"According to the novels of Ilya Ilfa and Eugene Petrov" "12 Krzese³" "Part One ICE has begun at 11.30 Stargorodu came to the young man." "give 10 kopecks!" "give 10 kopecks!" "give 10 kopecks!" "give 10 kopecks!" "where are the money?" "No." "had neither the money nor the key or apartment." "He did not have anything." "Was named Ostap Bender." "MEAT TRADE And game" "HATS AND OTHER HEADGEAR" "Bon Appetit" "RIO-DE-JANEIRO Pub" "ARTICLES CHEMICAL A. BUT" "PRIVATE TRADE BACHANIUK i S-ka" "What is it?" "What's going on and who you are?" "Could something be wrong?" "Well you know yourself." "And can we come into the store and there we'll talk?" "Talk to you in another place!" "Welfare House No. 2" "Let the fire." "need boyfriends in your city?" "You are in any fiancees?" "And many a mare enough." "I have more questions." "And in this house are fiancees?" "old ladies living here - pensioners." "those that were born the historical materialism?" "you were born." "it would not be bad to drink guinea?" "that attitude." " Okay." " Come on." "Spend with you." "a decent man out of you." "And what there was for the old regime?" "Hippolytus Matwiejewicz Worobianinow." " Bourgeois?" " Sam're bourgeois." "Marshal of the nobility." "I am proletarian." "You yourself are the proletariat!" "I said - the marshal." "Even policmajster salute him. and he gives three rubles." "just... the next three rubles." "He promised to introduce me to the coin." "if you already have a medal." "Did not have time." " And now for the give medals kept watch?" " Give." "I'm going." "go!" "My lord!" "From Paris!" "Tichonie." "But Paris was not what you came to a head?" "you are cordially welcome to our "hut"." " But I'm not from Paris!" " And great!" "visit his deceased grandmother." "My name is Bender." "Perhaps you have heard?" "not heard." "yes." "Where in Paris would be known Ostap Suleiman Bert Marie Bender-Bey?" "Bert Marie Bender-Bey..." "a kind of silly." "cit... with Morszañska." "Heat now in Paris?" "You know..." "I have a better go." "Where you do not have to hurry." "GPU itself will come to you." " I do not understand you." " Soon you will understand." "Please sit down." "Fast!" "Romanian?" "I am a citizen Soviet" "I can show you passport." "Please. that simply laugh talk about it." "B" " The immigrant is afraid that will take him to the GPU" "I'm not an immigrant!" "And who are you?" "Why do you come here?" " I came in a case." " In what case?" " In a personal statement!" " The personal?" "that it is not an immigrant?" "or choose somewhere else?" "Well! and this looks like goodies dodger." "This can be useful." "Well." "I will tell you everything .. it might seem that the residents arise only after it" "Wash the head and died instantly." "No sooner she dies!" "O God!" "Confessed." "Pure soul." "Hipolit Matwiejewiczu." " Hipolit!" "please go." "Hipolit..." "Should I entrust to you an important secret." "Do you remember our set Stargorodzie in the living room?" "a dozen chairs..." "The chair seat decamped their diamonds." "during the search?" "Hid diamonds in his chair." "Your jewels! " Why do not you give me them?" "if you missed my daughter's fortune?" "Packed in a chair diamonds worth 70 thousand!" "which do not know who is sitting!" "after all ..!" "the evening bell..."" " Fedya... what about you?" "How many think he brings." "God!" "What have you done with him?" "Listen carefully." "Just a word to anyone!" "Have just confessed Worobianinowa mother in law. in one of the chairs from the living room retracted her diamonds!" "These diamonds bequeathed me." " You?" " Me! and maybe something else." ""Evening bell..." "Diamonds!" "I find them." "Surely find." "I feel that the stones are chosen with relish." "I think that now are worth 150-thousand." " There so much?" " Certainly not less." "pluñcie on everything." "saliva." " Nothing will come of it." " What?" "Lord suite of furniture burned down long ago... in the oven." "Peace of mind... peace." "Peace!" "I am taking the matter into their own hands." "So... we conclude little agreement." "I get..." " Sixty percent." " It's highway robbery in broad daylight!" "And if you wanted to propose to me?" "about five percent..." "the final ten. where are the money? I have every reason to believe that itself can manage with my case." "I have no less reason to believe I myself I can manage with your case." "Cheater! and you know that your diamonds almost in my pocket?" "I am interested only in so I want you to secure old age." "Twenty percent." " Yes... and my board." " Twenty-five." "And the key to the apartment." " Thirty percent!" " Well." "Only out of respect for yours noble origin" "I am ready to work for these miserable forty per cent." "That's 60 thousand!" "Look... you are extremely greedy man." " He loves you more money than you." " And you do not love me?" " No." " It's what you 60 thousand?" "Of principle." "ice started?" " Street Smart!" " What?" "gentlemen of the jury!" "And I will lead a parade!" "partner." "There's good news." "Found the first chair." "the former of your apartments!" "Please finish your morning toilet and draw near to work." "I am ready." "What about you?" "You crazy?" "What is it?" "Please look." "My God!" "My God!" "What is it?" "What is it?" "They told me that the paint gives intense black color." "Goods smuggled!" "on the street Dierebassowskiej." "My God... what to do?" "What to do?" "Przemalujemy." "maroon color." "What do you say?" "Yes." "Impressive... so impressive." "Simple and with taste." "But to live with such hair in Soviet Russia is inappropriate." " Why?" " You will be shaved." "That's impossible!" "I'll go look for chairs." "Ogólcie!" "For shaving and haircutting pays you two rubles." "Why so expensive?" "Everywhere take 40 kopecks." "Comrade feldmarsza³ku." "you're done." "Nervous - please do not look!" "Head of House Welfare No 2 thief was shy. but do not steal - he could not." "Steal - and ashamed." "Constantly steal and constantly ashamed." "like Alexander Yakovlevich." "Being non-ferrous metals to the point of purchase helping society!" "Welfare House No. 2" "Brass band by for collective creativity." "Dyszkanty quieter!" "quietly!" "who is the leader