"Lucky is the Boy who grows up in a house full of the fairer sex for he will have an early insight in to the mysterious ways of the woman." "He'll learn cool make-up tips." "Enjoy school Princess Martina." "Martin, get up for school!" "General bathroom etiquette." "Fidelma, c'mon." "I'm shitting." "As well as fashion and style." "You're late." "They're soggy." "They were crispy ten minutes ago." "But although this early education did leave Martin very at ease with speaking with girls outside the home..." "Yeah, Frosties on the go again ladies." "What can I say?" "They're grrrrreat!" "It did create some jealousy amongst other Alpha males." "Hey beautiful!" "Hey..." "Alan." "Do you really want to hurt me?" "Yes, a strong tune, Tony" "(WOLF-WHISTLES)" "Good morning Martin." "Morning Padraic." "Ooh, la la!" "Why is everyone acting so weird?" "Well, we're at the point when adolescence and manhood are fighting for supremacy in our ever-changing boy vessels..." "I mean today." "Why is everyone acting so weird to me today?" "Probably because you're wearing make-up." "WHAT?" "Alright Madonna." "Aaaah..." "I kinda like it." "♪ "Where's Me Jumper?"" " Sultans of Ping FC" "♪ Dancing in the disco" "♪ Bumper to bumper" "♪ Wait a minute" "♪ Where's me jumper?" "♪ Where's me jumper?" "Where's me jumper?" "♪ Where's me jumper?" "♪ Where's me jumper?" "Oh no. ♪" "(TV) And the police are making no attempt to stop people as they scale the wall." "I have never witnessed..." "Big week." "It is!" "I've got my first Weight Wishers class on Friday." "Oh right, yeah." "Good for you." "Yeah, it's all change." "Ah yeah." "Sure no harm I suppose." "I'm sorry, what?" "I could probably do with cutting out a few rashers myself." "Liam, I'm not doing the bloody class." "I'm going to be a Weight Wishers instructor." "That's right." "I told you about it." "I know you did!" "We had a lengthy conversation about it, to which I was listening to every word." "You're taking a course or you've got your name down for a certificate." "Alright Liam, that'll do." "Debs, I tried." "You did." "Look I know everybody's giving you a hard time but I'd just like you to know I wish you all the best of luck with being gay." "No, no, this is all just a big misunder..." "Shhhh." "Shut up Pet Shop Boys." "Every other sign in town has an apostrophe on it, Liam." "The thing is, that makes it a possessive noun, Tony." "A wha'?" "Like it belongs to someone called bed." "As in Mr Bed's Beds" "Sure, they're my beds." "I'm not trying to short change you Tony." "I have a spare apostrophe here I'm more than happy to bring down to you, it's just it doesn't really belong in the sign." "I mean beds is just beds." "No now, Liam, I won't be having that." "They are not just beds" "(WHISPERS) Little something for Sir." "Has this been through the wash?" "Don't pretend you care." "Sure, no-one's coming in to the shop, because they think I've shrimped on the sign." "OK." "Alright." "B-E-D apostrophe S." "I'll see you then Tony." "With a full stop..." "But Mam, she put make-up on me." "She was probably just trying to spruce you up a bit." "She wasn't doing it to be nice, Mam." "She was doing it to be mean." "She took advantage of me when she knew the wits about me were sleepy." "She's evil, that girl." "Pure evil." "Like, er..." "Like Skeletor." "Ah." "Here we go..." "Shh." "Hi there." "My name's Jennifer Bakewell." "I'm your Weight Wishers instructors instructor." "So it's like Weight Watchers yeah?" "Well, more competitively priced though." "Ooohh." "What are you talking about?" "my new career." "Food." "What's it all about?" "How can something so delicious make us feel so very, very ugly?" "And fat." "Does Dad know about this nonsense?" "Yes." "Dad is aware of it." "The only weight this family needs to lose is the ten stone witch who shares my bedroom." "Look, Martin." "If you just got up a bit earlier and washed your face, this never would have happened." "Why do you need so much time in bed anyway?" "Ah, would you leave him alone?" "Sure he was probably just playing with himself." "It's only natural, Martin." "Playing with myself...?" "How did they know I was playing with myself?" "Whelan, Staunton, Dalglish..." "Oh, and he scores!" "And the crowd go crazy." "Oh and he scores again!" "Yes." "Since Martin stayed up all night drawing and playing with himself he needed to maintain the length of his sleep-ins." "But he also needed time in the morning to check his face for make up." "What to do?" "It was quite the pickle." "The only solution was to somehow shorten his nine minute commute to school." "But how?" "And then it struck him..." "Ow." "Me head." "The wall." "(ANGELIC CHOIR)" "The school wall ran right behind the Moone house." "So Martin realised all he had to do was hop over the little wall every morning and he'd be in plenty of time." "Free of ridicule and rouge." "Now all he needed was a little support from his imaginary friend to overcome his crippling vertigo." "You think I can make this jump?" "I wouldn't have thought so." "I think I can make it." "I'm a