"We start school, teach Mandarin Chinese for our own kids." "It's English school during the week, but we only use this on Sunday." "The Chinese are very much on their education." "The Western parents give the kids a lot of freedom, and the Chinese feel that they are not ready, and we have a very heavy discipline to our children as well." "SPEAKS MANDARIN" "That's how we been brought up." "As a Chinese parent, you never think your child can't achieve." "You don't think that." "You think, "OK, they can achieve from the very beginning,"" "and then they will with hard work." "'The Chinese are doing better at GCSE than any other 'ethnic group in the UK." "'They achieve far more A stars.' That's perfect." "What's their secret?" "'And is there a price to pay?" "'We went back to the homes of some of the families from one London Chinese school 'to find out.'" "If you want to be the best, you have to pay a lot of effort." "Not everyone can be the best, surely?" "But we are Chinese, we have to be." "BELL RINGS" "Hello, nice to meet you again." "Nice to see you again." "Which ones shall we...?" "You're very tall, so whatever you like." "Do you mind Chinese knitted shoes?" "That's OK." "What's this?" "The living room." "The living room." "What do you normally do here?" "My work." "Which one is your table for work?" "Over there." "Yeah." "So, this is your..." "what you do every day." "What's that?" "This is your timetable..." "every day, yeah?" "Piano, Chinese writing, reading, English spelling." "How about weekends?" "How about Sunday?" "Can you read for Hannah?" "Church, maths, Chinese school lessons, garden, play, football." "Shower, TV cartoon, piano, contest results, dinner," "English spelling, maths test, bedtime." "That's a Sunday?" "Yes, Sunday." "Wow!" "How old are you, Matthew?" "Six." "That sounds like quite a lot." "He starts from five years old." "Before five, I let him play anything he wants, but from five," "I think we need to let him start him get some kind of routine." "Yeah." "This is his spelling, 10 words." "Impossible." "Investigate." "Instruction." "SPEAKS MANDARIN" "I can't!" "I can't concentrate with that ice cream van..." "When ice cream van coming, he's not concentrate, he said." "He wants to eat ice cream!" "Invitation." "Who's in charge of the household?" "Her, definitely." "He say I'm too tough, but children need to be..." "You need to be tough, and you are too soft." "If not, he won't listen to you." "Because I know sometimes he's tired, but I say," ""No, look, the timetable we haven't finished, you can't sleep."" "Important, all right." "Imagine, all right." "Impossible, all right." "Investigate." "Investigate, I-n-v-e-s-t-I-gate." "Invest-I-gate." "Two wrong - you need to write again next time." "But for him, he only do about..." "I think, daytime," "I'm talking about one hour, one and a half hours' homework, and when come back, do may be another one and a half hour." "So, in total, one day, only about three hours." "So, still plenty of time to play." "Because we think it's quite important, especially now, you know, life is getting tougher and tougher, and you need proper skills to survive in the world." "And also England, obviously..." "I mean," "England is sort of going downhill in terms of league tables and pretty much everything else, so we need to compete with other countries as well." "Nathan, how was school?" "It was good." "Do you have everything, do you have all your homework?" "Yeah." "What about the French...binder for the French oral?" "Yeah, I've brought that home." "And the maths test, right?" "Mm-hm." "OK." "Well, let's go home and... ..get cracking." "While Nathan's doing his piano or violin," "Natalie is doing her homework, and then they switch." "So do you fit anything else in after school work?" "Not really, there's no time." "There's only really four good hours, maybe five good hours for them to get everything done." "How do you squeeze it all in?" "It's really hard." "You know what you're doing, right?" "'Vivian's son Nathan is 10, and her daughter Natalie is 6.'" "E minor." "PLAYS SCALES" "Think about it." "Before you play, you have to think about what you're playing, OK?" "And how many sharps there are and where your fingers are supposed to be before you just jump into it." "Play it like it's one movement, not jerky like that." "'As well as homework, Vivian supervises 'three and a half hours' music practice each day.'" "Do it one more time before..." "We got to get it right." "PLAYS NOTES" "Do that one again." "PLAYS NOTES" "Again." "Again, do that one again." "No." "That's not right." "The thumb." "The first time I did it..." "I know, the first time, you were OK, but it wasn't fast enough." "Let's do it again." "Where do you stand on praise?" "I was having this conversation with another mother, and we were all talking about the Asian way of encouragement, taking out the really good parts and focusing on that - it's either good or it's not." "I'm from Taiwan - I'm made in Taiwan!" "Taiwan!" "Yes, I came England since 1998." "I work as a facility management consultant." "I'm from Newcastle, originally." "Geordie." "Geordie boy." "(Geordie man.)" "I look after this building." "You can't find it?" "I'm the caretaker of the block, and I do maintenance and gardening." "Handyman work." "Handyman work." "I'm going to do a quick job." "OK." "OK?" "Do