"ÿÿ?" "[light, upbeat ukulele] ?" "?" "[man singingEnvy]?" " Lula loves her syrup." " You have enough syrup." "ÿMrs." "Butterworths ÿisn't a squirt bottle." "It's no big deal." "You've had enough." "Mom, these aren't brown enough." "Do you want me to burn them?" "No, but I just want them more brown." "ÿMikey, Mom's not ÿa short order cook." "Eat up now." "ÿÿÿDouble knots?" "ÿÿÿWe never did double knots." "ÿÿÿ" " Sweetie, I can't get it." "ÿÿÿ" " Don't use a fork." "ÿÿÿNo bubbles at the table." "ÿÿÿEat your breakfast first." "She's right, you know, my eggs taste like bubbles now." "Hurry up, honey, you'll be late." "ÿÿÿAll right." "ÿÿThe van needs an inspection ÿÿsticker." "Good luck." "Alrighty." "What's this?" "Look who's hiding." "ÿMr." "Dino..." "ÿand another weird stowaway." "Okay, Nathan, no cereal in my thingie." "ÿÿÿ" " Bye, sweetheart." "ÿÿÿ" " Bye, honey." "Nathan!" "ÿ" " What's that?" "ÿ" " What?" "That." "Maple syrup." "Man!" "Can you believe that comes from a tree?" "ÿÿ" " Don't taste my pants." "ÿÿ" " I can't taste your pants?" "Ever." " Ever?" " No." "Well, don't spill maple syrup on them." "ÿÿÿDoesn't mean ÿÿÿyou have to taste it." "ÿ" " I like maple syrup." "ÿ" " Not from my pants." "I love it." "ÿÿÿHow about this:" "ÿÿÿWhat if you had, ÿÿÿlike, an inkpad... only instead of ink, it was soaked in maple syrup." "Or peppermint." "Any flavor you wanted." "And you just... ÿÿÿ- open up your little pad." "ÿÿÿ" " Right." "And you press your finger on it and then you taste your finger." "ÿÿPeppermint." "Any time of day." "ÿÿOr cherry." "Wouldn't the pad get disgusting after awhile?" "Disgusting how?" "I don't know." "You keep touching it with your filthy fingers." "Couple of days that flavor pad's like some mattress at the dump." "You're right." "It's no good." "ÿ[Nick] Tim." "Did you get your performance chart?" "ÿÿÿOh, yeah." "Well, look at mine." "I don't get it." "Good." "Fair." "Fair." "Good." "Then it falls into the red in the focus department." "ÿÿYou know, Nick, that's because ÿÿyou're a dreamer." "You know?" "I'm not a dreamer." "ÿYou're not the most ÿfocused person." "ÿÿÿYou're a dreamer." "Yeah." "I'm a dreamer?" "ÿÿÿHey, you want to feel ÿÿÿsomething?" "Come here." "Sit in this chair." "Come here." "Okay." "Check this out." "ÿ" " Sit back." "ÿ" " This is some chair." "ÿÿÿ" " Do you like it?" "ÿÿÿ" " Yeah." "ÿÿÿFeel this." "What is that?" "ÿÿ" " Lumbar support." "ÿÿ" " Oh, that is good." "ÿÿIt's made especially ÿÿfor your spine." "ÿÿI like it." "Comes with the office." "And the promotion." "ÿÿ" " Right." "ÿÿ" " Thinking of buying ÿÿa swimming pool?" " What, are you kidding?" " I am." "Thinking bean-shaped." "ÿExpensive." "Bean-shaped?" "ÿÿÿ[whistling]" "Take a look at my performance chart." "ÿLook at your focus." "ÿIt's way up there." "ÿIt's in the yellow." "ÿI'm telling you, you get your ÿfocus even into the orange, ÿjust the orange..." "I guarantee you can have a chair like that." "ÿÿÿ" " Really?" "ÿÿÿ" " And an office like this." "And a piano-shaped pool if that's what you want." "It's all there for you." "All you got to do is focus." "Just work a little harder." "You can get bumped up to sandpaper with me and the world opens up." "ÿÿÿYou know what, man?" "ÿÿÿYou could really sack out ÿÿÿin this thing." "I'm telling you, your numbers aren't that bad." "It's just focus." "ÿIf you put together ÿeverything else, you got a ÿreally strong thing going on." "I think you and I could... ÿ[breathing heavily] ÿNick." "ÿÿ" " Nick!" "ÿÿ- [snorting] ÿÿ" " I got to get back to work." "ÿÿ" " Yeah." "ÿÿÿ" " Good talk." "ÿÿÿ" " Yeah, good talk." " Remember what I said." " Focus." " Just get into orange." " That's all I need." "ÿÿÿDon't even worry ÿÿÿabout yellow, just orange." "Do you ever just watch your hand?" "No." "ÿÿI was just looking ÿÿat my hand today." "It was like a separate thing." "It was... picking up papers." "It tapped on my desk." "It sat in my lap." "ÿÿ[laughing] ÿ" " It's like..." "ÿ" " Sorry." "ÿIt's like a..." "It's like a sidekick." "My little ugly sidekick." "It was very odd." "[in unison] Eww." "[Nick] Oh!" "Oh!" "ÿ- [Tim] What?" "ÿ- [Nick] Oh!" "ÿÿÿ" " What?" "!" "ÿÿÿ" " How about this?" "ÿA spray can, see?" "ÿAnd you spray it on dog poo... and the poo disappears." "ÿ" " Disappears?" "ÿ" " Yes!" "ÿÿÿWhere does it go?" "Who knows?" "But the thing is... you come up with something that gets rid of dog turds, ÿyou are home free, my friend." "ÿHome free." "ÿÿÿ[sighing]" "What?" "Nothing." "Liposuction." "You mean, where they suck the fat out?" "There's a thing about it in here." "ÿYou're fine." "You don't need ÿto get fat sucked out." "If we had a little extra money... ÿÿWe don't have extra money." "ÿÿ" " We have a little." "ÿÿ" " Not to get fat sucked out." "ÿÿÿ[phone rings] ÿHello?" " Timmy, check this out." " What?" "You know that invention of mine that makes turds disappear?" "[sighs] ÿÿI got a name for it." "Vapoorize." "Just like vaporize, ÿonly you add an "o" so you ÿgot "poo" right in the middle." "Yeah, I get it." "ÿÿDo you see ÿÿhow perfect it is?" "ÿÿMaybe even ÿÿunderline the poo." "Va-poo-rize." "ÿÿ" " All right." "ÿÿ- [Nick] Vapoorize." "Goodbye." "ÿÿNick?" "ÿÿ" " What did he want?" "ÿÿ" " Nothing." "[whispers] Vapoorize." "[announcer] Next up, ladies and gentlemen, Nathan Vanderpark." "ÿÿ- [woman] Go ahead, Nathan." "ÿÿ- [Nick] All right." "ÿÿHere we go, Nathan." "ÿÿHere we go." "[groaning] ÿÿÿ[Nick] All right." "ÿÿ- [Natalie] Nice try." "ÿÿ- [Nick] All right, let's..." "Oh!" "Close one." "Oh!" "Come..." "All right." "ÿ" " That's enough." "Hey." "ÿ- [Natalie] Almost." "ÿÿÿWe'll get them next time, ÿÿÿno problem." "ÿ- [Natalie] Good job." "ÿ" " You know Dimitriov ÿin research?" "ÿÿ" " Dimitriov?" "ÿÿ" " Yeah." "Kind of big beard." "Kind of strange." "No." " I told him about my invention." " What invention?" "ÿÿVapoorize!" "ÿNick, you got ÿa cute name, that's it." "ÿIt's not an invention." "ÿIt's an idea." "It's nothing." "Not according to Dimitriov." "He thinks I'm really on to something." "?" "[clumsy harmonica, drumming] ?" " [all] Bravo!" " [Natalie] Good stuff." "ÿ- [Nick] Good job." "ÿ- [Debbie] Good stuff." "[Natalie] You know what?" "I love this tent." "There's not one bug." "Guess what?" "ÿI went over to Dimitriov's." "ÿWe ran some experiments ÿin his sink." "ÿÿHe's having a ball ÿÿwith this thing." "What thing?" "ÿYou didn't tell Debbie?" "No, I didn't." "Go ahead." "This is great." "Check it out." "It's a spray can, okay?" "ÿÿAnd you spray it ÿÿon dog poo... and the poo disappears." "ÿÿÿThat is an awesome ÿÿÿinvention." "I mean, we could sure use it." "ÿIt's not an invention." "ÿIt's nothing." "ÿÿÿI mean, ÿÿÿhow does it work?" "It's a spray can and you spray it on." "ÿÿÿ- [Nick] Exactly." "ÿÿÿ" " Right?" "Yeah, I know." "But what makes it disappear?" "ÿ" " Things don't just disappear." "ÿ" " I don't know." "How does anything work?" "How does electricity work?" "I think it's a great idea." "ÿÿÿSo do I. I think ÿÿÿit's really exciting." "ÿ- [Tim laughs] ÿ" " You're nuts." "Dessert, everybody?" "ÿ" " I'm nuts." "I'm crazy." "ÿ" " You're crazy!" "Hey, I have an invention." "Honey, I have an invention." "ÿÿÿIt's this button you press ÿÿÿand you sprout wings ÿÿÿand you can fly." "You can fly into outer space, to the moon, to Jupiter if you like." "[low chattering] ÿHe's doing so well." "[Tim, whispers] He's not doing anything." "ÿÿÿ" " Does he have any lines?" "ÿÿÿ" " No, honey, he's a tree." "ÿÿÿThree months ÿÿÿof rehearsal." "Dimitriov wants to know if I want to take it to the next level." "ÿFour thousand bucks." "You want ÿto go in with me, 50/50?" "I pray to God you're kidding." "ÿYour invention?" "We've been working with dry ice." "We've got something amazing." "ÿÿÿ" " Wow!" "ÿÿÿ" " Nick, forget it." "No, wait a minute. $2,000." "We have that in our savings." "ÿÿWho knows?" "ÿÿShit doesn't just disappear." "ÿÿHas to go somewhere." "And it's not an invention, it's an idea." "It's a pie in the sky idea." "ÿAnd I'll tell you, ÿas your best friend..." "I think you should just pull out right now." "ÿDon't waste your money." "ÿYou'll regret it." ""Pie in the sky."" "ÿ- [screaming] ÿ- [gasping] ÿÿWhere are the kids?" "ÿÿWhat's happening?" "Honey?" "ÿ[Natalie] I have ÿchampagne glasses, too." "ÿÿÿAll right!" "What's happening?" "[Nick] Okay, let me