""South Park:" "S16E06" "I should have never gone ziplining" Original air date 18 April, 2012" "?" "I'm goin' down to south park" "?" "Gonna have myself a time" "?" "Friendly faces everywhere" "?" "Humble folks without" "?" "Temptation" "?" "I'm goin' down to south park" "?" "Gonna leave my woes behind" "?" "Ample parking day or night," "?" "People spouting, "howdy," "?" "Neighbor"" "?" "I'm headin' down to south park" "?" "Gonna see if I can't unwind" "?" "Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr" "?" "Mff mrmmph!" "Murpph mmmph mmph" "?" "Mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph!" "?" "So come on down to south park," "?" "And meet some friends of mine" "Kyle,Kyle,Kyle!" "FouryoungboysinColorado, are on a trip from hell." "Ahhh,I can'ttakeit!" "Somebody help us." "Trappedinan unforgiving mountain wilderness with no way out." "Ahhh." "Thefourthgradersare ina  nightmare they can not escape." "Wewerestuck, we were completely stuck." "Kyle,hurry!" "Kyle,wakeup ,yougot to wake up, Kyle!" "Thefourelementaryschoolboys , an ordinary day becomes a descent into madness on tonight's episode of" ""I should have never gone ziplining."" "Help,we'retrap." "We have to get out of here." "It'sthelastday ofspringbreak ." "and all over the small mountain town of South Park students are trying to have as much fun as possible." "For 10-year-old Stan Marsh and his friends Kyle, Eric and Kenny, the last day has come too soon." "Wereallyspentthe whole spring break watching TV and playing Xbox, you know." "So, we wanted to go out and do something really adventurous." "Wecango to thecitypool  they have a water slide." "NoI 'mnotgettingintothe pool with Kenny he has herpes." "What?" "Lookathislips." "You've got herpes, dude." "Idon'thaveherpes." "It's a cold sore." "Yeah,coldsoreiswhat  girls call it Kenny." "It's actually herpes." "Comeonguys,the day iswastingaway." "What would be something really cool we can do." "Andthenlike,out ofnowhere somebody came up with the idea of ziplining." "Yeah,zipliningthatcouldbe really cool." "We'vedefinitelynotdonethat before." "Ithink,thereisa place just outside of town." "I will see if my Uncle Jimbo will drop us off." "Cool,ziplining." "Ziplining." "Hellya ." "Within30minutes, the boys are getting a ride to the ziplining outfield from Stan's uncle Jimbo." "Wewerein agoodmood , just joking around you know, mostly aking fun of Kenny's herpes." "SeeKenny,youhaveherpesdude." "I almost touched it" "Didyouhearthatguys ." "Kenny says it's just a fever blister." "You sound like a chick, Kenny." "That's herpes, dude." "You have that until you die." "It'stheidealspringbreakgetaway with friends and laughter." "Hey,youguysherefor the 2:00 o'clock ziplining tour." "Ya." "Alright." "Let me get you some helmets and some gear and we'll get up there and hit that fresh nar nar." "Andsotheyput usin these harnesses and helmets." "I" " I think that's when we started realizing" ""Oh, wow." "This is actually pretty dangerous."" "Alright." "Youguyslookreadytozipline." "Ya." "Okay,justfollowmeto the waiting room and we'll have you take a seat with the others." "Andwewerelike,"Others."" "We have to do with this other people." "Hi,there." "Hello." "Hi." "Theboyshavejustmade  a sobering discovery." "For 10-year-old Stan Marsh, the realization that he will be with a tour group has caused his adrenal gland to slow down." "The average human acts a certain way when surrounded by friends and family." "But in a tour group the brain has to work overtime acting nice and pretending to care about people on the tour." "Hey,howareyou ?" "Good,howareyou ?" "So,thenwe sittherefor like 30 minutes." "Because we have to wait for this couple who is running late." "Alrightourlastzipliners are here." "Sorry,wemadeyou waiteverybody." "InsideKyle'smouth the muscles contract to force a smile." "Even though in his brain, Kyle is thinking, "Dude" "**** You." "Wedon'tmind." "Noweveryonewasthere,we thought things will start getting fun but that's when we had to watch this safety video." "WelcometoBackcountryAdventures." "Hey, there, Michael." "Heythere,Michael." "[Laughing]" "ItwasIdon 'tknow10maybe  15 minutes of pure hell." "[Laughing]" "Oh,anddon'tforgetto