"Want some more." "One more?" "You are a tiger." "Mom, what're you doing?" "You can't have." "Yeah." "You wanna do me now?" "You two are so gross." "Phil is my boo, Kim, so get used to it." "It would be nice if for once I could come down to breakfast in my own kitchen without it being ruined by you and boo." "This is not your kitchen, Kim." "Your kitchen is at 252252" "Gloria Estefan parkway, apartment 12-C." "I gotta hit the showers." "I'm covered with strawberry juice." "Listen, if you wait a couple minutes, i'll be your washcloth." "Copy that." "What?" "You can't take me to get my nails done?" "It's my only day off, Kim, and me and Ginger are touring doggy dacares today." "Isn't that right?" "We gotta find that perfect place for my little Ginger, don't we?" "You know what, lemme talk to her for a sec." "I wanna say hi." "Really?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Hold on." "What'd you guys talk about, Gingy?" "Why didn't you just tell Johnny Dorko that you were allergic to strawberries?" "Because he was so excited he went out and bought these organic strawberries, and one of his big fantasies is to feed strawberries to his lover." "Don't say "lover." You're too old." "Well, that's what we are, Kim." "Lovers in love." "So get used to it." "I mean, how else do you want me to refer to him?" "My ex-boyfriend, who I broke up with?" "Today?" "It's not gonna happen, captain mary negative." " hi, Tina." " We're bffs again." " I forgave her." " I let her forgive me." "I thought you two would make up." "I could feel it in my waters." "I decided kim abandoning me at a bar in south beach without any money so she could hook up with some random guy wasn't, like, the worst thing you could do to a friend." "What happened to your face?" "Nothing personal, but it's making me sick to look at it." "Yeah, her face looks like that because she's so weak and desperate she let Phil feed her strawberries." "Even though she's allergic." "Kim, you know your beeswax." "Why don't you mind it?" "Tina tell me, haven't you ever been so crazy in love with someone that you were willing to be inconvenienced by them to make them happy?" "Yeah." "Once I sold some of my eggs to buy this guy a Playstation." "Those days are over, Kim?" "Yeah, we're going, Speed Dating tonight at Td's to meet rich guys." "That bar at the Courtyard Marriott?" "Didn't you hear me say "rich guys"?" "= 105 =- " Dating "" "Sub VO :" "¤Aka  YaYa¤" "Capture :" "YYeTs.net" "Subs-Addicts' [Sub-Way.fr]" "You can't go speed dating, Kim, re: your marriage to Craig." "Well that's what he gets for choosing that dog over me." "We should go to the mall." "I need a new outfit for tonight." "I am not getting you a new outfit, Kim." "I am not going to support this." "Not." "Kim, that is adorable." "It's very Mariah Carey." "No, you know what?" "Very Miley Cyrus." "So cute." " I'm getting it." " But just one outfit." "I found those jeans with a Lower Rise." "Just one outfit, Kim." "I need pants." "All right, but that's it, Kim, I mean it." "You should come speed dating with me tonight." "No way, jose." "In case you forgot, I am engaged." "To a total stranger." " He is not a stranger." " Yes, he is." "Think about it." "If you didn't tell him a stupid little thing like you're allergic to strawberries, then what's he not telling you?" "Kim." "He tells me everything." "I know that..." "He recently lost a lot of weight." "I know that he's an aquarius." "Loves Barry Manilow." "I don't think there's much more I need to know." "He comes off as a harmless sandwich man, but he could be evil in carnage." "Mom, you've known him what, two months?" "He could try and get you to sign over your life insurance policy and then kill you with antifreeze." "Stop it with all this Phil nonsense, Kim." "It's not working." "Do you have these in a size smaller?" "I'm not gonna let her make me doubt Phil." "I know Phil and he knows me." "Our love is like Tom and Katie's." "Wait, maybe that's not the best example." "I don't know why you say that I don't know Phil." "I don't like how you undermine my relationship Kim." "I won't let you do it." "I'm not." "If I wanted to undermime him, I would talk about his twitch." " What twitch?" " Great." "There's Craig." "Dudes!" "Dudes!" "C'mere, check this out." "What?" "I'm trying to get Ginger into this doggy day-care." "There's part of the interview where they like, abserve her without me being around." "Wait." "No, hey!" "Papito!" "Get out of her mouth!" "Guess what, Craig?" "I'm going on ten dates tonight with rich guys." "Right, mom?" "I don't remember a Twitch." "I would remember if Phil had a Twitch." "I thought he was winking at me." " You're dating." " Maybe." "What about..." "I mean" "That's not traditionally how it's done." "I don't think, right?" "You're not traditionally supposed to fall in love with your dog." "Kimmy, I..." "I don't wanna love on that dog like I wanna love on you." " Don't lick." " You will so see." "Wait." "That Chihuahua's suspect." "Don't." "I am dying for you to see music and lyrics." "Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore just light up the whole screen." "Count me in." "I got a dental appointment at 5:00, and then men's rare orchid club till 7:00." "I'll be there right