get it for you." "I'll do everything." "You just stay there and relax and get ready for the big stuff." "ÿÿ- [Nick] We got it." "ÿÿ- [Dimitriov] Okay." "ÿ" " Exciting." "ÿ" " Watch this." "[Nick] I'm so glad you guys are here!" "This is Dimitriov." " Meet our best friends in the universe." " How do you do?" "ÿÿ" " Give Tim the flash, Big D. ÿÿ" " Okay." "ÿÿÿ" " Here, take it." "ÿÿÿ- [Nick] Goggles." "ÿÿShine it right on her, ÿÿbuddy boy." ""Her"?" "ÿÿÿ[Nick] You told me ÿÿÿit would work and it did!" "ÿÿ[Natalie] Did you see that?" "!" "ÿ[Nick] It works." "ÿIt works like a charm." "ÿÿ[Nick and Natalie cheering]" "Did you see that?" "ÿÿÿ[Nick] Get a camera." "ÿÿÿThere's nothing to shoot!" "ÿÿSpray some on my butt ÿÿbecause I shat my pants." "Yeah!" "We are going to be so rich, Dimitriov!" "[cheering]" "[Nick] Vapoorize!" "[laughing] ÿÿ[Natalie] God, ÿÿwe are going to be so rich!" "ÿNo matter what ÿkind of dog you have, face it, they all must do their "business."" "ÿÿÿ[all] Vapoorize!" "ÿÿThat's right!" "ÿÿOne spray:" "Problem solved." "ÿÿÿIs this some kind ÿÿÿof video trick?" "ÿÿÿ[all] No." "It's the miracle spray." "One spray and doggy doo disappears." "ÿÿÿNo fuss, no muss, ÿÿÿno tools, no robot arm... ÿÿ"How do I work it?" "ÿÿI don't know!"" " Too good to be true?" " [all] No!" "ÿVapoorize:" "Because ÿlife is tough enough." "Available at stores everywhere." "ÿÿ?" "[classical piano, ÿÿoffbeat drumming] ?" "[Natalie, Nick, Dimitriov cheer] ÿÿÿ[speaking in Spanish]" "Now's a good time to break the big news." "I have decided to run for Congress." "ÿÿ" " Congress." "ÿÿ" " Um-hmm." "No, I'm serious." "ÿÿYeah." "Not the big Congress, ÿÿof course, the little one." "ÿÿ- "The little one." ÿÿ- "The little one?"" "Yeah." "Actually, it might be the state senate." "I can't remember." "Anyway, I'm super excited because... we are so lucky and we have so, so, so much." "ÿÿÿAnd I feel like we should ÿÿÿgive something back." "ÿÿÿSo, I've decided I'm going ÿÿÿto run for Congress ÿor state senate ÿor whatever." "And my main platform... ÿÿÿis going to be... the environment." "State senate." "ÿEnvironment, ÿlike the whole environment?" "ÿÿÿI believe in all environments ÿÿÿand I'm going to say it." "[clapping] And now for dessert." "ÿFlan!" "[Nick] Oh, flan!" "Oh, boy!" "ÿÿ" " Whoo!" "ÿÿ" " Come on, kids, flan time!" "ÿGet down here, ÿflan's here!" "ÿÿÿFlan, kids!" "Flan!" "ÿÿI love flan." "Do you?" "What is flan?" "My God, you're in for such a treat." "ÿÿ" " You don't know flan?" "ÿÿ" " Eat your flan." "Kids, flan!" "ÿÿ" " Guys, flan's on the table!" "ÿÿ" " Flan!" "Flan!" "Flan!" "ÿÿWhat's flan?" ""Jasper and Amos shine the flashlight into the hole." "ÿ"Staring up at them, ÿtied and gagged, ÿwas Louie the Grouch."" "It's getting exciting, isn't it?" "Boy, that flan was good." "I wish we had flan." "Dad?" "Yeah?" "Why are we getting the itty-bitty pool?" "ÿIt's not a little itty-bitty." "The square one's little itty-bitty." "We're getting the bean-shaped model." "ÿÿÿA little itty-bitty bean." "It's not a little, itty-bitty bean." "ÿÿÿIt's an average ÿÿÿsize bean, Mikey." "And I got news for you." "There are kids in the world who'd walk 50 miles through quicksand just to stick a toe in your pool." "And I got news for you about beans too." "ÿÿSome kids'd eat beans ÿÿbecause they've had nothing ÿÿto eat their whole life, ÿbut leaves and bark and roots." "ÿÿAnd I guarantee you, ÿÿnone of them has ever heard ÿof your big, ÿshow-off flan, or flan or whatever you want to call it that you got to have every night." "Two thousand dollars." "That's all it would've taken." " It's okay, honey." " Dad's just having a meltdown." "Good night." "Sleep tight." " I don't like English muffins." " Eat your cereal." " Try different breakfast foods." " I like pancakes." " Tomorrow we'll have pancakes." " Fine." "I don't want any more cereal." "ÿÿÿEat up, otherwise you don't ÿÿÿget to play with Corky, okay?" "ÿÿÿ" " What?" "ÿÿÿ" " Nothing." "ÿÿWhy are you always ÿÿasking "what"?" " I'm not always asking "what."" " Yes, you are." "It's true, Dad, you are." "ÿÿWell, because I know ÿÿthere's something." " You know exactly what it is." " Then why do you say "nothing"?" "ÿÿÿ" " Corky!" "ÿÿÿ" " Hold Lula's hand, honey." "[Tim groans] ÿÿ" " Corky!" "ÿÿ- [whinnies] ÿÿÿSo beautiful." "Such a great horse, Corky." "Who's a good boy?" "Corky's a sweet and gentle horse and me and the kids love him." "ÿÿÿCorky happens to shit ÿÿÿthe size of a breadbasket in our yard every day when he comes to visit." "What are you doing?" "Oh, nothing." "Nothing at all." "ÿÿI'm just throwing away some more completely useless inventions." "ÿFor chrissakes, Debbie, light?" "ÿLight?" "!" "Come on!" "ÿCome on!" "This was shit." "ÿÿÿYou think Edison would've ÿÿÿlooked up from his desk ÿÿÿat some shit spray?" "Yes." "Yes, I do." "Because, you see, a good invention is a good invention!" "ÿÿI got news for you, sister." "ÿÿEdison ain't looking up." "Sister." "Sister?" "!" "I'm calling you sister." "You should be so lucky to be my sister." "She knows what she's talking about." "Windtalker or whatever her name is." "Do not call her that." "It's Windsong." "Windsong." "My mistake." "Windsong." "ÿÿ[Nick] Knockety, knockety." "ÿÿA-knock, knock, knock." "ÿHow's everybody doing?" "ÿÿÿWhat a day, right?" "My God!" "Can you believe the coffee that makes?" "ÿÿÿI knew you'd love it." "ÿÿÿLet's go, tiger." " [Corky knickers softly]" " Ohh!" "Look who's here, will you please?" "ÿÿÿLook who's here." "ÿÿÿIt's okay, poopie." "ÿHave you been stealing apples ÿagain, you little rascal?" "ÿListen, and I want you ÿto be honest, has Corky become a nuisance?" "ÿ" " No." "ÿ" " Not one bit." "Natalie says, "Close the corral."" "But Corky's so crazy about your apples, I don't know what to do." "No more apples for you." "ÿI can't stop him." "ÿHe loves your apples." "Sure he's not a problem?" "ÿÿ" " Positive." "ÿÿ" " You guys are so fantastic." "ÿÿWell, my buddy boy, ÿÿlet's go shoot us some golf." "[car locks beep]" "I got something for you." "I'll be right back." "ÿ" " Nick, no." "Please." "ÿ" " Yes." "You'll love it." "You don't have to get me anything else." "ÿÿÿ[Nick] When I hit it big, ÿÿÿeveryone said I should buy ÿÿÿa house in Beverly Hills, ÿÿÿBel Air or Malibu." "ÿÿ"Why you spending money ÿÿon a mansion in the Valley?"" "ÿÿBut I love my neighborhood, and being across the street from my best friend." "Do you see how it moves in the wind?" "That's what I love." "ÿÿIt flaps different ÿÿthan cheaper fabric." "ÿÿDo you notice that?" "And it makes you feel better." "ÿÿÿNice fabric makes ÿÿÿyou feel better!" "That's the amazing thing!" "It's mind-blowing, isn't it?" "Nick, you buy us too much." "Too much?" "!" "You're my best friend." "ÿÿNice things ÿÿmake life nicer." "ÿAll right, let's take another ÿlook at that follow-through." "I want the head down." "[man] Oh, that is nice, Nicky." "ÿÿ" " Right?" "ÿÿ" " Very nice." "God Almighty, Mr. Dingman." "ÿNick?" "Can I talk to you ÿfor a second?" "ÿÿJust take a second." "Can't it just be us?" "You and me playing golf?" "ÿÿÿIt's just, this is ÿÿÿcosting a fortune." "[Nick] Cut it out with this money thing." "It means nothing to me." "Let's just enjoy it." "ÿÿWhy can't you come with us?" "ÿBecause Daddy has to go ÿto work, that's why." "You'll have fun at Aunt Nancy's." "Aunt Windsong, and you know that." "It's Aunt Windsong now." "ÿÿHoney, you don't ÿÿhave to do this." "ÿÿReally." "Why do this?" "ÿÿÿBecause I have to do this." "ÿÿÿWe have to do this." "Something has to change." "I can't look at you, I can't look across the street." "ÿÿÿI'm running out ÿÿÿof places to look." "The pool people come tomorrow." "ÿÿ[Nathan] Just wait ÿÿand see this, Dad." "ÿÿ[shouting]" "You the man." " [Nick] You're the man." " [Nathan] Yeah!" "ÿ[tires squeal] ÿÿ?" "[Envyreprieve] ?" "ÿÿHey, Timmy, check this out!" "ÿYeah!" "ÿ- [whinnying] ÿ- [grunting]" "[operator] Mr. Dingman!" "ÿMr." "Parmenter wants ÿto see you!" "Section 11!" "[shouts] You wanted to see me?" "ÿ[shouts] ÿYou all right?" "What?" "ÿÿYou seem distracted!" "ÿÿÿ" " What?" "ÿÿÿ" " Come on!" "ÿNow, your performance chart's ÿpretty good until here." "And then your focus nosedives into the red." "You see?" "ÿÿNow, is there anything ÿÿthat happened around here... ÿÿyou might like ÿÿto talk about?" "Uh...no." "ÿÿ" " You