"Four year olds... ..five year olds..." "Ah!" "Stop!" "This is the best day of my life!" "..six year olds..." "I don't like you." "Who cares?" "SHE WHINES" "They're at a pivotal age." "Do you like mine?" "Don't laugh!" "It's not funny." "This is where futures are formed." "This is the president of the USA." "This is a unique opportunity to see the most crucial stage of a child's development." "What they're learning now is the blue print for adult life." "These children have come from all over the country to a school where every corner has been rigged with cameras..." "Mum!" "..and wired for sound." "Yep." "Thank you." "Bye-bye." "Previously on the Secret Life of Five Year Olds... the boys struggled with temptation." "Oh, my God!" "It was someone mysterious." "We didn't see it!" "George and Alfie came to blows." "You better run!" "And Emily found a kindred spirit." "INTERVIEWER:" "What's rolling disease?" "It's when you have to roll all the time on the grass." "Coming down!" "It's midsummer and after a couple of weeks away from each other, our five year olds are meeting up again." "They'll be looked after by teachers Kate and Ollie." "Yeah!" "Rolling disease!" "Whee!" "Yeah!" "Observing them are Dr Elizabeth Kilbey and Professor Paul Howard-Jones." "Let's go." "No!" "What's key to being five is to be able to find your place within the group and the most important skill to be able to do this is to understand the perspective of others, to know that everyone isn't the same as me." "The task ahead of you when you're five is to be able to fit in socially." "LAUGHTER" "SHE LAUGHS" "My name is..." "George WGO Fernando Wikeman." "Fernando?" "Fernando!" "INTERVIEWER:" "George, how do you make friends?" "I'm not an expert." "As the morning gets underway, there are some newcomers to the group and Ruth takes the lead with new girl Sienna." "OK." "So Ruth has got straight in there, hasn't she?" "Yeah." "She's the only one that stepped forward and shown empathy and compassion to act on it." "It's going to be scary, OK?" "It's not going to be THAT scary, but..." "Here we go!" "Did you like it?" "Yeah." "INTERVIEWER:" "Who's your favourite friend in the play centre?" "Er, Ruth." "'Because when it was my first time here,' she looked after me." "Hi, Emilia." "Emilia is another new face." "Do you want to come here and have a look?" "We can all play together." "Pardon?" "'Some boys bully girls.'" "And some girls bully boys." "INTERVIEWER:" "Well, that's naughty, isn't it?" "I don't bully anyone." "Well, I'm a bit nervous of this." "It's not long before three becomes a crowd." "Oh!" "Follow me!" "I don't always have to follow you, do you know?" "Emilia!" "ELIZABETH:" "At five, children are so much better at managing one on one." "When they bring the third member in, suddenly, everyone's got to divide their attention equally and there's really competing demands." "The emotions of jealousy and rivalry come in and actually that's too much to be processed at this point." "Why do you have to always follow me?" "KATE:" "All right, everyone!" "Over here, girls!" "OLLIE:" "I just really like your hat." "It's not mine." "Oh." "The children are called inside for circle time." "In their first week, Alfie and Emily were inseparable." "Yay!" "I'll sit next to Emily." "You've made a very good friend with Emily." "I like sitting next to Emily." "Hello!" "We're the only silly people in the world." "The only ones?" "Yeah!" "Yeah." "Oh, right." "We've got so many of you back and we've got a few new faces as well." "Emily, I need a special helper today looking out for our new children." "Can you maybe...?" "I'm pretty good at that." "I thought you would be, Emily." "INTERVIEWER:" "So tell me, Emily, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "A jelly maker, pencil sharpener." "Er..." "Toy maker." "Emily is unique and she just instantly makes friends with people." "Emily lives in Middlesex with her mum, Giselle, and grandma, Brenda." "What you see is what you get with Emily." "If anybody's upset, she'll try and comfort them." "If anybody's angry, she tries to calm them down." "She's a peace-maker." "She's just special." "She's lovely." "She faults herself because she has to wear glasses." "She copes brilliantly." "The eyes." "That's the part I like about it." "These glasses..." "To keep control of this eye." "They keep control of it." "INTERVIEWER:" "What do you call that eye?" "Er..." "Wonky