"...." "I mean a guys gotta be pretty hopped up on testosterone to hit on you in a grocery store." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "I read in Dr. Allen's column that grocery stores are a safe place to encounter relationship material." "What I said regarding grocery stores was this: they afford you the opportunity to subtly note commonalities, okay." "Say you're vegan and he's toting half a pound of veal, cross him off." "If he's holding a pint of humus, Italian mineral water and a bouquet of gladiolas, cross him off." "What?" "Why?" "He's gay!" "Oh." "At least that's been my experience." "Once I was in the produce section and this man asked me to squeeze his..." "His what?" "Yeah what is it." "I'm in a meeting." "We need you down here." "Tonight if possible." "Why?" "McCormick's on call." "Yeah, but you don't want to miss this one." "It's right up your alley." ".... reveals the level of degradation men has reduced us to." "It might take me a while." "It says he was picked up at Erie and Clark for drunk and disorderly." "Why isn't he sleeping it off in some precinct house?" "There was no point." "The breathalyzer was negative." "They found him brawling with a pimp." "It seems the fellow was standing at the corner offering to find people dates." "The pimp?" "No, the patient." "The pimp took umbrage." "Naturally you thought of me." "There's more to it than that, but you'll see for yourself." "Well I assume his name isn't John Doe." "That's good instincts Claire." "Now, you've been working on that follow up to your first book for a long time now." "How's it coming?" "Honestly, it's not." "I'm still researching, you know...... considering returning the advance money." "I hate to admit this but love and romance from a scientific standpoint may be a dry well." "Why do you ask?" "Sorry." "... It's a Valentine's day conspiracy." "I don't blow my own horn" "There you go, look at that, so I end up on wrapping paper looking like a fat winged baby." "There you go, look at that, huh." "I used to teach....." "He thinks he's Cupid?" "Keep your advance money." "There's your bestseller." ".... never worn a diaper in my life." "You'll never hear me go "scupe"" "I'll never be that guy." "Name?" "Cupid." "I've got all night." "Tremendous." "I'm free too." "Maybe we should hang the "do not disturb" sign." "I'll ask you to refrain from that sort of innuendo." "You will?" "When?" "Now." "Okay." "Doctor." "Patient." "Are we clear?" "Yes indeed." "One of my favourite games ever." "I've got a hernia." "I can't help you, unless you let me." "You want to help me?" "Mm-hmm." "Get me out of here." "I've got a job to do." "I can't do it in here." "Understand this...." "I am your ticket out." "Now, tell me your name." "The name.... is Cupid." "Hey, according to Dr. Allen, the number one reason women don't date much once they've hit thirty is because they expect perfection." "Do you think that's true?" "Good luck with the ladies today, huh, Charlie." "No, I don't think that's true, Laurie." "I think the reason we don't date that much is because of all those chicks who made finding Mr. Right a priority at 24." ""'All of the good ones are taken.' is the frequent repost of women whose ideal man exists only in Camelot and Merchant-Ivory films."" "Let me see that." "Before we begin today a word about the accommodations." "I couldn't find the concierge, so you're the lucky one." "Jot this down." "Why am I asking you this." "That's all you do." "You jot." "Number 1" " new tailor..." "I'm Papillon." "Number 2 - new chef." "Number 3 - new clientele." "There is a gentleman out there who is hiding ping pong balls in a place where....." "let's just say that I won't be signing up for the tournament." "Uh, Hector, I'm fine here." "Thank you." "You sure?" "Yeah." "I need you in goal tonight, Hector." "Right." "Yesterday you mentioned a job?" "You know, your hair would look better down." "When you decide you're ready to get serious why don't you let one of the bell hops, those are the large fellows with the white suits, know." "It's more like a punishment." "Excuse me?" "It's more like a punishment." "It's not a job, it's a punishment, one hundred couples matched up before I'm allowed back." "Back where?" "Mt." "Olympus." "Of course." "You asked." "Ah, so, this is a punishment." "That's an interesting choice of words." "Did you do something wrong?" "At the expulsion hearing they yammered on about me relearning my craft, the screwed up state of love and romance, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." "Frankly I found the whole thing..... ridiculous." "Hmm, why's that?" "A hundred couples, I used to knock that out before lunch." "Really?" "Yeah." "How'd you pull that off?" "My