"[LENFILM Studios]" "[First artistic association, 1977]" "[Based on the play by Nikolai Gogol]" "[A Completely Improbable Occurence]" " The Marriage " "Watch out!" "Hot pastries!" "Hot pastries!" "Hot pastries!" "Here, sir!" "..." "Come on up!" ".." "Come on, we're selling shoes, red shoes, sir!" " Shoes, sir!" " Come on, sir!" " Come on over here!" " Shoes!" " Here, sir!" "A penny!" "Give me a penny!" "A penny!" "Give me a penny!" "Give me a penny!" "Now where, my lord?" "To Kanavka by the Semenovsky bridge." "[Featuring]" "[Agafia Tihonova" " Svetlana Kryuchkova]" "[Podkolesin" " Aleksey Petrenko]" "[Kochkarev" " Oleg Borisov]" "[Omelette" " Vladislav Strzhelchik]" "[Anuchkin" " Borislav Brondukov Zhevakin" " Evgeniy Leonov]" "[Arina Panteleymonova - Maya Bulgakova]" "[Fekla Ivanovna" " Valentina Talyzina]" "[Dunyasha" " Tamara Guseva]" "[Stepan" " Nikolai Penkov]" "At home?" "At home." "Probably, some forty year old spinster?" "Not at all." "I mean, as soon as you marry, every day you will remember me with praise and gratitude." "You're lying, Fekla Ivanovna!" "Oh, I'm too old to lie, sir;" "A dog lies." "And the dowry:" "a stone house in Moscow, so profitable, it's a real pleasure." "One merchant pays 700 rubles for a stall." "The beer cellar also brings in quite a crowd." "And how is she, how does she look?" "Like a lady!" "White, rosy, like milk and blood, so sweet, that I can't even describe her." "Nonetheless, she's not the daughter of a head officer?" "The daughter of a merchant of the third rank!" "And she is one who would not bring shame even to a general." "And she is one who would not bring shame even to a general." "I was asking you about that, because I am a court counselor - so I need, you understand..." "Yes of course, how can one not understand!" "We had a court counselor too, but he was refused: they didn't like him." "Well, and aside from this one, are there any other ones?" "What other one do you want?" "This is the cream of the crop!" "The very cream?" "You can search the whole earth and not find another like her!" "We'll think about it, we'll think about it." "Come back the day after tomorrow." "Have mercy, sir!" "I've come to you for three months straight, and there's no use!" "He just sits there in his pajamas and smokes his pipe!" "And you think that marriage - is just like:" ""Hey, Stepan, hand me my boots!"" "Put them on your feet and off you go?" "Here one needs to... carefully consider." "Look into it." "It's the worse for you!" "There's already a gray hair on your head!" "Soon you won't be good at all in a husband's role!" "Why are you talking such garbage?" "!" " Where do you see a gray hair?" "Where do you see it?" "!" " You look!" "This one doesn't suit him, that one doesn't suit him!" " I have such a great captain in mind," " Gray hair!" "that you wouldn't rise above his feet!" "How are you here?" "Listen, why the hell did you marry me off?" "What's wrong with it?" "The law saw that it was done." "The law saw." "As if!" "A wife!" "As if I couldn't live without one?" "You were asking for it yourself!" "Old rat!" "Gray hair." "That's worse than the plague." "You're crazy!" "Why?" "!" "Why?" "!" "What is this foolishness!" "You scared me!" "Seriously!" "My soul leapt out of my body." "My, what a scoundrel!" "And you didn't even tell me anything about it!" "What a person!" "I ask you kindly: doing it in secret, huh?" "What are these jokes?" "!" "And you broke the mirror!" "This wasn't free you know:" "bought in an English store!" "Well, enough of that!" "It's me who should be angry at you." "You hide everything from me, your friend." "You're thinking about marriage?" "What foolishness, I..." "I wasn't thinking about it at all!" "But the evidence is right there!" "It's well-known, what sort of bird she is!" "Hey, Fekla!" "Well, Fekla, what is your patronymic?" "Speak." "Who is she, what, and so on." "A noble?" "An official?" "And he broke... the mirror." "Enough, I'll find you a new mirror." "Yeah, you'll find one!" "I know those other mirrors!" "They make you look 10 years older, and your mug looks crooked!" "Or in the merchant class?" "And what is her name?" "Agafya Tihonova." "Agafya Tihonova!" "Agafya Tihovna!" "Brandahlystova?" "Oh no" " Kuperdyagina." "Kuperdyagina?" "What, does she live in Shestilavochnoy?" "Not at all." "It's closer to the Sands, in the Soap Alley." "Well right, in the Soap Alley, right past the stall - a wooden house?" "Notpastthestall, by the beer cellar." "How's that, past the beer cellar?" "I don't know anything about that." "But when you turn into the alley, you'll see a booth." "And as soon as you pass it, turn left." "And there right in front of your eyes - I mean right there in front of you there will be a wooden house where the seamstress lives, who lived with the high secretary from the senate." "But don't enter the seamstress' house." "Right after it there will be a second house, made of stone." "That's her house." "That is, the one she lives in, Agafya Tihonova, the bride-to-be." "That is, the one she lives in, Agafya Tihonova, the bride-to-be." "Good." "Good!" "Now I'll do everything;" "and you go away, - there's no need of you any more." "How's that?" "Do you really mean to arrange a marriage yourself?" "Myself, myself;" "you just don't get in the way." "How shameless!" " That's not a man's job." " Go away." "Come to your senses, sir, really!" "Go on, go on." "You don't understand anything!" "Don't get in the way!" "You just want to rob people of their daily bread!" "You're godless!" "Know your place, grasshopper - get out of here!" "What crap you've muddled yourself with!" "Well, brother!" "This business can't be dragged out." "Let's go!" "But I was just... you know..." "It's ok, it's ok." "There's nothing scary here;" "it's Christian business, it's even necessary... for the Motherland." " I was just thinking..." " It's fine, it's fine!" "Just don't get flustered:" "I'll marry you so well, you won't even feel it." "We're going right away... to see the bride." "What's this now!" "Going right away!" "Well, what's the use in delaying this business?" "Judge for yourself:" "what do you gain by being a bachelor?" "Just look at your room." "What's in it?" "There's an uncleaned boot, there's a wash cloth," "there's a big pile of tobacco right on the table." "Well, that's true." "I know full well that there's not much order here." "Well, and as soon as you have a wife, you won't recognize yourself or anything else." "Here you'll have a couch, a doggy, some little one in a cage, handcrafts." "And imagine, you're sitting on the couch, and suddenly a cute lady sits down next to you, so pretty, and pats you with her hand." "Oh, damn