"Water" "Water" "Look what you brought into my life" "Water" "Water" "You're a misery to me" "Water" "Water" "Look what you brought into my life" "Water" "Water" "You're a misery to me" "Seems like yesterday" "Never knew nothing about love" "I go out just to play" "And keep my little belly from hunger" "Please don't fight no one" "Till you come running to me" "Water" "Water" "Look what you brought into my life" " Governor?" " I'm over here, Pepito." "Enjoying the fruits of my labours." "Ah." "It looks as though we'll have some splendid pineapples this year." "Never mind the pineapple, old sport, wrap your lips round that." "I took a bit of a chance." "I crossed the pokacheeka with the Bolivian red leaf." "Hmm." "Possibly as promising as the '79." "These are heavy-duty herbs, boss." "You changed my destiny" "Now that you've fooled everybody" "And it'd be good to see" "Everybody drilling for money" "Please don't see no one" "Till you come running to me" "Water" "Water" "Look what you brought into my life" "Water" "Water" "You're a misery to me" "You bring down company" "Put you away in a bottle" "And sell you back to me" "Soon them applying a shovel 7.45 here on Radio Cascara, home of the stars, with the tall, tan and talented one, Jay Jay Johnstone." "In the back of the shack where it's all at." "Your number one for fun in the sun." "Eight o'clock, BBC World News." "But before that, a man who speaks with God everyday, the most reverend Eric McNab and his Thought for the Day." "But first, the weather." "It's hot!" "And windy here in Cascara, as usual!" "Whoa, you got me" "Living on the frontline" "Oh, you got me, mamma" "Living on the frontline" "Whoa, mamma" "You're gonna mourn me in the wrong time" "Oh, you got me, mamma" "You're gonna mourn me on the frontline..." "Argh!" "Hey, Delgado, man!" "Look what you did to my roof!" "Have you taken leave of your senses, my son?" "We're seizing this station in the name of the Cascara Liberation Front." "Alright, me wanna speak to the people right now." "Which one of these things is the switch?" "This is the voice of Radio Free Cascara!" "Not so loud!" "You'll blow the transmitter." " Sorry." " Easy." "Easy." "This is the voice of your leader, The Singing Rebel." "Three, four." "People of Cascara, wherever you are" "Listen, please, to my song" " Right now" " OK" "Time to get rid of the colonial oppressor" "Send them back where they belong" " Right now" " OK" "Time for the people to rise and shout" " Out with the colonialists" " Out!" "Out!" "Out!" " Right now" " OK" "Time for the people to make a choice" "Let me be your leader" "Let me be your voice" "Right now" "Oh!" "Oh!" "What are you doing?" "Are you crazy?" "!" "Sorry to disturb your beauty sleep, Dolores," " but we have a crisis." " Ah!" "Listen." "It's Delgado." "He's never gone this far before." "And you wake me for this?" "!" "I know it's terribly inconsiderate, but if I'm to subdue a revolution, I'd rather wear trousers." "Have you seen my other boot?" " OK!" " Thank you, darling." "Shit!" "Blow off your chains and follow me" "And I will lead you to liberty" " Right now" " OK" "It's Lenny Delgado." "Newsflash!" "In a daring raid early today," "Delgado Fitzhugh and Garfield Cooper seized Radio Station Cascara and urged the people to take to the streets." " They didn't." " Delgado!" "They were later arrested and presented no problem." " Move on!" " Hey!" "For the finest fresh fish in town get down to Phil's, for a square deal and a very, very good meal." "Prisoners will rise." "Delgado Fitzhugh, Garfield Cooper, you have been found guilty by this court." "Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?" "I don't care, I don't give a damn" "British justice is a farce and a sham" "I'll not have singing in this court!" "If you have something to say, it must be spoken." "The rebel has vowed never to speak until it is in a free Cascara." "Show me no mercy, give me no bail I'm ready and willing to go to jail" "Right now." "Delgado, I am not going to send you to jail, for two reasons." "One, I refuse to make a martyr of you, and two, it is still being redecorated." "I can't get the paint, boss!" "Six months suspended sentence." "Next case." "Delgado has some rather strange toys in his attic, but he's right, this island should've been given independence years ago." "No, no, no." "The reason for his erratic behaviour is to punish his father." " Why should he want to punish you?" " For not marrying his mother." "Things were different years ago." "A Presbyterian minister couldn't marry a young island girl." "Especially when he already had a wife in Edinburgh." "Am I never to be forgiven for one moment of weakness?" "According to our latest census, you've had at least 14 moments of weakness, Eric." "Dear Minister, I have still had no response to my most recent memorandum entitled," "Cascara:" "A Plan For Economic Aid And Development," "Our situation here has been grave since the banana blight of '79,... ..which reduced production by...?" " 83 percent." " Then the coconut crop failed..." " 74 percent." "..as a result of Hurricane Alice." "What tobacco and sugar cane survived these catastrophes were subsequently devastated by the eruption of Mount Pestilence." "During this period," "Britain's financial assistance to the island amounted to...?" "Zero." "It would seem in the eyes of the British government that Cascara is the dot above the "I" in the word "shit"." " You can't say that, governor." " Why not?" "It's hardly diplomatic language." "That's precisely my point." "Everything I've said is filed under "Forget it"." "It's time to stick a rocket up their arse." "I'm sorry, Lucille." "It could cost you your job, governor." "Why don't you speak English, you idiot?" "My job is a somewhat outdated institution." "Rather like my marriage." "This place is perfect!" "What about the rig?" "Hasn't been used since the '50s." "Yeah, well, I'll get a new call and a rotary table in from the Gulf," "I'll have her running again in a coupla weeks." "Ah, no." "We are not alone." "Hi, guys." "How you doing?" "Do you... speak English?" "I do." "But my comrade will not speak until he can say Cascara is free." "Is that a political posture or a speech impediment?" "It's a promise to our people." "Hey, that's terrific." "I'm Rob Wearing." "This is Ben Branch." "We're with SPENCO." "The ruthless Yankee capitalist." "Of Houston, Texas." "If we were to come back here, on a project, who would be the person to contact?" "Governor Thwaites, the symbol of British oppression." "Sounds like our man." "Thanks." "Nice talking to you." "Have a nice day." "This is very gracious of you, Governor." "Not at all, old sport." "We don't get too many visitors here." "Except people whose ships have run aground." "Almost the entire population is descended from shipwreck victims." "Don't underestimate your own contribution, Eric." " Cheers." " Cheers." "Ah!" "May I present my wife, Dolores." "This is, er..." " Rob Wearing." " Enchante!" " And, er..." " Ben Branch." "Howdy!" "So, did you come to look for oil and sink some pipe?" "Oh, no, ma'am." "That