"Cigarettes." "Cigars." "Pipe tobacco." "Chaw." "That'll be 12 German marks or two American." "Enjoy your trip on the Hindenburg Airship as it crosses the Atlantic on its maiden voyage from Berlin to New Jersey just before World War II." "Cigarettes." "Oh, that'll be twenty..." "twenty-two..." "Oh, twenty-seven..." "We don't pay." "We're Nazis." "Ho ho ho!" "Good one," "Head Senior Command Leader Streubel." ""We don't pay." "We're Nazis."" "Oh-ho-ho-ho!" "I'm laughing!" "Achtung!" "The Fuehrer himself will soon be arriving." "He and I have a history together, and I want that history to continue, if you get my drift." "You know, sex stuff." "It's funny every time." "Okay, you got this one." "That's classic." "It's better without the jacket on." "Yeah, yeah." "Do the..." "Do the other one." "There's this one." "Holy Hitler!" "It's the Wright Brothers." "That's my favorite, actually." "I love it." "Trixie, give them their choice of tobacco category, on the house!" "Who the hell are you?" "Gerald Von Richtofen," "I am the pilot of the Hindenburg." "Perhaps you've heard of me." "They used to call me..." "The Blue Baronet." "This is the brother of World War I flying ace The Red Baron." "Oh, yeah." "But I heard your brain was slow." "I guess that's why your brother's finger-banging movie stars and you're stuck here piloting a blimp." "I will have you know that airships are the future of aviation, sir." "Yeah, so's my dick." "I don't think he's got the marbles to understand us, Wilbur." "Come on." "Let's go invent something else that'll completely change the world." "Later." "What if that twit is right?" "If this voyage is successful, our legacy will be as forgotten as prescription dildos and the electric car." "We got to sabotage this blimp." "Ohhhhh." "Senior Command Leader Streubel, the Fuehrer couldn't make it." "In his place, he sent his favorite pet." "It's a gerbil, named Gerbbils." "What?" "!" "Why isn't he coming?" "!" "Busy?" "Selected races can't strip themselves of tradition and culture." "Anyway, take care of Gerbbils." "Ugh." "A gerbil?" "Click!" "Nazi #3, put the creature in The Fuehrer's suite." "Prepare for takeoff." "Raise the gangplanks, or whatever it is we call them." "Ice cream?" "Oh, ja, ice cream is a good thing." "Pillows?" "Ja, pillows I like." "Triangles." "Triangles?" "Ja, triangles." "They are the best of the shapes." "Ja." "Triangles make the list." "Stop!" "Who are you, and so forth?" "!" "Sorry." "I-I'm looking for the ice-skating rink." "Ah." "Third level, aft." "Much obliged." "Auf wiedersehen." "She was very nice." "Gesundheit!" "It appears our skating enthusiast has left us a wrapped present." "Oh, save the wrapping." "We reuse it." "Okay." "Sorry." "Just clearing my throat." "And welcome to the Hindenburg." "The lounge is now open and serving 1930s-era cocktails." "We have reached our cruising altitude of 650 feet, and below us is the Atlantic Ocean." "650 feet?" "Impossible!" "Oh!" "The ocean looks so small from up here." "It's like ants!" "Schnapps and tonic, on the rocks." "I can guess what your card is simply by reading your mind." "Oh." "5 of diamonds." "Yes." "What a wonderful trick." "It's not a trick." "It's magic." "You're not magic." "Yes, I am." "I am." "I'm really magic." "You know, someday, magicians will sell out huge theaters in Las Vegas." "That tiny desert town in Nevada has theaters?" "No." "Maybe someday." "Oh." "Reggie Fox." "I'm a time tra..." "Traveler." "I'm a travel writer." "Oh." "I'm Penelope Brown, adventurer." "And what do you like to do in your spare time, Penelope Brown?" "Mostly, I try to kill Hitler." "What a coincidence." "Me too!" "Shoot, I'd even travel back through time to kill Hitler, though I am not currently doing that, of course." "I stowed away in a blimp to kill him, with a bomb." "And I'm going to help you plant that bomb in Hitler's room, as though I were sent back in time to do so." "We can't blow up the blimp, Wilbur!" "We're in it!" "Oh, yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying now." "But we got to do something." "If you want to end blimp travel forever, there's no use in blowing up one single zeppelin." "Better to destroy the idea of airship travel altogether." " What's the plan?" " I couldn't help but notice you gentlemen know your way around fart noises." "But no one actually likes farts, right?" "No, I sort of