"Ten minutes earlier..." "'Dry day." "Liquor won't be sold today.' l'm asking politely..." "Just hand over two bottles of Gulabbo." "Today's a dry day!" "It's Friday." "Who are you?" "Saturday... I'm Saturday... you jerk, open the store!" "And you think I'm Wednesday?" "Now, get lost!" "Hello..." "There's no reason to get angry, brother." "I asked... you refused..." "That's it!" "You are right... 100%%% ln fact, today is a dry day." "Here, take this thousand rupees... give us one bottle, if not two." "As you wish!" "Get lost, you drunk morons!" "Howzzat!" "Last time both of you brawled with the truckers... you destroyed bottles worth a 1000 bucks!" "This old owner had his license revoked." "I'm the new owner... forget the booze, I won't even sell my piss to you!" "MATRU Kl BlJLEE KA MANDOLA" "Matru..." "Why did your dad take a loan from me?" "Not my dad, my grandpa did." "For my education." " How much?" " 150,000." "That would have fetched me 36,500 bottles of Gulabbo!" "If you wanted to become a servant... why did you study law?" "Just to blow up my money?" "!" "To punish you." "Why?" "Am I a thief?" "No..." "You're the Prince of thieves!" "Fellow farmers of Mandola village!" "I know the injustice you suffer." "I share your pain." "Land owners are being forced to turn into labourers... so that a car factory can replace your farm land." "Ever since the factory was proposed... there are no seeds or fertilizers in the market." "And the electricity supply has been reduced to 1 hour." "Instead of wheat, we have bank loans swaying in our fields." "They want us to get buried under our debts... and we have no option but to sell our land." "So they can declare it a Special Economic Zone." "We won't let our farm land be turned into concrete jungles!" "One man alone is the root of this exploitation." "One man..." "Who is that filthy dog?" "Who is that dog?" "Bloody buffoon!" "Speak up!" "Fear not, I'll fix that son of a gun!" "Who is it?" "After whom this village is named..." "Mandola." "Me?" "!" "We have to claim our right... and if we don't get it, we have to fight for it!" "Enemy of the rich." "Friend of the farmers." "Mao Tse Tung." "Mao Tse Tung?" "From China to Haryana?" "Such injustice to my brothers and I'm responsible?" "I'd rather die than do such evil!" "Granted I'm a scoundrel..." "Mandola... idiot... scoundrel." "But why are you behaving like Gandhi's three monkeys?" "Why haven't you fought yet?" "What can we do?" "Sue me... file a complaint... report to the press..." "The police is yours, the law is yours... and the government belongs to your mother!" "Then why don't you organize a procession against me?" "Revolution!" "Lower your bucket ln the well" "Claim the water of every well" "Lower your bucket in the well" "Claim the water of every well" "You're the owner if you own the soil" "He who tills must own the soil" "No big shot can force his wishes lf the sugarcane's mine so are its pieces" "Out plunderer, Out!" "Out!" "We'll not give the seeds" "Yesterday's debt" "Won't be paid today" "Your arms and sticks will no longer work" "Your bullying and hectoring will no longer work" "Let hammers bang" "Let sickles clang" "Out plunderer, Out!" "Out!" "Keep going!" "Now I'll enter the mansion through the back door... come out as Mr. Harphool Singh Mandola... and approve all your demands." "Okay?" "Okay." "Hold on, Harry..." "What happened?" "Smart boy!" "Better?" "Much better." "Come closer!" "What the hell is happening?" "Sir, farmers... from the village." "What do they want?" "Their land." "Your tyranny" "We'll no longer heed" "Our protest" "We'll no longer cede" "Your umbrella we'll hold no longer" "Now your feet the sun will smolder" "He who digs" "Must own the well" "Out plunderer, Out!" "Out!" "Run for your lives!" "Take that!" "Hukum Singh Matru." "The gambler of gamblers!" "Okay boys... see you." "Hold on... one more hand." "No way, the monster will awaken any moment." "So what?" "Now, his dream factory has been flushed down the pot!" "Precisely why he'll wake up and hunt for me." "Look at the time... I'd say times are bad." "Run... there is a storm coming." "Good morning, Mr. Mandola." "So, have I hired you to gamble?" "No, Mr. Mandola." "Then why?" "To drive your car." "There are 50 drivers in the mansion." "Why did I hire you?" "To keep you from having more than four drinks!" "And?" "To control you when you're drunk." "How many drinks did I have last night?" "20 last night and 20 night before." "The other 2?" "You had those in your sleep." "I led a procession against myself?" "Yes, Mr. Mandola." "Did you stop me?" "I did try but you said... 'lt's my factory, it's my land... so why do you care?" "'" "Then I asked you, what about the 6 billion rupee housing project... but you replied, 'To hell with the project!" "'" "Then I reminded you about your daughter's marriage to the Minister's son... you replied... 