it, once I think about, of course... what beautiful hands there are." "What's that!" "As if they only have hands!" ".." "Brother, they have... well, let's leave it at that!" "God only knows what they don't have." "Well to tell you the truth," "I like it when someone pretty sits next to me and..." "There, you see, you're getting it." "Well, now we just need to give the orders." "The wedding dinner and so on - I'll take care of all that..." "You definitely can't have less than a dozen bottles of champagne, no matter what you want." "It's also definitely good to have half a dozen bottles of Madeira." "And Rheinwein - screw it, right?" "What concerns the dinner " "I have in mind a server who works for the court:" "that devil will feed you so well, you won't be able to stand up." "Wait a second, you're getting so into it, as if the wedding is already here." "And why not?" "Why delay?" "Aren't you agreed?" "Me?" "Well no, I'm not completely in agreement yet." "There you have it!" "You just told me that you wanted it!" "I was just saying it wouldn't be a bad thing." "Mercy, how's that!" "We were about to finish this whole business!" ".." "What, you don't like married life or something?" "No..." " I like it." " Then what is it?" "What's stopping us?" "Nothing is stopping us," " it's just weird..." " What's weird?" "!" "How is it not weird?" "!" "How is it not weird?" "!" "I was unmarried for a long time, and now all of a sudden... suddenly - married!" "Well?" "Well?" "!" "Well, aren't you ashamed of yourself?" "I see one needs to talk sternly with you:" "I will speak with you plainly, like a father to his son." "Look at yourself!" "Look at yourself closely!" "Just like you're looking at me now!" "Well, what are you now?" "Just a log!" "You don't have any meaning!" "What are you living for?" "Well, look in the mirror!" "What do you see there?" "Just a foolish face - nothing more!" "And now, imagine, you'll have kids around, maybe even six of them, and all of them look like you - like two drops of water!" "Now you're a court counselor, an expeditor or something, some sort of boss, God knows, and then, imagine, you'll have little expeditor-lings running around, these little guys, and one of these little offspring, holding out his hands," "will tug your sideburns, and you'll pretend to be a dog: woof, woof, woof!" "But they're big trouble-makers:" "they'll ruin everything, throw your papers around!" " No-no-no!" ".." " Let them make trouble!" "They look like you - that's the thing!" "Well, really, damn it, it's even funny." "some little pike, and he looks like you!" "Of course, of course it's funny." "Well then, let's go." "I guess, let's go." "Hey, Stepan!" "Get your master ready." "I think, after all, that there needs to be a white vest." "Whatever, doesn't matter." "There are, there are!" "Let me just collect myself first " "I've been rushing around so much!" "As you commissioned, I have gone through each house, each chancellory, dragged myself through the ministries, wandered around the sentries..." "You know, I was almost killed, by God!" " Oh!" " Yes." "But what suitors I have found for you!" "That is, the world turns and will continue to turn, but there have never been such as these!" "What are they: courtiers?" "All ripe for the choosing." "They'll come today." "How's that, today?" "What is it?" "My dear Fekla Ivanovna, I'm scared." "Don't be afraid, my dear, it's a simple matter." "They'll come, take a look, and that's all." " And..." " Well?" "How many are there?" " A lot?" " Well..." "Six people." "Six?" "!" "It's better for the choosing:" "if you don't like one, you'll like another." "Well, at least, you attracted some good ones?" "Yes, of course they're good ones!" "Such courtiers, the likes of which haven't been seen before." "Well, well, well!" "And what are they like?" "What are they like?" "Wonderful, great, neat." "Balthazar Balthazarovich Zhevakin." "So wonderful, served in the navy, - he'd be perfect for you." "He says he needs the bride to have some body, he doesn't like sticks at all." "Ivan Pavlovich works as an executor." "Such an important gentleman, one can hardly approach him." "Such an imposing sight, fat;" "he just starts yelling at me:" ""don't tell me your stupid nothings, that the bride is like this or like that!" "You tell me straight, how much liquid and illiquid assets she has!"" "And then, my dear, he pasted in such a word, that it wouldn't be appropriate to repeat it in front of you." "I immediately understood: eh, I think to myself, this must be a very important personnage." "And who else?" "Nikanor Ivanovich Anuchkin." "So grandiose!" "And his lips, my dear, like raspberries, exactly like raspberries." "I need, he says, a bride who looks good, is well brought up, that can speak French." "And he's so slight, and has such narrow legs, so thin." "No, these slight ones aren't quite for me..." "I don't know..." "I don't see anything good in them." "Well, if you want someone more solid, take Ivan Pavlovich." "You can't make a better choice!" "He is, one can only say, a true lord:" "will barely fit through those doors, - that's how great he is." "And... how old is he?" "Oh, still a young person: about 50." "And his last name?" "His last name:" "Ivan Pavlovich Omelette." "That's a last name?" "!" "Yes, a last name." "My God, what a last name!" "Listen, Feklusha, how is that, if I marry him," "I'll suddenly be called Agafya Tihonovna" "Omelette?" "!" "My dear, there exist last names in Russia, that you can only spit and cross yourself, if you hear them." "Well, if you don't like the last name, then take Balthazar Balthazarovich Zhevakin." "A great suitor." "And what... what kind of hair does he have?" "Good hair." "And his nose?" "And a good nose." "All in the right place." "But please do not be angry:" "he has but one pipe in his apartment, and that's it, no other furniture." "And who else is there?" "Akim Stepanovich Panteleev." "An official, a titular counselor, stutters a little, but he's very modest." "What do you keep going on about: official, official!" "Does he like to drink, tell me that." "Well, he drinks, I won't lie, he drinks." "What can one do, he's already a titular counselor." "Well no," "I don't want my husband to be a drunk." "Well, your will, my dear, your will." "But after all, what's wrong if he drinks a bit extra every now and then, - it's not like he's drunk all week:" "he's sober on some days." "Well, who else then?" "There is another one, but..." "God be with him!" "Well, who is he?" "I wouldn't even want to talk about him." "He is, probably, a court counselor, has a buttonhole, and he's very heavy and hard to raise, can't drag him out of the