"Copyright from SI Media" "My name Borat." "I like yöu." "I like sex." "It's nice." "This my country of Kazakhstan." "It locate between Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan" "KAZAKHSTAN TAJIKISTAN" "KAZAKHSTAN" "KAZAKHSTAN KYRGYZSTAN and assholes Uzbekistan." "KAZAKHSTAN" "KAZAKHSTAN UZBEKISTAN" "This my town of Kuzcek." "This Urkin, the town rapist." "Naughty, naughty." "Over here, our town kindergarten." "And here live Mukhtar Sakanov, town mechanic and abortionist." "This my house." "Entry, please." "He is my neighbor, Nursultan Tulyakbay." "He is pain in my assholes." "I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass." "I get a step, he must get a step." "I get a clock radio, he cannot afford." "Great success." "This is Natalya." "She is my sister." "She is number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan." "Nice." "This is my mother." "She oldest woman in whole of Kuzcek." "She is 43." "I love her." "And this my wife, Oxana." "She's boring." "What yöu say about me, yöu skinny piece of shit?" "Not now, please." "Why don't yöu do something useful and dig yöur mother a grave." "Come in here, please." "Ignore." "And this is where I lives." "My bed." "This is a VCR recorder." "And this play cassettes." "Now I show yöu outside from my houses." "My hobbies, Ping-Pong," "sunbathe," "disco dance," "and on weekends, I travel to capital city and watch ladies while they make toilet." "My profession, work as a television reporter for Kazakhstan." "Please, yöu see." "THE RUNNING OF THE JEW 2004" "Here comes the Jew." "It's a big one this year." "Whoaaa..." "He nearly got the money there." "Wait, here comes Mrs. Jew." "She's stopped." "Is she?" "Is she?" "Here it comes." "She's laid a Jew egg." "Go kids!" "Crush that Jew chick before he hatches!" "Although Kazakhstan glorious country, it have problem too." "Economic, social and Jew." "This why Ministry of Information have decide to send me to U.S. and A, greatest country in the world, to learn lessons for Kazakhstan." "I will travel with most venerable producer, Azamat Bagatov." "Azamat." "No, not film me!" "Film him." "Urkin, not too much raping..." "Humans only." "Doltan, I'll get yöu a new arm in America." "I go to America!" "America!" "Wave goodbye to yöur clock radio, asshole!" "If yöu cheat on me, I will come over there and snap off yöur cock." "JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT New York City I arrived in America's airport with clothings, U.S. dollars and a jar of Gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS." "Stand clear of the closing doors, please." "Hello, my name Borat." "I not American." "I new in town." "Nice to meet yöu." "Hello, nice meet yöu." "Hey, what yöur name?" "My name is mind yöur own fucking business." "Stand clear of the closing doors, please." "Oh, hello." "Nice meet yöu." "My name Borat." " What's happening?" " Nice meet yöu." "Get the fuck out of here before I break yöur jaw, bro." " Yo, step the fuck off, bro." " Okay." "Okay." " yöu're fucking with the wrong one, man." " Okay." "Sorry." "Oh, shit." "Okay, okay, wait." "I get it." "Please, relax." "I'll get him!" "Careful, he bite." " Hey, man, what are yöu doing?" " Okay, relax." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay, okay, relax." "Okay." "Okay, wait." "Okay, no problem." "Sorry." "Welcome to the Wellington Hotel." "Do yöu want to pay for the entire stay now?" "GUY BORGES Manager, Wellington Hotel" " I pay for one night." "How much?" " Fine." "One night is $117.13." "We'll call it 85." "No, we can call it 117." "Let me get the door for yöu." "Come on in." "Very nice." "Very nice room." "We're not in the room yet, sir." "Hold on." "yöu might want to repack." "We're gonna be moving again shortly." "I will not move to a smaller room." "Sir, this is yöur floor." "I'm gonna take yöu to yöur room." " This is not my room?" " This is the elevator." "It takes yöu to the floor where yöur room is." "Nice." "Nice." "King in the castle." "King in the castle." "I have a chair." "I have a chair." "Oh, go do this." "Go do this." "King in the castle." "Hello, nice meet yöu." "My name Borat." "I am new in town." " Get away from me." " I just..." "I kiss yöu, say hello." "It arrive." "Hello, my name Borat." "I am new in town." " I say hello and I..." " Do not touch me." " Do not get near my face." " I kiss yöu." "Yeah, yöu kiss me, I'll pop yöu in the fucking balls." "What mean, "Balls"?" "Very nice." "Very nice." "How much?" "Hello, nice meet yöu." "My name Borat." "Get away!" "What are yöu doing?" "Wait, I want to say hello." "What is the problem?" "This has been most happiest day of my lifes." "I was very excite to start my reportings." "America is known for its sense of humor." "UN survey say Kazakhstan have 98th lowest humor." "We must improve." "Hurry, hurry." "Just dry him, no hand relief." "How is my back pussy?" "Not bad." "Moist." "So what time this interview?" "Soon, my friend." "Gently." "Enough!" " Hello." "My name's Pat Haggerty." " Hello." "PAT HAGGERTY Humor Coach" " Nice meet yöu." "Borat." " Nice to meet yöu." "Should I make a joke about my mother-in-law?" "Yes." "In America, that's a very popular joke." " Do yöu have a mother-in-law joke?" " Yes." "I had sexy-time with my mother-in-law." " A what time?" " Sexy-time." "I made sexy-time with my mother-in-law." " yöu had sex with yöur mother-in-law?" " Yes." "I don't think that Americans would find that funny." " No, it is not a joke." " Yeah." "We're talking about humor." "Yes, yöu asked me about my mother-in-law." "Do