eye." "Emily's got huge empathy for other people." "Who's got control of your body?" "I don't know!" "There's a lot of things about Emily that I don't see in other children." "Just her mannerisms and some of the things that she comes out with." "They're just wise beyond her years." "Let's go quickly!" "Get into the house!" "In the playground, Emily and Alfie rekindle their friendship." "We're a dinosaur!" "All right." "Let's go." "Hey!" "That won't work." "It's stuck to my hearing aid now." "No, it's not stuck." "It's just tangled on." "See?" "Why do you have hearing aids?" "They're to help me hear properly." "I can hear fine." "It's just my eye." "Like your hearing aids, I have glasses." "Alfie!" "Let's do this." "KATE:" "Lunch time!" "I'm hungry." "Are you hungry?" "Bring your plate in front of you, Emily, so it's not going to be out of the way." "Who does like pizza?" "Me!" "Me!" "Me!" "Me too." "Who likes ketchup squirted on chocolate bars?" "THEY LAUGH" "Who like bananas mixed with peas with tomato ketchup?" "Eurgh!" "Who likes to eat shoes with blood squirted on them?" "Who does like...?" "Bubble gum squirted on poop?" "SHE SQUEALS" "After lunch, the children are playing outside." "Stop it." "Stop following me!" "But I want to play cheetahs with you." "I wanted to have three good best friends, so I tried Emilia." "I've got no-one to play with..." "HE SIGHS" "I need someone to or I won't ever allow you to be here again." "Oh, oh, Alfie." "Stop." "I'm upset." "I tried but it wouldn't work." "Stop!" "I'm not playing." "Stop!" "INTERVIEWER:" "Alfie, what is friendship?" "I don't know." "I haven't..." "I haven't asked anybody yet." "When I go back, I'll ask Mumma." "Alfie lives in Somerset with his mum Zoe, dad Kev and baby sister Daisy." "Alfie's just full-on." "Daisy!" "Move!" "He had heart surgery at two." "He had a little hole in his heart..." "That was close!" "They got him in and they fixed it." "And then he was, like, supercharged, wasn't he?" "Yeah!" "We can play football." "But also for a long time there was the whole thing with his hearing as well." "We were terrible parents and for a long time we just thought" "Alfie wasn't listening to us because he was just..." "In his own world. ..being an insubordinate little child, but actually it turned out he couldn't hear." "What's the red one?" "Central." "It goes like this..." "He needs constant stimulation." "He is mentally way ahead." "But emotionally, Alfie doesn't have empathy." "I think he does care about people." "Mm." "But somehow just in the moment..." "He loses... ..there's something else that he cares about a bit more." "Right curve!" "It's the afternoon, and the boys are building train tracks." "I need a curve." "No!" "No!" "Alfie wants the curved piece of track that George is using." "I need a curve now!" "You can't have all of these ones." "But I just need one." "And that's all." "A long one." "That's the only one you're going to get." "No, it isn't!" "Alfie, his negotiation skills are not great." "And we need a tunnel as well and we've got that." "GEORGE:" "You took our tunnel?" "ELIZABETH:" "And why is that?" "Because developmentally..." "He took our tunnel!" "..he's at a younger time point?" "Cos he needs to get into their heads to see what it is he can offer them that they want that he doesn't want." "Yeah." "And why can't he?" "Because his theory of mind is not as well developed as the other children." "Ouch!" "Theory of mind is understanding what's in the head of the other person." "And Alfie needs to understand that if he's going to learn to share and to share fairly." "Let's try an arm wrestle." "Arm wrestle?" "Table." "Elbow on the table, like me." "I won." "No, let's try again." "OK." "You keep losing." "I won." "Let's try again." "Won!" "Ouch!" "OLLIE:" "Right." "I saw that." "Is this what I need?" "George and Alfie's arguments continue during free play." "It's going clockwise." "No!" "No, don't." "Don't!" "You done that." "I didn't do that." "Yes, you did." "Didn't." "Did." "Didn't." "Did." "Didn't." "Did." "Didn't." "Stop arguing!" "For goodness' sake!" "Look at this." "CHILD LAUGHS" "It's the morning of the second day, and Charlie and Devon are playing outside." "That was brilliant, Devon!" "Let's do it again." "Lift it up." "Ah, Devon..." "Charlie and Devon!" "Looks like somebody's in trouble." "Boys, if you're throwing things off there, they're going to get broken." "THEY