"NARRATOR:" "A long time ago, in a country very far away called Russia, there were two best friends that went into space together." " Their names were Belka and Strelka." " (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)" "When they came back, Belka married a brave German Shepherd named Kazbek." "They had a little puppy called Pushok." "Pushok wanted to be a space dog like his mom and dad." "But first he was picked to go on an exciting adventure to America." "Pushok, have you remembered everything?" "Mom, don't worry." "This isn't the first time I've been away from home." "Yes, Belka, Pushok is a big boy." "I know, Kazbek, but I'm gonna miss my little baby so much..." " I can't breathe." " KAZBECK:" "Time to go, son." "Your mom and I are both very proud of you." "Thanks, Dad!" "When I get back, I'll start training to be a space dog, right?" "Absolutely not!" "Being a space dog is far too dangerous." "That's why your Aunt Strelka and I are going back into show business" " with your Uncle Lenny." " Talk about it when you get back." " Have a good time, kiddo." " Mm-hm." " Bye, Aunt Strelka." " Bye!" "Don't take any wooden nickels!" "Tell the Americans nothing!" " Bye, son." " Be safe, darling." "We love you." " I'm gonna miss him so." " He'll be fine." "He's a great kid." " Takes after his aunt." " OK, ladies, time to hit the road." " Fame and fortune await." " We'll see you in two months, big guy." "Have a good time, my little star." "Break a leg." "Well, not really." "KAZBEK:" "You know what I mean." "All right, let's get this party started." "Hit the tunes, Porky." " (CLICK) - (POP MUSIC PLAYS)" " I'm gonna miss them." " Things'll be pretty dull without them." "Or not." "Looks like that beam came from the moon." "We better get back to base." "Come on!" "(WHOOSH)" "(BIRDS TWEET)" "(WHOOSH)" "MALE ENGINEER:" "Moonshot One is on the pad and prepped for go." "FEMALE ENGINEER:" "All indicators are ready for launch." "(COMPUTER CHIRRUPS AND BEEPS)" "Comrade Kesha, are we still receiving that strange signal sent from the surface of the moon?" " It's very weak, but we still are." " And we still don't know the language?" "It's in no language we recognize." "Then it's up to Kazbek to find out what's up there." "Mission Control, this is Commander Kazbek." "Begin systems check." " Launch control..." " (CLICKS) ...is good." "Boosters set to standby." "Signal tracking is online and good to go." "MALE ENGINEER:" "Your flight path will put you close to the green beam." "Roger." "Once I make moon landing" "I will attempt to make contact with the moon rover." "Tell the brass in Moscow if the Americans are behind this," " I'll find out about it." " FEMALE ENGINEER:" "Roger, Commander." " Commencing launch sequence now." " KAZBEK:" "Engines are go for burn." "KAZBEK:" "Six, five, four, three, two, one, ignition." "Rockets to full." "MALE ENGINEER:" "We have liftoff." "Control, I have cleared the launch tower." "MALE ENGINEER:" "Roger, Kazbek." "You are go for the moon." "(ENGINE ROARS)" "(METALLIC CLUNK)" "KAZBEK:" "First stage separation is good." "FEMALE ENGINEER:" "Prepare second stage separation." "KAZBEK:" "Second stage confirmed." "Next stop, the moon." "(BIRDSONG)" "It's a pretty small house tonight, don't ya think?" "Small?" "Small?" "Any smaller and it'd undergo gravitational collapse!" "Oh, how I long for the long ago days when crowds lined up for blocks to see the famous first dogs in space perform family friendly entertainment" " at a reasonable price." " Wasn't that like a month ago?" "Show business is a fickle calling, my friend." "Are the girls ready?" "Good to go, boss." "Then, in the famous words of Vladimir Ulyanov..." "Hmm?" " ...the show must go on!" " Yeah." "(SPOTLIGHT CLICKS ON)" "Ladies and gentlemen, pets, animals, and vermin of all kinds, you are about to experience in this humble venue the absolute towering pinnacle of theatrical stagecraft, for tonight I bring you two stars that have journeyed through the heavens themselves" "and returned to bring you the musical tale of their heroic adventure." "Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Belka and Strelka." " (MUTED APPLAUSE) - (GRUNTS)" " (CICADA CHIRRUPS) - (YAWNS)" " (CLICK) - (MUSIC INTRO)" "# We're lighting' up the sky just like a firework" "# We're sparkling so bright every head will turn" "# Tonight, tonight, tonight" "# We're lighting up the stage just like a spotlight" "# Everybody, everybody get in line" "# Tonight, tonight, tonight" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# Everyone can see we're livin' a dream" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars... (STRIKES)" "(SIZZLES)" "Did you use all the fireworks?" "Um, I wasn't supposed to?" " (LOUD RUMBLE)" " Ohh!" "(SCREAMS)" "(GLASS SHATTERS)" "(SCREAMS)" "Oh, something happened!" "(SCREAMS)" "(GASPS)" ""Come into show business with me," you said." ""Flying rockets through space was too dangerous," you said." "Yes, I am aware of the irony in this situation." "Well, that never happened in rehearsal." " (CLATTERS)" " Ohh." " Ohh!" " (BOTH SCREAM)" " (GROANS)" " Ooh." "Ooh!" "I always wondered why you insisted we wear parachutes under our costumes." "BELKA:" "I've worked with Lenny before." "Everybody, this is Pushok." "Pushok's parents are famous Russian space dogs." "Isn't that exciting?" "Pushok, do you want to play Frisbee?" "I'll go get one." " (YAWNS)" " Hi." "It's nice to meet you." "Let's get something straight." "I'm the big dog around here." " Oui." " You are?" "I thought you were a cat?" " I am a cat, you brainless bunny." " I thought I was a rabbit." " GIRL:" "Pushok!" "Where are you, Pushok?" " Oh, it's Caroline!" "I gotta go." "I'll come back later, fellas, and we can play some more." " RABBIT:" "Who was that?" " That... (GRUNTS) ...is trouble." "Things were fine before Pushok showed up." "As far as I'm concerned, four pets in the White House is one too many, right?" " POODLE:" "Right!" " RABBIT:" "Do you mean me?" "Good boy!" "Good boy, Pushok." "When my dad gets back, I bet he'll come play with us." "Just look at him out there shamelessly frolicking." "That fleabag has no dignity." "It makes me so angry, the frizz is going out of my 'do." "I must call my stylist." "Oh, Pushok, I wish you could stay with us forever." "She'll get tired of us, and we'll all be sold for medical experiments!" " Run for your lives!" " He has a point." "Pushok is clearly becoming Caroline's favorite pet." "We must get rid of him." "(LOUD WHOOSH)" "Mission Control, this is Kazbek." "I am on final approach to a lunar landing." "MALE ENGINEER:" "Everything looks good for landing, Commander." "You are go for Moonfall." "KAZBEK:" "Landing thrusters engaged." "KAZBEK:" "Landing gear deployed." "Ten meters, eight meters, five meters, three meters, two, one, contact." "KAZBEK:" "Control, I am down in space." "I moved over to their... (SIGNAL BREAKS UP)" "FEMALE ENGINEER:" "Commander Kazbek, we are losing your transmission." "Please come in." "Commander?" "Commander Kazbek, can you hear us?" "Commander?" "I think our friend Kazbek has found the source of the beam." "(MECHANICAL WHIR)" "Mission