"[instant message chime] [instant message chime] [moaning] oh yeah." "[gasping] oh yes." "Oh yes." "[instant message chime]" "Thanks chipper." "[giggling] thanks gluggy." "Thanks gluggy." "[gasping] [gasping] [instant message chime] oh yeah." "Oh yeah." "oh my god poo bare," "Oh my god poo bare, i'm so glad you're here." "[moaning] 1,000 dudes are jerking off 1,000 dudes are jerking off to me right now." "To me right now." "but poo bare," "But poo bare, this one's for you baby." "This one's for you baby." "oh yeah." "Oh yeah." "[instant message chime] [instant message chime] yeah!" "Yeah!" "oh my god." "Oh my god." "ohh yeah, oh god." "Ohh yeah, oh god." "oh, feels so fucking good." "Oh, feels so fucking good." "oh my god." "Oh my god." "oh, it feels so good" "Oh, it feels so good in my pussy." "In my pussy." "oh yeah." "Oh yeah." "[gasping] [gasping]" "Oh my god." "oh yeah." "Oh yeah." "oh fuck." "Oh fuck." "holy fuck." "Holy fuck." "[instant message chime] [instant message chime] oh, you're gonna" "Oh, you're gonna make me come, poo bare," "Make me come, poo bare, i'm gonna come for you" "I'm gonna come for you i'm gonna come for you" "I'm gonna come for you poo bare." "Poo bare." "oh god, oh my god!" "Oh god, oh my god!" "[gasping] [gasping]" "Oh my god." "oh my god." "Oh my god." "that was so fucking-- guys." "That was so fucking-- guys." "guys." "Guys." "that was fucking amazing." "That was fucking amazing." "aw, thank you." "Aw, thank you." "ew, that's so gross scooby." "Ew, that's so gross scooby." "[laughing] [laughing] that's so funny." "That's so funny." "oh my god, did you know" "Oh my god, did you know poo bare is actually like," "Poo bare is actually like, a state trooper?" "A state trooper?" "[laughing] [laughing] oh, you're blocked scooby!" "Oh, you're blocked scooby!" "[instant message chime]" "Guys." "tomorrow's the 4th of july," "Tomorrow's the 4th of july, so that means my new website" "So that means my new website will be launching soon," "Check back all day because you never know" "You never know what i might post." "Okay, i have to go because i'm gonna go see" "Because i'm gonna go see transformers 3 for like," "Transformers 3 for like, the 3rd time." "The 3rd time." "[laughing] [laughing] can you guys tip me" "Can you guys tip me some more please?" "[instant message chime] thanks!" "Thanks!" "[typing] [typing] love you." "Love you." "bye." "A™ª music [dog breathing] you'resocute." "[sighs]" "Shot this a couple nights ago." "Oh my god i feel so gross right now." "So gross right now." "i have to get ready" "I have to get ready before jordan gets here." "Before jordan gets here." "i have to put my lashes on." "Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-dooo." "prince rocket has lift off!" "Prince rocket has lift off!" "[mimicking rocket noises] [mimicking rocket noises] flying into the next dimention!" "Flying into the next dimention!" "reaching the vortex!" "Reaching the vortex!" "shhh." "Shhh." "wanna see mr. prince, daddy?" "Wanna see mr. prince, daddy?" "stopit,nottoday, stopit,nottoday, hun, please." "hun, please." "[ontv]theywereprecious, [ontv]theywereprecious, they were paid for, in blood!" "they were paid for, in blood!" "[crowd cheering  clapping] there'snothing to eat in here." "what are you talking about, there's plenty of things to eat." "[whispering] go wish your father happy birthday." "your father happy birthday." "i'mgoingto later,jesus!" "i'mgoingto later,jesus!" "aw,don'teatthat aw,don'teatthat for breakfast." "for breakfast." "whynot?" "whynot?" "mm, tasty." "youwantme to makeyou  an egg?" "an egg?" "no,i don't no,i don't feel like an egg, mom." "feel like an egg, mom." "this is what i want." "this is what i want." "i'mgonnamakeyou breakfast." "i'mgonnamakeyou breakfast." "heymr.prince, heymr.prince, you want a cheese ball?" "you want a cheese ball?" "no,don'tgivehim that!" "no,don'tgivehim that!" "look,mr.prince!" "look,mr.prince!" "stop!" "stop!" "you do not feed the dog you do not feed the dog junk like that!" "junk like that!" "getitmr.prince,getit!" "getitmr.prince,getit!" "go!" "go!" "get it mr. prince!" "get it mr. prince!" "that'snotgoodfor him ." "that'snotgoodfor him ." "woah,niceass." "woah,niceass." "oh,thankyou." "oh,thankyou." "igetit fromyou ." "igetit fromyou ." "you should be." "you should be." "well, i'm proud of it." "well, i'm proud of it." "proud of my ass." "proud of my ass." "oh my god is that jordan?" "oh my god is that jordan?" "ithinkso ." "ithinkso ." "jordan!" "jordan!" "goodmorning,jordan." "goodmorning,jordan." "happy 4th of july." "happy 4th of july." "jordancomehere!" "jordancomehere!" "why are you late?" "why are you late?" "heykelly." "heykelly." "you'rea bigpizzahead." "you'rea bigpizzahead." "iknowi'msorry iknowi'msorry i was at matt's." "wake me up early so we could start so we could start working on my website." "working on my website." "iknow,i'msorry." "iknow,i'msorry." "doesn't that look stupid?" "doesn't that look stupid?" "[laughing] [laughing] pizza." "pizza." "ohmygod, ohmygod, that's awesome." "that's awesome." "i'm a genius." "i'm a genius." "come on, let's go work on it." "honey,aren'tyougonna honey,aren'tyougonna eat something?" "eat something?" "no,don'tbotherus,  no,don'tbotherus,  'cause we're doing 'cause we're doing important stuff in my room." "ohmygodwe'recute !" "look at us!" "look at us!" "wegottafocusonmywebsite, wegottafocusonmywebsite, we gotta post videos, jordan!" "we gotta post videos, jordan!" "[laughing] [laughing] oh my god, kelly, geez, oh my god, kelly, geez, why do you have that up?" "why do you have that up?" "howabouticouldjust  howabouticouldjust  like get like, like get like, dance around in my bra." "dance around in my bra." "classic." "classic." "wait, are you filming yourself?" "wait, are you filming yourself?" "yeah." "yeah." "[laughing] [laughing] wait, i'm supposed to wait, i'm supposed to be filming you." "be filming you." "yeah,okay." "yeah,okay." "rwar!" "rwar!" "kill the dolphin!" "kill the dolphin!" "[laughing] [laughing] [indistinct] [indistinct] king neptune." "king neptune." "whatthehell, whatthehell, how do i do that?" "how do i do that?" "[indistinct] [indistinct] get it?" "get it?" "ohmygod, ohmygod, you're such a nerd." "you're such a nerd." "alright, i gotta be sexy, alright, i gotta be sexy, jordan!" "jordan!" "okay,okay." "okay,okay." "whatdoido?" "whatdoido?" "yeah." "yeah." "[laughing] [laughing] that'sreallynot that'sreallynot sexy at all!" "sexy at all!" "oh my god!" "oh my god!" "alright, come on." "alright, come on." "come on." "come on." "i gotta get my... i gotta get my..." "[laughing] [laughing] alright, for real, alright, for real, for real." "for real." "okay." "okay." "alright,wait,ready?" "alright,wait,ready?" "superwoman!" "superwoman!" "i'm superhero!" "i'm superhero!" "yeah,thatlookssoreal ." "yeah,thatlookssoreal ." "ohmygod." "ohmygod." "ilovefans,you can do ilovefans,you can do so much with the fans." "you should do more videos with fans." "with fans." "like a super model." "like a super model." "yeah." "yeah." "[laughing] [laughing] oh, it feels good in this fan." "oh, it feels good in this fan." "youlookso good." "ohmygodjordan, you're so nice." "didyoureallytellyour mom about the king kelly website?" "about the king kelly website?" "duh,hellno !" "she thinks i'm making like, handbags and jewellery handbags and jewellery and shit like that." "and shit like that." "they don't even fucking know they don't even fucking know what a website is." "what a website is." "[laughing] [laughing] oh my god, oh my god, that's so funny." "that's so funny." "iknow,right?" "iknow,right?" "okay, i have to okay, i have to think of more ideas." "think of more ideas." "youcando wett-shirt!" "youcando wett-shirt!" "ohmygod." "ohmygod." "jordan." "jordan." "you're fucking smart." "you're fucking smart." "you're gonna be you're gonna be my manager when i blow up." "my manager when i blow up." "ohmygod,kelly, ohmygod,kelly, i'm so bad with everything, i'm so bad with everything, like, managerial." "like, managerial." "jordan!" "jordan!" "you're so organized." "you're so organized." "it's the perfect job for you." "it's the perfect job for you." "you're awesome." "you're awesome." "i love you." "i love you." "aw,i loveyou." "it'sthe4thofjuly ." "that means-- that means-- [laughing] [laughing] i'm dripping on the floor." "i'm dripping on the floor." "alright, just stay up here, alright, just stay up here, stay up on my boobs." "stay up on my boobs." "just get my boobs." "just get my boobs." "okay,okay." "okay,okay." "it'sthe4thofjuly ." "it'sthe4thofjuly ." "and that means we are less and that means we are less than one month away than one month away from my launch of my website, [splashing] [laughing] [laughing] oh,that'sgood," "oh,that'sgood, no, no, say that again." "no, no, say that again." "don'tforgetto tipme." "don'tforgetto tipme." "whatever." "whatever." "pft." "pft." "itotallywill." "itotallywill." "peeproomsucks." "peeproomsucks." "that's why i'm doing" "alright, ready?" "5-4-3-2-1." "5-4-3-2-1." "[laughing] happy birthday, george washington." "george washington." "that'ssohot." "that'ssohot." "isitreally?" "isitreally?" "thisisgonnagenerate thisisgonnagenerate so much visits." "so much visits." "[knocking] [knocking] kelly?" "kelly?" "what!" "?" "what!" "?" "i told you not to bother us!" "i told you not to bother us!" "iknowthatkelly, iknowthatkelly, but ryan's at the door." "but ryan's at the door." "rightnow?" "rightnow?" "what is he doing here?" "what is he doing here?" "idon'tknow, idon'tknow, he didn't wanna come in." "fuck!" "fucking shit!" "fucking shit!" "what,what'sgoingon?" "what,what'sgoingon?" "ryan'stotally ryan'stotally stealing my fucking car!" "stealing my fucking car!" "[laughing] [laughing] that'snotfunny!" "that'snotfunny!" "what the fuck!" "what the fuck!" "oh my god, i knew oh my god, i knew this was gonna happen, this was gonna happen, he's such a dick!" "he's such a dick!" "fuck." "fuck." "he's fucking jealous." "he's fucking jealous." "whyisit happening?" "whyisit happening?" "iknewthiswas  iknewthiswas  gonna happen too." "gonna happen too." "kelly." "kelly." "shit." "shit." "wait." "wait." "[indistinct] [indistinct] i'm coming." "i'm coming." "ryan!" "ryan!" "what the fuck are you doing?" "what the fuck are you doing?" "putthephonedown, putthephonedown, please." "please." "i'm taking my car back." "i'm taking my car back." "i told you i was gonna i told you i was gonna take this car back, take this car back, i'm taking it back." "i'm taking it back." "ryan." "ryan." "this is my car." "this is my car." "i paid for it." "thisisnotyourcar." "you didn't pay for it, you-- you didn't pay for it, you-- ipayforgas all the time!" "ipayforgas all the time!" "ipaidformost, ipaidformost, more than half of this car, more than half of this car, i paid for the tires, i paid for the tires, and i paid for this mirror." "and i paid for this mirror." "[whining]ryan." "[whining]ryan." "don'tfuckingdo