yöu have a joke about her?" "No, why make a joke on a mother-in-law?" "Do yöu ever laugh on people with a retardation?" "Here in America we try not to make fun of or be funny with things that people don't choose." "But perhaps yöu have not seen someone with a very funny retardation." "My brother, Bilo, have a very funny retardation." "Mental retardation causes a lot of pain and hardship for a lot of families." "Sometime my sister, she show her vagina to my brother, Bilo, and say," ""yöu will never get this!" "yöu will never get this!"" "He behind his cage, crazy, crazy." "Everybody laugh." "She go, "yöu never get this!"" "But one time, he break cage and he get this." "And then we all laugh." "High five!" "Now..." "No, that would not be funny in America, okay?" "What is "not" jokes?" "A "not" joke is when we're trying to make fun of something and what we do is we make a statement that we pretend is true but, at the end, we say, "Not," which means it's not true." "So teach me how to make one." " All right, what color is yöur suit?" " This suit is gray." "Gray, I would call it blue, okay?" " It's gray." " All right, it's blue-gray." "But it's certainly not black, right?" " Let's say it's gray, but..." " It is gray." "Okay, so a "not" joke, I would say" ""That suit is black." "Not!"" "This suit is not black." " No, no, "Not" has to be the end." " Oh, okay." "This suit is black not." "This suit is black, pause..." "yöu know what a pause is?" " Yes." " This suit is black." "Not!" "This suit is black." "Pause." "Not." "No, yöu don't say "pause."" "This suit is black." "That's a pause." "Not!" "This suit is black." "Okay..." " I don't..." "I'm not..." " Not!" "Everybody say U.S.A. television much better but this I watch for three hours, do not change." "There's a remote control here." "Push these two arrows to change the channel." "I got him, I got him, I got him!" "I have the urge to bury something else." "Yes!" " I love yöu." " I love yöu too, Jamie." "I love yöu." " Do yöu believe in magic, Miss..." " Parker, C.J." "It's a pleasure to meet yöu, C.J." "Be careful!" "Be careful, C.J.!" "This C.J. was like no Kazakh woman I had ever seen." "She had golden hairs, teeth as white as pearls and the asshole of a 7-year-old." "For the first time in my lifes, I was in love." "Get up!" "Get up!" "Why aren't yöu ready!" "We have people to interview today." "I understand." "Learn what yöu can from this women's group." " My hair?" " It's beautiful." "Don't worry." "In Kazakhstan it is illegal for more than five woman to be in the same place except for in brothel or in grave." "In the U.S. and A., many womens meet in groups called Feminists." "I find more." "VETERAN FEMINISTS OF AMERICA" "So, what means this feminism?" "It's the theory that women should be equal to men in matters economic, social..." " Now yöu are laughing." " Yes." "Well, that is the problem." "Do yöu think a woman should be educate?" "Definitely." "But is it not a problem that a woman have a smaller brain than a man?" "That is wrong." "But the government scientist, Dr. Yamak, prove it's the size of squirrel." "yöur government's scientist?" " Yes, Dr. Yamak." " He's wrong." "He's wrong." "Give me a smile, baby." "Why angry face?" "Well, what yöu're saying is very demeaning." " Do yöu know the word "demeaning"?" " No." "We are saying to yöu... I could not concentrate on what this old man was saying." "All I could think about was this lovely woman in her red water-panties." "Who was this C.J.?" "Last night I see in my hotel room a woman called C.J. on the television." " Do yöu know her?" " No." "She from a town called Baywatches." " She's just on television." " Her name is Pamela." " Do she live here in New York City?" " She lives in California." " In the California." " He's gonna look her up." "Okay, can we finish now?" "Listen, pussycat, smile a bit." " All right." "That's it." "I'm done." " We're finished." "We have to leave." "Although I was obsessed by this C.J., I could not pursue her or else my wife would snap off my cock." "Mr. Sagdiyev?" " Yes?" " I have a telegram for yöu." " yöu can read?" " Yes, I can." ""Dear Borat Sagdiyev," ""yöur wife, Oxna," ""was walking yöur retarded Bilo in the woods" ""when a bear attacked and violated and break her." ""She is now dead."" "yöu say my wife is dead?" "This is what it's..." "Yes, sir." "I'm sorry to inform yöu, but that's what the telegram says." "High five!" "Great!" "What do yöu mean, California?" "I have arranged all our filming for New York." "But we need to leave New York to find the real America:" "rodeos, cowboys..." "It will be better for our documentary." "But why California?" "What's there?" "Pearl Harbor is there..." "And so is Texas." "Eventually, I persuade Azamat that we would travel to California and make our reportings along the way." "He insists we not fly in case the Jews repeated their attack of 9/11." "Okay, I'll find another way for us to get there." "My name is Mike." "I'm gonna be yöur driving instructor." "MICHAEL PSENICSKA Perry Hall Driving School" "Welcome to our country, okay." " My name Borat." " Okay, okay." "Good, good." "Well, I'm not used to that, but that's fine." "Now, yöu do know how to drive a little bit?" " Yes." " Yes." "Put it in D." " What?" " Drive." "Now, wait a second." "Wait a second." " Have yöu driven a car before?" " Yes, many times." "All right, let's go this way." "I don't want yöu hitting anybody." "Use two hands, now." " What?" " Two hands." "But then it look like I am holding a Gypsy while he eat my chram." "I don't care." "yöu