"THE TAMING OF THE SHREW" "Battista Minola TAILOR" "Move your arm a little." "Move your leg." "The arm." "The leg." "Still!" "Will you be still?" " It's tight here." "Give me a break!" "What do you know?" "I made it, didn't I?" "Yeah, but I have to wear it." " What does that mean?" "You're a master builder, right?" "When you make a house, the tenants live inside." "Not you." "But you know how to make the houses and the tenants don't, eh?" "With a tailor it's the same thing." "The jacket is a house and you're the tenant." "I'd like to put a sign here." "Entry is forbidden to those not involved in the work." "What is it?" "You've planted a nail in the neck of the tenant." "You're such a fatty, my boy." "I wanted to say.." "Miss Bianca, is she OK?" "Why shouldn't she be?" "She's fine." " I'm pleased." "You know I think my brother-in-law has found the road?" "If I talk to the Commendatore, we'll take the contract for the demolition of the whole lot towards Gaul." "A bargain worth millions!" "Money and health, two sides of the coin." "Will you keep that arm still?" "You know my decision, my dear Remo." "Until I find a husband for Catina, let's not talk about Bianca." "But.." "I'd like to be settled." "If you're in such a hurry, marry Catina and you'll be settled." "Yeah, I'd be settled alright!" " Then wait." "In my house, the eldest gets married first, then the younger." "And in my house, we send the nuts to the asylum!" "Enlarge the space of this sleeve." "Mr. Righetto's pants?" "Well?" "The pants?" "Maria, Maria!" "It's like a pigsty!" "Maria, Maria, where are you?" "Ugly ape!" "Come on!" "Mr. Righetto's pants, hurry!" "Mr. Battista, are you being paid by the hospital?" "Me?" "Why?" " I'm so cold, I'm getting pneumonia!" "Be patient, Remo the master builder was inside trying on a suit." "I'm astonished that a tailor like you dresses such low class people." "Today, my dear, when a customer pays.." "and believe me, Remo pays." "He pays, but for sneaky reasons." "He pays the tailor hoping to get the father-in-law." "No, don't worry." "I won't give Bianca to a bricklayer." "I need a son-in-law who can help me." "He only makes houses and I already have one." "But one who has a delicatessen like you in times like these.." "my dear Righetto, he's a goldmine." "So let's put an end to this." "I'll marry her right away." "You can bet your daughter'll be taken care of." "No, first Catina must marry." "You know this." "This is an obsession!" "Get one settled at least." "No, no!" "First Catina!" " Oh, lord!" "My dear Righetto, I can't take it anymore, I've had it up to here." "She drives me crazy everyday." "She's a torment." "You heard her before, right?" "And yesterday?" "You know what she did?" "I don't want to." "It's always the same story." "Mr. Battista," " Eh?" " Mr. Battista," "Not to criticize my future dad, but these pants are a little wide, eh?" "Yes, I'll take care of it." "But.." "I have some good news to give you." "What?" " The American is coming." "Really?" "When?" " He phoned from Lisbon, he'll be here any day." "But are you sure, he'll marry her?" " Of course." "Sure, he's always written it." "He's always asking about her, "my Catina"." "And despite being far away, he's never changed his mind." "Let's hope she doesn't change his mind." "Don't say that, for heaven's sake!" "It'll be her not to want him." " What does she know?" " But.." "this time, I have high hopes." " Yeah?" "He's not one of your typical idiots that hangs around the house." " Thanks a lot!" "No!" "I meant.." "He's a novelty, get it?" "A novelty." "He's from America, another world." "If he tries to trick Catina, she'll send him to another world!" "If I were her dad, I would've cured her with a few slaps!" " Who?" "Some slaps to whom?" "Just try it, puppet head!" "Catina!" "I won't let you offend customers." "A fine idiot he must be to be your customer!" "Catina, shut up!" " Shut up, my ass!" "I'm talking!" "Who do you take me for?" "A beggar you can pass off to the first comer?" "Who's coming?" "You're American?" "I'll fix him!" "I'll make him lose the will to marry me." " Blessed God!" "Do you want to be an old maid?" " The oldest maid!" "You want me married?" "If you wanted married daughters so much you should have married them at birth." "But since I have to take care of myself, I'll do what I please." "The end!" "And you, mind your ham, that you've hidden in your cellar!" "And mind your business!" "Your stinking business!" "I'll make you want to slap girls!" "But I.." " Shut up!" "And you shut up too!" "Miss!" " Go to hell!" "I know why you're always here, you and that master builder!" "Don't make a mess!" " You don't want a mess, eh?" "Get out of here!" "What are we going to do with such fathers?" "Yours wants to marry Catina first." "Mine wants me to marry a country cousin." "Maybe she's prettier, richer than me." "But I love only you." "I can't give you up." "Dear, I love you very much." "Be patient." "Pietruccio's arriving tomorrow." "Let's go now before they see us." "Bye." "Good day, Miss Bianca." " Good day." "I wanted to say.." "You're nothing like your sister, eh?" "Yeah, I'm like myself." "No, no, I meant that your sister doesn't stop willingly with boys." "Unlike you, who stops with this one or that one." " Yes, when I'm not in a rush." "And.." "I wanted to say.." "then.. you could with me." "I'm in a big hurry." "Ah, here's dad's treasure!" " What's your problem?" "The house darling, the angel of the hearth." "How precious you are!" "My compliments, Miss Bianca." " Stop acting like a fool!" "And when are you going to stop bringing these idiots here?" "It makes me sick the way you encourage them!" "To get married, I must marry first." "And I refuse to get married!" "I won't marry!" "Ever!" ""Sour", said the fox who couldn't reach the grapes." "What's this with the fox?" " You shouldn't put on airs." "You won't get married, because no one wants you." "That's the truth!" "Is that so, you ditz?" "I could have a hundred better than any of yours!" "Keep singing, but if you think I'll marry to make you happy, you'll sing till your voice goes." "I know you can't stand me!" "You can't wait until I'm gone!" "Evil, selfish, heartless!" "You'll