"Previously on The Riches..." "Travelers?" "I don't think we know any traverlers." "You know, my buddies up in new york, they still don't think you people exist." "We're gonna have ourselves a wedding." "Our boy and your girl." "I am the new boss." "He is the old boss." "Get over it." "Life's a river, kid." "You gotta go where it takes you." "Come on!" "You're in the wrong lane!" "Mick, look out!" "Shit!" "I'm sorry." "You want to pretend to be the dead guy?" "You want to wear his suits and you want me to be his dead wife." "Hello." "Dougy was lookin' for work..." "As a lawyer." "You ever done in-house?" "Panco team, meet your... new legal chief." "Aubrey's a five-star paralegal, wants to be a lawyer, too." "School?" "Who want to learn a bunch of buffer bullshit?" "School is the cornerstone of buffer society." "Kids okay?" "Didi's screwin' around on the guitar," "Cal must be out with that neighborhood kid." "The American Dream... we're gonna steal it." "So, how do I find you?" "I'll pick you up." "Who followed you?" "There he goes, Dale." "Now we ain't gonna be able to follow him." "Doug." "Doug, are you okay?" "What are you doing out here?" "Came out for some air." "I must have dozed off." "Couldn't sleep." "Stress, huh?" "Eat raw eggs and run." "That's what I do." "I'm a fraud." "It's edenfalls, Doug." "We're all frauds, one way or another." "I got to run." "Class at 9 :00." "Eggs, exercise." "It's morning!" "It's supposed to be quiet!" "Asshole." "Synchro:" "Jarick" "Synchro:" "Golgi" "Synchro:" "Hutch" "Season 1" " Episode 05 The Big Floss" " Pardon." " I cannot understand you, freak." " Sam, take the turkey." " Non!" "Non!" "Non!" " Why are you speaking french?" " 'cause he's a freak." "My teacher said I could benefit from total immersion." "In the pool maybe." "Okay?" "You want me to make you a little sandwich, baby?" "Ma, we got it, okay?" "Baby, I'm gonna be late tonight." "I got this meeting with" "Beaufort-Simpson, Et Al." " Who's Et Al?" " Don't know yet." "You kids ready?" "I gotta go." "Well, I could find out who he is." "No, I'll be okay on this one, baby." "Well, that's good 'cause I got a real busy day." "Yeah." "Haven't you got that dentist appointment?" "Cherien has a dentist appointment." "I don't wanna take that." "It's better than doin' nothin'." "Do you think I got nothin'to do?" "Y'all think I have nothin' to do?" "Hell, you know, maybe I should just get a job." "Baby, you got a job." "You're the housewife." "You do it very well." "Allons-y." "Come on, Pierre." "Bye, mom." "Why don't you unpack those boxes in the garage?" "Are you comin', dad?" "A housewife?" "I'm a housewife?" "Now, what is that?" "That is ugly is what that is." "Oh, hi." "Is all that for me?" "'cause we're new here, so that'd be a lot of stuff, unless, of course, it was piling up, which it might have been, 'cause people send a lot of junk mail, don't they?" "Hello, mr." "Butternuts." "You like your job?" "I don't have a job." "I'm just a lonely housewife, all alone." "I was in the slammer once." "Do you hear that?" "I was in prison." "I was in the women's prison!" "Yeah, don't be so friendly next time." "Chatty cathy'll clip your strings..." "Bitch." "Oh, my god." "I'm going crazy." " Mr. Rich?" " Good morning, Aubrey." "Mr. Rich, the Beaufort-Simpson meeting" "I'm gonna stop you right there." "We've been working together for a while now." " Four days." " I think you should call me Wayne." "No, Doug." "Doug's better." "Doug, the Beaufort-Simpson meeting has been moved up an hour." " Fabulous." " Before that, we should probably cover the fallbrook irrigation district v. Bradley, ingress, egress over easement entitlements and the back-up on legal takings under the fifth." "Fabulous." "Laptops, cell phones, ipods." " We could be in some goodkushhere." " Forget it, Cal." "We're buffers now." "Please." "Dad can spout that as long as he likes." "You know we ain't never gonna be like them." "Don't you think you should answer that, Cal?" "I know it's tammy." " Go play with your buffer friends." " Yeah, maybe I will." "Oh, him?" "Got yourself a buffer boyfriend." "Yeah." "At least he answers the phone." "Now, you want your mockingbirdpaper, dummy?" "How you doin'?" " I'm sorry." " It's