"Previously on Boston Legal." " You wanted to see me, Shirley?" " I'm very sorry, but you won't be making partner." "Jerry Espenson has been suffering needlessly his entire life." "Now he has a chance to find a measure of peace." "That's justice, Shirley." "To friendship, my colleague." "Right on my balcony?" "I don't want you on my balc- on any balcony  alone with that man." " Okay." "Mornin'." "Hello." "Family good?" "How 'bout those Sox?" "Knock, knock." "Jerry." "Always a surprise." "Shirley." "First, I bear no ill will towards you... for totally screwing me out of partner." "Thank you." "And, uh, no hard feelings here for you trying to slit my throat." "Very embarrassed over that." "Don't beat yourself up." "Wh-What's on your mind, Jerry?" "I want my job back." "I built myself a nice little practice." "Here's a list of clients." " Many are blue chip." " Uh" "Having succeeded in building your own firm, why would you want to come back?" " I miss the camaraderie." " Jerry, you never spoke to anyone." "I've improved in that department." "What is it really, Jerry?" "Well, last week I had a case." "Against Clarence Bell actually- a lovely man who works here." "I was rather ugly in the trial- cutthroat." "I've become more and more aware that's what you must be sometimes... in order to win cases- which I can accept." "But you have to be that way... far too often in order to compete in the marketplace." "Whether it's poaching clients or beating up vendors... it's a very cruel world out there." " Hadn't noticed." " I don't want to be that way." "It's not who I am." "I'll tell you what." "I will think about this." "Any request this outrageous deserves attention." "But I do have a rule of thumb when I hire people." "I need to be convinced they could be happy here." "Oh, I could be." "Shirley, I assure you." "Just the thought of getting to come back here again puts a song in my heart." "I actually walk about singing it in my head." "Y" " You sing a song in your head?" "Yes." " Could you hum a few bars?" " Very good." "No, really." "I-I would like to hear the song." "Well, okay." "On what grounds were you arrested, Mr. Kallah?" "I was suspected of having ties to Al-Qaeda, which is ridiculous." "I'm assuming you're not an American citizen." " I'm British." " Commie." "My sister is an American citizen through marriage." "I'm applying for citizenship." "Are you on a no-fly list?" "I have been." "Went to rehab." "They love me now." "Why were you in Afghanistan in the first place?" "I was there on a humanitarian effort... bringing food, medical supplies to some impoverished villages." " I was arrested by U.S. Intelligence officers." " And sent to Guantánamo." "For two years." "Who won the Super Bowl?" "Lt'll be on the test." "I'm just trying to help, son." "Mr. Kallah, you're a Harvard-educated man, presumably well-informed." "If you've so much as bothered to read the newspapers- which not everybody does, I grant you." "It can interfere with leadership skills." "You know suing for abuse at Guantánamo is next to impossible." " Which is why I've come to you." " Commie." "I was tortured by agents of the United States." "I should get to sue the United States." "I don't know what tribe you're from, sport, but this is America." "Human rights are so yesterday here." "Get with the program." " What?" " Mr. Kallah, you can thank Denny Crane." "He's just persuaded me to take your case." " Have you lost your mind?" " More times than I care to mention, Judge." "And it seems like each time with a different woman." "Are you free for lunch?" "Mr. Shore, it would not be wise to make sexual advances." "I tend to accept them." "Can we turn to the case?" "I've completely forgotten what it's about." "Your Honor, perhaps you could refresh me... over lunch." "It's about you suing the government for Guantánamo abuses- bringing it in state court, no less, instead of federal, where it belongs." "And the courts have rules." "It doesn't even belong there." "It's barred on jurisdictional grounds." "My father used to say to me, "Never accept 'no' for an answer. "" "Of course, he'd spank me if I didn't accept it from him." "Do you spank, Your Honor?" "I jail." "Thirty seconds as to why I should entertain this lawsuit." "Okay." "I realize the jurisdictional barriers are prohibitive, but, Your Honor... we don't let the little things like the law