"Hey." "Hey." "Bad news." "You know, whatever happened to "good morning"?" "Or just letting my ass hit the seat before you start with the bad news." "Are you ready?" "Yes." "Bad news." "Chief says we have to go back on that stakeout." "That's impossible." "How do you figure that?" "Because I'm, I'm watching the playoffs tonight." "And I can't be watching the playoffs if I'm stuck in a car with you for 12 magical hours." "Talk to the man." "Yeah, like that would work." "Damn, I got to come up with something." "Hey, wait a minute." "Didn't Ruben just buy one of those, uh, portable little TVs?" "Yeah." "Maybe I could borrow that." "Hey, stay out of there." "You know how Ruben is, he's very particular about his stuff." "I know." "It's wrapped." "So?" "So, it's a present for somebody." "Could be a present for me." "Put it back, mike." "All right." "You win." "Not mine." "You're gonna take it as soon as I leave." "Yep." "?" "This is modern day America?" "come on, you ready to go?" "What?" "You never heard of dessert?" "It's breakfast, frank, the most important meal of the day." "You heard that, right?" "Yeah." "Well, why is desert traditionally served after meals of lesser importance?" "It doesn't make sense." "Oh, thank you, sweetheart." "Would you bring me a peach cobbler, and don't be stingy with the whipped cream." "You're unbelievable." "What?" "What about that diet you've been talking about?" "I'm still talking about it." "You're supposed to be taking care of yourself, frank." "But I swear, you're putting on more weight." "You know why?" "It's the blood pressure medication." "Oh, that's making you fat." "How big are these pills you're taking?" "For your information," "I'm not supposed to take them on an empty stomach, which means I have to eat." "I'm telling you, it's a vicious cycle." "And what the hell are you staring at?" "There's this kid over there." "Don't look." "I saw him looking at me a little while ago." "And I think I saw him yesterday, too." "He was outside the precinct when I left." "What, like a stalker?" "Just my luck, a guy." "I wish I had a female stalker." "Oh, stalker sex is the best." "They are so into you." "But they're mentally disturbed." "Which is very good with the right kook." "There you go." "Thank you." "He's doing it again." "Hey, you want to take a picture?" "What happened?" "He left." "Come on, can we go?" "Somebody's got to get the check." "Oh my god." "What?" "They got Boston cream pie." "Why wasn't I told?" "Hey." "Hi." "How you doing?" "I'm fine." "Yeah?" "Need anything?" "Yeah, I need good news." "I got some good news." "I'm thinking of buying one of those little TVs." "Men always know just what to say." "Why, what's wrong?" "Nothing." "I'm, uh-- what?" "I'm just, I'm having a really hard time right now, you know, with my kid and my whacked out mother and-- yeah?" "This lump in my breast." "Oh, you're kidding." "I get the results back today." "Oh, Janie, I'm sorry." "Well, what's, uh, when did-- when did you find out?" "I found it four days ago." "I--actually, this guy I've been seeing found it." "We were, uh, we were fooling around, and he, uh-- yeah, well." "Uh, that's the story, anyway." "Wow." "Geez." "So, uh, so who's, who's the, uh, guy?" "The doctor?" "The, um, lump guy." "You're kidding?" "I'm just wondering." "Just get out." "I don't even know why I even bother." "Just go, and don't say anything to anyone." "I don't want you to say a word." "Hey, mike, what's up with Jan?" "Nothing, nothing." "I talked to her this morning, she seemed kind of upset." "Jan?" "Yeah." "It looked like she was crying before." "You see?" "Her eyes were all red, her nose was filled with snot." "Like I need to see that first thing in the morning." "What's up?" "Nothing." "She's--she's got a cold." "Okay?" "Mike." "We got a call." "What's going on?" "We're trying to find out what's wrong with Jan." "Yeah, she has been acting-- shh!" "She has been acted kind of distracted lately." "Well, McNEIL knows what's going on, but he won't tell us." "She's pregnant." "She's not pregnant." "Something to do with her kid." "What are you doing?" "Guessing." "Stop, all right?" "It's a secret." "She told me." "I'm not telling anybody else." "Are you kidding?" "You can't keep a secret." "Yes, I can." "Yeah?" "Remember that time when I had that wart on my thing, huh?" "Remember that?" "You told everybody." "You had a wart on your thing?" "I didn't tell anybody." "You have genital warts?" "No." "Is that contagious?" "I don't