"[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]" "AND IT'S NOT SORE OR...?" "IT DOESN'T, LIKE, LEAK OR ANYTHING?" "NO." "NO." "OKAY." "OKAY, AND IS THIS 50" "MILLILITERS?" "THAT'S 50 MILLI" " SO, THAT'S HOW MUCH WILL BE IN " "OKAY, UH... [ SIGHS ]" "OKAY." "OKAY." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "MY NAME'S PATRICK MOOTE." "I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES, AND" "APPARENTLY I HAVE A SMALL PENIS." "I DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT WAS SMALL" "BECAUSE NO ONE HAD EVER TOLD ME" "THAT UNTIL I PROPOSED TO MY" "GIRLFRIEND AND SHE SAID NO BECAUSE OF IT." "YOU KNOW THOSE "KISS CAMS"" "THEY HAVE AT SPORTING EVENTS?" "YEAH, I'M SURE YOU'VE SEEN THEM." "WELL, THEY HAD ONE AT UCLA, AND" "YOU PROBABLY WILL CRINGE WATCHING THIS, BUT TAKE A GOOD" "LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS." "WHAT'S GOING ON?" "WAIT A MINUTE!" "THIS MIGHT BE A LITTLE MORE THAN A KISS." "[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]" "NO." "THIS -- [ CROWD MURMURING ]" "WHOO-HOO-HOO!" ""YES" IS THE ANSWER!" "YES!" "[ CROWD OHHs ]" "OH, MY GOD." "SHE WENT RUNNING!" "SOMETIMES WE GET A LITTLE CAMERA-SHY." "I UNDERSTAND." "IT HAPPENS." "OHH, PAINFUL." "CLEARLY NOT THE RESPONSE THAT HE WAS EXPECTING." "VIDEO OF A PROPOSAL GONE WRONG HIT YouTube ON MONDAY." "¶ HEY I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU SAID NO." "LIKE, THAT'S COLD-BLOODED." "I THINK SHE JUST WAS SO," "LIKE, SHOCKED AND EMBARRASSED." "THE GUY IS JUST LEFT THERE IN SHAME." "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" "!" "A REALLY EMBARRASSING MOMENT" "FOR A UCLA BASKETBALL FAN." "[ SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE ]" "YOU MUST FEEL LIKE A REAL ASS, MAN." "[ CROWD OHHs ]" "[ LAUGHTER ]" "AW!" "WHO DO YOU FEEL SORRY FOR HERE " " HER OR HIM?" "IT'S SO UGLY." "I MEAN, I FEEL BAD FOR BOTH" "OF THEM 'CAUSE SHE PROBABLY WAS" "SHOCKED AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN THE MOMENT." "I THINK IT GOES DEEPER THAN" "THAT, MUCH DEEPER THAN THAT." "I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT SIZE MATTERS THAT MUCH." "IN FACT, I DON'T THINK THAT SIZE MATTERS THAT MUCH." "I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU COULD SAY" "NO TO A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL BECAUSE OF..." "THAT." "I THINK THAT THE MEN OF THE" "WORLD DESERVE AN ANSWER TO THIS" "QUESTION, AND SO I'M GONNA FIND" "IT [BREATHES DEEPLY] WITH THIS COCK-UMENTARY." "¶ HEY HEY!" "OVER 50% OF THE WORLD'S MALE" "POPULATION FEELS INADEQUATELY HUNG." "THAT MEANS THAT ALMOST TWO" "BILLION MEN WORLDWIDE THINK THAT" "THEIR PENIS IS TOO SMALL." "PUT IT IN." "[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]" "IT IS IN." "BUT WITH SO MANY SIZE" "STATISTICS OUT THERE, WHERE DO I FIT IN?" "THE SCHOOL PUT THE SIZES OF" "ALL OUR PENISES UP ON A BIG" "CHART IN THE SCHOOL HALLWAY!" "OUR WHOLE LIVES, WE'VE BEEN" "FED THE IDEA THAT BIGGER IS BETTER." "SO, I'VE ASKED A COUPLE BUDDIES" "TO HELP ME MAKE A FILM TO ANSWER" "THE QUESTION, "AM I TOO SMALL?"" "[ GASPS ]" "[ Chuckling ] I'M REALLY SORRY." "I WAS IN THE POOL!" "I WAS IN THE POOL!" "I GOT TO GET OUT AND SEE WHAT" "REAL PEOPLE THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED." "WHEN I SAW THAT AND YOU TO" "GET DENIED LIKE THAT -- ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC " " IS" "ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS." "YEAH, I KNOW." "THAT'S HARD." "THAT'S SO EMBARRASSING, MAN." "SHE TOLD ME THAT ONE OF THE" "MAIN REASONS THAT SHE DIDN'T" "THINK THAT WE WERE RIGHT FOR" "EACH WAS BECAUSE MY PENIS WAS A" "LITTLE TOO SMALL FOR HER." "I THINK THAT SEX IS A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF A" "RELATIONSHIP." "LIKE, IF YOU'RE WILLING TO COMMITMENT YOURSELF TO ONE" "PERSON, LIKE, THEY BETTER BE ABLE TO MAKE YOU COME." "[ LAUGHTER ]" "HOW IT FEELS " " IF IT'S" "TINY " " YOU KNOW, AT TIMES, IF" "IT'S TINY, YOU CAN'T FEEL IT TOO MUCH." "IF IT'S BIGGER, YOU LIKE FEEL IT, YOU KNOW?" "YOU GUYS COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR " " OH, YEAH." "OH, YEAH." "VERY MUCH?" "HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SITUATION" "WHERE MAYBE YOU'RE TOO BIG?" "YES." "REALLY?" "WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?" "IT SUCKED 'CAUSE SHE CRIED." "SHE CRIED?" "YEAH." "OH, HONEY, PLEASE." "IT'S NOT THE OCEAN IN THE MOTION." "IT'S ABOUT HOW YOU WORK IT." "OKAY." "AND LOOK AT YOUR LIPS." "COME ON." "OH, PLEASE!" "HELLO?" "PRETTY." "I KNOW." "WHO WOULD NOT DO THIS?" "IF I WEREN'T MARRIED, I WOULD DO HIM." "COULD YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHO" "HAD, LIKE, NO PENIS AT ALL?" "YOU MEAN LIKE A VAGINA?" "WELL -- [ CHUCKLES ]" "THERE'S SOME PILLS, I THINK..." "REALLY?" "...THAT HELPS IT GROW." "IT'S CALLED, LIKE -- [ LAUGHS ]" "WHAT'S THEM PILLS CALLED?" "[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]" "YEAH." "WHAT'S IT CALLED?" "EXTENZE." "OKAY." "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH." "I THINK I'VE HEARD OF THAT." "YEAH." "IT COULD HELP YOU." "YOU SHOULD TRY IT." "I'M HEADING HOME TO SEATTLE" "TO SEE WHAT MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY THINK." "YOU KNOW, I JUST GO TALK TO SOME" "OF THEM AND TELL THEM WHAT HAPPENED AND, YOU KNOW, JUST" "PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT THIS ISN'T A PROBLEM." "I GREW UP ON WHIDBEY ISLAND, POPULATION 58,000." "I WAS RAISED ON A SMALL FARM" "ALONG WITH MY BROTHER, BRIAN, AND MY LOVING PARENTS." "THEN MY BROTHER AND I RAN OFF TO" "L.A. TO BECOME COMEDIANS, BUT" "I'M MORE THE SERIOUS ACTOR." "DARREN!" "SORRY, BRO." "THIS IS MY HOME." "LET'S SEE IF MOM'S HERE." "[ DOG BARKING ]" "HELLO?" "HEY, QUIET." "QUIET, YOU GUYS." "PATTY." "HI, MOM." "HOW ARE YOU?" "GOOD." "HOW ARE YOU?" "I'M GOOD." "GOOD TO SEE YOU." "GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO." "I THINK THAT'S MY SWEATSHIRT." "IT IS." "YOU SHRUNK IT." "NOW IT'S MINE." "NOW IT'S HERS." "THIS IS EVERYBODY." "HI, EVERYBODY." "OKAY, YOU CAN GRAB HAY AND THROW IT IN THE BACK." "THAT'S LEXIE." "LEXIE." "OH, EASY NOW!" "WHOA, LOOK AT HOW BIG ITS MOUTH OPENED." "AH!" "SO, THIS PROPOSAL " " MM-HMM." "IT WAS FILMED?" "UH-OH." "AND IT DID END UP ON THE INTERNET." "OH." "SHE WASN'T SUPER THRILLED ABOUT IT." "WELL, I WOULD ASK WHAT SHE" "SAID, BUT I PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW." "SHE SAID THAT " " OH, GOD," "THIS IS SO WEIRD " " UM, THAT MY PENIS IS TOO SMALL." "AH!" "SHE SAID THAT TO YOU?" "YEAH." "OHH." "OUCH." "SHE'S OBVIOUSLY NOT WHO YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS." "RIGHT." "NOT WHO I THOUGHT SHE WAS." "YOU KNOW, I REALLY CARED ABOUT HER." "MM." "OH, SWEETIE, THERE'S PLENTY OF" "PEOPLE OUT " " THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE..." "YEAH." "...THAT ISN'T GOING TO RUN YOU DOWN LIKE THIS." "THAT'S JUST " " THAT'S -- [ SIGHS ] I'M SORRY, SWEETIE." "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?" "I DON'T KNOW, LIKE YEARBOOKS OR..." "OH, THEY'RE IN THIS BOX." "ARE THEY?" "YEAH." "AH!" "NICE." "RIGHT NEXT TO THE JOSE CANSECO DREAM TEAM CARD." "THE JOSE CANSECO DREAM " " LOOK AT THAT." "THAT'S A HOT CANSECO." "YEAH, IT IS." "HERE ARE THE YEARBOOKS." "SO FULL OF OPTIMISM." "HADN'T DISCOVERED YET THAT MY PENIS WAS SMALL." "AND CONFIDENCE." "LOOK AT THAT FACE." "WOW." "PROM 2002." "THESE ARE ALL NOTES FROM MY EX-GIRLFRIEND." "I WONDER IF ANY OF THEM SAYS" "ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR WIENER SIZE." "LET'S READ ONE." ""I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I AM" "SO SORRY FOR THE WAY THAT I" "OVERREACTED, AND I'M SORRY FOR" "HURTING YOU WHEN I WALKED DOWN THE ROAD WITH DEREK." "I WAS BEING A BAD GIRLFRIEND." "I'M SORRY A THOUSAND TIMES."" "I THINK YOU NEED TO REALIZE" "THAT IT WAS JUST THIS CHICK." "RIGHT." "AND SHE JUST KNEW THAT IT" "WOULD HURT YOU, AND SHE WANTED" "TO " " GIRLS DO THAT, MAN." "THEY'RE MEAN." "I " " YEAH." "AND DON'T JUST GET WRAPPED UP IN IT..." "I GET WHAT YOU'RE SAYING." "...'CAUSE YOU CAN LET THIS" "KIND OF STUFF MAKE YOU CRAZY." "LIKE, SURE, MAYBE I'M" "REALIZING THAT IT HIT A SOFT SPOT BECAUSE, YES " "BECAUSE YOUR LITTLE, FLACCID PENIS WAS A SOFT SPOT?" "YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE." "I'M JOKING." "SORRY." "RIGHT." "SQUARED IT UP OVER YOUR RIGHT" "FOOT, STRAIGHT UP, FOLLOW THROUGH." "OH, MY GOD, THAT LOOKED LIKE CHARLES BARKLEY." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "THERE WERE SEVERAL REASONS WHY" "SHE THOUGHT WE SHOULDN'T GET" "MARRIED, BUT ONE OF THEM WAS " "SHE SAID THAT MY, UH " " SHE SAID" "THAT MY PENIS IS TOO SMALL FOR HER." "[ Chuckling ] SHE SAID THAT?" "YEAH." "[ CHUCKLES ] UH..." "DOES THAT HAVE ANY BEARING ON HEREDITY?" "I DON'T KNOW." "DOES IT?" "[ LAUGHS ]" "WELL, I GOT TO TELL YOU I'M A SMALL HANGER." "RIGHT." "I PROBABLY WAS A LITTLE BIT" "AMISS IN NOT TALKING IN MORE" "DETAIL WITH YOU ABOUT ALL THESE" "THINGS WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP." "IT WAS A RATHER EMBARRASSING TOPIC TO TALK ABOUT." "IT STILL IS." "THERE'S A LOT OF SIMILARITIES GOING ON HERE, I KNOW." "I SEE." "BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT " " WHEN" "THE TIME COMES, I'M JUST SHOCKED" "AT HOW ADEQUATE I DO BECOME." "WE'RE AT MY BUDDY AUBREY'S" "HOUSE, HAVING A LITTLE BARBECUE." "GOT SOME FRIENDS FROM OLD SCHOOL HANGING OUT." "SO, I SET UP A CAMERA WHERE PEOPLE CAN TALK ABOUT ME," "CANDIDLY, YOU KNOW, WHAT THEY" "REMEMBER ABOUT ME FROM HIGH" "SCHOOL, ANY STORIES THAT THEY HAVE, ANYTHING FUNNY." "I WANTED TO SET THIS UP, THOUGH," "SO THAT PEOPLE FELT A LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE." "I DON'T KNOW IF PEOPLE ARE GONNA" "BE AS HONEST TO MY FACE." "PATRICK AND I HAD A " " HIS" "FIRST EXPERIENCE IN THE BEDROOM." "I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH." "I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST MAKING" "OUT, BUT APPARENTLY I TOOK HIS VIRGINITY." "[ LAUGHS ]" "SO..." "OUR BUDDY ASKED ONE OF PAT'S" "EX-GIRLFRIEND'S, YOU KNOW, "HOW BIG IS PAT?"" "YOU KNOW?" ""IS PAT SMALL IN THE PANTS?" "HOW BIG IS IT?" "HOW BIG IS IT?"" "YOU KNOW, PUTTING-UP-HIS-HANDS KIND OF THING." "AND SHE RAISED UP ONE HAND AND" "THEN CLOSED IT DOWN AND WENT LIKE THIS." "AND WE ALL DIED." "HE DEFINITELY CAN TALK A GOOD GAME." "I THINK HE USES HIS COMEDY TO" "COVER UP HIS INSECURITIES." "AND SO JASON SHIRE CAME UP" "WITH THE TERM OF "PICKLE DICK."" ""PATTY PICKLE DICK."" ""PATTY WHACK PICKLE DICK."" "AND IT JUST KIND OF STUCK WITH" "HIM, AND IT GOT UNDER HIS SKIN REALLY, REALLY BAD." ""WHAT'S UP, PICKLE?"" "AND HE'D LIKE GIVE ME THIS LIKE GLARE OR WHATEVER." "AND I WAS KIND OF LIKE, "FUCK YOU," YOU KNOW?" "LIKE, "IT'S YOUR NICKNAME."" "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" "EVER SINCE THIS, LIKE, IT'S" "NEVER " " YOU KNOW, IT'S NEVER" "LEFT ME, THE FACT THAT, YOU" "KNOW, I'VE HEARD ABOUT..." "WHAT?" "YOU MIGHT BE A LITTLE SMALL." "SHUT THE FUCK UP." "WHATEVER." "I'M JUST SAYING." "I WASN'T SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT." "UH..." "OKAY." "AT 10, 11, YOU WERE WHAT WE" "WOULD SAY IS A LITTLE BIT ABOVE AVERAGE HEIGHT." "BY THE TIME YOU WERE 13 AND 14," "YOU WERE AVERAGE HEIGHT, AND THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT." "YOU WOULD BE A GUY WHO WAS MAYBE" "A LITTLE BIT MORE LATE THAN" "AVERAGE TO START GOING THROUGH PUBERTY." "MY SITUATION OCCURRED, AND I" "BECAME VERY INSECURE ABOUT MY" "BODY AND BECAME VERY KIND OF INTERESTED IN WHERE THESE" "INSECURITIES COME FROM IN MEN." "WHEN I WAS A KID AND YOU HAD" "A P.E. CLASS, 40, 50 GUYS," "THEY'D GO INTO THE LOCKER ROOM," "EVERYBODY GETS NAKED, YOU PUT ON" "YOUR JOCKSTRAP AND YOUR SHORTS" "AND YOUR T-SHIRT, AND YOU GO OUT AND DO P.E. CLASS." "THEN WHEN YOU'RE DONE, YOU COME" "BACK, YOU TAKE ALL THAT STUFF" "OFF, YOU TAKE A SHOWER, PUT YOUR" "CLOTHES ON, YOU GO BACK TO CLASS." "NOW " " UNH-UNH." "A LOT OF KIDS DO NOT SEE A LOT OF OTHER NAKED PEOPLE." "I NEVER DID." "I WOULD NEVER GET NAKED IN GYM CLASS." "YEAH." "THE GUYS IN FOOTBALL AND THAT" "KIND OF STUFF " " THEY'D EITHER" "SHOWER IN THEIR SHORTS, OR THEY'D GO HOME AND SHOWER." "I WOULD GO HOME AND SHOWER." "AND GUYS MY AGE JUST GO, "WHAT?"" "WHAT EFFECT DO YOU THINK THAT" "NOT HAVING THAT EXPERIENCE AS A" "YOUNG PERSON NOWADAYS HAS ON THEM?" "I THINK PEOPLE WORRY MORE, ACTUALLY, I WOULD GUESS." "AND CERTAINLY IF YOU HAD HALF A" "DOZEN WOMEN SAY SOMETHING TO YOU" "AND THIS IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO" "YOU, YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA GO" "AFTER THE PENIS ENLARGERS." "SO, I THINK THE EASIEST WAY TO" "GO ABOUT THIS TO KEEP THINGS" "STRAIGHT " " BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE" "DISORGANIZED AT TIMES " " IS TO" "PUT EVERYTHING UP ON MY BULLETIN BOARD." "EX-LADIES " " GIRLS THAT I'VE" "DATED, PEOPLE THAT WOULD KNOW." "[ SIGHS ]" "ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT." "[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]" "HEY." "UM..." "DO YOU -- DO YOU HAVE A SECOND?" "RIGHT NOW?" "YEAH, RIGHT NOW." "ALL RIGHT." "DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH?" "I MEAN, YEAH, I WOULD LIKE THE TRUTH." "YEAH, IT COULD BE BIGGER." "I MEAN, YEAH." "I COULD BE BIGGER?" "THREE...?" "LIKE A THREE?" "COME ON." "ALL RIGHT, WELL, SHE'S OBVIOUSLY" "PISSED AT ME OR SOMETHING 'CAUSE" "SCALE OF ONE TO 10 " " A THREE?" "THAT'S RIDICULOUS." "DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT MY MAYBE, LIKE, SIZE," "IN PARTICULAR, LIKE...?" "WHAT?" "!" "IF I WANT A REAL ANSWER, I" "NEED A PROFESSIONAL OPINION." "NO MORE ANGRY GIRLFRIENDS." "THIS IS THE OFFICE OF DR. JENNIFER BERMAN." "SHE'S ACTUALLY A REALLY FAMOUS UROLOGIST." "IF EVER THERE WAS A PERSON WHO" "COULD TELL ME KIND OF WHERE I" "FIT, IN TERMS OF SIZE, SHE'S THE ONE." "THE AVERAGE PENILE SIZE IS" "ANYWHERE BETWEEN 4" AND 6", ON STRETCH." "MM-HMM." "THAT'S NORMAL." "THE OTHER THING THAT MEN ARE" "CONCERNED ABOUT IS GIRTH, IS WIDTH." "WAS THAT SOMETHING THAT SHE TALKED ABOUT OR...?" "WE REALLY DIDN'T GET INTO THE SPECIFICS." "'CAUSE IT COULD BE THAT SHE" "COULDN'T COME UP WITH ANYTHING BETTER TO SAY." "SHE MAY NOT HAVE REALIZED THAT" "THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING YOU" "COULD PROBABLY SAY IS THAT." "YEAH, THAT WAS PRETTY BAD." "SO, I'LL EXAMINE YOU, AND" "EITHER WAY, YOU NEED TO GET BACK ON THE HORSE." "THE MORE YOU OBSESS, THE MORE YOU FOCUS, THE MORE YOU" "RUMINATE, YOU KNOW, THE NEXT" "THING THAT'S GONNA BE HAPPENING" "IS THAT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TROUBLE GETTING AN ERECTION." "SO, LET'S EXAMINE." "I'LL BRING YOU BACK HERE." "HANG ON ONE SEC." "SO, YOU GUYS AREN'T GONNA BE IN" "HERE WHEN THIS HAPPENS, ARE YOU?" "NOPE." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "YOU'RE NOT GONNA LAUGH OR ANYTHING?" "[ CHUCKLES ]" "NO, I'M LAUGHING AT THEM IN" "HERE, LIKE, GROOVING ON THIS." "OKAY, SO, GUYS, WE'RE GONNA HAVE" "YOU GO OUT, AND THEN I'LL EXAMINE YOU, OKAY?" "COOL." "OKAY, SO, GO AHEAD AND " "WE CAN DO IT " " I MEAN, HOW" "SHOULD " " WHAT'S EASIEST?" "STANDING, MAYBE?" "YEAH." "[ UNZIPPING ]" "[ CLEARS THROAT ]" "I MEAN, IT'S BASICALLY OFFICIAL." "AS DR. BERMAN PUT IT, I AM THE" "MALE EQUIVALENT OF A GIRL WITH AN "A" CUP." "COME HERE." "JUMP." "GOOD BOY." "WHAT DO YOU THINK BOSS THINKS?" "DOES BOSS FEEL YOUR PAIN?" "HE FEELS IT." "HE KNOWS." "HE'S GOT A TINY DICK, TOO." "I'VE SEEN IT." "PATHETIC." "AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THERE'S" "ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO, AND THAT IS..." "FIX IT." "MOST MEN WISH THEY COULD HAVE A BIGGER PENIS." "BUT UNTIL RECENTLY, THERE WAS" "LITTLE A MAN COULD DO TO IMPROVE" "ON WHAT NATURE HAD GIVEN HIM." "I SAY GO LONG WITH EXTENZE!" "AND WE SPEND ALMOST $5 BILLION A YEAR ON" "PENIS-ENHANCEMENT PRODUCTS." "THAT'S MORE THAN THE ENTIRE BUDGET FOR THE RED CROSS." "ONE OF THESE HAS TO WORK FOR ME." "SO, WE'RE HEADED DOWN TO SAN DIEGO, TO MEET DR. KAPLAN," "THE KING OF THE PENIS PUMPS." "THE LADIES WANT THE GUYS TO" "HAVE A BIG PENIS, GUYS WANT TO" "HAVE A BIG PENIS, AND THE GAY" "GUYS WANT TO HAVE BIG PENISES." "EVERYBODY WANTS TO HAVE A BIG PENIS." "THIS IS THE HOME OFFICE." "WOW." "THERE'S ALL THE PUMPS WE HAVE HERE." "BUT WITH A PUMP, YOU'RE BRINGING" "BLOOD FLOW INTO THE PENIS." "THE CAPILLARIES EXPAND AND" "DILATE, BREAK DOWN AND REBUILD LIKE BODYBUILDING." "MM-HMM." "THE MUSCLE TISSUE DOES" "EXPAND, AND YOU DO GET BIGGER PERMANENTLY." "YOU TRY TO GET YOUR PENIS AS ERECT AS POSSIBLE." "PUT IT OVER THERE." "MM-HMM." "AND THEN YOUR PENIS WILL GET" "HARD, AND THEN YOU PUMP UP." "AND AS YOUR PENIS GETS HARD " "AND THIS IS THE HAND PUMP." "YOU WANT THE PENIS TO LOOK" "NATURAL AND CREATE AN ERECTION," "WHICH IS SLIGHTLY LARGER THAN YOUR NATURAL ERECTION." "HOLD YOUR HAND OUT, AND WE'LL" "SHOW YOU HOW WE CAN GET A NICE SUCTION HERE." "LET'S TURN THIS WAY HERE." "YEAH, LET GO OF THIS HAND, AND I THINK " " YEP." "WHOA." "SCIENCE." "YEAH." "YEAH, IT'S HOLDING A SUCTION." "NOW, LISTEN." "LISTEN." "I'M GONNA PULL THIS OFF, AND YOU'LL HEAR IT." "[ PUMP POPS ]" "[ CHUCKLES ]" "IT'S A PRETTY LARGE SNAP HERE." "WOMEN WITH INVERTED NIPPLES OR" "EVEN SOME OF THE BODYBUILDERS" "TYPICALLY " " SOMETIMES EVEN GAY" "MEN " " TYPICALLY LIKE NIPPLE CYLINDERS." "THESE ARE FOR " " I WAS" "LOOKING AT THOSE, LIKE, "THAT IS" "FOR THE TINIEST PENIS IN THE