sure?" "ÿÿ" " Yeah." "No." "Any reason?" "ÿÿÿReason?" "ÿÿÿNo, I can't think of." "Any reason at all?" "ÿÿNo." "No reason." "No." "I mean, ÿÿnothing I can think of." "I mean... ÿÿyou know, other than ÿÿevery day I get into ÿÿmy little shit-box car and there he is, with the wind in his hair... on his great big shiny horse." "ÿAnd I drive off to do what?" "ÿTo make sandpaper." "To make paper with sand on it." "ÿÿI'd love to see you try ÿÿto turn your weasely mouth ÿÿinto a fake smile, ÿÿday after day after day... ÿwhile waving toodly-fucking-do ÿto your best friend, who's rearing up on a big white horse like he's the Lone Ranger." "ÿThen I'd like to see ÿyour performance chart, ÿÿÿyou beady-eyed little ÿÿÿshrimp-boat bastard!" "ÿÿÿIs that a reason?" "ÿÿÿI mean, is that a reason?" "ÿÿ?" "[Envyreprieve] ?" "Hi." "ÿÿÿI don't really drink, ÿÿÿbut my family just left me and I got fired and I want a drink." "ÿÿÿSo, if you could just give me ÿÿÿwhatever you'd have ÿÿÿif you wanted to drink." "Please." "[man] Harsh." "Abandoned." "Fired." "It's harsh, man." "Know what the best job I ever got fired from was?" "Pretzel kiosk." "Afternoon shift." "Just loved it, don't know why, just did." "Could be the apron, who the hell knows?" "Or maybe the feeling of power you get when there's a crowd." "One hand rolls dough, ties those babies off." "ÿThe other hand maybe works ÿthe soda, refills the mustard." "ÿIt's quite a thing." "I'll tell you a secret." "If a pretzel is a quality pretzel, you don't need salt." "It's just a fact." "ÿÿHow come?" "Your family up ÿÿand blew out of town on you?" "Thank you, but I don't really feel like talking about it right now." "ÿÿThank you." "So, how come you got canned?" "It's a whole different topic." "ÿI just blew up." "Good for you, man." "Good for you." "Good for you." " Who at?" " I blew up at my boss." "Right on, brother." "I hear you." "Man, I hear you!" "What'd you go and blow up at your boss for?" "ÿÿYou know, it's like ÿÿa long, complicated story." "Well, that is sensational." "I'm the J-Man, by the way." "ÿÿ" " Tim." "ÿÿ- [J-Man] Tim." "Ike." "Another round, please." "Something fruity for me and my friend, Tim." "On the J-Man." "Okay, Tim... just let it tumble out like circus freaks, man." "I'm here for you." "The J-Man is zeroed in, okay?" "Go." "Go." "ÿÿÿWell, I have this friend." "ÿÿÿHe's my best friend." "ÿI love the guy." "I mean, it's like we're, you know... ÿOur families ÿdo everything together." "ÿUsed to go to work ÿtogether every day." "ÿÿKeep it coming." "ÿAnd he'd have ÿthese stupid... ÿHe'd have these ÿstupid ideas." "Open your heart." "Open your heart." "Where does it come from?" "Shit." "It's all from shit." "ÿYou know who you are?" "ÿYou're like that guy... ÿ" " Che, Che something." "ÿ- "Che something"?" "ÿUp with the people." "ÿPeople power." "ÿOr the kid that stole a chicken ÿwith the golden eggs." "ÿÿÿWhat a fantastic chicken." "Who's for the giant?" "Nobody." "You hear what I'm saying." "You're the hero." "ÿForget Che!" "ÿYou're like Robin Hood." "ÿ" " Robin Hood?" "Really?" "ÿ" " Listen to me." "ÿÿÿListen to me." "Life's unfair." "ÿÿÿIt's a raw deal planet, Jack." "ÿYou, my little dumbbell friend, ÿare Mr. Everyman ÿand you don't even know it, ÿÿÿwhich makes you like ÿÿÿthe grand turbo Mr. Everyman." "Honestly?" "Come on." "You're like a great big dimwit." "You know that." "Fantastic." "ÿÿEveryman Dimwit." "That stinking ÿÿfamily across the street." "ÿWho wouldn't feel like you?" "I like you." "I'm glad I came in here." "You know that?" "Ringlets!" "Give me a break." "Let me tell you a little story." "When I was maybe 10, ÿthere was this kid ÿacross the street, ÿErnie "Nice Kid."" "ÿÿÿErnie had everything." "ÿÿÿOnly kid around with ÿÿÿa BB gun, okay?" "ÿSo one night I see ÿthe whole family drive off." "ÿWhat'd I do?" "I sneak across ÿthe street and find the BB gun." "ÿI squeeze off maybe five, ÿten pot shots at the windows... ÿHello." "In my house." "ÿÿÿ" " In your house?" "ÿÿÿ" " Yes, you got... ÿYou squoze off ÿto your house?" "You got it." "Next morning my old man gets up, ÿÿsees all these little BB holes ÿÿin our windows." "Uh-oh." "ÿÿÿHe marches across the street, ÿÿÿbangs on the door and Tim, ÿÿmy little bozo friend, ÿÿÿthings changed big time ÿÿÿover there in Ernieville." "ÿÿ[chuckling] ÿÿThat's what you got to do!" "What?" "Shake things up." "Over there, man." "Shake them up." "Give them something to think about besides the temperature in that candy-ass pool." " Shit, what time is it?" " What kind of question is that?" "I got to get back!" "They can't build the pool!" "Ike, cab... on the J-Man." "ÿÿ- [Nick] Yeah!" "ÿÿ- [Natalie] Come on!" "ÿÿÿ" " Excuse me!" "ÿÿÿ- [Natalie] Whoo!" "Sir!" "Sir!" "ÿÿÿYou have to stop, please." "Here they come!" "ÿÿÿ" " Whoo!" "ÿÿÿ- [kids] Hi, Mom!" "ÿÿDigging, no." "ÿÿWe can't pay for the pool." "We don't... we can't pay for the pool." "No, no." "Stop!" "Sir!" " Sir, I'll talk to the office." " [speaking Spanish]" "Good afternoon, Mr. Tim." "ÿÿ" " Hi." "ÿÿ" " You look really wonderful." "And here is something from your great friends across the street while your wonderful family is away." "ÿÿ"Thought you might ÿÿenjoy a taste ÿ"from our newly ÿacquired vineyard."" "ÿÿ[sighing]" "ÿÿ[Natalie screams and whoops] ÿ?" "[Envyreprieve] ?" "ÿÿ[J-Man] You got ÿÿto shake things up." "ÿÿÿOver there, man." "ÿÿÿShake them up." "ÿÿÿ[Tim] Carousel of dreams." "Casa Corky." "Casa Corky." "Incredible." "ÿÿIncredible hedge work." "ÿÿ[J-Man] ÿÿYou got to shake things up." "ÿÿÿOver there, man." "ÿÿÿShake them up." "ÿÿÿShake things up." "ÿÿÿShake them up." "ÿÿÿ[pained whinny, thudding] ÿÿHuh?" "Corky." "ÿOh, my God." "ÿHow is this possible?" "How could a little arrow kill a big horse?" "Come on, Corky." "Corky, come on, come on." "ÿÿÿIt's just a little arrow." "ÿÿÿCome on, Corky." "ÿGiddy up, boy." "Corky." "Giddy up." "Giddy up." "ÿCorky." "ÿÿOkay, Corky." "Come on, boy." "One, two." "Come on." "Shit." "Shit." "God." "Come on, Corky." "[grunting, yelling]" "[J-Man] Hey." "Cock-a-doodle-doo." "Car return." "How's that for service?" "I'd probably still be driving a limo if it wasn't for the hat." "Hats." "Hats make my head itch." "What time is it?" "You got a time hang-up, don't you?" "Oh, God!" " Look at me." " I was thinking the same thing." "You are one big stinking pig, Tim." " How'd you get my keys?" " Keys?" "ÿThe J-Man don't usually need ÿkeys, my little dumbbell pal." "ÿÿÿSo, that's the place, huh?" "ÿÿ[J-Man] Look at it." "ÿÿAll from shit?" "ÿÿI see what you mean." "I don't even live here and that place is pulling my testicles up." "ÿÿI mean, literally, ÿÿthey're actually coming up." "ÿÿÿYou ever get that?" "ÿÿI killed his horse." "ÿ" " What?" "ÿ" " I killed his horse." "ÿÿThat story you were telling ÿÿabout shaking things up... ÿÿÿI went over there and ÿÿÿI shot this bow and arrow, ÿÿand I shot at my house ÿÿand I hit his horse." "He was eating apples in my yard." "There was a hole because we were going to have a pool and I buried him in it." "ÿÿ" " Well, now." "ÿÿ- [kids] Daddy!" "We're home!" "[gasps] No!" "It's my family." " Hide!" " Hide?" "Hide!" "Hide." " Hide?" "Can't I just mosey off?" " No!" "Don't mosey off." "No, you can't mosey off." "They'll see you!" "ÿ" " So?" "ÿ" " So?" "What're you doing here?" "ÿWho are you?" "ÿYou're some guy from a bar." "What's wrong with...?" "I'm the J-Man, bringing your car back." "ÿÿÿ[kids] Daddy!" "ÿ" " Hey, tiger!" "ÿ" " Daddy!" "ÿÿ" " Hey, peanut." "ÿÿ" " We all really missed you." "ÿÿAw, you look terrible." "ÿÿHoney, one question." "What is at the heart of everything?" "ÿWhat I'm asking you is:" "ÿWhat is at the heart ÿÿÿof the heart of the heart ÿÿÿof the heart?" "ÿÿÿDo you know what ÿÿÿthe answer is?" "Self-love." "Windsong told me I have been hating myself for resenting you." "ÿÿÿAnd you've been resenting ÿÿÿyourself for passing up ÿÿÿon a big opportunity." "ÿÿWhat we need to do ÿÿis focus on ÿ- what we have." "ÿ- [screaming]" "Hey!" "This is..." "This guy..." "Honey... this is..." "This man is the man... who was in the bathroom." "I didn't tell you." "Honey... something happened while you were gone, something bad." "What?" "I'll take it from here, Tim." "Mrs. Dingman..." "I'm Elmo Carp, pool rep." "Your husband and I were up here discussing your swimming pool