say it's more than just a title change." "So this is the, um, quantum alternate universe?" "Shut up." "An idea that..." "I tried to write Dracoban." "I really, really, really did." "Well, what's the problem?" "I adopted a boy." "Adopted this very fantastic, difficult young man... and he is very much alive... and those characters were dead, and I had to do this." " No, we have a contract." " Uh-huh." "We paid you a substantial amount." "I know, I know, I know, I know." "And I'll, um, ahem..." "I'll write the other one, or I'll just pay you back." "It's unacceptable." "I'll refinance my house if that's what it takes." "I don't care." "I don't want the money." "I want a Harry bloody Potter in space." "That's what I paid for." "Leonard created an extremely expensive... marketing campaign around this book... and Dracoban is the cornerstone of that campaign." "I can't do anything without that." "Do you comprehend what I am telling you?" "You get that, don't you, buddy?" "Do you understand that?" "Why can't you just be what we want you to be?" "Mmm..." "I got it." "Beware." "Beware." "Beware." "What time is it?" "I'm so sorry." "I'm gonna write the other thing." "I'm gonna make this up to you, I promise." "You're gonna get a whole series, rivers of blood... but just read that because it's good." "It's really good." "And I have to go, but this was great... and I'm sorry." "Hey, Dennis!" "What do you say, um... to some hot chocolate or... or somethir?" "Does that sound kinda good?" "Or..." "Tang?" "Do you know what Tang is?" "It's..." "It's something that the astronauts drink." "Might like that." "Liz!" "Liz!" "Liz!" " We just..." " What happened?" "We just can't find him." "You can't find him?" "He was fine." "Everything was fine." "He was in his room, and I..." "I went to get him..." " some hot chocolate." " It's okay, it's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Then we just called the police..." " just to make sure." " Where..." "Where's..." "Where's the last place you saw him?" "He's nowhere in the house." "Are you sure?" "You checked everywhere?" "It's so beautiful." "Maybe he is a little Mozart." "What does it mean?" "Means goodbye." "Hey, Harlee, just stay there." "Stay in the car, okay?" "Did you find him?" "No, no, but I know where to go." "Can you drive me?" " Yes." " All right." " I can get the police to move their car." " No." "Don't worry about it." " Okay." " Okay." "All right." "Call me." "Put your seat belts on!" " You go that way, and I'll..." " David." "Talk to him." "Go, go, go, go." "Dennis, stay where you are!" "David's coming to get you... so just don't move, okay?" "Don't..." "Really, just don't walk, sweetie." "You gotta just try to stay still." "Dennis." "Dennis?" "Dennis." "Dennis, stop movir." "Here I come." "Dennis, I'm comir to get you." "Just..." "Just..." "Just stay still." "Please, please." "Dennis, stop movir." "They're here." "Dennis, hold on, pal!" "I'm comir!" "Why are you here?" "You can't come with me." "Okay." "Shh." "Give me your hand." "I'm gonna take you home." "No." "I have to go back now." "My mission is over." "Dennis, stop." "Please stop moving." "They're here." "They came back for me." "It's a helicopter, Dennis." "We've all been lookir for you." "It's not a helicopter." "It's not." "Okay." "Dennis, give me your hand." "I'm gonna take you home." "I am going home." "I don't belong here." "Okay." "Put the suitcase down... and hold onto the edges really tight... and I'll wait with you until they come, okay?" "I'm sorry, David." "What are you sorry about?" "I'm sorry that I have to leave... but I'll tell them about baseball... and Lucky Charms... and Flomar." "Yeah." "You can tell 'em about all the stuff we did... and how much fun we had." "Dennis, look at me." "Tell 'em about all the fun stuff we did... and, you know, how much fun we had." "You can tell 'em how hard you tried... you know, to fit in, to be like all of us." "Human beings can be kinda cruel... huh?" "I promise I'll tell 'em you were nice to me." "Thanks." "You're a great human, Dennis." "That's the funny part... and I just wanted you to feel like you belong to me... 'cause that's what I think... you really want underneath all this." "I think you want to belong to someone." "I wish we could have more time together." "I want to prove to you... that not all parents disappear forever." "Why do they go sometimes?" "I don't know." "That's a..." "I don't know." "That's a mystery." "Sometimes it's their fault, and sometimes it's not." "It's a..." "It's a mystery." "I don't know." "Why?" "Why?" "Why do you think they left me?" "Because..." "Because they were stupid!" "Whoever let you go... those were the stupidest beings in the universe." "I mean, they were so dumb... they couldn't even see what was right in front of 'em." "How could they not see how extraordinary you are... how big your heart is?" "I'm not even that smart, and I can see it." "It's so obvious." "I mean, you're the easiest kid in the world to love." "Well, to me, you are." "You know what I think?" "I think you love me, too." "Like you're just filled with it." "Think it's just waiting to burst out of you." "Dennis, you're my son." "You're my home, forever." "And I will never, ever, ever... ever, ever... ever, ever, ever... leave you." "Okay." "I got you." "I got you." "I got you." "Hey, Dennis, I got my Martian wish." "Oh, my God." "It's okay." ""Sometimes we forget..." ""that children have just arrived on the earth." ""They are a little like aliens coming into being..." ""as bundles of energy and pure potential..." ""here on some kind of exploratory mission..." ""and they're just trying to learn..." ""what it means to be human."" ""For some reason, Dennis and I reached out into the universe..." ""and found each other..." ""we'll never really know how or why..." ""and discovered that I can love an alien..." ""and he can love a creature..." ""and that's weird enough for both of us."" "Two, three." "Hold on!" "Come on, one more, one more, one more." "One, two, three." "Was that good?" " Come on." " Okay, here we go." "Okay, guys."