"All right." "I think we're on here." "Hi." "This is Judd Apatow." "I feel like a DJ on this mike." "It's a great DJ-ish mike." "And this is the commentary for Knocked Up." "Here with me today is Seth Rogen." "Hi there." "Thanks for listening." "And also with us today is a surprise guest, Bill Hader from Saturday Night Live." "Hello, everybody." " It's Bill." " It's me." "And my idea for this was to try to do a really good informative commentary that would help the young filmmakers of the world." "And then when it gets boring as shit," "Bill Hader will do an impression of some kind." " That's good." " Yeah, so..." "So our goal is to inform." "We're actually gonna try to do a real one." "We're not gonna screw off." "We're gonna really tell you stuff." "Now, what's in a real audio commentary?" "Should we be talking about this?" "Have we already messed it up?" "You know, here's the thing." "I don't understand anything about lenses or cameras, so I can't really be helpful to the young filmmakers in that way." "I can explain that, that's fake marijuana you're smoking." "It is." "And that is something you've done in your life, I hear." " It is." " Really?" "Here's a little trivia." "On the actual set in the movie, there's an actual picture of me with a fishbowl on my head when I was 14-years-old smoking marijuana." "Well, I'm so glad that you've moved on from that phase of your life." "You know, you look back and you think, "What was I thinking?" ""How could I have done that?"" "Now that roller coaster sequence is another thing on the DVD, which is a documentary of how we manipulated..." " Jay Baruchel." " Jay Baruchel to get on the roller coaster, 'cause he gets panic attacks from roller coasters and he didn't want to do it and..." "Judd did not care at all." "He didn't give a shit." "I could not have cared at all." "I just..." "I told them to stop the roller coaster, so that when he walked up, he would never see it moving." "Exactly." "And the cameras were all in position and ready to go, so, literally, by the time he got to set, he just had to sit down." " And then he did have a panic attack." " He had a full-blown panic attack." "And then you guys did it and vomited," " so that's..." " Yeah, like eight times." " So he was the smart one, I guess." " I guess." "One of those rare times that we say Jay Baruchel was the smart one." "That is..." "That's my family." "That's Iris." "That's my wife, Leslie Mann, and the other beautiful woman there is Maude, my daughter." " And Katherine Heigl." " And Paul Rudd." "And Mr. Paul Rudd." "And let me tell you how this casting happened." "You know, I thought it would be great to have the kids and Debbie actually look like a family, 'cause in movies, kids, I don't know what the technical term is..." " Suck?" " Suck?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "Suck." " Suck shit." "Yeah, at acting." "And, you know, sometimes I'll see a kid actor and I'm like, "You suck shit."" ""You suck my dong."" "Well, I wouldn't say that, it's a child." "I'd say it, Judd." "I'd go there." "That's so much I care about acting." "Yeah." "I appreciate that." "And so, I thought I would capture real moments of what a family is like, because my kids would just act like themselves." "All this is improvised." "Everything that they say in these two scenes, my daughter talking about googling "murder"." " Did she really do that?" " She..." "She..." "Do you have a Net Nanny or something?" "Well, now, I got all those programs, but for a while I didn't realize that she knew what Google was." "What did you think she..." "She walked in one day and she said that she'd googled "murder", and I'm like, "What did you see?"" "And she said, "You know, these guys on the floor with red all over them."" "And she didn't know that, that was blood." "And I didn't even know what to say at that point." "I just said it was fake." "And then, it slowly came out that she had also googled "penis" and "vagina"." "To which I commented, "Was it penis and vagina in one google?" ""Cause that would yield very different results" ""than penis and vagina in two separate, independent googles."" "Yeah, that's it." "And so, I..." "You know," "I shut the whole computer system down." "Judd's Amish now." " There's no googling." " Going back to the old ways." "So this is the first scene with all of the friends here." "These are all played by Seth's real friends." "That's Jason Segel from Freaks and Geeks and How I Met Your Mother," "Jonah from Accepted and The 40 Year Old Virgin." "And then, we've got Martin Starr, who's Bill on Freaks and Geeks." "Hard to even recognize him anymore." " You know, he's very dashing now." " He is dashing." "And Jay Baruchel from Undeclared and that Clint Eastwood movie, Million Dollar Baby." "Now, the thing here is, it's hard to make friends look like real friends." "So, again, I whimped out." "I didn't cast and just hired real friends, and didn't even change their names." "I know." "They kept calling me Seth, 'cause everyone else was using their real name and it was really confusing that I wasn't." "But this beard thing actually happened, the Dirty Man Competition, that's from life, that's ripped from life." " And so, what would you guys do?" " I beg your pardon?" " No." "Me and Evan did it." " Okay." "Evan Goldberg, you're..." "It's basically an excuse." "It's to justify why no woman wants to talk to you." "And at least you can say, "I'm in the Dirty Man Competition."" "And what exactly is the competition?" "How does it work?" "You can't shave or cut your hair, and whoever does it first loses, clearly." "But really wins, probably, in the grand scale of life." "But we did this as a one-man endurance contest." "I know, we kind of changed it." "We realized that man's best true opponent is himself." "Yes." "We really..." "We internalized the competition a lot more." "Well, in rehearsals, I asked everyone, what were, like, jackass things that they did, and one of it was all these fights." "You guys said that you guys would fight." "We'd beat the shit out of each other." "I don't know why." "And then the other one was the competition." "And we were actually put Jay Baruchel in Vanilla Ice's haircut." "Oh, yeah." "That was gonna be the competition." "Oh, I didn't hear about that one." "Martin had to have his beard." "Martin had to keep growing the beard and Jay had to stay looking like Vanilla Ice." "Now, we got Ryan Seacrest here." "Now, what happened is, we went to the E!" "studios just to observe how it worked," " and he wasn't in the movie then." " No." "But we were asking him, although I don't know if he knew it at that point." "And what he does when he tapes a show is he's constantly trying to leave." "Yeah, that's what..." "We saw him there." "And someone was, like, 40 seconds late and he was having a little..." "I mean, he's got a tight schedule," " that's what I..." " Yeah." "He has 11 jobs, and so we thought, "Well, that's funny." ""Ryan Seacrest's pissed off that someone's late" ""'cause he has to get to job 45."" "And so we showed up to shoot it, and he literally could not have been cooler." "He was awesome." " He was willing to say anything I yelled out." " Really?" "Anything I yelled out, he would say, because at one point one of the joke pitches was about Jessica Simpson," ""What should I talk to her about?" "The new Philip Roth novel?"" "And he would say it." "Like, I could have said any filthy thing on Earth and he would have puppeted it, but a very good actor, and gosh darn it, another skill that he has." " Yeah." " Exactly." "There's a lot of people in America without one job." "Ryan Seacrest has 4,300 jobs." "And I'm very proud of the fact that I have his BlackBerry address." "He'll change it soon, 'cause I'm using it a lot." "Really?" "Why don't you send him a message right now, and see if he replies by the time the commentary's over?" "I did that when we're doing an interview for Rolling Stone." "And he did reply in four minutes." "Wow, that's pretty good." "That was good." "That was like, "Doing Idol, I'll call you back."" "I said, "If you don't give Idol tickets to my wife and children," ""I'm cutting you out of the movie."" " Oh, wow." " And then he said yes." " Really?" " You have tickets." "Now, this is an interesting scene." "This is Kristen Wiig." " Who Bill works with." " Yes." "On Saturday Night Live." "And we've just been cherry-picking that show." "We are just picking at the bones." "We have." "And Alan Tudyk, the great Alan Tudyk, who people know from Firefly." " Right?" " Yeah." " Isn't that..." " And 28 Days." " And 28 Days." " lf there's an X-Men poster on your wall right now, you know him from Firefly." "And he came in and improvised this whole run" " about, "Tighten it up."" " Yeah." "And I was trying to decide who would play this part." "And in my head, I thought, "I have to hire him 'cause I must use this dialogue."" "I know." "It became a thing where like we could either totally rip him off, and maybe get sued by him, or just hire him." "And, fortunately, he's also hilarious and a great actor." "And Kristen Wiig, there was no part." "It was written as just the dude without the woman." "And I just had this idea that if you had her there as the woman who hates women, that she could riff on this, and so we improvised most of it and fed her lines, and she was hilarious." " This is the first huge laugh..." " First real laughs of the movie." "Me and the guys totally failed to obtain those first huge laughs in the movie." " Now..." " Kristen Wiig does." "Now Katherine Heigl came onto the movie, she auditioned, and was just the only woman who could keep up with Seth, and I also noticed, the only woman who seemed to have any affection for you." "I know." "The only woman that you could buy, maybe, would sleep with me, maybe, if her blood-alcohol content was truly at a lethal limit." "'Cause all the other women, they literally treated you the way..." " They would treat me." "Yeah." " I was actually..." "Like, it would mean just trying to see if there were women who didn't understand why you were in the movie" " and were disgusted." " No." "They didn't..." "They thought..." "I think they thought I was the guy who was just there to read with them." "Like, I was the casting assistant or something like that." "And then when they were told that, like, this is the guy in the actual movie," "I think they were appalled." "Seth, I think your pager is, like, interfering with our audio." " Is it?" " I know you got a lot of things coming in." " I don't have..." "Oh." "Okay." " A lot of action coming in." "But Katherine Heigl rocked in the audition, and was so funny and unhinged." " She unhinged." " She will unhinge on you." "The word "motherfucker"" " came up a lot from her." " Really?" "Which was shocking from a woman that looks like..." "Yeah, she'd really..." "Never says that on Grey's Anatomy." "Never." "On the DVDs." "Her fiancé died and she did not say "motherfucker" on Grey's Anatomy." "Dude, every movie with Jews, we're the ones getting killed." "Munich flips it on its ear." "We're capping motherfuckers." "Not only killing but fucking, like, taking names." "If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in Munich." " I agree with that." " I agree." "You know what is not helping us get laid is the shoe bomber, Richard Reid, over here at our table." "Now, this scene is the first scene we shot in the movie." " Oh, really?" " The whole movie." "Yeah." "And we just set up two cameras and let it roll, and slowly an improvisation started about..." "Someone mentions Munich, 'cause they were talking about how Jews can get girls now." " Yeah." " And because of Jack Black." " That was the original script." " Yeah." "The thing was now that Jack Black's popular," "Seth can maybe get laid." "And then we started talking about Eric Bana." " And then..." " 'Cause Jay claims he's actually Jewish." " I don't think it's true." " In real life?" "Yeah, but Jay says that he's actually, like, a Sephardic Jew." "A Sephardic Australian Jew." ""You weren't chosen for a reason" kills." "That's such a funny line." "Martin often is the only non-Jew, surrounded by Jews, and actually feels that." "Well, he's very fun to make fun of." " He is." " And as soon as someone said Munich," "I'm like, "Okay, we're just gonna talk about Munich for 20 minutes."" "You told me Steven Spielberg saw the movie, Judd." "He did see the movie and I don't wanna be a name-dropper, but I'll do it only 'cause this is a commentary that most people on Earth won't hear." "Not by this point anyway." "But let me say that Spielberg definitely was very, very amused." "At the Munich conversation?" "Yeah, he definitely was very amused and..." "Does he view it as a Jewish action movie?" "Oh, I told him..."I set out to make it..."" "He said, "You guys got me."" "There's nothing better than" "Steven Spielberg calling you to say something nice." "Exactly." "It's better than him calling to say something mean." " I would imagine." " Yeah." "If he called and said, "Judd, I just wanna point out to you," ""you've made a horrible error in judgment."" "Exactly." ""You've taken us all a step back."" "Now, this is a..." "You know, a lot of the stuff for the night club here..." "This is one of the first ideas of the movie is someone gets very drunk and has sex with Seth, so I was trying to think of a job that you would have that getting pregnant would ruin." " So it seemed like a reporter for E!" " Yeah." "...was good because they're so skinny and beautiful." "And then my wife loves to go out dancing, without me, too." " She doesn't go with me." " She does." "I went out dancing with your wife once, actually." "She will go out with strangers." "Now, that was for The 40 Year Old Virgin, we wanted to figure out how to look drunk, so Seth went and videotaped my wife as she got drunk." "At a club." "And you said the hardest part was trying not to make out with her." "No, I just kept praying it wasn't gonna happen." "I just thought, like, alcohol will make you do weird things." "We got a video camera, we're dancing, who knows where this leads?" "Oh, you know what's so weird?" "Peter Falk just walked into the room." "Oh, no." "Oh, jeez, what does he think of the movie?" "Well, you fellows, this is really fantastic." "Judd, why didn't I get the part of the guy with the beard?" " Well, you know, your work..." " I came in and read for this, and you guys wouldn't let me..." "Your work in all those Cassavetes movies inspired a lot of" " how we approached the movie." " Oh, yeah." " Oh, good." " Husbands and..." "A Woman Under the Influence." " Yes, yes." " Yes, yes." "Oh, thank you very much." "I appreciate that." "I mean, the thing with those movies that people don't get is they're just as funny as your movie, too, you know what I mean?" " That's right." "It's true." " They're comedies." "Oh, I think they're all very funny." "And did you enjoy the movie?" "Is this a little too bawdy for you?" "I watched it in about four different parts." " Four sittings?" " Yeah, four sittings." " I mean, it takes me a lot..." " Like, four hour-Iong intervals?" "Yes, yes." "It was a little tough for me to get through, but I enjoyed it." "I like it." "I like little..." "Oh, that's you." " That's me." " Oh, that's you." " Oh, it's okay..." " Oh, that's good." " You look very nice." " Thanks." "But, no, I thought it was a fun fantasy." "I thought you did fantastic work." "It was a fun fantasy." "That's how we do it." "That was nice of Peter Falk to drop by." " That was nice of Peter." " Yeah, he's a nice guy." "He's nice." "Now, Jason Segel is hitting on my wife, Leslie, here." "I think that was happening at the premiere two nights ago." " Oh, yeah." " It was." "No shame." "I was like, "Really, Jason?"" "Reach for the stars, fall among the..." "It was odd to see Jason Segel have such chemistry with my wife onscreen." " They really hit it off." " Yeah." "And, you know, Jason is very, very funny." "And maybe even before Seth," "I thought Jason Segel was the guy who was gonna break." " Yeah." " He was the first guy, I thought," ""That guy could be a big comedy guy."" "And he, in this movie, was doing a very subtle choice of this slightly sleazy guy, and I have to say when we shot, I didn't know if it would work." "I almost felt bad for him." " Yeah." " I knew it would read." "And then when we..." "Then when we screened it, he was rocking it." "Now, here's the question, how did this happen, with the shaking-of-the-dice move?" " Well..." " Is that your move?" " Is that all you really have?" " It is not my move." "I'll tell you what." "I've done several funny dances in several of your works, Judd, several pieces of your work, and it was actually David Krumholtz who pointed out, like," ""You do the robot in Undeclared." "You got another funny dance..."" "That I do in Virgin." "I think it's only in the extended version, maybe." "But I needed a new funny dance." "I had to up my game." "And thus, the dice was born." "It just seemed funny." "Now, how many times have you had a one-night stand?" "None, ever." " Wow." " I mean, does blowjobs count?" "I do remember though, when you guys shot this, and Judd was like," ""No one's allowed on set." "No one's allowed to come in."" "And I didn't hear it, and I came in through the back and I was like," ""Where is everybody?"" "And Judd's like, "Hader, what the fuck are you doing here?"" "Evan's parents were on set this day." " That's right." " David Gordon Green." "I met David Gordon Green for the first time this day." "Yeah." "Now how did you feel heading into this scene?" "I felt..." "Well, this was just thrown on me, actually." "Like, we weren't supposed to shoot this, this day, I don't think, and then our schedule kind of got shifted." "I think we we're just like, "Let's do it."" "I tried not to sweat on her." "That was pretty much, like, goal number one." "Let's not drip sweat on her." "Now, do you get nervous about getting aroused or how do you feel about that?" "I didn't know, you know." "The penis is a mysterious beast." "I didn't know if it would..." "It was either gonna shrivel up tiny and retreat, or go the other way." "Tiny would have been fine, right?" "Well, it ended up..." "That's what ended up happening." "It turtle-shelled." "Oh, my God." "Al Pacino just walked in." "Al, have you done a lot of..." "You've done a lot of sex scenes in your day?