"Gina Gershon?" "Yeah, man." "She was real fine, too." "Did you see her in that lesbian movie?" "Which one?" "She plays a lot of lesbians." "I love lesbians." "Hell, I am a lesbian." "I saw her on Broadway in "cabaret."" "Did you see that?" "No." "Musical." "Oh, that's right." "Too gay for you." "Yep." "Too bad." "She was wearing underwear damn near the whole show." "Really?" "How the hell does Ruben end up dating Gina Gershon?" "They were giving up all kinds of subtle signs." "Like what?" "Giggling, whispering." "At one point, she even gave him a little ass bump." "An ass bump?" "An ass bump is pretty serious." "It sure is." "What's an ass bump?" "That's like a hip check, only softer." "And more meaningful." "So, wait a minute, in real life, she's not a lesbian?" "I don't know." "She might go both ways." "Wow, that would be-- amazing." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "I had a lesbian fling once in college." "Me and my roommate got drunk one night and fooled around." "She was so hot, too." "Looked a little like Catherine McCORD." "You know, that blonde chick from the beer commercials?" "It just wasn't my thing, though." "Wow." "I don't know what to think about first, the Gina Gershon going both ways thing, or the Jan and Catherine McCORD thing." "I'm going for the Gina thing." "Not me." "Not me." "I'm putting the two together, and doing a big combo platter." "Oh, that's good." "Yeah." "I've got to try that." "Uh-Huh." "Hey, guys." "Hey." "What's going on?" "Let's hear it." "Hear what?" "Pip told us everything." "The Gina Gershon thing." "Come on." "Oh, that." "Oh, that." "Like he's dating movie star lesbians every other day." "She's not a lesbian." "How do you know?" "Look, Garrity started this personal security business on the side for moonlighting cops, you know." "So, I put my name in, and I got assigned to Gina." "I'm just covering her while she's in new York." "What about the ass bump?" "Yeah, what about the ass bump?" "What's an ass bump?" "She bumped her ass cheeks against you." "I saw it." "She's very friendly." "She's a really nice person." "She's got a huge lesbian following." "They wait for her at the hotel." "They run up to her on the street." "You should see these girls." "They're gorgeous." "You would never think that they were, you know-- hey, how can we get involved?" "I could call Garrity and tell him to put you on the list." "I'm in." "Sign me up." "Okay." "Al." "What's wrong with him?" "He's already got a moonlighting thing." "Doing what?" "He works in a bar." "Michael, I need your help on a case." "Okay." "Hey, tell, uh, Garrity I'm will to spread a little grease around for a celebrity assignment, okay?" "You got it." "All right." "Same here." "Me too." "?" "This modern day America?" "so she's been hit before and reported it, but she always drops the charges." "Classic." "Only this time it's a little different." "Why?" "Because this time she fought back, and now, no one has heard from the boyfriend in three days." "Hmm." "Any thoughts?" "Plenty." "And they all involve you and your college roommate." "So what is about the idea of two women having sex that's such a turn on for guys?" "Well, it's just like the idea of one woman having sex, only it's two." "Oh, thanks for clearing that up." "You're welcome." "Who is it?" "Police." "Now, would you, please, let me do the talking inside?" "Hi." "Sharon?" "I'm detective McNEIL, but you can call me mike." "And I'm Jan." "I thought that maybe we should talk about everything that's happened lately." "Yes, yes, everything." "We should really talk about everything." "That's a nice top, by the way." "Oh, thanks." "Um, come in." "Yeah." "Um, we should sit down and talk together, and if it'll make you feel more comfortable, perhaps detective McNEIL could wait outside." "Oh, yeah." "Okay." "Bye-bye." "I just couldn't take it anymore, so I fought back." "I stood up for myself." "So it was self-defense?" "Yes." "I can't live my life in fear like that." "Now, I'm afraid to come home, afraid to leave, and now" "thanks." "There's no smoking in the hallway." "I'm here on official-- there's no smoking." "Twenty-first, Manetti