stand in our way in this great country." "The law, for example, recognizes the Geneva convention, but we say the hell with it." "The law has very strict regulations on domestic wiretapping." "We say the hell with it." "The law says if you shoot somebody... with a shotgun, mistaking him for a quail, you really should call the police." " Mr. Shore" " We're cowboys, Judge." "We do what we want... whether it's starting wars, changing daylight savings time." "We like to play it fast and loose in this country, making it up as we go along." " You're not helping yourself." " Your Honor, there's a rumor about you." "Several actually." "But the rumor I speak of is that you give a damn." "That's why I'm here." "If I'm wrong, no hard feelings." "I'm still free for lunch." "I will listen to your client just to determine if I'll even accept this case... on jurisdictional grounds." " You're not serious." " 2:00." "Adjourned." " Don't you be taking your pants off for her." " You read my mind." "I'm serious, Alan." "She's famous for telling lawyers to drop trou in her chambers." "And more times than not, they do it." "I'll only be dropping trou for you." "You are so sweet." "Are you becoming a romantic, Alan?" "Well, now that you mention it." "My God." " Did you know yellow roses were my favorite?" " I asked around." "Six." "You know, I just lost six yellow roses." "This is perfect." " I had a dozen in my office." " Oh!" "And six mysteriously disappeared." " Hmm." " And wow." "This is fate, I guess." "You're the best." " She's not good for you." " Why not?" "She just isn't." "A woman knows these things." "Trust me." " Denny, you're not a woman." " Whatever!" "I don't like her." " You're jealous." " Not jealous." " Denny." " It isn't that." "But it's where you'll be going now for all of your sleepovers." "Not all." "I promise." "I don't like you representing a commie terrorist." " He's not a terrorist." " Can't you just once be for this country?" "I am for this country." "I love this country." "And can't you just once love George Bush?" "Well, that presents a slightly bigger challenge, but I'll tell you what." " Invite him to go fishing with us." " The president?" " Why not?" " Well, I doubt he knows how to fish." "Denny, he's leader of the free world." "Surely he must be capable of outsmarting a salmon." "No?" "I don't want you sleeping with that woman." "And I don't want you attacking my country." " Stop looking at me." " Denny" "I know you're looking at me." "I asked you to stop." " Fine." " All right." "Okay." "I've thought about it, and I still have a few questions." "First" "Really, Jerry?" "Really." "The best times of my life were here." "Which part exactly?" "Being ostracized?" "Turned down for partner?" "The arrest for attempted murder?" "I realize it was all good." "Most office places, everybody's mired in their computers... or BlackBerrys, on their cell phones, even in the bathrooms." "Most exchanges take place by e-mail, text message or I.M." "It's become such an impersonal universe." "Here everyone is so in each other's faces." "I realize now it's quite magical." "Personally, I could do with a little less magic." "How joyous that you people actually know one another." "Could it be any more human?" "No matter where you look." "One's got mad cow." "You've got the funny one who salutes and does push-ups." "There's the transvestite and the girl who loves him." "A dwarf who comes and goes." "And how to begin to explain Alan?" "Certainly you can make room for one lawyer... who keeps his hands on his thighs and purrs." "And then there's you, who's actually considering... rehiring a man who held a serrated cake knife to your throat." "Such compassion for forgiveness." "That makes you the most human of them all." "Okay." "First, that was very good." "Second, it was actually m-moving." "Let me see if I can run this up the flagpole." "It is not a yes yet, Jerry." "But maybe I can cause some of the others here to also lose their minds." " Thank you, Shirl!" " It's Shirley." "You can go now." "My hopes are so high, I have to do a higher hop just to see them." "I know the feeling." " I'm sorry." "I have no comment." "Denny, do you have any comment?" "I have nothing against Guantánamo by the Bay." "I happen to like resorts." "And as for suing the country, well, I think it's wrong, but the client paid the money." "But let