"There is no going back to the person that I was before Haditha Dam." "Thiswasunlikeany mission we'd been taught about in Ranger history." "We sent a hundred guys, and they had like a battalion, sowewereoutnumbered." "Mychieffearwas , am I gonna have the guts to go forward?" "AmI gonnahave thecourage?" "Iwasa19-year-oldprivate." "WhatI wastruly gettingmyselfinto," "I had no clue." "My name is Matthew Sanders." "I'm 32 and from Kansas City, Missouri." "When9 /11happenedIwas 18." "Iwokeup thatTuesday." "It'sonthenews." "I'mlisteningto it  ontheradio." "I get downtown, and City Hall is blocked off, like for blocks." "Well, once I saw, you know, that Kansas City, Missouri, you know, was on lockdown, it literally hit home, you know, and it was like, I, I knew, like... everything was about to change," "and so on 9/11," "I was there in the recruiting station." "Atthatpointtheytold me therewasapossibility" "Iwasgoingtobecome amedic, which is not something I signed up for, so I didn't really know what to make of it." "He was "volun-told" by his squad that he was gonna learn how to be an EMT." "Doc Buma is the company senior medic who trained me as an 11 Bravo medic." "He was my mentor, he was my, my big brother." "I was a new private, and he taught me a lot about, you know, life as a Ranger." "Rangers are the, you know, primary elite fighting force." "It's almost like you hear about how valedictorians go to Harvard, and everybody's a valedictorian, you know." "Go to the Ranger regiment, everybody is the, the baddest guy on the block." "Atthetime, Ihadalreadygonethrough twotours,andMattwas theonlycherryprivate" "Ihadeverhad ." "Asa medicyoudon 'tdeal withprivates." "I usually get guys that come trained." "A cherry private is a private who is uninitiated to combat." "And cherry is, it's, it's, it's a... it's... it's a..." "Jesus." "In the world of the Ranger Regiment, a cherry private is somebody who hasn't done anything yet, who hasn't proven themselves yet." "Inthisnewrole asa 11Bravomedic, my fear was, you know, if someone gets hurt, you know, am I gonna be able to help them?" "I didn't tell anybody that I was afraid because I didn't want them to have any doubt in me." "So I just, I kind of tucked it away, and, you know," "I told myself that, you know, no matter what," "I was gonna give everything that I could." "Iraq continues to have and develop weapons of mass destruction." "The White House wants a vote at the security council Thursday." "What we have done thus far has not been sufficiently persuasive." "Noonehadtoldus weweregoingtoIraq , butweallkindofknew." "Youknow, ifyouwerewatching" "CNNorFoxNewsin2003,  youknow,youknewthat  wewereabouttogoto war." "Aboveall,youknow," "I think I was more curious, you know, like what's it gonna be like, you know." "What's war gonna feel like?" "What's it gonna be like to jump into Iraq?" "Wedidatacticalairland." "Atcruisealtitude, theyturnedoffthe engines." "Andthentheyjustkind of dothisliketacticaldescend whereit's,it 'slike arollercoasterride." "And they turn the engines on at the last moment." "Irememberkindofexpecting tojustkindofdriveoff, and there'd be guns blazing, but we arrived to little fanfare." "The invasion and the preinvasion of Iraq was a very surreal time." "Originally we were meant to invade" "Baghdad International Airport in a, in a major raid." "Buttheconventionalforces wereseizingthesetowns soquickly inthe"shockand awe " campaign, thatwelostour mission anditleft SpecialOperationsleaders kind of scrambling to figure out what roles they could serve." "Finally we got this mission, and they told us we were gonna go hit Haditha Dam." "TheHadithaDam wasessentially averyimportant strategicpoint fortheinvasionofIraq ." "Itprovidedone oftheonlymainhighways acrosstheEuphrates." "Itprovided hydroelectricpower tothewesternhalf ofIraq." "Theinitialfear wasthattheIraqiArmy  mightsabotagethedam  andactuallyflood theentirecityofHaditha." "Thiswouldbe disastrous tothepeoplethere, butitwouldalso bedisastrous totheinvasion." "Basically we were told there's this huge dam, and we have to go secure it." "Theideawasthatitwould go veryquitesimply." "Wewouldseize