a quick job." "So what are your different roles in the house, then?" "He does most of the cleaning, cooking, look after the children!" "Painting!" "No, don't do that, because then her clothes will be dirty." "Can you please put that one on properly?" "What's it like, a Chinese Taiwanese lady married to a Geordie?" "What are you each like?" "We're opposites." "Very opposite." "We are so different." "I think, to start with, Taiwanese is a bit like Chinese - we're very careful about money, we don't take holiday much, and then, for Michael, the culture..." "he doesn't care too much, he's just thinking how much he earns, he just wants to spend it." "He doesn't think about saving the money." "That's the first thing we noticed." "He likes to go out drinking, enjoy a few drinks with his friends, three or four times a week." "Three or four times a week?" "!" "What about Kate?" "She's very strict and bossy." "Bossy?" "!" "No, I have principles, let's put it that way." "You're a little bossy as well." "I'm not." "You're not a little bossy?" "I'm painting." "I think Chinese parents give more guidance and rules, that's definitely." "Parents got a little bit more ambitious, I think." "They go and think about what they would like their children to become and how they want to behave." "Western parents, I think they tend to be a little bit more relaxed, let them run wild." "Does he do play dates?" "Play dates?" "I don't know what that means." "Playing with other children?" "Yes, sometimes a friend come here, or he goes to his home." "But not too often - maybe only..." "Two times a year." "Yeah." "Tell me what that certificate is for." "It is for taking part in his school skipping, well, it's called skip-a-thon, in June 2010." "He skipped, apparently, how many times?" "Tell Hannah - one minute, how many times?" "128." "128 times?" "Wow!" "Just to say..." "Do you keep all his certificates, then?" "Yeah!" "I keep them in a box, so he says this is his treasure box." "So, when he's grown up, he can look back for what he done when he was little." "You know this spelling, one-week test?" "Normally, he gets 10 out of 10." "Yesterday, he got 9 out of 10." "I know it's not too bad, but if I told him, "Oh, already very good, not too bad,"" "he will be thinking it's all right, but if I told him," ""You have to be 10 out of 10," he will try harder next time." "We're both education person." "Of course, you know, I expect my son to go to university, maybe not need a Masters degree, but at least a Bachelor degree, doing well in his life." "Do you know what job you want to do, Matthew?" "Dentist." "Because I'm working for a dental place, and his godfather, my boss, is a dentist." "That's why he got this idea." "When he was little, I did ask him what you want to be, and he said, "I want to be a binman."" "Binman is very fun, because every day, when I go to work, he's standing in the window, looking outside, and binman is very fun, he thought it was very interesting, good job." "But one day, I told him binman is good, but you need to work very hard, and then no sleep, very tiring, quite low pay - what do you think?" "He said, "Hmm..." And after that, one day, I take to my boss's house." "He said, "Wow, your boss got big house, lots of nice car,"" "because he likes to collect little car, and he said," ""I've changed my mind - I want to earn more money,"" "so he says he wants to be a dentist." "And you know, dentists need to have a good study, Yeah?" "What are beginning to draw now?" "A peacock." "A peacock?" "Yeah." "Looks like she might be arty." "Will that be odd to you?" "Oh...!" "Well, artists don't make that much money, isn't it?" "Most of the time, they get famous after they are, you know, no longer exist." "Well, it doesn't matter." "What do you imagine for Juliette?" "As in a job?" "Yeah." "When she grows older?" "Lawyer, doctor." "No." "No." "Actually, one of the jobs I want her to do, and Michael says no," "I want her to be a dentist." "It's OK, you're still a doctor, you earn good money." "To be honest, I'm not really that bothered what she does." "You see, that's what's different." "I got a view on what she supposed to be, but regardless on what she becomes or not, it's up to her." "As long as she's happy." "That's OK." "And not too stressed." "And she has a happy life." "But, you see, that's the other thing..." "I don't think stress is wrong, as well." "I think in every single life, you need a bit of stress, a lot of pressure, then you can progress better." "Otherwise..." "I said to Michael, otherwise, we are still apes." "Yes, switch on." "About five to five." "What are you doing now?" "Watch Arsenal game." "Watch Arsenal - my favourite moment of our week." "Weekday, Matthew, number one." "Saturday, Sunday, Arsenal." "Now I am nervous!" "With my Arsenal blanket." "They're just about to start." "Arsenal never give up." "It's my passion, you know?" "They don't win." "I know they don't win, but what can you do?" "At least, you know..." "PLAYS PIANO" "Yes, I was born in Taiwan." "My parents moved to Canada because they thought that it would be a better life for us." "More opportunity, better education...in their minds." "It was five of us in a one-bedroom apartment." "They started off with a convenience store and then..." "They had a flower shop." "They had a flower shop." "They gave up a lot for us, and