"TRAVELS WITH MY AUNT" "We therefore commit her body to be consumed by fire." "In sure and certain hope of resurrection by Christ our Lord." " Who are we cremating?" " A Mrs. Pulling." "Oh good." "Is there a Mr. Pulling?" "A son." "In the front pew." "Thank you." " Do you have a telephone?" " Over there, madam." "Thank you." "Hello." "Are you the man that called?" "Would they take half and take my guarantee for the other 50?" "But it is a great deal of money." "Well, yes ... oh, yes." "Yes, I have received his ring." "No, I ..." "What did you say?" "You'll send his ... his what?" "No, please, don't hurt him." "No, he's afraid of pain." "And he's very old." "Please ... please, you ..." "Hello." "Henry." "You are Henry, aren't you?" " Yes, but I'm afraid I ..." " Augusta." "Your Aunt Augusta." "Aunt Augusta?" "But Mother said you had died   many years ago." "You were lost at sea, that was it." "Oh, but I was rescued, Henry   frequently." " I'm waiting for the ashes." " I'll wait with you." "It's a very long time since I saw my dear sister." " I hope she died peacefully." " Oh, at her time of life ..." " Are you still with the bank?" " Yes, I'm an assistant manager now." "I asked for leave of absence when Mother was taken." "Splendid ... and what do you do?" " With your spare time?" " I cultivate dahlias." "Oh ..." "Goodness gracious!" "How much did my sister leave you?" "Nothing really." "Just the house." "We only met at religious ceremonies." "I came to your baptism, though I wasn't asked." " Like the wicked fairy." " Mother often spoke of you." "She was a very saintly woman, my sister Angelique." "She should have had a white funeral." "La Pucelle." "I don't quite see." "La Pucelle means ..." "Yes, it's Joan of Arc." "The maid." " The virgin." " Exactly." "To put it bluntly, Aunt Augusta, I am here." "To put it bluntly to you ..." "That had nothing to do with Angelique." "Well then, who was my real mother, Aunt Augusta?" "Well, she was a charming girl ..." "really charming." "But she was rather ... naughty." "And some women are just not cut out for motherhood, Henry." "This shouldn't come as a shock to you, Henry dear." "My sister, your mother ..." "Your stepmother ..." "We'll call her that ... was a very noble person." "My real father ... did you know him?" "No, no ..." "I heard tell of him." "He was a bit of a hound." "But then so are most men." "It's their best quality." "There's a bit of a hound in you too." " I don't think so." " We may discover it in time." "I beg your pardon, madam." "Will you come with me, sir?" "I'll be right back, Aunt Augusta." "Happy to have been of service, sir." " What are you going to do with it?" " Place it among my dahlias." " It'd be a little bleak in winter." " I could bring it indoors then." "Oh, backwards and forwards." "She's hardly likely to rest in peace" " I'll think it over." " You aren't married, are you?" " No." " Children?" " Of course not." " To whom shall you bequeath her?" " I shall predecease you." " I cannot think of everything." " You could have left it here." " I'd prefer it in my dahlias." "Each to his own." " Well, Aunt Augusta ..." " Oh, taxi!" "Taxi!" "We'll have a drink at my flat ..." "90 St. Martin's Lane." " Really, Aunt Augusta ..." " Come along, Henry." "I live on the third floor." "Henry, I think I ought to warn you before we go in." "For me, a white funeral would be quite out of place." " But you never married." " No, but I've always had friends." "Age only modifies our emotions." "It does not destroy them." "Alfie, the usual please." "And a ..." " A sherry." " Dry?" " Please." " And a dry sherry." " Doesn't the noise disturb you?" " No, a bar is convenient." "If I run short, I just send Wordsworth down." " Who's Wordsworth?" " I call him that, not Zachary." "He's your valet?" "Let us say, he attends to my wants." "Well, come along, Henry." "Will you miss your poor stepmother, Henry?" "Oh yes, she was a fine woman." "But set in her ways." " Oh, you're a fortune ..." " No." "He is." "You go on up." "I'll bring the milk." "I closed." " This is my nephew, Wordsworth." " You be telling the truth, woman?" "Wordsworth, Wordsworth." "Venice meant a great deal to me." "Wait, wait ... things come." "A cross." "Perhaps you find religion." "Or it could be a double cross." " I've always been religious." " Keep away from the desert." "You're an undertaker?" "Here we have an urn." "It ... might be an urn." " There's a mystery in your life." " I've only just discovered that." " Wordsworth is from Sierra Leone." " The telephone talk bloody loud." "I tell them you've gone to a burial." " It's convenient to tell the truth." " I say you come back 7 o'clock." " Everything okay?" "Happy funeral?" " On Henry, your parcel?" "No, I have it here." "Wordsworth can put it in the refrigerator with the milk." "That's quite unnecessary with