house." "And who else?" "There are only five here, and she said, there are six!" "Isn't this enough for you already?" "Look, how you've.." "soured all of a sudden." "What's the good in them, the courtiers?" "One merchant would be as good as all of them." "Look... there's a good merchant, in the fabric business, Aleksey Dimitrievich Starikov." "I don't want a merchant!" "Eh, Agafya Tihonovna!" "You wouldn't say that, if the late Tihon, your father," "Panteleymonovich were still alive." "It happened, he'd bring down his whole hand on the table, and would yell:" ""I don't give a damn, - he'd say, - about those, who are ashamed of being merchants."" "And his hand - as big as a bucket." "Oh, how scary!" "Truth to tell, he really did your mother in, or she would have lived longer." "There!" "For me to have such a mean husband!" "I will never marry a merchant!" "But Aleksey Dimitrievich isn't like that!" " He's not like that!" " I don't want to!" "I don't want to!" "He has a beard!" "He'll start eating, everything will drip down his beard!" "I don't want to!" "I don't want to!" "Oh no, Arina Pantelejmonovna, a courtier would be more honorable." ""A two-story stone house..."" "Here." ""Two wings:" "a wing on stone foundation, and a wing on wood."" "Well, the wooden one is kind of bad." ""A twin sleigh..."" ""Twin sleigh with a thread, for a large rug and a small one..."" "Maybe, ones that are only fit for scrap?" "The old lady, however, promises that they're first class." "Do I have the honor of speaking to the father of the beautiful lady of the house?" "Not at all, not with the father at all." "I don't even have children yet." "Oh, excuse me, excuse me!" "You, probably, have some need of the lady of the house?" "No, why..." "I don't have any need, just wandered in from a stroll." "That's them: one of the suitors!" "God, forgive us sinners!" "The rooms aren't cleaned up!" "Dunyashka!" "Dunyashka!" "A new napkin!" "My dear, get dressed quickly!" "Get dressed!" " Aunt!" ".." " God, give us strength!" " Give us strength!" " What am I to do?" "!" "Allow me to bother you with a question?" "Does the lady of the house speak any French?" " Home?" " Home?" " Home." "Please enter the room." "Wait here, they'll come out." "Wait - then we'll wait." "Just want to make sure not to dally." "I just left for a minute." "From the department." "What if the general thinks:" ""Where is the executor?"" "My soul, come on, clean me off." "Please." "Look, take the fuzz off the back." "Look, it's like there's a spider there, crawling." "And there's nothing on the tails?" "Thank you." "Thank you, my dear." "the material is..." "English!" "That's why it wears so well!" "Thank you, my dear!" "My beauty." "In '95, when our squadron was in Sicily," "I bought it when I was still a midshipsman and sewed it into a uniform;" "in 1801, under Pavel Petrovich," "I was made a lieutenant, - the fabric was completely new;" "in 1814 I made an expedition around the world, it just got a little frayed at the seams;" "in 1815 I retired, refaced it:" "I've been wearing it ten years - still looks almost like new." "There." "There." "And how, may I ask, is Sicily... so you mentioned:" "Sicily, - is that a good land, Sicily?" "Wonderful!" "We were there for 34 days;" "the view, I would like to report, is amazing!" "Mountains, pomegrenate trees," "Italian girls around, rosy, want to kiss them." " And well brought up?" " In the best way possible." "So well brought up, like our countesses." "Really." "It happened, you walk down the street, naturally epaulettes here, gold stitching... and there are dark-skinned beauties, " "they have little balconies by each house, roofs are flat, like this floor." "So you look, a rosy one is sitting there... naturally, well, so you don't make a fool of yourself... so... well, and so she, and... naturally, dressed up:" "taffeta, laces, various lady's earrings... a dainty morsel." " Hello..." " How are you, my dear?" "Thank you, my lords, well, well." "So... a most interesting, as I see it, life" "in foreign lands." "Allow me to ask, with whom do I have the pleasure of exchanging words?" "Zhevakin." "Retired lieutenant." "Allow me to ask on my part as well:" "with whom do I have the honor of speaking?" "In the role of executor, Ivan Pavlovich Omelette." "I also had a snack." "It's a bit cold outside." "I know there's a long road ahead, so, I had some anchovies and bread." "You didn't understand me right:" "that's my last name" " Omelette." "Oh... fogive me." "I'm a bit hard of hearing." "So I thought, that you said, that you ate an omelette." "Yes." "What's one to do?" "I was just going to ask the general, to allow me to change my last name to..." "Omelettich, but my family convinced me against it:" "they said, it would sound too much like "son of a bitch"." "Yes, that happens." "Our whole third squadron, all the officers and sailors had the strangest last names." "And one midshipsman, and a good midshipsman, had a last name which was just "Hole"." "Let me ask you," " with whom and..." " Ah!" ".." "Anuchkin, Nikanor Ivanovich." "Here right in front of your eyes, that is right in front of you, - the wooden house." "With the seamstress, who used to live with the high secretary of the senate." "And across from that - another house, made of stone." "Why did you stop?" "Well... you go on ahead..." "I'll just get my bearings for a minute:" "my boot's undone." "There now!" "As if you really need to fix your boot!" "You'll run away, I know it." "And really: stone, two stories!" "Remember, just courage, and nothing else." "What does this mean?" "Won't these be suitors?" "Where did you get all these crows?" "There aren't any crows here, all honest people." "A lot of guests, but their clothes are tattered." "Look at your own flight, nothing to brag about:" "a one ruble hat, and your soup is without grains." "Your high-fliers probably have only holea in their pockets." " My God, look at yourself!" " Look at yourself!" "And, if I may ask you the question, in what language do people explicate themselves in Sicily?" "Naturally, in French." "And all the noble ladies definitely speak French?" "Yes, all of them, definitely." "You might not even believe it... what I'll tell you." "We... were there 34 days, and in all that time not once did I hear a word of Russian from them." " Not one?" " Not one." "Sit..." "Sit, I tell you!" ".." "Sit down!" "I'm not even talking about the courtiers!" "And other... senoras and..." "Well,.. take for instance... one of their simple peasants, who just drags all sorts of crap around on his back," "try to tell him:" ""give me some bread, brother", - he won't understand," "I swear, he won't understand;" "but