" Just leg it." " l've got a friggin' baby in there!" "You what?" "Will they give us a pardon for rescuing the governor's wife?" "Rescuing her from what?" "My daughter gets that drop from Ritchie by Friday." "I promise." "Gotta be a well psycho nutter writ that." " lt's rubbish." " You're no gonnae panic?" "£50,000 in debt." "£50,000!" "I'm your wife. ln sickness and in health." "Di, when I was lying on my sickbed, I was not dreaming about having sex with my wife." "All this girl wants is to escape." "You were escaping while Shaz was burning to death." "You didn't stop to save Shaz when you were escaping, did you?" "(Woman) Get moving now!" "Chop chop!" "Come on, ladies!" "Wakey, wakey!" "Let's get moving, now, come on." "Get moving!" "Chop chop!" "Dockley." "Mug shots." "Eh?" "How come you went blonde?" "Get more fun, innit?" " Out." " Oi!" "Get off me!" "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" "I know exactly what you are." "And this is a disconnection notice." "Still, no need for electricity in a tent." "Which is where we'll be living if we don't sort this lot out." " l know it's a mess." " There's months of stuff here." "All this time you've been hiding it, lying to me." "I can't look at you." " lf Dead Pets had worked out." " Dead Pets!" "You stupid fool!" "We've tried it your way." "Now we're going to do it mine." "I must have known you'd let me down." " This is my rainy day money." " Now who's been hiding things?" "You should be thanking God I put a bit by." " What are you doing?" " lf they won't come to us..." "Eh?" "The business is finished!" "I may as well declare myself bankrupt." "You!" "If we can pay the mortgage, we might be able to hang on to the house." "So go and get yourself dressed for business." "Wanted to come back." "That foreign food screwed up me insides." "That's not the only thing that did." "Any of you lot comes the heavy again, they'll be in trouble." "She was the one coming on heavy in Amsterdam." "All done?" "Time hasn't softened any rough edges." "Telltale tit, me tongue might split" "Not if you know what's good for you it won't." "Why should I keep your danglies off the chopping block?" "Get in there." "Go on." "(Sniffs)" " What's that pong?" " Eh?" "Mr Fenner shitting himself." "You listen to me, love." "No one will believe a twisted little slut like you, least of all the new number one." "I saw off Stewart way back." "Well, I know Betts is still here cos l asked." "She's just keeping my seat warm." "I'm your only chance of a sweet life." "If you want it back same as before." "You want to start shagging me again?" "With a bun in the oven?" "Business and pleasure - keep them separate these days." "Just working together, yeah?" "Communicating." "I run the screws, you run the cons." "Between us, we'll get this place sewn up." "You must be well on the ropes this time." "Just think how you'll be otherwise." "Long stretch." "Kid on the way." "F..." "G..." "H..." "H!" "Hey, girls, what about this?" "That's the only sign the screws understand." "You know this one, Mac?" "You look like shit." "Piss off back to your new best mate." "Get some lunch while we sort you out a cell." "Well, well. lf it isn't our very own Ronnie Biggs." "(Women cheer)" "(All hum The Great Escape)" "Who the hell's that?" "It must be Shell Dockley." "We thought you'd floated to the top!" " Shame you didn't lose Fenner!" " All part of the plan." "Thought I'd come back and haunt Bodybag." " Look at you!" " You're having a baby!" "I wanted a souvenir." "Better than a stuffed donkey." "Den!" "Give it up!" " Shaz died, Shell." " Yeah?" "Well, I'm back now, so you can cheer up." "Come here." "She'll be back." "Her poor mother's at death's door." "They're taking turns with the vigil." "Could we not just leave some leaflets?" "No. I don't care what you say." "The personal touch makes all the difference." "Go on." " RJ Hollamby Funeral Services." " Get lost." " See, I told you." " lf at first..." "Go on!" "Big smile." "Lots of eye contact." "RJ Hollamby at your service." "Every funeral tailored to your individual needs." "Oh, thanks." " Might be onto something here." " All that trade just there for the taking." "You should have come up with this months ago." "(Crash)" "Soon be back on top of this place." "Me and you, yeah?" "So, you're the famous Shell Dockley." " Respect." " Who the frig are you?" " Snowball Merriman." " What