ashes." "Let him take it." "We don't want to be reminded   of my poor, dear sister." "Come along, Henry." "This is Wordsworth's little nook." "These are also from Venice." "Clever, but not so pretty." " More suitable for a man." " Not what I'd like to wake up to." "He seldom does." "Excuse me." "Thank you very much." "Special delivery." "What on earth can it be?" "Oh, Wordsworth ..." " What is it?" " Unexpected gift from a friend." "Oh, baby ..." "Baby." "Oh, my beautiful girl." "Open your beautiful eyes." "Such a wicked man." "He's not worth one single tear." "Your finger ..." "My God!" "My God, his finger ..!" "Where is it?" " Don't look again." " His what?" " I've got to help him." " You've got to forget him." "How can I get any money at all?" "And $100,000!" "Who are you?" "..." "Yes ... you're Henry." "Now, where were we?" "I was going to show you the bedroom." "Would you mix us some drinks?" "Come this way, Henry dear." "Here we are." "Henry, sit down here, dear." "And tell me all about yourself." " Don't you want me to go?" " No, it was nothing at all." "It was a practical joke." " Now, tell me." " Well ..." "Oh, dear ..." "I'm ..." "Well just begin, Henry." " First there's my dahlias." " Dahlias, that's fascinating." "Tell me, Henry, what do you actually do at the bank?" "Oh, I'm the man with all the keys." "Oh ..." "Then you could rob the bank?" "Yes, of course." "But I wouldn't." "If you were desperate for money?" "A great deal of money?" "Aunt August, one just doesn't." " Why not?" " I could never be a criminal." "We get out of life what we put in." "No more, no less." "Balls." "Some of us get out what everyone else is stupid enough to put in." "I'll go, you entertain my nephew." "Miss Bertram, Mr. Crowder's here." " In the bar?" " Follow me, please." "Hello, Augusta." "50,000." "My man in Paris will exchange them for dollars." "This involves a great deal of risk." " You called me, Augusta." " I'm desperate for money." "An old friend is in trouble." "I need $100,000 to get him out of it." "This job is worth only ten ..." "Plus expenses." "You'll be paid on delivery." "How's the painting market?" " Anything for me?" " I've been out of touch." " I'll leave tomorrow." " Alone?" "No, I may have a companion, a man." " The black?" " No, more conventional." "And dependable, I hope." "This is a good deal of money   my money." " Who is this man?" " Visconti." ""To my adored Gusta ..." "Ercole."" "Oh, rather a close friend I gather?" "Yeah ..." "You might say." "Henry dear, can you tell me how much is 10,000 in dollars?" " At 2.56 ... $25,600." " In francs?" " 132,282." " In lire?" "15,058,822." "Thank you very much, Henry." "Mr. Wordsworth ..." "It has made me so happy meeting you." "You are my only close relative now." "As far as you know." "Your father had spells of activity." "My poor stepmother." "I'll never think of anyone else as my ..." "It's better so." "You will come one day and see my dahlias?" "Now that I've found you again, Henry, I shan't easily let you go." "Thank you for being so ... 50,000 ..." "Pity it isn't all mine." "Still, 10,000 is a start." " I'd pay for Visconti's dead body." " He's in trouble." "I must help him." "He could charm anybody, but I don't trust him." "He's plenty mean." "He'd take no chance for you." " You're jealous of Mr. Visconti." " Don't speak his name." "He's desperate." "They're killing him bit by bit." "Let them make him one big hamburger." "Yes!" "Yes!" "A brown-paper parcel." "You want it right away?" "It's a bloody lot of trouble, man." "Stay there." " He forgot his mother." " She's in the fridge." " You're not offended at Wordsworth?" " I didn't like the way you spoke." "It's just that little phone there." "There I am up there, my voice popping out into the street." "No one sees us, only old Wordsworth." "It's a sort of power, man." "It's like the burning bush when it spoke to old Moses." " Forgive me, Mr. Pullen." " Pulling." " Oh, really." " Take care, man." " Henry Pulling." " I've the most extraordinary story." "I've been raided by the police." " Raided?" "By the police?" " Listen very carefully, Henry." " They may call on you." " Mr. Pulling." "I'm sorry to disturb you." "We're looking for a package ..." " May we open the package?" " No." "We could have easily obtained a search warrant." " That is your package, sir?" " Of course it's mine." "It's an urn of my mother's ashes." "Do you mind if I take a look?" " It's sealed with tape." " Naturally." " I'd like to take a sample." " That's my poor mother in there." "I understand how you feel." "But in fluff from Wordsworth's pocket,   we found pot." " Marijuana to you, sir." " What's that to do with my mother?" "It's possible Wordsworth removed your mother   so to speak, and substituted pot." "Now, sir, you wouldn't want always to wonder   are those really her ashes, or are they