"He's coming!" "Get the blanket!" "Hurry!" "Where you guys just having sex?" "What?" "Of course not!" "Okay, then stand up." "No." "We will not." "Hah!" "You guys are getting busted a lot lately." "You're getting sloppy." "And not the good kind of sloppy." "Oh boy." "Oh, Mark." "I thought you said you were going to your mom's." "No, I said my mom was coming here." "Oh, hi Mrs. Movenpick." "Hi Mrs. Movenpick." "Sorry Jay, sorry man." "I got caught halfway between here and the coffee shop." "Had to make a split decision." "That's okay, just, you know, hurry." "Wow." "It sure is steamy in here." "Oh." "Hi Maggie." "Hi Mark." "Okay, yeah, yeah, this one's my fault." "I should definitely not be in here right now." "It's so hot, all I can think of is having a cold beer." "I got a cold beer, but I don't think you're gonna want it." "Okay." "Did you leave anything at Costco?" "Costco?" "Hah!" "As if." "I'm not paying those prices." "I'm a Bargain Bunker kind of man." "I got three months worth of meat for only 140 bucks." "What are Stank Burgers?" "They're kinda like Frankfurters with a tad more laxativity." "Chicken Wangs, not recommended for pregnant women or any women." "They now come in chicken flavor, so" "Let's just stay on the couch watching movies all weekend." "Oh, that sounds amazing, just you, me and our air conditioner that sounds like a dying old man." "Oh look, it's Trapped in a Box." "I love this movie." "Is that the movie where Gary Busey gets trapped in a box?" "No, a lot of people make that mistake." "It's actually Nick Nolte." "What are you talking about?" "It was Gary Busey, right Mark?" "I dunno, I only saw Trapped in a Box 2, Mailed to Miami." "Blackout!" "Blackout!" "How long was our last blackout?" "Two days." "Two days?" "!" "This stuff isn't good fresh." "Ice!" "I need ice!" "Where's our ice?" "It melted when you took tray out the freezer to make room for chicken wangs." "I don't have a signal." "We won't know who's trapped in a box 'till the power's back." "What did people do to settle arguments before the Internet?" "We could go to the video store." "I'm not going out in the heat just to prove that you're wrong." "Come on Gary, help a friend out." "I'd love to get you some ice, sir, but unfortunately you and I are on a bit of a friendship hiatus right now." "Or do you not recall what happened when I asked you for help?" "Now, when I'm clear and only when I'm clear" "I want you to push the red button." "Gotcha, push the red button." "Whoa!" "Ahha!" "Did it get me?" "Did it get me?" "No, you look like really good." "I really feel it got me, around here." "No, no, no, no you're totally good." "Mustache is fine, Gary." "How was I supposed to know you were mad?" "You had no eyebrows." "One thing a single man does not need, sir." "It's a longer forehead." "Now I bid you good day, sir." "Uh, aren't you gonna storm off or something?" "In a minute." "Ugh." "I should not have had that 2 litre Fresca." "Okay, I've got the Illustrated Cinema Guide, the Central Screen Guide, The Hollywood Skin Directory in its original cellophane and here's my everyday copy." "Some of the pages are stuck together, if you know what I mean." "Don't read any pancakes." "I thought you said no need to prove I'm wrong." "No, I said no need to go outside to prove you're wrong." "Aha!" "Trapped in a Box, in pre-production, anticipated release 1992." "How old is this?" "Whoa, whoa wait." "Casting unconfirmed, offer still pending to Nick Nolte... and Gary Busey." "Dammit." "Well, I'm glad my books could be of some help in resolving this conflict." "And in exchange for that help, I'd like to borrow a fan." "Mine stopped working a little while ago, along with my TV, my microwave, and my toaster." "That's because there's a power outage." "Interesting." "I have to go, um, not to get my appliances out of the dumpster," "I just..." "I just got something to do so, see ya in a bit." "Come one Bee, open up, it's an ice emergency." "There's no Bee here." "Just me, Mr. Biscuits." "I do not have time to talk to a cat." "Who doesn't have time for such a cute little pussycat like me?" "Who are you talking to Mr. Biscuits?" "Oh just Mr. Feeds Weird Things To Other People's Cats." "Okay." "When have I ever done that?" "Ugh, Mark, you really shouldn't feed Bee's cat gum." "I only gave it gum to get rid of its cigarette-breath." "You gave it a cigarette too?" "Uh yeah, obviously." "I'm shooting a video about a smoking cat." "The gum makes it look like it's talking." "Meow, meow, I love you Jason, last night was amazing." "Oh my God, you had sex with a cat!" "Gross!" "Okay, to be fair, chatty catty