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "I've done tons of sex scenes." "Yeah, yeah." "No, but nothing like this..." " No." "...with the bra on." "And I don't really understand that at all, man." "I don't know if that's a Jewish thing" " or whatever, it's some sort of..." " It is a Jewish thing." "Jesus." "Jesus." "I mean, that's really decent of you to let the lady put the bra on." " We're not married yet so..." " That looks like my house." " Hey, does that look like your house?" " Yeah, baby, I like this." "You wanna live in there for a few days?" "Oh, man, I did so many butt shots before." "They always take it out." "You know what I'm saying?" " Really?" " Panic In Needle Park, Godfather II," "I'm like, "Show 'em my ass!"" "They won't do it." " You were showing your ass in Godfather II?" " I wanted to, yeah." " You just wanted to?" " Yeah, yeah." "Wow, you see my stretch marks pretty good there." "You've done some comedy in your day, haven't you, Mr. Pacino?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." " Dick Tracy." "Dick Tracy?" "Oh, well, I don't know about that." " That's not really a comedy." " That wasn't really comedy." "That's more of a comic fantasy." "But Stanley  Iris, that movie is a riot." " I thought that was De Niro." " You're right." "It is." " He's my friend." " Frankie and Johnny is you, though." "Oh, that's what I was thinking of." "Thank you." " Michelle Pfeiffer is a beautiful woman." " She is gorgeous." "Is she in that?" "Oh, you're right." "You've made a lot of movies." "It must be hard to keep track of them." "It's so hard." "I mean, to know where the hell I am half the time." "You know what I mean?" "We have to put a..." "One of those little things at the front of the commentary, all impressions are..." "Yeah, all celebrity voices are not the actual people." "I'm just saying that there's a part of me that just worries about the day when my daughter listens to this commentary." " Really?" " Yeah, like, I know that one day, you know, after I've been hit by a car and I can't speak and I'm in a wheelchair, and this is her only contact with me." "Exactly." "When I'm like that guy..." "When I'm like Captain Pike on Star Trek, this is her connection to the..." ""I must go and listen to the commentaries." " "That's his legacy."" " It's like My Life." "It is like My Life." "Never do what they did." "I'm gonna do it." "You are?" "Someone's getting home-schooled." "I have to say that this scene, you know, the scene where you think you're being cool" " and the woman is disgusted by you." " Yeah." "This is how I still feel with my wife, most of the time." "This is how I..." "I mean, don't..." "Isn't this like I always..." "I don't know why I can't shake that feeling." "What's funny about this movie is, as a result of the fact that people seem to like it, people don't understand why we feel awful about ourselves." "Which I don't get." "'Cause I don't think that feeling really goes away." " No, never." " This is like breakfast in my house." "I always feel like I'm on a first date." "If I go out to dinner with my wife," "I always feel like she's gonna go to the bathroom and jump out the window." "I went out on a date once." "My wife set me up with a waitress." " Your wife set you up with a waitress?" " I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." " My mother." " Your marriage is much more complicated..." "And my mother set me up with this waitress, and I take her out." "And I take her to a play, this Rick Reynolds play." "So, we go to a restaurant and then this play." "Now, first of all, I asked someone for a recommendation on a restaurant, and I clearly take her to some, like, sleazy, trendy, asshole place." "And then she says, "You know, I have a friend whose dad is really sick," ""and after dinner I have to check in and see how he's doing."" "And then, after dinner, which I thought went really well," " he got really sick!" " What do you know?" " He got really sick." " That's terrible." "And then, so I kept calling her to check how he was doing." "What?" "You really cared." "And then, she strangely kept not responding, but clearly she was busy with the illness." "With the illness, the real, the very real illness." "So, it was so funny..." "And I would leave these funny messages." "It was during the Clarence Thomas Supreme Court hearings." "And I kind of had been cranked up." "I'm like, "Can you believe this Clarence Thomas thing?" ""Can you believe it?"" "And I'm doing all these jokes." "And then finally, like, her friend answers the phone, she's like, "She doesn't want to talk to you!"" "Oh, that's brutal." "How do you heal from that?" "How do you..." "You make a bunch of movies about nerds winning." "I think that's what you do." "Now, this takes place at Swingers in Santa Monica where I eat all the time." "'Cause I always try to shoot the movie as close to the house" " as possible." " Yeah." "Isn't that what you used to do, Peter O'Toole?" "That's exactly right, yes." "Lawrence of Arabia was shot right down the street from my flat, you know." " Really?" " It was very good, yea." " Does that..." " I most appreciated that you guys, you know, let the young lady still look completely gorgeous and show off what she's got." " Yeah." " Yes." " She's a beautiful woman." " Yes." "You've worked with all the beautiful women." "Yes, yes, exactly." " And Maximilian Schell, as well." " Yes." " A gorgeous man." " You guys used to drink a lot together." "Totally, yes." "One time, we stole a train together." " Really?" " Fantastic man, yes." "You stole a whole train?" "Yes, yes, fantastic man." " Oh, God." " That sounds like a good time." "Do you think that Seth has the possibility of a career as long as yours?" "I hope not." "It's very tough." " It was a huge mistake." " What's a mistake?" "Now, this is an extended scene." " Wow." "Is this our first extended scene?" " Yes." "How do you guys feel watching this right now at home?" "Do you feel like you got your money's worth?" "I think they're all playing Guitar Hero." "Do you think this is worth it?" "Just when you thought the movie could not get longer." "Oh, we got this." "I like this scene." "Oh, certainly, you're in it and you like it." "I am." "There's extended Seth." " That could be a separate, entire option." " Extended Seth." "Well, I always like this idea of the recap of..." " Yeah." "...she tells her sister she made a mistake and got drunk." " Yeah." " And you're pissed off" " that she thinks the web site idea is bad." " Yeah." "I think that's a good judge of character." "And we shot a lot of stuff of Jonah slamming her because she doesn't like you." " Yeah." " And really using all the words." "I like my jokes where I described her bra as something that Frank Gehry designed." "I thought that was..." "That was maybe my favorite joke in the movie, and it didn't make it in." "Now, here's James Franco doing some comedy." "This is just a taste of what you'll get when you see Pineapple Express, summer '08." "Ought eight, eight, eight..." "So, like, Bill Hader, Seth Rogan," " James Franco." " Oh, that's right." "Now, we've always known that James Franco's really funny, but he's chosen a path that was not comedic until now." " It's weird." "I ask him about it." " What does he say?" "He says, "I can't talk right now." "I'm reading Shakespeare."" " Yeah." " Exactly, he says," ""I'm in the middle of Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil." " "I'll talk to you about it..." - "I'm crumpled in a corner with Ulysses."" "Exactly." "He would've cracked the meaning of humanity." "But he's so funny, I mean, and..." " That makes me..." " Now, this editor, Bill, how did it feel jumping into this movie and doing this scene with us?" "Oh, it was a lot of fun." "I actually was an assistant editor at that building, it was totally bizarre like..." "Really?" "We didn't know that." "That's really weird." "I used to work on The Surreal Life, and I was like, "Oh, my God."" "There was another one that we didn't use, which is about how hot you thought who she was interviewing was, and you said, "You know, this guy's so hot."" "What was it?" "He would..." "He did, like, "George Bush would..."" "Yeah, George Bush would like jerk..." "I forgot..." "Donald Rumsfeld would blow this guy." " Yeah." " And you'd look at..." "'Cause it was all about before she vomits, you're saying," " "You look so disinterested."" " Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "'Cause we shot a version where she doesn't vomit in front of the star, but just looks bored and sick." "Yeah, she looks super bored and sick." "Yeah, that's right." "There's one other version about Friends." "We had a whole Friends run in this, too." "I can't remember what it was." "You look at him..." "You're interviewing him like you're talking to an accountant, and he's so hot that Dick Cheney would suck his balls." "I think he would." "Now, I'm very happy with this scene, Bill." "I'd like to say, "Bravo." "Bravo to you."" "I think your ADRjoke is one of my favorite jokes in the movie." "Not often do ADRjokes get me." "This one, it kills me." " I love it." " "She looks like she just realized..."" "Dude, that's what I said." "She's probably pregnant, right?" " Oh, shit." " How does she look right now?" "She looks like she just realized that she's pregnant." " See." " Yeah." "And BK is actually my friend, Brian Kraig, who's an editor at E!" " Really?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "I told him I was like..." " Were you really talking to him?" " Yeah, I was." "It was so cool." "We totally set that up." "No." "You guys put the Jabba thing in, which is my crutch." "Which I needed to go to." " I go Jabba." " I go Jabba." "Leslie always thinks that joke about," ""Are you one of those women who sits on the toilet, then a kid pops out?"" "She always says like that's the kind of joke she doesn't like, 'cause it's such a jokey joke." "And I'm like, it's one of the biggest laughs you get in the movie." "She's like, "I don't get it, then." ""I don't understand." "I would have cut that."" " She thinks that's a jokey joke?" " Yeah." " That is..." " It's a great joke." " That is..." " She likes going De Niro on her jokes." "She doesn't like joke structure." "That's not her way." "She really wanted to say man-boobs about you." "Yeah, she said, "The one with the man-boobs."" "Yeah, she thought that was important." "Some people just find different phrases funny, I guess." "Leslie likes man-boobs." "I like Frank Gehry." " I love that The Clash is in this movie." " I know." " I know." " 'Cause I'd taken the love of The Clash and attached it to me to make you think you like me." "At the party, one of my mother's friend said..." "They gave out the soundtrack and she said," ""I'd never thought I'd see the day that Loudon Wainwright III and The Clash" ""were on the same soundtrack."" " They're not on the soundtrack, The Clash." " Oh, they're not." "In the movie, they are." "They share space." "You just ripped everyone off." "There was a funny joke here we cut out, when she says," ""Uh-oh, I think I pooped on it a little bit."" "I can't believe you cut that out." "I have to be honest." "I thought that was one of the funniest jokes of the movie." " And then Leslie doing the piss shiver." " Yeah." ""I pooped on it a little bit." You know, it's funny." "In these movies, you need a little energy, a little something happening." " I don't know why you feel that way." " That's why I cranked it up a little bit." "Just for a beat, 'cause it's about to get so depressing." "It's true." "You cranked it up with music and comedy." "I enjoy Leslie's performance here about, "That would really suck." ""If it happened to me."" "There was a funny version of this where it was like," ""Should we call him?" "Let's not call him." "No, we'll call him." "No, let's not call him." ""Oh, fuck it, don't call him."" "Then I decided to move more briskly." "Now, there's a great coming joke here." "Oh, that's one of..." "I love that coming joke." "Any coming joke, really, I love." "I'll admit it." "But this one's especially funny." "Michael Richards, do you like jokes about coming?" " Michael, come on." " I'll tell you what, really." "No, I really like coming jokes." "They're really great." "I make coming jokes 247." "I do." "I also make other jokes that I got in trouble for." "Yeah, you got to be very careful what you say in this commentary." " You do." " It's part of the healing process." " Okay, Mr. Richards?" " It is part of the healing process." " You sound like Al Pacino." " You sound like Al Pacino." "Fuck!" "I'm realizing now that I can't do..." "Where Michael Richards is only getting, like, one sentence." " Yeah." " It's a terrible impression without the wig." "Yeah, it's just awful." "Now, you realize that I'm just a sham on SNL." "You know, for radio, you need a better impression." " Yeah." " Totally." "You're exposed." "Now, have you ever used that type of equipment when you were young, Ben?" " Ben?" " Played by Seth, I'm sorry." " You were so convincing." " I was." "You mean the gas mask contraption?" "Oh, I've tried that, why not?" "Yeah." "I've danced with that." "You've danced with it before?" "I never owned one." "I always thought that was a big commitment to buy something like that." " Actually like spend money on like..." " It's like a gag gift." "Yeah, like, to really say, like," ""I'm gonna put this weed-smoking gas mask on so much I'm gonna actually buy it."" "Yeah, this is a very strong choice." " Oh, I love this." " The guy's miming blowing each other, while she's telling him very serious news." "And did they come up with this on their own," " or was this something that you..." " It was something that kind of happened." "Yeah, I mean, I think we knew that they were gonna be smoking pot and doing terrible things." " Yeah." " And then he..." "And the joke was that, which I really think is funny, that he thinks that he's gonna get laid again." "Yeah." "And he's just about to find out the worst news of his life" " and he's so happy." " Yeah." "And then, of course, when you put everyone together, it turns into miming..." " Blowjobs." "...blowjobs and..." "That's it." "That basically what..." "This is maybe the biggest laughs in the movie, possibly." " You think?" " I like when Jonah says..." "The big, the last shot of everyone." "It's one of the big ones, maybe not bigger than the crowning shot but this..." "Now, look what Jonah's doing." "He's working..." "And I just noticed that the gas mask is pressed up against the table, and he's kind of shoving his crotch into it." "I've never noticed that." " That's what Jay was doing?" " No, no, that's Jonah." "Jay, in this part, makes me laugh so hard." "He's so focused." " The fact that you guys cheer is so, like..." " Yeah." "The lamest guys ever." "I'd like to point out that our cinematographer, Eric Edwards..." "He got a moving camera shot in there." "He moved the camera and this movie, it looks so much..." "It just looks like the best directing I've done, like I'm such a good director, but really I have to say that I still have no clue what I'm doing." "Eric Edwards did a fantastic job masking how little I know." "He's a very good DP." "And he did To Die For and The Break-Up." "And our production designer, Jeff Sage, also makes it look like I have some visual sense." "He built this whole place for us, right?" " No, this is..." " Oh, yeah, that's right." "This is the Geisha House." "Is this..." "Does Wilmer Valderrama own this?" "This place?" " Yes." " I think he does." " He does." " He does." "He owns this restaurant." "There was a point where there was like 13 Wilmer Valderrama jokes in this movie." " Now just one." " Now just one strong one." "Now, this is a..." "This scene was shot, I think, the third or fourth day of shooting." "And what I like about some of this is that you and Katherine didn't know each other that well." " No, we didn't." " And it was good to shoot the scenes where you didn't know each other well early." "Yeah." "'Cause she was still so much shocked by things you said." "She was very shocked by me." "I became very amused by the look she gave me when I said something very stupid, and started just wanting to recreate that look over and over by saying various stupid things." "And I also..." "I shot both sides at the same time," " so that you guys could improvise." " Yeah." "And, you