use two hands when yöu drive, okay?" "Okay." " Okay." " Watch the children." "Okay, no problem." "yöu must not hit the children." "Look, there is a woman in a car." "Can we follow her?" " And maybe make sexy-time with her?" " No, no, no." " Let's get her." "Why not?" " No, no, no." "Because a woman has a right to choose who she has sex with." " What?" "yöu joke?" " How about that?" "Isn't that amazing?" "There must be consent." "How about that?" "That's good, huh?" " Is not good for me." " It is good." " Steer the car." " Okay." " yöu want have a drink?" " yöu can't drink that." " Why not?" "What?" " It's against the law." "Who is this car that follow us?" "I wish it didn't follow us." " I don't know." " Maybe we'll lose them." "No, we better not lose them." "Hey, don't look at me." "Eat my tits!" "We'll make a right turn up here." "Don't look at me like that." "I will eat yöur shit." " Hey, yöu fuck my mother!" " Hey, hey." " No, he do before." "He look on me." " yöu can't do that." "They're gonna throw us in jail, me with yöu." "Why in a jail?" "He look on me." " Behind." " yöu can't say that." "I like yöu, do yöu like me?" " I do like yöu." " yöu are my friend?" "yöu're nice and I am yöur friend." "yöu will be my boyfriend?" " I won't be yöur boyfriend." " Why not?" "yöu do not like me?" "I could be." "It depends." "Well, boyfriend, yeah, I can." "Great success." "Now time to make purchase of motorcars." "I want to have a car that attract a woman with a shave down below." "Well, that would be a Corvette or a Hummer." "JIM SELL GM Salesman" "We will try to help yöu out here." "A man yesterday tell me if I buy a car" "I must buy one with a pussy magnet." "He means a car that women will like." "Yes, but where yöu keep this magnet?" "No, there's no magnet." "That was just..." "He means the vehicle." "Women love the Hummers." " Do this have a pussy magnet?" " No." "The vehicle itself will be a magnet." "If I give yöu good price, will yöu please put in pussy magnet?" "Yeah, but there's no such thing in this country as a magnet." "If this car drive into a group of Gypsy, will there be any damage to the car?" " It depends on how hard yöu hit them." " Hard." "Yeah, hard. yöu might, if somebody rolls on the windshield, crack yöur windshield." "How fast do I need to go to guarantee I kill him?" "Let me tell yöu something, with this vehicle, probably doing 35," " 40 miles an hour would do it." " Great." "When I buy my wife, at the start, she was cook good, her vagina work well and she strong on plow." "But after three years, when she was 15, then she become weak, her voice become deep, "Borat, Borat."" "She receive hair on chest and her vagina hang like sleeve of wizard." "Huh." "Jeez." "How do I know that this will not happen with a car?" "Chevrolet guarantees that with a warranty." "I like very much buy this Hummers." " How much is it?" " 52,000." "I am looking for something between $600 to $650." "We don't have any cars for 650 that yöu can buy." "I might be able to sell yöu a wholesale car." "A car with a lot of miles for 700 with no warranty." " Okay." " Come on." "California, I coming!" "First stops on our journey was Washington, D.C., home of mighty U.S. warlord, Premier Bush." "Look who has an embassy here!" "Uzbekistan." "Fuck yöu, motherfuckers!" "We arrive here to learn from American politic." "Azamat arrange interview with Party official from ruling regime." "BOB BARR Former Georgia Congressman" " We are good friend, Bob Barr, yes?" " I hope so." "It is a custom have cheese at the start." "Thank yöu." "My wife, she make this cheese." "Very nice." "She make it from milk from her tit." "After interview, I encounters traditional American street festival." "GAY PRIDE PARADE" "People here were much more friendly than in New York." "Next morning, I interview politician who is a genuine chocolate-face." "No makeup." "ALAN KEYES 2-time Republican Presidential Candidate" "On Sunday, I arrive in Washington." "There was a parade." "I make two friends from this parade." "I invite them back my hotel room." "We drink like normal in Kazakhstan." "We wrestle like normal in Kazakhstan." "Then they say, "I wash yöu in a shower," and he wash me in a shower." "It sounds like yöu met somebody who is from what is called in America, the gay community." " What it mean, "Gay," this word?" " Homosexual." "A homosexual?" "yöu mean..." "Are yöu telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual?" "Even though my anus was broken" "I knew that rest of our journey would be great success." "We left Washington and continued towards California." "Howdy, partners!" "Yes, minister, we're on schedule." "Yes, I'm standing in the middle of Times Square." "It's time to prepare for yöur TV appearance." "Remember to talk of singing national anthem at rodeo." "Don't worry, I am a TV professional." "Now, building our station around yöu." "This is 16 WAPT News This Morning, named best newscast in the state by the Associated Press." "This morning we have a special guest here in the studio." "This is Borhat Sagadiyev." "He is traveling across America to get the taste of life here in the United States." "He spent the last few days here." " Good morning to yöu." " Hello, my name Borat." "Hello." "Hello." "Thank yöu." "Before we start, can yöu tell me, because I want make urines, then I come back here and..." "If yöu tell me one minute before we start..." "We started." "We are actually live on the air right now." " I am very excite." " Yes." "Hello, U.S. and A.!" "Hello, U.S. and A.!" "I'm very excite!" "I'm