so, there's a bit of guilt that, you know, as children, we carry around with us and we want to do our best, so we feel that what they sacrificed was worthwhile for them." "I think the reason why, often, I push our children to do well at certain things is because, if they do well at it," "I feel they'll be confident." "It's the process of learning it, I think is really important." "It's a good discipline." "It teaches them that if they practise, if they work hard, they can really achieve something really beautiful and wonderful." "You sure?" "Yeah, that he's professional, you know?" "So, they asked us to call you - you are naughty." "No, he's professional, it's a one fixed price." "That's for your health - it's not for clothes or shoes." "Once you've seen doctor, you won't see him for many years." "Yeah." "You have to listen to us, it's 90 minutes." "One hour is £200." "Yeah, you are joking, you are coming, yeah?" "Don't let me down." "You're joking!" "TALKS MANDARIN" "So I introduce my boss, Mr Lee." "Hi, there." "Hello, Mr Lee, nice to meet you." "Hello." "So, you've had Sally working with you for ages?" "Yes, since '93, so 18 years ago." "Wow." "She started to work here, full-time, and, yeah, she's been very good." "What did you study, Sally?" "I studied in Canton." "It's one quite famous university - Jinan University." "Actually, my character is, I quite like talking, I like writing," "I want to be a writer, or TV reporter, like you." "I like to meet people, to chat, always talking to everyone, all the time." "Why didn't you do that?" "It's my parents' fault." "That's why, my parents said, in order to have a good job, you need to be an accountant." "Accountant - everywhere needs accountants." "So, it's not really my wish, and plus, my maths is horrible." "My parents said, "You have to be an accountant."" "I've studied for four years - waste!" "Why did you come to England?" "To study accountancy, because that's..." "Actually, I never... it's not something I..." "I never wanted to become an accountant." "I didn't know what to do, actually." "And my uncle recommended to me, "Why don't you go and study abroad?" ""Cos your maths is quite good, maybe suggest accountancy."" "My dad came to Mauritius from China when he was quite young, and he's had a shop." "It's like a corner shop, really." "My family are quite poor, you see, and couldn't afford to go to three years' university." "Accountancy is a good thing - you only needed one year." "So, you got forced to study accountancy?" "I know." "And I was an accountant for two years." "But every time, when I look at the numbers in the computer, I always feel a headache." "Do you know, last week, Hannah came to my house." "Matthew said, "I want to be a dentist," ""because I want to earn as much money as I can!"" "So he has changed his mind." "He was going to be an accountant." "Shall I give you this first?" "Your last week's work was very, very good Matthew." "Did you notice how well you did them last week?" "You see..." "Lots of mistakes last time!" "No, that's absolutely fine." "That's good, that's good." "Every day, it's better." "So, that's your maths, and that's your English." "My friend recommend to me, she said all her friends or children all joined this centre, and it improved their study well." "Because in state school, they don't have homework every single day, so it's good to give children some kind of work and routine." "My parents always brainwashed us, we have two study hard." "They are teachers in China, they are very strict." "I thought it was quite normal to obey parents and to do what whatever they asked me to do." "When I was six, my dad asked somebody to make a small violin for me, and then he even buy us a brand-new piano. 30 years ago, one piano maybe cost them over one year's wages," "but they say they don't mind, they just sacrificed everything for us." "This is..." "look, my timetable." "I didn't know..." "You want to see?" "I didn't notice that earlier. 5.15, and I need to read one hour English." "And then study, go to school, 7.20." "Dinner, 6 to 6.30, and study from 7 to 10 o'clock." "Hi, Sally." "Hello." "How was Matthew today?" "Well, he did pretty well, but I noticed he still seems to forget how to carry forward." "OK, thank you." "I shall see you..." "Next week, yeah." "Take care." "Bye!" "Goodbye!" "Thank you." "See you next week." "Matthew..." "You found it more difficult than last week?" "You need to practise more." "B is no good!" "Yeah, two Bs." "'Kate and Michael have brought their daughter Juliette over to visit her mother in Taiwan.'" "We are going to the temple..." "to the right." "When you come to the temple, you have to bring food, to pray, like a present to the gods." "There's a god of study, a god of books." "I was thinking, maybe I should do something like that for Juliette, because she hasn't got into school yet." "Pray for her to get into a good school and she can have good exam results." "Is that a burger?" "Ju-Ju?" "Ju-Ju?" "My mum, me." "It's not like me." "My mum's really good - when we started school... every day - check." "Checked my progress." "Give feedback." "Yeah, random checks." "Random exams at home." "Really?" "Yeah." "I remember." "I know that." "From what age?" "About five." "She made sure we all studied so all three of us got Masters degrees." "Did your parents expect anything