got over 100 hits." "Why am I telling this to a cat?" "Gum and fur do not mix." "I think you have someone you need to apologize too." "We meet again!" "It looks like a little old man." "Step on it." "Step on it!" "Also Gary Busey is claustrophobic," "I read this article saying he didn't wanna be type-cast as a guy trapped in a box." "God, you are such a know-it-all." "I didn't realize I was dating Steven Hodgekins." "I think you mean..." "Never mind." "Oh, hey Gary." "The power's been out twenty minutes and you're looting." "I wouldn't call it that, sir." "So you bought that microwave?" "Well I bought the brick." "Okay, can you settle an argument for us?" "Really?" "It's my word over the guy who still uses a pager." "Ladies always notice the pager." "Did Nick Nolte star in Trapped in a Box?" "Yes sir, he did sir." "Ah." "You're sure it wasn't Gary Busey?" "Yup." "That's the guy." "Well which one was it?" "Full disclosure, I've no idea who either of those people are." "However, I do know arguments, especially ones that are really about something else." "It's just about a movie." "Okay, if you say so." "If you'll excuse me, I have to throw this microwave through that store window so I can get myself a TV." "Ah yes, yes!" "You got the last bag of ice." "Can I have some?" "No." "What?" "Why not?" "What have I ever done to you?" "_" "Yes, you got the last bag of ice." "Can I have some?" "No!" "Why?" "What'd I ever do to you?" "Nothing." "I don't see the relevance." "You're my best friend but you do not think about anybody but yourself." "Uh, first of all, Jason's my best friend." "He's so great." "Secondly, I do things for others constantly." "Like right now I'm offering you half your ice." "Do you see that isn't a good deal for me?" "Okay, half of your ice and uh, these straws." "Oh I do love straws." "Wait, I have so many straws at home!" "What?" "The video store's gone." "Hey, it's the person that rents only romantic comedies, and his girlfriend." "Oh my God, it's Tim." "Tim's Video, what happened to your store?" "People don't like me making this face every time they order a Jack Black movie." "Can you tell Maggie that Nick Nolte starred in Trapped in a Box?" "I'm sorry." "We--we only carried the original French version" "Le Homme de la Boite." "Let's go to the library." "Let's just forget about it." "Are you arguing about a movie or something else?" "No!" "It's a movie." "Hit the screen with the microwave, nothing a little nail polish won't fix, off to the drug store." "No matter how bad things get at least I'm not that guy." "Come on Doug, you gotta have some ice!" "Come on man, what have I ever done to you?" "Okay, yeah I did laugh when the mascot tried to resuscitate you but that was hilarious." "It's a Dalmatian giving you mouth-to-mouth, you could see that right?" "Doug?" "Hello?" "Okay, I just need to be creative." "What's this?" "It's come to my attention that there might be a bit of bad blood here and some of that's on me, maybe, but I think we can all agree the heat wave is the real villain here." "The heat wave is never a villain." "Unless of course you mean the character Heat Wave from the Justice League Comics." "But that's just because he was raised by his uncle, put in a meat locker by a bully in a school trip causing him to hate Captain Cole." "Now that doesn't explain his behavior during Project Cabness." "The way he acted during Infinite Crisis is inexcusable, but still not cool." "Well said." "Yeah, right?" " Mmhmm." " It felt great." "At least we agree the only way to beat the heat is with a good old-fashion water fight." "You think all this is gonna be solved with a little water." "Wahhh!" "Hohohoho!" "Wait a minute, that was a trick!" "You Tom Sawyer'd us." "My life-savings is almost lost to meat that's rapidly thawing in a tub." "You guys would do the same." "One thing I've learned in my life is to enjoy today because tomorrow is always worse." "That sucks." "Mmhmm." "Now if you'll excuse us, we got a water fight to finish." "Without you!" "I can get us in here because I work here." "You work at university, I work at a bar, so you're obviously smarter." "No, each of our jobs has its own challenges." "Whether it's carrying 3 beers at once or mapping the corn genome." "Closed due to blackout." "Oh that's okay I can get us in with my university smart card." "Not smart card, university card." "You actually think you're smarter than me." "I'm smarter than a lot of people." "Not specifically you." "You're street smart, I'm brain smart." "Street smart, way better." "You'd be much better in prison than I would be." "I'd be horrible." "But the odds of