"♪ Yo, here at Davis/Dexter I'm the CFO ♪" "♪ I'm the one who counts the money ♪" "♪ Makes the profits grow. ♪" "Previously on House of Lies..." "It's Kaan and the associates!" "If you make an end run around the CEO and go to the board, it's gonna look like you're gunning for his job." "I am trying to save Teddy from his own lousy business plan." "Wow." "I could really get used to this." "I mean, I feel the same way." "She's an Instagram lifestyle personality." "Ugh." "Ow, ow, ow..." " Ah..." " My back, my back..." "Just... can we..." "I can't breathe." " Oh!" " Oh..." "Oh..." "Oh, fuck." "Fuck." " I'm going..." " Fuck!" "I'm gonna go get a bottle of water." "Do you want anything?" "Every... inch" " of my body..." " Uh." "Is so... depleted." "Um..." "So green juice, or...?" " Yeah, I'll-I'll get you green juice." " Yeah." "Mm." "I don't know how much more of this shit I can take." "Who the fuck are you?" "!" " Whoa!" " Like I give a gnat's dick who you are." " What?" " You sick motherfucker, breaking into people's apartments, running around half-naked," " taking the green juice, huh?" " You're in my apartment!" "Wait a minute!" "Calm down!" "Yeah, yeah, now you sweatin' it, huh?" "What are you talking about?" " No, you gonna be in a world of pain." " I'm..." "Wait a minute!" "Hey!" "I'm joking." "Marty, right?" "What the fuck?" "Hey." "Oh..." "Did I wake you?" "I'm sorry, baby." "Oh, oh, he gets the sorry?" "Oh, come on, that was funny." "Yeah, w-what part of that was funny?" "I see you've been getting acquainted with my friend." "Don't you just love the way he talks?" "The man's been fucking me six ways from Sunday, but yeah, we're "friends."" "Well, it's that hot yoga." "Got the old flex back in my hips." " Ooh..." " Please stop talking like that." "Thank you, hot yoga." "That's where we met." "We were in boat pose, sweat was pouring off of us, and Rita says, um..." "What was that you said, baby?" ""Cheap ass yogis." ""You know this is just about not ponying up for air-conditioning."" "Oh, I get..." "Yeah, because..." " they just cheap." "They cheap." " Just cheap, that's right!" " They cheap." "No, I get it." " That's it!" "Right, right, right, right!" "I told you he'd get it." " Yeah, he got it." " Yeah." "I almost peed on myself just listening." "Yeah." "It's not just your dad, either." "A lot of people think I'm funny." "Oh, you should try it out on the street." "Mm, you're more than that, baby." "Mm?" "Come on back to bed, let me show you." " Oh..." "All right." " Yeah, take it back in there." "Come on." "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm." "All right, good night, Dad." "Good night, son." "Yeah, good night, Groucho." "Come on." "I'll show you downward dog." "Jesus." ""Shoot for the moon, but gently:" ""You don't want a star caught in the crossfire." "♪ Make-love-not-war."" "Hey, Klare?" "Mm-hmm?" "What do you say we, uh... put the phone down for a second?" "Mm-hmm." "Far away look." "♪ uptempo music ♪" "From what I'm hearing, they're weeks, possibly days away from submitting to the FDA." "Fucking Novax." "Their only strategy is follow the fucking leader." ""Davis/Dexter's top seller is an arthritis drug." "Lightbulb!" "Let's make an arthritis drug."" "People know and trust Keltroxin." "Novax's new drug isn't gonna change that." "Yeah, if they substantially reduce their price point, we might get dinged, and even if they end up leapfrogging us..." "You think Novax is gonna leapfrog us?" "No." " No..." " Our revenues are currently $6 billion dollars more than theirs." "Yeah, sorry, that's not what I meant." "I-I'm attempting to reassure you." "I'm doing a very bad job." "What I mean is, even if" "Novax leapfrogs us, which is unlikely, no one can justifiably lay that at your feet," "as long as we continue to innovate our product line." "Hello?" "Oh, and when we greet Teddy," "I assume it's in an order commensurate with our status within the firm," " so it'll go Marty, then me..." " No." "And-and..." "I am so sorry." "What's your name again, sport?" "Ha, ha, ha..." "We both know why you got the promotion, Clyde." "Marty's tougher on me because he cares more." "Oh, McFly." "Are you the CMO or a fucking toddler?" "Do you want me to hold