sort of a name's that?" " l'm an actress." " Yeah?" "What, snuff movies?" "She's the bitch who done Shaz in." "Blew her up." "Well." "That's not very nice, is it..." "Snowball?" "(Fenner) Dockley." "So, you and me." "Do we have a deal?" "Still thinking about it." "Caused a lot of trouble in here, that one." "Bit like you." "She can go pluck her twat." "Us two team up, we could sort her out no problem." "When the end is near, why not let RJ Hollamby Funeral Services help you face that final curtain?" "Steady on with the poetry." "We don't want to offend folk." "The state of my bank account's offending me." "Now, let's get on with it." " Good afternoon." " l have to ask you to leave." " Who are you?" " Margaret Derbyshire." "Chief executive." "You have no permission to be here." "I've had a number of complaints." "The last thing people want to see on the way to visit their dying relatives is you two." "Hawking your coffins like a pair of vultures!" "We're saving them a lot of trouble." "I don't know why you're so prudish about death." " You must see it every day." " l'm not going to argue." "Pack up and go straightaway before I call the police." "We're not breaking the law." "I'll have you know I lock criminals up for a living." "That's enough. I think we should go." "This is embarrassing." "Give them to me." "But she hasn't even looked at them." "Bobby!" "Now look what you've done!" "Five minutes." "I want you off the premises." "That's £150!" "Bobby, get them!" "Oh, Bobby!" "Quick!" "Grab them!" "(Clang echoes loudly)" "(Speech is muffled)" "(Muffled speech)" "(Door slams)" "Our little baby's tucked up nice and safe." "All ready for the weekend." "Your mum thinks you dumped me, Ritchie." "It's got to be hardcore or she'll not take it seriously." "We don't want to give her a heart attack." "Aye, we do." "It'll be a shock when you see what she's done to me." "Don't worry." "Maybe we can send her a...gift." "From the other side. (Laughs)" "Di, it's for you." "Oh, no, not another one." "Listen to this." ""l am going to stick your fat jacksie on a kebab." ""Signed, Gnasher."" "(Giggles)" ""You will get a pointed stick right up your back hole, bitch." "Signed - surprise, surprise" " Gnasher." " Should I be paranoid?" " Don't be daft." "Cheeky little slag, swanning about, nicking my look." "Who does she think she is?" "Me?" "She's clever, though." "You've got to be to put a bomb together." "Clever?" "At least when we escaped we got out of the prison." "Except we left Shaz behind." "So, first thing we do to her is especially for Shaz." "What's that, then?" "It's amazing what can happen with hairspray and a lighter." "Whoosh." " Bloody hell, Babs, steady on!" " Yvonne, I can hear!" " Hey?" " Every word!" "Well, mostly." "That's fantastic!" " lt happened just like that?" " Yes, I suppose it did." " You gotta tell the Julies." " Yvonne." "I just heard Snowball on the phone, talking to your son." "What?" "She's planning to break out again this weekend." "I knew it." "She's got the bloody gun." "I need to ask you something, Babs." " Something big." " Of course." "Can you stay deaf a bit longer?" "What do you mean?" "Perhaps you might hear more." "Find out the details." "I owe you." "You've done me a favour, getting rid of that spiky-haired dyke." "I didn't kill Shaz on purpose." "Still - done a good job." "You got a boyfriend visiting soon?" "I wouldn't want one." "Looking like this." "Eh?" "We sorted out much worse in the clinic in Spain." "No one tell you?" "I'm a trained hair and beauty cosmetician." "Yeah." "Could get you looking nearly as good as me again." "If you want to send your bloke a VO." "Time of the bloody month." " Oh!" " For God's sake, take a painkiller!" "That is disgusting." "What?" " There's nothing." " On the door." " Someone's got it in for you." " lt's Gnasher." " (Laughs) - lt's not funny!" "I'm getting these threats all the time." "If you're really worried, tell security." "So they can have a laugh at me and all?" "You have two choices, Michelle." "You can have a hard time, stuck in solitary on basic, or you can have a lifer's privileges from the start." " Which would you rather?" " No choice there, sir." "Take this away and read it." "If you agree, we can make a compact." "Mr Grayling's taking a big risk with you here, Shell." " l hope you won't let him down." " Don't worry, Mr Fenner." "None of us girls wants Larkhall going private." "Don't be flip, Dockley." "This new incentive scheme isn't a soft touch." "One slip, you don't get a second chance." "Sorry, sir. I won't do nothing to spoil things for my baby." "Put her on the lifers' unit." "All things wise and wonderful" "The Lord God made them all..." "My, you're in fine form today." " Do you think so?" " Yes, I..." "Barbara!" "Do you know how good it is to hear the sound of your voice?