very strong jumper." "Oh you're an accomplished athlete." "Can't argue with that." "I just don't think you've got the balls for a jump like that." "What's wrong with my balls?" "My balls are perfectly normal." "Yeah, let's not go down that road." "It's more like an attitude thing that I'm talking about, buddy." "You've always been a bit safety first." "You know?" "Take your choice of imaginary friend for example." "What's your point, beard-face?" "Hey, you created me, Princess." "And I can destroy you like that." "Yeah, that gesture carries a little more weight when your fingers actually click." "Point being, you gave me my name." "Sean Murphy." "An excellent name." "Most common name in Ireland, but let's not hang on that." "You also gave me my middle name." "Caution!" "Sean "Caution" Murphy." "As in, careful who you're messing with, fool!" "Caution!" "Yeah." "Remind me." "Who is Padraic's imaginary friend?" "Legendary wrestler Crunchie "Danger" Haystacks." "(TV) And the big man from Kilkenny has got him down!" "Danger!" "You hear what I'm saying?" "Padraic would have already made this jump." "Carrying Crunchie "Danger" Haystacks on his back like a Thundercat, no doubt." "Whereas here you are bickering with a man wearing lady's shoes." "Why are you wearing high heels?" "An excellent question." "(SIGHS) I AM a bit safety first." "And so it was that Sleepyhead Safety-First Moone resigned himself to a life of mocking head-voices." "'Do you really want to hurt me?" "'" "'Alright Madonna?" "'" "(WOLF-WHISTLE)" "'I kinda like it.'" "Or did he?" "Feck off, wall!" "Hi-YAH!" "Yeah." "Lovely man your dad." "Huh?" "Lovely man." "Terrible builder." "It's not the size of a man's balls that's important, buddy." "It's the direction they're swinging in." "(TV) Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" "I'd let him tag me anytime" "(TV) You're probably asking yourself." "Aren't you just an affordable version of Weight Watchers?" "And in many ways we are." "So she's up in Longford now, ooh la la." "Living with him, most likely, like the manky cat that got the cream." "Doesn't care who gets hurt." "Slapper, d'you know?" "Slapper, yeah." "Our plan has never been clinically tested, so it's fresher, too, and braver." "Let's start with the basics." "Why can't they just weigh themselves at home?" "But she'll get hers no doubt." "Probably in the shape of some unpleasant rash on her undercarriage." "Mm, undercarriage rash, yeah." "(TV) Strip down and discover the hard truth amongst friends." "But what can you do?" "She's me sister, you know?" "Your own home would be an ideal spot for a weighing party." "Away from prying, mocking eyes." "Martin Moone planned to remove small pieces of the wall every day so that his clueless parents might not notice it disappear from right under their stupid noses." "What the hell is he doing out there?" "(TV) ..." "Demanding that border-guards immediately open the gates." "And then within hours, they began to burst through the Eastern blockade." "Wouldn't mind having a go on your Eastern blockade." "A go?" "You wouldn't mind a go?" "That's lovely Liam." "I'm working here." "Oh, yeah." "Your fat instruction course thing." "I know what it's called." "What's it called?" "What's what called?" "Liam." "What is the name of the weight loss class" "I'm going to be an instructor of?" "The..." "No." "You didn't let me finish." "Doesn't start with "the"." "Fattest Fools." "No." "Greedy Gobs." "NO!" "Chubby Club." "Do you really think it's called The Chubby Club?" "I didn't say "the"." "I knew it." "This is so disappointing." "What is?" "They all said they wouldn't support my new career." "Who's "they"?" "And now you've just proved them right." "I take it seriously." "I am more than happy to starve the arses off the Flab Foundation!" "Believe me." "I am supportive I am." "So we could use the workshop for a class, then?" "My workshop?" "No Liam, the second workshop, that I keep in the back pocket of my feckin' tennis shorts." "You own tennis shorts?" "Can we use it?" "Deb, that's my place of work." "And then, it would also be MY place of work." "Yeah, but come on." "They're not the same thing." "Meaning your career is more important than mine?" "Yeah." "Right." "Weight Wishers." "Wish away!" "What?" "Oh, now..." "Balls." "(TV) The Wall was first constructed by the GDR in August 1961, and was officially referred to as the "Anti-Fascist Protection Rampart"." "You're a rampart." "Martin turned out to be quite a resourceful little runt." "That's it buddy." "Just the right combination of destruction and caution." "I mean what other man could achieve so much with so few tools?" "(UPBEAT 80S MUSIC)" "Maybe there's one." "Would you like to dance?" "It would be my pleasure." "What a knob bucket." "So, ladies, what we have here is a picture of our good carbs, our bad carbs and our ugly carbs." "Now that would be things like spaghetti," "French toast - we know it's French because it's smoking." "Some might say that breaking down a wall just to shorten your commute to school is pretty reckless." "You've