"(Crows cawing)" "(Frankie) Halloween... the most terrifying time of the year, where frightening horrors lurk around every corner." "I got my learners permit!" "Aah!" "I'm 18!" "I get to pick the president!" "Aah!" "I signed you up to work at the Halloween fair." "Aah!" "Brick, why would you volunteer me at school?" "You know the line..." ""sorry, my mom works long hours." "We hardly ever see her." I made you memorize it." "Well, I thought it was okay since you're not working now. (Door opens)" "You didn't tell people that, did you?" "(Door closes)" "(Sighs) If they know I'm not working," "I'm gonna get calls for everything." "Mike, do not answer the phone." "Never do." "(Sue) Maintaining safe speed." "(Gasps) Uh-oh." "Obstruction in the road." "Checking mirrors." "Applying brake." "Beep!" "Checking mirrors." "Re-entering traffic." "Enough practicing, Sue!" "You're gonna have to learn to drive a real car." "I'm not driving you around forever listening to one direction." "I'm starting to like a couple of those songs." "You guys... after my near-death experience accidentally driving the Donahues' car," "I am not getting behind the wheel again until I feel completely prepared for any situation." "(Door closes) Hey, Sue." "Just a heads up, traffic in the family room is horrible." "Good tip." "I'll take the hallway." "(Man's voice moans diabolically) Hey, Brick, what's this I got in the mail that you didn't?" "(Gasps) Oh!" "It's a voter guide, sent personally to me, Axl Redford Heck, signifying my readiness to take my rightful place among the adult, president-choosing citizens of our country." "Do you even know who you're voting for?" "Not yet." "I'll wait till I hear 'em all sing, and then I'll text in my choice." "Good idea." "Your vote shouldn't count anyway." "(Clinks)" "Eh, good enough." "Hi, Frankie!" "I see a happy Halloween in your future!" "Oh, Nancy, you look great!" "Oh, thanks." "I saw it in a catalog, sewed it myself, and saved 14 bucks." "And you look..." "Well, I already got halfway dressed, and I couldn't find the rest of my costume, so, yep." "I'm raggedy mouse." "(Laughs) (Clinks)" "I think it's fantastic." "Very creative." "(Girl) Thank you!" "You know, I cannot get it up for Halloween this year." "I think losing my job and starting school... it just all feels like too much." "I'm supposed to take Brick trick-or-treating." "I just want to open a box of wine and stay home." "Oh, I'll take him for you." "I'm taking Dottie and Shelly already, so it would be no trouble to have Brick come along." "Oh, really?" "I could pawn him off on you?" "You don't think that makes me a bad mom?" "I don't think that does, no." "We're not exactly moving a lot of fish here." "What happens to all the leftovers?" "I know times are tough, but I'm not eating goldfish for dinner." "Well, apparently, fish mom gets to bring home the fish." "Mm." "Fish mom should take 'em down the hall to porcelain pond." "(Laughs)" "(Crowd cheering on TV)" "Check me out." "Just read this whole book, cover to cover." "Wow." "First "Cat In The Hat," and now this." "Hey, you told me to get informed." "But this is, like, way harder than I thought it was gonna be." "Seriously, sheriff?" "(Chuckles) How do you pick?" "I like this guy 'cause he's serious about crime." "But then this other guy's gonna get tough on crime." "(Inhales sharply, blows raspberry)" "What sheriff are you guys gonna vote for?" "Uh, we haven't really made up our minds yet." "What about the city council?" "You liking Paul Delvecchio or Jennifer Farley?" "Yeah, I'm leaning toward Delvecchio." "Oh, are you?" "Are you really?" "'Cause they're both people from Jersey Shore." "You guys haven't even looked at this, have you?" "Okay, so maybe we don't always vote for the little offices, but we vote for the big guys, like president." "You know, maybe it's a good thing that he's studying up on the sheriffs." "He's never gonna meet a president, but I bet money you're gonna run into a sheriff some day." "Might want to take a look at those judges, too." "You two are what's wrong with America." "(Both exhale)" "Maybe he's right." "Mom, dad," "I have done a lot of driving practice, and I think I am finally ready to take the next step." "Finally." "About time you get out there and..." "Picking a keychain!" "(Keychains jangle) Which one do you guys like?" "I've been collecting them over the years, and now that I'm gonna drive, it's finally time to choose." "This one's "one direction." "I 'heart' New York."" "I've got, like, four "Brown County" ones." "(Gasps) This one says "I'm going commando."" "I don't really get it, but I do support the military." "(Sighs)" "Why don't you take the one shaped like a key and put it in the ignition?" "I just want to be prepared." "I'm not ready." "I can't even narrow my keychains down