that, don'tfuckingdo that, kelly." "kelly." "come on." "come on." "youlooklikeshit,ryan ." "youlooklikeshit,ryan ." "hijordan." "hijordan." "heyryan." "heyryan." "i like your shirt." "i like your shirt." "thankyou." "thankyou." "is this fun for you?" "is this fun for you?" "yeah." "yeah." "yourhairlookslike yourhairlookslike shit today." "shit today." "happyfour--oh ." "happyfour--oh ." "[laughing] [laughing] ryan, get out of the car." "ryan, get out of the car." "i am gonna post this video i am gonna post this video so everyone can see so everyone can see what a psycho you are." "what a psycho you are." "ifyoufucking ifyoufucking post this video, post this video, i'll steal your dog-- i'll steal your dog-- you'restealingfromme you'restealingfromme right now-- right now-- takeitapartpiecebypiece" "takeitapartpiecebypiece  and send it back to you and send it back to you in the god damn mail." "youarestealingfromme right now, ryan." "right now, ryan." "you are a psycho." "you are a psycho." "youareabitch." "youareabitch." "argh!" "argh!" "dick!" "oh my god." "whatjusthappened?" "whereareyougoing, young lady?" "young lady?" "i'mgoinginside." "i'mgoinginside." "jordan,whereis ryangoing jordan,whereis ryangoing with her car?" "with her car?" "jordan,whatjust jordan,whatjust went on there?" "went on there?" "idon'tknow." "idon'tknow." "jordan." "jordan." "josh." "josh." "where's chad?" "[onphone]fuckifi know ." "youhaveto comepickmeup ." "youhaveto comepickmeup ." "ryan just stole my fucking car." "ryan just stole my fucking car." "dude." "dude." "jesus christ, you're such jesus christ, you're such a fucking drama queen." "a fucking drama queen." "take me off speakerphone." "take me off speakerphone." "you'renoton speakerphone, you'renoton speakerphone, jesus christ!" "jesus christ!" "wellitsoundslikeit, wellitsoundslikeit, dude!" "dude!" "ryanstolemy fuckingcar ." "ryanstolemy fuckingcar ." "okay,youalreadysaidtha,  okay,youalreadysaidtha,  kelly, and i didn't really kelly, and i didn't really care about it the fist time." "care about it the fist time." "so what?" "soyourpackageisstill in the trunk." "in the trunk." "areyoufucking areyoufucking kidding me, kelly?" "kidding me, kelly?" "itoldchadyou 'dbring itoldchadyou 'dbring that shit to dean's tonight, that shit to dean's tonight, he's gonna fucking lose it." "he's gonna fucking lose it." "josh,i knowthat,okay?" "josh,i knowthat,okay?" "jesus christ, just jesus christ, just come pick me up and we can come pick me up and we can go get the package together." "go get the package together." "dude,i don'thave dude,i don'thave time for this shit, time for this shit, i gotta fucking call chad." "i gotta fucking call chad." "josh." "josh." "why does this shit why does this shit always have to happen to me?" "always have to happen to me?" "what'sgoingon , what'sgoingon , did you leave the drugs did you leave the drugs in the car?" "in the car?" "they'renotdrugs,jordan." "they'renotdrugs,jordan." "they're just allergy inhalers they're just allergy inhalers and boner pills and boner pills and shit like that." "and shit like that." "[laughing] [laughing] no,thisis serious." "no,thisis serious." "i get paid a shit ton i get paid a shit ton of money to pick that shit up." "of money to pick that shit up." "cops'll pull me over and they cops'll pull me over and they don't even know i'm doing it." "don't even know i'm doing it." "chad says i don't fit the type." "chad says i don't fit the type." "whoareyoucallingnow?" "whoareyoucallingnow?" "troy." "oh." "dick." "dick." "he's so [indistinct] he's so [indistinct] nohe'snot." "wait, people are already commenting on it." "commenting on it." "i'llsendit to you." "i'llsendit to you." "it's an awesome video." "it's an awesome video." "i'm fucking pissed though." "i'm fucking pissed though." "yeah." "yeah." "jordan." "jordan." "you have to take me you have to take me to ryan's house." "to ryan's house." "i have to get my car back." "i have to get my car back." "what,me?" "what,me?" "yeah,youhavetotake-- yeah,youhavetotake-- rightnow." "rightnow." "yeah!" "yeah!" "no,kelly,ican 'trightnow." "jordan,it'sreally important, please." "important, please." "no,kelly,ican 't." "no,kelly,ican 't." "jordan,bestie,comeon,  jordan,bestie,comeon,  you have to." "you have to." "ihaveto-- ihaveto-- jordan." "jordan." "no,i haveto go to  no,i haveto go to  the pharmacy." "the pharmacy." "it closes in 20 minutes it closes in 20 minutes for the holiday." "for the holiday." "jordan,thisis  jordan,thisis  way more important, we have to go right now." "noit'snot, noit'snot, if i don't get my adhd meds if i don't get my adhd meds you know how fucking nuts i go, you know how fucking nuts i go, i go fucking crazy!" "i go fucking crazy!" "okay,woah." "okay,woah." "[phone ringing] [phone ringing] no,seriously,kelly, if i don't get 'em [indistinct] holdup,troy'scalling!" "holdup,troy'scalling!" "andtheregoes" "andtheregoes the whole fucking holiday!" "the whole fucking holiday!" "yeah,jordan'sfreakingout , yeah,jordan'sfreakingout , can you please come get me?" "can you please come get me?" "ohmygod,kelly!" "ohmygod,kelly!" "please, please, it's really important, troy!" "it's really important, troy!" "okay fine, just hurry up then." "okay fine, just hurry up then." "kelly." "kelly." "can he take you?" "can he take you?" "yeah." "yeah." "i'm gonna post that video i'm gonna post that video 'cause you look like a freak." "'cause you look like a freak." "no,kelly,seriouslydon 't." "no,kelly,seriouslydon 't." "iwon't." "why are you wearing that right now?" "right now?" "itoldyou." "itoldyou." "i have to fucking work." "i have to fucking work." "iknowthat." "why do you put your apron on before you go to work?" "before you go to work?" "just to drive over, just to drive over, that just seems weird to me." "that just seems weird to me." "whydidn'tyoujust whydidn'tyoujust call the police?" "call the police?" "ican'tcallthe police ican'tcallthe police 'cause they won't do anything." "'cause they won't do anything." "whynot?" "whynot?" "if he stole your car if he stole your car then you can call the cops." "then you can call the cops." "'causetechnically 'causetechnically the car's under ryan's name, the car's under ryan's name, but it's my car, i paid for more than half of it." "half of it." "when's my website when's my website gonna be done?" "gonna be done?" "i thought it was i thought it was supposed to be done by now, supposed to be done by now, or around right now?" "or around right now?" "i'mstillworkingonit." "i'mstillworkingonit." "why?" "why?" "[sigh] [sigh] it's a little bit more it's a little bit more complicated than you think, complicated than you think, kelly." "what are you doing?" "kelly?" "kelly?" "[sigh] [banging] ryan,areyouinthere?" "!" "ryan,areyouinthere?" "!" "you fuckhead!" "you fuckhead!" "stop." "stop." "stop!" "stop!" "blake." "blake." "get up, slacker." "get up, slacker." "dude, open the door." "dude, open the door." "[laughing] [laughing] kelly?" "kelly?" "[laughing] [laughing] dude." "dude." "[laughing] your whole fuckin' outfit." "dude,whereis ryan?" "dude,whereis ryan?" "ryanleft." "ryanleft." "where'dhego ?" "where'dhego ?" "that fuckhead stole my car." "that fuckhead stole my car." "what?" "what?" "yeah." "yeah." "that'ssofucking that'ssofucking jerry springer." "jerry springer." "igotavideoofit ." "igotavideoofit ." "you should watch it." "you should watch it." "it's crazy." "it's crazy." "whatdid,when?" "whatdid,when?" "justnow." "justnow." "whereishe ?" "whereishe ?" "wait,youmeanlike, wait,youmeanlike, the red camry?" "the red camry?" "[scoffs] [scoffs] that's his car." "that's his car." "noitisn't,it'smycar, noitisn't,it'smycar, it's always been my car." "it's always been my car." "[laughing] [laughing] nice,blake." "nice,blake." "it'ssomefuckin' it'ssomefuckin' wake and blake." "wake and blake." "[laughing] [laughing] whereisryan?" "whereisryan?" "ryan?" "ryan?" "he's like, goin' to his he's like, goin' to his fuckin' mom's house." "fuckin' mom's house." "what is that, what is that, what the fuck is the dude what the fuck is the dude with the apron?" "with the apron?" "what the fuck is he, what the fuck is he, your dog handler?" "your dog handler?" "thanksblake." "thanksblake." "byekelly!" "byekelly!" "bye,blake-y!" "bye,blake-y!" "bye!" "bye!" "[laughing] [laughing] you'rehotin yourapron, you'rehotin yourapron, troy." "troy." "wait, troy, wait, troy, where are you going?" "where are you going?" "i'mtakingyoubackhome ." "i'mtakingyoubackhome ." "no,youfucking, no,youfucking, i have to get my i have to get my fucking car back!" "fucking car back!" "you have to take me you have to take me to ryan's mom's house." "to ryan's mom's house." "no,i toldyou, no,i toldyou, i'm gonna be late for work." "fine,youknowwhat, fuck you dude, fuck you dude, i don't need your fucking help, i don't need your fucking help, i thought i could count i thought i could count on my boyfriend to care" "on my boyfriend to care about my fucking stolen car, about my fucking stolen car, but i can't even do that." "but i can't even do that." "kelly,i 'mgonnabe late kelly,i 'mgonnabe late for my fucking job for my fucking job and i'm gonna get fired." "and i'm gonna get fired." "ohmygod,troy, ohmygod,troy, you're such a dick!" "oh gross." "what do you think of that what do you think of that mr. prince?" "mr. prince?" "mmhmm." "mmhmm." "this is so lame." "aww." "jordan." "jordan." "we're so cute." "we're so cute." "we're still super cute." "we're still super cute." "hello little me." "kelly!" "what?" "what?" "youhaveafriendhere  youhaveafriendhere  to see you honey." "i think she needs more responsibility, more responsibility, i told her." "i told her." "ohhichad." "okay,i 'llleaveyoutwo  alone." "alone." "goodtoseeyou ." "goodtoseeyou ." "i'llseeyoulater." "dude." "canwetalkoutsideplease?" "canwetalkoutsideplease?" "no." "in my house right now, this is really weird." "this is really weird." "areyouserious?" "areyouserious?" "what the fuck do you think what the fuck do you think i'm doing here?" "i'm doing here?" "ohmygod,relax." "ohmygod,relax." "i told josh." "i told josh." "ryan has my car." "areyoutrying to steal my shit?" "to steal my shit?" "no." "why are you acting all sketchy right now?" "all sketchy right now?" "putthatphonedown." "putthatphonedown." "no." "no." "listen." "listen." "bring my package to dean's bring my package to dean's at 6:00 tonight, or we're both in a world of shit." "a world of shit." "oh my god, oh my god, you understand that?" "you understand that?" "yeah,i gotthat." "yeah,i gotthat." "heh,wow." "heh,wow." "happy 4th of july." "mr.prince!" "whydon'tyouput  your phone down and help us, kel." "and help us, kel." "well,i 'ma feminist,angela, well,i 'ma feminist,angela, i don't know if you've ever i don't know if you've ever heard of that concept." "heard of that concept." "no,don'tstartthat." "no,don'tstartthat." "butyou'rehappy butyou'rehappy to eat what we cook for you." "to eat what we cook