"Thisstorybegins with Christopher Colombus." "ColombuswasthefirstItalianto dream of going to America." "America was a an obsession for him." "Wecouldsaythathewasborn with the American dream." "EvennowadaysmanyEuropeans are born with the American dream." "Thisdreamis expressed in different ways." "Forexample,withwhole-meal cooking diets." "Today is an even day:" "Appetizer of 2 row carrots, wheat cereals with honey, an asparagus dipped in molasses..." " Any fruit?" " Grapefruit juice with salt and pepper." "Grapefruit juice, with salt... and pepper." "TheAmericandream can also be expressed by means of noisily chewing hole-shaped candies at the movies." "Orbymeansofa badly-hiddendesire to imitate the most intense feelings of some famous Hollywood star." "HowmanyEuropeansdream of going to America!" "America, full of charms!" "Ofamazinglights!" "WhilealltheAmericansdream to travelling to, to Rome, there in Trastevere lives the only American man who dreams of going to America." "He'sa weirdAmericanguy ,bornand bred in Trastevere:" "Nando Mericoni." "He'stherobustyoungman you can admire in this picture." "Thosearenothis realmuscles, they belong to the winner of some American competition with the title of "Mister Universe"." "Thisishisroom." "Small and simple, but Nando likes it because all he needs is there." "Americanflags,Westerncartoons, baseball gloves and Betty's pictures with dedication..." "written by Nando himself." "Theonlythingsinthehouse thatNando can't turn American are his parents." " That's it...!" " Augusto, can't you sleep?" "No, thinking about that scoundrel, past midnight he's still outside!" " He's not my son!" " Calm down, you have asthma!" "My asthma is his fault!" "Sandro's son got a job at the post-office and he's just 20 years old!" "When his father retires, they won't have money problems!" " But Nando..." "Nando..." " Augusto, take care!" "But Nando...that's why I got asthma!" " What would be of Nando without my job?" " He's still young!" " Maybe because he's so crazy..." " He's stupid!" "What can you expect from him?" "He wants to be an artist, a dancer!" "He works for two days and wastes his time for two months!" "He wants to be American!" "But American folks have money!" "I'll give him a lesson tonight..." "..that American!" "Every night the same story!" "Where does he go?" "What does he do?" " Calm down!" " Where does he go?" "Where?" "No use looking for help in that direction." "Before Wing will arrive in town, Hopalong Cassidy will be a dead man." "SHOTS" "What are you going to do?" "Before I kill you tell me something, Cassidy." "I don't like to make the same mistake twice." "While you were having breakfast I got a gun with blank shots." "SHOOTS" "SHOOTS" "(What a movie!" "See how they killed Joe?" ")" "(That was Jim." "See how he strangled him?" ")" "(Just like a steel lock.)" "Eh, dark-hair!" "Dark-hair, I'm talking to you, come on!" "Time to go!" "Every night the same story!" " I must go, I can't wait for you!" " (IN AMERICAN) Shut up!" " I'll kill you!" " Me?" "I'll smash your face!" ""Gattomammone", I saw you." "You pretend to read!" "You're a spy!" "Talk!" "Talk!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "I must kill you." "STEPS" "Somebody's coming!" "That was you, you talked!" "Take my gift!" "Bang!" "I must hide." "I'm joking." "It's not loaded." "It's legal!" "I'm joking!" "I'm joking!" "They're not loaded, I have them for protection." "If some "freak", you never know..." "Dad!" "I live in this "house", this is my place." " You lazy..!" " Hello, daddy!" "My daddy, he's joking!" "There's a night caretaker." "He gave me keys." "Quiet, daddy." "Everybody knows you, don't they?" "I'm an adult." "I can come home whenever I want." "I can even get back at 3 a.m.!" "I'm over 21." "(AUGUSTO) Don't mind him, he's just stupid!" "Bang!" "(POLICE) You scoundrel!" "Stop bothering me!" "Why should I get such a stupid son?" " What happened?" " He's even making fun of the policemen!" "I want to sleep!" "Sleep!" "I'm going to sleep." "Think you catch me, eh?" "I can kill you!" "I can kill you all!" "Right, call Joe!" "MACCARONI!" "That's peasant food!" "I don't eat MACCARONI, I'm American!" "Red wine?" "I don't drink red wine!" " Americans don't drink wine and don't eat MACCARONI!" " I'll sleep." "Americans eat JAM." "That's American food!" "Yogurt, MUSTARD... that's how the Americans beat the Apache!" "The Americans don't drink wine, they drink milk!" "That's why they don't get drunk!" "Have you ever seen a drunk American?" "I've never seen one." "Americans are strong." "WOW, the Americans!" "You can't fight the Americans!" "They eat JAM!" "MACCARONE, I'll kill you!" "Stop staring at me like that!" "You look like a worm, MACCARONE." "That's American food!" "Yogurt, JAM, MUSTARD..." "'MUSTARD'." "How do they call it?" "'Mustard'." "Some milk." "That's what the Americans