your widdle hand through this?" "Who spit on Teddy's crumpet?" "He's taking the Novax news hard." "And I suppose you poured gasoline on the fire." "Oh, no, is gasoline an accelerant?" "Jeannie, I think that you are underestimating just how big of a chicken shit your boy Teddy is." "That is why we are softening the target." "Are you forgetting how much afterwork is gonna land in your lap when Davis/Dexter shifts to a research-based paradigm?" "Are you forgetting that if he doesn't bite, we're not gonna have any fucking afterwork?" "What are you doing?" "I'm looking for your clit." " Oh..." " I think it's..." "I get it, 'cause I'm a pussy." "Well, good luck finding that." "Am I right, fellas?" "Doug, do you not know where the clit is?" "Like I give a shit." "Listen, I know we're not undeniable yet, Marty, but no risk, no reward." "Right?" " Who's buzzing?" " Oh, that's me." "Oh, Klare with a "K,"" " it's a new post." " Oh." "So you set alerts for those now?" "She really makes me think." " Yeah." " She's like..." "Buddha, if Buddha's observations came with sexy shots of himself cresting Runyon Canyon in booty shorts." "I feel like Buddha really dropped the ball on that." "Probably why he has, like, a hundred Insta-followers." " That's not that many." " It's so few." "He could have way more; he's Buddha." "It's so good." ""Magic breathes in she who loves herself" ""with her entire heart and soul." " Wow." " "♪magic, ♪love," "♪self ♪self-love..."" "There are not that many hashtags." ""♪be-your-own-David-Blaine..." I'm not done." ""♪angel ♪CrissAngel" "♪ sawn-in-half."" "Hi." " I can come back." " No, no, no." "We are leaving." "Gentlemen." "Marty, "exiting one room" ""necessarily leads to entering another." " ♪opportunity." " I've read this one." ""♪life-is-a-giant-house" " ♪don't-give-up." - ♪don't-give-up!" "I love it!" "Okay, okay." "Hilarious." "Hi." "Hi." " Hi." " Hi." "Uh... um..." " I need to tell you something." " 'Kay." "Uh..." "Oh, my God." "Are you breaking up with me?" "No." "No, no, no." "No, I'm not." "I... no." "Okay, then what?" "I filed a sexual harassment claim against you." "What?" "I told Human Resources that you forced me into a sexual relationship." "Why would you..." "What?" "Jeannie, this is... not about you, not entirely." "I mean, you, me, us... it's... been great." " Right?" " Yeah." "I mean, you are a power pack of fun." "Uh..." "I need to start thinking about my future." "You know?" "I mean, they're gutting my department..." "Okay, I'm the CFO of the company." "No one's firing you while I'm the CFO." "That's the thing." "Feeding the corporate monolith?" "Remember how I told you I wanted to be a teacher?" "Right?" "Well, this will give me the financial cushion to chase that dream, right?" "I can, I can teach kids now." " Ethics?" " Chemistry." "Oh." "Okay." "Zing." "Look, they will pay me off to keep quiet." "You will have to attend some sensitivity training." " No big whoop, right?" " Oh, my God." "I mean, really, the only loser here, the only loser, is Davis/Dexter." "And they can take the hit and they're evil as fuck anyway." "Jeannie, and then maybe, you know, maybe a couple of months down the road," " you and I..." " Fuck you, you fucking asshole!" "Hey, I didn't have to tell you this." "I didn't want you to feel blindsided." "Get out of my office, Mark." " Get out!" " Okay." "I'm..." "I'm going." "Oh..." "Mark?" "Mark?" "I can appreciate how, in theory, this might have seemed like a good idea." "But now that you're witnessing my reaction, you can understand that it's not." "Um... go to HR and tell them that you made a mistake." "'Cause I know you are a decent guy who understands that this isn't right." "If my comps are accurate," "I'm looking at a seven-figure payout." "Jeannie, they'd like to see you in Human Resources." "Jeannie van der Hooven." "Chief financial officer at Davis/Dexter." "It was consensual." "He was absolutely into what we were doing." "How can I be sure?" "Maybe it was the provocative way he dressed." "How many times?" "I don't know." "A lot." "He was my boyfriend." "Don't give me that look." "He was my boyfriend." "Yes, I texted him that I love sucking his cock." "I even texted him that I heart his cum." "Because