"2 AUTUMNS 3 WINTERS" "Part One" "Autumn 2009" "The man is 33." "He's still a young man." "The young man is 33." "He lives in Paris, he's single." "His job is irrelevant." "Too much importance is given to people's professional occupation." "It's only normal." "It takes up most of their time, their life." "It's normal but sometimes, it isn't interesting." "In Arman's case, it isn't interesting." "So how is the life of a young 33-year-old man called Arman, interesting?" "She's a pretty girl." "Well, I think so." "She's still young." "But already the anxiety of ageing has wrinkled her face." "She doesn't try to conceal it." "She says she'll never have plastic surgery." "Ever." "It's weird at her age." "What age?" "27 and a half." "And in life... she's searching." "A year ago, she got her history of art degree." "Since then she's been searching, like all intellectuals." "She'd like to earn a living writing about art." "For now, she works in a gallery." "Oh yes, by the way, she's called Amélie." "And she hates her name." "She thinks it's too nice." "A few weeks ago, she told her mother that." "It caused a right row." "3Something has to happen" "On Saturdays or Sundays..." "if on the Saturday, she didn't feel like it, the girl runs in a Paris park." "She lives in Paris too." "I run too." "Well, on my 33rd birthday," "I decided to run twice a week in the park near my place." "My 33rd birthday was a day of revelation." "I have to quit smoking, take up sports, find a proper job." "Right now, to earn a living," "I do one McJob after another." "It isn't very interesting." "Actually it's really boring, to be honest." "And then I quit." "Right now, I..." "I'm in a big quitting period." "And, well, I'm 33." "Something really has to happen." "It was sunny." "I was looking down." "I sometimes run like that." "And he, who never does, had the sun in his eyes." "I turned a corner with my head down and he was coming the other way with the sun in his eyes." "We collided." "I'm..." "I'm sorry." "You OK?" "Yes." "Fine." "And you?" "Fine." "Thanks." "Well... that's good!" "Yes." "It is." "Yes." "Crap conversation." "Yes." "It was really crap." "Totally boring." "But it's the start of our relationship." "Right, well then, I'll..." "I'll go." "Enjoy your run!" "That's how left each other." "And we both continued our run." "Then we met again on the next lap." "We smiled awkwardly." "And we both went home... to have a shower." "42 Saturdays and 2 Sundays" "The following Saturday, I went back to the park." "I'd bought a black tracksuit with white stripes at Go Sport." "It was the first time in my life" "I'd ever bought such expensive sports gear." "A real investment." "Pretty smart, huh?" "It's kind of gothic - people never change - and sporty." "You can change even at 30." "Obviously, my reason for turning up had a lot to do with my hoping to see Amélie again." "I ran for 45 minutes, but no Amélie that Saturday." "Never mind!" "I'll come back tomorrow" "Back at home, in the shower," "I thought about my tracksuit with white stripes that was going round and round in the washing machine and that'd never be dry in the morning, for Amélie." "The following day, I wore bermudas, a light grey t-shirt and bright yellow hoodie, which makes me look, I think, like a teenager." "A kind of cute teenager." "More hip hop than new wave." "Mind you..." "Well, why not?" "I walked for an hour." "And still no Amélie." "Sunday lunchtime, the following weekend," "I faced the facts:" "the young woman I met 2 weeks ago, has stopped running weekends." "I'll never see her again." "End of story." "My name's Benjamin and I'm a friend of Arman." "We met 10 years ago, at art school in Bordeaux." "Arman was doing kind of figurative painting and I was making intimist single-channel videos, as we said back then." "Or installations." "We hit it off immediately." "I really liked his paintings." "He forced himself to find my videos interesting." "But that didn't matter." "We spent 5 years at art school together." "Together against the world." "Well, almost." "We loved hating some students, those who took themselves for Beuys or Gena Pane." "Who ate rotten meat or quoted Nietzsche, naked in bearskins." "We shared our studio with Hazuki, a very funny Japanese student, who could take her drink and did weird drawings where naked young girls copulated with horned beasts." "We left art school after 5 years, graduates, a little older and above all, a bit more depressive." "Arman moved to Paris." "He followed Céline, a pretty girl he'd met at a party, who studied literature." "I spent another year in the city, fuelling my post-graduate depression." "I smoked cannabis and drank every day, while discussing my projects with other graduates." "...in resin." "A real kebab in a block." "It was like a brick." "I watched it... gradually rot." "After a while, the resin cracked." "I began to hate myself." "Then my Parisian grandma died." "Her apartment was empty." "I went up to Paris too." "I enrolled at uni, to study film." "After 5 years of art school, I wanted to do a proper degree." "The first film I saw with Benjamin, in Paris," "I remember very clearly." "It was Eugène Green's The Living World." "I'm the knight with a lion." "You have a lion?" "Of course." "I wouldn't have said a lion." "I am the knight with a lion." "The Living World is a mediaeval tale with knights, Lacanian witches, an ogre and a lion played by a labrador." "Eugène Green said he wants to capture through film the presence of beings." "And his project was an incredible success." "Benjamin called me today to invite me to see the latest Judd Apatow, Funny People." "The film was on at 10:20pm at the MK2 Beaubourg." "Funny People tells the story of George Simmons, a successful Hollywood comedian." "He learns at the beginning that he has leukaemia and, with the treatment, an 8% chance of recovery." "He decides to return to the stage, where he was discovered." "After the film, we went for a beer at the bar next to the cinema." "We were talking admiringly about "Apatow's greatest