eat." "Good, healthy food." "MACCARONI." "Gee, that's disgusting!" "The Americans..." "MACCARONE, you provoked me and now I'll kill you!" "I'll eat you!" "This is for the cat." "This is for the rat." "This is to kill bugs." "And I'll drink milk." "I'm American." "Worm, I'll eat you." " Can you hear him?" " Calm down." " I'll kill him!" " Let's sleep." " Ok." "(IN AMERICAN) Five, five, four, five, three." "TELEPHONE RINGING" " The Chamber!" " That's so annoying!" "There must be elections!" "Where are my trousers?" " Hello?" " (IN AMERICAN) Hello?" "55543?" "I say 55543?" "Isn't that the Chamber?" "I'm Mr. Borgiani." "Who's speaking?" "Sandy Bailors, America ATTRESCION." " Must be the American embassy." " At this hour?" " American time!" " It must be the crude oil commission." " Let me listen." "Yes, (IN FRENCH) Yes, I'm Mr.Borgiani." "(NANDO) Who gives a damn?" "I want to talk to Elvy." "But who's it?" "Elvy!" "Elvira!" "Is Elvira there?" "I'm Nando, her boyfriend." "Scoundrel!" "I'll report it to the Chamber!" "Bothering an official after midnight!" "Jerk!" "Don't touch me!" "Quiet, you understand?" "Quiet!" "(IN AMERICAN) Shut up!" "You hung up!" "?" "Did you hang up on Sandy Bailors?" " What did he want?" " I don't know him!" " Who did he want to speak to?" " Some 'Elvira'." " Elvira is the servant!" "Servants don't receive phone calls so late at night!" "Calm down, I changed servants six times this year and she is a good one!" "I stay home with the kids while you go to Parliament..." " Do you think I have fun at Parliament?" " I wouldn't know!" "TELEPHONE RINGING" " You answer!" " If the electors would know that!" "Hello?" "Is it for Elvira?" "Wait a moment, I call her." " Happy now?" " Sure." "BELL" "Mr Borgiani, you're finished!" "You've made a big mistake." "Did you hang up on me?" "No one hangs up on Nando Mericoni." "If you're sorry, I can forgive you, my dear Mr Borgiani." "(IN AMERICAN) Elvy, my dear!" "Nando, you shouldn't disturb so late at night!" "No disturbance!" "Don't worry, my Elvy, I've calmed him down." "Tomorrow is a great day." "It's going to be a big show." "Italy will know who Sandy Bailors is." "Who's Sandy Bailors?" "That's me." "The new star:" "Nando Mericoni, alias Sandy Bailors." "I'll see you tomorrow at the gala show." "Dress nice." "It's going to be exciting." "I'll dance like Gene Kelly." "SINGING IN FAKE AMERICAN" "Nando, you even sing at night!" " Go to sleep." " Sleep?" " Yes." " Just listen to him!" " Try to sleep." "IMITATING DOUBLE-BASS SOUND" " Nando, go to sleep!" " Mamy, aren't you sleeping?" " Dad's very angry, and he's right!" " When we go to America, the black woman will be singing old songs about cotton fields." " Be quiet!" "SINGING A GOSPEL SONG" "# Alleluia!" "Alleluia!" "#" " Mamy, "the water"!" " What's this thing?" "It's an American invention." "See the tap?" "See this tube?" "All the offices on 5th Av have it." "Pure, sterilized, American..." " Gee, that's disgusting!" " Can't you ever be serious?" " Mamy, daddy, I love you." " Stop it!" "Put down that thing!" "Club, Mamy." "This club is going to be signed by Joe Di Maggio." " Do you know who he is?" " Nando!" " You don't know who Joe Di Maggio is?" " Nando!" "That's difficult." "Joe Di Maggio is a young Italian man" " that moved to Kansas City..." "when he was a kid" " Always this Kansas City!" "This kid took a club..." "and married MARILINA." "I wish I had moved to Kansas City!" "But scarlet fever prevented me." "Can you remember, Mamy?" "Hello, daddy?" "Don't bother Mamy." " (IN AMERICAN) Mamma, are you sleeping?" " Go to bed." "SINGING A LULLABY IN FAKE AMERICAN" "What's up?" "Let me go!" " What are you doing?" "Stop it!" " I'll kill you!" "You beat me with Joe Di Maggio's club!" "You'll pay for that!" "You'll see!" "Sooner or later you'll hear about me!" "MUSIC" "If this tough guy can make it to America...!" "Did you want to beat me?" "You can't, I have `'strong legs"...!" "(IN AMERICAN) Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten." "Stop!" " Do you want to see the figures?" " Sure." " Who's shouting?" " No big deal, that's Mericoni." "That loser who came begging for a job?" "Remember my image, this dirty theatre is just a start." "When I come in like Gene Kelly, you should fly like Rita Hayworth." "But all you can do is fall on me!" "You're so clumsy!" " You know what I say?" "Up yours!" " I'm the Italian Gene Kelly!" " Gene what?" " The Italian Gene Kelly!" " Whatever I do is out of sacrifice and self-abnegation." "Your company might be as contagious as a virus!" "I'm sorry, but you are really bad!" " Who are you?" " (TOGETHER) The "sister"." "Where do they come from?" "You're always looking down at your shoes!" "I'm here because my father wants me to, otherwise I would be in Broadway and not in this filthy mess!" " This theatre is a pigsty." " What is it?" " A pigsty!" " Armando, get