like...?" "They expected you to go to school and come back from school." "That was just the way parents were." "Did your parents ever check your homework?" "No." "I probably didn't do my homework." "My mum disagreed." "When she go to school, she come back, I would check her homework, make sure everything's done." "I'd never let her go to school to say, "I haven't done my maths or English."" "I'm not going to do anything!" "You're not doing anything?" "Well, then you're going to naughty chair all night." "I'll be testing you, Juliette, I'll be testing you." "Just like Mummy got tested when she was little." "Can you show your room quickly?" "MY room?" "Oh, no!" "Your room from when you were little, yeah?" "No, no, no." "Nothing's changed." "No!" "Come and see." "Pictures of Kate?" "What was it you liked about Kate when you met her?" "Quite a lot, really." "What kind of stuff?" "Er..." "Asking us the wrong question now." "What?" "I just asked Michael what he liked about you when you met." "This was what she looked like." "No!" "Really?" "That's how I remember you." "Really?" "Were you allowed to have boyfriends when you were...?" "No." "Never let me have boyfriends." "Never ever." "Really?" "Yeah, never." "Because the parents want you to study and not get distracted with boy-, girlfriend business." "When was this taken?" "Just a few years ago." "THEY LAUGH No." "You don't look that strait-laced and studious there." "Were you a rebel?" "I'm the..." "I'm the difficult, different one in the family." "Really?" "Yeah." "Cos I'm more outgoing compared to..." "I'm not traditional, like very Chinese." "Parents expected girls to be very quiet and not allowed to talk a lot." "What's the matter?" "So will you expect that of Juliette, do you think?" "Are you going back to your roots, or will you let her be a rebel like you were?" "I think I'll let her do whatever she..." "She has to become who she is, so it doesn't matter." "She will be a good little girl." "She's fibbing a bit now." "You mean, she'll have a bit more say in it?" "Yeah." "I don't think she's going to let Juliette be a bit of a rebel." "What do you mean?" "!" "Would you?" "Yeah." "Probably." "Do your science." "OK, go downstairs, let's go." "BABY WHINES" "We're just doing last-minute science homework before we leave, rushing through it." "Vivian is taking Nathan to the Royal Festival Hall, to see a performance by the world-famous Chinese pianist, Lang Lang." "Lang Lang had a notoriously tough upbringing." "I think Lang Lang is such a wonderful role model, and I think he's great at inspiring young individuals, because he's not only about being a fantastic performer, he's about hard work, he's about having failed" "but continue and succeeded afterwards." "Why, what happened?" "He went to the Beijing Music Academy." "The teacher there "fired him", and told him he had no talent, so his dad shouted at him, "Your life is over," ""you might as well just kill yourself, because you've nothing to live for!"" "They both had to hang in there - and look at him now." "He's playful, he's..." "you know, a solid individual." "Is it a common thing for him to be out like this?" "No." "I never actually go out on..." "Not on weekdays." "As soon as we get home, it's music, it's homework, and...eating, bath... and then sleeping, right?" "Is that right?" "Mm-hm." "Which is the best bit of all those?" "Er, I'm not sure..." "Going to sleep!" "How do you feel when your head finally hits the pillow?" "Oh..." "I feel relaxed." "Do you wind down easily?" "Not really." "I don't usually fall asleep that fast." "But when I'm asleep, I don't usually wake up." "Woo-hoo!" "Come in." "Hi!" "How are you?" "He's a big fan!" "What are you playing now?" "I'm doing Grade 6 right now." "On the piano." "Really?" "Grade 6?" "And violin also?" "Yeah!" "Oh, my God." "So he has a very important question he wants to ask you." "It's a constant debate between us two." "How much do you practise a day?" "It depends how old you are." "When I was eight, I practised eight hours." "And now I'm getting older, I only practise two hours." "But today I did, like, four hours since I was playing." "How old are you?" "Ten." "So ten hours." "No, I'm only joking!" "I'm just trying to scare you." "That is scary." "Four hours." "Four hours?" "OK." "See?" "You practise two hours, not too bad." "One more - three is OK!" "Three!" "When it gets tough, when you're really working and you're practising and homework, do you ever doubt your approach and wonder is it worth it?" "I never doubt because it's hard work, because I think it's going to be hard work." "I doubt when I think my children are unhappy." "Like, if...if I'm pushing them and I say, "Do it again, do it again!"" "and they say, "I can't do it!" and they start crying, then I doubt." "I think, "OK, am I hurting them emotionally somehow?"" "That's when I doubt." "But then, I think they can do it." "And I think, they're going to be able to do it." "If they just work hard, if they just do it one more time." "And I can't let them stop until they do it, because then they'll learn to give up in the middle of things." "So I push them until they actually do it properly." "It doesn't have to be 100%, as long as, in their minds, they think they've done it." "Amazing guy." "He's very nice." "Gave you good advice." "Three hours!" "Yeah!" "I wouldn't have the