know, I knew it would be pretty hard to show the shock of finding out that you got someone pregnant or her shock at how badly you handle it." "So I was always trying to switch it up so that you would keep surprising each other." "Yeah." "And "Fuck off" was definitely my favorite response to "I'm pregnant", I thought." "Well, the thing about this scene is this was the audition scene, so we read it with about 60 women." "And every time we would come up with new jokes, improvised jokes, so by the time we got to this, we had like 100 other ways to go." "We didn't even get into the sushi stuff." "There was a whole run where I kept trying to, like, justify why maybe the pregnancy test read positive." "And it was like, "Do you eat a lot of sushi?" ""Because the tuna can throw off your body chemistry."" "That was a big one." "I really enjoy the hollowed-out penis condom." "Yeah." "I think that is..." " That is a good one." " I'm amazed." "At this point in the premiere," "Tobey Maguire was sitting behind me and he mumbled under his breath," ""What an asshole."" "He actually said that." "It was great." "And then I threw a pumpkin bomb at him." "I feel like you can't even do a scene like this without two cameras and overlapping and yelling." "He hollowed out a penis and put it on?" "What the fuck?" "Something I'm amazed people..." "They stick with it." " Yeah." " They're still with us." "Yeah, I mean, this is the scene where we're trying to show how bad you can be." "And what was interesting about the editing process was, in the early cuts, people felt that Ben was not redeemable and there was no way that you could get her back because I made you so bad in the first cut." "And I had to pull back on how awful you were in the things that you said, and by cutting a few key things, they suddenly believe that she might like you." "Which, even in and of itself, is shocking." "This is how I always felt in the waiting room." " God bless this baby." " I know." "This is a cute baby." "I want in 10 years, 15 years, I wanna meet this guy." " Give him a job as an intern." " Just give him a job." "Yeah." "The baby, for..." "It's the funny-Iooking baby from Knocked Up." "Animatronic-Iooking baby." "Yeah, it really looks like Frank Oz is operating him from underneath that lady's lap." " That's a fake lap." " Yeah." "This guy is great." " That's Tim Bagley." " As Dr. Pellagrino." "Just the name, Dr. Pellagrino, gets laughs." "It's Dr. Pellagrino." "What's funny is you wrote in the script," ""Hello." "I'm Dr. Pellagrino."" "And I think you wrote it "sing-songy" in parentheses." "And everyone said it the exact same." "Now, you know, this is a scene that I didn't know how broad to go, 'cause I wanted it to feel uncomfortable, the way I always felt at the gynecologist's office, because when you go, the doctor always looks at you" "and gives you this odd look, like," ""I'm sorry." "I have to enter your wife with my hand."" " Yeah." " That's the job." "And they give you this..." "They give you the look like, "Okay, I got to do it now."" "And I always feel like, you know, "Hurry up." "Just get it done." "You don't need to..."" "The joke I'm shocked you put in was, "You do really look like your sister."" "I didn't think..." "I always said that, that was too dirty and the asshole one." "The asshole one?" "Oh, my God." "The asshole one is maybe the dirtiest joke ever." "I just handed a piece of paper to Bill and said, "What other impressions do you do?" And he said, "None. "" " That's it." " That's it." "You are three impressions deep." " That's it." " Oh, my God." " He's only been on the show for a few years." " SNL, everybody." "That's all you've worked up?" " That's all there is." " I'm glad you did." " It's too bad, but still..." " There's a lot of wig-based ones." "It's hard on him." "I feel bad that Bill..." "You know what, Bill?" "Maybe you should leave, and we'll bring in someone else named Vincent Price." "Well, I'm glad that Vincent Price will be coming to fill in." " He's here." " Oh, hey, Vincent, how are you?" "I can't believe this is actually happening to me." "You know, I've been dead for about 10 years." "I know." "It's nice of you." "I can't believe you made it." "Now, this is a very sad scene." "You don't have a lot of sad scenes in your movies." "No, no, mostly blood-curdling, screaming scenes." "But nothing about pregnancy." "No." "Oh, who's that guy on the left?" "I feel like I've worked with him before." " Jonah Hill." " It's Jonah Hill." "I mean, I think he was born after you died." " Oh." " Yeah." "He's not 10 years old." "He looks a lot like Peter Lorre, a good friend of mine." "Now, with this scene, we did a lot of improvisation." "We did a big abortion debate." " And there was a lot of very funny..." " Shma-shmortion debate." "We worked really hard, but I really offended people deeply." "I thought we would get more abortion debate in this section." "Yeah." "Where do you stand on the abortion debate, Vincent?" "Well, I'm against it, but I do..." "If one's going on, I do like to watch it." "Jesus." "Well, you know what, when you bring Vincent Price in," " you know, he's good." " He's good." " Judd, he works blue." " He's a very..." " He's into horror." " He is." " And that's the hardcore." " Yeah." "What about you?" "Where do you stand on the abortion debate, Al Pacino?" "I'm totally for it because if I wasn't, then half of New York City'd be my kin." "My kin." "We have lawyers from Universal gathering around the office..." " Exactly." " Parachuting in." "Let us make clear, we are not saying that Mr. Pacino has had abortions." "It is an impression, it is not the real Vincent Price." " He's dead." " All views expressed..." "What is it?" "Now, we know that..." "We do not know where he stands on these issues." "But, you know what?" "People ask a lot about the abortion debate, you know, some people think that I'm anti-abortion because they don't get an abortion in the movie, but we always say if she did get an abortion..." "Yeah." " Then the movie is 10 minutes long." " Yeah." "I always wonder, like, because, like..." "Do people who make, like, movies about, like..." "Are the guys who made Ocean's Thirteen pro-bank robbing?" " Right." " Is Steven Soderbergh pro-larceny?" "Is he pro-Solaris?" "Is David Chase pro..." "Exactly." "Is he pro..." "Is he pro-space station?" "Because that's a really hot-button debate." "I think just 'cause you make a movie about something doesn't mean you're pro that thing." " I think..." " But, apparently, it's a very sensitive issue." "It's very sensitive." "Is Harold Ramis pro-dispensing of ghosts?" "Those are people's dead loved ones." "And he's just..." "He's busting them." "He's catching them and killing them." "I think that's controversial, too." "In all seriousness, this is probably my favorite scene of the movie, though." " Well..." " I really love this scene." "That's a lot of Jew onscreen." "There's more Jew in this one shot than in all of Schindler's List put together." "That's how Jewish the two of us are." "Well, me and Seth, we were in Deauville, France." " I went to Deauville, France." " Deauville." "At a film festival, and Harold Ramis was there, and I said to Seth..." "We had never met the man." ""Let's go stalk Harold Ramis."" "Literally, when you said it..." "We were like in Deauville for, like, four days." "I was like, "What are we gonna do the whole time?" ""We only have like two hours worth of, like, obligations."" "And he's like, "We'll just follow Harold Ramis around everywhere he goes."" "So we called his room, and then we..." "We literally called, we went to his hotel and phoned his room." "At first, we sat and we had drinks with him." "Then we got..." "We wrangled an invite to dinner, and then we wrangled another invite to dinner..." "An invite, yeah, to a party that he was like..." "There was like the President of France, was it?" "And then, we went to his screening and got him to go to our screening." " Yeah." " And he is a great man, and we are all just ripping him off on some level." " Yeah." " At all times." "And a fantastic comedic actor." "We deserve more Harold Ramis performing." "We put him in this new movie, Walk Hard, as the head of the record company, and I refuse to not have Harold Ramis everywhere." " Yeah." " 'Cause when he says he loves you..." " You believe it." " That's a better piece of acting than anyone else is doing in that movie." " Yeah, I know." " It's pretty amazing." "I mean, you believe it." "I mean, it's pretty powerful." "I guess he knows how to act." "I know, it's weird." "He knows how to do everything very well." "Now, this is the turning point scene of the movie." "See, the real issue is why would she not get an abortion?" "And I think, partially, it's because she saw the heartbeat and that had an effect on her, and partially 'cause her mom is such a bitch that it's an act of rebellion to raise the child." "But also this is an important scene because it's the first moment where she thinks that she might be able to like him." "And I think..." "I think it's a sweet scene." "I think that you did a good job, Seth." "I say "bravo" to you." "Thank you very much." "I think you gave me a good piece of direction that day, which was like to not hold the phone up to my ear." " Yes." " And to just talk into it." " That was a direction?" " It was." "And it instantly makes me seem like a much more interesting actor than I actually am." "That's something I look at and think, "Wow." I bet people think I thought of that." " I did think you thought of that." " Exactly." "I just..." "I shouldn't have just said that." "I ruined it." "I was like, "Oh, that's really cool."" "No." "Judd told me to do it." "And I said, "Fuck you, Judd." "I'm not doing that. " Then I did." "The funny thing is, after the press junket, whenever I do interviews after all of the actors, they all talk about how the actors wrote the entire movie." "Exactly." "I took credit for all of it." "I literally take credit for every bit of it." "I take credit for shit you wrote before you met me." "I wrote the whole last season of The Larry Sanders Show." " Paul Rudd wrote this scene." " Exactly, Paul Rudd wrote this scene." "And he faxed it to me." "He also wrote all the Foxy the Fox bits on The Ben Stiller Show." " Judd doesn't even have a computer." " Yeah, he doesn't." "You don't own Final Draft." "See, now, Segel murdered in that little appearance there." " We didn't understand why." " Protein shake." "At the screening, we're like, "Wow." "We did not think that would get that big a laugh."" "Well, he's actually almost laughing in that." "So, I'm like, "That's him actually about to laugh, but I think..."" "Now, we knew he wanted to have a nude scene playing and we were trying to clear scenes, and a lot of the studios refused to give us nude clips because they didn't like that we mentioned Mr. Skin, and then..." "That's the scourge of the studios." "And then, because, I guess, he shows clips and maybe they're not cleared properly or something." "But Denise Richards and Neve Campbell..." " God bless them." " God bless them, they cleared it, and I think it's a wonderful thing and I'd like to thank them right now." " It is." " I don't understand it and if..." "I would have counseled them differently." "Come on." "If you looked like Denise Richards, you wouldn't be ashamed of having your body out there." "The way it's gonna come out of your..." "It's gonna hurt a lot, I bet." "Charlyne Yi, right there." " That's Charlyne Yi." " Very funny." "Charlyne Yi was in a dress at the premiere." "Charlyne Yi has five lines in the movie and people think she's one of the leads, she's so funny." " Yeah, I know." " She's so good in it." "She's really something to behold." "Right." "Man, my balls are shaved." "My pubes are trimmed." "I love Jonah in this shot right here." "He looks completely insane." "Well, it's 'cause it's the third time we shot this shot." "We had to keep re-shooting it." "We had lighting problems." "But the weird thing is, this is the kind of fight you have with your roommates when you live with somebody." "Oh, man, I lived with Martin and he had, like, long hair, kind of like how he has in the movie when we lived together, and it just got everywhere and on everything and it was disgusting." " He's like a cat." " He is like a cat." "You know, I remember, I used to go to your apartment," " which was really disgusting." " It was gross." "And I used to always call it the masturbatorium." "Oh, the masturbatorium." "That one really stuck, by the way." "It was a little too clever." "People really held on to that." "It reeked of, "There's a lot of guys here not getting laid and masturbating."" "Exactly." "It reeked of, "I'll be in my room for 10 minutes." ""I just need to make a phone call."" "There were just odd bunchings of napkins and paper towels all over the place." " It's a beautiful picture, Ben." " It is." "It's not bad." "Yeah, yeah..." " Now, this is..." " You wouldn't want to go through that place with a blue light." "You wouldn't be able to know because it'll be all blue." " Thought it was supposed to be all white?" " Yeah." "At least we did it evenly throughout." " You gotta start with a base coat." " Looks like a Jackson Pollock painting." "Exactly." "It really does." "It looks like a blacklight Jackson Pollock painting." "It's nice." "It's..." "But you can see the constellations if you really..." "There's Orion's Belt." "Seriously, I put these in front of my toilet, though..." "Now, this is a..." "You know, this is an important part of the movie because..." " I'm very charming." " Because it's charming, it's like..." "Now, here's a look." "Could I like him?" "Here, it comes." "Oh, maybe." " We hold hands." " He's sweet." "I'm very sweet." "That is..." "And this is something that's never happened in real life." " Never ever." " I think Paul..." "I think clearly Paul wrote this part." "Yes." "No." "That is part of what marriage is about." "It's like sometimes you do not have sex mainly due to bodily function issues." "I love the way Leslie's applying her moisturizer, 'cause that's what always makes me laugh more than anything." "It's just really weird." "The funny thing is that it gets such a big laugh when she says it, you can't hear the next line, which is," " "That sounds awful."" " Yeah." ""That sounds awful."" "Well, now..." "Paul and Leslie were really funny to put together 'cause Leslie decided very early on that the way Paul argues in real life would drive her out of her fucking mind." "'Cause Paul's thing is, like, make a flippant joke and think he can pop the tension with a joke." "Like she's just gonna go, like," ""Oh, you're so delightful." " "That's why I fell in love with you." - "You're so charming."" "When that actually makes you want to murder him." "I know, of course, I know that." "And just because I'm pregnant, I'm not some ruined woman." "Now, this scene is..." "This scene that if people believe she could like you, this is what gets them there." "The 8% of people who believe she could like you..." "If you're truly able to suspend your disbelief, this is where it's suspended." "Now, the BJ joke is..." "You know, it's something to be proud of." "I'm very proud of it." "Bill, have you written a joke as good as the BJ joke?" "Never." "Never." "What's your favorite joke you've ever written?" "My favorite joke I've ever written?" "Yeah." "You know, the thing that you did that was funny and you're proud of it?" "I did a whole thing about how guys become gay..." " Yeah." "...by watching lots of porn and being drunk together, that was my..." "No way, no, that's your joke, Judd." " That was my joke." "I did..." " No." "No." " That's Judd's joke." " Oh, no." "How did that go?" "Do a little bit." " Let me hear it." "You know the bit..." " I'm telling a joke." "No." "I stole one of Judd's jokes when I was in, like, fifth grade, and it was like, "Yeah, you know how guys become gay?" ""Because they watch porno together and drink beer and, after an hour, it's like," ""'Hey, come on, give me a kiss." ""'Come on, give me a kiss." "I'm drunk and horny. "'" "And then they say, "Give me a hand job."" ""Give me a hand job," if I was on cable." "This is not cable." "This is..." "That was actually the saddest thing that happened recently, Seth, is that Bill admitted to me that he was quoting my jokes when he was in fifth grade." " Yeah." " Well, how did you hear them?" "It was on MTV's 1l2 Hour Comedy Hour." "Judd used to do it, and I used to do it all the time, and then one day it hit me, I was like, "Wait, shit, that was Judd."" "And I called you up at home and I was like," ""I've been ripping you off since I was in fifth grade."" " How old are you?" " Twenty-eight." "Twenty-eight?" "So, I'm 39." "I am 11 years older than you." "That's disturbing." "Let's move on." "I like to think I'm part of the young kids' group, but apparently I'm the old man of the sea." "Yeah." "Now, this scene here was the second scene we shot with the kids." "Now, I had a basic theory, which is I would light the set and then have the cameras ready to roll and just drop the kids in, shoot all the shots of the kids first, and whatever they did, then we would build the scene around it." "So, it only took like two hours, but if you watch Iris, she's only interested in the food, that was my trick." " I didn't feed her for, like, two days." " Really, yeah?" "It's like trying to get a polar bear to perform." "It's how they get Shamu to do flips, starve him." "And there's actually a funny shot..." "Iris hates when people laugh." "She thinks they're laughing at her." "And in one of the next shots, she's looking down, 'cause she's so pissed when people laugh." "There it is." "Look." "She's so mad." " And then..." " I never noticed that." "That's hilarious." "And I laugh all the time, which is why Iris hates me more than maybe anyone ever." "She just thinks you're always mocking each other." "I'm mocking her." "And there really wasn't any lines for the kids and slowly I would start throwing out things they could say." "And it was freakish how good Maude was." " She took to it." " I mean, she's really good." "Look, how comfortable they are." "I don't..." "Is it in the genes?" "How long would they have to be on set before..." "I mean, it was it like the minute they sat down were they this comfortable or did it take a while?" "Look, I don't know." "Right away, they just..." "I just tried to make them think we weren't doing anything but talking to mom." "Right, right." "But this she made up, and it feels crafted." "It does feel crafted." "Feels like I brought in like Steve Corn to polish it or something." "Exactly." "And then this scene, we shot this side first, and you started playing fetch with the kids, I think." "I didn't know that was so, like, uncouth." "I'll be honest." "I mean, it seems to me that's a legitimate way of hanging out with the kid." " By saying fetch?" " They're kind of like dogs, right?" "I don't know." "I mean, is that wrong?" "She seemed to enjoy it." "I know." "And everyone laughs like you're such an asshole." "I know." "But it's, like, that's a game to me." "That's a legitimate game with a kid." "There was a bunch of funny jokes here we didn't use." "One was Katie says, "He's funny."" "And Leslie says, "Who do you wanna marry, fucking Bob Hope?"" "Yeah, that was really good." " And then she says, "He's a sidekick."" " Yeah, I remember that." ""If this was Splash, he'd be John Candy."" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "I remember once she called him Steve Zahn." "She's like, "He's like a sidekick."" "You did that like three times." " It was a real stunt." " What if you did that?" " You did that three times?" " Yeah." "What if you separated your shoulder and then the whole movie went down?" "That would have been grossly irresponsible of you, I imagine." "I think you would get blamed." "I should have had like a really weird body double do it." "Exactly." "Now, we just shot my kids playing, which I thought would give you a sense of how delightful kids are." "And I actually like this scene 'cause, it's Paul talking about how kids just remind him of how miserable he is." "Which is a weird thing about having kids, as they are such a clean slate and they do come from a place of such happiness that if you're neurotic and messed up, like I am, it really just holds up a mirror to how miserable you are." "And that's the meltdown of having kids, is you realize that if you don't get your shit together, they're gonna start imitating how fucked up you are and then you have a meltdown and then you get better." " Enjoy that, Bill." " Shit." " You look burned out." " Oh, I'm fucked." "I remember Paul did a funny bubbles thing here." " "Bubbles!"" " Yeah, we did that..." "Bubbles..." "Yeah, there was a version where he's pretending to play with the kids, and then you cut, and he says," ""I'm gonna go play with the kids, so I can tell Debbie I did."" "And then she says, "Look at him sitting on his ass." ""I bet he hasn't stood up all day."" "Now, it's very hard to shoot ping-pong." "I should have used a CGI ball." " Like Forrest Gump." " A Forrest Gump ball." "It's a little more complicated to, like, time out the ball, getting to each side on the line." "Especially when it's a 130 degrees out." "Yeah, we shot..." "It was 118 to 120 all the days we were at this house." "If you look at the light on the ping-pong table, it moves." "'Cause it's over the course of an hour or two." "The light kept changing." " I like that V-neck on you." " Thanks, that's a..." "I actually do..." "It's a chopper, if you will." "A T-shirt chopper, I like to think of it as." "I take the basic T-shirt design and adapt it to fit my stomach..." "My needs a little more." "Now, I know we thought about Bill to be one of the friends, then decided you were too old." " Yeah." " Oh, really?" " But, yeah, it's weird." " Really?" "I look about..." "Does Segel look younger than me?" " Really?" " Yeah, he does." " Oh, man." " Sorry, dude." "How do you feel about that?" " Dude, whatever, man." " He's happy as the editor." "Yeah, I'm happy as the editor." "And then a little movie called Superbad came out." " Exactly." " That's true." " Segel looks too young to play a cop." " Exactly." "Now, this is an extended scene that we cut into the movie." "Remember this scene?" "Oh, yeah, this is the three-way scene." "Yes, this is the scene where you talk about having a threesome, and who would it be with." "And, of course, it's Jay." "I would do one with..." "That's who I would have picked." "'Cause he has soft skin?" "'Cause I'm pretty sure his dick's smaller than mine." " Have you seen it or it's just an assumption?" " I haven't seen it." " He's just a skinny guy." " Based on the way he carries himself." "He kind of seems nervous." "He seems like a shaky Chihuahua." "Do you think that having a larger penis gives you a, like, you strut differently?" "I think it gives you a swagger." "I think Martin's got a huge dick." "That's why he's calm and cocky." "He doesn't need to put himself out there." "He knows what he's got." "Now, that was Dr. Ken Jeong, who comes back later as Dr. Kuni." " Yeah." " One of the funniest dudes on the planet." "He is." "He is so happy, so thankful." "Yeah." "I like this joke about," ""I'm breathing like James Gandolfini over here."" "You know, that doesn't get the..." "I think that's great." "That's all I think when I watch The Sopranos, is like he just breathes so loud." "Yeah, you think he's about to have a heart attack." "Yeah." "It seems like, yeah." "I always think that's gonna be the point of the scene." "Oh, he's gonna die in this scene." "Wait." "Here you go." "Here you go." "That is not your vagina." "That's your asshole." "Now, that's a joke I didn't think would get a laugh." "No, no, I thought we'd get a laugh, but I thought it would ruin the movie." " You know, it gets..." " It might." " That may have cost us sweet Oscar." " Exactly, yes." "The Academy hates anus mistaken for vagina." "See, at that point, Jon..." "At that point, Jon Voight was gonna vote for us." "Exactly." "You know what..." " Now, that's a clip..." " They said anus." "That's a clip from the movie Carrie." " Is that where that's from?" " Yes, it's a great movie." "You ever seen Carrie?" "Of course, I just didn't realize that's what that was." "And for no reason, Katherine's in a prosthetic belly here." "I know." "We could have just put her under the waterline." "And that's Loudon Wainwright, who scored the movie with Joe Henry, playing the gynecologist." "Now, you know, some of the movie is based on things that happened in life." "You know, fabricated with funhouse mirrors, I say, so I don't get in trouble." ""Funhouse mirrors"?" " I actually..." " You don't say that." "You should stop, if you do." "I actually hired a lawyer to find out the best way to say it." "You can say "a funhouse mirror," or "a kaleidoscope."" ""A kaleidoscopic effect."" ""It's a periscopic view of..."" ""Kaleidoscope of wackiness" or "funhouse mirror."" "My wife and I, we did go to this gynecologist and we said, "We only want to go to you if you'll promise us you'll be at the birth."" "And he said, "Absolutely." And we said, "Well, do we need to meet, like," ""who would show up if you were busy for some reason?"" "He said, "Absolutely not. 'Cause I will be there."" "And then, on the big day, he was at a bar mitzvah." " In San Francisco?" " In San Francisco." " Oh, my God!" " Yeah." "Well, that's gonna happen." "That is gonna happen." "See, that's the thing they don't tell you when you have kids, is, like, you see a doctor, and there's usually four other doctors in the office, and a lot of the time, they do not show up when the baby's gonna come." "They just don't show up and someone else covers." "So, what'd you guys..." "Did you do what you did in the movie?" "Yeah, we called all the doctors that we decided we didn't want to deliver the baby, and then one showed up and he was really pissed off." "And then I put it through a funhouse mirror." "Why are we having to sign these papers all of a sudden?" "Now, this actually has a funhouse mirror in this room." "Now, this is a conversation that my wife and I have had." "Which is, she will jump on the Internet trying to find the child molesters in our neighborhood and then be mad at me because I'm not really, really freaked out like she is." "'Cause what can you do when you find a molester web site?" " TP their houses." " Burn..." "Well, yes, TP their..." "That will show them." " What were you gonna say, Bill?" " I was gonna say burn down their houses." "Burn down their houses?" " Where're you from?" " I'm from Oklahoma." " That's just the way..." " Is that what you do?" "Well, they live in a really nice neighborhood in Brentwood, is what I always think." "Is there that many rich child molesters?" "That's all I kept thinking about." "There's always a couple of rental units around the corner." "They're in the guest houses often." " The caretaker." " Exactly." "The lecherous caretaker." "Now, this scene is kind of a brutal scene." "It's the ugly fight that people have." "And, you know, some people see the movie as Debbie being bitchy and controlling." "But part of what I was trying to do here was to show that Paul is driving her insane." "That he does not give a shit about any of her concerns and he's just trying to slip out." "And it's like a dynamic that makes a woman get that look on her face." "And then she buys a crib for Seth." " She's so nice." " She buys me a crib." "This day, we did in the Valley, and it was so hot this day." "It was hot." "Actually, the inside part we shot in the middle of the night." "I always thought this would be funny." "You looking at handsome people on packaging, and I shot a bunch of packaging." "It's actually something that I don't think really works that well." "I don't either." "This is the one, I feel, is a little awkward." "That one line always really makes me want to kill myself." " Which one?" " The BabyBjörn couple line." "I feel like BabyBjörn is ripe for satire and we didn't hit the..." " God damn it!" "Why didn't we do it?" " Exactly." "We should've got a better BabyBjörn joke in there." "But sometimes a bad joke sets up a good joke." "Like this Purell joke." "It's coming up." "That's actually one of my favorite odd lines in the movie." "That I'll rub Purell on it?" "I've gotta crib in the alley, I'll rub Purell on..." "You can laugh, Bill." "I told Bill not to laugh too loud." "Bill's not allowed." "Judd is monitoring our laughter now." "Our fear is that, as we do this commentary, we'll seem as though we're more amused by the movie than any of you people." " And then you'll hate us." " And then you'll think we're fucking asses." "Because of how self-congratulatory we are." "The truth is, there is no comedy without self-congratulations." "Now, that's Ivan Reitman's daughter, on the left." " Catherine." " It is." "And that's Brianna, a friend of Leslie's." "A good actress who's in The 40 Year Old Virgin." " And that guy is Nick Thune." " Nick Thune." "Who people tell me is very funny in his stand-up comedy." "And this whole section was a little tricky because we were trying to show that he's beginning to irritate her." "So, she's decided she likes him a little bit, and now that, as he gets comfortable, he gets irritating, and he starts telling people how it went." "And then he misinterprets these signs of irritation as thinking that she wants to get married." "When in fact, she's just not sure she likes him." "She's not." "She's beginning to like me less and less." "And it's funny 'cause I had a note on my computer screen, that the key to the movie is that Seth falls in love with her first and that's the whole point of the movie." "They love each other at the end, but Seth definitely decided he loved her first." "And the guy behind there, Jeff, he was in the Pure Prairie League," " and wrote a lot of their songs." " He was." "We did some inserts where they were looking at one of his albums..." "And we're looking at his dick 'cause you can see it through the pants." "And we were like, as he was standing behind us, me and Paul were looking at his picture from 30 years ago," " and being like, "Look at that guy's cock."" " Yeah, you were like, "Nice cock."" "Piercing through the pants, you can see the head there." "There's the head." "And there was one that Paul went on, where Paul says," ""This picture makes me think about a party at Don Henley's house," ""where this guy is doing coke off Linda Ronstadt's ass."" "Yeah, exactly." " But, you know what?" "It was just for us." " It was just for us." "You know, some of them are." "Now, this is the first Spider-Man reference." "We thought it'd be funny to mention Spider-Man." "There's Topher Grace surrounded by breasts." " You can't really see it that well." " Famous people around tits." "Yeah, that was a section of the website." ""Famous People in Scenes With Tits."" "Yeah, 'cause you want, you know, top..." "There's just a lot of famous people around boobs in films." "The one where there's Tom Hanks in Bachelor Party." "There was Schwarzenegger in Total Recall." "I mean, it goes on and on." "Anyone who's ever been in a strip club scene, for example." "I actually have a giant framed one of those in my garage, for some reason, of that Topher Grace thing." "I think it might be that actual one, but it's, like, 4' across." "It's like, "Where the fuck am I gonna put" ""a giant picture of Topher Grace's head surrounded by tits?"" "Does that go in the library?" "Now this, we thought, was a funny idea, that he has no money, so he just gives her an empty box as a promise to one day give her..." "Which, I think is nice, but women find it horrifying." "No, my little sister, Katie, came to the friends and family screening." "She said this was the scene where she fell in love with your character." "That's nice." "Now, how much did you spend on your wedding ring?" "The engagement ring." " My engagement ring?" " Yeah." "Well, the stone is from my mom." "So, actually, the ring..." " It's like three grand or something like that." " So you just bought a band?" "I bought a band that was like three grand." "I spent five grand on the ring." "Now, my wife is mad at me for two reasons." "One, I didn't know anything about diamonds, so I went to the diamond district on a Jewish holiday, and I had to buy it from an Egyptian guy or an Iraqi guy." "As opposed to the Jew who hooks you up as another Jew," "I got screwed and I bought this really yellow diamond." "Was it a canary diamond?" "No, no, no." "It was a shit diamond." " It was shitty..." " It was a urine diamond." "And that same weekend, I was in New York, I went to an autograph collection, and spent $5,500 on a bunch of autographs of Frank Sinatra and Orson Welles, and the Marx Brothers, and the Beatles." "And my wife is always mad that I spent more on autographs than on the wedding ring." "That makes sense." "I can see why you'd be mad at that." "There used to be a funny shot where you fell back on the bed and then closed the box sadly." "Now, this is a funny scene because it's based on the fact that me and Leslie always watch Oprah, and there's always these doctors on giving advice." "And a lot of the new theories are about that it's good that couples irritate each other 'cause they're bringing up real problems to the surface, and that's the point of a relationship." "Is to irritate each other." "And Leslie, as a funny riff on it, has misinterpreted that as, your job in a marriage is to make your husband feel bad about himself so he'll change." "Yeah, and then they'll thank you for it." "It's like breaking a wild stallion." "Now, do you feel that way in your relationship?" "On some level she is training you and breaking you down?" " Me?" " Yeah." "Well, I've quit smoking." " That's it." " That's the only thing she wants from you?" "Yeah, and it's hard to argue that, really." "It's easy to say, "I don't want to quit smoking."" "But then, when you really get into it, it's hard to really take a stance for smoking." "You quitting smoking has had a ripple effect with all of our friends." " I know." " Now I've kind of stopped." "Segel, that's part of his, like, "No, Seth stopped."" " You've saved lives." " No one else has actually quit." "It might have created a ripple effect, but it's still all you guys talking and having fun with your cigarettes, and me alone, inside." " Chewing tobacco." " Exactly." "Dipping..." "Now I inject heroin into my balls." "When I was writing the movie, Rudd told me that he always sneaks out of the room to play fantasy baseball and football." "So, that was the beginning of this idea that she thinks that he's cheating on her, but really he just wants to