"( HUMMING )" "IS SONDRA UP?" "I DON'T KNOW." "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" "I GOT TWO HOAGIES FROM THE WHITE HOUSE." "YOU'LL SPOIL THAT GIRL." "MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN AT COLLEGE WORKING HARD." "SHE DESERVES IT." "AREN'T HOAGIES YOUR FAVORITE?" "THIS IS FOR MY DAUGHTER" "AND THIS IS FOR HER FATHER WHO LOVES HER." "WE HAVE A PROBLEM." "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "SONDRA BROKE UP WITH ELVIN." "AGAIN?" "AGAIN?" "AGAIN." "I'M SLEEPING" "AND SONDRA IS SINGING ABOUT CRICKETS AND DEAD FLOWERS." "SOMETHING MUST HAVE GONE WRONG" "ON THEIR DATE LAST NIGHT." "YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, CLAIR." "SHE'LL MOPE AROUND ALL WEEKEND." "AND SHE'LL WANDER AROUND THE ROOM" "WITH THOSE THINGS ON HER EARS" "SINGING "THE FLOWERS HAVE BLOOMED" "AND I FEEL SO BLUE..."" "WHAT'S GOIN' ON?" "SONDRA BROKE UP WITH ELVIN." "AGAIN?" "CAN I CHECK INTO A HOTEL?" "WE WANT YOU HERE TO SUFFER WITH US." "CAN I HAVE THIS?" "YES, BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS." "I SUFFER MORE THAN THE REST OF THE FAMILY." "WHENEVER SHE SEES ME, NO MATTER WHAT I'M DOING" "SHE SAYS, "YOU MEN!"" "HI!" "STAY AWAY FROM SONDRA." "WHY?" "SHE AND ELVIN BROKE UP." "AGAIN?" "CAN I HAVE THIS?" "CLIFF, LET'S GO TALK TO SONDRA." "* THE FLOWERS HAVE DIED" "* THERE IS NO MORNING DEW" "* THE CRICKETS KNOW NO LOVE SONGS" "* AND I FEEL SO BLUE." "* THE FLOWERS" "* HAVE DIED" "* THERE IS NO" "* MORNING DEW" "* THE CRICKETS KNOW NO LOVE SONGS" "AND I FEEL SO... *" "HOW ARE YOU DOING?" "FINE." "THAT'S GREAT." "THE WORD IS" "YOU AND ELVIN BROKE UP." "AGAIN." "DO YOU WANT TO TALK?" "NOT REALLY." "YOU MIGHT FEEL BETTER." "I DON'T WANT TO FEEL BETTER." "THE REST OF THE FAMILY WANTS YOU TO." "NOW, WHAT HAPPENED?" "I DON'T WANT TO SAY." "HERE'S WHAT HE DID" "I WAS OVER AT ROBERTA'S." "ELVIN SAID HE WOULD STOP BY AROUND 8:30." "I WAIT." "NO ELVIN." "AT 11:15, JUST AS I'M LEAVING" "HE SAUNTERS UP THE SIDEWALK" "AND SAYS, "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"" "HE'S THE ONE WHO'S LATE." "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" ""WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"" "WHAT DID HE SAY?" ""OUT WITH THE GUYS."" "EVERY TIME HE GOES OUT" "HE EXPECTS ME TO WAIT FOR HIM." "HIS PLANS ARE MORE IMPORTANT." "WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING BACK TO THIS BOY?" "DAD, BECAUSE HE'S WONDERFUL." "HE'S INTELLIGENT." "HE HAS A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR." "WE HAVE A GREAT TIME TOGETHER." "WHEN?" "WHEN WE'RE NOT FIGHTING." "WHEN IS THAT?" "WHEN HE'S NOT OUT WITH THE GUYS." "SINCE YOU HAVE BROKEN UP" "TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO CALL SOMEBODY ELSE." "THERE IS NO ONE ELSE." "THERE IS SOMEONE INTELLIGENT" "WITH