"GOOD EVENING, CREEPS." "AND WELCOME ABOARD TALES FROM THE CRYPT SCARELINES FLIGHT 666," "OFFERING DIRECT SERVICE FROM YOUR LIVING ROOM" "STRAIGHT TO HELL." "AS WE WILL BE EXPERIENCING SOME TUR-BOO-LENCE," "WE RECOMMEND THAT YOU KEEP YOUR SEAT BELTS FASTENED" "AND YOUR VOMIT BAGS HANDY." "SO SLIP ON YOUR DEAD-SET AND GET READY" "FOR TONIGHT'S IN-FRIGHT ENTERTAINMENT." "IT'S A NASTY TALE ABOUT MY FAVORITE KIND OF GHOULS," "DREAD HEADS." "I CALL IT..." "CAME THE DAWN." "CAME THE DAWN" "YOU CAN'T FOOL ME WITH YOUR BOY SCOUT SMILE." "I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING," "AND I'M NOT GONNA DO A THING TO STOP YOU." "RIGHT NOW YOU'RE UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR EYES," "AREN'T YOU?" "WOULDN'T IT BE MORE FUN" "TO DO IT WITH YOUR HANDS?" "HOLD THAT THOUGHT" "WHILE I GO TO THE LADIES' ROOM." "THEN WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE." "OH-OH, MY GOD!" "OH!" "OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SO..." "SO..." "BIG!" "NO." "OH, MY GOD!" "OH, MY GOD!" "YOU'RE SO..." "SO" "YOU'RE SO" "YOU'RE SO..." "EXCUSE ME." "THERE'S SOMEBODY IN HERE." "HELLO?" "IT'S OCUPADO." "COULD YOU TURN THE LIGHT BACK ON, PLEASE?" "HELLO?" "THERE'S SOMEBODY IN HERE." "WHAT ARE YOU, FUCKIN' DEAF?" "AAH!" "HI." "THIS IS JOANNA." "I'M OUT, BUT I'D REALLY LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU." "SO PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE..." "THAT IS, UNLESS IT'S YOU, ROGER." "IN WHICH CASE, DON'T LEAVE A MESSAGE" "JUST STAY OUT OF MY LIFE, YOU BASTARD." "HI." "IT'S ROGER." "I WISH YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE MESSAGES LIKE THAT" "FOR EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD TO HEAR." "I'M ON MY WAY UP TO THE CABIN," "AND FRANKLY, I'M BORED STIFF WITHOUT YOU." "I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN A VERY GOOD BOY LATELY," "BUT, YOU KNOW, I WAS HOPING YOU COULD COME UP HERE," "AND WE COULD KINDA WORK THINGS OU" "DAMN IT!" "WHORE!" "HEY!" "DAMN IT!" "JESUS." "MISS, CAN I HELP YOU?" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS STUPID TRUCK." "WHAT A NIGHT TO BREAK DOWN." "I WISH I COULD HELP YOU," "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CARS." "DO YOU WANT TO GET IN HERE AND WARM UP," "AND I'LL CALL A MECHANIC FOR YOU?" "YEAH." "THANKS." "SURE." "NICE CAR." "THANK YOU." "HERE." "PUT THIS ON." "THANK YOU." "OH." "UH..." "I DON'T WANT TO GET IT WET." "OH, I'M NOT WORRIED." "UH, YOU KNOW, I REALLY DON'T THINK THERE'S GOING TO BE" "A GARAGE OPEN THIS TIME OF NIGHT." "DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU BACK TO WHERE YOU LIVE?" "IF YOU FEEL LIKE DRIVING ALL THE WAY INTO THE CITY." "THAT'S WHERE I LIVE." "DAMN." "DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE BUS LEAVES AROUND HERE?" "YEAH, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO." "THE LAST ONE LEFT A FEW HOURS AGO." "THIS JUST REALLY ISN'T YOUR NIGHT, IS IT?" "NO." "THE INN ISN'T FAR FROM HERE." "DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL AND BOOK YOU A ROOM?" "NO..." "NO, I COULDN'T AFFORD IT." "BUT, HEY, THANKS A LOT FOR TRYING, REALLY." "I'LL JUST SLEEP IN MY TRUCK TONIGHT," "AND I'LL JUST GET SOME HELP IN THE MORNING, OK?" "OH, NO!" "LOOK." "ACTUALLY" "NOW I'M NOT TRYING TO BE FORWARD