film", wondering why we felt the same emotion at exactly the same time, when all of a sudden the waiter, who looked so much like Michel Delpech," "it was disturbing, came to tell us the bar was closing." "He said it ever so softly with a sweet smile." "I'm parked over there." " Right..." " I'm walking home." "Good luck then." " See you tomorrow." " Yes." "See you." "It was cool." "Yeah." "Bye." "7Paris by Night on a Bike" "Here I am on my bike in Rue Rambuteau." "As a tribute to the waiter, I've found in the depths of my iPod a Michel Delpech compilation." "I am riding along listening to Le Chasseur." "As the wild geese fly towards the Mediterranean," "I ride through the Marais." "Over the lake, I suddenly saw" "Wild geese flying by" "They were heading south" "To the Mediterranean" "A flock of partridges Over the fields" "Flew towards the clouds" "After a few metres," "I come across a guy running as if he were being chased by the devil or the police." "But there's no one at his heels, not the devil or the cops." "I carry on." "I'm about to turn into Rue des Commines, to get to Rue Oberkampf, when suddenly, in the middle of the last verse, when Michel Delpech speaks of his desire to join the birds" ""up there, in the clouds"," "I think I hear a scream." "I stop... listen out." "Another scream." "That of a woman." "A young woman." "Coming from the alley." "I think of George Simmons," "Judd Apatow's hero, of his bravery in the film." "I get off my bike." "I go over to the alley." "I walk into darkness." "8The chef's tiramisu" "Guillaume has invited me to dinner." "He's the guy I've been dating for the past 6 months." "I met him in a bar, where he was djing." "He's a DJ." "I fell for him." "Guillaume works almost every night, but not tonight." "He's decided to take me to a restaurant owned by a friend of his." "On getting there, I see it's a bar that serves food." "A place where the music's loud and the food frozen." "A young woman puts the board on a chair facing us, like in restaurants for broke thirtysomethings." "Err, um..." "I'll have a house hamburger, please." "Yes." "The salmon steak." "Do you want wine?" "There's a good Madiran." "We take the Madiran." "I felt like drinking." "OK." "Great." "I'd brought a few vinyls that I love." "Electro." "It was awesome." "In my bag and stuff." "I hadn't seen Guillaume for a week and what he was saying, was dead boring." "Guillaume, I hadn't realized at first, was one of those people who never ask questions and are capable of telling you exactly the same story two days later, thinking it's the first time." "I had a pain in my back and my legs you just can't imagine." "Do you want dessert?" "Want to see the menu?" "I'm good." "Thanks." "I was praying he'd understand" "I wanted to get the hell out of there, and ask for the bill." "Yes." "I'd like..." "the chef's tiramisu." "But instead he went and ordered the chef's fucking tiramisu." "Where was I?" "Yes." "My backache." "Backache." "I was stuck in bed for three whole days." "9Think of nothing till tomorrow" "I want to sleep with you." "I want to be alone in my flat." "I want to forget tonight and think of nothing till tomorrow." "I don't answer." "Right..." "I'll drop you off." "It's on my way." "If you like." "Nice evening, huh?" "Are you in a mood?" " No, I'm not in a mood." " You are." "We carried on walking in silence." "It was kind of heavy." "2 guys in hoodies jumped out of an alleyway." "Your dosh!" "Don't move!" "Stay there!" "This all you've got?" "And you?" "The guy grabbed my handbag." "He emptied it and took my wallet." "He find a 10 euro note." "Beat it!" "Did you hear me?" "Guillaume didn't wait to be told again." "No!" "10 A blow in the heart" "It's dark." "What am I doing here?" "I can see three figures." "There are two men wearing hoodies and black tracksuits, and... and... a young woman." "She's struggling to break free from the ninjas' clutches." "I shout at them." "A kind of weird onomatopoeia comes out of my mouth." "OK, so it's not very virile." "I face them." "Without really knowing how to handle this confrontation." "He's the guy who bumped into me a few weeks ago in the park." "It's her..." "The girl in the park." "A suspended moment." "I forget the ninjas." "Time stops." "Pity." "Shame." "Suspended moments never last long enough." "Then everything happened fast." "I must have said, "Let go of her" or something." "That didn't please the small guy, who stabbed me in the belly." "Then the tall guy panicked." "He shouted then they ran off while I was losing blood in Amélie's arms." "This is a first." "We're going fast." "The siren's wailing." "I'm on a stretcher." "Amélie is leaning over me." "Next to her, a guy with a moustache keeps saying," ""Can you hear me?" "Speak to me."" "I really don't feel like talking." "I feel fine." "Amélie is very beautiful with the light behind her." "I'm thinking to myself my life is going to end, at 33, in this fire truck, and that my last image will be of this very pretty girl" "leaning over me." "I can't hear the siren anymore." "I can't feel my body." "Amélie's face vanishes." "I'm not afraid." "I'm not in pain." "My life is flashing past me." "11 White (out of body No.1)" "God, he's lucky he survived." " Look." " Yes." "Touch and go." "From my furry mouth," "I timidly ask a question." "Am I alive?" "No one can hear me." "Not even me." "Then my eyelids close without my brain telling them to." "I fall back into a sleep like I imagine death to be." "All of a sudden, I'm cold, very cold." "Fuck, it's me!" "The guy..." "I can see myself." "I'm standing stiff as pole." "I think, "This is a bad sign."" "I look awful." "Where am I?" "What's this white?" "It looks like nothing." "A total void." "White in front of me, behind me, above me, below me." "White, white, white." "A hand touches my shoulder." "It's my dad." "Hey, what are you..." "Why are you here?" "He died when I was 20 of lung cancer." "I've no idea." "I was stabbed." "Gosh!" "I don't think I'm dead." "But I'm not sure." "No." "You must be on morphine." "Really?" "At