"Narrator:" "Previously on "Childrens Hospital"..." "Glenn:" "Two things... number one, I get hard when a woman cries;" "Number two, your daughter will never walk again." "Oh, my God." "Cat:" "Lola's dead." "Chief:" "I hear her ghost still haunts the old haunted locker room." "Owen:" "Aaaaaah!" "Lola:" "Is it really so crazy that I faked my own death because I had too many e-mails?" "We lost her." "Owen:" "Listen, don't you blame yourself." "Blake:" "Well, I don't blame myself." "Owen:" "Don't." "Blake:" "I don't." "I'm serious." "Owen:" "Don't you do that." "Blake:" "Hey, does it look like I was blaming myself, because I didn't want..." "I shouldn't have given that impression." "Owen:" "This is not on you." "Blake:" "I'm not blaming myself!" "Relax!" "It wasn't my fault at all." "If anything, it was Beth's fault." "Sitting there the whole time, like, "Uh!" "I'm not a doctor!" "What do I do?"" "Sal:" "Attention, staff..." "I was working in the lab late one" "Owen:" "Hey!" "Come on!" "My monster, from his slab, began to rise, and suddenly, to my surprise, he did the mash." "He did the monster mash." "The monster mash." "Aaah!" "Owen:" "Aaaah." "It was a graveyard smash." "That is all." "Valerie:" "Happy Halloween." "But then again, what's so happy about it?" "For some, it's all about dead people." "Lola:" "Owen." "Owen:" "Aaaaah!" "Go away, ghost Lola, before I call Bill Murray to bust you or the black guy whose name I can't remember." "Gaaah!" "Lola:" "I'm not dead." "No one believes me." "And it's Ernie Hudson." "Owen:" "They don't call you "Lola" in heaven?" "Lola:" "No, the black guy from" ""Ghostbusters"... his name is Ernie Hudson." "Owen:" "If you're not dead, then prove it." "Lola:" "No, I am not peeing on you again." "Owen:" "Either way, I'm gonna find a way to bone you." "Lola:" "You want to bone me even though I'm not alive?" "Owen:" "You are a ghost!" "I knew it!" "Gaaaah!" "Hey, Dr. Maestro." "Owen:" "Lola's a ghost!" "Look, I know it's a children's hospital, but it's" "Halloween, and the real hospital is packed." "Okay, what do you got?" "Okay, a sorority party bus flipped over, so I got a sexy" "French maid, sexy schoolgirl, sexy cop, sexy Alice in wonderland, sexy nurse, sexy stripper, Chewbacca, sexy hot dog, sexy homeless person, and a sexy section of drywall." "Okay, "drywall." Got it." "Sexy handicapped doctor." "I'd like to show her my sexy costume." "Ew." "Wh..." "Oh." "No, I just really want to show her my sexy costume." "Not kill her." "[ Laughs ]" "Whatever." "Owen:" "I really want to have sex with Lola, but she's a ghost, so the only way for me to do that is to cross over to the spirit realm and find her." "You got to flatline me." "Valerie:" "Owen, this isn't gonna work." "It's not the movies." "Owen:" "Hurry up and kill me, flame, before I change my mind." "Valerie:" "How do I know when to shock you back to life?" "Owen:" "You got a cellphone?" "Let's set an alarm." "Valerie:" "All right." "Owen: 10 minutes." "That'll give me more than enough time to find her and make love to her several times." "I'm fast." "But I reset quickly..." "it's one of my things." "Valerie:" "Great." "Owen:" "One more thing." "When I'm under, no peeking at my wiener, okay?" "[ Defibrillator charges up ]" "If you do peek, I'll tell you, it's intense, so don't look directly into its ey..." "Aaah!" "[ Flatline ]" "Am I dead?" "Did I flatline?" "Sal:" "Attention, staff..." "At 4:00 P.M., we will all gather *** to listen to President Roosevelt's update on the war." "Everyone is welcome, except Japs." "Owen:" "Roosevelt?" "Japs?" "I didn't die." "I time-traveled to 1987." "Lola hasn't even been born yet." "I can show these people modern medicine and get totally laid." "Excuse me, black-and-white lady... shh!" "It's mulatto, and no one's supposed to know that." "If they find out I have a white mother, they'll kick me out of nursing school." "Owen:" "Excuse mei' doctor." "Owen:" "Okay." "We need to get on the Internet." "Do you have a laptop?" "Yes." "When I sit down." "[ Thunder crashes ]" "[ Monitor beeping ]" "Valerie:" "Nothing!" "Aaah!" "Please don't hurt me!" "Wait, what are you doing here?" "Owen's looking for you in the spirit world." "Lola:" "I'm not a ghost!" "Valerie:" "Oh, yeah?" "Prove it." "Lola:" "How?" "Valerie:" "Drink this water, and we'll see if it goes right through you." "Lola:" "Done." "Valerie:" "Ha!" "See?" "I told you!" "You're a ghost!" "Lola:" "No, I'm not a ghost." "I just have a really tiny bladder." "Valerie:" "All right." "Well, totally unrelated to the ghost thing, drink the rest while your dummy sings" ""Camptown races." Lola:" "All right." "[ Gurgling melodically ]" "Look at me, chief." "You'll see me in my sexy costume." "Yes, you will." "[ Telephone rings ]" "Blake:" "Childrens." "Have you checked the children?" "Blake:" "It's him again!" "Chief:" "Aah!" "Blake:" "Trace the call!" "Come on!" "Well, that's gonna take about 30 to 45 seconds to figure out if we've checked those children." "Chief:" "Got it!" "It's coming from