"A hell of a breakfast, Daph." "I'm stuffed." "Thanks." "Now come on, let's do some exercise s." "And risk a cramp?" "What kind of training did you get?" "FRASIER:" "Good morning." "Hey, Fras." "Morning." "Want some breakfast?" "Oh, uh, no, thanks." "Coffee will be fine." "Hi, Daph, uh, listen," "I could use an objective opinion." "I am running for condo board president." "I want to know what you think of this as a slogan:" ""Frasier Crane:" "the People's Elixir."" "Okay, I'm ready for my exercises now." "Please, Dad, this is serious." "I have a feeling this could be my year." "Don't you say that every year?" "Yes, I do, but this year" "I'm the only one running against the incumbent, which means the people will rally their inchoate yearnings for change behind my banner." "Well, you're full of catchy slogans." "Frasier, don't get your hopes up too high." "I mean, name one person on the condo board you haven't ticked off at least once." "That's just because I have a type-A, hands-on, get-it-done personality." "Seriously, name one." "You know, Frase, you might be the best man for the job, but a friendly smile and a "How do you do?" in the hallway goes a lot further than being "the People's Laxative."" "Elixir." "Well, I suppose you're right." "I haven't really established myself as the neighborly sort." "I thought that my term as fire safety captain might do the trick, but..." "I guess I drilled them once too often." "Maybe you could give him lessons on how to be a normal person." "I beg your pardon?" "Say, I've got an idea." "Dad, why don't you just run?" "Why would I want to do that?" "Well, because then the people would get their regular guy but he would have my political agenda." ", I get it." "Your father's the figurehead like Woodrow Wilson when he had that stroke and his wife secretly acted as president." "Yes, exactly." "But, of course, Dad would be conscious, presumably." "(laughs)" "How did you know about that?" "I'm studying for my citizenship exam." "It's about time I became an American like everyone else." "y." "If you were like everyone else, you wouldn't know any histor" "So, Dad, what do you think?" "." "I don't know..." "sounds like a big pain" "Oh, come on, Dad." "Think of the neighbors." "Think of the building, the good we could do together." "We can actually achieve the dream of luxury apartment living that our founders intended." "." "Plus, I'll do all the work" "I'll tell you something I always thought we needed:" "d." "wider parking spaces so the doors don't get dinge" "All right, you do this for me" "?" "I'll make sure that gets done." "Really" "Absolutely..." "Mr. President." "I like the sound of that." "(both laughing)" "Now, I think I should still run against you." "Why?" "Well, if I drop out just as you announce your candidacy, people might suspect something's up." "It's better that our political legerdemain remain sub rosa, hmm?" "How would a normal person say that, Dad?" "No one needs to know how the hot dogs are made." "This is going to be sweet." "Which brings me to my final opponent..." "Martin Crane." "Now, we're all well aware that he is a decorated war hero and a much-honored police officer, but does he have the building's interests at heart?" "Maybe." "I simply ask that you stack up his 45 years of experience against my term as fire safety captain." "Thank you... and God Bless Elliot Bay Towers." "(light applause)" "And now we'll hear from Martin Crane." "(cheering and applause)" "(chuckling)" "Uh, thanks, I'm Marty Crane." "Uh, I just want to say that it's a privilege to run and, uh, I'll try to do the best I can." "Thank you, and... go Seahawks!" "(applause)" "PAUL:" "Here's where we'd hear from our third candidate current president Jim McIntyre, but, uh... last night he informed me that we was giving up condo board in order to pursue his dream of teaching English as a second language." "Dream?" "Or court-ordered community service?" "So, I guess it's time to vote." "Well, I wish we would have known that guy wasn't going to run." "I wouldn't have had to spend all night working on my speech." "Yes... plus, I would automatically be president now." "Yeah." "Even you couldn't lose a one-man election." "8." "Hmm?" "You're forgetting 199" "Oh, yeah, when you lost to the dead guy." "He wasn't dead, he was in a coma." "How was I supposed to compete with that?" "Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we have winner in a surprisingly close vote of 15 to two." "Our new president is Martin Crane." "Yes!" "I got two votes." "Bye-bye." "Oh... what a great massage." "It's too bad her English wasn't better." "She could have told us some of her secrets." "Yes, but now we know that Urdu is the official language of heaven." "I could go for a snack." "Want some pâât￩?" "No, thanks" "Some cheese?" "No." "Pâât￩?" "Again, no." "How about a salad?" "Or a fruit salad?" "Ooh, I could throw together a little m￩lange." "(doorbell rings)" "I'll get it." "A m￩lange sounds lovely." "Roz, I thought you were going out with that man from your gym." "We didn't even make it to dinner." "Here's your never-fail date purse back." "Oh, I'm sorry." "No, come on in" "Are you sure?" "You look like you're going to bed." "No, we just got a massage." "Come in." "Oh, boy a massage sounds wonderful." "She did the most incredible thing to my neck." "Here, let me show you." "Oh..." "Mm-hmm." "So, how could you tell your date wasn't meant to be?" "He had the same purse." "Wow, that feels so good." "Mm-hmm" "Ooh, hi, Roz." "Hi." "Poor thing had a bad date." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Well, now that Daphne's helping you relax, you want to join us in a little m￩lange?" "What?" "You'll love it." "Niles is amazing." "Wait, what are you saying?" "Unless you have other plans." "Well..." "I guess not, but..." "Great." "Then here you go." "Oh... fruit salad." "Oh, my God." "I thought you said "m￩nage."" "(laughing)" "Well, the fruits do mix a little promiscuously." "ROZ:" "I mean, I was thinking" ""Oh, my God, what are they saying?"" "Rest assured we would have offered you something more than fruit salad to get you in the mood." "You know what?" "She didn't say "no."" "You're right, she didn't." "It was only because it was so weird I didn't know what to say." "Is that why?" "I think someone has a little crush on us." "You wish." "We know what you wish." "Okay, okay, forget it." "Let's talk about something else." "What are you guys going to do this weekend?" "You, if you get your way." "(laughing)" "So, if we had have asked you you would have said "no"?" "Of course I would have." "I see." "And what's wrong with us?" "Do you find us unattractive?" "What if we wore masks?" "Oh, that'd have to be Nixon and Frankenstein." "That's all we've got." "All right, you guys!" "Stop it." "I'm sorry I didn't understand your little code word for fruit salad." "DAPHNE:" "We're sorry." "Here you haven't even had dinner and we're teasing you." "Oh, you haven't?" "I didn't know that." "Let me make you something." "No, it's okay." "I'm not that hungry." "Oh, come on." "Well, all right, I wouldn't say no to a sandwich." "(both laughing)" "Yes, he's doing a hell of a job, isn't he?" "Oh, listen, what did you think of the new plants in the lobby?" "Dad was particularly pleased with how they complemented the filigree in the sconces." "Don't tell people that." "Yes, I suppose the best man did win." "Bye-bye." "Another satisfied constituent." "(doorbell rings) Well, whoop-de-do." "Hello." "Frasier." "Hey, Marty..." "Hey, Paul." "I just came down to congratulate you." "Every president talks about getting new dryers but you finally did something about it." "You see, Dad, they love what you're doing for the building." "Of course, the sting of losing was quite painful, but it's worth it if we can have a laundry room that can take us into the 21st century." "You're being a good sport about this, Frasier." "Well, you know, public- spiritedness is the Crane code." "Right on." "Uh, Paul, could you, uh." "Oh, sure." "Hey, is it okay if I move the recycling bins down to the landing at the bottom of the stairs?" "Knock yourself out." "Great." "Thanks." "Is this going to be a problem?" "What?" "I think we need to reach a little understanding." "Now, if someone asks you a question, you look at me." "If I scratch my nose it means "no."" "You get it?" "They both begin with the same two letters" " N-O." "Now, if I touch my eye... it means "aye," as in "yes."" "Guess what you're being if I touch my ass." "Dad..." "I think I can at least take care of the no-brainer decisions myself." "That is not how this is supposed to work." "Well, I thought how this was supposed to work was that if I agreed to do this you'd do the one thing I asked for." "Yes, wider parking spaces." "But I have five years of ideas here to implement first." "Five years?" "!" "By the time I get my parking space" "I'll be driving a three-wheeled scooter with an oxygen tank on the back." "Look, even if I could fast-track it, there are feasibility studies to be done." "There's a committee review and there's a bidding process." "You can't just hire some guy with a can of paint." "That's what I'd do." "Well, that is why you're not in charge." "Now... here's your agenda for the next meeting." "Make sure that you follow it to the letter." "Yes, master." "Dad, I sense you chafing under the cruel yoke of public service." "Remember, we must subordinate our own wishes for the good of the building." "And that is not one of our hand signals." "Next item, a study to determine the feasibility of putting something on the roof." "Any volunteers?" "I volunteer, and I would like to explore the idea of putting a patio on the roof." "All right." "Well, that about wraps things up." "Uh, query." "Recognized." "Wasn't there something else you wanted to bring up?" "No." "Don't think so." "Are you sure?" "I-I could have sworn I heard the president say something about a new ventilation system." "Oh, we've done enough for tonight." "No, you haven't!" "I'm certain that if you simply consult the agenda which you so painstakingly prepared, you will find that there is one last item." "Oh, yeah." "Here it is" "Wider parking spaces." "MAN:" "Oh, that's good." "Real good." "Great idea." "Classic Marty." "No." "Wider." "Those in favor of better parking?" "Aye." "Aye." "Aye." "Opposed to better parking?" "Nay!" "Motion carries." "Query!" "Not recognized." "Marty, I'm afraid I have to interrupt." "There's a delivery for you." "Bring it in, Mrs. Richman." "Here we go." "Whoa." "A cake." "What's the occasion?" "We wanted to show you our appreciation for all the great things you've done for us." "." "Wow!" "I never thought I'd see myself in frosting" "In the last couple of weeks, you've done more for this building than the last two presidents combined." "Where did you get all these great ideas?" "Oh, I don't know." "They just come to me while I'm trying to watch TV" "Why don't you make yourself useful and cut the cake, Frasier?" "My pleasure, Mr. President." "Hello." "Oh, don't be sore." "I'll get to the ventilation system eventually." "You went back on our agreement." "I'm the one who's suppos to call the shots around here." "Our agreement was that I'd get wider parking spaces but you blew me off." "As far as I'm concerned the agreement is over." "Besides, I think I have a knack for this president thing." "Now, I'd like to keep you on my team, but if it's too rough for you just say the word." "Well, well, well." "The puppet thinks he's a real boy." "I don't think you have the skills for this job." "I have something better-- people skills." "So do I, but these boobs and nincompoops are too stupid to see it!" "Well, if you're so sure you're indispensable maybe you should run for president." "Oh, wait." "You did." "Five times." "They wouldn't love you so much if it weren't for my ideas!" "Right, because you need a PhD to think about repainting the lobby." "Oh, wait." "You don't." "Would you stop doing that?" "You're right." "It's not an effective way to argue." "Oh, wait." "It is." "DAPHNE:" "Don't you just love this part of American history?" "I'm not much of a Civil War buff." "Really?" "It's fascinating-- much more so than the English Civil War." "Impossible." "Didn't you want to be there when Charles I unfurled his standard at Nottingham in 1642?" "Ugh." "You sound like school." "We'll let Frasier settle it." "Which civil war was more interesting?" "Spanish!" "But I don't have time to prove it." "I've got to go confront Evita Peron at the condo board meeting tonight." "Dad?" "Yes." "I thought he was doing a good job." "Well, he was-- until he started to think for himself." "He's so damn popular everybody else just follows along." "It's like the blind leading the blind." "Well..." "But it will not stand!" "As soon as he calls for new business tonight" "I am going to leap to my feet and expose him for the power-mad dictator that he's become." "Mm." "Mmm, mm, mm." "Then I'll take over." "Maybe you should take it easy on your father." "Why?" "!" "Because he's getting out more, having fun with other people in the building." "You can't take that away from him." "You get to be a big shot all the time." "This is Dad's turn in the limelight." "It's good for his self-esteem." "I don't know why I even talk to you people." "Frasier." "Not now!" "Okay!" "Hi." "Can I join you guys?" "Oh." "I think someone is coming on to us." "Someone just can't leave us alone." "Ok" "You guys have been doing this for over two weeks." "Lay off." "I thought laying off was exactly what you didn't want us to do." "That's a good one." "Doesn't even make sense." "Listen," "I don't want to have a threesome with you." "I never wanted to have a threesome with you, and I will not have a threesome with you!" "So quit bringing it up!" "I think we went a little too far." "Not as far as she wanted to go." "(both giggling)" "Excuse me." "Yes." "I'm sorry, I couldn't help overhearing and as a fellow nontraditional sex enthusiast-- our day will come." "Here's my card." "Thank you." "Oh, and by the way, a bunch of us get together over at the SeaTac Hyatt second Saturday of every month, and if you want to just tape your wife with another dude, that's cool" "Thank you, Mrs. Richman." "And for anyone who needs reminding these meetings start at 8:00, not 8:07." "Noted." "Well, shall we open the floor up to new business?" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "It's time you people understood the real kind of..." "Hold it, Crane." "I got real business here." "Can you tell us when we're going to be able to get our cars back into the parking garage?" "Oh, yeah." "The lines should get their second coat tomorrow, and if it doesn't rain it should be dry by the end of the week." "Uh-huh, and in the meantime we have to park out on the street." "Well, I know it's a little inconvenient." "Inconvenient?" "!" "I got a ticket!" "Yeah." "My wife got towed." "But after it's done, we'll have wider parking spaces." "If you make them wider aren't we going to lose some spaces?" "Where are those people supposed to go?" "Um, well, uh, maybe we could take turns." "Take turns?" "!" "Take turns?" "!" "Does everybody here need their car?" "Of course we need a car." "Have you got a copy of the feasibility report?" "Yeah, feasibility report." "Uh, yes, the, uh..." "feasibility report." "You only have one piece of paper there." "How long will it take before we get them painted back the right way?" "And who's going to pay" "I had to lug my groceries three blocks!" "Look, I'm sorry..." "What?" "Did you just hire a guy with a can of paint?" "No." "People, people!" "If you just let him talk, he could explain." "My father is currently in negotiations with a salvage company to remove the old boiler room, which would give us the extra spaces we need." "Where are we going to park in the meantime?" "My father has already discussed with the building next door sharing their parking spaces." "Isn't that right, Dad?" "Uh..." "Yeah." "Right." "We should have had more faith in you." "You've had a lot of good ideas so far." "Well, actually, I've got something to tell you about those good ideas." "Dad." "All that good stuff... all the stuff you were crazy about... it all came from Frasier." "From the very beginning, he's been the one running things, and I think we should give him a little credit." "Well, thank you, Dad, that's very kind of you." "In fact, uh... having me run was Frasier's idea." "He figured that he figured that you'd go for his policies if they came from somebody else." "So this whole thing was a scam." "Well, I wouldn't call it a scam." "It was just a fake-out" "Frasier, how could you do your father like this?" "He's always wanted to be president, but I never thought he would stoop this low" "All right, that's enough!" "My son is the best thing that ever happened to this condo board, but you guys are too petty to see it." "Well, you people don't deserve him and if you don't want him, you don't get me either." "I resign." "Come on, Fras." "Right behind you, Dad." "Now what do we do?" "Well, technically, when the president resigns the runner -up takes power." "That's right, isn't it?" "Well." "It's not the way I would hav liked it, but bylaws are bylaws." "So, as your president" "I would like to quote a man who understands the language of the people." "♪♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪ ♪" "♪♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪♪" "♪♪ Quite stylish ♪♪" "♪♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪♪" "♪♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪♪" "(laughs)" "♪♪ But I don'''t know what to do ♪♪" "♪♪ With those tossed salad s and scrambled eggs ♪♪" "♪♪ They'''re calling again . ♪♪" "Thank you!"