A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR." "I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE." "CAN'T YOUR FRIENDS TELL YOU ABOUT SOMEBODY?" "THERE IS THIS GUY MY FRIENDS TELL ME ABOUT." "CALL HIM." "BUT DADDY..." "CALL HIM!" "BUT HE GOES TO OBERLIN, IN OHIO." "WE'LL FLY HIM IN." "HE IS FROM NEW YORK." "HE MAY BE HOME THIS WEEKEND." "CALL HIM." "CALL HIM." "I'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT." "CALL THIS BOY!" "TELL HIM YOU'RE SORRY YOU WAITED SO LONG" "TO CALL HIM." "CLIFF, SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HIM." "JUST CALL THE BOY." "CALL HIM!" "SONDRA, CALL THE BOY." "PLEASE!" "HEY, SONDRA." "HI, THEO." "YOU MEN!" "HUH?" "COULDN'T YOU LEAVE A LITTLE FOR OTHERS?" "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A GUY" "DOESN'T MEAN THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU." "SONDRA, I'M SORRY." "YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY" "BUT YOU DON'T MEAN IT." "IT'S NOT FAIR." "I WAS HAVING A GLASS OF MILK." "SONDRA?" "I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS." "SHE COMES IN AND SAYS, "YOU MEN!"" "SHE SAYS BECAUSE I'M A GUY" "I THINK THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME." "I SAY, "I'M SORRY."" "I GAVE HER THE GLASS." "SHE SAYS, "YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY" "BUT YOU DON'T REALLY MEAN IT."" "WHY DON'T YOU GO OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE" "FOR A WHILE?" "YOU'LL BE THE ONLY MAN." "I DON'T WANT" "TO LEAVE YOU ALONE." "I CAN HANDLE IT." "DAD..." "ARE YOU OKAY?" "YEAH, RIGHT." "YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT HER." "I'M TYPING MY TERM PAPER" "AND SHE'S GRIPING ABOUT ELVIN." "SHE WAS GONE FOR A MINUTE" "AND SHE CAME BACK MUMBLING ABOUT MEN AND MILK." "OKAY, ASK HER TO GO INTO OUR ROOM" "AND MOPE" "AND GRIPE ABOUT ELVIN." "OKAY, I'LL TRY." "( DOORBELL RINGS )" "ELVIN." "HOW IS EVERYTHING GOING?" "FINE." "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?" "DR. HUXTABLE, CAN I COME IN?" "DO YOU HAVE TO?" "I'D REALLY LIKE TO." "YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME HERE, ELVIN." "THANK YOU, DOCTOR." "FLOWERS." "FOR SONDRA." "IS SHE HERE?" "YES." "MAY I SEE HER?" "SURE." "TODAY?" "ELVIN, SIT DOWN, PLEASE." "JUST SIT DOWN." "OKAY." "ELVIN..." "YES?" "ELVIN..." "YES..." "YOU ARE MAKING MY HOUSE A WRECK." "I KNOW, SIR." "YOU DO?" "A BROTHER CANNOT DRINK A GLASS OF MILK." "I'M SORRY." "HER BABY SISTER" "CANNOT EXPRESS HERSELF." "THAT'S VERY UNFORTUNATE." "IT IS MY OPINION" "THAT EITHER YOU MARRY THIS GIRL" "AND TAKE HER OUT OF THIS HOUSE" "NOW..." "OR DON'T TALK TO EACH OTHER EVER AGAIN!" "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" "I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL." "YES, ELVIN." "I'VE BEEN INCONSIDERATE WITH SONDRA." "YES." "THAT'S WHY I CAME." "I WANT TO APOLOGIZE." "AGAIN." "AGAIN" "AND