hang out with his friends more and get away from his family duties." "And I have not ever done that, but the thing is, I have dreamt of doing it." "Just saying to Leslie, "You know what?" ""Me and Seth gotta get this polish done."" "And then, going to go see Spider-Man or Lord of the Rings." "And I always think about it, but I don't have the balls to do it, God damn it." "Would you say, maybe, instead of saying that we're writing, and then actually going to do something else, maybe we've said we're writing, and just not quite have written as much as we intended." "And maybe, instead, listened to Adam Sandler records." "Well, that's part of the issue of being married, is like, you know, no matter how much you love your wife and your family, there's just a lot to do." "There's just a lot of shit to do out there." "There's lot of fun stuff out there." "You gotta pick up your kids, you gotta drop them off, and you love hanging out with them." " But there's only so many hours in a day." " There's Sandler records." "There's Adam Sandler records out there to listen to." "There's fantasy baseball." "And when you're in a relationship, sometimes one person wants to hang out with the other person more, and that's awkward, you know." "'Cause as a man, you kind of do want to hide alone in a room." "When I was a kid, I used to watch TV from 3:00 to 11:00 every day, and then when I got into high school, it went 3:00 till 1:30." "And so, for me to just be with other people all day is actually kind of a change of lifestyle." "Oh, it totally is." "My wife and I talk about that constantly, where she'll come in and it is like, "Get out of my room." "Please."" "How much TV did you watch as a kid?" "I watched, like, after school," "I watched Cosby Show and Golden Girls while I did my homework, and then I watched 1l2 Hour Comedy Hour." "And then, I watched TV until Letterman was done." "I liked to watch Letterman." " Then I had to go to bed." " Why'd you like Golden Girls so much?" " That show is hilarious." " It really is funny." "There's this writer, Jim Vallely, who was one of the writers on Golden Girls." "He's one of the most hilarious guys ever." "He used to be in this comedy team, Schmock and Vallely." "Their big bit was they would do King Kong doing the dishes." "But he is hilarious, and if you ever see his name on a show and it's funny, you know why." "Now this scene, a lot of this was improvised." "We were trying to show the tension that occurs, because she says no to the proposal." "I get a little passive-aggressive." "Yeah." "I don't know if people picked that up, but that's what we're going for." "It's a lot deeper than people would credit." "And then Paul, too." "Paul's really passive-aggressive, and Leslie's onto him and she's pissed." "And I think we re-ordered this." "I don't think the sex was supposed to go after it." "But I thought it'd be funny to have this terrible dinner, but you still cut to them having sex." "She's horny, I'm horny." "Why not?" "You know." "But all of that anger is still floating in the air." "It's angry sex." "It actually worked." "It was a good restructuring." "Were these scenes awkward to do?" "They really weren't that awkward." "They were supposed to be funny, you know." "So it's like, you just kind of go for it." "She carried a lot of the weight in these scenes." "I was pretty much just gyrating." "She was screaming and moaning." "I was concerned that I was gonna get an erection." "Really?" "I thought that would be so weird if I run to give you a set, and have..." "Have a big boner piercing through." "A big boner, like from The Man with Two Brains." "Wear your hats on it." "Yeah, that would've been weird." "It would've let us know we were doing a good job." "There was supposed to be one or two more sexual positions, and Katherine just turned to me and said, "I think we got it."" "And the funny thing is that it's not just sex, it's like her going deeper and you having to really go..." "I know." "There was some pretty nasty shit said during this scene, I have to say." "Now, this is a joke, I don't even remember where it came from, the "fuck me like a dog" bit." "I think she actually just said that." ""I don't want you to fuck me like a dog."" ""I don't want you to fuck me like a dog."" "Again, something she does not say on Grey's Anatomy." " No, not often." " Or on Roswell." "There's another run here, which we did, which is very funny." "Where they're having sex and, in the middle, Seth goes, "Wait." "Stop." "Wait." "Stop."" "I pulled a move." " Like, you're gonna ejaculate." " Like I'm gonna come." "Everything needs to settle, and then we can start again." "You need to reset the gauges every once in a while." "And that's an example of a joke I thought would murder, and people were not up for it." "You hit too close to home, maybe, for some guys." "I think some guys just like, "He's taken my move."" "You don't see much of this onscreen anymore." "No, you really don't." "Not even in the original Crash do you see that move." "That's pretty filthy, right there." "But, you know, when I was writing the movie, Leslie said to me," ""Don't make it like this movie is all about female issues." ""Why don't you talk about some stuff you're all screwed up about?"" "And she's like, "Talk about how the fact that you get weird" ""as we get closer to having the baby about sex."" "She's like, "You've gonna have the balls to put that in?"" "We did." "And what I like about this scene is 'cause now, when everyone laughs, I can say," ""See, they laughed 'cause everyone feels that way."" "Exactly. "I'm not the jerk who's weirded out by it." "Everyone is."" "You know, when my mom watched this movie," "I don't think she ever once saw the sex scene before, and then, she saw it the other night at the premiere, and she leaned over to me, and she said, "Are those your nipples?"" "She thought we painted on..." "Yeah, she thought my nipples were weird-Iooking." "She thought my nipples photographed funny." "She thought that we maybe put fake nipples on." "It was really..." "It was weird." "It's off." "I thought Seth's pager was creating the disturbance." "The thing about the sex during pregnancy is," " there is no, like, roll bar in there." " No." "Exactly." "And how could you not feel weird, jumping up on top of a child?" "I think there used to be a joke, which is like," ""If a baby was just sitting here, I wouldn't just lay on it."" "I'm like, "If you put a thin layer of flesh over that baby," ""does that make it okay to just lay on it?"" "I feel bad just being on a woman, without a baby involved." "Now, Jason was very comfortable being naked all night here." "He was kind of acting like he didn't want to be naked." " But he wanted to." " He does seem very comfortable." "Bill, would you ever do a nude scene?" "Yes." "If you had me do a nude scene, I would totally do it." "How nude could you go, comfortably?" "I don't think I could go full monty, but I could do what Jason did." " You'd cover it?" " Yeah, I'd cover it." " You'd let the spider legs poke out." " Yeah." " A little bit of testicles." " One nut." "I remember, when I asked you about the movie, Seth, this is the scene you described to me." "Really?" "The earthquake scene?" "Yeah, you described the throwing the bong on the ground." "All right." "This is actually a scene that I was always very proud of." "The idea that an earthquake would reveal what a dipshit you are." "Didn't that kind of happen to you?" "During the Northridge earthquake, literally, every single thing that I owned was in the center of the floor in a pile." " And..." " What, were you looking at it or..." "I did have a girlfriend at the time." "When the earthquake hit, what happened was..." "She starts screaming." "It's 2:30 a.m. She's going..." "And she's screaming, literally, like it's nuclear war." "Her scream isn't like, "Earthquake, I'm nervous."" " It was like, "We are gonna definitely die." - "We will all definitely die."" "And then the earthquake ended, and she wanted to get up, and she went into a wild-eyed panic, and I was just like," ""Let's just go back to sleep and we'll deal with it in the morning."" "Every car alarm in town is going off." "We go outside, Ralphs is on fire, and she gets this very nervous laugh, like, she's kind of cracked from the earthquake fear," "and every time she sees a crack in the sidewalk, she's like," ""Look at the crack in the sidewalk."" "And I knew that was kind of like the end of the relationship because..." "She cracked." "She wanted to go hang out at her parents' house and I wanted to hang out with Allen Covert and eat a turkey." "That's how I sought comfort." "We ate an entire 12-pound turkey, a 14-pound turkey, me and Allen Covert." "You cooked it for six hours." "You braised it." "That's a Pink Floyd poster in the background there." "All of the album covers painted on women's backs." " I'm amazed we got that." " And then we got a Fraggle Rock poster." " And this weird picture of a rabbi." " A picture of a rabbi." " Where is the Fraggle Rock poster?" " It's next to the rabbi, you can't really see it." "We thought it would be funny if it looked like we got a lot of the furniture and shit from one of our grandmothers." "I like that she has a picture of you on her desk." "I know." "There was a scene where I gave it to her." "We cut it." "This is a sequence I feel a little odd about because we take this vicious swipe at Steely Dan." "But I want to be very clear about something, I love Steely Dan." "In a lot of this movie, I take swipes at a lot of things and people that Seth Rogen loves." " Like Matthew Fox." " Like Matthew Fox." "I'm a huge Lost fan." "I've literally seen every single episode." "I think Matthew Fox kicks ass." " We love Meg Ryan." " I love Meg Ryan." "She's a treat." "She's America's sweetheart." "But, you know, I think part of it and I hope people understand, is that, the things we're attacking are the things that make you look like an asshole for attacking." "Like, who attacks Steely Dan?" " AI Jarreau." " Yeah, or Al Jarreau." " I love Al Jarreau." " He's great." "I use to make out to Al Jarreau in 12th grade." "I know Matthew Fox is gonna" " kick the shit out of me." " In fact, I want to sing it so bad." " Don't sing it, Judd." " I can scat." "You can't even scat the tune." "You're doing it." "You just cost..." "That's 300 grand, Judd." "That's 300 grand." "I'm trying to make it, like, not even the melody." "That sounds close." " All right." "Al Jarreau's gonna call." " Now this night here..." "This is a scene where she's looking for Pete, she thinks he's having sex with a woman." "Tobey Maguire really liked this scene." "Yeah." "We should review every scene Tobey Maguire liked." "But he really laughed hard at this scene." "He was nervous." "That's actually fun to have a huge star sitting behind you at a premiere and you can gauge." "It really was." "He was very vocal, which was great." "He kind of kept being like, "Oh, no." Like, he really could feel the tension." "Did he ever laugh like this?" "He did kind of." "He was like a very vocal audience, like..." "He would really explain how he was feeling, like, "Oh, no."" " He's like a black guy." " Exactly." "If there was lot of tension or something like that, he'd be like, "Oh no, no, dude." "Don't say that."" "Exactly." "Did he go, "Oh, no, you didn't."" ""Oh, no, you didn't." "Don't take that shit, Ben."" "There was a lot of that." "He was very vocal." "It's so exciting when, like, a star shows up at the premiere, 'cause, like, we're so kind of third rate." "Like at The 40 Year Old Virgin, Brad Pitt showed up because he knows Catherine Keener." " That makes you happy." " That made me happy." "When someone so much better than us shows up." "Tobey Maguire, he was there, Spider-Man." "Paul Feig, the creator of Freaks and Geeks in the tie." "And I love that Paul Feig is here and he is an actor in?" " Heavy Weights." " And?" " Ski Patrol." " Ski School." "Not Hotdog, Ski School." "When I first auditioned for Freaks and Geeks, my one overwhelming thought was," ""Holy shit, that's the guy from Ski School who dances."" "And Wayne Federman, standing up, a great actor and comedian, who is the guy..." "When Paul Rudd showed his ass in Virgin, he was the guy who was trying to buy a phone." "He's also Larry Sanders' brother, right?" "I love this vagina joke." "If the joke's so nice, we say it twice." "Paul Feig said it, and I thought, you can get one more laugh out of that joke." "If I repeat it 30 seconds later." "I saw Paul at the premiere and I said..." "He goes, "You're funny." I go, "Your joke was so good, they said it twice."" "That's exactly what it was." "Now, this scene was..." "It was kind of a turning point scene in the movie because it's mainly a dramatic scene." "We shot a lot of footage of fighting." "This was the sad version but, just to be safe," "I shot Leslie tearing him a new asshole." "Screaming and cursing at him, and it went a little too far, but it was the way some people fight and this was the..." "The sad version, the idea was that she wouldn't yell at Paul, and then you cut to the next scene and Allison yells at Ben, with the anger you expected from them." "You didn't put that much thought into it?" " No, I didn't." "I just made that up." " You just made that up, right now." " I mean, I'm drinking Red Bull." " I can see that." "That just happened." "That's what Joe Layton said." "What I love about this scene is, Leslie is just really going there." " She really goes there." " Like, this is hardcore..." "This is, like, acting, not really what we usually do like..." "Tobey Maguire did not laugh at the Spider-Man jokes." "No, because he..." "He was a little uncomfortable about them, maybe." "Didn't he have a calculator out, was he figuring out his gross?" "Yeah, he was too busy working out his points." "He was thinking, "As I've sat here, I made $400 million more."" ""If this makes 8 million in Brazil..."" ""I guess I'm buying the Nestle Crunch tonight..."" "So this is the beginning of..." "Both couples are about to break up, and I wanted to do it like a run in the movie where you and Paul bonded because I thought that it was..." "You guys were so good together in The 40 Year Old Virgin, but you only had one scene together." "I know." "I didn't even think about that until you said that the other day." "Yeah, there is only one..." "There's more than one real scene, I guess, but there's only, like, two or three scenes, really." "It felt untapped, and there's nothing more annoying that when like..." "The brother-in-laws hang out, or not brother-in-laws, but..." "Now, this scene we just drove around, like, for half a day with you guys fighting." "There was a whole run where, out of the blue, she gets really mad about the porn website, and suddenly is just, like, screaming at you about..." "It had to do with the kids, like, googling..." "Well, there was a run where Maude says, "I googled penis and vagina."" "And then here she says, "Maybe..."" ""Girls wouldn't be googling vagina..."" ""We wouldn't have to worry about that if you didn't do that fucking website."" ""We miss male camaraderie." Why do I give a shit?" "And I say, "Without girls googling vagina, I'd be out of business."" "But a lot of this we caught right at the end..." "It was like a little circle that we would shoot in and right as we were pulling in," "I fed her the joke about her vagina." ""Talk about how your vagina is never gonna be the same."" "And she went right with it." "I mean, I was just like," ""Talk about how your vagina is never gonna be the same."" "And then she just goes on this mad riff about it." "Katherine is so good at this kind of riffing." "...look the same after this!" "Well." "Fine." "I'm sorry, I'll pay for vaginal reconstructive surgery." "Now that was a great riff." " I gotta tip my cap, that was..." " That was a good one." "And I said it..." "Evan Goldberg does not..." "The word is vaginal, but he says it "vaginal."" "Which I always think is hilarious." "So I have give it to Evan Goldberg's loose grip on the human language to be saying "vaginal reconstructive surgery, " not vaginal." "Now, this type of event happened to me and Leslie once." " Really?" " Yes." "Which was, we were driving to the gynecologist." "It was very late in the pregnancy." "Leslie was very hormonal and I was being really irritating." "What were you doing?" "Because sometimes you have to be irritating because you feel like you're not standing up for yourself." "So, like, even though you know it will drive someone crazy, there's a part of you that's like, "I can't be a bitch right now."" "You're stifled." "You don't wanna stifle yourself." "And she got mad and flipped out and said, "Get out of the car."" "And then I had to walk, find a phone booth, call a cab, and then I took it." "Then you're thinking to yourself," ""If I don't go to the gynecologist appointment," ""I know she's gonna be even madder."" "So it's like, "If I go home and pull that move," ""I'm gonna get in trouble."" "And that was kind of the theory, in a lot of the pregnancy, which was," ""It's so hard on my body" ""that you need to just give me a break."" "Which I understood, like, "It's so hard, I'm so hormonal,"" "which a thing that men can't understand, like, chemicals changing your mood." "That it was like, "You have to, like, give me a break if I do anything insane."" "And I