time." "If I did that..." "Learning the piano is going to be really difficult." "Yeah." "I'd stay up until 11 o'clock at night if I did three hours." "True." "Maybe when you're 12, you could do three hours." "THEY LAUGH" "You're going to have to practise to be like him." "How would you find it if one of them found it hard to achieve?" "As a Chinese parent, you never think your child can't achieve." "You don't think that." "You think, "OK, they can achieve," from the very beginning, and then they will, with hard work." "And that's what's going to happen." "And if it doesn't happen, it's because they just weren't interested in that area, we find what they ARE interested in and they're interested in something else." "And they'll achieve it that." "And they do." "Now it is 4.35 in the morning." "We are in Luton airport, we are off to Montpellier." "Matthew is very happy, because yesterday he won a competition of skipping." "So two years in a row, you are number one." "And he bring the gold medal with him." "Really?" "He will show you." "Cool!" "Not more medals!" "Yes!" "He told me number one is the gold!" "The plan is to, once we've landed, we'll find out where things are." "And then we're going on an excursion in the afternoon, to visit a little village just to the north of Montpellier." "Straight after you've got up at three in the morning?" "In the afternoon, yeah." "We won't waste time, because we only have 5 and a half days." "Very old houses." "Matthew..." "Where we are, I don't know." "I don't know." "He is complaining of hot already." "You hitted me on my head." "When?" "Like this." "When?" "Just now." "Sorry." "OK." "I need to...move over." "Does somebody live there?" "No-one." "It's empty." "It's so hot." "It's not hot." "You say you want to go on holiday, now you complain." "Oh, dear." "He's bored, he says we are too slow." "It's not a competition." "Stop stopping, I said." "Bad temper." "Bad temper." "Look at this church, look." "Yeah." "Where are you, Matthew?" "When you go on holiday, he say...not need a timetable..." "It's a break from all his studies." "He wish every day is a holiday, he said." "Is it a break from his studies?" "Yeah." "Slightly." "But he needs to do homework every single day, still." "Sometimes I feel sorry for him." "Do you?" "Yeah." "It's true." "Once a week, I definitely lose temper with him." "Because sometimes he's tired." "He said, "I want to have a break today, I'm tired."" "I say, "No, you haven't done this, you haven't done this." "You have to sit down with me."" "He gets upset, sometimes even cries." "But I say, "You have to do it." But afterwards..." "How are you?" "Do you feel the same?" "He says I'm too cruel to him." "Me?" "Sometimes I think she pushes too hard." "Yeah, but you need to be hard." "Sometimes he ends up crying." "Even when he cries, I say, "No, you can't go upstairs."" "Something she gets angry and takes it out on me!" "I say, "What's the point?" Because I'm angry." "Because every day, he doesn't do anything, he just watches TV." "Of course." "I need to teach him everything." "That's why I try to go away." "I go and watch TV upstairs." "But I'm tired too, I'm working." "Of course I understand." "I wasn't brought up strictly at all." "I was the opposite." "My parents just let me do whatever." "And you turned out all right." "Yeah, I mean, when I did my..." "He's lucky." "How many children are lucky, that don't study and go to university?" "I don't believe that." "That's true." "His character, he's very quiet." "Because you were born many years ago, you are quiet." "But in this day, so many TV, so many games." "A lot more distractions now, of course." "They don't want to study, they want to play and watch TV." "You need to teach them a bit of discipline." "Not very strict, but you know what I mean." "You have to understand how to organise their time and be disciplined." "Without discipline, what can you achieve?" "Finished?" "Let me check." "This one is fine." "This one is fine." "Oh, this one is wrong." "This one is wrong." "No, this is wrong." "Be careful." "We don't want things wrong." "Wow!" "That's funny." "SQUEALS Be quiet!" "Oh, my God." "Oh, yeah." "Watch me, watch me!" "Matthew, watch me!" "He's a clever horse, look!" "Yeah!" "Did you have much fun when you were a child?" "No, because we were not allowed to go on any holidays." "They said holidays are a waste of time." "So he's lucky." "He's already been to many countries, many places." "I always envied the other children who had a lot of freedom." "When I was young, I was angry about that." "And that's why I ran away from all my family." "After university, I told myself, I'm not going home." "Even after I was a student, I still needed to write a diary every single day, and I needed to send it back to my parents." "When I was at university, I wrote two diaries - one for my mum, one for myself." "Have you got them there?" "Yeah, I've got them." "Did you have boyfriends?" "Yeah." "I had a lot of boyfriends!" "Where you allowed?" "No!" "When I was at home, not allowed, but after university, my mum didn't know." "Yeah." "When I was 18, I said I had my first boyfriend." "How was that?" "It was good." "Because I never had anyone before." "I was quite lonely." "Now I felt someone looked after me well, and kind to me." "I'm so happy." "To be honest, I didn't have a very happy