"to a dreadful dynasy of vicious vampire ducks." "The Counts of Duckula!" "Legend has it that these fowl beings can be destroyed... by a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight." "This does not suffice, however... for they may be brought back to life... by means of a sacred rite... that can be performed once a century... when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius!" " Batswing blood." " I'll get it!" "The latest reincarnation did not run according to plan." "Ooh!" "In the heart of Transylvania" "In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah" "There's not a vampire zanier than" "Duckula" "He won't bite beast or man" "'Cause he's a vegetarian" "And things never run to plan for" "Duckula" "If you're lookin' for some fun" "You can always count upon" "The wild and wacky one they call" "Duckula" "Heh heh!" "Count Duckula!" "Heh heh heh!" "Once more we take you to the hostile peaks of Transylvania." "Once more we bring you to visit... the despicable denizens of that ghastly castle." "Once more..." "Oh, they're all out." ""Gone to fair." "Back before sunset."" "Having an evil time." "Oh, missed again." "Oh." "Oh, well, never mind." "Where's Nanny, Igor?" "On the helter skelter, sir." "Oh, dear." "Coo-eee!" "Duckypoos!" "Oh, I fear the worse, sir." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Ow!" "Oh, well..." "I don't see the point of that." "Oh, come on, Nanny." "Look, the dodgems." "Ooh, Mr. Igor, let me drive." "Go on." "No fear, Nanny." "Ooh, go on." "Here, give me the wheel." "Oh, goodness." "Ooh!" "Ooh, I could..." "No, Nanny, no!" "No, no!" "Get off!" "Now look what you've done." "Just let me..." "Do I press this panel, Mr. Igor?" "Aha!" "Nice to see you enjoying yourself, Igor." "Oh, watch out for Nanny, sir!" "Oh, this is so undignified." "Come on, Igor!" "You're missing the fun!" "Oh, very well, sir, if I must." "Look out!" "Oh, I was getting bored with that anyway." "What's next?" "Roll up!" "Roll up!" "This way for the roller coaster ride of a lifetime!" "Roll up!" "Roll up!" "Listen to that--a roller coaster ride." "Ooh-whee!" "We must have a go on that, Igor." "I think I'd rather have my head removed from my body, sir." "That's the trouble with you, Igor." "It's always self, self, self." "But why don't you think of others for a change?" "Now, if I say we go on the roller coaster, we go on the roller coaster." "You, too, Nanny." "Ooh, no, l--I think I'll stay here and watch Mr. Igor take his head off." "Now, look..." "I don't want to pull rank... but if you're not over by that roller coaster in two seconds..." "I'll stand here... and I'll sing." "I'm employing a couple of philistines." "Phyllis Stein?" "Isn't that Gertrude's sister?" "Roll up!" "Roll up!" "This way for the roller coaster of time... the experience of a lifetime." "Be the envy of your friends as you travel back and forward in time." "Cheese sandwiches and tea available at reasonable prices." "That sounds fabulous, doesn't it, Nanny?" "Ooh, I don't get on with cheese." "I comes out in a rash." "No, no, I mean the ride, the ride." "Igor, go and ask how much it is." "My master, the Count Duckula... would like to purchase tickets for your roller ride." "How much would that be?" "For the Count, huh?" "Well, let me see." "Uh, whatever you've got on you." "A horse-hair noose... a chocolate covered skull... some teeth, homemade rat cake... and a dagger-- bloodstained, of course." "In that case, you're gonna need some change." "Two werewolf fangs and a half-eaten copy of Undertaker's Weekly." "Thank you." "This way, then." "No time to waste." "Time waits for no man." "Time, like the gypsy, will not stand still." "Time, gentlemen, please, and so on and so forth." "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen." "This is your super captain speaking." "Welcome aboard roller coaster number one for our little trip." "Our cruising altitude is a mystery to me." "Our speed will be quite fast... and our destination is none of your