find yourself a scarecrow of a husband." "Besides, there's one coming just for you!" "Let him come!" "He'll get such a warm reception!" "I'll bet you'll like him." "How cute he was when he was young!" "He made faces at you ever since he was a kid!" "It's true, he wasn't at the age of reason then, but.." "This is for now!" "When he comes, I'll give him the rest!" "Pietruccio!" " Battista!" " Pietruccio!" "How are you?" "Welcome back." " Well found." "How is the angel?" "My little angel?" " What angel?" " Come on, Catina, of course!" "Ah, she's the angel!" "She's fine, the angel is fine." "Let's get a taxi." " It takes more than a word to find one, this isn't America." "It'd be a miracle if we found a trap." "There's one!" "Hey!" " To Piazza Colonna." "No, I called it first." " Who says so?" " I do." "That's not enough." " Why?" " Who called you first?" " You did." "Then I'll go here." "I'll call a cop." " Good, let him carry you in his arms." "These people!" "That guy was looking for trouble, but I like to fight." "You'll get along with your little angel." "To Porta Metronia." "Driver, please, stop." "You've changed everything." "Yes." " It's amazing, wonderful." "Down there was a narrow street, there was a hardware store." "Bravo, Mr. Cesare's." " We bought nails there." " Exactly!" "Poor Dad, he couldn't live without nails." "But your father was a good man." "But let's talk a little about you." "Were you able to make your million?" "A lira less, a lira more." " Nice, I'm really happy." "Things were going pretty well there, but when I heard there was a war.." "Italy is Italy." " Sure." "What are those bags over there?" " There for the bombs." "One never knows." " Bombs!" "Is Catina afraid of the bombs?" " Catina?" "Please!" "Imagine, she's not even afraid of the devil." " Good, I like a girl with guts." "Her guts are fine, if anything it's her heart.." "Her heart?" "Palpitations?" " What palpitations?" "She's healthy as a horse!" "Shall we go?" " Yes." "Well then?" " It's better that I tell you right away, given your intentions." "The girl is a little.." "lively." " Good, I like liveliness." "She's touchy.." " You mean she's proud." "Then sometimes she's harsh, bitter, worse than a lemon." "Good." "I like lemons a lot." "Anything else?" " No, no." "It's only that sometimes she's angry, stubborn, bullying and mouthy." "There, I told you all." "After what you told me, I need to tell you something." "You don't want to do it?" " No.." " It's OK, I knew it." "I wanted to say if you like, I'll marry Catina tomorrow." "Don't go crazy, we're not in America." "He shouldn't delay." "Unless he hasn't changed his mind.." " He hasn't even talked to her!" "Maybe the rumor spread up to America." "Right!" "And when do I get married?" "You?" "I'm the one marrying!" " And me?" "Do what you want, but I'm marrying Bianca." "I think Bianca should have her say." " Then let Bianca speak and you shut up!" "I'll be quiet, but you too!" " Hands off!" "Here they are." "Remember to speak well of Catina, OK?" " You take me for a fool?" "No.. but I could be wrong." "Stop." "No, wait here." "Here are my friends." "Meet Pietruccio Belli." "Hello." " This is Righetto Scanise." "Owner of that nice delicatessen." " A pleasure." "And this is the master builder." " Remo Zanoni, builder." " A pleasure." "But all is new here, changed." " All, you noticed?" "I wouldn't have recognized it." " It's nicer, isn't it?" "I had a hand in it too." "Yes, it's nice." "But I remember it as it used to be." " Yeah." "But where was my home?" "There." "And there was the inn of poor Gaetano." "Do you remember?" "Yes, I remember." " Now Miss Ortensia runs it, a capable widow." "Look the skyscrapers." "Yes." "But Porta Metronia was lovely even back then." "All around were meadows up to the end of that wall." "How many bruises Catina and I gave each other!" "Did you have a good trip?" " A little shaky." " Bad weather, the ocean in winter." "The ocean was very calm, but I came to blows with strangers every other day." "Here, you'll also do that." " What do you mean?" "Nothing." "He means that you've been expected." "There's one who yearns for you." " Right." "I know, my dear Catina!" " How dear she is!" " Such a darling!" "Are you retarded?" "You wash it again?" "I had laid it out, but the wind threw it to the ground." "I'll show you the wind!" "And the clips?" "What are they for?" "Moron!" " Don't touch me!" " It's Catina!" "No, what an idea!" " It must be the daughter of what's her name.." "the cousin of that one, the wife of.." "You're trying to trick me." "Give me a break, it's Catina!" "Catina!" "I recognize the voice, it's really her!" "She hasn't changed a bit." "How glad I am." "Dad!" "Tonight, we'll have a feast at Ortensia's." "You're all invited!" " Yes.." "Mrs. Ortensia, how are we doing?" " At 7:45, I bring out the pasta." "It'll be a true symposium." " Please, do us proud." "Evening, Righetto." "How elegant you are!" "It's a new and already a button came off." "See?" "Mr. Battista sews them with spit." " No biggie." "Want me to fix it?" "You want to sew the button?" " For that, I'll do two." "Evening, Pietruccio." " Evening." "Evening!" " Better take your places." "No chaos." " Are we in school?" " No chaos!" "You know what they say?" " No." "The old hen makes a good broth." "But you don't like broth." "As to that, I like broth a lot." "And I also like the hen." "Aren't you ready yet?" " You'll see." "I must make myself pretty." "Today, I finally see this wonder that comes on purpose from the land of skyscrapers to marry me." "What a fool!" "I'll show him what to do with a skyscraper!" "Then there'll be that sentimental reunion at Ortensia's among lamb and onions." "How poetic!" "Come on, it's eight o'clock, hurry." " Such a rush!" "You're not getting married." "We'll arrive just in time to make him regret this." "But you look so cute, it's clear you want to be a hit." "I want to hit him on the head!" "Shut up or you'll get it too." "Be good." " How I'd like to not even go!" "Catina, do it for me." " Get the hell off!" "Your craving to get married is disgusting!" "Ouch!" "My foot, my foot!" "You hurt your foot?" " The leg too!" "The leg too!" "Help!" "Be