"The October storm barred with double barral, low- pressure system is being classed as the most intense so far this wet season." "Travelers warning for flash flooding, high winds and severe thunderstorms have been issued by the weather bureau." "And the motorist is advised to take extreme caution as already the road conditions have become treacherous." "Especially in those areas where the highways crossare or near rivers or other major bodies of water." "I repeat:" "The weather bureau has issued travelers warnings for flash flooding, high winds and severe thunderstorms." "The motorist is advised to take extreme caution as road conditions have already become treacherous..." "Get the hell out you goddamn puppet!" "You're nothing but a puppet for the weather bureau and they pull the strings that makes yourmouth go and down." "bet you don't even know what the hell an actibar is!" "And don't go telling me it's some kind of a popsicle, cause it ain't." "I've got schooling, me." "I'm no dummy!" "Charlie says that." "Charlie didn't want no dummy for a wife" "and I didn't want no Charlie McCarthy for a husband either." "I wanted Charlie Hammond and I wanted to be Mrs. Gert Hammond." "Wife of Charlie." "Charlie's woman." "Forever." "Notjust till they came." "Stinking windshield wipers don't make a damn of a difference." "I shouldn't be toting around mammals night like this." "Why the hell didn't that crummy circus give that amphibian case?" "Quiet down Samson!" "You might be king of the jungle in Africa but in this circus you ain't nothing but a bozo." "Every time I see that trainer putting' those hula hoops on you and he see those kids screaming with the cracker-jacks flying out of their mouths and see the cotton candy sticking to their chins it makes me sick, sick Samson!" "I wanna puke on 'em." "God knows it wouldn't make any difference." "Not with all the mustard and ice cream dripping down their fat little necks." "You can't even tell between the freckles and the mashed popcorn." "No Medusa.I, I wasn't talking about you." "Gorillas are different from little children." "They have more hair." "Don't know what he's carrying but whatever they are they sure are hungry." "Hi stranger!" "No need to ask if you need a lift.We all need one in this kind of weather." "The real question, the 64 000 dollar question is how high you wanna get." "What are you, a junkie?" "The only junk I carry is on my wrist." "And what do you have in those two crates?" "Just something I picked up when I was hitch hiking from Tucson." "Well you take your two crates and you take yourself and you get yourself right into this car before you drown in that rain." "Yes mam!" "Right away!" "Sash." "Pick up that lily-white butt and go help Mr. Stranger with his things." "And just give him a hand, you hear?" "Hey!" "I saw something!" "An explosion or something." "A what?" "I don't know." "Like a big ball of fire." "Like something exploded." "Like a gas tank or something." "You're very observant.So are you." "I've been noticing you scrutinizing me for a long time now." "What was it you're scrutinizing?" "My nose?" "Was there a piece of snot hanging from my nose?" "No.Well I've caught a cold you know waiting out in the rain until you picked me up." "I'm mighty grateful to you." "With all your sweet music and your fancy smelling pipe tobacco." "What's the matter?" "You don't like Tchaikowskij?" "I'm not complaining Chandler." "Well I'm sure would have liked you." "Like I said, I'm mighty grateful." "It's just that..." "What Bond?" "Is it my gazes?" "My admiring glances at your rather thriving torso?" "Do they put you ill at ease?" "Well no.It's just that's all you do." "Just looking." "You mean you where expecting me to do something else?" "Me " " Chandler Wilson, heir to the Wilson fortune and widower of SarahLou Philips from the House of Philips Unlimited?" "You mean the House of Philips?" "That big girdle manufacturer plant down in Waco?" "Yes.That's exactly what I mean." "That big girdle factory in central Texas where everything grows big." "Hey Chandler.Yeah?" "Didn't your wife pass away recently?" "I seem to remember reading something about it somewhere." "My wife;" "SarahLou Philips, daughter of Leland Philips, creator of The House of Philips Unlimited, died last year." "Died a horrible death." "I'm terribly sorry.For her or for me?" "For the both of you." "Well reserve your bleeding heart strictly for her." "Our marriage was going up in smoke anyway." "Wasn't there a fire?" "Wasn't your wife killed in a fire?" "You're very observant Bond." "Is that where you got your good-looking body?" "By chasing fire engines down the street." "I worked hard getting this body looking the way it does." "I bet you have." "And is the investment paying off?" "Not tonight it isn't." "Give me a puff of that cigarette, kid." "First it's a pipe, now it's a cigarette.What's it going to be next Chandler?" "A white house cigar maybe?" "You've got an uncanny way of getting under my skin." "Wouldn't it be much nicer if I got into it rather than under it?" "Is something the matter officer?" "Is wrong?" "Officer?" "Oh no I'm nothing like that." "I'm just a housewife." "That's all I am." "See my badge?" "That was given to me by my husband." "He's the country rock singer Simon Cassidy." "Perhaps you've heard of him?" "I've got his pictures right here and they are all personally autographed by Simon." "Would you like one?" "I'm his secretary and Simon personally autographed every eight by tens glossy for his fans." "You, young fellow." "You look like a country rock fan." "Are you not?" "Sort of." "My, my, my.Aren't you a wet noodle?" "He's no wet noodle lady.I can testify to that.I'm just standing out here in all this rain." "Listen, I just stopped to converse with my fellow travelers about the explosion I just saw down the road a bit." "I told you Chandler!" "I told you I saw something blow up!" "Maybe a bolt of lightning hit a tree or something." "It wasn't the lightning mister.There was a big yellow flash and then an orange sheet of fire shot skyways." "Go back Chandler." "Maybe somebody got hurt." "Listen kid." "I vowed before embarking on this trip that once I started I was never looking back." "Now I'm going to Waco, Texas to that great, giant girdle factory that stands like a mammoth mausoleum to the memory of my dead wife SarahLou Philips." "You mean SarahLou Philips of The House of Philips Unlimited?" "Yeah." "That's what he's talking about!" "I don't intend to water down my mission, the only mission I've got in life just because some ball of fire lights up the night sky in this godforsaken no where land." "No, the ball of fire I've got planned is going to rival the sun itself." "You mark my words, Bond.It's gonna turn night day!" "You scare me, mister." "You're talking like some sort of beatnik." "And supposing I am!" "What do you have against beatniks?" "Well for one thing their bongo drums.I can't stand all that stupid pounding." "Listen." "I don't know how we got on this hypotrical subject..." "Hypothetical." "Well that's what I said." "We ought to go back.There might be people dying back there." "There are people up ahead who are dying too!" "Look Chandler." "I gave you that cigarette and you put it in your mouth." "How about that white house cigar?" "I saw some lights up ahead." "There's probably a farmhouse up there." "So I'll go and check and see if they have a telephone just in case you find someone injured." "All right lady.We'll meet you there." "God bless you and keep you for the devil walks about on nights such as this!" "Who is it?" "Who's that knocking at my door?" "Is that you Mr. Maple tree?" "Is the wind making you bang your branches against my door?" "Hello?" "Is there anybody home?" "Oh my god!" "That was a human voice!" "That was a woman's voice calling from behind