"Let's... discuss... acting..." "What about acting?" "Oh, yes." "Any questions?" "One time, my brother painted part of his body purple." "Well, why did your brother paint part of his body purple?" "He had a job interview." "He didn't get it." "Wait, wait, wait." "Would anyone be interested in seeing the cast list." "For our little play called steamboat Suzy?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "You know it." "I got the lead, right?" "Pardon?" "I'm playing Suzy, right?" "Did you get the lead?" "I don't think she got it." "So who's playing Suzy?" "Me." "Yeah, her." "That." "She got the lead." "Well, what part did you get?" "I got cheated and humiliated." "You get used to it." "All right, now chill down." "Let's see." "It says right here, "jade West, understudy." "For the role of Suzy."" "Oh, yee-hoo." "Like it's my dream to be Tori's understudy." "What's an understudy?" "Oh, man." "Um, an understudy is like a back-up actor." "So if you get sick or something, your understudy takes over." "For your part in the play." "Yeah, yeah, if you get sick or go missing." "Or get hit by a bus." "Uhhh." "Uh, she can't drive a bus, right?" "♪ Here I am once again ♪" "♪ feeling lost but now and then ♪" "♪ I breathe it in to let it go ♪" "♪ and you don't know where you are now ♪" "♪ or what it would come to ♪" "♪ if only somebody could hear ♪" "♪ when you figure out how ♪" "♪ you're lost in the moment ♪" "♪ you disappear ♪" "♪ you don't have to be afraid ♪" "♪ to put your dream in action ♪" "♪ you're never gonna fade ♪" "♪ you'll be the main attraction ♪" "♪ not a fantasy just remember me ♪" "♪ when it turns out right ♪" "♪ 'cause you know that if you live ♪" "♪ in your imagination tomorrow you'll be ♪" "♪ everybody's fascination ♪" "♪ in my victory ♪" "♪ just remember me ♪" "♪ when I make it shine ♪" "Mmm." "I swear, I don't know why granny Smith apples get a bad rap." "This is one of the best apples I've ever eaten." "Looks like granny Smith broke her hip." "Why did you smush his apple?" "'Cause I felt like it." "Ah, she's still all mad 'cause Tori got the lead." "In steamboat Suzy." "Ha, ha, ha, ha." "You wanna talk about it, baby?" "Hey boys and squirrels." "Squirrels does sound like girls." "Hey, after school, you guys wanna go get some Sushi at nozu?" "Sure." "Sounds good." "Not with you." "You know, actually my tummy has been feeling kind of weird." "These past couple of days." "Ah, it's always something." "Who's this?" "Hello?" "Yeah, this is Tori." "You... wait, how did you get my number?" "Who is it?" "Some guy who works for lady gaga." "Ah." "Whoa." "Sshh." "Sshh." "Hi, sorry." "She is?" "Really?" "What's he saying?" "They're doing a new music video next Friday, and they're looking for dancers and back-up singers." "Wait, but aren't you doing steamboat Suzy next Friday?" "Yeah." "Look, I'm starring in a play that night so I... oh my God." "You're gonna turn down a job in a real music video." "Just to be in some little play here at school?" "Well, I guess I could blow off the play." "Oh, yeah." "And then Jade will get to play your part." "Yeah, I... yeah." "She would, wouldn't she?" "Hello, sir." "Yeah." "I was wondering..." "Ahh!" "Ah." "Sinjin." "Jade made me do it." "She promised me $30 and a complete makeover." "Well, you failed." "So now you don't get $30, and you get to keep looking like that." "You made sinjin try to trick me into missing the play." "So you could steal my part?" "Okay." "I am not gonna just stand here and listen to you accuse me." "Of things I clearly did." "You have anything to say to me?" "Teach me to dance." "No." "Jade tried to steal my part in Steamboat Suzy." "P.S:" "I will not teach Sinjin to dance." "Feeling:" "Cranky." "Captain." "Captain, the storm is getting