WORLD."" "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO." "OH." "YEAH, I DON'T THINK." "THAT WOULD BE CLOSE TO THE" "TINIEST PENIS IN THE WORLD." "BABY PENIS." "I DON'T KNOW." "WE'RE GOING TO TURN ON THE ELECTRIC PUMP..." "OKAY." "...SEE IF WE GET GET A NICE SUCTION IN HERE." "GONNA PUT IT UP TO THE MAXIMUM." "UM..." "MY KEY'S IN." "ALL RIGHT." "THEN WE'LL PUT THESE ON THE NIPPLES." "THERE WE GO!" "OH, MY " " GAH!" "OH, MY GOD!" "AH!" "WOMEN WITH SMALL NIPPLES, A" "LOT OF THE BODYBUILDERS WHO WORK" "THEIR CHEST " " THEY WANT THEIR NIPPLES TO STICK OUT." "IT SHOULD FEEL GOOD." "ARE YOU?" "FEELS OKAY." "YEAH." "SQUEEZE A LITTLE JUICE OUT THERE." "YEAH, WHAT'S WITH THE JUICE?" "I DON'T KNOW." "[ LAUGHS ]" "ACTUALLY, THAT'S VERY COMMON." "OKAY, GOOD." "ALL RIGHT, THERE WE GO." "NO PROBLEM." "[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]" "YOU'LL LIVE." "YEAH." "NO." "IT'S OKAY." "I'VE NEVER SEEN MY NIPPLES BALLOON LIKE THAT BEFORE." "WELL, YOU'LL BE AMAZED WHEN" "YOU PUT THE CYLINDER ON YOUR PENIS." "IT'S GONNA BE -- I CAN IMAGINE." "B-BOOM!" "ALL RIGHT, LET'S..." "THERE WE GO." "STOCKROOM." "HI." "HOW ARE YOU?" "[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]" "ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TOYS" "OR...?" "DO YOU GUYS HAVE, LIKE, ENHANCEMENT KIND OF STUFF?" "YEAH." "UM, LIKE, FOR YOUR PENIS?" "YES." "WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND, LET'S JUST " "YEAH, YEAH, SURE." "THERE'S SOME STUFF UP HERE..." "TEACH ME." "...THAT MIGHT WORK." "[ LAUGHS ]" "WHOA." "SO, OKAY, I GUESS WHAT I" "WOULD SAY, JUST AS FAR AS, LIKE," "MAKING YOUR PENIS LOOK BIGGER" "AND A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW, HARDER, LONGER..." "RIGHT." "...COCK RINGS CAN BE REALLY AWESOME FOR THAT." "IS THAT " " THIS IS A COCK RING?" "YEAH, THESE ARE THE NEOPRENE" "ONES, WHICH IS KIND OF RAD BECAUSE THEY STRETCH." "SO, IF YOU'VE NEVER USED IT BEFORE " " MM-HMM." "HAVE YOU EVER USED IT BEFORE?" "NO, NO, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT THEY HAD THOSE." "SO, THESE ARE THE PUMPS, AND" "BASICALLY, YOU KNOW, YOUR PENIS GOES IN HERE." "RIGHT." "AND THIS IS THE AIR TUBE AND" "THE VALVE THAT BASICALLY PUMPS IT." "OKAY." "WHAT ABOUT LIKE PILLS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?" "DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THOSE OR...?" "I MEAN, I KNOW THAT WE HAVE THEM." "I JUST " " I JUST KIND OF BEGAN WORKING HERE." "OKAY." "SO, THIS IS MY -- YOU'RE NOT LIKE A "SEXPERT"" "OR ANYTHING?" "NO." "OKAY." "YEAH, THIS LOOKS LIKE A GOOD START." "I'VE GOT MATERIAL." "COOL." "RAD." "I HAVE SOME MONEY HERE SOMEWHERE." "HI." "HI." "ARE YOU WITH THESE GUYS?" "WITH " " NO, HUH-UNH." "I DON'T KNOW WHO THOSE GUYS ARE." "WHAT'S THAT?" "IT'S NOTHING." "THAT'S A FUCKING CAMERA." "NO, IT'S NOT." "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE." "OKAY, I'M GOING." "I'M LEAVING." "I'M LEAVING." "[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]" "WELL, I CAN TELL YOU A LITTLE" "BIT OF WHY I WROTE MY BOOK." "MM-HMM." "I'M A TALL GUY." "RIGHT." "I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED," "BUT I'M A BLACK GUY, AS WELL." "YEAH, THAT WAS SOMETHING I NOTICED." "SO, THERE ARE CERTAIN" "STEREOTYPES ABOUT BOTH TALL GUYS AND BLACK GUYS." "MM-HMM." "AND GROWING UP -- 'CAUSE I AM" "WHO I AM " " I ALWAYS THOUGHT" "THAT I WAS ON THE SMALL SIDE." "MM-HMM." "I MEAN, I'M JUST BASICALLY" "TRYING TO FIND A TECHNIQUE" "THAT " " SOMETHING THAT'LL WORK." "WELL, I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT JELQING." "OKAY." "IT'S BASED ON THE PREMISE" "THAT YOU WILL CREATE MICRO-TEARS" "IN THE INSIDE OF YOUR PENIS..." "MM-HMM." "...SORT OF LIKE YOU DO WITH" "MUSCLES WHEN YOU WORK OUT." "YOU TEAR THE INSIDE OF YOUR" "MUSCLES, AND THEY GROW BACK BIGGER AND STRONGER." "SO, CHOOSE A BALLOON THAT BEST REPRESENTS YOUR SIZE." "MNH." "I'M JUST KIDDING." "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SMALLER ONES, DO YOU?" "[ CHUCKLES ]" "AND THEN WHAT YOU DO IS YOU" "CREATE A TIGHT HOLD ON IT." "MM-HMM." "AND THEN YOU SLIDE IT DOWN" "THE EDGE, FORCING THE BLOOD INTO" "THE TOP OF THE HEAD AND THEN THROUGH." "FOR THE FIRST FIVE DAYS, YOU DO IT 40 TIMES." "AND EVERY FIVE DAYS, YOU" "BASICALLY ADD ANOTHER 40..." "OKAY." "...UP UNTIL YOU GET TO 200." "OKAY." "AFTER NINE DAYS, I INCREASED BY HALF AN INCH." "WOW." "YEAH, AND THEN " " NOT UNTIL" "AFTER THREE MONTHS DID I GET UP TO A FULL 1 3/4"." "MM-HMM." "YOU KNOW, BEFORE I HAD A" "PENIS ENLARGEMENT, I WAS INSECURE." "MM-HMM." "I WAS HESITANT TO TAKE OFF MY" "PANTS IN FRONT OF A WOMAN." "MM-HMM." "NOW I AM NOT." "SO, MY DAILY ROUTINE IS" "PUMPING AND PILLS IN THE MORNING AND JELQING AT NIGHT." "¶ OH, YEAH THE PENIS IS JUST LIKE A MUSCLE." "IF I WORK IT OUT EVERY DAYS, THE" "CELLS WILL BREAK DOWN AND GROW TO A LARGER SIZE." "LAST OF THIS PACK." "PLENTY MORE TO GO." "AH." "EVERY DAY, I MEASURE MY PENIS" "LENGTH, AND AFTER THE 15th DAY," "MY PENIS IS ALREADY AN 1/8"" "LONGER." "THE INITIAL RESULTS ARE PROMISING, BUT I CAN'T JUST SIT" "AROUND, WAITING FOR THE PAYOFF." "I NEED SOME REAL PROFESSIONAL ADVICE ABOUT PENIS SIZE." "[ Rapping ] SIZE DON'T MATTER." "I PUT MY SIZE ON A PLATTER." "AND I CAN SHUT THAT UP, PUT A" "DICK IN HER MOUTH, NO CHATTER." "BE QUIET." "I'M COMING TO START A RIOT." "I WANT TO FUCK YOUR GIRL." "YEAH, I GOT TO TRY IT, FREESTYLE, OFF THE TOP." "YOU CAN'T FUCK WITH ME." "ALL DAY, SIZE DON'T MATTER." "COME FUCK WITH ME." "I PROPOSED TO A GIRL THAT I WAS DATING." "SHE SAID THAT SHE COULDN'T MARRY" "ME BECAUSE SHE SAID MY PENIS WAS, LIKE..." "TOO SMALL?" "A LITTLE BIT." "OUCH!" "RIGHT." "OUCH." "IT'S NOT, LIKE, BROKEN SMALL." "IT'S LIKE " " I MEAN, IS IT BIGGER THAN" "YOUR FINGERS?" "YEAH!" "THAT'S A STEP IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION, RIGHT?" "[ Chuckling ] AS LONG AS IT'S BIGGER THAN YOUR FINGERS." "RIGHT." "WHOO!" "IT'S A ROWDY COCK." "WHEN ANYBODY SAYS THAT SIZE" "DOESN'T MATTER, THAT'S GUY WITH" "SMALL DICKS THAT SAY THAT." "ALWAYS FOCUS ON THE CLIT." "FOCUS ON THE CLIT?" "ALWAYS FOCUS ON THE CLIT." "LIKE, I'M SO USED TO GIVING," "LIKE, A NICE RHYTHM, THAT WHEN" "THERE'S NOT ENOUGH LENGTH TO DO" "THAT, MY RHYTHM IS OFF BIG TIME." "[ LAUGHS ]" "IF YOU NEED TO COMPENSATE FOR" "HAVING A SMALLER COCK, THE GIRL" "LAYS DOWN ON THE BED, KIND OF IN" "MISSIONARY, BUT LIKE THIS, TO THE SIDE." "AND THE GUY " " YOU'RE LIKE" "FUCKING MISSIONARY -- IT'S LIKE SIDEWAYS." "THAT'S A GOOD ONE." "WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A GUY LIKE ME?" "I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST" "EXPERIMENT AND RESEARCH ALL THE" "DIFFERENT TYPES OF FETISHES THAT ARE AVAILABLE." "I HAVE A FOOT FETISH, AND I LIKE" "GETTING FUCKED BY FEET." "SO, IF YOU REALLY LIKE SOMETHING" "BIG, PUT A FOOT INSIDE OF YOUR" "VAGINA AND SEE WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE." "THE CAMERA HAS ONLY SO MUCH" "SPACE IN WHICH WE CAN SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING." "IF I GOT A GUY WHO'S NOT, YOU" "KNOW, ABOVE AVERAGE, THEN IT'S" "DIFFICULT FOR US TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE." "WELL, IT DEPENDS ON THE VAGINA, TOO." "EVEN THOUGH MY VAGINA IS REALLY SMALL, IT'S ALSO VERY" "STRETCHABLE, TO WHERE IT DOESN'T HURT ME." "YOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE" "A HOT DOG DOWN A HALLWAY." "RIGHT, RIGHT." "BUT, FOR EXAMPLE, TO STIMULATE A WOMAN'S G-SPOT, YOU" "ARE AT AN ADVANTAGE IF YOUR PENIS IS SMALL BECAUSE THE" "G-SPOT IS ABOUT, YOU KNOW, LIKE 2 1/2" INSIDE A WOMAN'S VAGINA." "SO, A LONG PENIS WILL GO RIGHT PAST IT." "THE ADVANTAGE OF BEING LONG IS YOU CAN PUT IN LESS." "NOW, IF YOU'RE THICK, YOU'RE STUCK, YOU KNOW?" "YOU CAN'T TELL A GIRL, "I'LL MAKE IT THINNER FOR YOU." "DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE A GIANT DICK?" "A GOOD TONGUE IS MORE IMPORTANT." "WHAT CHICK?" "DO YOU HAVE A...?" "RIGHT HERE." "AN EXTRA ONE OF THESE?" "OH, MY GOD." "DO YOU, UH " " DO YOU REMEMBER ME, FROM YOUR " "YEAH, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT" "SUPPOSED TO TAKE PICTURES IN" "THERE, AND THEN YOU'RE TALKING" "TO ME ABOUT " " WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING?" "THAT GOT ME IN A LOT OF TROUBLE." "WE'RE MAKING A DOCUMENTARY" "ABOUT SIZE, AND I'M SORRY THAT" "YOU GOT IN TROUBLE FOR THAT." "I REALLY AM." "I MEAN, HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS GOOD?" "HOW CAN WE MAKE THE CAMERAS" "WORK IN YOUR FAVOR INSTEAD OF " " PUT THIS ON." "THE DRESS?" "LET EVERYBODY KNOW." "IF IT WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY" "AND BE ABLE TO BURY THE HATCHET" "HERE, I WILL WEAR THAT DRESS." "I SWEAR TO GOD." "I'LL PUT MY HAIR UP LIKE YOURS," "I'LL GRAB THESE, AND I WILL WALK" "AROUND IN THOSE