here?" "comrade?" "Folk songs?" "Very interesting." "comrade." "s watch room." " There you go." " Is this room used Prymusowa?" " Kukuszkina!" "no!" " Stoves and the like?" "no." " Come on." "Legs" "This is our bedroom." "I understand." "Chimneys are cleaned regularly?" "." "yes." " Ovens are you okay?" "The total order." "Let's go further." "And what is this?" "A new batch of the old man?" " It's orphans." " A sad legacy of the tsarist regime." "what God has given... and the like." "Drink for your household utilities." "Many thanks." " Bon Appetit." " Thank you." "why in your plant is the geriatric poor equipment?" "Absolutely not what sit comfortably." " How it is not what?" " Well what a gentleman." "The rehearsal room is the English chair." "They say that it was the old furniture." "The unique thing." "This morning was a chair here!" "Where to podzia³o?" "That is what happened here." "Sad thing." "In your farm chairs disappear in mysterious ways." " It's simply ridiculous!" " I will look in the bedrooms." "One of my friends also selling state property." "These baseless me yours allegations seem very strange." "you... wyskrobku... who sold the chair? it will just bits and maybe even kicked." "I saw him the first time in my life." " For the first time?" " How do I love God!" " Yes?" "I should like your T-Mobile throat!" "Zarathustra I just can not." "Get out of a hundred devils!" "One moment." "What are you doing?" "Giving a person a bribe official time performance of their duties?" "Article 114 of the Criminal Code." "Shame!" ".. So beat it for the British sea" "The Red Army is all the strongest." "Now the Red Army public order" "It holds its ruthless hand" "And we all absolutely should fatal battle." DISCUSSION "Does God exist?" Discount for non-believers." "OUR RESPONSE" "World famous Mademoiselle FiFi" " Rob!" " Let..." " Let me ..!" " Help!" " Dad?" " Hippolytus Matwiejewicz?" "hunts on my property?" "Very nice!" " It's not yours property." " A Whose?" " Nationalized." " By whom?" " Authority of the working people." " Authority workers and peasants?" " Exactly." "It may be a daddy party?" " Perhaps." " Perhaps?" "daddy was?" "You racketeer." "Father Fiodorze!" "For a brief hands!" "cool evening weighed up the fate of the entire project. the matter may be regarded as settled." "So I would like to find something father of furniture to keep the memory of him." "Maybe you know who have been provided furniture from my father's house?" "This is a very complicated matter." "Very complicated." "Deal with it can only a wealthy man." "as he called Guy de Maupassant?" "ojczulku." "Money in exchange for warrants." "When to come?" "you have money with you?" "please." "Aha!" "The entire archive in your home." "just in case." "anything can happen." "People rush to find their furniture... here they are!" "who had saved?" "Korobiejnikow!" "thank the old man." "the top ten for nakazik... and sufficient." "O. .." "Here orders." "All the furniture of your father..." "Here are all of them." "You are a veritable concrete move work." "sir." " I write pokwitowanko?" " Can you please write." "You may want to have a set of General's Popowa what?" "Very good and well executed by Gambsa." "heartfelt thanks." "Well... it goodbye!" "No longer dare to abuse of your hospitality." "And money?" "What money?" "He asked me about some money?" "for the orders!" "Oops... my dear!" "I forgot to take from your account." "Shut up... bojowniku idea!" "hi!" "Please write letters." "Stop!" "Never Warfo³omiej Korobiejnikow has not been so basely deceived." "He could fool everyone and now lost after which the expected large gains and old age security." "Beg your pardon... how to find Korobiejnikowa to the citizen?" "I am Korobiejnikow." "I am my brother Hippolyte Matwiejewicza Worobianinowa... rodzonym." "Ice cream started!" "Well... nakazik the suite of furniture of your brother..." " Is in my possession." " Thank you." "Hundred rubles!" "I'll have the money in advance!" " I do not mind that I pay with gold?" " I do not mind." "Wait a minute." "Wtryniê his arrest on a set of General's Popowa." "Please." "all." "house No. 34 every one." "Gambsowski." "Lick fingers!" " I greatly thank you." " Not at all." "Careful!" "Prat." "I forgot to say" "These orders paid for citizen Korobiejnikowowi seventy rubles." " How much?" "!" " Seventy!" "Here's a receipt." "I believe that the partners involved the cost to half." " No clear!" " It let me ask 35 rubelków." "was issued at the Museum Furniture in Moscow." "was issued obywatelce Gricac... widow after disabled World War II." "street Plekhanov 15 yes." "It seems to me that the jewelry are found in this chair." "Waiting for you in the vestibule." "Had a nice lady" "They could fly like birds" "I could not garbi³" "I would be eternally them..." About!" ".. Delighted." " "I would be happy as ever." - "Evening bell..." "How many thoughts" "This brings it." "ojczulku." "Hipolit Matwiejewiczu." "Can not hurt you when you our last meeting?" "Well you know what you I was very pleased to meet you." "now you do not use it?" "looking for treasure." "His... please note their treasures!" "but I know that they seek." "A. .. a rival company!" "krówko of God?" "What do you mean?" "I want you to sell a dead donkey ears." "a new steal?" "he flees..." " Sam you fool!" " What?" "After the amount of "opium for the masses"?" " Good morning." " Good morning." "The health inspection." " Dr. Michelson." " I am very pleasantly." " Konrad Karlowicz." " I am very pleasantly." "s watch room." "please." "I am telling you that he was." "It certainly..." "Worobianinow the picture." "And with him was a lovely man." "There must have been an officer." "why he came?" "not to to sign agreements with the Bolsheviks." "Think that it is under threat danger?" "And who is not exposed at risk?" "is not goals for no reason!" " Does it received the internationally?" " Certainly." "But in so far as to come here?" "Do not be a child!" "I have to view it" "Do you know what you risk?" "All one to me." "After ten years of separation I can not meet with him!" "sir..." "I beg you." "Why do not you bring him." "Why do not you bring it!" "Where among the pampas buffalo