illegal marijuana?" "We'd only take a tiny pinch, sir." "Take your pinch." "Look, driver, there it is ..." "The one with the dahlias." "Just wait a minute." "I won't be very long." "Henry." "Oh, good morning, Henry." " Where is Wordsworth?" " In Paris." "You know what that he did?" "He put pot in mother's ashes." "Yes, I know." "Poor Henry." " Poor Henry?" "Poor Mother!" " Poor Angelique you mean." "Calm down, Henry." "What is done cannot be undone." "All the blame's on Wordsworth." " You may be in trouble, too." " And so may you, Henry." " Some unpleasantness in the press." " The press?" ""Bank Manager Conceals Pot In Mother's Ashes," that sort of thing." "Now I ..." "I have a small ..." "I have a small commission which necessitates going to Paris." "All things considered, you should come along with me." "We're on the three o'clock flight." "Paris?" "I'm not accustomed to foreign travel." "You'll take to it quickly enough in my company." "But my dahlias?" " Pack, Henry." " Pack?" "Pack." "Why are we traveling first class?" "We're wasting almost seven pounds." "The difference is wiped out by the champagne and caviar." "You must learn to surrender yourself to extravagance, Henry." "Poverty can strike suddenly, like influenza." "You know all the ropes, don't you?" "I know enough to get what I want by air, rail, and sea." " Like your father." " My father was a great traveler?" "He traveled from one woman to another, which is the same thing." " Why have you traveled so much?" " Oh, the business I was in." "We moved around ..." "Venice, Milan, Firenzie, Rome, Napoli." "It was known as "La Quindicina."" "Oh, you were in a theater company?" "That description will serve." "Remember, I was much younger then." " Acting needs no excuse." " No, I was explaining." "In my profession, age was a handicap." "I was lucky enough to leave in good time, thanks to Mr. Visconti." "Mr. Visconti?" "He is, I suppose, the only man I have ever ... really loved." "Steward!" "Some more champagne." " We're just coming into land." " Then you'll have to hurry." "Employ a porter, Henry." "It's easier to obtain a taxi with the aid of a porter." "And look like you'll give a tip." "Before you go through customs." "Excuse me." "There's an understanding between a porter and a customs inspector." "Excuse me." "Now, go through customs down there." "These are the luggage checks." "I'll see you at the hotel." "The St. George and Albion." " Have you got anything to declare?" " Only one is a little dangerous." "The red one." "Red for danger." "Currency should have free circulation." " Free circulation?" " Yes." "Mr. Visconti taught me that." "Open." "One moment." " Is it your first time in Paris?" " Yes, it's my first time." " Are you American?" " No, I'm English." " There's the Arc de Triomphe." " Where's the Arc de Triomphe?" " Yes?" " Miss Augusta Bertram." " She stays in the Albion wing." " How do I ..?" "Boy ..." "We'll have your luggage sent around." "I'm Miss Bertram's nephew." "Of course ... 217." "Your passport, please." " You'll let me have it back?" " Naturally, Mr. Pulling." "There, thank you." " For you both." " Thank you, monsieur." " Aunt Augusta?" " I'm on the telephone." "Oui, Monsieur Dambreuse." "Oh, what a pity." "Do you know when he'll be back?" "Something is wrong?" " It's provided by a dear friend." " Mister Visconti?" " Monsieur Dambreuse." "In metals." "I met him some time ago." "I was modeling for some artists." "Modigliani ..." "He's not in Paris at the moment." "I hope he's back in time." " Quick." " Monsieur Dambreuse?" "This is my nephew." "Henry, bring me the red case." "Henry ..." "Oh, thank you, Henry." "That will be all, Henry." "Out, Henry." "Out!" "Mr. Pullen." "Mr. Pullen." "In all His work most wonderful." " Wordsworth." " Praise to the Lord." " I must talk with you, Wordsworth." " Everybody out." "Out, out." "Come along, Mister Pullen." "They're just short-timers." "Jig-Jig, one, two, three ... out." "You want a beautiful girl, come with me." "Pull over there, Wordsworth." "Now, why did you send me away with cannabis in my mother's urn?" "There's no cannibals in England." " I'm talking about the ashes." " No cannibals in Sierra Leone." " I didn't say cannibals." " There's plenty of people killed." " But we don't chop them up." " Pot!" "You mixed pot with my ..!" " The police came." " Bloody police." " My mother didn't smoke." " I'll find you a girl." " A schoolteacher." " No girl." "I'll tell your fortune, then you have a drink with me." "Henry." "Oh, Henry." " Hurry, our train leaves ..." " What train?" "Who's Mr. Crowder?" " I ran into Wordsworth ..." " Oh, he's such an alarmist." "Mr. Crowder is a ..." "financier, of sorts." " I've a package for General Abdul." " General Abdul?" " Come along, we're off to Istanbul." " Istanbul?" "We haven't seen Notre Dame or the Louvre." "The