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "When?" "I mean, how did it happen?" "It was just muffled noises at first." "I didn't dare to hope." "Then whole snatches of conversation." " And now I can hear my music!" " That's a blessed relief." "Oh, Henry, I feel I've got my life back." "Thank you for not giving up on me." " l know I haven't been easy." " Barbara." "I'm in love with you." "Did you hear me say that?" "Loud and clear, my darling." "Henry, there's just one thing." "No one else must know I'm not still deaf." "( Loud classical)" "Bloody hell, Ju." "Turn that rubbish down, will you?" " Yeah, it's getting on my tits." " Christ." "(Loudly) What are you doing?" "Ju is trying to write a story." "This thing's so loud, she can't concentrate." "(Shouting) I like it loud!" "That's cos you can't hear, love." "It's driving me and Ju potty." "Potty." "Potty." "If you turn it down, I can't feel the vibrations." "You'll feel my bleedin' vibrations in a minute." "(Turns volume up)" "(Fenner) 'Unlock for association will now commence.'" " You know that letter you brought me?" " Aye?" "Keep your ears to the ground." "Try and find out who Gnasher is." "You told us to ignore it the last time." " They've got worse." " You reckon they're serious?" " lt's best if we catch her." " She's a real psycho." "It's got to be worth more than a couple of Mars bars finding out." "Them other two got a pardon what saved your husband's life." "I was only thinking about a box of chocolates." "Yeah." "A Quality Street family box would be enough to risk it." "You'll be risking more if you don't." "See that?" "She's bricking' it." "Past 50, may as well give you a one-way ticket to the scrapheap." "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." "Look what you've done to me." "I ought to get a divorce and leave you with the debts." "Hm." "Wouldn't blame you." "But no. I'm the one to have to bring home the bacon." "Grafting all hours in that godforsaken place." "Here." "What's to stop you coming back to the prison service?" "No." "No, Sylv, I couldn't." "Why not?" "You've done it before." "We need good officers." " l'm 15 years out of touch." " Heaven's sake, what's to learn?" "You watch your back, first one in sticks the kettle on." "Shut your eyes." "This will deep cleanse them pores around the scar tissue." "(Snowball) lt smells really nice." "Just let it soak in." "I've got some lovely stuff here to condition your hair with." "You're so lucky, Snowball." "I'd kill to be natural blonde like you." "Might get a bit hot on your scalp, but don't worry." " That means it's working." " Hm. I'm falling asleep." "Part of the training, to make customers feel relaxed." "You just doze off." "Don't mind me swishing about." "No, Den!" "Don't smoke in here!" "(Screams)" "Jesus Christ." "(Snowball coughing, prisoners clamouring)" "(Shell) Jesus, I'm a bag of nerves." "Give them fags up, Den." "You're dangerous." "I would be, only she keeps saving the bitch." "I'm trying to save you from a life sentence, you stupid twat." "Can't do her for smoking a fag in the wrong place." "Don't ever think you can take the piss out of me, Dockley." "Go get some scissors and cut this frizz off before the screws see it." "(Sobbing)" "Do you want to be on the nonce wing for your own protection?" " We could all dob in for a wig." " l gave you an order!" "All right." "Keep yours on." "Next time they come for you, I won't be there." " Morning." " Morning, guv." "(Man) Morning, sir." "Oh, Mr Grayling." "Can I have a minute?" "Solutions, not problems." "I have a solution to your staffing shortfall." " Go on." " Well, in my opinion, what Larkhall needs is a seasoned officer with a few years under their belt." "Providing they're on board with progressive policy." "My Bobby can be very forward thinking, sir." "Your husband?" "He's served more years behind bars than most cons." "I was hoping for someone a little less near retirement." "But surely