"Six days to Disney World!" "We are going to Disney world in six days, people!" "It is six days away!" "Can you believe it?" "!" " [Sighs]" " Sue, really, you have to pace yourself." "[Breathes deeply]" "Frankie:" "I know it sounds like I'm raining on Sue's parade, but you got to understand this started the day she won the trip." "27 days to Disney World!" " 26 days to Disney..." " [Gasps]" " [Toilet flushes]" " Ooh, sorry, sorry." "25 days to Disney World!" "Hey, she didn't say anything today." "24 days 'till Disney World!" "Haa!" "You get the idea." "I'm gonna go work on my Disney binder." "Right now, it's 800 pages, but I think I should pare it down." "Oh, by the way, we need more computer paper and glitter." "[Sighs]" "Well, that's a heavy sigh of excitement." "Can you get the blue bag down for me?" "Why don't I just save you some time?" "I'll fill it with food, and we'll throw it on the side of the road." "I know, right?" "I mean, it's a free vacation." "It's good." "Yeah." "It's great." "And I know it'll be fun once we get there." "It's just that the getting there is such a thing." "Yeah, I feel like we're already here." "We've got to get there." "20 hours in the car with Axl?" " [Groans]" " I can see the whole trip." "I know what's coming." "Okay, somewhere along the way, the blue bag will disappear, then you'll throw your back out," "Sue will cry, Axl will snark," "Brick will lose something, we'll lose Brick, and then we'll all start fighting." " But it's good." " Yeah." "Hey, since we're traveling to Florida anyway, can we stop in North Carolina and see my girlfriend." "Wait, is this the girl you've been playing computer games with?" "'Cause... she's not your girlfriend." "She's not even a friend." "In fact, she may not even be a girl." "Oh, she is very much my girlfriend." "We're on level 7 of "The Mists of Khartoum."" "Last week, I gave her a conjuring wand, and she gave me two cloaking potions, so..." " [Clicks tongue]" " Yeah, it's pretty serious." "Okay, so, you want us to drive hundreds of miles out of our way so you can visit a girl you've never seen" " or actually spoken to." " Right." "So, what day should I tell her we'll be there?" "[Sighs]" "[Groans]" " [Sighs]" " What are you doing?" "Why are you sitting here?" "Relax." "I just want to talk." "I'm, uh, kind of wondering what it's like to try something and fail, which is why I'm coming to you, the... biggest failure I know." "Aww." "Wait." "Did you try at something?" "What?" "No." "Shut up." " You did!" " [Gasps]" "You tried at something." " [Gasps]" " Is it ventriloquism?" "Is it yoga?" "Is it trying to get a butterfly to land on your finger?" "!" "No!" "What are you ev..." "look, fine." "I tried at school, okay?" "Axl, that's amazing!" "Isn't it just so fun to try your hardest?" " So, what's the problem?" " [Sighs]" "The problem is I'm waiting for them to post the Grades." "You know, I've always been maybe a smart guy who didn't apply himself." "But if I apply myself and fail, I might just be dumb." "So then you'll try again." "You know what, Sue?" "Your advice sucks." "You failed at this conversation." "Well, I'm gonna keep trying!" "[Groans]" " [TV chatter]" " Mom is moving out!" "I knew it!" "I knew she didn't have the stomach to go the distance." "Frankie:" "You're not gonna believe this." "I'm packed." "I'm totally packed." "I even bought one of those mini travel toothpastes, which is already in my toiletry bag." "Old people brag about the weirdest things." "No, you know, last night, your dad and I were talking, and we realized that every time we take a trip, the same thing happens, right, Mike?" "Back, cry, forget, snark, fight." "And nobody likes that." "Do you like that?" " [Both]" " No." "No." "No." "No." "Nobody does." "And then it hit me." "It doesn't have to be that way." "We won a free trip to Disney World." "We won new luggage." "We're winners, and we have to start thinking like winners." "I'm all for it, but you're fighting History here." "Well, if we start to feel crabby..." "Mike..." "Or start to get negative..." "Axl..." "We'll have a safe word that will remind us that we're winners and bring us back to our winning attitude." "How about "Sue's a freak"?" " That's a phrase, not a word." " Sue:" "Oh!" "How