Control, I do not know if you are receiving me, but I am in the rover and moving out onto the surface." "(CLICKS AND WHIRS)" "KAZBEK:" "I am proceeding to the primary target area." "(WHIRS AND SQUEAKS)" "(CLUNKS)" "(CLUNKS)" "(TIRES SCREECH)" "(MECHANICAL WHIR)" "(SQUEAKS AND WHIRS)" "(WHIRS)" "KAZBEK:" "Mission Control, no sign of the beam's origin, but I am detecting some sort of strange energy readings." "I've never seen anything like it." "I, uh..." "Mission Control!" "Mission Control!" "I see something, and it looks like a..." "It looks like a..." "Whoa!" "Mission Control, this is Kazbek in Moon Rover One." "I am in an emergency situation!" "Control, can you hear me?" "Mission Control!" "Mission Control!" "HELICOPTER PILOT:" "White House, this is Eagle One." "We have the president and the Joint Chiefs aboard." "WHITE HOUSE ENGINEER:" "Roger, you are clear to land, Eagle One." "PRESIDENT:" "OK, General, I want a full update about this moon ray immediately." "GENERAL:" "The CIA is prepared to brief you on the situation in the situation room." " We do think the Russian Space..." " PUSHOK:" "Great!" "The president is back." "Caroline will be so excited to see her father." "Oh, boy!" "She said she wanted him to play with us when he got home, but maybe he's too tired after his trip." " (SNIFFS)" " Maybe he has to go to the bathroom." "I sure do." "Ah!" "That's better." "Hey, I know." "I'll go ask him if he wants to play with us." " Pushok, where are you?" " The master has returned." "I better allow him to pamper me or his day will not be complete." "Make way for the president's favorite pussycat." "Meow." "GENERAL:" "We've only picked up garbled signals, sir, but it appears the Russians are definitely involved." "RABBIT:" "Did he say Russians?" "Oh, no, Russians!" "Did you hear that?" " Russians!" " (SOBS)" "We're totally doomed!" "POODLE:" "They went right to the situation room." "RABBIT:" "Oh, no." "Do you think it's a situation?" "CAT:" "Of course it's a situation." "That's the room they have situations in." " OK, is that bad?" " Yes, of course it is." "In that room right now, decisions are being made that will affect the fate of people, animals, countries," " the entire course of history!" " Ahh!" "Why, we could be poised on the very brink of war!" "Oh, no!" "War?" "You know what happens during wars, don't you?" "They bleed rabbits!" "They make them into stews, coats and hats and even socks." "I don't wanna be anybody's socks." "People always lose the left one." "RABBIT:" "Oh, war, what is it good for?" "Absolutely nothing!" "Look, it's a Russian!" "The Russians are coming!" "The Russians are coming, 47 brothers and sisters, and I'm first to go!" " Hey, there." " Ah!" "Save me!" " What's up, guys?" " Ow!" "(SNIFFS)" "Oh!" "Have you guys seen the president around?" " I saw him come in." " (SNIFFS)" "Caroline wants to see if he can play with us." " Huh, what?" " Hey, he's in there!" " I'll get him!" " (YAPS)" " Come back!" " (GASPS)" " What is going on in there?" " PRESIDENT:" "Stop him!" "It's awful!" "Unspeakable!" "Pushok has made a fool of himself in front of the President." " (CROCKERY SMASHES) - (YAPS)" "PRESIDENT:" "Stop him!" "He's taking Jackie's vase!" "(YAPS)" "MAN:" "It's a security breach!" "Call the army!" "Call the navy!" "MAN:" "Call the dog catcher!" "POLICEMAN:" "I'll need your license." "DRIVER:" "Can we talk this over, Officer?" " You parked on my car." " It wasn't marked "No parking."" " (WHOOSH)" " How is your partner anyway?" " Sorry about this whole ordeal." " Huh?" "What the..." "I'll take the ticket!" "BELKA:" "I don't think we'll be giving a repeat performance in that club." "I'm beginning to think letting you talk me into show business was a bad idea." " BELKA:" "Me too." " Where'd Lenny go?" "BELKA:" "I think he's telling Pig we're broke." "Piggy, my boy, it's time to face a very unpleasant truth." "Despite all my hard work, those apples you are eating represent the total remaining hard assets of this production company." "But we must not be downhearted." "We are thespians, and the show must go on." "All we need is one lucky break, one shining piece of good fortune to turn our luck around and get us back on our feet." "(GASPS) That's it!" "In yonder fountain is the glimmer of gold we need to rebuild our fortunes." "Or at least buy me a train ticket out of this dumpy town." " (SPLASH)" " LENNY:" "Brrr, this water is cold." "LENNY:" "You could help." "I'll split the profits with you" " right down the middle." " Huh?" "LENNY:" "I tell you, Piggy, my lad, stick with me." "Fame and fortune will soon be ours." "Well, mostly mine, but I am the brains of the operation." "It's like my grand-rodent used to say." "He said, "Lenny, you'll never truly be a rat until you go into show business."" "(GRUNTS)" "My watch." "Where's my watch?" "Was anyone watching my watch to see where it went?" "You didn't eat it, did you?" "Belka!" "Strelka!" "Call the police!" "Alert the national guard!" "Someone has stolen my watch." "It was a gift from my grandpa." " BELKA:" "But you stole that." " Only to remember him by." "But that's completely beside the point." "What are we going to do?" " BELKA:" "We can help you look for it." " (ENGINE CHUGS)" "A phone." "That's it!" "I'll call the police." "The police love it when rats call 'em." "STRELKA:" "That rat is one weird cat." "Lenny means well." "I've worked with him for years." "That's nice, but I've worked with him for three months, and I'm beginning to forget what food tastes like." "Yes!" "(GRUNTS)" "Hello?" "Can you hear me?" "Is this the police?" "I wanna report a robbery, a grand theft, the crime of the century." "Put out an APB ASA..." " (SQUEAKING THROUGH PHONE)" " MAN:" "All I hear is squeaking." "Is this a joke?" "Squeaking?" "I'll have you know I'm a handsome male rodent with a pleasant baritone." "I should clean your ears out with a plunger." " (COINS JANGLE)" " Hey, looks like I hit the jackpot." "Oh, how I missed you, my golden darling." " (WHOOSH)" " Oh, no, you can't get away." "Wait here, my shiny lovelies, while I collect our little lost lamb." " Gotcha." "Huh?" " (METALLIC CLUNK)" "My money!" "Don't worry, babies!" "Daddy's coming!" "I got ya, I got ya!" "But who's got me?" "Lenny sure is taking his time." "Huh?" "Hey, didn't there used to be a phone booth here?" "I think something fishy's going on." "Maybe he made a collect call." "(GRUNTS)" "(GASPS) Wha...?" "Oh, no!" "Where's my bag?" "(SNIFFS)" "It just disappeared." "Vanished." "Gone." "Oh, no, no." " What was in it?" " Just every bone I ever saved." "Huh?" "Belka, Strelka, where'd you go?" "Where am I going?" "This is not good." "I'm afraid of heights." "Now I'm higher!