me say this." "In no other country... can you challenge the government like you can in the U.S. Of A." "And that's what freedom's all about- the right to express unpopular opinions." "Except if you have Arab blood." "Then it's straight to Cuba you go." " We're in a war here, guys." "Come on." "Denny Crane." "Did anybody tell you why you were being arrested?" "No." "I was grabbed, taken to a cell." "A day later, I was interrogated." "I was able to deduce from the questions... that I was believed to have connections to either Al-Qaeda or the Taliban." "What evidence did they present to support this suspicion?" "I have never, ever been presented with any evidence." "Two years later, after being abused and tortured, I was released." "There again, no reason was ever given." " Did you have a lawyer?" " We were not allowed to have lawyers." "You told them that you had been living in the United States... on a visa while attending Harvard University?" "They were not impressed." "Mr. Kallah, you've stated that you were tortured." "Can you give us an example?" "I was beaten... repeatedly deprived of sleep." "I was forced to wear a hood over my head... sometimes for days." " I was sexually humiliated." " How so?" "I'd rather not go into it." "And what else?" "I was forced to lie in a fetal position... my eyes and my mouth duct-taped." "The worst part... was that we felt it was forever." "We were never gonna be released." "We were never gonna get a trial." "One man-Ali- a friend" "He was arrested with me." "What happened to your friend, sir?" "Finally he couldn't take it." "He hung himself." "He committed suicide." "The Pentagon called it "manipulative, self-injurious behavior... an act of asymmetric warfare engaged against the United States. "" "Was your friend a terrorist?" "No, he was a doctor." "He tried to kill you." "Not really." "And let's face it." "We did sort of screw him." "No, we denied him partnership, which is our right." "He pulled a knife- not his right." "Look." "I know it's nuts, but there were mitigating circumstances." " Oh." " His Asperger's being one." "He's become a pretty good litigator... and we're about to lose Denise to maternity any day now." "We could use the help." "Let's just do it on a trial basis... if for no other reason than to assuage my conscience." "The charitable organization that you worked for was based out of Pakistan?" "Yes." "You're aware that the organization has been linked to Al-Qaeda?" "When you're trying to do aid work in a Taliban-controlled area, deals have to be made." " I said Al-Qaeda." " The Taliban and Al-Qaeda... saw humanitarian efforts as part of the U.S. Offensive." "We saw hungry kids." "We did what was necessary to feed them." "So, would you describe yourself as being cooperative... with the officials that detained you, or hostile?" "I protested my innocence." "If you call that uncooperative" "Thank you." "Now, sir, you were initially detained by Afghani tribesmen, were you not?" "They turned you over to U.S. Authorities, alleging that you were Al-Qaeda." "Afghani tribesmen were offered cash rewards to turn people in." "The C.I.A. Had posters promising millions of dollars." "Afghani tribesmen were surrendering their own mothers." "Well, can you present any evidence that would prove..." " that you were not connected to Al-Qaeda?" " Can I prove a negative?" "Are we being asked to do that now?" "You're making a big mistake." "Tell me." "Nobody cares." "Guantánamo "Schmantanamo. " This is America." "We don't care." "Why is that, Denny?" "United States is torturing people, denying them any semblance of due process." "How did we suddenly become a people who don't care?" "911." "911 just gives us carte blanche to abolish human rights." " How can that be so?" " First, it's so because God said so." "He told Bush." "Second, we don't care 'cause it's happening in some third world country." "We can't relate." "It's happening in Cuba- a few hundred miles off the coast of Florida." "You remember Florida, Denny." "God told them to punch the wrong chad." "Alan, today it's "Help the Cubans. "" "Tomorrow it's "Let's go to Darfur and help the Darfurians. "" "We can't be there for everybody." "That can't make sense, even to you." "You want to make sense of it all?" "Here it is." "We don't care about human rights." "That's the old America." "Now we just don't want to get