worse." "You think I can't see that?" "Now get down below before anything else happens." "Oh, okay, oh..." "Captain, you've been hit by lightning." "I can't get up." "You better dock the boat." "We're not docking." "I'll Captain this boat." "You?" "Don't be ridiculous." "That little girl is sick." "Help me." "Please, help." "We've got to get her to new Orleans by daybreak." "You can't Captain a boat." "You're just a woman." "I may be a woman but that doesn't mean I'm not the best dang." "Steamboat Captain this here River's ever seen." "♪ Now men will always tell you ♪" "♪ how they do it all ♪" "♪ while women do the work ♪" "♪ you never see ♪" "♪ but so as it would happen ♪" "♪ you're in great need ♪" "♪ of a Captain ♪" "♪ oh, a Captain ♪" "♪ and that Captain is me ♪" "♪ and so as it would happen ♪" "♪ we're in great need ♪" "♪ of a Captain ♪" "♪ well, a Captain ♪" "♪ yes, a Captain is she ♪" "Hold." "Cut, cut, cut." "Can I help you?" "Yeah." "I got flowers for Tori Vega?" "Me?" "Huh." "I wonder who would've sent me flowers... oh, Tori, those are bush daisies." "Ahh!" "What's up?" "I'm way allergic to bush daisies." "Like if I get anywhere near them, my whole face." "Starts swelling up, and I start sweating and shaking..." "Well, who would've sent you bush daisies?" "I don't know." "Or maybe I do." "How did you know I was allergic to bush daisies?" "I do my research." "You looked up my medical records?" "I'll answer that right after you stick your face." "In those bush daisies." "Listen to me." "I'm doing this play." "I auditioned, I got the lead, and I'm doing it." "I don't care what you do." "All right." "Pick it back up where we left off." "Trina." "Yep?" "I wasn't believing your cough." "You need to really sell the tuberculosis." "Uh, like this?" "Yeah, that's not good." "Hey, hey." "Robbie's in the hospital." "What?" "What's wrong with him?" "I don't know." "His stomach was hurting really bad, so an ambulance took him." "To the emergency room, and they x-rayed him." "And what'd they find?" "Well, according to this text message from Rex, it says, "there's a car parked in Robbie's butt."" "Oh my God." "I don't know what that means." "Well, who would?" "Is Robbie gonna be okay?" "I don't know." "His parents are in Boca, so I'm gonna head over to the hospital." "Well, can we come?" "We wanna see Robbie." "Sikowitz?" "Yes, of course, but the play starts at 7:30." "We'll be back way before then." "Come on." "Okay." "Bye." "Whoa, wait, Jade." "What?" "Is this just another trick to get me out of the play." "So you can steal my part?" "No." "And what if you're lying?" "Fine." "I'll go to the hospital, you stay here." "Okay." "Wait." "What?" "How do I know that you're not tricking me by having me stay here." "While you go to the hospital..." "Both of you go to the hospital." "All right." "We'll both go." "Ohhh." "So, how you feeling?" "Not good." "I have a sharp pain in my lower abdomen..." "Rob, Rob, Rob, listen." "What?" "I don't care." "Oh." "Hey, guys." "There's a car parked in Robbie's butt." "Quit saying that." "Robbie, you wanna explain?" "Well, when I was seven years old, I took my favorite." "Little toy car to school, and a scary bully made me swallow it." "Yeah, she was real scary." "Remember how she kept whupping you with her ponytail?" "They were braids." "So, wait, this little toy car, it's been inside of you." "For almost 10 years?" "Uh-huh." "So this little car, why won't it just, you know, back out?" "Well, the doctor says it's stuck in my small intestine." "That's my X-ray right over there." "Oh." "Oh, yeah, that's a car." "Yep, that's... what kind of car is it?" "Looks like a sports car." "Yeah, it's a Pontiac." "Oh." "That's humiliating." "Excuse me." "Robbie's parents are on the phone