gentle." "Maria, Maria!" "Help me." "Bring me to my bed." "Maria, where are you?" "What did you do?" " Be gentle." "Damn retards!" "Jerks!" "Oh, how it hurts!" "How it hurts!" "You can't do crap!" "Be patient, Catina, be patient." "The hell with patience, I'm hurting!" "I can't be on my feet." "The leg must be broken." "Let me take off your shoe." " I don't want anything from you." "Go immediately to Mrs. Ortensia's." "Tell them that imbecile got me hurt!" "And that I can't come." " Catina, you're not hurt!" "Get up!" "You're killing me!" "Killing me.." "Where am I?" "Maria." "Stay here on guard." " Me with her?" "Never." "Don't you see she's fainted?" " What if she dies?" " She won't." "And if she is dying, someone will come to grant her last wish." "How do you feel?" " However I want!" "Shut up!" "There.. she's gone." "Then nothing is broken!" "Unless you want me break something on you, don't say a word!" "Now get out, because you're an idiot!" "Damn, it's really ruined!" " What, the leg?" "Worse, the stocking!" "Damn that American and those who sent for him!" "Just look what a girl must do to keep herself pure!" "You want to keep pure?" " Of course." "Why?" "Oh, finally!" " Dad." "What is it?" "And where's your sister?" "An accident." " An accident?" "Talk and stop panting!" "Catina on the stairs.." " Well?" " She slipped." "She hurt her leg, her foot.." "I don't know." " Her leg." "We must take action." "Let's go." " Yes." "Catina broke her leg?" "Is she really hurt?" "Really?" "Is she in a lot of pain?" " Come, come, come." "Mr. Battista, Mr. Battista!" "There went dinner." "One moment." " What?" " I must tell you I don't believe it." " Why?" "You know how Catina is when she gets hurt." "She worse than cats." "For me, it's all an act because she doesn't want to meet you." "But no, don't listen to this blabbermouth!" "She maybe really hurt." "In any case, you need a specialist." "Yes, there's Dr. Rosa." "No, leave it to me." "I know one who's famous." "It's done." "Meanwhile with this story I need a few stitches." "Here they are." "Start crying." " Me!" " I said cry!" "But I can't!" " I'll show you how!" "See how that works?" "Now shut up!" "If you talk, you're dead." "Open it!" "How is she?" " Very bad." "Here's the doctor." "Oh, the pain!" "Oh, the pain!" "It's normal." "Seems fine." " But it's my leg that hurts." "One moment." "Your tongue?" "All the way out!" "Long and dirty." "Which leg hurts?" "This one." "No, the left!" "Is it this one or that one?" " Ah, that one!" " Be still!" "Bad, very bad." "The leg is broken in three places." " What?" "Be still." " Is it serious?" "Can it be repaired?" "We can't just fix it like a sewing machine." " Ah, right." "We'll try a good cast all the way to the hip." "Let's hope we can avoid amputation." " I hope so." "The trouble is these kinds of pains don't come alone but produce "sympathy"." "Do you know what "sympathy" is?" ""Sympathy"?" "No." " Right." "It means when a body falls sick, the symmetry, via sympathy, manifests the same symptoms:" "Eye with eye, ear with ear, leg with leg." "Let's see." "What are you doing?" " I want to see if there's sympathy with the other leg." "Is there sympathy?" " There's no harm here." "I think we should plaster the other one." " No!" "No, it's not possible!" " Don't move!" "We'll need to apply a little poultice to prepare the work." "Miss, please, go straight to the pharmacy and get this." "Please, the strongest one." "The skin must make bubbles." "Leave me alone with the patient." "Do you think that she'll be lame?" " We'll do our best." " Great!" "We'll do our best, but I can't deny how serious this case is." "If the patient isn't very patient." "Go." "You understand?" " Yes." "Now, take off your clothes." "But I'm fine, Doctor, it was all an act." " An act?" "Why?" " Please, Doctor, be nice, help me." "You seem like a gentleman." "Though as a doctor, you're not worth a damn.." "Explain yourself." "I pretended my leg was broke so I wouldn't go to a party where I'd meet a man, my dad wanted me to marry, whom I don't want." "I see." "How come you don't want him?" " That's my business." "Let's drop it." "I don't want him, that's all!" "Why?" "Is he ugly?" " It's been so long, I don't even know what he looks like." "But I don't like him anyway." "One moment!" "Glandular disfunction producing obsessions and nervous hypertensions." "Disfunction!" "I don't want him because I want a man to come like I want or nobody!" "And what type of man do you want?" "Handsome." " Pietruccio's not?" "I haven't seen him but he can't be handsome." "Dad likes him." "And I know my dad's tastes." "And how are your tastes?" " Difficult." "Am I handsome, for example?" "You!" "Oh, god, there are uglier." "But you're a doctor, I don't like that." "Always around diseases, legs, "sympathies"." "Then you've declared war on Pietruccio?" " To the death." "I began with a blockade." " Stop!" "Let me see your pupils!" " Why?" " Just a second!" "What are you doing?" " Quiet!" "Don't move." "Look to the right." "Now to the left." "Up." "Down." "Left once again." "Again, again, again!" " My eyes can't take it.." " Be still!" "Damn it!" "It's a full blown case!" " Doctor!" "Are you a brave girl?" "Well.." "I think so." "I never play the part of the ostrich." "I follow my system." "I always tell my patients the truth." "When you fell, you hit your head." "Me?" "I didn't.. at least I don't think so." "I don't remember." "You see that: the most serious symptom." "Ah, yes.." "There's something in your head that doesn't work right." "Lesions to the temporal meniscus, with repercussions to the cerebral brain cells to the grey matter and the branches of the optical spinal cord." "All of that?" " There's more, poor child." "Now I understand your insensitivity of the triple fracture of the tibia." "Still!" "Don't move, whatever you do." "Any movement could be fatal." "Hey, girl!" "What's the maid's name?" "Her name is something.." "her name is.." "Oh, god." "I can't remember." "Oh, yeah." "Maria." "Maria!" "Maria!" "A bucket of cold water, but it must be freezing, ice cold." "We'll try hydrotherapy." " Hydro..?" " ..therapy." " What does that mean?" "You need a shock to your nervous