HEELS, WHICH IS" "DANGEROUS 'CAUSE I HAVE VERY WEAK ANKLES." "SERIOUSLY." "YOU KNOW, I'D FEEL BAD IF..." "ALL RIGHT." "IT'S OKAY." "OKAY." "THANKS FOR APOLOGIZING." "IT TURNS OUT HER NAME IS KASSIA." "SHE'S GOT A ROCK BAND, AND SHE'S" "ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL, WHEN" "YOU'RE NOT ALMOST GETTING HER FIRED." "BUT AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE THIS" "MOVIE TO BE ABOUT HER, RIGHT NOW" "I NEED TO STAY FOCUSED ON MY PENIS." "¶ HEY, HEY, HEY" "¶ HEY, HEY" "THE PORN STARTS TAUGHT ME I" "HAVE A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT SEX," "AND SAN FRANCISCO IS THE MOST" "SEXUALLY LIBERATED CITY IN AMERICA." "I NEED TO GO TO A PLACE LIKE THAT." "I THINK THIS WILL BE GOOD, MAN." "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" "THIS IS RIDICULOUS." "I LOOK LIKE A BIG, DUMB IDIOT." "PEOPLE AREN'T GONNA TAKE ME SERIOUSLY." "I'M A GIANT HOT DOG WEARING A" "SIGN THAT SAYS "WIENER TALK?"" "DO YOU THINK THAT SIZE MATTERS TO WOMEN?" "YEAH, YOU GOT TO HAVE SOME GIRTH." "YOU GOT TO HAVE SOME GIRTH." "YOU GOT TO HAVE SOME GIRTH." "IF YOU GO TOO LONG " " THE CERVIX" "IS ONLY SO LONG " " YOU KNOW, YOU'RE DEEP, 8", POW, POW." "THEY SAY, "OW." IT'S OVER WITH." "DO YOU LIKE REALLY BIG " " BIASED OPINION." "WOULD YOU BREAK UP WITH A GUY" "IF HIS PENIS WAS TOO SMALL?" "YEP." "HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SITUATION" "WITH A GIRL WHERE YOU WERE EITHER TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL?" "I WAS TOO DRUNK ONCE " " WELL," "ACTUALLY, A LOT OF TIMES." "AH!" "[ CHUCKLES ]" "WHOO!" "TELL ME WHEN TO STOP, WHEN" "YOU THINK I'M AT WHAT'S AVERAGE." "THAT'S " " THAT'S AVERAGE." "THAT'S AVERAGE?" "7 1/4"." "DO YOU FEEL BETTER NAKED?" "OH, YEAH, EVERYONE DOES." "REALLY?" "YEAH." "WHAT IF I'M LIKE A LITTLE" "SMALL, SO I FEEL A LITTLE INSECURE?" "NO, NO, NO, EVERYONE SHOULD BE NAKED." "IS IT A DEALBREAKER?" "LIKE, IF YOU WERE WITH A GUY WHO " " NO." "WAS TOO SMALL?" "NO, BUT I DO LIKE A LARGE WIENER." "YOU DO?" "WELL, THEN, LOOKS LIKE WE'RE A PERFECT COUPLE." "I LIKE A BIG..." "IF A GUY SAID THAT THERE WAS" "SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU, WOULD" "YOU CHANGE THAT TO BE WITH HIM?" "NO." "I WOULD SAY, "FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!" "I HAVE MY FUCKING BACHELOR'S DEGREE!" "I SUPPORT YOUR FUCKING ASS!" "AND I'M NOT GONNA DO IT ANYMORE!" "I AM NOT GONNA DO IT ANYMORE." "THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY SPECIFIC " "GROW THE FUCK UP!" "ARE YOU TALKING TO SOMEONE IN PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?" "[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]" "OH, MY GOD." "TOO BIG IS BAD." "NO, NO, NO, TOO BIG IS BAD, TOO SMALL IS BAD." "AVERAGE?" "AVERAGE IS PERFECT." "WHAT IF IT'S A LITTLE BELOW AVERAGE?" "BAD." "HELLO?" "HELLO." "HI." "ROBERT LAWRENCE." "I'M PATRICK." "HELLO, PATRICK." "NICE TO MEET YOU." "THIS IS A COMMUNITY SEX SPACE." "MM-HMM." "AND IT'S THE FIRST LIKE IT IN THE NATION." "WOW." "I MEAN, THAT'S AWESOME." "AND WE PRODUCE VARIOUS EVENTS, AS LONG AS THEY HAVE" "SOME SORT OF INTEREST ABOUT SEX OR GENDER IN THEM." "MM-HMM." "ALSO HARBOR SOMETHING CALLED" "THE MASTURBATE-A-THON GIL TELLS." "WOW." "MASTURBATE-A-THON IS A GROUP" "OF PEOPLE GETTING TOGETHER IN A ROOM TO MASTURBATE." "OKAY." "AND THEY PAY MONEY TO DO SO," "AND THAT MONEY GOES TO DESERVING NONPROFITS." "IN TERMS OF WHAT YOU GUYS DO," "PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING GOES HERE, SEXUALLY?" "NO, WE DON'T ALLOW PEOPLE TO" "PISS ON PEOPLE IN THIS VENUE." "IT'S HARD ON THE FLOORS." "YEAH." "WE DON'T ALLOW OTHER BODY" "FLUIDS THAT ARE FROM DOWN THERE," "LET'S SAY, MORE DISCREETLY, TO" "BE PUT ON THE FLOORS OR TO BE" "PUT ON PEOPLE BECAUSE OF CONCERNS ABOUT SMELL AND" "SANITATION." "HOW DO YOU THINK THAT SIZE" "KIND OF PLAYS INTO AN INDIVIDUAL'S KIND OF" "PERSONALITY?" "BELIEVE ME, THERE ARE LOTS OF" "WOMEN WHO WOULD SAY, "OH, GOD." "THANK GOD HE ISN'T BIG."" "RIGHT." "YOU KNOW?" "OR "I PREFER A SMALLER ONE," OR," ""I REALLY LOVE ANAL SEX."" "THE HUMAN ANATOMY WILL ALLOW YOU" "TO PUT THAT ENTIRE THING INSIDE SOMEBODY." "YOUR FIRST?" "IT'S A WORKSHOP CALLED" "FISTING, AND YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO FIST PEOPLE." "OR YOU CAN USE MANY FINGERS." "YOU CAN SUPPLEMENT USING YOUR FINGERS." "YOU CAN SLIDE FINGERS INTO" "PEOPLE WHILE YOU'RE ENGAGED IN INTERCOURSE, LIKE SO." "IF I WERE IN YOUR PANTS, SO TO" "SPEAK, I WOULD SIMPLY SAY, "YOU" "KNOW, I'M REALLY GOOD AT ANAL" "SEX, I HAVE A SMALL DICK, AND I LIKE TO LICK THINGS."" "DO YOU THINK IT MATTERS MORE FOR GUYS OR GIRLS?" "I THINK IT MATTERS MORE FOR GUYS." "YOU DO?" "IN THE GAY WORLD, YEAH." "IN THE GAY WORLD?" "A BIG DICK IS LIKE BIG TITS." "SWEET JESUS." "THAT'S GOOD." "THAT'S GOOD?" "[ DING!" "]" "HONESTLY, HAVING A LOT OF" ""STRAIGHT" GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAVE" "BOYFRIENDS, THEY ALWAYS COMPLAIN" "HOW MEN DO NOT GO DOWN ON THEM ENOUGH." "EAT IT." "EAT THAT PUSSY ALL NIGHT LONG." "IF YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS..." "YES." "...TAKE A KNIFE TO YOUR" "THROAT AND END IT ALL RIGHT NOW." "THAT'S GOOD ADVICE." "ROBERT LAWRENCE SUGGESTED THAT I GO SEE ANNIE SPRINKLE." "SHE'S A FORMER PROSTITUTE AND" "PORN STAR, NOT TO MENTION A" "WORLD-FAMOUS SEXPERT AND AUTHOR." "SHE HAS SOME NEW-AGE SEXUAL" "TECHNIQUES THAT COULD DEFINITELY HELP ME." "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING YOUR RESEARCH?" "WELL, I WAS A PROSTITUTE FOR 20 YEARS." "OKAY." "AND THEN I GOT MY PhD IN" "HUMAN SEXUALITY, SO I'M A SEXOLOGIST." "AND NOW I'M DOING RESEARCH IN ECO-SEXUALITY." "MM-HMM." "YOU KNOW, WE COULD THINK OF THE EARTH AS MOTHER." "WITH ECO-SEXUALS, WE THINK EARTH IS LOVER." "MM-HMM." "SO, WE MAKE LOVE THROUGH THE SENSES." "LAY DOWN ON THE EARTH." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "AND JUST KIND OF LIKE..." "YEAH, THINK OF THE EARTH AS YOUR LOVER." "HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO." "HAH, HAH " " THE LOW SOUNDS " " AH, AH, AH." "Both:" "AH, AH." "AND EEE, EEE!" "AH!" "AH!" "EEE!" "YOU'RE A TANTRICA." "YOU ARE TRULY A SEX GURU." "I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES." "YOU ARE JUST..." "THIS IS SO GREAT YOU'RE ON THIS" "PATH 'CAUSE YOU'RE A SEXUALLY GIFTED PERSON." "I CAN SEE THAT." "YOU ARE." "THANK YOU." "YOU ARE." "I'M TAKING ANOTHER ONE OF THESE " " EXTENZE." "IS THAT NEXIUM?" "THIS?" "YEAH." "IT'S EXTENZE." "[ LAUGHS ]" "THAT'S IT." "WHY YOU LAUGHING?" "THAT IS THE APPROPRIATE REACTION." "[ LAUGHS ]" "IT'S OKAY." "IS IT REALLY?" "YEAH, IT IS." "[ LAUGHS ]" "WELL, THAT'S WHAT THE DOCUMENTARY IS ABOUT." "WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THE AVERAGE SIZE IS FOR A MALE?" "DURING?" "LIKE THAT?" "ISH?" "THAT'S DEPRESSING." "[ LAUGHS ]" "ALL RIGHT." "UH-OH." "THANK YOU." "I KNOW." "I KNOW." "[ LAUGHS ]" "[ PUMP SQUEAKING ]" "IT'S IN THERE." "I MEAN, PROMISING, POTENTIALLY?" "HEY, DUDE, I DON'T KNOW." "PUT YOUR DICK IN A VACUUM TUBE" "AND TELL ME HOW PROMISING IT FEELS LIKE THINGS ARE." "IT LOOKS BIGGER RIGHT NOW, BUT WHEN I TAKE IT OFF, IT" "CONSTANTLY JUST GOES BACK TO NORMAL." "[ SNIFFS ]" "SURE, YES, IT'S PROMISING." "THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS FULL OF PROMISE." "PUMPING, PILLS, AND JELQING?" "IT SEEMS LIKE THE MORE I TRY, THE LESS RESULTS I SEE." "PLUS, MY PENIS IS EXHAUSTED RIGHT NOW." "[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]" "HI." "I WAS TRYING TO GET A LITTLE" "INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR PRODUCT." "EXTENZE." "I'VE BEEN TAKING IT FOR ABOUT 30" "DAYS AND NOT REALLY SEEING ANY" "RESULTS OR CHANGES OR ANYTHING." "IT DOESN'T MAKE IT GROW BY ANY MEANS?" "WHY DID THEY " " WHY WAS I LED TO" "BELIEVE THAT IT WOULD MAKE IT GROW, THEN?" "IT ACTUALLY SAYS, "THE MALE" "ENHANCEMENT PILL THAT CAN MAKE" "YOU LARGER," AND IT STAYS "LARGER" IN BIG, RED LETTERS." "BUT THEY CHOOSE NOT TO MARKET IT LIKE THAT." "THAT'S SUCH GARBAGE." "HERE ARE TWO VARIANTS." "THEY'RE NOT NECESSARILY SUPER" "LONG BECAUSE THERE REALLY IS A" "VARIANT OF WOMAN COMING IN TO" "BUY A DILDO, GOING, "I DON'T WANT IT TO BE TOO LONG." "THAT BOUNCES INTO MY CERVIX " " NOT SO FUN."" "SOME WOMEN LIKE THAT SENSATION." "MANY WOMEN DON'T LIKE IT." "THIS, FOR EXAMPLE " " A LITTLE" "LONGER THAN THOSE " " HAS A" "REALLY PRONOUNCED CORONAL RIDGE." "MM-HMM." "IF THERE'S A PRETTY PRONOUNCED RIDGE THERE, THIS ALL" "BY ITSELF IS SORT OF A PLEASURE" "MAKER FOR SOME WOMEN, PARTICULARLY FOR G-SPOT" "STIMULATION." "YOU SAID THAT A LOT OF MEN COME IN HERE NOW." "IS THIS KIND OF A COMMON PROBLEM?" "WE USED TO CARRY A SUCTION" "PUMP, AND WE HAD TO ALWAYS WARN" "GUYS AWAY FROM USING IT TOO MUCH" "BECAUSE YOU