"Good morning, Dr. Lamar." "MAURICE:" "Good morning, Pierre." " Good morning, Doctor." " Good morning, Doctor." "MAURICE:" "Good morning." " Good morning, Doctor." " Good morning, Doctor." "MAURICE:" "Good morning." " Good morning, Doctor." " Good morning, Doctor." "MAURICE:" "Good morning." " Good morning, Doctor." " Good morning, Doctor." "MAURICE:" "Good morning, Greta." "(CLACKING)" "Good morning, Doctor." "Good morning, Annie." "(CONSUELO CLEARING THROAT)" "Dr. Lamar?" "Yes, I am Dr. Lamar." "I'm Consuelo Claghorne." "Mother sent me to see you about an operation." "Oh, yes." "Take your clothes off, please." " Oh, must I?" " Yes, please." "Here are some telegrams." "What kind of operation do you want?" "Oh, I don't want an operation." "It's for Mother." "She'd like her hips cut down before she sails." "Oh, I see." "Then why did you..." "I thought you were interested in how I looked without it, but you're not." "How do you know I'm not?" "Suppose we take that up at luncheon?" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Suppose we do." "1:00?" "Here?" "(CLEARING THROAT)" "Make a note." "Luncheon at 1:00." "(INTERCOM BUZZING)" "WOMAN:" "Dr. Lamar goes on the air in 10 minutes." "MAURICE:" "I'm starting right away." "We're starting right away." "INSTRUCTOR:" "One, two." "One, two." "One, two." "One, two." " Good morning, Doctor." " MAURICE:" "Good morning." "One, two." "One, two." " ALL:" "Good morning, Doctor." " Good morning, girls." " Good morning, Doctor." " Good morning." " Good morning, Doctor." " Good morning." " Good morning, Doctor." " Good morning." " Good morning, Doctor." " Good morning." "Thank you, Annie." "And now, dear distant worshippers of the Temple of Beauty," "I present your high priest, Dr. Maurice Lamar." "Ladies, my dear disciples, once more it is my privilege to speak to you on that subject so dear to every woman's heart, beauty." "Yesterday I covered the abdomen." "Today I shall take up the throat, the connecting link between a lovely head and a lovely body." "MAURICE ON RADIO:" "How can you obtain true throat appeal?" "By the use of my Creme Supreme, which I trust all of you now have beside you." "First, take a generous quantity of Creme Supreme on the fingertips and work it into the throat tissues with a gentle rotary movement, alternating with rhythmic patting bythebackofthefingers." "Do you fear the scorching rays of the midday sun?" "You need not." "Creme Supreme will protect you from it on the hottest summer day." "No longer need any woman suffer from sunburn." "Creme Supreme will give you that pink and white complexion, which is lovely woman's birthright." "Should your beauty needs be greater than can be met by these broadcasts," "I would suggest a personal diagnosis." "Every day hundreds of beauty seekers from all over the world are coming to me here in Paris for an answer to their problems." "He must be a great man, that Dr. Lamar." "He could've been." "He was the brightest student in our class in medical school." "Now he advertises face cream." "MAURICE ON RADIO:" "Have you a glowing, gleaming body?" "So, he's a friend of yours, is he?" "We were great pals in college, but then we sort of drifted apart." "Well, you'd better drift together again and see if he won't lend you some money, or out you go at the end of the week." "(CLANKING)" "Doctor, what is that terrible noise?" "Please have it stopped." "I'll see to it at once." "(CLANKING CONTINUES)" "Do you..." "Do you have to make all that noise?" "No." " No, I can stop now." " Good." "Now that you're here." "I've been trying to see you." "See me?" "Yes, about my wife." "I want you to let her alone." "But I don't know your wife." "You don't know Eve Caron?" "Eve Caron!" "How can you be her husband?" "That's what I often wonder myself, ever since she started being your patient." "Eve Caron's husband is a motorbus manufacturer, not a plumber." "This is the only way that I could get in to see you." "That feminine individual, that large girl in your outer office, kept stopping me." "Mmm." "Greta?" "Well, the one with the extra-long wheel base and the streamlined superstructure." "Oh, yes, that's Greta." "Pardon me." "And you're Madame Caron's husband, huh?" "I am, yes." "On those rare occasions when you're not messing around with her." "Messing around?" "I'll have you understand that my..." "My contact with your wife is purely professional." " That's what I resent." " What do you mean?" "What right have you to make my wife over?" "You've enlarged her here and reduced her there and you've even done something to her knees, and I liked them as they were." "I married those knees for better or for worse." "Madam Caron merely asked me to add a couple of dimples." "And I contend, and every right-thinking husband will back me up, that dimples give a distinctly gaga expression to the kneecap." "Quite unsuited to my wife." "Listen, when you make motorbuses for the public, you improve their lines, don't you?" "Have you..." "What right have you to classify my wife as a public conveyance, huh?" "Where is she?" "Now, you've got