"Previously on desperate housewives..." "Your spleen has wandered close to your heart." "We're gonna take it out." "Get your insurance figured out by then" "[There was the bad news]" "It's the cop I want you to talk to" "His name is Solomon" "?" "daughter" "[The discomforting news]" "Thanks" "Are you hiding someone in your house?" "Tell me your secret,I'll understand" "OK [and the news no one should know]" "But you tell me yours first" "Once a month,the (?" ") seciety would attend a semi-formal lunch at the home of Maxine Bennett." "Everyone loves these elegant get-togethers" "Everyone that is, but a certain red headed housewive who is convinced Maxine was a liar" "You see,Maxine like to brag that she did all her own cooking and because each course was served promptly, presented with flare" "and it was positively mouth watering" "Bree knew Maxine had had some help and sadly for Maxine..." "Bree intended to prove it" "Maxine,once again,this entire lunch is just out the swirl" "I just have to get the number of your caterer" "What a nice compliment." "No,I'm afraid this is all my doing" "This was a triumph,an absolute triumph" "Oh,come on,do you honestly expect us to believe that you had the time to prepare a six-course meal for ten women" "Even I couldn't make this and have time to get ready for a party" "Well,perhaps you're just not as organized as I am" "If you excuse me" "Bree,what's got into you?" "I have the same recipe for English plum pudding" "It takes six hours to prepare" "How would you have time to make all this and everything else that we ate today" "This's not the pudding of an honest woman" "FBI,open up" "What on earth... looking for a Maxine Bennett" "I'm Maxine" "We have a warrant." "This is the premier's mail" "A warrant?" "I'm in the middle of a luncheon" "Over here" "Found her" "Maxine Bennett,you are under arrest, for involuntary servitude" "Is this the woman who locked you up?" "Bree,what's going on?" "Well,I'm not sure,but I think Maxine had a slave" "I can't believe it,I just can't believe it" "[But Bree could, you see,for her" ",the proof was in the pudding]" "Desperate housewives Season 2 Episode 14" "[The world is filled with unlikely friendships]" "[Odd pairings that to the casual observer make absolutely no sense at all]" "[But if we look closer, we can see why these alliances formed]" "[After all,a shared purpose can give even mortal enemies common ground]" "Bree, we have a question for you" "Oh,what is it?" "Well,we were just wondering,actually,we were curious about...uh..." "What the hell is going on with you and Betty Applewhite?" "Yeah,that" "Excuse me" "Well,from the day that dead body showed up, nobody was yelling 'oh,the Applewhites are involved other than you and the next thing we know,you are having Betty over for poker?" "What?" "She makes it sound like we are angry,we are not angry" "I'm a little angry" "Can we talk about this later?" "I have ice-cream in here" "Bree,could this flip-flop have something to do with the fact that Daniel is dating Matthew?" "Yeah,that would get her" "Who told you that?" " Mrs. McClosky- she saw them making out in the park" " Eddie!" " What?" "Can't you sugar-coat a little?" "I did,he had his hand down her shirt" "Bree,we know that you have a good reason for wanting Betty to hang out with us" "We just wondered if you could clue us in a little" "When it comes to Betty Applewhite,I know what I'm doing and you two are just gonna have to trust me and if you can't do that, then perhaps I've over-estimated the depth of our friendship" "Now,if you excuse me" "What a bitch!" " Eddie,can you ..." " I was sugar-coating it" "Oh,hey...none of that in ear" "Come on,maybe if we are remind them I'm shacking up with a senior VP, they'll stop killing all my pitches" "You've only been here for a week,why don't you give yourself a break?" "Honey,you know the ad game, we got to serve amount of time before mockery kicks me into the curb" "Look,I'm just asking you ... jump in every once in a while,throw me some of the ?" "on the work path" "I can't protect you,you're gonna have to find a way to click with Ed yourself" "And then the pig,he rubs on his stomach,and he goes...'" "Farm Fresh Bacon?" "I'll make a piggy out of you too'" "So... the pig actually eats the bacon?" "Uhuh,yeah" "I don't see the client doing a happy dance over the whole cannibalism theme" "Well,Tom,why don't you pitch them the other idea you came up with last night?" "You know,the one where people love bacon so much that they wanna keep it a secret?" "What,like a secret underground society of bacon eaters?" "Well,like my collage fraternity where, you know,everybody wanted in,but we only take the coolest guys" "You were Greek?" "Alpha Tau Megon ?" " I was Phi Kappa?" "You?" "And I don't remember you happened to be that cool to play JTO" "Look,if I had a nickle for every fi-cap that I tag 'naked' to a free way sign" "Scavo,if you were my pledge,I'd make you my bitch" "Oh,you think so?" "You know what,I'm liking this whole fraternity ankle" "Yeah,you know,let's talk about it over lunch" "You're buying" "Go" "Hello,what's going on?" "Gabrielle,I want you to meet someone" "This is Xiao Mei" "She's the young lady who's forced to work for Maxine Bennett" "Oh,the slave" "Wow, looks well fed" "The church is making arrangements for her to return to China" "But until then,she needs a place to stay" "So I offered her our guest room" "Really?" "Baby,can I talk to you for a second?" "Oh,you nuts" "It's only for a couple of days" "Oh,this time,you are quickly becoming Father Crowley's go-to guy for charity cases" "And that's a bad thing?" "When he turns our house into a catholic underground ?" ",YES!" "You know who you are,Gabby?" "You are the kind of person who'd turn away Mary and Joseph from the inn" "Well,they should've called ahead" "Don't brush your hair at the table" "Are you talking to me?" "Does this mean you've finally forgiven me?" "Why should I?" "You've betrayed this family and you're not even sorry" "Don't be such a drama queen" "If the Applewhites go to the police and tell them that your brother ran over Mrs.Solis, he could go to prison." "How can you not understand that?" "They won't talk about Andrew as long as you don't go to the police about Caleb" "What does this Caleb do exactly?" "And why on earth are they hiding him?" "Why don't you go to Mrs. Applewhite and tell her you really need to know what's going on?" "I bet if you were really nice,she'd tell you the truth" "Is that what you really think,Danielle?" "I should go to Mrs.Applewhite be nice and then she'll hand over all her secrets?" "Yeah" "When I was young,my stepmother told me that I was very lucky" "I possessed beauty,wit,cunning and insight" "These four weapons all women needed to survive in the world" "So?" "So take good care of your looks,Danielle" "You don't have any other weapons at your disposal" "Hi," "I need an operation on my spleen, and I just found out that I ran out of medical insurance." "Is there anyone I can sue?" "After the ?" "Launy let the policy lapse" "Now he's in jail,and I'm gonna die" "Susie,you are not gonna die" "I'll get into it with the insurance company" "No,there isn't time for you to deal with the red tape" "My spleen is going crinin into my heart" "I need that operation now" "I'd loan you the money myself" "But Eddie and I just plopped down our savings since ski condo" "I don't need a loan" "I need coverage" "I mean what if there are complications" "I don't have a safety net ...please..." "What in the hell are you doing?" "I'm saying a little prayer" "Uh,for puke sake" "What?" "I'm desperate here,do you have any other ideas?" "As a matter of fact,I do" "What you need is a husband" "What?" "The only way to get a good health plan is to marry into one" "Eddie,come on" "No,no,I think she's onto something" "Yeah,if we find the guy with the right plan you could have a sham waiting on a Monday night,and be fully covered Tuesday morning" "I can't believe you are actually considering this" "The surgeon is slicing me open a week from tomorrow, what other choice do I have?" "All we have to do is to find a guy who's willing to marry you" "You know,come to think of it, a little prayer might not be such a bad idea after all" "Pad,we are all here,so send the call in as soon as you get it" "200 bucks says you can't do that three times in a row" "You catch three of those, 200 bucks" "What do you say there,Scavo?" "You are on." " Here we go." " Ah-ah-ah-ah!" "Thrown by me." "I'm sorry,I thought we were here to talk aboutthe farm fresh rollout?" "They gotta be catchable,big guy." "You just let me worryabout the shooting." "Come on." " that's one." " Guys... oh!" "Nice moves." "One more,big guy." "Guys,please... that's--all right." " Ow!" " Oh!" "ow." "that wasn't even catchable!" "Yeah,well,maybe not." "But it's totally worth the 200 bucks.Ahh!" "Whoo!" "Well,you got me." "You're a regularlittle monkey man!" "Oh,I love this guy." "Oh." "Hi." "Do you have to sit aroundall day?" "I mean,shouldn't you be out experiencingwestern civilization while you have the chance?" "what are you doing?" "I fix." "No,this is couture!" "This rip has to be fixedby an experienced tailor." "You can't just... holy crap!" "This stitching is perfect!" "Hungry?" "Did you make all of this?" "Oh!" "For me?" "Okay." "Oh,my god!" "You like?" "I like a lot." "you like that?" "yeah,that's nice." "Do you know what they do to people in china who speak out against the government?" "Hmm?" "They put themin forced labor camps." "Isn't that awful?" "Mm-hmm." "You know what I mean?" "It's such a repressive regime." "We forgethow good we have it." "Yes,we do." "Don't you think xiao-mei would like it better herein america?" "I mean,where she could learn about freedom and democracyand stuff?" "Does this haveanything to do with you making xiao-meido housework?" "What?" "I came downstairs this morningand found her waxing the floor." "She told me you asked herto put on two coats." "Well,first of all,that was her idea." "Second of all,I can't have this conversation until you've tasted her crab puffs." "Oh..." "She just got donebeing a slave." "I mean,she wantsto go back to china... and we can't force herto stay here and be our maid." "Well,who's forcing her?" "We'll pay herwhatever she wants." "And the best part is,with her résum?" "any wage will look good." "No way,baby." "Mnh-mnh." "What?" "What?" "What,so you don't getwhat you want, you just walk offand pout?" "Oh,this isn't about me." "This is about our great nation." "And I have no intentionof sexually satisfying a man who isn't willing to stand up for and help spread the ideals and values of the united statesof america." "And sometimes she is a little hard to stomach,but she means well." "Well,that's-- hi!" "Oh,here she is." "I came as soon as I got your message." "Is this... this is gary grantham your future ex-husband." " Wow,nice to meet you." " Hi." "Okay,listen,um,I've got to meet a client." "I've got to go, so just talk amongst yourselves, and you two makea very handsome couple." "Oh.Yeah." "Uh,- hi.- hi." "So do you wannaget married on wednesday?" "'Cause thursday and fridayI'm out of town." "Oh!" "Oh,yeah." "Sure,that's--wednesday's great." "I'm--I'm just curious... how did edie convince youto do this so quickly?" "Well,she explainedyour situation to me." "I'm sort of in needof a fake bride myself, so I figured, what the heck?" "Why would you needa fake bride?" "Uh,I'm gay,and I've nevercome out to my mother." " Really?" " Yeah." "At first,I justdidn't want to upset her." "Then she got older,she gotemphysema and diverticulitis, and I started thinking,if I just kept my mouth shut, then one day naturewould take its course and we could avoid what is sureto be a very ugly scene." "So what changed?" "She told me at her81st birthday party last month, the only reason she's hanging onis to see me get married." "Oh." "Oh,so by marrying me... yeah,I'd get my inheritancethat much sooner." "No,but mostly,I wanna make sure she's happy." "well,you seemvery nice,susan." "Uh,it will be a pleasurebeing married to you." "Uh,likewise." "here,you can finishthe rest of the fries." "Here's your mail and your pills." "Ugh." "More pills?" "Miss tillman?" "Hmm?" "Where did this come from?" "I don't know.It was in with your other mail." "Get me the phone." "Sullivan,it's me." "I just got some news,and I need to get you involved." "Looks like delfino'sbeen holding out on me." "The next morning,bree came up with a plan to get to the truth she so desperately needed." "As she watched the applewhites leave their house, she thought of how much she had trusted the previous owners and how much they... had trusted her." "caleb?" "Is that you?" "hi." "I'm bree.I live down the street." "I'm a friendof your mother'S." "She's not home." "I know." "Um..." "I came to see you." " Me?" " Yes." "Your mother told meall about you and I thought it-- it might be nice if,um, we had a little visit." "I brought