know." "But I shook hands with him this morning." "Hey, pip?" "One wart, one time." "Damn." "You should have kept your mouth shut." "Sucks." "Yeah, not as much as this Tv, man." "I can't believe Ruben paid for this thing." "I can't believe you unwrapped it." "Yeah, well." "I think I might have screwed up with Jan this morning." "Hey, just between us, man, what's the deal with Jan?" "Forget it." "Come on, mike." "No." "Mike?" "Mike!" "Look, if it's serious, you have a moral obligation to tell me." "You think?" "Yeah." "Well, all right." "But if I tell you, you got to promise me you're not gonna tell anybody else." "I promise." "Cross your heart?" "Yeah." "Okay." "If you do tell anybody else, then I'm gonna make something up about you and tell the whole squad." "And genital warts will be the least of your worries." "She's got a lump in her breast, and she gets the test results back today." "Damn." "Yeah." "Oh, poor kid." "Yeah, it's pretty serious, man." "Central to Two One squad." "Two one, go ahead." "Got an urgent message for Detective Phillips from his wife." "She needs you to pick up sanitary napkins before you come home." "She says you know the brand." "Copy that." "What?" "I'll tell you what?" "You run your little errand, and I'll walk back to the squad and talk to Jan." "You can't do that." "Why not?" "You know the rules." "There has to be two detectives in the squad car at all times." "Yeah." "But the next paragraph in the rules reads, unless one of the detectives is planning on buying tampons." "You're not gonna believe it." "What?" "That kid's out front again." "Oh, your boyfriend?" "It ain't funny, frank." "He followed me here." "Well, what are you gonna do about it?" "I'm gonna confront him." "I'm gonna tell him, if I see him again," "I'm gonna kick his ass." "Good boy." "Hey." "You want to have dinner today?" "Yeah." "I figure, you know, you want to be with a friend, whether it's good news or bad news, right?" "The doctor called me." "He said, uh, he wants me to come down to his office, which can't be good, right?" "That's really strange." "If it was good news, he would have just told me on the phone." "Well, I don't think that's necessarily true." "I wouldn't overreact to that." "'Cause it may just be the way he does things, you know?" "Yeah?" "You know, my, uh, my mother raised us with a pretty crappy world view." "She turned us all into optimistic pessimists." "Which means what?" "It's, basically an Irish point of view." "You know, we expect the worst to happen, we look forward to getting it over with." "Well, that's a nice little gift she gave you." "Well, it is, actually, if you think about it." "Now, just think about the situation you're in." "What's the absolutely worst case scenario?" "That the lump in my breast is malignant and I have to lose my breast, but the cancer still spreads to my brain and my lungs and my liver, and I die in six weeks." "Oh my god, this is a great job you're doing of cheering me up." "That wasn't what I meant." "Hey, let me ask you this." "You're gonna tell me, right?" "What?" "Who the guy is?" "Oh my god, Michael." "You're like a dog, trying to get a bone." "I'm just a concerned friend." "It's bobby." "Bobby from downstairs, bobby?" "Mm-hmm." "You got to be kidding me." "What are you, nuts?" "He is a very nice person." "Who happens to have a live-in girlfriend for the last two, three years." "Do you know what you are?" "You are just pathetic." "You know?" "I can't have any happiness, right?" "So I'll see you at 6:30?" "Damn." "McNEIL, two one." "Mike, bad news." "What?" "Our car got stolen." "What?" "I was in the store, buying the you know whats." "You're unbelievable." "You know, if the-- if the chief finds out, it's both our asses, you know that?" "You know what?" "You're gonna pay for Ruben's little Tv." "Look, just get down here, okay?" "I got the walkie on point to point." "Bring down the portable." "Maybe whoever's in there will call us back." "How is it that when your wife has her time of the month," "I'm the one who ends up suffering?" "How is that possible?" "Look, just get down here, okay?" "I'm on 81st." "All right, see ya." "Okay." "Who stole my television?" "You sure you left it in your desk?" "I know exactly where it was." "I'm very particular about my stuff." "So I hear." "Nobody saw anything?" "Frank?" "Whatever it is, no." "Al?" "Mike?" "Why you asking me?" "I'm asking everybody." "Mm-hmm." "But you're asking me with a different tone, and I don't like