bow....my arrow....they're magic." "Um, do you have those with you now?" "Right now?" "At this moment?" "Yeah, maybe-- maybe you can shoot me and I'd more fully understand this magic." "Do you see a bow?" "If you don't have a bow and arrow, then how can you claim to be Cupid?" "Try to follow." "They sent me back...solo, on my own, no weaponry, no magic." "Oh, that is convenient." "Uh, so you said a hundred couples, right?" "Correct." "So how long do you think that'll take you, bowless?" "Two weeks, max." "Two weeks?" "Yeah...eleven days." "Nine days." "Put-- put five." "Put five." "Make-- make-- I can do it in five." "What is it?" "Put five." "I think I can do it." "McLucky, what've you got there, Barb?" "Oh a pair of 3's won't do it and you're out of socks." "Now comes the top." "Hey, Cupid, get your clothes back on before I write your crazy ass up." "Dr. Allen's waiting." "Come on!" "Lets go!" "Dr. Allen's waiting." "Okay, all right." "Look at Charlie hustle." "Look at Charlie hustle." "Charlie hustle." "Charlie hustle." "Hey, you know what?" "Hector..." "Yeah?" "Guess who was checking you out at breakfast?" "Who?" "Eleanor." "The nurse?" "B-wing Eleanor?" "Yes." "No way." "Watch out, Chuck, he's crazy!" "Never mind that." "So-- so what do I do about Eleanor?" "You reel her in." "What, reel her in, just like that?" "Yeah, yeah." "First thing you do, you talk about her smile, right?" "After she laughs that up, tell her the best part of your day is when she touches your hand when she laughs." "Okay." "Yeah." "Okay, then you tell her you like looking at her silhouette when she medicates the old timers at the big bay window at dawn." "You notice that, huh?" "Yeah, but I can't just walk up to her and say it." "Why can't you do that." "You like her lips, Hector?" "Oh yeah." "Tell her you want-- you long-- you long to taste them and that you're sure they're some rare combination of honey and wine and you lie awake in bed at night and you remember the way she" "smells and there's something sexy about her stealthiness, right?" "The way that she walks heel to toe in her size 8's Minolo" "Blahniks, never suspecting that you're constantly aware of her...." "All right." "... presence." "And they're 7's." "Do what he tells you, Hector, and you'll probably end up facing sexual harassment charges." "Nice hat." "Thank you." "Dr. Allen." "Excuse me." "Hector who you gonna believe?" "God of love for 3000 years or Madame Rorschach?" "Well she is the relationship expert." "Sh-- she's the what?" "Olympus, tell me about it." "Non stop clothing optional party, everyone's beautiful, drinking wine, chasing nymphs." "An amazing place, you have no idea." "I saw "Boogie Nights"." "Okay." "Neptune, details." "Gives me a team of oxen and a handful of sheep every year for my birthday." "Gee, that's interesting but not what I meant, though." "I see what you're doing." "Okay, Neptune:" "Jupiter's older brother, he helped defeat the Titans, rules the seas, does a real nice job." "Venus and Mars." "Mom and dad, come on." "We started easy." "Romulus." "Founder of Rome." "Minotaur." "Nasty creatures, bull's head, man's body." "Peleleos." "Theban leader during the Trojan War." "Lactose intolerant." "Okay, okay, so you know your mythology." "Anyone can study a book." "So tell me, how did Psyche react when the gods sent you back to earth?" "Who?" "Psyche." "Cupid's wife." "My what?" "His wife." "She was mortal." "He fell in love with her despite the gods' objections." "This is one of Cupid's best known myths." "You don't know about this?" "That never-- that never happened." "I..." "Well it's right here." "It's right in the book." "I mean, I can let you see it right there." "I'm telling you it never happened." "Chapter fourteen." "There's a picture." "It must have happened." "So your saying Cupid was married." "Yes.... he was." "In summary, after weeks of therapy I believe this patient is no danger to himself or others." "Therefore I am recommending to this competency committee his immediate release." "Additionally he has taken great strides in overcoming his delusional state." "He no longer believes he's Cupid." "And yet you still have no idea as to his true identity?" "No name?" "It's Trevor." "Trevor Hale." "Well good, that eases one of my qualms." "Does he have any money, a place to go?" "Uh, uh, well, when we found him he had $170 with him." "There are a number of shelters that we work with, as you know.... $170 isn't going to last very long in this city." "Well if you review the documents I've prepared you'll see his aptitude scores are off the charts." "He'll have no trouble finding employment." "Are you prepared to take responsibility for that?" "I am." "Good." "I think I can speak for the