after that." "Men's rare Orchid club?" "What kind of pervy club is that?" "It's a men's club where we grow rare Orchids." "And talk." "About them." "What, you didn't know?" "Well, I..." "Kim, it..." "Well, it is odd that you didn't tell me." "The reason I didn't tell you was because many people associate men who are interested in rare, delicate, wondrous flowers with being..." "You know." "Stuck-up." "And I was really just waiting for one of them to mature, and I was gonna give it to you." "See, Kim?" "It makes perfect sense to me." "Well, you make perfect sense to me." "In my life." "I got customers." "I mean, big deal." "He didn't tell me that he's in a flower group." " It's no big woo-hoo." " Whatever you say." "All right, stop it." "Stop it, Kim." "I'm not even gonna look at you." "Orchids." "I'm engaged to a stranger." "A a winking, or." "Or twitching stranger." "We're like Renee Zellweger and that Kenny Chesney." "That sure was mysterious." "These guys don't look that rich to me." "They all paid a $15 cover to get in." "Do the math." "Okay, people, so the rules are as follows:" "you sit, talk, and get to know each other for two minutes, okay?" "Gentlemen, start your engines." " How's my hair?" " Not great." " Hi." "My name's Chuck." " What kind of car do you drive?" "A rav4." "Later, Chuck." "You're all tan." "You got a boat?" "Actually, no." "I just work outside a lot." "Are you a professional tennis player?" " A tree trimmer." " Nice." "What kind of car you rollin'in?" "Toyota Avalon." "Never heard of it." "Buh-bye." "Can we go?" "My name's Chuck." "Honey, you're a wizard with a can of cream of mushroom soup." "I have an icebox cake for dessert." " Do you take whipped cream on yours?" " You know I do." "Do i?" "Sugar snap, what's the matter?" "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Nothing's the matter." "I've just been doing a lot of thinking, lately." "About things." " Well, what things?" " Just." "Just things, like..." "When you go to a party, do you:" "A: greet everyone in the room," "B: pick a spot and let them come to you, or C: make sure the host sees you and quietly slip out the back?" "Well, I'm a people person." "I say hi to everybody." "Well, I picked B. It's official." "I am engaged to a total stranger." "Where is all this coming from?" "Why didn't you tell me that you're a rare Orchid nut?" "Well, like I said, I was waiting for one to mature to its full magnificence, then I..." "We share a bar of soap." "We should know everything about each other." "Kath, I don't use Soap." "I use a moisturizing shower gel." " I don't even know you." " This is ridiculous." "You know exactly who I am." "You know the important things." "Do we?" "Do we really, Phil?" "I mean, maybe we are rushing things." "It's not like I haven't done that before." " You have?" " See?" "You didn't even know that." "This is stinking of Kenny and renee." "Who are Kenny and Renee?" "Slow down, Kim." "I'm trying to finish it all before Phil comes down in his robe and I lose my appetite." "Well, Phil won't be coming downstairs this morning." " You broke up?" " We had a fight." "And I don't know the status of our relationship at the moment." "So MYOB, please." " Can I have some coffee, please?" " You look like crap." " I mean that personally." " I haven't been home." "I spent the night in the back of Gary's tree trimming truck." "Well, at least one of us is doing well in the romance department." "Yeah, we're pretty happy." "So." "Come on, Gingy." "Okay." "Here's the bottom line on this deal, okay?" "No more speed dating." "I hate it." "And it does not look good." "And I have been asking around, and none of my other friends'wives go out speed dating." "Everyone agrees, Kim, across the board, okay?" "That it is weird, and potentially harmful to our marriage." "What's the matter?" "You worried someone else might be interested in my junk?" " Your what?" " Ready to give up that dog now?" "There's 20 bucks missing from my wallet." "I took the whole day off so we can hang out today." "Can we go to aqua gardens?" "Wait." "Didn't someone get crabs there?" " Yeah." "It's sketchy." " Yeah, I don't wanna go there." "We can't go there, anyway, bec, they don't let dogs in." " Are you kidding?" " I thought it would be a good chance for you two dudes to get to know each other today, right?" " He only gave me half a number!" " I know how you feel." "Don't worry, Tina." "I got six numbers from six hot guys last night, so I will totally hook you up." "Did not." "You didn't meet anybody." "You weren't even into it." "Interesting." "Know why you didn't meet anybody, Kimmy?" "Because you didn't want to." "Because Ginge or no Ginge, you're still into the little guy." "So do me a favor, Kimmy, and..." "Gimme a call when you wanna come back." "We'll be waiting for you." "Right?" "Right, Gingy?" "C'mon!" "Let's go!" "Later today?" "Let me check my schedule." "You know we're gonna have to go speed dating again tonight." "I mean, the last thing I need is for Craig to be getting some confidence." "Okay, I checked it." "I'm free." "My address is." "Well, I. I don't want to assume that you know anything about me." "All right." "I'll see you later." "So Lame, even for us." "No, it's not." "We've done way Lamer." "Can't