for you." "yeahi 'mhappy, yeahi 'mhappy, but i'm not as happy as some." "but i'm not as happy as some." "okay,couldyouplease okay,couldyouplease just get out of here and not just get out of here and not be a distraction, kelly?" "wellthisis my house, angie." "angie." "um,justso you're um,justso you're aware, we had to take aware, we had to take your name off of your gift your name off of your gift for dad." "for dad." "so?" "so?" "soi e-mailedyoulike, soi e-mailedyoulike, several times about it, several times about it, and you didn't respond and you didn't respond to a single one that i sent." "to a single one that i sent." "kelly -- kelly -- whoevene-mails whoevene-mails anymore, angie?" "anymore, angie?" "everybodybutyou!" "everybodybutyou!" "stop!" "stop!" "why don't you go play why don't you go play with your nephew, with your nephew, he would love to see the dog." "arr!" "arrr, look at the men arrr, look at the men out in the yard." "out in the yard." "drinking beer and drinking beer and playing with fire." "playing with fire." "niceoutfit,kel, niceoutfit,kel, nice outfit." "nice outfit." "happybirthday,daddy." "happybirthday,daddy." "weareexpectingguests, weareexpectingguests, hun." "hun." "iknow, iknow, i'm so excited for you, i'm so excited for you, old man." "old man." "thanks,thankshun." "thanks,thankshun." "kissyou." "it's really good." "doyoulikemac and cheese?" "doyoulikemac and cheese?" "ilovemacand cheese." "ilovemacand cheese." "whichcheese?" "whichcheese?" "orange or yellow?" "orange or yellow?" "um...orange." "um...orange." "myfavouriteis orangealso." "yougottakeepthis camera steady, alright?" "camera steady, alright?" "this is gonna be a show, this is gonna be a show, an awesome show." "an awesome show." "wait, i gotta get wait, i gotta get the other one." "the other one." "damn it." "damn it." "yeah, i got 'em both goin' now." "yeah, i got 'em both goin' now." "what should i do timmy?" "what should i do timmy?" "what should i do?" "what should i do?" "is this cool?" "is this cool?" "is this cool?" "is this cool?" "how's that?" "how's that?" "[indistinct] [indistinct] heytom!" "heytom!" "check out my smoke show!" "check out my smoke show!" "you like it?" "you like it?" "yeahkel." "yeahkel." "whatever,you'reannoying." "whatever,you'reannoying." "timmy, you rock my timmy, you rock my fucking world." "fucking world." "don't say the f-word." "don't say the f-word." "is it good?" "look at that face." "marshmallow cream madnass." "marshmallow cream madnass." "yeah." "yeah." "what'sgoingon ?" "what'sgoingon ?" "timmy, stop it." "timmy, stop it." "what is-- did you open this what is-- did you open this for him!" "?" "for him!" "?" "are you crazy!" "?" "are you crazy!" "?" "what is the matter with you?" "what is the matter with you?" "timmy, stand up." "timmy, stand up." "stand up." "stand up." "you listen to me right now." "you listen to me right now." "what do you think you're doing?" "what do you think you're doing?" "what do you think you're doing?" "what do you think you're doing?" "angela,you'retotally angela,you'retotally abusing the kid right now." "abusing the kid right now." "kelly,putthecameradown , kelly,putthecameradown , stop it, stop filming stop it, stop filming my children." "my children." "i can't believe you." "i can't believe you." "chin up please." "chin up please." "chin up please." "chin up please." "kelly, these napkins are just, kelly, these napkins are just, not effective, could you not effective, could you make yourself useful make yourself useful and go get mom for like-- and go get mom for like-- you have a real problem" "you have a real problem with your filming and with your filming and everything on your phone." "everything on your phone." "noi don't." "noi don't." "yesyoudo ." "yesyoudo ." "do you think that i don't do you think that i don't know about your internet know about your internet strip tease that you do?" "strip tease that you do?" "ohmygod,angela." "ohmygod,angela." "you'redisgusting." "you'redisgusting." "isthisgonnabelike , isthisgonnabelike , a long lecture, a long lecture, because i'm pretty sure because i'm pretty sure that you have no idea what you're talking about." "yesi do." "yesi do." "you are selling sex for money." "you are selling sex for money." "that's illegal." "that's illegal." "noitisn't." "noitisn't." "yesitis ." "yesitis ." "noit'snot." "is that the cake?" "yeah,isn'tit nice?" "yeah,isn'tit nice?" "angie did that." "oh,nicecake,angie." "star spangled ass cake." "happy birthday daddy." "happy birthday daddy." "[giggling] [giggling] happy birthday america." "whowantscake?" "isthatthekindyoulike?" "isthatthekindyoulike?" "angeladoes!" "angeladoes!" "angela wants two pieces of cake angela wants two pieces of cake 'cause she's real hungry." "'cause she's real hungry." "kellystop, kellystop, put the camera away." "put the camera away." "getoffme ." "getoffme ." "knockitoff." "knockitoff." "hey,youcanstar hey,youcanstar in my next movie." "in my next movie." "i wanna watch you eat i wanna watch you eat two pieces of cake." "two pieces of cake." "shutup, shutup, you're so fucking rude!" "you're so fucking rude!" "do you know that?" "do you know that?" "how do you like it kelly?" "how do you like it kelly?" "iloveit ." "iloveit ." "yeah,i knowyouloveit." "yeah,i knowyouloveit." "actually, fans." "actually, fans." "i know that kelly loves i know that kelly loves being video taped." "being video taped." "staringatmy underwear." "staringatmy underwear." "tom was staring at my underwear." "tom was staring at my underwear." "stopit!" "stopit!" "areyoufuckingserioustom?" "areyoufuckingserioustom?" "please,angela, please,angela, do you really think that-- do you really think that-- kellyandangela,stopit!" "kellyandangela,stopit!" "you'rea shittymom." "you'rea shittymom." "letmetellyou what letmetellyou what your shit head daughter does, your shit head daughter does, okay?" "okay?" "how the fuck do you think how the fuck do you think she makes the money?" "she makes the money?" "angela,enoughnow." "angela,enoughnow." "howthefuckdoyouthink-- howthefuckdoyouthink-- you think she has you think she has a respectable job?" "a respectable job?" "[indistinct shouting] [indistinct shouting] she's a god damned whore!" "whatareyoutalkingabout?" "shesellssex shesellssex over the fucking internet!" "over the fucking internet!" "that's what she does!" "that's what she does!" "givememy phone." "givememy phone." "you're such a fucking-- you're such a fucking-- [indistinct shouting] [indistinct shouting] ihateyouall !" "ihateyouall !" "youshitface!" "youshitface!" "i just called jordan, i just called jordan, she's coming to pick me up, she's coming to pick me up, thank god for fucking jordan." "thank god for fucking jordan." "right now, i'm walking right now, i'm walking in my shitty neighbourhood." "in my shitty neighbourhood." "i never walk, i never walk, i fucking hate walking, i fucking hate walking, who the fuck walks?" "who the fuck walks?" "i am not a slut." "i am not a slut." "i'm not a slut." "areyouokay?" "no." "no." "can i have a hug?" "can i have a hug?" "yeah." "yeah." "i love you." "i love you." "hey." "hey." "what happened?" "what happened?" "nothing." "nothing." "we just have to go we just have to go get my car and chad's drugs." "get my car and chad's drugs." "okay." "ijusthatemyfamilysomuch." "they don't care about me they don't care about me or my life, they never or my life, they never try to understand me, try to understand me, and all they do is fucking and all they do is fucking guilt trip me and gang up" "guilt trip me and gang up on me about everything." "ohmygod,iknow , my parents are math teachers my parents are math teachers and i can't even do math and i can't even do math and they're always like-- and they're always like-- it'ssofuckedjordan," "it'ssofuckedjordan, they might actually they might actually kick me out of my house, and i have no fucking money, and now i have no fucking car." "wellmaybeyoucould move in with troy?" "move in with troy?" "yeahright." "yeahright." "i'm only with troy i'm only with troy so he'll build my website, so he'll build my website, and doing a shitty job at that." "and doing a shitty job at that." "and my website is the most and my website is the most important thing right now." "important thing right now." "yeah." "yeah." "i know, i know." "i know, i know." "let'sgogetryan." "let'sgogetryan." "yeah." "yeah." "givemeaad-whateverpill ." "givemeaad-whateverpill ." "ohmygod,yeah." "ohmygod,yeah." "god,matt'ssuchaprick, god,matt'ssuchaprick, why do you go out with him?" "why do you go out with him?" "right,thisfromagirl  right,thisfromagirl  whose ex just stole her car." "whose ex just stole her car." "[laughing] [laughing] oh my god, such a dork." "oh my god, such a dork." "wait,where'sthecar ?" "wait,where'sthecar ?" "thefuckis goingon?" "thefuckis goingon?" "i'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to talk to his bitchy mom." "talk to his bitchy mom." "it's not funny jordan." "it's not funny jordan." "sorry." "[indistinct] â™ª hold me down boy, â™ª hold me down boy, â™ª boy, boy ohh, â™ª boy, boy ohh, â™ª when i grow, way." "fuckme." "what?" "what?" "ryantookmy fuckingcar  ryantookmy fuckingcar  to staten island." "to staten island." "statenisland?" "statenisland?" "are you serious?" "are you serious?" "i'mfuckingserious, i'mfuckingserious, he's having a barbeque he's having a barbeque with his daddy." "with his daddy." "what?" "what?" "kelly- kelly- thisisshit, thisisshit, i am so over this, i am so over this, chad can get his boner pills chad can get his boner pills himself, and drive himself, and drive to fucking staten island" "to fucking staten island himself." "himself." "yeah." "yeah." "let's go to dean's." "let's go to dean's." "yeah,let'sfucking yeah,let'sfucking go to dean's." "go to dean's." "let's, it's the 4th of july, let's, it's the 4th of july, we're supposed to be having fun." "[crowd partying] supblake!" "?" "supblake!" "?" "wow, look at me, wow, look at me, i'm like the genie." "i'm like the genie." "i can make all your dreams i can make all your dreams come true." "come true." "make a wish." "make a wish." "[crowd cheering] [crowd cheering] oh my god, this is so crazy." "what'sup!" "?" "what'sup!" "?" "4th of july!" "4th of july!" "yeah!" "yeah!" "[crowd partying] [crowd partying] ineedaphoto, get a picture." "get a picture." "let's get a photo, let's get a photo, who has a phone?" "who has a phone?" "i'm gonna get a picture i'm gonna get a picture of you taking a photo of us." "of you taking a photo of us." "oh,thisis tight." "oh,thisis tight." "bam,lookat thatnipple." "bam,lookat thatnipple." "oh." "oh." "that'snasty." "that'snasty." "that's so nasty." "that's so nasty." "[indistinct] [indistinct] oh,shitdude, oh,shitdude, look over here, look over here, look look look." "look look look." "oh shit." "oh shit." "oh!" "oh!" "[indistinct crowd cheering] [indistinct crowd cheering] [laughing] fuckingpissedon my shorts." "fuckingpissedon