thishardpoint andthenholdontoit forabout30 hours." "Andthen,by then, theconventionalforces wouldrelieveus ." "And so, things just didn't quite go that way." "Therewasjustsomething intheair." "We were all prepared to die, and we were prepared to go and do what we needed to do to further the Ranger name andtoprotectwhateveritis  thatwethought wewereprotecting atthetime." "Wedrovethroughout thenight." "Allthistime,you know, youwouldseeonthehorizon bombflashesfrom the" shockandawe"campaign." "Asyoupulluptothedam," "Irememberseeingit forthefirsttime, anditwasjustsohuge." "The structure itself was, I don't know how many stories, but it's in the double digits, I'm sure." "HadithaDamwas abouttwomileslong, about150feettall." "When we pulled up to the dam, myplatoonwastasked withtaking aseriesof buildings onthenearside asweapproached." "Wesawsomemembers oftheIraqiarmy, whichwezip-tied anddetained." "And we're preparing to take the rest of the hydroelectric facility." "You know, we were hoping we could do it quietly." "Red alert, red alert." "I didn't even think about the fact that I was shooting until after I had fired four or five rounds and, you know, we'd all, you know, stopped shooting because their targets weren't standing any longer." "Ittookprobably agood30 seconds torealizethatwehadjust shotsomebody." "Itwasoneofthosethings Ialwaysthoughtaboutit, youknow, goingintotheinfantry, engaging,youknow, theenemyis something thatyou'resupposedto,  to look forward to, something I always wondered" "if I'd have the ability to do, and, you know, when it happened, it didn't feel like the way I thought it would feel." "It, I didn't really feel anything." "You know, it, it didn't feel real at the time, you know, it didn't feel any different than training." "And, and then it just, you know, before I really had time to let it all sink in, the battle, you know, kind of just erupted." "All of a sudden these RPGs are flying up in the air and airbursting over us." "Webegandoing gunrunsoverhead." "Itmust'vewokeup thevillage, andeverybodyknew thatwewerethere." "And this thing became the scariest mission that I had ever been on in my life." "TheIraqis hadentrenchedthemselves inthelowground, buttheyhadn'ttrulysecured thehighgroundofthedam." "But we were able to take the structure itself relatively easy." "Itwasamatter of,ofus being, you know, in the high ground pushing the enemy back from that point." "We were taking fire from all directions." "We'dseenahundredguys , andtheyhad,like, abattalion, sowewereoutnumbered." "TheywereshootingRPGs." "It was crazy, I mean, there was a, a high volume of gunfire at this point." "Thingsareblowingup aroundme." "In the beginning of the battle, itwasbasicallymyjob totake ahighpointofterrain bya bunker atthebaseofthedam, whichwedubbed theEaglesNest." "Itwasthehighestpoint intheentirevalley, and I could see everything going on, which meant I could relay valuable information to the unit." "Wehadafullfieldoffire fromtheirposition." "Afullfieldoffire  fora well-trainedsniper essentially means that any enemy infantry that you can see, you can kill." "Ihadconducted twodeployments inAfghanistan beforemovingover tosnipersection." "Becoming a Ranger had been something" "I had been wanting to do since I was around 15." "I'dbouncedaround mostofmy life allalongtheWestCoast." "Unlikea militarybrat, Iwasahippiebrat , butI thinkthelifestyle isprettysimilar." "Some of my earliest memories were formed when I was three, and my mother took me on the Great Peace March." "Whichwasaa march acrossthecountry inhopes ofa nucleardisarmament." "I suppose it's a little obvious and a little cliché that I've become a sniper Army Ranger, having such a liberal upbringing." "Idon'tknowifI 'llever  beableto putincontext the mindset behind men in sniper sections." "About half of sniper section were these kinds of stereotypical Rangers." "These, these were the guys that on the weekends, they'dgoouthunting and,youknow, you'dgoto seethem formorningformation, andtheywouldhave abledhog intheback oftheirpickuptruck." "I mean, these guys are just, like, so country." "And then the other half were guys like me, which were