changed, kid." "We've all changed Mr Murphy." "Nice shoes by the way." "Heyyy!" "Martin will you get up out of bed?" "Who's in there?" "Oh." "Well - you're still going to be late for school, loser." "You know what Sinead?" "If you spent more time on your own make-up and less on mine, maybe you wouldn't look like such a scabby old spinster." "In 1989, Martin's favourite TV show was Dynasty." "Ha ha!" "Actually, I'm done." "That morning our wall-smashing little hero made it to school, after a stationary breakfast, and totally make-up free, with four whole minutes to spare." "♪ "Don't Worry, Be Happy"" " Bobby McFerrin" "So, the whole school's talkin' about your wall exploits." "They've started calling you the Dozy Bulldozer." "So... you're not doing the..." "make-up thing anymore...?" "No." "That's cool." "Whatever." "I need to go and do...a wee." "With the fall of the wall, people began to pass from East Boyle to West Boyle with gay abandon." "And back again with even gayer abandon." "(ON PHONE) I'd just worry with the nature of the people you're talking about, they may fall through and kill everybody below them, you know?" "No, no, I understand." "Yeah, if it's a weak ceiling, it's really not worth the risk." "I mean, it's fairly weak, and you know, they're big people aren't they?" "OK thanks." "It's not like they'll be jumping up and down." "And as cross-border traffic soared, so did Martin's popularity." "Hey Wrecking-Ball." "Hey Alan Ball." "♪ I wanna be...a sledge hammer." "Oh, well actually I just used a chisel - but thanks, pal." "Love that Tune." "What the F...?" "Alright." "You can use it." "Really?" "Thanks love." "Rebuilding a wall seems like a job for a weight loss group, right?" "Huh?" "Turns out Martin's parents' noses weren't quite as stupid as he assumed." "Martin what happened to the wall?" "Well I don't know." "It must be natural erosion - like an oxbow lake." "Please don't compare the serenity of an oxbow lake to your blatant vandalism." "Look Mam, I'm not pointing fingers, or anything." "But that wall was pretty shoddy to begin with." "Whoa, whoa, I built that wall." "Stop right there." "What do you think you are doing?" "Sure, this is public access isn't it?" "You're climbing through a wall." "What sort of public access has a wall in the middle of it?" "Good point." "You really should get rid of the rest of that wall Missus." "Health and safety you know." "See you later Dozy Bulldozer." "Martin you need to make this right." "This place is like a bloody dual carriageway. (WHISTLE BLARES)" "Oh come on now." "You need to fix the wall." "I can't fix a wall, woman!" "I'm just a child." "Look..." "Don't worry pal." "We'll rebuild it together." "The two lads, eh?" "Butch and Sundance build a wall." "Just like they did in the film." "Yeah." "Give us a hand will you?" "Oh for Fu..." "Weight Wishers?" "Drop a dress size keep them interested." "With the weighing space secured, Debra hit the streets of Boyle." "Spreading her nutritional gospel with her appetite apostles." "Like to lose some weight?" "This is a bit more like it." "Weight Wishers, stop the weight." "Here I'll slip it in your pocket look at that." "Hey." "How long has he been on his break now?" "An hour?" "Unbelievable." "Butch and Sundance my hole." "Yeah." "Well the important thing is that you're doing a really shoddy job." "Oh, the shoddiest." "I'm hoping it'll fall down on the lot of them." "This is boring." "We're literally watching cement dry." "You know what Padraic and his imaginary friend are doing about now?" "No." "Neither do I - but I bet it involves sharks." "And some kind of unicorn battle." "It's unbelievable." "Why did you want to come exactly here to the Brandenburger?" "Well, a year ago we did, looking for freedom, and it was a dream." "Actor, singer..." "Knight Rider..." "Germany-unifier." "I really hope he plays the keyboard on his scarf." "(MOUTHS)" "Hey, I wouldn't swap this for the world, though." "You know?" "The two lads." "Butch  Sundance watch cement dry." "Yeah, actually that's something I just do with my Dad." "That whole Butch and Sundance thing." "Oh, yeah." "That, that, that's cool." "Right." "It's just..." "Yep." "Wow." "Now this is pretty awkward now... (KNOCK ON DOOR)" "Thought you might like a cup of tea." "Oh." "Thanks, love." "Maybe next week, huh?" "Yeah." "That thing in Berlin is on telly if you want to watch it." "Mm." "David Hasselhoff is performing." "No!" "Oh yeah." "The price of freedom." "Yeah." "♪ Morning in June some twenty years ago..." "Him being there really makes the whole wall thing worthwhile." "♪ I've been looking for freedom" "♪ I've been looking so long" "♪ I've been looking for freedom..." "You wanna do the dance again?" "♪ I've been looking for freedom" "♪ I've been looking so long... ♪" "They said the Weight Wishers class was just through..." "What the feck is this?" "So much for the short cut." "We could just walk around the long way." "Walkin'?" "No way, Jose." "Let's just leave it, will we?" "Yeah." "Sure, yeah." "That's probably best." "Yeah." "Yeah."