"('HEAVY SOUL' BY THE BLACK KEYS PLAYS)" "♪ Hear her calling" "♪ Come to me" "♪ Thoughts of her" "♪ Call my name" "♪ Hey now, darling" "♪ Heavy soul darling" "I Heavy soul" "♪ Just my colour" "♪ Just my kind" "♪ Got a heavy soul" "♪ Next to mine" "♪ Heart's on fire" "♪ Get no sleep" "♪ Drive all night... ♪" "(MUSIC DIES)" "(CROWD BOOS)" "Two minutes!" "Two minutes, everyone!" "No, I'm pretty sure it's like an online, direct debit kind of thing." "Or wait..." "Hang on." "Is that the gas?" "You have lived here your entire life." "I think it's just the gas." "Uh, disconnection notice." ""This is your third and final notice." ""Due to outstanding amounts totalling..." Jonah!" "Hey, maybe I could sing?" "(CHUCKLES)" "No, I'm serious." "Gussie, hey, it's cool." "Everyone's here." "They're having a good time." "Everyone's happy." "Hey, Cantzi!" "You happy?" "Nah, I've cut myself and I can't tell where." "He's happy, see?" "No, Jonah, I can't see, because it's dark." "OK, come here, guys." "We're just three friends, huddled together." "Someone needs to make the announcement the party's over." "OK." "Um, Silvio." "BOTH:" "He hates us." "He loves me." "Whatever you do, Jonah, just don't hug him." "It's just really inappropriate." "Oh!" "Grab a drink, everyone!" "There's plenty in the kegs!" "Take some chill time." "MAN:" "Forget to pay the bill, mate?" "We're on!" "We're on!" "We're on!" "Is that my computer power board?" "Have you been in my room?" "Hi." "Sir, thank you so much." "I really hope Jonah conveyed how much we appreciate this." "500." "Sorry?" "Jonah said 500 cash and a bottle of vodka." "(ON LOUDHAILER) Hey!" "(CHUCKLES) Can you hear me?" "(LAUGHS)" "OK, so..." "Hey, Gus!" "$500?" "Yeah!" "No." "We got that!" "No." "Mate, there's like a million people out there." "There's, like, 150." "Half of them haven't paid yet." "Everyone!" "Need a favour!" "We gotta get the juice back on." "So if you've got any money, just hold it up." "We need cash." "MAN:" "You still owe me 20 bucks, fuckwit!" "We're gonna get this party started." "Gonna get it started, Gussie." "Gussie!" "(JABBERS)" "Gussie!" "(ALL CHEER)" "Whoo!" "Alright, on behalf of Stevie, Gus, and myself, big massive thanks to Silvio, our neighbour." "ALL:" "Silvio!" "Alright, let's take it through till lunchtime!" "And then let's do it again next week!" "(CROWD CHEERS)" "(MUSIC RESUMES) Yes!" "Yes!" "That's right, right here, here again, this time, this place, NEXT FRIDAY!" "What?" "!" "SONG: ♪ In the deserts of Sudan" "♪ And the gardens of Japan" "♪ From Milan" "♪ To Yucatan" "I Every woman" "I And every man" "I Hit me with your rhythm stick" "I Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me" "♪ Je t'adore, ich liebe dich" "I Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me" "I Hit me, hit me" "♪ Hit me!" "♪" "Come on!" "Come on." "Oh, sorry!" "(GIGGLES)" "Let's put some music on." "Let's... come here." "Hey." "Mmm." "(BOTH MOAN)" "(MOAN$)" "(PANTS)" "Uh..." "You alright?" "You've got something here." "It's kinda hard. (LAUGHS)" "Like a..." "like a lump sort of thing." "Feels a bit like a frozen pea." "But not as cold." "A lump?" "MAN:" "Just a little pressure now." "MAN 2:" "Just the left aspect there." "I'm afraid it's a bit of bad news today, Jonah." "You have testicular cancer." "I know it sounds a bit nasty." "Testicular cancer is, in a manner of thinking, the best kind of cancer to get." "The treatment is incredibly effective." "I'd have every expectation that you would make a complete recovery." "Do you understand?" "It's a relatively simple procedure to remove the testicle." "Remove the testicle?" "Aye." "Permanently?" "Aye." "We have to permanently remove the left testicle." "I was hoping to book the theatre for Wednesday week." "Then you'll undergo further treatment to ensure there's absolutely no spread..." "Um, will it..." "Will I lose my hair?" "Not in this case, no." "The side effects are relatively mild." "Will I still be able to have sex?" "Aye." "It might take a couple of weeks, but you will regain full sexual function." "With one exception." "The treatment will, unfortunately, render you infertile." "As in..." "As in unable to father children in the natural way." "Thankfully, modern science offers us a fantastic alternative." "Please take care to contain the first spurt of the ejaculate." "And..." "Oh, please don't use any of the hand soap until afterwards." "Some men try it for lubrication." "Any questions?" "We lost the deposit on the speakers." "(LAUGHS) I tried to tell them that they just went fuzzy after a while." "But then he tipped them on their side and lukewarm beer spilled out." "Why haven't you taken back the lights?" "What?" "Jonah's got cancer." "Gus." "It's nothing." "Cancer?" "No!" "I mean... not bad cancer." "It's... it's gonna be fine." "What kind of cancer'?" "Testicular." "Oh, fucking hell, Gus." "It's actually..." "It's easy to fix." "They just gotta take out the ball." "One day in hospital." "And then there's this other treatment." "Chemo?" "But it's not like where you go green and get sick and stuff." "The doc said people go right back to work, so I'll still be able to do things." "What do they do with the ball?" "Do you get to see it afterwards?" "I dunno, Gus." "OK." "Um, have you spoken to your sister?" "Fuck." "No." "Uh..." "I will." "Guess I should..." "I should probably tell Ava too, huh?" "Oh, are you guys speaking again?" "Yeah." "I mean..." "Well, we did say six months of..." "No contact." "Yeah." "But... she would wanna know this." "Well, we better cancel next Friday." "Do you wanna send out a group email or..." "What?" "No." "We're not gonna cancel, it's a couple of days away." "I don't wanna have to explain." "We can't stop now." "We've got some real momentum." "You know, we don't want to lose it." "We'd draw attention if we cancelled." "Right." "(PHONE RINGING TONE) Hi, this