the end of my cancer," "I was put on my morphine." "I had weird visions." "Well, I'm reassured because..." "I really had a doubt." "I was stabbed, everything's white..." "No." "Trust me." "Death isn't like this." "I know what I'm talking about." "If you say so..." "Just look." " What?" " Your arm." " What about it?" " You're starting to disappear." "Fuck, yes!" "I'm disappearing." "I reckon, in a few seconds, you'll be back in the hospital." "Hang on!" "We haven't had time to chat." "Goodbye, Arman." "Wait, Dad!" "Dad!" "Look, I'm still here." "All of a sudden..." "I notice a figure coming towards me." "Fuck, it's Amélie." "There I was, lying on a bed, alive" " I was sure now -, and a young woman whose charm I'd succumbed to and who saw me as a hero was keeping me company." "There were no awkward silences between us at all." "The words came easily." "We laughed." "We got acquainted." "13 Chileans in Survivor 3 days ago, I was moved to the 12th floor of Bichat Hospital." "On the 3rd day, Benjamin met Amélie." "When we were alone, he asked what I was waiting for... to implement my approach strategy." "My approach strategy!" "Well, that made me think." "I have a TV." "Like every night, I couldn't help switching it on." "And that's when I suddenly discovered" "Survivor." "It's basically a show... that involves... dropping contestants off on a desert island and making them compete in different challenges, all sorts of tests, in tiny swimsuits on pretty little beaches." "For instance, to score quite a few points, they have to eat dried scorpions." "But they spend most of their time saying really bitchy things about the others and scheming against the weakest contestant." "Good evening." "Here's the image of the day." "It was feared the survivors would be ill and weak." "But it was a group of perfectly healthy men that was rescued in Chile." "A technical feat." "A cause for national celebration too." "Here's the report from Dorothée Olliéric." "No one wanted to go up first and steal the limelight." "In the end, 31-year-old Florencio Avalos was chosen." "Greeted by applause from the rescuers, the miner emerged calmly." "Mario!" "We're waiting for you!" "Thanks, everyone!" "Thanks!" "After those images, Mario Sepulveda, the first miner to speak to the press, appeared on the screen and said," ""I was with God." ""I was with the Devil." ""They both tried to get me." ""And it was God who won." ""I took God's hand." ""He got me out of there."" "I dreamt that night." "In my dream, the Chilean miners were competing on Survivor." "Mario Sepulveda, bare-chested and in a swimsuit, was moaning about his companions' lack of physical commitment." "14 BAM" "It's funny..." "It's funny it happened like that, on leaving the hospital, 2 weeks after the accident, when Arman had just told me about meeting his dad in the void, the day he thought he was dead." "I never go to the doctor." "I'm never ill, never have flu, or the slightest problem." ""A force of nature", as my mum would say." "And then... bam!" "That night, in a street near the hospital, as I was heading to the metro thinking about Arman's experience and, I have to admit, feeling kind of envious," "I suddenly got a terrible headache." "As if my brain were about to explode." "I lost my balance." "I fell over." "Half of my body was in a laurel bush, the other on the tarmac." "I couldn't move." "I couldn't feel my body." "The pain disappeared." "I'm in the bush, face down on the wet earth, near the roots." "A new world." "My own white landscape." "I'd like to shout but..." "I cannot." "Nothing happens for ages." "I start feeling lonely." "I'm bored." "Just as I'm getting desperate, a tired old cat appears." "Its shining nyctalope's eyes look into my dark, dull eyes." "I get the impression it has taken a liking to me." "The rhythm of its purring, the compassionate way it looks at me, really touch me." "And yet, it leaves me after a while." "And I sink back again into the loneliness of my existence." "16 I emerge from the bush" "Maybe I fell asleep." "Day has broken when a thing hits the other part of my body." "The part I'd almost forgotten, on the tarmac." "Sir!" "Hey, sir!" "I cannot answer." " He swears." " Fuck!" "This is well heavy!" "I want to shake him so he fetches someone." ""Come on!" "Go get help."" "I'm afraid he'll leave." "But he takes his phone out of his low-waisters and calls the emergency services." " Hello?" " Thanks, kid." "Hello..." "Farewell world of the bush." "Then an ambulance arrives." "Stretcher!" "It looks serious." ""Sir!" "Can you hear me?"" "Transport." "Back to square one." "The hospital round the corner." "Lift." "Lower ground floor." "Emergency scan." "Diagnosis:" "CVA." "Cerebral vascular accident." "Intensive care unit." "Head down, legs in the air." "What a night!" "17 CVA" "The sequelae depend on the area of the brain and the functions it controls." "The bigger the area deprived of oxygen, the worse the sequelae are." "After a CVA, some people will find it difficult to speak or write, and have memory problems." "They can also suffer from a paralysis of the body." "I was supposed to leave hospital tomorrow." "And Benjamin was admitted with his 3-letter thing, which had damaged his brain." "Since this morning, visits have been allowed." "10 minutes, no more." "Amélie comes with me." "When we get out of the lift, we follow the arrows saying "cerebral attack"." "The tilted bed keeps my head down." "This is done to prevent the risk of another attack." "It must be frightening to see me like this." "You have to get close to see my face." "Arman comes over." "Amélie stays where she is." "I'm afraid to meet his eye, to break down in tears." "But this anxiety vanishes when I look down at him." "The paralysis of half his body gives his face a funny expression... strangely cheerful." "I think he's smiling at me." "And his smile seems to say:" ""Don't worry."" "At that moment, I'm convinced he'll make it, that it's some kind of experiment and he'll be the better for it." "I take my friend's hand." "And he smiles