someone with my education ending up in prison are very low, but you know what I mean hypothetically." "What are you talking about?" "Hypothetically means pretend." "Uhh!" "But you knew that because you're smart and beautiful, but more importantly smart." "Why am I still talking?" "I am not smart enough to stop talking." "Maggie!" "Hey, Simon look, look, look." "Okay, I know I screwed up and I'm sorry man." "So I brought you these." "Brownsicles from Synthetic Edibles, subdivision of Hotco Plastics." "Thanks man!" "Want one?" "No, no, I'm a little creeped out that they don't seem to melt." "Yeah they're making a strange noise in my mouth." "Yeah, yeah, look what am I gonna do?" "Everyone thinks I'm a jerk." "Should I move somewhere no one knows me?" "They'll get to know you." "Yeah!" "Right." "Is there some way I can make it up to you?" "Oh!" "You could read my Game of Thrones fan fiction." "Awesome." "Cool." "Whoa!" "That is really, really big." "It's even longer than the book." "Yeah, a little bit." "Thirty pages of hand-drawn maps." "Yeah, you're gonna want to memorize those or none of it's gonna make sense." "Cool!" "Cool, cool, cool!" "So like is there some way I can make everyone else think I'm a good guy?" "I don't know, maybe you could do good things." "Yeah!" "I should do that!" "Thanks buddy." "First good deed, don't eat those." "Thanks man." "Gahh..." "Do you feel okay?" "Yeah, yeah fine." "I mean I can't feel my legs." "I'm getting pretty cold." "Is everything spinning?" "No." "Okay." "Wanna sit down, maybe lie down for a bit?" "Yeah I think so." "Hey Simon, I just finished the poster." "What do you think?" "It's a little unclear." "What're you talking about?" ""Sausage party, hot beef, pork all night." "Meat in your mouth."" ""Anyone can come." Yeah, I really should use the word BBQ there." "Yeah and that cow has an erection." "No it doesn't." "Sorry, I'm pretty woozy from blowing up this palm tree." "Have your eyes always been missing?" "Anyway, it should be a bitchin' barbeque." "Totally." "Remember the last time I threw a party during a blackout?" "Woo!" "This party is jam-packed." "Woo!" "Blackout parties are the best." "The party is..." "Woo!" "Oh my god you guys!" "This party totally sucks." "Yeah, maybe we should turn the lights back off." "Wait a second, who was I making out with?" "I was about to ask the same question." "She was about yay high and pretty scruffy." "I don't think that's gonna fit out the window, man." "Yeah." "You're probably right." "I should go around." "Bring it up the fire escape." "I'll be smart about it, I'll fill it with water now so I don't have to make two trips." "Okay, I'm just gonna stay here and tweak this poster." "Just one sausage, two meatballs and the word "barbequed"." "Turn the pool buddy." "Right." "Yup." "Maggie come on, I don't think you're dumb." "I wouldn't date someone dumb." "I am too smart for that." "No, it's fine." "If you need to be in a relationship where you're the smartest, that's fine." "I can totally do that." "Oh, uh." "I can't seem to move forward anymore." "Maggie, that's 'cause the door is" "Oh." "I see what you're doing." "Maybe I should read your super-smart thesis on using doors." "Maggie, come on." "You know that's not what my thesis is about, right?" "Really." "I" " I" " I didn't know." "What the hell?" "I think it's a party." "A what?" "I never went to university." "Maggie." "Maggie, come on." "I-- ugh." "Hey, Maggie." "You guys doing the whole street-smart, brain-smart fight?" "Yeah, you doing the "throw a party for the neighbors" thing?" "Yeah." "Okay." "All right." "Beer." "Beer." "'Kay." "You're welcome." "Gary, for you, wine cooler." "You remembered." "So he thinks he's smarter than me, and it's really annoying." "This is what you need to do, okay?" "Slowly poison him." "Um..." "Suit yourself." "That looks really refreshing." "Would you mind some company?" "Um, of course." "Let me just waft away some of these skin flakes." "Never mind." "Fair enough." "Hey!" "Simon, I gotta hand it to ya." "This was a great idea." "Aah!" "Okay everyone!" "I know I haven't always been the most generous of neighbors." "Yeah!" "Woo!" "Okay, that really wasn't meant to elicit cheers." "But today everything I have is yours!" "You can cheer at that." "Yeah, yeah and that everything is $140 worth of meat." "Now, let's light this barbeque up!" "Whoa!" "Ah." "Did it get me?" "No." "'Cause I feel like it got me around here." "No you're good." "How's the uh--?" "Mustache is fine, Gary." "Great." "Ladies." "Hey Simon, we should probably get you out of the sun." "Nah, I'm just getting a base and then I'll