run" "And the sunsets baobabami are the color of blood" "In the thickets Amazon live pirate grim not a believer in love." "When the terrible battle back home" "Slick figure the color of chocolate" "I waved from the shore hand to him." "Where love..." "Where love..." "Where love..." "There is always raining blood!" "the statuette his ship ' and called it" "Birds at the branches of your soul." "the young cowboy" "Graceful Kreolkê saw on a date" "And one bullet killed both of them sunk in nostalgia wandered to the shore." "And when the morning za³ka³y Christmas tree" "He understood that the heart can not quench the passions" "He scored for his shrapnel and shot '" "Ptaszka on the branches of your soul." "I felt something hard under me." "They are there!" "A chair must be present at night to steal!" "to steal!" "As the marshal of the nobility you have a very rich imagination." "It's simple villainy rob the poor widow." " It would be nice as soon as possible." " Quickly is just a cat blanket." "marry her." "after all is a woman?" " But you are bound for life!" " What is not done for the good of the company." "Good evening to you..." "Hipolit Matwiejewiczu." "I do not have the pleasure..." "What do you have to say my friend?" "Helen sent me Stanislavovna." "How so?" "So it is here?" "very wants to see you." "Pardon." "Acquaintance of a woman?" "Mhm... old friend." "This may fall into to an old friend for dinner." "I'm hungry like the wolf on the tea with the widow." " Why not?" " It's go." "mysterious stranger." "everything is strictly confidential." " Secret?" " Strictly!" "coming to me." "what comes Mr. Paris." "came from..." "We came with a friend from Berlin... but for the better do not talk loudly. it's hard to know... or a late lunch." "run and operate." "Trying not wsypie?" "You can trust her?" " The political creed of the Lord?" " Always!" "Russia will not forget about you!" "Absolute discretion." "State secret!" "You know who this wonderful old man?" "can you not know that." "father of Russian democracy and a person standing close to the Tsar." "Our lot in town?" "What mood?" "say..." " Well! whose bad luck pushed underground." "Who can I invite?" "Former alderman Czarusznikow." "In the regiment you served?" "I..." "I tell you the truth I was in the army." " You're a gentleman?" " Yes..." "I was." "I hope you are still there." "Perseverance!" "Foreign help." "The overall organization of the conspiracy." "Vigilance!" "Take care!" "West will help us." "young people are nobles?" "Very good." "West will help us." "Take care." "Absolute secrecy contributions..." "This is... organization." "Relationship..." "Relevance of the sword..." "and as he was there..." "Blade." "Vigilance!" "President Odesskiego Artelu Bakery "Moscow bagel" Mr. Kislarski." "I am very pleased." "Thank you." "please." "I was not in the army." " You're a gentleman?" " Yes." "Yes?" " No." " Yes or no?" "as you comfortably." "you can not be deaf to the needs of the people." " I can not." " Take care!" " Okay." "Do you know who is there?" "but I think This kocio Worobianinow." " Kocio?" " Yes." " What is it for you kocio!" " This is a giant of thought." " Kocio?" "Father of Russian democracy." "A person standing close to the Tsar." "Secret Link Sword and Blade!" "O God!" " Can you still go out." " It may be better to go out." "we have long arms." " It can become better." "Take care!" "Take care." "Well." "as it is known to you." "A holy purpose!" "Everywhere we hear complaints... all pages of our vast country." "Some of you have a job and eat white bread with butter." "Others eat sandwiches with black caviar and some even with red." "Third receive allocations..." "I only homeless children are unaccompanied." "we should help them." "And we help them!" "Immediate assistance is needed." "Children are the flowers of life." "I urge you to make right now donated to help children." "Only children and to anyone else." "Do you understand me?" "Please make payment according to seniority." "the Reverend Maxim Petrovich." "it will give more." "indeed... which currently represent." "Well... go on!" "We have collected five hundred rubles." "Ladies and gentlemen!" "Children will not forget you." "The date of next meeting you will be notified separately." "Please break up individually!" " Full discretion." " Yes!" "it is in your interest." "We will not live!" "Kiss!" "Kiss!" "Kiss!" "Kiss!" "Kiss!" "Kiss!" "what is the matter with you?" "your cockerel is healthy." "you spoil everything!" "Please give a chair!" "why not return?" "my hen!" "your cockerel right back." "There's nothing there!" "Nothing there." "You do not know how to keep in decent company." "Destroy you... my family life." "where are you?" "To the window!" "go!" "I'm going!" "Your suse³ek flies to his taps on the wings of love." "and where the Father Fyodor?" "Where is the treasure-seeker and the sworn enemy of Hippolytus Matwiejewicza?" "urge him wealth." "Omota³o him for good and suffered it to Russia... which of course is nothing .." "Dad travels to Russia and only writes letters to his wife." "Katiu my love!" "as we thought. where I'm going now." "So Be patient and God help sell my old cassock choose." "I had the great displeasure." "I admired the Russian train window Nature .. from my head... the wind blew my hat from his head." "Zdmuchnê³o hat!" "Partners came to the capital equivalent to eleven" "Moscow time." "Where are you actually arrived?" "For respectable people." "There are many in Moscow and they are all my friends." "Please partner." "It was a wonderful house academic monk named Berthold Schwartz. and now it was something indirect a feudal village." "are you?" "this fool zwalili the guests at dawn." "For sure the police." "I want to sleep!" "I am at home." "Climb." "climb." "this is Lisa." " I am very pleased." "you can for a moment?" "my dear lady." " What's in it this beautiful!" "Please do not be surprised This is the last room." "Here is the acoustics." "I'll give you the key to peace Iwanopula." "Went on half a year in the delegation." "That Make yourself at home." "Great solution!" "where they will lay the money." " Bye." " Bye." "Please visit us." " Even their little guests!" " And