options." " Swimming pool options?" " Yes." "You see, we dug it, we had to fill it back in." "We're sorry as heck." "Where do we go from here?" "That's the point we were at when you barged in." "ÿI don't understand." "ÿFill it back in?" "ÿSo you mean we're ÿnot getting a pool?" "ÿNo, sonny boy, I'm afraid not." "ÿToo many gosh darn pipes." " Pipes?" " Yes." "Underground pipes in your yard, but I've intruded enough on your little family reunion here." "I'll be on my way." "ÿÿÿAnd thanks for filthy-ing ÿÿÿup your clothes, ÿhelping me fill ÿin the big hole, Tim." "ÿMa'am, your husband's ÿgot the back of a coal miner." "ÿÿÿI know because ÿÿÿI've mined coal." "See you." "Something's happened to Corky." " What?" " [kids] Corky!" " Have you seen Corky?" " I haven't seen Corky." "ÿ" " Corky's gone?" "ÿ" " Have you seen Corky?" " I have not seen Corky." " That's what I mean." "We've been looking and looking." "Where could he be?" "ÿÿÿA great big horse, where?" "ÿ[Debbie] A horse ÿcan't just disappear." "ÿÿ" " He's got to be somewhere." "ÿÿ- [Nick] But where?" "ÿÿWhere?" "Where?" "ÿÿThe kids are a mess." "Wish me luck." "Corky!" "[Nick, screams] Corky, come on!" "ÿGood afternoon." "ÿMy name is Natalie Vanderpark." "I'm running for state senate in your district." "So I thought I'd canvass the neighborhood and introduce myself to everyone." "ÿ[man] Who it is, Mable?" "It's that woman running for state senate, Carl." "ÿÿThe shit lady?" "No way." "ÿÿWe're going with Shaunessey." "ÿÿÿYou know, ÿÿÿyour opponent Shaunessey, ÿÿhe asked a good question ÿÿon the radio this morning." "ÿÿAnd what question was that?" "Didn't your husband get loaded making turds disappear?" "ÿMy husband invented Vapoorize, if that's what you're referring to." "ÿÿThat's what Shaunessey ÿÿwas talking about." "ÿWhere do all them turds go?" "I mean, they got to be somewhere." "ÿÿFirst they're here, ÿÿthen they're not here, and then they disappear." "ÿÿWhere does the turd go to?" "ÿÿReally, tell me now." "ÿÿ?" "[man singsEnvy] ?" "ÿÿSo long, everybody." " Bye, have a good day at work." " Bye, Daddy." " Bye, honey." " Good luck at the salt mines, Dad." "Where am I going?" "ÿÿ- [starts engine] ÿÿ" " Wait." "Timmy, wait!" "Wait!" "Oh, God." "Timmy, I can't find him." "ÿÿI've been looking all night ÿÿand he's nowhere." "I know he's just a horse, but... [whimpers] Corky." "Where are you, my Corky boy?" "[wailing]" "God, look at me." "This is crazy." "ÿWill you pass these out ÿdown at 3M for me?" "ÿÿI found some grooming hairs ÿÿin his tail brush." "ÿOh, my God!" " $50,000?" " It's pennies!" "It's pennies." "Who cares?" "Corky's my pal." "He's my pal and I'd pay $50,000 ÿÿto find you if you ÿÿwere lost, wouldn't I?" "ÿ" " Yeah." "ÿ" " Wouldn't I?" "!" "ÿÿÿ[wailing] ÿOkay." "Okay." "ÿÿAll right." "ÿÿIt's going to be okay." "ÿÿ?" "[man singsEnvy] ?" "Are you insane?" "That is the most selfish thing I ever heard in my life." "The guy loves you, man." "You'd be killing your best friend." "You killed his horse, right?" "You killed his horse." "Now you want to tell him?" "You tell him." "What about this?" "We move the horse someplace else." "I find it." "I get the reward." "I'm bending over backwards here." "ÿHow do we move a horse?" "We dig him up." "We haul him off." "ÿÿNo, I mean..." "ÿÿwithout anybody seeing us." "You ever hear of night?" "What about the noise?" "My family's right there." "I don't want them to..." "You don't move the horse," "I do, while you and your family are enjoying nature, ÿdown at my cabin on the lake." " You have a cabin on the lake?" " What?" "You think I didn't have a childhood?" "Bunk beds, hiking trails, hooty owls." "You can move a horse by yourself?" "For 50,000 grand." "But I will say this:" "Knowing what I happen to know about things buried, the sooner the better." "ÿÿÿ- [Nick] Hey, Deb?" "ÿÿÿ" " Um-hmm." "How'd you like to go to a nice cabin on a lake?" "ÿÿÿ" " Cabin on a lake?" "ÿÿÿ" " Yeah." "This guy at work offered his cabin." "It's supposed to be really nice." " Who at work offered you this?" " Jackameyer." "Jack..." "Jack Jackameyer." "It's an hour from here and it's supposed to have all sorts of wildlife... and hooty owls and stuff." "Hiking trails." "[crowd chants] Where does the shit go?" "We want to know!" "Where does the shit go?" "We want to know!" "Where does the shit go?" "We want to know!" "[chanting continues]" "ÿ[revs engine]" "Pretty incredible, huh?" "Whoa!" "Watch out." "It's okay." "What a spot." "ÿWhat do you mean, ÿ"what a spot"?" "I mean, where... ÿHe said it's just down at the ÿend of the private driveway." "ÿÿWhat private driveway?" "ÿÿThis isn't a private driveway." "This is pretty private, honey." "I mean, this is great." "Talk about secluded." "We've walked, like, a mile." "It's not a mile, honey." "It seems longer because it's so beautiful." "[shouts] Tim!" " Mommy, where's Daddy?" " I don't know, honey." "ÿ- [Michael] Mom, I'm thirsty." "ÿ" " Okay." "ÿÿ- [Debbie, screams] Tim!" "ÿÿ" " Yoo-hoo!" "Whoo!" "I found it!" "It's a little sloping incline down to the..." "This is it?" "You bet this is it." "This is..." "This is wild, huh, kids?" "Kind of like a..." "Like an old gingerbread house in the woods." "ÿ" " Where's the lake?" "ÿ" " I'll tell you what." "Why don't we check out the bunkhouse, okay?" "Then you guys can have a contest to see who finds the lake first." "ÿWinner gets 50 cents." "50 cents." "Come on." "Let's check it out." "ÿÿÿOkay." "Weird smell." "ÿÿÿLet's hold our noses." "ÿÿÿCome on." "ÿÿÿIt's okay, Mikey, ÿÿÿcome on in." "ÿÿ[screaming] ÿÿÿ" " Oh, my God." "ÿÿÿ- [Tim] It's okay." "ÿÿJust a little critter." "ÿÿJust... ÿDon't touch it." "ÿHe's dead." "ÿUnder no circumstances ÿis this a lake." "Maybe there's a tide." "No one could ever find this lake." "ÿÿCongratulations, ÿÿyou saved yourself 50 cents." "ÿÿ[crickets chirping] ÿÿ[owls hoot]" "What is that?" "ÿÿÿ[knocking]" "[whispers] Tim?" "Yes?" "Tim?" "Yes?" "ÿYou're Tim?" "Yes, I'm Tim." "ÿThe J-Man says, ÿ"Come quick."" "Come quick?" "ÿÿÿYeah, come quick." "ÿÿThat's it." "ÿÿNow, when you see the J-Man, you tell him we're even." "ÿÿÿAnd Bosco says, ÿÿÿ"Up your ass with Mobil gas."" "Okay." "ÿÿÿWhat will you tell the J-Man?" "I'm going to tell him that Bosco says we're even and up your ass with Mobil gas." "ÿÿMobil gas." "It's Jack's neighbor, he needs some help." "Neighbor?" "That's right, Bosco, he's as nice as Jack, but his car's stuck so I'm going to help him, okay?" "ÿÿI didn't see any neighbors." "What?" "You think Bosco would lie?" "Why would Bosco lie?" "I'll go get him right now if you want." "Okay." " Okay?" " Yes." "Yes, I'd like to ask him about this hellhole." "I don't want to bring him in." "He's big." "ÿÿ" " You know, the floorboards." "ÿÿ" " How big?" "ÿÿÿ" " How big?" "ÿÿÿ" " Yes." "Big." "He's a bear of a guy with a little head." "I don't know what that means." "Look, I'm going to go help this guy because Windsong would sure as hell help this guy." "Okay?" "I'm going to be back." "Just go back to sleep, okay?" "[grunting]" "I can't... [grunting]" "ÿ[phone rings]" " What's wrong?" " It's for you." "Don't hassle me about crumbs, man, because I am on the edge of the edge." "ÿÿÿ" " Hello?" "ÿÿÿ- [Nick] Natalie stormed ÿÿÿout of the bedroom." "We had a terrible fight." "You got to come over here now." "ÿÿÿI know you got ÿÿÿyour Army pal over there." "ÿI didn't know you were in the ÿArmy." "If I can come over..." "No, I'll come there." "ÿ" " Okay, good." "Thanks." "ÿ" " Yeah." "No, no." "ÿI'll come there." "ÿI'm coming over." "Here I come." "I got to go across the street for a second." "No." "That is incorrect." "Follow me." "ÿÿThis was no picnic, ÿÿlet me tell you." "ÿÿÿI had an '88 Ford flatbed all lined up with a brand-new winch, ÿÿÿbut I fried it during ÿÿÿthe hot-wire, goddamn it." "Good thing Monk passed out, or I'd never got this baby." "Whoa!" "ÿÿÿWhat in the shit is this?" "ÿÿÿWhat is it?" "ÿIt's winches, hoists, pulleys, blocks and tackles." "This kind of thing." "You know how I got the idea?" "You know those big things on Easter Island?" "Easter Island?" "Easter Island?" "With this device, I can place that horse on top of any object." "That truck's too high." "You won't get the horse in there." "ÿYou're like a specially trained ÿsuper agent." "You know that?" "ÿWhy do you think I called