at me." "18 Sarkozy doesn't exist." "The 8th day after my CVA and my stay in the bush." "My bed is now flat." "My head is at the same level as the rest of my body." "I can raise my left arm and move my leg." "Each word is an effort, but I start speaking again." "But the weirdest sequelae affect my mind and my memory." "The doctor, to stimulate my brain and test my progress, comes in and asks questions which, very often, leave me distraught." "Can you tell me which continent France is on?" " Europe." " Excellent." "Can you tell me the name of the President of the Republic?" "Chirac." "No, it isn't Chirac." "My parents are there." "They give me a pitiful look." "Is isn't Chirac?" ""Poor child," they seem to be thinking." "Here's a clue." "His wife is an ex model." "He's talking like I'm a kid." "He's taking the piss." "But Dad shrugs his shoulders as if in approval." "She's a singer too." "That's all I needed!" "Well?" "Well... nothing." "Bernadette Chirac?" "The first letter of his name is S." "I'm still thinking of Bernadette Chirac." "S..." "After a while, he says "Sarkozy"." "Sarkozy..." "It all comes back to me." "19 Rue Orfila" "Autumn has turned harsh." "The girls have put away their skimpy clothes." "Skirts, tights and leather boots are back at last." "It's my favourite season." "I'm thinking about clothes when, at the end of Rue Orfila, the sight of a young women with a pushchair makes me feel sick." "It's definitely Céline." "The girl I moved to Paris with and with whom I spent five years of my life." "I hadn't seen her since we split up." "Actually, I had." "Once." "It had been a disaster." "She wanted us to stay friends." "She'd left me and she wanted us to stay friends." "For me, it was unthinkable." "How could she ask me that?" "There she was ahead of me with, in a pushchair, a child that wasn't ours." "I came to halt by the metro and I watched her disappear around the corner of the street." "How come after all this time me and Amélie haven't slept together?" "Now that Benjamin is better," "I have to take things in hand." "Yes." "Hello!" "Hi, it's Arman." "How are you?" "Yes." "Fine." "I was calling..." "It's really silly..." "Well..." "Actually, I was thinking of you..." "I saw a film by Bresson which made me..." "I was thinking of you..." "Not exactly of you..." "Because Bresson is..." "But I was thinking of you in a more metaphorical way." "Well, a more..." "In Four Nights of a Dreamer." "Maybe you've seen it?" "Anyway, I wondered..." "I thought to myself, "Hey..."" "On seeing the film, "Hey..." It's got nothing to do with Bresson." "As I enjoy food, I thought maybe you did too." "Maybe we could have a..." "Tonight?" "If you..." "At mine." "I have a fridge." "So I could put some..." "Right..." "Great!" "Yes..." "Right, great." "Listen..." "I'll text you my address." "That way, you..." "OK." "Right, well..." "Right, well that's..." "OK, then..." "Ah, no!" "That's it." "Right." "Err..." "It's 4pm now." "So that means I've got... 4 and half hours to..." "One:" "decide on the menu." "Two:" "do the shopping at Simply Market downstairs." "Three:" "Well... cook." "And four:" "tidy the flat, but not too much." "21 Simply Market" "I found the ingredients fast, which is a good thing already." "I push my trolley to the tills." "Only two are open, as usual." "I hesitate." "Which till?" "I stand behind a guy whose trolley is full of bottled water." "He must bathe in mineral water." "8." "Ah!" "Excuse me." "It's closed, after this gentleman." "This happens every other time!" "Right well, I'll take my carrots." "And go see the old ladies!" "One old lady is asking the cashier to look in her purse for the right change." "Another old lady is methodically putting 15 tins of cat food on the conveyor belt." "Teens with fringes are redoing their fringes." "And a homeless guy... comes and stands behind me and counts loads of coins in the palm of his trembling hand." "Fifteen minutes later, I finally get to put my purchases in bags." "That's 47.20 euros, please." "I'll pay by credit card." " Do you have a loyalty card?" " No." " Do you want one?" " No." " May I pay?" " Yes." "22 The dinner" "I shouldn't say this." "Your flat is huge." "It isn't my flat." "Right!" "What I mean is..." "it belongs to a friend who lend me his flat..." "Arman explains to me it isn't his flat." "A rich friend who's moved to New York has lent it to him." "Arman has been squatting it for over a year now." "We start off on the balcony, drinking a glass of champagne." " Cheers!" " Cheers!" "We drink to Benjamin's recovery, his and to our meeting." "And to our meeting!" "In silence, we look at the city that has fallen into night." "Look, if you lean a bit, you can see the Sacré Coeur." "So we lean to see the Sacré Cœur." "The beating of my heart speeds up when his arm accidentally brushes my chest." " Shall we eat?" " Yes." "You take an onion, chop it then fry it with sliced mushrooms and a bit of butter." "You brown it then cover it." "For 40 minutes, you stir it with love." "Ah, right!" " No, but it's true." " I believe you." "While eating his excellent vegetarian lasagne, we talk about my gallery job." "Arman admits he wanted to be a painter." "I was at art school for 5 years." " In Paris?" " No, Bordeaux." "I studied painting." " It's a bit has-been, right?" " No." "It isn't has-been." "I quit." "Well, I gave up." "I was with a girl." "She was the only person who liked my work." "When she left..." "I decided it made no sense to continue." "Right, I'll go..." "Do you want dessert?" "Yes." "The Vacqueyras finished, Arman opened another bottle." "I felt hotter and hotter, more and more drunk." "You drink a lot, huh?" "I'm not used to it." "I drink reasonably, but this..." " I'm opening another one." " I can see that!" "I've had enough wine!" "Hang on, I'm really hot." "Aren't you hot?" "Maybe I'll put some music on." "What are you putting on?" "Do you want..." "Want to sit on the couch?" "It's softer." "Yes." "This album is more well-known..." "Alright." "We got undressed in the middle of the living