in reception." "Oh, good." "Robbie, I'll see you in a few." "Thanks, lane." "Hey, do you have any lotion?" "Lotion?" "So, is there anything we can do to help?" "Shhh." "Listen." "That is some juicy coughing and hacking." "So?" "I'm playing the role of a little girl with tuberculosis, and I want my coughing and hacking to sound realistic like his." "Wait till I get there." "Come with me." "Kay-kay." "Oh my goodness, Robbie." "I didn't realize you were so popular." "Are you his girlfriend?" "No." "Are you?" "Okay." "Why don't you go down the nursery and scare." "The newborn babies?" "Oh." "Where are the babies?" "Uh... so, doc, what's the situation with Robbie?" "Well, do you see this tear in his small intestine?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Well, if that Pontiac moves, it could rip that kid's guts apart." "So slice him open and yank it out." "Well, we would, but Robbie has a rare blood type, o-negative." "Oh." "Negative." "And we don't have enough here for the surgery." "So how do you plan to... whoa." "Whoa." "I know where he can get some o-negative blood." "Where?" "Right here." "I'm o-negative?" "You did go through my medical records." "Told you I do my research." "Would you be willing to donate blood for Robbie's operation?" "Sure." "Totally." "But the play starts in three hours." "Oh, you're in a play?" "Yeah, at school." "I'm the lead." "Well, don't you have an understudy, someone that could take." "Your place?" "Yeah, she does." "A lady is about to take my blood." "I hope she's nice to it." "Feeling:" "Nervous." "Is this gonna hurt?" "Probably." "Marlon, put your teacher on the phone right now." "How much blood are you gonna need?" "Take a lot." "Whatever you don't use, just put it in a jug." "And send to my house." "Get out." "No." "I'm leaving." "Hey, my heart's got a nice beat going." "Go heartbeat." "Yeah." "Mmm-hmm." "Listen." "I'm starring in a play tonight at 7:30." "I'll be okay to do it, right?" "Yeah." "You're only giving one pint of blood." "It'll take a few minutes." "You'll be fine for your play." "Well, who gave him the mustard?" "Hi." "We're back." "How was the dude with tuberculosis?" "Oh, he just had stupid pneumonia." "Boo." "Ahh!" "Was that loud?" "Will you let me know when you're about to stick." "The needle in my... ♪ oh and there's a needle ♪" "♪ in my arm ♪" "Hey, hey, I need to learn the proper way to cough and hack." "Are there any patients with tuberculosis in this hospital?" "Seventh floor, north wing." "Thank you." "Get away from me." "Cat, come with me." "Don't bother sick people." "Bye." "Ahh!" "Let's see." "Oh." "Stage three tuberculosis, score." "Hey, hey, hey." "Sir, sir, shut up." "Shh-shh-shh-shut up." "Shut up." "Shut up." "Shh-shh." "Shut up." "Shut up." "Shut up." "Do you mind if I record your coughing and hacking?" "I'm Cat." "Yes." "Hack it up." "Okay." "I'm gonna try it just like that." "Yeah." "Hey, do me a favor and take this blood to O.R. room 15?" "Kid named Robbie Shapiro needs it for surgery." "No problem." "I'll take it up as soon as I'm done filling this up." "Thanks." "Ooh, still warm." "Don't be creepy." "Watch your back." "Food coming through." "One pint of my blood" " Gone." "Does it miss me?" "Soon I shall be Steamboat Suzy!" "Feeling:" "Pumped." "This should take the pressure off his lower abdomen." "Interesting." "Is that better?" "Yeah." "Thanks, doc." "So you gave blood?" "A whole pint." "You are ready for surgification." "Who's sweet like Taffy?" "I don't know." "It's you." "You're silly." "Dr. Schneider, please call the nurses' station." "Dr. Schneider, please call the nurses' station." "You lost her blood?" "What?" "It wasn't my fault." "It was that creepy male nurse with a beard." "But, we got to have type