these, like, kind of more heady, moreneurotic, andtheymakeagood blend." "Inevershowedhesitancy." "AndI neverwasafraid." "Iwasthetypeofguy thatattheend oftheday, theyallknew, "Yeah,thisguywill" "He'llbeatriggerpuller."" "Thisideaof crawling throughmud, getting eyes on an objective and identifying a target," "I mean this is all very sexy stuff." "I mean, at the end of the day, having a suppressed rifle," "I mean, it was all I ever really wanted." "Wefiredso manyrounds atthedam." "Literallyinapileofbrass , wefiredat livetargets." "We'reessentially asniperteam sitting ina movingtargetrange." "It wasn't until all of the gunfire and everything started that you really started seeing the exposure to different types of casualties." "My position was such that I was able to really watch thebattlespaceunfold infrontof me ." "Atonepoint,one vehicle tooka wrongturn anddrovethroughIraqis onbothsides." "Thentheyhad toturnaround and drive right back through it." "Whenwewatchedthatvehicle gothroughthatambush andthendriveback throughthekillzone," "Iknew thatsomeonegothit ." "Iheardthecallformedic ." "I remember gunny turning to me and saying," ""Sanders, that's you!"" "Thatwaslikebeing justletoffthe leash." "Comeon,let'sgo." "Sanders!" "Mymindwas goingdowneverything" "Iwassupposedtodo, justkindof at once." "Iwasexpectingthe worst." "Iwasexpectingtosee,  youknow,an arterialbleed ora suckingchestwound." "And then I get there and, you know, it's this foot injury." "I kind of yelled out like, "You've been shot!"" "Youknow,like,just'cause Ifinallysawit." "And he's kind of like, "Well, duh," you know, but I put a quick pressure dressing on it." "He actually refused any sort of pain medication, tookitlikeachamp." "Itwasagoodintroduction to,tobeingamedic." "Kindof, okay,I cando this." "This is something that, you know, like, you're capable of doing this." "You're trained." "You're going to be fine." "You know, fear no fear, like, you can do this." "Fortherestofthenight  itwasliterally fromoneposition tothenext, andjust,youknow, observingRangersin action." "We'dseethislike, lookedlikelightningstrike." "Acoupleof secondslater youfeelthethunder, youknow, butitwasn'tlightning, itwasn'tthunder." "Itwas,youknow, 2000-poundbombs,youknow, courtesyofthered , white,andblue." "Iwasso firedup thattherewasnosleeping." "Everythingwasso real." "I remember even thinking like, this does not feel like any movie I've ever seen in my entire life." "Wehadourperimeter." "Then we asked, "Well, what, what are we doing now?"" "Andsotheysay , "Well,youknow, wemightendupbeinghere alotlonger."" "Werealizedthatwewere  gonnabeherefor awhile." "And we also realized that we were, like, running out of food and water, you know, relatively quickly." "You get to a point where you just say," ""I gotta sleep at some point."" "You hear the rounds coming in, and you go, "Maybe you're" "Maybe I'll survive, maybe I won't." "I don't know." "But if I wake up, then I'm gonna fight another day."" "Itwasearlyinthemorning, predawn, andweweretakingenemyfire froma mortar." "I'mtryingto figureout  whereitwascomingfrom ." "So, we're scanning, and then we see there's a guy on a little island at the lake, andhe'sgotamortartube,  andhe'salone, and he's launching mortars at us." "And he's just out of range of anything that we really have, and so we're figuring out what to do, and then just out of nowhere, this" "The anti-tank team pulls a Javelin system." "Now,a Javelin isananti-vehicleweapon." "They'remeantto takeout  Soviettanks." "Iseethisrocket justshootup  as if we were trying to shoot down, like, a helicopter or something." "I actually shot-- Thought that like there was a helicopter in the sky somewhere." "Everybodystoppedfighting." "weallstoppedshooting." "We all stopped shooting to watch this thing glide through the air." "It goes up, it goes up, it goes up and then it just drops down." "Itlookslike aPredatormissile justblewup  thisentireisland." "Imean,it wasabsurd." "Itwasquitecrazy." "We all felt better that we weren't taking mortars after that." "Iwasinitially atthetopofthedam atthecasualty collectionpoint." "Asthemedic, Iwantedto be withmyguys , andthat'swhereIfeel  mostcomfortable." "Despite the fact that we were getting a bunch of indirect fire and all this other stuff, my job was to be with them." "Atonepoint,Ilinkedup withDocBuma, atthecasualty collectionpoint, andtherewas a,a woundedIraqi." "He'd been shot through the face." "Asa medic,youhavetowork onbothsides, youknow,it 'snot-- It'sveryconflicting sometimes." "FromDocBumaitwasthis,  just degree of humanity in, in a very inhumane situation." "WhatI learned reallyearlyon  wasthatmostofus arescared ofwhatwe don'tknow." "Andso,as longasI know  whatI 'mgettinginto," "I will have a better insight as to how I can beat thatparticularobstacle." "That'sallIdid ,was trained, learnhowto helppeople, learnhowto takecare ofpeople." "I joined when I was 17." "I still had my senior year to do, but I knew that there was no money there for me to go to college, so that was just like a guy trying to make a better life for myself." "And so I chose to be a medic because I thought that that would provide me a way to earn a career, earn a living when I got out of the military." "Myideawaslike, ifI 'mgonnabe amedic," "Ishouldbe surroundedby thebestguyspossible, right?" "So,I 'llbeamedic forthem." "Andsothat'swhat Idecidedto do , istobecomeamedic fortheRangerRegiment." "My parents were very much like, live your dream, you know?" "They are very supportive." "Mydad isa verysilentstrength kindofguy, butI knowhe struggled witheverything." "In the Ranger Regiment you don't get to talk to your family." "You're gone for six months at a time." "Nobody knows." "They just follow CNN, they see the ticker on the bottom, and they hear, "Two Rangers died."" "They have no idea who it is." "So, my dad used to know where I was at in the sense that, you know, of what was going on in the news." "Mydadwasaprisonguard ." "Heusedto wearlongjohns everydayin thesummertime, underneathhisuniform." "And, and they'd say, "Well, why do you do that?"" "And he says, "Well my son's, my son is, is hot right now, so I don't want him to be hot by-- alone."" "So, that's the type of dad-- He wasn't really the type that was always there to give you a big hug." "Thatwasmy mom." "IfI wantedto prove thatI coulddo something, itwasthroughmydad." "Ilive,breathe, beinga Rangermedic." "In the barracks I'd stitch people up at night after bar fights." "I'd do whatever I needed to do to take care of my guys because at the end of the day, when we're overseas, mommy's not there, nobody is there, they come to doc," "and for a long time, that was me." "Ibelieveit was thethirdnight." "Avehiclehadstopped atoneof ourcheckpoints." "Apregnantwoman hadgottenoutofthevehicle andaskedfor,for water." "I, I don't think," "I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that, you know..." "they killed, you know, three of our guys using a pregnant woman." "Thatwasa, youknow, a real kick in the balls when it came to morale." "This is when I realized like, you know, guys can get hurt, guys can get killed." "This is for keeps, you know." "Like, this isn't, this isn't a training mission." "This is war." "Things dramatically changed." "You know, we kind of had to, hadtoprepare fora wholenewbattle." "NorthwestofBaghdad, neartheHadithaDam ." "Anapparent suicidebombingattack bya pregnantwoman ata checkpoint leavesatleastthree USservicemembersdead." "Wejustlostguys supportingourmission." "It solidified all of our resolve to stay there and to win." "Dayfour, westarttaking insaneincomingfire." "Some of these 155 rounds would hit at the front of the hill that I was hiding on, and you could feel the force move through the mountain and move through your body." "Theywouldrainhot shrapnel downuponus ." "I didn't know that shrapnel would be hot." "A piece... a piece rang up from one of the rounds and kind of clink-clinked down the hill and stuck on this SAW gunner's neck." "And, you know, he had to grab a, a leatherman tool to peel it off his neck." "And to be that close, to have that tangible experience of shrap metal, and you saw that, no, you know, life really is very fragile, and you could easily be one of these people that the shrap metal was cutting through." "After two or three days of indirect fire over and over and over, 200 rounds a day, it was just-- it was taxing on everybody." "Ihadbeeninthesamepair ofsocksthewholetime , so my feet were kinda slipping off a little bit, like started losing the skin on them." "It was very disgusting." "We were in desert MOPP suits." "MATTHEW SANDERS:" "We have thesechemicalsuitson thatdon'tprovide thesamelevelofventilation asnormalclothesdo,  soalready,youknow, we'resweating morethanwe normallywould." "Wehadto rationwater prettyclosely,youknow." "Wewereprettymuch outoffood bythatpoint." "Rangers are known for being able to operate without food, without sleep, but you need water, you know." "Everybody needs water." "The toughest guy in the world needs water." "Everybody got used to eating a little bit of food." "Everybody got used to running out of chewing tobacco." "Tobacco is a big deal, you know." "I remember running across the dam to get a dip of Copenhagen when, you know-- fully knowing that I could die for that, but, you know, that's just kind of one of those things, you know." "You learn, you get accustomed to certain things, you know." "This is where I met this kid, Matt Sanders, who fortuitously brought a carton of Marlboro reds." "Specialist Taylor found out that I had a carton of cigarettes, and, you know, he had run out of Copenhagen." "And so, you know, every, you know, hour or two he would come up and, you know, ask me for a cigarette." "Here I am, this cherry private and like this tabbed, Tab Spec 4, you know, sniper, you know, who was like a god to me, was, like, asking me for cigarettes." "I was like-- Dude, just happier than I could possibly be just to give him cigarettes." "You know, of course he was probably a little bit nicer to me than he probably would've been in any other circumstances because I had those cigarettes." "Afterfouror fivedays, youknow, yourbrainstarts notbeingabletoprocess." "Yourbodydoesn'tprocess thestressverywell." "Everybody's getting really tired." "I'dhaveto getthemaway  fromthebattle fora littlebit." ""Canyouget30minutes tobreak, andI 'llwarmyouup somemeal, heat you up, and worry like mommy used to."" "I guess, and, and we'd have to nurture each other back to strength." "RYLAND TAYLOR:" "The things thatnobodythinksabout arethepracticalities ofwar." "What happens to a city that gets abandoned?" "There'dbe thesepacksof ,like," "Labradorsandhousepets roaming around, kind of wandering." "Their owners had abandoned them, and they kind of wandered the plains wondering what to do." "And over that week they became wild." "Theybecameferal, andtheyformedpacks." "Theyfoughtoneanother, andeventuallyIwatched astheywould eatthedead... inhauntingways." "For these sorts of brave enemy soldiers that we fought, to see them go out that way, that really bothered me." "Itfeltalmostoverwhelming atthatpoint becausetheirfire gotsoaccurate." "OneofourRangerslooked topeekoverhis position, and at that point was hit by a large piece of shrapnel." "Immediately,thecall formediccame." "Aswewererunning, youknow," "Irememberrounds continuingtocomein." "We'drun,youwouldhear  theroundcomein,  and we'd have to hit the dirt." "Wewouldgetbackup, startrunningagain." "WhenI gotthere, theyhadhim leaningup againstthewall." "You know, I never..." "I, I had, had kind of been expecting something manageable." "You know, I wasn't expecting, you know, a penetrating head trauma." "Youknow, IfeltlikeIfroze." "All of a sudden it was, it, the, the reality, you know, was, was" "I was scared, you know." "Like, it was the worst thing" "I'd ever seen in my entire life." "MATTHEW SANDERS:" "I remember myplatoonsergeantsaying, youknow, "Youguysgotthis."" "I mean, it probably wasn't but five or ten seconds, you know, if that, that I was frozen." "Itfeltlikeaneternity." "Youknow,Ineverwanted toworkon oneofmybuddies, you know." "AguynamedJeremyFeldbusch." "I knew him all right, you know," "I knew him pretty well, I think." "We partied together a couple of times." "He was a mortarman." "And, you know, like I said, those rounds are effective and got him right in the forehead." "Wejustimmediately wenttowork." "Feldbuschisunresponsive, andhewasn'tbreathing." "Buthehadavery