CAN DO PERMANENT" "DAMAGE TO YOUR PENIS USING A PUMP." "NOT SO GOOD, REALLY CAN CAUSE" "ACTUAL SCARRING INSIDE THE PENIS." "SOME GUYS FIND THAT THEY, OVER" "TIME, PUMP A LOT AND GET SOFTER" "AND SOFTER AND SOFTER ERECTIONS, WHICH IS PROBABLY" "COUNTERINTUITIVE." "FOR STARTERS, THE PENIS IS NOT A MUSCLE." "IT'S NOT?" "NO." "IT'S GOT SOME MUSCLES." "BUT IT ISN'T A MUSCLE." "I MEAN, WE CALL IT THE LOVE" "MUSCLE, MUSCLE OF LOVE, MUSCLE OF WHATEVER." "NO, IT'S NOT A MUSCLE." "RIGHT." "THERE WAS ANOTHER METHOD THAT WE" "CAME ACROSS FOR ENLARGEMENT THAT'S CALLED JELQING." "WHAT CONCERNS ME ABOUT THAT" "KIND OF A PROCEDURE IS THAT IF" "YOU PULL THE LIGAMENTS TOO MUCH," "YOU'D RUN SOME RISK OF A REBOUND" "EFFECT, LIKE A "RUBBER BAND COMING BACK" EFFECT." "SO, YOU'D STRETCH IT OUT, AND" "YOU COULD POSSIBLY SHRINK YOUR PENIS." "THAT WOULD BE MY CONCERN." "THAT WOULD BE AWFUL." "APPARENTLY, I'M NOT THE FIRST TO" "FIND OUT THAT ENLARGEMENT PRODUCTS CAN BE MISLEADING." "IN 2010, EXTENZE HAD TO PAY OUT" "$6 MILLION IN A LAWSUIT FOR FALSE ADVERTISING." "I'VE TRIED THE BEST METHODS AVAILABLE IN THE U.S. " "PUMPING, PILLS, AND JELQING." "BUT THEY WERE ALL A TOTAL BUST." "BUT IT'S A BIG WORLD OUT THERE." "IT'S TIME I TAKE THIS JOURNEY INTERNATIONAL." "PASSPORT." "THAT'S HOT STUFF." "MALARONE " " IT'S MALARIA PILLS." "ONE PIECE GOT TO HAVE -- HAWAIIAN SHIRT " " INDICATES" "TO POSSIBLE THIEVES THAT I'M" "TRAVELING AND PROBABLY GOT MONEY ON ME." "MAN'S OBSESSION WITH HIS SCHLONG" "HAS BEEN PRETTY WELL DOCUMENTED" "THROUGHOUT HUMAN HISTORY." "THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS HAD A GOD," "OSIRIS, WITH A GOLDEN WIENER." "THE ANCIENT GREEKS HAD PRIAPUS," "A FERTILITY GOD WHOSE PENIS WAS BIGGER THAN HIM." "THE 2,000-YEAR-OLD "KAMA SUTRA"" "ILLUSTRATED HOW TO GET THE MOST" "PLEASURE OUT OF YOUR PENIS." "AND IN KOMAKI, JAPAN, THEY'VE" "HAD PENIS FESTIVALS FOR THE LAST 1,500 YEARS." "IN 16th-CENTURY EUROPE, IT WAS" "CONSIDERED COOL TO DANGLE YOUR DONG." "BUT IT WAS IN 1948 WHEN THE" "FATHER OF AMERICAN SEXOLOGY," "ALFRED KINSEY, PUBLISHED THE" "FIRST COMPREHENSIVE STUDY OF PENIS SIZE." "SINCE THEN, KINSEY'S PENIS-SIZE" "STATISTICS HAVE SET THE STANDARD." "BUT THE KINSEY REPORT WAS" "SELF-REPORTING, WHICH MEANS THAT" "MEN MEASURED THEIR OWN PENISES AND SENT IN THEIR SIZE." "DO I THINK THAT THEY WERE BEING HONEST?" "PROBABLY NOT." "SO, WE'RE HEADING TO MALAYSIA TO" "MEET A TRUE SIZE EXPERT, AN" "INTERNATIONAL CONDOM MAKER NAMED KLAUS RICHTER." "KLAUS." "OH, HI." "YOU'RE PATRICK?" "YES." "WELCOME TO OUR FACTORY." "YEAH, THANK YOU." "THANKS FOR HAVING ME." "HAVE A HAT." "A HAT, A GIFT " " RICHTER RUBBER TECHNOLOGIES." "HOW MANY CONDOMS DO YOU MAKE A DAY?" "A DAY, WE MAKE A MILLION." "A MILLION?" "IT MEASURES THE VOLUME GOING" "IN AND THE PRESSURE INSIDE." "MM-HMM." "AND SEE, THIS IS THE STANDARD FORMAT, 55 BY 55." "SO, WHEN I BUY A CONDOM AT" "THE STORE, THIS IS THE SIZE THAT I GET." "DEPENDS." "IF YOU BUY IT IN THAILAND, FOR EXAMPLE " " UH-HUH." "WESTERNERS HAVE BIG PROBLEMS" "'CAUSE THE SIZES ARE " " IT'S VERY CRAZY." "HOW BIG IS BELOW AVERAGE?" "THEY SAY ASIAN CONDOMS NEED" "TO BE 49 MILLIMETER, FLAT WIDTH." "AND ACTUALLY, IN GERMANY, WE" "ALWAYS HAD A STANDARD OF 51 OR 52." "AFRICAN SIZE, A LITTLE BIT BIGGER, IS 53, 54." "AND WHAT ABOUT THE LENGTH?" "OKAY, THE LENGTH OF A CONDOM" "DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE PENIS SIZE." "BECAUSE THE CONDOM IS DEFINITELY LONGER THAN THE USE." "RIGHT, RIGHT." "RIGHT?" "WE ARE THE ONLY COMPANY DEFINITELY WHO MAKE ALL SIZES." "SO, WE HAVE, ALTOGETHER AT THE" "MOMENT, 55 DIFFERENT SIZES..." "55 DIFFERENT SIZES." "...MEASURED OVER LENGTH AND WIDTH." "MM-HMM." "KLAUS OFFERS TO HELP ME MEASURE" "MY CONDOM SIZE SO THAT I CAN DETERMINE HOW I MEASURE UP" "AGAINST THE REST OF THE WORLD." "THE LENGTH " " WE HAVE TO SEE, OKAY, HOW LONG, RIGHT?" "SAY, THERE?" "SO, THEN WE PLACE THIS AGAINST THE SKIN." "61, WHICH IS THE SHORTEST." "YEAH." "SO, NOT SO SHORT." "NO, IT'S NOT TOO SHORT." "THE GIRTH?" "YEAH, YEAH, YOU BECOME AN "M."" ""M" IS HERE, 49." "49." "ASIAN SIZE!" "KOREANS HAVE, ON AVERAGE, THE" "SMALLEST PENISES ON THE PLANET." "I WANT TO SEE HOW THEY DEAL WITH THEIR SMALL SIZE." "BUT I DISCOVERED SOMETHING PRETTY UNEXPECTED." "ALTHOUGH KOREANS HAVE THE SMALLEST DICKS IN THE WORLD," "THEY HAVE THE LARGEST DICK STATUES." "ON AVERAGE, KOREAN MEN ARE THE SMALLEST." "IS THAT SOMETHING THAT KOREAN WOMEN TALK ABOUT?" "LOOK AT THIS GUY." "YEAH!" "GET A WIDE SHOT, SOAK IT ALL IN." "HELLO!" "HELLO!" "HI." "THERE IS SO MUCH DICK IN THIS" "COUNTRY, THEY'VE GOT TO HAVE SOME ANSWERS." "OTHERWISE, WHAT'S WITH ALL THE DICK?" "I MAY BE SMALL, BUT COMPARED TO" "A KOREAN, MAYBE I'M HUGE." "I'M GOING TO SEEK SOME ADVICE" "FROM A CLASS OF KOREAN UNIVERSITY STUDENTS." "I PROPOSED MARRIAGE, AND SHE" "SAID NO BECAUSE SHE SAID THAT MY PENIS IS TOO SMALL." "[ LAUGHTER ]" "BECAUSE I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT MY SIZE, REALLY." "I MEAN, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, AND" "I HAD ALWAYS BEEN LIKE, "MAN, IT" "WOULD BE SUPER COOL IF I HAD, LIKE, A GIANT ONE." "I'M ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT MY" "PENIS NOW, AND I'M THINKING THAT EVERY TIME I'VE HAD A" "RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN AND IT" "HASN'T WORKED, IT'S BECAUSE" "SHE'S THINKING, "OH, HIS PENIS IS A LITTLE TOO SMALL."" "[ LAUGHTER ]" "[ LAUGHTER ]" "GET MY CONFIDENCE BACK?" "YEAH?" "IS THAT A GOOD PLACE TO BOOST YOUR EGO?" "OKAY." "THAT'S GOOD ADVICE." "HEY!" "HEY!" "NO!" "NO!" "[ SHOUTING IN KOREAN ]" "NO, NO, NO!" "NO!" "NO!" "NO!" "NO!" "STOP!" "[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]" "HEY!" "[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]" "OKAY, SO, NOBODY LIKES HAVING" "THEIR PENIS SECRETLY FILMED." "AND I MAY HAVE BROKEN SEVERAL LAWS." "SO, FOR NOW, I'M GONNA GET OUT" "OF KOREA AND CHECK OUT TAIPEI, TAIWAN." "TAIPEI IS A CITY RICH WITH HISTORY AND TRADITION." "AMONG THESE TRADITIONS ARE" "SEVERAL ANCIENT METHODS FOR MALE ENHANCEMENT." "SO, I'M GOING TO SNAKE ALLEY," "WHERE THEY TRADE IN TRADITIONAL CHINESE MEDICINE." "TRY A LITTLE BIT OF SNAKE." "THERE'S BONES IN IT." "OW!" "MMM." "OH, TURTLES!" "WHOA." "LOOK AT THOSE DEAD TURTLE HEADS." "GOD!" "[ LAUGHTER ]" "THAT THING'S LIKE 13" LONG." "HERE WE GO." "THAT'S NOT BAD." "THAT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD, YEAH." "OKAY." "DOWN THE HATCH." "IT'S LIKE A CHERRY TOMATO FULL OF BALLS." "UGH." "I HAVE NO IDEA, DUDE." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "UGH." "AFTER EATING ROOSTER TESTICLES" "IN SNAKE ALLEY, I NEED A DRINK." "I FOUND A BAR WHERE A LOCAL" "TAIWANESE GIRL WAS WILLING TO TALK TO ME ABOUT SIZE." "AH." "SIZE?" "UH-HUH." "OKAY." "THE SIZE." "AH, WELL, I HAVE TO SAY, I'M A BIT SHY SOMETIMES." "YEAH." "YEAH." "DO, LIKE, A LOT OF AMERICAN GUYS, LIKE, HIT ON YOU?" "NO?" "I FIND THAT INCREDIBLY HARD TO BELIEVE." "NO, NO, NO." "DO YOU THINK THEY'RE, LIKE, ATTRACTIVE?" "YOU DON'T?" "YOU DON'T THINK AMERICAN MEN ARE ATTRACTIVE?" "DAMN IT!" "WHO DO YOU FIND THE MOST ATTRACTIVE?" "LIKE, WHAT KIND OF GUYS?" "LIKE, ASIAN GUYS OR...?" "I PREFER BLACK GUYS." "YOU PREFER BLACK GUYS?" "YEAH." "DO YOU LIKE THE BIGGER PENIS?" "IS THAT...?" "NO." "FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE TO LIKE THIS PERSON." "RIGHT, RIGHT." "THEN YOU WILL SEE HIS PENIS," "AND IT'S SOMETHING LIKE A GIFT." "IT'S LIKE A GIFT." "YEAH, YOU OPEN YOUR GIFTS," "AND SOMETIMES IT'S "OOH!" AND SOMETIMES "AH."" "[ LAUGHS ]" "BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO PRETEND THAT IT'S, "WOW!"" "RIGHT, RIGHT." "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH." "DID YOU KNOW THAT A 500-POUND" "SILVERBACK GORILLA HAS A 3-CENTIMETER PENIS, WHEREAS" "HUMANS HAVE A 13-CENTIMETER PENIS?" "[ SLOOP!" "]" "THIS IS DUE TO A PHENOMENON SCIENTISTS CALL SEXUAL" "SELECTION." "HUMAN FEMALES TEND TO PREFER MATES WITH BIGGER PENISES." "SO, OVER TIME, THE HUMAN PENIS" "HAS EVOLVED TO A SIZE WAY BIGGER THAN NECESSARY." "[ DING!" "]" "AND THAT'S MY PROBLEM " " NO" "WOMAN WILL EVER CHOOSE ME OVER A" "GUY WITH A BIGGER DICK." "IT'S HUMAN NATURE." "SO, TODAY I'M MORE DETERMINED" "THAN EVER TO FIND A CURE FOR MY PROBLEM." "I THINK THIS IS IT." "THIS IS MASTER TU'S STUDIO." "HI." "MASTER TU?" "YEAH." "YEAH." "I'M PATRICK." "HI." "HOW ARE YOU?" "THANK YOU." "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MEETING WITH ME." "WHAT EXACTLY IS IT THAT YOU GUYS PRACTICE HERE?" "AND WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS THAT" "SOMEONE CAN GET FROM DOING THESE THINGS?" "MASTER TU LEARNED THE ANCIENT" "METHOD OF PENIS WEIGHT HANGING" "THROUGH HIS FATHER'S TEACHINGS." "BY LIFTING WEIGHTS WITH YOUR" "PENIS, YOU