well is dry." "Oh!" "We're here to shoot a television commercial." "Our spokesman is Deke Halliday." "Deke Halliday?" "The movie star?" "The one and only." "That's wonderful." "Ah!" "Do you have any parts for me?" "Oh!" "Well, you'll have to ask the boss." "Did you know, in my country, before I marry," "I was... in show business!" "Do you remember the Great Ernesto and Dolores?" " No!" " Yeah!" "I was..." "Dolores!" "I'm sure they didn't think you were Ernesto, darling." "At the time, this job was a big promotion for me." "Youngest governor in the Caribbean." "But over the years," "I think my wife has resented the restraints the position imposes." "As you can see." "Buenas noches, darling." "Where..." "Where did you two meet?" "On an earlier posting of mine." "I sometimes think she misses the bright lights of Guatemala City." "Any time you're in Fort Arthur, Texas, now, Dolores, you look me up." "We'll split a fifth of Wild Turkey, put Waylon on the jukebox, and boogie till we puke!" "Fort Arthur!" "Whoo!" "It sounds wonderful!" "You know, he promised me Paris, Washington, Rome." "Instead, he gave me the pits!" "Oh, what a night it's gonna be" "We'll be making history" "Cuban brothers from across the sea" "Bring Cascara to liberty" "The answer is no." "Fidel says Cuba will shed blood for revolution of downtrodden peoples anywhere." "But you people are too downtrodden even for Cuba!" "That was then but this is now" " We're gonna change your mind..." " Please!" "Can you just talk to us?" "We nearly drowned getting here." "The rebel has made a vow." "He will not speak." "OK." "As you were singing." "What would you think if you were told" "Cascara had a little black gold?" " What?" "!" " Cascara had a little black gold" " Oil?" "!" " SPENCO is back in Cascara." "That is why we ask you here." "This could mean mucho Yankee dollar for us, see?" " Si," " Chico," "If SPENCO strike, you've got yourself a deal." "Sorry to drag you away from lunch, Minister." "Not at all, Malcolm." "We don't see enough of each other." " How's Margaret?" " Marjory's quite well." "Splendid woman, your wife." " And the boys?" "Still at school?" " The girls have left school, sir." " They're at secretarial college." " Really?" "Well, I've enjoyed our chat." "I did want to have a confidential word with you about Cascara." " Cascara?" " Yes." " Remind me, who does that belong to?" " Us." "Us!" "Yes, of course." "The situation's still as volatile as ever, is it, in...?" " In...?" " In the Caribbean, yes." " Quite." " We've intercepted a CIA report." "Apparently, there's a danger of the Cubans invading Cascara." " Another Falklands situation." " Wonderful!" "Maggie'd love it." "No, the Falklands cost a fortune." "Once the dust settled, it was hard to justify the expense of defending British lives, most of them sheep." "The alternative?" "The Yanks will move in like they did in Grenada." " Not again." "The Queen was furious." " Yes, quite." "My recommendation is we evacuate now." "The place has been running at a loss for years." "Empty, we could make a tidy profit using it as a dump for nuclear waste." "The place is one of the last remnants of the British Empire." "I mean, if it's in the Caribbean, surely we could encourage tourism." " No beach." " No beach?" "!" "Apparently, there's a dreadful wind that blows in all directions at once." " Makes a hand of bridge difficult." " Impossible, I understand." " Yes, well, ... do as you see fit." " Oh." "So long as they don't end up driving our buses!" "No." "We'll make alternative arrangements for them." "Jolly good." "Well, we'll have dinner sometime." "Give my love to Marigold and the boys." "Will do, Minister." "He's passing on my recommendations to the Prime Minister." "Oh, super, Sir Malcolm!" "Congrats!" "It's so rare these days that people in power have the courage" " to take tough decisions." " Thank you, Sarah." "You'll have to nip over to the Caribbean to break the sad news." "One of the burdens of high office, my dear." "Tell me, do you have a bikini?" "Big news." "Her Majesty's representative," "Sir Malcolm P Leveridge, will be making an official visit here in two days!" "Let us all try to put our best faces forward." "That means you, Delgado." "Show everybody we are all as one" "Stand together" "All together now" "Band together as we sing the song" "Work together" "Hands together now" "Show everybody we are all as one" "Tell everybody" "Tell everybody" "Tell everybody we are all as one" "No more sadness, no, no" "No more sighing now" "Only gladness from now on" "Proud are we" "Our flag is flying now" "Oh, we are trying to be all as one" "Tell everybody" "Tell everybody" "Tell everybody we are all as one" "Tell everybody" "Tell everybody" "Tell everybody we are all as one" "Hi." "I'm Deke Halliday for SPENCO." "As I see it, we Americans have two choices." "Sure, we can let OPEC put the screws on us till our eyes water, or we can do it the American way." "Get off our butts, stop beefing, go out and find the oil for ourselves." "Ha-ha!" "That's why me and the guys here are on Cascara." "That's right." "Your travel agent won't find it in any brochure." "We're not here on any picnic." "We're here on this forbidding, Godforsaken windswept island because we need to..." "Shit!" "Can't you hold that cue card right?" "!" " What the hell is going on here?" " Cut!" "You!" "The man has a twitch!" "He has a twitch!" "I cannot work under these conditions!" " It wasn't the kid's fault." " Rob, it is never the star's fault." "You're fired." " I need a drink." " Drink!" "Pete, we have to get this before lunch, OK?" "So just take it easy." "Warm scotch!" "Is it too much to ask for some ice?" " Deke, we're on an island." " I know we're on an island." "There is no refrigeration." "Cascara is short of amenities." "That's why we're here." "Hellholes of the World, That's the campaign, right?" "But do we have to go to the hellholes?" "Let's go back to Burbank?" "We can use back-projection." "When I shot Night Train to Rangoon, I never left the lot." " And you were terrific in that, too." " Really?" "Really." " I wasn't too bad, was I?" " No." "I'm gonna get you all the amenities." "I'll have ice flown in, I'll get you Champagne." "I need a woman." " OK." " I need a woman." "Badly." "And how about some grass?" "They grow some lethal weed here." "Make that two women, OK?" "How was that, boss?" " It's... coming." "It's coming." " Thank you." "Shouldn't you play something more appropriate, like Rule Britannia?" "That was Rule Britannia, boss." "Oh, was it?" "It needs work, Miguel." "Everybody on the shoot is wearing a hat." "It's the look!" "Camera back." "Would you pay good money to see me look like this?" "You have a point." "People want to see my hair." "Half my charm is in my hair." "You have very charming hair." "We're not here to sell shampoo, we're here to sell oil." "Oh, my God!" "I cannot walk on this!" " It will ruin my best shoes." " I told you to wear boots." "How can I wear boots to meet a movie star?" "Are you crazy?" " You must carry me." " You can't be serious." "Ah!" "Where has the magic