they that go to the canteen." "Well pray you give a man sleep!" "where a medical student division of the mattress?" "partner?" "Please enter." "Pardon.... and where we sleep?" "Furnish up perfectly." "Please ignore." "This property Iwanopulo." "Well..." "Now a short vacation and furniture to the museum. man standing near the Tsar." "Here are two hundred rubles." "here no one cheated." "Souvenir." "I took a souvenir from Madame Gricacujewej." "as the poet says." "I will not go more the vegetarian canteen." "I no longer eat a false hare Carrot or sausages with peas." "So I submit to the meat of the poor animals over vegetarian food?" " Yes?" " Yes! he is not liked." "But the meat... the meat of their family budget simply would not stand!" "My girl!" "well!" "to fight infection!" "well! part of the 1st." "Leo Tolstoy also do not eat meat." "eat!" " And as he wrote "Anna Karenina" is ¿ar³!" " Chopped as it should be!" "Not meddling in our family life!" "Why is my czepi³aœ with its Tolstoy?" "I?" "To you?" "CZEPIL now!" "Or something!" "Where are you going?" "where are you going?" " Please leave me alone!" "unhappy!" " Liza!" "she went after the sausage." "come back!" "O God!" "Give me finally sleep!" "What you see before me?" "the bed." "Specifically - furniture." "What does this tell us the furniture?" "not from work was a dissolute aristocracy." "young lady!" "I am talking to you!" "In the museum you can not touch the furniture!" " Excuse me." " Good to know." "Only a morbid fantasy failing grades could think of bedroom furniture so unbelievable proportions." "Not even worth talking about that ordinary people would not have what do these strange couches." "There is nothing funny about this." "but please do not touch." "what does this mean?" "sir Michellson." " What does this mean?" "and they never have!" "should electroconvulsive heal." "we can find." " Is it these?" " No!" "Yes..." "Please wait here for me." "Comrade Bender!" " As you went there?" " Quite by accident." "Quarreled with her husband." " How to ..?" " For a moment I will return." " Yes..." "Elizawieto ..?" " Petrovna." " I am very pleased." "Hippolytus Matwiejewicz." " I am very pleased." " Sille vous plait." " What?" " Please sit down." " Thank you very much." "Yes..." "Such cases." "it is already spring." " Have you been to Paris?" " Sometimes." " You're probably a scientist?" "For a long time... to some extent." "Unless you count the years?" "which currently represent This has no connection." "But more or less?" "Thirty?" "Forty?" "Fifty?" "Almost..." "Thirty-eight." "Ooo... what you say it!" "You look much younger." "Mrs. kidding... pochlebczyni." "sent here for the voucher?" "As it does not!" "What did you say?" "When I was lucky see the lady again?" "And where it disappeared Bender companion?" "What is this Bender?" "Maybe today?" " Today?" " I beg you." "please come to us." "let's meet in the open air." "Now is the lovely weather." "This is May - wizard" "Blows us a fresh breath." " This poem by Mayakovsky." " Yes... probably." " So today?" " What you strange." " Thank you!" "mademoiselle." "We have to quickly go to some place." "sorry." "Elizawieto Petrovna." "For the evening!" "What..." "What happened?" "Cab!" "Cab!" "Cab!" "Cab!" "Stop!" "For auction... fast!" "O God!" "That one!" "and farewell!" " That one!" " Silence!" "Can I buy these chairs?" "auctions are completed." "Thank you!" "pray for me!" "women and cards you have already zaklepane!" "Worobianinow had in his pocket two hundred rubles." "Man about town were decided Lisa dazzle a wide gesture." "Go ahead." " Can you ask?" " For a minute." " Can you ask?" " For a moment." "Can you..." "Mr." "This table do not support." "Please change." "Pardon!" "It's a table for foreigners." "O. .. amazing!" "Veal Cutlet - two twenty-five." "Fillet - two twenty-five." "Vodka... incredible!" "Price is per carafe." "Oops..." "Sorry." "I did not want to eat." "Or maybe..." "Comrade... you can make... vegetarian?" "Vegetarian cuisine is not conducting. .. about that for ruble twenty." "A bottle of vodka i. .. all" "And what about for a snack?" "oysters..." "You do not need." "How much have cucumbers... cucumbers?" " After five kopecks." " Well... please specify." "Two!" "I was not ever there." "It is very nice." "yes... yes." "Please." "Thank you very much." "Maybe a bunch?" "For the ladies." "and you may be." "As a gentleman I can not allow this to happen." "Please!" "Please listen!" "Please listen!" "PojedŸmy... pojedŸmy to the hotel." "Waiter!" "Champagne!" "Yokels!" "Champagne!" "Bronze figure depicting justice." "Vasily!" "Show public justice!" "Five rubles." "Who gives more?" " Six!" " Six rubles for the first time." "Six and a half." " Would take up quite a stir..." " Seven!" " Eight." " If they learned what is in those chairs." " Nine! nine rubles... the third time." "Justice sold." "sixth row from the left." "Ten of the palace chairs." " Why is the palace?" " Sit and you do not get away!" " 80 rubles." " 90!" "100." "105!" "110." "115." " Why did not you bid?" "!" " He went won!" "120." " 125 - 130" "145!" "the first time." "145 for the second time." "145 after the third time." "200!" "200 for the first time." "200 for the second time." "200 for the third time." "Sold!" "partner?" "Effectively?" "Yes... yes!" "my." "even once." " They pay 230 rubles gentlemen." " Why 230 and not 200?" "Charge 15 percent commission." "what can I do?" "Difficult." "because a lady waiting!" " I have no money." " How to... and two hundred rubles?" "I will... the old rascal!" "a tiny perturbation." "With permission!" "We do not know anything about a komisowym!" "To warn you!" "I refuse to pay these 30 rubles!" "Well." "Il get it soon." "In accordance with the provisions of licytacyjnymi are required to leave the room!" "Gentlemen!" "Yes... the result was great!" "Such a great blow Kombinator not experienced for a long time" "Unheard of orders!" "You must lodge their complaint with the police." "God knows what it means!" "Tearing the skin of the working man!" "For God's sake!" "Ten used chairs 230 rubles!" " You can go crazy!" " Yes." "True?" "You can go crazy!" "Can." "It is a militia!" "It's too expensive chairs for