speaking." "Pip, it's Adina." "Hey, baby." "Is there something you want to tell me?" "Uh, no." "I don't think so." "If you want me to tell you I love you, um, this is as loud as I can do it right now." "That is not what I want to hear at this particular moment in time." "What's wrong, pip?" "Her birthday was last month." "Our anniversary is next month." "Damn, I must have forgot something, man." "She's ticked off." "Yeah." "Send her some flowers." "They usually work with broads." "Yeah, and maybe some chocolates." "There you go." "Excuse me." "Hey, how you doing?" "Who are you?" "Who am I?" "I'm Santa Claus." "Who are you?" "Get away from the door." "Look, sweetheart-- sweetheart, my ass." "Get away from the door." "Hey, hey." "I'm here on official police business right now, so-- what?" "What's going on?" "Where's Sharon." "Sharon!" "Sharon!" "Oh, god." "It's her." "Her who?" "Sharon?" "!" "Let me through." "Calm down." "Michael?" "Huh, you like that?" "No, don't open it." "She's insane." "There we go!" "Police!" "Stop!" "Break it up!" "Don't cuff her." "She's mine." "Hey, McNEIL." "Oh, great." "Carbello, how are you doing?" "We got a call about some scary looking guy creeping around the building." "That would be you?" "Yes." "Is this your girlfriend?" "No." "No!" "Sharon!" "Hold still." "Sharon!" "You need a little help there, mike?" "Baby, don't let 'em take me." "We're taking her." "Who is she?" "She's my girlfriend." "Girl, you let them take me-- shut up." "Your girlfriend?" "What's the charge?" "Kicking McNEIL'S ass." "Just put her in the car." "Yes, sir." "Just one question, though." "How did she get your jacket over your head?" "She never punches in the face." "Well, that's a plus." "Well, I certainly hope you're going to press charges." "Yes." "I mean, yes, I will." "Okay, 'cause we'll be in touch." "Do me a favor, and just keep this quiet, all right?" "Oh, done--yeah." "Okay." "But how did she get your jacket over your head?" "Get in there." "Hey, what are you eating?" "Birthday cake." "I didn't know it was your birthday." "It's not." "I just love birthday cake." "Where did you get that?" "In the fridge." "There's ton of it in there." "That's my cake." "It's your birthday already?" "No." "My cousin's bachelorette party's tonight, you hog." "Sorry." "That's okay, it's my third piece." "So this the broad who beat you up?" "Who told you that, Jan?" "No, carbello called me." "He called you?" "Yeah, he's calling everybody." "Oh, god." "Hi." "Hi." "Um, is frank in?" "Frank Harrigan?" "Yeah." "Hi, Catherine." "Hey, you big lug." "How are you, sweetheart?" "Oh, I'm good." "Are you ready?" "Yes, I am." "Hey, tommy, will you cover for me?" "We're going to go to lunch." "Bye." "Bye." "Was that Catherine McCORD from the beer commercial?" "Yep." "Frank signed up with Garrity the same time as Ruben." "He got Catherine." "Frank Harrigan kissing Catherine McCORD?" "That's like a buffalo taking a dump on the Mona Lisa." "I'm going to shoot myself." "So that thing with you and your college roommate-- yep." "That wasn't true, was it?" "Nope." "You guys are going to have a pretty hard time getting it out of your heads now, though, aren't you?" "Two-one, McNEIL speaking." "No, detective Sommariba is in the field right now." "Yeah, I'll take a message." "Horace Clark, meet at the empire at five." "All right." "I'll give it to him." "Who is Horace Clark?" "I bet you my left nut that Horace Clark is Gina Gershon." "You know how these celebrities use fake names when they stay at hotels?" "She was born and raised in new York." "Horace Clark was the second baseman for the Yankees when they sucked." "Yeah, back in the early '70s." "Mm-hmm." "Horace Clark, please." "You watch." "Gina Gershon, let's go." "So she was just in her panties and a bra?" "Nah, stiletto heels, garter belt." "Man." "So she was, basically, naked for the entire show." "A big chunk of it, man." "At one point, she comes down to the front of the stage in these little, tiny panties, man." "Oh!" "Man, I can't believe you didn't tell me about this." "You don't like musicals, man." "You hate them." "Too gay for you." "No, man, the too gay thing is superceded by the Gina