my shorts." "[laughing] [laughing] what?" "what?" "kelly, hey, kelly, hey, you wanna see something?" "you wanna see something?" "yeah,you'refunny." "yeah,you'refunny." "yo, are you okay?" "woah." "woah, oh my god." "woah, oh my god." "ohmygod, ohmygod, i've got a fucking vagina!" "i've got a fucking vagina!" "[laughing] [laughing] dude, you need dude, you need some serious help man." "some serious help man." "canyouseethat?" "canyouseethat?" "yeah,i gotit ." "yeah,i gotit ." "i got it." "i got it." "i'vegotapussy." "i'vegotapussy." "givememore." "doi lookbeautiful?" "do i look beautiful?" "do i look beautiful?" "what'supkelly?" "what'supkelly?" "ew,ew." "ew,ew." "[crowd cheering  clapping] [crowd cheering  clapping] [screaming] [crowd chatter] dude." "dude." "jordan." "jordan." "[indistinct] [indistinct] i was standing back like i was standing back like [indistinct] [indistinct] woo!" "woo!" "it's hot!" "iwannahavesex withall these chicks who lit the fire!" "these chicks who lit the fire!" "shutup." "shutup." "americababy,america." "americababy,america." "[indistinct chatter] [indistinct chatter] jordan,comehere." "hey, jordan." "hey, jordan." "jordan!" "jordan!" "jordan!" "jordan!" "come here!" "come here!" "[laughing] [laughing] ohshit." "thisisdean'sparent's gross bathroom." "gross bathroom." "we're not supposed to be we're not supposed to be in the house but whatever, in the house but whatever, i don't give a fuck." "i don't give a fuck." "there are a whole bunch of there are a whole bunch of uneducated people out there, uneducated people out there, i can't find fucking josh, i can't find fucking josh, i can't find fucking chad," "i can't find fucking chad, and jordan's just like, and jordan's just like, staring at the fireworks." "staring at the fireworks." "and i'm bored." "and i'm bored." "weshouldgo backoutside." "they're starting to light the bigger fireworks now." "the bigger fireworks now." "thatsoundsgay,jordan." "thatsoundsgay,jordan." "i don't have time for that." "i don't have time for that." "i actually have to i actually have to deal with this, you know." "no,i wasjustthinking it might be fun." "it might be fun." "fuckchadandhis  fuckchadandhis  macho bullshit." "macho bullshit." "it took me a whole day it took me a whole day to pick up that package." "to pick up that package." "did anybody bother to thank me?" "did anybody bother to thank me?" "no." "no." "i might not even tell chad i might not even tell chad where ryan went." "where ryan went." "fuck 'em both." "fuck 'em both." "he can just wait." "he can just wait." "you'reright." "you'reright." "[phone beeping] [phone beeping] oh, so matt's texting me." "oh, so matt's texting me." "you okay?" "you okay?" "i'mgreat." "i'mgreat." "okay." "okay." "i'm gonna go outside." "i'm gonna go outside." "great." "great." "kay." "kay." "bye." "bye." "fan video idea." "[giggling] mmm, ohh yeah." "don't worry, i won't use my teeth." "[fireworks crackling] [crowd cheering  clapping] [crowd cheering  clapping] getoutof there." "[fireworks exploding] [fireworks exploding] yeah!" "yeah!" "yeah." "yeah." "ohshit." "ohshit." "dean,dean, dean,dean, i'm gonna go get some more, i'm gonna go get some more, i'm gonna go get us some more." "i'm gonna go get us some more." "hey!" "hey!" "what'sup,matt, what'sup,matt, whose dog is this?" "whose dog is this?" "idon'tknow, idon'tknow, it's probably dean's." "it's probably dean's." "aw,deandog,comehere , aw,deandog,comehere , you're so big just like dean!" "dude, what are you doing in here, doing in here, jordan's outside jordan's outside looking for you." "looking for you." "yeah." "yeah." "i found her." "i found her." "she's, i don't know, making videos of fireworks or something." "what is wrong with you?" "nothing." "nothing." "just a bunch of fucked up just a bunch of fucked up asshole dudes who i can't asshole dudes who i can't count on." "count on." "oh." "oh." "sameoldstory." "sameoldstory." "lookum,whydon 'tyou  lookum,whydon 'tyou  come upstairs with me?" "come upstairs with me?" "why?" "why?" "[laughing] because i have a lot of really good coke." "really good coke." "ohmygod,yes ,yes , ohmygod,yes ,yes , definitely, i love these." "definitely, i love these." "i love those." "i love those." "and... and..." "oh my god." "oh my god." "whatever that is." "whatever that is." "jordan,whatthefuck." "jordan,whatthefuck." "oh,heychad." "oh,heychad." "wherethefuckiskelly?" "wherethefuckiskelly?" "idon'tknow,oh,  but she was looking for you guys earlier." "for you guys earlier." "thisfucking-- thisfucking-- don't film this shit." "[sniffing] [laughing] give me that." "give me that." "why?" "why?" "giveitto me ." "giveitto me ." "why?" "why?" "iwannafilmyou ." "[laughing] letmegetthisforyou." "thanks." "you'rewelcome." "[sniffing] [laughing] [laughing] how was that?" "how was that?" "good." "good." "yeah." "yeah." "yeah." "yeah." "stripforme ,kelly." "stripforme ,kelly." "yeahright." "yeahright." "fuck you." "fuck you." "[laughing] you know i visit your page on peep room sometimes." "on peep room sometimes." "forreal?" "forreal?" "shut up." "shut up." "yeah." "yeah." "dude, you're king kelly." "dude, you're king kelly." "you're like, the most you're like, the most popular girl on that sight." "popular girl on that sight." "nah,peeproomislike , nah,peeproomislike , such small time." "such small time." "yeah?" "i'mgonnabe fuckinghuge when i launch my website." "when i launch my website." "yeah, it's gonna be monster yeah, it's gonna be monster when i go live." "when i go live." "ohyeah?" "ohyeah?" "you know like, sometimes you know like, sometimes i feel like i know you, i feel like i know you, like, less than like, less than i know king kelly." "i know king kelly." "whatdoesthatmean?" "whatdoesthatmean?" "[laughing] [laughing] i don't know, like... i don't know, like..." "i've just done shit with you i've just done shit with you that jordan won't even that jordan won't even let me try." "why don't you show me some of the things that you're some of the things that you're gonna put on your new site?" "[footsteps] hey,haveyouseenkelly?" "hey,haveyouseenkelly?" "sorry." "sorry." "god,whereis she?" "god,whereis she?" "chad's gonna be so pissed." "chad's gonna be so pissed." "kelly?" "kelly?" "oh, gross." "kelly." "kelly, it's me, chad's outside." "kelly, it's me, chad's outside." "kelly!" "oh my god." "jordan,it'snot jordan,it'snot what you think." "what you think." "ohmygod." "ohmygod." "oh my god, kelly." "oh my god, kelly." "jordan,i promiseyou jordan,i promiseyou it is not what you think." "it is not what you think." "ohmygod, ohmygod, if fucking hate you!" "if fucking hate you!" "i hate you both!" "i hate you both!" "[footsteps] [footsteps] youfuckingidiot, you didn't lock the door." "ithoughtilockedit!" "ithoughtilockedit!" "jordan,nothinghappened, jordan,nothinghappened, i swear!" "i swear!" "it was just a drug thing, it was just a drug thing, it wasn't anything, it wasn't anything, i swear to god!" "i swear to god!" "jordan!" "whatthefuck'sgoingon?" "chad,whatthathell, chad,whatthathell, get your hands off me, get your hands off me, my friend is pissed at me, my friend is pissed at me, get off of me." "get off of me." "no,let'stalk, no,let'stalk, let's go." "let's go." "lookhowredyou are ." "lookhowredyou are ." "you look retarded right now." "you look retarded right now." "firstofall, firstofall, get that fucking camera get that fucking camera out of my face." "out of my face." "alright,jesus." "alright,jesus." "youfuckedup , youfuckedup , these aren't your drugs, these aren't your drugs, they aren't my fucking drugs they aren't my fucking drugs either, but you're either, but you're one degree of separation" "one degree of separation from a gangster mother fucker from a gangster mother fucker with a gun who will with a gun who will shoot you in the head-- shoot you in the head-- jesuschrist,chad!" "jesuschrist,chad!" "do you really expect me do you really expect me to believe somebody's to believe somebody's going to murder me going to murder me because i lost some because i lost some prescription pills?" "prescription pills?" "prescriptionpills, prescriptionpills, what the fuck what the fuck are you talking about, kelly?" "are you talking about, kelly?" "thepillsin thecar ." "isthatwhatyou toldher she was picking up?" "she was picking up?" "dude,i don'tknow, dude,i don'tknow, i thought it'd be easier." "i thought it'd be easier." "whatthefuck, whatthefuck, what does that mean?" "what does that mean?" "dude,calmthefuckdown ." "dude,calmthefuckdown ." "josh,whatthefuck josh,whatthefuck does that mean?" "does that mean?" "ijust... ijust..." "what?" "what?" "youhave20 grand youhave20 grand of heroin in your trunk." "of heroin in your trunk." "heroin?" "heroin?" "what the fuck, what the fuck, you fucking asshole!" "you fucking asshole!" "loweryourvoice,stop." "loweryourvoice,stop." "no,i amnot no,i amnot going there alone, going there alone, you have to help me!" "you have to help me!" "i'mnotgoinganywhere i'mnotgoinganywhere near that car, near that car, i'm not the fucking mule, i'm not the fucking mule, you are." "you are." "you hand us the drugs you hand us the drugs and we hand you the money, and we hand you the money, that's how it works." "that's how it works." "until then, until then, you're on the hook for this, you're on the hook for this, you understand that?" "you understand that?" "kelly,justget kelly,justget the drugs back, okay?" "the drugs back, okay?" "and everything's and everything's gonna be alright." "gonna be alright." "just get 'em back." "just get 'em back." "okay." "whatthefuck,dude?" "[crying] [crying] [knocking] jordan!" "jordan!" "you'resuchafuckingpsycho, you'resuchafuckingpsycho, kelly, leave me alone!" "kelly, leave me alone!" "pleasecanyoulet mein, pleasecanyoulet mein, jordash!" "jordash!" "no,i havenothing no,i havenothing to say to you, so fuck off!" "to say to you, so fuck off!" "weneedto talkabout weneedto talkabout something really important something really important right now, jordan." "right now, jordan." "stopfilmingme !" "stopfilmingme !" "please,comeon ." "please,comeon ." "nothing happened, nothing happened, i swear to god, i swear to god, can we please talk about it." "[doors unlocking] [door slamming] i'm sorry jordan." "we were just making a fan video, we were just making a fan video, nothing happened, nothing happened, your boyfriend got all weird your boyfriend got all weird on me saying he jerks off on me saying he jerks off to my webcam and shit." "to my webcam and shit." "he's an asshole." "he's an asshole." "you deserve so much you deserve so much better than that." "better than that." "[sobbing] [sobbing] itoldyouthat." "itoldyouthat." "kelly,youshouldn't kelly,youshouldn't have done it." "have done it." "iknow." "iknow." "whatever, you have a crush whatever, you have a crush on ryan and i don't on ryan and i don't give a shit about that." "give a shit about that." "what!" "?" "what!" "?" "what does that have to