"We almost have the same memory you and me" "In dim hotel rooms you meet girls every night." "You don't understand the world, you devour it, that's all." "The only solution is to live" "But to live is difficult." "You are looking for perfection, even if it makes no sense." "What you know gives you strength, but your vanity is enough to make you lose your way." "Everything in the world is like a mirror" "and your inner wounds are reflected in vacant eyes" "You try to set yourself free by debating yourself." "You never tell me about your true motivation." "My hopes and my wounds will be devoured." "Is it for me that I'm crying today?" "Or is it for your heart, whose purity I touched?" "The red hole... maybe it's you." "Get me out of there..." "I want to tell you the story of some girls." "She for whom sex is a weapon which she uses to kill man;" "she for whom the taste of saliva sperm and vomit intermix with the taste of life and provide solace;" "she who tries to live without feeling the wounds to her heart and body;" "she for whom working in a brothel remains incomprehensible;" "she for whom sex and her self mean nothing but money" "and who earns her living on believing that." "she who was violated by the man she loved;" "she that was raised like a domestic animal by a rich man;" "she who asks herself if it's dirty, dirty sexual mechanics" "bought by dirty men." "She who thinks "I want him!"" "and thinks only of that," "when she chooses a man;" "she who became dependent on her pimp and on masturbation;" "she who, preserving love, submits to sex, to man" "and to her vagina;" "she who knows she will die soon and feels desire for her lover;" "she who thinks of herself as dead ever since she was raped" "and hopes to take revenge through sex;" "she who received the sperm of fifty men" "and enjoyed it;" "she for whom watching herself fucking is the only act that makes her conscious of her life." "You, you call me Iku" "but my name is Rei." "What you will do with these images you've taken" "I never knew and still don't." "I know nothing about your intentions." "Your language and your ideas remain obscure." "There are difficult moments, when making love is merely a job," "with no emotions." "Then my body takes its pleasure" "but my heart remains cold." "There, for the first and the last time in my work, I made love" "with someone that I loved." "I'd like to be able to do it again but in my work it doesn't happen." "The done thing is not to show one's feelings, to make them manifest." "I feel guilty because I did that." "I showed what should have not been shown." "In my work, the act cannot exist outside an awareness of the distance that separates us." "This is known by those who sell their bodies." "You call me Iku, but my name is Izumi." "When you film me it's the camera that records;" "when the clients look at me it's their memory that records." "In the penumbra" "I slowly open my eyes," "I see the clients' faces." "I feel their gaze fixed on me." "The light becomes stronger." "I dance on the stage." "I feel exposed." "I slowly undress." "Their stares intensify" "and I plunge into a closed world." "I shut my eyes." "I caress my body and when I open them again" "a light in the dark separates me from reality." "The world becomes more beautiful." "I don't realize which was the moment when my conscience started to slip." "In this state of mind, a part of me which I usually keep hidden, comes out." "When there is the same mood on the stage as in the room" "I feel pleasure and I dance as if in a dream." "Some focus on my body, others on the stage." "The stares come from everywhere, to every part of my body." "Most of my clients are real pigs." "I never go over to them." "When they get close with no warning I push them away." "Everyone has their own way of watching." "It's not a look of desire that you have for me." "It's different to the clients'." "When I was lying down and you were taping me" "I lost my awareness," "like I was asleep, like I was floating." "That's all I can remember" "I was absorbed by you." "I let you see this." "Even if you only look at my body," "I try to give you this moment of satisfaction." "You, you call me Iku, but my name is Kana." "You like forbidden pleasures" "and I like to do what's forbidden." "It excites me and I take pleasure in it." "I think I'm greedy." "You are susceptible to pleasure." "You hide it but you, too, are greedy." "Threesomes are the most exciting, but also the emptiest." "I live with two faces." "I need them both." "I have difficulties in choosing which I am." "At