that door." "Who is it that speaks to me with the voice of a woman?" "My name is Mrs. Cassidy." "Sorry to bother you but I need your help." "Well just a minute Mrs. Cassidy!" "Mrs Gert Hammond will be with you in a minute.Please be patient!" "Why couldn't she have telephoned before coming over?" "It isn't fair after all these years that someone should knock on my door and not even warn me." "Thirty minutes warning." "That's all I ask." "One half hour to bathe and set my body in preparation for the ensuing visitation." "Just a moment Mrs. Cassidy!" "Mrs. Gert Hammond will be with you in a moment!" "Please forgive the delay!" "My hair." "She mustn't see my hair like this." "Oh my God!" "I'm seeing double." "I'm so drunk I can't possibly hold an audience with Mrs. Cassidy." "What'll she think of me?" "She'll pity me." "I'll be a disgrace to the memory of my dead husband." "I've got to get this alcohol out of my system." "Why did you have to come without calling, Mrs. Cassidy?" "Please don't go away!" "I'm coming!" "Please, I'm coming right now!" "Oh my goodness!" "Noah himself never had it so bad." "If this keeps up we're going to have to build ourselves an..." "Have you been sick or something Miss?" "My name is Mrs. Gert Hammond." "Welcome to Prairie Blossom." "The name my husband and I chose for the estate you are now standing on." "What happened to you head?" "Please let me finish." "Our home built upon a sanctum prairie between the Chiquasaw and Thunderbird rivers, was built by hand with love and care by my husband Charlie" "who now lies buried in the wine cellar beneath our very feet." "The stones that compile the outer walls of this stately mansion where shipped by horse and cart...eh..." "The wonderful granite stones from the quarry in the state of Connecticut where shipped by horse and cart...eh..." "By four white horses pulling a huge cart made from the hard wood oaks of Kensington County." "The day they departure as listed in the county courthouse April 13:th, 1918." "Friday." "Friday the thirteenth." "The same date as the death of my husband." "That hideous nightmare swept after..." "Oh my dear, wretched woman!" "How could God in his mercy leave you alone in this wilderness?" "I'm really cleansy with the waters there.It's such a bowl of confusion tonight." "How many days and nights is your womanly body deprived of washcloth?" "What is the widows of the world need with the washcloth?" "Soap for one thing and a soothing body oil for special occasions." "Who are you?" "Coming into my house with talk of soap and oil?" "If you're trying to sell something, get out!" "I have no money." "Only memories." "I'm not selling anything,I'm giving away for free the charity that was instilled in me in my girlhood at the first baptism at First Church of Christ." "The same church that my husband and I where married in.Do you know who my husband is?" "No." "Simon Cassidy." "Who's he?" "Do you mean to tell me that you don't know who Simon Cassidy is?" "Country rock singer." "You one of the lonely women who's allowed my husband to come into you room via the radio to dispel the gloom of your empty rooms?" "Don't you getjealous?" "My husband and I are as true to each other as we where three years ago when we where married in Kentucky." "The wedding was perfect." "There was something new: my snow-white virginity." "Something old:" "Simon's mother who came in most god awful satin rag." "She looked like a bag of potatoes that was oozing margarine." "Then there was something borrowed:" "Simon's credit card." "And something blue: the blue grass of Kentucky moving up and down the hills like the Pacific Ocean.One of these days I'm going to see the Pacific Ocean for real when Simon makes it to Hollywood." "Does Hollywood want your husband?" "Why hell yes." "Of course Hollywood wants my husband." "But the parts have just not been up to Simon's true creative capacity." "Don't stop.Keep talking." "Of course you've heard of Hal B Wallis." "The movie producer who produces all of Elvis' movies." "Yes, oh yes." "So Mr. Wallis sent my husband's agent a script for a small singing part in his film 'Bazookas for Peace'." "I'd give my peace for a bazooka any time." "After a little conference with my husband and his agent in which I served them homemade brownies and Turkish coffee, we all decided that the part would be detrimental to Simon's career since it was a gruesome sequence." "Simon was to be a private in the infantry who sings a song to his troops that lie in beautiful Ohio." "Well, that part's all right." "Would you, would you mind washing me a lower please?" "Oh there!" "That's fine!" "Anyhow, he wants to be singing about beautiful Ohio when suddenly a bazooka-shot, hits my husband, hits Simon who plays a private and hits him of all places in his privates." "He was talking about shooting in slow motion and I tell you it made me sick just thinking about it.That, that's just the way I felt." "All this pain that mashed my husband in his motion picture debut being violently emasculated in front of millions of screaming people." "That's right honey!" "Screaming just like that." "Why that would be the absolute end of his career all- singing, all acting..." "Thank you.Thank you." "Willene is my name and you are Gert?" "Yes.I'm Gert." "But I'm a Gert reborn." "Every day is a re-birth." "Every day is Easter." "Just remember to color your eggs happy colors, like yellow and baby blue." "By the way honey, where is your telephone?" "It's in the other room." "Thank you." "There's no sound on this thing." "The lines must be down." "The storm has no mercy for the telephone company." "Anyway it's dangerous to talk on the phone there's lightning in the sky." "You're very good luck for me, Willene." "Those doors have not felt human knocking for a long time." "Probably the two men I left" "Good gracious!" "What sort of mischief has the storm been up to?" "Then there was a crash.I said there was.A real bad one too." "They where lucky they managed to crawl away from the wreck before that gas tank exploded." "Why, why is that woman partly disrobed?" "Was it the impact of the crash that did that?" "My skirt was wet." "That witch over there didn't want me to stain the upholstery." "I should have had you leave the dress on." "A wet stain is better than a smelly brown one" "Now cut it out you two.There's no more upholstery period." "Yeah that car is nothing but a smoldering wreck." "Instead of fighting you three ought to get down on your knees and thank the God almighty." "Listen sister.I get down on my knees for only thing." "And it's the men thanking the almighty I'm doing it." "She's a sassy one, ain't she?" "Your zip is open young man." "Sorry." "Fresh mouth over there wasn't satisfied with handling her stick shift." "It wasn't my fault the goddamn crash happened." "And for good reason to shut you up You shut me up this time baby." "But maybe next time you won't be so lucky." "Hush you two.You'll wake the dead." "You leave my husband out of this." "My husband was a decent man." "Who is this woman?" "She's, eh, Mrs... eh..." "Mrs.My name is Mrs. Gert Hammond." "Welcome to Prairie Blossom!" "The name my husband and I chose for the estate you're now standing on." "Why don't you just cut the crap and get something to drink!" "Please forgive my manners.It's been so long since I've entertained." "Well you're doing pretty good in that short kimono, Miss." "It's Mrs.Mrs. Hammond is a widow.Her husband is buried in the wine cellar." "Oh really?" "Well then why don't you just forget about those drinks." "Afraid of the dead Roo?" "No, someone thinks that lying on your back all the time is like turning over." "I couldn't agree with you more." "Not me!" "I always sleep on my back." "Why is that?" "Cause in the back everything lies down flat." "Nothing pokes up." "There's nothing flat