"[HUMS]" "Pizza delivery!" "Wow!" "So this is a real TV station?" "Well, it's a Fox affiliate." "What's on now?" "Single Female Lawyer's season finale." "You want to watch?" "That's a chick show." "I prefer programs of the genre "World's Blankiest Blank. "" "She's in the world's shortiest skirt." "I'm in." "Counselor, it's unethical to sleep with your client." "If you care about the case, you should sleep with me." "It's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer." "But this is a unisex bathroom!" "Overruled, counselor." "Could you repeat that last part?" "My God!" "You knocked Fox off the air." "Like anyone on Earth cares." "Could you repeat that last p--?" "I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer..." "... andhercompellingly short garment!" "ANNOUNCER:" "Due to technical difficulties  we bring you eight animated shows in a row." "When Aliens Attack" "What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost?" "Get to work, lazy boat bag!" "Quit it, Hermes!" "It's Labor Day!" "The phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by union gangsters?" "That's the one." "Hot damn, a day off!" "Who's up for one last summer beach trip?" "Oh, yeah." "Ready Freddy!" "I think I'll stay here." "You're wasting your life in front of that TV." "You need to see the real world." "It's HDTV." "It has better resolution than the real world." "Everyone's too polite to say you're covered with bed sores." "Not covered." "Just get in the car." "Here we are!" "Monument Beach!" "Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa?" "They're both in New York?" "In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a villainous governor." "He stole most of the world's monuments." "Truly a great man." "Look at him up there." "[BENDER WHISTLES]" "[HUMS]" "[MOANS]" "[BEEPS RAPIDLY]" "Aha!" "Found you!" "Okay, now you go hide." "Nice knowing you." "Oh!" "Come on, I passed it right to you!" "Oh!" "I've had it with this game." "I'm going for a scuttle." "Okay, everyone!" "Come and get it!" "Like my dad used to make, until McDonald's fired him." "Bite my red-hot glowing ass!" "Wait a minute." "Red-hot glowing ass?" "I'll be right back." "Oh, yeah." "No!" "Nibbler!" "Professor?" "I need another bikini." "Okay, I think there's one can left." "Oh, my." "There." "How do I look?" "Like a cheap French harlot." "French?" "Say, dollface." "How'd you like to make time with a real man?" "No." "I'm not attracted to bullies, no matter how big..." "... andhandsometheyare ." "Go ahead." "I got a lot of work to do." "Sir, you don't understand." "I'm a professional beach bully." "I pretend to steal your girl, you punch me, I go down..." "... sheswoons,youslipme50 bucks ." "$50?" "!" "Not even if she was my girlfriend." "Take her." "Fry!" "Although I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach." "No, thanks, ma'am." "I'm actually gay." "Uh-oh." "Help!" "Help!" "[BENDER WHISTLES]" "You gotta spring me!" "I won't survive in here!" "I'm too pretty!" "All right, all right." "I'll bust you out." "[ALARM SOUNDS]" "Cheese it!" "Voilá!" "The greatest sandcastle ever built." "King Arthur would've lived in it if he were a fiddler crab." "We should get a picture before the tide comes in." "Does anyone have a camera?" "Right here." "Wait, I want to be in the picture too!" "Pretend you're happy." "Oh, my God!" "What in Babylon?" "No!" "HERMES:" "Faster!" "We'll die, won't we?" "I should think so." "Although last time aliens invaded..." "... theyforcedthemostintelligentof us to pair off and mate continuously." "Oh, yes." "Once again, today's winning lotto number was four." "Alien saucers continue to rain destruction upon Earth." "We go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal." "Ladies and gentlemen, our course is clear." "It's time to knuckle under." "Get down on all fours and lick boot." "Give our alien masters whatever they" "People of Earth." "I am Lure of the planet Omicron Persei Eight." "Is this thing on?" "Now then, we want the one you call McNeal." "Give us McNeal or we'll waste your cities with our anti-monument laser." "We demand McNeal!" "As I was saying, mankind would sooner perish  than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal  whoever he is." "Am I right?" "Now, the man leading our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the Gandhi Nebula pacifists 25-star general, Zapp Brannigan." "Look, it's that idiotic windbag you slept with." "The Earth's under attack." "Can't we forget about that?" "Evidently not." "If there's an alien out there I can 't kill I haven 't killed him yet." "I can 't go it alone." "I order every available ship to report for duty." "If you have no ship, secure a weapon." "Fire wildly in the air." "You heard the windbag: we're drafted." "Everyone into the ship." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Hold on." "I won't fight." "I'm a conscientious objector." "A what?" "You know." "A coward." "As it's an emergency all robots ' patriotism circuits will be activated." "It's every robot's duty to give his life for humanity." "Oh, crap." "We're from different cultures." "Some are white, some are black." "You're brown." "And you're silver." "But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese." "You'll learn to die together." "Right, soldier?" "Well, actually l" "Sir, yes, sir!" "Sir!" "Remember, our mission is simple:" "destroy all aliens." "Um, uh... ." "Not me, sir." "Oh, yes, right." "Nobody destroy Kif." "Unless you have to." "Oh-ho-ho." "The luscious Captain Leela." "This is turning into one sexy struggle for the future of the human race." "Thanks." "I'm not technically human." "Right, right." "Nobody destroy Leela, either." "The key to victory is discipline." "That means a well-made bed." "Practice until you make your bed in your sleep." "While I sleep in it?" "You won't have time to sleep with all the bed-making you'll do." "The alien mother ship's here." "If we hit that bull's-eye..." "... therestof thedominoeswill fall  like a house of cards." "Checkmate." "My strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it." "On my command, all ships file directly into..." "... aliendeathcannons, clogging them with wreckage." "Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first--?" "Sir!" "I volunteer for a suicide mission." "Aw, cut it out!" "When I'm in command, son, every mission's a suicide mission." "Which reminds me." "Perhaps before we head into battle..." "... you'dliketo makelove,incase one of us doesn't come back?" "We should wait till after, in case neither of us comes back." "Here's hoping." "I'll be a science-fiction hero, like Uhura or Captain Janeway or Xena." "This isn 't TV, it's real life." "Can 't you tell the difference?" "Sure." "I just like TV better." "[MIMICS SOUND OF GUNFIRE]" "Damage report!" "The auxiliary power's out and they spilled my cocktail." "All right, scum wads." "This one's for Bender's cocktail." "We did it!" "We won!" "Yeah, but it'll never bring back my martini." "Well, who wants a martini?" "Good work, everyone." "The mother ship is destroyed." "What is that?" "It appears to be the mother ship." "Then what did we just blow up?" "The Hubble Telescope." "Stop exploding, you cowards!" "It's hopeless." "If we'll be blown to bits, we'll do it it in the comfort of our home." "You're the captain." "You're the delivery boy." "And you'll be the alcoholic, foul-mouthed" "God, you're alive!" "I mean, thank God you're alive!" "Sorry." "Check back in three days." "A week at the most." "We want McNeal!" "Stop stalling!" "Now, a rebuttal from President McNeal." "The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself." "Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with" "Here he is!" "Come and get him." "You are not McNeal!" "Huh?" "You are not the one we want." "Thank you, glorious masters." "I" "Give us McNeal!" "That was McNeal." "No, McNeal." "The Single Female Lawyer." "She's promiscuous." "Wears miniskirts." "Really?" "Miniskirts?" "That sounds familiar." "McNeal, an unmarried human female..." "... strugglingtosucceed in a human male's world." "Maybe that's her excuse for incompetence." "Silence!" "We will accept no more decoys." "This is the McNeal." "Wait, I know her." "You do not, you big fat liar." "You don't know anyone." "All you do is watch TV." "That's where I know her from." "Jenny McNeal." "She was a character on a 20th-century TV show, Single Female Lawyer." "If they hope to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1 000 years..." "... they'reroyallyboned." "We'll raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow." "8:00 Central." "I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all." "They'll destroy the Earth..." "... iftheydon'tsee aTV show  about some bimbo lawyer?" "How could they know about a show from 1 000 years ago?" "Omicron Persei Eight's about 1 000 light years away." "The electromagnetic waves would have just gotten there." "You see" "Magic." "Got it." "Back in 1 999, Single Female Lawyer's season finale..." "... wasinterruptedby  technical problems." "Some idiot spilled Coke on the transmitter." "Beer." "I would think." "They want to see that episode." "Let's find the tape." "No copies are left." "Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443..." "... duringthesecondcomingofJesus ." "I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode." "I could make up an ending we'd act out." "I could make the costumes." "I have an old five-megawatt broadcasting tower." "And I could be an acting coach!" "Let's put on a show!" "Leela, you'll star as Jenny" "Uh-uh." "Forget it." "A:" "I'm camera shy." "B:" "I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays." "Plus, you don't have the thighs for a miniskirt." "Give me the script." "Places everyone!" "Okay... ." "All set." "Lights!" "Camera one!" "Camera two!" "Camera three!" "[CAMERA THREE BUZZES]" "Prepare the water cooler..." "... thatwemaygatherarounditlater to discuss things." "BENDER:" "Single Female Lawyer" "Fighting for her client" "Wearing sexy miniskirts" "And being self-reliant" "I'm pretty good." "McNeal, you are charged with jury tampering in last week's case..." "... duetoyourhot ,nakedaffairwith the foreman." "How do you plead?" "I move for a mistrial..." "... asI 'malsohavingahot, naked affair with the foreman of this jury." "I'll see you during the recess." "If she wants to be taken seriously, why not tear the judge's head off?" "It is true what they say." "Women are from Persei Seven." "Men are from Persei Nine." "Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez." "Gracias." "Single Female Lawyer, where were you the night of August 23rd?" "Sleeping with you!" "Aha!" "Getting back to the matter... ." "If it please the court... ." "There's nothing else here." "You only wrote two pages of dialogue." "It took an hour to write." "I thought it'd take an hour to read." "What do we do now?" "I don't know." "Say anything, if it's compelling and mesmerizing." "A tour de force." "Uh... ." "What say you, Single Female Lawyer?" "I say I'm giving up the law!" "And I'm giving up being single!" "Your Honor, will you marry me?" "[HUMS A CLIFF-HANGER TUNE]" "Oh, no!" "Go to commercial!" "We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo." "Married?" "Jenny can't get married!" "Why not?" "It's clever, unexpected." "That's not why people watch TV!" "Clever things make people feel stupid." "Unexpected things make them feel scared." "Attention, McNeal." "Your unexpected marriage plan scares us." "You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer." "So shall you remain, or else!" "See?" "TV audiences don't want originality." "They want what they've seen 1 000 times before." "What you talking about, Fry?" "Trust me." "While other people lived their lives, I watched TV." "Deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world." "Plus I'd have lost Workman's Comp if I went outside." "Read these cue cards." "And action." "Miss McNeal, I must decline your offer of marriage." "For you see, I'm dying." "Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead." "I'll now make my closing statement." "With my fiancé deceased..." "... IherebyreturntomySingle Female Lawyer career..." "... nomatterwhatany man says." "We find the defendant vulnerable, yet spunky." "Hooray!" "And cut!" "Single Female Lawyer" "Having lots of sex" " Huh?" "McNeal, we are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen." "Overall, I would rate it a C-Plus." "Okay, not great." "As a result, we will not destroy your planet." "Neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality." "Way to overact, Zoidberg." "Now we must return to our planet  to catch a 1000-year-old Leno monologue." "You did it, Fry!" "Yep." "It was just knowing the secret of all TV shows." "At the end of the episode, everything is right back to normal."