showed up at the gynecologist just with my tail between my legs trying to act like it's cool, no big deal." "But then like three years later, it's like," ""You should put that in the movie, when I kicked you out of the car."" "I didn't read the baby book!" "But all this stuff is potentially explosive." "Because this is all so scary when you're going to a gynecologist and all that." "What to Expect When You're Expecting on the pyramid walls!" "I screamed at her here." "...about the baby books?" " It just shows your lack of commitment..." "She was great in this scene." "Yeah." "This is another thing that she brings to the movie, like Catherine Keener brought to The 40 Year Old Virgin, that we really don't possess, which is how to act." "And then we all rise to that level." "It's true." "I will never make someone rise to..." "No one will ever look at me and think, "I gotta be as good as that guy."" "They'll look at me and think, "He's almost keeping up."" "Which is all I need." "Now, there was a debate about whether or not the baby would be a boy or a girl." "It was really funny when you said, "It's a boy."" "But we changed it to a girl because the final song, Daughter, was the best end." "But the version where you say girl here really disturbs people." " It really does." " With a boy, you gotta laugh, when we had the boy version." "Tobey Maguire was very vocal of his dislike for me at this moment in the movie." "He said, "Oh, no." He actually said, "Oh, no, he didn't," I think." "Did he say didn't or di'nt?" "He said, D-l-apostrophe-N-T." "People really flip out when you give them the gender." "My wife did that." "She turned to me and said, "Did he just say it was..." ""Oh, my God."" "And then people actually, like, still are hoping I'm lying." "Some people came up to me after and were, like," ""I was so disappointed when it actually was a girl."" "We tried that, but we didn't have a way to cover it." "We tried to put a loop in to cover it." "Now, this scene we shot just so much conversation about gripes in their relationship." "But it always felt important to me to talk about Everybody Loves Raymond, 'cause as I was writing this, I thought to myself, every issue I'm talking about has been done better on Everybody Loves Raymond at some point." "And the only thing that's different is just..." "This is just my particular comedy style versus Phil Rosenthal and Ray Romano and their staff." "'Cause I love Everybody Loves Raymond." "It really is kind of a remarkable feat of comedy writing and performing." "There was a long period in your life where, in your spare time, whenever I saw you, you were writing episode ideas for Everybody Loves Raymond unsolicited, and just sending them to Phil Rosenthal." "After Undeclared got canceled." "That's so true." "I forgot about that." "It was, I'd just see him and be like, "What are you doing?"" ""I got 13 new Everybody Loves Raymond ideas."" "After Undeclared got canceled, I took a year to just, like, read books, 'cause I'd never read a book before." "And I was watching a lot of Everybody Loves Raymond." "And I would call him up and go, "Hey, I got a great idea,"" "and I really wanted to write an episode, and he rejected every one." "He didn't like any of them." ""We did that nine seasons ago, Judd."" "And I had a great episode idea, which was that a girl shows up that's an ex-girlfriend that he always made, like, wasn't a big deal, that it was only a few months, that clearly he went out with for years and years, and destroyed him" "and haunts him, and she realizes that, like, he never told her the truth about how big a deal this woman was." "And, you know what?" "They were wrong." "I'll make your Everybody Loves Raymond." "I thought they'd be so excited for me to write Everybody Loves Raymond." "I know, it wasn't viewed as you thought it would be." "The writer of several failed TVshows presents..." "Unsolicited." "I know your show is a hit and mine failed, but I can help you." "Let me show you how it's done." "Now, what is the story about this pinkeye?" "You told me this concept." "Yeah, this is something..." "I originally actually heard it from Evan." "This is something they did at their summer camp, is they would bare-assed fart on each other's pillows and pinkeye would break out." "They didn't do it with the goal of giving pinkeye." "That was a happy little repercussion, I guess." "But, you know, they say dynamite was invented by accident." "So you never know..." "What is the grossest thing like that, that you and your friends use to do, Bill?" "I don't really know." "I don't we had anything really bad." "When we were looking for trouble, we put leeches on each other." " That was more of a medical thing" " I had a friend who peed on my face, twice." "While I was sleeping." "In front of a crowd, baby." "Yeah, we did that thing of like, putting, like, a hand in the warm water and watching our friend piss." "This green screen looks pretty good." "I worked so hard to make this green screen look good." " It did not look good." " It didn't look good." "And then I just went crazy working, and learning the craft and the science." "He had to render all this stuff himself." "That's a scale model of Vegas." "Judd built that." "It's all motion-control cameras." "I love that we had Britney Spears in that, and also I like the way you reference Swingers, "You're so money," because..." "You have to reference it, it's literally the same scene." "Well, after 40 Year Old Virgin, Jon Favreau said..." " As a joke, but probably serious." " Half-serious." "Half-serious, he said," ""Great job ripping off all of Swingers."" "Yeah, he said, "I liked the movie," ""especially the scenes that weren't ripped off of Swingers."" "And he was so correct." "I remember Seth's line, "That's how you get pinkeye."" "After you did that, Judd e-mailed me." "It was like the subject line was like, "Greatest line ever."" "He's like, "Literally, five minutes ago, Seth just said..."" "That is one of my favorite jokes ever." "Now, that strip club scene is about 12 seconds, but we made a point of shooting it for about five hours." "About five and a half hours, and God bless those girls." "And I had a meeting with Stormy Daniels to ask her what the terms were so I understood how to get them to move." "And so, they said there's a cowboy, and then the reverse cowboy." " Cowgirl." " Cowgirl." "Facing them or facing away." "And you just hear..." "They'd be dancing, and then you'd hear, "Reverse cowgirl!"" "Now, this scene is a scene..." "You know, Leslie likes to go out dancing, as I mentioned, and she always judges how she felt she was looking or dressing based on how quickly she gets in." "And it's a very important thing, which is if they let her in or not." "So I thought when you're down and you and your husband have broken up, getting rejected by these guys would be the worse thing ever and make you snap." "And she lets him have it." "...fucking rope!" "You know what?" "Craig's funny in this." "And Craig Robinson and her are like the new comedy team for the century." " He's so funny in this." " They're like Stiller and Meara." "You think they're Stiller and Meara?" "Robinson and Mann." "Now, the other thing that's interesting here is Leslie goes," ""You fucking fag with your faggy gloves."" "Which I thought was funny because, you know, she's trying to emasculate him and that's what you would do in a situation when you're just trying to make someone feel bad." "And then the whole Grey's Anatomy thing happens." "Oh, that's true!" "I never even thought of that." "With the "fag" word, and then you see Katie in the background as Leslie is screaming, "Fucking fag!" And it seems like I've used" " what's happening in the culture." " You're commenting on it, yeah." "That's our comment on how wrong it is to hurt each other with words." "And then this was really making us laugh, him being terrible." "What did you say to Craig in this?" "Well, this is actually not too far from the original script." "But everyone was pitching in that night, funny lines, and I have to say, him saying," ""I would tear that ass up," really was making me laugh." "He said that at his audition." "Then we said, "We can't have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around."" "That consistently makes me laugh." "He also had a whole other run about, "I can't have some pregnant girl dancing," ""her water breaks, someone break their neck."" "Yeah, someone would slip, break their neck." "He kept saying, "It's an insurance liability to have pregnant people in the club."" "He also said, he goes, "I can't even let any Middle Easterners" ""unless they're piping hot women."" "He goes, "So I can't let in my girlfriend" ""'cause she's Pakistani and she's unattractive."" "And she's mildly unattractive." "Now, we shot this..." "This was the last shot of the movie." "Well, we shot this, we must have done 25 takes of this." "This was the first one." "Then we kept..." "There's Fogel and Evan." "There's Evan Goldberg and Fogel in the pool." "That was the last shot of the movie." "That was." "We wrapped at that pool." "Now, the Cirque du Soleil people could not have been cooler." "I mean, they were not shocked at the idea of a mushroom scene, let's just say that." "They seemed shocked that anyone had thought of not doing a mushroom scene at Cirque du Soleil." "And then, when we had to get clearance from the Cirque du Soleil people, the woman who actually approved how the final cut of it..." "'Cause they had approval, told me that she was my babysitter when I was eight." " Actually?" " Yes." " Wow!" " A very, very nice woman." " And these guys were incredible." " They were brothers." " They were brothers." " We got to stand up there." "We got to meet them." "It was so weird." "So there's an entire day with..." "Cirque du Soleil just put the show on for us all day." "So is that a real or is that just, like, that half of an audience?" "No, we got almost the whole audience." "It wasn't like one of those things..." "And we shot most of the show." "We didn't use a ton of it, but we shot the whole show." "And I was really trying to figure out how broad to get with the mushrooms," " so we just did a little wide-angle lens." " Put a fish-eye on it." "That's the only actually phrase of technology I know, which is wide-angle." "But the reason why I chose this show was because they had the baby in the show." " And that baby was genius." " He was really, really funny." "And it was totally by accident that, that dude?" "We went to a few of the shows, and that was the show that had an element that had a baby in it." " But they did have a baby in the show." " That's crazy." "Me and Evan were dispatched to Las Vegas to watch Cirque du Soleil shows." "It may be the poorest professional decision of anyone's lives." "Now, I like this scene because this really goes to the core of how women feel about themselves, and their fears that they don't get better looking but men do." "Paul Rudd really has gotten better looking though." "Like, that's totally true." "He's aging like a fine wine, that guy." "And she says that, "And you've got the lips."" "You know, it's so specific what she's jealous of about her sister." "Fucking men!" "But Leslie's going for it hardcore." "I mean, this is a thing that I think deepens the movie and makes it much more interesting is, there's kind of a high-concept idea and then some of the emotions just go farther than you expect." " And then you get a cunt joke." " Exactly." "In two parts." "And this is one of the great cunt jokes." "This is a great cunt joke." "And then, during The Larry Sanders Show, there is an episode where" "Hank is mad at Larry's wife and he says, "That cunt."" "Then he goes, "I'm so sorry." "I'm on this cold medication." ""And that hypnotist the other day, I think he put a hex on me."" "This kills." "Now this, Judd, you just..." "This, you just made up when we got to the set." "We noticed there's a lot of chairs in the room and you said, "This should be what the scene is."" "When I was..." "In the early '90s, about 15 or 16 years ago, I did mushrooms about four times." " And you've been milking it ever since." " I saw Frank Sinatra on mushrooms with Don Rickles, and Don Rickles brought my friend on stage while he was tripping on mushrooms to do one of the bits with him, and I almost shit myself laughing." "I literally..." "Almost my entire intestines came out of my asshole, laughing." "And then the whole time Sinatra was on, I literally was having a religious experience." "I literally was just the whole time thinking," ""Everyone here tonight is gonna get laid."" "And how true was that?" "But I love the idea of guys..." "Not me." "Unless it was Joel Madison." "But I like the idea of people being on drugs as a way to get them to say things that are unspeakable." "Exactly." "And also, at the beginning, they're watching" "Steve Martin, who's obviously one of my favorite comedians of all time." "And then that gives him a meltdown, watching" "Cheaper by the Dozen, 'cause he can't handle the responsibility of children." "We had a great run where you're talking about Steve Martin on mushrooms saying..." " How's he always looked the same." " Yeah." "And then you say, "Literally, from the time I have been born," ""Steve Martin has always been there." ""And he makes these movies and TVshows and he writes articles in The New Yorker," ""and then some are better than others," ""but he's always giving me these gifts."" "He writes novellas, he writes little novellas, and they're not too long." "And then says, he goes," ""He's always been there for me my whole life," ""him and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar."" "And I was like, "If I ever told them that, they'd think I was weird." ""That's what's fucked about the world, man."" ""I can't even thank Steve Martin."" ""No." "He'd think I was crazy."" "But this scene really worked out, and it's one of the bigger scenes in the movie." "I think it's the biggest laugh." "And this part here when you talk about how you wish she felt that way about you, and it makes you sad all day." "I'm plucking heart strings, Judd." " You went for it." "You went for it." " I went for it." "I exposed myself." ""You're a filthy bitch."" "Now, I didn't realize that "bust your balls" is, like, a term for sodomy or..." "Someone said that to me, like, "Bust your balls" is..." "What?" "I don't know how they're performing their sodomy, but mine, the balls are left completely intact." " When I perform sodomy..." " That got a reaction." "My balls are left unscathed after a healthy round of sodomy." "Yeah, when you do a scene on mushrooms, you gotta do some riffing." "It's hard to act like you're on mushrooms, 'cause it's a bizarre behavior." "It's true." "I have done mushrooms and I always feel like..." "I always feel like I've just finished crying when I'm on mushrooms." "That was basically it." "And that I might throw up at any second." "I think I'm too neurotic to ever do anything ever again." "I mean, when I was 20 years old, I was all fresh-faced." "Now, I have demons that would come out and crush me." "It'll be like James Gandolfini on The Sopranos." "Kids, don't take mushrooms." "That's all we're saying." "That's all we're saying." "It'll unearth some demons." "Now, I felt bad, you're making my daughter say this curse." "Though, the weird thing about this curse is..." "You know, when my parents fought when I was a kid once." "Is "penis" a curse?" "Is that what you're saying?" " Well, it's "prick"." " Oh, "prick"." "One of them used the word "prick", and I had never heard it, and I really felt like that was the meanest word" "I had ever heard at, like, 13 years old." "And so, I felt bad having my daughter say it." "And then I tried to get her to forget it, and you know what, she only says it like every couple of weeks now." "That's good." "You know what, here's how useless having your kids say or not say things as they're growing up is." " I never swore when I was growing up." " Ever?" " Ever!" "And look at me now." " You can't stop." "I literally can't stop." " Was that like your parents or..." " Yeah, my parents told me just not to swear." " Really?" " I didn't swear." " Did you swear, Bill?" " I swore a lot." "I remember the word "bastard" is in Raiders of the Lost Ark." " Yeah." " And that was like the first..." "I called my sister a bastard." "Did you get into trouble with your parents?" "Yeah, yeah." "My dad was like, "No, you are a bastard."" "Did your parents let you curse?" "Yeah, they were pretty cool about it, actually." "My dad did not let me curse, oddly." "Yeah, and, you see, now we get paid to." "Now we did a couple of the "You know how I know you're gay"jokes." "We had more, but decided it took out of the movie a little bit." "It's a little allusion to ourselves." "It's right on the verge of being..." " Completely corny." " Self-referential and soulless." "We're so close to it." "I don't know if we crossed it or not." "Did you guys..." "Because I remember the driving-to-Vegas stuff." "We actually shot a whole "You know how I know you're gay" thing." "I remember me and Nick and some other people had to go..." " Yeah, Bill wrote a bunch of funny..." "...jokes for it." "One of the funniest ones was," ""You know how I know you're gay?" "You only eat outside at restaurants."" "One was, "You know how you're gay?" "You had an Oscar