to a top three." "Sue, you are ready." "Remember when you didn't want to take your training wheels off your bike, and we made you?" "What happened then?" "(Gasps)" "Oh, my God." "This situation is very similar to that situation." "I can do this." "(Gasps) I am gonna go drive a car." "(High-pitched voice) Aah ha!" "(Normal voice) I'll be waiting outside." "(Keychains jangle, door opens)" "Oh, no." "(Door closes)" "You're the one that gave the great speech." "Get out there." "Rock paper scissors?" "I worked the fish booth." "Have fun." "(Grunts)" "I thought mom was coming with me." "Well, we rock-paper-scissored for it." "And you won?" "Sure." "Let's go with that." "Okay." "Start her up." "(Seat belt clicks)" "(Exhales deeply)" "(Engine starts)" "Aah!" "Okay." "Now put it in reverse." "Dad, hold on." "I have to go through my checklist first." "Mirrors... check." "Signal... (Click) Check." "(Click) Wipers... (Whirs)" "Check." "How are the weather conditions?" "We're not flying cross-country." "We're going around the block." "This is my process." "Hands at 10:00 and 2:00..." "Check." "(Exhales)" "Dad, I saw that." "You're making me nervous." "I don't want you looking at me." "Look away." "What?" "Look away." "Is the brake in the right position?" "How am I supposed to tell when I'm looking away?" "Okay, you can look, and then look away." "Okay, Sue, this is nuts." "You do realize when you're out on the road, other drivers are gonna be watching you?" "That's the deal with driving." "Everybody looks at each other." "I just want to be prepared for every single possible situation." "There's a million unpredictable things that can happen." "Well, now you're making me scared." "Well, don't be." "When you drive, you have to be confident." "You can't just tell someone to be confident!" "Okay, enough." "Let's go." "You're gonna run out of gas." "Okay, let me just run through my checklist first." "No, no more checklists." "Just go." "Come on." "Pull out now." "Pull out." "(Gears grind)" " What the hell are you doing?" "!" " Aah!" "The car's already going!" "I'm s... it's..." "I just thought..." " (Crying) Aah!" " Okay... mm." "I'm never driving with you again!" "Wha..." "(Seat belt whirs)" "(Door closes)" "So the next day, we tried it again with a gentler approach." "Can I go over my checklist?" "(Seat belt clicks)" "Sure, honey, that's a great idea." "Whatever makes you comfortable." "Brakes... check." "Mirrors..." "Check." "Signals..." "(Click)" "Check." "This is gonna be fun, huh?" "A couple of chicks out driving like "Thelma  Louise."" "I mean the beginning of that movie, but..." "You know what?" "Don't see it." "All right, then." "Here we go." "Why don't you start the car?" "(Engine starts)" "(Exhales deeply)" "Now you're gonna want to shift into reverse." "Stop rushing me!" "(Crying) Oh, my God!" "You're worse than dad!" "(Gasps)" "Honey." "(Door thuds)" "(Seat belt clicks) Ugh!" "(Cries) Honey!" "Ugh." "(Door closes)" "(Doorbell rings)" "So I couldn't teach my daughter to drive, and I let my neighbor take my son trick-or-treating." "But Halloween wasn't a complete bust." "(Children, singsong voices) Trick or treat!" "There you go." "Thanks." "Yeah." "Thanks." "(Mouths words)" "(Sighs)" "(Door opens)" "Hey, mom." "(High-pitched voice) Whoop." "Hey, Brick." "You're back already, huh?" "How was it?" "Awesome." "Mrs. Donahue brought thermoses of apple cider, and then she took us to Orson Heights." "Everyone was giving out full-sized candy bars, and the houses are huge." "Have you ever considered moving there?" "Come on." "Unload the loot." "Mama's jonesing for a Kit Kat." "(TV playing indistinctly)" "Whoa." "Brick, that is a buttload of candy." "I know." "By my calculations," "I should have enough to eat a piece every day for the next year and a half." "(Mouth full) Oh, but you are not eating all this candy." "Okay, tell you what..." "we'll make a deal." "You can eat as much as you want for the next 24 hours, and then we're sending the rest to the soldiers overseas." " Hmm?" " (Exhales) Fine." "All right?" "Come on." "Time for bed." "(Dog barks in distance)" "So another Halloween had come and gone, and I, for one, was relieved." "Mom, I did it." "I completed your challenge." "Challenge?" "What challenge?" "I ate all my candy in 24 hours, just like you said." "You told him to eat all his candy?" "No!" "You said I had to finish it." "No, I didn't!" "(Scoffs) I thought he would eat some, get sick, and not want the rest." "You know, like when someone starts smoking, and you... you force them to smoke an entire carton of cigarettes." "Not really helping your case for mother of the year." "(Sighs)" "How in the world could you possibly have eaten all that candy?" "(Whirring)" "It wasn't easy, but I powered through." "There's nothing left?" "Not even a