gone?" "Oh, it's magic you want, is it?" "Well, when we get home, I'm going to lay you on the table and saw you in half." "Now, come on." "Oh!" "You...!" "OK, ready?" "But yellow is such a faggy colour." "Wardrobe!" "Get me one of these in plaid." "We're having a state visit tomorrow, and we were wondering if you and Mr Halliday could attend the lunch?" "Mr Halliday?" "Where is he?" "Oh!" "Oh, my God." "It's true!" "I don't believe it!" "You finally got your ass in gear." "Get me a bottle of wine." "Quick." "Mr Halliday, for me this is a great pleasure." "Mmm, baby, for the both of us." "I hope." "Deke, have you met Mrs Thwaites?" " Later, Wearing." " Ah!" " We'II be in my trailer." " That is the governor's wife!" "You mean she's not the hooker?" "Baxter, did you hear this?" "!" "I told you not to wear those shoes." "Hey, Tony, this is gonna blow!" "Come on!" "Jeez!" "It's a strike!" " Surely it can't be." " She's gonna blow!" " What is it?" " Well, it sure ain't oil!" "My hair's all wet." "Christ sakes!" "I gave up The Love Boat for this shit!" "You stink!" "And so do your lousy movies!" "Can you believe it?" "Our first blow-out in six months and it's gotta be water!" "It is not like regular water." "It's got a kind of a natural effervescence." "You're right." "With a kind of tangy, lemony flavour." "Er..." "I want this site sealed off, I want a fence put up and signed affidavits from all personnel that if they breathe a word, we'll have their ass." "Why?" "Because we've struck fucking Perrier!" "Tell everybody" "Tell everybody" "Tell everybody" " We are all as one" " Come on, now" "Tell everybody" "Tell everybody" "Oh, my God!" "Paper napkins for an estate dinner?" "!" "Are you crazy?" "!" "Alright, I'll change them." "You smell like mothballs." "And you smell like tequila, dearest." "I'm more concerned with why you've changed the place settings." "I wish to sit next to Sir Malcolm." "But that means that Eric will sit next to our beauty queen." "How can we maintain the dignity of the occasion while our spiritual leader tries to get his hand up Miss Cascara's skirt?" "Oh!" "So, you like it better he put his hand up my skirt, huh?" "At least you're used to it." "You won't scream." "Oh, and, Nado?" "Yes, ma'am?" "I said the linen tablecloth!" "I must say, Sir Malcolm, the coast does look frightfully dangerous." "Throughout its history," "Cascara has only ever been a navigational hazard." "I only wish my first trip to the Caribbean had been somewhere more romantic." "Once my painful duty is behind me," "I thought I'd show you the delights of St Lucia for a couple of days." "Super." " Good morning." " Good morning, Eric." "Splendid, Baxter." "Splendid." "I always feel as if I'm wearing a live chicken on my head." " Good morning, Martha." " Good morning, Governor." " Good morning, children." " Good morning, Governor." "Five minutes." "Welcome to Cascara, Sir Malcolm." "Sorry about the tone of my last memo, but it's nice it's brought results." "What memo was this?" " You didn't see it?" " No, but you saw mine." "I wanted a quiet word in your ear and you've laid on a bloody carnival." "The people are rather excited, sir." "This is their first official visit since 1898." "Sir, may I present the first lady of Cascara," " my wife, Dolores?" " How do you do?" " I'm so pleased to meet you." " Yes." "Quite." " What's this now?" " It's the Cascaran national anthem." " What are you all doing?" " The breaststroke, sir." "You see, these people are all descended from shipwreck victims." " This presumably is the backstroke?" " Yes, sir." "It's symbolic of the different strokes that brought people here." " Yes?" " Yes." "I think perhaps we should stand, sir." " Care to address the nation, sir?" " Certainly not." "Drive on." "Go straight to government house, driver." "No, back to the boat." "Turn right here!" "But we've arranged lunch." "After that, there's a cricket match, and then we have to discuss Cascara's future." "The point of my visit, Thwaites, is to inform you that Cascara has no future." "What?" "You can't close down an island like a bankrupt business." "Are you going to offer these people independence?" "Certainly not!" "We'll relocate them on one of our other islands, St Michael." "We're putting in an airstrip, hotels and a nine-hole golf course." "So we'll be needing labourers and a lot of waiters." "What're you offering as compensation?" "A bag of seed and a mud hut?" "!" "Oh!" "I'm not sure we'll go that far." "Citizens, friends," "I don't quite know how to tell you this, but I have grave news." "The British Government has apparently decreed that this proud nation is surplus to requirements." "They want to evacuate the island." "They want all of you to pack your possessions, leave your homes, and go to another island." "Apparently, they have jobs for you there, but you have to leave in three weeks." "I'm prepared to fight this, Pepito, but will the people back me up?" "I'm not sure, Governor." "Going away will give them jobs." "Staying won't." "They should be taking to the hills with Delgado." "This is their home." "People have left more beautiful islands" " to go and live in the Bronx." " Aye." "The grass is always greener." "They'll find it a lot more expensive." "I've no desire for pastures new." "I have avoided the real world for 31 years, and I'm totally unprepared to return to it now." "I am leaving" "On a jet plane" "Don't know when I'll be back again" "Oh, baby, I love to go" "Do you know, mi amor, when we get to England, maybe the Queen, she gives you reward." "She make you Lord Thwaites!" "Ah!" "Lord and Lady Thwaites of London!" "Mwah!" "Mwah!" "Mwah!" "Then we go to discos!" "Parties!" "Ah!" "Harrods!" "Vidal Sassoon!" "Oh!" "It will be wonderful!" "Mmm!" "I'm leaving on a jet plane" "Don't know when I'll be back again" "Dolores is taking it awfully well." "What's the story?" "Speak to me, Den." "How much water are we dealing with?" "Well, we got over 2,00olbs of pressure so, if I had to guestimate," "I'd say between one and two billion barrels a year." "A billion!" "That's as big as our offshore oil field in Baja." "This is it." "I'm flying to Houston to see Spender." "This is a seat on the board." "This is profit sharing." "This is stock options." "This is Sunday barbecues at his ranch!" " Can I take this?" " Yes." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Tennis ball?" "You offer me tennis ball for this?" "It's Balenciaga!" "You crazy?" "Confidential files, accounts, office machinery." " What's in this trunk?" " Mrs Thwaites' shoes, Governor." "I'm not taking those through customs." "Put it on a banana boat." "Hi." "My name's Pamela Wynthrop and I'm looking for the governor." "But before I meet him, I don't know how to address him." "What do I say?" "Your Excellency, or sir, or what?" "You know how tight-ass the British can be." "Yes." "Erm..." "why do you wish to see him, Miss?" "Oh, I'm an environmental... activist, and as soon as I heard the island was being evacuated, well, I flew straight down." "I wanna save the bat." "I am referring to the long-eared horseshoe bat." "This island is their natural habitat and now that man is leaving, well, the bats may once again flourish." "Oh, dear." "That goat's chewing one of my wife's dresses." "Erm..." "I'll take care of it, Governor." "Governor?" "I thought you were the moving men!" "Baxter Thwaites." "I am that tight-arse." "Oh, Pamela, you've done it again!" "The days of British rule are just about to expire, so we don't stand on ceremony here." "I can see that you're busy packing, so I'll just come back later." "Where does one stay on Cascara?" "The best we can offer is Aunt Matilda's Guesthouse and Domino Club." "Hmm." "Does it have air-conditioning?" "I don't think it even has water." "I think you should stay here, as the last official guest of the British Government." "Well, I'd be privileged, Governor." " Sir." " Baxter." "We struck this stuff in the '50s." "That's why we pulled out of Cascara." "In the '50s, Mr Spender, we didn't realise its commercial potential." "In the '50s, nobody drank designer water." "The water has one unique quality which separates it from other proprietary brands." "According to our lab report, it has an element which makes it cathartic." "What is that in English?" "It helps you shit like clockwork, sir." "You're asking me to market a laxative?" "!" "This could be a marketing plus, sir." "A situation has evolved in the '80s where the combined effect of junk food and urban stress has er..." "clogged up the bowels of America." " I'm an oil man!" "SPENCO bestrides the world like a colossus, with a barrel of crude under each arm." "Not like some limp-wristed faggot with a glass of mineral water!" "Sir, this is our top-grade motor oil, retailing at one dollar and 20 cents." "The equivalent amount of imported mineral water sells for twice that." "And you don't have to refine water." "All you have to do is stick it in a fancy bottle and slap a pretty label on it." "I estimate that we could make a clear profit of, let's say, 600-700 percent." "Gentlemen, ... ..we're in the water business." "This is the Atlantic side of the island." "Not the most hospitable of places." "Down there is Desolation Bay and over here is Point Peril." "I love it." "The solitude reminds me of Nova Scotia." " What were you doing there?" " Saving the seals." "I wasn't there for very long, though." "After two hours of protesting, they had to fly me to a hospital in Halifax." " Frostbite?" " No." "A hunter clubbed me on the head and a mother seal bit me on the ass." "It seems that neither side appreciated your intentions." "That's what Howard used to say." "Howard Wynthrop, my ex-husband." "Another one of my lost causes, I'm afraid." "We met defending the rights of the migrant grape pickers." "Then his values changed and he went into cable television." "Howard's loss is the bats' gain." "What the hell is SPENCO doing on the island?" "!" "Oh, they're just using the old oil rig to make a commercial." "Why do they have barbed wire round the compound" " and guards with baseball bats?" " What?" "Good Lord, you're right." "Now what the devil are they up to?" "Hey, Pepito." "The governor wants to see you, Mr Wearing." "Come on, we know each other!" "Look, I gotta get out to the site right away." "He insists." "What you overlooked, Rob, before you scurried off to Texas, was that SPENCO's drilling rights expired in, when was it, Pepito?" "October 17th, 1976." "Until you've negotiated an extension, your case isn't very watertight." "And, I think you'll agree, old sport, that we have you over a barrel." "Two billion barrels, to be exact." "My career is in the crapper." "Not necessarily." "Maybe we could do a deal." " A deal?" " Yes." "You want to keep your job and I want jobs for them." "Then they won't have to leave." "Cheap labour, right here on the spot!" "No unions!" "Boy, can we make a deal!" "You are not going to use them, Mr Wearing." "They will get realistic wages and social and health benefits." "It's only fair." "After all, we're talking about human beings here." "Some profit will go back into things this island needs." " Like a school and a hospital." " And I'II throw in an arcade." "Now, how do we fix the drilling rights?" "Hopefully, with one phone call." "I don't want to be impertinent, Sir Mal, but aren't we rather overextending our trip?" "Not that I'm not having a super time..." "Sarah, my dear, they don't expect us back until the evacuation of Cascara is complete." " You typed the memo, remember?" " Oh, gosh, so I did." "Hello!" "Yes." "Who?" "Thwaites, what is it?" "I'm under savage pressure here!" "A little lower, sweetie." "What?" "The Yanks..." "The Yanks have found what?" "Water?" "Of course you have my authority to extend their drilling rights." "Look, London takes the view that everything on that island is for sale or lease." "Alright?" "See if you can get a good price for the volcano while you're at it." "That was really rather good." " Is there a hiccup?" " No, no, no." "Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about." "Right." "Why don't you run along and make us both one of those drinks with an umbrella in it?" "And then perhaps you could slip into that costume, hey?" "The nurse or the naughty schoolgirl?" "Oh, ..." "I think the latter." "Hang on!" "Sarah!" "Don't forget the knee socks." " To Cascara." " To Cascara." "Baxter, I was walking along Cape Despair and I saw my first bat!" "Hello, Pamela." "What are you doing here, asshole?" " Have you two met?" " We've crossed swords, yes." "I think the last time was when you picketed our toxic waste dump in West Virginia." "Thanks to me, fish may once again swim in the Ohio River." "Thanks to SPENCO, the island's saved." "They've given us an industry." " What?" " Water." " SPENCO?" " SPENCO." "Then I'm going to fight you, Baxter." "I'm packing my things." "Pamela?" "Pamela, what's the problem?" "You're in league with the devil." "I've been fighting their president since I was three years old." "Why?" "What did he do?" "Manufacture defective teddy bears?" "Franklyn Spender manufactured defective families." "Franklyn Spender is my father!" "Water, water" "Ladies and gentlemen of Cascara, it gives me great pleasure to present our governor." "Friends, I have great news." "Fortune has smiled upon us." "SPENCO, an equal opportunity employer, has jobs for all able-bodied men and women right here on the island," "Top wages in US dollars, bonus incentive, Medicare and pension plan," "Sign up tomorrow at the Vasco Da Gama Recreation Centre," "Recruitment begins at nine am," "Whoo!" "Bas..." "Bastard!" "Bastard!" "Tell me you kid me." "Tell me you make joke." "You say we no leave this place?" "!" "Very funny!" "The situation has changed Dolores." "We have to stay." "Oh, no!" "Oh, I don't believe this!" "I don't believe this!" " Once again, you lie to me!" " What do you mean once again?" "You lied to me when I was a girl in Guatemala!" "You were never a girl!" "I was innocent!" "You put a spell on me." "You tell me I'd be wife of diplomat!" "I'd give cocktail parties," "I lunch." "Jeeps!" "You lie!" "You lie!" " You lie!" " Let's face it, Dolores, you never fitted