blown up." "Simple as that." "Eh, torture a few Cubans along the way." "Big deal." "They're not Americans." "Not happening here, so... we don't care." "And the judge won't either." "Oh, she's sexy." "I'll give you that." "And nasty, too, I'll bet." "Think she's nasty?" "She's nasty." "You asked to see me." "Yes." "Take your pants off." " I beg your pardon." " You heard me." "Counselor, do you want me to consider jurisdiction here or not?" "Do you mean to say you'll dismiss my case... if I don't drop my trousers?" "No." "But most of the lawyers are happy to do it, by the way." "I called you in to tell you..." "I'm allowing the government to put on a witness- an army colonel." " To say what?" " The other side." "He'll be taking the stand." "You officially have notice." "That's all." "Do most lawyers really take their pants off for you?" "Why not?" "It's exciting." "For them?" "Yes, actually." "The thought of me looking at them, perhaps getting aroused- it titillates them." "Imagine for a moment me looking at you, Mr. Shore... privately getting aroused." "Perhaps I even give myself away with a look." "Does it not excite you?" "Are you not getting a little thrill just thinking about it right now?" "Not so little." "4:00 p. m." "Be on time." "She asked you to drop your pants?" "She likes to play mind games." "I think it's a way for her to gain dominion over lawyers." " She wants me." " Really?" "Oh, yeah." "She's going through you to get to me." "Alan, oh, she's a chess player." "It's so obvious." "I'm three moves ahead of her." "I want her." "I'll say that." " She's so nasty." " I want her." " But you're already in a relationship." " It's not fair." "I'm very attracted to older women." "And this woman is particularly" "She's there for me." "All I have to do is go to her, and I can have her, and I can't." "That's why monogamy, if it's not against mankind, is certainly against man." "You've already got a judge." "Let me take this one." "No." "I don't want you compromising my case." " Me?" "Velvet glove, man." " Stay away from her, Denny." "You're in a relationship, too, by the way, with Bethany." "Well, it's on again, off again." "Today I'll make it off again." "No problem." "Stay away from Judge Folger." "Good news is Paul Lewiston signed off." "Potentially bad news- Denny." "Denny?" "Denny likes me." "He sometimes pats me on the head like I'm a labradoodle." "Denny has some issues, Jerry." "It seems you've become close with his special friend." " Alan?" " Denny doesn't like to share what's his." "He doesn't even like to share what's not his." "He sees you as a threat." " That's ridiculous." " Bottom line is..." "I can't push this through without Denny's okay." " You and he need to have a sit-down." " Mmm." "You need to convince him... that... you're not out to steal his man." "The public may not like Guantánamo." "They probably don't understand it." " But it's necessary." " Why?" "Because it's the only way we can successfully screen for terrorist threats." "Do innocent people get caught in the net sometimes?" "Sure." "It happens." "If so, we release them." " You didn't release Mr. Kallah." " Mr. Kallah wouldn't cooperate." "Because of that, we couldn't successfully screen him." "He says you tortured him." "Discomfiture tactics are employed." "They happen to work." "In this day, there's a paramount need to get information quickly... before we have another attack like 911." "And I might point out that since Gitmo and the application of the Patriot Act... we have not had another such attack on American soil." "The American public should be grateful for that... instead of waving their arms about, screaming human rights." "You just don't see any gray area here, do you?" "You know the gray I see, counselor?" "Fragments of human brains that used to belong to our soldiers." "What we do at Guantánamo is designed to save their lives too." "Oh." "I've been waiting for that." "It's good for the troops." "You win." "Tell me, have you ever seen any brain matter from a prisoner at Guantánamo?" "That is an offensive question." "I will not answer it." "So, rounding up suspects from various nations... interrogating them at facilities in other countries... or on ships, then sending them off to a remote U.S. Naval base... that's been repurposed as a dumping ground for people... whose civil rights we'd really rather not