'that loser is not worth marrying a village pooch'." "And then I said..." "You've said enough." "Pay attention... I've quit drinking from today." "Why?" "So that you and the villagers can't take undue advantage of me." "Get the car out." "The Mercedes or the Bentley?" "Why you...!" "Limousine." "There's no way you can quit drinking." "You bloody buffoon!" "You're in for a long suffering... as long as a limousine!" "Hello Harry..." "Not the answering machine again!" "Where are you?" "Madam Minister has reached." "Inspector, hurry up." "The chopper is here." "Just a minute, brother." "This is the problem with whiskey drinkers... their breath stinks like a goat's behind the next day." "You walk straight." "I'm walking straight!" "Stop acting like kids!" "Here... have some mint." "And drink only as much as you can handle." "Whiskey might give you a hangover... but you don't throw up like these wine drinkers!" "What's wrong with them?" "Food poisoning, madam." "What?" "Remove the handkerchief." "Food poisoning." "What?" "Look at me when you talk." "How can you do this to yourself, Mr. Mandola?" "Three years of hard work down the drain." "All the farmers had agreed." "Clearance by the environment ministry, approval by the standing committee... everything was in place." "I..." "I don't understand this." "The farmers would have signed the agreement... our children would have gotten married... and we would have begun work on your factory." "And who is this Mao Tse Tung?" "Whoever he is, we'll arrest him soon." "The police is investigating, madam." "Your police is throwing up on the streets, drunk out of their wits!" "The last thing I want in my state is the Naxalite movement." "Got it?" "What is this?" "Wheat fields, madam." "And you think I can see fields of eggs?" "Blind am I?" "Your report states that... these fields are barren." "They were barren for the past three years, madam." "But, this year..." "What happened this year?" "It rained... on time." "Peace." "Declaring this land as Special Economic Zone is political suicide." "Mom... why don't we destroy these crops?" "There are many ways of doing that." "Right?" "So sweet!" "What?" "It happened right under your nose and you didn't get a whiff?" "Right under the nose are the lips!" "Your lips are looking hot, babe." "If not for the factory, quit drinking for your daughter's sake." "I've quit... from today." "Really!" "Swear on my life..." "That I can't do." "But you'd gladly have me?" "You're delicious." "A small little gift for you." "If a rat doesn't get caught in the trap the first time... you have to tempt it with twice as much cheese." "We have to double the farmer's compensation." "That means... you'll lose 150 million rupees." "Sorry, darling." "is she Mandola's daughter?" "Yeah..." "Bijlee Mandola." "Fix her onto your well... and your irrigation problems will be solved, for free." "Guruji... greetings." "How many times have I told you... not to go swimming in just vest and shorts." "Well then, what should I take off?" "The-shorts or the vest?" "Bloody male chauvinist piggy..." "The whole village will be fantasizing about you all night!" "You can look... but with love!" "This model is named after me... everything should be perfect." "Or I'll stall the launch." "Did you check the gearbox?" "Yes, madam." "And the logo?" "I'll get it." "Let's go!" "Where?" "You're wanted at the mansion." "Why?" "Your deal's being worked out." "What?" "Wedding..." "Baadal's here?" "And he's got a gift for you." "Baadal!" "I'm coming!" "Baadal!" "Baadal!" "Baadal!" "I'm coming..." "Baadal... where are you?" "Bijlee!" "Here I am!" "Baadal!" "Where are you?" "Bijlee!" "Here I am!" "Baadal..." "Baadal... what is this?" "!" "The Zulu tribe from South Africa." "For you my love." "But why?" "You told me you love African folk music." "Yeah, but... what I meant was... I went to South Africa last month... to inaugurate our new resort." "I bought them on a 30 year lease... and the best thing is, they have no idea." "I love you, Baadal." "I love you too, Bijlee!" "So, you can see a buffalo?" "No." "A pink buffalo." "Harry... it's a typical symptom of Delirium Tremens." "What?" "Your mind is chemically dependent on alcohol." "You quit drinking suddenly, and the panic set in." "This condition causes hallucinations... making you delirious... afraid... so that you start drinking again." "People imagine seeing bats, hippopotamus, demons, aliens, worms..." "You should be happy all you see is a buffalo." "Pink Buffalo." "Gulabbo?" "Gulabbo is a reflection of your fear." "You have to face the buffalo." "Next time, grab her by the horns." "At that very moment, Gulabbo will vanish." "Chikoo... where are you?" "Bye Chikoo..." "I am going to the gym." "Hey Harry!" "Look at you dear..." "What happened?" "Nothing... he saw something." "What did you see?" "A buffalo." "A pink buffalo." "It's not funny, doc." "Pink buffalo!" "Chinky!" "Scrub the floor properly." "I want it spotless." "is the bathroom clean?" "Yes, madam." "Get clean sheets from the mansion." "They are cultured people!" "Who will remove the cobwebs?" "Go get the broom, the long one." "Yes, madam." "About time you got rid of cobwebs inside your head too." "What?" "Cobwebs... clean them." "You're looking like a haunted house." "Why can't you ever get straight