about your back." "In fact it's damn nice and round." "You're so accustomed to eying buttocks.What's keeping you from straying your peepers on this bottomless broad over here?" "I'm not a broad!" "I resent that male chauvinist..." "You shut up!" "Shut your bag mouth and quit talking the ghost of my dead wife." "Chandler!" "You're wife's dead." "She's dead!" "Yeah, but not forgotten!" "No, women like her are not easy to forget." "You wanna know how she died?" "You stupid fool!" "Let go of my throat!" "Stop that childish nonsense." "They're sisters!" "She went to a garden party one afternoon." "She took her girdle off and she lit a match to it as a sign of her liberation Chandler, let go of her throat!" "Chandler!" "What she didn't know was that that girdle was flammable and blow up in her goddamn face!" "Stop it please!" "It blew up right in her face." "And her head was covered in flaming liquid-rubber." "You almost strangled me." "Everyone at the garden party started screaming." "And then they threw their drinks on her to doze out the flames." "What they forgot was that it was alcohol they where drinking." "Oh my dear God." "The horror of the moment was so grave.To all and purposes we where just staring flaming, screaming scarecrow running across the green lawn in a panic." "And we all started laughing." "I laughed so hard that tears were running down my cheeks." "We all roared hysterically until there was this hideous hiss." "And the white colored steam that boiled skyways the swimming pool as she fell in." "Then there was silence." "Dead silence." "I'm sorry." "I didn't know your wife was SarahLou Philips, daughter of Leland Philips, creator of The House of Philips Unlimited." "In Waco, Texas." "I didn't realize that I had married into such notoriety." "To us, the women of North America, your wife was a martyred saint." "She was a stupid idiot!" "A sick nitwit." "You wanted to hear about our love life, didn't you Bond." "Well I'm gonna tell you all the filthy details." "I'm gonna tell you right here and right now." "Shut up Chandler." "This isn't the time or the place." "No, no it wouldn't be for you!" "You'd rather I told behind the trashcans at a greyhound bus depot." "You cheap, rotten..." "You brute!" "I'm sorry Chandler." "But you tried to cheapen me in front of all these people by suggesting that I'd sell my body to you for money." "And that's an outright lie!" "When I give my body it's like a gift from God without any moniery reward." "Monetary!" "That's what I said." "Like a gift from God without any kind of monetary reward.Amen!" "Everyone is welcomed at Prairie Blossom!" "Come!" "Take off your wet clothes and get into something dry and warm." "You are welcome to dawn the apparel hanging before you." "To your right you'll find the clothing that adorned in my youth." "To your left there hang the garments of my deceased husband." "They hang there in the exact condition in which he them." "For your convenience and privacy while changing may I suggest that you use the far bedroom down that hallway." "And now that you have your instructions may I wish you all a hearty welcome for the duration of your stay." "Look lady." "You're very nice and all that but I don't wanna stick around here." "I don't think we have much choice if you noticed that level of the river when we crossed it." "How can we remember?" "Not with the accident and all." "Believe me." "We were lucky to make it with the water so high." "Yeah that's right." "My head was all foggy but when I looked out the car window and saw that twirling water I sobered up really quick!" "Yeah the bridge is gone by now." "And like ways the bridge that crosses the Chiquasaw." "No my friends." "You must not, you cannot go into purgatory out those front doors." "Please avail yourselves of my hospitality until the good lord sees fit to turn out his faucets." "I will leave you for a while to prepare some goodies from the kitchen." "Remember please to use that far bedroom down the hallway." "And please, be patient with one another." "The night is always long on the prairie." "Thank you Mrs. Hammond." "She's got some pair of boobs." "I'll say that much!" "I think you've said just about enough." "Never mind about her." "You and I got some unfinished business to take care of later." "Don't hold your breath." "I'd hate to see that nice face turn blue." "Good boy." "Darn you!" "Come on!" "Hurry up!" "What are you doing?" "Playing yourself?" "I think the person that decorated this room had mind." "Turn around." "Turn around." "Oh my God." "That's a big one!" "I heard this was a melon season." "And now I believe it." "Melons have seeds and I don't." "Not even after that encounter with Johnny Appleseed over there?" "Jerry, buster!" "Who would have thought that old bugger was into graphic art?" "Get a load of this stuff." "It's really graphic." "Check this dude out!" "Get it in god damn it!" "So that's your game, Betty Bozo!" "You should be ashamed of yourself!" "Telling everybody you're in the kitchen making goodies!" "And you ain't doing nothing of a kind." "In fact you've got the gall to hide behind somebody who never lied in his life!" "It's Mrs. Cassidy." "Are you finished yet?" "Yeah sure." "Come on in!" "Don't ever do that to me again!" "I ain't done nothing to you yet lady." "You have no sense of common decency!" "And here's a toothpick for you!" "And if it's decency you want, don't come in this room." "That filthy man!" "I'm afraid you open your doors as as your heart to the scum of this planet." "Here on spaceship earth there's no scum." "There are just malfunctioning circuits." "Well someone is sure malfunctioning in your bedroom." "That isn't my bedroom." "Well whose is it then?" "Your husband's?" "It was our son's bedroom." "Was?" "You mean he's gone?" "Moved away?" "Where is he then?" "My son, our son, no longer exists." "Oh Mrs. Hammond." "I'm really sorry." "I didn't realize that tragedy had struck you twice." "Is he dead then?" "No." "He does not exist." "Well I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean certainly wouldn't be careless enough to dwell subject." "May I have something to eat?" "By all means." "Help yourself." "This looks refreshing." "Oh, it's a cucumber." "Are you in the habit of peeling your cucumbers in advance?" "Yes it ages the flavor." "It certainly does." "Boy does this taste odd." "Eat up!" "You'll soon acquire a taste for it." "I'd like for you to." "It would make for a much closer friendship between us." "I'm afraid I can't finish it." "Would you like to share it?" "No." "I've already had it thank you." "Do you mind if I throw it away?" "Not at all my dear." "Most things out of nature is disposable" "Just throw it in the bag under the sink." "Why Mrs. Hammond!" "You've got a whole pile of in here!" "Call me Gert, Willene." "I feel like you've gotten to know me more intimately." "Those cucumbers did not age properly enough to suit my hungry lips so I had to get rid of them." "The smell is really terrible." "I'll take out the trash if you pick up that, that thing in the hallway." "What thing in the hallway?" "Well, it looks like a banana slug but don't let that fool you." "Banana slugs wiggle and the only thing wiggling at the end of that thing was Toydy." "He's quite a man, isn't he?" "Well part of him is a man the other part I'm not too sure about." "The coin of sexuality always has two faces." "That's what my son always used to say." "Are those your son's toys in the bedroom?" "My son was rather grown-up for a boy of sixteen." "That's when he started to order those divertissements through the mail." "They always came in a plain, brown wrapper." "And every morning I'd bring them in along with his breakfast tray." "He was strictly forbidden to open them until he had eaten all of his breakfast." "There was usually prune juice and..." "Why