consider" "It's necessary." "And it works." "Excellent." "I suppose the Boston Police Department is necessary and effective as well." "As are most other police departments in this country." "Would you agree?" " I would." " And if they were to arrest an innocent man, torture him... hold him for two years, they would be sued, and they'd pay." "Why shouldn't the American government compensate Mr. Kallah?" "Because this is different." "We have to be overzealous to have a chance against the terrorists." "It's a war we already can't afford... and if we have to start paying out judgments every time we get it wrong... that means that more kids don't get the armor and equipment they need." "More kids die." "More civilians die." " Snide-ass." " Move to strike." "He's never seen my ass." " Her Honor would like to, so it's a sensitive" " Mr. Shore." "Under the Geneva convention, prisoners of war can't be tortured." " Isn't that right, Colonel?" " They're not considered prisoners." "They're enemy combatants." "The Geneva convention doesn't apply." " They're not prisoners?" " They're more like criminals than soldiers." "Criminals." "Well, the Constitution gives very specific rights to criminals." "Am I correct?" "Such as a lawyer, a trial" "He is not a United States citizen." "The Constitution doesn't apply." "Ah." "So no Geneva convention, no Constitution." "It all works out." "Do they have any rights we need to bother with?" "We are trying to defend a country against terror." " Oh, yes." "For the good of the troops." " Mr. Shore." "Yes, Your Honor?" "Chambers?" "Discipline?" "You think you're funny?" "It's just all this talk of corporal punishment excites me." "Does it not you?" "What you reading?" "You know what Cheney said about the Guantánamo prisoners?" "He said, "They're living in the tropics." "They're all well fed." "They've got everything they could possibly want. "" "Has she asked you to drop your pants yet?" " What?" " Judge Folger." "Has she asked you yet?" "Are you attracted to her?" "No." "If I were attracted to her, or any other woman... would that be a problem?" "Of course you're gonna be attracted to other women." "And you can lust after whomever you want... as long as you channel it toward me." "Actually, I do find Judge Folger somewhat attractive." "For, you know, an older woman." "Fine." "Glad to hear it." "You just said you wouldn't care." "I don't." "It's fine." " I would never act on it, of course." " Good for you." " Gloria" " Don't touch me." "You get punished for being honest." "Of course you do." "The key to any good relationship is lying." " You tell her she's the only one you find attractive... the only girl you want to sleep with, the only one you really want to spend time with." "All kinds of garbage they can't possibly believe." "Women count on us to lie to them." "How else can they convince themselves that they still look young if we don't help?" "Hello, Alan, Mr. Crane." "Jerry, what brings you?" "I've reapplied for my old job." "I want to come back." "What?" "Why?" "I miss... it here." "Mr. Crane, I was wondering if we could speak." "Call me Denny." "No." "It wouldjust take a minute." "Shirley Schmidt has conditioned my reentry on your opinion." " I'll give it to you now." "No." " Denny." "He's too weird." "You see?" "We're off to court right now, Jerry." "Denny will see you at 11:30." " Thank you!" " You disrespected me." "You can see the man for five minutes." "That isn't the point." "You overruled me in his presence." "It's as if your friendship with him means more than" "Here we go." "Denny, for God's sake." "Nobody knows how to fight this war." "It's like no other we've ever encountered." "The one thing that we do know is that we have to be extremely proactive with our intelligence." "It's the only way that we can prevent another attack such as 911." "That's why Guantánamo exists." "And it works." "We've learned how bin Laden has evaded capture." "Now, we didn't get this stuff by saying "pretty please. "" "Torture sometimes has to be used when you're talking about saving the lives of the masses- both civilians at home and soldiers abroad." "Now, do innocent people sometimes get captured?" "Yes." "Mr. Kallah was evidently one." "It was difficult to determine that initially because he refused to cooperate." "But once it was so determined, he was let go." "The question here is whether