take in the nar." "Back to you, Michael." "Thanks,Michael." "Anybody have any questions?" "No." "Ihaveaquestion." "Could we review the best ways to hold the rope again." "Really,you'regoingtomake  us listen to it again, because you couldn't understand, really?" "Let'sgetoutthereandgetzipping." "JesusChrist." "Finally." "Theboysthinktheirordealisover." "But what they don't realize is that things are about to go from bad to worse." "Herewego ,guys." "Ziplining." "Everyonejuststeponintheshuttle." "Shuttle?" "How,howlongdowehaveto take the shuttle." "It'sabout45 minutes." "It'sa devastatingblow." "For Kyle it's almost too much to bare." "His brain is already lacking excitement." "And now just the word "shuttle"" "makes Kyle's brain fire neurons that bring up memories of just how lame shuttles can be." "Well,comeon we don'thaveachoice." "Alright,guysshouldbeabout 45 minutes to the freshest nar nar." "Why don't we go around the van to get to know each other a little bit." "That'sokay." "Mynameis PeteKnickelsand this is my wife Donna." "And to make a long story short we came out here to see our relatives living down in Moab." "They have lived there about 20 years now." "And long story short, they told us that as long as we're in the rockies we should try ziplining." "So long story short we looked around in the newspapers, on the internet, on billboards, and you know-- make a long story short we found this company and thought we'd give her a try." "So, then we called and made a reservation and that's when, you know--- long story short-- we just-- Aah!" "It'salmost3: 00o'clock." "and the boys are still on the shuttle." "We'regettingclose." "You guys getting psyched?" "Butwhattheboysdon'trealize is that a massive storm is brewing." "Last night Eric Cartman had" "Kung Pao spaghetti from California pizza kitchen." "Inside his stomach the Kung Pao has just met with the Del Taco he ate for breakfast." "It has already started to tear down the layers of the barbecue BK toppers that had been building up for months." "And now, to compensate for all the annoying tourists," "Eric is ingesting massive amounts of Mountain Dew." "The caffein and sugar turns the soupy fast food liquid in his stomach into a toxic gas." "When the gas is released, it carries with it tiny particles into Eric's fecal matter." "Fecal matter which floats up and into Kyle's nasal passage." "Dude,didyoufart?" "No." "Alright,guys." "We're here." "ThankGod." "Alright, here we are." "Lookslikewe 'vegot some good nar to zipline through today." "Before we climb up and start ziplining does anyone care to know about these trees' biology." "Thetrees'biology." "We'rerunningalittlelate butif anyone really wants to know -- we can take a few minutes." "Ithinkwe 'regood." "Iwouldliketoknow about the biology of the trees." "Okay,wellthisisa ponderosapine." "It covers a more extensive area than other Americ" "Soafterassholegetshis biology lesson we finally get to go ziplining." "Alright,rememberto keepyourhands clear of the cable and just let your equipment do the work." "Now when you're about half way down the zipline the cameras gonna take your picture." "So when I call out "shaka bra"" "look up and give the camera a nice shaka bra." "Alright you ready?" "Ya." "Readytodo somezipping?" "Ya." "Alright,let'shearyou say zipline." "Zipline." "Shakabra." "Woohhoo!" "Alrightnicezip ." "Well,howwasit, Cartman." "Totally* ***ingstupid,dude," "Oh,really." "Ya,dudeit 's** **ingboringasshit ." "AlrightCarl,givemea zipline." "Zipline." "Shakabra." "Itwaslikehavingthelife sucked out of you." "That's all it is sliding down a cable." "Maybe without a tour group it would be kind of fun, maybe." "But, this is just a complete disaster." "Aftera grueling20 minutes waiting for everyone else to ride the zipline the boys realize they have just wasted hours of their time." "And that is when the unthinkable happens." "Alrightguyslet'sget moving." "Only ten minutes to our next zipline." "Ya!" "Thenextzipline, what are you talking about?" "Excuseme,we 'renotgoingback , are we done." "Thisisaziplinetour we have sixteen more to go." "Itwaslike,wham." "No,no,no ,no !" "Everyonebackin theshuttle." "Theboysrealizethattheir ziplining nightmare