room." "Thank God I'd hoovered." "20th day after my CVA." "After my physio session," "I fell asleep exhausted." "That was the night my weird sister made contact with me." "Benjamin, it's your sister, Lucie." "If you can hear me, I've managed to penetrate your mind." "I wanted to say hello." "Sorry I haven't done so before." "Don't be mad at me." "I think of you every day, several times even, since Mum told me about you." "This CVA is an alert, Benjamin." "A global alert." "Society is sick and contaminates the weakest and those who resist, to damage them." "You're a victim, big brother, and I am..." "Benjamin!" "There's a problem with the line." "Benjamin, can you hear me?" "I'll contact you later." "Love you!" "PART TWO" "Winter 2010-2011" "It's been over a year since I met Amélie." "It happened in this park, which we are driving past together in a hire car." "Seeing the joggers behind the railings," "I think of the young man I was." "I see myself again in my ridiculous tracksuit and my desire to change my life." "I'm 34 years old now and my life has changed." "I live with a girl with whom... with whom I'm in love." "Benjamin is better." "The speed of his recovery surprised everyone." "Well, everyone except his speech therapist with whom he is having an extra-professional relationship." "We're on our way to spend 4 days with him and Katia, his speech therapist fiancée, in a Swiss village called Finhaut, near the French border." "Katia's uncle lives there." "He owns, as well as his home, a chalet for tourists." "A German holiday group has just cancelled." "The chalet is free." "We're taking advantage of it." "We had to leave the car at Martigny Station as the early and heavy snowfall has made roads impassable without special gear." "We go up to Finhaut in the little train." "We're alone." "Our bodies sway." "On the platform, Katia and Benjamin greet us." "It's the first time we've met Katia." "She's a tiny woman." "Younger than us." "22 or 23, I'd say." "You've lost weight!" "You're handsome." " You look well." " I've recovered." " Isn't he handsome?" " Yes." " Let's go!" " We'll show you the house." "Alright." "Go ahead." "What shall we cook tonight?" " Who was that?" " My cousin." "He's just been dumped." "He's really down." "This is it." "Here we are!" " Is this is?" " Yes." " "Vati Camp."" " Yes." "Usually," "Vati Camp actually accommodates disabled people or groups of sick children." " Isn't that right, Katia?" " Yes." "Addicts too." "I see." "Well, I hope we're good enough." "Course!" "Right, well..." " Let's go." " See, Amélie?" "Vati Camp." " Welcome!" "18 Katia, after the battle" "It's always hard to arrive after the battle." "I hate talking about myself." "But tonight, with two strangers," "I have to do just that." "My big brother lives in Morges." " Morges?" " Yes, Morges." "Near Lausanne." " What does he do?" " He's an analyst." " What sort?" " Psychoanalyst." " When did you leave?" " What?" " Nothing." " What?" "Nothing!" "So when did you leave?" " That's an interesting question." " Thanks." "About 5 yeas ago." "I stayed in Lausanne till I was 18." "I studied medicine in Geneva." "I was with a guy who was studying with me." " What was his name?" " Mathias." "He wanted to study in Paris so I followed him." "A teacher I got on with suggested I do speech therapy." " And..." " A teacher?" " Let her speak." " Only you can ask questions!" "I got into a speech therapy school." "I left my boyfriend." "And then I got hired by the medical practice." "Benjamin is one of my first patients." "Your story makes me want to have a CVA right now." " It's true!" " Don't say that!" " Why not?" " It's harsh." "He almost died." "It's OK, he's fine now." "He's lucky." "It's thanks to Katia." "I'd never have done speech therapy if I hadn't met Katia." "You just want to meet Katia, huh?" " That's right" " Well, you've met her!" " Not Katia." "The idea of Katia." " I've got a fork!" "We went to bed around 2am." "Katia seemed happy to have met my friends." "I was relieved it had gone so well." "Thinking about it, I had no reason to worry." "We made love." "Katia fell asleep in my arms." "Since my CVA, Katia is the only person I've slept with." "Whenever we make love, immediately after" "I feel real anguish and a fear of death." "I'd like to be able to talk to her about it." "17 Les Hauts-Forts Pass" "We walked for 4 hours to get to the summit." "Four long and interminable hours." "I'm not used to walking in the mountains." "It's a first." "It took every last bit of energy for me to reach our goal." "I feel exhausted and find it hard to appreciate the vast landscape before my eyes." "It's so quiet!" "After a very long minute, Arman turned round." "You OK?" "No." "What's the matter?" "What's wrong?" "Hey!" "What's the matter?" "What's wrong?" "It was the first time I had seen Amélie cry." "I had never seen tears pouring from her eyes." "Not once in a whole year." "I don't even recall seeing her eyes glisten." "I took her in my arms." "She stopped sobbing." "I knew at that very second, in my relationship with Amélie, there'd be a before and an after Les Hauts-Forts Pass." "Right." "Shall we get out the cheese?" "They're in my bag." "In France, we know about raclette and fondue." "As we ate, Benjamin talked to us about Swiss cuisine." "Benjamin hates conflict, tense situations." "If a silence is a bit too long, he has to break it." " That fennel sausage..." " Longeole." "Longeole!" "Delicious!" "I love it." "Swiss French cuisine has several different influences while Swiss German cuisine is kind of impervious." "So after a few remarks about the differences between Swiss French cuisine and Swiss German cuisine," "Benjamin starts going on about Alain Tanner's films." ""Talking of Swiss gems, do you know The Salamander?"" "It's one of Katia's favourite films." "I discovered it recently." "It's the story of 2 friends," "Pierre and Paul." "Paul is a writer and Pierre's a journalist." "They decide to write a film based on a news item involving a girl called Rosemonde." "The 2 friends decide