"Sure is a beauty." " It's all yours, Iolaus." " But we both worked on it." "I'll get the next one we make." "How does that sound?" "Well, to tell you the truth..." "it's the best idea you ever had." "That was... pretty good." "Thanks." "You know, all it takes is a little practice, nerves of steel, and a knife so perfectly forged..." "What in the name of Hades do you think you're doing?" " Syreena." " Iolaus." "Did you do that?" "I was practising with my new knife." "Hercules and I..." " This is my house." " Your house?" "I thought it was abandoned." " We moved in yesterday." " We?" "You haven't heard?" "I'm married now." "Oh, great." "Who's the lucky guy?" "Tremulus." "MAN:" "Syreena, are you gonna help me or not?" "I gotta go." "He's so cute when he needs me." "Bye, Iolaus." "Just take it easy on my house, OK?" "Maybe I should use this knife to slit my wrists." "Come on." "Haven't you heard the old saying?" " There's plenty of fish in the sea." " Yeah." "Somewhere, the perfect woman awaits you." "There she is." "That's her." "Let's go." "Let's do it." "MAN:" "Gotta do better than that!" "I'll take care of her." "Pathetic!" "If you can't learn to fight better than that, then you're never gonna defeat Hercules." "And I want him dead." "This is the story of a time long ago." "A time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering." "Only one man dared to challenge their power-Hercules." "Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart." "He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods." "But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules." "Hercules!" "Hercules, you're working too hard." "Mother, I must do something to make up for never being around." "How about stopping for a picnic?" "I'd rather have your company than this wall." "Well, what if I give you both?" "You certainly know how to make your mother happy." "You really do spend too much time worrying about me." "The wall..." "If it keeps you from being hurt just once, it's worth every drop of sweat I put into it." "I still don't think the world's that bad." "besides, Iolaus looks in on me whenever he can." "He is a good man." " But a lonely one, I'm afraid." " Hm." "You see it too?" "It's his eyes that touch my heart." "There's no joy in them." " You think he needs a woman in his life?" " Do you disagree?" "With you?" "No, I'm too smart for that." "I won't be far away, Xena." " Do you doubt I can take care of myself?" " No, but what if..." "You'll know when I need you, Theodorus." "I don't wanna see you before then." "Very well." "There, there." "It's not so bad." "You'll be OK." "Need any help?" "Stay away." "Hey, take it easy." " Give me a reason to." " Come on." "Do I look dangerous?" "Looks can be very deceiving." "If you wanna stay and threaten every good Samaritan who comes along, fine." "But I'll gladly help you get to the village." "Are you sure that's what you really wanna do?" "Put down the knife, and I'll be glad to." "Oh..." "Sorry." "What's the matter?" "Running out of monsters to slay?" " Not if my mother's wall counts." " Is it tougher than the Nemean Lion?" "The blisters on my hands say it is." "Yeah, thanks a lot." "All right." "Here you go." "How about a toast to fate for bringing us together?" "Excuse me." "Look what the cat dragged in." "Weren't you gonna help me with my mother's wall?" " Oh, yeah." " Uh-huh." "I'm sorry, I forgot." "Something came up." "I'm sure it did." " I'm Xena." " Hello, Xena." "I'm..." "This is my best friend in all the world, that's who he is." "But does he have a name?" "What?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "This is Hercules." "Is everyone you know so famous?" "Famous?" "Him?" "What are you talking about?" "Iolaus, you're such a comedian." "He certainly is." "Until it's time to get down to business." " I wouldn't want anyone else on my side." " I had a feeling he was like that." "My horse had gone lame out in the countryside when Iolaus found me, and he made sure I got here without anyone else bothering me." "Uh-huh." "He never lets you down." " I'll have to remember that." " He won't let you forget." "So, if he is gonna talk about himself all night, should we do it over dinner?" "Are you interested?" "Yeah." "Oh, I think I'd be better off trying to look for a soft, warm bed." "Think you could help me one last time?" "Yeah, uh, I think that