cool." "I wouldn't talk to my sister's friends, either." "Oh, really?" "You forgot your geometry homework!" "One second." " Man, he is so cute." " You're such a dick." "What's up, dude?" "Listen." "A bunch of us are going to the Père Lachaise friday night." "It's a bar on lemoyne, south of town from here." "A bar?" "What's getting you in, your good looks?" "Nice." "It's a fake I.D." "You call this a fake I.D.?" ""private property is seized from criminals."" "Yes, mr..." "Doug." "Panco didn't seize this land from criminals, did we?" " I don't believe so." " No, of course not." "We seized it from honest, law-abiding, poverty-stricken, semi-homeless people." "Yes." "And then we..." "Built three mini malls and a skating rink." " A skating rink?" " Hugh's wife of the time..." "Number three, I believe..." "Used to be with the ice capades." "Wonderful." "So following up on that, and for your own instructional purposes." "why don't you tell me in 25 words or less how you would defend Panco in this case." "We pay them just compensation." "They don't seem to agree." "We've brought in new jobs, property values in the area have gone up 85 percent." "We made money not only for ourselves, but also for the people, who, without us, would be nowhere." "Actually, that's where they are right now." "Whatever." "It's our accomplishment, and they should be grateful." "Aubrey, you're brilliant." "You're a godsend." "You're..." "The wind beneath your wings?" "No, not quite that." "How do you do?" "I'm mrs." "Doug Rich of mr." "And mrs." "Doug Rich." " He is the mister, and I'm the..." " The Cherien." "Could you excuse us a moment?" "You do know that dudzik, hiltzik, and strauss will be here at quarter two?" "The composers?" " The attorneys for Beaufort-Simpson." " Of course, right." " Dahlia, what are you doing here?" " I brought you lunch?" "Isn't that what every good little housewife's supposed to do?" "Turkey, jell-o, pop-tarts." " Okay, I get the point." " No, you don't." " I do not wanna do this." " Okay, then don't." "Screw you!" "I'm wasting my time, sitting around in that big ol' stupid house." "There are things that I could do." "Entrepreneur review?" "You always want us to be legit, right?" "I could start a billy bob barbecue franchise." "I could sell vitamins from home." " You know, start a hedge fund." " All wonderful ideas." "They are shit ideas." "All shit ideas then." "This is really not a good time." "I got a really big Eminent Domain meeting." "What?" "Eminent Domain." "It's how you steal people's property..." " Because you want to." " That's what you're doin' here?" "Well, if that's what you're doing, then what do we have to stop being travelers for?" " I know this is hard for you." " No," " don't you tell me what is hard for me." " I have a lot of work right now." "Hugh is expecting me to be a lawyer." "Well." "I wouldn't want to get in the way of what Hugh wants you to do." "I'll just go take my dentist appointment." "Matter of fact, I think I do feel a toothache coming on." " Yeah, I do." " Dahlia?" "It's Cherien." "You want me to be somebody different, better get my name right." "You brought him lunch?" "Yeah, I'm good at that." "I'm guessing you're good at a lot of things." "You know, I could use someone like that around here." "I bet you could." "Have a nice day, Hugh." "Can I help you?" "Oh..." "I don't know." "Um, no." "Oh, do you have an appointment?" "We have so been lookin' forward to meetin' you." "Dr. Dibadeaux won't be long." "Come this way." "My name is Lorraine." " Mrs. Rich, Isaac Dibadeaux." " Hi." "Hi." "Sorry to have you waiting here." "I had someone in my office." " You don't need to lie back." " I don't?" "I'm sorry." "I'm an idiot." "No." "I've seen it happen many times." "So sorry mr." "Strauss couldn't be here today." " There is no Strauss." " He's dead to us." "Good." "Well, it must be clear to your client," " Beaufort-Simpson..." " Clients..." "Beaufort-Simpson, et al." "Bunch of damn freeloaders, pissin' in the gutter, holdin' up a tin can at every stoplight." ""I'm a homeless vietnam vet." "Please help."" "are they actually?" "Back to your point, Doug." "Trained at university of Florida, huh?" "University of Florida." "It's a big