into diplomatic life," "You say I have embarrassed you?" "You are ashamed by me?" "I am just saying that things might've turned out differently if you hadn't danced the cucaracha topless at the reception for the Duke of Edinburgh!" "He loved it!" "So much we were sent to Cascara!" "OK, OK, OK, OK!" "Adios, Baxter!" "Adios!" "Dondequiera." "I go now." "I go forever!" "I kill myself!" "Join the line and sign up today." "SPENCO has jobs for everyone." "The first 300 applicants will receive a bonus." "Choose between a juicer, a toaster or a blender." "SPENCO and Cascara united for a great tomorrow!" "Congratulations, Mr Wearing." "This will be the salvation of our island." "SPENCO is all heart, Rev." "Cascara!" "I feel shame" "I feel sad" "See how people act so bad" "Right now" "Way to go, rebels!" "Listen to them!" "They're your boys!" "Hear me shout" "Hear me holler" "You sell your soul for a Yankee dollar" " Who the hell is that?" "!" " That is my son, my son." "You're his father, Father?" "A moment of weakness many years ago." "I was driven to sin by solitude and the wind." "Can't you shut that bastard up?" "Under British law singing badly is not a crime." "$100 cash to the first man who nails them!" "See my people run to me" "All they want is liberty" "All they want is our backsides, man." "Don't make me do this." "Give me your word you won't create a public nuisance and you're free." "The Rebel says we would rather stay here forever." "Very well, then, have it your own way." "You can finish the painting." "If those boys are locked up, I should be, too." " Yeah!" " Yeah." "We don't have women's facilities." "How typically sexist." "I've a good mind to deport you as an undesirable alien." "Alright, we're contacting Amnesty international and the media." "Soon everybody's gonna know your name and will be singing your music." " His lyrics don't rhyme." " The truth rarely does." "Our recruiting went off without a hitch, and I killed them on the deal," "Rob, research shows that this could be bigger than frozen yoghurt, so I want that bottling plant operational ASAP!" "I hear you, sir," "Oh, Rob, don't take any of that manana crap." "Do what we did to Aunt Naruba." "Spike their coffee with amphetamines." "Oh, yeah, that one." "Oh, and this bottle." " Oh, Jesus Christ!" "I can assure the house..." "I can assure the house that the terms due to our government in exchange for Cascaran mining rights are both realistic and generous." "You will recall, Prime Minister, that, due to the underhand methods of the Americans, we were, at the time, unaware of their discovery." " Quite." " And this is, perhaps, reflected in the somewhat disappointing revenue which we anticipate." "How much?" "One cent for every hundred barrels." "I take it you're asking for my resignation, Prime Minister?" "It's a little late for that." "I have been informed, not of course by you, that there is a subversive element on Cascara, one Delgado Fitzhugh." " Just one person, Prime Minister." " There was only one Ghandi once." "One anorexic, little loony in a loin cloth and we lost a whole subcontinent." "What Cascara needs is a revolution." "The first act of the new republic will be to nationalise all local industries." "In other words, Yankee go home." "I don't quite see how that helps us." "Of course you don't." "Then, let me make this absolutely clear!" "You will return to Cascara and secretly finance their revolution in exchange for a promissory contract guaranteeing us the bloody bottling rights!" "Wait!" "Wait for me, please." "Take me with you." "Please don't go without me." "Wait!" "Take me with you, please." "Oh!" "Who on earth is that hysterical female?" "My wife." "She's a little overwrought." "Sonofabitch, come back!" " It's the strain of recent events." "That sort of thing doesn't do in front of the natives." " Here we are, Sir Malcolm." " Thank you." "No, please, don't get up." " Why aren't they under lock and key?" " It's their recreation hour, boss." "Quite right, too." "Can't cage men up like animals." "How are they treating you, then, Delgado?" "Got everything you need, toothpaste, tobacco?" "Oh, I see we're teaching you a trade." "All part of the rehabilitation programme." "Sir Malcolm, this is Delgado Fitzhugh." "Absolutely." "Of course it is." "Jolly good." "How's the food, Delgado?" "Looks jolly nourishing to me." " What's this made from?" " Betel bark, sir." "A local crop from which the people make soup or rope, depending on their needs." " Splendid." " Would you like a bowl of it?" " Thank you, no." " Rum?" "I'd like a word with these two gentlemen alone." "Would you and the constable make yourselves scarce?" "Thank you." "No, no, no!" "1,000 times, definitely no!" " Shh!" "Can't believe I'm standing in the jailhouse" "Can't believe my ears is hearing what you say" "God's sake, man!" "There's no need to broadcast this all over the island." "This is a highly secret discussion, not The Pirates Of Penzance," "Look, let me..." "Let me spell it out for you." "In exchange for independence, all we ask is a 50-50 interest in the water." "Right?" "You can be president, generalissimo, witch doctor, whatever." "You name the costumes, we'll provide the hats." " Vice president?" " Absolutely, old chap." "Yes." "Next royal christening, you can pop over on a state visit." "Front pew in the Abbey, tickets for Wimbledon." " You offer me 50-50" "You expect me to say yes" "Well, I'm a man of integrity" " 60-40, no less" "Done." "This deal has the sanction of the British government?" "!" "Perfectly orthodox ploy." "Bowing to public opinion, we will be forced to release the Rebel from jail." "He'll take to the hills then we can propagate the legend." " T-shirts, posters." " This is beneath contempt." "Deciding the fate of a nation without any regard for its culture!" "You call rope soup a culture?" "!" "Who is it?" "I warn you, I'm armed!" " Shh!" " Mrs Thwaites, what are you doing?" "Shh!" " Your Lordship." " Pardon?" "Oh, no, I'm not a peer." "Not yet." "Plain Sir Malcolm will suffice." " Sir Malcolm." " Yes?" " I would rather die than stay here." " Hmm?" "Please, when you leave, you take me with you!" "I can do many things." "I can cook." "I can sew." "I am still young." "My body is firm." "Look!" "Pull yourself together, Mrs Thwaites!" "Really!" "I am..." "No, no, it's the heat, woman." "I saw this happen in Zimbabwe to Cartwright's wife." "No, no, no." "Cold bath's the answer." " There, there, there, Please," "Psst!" "Hey, Delgado." "Delgado!" "Over here." "Hey, comrade." "Cuba says, "Cascara, si!"" "Plastic explosives." "I set timer for five minutes." "Take cover, comrade." "Shit!" " Shit!" " What is it?" " We're breaking out of here, man!" "You spoke." " No, that was just a whisper." " You broke your vow." "I couldn't find anything to rhyme with bomb!" " Bomb?" "Whose bomb?" " The Cubans, man!" " We made a deal with the British." " The Cubans got here first." "The Cubans will never give us tickets for Wimbledon." "I know how to handle you." "I lived three years in New York." " It's sweet, man." "Oh, my God, it's my perfume." " One