system." "Here, Doctor." " Good." "Give me a towel." "Don't be afraid." "Ah, are you crazy?" " It's for your own good!" "What an idiot!" "Help, he's crazy!" "Be still!" " Dad, help!" "Be good!" "Be still!" "It's a small attack, I do it to make you happy." "What shall we do?" " It's a small attack." "Rascal!" "Who sent you, damned imposter!" "Who sent me?" " Who sent you?" " Pietruccio Belli sent me." "Pietruccio?" "Now, I'll take care of this!" "Ah, finally!" "Pietruccio?" "Where's Pietruccio?" " He went out to find a specialist." "And how's the leg?" "The leg's fine, see?" "Where's that jerk?" "Be calm, he's coming.." " If I get my claws on him!" "Fine specialist he sent me!" "A scoundrel like him!" "I'll make his head like mine!" "I'll make.." "This time, I'm serious!" "He'll end up at Regina Coeli." " Catina!" "My sweet Catina!" "What joy to see you again!" "Don't you recognize me?" "It's me, Pietruccio." "Pietruccio!" "Your Pietruccio." " Let me go!" "My darling!" " Jerk!" " May I, Dad?" "Here she is." "Catina!" "The alarm!" " I could kill them!" "Don't get excited." "Calm and quick." "There's room for all." "Where's Bianca?" "Bianca!" "Where is she?" " Bianca!" "Don't worry, she's here." "She came down with me." "See?" "And you were afraid he wouldn't marry her!" "Who are they?" "That's our after work theatrical troupe." "They were reciting.." " "Goodbye, Youth"." "Quiet!" "The play goes on." "Mario." " Dorina." "I'd like to give you one thing, a small thing.." "that I had promised you." " What is it?" "It's probably not as nice as your cousin's." "It's a wallet with your name." "Oh, Dorina!" " Mario!" "Dorì." " I embroidered it myself." "And you will carry it." "Yes, my little dear." "Have a good trip, Mario." "Farewell, Dorì." "Goodbye, love." "Write to me." " Yes." "Dorì!" " Mario!" "Goodbye, love." "Goodbye, youth." "# Dead is the beauty." "# Youth does not come back." "# The time passed without love, # it will not return." "# It will not come back." "This whining was all we needed!" "Bravo!" "One moment, gentlemen." "Now we'll give another play." "I'll be the leading man and Catina, the leading lady." "Who am I?" "Some guy." "Who is Catina?" "Say it out loud, if you know her." "A plague!" " A living hell!" "A disaster!" " The Wrath of God!" "You're all vermin who pick on a helpless woman!" "The soul of a weak woman!" "But I don't give a crap what you think!" "Have fun!" " Catina!" "Catina." "One moment!" "The play's not over." "Here you see, my good people, poor Pietruccio abandoned." "Miss, it's forbidden to leave during the alarm." " I want to!" "I'm sorry, but you must stay here." " I'll do whatever I like!" "Keep quiet and don't make a fuss." "Go back to your place." "And after many years, the poor Pietruccio.." "returned to his beautiful Rome to fall at the feet of the angelic, of the mild Catina!" "Oh, finally!" "The leading lady's back." "Speak, Catina, you do your part too." "Come on, just one word!" "Moron!" "Amiable creature!" "But if you stay there, nobody'll hear your sweet voice." "Come here, my love." "Come here, sweetiepie." " Buffoon!" "Silence!" "The leading lady has spoken." "Now, it's my turn." "Sweet Catina!" "Adorable Catina!" "You have annoyed us enough." "Jerk!" "I ask you, what should I do to end this charming love duet?" "Send her to the country!" " Slap her silly!" "The public has spoken." "A few idiots have spoken!" "You can't fool me like this!" "He will do whatever I want." "And if I wanted to, I'd marry him tomorrow or even right now!" "Are you sure, dear?" " Yes, very sure." "Such certainty, my sweet Catina, honors and moves me." "But what's the use, if you won't say one word to your Romeo?" "I ask for one little word like the earth asks for water after a long drought." "Catina, my sweet, only say, "Yes, I'll marry you."" "Pietruccio, don't get fooled!" " If you marry her, you're a fool!" "You mustn't marry her!" "Silence!" "Yes, I'll marry you." "Excellent." "Then I say to you, "No, I won't marry you!"" "Say that again, if you dare!" "I won't marry you!" "Yes, you will." "Even if you're dead, you'll marry me!" "Let the world end tomorrow, I'll publish the banns!" "Hear that?" "Even the siren was whistling!" "Bianca has snuck off." " Oh, right, Bianca." "Bianca!" "Where's Bianca?" "Bianca!" " Here I am, dad!" "Were you getting stuff for my leg?" "I'd like to talk to her." " And I'd like to sleep." "It's late, boys, night." " Night, Miss Bianca." "Go on, let's go!" "Catina!" "Catina!" "Goodnight, Catina." "Bye, Matilda." " Bye." " Night, Bianca." "There's nothing to be done." "It's getting dark." "There's no light in the window." "If he were here instead of this rug!" "I know, but you still may refuse." "Nothing doing!" "When I say something, it's done!" "Yes, I'll marry him." "I'll marry him!" "But, you'll see, I'll make him sorry!" "How he'll be sorry!" " Catina!" "Catina!" "What do these blabbermouths want?" " Catina!" "What do you want?" " Congratulations!" "May you have many sons!" "Come here, you ugly ape!" "Joy, Catina, joy!" "I'm here!" "Magnificent!" "Such clarity!" "A real rainbow." " I wish it were mine!" "Have you ever seen its like?" " Wonderful." "I wonder how much it costs!" " It costs my freedom." "What's up, aren't you working today?" "My dear!" "My sweet Catina." "Our happiness must have witnesses, right?" " Yes, but not for what I need to say." "Out!" " Out!" " You too." " You too." "You too, Dad." " Me?" "Yes, I'm going too." "Look, Pietruccio.." "Give me your hand." "If you think you can hoodwink me with that, you can keep it." " Well.." "I keep it so people won't talk, no other reason." "It looks good on you." "Listen to me carefully." "The farce you played last night at the shelter is still here!" "I thought it was there." " Wiseass!" "I'll make you never want to joke again." "Now, listen." "For now, the thing is what it is." "Fine." "But we're getting married." " Yeah, we're getting married." "But get it into your head, that between you and me will be nothing." "Not even a little bit, not even a kiss, you understand?" "I do understand." "Not even a kiss?" "So much the worse for you." "The worse for me!" "That is to laugh!" "Lowlife!" "I want to put you