o-negative blood." "Or we can't operate on this boy." "I understand." "I understand." "Do you mind giving us another pint of blood?" "Another whole pint?" "Is that safe?" "Oh, sure." "Will she still make it back for her play on time?" "It starts at 7:30." "I'm steamboat Suzy." "Won't be a problem." "Let's go." "Don't worry, you'll be better soon." "Thanks, Tori." "Um, and, Robbie..." "Yeah?" "Spongebob underwear?" "All right." "Double time, people." "This play starts in less than one of your earth hours." "We're back." "Cat, hurry." "Go help sinjin with the lighting cues." "Kay-kay." "Where's Tori?" "Still at the hospital." "What?" "They lost her blood, so they're takin' some more." "Well, she better bleed fast." "And where is Jade?" "Somebody looking for the best dang steamboat Captain." "This here River's ever seen?" "Why are you wearing Tori's dress?" "'Cause she's playing hospital, so I'm playing Suzy." "Tori's gonna be back in plenty a'time." "Oh, then I'll just keep her dress warm." "Ahh, now that cough sounded nice and thick like cottage cheese." "Very realistic." "Yeah, 'cause a diseased man really gave me tuberculosis." "Yes." "If you believe that, the audience will too." "Giving another pint of blood now." "Then on my way to Steamboat Suzy!" "Feeling:" "Relieved." "All done?" "All done." "Good." "Wow, two pints of blood in one day." "Yeah." "So you better drink your juice and eat your cookie." "So you won't feel faint." "But you ate my cookie." "Just drink your juice." "Hey, there's my little blood angel." "Robbie, why are you out of bed?" "I don't know." "I just felt kind of bad that you had to give more blood for me." "No worries, already done." "Thar she is." "Oh yeah." "Let me see." "Wow." "It's like I'm holding liquid you in my hands." "Okay." "Oh sweet." "Did you know if you hold blood up against the light, you can totally see all the..." " I, um..." " Get the nurse." "We'll get the nurse." "Faster." "Now I gotta give another pint of blood!" "How will I be Steamboat Suzy?" "!" "?" "!" "?" "Feeling:" "Freaked Out." "We're not..." "We're not docking." "I'll park the boaty." " You..." " Yikes, Tori does not look good." "Agreed." "It's not her fault." "They took three pints of blood out of her." "That little... that little girl is sick." "Help me." "Please help me." " We got to get her to..." " New Orleans." "New more beans by darg-bark." "Help." "You can't Captain the boat." "You're just a woman." "You... you made me a woman, but that doesn't mean" "I'm not the best ding-dang robot Captain that this River's ever." "Yeah." "♪ Now, men will always ♪" "♪ la, la, la, la, la, la ♪" "♪ while women all ♪" "♪ da, da, da, da, Dee ♪" "♪ and so I'm not a Captain ♪" "♪ I'm pretty little salmon ♪" "♪ ohh ♪" "Curtain, curtain." "Um, we'll be taking a brief intermission." "Poor Tori." "Yeah." "I'll go get her dress off." "No." "She can't play the role, and I'm the understudy." "I don't care." "You've been acting like a gank all week." "I'm not going to reward you by letting you play the lead." "There's an audience out there." "The show must go on." "Yes." "Yes, it must." "And must it shall." "You can't Captain a boat." "You're just a woman." "I may be a woman, but that doesn't mean I'm not the best dang." "Steamboat Captain this here River's ever seen." "♪ Now men will always tell you ♪" "♪ how they do it all ♪" "♪ and women do the work ♪" "♪ you never see ♪" "♪ so as it would happen ♪" "♪ you're in great need ♪" "♪ of a Captain ♪" "♪ oh, a Captain ♪" "♪ and that Captain is me ♪" "♪ and so as it would happen ♪" "♪ we're in great need ♪" "♪ of a Captain ♪" "♪ well, a Captain ♪" "♪ yes a Captain is she ♪" "Did they get the Pontiac out of Robbie?" "They sure did, Tori." "Yay." "♪ Yes a Captain is she ♪" "Me."