is Ava." "I'm not around, so please leave a mess... message after the beep." "Thank you. (LAUGHS) (BEEP!" ")" "8:00 till 11:00 is DJ Sanz." "Also I promised Azzi his cousin could do some drumming." "If he's shit, I can totally take him off, though." "OK, well, apart from anything else," "I don't think this house is physically gonna handle another party." "House is fine." "Yeah, it's Jonah's house anyway." "Ah..." "OK, this is stuck." "Well, maybe try pulling it." "I am pulling it." "(PHONE RINGS) Hello?" "WOMAN:" "Hi, it's Natalie Gibbs here from andrology." "Sorry?" "The sperm bank." "It was, in many respects, quite a strong sample." "Your sperm count was optimal, which was impressive, given the testicle situation." "Sperm velocity, also strong... (PHONE RINGS)" "Sorry." "Hello?" "Yep, I'm at the... bottle shop." "Mm-hm." "Yeah, I'm looking at it." "Yes, I'm writing it down." "OK." "OK!" "OK, the problem we encountered was with the freezing process." "The freezing?" "We conduct a thaw test on every sample, just to see if the sperm has coped with the freeze procedure." "We do this because in some cases, the sperm reacts badly with the cryo-preservatives and... well, it doesn't survive." "So, what?" "Mine..." "Well, your sample fell into that category." "It died?" "It happens, with a small percentage of men." "What, just some of it?" "Or...?" "Uh... can I take a second shot?" "Regretfully, on the basis of these results, it would appear that sperm cryopreservation will not be an effective option for you." "What other options are there?" "Do you have a girlfriend?" "('JUST GOT TO BE' BY THE BLACK KEYS)" "Hey!" "Are you alright?" "Yep." "If you're not feeling up to this, it's totally fine." "I can take you to your sister's." "No, it's cool." "Well, tell Gus it's his turn to come out the front." "Everyone got a stamp?" "There you go." "In you go, in you go!" "Make yourself at home." "SONG:" "I Left fear encounter" "♪ I've got to go because" "♪ Something's opened my... ♪" "('I'M BROKE' BY BLACK JOE LEWIS AND THE HONEYBEARS PLAYS)" "Mir-an-da!" "Do you want a baby with me?" "What?" "!" "Do you want a baby with me?" "Mir-an-da!" "Hey, I won't stay." "I'll just come in and say a quick hi to your sister and then give you guys some time." "You know Ava?" "Is she still with Greggie Chambers?" "Um, why?" "Did you bring all your referrals and things like that?" "You should have information and referrals and..." "Yeah, somewhere." "Hey." "What you watching?" "'dirtgirlworld'." "Mum, Jonah's sitting on me!" "Do you want something to eat or..." "What?" "I've only got a bit of it here but Mum's oncologist should have the rest on file." "Did your guy ask for that?" "Any of Mum's old records?" "Jonah?" "I just gotta make a phone call." "Hey." "Hey." "Thanks for, um, meeting me." "Yeah." "And sorry I haven't been in contact much recently." "It's been so busy..." "Jonah, we said six months, no contact." "Where are we at with that?" "Well, I don't know exactly." "Because I think we could be done." "I think we've..." "No." "It's four months." "It's been four months." "How's Greggie?" "He's good." "So I hear." "How's Becky?" "Uh, that's nothing." "It's just a party thing." "Couple of parties." "It's not going anywhere." "Oh, OK." "Um, why did you want to see me?" "Thanks." "No worries." "I miss you." "Remember that time when we thought you were, like... pregnant?" "The first time or the second time?" "Either." "Either." "Yes." "Well, I've been thinking about that." "The idea of us, you and me, having a kid." "Where does that sit for you now?" "OK." "What's going on?" "Ava, lately..." "Things in my life have just been clicking into place, and it's making me think maybe kids, family and all that." "Maybe that's my thing." "Your thing?" "Yeah, that I'm supposed to be doing in life." "Now." "With you." "(LAUGHS) Oh, come on!" "OK, Jonah, why don't you tell me why we're really here?" "What?" "This." "For this." "Yeah." "What are you thinking?" "Calling me up after four months..." "OK." "Ava, the thing is..." "The thing is, Jonah, that you are entirely incapable of considering other people's feelings." "Ever since your mother died, people have cut you so much slack, and now you just crash through life without even thinking about anything but what you want in the moment." "I mean, as if I would want to have a baby with someone like that!" "SONG: ♪ Two lost cousins" "I And one new watch" ".1' A chauffeur-driven dream" "♪ Told us where to drop" "♪ All of our feelings" "♪ They're in the Porsche" "♪ So no-one could avoid" "♪ So no-one could avoid" "I Hold on" "♪ To where you're from" "♪ It's where your heart goes" "♪ When you're done" "♪ So let's say" "♪ I 'Il come another day" "♪ And maybe you'll understand" "♪ I look into your eyes" "♪ And you don't know who I am... ♪" "I just need more time." "Jonah, you've been very lucky so far, but with any cancer there's risk of a spread." "It's a small risk..." "How small?" "Apart from anything else, I don't have another available time until the 10th." "That's over three weeks away." "The 10th is good." "When you're dealing with cancer, Jonah, three weeks is a very long time." "I'll take the 10th." "Hey... we cracked a record on Friday." "Two grand, pure profit, after expenses." "So that's, you know, $737 each." "It's a weekly wage." "A fucking good one!" "Oh." "Cool." "I owe you two bucks, but... it's... cool." "It's fucked, isn't it?" "You know, if you want to talk about it, it's just... hit me." "What's the calendar for?" "That's, uh, humiliatingly basic." "Yeah, are you just looking for excuses to get me over here?" "(PHONE RINGS) Sprung." "You got me." "I rig all the computers to malfunction once a week just to get you over here." "Sorry." "Yeah, no." "Go." "Go." "Gus, I'm at work." "GUS:" "You need to call Jonah." "You need to talk to Jonah right now." "He's pushed back his