TELL HER THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT." "AGAIN." "YEAH, AGAIN." "ELVIN!" "HELLO, MRS. HUXTABLE." "OH!" "ELVIN BOUGHT FLOWERS FOR SONDRA." "AGAIN." "AGAIN." "A PEACE OFFERING." "WE WERE HAVING A TALK." "THAT'S NICE." "I HAVE TO DO SOME RESEARCH" "BUT I'LL BE HOME FOR DINNER." "THEN I'LL COOK." "WILL YOU?" "I'D BE HAPPY." "WHAT WILL YOU MAKE?" "I DON'T KNOW." "WILL IT BE SOMETHING I CAN RECOGNIZE?" "I HOPE." "GOOD-BYE, ELVIN." "GOOD-BYE, MRS. HUXTABLE." "I'LL GO GET SONDRA." "DR. HUXTABLE?" "YOUR WIFE GOES TO WORK" "AND YOU COOK?" "RIGHT." "DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU" "THAT WHEN YOU COME HOME" "THERE'S NO HOT MEAL FOR YOU?" "SOMETIMES MY WIFE COMES HOME" "AND THERE'S NO HOT MEAL FOR HER." "WHAT'S YOUR POINT?" "IT CONFUSES THINGS WHEN A WOMAN WORKS." "MY MOTHER WORKS, AND I DON'T LIKE IT." "SOMETIMES WHEN I COME HOME" "THERE'S NOTHING TO EAT." "WELL..." "ARE YOUR HANDS BROKEN?" "I KNOW HOW TO COOK." "UH-HUH." "BUT WHY SHOULD I" "WHEN MY MOM'S SO GOOD AT IT?" "DAD, DENISE SAID I..." "ELVIN." "HI, SONDRA." "THESE ARE FOR YOU, SONDRA." "THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL." "THEY'RE ALL BLUE" "BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I FEEL." "THESE ARE FOR YOU." "I'M NOT HUNGRY." "NO, THANKS." "I KNOW YOU LIKE POTATO CHIPS." "YOU HAVE THEM." "YOU AND ELVIN ARE..." "BACK TOGETHER?" "YES." "GREAT!" "IT'S SAFE TO COME IN." "GOOD!" "TV ANNOUNCER:" "WE TAKE YOU TO MONTE CARLO" "TO THE SEASIDE VILLA" "OF 21-YEAR-OLD COUNT ENRICO PAMPLONA DEL VENDE." "21!" "HIS GARAGE HOUSES SEVEN ROLLS ROYCES" "ONE FOR EACH DAY OF THE WEEK." "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" "BY THE VILLA'S MAGNIFICENT MARBLE OLYMPIC-SIZE POOL" "THE LOVELY CONTESSA CLAUDETTE" "A FORMER SHOWGIRL WITH WITH THE FOLIES BERGERES" "LOUNGES IN THE SUNSHINE" "WHILE SIPPING VINTAGE CHAMPAGNE." "( DOORBELL RINGS )" "WE DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WE WATCH THAT." "HI." "HI." "I'M DARYL MARCHAMP." "I'M PICKING UP SONDRA." "COME IN." "YOU'RE PICKING UP SONDRA?" "YES, SIR." "SONDRA CALLED YOU YESTERDAY?" "YES." "SON, GO UP AND GET SONDRA." "HI, DARYL MARCHAMP." "HOW ARE YOU?" "COME ON IN." "SO YOU'RE AT OBERLIN?" "YES, SIR." "I'M JUST IN TOWN FOR TWO DAYS." "WHAT ARE YOU STUDYING?" "I'M PRE-MED." "PRE-MED." "WHOA..." "I'LL BE ATTENDING MEDICAL SCHOOL AT MEHARRY." "IN NASHVILLE?" "WONDERFUL INSTITUTION." "WHAT'S YOUR SPECIALTY?" "I'M THINKING ABOUT RADIOLOGY." "OOOH..." "WELL, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT." "GOOD." "DARYL, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT WOMEN WORKING?" "I'M ALL FOR IT." "MY MOTHER WORKS." "I GUESS YOU DON'T GET MANY HOT MEALS" "COOKED FOR YOU AT HOME." "WE ALWAYS HAVE HOT MEALS." "EVERYBODY TAKES TURNS COOKING." "WHAT WOULD HAPPEN" "IF YOU CAME HOME