"Hey, everybody." "I have a surprise." "I had these shipped in from home." "It's a spread of Kansas City barbecue." "That food came all the way from America?" "Yeah, they ship it in dry ice." "Well, It got stuck in customs for a couple of hours, but I think it's going to be all right." "It's not as cold as I thought it would be." "Oh, God." "No." "No, no." "Please let the food be okay." "I need my ribs." "Oh!" "No!" "Okay." "Put the lid on." "They fly." "Worst fear!" "Worst fear!" "Worst fear!" "It's on my back!" "Kill it!" "Kill it!" "Okay." "Okay, okay." "I think it is dead." "It's on the move!" "Yeah." "We're finally doing it!" "Get him!" "Please let me go." "I'm sorry, sir." "I locked the door when the work day began." "Nine minutes ago." "My rickshaw got caught in this massive traffic jam." "I understand." "It must have been traumatic to be stuck behind all those people who were going to be on time for work." "Something bothering you?" "You're extra Rajivy this morning." "Well, if you put a gun to my head," "I would have to say this office is spinning out of control." "I'm not really seeing what you're seeing." "Because of your relaxed management style, the workers have become emboldened." "Their desks are littered with personal items." "Rajiv, I don't care if they want to personalize their desks." "Happy workers are good workers." "The people who built the pyramids weren't happy and that worked out quite well." "Rajiv, you have to stop using slave labor as your example of efficiency." "You cannot argue with the results." "I know how much you've been trying to get a ticket back home for the holidays, so I used my airline connections and I found you one for half price." "You are amazing." "Thank you so much!" "I've been dying to get home for the holidays." "Oh." "$2000?" "I don't have that kind of money." "Just pay me with your next paycheck." "My next paycheck?" "Um..." "How much do you make?" "Can of worms, don't you think?" "Talking about how much money we make?" "Oh, Tonya, I'm not threatened by how much money you make." "I mean, we have similar jobs." "We both make 40... 50?" "60?" "Let's not talk about salaries or how many people we've slept with." "Because both of those numbers will make you sad." "Let me just give you this ticket as my gift for you over the holidays." "No." "I can't let you do that." "It's too much." "But you'll be stuck here all alone over the holidays." "No." "I'll be all right." "Plus, I'll be counting the days till you come back." "And you know what I want you to do?" "What?" "I want you to start paying for some dinners." "Because my baby's making some mad cheddar." "Hopefully, my plane doesn't crash, so your last words to me won't be mad cheddar." "Hmm." "Hmm." "Todd?" "You coming to lunch?" "No, no, no." "I'm not really that hungry." "Oh?" "What are you watching?" "Well, back in Kansas City, my buddy, George Langworthy, has this tailgating party he throws at his house before the Chiefs' games." "My friends got me on video conference, but then they started doing beer bongs and forgot about me." "Am I missing something, or is this incredibly sad?" "No." "It's sad." "Chug, chug, chug, chug." "Oh, who's Chug?" "He sounds very popular." "It's a drinking thing." "Oh." "Oh, no!" "How embarrassing." "Her underwear is showing." "Actually, that's a thong and it's showing on purpose." "We call that a whale tail." "Let's do this!" "Todd, why are the men taking their clothes off?" "What kind of party is this?" "Oh, they're going to start painting themselves and they're going to spell out Chiefs." "I used to be the "C." It was the best letter, because it was closest to the aisle and you could make it out to pee." "Hey." "I thought we were on for lunch." "What's going on?" "Oh, sorry, man." "I was just watching my friend's tailgating party." "They're going to the Chiefs-Raiders game." "Oh, man." "That ought to be a hell of a game." "Yeah." "But there's no way we're going to see it here." "You know, that restaurant we went to downtown has satellite TV." "Sometimes, they show live sports." "Hey, maybe we could talk them into showing the Chiefs game." "It would be the perfect place to watch the game." "Word is the kitchen staff runs a cockfight in the basement." "Why is that perfect?" "Think about it." "Fresh chicken wings." "And they've really got a kick to them." "Not the spice." "I mean, the little legs still think they're fighting." "Disturbing." "They don't make that noise." "But they'll still kick." "Ah, my favorite customer." "One, please." "Well, that's a very pretty shirt." "You know, bridal saris are often that exact same color." "Oh, go ahead and make fun." "But I don't care." "It's a great day." "I got a place to show my Chiefs game tonight." "A guy made me a jersey." "I see." "It's all good." "Wait!" "You don't want to eat that!" "Why not?" "It's gol gappa." "You can't handle it." "Why?" "It's street food." "So?" "It's made on this street by that guy." "Attention, workers." "I have an announcement to make." "You all disgust me." "Let that sink in." "This is a place of business." "Your attire reflects your