OR ANYTHING" "BUT MY..." "CABIN'S PRETTY LARGE." "I'D BE GRATEFUL FOR THE COMPANY, ACTUALLY." "YOU SURE?" "YEAH." "I'M POSITIVE." "ALL RIGHT." "MY NAME IS ROGER, BY THE WAY." "WHAT'S YOURS?" "NORMA." "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" "NO." "THAT'S INCREDIBLE." "LISTEN TO THIS." "YEAH, SO?" "THIS HAS GOT TO MEAN SOMETHING." "IT'S NORMA, THE DRUID PRIESTESS." "IT'S ONE OF THE GREATEST OPERAS IN THE WORLD." "OPERA?" "IT'S A PERSONAL WEAKNESS." "I LIKE TO CURL UP AT NIGHT WITH A BOTTLE OF RED WINE," "LISTEN TO OPERA, AND SOB." "IT'S NOT A PRETTY SIGHT." "WHAT ARE WE STOPPING HERE FOR?" "WELL, I'M PICKING UP A FEW THINGS FOR DINNER." "DO YOU LIKE OYSTERS?" "NEVER HAD THEM." "OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THEM." "I'LL LEAVE THE HEATER ON FOR YOU." "YEAH, I AGREE." "YEAH, YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, DAVE." "HEY, ED." "HI, ROG." "ED, DO YOU HAVE ANY CRISTAL HERE?" "YEAH, I DO." "I GOTTA GO, DAVE." "I'LL CALL YOU LATER, OK?" "OK, BYE." "YOU BELIEVE THAT, MY FRIEND DAVE?" "SOMEBODY STOLE HIS TRUCK LAST NIGHT." "YOU'RE KIDDING." "THIS PLACE IS GETTING WORSE THAN THE CITY." "HEAR ABOUT THAT LADY THAT GOT KILLED A FEW NIGHTS BACK?" "SOMEBODY GOT KILLED?" "YEAH, IN THE WOMEN'S TOILET OVER AT THE RESTAURANT." "CHOPPED HER UP LIKE A ROASTED CHICKEN." "HACKED OFF HER ARMS." "SPLIT HER UP THE MIDDLE." "JESUS, ED." "STATE BULLS DON'T GOT A CLUE." "BUNCH OF MORONS." "YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?" "IT'S THE SAME GUY WHO TOOK DAVE'S TRUCK." "I DARE THAT BASTARD TO COME IN HERE." "I'LL PUT A HOLE IN HIM THE SIZE OF A BUICK." "THEY'LL HAVE TO TAKE HIM DOWN TO THE MORGUE IN A BUCKET." "IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU NEED?" "YEAH, SOME OYSTERS." "YOU HAVE ANY OF THOSE MALPEQUES LEFT?" "YEAH, I GOT ABOUT A DOZEN." "IT'LL JUST TAKE A SEC TO WRAP THEM UP." "WHEREABOUTS DID YOU SAY THAT TRUCK WAS STOLEN?" "ABOUT 5 MILES DOWN THE ROAD." "ROGER, I'M SORRY ABOUT THE MESSAGE I LEFT BEFORE." "CAN I TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER?" "ROGER?" "SAY SOMETHING." "SORRY, HON, YOU GOT THE WRONG PERSON." "THIS IS NORMA, THE DRUID PRIESTESS." "WHO IS THIS?" "SON OF A BITCH." "YES!" "OH, SHIT." "OH, JEEZ." "YOU WARMING UP A LITTLE?" "YEAH, STARTING TO." "SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, BUT OLD ED'S BEEN" "HITTING THE MOONSHINE AGAIN." "COME IN." "COME ON IN." "IT'S REALLY COOL." "MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME." "WOW." "WOW, THIS PLACE IS REALLY SOMETHING." "THANK YOU." "MIND ME ASKING WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING?" "WELL, I IMPORT THINGS," "MAINLY FROM EUROPE" "USED FURNITURE, OLD KNICK-KNACKS," "BITS OF CANVAS WITH PAINT ON THEM." "COOL!" "OH, YOU LIKE THE PAINTING?" "AHH." "YOU LIKE WEAPONS." "IT SO HAPPENS THAT THAT AX WAS USED" "DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTION" "TO CHOP OFF HEADS." "REALLY?" "CAN I TOUCH IT?" "SURE." "SEE ALL THOSE NOTCHES ON THE HANDLE?" "15." "ONE FOR EACH HIT." "IS THIS FOR REAL?" "AS FAR AS I KNOW, IT'S JUST AN AX." "I INHERITED IT AND MY BUSINESS FROM MY MOTHER." "HER PHILOSOPHY WAS YOU ATTACH A STORY TO EVERY OBJECT," "AND THEN YOU JACK UP THE PRICE OF THE OBJECT." "HMMM." "THAT'S MY MOTHER, BY THE WAY." "IN THE