to the point?" "And why don't you brush your teeth at night?" "Oh God!" "You and your sense of humour." "Mulchand." "What's for lunch?" "Mincemeat." "Why are you making mincemeat of your life?" "You tell me?" "Why?" "Because you suffer from the Meena Kumari complex." "Who is Meena Kumari?" "The kids of today!" "Superstar of yore..." "tragedy queen..." "She was gorgeous." "A poetess... but she found joy only in sorrow." "Deep down you're a sad soul yourself." "How?" "Because you're marrying a moron and you're okay with it." "Shut up." "I genuinely love him." "I've known Baadal since college... been 5 years now." "I've known you for 20 years now." "Since you were this little." "I used to drop you to school on a moped." "So?" "So, I know." "What?" "You don't love him." "Ya!" "Because... I love you!" "Marry me!" "Marry you?" "No way!" "Baadal has businesses all over the world." "A house in every city." "Do you know that?" "Of course!" "We've funded all of it." "is that so?" "His mother has been in power for 20 long years." "She's been sucking us dry... and we've been letting her." "In complete silence." "The farmers love their land like their mother." "And setting up a factory on their land against their wishes... is not acceptable to my government." "But the land is... barren, madam." "And no farmer has paid any installment of his loan... in the past three years." "We don't even have electricity!" "We were promised 8 hours of electricity... but we get one hour." "While our crops dry and wither away... our quota of electricity is used to light up the malls in the cities!" "Uncle, we will increase your compensation." "850 was the rate decided earlier... we'll make it 900." "You'll buy it for 900 and sell it to Mandola for 5000!" "And he, in turn will sell the apartments at a rate of 18,000!" "Okay, you fix the price." "Tell me." "We need to ask." "Whom?" "Mao." "Oh my!" "Who is Mao?" "A friend of the farmers." "Are your banks open tomorrow?" "Why don't you read it aloud?" "What does it say?" "It's a bank notice." "We have to repay the loans..." "'REPAY within THREE DAYS' or they'll seize our land." "I warned you that... we should take what we get." "What does Mao have to say now?" "He's left us nowhere!" "We're ruined!" "Fellow farmers..." "Don't lose hope..." "We'll fight fire with fire..." "We'll strike the oppressors with our hammer and cut them with our sickle!" "We'll resolve this at midnight." "The red flag is Mao's symbol... assemble where you find it." "Your friend, Mao." "Okay..." "Knock, knock..." "Who's there?" "Repeat." "Repeat who?" "Who... who... who..." "God!" "Stop it now, Baadal." "Come on, Bijlee, he's so cute." "Baadal, one more." "Okay... knock, knock." "Hukum Singh!" "Mr. Mandola?" "Do you see a buffalo behind me?" "Yes." "A pink buffalo?" "Dark pink, Mr. Mandola." "You've quit drinking." "That's why the damn buffalo's stalking me." "She's coming your way." "The pink buffalo?" "The dark pink buffalo." "What's wrong?" "Nothing..." "I thought it's the..." "What?" "Buffalo..." "The pink buffalo." "It's not funny, Harry." "Do I look like a buffalo to you?" "When the heart beats like a bull, every girl looks like a buffalo, my dear." "Girl?" "You just called me a girl!" "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Idiot!" "Idiot who?" "The idiot who is looking at me." "You're funny!" "Uncle, you're so funny!" "You've got a funny sense of humour!" "How can you spend your life with this moron?" "Idiot has no sense of decency." "And you... you have no sense of drinking!" "No more drinks for him." "No more drinks for me." "Bijlee..." "Lock up all bottles in my cupboard." "Hurry up!" "What are you doing, Bijlee?" "We've got guests." "Drinks anybody?" "Bar is getting closed and the food is laid." "One last, one fast." "Every bottle!" "One, one last" "Just one more, please..." "No!" "No more." "A small one?" "Do you understand English?" "Yes, I do... I don't think so." "No more." "I'll quit drinking day after tomorrow... I'll quit drinking day after tomorrow..." "Can you hear me?" "Fine, I'll quit from tomorrow." "Give me a bottle of beer..." "Bijlee..." "All the things I did for you..." "Dad... I want to study in Delhi."" "Sure, apple of my eye." "I want to go to Oxford..." "London to study..." "Darling, I'd even send you to the moon!" "You know... it's because of you that I didn't marry again." "And you won't give me two bottles of beer!" "Bijlee!" "Two bottles of beer, please." "You know... I kept away from you because of your drinking!" "And you didn't marry again because... after mom passed away, no woman would've put up with you." "Why?" "This is why." "Everyone knew that you have two personalities." "One sober... and the other drunk." "My child... even if I mention alcohol tomorrow... you can cut off my tongue." "But today..." "Okay." "Move your hand away..." "What?" "There's a lizard..." "Dad..." "Baadal... don't let dad get away." "Here..." "Matru, catch!" "After him!" "Matru, you bloody buffoon..." "Matru, let's go!" "Hurry up!" "We'll open the bottle, once we are out." "Knock knock..." "Who's there?" "Mao." "I know where Mao is." "We lost those idiots!" "My throat is parched." "You ride, I'll drink." "Stop, I'll ride." "Unless you stop, I can't ride." "Unless you ride, I can't stop." "Stop!" "Ride!" "Stop..." "Ride..." "Stop!" "You stupid well!" "Move out of my sight!" "You broke my bottle!" "Gulabbo..." "Where will I get another at this hour?" "Speak up!" "Are you mute?" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Have you lost it?" "This stupid well blocks my path every day." "He has to move from there." "I'll talk to him." "Listen carefully, Mr. Well..." "He is talking sense." "Children walk to school, women go to the fields... anybody could run into you and get hurt." "Because you are in an accident prone area." "You have to move out of the way." "Listen, Mr. Well... your self-respect is in your own hands." "Step aside or I'll drag you out of the village!" "Did you hear, you jerk!" "He is calling me a jerk!" "How dare you called him a jerk?" "You bloody buffoon!" "Now he is abusing me!" "Let's drag him away!" "Where are you taking him?" "To the dyers!" "The splashing paint will make the water dirty... and everyone will fall ill." "Near the bullock cart?" "Sounds good, let's do it." "Pull... harder... with all your energy!" "Come on, Harry... come on!" "Come on!" "What the" "Give me a hand and pull!" "Come on, Matru!" "Let's pull it together." "Let's pull it!" "Pull harder... it's moving... keep pulling..." "Keep pulling... lt's moving!" "Keep pulling..." "We're almost there..." "We made it." "That's enough!" "We've made it!" "Now that's a job well done!" "Matru..." "Get some Gulabbo..." "From where?" "The liquor shop." "No Gulabbo there." "Then where?" "In the aeroplane." "Don't you remember?" "We hid a few bottles in it." "Matru, my dear..." "You bloody buffoon, my friend!" "Give me a kiss." "Today you want a kiss, tomorrow you'll want to marry me." "I'm not really who I seem to be." "You wait and watch." "First, I will give the land back to the farmers." "Then, I'll get both of you married and go on a pilgrimage." "Hey Ram..." "Who both?" "Bijlee and you." "I won't let her marry that dimwit." "I don't want to get married." "Why not?" "is Bijlee ugly?" "No." "is she mad... illiterate... sick?" "is she not suitable..." "or is she a man?" "She is your daughter." "What?" "I've seen both of you since you were kids... what a lovely pair you make." "You're like Mukesh and Nita Ambani." "Have you lost it?" "I don't want to be Mukesh Ambani." "Then become his brother, Anil Ambani." "A servant can never become an Ambani." "I'm leaving." "Where you off to?" "How about a night walk in the plane?" "Sit." "You are right." "Once you marry Bijlee, Ambani will be your servant and you his master." "I'd much rather be a slave." "So you won't?" "No." "Think about it." "Thought about it." "I'd rather die than have you as my father-in-law!" "Fine!" "Then prepare to die with your never-to-be father-in-law." "Harry, what are you doing?" "Harry..." "We're going on a night walk." "This isn't a joke!" "Stop!" "The night walk will be fun..." "Harry, are you crazy?" "We'll die!" "Are you ready to marry?" "No." "Then die!" "Please forgive me..." "Forgive you?" "You fool!" "Your daughter, your buffalo, your car... trousers, shoes, shirt, watch..." "I'll marry all of them!" "Thank you, Almighty God." "Thank you." "Now let's go down." "Damn!" "So many switches!" "What is it?" "I know how to take off but I don't know how to land." "Don't worry!" "There are some parachutes at the back." "In case of an emergency... strap on the parachute and fasten the buckles." "Do remember to open the parachute upon jumping." "If it opens, you're lucky!" "If it doesn't, well..." "you've had it!" "Matru... grab the controls." "I'll have a sip... one for the road." "Whoa!" "You're crazy, Harry!" "This is no time for a drink." "Jump, you idiot!" "You got a light?" "Fire!" "Fire?" "Then give it to me." "The engine is on fire!" "Jump, will you!" "Hang on!" "Let me light up my cigar." "Where are you going?" "Harry!" "Harry, get inside!" "Harry, for the last time, are you jumping or not?" "Smoking kills..." "Then die!" "Matru..." "God have mercy!" "Gulabbo have mercy!" "Matru, my luck held!" "My parachute opened." "It's past midnight." "Where is Mao?" "Look... there he is!" "Look!" "Mao!" "Mao!" "Mao!" "The court has increased the loan repayment time to 3 months!" "Mao... this way..." "Careful Mr. Mao..." "Ni hao, Mao." "Huanying..." "Mandola village." "Ni hao, Mao!" "Hello morons!" "Matru?" "You are Mao?" "Yes." "Until we get our land back... this should remain a secret." "The red flag is Mao's symbol... I want that son-of-a-gun Mao alive!" "Mandola's peasants!" "Mao offers his red salute!" "Mao is a cross-dresser?" "Mao speaks through me." "You scoundrel... don't you have any shame?" "Why don't you show yourself, Mao?" "I will, when the time is right!" "I will, when the time is right!" "Danger is lurking around." "The enemy is very... ls very what?" "stab me in the back... knife..." "Got it." "That's him." "The enemy wants to ruin your mama's