about "Orlando"?" "Orlando." "Orland-o-o-o." "Orlando." "Orlando." "It works." "I'd like to revisit the whole not-visiting-my-girlfriend decision." " Uh-huh." " I don't think you're quite getting what this means to me..." "emotionally, socially, in my development as a man." "I mean, this is my first real relationship." "Tanya and I have chatted every night for the last two months." "Plus, I've kind of already promised her we're coming." "So, what are you thinking?" "That I should know that my son's been online with a girl every night." "Do they sell alcohol at Disney World?" "So many things." "The answer was still no." "Unfortunately, Brick's mind was less scattered than mine, and he remained focused on just one thing." "I wouldn't ask if we weren't already going in that general direction." "It's just that Tanya really understands me." "What if we eventually get married and have grandkids?" "And years later, you'll say," ""thank God we went to North Carolina." "Otherwise, we wouldn't have these adorable grandkids."" "[Water running]" "I hear they have good jams in North Carolina." "Plus, they're famous for their pecans, and they're the third largest producer of sweet potatoes." "You love sweet potatoes." "Look, Brick, I do love sweet potatoes, but I'm not the one you got to convince." " So, Mike..." " [Sighs]" "I wanted to talk to you about something." "I know this is gonna sound a little crazy..." " Well, a lot crazy, super-duper crazy..." " [Sighs]" "But maybe we should think about going to North Carolina." " [Chuckles]" " You're kidding." "Frankie..." "You were the one who's been talking about how this is gonna be a winning trip." "And now you're throwing that into the mix?" "That's not Orlando thinking." "Okay, look, Brick and this girl have a connection." "Brick has a connection with another human being." "I mean, I saw a picture." "She looks cute." "Seriously?" "North Carolina?" "W-why can't he find someone here in Orson?" "He's known here, Mike." "You're lucky we're not having to go off to Europe." "I mean, look, they have been talking for two months." "You know he said something weird." "And they're still together." "That has to mean something." "Yeah, that she's even weirder than he is." "Yeah, well, so what if she is?" "This is someone Brick likes and has liked for a significant amount of time." "That's huge for Brick." "I mean, it all sounds very Orlando to me." "So, we're just gonna show up at some girl's house in North Carolina." "That is the craziest thing you've ever said." " [Sighs]" " Okay..." "look at it this way." "What if, by some miracle, she turns out to be the right person for him, the love of his life, and they end up getting married and giving us adorable grandkids." "Yeah, he tried that on me, too." "What else you got?" "Hey." "What's wrong?" " Grades are up." " [Inhales sharply]" "Ohh, no, I can't look." "You look for me." "[Breathes deeply]" "[Grunts]" "Uh... you got a "B"." "I got to be what, Sue?" " No, in English, you got a "B"." " What?" " I got a "B"?" " Mm-hmm." "You're kidding." "Uh, what about psychology?" " Oh, a "B"!" " [Gasps]" "And History?" " Another "B"." " World religions?" "!" "[Grunts]" " A B-minus." " [Gasps]" " Which still counts as a "B"." " Mm." "I got all B's." "You can't get any better than that!" "Whoo!" "I got all B's!" " What?" " Yeah!" "[Claps]" "I got all B's in college." "I got all B's." "I'm a straight-up "B" student!" " Oh, my God!" "Axl, we're so proud of you!" " Way to go, Axl!" "Wow." "Yeah." "You know what this means?" "In your face!" "What?" "What are you talking about?" "The deal." "Don't you have a test tomorrow?" "I got it under control." "Relax." "Okay, fine, we'll leave you alone." "But if you don't get at least B's this semester, you're moving home." "Fine, but if I do get all B's, you can't talk to me all summer." " Fine." " Yeah, you got it." "Bam!" "Have a great summer." "I'll hear you in September." "Come on, Axl." "The point is you did a great job," " and we're proud of..." " I'm sorry." "Why are you talking to me?" "You're not allowed to talk to me." "[Sighs]" "We're not going the whole summer without..." "Ba-ba-ba-buh-buh." "Save it for September 1st." "I'll "B" in my room B'ing awesome." ""B" -bye." "[Both sigh]" "Ooh, Brick, come here." "I have a really big surprise for you." "What is it?" "Well, your dad and I talked it over..." "Not because you were bugging me..." "And we have decided that we are gonna stop and visit your girlfriend in North Carolina." "Wow, that's great!" "Thanks!" "Whoop!" "Whoop." "Whoop!" "Whoop." "Whoop!" "Whoop." " [Sighs]" " Whoop!" "Yeah, we're never having grandkids." "So, finally, we were on our way to Disney World." "And no one was more excited than Sue." "To be fair, no one was ever more excited than Sue about anything... ever." "I made 14 different playlists for the drive." " ["Disney's electrical parade" plays]" " This one is the Disney main street electrical parade soundtrack." " Isn't it amazing?" " [Laughs]" "Let's play the license-plate game!" " [Gasps]" " Oh, Indiana!" "One point for me." "1,114 miles to Disney World!" "Coming up on 1,113 miles to Disney World!" "[Gasps]" "Okay, Sue, why don't we try that every 50 miles?" "And, Axl, make sure you get some rest 'cause you're coming up in the driving rotation." "Axl?" "Axl?" "I feel like someone's talking to me, but that's not possible..." "'Cause you're not allowed to talk to me." "We're allowed to talk to you, right, Axl?" "I'm not encouraging it, but, yes." "Axl, there's some basic things we have to talk to you about." " [Coughs]" " Sue, tell Axl there's some basic things we have to talk to him about." "Look, I-it's just the beginning of the summer, and you're already failing." "We're gonna have to institute some kind of Penalty System so you'll learn." " [Inhales deeply]" " I got it." "You owe me $50 every time you talk to me." " We're not doing that." " That's $50 right there." " Axl, we're not paying you $50..." " That's $100." " Oh, you heard that." " That's $150." " You want to go for $200?" " How dumb do you think..." "Mike, stop talking!" " So, where am I on the driving rotation?" " [Sighs]" "Um... y-you're like the alternate in case we need you to drive." " But we won't." " But why?" "You're still kind of young." "Axl drove us to Hershey Park when he was my age." "Besides, I'm the one who won us the trip." "And you're saying you don't trust me enough to drive?" "You trusted me enough to leave my hand on that car for 24 hours." "I peed a little bit in my pants." "I deserve to drive." "All right, fine, you can take my shift." " [Sighs]" " Oh, no, no, no, no!" "Before I'm riding in any car that Sue's driving, we need to be very clear on the status of the death napkin." "Whoa!" "Why is it every time we get in the car we end up talking about mom and dad's will?" "It's written on a napkin, Axl." "It'll never hold up in court." "W... so how does that work?" "Uh, say Sue's driving, and mom and dad are the only ones that get wiped out?" "Okay, shh!" "Look, really, the death napkin doesn't matter anymore." "Axl's 19." "If anything happens to us, he'll take care of all of you." "I'm gonna be doing things very differently." "First thing... you're both getting jobs right away." "Sue's gonna have to learn how to cook, and you guys are gonna have to start picking up around the house." "Brick, tell your brother he's an idiot." "I don't want to say that to him." "If he's gonna be in charge of me, I got to stay on his good side." "You're my favorite, Brick." "I might even let you sleep inside." " Brick:" "Ah." " Why is he your favorite?" "So I'm neither of my dads' favorites?" "Fine." "I am gonna go live with Aunt Janet." "But, wait, I am not talking about this because no one is going to crash and nobody is going to die." "You're right, Sue." "We're not all gonna die." "Some of us might just be burnt beyond recognition." "If some of us are burned beyond recognition, can we still go to Disney World?" "I mean, after we pay our respects to the less fortunate." "Why did you look at me, Brick?" "You're the one who drove us into oncoming traffic." "You killed us all, Sue." "Good job." " Axl." " Hey!" "Stop talking to me!" " Yeah, we're not doing that anymore." " Fine." "If you're not willing to give me the reward that's rightfully mine," "I will just have to come up with something of equal or greater value." "Okay, from now on, I will listen to you provided you address me as "Sir Axl, Duke of awesomeness."" "Seriously?" "That's