inside the hospital... the maternity ward!" "Blake: [ gasps ]" "Wait, is this Max?" "Yeah, man." "Have you checked the children 'cause I've been up here for an hour, and nobody's been by to check them." "Blake:" "Yeah, I'll send the chief up." "All right." "Your cold sounds terrible, by the way." "Chief:" "I'm coming, children!" "What the...?" "This isn't the maternity ward." "Max!" "Hello?" "!" "Anyone here?" "!" "It's me... chief!" "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "Aaaaaaah!" "[ Screaming ]" "Murderer!" "[ Grunts ]" "Oh!" "My balls!" "[ Grunting ]" "Aah!" "Bedpans!" "[ Panting ]" "Waaah!" "Aah!" "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "[ Snapping ]" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Hundreds of mousetraps!" "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ooh, ow, ow, ow, ooh, ooh!" "[ Monitor beeping ]" "I just gave you a shot of this new drug penicillin." "It should calm you down." "Or not." "W-we don't know." "It might grow hair." "Owen:" "Listen to me ... I'm not crazy." "I'm from the future, and we don't have much time." "Together, we can save millions of lives." "Look, this proves it... a cellphone from the future!" "[ Gasps ]" "[ Cellphone vibrates ]" "Oh, it just vibrated!" "Owen:" "Oh, no." "Well, I am off to buy a hot dog in the late edition for a nickel." "Take me now!" "I want to know how they make whoopee in the future, spaceman!" "Sal:" "Attention, hospital staff... the food in the cafeteria is made of people." "It's made of people." "That is all." "Chief: [ laughs ]" "Okay." "Here we go." "[ Panting ]" "Okay." "Aaaah!" "Aaah!" "What?" "Out of my way, drywall!" "Aah!" "Oh, God." "[ Grunts ]" "[ Panting ]" "Oh, geez Louise." "Aah!" "Oh!" "Whoo!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Aah!" "Glenn:" "Okay, all right, everybody, we've come to a decision on the costume contest." "[ Cheers and applause ]" "Blake:" "Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay." "And the winner is a three-way tie between the sexy French maid, sexy schoolgirl, and little Ernie Hudson." "Chief:" "Got to get away from him!" "And, of course, the only fair way to settle this..." "the stripper pole!" "Glenn:" "Yeah, you wait!" "Chief:" "Got to get away!" "Oh, God!" "Got to get away from him!" "[ Panting ]" "I know!" "I'll shimmy up that pole!" "Glenn:" "No!" "No, wait!" "Chief!" "The pole isn't secure!" "[ All groan ]" "[ Gasps ]" "Chief:" "No!" "Aaaah!" "I'm sorry I tormented you as a teen!" "Oh, no!" "No!" "Chief, it's me, Chet." "Yeah, I wanted to show you my sexy costume." "Chief:" "Oh, my gosh." "Thank God!" "Wait a minute, Chet." "This is your costume?" "I don't think it's very sexy." "No, no." "This is my scary costume." "Chief:" "Oh." "This..." "Is my sexy costume." "Blake:" "Oh, that's nice." "Glenn:" "Oh!" "Folks, we have a winner." "Sexy snake charmer!" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "Chief:" "Boo!" "Come over here!" "Owen:" "Apple, Google, Amazon, eBay." "Okay." "Let's do this." "[ Both smooching ]" "[ Defibrillator charges up ]" "[ Grunts ]" "That was quick." "Valerie:" "Come back!" "Come on!" "I'll get naked!" "Owen:" "Aaaaah!" "Stop zapping me!" "Aah!" "Oh, that hurts!" "Oh!" "Valerie:" "Did you find Lola on the other side?" "Owen:" "I didn't go to the other side." "I went back in time." "[ Gasps ]" "The stock tips!" "Microsoft, Cisco, eBay." "Oh, wait." "Lola:" "Owen." "Owen:" "Aah!" "Ghost Lola!" "Lola:" "I am not a ghost, okay?" "!" "I didn't die!" "Owen:" "But that day, the surgery..." "I saw you!" "[ Flatline ]" "Lola: [ imitating flatline ]" "[ Inhales ]" "[ Continues flatline ]" "I'm just a gifted ventriloquist." "Owen:" "Wait, my phone." "Oh, my God, you guys." "I left my phone in the 1980s." "Do you know at this means?" "Can it be..." "You?" "I waited..." "So long!" "Owen:" "It hasn't been very long for me." "It's been like a minute... oh!" "[ Muffled ] Okay." "Whoa." "But..." "Mmm!" "You taste like vitamins." "Lola:" "That's actually kind of hot." "Valerie:" "Wait till she sees his wiener." "âª It's now the mash âª âª it's now the monster mash âª âª the monster mash âª âª and it's a graveyard smash âª" "âª it's now the mash âª âª it's caught on in a flash âª âª it's now the mash âª âª it's now the monster mash âª" "Chief, I have so many things" "I want to show you." "Chief:" "Like what?" "Just, like, all this stuff." "Chief:" "Oh." "Wow." "Yeah." "'Cause I-I decorated it myself, and I'm pretty proud of it." "Chief:" "You have flair, mister." "I-I guess so." "Chief:" "Yeah." "Is that you?" "That is... as a baby." "Chief:" "Cute, little baby boy in his bath." "That's probably like 1 year old, maybe a little older." "Chief:" "Yeah." "It's nice." "Great." "Well, thanks for showing me your basement." "Thanks for coming by." "Chief:" "I'm coming over here if there's a tornado, okay?" "Definitely." "We can hang out." "Chief:" "All righty." "Let's get back in the hospital." "Good to see you." "Chief:" "See you, Chet!" "All right." "Enjoy your weekend."