through so much, that you won't even have the strength to curse the day you married me!" "Dear!" "You don't know how it excites me to hear this love talk!" "Give me your hand, heart of my heart." "Look how easy and cute it is." "Give me your other hand." "Let's see.." "No, it won't work. "Marriage without kisses, a ring without stones"." "Just as you want it." "Goodbye, love." "Farewell, my heart of hearts!" "Now what?" " Now, I'm going to find a castle." "A castle?" " Yes, a castle with a park." "Oaks trees and roses, lots of roses to embower life with." "While you're there, maybe less roses and more potatoes." "We get down to business." "What's this?" " The ring I had given her." "Damn, that's worth a fortune!" "Where did it go?" " Here it is." "But this isn't it." "What do you want me to say?" "Catina is so demure, the other one overawed her." "So I have it here safe." "Goodbye, Dad." "Leave it to me, don't worry." " Here he is." "The student Guarnacci." "Cavaliere Biondelli." "For heaven's sake, no titles." "Just Biondelli." "Because if anything, I'm a "cavaliere ufficiale"." "But that darn title is a bit too long and no one would call me anything." "Some people even call me "commendatore", but I don't care for it." "So, commendatore.." "Rascal, he did it!" "Well, okay with "commendatore"." "Have a seat." "Such a nice young man." "So we want to get married, eh?" "The very nice Ortensia has told me all." "And I immediately grasped the situation." "Laughable stuff!" "A super easy case." "Nothing to worry about." "Never worry while you're alive." "So, you want to marry, but you have two rivals." "Very good, this means the girl is a great beauty." "Tell me, does the girl's father like you?" "Because if he does, we're set." "Go to him and say.." " Commendatore, then you haven't understood anything." "Young man, beware, I understand on the fly." "Then Mrs. Ortensia didn't explain it well." "When he caught me with his daughter Mr. Battista threw me out like a thief!" "Then, he doesn't like you." "See how quickly I get things?" "Young man, don't fool yourself." "The girl's father doesn't like you." "And you say not to worry!" "Wait." "Let's examine the situation." "Do you have a lucrative profession?" "No, I haven't yet graduated." "Got it:" "lucre, nix." "And your family?" "At home we're fine, but my father.." "He's opposed." "I get it." "It's a mess." "Her father says no, his father says no, who then would be you.." "Therefore, given that we have two opposing fathers, why don't we pull out a third father who consents?" "Another father?" "Whose father?" "Yours." "Your father who consents to his beloved son's marriage, promising him financial and moral support." "But don't you understand that.." "Young man, I repeat that I understand everything." "All that needs to be understood et ultra." "Which means in Latin, "If only everybody understood like me"." "I bet that Mrs. Ortensia understood." "Leave it to him." "She's a woman!" "And women always understand tricks." "I'm his father." "Ah, his father!" "And to what do I owe.." "Please, have a seat." "Sorry, but I won't sit down even for a bit." "Why?" " Because a father won't sit where his son isn't allowed to stand." "Ah, you're alluding to.." "I see that you too understand everything!" "You know, nowadays to educate and watch out for one's daughters.." "I'm not arguing your ideas on education, as mine are very severe." "But not all cases are alike." "If your daughter had been presented to me," "I would've treated her the way her family deserves." "Why, you don't.." " Don't stand on my account." "No, please, after you." "I won't sit, because my sitting would take on a symbolic significance." "You see, Cavaliere.." " Commendatore." "Sorry." "You see Commendatore, I still don't understand it." "Let's sit then." "So, dear Mr. Minola, it's better to speak frankly." "Your daughter is not a good match." "In what way?" "In regards to my son." "If I may so, we're from the best families of Frosinone." "Houses, vineyards, land." "So, my son, and I'm not just saying this, is very well off." "Get it?" "And what do we have here?" "A tailor." "Thriving but still a tailor, an artisan." "But since my scion is in love, it means that when I'm gone the houses, vineyards and lands'll be enjoyed by two." "But.. but are you really sure the young man has serious intentions?" "He enlisted his father's help!" " Ah, right." "I beg your pardon." "No more talk, let's shake on it." "Long live the bride and groom." " But.." "Do you have anymore objections?" " No, none." "It's just.." "You know how it is." "Give me a few days to think about it." "E transeat!" "I'll wait till Sunday." "Frosinone." "Goodbye." " My regards, Commendatore." "For heaven's sake, no titles, we're almost family." "Thank you." "I don't see them." "We've been waiting a while." " What can I do?" "What are we doing here?" "What if they don't come?" " They'll come." "I can't take it anymore." "I'll catch pneumonia!" "He wants to kill me." "He wants to be a widower!" "But the priest has been waiting an hour." " Alright, but.." "There he is!" "Joy, Catina, I'm here." "Sorry I'm late, my treasure, I just came from the castle." "What a surprise!" "But I had a car accident and I didn't have time to change." "Forgive me, my love." "Now then, gentlemen, we're ready." "Joy, Catina!" "Let's go." "Do you want as your lawfully wedded wife, Catina Minola?" "Yes." "Catina Minola, are you content to take as a lawfully wedded husband, Pietro Belli?" "Yes." "I join you in marriage." "Long live the newlyweds!" "Come, Catina, let's go." "But.. do you expect me to climb in?" "What, dear?" "It's my present to you." " What an effort!" "It's not brand new, but downhill it can go 110 an hour." "And they don't make cars like this anymore." "We must leave because if the oven goes out, the pot won't boil and the engine won't run." "Quick, to the castle." "Get on." "But.. but first there's a banquet." "Dear, don't it on my account." "Remember, you didn't even want to have lunch when I arrived." "Forget the banquet!" "We'll eat at the castle." "Come on." "But at home, it's all ready." "Father-in-law, the newlyweds want to be alone." "We don't want to miss one