the working people of all countries!" "This is the night trips to the girls!" "This is for your gray beard!" "And this... hook you in the taste!" "Now get out!" " All is lost!" " What is lost?" "Sell a set of art!" "Please do enjoy." "What's up?" "boy!" "Cautious..." "Gavrila!" "Go!" "Second floor." "a flat 18" "Keep the ruble!" "make no little." "Ears of a dead donkey!" "Hear from Pushkin." "make!" "We know where the nine chairs." "you can not fall down on the spirit." "I am concerned about the tenth chair." "Well." "We have nine chances against one." "It is not the worst." "Meeting in progress!" "Why do not you listen to... ulubieñcu ladies!" "until hot!" "Act boldly." "And how much cynicism!" "People like it." "no offense!" "The Penal Code should..." "The Code should respect." "Eli Shchukin completely enough to thirty words." "Ho-ho!" "The words "ho-ho" Hela measured the virtually everything." "that of the husband's shirts which bears this unfortunate American." "shake and go with me to the end of the world but I will coldly." "Iron!" "Helena." "ch³opaczku." "And what is it?" " How did these chairs?" " Ho-ho!" "what cute?" "that your wife has no taste?" "nice chairs." "Someone gave as a gift?" "Do not be naive Who can afford to such gifts?" "That is to say... that it Kupilas?" "!" "hell already gave!" " Ho-ho!" "Do not put!" "that you are living beyond their means." "Do not teach me as I live!" " I can not cook them!" " Ho-ho!" "Well." "So you can not live." " We have split up." " Enormous!" "where did you this stupid jargon?" "!" "Please teach me how I live!" "it is quite unbearable." "RozejdŸmy immediately." "You leave this room." "I'll give you a hundred rubles a month." "Even a hundred and twenty." "I have so I can not." "Ivan went to the cottage Alekseyevich and left me his apartment." " Enormous!" "Only a little furniture there." "I'll have the desk... and one of these chairs." " I think I have this right." " Iron." "I have a question." "Beautiful fur." "Mexican leafhoppers." "It is impossible lady cheated!" "Sold you a much more valuable fur." "This is Shanghai barsy!" "barsy!" "Recognize them in the shade." "boy." "Sure surprised Mrs. morning visit the stranger." "I came to you in a certain delicate matter." "Mrs. yesterday at auction and you had me extraordinary impression." " Colossal." " She bought you a chair." "could buy the art object." "Let me sell you the chair." "I'll pay for it ten rubles." "Well... twelve." "boy! pours the tea through a sieve." "This is a very chic and very elegant." "Just came to my friend diplomat in Vienna and brought I this trifle." "I will give you a strainer." "Ho-ho?" "Iron!" "Give me a second seat." "Ho-ho." "What's "ho-ho"?" "Where the second chair?" "it's time" "Where the sea becomes white top." "Where are Overseas countries'" "Where..." "Janitor!" "Janitor!" "Janitor!" "Dozor..." "The situation was horrible. absolutely goluteñki." "He had no where to go." "than show up in this state." "He has been only one." "Die!" "End of Part One" "12 Krzese³" "Part Two MEETING IN PROGRESS" "HOUSE OF NATIONS" boiled." "here was their man. where bursting clear source of fees under cover of broad - departmental journals." "KURIER hygroscopic" "Good morning." "welcome." " Hello." " I wrote an interesting poem." " And what?" "we are a medical letter." "Of course." "Ballad of Gangrel." "It's interesting." "Has long should popularize the idea of prevention." "And: "The Ballad of Gangrel." "Gavrila zmóg³ gangrene poison..." "WOMAN AND MAN "Ballad of infidelity." "Gavrila betrayed his wife... what a beginning?" "Overall... well." "Still sick. improbable events." "Where you've seen that men betray your wife?" "I personally do something like this I do not remember." "it is our wives." " It's absolutely unique." " It's true." "I also thought a lot about it." "I have another option here:" "Gavrila was faithful to their wives... a lot tougher." "Fragrant PEPPER "Ballad of migraine Gavrila bureaucrat was..." "SCREEN AND FOG "Ballad of substitution Gavrila ordered shooting video..." "It's pouring you water?" "Found a place to swim!" "You crazy?" "Maybe instead of crying you went to bath?" "as you look?" "Like a picador!" " Key." " What key?" " From flat." " What are the money?" "Mr. Shchukin is an engineer?" "And you can not get the apartment?" "it's that simple!" "O. .." "You saved me!" "if not for you!" "it seemed." "Comrade Shchukin." " I will be glad to help you." "Grand merci." "it is your spouse asked to bring this chair." "Very please." "Please." "Thank you." "Sorry!" "Sorry!" "I'm with the press." "What happened?" "Write!" "I ran the cab..." "Nikifor Trubetskoy." "or could not fee to get today?" "We urgently need money." "The bailiff took me all the furniture." "as I do not receive advance from the publisher." "What?" "Excuse me if I can see with the companion AT Lapis Trubeckim?" "You do not have the right amount of furniture!" "you have no right!" "it's my tool!" "I sit on it!" "I create it!" "I give!" "Per week." "Please put a chair!" "a misunderstanding." " Service is not the best man." " Bureaucrats!" "Begone!" "that theft is a sin?" "a person standing close to the Tsar and such a low propensity!" "wa³ówki you and I will not wear!" "neither sister nor lover!" "why than with that" "I met you and I lost the peace" "I do not understand why and no one knows when kiego?" " Ingenious!" " Please." "Do you live here Lapsus Trubetskoy?" "Lapis Trubetskoy... that's me." "comrade?" "Chasing the official courier This stinking affair!" " What kind of a courier?" " You yourselves know what?" "please empty this chair!" "It is not right." "citizen!" "Opró¿nijcie furniture." "Please sit down!" "I will not allow to deduce furniture!" "Acts of resistance in the performance business activities." "obywatelko?" "You will be a witness." "Who are the accused?" "That's my wife!" "Section #." "Or he goes to sit!" "Had to be right away." "not to hamper!" "Rights must be respected!" "not lead!" "When is derived?" "Goodbye!" "Bureaucrat!" "Great!" "Each found a chair increases our chances." "I shall press." "The newspaper "Machine" in the House of Nations! and that when all at once kieszonkowca catch." "Excuse