yousome homemade cobbler." "oh,la,la,la,la,la right here.Follow the doughnut,people." "Hey,hey What's going on?" "Well,um,ed bet tom thathe wouldn't eat a doughnut out of the toilet." "Isn't it disgusting?" "unh-unh!" "It's gottabe fully dunked." "Now,I don't want the glazeto repel the water." "Whoa,slight delay,people.I'm requesting a scrub down." "Does anybody know wherethey keep the toilet brush?" "Just for one second,okay?" "Just for one second." "Hey,I never thoughtI'd have to ask you this, but are you about to eat a doughnut out of the toilet?" "Yeah!" "For the galveston jewelersaccount." "I don't care!" "You're not gonna do this!" "Look,lynette, you're the one who told meto find a way to click with ed." "Well,now we've got our thing, and it's paying off for me!" "That's because ed gets offon humiliating you." "Please,don't do this!" "We're waiting,scavo!" "This is my moment." "so,caleb,besides your mother and brother, does anybody elseknow that you're here?" "No." "You're pretty." "thank you.That's very sweet." "So where have you been livingthis whole time?" "Upstairs?" "No." "I just moved upstairs." "My room's downstairs." "Downstairs?" "In the basement." "You wanna see it?" "Caleb,have you been down hereall these months?" "Yeah." "Did your mothermake you wear those?" "Most of the time." "Oh,my god!" "Sweetheart,I don't understand." "Why in the world wouldyour mother treat you that way?" "I hurt a girl." "A girl?" "Yeah." "And then she died." "Oh." "Her name was melanie." "She was pretty." "Just like you." "Hi." "I thought you should know,I'm getting married." "To the doctor?" "No!" "No." "Ha!" "No,to--to a gay guy." "How did you knowabout the doctor?" "People talk." "So you-- you're marrying a gay guy?" "I need health insurance, um,'cause I've gotthis wandering spleen and... that sounds funny, "spleen wandering," but... actually,it's not funny 'causeit can bang into things... so I need health insurance,so I'm getting married tomorrow." "And you probably thinkI'm crazy,right?" "Well... can it wait?" "Um,the surgery?" "No." "It can't wait." "I guess it's really not that crazy." "how you doin',ma'am?" "Susan,can you justgive me a minute?" "Oh,yeah.No,I'm sorry." "I--that was really... it." "What do you want?" "It's not what i want,delfino." "It's whatnoah taylor wants." "Where's his grandkid?" "You know,let's skip the part where you don't knowanything about anything." "Mr. Taylor wants to chat." "What if I say no?" "Then I've gottafind the kid myself, and my guess is,he or she issomewhere around here close." "Your old girlfriend-- she's got a daughter,right?" "Maybe I should startby paying her a visit... her daughter's not the one." "Yeah,well,given your track record," "I might wanna check that outfor myself." "Tell him I'll be therein the morning." "Oh!" "So pretty." "You like nice things?" "that's why I think you're stupid, for not wanting to stay here." "You could be around my nice things all the time, taking care of them... how fun would that be?" "Well,I'm sure it's a lotmore fun than you'd have in that tiny,godforsaken village of yours." "You know,we're probably more alike than people would guess." "I'm from a small town,too." "My folks had nothing." "That's why I love america." "Anything is possible." "Oh... hmm,you like that?" "No." "An old,fat stockbrokergave this to me." "It's not worth anything.You can have it." "Oh... oh!" "It's okay.Glad you like it." "You can brush my hair." "Oh!" " Hi." " Hi." "Uh,this is the besti could do on such short notice." " Okay." " Okay." "Oh,uh,susan,this is,uh,my best man,steven." "He's also my life partner." "Oh,hi.It's nice to meet you." "I'm sorry you have cancer." "Cancer?" "Isn't that the pointof this whole charade?" "Gary saidyou needed insurance." "Oh,yes." "No,no,I do need insurance." "I just don't have cancer.I have A... wandering spleen." "I saidit was like cancer." "Is there a problem?" "No.No,everything's fine." "Uh,let's just go to the chapel." "Shall we?" "I made a wedding cake." "I hope you enjoy it." "Oh!" "Uh... so... are we ready to get started?" "Oh,do you havea thing to play music?" "I had steven burn a little wedding mix for us,." "for ambience" "Sure,just,um,give me a sec" "do you have a problem?" "You said she was sick." "She is." "She has a wandering spleen." "It sounds nothing like cancer." "It doesn't even sound real." "Well,it is." "I-I could die." "You look fine to me,honey." "Don't do this." "I have asked you six times to fly with me to holland to get married, and you always havesome la me excuse." "But the second some chick witha silly disease comes along, well,you drop everythingand head for a chapel." "Oh,no,it's a serious illness." "See,it just sounds silly'cause of the word "spleen."" "What do you want from me?" "I want you to worryabout my feelings half as much as you worry about your mother's!" "What is it gonna taketo make you happy?" "Not go through with the wedding?" "Is that what you're asking?" "Oh,oh!" "No,no,stop right there." "Okay,I would love to see you two crazy kids get hitched in holland more than anyone, with the tulips and the clogs,in front of a windmill,the whole shebang." "But unless I get this surgery, my spleen is going to slam straight into my heartand explode." "So,you know,seeingas I am just a nice person and I always support gay rights,let's just do this." "And then I'll havea husband and insurance." "Nobody gets hurt." "Steven,why...steven!" " it's just..." " yeah." "I'm so sorry." "My hands are tied." "I'm really sorry." "Steven,wait." "Steven... where are you going?" "what's love got to do,got to do with it?" "Ah,finally gotthe sound system working." "Where's the groom?" "Hey,susie Q." "What's wrong?" "For a newlywed,you don't havemuch spring in your step." "I didn't get married." "Really?" "We got to the altar, but the whole fake wedding thingsort of imploded." "Wow." "I'm sorry." "I still don't haveinsurance." "I need to getthat operation." "I'M..." "I'm really screwed." "well... why don't I justmarry you?" "What?" "I've gota fantastic health plan." "You'd be coveredinstantly." "But... we wereactually married." "Look,susie,I've always felt awful about walking out on youthe way I did." "And I figure,if we do this," "I'd basicallybe saving your life." "I figure I owe you one." "Karl... so what do you say?" "Will you marry me,susan mayer?" "again?" "What the hell?" "cool!" "what are we gonnado about edie?" " We can't tell her." " She'd kill us both." "Yeah,it'll beour little secret." "We've really enjoyedhaving you as a guest." "Right,gaby?" "Absolutely." "Xiao-mei,you are a very special girl, so... so you take care,okay?" "Oh!" "hanks forall your help,carlos." "my pleasure,father." " Bye-bye." " Ladies?" "please don't tell me you're crying just because you can'thave the maid you want." "Carlos,she wouldn'thave been just a maid." "She would have been the best damn maid ever." "God,you're pathetic." "Shut up." "hey, something's going on." "is there a problem?" "Well,xiao-mei doesn't wantto go back to china." "She wants to stay hereand work for you." "What?" "Why?" "she says mrs." "Solistreated her with more kindness than she's ever known." "She now thinks of you twoas family." "Oh,really?" "Oh,of courseyou can stay!" "Oh!" "gaby... carlos,she thinks of us as family." "I'm ready to hearthose farm fresh concepts." "Conference room in five... toilet boy!" "you are so not allowedto complain to me." "I know." "You were right,okay?" "So now I'm known throughout the advertising worldas "toilet boy."" "Tell him you're donewith the games." "You don't wanna playanymore." "No,no,no,I can'T.I can'T." "If I back down now,he'll see itas a sign of weakness." "Look, this is the way that guys do business.But-- so you called it." "He made mehis bitch." "Come on." "Here you go.Oh." "You know,ed,I've been thinking." "We've had a lot of fun and gamesaround here lately, but maybe it's time to set a slightly moreprofessional tone in the office." "Oh,I get it." "Somebody went runningto mommy,didn't he?" "Huh?" "What?" "Tom loses a few bets, so he tries to get his wifeto make me back off?" "Oh,this is so alpha tau." "I am gonna make him pay." "No." "No,you're notgonna make him pay." "You are gonnastop this now." "This is my company." "If people wanna work here,they play by my rules." " Ed!" " What?" "I'm calling you out." "Huh?" "Yes,you're right." "This is your company,so I'll play by your rules." "What do I have to do to get youto stop this frat boy crap?" "Shave my eyebrows?" "Come to work naked?" "Name your stakes." "I don't have time for this." "Aw,what's wrong,ed?" "You afraid a phi kapp'sgonna get beaten by a girl?" "Come