can be arranged." " See ya." " Uh-huh." "The last time I saw him, he was walking out of the inn with a big dumb smile on his face." "And that was a week ago." "What's he doing, anyway?" "You fathered three children." "You shouldn't have to ask." "That's not what I'm talking about." "I don't get to see much of Iolaus, except when we're in life-and-death situations." "I hoped we could do something normal this time." "You know, like..." "I don't know." "Hunt, fish, whatever." "Talk." "I know you enjoy spending time with him, but where love and humans are involved, you never know what to expect." "He knows nothing about Xena." "What if she has a jealous husband?" "What if she's the best possible cure for his loneliness?" "Until you find out otherwise, you should just be happy for him." "OK, OK." "You're right... again." "I'll just be here building the wall... by myself." "What's wrong?" "I don't want you to fall in love with me." "It may be too late." "Have you thought about that?" "I hoped I'd be the one to go away with a broken heart." "You don't have to go away I want you here." "I know you do." "And I'd stay if it didn't mean I was letting somebody else down." "You never spoke about another man." "Not one man." "Many of them." "And women and children, too." "They're under siege by a warlord named Petrakis." "He's trying to drive them out of the Arcadian highlands." "I'm building an army of defend them." "That's why you were travelling with so many weapons." "You're a warrior." "I used to think I was, but now I know that no matter how hard I fight, I cab't beat Petrakis by myself." "I need help." " You came to get Hercules, didn't you?" " Yes." "But I found you." "Then I should be the one you ask for help." " I can't do that." " Why?" "Cos Hercules is the warrior and I'm some meaningless jester?" "No, it's becuase it wouldn't turn my life upside down if he got hurt or even killed." " But if something happened to you..." " Nothing is gonna happen to me." "You're not gonna take no for an answer, are you?" "No." "I'm afraid you're stuck with me." "I like it like that." " Enough." " But it's been so long." "Better to go without than to share a bed with Hercules' friend." "I'll kill any man who touches you." " No, Theodorus." "Kill Hercules." " You'd let me have that honour?" " If you think you're worthy." " You know I am." "Then take this." "It'll make you strong in battle and return you safely back to me." " Xena..." " Go." "Make me proud." "I will." "I swear it." "Hey, it's looking good." "I wish it was looking finished." "Where are you going?" "We're going to rid my people of the warlord Petrakis." " I've never heard of him." " From what Xena says, the whole world will if he isn't stopped in Arcadia." " Is there anything I can do?" " No!" " I'm just offering my help." " Iolaus is all the help I need." "You know how I feel about him." "He's the best." "That's why he's with me." "If it turns out that you do need me, I'll be there for you." "Yeah, I know you will." "But, uh..." "Listen, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about Xena." " She's worth whatever risk it takes." " Then you're lucky she's in your life." "Come on, Iolaus!" "IOLAUS:" "Come on." "Good luck, my friend." "( Creaking )" "You know, a true warrior attacks from the front." "My commander says you attack from whatever side suits you." "So he's a coward too." "Ha!" "You'd better try something else." "With pleasure." "Me and my big mouth." "Enjoy this while you can." " I'm still enjoying it." "Disappointed?" " As a matter of fact, yes." "Why did you attack me?" " Love." " Whose love?" "Xena..." "I'm sorry I failed you." "Xena?" "Why do you think it's her?" "There must be lots of Xenas in the world." "The warrior who attacked me was wearing Xena's medallion." "That still doesn't explain him trying to kill you." "He loved her, and he wanted to prove it." "Are you sure that's why he died?" "He didn't just die, Mother." "Xena sent him on a suicide mission." " But there's no reason for that." " Yes, there is." "He was the bait." "Now Xena expects me to go after Iolaus and walk into whatever trap she's laying." " That's what you're going to do?" " I have to." "Iolaus will think you're coming to steal his glory." "She will make sure of that." " You'll destroy your friendship with him." " Saving his life is more important." "Promise me