has only just begun." "Aaahhh!" "Anyonehavequestionsaboutthecreek  we're about to cross." "Yes." "Aaahh!" "Letherrip!" "Zipline!" "FouryoungboysinColorado are on a trip from hell." "Ziplineupherewecall itthe Terminator." "Ahh!" "Trappedinan unforgiving mountain wilderness with a tour group." "Butyouknowtomake alongstoryshort" "I woke up this morning." "Couldyougetanotherpicture of us?" "Ahhh!" "Thefourthgradersare ina  nightmare they cannot escape." "I* ***" "Woohh!" "Nicezip." "Alright,you'regoingnext,Ricky." "Help,help!" "Somebody,somebodywe 're trapped!" "Somebodyhelpus !" "It'snouse." "There is nobody around for miles." "Therecouldbe ahelicopter." "Maybe one will fly over head." "Faceit,Stan,nobodyis coming for us." "Weshould'veneverlistened to you, Cal." "Me." "Yayou,in theparkthis morning." "Let'sgozipliningwehaven't done that before." "Ohno,don'ttry topinthisonme." "You're the one who brought it up." "Ibroughtit up becauseyou  already brought it up." "That'swhenIrealized nobody remembered, nobody remembered it was me who came up with the idea to go ziplining." "Me." "Youfatpieceofshit ." "Guys,doesit reallymatter whose idea it was?" "Yes." "Alrightwecanmakeit,youguys." "we can't panic." "If the four of us don't zipline the tour will move faster." "Wearegonnamakeitoutof here, okay." "Butwhattheboysdon'trealize is that Eric's body is already shutting down from stage four diarrhoea." "Inside his stomach, bile has just dislodged in arbie's ultimate angus." "In the average human this would only have caused mild diarrhoea." "But Eric cartman is now drinking" "Double Dew." "A Mountain Dew product with twice the sugar and caffeine of regular Mountain Dew." "His **** feces is now rapidly converting to a thick paste." "The diarrhoea shoots out of" "Eric's anus and into his underwear." "Eric Cartmen is a ticking time bomb." "Dude,didyoujustshit your pants." "No." "So,I justtriedtokeep thetour group moving as fast as possible." "Alrightguythisisiswhere  we're gonna break for lunch." "Come in by the waterfall gang." "Oh,no." "Could we skip lunch and keep going." "Skipa freelunch?" "Not me." "Whowantssandwiches." "We got turkey." "Ham." "Turkey ham." "Longstoryshort" "Oh,youguysseriously, something is wrong in my tummy." "Thenstopdrinking Double Dew, fat ass." "ThisisdietDoubleDew, Kyle  it only has half the caffeine and sugar of Double Dew." "Ihaveto gettothebathroomfast." "You'reintheforest." "Go take a crap." "IfI crapin thewoods, the blood will attract beavers, Kyle." "Hey,I 'msosorrybut  we have an emergency." "Our friend is really, really sick." "Ohyoumeanthe littlekid with the herpes?" "Ya." "That'snotherpes,it'scold sore ." "Right,sorry." "Yeah,hiscoldsoreisreallybad and he's losing blood." "So, we gotta go." "Geezsorrydude, But we're at the summit." "The only way down is to zip down." "Whataboutthestables." "Thestablesthereisa ranch past the hill that rents horses." "I think they can get you back." "Suddenly,Stansaysheknows about some horse stables." "It seemed too good to be true." "Letmegetthisstraight." "You want four horses one for each of you." "Yes,please." "Ithinkwe canset you up." "ThankGod." "See, guys this is gonna be sweet after all." "Stepouthere." "We will get you going." "Gotfourmorefor you ," "Duncan." "Hi." "No!" "FouryoungboysinColorado are on a trip from hell." "Ahh!" "Trappedinatourgroupon horseback that is only allowed to travel four miles an hour." "Canweplease,please, please." "Gofaster." "Wegotsomelunchsetupfor  you up ahead." "Some turkey sandwichs and diet Double Dew." "Oh,no." "So,longstoryshortIwas born in 1953 at 6:00 in the morning." "Anattemptto makeabadday better becomes a descent into madness on "I should have never thought horseback riding would be any better than ziplining."" "Thisherewaterfalliscalled" "Heartbreak Falls." "Would you like to know why it's called Heartbreak Falls." "Icertainlywould." "Ya." "Kyle,Kyle,Kyle." "Come on wake up." "Justgo,go withoutme." "No,we'renotleavingyouhere, Kyle." "Ican'ttakeitanymore." "Why do people say "long story short."" "They're not making it short, Stan." "IjustsattherewatchingKyledie." "I wanted to tell him the truth right then and there but then a fire rose up inside of