very excite to be here." "And hello!" "Hello to yöu as well." "Now, real quickly, why are yöu here in the United States?" "Because I want to learn from U.S. and A, yöur culture, and to understand from how a thing happen and to take this lesson back to my country." " All right." "Would yöu like to have a seat?" " Yes." "Please sit, please sit, please sit." "Now, one of the things that yöu've enjoyed so much about..." "Can I have a microphone so people can hear me?" "They can hear yöu right now." "yöu are miked up." "This right here, that's the microphone." "Hello." "Hello, nice meet yöu." "Well, welcome to the United States." "Thank yöu very much for coming on." "When yöu come to Kazakhstan," " yöu can stay in my house." " Well, thank yöu so much." "yöu can sleep my house and yöu can use my sister." "Meteorologist Ken Johnson will have the latest on tropical storm Emily when we return." "Ten seconds, stand by." "This is 16 WAPT News This Morning." "Traffic is flowing along smoothly along Interstate 55." "Dry conditions." "If yöu're heading to the north, not too far away from Attala County, there's some showers there." "Check that out on the radar this morning and..." "Thank yöu, very nice for have me." "What yöur name?" "We're on air right now doing the weather." " What yöur name?" " We're doing the weather right now." "Go over here with Adrian." "She's calling yöu to go over here." " It is a she?" " Yes." " Very nice." " Yeah, go." "Go..." " Go over here with..." " What is yöur name?" "I'm the weather guy." "Okay..." "Let's go over to the weather." "yöu can see the radar, right now showing some showers and storms up to the north..." "Okay." "All right, let me..." "Nice to meet yöu." "Showers and storms north of Yazoo City up towards Kosciusko..." "Thank yöu, bye-bye." "yöu're singing at a rodeo tonight!" "Why didn't yöu mention it?" "What can I do, they are not professional." "Get a move on, we have 100 miles to go." "We welcome yöu to the 38th annual" "Kroger Valleydale Championship Rodeo." "Of course, every picture that we get back" "BOBBY ROWE General Manager, Imperial Rodeo from the terrorists or anything else, the Muslims, they look like yöu," " black hair and a black mustache." " Yes." "Shave that dadgummed mustache off so yöu're not so conspicuous." "So yöu look like maybe an Italian or something as far as when people looking at yöu." "I see a lot of people and I think, "There's a dadgummed Muslim." ""I wonder what kind of bomb he's got strapped to him."" " Yes." " And yöu probably aren't a Muslim." " Maybe that's not yöur religion." " No, I am a Kazakh." "I follow the hawk." "But yöu look like one of them." "This thing gets over with and when we win it and kick the butts over there and all of them son-of-a-bucks hanging from the gallows, by that time, yöu will have proven yöurself and yöu'll be accepted." " Take care." " Thank yöu." " I ain't gonna kiss yöu." " Why not?" "The people that do the kissing are the ones that float around like that." " Are they all..." " Yeah." "Stay away from them that kiss." " Okay." " yöu don't want nobody kissing." "In my country they take them to jail and finish them." " Take them and hang them." " Yes." " That's what we're trying to get done." " High five." "Ladies and gentlemen of Salem, Virginia, would yöu please give a warm, American welcome to a gentleman who has come all the way from Kazakhstan and we are honored to have singing our national anthem." "Ladies and gentlemen, Borat Sagdiyev." "My name Borat." "I come from Kazakhstan." "Can I say first, we support yöur war of terror." "May we show our support to our boys in Iraq." "May U.S. and A. kill every single terrorist." "May yöur George Bush drink the blood of every single man, woman and child of Iraq." "Yeah!" "May yöu destroy their country so that for the next thousand years not even a single lizard will survive in their desert." "To show our friendship," "I now will sing our Kazakh national anthem to the tune of yöur national anthem." "Please stand." "Kazakhstan is the greatest" "Country in the world" "All other countries" "Are run by little girls" "Kazakhstan is number one" "Exporter of potassium" "Other Central Asian countries" "Have inferior potassium" "Kazakhstan is the greatest" "Country in the world" "All other countries" "Is the home of the gays" "We nearly died last night." "This journey is cursed." "We should have stayed in New York." "I was sad." "The rodeo peoples did not like me." "What if Pamela did not like me too?" "We needed something to change our fortunes." "Look, Azamat, a Gypsy village." "Let us extract some of their tears so we can remove the curse." "Do not fear me, Gypsy, all I want from yöu is yöur tears." "Please give them to me or I will take them." "I'm not a Gypsy." "I'm a Midwestern farmer's daughter." "Americana." "yöu have many treasures." "Who did yöu rob for this?" "We didn't rob them." "They came from the house." "I will look in yöur treasures, Gypsy." "Is this understood?" "I will look on them." "Please do." "Who is this lady yöu have shrunk?" "Was she the owner of this house that yöu camp in front of?" "There's a couple more child's dolls." "Do not try and shrink me, Gypsy." "I serious." " These are yöur spells?" " No." "There's a good one, The Millionaire Mindset." "There yöu go." " Baywatch." " Baywatch?" "It means she love me." "Azamat!" "Azamat, great success!" "I've got the tears." "Onwards to California!" "Let's go." "What's that yöu've got there?" "It's nothing." "Don't worry about it." "Are we going the right way?" " I don't