GIGGLE" "I need my hat!" "Alfie's robust play the day before has come to the attention of teacher Kate." "Alfie, can I chat to you for a second?" "How are you this morning?" "I'm OK." "I want to have a quick chat with you about when we play with other children." "What are some things that we need to remember?" "Being kind." "That's a really great one to remember." "Sharing." "Sharing is brilliant." "Do you try and share as much as you can?" "Yes." "Yeah?" "You think so?" "I keep trying really hard but, somehow, I actually get a little bit overexcited and I somehow forget it." "It is tricky, isn't it?" "Yeah." "When we're playing with other people, we need to make sure we're sharing the things, don't we?" "Yeah." "And also making sure we're listening and sharing ideas." "Yeah." "All right, off you go." "You were using that bucket." "No..." "On the other side of the playground," "Sienna is standing her ground." "I had it first." "No!" "I found something buried in the sand." "Let me have it!" "HE STRAINS" "Give it here." "Stop it!" "Sienna lives with her mum Sammy-Jo and dad Bill-Boy in West Sussex." "They have two horses, called Sambuca and Jess." "Who lives next door?" "Horses, Sienna, innit?" "Yeah." "She's a really good little girl and she's got loads of friends at school." "Big doggie." "She's a perfect little girl." "Most times!" "Sienna!" "Come back." "Sienna!" "She's just one of them funny little characters, where she's actually quite stubborn." "You're ugly." "You're going to be ugly when you're older, then, cos..." "You're ugly." "She does this to me all the time." "She's loving as well." "Mwah." "She's one of the best little girls." "She loves her mum, don't you?" "Yeah." "I need it there." "Well, leave it there." "Outside, Sienna and the rest of the girls are making paper aeroplanes." "Leave it there!" "There's a dispute over crayons." "Don't argue!" "Look, I'm not arguing with anyone, cos no-one's sitting next to me." "I'm not talking to you." "I'm talking to these guys." "Can we have some colours?" "Cos you had some of ours." "No, cos she took one of ours." "'Sienna is feeling more confident in the group 'and now we're seeing a much more assertive side to her.'" "She has decided to limit the access to crayons." "You can't have yellow." "One way of making yourself feel more comfortable and secure is to inject elements of control into your relationship." "I'm going to come sit with you." "'But if you do that too much, it's going to have a negative effect 'on your friendships.'" "I've taken this chair!" "You're not taking these crayons." "Yeah, we don't want them." "Every time we do drawing, they keep moving." "Whee!" "Do you want to watch my aeroplane?" "No, cos you all left me." "You all left me on my own." "Here, all by myself." "And it's not good." "Look at mine!" "Whee!" "Try again." "Whee!" "It looks like our aeroplanes made friends!" "Our aeroplanes made friends." "That's funny, isn't it?" "We became friends again!" "When people feel sad, how do you make it better?" "If they have no-one to play with, I play with them." "Hah..." "'That's how your feelings get better.'" "And that's how I make them happy." "Pull it back!" "Only Sienna, not everyone else." "All right." "Ready, Sienna?" "Go!" "The girls have made their paper planes." "Now to see how far they can fly." "Ooh!" "All right." "The farthest wins a prize." "Well done!" "Are you ready, Emily?" "Go!" "Oh..." "Are you ready, Lily?" "Last one." "And..." "I'm not very good at doing it." "All right, let's see." "Who..." "Ruth!" "Did Ruth get the farthest?" "Oh, well done, Ruth." "Ruth has won six chocolate coins - two large, two medium and two small." "Here are the coins to do with what you would like to do with them." "Are you sharing?" "Oh!" "Everyone just stand behind Emily." "Me." "Stand behind me." "We all want big ones, you see." "Emily gets..." "There you go." "Thank you." "I'm having the other big one." "Yeah, that's fine." "Can I have a big one?" "I said I'm having the other big one." "Aw..." "No." "That medium one." "You have to take it." "Ruth decides!" "Ruth decides." "Because I'm the winner." "I'm not being your friend." "I'm not Ruth's friend, never again." "Every time I come here, I'm not playing with you or being your friend." "Well..." "All I wanted is that medium one but you gave me a small one." "She got a small one." "She didn't mind." "And she got a big one." "Why did