"Hope I'm not getting mixed signals here." "'Cause I'd hate to think the fact that you're a few years older than me is putting you off." "I mean, what is age, really?" "Just shut up." "You're winning." "Well, in that case, what's your tomorrow look like?" "Ooh." "Three days in a row." "Well, I don't know." "That's starting to sound kind of serious." "I mean, how well do we know each other, really?" "Okay." "Well, let's start with me." "Well, that's pretty much it." "Now tell me about yourself." "I wanna know everything." "Everything?" "Yeah, everything." "Okay." "Uh..." "Why don't we go back to my place?" "Yay." "Eric, if you're gonna have a relationship with me, there's somebody else that you're gonna have to have a relationship with as well." "KELLY:" "This is Diana." "Oh, no." "This is too good to be true." "You're vampires, aren't you?" "Okay, go ahead." "No, no. (CHUCKLES)" "Diana is the babysitter." "Ooh, role-playing." "Okay, I wanna be the commander-in-chief of the allied armies." "No, Diana is my babysitter." "Ah!" "Okay, I get it, yeah." "Diana's my babysitter." "Hi, Mommy!" "Oh." "Uh, Mommy, that would be, like..." "Eric, I would like for you to meet my son Ryan." "You know, Cor, I think I'm developing quite a knack for these scholastic aptitude tests or as I prefer to call them, SATs." "Okay, okay, here's another one." "Verbal." "It's how you talk and stuff." "Keep 'em coming." "No, Shawn, listen to the question, okay?" "Okay. "Perigee is to apogee" ""as zenith is to A, nadir," ""B, cortex, or C, sulfur?"" "Uh... (GROANING)" "(BABBLING)" "A, nadir." "I'm right, aren't I?" "Yeah." "First two times I took the SATs, put down sulfur and cortex, and we saw how well that worked for me." "So a third date with Kelly tonight." "How'd it go?" "Uh, she took me back to her apartment." "(LAUGHING) Wow!" "Details." "Okay, nice apartment, hardwood floors, little kid, overlooking the park." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Eric." "How did she get an apartment overlooking the park?" "Cor, I said she has a kid." "Now, does she get the afternoon sun and everything?" "Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory, if I'm gonna involve you in these adult conversations, you're gonna have to pick up on little key phrases like "she has a kid."" "A kid, huh?" "Yeah." "Well, that kind of complicates things, doesn't it?" "Yeah." "I mean, I guess, but we really like each other." "That's all that matters, right?" "I mean, she's out in the real world." "So am I." "Got a good job, got me a nice house." "I frankly think I'm ready for an adult relationship." "Well, that's great." "So what do Mom and Dad think?" "I'm too scared to tell 'em." "(KNOCK AT DOOR)" "Eric." "Hi, Kelly." "Flowers." "Oh, thank you." "Here you go." "Thanks." "Come in." "Come in." "Thanks. (CLEARS THROAT)" "Wow." "I didn't expect to see you again." "Why not?" "Well, it's just that when most guys find out about..." "I'm not most guys." "See, I..." "I have a little brother and a little sister, you know?" "I'm used to being around kids." "I love kids." "Having a kid brother and sister of your own is a little bit different than being around someone else's kid." "Ryan isn't someone else's kid." "Ryan's your kid." "I can't wait to get to know him, too." "I'm so glad I met you, Eric Matthews." "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Hello, sir." "Sir?" "No, buddy, it's Eric." "Remember, I met you the other night?" "Well, he gets a little shy around new people." "Well, not around me." "Hey, tell you what." "Why don't you and me go out, we'll grab a burger?" "We'll even take your mom." "Mommy, wanna come with us?" "Well, I suppose, but you gotta put your sweater on first, mister." "I don't wanna." "Ryan, I'm not asking you." "Put your sweater on." "No." "You know something, buddy," "I happen to know something about this sweater I bet you you don't." "This sweater was made by a magic genie." "(SOFTLY) Are genies still hot?" "Keep going." "So this genie made this sweater special, and anybody who wears it can fly." "Gimme a break." "Fine." "Don't fly." "Take the bus." "Yeah, sure." "Kids like buses." "ERIC:" "There we are." "See?" "This sweater isn't magic." "I can't..." "You're flying!" "Whoa!