tootsie roll?" "You know, for the soldiers." "I'm actually not feeling too well." "If I still feel like this tomorrow, can I stay home from school?" "(Scoffs) You're not skipping school 'cause your mom made you eat a ton of candy." "And don't you dare say that at school." "We're already in the system." "Come on, mom." "I'm leaving the driveway this time." "I can feel it." "(Sighs) (Sighs)" " What's this?" " Check it out." "This guy's running for city council." "His name's Harry Butts." "(Laughs) Like, seriously." "It's his real name." "How could we not put this sign up?" "Right?" "I mean you get why that's funny, right, dad?" "(Car engine starts) Yeah, I think I can crack that code." "(Sue) I am calm... confident, and in control." "(Snickers)" "I am ready!" "I am not ready." "What's the holdup?" "She says she's not ready." "Come on, Sue." "You can do it." "Just go." "I will." "I just need to do my checklist first." " Go!" " Oh, stop it, Axl!" "Honey, come on." " I will." "I will." " All right." " Just put it in gear." " (Mike) Come on." "If you just do it, it's gonna get easier every time." "This is annoying!" " Okay!" " There you go." "That's it." "Ease out." "(Crunch)" " Aah!" " Hey, hey, hey!" "You're on his foot!" " Aah!" " Back up!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Put it in gear!" "Keep going!" "Back up!" "Move it forward!" "What are you doing?" "!" " Go, go, go, go, go!" " Is it "stop" or is it "go"?" " Go forward!" "Go one way or the other!" " Move!" "Move!" " You're on his foot!" " Go!" "Get it off of my foot!" "Just let me do my checklist!" "Oh!" " (Frankie) Sue, just get out." " Come here." "(Axl) My foot!" "Sue!" "(Sue crying)" " Aah!" " Oh, my God!" "Hurry up!" "Oh!" "Oh." "Oh." "Aah." "(Crying) I told you I wasn't ready." "Person on crutches coming through." "Oh, does it hurt?" "Let's see." "I had a car on my foot." "Yeah." "It hurts." "Is he gonna be able to play football?" "Not for a while." "Lucky it's just a sprain." "Doctors said if he would have broken it, he'd have been out for the rest of the season." "Which would have meant good-bye, scholarship." "Ugh." "Hey, Axl," "I just wanted to say..." "Get her out!" "I just wanted to say I am so stupid." "Get her out!" "(Thud)" " Oh." " What?" "I'd been dreading the fallout from Brick's candy binge, and as sure as you can say "creamy nougat caramel center,"" "the call came." "(Beep)" "Well, that was the school." "Brick's teacher wants to see us." "(Sighs) Great." "I forced him to go to school after Halloween, and he probably threw up and told everyone I made him eat all his candy." "(Axl) I'm out of chips!" "(Clicks)" "Not now, Axl!" "Oh, God, and we'd made it all the way to November without getting a call from Brick's teacher." "That was a new record for us." "(Singsongy) Hello!" "Chips!" "Well, someone's gonna have to go down there." "Somebody?" "You're the one who challenged Brick to eat 20 pounds of candy." "It wasn't a challenge." "Chips!" "(Clanging)" "Okay." "One, two..." "Fine." "I'm going." "You probably have an idea of why I called you in." "I might." "You see, Brick came in the day after Halloween..." "Okay, I don't know what he told you, but I can explain." "I wasn't even there." "Somebody else took him." "Gave him this huge pillowcase..." "He's been great." "What?" "He has?" "Let me tell you a little about myself." "I am the type of person who likes things a certain way." "I have no use for outside-the-box thinking." "Needless to say," "I have not been a big fan of Brick." "Yeah, he's pretty far outside that box." "But since the day after Halloween," "Brick has been a dream." "All his whispering and whooping gone." "(Laughs) Wow." "You know, when you called me in here," "I thought..." "You know what?" "I interrupted you." "Go on." "Has Brick been put on any medication recently?" "Sort... of?" "Don't need to know." "Just more paperwork." "The point is, whatever you're doing, keep it up." "Okay, here's what I'm thinking... a cupcake for breakfast, twinkies for lunch, and we sneak some MM's into his hamburger meat at dinner." "He's not a dog, Frankie." "(Door opens and closes)" "Hi, mom." "Hi, dad." "How was work today, dad?" "Uh... fine." "Would you like to hear about my day?" "It was great." "I played some four square with some kids at recess, and then we shot some hoops after school." "Anyways, I'm gonna go pick up my room now." "If you guys wanna do anything later, let me know." "Wouldn't want to leave this out where someone could trip on it." "(Dog barks in distance)" "That kid has a year and a half of candy" " coursing through his veins." " He's more sugar than boy." "But it's made him... normal." "I'm telling you, we have stumbled onto something here." "It's like "Lorenzo's oil." People should know about this." "Frankie, nobody ever needs to