you give her a big one?" "Cos she was first." "'Really, it's not their face value that's important." "'It's their social value." "Yeah.'" "But it's the currency of the friendship and it's so powerful." "She was being really nice to me today." "Well, now I'm not your friend." "When Sienna joined, Ruth was really clear about offering her an olive branch" " I'll take care of you, I'll be your friend," "I'll welcome you in." "And now Sienna finds herself, actually, at the edge or bottom of the social rank and, immediately, Sienna is really unhappy with that." "Come on, everyone, let's go." "Come..." "No, go away!" "All I wanted is that medium one." "Oh, this is a..." "This is a big one." "Does she relent and give her the bigger one?" "You can have that if you want." "'She has!" "'" "She's relented and given her the larger coin." "Aw..." "I gave her a middle one." "That's kind." "Why is it important to be kind to new people?" "Because..." "Otherwise, they won't be kind to you." "All right." "So, I am going to do a little bit of a competition." "You're going to be in pairs." "In the afternoon, the children have been given the task of dressing up their partners." "So, Sienna, you and Arthur are going to work together." "Arthur and Sienna, get together." "Emily, you are going to be working with Joshua, and, Devon and Emilia, you are going to be working together." "All right, so, in the boxes..." "I saw costumes!" "As a couple, you have to dress each other." "The prize will go to the most creative." "THEY SHRIEK" "Oh, stop!" "Emilia, I'm dressing you and you're dressing me." "This is a task that requires them to focus less on themselves and much more on the other partner." "I don't like it!" "You have to have it cos I have to dress you." "And as we know for five-year-olds, everything they do they approach from their self-perspective first, and we're constantly moving them outside of that and saying," ""What about the other person?"" "Emilia's just dressing herself!" "Emilia's dressing herself." "Emilia's become quite mesmerised by presenting her own image." "Emilia is the youngest member of the group." "Has she moved out of that egocentric point where it's me first?" "I don't think she has." "Some of us never do!" "I'm going to put this on." "Get with your partner." "You've got to dress Arthur, Sienna." "He's already got dressed." "He's only wearing a hat." "Sienna doesn't seem at all interested in what Arthur does." "Sienna!" "Aw." "You see, Arthur's quite capable of thinking of what she needs." "I'm looking for a team to win." "My partner isn't dressing." "Well, you need to help him, Sienna." "I am." "I'll hold your hat." "It's back to front." "I can't see any holes." "Guys, another five minutes." "Quickly." "I think we should be wedding people." "And all wedding people have hats." "They have crowns." "You'd look good in this!" "You look like a real grown man." "Like a crown on." "That's a bit too big." "Doesn't matter." "All right!" "Everyone onto the steps, please!" "Come on." "Sit with your partner." "Emilia and Devon." "He's dressed as a Viking." "No, a knight." "A knight." "She has a ladybird dress, and I put lipstick all over her face!" "Joshua and Emily." "She's dressed as a queen." "He's a person from long ago." "And Sienna and Arthur." "She's a wedding girl." "She has a pair of sunglasses." "Sienna, can you put the glasses on for us, so we can see your whole outfit?" "Oh, brilliant." "Thank you very much." "Can you tell us about Arthur's outfit?" "(I'm a wedding boy.) He's a wedding boy." "Yeah." "He's wearing a hat and glasses and a purse." "OK." "The best-dressed couple is..." "Arthur and Sienna!" "Well done!" "SHE SIGHS lt;" "You're the best things ever!" "Right, what are we going to do?" "Let's play mums and dads." "I'll be the mum." "And I'll be the dad." "My mum has a real wedding ring." "I know." "Cos she got married." "Maybe we can live together when we're older." "Maybe we can get married when we're older." "Where's your crowns, guys?" "We're playing mums and dads." "Oh, no, I forgot the baby!" "Don't forget the baby!" "We've got to get married." "Yeah." "She's not looking." "THEY LAUGH" "'He's going in." "He's going in!" "'" "Aw..." "She's going to come in the house." "The tension there was palpable, wasn't it?" "That's broken the moment a bit." "Everyone stay out." "Yeah." "I know a good place for us." "There's a deckchair over there too." "We're