Louvre ..." "All those naked women with parts missing ..." "It's morbid." "New people, new places, new customs." "The accumulation of memories." "A long life is not a question of years." "Without memories, one might live to be 100 and feel life was brief." "Can you believe this is a railway station with all these paintings?" "Grenoble!" "Villefranche!" "Avignon!" "The Old Port of Marseilles." "Oh, Henry ..." "The battle of the flowers at Nice." "Can you imagine what it feels like to be intoxicated by the sun?" "The sweet sea air?" "The scent of millions of flowers." "Hyacinths ..." "Roses ..." "Narcissi." "The colors ..." "Lavenders, pinks ..." "Oh, the Gare de Lyon is the most romantic station in Europe." "From here, one can go anywhere ..." "Venice, Rome, Madrid." "It was here I first met   Mr. Visconti." "Oh ..." "My hat." "Monte Carlo." "Risk a few pounds and join the company of kings." "Mont Blanc ..." "One can stand at the top of the world, my darling." "L'Orange!" "A performance of Phaedre." "In the audience ..." "The divine Sarah Bernhardt." "I sing to you my serenade of love" "Your gentle charm I worship In your sweet embrace" "Your eyes are bright As stars that shine above" "Your tears are warm Like summer rain" "Each time you smile at me I know that we should be" "Together making dreams come true" "To me, you're everything And from my heart I sing" "This serenade of love to you" "Each time you smile at me I know that we should be" "Together making dreams come true" "To me you're everything And from my heart I sing ..." "Attention!" "Attention!" "Last call for the Orient Express." "Come along, Henry ..." "It's time to go." "Attention!" "Attention!" "Last call for the Orient Express." " I'll get us something to read." " Yes, very well." " Oh, are you traveling alone?" " Yes." " How far are you going?" " Katmandu." "Would you like some champagne?" "It's good for the spirit." " Wordsworth!" " Don't go!" " It's very dangerous." " I can't hear you." "Look!" "Please, don't go." "Wordsworth." "Poor Wordsworth." "He was trying to tell me something." "Something must be wrong ..." "I wonder." " He's such a dear man." " Aunt Augusta!" "Oh, this is 71, this young lady's couchette." " What was your name?" " Tooley." "She's going to Istanbul, too." "On the way to Katmandu." " I thought that was in Nepal?" " Something like that." "She and I have been having a little chat." " What was your name?" " Tooley." "Tooley, oh ..." "There's no restaurant car yet." "You're welcome to share my Pepsi, my milk chocolate, and my ham." "The conductor will bring coffee and croissants tomorrow." "I'm off to bed now." "Henry, you look after that." "Oh, you keep the champagne ..." "Tooley." " Sleep well, dear." "Good night." " Good night." " Can you manage, Aunt Augusta?" " Yes, dear." "Good night." " Good night." " Good night." " I like your mother." " She's my aunt." "So friendly." "I was feeling lonesome." "Lousy and lonesome." " I don't think I'll sleep." " It's past midnight." " I'm worried." " Anything I can do to help?" "I just want to talk." " Oh, American cigarettes." " I got these in Paris." " Are you Roman Catholic?" " No ..." "Anglican." "I nearly became a Catholic ..." "because of Bobby Kennedy." " Was Macbeth a Catholic?" " I've never thought about it." " Why are you worried, Miss Tooley?" " Just Tooley." "My boyfriend wanted to go third-class to Istanbul." "It's crazy." "We couldn't sleep together third class." "My father will pay." "Julian said I could stick my money up my arse." "That's an English expression, isn't it?" " In a manner of speaking." " He's English." " Are these herbal?" " I don't think so." "We met in Trafalgar Square ..." "Julian." " Feeding the pigeons?" " My father is ironic, too." "Irony is a great literary quality." "Like passion." "I ... don't know much about lit ..." "Well, I don't know much ..." "about passion." "I'm majoring in English Lit." " What does your father do?" " C.I.A." " That must be interesting." " He sees the world horizontally." "That's superficial." "I want to see the world vertically." "Well, traveling with Julian, your point of view would be horizontal." "Well, I want to see the world vertically." "In depth." "In depth." "Oh, you're fabulous." "I feel I've met you before." "As a character, I mean." "We did Dickens in depth." "Vertically." " What's your name?" " Henry." " Not Harry?" " One cannot be baptised Harry." "I knew a guy once ..." "Who was baptised ..." "Knock Me Down." "Knock Me ..." "What's the trouble, Miss Tooley?" "What is it?" "I forgot the pill." "And I haven't had the curse for six weeks." "I almost told your mother earlier." "She's my aunt." "Julian says it was all my fault." ""If I have to remind you," he says, "I lose my spontaneity."" " His what?" " He believes women castrate men." "By taking away their spontaneity." "You know