tell him:" ""Give me some bread, brother!" - in French,.." "Oh, it must be quite an interesting land,.." "I see, this Sicily." "So you said - a peasant:" "well the peasant, how is he?" "just like a Russian peasant, broad-shouldered and... plowing the earth?" "I can't tell you:" "I didn't notice, whether they plow or not,.." "but in terms of sniffing tobacco, I can tell you, not only does everyone sniff it, but they even put it behind their lips." "For what reason did you decide to pay us a visit?" "I found out from the papers, that you would like to enter into a contract about delivering wood and trees." "And so, being in the role of an executor in these parts," "I came to find out, what kind of wood it is, in what amount, and by what time you can, mmm, deliver it." "What wood?" "Although we don't take any contracts, we are happy that you came to visit." "And... what is your name?" "Collegiate assessor Ivan Pavlovich Omelette." "I would kindly ask you to be sitted." "Tell me, for what reason...?" "Also from the papers..." "I see, they're reporting something,.." "and... well, I think, let me go." "And... what is your name?" "Ah... what is my name?" "Lieutenant of the naval service, retired," "Balthazar Balthazarovich Zhevakin, the second." "There was another Zhevakin, but he retired before me." "Was wounded under the knee;" "the bullet passed through so strangely, that it didn't touch the knee itself, but hit the tendon." "Yes-yes-yes, like sewed with a needle!" "It happened that you stand next to him, and it always seems that he wants to hit you with his knee... from behind." " I would ask you... would ask you kindly..." " Yes-yes-yes!" "...most kindly to take a seat." "Ah... let me inquire, for what reason?" "Neighborliness." "Being a rather close neighbor,.." "That's... that's not the house of the merchant's wife Tulubova, that's across from here, where you live?" "No, I currently live on the Sands." "But I nevertheless have the intention to move in here, into neighborliness, into this part of town." "Kindly take a seat." "Allow me to ask the reason?" "Do you really not recognize me?" "And you also, my lady?" "It seems to me that I've never seen you before." "Well then..." "Think carefully, you must certainly have seen me somewhere!" "Honestly, I don't know!" ".." " It wasn't at the Birushkins', was it?" " Exactly, at the Birushkins'!" "And your name?" " Kochkarev." " Kochkarev?" "Ilya Fomich." "We're related, my wife talks incessantly about it." "Allow me... allow me: my friend." "Podkolesin." "Ivan Kuzmich, a court counselor, works as an expeditor." "Does everything himself." "He made his department absolutely perfect!" " And the name?" " Podkolesin." "Ivan Kuzmich." "The director is only there as a figure-head, but he does all the work." "Ivan Kuzmich Podkolesin." "Kindly take a seat." "Please." "Strange weather we're having." "In the morning... it was completely... and now it looks like it's passed." "Yes-yes." "Yes." "This weather doesn't seem very consistent!" "Sometimes it's clear, and at other times it's completely overcast." "Very... unfortunate." "But in Sicily, my dear," "we were there during the spring." "If we convert it to our time, that would be February." "It happened, you'd go outside, look a sunny day, and then rain, then, really, you look," "and it's as if it's rain." "Most annoying, when in such weather you sit alone." "A married person - that's a whole other story:" "not boring;" "but alone, it's just death!" "Complete death!" " Yes, you could say..." " And what, my lady, if you were to choose the subject?" " Death!" " What is your taste?" "Forgive me for being so straightforward." "In what service do you think it would be best for a husband to be," " if..." " Excuse me." "My lady, wouldn't you like to have for a husband a person, who is familiar with sea storms?" " Why be prejudiced?" " ...near... this weave..." " Why do you want to prejudice a person - ..epaulettes.." "who, of course, served..." "let me speak!" "My lady, allow..." " What's your opinion, Agafya Tihonovna?" " Tell me, tell me: thank you," " In my opinion, the best husband is the one - with my pleasure!" "the person who alone runs the whole department!" "Ah?" "!" "Podkolesin!" " So how is it, my lady?" " Podkolesin!" "Aunt!" "Sit in for me!" "What does this mean?" "Something, probably, happened." "Probably something about her outfit." "Fixing up the shirtfront... adding a safety pin..." " Oh, my lady,.." " What happened?" " How could something happen - nothing happened!" " My lady,.." "why did she leave?" "Well, you made her blush, so she left." "She asks to be excused." " But you..." " Come for tea in the evening," " ask us to come." " Thank you." "Please, come for tea in the evening..." "The lady isn't bad-looking, eh?" "Yeah, no..." "The girl looks very nice!" "Yeah." "Her nose... a bit too big." "I agree with them." "She's not quite it." "And does she even know French?" "Why didn't you talk with her in French?" "Let me ask." "Maybe she knows it!" "You think I speak French?" "No!" "I didn't have that upbringing." "My father was a brute, a scoundrel!" "I was just a child then, it would have been easy to teach me - all it needed was some use of the belt, and I would know it!" "Well, now that you don't know it, what good would it do, if she..." "Oh no, no!" "A woman - that's a whole different story." "She must definitely know it." "Without it, this and that - everything will be not quite right." "Oh yeah?" ".." "Well... someone else can care about that." "Are we going the same way?" "Where, may I inquire, do you live?" "Well, I guess we'll go as well?" "Yes." "Please come to tea in the evening." "We kindly invite you to tea." "Please come for tea in the evening." "Please come for tea in the evening." "Well,.. a bride must still definitely know French." " Why is that?" " Because..." "Well, I don't know why, but... otherwise everything will be not quite right." "But she's beautiful, a real beauty!" "Well I also..." "I thought she was quite pretty, but then, everyone started saying "long nose, long nose" " "I looked more closely and also saw it, the long nose." "Oh, you fool who can't find the door in a house!" "This, friend, is such a girl!" "Look carefully at her eyes." "God knows, what those eyes are like - they speak, breathe!" "Well, now I see it again,.." "it seems as if... she is good-looking." "Listen, now that they've all left, let's go see her?" "Explain everything - and that'll be that!" "Well I will not do that!" "But why?" "What shamelessness!" "Let her choose by herself." "Why do you care what the rest do?" "If you want I can..." "get rid of them all in a minute?" "Yeah." "And how