day of our honeymoon!" "Joy, Catina!" "We're leaving." "It must be sad to watch your own daughter leave." "Yes, but there's something even sadder, my friend." " What?" "She might come back." "110 an hour!" " This is the tomb of Cecilia Metella." "Not that way, to the left." "I said to the left!" "Listen, my angel, if you don't look at the tomb, I'm not moving from here." "What use is a honeymoon via car if you can't learn something?" "Fine." "Let's hear it then." "Educate me." "Who was Cecilia Metella?" "I have no idea." "But she must've been a great woman." "Look at that tomb!" "I'll make one just like that for you." "I like you because you're an optimist." " Optimist?" "You think I'll die first?" "You'll be the one who dies first!" "Shall we go on, my dove?" " Ask this lemon!" "A lemon?" "This is a rocket." "You'll see." "Hold tight before it starts." "How pretty you are when you laugh!" "Why don't you laugh more?" "I like it a lot." "Go!" "See what happened to this heap of bolts!" "If not, we'll be here till tomorrow." "Now I see, it needs some wood." " What great news!" "Joy, Catina!" "You know what we'll do?" "We'll go gather some." " Go!" "I'm not moving." "If you want to stay, fine." "But sometimes the gas fumes can be dangerous." "But if you're not afraid, I'll go by myself." "Wait!" "It's better that I come too." "Let's make it quick." "Wait!" "Hey!" "Wait!" "Long live the newlyweds!" "Did that "stove" break down?" "The "stove" broke down on the newlyweds!" "Do you need anything?" "I need the devil to take you!" "Goodbye!" "# I met a young lady, I don't know where, a while back." "# Capricious and half-crazy, but very nice as a matter of fact." "# Now that she's married, You don't recognize her anymore." "# The tamed shrew is now a bride with virtues you can't ignore." "# She was crazy and touchy." "What was wrong, nobody knew." "# For this, for that, for everything." "With mom and dad, she bickered too." "# Someone you want to confess?" "# Someone that fascinates you?" "You want to marry in fancy dress?" "# The tamed shrew always said, "No"." "# Now that she's married, You don't recognize her anymore." "# The tamed shrew is now a bride with virtues you can't ignore." "# If the lady's a little dumb, the man is more or less." "# Sometimes a tantrum, is no reason to obsess." "# "You want a cottage by the sea?" "No!" "Give me 1000 lire?" "No!"" "# "I've got a bill to pay." "No!" The man always says, "No"." "# But when he calms down, I don't recognize him anymore." "# The tamed he-shrew gives you everything and more." "# "You want a cottage by the sea?" "No!" "Give me 1000 lire?" "No!"" "# "I've got a bill to pay." "No!" The man always says, "No!" "No!" "No!"" "# But when he calms down, I don't recognize him anymore." "# The tamed he-shrew gives you everything and more." "Cheers!" "Well, Miss Bianca, your sister is married." "You, Remo, are always making such discoveries!" "No, I meant that now your sister is married.." "you'll get married too, right?" " I hope so." "Hey, Mr. Bricklayer, you know the proverb?" ""He who whispers in the ear, does quite rude appear."" "I was speaking in confidence. - "He who speaks in confidence, is without sense."" ""He who quotes proverbs.." "gets on my nerves."" "I'm sorry, but it doesn't really rhyme." " But my nerves are real!" "You see them?" "She's surrounded by one or the other." "That cleaned up bricklayer is always whispering in somebody's ear." "Will you knock it off?" "By talking so much, you'll dry out your throat." "Now it's my turn." "You see?" "Now "they're stealing the meatball from the plate."" "I've never let anyone steal anything off my plate." "Now, I'll show you." "May I help you?" " The student Guarnacci." "Oh, Master Luciano!" "He's a friend of mine, he always eats here." "Have a seat, please." " Thanks." "Indeed, I was told he'd be here." "Indeed he would be, but a certain girl is getting married.." "Married?" "Luciano?" "No, today a girl from here got married." "And Mr. Luciano has been invited to the banquet with his father." "You mean "by her" father, the girl's father." "Don't I know how to speak?" "With his father, Mr. Luciano's father." "His father.." "Come on, it's impossible." "What's so strange about it?" "Can't he invite his father?" "Do you have something against it?" "No, I don't, for heaven's sake." "I only have something urgent to say to "Master Luciano"." "And maybe even his "father"!" "In that case, he's right across." "I'll have a boy accompany you." "Romoletto!" "Accompany this gentleman to Mr. Battista's." "Silence!" "Fwiends.." ""Fre, fre, fre"" " Ah, frewends!" "Not that." " Friends!" "Umm.. it's written in the book of fate that joy never comes alone." "Catina is happy and I want Bianca to be happy too." "Therefore.." "after mature reflection," "I communicate to you with much pleasure that I decided to accept.." "the marriage proposal made to me by the Commendatore Guarnacci, on behalf of his son, Luciano." "Long live the newlyweds!" "There's the Commendatore." "Long live the newlyweds!" "Commendatore Guarnacci?" " How the hell should I know?" "Please, are you Commendatore Guarnacci?" "I'm here at your service." " You're Commendatore Guarnacci?" "That's right." " And who am I?" "Who are you?" "You're asking me?" "You're some kind of guy!" "No, I'm not "some kind of guy"." "I'm Commendatore Guarnacci." "What harm is in that?" "We're both Commendatore Guarnacci." "It seems very weird to me." " Isn't it?" "Luciano has fled!" " Grab him!" "If he leaves.." "So then, that Luciano who fled would be.. our son." "Well, I really.." "Poor boy." "I know why he ran away." "He ran away because he's tired of having two fathers." "One is often quite enough." "Gentlemen, I bid you good evening." "But really, who are you?" "A case of the same names." "Here we are." "This is the famous castle of Famagusta, fifteenth century." "Look at it, sweetheart.." "It's so interesting." "Not all brides get to have a honeymoon at a castle." "Keep the honey for yourself, I only got the moon." "OK." "The moon for you, the honey for me." "Indeed, I feel like I'm all sweetness, my golden pet." "What a gale." "Come on, come on!" "Come on, put your back into it!" "Go