know, this map is from 1917." " Where the hell are we?" "Hey, stop that goddamn van!" "Hey, baby, want to go out?" "Wanna go out, honey?" "I'm going to stop and ask." "No, no, no, keep going." "Keep going." "I need the direction to California, please." " To California?" " yöu a long way from home." "Who yöu with, man?" "Who yöu with, who yöu with?" "I travel with my friend, Azamat Bagatov." "We travel across the country." "yöu can't be talking all that." "yöu gotta be talking English right here." "yöu look like Michael Jackson, Beat lt." "Man, yöu better..." "I like yöu peoples." "Can yöu teach me how to dress?" "How can I be like yöu?" "yöu need to let them jeans down." "Pull them down?" "Don't pull them down like..." " Like a ho?" " No, no, no." " Like a this?" " Yeah." "But don't show yöur Huggies though, man." "What the hell?" "Is that fishnet?" "No, no, no, these are my antipants." " What kind of music yöu listen to?" " I like very much Corky Bucek." "yöu know Corky Bucek?" "No, no, no." "yöu got to lick it before yöu stick it." "Can yöu teach me speak like yöu?" "What yöu trying to say?" " How yöu say, "How do yöu do?"" " What's up with it?" " What's that with it?" " Yeah." "Pull over and let's see if we can stay here." "What's up with it, vanilla-face?" "Me and my homey, Azamat, just parked our slab outside." "Please." "We are looking for somewhere to post up our black asses for the night." "So bang-bang, skeet-skeet, nigga." "We just a couple of pimps, no ho's." " Sir, yöu gotta leave." " Okay." "Leave now or we're gonna call the cops and we'll have yöu taken out." "We can't stay here, they are player haters." " Hi." "Hello." " yöu have a room for tonight?" "Oh, yes." "Yes, definitely." " Come on in." " Great." "yöur friend also." "A beautiful house, this." "All the paintings in the house, I did." "What is this man?" "This is a Yemenite Jew and he's working on a piece of jewelry." "They, Yemenites, were also jewelers." "Why yöu have a picture of a Jew?" "Because I'm Jewish, so I have lots of pictures of Jews." "This is the room and..." " Do yöu need two pillows?" " Yes." "Great." "Thank yöu." "Lovely place." " They're Jews." " I know that now." "They'll kill us." "We need to escape." " Wait, wait." " Okay." "Hello." " How are yöu?" " Great." "yöu guys getting settled in?" "This is a special sandwich for yöu." "I not so hungry." "He can eat this." "He fat." "No, no." " yöu gonna eat, because..." " Take a half." " Take a half and then yöu'll see." " Take a half." "Yeah." "I not so hungry." "yöu eat a little bit." "Go ahead and eat something because yöu're hungry." "Yes." "I don't want to see yöu go hungry." "What is this picture over here?" "Okay..." "It is 3:00 in the morning." "I am in a nest of Jews." "They have cleverly shifted their shapes." "One of them has taken the form of a little old woman." "yöu can barely see her horns." "She have tried to poison me already." "These rats are very clever." "Look, the Jews have shifted their shapes." "OK, OK." "How much shall I give them?" "I don't know..." "More." "Give them more." "Go." "Go." "Let's go back to New York, at least there's no Jews there." "Calm down." "We'll keep heading to California." "Why California?" "What's so special about California?" "We are going to California!" "And get killed on the way?" "Relax, Azamat!" "I will get us protection." "What is the best gun to defend from a Jew?" "I would recommend either a 9 millimeter or a .45." "Very nice." "It like I movie star, Dirty Harold." " Yes, sir." " Come on and make my day, Jew." "But he would not sell me gun since I not American." "So I look for other protection." "MUNCH RANCH Exotic Animal Dealer" " What type of dog is this?" " This is a tortoise." "Is this a cat in a hat?" "No, it's a tortoise in a shell." "Yes." "I need animal for protection." "What yöu have for me?" "We're safe." "Now we continue to California." "High five!" "Great!" "Nice." "Switch it off." "It so annoying!" "Happy times." "We were safe and well on our way to Pamela." "It was time to get back to work." "Kazakhstan needs to learn about American fine dining." "First, a lady will teach yöu southern manners." "How long have I got?" "An hour." "Then yöu have dinner date with high society." "Hello and nice meet yöu." "Hello, it's so nice to meet yöu." "Welcome to America." "KATHIE B. MARTIN Etiquette Coach" "Will yöu please teach me how to dine like gentleman?" "Of course, I'll be happy to." "Is it polite to greet people when I make entry?" "THE MAGNOLIA MANSION Dining Society" "Yes, it is." " Let me introduce yöu around." " Yes." " yöu're gonna have to..." " I'm Mike." "Mike Jared." "Hello, I'm Bethany Weston." " Lovely to see yöu." " Nice." " How yöu do?" " How do yöu do?" "My name's Ben." "Should I pay interest in peoples around the table-sides?" "Yes." "And, if it is a big table, a very long table, yöu might want to restrict yöur conversation..." " Yes." " ...to people right in yöur vicinity." " Very nice." " So yöu are not yelling." "What do yöu do?" " I'm the pastor of a church." " Yes." " What do yöu do?" " I have spent years in construction." "I'm recently retired." " yöu are retard?" " Yes." "Physical or mental?" " Retired." " No, no, not retarded." " I don't work anymore." " Stopped working." "It's very good yöu allow retard to eat with yöu in the same place." "That's not what we're saying about this man." "He is not what yöu would refer to as retard." " No." " No, no." "Not at all." "Do yöu have a telephone in this village?" "Of course." "Should I show photos of my family?" "yöu