attitude." "You would never see someone in management dressed so unprofessionally." "What's up, guys?" " Hey!" "White people." "Sir?" "It sets a bad example for the workers to see a manager dressed in a shimmering night dress." "I'm wearing my lucky Chiefs jersey." "Hey, Todd." "I know why you like American football so much." "The cheerleaders." "With their white teeth, glowing skin, ample curves..." "I hate to tell you this, Manmeet, but their teeth are bleached, their tans are spray-on and a lot of their curves are silicone." "I think I speak for men everywhere when I say, "Who cares?"" "Sir?" "It's no coincidence that the moment you brought in that preposterous garment," "Manmeet launched into an erotic story." "Look at them." "This office clearly needs a dress code." "Rajiv, they look fine to work the phones." "But I really think we need to..." "Did you just growl at me?" "I think that was my stomach." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "I'm fine." "Must have been something I ate." "Sir, is something wrong?" "I've got to go." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Gupta!" "What, what, what?" "Stop that." "Why aren't you wearing shoes?" "Because I can't do this in shoes." "Good one." "This is an office." "You are an adult." "Tomorrow, you will wear adult shoes." "I don't think so." "No, Todd said for us to be as comfortable as possible." "Sir, I request an audience." "He can't talk." "He's really sick." "This is a matter of utmost importance." "What's the emergency?" "Gupta is wearing sandals." "That's not an emergency." "I told you." "No dress code." "But this is an office." "Not your town of Margaritaville." "Todd, you look..." "I can't think of a word that's not going to hurt your feelings." "You need to go home." "No, I'll be fine." "I've just got to keep it together, so I can make it to the game." "It's time." "Whoa!" "Well, either you're here to take my soul, or you're a Raiders fan, which would be worse." "Who's ready for beer, potato skins and barely-dead chicken wings?" "What's wrong?" "He ate four gol gappa." "Are you crazy?" "Why do you think I call them "Gol ga-poops"?" "I got poop nicknames for pretty much every Indian food." "Lamb Vindapoo, Shish Keplop, Chicken Tandookie..." "Oh, Charlie, please." "I'm just saying you made a rookie mistake." "My first year here, I ate food off the street." "I was sick all the time." "Check out my ID picture they took when I first got here." "Oh, you were huge!" "Yep." "I lost 80 pounds." "I had to have that surgery to get the extra skin removed." "Well, at least I got a wallet out of it." "Well, looks like somebody's not getting a Charlie belt for Christmas." "Oh!" "Aw, man." "You'd better go home." "You're going to be out of commission for a few days." "No way." "I am going to the game." "Dude, come on." "No." "Chiefs-Raiders on TV, man." "I'm not missing it." "Yeah." "Just a little dehydrated, you know." "Just..." "I'll be fine." "Actually, I think I'm getting a second wind." "I'm sure he appreciates the concern, but you should know, you're in the splash zone." "Yeah." "Sir, in your absence, shall I assume the duties of manager?" "Oh, God." "So, at 2:35, you are admitting that you are unfit for office and giving verbal permission to Rajiv Gidwani to assume all the duties of manager." "Whatever." "Note that the subject has confirmed in American slang." "Let's get you home." "No." "I'm going to the game." "Todd..." "I'm not missing this." "Attention, workers." "Todd is indisposed." "Until he returns or, heaven forbid, perishes," "I am assuming complete control." "You just happen to have those in your desk?" "Silence." "Unlike Todd, I'm not susceptible to your flirtations." "Rajiv, I am spoken for." "I am spoken for, as well." "So, you better get used to the idea that this is off limits." "Starting tomorrow, you will follow a strict dress code." "Your desks will be spotless." "And there will be no more personal items." "But Todd gave those to me." "He wouldn't want you to throw them away." "Todd has given me complete authority." "Listen for yourself." "Whatever." "And you." "Wipe that dumbstruck look off your face." "Tomorrow, come up with three new facial expressions, and I will choose the least offensive one." "Don't bring that one." "Not great, but that's the one to beat." "Happy now?" "Hey, we called earlier." "Can you put the football game on?" "Get a couple of beers?" "Okay." "It looks like it hasn't started yet." "Yes!" "We didn't miss anything." "Hey, what is this?" "Your cheerleaders are wearing jackets and long pants." "It's Kansas City in December." "They'd be freezing." "Well, that's what I was hoping to see." "Todd, when a nipple gets cold..." "I know, Manmeet." "...you will find that..." "I know." "Here we go." "Oh!" "Looks like a different kind of kickoff." "Hey, Todd, are you okay, man?" "Come on, man." "Todd?" "I'm sorry." "My friend is sick." "It's going to be a while." "I've been waiting 15 minutes." "Come on." "Hurry up in there." "You are monopolizing the toilet." "I suggest you use the ladies room." "Yeah!" "Good one." "That was kind of fun." "I