strong radialpulsein hiswrist, and that indicated to me that, you know, he was very much still alive." "Ilistenedforbreathing, andI couldheargurgling, whichindicatedto me  thathehad anobstructedairway." "Andsotheplatoonmedic waspreparedto do  atracheotomy." "Nobody wants to do that kind of procedure, you know, in such an unsterile and chaotic environment." "Luckily,wedidn'tneed todothat." "Istuckthesuction inhismouth." "Itwas,youknow, essentiallydriedblood and,andfleshintheback ofhisthroat, andwhenIwas able toclearthat, thatbloodandflesh outofhisthroat,youknow," "he was able to resume breathing on his own." "Andso, westartto loadhim up,  andJeremyis abig boy ." "I had him at the shoulders, and a couple of other guys have him at the legs and the hips and they'd passed him to other guys on the other side of the wall." "Thingswerehappening soquickly, andtheypulledhim  from,frommy grasp." "Ithinkeveryonewas  atthatpoint,you know, infearforJeremy'slife , and,youknow, theartillery isstillcomingin." "Wereallystartedtaking heavyartilleryrounds." "It,itwaslike Volkswagenbugs crashinginfrontofyou." "It sounds like if, if you went to an airport, and you listen to these 747s land." "Sometimes the acoustics will resonate in a weird way where it's like kind of sound." "Andthat'swhat thesecarried." "It'sjusthuge." "Wedroveto thecenter ofthedam." "Ihadhishead sittinginmy lap." "I didn't want his head to touch the ground again, it's just this like, you know, almost fear of mine, so I, you know, put his head in my lap." "So, I had to wait for someone to, you know, replace me." "Theybroughthim inthebackofa Humvee thattheyhadconverted intoa makeshiftlitter, andtheyhadbroughthim tothecenter ofthecontrolpoint." "Itwasalot totake in." "I just remember that look when Matt looked at me, you know, and he was, you know, his MOPP suit was covered in blood and, you know," "I just remember him handing him over and saying, you know, "I know that you guys will do what needs to happen, you know."" "IntheRangerRegiment there'sthissense thatthemedicscan save justaboutanybody." "Ifyou'restillalive andticking whenyougettous, we'lltakecareofyou." "Andwe'lldo whatever weneedto do ." "Whetheritbe flyaplane, flya birddown to come pick you up, we'll make sure that you are treated right, whether dead or alive." "And that's something that we all lived by." "And so, yeah, we, we worked on Feldbusch, and it, it looked bleak." "Youknow,at thispoint, youknow," "Iwas,youknow, coveredinblood,you know." "Ihadnever..." "Youknow,Idon 'tthink I'deverseensomuch blood, youknow,especiallyonme beforeinmy life." "And, like I, I didn't have a choice." "I couldn't take off my clothes and put on new clothes." "You know, and, at the same time, though, I really didn't want to." "You know, there comes a point where you gotta wash your hands, you know, and it's like I didn't want to wash my hands." "You know, I didn't want to, like, you know, it felt wrong to want to wash my hands." "Like, I just didn't, like, I" "I just didn't want to, like..." "I just didn't want to rinse him off me." "I felt like it would be like a, like a disservice to him." "I never really thought about why I didn't want to wash off." "I just know that, you know, the times that's happened," "I just, it's the hardest thing in the world to do is to, to wash your hands of your buddy's blood." "Like it's..." "it's not easy." "Oneofthereasonswhy wewereat thedam  wasbecausewe wereafraid ofthecitygettingflooded." "Thecitygettingflooded wouldmean thattheconventionalforces couldn'tmoveon  andseizetherestofIraq." "Thefloodingthecity wouldmean thatallof theserepublican guardsoldiers wouldlosetheirhomes." "I had heard later that Saddam had told this unit in particular that if the Americans seize this dam, they would blow it, and you would lose your homes." "And so, both sides were fighting to make sure that city didn't get flooded." "We were fighting for the same cause, maybe." "Either way, there's a-- You know, deep sense of irony that they were fighting so hard to save their homes, and we were fighting them so hard to save their homes." "Wegetwordovertheradio  