school." "Yeah, it's large." "Quite large." " But good." " Yeah." "Well, it must be clear to your clients," "Beaufort-Simpson and al, that they have received just and adequate compensation for their properties." " Practically gave 'em my right nut." " Your left, and we'll settle." " You lousy piece of..." " Gentlemen." "Gentlemen, please." "Clearly, you were very well-liked in Tampa." "Yeah." "Yes, I was." "You know, your credentials, experience, references, interview seems hardly necessary." "Interview?" "What, like a job interview?" "Yeah, that's..." "That's what you're here for, isn't it?" " You know, as vietnam vets..." " They aren't..." "Vietnam vets." " Thank you, Aubrey." " You're welcome, mr." "Rich." "But if they were to become vietnam vets, if we went back in," "they would realize that Eminent Domain is a powerful tool that has developed this country all the way up to here" "And it has created military installations, highways, byways, airports." " Guantanamo bay is..." " You bulldozed their homes." "Hovels is more like it." "I don't see any byways next to your skating rink." " No, but we're gonna build one." " A byway?" "Oh, screw your goddamn byways." "Haven't you read calder v. Bull?" "Yeah, have you read Hester v. Strapling?" "Have you read Monkey v. Chestnut?" "Jiggle v. Craphousen?" "Roaster v. Blowme?" "Ratzen v. Catzen?" "He's insane." "You forgotten that the bright line rule applies to this case?" "Mr. Rich, what about the fifth amendment's takings clause?" "Or did you think our clients were in a position to purchase allodial title to their land?" "Allodial." "How do you ignore justice O'Connor inhawaii housing authority v. Midkiff?" "Or thurgood marshall Inloretto v. Teleprompter manhattan catv corp?" " Berman v. Parker." " Village of euclid v. Ambler realty." "Of course, in the end, it all comes down Toruckelshaus v. Monsanto, doesn't it?" " Well, mr." "Rich, doesn't it?" " Hell, no." "Doesn't boil down to that at all, does it, Doug?" "Is he dead?" "Narcolepsy?" "Totally freak case, Hugh." "I don't know where it came from." "Though my grandmother had it, you know." "She once went right out, right in a cake." "But it's not hereditary, so I don't know what that is." "But, uh, will never happen again, I promise." "If it does, don't bother waking up." "I'll get my files later." "Where's the beer?" " Beats me." " I don't know." "Where's the beer?" "There was beer here." "Did you drink it?" " No." " No." " Did you drink it?" " I don't even like your beer." "Where's Sam?" "He's at his French study group right now." " Our children are drinking the beer." " So?" " Well..." " Oh, my god." "What?" "Dad had to pull a sleeper." "Thank you, Cal." "It happened." "I'm not proud of it." "We can move on now." "So the rest of us have to go straight." "Meanwhile, you're pulling the lamest of the lame?" "Okay, that's enough." "It's not that big of a deal." " Di, he had to pull a sleeper." " So what?" "It's like dad always taught us, you know?" "If all else fails, you close your eyes, you put your head down." "Anyone call you on it?" "Shit, Wayne, I mean, you could blow it for everyone." "You think you're gonna get fired?" "We can make money some other way, guys." "That's great 'cause he couldn't handle the lawyer thing, and now we're even more screwed than we were..." " All right, enough, all of you." " All right." "Kids are just trying to be helpful." "Yeah." "Well, it's not helping me." " Look, if he gets fired." " We have nowhere to go, okay?" " What do you mean, stop?" " Will you just settle down!" "Everybody's gonna be fine, and we're gonna have money because..." "I got a job today." " A job?" " As what?" "As a well-trained, well-liked, board-certified dental hygienist." "Do you know, if you put that on your head, it might make your headache go away faster." "How do I look?" "I must say, there's something about a woman in uniform." "I know." "You know," "I never thought I was gonna get excited about looking in people's mouths, but" "I really think I can do this, Wayne." "You know, I really do." "And I can do the lawyer thing." "Oh, I know you can, baby." "No, don't just say that." "Don't just humor me." "Tomorrow, I will get on top of this." "I'll figure it