"You know, I am very angry with you." "I didn't say anything until now because we were busy consummating our marriage in the cloak room." "You promised that we would walk down the aisle to "Sympathy for the Devil."" "I took an executive decision." "You don't get to be president of a company that sells rat traps to breweries without being able to think on your feet." "Lyle, that was very important to me." "Let it go, woman." "We're just about to have our first dance." "I am not speaking to you." "Just did." " I mean from here on." " Still doing it." " Starting now." " That counts." " Agh!" "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." "I am your host for this evening, Jack McFarland." "Hello." "And to honor those of you who have traveled so far from Great Britain to be with us here tonight, I'll be translating my remarks into English." "And now... for their first dance as husband and wife..." "And now, for their first donce as husband and wife..." "Please welcome to the fabulous Caesars ballroom..." "Please welcome to the fabulous Caesars bollroom..." "Mr. and Mrs. Lyle Finster." "Mr. and Mrs. Lordy-loo Bumbershoot." "Everyone applauds darling, we're a hit." "Don't you try to make nice with me." "I am furious at you!" "I adore you." "Don't change the subject." "I could swim in your bosom for months." "Keep talking." "I could flop on your flesh for minutes." "Oh, Lyle." "How can I stay mad at you?" "Not when you repeat our wedding vows." "At this point in the evening, we'd like to invite everybody else on to the dance floor, okay?" "Unless your thighs rub together when you walk." "Then, you can sit tight for the cake." " May I cut in?" " Oh, how lovely." "It's so touching that you're wearing Mother's suit on your wedding day." "Well, well, well." "Even at her own wedding, still sad and alone." "Ah, Beverley Leslie." "What a treat." "I'm so glad I put you in the overhead compartment now." "I am so sorry I missed the ceremony." "But tell me this, darling, do they still say "'til death do us part" when the bride is a vampire?" "Darling, it's all right that you missed it." "Probably just as well." "There was some children there, and they get frightened when something your size isn't covered in Muppet fur." " Shall we dance?" " I'd love to." "Hop on my feet." "There you are." "You just drop this bomb on me about kissing someone, then you walk away?" "Did you have a costume change?" "Well...yeah." "It's the reception." "Two different outfits." "I also have a cashmere sweat suit for the casino and a silk robe for running to the ice machine." "Wow, is there any part of the stereotype you don't fit?" " So what happened?" "Start talking." " Nothing, nothing happened." "It was a kiss." "I just feel really guilty about it." "'Cause it was with guy?" " What?" "!" "No." " Oh." "Sorry, it's just" " It's Grace." "You know, I had to ask." "And now the bride and grown would like you to join them in a sacred expression of their undying love." "The Chicken Dance." "Rosie, you like chicken." "Why don't you lead?" "Okay, everybody, just do what I do." "Hit it." "Will!" "Leo!" "How dare you sit out the Chicken Dance?" "There's nothing more insulting to a bride." "Let's go." " So who is she?" " She's no one." "A volunteer with the Red Cross." "Oh, my God, I saw that on "ER." Go on." "We had this party on the last night and-- and we all got a little bit too drunk." "We kissed." "That's all." " That's all?" "Nothing else?" " I swear, nothing." "Oh, good." "I was gonna wear something totally different for the Chicken Dance." "Come on, get your arms up." "It's the Chicken Dance." "Not the Chicken McNugget Dance." " The damn maid of yours is going too fast." " Oh, Lyle, too bad our father isn't alive to see this." " He isn't?" " Oh, damn, I knew there was something I was supposed to tell you." "Okay, everybody, wasn't that fun?" "Go back to your seats." "Got a special treat for everyone." "Shrimp cocktail." " Oh, I love shrimp cocktail." " You get cantaloupe." "Karen, did you talk to Lyle about the music?" "Did you tell him you were pissed?" "'Cause I'd be pissed." "Yes, I told him how I felt." "He invalidated those feelings." "And then I washed down my rage with several vodka martinis and a pill I found on the floor." "I'm fine." "Why are you trying to make something of it?" "!" "Oh, I didn't really care that much." "I just wanted to have a dramatic moment with you." " Well, now you've had it, haven't you?" "!" " I