it." "Okay, I'm just asking." "Why don't you try tommy's desk?" "He's always taking stuff." "Well, it better turn up." "It's a birthday present for my brother, and the party's tonight." "All right." "You sure you didn't see anything?" "Again, the tone." "Hey, did you see my television?" "No." "How'd it go, you kick his ass?" "Who's ass?" "Tommy's got a stalker." "You've got a stalker?" "I guess the recession's hitting everybody." "Ball bag." "So I spoke to the kid." "Yeah?" "Turns out, he ain't stalking me, he's stalking you." "You're kidding me." "Why would he be stalking me?" "Maybe he's doing a study on really big pants." "That's funny." "Shut up." "What are you yelling at me for?" "He said it." "Yeah, but you're laughing." "Why is this kid following me around?" "Because, he's your son." "What?" "Yeah." "Name's Doug, lives in Seattle." "Ring any bells, dad?" "You have a son?" "Is he down there now?" "Yeah." "Excuse me a second." "You got any smokes?" "Yep." "So, Seattle, huh?" "Yeah." "Mariners fan?" "Not really." "Gay?" "No." "I didn't think so." "Not with my genes calling the shots." "Speaking of genes, sorry about the weight thing." "No problem." "Sit down." "Actually I, I feel pretty good." "Been on a diet the last six months, lost 80 pounds." "Eighty pounds?" "That's a couple second graders." "Good for you." "So, um, what happened?" "What do you mean?" "With you and my mother?" "Oh." "That was a long time ago, I was a kid." "You know, just about your age now." "We met in a bar, you know, it's" "I was a big drinker back then." "Anyway, you know how it goes, we ended up in bed, and a couple months go by, and, she tells me she's pregnant." "Well, I wasn't ready for that." "Meaning me?" "Yeah, yeah." "I mean, I told her I'd go with her, I'd hold her hand," "I'd pay for the whole thing." "But she was totally against it." "It-- meaning abortion?" "Yeah, well, now you're making it sound bad." "You get a lot of rain out there in Seattle?" "You have a stolen police department vehicle." "If you hear me, please respond." "Yeah, right." "Where are you?" "I'm in the car." "Where?" "Are you really a cop?" "Yes." "Look, just bring the car back to where you took it, there's no problem." "I want money." "I'll give you five dollars." "I want 10,000." "I'll give you seven dollars." "You know what?" "Bring the car back now, okay?" "We're not gonna negotiate anymore." "Bring it back now, or we'll hunt your ass down." "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Hey, hey." "Get back here, you." "Get back here, you kids." "I told them I could drive." "They didn't believe me." "Where's my seven bucks?" "I thought it was five." "Unbelievable." "Here." "Here's six." "Go home." "Criminal." "Six bucks." "You believe that kid?" "Oh." "Hey." "Is this your son?" "Uh, yeah." "This is my son, uh, Doug." "Oh, hi, I'm Jan." "Hi." "Oh wow." "Well, get together there." "What are you doing?" "I'm gonna take a picture of you." "You want a picture of the two of you together?" "No, no, that's okay." "I, I'd like one." "Yeah, of course." "Here you go." "Oh, maybe we'll just take two so you could both have one." "No, I, I don't need one." "Well, you two have a nice visit now." "Yeah." "Thanks." "Hey, uh, sorry to hear about, uh, your health problem." "Excuse me?" "Your--your lump." "Yeah." "Who told you that?" "Ruben told me." "And how did Ruben know?" "Well, pip called in to tell him." "Oh." "You guys are worse than women." "I can't believe you wanted to abort me." "Oh, you're back to that again?" "Forgive and forget, kid." "You ever hear of that?" "Let it go." "Hey, what's going on?" "Mike, you have got to listen to this." "To be so small, the sound is incredible." "What, he bought one?" "No, I did." "But, you already have-- yeah, but pip told me that one was a piece of garbage." "So I ran out and found this one." "It's incredible." "Bigger screen, stereo surround, and the reception?" "Look at that." "Clear as a bell." "It's got dvd." "Nice." "I guess he told you that I borrowed this." "Yeah, but it's cool." "It all works out." "I got this one, you keep that one." "Just give me, um, just give me 90 bucks and we'll call it even." "No, no, no, no, no." "No." "This is a piece of crap." "What am I gonna do with this?" "Watch the game?" "I don't know." "You might want to unwrap it first." "You guys are really funny." "Hey, Jan." "Did you hear anything about your lump?" "What lump?" "You have a lump?" "Yes." "I have a lump in my breast." "My left breast." "That