INCREASE YOUR BODY'S" "NATURAL ENERGY AND PENIS LENGTH." "SO, IT ACTUALLY DOES INCREASE YOUR SIZE?" "SO, IF I WERE TO TRY IT FOR MY" "FIRST TIME, IT WOULD BE JUST VERY SMALL AMOUNT." "LIKE THIS." "THIS SIZE?" "THAT'S " " THIS IS PRETTY " "MASTER TU IS GONNA START ME OUT" "WITH A 5-POUND LIFT, BUT FIRST I" "NEED TO WARM UP MY CHI." "SO, MASTER TU AND HIS ASSISTANT" "TAKE ME THROUGH THE PROCESS." "RUB." "RUB." "RUB." "RUB?" "RUB?" "NOW I SLAP IT?" "[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]" "[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]" "HOW I SHOULD TIE IT?" "OKAY." "OKAY!" "[ Chuckling ] YEAH." "OH, MAN." "OH, MAN." "[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]" "[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]" "STAND." "STAND." "ALL THE WAY UP?" "[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]" "SWING?" "ROCK A LITTLE BIT." "[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]" "I'M CRAZY." "I AM CRAZY." "HOW'S IT FEEL?" "FEELS ALL RIGHT." "[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]" "THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING." "THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING." "[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]" "[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]" "YEAH." "YEAH." "[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]" "AH." "[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]" "HE SAID, OKAY, BESIDES, THE" "PAIN DOWN THERE, DO YOU FEEL" "LIKE YOUR WHOLE BODY'S BEEN RE-INVIGORATED?" "I FEEL LIKE VERY LIGHT, LIKE" "VERY, UH " " ALSO VERY SWEATY." "[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]" "HE SAID THAT'S THE HORMONES KICKING IN." "THAT'S THE HORMONES KICKING IN?" "I CAN FEEL IT WORKING." "THEY'RE ABOUT READY." "[ CONVERSING IN CHINESE ]" "HOW MUCH IS THIS?" "THAT'S 20 KILOGRAMS." "SO, IT'S CLOSE TO 350." "CLOSE TO 350 POUNDS." "[ CONVERSING IN CHINESE ]" "[ APPLAUSE ]" "THAT'S " " THAT IS AMAZING." "THAT -- [ SPEAKING CHINESE ]" "THAT IS AMAZING." "WOW." "[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]" "THIS GUY HAS GOT TO BE HUGE." "WHILE WEIGHT-HANGING SEEMED PROMISING, THAT GUY'S JUNK" "DIDN'T LOOK TOO GREAT, AND MINE" "KIND OF FEELS LIKE A PAIR OF OLD SHOELACES." "WHOA!" "HEY, FUCKER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "DON'T..." "BUT THERE'S STILL HOPE." "WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO THE LAST COUNTRY ON OUR JOURNEY." "PAPUA NEW GUINEA IS ONE OF THE" "MOST REMOTE COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD." "SEVERAL OF THE TRIBES HERE HAVE" "TRADITIONAL VIRILITY RITUALS" "HANDED DOWN FROM PRE-COLONIAL TIMES." "OUR GUIDE IS PROFESSOR GIL HERDT, THE" "FOREMOST ANTHROPOLOGIST WORKING IN THE COUNTRY." "THERE'S SO MANY DIFFERENT" "WAYS IN WHICH THE PENIS REPRESENTS POWER..." "YEAH." "...REPRESENTS DOMINATION, REPRESENTS..." "MASCULINITY." "...MASCULINITY." "SAMBIA WILL TELL THE STORY " "THIS IS THE TRIBE THAT I WORK WITH IN NEW GUINEA." "MM-HMM." "AND I KNEW A LOT OF WARRIORS" "WHO REALLY HAD KILLED, WHO REALLY HAD LED BATTLES." "THEY WOULD SAY THAT, WHEN CHARGING INTO BATTLE, THE" "WARRIOR WHO WAS USUALLY THE WAR" "LEADER, WOULD HAVE AN ERECTION..." "HMM." "...WHICH SYMBOLIZED HIS" "ABILITY TO WIN OVER ON HIS ENEMY." "AND IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO GET" "THE LIFE ESSENCE OF A GUY..." "MM-HMM." "...AFTER YOU ATTACKED HIM AND" "HE WAS DYING AND HE WAS HAVING" "SPASMS IN HIS BODY AND HE HAD AN" "ERECTION, YOU TRIED TO GET THE SEMEN." "AND IF YOU COULD TAKE THAT INTO" "YOUR BODY, YOU GOT HIS POWER." "AND THE NOTION WAS NOT FOCUSED" "ON THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS." "AS FAR AS I KNOW, THAT DIDN'T REALLY HAPPEN." "BUT IT APPEARS TO BE COMING UP NOW." "I MEAN, IF YOU GO " " IN A" "SOCIETY WHERE YOU, YOU KNOW, HUNDREDS AND MAYBE EVEN" "THOUSANDS OF YEARS THINKING THAT" "IT'S NOT IMPORTANT, HOW DO THESE" "IDEAS, THESE SEEDS, GET PLANTED" "IN THE MEN'S HEAD AND THEN IN THE WOMEN'S HEAD, TOO?" "HANDHELD CELLPHONES AND" "SEEING PORN STORES WITH BIG DICKS." "MM-HMM." "THESE GUYS SORT OF TALKING" "ABOUT THESE PENIS IMPLANTS," "PUTTING THINGS IN THEIR PENIS." "AT FIRST, I DIDN'T QUITE BELIEVE" "IT, AND THEN, THE MORE THEY" "TALKED ABOUT IT, I THOUGHT " "AND THEN I SAW SOME PHOTOS." "MM-HMM." "AND SO I SAID TO THEM, "WHERE'S THIS COMING FROM?"" "AND THIS IS WHAT I DIDN'T BELIEVE UNTIL THEY TOLD ME." "THEY SAID, "IT'S BECAUSE OUR" "GIRLFRIENDS SAY WE'RE TOO SMALL." "AND I SAID, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING."" "SO, NOW WE'RE DRIVING OUT TO A REMOTE BUSH REGION." "WE WILL MEET A TRIBE WHOSE" "TRADITIONS DATE BACK MANY CENTURIES." "HELLO." "HOW ARE YOU?" "HI!" "YOU'RE FRIENDLY." "HEY, BUDDY." "THE VILLAGE SPANS ACROSS SEVERAL HUNDRED ACRES." "UPON ENTERING, WE ARE MET WITH" "THE TRADITIONAL TRIBAL GREETING." "THIS IS THEIR EQUIVALENT TO A HANDSHAKE." "[ CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ]" "PAT, CAN YOU DO THAT?" "CAN I DO THAT?" "CAN I MAKE FIRE?" "READY?" "WATCH THIS." "AH!" "AH!" "CHEATING." "EH." "IT'S NOT NEARLY AS IMPRESSIVE." "THE TRIBE HAS BEEN VERY WELCOMING." "GIL TELLS THEM OF MY PROBLEM," "AND THEY INTRODUCE ME TO THEIR WITCHDOCTOR." "HE PREPARES A RITUAL AND PLEADS WITH THE GODS." "[ SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE ]" "[ WHOOPING ]" "IT SEEMS THAT THIS RITUAL IS" "MORE SPIRITUAL THAN PHYSICAL." "APPARENTLY, MOST TRIBES CARE FAR" "MORE ABOUT FERTILITY THAN SIZE." "BUT THERE'S STILL A TRIBE THAT" "MAY HAVE THE SOLUTION I'M LOOKING FOR." "WE MEET UP WITH THE SAMBIA PEOPLE." "THESE ARE GIL'S FRIENDS FOR" "SEVERAL DECADES, AND THEY CLAIM" "THAT ENLARGEMENTS ARE COMMON IN THIS REGION." "WHEN HE WAS A BOY, HE FELL DOWN FROM A TREE." "HE WAS ABOUT 5." "5 YEARS OLD." "AND HE FELL ON HIS SCROTUM" "AND SPLICED HIS SCROTUM OPEN." "AND THEY'RE ALL LAUGHING AND LAUGHING AND LAUGHING." "AND I WAS THE MEDICAL ASSISTANT" "TO THIS AREA AT THE TIME." "SO, I SLUNG HIM UP OVER MY" "SHOULDER, AND I CARRIED HIM DOWN THE MOUNTAIN." "AND I HAD BLOOD ALL OVER MY BODY, FROM YOUR BALLS." "WOW." "[ LAUGHTER ]" "RIGHT." "THAT'S MY STORY." "THE SAMBIA PEOPLE WELCOME ME TO THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD." "AND THEN DO THIS." "BAM!" "[ LAUGHTER ]" "THEN WE HEAD TO THE MARKET TO" "SEEK OUT ENLARGEMENT PROSPECTS." "[ CONVERSING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ]" "YOU EXPLAIN TO HIM." "AM PATRICK." "YOU CAN TALK SAMBIA ON PATRICK." "THIS IS THE NUMBER YOU WANT." "OH, FOR THE " " YES." "REALLY?" "EXTEND." "FOR THE BIG " " YEAH, THE " "AND WHEN YOU DO THE PROCEDURE," "THE NEEDLE " " HOW MANY TIMES DO" "YOU PUT IT " " DO YOU PUT IT IN" "ONCE, PUT ALL THE OIL IN, OR DO" "YOU HAVE TO GO INTO DIFFERENT AREAS OF THE PENIS?" "I DON'T LIKE NEEDLES, SO..." "10 SHOTS." "10 SHOTS." "THAT'S 50 MILS." "50 MILS, 10 SHOTS." "ONE 5 MILLILITER, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, TWO IN THE MIDDLE." "FROM THE MEN THAT YOU'VE" "DONE, DOES IT APPEAR TO BE A" "PAINFUL PROCEDURE, OR IS IT FAIRLY PAINLESS?" "AND IT'S SAFE." "IT'S A SAFE PROCEDURE." "AND IT'S NOT SORE OR...?" "AND IT DOESN'T, LIKE, LEAK OR ANYTHING?" "NO." "NO." "OKAY." "WERE YOU NERVOUS WHEN YOU...?" "MM-HMM." "JUST A LITTLE BIT OF BLOOD?" "CAN YOU PUT IT IN THE SYRINGE" "JUST SO I CAN SEE HOW MUCH?" "AND THAT'S " " SO, 10 OF THOSE?" "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT IF" "YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE, MAN." "IT'S... [ SIGHS ]" "OKAY." "SO, HOW " " SHOULD I STAND " " STAND UP?" "I'M SO SCARED RIGHT NOW." "OHH." "OKAY, UH..." "OKAY." "OKAY." "OKAY." "YEAH." "YEAH." "YEAH." "AH, OKAY." "HANG ON." "[ SIGHS ]" "MNH." "I FEEL A LITTLE..." "I FEEL A LITTLE..." "GO GET SOME FRESH AIR." "OKAY." "HANG ON." "JUST ONE " " YEAH, YEAH, YEAH." "OKAY." "YEAH." "OKAY." "[ CLEARS THROAT ]" "[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]" "DEFINITELY..." "DUDE, WOULD YOU DO THIS?" "SHOULD I DO THIS?" "IS THIS FUCKING CRAZY?" "I'M AFRAID TO EAT THE FUCKING FOOD HERE." "I'M NOT GONNA LET THAT GUY STICK A NEEDLE IN MY PENIS." "I'M NOT DOING IT." "JUST GIVE HIM THE MONEY AND TELL" "HIM THAT I CAN'T DO IT." "DON'T WORRY." "OKAY." "OKAY." "I FEEL LIKE..." "WHEN I WAS STARING DOWN AT THAT" "NEEDLE, I REALIZED JUST HOW" "DESPERATELY I WANT THIS ENLARGEMENT." "THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO." "BUT I HAVE TO DO IT A SMART WAY, A SAFE WAY." "SO, I'M HEADED BACK TO KOREA." "APPARENTLY, IT'S THE" "PLASTIC-SURGERY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD." "[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]" "SO, NOT ONLY DOES KOREA HAVE THE" "SMALLEST PENISES IN THE WORLD." "THEY ALSO