AND THERE WAS NO HOT MEAL?" "I CAN COOK FOR MYSELF." "SAY YOU COME HOME WITH THE GUYS" "AND THERE'S NO HOT MEAL." "THAT WOULD BE INCONSIDERATE." "I WOULD CALL FIRST." "THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER DOES WITH MY MOTHER." "IS YOUR FATHER SHORTER THAN YOUR MOTHER?" "NO." "OKAY, OKAY." "BUT, NOW, HOW ABOUT IF YOU'RE MARRIED" "AND YOUR WIFE CAME HOME FROM HER CAREER JOB" "AND SHE SAT DOWN NEXT TO YOU" "AND SHE SAID, "WHERE'S MY DINNER?" "YOU BETTER GET IT ON THIS TABLE RIGHT NOW."" "YOU'RE A MAN, RIGHT?" "WHAT WOULD YOU DO?" "I BETTER DO SOME PRETTY GOOD COOKING." "SONDRA!" "SONDRA!" "SONDRA:" "COMING, DAD." "HURRY UP." "THIS IS MY FRIEND, DARYL." "CAME TO SEE YOU." "NICE TO MEET YOU." "YOU, TOO." "DAD, I'LL BE HOME" "RIGHT AFTER THE CONCERT." "YOU DON'T HAVE TO HURRY HOME." "STAY OUT THERE." "DARYL'S AT MEDICAL SCHOOL, DEAR." "OH, REALLY!" "HIS SPECIALTY IS GOING TO BE RADIOLOGY." "OH, GREAT." "OH, YEAH." "DAD, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" "I'M GOING TO WALK YOU TO THE CORNER." "DR. HUXTABLE, I HAVE MY CAR." "I'LL WALK YOU TO THE CAR." "DAD, THAT'S OKAY." "NEED ANY MONEY?" "NO, DR. HUXTABLE." "YOU DON'T?" "NO, THANK YOU." "HE DOESN'T NEED ANY MONEY!" "( PHONE RINGING )" "HUXTABLE RESIDENCE." "YEAH, ELVIN." "NO, SHE'S NOT HERE." "OKAY, YOU'LL BE BY AT 8 P.M. TO TAKE HER BACK TO PRINCETON." "OKAY, BYE-BYE." "DARYL." "HI, DR. HUXTABLE." "DARYL, I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME." "SO DID I." "TAKE CARE." "HEY, WHAT'S YOUR RUSH?" "COME ON IN." "I CAN STAY FOR A SECOND." "STAY FOR DINNER." "DAD, REMEMBER, MY RIDE IS COMING." "YOUR RIDE CALLED" "AND SAID HE WOULDN'T BE HERE TILL 8 P.M." "SO YOU'LL STAY." "I DON'T WANT TO IMPOSE." "YOU'RE NOT IMPOSING." "HAVE DINNER WITH THE HUXTABLE FAMILY." "DARYL:" "OKAY." "BUT ONLY IF I CAN HELP." "YOU COOK?" "YES, DR. HUXTABLE, I TOLD YOU THAT." "AHA!" "LET'S GO." "MAYBE WE'LL BE DONE BEFORE MY RIDE COMES." "MAYBE THEN YOU'LL HAVE A NEW RIDE." "THEO:" "...LEATHER BUCKET SEATS." "CORINTHIAN LEATHER?" "YES!" "LET'S HAVE DESSERT." "CLAIR:" "KIDS, PLEASE CLEAR THE TABLE." "I'LL HELP." "NO, DARYL, COME WITH ME." "OKAY." "NO, YOU STAY." "DR. HUXTABLE, THANK YOU." "YOU HAVE A TERRIFIC FAMILY." "DARYL, YOU'RE FAILING." "FAILING?" "WITH SONDRA." "MOVE FASTER." "EXCUSE ME?" "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TALK TO SONDRA." "YOU LIKE HER, DON'T YOU?" "WELL, FROM WHAT I'VE KNOWN OF HER THE LAST FIVE HOURS" "SHE'S WONDERFUL" "VERY BRIGHT, ATTRACTIVE." "THEN TELL HER THAT." "IT'S A LITTLE AWKWARD." "THIS IS OUR FIRST DATE." "THE FAMILY HAS BEEN AROUND." "IT'S REALLY NOT MY STYLE." "I'M A SLOW MOVER." "YOU DON'T HAVE TIME." "WHY NOT?" "BECAUSE HE'S COMING." "WHO'S COMING?" "ELVIN!" "WHO'S ELVIN?" "ELVIN'S THE FELLOW THAT SHE LIKES." "OH." "THEN WHY AM I HERE?" "BECAUSE YOU'RE THE FELLOW I