what I think?" "I think ..." "I think that you ought to go home and tell your parents." "In the singular." "I don't count Mom." "I don't exactly know where Pa is." "Haven't you got anyone ..?" "Haven't you anywhere to call home?" "Julian and me felt like home." "Henry, you don't mind if we stay together tonight, do you?" " Pardon?" " Oh, just to sleep." "If you're not in the mood for anything else." "Scoot over." "Why should I mind?" "After all   this is the Orient Express." "Thank you, Senor." "Mama!" "Mama!" "Mama mia." "You're still the same." " Who the hell is that?" " Mr. Visconti's son." "With our food." "All my youth is coming back to me, Mama." " Why is he calling you that?" " I've know him since he was a boy." "Mario, my son." "Yes, yes, I'm coming now." " Mama mia." " Mario." "My Mario." " Oh, beautiful girl." " Thankyou." " Mama, here you are." " My nephew Henry." "Hurry, Mario, we haven't much time." "Mama, this was sent yesterday." "It's from the kidnappers." "It's terrible." "Mama!" "Somebody help me!" "Cognac!" "Please!" "Oh, mama." "What will we do for poor Papa?" "Maybe it's too late." "Maybe he's dead already." "I don't like a man who cries." " Have you never cried?" " No." "Well, not in public." "They called me yesterday." "Oh, it's terrible ..." "What else did they say?" "Have you any money?" "To pay the waiter." "Aunt Augusta, come along." "Ciao, ciao." " Ciao, ciao." " Ciao." "Bellissima, bellissima." " What was that all about?" " Money and Mr. Visconti." "They've been in contact with Mario." "He's to be the intermediary." " Who was his mother?" " Oh ..." "Some ghastly German cow." "What does he do?" "Is he an actor?" "Oh, no." "He writes verse, drama ..." " Can he live on that?" " He gets money from women." "Ah, a gigolo." "Rather disgusting at his age." "Age has nothing to do with it." "He can make a woman laugh." "He made Tooley laugh." "His father was the same." "It's the best way to win a woman, to make her laugh." "Oh, the dear boy." " When did you see him last?" " Mario?" "Not for years." "He was a sweet child." "Too sweet, perhaps, to last." "And his father?" "I never associated sweetness with Mr. Visconti." "Charm perhaps, but   not sweetness." "Was Mr. Visconti ..." "a theatrical manager?" "No, but a great amateur of what you insist upon calling the stage." "You mean he often came to see your company, "La Quindicina"?" "Not often enough." "Sometimes I ..." "I didn't see him for years." "When he was with me ..." "He made me feel as though I was the most wonderful woman in the world." "Life was always very monotonous without him, Henry." "Where did he go when he wasn't with you?" "Don't ask so many questions." "Go and ask Tooley some." "And give her some food." "Take the red cakes with you." "Ercole." "It was pure coincidence." "He wasn't looking for me." "I hadn't seen him in years." " Ercole." " Not here." "Come outside." " Ercole, you came back." " Don't I always come back, darling?" " I don't mind warm Pepsi." " Ham?" "I hope I'm not eating for two." "Julian did a painting of a Pepsi bottle once." " He painted it bright yellow." " Fauve." "He wants to do a series of pictures." "Heinz soup cans in bright colors." "So ... a rich man could have a different soup in every room." "Julian says this is the Soup Age." "That's why the East is so important." " As Tahiti was for Gauguin." " Yes." "Do they have an abortionist on this train?" "If the baby were born on the train, would it be Bulgarian or Turkish?" " What was that other border?" " The Greek-Macedonian." " I'd chose that one." " You wouldn't have a choice." "I'd hold on till the right moment." "I think we're in another country." "Quick, toss your roach." "My what?" "What are you doing?" " What have we been smoking?" " Pot, of course." " Who is it?" " Aunt Augusta." "I'm sorry to disturb you." "I've come for my red case." " It's ..." " Thank you." "I can almost believe poor Wordsworth is with us." " We could be sent to prison." " Yes, but isn't it worth it?" " Can I call you "Smudge"?" " Why Smudge?" "I had a dog called that." "I used to talk to him all the time." "Oh, I've got a terrible bellyache." " You don't think the ham was horse?" " Horse has a sweetish taste." "I didn't want a literal answer." " Turkey!" " No, ham." "We're in Turkey." "Yes." "Oh, Henry, we'll soon be in Istanbul." "I'm afraid Tooley's going to have a baby." "She ought to take precautions." "It's too early for you to worry." "Oh, how can you possibly think ..." "Enter, please." " Yes?" " I'm Colonel Hakim." " This is my nephew." " Mr. Pulling, Ms. Bertram." "I think we have a mutual acquaintance." "General Abdul." "Oh, yes." "And how is General Abdul?" " I had hoped to see him again." " I'm afraid he's a very sick man." "He was shot while trying to escape." " Escape from what?" " From me." " Am I to be interrogated, Colonel?" " Yes." "I