pudding." "Before he can do that, we must ruin his mama's pudding." "You hear me?" "Just repeat what I'm saying, you jerk!" "Repeat what I'm saying, you jerks!" "Say it!" "Mama's pudding!" "Naseeban, you moron!" "Naseeban, you mo" "What did you say?" "Are you calling me a moron?" "I'm leaving..." "Naseeban..." "Sorry..." "Please, come back!" "Just repeat after me..." "That's what I'm doing..." "Mao has got a stay order from the court." "And he gives you his word... that our crops will sell at the rates we want." "Let's hear it for Mao!" "The court has given us three months." "But in three weeks we'll harvest our crops... and repay all our debts." "We won't let them build a factory on our farms." "A UFO crashed in Mandola village last night." "This has led to hysteria amongst the nation's scientists." "Senior researchers from the Indian Space Research Organization... are here to investigate the crash site." "Fortunately, there was moisture in the fields... otherwise the explosion would have caused a fire." "What's shocking is... not a single fragment of the UFO... has been found at the crash site." "Shocking!" "The precinct was up all night clearing the rubble." "Shocking!" "Nainsukh is the only eyewitness to the crash." "Kindly tell our audience what happened last night." "Loose motions..." "Loose motions?" "Last night I had chicken for dinner... and that filthy chicken was clucking away to glory inside my tummy." "Chicken clucking in the tummy!" "Incredible..." "And then...?" "I ran to the fields barely able to control my motions..." "And crapped for two hours straight!" "Crapped for two hours straight!" "Wow!" "But..." "What about the UFO?" "I was done crapping and was pulling up my underwear... when a mighty gust of wind blew my underwear away." "Tell us, did you see the UFO with your own eyes?" "Are you blind?" "You idiot!" "Can't you see that I can't see?" "Where's your camera?" "Why do you want that?" "Careful, it might break." "Step aside you jerk!" "I have a humble request to the viewers... if anybody finds my underwear... red colour, vip brand with 5 holes." "2 in the front and 3 at the back!" "Please return them to me." "Don't wear them." "Now you know?" "What sets you apart from Rahul?" "Or Varun?" "Or Jyotiraditya, Sachin and Milind?" "They are all responsible kids." "They don't go around risking their life." "And that's why their parents are happy and prosperous." "What are you doing, you bitch!" "That's no way to speak to your fiancee." "Sorry..." "What are you doing, darling?" " Bijlee..." " Babe!" "I'm sorry... come back!" "Mom..." "Why is she marrying you?" "For love." "And her father?" "For land..." "And we?" "For power." "Mom!" "It's not about love or power... not farmers or their land... or about villages, towns and cities." "What's at stake here, is the nation." "A nation is made up of its people." "People, the masses." "And the masses have no identity." "It's their leader who gives them an identity." "My character is the character of my leader." "and thus the character of my nation." "When I was spiritual, the nation was Buddha." "When I was sensual, King Mihirkula." "When I was weak, Alexander and when I was divided, Babur." "When I traded, the nation became a slave." "And my rebellion led to freedom." "Freedom led to greed... greed to corruption, corruption to wealth... wealth to success, success to progress!" "Progress!" "So, tell me... why are you really getting married to Mandola's daughter?" "Progress..." "For the country's progress." "For the country to progress, my personal progress is necessary!" "If we get a rate of 1500 rupees..." "What does it add up to?" "3 and a half million." "Deduct labour charges and transport." "Even after repaying the loan, every family will save 50,000 rupees." "Matru... thank god you're back... or we would've been doomed." "We would've been doomed." "Chaudhary Devi is performing a ceremony to pray for rains." "So that our crops are destroyed." "[Chanting]" "Nonsense!" "So if its raining in Chennai, do I shift the land there?" "When is it going to rain here, dammit?" "I had warned you... stop the supply of seeds." "But you chose to ignore me." "Now good luck with your ritual and... pray that the crops get destroyed." "Bad news... the MET department says that the monsoon clouds may head this way." "They say, it might rain day after tomorrow." "Even the gods can't make it rain now." "Now what?" "I don't know." "Atrazine..." "What?" "!" "cia's secret formula... a herbicide." "Spray a little bit and the pests are destroyed but... spray just a little bit more and the crops get destroyed." "And the land remains barren... for years." "I hope you are not angry anymore." "Scared, aren't you?" "About the marriage." "Hmm..." "Don't worry." "This time nothing will come in the way of our marriage." "Really?" "Tomorrow morning the crops and land will be destroyed." "It'll happen tonight." "What?" "Operation Mao Mao." "Mao Mao..." "Have you seen Matru?" "Matru!" "Matru!" "Matru!" "Up here!" "What's wrong?" "Why are you yelling like crazy?" "I finally know..." "What?" "That I have