Gershon in her panties thing." "Everybody knows that." "It's one of the rules." "Detective Phillips." "Are you sure you don't have something you want to say to me?" "I know I'm supposed to be saying something to you." "I just can't figure out what it is you want me to say." "What the hell is that about?" "I don't know, man." "She's upset about something." "See, that's what I love about my wife, man." "When she hates my guts, she lets me know exactly why she hates my guts." "There's no games, no hinting around." "She goes right to the two weeks of screaming and yelling and no sex." "Isn't that nice?" "So Sharon refused to press charges." "She always does." "Yeah." "Well, I tell you what, next time we get a phone call saying that you knocked her around," "I'm going to hunt you down and kick your evil, little ass." "Wait for me in the car, man." "Hey, man, I want to meet Gina, too." "Look, you already watched her dance around in her underwear for two hours;" "how much more do you want?" "Just, you know, hang out, and talk to the lesbians." "What do I have to say to a lesbian?" "Just think of something you both have in common, like "cabaret."" "Who is it?" "It's detective McNEIL from the Nypd." "Ruben sent me." "Hi." "Hi." "Ruben sent me because he wanted to make sure you were covered while he was, you know-- oh, that's sweet." "I'm Gina." "Hey, I'm mike." "Come on in." "Okay." "Boy, you have a lot of flowers, huh?" "Oh, yeah." "My fans, they send them to me, especially the women." "They send such beautiful things." "Yeah, there's a lot of women downstairs." "Yeah." "And they're great." "It's just that one that makes me a little bit nervous." "She's a little bit crazy." "Nothing to worry about." "We're here." "I'm here." "Yeah." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "You're very dapper." "Oh" "I've never realized how sexy new York cops were." "Well, you know-- do you want something to drink?" "Sure." "Water, red bull?" "A coke would be great." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Yep." "Yep." ""Bound," that was a great movie--"bound."" "Oh" "I liked you in that." "Oh." "Thanks." "Yeah, and I saw you in "cabaret."" "You did?" "Yeah, I saw it, like, five times." "You did not." "Yeah, I did." "Well, I--you know what?" "I think I saw it eight times-- eight times." "Really?" "What was your favorite part?" "Um, well, it would be hard to pick." "I mean, I just loved the singing, and the dancing." "Yeah?" "You liked the dancing part?" "Do you like to dance?" "Yeah, I, uh, dance." "Yeah?" "You a good dancer?" "I'm no Michael Jackson, but" "Will you do the hustle every now and then?" "Yeah." "I've got to go change, so just make yourself comfortable." "Okay." "Wow." "Are you here with your girlfriend?" "Yeah." "I'm here with, like, two of my girlfriends." "You have two girlfriends?" "Yeah, I have, like, a lot of girlfriends." "Yeah?" "It's me." "Hey, man, these lesbians are off the hook." "Gina gershon's off the hook, man." "She just gave me the ass bump, like, three times." "When?" "Just now." "You've been up there, what, five minutes?" "That's like the world ass bump record." "I know." "I know." "Wow, maybe that's her thing." "What do you mean?" "Maybe she gives everybody ass bumps, you know, like those chicks in the '70s always doing the hustle?" "You okay out there, mike?" "I'm fine, Gina." "That was her." "This is not her thing, man." "She gave, like, you know, definite ass cheek to ass cheek action, like, three times." "With a little extra rub on the last one." "A rub?" "Yeah, it was a definite rub." "Wow." "Hey." "I would love you to tie me up, do you mind?" "No." "Thank you." "Here you go." "Oh, okay." "That's in the back." "A little bit, yeah." "That's" "There you go." "All right." "So, mike, are you single?" "Yes." "Yes, I am, Gina." "Hmm." "Do you want me to get that?" "Do you mind?" "No, not at all." "Thanks." "I'll just get my-- okay." "What are you doing here?" "What are you doing here?" "What are you doing here?" "Garrity said you were supposed to go pick up frank and that Catherine McCORD, the beer chick, at the precinct." "Now, go." "You've got to go." "Go!" "Mike, let