this car go any faster?" "Yeah, but I have to turn off the air conditioning, so..." "How's my hair look?" "Kath, you were right." "There is so much that you don't know about me." "For many years, I've tried to remain a man of mystery to the few women that would give me the time of day." "But for you, I'm gonna open up every door." "This is a crash course in Philip Leslie Knight." "Leslie." " It's very debonair." " That's one word for it." "Okay." "Let's get started." "That house." "That's where Phil Knight spent his formative years." " I was born in a bathtub in that house." " A water birth." "So Bohemian." "It was an accident." "I nearly died of infection." "Very little house on the prairie." "That bush back there?" "That's where I had my first kiss." "And right here, Mike "hammerhead" hamlin beat the ever-lovin' crap outta me because it was his girlfriend that I kissed by said bush." "You know what, that's going in the scrapbook." " I wanna get a picture of this." " Yeah, get a picture." "Just get my nose in it." "'cause that's what he hit." "What's happening?" "Why are we slowing down?" "I don't know, but every warning on my dashboard is lit up." "Great." "So what do we do now?" "I gotta call mid-city auto club." "They'll send a tow truck within, like, two to six hours." "Hours?" "More like mid-city stinks club." "That's hysterical." " You were always funny." " I am not missing speed dating." "I have something to prove to my husband." "Well." "What're you gonna do, walk to Sarasota?" "We passed a bus stop over here." " I'm not leaving my car here." " Fine." "Stay here, then." "If you leave me, we're not bffs anymore!" " Fine!" " Fine!" " Later!" " Later!" "See ya!" "And that is where I saw my first female breast." "It was my clarinet teacher's." "She was about 60." "Maybe older." " It resembled a long crocodile." " Geez." " Terrified me." " You poor thing." "I thought they all looked like that." "And I was not having any of it." "But then I walked in on my sister changing out of her Leotard, and old Phil knight was back on board with the ladies, big time!" "Lucky for me." "Listen, after this, we'll go back to my apartment." "I pulled down a bunch of old photo albums from my past." "I've got some classics in there from when I went to the renaissance fair." "I was sir loin." "How awesome is that?" " Sir loin!" " Indeed, m'lady." " I love it." " Such a hoot." "Such good times." "That is where I found out I was allergic to shellfish." " I'm allergic to shellfish." " My god." "Small world." "And to strawberries." "What?" "You're allergic to strawberries?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "That bus ride sucked." "I think that lady had Patchouli on." "Those guys are cute." "Wait, I don't want those guys." "This is stupid." "Craig's my boo." "Phil, we have been sitting here for 2 hours and 27 minutes." "And I will sit here for 2 hours and 27 minutes more until you forgive me." "To think that I felt shame about keeping my orchid club closeted." "That is nothing compared to hiding a strawberry allergy." "Phil, I didn't mean to lie to you." "All I want is to make you happy." "I would get welts every day if you wanted me to." "The first time I saw you in my sandwich shop, wearing your stretch denims and your "touch of class"" "sweatshirt, I thought I knew everything I needed to know, Kath." "I did too, Phil." "And you know, maybe we are moving too fast." "Maybe we are." "Who cares?" "But irregardless, I love you, Phil." "Who cares about the past?" "We have a whole lifetime ahead of us." "You're so right." "And in about one minute, i'm gonna make full use of these bucket seats." "And possibly this emergency brake." "You drop it like it's hot, Phil knight." "You two are old enough to know better." "Get movin'." "Geez." "Geez." "And I guess this is the first place we were almost arrested for indecent exposure." "We are bad." "You didn't wanna met anyone else, kimmy, just admit it." "Just admit it." "I met like, a ton of guys tonight." "That is why you called me to drive all the way to Sarasota to come get you, right?" "Which is pretty heroic, if you ask me." "My god." "Why'd you have to bring her?" "I thought it would be a good chance for you guys to get to know each other." "Kimmy, this dog is my best friend." "Okay?" "She got me through a lot of like, bad times." "And I'm not getting rid of her, okay?" "So just give it a chance." "Well, where'm I supposed to sit?" "I mean..." "You did not just look in the bed of your truck." "No, I 100% did not look back there, cause you wouldn't, like, even consider riding there, right?" " Shut up." " Even though it's safe..." "Move over." "This is cute." "Look at this." "The happy family." "Move it." "She loves you." "She wants to be near you." "Look at that!" "You know, Phil says that it's very easy to over-water an Orchid." "He says they like ice cubes." "Isn't that interesting?" "You." "Where's Tina been?" "We're still in a huge fight because I "abandoned" her again." "You know what else I noticed about her?" "Tina doesn't treat people so nice." "Well, she wasn't raised right." "See, now, I raised you with manners." "Phil does have a twitch." "But only sometimes." " Told ya." " And he winks, so it's very tricky." "Team Subs-Addicts'"