childhood." "Every day was like prison for me, I think at the time." "Do you worry that Matthew doesn't get enough time playing?" "No." "I'm very relaxed about his time playing." "He gets a lot of time playing already." "That's why he doesn't like me too much, he likes his dad, because Dad doesn't ask him to do whatever." "I don't think he hates me." "I don't know." "Do you ever worry, though, that he might start to rebel against you?" "A little bit worried." "Because he's still quite a young age." "I was raised up by my grandparents from when I was born up to age two." "And that's when I came to the rice field." "I can't imagine I would live this kind of life, so I can understand why my parents got out of this kind of living style." "It's too hard." "Imagine some things in the weather, and also things happen." "They probably won't even harvest the rice twice a year." "So it means the whole family will starve." "It influenced my mum, because my mum told me I don't want to work as a farmer, to make sure we study hard." "So, obviously, when we were kids, we missed out a bit more of fun time." "But I don't feel regret, because, in a way, I gained more." "What's your favourite thing to be doing with Juliette when you come here?" "Probably swimming and... ..I just generally get more time to play with her." "Do you do a lot of playing with her?" "Yeah, all the time." "When you became a parent, did you know what to expect...?" "No, it was all a learning process." "Really?" "Yeah." "I think it is with every parent, isn't it?" "How have you found it?" "Better or worse than you expected?" "Definitely better than I expected." "I didn't want children for a long time." "But then..." "it just changes things, doesn't it?" "You see a different aspect of life." "What was it particularly that you've liked that you didn't expect?" "More emotional feelings." "Just love towards your child, I suppose." "You smile more." "It's just a good feeling." "When I came to England and met my husband, Michael, we talked about our childhood and realised he had loads of fun times, he had loads of riding a bike and didn't spend much time doing homework." "I want her to have a little bit more childhood than I had." "But I want her to be aware you can't just play." "You need to work hard and study hard." "It's reality." "Here, in Taiwan, we don't have a safety net." "Literally, you have to work hard, save money, and prepare for one day when you won't be able to work any more, and you don't know when." "You don't know what things will happen." "But in England, it's different." "That makes lots of difference." "I think that's why we have more drive, because we need to make sure, we need to make sure we still have a life." "You see, living in a western country, you see the other western parents and how they do things." "Especially when the dad's English, it's difficult." "It's difficult to balance between... but I'm pretty sure Michael agrees with me with certain elements." "To be a tiger mum, there's nothing wrong about it." "It's to prepare for the future." "Because no pain, no gain." "What do you think of doing all this work?" "Hard." "Is it?" "How do you feel when you're sitting here doing the work?" "Tired." "There's this times table thing." "And Chinese and the diary." "Diary?" "You do a diary?" "Yeah." "Can you tell me what you've written in it yesterday?" "Let's see what you've written." "What's in that one? "My mum doesn't have good enough manners." ""She always shouts at me, 'Do your homework!" "' "" "Who did the red pen on that page?" "My mum." "Cos I didn't know how to spell "manners"." "Today is Matthew's birthday." "The family have planned a special outing for the evening." "Hello, Matthew." "Are you ready to go?" "Are you excited?" "Have you opened your presents yet?" "No." "You haven't?" "Have you done your homework, Matthew, today?" "Yeah." "All done?" "Yes." "But they're not done." "Oh, they are all done." "All right." "What were you like as a child?" "I remember I lacked a lot of confidence." "I had a very low self-esteem, that's all I remember." "'I remember struggling at school, because I couldn't understand what the teacher was telling me.'" "Good, good." "I remember, one day, the teacher sort of asked me to come in front of the class and he made fun out of me." "That was really embarrassing." "I remember this day very well." "So I don't want him to go through these kind of things again." "So I try to help him as much as I can." "Yeah, very good." "Only one mistake, that's good." "Much better than before." "So he didn't skip a day for his birthday, with his homework?" "No, you have to do it every day, don't you?" "Sometimes, when you go on holiday, you do two or three in one day." "And then you can have the other day off." "I know you're not supposed to do that, but..." "Sometimes, when you go on holiday, you go out and you don't come back until late." "There's no time to do the homework." "There are the neighbours." "Yeah." "The two little girls." "Do you play with them?" "Sometimes." "Have you met them recently?" "Those two little girls." "Where?" "Over the fence?" "Yeah." "You talked to her today?" "Yeah." "No." "When was the last time?" "On the weekend." "Oh, weekend." "What, last weekend?" "Yeah." "Yeah, sometimes, he just talks to them." "Once, I went to their house." "You went to their