party."" "Yeah, that was a great one." "Actually there were so many that it watered it all down." "Exactly." "But then you said, "You know how I know you're gay?" ""You're referencing your own movie."" " Yeah, exactly." " Yeah." "Which is why we know we're gay." "One of the choices here that I think is interesting is that you never see Leslie and Paul get back together." "No, it doesn't happen." "It was just so awful being apart, and that's kind of what marriage is like." "You have these eruptions and then you just settle back in." "Like I was reading a book that Garry Shandling gave me and it said that women's emotions are like waves and you can't take any wave too seriously because it's about to crash on the beach and just a new one is coming." "And so, you can't focus too much attention on any of them." "That is good to know." "And so, here, it's supposed to be like a surprise." "Like you think he's just going to get her back." "Were you surprised, Bill?" "Or did this just not work for you?" "No, that was..." "It totally surprised me." "It did surprise me, too, that they had made up, that Paul and Leslie had made up that quick." "And this is actually such an odd joke that gets a big laugh." " Great assist there." " The Happy Birthday thing." "Was that written or is that just like..." "Well, it's something that we just discovered at the set." "I wanted him to be bringing out a cake, but we did think, "Oh, it would be funny to sing Happy Birthday" " "right after he says, 'You're a bad dad."'" " Yeah." "Who came up with, "You look like a cholo on Easter"?" " He just said that." " That was one of the funniest..." "That is a definition of a Paul Rudd improvisation." " Yeah." " "You look like a cholo on Easter."" "The guy from Univision really loved that line." "He did." "He kept talking about it." "Now, we wanted to do a sequence where she interviewed Jennifer Garner while she was pregnant," " and she would curse out Jennifer Garner." " Yeah, that's right." "Because Jennifer Garner was complaining how hard it is to be pregnant." "She's, like, married to Ben Affleck and life is perfect." "So then she loses her shit on her, and they get in like a crazy fight." "Like, two pregnant women motherfucking each other." " And Jennifer Garner said no." " And Steve Carell said yes." "Yeah." "So, then we thought maybe we can just go to the awards and then everyone says the thing that is the worst thing you can say to a pregnant woman, which is, "So, any day now?"" "Because if it's three more months to go or two months, it's like calling someone a fat cow." " Yeah." "There's Shauna Robertson." " There's Shauna and Dax." "And Dax Shepard." "And I like this." "It's a little awesome move from Steve." "Not being an asshole." "He seems so sad." " And the return of Bill Hader." " There he goes." "I told my parents I'm in this movie, and I go by really fast." "Really, don't go to the bathroom." "You're really great in this scene, I'm gonna say right now." " Thanks, man." " This may be your best scene." " Yeah, you're pretty fantastic." " While you're eating a sandwich." "I'm eating a sandwich, dude." "And Ramis on the phone, murdering." " Yeah." " Getting big laughs." "I wasn't even actually talking to him." "I was talking to you." "I do my best phone acting with Judd." "It doesn't matter if it's like a scene where I'm like breaking up with my girlfriend or talking to my father" "I do it best with Judd on the other end of the phone." "That's really good." "This made my wife get really choked up." "My wife thought it was really great." "Especially when you say like, "I'm an idiot, just tell me what to do."" "That feels so familiar to me and my friends when we were young, and reached out to our parents for help." " We couldn't handle..." " That's my actual realtor." "That's Mary Brill, director Steve Brill's mom." "And Brill was right before that." "He's the boss." "When Brill came on the screen, Tobey Maguire said, "Fucking Brill."" " Did he really?" " Yeah." "He's just a chatterbox, that Tobey Maguire." "He was." "He's really was very vocal." ""Fucking Brill."" "I thought it was like Mystery Science Theater 3000." "Tobey Maguire." "Now, this is a Bright Eyes song, which I love." "Yeah, this was good." "And he's in town on Friday." "Does anyone want to go?" " Yeah." " We were gonna go see Spamalot, Seth," " but I think I'm gonna bail on you." " You're gonna see Bright Eyes." "It's okay." "I got other shit to do." " But I got you the tickets." " Really?" " I got you the tickets." " Oh, sweet." "Okay, cool." "I'm in." "But I think me and Hader are going to Bright Eyes." " Have fun, guys." " Thanks." "I already saw Spamalot." "It was awesome though." "I guess you fold your things like that." " And then this..." " Is my actual painting." "And there's a little shout out to Jim Carrey, the man." "Paying the due respect." "I like your Eternal Sunshine poster." "Yeah, like his little eyes popping out right there." " It's Ben's favorite movie." " And this is sad, they're alone." "Now the return of Kristen Wiig and Alan Tudyk." "Alan Tudyk lives in my building in New York." " He does?" " Yeah." "He got in the elevator and I was like, "Oh, my God, you're in Knocked Up!"" ""We both have two scenes in Knocked Up!" "Yeah!" "Great to meet you!"" "Now again, Kristen Wiig rocking the house in the briefing here." "And we knew it'd be funny that..." "I didn't know if we had enough story here, but the whole movie, she was nervous about getting fired and they don't care at all." "They actually think it's incredibly cool." "Yeah." " That's a nice suit, too." " It is a good-Iooking suit." "I like the tie a lot." " We shot all this stuff at E!" " Like in a day, right?" "It was so fast." "We were, like, two days and did it." "And the E!" "people were very, very game." "That's the actual office of the president of E!" "Yes." "And it has tons of E!" "shit everywhere." "Like an E!" "basketball thing." "The funny thing is we took out their E!" "shit and put in different E!" "shit." "All E!" "shit." ""We're gonna have to lose all this stuff."" "And when we were shooting this, they have to dress the whole floor to make it look like the E!" "offices." "Even though it's the real E!" "offices, they have to clear images, and I looked in one little section and there were all these pictures of terrorists..." " What?" " But really heinous pictures of terrorists, and it felt almost anti-Semitic, and people blowing up and I went crazy on everyone." "I'm just like, "Is someone playing a fucking joke?"" " I remember that." " You can't put up pictures of..." " It was almost like pro-terrorists." " And it was me playing a joke." "And they said, "No, we just were snipping the paper."" "I'm like, "Well, use pictures from the Arts  Leisure section of the front page."" "Don't hang up pictures of Abu Abbas or whatever." " That's not too far off." " Abu Nidal." "Abu Nidal." "Come on, everyone loves an Abu Nidal joke." "Now there's Iris in her Snow White outfit." " For a while, I was..." " I'm always hip to an Abu Nidal joke." "I was trying to put Iris in different costumes, like in..." "We cut out a scene where she dressed as Annie for no reason." "Well, it's in..." "Have there been any other extended scenes?" " What else is new?" " It's only four minutes." "Did we do it all already?" "Is that it?" "Oh, there's a little bit at the end, I think." "Yeah, there's some stuff coming up in the hospital." "Oh, that's right, that's right." " And I think when she calls me in a minute." " Yeah, there's another scene coming up." "Now this is the scene where she slowly realizes she's in labor." "We really got a lot of mileage out of that Wild Things clip." "Yeah." "And this is you." "See, you're reading the book." "I'm reading the baby book." " Now is that a true thing too, Judd?" " What's that?" " Did you read baby books?" " I read them like crazy." " But I asked Rudd about..." " Rudd didn't read them." "And Rudd said, "I never read them."" "And I said, "Why didn't you read them?" And he goes, "Because, then it's real."" "And so, I put that in the movie." "Hey, I wonder what book he's reading?" "Can you show it off more to camera, Seth?" "Jesus Christ." "That's called bad staging for you young directors." "Look at that." "And I like this whole idea that the friends are calling him" " just making jokes about..." " How miserable I am." "No, no, what's the joke? "What do you call on you to masturbate?"" " Autoerotic asphyxiation." " Yeah." "I always think about Norm MacDonald doing that in that Charles Kuralt bit on Saturday Night Live." " Oh, yeah." " One of the funniest things ever." "What is the line?" "He goes, "I'm well about to retire now." ""I will spend time on my hobbies." ""I heard of a new thing called autoerotic asphyxiation."" "Prosthetic belly." "Now, this is something that is similar to what happened to my wife and I, which is I called up the doctor and the receptionist answered and said that..." "This woman said that she would not put me" " through to him." " Yeah." "And I said, "Can you just get my doctor on the phone?"" ""No, he's out of town." "Can you put him on?"" ""No, he's not allowed..." "He's told me not to put anyone through to him."" "I said, "But I saw him today." "Can you please just let me talk to him?"" "And she said, "No." And so, I..." " You motherfucked her." " I motherfucked her." "And then the on-call doctor called, and I said, "Well, you're a doctor." ""You understand." "Will you help me speak to my doctor?" ""Because I don't know you, I've never met you." ""So it's weird to have you deliver the baby." "Can you make sure I talk to my doctor?"" "And she said, "No."" " So I motherfucked her." " You motherfucked her, too." "And you know what's so funny when you motherfuck doctors?" " They're kind of surprised." " I would hope." "I think they live in a world" " where no one motherfucks them." " Exactly." "What was their reaction, was it just stunned silence?" "Or did they motherfuck you back?" "I hung up, too, for effect." "And my hang-up was, like, "I don't need you to have no motherfucking baby."" " And then I realized I had no doctor." " Good call." " Now this is a..." " This is extended." "Now this was always a scene we liked, but we just felt like the movie was getting long and we needed to keep..." "Rightly so, I think." "But a very funny scene that I enjoyed." "I enjoyed it as well." "It's hard to talk during the new scenes." "I haven't seen them as much." "Let's listen." "Is it happening?" "It's happening now?" "Push." "Push..." " Breathe like this..." " No, no, no, no." "Shit." "Sounds like a Bill Cosby routine." "Didn't they do that on Bill Cosby himself?" ""Your baby is coming and you'll have to..."" ""As I pulled back her hair, my wife looks at me," ""a little skull dripping off her face." ""Camille said it was time to have the baby."" " I can't drive like this." " No?" "You can't drive?" "Okay." "I'll get gas and then I'll pick you up." "I like this little negotiation." ""I gotta get gas, I gotta get cash."" "No, just come right now." "I'm not fucking around, okay?" "This is serious and I'm alone." "It's the last thing you need to do is just get here!" "Look, if you keep yelling at me, I'm never gonna get there." "She hangs up." "Anyway, this music, Tommy Lee." "This is a Tommy Lee song from one of his albums." " Really?" " Yes." " This is Tommy Lee?" " It is Tommy Lee." "And I'd like to give a shout out to Tommy Lee, wherever you are." " I bet he's partying." " Listen to his drums." "Wherever he is right now, he's doing something a lot cooler than this." "He is not doing this right now." "Now this is something that my wife did do, which is, when she went into labor the first time, she was fascinated by the idea of getting in the tub." "And so, she, like, tried to stay in the tub as long as she could 'cause she wanted to delay going to the hospital as long as possible." " And so, what's the tub rule?" " I don't know what the tub rule is." "You know, she thought that the longer it took, the better chance that she wouldn't need a C-section." "See, the problem when you have a baby is, you have all these ideas of how it's gonna go and you really, in your head, will it to happen." " And then the opposite always happens." " Yeah." "If you want it to be fun and easy, it, kind of, has to go weird." "And she wanted to be mellowing in the tub, so she sat in the tub." "No." "I don't wanna go there." "Those were well-placed bubbles." " Yes, those bubbles lasted a long time." " They did." " They're made of asbestos." " They are made of asbestos." "That's what killed the Tin Man." " That what they say." " Yeah." "So this is kind of a variation of the curse-out scene." "This is a scene that I put back in the movie." "Oh, no, I didn't put that part back in." " There's another part..." " Oh, with the kid?" " Where the kid answers the phone." " And says something mildly racist." " Yeah, and says something mildly..." " Did that happen to you?" "No?" " Well, that's a hard one to really describe." " Okay, let's not delve into that." "Let's just say I spoke to a doctor's child and words were exchanged." " You motherfucked him." " No, no, no." "But I called the kid and the kid has a cell phone." "So I call and ask to speak to the housekeeper or whoever else is home, and then he yells at the housekeeper, but then I hear him say to his friend," ""I can't talk now, some woman's having a baby."" "Now this goes far in the curse-out, and some people were asking us" " to not make this curse-out so mean." " Really?" "That it just really went too far with the wanting him to die." "That's my point here, is that I want him to die." "But this gets a huge reaction." "Both times I've seen it in the theater, people cheer at this." " People like Tobey love this." " Tobey Maguire." "Well, you know, I hope that one result of this movie is that one doctor somewhere is nicer to her patients, as a result of seeing that doctors sometimes, because of the pressure they're under and the responsibility," "forget the connection with the patients." "The bedside manner, if you will." "It's hard to have the bedside manner when you are God with lives in your hands, and you change the world." "You can cut open a body and reconnect the life to it." "But I do think that the movie does point out a lot of bad behavior of doctors, and you could show it to a medical school as an example of what not to do." "And you could also show it to an acting class of an example of what not to do in my situation." "There's a lot of what-not-to-dos in this movie." "Now we had a funny joke later, you know." "Like here, she's so happy that you admit you read the baby book." " Yeah." " And then later with Dr. Kuni, you admit that you only read 12 pages" " and you forgot half of it." " Yeah." "And then there was a big debate about whether or not that ruins your newfound likeability at the end of the movie." " I thought it did." " And I took it out." "You did take it out." "I showed Adam Sandler and he said, "Oh, no, you have to keep it in."" "But in the end, I wussed out, I took it out." "My girlfriend was a big proponent of not having that." " That's right." " She really..." "And it's rare that I will get a repeated note from Lauren..." "I think she kept e-mailing you." "Yeah, that was like, "Lauren seriously thinks you have to take it out."" "I think she just kept e-mailing you." "I thought it was gonna affect your relationship," " so I took it out." " It's true." "Now you see why I quit smoking." "She's very convincing." "The "Jewish rite of passage"joke always gets me." " Yes." " I enjoy that." "She really does capture the pain of pregnancy, and, in fact, when we shot the delivery scenes coming up," "Leslie came in to make sure the pain and the screaming was correct." "She was our pain advisor." " And then she pulled her back out." " Yeah, Katherine, like, threw her back out." " Oh, my God, I didn't know that." " Yeah." "And we've Adam Scott as the nurse, the male nurse." "For some reason, every time he turns around, in my head, I've pretended that he does it on purpose." "He turns around as though it's a celebrity cameo." "That he does." "He turns around as though he's Ben Stiller or something, like his face is kind of obscured." "And the way he turns around, it's as though he's almost waiting so you can say, "Hey!" "There he is."" "There's something very revealing about that." "And it's funny, the goofy nurse who can't find your vein, who makes too many jokes." " Who's really handsome." " When usually it's a nurse..." "I think." "I think he's really handsome." "Usually, it's a nurse from Jamaica who's just rude to you." " Exactly." " And is so desensitized" " to what you're about to go through." " Suffering." "I think he's handsome." "Now coming up is Dr. Ken Jeong who plays Dr. Kuni who..." "This is his first acting job, and he really captures the attitude of a doctor that is tired, who doesn't wanna be there and doesn't wanna hear any of your opinions about what he should do." "Yeah." "He's a real doctor." "That's why he got that." "Now you've had some children, haven't you, Al Pacino?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, I've had a couple of kids that I know of." "And were you there when the babies were born?" "I delivered them." " You did?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." " And you did a home delivery?" " I wish." "No, no, no, it was on the road." "Both times." "Oh, like in the car?