rid of him immediately." " "Mister Commenda", I was joking." " Quiet, get out of here." " Stop!" " I was joking." " This is a famous great theatre." " Stop!" " I was joking." " Go away!" " That's a very difficult show with the 'girl'." " I want a foreign 'girl'." " Then they're what you really need." " So..." " They look foreign, all with different looks." "The first two are gammy, the ones in the middle are cross-eyed, so..." " Don't mind him." " I'm illustrating the show." " We're busy." " What do you want, I don't even know you!" "Then we have the fanatic soubrette, but I can master her, because she'll give us..." "I don't give anything." " How dare you?" " I'm joking." " You beggar!" " Give him 2.000 liras." "Let's do 2.500, 2 soups each, we are eight." "Ok, but you play the show with the lights on, I want to see your stuff." "Sure." "At 'nut-seller' rhythm!" "Sandy Bailors the nut-seller!" " I can't stand this!" " (NANDO) Cheer up, girl!" "FAKE AMERICAN SINGING" "Stop!" "Everybody stop!" "We'll get an ovation." "That's sure." "O.K.?" "We'll get an ovation." "MUSIC" "Elvy!" "WHISTLING" "I'll come in" " Gene Kelly style." "That's my boyfriend." "Cute, isn't he?" "FAKE AMERICAN SINGING" "Nando, what are you doing?" "Stop it!" " Who's he?" " That's Mericoni." "Nut-seller!" "Nut-seller!" "PRRR" "LAUGHING" "Are they laughing?" "Start over again, girl!" "PRRR Are you talking to me?" "You're 21 and it's time to know who your parents are." " Is that your boyfriend?" " Congratulations!" "Elvira!" ""Good-bye, good-bye"." "You to make me feel so ashamed!" "Don't get me going." "Sandy Bailors can't accept humiliation." "Tomorrow you're going to rehearse until your bones hurt!" " There is no tomorrow." "Get rid of him." " What?" ""Mister Commenda", what do you mean?" "It's just for 2 days!" "Damn!" "My father wants me to be here!" "(Nando, where are you going?" ") (I don't know, I can't stand all this.)" "(Your place is in America, here they can't understand you.)" "(Stop!" "Look!" ")" "(This is the story of a young American man,)" "(who in order to obtain what this world couldn't give,)" "(climbed on top of a skyscraper,)" "(and said: "I'm gonna jump if you don't give me what I want.")" "(What are you thinking about?" "Any ideas?" ")" "(Do you want to try?" ")" "(Just climb a height and they will notice you." "They have to!" ")" "Listen to me!" "Can you hear me?" "Folks of Rome, you are all at my feet!" "Listen!" "I must go to America!" "I've climbed the highest tops of every monument in the world!" " Who's that?" " Maybe it's just advertising." " Come down." " If you won't send me to America, I'll jump down!" " Listen!" " Let me go!" " Who's he?" " I'm the father of that madman!" "Nando!" "Nando, what are you doing?" "Come down!" "You!" "What do you want, 'father'?" "Let me be." "Come down!" "Nando, come down!" "Soon 'my father', your 'boy' will go to America!" "Come down, I won't harm you." "What do you say?" "Speak louder, I can't hear you!" "What?" "Oh God!" "My son!" "So." "Are you feeling better?" " My God!" " What's up?" " My son is going to jump down!" " He won't jump, he wants to go to America." " It's an obsession!" " Since when?" " More than 10 years ago." "Since the German occupation!" "Do you remember those bad times?" "Every night I had to lock him in his room to keep him safe." " One night..." "TELEPHONE RINGING" " Hello?" " Dad, it's Nando." "You should be in your room!" "You scoundrel!" "I'm at the junkyard." "We're arranging our plan." "Let me see." "It's time." "Behind me there's my band." " What are you doing?" " One day you'll realize and be proud of me." "I can't tell now, but I'm organizing something that will be known allover the world." "Really?" "Take care, dear, you're the only son we have." "Goodbye, dad, I must go." "Say hi to Mamy." " Augusto, what's up?" " Once my son was a child," " now he is a man." " What he's going to do?" "He can't tell on the phone." "Maybe it's something dangerous, but good for the Country." "Something heroic!" "JAZZ MUSIC" "As soon as the Americans will be here, we'll go to Broadway!" " O.K. Boys?" " (TOGETHER) O.K.!" " If we should wait for the Americans, then we go in 2000!" " Shut up." "They're outside!" "(IN AMERICAN) One, two, three!" "SPEAKING IN GERMAN" "ORDERS IN GERMAN" "The American were outside, weren't they?" "PLANE NOISE" "1,2,3,4,5!" "You always say they're bombing the Comando, but they're getting close to us." "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "They know what to do!" "The Americans are unfailing!" "The planes are pointing and..." " And "bombing" us!" " Did they bombed us?" "They did!" "ORDER IN GERMAN" "Yes, ass-hole." "I didn't mean in a bad way..." "They won't win this war, they can't master the language." "On the contrary, the Americans..." "Zac!" " The Americans are three km away." " Yes, since three months