me..." "Where is the "Machine"?" " Good morning." " What you?" "here it is written..." " "He hit the cab." "I ended up a slight fear." " So what?" " Address." " What is the address?" " Citizen O. Bender!" "The yellow kamaszkach!" "TIME IS MONEY" "Comrade Bender!" "Comrade Bender!" "Comrade Bender!" "Suse³ku!" "My koguciku!" "EDITOR" "but there is still no diamonds." "darling." "A. .." "Field Marshal!" "What could be learn about the theater "Columbus"?" "Extremely unfavorable news." "Something again?" "Please check in!" "the theater is closed season leaving the theater the guest appearances." "To hell!" "Chairs roz³a¿¹ like cockroaches!" "and one is here somewhere!" "With two hares usually t³ustszego selected." "yes." "Well!" "Let's close the season." "I invited the men in order to pass arcynieprzyjemn¹ you a message." "Goes to our comptroller." " As comptroller?" " As comptroller?" "Comptroller of St. Petersburg." "with the secret instructions!" "That's awful!" "and here you are!" "Inspector General" "Rushes rustled crisp in the darkness... trees are giê³y" "Staging amazing!" "and what this great depth." "Deep... copies!" "I invited the men in order to pass arcynieprzyjemn¹ you a message." "Goes to our comptroller... we can go." ".. from St. Petersburg!" " Catch auditor!" " Forward!" " Tan his skin!" " Down with the robber!" "Chase it!" "begone!" "Freedom for private capital?" "Ingenious staging!" "Working intelligentsia among the people." "But the depth!" "Long live the tradespeople working!" "Down with the bribes!" "What a wonderful symbol of detachment from the nation and the fall!" "Katiu my love!" "for which I thank warmly." "Engineer Bruns in Rostov I did not find." "where I'm leaving tomorrow." "do not survive." "An end to our suffering in sight." "Our candles next to factories." "Ours!" "Chairs... chairs already loaded!" "What are you excited ship is not taking passengers!" " It's a special trip." " What?" "Do you see the word?" ""Everybody on the draw" "Ship hired Commissariat Lottery." "During the voyage will losowaæ state loan." " And what is this theater?" " Dark man!" "Theater in an accessible form will be promote the idea of government bonds." "neither the committee nor the theater." " What to do?" "Ein moment!" "Onward!" " But he fell ill." " Why did not you said earlier?" " You will receive a separate cabin." " How do I know that the painter ill?" "what now?" "Drive into town after another!" "Go ahead." "You will receive a separate cabin." "I will go where?" "Immediately off!" " It will paint themselves!" " But I can not!" " That I do not care!" "please!" "sir!" " What?" " I say that you can swim with us." " Now! "" " Yes!" "it will be difficult." "But I'll try to." "And what reward?" "Paid at the salary scale." "comrade!" " In addition to free meals and a separate cabin." "the dogadaliœmy." "But with me it is a boy." " What's the boy?" " Assistant." "sorry..." "Let your lives in the cabin." " Here is the key." " Key." " Key to the flat where the money lie." " What do you say?" "accustomed the Spartan conditions." "What are you standing like a pillar?" "I thought you had long since on board." "Przepuœæcie that citizen!" "Here's a pass!" " So this is your boy?" " Boy!" "Who says this girl let him first cast a stone at me!" "please sing out loud." " What to sing?" " Certainly not "God save the Tsar!" "Understood." "Dear comrades..." "I consider this masówkê open!" "The heart of beauty tends to toward betrayal as the May wind." "though they are false" "Because you can not live without..." "Tra la la la..." "And let them laugh" "Let podkpiwaj¹..." "But for me..." "But with me..." "I just laugh at me!" " We check at night." " Yes!" "Are!" "Give me that!" "The master's chair Gambs starts a new batch of furniture." "St. Petersburg." "And where are the diamonds?" "³owco chairs!" "no!" "silence." "do not have to! in which we found This silly little box. 99 chances in a hundred!" "And you signed up for a loan?" "According to the approved sketch... three meters in four... follow the banner  the evening." "You have time?" " Do not be alarmed." "Banner will be made within everything!" "You know how to paint?" "Pity me or not." "can you?" "You also can not?" "Pretty bad." "we are painters!" "Raise!" " As soon as we throw away." " For what?" "club Tekturowiec " lecture will be held on:" "and while seance chess game for 160 szachownicach led by Grandmaster A. Bender." "Szachownicami with its own entrance." "Introduction 20 kopecks." "The fee for the game 50 kopecks." "Beginning at 6 in the evening." "Club "Tekturowiec" " Finishing the sale... how much?" " Thirty-five rubles." "you will cry... rent boat and wait for the appointed place." "Comrade Bender!" "How will you play?" "I'm still in form." "and more.... continue to be seen." "Wait a minute!" "Comrades... and brothers chess." "The theme of my reading is creative concept debut." "the debut... the concept of?" "What is this?" "the brothers were "quasi una fantasia"... and it is all clear." "concept?" "is... chess form." "Even the meager forces can control the whole chessboard." "Everything depends on each one of you individually." "but others played badly. every day every hour and every minute will not be trained to play checkers." "In chess!" "Let's continue... that your 'club four horses can completely change the city Wasiuki?" "I propose... in Wasiukach... organize an international Chess Tournament." "That's it!" "Fans come to the tournament Chess around the world." "Hundreds of thousands of wealthy foreign tourists sail to Vasiukov." "The State will have to quickly build a railroad and a highway Moscow" " Wasiuki!" "where you will played in the tournament." "Powerful radio station to transmit sensational news to the whole world." "Airport "Great Wasiuki"... to scheduled and charter flight around the world including Rio de Janeiro and Melbourne!" "Try to imagine it!" "RESTAURANT E2" "CHESS PALACE OF THOUGHT CLUB FOUR HORSES" "HOTEL wandering Pawn" "Pub MAT IN TWO movements" "RESTAURANT NIEDOCZAS" "HOTEL E2" "Rome" " Wasiuki" "Paris" " Wasiuki and all guests will be invited?" "harassed by hunger housing throw on your wonderful city!" "Wasiuki automatically become