staying in here." "Pretend this was where the wedding was." "We've got to get married." "'What is fascinating is, Arthur has stayed with this play narrative.'" "I mean, most boys would have run a mile at this point." "Come on, Arthur, stop stalling!" "Oh!" "Don't lose the moment!" "We know that children will role-play, and role-play is a safe way of exploring something g." "Will I move in while you're out?" "Just buy me a ring." "But then there's that moment when it comes out of role-play, it comes out of fantasy, and they really are going to kiss, and it feels like that moment is much more between the two of them..." "You get the feeling this is something that hasn't happened before..." "Yeah. ..as well." "There wasn't any rings at that shop." "And actually, kissing of this type, at that age, can be very much a part of children's normal development." "It's a common exploratory behaviour." "Come in the house." "Oh, we got a baby boy." "KISS" "Arthur, tell me, what is love?" "So, if you love someone, it means that you really like someone." "Where do babies come from?" "They come from the stork." "The stork brings them when they're at hospital." "Go back to your house." "Back in the playground, someone else is feeling left out." "Stop looking at our treehouse." "She's coming in." "No, she isn't." "She's on the bench." "'Emilia is very socially sophisticated." "'She can read the plot - Sienna is banishing her, 'and in this beautiful moment, 'she takes on the notion of the fairy tale,' and uses it to show her disdain at having been evicted..." "..rather poetically sticking with the fantasy theme of fairy tales, a bit like Sleeping Beauty" " I curse your baby and all will be lost!" "Go away!" "It is not your house!" "It is everyone's." "Yeah, but we're just pretending it's all our house." "Well, this is not acceptable!" "OK." "She keeps butting into this dynamic." "Which of these two people does she want?" "Why can't you live on the blue mat?" "She wants what Sienna has." "She wants an interaction with Sienna." "Yes." "And that's an important point, because we assume that all children, when they approach each other, want play, co-operation and positivity, but sometimes they do want that cause and effect," ""I'll poke you and see what happens"." "They want the exchange, regardless of whether it's positive or not." "OK, I'll live under here." "'What I'm seeing is Emilia completely understanding 'that she is being given the Cinderella treatment, 'she's being sent to the basement.'" "Today's our wedding." "You have to stay down there and have fun while we have our wedding." "I'm blind!" "I'm blind!" "I can't see anything!" "I'm blind!" "Kids are not allowed to weddings." "All right, Sienna and Arthur, Emilia, can you take off your costumes, guys?" "Arthur, we never had our wedding." "We never done our kiss at the wedding." "Why didn't you do it?" "I don't know." "Cos you didn't say you wanted to do it." "I kept telling you." "Come on!" "Arthur and Sienna, costumes off now!" "I've gone blind!" "I've gone blind." "I can't see anything." "I've gone blind." "Help!" "I'm blind." "Shall we be friends again?" "Yeah." "'Was it the success of their task that cemented something?" "'" "Because Sienna was genuinely thrilled at having won that, and was it the fact that they were partners in that task that cemented them for the afternoon?" "Yeah." "It's not a natural pairing." "They haven't been particularly friendly." "No." "I'm stuck in the box!" "She's stuck in the box." "Get me out!" "Let her out, please." "Are you all right, Emily?" "We get to sit next to each other cos our chairs are next to each other." "Yeah." "Remember, pairs." "A boy and a girl, someone who you don't normally play with." "He's with me." "Maybe you can have Joshua." "Maybe Joshua." "We're all in pairs!" "Where's the pink mat?" "Let me climb back up." "Stay there." "Stay there." "Stay." "OK." "Don't come down." "I'm coming up." "This way." "I'm making it." "I'm making it." "I made it!" "I made it!" "I made it!" "I did make it!" "Not so hard." "No, not so hard, Alfie." "Oh, but it's got to be hard." "It's the middle of the week and the children are inside for free play but one child doesn't want to join in." "Bye!" "Last time George was here, we saw that he seemed to lack confidence and was a bit quiet in group situations." "He really doesn't cope very well, does he?" "Right, straight to the playground." "Off