night, I satisfy my desire." "My naked truth is disorder." "I want the power." "But I also like frailty." "I want to preserve my fragile side." "Inside there's darkness." "Sex satisfies the heart and the feelings, not the body." "Masturbation satisfies me." "In masturbation there's no love." "There's love in sex." "I want love when it satisfies all my desires." "The act itself is empty." "The body and the heart exhaust each other." "Women can also be empty." "After they've come, they are satisfied and their desire is gone." "Extreme love is born of secrets." "You call me" "Iku," "but my name is Kei." "Woman is both source of life" "and deep wound." "To this deep hole and this deep wound" "men approach, looking for death." "You're one of them." "You, if you approach me looking for death," "please, don't touch me." "Life and death are given to us." "You don't have to look for them." "Women lie sometimes in-between" "consciousness and unconsciousness, past and future," "this world and the one beyond." "Since you know that, when I tell you I can be" "a mirror for you, or a window," "can you ignore what I say?" "A mirror" "reflects the state of things," "encloses and seals the moment." "A window is an opening to a different world." "It makes air flow around you, and agitates it." "You won't be able to ignore completely the women who, like me, remain in-between the two." "You have a look, undesirable and intense, like a dagger." "Love and hate are purified by women's acts," "but the particular offering of love is always dirty." "The forbidden look and the sacred one, the separation and the purification repeat themselves." "I couldn't be with you if I didn't protect myself." "The beauty that has fallen into the human world is entrapped by embodiment and desire." "The light disperses and becomes again sky blue." "Women are a refuge for life, pure and transparent." "You shed tears but do you know where they come from?" "Tears are an ephemeral shelter." "Things immemorial, such as joy and bitterness," "pass through you." "You say you are alone." "You approach the other sex and death." "You run towards death" "but the tears you shed are not yours alone." "This is what I believe." "As for me, to live" "I have to stand up." "You, you are afraid of death and of darkness, but you come closer to them." "The suffering and the beauty of being naked have to be sublimated." "But I think that what you're trying to do is to enlarge the woman's wound, which you approach desperately, seeking extinction." "I can't let it go without saying anything." "You, you call me Iku but my name is Sayo." "You watch me, You don't understand me." "You say you don't see what's inside me." "It's just that I don't do anything to explain myself" "You're interested in me because we have things in common." "I find pleasure outside ordinary sex." "I play on my own, for my own pleasure." "It has no special meaning." "I'm not trying to attract attention." "When others observe me, I don't care whether they understand me or not, or what they think of me." "I don't seek to share my suffering," "I don't want to be understood." "I act without emotion." "You find this strange." "It's what sets us apart." "You need to express yourself and you act." "I dream of a place without sex," "That's all I dream of." "The body I long for is not neutered," "but asexual." "I seek neither love, nor sex, neither pleasure, nor relief." "What turns me on and makes me react is tension." "I don't want to be a woman, an object of desire." "I don't have feelings for anyone." "If the pleasure" "is only a matter of sex, then it's not enough for me." "Being alone with myself living in the moment, is all I want." "I can't stand sorrow." "It's not a life or death matter." "I do what I do because" "I want to enjoy the moment." "I don't think about death." "I don't look for it either." "Not being a woman, ignoring men, this is my way of being." "To gain an understanding of what is hidden," "I have to make an effort." "The essential is that which is not shown." "Iku is the name you gave me." "But my name is Saki." "You want more reality and you get inside me." "Like a shadow," "I try to become a part of you." "This is what I've done." "It is there, where I see no promises, that I see strength." "Do you want to go on, lost, or would you prefer to end it here?" "What you're looking for is here, in the red." "You have been constructed by mirrors and shadows." "I remember one night, you told me" "that everything is an irony." "Even when you're inside me you aren't satisfied." "You swim towards the