thatthereis like,aconvoy ofIraqitanksmoving inourdirection." "That word quickly spread throughout the platoon, that, you know, hey, we got tanks, you know, moving in our position." "Wewereallprettytired bythispoint, anditwasn't amoralekiller, butitwasalsovery , verysobering andvery,youknow, it was almost like, okay, I guess here we go," "you know, I guess we're gonna do this now." "Wewerepreparing fortheworst, tosaytheleast." "At some point, an air strike was called in and, you know, quickly, you know, neutralized that as a threat." "It kind of calmed down a little bit like, towards day five or something like that." "I mean, when I say calmed down, we weren't getting 200 rounds each day." "We were getting, you know, sporadic things blowing up around us." "I believe it was day six when the conventional army finally does come." "Andyousee thesebigAbramstanks rollingdownthishighway, andguys areactuallycheering." "Ijustremember allthesetanks comerollingthroughhere, right, andyoustartrealizing," ""Well,nobody'smadeit toBaghdadyet."" "Ididn'tknow theywerecoming, butsomebodyknewenough tomakeasign thatsaid, "HappyMotoring, thisdamsecured by3rdRangerBattalion."" "You know, we have this big kind of congratulatory moment, and then we, we go over to the dam, and some Black Hawks are coming to relieve us, and-- It really, really was," "onceagain, thecinematicmoment ofsittingon theedge ofa BlackHawk asitpansoff , andyouseethis,like , wildcarnageeverywhere." "Whereyoualmosthear thatsentimentalviolinmusic in your head as you're, as you're taking off and just kind of trying to put yourself in perspective of something that you will never be able to put in perspective." "Iwasso exhausted bythetime, youknow, wegotpickedup." "TheguysthatI'd been fightingalongside wereevenmoretired thanI was." "Atthesametime, Ithinkwe wereall  pretty excited getting pulled off the dam, you know." "We all knew, we all knew what we did was big, and we all knew it was significant." "Attheendofthat day,  everybodywascovered inblood." "Andwe'dbeenout  forsix,sevendays, andthisis thefirstmoment whereyoufeelsafeagain." "We started talking, and we're like, "You know what, let's all just be happy that we're alive."" "And, you know, it's, it's in those times that you see like, how fleeting everything is in life, you know, and it's just kind of, it's in those times that you realize what matters and what doesn't." "Hadithawasactually mylastmission thatI everdid." "Myparentsbeggedme tocomehome becausetheyhadbeenwaiting toseewhen,you know, somebodywasgonnaknock ontheirdoor or maybe their son's not there." "I felt like I owed it to them to go home, to now," "I'm a lot of guys, and, you know, I'm on a journey to try to make sense and to find inner peace with all the things that have happened." "I turned 20 a week after we got back from Haditha Dam." "Thatweekin my life," "IreallyfeellikeIchanged asa personforever." "Forhimto be one ofthefirstguysthere to,tosave Feldbusch'slife on his first combat mission ever," "I mean... you can't rise to the occasion better than that." "He did a good job treating Feldbusch." "And, you know, Feldbusch is alive, and there's a lot to say for that." "Feldbuschdidrecover anddidquitesuccessfully." "Hewasthefirstspokesman for theWoundedWarriorProject." "I don't think that I would've developed into, you know, the Ranger that I did if it had not been for, you know, Doc Buma's influence." "In a sense it was like a dad going," ""Man, I helped that guy become what he is," you know." "I was proud of him." "I'm still proud of him." "I'll always be proud of him." "HadithaDamverymuch wasmycomingofage." "It taught me that courage is not being fearless, but courage is, is moving forward, in spite of the fear." "Fearis,is something that's" overcomable."" " Our coalition" " Special Operations Forces alsoseized theHadithaDam." "Thathasbeenseized asoftwodaysago,  andweprevented itsdestruction." "Therehavebeensignificant regimelosses inthevicinityofthedam." "ThisHadithaDam, ifithadbeenblown, itwould'vebeen asignificantproblem causingflooding inthepassageway whereU.S.armor intendedtopassthrough." "Instead, thatdidn'thappen."