word and you die." " Who are you?" " That's three words." " We're comrades of the Rebel." "Oh!" "Delgado is a friend of mine." "I'm Pamela Wynthrop." "Nice to see you." " Que?" " Oh, I house-sit for him." " What you do here?" " I'm taking him a home-cooked meal." "Can you imagine what the food tastes like in there?" " What are you doing here?" " Jailbreak." "Bang!" "Then we move into the hills." "Can I come with you?" "Do I have time to pack a bag?" " Hey." " Shake your ass." "It's Baxter!" "The bomb go off in two minutes." "But he'll be killed!" "Then he will be the first victim of the revolution." "Miguel." "Miguel!" "Nice to see security's as tight as ever." "Are you two digging a tunnel or committing an unnatural act?" "Go away, Governor." "Not until I've had a word with your leader." "I'm disgusted with you, Delgado." "No wonder you daren't show your face." " Get out of here!" " Oh, you're speaking now." "I'm not surprised." "You sold out your other principals." "Whatever our differences, I've always thought that you and I cared the most about Cascara." " I beg you on my hands and knees!" " I've brought jobs and security." "All you're going to bring is chaos, violence." " Ow!" "What was that?" "Que, mi amor?" "How long has that volcano of yours been dormant?" " As long as me!" " Oh." "But maybe..." "..you have awakened us both." " Baxter, are you alright?" " Oh, hello, Pamela." "Shall I kill him?" " He's more use to us as a hostage." " Move it!" "This is great, eh, Baxter?" "Plastic explosives, jailbreaks, a band of desperados forging their way through the bush." "I suppose I should thank you for saving my life." "Call me a sentimental old fool." "We did play in the same cricket team once." "Hey, silencio, don't speak to the prisoner." "OK, pal." "OK." "This is Ken Warden reporting to you from the hitherto sleepy island of Cascara, where late last night the man they call the Singing Rebel made a daring escape from this jail." "Right, pay attention." "I want sandbags around the house, every window boarded up, and the roof fortified." "We're dealing with terrorists." "This house could be their next target." "Right, off you go." "What's this, you grubby child?" " I want dollar!" " How about a clip around the ear?" "Go on, bugger off!" " Good Lord!" " What is it?" "It's a ransom note from the rebels." "They're holding Thwaites and some woman called Wynthrop." "Blah, blah, blah." "Kill the hostages unless their demands are met!" " Kill?" " Yes." "Come on, don't stand around gawking." "Come on!" "Let's be having you." "For years I agonised over the burning issues of the day." "Social injustice, the plight of the Third World, the uneven distribution of wealth." "Then one day I realised I was doing all of my agonising over lunch at the Russian Tea Room." "So I said to myself, "Pamela, it's time you got involved."" "Is this involved enough for you?" "I mean, that's why I had so many causes and crusades." "My analyst said it's a need to feel as if I'm playing a meaningful role in life." "It's the guilt, too." "It's not easy being the seventh wealthiest heiress in the world." "Pamela, can you move your left hand at all?" "A little." "Why?" "Reach in my pocket." "There's a lighter there." "We could burn through the ropes." "My one consolation is thinking about the look on my father's face when he finds out I'm a hostage." " Pamela..." " He may not even take the call." "Pamela, if you can reach the lighter, he won't even get the call." " You mean escape?" " Yes!" "Can you move this way a little?" " Is that it?" " No." "That's not it." "Oh, Baxter, I'm sorry." "Please don't apologise, but maybe we should find the lighter first." " Perfecto!" " Hey, what it is?" "Tell me the three vital elements we learn at Moscow University for creating insurgency in undeveloped countries." "TIT!" "Ah!" "Si, T-I-T." "Terror, infiltration and television." "Si," "American television." "Just think, Garfield," ""Singing Rebel strikes." "Film at 11:00."" " Singing Rebels." " Of course." "Coast to coast." "Sir Malcolm Leveridge, as spokesman for the British government, do you feel the jailbreak and the taking of the hostages indicates a growing measure of support for the Cascaran Liberation Movement?" "There is no movement." "The only support the Rebel has is a bongo player." "No, this is simply a localised incident, which you people, typically, are blowing up out of all proportion." "No, under British rule, this island has always been and always will be a model of stability, common sense and tranquillity." " Hey!" "Viva la revolucion!" " Whoo!" "Ken, get the burning building in the background." "Come on, Ken, come on." "The Caribbean, once known for its blue seas and sunny beaches, and now more noted as a hotbed of political turmoil, today gave us a new name to add to its catalogue of trouble spots." "This is Ken Warden from Cascara, island in ferment!" "Wearing, we're about to launch a multi-million dollar campaign." "I'm not about to let some half-baked bunch of Commie revolutionaries foul it up." "You've got some good ol' boys who must be itching to kick some ass." "Turn 'em loose." "Sir, that might jeopardise the lives of the hostages." " Screw the hostages!" " That would be the preferred option, but one of them is your daughter, Pamela." "We were never that close." "Baxter, there's four of them and they're armed." "Yes, I know, but we're going to make you the diversion." " Diversion?" " Yes, lie down against that tree." " Lie down?" " Yes." "We want it to look as though I broke free and attacked you." "Why would you do that?" "The heat might have inflamed my senses." "After all, you are a very attractive woman." "Sit down." "Lie down." "How would I look if I'd been ravaged?" " May I?" " Yeah." " Your hair would be all ruffled." " OK." "These would be gone and the necklace." "This would be gone." "And I think you would've done this." " And maybe this." "Yeah?" " Would I?" "Sure, I mean, you would've been surprised by the intensity of your passion, overcome by an insatiable hunger and lust." "You once called me an undesirable alien." "I lied." " Oh!" " Argh!" "Oh!" "Alright, let's have no martyrs for the revolution." "Drop your guns and put your hands behind your heads." "Now, follow the river." "Keep the volcano on your left." "With a bit of luck, you'll reach Calamity Cove by nightfall." "If your boat is still there, you can set sail for Havana." "And face Fidel after this fiasco?" "We make for Miami." "I have a cousin there." "Ah, si, Pacheco," "We go underground and spread sedition." "No, we deal coke, like AI Pacino in Scarf ace," "Another fine mess you got me into." " Can we go with them?" " No, we go to jail." "For real, this time." "Bread and water, solitary." "I shall probably write my memoirs." "Delgado Fitzhugh, The Years Of Struggle," " The struggle isn't over." " Whose side are you on, man?" "Cascara's." "This is my home." "If we don't move fast, we'll lose it, either to the Cubans or the Brits or the next bunch that want their grubby paws on it." "We are the only ones who can stop them." "We're with you all the