prune juice?" "Gerald always wanted his system cleaned out regularly." "Well I can see why after that thing in the hallway." "Who'd wanna to keep washing their toys all the time?" "And after the prune juice, there'd be two eggs, sunny side up and four sausage links." "And after the sausage there'd be three pieces of buttered toasts along with a steaming hot cup of coffee." "I'd bet he take plenty of cream in his coffee." "My son loved cream." "He licked it up like a cat!" "But a cat has nine lives and your son, unfortunately, had only one." "So now he joins your husband in death." "My husband is dead." "My son is no more." "He no longer exists." "Come Willene." "Shall we prepare a little dinner for our guests?" "Damn it!" "I need a drink!" "The wine is in the cellar!" "Please help yourselves to whatever vintage the occasion calls for!" "Go ahead, Roo." "Go get us some wine." "I ain't going down there with no dead man laying around." "I'll go get some wine." "If Bond comes with me." "I don't like cellars Chandler." "They smell funny." "Do they smell fishy, is that what it is?" "Well hell kid, with Chandler it's not gonna smell fishy." "Just strong and musty." "Mrs. Hammond!" "Is there a light down in the basement?" "No, but there's a large flashlight over by the window." "Now that's real good." "In case he can't get it up Chandler, you've got something to fall back on." "What's going on?" "Stop it!" "Stop it you two!" "You're nothing but a troublemaker." "I don't make trouble." "I just make whoopee." "You make me sick, that's what you make me!" "That's not what I'll make you Chandler." "You may choke and gag a little but you're not going to feel sick." "Who do you think you're talking to?" "One of those life-size dolls in the bedroom?" "No.Those dolls operate on air power." "His operates on lust!" "That's what you can expect from my mouth, Toydy." "Save that spit for Bond's flashlight." "Looking at the bulge in his pants you're gonna need it!" "My God!" "Back there in the kitchen it sounded like a tornado had decided to join our little party." "Sorry about the lamp." "I'll give you six bucks for it, will that be enough?" "I don't want your money!" "You people have lit up my life more brightly than that lamp could ever have done." "And if you'll just wait fifteen minutes Willene and prepare you a tangible example of my gratefulness." "Come Willene." "The pots and pans are waiting." "Here." "Give me that flashlight." "You've got your hands full." "Full with the wrong stuff." "What do you mean?" "I'd rather have them wrapped around you." "What brought that on?" "The way you handled yourself in that room back there." "How do you know what I was doing in bedroom?" "I don't mean the bedroom." "I mean the way you acted in the living room." "Oh that." "Well he had it coming." "I don't mean just the ruff stuff." "I mean the thoughtfulness and the tenderness that you exhibited to Mrs. Hammond." "What?" "You mean the six dollars?" "Well I was willing to give it to her but she just wouldn't take it." "You find no problem with me." "What do you want?" "Six dollars?" "Six dollars plus interest." "And what's the interest?" "To put it bluntly, my interest in your body." "Not my thoughtfulness and tenderness?" "Just my body?" "I'm playing by the rules of your own game, Chandler." "I want you to get excited about me in the same way that you would towards your friend Bond." "He's not my friend!" "I picked him up when it was dark and he was alone." "Like we are here?" "We're not alone here." "I forgot to ask whether she was serving meat or fish." "This would be great with meat." "Well serve it for down here because I want meat!" "What are you wearing?" "Aren't those Bond's clothes?" "What's that thing pressed into your pants?" "Something I picked up in the bedroom." "Look at me Chandler." "Just for tonight in the dim lightning I'm Bond." "And the cellar is the bus depot." "Come on." "You can have me for six dollars." "You were right." "Lucky is a lady." "Not tonight she isn't." "Where do you want me Mack?" "Just get down on the table and pull your trousers." "That's my husband's new song on the radio." "He just cut that record." "Well good for him." "I'm more interested in somebody who can cut the mustard." "Are you're looking for a frankfurter to go along with that mustard?" "Sure am but I've come equipped with my own ?" "My frankfurter don't care whether the brunch is large or small." "It ain't fuzzy." "Hey!" "What's your name?" "It's Willene." "Mrs. Willene Cassidy and that's my husband's song that's record on the radio." "Do you have any idea what's inside it?" "That locked door?" "That's my husband's record." "I know it's going to be a hit." "I just know it." "How many hours have you been waiting in depot?" "Three." "What bus am I taking?" "10.25 to Houston." "Is it the Silver Eagle Service?" "Yeah." "Here we go." "Hostess on board." "With the big lavatory and a mirror?" "A real big mirror." "Do you know what time it is now?" "No no." "It's 10.25." "And it's coming in fast!" "Here it comes!" "God no!" "So soon." "Last time I watched it was 10.24." "It's ahead of schedule." "And it's coming in fast." "Here it comes!" "Has anybody ever told you you have a nice body for a woman so mature?" "Why yes young man." "My husband Charlie used to compliment me on my torso." "He said it reminded him of a classical Greek sculpture." "You do remind me of something Greek but it ain't sculpture." "You remind me more of a nice juicy piece of shish kebab meat." "Flattery will get you nowhere." "Would you like me to turn you into a piece of shish kebab meat?" "And how are you going to do that?" "It's simple." "Here's the oven and here is the meat." "Now all we need is a long, hard rod to run you through." "What about the vegetables?" "Your head, your head's a cabbage." "What about the potatoes?" "Don't forget the potatoes." "Here they are." "Two lumpy ten pound bags." "You're very cruel." "Just pull away." "But I can't." "Because I would fall into the oven just like the witch in Hansel and Gretl." "This would leave you alone in this gingerbread house to eat of the cookies and peppermint sticks." "What's wrong with that?" "You would get sick." "And no one would be around to give you an enema." "You like giving enemas?" "My son Gerald likes them." "I bet it was a nice, fire engine red enema bag." "My son Gerald always requested that I hook up a heavy garden hose to the kitchen faucet." "He was used to bigger things wasn't he?" "My son was big for his age." "He was to be doomed with bigness." "Are you ready for the rod, miss shish kebab?" "Oh yes." "Hurry please." "It's getting so hot by this oven." "Hand me that tin of grease on the stove over there." "What is it?" "Bacon fat." "I bet when you fart it's gonna sound oink." "Have you no respect for me?" "No." "None at all." "That would ruin the whole thing." "What is it that you and your generation are seeking?" "I don't know about my generation but I would like to know what you have behind that locked door." "There's too much talk in this kitchen and not enough action." "Start cooking me now honey, before I go rotten." "Sorry." "No deal baby." "Not until you give me those keys." "You are a slimy, slippery reptile!" "Don't you be calling me slimy and slippery with all bacon fat oozing down your thighs." "You have degraded my sacredness as a woman." "You defiled with ugly fat the Grecian classicism of my body." "Your body was nothing but ugly fat to begin with." "A little extra never hurt non." "If thy eyes offends thee, pluck them out." "If thy hand offends thee, cut it off." "May God give me strength with this terrible swift sword." "What the hell are you doing?" "That gave you a whiff didn't it?" "Look lady." "I give it." "I don't take it." "Give and take is a fact of life like in and out, lover boy." "Well