to look into this news item, its causes and consequences, each in their own way." "Pierre investigates, Paul turns it into a story." "It's a film that asks fundamental questions." "Paul, what would you say we're doing right now?" "Driving down a road in a car." "No." "What I mean is..." "Do you think this drive will be useful for our work?" "Isn't it a waste of time?" "It's nonsense really." "Thanks to Swiss cuisine and Alain Turner," "Benjamin managed to lift the cloud obscuring Amélie's face." "...meets her and falls in love!" "On the way down," "I wondered if there was a salamander in Benjamin's brain." "15 Finhaut, in the past" "The two days following our trek to Les Hauts-Forts Pass were kind of strange." "Amélie didn't mention her tears." "I didn't try to find out more." "I put it down to tiredness." "We did another walk, which wasn't as taxing." "We ate a lot and drank a bit." "And Katia and Benjamin took us back to the station." "It's the end of the beginning." "He meant to say the beginning of the end." "Of Amélie and Arman." "I hoped he was wrong." "What are you doing?" "I came to get the rifle." " What for?" " I'm going hunting." " You hunt?" " Yes." "What do you hunt?" "Rabbits." " You shoot rabbits?" " Yes." "Me and Jan were five years apart." "As kids, in the holidays, we played together." "I couldn't wait to see him." "He changed at 15, when he started high school." "He wore dark clothes, dyed his hair black and spend hours indoors listening to goth music." "He was just like a vampire." "That was the year I formed The Dead Children, with 2 friends of mine." "Drummer and lead guitar." "I was the bass player." "At first, I sang too, but it was pretty awful." "I couldn't pitch my voice and the result hurt your ears." "So we placed an ad for a singer." "That's how I met Maria." "It was love at first sight." "We went out together." "Then..." "Maria left me a first time." "I made my first suicide attempt." "It was in Vati Camp's garage." "I wanted to hang myself like Ian Curtis, the singer of Joy Division, but the beam collapsed and I broke my arm." "My dad never knew." "Then I started making electronic music." "I sang in German and French." "People said it was like Grauzone," "Stephan Eicher's 2nd band." "That's when Maria met a guy at work." "They had a bit of a fling." "When I found out, I tried to kill myself again." "It was summer." "I drank 2 litres of whisky." "I tried to drown myself." "Like Jeff Buckley." "I went fully clothed into the lake, near Emosson Dam." "Some tourists spotted me." "A guy dived in and pulled me out." "I made the local headlines." "After that, I wound up in a psychiatric clinic." "I spend my days composing songs in French on a four track." "When I had 10 tracks, I sent them to Maria." "She find it so moving, she came back to me." "I left the clinic and we moved in together." "It was good." "It seemed strong." "Then we split up again a month ago." "She kicked me out." "I don't know why." "Can I come with you?" "Where?" "Rabbit hunting." "That's how I prevented the 3rd suicide attempt of Katia's cousin." "Have you ever skinned a rabbit?" "We walked in silence for several minutes." "But the silence was heavy." "I told him about my grandma who'd lived in Pyrenees." "I loved her." "She bred rabbits." "She opened them with a big knife then she skinned them." "She pulled the skin and it came off in one go, just like a jumper." "It was fascinating." "Well, it fascinated me." "We hid behind a tree in the forest and waited for a rabbit." "Then Jan started telling me about Maria, his ex." "He said he and Maria were intensely close but they couldn't stay together." "They rowed over nothing and it was a real tragedy for him." "I told him he had to accept the situation, the way they functioned, she'd come back." "He said..." " You think so?" " I'm sure of it." "I was lying." "I had no idea." "He smiled at me." "That's when a rabbit appeared." "Jan pointed his gun at the little creature." "In my mind," "I said, "He won't shoot." ""He won't shoot the bunny."" "But Jan fired." "The rabbit's body fell silently." "A red stain appeared on its fur." "It's the first time I've killed a living being." "Katia cooked rabbit with mustard sauce for us 3." "I couldn't eat a thing." "13 The secret" "A month ago, we were at Les Hauts-Forts Pass and I cried." "I cried without knowing why." "I felt awful." "The day after we got back, I went to see the doctor." "I was pregnant." "When he told me," "I pretended to be happy, as you do." "Then I went home." "I didn't tell Arman." "I could have done." "I chose to say nothing." "I thought of us, our relationship." "Still I said nothing." "I asked myself questions." "Did I love Arman?" "Did I want to have his child?" "Did I want a child?" "Was I capable of loving someone?" "I couldn't answer any of those questions." "I hated myself for that." "Arman doesn't know that today..." "I went to the clinic." "He doesn't know what I've just done." "12 Night eventually fell" "I could see things weren't right." "Amélie was the shadow of her former self." "I questioned her more than usual." "To know what was happening to us." "She started crying." "It was the second time I had seen her cry." "And she told me everything." "She asked if I'd have liked to keep it." "That wasn't the question." "Why didn't she say anything?" "She didn't know why." "She didn't know anything." "I said it was terrible what she had done." "She carried on crying." "I whacked really hard her grandparents' wardrobe." "My wrist really hurt." "I was mad at her." "I was mad at the wardrobe." "I was mad at her grandparents." "I walked out." "I walked for two hours." "And then night eventually fell." "11 The idiots" "We met at the Idiots, on Boulevard de Ménilmontant." "When we are at a loss, we always end up there." "A Leffe." "I'd never seen Arman in such a state." "He was a mass of anger and sadness." "A weird combination." "He asked me if he could carry on with a girl who had done that." "A girl who didn't want his child." "Did it still mean anything?" "After