way." "Aren't we, gentlemen?" "But there's only four of us and she's a woman." "I can't believe I'm hearing this in the '80s." " At least the Cubans had a plan." " What was it?" "We don't know." "They never told us." "I have a plan." "Are you with me?" "Between ourselves," "London's delighted to have guerrillas creating havoc in the hills." "And they think I engineered the whole thing." "So I'm smelling of roses." "Of course, I do realise that this is a time of great emotional stress for you with your husband captive." "But, you know, my life too could be in danger." " Yeah." " Maybe I should go someplace." " Like the Riviera." " I'd rather you didn't." "It'd look better if you stay for the press." "Loyal little wife bravely choking back a tear, quivering upper lip." " I suppose I must do my duty." " That's the spirit." "Why don't you slip into that nun's habit again?" "Go on, off you go." "Here in Cascara, the man they call the Singing Rebel is still at liberty." "In this remote and inhospitable terrain, he could be in one of a thousand places." "Somewhere out there there's..." "Why have you guys got your hands in the air?" "I mean, are we still rolling or what?" "Your search is over, Ken." "Hey, you're Ken Warden!" "Hey, everybody, it's Ken Warden!" "Open up for Mr Warden." "How you doing, Ken?" "You gonna do a piece on us?" "You got it, buddy." "Do I have time to trim the old fungus?" "Hey, it's Ken Warden!" "All you sons of imperiality" "Never mind that, Delgado." "Tell them we're ready to die for the cause." " We're ready to die for the cause." " Yeah, right now." "If anybody moves, we'll blow up..." "Blow up..." "Blow up... the well." "Do as he says." "Back off." "Great kick, He's down to the 30-yard line," "Sanderson gets..." "They ain't blocking, tackling." "They ain't doing a goddamn thing." " It's your daughter calling." " Ah, shit!" "This had better be good." "We're deep in the fourth quarter and trailing." "I'm sorry if I caught you at a bad moment." "Know what your problem is?" "You never learned to accept being rich." "All you ever did was try to screw it up for the rest of us." "Look where it's got you." "You're probably being raped and tortured by a bunch of bandits when all that's mine could've been yours." "Part of it is mine now, Daddy." " What's happening?" " Interception." "You were saying, Pamela?" "I said I have your water, Daddy." "If you don't call your friends in important places," "I'll blow it all to hell!" "Mr President, American business is at stake." "I recommend we move in now." "Here's an opportunity to show Castro in his own back yard." "We send in the marines, like we did in Grenada." "Seems to be unanimous, Mr President." "Shall I wake him?" "Stop!" "Four minutes and 16 seconds." "They rendezvous at the yacht, back in Martinique before dawn." "I congratulate you, Kessler." "You have done well." "Hand-picked mercenaries, madam, the scum of the earth!" "Let me talk to them." "Gentlemen, I can now reveal the purpose of your mission." "French mineral water is the finest in the world." "But it is threatened by the upstarts of Cascara." "You will destroy their well." "It is a dangerous mission and some of you will die." "But remember, in a world gone mad, you will die for the principle that you all hold close to your hearts." "Money!" "Vive le franc!" "Vive le Deutschmark!" "Vive le dollar!" "Vive the numbered bank account in Switzerland!" "The British people will never bow to the tactics of terrorism." "The Special Air Service has already been dispatched, willing to demonstrate once again the gratuitous violence and mayhem for which they are so rightly famous." " Do it, do it" " Oh" " Do it" " Oh" " Do it, do it" " Oh" "Do it" "Looking through the morning dew" "A smoking mountain's nothing new" "Hi, guys in 82nd Airborne," "Moscow Radio has just described your presence here as an act of provocation, detrimental to world peace," "Hey, man, don't kick down our doors cos you won't find anybody," "They're all down at the well." "Why don't you head on down there?" "They got pretty girls, dancing, the T-Bone Jefferson Steel Band and barbecued goat." "We'd love to see your face at the place." "Renegade governor, Baxter Thwaites, has called for a confrontation with British authorities to issue his demands." "As you can see by the carnival atmosphere here, this is not the isolated act of some fanatical minority but a movement that has caught the hearts and minds of the people." "Once again American soldiers have set foot on foreign soil in a land which until last week they had never heard of." "Many of them are searching their hearts and asking, "Why are we here?"" "Why are we here, Major?" "Because we're a fucking peace-keeping corps, which means we can't squeeze a trigger until those wise-ass, pinko, media personnel have shipped out of here." "Major "Mad-Dog" Hollister, isn't it?" "Sandy "Take-No-Prisoners" Charlesworth, SAS." "We'll have to move these civilians." "Can't see the target for the limbo dancers." " Those are innocent bystanders." " There's no such thing." "They're all hand in glove with the gooks!" "We are not in Vietnam now, Major." "Those chaps carry British passports." "If any of them have to die, it'll be by a British bullet." "Please give me a little room?" "Thank you." "Go ahead." "Do your best." "Delgado!" "Delgado, your mother and I are both here." "Oh, no!" "I can't handle this." "On television, too!" "It's emotional blackmail, Delgado." "Don't go for it." "We're both appealing to you." "Lay down your arms." "It's too late for that, Eric." "Thwaites, I don't know what you're hoping to achieve, but before you do anything rash," "I'd like to remind you of your duties to the Crown." "And, of course, your responsibilities to Dolores, your distraught wife of 14 years." "I know my responsibilities." "Let him through, Garfield." " Will you people get out of the way?" "I have nothing to say." "Thank you very much, no." "Don't worry, sir, I have a sniper positioned." "Nod and he'll shoot the bastard's pecker off." "Thank you, Major, but I'm sure diplomacy will prevail." "Excuse me." "What do you look like, Thwaites?" "You haven't shaved." "You smell like a rancid goat." "You've thrown in your lot with a bunch of guerrillas." "You've become the Patty Hearst of the British Diplomatic Corps." "I'm helping to ferment revolution." "Wasn't that the British plan?" "I see." "You have rather exceeded your brief." "So, my deal with Delgado still holds, yes?" "All deals are off." "You and the Americans have to agree to let the Rebel appear before the United Nations and put the case for Cascaran independence." "You can't do this." "Think of England." "Think of your duty." "Think of me!" "Have you told him about us, Malcolm?" "It is true, Baxter." "We were without the power to resist." "I want a divorce!" "Oh, shut up!" "Because I want to marry Sir Malcolm." " Shut that woman up, Major." "Where's your bloody sniper, man?" "Congratulations, sir." "I hope you'll both be very happy." "The United States supports the motion proposed by the Soviet Union that the Cascaran Liberation