"[ thunder crashes ] [laughsevilly] [ sawing ]" "[ electricity crackles ] it'salive!" "[ thunder crashes ] [laughsevilly] [ smooch!" "] [ laughs evilly ] youdon'thavetodothis!" "actually,baby,Ido." "Iloveyou." "nevera doubtin my mind." "For the queen!" "[choking] [ explosion ] [ groans ] hedidit !" "[ all cheering ] waypointset,masterchief." "Covenant forces incoming." "you'remyeyesand ears, cortana." "On my way." "Right after I take a quick" "Leak." "detectingenemy-- oh !" "I-I'm sorry!" "oh,shit!" "Cortana!" "Wait!" "Oh, great." "um,enemycombatant 500 meters ahead." "wait." "Cortana,remember 5 seconds ago?" "Did you see my peener?" "I mean, I don't care." "I'm just -- it's just, I'm stressed right now with the" "Fighting, and my peener's a little smaller than usual." "headsup!" "got' em." "Anyway, I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but my peener" "Being that small, that's, like, a super-rare thing." "noted." "You know what?" "I still got to pee just a little bit." "Can I have a second?" "yeah,sure." "Whatever." "Okay, little chief -- time to chub up." "Here we go." "Alyssa milano in" ""poison ivy 2," girl from "cradle of love" video..." "Mmm, nice." "Houston, we have plumpage." "Cortana, cortana!" "yes,chief,whatisthe- " "Oh, god!" "oh,it'scrazy!" "There was an attack!" "Oh, man." "I hope I wasn't shot!" "Uh, head, chest, my peener, that" "Is right now at the length and thickness that represents the" "Usual size of my peener." "chief... sorryifyoucaughtaglimpse of my peener during that." "You saw that, right?" "Crazy." "it'snotabig deal." "[ chuckles ]" "Literally." "pardonme?" "hey,needlepeen!" "aah!" "so,whatareyou infor?" "well,I wasmindingmyown" "Business, eating some food, and then some more food started" "Shooting at me, so I starting eating that food, and then like" "Two more foods surrounded me..." "And I woke up here." "[bleep]food,man." "[bleep] food." "abby!" "We'd like to invite you to join" "The babysitters club!" "All the baby-sitters in" "Stoneybrook join, and the club only takes 15%." "no,thanks." "I have my own clients, and I get" "To keep all the money." "wearebabysittinginthis" "Town." "If we ask you to join, you join." "sorry." "Hi, todd." "I'm here for our date." "listen,I don'tthinkwecan be boyfriend-girlfriend anymore." "Baby-sitter club told me you have aids." "Now we're having a four-way." "wha?" "[ crying ] how could they do this to me?" "[ gasps ] hmm?" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Mom, dad!" "They put a wolf in my closet!" "whoputawolfinyour closet?" "!" "[ gunshots ] no!" "I'll never join you!" "I'll fight you to the gates of" "Hell!" "we'llberightbackwith" "More "baby-sitters club"!" "nowvotingon" "Resolution 765 -- 1% increase in sanitation aid for" "East mongolia." "All in favor?" "together:" "Aye." "resolutionpasses." "Now voting on resolution 766 -- all countries shall bow to" "Dr. Doom." "All in favor?" "aye!" "Now all shall kneel before the" "Might of doctor -- allopposed?" "together:" "Nay." "resolutionfails." "[sighs] worth a shot, right?" "oh,youaresoadorable." "Okay..." "Now take all of your clothes off." "reow?" "!" "visionaries,youshall" "Receive magic in the form of powerful animal totems." "Witterquick, due to your blinding speed, receive the" "Power of the cheetah!" "[roars]" "Incredible!" "toby,yourstealthhas earned" "You the totem of..." "The toothpick fish." "whatthe[bleep]isa  toothpick fish?" "oh,yeah!" "I read about those." "Some guy peed in the amazon." "The toothpick fish swam up his" "Urine stream and into his urethra." "He had to have elaborate surgery." "merklynn,canIhaveanother totem, please?" "Not looking forward to swimming up a pee stream into a bad" "Guy's donger!" "oncethetotemhas been" "Bestowed, it is permanent." "oh,that'sfantasticnews." "[ all scream ] witnesstheriseof" "Darkstorm!" "To assert my dominance over you," "I shall piss on your battered bodies!" "Ahh." "oh,jackpot!" "It's toby time!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Something's in my urethra!" "It is like a bladder infection" "But worse!" "I-I need to get this checked" "Out!" "Toby, you saved our lives!" "Toby?" "Ithinkhe 'sstillin" "Darkstorm's dick." "thatisgoingtorequire" "Elaborate surgery." "comradeobamacutthe defense" "Budget again, general hawk." "I can nix our efficient drone" "Program or the g.I. Joe program that racks up billions to stop a" "Single terrorist group!" "I mean, for [bleep] sake, where" "Were you on 9/11?" "endingcobra'sschemeto" "Conquer america with an evil telethon!" "Oh, god." "I'll see myself out, sir." "goodbye,armyof" "Village people rejects." "Say hello to g.I. Drone!" "♪g.I.Drone♪ ♪ g.I. Drone ♪" "♪ it bombs for freedom without any conscience ♪ g.I.Droneis thecodename  for america's soulless," "High-tech killing