the government... should be forced to stand trial every time it makes a mistake." "As Colonel Hegarty stated, that would burden the war effort beyond measure... not just financially, but militarily." "The discovery process alone would unearth information that would aid the enemy." "Come on." "A little common sense here." "We're in a war, for God's sake." "Your Honor, I believe a lawyer should put his country before his client." "For that reason, I'm gonna take the unusual step... of asking you to dismiss my client's lawsuit." " Objection." "It's a trick." " It's not a trick." "Even though you argue- and I would agree- that nobody knows how to fight this war... we should nevertheless defer to the executive branch... who have indeed demonstrated a particular expertise." " I, for one, just can't wait to see what they do next." " Mr. Shore..." "I told you I will not allow this case to become a political football." "I give you my word, Your Honor." "Not a single toss of the pigskin." "And, by the way, if one were to condemn Guantánamo- which I would never- it certainly wouldn't be an indictment of just the administration... but of the entire Congress, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama included." "Congress's silence can only be attributed to consent, acquiescence or disinterest." "Take your pick." "But it's at least safe to say they don't much care." "I should mention Joe Biden, because he wants people to know he's running too." "Tell me why you care." "I don't." "I say dismiss." "My client cares, but come on." "He's a whiner." "So he got beat up a little." "Duct-taped." "Sexually violated." "He never should have been over there offering humanitarian aid in the first place." "And then what?" "He expects to be heard, get a trial, a lawyer?" "He wants the government to show evidence." "We're in a war!" "We need to make sacrifices!" "And we should start with the little things- like human rights." "I agree that the executive branch has a particular expertise." "In fact, I think they've been brilliant." "Calling the prisoners "enemy combatants"... instead of"prisoners" so we can end-run the Geneva convention and torture them- brilliant!" "Basing the camp in Cuba so the Constitution won't really get in our way?" "Brilliant." "And under the Pentagon's new draft guidelines" "This is my favorite." "I'm sure it'll be yours." "We'll have little tribunals in Guantánamo... that'll allow suspects to bejailed for life, or even executed... on evidence that would never be admissible in civilian or military court." "Imagine being able to execute somebody on triple hearsay or on a totally coerced confession." " Brilliant." " I object." " If counsel doesn't want to take this seriously" " Why should I?" "Who does?" "The American public?" "The media?" "Who might give it mention if only there weren't so many starving actresses... with drug problems to focus on." "Congress?" "Why should any of us take it seriously?" "We're torturing people." "We're holding them indefinitely." "Many with no evidence, giving them no trials, no lawyers." "It's laughable." "And then when they finally kill themselves, we call it..." ""manipulative, self-injurious behavior, an act of asymmetric warfare waged against us. "" "It's all very funny." "Very funny!" "Maybe the only reason we aren't having a really good laugh... is because the little Gitmo tricks have started popping up close to home." "The recent revelations of F.B.I. Abuses of the Patriot Act... all those bogus subpoenas and manufactured evidence against American citizens" "Maybe it's just ruined some of the fun of Gitmo." "Oh, well." "We're in a war." "We all need to lighten up a little." "What are your intentions towards Alan?" "Denny, my friendship with Alan could not now or ever be a threat to yours." "Not to mention, I'm not going to do anything to alienate you." "You're senior patient." "Partner!" "Look." "Shirley won't hire me unless you okay it." "You still got the doll?" "Patty?" "I want to spend some time with her." " Forget it!" " I won't do anything untoward!" "D" " Dinner, maybe a movie." "I give you my word I will not touch her." "No offense, but your word" "I'll give you something of mine that I hold dear." "Please." "Jerry." "My new friend." "One night." "Welcome back to the team, son." "Are you serious?" "Truth is, I've missed you." "Oh!" "Thank