Front be allowed to address the assembly." "Focus of attention" " Everybody knows your name" " Alright, boys." "Remember, don't come on too strong to begin with." "I want you to build." "And the eyes, remember the eyes." "The fire, the passion, the feeling, it's all in the eyes." " Good luck, chaps." " Bring us independence." "Bring me a Yankee baseball jacket!" "Focus of attention" "Delgado, you've got a great ass." "Move it!" "Know how it feels on the breadline" "Now you're the one that's making headlines" " Whoo" " Focus of attention" " Breadline, goldmine" " Focus of attention" "Breadline, shoeshine" "Pay attention." "Two of us will mine the rig." "The explosions will be your signal to blow the cliff face." "When they listen to the Rebel's broadcast, that is the time we strike." "Meantime, we eat." "Pierre, break out the emergency rations." "The emergency special is carre d'agneau with beans." "French, of course." "Followed by green salad and cheese and f raises des bois," "To accompany this, we have a robust, young sensimilla, which will refresh even the most cynical palate." "30 seconds." "When the Rebel comes in, I need reactions." "Get me France." "Get me England." "Get me the US." "Get me Russia." "Who's that?" "Sweden!" "Forget Sweden." "They wouldn't react if the roof fell." "20 seconds." "Honourable ambassadors, please welcome the delegates for the Cascara Liberation Front." "OK, everybody, stay sharp." "This is big." "This is bigger than the moon walk." "The world is watching this." "We're talking Emmys here." "Pan left." "Hold it there." "Take one." "Out of Africa and Europe" "Across many oceans" "We came to Cascara" "And the stars and the fates" " Is this dull?" " This is dull." "Unless that guitar turns out to be a machine gun, we're in trouble." "And brother to brother" "Sister to sister As one people we stand" "If independence depends on this song, give the island back to the bats." " It gets better." " How do you know?" "I have some friends in the music business and I made a few calls." "Today" "That's Ringo Who's-This!" "And George What's-This!" "Who's-This and What's-This together again." "Isn't that Eric Clapton?" "My God, it's the concert for Cascara!" "You've invaded our homes" "And our privacy" "Taking everything except the sun and the sea" "We've come here to ask you" "Most humbly" "Please won't you grant us our liberty" "We want our freedom" "Whoa, whoa" "Give us our freedom" "Whoa, whoa" "We want our freedom" "Whoa, whoa" "Give us our freedom" "Whoa, whoa" "We are very poor people" "Easily led" "Have to scratch with our hands now" "To keep our babies fed" "You bring in your soldiers" "Put a gun at our head" "The way things are going" "We'd be better off dead" "We want our freedom" "Whoa, whoa" "Give us our freedom" "Whoa, whoa" "We want our freedom" "Whoa, whoa" "We want to live as we please" "With strength and with pride" "Make our own decisions" "With no help from outside" "Please let us be" "Leave us alone" "We need to be free" " You've tipped the scales, Pamela." " It's only the beginning." "Whoa, whoa" "Give us our freedom" "Set the fuses for two minutes." "I'm going to diffuse these charges." "Nobody's going to fight us now." "My father will." "He'll do anything he can to get even." "Pamela, I sometimes wonder if you do what you do for humanity or simply to get back at dad." "Give us tomorrow" "And a future that's free" "We want our freedom" "Whoa, whoa" "Give us our freedom" "We are all different colours" "Who stand here and sing" "But the same hearts are beating" "Under the skin" "Our hearts are all hoping" "That you'll turn the tide" "Give us this joy of national pride" "Give us our freedom" "Whoa!" "Who are you?" "Why are you here?" "For the bloodshed and the money!" "We are the dogs of war!" "Who's paying you?" "It's the bloody French, isn't it?" "I can smell the garlic." "We want our freedom" "Whoa, whoa" "Give us our freedom" "I have been trying to get back at Dad but I have a good reason for it." "Dad's a prick!" " The bombs go off in 20 seconds!" " What bomb?" "Where's the other one?" "Get the bomb." "Is this the bomb?" "The water is destroyed." "My mission is accomplished." "If you have need of an army, here is my card." "Thank you." "It's time to go home, Baxter." "Face the facts, man." "The water's gone." "When they activated this drill, they struck an underground well they didn't know was there." "The explosion may have caused some geological shift or fracture." "There could be oceans of it still down there." "You've been telling us that for a week." "It could take a week." "It could take a year." "It's not going to happen, Baxter." "They're only giving us independence because we have nothing of value." "At least everything we don't have is ours." "We've been offered a record deal." "I hardly think your royalties will pay the national debt." " I saw a lot of bats today." " So?" "Their excrement, called guano, is one of the world's richest fertilisers." "Someday it could be a very important export." "How do people eat while we wait for bats to crap?" "I'm only trying to be positive." "What's that noise?" "With our luck, it's probably the bloody volcano." "Holy Moses!" " It's oil!" " It's oil!" "The rope also belongs to Britain, Thwaites." "Then, you shall have it, sir." "There goes lunch." "Smile, Sir Malcolm, as the cameras catch the dying moments of a British colony." "The dying moments of my career!" "Thanks to this disastrous episode," "Margaret Thatcher is gonna have my balls!" "OK." "Stop this screwing around!" "I want to leave now!" "And if she doesn't, Sir Malcolm, Dolores certainly will." "I grew up bathing in sea water" "But nowadays that is bare horror" "If I only venture down by the shore" "Police telling me I can't bathe no more" "Cos Jack don't want me to bathe on my beach" "Jack tell them to keep me out of reach" "Jack tell them I will never make the grade" "Strengthen security Build barricade" "That can't happen here in this country" "I want Jack to know that the beach belong to me" "That can't happen here over my dead body" "Tell Jack that I say that the beach belong to me" "Gonna celebrate" "This day of independence" "They can't take away" "Our day of liberty" "Like we all decided" "So let us raise our voices" "Thank the Lord and count our blessings" "Now the world can see" "We achieved prosperity" "Gonna celebrate" "Now that we have our freedom" "Whoa" "No one can deny" "That it was destiny" "They fight us Unite us" "And now the people's voices" "Thank the Lord for all His blessings" "And you all can see" "Our happiness, prosperity" "Gonna celebrate" "Whoa" "Our independence" " Gonna celebrate" " Celebrate" " Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate" " Our independence" "Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate" " Celebrate, celebrate" " Our independence" "Destiny, destiny, prosperity, prosperity" "Our independence" " Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh" " Celebrate" "Celebrate, celebrate" "Our independence" "Our independence" "Celebrate" "Independence, independence, independence"