hope in an agreeable way." " What are we supposed to have done?" " General Abdul was trouble." "A revolutionary." "He was short of dollars and got in touch with ..." "Don't let me bore you with details." "We've searched Mr. Pulling's things." "Now the suitcases." "May I trouble you for the keys?" "Neither is locked, Colonel Hakim." " The red suitcase." " That's mine." "Why do you have it?" "So, this is your case, Mr. Pulling?" "What fuss!" "I'll never understand the English." "Oh, Henry!" "WELCOME TO TURKEY" "Hey, it happened." "The curse." " It was the jolting of the train." " Good." " What's going on?" " Official business." " The fuzz." " An escort." " You've been so kind, Mr. Pulling." " Smudge." "I don't know what I'd have done without you." "Go gently on the cigarettes, Tooley." " Goodbye, Smudge." " And Tooley ..." "Stay vertical." "You're simply being deported as undesirables." "Deported ..." "Undesirable ..." "Oh, Henry, what is undesirable in one part of the world is ..." "Is cherished in another." "You must not ... not allow this to distort your values." "Oh my God." "What a trip." "We've been traveling five days." "I didn't see Paris or Istanbul." " Not one bloody minaret." " Henry, look!" "A minaret!" " I missed it." " Next time, Henry." "It's traveling that's interesting." "I think we can squeeze in there." "If we sit still." " Have you no respect for the law?" " Which law?" "The Ten Commandments." "The ox and the ass." " What you were planning is illegal." " I've never read any of the laws." "I don't know what they are." "Henry, I'm desperate." "If I can't raise $100,000, they're going to kill him." " Who?" "Mario?" " Who'd bother to kill Mario?" "Mister Visconti." "He's being held captive in North Africa." " They want $100,000 to let him go." " This is a matter for the police." "The police?" "No, they'd kill him if I call in the police." " Could it be a hoax?" " It can't be." "First of all, they sent me this." "It's his ring." "I gave it to him." "He wore it on the second finger of his left hand." " From your adoring Augusta." " The next day they sent the finger." " That box ... when I was there?" " Then Mario brought me his ear." " Mario what?" " Brought me his ear!" " Oh my God!" "What, in Milan?" " And now I've lost Crowder's money." "You shouldn't play around with people like Crowder." "What I need is a very rich man." "And I'm far too old to get one." "Isn't Monsieur Dambreuse a very rich man?" "Oh, yes ..." "Oh, Henry ..." "Oh, Monsieur Dambreuse is never late." " When did you see him last?" " Oh ..." "It was rather a disgraceful story." " Trust me." " I don't trust your sense of humor." "We don't find the same things funny." " One's innocent till proven guilty." " You're improving, Henry." "Did you ever have a child, Aunt Augusta?" "I wouldn't have made a good mother." " It could've ended up respectable." " Like myself?" "Oh, I don't despair of you, Henry." "I met Monsieur Dambreuse ..." "many years ago now." "Oh, she's dead." "It's terrible ... it's awful." "Go and get the horse." "Can you get up?" "Easy now ..." "I don't think anything is broken." "Does it hurt there?" "Let me take you home." "Oh, yes, I forgot." "Careful now." "Take this." "I see you're feeling better now." "Careful." "I didn't care that he was married." "I'm not a jealous woman." "He told me he had a house in the country." " Is madam here?" " Yes." "Where he lived with his wife and two children." "He used to leave me on Saturday." "For a weekend with his family." "Not returning till Monday morning." "Well, naturally he was ..." "I've always preferred an occasional orgy to a nightly routine." "How Monsieur Dambreuse and I used to laugh." "I really did love him ..." "Not as I loved Mr. Visconti." "The first is always ..." "Later I learned Monsieur Dambreuse had good reason for laughter." "He had another mistress in a suite exactly the same as ours." "In the St. George wing." "She was called Louise." "His Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday afternoon girl." "Bonjour." "Where are you?" "You'll have to admit that was quite an accomplishment   for a man retired from full-time work for reasons of ill health." "One day I went down to take tea in the winter garden." " Champagne." " Yes, madam." "I started talking to the lady at the next table." " Have you a light?" " Are you in the Albion wing?" " Yes." "Are you in the St. George?" " Yes." "What a coincidence." "Both of us spoke of our so-called husbands." "They both worked for the same metallurgical company." "What a coincidence." " Hashine!" " Hashine." "Hashine." "He tried to carry it off, but he failed." "Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm the only one left   who finds any fun in ..." "life." "I was ready to continue as we were." " Surely you couldn't bear him ..." " Don't talk like