committee when" "I say we all approve the release of .... um...." "Trevor Hale, under the following conditions." "One - he find employment and two - you continue to regularly monitor his progress." "But..." "Good work as usual Dr. Allen." "Uh... my-- my case load is such that I..." "Thank you, Dr. Allen." "Next case, please." "Thank you." "Thank you for all your help, then." "See you later." "Get that pilot's license." "Excuse me!" "Uh...there you go." "Uh, Tuesdays and Fridays..." "You got a card?" "That's great." "I" " I-- yes I have a card." "I" " I mediate a group, it's a singles group and I think that might be a good place to deal with some of your issues..." "A singles group." "Like fish in a barrel, perfect." "What are you saying?" "I'm saying I got a job to do." "A hundred couples before I'm allowed back." "Wasn't going to get it done in there, know what I mean." "Look, Trevor, I just staked my entire professional reputation on you." "Which was sweet..... pretzel?" "No-- you are not a god, okay, you're not Cupid." "You're obviously a man who has issues and problems...." "Hector, Eleanor have a great weekend." "Oh thanks, you too." "They're going riverboat gambling." "Put that in your notes." "See you tonight." "These people need me." "Oh, can you get this for me, I only have a hundred." "Thank you." "Hey, Phil." "Dr." "Allen." "Something I can help you with?" "Yeah I think maybe there is." "Can you run a missing person check for me?" "Not a problem." "Name?" "Trevor..." "Hale." "It's a long shot." "Sure." "Yeah, I hear what you're saying but I do get lonely from time to time now, but it still seems better to me than a life spent with a guy who's not gonna rock my world." "When I say women expect to much, I'm not suggesting that we settle." "What I am suggesting is that we have been raised on fairy tales and we have come to expect one of our own." "True?" "Go ahead we've all shared ours." "Railroad track, Canadian mountie." "Hot day, Good Humour man." "Uh, okay, um, there's this thing, "The Way We Were"... you know, when" "Robert Redford sees Barbara at the fraternity party with James Woods." "And he gives her this look, you know, and the way he crosses the room with purpose, and it's like he's just found the answer to a question that he's never even asked before and they dance" "and um... then he just leaves without saying a word..." "no one dances anymore." "Yeah I know." "That's a great fantasy, now you're going have to let it go because it won't happen." "Okay, it doesn't happen." "It's a movie." "Lasting relationships are built on friendship and compatibility." "Group, this is Trevor..." "Hale." "He's new." "Trevor maybe you should just audit the session this week." "Uh, it's gonna happen." "She's gonna see her dream man from across the room." "She will, but there'll be this problem." "Some bozo who shares her same interest in ornithology will have his arm draped over her shoulder." "Oh, and-- and this man with the Robert Redford walk, maybe he, uh, doesn't want kids and she does, maybe he's unemployed, maybe he lives with his mother." "So?" "So, that is unacceptable for most women." "Maybe he has to take care of his invalid mother, maybe he had to quit his job to conquer Sparta." "So you would tell this woman to wait for someone who reminds her of this perfect looking man in perfect lighting." "Love may not be that, exactly." "But I tell you what it won't be." "It won't be something that stops to check off items on an ideal mate list." "It's not compatibility, it's the chemistry and the heat..." "Yeah ,okay, you know what, for six months if you're lucky." "Then it's negotiation, compromise, and friendship." "Then you die." "I think this is as good a place as any to stop." "Stop?" "We're finally getting to something here, I mean, this is a pop-psychology, sensitivity awareness festival." "Make a move, get in the game." "What, you gonna get hurt?" "Have a beautiful train wreck." "By the way, speaking of love--treadmill--clearasil--happy pill...." "All right...." "Don't forget tonight is open-mic night across the street at Taggerty's." "Dr. Claire don't forget you promised you'd come this time." "Yes, I remember." "And I want everyone to sing tonight." "Okay thanks guys." "Trevor stay." "Fifteen years of training has prepared me to help these people." "Being the Roman god of love for three thousand years has prepared me for what?" "Desk job at Hallmark?" "Okay, you know what, let's say for the moment that you are Cupid." "Remind me again how you made your matches..... oh, that's right, you shot them!" "Huh?" "Random people falling madly in love, they had heat, they had chemistry." "Take a good look around you, Eros, the divorce rate, the personals.... your methodology did not work..." "So-- so why don't you let someone with a little insight take a shot." "Fire away." "Okay." "Jump on in." "I shall." "I forgot my bag." "Think we'll get in." "Whoa there, cowboy." "Let me explain to you the theory of a line..." "This place authentic?" "'Cause you're not exactly lookin' Irish there, Seamus." "Fair play, T, but you never heard me and lads on the border and pipes." "We're bleedin' deadly." "I stand corrected ... carry on." "Hey!" "Wait!" "Keep it." "Sixteen ounces of liquid courage." "There is no way I'm getting up there." "Come on all the cool kids are doing it." "Know what I like about darts?" "The way they embody the Olympic spirit?" "No." "The fact that you only need one hand to play." "Ha ha ha." "Spreading the love!" "What are you, some kind of professional?" "....next up we got Jerry Ramsey." "Jerry come on, get up here." "Yeah woo hoo." "Yo, babes little help?" "Got a problem buddy?" "Something you need to get off your chest?" "Hey lady, little help down here!" "Didn't think so." "Small penis." "Acting out in public often stems from feelings of sexual inadequacy." "You think?" "Maybe we should test your little theory, see how inadequate I am." "Bad move, brother." "Later, pal." "We've got a budding romance here." "You ever watch Fame?" "You know what I have in common with Bruno, Leroy and Coco?" "I'm gonna live forever." "What about you, you gonna live forever?" "See it would saturate my pleasure glands to rip your skin off and make ponchos for the kids, so keep your paws of my shrink here because I'm a frustrated taxidermist and I'd love to go deep on ya." "We on the same team butter bean?" "Fame?" "Mm-hmm." "You get cable on Mt." "Olympus?" "Omniscience, baby." "Look it up." "Well done, love." "I have to get you a beer on the house." "Actually what I need is a job." "Looks like you could use the help, too." "Know anything about bartending?" "Well, scotch and soda thing always throws me, but...." "Let me get you the recipe." "The name is Linda." "Hey." "Consider this an audition." "All right, nice to meet you." "She must recognize my aptitude." "What can I get you for?" "Think about it, I'll be back." "Come on, if you don't you'll hate yourself tomorrow." "No, no." "If I do people will point and stare." "Yeah, well there's always that chance." "What?" "So Claire, who is that new guy?" "Oh, just someone I know from work." "A doctor?" "No, just a guy." "He's kinda sexy." "Sexy how?" ""Sexy" in that "I'd like to have sex with him" kind of way." "No, he's not." "Let me guess... woman did that to ya." "I haven't had a love life for two years." "Hoping you just said "two beers"...." "Dream girl, describe her to me." "See what we can do." "Dream girl?" "Uh, warm, uh......" "Warm, fuzzy, on fire?" "You know, gotta do better than that." "Give me a type... geisha, amazon, naughty schoolmom...." "Bartender can I get a drink." "Think about that." "Okay." "My man, ever see "The Way We Were"?" "Excuse me." "Yeah." "I think that you should know that I left a slipper in there with the bartender, I'm expecting you to track me down." "I usually get stuck with a wicked step sister." "Uh..." "listen, I know" " I know it's late, and I'd understand if you don't want to go but maybe we can go somewhere and talk....... that was a bad idea." "No...." "No, I'm serious...." "No-- no...." "I mean where do you wanna go considering it's 2:30 in the morning." "Actually there's a place I know." "They do a great" "Civil War reenactment but they're only open till three." "Plus there's bowling and you can wash your clothes there too." "Can you get some coffee there?" "Stonewall Jackson brings it right to the table." "Before we do any laundering, I'm gonna have to insist on a name." "Uh, I'm Dave." "Dave." "I'm Madeline." "I just found Madeline her humble gardener." "You did what?" "They just left in a cab together." "You can't just.... she left with a stranger...." "Did Madeline seem warm to you." "She seemed warm to me, but then again without fifteen years of experience..." "Don't start!" "You!" "Kudos to who ever got you to dress like a woman tonight." "Must be someone here you hope to impress." "Uh.... best....um, best product sold through a comic book?" "Sea monkeys." "Sea monkeys?" "No, no, no." "The hovercraft." "That build-it-yourself hovercraft." "Of course, the hovercraft." "That's my favourite." "Best.... conquistador?" "Ponce De León." "Really?" "I'm more of a Vasco De Gama girl." "Vasco De Gama, huh?" "That's cool." "Best pipe dream?" "White picket fence." "I was gonna say international rock star, but it's uh, kinda, well, a little shallow, so I think I like yours better." "I'm sorry." "I" " I don't know..." "I got a little..." "No-- no." "It was me." "I was just a little, uh......" "It's been a long time since I felt...." "uh, felt anything like that." "It's just up here to the right." "No doorman, no elevator." "I can see why your roommate skipped out on you." "Well, I don't know how I let you talk me into this, so don't push it, all right." "Where were you living before here?" "Lakeview Emotional Wellness Centre and Treatment Facility." "You mean a hospital." "They didn't believe I was really Cupid." "We better have a little chat before beds are assigned." "Top bunk!" ".. to a question that he's never even asked before and they dance and um... then he just leaves without saying a word... no one dances anymore." "Yo!" "Yo!" "Olympus Fats." "Tell me you're not opening up a pool hall up in here." "No, this'll let me know when it's time to go home." "No offence but this place sucks." "Ah, Chicago will frappe your ass." "I meant Earth." "Oh yeah, that's right you're on a .... how'd you put it last night... a mission." "So what?" "You get a point every time a couple of yours you hook up gets to knocking boots." "I wish it were that easy but nope." "Got any more nails?" "So how are you supposed to know when that happens." "Yeah, in the kitchen." "It doesn't matter if they say they're in love, doesn't matter if they get married." "It only counts if the gods decide it's true love." "Those beads just help me keep score." "Hey, what's this?" "Put that down." "That's my Student Tony." "Student what?" "Tony, for best actor." ""Cook County Performing Arts" "Magnate, 1985"." "That's what I do, I'm an actor." "Oh yeah, you were, uh, very convincing last night as that bouncer." "I enjoyed your looming presence." "All right, watch it." "Just so you know I can be sipping Dom at Spago's right now if I played the game." "What game is that?" "The black actor game." "You know-- folky wisdom provider-- cocky boxing opponent-- sacrificial Star Trek crew member..." "Ah, okay, all right, I gotcha." "Well you won't see me at any auditions that specifically says "black actor"." "Oh, I get it." "So you're not interested in working then." "That's not true." "You know what I won that Tony for?" "Student Tony." "Whatever." "Odysseus." "Odysseus?" "!" "Yes." "I'd love to see that." "Can you show me a little bit of it." "I ain't showing nothin'...." "Come on." "Let me see a little bit...." "Please, get out of here..." "Are you an actor or what?" "All right." "All right." ""Fair Penelope, sail not with these ships from Sparta, theirs is a cursed lot...."" "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "It's just I" " I know the guy." "He had a limp and a lisp." "That was tremendous, but in real life he would have more like " ""F-f-f-air Penelope, sail not with these thips from thparta, theirs is a cursed lot." "You were def-f-f-feated..."" "How long are you gonna be here, huh?" "..... on Earth?" "Uh..." "I don't know, it's hard to say." "I think I better get that first week in advance." "So where do you go if you want to impress somebody?" "Most romantic spot in Chicago?" "Without a doubt, upper deck, Wrigley Field." "Yeah, on a clear day I hear you can see Milwaukee." "No you can't." "For a view, there's always drinks at the, uh, Hancock or what about a carriage ride down Michigan Avenue." "Do you people know nothing about romance?" "Ah, the chair recognizes Trevor's id." "For a place to be truly romantic it's got to sneak up on you." "If it advertises that it's romantic you know it's not." "I know this place....." "I hate trying." "The whole putting on lipstick and...." "Yeah, I hate that." "Acting all coy...." "Makes me feel ridiculous...." "So, how is it you made it through these thirty odd years without popping the question to some sweet, young thing." "Well, actually I did once." "Really?" "What happened?" "Well, when I proposed I made a big production out of it, you know." "Skywriting was involved, the whole bended knee thing and I got her a ring... an emerald ring that was my grandmother's...and then my mom's...uh, she acted like I pulled it out of a Cracker Jack box." "Good riddance." "You know you never asked me what I do for a living." "Does it involve the internet and credit cards?" "Ha, no." "Then I'm not sure that I really care." "You know, I have to say, I think you're the first guy I've ever known who doesn't act like what he does is who he is." "You know, I play first base for the Sox." "Frank Thomas plays first base for the Sox." "Uh, what did you say?" "He won first league MVP in '93." ".327 career batting average." "Five time all-star." "They nicknamed him 'The Big Hurt'" "....the patient is merely envious of the piano player's ability." "Yeah, that's a good one." "Hey, Dr. Allen." "Yeah?" "Oh, hey Phil." "What did you find out?" "I think you'll find this interesting." "An R. T. Hale of Manhattan was reported missing four years ago." "R. T.?" "Apparently it's just "R. T."." "It doesn't stand for anything." "Hale was a professor at Columbia University." "They were investigating him for misconduct." "Something about a relationship with a female student." "I don't suppose you found out what subject he taught, did you?" "No." "That's fine." "Thanks Phil." "Yeah." "Ten to one it was mythological literature." "Where you gonna take her?" "Dinner at her place tonight." "So you gonna bust the piñata?" "We still don't know much about each other." "You know what, you're starting to piss me off, man." "At this rate..." "At this rate what?" "Nothing, you can rifle through her dossier later." "What do you know?" "She's the first thing I've felt passionately about, other than work, since.... well, ever maybe." "All right." "Shut up and quit analyzing it." "That's my boy." "That's what I need from you." "That's the kind of thing I need." "So I really have to thank you because before I started coming here I" " I had totally taken myself out of the game." "That's very kind, I..." "I have to thank Trevor too, actually." "Ah, Trevor?" "Yeah if it weren't for him I wouldn't have met Dave." "Oh, um, was there something in particular you wanted to ask me?" "You know, it's about Dave." "Um, he's driving me crazy." "I'm like jelly around him." "It's like I would do anything he wanted me to do." "Are you asking me permission to seduce him?" "Yes." "Often in the beginning of relationships the participants don't talk about the big issues, okay." "They talk about the movies they like or their favourite restaurant." "But they don't stop long enough to ask the big questions." "The big questions?" "Very big questions." "We'll make a list, if those check out, I say jump him." "....so..is...um....spirituality important to you?" "...uh-huh." "...politics?" "...uh, yeah, I vote." "...uh, kids?" "...are they important?" "...do you want them?" "Yeah, some day." "That's the closet." "Sorry." "Housework?" "Uh, 50-50." "..dogs?" "Good." "...casual sex?" "There's nothing casual about this." "Hey looking for Mr. Goodbar?" "Craftini over there says he fantasizes about doing it with a mousketeer." "I know a costume shop down the street." "If you put the ears on you can do a mean little...." "Trevor!" "Can we talk?" "You mean like two people talking or doctor-patient?" "Well, I've got a love story I want to share with you." "Oh great, I got a break coming up, we can grab some food, take a walk." "How about you..." "No, no, you know the rules." "Doctor-patient, how could I forget." "Now stop me if you've heard this one before." "Okay." "It's about a scholar." "Mm-hmm." "A university professor." "Gotcha." "Anyway, he falls for one of his students." "Uh-huh, old story." "This one's a little different." "He falls madly in love with her." "She reciprocates but the semester ends." "For her it was a passing fling." "For him it was much more." "Like I said, old story." "Maybe it doesn't end there." "See, he can't stop thinking about her." "Follows her, shows up at her house in the middle of the night, leaves drunken messages on her machine." "She reports him to the university, he's forced to resign in disgrace." "He snaps." "He gets as far away from her as possible." "Changes his identity." "Eventually he can't remember who he is anymore." "He tells people he's the god of love." "Okay, it's not bad." "I got a better one though." "Let's take your college professor, this time let's say he's a real ass hound." "Just can't stop picking up coeds for a little private tutoring." "Then unexpectedly falls for one of them." "This vain, pompous man finally finds someone who completes him, someone who makes him the man he was supposed to be." "Go on." "Then some jealous coed he tossed away the year before decides to make it her mission to destroy his happiness." "Tells the woman about all the girls he seduced." "The professor's lover can't take it, wants to escape, wants to sleep until it doesn't hurt anymore." "Finds a bottle of pills." "Figures the more she takes the longer she'll sleep." "Then our Prince Charming finds her in his bed but..... no matter how many times he kisses her, she won't wake up." "Drips with poetic justice doesn't it?" "Or is it irony?" "Trevor, I know I can help you." "You know what, I don't know about your ending, sorta hackneyed." "Instead of the whole insanity thing, he should travel village to village wrestling minotaurs for sacks of gold." "Trevor, Hector and Eleanor broke up today." "There was a big scene at the hospital." "You have no magic." "You are not a god." "No bow and arrow." "I