I am the best goddamn girlfriend anyone has ever had." "He told me to punch him in the face." "I didn't make him watch me masturbate." "They weren't "soiled."" "Yes, I'd worn them." "One time I called him my little bitch." "Yes, I said I was gonna fuck him in the ass with a strap-on." "But I said it as a joke, not a threat." "He wanted to turn on John Wick, and I said," ""If you do, I'm gonna fuck you in the ass with a strap-on."" ""Phoebe misses you." "Any chance you can stop by and play with her this aftern..."" "Phoebe is my daughter, not my vagina." "I think we're done." "♪ Midtempo music ♪" "Doug?" "!" " Hi." " Oh, hi." "Wow." " Fancy seeing you here." " Yeah." "It's funny running into you outside the dungeon." "I know." "Uh, the wha..." "Huh?" "Uh..." "Marty, Clyde, this is Sabretha." "Sabretha is a halfling cleric from the jungle continent of Xen'drik." " Oh." "Yeah, sure." " Okay, sure." " That's not her real name or species." " Doug and I play in a weekly Dungeons and Dragons game together." "Yeah, I'm her DM." "Again, we're gonna need more explanation." "Yeah." "To know more..." "Yeah." " Her Dungeon Master." "Yeah." " Whoa." "Tess is new to DD, but, uh, she's really improving." "Mm, he's being kind." "I completely shit the bed last game." " No." "You..." "It wasn't that bad." " I..." "I..." " It was shit." " I have to tell you." " You don't." " It was, um, long story short." " Yeah." " So a rogue was picking a lock." " Can it get any shorter?" " I'll try." "Uh, and Sabretha was meant to be laying low, casting spells." " Oh, my God." " Sure." "Well, uh, somebody had other ideas." "Okay..." "She got impatient, she kicked the door down, ended up waking the owlbears." " Not the owlbears." " Yeah." " The owlbears." "Do they sound like owls or bears?" " Well, that's a great question, uh..." " Uh, Jeannie." "This is Sabretha." " Tess Symington." " Jeannie van der Hooven." "Hi." " Great running into you, Doug." " Yeah." "Bye, Tess." "All right, nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you as well." " Bye." " Bye." "Yeah, she's a sweet kid, but, uh, she's never gonna be much of a player." "Doug, she's huge." "Have you ever heard of Green Point?" "Farm-to-table, fast casual." "18 stores in the last five years." "Poised for a major expansion." "That... that is Tess Symington's company." "What?" "Holy shitballs." "Guess who's going to your Dungeons and Dragons game." "Uh... actually, Marty," "I would really like to close this one myself." "Uh, I'm ready to step up that part of my game." "I just need you to give me the opportunity." " Yeah." " Okay." " I'll be there at 8:00." " Fuck." "Clyde, will you..." "Put my balls in your mouth?" "What are you doing, Jeannie?" "No." "Pass me the menu?" "Ugh." "So you heard." " Just yesterday, our little Jeannie" " Mm." "Was the one being harassed." " Now she's the one doing the harassing." " Yeah." "You're all grown up." " Yeah, aw..." " Oh, I'm so proud of you." "I don't even know what he was thinking." "I mean, putting aside the fact that it's an entirely fucked up thing to do, it's not gonna amount to anything." "'Cause Teddy knows it's bullshit, and it's just a gigantic pain in the ass." " Oh no." " Mm." " What happened?" " When she says "ass," I feel threatened." " Yeah." " I heard "in the ass."" "I heard that, too." "Clyde, if I ever sexually harassed you, that would be the best day of your life." " Uh-oh, you all right?" " I don't know." "Shh, you're in a safe place." "Just calm down." "Okay, okay, okay." "Look, it's your first time filling out a character sheet." "I don't want you to beat yourself up." "Hey, Doug." "How about you just tell me what..." "I want you to answer a question for me, Marty." "Who are you?" "Okay." "I am Gadric Kedirith." "Uh, warlock." "Uh, my alignment is chaotic-neutral." "No, no, no, no." "My..." "No, no, no." "Stop wasting my time." "I didn't ask you what you are." "I asked you who you are." "Uh, d-do you see what you've done?" "You've created a character you think you're supposed to create, but, Marty, really, the best DD characters are personal." "They're extensions of ourselves, of who we are, who we want to be." "Our hopes and fantasies." "So come on, Marty." "Dig