you may like in but I want out when it comes to this kind of hanky-panky." "What the hell is she cooking in there?" "I don't know." "I'd better go and see." "Toydy what the hell are you up to?" "I was rubbing the pubic hair with bacon fat." "Then she went crazy." "If I could get control of this meat cleaving that's all you'd end up with down there is pubic hair." "But I don't care." "Just as long as I can clearly see the road to my mission." "What road is that Chandler?" "Highway one thirty-five to Waco, Texas." "The road to that giant girdle factory with the neon lettering branding the Texas sky." "Branding it with fiery red letters that spell House of Philips Unlimited" "Why would you want to go back to that place after the terrible tragedy that happened to your wife, SarahLou Philips?" "Because I want to forget SarahLou Philips and her father Leland Philips creator of the House of Philips Unlimited." "But how can I when they are still manufacturing girdles by the tens of thousands?" "But hasn't the government put a stop to the production of those flammable things?" "Well, there's a movement in the courts now to halt production." "Until the company chemist take out the flammable element." "Until that time those giant wooden looms are still churning out those stretchable death traps." "Has Leland Philips no heart?" "What of all the women who don't realize that they're purchasing a potentially deadly weapon?" "The man is a maniac." "Living of the energy of the U.S. treasury." "Created by corporate capitalism." "Chandler, he sounds like a menace to the sisterhood of women." "He's more than that." "He's a fiend that robbed me of my manhood." "Why do you think I deviate towards men?" "Some experts say that it's an imbalance in hormone." "No." "It's because practically every woman I undress is wearing a House of Philips girdle." "They just stand there at the edge of the bed, waiting for me to pull the rest of their clothes off." "And then they ask me what the hell am I staring at." "As if I never seen a girdle before." "Do you know how it feels to re-live the most hideous moment of your life again and again?" "And then those half naked women wonder why my face turns wet." "And why my eyes pop out of my head instead of something else popping out of my shorts." "But it doesn't pop out." "Not anymore." "Can you blame me for turning my back on women?" "And giving what I have up front to men?" "No darling no but free you of this crippling disorder." "The destructure of The House of Philips Unlimited." "All it would take is a coca-cola bottle filled with gasoline." "That's Dr. Pepper country down there." "Well then a Dr. Pepper bottle filled with gasoline." "And a fuse made from the fragment of a competitors product." "Chandler, let me go down highway one-thirty-five you." "To The House of Philips Unlimited with its red neon sign branding the Texas sky and mark of death." "Do you want to help me shatter that sign until it reads The House of Philips Limited?" "And then just The House, unto finallythere's no sign all just a massive flaming debris?" "Your mission in life is my mission." "I love you." "Be careful with that." "It cost me an arm and a leg to upholster that chair!" "If an elephant walks in here it's you that's going to be posted all over this house." "It's a thing in the jug down there." "It's a man." "A faceless man." "Who told you to go snooping around behind the shelves?" "You were just about to get the right vintage wine and bring it up for supper." "We're gonna leave for supper if you don't stop chattering and start blocking those windows." "What are you talking about?" "What's going on?" "Good Lord!" "Blue and Pinky are in there!" "They're my prize hens." "What the hell is all this?" "All this talk about elephants and lions and hens?" "You'd better add a gorilla to that list too." "We don't know anything about it either but there's a herd of dangerous animals out there in that rain and they ain't shopping for umbrellas." "Well for your information there's a corpse down there in the wine cellar floating in a jug of liquid." "Cut it out Chandler!" "I'm a nervous wreck as it is." "He's not kidding Roo." "I was the first to see it" "What's your game, you stinking nut?" "It's called pickeling." "I pickle things to preserve them like onions, cauliflowers, peppers." "And men?" "That's notjust any man." "That's my husband!" "You're crazier than I thought you were." "Why?" "Because I refuse to cover the tangible remains of my husband with a curtain of soil?" "Yeah, but he was all eaten away as if something had been gnawing away at his bones." "Didn't you mother ever teach you the proper way to pickle something?" "I pickled him right." "That was the way he looked when he died." "They didn't leave much flesh on him, did they?" "Who's they?" "Who are you talking about?" "I'm talking about that buzzing cloud came down from the Rockies on that awful Friday." "It was the Friday the thirteenth." "And it was noontime." "I was in the kitchen fixing some lunch for Charlie." "He was working in the grain-bin all morning." "It was a cheerful morning." "Only there were no birds singing." "The birds had all flown away the night before." "Seemed like there was just me and Charlie and that hot noon-day sun out there on the farm." "And then it was just me and Charlie." "As the sun disappeared in a buzzing, screaming shadow." "I looked out the window." "And I saw Charlie running from the grain-bin." "All white and covered with wheat powder." "The blood froze in his veins as he looked up at the sky." "And that's when they swooped down on him, like a black veil of winged devils." "Locust." "They covered my husband with their shrewd hungry mouths." "Each one chopping away like was no tomorrow" "They also covered the field that was ours until the whole earth looked like a pot of boiling caviar." "The wind caused by the beating of their wingshad slammed the kitchen window shut." "And that's what probably saved my life." "I lay unconscious on that floor for a day and a night." "When I awoke the morning sun was beginning to bleach the bones of my husband." "But locust aren't supposed to eat people." "You're forgetting something." "She said her husband was all covered with wheat powder." "Wasn't there anyone around that could have helped?" "My son was in Borneo at the time." "I remember praying to God on that night after I awoke how grateful I was that my son had been spared the death that descended on his father." "Little was I to know God was to have no mercy on my son either." "Only a hideous, swelling vengeance." "There's a man out there." "A man?" "You'd better hurry up Toydy, and open that door before that lion gets bored of his chicken dinner." "Oh my Blue and Pinky." "I'm so sorry." "Shut the door quick!" "Don't worry about that mister." "I hate zoos myself." "Those ain't the tenants of a zoo, Mack." "Those specimens out there are under contract of Phinneas Harlan." "You mean the circus impresario?" "Well, what are they doing running around outside?" "Door to door advertising?" "I, I lost my, lost control of my truck." "She went over the embankment and, about fifty yards from the bridge and rolled over into the mud." "You mean the bridge is out?" "The bridge is still there." "Above water?" "Then maybe we can get out of here at hit highway one thirty-five?" "Not with all those four-legged buggers running around." "It's not the quadrupeds that are dangerous." "It's the... the, that gigantic bite-head." "What the hell is a bite-head?" "You're a bite-head dummy." "Now look Chandler." "I, I don't mind you calling me a dummy." "But don't be calling me dirty Italian names." "A bite-head is a creature with two legs." "You mean the gorilla I saw?" "He's the dangerous one?" "Phinneas Harlan pulled all of the teeth out of the lion's mouth and he pulled the claws out." "The circus is a fake." "A waste of money." "You mean that lion's harmless?" "As harmless as a toothless old lady." "Mrs. Connor had no teeth yet she blasted her husband with six rounds of buckshot last spring." "Why don't you take a walk and find something to pickle?" "I almost had me a real nice pickle." "If only you hadn'tjumped away." "Let's cut the bickering, huh?" "Now we have a very dangerous situation here." "Only if I understand you right mister." "Call me Bing." "But if I understand you right then situation really is not that grave." "Do you have to use that word grave?" "All I've been hearing in this house is talk of death." "What about that elephant out there?" "Minnie's so old she's practically blind." "Minnie's got to use her trunk like a silver cane." "So then it's just the gorilla that is dangerous?" "Don't minimize the danger, Mack." "Medusa didn't get that name for nothing." "One look at those blazing red eyes surrounded by that black matted hair can freeze a man to a block of stone on the spot." "She made me hard one night." "Well what's she after?" "Bananas." "She's crazy about bananas." "Well aren't we all?" "Is that all she wants?" "Bananas?" "No no." "She's... she wants... she needs sex." "You think that Phinneas whatever name is, should give her a mate." "She doesn't like other gorillas." "They're too hairy." "Medusa likes the naked, virile flesh of young men." "And how, pray tell, did she get a taste for that?" "That's unimportant." "Now..." "Wait a second." "You said she got you hard one night." "What the hell did you mean by that?" "I don't like being grilled by the cops or anyone else!" "Speaking of grilled, I'd better check on those pork chops." "Here you are my friend." "You're gonna need this." "To what?" "Bare my soul?" "Just consider it a form of psychological energy." "Shh!" "Don't say that word." "Old Gert may come running in with a rubber garden hose." "Well if you like things like that honey, maybe I can get Minnie the elephant to grope around in your peanut bag." "My bags been getting some nuts honey but they ain't been peanut sized." "Jealous?" "Just hungry." "Well, we'll be having pork chops soon and corn on the cob." "But first let's sink our teeth into your background Bing." "Why don't you tell us about Minnie, and Medusa and ...Samson." "The lion's named Samson." "He had the strength of ten men until, like that biblical hero, they clipped his toenails." "And his teeth." "You said they took out his teeth." "That's a terrible thing to do." "Sometimes men wish mine where gone but that's another story." "A dirty one." "Minnie is clean." "And so is Samson." "What about Medusa?" "I ... made Medusa dirty." "And you're still a virgin after how long?" "Three years." "Sister Guineva's trying to hurry it up but it takes a long time." "Three years." "Like an elephant syringe." "Sister Guineva was a bride of Jesus." "Jesus didn't have no bride." "Just widows in black with an elephant syringe." "It was pink?" "Well, you where right about one thing." "What was I right about?" "I am an animal." "What kind?" "A rhinoceros!" "Can't you tell by my horn?" "What are you gonna do with it?" "I'm gonna prove to you that your womanhood not be fruitless." "That the tree of your body will not be burned next spring." "Oh Sister Mercy forgive me for I know not what I do." "The tree of your body may be a losing a cherry but it's gaining two plumbs and a banana!" "And so needing a job and having a great fondness for animals led me into accepting a position in Phinneas Harlan's circus." "Did you enjoy the circus?" "I enjoyed working with the animals." "It was the people I hated." "You mean your co-workers?" "Them and the audience." "You see the animals fatness was a result of confinement rather than gluttony." "Yeah sure." "But what about you and that gorilla?" "I was coming to that." "You see my co-workers were very fond of practical jokes." "So one night on my thirty-first birthday they got me drunk during the celebration." "That's a shame!" "A shame you weren't there." "You like animals so much you'd really get off on that goose, huh." "You want me to continue or do you feel like making wisecracks all night?" "I was real drunk and since we had been on the road for two weeks I was horny as hell." "My friends said they'd lined up a hooker for me and that she was behind the calliope in a tent." "I staggered across the muddy fairground, tossing my clothes off as I approached the two tents as I where seeing double at that time." "One of my friends got on the calliope and there was all this music as I tore open the tent flap and jumped upon the thing in the sleeping bag." "I knew she was black and that her skin was kind of puffy and she smelled funny but I didn't care after two weeks on the road." "Two weeks of driving past billboards with their bikini clad models holding up suntan lotions." "There was something jangling on her wrist and feet but I, I could, I could hardly hear because of the loud calliope." "Anyhow I thought they where bracelets like you're wearing." "The morning light revealed their true nature." "They where chains that held down the gorilla." "Someone had shaven her from head to foot." "We lay there in the dim light." "Her black stubby fingers around my pecker." "Then she turned that massive pointed head toward me and beard those giant, yellow teeth in a smile of affection." "I screamed so loud that every creature in the circus went wild in their cages and the maintenance men found me laying by the calliope trying to sing I love you truly." "Medusa was laying there in the sleeping-bag massaging her breasts." "They said it took four men from the loony bin to carry me away." "You were put under observation?" "For a whole week." "Then I was set free and I went back to work." "Only this time Medusa was observing me." "Every second." "And she'd make little rude gestures with her toes." "Made my flesh crawl." "Why is she so dangerous?" "If she loves you that much." "Her love was forcibly repressed by the bars of a cage." "When she realized she wasn't getting anywhere me she, she tried making love to senor Tostada." "He beat her with his whip and she became enraged." "Senor Tostada was literally torn limb from limb." "His arms and legs had been tossed fifteen feet into the air falling into a bit of popcorn." "And they found his head tossed far away embedded in the cotton-candy machine." "Aren't all animals as dangerous as that destroyed?" "Phinneas Harlan couldn't destroy Medusa." "His wife loved that ape." "When he had brought the baby-Medusa from the jungle it was sick and near death." "Mrs. Harlan nursed it with the milk from her own breasts." "And that hideous morning when it was shaven and chained in that tent it was Mrs. Harlan who donated her mink coat to Medusa so she wouldn't catch pneumonia." "A mother's love is the strongest thing in the world." "But those chains that held down the gorilla." "The gorilla was kept on in the circus?" "Having tasted the flesh and then the blood of men Medusa became a murdering psychopath obeying only Mrs. Harlan." "She later put on Senor Tostada's boots and whip and leopard bikini." "Then we women here tonight are safe if that gorilla only goes ape over men." "No you're not." "You see the relationship soured rather quickly when as Mrs. Harlan got into the ring." "Why was that?" "The bikini!" "Mrs. Harlan was going on 59 years of age." "Her flesh was bloated and sagging considerably." "When she ran out on to the arena the audience screamed in disapproval at her." "She was always a bit shaken by the reception and began to take out her feelings on Medusa." "By the whip?" "Yes, she was like a female, Captain Blythe." "Then, one night, Medusa grabbed hold of the whip and pulled Mrs. Harlan within reach." "She stripped off the old lady the bikini in front of the horrified crowd." "I don't know what they where more horrified at, the enraged gorilla or Mrs. Harlan's completely naked body." "In any case, the gorilla tied one end of the whip around her neck and then grabbing on to the other end Medusa whirled her around up high in the air." "Then the gorilla let go of that whip and that, that blasting, bloated body tailing over the cage and hit the tent." "And bounced back and clapped into the arena where the dancing hippos where in ring number two." "Where the hippos dancing at the time?" "Yes." "The Mexican hat dance." "I took a heck of a long time preparing this meal now don't go ruining it for us." "I'm just about finished." "There's not much more to say." "And yet, after all these tragedies the gorilla was still allowed to perform?" "Killing old lady Harlan was the best thing Medusa could have done for Phinneas Harlan." "He was now rolling in insurance money." "Her act was kept on, but it was downgraded considerably." "Her feet were chained to a garishly painted platform." "A semi-naked woman was hired to throw hula-hoops on her." "Medusa was taught to mimic the woman's hip movement so that the hula-hoops would twirl." "And the way that gorilla looked at me I knew exactly what she was thinking while she was gyrating." "So you say bananas are the only thing that diverts her mind from rape and murder?" "These are fresh vegetables from my garden." "So come on." "Eat up and stop your talking!" "Why are you looking at that door Toydy?" "It's locked and I'm curious." "Curiosity killed the cat." "A cat's a pussy." "And I'm no pussy!" "No but when the time comes for you to be one I'm sure you'll make do with what you have." "Where's Bond?" "His food's getting cold." "So is Willene's" "I bet the friction is making his meat real hot." "And as for Willene, there's nothing like a good pounding to get your chops tenderized." "You'll never find more tender chops than these." "No but there's no harm in looking." "I need you, Willene." "Oh tell me!" "Say it." "I never had woman as big and wide as you." "Everyone else is like squeezing into a pinhole." "And I need you." "You're probably the closest in size I'll ever find to replace that elephant syringe." "Working up some gravy to squirt on your mashed potatoes?" "Yeah They're kind of dry." "Any objections to putting creamed gravy on baked potatoes?" "Yeah." "Especially when they've got theirjackets on." "Is that better?" "They're kind of starchy." "Why don't you just beat it?" "Take your hand away from it so I can look." "You don't excite me Roo." "Why not?" "You and me we're too much alike." "We're two of a kind and negative charges don't attract each other." "I don't consider myself as negative." "Well that's what I am." "A great big fat minus side." "Will this change your mind?" "Where were those keys?" "I found them in the kitchen when I went to get the horseradish." "I bet one of them opens that locked door in the living room." "Give me those keys!" "Not until I get some gravy, baby." "You want an equal amount on each potato?" "Forget about potatoes." "Just concentrate on this piece of boiled tongue." "Give it to me!" "Give me those keys." "And it's very well deserved." "Perhaps you'll change your mind about me." "In what way?" "Birds of a feather, stick together." "I'm not ready to build no nest." "But when I do I don't want it to be foul." "I can take an insult and a hint." "But I don't give up so easily." "Oh Bond." "Let's get away from here." "I've got a car, money and a body and they're all yours." "Maybe I can get you a job in my husband's publicity department, stamping his signatures on all eight by tens." "Stamping his signature?" "I thought you told me they where all hand-signed?" "Well they are." "But you'll be needing a job pretty soon and that's the only labor I can think of at the moment." "You're good to me Willene." "Nobody's ever offered me so much for so little." "What you offered me wasn't little." "Let's get dressed and go eat dinner so we can depart on a full stomach." "There's complications out there in the rain, Willene." "Well if you truly love me you will guide past them." "From now on you're the captain of the ship I call my life." "I didn't know there was anyone standing there." "Couldn't you smell the pork chops?" "We didn't smell the rat!" "That sounds like our lovesick Chandler." "Just a minute muscles." "I wanna talk to you!" "I'll be right with you Willene." "Start eating without me." "Do you wanna get out of this place with woman?" "Have you been spying on us?" "Now listen to me and shut up!" "The only way you and that girlfriend of yours is gonna get out of here is flinging bananas at that gorilla." "You know, to distract him." "That guy at the circus." "You know, he wasn't kidding." "That gorilla is a sex-crazed killer!" "What's that got to do with me?" "Don't you and the little lady wanna get out of here?" "Very much." "She loves me." "That's sweet and touchy." "Itjust so happens that I've got a crate of bananas." "Where the heck did you get a crate of bananas from?" "I had two crates but I burned one up in a car accident." "I was hitch hiking to Sioux City I swiped them of his truck." "But I'll let you in on it." "I'll give you the bananas." "For a price." "You know I've got no money." "All your wealth is in your body." "And I want your body." "You drive a real hard bargain." "That's just what I wanna do." "I wanna drive it real hard into you." "Give me a second to think it over." "Why don't you loosen your trousers up?" "And give yourself a little more room to think." "You've told a whole assortment of people Bing." "But you've told us nothing about yourself." "Get off my back Mister." "He's not trying to get on it." "Not after meeting me." "I think you're holding something back." "Listen young fellow!" "If the food didn't agree with you I've got a toiletjust down the hallway." "Come on Bing!" "Lets' have it out now." "Not in my living room you don't!" "Gert please." "I'm eating!" "Let's have it Bing." "All right God damn it, all right!" "It wasn't an accident!" "I ran that truck off the road on purpose." "Because I couldn't see those animals suffer anymore and me along with them." "Suicide?" "Yes." "We're on our way to St. Barnaby's school for crippled children." "I got a thing there when the circus was in town." "And see the kids poking at the animals" "Have you've ever seen an ostrich run down by a wheel chair?" "Did you ever hear what it sounds like to hear a tiger's head crushed by the blow of a broken arm in a cast?" "If it was attempting a mercy killing why did you try to kill yourself as well?" "Because." "God help me!" "I, I have the hots for that gorilla!" "No woman has ever satisfied like she has." "Lord have mercy on your soul." "I've tried to forget her but I can't." "I want her as..." "Yeah I know that it's wrong." "Easy kid, easy!" "They say that all is fair in love and war." "Sash give him another drink." "I'm gonna go check on Bond." "Here, you tortured soul." "Drink this up." "And acknowledge that you may be the beauty to sooth that savage beast." "Well kid." "What's the answer?" "You better use this." "I had a feeling it would come in handy some time." "Take it easy, will you Toydy?" "Remember I'm used to giving it." "Not getting it." "The slower the better, beautiful." "You should really wait at least two hours after eating before indulging in any vigorous exercise." "Get the hell out of here Chandler!" "Not on your life Bond!" "I've been waiting a long, long time for this one." "Have a whiff of this." "May get you more into the festivities." "You said you wanted to hear about my wife's love life didn't you Bond?" "Sure." "Tell me." "My wife SarahLou Philips, used to have me undress alone in the living room with the lights off." "Then she'd have me fold myself up into her castor- convertible that her mother had bought us." "And then she wanted me to close myself in like a human sardine sandwich." "Sound good, doesn't it Bond?" "Yeah great!" "Then, then she'd come in, turn on the lights,unfold castor-convertible and there'd be a parakeet on her finger." "Then when I was stiff from all her massaging she'd have me kneel upon the bed" "And she'd bring the parakeet over and put it on my pecker as if it were a perch." "Go faster Chandler!" "Faster!" "Hurry up." "Hurry up!" "I feel a punch line coming!" "Then she'd lay on her back, underneath my pecker." "Lay on her back with her mouth open." "And then the god damn parakeet drops a stool into her mouth and she swallowed it!" "Bond!" "What's the meaning of this?" "I was just receiving our passport out of this place." "If that kind of passport sends you then I'm afraid that you just have to go along without me." "The crates all yours kid!" "I'm sorry to see you go." "Not more sorry than I am to see you come." "What crate are you talking about?" "There's a crate of bananas behind the sofa." "Your boyfriend bargained his butt off for that fruit." "It's usually the other way around." "Fruits are always bargaining off their butts for me." "Well I'm glad I was here for the historic occasion." "Now all you and Bond have to do is run up those courts with the crate of bananas." "And if the gorilla follows, just toss him a bunch." "You did that for me?" "That's no big deal." "Besides I need thatjob you know." "I saw Toydy's naked body so don't go telling me it wasn't any big deal." "There's no greater love that a man can show a woman than to give his body to the enemy." "Ah come on Willene." "I had to get broken in sometime" "This way if things don't work out with you maybe something will click with your husband." "It's a good thing I had it stashed away in the attic." "The smell of mothballs is deceitful." "Wait until you smell Medusa." "That's my wedding dress Chandler." "There's going be a marriage at Prairie Blossom." "Don't you think we'd better cut the top off Gert?" "So when she comes in she won't mistake him for a woman?" "Who's she?" "Tell me when to open the door." "Open the door for who?" "The gorilla." "Evidently true love cannot be crushed by religious or traditional taboos." "Bing has expressed his love for the gorilla." "And she in turn has persued him acrossed four continents and will not be tamed until she gets him." "I can sympathize with her." "There is something scraping and storting by the outside door." "We'll all hide in the shadows and I'll go out and open the outside door." "And then when the ape sees Bing standing in brightly lit doorway with white clothes on she'll in." "And that's when we all run out!" "What about those goddamn bananas?" "After she sees Bing she won't need them." "The bananas can remain here as a wedding if you wish." "You really gave me the shaft Mack." "The pleasure was all mine." "Where are you going to run to?" "I'm running nowhere." "It's been a long time since this house has seen happiness and love." "Once these walls did echo with the gayest of laughter." "That was when my husband was alive and my son existed." "It is my honor now to be hostess to a courageous man and the animal he loves And who also shares his sentiment." "She's in no danger as long as Medusa sees my first." "After I've given myself to the gorilla again I expect great psychological transformations will occur in the scull of that primate." "Get back in there with those others." "Whatever loot she has in here is mine." "If I hadn't gone in the kitchen for that horseradish we never would have got those keys." "You've got your first radish and you've got an extra helping of creamed gravy what the hell else do you want?" "A chicken in every pot and creamed gravy seven nights a week." "I found it." "I found the key!" "You see, there's really no sense in fighting if you only live once." "It will be a pleasure to cater to your honeymoon with bananas, bon-bons and..." "Who is that?" "He who does not exist." "Get me out of here!" "Oh my God." "It's her!" "The gorilla!" "Close the door!" "Oh Chandler!" "What do we do?" "When she sneaks her way in we'll make a dash for freedom." "Will you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "In sickness and in health." "Till death do us part." "It was a lie." "A little white lie." "You see he does exist behind this door." "But not up here in the world of sanity" "Holy thy marriage chamber And thy mate for eternity." "The parasites that have sucked the juices from your body have not all belonged to the insect population." "Many shrewd businessmen have fattened their wallets by exhibiting your animalism." "It's not my wallet that I want fattened." "It's you." "Fattened with our first child." "Our first newborn child." "The first of a race of super-men." "For God's sake have mercy!" "God has no mercy!" "Do you see what he's done to my son?" "Gerald had gone to Borneo to collect some erotic artifacts." "A harmless excursion into the steaming tropics in the name of art." "But he was smitten with a vile and swelling tropical disorder." "A malignancy of plangently grotesqueness who struck at the very root of his manhood." "You see him now as a pinnacle of his disorder." "Repulsive to both man and woman alike." "And what is more important: repulsive to himself." "So self-revolting his mind became unbalanced." "Knowing that the one thing that made his life worth living was being crushed by the weight of his own testicles." "For his safety and mine and for the safety of Blue and Pinky" "I had to lock him up behind this door." "The weight of that malignancy on our fragile body would have crushed the very life out of us." "You two are strong." "You'll survive." "You'll give Gerald the taste of weakness he wanted his whole life" "You'll survive." "And I pity you!" "The storm is over." "And God has given me the sun and you on this the first morning of our lives." "Don't you go putting all your eggs in one basket Willene." "I've got my hand in your basket and it feels nice and firm." "I'm not worried about no eggs." "As long as you don't go losing your marbles over me." "I'm young and I'm restless." "I'm not to be trusted." "A lot of energy in this body, Willene and it hops around from bed to bed like a flea." "To be bit by a love-bug like me could be pretty scratchy situation." "I don't care about my life." "All I ask is that when I start itching, you start scratching." "Bond?" "Yes?" "I'm starting to itch." "Where do you want me to scratch?" "The rain is stopping Chandler." "Perhaps the road to Texas will not be muddy." "Do you see that slip of a rose light over there?" "That's where we're going." "We're getting out of the mud and into a bed of roses." "That rose of light is the dawn Chandler." "Texas is to the south." "Not east." "My heart is towards the east." "Towards the glow of a new day." "A day without vengeance." "A day without hate." "Will your heart lead you to that bed of roses?" "Or are you relying on your nose?" "I'm relying on the sign we just past." "Rose haven hotel." "6 miles east down route 18." "That's where we'll find our bedside." "I'm pouring myself a drink Charlie!" "Only it ain't to forget my loneliness." "We have company now." "And the house is full of human voices." "Like it was 15 years ago." "They're also the voices of the inhuman." "And those that suffer." "But they suffer no more." "Remind me to go shopping today for some chopped meat, vegetables, milk and honey." "And I'll need at least three dozen bananas." "And some heads of lettuce." "And of course my cucumbers." "I mustn't forget my cucumbers." "People come and go but the cucumbers must stay." "Join me in a toast Charlie!" "A toast to love and happiness." "And to a life that won't go sour and turn every cucumber into a pickle."