feel so powerful dressed like this." "Does it make you feel better about being powerless in real life?" "It really does." "Good." "How are you holding up in there, man?" "I want to go home." "Do you have enough strength to open the door?" "No, I meant Kansas City." "I'm sick of missing stuff." "You know, parties with my friends and holidays with my family." "You're not in Kansas anymore, Todd." "Very clever, Manmeet." "Hey, what's clever?" "I was agreeing." "This is Mumbai, man." "You're on the other side of the world." "Yeah." "That's the problem." "Homesick." "He's homesick." "Oh." "Are you homesick, Todd?" "Shh!" "Gupta, sign for the package." "Can't someone else get it?" "These shoes are killing me." "I had to rent them from my 12-year-old cousin." "Everyone is on a call." "Just go." "Come on." "At least with these shoes, I'm two inches taller." "I think I'm finally getting respect." "Quiet, donkey." "Just a theory." "Leave me alone." "I have an executive decision to make." "Isn't that just the phone bill?" "Hardly." "Our current plan is expiring and I must sort through the options, so our service is not interrupted." "Why don't you just wait for Todd to figure it out?" "I am God now." "Wait, did I just say God?" "I meant Todd." "I am Todd now." "I make the decisions." "Now, go." "The Gold Plan has a more attractive rate up front, but I must commit to four years." "But the Platinum Plan has unlimited network to network call bundling." "What do I do?" "This is so much harder than criticizing Todd's decisions." "Goodbye, Rajiv." "I told you we could have left hours ago." "Much better." "Maybe for you." "Go." "Go." "The Gold Plan is cheapest." "But the Platinum Plan has the most features." "You are over-thinking this." "There must be a logical way to make an informed business decision." "Mmm." "This is an important moment in your life." "Yes, exactly." "Wait." "I see an apartment in East Dadar." "Third floor." "Romance novel by a man's bed." "Yes, excellent." "I live there." "I am almost finished with the book." "It's like they were meant to be together." "Don't tell me how it ends." "Anyway, tell me which plan I should select." "I see gold." "Thank you." "The Gold Plan." "Of course." "The Gold Plan." "No, wait." "It's orange." "There is no orange plan." "Orange flames." "Your apartment is in danger of burning to the ground." "A great fire is coming!" "Focus!" "I need to choose a call plan!" "I hear screaming!" "You are useless." "People will die!" "Ah, no, thank you." "I don't think I can handle that, yet." "Do you have any ginger ale?" "Saltines?" "Tums?" "You are the worst genie ever." "Are you prepared for the American-rules football contest?" "I told you. "Are you ready for some football?"" "It's six words, man." "What's going on?" "You missed your game, so we are recreating game day for you." "I schooled your crew on the finer points of tailgating." "I will be serving beer from my head." "Later?" "Okay." "Come, come." "I went online and I found a recipe for Kansas City ribs and I made them." "Are they baby back?" "They're actually vegetarian." "They're milk fat pressed around celery." "I tried one." "They're amazing." "Stay away." "I call them baby crap ribs." "Look." "There is salsa where the brain matter should be." "And best of all..." "Are you ready?" "We had the IT guys download the Chiefs game for us to watch." "All right, people." "Get ready to experience the roar of 70,000 rabid fans." "All right." "A little more volume." "This is a tradition I hope goes on for years." "There's no place I'd rather be and nobody I'd rather be with." "Looks like we're ready for kickoff." "Thanks, man." "McCluster is back to receive." "And here we go..." "Are there any football players who are Indian?" "I don't think so." "Man down." "Here comes the medical staff." "There are the Indians." "India!" "Welcome back, sir." "Whoa!" "Rajiv, what happened to you?" "You look worse than I did a couple of days ago." "Sir, I have been very busy in your absence." "Our phone plan is up for renewal, and after exhaustive analysis of our projected growth, risk liability and current revenue stream..." "Oh, yeah." "They got a hold of me yesterday on my cell." "I went with the Platinum Plan." "Yes." "If you flip to page 72, you can see I come to a similar conclusion." "I mocked up an Oscar envelope to make the reveal something special, but here we are." "Rajiv, this is really thorough." "Wait." "Why is there a whole chapter after your conclusion?" "It's the devil's advocate section." "Where I imagined how your Satan would argue against network to network bundling." "Wow." "I'm impressed." "I should be giving you more responsibilities." "You know what?" "We need a new copier." "Maybe you could decide which one we should get." "There must be hundreds of different copiers." "Aw." "You'll pick the right one." "So?" "I see them overcharging you on the toner." "Yes, that is how they get you." "I think you might want to consider..." "Oh, your 30 minutes is up." "Here, witch." "Now, should I get the extended warranty?" "Are you crazy?" "Never get the extended warranty."