house?" "Yeah." "Who took you there?" "Mummy said..." "My mum said..." "Mummy said." "When?" "When did you go to their house?" "I forgot." "You forgot." "Why, would he not normally do something like that?" "No." "I mean, I know he went into their garden once, but not in their house." "I went into their house." "Into their house as well?" "Oh, OK." "What have you done today?" "Chinese." "Chinese." "How many mistakes?" "Did Daddy already check your work?" "How many mistakes?" "One." "One!" "There should be no mistakes." "One?" "OK, have you opened your presents?" "No." "The big one is from your father." "Your best friend." "Toa." "Toa." "Yeah, your role model." "Both of them fighting for number one space in school." "A new Transformers." "Transformers." "I know that." "Do you see yourself in Matthew?" "Do I see myself in Matthew?" "Erm..." "In how he is?" "Mm..." "It's, erm..." "No, he's erm..." "He's..." "I'm..." "I was much shyer than him, you know." "Erm..." "I don't know, it's just the way things were." "Is it nice to see him not as shy as you were?" "Do you like that?" "Yeah, I think so, because these days, you need social skills, emotional intelligence, which I've read about, so it's quite important." "Otherwise, you struggle in life if you can't get on with all the people." "You do need that, and this is something I think my parents never sort of... er, taught me, really." "I mean, I'd don't blame them." "Things were what they were." "They didn't know anything apart from working hard to put food on the table." "For me, I was too much into my own world." "I didn't know the outside world at all." "I didn't know how to communicate with people outside." "I was a very quiet person." "I still am, in many ways, but I understand now how the world works." "So, yeah, I want him to have a broader horizon." "'It's quite important, I think." "'Hopefully, he will be much more confident than me.'" "Better not come here!" "Did you expect to meet someone as lively and extrovert as Sally is?" "No, not really, no." "I wasn't expecting anything, you know." "But, yeah, when I met her, I thought, "Yeah, she's a nice person."" "It's not her academic qualifications, more her social skills that sort of stand out, you know." "All those years of education." "Education, yeah." "I wouldn't say it's gone down the drain, but, actually, her skill is her talking, I suppose." "Yeah." "It's her social skills." "THEY SPEAK MANDARIN" "Does that make you wonder about the virtue of pushing kids academically?" "Yeah, I think so." "There's only so much you can push a child, isn't it?" "Let's go!" "Juliette!" "Juliette!" "So, what's the news?" "What's the news?" "Juliette!" "What news?" "You got big school." "I got big school!" "You're going to the school, aren't you?" "Yes!" "big school, big school." "Big school!" "Yes, that is good news." "We came back from Taiwan and we had the neighbours check the post." "Yeah, the whole month." "And the day after we get back, it was in the post." "How strange is that?" "We were quite worried." "Mummy, I'm nearly grown up." "I'm nearly four." "She's ready to learn, academically." "When you go to Taiwan and you see other kids of a certain age already can do maths, reading, that sort of stuff, which is not that much different to her age, it made me think, she's capable." "And plus, I think it's quite important that we start to let her to explore music lessons or tennis lessons." "I want her to do at least one musical instrument, one class a week, and Chinese, yeah?" "And one sport." "I want her to start in September." "I think it's a bit early, to be honest." "No!" "I learned piano when I was three." "I could read by three." "Already." "I think it's really slow for her, compared to what I used to do." "Hi, there." "This is Vivian, Nathan's mother." "I just wanted to schedule an appointment with the headmaster to discuss about schools for Nathan." "You know, he does well in school at the moment." "Two good schools for Nathan might be Westminster, Eton." "We went to see the schools, we loved it." "And they have just all the right things that Nathan would love." "So, for the test Nathan has," "I take all his notes and I actually create a practice test for him so he can do it, write it out over and over again." "This one was 14 pages." "He must be quite well prepared, academically." "I think he is." "But you can always do more, right?" "You can't be too sure." "I mean, everybody else is preparing for it." "There's the first page..." "It IS stressful." "I think we just work on that stress level." "One of the things is that someone might say, watching, they might say," ""Why not just let them be happy and you'll be happy cos you'll just be relaxing?"" "But will they be really happy, doing nothing?" "OK, let them watch TV, because they think they want to watch TV the whole day." "I mean, that's what happened with me one summer, and I was bored." "I kept thinking, "This is not happiness!"" "Basically, I don't really know what that means, when you say, "Why can't you just let them be happy?"" "If you give me a specific example..." "I suppose..." "Being romantic with some guy, like, you're a teenager and you're having..." "You're going on dates with some guy, initial romantic phase, honeymoon, that's what they say, the honeymoon phase of a relationship, well," "OK, you're happy all the time for that week or that month." "But then you've got to get down to reality." "There's lots of stuff to do, and everybody has to work, right?" "SHE SPEAKS MANDARIN" "..England flag, no?" "Boring." "When he's doing a lot of good things, maybe once a month, he can get one car." "But I tend not to spoil him too much." "They have to know, in your life, nothing is granted for free." "Tell Hannah, yesterday, who is number one in the class?" "Me." "Yeah?" "How many points you got?" "25. 