on,big man... it's just a little bet." "As you know,I thinkthat making the workplace fun is good for morale." "But lynette here thinksthat our shenanigans have gottena little out of hand." "oh,hold on." "Hold on." "I respect lynette's work ethic." "So we've decidedto settle the matter with a little testof intestinal fortitude." "If she can eat 1 pound of our client's fine,farm-fresh pork product, raw... there'll be a moratoriumon wagering in the office." "oh,oh!" "I knowyou are doing this for me." "You don't need to do this." "I don't need you fighting my fights." "I am not fighting your fights." "This is my fight this is how guysdo business,right?" "While we're young." "no shame in defeat,lynette." "No shame at all." "oh,she's gonna do it." "ohh!" "oh,yes!" "oh!" "oh,this is too much." "oh!" "what?" "She took the bet." "What?" "This is fun,people." "she's got one more." "so... can this be a placeof business again,ed?" " No more games?" " Sure." "You sucked all the funout of it anyway." "that was really something." "Thanks." "Could you scrounge me upa bucket?" "Caleb saida nice,red-haired lady came to visit him." "Come on in,betty." "Get you a drink?" "This is nota social call,bree!" "Did you or did you not breakinto my home and talk to my son?" "Caleb and I had,uh,a very lovely chat." "Yes." "if you evercome near him again, there will be hellto pay." "Do you understand?" "Aren't you gonna ask mewhat we talked about?" "The name,um... melanie foster came up." "I'm gonna pour youa drink now,betty, because we're about to havea very honest discussion, and I think you're gonnaneed a little help getting through it." "his name's zach young." "He lives with his father." "Mother committed suicideabout a year ago." "How did he end upwith these people?" "How do you think?" "Dierdre was strung out,noah.She gave him up." "I wanna see this boy." "Well,he's gota new family now." "I can't just snap my fingersand get him in here." "Maybe not,but I can snap my fingers, and detective sullivan can make it happen." " You don't wanna do that." " No?" "Is that reallythe way you wanna meet him-- have that thug drag him in hereso grandpa can give him a hug?" "Fine." "You bring him.I'll give you two days." "As you know,I'm on a bitof a clock here." "When caleb was born, and the doctors discovered that he was different," "I didn't even cry." "It was the most painful moment of my life." "I didn't shed a single tear." "I just thought to myself,what's the point?" "He is my son, and I haveto raise him as best I can." "Now that's my job." "In a lot of ways,I feel so blessed." "Caleb is challenged, but he has such a sweet nature." "I'm sure you noticed thatwhen you came to visit." "Yes,I did." "I also noticed that you had himchained in the basement." "That's becauseof melanie foster." "Melanie was a girlthat matthew dated." "She was a debutante." "And liketypical teenagers, their relationshipwas full of drama." "They were always breaking upand getting back together and breaking up." "One night,after oneof their big blow-ups, caleb somehow convinced melanie to meet him downat our local lumberyard." "I can only imagine thatshe thought he was bringing some kind of apology from matthew but he wasn'T." "Caleb told melanie he was in love with her, and thatif he was her boyfriend, he would neverbreak up with her... and she laughedin his face." "He tried to show herhe was serious by kissing her... and she hit him." "He doesn't remember a lotof what happened after that,but he-- he does know thathe got very,very angry,and... and that there was an axlying on the ground nearby him." "Yes, my caleb killed melanie, but I couldn'tlet him go to jail... or worse,be put down, for what was really my crime." "Your crime?" "It was my responsibility." "I was supposedto protect him from himself." "I am his mother." "That was my job." "The world is filled with unlikely friendships." "How do they begin?" "With one person desperately in need, and another willing to lend a helping hand." "When such kindness is offered..." "We're finally able to see the worth of those we had previously written off." "And before we know it... a bond has formed, regardless of whether others can understand it." "Yes,unlikely friendships start up every day." "No one understands this more than the lonely." "In fact, it's what they count on."