it." "Have what?" "I... I have the Meena Kumari complex." "It's exactly 2300 hours." "And we will strike precisely at zero hours." "is that clear?" "Sir!" "This operation will be called..." "Mao Mao." "Check it properly." "Sir!" "At ease!" "Every commander will have 25 soldiers in his unit." "You will lead from the north... you from the south." "Sir!" " You from the west." " Sir!" "And I from the east." "Copy that?" "Copy!" "Good." "The code for danger is Mao." "And the code for danger averted is-- Where is it?" "!" "The code for danger averted is Mao Mao." "All the best for the operation!" "Rain drops are falling on my head... falling... on my head?" "!" "Rain drops are falling on my head..." "Smells like cow dung." "A buffalo in the sky?" "Hello..." "Team A reporting Mao." "This is team B reporting Mao Mao." "Team A reporting Mao." "Mao Mao." "Not Mao Mao." "I say Mao." "You hear Mao Mao." "Not Mao Mao, Mao." "Mao!" "Who's there?" "Mao or Mao Mao?" "!" "Shokeen?" "Dahiya?" "Hello, this is Team B reporting..." "M-A-O..." "M-A-O Mao Mao." "Now listen to me carefully." "Take cover and no movement till my next order." "Copy!" "Sit down!" "Sit down!" "Lie low..." "Lie low..." "Sit down you idiot!" "Copy copy!" "Mao..." "Mao..." "Fire!" "Yo mama's pudding!" "This is good grain, Patwari... brilliant!" "1000 rupees." "That's it?" "Come on guys, you can do better than that." "1200 rupees." "1400 rupees." "1500 rupees." "1500... 1500 going once..." "Patwari... 1500 rupees?" "1500 going once... 1500 going twice" "Hold on!" "There is an order to not buy grain from Mandola village." "What?" "Yeah!" "Get rid of this rubbish." "Let's check the next lot." "What happened?" "Your grain failed the quality control test." "What?" "You were quite excited when you saw it this morning... ln the morning, they didn't know the name of your village." "Tell Mao to get a stay order from the court." "Let's go!" "Matru..." "They have got our grains rejected in all the markets." "We can't sell our grains anywhere." "What can we do now?" "She is in a board meeting, and I can't disturb her right now." "Okay." "I'll wait." "Hukka!" "This is a surprise!" "So good to see you." "I can't believe you are still alive, you dog!" "Well so are you, you witch!" "So... when's that revolution of yours coming?" "As soon as you buy the grains." "There is a system for that, Hukka." "System... in this country?" "Kiddo, there you are." "Look at this e-mail, listen..." "The Australians are getting really impatient." "We have to" "Who's smoking a cigarette?" "It's a beedi, actually." "Hukum." "JN University..." "Hukum?" "Hukka!" "When's that revolution of yours coming?" "Actually, she has told me a lot about you guys." " Except that I never" " Percy Shroff, my husband!" "Oh yeah!" "Hello!" "So you were saying..." "Yeah..." "Until there is a middle man in the system..." "Yeah right I understand-- Middle man." "Sure, I understand." "I'll go." "Hey, I didn't mean that!" "Coffee?" "Kamini... 300 families will lose their land and livelihood." "Somebody has to do something." "We have an urgent delivery to Australia." "If you could arrange the delivery in the next 5 days then..." "We have a deal." "Should I say thanks?" "Why not?" "!" "I need an advance." "You commie bastard!" "You bourgeois bitch!" "Stop this racket!" "Stop!" "What's with this racket!" "The first installment of our loan." "And in 10 days you will get the last too." "Here... have some sweets." "What happened to the music?" "Every time I see these hideous crops in this green wasteland... my dream stings my eyes." "My dream of... gigantic earth movers... bulldozers, stone crushers... industrial cranes... dry cement floating in the air." "Thousands of labourers toiling away." "Smoke spewing factories... howling furnaces... and bellowing chimneys." "On one side, a housing project for the workers." "And on the other... gleaming, high, twin shopping malls." "Do you see the film posters on the billboards of the multiplex?" "I see them!" "With one hand we're paying money to the factory workers... and taking it back with the other at the shopping malls." "The serpentine smoke rising from the factory chimneys is... painting our destiny on the canvas of the evening sky." "Mandola's..." "Harry!" "This isn't a dream." "This is the mother of all dreams!" "I can do anything to make this dream come true." "Anything?" "Anything." "Such as?" "Go on Harry, why did you stop?" "Tell me..." "What can you do to make this dream come true?" "Say it..." "Please!" "I will give up alcohol." "Forever?" "Yes!" "You swear on Bijlee?" "I swear on Bijlee!" "Harry, it's raining!" "Everything is washed out." "Ruined!" "Rush to Chaudhari's farm, he must be alone." "All of you meet me at the warehouse... the harvest is there, rain water shouldn't leak in." "Hurry up!" "Wow!" "Bijlee!" "This is not the time to lose hope." "It's time to keep the fire burning inside you!" "A prayer from the heart, always comes true." "This isn't just rain, but showers of blessings." "Thank god!" "Remember..." "Unless we concede defeat, they cannot win!" "They have no