me." "I thought I can find us a way out." "I ran off and went searching for" "I don't know how long, 12 minutes." "and that's when I found it." "Youguys,getup." "Listen to me." "There is a lake a hundred yards down that way." "There is a marina with boats just sitting there." "Amarina." "Wecantakeaboat ,youguys." "We can probably take it all the way back to Fairplay." "What'sthepoint?" "Comeon,youguys." "A boat all to ourselves." "It could be fun." "What could possibly go wrong." "Thefollowingprogram contains graphic re-enactments that maybe disturbing to some audience members." "FouryoungboysinColorado are on a trip from hell." "(Yelling )." "Trappedona42-footpower boat which is only allowed to go 5 miles an hour." "Becausewekeepgetting screwed over by your diarrhoea." "It'snotmy diarrhoea'sfault you took us all ziplining." "You ****ing jew." "Zipliningwasyouridea,fatass." "Thefourthgradersare ina  nightmare they can't escape." "Kennywhoseideawas itto go ziplining mine or Kyle's." "Idon'tknow,Idon'tgivea shit ." "Forfourelementaryschool boys an already tragic day becomes a descent into madness on" ""I should have never gotten on a" "God damn boat."" "Boat!" "Ohno." "You'renot thinking of the entire boat." "you'retakingthecrapoff the side into the water." "Ahh!" "AftercleaningCartman's diarrhea and fightings off beavers the boys have made a terrifying discovery that boating is just as boring as ziplining." "Theboatwentreallyslow and it just went around and around." "Ahh!" "Iftheboysfallasleepnow from the lack of excitement." "They could die." "Here,everyonedrinksome" "Mountain Dew." "Idon'tknow." "I thought if we all drank the" "Mountain Dew the caffeine and sugar would help us stay awake." "I told Cartman "You've to share it."" "I'mnotsharingwithKenny." "He has herpes." "FouryoungboysinColorado are on a trip from hell." "And just when it seems it can't get any worse" "Kenny." "Kenny!" "KennyMcCormickhasdiedofboredom." "OhmyGodtheykilledKenny ." "Bastards." "No,notthey." "You ." "Look what your ziplining has done." "You killed Kenny you're the bastard." "Itwasn'tmy idea." "Itwasyours ." "You killed Kenny, you bastard." "FinallyI couldn'tholditinanymore." "I said, stop it." "Stopit!" "It was me." "My idea." "You?" "FourdaysagoIcame acrossa brochure for ziplining." "Ithoughtit wouldbefun." "I only acted like it was an idea we all came up with together." "So,youintendedfor ustogo  ziplining all along." "Why, Stan?" "Ifyousignupthreefriends you get a free iPod Nano." "Yousoldus outfor aniPod" "Nano?" "Ihadno ideazipliningwould be so boring." "You,youkilledKenny." "Youbastard!" "You bastard, Stan!" "(Crying )" "(Crying)" "HowmanyiPodNanosis friendship worth?" "I guess one." "Thehardestpartaboutitis  knowing you can't take it back." "I mean it was a fifth generation nano so I can't trade it in any where." "Butthenmiraculouslythe boys prayers are finally answered." "Itwasamiraclehecameto save us and take us back home." "Youcameforus." "Mr.Hankey." "Thankyou." "Howdyhoe,boys,let 'sget  you back home." "Weweresaved." "It was over." "Afternearlyfourhoursin the Colorado wilderness the boys are finally going home." "From the boat, the boys were airlifted aboard Mr. Hankey's magical helicraptor." "In the four hours since they have left home the boys had travelled so far that Mr. Hankey then had to fly them on the 7 turdy 7." "From there it was only an hour ride back home on the Poochoo express." "Four friends torn apart by tragedy would now start the long journey back to forgiveness," "Kenny McCormicks remains were finally brought home to his parents and the boys received treatment for their herpes." "No,I didn'tgetherpes." "I just had a cold sore." "KyleBratkowskispent27days inthe hospital having fecal matter removed from his nasal passages." "Stan Marsh dedicated himself to raise an awareness about the boredom risks of ziplining." "His awareness videos became so popular that Stan once again ended up jacking it in" "San Diego." "As for Eric Cartman, he refused to let the tragedy stop him from doing what he loves most." "In just two weeks, he was back to drinking diet Double Dew." "Defiant to do the math." "It'sdietdude." "Diet soda doesn't give you diarrhoea."