me in." "Come on, mike." "No." "Mike, let me in." "Come on, mike." "Come on." "What are you guys doing?" "What's going on?" "We're wrestling." "We're on the wrestling team together at work, and so we were just kidding around." "Well, that's nice." "I saw her in "cabaret."" "Yeah, eight times." "But you hate musicals." "No." "No." "I hate bad musicals." "Okay, "cabaret"--great." "You're just bummed out because you didn't see it once." "You didn't see it?" "She was in it for, like, six months." "I missed it." "You missed a great night in the theatre, my friend." "I'll get that, my lady." "He's so hot." "Is he gay?" "Uh, yeah." "Kiki, what are you doing here?" "Hey!" "Gina!" "Gina, I love you!" "You guys!" "I love you." "I want to have your baby." "You've got to let go." "Let go!" "Let go." "Kiki!" "Kiki!" "Kiki, get off her." "You know this woman?" "Oh, my god." "Gina, please, please, please-- get off me, I can't breathe." "No, no, you can't have her." "She's mine." "I can't breathe." "No." "Gina!" "I'll buy you a condo, an island, anything." "Are you alright?" "Well, yeah, I'm fine." "I don't know what you guys are doing." "How did you let this woman-- and you know her?" "Not really." "I" "Look, I can explain." "Oh, flowers and chocolate." "This must be pretty serious, Terrence." "Alright." "Sylvia-- oh, my god." "Oh, no." "It's not what you think." "She was the only girlfriend I ever really had before I met you." "When?" "My parents rented this cabin up at this lake upstate." "It was a black lake." "I mean, a lot of black families went there, and we met, we dated for a few weeks, and a couple of days ago out of the blue, I just run into her 26 years later." "I mean, I get out of the car, bam, there she is." "I mean, she recognized me and we got to talking and she slipped me her number." "She's divorced." "So why didn't you tell her you just could not accept her note, that you were married happily to your wife of 25 years." "We didn't talk that long." "It was like a minute." "So how serious was this relationship?" "It wasn't a relationship;" "it was a sex thing." "A sex thing?" "No." "No." "Not a sex thing." "But I thought I was your first." "You were." "I was 17." "It was touching and groping." "Touching and groping what?" "You know." "Body parts." "Body parts?" "I mean, well, it was like kissing and feeling and touching and stuff." "Stuff?" "Yeah, stuff." "You know what really hurts, Terrence?" "Is that you did not tell me this." "It's the dishonesty that makes me feel like you've been trying to hide something." "Baby-- oh, no, no." "Maybe in a week or so when I can fully understand why you felt the need to hide this stuff." "Then and only then can we try to put this behind us." "I came here last week, and the next guy is so cute, and he is packing, if you know what I mean." "Really?" "Officer Antonio." "Oh, he's a cop?" "?" "It's raining men, hallelujah?" "?" "it's raining men?" "?" "amen?" "?" "I'm going to go out?" "?" "I'm going to let myself get absolutely soaking wet?" "?" "it's raining men?" "oh, this is going to be good." "Ahhh." "What exactly did Garrity say?" "He said meet him here at nine o'clock." "Can't be guarding Gina, could it?" "I doubt it." "Unless he wants me to apologize to her or something, huh?" "Hey." "Hey." "What's the deal?" "I've got you a gig." "Doing what?" "Big act." "They're very hot right now." "He's a guy." "Luck of the draw, McNEIL." "Luck of the draw." "Think you can keep the girlies off him?" "You that cop that got beat up by the girl?" "Who told you that?" "Garrity told me." "Scott wolf, mike McNEIL." "I won't shake your hand." "I wouldn't want to hurt you." "Do me a favor." "Take him to the van safely." "I got him." "This is your last chance." "Don't screw this up." "I'm not going to screw up." "This sucks, by the way." "Frank gets a girl, and I get him." "Who is he?" "Come on, man." "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god." "Lesbians, huh?" "They must have switched teams during the night." "Hey, how are you guys doing?" "Where's Scott?" "Did you have a good night last night?" "You've got great trousers there." "I've got a little something for 'em."