interior of my being." "You can't run away." "I don't know me." "You can't know me." "My mystery" "constructs you." "I'm lost." "Where am I really?" "Close to you, close to me?" "I advance alone without noticing" "that the person I've constructed advances alongside." "I would like to retrace my steps but there isn't time" "to do so." "I sense your presence, but my thoughts are directed towards the exterior light." "I want to be there and yet I refuse to go." "I plunge into my instinct..." "I don't want anything else." "And you, what do you want?" "I'll give you whatever you want." "Don't leave me alone." "I have fallen into an abyss." "You enter me, to the depths of me." "The more you go in the more you lose yourself." "I'm a gaping hole," "a red hole." "Don't erase me." "Don't leave me." "I'm in pain." "I come." "What should I do," "come into being or erase myself?" "Why am I a woman?" "Don't go." "You're still there." "Where am I?" "Inside you?" "What have you seen?" "You, you call me Iku" "but my name is Nao." "What I remember is that your body" "was heavy... and that, later on" "you took care of me." "My organic liquid is like a red, dirty," "lukewarm jelly." "A fly buzzes in my uterus." "There's a dull ache in my lower abdomen." "My body spits out dark blood," "my brain slightly bleached." "Inside this core the insect drones." "When I crush it, nothing changes." "The noise heard down there, the sensation experienced," "the pain felt, the bitterness in the throat, and the defiled body;" "they often return in flashbacks." "You walk in the forest at night." "A strong man grabs you." "He's armed and you cannot move." "He forcibly inserts his truncheon, 408 00:50:11,335 -- 00:50:12,820 his penis." "Imagine that he tears your body, that your insides boil." "The burning rod penetrates your body." "You want to scream, but the pain is too strong." "My uterus doesn't bleed anymore, my shoulders are freed, the man is gone." "I no longer hear his breathing." "Pain blurs everything." "The bitterness in my throat, after sucking him..." "It's not just in my head." "My body wants to be swallowed." "I'm afraid." "I'm afraid," "I don't want anyone." "Why is that?" "I don't know how to get better." "Even when I'm in love, I'm afraid of making love." "I'm afraid of everything" "It's stupid how they find pleasure inside me, because I hate men." "But they're all I love, too." "What can I do to forget?" "I had ordinary sex for the first time in my life" "with you." "Ordinary as it was, it's strange" "I didn't feel disgusted." "I don't know why, but ever since that moment" "I have felt relieved." "You, do you lose your equilibrium in painful solitude" "to a point of no return?" "Me, I allow everything." "I take the risk of not being able to return." "It's a physical suicide." "You, you get closer to a mental suicide." "You cry from time to time" "without shedding tears." "You cling to me" "but that doesn't change this repugnant vision:" "you, who are disgusting, and me, whose flesh is disgusting." "You don't know what girls truly look at." "I wanted to know this so I became them." "I have no regrets but it was not a good experience" "If I had done nothing but watch" "I wouldn't feel so bad, but I went to the other side" "and I don't know what to do anymore." "Because I'm a woman" "I could look closely ..." "touch ... but not being a woman would have been better." "I don't know what you're looking for." "Maybe it's not worth knowing." "But, to be able to change things, one has to know." "Help me to be born again." "I can't stand up." "I need your help." "I don't like men." "I destroy myself until the very end, and then I ask men for help." "The most important thing for me" "is the core of my own being." "The most important thing for you I don't know what that is." "The same thing, surely." "Not knowing is disquieting, so I start being afraid and that makes us closer." "You have met many girls." "I don't know what you have discovered." "Maybe you don't know, either." "I don't know what the future holds." "Until then I was angry." "I laughed, I cried," "I finally made a choice." "Why does it keep spinning round my head?" "For every possible answer," "I have ten others that come to mind." "Nothing is repaired." "When I say this, there is a noise in my head," "It would be nice to do better than that, to work my guts out, and fix it all." "I used to want to disappear" "Now I don't." "I miss you." "I feel like I'm fading away." "Each day I die a little more." "Subtitles:" "Fr  En translation by KarinKarinovna Timing by corvusalbus"