have photos of yöur family?" "Wonderful." "This my favorite son, Huey Lewis." " Okay." " Yes." " He looks happy." " Yes." "He very strong." " My goodness, is that him holding yöu?" " Yes." "Very strong." "He grow three centimeter." "He now 17 centimeter long." "I'm not sure I would show these photos of him without clothes on." "Should I pay compliments to the peoples?" "Yes, but only if yöu truly agree with that compliment." "yöu have a very gentle face" " and a very erotic physique." " Thank yöu." " yöu're correct." " Yes." "That's a very good observation." "She is yöur wife?" "Nope." "That's my wife." "In my country, they would go crazy for these two." "Not so much." "What should I say if I need to go to the shit hole?" "yöu mean to the restroom?" " To the place to make the shit." " The bathroom?" "Okay." "What yöu..." "Not to bath." "To make dirt from anus." " Not a bath, right." "The toilet." " The brown..." " Where yöu make... yöu understand?" " Yes." "Yes." " Bad?" "Bad thing from it." " Yes." "Brown." "What yöu do is yöu say, "Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom."" "Excuse me, is it possible to go and do a, yöu know..." " To be excused?" " How yöu say in the, yöu know..." "Upstairs." "Just say, "Excuse me a moment."" " I need to go, what yöu say..." " That works." "Thank yöu." " Can yöu go upstairs?" " Yes, thank yöu." "I think that the cultural differences are vast..." " Exactly." " ...and I think he's a delightful man and it wouldn't take very much time for him to really become Americanized." "Thank yöu very much." "I feel much better." " Cindy, where shall I put this?" " Just..." "Where should I put this?" "Maybe in the other restroom down here." "In the..." "Excuse me..." "Excuse me for just a moment, please." "yöu roll off like this and yöu wipe yöur bottom and yöu put the paper..." "Look." " yöu, wipe mine?" " No, I don't. yöu do." " This is a very private thing." " The host cleans the anus of the other?" "No, no, no." "Nobody touches yöu, except yöu." "Can I bring a guest to dinner?" "If yöu have been invited to a home or to a party..." " Yes." " ...it is acceptable to bring a guest" " if yöu ask yöur host in advance." " Yes." "General Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee." " I think this my friend." "Hello?" " Hi, I'm looking for Borat." " Yes, it's me." " Oh, hi, honey." " I'm Luenell." "Hi, hi." " Hello, nice to meet yöu." " This my friend, Luenell." " Hi." "Oh, okay... yöu all having a dinner party." "Well, we were." "I don't know exactly what all that we're doing..." " It is getting very, very late." " Excuse me, I'm going to have to go." " Okay." "Very nice." " It's getting very, very late and it's time that, yöu know, we were ending our dinner party and everything." " I apologize..." " But can't she come for desserts?" "Absolutely not, and neither can yöu." " The sheriff is on his way." " I hope so." "I've already called them." "Why yöu call police?" "Have the retard escaped?" "I want say I very sorry how they treat yöu in this house." "Thank yöu." "I was thinking maybe I'd just take the night off." "Why don't we just go out and have some fun?" "What do yöu think about that?" "yöu want to come with us?" "Up yöurs!" "Hi!" "My name Borat." " This my friend, Luenell." " Hi, Luenell." "She is a prostitute." "yöu were funny on that bull." "Everybody almost see yöur underpants." "I never rode a bull before." "Well, yöu wanna..." "yöu wanna come in for a little while?" "I would like very much but I in love with a woman in Malibu." "It would not be nice to her for me to..." "Okay, well, if yöu're ever in town again, this way, yöu know, look me up." "If I ever in town again, Luenell," "I would very much like to pay yöu for sex." "Okay." "Good night, Luenells." "Good night, Borat." "yöu say my name right." "Borat." "People say Borak or Billy or Bob." "Bye." ""Pamela is a fairly simple girl, she recently explained." ""'There's not a whole lot of logic in the way I live my life." ""'I am very spontaneous."'" "I'm very spontaneous too." "I needed a gift to give to Pamela so that she would grant me entry into her vagina." "Therefore, I convinced Azamat to let me film a report in an American store." "Don't spend more than $3." "We're low on money." "This yöur shops?" "Right, this is my antique shop." "Why do yöu have so many things with a flag?" "We're honoring our heritage." "Now, what in here?" "What is this?" "These are a number of collectibles." "I mean, this is a lamp that, yöu know, yöu would use in yöur home." "This is a Chinese cloisonné bell." "And this is a little decorative duck." "And do yöu think, yöu know, when they..." "I'm sorry." "Wait, wait, wait." " We need help, baby." " No, it's okay." "I sorry." "Sorry." "I will repair all of this." "Don't worry." "My friend, he can make glue and..." "I don't think yöu're gonna be able to glue it. yöu're gonna have to pay for it." "Okay, I have a digital watch from the future." "I will give yöu." "Is worth more than all of this." "yöu broke $425 worth of stuff." "160, 170, 180." " That's not enough." " Do yöu want hair..." "No, I don't want any damn hair." "This is best hair in Kazakhstan." "Feel the quality." "I don't want yöur damn hair." "This is hair from pubis." "I can get 2,000 bags by next Friday." "We don't use that stuff in this country." "Have yöu offered them pubic hair?" "Yes!" "Just give me another 20." "It was a mistake." "yöu screwed up again." "I didn't see the truck." " I slipped on it and that was it." " Only an idiot could do this." "Would yöu have believed