that's discrimination, sir." "Like what we're not supposed to do." "He could come in today." "He's ever so keen." "Fine." "OK." "Fix it with my secretary." "Oh, Mr Grayling, thank you." "He'll be over the moon." "You could have phoned." "Give you an opportunity to nag me?" "No. I don't think so." "What if a tabloid offers your toy boy 20 grand to kiss and tell?" " He wasn't a toy boy." " Toy man, then." "Don't worry. I won't get pregnant." "Do you mind?" "Morning, ma'am." "Back to work with a smile." "For double shifts?" "There'll be double the Hollambys on that roster." "My Bobby's got an interview with Mr Grayling today." "He wants to come back to the prison service?" "Mad or what?" "Oh, hold on a minute." "There's something I need to tell you." "I know you all think he's past it." "About Shell Dockley." "Right." "Don't talk to me until I've had some chocolate." "Ow!" "What the...?" "What's the matter?" "I'm taking this to security." "What about Shell Dockley?" "She's back in Larkhall, on the lifers' unit." "I didn't want to tell you over the phone." "But extradition takes ages!" "It seems Dockley's was expedited." "That evil face every working day for the rest of my time." "I wondered if it might help to sit down with her." "With me as your mediator." "Do you want to finish me off for good?" "I want Dockley to understand what she did to you and Bobby." "I want her to feel sorry and bloody well tell you so." "And it might help with your application for the lifer liaison job." "If you still want the extra remuneration?" "Best keep Bobby in the dark about this till later." "I'll put you on reception till lunch time." "(Shell) Want some company?" "You want a light?" "Do you want a nose job?" "Don't mess with me." "You haven't got much left to mess with." "Even your fairy godmother's got to take a piss sometime." "If Merriman don't leg it soon, she'll go back to Florida half-baked." "Duty calls, Babs." "Come on." "It's got to happen today else I'm going to end up dead." "Look, I can't explain." "Just be ready this afternoon." "Same place." "I've read six union magazines." "He can throw anything at me." "Don't forget the cons are called residents." "And bung in a bit of psychobabble." "Rehabilitation initiative, drugs therapy." "And don't mention discipline." "(Sighs) You really think I've got a chance?" "I think we'll soon be slipping in a weekend to Margate." "Well, here we go." "Bobby." "Good luck." "In my day it was more about punishment than rehabilitation." "But I can see now that prevention is better than cure." "Have you had any previous experience in the female estate?" "Not as such, no." "But I do have two daughters and a wife." "Some of our residents are deeply disturbed because of relationships with men." "How would you cope with say, a woman who continually cuts up?" "It's a problem that takes up a lot of staff time here." "Well, erm... I'd lock them in a padded cell for their own protection." "Mm-hm." "Mind, I'm all for these workshop therapies if it breaks the cycle, especially with the drugs." "But bolts and bars is still our core business." "Offer a con a helping hand and he'll shove it up your back." "I know it's not them and us any more, thank God." "Residents and carers, right?" "What about paperwork?" "Every detail has to be logged now." "Second nature." "Self-employed, see." "Always got a pen in me hand and me head in the books." "Let me be honest with you." "You know the latest buzzwords but I need to believe you're here for the right reasons." "Not just the steady wage and the pension." "I know what the service thinks of us old-timers, Mr Grayling - dinosaurs." "Well... dinosaurs didn't walk this Earth for millions of years without knowing a thing or two." "Only problem is they became extinct." "On your belly." " Dockley for you, ma'am." " Thank you." "Please, take a seat." "That'll be all, Mr Fenner." "I can't turn back the clock but I'm sorry for what I done." "You don't know the half of what you did to us." "You tortured us to within an inch of our lives." "I know what I put you through." "And your poor husband." "I can't sleep thinking about it." " You were laughing." " l was drugged off me box, miss." "That's not an excuse." "I still have flashbacks now." "You'll forgive us if we don't find your remorse very convincing." "I know what I done, miss." "Locking them up, strip-searching them." "Nothing