you go!" "He's quite sensitive to that situation and he likes to keep his distance from it." "I need change!" "As an adult, you've got quite a lot of control over how much socialising you do or don't do." "As a child, you have quite a high level of enforced socialisation, so, if that doesn't fit with your personality, that's quite difficult." "Can you sit over on that end?" "An inside picnic!" "George..." "For lunch today, George and the other children have been asked to bring in a dish that reflects their culture." "Everyone has brought something in that's a little bit special from home." "It's to share with your friends, OK?" "So you might want to tell your friends what it is that you brought." "Arthur has brought a Venezuelan dish." "Emily, would you like one of these?" "What are they?" "Corn pancakes with cheese on them." "It's not sweet." "It is sweet." "They're very sweet." "Look at this!" "There." "Miss, I don't like them!" "Same, I don't like them." "Ruth has brought jollof rice, a recipe from Ghana." "It's from a different country." "It's really nice, though." "Do you want a bite of mine?" "These are mine." "I don't like it." "George, is it a special family recipe?" "You did?" "What's in it?" "Do you think you should maybe see if people want to try it?" "I have." "Lily and Emily and Emilia, would you like to try some of George's special pasta?" "He's upset again." "This is his family recipe, this is part of his identity." "It's so key." "I know a few people wanted to have yours." "You did?" "Oh, my goodness!" "Really?" "No, you did not, George." "I'd really like to see George a little bit less anxious in these structured group situations." "Did you miss me?" "Because, you know, he's got a lot of confidence in many other areas." "And, in order to help him fit in better with the group, he's got to get those big emotions under control." "Do you want some more things to eat?" "No." "Ah, I get it." "You're not hungry any more." "All right, everyone outside." "OK, so sit on a seat next to your partner, please." "It's the afternoon and the children have been set a painting task." "I would like you to paint a picture of your partner." "Alfie, you'll be painting a picture of Ruth." "OK, he's going to do a silly one." "I know it." "Do you want your partner to draw a silly picture of you?" "No." "Don't do a silly one." "Yeah, so, George, you'll be painting a picture of Lily and, Lily, you'll be painting a picture of George." "I will need help to do her eyes!" "Both got the same coloured eyes!" "Yeah!" "Cos look." "He's got a fringe!" "All right." "The children will decide who's painted the best picture and the winner gets a medal." "Remember, Ruth, you are painting a picture of Alfie." "Alfie, who are you painting a picture of?" "Ruth." "Good." "Do you want to have brown hair?" "Red or pink lips?" "Why?" "So, in the painting task, there are two additional psychological pressures." "The first one comes from the fact that you are painting the person next to you." "Look at your face!" "Look, you've got a chicken nugget face." "No!" "Is that me?" "I don't know!" "And that inevitably means they're going to be paying closer attention to what you're doing and you may receive more criticism as a result." "Look!" "Ruth, do you like mine?" "No, I don't like yours." "You have to do my eyebrows, my whole entire face." "You just mixed it." "The other pressure comes from confronting somebody else's representation of you." "Look!" "I got you eyelashes!" "Here's your eyelashes, eyebrows." "They're just curvy." "Don't laugh!" "It's not funny." "It's nice." "Oh, this is totally going wrong." "You forgot to do the inside of my face!" "The inside of my face." "You have to colour me brown." "Don't do what I done!" "It's part of her." "It's part of her identity, her picture." "She's not very pleased with how Alfie's going about it!" "I like that face!" "You're covering my eyes!" "Erm..." "Oh, sorry." "I couldn't find anywhere else." "Just a huge brown puddle." "It's a bit Rorschach ink blot now, isn't it?" "This is your brown face." "This is your mouth." "These are your eyes here." "These..." "We can't barely see your eyes." "That's what I don't like about it." "This is your nose here." "These are your eyes." "This is your colour face." "This is your chin and this is your mouth." "I don't like it." "How do you not like that?" "You've done it all wrong." "I don't like anything