"(grunting)" "LINDA:" "Tina, good." "Louise, eh." "Gene, get the back a little." "Back, back, up, down, side, side, go, go!" "And... time." "Brushes down!" "Yuck!" "What was that stuff?" "!" "Toothpaste." "So that's toothpaste!" "All right, now hurry up and floss like you've been flossing every day for the past six months." "Go." "We don't have any floss." "We all agreed not to get food between our teeth." "Maybe Dr. Yap won't notice." "Oh, he'll notice." "Dr. Yap notices everything." "He's like an eagle soaring through your mouth." "You know, I think I'm gonna sit this one out today." "Not so fast, Miss Missy." "Those teeth are gonna get cleaned twice a year until Dr. Yap stops taking our insurance." "Why do we even have to get our teeth cleaned?" "What kind of a racket is that?" "Louise, we know you hate going to the dentist, but come on, can we have this go smoothly just one time?" "Sure, sure." "Let me go get my coat." "She's gonna lock herself in her room!" "Don't make me tackle you!" "(thud, groan)" "BOB:" "Got her foot." "Damn it!" "Spotless, as always, Tina." "You know, we don't always have to make this about business." "I'm more than just a mouthful of perfect teeth." "And off you go." "(creaking) All right, all set." "I feel violated." "Maybe a toy would help?" "Okay." "You like that toy basket?" "Mm-hmm." "Toy basket is what it's all about!" "Come on, cup n' ball, or pirate tattoo!" "Ooh!" "Ah, the old get-all-the-BBs into-all-the-holes game." "A classic." "I'll master this when I should be brushing my teeth." "Gene, that's not really the idea." "Bup, bup, bup." "Bup." "Got the toy, gonna go." "Well, well, well." "They haven't ripped up your dental license yet, huh, Dr. Yap?" "What's it made out of?" "Is it hard to rip?" "Ah, hello, Louise." "Still afraid of the dentist?" "Afraid?" "!" "I'm not afraid!" "You're afraid!" "You reek of fear!" "Whatever you say." "(coughs):" "Scaredy-cat!" "Look, how about I just sit in that chair for the allotted time, flip through a nature mag, and you can still get your easy money?" "Nope." "Ugh!" "Fine." "But you're in and out in two minutes, or I start biting." "No loitering!" "Scrape a gum, I slap your face, got it?" "I know the rules, Louise." "You're the boss." "Just in case you forgot." "All right." "We need you to open your mouth." "Okay, now just, uh..." "You're doing great." "Just, the opposite of what I've asked you to do." "Just open it." "Are we done?" "Almost." "Just..." "Aah." "There you go." "Aah." "Great, great." "Perfect, tiny opening I can see through." "(breathing loudly) Hmm." "Ow!" "That was fair." "That was fair." "That was my bad." "I didn't..." "You need to talk to me!" "You're right." "I know." "It was my fault." "I just..." "You got real quiet!" "No, I know." "Bob, we have a situation." "Did Louise hit you?" "Yes, but that's not the problem." "She's got a cavity." "Wow." "So, oh, Louise got her first cavity." "(laughing):" "Yeah, and it's a doozy." "Oh, it's so bad." "Look, I have a cancellation." "I can do the filling right now." "Boom, bam. (clicks tongue)" "Hmm." "Yeah, maybe a surprise attack is best." "This isn't gonna be easy." "(sighs)" "(whispering):" "I don't want to go back in there." "I really don't want to go back in there, Bob." "Listen." "Mm-hmm?" "You can do this." "Yup." "Yup." "All right?" "Okay." "So, I'll see you later?" "Yup." "Yup." "All right." "(exhales loudly)" "I need to stretch out a little bit." "Yup." "You know, I'm just gonna do a little... (sighs)... trivial touchup on that second molar." "What the hell's all that for?" "Um..." "You have a... (quietly):" "Cavity." "A cavity?" "!" "No, no, I'm not getting a filling!" "Hey, fill this!