our second beer, the anger had vanished." "Leaving only sadness." "What am I going to do?" "I don't know." "I can't go home now." "I can't look at her." " Have my flat." " No." "Do!" "I'll sleep at Katia's." "I spend most of my time there." "He put his hand on my shoulder." "It was quite solemn." "Thanks." "It went on for ages." "I was embarrassed." "He took his hand away and looked down." "I ordered a third beer." " Excuse me!" " Yes?" " Can we have 2 more beers?" " Yes." "Right away." "Thanks." "Since my CVA, I've stopped drinking hard." "But in extreme situations like this," "I tend to bend the rules." "Halfway through the 3rd beer, Arman said..." "The worst thing is," "I think I could forgive her." "He jumped up." "I was afraid he'd go see her." "He just went to the loo." "Coming out of the loo, after relieving myself of my 2 and a half beers," "I came across a girl with her back to me by the sink, in the communal space," "She jumped on seeing me reflected in the mirror." "She turned round." "I smiled." "It was Hazuki, from my art school." "We came back from the loos together as Benjamin looked in astonishment." " Same again." " 2 Leffes?" " And you?" " A gin Martini." "So how long have you been in Paris?" "About 6 months." "And... are you on your own?" "No." "I live with my friend." " A flatshare?" " No." "I'm a lesbian." "I met Carolène." "I changed my sexual orientation." "Are you surprised?" " No." " No?" "It's OK?" " I think..." " It's great." "You know, with guys, it was getting too complicated." "It always ended badly too." "I was speechless." "Back in art school, she was always up for one-night stands." "And she really liked guys." "Benjamin would know." "Plus, you know," "I needed a different sort of relationship." "Something more stable, less crude." "Of course." "What do you mean?" "I was sick of taking it up the ass." "It depends how often it is." "Er, what I mean is... how..." "Yes, well, whatever." "And what are you guys up to?" "Well, we're kind of..." " OK." " Yes." "You've really aged in any case." "I'm losing my hair, but..." "We parted when the bar closed after a quick and not very flattering account of the past 10 years." "and promised to meet up soon." "When I got home around 2:30 am," "Katia was already asleep." "I'd drunk too much." "I lay down fully clothed next to her warm body." "Thanks to the booze, I fell asleep like a baby." "Hello Benjamin." "I hope you're well." "Mum probably said I'll be home for Xmas." "I hope you'll be there." "That's why I'm calling." "I'd like you to be there." "I've not been on my own with them for 18 months." "I'm going to India for 3 months." "They'll be alarmed." "Mum told me you were better." "You were almost normal again." "I'm pleased." "I had a dream." "I dreamt about you." "You were a famous politician and were on TV." "You said your CVA had opened your eyes." "You'd founded a party called CVA." "I don't remember what it stood for." "I won't bother you any longer." "Think about Xmas." "Don't leave me on my own." "Last week, I left Arman two voicemails." "I wanted us to talk." "I felt sad and alone." "I felt so bad about what I'd done." "I'd been scared of having a baby." "I'd been dumb and selfish." "He'd never forgive me." "A few hours after the 2nd voicemail, he texted me." ""It's best we don't see each other."" "He needed to think." "He'd be in touch." "Since then I've spent my time waiting." "I'm working on my thesis but I'm not motivated at all." "All I can think of is Arman, the fear of losing him." "To stop myself thinking, I download series." "I've seen four seasons of Mad Men, two of Breaking Bad." "Now I'm watching The Walking Dead." "I'm following the adventures of Rick's family as they try to survive in a world where most people have turned into zombies." "I feel for them." "I shake with fear they will get bitten and the entire world will become zombies." "I reassure myself by telling myself they've signed for season two." "But fear is illogical." "On December 22, Benjamin asked what I was doing for Christmas." "I usually visit my mum, who lives near Nantes." "But this year my mum, who's become a globetrotter since she retired, has decided to go on holiday to Marrakech, with a couple of friends, young retirees like herself." "She was polite enough to ask me if I didn't mind too much." "I replied, "Not at all." ""Go." "It's normal." ""Enjoy yourself."" "It was a lie." "The world had gone crazy." "So that's why I agreed to go with Benjamin to visit his family in Auvergne." "I felt just like a kid in care who gets to spend the holidays with a foster family." "After a 10-hour drive, we arrived feeling knackered." "It was good to see Benjamin's parents again." "They were introduced to Katia, who had helped him speak again." " Isn't Lucie here?" " She's in her room." " She didn't come down?" " Have you heard?" " What?" " About India." "Ah yes!" "I heard about it." " You should go talk to her." " Alright." "In a minute." "Could you take Katia's bag, Dad?" "In you go." "6In Lucie's room" "Lucie is 22 and lives at home." "Well, she did until fairly recently" "After a few failed relationships, my sister decided to work on herself." "As a result, she met a pseudo-psychotherapist who turned out to be a priestess of something and have dozens of disciples." "Of course, the turn of events worried my parents." "Your hair's very short." "You look like Sinéad O'Connor." "It suits you." " Hello." " Hello, Lucie." "You OK?" "Have you just spoken to Mum and Dad?" "I've just rowed with Mum and Dad." " Have you redecorated?" " Yes." "A bit." "So how did you little chat go?" "Well, Mum cried, Dad shouted, and I came up here." "They're just worried." "It's normal." "I'm worried too." "You have to stop worrying about me." "I should be worrying about you." "Hang on, it's a bit weird..." "You live in a manor somewhere, in a commune." "For us, it's kind of freaky." "And the telepathy?" "And it isn't weird you had a CVA at 30?" "There's no connection." "That's what you think?" " Don't talk to me like that." " Why