that you're doing." "But..." "But..." "Ruth..." "I don't like it." "I was trying to win a medal, but... that's all I can do." "I'm not very good at face painting." "I still don't like it." "Look at you." "I like that face." "Do you?" "Yeah." "Why don't I add some..." "No." "Yes." "No." "Too late." "What is that?" "I'm just doing the writing to say what it is." "That says mouth." "Oh, no!" "You're destroying it!" "No!" "Don't do that!" "This is the first time I've seen Alfie so motivated to please others but you can see he's becoming really unsettled." "It's unavoidable now in this situation." "I know." "And this is a task that requires a real degree of understanding of the other." "I mean, this task is a real press for theory of mind and social understanding." "Are you all right, Alf?" "That's all I can do." "You've tried your best, haven't you, Alfie?" "Yeah." "And that's all I can ask from you, OK?" "And I'm really impressed with people who try their best because you guys are going to be voting who you think the best painting is, OK?" "Who you think the best painting is?" "Lily, do you think my best painting's good?" "I don't know." "Take a look." "It depends." "George?" "You might lose." "Yeah, you might lose." "What do you think?" "Oh..." "Oh..." "I wish I was in that team." "What?" "He wishes he was in that team." "Yeah, but it can't be three teams." "Yeah." "So, if you were in that team, I wouldn't have a partner." "No, but I could..." "No, you're not swapping with me." "There's a real intensity about Alfie, isn't there?" "Yeah." "He's quite literal." "You know, this is the most painful and difficult thing that children of this age have to do." "When you stop being quite so obsessed with yourself and start tuning into the thoughts and feelings and needs of others, you realise that you're getting it wrong." "Imagine that moment of self-awareness." "I mean, who wants to charge full-long into that?" "It's potentially painful." "Yes, because what you're left with is this feeling of "I'm not getting it right."" "Alfie's going to cry." "Are you all right, Alf?" "It looks like Alfie's going to cry." "Well, why do you think that is, Ruth?" "Because Alfie's been trying really hard to do his best picture of you that he can, yeah?" "Haven't you, Alfie, yeah?" "And that's all I can ask from anyone." "OK, guys, pick up the painting you did and very carefully come and sit down on a chair." "Hold it out." "Come and sit down." "Make sure you have a look at everyone's." "I know everybody's just going to pick Alfie because he's crying." "It's up to you guys who you pick." "Right, Ruth, whose do you think is the best and why?" "Ruth, whose do you think is the best?" "I think this is a dilemma for Ruth because she wants to be kind to Alfie but she just cannot nominate his picture of her." "Ruth, what's up, sweetie?" "Can you tell us?" "I think she doesn't want to answer." "Why don't you want to choose the one that you like the best?" "I think that's why she couldn't recognise whose was the best because she didn't think mine was good." "There is this amazing moment." "If you could watch development go in stages, this is the moment for Alfie." "Hallelujah." "Alfie has had a window into Ruth's mind." "That whole bit of psychology that we take for granted every day - understanding other people's motives, their feelings, their thoughts." "It's like Alfie had a tube and he just looked into Ruth's head and he went," ""I get why she's upset."" "According to the votes, the painting that you guys have decided the best is Lily's painting." "Ha-ha!" "Here we go." "Well done." "I've got to say, you all worked really, really hard on those." "Kate!" "Yes." "Ruth is crying." "Because she didn't win." "My tears were streaming down my cheeks but I was just washing my eyes, that's all." "Don't worry about that." "Get on a handle, we're going to bring it all the way up." "All right, ready?" "One, two, three, up!" "Devon and Alfie!" "Change, change, change!" "It's the end of the week, the final day for our five year olds." "And come and sit down." "SCREAMING" "Who let go?" "It's a catastrophe!" "Charlie, uh-uh!" "I'm on the top bench." "This morning, the boys are taking part in a football competition and George has been asked to lead it." "You are going to have a penalty shoot out." "What's a penalty shoot out?" "George is going to explain." "What is a penalty shoot out?" "What do we have