deep." "What do you dream about?" "Oof." "Okay." "Um, right now, I am dreaming about being the guy who is punching you right in the face." "That's great." "All right." "So for character traits, let's write down "combative,"" "uh, "short-tempered."" "Hey, Doug, dial it back a thousand, or I'm gonna punch you right in your fucking face." "Oh, this looks like fun." " Do you mind if I join in?" " I do." "My character is a dwarf with a mangy white beard, who's constantly sneezing, and I always whistle while I work." "I know this guy." "Okay, you know nothing, all right?" "Because dwarves are actually very strong fighters and incredibly adept at deflecting magic." "Not like those shitheads who hang out with Snow White." "Just sittin' there... piece of shit." "I'll fucking kill 'em." "So I dug a little deeper into Davis/Dexter's budget allocations, and you know their defendable ratio of RD to marketing?" " Not so defendable?" " Oh, no, no, no, no." "Those books are so cooked." "Every department has their hands in RD's pockets." "May I?" "Do tell." "I.T. built itself a server farm." "Marketing helped itself to some very cool TV spots." "And there was a Hawaiian boondoggle for the whole sales team and some very ethical doctors." "Huh." "Huh." "Davis/Dexter would take a serious PR hit if this were to become public knowledge, but, as citizens, we do have a duty to protect the civic interest." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "Doug, did you just smile at the word "duty"?" "No." " No?" " No." "Gentlemen, I believe we have found the final piece that makes us undeniable." " Sir Clyde." " Yeah." "Do you still have a friend at the Journal?" " Yes, sir." " Call him right away." "I will... just as soon as you call Klare," "♪ waiting," "♪ silence-is-not-golden," "♪ protect-your-heart." "And then about 30 ♪blesseds." "So I should call my guy." "Doug, I'm-a need a rough deck by tomorrow morning, you fucking nerd." "Uh, kind of have my hands full here, Clyde." "With a dragon?" "You know what, it might be a better allocation of resources if you did the decks." "What do you think, Marty?" "Yeah, that's a good idea." "Go handle it, Clyde." "I have tickets to see Tame Impala with Kelsey." "Oh, Tame Impala, geez." "Do they know anything about regression models?" " Maybe they could hook you up." " Yeah." "Tess represents a pretty big piece of business, Clyde." "You didn't even know who the fuck she was." "You know, I think unconsciously I did." " What the fuck does that mean?" " Yeah, I did." "Unconsciously you did?" "So you might want to, uh..." "Ticktock." "Come on, Marty." "Ticktock." "Marty, please, come on." " Tick-the-fuck-tock." " For real?" "♪ Slow music ♪" "Guessing you saw the Journal article." "It might not seem so at first glance, but this is a good thing." "It's actually a great thing." "The abuse predates you, which allows you to play the white knight, and... it'll give us more room to do what we really should be doing anyway:" "bringing research to the fore, leaving Novax in our wake." "Davis/Dexter made its name around innovation." "I believe in light of the article, the board will show the wisdom of reallocating its resources." "Great." "I will make sure Marty and his team are on the same page." "What's this?" "It's your letter of resignation." "And this is a joke?" "To ensure an orderly transition, your last day will be next Friday." "Everything Mark said is make-believe." "You-you and your wife had us over for dinner, for Christ's sakes." "Well, make-believe or not, there's always a swirl of drama around you." "Well, I didn't create this drama." "You opened the door to it." "A sociopath accuses me of sexual intimidation to rip off your company, and I create that drama?" "I spoke to Whip Huxton." "I know about your end run to the board, and your smudgy fingerprints are all over this leak." "I'm not an idiot, Jeannie." "Yes, you are." "That's precisely what you are." "I have worked my ass off to ensure our financial health and to ensure your future at this company, and neither of which would have happened if I had waited for the goddamn Cowardly Lion to mosey on down that yellow brick road." "I mean, I set you up for success, and you will be lauded