know about this." "(Sighs)" "Brick might have been on a high, but Sue was on a low." "With one disastrous car ride, Sue managed to not only put" "Axl's football career in jeopardy, but also Orson High's perfect record." "(Crowd shouting indistinctly, whistle blows)" "(Man over PA) Touchdown, warriors." "You know who would have stopped that guy?" " Axl." " Yeah, he would have." "I can't believe his stupid sister ran over his foot." "I didn't even know he had a sister." "How do you even run over someone's foot?" "If we lose this game tonight, it is all her fault!" "This is the worst thing that's ever happened." " I know!" " Totally!" "This doesn't just ruin his life!" "Now she ruined the whole school!" "(REM's "Everybody Hurts" playing)" "♪ And everybody hurts ♪" "♪ sometimes ♪" "♪ sometimes everything is wrong ♪ (Electricity crackles)" "♪ Now it's time to sing along ♪" "♪ when your day is night alone ♪ ♪ hold on ♪" "(Bottles clink)" "Hey, Axl." "Bologna, huh?" "That's a great choice." "(Clatter)" "Hey, you know, I can carry that stuff." "It'd be no problem." "Haven't you done enough already?" "First, you knock me out of football, now you gotta brag about how you're able to carry stuff?" "No." "I mean, I can carry it for you." "Oh." "Look, Axl," "I know how much football means to you, and I would never do anything to ruin that, or your chance of getting a college scholarship." "I am so very sorry, very, very, very sorry for spraining your foot." "I mean, if I could go back a-and run over my own foot with the car," "I would, but I don't think it's physically possible to do that from the driver's seat." "Well, if anyone could do it, you could." "Wait." "Did you vote for Harry Butts today?" "No, I'm gonna do it tomorrow." "But today is election day." "It's only one day?" "Damn it!" "How am I supposed to get to the election place?" "I can't drive, and nobody's home!" "(Under breath) Oh." "(Normal voice) Fine." "You can take me." "What?" "!" "I can't do that!" " Hey, you owe me this." " But I can't." "I am a danger to everyone on the road... even near the road." "Look, this is important." "My whole life, people have been telling me what to do..." ""Sit up straight!" "That cup's not a toilet!"" ""Clean your room!"" "Well, now I finally have a say." "Now..." "I get to tell America to clean its room." "(Slaps pamphlet on table)" "But I'm scared." "What if I mess up again?" "Sue, let me tell you why I'm so awesome." "You see, even when I have no idea what I'm doing," "I pretend I do." "That's why I'm good at everything." "This guy Harry Butts..." "He should be living in a hole." "But he has the guts to put his name on signs all over town and run for office." "If he can do that, then you gotta step it up and get me there so I can vote for him." "Do it for America!" "I just love America so much." "I'll do it!" "But wait..." "I need an adult in the car." "Voting is a big responsibility." "That's why I'm voting for Truman." "I'm driving!" "Oh, good, then I'm not." "(Liquid sloshes)" "So Mr. Walker was teaching a lesson on fractions and stopped to ask if everyone understood." "And then I said," ""I think we get about 3/4 of what you're saying, maybe 7/8." (Frankie and Mike laugh)" "Yeah, everyone had a good laugh at that one, even Mr. Walker." "Oh, can I take your plates to the kitchen?" " Oh, uh, sure." " Sure." "Wow." "He's great, isn't he?" "I know." "(Water running in faucet)" "It's weird, though, right?" "Oh, my God." "It's so weird." "I mean, he's engaged and connecting, but without his quirks, he's just not Brick." "Oh, one more thing." "There's a permission slip in the... (Thud)" "Hey, buddy." "You okay?" "Can someone bring me a book?" "Brick, you said something about a permission slip?" "If people are allergic to bees, can bees be allergic to people?" "(High-pitched voice) Whoop!" "Maybe we can give him a little sugar, on special occasions." "Like SATs or college interviews?" " School dances?" " Oh, that's a good one." "(Indistinct conversations)" "Where's the girl with the bathing suits" "I wanted to try on?" "(Curtain swishes)" "Democracy rules!" "Give me my sticker." "But the most important vote that Axl cast that day was the vote of confidence in his sister." "I did my checklist while you were voting, so we are ready to roll." "(Chuckles)" "Here." "So Axl had forgiven Sue... sort of." "And sugar-free Brick was a lot more like the one we were used to." "Yep, it looked like things might just be getting back to normal." "(Telephone ringing)" "Brick?" "You gonna get the... (Ring)" "Never mind." "(Beeps)" "Hello?" "Yeah, this is Axl's mom." "Oh." "Uh-huh?" "Oh, no." "Really?" "It's the doctor." "He showed the film to a specialist." "Axl's foot isn't sprained." "It's broken." "Like I said... (Thunderclap)" "It's a scary time of year." "(Axl) Aah!"