a fool." "I'm sorry, Henry." "It's not your fault." "You were brought up by Angelique." "In any case, he went elsewhere." "Henry, I'm starving." "Oh, he came back later, of course." "He was ... very fond of me." "Oh ... we laughed a lot together." "Oh ..." "Hashine." "My love." " My nephew." " Really." "Really, my love." "You are the nephew of my Mauve Modigliani?" "When I bought the picture, I fell in love." "Then I had to have the original." "I found her in the Bois de Boulogne." "And here she still is ..." "even lovelier than the painting." "When I die, there is only one place for the painting   on your wall." "Thank you, monsieur." "Henry." "My nephew is leaving." "Say good night, Henry." "Bonsoir, Monsieur Dambreuse." "Thank you." "Aunt Augusta ..." "Him?" " Him what?" " My father?" "Oh, God!" "The Crowder money lost?" "Bad medicine." "Ask around if any of his agents have been seen." " I'll ask around." " Discreetly." "I love your auntie, Mr. Pullen." "I'm ready to die for her anytime." "You help the helpless, Mr. Pullen." "I abide with you, too." "Come." " Yes." " It's me ..." "I." "Anything wrong?" "Be prepared, dear ..." "for something terrible." "What?" "One should be prepared, of course, but ..." " One never is." " Oh, my God." " Perhaps I'm running out of luck." " He's dead." "He enjoyed his meal and champagne." "When ... it happened ..." "He was laughing uproariously at Monsieur Le President on television." "In your suite ... a national figure." " The publicity." " Yes, you see the problem." "There has to be a solution." "Mademoiselle, I will not give you one million francs." "Not one franc." "My husband was very old." "I am very old." "Even our children are very old." "It will hurt no one if Hashine's death is made public." "If you choose to stir up a mess, let it be on your own head." " I will give you no money." " You are very hard, madam." " What's your decision?" " Madam ..." " This is my nephew, Henry Pulling." " Of course, madam." "For the sake of everyone ..." "Wouldn't it be best if I escorted Madame Dambreuse to the hotel?" " We can do whatever's necessary." " Without me?" " I'm sorry." "This is for the best." " You will stay here until I return." "My husband's passing was very peaceful." "We had a rich and enduring marriage." "It is unfortunate his last moments could not have been spent at home." "But these last weeks we have had trouble ... with the drains." "A call, monsieur." "Listen carefully." "Pack our suitcases and come over to Wordsworth's room." "We're already packed." "Packed and thrown out." "Splendid!" "You'll be here soon." "Le pistol, Henry." "All our problems are solved, Henry." "God moves in his mysterious way." "A tragedy for Monsieur Dambreuse." "A lifeline for Mr. Visconti." " You stole that." " I reclaimed it." " It doesn't belong to you." " Monsieur Dambreuse gave it you." "Rubbish!" " Use your common sense, Henry." "Crowder will be delighted to take it off our hands." "Dealing with stolen paintings is one of his rackets." "It'll pacify him and we'll realize enough to ransom Mr. Visconti." "It's Madame Dambreuse's." "I do not believe Madame Dambreuse will notify the police." "Not after her performance for the press." "For which I have to thank you." "She'll try and contact Interpol and get the painting back quietly." "Interpol?" "If you do not return this at once, I'll go to Interpol." "You are an accomplice in the eyes of Madame Dambreuse and Mr. Crowder." "I have been shamefully used." "I have done nothing wrong." "Nothing wrong!" "Nothing at all." "Nothing!" "Absolutely nothing." "My poor Henry, you have lived so ..." "So ... meagerly!" "What you call living ..." "your immorality." "Thieving, conniving, lying." "All those men." "La Quindicina!" "Tooley told me what it meant." "A curcuit of whorehouses." "I know what you were." "Mama mia!" "Mama mia!" "I can guess what his father's like." "I despise them both." "You despise Mr. Visconti?" "You ..." "You insignificant, little   branch manager." "Who are you to despise anyone?" "I know the world for what it is." "And I've never despised anyone." "You've spent your life behind a teller's cage   and Angelique's skirts." "When I met you in London, I could barely see your dim presence." "And you presume to despise ..." "Grabbing about with your tubers." "You ..." "You risk nothing ..." "Have given nothing ..." "Have lost nothing ..." "Loved nothing or dreamed nothing." "Take care, Henry." "I am your last chance at life." "You ..." "You malevolent, devouring, old ..." "Henry, I ..." "I apologize." "I'm sure you dreamed many things." "I'm sorry I was ... so rude." " Henry, please." " I cannot continue with you." "You're fascinating." "I've had an extraordinary time." "But you're nothing more than crook." "He needs me, Henry." "He's old, he's poor." "I'm doing it all for love, Henry." "Love