on!" "Just a little bit more!" "Come on, just a little!" "I suppose this is the castle?" "Good day." "There's my retinue." " Damn, some retinue!" "Wait one second." "No!" "I'm not staying here!" "I'm going back to Rome!" "Catina, where are you?" "Catina?" "Poor Catina." "Come, buck up." "It's nothing." "Off!" " Be good." " Get off!" " Servants, help!" " Get out!" "Giovanni, prepare the fire, she's cold." "Your clothes are all wet." "Until they dry, you'll have to settle for these." "They're my daughter's." "Until your trousseau arrives from Rome.." "And I must stay here?" " Where else?" "But you're crazy!" "I'm leaving right now!" "Lovely lady, how are you going to leave with all this water?" "On foot?" " You're a bunch of outlaws!" "All in cahoots!" "But I'll make you wind up in jail!" "As true as my name is Catina!" "Like I care!" "I've been done 20 years time." "A little more.." " You've been there.." "As a jailor?" "No, no, no." "I was a convict." "Oh, for a rather bad deed." "It involved a death." "When you drink too much.." " Never mind.." "I'll do it myself." " Fine." "Mr. Pietruccio is waiting for you at dinner." "How did it go?" " I scared her silly!" "Go in the kitchen and do as I told you." " Yes." " Catina!" "Catina!" "Catina, don't make me wait!" "Are you deaf?" "When I'm hungry I get nasty." "Good, I see you learned to obey." "Obey my foot!" "I came because I'm hungry too." "Good." " Otherwise, you could yell till your voice died." "If you're hungry, I've prepared such a lunch!" "This way." "Servants!" "What are you doing sitting there, bumpkins!" "Get up!" "Salute your mistress!" "Everybody get out now." "Go!" "This, my dear, is the lady's place." "Sit." "The soup." "Wait!" "What crap is this?" "There's a fly!" "Take it away!" "And don't let it happen again!" "Don't, Catina!" " There's nothing in mine." "You don't want to eat this poisoned slop!" "Take it away!" "Mine is fine!" " There are microbes, bacteria!" "Away!" "But I'm hungry!" " No, my love, hygiene above all else!" "Then we'll have the hare." "Like that?" "Be happy, Catina, happy!" "Service!" " Stewed hare." "The smell itself could resurrect a dead man!" "Just smell it, Catina!" "Help yourself, that one and this really tender piece here." "One moment!" "You call this hare?" " Yes, sir." "Hare." "I bought at the market yesterday at Grottaferrata." "Liar!" "This is cat!" "But, sir.." " Damn swindlers!" "But this is hare." "I know hare." "You're kind and want to defend them, but it's cat." "And old cat at that!" "I'm sick to my stomach!" "Take it away!" " Master, I swear it's hare!" "Perjurer!" "Enough!" "Get out wretch!" "Get out rascal!" "You know nothing offends me more than lies!" "Get out, trash!" "Get out!" "The salad." " The hell with it!" "I'm no longer hungry." "You ruined my appetite, race of crooks!" "Be patient, it was fate that tonight you fast." "Don't you see how mad she is!" "I'm not mad at anything." "And I'm hungry like a wolf!" "It's nothing, dear, just your nerves." "Besides, there's nothing left to eat." "You'll see, dear, a good night's sleep will fix everything." "See, Catina, this is our bedroom." "Ours?" "Mine!" " Dear Catina.." "But we're husband and wife, aren't we?" "Remember well our agreement." "Either you leave or I do." "No, no." "If that's the way it is, I'll go, don't you fear." " Good." "Catina!" "Look over there!" "Look!" " What?" "A mouse!" "Two mice!" "Three mice!" "A nest!" "Run!" "Die!" "Pietruccio!" "Come in." "No need to fear, dear." "I exterminated them all." "There were 112 of them." "Go to bed, no need to be afraid." "And now, my dear, you can rest at ease." "Goodnight ." "And.." "sweet dreams." "Long live the newlyweds" "Hurry!" "This hunger will never end." "Quiet!" "Don't let her hear you." "You called, my angel?" "I.." "I thought you did." "But.." " Eh?" "I.. did." "No." "But dear, did something happen to you?" "No, not at all." "I can take care of myself." "Good night!" "Good night." "Damn!" "But that one's not a woman, she's an armored tank!" "What did you do?" " What did I do?" "What she did to me!" " I'm sorry." "I'm the one who's sorry." "You should've told me she didn't believe in ghosts." "Fire!" "Fire!" "Catina!" "Catina!" "Catina, fire!" "Catina!" "Giuseppe!" "Giovanni!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "Catina!" "Fire!" "Catina, come on!" "Buffoon!" "You expect me to come.." "Catina, fire!" "Fire!" "Catina!" "Fire, come on!" "Come on!" "Giuseppe, the fire!" "Help!" " Catina!" "Come here quickly!" "Pietruccio!" "Villain!" "Coward!" "Nasty!" "Lowlife!" "It's not for bad reasons." "It's to create a scandal to force Mr. Battista to give her to me, for reparation." "How lucky is the miss to have young men like you who love her." "Yet she doesn't care!" "And it's not even so much for the good, but to not let that show off, Righetto, win." "And when the master finds you in her room, blames me and throws me out?" "I'll take you into my service." " I can't." " Why?" "You're too handsome.." "and people would talk." "You are a smart girl." "But don't worry, I'll settle you all the same." "Come on, pretty Marietta, do it.." "Do it for me." "You do know how to speak to ladies." "I know.." " Quiet, get inside!" "Don't worry, everything will be OK." " Oh, how fun it is!" "Cavaliere Biondelli is a phenomenon:" "others think, he does." "Be brave, my love, for my sake." "Damn, a serenade!" "Who could that pest be?" "They pass by all the time." "Once they gave one to me." "I didn't care for him." "He was too skinny." "If Bianca wakes up, it's over." "Let's wait for them to go." "# I ask everybody's forgiveness, # if you can still hear me sing." "# There's a window that's closed." "# Maybe it will never open." "# Who will want.." "# my beautiful lover." "# who has forgotten my kisses." "Cavaliere, are you sure there'll be no trouble?" "For whom?" " The poor Righetto." "You have your heart set on the deli boy, eh?" "Don't you worry." "All is going according to plan." "Somebody's coming!" " Oh, Blessed Mary!" "Now what'll we do?" "Let's go on the terrace landing!" "Hurry, hurry!" "Maria!" "He went in Bianca's room." "Who was it?" " I don't know, but I'll find out." "Somebody's going to