her around here somewhere." "You can't go in there." "Oh." "Why not?" "She might not be dressed." " I'll see." " Well, you tell her that..." "Oh, you'll see, but I can't." "Doctor, the Countess says that she must see you." "Rita?" "Oh, no, she mustn't." "Get rid of her." "She won't go." "Oh, all right, I'll see her." "And show this gentleman out." "Doctor, put my wife back the way she was when I married her or I'll take steps." "I don't know in what direction, but I'll take steps." "(SCREAMING)" "Perhaps I'd better precede you." "I am the Mirwalk of Sogron." "I want all my wives done over." "GRETA:" "Yes, yes, of course!" "Just wait here a minute, please." "MIRWALK:" "Thank you." "So, you finally decided to see me." "Rita, please." "Send her out." "Annie, stay right there." "(STAMMERING) Rita, I'm very busy this morning." "I thought it was understood that we had finished with your treatments." "Oh, no, we haven't." "You can't cast me aside like a..." "Like a..." "A worn-out glove?" "Yes, a worn-out glove." "Oh, I know you're tired of me." "I know why you always say you're busy when I suggest going to your apartment." "Yet other women go there, dozens of them!" "I won't stand for such treatment any longer." "You act as if I were no better than the..." "The..." "The dirt under his feet?" "Yes, the dirt under your feet." "I ought to shoot you down like..." "Like..." "Like a dog?" "Like a dog." "How did you know?" "Oh, I just thought it might be." "Hmm." "If only I had something to shoot you with." " Thank you." " Annie!" "(CLICKING)" "Why doesn't it shoot?" "No bullets." "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "What's this?" "The first chapter of your new book." "I typed it at home." "Mmm." "Very nice." "Very neat." "When will you dictate the second chapter?" "Oh, I don't know, Annie." "I never get any time." "Perhaps this afternoon." "Oh, any time at all." " Annie!" " Yes?" "Your nose is shiny." "Why can't you use a little powder?" "It's bad for business." "Not necessarily." "Why not point me out as a horrible example?" "If my patients were like you, I'd starve to death." "And if I were like your patients, I'd want to." "Everything all right?" "Very successful, monsieur, very." "And here's 100 francs for you." "Good day, monsieur." "Excuse me." "Could you direct me to Dr. Lamar's Temple of Beauty?" " Right there." " Thank you." "But you can't get in." "Oh, yes, I can." "I'm an old friend of the doctor's." "Oh, you could be his Siamese twin and still not get in without these." "But I don't need..." "It'll only cost you 100 francs, and you'll never get more for your money." "Thank you." "Did you have any definite ideas?" "Yes." "I went to the Folies Bergère last night." "There was an act called "A Night in the Orient."" "If this is a night in the Orient, I'm being gypped." "I want them all done over to look like this." "Will it take long?" "Oh, yes." "Several days." "Please call me when they are finished." "You can get me at the..." "At the Claridge." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "(WOMEN CHATTERING)" "(WOMAN SCREAMING)" "There he is, under here, girls." "Get him out." "A man in here." "Hurry up, get him out!" "It's a mistake, ladies." "I know the doctor well." "Dr. Lamar is a friend of mine." "Please, ladies!" "Please now, ladies, Dr. Lamar is a friend of mine, if you'll just give me a chance to explain, I..." "What's this?" "We found this man molesting the patients." "Why, I wasn't molesting anybody." "I was looking for you, Maurice." "Why, Max!" "Is that you?" "Max, I haven't seen you in years." "What are you doing with those on?" "Why, I had to see you, and they told me that this was the only way I could get in." "Oh." "Well, come on, sit down." "Tell me about yourself." "Remember when we were going to set the world on fire" " with our scientific discoveries?" " Yes." "Say, Max, whatever happened to that serum you were working on last time I saw you?" "That's what I came to see you about." "Another two months and victory will be mine." "Of course in the meantime, I..." "In the meantime, you want me to lend you some money." "Yes." "Will you?" "I will not!" "Max, you've got to stop wasting your life on a lot of guinea pigs." "I've got something better for you to work on." " What?" " Women." "Women?" "Yes, yes, you've heard of them, haven't you?" "I want you to move in here and work with me." "Thanks, Maurice, but I'm afraid I can't." "Why not?" "In the old days we always planned to work together." "I know, but that was to be scientific." "Oh, and this isn't, I suppose." "Let me tell you, the work I'm doing today is just as important as the work I did after I graduated from medical school." "Don't you realize that ugliness is a disease, and that in curing it," "I'm bringing beauty and joy into hundreds of lives?" " Oh, Doctor." " Yes?" "That new patient is prepared." "Right." "Come on, Max." " Me?" " Yes, you." "Ah, Madame Severac?" "Yes." "I'm Dr. Lamar and this is Dr. Pascal." "Now, my dear, just relax." "Just relax." "Now, what can I do for you?" "I want to be