explained it to you." "Can't make you believe me." "After tonight ask Madeline and Dave." "They'll say they believe in Cupid." "That's correct." "At this time we are not certain whether the violence manifested this past week at the ward is a sign of dissociative behaviour or bi-polar." "I'd like to get him on some Lithium if it's dissociative and maybe a good mood stabilizer, like Tegretol, if it's bi-polar." ""AND LOVE SHALL MAKE THE EARTH TREMOR AS" "IT'S REBORN IN A STORM OF FIRE AND HAIL"" "And yet you still have no idea as to his true identity?" "No name?" "It's Trevor." "Trevor Hale." "No, no." "But my question is-- is monogamy ever assumed." "Do women figure that's the case once you're, you know, sleeping together." "Condom or no condom?" "Excuse me?" "You!" "Yeah." "You're to blame for this." "You pushed him my way." "Yeah I did." "What's going on?" "He's married." "Oh Madeline the pain you're feeling right now..." "What about the pain I'm feeling right now?" "You-- you treat love like it's some kind of math problem." "What can you possibly tell me about my feelings?" "You sit up there like some kind of a god, and we just soak it all in." "Well, here I am." "A disciple..... and look what it got me." "You heard, huh?" "Why don't you work another bar, all right." "I so much as catch you glancing at a woman in here..." "It's not like that Trevor." "My marriage died along time ago." "Divorce is still legal in this country." "And mine will be final in a hundred and twenty days." "The thing that gets me is I was the one trying to keep it together." "Really?" "Kinda like how Yoko was with the Beatles?" "You have no idea what you're talking about." "I stuck it out two years after her affair, okay." "I suggested therapy, I gave her space, I waited for her to fall back in love with me." "I'd say that was trying." "Please tell me you didn't come here looking for sympathy." "No, I came here to explain this was not an affair." "This is the real thing." "Madeline's not real high on you right now, buddy." "I know, but I'm gonna make her understand that I love her, even if it's pointless." "I'll be like the guy who pushes a rock up the hill." "Sisyphus." "Sisyphus." "That'll be me." "Then why wait." "Hey." "Yeah, you with the mask, take it off." "Forgot, this is for you also." "Thank you." "Bye." "It's not moping, you'll know it when I mope." "My previous joyous existence was the antithesis of this sludge." "For thousands of years, I just shot people, sat back and laughed at the result." "It was a game, an easy game." "Oh man, I prefer the easy game." "Mortality must be a pain in the ass." "I don't know how you do it." "You'll get used to it, Trevor." "Work sucks, weather sucks, getting yelled at sucks..." "I've got to get back." "I'm thinking of disbanding the group." "What?" "You can't do that." "No, Madeline was right." "I just needed a focus group, guinea pigs for my next book." "You know what, who cares about your original motivations, at least you give a damn." "I look around the room I think" " "buddy get a dog, order the complete cable package"." "There's someone for everyone, Trevor." "You know, when you say that, even though I know better I" " I somehow almost believe you." "You've never been in love?" "Not for more than twenty minutes." "Well, it's going to take someone.... patient." "But there is a woman out there for you." "A mortal, not likely." "They would never let me back." "And sister, I am going back as soon as I can." "Cupid fell in love with Psyche." "She was mortal." "Stop saying that." "It didn't happen." "I'm telling you, the weather, the work, getting yelled at." "It would all be a little more tolerable if I could just get a decent Italian meal." "There's great Italian food in Chicago." "I know a dozen places." "Okay, let's go." "Uh..." "look Trevor, we've been through this." "I just don't think it....." "You know, I could use the counselling..." "Dr. Allen." "Doctor?" "Suddenly you're having doubts about your identity?" "No." "Look, from what I hear you're the best shrink around, and it may take awhile, but, you know, with the, uh, right treatment, around the clock availability, you just may be able to cure me of this" "homesickness." "Claire?" "You there?" "Yeah, Trevor, I'm here." "Uh... why don't you meet me at the Clark Street "L" stop." "Uh-huh, good." "Listen, after that, I want you to take a look at the stain on my ceiling." "Trevor!" "Don't get all sweaty-palmed on me, snack-top." "Professional curiosity." "The shape, I think it's an abstract representation of innocence lost." "Or?" "A ducky." "A ducky?" "How does, uh, thirty minutes sound?" "Trevor?" "Hello?" "You sure you wanna do this?" "Sure, Trevor." "I'll be there." "Okay." "Bye."