you'll come back in one piece." "In one piece." "And with Iolaus." "In case you're still wondering, I really would rather go into battle with you." " You don't have to make me feel good." " Don't treat me like I'm a hypocrite." "I don't give a fig for Hercules, or his reputation." "Then you're the only one, Xena." "Maybe you and the rest of his adoring legion should take a closer look at him." "What's Hercules really fighting for?" "Go ahead, Iolaus, tell me." "He fights to help people." "He wants to stop slavery and injustice." "Oh, stop." "You're a grown man." "You're an honoured warrior, yet you believe the same lies as school children." "They're not lies." "I've seen the good that Hercules can do." "I've been there with him." "Then you should know that all Hercules is fighting for is to prove that he can succeed without Zeus, and to get revenge on Hera for killing his family." "He's selfish." "He's selfish right to the bone." "I don't need to hear this." "And I don't need to hear that Hercules should be here instead of you." "Fact is, I think you're a better man than he will ever be." "Or..." "This is beautiful country." "I can see why you're fighting to keep it." "You're gonna do more than see." "There." "They're part of Petrakis' legion." " What do you wanna do?" " Wipe them off the face of the earth." "I can't sit this one out." "It's that murdering warrior, Xena." "Watch out!" "Let's go!" "Quickly!" "XENA:" "Is this the best you've got?" "XENA:" "Bring it on!" "You know how to show a guy a good time." " Don't talk." "Fight!" " OK." " Don't let him get away!" " It's over, Xena." "Let him go." " What do you think you're doing?" " No!" "We won." "He's not coming back." "Yeah, I guess not." "You were great." "No, better than that." " You were amazing." " You don't have to say that." "It's true." "The only warrior I've seen who is as magnificent as you are is Hercules." " I'm honoured." " You deserve to be." "If you mean that, you won't try to stop me burning the wagon." "MAN:" "That's it, swing harder." "No, no, drive forward when you strike." "Watch this." "Come in low." "It's Xena!" " MAN:" "We were worried." " Give us some room." "Act like warriors." "Who's this?" "This is the man who gives us the power of defeat Petrakis." " I'm Iolaus." " He's Hercules' best friend, Estragon." "I've never seen a man better with a sword." "Show me that move where you knocked the sword from the soldier's hand." " Even though I didn't kill him with it?" " I can fix that." "So can you." "You've all got things to do." "We'll never defeat Petrakis if you just stand around." " MAN:" "Back to work." " As for you, come with me." "I didn't expect this from somebody who's treated like a hero." "You deserve what you get." "I deserve what I get." "I'm not gonna argue with you." "I saw the way you handled yourself in that fight." " Did I impress you?" " When a woman asks me for help," " I don't expect her to be so..." " Independent?" " Violent?" " Yeah." "And fearless, too." "Hard times breed hard people, Iolaus." "There's no avoiding that." "My father was killed in battle and so were all three of my brothers." "I won't be." "I admire your goal." "But somewhere there's a warlord who wants to keep you from achieving it." "If not Petrakis, then the next one who comes along." " You sound like you're worried about me." " I am." "It's not every day I meet a beautiful woman that wants to wash my back." "I will do more for you than that, Iolaus." "Much more." " You do this for all your warriors?" " Only special ones." " I hope there aren't too many of those." " Right now, there's just you." "( Knocking )" "Come back later!" "MAN:" "But Hercules is here." " Hercules?" " He must have followed us." "Why would he do that?" " Perhaps he doesn't trust me with you." " He shouldn't." "Or maybe he doesn't think you're man enough to help me." "I'd better go and see what he wants." " You're a long way from home, Hercules." " ( Laughter )" "Hello, Iolaus." "I didn't expect to see you here, Hercules." " I didn't expect to come." " You didn't have to." "I thought we agreed on that." "That was before Xena sent someone to kille me." "Don't talk that way about a brave woman." "There's nothing brave about sneak attack or the people behind them." "I think you better turn around and go home now, Hercules." " I was hoping you'd go with me." " No." " Even