she ain't done to me." "Well, that's what was going on in my muddled-up brain at the time." "Well, excuse me, Dockley, but my Bobby's never laid a finger on you." "And when did I last lock you in a coffin and set fire to you?" "Well, apart from that." "But it's all right, innit?" " He never got burnt." " No thanks to you." "You're lucky we're not pressing charges for attempted murder." "But I'm not putting him through that agony." "You're locked up for life anyway." " Sylvia." " (Sylvia clears throat)" "What matters to me now is turning you into a better person." "If you can forgive and forget, miss." "Mrs Hollamby?" "You won't get no more trouble off me." "That's a promise." "I'm truly sorry, miss." "On the Bible." "You'd better be." "We have the makings of a compact here." "Michelle and I should discuss a sentence plan around the new incentive scheme." "Thank you, ma'am." "Miss, making you dress up as a French maid, serving us charlie off a tray, that was really evil of me." " Much obliged." " You have a lot left to offer." "Believe you me." " l didn't get it." " Come on." "Stop joking." " l'm not joking." " What do you mean?" " l put my heart and soul in." " Oh, I bet you did. 1 10º/." "Only a great lummox could mess this up." "I should never have come in the first place." "They're desperate, Bobby." "You just had to make the right noises." "Mr Hollamby." "Fancy seeing you here." "We was just talking about you." "Your mother's words were," ""Merriman's got a shooter but no pizza deliveries required."" "I repeat. "No pizza deliveries." That's all." "Bye." "You do not want to know what was going on there." " l've learned not to pry." " l shall miss being a criminal." "I hope you won't miss it too much, Barbara." "I've just been out to do a bit of shopping." "You probably think I'm a sexist old pig but, erm... lf it's not your thing, you can trade it for a few phone cards." "You can keep your other ring on." "I know how much Peter meant to you." "Why don't you book it for the day I get out?" "Then we can go off on our honeymoon." " Barbara. lt's only 81 days." " And then we've got a lifetime." "My heart stopped there." "What's she doing back here?" "Put her in a different prison?" "They'd have to build one first." "Not that she'll be any trouble to you down that burger bar." "Sylvia, don't start." "You didn't protect me then, you won't protect me." " Why didn't you fight back?" " Don't dredge that up again." "Look at you." "Call yourself a man?" "You climbed into that coffin meek as a lamb." "Oh, go home and braise some meatballs for me tea." "Do something about those jokers in security." "They won't take me seriously until I'm lying dead with a stake through me heart." "Oh, you haven't been to security over those stupid letters?" "Thank you very much for caring." "I have just had half an hour with Sylvia's husband, telling a desperate man he can't have what he wants." " You didn't turn him down?" " l'd have sacked him in days." "So you didn't fancy him, then?" "We do not discuss our private lives here." "We'd better go out then." "There are things I want to discuss." " Right now." " Don't be ridiculous." "I'll tell you what's ridiculous, Neil." "You hanging around with one-night stands half your age." " l am sick of your jealousy." " You are cheating on our arrangement." "I feel more lonely married than when I was single." "Go and get a shag of your own, then." " You..." " Everything all right?" "Di, I am going to do something about these letters." "I think I'd better take my wife home." "She's a bit..." "Could you ask my secretary to call us a cab, please?" "Better had." "Before I have to call you an ambulance." "I thought Bobby was gonna keel over." "You're a nutter." "Don't tell me you're ready for husband number three." "I think so. I know so." "And I'm sure Peter would give us his blessing." " What about the first one?" " Arthur?" "He'd be turning in his grave." "At least the old bastard done you a favour by getting into it." "You look happy, Babs." "You...happy." " We're wishing we were deaf." " We soon will be." "Classical music blasting out our eardrums." "I wouldn't mind if you could pick out a tune." "Telling Yvonne how much we love your music tapes." "Go careful in case she gets her hearing back." "I don't need my hearing back when I've got the vibrations." "Yvonne, could you ask to have her moved to your