beautiful." "I see." "This will have to be lifted." "Yes, Doctor." "This will have to be lifted." "Yes, Doctor." "Yes, Doctor." "Did you make a mask of madame?" "Oh, yes, Doctor." "Now, what do you wish to look like, madame?" "Why, just beautiful." "MAURICE:" "I see." "Like this, perhaps?" "There!" "You mean I can look like that?" "Yes, indeed, Madame Severac." "Your first treatment will be Tuesday at 4:30." "My secretary will speak to you about the fee." "In the meantime, have no fears." "You shall be beautiful." "Oh, thank you, Doctor." "Thank you so much." "Don't mention it." "I shall see you on Tuesday." "Come, Max." "Well, what do you say now?" "Isn't she more beautiful already?" "She certainly seemed to be." "Is she going to get her husband back, or isn't she?" "You saw the tragic state she was in." "I'll make her the happiest woman in the world." "Once more, Max, a doctor has saved a life." "Well, what do you say about our proposition?" "You can name your own salary to start and later work up to an interest in the business." "I don't want to seem ungrateful, Maurice, but I don't think I'd fit into a place like this." " Just as you like." " I'm sorry." "Goodbye, Maurice." "Goodbye, Max." "Oh, Doctor." "Madame Caron is waiting to have the bandages removed." "Madame Caron, waiting?" "How long?" "Oh, about an hour." "You've kept Madame Caron waiting an hour?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "You were busy." "Don't tell me there's still something you don't like?" "It suddenly occurred to me I won't be seeing you anymore." "Why not?" "Because my work is done." "You are perfect." "Really?" "Well, of course we ought to have a complete check-up." "Vilma, get ready for a check-up." "No." "I'll check Madame Caron." "The weight first." "Your husband was here this morning." "Oh, can't we talk about something pleasant?" "You know, we won't get the proper result if you do that." "How do you know we won't?" "It disturbs the balance." "Whose?" " The scale's." " Oh." "Perfect!" "I couldn't ask for more." "No, I suppose not." "Now over here, please." "Are you so strictly professional with all your patients?" "No." "Well, then why am I so honored?" "Because I'm afraid." "Of me?" "No, of myself." "You see, I might fall in love with you." "And would that be such a calamity?" "Yes, it would." "There is only one way I can afford to love you." "How?" "In the way that Pygmalion loved Galatea." "In the way that every artist loves the masterpiece he has created." "You are my creation, you know." "When you first came to me, you were merely pretty." "Little by little, I molded you, as Pygmalion molded his statue, until you became my most beautiful achievement." "It all sounds very poetic, but not terribly thrilling." "It could be terribly thrilling if..." "If what?" "It's just as well you're going out of my life." "Must I?" "Why?" "Because..." "Because what?" "Because there's nothing more I can do for you." "Are you sure?" "Will you do me a great favor?" "What?" "Put this on." "I'll mail you the measurements." "Goodbye." "Has the doctor finished with madame?" "He only thinks he has." "Anything wrong?" "No, I got away." "Was she difficult?" "Very difficult." "Oh, why can't women be sensible?" "Probably because you won't let them." "What do you mean?" "I mean that you've built yourself up into such a glamorous figure that all these women are dazzled into thinking they're in love with you." "But it isn't you they fall for, it's just the trimmings." "Yes, I suppose you're right." "It's just a little hard on one's self-esteem to have to admit it." "It's nothing to feel badly about." "These aren't the kind of women who can appreciate your real qualities." "And you have them, you know, even if they are being wasted around here." "Why, Annie, I didn't know you were so interested in my welfare." "Well, who said I was?" " Here." "You better look at these." " Must I?" "Well, this one, anyway." "It's an invitation to speak at the International Beauty Congress." "Oh, yes." "Tell them I'll be there." "And you handle the others." " Annie!" " Yes?" " You've powdered your nose." " Yes." "Well, it seemed the simplest way." "I think some air will do me good." " When will you be back?" " Oh, I don't know." "Annie, are you busy tonight?" "Why, no." "I can come back here any time you like." "No, no, I didn't mean that." "How about coming up to my apartment?" "Your apartment?" "Yes, yes." "I thought I might get in some good work." " On the book." " Oh." "We'll have plenty of time and won't be disturbed." "You don't have to, you know." "Oh, I don't mind in the least." "Is the doctor at home?" "Yes, mademoiselle, he's expecting you." "I shall tell the doctor mademoiselle is here." "Thank you." "JEAN:" "The doctor will be here immediately." "Thank you." "MAURICE:" "Good evening, Annie." "You don't mind if I'm not dressed?" "I say, you don't mind if I'm not dressed?" "Oh, no, not at all." "You see, I do like to be comfortable." "Of course." "Well, do you like it?" "Oh, it's beautiful." "And so are the pictures." "Are they patients?" "No, Annie, not