LIKE." "YOU LIKE ME, DON'T YOU?" "YEAH." "I COULD BE YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW." "THIS IS MOVING A LITTLE TOO FAST FOR ME." "DO YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN?" "YES." "DOES SHE HAVE YOUR NUMBER?" "YES." "GIVE IT TO ME." "THAT'S NOT NECESSARY." "GIVE IT TO ME!" "DARYL:" "AREA CODE 2-1-6 5-5-5 4-7-9-5." "THAT'S RIGHT." "DARYL, I HOPE YOU LIKE POUND CAKE." "I LIKE EVERYTHING." "WE BETTER HURRY." "I HAVE TO PACK." "SONDRA?" "YES?" "I THINK YOU'RE VERY BRIGHT AND ATTRACTIVE." "THANK YOU." "AND THIS PAST DAY HAS BEEN SIMPLY WONDERFUL." "SONDRA:" "THANK YOU." "THAT'S IT." "SONDRA AND DARYL." "THAT'S IT." "THIS IS GOING TO WORK." "HOW DO YOU KNOW?" "BECAUSE THE BOY IS INTELLIGENT." "HE'S IN PRE-MED." "HE LOVES TO COOK." "AND HE DOESN'T MIND A WOMAN HAVING A CAREER." "WHAT ABOUT ELVIN?" "ELVIN?" "YOU SHOULD HEAR HIS IDEAS ABOUT MARRIAGE." "OH, CLIFF, HE'S ONLY 20." "HE'LL CHANGE." "NO, NO, NO, NOT ELVIN." "ELVIN'S TOUGH." "SO WERE YOU." "WHAT?" "YOU WERE AN ELVIN." "I WAS NOT." "WHEN YOU WERE 19, YOU USED TO STRUT AROUND" "POINT TO ME, AND SAY, "MY WOMAN."" "YOU WERE PITIFUL." "YEAH, BUT I CHANGED." "BECAUSE I CHANGED YOU." "BUT DARYL DOESN'T HAVE TO CHANGE." "HE'S GOT ALL THE RIGHT ATTITUDES." "CLIFF, DARYL COULD BE A BUSHWACKER." "BUSHWACKER?" "YES, A BOY WHO SAYS ALL THE RIGHT THINGS" "BECAUSE HE'S WAITING IN THE BUSHES." "THEN HE'LL JUMP OUT AND SAY:" ""WHERE'S MY DINNER AND MY 12 BABIES?"" "ARE YOU SAYING THAT THAT LOVELY BOY IS A LIAR?" "I'M SAYING DARYL COULD BE AN ELVIN IN DISGUISE." "HUH?" "THERE IS AN ELVIN AND A DARYL IN EVERY MAN." "YOU STARTED OUT AN ELVIN, AND CHANGED TO A DARYL." "YES, YES, OKAY." "BUT WHAT IF SONDRA MARRIES ELVIN" "AND HE DOESN'T CHANGE?" "IT'S SONDRA'S CHOICE." "WE HAVE TO RESPECT IT." "CAN I ROOT FOR WHO I WANT?" "( DOORBELL RINGS )" "CLIFF:" "ELVIN." "HOW ARE YOU DOING, ELVIN?" "HI, DR. HUXTABLE." "HI, MRS. HUXTABLE." "HELLO, ELVIN." "IS SONDRA READY?" "NOT YET." "SHE'LL BE DOWN SOON." "WOULD EITHER OF YOU LIKE COFFEE?" "COFFEE?" "YEAH, COFFEE." "YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT?" "YES, YOU'RE SURPRISED?" "YOU D0 THAT KIND OF THING?" "WHAT KIND OF THING?" "YOU KNOW, SERVE." "SERVE WHOM?" "SERVE HIM." "OH, SERVE HIM." "AS IN, "SERVE YOUR MAN"?" "WELL, YEAH." "LISTEN, ELVIN." "I'M NOT SERVING DR. HUXTABLE." "OKAY." "THAT GOES ON IN A RESTAURANT." "I'M BRINGING HIM COFFEE" "JUST LIKE HE BROUGHT ME COFFEE THIS MORNING." "MARRIAGE IS GIVE AND TAKE." "IF YOU DON'T DROP THESE MACHO ATTITUDES" "YOU'LL NEVER HAVE ANYBODY BRINGING YOU ANYTHING EVER." "NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE IN YOUR COFFEE?" "MAYBE I COULD GET YOU SOME COFFEE." "ELVIN, I DON'T MIND GETTING IT." "BUT THANKS FOR OFFERING." "ELVIN." "YES, SIR?" "WHEN SHE BRINGS THE COFFEE BACK" "IF I WERE YOU, I WOULDN'T DRINK IT."