you!" "Gimme one of them little hops on your way out." "Thank you, thank you!" "Oh!" "They say when people get scared... the first thing they'll give up is their civil liberties." "That's why after 911, we were only too happy to get frisked at airports." "Some of us enjoyed it more than others." "But when it gets to a point where people are captured... then tortured, not because there is evidence... but ratherjust to see if there's evidence... and they arejailed in perpetuity, afforded no trial... my God, the court has a duty to step in." "The government's motion to dismiss is denied." "Oh, my" " Thank you, Mr. Shore." " Thank you, Benyam." "I wouldn't expect a jury to give you much." "I'd recommend settling." "Not to mention, this will probably be appealed." "Yes." "Thank you so much." "Uh, where's Mr. Crane?" "Oh, dear." "Why are you here?" "I just wanted to salute your ruling." "Very ballsy." "Thank you." "You can go." " Anything else?" " No." " Nothing else at all?" " Nope." " Because if there is" " Mr. Crane, please leave my chambers." "Yes." "Thank you." "I forgot my briefcase." "I just... wanted to congratulate you again on the ruling." " Ballsy." " Thank you." "So, Hands Espenson is officially back." "I did a little checking." "He's become an excellent litigator and a solid citizen." "We hope." "Shirley, Paul, have a nice evening." "Look-Ah." " Alan." " Hmm." "I'm new at this, uh, relationship game." "Not so much new, I guess, as, uh" "Rusty." "Just so I'm clear, if I'm ever even... slightly attracted to another woman, I should just lie about that?" " Through your teeth." " Hmm." "Really?" "Why would you tolerate dishonesty from your partner?" "I wouldn't." "If I ever catch you lying to me, it's over." " But you just" " No." "It's very simple, Alan." "When you tell me... that you're not attracted to anybody else but me... it needs to be the truth." "I forgot how much they can befuddle you." "Alan, would you listen to me when it comes to women?" "Can you do that, please?" "Why should I trust you?" "You're jealous of her." " You'd be glad if it ended." " I'm not jealous of her anymore." " You're jealous ofJerry." " Well, women I can compete against." "Other men" "Let's face it." "You go for the soft, sensitive type." "That's why I fell for you." "Why are relationships with women so much more... complicated?" "Oh." "Women- Come on, Alan." "Women have this hormone thing." "Much as I love them, they're unstable... which is why they can never be president." "You don't think a woman should ever be president?" "Oh, come on." "Do you?" "In time of war?" "How would a woman handle a 911?" "She'd cry." " You think Hillary Clinton would have cried?" " Well, maybe not Hillary." " But she has a few chromosome issues." "Let's face it." " What are you talking about?" " Alan... don't you ever look at her at times and think, "That's a guy"?" "No." "I find her sexy... in a "preying mantis in a knee-length skirt" kind of way." "You ever mentally undress her?" "I was talking about my relationship issues." "How did we get to mentally undressing Hillary Clinton?" " And so quickly, I might add." " Because it's all related." "I'm gonna tell you something right here and now about women and relationships." "We would never be in Guantánamo if it weren't for Hillary Clinton." "I know the reason's obvious, but give it to me just the same." "Bill Clinton would never have lied in that deposition." "He wouldn't have risked impeachment." "So what if a sexual indiscretion came to light?" "The public would have forgiven him." "But Hillary" "The reason he lied... is because he was afraid Hillary would find out." "That's why he was impeached." "That's why Al Gore didn't win." "And after all that impeachment scandal crap... the public would have elected any fool" "Other than a Democrat." " Cut to" " George W." "All because of a woman scorned." " And they're unstable." " All women?" " Every single one of them." " All shapes and sizes?" "Oh, the fat, the thin, the big and the s" "Oh, for God's sakes." "All right." "Don't tell me." ""Denny, I never want to see you again. "" "Oh." "The little ones are the most unstable." "Women." " Can't live with them." " Can't take 'em quail hunting." "Alan, you're best off with me." "I'm rock steady." " Yes, you are." " Uncomplicated." "Couldn't be simpler." " Denny Crane." " Denny Crane." "You stinker!"