business." "Oh, dear." "Oh!" "Oh, dear." "Ah!" "Ooh!" "Nanny, will you keep still?" "Well, I can't help it, Duckypoos." "This seat's all lumpy." "You'd be lumpy, too, if you'd been sat on by a great, fat hen." "Igor, come out of there." "This is no time for games." "Oh!" "Now, then..." "Ooh!" "No!" "No, Nanny!" "Prepare for blast off." "Eight, seven... six, five... four, three... two, one." "Lift off!" "Now, this is what I call traveling." "When do we get where we're going to, Dr. Tyme?" "Just as soon as I find the brake." "You mean you've come out without a brake?" "No, no, it's here somewhere." "I put it in a cardboard box to keep it safe." "Oh!" "Here it is, Mr.Tyme." "Oh, please, don't call me Mister." "I'm a doctor." "Ooh, a doctor." "Could you look at my feet then?" "'Cause they're not all they should be." "Oh, certainly." "Open wide and say, "Ah."" "Oh, no!" "It's not my throat that hurts." "It's my feet." "Well, in that case, get your feet to say "Ah."" "Please, Sviatoslav, that reminds me." "I went to see the doctor last week." "You did, Dmitri?" "What was wrong?" "Well, I had this strange feeling that I didn't exist." "Oh, really?" "And what..." "Dmitri?" "Where have you..." "I have the strangest feeling I know someone called Dmitri." "Yes, me, you silly bat." "Ooh!" "Ow!" "Ooh!" "Ooh, l--I feels much better now, thank you, doctor." "Oh, you can call me Fazakerley, my dear." "Oh!" "You naughy doctor, you." "Look, I hate to break up this little beak to beak... but we seem to be going nowhere very fast." "Oh, have no fear." "Time is on our side." "Ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "Oh, good, the beach." "Ooh!" "You know, I haven't been to the seaside in years." "There doesn't seem to be any sea, sir." "Well, the tide's probably out, Igor." "What do you think, Doctor?" "Well, if it is out, it'll take some time to come back in again." "This is prehistoric Earth, a million years before you were born." "A million years." "Ooh!" "I left the dinner in the oven." "lt'll be ruined." "That's nothing new." "Look, Nanny, there's no need to get pre-hysterical." "We'll get back, won't we, doctor?" "Eh, not if I have anything to do with it." "What was that?" "Is that your stomach playing up again, Igor?" "Ha ha!" "Uh, ahem." "Aha." ""Aha" what?" "Just "Aha."" "You can't have just "Aha."" "It doesn't make sense." "Look, I'm the world's first vampire." "All I know is "Aha."" "How do I know what makes sense?" "Oh, I was wondering why sir is out in the middle of the day." "Uh, middle of the..." "Is that wrong?" "Oh, completely, sir." "You should only come out at night." "Night?" "Night..." "That's the dark bit, isn't it?" "Oh, l--I couldn't do that." "You can't see a thing at night." "Oh, I suppose they haven't invented street lights yet." "Have you tried sinking your teeth into something yet, sir?" "Oh, yes." "I tried that for the first time this morning." "Oh." "Everything went well, I trust, sir?" "The maiden was very tasy?" "The maiden?" "Oh, so that's what they're called, are they?" "Well, no, it wasn't very tasy, now you come to mention it." "It got very angry." "It's been chasing me all day." "It" "Oh, in fact, here comes that maiden again." "Whoa!" "Wow-wowie-wow!" "Now, that's what I call a healthy sized maiden." "Quick, sir, we must get away." "Oh, don't worry, my dear." "I'll protect you." "Step back into the roller coaster." "Oh..." "I can see you're a doctor." "You've got such nice hands." "He'll be lucky if he has a nice anything... if that thing catches up with us, Nanny." "Come on, Doc, let's get out of here." "Oh." "Coo." "Well, there's one thing to be said for time travel, Igor." "It's got rid of your wrinkles... or at least it's pushed them round the back where no one can see them." "Please, sir." "Now, let's see if we're all here." "Igor." "Yes, you're here." "The Doc, me." "Yes, I'm here." "And Nanny." "Uh, Nanny?" "Oh!" "I'm engaged... to a medical man." "Ooh, my mum will be pleased." "She always wanted me to marry a doctor." "Hey, what do you mean, engaged?" "To