out." "Are you asking me if I still believe in you?" "'cause you know I do?" "I think this calls for a little dental hygienist sex." "The only thing I rember about the dentist is a world of hurt." "That's what I'm talking about." "Oh, baby." " What?" " I can't." "Why?" "Headache." "I'll clean your teeth." " Come on." " This is not sexy at all." "You only get one set." "Are you gonna do anything?" "Sure." "I sure am." "What are you doing?" "Uh, you just be quiet there, Junior." "Is that your real name?" "Junior?" "Of course, it's my real name." "And and are these your real teeth?" "Yeah, they're my real teeth." "Um, just checkin'." "It's my job." "Okay, comin' in." "Shouldn't you turn it on?" "You're one of those who thinks it's only workin' if it hurts." "How's that?" "You like that?" "Oh, you like that, huh?" "Yeah, you want more?" "You want a little more?" "A little more than that?" "How's that?" "Bad, bad boy, Junior." "Oh, you like that." "You dirty, dirty little man." "Moo goo gal pan." "Moo goo gal pan." "Moo goo gal pan." "Moo goo gal pan." "Moo goo gal pan." "Moo goo gal pan." "If you say it often enough, it doesn't sound right." "By the way, Doug, the name "Wayne" ?" "Is there anything you wanna tell me?" "It's, um, a nickname." "You mean like :" "William, Billy," "Joseph, Joey," "Doug..." "Wayne." "Where's the new Beaufort-Simpson strategy ?" "Almost got it, Hugh." "I've got Aubrey looking into those lawyers, see if she can find any... irregularities." "Aubrey is a paralegal, Doug, dragging' her ass through the second year of community night school." "And from what I understand, she's from a somewhat disadvantaged, absent father, crackhead mom, no money, broken home kind of background." "So my guess is her undergraduate bona fides ain't so hot, either." "Where'd you go, Gal ?" "State ?" " Yes." " Thought so." "Good night." "By the way, Doug... you got 48 hours." "Dr. Dibadeaux ?" "Please, it's Isaac." "I just wanted to thank you..." "I just wanted to thank you for hiring me." "Good first day, huh ?" "Yeah." "It was interesting." "Different." "You're not a... great hygienist, are you ?" "But I like you." "You do ?" "I'm gonna get better." "I mean, I'm gonna get more comfortable with the patients and... instruments." "Are you okay ?" "Oh, you ain't." "I'm grieving, Cherien." "This is grief." "My wife passed away two months ago." "So much... effort building a practice." "Working long hours, saturdays." "Ruth hated that." "I told her I had to, that it was important, you know ?" "All that time." "Well, I'm sure it was important." "She was in pain, so... people say it was a blessing." "They tell me it gets better with time." "Well, ... if you hurt, you hurt." "And those people, what do they know ?" "Ain't no blessing." "You're here alone now, ain't you ?" "That's just the fact of it." "And time ?" "What, you're just gonna forget her ?" "You've been alone, haven't you ?" "I'm sorry." "I shouldn't do this." "Go along." "I'll see you tomorrow." "You didn't even want to give the exercise a try ?" "All I need is coffee." "If you say so." "Hey, listen, I can't stay." "I gotta run." "I got a class at 9:00." " LSU ?" " No." "Deansborough, guest lecturer." "They don't pay much, but I like it, you know." "The students are smart, they know what they're talking about." "They're not afraid to give it to you." "Give what to you ?" "Their thoughts, their answers, their participation." "Answers ?" " Just stop, okay." " Come on, Di." "I mean, you have him over for dinner, he meets the parents." "Isn't that what buffers do ?" "Don't you have to run away or something ?" "Cal, I want you to do something for me, all right ?" "Di's got herself a boyfriend." "She's too nervous to ask" " if he can come over for dinner." " Oh, sure, bring him along." "Dad, no." "I don't wanna do that." "I feel..." "Bring him along." "We'll have a party." "I want you to get on the internet and find out everything you can about Deansborough University." "No, can do." "I'm gonna be late for school." "I don't care." "Do it." "I'll write you a note." "Take that and rinse real good." "Now..." "My name... is Doug..." "Rich..." "And I am your guest lecturer for today." "And my specialty is attorney-client