way out." "Shokeen, prepare the acquisition papers." "Farmers all over the country are with us." "Tomorrow, we will march all the way to Delhi." "New Delhi, the seat of power, is within reach!" "Cheers!" "Lalbihari!" "Patwari!" "I, Lal Bihari Sarohi, son of Babu Lal Sarohi, resident of Mandola... have freely and without encumbrance, handed over my land to the state government." "I accept the compensation given in return for this." "Generally I'm not so corrupt... you know that." "I'm doing this for love." "Not for you!" "For the love of Baadal." "Also my son-in-law." "Not yet." "There's many a slip, between cup and lip." "On the day of the marriage, give your daughter... and take the signature." " Call the PM's office!" " Yes, Madam." "Guess who told the villagers about Operation Mao Mao?" "Who?" "The fan?" "The bulb?" "What are you saying, mom?" "Tube light?" "Bijlee!" "I will kill the" "Shhh..!" "Silly boy... lf you kill her, who will you marry?" "And anything is possible after marriage... anything!" "Our progress depends on Mandola's property... and Mandola's property depends on this marriage." "Therefore, nothing should stop this marriage." "And nothing will." "I promise!" "What will you do?" "In Delhi?" "I'll work for the community, teach at the University." "Don't you care about me?" "Nope." "Do you have a girlfriend?" "In Delhi?" "Do you?" "Yeah." "What's her name?" "Sheila Dikshit, the Chief Minister." "Listen!" "There is something I have to say... I have... I've started brushing my teeth at night." "I don't have the heart to watch the factory replace our farms." "Once you get married your mother-in-law will sign the papers... and declare the farms a Special Economic Zone." "What if there is no marriage?" "Matru!" "We love you!" "Daddy..." "Which one of these should I wear this evening?" "This or this?" "As you wish, you'll still look the same." "Fine, I'll ask Bijlee." "Bijlee!" "Matru!" "I'm scared..." "What do I do?" "Tell you what... don't be scared." "Be serious." "Are we doing the right thing?" "Fair is foul and foul is fair." "Hover through the fog and filthy air." "Excuse me!" "Yes?" "Have you seen Bijlee?" "Yeah!" "Where?" "You know the lake inside, she is swimming there." "Thank you... thank you very much." "You are welcome!" "Are you ready for Operation Wedding Night?" "Of course I am." "I'll add sleeping pills to Baadal's glass of milk tonight." "And I'll make sure he has the milk." "Before he can even touch me, he'll drop unconscious!" "Great!" "Making the guards unconscious will be my responsibility." "As soon as I get the signal... I'll take out the knife... hidden under the bed... and cut Baadal's heart into a million pieces." "And I'll place the knife in the hands of an unconscious guard." "Then I'll scream!" "Murder..." "Murder..." "Murder..." "The guards will be accused of the murder!" "And I'll be yours forever." "That's Bijlee's voice, right?" "Why are you crying?" "And why is she laughing?" "You're like thunder in the sky, you blow my fuse away!" "is it an electrician?" "I didn't send him." "Then one day we'll get rid off his evil mother... and get our hands on her money... get married and sail the seven seas." "Sail the seven seas!" "My Lady Macbeth, well done!" "Bijlee, somebody will catch us." "Have mercy on me." "For gods' sake, let me go!" "How can I ever leave you even for the sake of god?" "Thank you." "Bijlee!" "Who's inside?" "Nobody." "This 6 foot tall thug is nobody?" "Oh... you're not Baadal?" "What were you doing inside?" "We were reading..." "Shakespeare..." "William." "In the swimming pool?" "I fixed the leaking tap... until the pool could fill up... we thought we'd try, reading Shakespeare under water." "Shakespeare..." "Bastard, do you think I'm a moron?" "is it a crime to read Shakespeare in this country?" "Careful..." "Matru is like a brother to me." "And if he says they were reading Shakespeare... then why don't you believe, that they were just reading Shakespeare!" "Who are you to doubt my fiancee's intentions?" "Her father." "Once when you were a kid, your mother spanked you a lot." "You were playing truant from school to go for a movie." "I didn't talk to her for months after that." "Now I think she was right and I was wrong." "I think I should spank you." "Who am I dreaming these dreams for?" "This lifestyle... this wealth... for whom?" "For me." "Go get dressed." "Matru..." "Matru." "Are you an idiot or a coward?" "Are you blind?" "Or are you diseased?" "I am Mao." "Look what I've found..." "What is it?" "See this!" "Extend your right hand." "Please bring the bride." "Bijlee, are you ready?" "Bijlee!" "Bijlee, where are you?" "Bijlee!" "Bijlee!" "Bijlee!" "Bijlee!" "Bijlee!" "Daddy!" "Cheers daddy!" "I've been stuck in here for an hour..." "Help me out, please." "Sorry..." "What have you done?" "What?" "Oh!" "The booze?" "Now I know why you love alcohol so much." "The truth doesn't seem so bitter when you're drunk." "No pain... no sorrow... lt's so much fun living a lie... thanks to the booze." "Daddy..." "You know, I even thought of committing suicide... then I