be married." "Igor!" "Igor!" "Nanny's engaged." "Odd." "She's always seemed vacant to me, sir." "Hmm?" "When did this happen?" "Ooh." "A minute ago." "The doctor has just proposed." "But, Nanny, think of the problems-- the expense of the reception... the amount of people we'll have to invite." "Excuse me, sir." "What is it, Igor?" "I'd like to point out, sir, that we are being watched by a potato." "A potato?" "Well, he won't get an invitation... unless he's a close friend of the bride, of course." "Excuse me, did you say a potato, Igor?" "Yes, sir." "A giant potato with rather a nasy look on his face." "Well, even potatoes have their bad days, Igor." "Hello there, potato." "Don't be afraid." "I won't eat you." "Eat?" "That's it, Igor." "They know I'm a vegetarian." "Who is it that trespasses on our land?" "Uh, we're, uh..." "We're pacifists, and we're vege-vege-vege-vege-vege-vege... vegetables' friends." "You are strangers... not unlike those from the old times before saniy took over... and the vegetables began to rule." "Vegetables?" "Vegetables in power?" "Hey, where are we, Doctor?" "Or when are we, Doctor?" "Oh, it's about 4008." "If my memory serves me right, an artichoke has just been made... president of the United States of America... and two turnips have just landed on Venus." "Coo, just think, a turnip on Venus." "Well, that's a small step for a vegetable... but a giant leap for an Irish stew." "I have read in the ancient manuscripts of such as you... you who squeezed us carrots of our vital juices." "And smothered us sweet corn in butter." "And shelled us." "And peeled us." "And simmered us alive for two and a half minutes." "Killed us alive." "Finely chopped us." "No, stop, stop!" "Especially you-- you bring tears to my eyes." "Made us into soups." "Stews." "Salads." "I--oh." "Spray that again." "No, I never." "I don't like cucumber." "So, you admit to all the other crimes?" "Yeah, yeah." "No, no." "Uh, l--oh." "No, l--I mean, I meant no harm." "You are making a ridiculous mistake." "My master is none other than Count Duckula..." "last in a long line of vampire ducks." "Whoever heard of a vegetarian vampire?" "Vampire?" "Garlic, forward." "Oh, no!" "Run for it, master, run!" "Yes, yeah." "Oh, where--where's Nanny?" "Back on the roller coaster with Doctor Tyme." "Seize them!" "Serve them up with butter and a little black pepper." "Ooh, doctor!" "Where's my Duckypoos?" "Well, with any luck, he's roasting nicely at 250 degrees centigrade." "Oh, you fiend!" "You monster!" "I hate you!" "I could never marry anyone who had my lovely duck eaten." "He was kind and generous and brave and strong." "All the things you're not." "You know, Igor, I think she means it." "Shame she didn't say anything about me, sir." "Oh, I like you, too, Mr. Igor." "Oh, Mr. Igor, you're safe!" "Oh, and my little duck!" "So, you would spurn me, would you, my little one-armed chicken?" "Well, I shall wreak my revenge on you all." "Ha ha!" "Ha ha!" "Let's see now--1789." "Ha!" "The French Revolution." "Prepare to meet your doom, Count Duckula." "Ha ha!" "Aristos, aristos!" "I have caught some aristos!" "Who is it zat is making all this noise in the middle of the rue?" "It is I, Doctor Fazakerley Danton Temps... and this is Count Duckula." "I have captured these Aristos for you to do with as you will." "Take them away and clap them in irons." "This is the last straw." "Heh heh heh heh." "Bad luck, Doc." "You weren't to know they were arresting everybody... in funny outfits as well this week." "Yeah." "If only I'd known..." "I would have worn the pinstripe with the black jacket." "So, this is the French Revolution." "Hmm." "Not one of the most hygienic, is it?" "But what is that smell, Dmitri?" "It's the peasants, Sviatoslav." "They're revolting." "Oh..." "So, is that joke, Dmitri?" "If you have to be great, why bother?" "There's only one thing for it." "We're going to have to escape." "Huh." "Wait a minute." "I know, I know." "Listen, when the guard comes in with our dinner, let