though she wants me dead?" " Where's your proof?" " My word should be enough for you." " If isn't." " Friendship doesn't count?" " Not when you poison it by coming here." "What are you talking about?" "You've got it wrong." " Get out." "We're through talking." " Afraid of what you'll hear?" " Get outta here!" " You haven't answered my question." "I think you lost this." "Goodbye, Iolaus." " MAN:" "It's him." "I can tell from behind." " Why don't you go ask him?" " WOMAN:" "It is Hercules." " What are you afraid of?" "Ask him." "Did you, uh... take care of her yet?" "I don't know who you're talking about." "Xena the Warrior Princess." "Who else?" "She wants to write her name across history in bloody letters." "She wants to wipe out everybody that's stopping her from conquering Arcadia." "If we don't give her all our crops and wares, she kills every man in sight." "We're ordinary people - farmers and mill hands, not warriors." " You have to help us, Hercules." " Come on, what do you say?" " WOMAN:" "Please." " MAN:" "Help us." " I'm sorry." " WOMAN 2:" "We need your help." "I just don't have the strength right now." "Excuse me." "MAN:" "Don't desert us, Hercules." " Hercules, wait!" " There's nothing more to talk about." "Oh, yes, there is." "Why don't we start with whatever it is you lost?" " You wanna tell me what it was?" " It wasn't a what." "It was a who." "The best friend I ever had." "Xena got him to fall in love with her and now she's turned him against me." "If your friend has looked into her past, he'd know that she was using him to get you here." "Once she has your head on her wall, she expects nobody to stand in her way." "Somebody else will have to be her trophy." "I'm going home." "I see." "A night's rest'd do you good." "I could put you up at my place." "If you like." " It's no trouble?" " If it was, I wouldn't have invited you." "The name's Petrakis." "The warlord?" "Take a closer look at me, son." "Do I look like a warlord to you?" " No, you don't." " No, of course not." "I'm a farmer, and an old one at that." "Xena doesn't care for the truth when she's trying to get someone into her clutches." "She takes my name and applies it to some imaginary madman who arose from Hades robbing shrines and murdering innocent people." "So she'll do anything to get what she wants." "And she wants everything." "And if she kills you, there'll be nothing to stop her." "If he was really your friend, he wouldn't have come here and tried to interfere." "I guess you're right, Xena." "It's just..." "I've never been on a different side to Hercules before." "You didn't let that stop you from standing up to him." "You were a true warrior." "If I was anything less, you wouldn't want me here." "You've turned out to be everything I thought Hercules would be." "But Hercules..." "I can be fierce and violent, Iolaus." "You've seen that for yourself." "But to hear Hercules say what he said..." "It was like having a dagger plunged through my heart." "I've ended my friendship with him." "Then you must be in pain too." "Not as long as I'm with you." "Come to bed when you're finished with your sword." "I'll be waiting." "He whimpers like a dog when I mention Hercules." " The he must die." " Not by your hand, Estragon." "And not by mine." "It's Hercules who must kill him." "But Hercules has gone." "Then it's our job to bring him back." "That is, if you think you're brave enough to ride with me." " You know I am." "But your strategy..." " A true warrior understands that you demoralise and weaken before you destroy." "When Hercules realises that he's killed his best friend, he'll be ripe for slaughter." " When do we go after him?" " At dawn." " And until then?" " Save your strength." "The most painful thing a parent can do is bury a child." "My only son lies in that grave." "He was barely 20 when he died at the hands of a Spartan." "But it was really Xena who killed him." "You mean he fell into the same trap my friend is in?" "I warned him." "Begged, pleaded, argued." "I even ran down the road after him the day he rode off, begging him..." "The one thing I didn't do was give up." "Is that what you think I'm doing, Petrakis?" "Giving up?" " You tell me." " Your son was a very young man." "Iolaus is an adult, capable of making his own decisions." " It's all right if those decisions kill him?" " You know it's not." "Then why are you letting him stay with that murdering harlot?" "She's a monster, just like the Hydra, and the Nemean Lion and the Stymphalian Bird." "You didn't walk away from fighting them, Hercules, and you can't walk away from fighting her." "You're right." "I can't." "Thank you." "( Horse Neighs )" "( Galloping )" "Xena?" "XENA:" "All right, Estragon." "Let's mount up." "Open the gates!" " ESTRAGON:" "There he is." " Sh." "Get back." "Who's there?" "If you don't show your face, I'm coming in there after you." " That won't be necessary." " Did Xena have a previous engagement?" "Even the mighty Hercules should show more respect than that." "For a murderer?" "A crazy woman whose only purpose in life is to kill and conquer?" " You're dead." " Not yet." "No more." "What did you say?" "I said I surrender." "Please don't kill me." "I'm not going to kill you." "Stand up." "What are you gonna do to me?" "Estragon!" " Is this what you do to all your warriors?" " Only those who don't follow my code." "It's Xena!" "What's happened to her?" "Are you all right?" " What happened?" " He killed Estragon, and tried to kill me." " Who did?" " Hercules." "He caught us by surprise, Iolaus." "I thought I was going to die." "Ambushing people, attacking women." "That's not the Hercules I know." "He must have gone crazy or something." "You'd know that if you saw what he did to Estragon." "Estragon shouldn't have been there with you." "I should have." "But then Hercules would have killed you." " You expect me to run away?" " Other men would." "Other men couldn't love you the way I do." "Do you mean that?" "Can you really put me in your life before Hercules?" "I did once." "I'm not gonna back down, Xena." "This time if different." "You must know that." "Yeah, I know." "If Hercules comes for you, I may have to... kill him." " Can you do that?" " Only for you." "Iolaus..." "I know you can defeat Hercules." "I know it in my soul." "You know the way Hercules fights." "You know all his moves." "You know all of his tricks." "You know all of his weaknesses." "The only one to do battle with Hercules when he arrives is Iolaus." "Do you understand?" "I don't care how quickly my little man dies or how painfully." "No one is to be out there until Iolaus is dead and Hercules is standing, staggered by the weight of what he's done to his best friend." "Then, and only then, do we move in to rid the world of the son of Zeus." "Do I make myself clear?" "Good." "And not a word about this to Iolaus." "If he knew what a sacrifice he was going to make, he might have second thoughts." "He's here." " I can't believe you'd show up here." " My fight's with Xena, not you." "Don't push me aside!" "You attacked Xena and killed the warrior with her." " Is that what she told you?" " Get a weapon." "She's using you to get to me." "Quit talking and get a weapon!" "I'm giving you the chance you never gave Xena." " And what if I don't want it?" " You don't get off that easy." "What are you doing?" "Come on!" "Fight!" "Don't act like you're too good for me!" "I'm just trying to stay alive long enough for you to come to your senses!" "Yes." "Kill him, Iolaus." "Xena, keep your goons out of this!" "Are you going to use it?" "No." "This knife wasn't meant to draw your blood." "Come on, let's get it over with." "I'm not going to kill you." " I was gonna kill you." " Were you?" "Get them." " We'll talk about this later." " XENA:" "Kill them both!" "Hercules, behind you!" "Let's get out of here!" "Hercules!" "MAN:" "Let's get outta here!" "Aren't you gonna say goodbye?" "Ha!" "You haven't heard the last of me, Hercules!" "You know, you could've caught her... if you hadn't saved me." "You're a little more important than she is." "I don't know which hurts worse - my head, or knowing how stupid I was." "It helps to know what you're fighting for before you start fighting." "This where the lecture starts?" "It could be." "But it won't." "You know, if you really wanna lecture me, it should be about the kind of woman I'm attracted to." "After Xena, you'd be better off with a black widow." "Maybe I'll just give up women altogether." " I think it would be a good idea." " Yeah..." "Wait a minute." "It seems like a lot for red-blooded man like you to walk away from." "You're right." "Only next time, give me a woman that wants to kill me with kisses." "( Both Laughs )" "Captioned by Grantman Brown"