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Whee!" "Uh-oh." "We've got engine failure." "We're going down." "(IMITATES PLANE CRASHING)" "Do it again." "(LAUGHING)" "All right, children, Mommy's hungry." "Let's go." "All righty." "Oh, I know this really nice restaurant." "I don't know about kids in nice restaurants." "Oh, don't worry about this place." "While some may see it as elegant and romantic others see it as the perfect place for kids." "Can I go play that pinball machine?" "Well, sure." "I just happen to have a pocket full of quarters here." "Thanks, Eric." "You're welcome, buddy." "Okay." "What's wrong with you?" "What, the quarters?" "I do my own laundry." "No." "You say all the right things, you're good with Ryan, you are cute as heck, and you're not running away." "Where would I run to that's better than this?" "See?" "Stop saying those good things." "Well, I'm sorry." "It's the truth." "I mean, all the girls I've dated, they seem so young, you know?" "They're still trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives." "You, you're well-grounded." "You have a kid." "I mean, you're responsible for a whole 'nother life." "Well, having Ryan has definitely been a blessing in my life, but at this point in your life, is that something that you want?" "(PINBALL MACHINE CLANKING)" "That's where my life is going." "So..." "Tell me about your family." "Ooh, my family." "Okay, um..." "Well, I have a younger brother, Cory, and I really like the kind of guy he's turning into." "You know, I really like hanging out with him now." "Hey, Eric." "Not now." "Get out of here." "Where's the baby?" "Get out of here now." "Hi, Kelly." "I'm Cory, and this is Shawn." "No, really." "Where's the baby?" "What?" "I think it's a valid question." "He's back there at the pinball machine." "Oh, do you mind if I go over there and play with the baby?" "He's okay." "So, listen, Eric." "Me and Shawn are going to a movie." "You guys wanna come?" "Oh, definitely." "How about it, Kell?" "I've gotta get Ryan to bed, but you guys go ahead." "Eric, listen." "You do not wanna miss this one, okay?" "It's Jim Carrey and Steven Seagal starring in What Are You Doing In My Movie?" "Yeah, but it's all about priorities, Cor, and, frankly, mine are changing, so..." "If you don't mind, I'd like to come home with you and maybe read Ryan a story." "He'd like that." "If angle A has a sine of 30 degrees, what is the cosine of angle B?" "Oh..." "I... (MUTTERING)" "(GROANING)" "You did that just so we could be alone?" "Mmm, why would you say that?" "Oh, the ear thing." "Hey, you take those SATs six or seven times, you start losing that lovin' feeling." "You know what, Eric?" "Maybe the eighth time's a charm for you." "I mean, why don't you, you know, improve your scores, take the SATs again?" "You could go to college." "I mean, you are still thinking about college, right?" "Mmm, maybe I'll get around to it, but right now, I'm happy with my life." "I mean, I got a good job, good girl, good kid." "Yeah, my life is coming together." "Hey, Mom." "Hey, Dad." "How was your night?" "Okay, I'm gonna go now." "Your dad is scaring me." "No, no, no." "You don't have to go anywhere." "Everything is just fine." "Good night, Topanga." "Bye-bye." "I'm coming, too." "You, stay." "(STAMMERING) I thought you guys were going out." "(DOOR CLOSES)" "Oh, we did." "We got about three blocks," "(LAUGHING) and then the funniest thing happened, except it really wasn't that funny." "We ran out of gas." "Now, who had that car last?" "Good question, Amy." "I think I know the answer." "Could it be Cory?" "We got a little rule around this house, Cor." "I'm sure you know." "He who has the car last fills the tank with gas." "Yes, I know, sir, but I'm sorry, because I forgot." "Well, you're about three blocks too late for sorry." "No car for a week." "Do you know, he could have at least let me explain." "Why?" "What'd you have?" "Nothing." "I got nothing." "You know, Cor, I was once a son myself." "I'll go in there and try to straighten it out for you, okay?" "Thanks, Eric." "Great." "Oh, Dad, I can't believe the way Cory was laughing at you behind your back." "(HORN HONKS)" "Whoop, there's Kelly." "Better get going." "Whoa, wait a minute." "You guys have been going out for a while, and we still haven't met her." "You should invite her to come in." "Uh, you know, Mom, we're really in a hurry." "Kelly, hon, come on in!" "You know something?" "We're really in a rush." "What's the matter?" "Afraid I'll say something to embarrass you?" "Hi." "I'm Kelly." "Attaboy!" "Hi." "It's nice to meet you." "I'm Amy." "This is Alan." "Hello, Kelly." "Hi." "Oh, and this is Ryan." "He's my son." "Uh, did you hear that, Amy?" "They've got a son." "It's very nice to meet you, both of you." "So, can I get anyone a drink?" "A, uh..." "Juice box?" "Eric, why didn't you tell them?" "Um, it's easy." "Mom, Dad, Ryan." "Ryan, Mom, Dad." "Now that we've all met, laser tag." "Mr. and Mrs. Matthews, this is my son." "His name is Ryan." "He's six years old." "He's in the first grade, and he is the love of my life." "Did I hear laser tag?" "Can I come, too?" "Well, actually, honey, they're kind of on a date." "So?" "She's bringing her brother." "She's my mom." "Well, then I'll bring my mom." "Okay, whoever wants to come can come, but for the love of God, no more talking, okay?" "Well, it was very nice meeting you all, but we should get going." "But I hope to see you guys again." "It was very nice to meet you, Kelly, and you're welcome here anytime." "Sorry I thought your mom was your sister." "It's okay." "Happens all the time." "Come on, kid." "You know, Eric, why is Dad going so nuts on me about this whole car thing?" "You?" "He's been all over me about Kelly, and it's only been five dates." "It's not like I'm planning my big June wedding or anything." "Yeah." "You're wearing a tuxedo." "What are you saying?" "Eric, listen, why don't you take the SATs, okay?" "We could take them together, you know, help each other out." "Ah, my little Cory with your get-smart-quick schemes." "No, my friend, for me, the good ship S.S. SAT has sailed." "So that's it, huh?" "No college." "It's not like I'm ruining my life or anything." "I'll just move on to what I would've done after college." "Secret Service guy?" "You read my secret dossier?" "What?" "Good night, guys." "Cory." "Hope you understand why I took away your driving privileges." "Yes, Dad." "I completely understand." "So can I have the car tomorrow night?" "You're kidding, right?" "No." "It's been a couple days." "Why not?" "I mean, why can't I have the car tomorrow night?" "I said a week." "And I said I was sorry." "Am I not being clear?" "A week!" "Take off my tuxedo." "Oh, but I'm so cute." "You know, between the two of you guys, I got..." "Nothing." "You know, he is taking this Dad stuff way too seriously." "You know something, Cor," "I've learned something in all the time I've spent with Ryan." "The key to a successful father-son relationship is friendship, communication, and trust." "And occasionally, you throw in a Tootsie Roll." "So what do we do now?" "What do we do now?" "We sit now, buddy, if that's okay." "I think sitting's the only thing we haven't done all day." "Can we go to the zoo?" "Go to the zoo?" "We already went to the zoo." "Remember, I had to jump into the ocelot cage to get your Sixers hat from the game we went to?" "You were scared." "You ran fast." "Yeah, well, I thought the ocelot was part of the gerbil organization." "They were leopards." "Yeah, I know they're leopards, but you told me they were gerbils." "I did. (LAUGHS)" "Yeah." "That's funny, huh?" "(LAUGHING)" "And that is why we're sitting now, buddy." "I don't mind sitting." "You're gonna sit with me, right?" "Yeah, pal." "I'm gonna sit with you." "Hey, Eric." "Oh, hey, it's the baby!" "Aren't you adorable!" "You get a Tootsie Roll." "Oh, thanks." "Okay, Topanga." "Me and Cory against you, and you are going dow-how-hown!" "Oh, well, that's real fair." "Eric, you wanna be on my team?" "Topanga, I take my babysitting responsibilities pretty seriously." "One quick game." "Can I?" "You said you were gonna be with me." "Oh, I am gonna be with you, buddy." "I just wanna play one quick game with them." "Can I be on your team?" "Actually, you're still a little too short to see over the table there, pal." "You'd rather be with them?" "No." "It's just that I've been with you all day, buddy." "It's okay." "You can go play with them." "Hey, you are the coolest, buddy." "Tootsie, huh?" "CORY:" "Okay." "I'll break." "So, Eric, what'd you and your baby do today?" "Oh, we did just about everything there is to do in the world." "Cory, you have no idea how adult you look to me right now." "Can I have some ice cream, please?" "Ice cream?" "Sure, buddy." "Not a problem." "Here you go." "Thanks." "For everything." "(CHUCKLES) You're welcome, pal." "Eric, it's your shot." "My shot." "All right." "(GROANS)" "So, when are you guys actually taking your SATs?" "A week from Saturday." "(EXCLAIMS)" "I thought he knew." "Actually, I told him that there were no SATs, and that Saturday was just cake day at school, and perhaps some creme brulee." "BOTH:" "Mmm!" "Okay, why don't we do this?" "Why don't we do the 10-ball in whatever pocket it decides to go into, all right?" "Come on, Ryan!" "Come check this shot out, my friend." "Ry?" "Ryan?" "Where'd he go?" "The baby's gone?" "I yelled at him." "I can't believe I yelled at him." "Eric, it's fine." "He's in bed." "He's sleeping." "It's over." "I flipped out." "I found him sitting outside on the curb and..." "I started screaming at him." "I took my eye off him for one minute, one minute, and anything could've happened." "How do you do this every day?" "I do it because I love him and because he's my son." "Eric, you're the one with the choice here." "You know, I was with him all day." "I just wanted a minute to myself and he got so upset." "Yeah, but he's not upset at you." "He's upset at not having a full-time father every minute of every day, you know, to make up for what he lost." "He needs so much." "Yeah, he does." "Eric, you are gonna be such a great dad." "But when you're ready." "(SIGHS) Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean that you have to be a dad." "Kelly, I'm not looking to get out of this." "I know that, Eric." "But listen to me." "You still have so many options available to you in your life." "Take advantage of them." "Eric, you know I'm right." "You're dumping me." "No." "I just think that the fair thing would be to get out of this before anybody gets too attached." "I see." "I let you down." "No." "No, Eric." "The only way you could've let me down is if you had stuck around just to be a nice guy." "You wouldn't have been happy." "Neither would we." "Kelly," "I'm not looking to get out of this." "Well, you know where we live." "RYAN:" "Mommy, I need you!" "(SIGHS) I gotta go, Eric." "Bye." "MAN ON TV:" "The forecast, mostly sunny skies today, with brisk easterly winds, expect a high..." "(WHISPERING) Yes." "Hey, Mommy, Daddy, how you doing?" "Look at you two." "Watching TV." "Ooh, these eyes." "Be nice to look at something other than a book, don't you know?" "We know you took the car." "Uh, sorry, guys." "Listen, my friends needed a ride." "You weren't around." "It was late..." "I don't care." "I told you a week." "You took it anyway." "You just bought yourself two weeks." "Dad!" "My friends needed a ride, okay?" "It was late." "Why are you treating me like a kid?" "'Cause you are a kid." "Eric, this is none of your business, okay?" "You know something?" "You're right." "It's not, because I am not a dad." "But I do know he's got a tough time raising us, and I know that we don't make it any easier." "You think he likes yelling at us?" "You think he likes when you do something wrong?" "He doesn't." "He hates it." "And he can't keep his eye on us every second." "Now, go to your room!" "Dad, are you gonna let him just..." "Go to your room." "Well, maybe you are ready to be a dad." "Hmm." "She dumped me." "I'm gonna go upstairs and study for my SATs." "(DOOR OPENS)" "Hi." "How are you two this evening?" "Well, you're home a little late this evening." "Yes, we are." "Isn't that interesting?" "Cory, don't make a big deal of it." "No, no, no." "I just wanna know." "Who had the car last?" "Him." "Really?" "Mmm-hmm." "Dad did, don't you know?" "Cory, let it go." "No, no, no." "I just wanna know what happened to that house rule." "Um, you know, the one that goes," ""Whoever had the car last puts gas in the tank."" "Sorry, Cor." "I forgot." "Well, Alan, you're about seven blocks late for sorry." "Wait a minute." "Let me get this straight." "You're out with your girlfriend." "You legitimately run out of gas." "You push the car back seven blocks just to yell at me?" "No." "I just wanted to explain why we were home so late and to say thank you." "Cory!" "And thank you, too."