25 points?" "Altogether." "Altogether?" "So, now, you are number one, yeah?" "Who wants to be number one - you or him?" "Who?" "Me, Mummy?" "You!" "Yeah?" "But how about you?" "You don't want number one?" "No." "I like second." "Oh, my God!" "Like Arsenal." "Do you understand why some people in England would think, wow, a Chinese upbringing is mad?" "Mmm, for me, I get used to..." "But I think, in these days, China's children are still the same." "Chinese people get used to it." "We get used to hard working, study hard." "For me, I think it is built in." "Once you get used to it, you don't feel it too hard." "In my parent's dictionary, you have to use 99% of your time to study, 1% time to enjoy your life and play less." "That's what they believe." "Do you?" "For me, maybe I would believe 80% study hard, 20% play." "How about 50% working, 50% enjoying?" "Mmm, I don't believe that." "If you want..." "We have to say, if you want to be number one, or you want to be the best, you have two pay a lot of effort." "You can't be lazy." "Not everyone can be the best, surely?" "But we are Chinese, we have to be." "Help me, help me." "At the Chinese Sunday School, it's time for the Dragon Boat Festival, a chance for all the families whose children attend Mandarin lessons to get together." "We are originally from Poland." "We arrived in the UK six years ago." "She eagerly attends all the classes, and we also do some private lessons as well, just to speed up the process." "It was first my wife's idea, knowing that Chinese has a large impact on the world, in all aspects, at the moment." "They convert to Chinese." "We are from India, originally." "So, for about six months now, he has been learning Chinese." "He's got a typing competition today at 12.30 and he's been practising hard for that." "So, he's been practising typing in what language?" "In Chinese and Mandarin." "Wow!" "Yeah." "We're both from the UK." "And looking at the way the global economy was going and thinking, actually, Chinese is a really good language to learn." "There's not many British people in the school." "No, not at all." "England and, to a certain extent, a lot of Western Europe have a belief that they have run the world economy for 200 odd years and therefore, they and the Americans will continue to do so." "There's an energy and a drive." "You see this from the Chinese style of parenting, and I think it sets them up very well for the future." "My husband works in banking." "People coming through, it is a very diverse group of people and not that many British people, is it, really?" "'In my days, China was still quite poor." "'In these 20 years, 'they will overtake America with being number one in the world.'" "Is it funny to think that once, people used to always think, go to the West, go to England and America." "I know, everyone go to the East now." "How does that make you feel?" "I think I'm very proud." "If I knew, I would change my British passport to a Chinese one." "It's quite relaxing, doing this." "Yeah, because he doesn't need to teach Matthew." "Monday to Friday, mainly maths." "I'm so upset." "Every day, come home, the first thing he is doing, he does his garden." "He sees garden first and then sees Matthew." "For me, first thing, I need to sit down with him, do his homework." "I don't have time to see the garden." "I'm different." "Steeve?" "Yeah?" "Who do you think is happier, you or Sally?" "Who do you think is...?" "Happier." "You or Sally?" "Happier?" "Um..." "I don't know." "I can't really answer." "You have a simple life." "After work, you just come to the garden." "For me..." "I just take pleasure..." "..I'm stressful. ..in small things, like doing this kind of thing or... ..or just being in the garden, breathing some fresh air." "Not Matthew - don't care." "No..." "Matthew is my priority." "So when Matthew is doing work, I'm happy." "When Matthew is not listening to me, don't do homework, I'm quite angry." "So, actually, my life is quite stressful." "Because for Steeve, he's quite simple, he's just doing his work - office - and comes home, relax." "You don't really care about Matthew doing well or not." "For me, I'm a very nervous mum." "I have to ask him every day..." "But the thing is, you're already doing it, so there's no point in me getting involved." "No, if you do it, I don't want to do it." "You're pleased that your wife worries about it so much or do you wish she worried about it less?" "Um..." "Yeah, maybe a little bit less." "I mean, what will happen will happen." "At the end of the day, I think it depends on Matthew's ability and what he wants to do." "There's only so much you can push him, I guess, you know." "I mean, in future, he might go in a completely different direction in life." "We don't know, do we?" "Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd" "E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk"