"Based on true events" " Well done, Casper." " Let me have a go." " Happy with the flat?" " Yes, two floors." "I love it." "One floor is Mia's, the other is mine." " Splash, Frank!" "The champ." " I'm off." " Where to?" " Some sort of lunch at the Gimp's." " No change in Bodil?" " No, she's a wreck." " What's wrong with Bodil?" " She's suffered brain damage." " Up here?" " In the brain, yes." "Surprise." " How did it happen?" " She choked on a giant olive." " This big." "Stuck in her throat." " She's a vegetable." "The Gimp has to feed her three times a day." "He has to wipe her." "She shits like crazy." "Well, she does." "Diapers don't come in "size Bodil"." "She needs a double diaper." " I'm off." " Give her my best." "You don't get it, Claire." "Bodil is..!" "You can't get through." "She ate a fruit and turned into a vegetable." " An olive isn't a fruit." "It's a nut." " No, an olive is a fruit." " Anything above ground is a fruit." " Chestnuts aren't fruit." " Yes." " No, they're nuts." " Nuts are fruit." " No, they aren't." "Yes, they are." "Glad we got that straightened out." " There's more if you..." " Thank you." "Oh no, Bodil..." " The meat balls are good." " It's Bodil's recipe." "But I bought the peas." " I'm going to put Bodil in a home." " What a good idea." " This Friday, already." " I think that's a wise decision." " You can't cope with this." " No, it's pointless." " You can help move her there." " Of course." "One wiener, one frankfurter and one with bacon." " Why didn't you eat any lunch?" " Bodil turns me off food." "The mentally handicapped turn me off food." "One or two rolls?" "Lots of people feel that way." "When I have handicapped customers, they scare all the others away." " They need to eat too." " But does it have to be when we eat?" " She'll be fine there." " The Gimp needs to get rid of her." "He can't bring girls home with her sitting there." "He had sex with her the other day and she just lay there." "He didn't know if she enjoyed it." "Technically, he could be raping her." "Scary thought." "It sure makes you appreciate what you've got, honey." " Appreciate your own good sex life." " We've got no complaints." "Good God, no." "I think if we take all of Copenhagen   we're in the top five percent." "Honestly, honey, is there anything I could do better?" "Well, maybe just in the oral department." " Do I give you bad oral sex?" " I didn't say that." "Sometimes it's just a bit monotonous." "Just a tiny bit dull." "Hi, Claire." "Frank, come here." "Have a look." " Frank!" " Marvelous." " Look at this." "It's a Torben Din." " Very nice." " 25,000 kroner." "It's a steal." " It is?" " Yes, it's worth at least 30-40,000." " I have to go help out the Gimp." " He's putting Bodil in a home." " Well, good for him." "You just can't eat a thing around a mentally handicapped person." " He's skin and bone." " Why can't he eat?" " You can't eat around those people." " Why not?" "It turns you off food when fellow human beings are barmy." "I've never heard that before." " You haven't?" " No." " Mia said I was speaking for myself." " I've never heard anyone think that." "I shagged a handicapped girl once." "I shagged a retard." " But you can't." "A real retard?" " A retarded woman in her thirties." "I didn't notice she was retarded so we went back to her parents' place." "I overlooked certain telltale signs." ""It's okay with my mum and dad." The Bambi poster in her room." "Anyway, don't tell anyone." "People have a hard time with it." "And sex!" "Imagine the uproar." "I didn't know, and the sex was fine." " The sex was fine?" "Very interesting." " Her boobs weren't retarded, okay?" "I prefer a retard with good boobs over a bright girl with stupid boobs." "That's where you eat and sing and read and so on." " Nice, isn't?" " Indeed." "WELCOME BODIL" "The room needs to be furnished, but..." "Look." "Your idea?" "Super." "What a nice... square room." "I'd like a moment alone with Bodil." " Hello." " Hello." " Do you like it?" " Yes." " I painted it." " Isn't that nice?" " I painted it with my mouth." " You painted that with your mouth?" " Yes." " How very impressive." " Would you like to buy it?" " Do you want to sell it to me?" " Yes." " How much?" "1,000 kroner." "That's the best 1,000 kroner I've ever spent." "My colleague is a quite the art expert." "He'll be very impressed." " Hi, Frank." " Well?" " It's mouth painted." " But why?" "I bought it from a crippled lady who paints with her mouth." "Impressive." " But still, it's a shitty painting." " I think it's very... mouthy." " But impressive, eh?" " "Mouthy", you said it!" " I'm happy." " But you can't hang it anywhere." "The office." "You've got that..." "It's not really office material." "We have people coming by and..." "I'm at a stage in my life where I'm fascinated by the orally competent." " Why?" " Mia says my technique is dull." " She says you give bad head?" " That's another way to put it." "I'm like a fiery Arab, and you're more the dray horse." "You toss your long tongue into her beaver." "That's you, Frank." "I'm a wild horse." "That's what makes us such a great team." " It's so unfair." " What?" " It's boring, but I give it my all." " The idea is for her to get off." " Why don't you lick the alphabet?" " Why?" "So she thinks I'm clever?" "Haven't you ever licked the alphabet?" "First you lick an A, then a B, C..." "The variation really turns them on." "Everybody does it." " You never have?" " Never." " Nicolaj Kopernikus taught me." " Does he even know the alphabet?" "He told me he'd gotten complaints, so he'd adopted that technique." " Thanks." " Cheers." " Are we going to the office?" " Yes, but..." "One, two..." "I can't drive." "Will you give me a lift?" "We have to stop by the home and pick up the Gimp." " You have to meet the mouth painter." " Right." "But you're using your hand." "Listen..." "The picture you sold me, you painted with your mouth, right?" "No." " I don't want it then." " You bought it fair and square." "But you said it was mouth painted, when really it was hand painted..." " Calm down." " Please get him out." " I want my money back." " No, let's go." "Oh yes!" "I'll just take your blanket then." " Frank, everyone's napping." " Off we go." " What's this?" " The mouth painter's blanket." " It's a bedspread, Frank." " Why are you taking her blanket?" " Anything this thick is a blanket." " It's too coarse to be a blanket." " There's a bedspread and a blanket." " Give me back my blanket." " I need something to bargain with." " Look, I'll give you 1,000 for this." " Come on, she's a pensioner..." " It's a matter of principle." "What an old con artist." "The nerve!" "We're helping a brain dead woman, all focused on that,   and old Granny Grab-All is just waiting for some sucker." " She's just an old woman." " I'm going to call my lawyer." " Isn't that a bit extreme?" " Not the slightest." "Fraud is a legal matter." "Always has been." "Good night." "What about the mouth thing we'd talked about?" " Mouth thing?" " I want to show off my new skills." " Not right now." " Go to sleep and I'll go to work." " Can't we just..." " Okay, I'll back off." "Sleep tight." " I'm not ready for the tournament." " You sure aren't." " Did you give Mia head then?" " You're disrupting my swing!" "It just occurred to me." "Try it out." "If it works, I've got another trick." " Just a little one." " Could you open the door a little?" "Well put!" "It's all about opening the door and ringing the bell." " Isn't that Mia's brother?" " Mads?" "Yes." " Hi, Mads." " Hi." " Nice guy." " Yes, and one hell of a lawyer." " Hi." "How was your swing?" " Fine." "I just bought a painting marketed as being mouth painted." "Later I find out it's not." "I've been conned." " What are my options?" " Just drop it, right?" " I'd say so too." " Aren't there any legal measures?" " I'll look into it." " I'll treat you to dinner." "Oysters?" " Oysters are just fine." "Call me." " This weekend." "Mia's got a bag." " Mia hasn't got a bag of oysters." " I didn't buy them." " You get them in a basket." " You don't catch them in a basket." "No, but you sell oysters in a basket and clams in a net." "You're confusing them with shrimp." "Way to go!" " Good morning." " My, fresh rolls and everything." " Thanks for a great night." " Well, thank you." "You were great." "It was mind-blowing, Frank." " Yes, I performed my magic." " I've never felt anything like it." "When you told me flat out, I was hurt, I have to admit." " But Casper knew this little trick." " You talked to Casper about it?" "Yes." "Don't fret." "I just lick the alphabet." "A, B, C..." "Nothing wrong with that, is there?" "No, but..." "I thought you were thinking about me." "I thought about a letter, then you, and then a new letter." "Don't discuss such matters with him." "I didn't say I was going to lick you." "Just licking in general." "Of course I was going to lick you, but your name wasn't mentioned." " All right." " Let's go home." "Well done." " Hi, Mads." " Peter, isn't it?" " Good game?" " Fine." "Frank, I