does not excuse everything." "I cannot help you further." "Poor Mr. Visconti." "He has no luck, it seems, with either son." "Oh, no!" "Oh, no!" "Oh, my God!" "Mama, mama mia." "All my youth's coming back to me." "Mama mia!" "What do you want me to do?" "Here!" "Mr. Crowder." "All arranged by dear Mario." " But why in Spain?" " It's conveniently near Africa." "Mr. Crowder prefers to transact business in friendly territory." "We're mad, leaving all the arrangements to Mario." " I don't trust him." " You don't." "I don't." "She do." " Is he really Mr. Visconti's son?" " They say." " Senor Crowder." " Mama mia." " Mario." " Mama mia." "Good afternoon, Augusta." "Herr Biechdorfer, Amsterdam Museum." "This is my nephew and this is Wordsworth." " Shall we get down to business?" " Senora, telephone." "Excuse me." " Augusta Bertram speaking." " We've been patient." "This is it." "Yes, but how do I know if ..?" "If he's even alive?" "Augusta!" "Don't do what they want." "It doesn't matter about me." "One more day, Miss Bertram." "84³ south of Torremolinos." "84³ ... south ..." "Write this down." "84³ south of Torremolinos." "Six knots." "Allow seven hours to reach Mautil." "Six knots, seven hours to Mautil." "Four miles west, watch for a signal." " I have the charts." " Good." "Hello." "Hello." "Oh, they are so rude." "Come along." "Let's settle the Abdul fiasco first." " 1,000 in unaccounted expenses." " I recall nothing about accounting." " 11,000 for services rendered." " But the services weren't rendered." "Very well, eleven." "Providing the painting is genuine." "The painting is genuine." "And worth at least $250,000." " Less his piece." " Whose?" " Expenses!" "Only expenses." " He's been paid $5,000." " $5,000!" " $125,000." "The insurance company will pay at least $175,000." "Are you prepared to deal with them directly?" "Henry, a professional count, please." " If you're ever looking for a job." " Thank you very much, sir." "Does Mr. Visconti ..?" "Does he know who I am?" "No, dear ... not yet." " He seduced my mother." " Visconti seduced everybody." "He may have been the most charming man that ever lived." "I may be half Italian." "But I don't have Italian feelings or impulses." "The English environment could wipe out an Italian inheritance, Henry." "I've never even pinched a girl's ..." "I've never done that sort of thing." "You mean to say in all your life, you haven't pinched a girl's bottom?" "Well ..." "Miss Hornbuckle." " It was a long time ago." " What happened?" "She was wearing very heavy clothes and something elastic underneath." " I don't think she felt it." " Africa!" "Miss Bertram ... alone." "Stay here." "Keep your hands where they can see them." "Augusta!" "Ercole!" "Augusta!" "My dear Augusta." "So, you have come to save me." "I'm here, Ercole." "I don't know how we lost contact." " So many years." "You have the money?" " Yes, I have the money." "My darling Augusta, you have never let me down." "Close the case!" "Augusta would never cheat me." "Would you, my darling?" " They didn't hurt you." " My poor Augusta." "You were so worried about me." " Do I know this young man?" " No." "But you know I always travel with an escort." "And why shouldn't you?" "Thank you, my dear." "Come along." " Come along." " I'll have the boat." "You may take the truck." "Thank you, Henry." "Thank you very much." "Thank you, Wordsworth." "You know what makes it easier to bear that a scoundrel is my father?" "The fact that you're my mother." "There, there." "Rather a comeuppance, eh, Mom?" "Oh, Henry ..." "I'm used up." "I'm used up with being used, and using other people." "I don't know where I'm going." "I'm lost." "We have ..." "practically $125,000." "I'm finished ..." "My life is over." "We ..." "We have what?" "Practically $125,000." "The money wasn't really in the case." "Most of it wasn't." "It was." "The man opened the case." "I saw it." "It was a real $100 bill on each end." "But the rest ..." "Neatly cut pages of the Barcelona telephone book." "Even your father wouldn't dare to use a trick as old as that." "Oh, I ..." "I like you, Henry." "I like you, Mother." "I know you and I like you." "$125,000!" "We're rich, Henry." "Now, wait a minute." "I'm a swindler, but not a thief." "We'll buy back that painting and return it to Madame Dambreuse." "Oh, don't be stupid." "She doesn't want that painting now that she knows it's of me." "It shocked you." "It will give her heart failure." " You don't want this money?" " Henry, it's your chance for life." "You can't go back to those dreary dahlias." "All right, Mother, we'll toss for it" " For what?" " The future." "Heads, I live with you and your way." "Tails, you live with me and my way." " Who tosses the coin?" " You don't trust me?" " Leave it to Wordsworth, okay?" " All right." "Toss the coin in the air and let it fall where it will."