what does that have to fucking do with anything, fucking do with anything, you are a slut, kelly, you are a slut, kelly, that's all, just admit that." "that's all, just admit that." "fine,i 'ma slut." "fine,i 'ma slut." "does that make you happy?" "[crying] theshitin my car theshitin my car is fucking heroin." "is fucking heroin." "if i don't get it back i'm dead." "if i don't get it back i'm dead." "ohmygodkelly, ohmygodkelly, i don't believe you." "i don't believe you." "idon'tcare idon'tcare if you don't believe me, if you don't believe me, oh my god, chad and josh are like totally setting me up right now." "setting me up right now." "please, please, could you just please, please, could you just drive me to troy's house drive me to troy's house so i can fucking get him so i can fucking get him to take me to staten island." "to take me to staten island." "idon'tfeelsorryforyou." "idon'tfeelsorryforyou." "idon'tneedyou  idon'tneedyou  to feel sorry for me, look." "to feel sorry for me, look." "i have drugs, i have drugs, you can have 'em." "you can have 'em." "where'dyougetthese?" "where'dyougetthese?" "fromthebathroom, fromthebathroom, matt fucking left 'em there matt fucking left 'em there 'cause he's an idiot." "'cause he's an idiot." "please." "please." "please take me to troy's house, please take me to troy's house, and you never have to and you never have to talk to me again, please, talk to me again, please, i have to get this shit" "i have to get this shit or i'm fucking dead." "or i'm fucking dead." "[blowingnose] [blowingnose] fine." "fine." "i'll take you to troy's i'll take you to troy's but that's it." "driving[ indistinct] getthelightout ofmyface." "getthelightout ofmyface." "i can't drive with it on." "i can't drive with it on." "jordan." "jordan." "kelly." "kelly." "woah,jordan, woah,jordan, you got a lot of matt's drugs you got a lot of matt's drugs right here." "right here." "what." "what." "there'sa lotof cocain." "there'sa lotof cocain." "okay." "okay." "openwide!" "openwide!" "iknow,i'msorry." "iknow,i'msorry." "[sniffing] [sniffing] [laughing] [laughing] i wanna do some." "i wanna do some." "kay." "kay." "then i wanna do some more." "fucking troy, he always picks up." "maybehe'snothome." "jordan." "jordan." "his car is right there." "his car is right there." "iknow,butthat iknow,butthat doesn't mean he's-- doesn't mean he's-- kelly." "kelly." "where are you going?" "where are you going?" "kelly." "kelly." "he'snotworking he'snotworking on my fucking website." "on my fucking website." "iknow,butthat-- iknow,butthat-- kelly!" "kelly!" "he's probably just out." "he's probably just out." "he'shere, he'shere, his fucking car's his fucking car's in the driveway." "iknow,butthatdoesn't mean he's here." "mean he's here." "jordan,justkeep jordan,justkeep filming me, okay?" "kelly,i don'tlike being back here." "being back here." "chillout." "chillout." "kelly." "kelly." "jordan." "jordan." "shut up." "shit." "ohshit." "ohshit." "troy'sfuckingtiffany." "troy'sfuckingtiffany." "kelly." "kelly." "[glass shattering] [glass shattering] ohmygod." "ohmygod." "[gasping] [gasping] [car beeping] [indistinctscreaming] [indistinctscreaming] holyshit holyshit he's coming after us." "he's coming after us." "[screaming] [screaming] kelly!" "kelly!" "i'm gonna fucking kill you, i'm gonna fucking kill you, you bitch!" "you bitch!" "[screaming] [screaming] [laughing] [laughing] ishestillthere, ishestillthere, is he still there, is he still there, is he still there?" "is he still there?" "no,he'sfucking, no,he'sfucking, he fucking fell, he fucking fell, he's such a dick." "he's such a dick." "ohmygodthatwascrazy ." "ohmygodthatwascrazy ." "[screams] [screams] oh my god." "oh my god." "jordan,jordan." "jordan,jordan." "did you get me breaking did you get me breaking the window?" "the window?" "yeah." "yeah." "oh my god." "i'venevercaughtaguy cheating on me, ever." "cheating on me, ever." "yeah." "yeah." "that's how it feels." "areyougonna hate me forever." "hate me forever." "idon'tknow, idon'tknow, i'm starving." "ithrewthatbrick for both of us." "for both of us." "fuck all those asshole boys fuck all those asshole boys who don't give a shit about us." "who don't give a shit about us." "kel,you'rebeing kel,you'rebeing so fucking fake right now." "so fucking fake right now." "noi 'mnot." "noi 'mnot." "yesyouare." "yesyouare." "i'mbeingforreal,jordan." "you're my best friend." "i'm in such deep shit." "fine." "finewhat?" "finewhat?" "finei 'lltakeyou finei 'lltakeyou to staten island." "to staten island." "shutup, shutup, you're best [indistinct] you're best [indistinct] are you serious?" "are you serious?" "yeah,i mean, yeah,i mean, do you even know where he is?" "do you even know where he is?" "yeah,yeah." "yeah,yeah." "brianna texted me, brianna texted me, they're out at some club." "they're out at some club." "ew." "ew." "yeah,ew." "yeah,ew." "oh my god, jordan." "oh my god, jordan." "dowehavemorecoke ?" "dowehavemorecoke ?" "dude." "dude." "we got a lot of coke." "we got a lot of coke." "that'sgood." "that'sgood." "iloveyoujordan." "what kind of liquor do you want?" "idon'tknow, idon'tknow, like something fruit, like something fruit, like raspberry." "like raspberry." "raspberry." "raspberry." "vodka, vodka, we're getting vodka." "we're getting vodka." "okay,vodka." "okay,vodka." "[turn signal clicking] [turn signal clicking] 15-- hurryupdude." "hurryupdude." "are you paki?" "are you paki?" "noi amnotpaki, noi amnotpaki, i am sikh, i am sikh, i am not pakistani, i am not pakistani, i am sikh." "i am sikh." "woah,areyou woah,areyou hiding something in here?" "hiding something in here?" "hiding?" "hiding?" "what are you talking about?" "what are you talking about?" "customer'salwaysright." "customer'salwaysright." "$15.20,please." "[laughing] jordan." "jordan." "yeah." "yeah." "thepakiin there thepakiin there was giving me was giving me such a fucking hassle." "such a fucking hassle." "why?" "why?" "hewaslike'no filming hewaslike'no filming in here, no camera, in here, no camera, i'm paranoid'." "i'm paranoid'." "i was like, i am the customer, i was like, i am the customer, i know best." "i know best." "yeah." "yeah." "in this country." "in this country." "yeah,yeah." "i think he's running some terrorist shit in there." "some terrorist shit in there." "wait,really?" "wait,really?" "kelly." "kelly." "this is gonna be this is gonna be a really fucking long trip." "a really fucking long trip." "iknow." "iknow." "i'mtakingsomeecstasy." "i'mtakingsomeecstasy." "fuckyeah." "fuckyeah." "ravetime!" "ravetime!" "it's8 :00!" "it's8 :00!" "igofirst,igo first." "igofirst,igo first." "wooo!" "wooo!" "yeah." "be easy on the booze, kelly." "that'sa bigone." "that'sa bigone." "chill out, i'm fine." "chill out, i'm fine." "[laughing] thisisavideo dedicated to matt." "dedicated to matt." "[laughing] [laughing] thankyouforyourdrugs." "thankyouforyourdrugs." "thankyouforyourdrugs." "thankyouforyourdrugs." "fuck you." "fuck you." "youhavealittledick ." "youhavealittledick ." "that's what jordan says." "that's what jordan says." "ohmygod,jordan, ohmygod,jordan, you just posted this?" "you just posted this?" "yeah,rightoutside yeah,rightoutside the liquor store." "the liquor store." "awesome." "awesome." "dude, matt is freaking out." "dude, matt is freaking out." "what'shesay?" "what'shesay?" "[laughing] [laughing] he says he needs the shit back he says he needs the shit back right away." "right away." "[laughing] [laughing] fuckyoumatt." "fuckyoumatt." "fuckyoumatt." "fuckyoumatt." "[laughing] [laughing] dick." "dick." "jordan, you're such jordan, you're such a badass 'cause a badass 'cause you're filming me... you're filming me..." "and you're driving and you're driving at the same time." "say something." "yousaysomething." "yousaysomething." "kelly." "kelly." "you say something." "mygod,thiswaterbottle feels so good on my face, feels so good on my face, jordan." "jordan." "[laughing] [laughing] thiswaterbottle thiswaterbottle feels good on my face." "feels good on my face." "[laughing] [laughing] rave this on your face." "i can't even follow this fucking beat, god." "fucking beat, god." "kelly,that'syourjob ." "kelly,that'syourjob ." "[laughing] [laughing] i just drive." "you'rethesmartone , jordan." "jordan." "you're the smart one." "you're the smart one." "wait." "wait." "what." "what." "justgoleft." "like, what do i do?" "justfuckinggo left." "justfuckinggo left." "just do it." "just do it." "just do it." "just do it." "[laughing] jordan,you'relike, so fucked up right now." "so fucked up right now." "jordan, fucking move back jordan, fucking move back in our lane!" "in our lane!" "jordan, what the fuck, jordan, what the fuck, what the fuck are you doing?" "what the fuck are you doing?" "[screams] [screams] [thudding] holy shit jordan." "i think i'm fine." "i think i'm fine." "are you fine?" "are you fine?" "yeah." "yeah." "no." "no." "holy shit." "holy shit." "holyshit." "holyshit." "we just got into an accident, we just got into an accident, and we're totally fine, and we're totally fine, 'cause rule." "and we're gonna figure something out." "figure something out." "right jordan!" "?" "right jordan!" "?" "holy fucking shit." "holy fucking shit." "fuck, where are we?" "dude." "fuck." "fuck." "we'relost." "we'relost." "fuck." "fuck." "oh my god." "oh my god." "oh my god." "oh my god." "what am i gonna do, my dad, what am i gonna do, my dad, he's gonna fucking kill me." "he's gonna fucking kill me." "[laughing] [laughing] this is a good picture." "this is a good picture." "it'snotfunnykelly." "it'snotfunnykelly." "yo." "yo." "can you give me a recap?" "can you give me a recap?" "fuckoff!" "fuckoff!" "jordan." "i don't know if i got everything recorded on my phone." "recorded on my phone." "tell me how you tell me how you crashed the car." "crashed the car." "jordan,thisis so-- jordan,thisis so-- tellmehowyou crashedit." "tellmehowyou crashedit." "fuck,jordan." "fuck,jordan." "we gotta figure this shit out." "we gotta figure this shit out." "we gotta figure out we gotta figure out how we're getting to how we're getting to fucking staten island." "fucking staten island." "ohmygod, ohmygod, fuck staten island, kelly, fuck staten island, kelly, fucking your fucking camera, fucking your fucking camera, fuck everything!" "fuck everything!" "jordan,comeon , jordan,comeon , get it together, get it together, we are in this!" "we are in this!" "we've come so far, we've come so far, come on jordan." "come on jordan." "chill, i'm gonna chill, i'm gonna figure this out." "figure this out." "whatamigonnado?" "!" "whatamigonnado?" "!" "what am i gonna do?" "what am i gonna do?" "[laughing] [laughing] you sound like a banshee." "you sound like a banshee." "jordan, chill out." "jordan, chill out." "[indistinctsquealing] [indistinctsquealing] [laughing] [laughing] goaway!" "goaway!" "holyshit,jordan!" "holyshit,jordan!" "what?" "what?" "fuckingpoobare." "fuckingpoobare." "what?" "what?" "he'smybiggestfan , he'smybiggestfan , he's a fucking cop." "he's a fucking cop." "what?" "what?" "yeah!" "yeah!" "he's a state trooper guy he's a state trooper guy from newberg!" "from newberg!" "that's not that far!" "that's not that far!" "i'm gonna call him." "i'm gonna call him." "youhavehisphonenumber?" "yeah,hetextsme all the time, all the time, and he sends me like, and he sends me like, cheesy necklaces and shit." "cheesy necklaces and shit." "ew." "can you..." "no, that's not him no, that's not him i don't think." "i don't think." "is, well, oh." "is, well, oh." "no." "no." "fuck, kelly." "fuck, kelly." "jordan,he'slike, jordan,he'slike, in love with me, in love with me, he's my number one fan." "he's my number one fan." "he tips me the most." "he tips me the most." "kelly,we'regonnabe kelly,we'regonnabe out here all fucking night." "out here all fucking night." "like, what if he's not-- like, what if he's not-- chillout." "chillout." "whatifhe 'slikeapsycho whatifhe 'slikeapsycho killer and he's not a cop." "killer and he's not a cop." "ohmygod." "ohmygod." "you'venevermethim ." "whywouldhe lieabout being a cop?" "being a cop?" "that's not even a very good job." "that's not even a very good job." "yeah." "yeah." "he'stotallyacop ." "he'stotallyacop ." "and he totally loves me, and he totally loves me, so calm down, so calm down, we're gonna be fine." "we're gonna be fine." "i hope this was a good idea." "i hope this was a good idea." "oh, shit, he's coming." "oh, shit, he's coming." "film me." "film me." "doyouknowwhathe doyouknowwhathe looks like?" "looks like?" "no." "oh my god, i'm nervous, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh shit, okay." "[crickets chirping] is that you poo bare?" "kelly?" "yeah!" "yeah!" "oh my god." "oh my god." "woah." "woah." "ohmygod, ohmygod, i can't believe it's you." "i can't believe it's you." "ican'tseeyourface ." "ican'tseeyourface ." "woah." "woah." "wow,youlookgreat." "wow,youlookgreat." "wow." "wow." "[laughing] [laughing] well duh." "well,i 'msure,imean, you always look great." "you always look great." "ican'tbelieve ican'tbelieve you're not fat." "you're not fat." "thanks,yeah, thanks,yeah, i'm not, i'm not fat." "i'm not, i'm not fat." "holy." "holy." "youthoughtiwas fat ?" "youthoughtiwas fat ?" "holyshit." "holyshit." "who'sthis?" "who'sthis?" "that's my biffo, jordan." "that's my biffo, jordan." "hey." "hey." "hi." "hi." "duh." "duh." "ican'tbelieve,idon'tknow ican'tbelieve,idon'tknow what the hell i'm doing here." "what the hell i'm doing here." "this is insane." "this is insane." "ohmygod, ohmygod, thank you so much for coming, thank you so much for coming, you're like, you're like, saving my life right now!" "saving my life right now!" "hey,yougotta hey,yougotta put that phone down, sweetie, put that phone down, sweetie, you can't be filming me you can't be filming me with that phone." "with that phone." "no, you gotta put it down, now." "jordan." "it's poo bare, in the flesh." "it's poo bare, in the flesh." "in the flesh." "oh my god." "you'renotdrivinganywhere in that thing tonight." "in that thing tonight." "aw,no." "aw,no." "ohno,it 'sdone." "ikindof needyou  to help us out." "to help us out." "you know what i mean?" "you know what i mean?" "the car was stolen." "the car was stolen." "thiscar-- thiscar-- yeahyeahyeah." "yeahyeahyeah." "the car was stolen, the car was stolen, we're not here right now." "we're not here right now." "noway,no way, noway,no way, i can't do that, i can't do that, kelly, i'm-- kelly, i'm-- youwannaparty youwannaparty with king kelly tonight?" "[laughing] okay, shit, get in my car, let's go-- let's go-- [cheering] [cheering] shhh,shh,comeon." "shhh,shh,comeon." "stop filming me." "stop filming me." "come on." "come on." "you'remyknight you'remyknight in shining armor, poo bare." "in shining armor, poo bare." "putthephonedown putthephonedown and get in the-- and get in the-- ohmygodwe'reriding ohmygodwe'reriding in the state trooper car." "in the state trooper car." "getinthecar ,comeon." "getinthecar ,comeon." "ohmygod,poo bare!" "ohmygod,poo bare!" "[laughing] [laughing] woo!" "jordan where are you?" "i can't see you back there." "i can't see you back there." "waitwait,i'llturnonthe--  waitwait,i'llturnonthe--  yeah!" "yeah!" "[laughing] what kind of music you got goin' on here?" "you got goin' on here?" "uh,yeah." "uh,yeah." "idon'tevenknowwhat  idon'tevenknowwhat  any of these bands are." "any of these bands are." "playitplayit." "playitplayit." "murderclock." "murderclock." "â™ª music oh yeah!" "oh yeah!" "oh yeah!" "oh yeah!" "[indistinct] [indistinct] this,this,alright, this,this,alright, that's enough." "that's enough." "[music stops] that you're not gonna show these videos to anyone." "show these videos to anyone." "alright?" "alright?" "justouronlinefriends." "justouronlinefriends." "no,noway." "no,noway." "no, not online." "no, not online." "no way." "what are you playing with back there, sweetie?" "back there, sweetie?" "[giggling] [giggling] poobare." "poobare." "yeah." "yeah." "putyour putyour state trooper hat on." "state trooper hat on." "no,no,ican 't." "no,no,ican 't." "i don't wear that in the car." "i don't wear that in the car." "i just wear that i just wear that when i'm outside." "when i'm outside." "sorry." "sorry." "youlookgood youlookgood with your hat on, poo bare." "with your hat on, poo bare." "ido?" "ido?" "heh." "heh." "look, i'm just gonna look, i'm just gonna drop you off at the club drop you off at the club and then i have to go." "and then i have to go." "no,poobare, no,poobare, you have to stay and party you have to stay and party with us." "with us." "no,i 'monduty no,i 'monduty for another hour, so." "wellwe'lltotally wait for you." "wait for you." "yeah!" "yeah!" "comeon,you'rehangingout comeon,you'rehangingout with king kelly tonight." "with king kelly tonight." "yeah." "yeah." "thisisahugedeal ." "thisisahugedeal ." "you're gonna make you're gonna make all the fanboys go nuts." "all the fanboys go nuts." "yeah." "yeah." "[laughing] [laughing] comeon,poobear." "comeon,poobear." "don't you wanna hang out don't you wanna hang out with the king?" "with the king?" "[laughing] [laughing] it's the 4th of july." "it's the 4th of july." "and this is king kelly." "and this is king kelly." "reporting from poo bears reporting from poo bears state trooper car." "state trooper car." "happy 4th of july." "[onradio]we got a possible 41, a possible 41, hit and run abandoned vehicle, hit and run abandoned vehicle, down in spring ridge." "down in spring ridge." "barker, do you copy?" "barker, do you copy?" "shit." "shit." "holyshit, holyshit, is that jordan's car?" "is that jordan's car?" "shit." "shit." "whatdidhe say?" "bequiet,be quiet." "i gotta take this." "i gotta take this." "shut up." "shut up." "hey tommy, hey tommy, this is barker, i copy." "[onradio]what'syour location?" "location?" "currentlyheadedsouth currentlyheadedsouth on route 27, on route 27, just past columbus." "just past columbus." "pullinginto22 now, pullinginto22 now, look up ahead for me look up ahead for me in the medium." "in the medium." "copythat,isee yourlights." "copythat,isee yourlights." "oh shit." "oh shit." "fuck." "fuck." "shit." "shit." "shit shit." "shit shit." "poobare, poobare, what is that number?" "what is that number?" "the 4-whatever number?" "the 4-whatever number?" "what does that mean?" "what does that mean?" "justshutup , justshutup , i gotta think, i gotta think, okay, kelly, okay, kelly, get in the back seat, get in the back seat, okay, come on." "okay, come on." "get in the back seat." "get in the back seat." "why?" "why?" "justcomeon ,hurryup." "justcomeon ,hurryup." "i gotta pull over here." "i gotta pull over here." "alright,holdthis." "alright,holdthis." "getbackthere,comeon." "getbackthere,comeon." "ooh,smackmy ass ooh,smackmy ass some more." "some more." "[laughing] [laughing] oh my god." "justkeepyourheadsdown , don't make a fucking peep." "don't make a fucking peep." "poobare,wheredoyou poobare,wheredoyou want me to put my head?" "want me to put my head?" "downthere." "downthere." "turn the fucking cameras off, turn the fucking cameras off, this is not a joke now." "this is not a joke now." "soserious." "soserious." "thisisserious, thisisserious, turn the light off, turn the light off, turn the light off." "turn the light off." "okay,justturnitoff." "okay,justturnitoff." "okay." "okay." "otherwisei can'tseeyou ." "heythere,tommy, what you got, what you got, abandoned vehicle?" "abandoned vehicle?" "yeah,lookslike yeah,lookslike a one car crash, a one car crash, accept the driver accept the driver seemed to disappear seemed to disappear into thin fucking air." "into thin fucking air." "huh." "huh." "someoldladycalledup someoldladycalledup said she saw two hookers on said she saw two hookers on the side of the road up there." "the side of the road up there." "ohyeah." "shewastooafraidtogetout." "just advising you just advising you of the situation and keep of the situation and keep your eyes peeled for hookers." "your eyes peeled for hookers." "willdotom,willdo." "willdotom,willdo." "alrightthen,goodwork." "alrightthen,goodwork." "alrighttom." "alrighttom." "[snickering] [snickering] shh." "poobare,wasthat your commanding officer?" "your commanding officer?" "yes." "yes." "shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, we're not done, stay down." "we're not done, stay down." "shh." "shh." "dude,you'relikejedi dude,you'relikejedi knight mind tricking hot guy." "knight mind tricking hot guy." "ican'tbelievethatworked, ican'tbelievethatworked, i can't believe i can't believe that fucking worked." "that fucking worked." "thisisgoodthoughright, thisisgoodthoughright, like, no one knows like, no one knows i crashed it right?" "i crashed it right?" "yeah,right, nobody knows it's jordans, right poo bare?" "right poo bare?" "yeah,i thinkyou're yeah,i thinkyou're in the free and clear." "in the free and clear." "yes!" "yes!" "oh my god." "aslongas no onetracksdown  those two hookers." "those two hookers." "[laughing] [laughing] whatthefuck,poo bare, whatthefuck,poo bare, you know, your you know, your commanding officer's a dick." "could have thrown us all in jail." "all in jail." "iknow,andyou savedus." "iknow,andyou savedus." "you saved the night." "you saved the night." "poo bare." "poo bare." "thankyoupoobare." "thankyoupoobare." "myhero." "myhero." "seriously." "seriously." "jordan." "do you think we should give poo bare some honey?" "poo bare some honey?" "ohyeah,poobare, ohyeah,poobare, let us thank you, let us thank you, we have drugs." "we have drugs." "yeah!" "yeah!" "holyshit,no , holyshit,no , no, no, no, no." "no, no, no, no." "yousavedourlives." "yousavedourlives." "comeon, comeon, no drugs in the cruiser, no drugs in the cruiser, come on, you know how much come on, you know how much trouble i'll get in?" "back here, it's okay." "showuswhatabadass showuswhatabadass you are and do some coke you are and do some coke in your state trooper