ago!" "They are taking their time, waiting." "Since I can master the language, when they will arrive," " I won't have any problems." " Can you speak the language?" " Sure." "SINGING IN UNINTELLIGIBLE AMERICAN" "Nothing... ass-hole." " These are silly songs." " Silly songs?" "I can translate..." "SPEAKING FAKE AMERICAN" " Tonight you must come at Tullio's place." " Who's he?" "The radio-technical they caught because he got a radio." " He made an other one. - To hear voices from America?" " Yes." " The Jazz!" " What jazz, you stupid!" " Tullio wants to talk to the Americans." " Really?" " Yes." " Tonight will go at Tullio's." " Ok." "Here is he!" "Joe!" "Joe, I'm here!" "Sandy Bailors is here!" "Bomb the Headquarters!" "Bomb the Headquarters like in American movies. 1,2,3,4,5!" " WOW!" " We got it again." "No, mistake of "seven" instead of "five"." "What's going on with Germany!" "Joe, you are great!" "ORDERS IN GERMAN" "Cicalone!" " Cicalone, wow..." " Ssshh!" " Tullio, we have an interpreter." " He's an American prisoner." "SPEAKING FAKE AMERICAN" " I do not understand anything." " (NANDO) Radio." " Yes, radio!" " I MADE this tool in three months." " "Three months"." " Lot of work." " Little valve?" " Yes, 4 valves." " "Four"." " Stuff stolen in camp toilets." " "Water closet"!" " Swiped away." " SWIPED AWAY!" " He got it!" "Wow!" "You completely robbed those poor Germans!" " Who are you?" " Who am I?" " You are not American!" " Don't bother me, I'm Sandy Bailors!" "I've been blocked by a German monster." "I'll talk to the Americans because I can master the language." " Hello, America?" " Sshh!" " Sandy Bailors Corporation speaking." " That's not a joke!" "I'm not joking!" "I can talk because I can master the language." " One moment!" " What's up?" " I've something for you." " For me?" "What is it?" " Take this." " Thanks, what should I do with this wire?" " It's the wire of the radio." " The radio?" "Yes, you should plug it into the power cable." " Me?" " Yes." " Sandy Bailors?" "I'm going out, roll on the ground, grope like a snail..." " Mind the Germans, they are shooting." " At me?" " If they see you." " The Germans?" "To Sandy Bailors?" " Is it an heroic act?" " Sure." " I'm going." " Go." " I'm going." " Do you want to go?" " Go!" "WHISTLING MARINES ANTHEM" " Three months of work!" "Who is he?" " Don't worry." "The snail's gonna plug the wire into the power cable." "Where's the cable?" "Here it is." "LOUD SPEAKER WHISTLE" "I unplug everything." "There it is." "Gosh!" "There, it must be you." "Gosh, the shock!" "GERMAN SPEAKING" " Mission accomplished. - We should be on their same radio signal." "Tell them that the German Santabarbara is under the Red Cross curtains." " Can they hear me?" " Sure." "WHISTLE - (FROM LOUDSPEAKER) Can they hear me?" "America, can you hear me?" "Sandy Bailors speaking." "America, can you hear me?" " Yes, but you must transmit in American." " O.K." "America, listen this." "UNINTELLIGIBLE AMERICAN" "Put a towel on your head, or they can see the light from outside." "UNINTELLIGIBLE AMERICAN" "SIRENE" "The alarm!" "The Americans are coming!" "Our guys are arriving!" "Finally!" "Let's go toward the Headquarters." "Block them here until we are back." "You COMPRESCION?" "ATTENDESCION." "NANDO SINGS MARINES ANTHEM" "HE PRETENDS TO SING IN GERMAN" "Master, the Iron Pact?" "There is the Axis!" "Let's cheer to victory!" "Let's forget!" "PRETENDS TO SING IN GERMAN" "I was cheering to victory." "What happened?" "Master!" "Where are you going?" "My God!" "They are going to kill me!" "Damn!" "God, I'm scared!" "My blood's running cold!" "We need to find a solution." "They want to kill me, Adolfo." "You must help me, the world is little, we'll meet again." "My father is a Post officer, you might need him one day." "I'm scared!" "Let me go!" " (IN AMERICAN) Well?" " A hug!" "I take a cigar." "In the American movies, when somebody gets into his office, he grabs a cigar." "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "What is he saying?" "You are guilty of sabotage, of espionage and opposition to the American troops." "You are condemned to execution." " Execution?" "Who?" " You." "Me?" "Are you kidding?" "You are kidding!" "You kidding!" "Tell him!" "You are my friend!" "Master, I've been a scout, I climbed mountains." "I had scarlet fever for three years." "I'm full of blisters." "Look." "Are you kidding?" "I'm Fred Astaire's friend." "Do you know him?" "They call me the Italian Gene Kelly." "If I hadn't been that sick!" "Look, this is my show..." "SINGING IN FAKE AMERICAN" "I can't make a pirouette because my blood's getting cold." "Send him to the criminal asylum in Antwerp." " Nando, what are you doing up there?" " He's up there!" " Are you his girlfriend?" " No, we just had sex." " Ah!" " He was singing all the time and didn't want to marry me." "Singing?" "He's dancing