would you get rid of them?" "That's my business!" "Just give me your word, that you won't try to get out of it later." "Why not give my word!" " Your hand." " Please." "I'm not taking it back." "I want to marry." "Take it." "There." "That's all I need." "Drive the lord to Kanavka, to the Semenovsky Bridge." "Really, such difficulties..." "If it were one person, two - but four!" "Nikanor Ivanovich isn't bad, though, of course, a bit thin." "Truth to tell," "Ivan Pavlovich is also a good gentleman, even if fat." "Balthazar Balthazarovich is also a man..." "Ivan Kuzmich... is also not bad." "If the lips of Nikanor Ivanovich were added to the nose of Ivan Kuzmich, and there was some talkativeness, like Balthazar Balthazarovich has," "Dear God!" "Seriously!" "I think it's best to choose straws." "To put myself in God's hands:" "the one who comes up, let that be the husband." "Such a sad position for a girl, especially one in love." "No man will involve himself in it, they don't even want to understand it." "Oh, if only God would let me draw Nikanor Ivanovich!" "But why him?" "Better Ivan Kuzmich." "God!" ".." "Why Ivan Kuzmich, eh?" "How are they worse, the other ones?" "Take Ivan Kuzmich!" "Why were you scared?" "Don't be afraid, it's me." "Well, seriously, take Ivan Kuzmich." "I'm ashamed," " you were eavesdropping." " It's ok, it's ok" "I'm on your side, there's no reason to be ashamed in front of me." "Well?" "Open up your face." "Well?" "I'm ashamed, in truth." "Well,.." "Take Ivan Kuzmich." "Really, a miracle of a person!" "He's improved his department aren't arranged in the vase." "A wonderful person!" "Nikanor Ivanovich is also a good person." "Oh please, he's crap compared with Ivan Kuzmich!" "Why is that?" "Well, it's clear why." "Ivan Kuzmich - that's a person!" "Truly a Person..." "a person who has no equal." " And Ivan Pavlovich?" " Omelette?" "!" "And Ivan Pavlovich - crap, they're all - crap." " Really all of them?" " Just judge for yourself, just compare them!" "This one, after all, is Ivan Kuzmich;" "and the rest, that's just the crap the cat dragged in:" "Ivan Pavlovich, Nikanor Ivanovich." "Well?" "The devil knows what that is!" "But they're all so modest, at least." "What modesty!" "Bullies and fighters!" "The most rambunctious people!" "Do you really want to be killed the day after your wedding?" "!" "Oh, my God!" "That's really the worst possible misfortune." "Of course!" "So, your advice is that it is better" " to take Ivan Kuzmich?" " Ivan Kuzmich!" "Naturally, Ivan Kuzmich!" "Dunyashka!" ".." "Where's the iron?" " So you think, Ivan Kuzmich?" " Certainly Ivan Kuzmich!" "And refuse those other ones?" "Of course refuse them!" "But how can I do that?" "!" "I'm a bit ashamed!" "Why ashamed?" "Tell them that you're still young" " and... don't want to marry." " But they won't believe that." "They'll start asking: why and how." "Ah!" ".." "Well, then, if you want to finish everything at once," " Aha!" " then simply say:" ""Get out of here, idiots!"" "But how can one say that?" "Just try." "I assure you, after that, they'll all run away!" "But that'll come out as very rude." "But you'll never see them again, so what's the difference?" "Isn't it all the same to you?" "All of this doesn't seem good somehow!" "They'll get angry." "So what if they get angry?" "Well, the worst that can happen, is that one of them might spit in your face - that's it!" "So!" ".." "You see?" "But what's the problem?" "Others have been spat at multiple times!" "Really!" "That's probably one of them." "Really..." "I'm trembling from fright." "Well-well... too young." "Too young." "Madam, I expressly came here early, to speak with you alone, at leisure." "Well, madam, you are aware of my title, I presume:" "I work as a collegiate assessor, am loved by my bosses, underlings listen, there is only one thing missing:" "a friend for life." "Yes?" "Now I find a friend for life, this friend - is you." "Madam, tell me straight:" "yes or no?" "I am still very young and am not inclined to marriage." "Hold on, hold on, then why does the matchmaker trouble herself?" "Well, maybe, you want to say something else?" "Explain yourself." "Madam, if this is about the last name," "I'll speak with the general." "Well, madam, tell me straight: yes or no..." " Forgive me, madam, for being so,.." " Maybe I'm early, madam," " maybe, early." "Oh, Ivan Pavlovich!" " than good manners dictate" " Already here!" ".." " But please..." " Madam, I don't have time:" " not show disrespect..." " I'm an official, - a person, who although he served" " just tell me one thing: yes or no?" " in the infantry..." " My respects, Ivan Pavlovich!" " but knows, nonetheless,.." " how to mingle with high society..." " I don't need this..." "In what sense do you not need this?" " Nothing... nothing..." " Madam?" " What do you mean nothing?" " I wasn't meaning..." " Madam, just tell me one thing:" " Allow me..." " yes or no?" " Get out." " Madam..." " Through my service..." " Get out!" " I know sea..." " Get out!" "Oh my God!" "What did I say?" "What do you mean, "get out"?" "What does that mean, "get out"?" "Allow me to inquire, what are you implying by that?" " Madam,.." " What's this parable?" "This is really a story!" " Tell me..." " My dear, tell me..." "Tell me, please, is the bride a fool or something?" "What?" "Did something happen?" "Started yelling: "Get out!" "Get out!" The devil knows what that means!" "Oh yeah, she has that in her." "Tell me, please," " you're her relative?" " But of course, I'm a relative." "Please." "Which relative are you, if I may ask?" "I really don't know!" "My mother's aunt something or other with her father..." "Or her father something or other to my aunt!" ".." "My wife knows about that: it's their business." "Please." "And has she had this for long... the foolishness?" "Since early childhood." "Yeah... it would have been better, if she were smarter... though a fool is also... good." "As long as the accounts are completely in order." "But she has nothing to her name." "How's that?" "And the stone house?" "That's the only good of it, that it's stone." "If only you knew how it was built:" "the walls are laid..." "only one brick thick, in the center there is all sorts of crap - trash, wood chips, shavings." "Really!" "Of course." "As if you don't know, how they build houses nowadays." "But the house isn't mortgaged yet!" "Who told you that?" "That's the thing: not only mortgaged, there are still unpaid percentages from two years ago." "And there's also a brother in the Senate, who also..." "has his eye on the house." "The world's never seen such a quarreler!" "He took the last skirt off his own mother... ungodly!" "Allow