treatment." "And now he's going to see Stalker Becky." "He's gonna try and have a kid with Stalker Becky!" "He's spinning out." "He's already called Ava and..." "I'll put him on." "I'll put him on." "Oh!" "Mate?" "Come on." "Unlock your door!" "Jonah, unlock the door." "Jonah!" "Hey, in the world according to Gus, you're off to conceive a child with Stalker Becky." "Is that actually what's happening here?" "Do you reckon you're feeling so intense about this because it's being taken away from you?" "Yeah." "That's exactly how it feels." "Aren't you worried that the feeling might fade away in time?" "Because it'd be pretty bad if it did and you were stuck with a kid you'd had with Stalker Becky." "She's not a stalker!" "She's my girlfriend." "Could be my girlfriend." "Becky from the past few parties?" "And that whole time last year." "There was a whole time, Stevie, we were sleeping together." "I thought that was Gus." "Well, she slept with Gus more back then but she liked me better." "I think." "Actually, I know, 'cause she told me." "Told me I was better." "OK." "Jonah, I don't think you should get on this train." "You know, there are other ways." "There's adoption or donor sperm... (GROANS) What?" "Come on!" "You just don't get it, 'cause you hate kids." "I don't hate kids." "Yeah, you do." "You call babies 'aliens'." "I just don't personally want an alien for myself." "You know what, Stevie, I don't expect you to get this." "And I don't care what you think." "Oh, well..." "OK, fine." "And I hope for your sake the baby only has one head, because the amount of drugs that girl's taken, you never know!" "Hey. stranger!" "Hey, could we just talk?" "We have to be quiet." "My flatmate's next door." "Becky, I was thinking..." "I have to be at work in 45 minutes so..." "You remember that lump you found?" "My uncle had the same thing." "In his prostate." "That's not the same thing." "That's prostate." "You would've made such a beautiful father." "Really?" "You just have this playfulness about you." "Your aura." "Becky..." "Mmm?" "I've got three weeks of fertility left and, I know it's a long shot, but is there any chance, at all, that you would ever consider trying for a kid with me?" "Really?" "Jonah?" "Really?" "Yeah." "Jonah!" "Oh, my God!" "(GIGGLES)" "Um, Jonah, can I just, um..." "Do you..." "I guess I just sometimes feel that things are a little bit uneven between us, the way we feel." "Oh, yeah." "That's 'cause I've been fucked up!" "No, it's..." "Yeah." "Yeah, Becky." "Becky, I've been a total fuckstick." "'Cause you see me, you know?" "You really see me." "I guess..." "And..." "I like having sex with you and everything." "I just never saw us as, like, a couple." "It's OK." "We can still do this." "(MUMBLES) Sorry, brother, not now." "We were only together for, what was it, three weeks?" "Feels like more than that." "Like, in intensity." "We were meant to go to my sister's house-warming, and you just didn't show." "Well, it wouldn't be like that with a kid." "Obviously, I'd get a diary." "Jonah, Jonah, it's nothing to do with you, really." "I mean, even if you were really reliable and stable and had lots of money and a good career, were really smart." "It's just that the timing's wrong." "What about Ava?" "You were so in love with Ava." "Yeah." "Nah." "What about Becky Kincaid?" "Can I just confirm you're a definite no?" "OK, I have emailed you the party contact list." "I reckon, you call A to K, warn them." "I will call L to Z." "Gus, no girl in their right mind is..." "No." "I don't think you know what he is capable of." "No-one is seriously gonna consider this." "I don't think you know women at all. lam a woman!" "Hey, Jonah." "What's going on?" "Start calling." "(DOOR SHUTS)" "Oh, the change I've already made in this last week has been like, massive." "So if I continue on this rate of change, for the next nine months when the baby would be born, I'm gonna be a completely different person." "I don't even know who that person would be." "But I feel very strongly that he would be a fucking good dad." "You can leave the tray, thanks, Mum." "Thanks, Mrs. B." "I just wanna kick off by saying there are lots of sides to me." "And I know the party side gets a lot of play, because I have them." "Jonah, I know why you're here." "We know." "We all know." "And we just wanna say... we're here for you." "How do you know?" "Yeah, it is a little sad, but, you know, we' re looking on the up and up." "Mm-hm." "He might not even mention babies at all." "He might just initiate sex." "And if you do end up having sex with him..." "Look, I know, I know." "But just if you do... (DOOR CLOSES) I wouldn't trust any of his contraception." "I don't know." "Pin-pricks." "Anything." "OK, thank you for that." "Who did you call?" "I honestly believe if the situation was reversed, you would do the same for me, mate - you would intervene!" "We've got serious traction with these parties, Jonah." "We can kick on with this - being paid to party, living hardcore for the rest of our lives like the Rolling Stones or something!" "The Rolling Stones have all got kids, Gus." "Bullshit!" "They have." "They've got like seven kids." "Each." "Check Wikipedia." "I'm sure they don't see them, but." "Gus, I know you think you're helping." "But for the next couple of weeks, stay out of my way, man." "If this changes your professional life, I expect a thank you in a major way." "OK, just a light beer." "Just a light one?" "OK." "Not entirely sure which one's the light and which one's the full strength, but..." "Ah, so, got a bit of a rundown on you." "A rundown?" "Mmm." "Drinks vodka." "Lives in a share house." "Is very reluctant to lend out her DVD box sets." "(LAUGHS)" "Um, and you had a pretty epic break-up." "Ah, yeah." "Gosh, that was years ago." "Right, so... well epic." "Oh, there was a joint web business, and a mortgage." " Hey." " Hey." "Ah, I checked the internet last night, all over the internet." "And I can't adopt." "Jonah, this is..." "I looked at adoption support sites, government sites." "And you can only adopt if you've got a clean medical history." "I got cancer on my history, so I'll never get to adopt." "So, anyway" "Do you need to... go?" "No." "No, no, no, no." "It's fine." "Uh, he's just sitting out there on the pavement." "It's girls in their 20s, Jonah." "That's where you're going wrong." "They don't want kids." "Not these days." "If you're actually serious about this, you should be going for an arrangement with an older single woman." "A lesbian couple." "What?" "What?" "If you're serious." "But I don't know any women like that, Stevie." "They're everywhere!" "There's about four at my work." "Well, I don't want..." "I don't want a kid with some strange 'arrangement' woman from your work." "You don't want it that much then, do you?" "So these lesbians you work with." "I only work with one." "Alison." "I don't know her partner." "(SIGHS) Are they cool?" "I cannot believe you are facilitating this!" "You said yourself, it was just shock, reacting to testicle loss or something." "I know!" "I know it's a bad idea, but what was I meant to do?" "You know what he's been like." "What?" "I wasn't sure if they were vegetarian, so should I take out the salami?" "Just so you know, I am drafting an email, telling everyone." "Parties cancelled indefinitely until further notice." "I think with the three of us acting this way, we have no other choice." "It's OK." "Just send it." "This is just fucked!" "Just think about it before you speak." "Don't launch off..." "Stevie." "Don't improvise." "I got this." "Well, we thought about going the anonymous donor route." "We even put our names on a registry at one point, didn't we?" "But at the end of the day, we want our kid to have a daddy." "Yeah, we do." "A diverse family." "Same, yeah." "Big on daddies over here!" "Ah, Jonah, do you have any questions for Alison and Jennifer?" "Um... yeah, yeah." "So..." "Who were you thinking would actually... be mother?" "Well,..both of us." "I mean, total sharing of the parenting." "But in terms of the actual... biological?" "The..." "Oh, we think it's irrelevant who the biological mother is." "So no thoughts on who'd actually carry the child?" "(LAUGHS)" "Well, we did think Jennifer, because she's a little younger and..." "But then we decided, no, because the clock's ticking more for Alison, so..." "OK." "Yeah." "Yeah." "It's just something I've always imagined." "You know?" "Getting pregnant." "Carrying a child." "I know." "I know." "Me too." "And how do you think you might approach actually being a dad?" "Mmm?" "Oh, yeah, um..." "There's a number of things I've been thinking might be good to do with the kid." "OK, there's this clip on YouTube, where this guy, this dad, has taken a photo of his kid, every day, so it's kind of like a time-lapse thing." "But his isn't real smooth, 'cause his pictures are taken from different distances." "But I reckon if you had a camera set up permanently, at a set distance, that way you're nailing it." "Ah, Jonah, I think Jennifer meant how you might actually approach..." "Television!" "TV." "My belief is you don't want to..." "I was actually meaning more, why..." "Why do you want to be a father?" "In terms of?" "Just why?" "Well, basically, I just really... feel it." "The feeling of it." "My whole body is just screaming for it." "(PANTS)" "OK." "Well..." "You know what?" "Tomorrow... we're actually babysitting." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Tomorrow's the day that I babysit my niece and nephew." "Oh." "So maybe you guys could just come around." "If you're free." "We'd love to, but we have..." "I just think if you saw me with kids, you would get what I mean." "I have to face Alison at work on Monday." "She the hot one?" "Because she was digging it." "I wouldn't be surprised if she was a bit bi, actually." "Stop talking." "Just stop talking." "(KIDS CRY AND SHOUT)" "Try the cheese sticks again." "The cheese stick's on the floor." "Well, jiggle keys." "Take them out of the ignition." "The house keys, Stevie!" "Hey!" "Come on, Ellie." "(PHONE RINGS) Oh!" "Is that.." "Aah!" "it's Alison!" "What?" "Don't answer it now!" "Don't answer it." "Please, let me pull over." "Please!" "Just try a little bit." "Oh!" "No hitting!" "Don't hit people, OK?" "They coming?" "I don't know any more lesbian couples." "Maybe it's time to let it go." "You realise this'd be it, Jonah?" "You'd be giving up your life for someone who's probably gonna grow up to resent you anyway." "Then they'd leave." "You'd get a phone call once a fortnight if you're lucky." "There's so much more out there in life." "Do you actually believe that?" "The last time I saw my mum she told me she was happy because she brought me and Claire into the world." "She said in the end, that's all that mattered to her." "I want that." "Hey, can you grab him?" "(CLICK!" ")" "(THUD!" ") Shh!" "(CRIES) Fuck." "(FALLS SILENT)" "I hope you're not offended that I'm even asking you." "I just remember you saying something about donor sperm if you got near 40." "It might have been a joke..." "No, I looked into it." "Sort of." "So it wouldn't be like a date?" "No." "No, no." "That's the whole thing." "It'd be an arrangement." "Like donor sperm, only you'd be getting a fully functioning dad for your baby." "(LAUGHS)" "It's a really strange thing to get your head around." "No, I was just thinking about what my sister would say." "(CLEARS THROAT) She's got three kids." "Perfect family." "Well, maybe she'd be jealous." "(LAUGHS) I don't think so." "Well... you'd get the best of both worlds." "You'd have your baby, but you could still date whoever you wanted." "Seriously, the whole 'partner for life' thing - is it really that great?" "(LAUGHS) I mean, most of the time it's disastrous, or quietly crap." "Oh, cynical!" "No." "Oh, sorry." "Sorry." "No, I just, um..." "I just think it's smart." "An arrangement." "You get to have a family, but keep your freedom." "I don't know why more people don't do it." "Sounds like you should. (CHUCKLES)" "(BOTH LAUGH)" "So, you think he'd make a good dad?" "Yeah." "Yep." "I'm not seeing anyone that looks like that, Stevie." "STEVIE ON PHONE:" "She usually wears headbands." "Headbands?" "And layers." "Lots of layers." "She looks like the kind of person who might do craft in front of morning TV." "(BOTH MOUTH SILENTLY)" "Found her'?" "Sony I'm late." "MARCIE:" "Oh, no, no worries." "(SNIFFS) (BABY GURGLES)" "(GURGLES)" "(SPEAKS INAUDIBLY)" "Can you ring and rebook the AV equipment for the next two Fridays?" "I thought the parties were cancelled." "Ah, no, no, no." "I spoke to him and he wants to roll with two really epic parties before his treatment." "He was speaking about getting a second DJ, training up Cantzi and Smitty." "Just taking up a whole other level." "I guess it's a pretty young crowd." "How old do you think I am?" "Huh?" "Oh, no, Marcie, not you." "You'd fit in perfectly." "You would!" "Nice save." "You've got moves." "Look at you!" "You think I've got the moves?" "Yeah!" "Just from the walk from the restaurant to... (LAUGHS)" "Stevie!" "He was great." "He was just really, really great." "(CHUCKLES) You didn't tell me he was so good-looking!" "Oh!" "No, I guess I see a lot of him." "Bit too much, really." "Yeah." "He's really in the moment, isn't he?" "Mmm." "Yeah." "We ended up drinking quite a bit." "(LAUGHS) I didn't expect it to be such a big night actually." "Has he spoken to you yet?" "No." "I..." "He's probably sleeping in." "Wish I was too!" "(LAUGHS)" "Anyway, I just wanted to thank you, Stevie, for thinking of me and organising everything." "He really is a brilliant guy, but I can't do it." "(LAUGHS) Oh." "He has to lock it in, like, basically this week." "And I don't know him." "Ah, I can vouch for him." "I know, I know." "But you've lived with him for years, and I don't even really know you that well." "I don't mean that in a bad way..." "(PHONE RINGS) No." "So, Smitty, you'll be shadowing Jonah." "Cantzi, you're on me." "You'll see the perks as they come, you know, the attention, but what I want you to note is the military precision beneath these good times." "OK, you know, things like..." "Jonah!" "Jonah!" "Smitty, I will indicate when the shadowing period begins." "It's things like that that, you know, are gonna get in the way of us having a good night." "No pre-emption." "Presumption." "I was just checking." "Yeah." "Just check." "That's OK." "Take the hat off for now." "Did you get my messages?" "Ah, no." "Sorry, it was a crazy day." "What'd she say?" "She didn't call you?" "Oh, well, she said that she had a wonderful time but ultimately it's not a road that she wants to go down." "What..." "Fuck." "Fuck!" "But, you know, she said that you were lovely." "You know, she had a great time." "Reckon I should call her and say that that never happens?" "I mean, only twice in my life have I ever had any trouble getting hard." "Oh, the tequila!" "The fucking tequila." "I'm telling you, there's an ingredient in tequila where I just can't..." "You slept with her?" "Ah, no." "Well, I mean, I tried to, yeah." "What?" "You weren't supposed to try and sleep with her, Jonah." "It was meant to be an arrangement." "Fuck!" "I've told you a hundred fucking times, it has to be an arrangement." "It should be an arrangement." "You OK?" "Ah, yeah." "Yep." "Yeah, sorry." "Sorry." "I just..." "I shouldn't have involved people from work." "No, you're right." "Can't believe I let that happen!" "It's gotta be about the arrangement." "Just a clean..." "If you could just get me a second shot with her." "Stevie, just a second meeting, I'd keep it all about the arrangement." "Jonah, honestly, she's..." "I'd give her this house!" "What?" "Yeah." "I'd give her the house." "You can't give her the house." "Listen, if a woman is gonna carry my kid, I'm gonna give her this house." "Split it, you mean?" "You split it." "Nah, nah." "It's theirs." "Hers and my kid's." "And she'd get to work, right?" "Work as much as she wants?" "You'd be a stay-at-home dad?" "If that's what she wants." "Well, she does." "She would want." "Then absolutely." "Round the clock." "I'd be like a manny." "And you'd be totally cool with her having relationships - like, dating other guys?" "Totally cool." "It wouldn't get weird, her bringing other guys in the house?" "Other guys, here." "How many guys are we talking about?" "Oh, well, you know, like, a guy." "Um, a boyfriend." "It's her house." "You can't give her the house." "That's extravagant." "I'd put it in both of our names." "Oh, no, I wouldn't need that." "What?" "Um..." "I'm gonna get..." "I'm gonna get changed." "Can you just..." "(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)" "Dude!" "Dude!" "Dude, dude, dude!" "Hey!" "There you are." "Gus said you'd tell me how to change the keg." "Huh?" "Jonah, Jonah!" "Where's Stevie?" "Oh, she's, um... got a migraine." "Poor thing." "Yeah." "She'll be down later." "Hey, man, you know, even if she pulls out, it's cool." "Don't worry about it, you know?" "We're building our team." "It's the foundations for the empire." "We're gonna fucking dominate, yeah?" "Oh, hey, hey!" "Build-up in the hall!" "ON RECORDING:" "Hi." "You've reached Stevie." "Leave me a message." "(THUNDER RUMBLES IN DISTANCE)" "Stevie, before in your room..." "I don't know what that was, but if there's even the slightest chance that you would consider..." "With everyone else, it's never really made total sense to me, you know, how it would work as an arrangement, but with you, I get it." "I mean, we'd be two best friends raising a kid." "Yeah..." "(BIRDS TWITTER)" "(FUNKY MUSIC)" "(CROAKING ALERT TONE PLAYS ON MOBILE)" "STEVIE: if... if we were to consider this," "I would have conditions, a lot of conditions that we would need to agree upon." "I would agree with whatever you..." ""100 % confidential."" "Uh-huh." "Um, chances are this won't work and if it doesn't, I want us to go completely back to normal with no-one knowing a thing." "Right, right, except Gus." "No!" "What?" "No, especially not Gus." "Yes, of course." "Right." "Mm." "What?" "No." "You need to actually read it, Jonah." "Oh, I do?" "Just sign it." "You... you don't have any questions or comments?" "Yeah." "Are you sure?" "Two weeks ago you didn't even want a kid." "And now..." "I know it's insane." "I keep asking myself that." "But then I break it down." "A stay-at-home dad, this house..." "I love this house." "You know that." "Freedom, but with a family." "Seriously, I think it's a good deal." "I mean, I don't even think I believe in the whole love, marriage, babies thing." "But this, you and me having a kid as an arrangement," "I think it could be kind of genius." "What are you..." "Oh, no!" "What?" "!" "Oh, we're not doing it natural." "It said very clearly 'artificial'." "Artificial?" "Yeah." "(FUNKY MUSIC)" "That'll be good." "Don't we need a few of them?" "How many times do we..." "Hey, do we re-use it?" "It'll be fine." "And we'll supplement that with Monday and Wednesday." "And Thursday... for luck." "And so do I, like, deliver it in my room and transport it to yours or..." "No, I'm not attempting this with Gus just outside the door." "We can lock it." "It said very clearly 'off-site'." "Did you actually read a single word?" "So not here?" "(JONAH SIGHS) It looks expensive." "It's cheap." "For four nights, but." "It's cheap as shit, Jonah." "JONAH:" "What's the bowl for?" "Well, you deliver into the bowl." "You can't go directly into the syringe, Jonah." "N..." "Right." "Yep. yep" "(POURS KETTLE)" "Ooh, it probably won't be that much and it's probably gonna be thicker than that." "This is for practice, Jonah." "Yep." "Yep." "So you deliver into the bowl." "Now, do you want to be the one to draw it up or would you prefer to bring it out to me?" "No, I'll..." "I'll do it." "Mm-hm." "Yeah." "Right, easy." "Ohh!" "Did you do that on purpose?" "No, this syringe, it's just..." "It's fucked!" "Get over yourself." "STEVIE:" "Fuck." "What if we squeezed all the toilet-cleaning gel out of this and just... (MAKES SQUELCHING NOISE)" "It's a four-day window." "We've just missed the first day." "Fuck!" "That's a whole... quarter of the time." "I'm just gonna put something out there and I totally expect you to say no, but I'm gonna put it out there anyway." "(ROCK MUSIC)" "SONG: ♪ All I Want" "♪ Is food and air and shelter and water" "♪ And you" "♪ You and your mammalian locomotions" "♪ I know you are my love" "I Mammalian locomotion"." "I" "You wanna just sit and talk for a bit?" "Uh, about... about what?" "Small talk." "Um, how about a massage?" "I could give you a massage." "I don't like massages." "I'm good at them." "I just don't like them." "(EXHALES)" "What if I went into the bathroom and got myself ready, you get ready out here and then when I'm right on the verge," "I'll just come out and, you know, quick." "Can we just try it normal?" "Yep. yep" "(CHUCKLES)" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Jesus, so many pillows!" "Are you in yet?" "No, I'm just..." "Um, you..." "Are you good?" "Yeah, thanks, I'm alright." "This is tight." "Um, so OK... (THUD) BOTH:" "Ohh!" "Arggh!" "Jonah, ow!" "Oh, my nose!" "OW!" "Ow." "Can you have a look?" "Am I bleeding?" "No, no, you're fine." "(SIGHS)" "Um..." "Sorry." "(CHUCKLES) (STAMMERS)" "So from now?" "Uh, yeah." "Yep." "Yeah, if you're..." "OK." "Um..." "Uh, including kissing?" "Oh, maybe no kissing." "Um..." "If we just..." "Yeah." "(LAUGHS) Sorry, sorry." "So, you know..." "Ooh, ooh!" "Oh, just..." "Oh, sorry." "No." "Too full-on?" "No, no, no, no, no, no." "That's fine." "It was good." "Sorry, um..." "I was just looking the other way." "Maybe we should try a slow grade-up, maybe take it from 1 to 10 slowly." "OK, what's one?" "Um..." "Uh-huh." "Yeah." "OK, two?" "(BOTH LAUGH)" "Uh, three." "Oh..." "(MOAN) (BREATH ES HEAVILY)" "7,8,9,10, yeah?" "Yeah." "(EXHALES)" "(BOTH BREATHE HEAVILY)" "(BOTH PANT AND MOAN)" "Oh, oh... (MOANS)" "(BOTH GASP AND PANT)" "Ohh, ohh... (BOTH EXHALE HEAVILY)" "(LAUGHS)" "I'm sorry." "(LAUGHS)" "Say something. (LAUGHS)" "After-dinner mint?" "Well, I don't mind if I do." "(DOOR BANGS SHUT)" "(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)" "Hey." "Hi." "(FOOTSTEPS FADE)" "('FEEL GOOD INC.' BY THE GORILLAZ PLAYS)" "(PANTING AND MOANING)" "(BEDHEAD THUDS)" "(BOTH GASP AND PANT)" "4:00 - pick up ice. 4:30 - check the sound cables." "4145..." "No, no, no, no." "You're looking at the column." "You gotta look at the row." "It's the Cantzi row." "Sorry." "Where you going?" "Just gonna run over stuff with DJ Sanz." "(SMITTY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)" "I think Gus is getting suspicious." "Yeah." "('FEEL GOOD INC.' CONTINUES)" "JONAH:" "I was thinking, like, um, a projector." "STEVIE:" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "So we film the dance floor, but then we can project it on the outside wall." "We could write our own messages in there..." "Scrolling across the bottom." "And/or a band." "I could try some of my music contacts." "What?" "Really?" "Music contacts?" "I know the drummer of Fait Accompli." "(SCOFFS) She just made that up." "Hey!" "What?" "Google them and you'll find them and they're rad." "If we wanted lame, underground, daggy, '90s hip-hop bands then we would come to you, but if we're not, if we want something cool..." "Big Papa, he's not daggy." "(LAUGHS) "He's not daggy"?" "He's not daggy." "Um..." "He's not daggy." "What do you think, Gus?" "Sounds fucking awesome." "Awesome!" "I love the projector." "('FEEL GOOD INC.' CONTINUES)" "(BOTH GASP AND MOAN)" "SONG: ♪ Windmill, windmill for the land" "♪ Turn forever, hand in hand" "♪ Take it all, yeah, in your stride" "♪ It is ticking, falling down" "♪ Love forever Love is free" "♪ Let's turn forever, you and me" "♪ Windmill, windmill for the land" "♪ Is everybody in... ♪" "What is it?" "Are you sure that this is right for you?" "You're not having second thoughts?" "No, no." "This is perfect for me." "But you've got heaps of time, Stevie." "I mean, you've got years and years." "I I hope it's not 'cause you think you're not gonna get another chance." "'Cause you would, I reckon." "You would for sure." "No, I'm good with this." "(PENSIVE MUSIC)" "WOMAN:" "I thought we agreed that the links would highlight as you scrolled over." "Oh, did we?" "Yeah." "Malcolm, do you have a copy of the brief?" "Thank you." "SMITTY:" "Oh, man, can you just chill out?" "I didn't change anything, alright?" "All I did on there was just..." "Smitty has messed with the privacy settings on the party page." "Now we've got..." "What?" "500 confirmed attending?" "(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) How many maybes?" "How many maybes, Smitty?" "I don't know!" "Hello." "STEVIE:" "Hey." "Can you meet me?" "What?" "Can you come in and meet me at my work, at the car park, please?" "Hey." "What is it?" "Uh..." "I got my period." "What?" "I got my period." "(STAMMERS)" "But I thought..." "Like, are you sure?" "Yeah, yep" "Has it come early?" "Well, it's not like clockwork, Jonah." "It changes." "Yeah, I know." "I just felt for sure it was gonna happen." "Well, thank God we didn't tell anyone." "Yeah." "Oh, fuck." "Three more days." "Fuck!" "Just, oh, if there was more time or..." "Or what?" "I don't know." "You could go another option or..." "No." "Obviously, no." "Well, don't let me hold you back." "Well, it's just not feasible now." "Well, you do what you gotta do, Jonah." "Um, I've got to get back to work." "Hey, are you angry at me?" "No, I'm just..." "I've gotta get back to work." "Stevie, you're fine." "You got heaps of time to have a kid." "Oh, thanks, thanks." "Well, it's true!" "You didn't even want a kid until a week and a half ago." "What?" "Oh, I..." "I can't believe I got involved with this." "This was YOUR plan, Stevie!" "Oh, my plan?" "Yeah, I was the one trying ex-girlfriends and you were like..." "'Cause you were having tremendous success with your ex-girlfriends!" "I'm just pointing out there's no reason for you to be all furious." "I'm not fucking furious!" "I'm fine!" "In fact, I'm relieved." "Thank God it didn't happen, 'cause us having a kid together would have been a total fucking disaster." "(GENTLE MELANCHOLY MUSIC)" "(PEOPLE JOSTLE AND CHATTER IN DISTANCE)" "SONG: ♪ Carry me down to the bitter shores" "♪ I 'Il sink to swim" "♪ And this brighter side it seems to be... ♪" "Oh, hey, if you run into Gus, tell him I am getting the ice." "We're literally leaving right now, yeah?" "Alright, man." "Cool." "GUS:" "Hey, whoa!" "Not yet!" "There's still half an hour!" "Where have you been?" "There is, like, 20 people out there." "We are two hours behind." "The sound is fucked and Stevie is bailing." "What?" "She just sent me a text." "She didn't explain or anything, just, "Can't make it."" "Take these over there." "What?" "What did she say?" "Uh..." "Well, don't stress." "We'll... we'll put it together." "Have you done the kegs?" "Just two of them." "OK." "OK." "Sorry." "Half an hour." "(MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES)" "(GUS SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)" "Hey." "Hey." "You shouldn't have committed to this the weekend before your... (POPS LIPS) Oh, no, it's good, man." "It's good." "It's time to take it up a notch." "OK." "Lollapalooza, right?" "Lollapalooza!" "Alright." "Would've made a pretty fucked-up dad anyway." "(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)" "(PEOPLE YELL AND CHEER)" "Jonah!" "I've been looking for you." "You have?" "I, um..." "I made a phone call on your behalf." "(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)" "You've got cancer?" "How could you not tell me this?" "You are still so much a part of my life." "It's OK." "You won't be able to have kids'?" "Come upstairs for a second?" "Of course." "Oh, my God, the things that I said!" "Oh. my God!" "Ava..." "Ohh." "It's OK." "I don't think that you would be a terrible father." "I really don't." "I think you would be great." "I've always thought that." "I guess that's why I kept coming back." "I could see it." "Playing with your niece, when your nephew was born..." "('KEEP WALKING' BY THE MESS HALL)" "STEVIE:" "Hi, Jonah." "I'm on my way home." "Can you just call me when you get this, please?" "Thanks. 'Bye." "(BOTH PANT AND MOAN)" "You know I tried with other women." "Was I the first'?" "(BOTH MOAN)" "(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)" "Smitty!" "Smitty!" "Do you know those blokes in the suspenders?" "No, no." "Have you seen Jonah?" "I just saw them try and unscrew the toilet lid." "(BOTH MOAN AND GASP)" "(MOANS CONTINUOUSLY)" "Oh..." "OHH!" "Ohh!" "Fuck!" "(GASPS)" "Fuck." "(BOTH PANT AND GASP)" "Oh, did... did any go in?" "(STAMMERS)" "What... what happened?" "I don't think I can do this." "What?" "It's not you." "You're beautiful." "But..." "Gus, Gus, Gus!" "Oh, NOW you show up?" "!" "Someone sent out a mass text." "I don't know who half these people are." "Where's Jonah?" "He's upstairs!" "Can you grab Cantzi?" "(SIREN BLIPS IN DISTANCE)" "I think I'm in love with someone." "(SIREN BLARES IN DISTANCE) What?" "MAN ON LOUDSPEAKER:" "This is the police." "The party is now over." "Make your way outside, please." "Please, just... just wait here." "I'll sort this out." "Who is she'?" "Wait here." "Lock the door behind me." "Thank God you didn't..." "I'm so sorry." "Hi." "GUS:" "Don't keep drinking, mate." "Get out!" "(PEOPLE JOSTLE AND YELL) Excuse me, guys." "MAN:" "Put the drink down and get out." "STEVIE:" "Jonah!" "MAN:" "The party is over!" "Move!" "Stevie!" "Hey." "Hi." "Um, I've been calling." "I tried to get through to you." "I've been trying to call you too." "I just wanted to..." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "No, I'm sorry." "I called and I just freaked out and I didn't mean... because..." "AVA:" "Excuse me." "Thank you." "I, um... (LAUGHS) AVA:" "Excuse me." "You need to move the fuck away from the door!" "Oh..." "Um..." "Uh..." "Stevie!" "Sorry." "Excuse me." "Fuck!" "Excuse me!" "Excuse me." "Sorry." "Hey, wait, wait!" "Stevie, wait!" "Stevie, I didn't..." "Stevie." "Excuse me!" "Hey!" "(PEOPLE JOSTLE AND CHATTER)" "(REVS ENGINE)" "JONAH:" "Hey, Stevie!" "Please stop!" "Stevie!" "Oh, Jesus!" "Stevie..." "Stevie!" "Stev..." "Fuck!" "(BRAKES SQUEAL)" "MAN:" "Whoa!" "(PEOPLE EXCLAIM AND LAUGH)" "Oh..." "Fuck, fuck." "Are you alright?" "Fuck!" "Are you alright?" "Oh, shit." "I'll pay for it." "What?" "Fuck, I don't care." "Oh, Jesus, what were you..." "Oh!" "Yeah..." "Listen." "I don't care about getting a baby anymore." "I don't care about the arrangement." "I don't." "I just wanna be with you." "Well, I do care." "I want a baby." "And it'll never happen with you." "(ENGINE REVS)" "(FUNKY BLUES MUSIC)" "SONG: ♪ I once had a life" "♪ Or rather life had me" "I I was one among many" "♪ Or at least I seemed to be" "I But I read an old quotation in a book just yesterday" "♪ It said, "Gonna reap just what you sow" "♪ "The debts you make you have to pay"" "♪ Can you get to that?" "♪ Can you get" "I I wanna know" "I I wanna know if you can get to that" "♪ Can you get" "I I wanna know" "I I wanna know if you can get to that" "♪ I recollect with mixed emotions" "I All the good times we used to have" "I But you were making preparations for the coming separation" "I And you blew everything we had" "I When you base your love on credit" "I Then your loving days are done" "♪ Cheques you signed with love and kisses" "I Later come back signed "insufficient funds"" "I Yeah, get to that!" "♪ Can you get" "I I wanna know" "I I wanna know if you can get to that" "♪ Can you get, can you get" "I I wanna know" "I I wanna know if you can get to that" "♪ When you base your life on credit" "I And your loving days are done" "I The cheques you signed with love and kisses" "I Later come back signed "insufficient funds"" "I Y'all get to that!" "♪ Can you get" "I I wanna know" "I I wanna know if you can get to that" "♪ Can you get, can you get" "I I wanna know... ♪" "MAN:" "And you've fasted this morning?" "JONAH:" "Nothing since dinner." "Right, well, just some information there about your recovery and treatment area." "Any questions?" "Yeah, um, what do they do with the testicle?" "Does he get to view it after?" "Um, it's OK." "I don't need to view it." "You sure, man?" "STEVIE:" "Is it this one?" "WOMAN:" "Just the door on the right." "DOCTOR:" "I'll check on you afterwards, but you may not be too coherent at that point, so I will call you tomorrow, and we'll begin talking about the next phase of your treatment." "Alright, I'll see you soon, Jonah." "STEVIE:" "Hi, Aidan." "Gus." "Well, uh, Gus, could you help me back to the car with Aidan?" "Yeah." "Hey." "Call me, yeah, as soon as..." "Yep." "'Bye, Stevie. 'Bye." "He's not an explosive device, Gus." "Yeah, no, I know, but is this smell normal?" "I'll be back in a second." "Thanks for coming." "It means a lot." "I got you something." "Choc bullets!" "I love choc bullets." "(LAUGHS) Yeah, I know." "Thank you." "Uh, Jonah, what I said the other night..." "Um, I'm sorry." "Nah, I'm sorry." "No, I..." "What I said was inexcusable and..." "No, Stevie, you were right." "You were so right." "You've just gotta be a mum, Stevie." "That's the best thing that's come out of all of this." "Now you know." "I reckon you would have been one of those girls who turns 40 and thinks, "Shit, I did want a kid."" "Now you know." "And you got heaps of time." "You're gonna meet a really cool guy and you're gonna have four kids, I reckon." "(CHUCKLES) I haven't changed that much." "And what about you?" "Maybe I was always meant to be, like, the cool uncle, just giving your kids their first beers." "And one day you gotta tell them that if it wasn't for me you never would have had kids." "(STAMMERS) GUS:" "OK!" "They said they're coming with the wheelchair." "So it's time." "Hey, Stevie, it's OK." "You just gotta think it's actually the start of Jonah getting better." "Oh..." "Oh!" "Shh, it's OK." "Hey, man." "I'll see you on the other side." "I'm not dying, Gus." "No, that's right." "No, you're not." "Um, the things you said to me the other night, did you mean them?" "What did he say?" "What did you say?" "Are you ready, Mr. Reid?" "The orderly will be here in a minute." "I did." "I do, but..." "I don't think you should settle for cool uncle." "I think you gotta be a dad." "And if you can't do it naturally, then there's always donor sperm." "I..." "Ohh." "(EXHALES)" "('GIRL IS ON MY MIND' BY THE BLACK KEYS PLAYS)" "What... what the fuck'?" "SONG: ♪ Girl is on my mind" "♪ Girl is on my mind" "♪ I try to ignore and I try to unwind" "♪ But she is on my mind" "♪ Her eyes are in my eyes" "♪ Her eyes are in my eyes" "♪ Where I've been, how time flies" "♪ When she is in my eyes" "♪ See her standing there" "♪ See her standing there" "♪ She's gentle now and she takes great care" "♪ See her standing there" "♪ Hold me close to you" "♪ Hold me close to you" "♪ Not one thing that I would not do" "♪ If you would hold me close to you" "I Alright" "I Yeah!" "♪ Girl is on my mind" "♪ She is on my mind" "♪ I try to ignore, I try to unwind" "♪ But she is on my mind" "♪ Ooh" "♪ Ooh, ooh" "♪ Ooh, yeah... ♪" "(UPBEAT MUSIC)"