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Is anybody there?" "I need help!" "Hello?" "I am in the process of being abducted!" "OPERATOR:" "If you'd like to make a call, please check the number and dial again." "I don't think you appreciate the gravity of my situation." "Come to think of it, I never appreciated gravity." "I need help!" "(ECHOES) Lenny!" "No Lennys here." " (GRUNTS) - (METALLIC CLUNK)" "(ECHOES) Lenny!" "I can't believe he's gone." "I thought a bad penny like Lenny" " would always turn up." " (CLATTERS)" " (SQUISH)" " KESHA:" "Keep your eyes open." "Our sources say they were performing somewhere around here." "(MUFFLED) BELKA:" "Remember, Strelka, it's always darkest before the dawn." "(MUFFLED) STRELKA:" "That's because of the lack of sun at night." "KESHA:" "Over there!" "Is that them?" "Yes, that's them!" "Stop the car!" "KESHA:" "No, don't stop." "It looks suspicious." "Go, go!" "Now turn around very casually." "Yes." "We've got them." " STRELKA:" "What?" " (TIRES SCREECH)" "KESHA:" "Halt!" "In the name of the National Space Agency!" "Kesha?" "KESHA:" "So I have found you at last." " BELKA:" "You were looking for us?" " KESHA:" "This is official business." " BELKA:" "Nice doggies." "Good doggies." " (LOW GROWL)" "STRELKA:" "Belka, they have crazy eyes." "Are you space dog Belka, also known as Bella Romanov," " also known as Bella the Magnificent?" " (LOW GROWL)" "Uh, those are my stage names." "You know that." "And you are her friend Strelka?" "Oh, Kesha, it's so good to see you again." "You can help us find Lenny." "Put them in the car!" " (CAR DOOR OPENS)" " STRELKA:" "Hey, quit pushing!" " BELKA:" "What's going on?" " (DOOR CLOSES)" "KESHA:" "We have much to discuss on the way, my former comrades." " Former?" " Former?" "Uh-oh." " Someone save me!" " Um, save us?" "STRELKA:" "Yeah, right, us." "Save us." "Well, mostly me." "(LOUD THUNDERCLAP)" "COLONEL:" "Mr President, we are currently flying over New York and expect to be at the Cape in three hours." " PRESIDENT:" "Thank you, Colonel." " Pushok, look!" "It's the Statue of Liberty!" "I'm so glad Father said we could" " come to the moon rocket launch." " (POODLE GROANS)" "POODLE:" "Is it possible to get seasick in a helicopter?" " (GRUNTS)" " Why are you so clumsy?" " Why are you so fat, eh?" "Tell me that." " Yeah." "Fat?" "I'm not fat." "I have an unfortunate glandular condition." " (SNIFFS)" " And I expect that explains the smell?" "Can I help it if airline food disagrees with me?" "Just be grateful I didn't have a third burrito." "Just look at that." " (GIGGLES)" " Pushok rides in the lap of luxury, while we're stuck in here." "Ew." "(ALL GRUNT)" " Why did we even come on this trip?" " Because of him." " (YAPS)" " Ahh!" "Get back here, you good dog." "I'm convinced the situation with the Russians will give me the opportunity to deal with that pesky fleabag." " Really?" " We talked about this." "With these ears, why don't you listen?" " Deal with Pushok how?" " I don't know yet, but I'll think of something." "(ROTOR BLADES WHIR)" "(WHOOSHES)" "PA:" "All personnel, we are 16 hours from rocket launch." "All visitors are reminded of security protocols and asked to stay in designated areas." "The president and his staff have arrived and are ready for prelaunch briefing." "Thank you." " CAT:" "I get nauseous from traveling." " POODLE:" "And gas." " CAT:" "I have an irritable bowel." " RABBIT:" "More like horri-bowel." " RABBIT:" "I wanna sit by the window." " CAT:" "No!" "CAROLINE:" "Pushok, we're supposed to stay with Dad." "Wow!" "Look at all this!" "This is great!" " Come on, we're going to be late." " (GRUNTS)" "PUSHOK:" "I've never seen so many spaceships in one place before." "PUSHOK:" "Huh?" "Wow." "Oh, boy." " (PANTS)" " CAROLINE:" "Hey, not that way." " Hi." " Euch!" " OWNER:" "Hey!" " (CAMERA SHUTTER WHIRS)" "OWNER:" "Let us go, my dear." "You don't want to get fleas." "(GRUNTS)" " Pushok." " Fleas?" "What's wrong with a few..." "Ah." "That's it, the moon rocket." "Cool!" "SCIENTIST:" "Our plan is basically to land on the lunar surface, and then Captain Chip will locate the Russian secret weapon" " using the new moon buggy." " (GRUNTS)" "PRESIDENT:" "I see." "And how confident are we that Chip can actually find the moon?" "There you are!" "This is exciting!" "Isn't this exciting?" "I suppose it would be if one was not from Paris." " I am French." " Couldn't guess." "I'm Pushok." "What brings you to the coolest place on earth?" " And where are you from, Mr Pushok?" " From the White House." "Huh!" "I live in a house with many colors." "I'm originally from Moscow, but I'm staying with the president's family." "My mom and dad are space dogs." "They're both real famous." "FIFI:" "My mother is a lingerie model for people who dress up pets inappropriately." "PUSHOK:" "My father is on the moon right now!" "FIFI:" "My father is also a lingerie model." " PUSHOK:" "That's... weird." " FIFI:" "We're French." " (ALL GRUNT)" " CAT:" "We're out." "I'm gonna take a look around this place." "Do you wanna come check it out with me?" " Hmm." "Oui." "Why not?" " Great!" "I now have a plan to send that dog one way to the moon." "You're even more diabolical than I thought." "I like that." "PA:" "Space Center visitors are welcome to visit the tourist center." " (SPRINGS CREEK)" " Ha!" "Ha!" "(CHUCKLES)" "I've got you now, Pushok." " Hey, what's that?" " Is this where they train space dogs?" " Oh!" " Let's try it!" "(GRUNTS)" " Come on, follow me." "This is fun!" " Do you think it's safe?" "PUSHOK:" "Sure!" "How hard can it be?" "It's all about confidence." "Being a space dog must take lots of training." "It does, but I've been practicing." "Come with me." " Just try to keep me away." " Ah, I hate puppy love." " FIFI:" "What is this thing?" " PUSHOK:" "It's a flight simulator." "PUSHOK:" "I've been in one lots of times." "Ah!" "Huh?" " (CLICK)" " Power up, engines on, and away we go!" " I always knew I could be a space dog." " FIFI:" "Oh, Pushok, you look so dashing." "You are a natural." "Hmm." "What do we have here?" "Well, Stan, here's another fine mess you've gotten us into." "Hey, I told you to hit the green button, and you hit the red button." "OLLIE:" "What do I know from buttons?" "I'm a monkey!" " (OLLIE LAUGHS)" " Well, it's probably for the best." "Yeah, anyone who gets in a rocket with that crazy Chip" " probably ain't ever comin' back." " Really." "Hey, can you reach the call button?" "This is longest I've ever gone without scratching." "(OLLIE AND STAN LAUGH)" "So it seems the moon rocket could use a new backup crew." "Hmm." "Interesting." " (RATTLES)" " Huh?" "Ahh!" "(RATTLES)" "Ohh!" "Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!" " (METALLIC CLUNK)" " Oof!" "Oh, dear." "(LOUD SCREAM)" "I know I could help my dad if I had the chance." "I don't know, Pushok." "It seems to me flying a real rocket would be much harder and very dangerous." "Of course it is, but that won't stop him." "Pushok has a date with destiny." "Can you keep a secret?" "I happen to know that the president has just announced a new backup pilot for tomorrow's rescue flight, and it's gonna be..." "Hold on a second." "(GRUNTS)" "It's Pushok." "Ooh, how wonderful!" "Huh?" "Did you hear what this strange cat said?" "You have been chosen for the mission." " Shh!" " You can now help find your father." "I have?" "But how did that happen?" "I personally explained to the president how much you wanted to go save your father, and he agreed." "Oh?" "Wow!" "That's great." "Yes, of course he did, but keep it to yourself." "It's