to do, George?" "One team when... somebody from, like, West Ham trips over one of the Arsenal players," "it's a penalty and they get a free kick to score in their goal without moving anybody." "Do you know what, George?" "Do you think you can organise these guys?" "Yeah." "You might need the whistle." "Uh-oh!" "'Operating within a group requires a skill set that has to be learnt.'" "What I want to see is George putting his toe in the water in terms of the group and learning some of those skills and seeing him more confident." "Tell them what they're going to do, George." "When I pick you and I blow the whistle, that means it's your turn to try and score a goal against me." "So he goes first to score." "You." "Right, score." "Kick it through his legs!" "THEY LAUGH" "All right, it's your go, Alfie." "Kick to me." "It's a bit hilly." "Well saved, George." "Go!" "Oh, I'm not very good." "Try and aim for the middle." "Goal!" "Yeah!" "Your turn." "'George has reorganised everybody, he's giving them advice,' he's corrected them when they've made a mistake." "BLOWS WHISTLE I want to run around." "Sit down!" "Everybody sit down and be quiet." "George, you haven't had your turn yet." "Miss!" "THEY LAUGH" "'He also takes it really well when people are laughing at him." "'That shows a lot of emotional regulation' and it's a really big leap forward for him." "Wait, wait, I want to do something." "ELIZABETH: 'George has been on a huge journey." "'It's magnificent to see him commanding this group.'" "The winner!" "'He's just a constant reminder to me that actually' you can set children up to be incredibly successful if you approach it the right way." "All right, everybody on the benches now, please." "Today is sports day and the children have been divided into teams." "Charlie, feet on the floor, please." "Five, four..." "Are you ready for the racing?" "No!" "Yes!" "All right..." "Have you got prizes?" "Yes, there will be prizes for the winning team." "First race is a three-legged race." "I'm not doing this!" "Don't worry, she might not pick you." "ALL:" "Five, four, three, two, one!" "Go!" "Emily!" "Run!" "Run!" "Emily!" "Emily!" "OK, go, Ruth, your turn." "Emilia, quick, quick, quick." "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Emilia!" "Whoa!" "Stop!" "Ow!" "Next, the hoop race." "Emily!" "Emily!" "Emily!" "Yeah!" "We won, we won!" "All right..." "Emily's team have won a whole basket of prizes." "The losing team are left empty-handed." "We should've had a go, we should've won." "Why are you sad?" "Cos we never won the race." "Yeah, we didn't get a prize." "Sharing an emotional experience is a really good basis for friendship 'and that's true for positive experiences 'as well as negative experiences.'" "'That sense of disappointment is uniting Ruth 'and Sienna together and cementing their friendship.'" "Yeah." "So maybe I can come to your house." "Yeah, sure." "ELIZABETH: 'We've seen learning in action this week 'with the children developing their emotional intelligence 'and making mutual connections, taking on the perspective of others' and therefore developing really solid and meaningful friendships." "Go backwards and get on the pavement." "I can't!" "Let me try." "We're stuck." "The grass is stronger than the go kart." "INTERVIEWER:" "What's it like being five?" "It's OK, but I'm really looking forward to be six." "When you're six and you're in year two, you definitely have to do more work." "I got you down!" "I got you down!" "OK, get up." "No, I can't." "INTERVIEWER: 'Is it important to get stars and rewards?" "'" "No, it's important what you feel inside." "We're winning!" "Oh." "Alfie!" "Shall I drive?" "No." "How many years are you and Alfie going to be friends?" "Not years, forever." "Forever." "What do you like about Emily?" "She's so good and she loves me so much." "ALFIE SCREAMS" "I like lifting you up." "Shall I lift you up?" "Yeah." "You're the queen." "And you're the king." "Yeah!" "We married each other." "Yeah." "I'll marry you, I promise." "Next time..." "Ready for gorilla!" "..the six year olds arrive." "There's cross-dressing..." "On my street, there's a man who dresses up as a woman." "Pull!" "..fierce competition..." "Come on!" "Do you know what competitive means?" "Pardon?" "Competitive means you want to win always." "..and more romance in the playground." "You can kiss him." "Kiss him first." "But on the lips." "Subtitles by Ericsson"