as the bold visionary who returned Davis/Dexter to its roots." "So for that I'm being shown the door?" "Great." "I guess now you won't have to share the credit." "Well, what do you know?" "Maybe you're not an idiot." "So, the evil wizard Archumen has cast a powerful spell of pestilence over Celdur's Crossing." "Oh, shit." "My grandma lives in Celdur's Crossing." "It's cool though." "She's a raging bitch." "This guy, he kills me." "Archumen's also abducted the fair Princess Galiana, and secreted her to an unknown lair." "The four of you have been..." "It's not a craps table." "Okay?" "The four of you have been hired to track down Archumen and save the princess." "Aw, yeah, one of us is gonna get laid tonight." "So, Sabretha's bisexual now?" "With the right amount of mead, yeah." "Well, and it just so happens that I'm friends with a goblin who has a liquor store in a neighboring village, so I think I can hook that shit up." "Why would you be friends with a goblin?" "Jesus, Doug, where'd you find this guy?" "Shut the fuck up, Nathaniel." "Sorry, dude." "Now, the door leads to a small, dark room." "You trip over something." "It's a scabbard." "There's a sword in it." "I'll do a perception check." " And..." " The sword's safe." "Sabretha?" "I pick up the sword?" "Yes!" "Yes!" "That's perfect!" "I-I love that move!" " Thank you." " All right." "You see what I did?" "Everybody saw, okay?" "Okay, so now we find ourselves in a pleasant, but under-furnished home, still suffering the ravages perpetrated by the wicked she-bitch Sarah." "Easy, easy." "I'm okay." "Now, to the north, you'll find an area to wash up." "And to the east, a cheese platter from Ralphs, grudgingly purchased by Nathaniel." "You're welcome, Doug." "Cheapskate." "Uh, all right." "That just means snacks and a bathroom break?" "Yeah, see, now you're getting it." " Hey!" " Hey." "This is fun, right?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "You play DD as a kid?" "My brothers did." "I was a little too cool." "That's how I always felt about it." "But, you know, Doug said come check it out." "I thought what the fuck, you know?" "Yeah." "So are you trying to get into my pants or win my business?" "Because I don't believe for a second that you're here to play Dungeons and Dragons." "Okay." "Look, I got to tell you." "What you've been able to do at Green Point is pretty fucking amazing." "So it's business." "It's funny, because my friends have been urging me to bring on some big brain consultant." "And look at that, he's standing right in front of you." "This is kismet." "Yeah, except I'm not really feeling the whole big brain part." "I mean..." "Come on, I made a couple rookie mistakes." "You jumped into a river with a full suit of armor on and drowned." "He sank like a stone." "Is what he did." "Oh, my God." "How about when he tried to pick a lock while you were getting your butts kicked by that band of orcs?" "What a fustercluck." "Oh, man, right?" "Yeah, you know what?" "Tess and I are having a conversation." "Why don't you, uh...?" "Or what, Marty?" "You'll, uh, you'll attack me with a crossbow while possessing a plus-two in dexterity?" "You know what?" "In my long history with this game, I-I can really only think of one other player who was that abysmal." " Really?" " Yeah, oh, yeah." "And, uh, I don't want to mention names, but, uh," " "Blank" of the D'Urbervilles." " Uh-oh." "Okay, this was a lot more fun, when we were railing on Marty." "You're also not yet 30, and you own a company that's brought in over $100 million dollars in revenue." "Because as it turns out, you can suck at a game, but be killing it in business." "Look, Tess, there are a lot of good consultants, but Marty?" "Marty's a mad genius." "Look, Green Point's at a critical juncture." "But with Marty's guidance, you could end up a billionaire." "Or do you not want to end up a billionaire?" "Don't tell him, don't tell him what I was gonna say!" " Hey." " Oh, hey, Marty." "Uh, Jeannie's in the other room feeding the baby." "And we are on our way to Angeles Crest Highway to watch the meteor shower." "Really?" "At 11:45, huh?" "Your dad's strict." "Yeah!" "And these aren't mine, sir." "I'm holding them for a friend." "Don't