PAINTING." "YOUR MOTHER WAS SOME PIECE OF WORK, HUH?" "SHE WAS." "WHY DON'T YOU GO UPSTAIRS." "THERE'S A MASTER SUITE UP THERE." "YOU CAN CHANGE AND SHOWER." "THERE'S SOME DRESSES IN THE CLOSET." "ARE YOU MARRIED OR SOMETHING, ROG?" "OH-THE DRESSES BELONGED TO A WOMAN" "WHO IS NO LONGER PART OF MY LIFE." "WAS SHE YOUR GIRLFRIEND?" "I'D JUST RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP." "THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT IT'S OVER." "OK." "I'LL TAKE A LOOK." "IN THERE?" "LYING SON OF A BITCH." "OUT OF YOUR LIFE, IS SHE?" "AS OF WHEN?" "A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO?" "CHRIST." "YOU CAN STILL SMELL THE PERFUME ON HIM!" "MEN!" "THEY'RE EITHER CHEATING ON YOU" "OR CHEATING ON SOMEONE ELSE AND USING YOU TO DO IT." "BUT NOT WITH ME!" "AND BOY, ARE YOU IN FOR A BIG SURPRISE." "FITS OK, HUH?" "YEAH." "IF YOU LOOKED ANY BETTER IN THAT DRESS," "I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO STAND IT." "BUT IT'S NOT COMPLETE." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "JUST INDULGING A LITTLE FANTASY." "TURN AROUND." "SURPRISES." "I LOVE SURPRISES." "GIVE ME A HINT." "THIS USED TO BELONG TO CATHERINE THE GREAT OF RUSSIA." "AND IT'S NOT CHEAP." "CAN I SEE?" "SURE." "OVER HERE." "IT'S BEAUTIFUL." "IT'S ONLY AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE ONE WHO WEARS IT." "DINNER'S READY." "SO, AFTER NORMA DISCOVERS THAT HER LOVER POLLIONE" "HAS BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO HER," "SHE DECIDES TO COMMIT SUICIDE" "BECAUSE SHE'S BROKEN HER VOW OF CHASTITY." "BUT, AT THE LAST MOMENT, POLLIONE JOINS HER," "AND TOGETHER THEY WALK TOWARD THE FUNERAL PYRE" "AS THE CURTAIN DROPS." "THAT'S IT?" "THAT'S HOW IT ENDS?" "THE GUY CHEATS ON HER, AND SHE KILLS HERSELF?" "WELL, SHE-SHE DOESN'T DO IT BECAUSE OF HIM," "SHE DOES IT BECAUSE SHE'S BROKEN HER VOW OF" "NO." "SHE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE GOLD" "AND SPLIT TO PARIS OR SOMEWHERE." "THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT MORE BELIEVABLE." "BUT NOT POETIC." "ALL OPERAS ARE FILLED" "WITH LOVESICK MARTYRS WHO END UP DYING." "THAT'S WHAT OPERA'S ALL ABOUT." "LOVE AND DEATH." "LOVE AND DEATH." "I LIKE THAT." "SOMETIMES I THINK MY OWN LIFE IS LIKE AN OPERA..." "OR AT LEAST MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN." "I LIKE STRONG WOMEN." "I LIKE ALL WOMEN." "BUT I SEEM TO BRING OUT THE WORST IN THEM." "DON'T GET ME WRONG." "I LOVE THEM" "THE WAY THEY LOOK, THE WAY THEY SMELL," "THE WAY THEY TALK," "THE DEMURE WAY THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM" "WITH THEIR SKIRTS HIKED UP AROUND THEIR WAIST." "THE WAY THEY LAUGH." "SO THAT'S ME." "WHAT ABOUT YOU?" "LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?" "LIKE WHO YOU ARE..." "REALLY." "LIKE WHAT YOUR NAME IS." "I KNOW IT'S NOT NORMA." "LIKE WHY DID YOU STEAL THAT TRUCK?" "YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?" "I'M NOT GONNA TELL ANYONE." "I COULDN'T CARE LESS." "THEN WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?" "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL ME TRUTH, THAT'S OK." "NO, I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH." "I CAME UP HERE LOOKING FOR MY HUSBAND." "HE TOLD ME HE WAS ON A FISHING TRIP" "WITH HIS BUDDIES FOR THE WEEKEND," "AND IT TURNS OUT HE'S SHACKING UP WITH SOME BIMBO." "WHAT HAPPENED?" "I DEALT WITH IT." "SO NOW I CAN'T GO HOME." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO." "I UNDERSTAND." "YOU DO?" "YOU CAN STAY HERE AS LONG AS YOU LIKE." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I FEEL THIS..." "CONNECTION WITH YOU." "I FEEL IT, TOO." "DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS" "WHO ALWAYS HAS TO BE IN CONTROL." "DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU THOUGHT STRONG WOMEN WERE SEXY?" "YEAH, BUT HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA TIE ME UP AND ROB ME?" "OR MAYBE EVEN SLIT MY THROAT?" "WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF?" "HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA THROW ME OUT IN THE MORNING?" "AW, I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU." "CAN'T WE JUST MAKE LOVE?" "SURE WE CAN." "I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME." "UNTIL I'M READY TO BE TOUCHED." "I DON'T THINK I CAN WAIT THAT LONG." "SURE YOU CAN." "YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO TRUST ME" "LIKE YOU WANT ME TO TRUST YOU." "DON'T YOU THINK TRUST IS SEXY?" "WHAT'S THAT?" "WHAT?" "THERE'S SOMEBODY DOWNSTAIRS." "WAIT HERE." "HELLO?" "WHO'S THERE?" "WHERE IS SHE?" "JOANNA!" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" "WELL, ISN'T THIS SWEET!" "DINNER FOR TWO, CHAMPAGNE FOR TWO," "AND MY COLOR LIPSTICK ON THE GLASS!" "LET ME EXPLAIN!" "YOU'VE GOT SOME LITTLE TROLLOP IN OUR BED, DON'T YOU?" "YOU'D STICK YOUR DICK IN A SHRUB IF YOU THOUGHT" "THERE WAS A RODENT IN IT." "YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT." "I'LL FIX HER ASS FOR GOOD!" "PLEASE." "PLEASE." "YOU GOTTA LEAVE." "SHE GETS DANGEROUS WHEN SHE'S LIKE THIS." "YEAH, WELL, SO DO I." "PLEASE, PLEASE, THERE'S NO TIME." "DON'T TOUCH ME!" "LET'S GO!" "HERE." "GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" "PLEASE JUST LEAVE." "I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT." "BASTARD." "SHIT." "WHERE IS SHE?" "DO I HAVE TO DO TO HER" "WHAT I DID TO THE ONE IN THE RESTAURANT?" "CALM DOWN!" "COME ON, ROGER!" "WHY DO WE HAVE TO PLAY THESE GAMES?" "JOANNA, CALM DOWN." "YOU KNOW I'LL FIND HER!" "I WON'T STAND FOR IT." "DINNER FOR TWO!" "CHAMPAGNE FOR TWO!" "AND MY COLOR LIPSTICK ON THE GLASS!" "YOU'VE GOT SOME LITTLE TROLLOP IN OUR BED!" "YOU'D STICK YOUR DICK IN A SHRUB" "IF YOU THOUGHT THERE WERE A RODENT IN IT!" "YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT." "I'LL FIX YOUR ASS FOR GOOD." "SLUTS LIKE YOU CAN FOOL ROGER," "BUT YOU CAN'T FOOL ME." "OH, MY GOD!" "ROGER!" "I'M GONNA MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE THAT BITCH AT THE RESTAURANT." "I'LL FIX YOUR ASS FOR GOOD!" "ROGER IS MINE." "HMM." "I KNOW THEY SAY BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN," "BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT" "REDHEADS REALLY KNOW HOW TO SWING!" "HEH HEH HEH!" "SO, 'TIL NEXT TIME, KIDDIES," "I HOPE YOU'LL EXCUSE ME" "BUT I'VE GOT A LITTLE PRIVATE BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF." "IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO FRY." "HEH HEH HEH!" "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO JOIN THE MILE DIE CLUB!" "WHOO!" "WAHOO, OH DEAR!"