him have it." "Oh, but what are we going to eat?" "No, I mean let him have it on the head with something heavy, Nanny." "Something heavy, hard, and horrible." "One of your souffles would have been ideal, Nanny." "Shame you don't have one on you." "What do you mean?" "I always carries a souffle, in case of emergencies." "Um, ah." "That's just great, Nanny." "Let's hope we can lift it." "Come on, Doc, we'll need your help." "Everyone behind the door." "Now, Nanny...." "Nanny, you attract the guard with your feminine wiles." "I've got my book on engine maintenance." "Do you think he'd like that?" "Well, it's not exactly what I meant, but it'll have to do." "All right, you filthy rat-fink aristos, on your foots." "Aah!" "Ooh!" "By order of the people's revolution... all those in here who are aristos... or wearing the funny clothes... are to be taken from here... to have their heads removed from their bodies." "Here, look what you've done to my Duckypoos... you revolting person, you." "Uhh!" "Come on, my duck, it's all right." "Nanny's here." "You'll be all right now." "Oh..." "Hello, pretty lady." "I'm a cloud floating in the sky" "Oh, dear, oh, dear, it's worse than I thought." "Ooh, whatever..." "Oh, yes." "Oh!" "Huhh!" "What's that?" "Is it bath time already?" "Come on, milord, the door's open." "We must escape." "Then, my precious, you and I will be together." "Ooh, you lay one finger on me, you nasy doctor, you... and I'll use my--my feminine wiles on you." "I think what Nanny means, sir... is that she will bash you with her bare arm if you don't watch it." "Listen, this is no time for argument." "You're quite right." "I'm not." "Hmm." "I'm not sure I understand that, either." "Huh." "Come on, everyone, forward to freedom." "Oh, sir, perhaps we could stay after all." "See, they're only having some innocent fun." "You call chopping people's heads off fun, Igor?" "Perhaps you're right, sir." "Sewing the wrong one back on is funnier." "Quick, quick!" "The aristos, zey have escaped." "Oh, no, we've been spotted." "Don't worry, Duckypoos." "I can get it off with a bit of bleach." "She doesn't get any better, sir, does she?" "No." "I think all the excitement's confused her, Igor." "There they are!" "After them!" "Run for it!" "Oh!" "Oh, no!" "Oh, bother, I'm under running." "We've arrived five minutes before we left." "Oh, phew!" "That was some dodgem ride, wasn't it, Igor?" "Uh, l--I think so." "We were on the dodgems, weren't we, Igor?" "I'm not exactly sure." "No, no, l--l--It's just I feel sort of dizzy." "My mind's a blank." "Oh, you're back to normal then, Nanny." "Roll up!" "Roll up!" "This way for the roller coaster ride of your life." "Roll up!" "Roll up!" "Whee!" "Listen to that, a roller coaster ride." "We must have a go on that, Igor." "I think I'd rather have my head removed from my body, sir." "That's the trouble with you, Igor." "It's always self, self, self." "Why don't you think of others for a change?" "Now, if I say we go on the roller coaster... we go on the roller coaster." "You, too, Nanny." "Oh, no, l--I think I'll stay here... and watch Mr. Igor take his head off." "Now, look..." "I don't want to pull rank... but if you're not over by that roller coaster in two seconds..." "I'll stand here... and I'll sing." "You know, I may be dim... but I've got a feeling we've been through all this before." "So, once again we say good-bye to the feathered prince of evil... wherever he may be." "Goodnight out there... whenever you are." "If you're feeling..." "Or you're kind of..." "Could be you've met up with" "Duckula" "If your knees go..." "And your teeth go..." "Maybe you've bumped into" "Duckula" "He flies through the night" "Looking for a bite" "But he's back home by daylight" "Duckula" "If you're sort of..." "Or you're a little..." "It's certain you've run into" "Duckula" "If your heart goes..." "Or your mind goes..." "Man, you had a brush with" "Duckula" "So watch out for the..." "Beware of the..." "And pray you'll never meet with" "Duckula" "Count Duckula"