all very top secret." " CAT:" "Shh." " Oh, OK, sure." "LENNY:" "Lenny, ol' boy, you gotta stay calm." "You've been in worse situations than this before." "Well, sorta." "At least I'm still alive." "Time for action!" "(GRUNTS)" "Every great rat needs to admit when he needs some assistance." " OPERATOR:" "This is operator assistance." " Operator, hello." "I need to make a rat-to-dog call to either Strelka or Belka." "Tell them it's their old buddy Lenny, and I need a lift home." "OPERATOR:" "Would that be a long distance call, sir?" "Huh?" "Uh, very long distance." "I need help!" "I'm on the moon!" "I've been stolen by aliens or moon men or something!" "They even took my watch!" "I need help!" "I wanna go home or anywhere." "Anywhere but here!" "OPERATOR:" "That call cannot be completed at this time." "What?" "OK." "Thanks, Operator." "I'll try again after I just faint from sheer terror." "OPERATOR:" "Thank you for using the phone company." "LENNY:" "You're welcome." "CAT PSYCHIATRIST:" "Belka, Strelka, you've been brought to me to volunteer for a very dangerous mission." "Are you asking us or telling us?" "Your precious Kazbek went to the moon on a top secret assignment, then we lost contact." " (BLOWS)" " BELKA:" "What?" "What's happened to him?" "We think he was captured by Americans from their secret base on the moon, or perhaps he's working with them." "Do you consider that a possibility?" " Kazbek?" "He's as loyal as it comes." " You think so, do you?" "Kazbek has hijacked the moon rover!" " But why would he do that?" " Don't play dumb with us." "She's not playing." "She really is dumb." "Let us try another approach." "Sign here." " Why?" " I just want your autograph." " TURTLE 1:" "Be careful now." " OK, ready." " TURTLE 1:" "This is a very big bomb." " LENNY:" "Go ahead." "Whoa!" "TURTLE 1:" "You're swinging it a little bit." " Whoa!" " (CLUNK)" "You can't get good turtles anymore." "Ladies, let us come to an arrangement." "Simply consent, as two good patriots, to transport an explosive to the surface of the moon." "And to show our thanks, we could put you back in the spotlight." "Once a star, always a star, no?" "How about a new European tour?" "Perhaps even America." " Can we talk it over with our agent?" " (PHONE RINGS)" "DELIVERY MAN:" "Hello." "Did someone up there order 12 anchovy pizzas?" "Is that the pizza I ordered?" "I have low blood sugar." "You two ladies should consider helping us." "If you do not, things may become difficult for you." "Kesha, I'll go pay for the pizzas." "You look after these two, hmm?" "Thanks a lot. "She's not playing." "She's really dumb"?" "What do you want?" "I was protecting you." "BELKA:" "Oh, whatever." "Please don't try any business that is funny." "I was told to keep an eye on you two." "What lovely eyes they are." "You have movie star eyes." " Really?" " And screen presence." "Well, I did sit by the back screen door all the time" " when I wanted to go outside." " Let me hear you bark." "You know how to bark, don't you?" "Just let it go." " From the diaphragm?" " STRELKA:" "Yeah, yeah." "But first you must find your motivation like a real actor." "What gets you mad?" "Ooh!" "Being disrespected." "It's hard being small in a dog-eat-dog world, you know?" " BELKA:" "I completely understand." " You really like my eyes?" " (ECHOES)" " Aah!" "I've gone blind!" "My beautiful eyes are useless!" "Oh, and there's gum in my hair." "I think I'm being disrespected!" "Guards!" "Guards!" "This is definitely funny business." "You were specifically told not to be..." " (GRUNTS)" " STRELKA:" "What now?" "BELKA:" "I don't know." "I thought you had a plan." "RABBIT:" "This would go faster if I had a shovel." "CAT:" "Just keep digging." "(RABBIT GRUNTS)" " RABBIT:" "Sorry." "Huh?" " (INSECT SQUEAKS AND SCREAMS)" "Well done, men." "This tunnel will come in handy tomorrow." "(CAT CHUCKLES EVILLY)" "PUSHOK:" "The moon looks so close." "I can hardly wait for tomorrow." "I'll find my dad and bring him home." "I just know it." "Oh, Pushok, you are very brave." "Mwah." "FIFI:" "But isn't it dark and scary up there?" "FIFI:" "I heard about the dark side of the moon." "Someone named Pink Floyd talks about it a lot." "PUSHOK:" "My mom told me it's important not to look down, and one should also take gravity and some air with them, and you're weightless, no matter what you weigh." "From here, it is so very beautiful." "It's not the only thing." "Oh, I bet you say that to all the poodles." " PUSHOK:" "No, really, I mean it." " FIFI:" "Oh, how sweet!" " Aw, look at them." "It's so romantic..." " Be quiet!" "This is a covert operation." "POODLE:" "What is it with you and romance?" "RABBIT:" "It's a rabbit thing." "FIFI:" "Will you give me a sign when you are on the moon, Pushok?" "PUSHOK:" "I will if you wave to me from here." "Almost like you and I were, you know," " kinda like boyfriend and girlfriend." " FIFI:" "Oui." " BELKA:" "I think they're looking for us." " STRELKA:" "Ya think?" "(ENGINE WHIRS)" "Let's go." "CAT PSYCHIATRIST:" "Load the bomb carefully." "It's the only one we have." "I keep asking for more bombs, but you know the budget cutbacks." "We must destroy whatever force is up there." "It is unimaginably powerful." "Whatever it is, we cannot allow the Americans to possess it." " TURTLE 1:" "Right." " TURTLE 2:" "Sir." "This bomb must launch with the rocket, understand?" "Uh-huh." "No!" "They can't!" "What's that?" "CAT PSYCHIATRIST:" "There is someone behind that vent." "Kesha, go and see who it is and kindly be quick about it." "Yes, sir." "Hey, it's you!" "(GRUNTS)" " (LOUD THUD) - (GROANS)" " Well, what is it?" " Found them." " I need to lay down for a..." " (GRUNTS)" "Ohh!" "STRELKA:" "This way, in here!" "BELKA:" "Oh, sure, now you've got a plan." "(LOW GROWL)" "(METALLIC CLATTER)" "(SNIFFS)" "(GRUNTS)" "BELKA:" "OK, I've had all the fun I can stand for one evening." "STRELKA:" "Ready to go home?" "How does that sound?" "I'm personally in love with the idea." "Strelka, you know we can't go home yet." "We need to help Kazbek." "What?" "Did I hear you right?" "Is this on?" " You heard them." "He's in danger!" " There's plenty of danger to go around." "Look around us." "Everyone is trying to kill us!" "But Kazbek's in trouble." "I guess I'll handle this myself." "Don't you hate always being right?" "(DOOR SQUEAKS)" " There they are!" " Huh?" "(BOTH GASP)" " Don't just stand there." "Go get them!" " STRELKA:" "Here we go again." "KESHA:" "Mush!" "Andale!" "Follow me!" "I'll get them!" "Come back here, you!" "(LAUGHS)" "The rocket looks even bigger today." "If only Fifi could see this." "PA:" "All systems are go." "Start preparations for the launch." " What are you waiting for?" " Nothing." "It's just that I didn't get to say goodbye." "Say it now. "Goodbye." See?" "Easy." ""Goodbye." "Au revoir."" "Remember, your father is counting on you." "CAT:" "You don't wanna let him down, do you?" "Let's go." "(GRUNTS) I'm stuck." "Whatever you do, don't jump on me." "Ow!" "My irritable bowel!" "(TIRES SCREECH)" " STRELKA:" "Oh, what now?" " Why do you keep asking me?" "KESHA:" "They're trapped!" "We got 