patients, episodes." "Lovely episodes." "Oh, I see." ""Lovely episodes."" " You look very lovely yourself, Annie." " Do I?" "You certainly do." "That's a charming dress." "You know, at the office one is apt to forget that an efficient secretary can also be a very pretty girl." "Thank you." "Well, shall we begin?" "Begin?" "(JEAN CLEARING THROAT)" "What is it, Jean?" "Is there anything you want, sir, before I go out?" "No, I don't think so." "Good night." "Good night, sir." "I'm sure we won't need all these lights." "There." "That's better, isn't it?" "Is it?" "Now, before we go any further, won't you have some wine?" "It probably will help." "Fine." "Now, sit right down here and I'll get it for you." "(CORK POPPING)" "Here you are." "Here's to..." "What?" "To what?" "To lovely episodes?" "Splendid!" "To lovely episodes." "Now, shall we get started?" "Why not?" "Well, where's your book?" "Book?" "Certainly." "You can't start dictation without a book." "Oh!" "No, no, of course not." "Now, let me see, where did we stop?" ""Every woman wants love."" "Oh, yes, yes. "Every woman wants love." Mmm-hmm." "To deprive a woman of love is to deprive her of life itself." "Yeah." "But, unfortunately, men are selfish brutes and they... (ACCORDION PLAYING)" "Oh, what was that last?" ""Men are selfish brutes."" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Men are selfish brutes and they demand beauty." "Beauty at any price." "(PLAYING PIANO)" "Annie, I'm afraid I'm not in the mood for dictating tonight." "Do you mind?" "Would you get us some wine like a good girl?" "I'll get it, but I'm not sure it'll be like a good girl." "(PLAYING ALONG WITH ACCORDION)" "(HUMMING)" "(SINGING) There never was a night like this" "There never was a girl like you" "Each moment of delight like this" "Is love divided by two" "Your loveliness will glorify" "That happiness I have in view" "And I'll have even more if I" "Divide the glory with you" "Do I hit the ceiling" "Whenever you're near?" "I don't hit the ceiling" "I hit the stratosphere" "My heart is at the height of joy" "No beauty can compare with you" "This night will be a night of joy" "And love divided by two" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hello." "What?" "I simply must see you at once." "No, I can't explain over the telephone." "178 Avenue Wagram." "Yes, as soon as I get some clothes on." "Goodbye." "That was Madame Caron." "I'm sorry we didn't get any farther, but it was nice of you to have come, anyway." "If you'll tell me where you live, I'll drop you off." "No, thank you." "That won't be necessary." "You mustn't keep Madame Caron waiting." "Good night." "(CRYING)" "You must always remain as beautiful as you are at this moment." "But how can I?" "Continue the treatments I've given you, keep out of the sun, wind and rain." "Care for your face morning, noon and night." "Continue your diet and electrical massage." "Bandage your ankles." "Wear gloves to bed." "Exercise daily and most important of all, no excitement." "No emotional strain." "Does that include love?" "Oh, absolutely." "Love causes more wrinkles than anything else in the world." "Oh, but what if I can't help myself?" "What if I'm already in love with the most wonderful..." "But you cannot afford to love." "A less perfect woman, perhaps, but not you." "You are too beautiful." "MARCEL:" "Is that so?" "Even you'll admit she's too beautiful." "You, the wrecker of my home." " Are you mad?" " Yes, good and mad." "You get that way when somebody steals your wife." "Now, Marcel, whatever you think, you are mistaken." "Yeah, that sounds familiar." "A typical wifely remark." "Oh, you beast!" "Now, now, no excitement." "Excitement sags the face muscles." "I can't think of my face at a time like this." "Oh, I don't mean your face, I mean your wife's." "Now just try to relax." "Splendid." "But he accused me of being faithless." "Not of being faithless." "Of desertion." "For the past year you've been so busy with his treatments you've had no time for me." "Your wife wanted to be beautiful so that she could appeal to you." "That is a lie." "I hate thin women, she reduces." "I hate red fingernails." "Every man does." "So she paints hers every day." "She's not a wife to me, she's an advertisement for you." "I'm surprised at you, sir." "You should be proud to have a wife so lovely." "Why, did you ever see such classical features?" "Perfect." "Such flawless skin?" "Marvelous." "Such a superb figure?" "Magnificent." "Well, then you do approve." "Certainly not." "She won't do at all." "What did you say?" "I said she won't do at all." "The woman I married was just pretty enough." "In warm climates, men would occasionally turn to look at her." "You've turned her into something to attract the American tourist." "I have turned her into a masterpiece of loveliness." "I don't want a masterpiece of loveliness." "Do you realize what the husband of a woman like that is up against?" "There'll be lovers in the shrubbery." "Lovers on the balcony." "Only today, I found a dark Spanish fellow lurking in my vestibule." "Oh, my nerves are absolutely wrecked." "Have you quite finished insulting me?" "Yes, I believe I have." "And tomorrow, I'm suing you for divorce." "How dare you!" "Now, remember, no excitement." "Smile, if possible." "And in the name of the husbands of the world," "I'm naming you as co-respondent." "Smile, if possible." "Doctor, you've sinned with your scissors and other surgical instruments." "You've lured her with lotions, corrupted her with..." "What was the name of that goo?" "Creme Supreme." "Fortunately, I've been getting used to doing without your company." "All these treatments have kept us apart so much, it's like saying goodbye to a lovely stranger." "Goodbye, madame." "And may heaven help your next husband." "In India, when a husband is about to divorce his wife, he puts a betel nut under her pillow." "Therefore I say, madame, betel nuts to you." "How can you smile at a time like this?" "Because you told me to." "And because now you need never lose your masterpiece." "My beautiful Eve, I must have loved you all the time." "Oh, my darling, as soon as I'm free we can be married." "Who said anything about marriage?" "Very well." "I know what I shall do." "It's desperate, but so am I." " You're not going to sue me?" " No." " Shoot me?" " No." "Not shoot yourself?" "You're getting warmer." "Eve, tell me, please." "I shall get fat." "No!" "I shall get fat in all the wrong places." "Eve, you couldn't do that to me." "Why not?" "What can life mean to me without you?" "From this moment I shall let myself go." "I shall neglect my skin." "I shall give up dieting and massage." "I'll never exercise and live only for excitement." "In other words, I shall destroy your masterpiece." "You would destroy your beauty for my sake?" "Why not?" "I've no desire to be beautiful in the eyes of other men, if you don't want me." "Oh, Eve." "I do, I do." "Beauty at any price." "Sweetheart." "(MAURICE AND EVE MOANING)" "EVE:" "Now you must go." "Go?" "Why?" "Because we mustn't spoil it." "It's all so beautiful." "I can't imagine why you didn't want to come to this convention." " But, darling, on our honeymoon?" " Why not?" "You'll be very proud of me in front of all those other doctors and I'll be proud of you, too." "All right, sweet, anything you say." "(JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)" "Oh, darling, not here." "It's too public." "But, sweet, this is our honeymoon." "Yes, honey, but let's wait for the moon." "(LAUGHING)" "Ah, look at that sea, that limitless expanse of blue." "Come on." "Come on, let's go for a swim." " But darling, have you lost your mind?" " I hope so." "One should on a honeymoon." "Come on." "But how many times have you told me yourself that there's nothing worse for the skin and hair than bathing in salt water?" "Oh, that's true." "I forgot." "Yes, I'd be a fine advertisement for you at the convention tonight, wouldn't I?" "Yeah, I suppose you're right, dear." "I didn't think of the convention." " What time is the dinner?" " Oh, about 8:00." "8:00?" "But darling, it's nearly 5:00 now, I must start dressing at once." "You'll just about be able to make it." "MAURICE:" "Well, what am I going to do for three hours?" "Why don't you dictate to that stenographer you insisted on bringing along?" "That's a good idea." "She went swimming." "She'll look terrible tonight." "There she is now." "Annie!" "Annie, wait!" "Hello." "Hello." "(HUMMING)" "(EVE SCREAMING)" "Oh, Rolando!" "What are you doing here?" "You promised not to follow me." "I told you, I cannot live without you." "Do you want me to call my husband?" "No, it is you I want." " Go away." "You are mad." " Yes, I am mad." "Mad with this love of you in my soul." "Shh!" " You don't understand." " Yes, I understand." "You are here with another man, but he shall not have you." "Did you ever see so many freckles?" "I never did." "They're fascinating." "You've no idea how long it's been since I've run into anything as natural as freckles." "Hang on to yours, won't you?" "I don't see how I can help it." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Have you been here long?" "No, just a few days." "I came to the Riviera right after my divorce." "Sort of a honeymoon, you might say." " Honeymoon?" " Yes." "My last marriage taught me that the right time for a honeymoon is just after the divorce." "And alone." "Then you're sort of celebrating." "Indeed I am." "This is the happiest moment of my entire married life." "Why did you leave Paris without telling me?" "Well, I..." "I left very suddenly." "Of course!" "With this other man, huh?" "It wasn't a man." "It was my husband!" "You have no husband." "Oh, yes, I have." "I was married this morning." " A new husband?" " Yes." "Oh." "Why did you not say so?" "I cannot be jealous of a husband." "No." " Kiss me, my love." " Oh, no, no, no!" "EVE:" "No, no, no, please." "No, no, please." "No, no!" "(MOANING)" " The husband?" " Yes." "Who are you?" "My name is Rolando Manuel Cristobal Martinez Correro Fernandez Corragio..." "Never mind, that's enough." "What are you doing here?" "I love your wife." "So..." "Darling, whatever you think, you are mistaken." "How long have you loved her, if I'm not too inquisitive?" "For two whole weeks I have been her slave." "Is that all?" "Is that all, two weeks or is that all, her slave?" "Is that all, her slave." "That is all, so far." "Yes." "Well, so far, so good." "(ROLANDO PROTESTING IN SPANISH)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hello." "Yes." "Well, this is indeed an honor." "Yes, of course I accept." "Yes, indeed. 