would be this breast." "Are we all up to speed now?" "What are you getting so mad about?" "At least you don't have genital warts like pip." "I had one wart, one time." "Did I ask you not to say anything to anyone?" "Yes, yes, you did." "But, I, but, this is the thing." "They kept asking me, okay?" "And I, I don't know, I had a kind of like a moral-- what do you call it?" "Dilemma." "Yes, I had a moral dilemma." "Because I can lie to anybody about anything, you've seen me do that." "But this was different." "And the--it was, like, I don't know." "There was a disease involved, it was a life and death situation, and the truth won out." "It--it was bigger than me." "That's good." "I'm working at the second largest bank in Washington state, and my boss seems to like me." "He's already talking about some kind of promotion." "Look." "You're a nice kid, and you turned out real good." "That guy your mother married?" "Steve." "Yeah." "Steve did a real good job raising you, much better than I could have ever done." "But I don't know what it is exactly that you're looking to get from me." "But whatever it is, I don't have it." "I, I don't think that's true." "Open your eyes, kid." "Look at me, I'm a mess." "I eat too much, I drink too much." "What kind of influence would I be on a kid?" "Hell, I'm a kid myself." "I'm a baby." "A giant baby." "Do you feel guilty for leaving us?" "Is that the problem?" "No." "No, I don't feel guilty." "Why the hell should I feel guilty?" "I did the right thing." "You turned out a whole lot better than you would had if i'da stuck around, trust me." "Sorry I bothered you." "Goodbye." "Doug, wait." "Someday you'll see I did the right thing." "But don't ever think, not even for a second, that I don't love you, because I do." "Now get the hell out of here, and tell your mother I said hello." "I knew everything was gonna be okay." "I just, I don't know, I had, I had a feeling." "Mm, you don't know." "This made me look at everything differently." "Me too." "Really?" "Yeah." "Oh." "I mean, I had to think about the really tough stuff today." "Well, me too, okay?" "I told you, it made me think about stuff." "Like what?" "Like, you know, like big stuff." "Like, you know, mortality and life, death." "You know, I, what if, what if I dropped dead tomorrow?" "And, you know, you and me never hook up." "So your deep thought was, what if you never got in my pants?" "You know, I'm, I'm trying to be here for you, and, and you're making it kind of hard." "And why is your ego more important than my cancer?" "You don't have cancer." "I could have had it." "And I could have played for the rangers, but I don't." "So, don't try to play the cancer card here, 'cause it's just not gonna fly." "You know, as much fun as I'm having here this evening," "I think I have to go before I rip your throat out across the table." "Where you gonna go?" "You gonna--you gonna go see bobby from downstairs?" "Bobby from downstairs and I broke up." "Oh really?" "Yeah." "I asked him about his girlfriend, and as he was denying it, she showed up." "Sorry about that, that sucks." "There you go." "We don't take that card, sir." "Huh?" "That's the, that's the only card I have with me." "We accept cash." "Okay." "You know what?" "I'm, uh, I'm all tapped out." "I had to buy that Tv from Ruben." "No, I mean, I'll pay you back." "What?" "This is really the perfect ending." "I think I have cancer, so you wreck my relationship, take me to dinner, say all the wrong things, and now you're gonna leave me with this bill." "We got to do this more often." "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "And how, how did I wreck your relationship?" "I" "thank you." "You're welcome." "Do you want to come home with me?" "Really?" "No." "Have a good night." "Thanks." "Why don't you move the thing around, huh?" "You might get some reception." "What does it look like I'm doing?" "Find it on the radio, man." "You're getting on my nerves, now." "I need, like, an open space." "Could we drive down, like, a couple of blocks." "This is the building we're supposed to be watching, remember?" "Well, we'll watch a building down there." "Forget about it, okay?" "You're here for 12 hours, so just deal with it." "I must have busted it when I dropped it." "Wait, I got something." "Look." "Oh yeah." "Oh yeah." "Yeah, I think I see a ball." "Well, I hope not." "It's a hockey game." "Oh, man, that's-- that's Seinfeld." "What?" "Look." "There's Kramer." "That ball was George's head."