HAVE THE MOST PLASTIC SURGERY THAT GOES DOWN." "SO, WE'VE COME TO THIS AREA." "THIS PARTICULAR DISTRICT HAS THE" "MOST PLASTIC-SURGERY CENTERS IN ALL THE WORLD." "¶ I GOT SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT" "THINKING TWICE TONIGHT ¶" "THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HOPING." "HOLY GRAIL." "HI." "I'M HERE TO SEE DR. LEE." "YEAH." "DON'T WORRY." "OKAY." "[ LAUGHS ]" "RIGHT, RIGHT." "MM-HMM." "YEAH." "MM-HMM." "MM-HMM." "[ SPEAKING KOREAN ]" "DR. LEE EXPLAINS THAT HIS" "SURGERY IS DONE IN TWO WAYS." "ONE IS BY HARVESTING A SECTION" "OF SKIN AND FAT FROM A DEAD BODY" "AND ELONGATING THE PENIS WITH THE EXTRA FLESH." "THE OTHER AND MORE POPULAR" "PROCEDURE INVOLVES HARVESTING" "FAT FROM THE PATIENT'S ABDOMEN" "AND INSERTING IT UNDER THE SKIN" "OF THE PENIS SHAFT, THUS ADDING" "SEVERAL CENTIMETERS OF GIRTH AND" "A VERY NATURAL APPEARANCE." "DR. LEE INVENTED THIS PROCEDURE," "AND IT'S BECOME THE INDUSTRY STANDARD." "IT'S CONSIDERED TO BE VERY SAFE AND EFFECTIVE." "DR. LEE INVITES ME TO MEET ONE OF HIS CURRENT PATIENTS." "[ LAUGHS ]" "HI." "HI." "GOOD MORNING." "GOOD MORNING." "GOOD MORNING." "[ SPEAKING KOREAN ]" "[ CHUCKLES ]" "MM-HMM, MM-HMM." "OKAY." "OH, YEAH." "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH." "WOW." "[ LAUGHS ]" "YEAH, YEAH." "THANK YOU." "THANK YOU." "I MEAN, IT WAS PRETTY BIG." "I MEAN, IF HE WAS REALLY SMALL" "ENOUGH TO COME IN AND CONSIDER" "HAVING THIS PROCEDURE DONE " "I MEAN, WHAT I SAW WAS, YOU" "KNOW, PRETTY GIRTHY-LOOKING." "[ PHONE LINE RINGING ]" "YES?" "WHAT UP, MAN?" "IT'S PAT." "UH, NOTHING, DUDE." "I WENT AND MET THIS DOCTOR, THE," "LIKE, PENIS-ENLARGEMENT GUY." "HE'S LIKE THE MOST FAMOUS PENIS" "DOCTOR IN THE WORLD, AND HE LIKE" "DEVELOPED THIS PROCEDURE." "HE DID IT." "IT'S HIS " " LIKE, FROM HIS BRAIN, HE MADE IT UP." "[ CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ]" "I FEEL LIKE IF MAYBE I CAN" "SEE HOW THE PROCEDURE IS DONE," "IT'LL KIND OF SETTLE MY FEARS A" "LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW, IF I KNOW" "WHAT, YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY GETTING MY DICK INTO." "BUT, I MEAN, HE SAID IT'S" "LIKE " " YOU KNOW, THERE'S LITERALLY NO PAIN." "YOU RECOVER IN LIKE A DAY." "SO, I MEAN, IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD." "HAVE YOU SEE BEFORE " " OPERATION?" "MNH-MNH." "NO?" "MNH-MNH." "FIRST TIME?" "MM-HMM." "FOR THE EXPERIENCE?" "MNH-MNH." "[ VOMITS ]" "[ COUGHING ]" "DUDE, HERE." "HERE." "[ SNIFFS ]" "[ CHUCKLES ]" "NO." "NO WAY." "YOU EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS WHERE YOU JUST STEP" "OUTSIDE YOURSELF AND KIND OF" "TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING" "AND REALIZE THAT YOU'RE JUST NOT" "BEING YOURSELF ANYMORE?" "AND HONESTLY, I DON'T REALLY" "KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE ANYMORE." "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S ABOUT." "EVERYTHING WE DO ISN'T WORKING." "I'M MAKING A COMPLETE FOOL OF" "MYSELF IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD." "WHO'S GONNA WANT TO BE WITH ME AFTER SEEING THIS FILM?" "I LOOK LIKE AN INSECURE," "NARCISSISTIC FREAK WITH A TINY DICK." "IT'S YOUR MOVIE!" "YEAH, IF YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS" "COMING FROM A MILE AWAY, THEN YOU'RE OBLIVIOUS, MAN." "HEY, PATTY." "HOW ARE YOU DOING?" "UM..." "I'VE BEEN HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS" "ABOUT THE FILM." "IT'S JUST A LITTLE INTENSE." "SO, I TOLD EVERYBODY THAT I'M DONE." "YOU'RE ASKING A QUESTION OF" "MALE IDENTITY THAT IS BEYOND JUST YOU." "IT'S A BIG QUESTION." "SO I UNDERSTAND IT WOULD BE" "CONFUSING AT A CERTAIN POINT." "BUT I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY" "YOU WOULD GET THIS FAR AND THEN QUIT." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING." "IT'S HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE, I GUESS." "IT'S ALL HARD, PATTY, YOU KNOW?" "I DON'T WANT TO BRING UP THE OLD" "HISTORY, BUT YOU WALKED OUT OF TWO S.A.T.s." "YOU WANTED TO QUIT BASKETBALL." "DID YOU QUIT?" "I CAN'T REMEMBER." "YOU DID." "I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU TOTALLY" "DIFFERENT ADVICE THREE MONTHS" "AGO, BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE YOU'VE" "REALLY GROWN FROM THE EXPERIENCE" "AND ASKING THE QUESTIONS." "AND, YOU KNOW, IN GROWTH, THERE" "IS PAIN, AND IT'S PAINFUL RIGHT" "NOW, BUT JUST KEEP GROWING." "DON'T GIVE UP." "WHY DOES SIZE MATTER SO MUCH?" "AND WHERE DOES THIS OBSESSION COME FROM?" "AND HOW CAN YOU HELP PEOPLE WHO FEEL INSECURE ABOUT IT?" "THERE'S NO GOOD WAY FOR ME TO" "GET A BIGGER DICK, BUT MAYBE I" "CAN FIND A WAY TO LIVE WITH THE ONE I'VE GOT." "IN NEW YORK, THERE'S A MAN THAT I'M TERRIFIED TO MEET." "HIS NAME IS JONAH FALCON, AND HE" "HAS THE WORLD'S BIGGEST PENIS." "AS FAR AS YOU KNOW, IS YOURS LIKE THE BIGGEST?" "AS FAR AS I KNOW." "IT WAS MEASURED ON CAMERA 13 1/2"." "WITHOUT USING A RULER, I GO FROM" "HERE TO HERE, AND I'M AT THIS THICKNESS." "HOW HAS HAVING A PENIS THAT LARGE CHANGED YOUR LIFE?" "WELL, I WAS 8" WHEN I WAS 10," "SO IT'S SORT OF LIKE NORMALCY FOR ME, YOU KNOW?" "RIGHT." "THE ONLY THING THAT CHANGES" "IS PEOPLE'S REACTION TO ME." "MM-HMM." "YOU KNOW?" "SO, IT MAKES SEX EASIER." "IT DOESN'T MAKE RELATIONSHIPS EASIER." "YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD RELATIONSHIPS, BUT NONE OF THEM" "HAVE REALLY LASTED MORE THAN, SAY, EIGHT MONTHS." "WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?" "I MEAN, PEOPLE TEND NOT TO" "THINK OF ME IN THAT SORT OF WAY, YOU KNOW?" "THEY TEND TO THINK OF ME AS MORE" "OF A, YOU KNOW, "LET'S SEE WHAT HE'S LIKE."" "SO, IT'S MORE OF LIKE A CURIOSITY, FASCINATION." "BASICALLY, YEAH." "RIGHT." "I MEAN, I'VE HAD ONE PARTNER SAY, "I DON'T LOVE YOU." "I JUST WANT YOU TO FUCK ME."" "MM-HMM." "YOU KNOW?" "WHICH IS REALLY A " " THAT'S" "REALLY A BULLET TO MY HEART BECAUSE " " RIGHT." "YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT THERE'S SOMETHING DEEPER, BUT" "APPARENTLY IT'S " " YOU KNOW," "WHERE I THINK IT'S HERE, THEY" "THINK IT'S HERE, IN TERMS OF DEPTH." "I MEAN, I HEAR YOU." "I MEAN, LIKE, I HAVEN'T REALLY" "HAD VERY MANY SUBSTANTIAL" "RELATIONSHIPS, AND IT IS FAIRLY" "OBVIOUS NOW THAT I AM PROBABLY" "MAYBE A LITTLE BELOW WHAT IS AVERAGE." "BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I HAVE" "BEEN BROACHED BY THIS TOPIC BY" "OTHER GUYS, AS WELL, AND ONE OF" "MY FAVORITES IS, "MAN, IF I HAD WHAT YOU HAD --"" "AND MY ANSWER IS, "WHAT?" "WHAT WOULD YOU DO?" "WHAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT?" "IT WOULD BE YOU PLUS A FEW EXTRA" "INCHES, BUT GUESS WHAT." "YOU'RE STILL YOU." "AND PEOPLE ARE GONNA LIKE YOU EITHER WAY."" "IT STARTED AS "PICKLE."" "MM-HMM." "AND THAT PISSED ME OFF, AND I FELT IT IMMEDIATELY." "LIKE, THE HIGH SCHOOL RAGE CAME BACK." "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS DOCUMENTARY?" "I DON'T KNOW." "[ LAUGHS ]" "I DON'T KNOW." "IT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE." "IT HASN'T BEEN GREAT." "I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH." "AND THAT KIND OF STARTED THIS WHOLE PROJECT." "I'M NOW UNDER THE IMPRESSION" "THAT PROBABLY I'M LIKE A LITTLE BELOW AVERAGE." "HALF OF EVERYONE IS." "RIGHT." "RIGHT." "UM " " AND "TOO SMALL" IS RELATIVE." ""TOO SMALL" IS RELATIVE?" "TOO SMALL FOR HER." "RIGHT." "WE'VE PASSED THIS POINT WHERE" "THE MALE BODY, ONCE UPON A TIME," "WAS NOT SUBJECT TO A CRITICAL GAZE." "AND NOW IT IS." "AND NOW MEN'S GENITALS ARE A" "SUBJECT OF SCRUTINY AND DEBATE" "AND, YOU KNOW, THUMBS UP OR" "THUMBS DOWN, IN A WAY THAT THEY" "DIDN'T USED TO BE, AND IN THE" "WAY THAT TITS ALWAYS WERE." "SHE HAD GOOD TITS." "SHE HAS BAD TITS." "SHE HAS BIG TITS." "SHE HAS A NICE RACK." "SHE DOESN'T HAVE A NICE RACK." "WHERE DO YOU THINK THESE KIND" "OF IDEAS ARE COMING FROM?" "WELL, WE LIVE IN A PORN-IFIED CULTURE." "MM-HMM." "PORN IS A SKEWED SAMPLE." "PEOPLE AREN'T SEEING A REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLE OF" "PENISES ANYWHERE." "ALL THEY'RE SEEING IS PORN PENISES." "WELL, THE FIRST PENIS I EVER" "SAW LOOKED LIKE IT HAD CRASHED LANDED ON THIS PLANET." "[ LAUGHS ]" "AND IT, YOU KNOW, THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS." "AND, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WITH" "GUYS WHO HAVE THAT PENIS." "AND IT'S NOT FUN." "I THINK GUYS HAVE THIS IDEA" "THAT WHEN THEY'RE NOT AROUND," "WOMEN ARE CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT THEIR PENISES." "THE SIZE OF THEIR PENISES." "I THINK POP CULTURE GIVES GUYS THAT IDEA." "I'M A FAG, AND I HANG OUT WITH" "WOMEN WHEN THERE AREN'T STRAIGHT GUYS AROUND." "AND IT ALMOST NEVER COMES UP." "YOU KNOW, THERE'S ONE FAMOUS" "STUDY THAT