what you want?" "I can't hear you." "That's what you want, Sir Axl, Duke of awesomeness?" " It is-ith." " You're really gonna call him that?" "Why does he always get what he wants?" "I can't drive, but we all have to call him" "Sir Axl, Duke of awesomeness?" "Well, I am not gonna do that." "Well, fine, then I'm not talking to you for the rest of the trip." "Sir Axl, Duke of awesomeness, stop being mean to your sister!" "I don't want Axl to be my dad." "Well, if Sue gets behind the wheel, I will be!" "[Imitates tires screeching, explosion]" " Stop it." "Stop it!" " Okay, let's..." " She'll kill us all!" " Stop it, Axl!" "That is so mean!" "Let's cut the talk about the fiery crash, okay?" " We're going to Disney World!" " Orlando!" "Come on, now!" "We're all falling back into our old bad habits." "That's not gonna happen on this trip." "That's negative thinking." "We got to be positive, like winners." "Sue is gonna drive, and everything is gonna be just fine." "[Horn blares]" "You can give it a little more gas, Sue." " [Tires squeal] - [Grunts]" "Maybe we can have Sue pull over, and we can get something to eat." "[All together]:" "Yeah!" "So hungry!" "Let's stop immediately." "Mm-hmm." "Uh, okay, I'd like, uh, two number 2s and two number 3s, uh, one with cheese and..." "Axl:" "Uh, I want the cheese fries." " Brick:" "No cheese for me." " Just remember that." "Three number 3s." " I'll order..." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." " Tell her I want the cheese fries!" " Jumbo size it!" " Let her order." "One number 2" " and three number 3s..." " Well, don't change it now." " And one number 4." " I want the cheeseburger." "[All talking]" " One... oh, no, no, no, no." " Brick:" "Maybe do a price check." " It was supposed to be 3 and 2." " 3..." "I-I can't..." "I can't have all of you yelling at me all at once!" " Okay, mom." "I see how that's annoying." " Here." "Just give us five number 3s with cheese." "Or, if it's easier for you, five unhappy meals." "Go." "[Engine turns over]" "I'm not so good at tight spaces." "[Tires screech]" "Frankie:" "A-Axl, look out your window." "Tell her how much space she has." "[Metal scrapes]" " Aah!" " Not much." " Damn it, Sue!" " I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry!" "I have spudsy money!" "I will..." "I will pay you back." " Just back up and go around the post." " [Whines]" " [Metal scrapes]" " Around the post, Sue!" " Well, I am." " No, don't just drag it!" "Go around the post!" " Aah!" " [Crunch]" " Oh, no, no!" "Stop the thing!" " [Tires squeal]" " [Groans]" " Back up!" " [All shouting] - [Scraping continues]" "Aah!" "[Whimpers]" "Damn it, Sue!" "Stop!" "Get out of the car." "[Groans]" " [Door handle rattles] - [Groans]" "It's stuck." "Is it bad?" "Only if you want to get in and out of the car." "[Grunts]" "All right, that's it." "You're out of the rotation." "You're never driving again." "Hey." "Look." "They gave us extra fries." " Orlando." " [Chuckles]" "So, four hours and two states out of our way, we made the quick stop somewhere outside of Greenville, North Carolina, to have Brick meet his girlfriend." "People do things for their kids, okay?" " All right, we're here." " [Crickets chirping]" "This is it?" "Really?" "I would have thought Disney World would be a little fancier." " [Engine shuts off]" " Frankie:" "No." "This is your girlfriend's house." "We're here." " [Dog barks]" " Oh." "Did I not mention that we broke up last night?" " You're kidding." " Brick!" "What?" "!" "When mom and dad are dead, you are so grounded." " [Sighs]" " No." "You did not, Brick." "You did not... mention that." "You don't understand... she went through the Jelly Gates and into the Golden Castle of Akbar without me." "I mean, how can I have a relationship with someone who would do something like that?" "Do her parents even know you broke up?" "Hmm." "Good question." "Well, we're going in there, and you are gonna do the right thing." "You're gonna look her in the eye and apologize to her face to face." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "He met this girl on the Internet?" "This is getting creepy." " No, I talked to the mom." " No, Axl's right." "This could be a complete catfish situation." "How do you know the mom isn't the little girl?" "Look, a grandpa could be the little girl." "Well, I'm not going in there." "I don't want to wake up without a kidney." "I can just see the headline." ""'B' student slain in hillbilly massacre." "'He was awesome, ' said friends."" "You're all being ridiculous." "We're going in there, right, Mike?" "Uh..." "[TV chatter]" " [Sighs]" " Hello?" "Sandy:" "You made it." "Whew." "Well, I'm glad you found us." "Yeah, I didn't know if you were still expecting us." "Of course." "Come on in." " Come in." " [Laughs]" "So, hi." "Uh, I'm Frankie." "Nice to meet you." "This is Mike and Sue and..." "[Clears throat]" "Sir Axl, Duke of awesomeness." " How's it going?" " [Clicks tongue]" " And this, of course, is Brick." " Hi." "This is my husband, Phil... oh." "And our daughter, Tanya." " Hi." " Hi." "Well, I'm sure you two have plenty to talk about." "Tanya, why don't you go show Brick your dirt pile?" "Don't dig too deep, Brick." "God knows what could be under there." "Oh, have a seat." "Come on, get up." "Have a seat." " [TV turns off]" " Uh, dinner won't be ready for another..." "Ooh, 37 minutes, but y'all want some peanut-butter crackers?" "Oh, hey, thanks." "Yum." "[Dog barking]" "Mexico, get out of here!" "[Mexico growls]" "[Chuckles]" "[Chuckles]" "So, we're on our way to Disney World." "I think I mentioned that on the phone." "We won it." "We don't normally take trips like that." "We had a Disney jar, not that there was ever any money in it." "Our washing machine doesn't work very well." "[Laughs nervously]" "Anyway... so, this is kind of awkward, right?" "I don't know if you know." "Maybe you do." "But the kids broke up last night." "W-what do you mean?" "Tanya broke up with your son?" "Uh, well, no." "Uh, not exactly." "Brick..." "broke up with her." "There was a, uh..." "Jelly-Gate situation." "So, your son dumped our daughter?" "Why'd y'all come here for then?" "We were already here, and... it was the... right thing to... do." "Oh, so, you drove eight hours out of your way just to rub it in our faces." "[Laughing]" "I'm sorry." "Y'all got to be up to something." "No sane person drives hundreds of miles out of the way to meet a 12-year-old girl." " She's got a point." " All right, just hold on." " We were..." " I know what this is." "Y'all show up out of nowhere." "He don't even look like his picture." "Y'all are catfishing us." "A-and I only went through the Jelly Gates 'cause you were out of Golden Coins." "But... but by the time I got back, y-you were gone." " Really?" "I had no idea." " Sandy:" "Get on out of here!" "Phil:" "Get out!" "Yeah, that's right!" "Get off our property!" "You think you can come here and catfish us, you and your... your weird kid!" "We're not catfishing anybody." "And we're not weird." "We are decent people just trying to do the right thing!" "If anybody's catfishing, you're catfishing." "We are not catfish people." "We're Orlando people." "Mike, let's go." "I got to get in this side." "What?" "No, I already slammed it." "But, Frankie, this is the only way in." "Remember?" "Yeah." "I said we weren't weird." "Now it's getting weird." "Just storm off." "I'll pick you up on the corner." "It's weirder you driving and me walking!" "All right, all right!" "I'm just letting him in." "We're still storming off." "Brick, let's go." "Brick, wait." "I-I'm glad you came." "Frankie:" "Wow." "Brick's first kiss." "That was way easier than I thought." "Well, looks like I'm the only one who's kissed a girl on this trip." "Who's the Duke of awesomeness now?" "Yep, if you change your frame of mind, everything falls into place." "Axl got all B's," "Brick got his first kiss, and Sue..." "Well..." "Wait." "What are you doing?" " Brick:" "What's going on?" " Sue:" "Why are we stopping?" "Get up here, Sue." "Bring it home." "I don't know, dad." "I'll probably just drive us all into the sign." "Hey, you got this." "[All together]:" "Orlando!" "Orlando!" "Orlando!" "Orlando!" "[Cheering]" "Oh, my God." "No days 'till Disney World!" "[Gasps]" "[Bell dinging]" " Welcome to Disney World." " Thank you." " [Chuckles]" " Wait." "Oh, no." "I'm sorry." "These tickets are for Disneyland in California." "You do realize you're in Orlando." "Orlando." "[Chuckles]"