now!" " Nando, wait!" " Witless." "Stupid!" "Keep them away!" "You poltroon, you fainted!" " Is he going to get hurt, if he falls?" " No, he will die." " You distract him." " Nando, can you see me?" " Come down, funny guy!" " Nando, come down." "Look in what conditions is your "love", on top of the Colosseum!" "Go away, I don't want to see you anymore." "That's not my fault if you are up there, is it?" "This is family business." "Please, distract him." " Nando, come down!" " No!" "I won't." "You are my only love." " He's my only love." " That's family business." "I don't like that movies guy, he's a peasant." ""I don't like"!" "How nice of you!" "Damn you and the peasant!" "Today he's a peasant, yesterday he was Gedeone, the man with lion's paws." "Nothing!" "I don't believe you!" " Well?" " It's Nando's fault if they won't let me in into the governor's house." "I'm their servant." "Last Sunday he brought me home too late." "Nando wanted to go to Ostia, to the beach." "He came with his motorbike and scared me." " Nando, not so fast!" " Elvy, "look" Silver Dart." "This is my racing car!" " Did you steal it?" " No, the sheriff of Kansas City sold it to me, the one working at the junkyard." "With this "card" don't I look like a POLIS "street"?" " Stop it!" " Aahh!" "Did I scare you?" " See you at San Diego." "Bye!" " I'm coming down!" " What's going on over there?" " None of your business!" "A truck is blocking the way to an American car!" " I'll take care!" " None of your business." " That's my job." "Hello, Joe." "I'll let you pass." " Stay away, dwarf!" " Dwarf?" " Let's go!" " What do you want?" "Who are you?" " Sandy Bailors from the police of Kansas City!" " Who cares!" " Let me pass." " I can't!" " Don't bother." "Go!" " We'll meet again!" " "Come on"!" "VOICES OVERLAPPING" "Hold on!" " Hold on!" " Crazy!" "CAMAN, CAMAN, "Help" America!" "I made him a favor and now he will be my friend forever." "You want me dead!" " Come on, don't waste time." " Calm down, Elvy!" "We are lucky because we know two Americans." "They're from Washington." "SPEAKING IN FAKE AMERICAN" "Wow, what a car!" "Silver dart!" "Yes, sir." "Kansas City Police." ""You" no UNDERSTAND American." "I get it." "There are women here, Calm down." ""Fish"." "Wow, you're so ugly!" "I get it, fish!" "You want to eat fish." "You want river fish." "I'm going to explain to you." "Hurry up, don't be stupid!" "ATTENSCION." "You "take" your STRIT, you can't get WRONG." "All right?" "In that LOCALITESCION there is Osteria dello Zozzetto." "Don't turn right, there is Maranella ravine." "SUMMARIESCION." "You follow your MEN and can't get there WRONG." "In that LOCALITESCION there is Osteria dello Zozzetto." "Thanks, but I'm working." "Kansas City policemen don't smoke." "O.K. Don't turn right, there is the Maranella ravine." " Stop being silly, let's go." " O.K." "Not on the right!" "American, why did you turn right?" "ATTENSCION!" "There is the Maranella RAVINE!" "He wants to die!" " Let's go, they will arrest you for culpable homicide." " Shut up!" "WHEELS SCREECH" "We lost the American." "American!" "SIRENE" "American, I'm here!" "AMERICAN SPEAKING" ""You" DED?" "Are you dead, American?" " That's serious!" " The American is stuck!" " Let's go!" " No, I already realized about the disaster." "That's the typical disaster of American movies." "American, I'm coming!" "What do you want?" "I'm having a snack." "Don't worry walrus, I'll rescue you." "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "I can't understand, what do you want?" "Some music?" "I`ll cheer you up, American." "SINGING UNINTELLIGIBLE AMERICAN" "Damn American!" "Are you an animal?" "You bite?" "American, I can beat you on James Cagney's way!" "I got you, American." "American, what's up?" "Wow, he's sleeping!" "Ammazza, what a blow!" "James Cagney's way!" "You're piece of wood!" "Wow, what a bang!" "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "Shut up, stupid, he's sleeping!" "He can't hear you." "I'm going to give a call to the person in charge, American's way!" "Elvy, I'm going to make a call, will be back soon." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "That's me, I was saying "hello" in American." "I have great news." " I have an "ace in the hole"." " Ace?" "What is he talking about?" "(NANDO) We are witness of a great crash." "Location Maranella ravine." "Yes, Maranella ravine." "Hello?" "An American guy has a foot stuck under the car." "Yes, that's great." "I'll keep him until you arrive!" "Tell the press, the media, BBC, CCD, DDT, the storyteller, the ice-cream man, the carousel, set a party!" "The true "ace in the hole"!" "Wow, what a ace in the hole!" "Sure, we'll bring the cameras, the media, the nuts seller." "Maranella Ravine?" "I'll personally take care about the DDT." "Don't worry, goodbye." " Nando!" " Wow, what a blow!" "Did you abandon them?" "You should stay here!" "The policeman is at home, you will go to jail!" " No problems, i know what to do." " I saw the police!" "SIRENE" "No police, this is the Red Cross!" " They are taking away the American!" " The American?" "There inside?" "Are they taking away the American?" "Damn, they took away the American!" "(NURSE) Don't move, it's worse!" "Don't worry!" " They took away the American!" " The police!" "Can you hear the sirens?" " The police!" "They are after me!" " Let's go!" "Come on, "darling", let's find a shelter." "They won't have me!" " Don't worry, we bring you to Rome." " Let's give him some wine." "Did you see a young guy dressed like a policeman?" "We are after him too!" "Look what he did to my aunt!" " Alright." " Wait!" " If we find him, it is our duty to keep him!" " Thanks." " It could be the motorbike of that crazy guy." " Yes, we are close." "Look that way." " Come, auntie, let's go." " Even the police is after him!" " I wonder what did he do!" " If I catch him, he'll see...!" "Let's go!" "There he is!" "Shut up, they're after me." "The dwarf!" "OVERLAPPING VOICES" "SIRENES" " There he is!" " Try to catch him." " Better to talk to him again." " Get down!" "No, do you have a passport?" "Go up!" "Follow him!" "Damned you!" " (NANDO) Do you have the passport?" " You, quick!" "Where are you going?" "Is it raining?" " Damn!" " Stop!" "Wow!" " Why did you stop?" "Get up!" " He spits!" "Who cares!" "Get up!" "Stop being silly!" "Calm down!" "I defend myself within the limits of democracy." "I use harmless weapons." "Stop it!" " Are you a real reporter?" " Sure." " Are you going to write my name on the news?" " Sure." "Write down:" "Pellacchioni Romolo... di Pasquale." "Pel-lac-chio-ni." "As I told you, when the history with the German was over," "Nando started again about his obsession." "He tried to find a way to go to America." "Hehadagreatidea ." "Hestartedto workwithme in a place full of Americans." "All right?" "O.K." "They are always happy, they laugh..." "They are NICE." "Cicalone, come here." "An American woman keeps on starting at me." "This is my moment, I'll marry an American." "Go away." "SINGING" "(IN AMERICAN) It's wonderful!" "Nice." ""Wonderful girl", I was waiting for you." " (IN AMERICAN) Perfect." " Yes." "I've been waiting you for 30 years." "AMERICAN faerie." "My faerie." "Cicalone, she's touching me!" "I feel like dying!" "You are Chinese!" "Who cares, an American Chinese!" "Where will you take me?" "To Kansas City?" "You're lucky!" "I can master the buffalo!" "I'll break your neck!" "Yes, dear, tell to daddy!" " No." " (IN AMERICAN) Why not?" "No!" "Even if you would die!" "(IN AMERICAN) You are the right guy for my friend." " Why not?" "I'm joking, just to make you jealous." "Look at my package!" "Do you want a watch?" "You are so expensive!" "All right!" ""Molly Brooke PANT." Is it your name?" "What are these?" "10.000 liras?" "I'll keep them on my heart." " (IN AMERICAN) Tomorrow at 5." " I've been waiting you for 30 years!" "Good-bye, Molly." "Good-bye, Brooke!" "Cicalone, hurry up!" "I knew!" "This is because I can master the language." "Molly Brooke PANT, it means panther." " Did the panther gave these to you?" " Per arrange the MARRIOT." "I'll marry her." "I'll buy a big America hat to fit into the American family." "Cicalone, we just looked at each other and..." "I fulminated the panther." "Finally!" "Water has been coming out for 4 days!" "We called at least 40 times!" "A pipe is leaking in that closet." " A pipe is leaking?" " Yes." " Who cares!" " Aren't you a plumber?" " Did you see any tools?" " I'm a client!" " Excuse me." "Young man, go away." "For today it's enough." "This is Mr Cicalone, he is qualified." "Excuse me, do you need anything?" "I'm going to marry an American woman, I need everything." "I understand...football pools." "Football pools?" "I don't like him, he doesn't look American." " Then you would spend the 10.000 liras." " Cicalone, shut up!" "The 10.000 liras are an advance!" "When she will marry me..." " Are you sure she will do that?" " She has to!" "Because of the Kansas City nuptial bond!" "I don't want to end it up like in "Roman Holidays"." "A weird princess meets PEKKE at the Roman Forum, she "kisses him" all night long and then she abandons him." "But you can't abandon Sandy Bailorss, you marry him!" "She will take this proud guy and will move him to Kansas City." "Our last creations." "We can offer you very nice things." "Popelyne, rayon, very nice things." " Last arrivals from Paris." " What about from Massachusetts?" "Kansas City?" " We don't have clients over there." " Then I don't like that stuff." "I wanted to show some models.." "I need American stuff, big hats, "big clothes"," "You don't need the rope, the mask and the revolvers." " I need that kind of stuff." " But we don't have that!" "Are you joking?" "We don't have that stuff!" " (NANDO) I don't need it!" " Take your hands off!" " My magazines!" "I want American stuff!" " Go away!" "I'm going to marry an American girl!" "OVERLAPPING AMERICAN VOICES" "Hello!" ""Please", where's Molly Brooke?" "(NANDO) Shall I go on?" "Wow, nice place!" "Typical house of American movies!" ""American house, Italian spouse."" "Molly Brooke." "Molly Brooke." " (IN AMERICAN) Who are you?" " Sandy Bailors from Kansas City." "I'm here for Molly Brooke." ""Look" at the big hat for the great occasion..." "You don't care at all!" "Is it the atomic bomb box?" "I can here the..." "TBC..." "Wow, are you a porcupine?" "Is it some sort of a message?" "MUSIC" "This is a musical!" "O.K., where ia Molly Brooke?" "I would like to meet Molly Brooke's parents..." "Empty glasses?" "This is an insult!" "An empty glass to Sandy Bailors?" "I'll fill it up!" "Free "drinks"!" "They are going to be really drunk!" "What a drink!" "FAKE AMERICAN" "Why are you taking it away?" " AMERICAN TALKING." " (NANDO) Doctor Jekyll?" " AMERICAN TALKING." " (NANDO) I'll kill you!" " AMERICAN TALKING." " (NANDO) Did you draw squares?" "(NANDO) I was drawing that at basis school..." " AMERICAN TALKING." " I have thrown them away." " No!" " Doctor Jekyll, I'll follow you on the roof!" "(NANDO) Your hair are following on your forehead!" " (IN AMERICAN) There you are!" " Hello, Molly!" " He's my man." "See?" "Your "boy" is here." "What are you doing, Molly?" "The long hair guy costs me 10.000 liras!" "Who are these people?" "Molly, I'll spank you!" "NANDO SPEAKS FAKE AMERICAN MOLLY ANSWERS IN AMERICAN" " They came here to greet the POPE." " Are they pilgrims?" " Molly's POPE." " Her father!" "Hello!" "This is Sandy Bailors from Kansas City." "Calm down, I'm a good man!" "That was love at first sight!" "I'm a good guy, my father is an officer at the Post office." "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "UNINTELLIGIBLE AMERICAN" "What did he say?" " When everybody is leaving..." " Everybody!" "You will do...a good job." "Bertuccia, no need to tell me." "I know what to do." " Is daddy leaving too?" " No, he wants to see." "He pays." "He wants to see what his daughter has learnt." "Molly so gentle, so shy." "Can't do anything in front of the other people." " What do you mean?" " What could you do?" "Bertuccia, I can put you in jail." "You dirty man!" "you and Dr Jekyll will go to jail!" "I'll tear all your hair off!" "You dirty!" "AMERICAN TALKING" "(IN AMERICAN) Take off your clothes." " Take them off!" " Darling, look into my eyes." "When you invited me here, what were you thinking?" " (IN AMERICAN) I don't understand." " "What"?" "Who do you think I'm?" "I read the news!" "I can't allow strange things happening in my house!" "First you marry me and then I'll "clear away" everything." "Everybody!" "I'm going to drink a..." "Kansas City drink." "And start to be the boss, right now!" "Finally I'm..." "Nobody's going to move me away!" "Wow, what a place!" "Since you looked me with those Chinese little eyes," "I noticed that you kept a mysterious desire." "But, like in the American movies," "I take my pillow and go to sleep in the hallway." "AMERICAN SPEAKING" " Don't touch me." "Calm down!" "I won't get naked in this place for no reason at all!" "I get naked only when I take a bath!" "First you got to marry me, and see the priest with the big necktie!" "SINGING WEDDING TUNE" " Aaah!" "I'm joking." "He's got a crisis." " "Daddy"!" "You're paid to work with my daughter, take off your clothes!" "I suspect you're not the father, but just a pander!" " Take off your clothes!" " Do you want to fight?" "I'm not armed." "SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE AMERICAN" "BLOW" "(IN AMERICAN) I had to do that." " Take off his clothes!" "The tramp!" "Doctor Jekyll!" "Where am I?" "Shit...!" "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "I'm naked!" "I'm naked!" "They got Sandy Bailors naked!" "They got me naked in the house of sin!" "I got naked only in the pool!" "You dirty!" "Did you take pictures of me?" "Dirty!" "Go away, you pander!" "You want to make postcards with Sandy Bailors naked?" "You will go to jail!" "I'll see you in the court!" "OVERLAPPING VOICES" "(IN AMERICAN) Police, can you come to via Margutta?" "It's the body of evidence, it's the naked body of Nando Mericoni!" "I'm going out and... (NANDO) Open the door, you dirty!" "Police..." "You suck!" "Open!" "I wanted to get out, but they tricked me." "Wow, is that the ghost vessel?" "What a mast!" "I'm like a bird in a cage!" "A window!" "I'll jump on the roof!" "Out of the roof, I'll claim your shame!" "The sun!" "I'm free!" " Are you ready?" " Yes, it's alright." "We're online in two minutes." " Goodnight, nr 1 is ok, I'll check nr 2." " O.K.!" "Dad, sit down and watch Ruggero's show." "Damn!" "The break is the best time!" "Good morning, Fred Goodnight speaking." "I'm always looking for new shows." "This time I've chosen for you the roofs of via Margutta." "(TV) A peaceful place where the past and the future meet." "There are no words to describe this show." "Look what a great show." "Disgusting!" "Out of my way, please!" "The artists` houses, full of colors laying in front of the majestic Trinità dei Monti." "Majestic surrounded by the roman sunset." "The nice little bum!" "Disgusting!" "They should always play the Rigoletto?" "Cut off the naked man!" "Get away!" "Fred, can you hear me?" "Change side!" "(TV) The colorful shades of the sunset..." " Always him!" " Go away!" "I bought this tool just to watch this garbage!" "We` re sorry, for technical reasons, we are forced to cut off the external shootings, but keep on following Fred speaking!" "We are in the house of the actress Astrid Siostron, back after the birth of her last child." "Signora Siostron, anything to say?" "Sure." "I hope my Italian fans will forgive me if I didn't act as much as promised." "But I made many children." "Thanks, miss." "Mr Siostron..." "I'm sorry, Mr Verdolini." "Any news about your career?" "No anticipations about my new directing." " I prefer to be considered as a happy father." " Sure." "This is a good occasion to introduce you our last born." " A 8 kilos guy." " Very good, let's see." "The fans will be happy to know." "You're going to meet a beautiful 8 kilos guy..." " (NANDO) Excuse me..." " What's up?" "Cut off!" "I can't, it's stuck!" "Damn!" "Stop!" "Fred Buonanotte speaking!" "Go away!" "Hello?" "One, two." "One, two." "It`s not working?" "The handcuffs are ready for him!" "Mericoni Ferdinando, can you hear me?" "Got it, Mericoni Ferdinando speaking ." "Who's speaking there." "I'm a very important person, I'm here to help you." "If you're coming down, I can help you to sail the ocean." "I can pay your trip." "Mericoni Ferdinando speaking:" "you don't trick me." "Then I'll send you to jail!" "Damn!" "He's here!" "Let him pass, he's American!" "I'm the secretary of the American embassy." "We are here on the ambassador's account." "Tell him we're fixing the problem." "Handcuffs are ready." " No handcuffs." " What?" "No, I have a message on the ambassador's account." " The ambassador?" " Yes." " A private message?" "To that fucking acrobat?" "So he won't act crazy and to avoid political speculations, better we talk to the young man." "This is the microphone." "Mister Bear will talk, from the American embassy." "If they are granting him a passport, I'll quit." ""You", America!" "You, "very" America!" "O.K.!" "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "I'm talking on the American ambassador's account" "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "The ambassador, touched by your wish to go to America," "so that you will be alive and enthusiast," "is offering you a free trip, to the United States," " where you will get also a job." " O.K.!" "O.K., I'm coming!" "Fireman, help me!" "America!" "# "Happy" ERBI "for you", happy ERBI for you... #" "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "With this generous action ..." "APPLAUSES" "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "O.K.!" "O.K., boy!" "AMERICAN SPEAKING" "Nando, don't move!" "What's up?" "What are you doing?" "Nando, what's up?" "Onemoment,Mr Mericoni, calm down." "YouknewthatNando'scraziness would bring out a tragedy." "Butmaybethisisjust acomedy." "Afarcethatthe fateturned into tragedy for our hero." "Whatwouldhavehappened if the ambassador's reporter would not have been the same one of the Maranella's ravine," "NotconsideringNando his personal enemy, he would have gone into his car, giving him the nice usual speech, mentioning Abraham Lincoln, George Washington..." "And then Nando would have been sent to America to vent out his desires." "12, 27, 98, 41." "12, 27, 98, 41." "9, 8, 7, 4, 9. 8, 7, 12, 27, 98, 41." "Butrealityis always different from dreams." "ButNando'shead is wrapped up in something unusual about the real ending of this incredible event." " After 10 days, is he going to wake up?" " Soon, madam." " Doctor, I need a private information." " Tell me." " How long is going to last?" " Don't worry." " I'm paying!" " I understand, just a few days." " Can we fire the waitress?" " You'll never change!" " Fine!" "Doctor, I trust you." " He'll be home in a few days." "Doctor, I'm the father." "Will he still act that crazy" " when he'll wake up?" " No, don't worry." "The shock gave him a neurosis." " Compulsory!" " Forced." "Won't he think to America anymore?" "He won't, don't worry." "He's waking up." " Nando, you are healed!" " Moriconi!" " Nando!" "Let him rest, can you notice how peaceful he is?" "He's healed." "Bye, Nando." "Bye, Nando." "(Nando, they say you are really healed.)" "(Healed out of what?" ")" "FAKE AMERICAN WORDS"