guess I have." "Anyway, that's why I've been all weird about seeing Grace." "You know?" "I miss her so much." "I just got all of this guilt." "Don't let the Southern accent throw ya." "There's a lotta Jew under here." "So you know what you have to do, don't you?" "You have to tell her." "I do?" "I was kinda hoping telling you was kinda the same thing." "Oh, it is, don't get me wrong." "But you still have to do it." "Yeah, I know, I just wish there was a way I could soften the blow a little bit." "How do you think it would look on a cake?" "Ah, it wouldn't work." "She eats faster than she can read." "She eats faster than she can run." "Look, she's gonna be mad at first, but then, she'll get past it." "I mean, it was just a kiss, right?" " Right." " Right." "So don't worry about it." "You'll make it through." "You know, your relationship is strong." "In fact, it's you two that give me hope that love can weather anything." "Well, you and-- and Amy Brenneman." "Yeah, you were kinda bawling through that whole TV Guide piece." "The woman's a poet." "I tell you, this is one gay man who will no longer be judging Amy." "Now go call your wife." "Thanks, man." "I'm really happy I married you and Grace." "Sorry, I'm late." "Did I miss the Chicken Dance?" "Yeah, you did, honey." "We just finished it." "It was a good one too." "Rosie led it." "Damn it!" "You see, Ethan, if you wouldn't have made us wait 'til the end of Psychic Detectives." " You were watching it too." " That's 'cause you got me hooked on it." "Oh, with that one that dy kept seeing the red shoe, that freaked me out for a week." "Okay." "Listen, why don't you stretch your queens, and I'll introduce you in a minute?" "Come on, guys, limber up." "Which one of you guys is not wearing Glow?" "What do you think?" "I put that stuff in your Christmas stocking for nothing?" "Hi." "Hi, there." "I saw you here, and I totally wanna respect your privacy, but I am such a huge fan." " Oh, thank you." " I read everything about you." "You know, People, Us, Star, The Enquirer." "Sometimes I even go online." "I'm sorry, are you saying that the details of my personal life-- the tragedy, the pain, the heartache-- that-- that's entertaining to you?" "Oh!" "God, yes!" "Are you wearing Glow?" "Mmm." "Shrimp." "You know what's the best thing about Vegas?" "You can just toss the tails right on the floor." "Yeah." "That's why they call it Sin City." " Do you remember our wedding, Jack?" " Like it was yesterday." "You were a beautiful bride, Rosie." " You too." " Oh, Rosie." "Promise me, if in five years, we're still single, you'll be my maid." " Shrimp?" " Queer!" "Hello, everyone." "I'm Karen Finster." "God, I hate that name." "I've got a treat for you." "Whoo!" "The hardest working lady in show business." "That's right." "She's an actress." "She's a singer." "She's a dancer." "Oh, my God, she's talking about me." "Oh, my God." "I don't have anything prepared!" "Now I do." "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Miss Jennifer Lopez." "Or as she's known to millions of her fans, "Jen Pez!"" "Hey, everybody." "I slipped on a shrimp tail." "Ethan, please tell me you didn't rip my jeans." "Everybody out of the way." "Out of the way." "Oh, my God, Jennifer Lopez." "I'll worship you in a minute." "I am an accredited nurse who recently gave it up to pursue acting." "Tell me where it hurts." "Oh, God, please tell me it's not the anterior cruxiate ligament." "Okay, it's not." "I can't do my show unless I have two backup dancers." " You can't just do it with one?" " No." " Why?" " Because I need two." " Can't do it with just one?" " No." " Why not one?" " 'Cause it's not two." "Damn it!" "She's got an answer for everything." "So unless somebody here knows every move of my intricately planned choreography, I'm gonna have to cancel and paid in full." "Miss Lopez." "Miss Lopez, I can do it." "I know all the moves" "Miss Lopez, I can do it." "I know all the steps by heart." "Okay, well, can you do this?" "Let me check the butt." "Girl, you're hired!" "Thank you." "It is great to be here at the fabulous Caesars Ballroom." "Oh, before we start, I wanna say hi to one of my old friends, Rosario." "Rosie, are you here?" "Here I am!" "I must have been thinking of a different Rosie." "It's the same one." "Well..." "I changed a lot too." "You know, when Karen asked me to sing at her wedding, I said yes because I believe in love." "I said yes because I believe in the magic that two people can create together." "And I said yes because I get to keep one of the centerpieces." "We love you, Jennifer!" " So I'm gonna do a little number from my new CD." " No!" "Classic J.Lo!" ""Waiting for Tonight"!" "I can't stop myself." "Okay, "Waiting for Tonight" it is." "Like a movie scene In the sweetest dreams" "I pictured us together" "Now I feel your lips On my fingertips" "I have to say is even better" "Than I ever thought It could possibly be" "It's perfect, it's passion It's setting me free" "From all of my sadness, the tears that I've cried" "I have spent all of my life..." "Waiting for tonight" "When you would be here in my arms" "Waiting for tonight" "I've dreamed of this love for so long" "Waiting for tonight" "Thank you." "And congratulations, Karen and Lyle." "And just remember, the secret to a happy marriage is..." "Ah, who am I kidding?" "Thank you." "Good night." "Oh, my God." "That was incrediblble." "Thank you, Jenny from the block." "And I'm not fooled by the rocks you've got." "You wanna come up to my room and watch the Iron Chef?" "It's all about mushrooms tonight." " Okay." "Can I keep the doo rag?" " Oh, yeah, keep it." "Ethan's dead to me." "Jennifer, a lotta people say that we have similar skin tone." "Okay, bye-bye, we'll talk later." "Hey." "Yeah, I don't know, Grace." "I-I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice." "Yeah, I wish we were together too." "We should come here sometime." "This place is amazing." "Yeah, there's a La Salsa here." "Yeah, baby, there's something I need to talk to you about." "What are you smiling about, handsome?" "Well..." "I did that." "He was afraid to call her 'cause they're going through a thing." "And I just said, hey, communicate." "Communication is key." "It's good, right?" "I'm Dr. Will." "You get it?" "It's like a play on Dr. Phil." "Not as interesting when it speaks." "Hello, everyone." "I just want to say how happy I am to be here at the wedding of my only brother, Lyle." "Now, I don't think Karen knows this, but we Finsters have a longstanding family tradition of inviting the brother into the wedding bed." "Now, now, I'm just joking, if you think that's weird." "Show of hands, how many" "Thank you, Marion." "Yes, it was a mistake having you here." "And now I would like to propose a toast to my beautiful bride." "You know, if you tell my wife, I'm gonna deny this, but for me, Karen Walker will always be the one that got away." "From what?" "I would do anything for her." "She has already done so much for me." "Well..." "I love you, honey." "She let me have light beer when she didn't want it." "She's taking a course in salt water taffy pulling, although she didn't want to." "She's well on the way to becoming a registered rugby referee." "And she has agreed to fund my traveling puppet theater, even though she most certainly did not want to." "She took my name when she didn't want to." "She even got married in Vegas without her best friend." "Even though she didn't want to." "Come up here, my darling." "How lucky I am to find a woman who's happy to mortgage her entire personal identity just for me." "I love you, darling." "Would you like to say something?" "I want a divorce." " Hey." "So you talked to her?" " Yeah." "I was completely honest." "Felt good, right?" "See, I knew." "Grace responds to honesty." "She doesn't often use it, but she responds to it." " So what'd she say?" " She never wants to see me again." "What?" "Over a kiss?" "Oh, God, let me talk to her." "Okay, maybe you didn't say it right." "I know how to handle Grace." "I told her I was gay, and we're still friends." "You know, and she was way more into me than she's into you." "Yeah, I didn't really tell you the whole story, Will." "It was--it was more than a kiss." "How much more?" "We slept together." "I-I didn't plan on it." "I-I didn't mean to." "You know, it just-- it just happened." "One time." "Y-You're still gonna talk to her for me, though, right?" "No." "Now you're on your own." "Hey, Leo, did you hear?" "I'm going on tour with J.Lo!" "I think I may have just lost the greatest thing that ever happened to me." "Oh, Leo." "But did you hear?" "I'm going on tour with J.Lo!" "Karen." "Did you hear?" "I'm gonna tour with J.Lo." "Jackie..." "Finney and I are getting a divorce." "Oh, Karen." "But did you hear?" "I'm gonna tour with J.Lo!" "I mean, doesn't anybody care?" "!" "I'm gonna tour with Jennifer Lopez!" " I care!" "Does she need another" " No!"