looked into that matter." "Judging by what you told me,   the woman sold you that picture with intent to defraud." "The law clearly states that any transaction is invalid   if the seller had fraudulent intentions." "She knew you thought the picture was mouth and not hand-painted." "When you reveal the fraud, the sale is invalid." " You can demand your money back." " I'm going to the car." "Bye." "Anyway..." "If you want to, you can sue her." " Just say the word." "I'm off." " Okay, Mads." " See you." " Bye, Mads." " Why didn't he put on his trunks?" " What's he up to?" " What a nasty habit." " You had his pecker in your face." "Swinging from side to side." "It almost hypnotised me." " I always put on my trunks first." " You owe it to your fellow man." "Trunks, T-shirt, tie, socks..." " I'm buying." " Very well." " It's good to see you happy again." " I love being back at work." "It's done you a world of good." "Nursing Bodil was a full-time job." " It runs you down." " They take good care of her." "Gather all the retards in one place so we don't have to look at them." "It's better to put them in a home, so we don't have to look at them." " It's gross to watch cretins eat." " Why do you say that?" "Frank and I discussed it the other day." "What have we got here?" " Delicious." " Congratulations on your new home." " Is the bathroom finished?" " More or less." "Want to see it?" "Yes, please." "Casper keeps raving about it." " Very nice, Frank." " Giant oysters are the best." " Some of them were humongous." " Big oysters." "" 15,000 kroner for legal assistance." Okay." " For what?" " That matter with the mouth painter." " Fine." "You want the money up front?" " No." "We talked about it the locker room." "I thoroughly explained your options according to the law." "I'm afraid you're going to have to tell me again." "I didn't hear it." " Weren't you listening?" " I didn't hear a word." "Bloody hell, Frank." "Casper, you were there." "I remember you standing there..." "I couldn't quite concentrate because you weren't wearing any trousers." " So..." " You're making me feel ill at ease." "There I was explaining things and you just stared at my crotch." " You were very close to me." " We're all guys in the locker room." "Mads told me how to deal with the mouth painter, in the locker room." "I had his pecker in my face so I didn't hear a word." "Oh, come on." "I quietly told you what to do..." "Save it for the locker room, please." "I'm going to take this and leave." "Nice to see you." " Give me the bill, Mads." " No, I can't deal with this." " You have a strange way of dressing." " See you, Sis." "I'll see myself out." "Locker rooms abound in peckers." " He positioned himself oddly." " You're such a prude." "Christ, it's not really that bad." " I rather like it." " It's sweet." "But it's not art." "It's crap." "Artistically, it's a piece of crap." " It is bad." " But not for an old lady." "Still, do we want to buy it or burn it?" "You're such a snob, Casper." "Because a handicapped person painted it, you think it's crap." " I think it's crap because it is." " Only because a handicapped..." "I've got nothing against handicapped people." "I like them." " Sometimes your view of people..." " I've got nothing against retards." "Not the slightest." "Casper even shagged a retard." "You've been with a retard?" "Casper, have you?" " Yes, but it was before your time." " I don't care when it was." "Jesus Christ, you always think with your prick!" "At least I don't give monotonous head." " Only because you lick the alphabet." " He what?" "He licks the alphabet to fight the monotony." "A, B, C..." "Bon appetit, Frank." " What is going on?" " It's these two studs' latest thing." " You lick the alphabet?" "It's..." " It's a bit gross." " How unromantic." "You do that?" " Casper taught Frank to do it." " I could've thought of it myself." " Look, buster!" "Don't discuss our sex life with him!" "I didn't." "Then how does he know what you do?" " I don't know..." " I won't have it!" " Let me finish..." " No!" "You fuck retards and lick the alphabet, you jerk!" " Please don't move your leg, Casper." " I thought you were handicapped." " I'm sorry about the retard." " That was a lousy thing to do." " Golf tomorrow?" " You bet." "It's nice and peaceful." "All you hear is an..." " What do you call that bird?" " An elderly man blowing his hands." "Fore!" "It landed near hole 6." " Did I hit that family?" " They shouldn't bring the pram here." "Go, go, go!" "We're in for it." "Take it easy."