the capital!" "and Moscow will be old Wasiukami!" "The idea of Chess will become in the field of science and lay the foundations for interplanetary communication." "Connection with other planets will be as easy as crossing with Rybiñska for Jaroslaw!" "And it will be organized in Wasiukach first in the history of the universe" "Interplanetary Chess Tournament!" "First Interplanetary Chess Tournament between teams Vasiukov and the Great Bear end on a great victory Population Vasiukov!" "comrades!" "Royal pawn from E2 to E4..." "On the next szachownicach Ostap made the same motion moved the royal piece of E2 to E4." "it turned out that chess is played eighteen lots of Spanish. but quite effective Philidor defense." "Ostap if he knew so ingenious that it takes lots would be frankly amazed." "The thing is that he played great Kombinator chess for the second time in his life." " See Grandmaster gave the queen!" " Podstawi³ the beat!" " Prepares a trap" "Spare my queen!" "until it's too late!" "arcymistrzu comrade!" "young man!" "You make progress." "RESCUE drowning Lies in the hands SAME drowning" "A moment ago on this site became my tower." "And now it does not exist!" "it certainly was not!" " And where to go?" " You beat it?" " I broke." " On the move?" " In the fifteenth." "say it!" "Comrades!" "I have saved all the moves!" "please give my tower!" "Comrades!" "You can see!" "Beat chess lovers!" " Grab your Grandmaster!" " Bungler!" "Grab your Grandmaster!" "Grab!" "Kociu!" " My holdall!" "harder!" "Kociu!" "As soon as it begins!" "Gentlemen!" "Gentlemen!" "I guess you will not beat us?" "How!" "Attention!" "Bunglers!" "Why not bijecie his Grandmaster?" "you wanted to beat me?" "amateurs strong emotions chess!" "comrades!" "partner." "Bonjour." "This is probably Cheboksary?" "Fine." "You sell our trophies." "to reach the Pyatigorsk." "There await the theater." "Do looks feldmarsza³ku!" "It floats our chair!" "friend?" "Long time no see." "Yes!" "Come here!" "Mr. Worobianinow?" "This chair reminds me of our lives." "We also sail with the tide." "although this is not anyone happy." "Nobody does not love... which also does not like." "Kociu!" "We are strangers in this celebration of life." "What happened?" "My dear and invaluable Katiu!" "With each hour closer to to our happiness. and we drink liqueur." "And now to the point." "Baku city much exceeds Rostov." "Charkowowi but disappears." "It is said that there was mined oil." "A Bruns engineer in Baku I found no longer." "He moved to Batumi." "Journey from there to Batumi free Over fifteen rubles from kopiejkami." "Fedya." "Performances of the opera "Columbus" Only two days "Government Inspector" "For all the work will get you ten!" "Dear!" "Mr. excite me!" "I am a tired man mineral water." " How many do you want?" " Half a hundred!" "give... twenty." "OK?" "I see eyes that you are correct." "Consent is not a product any opposition parties." "let you learn!" "And when will chair?" "money!" "Money Morning" " At noon chairs." "Money at noon" " Chair the evening." "Money week" " Chairs at night." "Money at night - a chair in the morning." "Money Morning... and at noon the money?" "You can..." "But first the money!" "Money in the evening... but beware!" "Closer... fast!" "Tomorrow..." "Drama... goes.... the performances!" "what are you doing?" "My coat!" "I wear it to fifteen years and is still like new!" "immediately cease look like new!" " Why do not you give a hat!" " Hat does not give!" "Give you a hat!" "whether the French can say:" "six days I ate nothing." "Go ahead." "It will be so... no..." " Wait a minute..." "Immediately..." "It will be so..." "Kociu!" " And if you know German?" " Why do I need it?" "once you succeed to the city park" "German Russian and beg." "The total dredging will the fitter Miecznikowa." "Never!" "Never Worobianinow not stretched hand!" "old fool!" "How do you like the pimp? and now he is..." "the position of number three and declares that he never!" "comrade!" "One of two things:" "Or do you proceed immediately with to fulfill the obligations or automatically deleted from your from the list of shareholders." "I count to five!" "Yes or no?" " One..." " Yes." "Why do not you repeat the formula." "do not believe it!" "Pitifully!" "More music in her voice." "With a feeling!" "And now in German." "in Russian." "Well..." "Russian!" "Russian." "Something to offer to the board." "more seriously." "Do utoczy tear." "Anything to offer to the board.... former Member of the State Duma." "Brilliantly." "Kongenialnie." " You have a natural talent for begging." " Really?" " Of course!" "Why do not you go..." "and not return without the money." "Ladies and gentlemen!" "Give every grace for meals former Member of the State Duma." "Depression So-called "depression" included it was the peculiarities of Pyatigorsk." "It was also the only place where bather can enter for free." "Ostap decided to fix the reprehensible oversight." "Kupujcie tickets to enter the "landslides"!" "Entry ten kopecks!" "Children five kopecks!" "Kupujcie tickets!" "Children five kopecks!" "Members of unions ten kopecks!" "Please to the queue." "Do not belong to trade unions" " Thirty kopecks!" " How much tickets?" " Members of unions ten kopecks!" "But the militiamen could be treated as children - a five kopecks." "Please ten tickets." "And to what end is a charge?" "that is not too sank." "please visit. already sent... with decorations." "As what will be the third chair?" "Do early histeryzuje not." "You can carry 150 thousand?" "And can I?" "You can?" " Mine is like a heavier." " Please let me fetch it." " Please." "Prosecutor's Office in PIATIGORSKU" " Musik!" "Ready now is a dove?" " Do not Go back my head!" "ob¿artuchu!" "where I could Bruns find an engineer?" "I am an engineer Bruns." "What can I do?" "please stand up." " Do not get up." " Please stand up." " Do not get up." " Please stand up!" "Musik!" "will hope in you!" "What is it?" "I do not dare... not dare sit in the presence of such high ranking personalities." "talk to the citizen." "please does not fall on my knees." "Go³¹beczko!" "Mateñko!" "I am not yours mateñk¹!" "What do you mean?" "why should I you sell my