me to also bother you with a question?" "Yes?" "I admit, I don't know French, it's very hard for me to judge for myself, if a woman knows French or not?" " Does the lady of the house know it?" " Not a word." "Really?" "Of course!" "I know that very well." "She studied in the same boarding school as my wife, she was a known lazy-bones, always sitting in the dunce cap." "And the French teacher simply had to beat her with a stick." "Tell your bride, that she is a scoundrel." "Cursed matchmaker!" "Can you imagine, the first time I saw her," "I had some sort of premonition, that she does not speak French!" "What's French?" "!" "You should have heard, how she described it!" "House, wings!" "On solid foundation!" "Silver spoons!" "Sleighs!" "Just sit and ride!" "Sit and..." "Ah!" "Old sinner!" "Well, come over here!" " Oh, don't..." " Come here!" " Come here, I tell you!" " Oh, dear!" " The house is built" " You also told me," " one brick thick!" " that she knows French!" " To the pawn-shop!" " But she only..." "A most strange case." "This is... this would be... it seems, my... seventeenth bride." "What does she want, then?" "What does she, for example, I mean." "Why?" "If I were bad somehow, but it seems that you can't really say that." "Everything - thank God, nature wasn't unkind." "Reason just can't comprehend it." "A most strange case." "Funny!" "I like the happiness of your demeanor." "In our squadron under captain Boldyrev there was a midshipman" "Petuhov, Anton Antonovich;" "also had a happy demeanor." "It happened that you would show a finger like this, nothing more, and he'd laugh all of a sudden, would laugh until the evening." "All the best, sir." "Oh, God, forgive us sinners!" "And the matchmaker!" "..." "The match-maker!" "..." "A master of getting people married off!" "She sure knows how to work the business!" "If I marry you off, I'll really marry you off!" "You're not joking?" "You can make people marry?" "Of course!" "Whoever on whomever!" "Dear sir, marry me to the lady of this house." "You?" ".." "Why would you marry?" "What do you mean, why?" "It's kind of a strange question." "It's clear why!" "But you heard that she has no dowry." "My dear, if she doesn't then she doesn't." "With such a charming girl one can live without a dowry!" "...so a small screen, a small room..." "What did you like so much about her?" "She's a full woman!" "And I'm a big amateur - in the sense of full females!" " No!" ".." " Sir, I'm asking you!" ".." "You shouldn't marry at all!" " How's that?" " Just is!" "What's your figure like, just between us?" "One leg shorter than the other." " What do you mean shorter?" " Of course." "What do you look like!" "Sir, this appears to concern matters of my very person!" "I'm just saying this, because I know that you are a reasonable person!" "Please, I'll marry you!" "But only on another!" "No." "I would ask you to not marry me to another." "I would like, if you would be so kind," " this one." " Please, I'll marry you." "But on one condition:" "don't get involved in anything, and don't even show yourself to the bride, I'll do everything for you." "How can it be done without me?" " I'll need to present myself to the bridge!" " Not at all!" "Go home and wait." "This very night everything will be done!" "Doesn't there have to be... a certificate?" " And what about a service record?" " No!" "The bride might get curious!" "Nothing is required, just go home!" "Oh how great that is!" "I'll let you know today!" "What, did they leave?" "Left, left." "I just keep imagining, that one of them will return." "You can cut off my head if even one of them... so much as pokes his nose in." "I'm going to pick up..." "Is it really true that he was refused, like the rest?" "Completely." "It would be most embarrassing, after all, to be refused?" "Of course!" " Listen, now quickly onto business." " Yes, yes." "Talk to her and open up your heart this minute." "And demand her hand!" "I have brought you, madam, the mortal, who you see here." "There has never been one so in love " "God forbid," "I wouldn't wish that on an enemy!" "Well, friend, it seems that you've gone a bit overboard!" "It's fine!" ".." "It's fine." "Be braver, he's very calm;" "try to be more talkative." "Move your eyebrows a bit, you'll get him for sure, the villain!" "Too bad you didn't put on a dress with short sleeves." "But then, this is also good." "Ah, Podkolesin?" "Bravely!" ".." "Bravely!" "I leave you in pleasant company." "Goodbye!" "I would ask you kindly to sit." "Madam, you... do you like to ride?" "What do you mean, ride?" ".." "It's very pleasant in the summer to ride on a boat at the country house." "Yes!" ".." "Sometimes we stroll with acquantainces." "It's unknown, what this summer will be like." "Hopefully, it will be nice." "You, madam, prefer what kind of flower?" "The one that smells more strongly... carnations." "Flowers really suit ladies!" "Yes, a pleasant activity." "You... attended which church" " this Sunday?" " I was..." "In Voznesenskoy... and a week ago was in the Kazan cathedral." "After all, it does not matter where one prays, what church it is, that one just has better decorations." "Soon there will" "the Ekatirenhof festival." " It should be a fun festival." " Very soon... is today the 8th?" "... 8th, 9th... 10th, 11th, 12th... 13th, 14th... 15th, 16th, 17th..." "What a brave people are brave Russians!" "How's that?" "!" "The workers!" ".." "Stand on the very heights!" ".." "Here... today I passed by a house, the plasterer plasters and isn't afraid of anything!" "Where was this?" "Along the road, over which I always... always go to work." "I always go to work me!" "And you already want..." "Yes..." "Sorry, if maybe," "I bored you..." "How could that be?" "On the contrary," "I should... thank you for such time spent..." "But it really seems to me, that I bored you." "No, really, not at all." "Well then, if not, then allow me, another time sometime... in the evening, some time..." "My pleasure..." "In the evening... sometime..." "What a dignifed person Ivan Kuzmich is!" "Only now did I get to know him well!" "It's impossible not to love him!" "He's modest, sensible, and,.. most importly, it's good that he doesn't waste words at all!" "I also wanted..." "wanted to say two words to him..." "But became timid, my heart started racing so!" "And... well..." "Hey, Stepan," " have you been to the tailor?" " Been there." " So, is he weaving a tuxedo?" " Weaving." "And he's weaved a lot of it already?" "Quite: he's started to put in the buttonholes." "Really!" "And didn't he ask" " why the lord needs a tuxedo?" " No, he didn't say that." "Maybe he said:" ""Does the lord want to marry?"" "Nope, no