'em, boys!" " BELKA:" "Oh, no, you don't." " STRELKA:" "I got ya, Belka." " (BELKA GASPS) - (KESHA GRUNTS)" " KESHA:" "Get off!" "They're getting away!" " STRELKA:" "All aboard." "(RATTLES AND CLUNKS)" " BELKA:" "Strelka, what are you doing?" " STRELKA:" "Improvising." " (LOUD CLUNK) - (TIRES SCREECH)" "Get them!" "They're escaping!" "KESHA:" "We've got you surrounded!" "(CLUNK)" "(THUD)" " Whoops." " (GROANS)" " (SCREAMS)" " KESHA:" "Look out!" " (CLUNK) - (BELKA SCREAMS)" "STRELKA:" "OK, this is not what I had in mind." "(SCREAMS)" " (PANTS)" " Oh." "Huh?" " (PANTS) - (KESHA GROANS)" "(PANTS)" "Oh!" "Ah!" " KESHA:" "Look out, you fools!" " STRELKA:" "Hold on, Belka." "I got ya." "STRELKA:" "Glad you could drop in." " (HORN SOUNDS) - (BELL CLANGS)" "(BELKA SCREAMS)" " Train's early." " Hmm." "(BELL CLANGS)" "KESHA:" "That way!" "They're headed for the launch pad!" " Strelka, that's the rocket up ahead." " STRELKA:" "I can't stop!" "(LOUD CLUNK)" "(MUFFLED BOOM)" "(BOTH GRUNT)" "(BOTH GIGGLE)" "PA:" "Ready to begin final countdown for rocket launch." "BELKA:" "We've got to get on that rocket." " STRELKA:" "Really?" " BELKA:" "Kazbek needs help!" " STRELKA:" "OK." "Here we go again, again." " ...eight, seven, six five, four, three, two, one." "Ignition." "Liftoff." "(LOUD ROAR)" "(KESHA SCREAMS)" "I did it!" "I convinced them to take the mission!" "Ah!" "Why did you not tell me immediately?" "Well, I... wanted to surprise you." "Are you surprised?" "Well done, Kesha." "Perhaps I misjudged you." "Of course, this mission must be kept totally secret," " and you will make sure of that." " Sir!" "Ah!" "Come on, pull." "Ow!" "We made it." "There it is, Pushok, the entrance to the rocket." "That?" "But why don't we just use the capsule's main hatch?" "Um, yes, uh... special security measures." "This is a top secret mission." "Today Earth will be a safer place." "I salute you." "Hurry, it's nearly launch time." "That's it." "In you go." "Wow." "All right, I'm in." "What do I do now?" "Follow the pipes into the rocket, go to the moon and help your father." " You need to hurry!" " Right." "Go!" "Ah!" "He's even sillier than I thought." "Poodle, see that he gets into the rocket and goes." "I am a presidential pup." "I don't do pipes." "You do it." "It's a matter of fitness." "You fit, I don't." "Round peg, square hole, understand?" "But I'm with you in spirit." "(LOUD CLUNK)" "TECH 1:" "Hurry, get this fuel pipe connected!" "TECH 2:" "Right away, sir." "(GRUNTS)" "PA:" "Air compression at 50 per cent." "Begin fueling procedure." "TECH 1:" "Fueling in process." "Tank is at 50 per cent." "(LAUGHS)" "PA:" "Proceed to seal the fuel tanks." " PUSHOK:" "Whoa!" " POODLE:" "Ohh!" "PUSHOK:" "Look out!" "POODLE:" "I must be an idiot to listen to that cat!" " That cat will pay dearly for this!" " (GASPS)" " POODLE:" "Ah!" " PUSHOK:" "Uh-oh." "POODLE:" "I'm getting out of here!" "Every poodle for himself!" "PUSHOK:" "Right behind ya." "PA:" "Five minutes till liftoff." "Astronaut is boarding the rocket." "Good luck to our nation's finest, Captain Chip Armstrong." " (CHIP LAUGHS)" " American ninja!" " I appreciate the appreciation." " (CROWD CHEERS)" "Glad to meet my soon-to-be memento-buying public." "This one's for the ladies." "Oh, yeah, thank you." " Hey, you come to wish me luck?" " Out of my way!" "You're about to become a celebrity space hero." "When you get back, it's gonna be fame, fortune, and product endorsifying, the whole enchilada." "(WHOOSH)" "(SWISHES OPEN)" "STRELKA:" "You know, this food isn't bad." "Near-death experiences give me an appetite." "So the plan is we find Kazbek and take him back to Earth, right?" "Should be simple enough from here." "Huh?" " Is that another rocket?" " What?" "(SLURPS)" "Hmm." "STRELKA:" "Looks like the Americans wanna start a space race." "BELKA:" "They must be after Kazbek too." "CHIP:" "You know, bein' a national hero makes you get philosophical-like." "Why are we here?" "Where do we belong?" "What is the purpose of it all?" "Why is there a dog floating' around my cockpit?" " I'm Pushok." " Nice for you." "Here's the exit." "Please leave." "CHIP:" "I'd hold my breath and aim for Earth if I was you." "I don't think you understand what it is I'm doing here." "I'm your backup, your partner, your number two." "Go outside if you gotta go number two." "Wait, my partner?" "I'm a hero a-solo, compadre." "Well, not anymore, because here I am." "Do you know the first thing about space travel?" " You need a rocket." " (LAUGHS)" "But that was a easy one." "Look, there's only one decider on this mission, and that's me. (CHOMPS)" " Get it?" " Got it." " That's good." "Now make me lunch." " Captain Chip, look there!" "Well, would you look at that." "Someone trying' to horn in on my heroic solo mission." "(LAUGHS)" "(LOUD WHOOSH)" "No one's gonna make a monkey outta Mrs Simian's boy Chip." " Gotta lose 'em." " What do I do, Captain?" "Just do what I say and say what I do." "Wait a minute." "Don't do that." "That would get annoying." "Just pressify that pedal." "Got it." " Huh?" " (LOUD CLUNK)" "(LOUD CLUNK)" "Whoa!" "(LOUD WHOOSH)" " Hey, are those bananas?" "Ew!" " (GENTLE THUDS)" "Hmm." "Don't they know bananas are dangerous?" " Someone could slip on a peel!" " Stop playing." "We have to find Kazbek before anyone else does." "You're right." "It's all up to us." "OK, let's light this candle." "(WHIRS)" " Huh?" " Huh?" "(LOUD WHOOSH)" " Uhh!" " Uhh!" "(WIND WHISTLES)" "(CLUNK)" "Yeah!" "I'm gonna be famous and rich and..." "Huh?" "!" "Ahh!" "(LOUD WHOOSH)" "We can't let them get to the moon first." "Then I guess you better stop driving like an old lady, partner." "(GRUNTS)" "CHIP:" "Oh, man!" "Yee-haw!" "(CHIP CHUCKLES)" "CHIP:" "Whoo-hoo!" "I love my job." "CHIP:" "Should've worn that seat belt." "Yee-haw!" "(CHUCKLES)" "BELKA:" "Look out!" " Huh?" " Oh, no." "Big rock!" "Big rock!" "(TIRE-LIKE SCREECH)" "Don't worry, little space buddy, I got this doggy roped and tied." " Yee-haw!" "Remember the Alamo!" " (METALLIC CLUNK)" "CHIP:" "That had better not have scratched the paint." "STRELKA:" "Uh!" "STRELKA:" "Uh!" "Uh, this is not good." "(METALLIC CRUNCH)" "(BELKA AND STRELKA SCREAM)" "STRELKA:" "Belka, you did it!" "We made it!" "BELKA:" "Next stop, the moon." "# Nobody knows the trouble I've seen" "# Nobody knows the sorrow... #" "(SIGHS)" "Well, at least things can't get any worse." "I knew it was a mistake the moment I said that." "Ah!" "Hey, maybe this is a good thing." "Maybe I can hitch a ride." "Hey!" "Hey, fellas!" "A little help?" "Goin' my way?" "Do a brother a solid?" " LENNY:" "Hey, hey, careful up there!" " (CRACKLES)" "(SIZZLES)" " (CLUNKS) - (LENNY SCREAMS)" "OPERATOR:" "Hello, your number cannot be reached as dialed." "Honey, tell me something I don't know." "Just when you think your day is as bad as possible, aliens." "Hey, what's that?" "Could it be?" "It is!" "My watch!" "My precious watch!" "This is great." "Things are looking up." "I'm coming, baby!" "(GRUNTS)" " (SCREAMS) - (SPLATTERS)" "(LOUD METALLIC THUDS)" "(CHIP GRUNTS)" "Now that's what I call... huh..." "a landing." "Grab your gear, little space