be a golden boy." "Hey, you ever hot movie box girlfriend trapped yours?" "I think you're asking if we ever figured out who's trapped in a box." "No." "You're right." "It is hot." "That's probably the cause of this." "I should apologize to Maggie." "Thanks Simon." "Good talk." "Uh, look, it's ridiculously hot." "We both know that the heat affects our mood." "In fact, the murder rate is higher closer to the equator." "It's a fact, and I'm not saying I'm gonna murder you." "In fact, you'd probably murder me." "Let me try this again." "I'm sorry." "We're both smart enough to know that doesn't matter who starred in the movie." "You're right, but can you al least admit that it's possible it was Gary Busey?" "Yeaaaaaaaaaaahh..." "So close." "Wahh!" "Maggie!" "Ow." "Hey, great party." "Uh yeah, sure is." "Yeah, everyone's talking about you." "Everyone at this party's a liar!" "No no no, they're saying that you're super generous." "Yeah, yeah generous that's me, Mr. Generosity." "I don't wanna brag but I'm giving away a tub full of meat." "Well hopefully later we can meet." "Save me a weiner?" "Yes I will." "Being generous is awesome." "No!" "No hoho!" "Oh it's just some flies." "It's just a few flies." "I'm so screwed." "Maggie, Maggie." "Are you okay?" "You hit pretty hard." "You're cute." "Not as cute as my boyfriend." "I'm gonna ask you a few questions see if you have a concussion" "Three." "I haven't asked the question yet, but that's a good start." "So uh, who's having a good time?" "Hey, how about we forget this whole BBQ thing and chip in for pizza?" "Why would you turn this festive event into a dinner of lies?" "I wish I had my eyebrows because then you'd see how upset I am." "You can keep your wiener." "No no no no wait wait guys, I'm just messing with ya." "Just messing with ya." "Yeah let's cook some meat." "Let's just really cook some meat, you know, for a real long time." "Yeah." "Just, let's cook it up." "Yeah, woo!" "What's your name?" "Jason." "Nope, that's my name." "You need to check her pupils for dilation response." "Thanks, but I think I know what I am doing." "Sorry." "I mean I'm just a paramedic." "See, you do think you're smarter than everyone." "Oh, my God." "I'm so sorry, I have a hard time admitting" "I don't know everything." "One thing I do know is" "I have the best girlfriend in the world." "Aw, that's so sweet." "He really loves you." "Yeah, that's definitely a concussion." "There you go." "Wow, okay." "This has been fun, huh." "Woo it is getting late, everyone should probably go home into their own bathrooms and cabinets and call their loved ones." "Aren't you gonna have one?" "Even Robin Hood takes a little for himself." "Uh no, no no." "Your happiness is food enough for me." "Eat, eat, eat...!" "Yeah." "Okay, okay." "Huhh this is happening." "Okay, mmm." "Eat, eat, eat...!" "You know what..." "They're actually not that bad." "There's probably so many preservative in it" "Got any more hot dogs?" "Mark, you better clean all that up." "I'm on it." "Hey are you feeling better?" "Who are you?" "I'm Jason, I'm your boyfriend." "Maggie do you not" "You're so dumb." "Oh thank god." "Uh thank god." "Thank you." "I guess we could learn who was trapped in a box now." "You know what, I don't care if it was Nick Nolte or Gary Busey" "It was Gary Busey." "Dammit!" "It was always Busey." "Well, power's back on." "Temperature's lowering." "I think the worst of it's over." "Yeah, except the apartment still smells like vomit." "The vomit of good friends." "Guys the butterfly is emerging from its cocoon." "That's just the first of several sheddings." "Hello gents, just give me a second." "I still got a touch of SARS." "There we go." "I got you guys a case of beer for being nice to me." "Let me guess, you got that by throwing a TV through a beerstore window?" "Oh no no no, I never loot when the power's on." "It's not classy." "So..." "I've decided to start being more selfless." "Yeah, when it helps other people especially when I stand to benefit." "That's not what being selfless means." "That being said I bought actual hotdogs for everyone." "So, who's up for actual hotdogs?" "Wait, why do you keep saying actual hotdogs?" "'Cause that's what they're called." "Is that weird?" "Guys we survived the blackout." "Like Bill Paxton said when he defeated those aliens." ""Today is our independence day"." "Uh, it's Bill Pullman." "No." "Pullman, buddy." "Enh it's Paxton, he said that, so..." "Bill Pullman." "Nah, it's Bill Paxton." "I know a lot about movies." "Mmmm no." "It was Bill Pullman." "Nah, it's Paxton." "It's Bill Pullman." "No." "I don't think." "Yup."