relations." "So I will be teaching you how to speak to your clients." "First clue :" "speak english." "Always helps." "Now, we have a test case here, which is Roquefort-Plimpton, et Al V. Blatco." "So for the purposes of this, you have to imagine" "I know nothing about the law." "I mean, really nothing." "If I like your responses, we have cookies." "Any questions ?" "That was rhetorical." "Economic rejuvenation is a justifiable public use to exercise Eminent Domain." "And in english that would be..." "That was english." "Big-word english." "No cookie." "What he means is just making money is enough to allow the fat cats" " to take the little cats' houses." " Good answer." "One for Ms. Cardillo." "But that's not enough, or Roquefort-Plimpton wouldn't have a case." "Not a good answer." "Cookie back." " They don't have a case." " One for Mr. Cypher." "I don't agree." " They do have a case." " Because ?" "The mini mall's a wash, the skating rink's ambiguous." "The economic rejuvenation must be a public benefit, and that benefit must be clearly defined." "So to a client, you would say..." "Blatco needs to specify what the public is getting out of that skating rink." "Cookie." "Cookie." "A cookie to you." "Hey." " Hey, Ma." " Hey." "What's going on ?" "Uh, this is Brent." "Hi..." "Mrs. Rich." "Oh, you can just leave it at "hi"." "I don't like that "Mrs." too much." "What you got going on ?" "A little prank." "It's nothing big." "It's..." "It's no big deal." "It's little." " It's little ?" " It's little." "All right, you make sure it stays that way, cupcake." "I'm going upstairs to change." "What you looking at ?" "Nothin'." "Nothin' at all." "Well done." "Thank you." "You are all very intelligent." "Don't do crack." "Ms. Cardillo, last one..." "One for the road ?" "Thank you." "You've got crap-tasting beer, Wayne Malloy, you slime-suckin' piece of shit." "You're always workin' now, aren't you, Wayne ?" "What ?" "You ever think about time, about what you're doing with it." "Dahlia, what are you talking about ?" "Ginny Dannegan." "What a pleasure it is to see you again." "That was real nice, drinkin' all that beer with that baby in your belly." "Yeah, I enjoyed the pop-tarts, too." "Listen, you come in my house again," "I will shove those pop-tarts so far up your ass." "Come on." "Hey, how's little Sammy enjoying his french lessons ?" "Kind of goes along with the rest of his personality, don't it ?" " How do you know about Sam ?" " I know everything about all of you." "When you work, when you sleep, who brushes their teeth, who don't." " You touch my kids..." " Oh, you spit on yourself." "I'm gonna kill you !" "Enough !" "And you keep your paws off me !" "You think this fancy suit can cover up what you are ?" "What exactly might that be ?" "Disrespecting our lives, stealing money from your own family, foregoing the code." ""The hand of one is the hand of all." You forget about that ?" "We didn't forget nothing." "No, you being here is such a wonderful reminder of that." "My being here means you're a dead man, Wayne Malloy." "I think Dale would be mighty interested in your address." "Course, I haven't given it to him..." "Yet." "What do you want, Ginny Dannegan ?" "Sorry to interrupt." "I've got to talk to my son, Cal." "Something awful has happened." "Don't mind us." "Stay seated or standing." "Whatever." "His little dog got killed." "It was run over by a big ol' 16-wheeler." "A tragic accident, heartbreaking." "Got to tell him now cause, you know you can't come home with that kind of news." "Thank you so much for your understanding." "Thank you." "She said she followed you home the other night from some diner ?" "Look, stop." "If you hadn't brought us here in the first place, none of this would've happened." "Shut up !" "I'm crying into my beer now, Cal." "He's just trying to give you a decent life." "A decent life ?" "We had a decent life." "We had a decent life in the RV." " We were doing fine." " You let her find us." "What did I always tell you ?" "Don't get caught." "Only shithead travelers get caught, Cal." "You are in the shithead box right now." " How could you break a cardinal rule ?" " I'm sorry." "You know what we've had to do ?" "Do you know what you have opened us up to ?" "Cause that could've been Dale." "Hell, it could still be Dale, and I think you know that he wants to kill your dad." "I said I'm sorry." "Okay ?" "I am." "I'm sorry." "What do you want?" "Oh, I want that I didn't raise a son so goddamn stupid." "It's too late for that though, huh ?" "Everything was simpler in the RV." "You miss it, don't you ?" " You want my stash ?" " How much you got ?" "10, 11, 12, 13." "Thirteen ?" "Jesus, Ken." "You've been saving that up since you been about what ?" " Five ?" " It doesn't matter." "You're my sister, and I want you to have it." "So, you gonna take it ?" "Yeah, Ken." "Put the money in the bag, and then put the bag in the car." "Does this thing work ?" "Oh, Lorraine." "They're saying some awful things, Cherien, but I don't believe them." "I think it must have been a heart attack or... maybe a stroke." "Did they work on him ?" "Did they, you know... zap him ?" "Heart attack or stroke." "Aw, shit, Dr. Dibadeaux..." "Isaac." "Man, I'm so sorry about your wife." "I know how you felt." "I know what it is to miss people." "No." "No, I don't think our clients would find that remotely acceptable." "Increased compensation is what they are looking for." "And when we get to court, I don't think the judge is gonna be..." "Oh, I don't think we'll be going to court because you guys are nothing but a pair of crackers." "Even you, and you're black." "Now, Aubrey here, who is an excellent paralegal, has discovered that you guys are not only waiting for a percentage of a settlement, but that you're also on a retainer." "I think you're bleeding your clients." "If it isn't bad enough that they've got their homes stolen by this asshole, you guys are draing the rest of their income on a bogus lawsuit." " Damn right, and I might add..." " Shut up, Hugh." "In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they took you to court for misrepresentation, negligence, dereliction of duty..." " Malfeasance." " Him, too." "Won't fly, Mr. Rich." " Our clients were fully informed." " And they fully accept our contract." "How accepting will they be when they're spending every day in court instead of taking their kids to the Ducaine boys and girls community skating rink ?" "What ?" "A clearly defined public asset often skated in by Mr. Eminent Domain." "If I haven't told you this before," "I love it when you call me an asshole." " What are you doing here?" " Hugh offered me a job, and" "I'm gonna take him up on it." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, baby." "You've got a job." "No, I quit." "Something happen ?" "Oh, yeah." "I wanna work for Hugh." "I don't know what Hugh said, but he is full of crap." "Yeah." "Now, Wayne, come on, let me out of the office." "Dahlia, I don't think this is a good idea." "What do you think is a good idea, Wayne ?" "You think being a fancy lawyer is a good idea ?" "Me cleaning people's teeth ?" "Is that why we quit being travelers ?" "Don't blow this, Dahlia." "The dentist guy, he likes you." "You said it yourself." "Well..." "The dentist guy is dead." "He's lying on the floor right now with a bottle of pills in his hand." "All he wanted was his wife, and she died." "And time..." "And that ran out." "Don't you get it?" "Life is shit, Wayne." "And it hurts." "And it tears at us." "And we can't change it." "All you can do is be together." "We are together." "We are not." "Just like we weren't together when I was away." "Were you better without me then ?" "Were you ?" "No." "But you're better without me now." "I lived without you for two years..." "But I'm not better without you." "I don't wanna be." "I don't." "Neither do I." "It's very excellent pizza, Mrs. Rich." "You picked a good night." "Not really." "What mrs." "Rich means is she would've cooked a lovely meal." "If I had known you were coming." "Look, if no one else is gonna get it..." "I'll go." " Do you like anchovies ?" " No way." "Never." "Me, neither." "Shut up, Sam." "Well, look who it is." "Hi, everybody." "Oh, shit." "Dahlia," "Didi," "Cal, Sam." "Who's that ?" "That'd be Eric." "Di's boyfriend." "Who is that ?" "This would be Ken." "Di's fiance." "What ?" "So, Ken, got any bags ?" "What ?" "!" "I left it on the front step." "Allow me."