doggy." "I'm gonna take a look around." "One small step for a monkey. (GRUNTS)" "Hey, check it out!" "I'm moon walkin'." "(GRUNTS)" "I declare this moon a planet of the apes!" "Monkeys of the Earth unite!" "I know you ain't a monkey, but you can join me." "Yeah, I'm coming." "Just a minute." "I still gotta get my space legs." "Take your time, kid." "Ha!" "These are for the ladies." "Check out the moon, girls!" "(WHOOPS AND LAUGHS)" "Look at the view, smell that air!" "There's no air in space, remember?" "Of course I remember, little space buddy." "I was just testin'." "OK, I want you to stay here and guard the ship." " I have heroing to do." " Yes, sir." " PUSHOK:" "What's that?" " CHIP:" "My baby, Gigi." "CHIP:" "Not biological, of course." "Gigi, meet my sidekick Pushok." "Pushok, meet Gigi." "She's very delicate, like a flower that can shoot ya." " OK, we are off." " Uh, OK." " I expect dinner upon my return." " Like what, Captain Chip?" "Ah, surprise me." "Maybe something with banana." "PUSHOK:" "Yes, sir!" " Whee-ee!" " (CHUCKLES)" "BELKA:" "We made it." "We're on the moon." "STRELKA:" "All right, now the thing to do is take things slow-o-ow." "OK, more careful than that." "Belka, look." "Aren't these the tracks from the moon rover?" "That means Kazbek must be this way." "But, Belka, it's not safe." "We don't know what happened to Kazbek or if he's even..." "Uh, uh, I mean, we need some sort of plan." "If Kazbek is here, then he would find a way to survive." " You know he would." " Belka, be reasonable." "He could be anywhere on the whole moon." "We have no idea where to start looking for him." "We can't just wander around." "I know what my heart feels." "Kazbek is this way, and I'm gonna find him." "OK, fine, have it your way." "I'll follow you to certain doom." "But when we're both dead, I'm never speaking to you again." "BELKA:" "That sounds fair." "If my mom and dad could only see me now." "Well, before this bit with the bananas." "When we first landed." "(WHIRS)" "(DINGS)" "ANCHORMAN:" "In the news tonight, government officials still have no explanation for the mysterious green beam that has stolen many of the world's monuments, though sources suggest Russian agents may be to blame." "Now a word from our sponsor." "Huh?" "Who's there?" "Perhaps the wind?" "But there's no wind in space." "And for my big next trick," "I'll make the moon rover vanish into thin air." " But it should be right here." " And yet it's not." "This is why people don't go around following their hearts instead of maps." "Hearts will get you lost on the moon." "(GRUNTS) Oh, look, a rock." "We found a rock!" "You're not being helpful, Strelka." "Um, hello?" "Is someone there?" "(GRUNTS)" "Captain Chip, is it you?" "Captain?" "KAZBEK:" "Hold it right there." "Don't make a move." "Paws up." "But I have to move a little to raise my paws." "KAZBEK:" "I said don't move!" "KAZBEK:" "I've been waiting for a chance to get the drop on you." "Now where's that robot of yours and what are you doing on our moon?" "Nothing!" "I'm just looking for my dad." "Looking for your father on the moon, huh?" "A likely story." "Turn around!" " Daddy?" " My son!" "Is it really you?" " Pushok!" "But how?" " I'm a space dog now, Pa!" " I came to find you!" " My boy!" "My boy." "Secret weapon, where are you?" "I can't destroy you if I can't find you." "What I need is some sort of clue." "It don't matter how small." "Whoa!" "Howdy, ma'am." "She's a big girl." "Must be from Texas." " Oh, yeah, moon selfie." "Hello!" " (SHUTTER WHIRS)" " This one's front page for sure." " (THUD)" "Ow!" "What is that?" "Whoa!" "What is..." "Hey, time to skedaddle, Gigi!" "Whoo!" "Oh, hey!" "Uh-oh!" "Must be the rainy season." "KAZBEK:" "That alien's definitely around here somewhere." "I've been tracking it since it grabbed my moon rover." "Real live aliens?" "But what do you think they're doing here?" "Probably an invasion." "That's the kind of thing aliens like to do." " Is that an alien up there?" " That doesn't look alien." "It..." "Hey, as a matter of fact, it..." "It looks like it's gonna land right on us!" "(LOUD THUD)" "(GENTLE WHOOSH)" "Don't move." "Don't breathe." "Uh, don't be scared." " How's two out of three?" " Maybe he won't notice us." "(GENTLE RUMBLE)" " (METALLIC CLUNK)" " PUSHOK:" "I think he noticed us." "KAZBEK:" "Uh, hi?" "Uh..." "BELKA:" "Did you hear something?" "STRELKA:" "I thought I..." "Hey, look at this!" "Oh, wow!" "Over there, look." "Oh, my." "STRELKA:" "It's all the missing objects from Earth." "BELKA:" "But why would anybody just dump them all here?" "STRELKA:" "I don't..." "Hey!" "It's the moon rover." "It is!" "That means Kazbek!" "Oh, oh, Kazbek may be down there!" "STRELKA:" "Whoa, wait!" "What if it's a trap?" "I must find Kazbek." "He needs me." "I'm just saying we should take things nice and slow, be a little bit careful." "There it is." "My case!" "That's the one!" "No question about it." "You're right, let's go." "CHIP SINGS ALONG TO RADIO:" "# O Susanna, don't you cry for me" "# I'm drivin' on the moon with a laser on my knee" " BELKA:" "What is that?" " STRELKA:" "Hide!" "# Cos I'm comin' home a hero and you'll throw a party for me!" "Yeah, whoo!" "Moon's a lot bigger than I thought, I'll tell ya." " (RADIO OFF)" " Whoo!" "Hey!" "I think I've found somethin' to blow up." "(CHIRRUPS AND WHIRS)" "Push this little switch here, that comes out, and then I spin this." "Oh, yeah!" "Come on, Gigi, it's time for pop goes the weasel." "There it is." "Time to make the moon safe for democracy." "BELKA:" "Oh, no!" "Kazbek might be in there!" "Hey, you, stop that!" " Whoa!" " Drop the weapon, monkey." " More dogs." "Is there a kennel up here?" " (CLICK)" " Oh!" " (WHOOSH)" "KAZBEK:" "OK, I'm willing to negotiate." "Let my son go, and I'll take it easy... (BOTH GRUNT)" " (LOUD BOOM) - (WHIRS AND CLUNKS)" " Dad, where are we?" " In the alien's lair, son." "This is where he brings everything." "(GRUNTS)" "My moon rover's around here somewhere." "PUSHOK:" "What's it doing with all this stuff?" "STRELKA:" "Why is there even a monkey on the moon?" " That's..." "That's just bananas." " You're barkin' up the wrong tree, dog." "Besides, space dogs are so 1957." "Watch what you say about dogs, monkey boy." "Huh." "Are you two loco en la cabeza?" "What have you done with Kazbek?" " (BOTH GRUNT)" " Let go!" "What's a Kazbek?" "Uh-oh, look." " BELKA:" "What is that?" " (CLUNKS AND WHIRS)" " Whoa!" "This just got real, dogs!" " STRELKA:" "Jump!" " (LOUD THUD)" " My bag." " (MECHANICAL WHIR)" " OK, don't make me go all ape on ya." "Hey!" "You treat Gigi proper now." "She's a lady and not insured." " Take that!" " (CLUNK)" "Hey, where are we goin'?" "Put me down!" " LENNY:" "Hey, watch it!" " CHIP:" "Do you know who I am?" "There it is!" "The hands of time are just out of my reach." "OK, that's it." "No more monkey business." "We're gonna settle this Texas-style, mano a robo." "CHIP:" "Hey, take your stinkin' paws off me, you darn dirty alien." "Hey!" "This is no way to treat a space hero." "What are you doin'?" "Cut it out!" "Hey!" "I'm gettin' dizzy." "Whoa!" "LENNY:" "Uh, excuse me, Mr