SHOWED THAT WOMEN " "THE LONG-TERM PARTNERS OF MEN" "WITH SMALL PENISES REPORTED HIGHER LEVELS OF SEXUAL" "SATISFACTION THAN LONG-TERM PARTNERS OF MEN WITH" "ABOVE-AVERAGE PENISES..." "HMM." "...BECAUSE THE GUYS WITH" "SMALLER PENISES DIDN'T JUST RELY" "ON THEIR MAGIC DICKS TO GET THEIR GIRLFRIENDS OF," "NECESSARILY." "RIGHT." "THEY FELT LIKE THEY HAD TO GO" "THE " " MAKE SOME EXTRA EFFORT." "YOU HAD TO KNOW HOW TO HAVE SEX." "I WAS WITH A GUY WHO HAD A SMALL" "DICK, WHO WOULDN'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT." "I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE SIZE OF HIS DICK." "I REALLY DIDN'T." "BUT LISTENING TO HIM COMPLAIN" "ABOUT HIS DICK AND PROJECT HIS" "INSECURITIES ONTO ME ALL THE" "TIME WAS EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTING." "I WAS FINE WITH HIS DICK." "I WASN'T FINE WITH HIS ASSUMPTION THAT I WASN'T FINE" "WITH HIS DICK, AND EVENTUALLY IT" "CONTRIBUTED TO OUR BREAKUP." "SOMEBODY WITH A BELOW-AVERAGE DICK ISN'T GONNA SATISFY" "SOMEBODY WHO'S A COCK-HOUND OR" "A SIZE QUEEN, AND SO WHAT?" "YOU JUST DON'T, THEN, MARRY A SIZE QUEEN." "MM-HMM." "YOU HAVE TO FIND SOMEBODY WHO" "LIKE YOUR JUNK AND IT WORKS FOR" "THEM AND RUN OFF TOGETHER." "RIGHT." "THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY HAS TO DO." "YOU HAVE TO FIND SOMEBODY WHO" "LIKES EVERYTHING YOU BRING TO THE TABLE." "THE ONLY WAY THAT I CAN MOVE" "ON IS TO FIND SOMEBODY WHO LIKES" "EVERYTHING THAT I BRING TO THE TABLE." "I NEED TO GET BACK ON THE HORSE." "SO, I'VE DECIDED TO ASK KASSIA OUT ON A DATE." "SHE'S THE GIRL FROM THE SEX SHOP." "[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ]" "¶ MY HEART BEATS ¶ MY HEART IS FEELING LOVE" "¶ MY HEART BEATS ¶ MY HEART BEATS STRONGER" "¶ MY HEART BEATS ¶ MY HEART IS FEELING LOVE" "¶ MY HEART BEATS ¶ MY HEART BEATS STRONGER" "¶ MY HEART BEATS ¶ MY HEART IS FEELING LOVE" "¶ MY HEART BEATS ¶ MY LOVE BEATS STRONGER" "¶ MY HEART BEATS ¶ MY HEART IS FEELING LOVE" "¶ MY HEART BEATS ¶ MY LOVE BEATS STRONGER" "¶ AND WHAT ARE WE DOING?" "¶ WHERE HAVE WE BEEN?" "¶ NO, NO ¶ A STUPID BAD CHAT ¶ TWO ON THE FLOOR" "¶ AND WAS THAT THE NIGHT..." "ALL RIGHT, SO, WHAT ABOUT TONIGHT?" "DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME TONIGHT?" "YEAH." "IS THAT FOR REAL?" "YOU DID?" "YEAH." "I DID." "I MEAN, I'M STILL HAVING THE TIME." "STILL HAVING THE TIME?" "YEAH." "I'LL GET BACK TO YOU." "GET BACK TO ME AFTER IT'S OVER?" "WHAT ABOUT ME?" "WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME?" "AM I JUST A WEIRDO?" "IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU." "[ LAUGHS ]" "IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE AWESOME." "I JUST FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A" "LITTLE OBSESSED WITH THIS WHOLE THING." "[ SIGHS ]" "DO I SEEM OBSESSED?" "IS THAT KIND OF HOW I COME OFF?" "[ LAUGHS ] UM " " AS I HOLD A CAMERA IN YOUR" "FACE?" "YES." "YEAH." "YEAH, IT'S WEIRD." "I DON'T UNDERSTAND, LIKE " "THERE'S SO MUCH MORE GOING ON, I FEEL." "LIKE " " IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A" "RELATIONSHIP, IF YOU WANT TO BE" "INTIMATE, IF ANY OF THAT MATTERS." "I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW HOW MEN FEEL." "IT'S SO NOT ALL ABOUT YOUR DICK." "HMM." "IF YOU GUYS CARE, P.S., IF" "THIS EVER MAKES IT, IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOUR DICK." "UH-OH." "YOUR TURN?" "YEAH." "[ SIGHS ]" "I LIKE IT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CAMERA." "IT'S A LOT LESS -- IT'S BETTER, HUH?" "YEAH, IT'S WAY BETTER." "WHATEVER IT IS YOU NEED, NEEDS" "TO HAPPEN BEFORE I FEEL LIKE WE" "COULD EVEN GO GET A DRINK" "WITHOUT YOU THINKING ABOUT IT." "I THOUGHT I COULD FIX MY" "PROBLEM, BUT MAYBE I AM THE PROBLEM." "I HAVE THE HONOR OF BRINGING UP YOUR NEXT COMEDIAN." "PLEASE MAKE SOME NOISE FOR MY GOOD BUDDY PATRICK MOOTE," "EVERYBODY, PATRICK MOOTE!" "[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]" "ANDREW SLEIGHTER, EVERYBODY." "GIVE IT UP." "SO, ANDREW TOLD YOU GUYS I JUST GOT BACK." "WHOO!" "BACK!" "[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]" "THANK YOU, GUYS." "IT WAS PRETTY COOL." "I GOT TO GO AROUND THE WORLD, SEE SOME STUFF..." "IN ORDER TO MAKE MY PENIS BIGGER." "[ LAUGHTER ]" "AND IN TAIWAN, THERE'S A GROUP OF PEOPLE." "THEY'RE THESE MARTIAL ARTISTS," "AND THEY TIE UP THEIR WHOLE" "SITUATION WITH A ROPE, AND THEN" "THEY HANG WEIGHTS, WHICH, IN TAIWAN, IS PROBABLY COOL." "24 HOUR FITNESS?" "OH, NOT SO MUCH." "[ LAUGHTER ]" "PLUS, IT'S LIKE FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND A SPOTTER." "YOU'RE LIKE, "HEY, YOU WANT TO SPOT ME, BRO?"" "[ LAUGHTER ]" ""MY DICK?" "DOWN THERE?"" "YOU KNOW?" "IT'S BEEN " " THIS WHOLE THING THAT I'VE BEEN" "DOING HAS BEEN CRAZY." "IT'S BEEN WEIRD, AND IT'S BEEN AWESOME." "BUT THE THING THAT I REALIZED" "THE MOST IS THAT, YOU KNOW, IT'S" "NOT ABOUT THE INSECURITIES THAT YOU HAVE, YOU KNOW?" "YOU GOT TO FIND SOMEBODY WHO'S RIGHT FOR YOU." "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT THE PENIS." "I THINK THEY'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL, JUST LIKE I THINK ALL" "TREES ARE BEAUTIFUL, IN THEIR OWN WAY." "IT'S WHAT IT IS, AND IT'S FABULOUS." "IT'S GOT NERVE ENDINGS." "IT'S YOUR FRIEND." "[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]" "MY PENIS TOOK ME TO PLACES I" "NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE." "IT MADE ME DO THINGS I NEVER DREAMT I WOULD DO." "HEY!" "AND ALONG THE WAY, I MET SOME REALLY GREAT PEOPLE." "[ LAUGHS ]" "[ LAUGHS ]" "[ LAUGHS ]" "BYE!" "YEAH." "BYE." "AH!" "[ CHUCKLES ]" "I STARTED THIS JOURNEY WITH A" "QUESTION " " DOES SIZE MATTER?" "AND IT DID " " TO ME." "BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?" "IT DOESN'T ANYMORE." "HA!" "AH!" "AH!" "[ CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ]" "I THINK THE BIGGEST THING, THE WHOLE THING THAT I'VE" "LEARNED THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE" "JOURNEY, IS THAT, JUST BE COOL WITH YOURSELF, YOU KNOW?" "JUST BE GOOD WITH YOURSELF." "DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT." "[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]" "THE AVERAGE DEPTH OF THE FEMALE VAGINA IS 3.2"." "THE AVERAGE LENGTH OF THE MALE PENIS IS 4.4"." "SO, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?" "MAN, YOU GOT PLENTY OF PEOPLE" "IN YOUR LIFE THAT REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU, AND, YOU KNOW," "THERE'S FUCKING MILLIONS OF" "GIRLS OUT THERE, BRO, ALL RIGHT?" "TAKE IT EASY." "THANKS A LOT!" "IT'S BEEN GOOD." "MY NAME IS PATRICK MOOTE." "[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]" "PATRICK MOOTE, EVERYBODY!" "[ CHUCKLES ]" "SO, I GUESS THAT'S ABOUT IT." "I THINK I CAN SAFELY SAY THAT," "AT THIS POINT, I AM SICK OF TALKING ABOUT MY DICK." "AND I'M PRETTY SURE THAT YOU'RE" "ALL SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT, SO" "I WILL SHUT UP ABOUT MY DICK AND" "TALK ABOUT THIS YOUNG LADY..." "[ CHUCKLES ] ...WHO IS AWESOME." "MM. SUPER." "...AND AMAZING, KIND OF PRETTY..." "MM-HMM." "...GREAT ATTITUDE, LIKE " "WHY ARE YOU BEING SO WEIRD?" "I'M NOT BEING WEIRD." "I'M JUST TELLING YOU THAT I THINK YOU'RE GREAT." "YOU'RE NOT GONNA PROPOSE TO ME, ARE YOU?" "WHAT?" "IS THAT -- [ LAUGHS ] COME ON! ¶ 'CAUSE EVERYTHING MOVES ¶ EVERYTHING PULSES" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ EVERYTHING MOVES ¶ EVERYTHING PULSES" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶ IN THE EYES OF YOU" "¶ RAMBLE ON, CHUG ALONG" "¶ AND IF THE BEAT STOPS THUMPING" "THEN SOMETHING'S WRONG ¶" "¶ IGNORE IT, SON ¶ IT'S JUST A SONG" "¶ BUT I CAN SEE YOUR WHITE-KNUCKLED HAND FROM" "HOLDING ON ¶" "¶ SO LATELY I WONDER WHY WE RELY ON THE SURE THING ¶" "¶ IT'S TOO DAMN COMFORTING ¶ TO STAY ALIVE, OVERDRIVE," "TILL WE FIND SOMETHING NEW ¶" "¶ TO KEEP THE PULSE ALIVE IN YOU ¶" "¶ SO MANY ANGLES ¶ SO MANY LINES" "¶ SO MANY WAYS TO SEE THE SUNRISE ¶" "¶ 'CAUSE EVERYTHING MOVES ¶ EVERYTHING PULSES" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ EVERYTHING MOVES ¶ EVERYTHING PULSES" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶ IN THE EYES OF YOU" "¶ EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW QUITE WHAT TO DO ¶" "¶ THE TIME WILL SHOW WHAT WE KNOW IS HARDLY EVER TRUE ¶" "¶ I'D RATHER HAVE THEN NEVER HAD THE SPINNING ROOM ¶=" "¶ THE FEELING THAT I MOVED" "¶ NO MORE STANDING STILL AT YOUR" "WILL, BUT YOU CAN TRY UNTIL YOU" "SEE THE MOTION'S MOVING YOU ¶" "¶ 'CAUSE EVERYTHING MOVES ¶ EVERYTHING PULSES" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ EVERYTHING MOVES ¶ EVERYTHING PULSES" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ EVERYTHING LIES IN THE EYES OF YOU ¶" "¶ EYES OF YOU ¶ IN THE EYES OF YOU"