chairs?" "Because it is my chair." "How are you?" "Musik... chit!" "you stole them? now lying on his deathbed in Voronezh." "but I fill the last will of his wife." "ventured to disturb you." "and will pay per set if you want!" " Even if... twenty rubles!" " 20 rubles for a beautiful drawing room set?" "Musik!" "It's crazy!" "madman!" "I'm not crazy I am only fulfilling the will of my wife." "began to crawl again!" "Musik!" "On again... again creeps!" "Please specify the price!" "Do not destroy the trees!" "Please specify the price!" "I think that it is not crazy." " Yes?" " Just tune illness of his wife." "He'll leave it up?" "See." "As soon as the head break down!" " And what will we sit?" " We'll buy the other." "For 20 rubles? but for sale for 250!" " I have had enough!" " It's crazy." "please step aside the palms at least three steps!" "please immediately get up!" "Thirdly... not cheap!" "only fulfill the will of a patient wife!" "you have problems with your lungs?" "But I am seeking not to me..." " Jacket sold for 30 kopecks." "Please take it for free!" "Enough of these jokes." "250 rubles and kopecks or less!" "Fifty!" "call Jerofieja Pa³ycza." "Let them moved out of that citizen." "You can ask for a moment?" "Bring forth!" "Fifty-five!" "I can not for profit..." "Seventy!" "Seventy-five!" "Eighty!" "Eighty-five!" "Ninety!" "Ninety-five!" "Hundred rubles!" "Sto." "One hundred and twenty five!" "Hundred and thirty-five!" "Hundred and forty-five!" "Hundred and fifty-five!" "and let you'll leave!" "I found the goods." "Send a telegram 230" "Sell what you want." "Fedya." "Fedya." "muzu³maninie!" "I'll show you!" "Please note:" "the wonderful views." "Delicious landscape." "The wonderful mountain air." "Was just five days away." "And before us 150 thousand zero zero kopeks." "let's stand." "By the end of the film was 17 minutes 20 seconds" "Give me the money... the money Come on!" "Give me the money... the money Come on!" "holiday deal!" "give money!" "I am talking to you!" "give money!" "Thirty kopecks!" "Successful premiere!" "caryco Tamaro!" "Petya" "Niura" "Wheels and Mika" "Please note marshal." "Wheels and Mika." "Maybe we are here uwiecznimy?" "Zapêdzimy Kolya and Mika in a corner." "Write "the crux of kocio were here." "Do Hold." "Where do you hide the treasure murdered of your mother?" "sinner!" "Contrition?" "A. .. competitor!" "Catch..." "let's grab it!" "He stole our sausage!" " Why do not you grab it!" " Stop!" "I tell you!" "fool!" "Everything you forgive!" "Take away the me!" "I will give the sausage!" "Take away!" " Mateñko!" " I am not for you any mateñk¹!" "I am Empress Tamara!" " God!" " In my carstwie please does not fall on your knees!" " I am not for profit..." " And only fill my wife will... i know!" " And how did you know?" " And now I know!" "neighbor." " O. .. fabryczka candles!" "eh?" "I'll call... a week!" "anio³kowie." "I just will fill the Tsarina Tamara." "People!" "Contrition in public!" "comrade." "Why Gluing poster theater "Columbus"?" " Performances ended prematurely." " Why?" "How?" "To meet the wishes workers shortened performances." "and you do not know where he went this damned theater?" "Why do I not know?" "I know." "He went to Yalta." "Yeah..." "let's go." "To Yalta?" "my poor friend." "you will not." "Damn it!" "Fortuna!" "Kupujcie Moscow magazine 'Joker'!" " So...." "We are now tracking the two months." " My God!" "we would expect..." "Thank you." "We will expect a trap." "We will have to fire." "I am glad that at the critical moment I meet dedicated fighter." "I hope that with your help I will save the father of Russian democracy." " Will give you a pistol..." " You do not need!" "I am ready to save the father of Russian democracy find financial assistance." " You are a loyal son of the fatherland!" " Thank you." "Can save 500 rubles giant thoughts." "And do not be 200 rubles save giant thoughts?" "I think that any fair here are not in place." "please." "watch us again!" "smile." "Sing louder!" "please pay the bill and discreetly be rejected." "Relevance of the sword and the ploughshare." "Alive we will not!" "Let's go!" "Please go away and not come back here more." "Please get away!" "Everything is in order." "Kocio." "Kocio." "Kocio!" "I'm here." "we did not find out." "Marshal!" "present and past." "what is it?" "What is it?" "on the street!" "Chair!" "Tnijmy!" "Quickly slit!" "You go to hell!" "You perish along with his chair!" "It's kinder to me my life!" "This was the first big shock earthquakes in the Crimea in 1927." "Earthquake stood through the Great Kombinatora." "You already have enough lifting." "Not give up!" "What is it?" "The Caine Mutiny?" " Why do not you give the chair!" " It's my chair!" "What!" "Hipolit Matwiejewiczu!" "My dear!" " Hipolit Matwiejewiczu!" " Found you!" "The thing is that... found." "Kociu!" "Let your devils!" "brilliantly brought to an end." " Antique adventure." " Where?" "Where is he?" " Where?" " Do you know the new railroad club?" " Yes." " Our chair is there." "The room designers." "third window from the corner. calmly and quietly get inside." "Third window from the corner... floor... tonight." "we can relax." "You can count on that money you already have in your pocket." "Tonight... what you paid?" "what?" "Stupid question!" "you do not have an ounce of imagination." "you do not give money." "Why would I spoil you?" "You will be my secretary." "insurance." "Do you like my suggestion?" "no." "Joke." "Will you eat the cream 'Margot'..." "Varnished insulating clothes to wear shirts." "Meeting continues." "Bender companion died." "yes." "is responsible for a surprise." "of which you spoke." "soldier. it was just any club." "and he bought the chair." "To attach a poster... a seat... rrraz..." "and collapsed." "It turned out that in this chair bourgeois hid valuables." "possible." " And now for those treasures built the new club." " A beautiful building." "50 rubelków." "I bought this suit." "let's go further." "I'll show you a gym." "Come on." "That's impossible." "That's impossible!" "Communism YOUTH TO THE WORLD!" "ILF I Petrov" "BUY TICKETS" "HAVE A TICKET FOR SALE!" "I think the gathering ended." "Thank you for your attention." "END"