thought I might as well get married..." "Same thing..." "Never mind..." "Let's go..." "Thank you for coming." "Hello..." "Oh... here..." "Mom!" "Hold this, please." "But..." "Mom, your daughter-in-law is so uncouth." "So sorry I'm late!" " Where should I sit?" " Go there." "There?" "Sit here." "Shift." "But where?" "I'll sit here." "You look handsome tonight!" "Pundit sir... begin the chant or... the factory inauguration" "Sorry!" "I mean the wedding will get delayed." "You bloody buffoon!" "Get started, Pundit sir." "Hukum Singh!" "Who put bottles of liquor all over the house?" "Mao did." "And who is Mao?" "I am." "If your Mao, then I'm Veer Bhagat Singh!" "If you're a hammer, then I'm a sickle." "God to the farmers, Mao." "I grovel at your feet you bloody buffoon!" " Leave this one." " Give it to me!" "You can take one!" "Okay... this one." "No!" "Take the one on your left, you're Mao after all." "But why hide it from me?" "Why didn't you tell me that you're Mao?" "I was... waiting for diesel prices to go up." "Even the radish has shot through the roof." "Your aunt eloped with the watchman." "And my daughter is getting married today." "But the minister has not signed your file yet." "Hurry up." "Place the flowers..." "Please stand for the seven steps." "Yes, okay..." "Bijlee... wake up!" "The steps." "What?" "It's the time for the seven steps!" "Take the flowers." "Get up." " Get up?" " Yes." "Help me." "Careful!" "Not that way..." "Why didn't you say so." " Sorry." " Let's start." "Look sweets!" "No no... don't do that!" "Stop right there." "You bloody buffoon!" "Daddy!" "Stop it!" "You bloody buffoon!" "Daddy..." "My darling..." "Bless me..." "How many steps are complete?" "Only four." "That was close..." "you bloody buffoon!" "Anyway, better late than never." "What happened Mr. Mandola?" "That which shouldn't have happened." "Gulabbo in..." "Harry out." "Just a minute!" "First you sign the file... then we move ahead." "Bloody buffoon!" "Are these real?" "Yes!" "Mom!" "Pen." "You look hot!" "What are you doing, Mr. Mandola?" "I'm playing" "People-Politician!" "Politician-People!" "Alright, give me my pen back." "Stop it!" "Stop it, Mr. Mandola!" "People-Politician!" "Politician-People!" "That is cops and robbers, not People-Politician." "Cops and robbers..." "For the amusement of all gathered here" "This is the tale of a crook" "Lend me your ears" "Here's how it goes" "Politicians of all hues, use all their might" "Walk all over the peasants, pocketing everything in sight" "Sports scams and rail scams" "Cops and ministers, hand in glove Laughing all the way to the bank" "Telecom, airwaves, 3G, how hard it all sank" "That's how it goes" "The tale of a crook" "The swindles and the scams" "Oh how badly it stank" "Madam..." "Mr. Mandola." "You are under arrest." "Come here you jerk!" "Now!" "What do you mean under arrest?" "Section 290 clause 510... consuming alcohol on a dry day and creating nuisance in public." "He is right." "You sellouts!" "Leave him." "Let him go." "Daddy..." "You've shown your true colours, finally." "There are only three steps left, complete them properly." "I don't want to get married." "You are drunk right now." "You can't decide what's right or wrong." "Like your father!" "Daddy!" "You better listen..." "Or else your kids will laugh when they see your wedding video..." "Oh!" "Mom got married in handcuffs." "Come dear." "Your tyranny We'll no longer heed" "Our protest" "We'll no longer cede" "Your tyranny" "We'll no longer heed" "Our protest" "We'll no longer cede" "Your arms and sticks will no longer work" "Your bullying and hectoring will no longer work" "Your arms and sticks will no longer work" "Your bullying and hectoring will no longer work" "Let hammers bang" "Hammers, Hammers, Let sickles clang" "Plunderer, Out!" "Out!" "Plunderer, Out!" "Out!" "He who tills must own the soil" "No big shot can force his wishes lf the sugarcane's mine so are its pieces" "Plunderer, Out!" "Out!" "Plunderer, Out!" "Out!" "The consequences of this will be dire, Harphool Singh Mandola!" "You have no clue who you're messing with... I'll make sure you rot in jail!" "Once you're sober you'll come to me like a sad little puppy." "Get lost, you jerks!" "You scoundrels!" "You called me a sad little puppy?" "Daddy!" "I am such a bad father... I was about to get you married to a beast." "Forgive me, my darling." "Now I'll get you married to a human being." "Come." "Who?" "Who else but you." "Where is that Pundit?" "I'm not a human being... I'm a servant." "So what... I wanted to be a servant's wife, since my childhood." "You fool, you can't marry a servant!" "Why not?" "Does a servant's wife have three udders?" "Or four?" "This man, your father." "He'll have us both killed tomorrow morning." "You get it?" "And why would I do that?" "Because you're drunk right now." "Remember what I said?" "I'm not really who I seem to be." "I swore on Bijlee." "This poison would never go down my throat again." "You failed to notice, Matru!" "The bottle's seal is intact." "I am not drunk." "You bloody buffoon!" "Daddy." "Give me a hug!"