machines." "aah!" "holyshit!" "itspurpose-- to bombthe  [bleep] out of whoever, whenever." "Oh, yeah." "We have an erection, too." "hideinthathospital!" "whathappenedto" "Proportionate [bleep] response?" "!" "I only wanted to control the" "Weather!" "♪g.I.Mother[bleep]drone♪ accordingtopassover tradition, I will pardon one" "Prisoner of your choosing." "Will you pardon the murderer" "Barabbas, or will you pardon jesus?" "barabbas!" "Barabbas!" "Barabbas!" "barabbas,youarepardoned." "what?" "Wait, wait, wait!" "Aaaaah!" "wait." "Whichoneisthemagic" "One?" "[crying]I 'mthe magicone!" "notakebacks,chickenheads!" "themidnightsocietyisnow" "In session." "Can you all handle betty ann's" "Scary story, or are you afraid of the dark?" "[ all gasp ] mystoryactuallyhappenedto" "Me." "I call it "night of terror."" "I agreed to a date with a guy, who shall remain nameless, who I" "Did not want to go out with." "But our parents are friends so" "I had to." "It was a shit-show from the" "Moment he showed up in his crappy nissan." "hi,bettyann!" "He was so nervous, he ejac'd in" "His khakis and then ran into a low-hanging tree branch." "aah!" "[ laughter ] hey,don'tyoudrivea nissan, gary?" "what?" "!" "No!" "Yes!" "I mean " "Aah!" "Unh!" "Aah!" "[ laughter ] oh, my khakis!" "forrest,we'vebeenmarried for a while." "Maybe we should spice things up." "Talk dirty to me." "whatdoesthatmean,jen-ny?" "Idon'tknow." "Say something mean." "okay." "You are a [bleep] idiot." "notwhatIhad inmind ," "Forrest." "Say something else, but call me" "A slut after." "okay." "Staying sober is a daily struggle for you..." "Slut." "forrest!" "Just, um..." "Be rough with me." "Don't worry." "I'll like it." "Ow!" "Shit, forrest!" "spicingthingsup is hard, jen-ny." "I'mgonnago getsomeice." "bitchbeoutofherdamn" "Mind." "ow!" "Ow!" "allright,y'all,let 'sget  sexy!" "thatwasaterriblewayto start a grief-counseling" "Session." "yeah." "Howterrible." "honey,lookout!" "Cliché!" "huh?" "[ all screaming ]" "What's happening?" "!" "kre-o!" "They're everywh-- aah!" "run!" "There's something wrong with" "Them." "They look like us but different!" "thisway!" "Hurry!" "Your life has more value than" "Other people!" "Jerry, we need your expertise!" "myexpertise?" "I'm not a soldier!" "jerry,weneedalawyer." "putsimply,jerry,we're being invaded..." "By imitation blocks." "off-brandproductswitha" "Taste for lego blood!" "They're nearly identical but" "Different..." "Wrong." "Like when you sit on your hand" "Until it goes to sleep." "You try to pretend flo from the" "Progressive commercials is giving you an h.J., but you" "Know it's not flo." "You know that!" "She'd never be so clumsy, so artless." "that'simpossible!" "We're trademarked!" "no,general." "Lego bricks aren't protected by" "Trademark." "They're protected by patent." "hell,man,what'sthe  difference?" "thedifferenceis ..." "Patents expire." "Cool!" "Someone turned that legal document into a gif." "That's fun." "isn'tit"jiff"?" "Anyway, how do we stop it?" "there'snothingwe cando." "Don't worry, flo." "I'll protect you." "don'tworry,girlfromthe wendy's commercials." "don'tworry,geicogecko." "theycoveredthewholeglobe" "In no time -- mega bloks, kre-o, best-lock, coco, banbao," "Rokenbok, super blox, and leggo with two g's, which was [ zombies groaning ] ♪legomy baby♪" "♪ lego my honey ♪ ♪ lego my ragtime gal ♪ daddy,arewe safe?" "ofcoursewe are,son ." "People are singing, aren't they?" "Ugh." "That is the lowest form of music." "♪honey,you'llloseme♪ ♪ then you'll be left alone ♪ [ zombies groaning loudly ] theterriblesinging!" "They're attracted to the terrible singing!" "ohh!" "ow!" "fire!" "Fire!" "They're too fast!" "Ohh!" "jerry,I 'vefoundaway to" "Camouflage ourselves!" "thatbeatsmy solution." "Pew pew!" "Pew pew!" "Pew!" "legosaremachinedtoa" "Tolerance of 10 micrometers!" "That's why we're so expensive!" "But this serum will make us look cheaper and sloppier!" "Aah!" "We look like them now!" "I'd..." "Rather..." "Die." "what?" "!" "They have transformers?" "No, son!" "No!" "aah!" "noooooooooo!" "youprobablydon'tevenwant  to go on living now." "huh?" "Oh,thatwas justakid  from my wife's first marriage." "But that looked really painful." "Hit me with the juice!" "[ groaning ] no!" "You turned me into a [bleep]" "Duplo!" "It's the same company as lego," "You fool!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Guys, is this ending working?" "Let's re-shoot it." "[ zombies murmuring ]" "♪ba-bawkbawkbawk♪ ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪" "♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪" "♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪" "♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪" "♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪" "♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪" "Ba-gawk!" "Bawk."