car." "in your state trooper car." "yeah,it'llhelpyou  yeah,it'llhelpyou  work better." "work better." "what?" "what?" "yeah,yeah, yeah,yeah, it'll make you more alert." "it'll make you more alert." "right." "right." "yeah." "yeah." "bethebadassthatyouare." "bethebadassthatyouare." "alright,onelineofcoke ." "alright,onelineofcoke ." "yay!" "yay!" "poo bare!" "poo bare!" "oh my god, poo bare, oh my god, poo bare, we love you!" "we love you!" "okay,comeon , okay,comeon , be careful." "be careful." "weloveyou,seriously." "weloveyou,seriously." "god,you'reso  god,you'reso  hot right now." "hot right now." "really really." "really really." "poobarelikeshoney." "poobarelikeshoney." "yeah,goodone!" "yeah,goodone!" "[laughing] [laughing] hail,hail,statepolice!" "hail,hail,statepolice!" "hail,hail,statepolice!" "hail,hail,statepolice!" "kingoftheroad kingoftheroad come follow me." "come follow me." "kingoftheroad kingoftheroad come follow me." "come follow me." "nothinginthis nothinginthis world is free." "world is free." "nothinginthis nothinginthis world is free." "world is free." "atrooper'slife atrooper'slife was made for me." "was made for me." "atrooperlife atrooperlife was made for me." "was made for me." "[laughing] [laughing] yea!" "yea!" "that'sgood,right, that'sgood,right, that's good." "that's good." "that'ssohot." "that'ssohot." "bestsongever,poo bare." "bestsongever,poo bare." "â™ª music filma statetrooper filma statetrooper doing coke." "doing coke." "oh,nono , oh,nono , don't film you can't film that, don't film you can't film that, don't film that." "don't film that." "okay." "okay." "[sniffing] you guys turn that strobe light off, okay?" "strobe light off, okay?" "[laughing] [laughing] chad'sa fuckingpsycho." "chad'sa fuckingpsycho." "when did he send this?" "when did he send this?" "idon'tknow, idon'tknow, but he sent me like, 12." "but he sent me like, 12." "he'sjusttryingtoscareme." "he'sjusttryingtoscareme." "why is he texting me?" "why is he texting me?" "outta my hands, outta my hands, what the fuck does that mean?" "what the fuck does that mean?" "poo bare?" "poo bare?" "how far away are we?" "[sniffing] thisplaceis ashit-hole." "oh,it'srightuphere ." "oh,it'srightuphere ." "it'srighthere?" "it'srighthere?" "yeah." "yeah." "rightuphere." "rightuphere." "yeah,makearight." "yeah,makearight." "oohryan." "oohryan." "nice one." "nice one." "kelly, kelly kelly." "kelly, kelly kelly." "oh,fuck, oh,fuck, there's my car." "there's my car." "park park, hurry up park park, hurry up poo bare, park, poo bare, park, it's the red one." "it's the red one." "righthere?" "righthere?" "yeahyeahyeah, yeahyeahyeah, hurry hurry." "whatthefuck." "what?" "what?" "woah." "woah." "thatfuckingdick." "thatfuckingdick." "what?" "what?" "theshitis notthere." "theshitis notthere." "wait,what'snotthere?" "wait,what'snotthere?" "nothing,justsomething nothing,justsomething i fucking need, okay?" "i fucking need, okay?" "oh,jesus, oh,jesus, maybe i don't wanna know." "maybe i don't wanna know." "whatarewe gonnado." "whatarewe gonnado." "poobare." "poobare." "you gotta go in there like you gotta go in there like you're gonna arrest him, you're gonna arrest him, grand theft fucking auto." "grand theft fucking auto." "kelly,lookat how kelly,lookat how i'm dressed." "i'm dressed." "yougottado it ." "yougottado it ." "whatthehell in staten island [indistinct] jordan,yougotta jordan,yougotta go in there." "go in there." "what,me?" "yeah,yougottagointhere ." "whyme?" "whyme?" "becauseryanlovesyou  becauseryanlovesyou  because you're all sweet because you're all sweet and innocent-- kellyi wouldn'teven know what to say-- know what to say-- idon'tknowjust" "idon'tknowjust make something up please." "make something up please." "you know how badly you know how badly i need this package." "i need this package." "jordan." "jordan." "jordan." "jordan." "you can do this." "you can do this." "you can do it." "you can do it." "fuck." "thisisallryan's fucking fault." "fucking fault." "if he didn't steal my car if he didn't steal my car none of this shit none of this shit would be happening would be happening right now." "right now." "[sniffing] [sniffing] poo bare." "poo bare." "ifeelallbuzzyrightnow." "ifeelallbuzzyrightnow." "poobare." "poobare." "you gotta help me." "you gotta help me." "you have to scare ryan you have to scare ryan so he'll tell me so he'll tell me where the package is." "where the package is." "whatthehellwas  whatthehellwas  in that package anyway?" "in that package anyway?" "comeon,tellme?" "comeon,tellme?" "it'sprettybad." "it'sprettybad." "no,no,listen." "no,no,listen." "i'm not going any further i'm not going any further into this unless you tell me into this unless you tell me what you were looking for what you were looking for in the trunk." "it'sjustlike, allergy inhalers allergy inhalers and boner pills and shit." "and boner pills and shit." "i didn't even know i didn't even know that that's what it was." "that that's what it was." "shit,that'sbad." "poobare." "i gotta get it back, okay?" "i gotta get it back, okay?" "please can you help me?" "ifi dothis..." "i want you to do something i want you to do something for me in return." "for me in return." "what?" "what?" "iwantyoutofuck me." "iwantyoutofuck me." "i wanna fuck king kelly tonight." "i wanna fuck king kelly tonight." "i'm sorry to say it like that." "i'm sorry to say it like that." "but i really want to." "yeah." "okay, i'll fuck you." "just help me get my just help me get my package back and i'll do package back and i'll do whatever you want." "shit, poo bare, go!" "fucking, let's go [indistinct] fucking, let's go [indistinct] yeah!" "yeah!" "oh, shit." "oh, shit." "scare him." "scare him." "kick his ass." "kick his ass." "getdownon theground." "getdownon theground." "woah,woah,woah." "woah,woah,woah." "hithim,poobare!" "hithim,poobare!" "[indistinct] [indistinct] stop resisting." "stop resisting." "[screaming] [screaming] you'reunderarrestasshole, you'reunderarrestasshole, where are the drugs, tell me where the drugs are." "idon'tknow what you're talking about." "where'schad'spackage?" "where'schad'spackage?" "whatthefuck,you are  whatthefuck,you are  a fucking psycho bitch, kelly." "a fucking psycho bitch, kelly." "you'rea dick!" "you'rea dick!" "youshowsomefuckingrespect." "youshowsomefuckingrespect." "howdoyoufeelnow, ryan ." "howdoyoufeelnow, ryan ." "how do you feel now?" "how do you feel now?" "they'regonnalockyou  they'regonnalockyou  in fucking sing-sing asshole." "in fucking sing-sing asshole." "that's felony possession, that's felony possession, is that what you want?" "is that what you want?" "you have exactly 2 seconds you have exactly 2 seconds to tell me where to tell me where that package is, 1- they're kelly's drugs." "2-3- 2-3- ah,okay, ah,okay, okay." "they're in my dad's garage, but they're kelly's drugs." "but they're kelly's drugs." "you should be arresting her." "you should be arresting her." "stoptalking." "stoptalking." "[indistinct chatter] [indistinct chatter] you'd better hope you're telling the truth or i'm going ransacking your daddy's dude,howcanyou legally do that?" "icando whateveriwant , asshole." "asshole." "yeah,hecando whatever he fucking wants." "pose." "pose." "pose for me, poo bare." "pose for me, poo bare." "areyouserious?" "areyouserious?" "this is going on facebook." "this is going on facebook." "shutup." "shutup." "hey." "thisisgoingeverywhere, dick!" "dick!" "getinthecar ." "getinthecar ." "arresthim!" "arresthim!" "i'mgonnathump i'mgonnathump your fucking skull, asshole." "your fucking skull, asshole." "jordan!" "jordan!" "fixthis,please." "fixthis,please." "getinmy car." "is that more coke?" "no,it'sketamine." "oh,it'sgonnabe one of those nights." "whydidn'tyoutellme you were gonna" "You were gonna do that to ryan?" "Do that to ryan?" "'causei didn'tknow." "'causei didn'tknow." "poo bare went all overboard." "thatwasfuckedup,  kelly." "Kelly." "whatever, whatever, ryan deserves it." "Ryan deserves it." "whatever,nohe doesn't." "whatever,nohe doesn't." "and you probably just ruined" "And you probably just ruined my friendship with ryan." "My friendship with ryan." "whosesideareyou on,  whosesideareyou on,  jordan?" "Jordan?" "whatever." "whatever." "where are we going," "Where are we going, anyway?" "Anyway?" "thegasstation." "whereare..." "what are we doing here?" "What are we doing here?" "poobaresaysheneedsgas," "But i think he wants to buy condoms." "you'renotreallygonna fuck the cop, are you?" "Fuck the cop, are you?" "no." "no." "i don't konw." "I don't konw." "i mean he's kind of cute." "I mean he's kind of cute." "you don't think so?" "You don't think so?" "i'm gonna go get a diet coke." "I'm gonna go get a diet coke." "you want anything?" "You want anything?" "no,i wantasmoke." "youshouldn'tsmoke, sweetie." "Sweetie." "those things'll kill you." "dick." "Are you okay?" "whatthefuckdoyouthink , whatthefuckdoyouthink , jordan?" "Jordan?" "i'msosorryryan." "i'msosorryryan." "i had no idea they were" "I had no idea they were gonna do this to you." "Gonna do this to you." "jordan,openthisdoor." "jordan,openthisdoor." "what?" "what?" "ineedsomeair ." "ineedsomeair ." "it's hot and it's" "It's hot and it's stifling in here." "Stifling in here." "can you open the door" "Can you open the door just for a second," "Just for a second, i need some air." "I need some air." "uhh... uhh..." "ifeellikei'm suffocating, ifeellikei'm suffocating, jordan." "Jordan." "uhh... uhh..." "please?" "Just real quick." "okay,justforasecond." "okay,justforasecond." "yeah, yeah, just for a little bit." "Just for a little bit." "justforasecond, justforasecond, just like, a little bit." "Just like, a little bit." "thanksjordan!" "thanksjordan!" "wait,ryan,ryan, wait,ryan,ryan, you have to come back, ryan!" "hotandbeefy." "[laughing] [laughing] fucking kidding me?" "[laughing] whatthefuck?" "whatthefuck?" "fuck!" "fuck!" "holyshit." "holyshit." "which way did he go?" "Which way did he go?" "jordan, jordan, you retarded moron!" "You retarded moron!" "oh my god, no, no," "Oh my god, no, no, i'm coming with you." "I'm coming with you." "i'm coming with you poo bare." "I'm coming with you poo bare." "we gotta get him." "Poo bare, we gotta catch his fucking scrawny ass," "His fucking scrawny ass, let's go." "Let's go." "holy shit." "Holy shit." "poo bare." "Poo bare." "oh my god, this is awesome." "Oh my god, this is awesome." "this is like that show cops," "This is like that show cops, this is always how it goes." "This is always how it goes." "oh my god, poo bare." "Oh my god, poo bare." "this is so hot." "This is so hot." "[laughing] [laughing] oh shit." "where'dtheskinnykid  with the handcuffs go?" "With the handcuffs go?" "oh,man, oh,man, i don't know-- comeon,iknowyou fucking saw him." "Fucking saw him." "yeah,man,sorry." "yeah,man,sorry." "areyoutwoassholes areyoutwoassholes trying to get yourselves" "Trying to get yourselves arrested right now?" "Arrested right now?" "i swear to fucking