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "You back off!" "(shrieks)" "(shrieks)" "DR. YAP (shrieking):" "I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry!" "Sorry!" "It's fun in there." "It's fun." "Here's what's gonna happen, okay?" "I'm going out this window, and that's the last you'll ever see of these teeth." "Your parents will bring you back, Louise." "You have a cavity." "Let 'em." "I'll keep running!" "Ho-ho, they'll never find me." "You're gonna wait ten..." "Hey!" "(shrieks)" "You're gonna wait ten minutes till you tell my dad I'm gone." "This is sil..." "I..." "What did I just say?" "!" "Okay!" "All right!" "Ten minutes." "I'm sorry." "Adios, Yap!" "She's gone!" "She ran away!" "What?" "!" "She told me to wait ten minutes before I told you." "But I'm a grown man, and she's a little girl, so I waited eight!" "You waited eight minutes to tell me my daughter ran away?" "!" "Don't tell Louise I didn't wait the full ten." "Maybe she ran away into the car." "Oh, no, she's gone." "Oh, my God." "(shouting):" "Louise!" "Dad, you're scaring everyone." "Oh, sorry." "Yeah." "(shouting):" "Louise!" "(birds screeching)" "Aah." "Aah." "Oh, I can't believe my baby ran away!" "We haven't found her yet, but we're going to." "Aah." "I don't know." "She is pretty small when she crouches down." "She could be anywhere by now, and in need of semi-urgent dental care!" "She could have fallen into a crevasse!" "Do we have those, Bobby?" "How deep are they?" "Oh, God." "She has to come home." "I mean, she's nine years old." "It's not like she's thought this through." "(crow cawing)" "(birds singing)" "Exactly where I left it." "Oh." "Right." "(laughs)" "Candy cell phone." "I was only seven when I packed this go bag." "I guess I was just a kid back then." "(phone ringing)" "Hello?" "Louise, is that you?" "Are you dead?" "!" "Oh, I'm alive and well, and I plan to stay that way." "And don't bother tracing this call, 'cause I'm not gonna be on long enough." "Louise, honey, come home!" "Only if you call off that lunatic, Dr. Yap!" "Louise, it's your father." "Just come home and get the stupid filling." "Sorry, Dad, that's not gonna happen." "So, uh, oh, geez, I guess this is good-bye." "Not how I imagined it." "What?" "Good-bye?" "What do you mean?" "We're your family!" "Well, Mom, sometimes these things just don't work out." "Louise, don't..." "No, Louise, don't go..." "So, Ms. Black, you want to reserve the Duchess Suite for an indefinite stay, and you have one Mr. Bob Belcher's credit card." "Now all I need to complete this check-in is an adult." "Yeah." "I believe this photo I.D." "says I'm an adult." "Yes." "Yeah." "It says you're 43." "Mm-hmm." "But it's written in pencil." "And the background says" ""Wagstaff School Picture Day."" "Wagstaff was my platoon in 'Nam." "Oh, man, they said there'd be people like you when I came back." "Uh-huh." "Serving my country, protecting your ass." "I'm going to have to call the police now." "What?" "So they can give you a ride home." "Good-bye." "(doorbell rings)" "(multiple locks clicking open)" "(door creaks shut, lock clicks open)" "Louise, what a surprise!" "I'm so glad it's you and not a murderer." "Nope." "Just me, as planned." "Remember?" "No." "Aunt Gayle, I wrote you weeks ago about staying with you." "Oh, that darn mailman must be taking my letters!" "If that's his way of getting me to notice him, it's kind of working." "You remember the cats?" "(meowing)" "Do I?" "There's this one and that one." "Oh, the-the other one!" "Oh, they like you." "The farther they walk away from you, the more they like you." "What's, uh..." "what's going on with the plastic situation over here?" "Are you renovating your bed?" "Ah, I'm not such a good sleeper so I kind of invented this little game where I'm the last living person in the world." "Oh." "Does that help, or...?" "Yeah!" "This keeps out the radiation and the mutant carnivores that prowl the earth at night, and I sleep like a baby." "Okay." "Well, that's great." "I'm gonna go hit the can." "Well, I'll just call your mom and let her know you got here safely." "No, no, no, no, do not do that." "My mom said for you to only call her if I don't get here safely." "Makes sense." "Mm-hmm." "In case I have to keep running, Cuba's that way." "I can just take a..." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "(sucks in through teeth) Suck it up!" "(phone ringing) Hello?" "Gayle, it's Linda." "Hey, Lin, it's me, Gayle." "Yeah, I-I know, hon." "I called you." "Oh." "Okay." "Listen, have you seen Louise?" "Yeah, she's here at my place." "Oh, thank God." "Bob, she's at Gayle's." "Yeah, it's that scheduled visit I didn't know about." "She ran away, Gayle." "(gasps)" "Oh, my." "Where'd she go?" "!" "She's at your house, hon." "Oh, right, right." "She's afraid of the dentist." "She got a cavity, and she doesn't want to get a filling." "Well, who does?" "Okay, well, uh, we'll come pick her up, but don't tell her, or she'll run." "Oh, good thinking, Lin." "You're the smart one, I'm the hot one." "No." "That little dental dodger." "How come Louise gets to run away?" "She doesn't get to run away." "I want to run away!" "Yeah, I could stand to run away." "It could be chapter four of my memoir, right after chapter three:" ""Going to the Dentist."" "No one else is running away." "We just need Louise to get that filling." "Good luck with that." "Maybe it's time for a little creative parenting." "Wait." "What do we do, Lin..." "bribe her to get the filling?" "Bribe Louise?" "We don't have that kind of money." "But if she lost a bet..." "I don't know." "What's the bet?" "Pack your bags, kids." "You're running away, too!" "Yay!" "Yay!" "(doorbell rings, cat purrs)" "What the...?" "What are you guys...?" "Guess who else is running away." "Us." "Gene and myself." "What about Mom and Dad?" "They dropped us off." "I'm not coming home!" "I know." "Stay at your Aunt Gayle's!" "Great." "I will." "Forever." "Thanks." "(laughs) I bet you can't last the weekend without Gayle driving you nuts!" "Bet I can." "I love it here!" "Yeah, care to make a wager?" "Sure!" "I'll tell you what." "If you last the whole weekend, you don't have to get the filling." "But if you crack, if you can't hack it, you get the drillin' and the filling'." "Deal?" "Of course it's a deal!" "I can stay here till I'm 30!" "It's the most fun studio apartment in the world!" "This better work." "It's gonna work 'cause we're gonna cheat." "We got a man on the inside." "(phone buzzing) "Hi, Mom." "Ready when you are." "It's Tina."" "(phone buzzing) "Tina, your daughter, Tina."" "Okay." "It's time to text Tina her first instructions." "We're gonna raise Gayle's crazy meter to un-fun levels." "Super secret-style, like a ninja." "You know, this whole situation is absurd." "Hey, you got to fight crazy with crazy." "Well, Louise gets this from your side of the family." "(laughing):" "You don't think I know that?" "(cackling)" "What are you doing?" "Stop that." "(cackling)" "(phone buzzes) (grunting)" "Go in the hole, BBs!" "Aah!" "I was so close!" "What do you have against novelty amusements, cat?" "!" "(humming) Hi, Aunt Gayle." "So, um, we were wondering if you'd read us your poetry." "Uh, what?" "Really?" "What?" "You kids want to hear my poetry?" "Tina!" "Oh, wonderful, wonderful!" "What's happening?" "(clearing her throat)" ""Happy Things We Should Send Into Space."" "A jar of mayo." "Magazine clippings of Scott Baio." "That song that starts with "Day-O"..." "Little cat, you're just like me." "You go outside and squat to pee." "(shouting):" "Squat!" "Squat!" "Squat!" "Squat!" "(clapping)" "Yeah!" "(whoops) Okay." "That's..." "Oh, ah... we got to stop." "But I'm not done." "(shouting):" "Squat!" "The end." "Great poems, Aunt Gayle." "Okay, I'll take that." "Thank you." "Wait." "But I have so many more!" "And I want to read them!" "Later." "Alone." "So I don't disturb anyone when I go, "Mmm." "Uh-huh." "Well