you?" "ÿI was so pissed off." "ÿI nearly climbed back into your ÿhouse and smashed some plates." "Stand warned, okay, stand warned." "I have to go over there for a minute or you don't get your money." "ÿÿÿ" " Do you want your money?" "ÿÿÿ" " Yes." "ÿÿThen put that horse ÿÿon top of my van." "ÿÿÿThere's rope and tarp ÿÿÿin the garage." "Do it." "ÿÿ" " Put the horse on the van?" "ÿÿ" " Put the horse on the van." "ÿ" " Rope." "ÿ" " Yeah, and be quiet." "ÿÿIt's simple, okay?" " All right?" "I'll be right back." " Yeah." "Oh!" "Hello, Mr. Tim." "ÿYou're looking very ÿsprightly for the hour." "ÿWe go up the stairs, ÿplease." "Right this way." "I've never been in this part." "They are practicing for the tournament." "[woman] Come on!" "[screams] Yes!" "ÿÿWho's your nanny?" "!" "Hey." "[Nick] Come." "Come here." "ÿÿRight here, come on." "You're incredible, do you know that?" "An incredible friend." "ÿÿÿ[crashing] ÿÿ" " What the hell was that?" "ÿÿ" " They're bowling next door." "ÿÿGetting ready ÿÿfor your tournament." "ÿÿÿ= The tournament." "ÿÿÿ" " Hitting strikes." "ÿÿÿ" " She blames me for Corky." "ÿÿÿ" " Who?" "ÿNatalie, she just kept ÿblaming me for Corky and making me feel guilty." "Then she starts up with the shit." "ÿHow do I know ÿwhere the shit goes?" "!" "ÿThen I tell her, ÿ"I'm going to Rome tomorrow,"" "and she freaks out!" "She has a complete flip out!" "ÿÿShe flips out the room!" "ÿÿÿ" " Where'd she go?" "ÿÿÿ" " I don't know." "Some other wing." "ÿÿÿ[crashing]" "But, buddy... this Italy thing is huge." "It could..." "It could mean literally billions." "You know what I think this is?" "I think you just got to get some sleep." "You got to shut everything down." "Get under the covers." "Come on." "ÿÿÿUnder the covers." "ÿÿÿDon't listen to anything." "ÿSometimes you think ÿyou hear things..." "You're a great friend." "Sleep and it's going to be different ÿÿand don't wake up, ÿÿokay?" "ÿÿ[J-Man]?" "Valderi, Valdera ?" "?" "Valderi ?" "?" "Valdera, ha, ha ?" "?" "Valderi... ?" "Et cetera." "What about here?" "Right here?" "You kidding?" "There's towns around." "You want somebody else finding my horse?" "ÿÿÿThere'll be towns everywhere." "Hey, six months I drove a yogurt truck, okay?" "This is my territory, Jack." "What do you got up there?" "A sofa." "ÿÿWhat kind of sofa?" "Homemade." "ÿ?" "[Valderi song continues] ?" "Oh, my God." "What is this?" "[Nick] Oh, no." "The bridge is out." "Follow the detour ÿalong the river to ÿthe next bridge, all right?" "ÿÿThank you very much." "ÿÿ" " Have a good night." "ÿÿ- [cop] Let's go." "He didn't notice the horse." "ÿÿSmokey..." "ÿÿdidn't even notice that we got a horse on the roof." "Ha, ha!" "ÿ?" "[music continues] ?" "[Tim] I can't believe he didn't see it." "ÿ[J-Man] I'm Smokey." "Ha!" " How about right here?" " No, it's not good." "ÿÿÿ" " What's wrong with here?" "ÿÿÿ" " It doesn't feel right." "ÿÿI hope it's very soon." "ÿI got to be back there." "ÿIt's going to be light out." "They're asleep and don't know you left." "I'm doing you a favor doing this." "ÿHow about here?" "ÿWhat's wrong with here?" "I dig up the horse, I haul it up, I invent everything." "Why do we have to do what you want to do?" "ÿÿÿ" " Corky's new home." "ÿÿÿ" " This is not good for me." "Forget it." "This is it right here." "Okay?" "Bad vibe." "[Tim] No!" "He's gone!" "ÿÿWhere'd he go?" "!" "ÿÿDid you hear anything?" "ÿÿÿLike a thump?" "Where did he go?" "Oh, shit!" "ÿÿÿ" " Did you check the knots?" "ÿÿÿ- [J-Man] Who knows knots?" "ÿÿ" " Not you." "ÿÿ" " You know, I'm not Popeye." "How did we not hear?" "How do you not hear a horse fall off a car?" "Maybe he's not dead." "Maybe he ran away." "It's raining so hard, the horse might have fallen off and floated, who knows, into a ditch." "[J-Man] There's a river that runs along this road." "He could be in it." "Corky could be heading for the open sea." "ÿÿOh, my God, honey." "ÿÿWhat time is it?" "ÿ[whispers] It's okay." "ÿGo back to sleep." "Yeah?" "Did you solve the problem?" " Yeah." " Yeah?" "Actually..." "I think I did." "ÿÿÿ[Tim] ?" "Gonna be a bright ÿÿÿBright sunshiny day ?" "ÿWhoo!" "ÿ?" "Gonna be a bright ÿBright sunshiny day ?" " [phone rings]" " Whoo-hoo!" "ÿ[Debbie] Timmy!" "ÿTelephone!" "ÿ[dogs barking]" "Good morning, Mr. Tim." "I must say... ÿyou're looking fit as a fiddle ÿthis morning, Mr. Tim." "ÿThanks." "I hear Mr. Nick ÿwants to see me." "Yes, I know." "He's running in the woods." "I talked to the guys over at 3M." "I know you got canned." "You've met Pete, right?" "My trainer." "ÿDon't feel funny around Pete." "ÿI got no secrets from Pete." "ÿÿ" " Do I, Pete?" "ÿÿ" " I don't think so." "So here's the deal:" "Buddy boy... that my little hearty hi-ho Silver routine affected you like that, all I can say is, I am such a jerk." "But it's the best thing that ever happened, because now I'll go kick ass in Rome." "And guess what?" "ÿYou, you unemployed bum, ÿyou'll come kick ass with me." "I want us to be partners." "I want us to be equal again, man." "Why not?" "I mean, for crying out loud, I've got a Pete." "ÿWhy shouldn't you have a Pete?" "ÿWould you like a Pete?" "Who wouldn't?" "So this is the deal." "ÿÿÿFrom now on, ÿÿÿyou and me, 50/50." "ÿ- 50/50?" "ÿ" " That's right. 50/50." "ÿÿI'll talk to my lawyer." "Why ÿÿdidn't I think of it sooner?" "It's awesome!" "Get the hell out of here." "The limo leaves in an hour and a half!" "Buddy boy!" "Let's go, buddy boy!" "All right." "Come on." "ÿÿÿNow, pump it up." "ÿÿÿI want full cardio blast now." " Let's go." " Don't be shy." "[Pete] There you go." "No, keep going!" "Keep it there!" "Crampers." " You all right?" " Crampers." "Ah!" "I don't know, honey." "ÿÿÿI mean, do we want to be part ÿÿÿof the shit industry?" "What about the heart of the heart of the heart of the heart?" "I don't think this conflicts with that." "I mean, you know, there's..." "It's a lot of money and the heart of the heart, and they're both..." "Still have the heart with a lot of money." " I think." "You know." " You know what I think?" "ÿI think I know what we should ÿdo." "We should just try it." "ÿÿÿ" " Try it!" "ÿÿÿ" " Yes." "ÿÿÿ" " Try it." "ÿÿÿ" " Try it." "Try it." "ÿÿ" " Try it." "See how it feels." "ÿÿ" " Try it." "Oh, my God, I can't believe it!" "ÿÿ- [kids] Bye, Daddy." "ÿÿ" " We'll miss you." "ÿÿÿ" " Miss you already." "ÿÿÿ- [Tim] I'll be home soon." "[Michael] Bring us presents... ÿÿÿGood to see you, captain." "Hi." "ÿÿÿI think we should ÿÿÿtarget zoos." "ÿÿÿ" " Thank you, Denise." "Zoos?" "ÿÿÿ" " Yeah, zoos." "ÿI mean, come on, ÿthey're full of poop." "I popped on the Internet just before we got on the plane." "ÿDid you know that an elephant ÿgoes, like 100 pounds a day?" "Times that by seven, that's 700 pounds of dung a week for one elephant." "There's got to be thousands of zoos in the world." "That is really very good." "Zoos." "ÿÿ" " I got another one for you." "ÿÿ" " Yeah?" "ÿÿÿTravel industry." "We get ÿÿÿinto the travel industry." "I'm talking about little travel-size Vapoorize." "You mean, like the cute little shampoo bottles?" "ÿÿÿ" " Exactly." "ÿÿÿ" " My God, that's so simple ÿÿÿand awesome!" "You're walking through Venice." "You step in some dog doo." "So, what do you do?" "ÿÿ" " You take out a travel-size ÿÿVapoorize." "ÿÿ" " That's it!" "A little Velcro holster you put on your belt." "Right next to your cell phone, your pager, your Vapoorize." "You can walk the dog handsfree and not worry about the Vapoorize." "I love a holster." "Accessorize with Vapoorize." "ÿÿHold on." "Let me ÿÿtake it from here." "?" "You're walkin' along A-doodley doo ?" "ÿÿ?" "All of a sudden ÿÿYou stepped in poo ?" "ÿ?" "You don't know what to do ?" "ÿÿÿ" " What do you do?" "ÿÿÿ" " I don't know what to do." "?" "Vapoorize, Vapoorize ?" "ÿ- ?" "Mountain-scent Vapoorize ?" "ÿ- ?" "Vapoorize ?" "ÿ" " What is the..." "ÿ" " I thought ÿthere would be drums." "?" "[Four Tops' Can't Help Myselfin Italian] ?" "ÿÿ[Nick] Come on." "ÿÿLook at this place." "Go check out your bedroom." "ÿÿ?" "[song continues] ?" "Wow." "ÿÿÿ[cheering] [gasping]" "ÿÿ[in Italian] [lambs bleating]" "[Nick] Vapoorize." "ÿÿ" " Shopping." "ÿÿ- [cameras clicking]" "Gucci." "Here." "ÿÿ[Tim] This would look great ÿÿnext to the bug tent." " [Nick] I would love to buy it." " [Tim] It's great." "Pay the man." "[Nick] It makes the whole house." "It makes the yard." "With the sound." "With the sound." "It's ridiculous, but that's what I love about it." "I like this." "...with the Dow off 11 and the NASDAQ up five and a half." "ÿA rather sluggish day ÿon Wall Street." "ÿÿOn the international front, investors are watching Vanderpark Enterprises." "ÿCEO, Nicholas Vanderpark ÿand newly appointed partner, ÿÿTim Dingman arrive in Italy ÿÿto introduce to Europe their complete line of fecal-removing product ÿthat's had remarkable ÿsuccess in the United States." "ÿÿThe American entrepreneurs ÿÿhave reason to be hopeful." "ÿÿÿThey were greeted with great ÿÿÿenthusiasm everywhere." "Later, they'll be feted at a banquet to be held in the presidential palace." "ÿ[speaking in Italian]" "ÿÿHe says, "I noticed ÿÿwhen we climbed into the tub ÿÿÿ"our three penises were quite ÿÿÿsimilar in size and bulk."" "ÿ[speaking in Italian] ÿÿÿHe say, ÿÿÿ"And I thought to myself," ""'Good." "Good.'"" "[sighs]" "Envy is a funny, funny thing." "[continuing in Italian]" "He says, "I remember when I was a teenager," ""my friend Armando and I spent the summer in New York." ""A sweet time of life."" "ÿ[speaking in Italian]" "The minister, he says," ""I must tell you, my friend Armando had a hog" ""like a freight train."" "ÿÿÿ- [speaking in Italian] ÿÿÿ- [translator] What a hog." "ÿ[speaking in Italian]" "He says, "And I must tell you secretly, ÿÿ"Armando's ÿÿfreight-train-sized manhood ÿ"made me, with a regular-size ÿone, quite miserable."" "[concludes in Italian] ÿÿ"Not all the time miserable, ÿÿof course, but sometimes."" " [phone rings] - [laughing]" "[translator] This call has been transferred to you." "Thank you." "Hello?" "[J-Man] Turbo Everyman, my ass." "ÿ[J-Man] Where do you ÿget off at?" "ÿI bought you drinks." "ÿÿYou vacation in my bungalow ÿÿand now you go jump ship." "Screw Robin Hood, you hear me?" "Screw the Merry Men." "You're a stinko pinko." "ÿÿÿTurncoat!" "Here's what I do, Mr. Traitor." "ÿÿÿRemember Lester?" "ÿÿÿHe pumped our gas when we moved the sofa." "Not a tooth in his head, nice fella." "ÿÿ-Remember him now?" "ÿÿ" " I do." "Yes." "ÿÿGood." "For $50,000 Lester ÿÿkeeps thinking it's a sofa." "ÿAnd me and him ÿdon't spill the beans to your hoity-toity pal across the street." "ÿÿLet's be very clear on this:" "ÿÿI want $50,000... or I tell your friend you killed his horse." "ÿDebbie?" "Deb, I'm home." "ÿÿSweetheart, ÿÿI've been lipo-sucked." "ÿÿCan you tell?" "Can you?" "ÿÿDoes it look good?" "Dr. Weitzman is supposed to be a genius and it didn't even really hurt." "And that is not all." "Come." "I am so excited." "ÿÿHere's a little gift ÿÿI bought for us." "A little 50/50 surprise." " My big international partner." " Debbie." "ÿ" " Let's do it on the laundry." "ÿ" " Where are the kids?" "!" "ÿÿAt Mother's, honey." "ÿÿIt's just us." "Come lie on the warm pile." "It's all clean out of the dryer." "I will lie with you after I tell you something important." "ÿÿI got drunk ÿÿand by mistake killed Corky." "I buried him in the swimming pool hole." "The pool guy... he's some bum I met at a bar." "ÿÿÿ[washer clanging] ÿÿÿ[Natalie] Nick?" "ÿÿÿWhere does it go?" "ÿ- [Nick] What?" "ÿ- [Natalie] The shit." "ÿÿÿ" " Where does the shit go?" "ÿÿÿ" " Up." "ÿUp is not good enough." "ÿYou'll have to do ÿbetter than up." " [Nick] Up and out." " [Natalie] Out where?" "!" "[Nick] Up and out." "Out." "Up and out." " [Natalie] Up and out?" " [Nick] Up and out." "The bum wants $50,000 or he'll tell Nick." " Then we won't have a chance to be rich." " [timer buzzes]" "Oh, my God." "[screams] Yes!" "Yes!" "Go and pay the bum." "ÿ" " Go pay the bum now." "ÿ" " Go pay the bum?" "!" "ÿÿ" " Honey, I love you." "ÿÿ" " I love you too." "Bye!" "Bye!" "What?" "This guy's not like other people." "What if we pay him and then he wants more?" "Then we will give him more." "What if he wants more again?" "!" "We'll give him more because we'll have enough to give him." "ÿBut it'll never end with him." "ÿHe'll be in our lives forever." "Tim, if he tells Nick, it'll all be over." "You know, what else can we do?" "We fess up." "ÿÿÿ" " Fess up?" "ÿÿÿ" " Yeah." "Yeah." "No, no, no." "We fess up." "We fess up." "We tell Nick." "We ask for forgiveness." "ÿ" " Forgiveness?" "ÿ" " Yes." "ÿ" " Honey, you killed his horse!" "ÿ" " I'm telling him everything." "ÿÿÿNo, sweetheart!" "Please." "ÿÿÿPlease don't do it to me." "ÿÿI love my car in the garage." "ÿÿIt's got heated seats." "ÿÿAnd I've got shoes." "ÿÿI've got bags." "ÿ- [Nick] Knock, knock." "ÿ" " Clothes." "Oh, my God, I'm sorry." "Look at you two." "God, I'm so envious of you!" "You've got to give Natalie a talk." "She's locked herself in the bathroom and I want what you have so bad!" "I want some of that!" "ÿOkay." "ÿ[whispering] ÿShh!" "Don't say a word." "ÿÿÿNot a word." "ÿÿÿNot a word." "Okay?" "ÿÿÿ[Natalie] Everywhere I go, ÿÿÿthey're yelling at me." "ÿÿÿ"Where does the shit go?"" "ÿÿWe don't know!" "ÿÿWhat if my opponent's right?" "ÿÿ" " What if we are polluting?" "ÿÿ- [Debbie] Natalie... ÿÿthe only thing this guy ÿÿShaunessey's got going ÿÿfor him is your own guilt." "ÿÿÿGuilt that you're wealthy." "ÿYou know what, we're partners ÿnow and we have money too." "ÿYou know what ÿwe'll do with ours?" "ÿÿÿWe're going to sponsor ÿÿÿthe biggest rally for you ÿthat this town has ever seen." "ÿ[Debbie] Then we'll throw out ÿthis challenge:" "We'll say that if anyone can say that Vapoorize does damage to anything, ÿÿÿthen Natalie Vanderpark ÿÿÿwill cease to be a candidate." "ÿMay I suggest we put ÿon our dancing shoes?" "ÿÿÿ[yelling]" "Honey!" "I love you." "[J-Man] So how was the flight?" "Was it enjoyable?" "ÿ[Tim] It was fine." "It was very ÿsmooth." "Everything went fine." "ÿHere's what I got to tell you." "ÿWe'll pay you the money, okay?" "ÿÿÿWe got it all worked out." "ÿ[J-Man] That is sensational ÿnews, my gypsy roving friend." "ÿBut I've revised my thinking ÿabout the $50,000 grand thing." "ÿI can't accept that." "ÿI mean, what are we, animals?" "ÿ" " What?" "No, we're not animals." "ÿ-No, of course not." "What we are is pals." "You slept in my bunk." "I ate some of your crackers." "We sang in the rain." "ÿÿÿ?" "Valderi ?" "ÿÿÿ?" "Valdera ?" "ÿÿÿ?" "Valderi ?" "ÿ?" "Valdera ?" "ÿ- [laughing] ÿ-Okay." "ÿÿ?" "My knapsack on my back ?" "ÿ" " Yes, I remember." "ÿ-That's when we were buddies." "Last week?" "Yeah." "I remember." "ÿSo, what I'm saying is to hell ÿwith the flat cash payout." "I say let's be partners." "ÿÿ" " Partners?" "ÿÿ-Why not?" "ÿ" " What do you mean "partners"?" "ÿ-You, me... ÿyour other so-called friend ÿin a cozy little triumvirate." "ÿAm I using the word correctly?" "ÿNo, no." "Listen to me." "We're not partners." "How can we be partners?" "We'll iron out the details when I come over later." "This evening." "Who knows exactly when." "ÿ" " You're not coming over here." "ÿ-Yes." "And don't you worry, buddy partner." "I'll smooth out the rough parts." "ÿÿ" " You want to talk?" "ÿÿI'll come to you." "ÿÿ-Yes!" "ÿÿÿ" " Where are you?" "ÿÿÿ-I'm coming over." "ÿ" " No!" "You're not coming over." "ÿ-Don't worry, buddy roll." "We'll put pen to paper." "Bye-bye." " Listen to me." "Bye-bye." "There are no rough parts to smooth." "What?" "Hello?" "[dial tone]" "Oh, God." "ÿAll right." "I got to tell Nick." "ÿI'm just going to tell him." "ÿÿÿ?" "[uptempo salsa music] ?" "ÿÿ[Nick and Natalie whooping]" "ÿÿÿCome on, honey." "ÿÿÿStart with your hips." "[Natalie] Come on." "[Nick] Whoo!" "[yells] Mr. Vanderpark!" "ÿÿ" " The merry-go-round ÿÿis acting up again." "ÿÿ- [crying] ÿ[music halts] ÿÿÿI hate that thing." "ÿÿÿI hate it." "Timmy, I'm sorry, we got to deal with it." "[sighs] ÿÿ?" "[music sped up] ?" "ÿ[Tim] I gotta talk to you." "ÿI did something really stupid." "You won't believe what happened." "The stupidest, most ridiculous thing." "That wife of yours was incredible." "But I don't care how much money we make, don't buy one of these." "ÿÿÿIt's junk." "It just keeps ÿÿÿspeeding up for no reason." "ÿÿÿ" " I got to talk to you." "ÿÿÿ" " The thing is, the on/off ÿÿÿbutton's in the middle!" "ÿ" " I did this horrible thing." "ÿ" " The thing is in the middle." " Here goes." "All right, come on." " Nick!" "ÿÿÿ[yelling]" " [Nick yells]" " Nick!" "ÿ[moaning, wavering]" "ÿÿ[terrified cries] ÿ" " Hang on!" "ÿ" " I can't hold on much longer!" "ÿÿ[screaming] [gasping]" "ÿ" " Nick, are you okay?" "ÿ" " Ribs." "[grimacing] Yeah." "No, I'm fine." "Goddamned... ÿBastard, bitch merry-go-round." "ÿStupid merry-go-round!" " I got to talk to you." " Stupid, crappy, stupid thing." "I've been feeling guilty for a long time." " I did something really stupid." " It's impossible to turn off." "ÿ" " I hate you, merry-go-round." "ÿ" " Where's the switch?" "It's in the middle of the thing." "It's impossible to turn off." "ÿ" " Where's the button?" "ÿ" " In the middle." "ÿÿÿI'll turn it off, ÿÿÿthen we'll talk." "I'll get it." "ÿÿÿ[yelling, then screaming] ÿÿÿ" " Whoa!" "ÿÿÿ- [screaming] Ow!