god" "I swear to fucking god-- especiallysinceyoubrought especiallysinceyoubrought your deputy out here with you." "Your deputy out here with you." "heybecky." "heybecky." "oh,shit,therehegoes !" "oh,shit,therehegoes !" "[indistinct shouting] [indistinct shouting] yeah!" "Yeah!" "poo bare, hurry hurry," "Poo bare, hurry hurry, we gotta fucking get him." "We gotta fucking get him." "no,thisis adeadend." "no,thisis adeadend." "i'm gonna fuck him up," "I'm gonna fuck him up, you want me to fuck him up?" "You want me to fuck him up?" "yeah,baby." "yeah,baby." "i'mgonnafuckhim up." "i'mgonnafuckhim up." "let's go." "yeah!" "poo bare!" "I'm like your hot assistant!" "yeah." "likeyoursidekick." "checkoverthere." "checkoverthere." "whereishe ?" "whereishe ?" "therehisis ." "therehisis ." "come out here," "Come out here, mother fucker." "Mother fucker." "you get your ass" "You get your ass out here right now!" "Out here right now!" "getawayfromme!" "getawayfromme!" "[indistinct shouting] [indistinct shouting] ow!" "ow!" "ohshit." "whatthefuckisthematter with you people?" "!" "With you people?" "!" "checkthisout,baby." "checkthisout,baby." "[buzzing] [buzzing] oh,no,no ,no ,don't." "oh,no,no ,no ,don't." "don't, don't, don't." "Don't, don't, don't." "comehere." "comehere." "argh!" "argh!" "[buzzing] [buzzing] ahh." "Please, no." "getup." "getup." "[groaning] [groaning] ohh,ryan." "ohh,ryan." "how'sthatfeel?" "how'sthatfeel?" "trophyshot." "trophyshot." "[laughing] [laughing] smile." "smile." "hey,youreally hey,youreally look like shit, ryan." "Look like shit, ryan." "that's what happens" "That's what happens when you mess with the king." "When you mess with the king." "don'tfuckwiththe king." "don'tfuckwiththe king." "yeah." "yeah." "ree-errr-ree-err." "What'cha doin', jordash?" "that's a lot of k." "That's a lot of k." "jordan." "Jordan." "you'd better be careful." "Jordash." "That a boy, poo bare." "yeah." "Yeah." "wanna be marine." "Woah." "exorcist." "Exorcist." "jordan." "Jordan." "you're fucked up right now." "Hey, did you let ryan out on the car on purpose?" "Out on the car on purpose?" "i won't care if you did." "Whatever." "i don't want ryan here" "I don't want ryan here anymore either." "Anymore either." "he's making poo bare" "He's making poo bare all weird and paranoid." "All weird and paranoid." "weshouldjustgo, kelly." "oh,yes,he 'scoming." "see, i told you." "Yes!" "that's totally it." "That's totally it." "shh." "Shh." "oh my god." "Oh my god." "kelly,i 'mdone-- kelly,i 'mdone-- you'renotdonewithshit ." "you'renotdonewithshit ." "wait,poobare,poo bare, wait,poobare,poo bare, why are you taking ryan?" "Why are you taking ryan?" "whyareyoutakingme?" "whyareyoutakingme?" "no,i don'ttrust no,i don'ttrust this little fucker," "This little fucker, alright?" "Alright?" "he's coming with us." "He's coming with us." "hey, let's party." "Hey, let's party." "get in your car," "Get in your car, follow me." "Follow me." "igotmy drugs, igotmy drugs, i got my drugs." "I got my drugs." "jordan." "Jordan." "drugs, in my possession." "Drugs, in my possession." "party time." "Party time." "ree-errr-ree-err" "Ree-errr-ree-err ree-errr-ree-err." "Dude, jordan." "jordan, wake up." "Jordan, wake up." "i don't wanna party" "I don't wanna party with poo bare alone." "With poo bare alone." "he's a freaking weirdo." "Ultimate fan video." "it's about to happen." "getup." "Fine, i'll get you up." "got a key?" "Got a key?" "yeah." "yeah." "whatroom?" "whatroom?" "115." "115." "115." "115." "goodone,poobare." "Jordan, where are you going?" "we gotta go that way!" "We gotta go that way!" "115!" "Classy joint, poo bare." "whatamidoinghere ?" "[door slamming] [door slamming] jordan, are you okay?" "Jordan, are you okay?" "thisway,sweetie." "thisway,sweetie." "there you go." "There you go." "come on, let's do this." "Come on, let's do this." "let'sdoit ." "let'sdoit ." "you bring the blow?" "You bring the blow?" "checkthisout." "checkthisout." "youguysarefuckinggross." "youguysarefuckinggross." "oh,thatis so fuckinghot ." "oh,thatis so fuckinghot ." "you are so fucking hot." "You are so fucking hot." "thisisfuckingkidnapping." "thisisfuckingkidnapping." "shutup." "shutup." "[laughing] [laughing] whoareyou, whoareyou, you're not a real cop." "You're not a real cop." "listen." "You keep your mouth shut, i'll set you free in an hour," "I'll set you free in an hour, but you keep acting" "But you keep acting like a tough guy," "And i'm gonna run you in for stealing kelly's car," "For stealing kelly's car, it's up to you." "It's up to you." "it'smycar, it'smycar, it's under my name." "It's under my name." "noit'snot,it'smycar!" "noit'snot,it'smycar!" "youfuckingpsychobitch-- youfuckingpsychobitch-- hey!" "You show a little fucking respect!" "Fucking respect!" "i'm gonna make you" "I'm gonna make you puke shit, buddy." "Puke shit, buddy." "[thudding] [thudding] shit!" "shit!" "[gasping] [gasping] itoldyoutoshut up, itoldyoutoshut up, i am not fucking around!" "I am not fucking around!" "just kidding." "Just kidding." "that's a good video, huh?" "That's a good video, huh?" "that's a good video." "shit,poobare." "justkidding." "justkidding." "let's do this." "Let's do this." "puthimin thebathroom." "Do your state trooper song for me, poo bare." "For me, poo bare." "mystatetroopersong?" "mystatetroopersong?" "yeah,doit ," "Do your state trooper song." "[sniffing] [sniffing] hail, hail, state police!" "Hail, hail, state police!" "hail,hail,statepolice!" "hail,hail,statepolice!" "kingoftheroad kingoftheroad come follow me." "Come follow me." "kingoftheroad kingoftheroad come follow me." "Come follow me." "nothinginthisworld nothinginthisworld is free." "Is free." "nothinginthisworldisfree." "nothinginthisworldisfree." "atrooper'slife atrooper'slife was made for me." "Was made for me." "atrooperlife atrooperlife was made for me." "Was made for me." "ryan's okay, right?" "Ryan's okay, right?" "yeah,he'sfine, yeah,he'sfine, just broke his nose." "jordan." "jordan." "Jordan." "[indistinct] [indistinct] oh my god," "Oh my god, you're so fucked up." "You're so fucked up." "jordan." "Jordan." "help me." "Help me." "jordan, you gotta help me." "Jordan, you gotta help me." "jordan, jordan." "Jordan, jordan." "put the fucking camera" "Jordan." "jordan." "Jordan." "[thudding] [thudding] woah." "stripforme ." "[laughing] so fucking hot, baby." "So fucking hot, baby." "come on, dance." "Come on, dance." "dance for me." "Yeah." "yeah." "Yeah." "i love it when you dance." "I love it when you dance." "icankeepdancingforyou." "icankeepdancingforyou." "yeah?" "yeah?" "yeah." "yeah." "no,takemy pantsoff ." "let'sjustgetonthebed." "Come on, poo bare." "suckmycock." "Come on." "take off your bra." "giveitto me ." "give it to me." "Give it to me." "no." "no." "i wanna film you." "i'mfilmingyou, poo bare." "Poo bare." "yeah." "Yeah." "yeah, let me film you." "Yeah, let me film you." "yeah,filmme baby." "yeah,filmme baby." "yeah." "jordan." "jordan." "Jordan." "jordan." "Jordan." "jordan." "Jordan." "jordan, wake up." "Jordan, wake up." "look at me." "Look at me." "jordan." "Jordan." "you have to help me." "You have to help me." "jordan, you have to unlock me." "Jordan, you have to unlock me." "please, unlock me." "Please, unlock me." "we have to get out of here." "We have to get out of here." "i think that cop is gonna" "I think that cop is gonna try to kill me." "[groaning] [moaning] [moaning] yeah." "shhh,shh." "i think he's hurting her." "I think he's hurting her." "jordan,getthosekeys." "jordan,getthosekeys." "they're on the belt right there." "They're on the belt right there." "alright." "alright." "good, good." "[indistinctwhispering] putthemin my hand." "putthemin my hand." "okay, great." "Okay, great." "okay." "Okay." "i'm gonna get" "I'm gonna get out of these cuffs." "Out of these cuffs." "i'm gonna get" "I'm gonna get out of these cuffs." "Out of these cuffs." "he'scomingforus." "he'scomingforus." "okay,okay,okay." "okay,okay,okay." "we're okay, we're okay." "Alright." "he'sgonnakillus." "oh,fuck." "fuck, you," "Fuck, you, you're so fucking hot." "You're so fucking hot." "i'm gonna come." "Baby, i'm gonna fucking come in you." "Come in you." "i'm gonna fucking come." "I'm gonna fucking come." "[gunshot] [gunshot] ohshit!" "ohshit!" "oh my god, ryan," "Oh my god, ryan, you shot him!" "You shot him!" "it'snotmy fault!" "it'snotmy fault!" "[indistinct screaming] [indistinct screaming] this is not my fault!" "This is not my fault!" "[screaming] [screaming] jordan,wegotta jordan,wegotta get out of here!" "Get out of here!" "get in the car," "Get in the car, i'll meet you at the car." "I'll meet you at the car." "fuck, fuck, i gotta" "Fuck, fuck, i gotta get dressed, shit!" "[coughing] poobare,igottago." "don't tell anybody about this," "Don't tell anybody about this, okay?" "Okay?" "just make something up." "okay." "Kelly." "he'sreally fucking bleeding jordan." "Fucking bleeding jordan." "whatarewe gonnado?" "whatarewe gonnado?" "idon'tknow." "idon'tknow." "i don't know." "I don't know." "i don't know." "I don't know." "kelly,wehavetofind ryan , kelly,wehavetofind ryan , he just ran off." "Kelly, we have to get out of here now." "Out of here now." "okay." "okay." "justdrive." "justdrive." "yeah,okay." "yeah,okay." "fine." "Fine." "ohmygod." "ohmygod." "ryan!" "ryan!" "what the fuck are you doing," "What the fuck are you doing, get in the car!" "Get in the car!" "ryan,wewanttohelp you!" "ryan,wewanttohelp you!" "goaway!" "goaway!" "please,getin thecar !" "please,getin thecar !" "getthefuckawayfrom me!" "getthefuckawayfrom me!" "kelly,stopthecar , kelly,stopthecar , stop the car." "Stop the car." "ryanareyoucrazy, ryanareyoucrazy, you're in the middle" "You're in the middle of the ghetto!" "stopthefuckingcar !" "ohmygod," "Are you seriously gonna ride in that thing?" "Gonna ride in that thing?" "jordan!" "Jordan, get in the fucking car." "[screaming] [screaming] jordan, jordan, you're embarrassing yourself." "You're embarrassing yourself." "get in the car, jordan." "Get in the car, jordan." "get in here!" "Get in here!" "ryan!" "ryan!" "jordan!" "jordan!" "i'm not coming after you!" "You gotta be fucking kidding me." "Dang, i'm so lost right now." "i gotta figure this out." "I gotta figure this out." "[sighs] [sighs] fuck." "Jordan left her phone." "God, i look like such a loser." "Which one do i wanna eat?" "[indistinct]" "Holy shit." "look at all this food." "No one's gonna believe i ordered all this." "Maybe i'll just take one bite of everything and throw it out." "I'm all alone now." "so what?" "So what?" "so what?" "So what?" "fucking jordan goes off" "Fucking jordan goes off with ryan," "With ryan, she's fucking in love with him." "People are gonna freak out when i post this video." "When i post this video." "no one can say shit to me" "No one can say shit to me either, 'cause it all" "Either, 'cause it all really happened." "I'm king kelly, bitches." "i'm gonna show you all." "A™ª music captioning by gigecast"