not?" "You know nothing." "You're a pain!" "You're a fucking pain!" "You refuse to understand." "Let's not argue." "It's Christmas." " Let's go have our turkey." " I don't eat meat." "That's original." "Jerk!" " They're rude in your sect!" " It isn't a sect." "Come on, let's eat." "I was kind of reassured about her mental health." "She wasn't a total nutjob." "In the living room, Katia, Arman and our parents were waiting for us with taramasalata on toast." "5Hallelujah" "It was an excellent Christmas meal." "Katia and I were pampered guests." "And for those few hours," "I managed to forget my sad fate." "There, it's 12:45." "It's officially December 25." "The son of God has just come down to Earth to save mankind and wash away the sins of the world." "As Benjamin's family and Katia exchange gifts and help keep the tradition alive," "I slip away to the farmyard." "The ewes bleat in the stable." "It's surprising how much it sounds like a human cry." "I take the path up to the hills above Saint-Diéry." "Bathed in moonlight, the peaks of Puy de Sancy are majestic." "Alone facing this 1885m-high volcano," "I feel the irresistible desire to call Amélie." "But I resist the irresistible and decide to continue on my way." "Midnight Mass has just finished." "The faithful leave the church." "No one looks at me." "No one appears to see me." "I must be in another space time." "I don't exist." "A little disappointed by my fellow men's indifference," "I sit down on a bench." "The village square is peaceful again now." "And I feel desperately alone." ""As I was sleeping" ""As I was dreaming" ""The hands moved." ""It's too late"" "My childhood is so far away" "It is already tomorrow" "Pass, pass time" "It won't be very much longer" "And yet I'm still alive" "And yet I make love" ""I even sing sometimes" ""On my guitar"" "For the child I was" "For the child I had" "Pass, pass time" "It won't be very much longer" ""As I was singing" ""As I was loving you" ""As I was dreaming" ""There was still time"" "When Arman called," "I was lying on my bed in my old bedroom, in Orgeval." "We'd celebrated Christmas with my parents, brother, sister and their respective partners." "I was the singleton of the evening." "My parents very fond of Arman." "Our situation seemed to really affect them." "When my phone range," "I was just about to fall asleep." "We talked for almost an hour." "I'll never forget what we said to one another." "Our relationship wasn't a tale." "We weren't kids anymore." "If we needed each other, it was partly owing to our weaknesses to habit, to the fear of being alone." "We knew that now and we'd have to try and live with it." "We'd have to try to reinvent our relationship." "In the morning, I thought it was a dream." "I wanted to be with him." "A year later" "The day begins with the sing-song voice of Joël Collado telling us the day will be grey and very cold." "It's the fifth day of the year 2012, the year of the end of the world according to the Mayas." "And it's Amélie's birthday." "This is it!" "She's 30." "We're meeting Katia and Benjamin at 4pm." "We've decided, on this day of idleness, to go the Munch exhibition, which is ending soon." "After a first room with some of his masterpieces, we discover a room called "Reworking" presenting Munch as an enthusiastic copier of his own paintings." "Katia looks at The Sick Child." "Benjamin and Arman are mesmerized by a version of Puberty." "As for me, I go into a third room to find his first photographic self-portraits." "In these works, he depicted himself alone before his paintings or seated a table with, in the foreground, a figure, a governess, a friend." "One of them is called Self Portrait as Marat" "I read that it was taken in the clinic in Copenhagen where he was treated for depression." "In the 1920s, Munch, after a very long break, began to do self-portraits again." "He's an old man now." "There is no mise en scène now." "His outstretched hands holding the camera, he simply photographs his anguished face." "The exhibition ends with the artist's final sketches." "A vascular accident and a haemorrhage in his right eye have affected his sight." "He decides to reproduce graphically what he sees through his poorly eye." "I go into this room at the same time as Katia." "Benjamin and Arman are waiting for us before one of these works." "Benjamin leans towards Katia and I read on his lips:" ""This is the CVA room."" "I made pasta, pasta a la carbonara." "It's a safe bet." "Just like our gifts for Amélie." "A black Agnès B. top and a bonsai." "The bonsai was my idea." "I stood firm despite Katia's reservations:" ""No one manages to keep a bonsai alive for more than a year."" "When drinking my armagnac," "I look at the bonsai on the coffee table next to the black Agnès B top." "I don't know if it was Katia's remark or the dark thoughts I've had regularly since my CVA, but I have the strange impression that it is starting to die right before our eyes." "Have you seen the bonsai?" "What about it?" "Well..." "Don't you think it looks weird?" "It's the lightning." "The bonsai is fine!" "Maybe you should water it, Amélie?" "If you like." "We watered it earlier." "You shouldn't water bonsais too much." "1In the last metro" "We take the last metro home." "It's almost empty." "At Bastille, a young man gets in our carriage." "His face is vaguely familiar." "He is one of the guys who almost killed me." "It's the small guy who stabbed me." "I hold his gaze." "I can read his." "He gets off quickly." "On my knees, in a plastic bag, the bonsai is dying." "I watch Amélie open the shutters." "I think to myself what a happy life we have." "That we're a couple and she is my dearest friend." "She turns." "The lights behind her." "I can't see her expression." "I imagine she's smiling at me." "Unless she's adopted her serious face, when her brow is furrowed." "I imagine she's looking at me and thinking of us, of the long journey since we first met," "of the ordeals we've survived." "Maybe she's even thinking of the future." "Subtitles:" "Eclair Group"