Monkey, did you say you are a space hero?" "What?" "Uh, hello?" "Hi!" "Pleased to meet ya." "The name's Lenny, and I happen to be in need of a space hero." "Hello?" "Kazbek, are you in there?" "It's Belka." "(GASPS)" "(GASPS)" "(BREATHES HEAVILY)" " Ah!" "Ah!" " Huh?" "STRELKA:" "Hey, you big tin can, get away from my friend!" "(CLATTERS)" "I mean it!" "You do not wanna make me angry." "I can get sarcastic." "Ha!" "That's right." "There's more where that came from." " OK, partner, time to make tracks." " (GASPS)" " You saved me!" " You know I've always got your back." "(SQUEAKS)" " (WHOOSH)" " Whoa!" "BOTH:" "Huh?" "PUSOK:" "I think we know where the alien went." " BELKA:" "Look out!" "Incoming!" " (WHOOSH)" "BELKA:" "This way!" "Hurry!" "STRELKA:" "Oh, no, it's a dead end." "BELKA:" "Wish you hadn't said "dead end."" "This is it, the end of the show." "It's not over until the fat doggy howls." "KAZBEK:" "Yee-haw!" "Leave this tin can to us, ladies." "BELKA:" "Kazbek?" "Strelka, it's Kazbek!" "Let's do this." "Systems to full power." " PUSHOK:" "Power up, engines on." " (CLICKS)" " KAZBEK:" "Targets locked." " That's it, Kazbek." "Show that big bully he picked on the wrong Earth pups." "Ready, son?" " I was born ready." " (MECHANICAL CLUNK)" "(STRAINED WHIR)" "(CLUNKS)" "(BRAKE-LIKE SQUEAL)" "Kazbek, be careful." "All I wanted to do was find my husband and get back home to Pushok." "Why does everything have to be so difficult?" "KAZBEK:" "Hey, up here." "That's right, we have not yet begun to fight." "KAZBEK:" "Give us your best shot, you tin-plated alien menace." "How do you like that?" "You want some more?" " PUSHOK:" "Dad!" " KAZBEK:" "Whoa!" "It's nice we're finally getting to spend some father-son time together, huh?" " (CLUNKS)" " We got him right where we want him." " CHIP:" "We're goin' down!" " LENNY:" "State the obvious much?" "Ohh." "I'm so over the moon." "Hey, do something!" "I am." "I'm falling helplessly to my death." "(CHIP AND LENNY SCREAM)" "(LOUD CLUNK)" "(FIZZLES)" "(METALLIC CLUNK)" "Wow!" "It's so cool." "We won?" " (WHOOSHES)" " Huh?" "(ALIEN CHATTER)" " Dude, how do you glow like that?" " (SCREAMS)" "No, I won't hurt you!" "No, wait, come back!" "Come back!" "Pushok, stop!" "What are you doing?" "Don't worry, Dad." "I'll get him." "No, it's not safe." "Pushok, wait for me." "You don't know where that alien's been." "(GROANS)" " (METALLIC CLUNK) - (GROANS)" "Chip, Chip, snap out of it!" "This is no time for sleepwalking!" "(CHIP GROANS)" " Hey!" " Huh?" "What?" " Look over there!" " Is that the Russian moon rover?" "This is what I've been lookin' for." "LENNY:" "Looks like it's pretty busted up." "But..." "But that was my mission." "I was sent to destroy this here rover, but that robot went and did it for me." "How can I be a famous space hero with no mission?" "I don't know what to do now." "Don't let it get ya down." "These things happen." "After all, you're still the first monkey on the moon." " I can still be rich and famous?" " Oh, absolutely." "That is, if you have the right talent agent." "Hurry up, Strelka, we have to help Kazbek." "STRELKA:" "Just a second." "What?" "Oh, Belka, I found Lenny's watch." "Lenny's watch?" "(GRUNTS)" " How did that get up here?" " That must be why Lenny disappeared." "He must've been grabbed by that robot thing, just like my suitcase." "Then where is he?" "Oh, oh, no." "He's been gone for hours." "And if he was brought up here without a spacesuit, then..." "Oh." "Oh." "Poor Lenny." "PUSHOK:" "Please come back, alien." "My dad just needs to talk to you." " (ALIEN SHOUTS)" " Oh, come on, stop!" "Pushok?" "Wow, Belka, your family sure gets around." "Just stop!" "I promise nobody's going to hurt you." "(ALIEN SCREAMS)" "Oh, no." "Don't worry." "I'll save you!" " PUSHOK:" "Help!" " (ALIEN SCREAMS)" "(BOTH SCREAM)" "(ALIEN SCREAMS)" "(PUSHOK SCREAMS)" "(GRUNTS)" "(GRUNTS)" "(SPEAKS IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)" " (GRUNTS)" " Help!" "(SCREAMS)" " (GRUNTS)" " Thanks." "I know that was Pushok I saw." "He must be nearby." "What do you think, he ran away to the moon?" "That's a bit extreme." "He's here, and we have to find him." "You just don't run into people on the moon." " Whoa!" " (BOTH GASP)" "Hey!" "Well, speak of the devil." "Kazbek, are you OK?" "I was so worried." " So, honey, what are you doing here?" " What is Pushok doing here?" " Did he come with you?" " Uh-uh." "I was just as surprised to see him here as I am to be seeing you here." " Hey, Strelka." " Hey, Kazbek." "Anybody else here I should know about besides you two and the green guy?" "Uh, there's a monkey and a big robot." "Oh, and we located Lenny's watch, so he may be here somewhere." "STRELKA:" "Can we have this conversation a little later?" "I'm trying to drive." " Where is my son?" " I think he's just up ahead." "When we get back, we'll book you on TV interviews, magazine covers, personal appearances." "Did I mention I usually get 70 per cent?" "Aha!" "I see Lenny." "He's with the monkey." " BELKA:" "Grab them." " Got 'em!" "Hey!" "Hey, is this a DeSoto?" "Nice ride!" "I can't believe it!" "Belka, Strelka, Kazbek!" "All of my friends are here." "Oh, I've missed you all so much." "Yeah, Belka thought we'd find you here." "Yes, Strelka found your watch." "I knew you couldn't be too far." " Ooh, I could just jump for joy." " CHIP:" "Please don't." "There's not a lot of head room." " So how did you end up here?" " (ALIEN CHATTER)" "# I'm reachin' out to the sky above" "# Makin' wishes and dreamin' of" "# The day that I'll be with you again" "# The comets and stars flying' by me" "# I wish that somehow they'd guide me" "# I need some help, I really need a friend" "# So please come take me away" "# I wanna go home" "# I've been here too long" "# Help me find a way back where I belong" "# I've been here so long I'm a little bit scared" "# A little bit tired and frail" "# So please come take me away" "# I wanna go home" "# I wanna go home" "# Doo, doo, doo, doo" "# Doo, doo, doo, doo... #" "And then you stole the moon rover and all this other stuff?" "Why?" "(ALIEN CHATTER)" " (COCKS GUN)" " KAZBEK:" "Pushok," " step away from that creature." " Dad?" "Mom?" "Mom, you're here!" " Pushok, you're safe!" " Mom!" " My little boy." " (CLUNK)" " Our brave hero." " Mom, Dad, he isn't dangerous." "He's just a lost alien child trying to survive." "Just wants to phone home, huh?" "A likely story." "(CHATTERS)" "But wait!" "He saved me." "He... did?" " (CLUNK)" " Ow!" " (GUNSHOT)" " Whoa!" "Yeah, yeah, hold it closer, in the Earth light." "I know this may seem like an unhealthy obsession to you, but I don't care." "I just feel so naked without it." "Now we should all get back to the ships." "We're bringing this lost alien back to Earth with us, right?" "That's not protocol." "There's a strict policy against alien species traveling aboard Russian spaceships." "But it's only a child and no child should be left behind." "STRELKA:" "Maybe we can pass him off as a lamp or a nightlight or something." "CHIP:" "Hey, I'll take him back home with me." "CHIP:" "We can do the talk shows." "Wait, that won't work." "He's an illegal alien." "They'd just deport him." " Hey, everyone, I figured it out!" " Huh?" "He was making a signal for his parents to find him!" "Genius." "It's a giant SOS." "But we need to make this a lot brighter to attract their attention." " So we can get him home." " You mean contact the aliens in the hope they save the day rather than destroy the world?" "Kinda taking' a risk." "Not that I'm not all about risk-taking." "Let's do it!" "Send 'em a signal, see what happens." "I've got it!" "We can use the solar batteries on the moon rover to light this whole place up!" "Then what are we waiting for?" "Let's get to work." "(ALL GRUNT)" "(WHEELS SQUEAK)" "Whoo!" "Ha-ha!" " (CHUCKLES) - (HORN BEEPS)" "(SIZZLES)" "Well, that should do it." "Let's give this baby a try." "Yeah." "(ENGINE TURNS OVER)" "Ooh." "What's wrong?" "Is there not enough power?" "The sun is going down." "Without the solar panels, we don't have enough energy." " LENNY:" "We could try again tomorrow." " PUSHOK:" "We can't wait until tomorrow." "We don't have enough oxygen to stay here till tomorrow." " We gotta leave tonight." " Yes." "BELKA:" "We can't just leave him." "Can't we do anything for the poor little guy?" "Ahh." "PUSHOK:" "Yes, we can!" "It's now or never." "(CHATTERS)" " (CLUNK) - (METALLIC CLATTER)" " Careful, son." " LENNY:" "What's Pushok doing up there?" "CHIP:" "He's gone space happy!" "Ohh!" "(GASPS) Ooh." " (GRUNTS)" " KAZBEK:" "Watch it, son." "Get ready to try again, Dad!" "CHIP:" "I see what he's doing." " (GROANS)" " PUSHOK:" "Try it now." "CHIP:" "Genius, partner!" " KAZBEK:" "We have power." "Come on." " (ENGINE TURNS OVER)" "Come on." "(ENGINE TURNS OVER)" " (CHUGS)" " BELKA:" "It's working!" "(CHEERS)" "KAZBEK:" "Well done, my boy." "CAT PSYCHIATRIST:" "So, has there been any contact from the moon yet?" "Well, as yet, uh, no." "Remember, this mission must be kept absolutely secret." "Huh?" "Uh-oh." "Nobody can ever know we were on the moon." "(PANTS)" " Hmm?" " KESHA:" "And nobody ever will." "(NERVOUS LAUGH)" "FIFI:" "Why, look!" "Up there, it's Pushok!" "He has done this!" "It's the sign he promised me." "(SQUAWKS) Is this someone you know, Miss Fifi?" "Yes, he is a famous space dog and my boyfriend." "Long distance relationships never work." "Oh, yeah?" "As you can see, even the moon cannot keep us apart." "Dad, do you honestly think this is going to work?" "I'm sure it will, son." "I wish I could be sure." "Being a real space dog is a much harder job than I thought it was." "You've done fine." "I'm very proud of you, Pushok." " (ALIEN CHATTERS) - (METALLIC CLUNK)" "PUSHOK:" "Whoa!" "LENNY:" "We're gettin' a little high up, don't ya think?" "KAZBEK:" "Everyone follow me." " BELKA:" "Everybody watch your step!" " PUSHOK:" "Hey, this is fun!" "CHIP:" "Whoo!" "Check it out!" "LENNY:" "My watch!" "Did you bring my watch?" "CHIP:" "Don't worry." "I've still got it." " KAZBEK:" "Hey." " PUSHOK:" "What's that?" " (GASPS)" " What's that?" " LENNY:" "My watch!" " (CLATTERS)" "No!" "Seriously?" "After all I've been through." "ALIEN:" "Mama!" "Mom!" "PUSHOK:" "They saw our signal!" "This is awesome!" "(ALIEN SHOUTS)" "Papa!" "Mama!" "Aah." "Two family reunions in one day." " Kinda makes the whole trip worthwhile." " Sure does." "STRELKA:" "Watch the hands, monkey boy." "(ALIEN CHATTER)" "CHIP:" "Wow." "I am honored." "Look." "He gave me a space watch." "LENNY:" "A watch!" "It's for me to replace my old one, and I accept." "My precious." "I wonder what it's worth in Earth money?" "(ALIEN CHATTER)" " Stay cool, green guy." " (SLURPS)" "(ALIEN CHATTER)" "(WHOOSHES)" " (GASPS)" " Fantastic effects." "Aah..." "(SLURPS)" "(MUSIC PLAYS)" "Huh?" "(CAT GASPS)" "CAT:" "I bet this is Pushok's fault!" " (LOUD THUD) - (BLEATS)" "(WATER TRICKLES)" "REPORTER:" "Attention, Mr and Miss America and all the ships at sea." "Flash!" "This news just in." "American and Russian authorities have just announced a peaceful resolution to the recent lunar crisis and promise to work together in a new spirit of international cooperation." " BELKA:" "Don't forget to write, Pushok." " PUSHOK:" "I won't, Mom." "I'll come visit you guys real soon, and I'll bring Fifi." "BELKA:" "Wait." "Who's Fifi?" "KAZBEK:" "Fifi, huh?" "Hmph!" "My little guy's growing up." "CHIP:" "You can all come visit me in America too." "Just make sure to clear it with my new agent." "Right, Lenny?" "LENNY:" "Right." "If you girls are sure you can handle" " going back to the States without me." " STRELKA:" "I'm sure we'll get by." "BELKA:" "We always do, partner." "And we always will." "I wonder what this new watch does." "Hey!" "Uh!" "Huh?" "Whoa!" "(METALLIC CLUNK)" "Whoa, whoa!" "Easy now." "Whoa, whoa, wow!" "This is great!" "To boldly go where no vermin has gone before!" "Yee-hoo!" "# We're lighting' up the sky just like a firework" "# We're sparkling' so bright" "# Every head will turn" "# Tonight, tonight, tonight" "# We're lighting up the stage just like a spotlight" "# Everybody, everybody get in line" "# Tonight, tonight, tonight" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# Everyone can see" "# We're livin' a dream" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# We're lighting' up the room" "# We're startin' to glow" "# We're taking off and shootin' like a lightning bolt" "# Tonight, tonight, tonight" "# Everyone can see we're livin' a dream" "# Everyone can see" "# We're livin' a dream" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# Everyone can see we're livin' a dream" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh" "# We are stars, we are stars, we are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We're lighting' up the room" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# Everybody now" "# Everyone can see we're livin' a dream" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# We're lighting' up the sky just like a firework" "# We're sparkling' so bright every head will turn" "# Tonight, tonight, tonight" "# We're lighting' up the stage just like a spotlight" "# Everybody, everybody get in line" "# Tonight, tonight, tonight" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars" "# We are stars, we are stars" "# We are stars #" "# I'm reachin' out to the sky above" "# Makin' wishes and dreamin' of" "# The day that I'll be with you again" "# The comets and stars flying' by me" "# I wish that somehow they'd guide me" "# I need some help, I really need a friend" "# So please come take me away" "# I wanna go home" "# I've been here too long" "# Help me find a way back where I belong" "# I've been here so long I'm a little bit scared" "# A little bit tired and frail" "# So please come take me away" "# I wanna go home" "# I wanna go home" "# Doo, doo, doo, doo" "# Doo, doo, doo, doo" "# Doo, doo" "# Doo, doo, doo, doo" "# Doo, doo, doo, doo" "# It's gettin' harder and I'm missin' you" "# I wonder where you are and what you do" "# And if you can hear me callin'" "# So I close my eyes till I fall asleep" "# When I wake maybe you'll be here" "# And I'll never be alone again" "# So please come take me away" "# I wanna go home" "# Oh, I wanna go home #"