die!" "Softly, my father is a light sleeper." " Yes." " Close the door." "Help, a thief!" "A thief!" "Help!" "Help!" "A thief, a thief!" "Bianca!" "Bianca!" "Open, for God's sake!" "Bianca!" "Mama Mia!" "What's going on?" "Grab him!" "Stop him!" "But this is Righetto." " It's the butcher!" "The deli man." "Are you sure I'm Righetto?" "Who am I?" "The thief's on the terrace." "Embrace me, Maria." " Me?" "Why should I?" "If they find me here, I'm dead." "Be kind, save me." "And let them think I'm a.." " You want them to kill me?" " No." "Fine." "But you better marry me or forget it." " Yes, I will!" "Don't move!" "Put your hands up!" "What "thief"?" "It's a chicken thief!" "It's Remo making love to the maid!" "Why in god's name did I do that!" "Why?" "Love." "You see what tricks it plays?" "You call these "tricks"?" "I've been massacred!" "Oh, God!" " You think I don't know?" "I've used 2 liters of hydrogen peroxide!" "Dear Mrs. Ortensia, how good you are." "Don't be silly, for a few spongings." "Now be still." "No, I need to say it:" "you are good." "You're really nice, you know." "So good." "Mrs. Ortensia?" " Eh?" "How long has your husband been dead?" " God rest his soul, it was five years last month." "Why?" "No reason.." "Do you feel lonely?" "What can I do?" "Now he's gone." "But a widow can always remarry, isn't that right?" "Heavens, who'd want me?" "I'm no longer a young girl." "Please, to hell with girls!" "Heavens, I can't even move!" "Oh, God!" "So don't move." "But I'm a nuisance to you, here." "On the contrary." "What nuisance?" "I'm so lonely." "Yeah?" "30 days.." "30 days at least." "What do you mean?" " Thirty days in bed." "How lovely!" "Catina, let's go, the car is ready." "Where are we going?" " Back to Rome." "And if I don't want to?" "OK, no big deal." "You can stay here alone." "Come on!" "Bye, Catina, bye!" "Pietruccio!" "Pietruccio!" "Every time we drive, do we have to play the woodcutter?" "I'm tired of this junk!" " I know what it is." "Just a little push, leave it to me." "Take the wheel." " No, you drive!" "Who'll push?" " Me." "Who do you think should push?" "There's the two of us." "Come on!" "Come on, Catina!" "Come on, you can do it!" "A little bit more." "Come on, Catina!" "Come on, come on!" "Joy, Catina, joy!" "Here comes someone to give you a hand." "No." "I want to do it myself." "I don't need anybody." "But that's Catina." " Yeah." "Why it's Luciano and Bianca." "Well?" "Where are you going?" " To Grottaferrata." "A relative of Mrs. Ortensia." "You two alone?" "What the hell is going on?" "We eloped." " And we won't come back till we're married." "Where is my son?" "Ah, it's you." "And you dare come into my house?" "And you have the nerve to go back on your word?" "Shame!" "Shame on you!" "I want my daughter!" " I want my son!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "How many times do I have to say it?" "What?" "Who's this?" "Mr. Battista's daughter?" "Ah, you're Bianca." "Catina?" "Catina." "Lord have mercy!" "Trouble never comes alone." "Give it to me." "No, you can't talk, you're too emotional." "Hello!" "Look we have our own problems." "For your problems.." "let your charlatan of a husband worry about it." "What!" "Who?" "Who?" "You!" "You're nothing but a pain in the ass!" "And before you mention my husband, you need to wash your mouth!" "You're not worthy to tie his shoes!" "Oh, fine!" "I wanted to say that my sister is here at my castle." "Next time you say one word against my husband, I'll make you see stars!" "Catina!" " Sir, you owe me three units." " What?" "For the phone." " Ah, yes." "Catina !" "Catina!" "Catina!" "What is it?" " I hurt myself." "Where?" " Here and here and here." "Here and here and here?" "Is there a "sympathy"?" "I believe so." "Be happy, Catina." "I know a specialist." "Bring me to him immediately." "Be so good, Pietruccio." "It's just Catina." "I don't give a damn about Catina!" "I want my son!" "And I want my daughter!" " Wait, let's proceed with order." "I think it'd be better to step in with due caution." "Catina!" " Catina!" "Little Catina!" "Little Catina!" "Baby Catina!" "What do you want?" "Leave us in peace!" "Go away, go away!" "I'll take care of this nut!" "I'm a nut?" "So this is your love?" "Hypocrite!" "Liar!" "We're not even married and you already insult me!" "Good!" "Send that bumpkin back to the country!" "You're a bumpkin!" "And my son is right to speak his mind to that blabbermouth!" "Listen to her!" "And you wanted to marry that witch!" "Ah, the maid who picks up the garbage of others." "Listen, better a maid than a mistress who runs away with boys." "I'm tired of maids and bricklayers." "Boy, if your "fibbertigibbet" is making your head spin, leave me alone." ""Fibbertigibbet"!" "Ugly peasant who smells of mortar!" " Well?" "Well?" "What is it?" "You think you can scare me with your tough act?" "It'll take more than that!" "I'm not a dope like my sister who'll tremble at the sound of your bitching!" "My dear Bianca, do you think it's nice for a girl to behave like this?" "Whoever saw such a thing?" "Are you a girl in love or some provoking nut?" "You must be meek and gentle, submissive and resigned, patient and obedient, if you want to get somewhere with these men we love." "# A nice but confused girl, # she met by chance one day," "# A young man in love, and "yes", he made her say." "# Finally she got married, and however it did occur, # slowly, slowly, she changed, today you wouldn't recognize her." "# Capricious and half-crazy, almost all of them are though, # these blasè girls that only know how to say, "No"." "# Would anything change them?" "Yes!" "# A good medicine to heal them?" "Yes!" "# A sure way to calm them?" "Yes!" "# A husband and a stick, that's it!" "Yes, yes!" "# And once they're married, you don't recognize them anymore." "# The tamed shrews are now brides with virtues you can't ignore." "# Would anything change them?" " Yes!" "# A good medicine to heal them?" " Yes!" "# A sure way to calm them?" " Yes!" "# A husband and a stick!" " Yes, yes!" "# Now that she's married, You don't recognize her anymore." "# The tamed shrew is now a bride with virtues you can't ignore." "English subs by sineintegral@KG."