7:30 sharp." "I'll be there." "Goodbye." "Eve!" "What do you think?" "The cosmeticians have elected me President." "Not really?" "Yes." "Do you know what an honor that is?" "The biggest men in the profession are here," "Hertzman, d'Orsay, Factor, DeSano." "And yet it is your husband they've elected President." "The convention dinner starts at 7:30." "The President cannot be late." "Of course not, darling." "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Come in!" "Oh, hello, Annie." "Here's your speech for tonight." "Will you want me anymore?" "No." "No, thanks." "Oh, I'm so glad." "If I can let a gentleman know right away," "I have a dinner engagement." "You have what?" "A dinner engagement." "I can be dressed in 10 minutes." "You can dress in 10 minutes?" "Zippers permitting." "Oh, so you've found a friend already, eh?" "Why, yes." "I met him in the water." "Do you allow men to pick you up in the water?" "Why not?" "One weighs so much less there." "Well, you certainly have changed." "I never thought you were the kind of girl that would..." "Oh, never mind, Annie." "Run along and enjoy yourself." "I hope you have a very pleasant evening." "Thank you." "The same to you." "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hello." "Oh, my dear friend, I'm terribly sorry." "We're coming right down." "Eve, you've got to hurry." "You're ruining my career." "Darling, what would you like me to wear?" "First I thought the blue, but then green is so smart this year." "The trouble is, I look so much better in yellow..." "Look, sweet, any one of them is all right." "Oh, but, darling, I can't decide." "Well, why don't you wear one and carry the other two on your arm?" "(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)" "I think I'll have some corned beef and cabbage." "Make that two orders." "I love corned beef and cabbage." "Will you marry me?" "Because I like corned beef and cabbage?" "Yes, and because you're real." "No powder, no rouge, no artificialities." "Oh, you've no idea what a relief it is after all I've been through." "I know just how you must feel." "It's nice to see naturally curly hair too, for a change." "Oh, it's nothing out of the ordinary." "Yes, it is." "Why, it's just the kind I like." "Now, what is it?" "Darling, I just want to touch up my lips." "What do you think you've been doing for the last four hours?" "Now, don't be cross, darling." "Your masterpiece is only trying to look masterpiecey." "There." "Are you ready, darling?" "All ready." "It's over!" "Yes, all over." "You mean there's nothing to eat?" "And I'm starving." "Per signore." "Corned beef and cabbage." "A penny for your thoughts." "ANNIE: (SINGING) I'm simply wild about you" "I couldn't do without you" "Corned beef and cabbage, I love you" "You always set me raving You satisfy that craving" "Corned beef and cabbage, I love you" "If I could have you every day My life would have more spice" "And even if I have to pay I'd gladly pay the price" "I see you and surrender Oh, won't you please be tender" "Corned beef and cabbage, I love you" "(SINGING) I'm always happy when you Are featured on the menu" "Corned beef and cabbage, I love you" "Although you're so plebeian You're fit for any queen" "Corned beef and cabbage, I love you" "You fill me with a strange desire" "That haunts me all night through" "You seem to set my heart on fire" "You give me heartburn, too" "Really?" "Why don't you try a load of" "Bicarbonate of soda" " Corned beef" " And cabbage" " I love you" " I love you" "What's this pork chop à la Pompadour?" "Ah, it is a chop, signore, with a very fine crème sauce, potatoes, asparagus, stuffed tomato, and other fresh vegetables." "It is a poem." "Good." "Bring us two orders of that." "Oh, no, no, Maurice." "Too much starch." "Look, darling, I'm hungry." "You order what you like, but I want a pork chop." "Oh, but you wouldn't have the heart to eat all those good things right in front of me when you know I'm fairly starved." "You order." "Well, bring me a small slice of very lean ham, fresh lettuce, melba toast and, oh, yes, some mineral water." "Now, order whatever you like, dear." "What's the difference?" "Bring me the same." "Well, it's the exact diet you prescribed, darling." "Good night and thanks so much." "Good night." "(HUMMING)" "(SINGING) I love you" "(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)" " I told you so." " What do you mean?" "That's that Spanish vestibule lurker I was telling you about." "How was the beauticians' banquet?" "Well, I don't know, you see, because when I..." "When you arrived, they'd all gone." "How did you know?" "It doesn't matter." "I fell asleep." "While Eve was dressing." "Yes." "That's one method." "Personally, I used to read a good book." "Prosit." "Prosit." "You wanted to go for a swim this afternoon, didn't you?" "Yes." " But you couldn't go." " No." "Prosit." "Prosit." "You wanted a good dinner." "Yes." "But you got lean ham and fresh lettuce." "Yes." "Prosit." "Prosit." "Prosit." "Darling, my love for you made me jealous." "Will you forgive me?" "51, 52, 53, 54, 55..." "On a night like this, there should be no bitterness, only beauty and romance." "59, 60, 61, 62, 63..." "One has only to look at that moon to realize that love is the only thing in the world worth having." "68, 69, 70." "I shan't be a minute, darling." "(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)" "Darling, I'm out of cleansing cream." "You could have said anything." "North Pole, gold standard, bicarbonate of soda, and nothing could have killed my mood like that hideous little sentence, "I'm out of cleansing cream."" "Now, don't make me nervous again, darling." "Your secretary must have some samples." "I'll ask her to bring me a jar." "What, now?" "Well, of course." "How else can I remove my makeup?" "Or would you rather I went to bed with it on?" "Do just as you like." "Room 698, please." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hello." "Did I wake you up?" "No, I couldn't go to sleep." "Cleansing cream?" "Yes." "Yes, I'll bring it." "She wasn't asleep." "Are you angry because I called her?" "No, and I'm not going to be angry about anything anymore tonight." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Well, come in." "Thank you, Annie." "You're quite welcome." "I shan't be long, darling." "What is it, Annie?" "Nothing." " Tell me." " Nothing, really." "I'd better get some sleep." "What is it, please?" "You haven't enough heart to understand." "I'm going back to Paris in the morning." "Annie, I won't allow that." "Oh, you won't?" "Well, I don't know how you're going to stop me." " You don't know what you're saying." " Don't I?" " But, Annie, please..." " Stop it!" "Don't touch me." "Don't even speak to me." "EVE:" "What's the trouble, darling?" "Why don't you answer?" "Your darling is calling you." "(SOBBING)" "(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)" "(HUMMING)" "(SINGING) Once I thought a husband and a lover" "Were two men, not one" "I thought romance was only A game of kiss and run" "Now I'm both a husband and a lover" "And really it's fun" "There never was a night like this" "There never was a girl like you" "Each moment of delight like this" "Is love divided by two" "Your loveliness will glorify" "That happiness I have in view" "And I'll have even more" "If I divide the glory with you" "EVE: (SINGING) Love that's all one-sided" "Leads only to sighs" "But when love's divided" "Somehow it multiplies" "BOTH: (SINGING) My heart is at the height of joy" "No beauty can compare with you" "This night will be a night of joy" "And love divided by two" "Kiss me." "No!" "No!" "Don't you love me anymore?" "Oh, how can I love you when you look like a walking beauty parlor?" " Maurice!" " It's true." "We come to the seashore and I can't swim with you." "I take you to dinner and I can't eat with you." "I've become your husband and..." "I tell you, I've had enough." "I can't stand any more." "Well, what are you going to do?" "I'm gonna get myself another room!" "Are you going crazy?" "No, I'm just getting over it!" "MAURICE'S VOICE:" "Smile, if possible." "Hello." "Dr. Lamar's Temple of Beauty." "But, Madame Bordeau, your appointment was for yesterday." " It was yesterday, wasn't it?" " Just a minute, please." "You must have forgotten to write it down." "But, madame, it was yesterday." "I'm looking at the records." "WOMAN:" "You'll have to make another appointment." "I'm sorry." "Does anyone know anything about Madame Curio's liver spots?" "One moment, please." "Aren't they down in the book?" "Yes, madame, I will." "Are Madame Curio's liver spots down in the book?" "I haven't seen a thing of them." "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way about it, madame, but..." "Hello." "Dr. Lamar's Temple of Beauty." "I just don't see how Anne managed." "(DUPONT SCREAMING)" "DUPONT:" "Oh." "Look what they've done to me!" "Come quickly, someone." "It's Madame Dupont." "DUPONT:" "I've been murdered, that's what happened to me!" "Go see what that is, quickly." "Hurry!" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Hello." "Oh, no, madame, the doctor is not here." "Oh, he'll be away for at least another week." "No, no, really, ladies, I can see no one today." "Oh, pardon me, madame." "He has just come in." "What is all this?" "Well, we weren't expecting you back so soon." "Where's Annie?" "Isn't she with you?" "She came back three days ago." "Haven't you seen her?" "No, sir." "I will sue!" "I will sue!" "Where is he?" "He shall pay for this." "Oh, there you are." "Is something the matter?" "Is something the matter?" "Look!" "Madame!" "What has happened?" "You have ruined my life." "That's what has happened." "But you shall pay for it." "You shall pay!" "(WOMEN GASPING)" "Look!" "This is what they do to you in this place!" "Look!" "My beautiful, beautiful hair!" "You..." "You idiots!" "What are you trying to do, ruin my career?" "Such a thing couldn't have happened if Annie had been here." "Find her for me at once." "I'm taking delivery." "Here's your check." "Wait!" "Stop!" "Goodbye." "Where are you going?" "We have a contract with a nightclub." "I'll sue you!" "You shall pay for this!" "Oh, what next?" " Doctor." " What is it now?" "Would you care to interview a new patient?" "No!" "Wait a minute." "I'd better see her." "I've probably lost all the others." "Now, madame, what can I do for you?" "I want to be beautiful." "Oh, yes, yes." "I know." "They all do." "What is your husband's chief complaint?" "Nothing." " André loves me just as I am." " Is that so?" "Yes, but I want to surprise him." "Poor André." "Oh, well, that's none of my affair." " I'm going to give you a diet." " Yes?" "Lean ham and fresh lettuce." "Melba toast without butter." "But your husband can eat anything he likes, understand?" "Of course." "At night bandage your ankles, cold cream your face, wear gloves..." "Oh, I can't do it." "Madame, forget everything I've told you and go home to your husband." "If you want to surprise him, present him with a pair of healthy twins." "That's surprise enough for any man." "And if you want further cosmetic advice, take this." "To reduce, scrub the floors." "To beautify your face, wash it in cold water with plenty of good soap, so that if your husband wants to kiss you, he can." "That's all." "Doctor, what do I owe you?" "Everlasting gratitude." "Good day." "Oh, good day." "Good day, Doctor." "Get me Dr. Max Pascal." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Genevieve!" "Not again." "Hello." "You don't mean it." "Maurice!" "But I do mean it." "I'm through with cosmetics forever." "Bring over all your stuff and move in today." "I'll be there in an hour." "Yes, yes, yes!" "Goodbye." "A scientific laboratory, just as we planned." "Well, if I had known you were going to be so dull," "I would never have left my husband." "Dull?" "What do you mean, dull?" "You're not as affectionate as you used to be." "What did you expect on lettuce?" "Well, rabbits seem to do all right." "But the doctor is back in town now, yes, and he will give your case his personal attention." "Thank you." "Goodbye." " GRETA:" "I'm so glad to see you." " I'm glad to see you." " Did you have a nice trip?" " Oh, lovely." "Oh, what an attractive suit." " Do you like it?" " Oh, it's lovely." "Thank you for letting me know he was back." "I'd have called you anyway." "He's terribly anxious to see you." "Not half as anxious as I am to see him." "So, this is the time you show up for work." "Everything's gone to the devil around here." "Does that mean nothing to you?" "Less than nothing." "What?" "Apparently you didn't believe me when I told you I was quitting, but I am." "Where are you going?" "I'm going downstairs to the taxi that's taking me to my wedding." " Why, married..." " Oh, get out." "But, Annie..." "You don't know what's happened." "Now, of all times, you mustn't leave me." "Why not?" "Because I'm through with cosmetics forever." "That's what you always wanted, wasn't it?" "Yes." "Well, I'm going to turn this place into a scientific laboratory." " It's too late." " Why?" "I'm going to marry Marcel." "Marcel?" "What Marcel..." " Not Eve's Marcel." " Yes." "Oh, I don't believe it." "Marcel." " Hello." " Hello." "Marcel, the doctor doesn't believe we're going to get married." "He doesn't?" "Then the doctor is going to feel pretty silly when he sees us in the newsreel." "Look here, you can't get away with this." "I won't allow it." "Well, I don't know how you're going to stop it." "Annie's in love with me." "I don't believe that, either." "Is this man attractive to you?" " Of course." " Show me one attractive feature." "Look at that profile." "Can't you see that his nose is all wrong and that his eyes are too close together?" " Say..." " And look at those teeth." "Well, after all, she's picking out a husband, not a horse." "Go on, just show me one attractive feature." "Well, he has beautiful, curly hair." "So, all our work, our mutual interest, all the things we've been to each other are to be thrown into the discard because Marcel happens to have a wave in his hair." "Come, Marcel, the taxi is waiting." "Coming, darling." "What right have you to take her away from me?" "I love her." "Yes?" "Well, I loved Eve." "Remember?" "Goodbye." "(CHATTERING)" "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "Annie!" "(PEOPLE SCREAMING)" "Follow that cab!" "Get in!" "Faster, faster." "MAURICE:" "Don't lose that girl." "(ALL CHATTERING)" "Where is he?" "Where is he?" " Which one?" " Well, they took him over there." "He's been scalped!" "MAN:" "No, madame, just a toupee." "(ANNIE EXCLAIMING)" "Darling, speak to me." "Speak to me." "Are you all right?" "(GROANING)" " What's the idea?" " I love you."