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were in a car and..." " You pulled over?" "Going to Long Island one time, the other time, I was in the south of France." " Really?" " And just pulled over and kid popped out." "Great vacation." "Yeah." " That's something I hadn't heard before." " Yeah." " That's a cue from a Clint Eastwood movie." " It is." "It's funny, we were doing interviews for Knocked Up, and someone asked Jay if he only wanted to do comedies, if he ever wanted to do a dramatic movie." "He was like, "I'm in maybe the most dramatic movie ever."" "Well, you know, they had just done some other movies at Universal where they weren't as funny as they wanted them to be, and so the big note was, "Can you make the ending funnier?"" "And we realized we didn't have the friends" " at the hospital." " Yeah." "And that actually was a note that really changed." " That was a good note." " That was a good note." "Now this is something that I've experienced, which is the cord around the neck slowing down the heartbeat, which is really terrifying" " when it happens." " Yeah." "In fact, my intention in this whole birth scene was to really make it incredibly painful to watch for the audience." "I wanted people to feel the stress of it, and there was another scene here where you actually see him pop the bag" " and take the small stick..." " It was so long and disturbing to watch." "It was like real time, like you really felt like you were just watching a complicated birth." "And it was a little too much for people to handle." "And this is something that happened to us, where he had to stick his hand in and move the baby so that the cord could not have pressure on her." " And it was freaky." " That's pretty freaky." "And a lot of this is based on, you know, a variation on what happened, which was the doctor saying," ""You want me to go home?" "You be the doctor."" "In real life, I would have said," ""Give me that fucking stethoscope." "I'm gonna do this thing."" "And I would have done it." "This is what happened, and then I actually went in the hallway and I was trying to calm him down and I was really just trying to be mellow and like," ""Please, we're just trying to figure out what to do and we're scared."" "And he was so mad that we wanted to talk through the steps of what was gonna happen." "And then my stomach growled so loud that he looked at me like I was about to shit on the floor." "And I saw in his eyes that he realized that he was being too mean to me." "He almost made you poop yourself." "And then I saw him go, "I have to make an adjustment here."" "And from that point on, it went better, but he definitely did say," ""Do you wanna be the doctor?" "'Cause I can go home."" " And there it is." " There it is." "I love that moment." "And I always wonder how they made that sound." "What is that?" "They came to my house..." "It was late here, they didn't feed you for 35 minutes." "I had an In-N-Out burger." "And the noises with the hair." "I like how the doctor apologizes." "Yeah, the doctor apologizing, this is not how it went down." "No, this is where fantasy takes over." "This is the funhouse mirrors, as you described it." "The reality was a variation of trying to be cool, but not this." "But it's also the tension, as he's apologizing here, is funny." "In fact, Dr. Kuni, played by Ken Jeong, was so funny that I had to remove most of his jokes because it made you feel" " like it was all fake." " Yeah." "He had a funny run about, "Okay, let's get this done." ""You're Kobe," " "you're a cheerleader..."" " That was one of the funniest things." " "You're a Serbian scrub."" " Yeah." "He went off one time, I remember, we were all just dying, and at the end of this long rant where he yells at Seth, he goes," ""Because this is gonna be the greatest day of your life."" "He goes, "Here's what you should do." "You, don't be a bitch."" " Yeah." " "And you, don't be a dick!"" ""When you have the baby, a little piece of shit comes out."" "Yeah, sometimes..." " "Don't shit on my sneakers."" " Yeah, "Don't shit on my sneakers."" "Is that what he was doing?" "And then what he did right when he walked out, he throws his file down and he turns to Adam Scott, and he goes, "Pick that up!"" "Now this, I think, we figured out while we were in the hospital." "It was very late at night, I remember that." "This was our longest shooting day." "We knew we needed cutting pieces between the birth moments" " to lighten it up a little bit." " Yeah." "And they just had these wheelchairs on set and I remember we just were like," ""Let's put some fucking morons in the wheelchairs and see what happens."" "And Jonah did a very good Larry Flynt impression, as well." "He does a great Larry Flynt." "He does a good Stephen Hawking." "And I think Martin was trying to do Colonel Dan?" "No, he didn't." "Martin did something slightly more obscure." "He did Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump, and he did Tom Cruise from Born on the Fourth of July." ""Dead penis!" "Dead penis!"" "Which is from The Ben Stiller Show 'cause we did our "Tom Cruise:" "Dress Casual" sketch." "Yeah, that's right, I love that." " "Here's your war!"" " Yeah." "Now it always disturbs Leslie that they cheer so loud" " when you tell her to back the fuck off." " Did she take that personally?" "She took it a little personally in the sense of," ""Why are they cheering so loud" " "when someone curses me out?"" " Yeah." "But I said, "It's because you've empowered yourself..."" " Exactly." " "...and you're showing" ""that you care about the child."" "I think that's what it is." " They're so happy that you're being a man..." " Yeah." "...and you wanna get it done." "And I think it's also funny afterwards that she's kind of happy that you did it." " Yeah." " Which is so funny." " Yeah, I'm showing backbone." " "I think I like him."" ""I think I like him." "I'm fucksing nuts," as they say." "And Rudd is funny here." ""I wish I got that on tape."" "This is what the commentary's come to." "We're just repeating the jokes that people are watching." "Yeah." " We're out of gas." " We are really out of gas." "Let me just ask you a question." "What was it like shooting Heat with Michael Mann, Mr. Pacino?" " Well, Michael is a very..." " He's an innovator." " He's very innovative." "Thank you, Seth." " You're welcome, Al." " Have you seen any of Seth's other work?" " I really like Modern Romance." " That's Albert Brooks, Al." " Oh, sorry." "Sorry." "You see You, Me and Dupree?" " Nope." " No?" " Donnie Darko, did you see that?" " Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." " I don't get it." " I don't either, Al." "Now I like this here, when he says, like, "We're gonna do it the way" " "you wanted to do it." - "You wanted to do it."" " It's so passive-aggressive." " Yeah." " Now this is something that happened." " I like that shot." "A nurse asked my wife to not scream so loud 'cause she'd scare the other patients." "And she screamed so loud." "Leslie really lets it go like an actress." "Like she is..." "Any energy in her body is coming out in a scream." "I thought, "This is the definition of the phrase," " "'Screaming bloody murder."'" " Yes." "That's how Leslie describes to giving birth." "She says it's like being murdered." "She says it feels like being murdered." "I remember I asked her once." "'Cause every time she's gotten the medicine, the epidural, and it never works." " Yeah." " Yeah." "And she did scream, "I feel everything," which you feel bad when someone feels..." "You definitely know, in the theater, all the women I know who've had babies, 'cause they're all applauding during all this and that scene." "They think that's great." "Now we decided to show the baby coming out." "Now the funny thing is, I wanted to shoot a real baby coming out of a real vagina, and then match it to Katherine." "In fact, I even thought I would get Seth to be there and then pan from his face to a vagina." " That was the original dream." " Yeah." "I was gonna do it!" "Holy shit." "I didn't know that." "But instead, we have a prosthetic here." "So we did it one time and that's from one angle and then we said, "Okay, now the mirror shot."" "And then the third one is the Jay Baruchel point of view." " With the finger in." " With the finger in." "And that's a big reaction, 'cause we knew we needed to wake people up and we didn't want it to feel like an episode of Friends." "We wanted to show you that it's painful" " and it bonds them." " Yeah." "But I finally found a woman who would let us videotape her having the baby, film her, and then the State Labor Board of California said that I was not allowed to because the baby would need a worker's permit." " Yeah." " What?" "And I couldn't get a worker's permit until the baby was born." " Yeah, we needed a SAG baby." " While in the womb." "Well, you can't be SAG unless you get out of the body." "So unless I could do it and then push the baby back in..." " Ultimate catch-22." " Yeah." "Now what's amazing is that we do press for this movie." "I'm not saying people ask you stupid questions." "But I would like to say Katherine Heigl was asked many times if that was her vagina." "And then we said, "No, it was plastic." And they said," " "Was that a mold of her vagina?"" " Yeah." "So let's be clear now." "It was a mold of Bill Hader's vagina." "My vagina." "One lip is Bill's and one is mine." " That was the day I met you, Judd." " Yes." "We went to your house and you molded my vag." "That baby has, like, cream cheese and jelly all over." "It smelled like a blintz." "It was really good." " I wanted to lick its head." " A little baby blintz." "Come on, it's a little baby blintz." "It's all wrapped up like one." "And Ken Jeong, who is a doctor, still is terrified holding this tiny baby." "Oh, God, the shots." "We tried it with a rubber baby a few times, and, like, I remember we asked him to, kind of, wiggle it to make it look like it was alive, and it was, like, maybe the most disturbing image." ""Here's your dead octopus baby."" "It was just like there's no bones in it." "Its arms were all bent backwards." "It was almost horrific." "It was, like, the least happy ending to a movie." "It's hard, 'cause you gotta get a small baby, 'cause you don't want the baby to look like it's gonna to talk to you." "Luckily, I'm gigantic." "I make every baby look tiny." "Now, this is the end of the bets, some people say an anti-climatic end to the bet, but you just got to let someone off at some point because you're moved by the baby." "I actually like Leslie's performance here." "This is exactly what her sister, Kirsten, did when Maude was born." "She ran in crying, and I think she captures the energy of childbirth, and I like that she says that she loves Ben." "It's nice." "He's redeemed." " We're all a happy family." " I like Rudd right here." " Yeah, Rudd's..." " No way." ""It's a girl!" Now it used to be, when it was a boy..." " "It's got a dick!" - "It's got a dick!"" "I think it was worth keeping it a boy just for that joke." " But it's sweet." "It's sweet." " That's true." "We don't need one more dick joke in the movie." "I think we should make it an even million." "That's why I wanted to do it." "And, in fact, Jay Baruchel said, "Mazel Tov," so many times, I had to cut a few out." "You had to ADR them out." "I'm, like, "Don't remind everyone" ""there's so many Jews in the movie at the end, just when they forgot."" "People don't like that." "I remember one time I was talking to..." "I don't think I was actually having this conversation with an agent, but someone related the story that they were pitching a movie that involved Jews and their agent said to them, "No one wants to see Jews on film."" " Only on digital video." " Yes, exactly." "I think there's a blue balloon there 'cause it was a boy." "Now there's a lot of debate about what song..." "There's another song by Loudon Wainwright called Passion Play," " which I liked." " Yeah." "But this one, for some reason, it kind of makes me cry." "And it's a powerful song, this Daughter song, written by Peter Blegvad, who's an English performer." "And Loudon performed it with Joe Henry on a tribute album to Peter Blegvad." "And the second song is called Grey in LA, which a lot of the score is based on the melody of this song." "And then some people here comment that they don't like this shot because they're actually headed towards Malibu." " Yeah." " Yeah." "But I say they're going to Brentwood to pick up their shit" " and then go there." " Exactly." " So fuck you!" " We're going the long way round." "We're gonna go up to Mescal back through Brentwood." "I don't know if many people end a commentary with, "Fuck you!"" " Fuck you!" " This has been a pleasing experience..." "If you've made it till the end, go fuck yourself." " Get out there." " Get a fucking life, make some kids." "This is all shit." "Don't you question my logic, bitch!" "I got it figured out." "Just enjoy the movie, motherfucker!" "Shit." " That's Martin without his beard." " That's fucking Seth Rogen." "And then this cute baby." "Now, this baby didn't emote as much as the boy." "She was good though." "We did a version of this with the boy and the boy loved Seth." "Yeah." " The girl was quiet." " A little freaked out by me, as babies are." "But then the baby came to life in the last shot of the movie." "So it was worth it." " Ramis." " Ramis." " We love him." "We made a movie with Ramis." " Yeah." "Come on." "And Matt McKane is the club bartender, who was the kid who picked everyone last" " on Freaks and Geeks." " Yeah." " And this is..." " Look at this shot here." "That was fun." " And then we had this..." " Oh, my God, that was him." "I always had this idea..." "And I had this idea that we would show baby pictures." " That's me." " That's Seth." " That's you?" " Yeah." " And that is Katherine." " That's Katie Heigl." " And that is Maude with Leslie." " Wow." " And that is Paul Rudd." " That's Jack Rudd." " And that's Harold Ramis." " That's Harold Ramis." "Looks like Egon." "And Joanna Kerns." " And that's Ken Jeong." " Dr. Ken Jeong." "And me with Iris." "And that's Loudon Wainwright, I believe, with Rufus." "Wow." "Not only is he cooler than all of us, his baby pictures are cooler." "His baby pictures are way cooler." "Got some, like, forced perspective shit in it." "I think that's Shauna." "That's Shauna's dad." "Here's our first AD, Matt Rebenkoff." "And that's Brent White, our editor." "Those are some hot little white shorts he's got." "That's Evan and Evan's mom." "I thought that this would be too sentimental and I thought we probably wouldn't wind up using it, but people tend to like it." " Martin Starr, of course!" " Martin Starr." "Of course, that's Martin." "Are you kidding me?" " Jeff Sage." " Our production designer." " Jason Segel." " Oh, is that who that is?" "The small one." " Yes." " That's funny." "That's really funny." "And I think there's gonna be a baby boom after this movie." "Yeah." "The funny thing about the movie is that it makes such..." "The movie makes some people, like men, feel guilty about not being good to their wives, and it makes a lot of women wanna have babies." " And it seems to make..." " Gene Hackman." "Seems to make people wanna go see their kids, which I think is..." " I think that's a good feeling to have." " Yeah, nice thing." "Cindy Williams." "My wife turned to me at the end of the movie and just gave me that look, and I was, like, "Thanks, Judd."" "You just got so much time and money." ""Now I won't be able to see my friends, thanks."" "It's true." "Well, it was a good experience." "The one weird thing about this whole movie" " is that all of it was fun." " Yeah." "And that makes me feel so bad, like I'm gonna get hit by a truck on the way out of this studio." "Well, that's no joke." " I've an impending sense of doom." " I know." "Like on the plane ride over here, I thought, "I'd die today."" "No, no, don't even joke about that." "Was that today?" " It was yesterday." " Oh, good." "Do you ever feel that way?" "When things are good, it's just that it has to even out." "Yeah, definitely." "Definitely, definitely." "That's why every night, I punch myself in the balls." "But then I have to think about people that good things happen to, and things are fine." "Look at George Clooney, like, he's fine." "Look at Carell and be like, "Oh, nothing happened to him today."" "He's not worried about, you know." "Scorsese lived after Taxi Driver." "Exactly, and he was probably having a good time there." "That almost ruined everything right there at the end." "And before we end, we should give a shout out to The Wu-Tang Clan." "We really should." "The RZA, the GZA," " OI' Dirty Bastard." " My friend, Ghostface Killah." "Raekwon the chef, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Masta Killa." "This one's for you." "It's nice that we started a movie with Wu-Tang." "I think so." "Ashamed by Tommy Lee." "Performed by Tommy Lee." "That's right." "All right, well, thank you everyone." "I hope you learned something." "Do you think they did?" " I don't think they did." " Not at all." "I hope they learned that it's a little hard to do a DVD commentary." "And what do you have to say in closing, Mr. Pacino?" "Go out and rent Frankie and Johnny." "Hey, I got it right."