put." "Devastating."" "(phone buzzing) LINDA:" "Oh, poopsicles!" "Louise outflanked us." "I think we got to turn up the heat." "You know, I haven't read any parenting books, but I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be in there." "Parenting books?" "There are parenting books?" "Um..." "I thought they were..." "that was a joke." "Well, there are parenting books." "Huh." "I should write a book." "I'd call it Hey, You, I Saw That." "Put It Back!" "That's..." "Yeah." "Yup, you should do that." "I know, right?" "Make a fortune." "Mm-hmm." "Hey, Aunt Gayle, do your cats' claw caps come in other colors?" "What, their Pretty Paws?" "(purring and mewing)" "Of course!" "I got lots of colors." "It's just maybe Jean Paw'd Van Damme would be happier in pastel colors." "It is spring, after all." "(gasps) You're so right." "Oh, Pink Eye and Mr. Business, you must be so embarrassed that you're still in winter colors." "Let's change 'em up!" "We'll all help." "Yeah!" "If we all pitch in, it'll only take a few hours." "I'm sure you guys got it covered." "I'm just gonna go..." "Cat nail salon!" "Louise, you hold Mr. Business." "Hurry, hurry." "Why do I have to have Mr. Business?" "He's the worst one." "Gene, you-you switch with me." "Hell no." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, wrap 'em up with these towels, 'cause when we take the old Pretty Paws off, they tend to go for the eyes." "Ah!" "No, just round 'em up." "Just close your eyes and dive on 'em." "Thanks so much for helping, kids." "Now that I made 'em all pretty, the pound will have to give me that fourth cat." "(yawns) Ah, time to get some shut-eye." "(shrieking)" "The apocalypse is upon us!" "Why?" "!" "Why must the world end right when I'm getting sleepy?" "!" "What's happening?" "Oh, it's how she sleeps." "Don't worry about it." "But there is an apocalypse." "Ah!" "Every human is dead except for me!" "Especially the men!" "So there's no men!" "So it's okay to sleep alone." "Good night, kids." "Night, Aunt Gayle." "Gayle had 'em in the cat salon for hours." "Well, Louise has to be cracking a little, right?" "But we need to push her over the top." "Hmm." "Wait, wait, wait." "Remember when Gayle hosted a game night and made us play the board game she invented?" "Gayle Force Winds?" "Yes!" "Gayle Force Winds!" "We should get the kids to play that." "It's horrible." "The rules don't make any sense, it takes all day to play it..." "Yes!" "Gayle Force Winds will drive Louise nuts." "All right, sex time!" "Oh, my God, right." "We can do that, 'cause they-they're gone." "Yeah..." "Let's do it." "(chuckling):" "Yeah." "Let's go!" "You want me to win." "Yes, I did it!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha." "Eh, hmm." "So, what do you kids want to do today?" "You're looking at it, babe." "Okay, great." "How does butter sound for lunch?" "(phone vibrates) What, am I gonna say no to a butter lunch?" "Hmm." "Hey, Aunt Gayle, I wish there was a board game that we could play that stimulates the imagination but that was too good for the major board game companies to even touch." "(gasps) I made a board game that stimulates the imagination but that was too good for the major board game companies to even touch!" "Oh, I got to make room." "(grunting) Uh, what's happening now?" "Why are you looking at me?" "I'm on the same moving couch as you." "So if Louise makes it to tomorrow morning, she doesn't have to get the filling?" "Right." "But if Gayle's craziness drives her out, she loses." "Mm-hmm." "And yet she wins 'cause her cavity will be filled." "That's right." "Pretty high-level parenting." "Yeah." "We know what we're doing, Teddy." "Pretty badass." "But what if Louise flies the coop and just goes somewhere else?" "Oh..." "Whoa." "You didn't even think of that, Bobby?" "Well, I mean, it's been..." "You have no contingency plan in place?" "I..." "Teddy, it's been mostly Linda's thing." "So we'll, uh... we'll stake out Gayle's apartment." "Oh, a stakeout." "That sounds fun!" "Hey!" "Get takeout for your stakeout." "Huh?" "Maybe you could order steak, have a takeout-steak stakeout." "I'll get the menus!" "It's called Gayle Force Winds." "It's more than just a board game." "It's about love and war and fantasy and plagues and fashion." "Cool." "So how do we play it?" "Princess Gayle must save the five realms of Worldlandia from the evil winds sent by the wicked sorceress, Rebecca, who thinks she's so cute." "She lives upstairs." "Louise, you go first." "Uh-oh, you landed in Sponge'in Dungeon." "You got to sit with this wet sponge on your head for 30 minutes. (quietly):" "This game seems pretty weird." "Maybe we should go home." "I'd rather sit here with a wet sponge on my head all day than get that stupid filling." "LINDA:" "Nice romantic stakeout." "What is that smell?" "Oh." "Bobby, Linda, what are you doing here?" "Teddy?" "What are you doing here?" "I was just gonna park over there for a few hours and then, uh," "I happened to see you guys were here, and I thought" "I'd just kind of..." "Wait, are you crashing our stakeout?" "What?" "No." "I brought pizza!" "Ooh, pizza." "Hand it over." "So what'd I miss?" "You guys taking copious notes?" "Can you... can..." "Do you mind both just scooting up" "(Linda and Bob grunt) just a little bit?" "A little more." "(Linda and Bob grunt) Is that it?" "Mmm." "That's as far as it can go?" "Should we all just move over to my truck?" "Teddy." "Uh, you know what, I'm fine." "I'll make it work." "Can you mind cracking a window?" "GENE:" "Aw, man!" "I landed in Cold Sore-ia." "(grumbles)" "Oh, that's hard." "You can ask Tina for some of her magic ointment." "But I clucked like an enchanted chicken for 20 minutes to get this magic ointment." "I don't know..." "Uh-oh." "Your indecision has upset the Gayle Force Winds." "(whooshing sounds)" "(grunts)" "Everyone has to start over!" "No!" "We've been playing this game for six hours and no one has even made it past the Cliffs of Huxtable!" "(moans) That cavity's really bothering you, Louise." "What's it to you?" "Whose side are you on?" "Don't you want me to win?" "Stay cool." "I'm on your side." "Team Louise all the way." "Why are you talking like that?" "Like what?" "This is how I always talk." "Wait, now I don't remember how I talk." "Is this how I sound?" "Never mind." "Just help me get past Rebecca's monkey army." "(phone vibrates) Oh..." "Tina says Louise is losing it." "(Teddy snoring) Hopefully our little girl's about to snap. (chuckles)" "Yeah, let's hope it's soon." "Teddy's apnea is making me sick." "(snoring)" "(snoring stops)" "(coughing)" "Oh, God." "Thank God." "That one was, like, six seconds." "He's breathing again." "I mean, how lo... how long before you die?" "(birds chirping)" "I did it." "I made it through the weekend." "I don't have to get the filling!" "I win, I win!" "Let's all celebrate with more sleep and no more talking." "Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm!" "Morning, sleepyheads." "Oh, my God, did we sleep through the night?" "We sure did." "Never slept better." "Linda." "Linda." "Wha..." "Did you know that you snore?" "What happened?" "Did we win?" "What-What's going on?" "It's morning." "Damn it." "That little bugger pulled it off." "She beat us." "(grunts) That's not an option, Lin." "She needs to get that filling or else her teeth are gonna fall out." "Okay." "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this." "We're gonna have to make our baby feel some pain." "Oh, wow." "Y-You did it, Louise!" "How about a victory breakfast of ice cream?" "Thanks, T, that's a great idea." "(Louise screaming)" "My baby!" "(sobs)" "Our baby!" "We had to do it." "(crying) It was the only way!" "(cries)" "(screaming)" "You gonna finish that?" "(doorbell rings) Make it stop, make it stop!" "Knock, knock, time to pick up some runaways." "Ow, ow, ow," "(gps), no, what's wrong, Louise?" "ow, ow, ow." "She ate a bite of ice cream, and I guess it upset her cavity." "Aw." "Louise couldn't handle her high." "Why-why is Teddy here?" "Yeah." "Why are any of us here?" "Think about that." "Whoa." "You kids got further in Gayle Force Winds than I thought you would." "Wait, you knew we were playing Gayle Force Winds?" "Ow." "Um, I-I didn't." "I just, um..." "What-What's, uh..." "what's Gayle Force Winds?" "Oh, now I get it." "You guys were behind all of this." "You cheated!" "How could you?" "!" "Ow!" "Tina helped us cheat!" "What?" "!" "Mom!" "Sorry, it's true." "We cheated because we love you, honey." "Yeah." "Oh, that is disgusting." "I hate you guys right no I can't believe it." "Louise, you got to get that filling." "I'm fine!" "Ow!" "Honey, now you listen to me." "I know you're afraid." "I'm not afraid!" "Oh..." "Aw, screw it!" "I'm afraid, I'm afraid!" "I know a little something about fear." "You've seen my life." "Yeah." "It's bad." "So why don't you let Aunt Gayle help you get through this, okay?" "We're gonna turn your fear-believe into make-belie." "That's not gonna work." "(moans, hisses) Let's do it." "Great!" "Now, what character do you want to play?" "(dramatic orchestral music playing)" "(moans, hisses)" "You've been briefed of the situation." "I have." "This is the asset I spoke about." "Is the asset willing to do whatever's necessary to save the universe?" "She is." "And the asset promises not to... bite me during the procedure?" "The asset promises." "Then why the hell are we out here wasting time, damn it?" "!" "Let's go!" "Let's men!" "Sector eight, clear!" "Sectors ninend ten, clear!" "Ow." "That pain is a toxin from our enemy's ice cream serum." "The antidote is in this needle." "Ooh!" "Oh..." "Ooh, I don't know..." "Okay, no!" "You must." "The whole universe is counting on you, kid." "(sighs) Proceed." "Ow!" "Very good." "You should be completely numb in just a few seconds." "Now, this might look like ordinary porcelain filling from a sad, lonely dentist's office, but this is a microchip of our plans for the most amazing weapon system ever." "(whirring) Oh, wait." "Wait a minute." "Oh, no!" "Our enemies are here!" "(mimicking gunshots) Ah!" "(strained):" "Louise, the mission must go on." "Do it!" "(drilling)" "Get him!" "Cover me, Bobby!" "Go, go, go!" "Grenade!" "(mimics explosion)" "Ah!" "Flamethrower!" "Okay..." "Okay, all right, all right." "(screaming) I'm hit!" "I'm hit!" "I'm taking fire here!" "You got to call in some air support!" "This is crazy!" "We get the point!" "Geez." "We got you." "Okay." "You may have shot me too many times, but our cause will never die." "You did it, Louise." "I did it?" "You did it." "And it didn't... inconvenience..." "anyone... at all." "(exhales)" "I'll hug him back to life!" "(grunting)" "Okay, I'm fine." "Yeah, yeah, Tina, he's fine." "Don't do that." "Okay." "No." "Almost there!" "Tina, let-let him go." "Almost there!" "Tina, get up." "(mimicking gunshots)" "When you get to the toy basket, get the squirt ring!" "The squirt ring!" "The future depends on it." "Hey, you were good in there." "You, too." "I'd do a mission with you anytime." "I hate to say it, but I think Gayle out-parented us." "Maybe we should let her watch the kids more often." "Oh, maybe Gayle could move in with us, be our full-time nanny." "I'm gonna call your bluff on that." "Yes." "No." "No, no." "Too late." "It's done." "See you at home, Gayle." "Gotcha!" "(groans)" ""Happy Things We Should Send Into Space."" "A jar of mayo." "Magazine clippings of Scott Baio." "That song that starts with "Day-O."" "Little cat, you're just like me." "You go outside and squat to pee." "Squat!" "Squat!" "Squat!" "Squat!" "(clears throat)"