like them." "Well, I have a plan to turn this blimp into a giant fart machine, right in front of all those newspapermen watching us land in New Jersey." "No one will want to fly on these farty blimps ever again!" "And two-seat biplanes made out of wood will remain king forever!" "Plus..." "w-we're in the blimp?" " We're in the blimp." " We're in it." "Using my mentalist powers," "I can read your mind and tell you..." "Did one of you just say something?" "No." " You didn't hear that, either?" " I said no!" "I need to find the source of that growl." "It sounded just like..." "A mummy!" "Und it killed Nazi #1 und Nazi #2!" "Nazis 3 und 4... search the ship." "We've got to find that mummy." "Room service for Mr. Hitler!" "Good one." "How about this?" "We put the bomb inside of his trunk and set the timer for it to go off when they're together?" "But we'll have to be careful." "If we're not, we could definitely, definitely blow this blimp up right before it lands." "You seem to know a lot about things that haven't happened yet." "If I were a time traveler," "I'd have to stabilize a quantum field long enough to open an artificial wormhole." "That's impossible." "You sound like an idiot." "Presto cadabra!" "A gerbil?" "Luckily, I always bring a gerbil-sized bomb, just in case." "Quick, set the timer on the bomb." "I wish I could be there when Hitler sticks this gerbil up his ass." "Up his what now?" "His ass." "Why would he do that?" "Well, I'm assuming it's an ass gerbil." "That's just an urban myth." "No one really does that." "No one owns a gerbil without sticking it up their ass." "Now listen, I may not be a time traveler like you are..." "Time traveler." "...but I get around." "Yeah?" "Perhaps you'd like to get around me... with your arms." "Maybe I could be your ass gerbil." "Not an ass gerbil." "Let's just agree that the proximity would be enough to kill Hitler, ass or no." "I'll distract the Captain while you two sneak in and program the stinky methane gas to be released right before we land." "Word." "Excuse me, Blue Baronet?" "Busy!" "Have to stay focused, Trixie." "These airships explode easily." "Oh." "I was gonna ask for one of your World War I stories, but..." "Well, in that case, stop leaving and start staying." "And while you're at it, listen closely." "I was shooting the bad guys over Bismark... deh deh deh deh deh deh deh deh!" "Deh deh deh deh deh deh deh deh!" "My brother, The Red Baron, was nowhere to be seen, as usual." "You're so brave." "And then I saw a plane to my right." "It was my own flying partner Heimlich, whose grandfather, by the way, invented the Heimlich maneuver." "Pyeow!" "Pyeow!" "Ping ping ping!" "Fly the plane..." "I get it." "War is Hell." "Bye." "Well, tell me, time traveler, are the women of your day as giving of their bodies as the women of 1937?" "Oh, yeah." "Those chicks love to bone." " Hot dog!" " Zippity do da!" "I never thought I'd see the day." "I'll tell you what, airplanes are gonna go the way of the dodo." "♪ Driving the blimp ♪" "♪ Driving the blimp ♪" "Aaaah!" "Well, I'm off." "What?" "But we just made love!" "But the Hindenburg famously bursts into flames right before it lands in New Jersey." "What?" "Sooo, in conclusion..." "goodbye." "Can I come with you?" "Nah." "Oh." "This is the button to release the farty methane gas." "Did you warp the valve to make it sound farty, too?" "Oh, yeah, I warped the crap out of that thing." "Hey, but, Orvy, what if the highly flammable methane catches fire and this blimp explodes?" "Wilbur, we invented the mother f'ing airplane." "This is gonna be tit." "Ugh!" "Ew!" "That blimp just farted." "Not zippity do da!" "Ugh!" "That smell!" "It's like ants!" "Gentlemen, to a rousing success." " Don't push it so hard." " Yeah." "Just a quick click." " Yeah, like a..." " Quick click." "I mean, isn't this your profession?" "This trip has been a disaster." "If what Reggie said is true, then this trip will literally be a disaster." "Too funny." "Die again, Egyptian scum!" "I told you I was magic." "Oh!" "Oh." "Looks like we'll be landing in one minute." "Lots of close calls that most of you don't even know about." "Huh." "Maybe Reggie was wrong about the explosion." "What a day!" "Daaamn!" "Next time on "The Hindenburg Explodes!"" "And now to kill Hitler with this bomb." "Oh!" "Daaamn!" ".srt Extracted, Resynced by Dan4Jem, AD.MMXVI.XII"