he didn't ask!" "Really!" "But you saw, however, that he had other tuxedos?" "He sews them for others as well, right?" "He has a lot of tuxedos hanging there!" "You told him my rank, what service I'm in?" "Told him, told him." "Explained, explained." "What did he say to that?" "He said... said: "I'll do my best."" "I am of the opinion that a black tuxedo is more solid." "Colored ones are more for those... secretaries, titular and other such small fry - they're a bit for suckers." "A court counselor - that's really a colonel, except the uniform doesn't have epaulettes." " And did you buy the boot-blackener?" " I bought some." "Where did you buy it?" "At that stand, which I told you about?" " That very one." " The one on Voznesensky Avenue?" "That very one." " Well, did you try cleaning boots with it?" " I tried." " Does it shine?" " Shines - it shines very well!" "When he sold you the blackener, he didn't ask, say, why the lord needs such blackener?" "He didn't ask." "Maybe, he said," ""does the lord want to marry"?" "He didn't say anything." "Well, alright, go on." "Why are you here?" "I..." "And why would I have remained there?" "I... already said everything there, that was needed." "So then, you already opened your heart up to her?" "Except, perhaps, maybe I didn't open up my heart." "There's a story for you!" "Why didn't you open up?" "How do you want me to do that?" "Not having talked about anything first, all of a sudden to say out of the blue:" ""Madam, let me marry you!"" "Then what nonsense were you talking about for a full half hour?" "We talked about everything, about everything, and I admit," "I'm very happy." "She..." "I spent the time... with great pleasure." "Listen, judge for yourself:" "when will we have time for all of this?" "In an hour we have to go to the altar at the church." " Right now to the altar?" "!" " And why not?" "You yourself gave your word, you said that you are ready to marry right now." "Well and even now I am not going back on my word, but not right now." "There has to be a month, at least, of breathing room." " A month?" "!" " Well of course!" "What, have you gone mad or something?" "!" " It can't be less than a month!" " But I already ordered the dinner, you foolish log!" "Well, listen, Ivan Kuzmich, well, don't be so stubborn, my dear." "Marry now." "Have mercy, friend, what are you saying?" "How can it be now?" "Well, I..." "Ivan Kuzmich, I'm begging you, well, if you don't want it for yourself, do it for me, at least." " But it's really impossible!" " It's possible, my soul, everything is possible!" "Well, please, well, don't be so capricious!" "Well, it's awkward, totally awkward!" "What's awkward?" "!" "Who told you that?" "Well, judge for yourself;" "you are an intelligent person." "I'm not telling you that, to ingratiate myself with you, not because you're an expeditor, but from love." "Well?" ".." "Well?" ".." "Well, enough of that my dear, well, make up your mind, look at it through the eyes of a sensible person." "If only it were possible, I would..." "Ivan Kuzmich!" "My dear, my sweet!" "Well, if you want, I'll get on my knees in front of you?" " No!" "Get up!" " Well, here I am on my knees!" "There, you see for yourself, I'm begging you!" "I'll never forget this favor!" "Well?" "Well, don't be so stubborn, my dear!" " But it's impossible, friend!" "Really, impossible!" " Well, but why?" "!" "Well, why..." "Swine!" "Well, swear, swear." "Please, swear all you like." "What did I put that effort in for?" "!" "What did I fight for?" "!" "All for your good, your fool!" "What is it to me?" "I'll abandon you now!" "What's it to me?" "And who asked you to fuss about it?" "Please, abandon me!" "But you'll perish!" "You can't do anything without me!" "If I don't marry you, you'll remain a fool for life!" "What's that to you?" "What a fool!" "But truth be told, I was also being stupid!" "Why do I strive so, such that even my throat is dried out!" "What's he to me?" "What am I: his nurse, his aunt?" "Why?" "Why do I worry about him, without any rest?" "!" "The devil knows why!" "Go ask a person sometime, why he does something?" "I don't want your efforts!" "Well then go to hell!" "I'll go!" "That's the right place for you!" "I'll go!" "I swear to you, everything is over between us!" "Don't even show your face to me anymore!" "And I won't!" "Go to the devil, your old friend!" "I'll go!" "What a fool!" "Scoundrel!" "What a vile, despicable mug!" "I'd take you, you stupid animal, and would drive you around with flicks!" "To the nose, the ears, the mouth, the teeth - all the places!" "But here's the pity:" "this all falls away from him, like water from a goose!" "He'll keep laying there and smoking his pipe!" "Stop!" "But not a chance!" "I have come madam," "to explain one matter to you... but I would like to know first, if it won't seem strange to you?" "What is it?" "No, madam,.. you tell me first, won't you think it's strange?" "I don't know what it is." "But... but admit it:" "probably, it'll seem strange to you, that which I'm going to tell you?" "Have mercy, how could it be, that it's strange?" "I am happy to hear anything from you." "But well..." "You have never yet heard... this... here's the thing!" "Alright!" ".." "I'll tell you sometime... later." "What is it?" "It's..." "I wanted to,.." "admit, now... to announce... this and... keep being doubtful for some reason." "Why are you doubtful?" "Well somehow..." "I keep having doubts." "How stupid this is!" "How stupid this is!" "And you, madam, can see:" "he's asking for your hand, wants to declare, that he can't live without you," " can't exist!" " Have mercy, friend, what are you saying!" ".." " He's simply asking," " What are you... saying!" "if you are willing to make him happy." " What are you saying?" "!" " Well then, madam?" "Are you decided to bring this mortal happiness?" "I could never even think, that I could provide happiness..." "But after all, I agree!" "Naturally, naturally!" "It should have been done like this a long time ago!" "Give me your hands!" "God will bless you!" "I agree, I approve your union!" "Marriage - that's a thing... it's not just like, find a coachman and drive off somewhere." "It's a responsibility of a completely different kind, it's a responsibility..." "Except I don't have time right now, later I'll tell you what sort of responsibility it is." "Well, Ivan Kuzmich, kiss your bride." "Now you can do this." "Now you have to do this." "It's ok, it's ok, madam;" "this is as it must be, let him kiss you." "No, no, no, no, no, now allow me, now allow me." "Madam,.." "Allow me..." "What a wonderful hand!" ".." "Why, madam, do you have such a wonderful hand?" "No, allow