worry." "I'll have Jeremiah home by 2:00, Mr. Kaan." "I know it's a school night." "Well, thank you, young lady." "Being vegetarian isn't enough." "I mean, stealing their eggs and their milk, it's all part of this unacceptable system of the exploitation of animals." "Okay, well, here's the thing." "Phoebe is still only nursing so currently the only animal she's exploiting is me." "Here you go, here." "Okay, well, when she's old enough," "I mean, animals are sentient creatures." "They're deserving of life and freedom." "That's so heavy." "You know what?" "While you're on your animals soap box, you may want to consider getting rid of your lipsticks and your Vuitton satchel." "You know, I just might do that." " Uh-huh, I don't believe you." " Mm-hmm." "How was Dungeons and Dragons?" "It was amazing." "Thank you for asking." "Not only did we reel in the client, but we also saved the widdle princess." "Marty Kaan rescuing a princess?" "That seems a little out of character." "Wait, was she a stripper?" "Okay, yeah, go ahead, go get that stuff together." "I'll just toss it down the chute later, okay?" "Come on." "So Klare with a "K," lots of sad poses." "Some of them so sad she could barely bring herself to put clothes on." "Yeah, very funny." "Well, I think Klare and I might be taking a little break." "I did not see that coming." "Oh." "Yes, that's your evil, evil mommy." "So I'm sure you've heard I got fired today." "Apparently," "I create drama." " Mm." " Don't worry." "Teddy is still on board with the strategy, so don't blow your consult because of me." "Not that you would, but..." "Hey, Jeannie, don't, don't, don't worry about that stuff." "I don't you need to..." "Fuck, Marty." "I just feel like such a shit magnet." "You know?" "I'm probably just getting what I deserve." "You know, all this karma, it's just raining down on me now." "Hey, Jeannie." "Karma's bullshit, all right?" "Uh... ♪ fuck-karma," "♪ it's-not-your-fault," "♪ Mark-is-a-cunt," "♪ so-is-Teddy." "It's gonna be okay." "Don't worry about it." "Really?" "What?" "What?" "Your penis..." "Lovely as it is..." "Is not gonna solve this situation right now." "I don't know." "I wouldn't jump to conclusions." " I mean, it's-it's vegan now." " Oh, God." "So you're not gonna get fat off of it." "You're playing Dungeons and Dragons." "You got rejected by a girl." "You're, like, some headgear away from getting the shit beaten out of you in a John Hughes movie." "I'm sorry, I got to say" "I kind of liked it, playing DD." "Whatever, dork." "Bye, Phoebes." "Ladies and gentlemen," "Davis/Dexter's patent extension strategy is played out." "There just aren't enough drugs in the pipeline to keep re-patenting." "And with the RD improprieties, the inevitable PR backlash makes putting a new line of drugs into the pipeline even more crucial to Davis/Dexter's long-term security." "Douglas." "Of course, now we've identified several prospects currently in development." "Next-gen antibiotics, immunotherapies, and some potentially ground-breaking advances in the soon-to-be huge market of food allergy drugs." "By fast-tracking these projects," "Davis/Dexter's future growth is all but assured." "That is, of course, unless someone beats them to market." "Someone like you fine folks here at Novax." "But, uh, you didn't hear that from me." "Hear what?" "This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." "Yeah, right." "Thank you very much." "Thank you." " Well done." " Thank you." "Appreciate it." "Say thank you." "Why?" "Because I'm a fucking mad warlock genius." "Just say thank you." "No." "I heard the pitch to Teddy went well." "Oh, it did, it did." "But not quite as well as the pitch went to Novax." "Marty." "Gling!" "They expressed their gratitude with a big ol' check." "You know what, let's... let's get the fuck out of Dodge." "I'm here till next Friday." ""Next Fri..."?" "Jeannie?" "Fuck next Friday!" "Fuck these guys." "Okay, fuck 'em." "♪ Started on the wrong track, wouldn't change that ♪" "♪ No, I wasn't made for the plow ♪" "♪ Where you gonna run, boy, now?" "♪" "♪ Where you gonna run, boy?" "♪ Stare at my reflection, he's a dark twin ♪" "♪ And he's calling me to the ground ♪" "♪ Where you gonna run, boy, now?" "♪"