this if I had told yöu?" "All right." "Go." "Go." "Go." "yöu've ruined this documentary and almost bankrupt us." "So call the ministry and get more money." "What?" "If I did that, they would kill us!" "California had better be as good as yöu say, or we're finished." "yöu bastard." "What's the matter with yöu?" "How dare yöu make hand-party over Pamela." "Why do yöu care who I pleasure myself to?" "Because I love this woman." "She's the reason we travel to California!" "What?" "yöu lied to me!" "yöu lied about California!" "Eat my asshole!" "Holy..." "Okay." "We have a special guest here this evening." "Ruth Feiner is here." "MORTGAGE BROKERS ANNUAL BANQUET" "Get the fuck out of here!" "So bad news." "Azamat have leave." "I wake up, he disappear and he take Oxana, my bear." "Our bear." "And he also decide to take all money and also my passport." "And he leave me only this bag, with a hen" "and ticket to Kazakhstan." "But no passport." "But at least he is man enough to leave me" "my beautiful." "Which I have cleaned since last night." "And I have decide to continue making documentary." "Make it without Azamat." "I think it will be better and we will have more success without him." "I only want 17 cents, please." "I had no car, no money and no Azamat." "The only thing keep me going was my dream of one day holding Pamela in my arms and then making romance explosion on her stomach." "Eventually, I managed to hike a hitchings with group of yöung scholars also traveling across country." "FRATERNITY BROTHERS Univ. of S. Carolina" " How yöu doing?" "How yöu doing?" " Where the fuck are yöu from, baby?" "I am from Kazakhstan." " Welcome to fucking America!" " Hey, have a seat." "Let's go." " What's yöur name?" " Anthony." " Anthony?" " Yes." " Anthony." " And Justin." " Justin." " And David." " David." " Bartender Dave." "Very nice." " Can yöu open this, please?" " Oh, sure." "Thank yöu very much." "So yöu like the bitches out there in the fucking old Russia, there?" " What?" " The bitches in old Russia." "How are the women?" "The fucking ho's, baby!" "The fucking girls!" " yöu fuck the shit out of them!" " Yes!" "Then yöu never call them again." "Why yöu don't call them?" "Because they do not have a telephone, yes?" "No, not because of that." "They don't have my respect, yöu know?" "I mean..." "So, what are yöu doing here in America?" "They film me travel across U.S. and A." "I don't know what yöu're saying, man, but that's cool!" "Let's get drunk!" " Yes!" "High five!" " High five!" "This is America in a bottle." " Oh, baby!" " Oh, baby!" " Borat, let me hear it." "Oh, baby!" " Oh, the baby!" "Suck, suck, suck!" "Let me tell yöu game we play." "Can I hear a game yöu play?" "We play a game called "When the snake eat the pig."" " When the snake eat the huh?" " The snake eat the pig." " yöu get a baby mouse, very small..." " Baby mouse?" "...and yöu put a bit of cheese in hole of yöur chram, until it go inside." "That is too crazy for me." "I'll do it." "I don't give a fuck, I'll do it." "Let me ask yöu this." "Are woman..." "Are women yöur slaves in Russia?" "No." "Do yöu have slaves here?" " We wish." "We wish." " No slaves." " It is a shame." " Hey, Borat." "Big shame." "Big shame." "It would be better country if..." "Yes, it'd be better country." "We should have slaves." "Our country, the minorities actually have more power." "Anyone that is minority has the upper hand." "We have the Jews." "We have anybody that's against the mainstream." " Do yöu want to see my new wife?" " Yes!" "This my new wife." " Pamela!" " yöu know her?" "Pamela!" "I know of Pamela." "I will take her virgin for the first time." " I am going to put this shit on." " Put it on." "Borat, Borat." "We have a lot to talk about." "I will take her virgin." "I will uncork her." "Borat, Borat." "She is no virgin, Borat." " Is not true." " She is no virgin, buddy." "Is not true." "Liar!" "Liar, liar, yöur panties on fire." "Borat, shut up." "Small Jacuzzi on a fucking small yacht." "What she do?" " She's sucking some dick, man." " yöu see her sucking dick?" "This is not her." "I guarantee yöu that shit's gonna happen." "Don't worry about it." " That's her, Borat." "Sorry." " Borat, that's her." "This is not her." "It's her." "I'm sorry." " I'm sure it's her." " I go." " No, no, no." " Titty bar." "Come here." "yöu're my man. yöu're my man." "I do not know why she is trying to do this." "Come on, Borat." "Stay with us, buddy." "We love yöu." "We'll remember yöu always." "Like I taught yöu." "Wait." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hey, hey." "yöu're in America now. yöu'll make it." "yöu... yöu keep going, okay?" "yöu are bigger than a woman." "yöu are better than a woman." "We will always be behind yöu." " Do not let a woman ever, ever..." " We'll always be make yöu who yöu are." " Goodbye, my friends." " Goodbye." "My ticket." "How will I get home?" "I sorry, my friend." "Go." "Go." "Run to freedom." "Go!" "Go and live yöur life!" "Come on!" "It is good to be here." "CHARLES "CHIP" PICKERING U.S. Congressman" "This is my 10th Pentecostal camp meeting." "A decade." "The bottom line is, we're a Christian nation now," "JIM SMITH Chief Justice, State Supreme Court we were one in the beginning and we gonna always be a Christian nation until the good Lord returns." "Amen." "I didn't evolve out of a monkey." "I didn't use to be a tadpole." "I is what I is." "Praise yöu, Jesus." "The Bible says that God was manifest in the flesh and believed on in the world." "I got good news." "Jesus is God in the flesh." "I don't care what the devil's done to yöu or what he's trying to do." "All yöu gotta do is step out of that aisle now and make yöur way down to this altar." "Let's have a little old-time church right now." "I need somebody to pray with me right now." "Come on, sir!" "The blood over my neighbor." "I bleed the blood over my church." "I want yöu to help me, save me, please." "Ladies and gentlemen, the gentleman here, standing right next to me, his name is Bolak." "Would yöu greet him with a great big Jesus name for just a couple of minutes?" "Thank yöu." "I have no friends." "I am alone in this country." "Nobody like me." "My only friend, Azamat, he take my money and my bear and he leave me alone." "Not only this." "The woman I love, the reason I travel across the country, she have do something terrible on a boat," " and now I can never forgive her." " yöu have to." "Is there anybody who can help me?" "Yes." "The one that can help yöu is who we preached about tonight." " Jesus." " Do Jesus like me?" "Absolutely, Jesus loves yöu." "Do Jesus like my sons?" "Jesus loves yöur sons." "Do Jesus love my retard brother, Bilo?" "He loves yöur brother, Bilo." "Do Jesus love my neighbor, Nursultan Tulyakbay?" "Yes." "He loves everybody." "Nobody love my neighbor, Nursultan Tulyakbay." "Can Jesus heal the pain that is in my heart?" "Jesus can heal yöur pain in yöur heart." "Make him heal the pain that is in my heart." " Lift yöur hands and begin to worship." " Lift yöur hands." "Would yöu lift yöur hands with him as we pray in the name of Jesus." " God, forgive me of my sins." " God, forgive me..." " Forgive me, God." "Cleanse me." " Cleanse me." "Cleanse me, Lord, in the name of Jesus." "Yeah, let that tongue go." "Here it comes." "We're gonna speak in other tongues." "Let that tongue go." "Yes, God." "Yes, God." "Yes, God." "Yes!" "Yes!" "I will forgive Pamela and I will go to California." "I will go to Malibu with me and my friend, Mr. Jesus and together we will take her!" "I took a bus to Los Angeles with some friends of Mr. Jesus." "Finally, I had arrived." "Happy times." "Marilyn." "Azamat?" "yöu traitor!" "Look, I can explain." "yöu attack me." "My mustache still taste of yöur testes!" "Calm down." "Let me explain." "What did yöu do with the bear?" "She ran off." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "Hey!" "Fuck off, Death!" "yöu need to calm yöurself!" "yöu have to calm down!" "Well, that's another fine mess yöu've gotten me into." "I had not come to Hollywood to fight a man dressed as Hitler." "I had come to make Pamela Andersons my wife." "So I forgave Azamat." "I knew yöu'd make it here, Borat." "I felt so bad that I prepare this for yöu." "It's everything I could find on Pamela." "Last Friday she appeared for a group who are against cruelty to animals." "Against cruelty to animals?" "And tomorrow she's doing a signing." "She wrote a book." "What?" "A woman has written a book?" "Dr. Yamak would never believe this." "I know." "We will go to this historical event, and I will marry Pamela there but in the traditional Kazakhi way." "Azamat, let's prepare the wedding sack." "yöu forgive me, yes?" "Yes." "Having learned many lessons from U.S. and A," "I will now teach America how to have a wedding Kazakhi-style." "yöu find more." "PAMELA ANDERSON AUTOGRAPH SIGNING Orange, CA" "Very excite." "Very excite." "Hi." "Hi, everyone." "I love yöu." "It is me, Borat." " Well, thanks for coming, yöu guys." " Thank yöu!" "I love Pamela Anderson." " Really?" " Yes." "Go ahead." " Hi." " Hello." "Make it out to someone?" "My name Borat Sagdiyev." "I son of Asimbala Sagdiyev, and Boltak, the rapist." "I former husband of Oxana Sagdiyev who was daughter of Miriam Tulyakbay and Boltak, the rapist." "I make this for yöu, this..." "There are our name." "My name... yöur name, Pamela Anderson and Borat Sagdiyev." "Here's today's date." "And this say that it is today's date, our wedding, and then this inside is silk." "Pamela, will yöu marry me?" "No, thanks." "I'm sorry." "No." "Agreement not necessary." "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Get off!" " Get yöur own wife!" " Fucking shit!" "Come on, get her!" "Wait, Pamela." "Don't worry, I nervous too!" "Pamela, wait." "Pamela, I will give yöu yöur own plow." "Get out of the way!" "Watch out, watch out." " Get on the ground." " Hands behind yöur back." " Okay." "Pamela..." " We're gonna stand yöu up." " Bring yöur knees up." " All right." "Pamela, I am not attracted to yöu anymore!" "Not!" "I was humiliated." "It was time for me to return to New York, where a ticket was waiting for me to fly back home." "While I sat on the bus, I thought of my journey over the past three weeks." "The great times." "The good times." "And the shit times." "Mainly, they were shit times." "I had come to America to learn lessons for Kazakhstan but what had I learned?" "Suddenly, I realized." "I had learned that if yöu chase a dream, especially one with plastic chests, yöu can miss the real beauty in front of yöur eyes." "Hi." "8 MONTHS LATER" "Welcome back in my town of Kuzcek." "Since I return, there have been much improvements." "We no longer have Running of the Jew." "It's cruel." "We Christians now." "Doltan improve too." "Hey, Doltan." "High five!" "Great." "Come my house." "There Nursultan Tulyakbay." "He still asshole." "I get iPod." "He only get iPod Mini." "Everybody know it for girls." "Come." "And this my beautiful wife." "Thank yöu for watch my film." "I hope yöu like." ""Hope You've Liked  Enjoyed The Movie"" "Copyright from SI Media"