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Timmy." "ÿÿÿMan, are you all right?" "ÿÿÿLet me help you up there." "ÿÿCome on, buddy." "ÿÿCome on, buddy." "All right." "ÿÿÿ" " You okay?" "Yeah?" "ÿÿÿ- [sighs] Yeah." "It knocked the wind out of you." "You went flying off that thing." "Now, listen." "I don't want to let this ruin our jolly feeling." "Let's go back in there and talk about this fantastic rally." "[breathless] Nick." "You see this bow and arrow?" "ÿ" " Yeah." "ÿ" " One night... ÿ" " Yeah?" "ÿ" " One night..." "I'm so ashamed of this." "But one night... ÿ- [explosion] ÿ- [screaming] ÿOh, my God!" "ÿÿ[Nick] Oh, man!" "I told you ÿÿit was a piece of junk!" "ÿÿI'm glad we weren't on it." "ÿÿ" " What?" "ÿÿ" " I'm glad we weren't on it." "I can't hear." "Are your ears ringing?" "No." "Boy, mine are." "What was it you were saying, my fine friend?" "What I was saying is that one night I got drunk." "All right?" "Being drunk had nothing to do with it." "I can't even explain it... ÿWait, you know what?" "ÿI'm thinking it's just one ear." "I hear you way better when I turn like this." "Talk to me." "That night I got drunk and I was aiming this arrow at my house." "ÿNo, it's both ears." "ÿWhat are you doing?" "I'm trying to tell you." "ÿÿÿI pulled it back, I aimed ÿÿÿat the house, I did this." "[Natalie] Nathan and Nellie want you to kiss their boo-boos." "ÿ- [man screaming] ÿ" " Wait, I heard that." "ÿI'm coming!" "That was not a smart thing to do." "ÿÿÿ" " I know!" "ÿÿÿ" " Come on." "No, Nick!" "I got to tell... [gurgling, gagging in distance]" "Oh, shit!" " [Debbie] Timmy, honey!" " What?" "!" "[Debbie] Where are you?" "Timmy." "Honey, I got it." "Definitely in the hips." "Timmy, where have you been?" "ÿÿ" " I killed the bum." "ÿÿ" " What?" "The bum." "I shot an arrow." "ÿIt went up, it went down." "ÿIt's in the bum." "I killed him." "Come." "Come." "Did you work out a deal with him?" "ÿÿNo!" "He's dead." "ÿÿIt's in his back." "The arrow." "ÿI shot him." "ÿI killed him." "ÿÿÿI killed a person!" "What?" "Is this a joke?" "I don't get your jokes sometimes." "And I'll tell you something:" "I don't think it's always me." "ÿÿ" " Hurry up!" "Come on!" "ÿÿ" " Honey!" "ÿÿÿ" " Hurry." "Get in the house." "ÿÿÿ" " Let it go." "Stop!" "What are you doing?" "Wait!" "He could be in the house." " There's nobody there!" "God." " Car!" "He's wounded!" "He's crazy!" " Honey, this is really insane." " Get in!" "Get in!" "Get in!" "ÿÿ[revs engine, tires screech]" "[heavy breathing] ÿÿ- [laughing] ÿÿ" " Excuse me." "ÿThis'll take half a second." "ÿCould you tell me... ÿwhat's sticking ÿin my back, please?" "ÿÿÿ" " Arrow." "ÿÿÿ" " Fricking nitwit." "Look, I'm being stalked by a genuine madman, okay?" "ÿI'm talking about ÿa black force here." "ÿI hate spoiling ÿthe atmosphere, ÿÿbut would you mind ÿÿtugging the arrow out?" "ÿÿ[Debbie] I want you ÿÿto stop the car." "ÿHoney, stop the car ÿright now!" " Look." "The guy's crazy." " There is no dead man!" "ÿ" " He's a loose cannon." "ÿ" " There's no... ÿ" " Excuse me." "ÿ- [screaming]" "Oh, my God, there is a bum with an arrow." "ÿÿHe looks afraid of us." "You ever hear of "reach for the sky"?" "You just shoot a guy in the back with no warning." "ÿÿÿThat's right." "ÿÿÿThat's correct." "ÿÿÿThat's what I do." "Well, then, good God almighty, we have entered, indeed, into a dark day." "You got to talk to him." "We were pals." "Who shoots a pal in the back with a bow and arrow?" "Over a couple of bucks." "ÿMe." "I'm an archer ÿand I shoot arrows." "ÿÿAnd I got more back where ÿÿthey came from." "My quiver." "Listen to me." "I just wanted what you wanted." "A little taste of the good life." "A little taste of honey." "Is that so bad?" "Is it?" "But you win." "ÿMan, I fold, I can see it:" "ÿGreed has hardened your heart." "And money's poisoned your soul." "I'm out of here." "ÿThere's nothing as dangerous ÿas large quantities of money." "That's why I've always remained an independent contractor, an odd job man." "I want no part of this." "I stand before you, begging:" "Take the arrow out of my back." "You will never see me again." "Help me, God!" "Come on." "ÿ- [J-Man sobs] ÿ" " Honey... take the arrow out of his back." "[J-Man whimpers, sobs] ÿÿÿ- [J-Man grimaces] ÿÿÿ- [wincing]" "ÿÿ[panting] Thank you." "ÿÿ" " Thank you." "ÿÿ" " Souvenir." "ÿÿ?" "[Envyreprieve] ?" "ÿI couldn't sleep." "ÿI got to talk to you." "ÿYeah, I got ÿto talk to you too." "You know, this big rally tomorrow, I'm a wreck about it." "ÿÿI got to give a big speech." " I'm not a speech guy." " Oh, Nick." "ÿAre you kidding?" "Come on, ÿthose infomercials you did." "You're great in front of people." "Really?" "You thought I was good?" "You never said a word about it." "ÿBecause it was just another ÿthing that made me miserable." "What?" "This is what I have to talk to you about." "Sit down." "I killed Corky." "You... ÿWhen?" "ÿÿÿPlease don't say anything ÿÿÿtill I'm done, all right?" "The day that you gave me the wine, remember?" "I got drunk on the wine." "I actually was drunk from before." "I went into your yard and... ÿÿÿ[neighing]" "[door slams]" "So that's it." "There you have it." "ÿÿ[sighs] You know, it sounds ÿÿlike it was an accident." "ÿÿÿ" " Why didn't you tell me?" "ÿÿÿ" " I should've told you." "That's the thing." "But I don't know what happened." "ÿI felt guilty or something." "And I was just so wrapped up in the envy that I felt for everything you had." "It's true what they say." "ÿÿIt's like a little ÿÿgreen monster ÿÿÿthat comes out and ÿÿÿit just poisoned my head." "ÿÿAnd, by the way, ÿÿyou did nothing wrong." "ÿÿYou followed your dream." "ÿÿYou did what you wanted to do." "ÿÿÿI was always saying, ÿÿÿ"Don't do it." ÿÿÿYou did it and it worked." "ÿLook, you built ÿa house, right?" "ÿThat's all you did." "ÿYou built a house." "ÿÿÿI mean, it's a big house." "I mean, it's a really big house." "ÿÿÿIt's a large house." "ÿÿÿIt's a..." "I mean, it's..." "It's gigantic, Nick." "ÿÿÿYou built the White House ÿÿÿacross the street ÿÿÿand we're in ÿÿÿthe shadow of it." "ÿLiterally, every day at 4:00, ÿwe're in its shadow." "That's not your fault." "You wanted to be friends still, you didn't want to move and I love that." "It was coming from such a good place, but it was..." "It got to me because every day I'd have to look at you, and see you with all of this stuff." "ÿÿYou know, ÿÿbuy the yellow Lamborghini that goes 500 miles an hour." "Have a bowling alley next to your room." "ÿÿIf I could do it, I would." "ÿEverybody should have ÿa merry-go-round." "ÿÿÿJealousy, every day." "ÿÿÿAnd it was chewing me up." "ÿÿYour kid's playing ÿÿthe concert piano, my kid's banging trash cans." "And that has nothing to do with money." "That's just his musical ability." "That's a whole other thing." "You just gave to us." "You gave and you gave and you're so generous." "ÿAnd what am I going ÿto give you?" "I gave you tube socks for Christmas last year." "ÿÿÿThat's not going to work." "ÿ" " I like the socks." "ÿ" " You gave us so much." "ÿThe coffee machine." "ÿÿGiant rocketship-sized ÿÿcoffee machine." "Debbie loved the coffee." "I'll tell you something, I never tasted it." "ÿÿÿI wanted to tell you that." "ÿI can't even tell you ÿI haven't tried the coffee." "ÿÿÿLike I'll feel better ÿÿÿif I don't drink your coffee." "And you gave our kids flan." "All of a sudden my son's going," ""Daddy, where's the flan?"" "It felt like a dagger in my heart every time he'd request flan." "ÿIt made me feel little." "I felt like a little man who didn't like flan." "ÿÿThe horse was great, Nick." "Of course you should have a horse." "ÿDoes it have to be ÿa white horse that ÿyou come galloping up on?" "ÿÿÿIt neighs and ÿÿÿit makes the whole thing?" "ÿÿÿOf course." "ÿÿÿMake it a beautiful horse that I think, honestly, didn't like me." "It had nothing to do with anything, I never clicked with it." "ÿÿÿI think the horse ÿÿÿsensed something." "ÿÿÿI think "horse sense" ÿÿÿis a real thing." "ÿÿÿBecause the horse ÿÿÿhad a feeling." "He came over and sensed the envy I felt." "ÿHe'd come over ÿand eat the apples." "ÿÿÿHe'd look at me and ÿÿÿgive me a weird look." "ÿÿI'm telling you." "ÿÿYou know how sometimes the side of a face and you get one eye?" "ÿÿHe would keep the eye ÿÿon me and I knew ÿÿhe was thinking something." "That's unrelated to what happened with the arrow." "That was an accident." "ÿI swear to God." "I swear to God." "ÿI couldn't do it if I tried." "ÿÿÿI'm sorry about this." "ÿÿÿI feel horrible." "I feel bad." "I feel like I have this fountain in my yard that I don't deserve." "I don't deserve to be your partner." "ÿÿI don't deserve to be ÿÿyour friend." "I just..." "Well, you know what, Tim?" "You made a mistake." "You're human." "Everyone makes mistakes." "ÿÿSo what, man?" "ÿÿYou're still my best friend." "ÿÿ" " Really?" "ÿÿ" " Of course." "Of course." "Come on, man." "ÿIt was a big mistake." "It was a big mistake." "It was a doozy." "[whispers] Corky." "ÿÿ" " I'm sorry, Nick." "ÿÿ" " No, no." "It's okay." "ÿÿI know how much ÿÿyou loved him and I... [sighs] I did love Corky." "I never liked Corky." "ÿI mean, he's beautiful ÿon the outside." "It's just ÿsomething wasn't..." "We're still partners." "There is no way you are getting out of this partnership." " Okay?" " Okay." "And I will see you tomorrow at the big rally." " [sighs] Yeah." " Good." "ÿÿ[Nick] Big day." "Big day." "Poor Corky." "One little target arrow." "ÿYou wouldn't think that could ÿkill a big horse." "ÿÿÿThat's exactly ÿÿÿwhat I thought." "ÿÿIt's one little arrow ÿÿand when I shot the bum... ÿhe hardly seemed to notice." "You know, that fountain looked a lot better in Rome." "ÿÿÿ" " Yeah." "ÿÿÿ" " Well..." "C'est la vie, as the Romans say." "ÿÿÿ[clapping]" "[Natalie, over mike] On this beautiful, clear day ÿÿÿI think it is appropriate ÿÿÿthat we clear the air of the toxic distortions ÿthat my husband, ÿand by association, myself, ÿÿÿare somehow poisoning ÿÿÿour environment" "in our efforts to purify it." "It's not true." "ÿÿÿ[speaking Spanish] ÿ[Natalie] ÿLadies and gentlemen... please help me welcome Nick Vanderpark and Tim Dingman." "ÿÿÿ[cheering]" "ÿÿ[shouts of protest]" "Thank you." "ÿÿÿLadies and gentlemen, ÿÿÿyoung people." "ÿÿÿI stand here with my partner, ÿÿÿTim Dingman... ÿÿÿThat's right." "...grateful for this opportunity to address the central question ÿÿÿposed in so many colorful ÿÿÿand eloquent variations." "ÿ[Nick] Where is the shit?" "!" "[clapping] ÿ[Natalie] ÿOh, my God." "Nick." "Nick!" "ÿCorky?" "[woman] Mr. and Mrs. Vanderpark, sorry we had to perform an autopsy, ÿÿÿbut when any large dead ÿÿÿanimal comes in proximity ÿÿÿwith the public it must be examined immediately for health reasons." "ÿI'm a little curious." "ÿDid you feed your horse ÿa lot of apples?" "Our neighbors have an apple tree." "Corky loved their apples." "Did he ever defecate in their yard?" "I imagine." "ÿÿCan you tell me what you did when the horse defecated in your yard?" "ÿÿÿWe used Vapoorize ÿÿÿbecause Nick invented it." "ÿWe get crates of it ÿfor free." "Well, it's all making sense." "The horse was poisoned." "[woman] We did find a broken shaft of a small target arrow in the sternum, but that played no part in the death." "ÿÿThe horse died ÿÿfrom the prolonged ingesting ÿÿof a certain chemical, ÿÿwhich by itself is harmless, ÿÿbut when combined ÿÿwith certain fecal bacteria becomes a lethal poison." "A little person?" "ÿLethal poison." "That chemical is the third ingredient in every can of your so-called miracle invention." "He had enough of it literally to kill a horse." "ÿÿÿI am obligated, of course, ÿÿÿto report this to the EPA." "EPA?" "Environmental Protection Agency?" "Do you have to do that?" "Right." "You have to." "[sobbing inaudibly]" "It's all right." "ÿÿÿEvery time without exception?" "[auctioneer] The following item, an extra-large bed that sleeps ÿnine comfortably for, ÿlet's say, $100." "XL bed, sleeping nine." "Got to love it for $100." "$72 for this white statue of a man on a horse with a spray can." "$72, anyone?" "No?" "ÿAnybody need a portable phone?" "ÿEveryone needs one." "ÿYou want one in your kitchen, ÿin your extra bedroom." "You got a portable phone right there." "It's going to go for $5." "ÿÿÿThe next thing is item 31." "I like this bug net." "Why don't we find out the estimated cost?" "Or we've got two cases of a semi-gourmet flan." "ÿI believe that's some sort ÿof custard dish or something." "ÿThe semi-gourmet flan is going ÿto start the bidding at $4." " Nick?" " Yeah." "I think I have an idea." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "ÿÿÿ" " Like a really big idea." "ÿÿÿ" " Really?" "When you got your idea, did you feel it immediately?" "ÿOh, yeah." "ÿRight away." "ÿÿÿYou got one of those?" "ÿÿÿLike one of my ideas?" "ÿ" " I think so." "ÿ" " What is it?" "Yes!" "Hey." "Hey!" "Stop the auction!" "ÿÿYou just cannot eat flan ÿÿand drive at the same time." "ÿÿLook, I've got flan ÿÿall over me." "Can't somebody come up with a better idea?" "!" "[Tim] We have." "ÿÿ[cheering, clapping] ÿThat's right!" "ÿBe one of the millions ÿenjoying the taste sensation ÿÿthat's sweeping the nation." "ÿÿNick's talking ÿÿabout Pocket Flan!" "ÿÿ[both] Pocket Flan!" "ÿ" " No spoon, no mess!" "ÿ- [Tim] That's right." "ÿÿThree simple steps, folks." "ÿÿÿ" " Just flip it!" "ÿÿÿ- [all] Flip it!" "ÿÿ" " Squeeze it!" "ÿÿ- [all] Squeeze it!" "ÿMmm!" " And enjoy." " [all] Enjoy!" "ÿÿÿWait a second, Tim." "ÿÿÿWhat was that name again?" "ÿÿ[all] Pocket Flan!" "ÿÿIsn't that just fantastic?" "ÿNo, Nick, it's not fantastic." "ÿIt's flan-tastic." "ÿÿ[laughing]" "[J-Man] Yeah, but, Tim, Nick, I have a question." "ÿHow about us who are ÿlactose-intolerant?" "We've got a new soy-based Pocket Flan." "ÿÿ?" "[Envyreprieve] ?" "It's flan in a tube." "It's a little bit of happiness in a tube." "Let's say I'm jogging." "I'm getting tired, I need a pick-me-up." "What am I going to do, get a candy bar?" "Imagine if you're jogging with some of this stuff." "What's going on?" "It's not going to work." "Here's the other thing." "You're eating your flan, you're like:" ""That's good." "I want to get down there" ""where it's brown and super-sugary."" "ÿÿWhere do you...?" "I can't..." "ÿÿIn here we've mixed it up." "You've got all that." "It's pre-mixed." "The brown is always part of it." "Even if you don't see it." "Let me tell you, in the Tour de France, they're going 20 miles a day, going up mountains." "What do you think they pull out of their Spandex bikini bottom to squeeze into their mouth when they want to eat?" " [all] Pocket Flan!" " And here's another question." "ÿWhat if I'm doing ÿsome skydiving and I'm like:" ""I got to get some..." "I'm going to get some cornflakes." "ÿÿÿ"I don't have time ÿÿÿfor cornflakes." "ÿÿÿI do have time for flan."" "[Tim] That's right." "I would love to see this." "This has been vacuum-tested to a depth of 200 feet if you're scuba diving." "Just the other day I see this kid walking down the street." "ÿ" " He has Pocket Flan, right?" "ÿ- [Tim] Right." "He squeezes it, he's on a skateboard." "He squeezes it..." "It arcs up." "He goes like... and..." "That's like a new skateboard trick." "Who here likes to drive?" "You guys like to drive?" "Yeah." "Who here likes to drive race cars?" "Anybody?" "All right." "I'm Captain Speedway and nothing tastes better at 200 miles per hour than Pocket Flan." "Firemen." ""I got to go save someone." ""Maybe I need a little extra something."" ""Wait." "Where will I put my hose?" ""I can't hold it and hold this thing." ""Where's the hose go?" ""I put a hose under my arm and then I fight the fire."" "This is on a serious note." "Recently we received a letter from a woman, Gladys, who..." "Well, Pocket Flan saved her life." "[all] All right." "She was a backpacker." "She was stuck out in the woods... and, by God, Pocket Flan..." "I can't think of it." "I wanted to say some tearful thing, but I couldn't think of a thing." "ÿÿ[audience clapping]"