cell?" "Share the load, eh?" "What's funny?" " Has she been a right pain?" " We know she can't help it." " We love her to bits but..." " She can be a right..." "Pain in the arse?" "Don't blame Babs." "She kept it up for me." "Who is?" "Just practising." "You all right, love?" "I should take you back to your cell." "You can go wank." "If you read my report, you'd know that pet owners spend billions every year on food, vet's bills, kennels." "And you're telling me that Dead Pets isn't a money-spinner?" "If you don't want to invest in it, I'll take it to the City." " There she is." " Babs!" " Babs..." " Yes, I know." "You're very sorry." " So am I." " l could cut me tongue out." "All them slaggy things we said." "You should hear what the screws say." "I might play the deaf tea girl just a little bit longer." "Here." "What's that rock?" " Henry." " We knew it." "Something else I'd better keep to myself." " One of them would do the trick." " Yeah." "But what we haven't thought about is when we do it, who gets the blame?" "Like, who is Gnasher?" "Buki's back on the wing next week, isn't she?" "We could still have a bit of what we missed in Amsterdam." "Get her to put a show on for us here." "Might be up for it if you make it worth her while." " What's she got to lose?" " Oi, oi, oi." "You don't know what you're dealing with." "I learned the hard way." "But you might have a good idea there." "I really miss you, Shaz, babe." "See you every night." "Dockley, need a word about your sentence plan." "Excuse us." "Mr Fenner wants to give me another incentive." "I just got you a booking for your cabaret act." " l'm pregnant, you sicko." " Didn't stop you in Amsterdam." "Plenty in here would pay a tenner for one off the wrist." "Huh?" "50-50." "We're the only ones saying a prayer for Shaz." "You murdered her." "You don't deserve to live longer than she did." "I'm here to pay my respects." "No one else is." "(Snowball) They don't give a shit." "None of them." "That's what's so crazy." "I killed her but I had nothing against her." "Look at them all." "Even your best friend." "Know what she said to me?" ""You done me a favour, getting rid of that spiky-haired dyke."" " You're lying." " You know I'm not." "It's what they all think." "Denny!" "Denny!" "Denny!" " Den!" " Get Blood down the block." "Everyone else, inside." "(Screams)" " (Screams)" " Back off!" " Go on, back off." " (Den) Get away!" "Jesus!" "You'd better get Den back off the block, Fenner." "I need her on lookout when I'm earning." "Sort it." " ls she up for tonight?" " Not till her sidekick's back off seg." "You get them back and I'll lock up." "Found the missing gun, miss." "Stay cool." "I'm a civilian." "You're driving me to the station." " No way, Merriman." " Six bullets in this gun." "If I use one on you, I'll have to use them all." "Now, move it." " Leave me alone." "Stop it!" " Sorry, Miss Betts." "Get your hands off me." "Remember, I'm an actress." "If you don't play this straight, you'll get it." " So will the guys on the gate." " You have that because of me." "I won't risk anybody else's life." "Oh, Miss Betts." "You haven't signed your guest out." "OK." "One minute." "Thank you." "Yours is the nice sporty number, isn't it?" "Ritchie should recognise it." "Harry?" "Gate, please." "If you want, Di, I can divorce you." "That's not going to give a very good impression." "We agreed to live our separate lives." "Look, Neil." "When you popped the question, I said I wanted companionship and I'm not getting any." "What do you want me to do?" "Sign up for a rota?" "Don't give me an excuse to blow your tits off." "Christ knows what Fenner thought." "We don't argue in my office." " l'm sorry. I'm upset." " Well, so am..." "Oh, my God." "(Coughs)" "(Phone)" "G Wing." "Speaking." " Sylvia, we're one down." " Quick!" "Open up!" "No!" "Bobby!" "Bobby!" "Bobby!" "Bobby!" "No!" "You'll just pile more years on your sentence." "Ritch." "Ten minutes, babes." "Got your old shag to give me a lift." "Actually, I do have a good reason to waste a bullet on you." "Don't I?" "Sylv." "Wake up, Bobby!" "Wake up!" "Wake up!" " Jesus." " l want you on your knees, begging me for a pardon." "Go on." "You beg me to let you live." "(Fenner) 'The old Costa cons." "'Already had fun and games with them on reception.'" "The number of imbeciles, suckers and numbskulls in this place, we should be in bloody clover."