me to say, I want the wedding to be this very hour, without delay, this very hour." "How - right now?" "Maybe this is a bit too soon." "I don't want to hear anything!" "I want it to be even faster, so we can wed" " this minute!" " Bless you!" " Bravo, good man!" " Bless you!" "A noble person!" "I, to tell you the truth, already sent for a carriage." "You, madam, hurry now to get dressed." "Your wedding dress is already ready, I know." "Ready, ready!" "Dunyasha!" "Oh, madam!" "It's ok, ok, ok..." "Well, friend!" " Well, well, well..." " Thank you!" "Now I fully appreciate your service!" "My own father wouldn't do for me, what you did!" "Thank you, friend!" "It's ok, friend, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy myself!" "Thank you!" "Well, let me kiss you." "God grant that you live successfully, happily, and with plenty;" "may you have many children..." "Thank you." "Finally, exactly just now," "I just discovered what life is!" "Now a completely new world opened up before me!" "Now I see, that all of this lives!" "Feels, breathes!" "Somehow evaporates, somehow, I don't even know, what's happening!" ".." " And... and before, before I didn't know anything..." " Happy, happy, happy!" "I'll just run and check, how the carriage is doing, how's the table; and will be back in a minute." "And before I didn't understand" " any of it..." " Well-well..." "I was a person lacking any information didn't reason, didn't dig deep..." "Really, my heart is beating so, it's hard to explain myself." "They'll take me, lead me to the church... then leave me alone with a man..." "Goodbye,.. my old girlish life!" "I lived, lived.." "and now I have to get married!" "How many cares:" "boys are a fighting lot;" "and then there will be girls;" "they'll grow up - marry them." "It'll be fine, if they find someone good, but what if it's a drunk?" "Really, what was I up to now?" "Did I understand the meaning of life?" "I didn't understand!" "I didn't understand anything!" "Well, what was I doing, what did I mean?" "Lived, lived, went to my department, served, dined, slept, - well, in a word, was the world's most ordinary and empty person." "Only now can I see, how foolish they are, the ones who don't marry!" "If you look closely - how many people are so blind!" "If I were a king somewhere," "I would order... everyone to marry!" "Absolutely everyone!" "So that in my kingdom there would not be one unattached person!" "Really, when you think about it:" "in a few minutes - and I'll be married!" "suddenly will feel the bliss, the like of which can only... be found in stories," "that can't even be expressed, and one can't even find the words, to express it two," "three,.." "four,.." "five,.." " six,.." " Dunyashka!" "seven,.." "eight, nine..." "Don't break them accidentally." "Yet, however you look at it, it even becomes kind of scary, once you really think about it." "Your whole life, forever," "to tie yourself, and afterwards... no excuses, no... no regrets, nothing, nothing - everything is done,.." "everything is over." "And even now there's no way to step back:" "going to the altar in a minute;" "can't even leave " "there's a carriage already, and everything stands ready." "Is it really true that there's no leaving?" "Naturally one can't:" "there are people in the doors and all around;" "well, they'll ask:" "why?" "No, it's impossible." "And what about through the window, eh?" "No, impossible; how, it's impolite,.. and pretty high up." "Well, not really that high up:" "just the foundation, and even that is low." "But no, how, it's impossible:" "even my hat isn't with me." "How can I without a hat?" "Awkward." "Is it indeed impossible, without a hat?" "And what if I try?" "High up!" "God, protect me!" "I don't even know what's with me!" "I'm ashamed again, and trembling throughout." "Go." "If only he weren't in that room for even a second." "Where is he?" "Where did he go?" "Fekla, where did Ivan Kuzmich leave for?" "He was right there!" "Where there?" "He was sitting right here, in the room!" "But he's not there, as you can see!" "Well, yes." "But he also didn't leave the room." "And so where is he?" "I don't know, but maybe he's sitting in another room?" "No, he should be right here." " What is it?" " Ivan Kuzmich is missing." "What do you mean, missing?" " He left?" " No, he didn't even leave." "How's that - missing, and hasn't left?" "Where he could have got to, I can't even imagine!" "Well... there's no way he could have gone down the back stairs." "How, devil take it?" "Since he also couldn't just... disappear, without leaving the room." "Maybe he's hiding?" "Ivan Kuzmich!" "Well, don't play games, where are you?" "That's enough, come out quickly!" "It's high time to go to the church!" "He couldn't leave!" "There is no way he could possible leave!" "He's here; that room even has the hat, I put it there on purpose!" "Dunyashka!" ".." "You haven't seen Ivan Kuzmich?" "He jumped out the window." " The window?" "!" " The window?" "!" "Yes, and then, after jumping, got a coachman and drove off." " Are you telling the truth?" " You're lying!" " God knows, he jumped." " It can't be!" "Even the merchant at the retail stall saw it." "Well then?" "And he's the one, who knows, how to do this business." "Let me have God knows what kinds of suitors, tattered and all sorts, but those, who would jump out of a window, " "I don't have any of those, excuse me!" "What, sir, was this in mockery, or what?" "You thought to laugh at us?" "You came to shame us?" "I am living my sixth decade, and have never lived through such shame." "For that, sir," "I spit in your face!" "This is nonsense,.." "it's not like that, I'll go, I'll run,.." " You're a scoundrel, if you're an honest person!" " I..." "I'll return him!" "And you call yourself a nobleman!" " This is nonsense..." " To shame us!" "To shame a girl in front of the whole world!" "Yeah, just try to return him..." "Don't you know the marriage business, or what?" "If he runs out the door at least,.." "but when the groom scurries through the window - well then I pay my respects." "Don't!" " And a nobleman at that!" " I'll return him!" " I'm a peasant, but would never do something like this!" " I'll catch up to him!" " To Kanavka, to the Semenovsky bridge!" " It seems you're only good for dirty tricks" " Faster, faster!" " and swindling...!" "Shamed us!" ".." "Shamed us!" "Shamed us!" "Faster!" "Stop!" "To Basseynaya Street." "Why don't we go home, friend." " The Marriage " "[Written and directed by:" "Vitaliy Melnikov]" "[Head Cameraman:" "Yuri Veksler]" "[Head Artist:" "Bella Manevich]" "[Composer:" "Oleg Karavaychuk]" "[Sound technician:" "Konstantin Lashkov] [End]"