"(dramatic piano intro music)" " Today we're gonna talk about Ben Franklin." "(dramatic patriotic music)" "The most frank, the most, the most, uh, discussed," "Franklin adventure, was the kite in the lightning storm." "He flew a kite in a lightning storm, and discovered electricity." "I believe," "Franklin, had his son, William," "prove this point." "Not himself." "William Franklin was a dick." "He was a kid who had a famous, rich father, who didn't give a shit about his father." "I believe Franklin was sitting down at dinner with William." "Franklin's fucking nuts at this point." "He says," ""Holy shit." "William." "There is a, a fucking lightning storm happening right now." "Outside." "(sniffs)" "Come with me."" "William's like, "What the fuck?"" "Franklin says, "I believe that thing in the sky is the same thing that happens when you touch metal after rubbing your feet on a carpet."" "William's like, "I will come with you only 'cause you're my dad." "I don't think you're right." "I don't think that electricity comes from nature."" "(music stops) When I was gonna throw up." " [Derek] Are you being serious?" " Yeah." " [Derek] Alright." "(chuckling)" " You can film me throwing up, if you want." "(Eric vomiting)" "(Eric coughs)" " Do you still wanna do this, or do you wanna go to bed?" " No, I wanna do this." " Okay." " I wanna get drunk, dude." "To Ben Franklin." " [Derek] To Ben Franks." "(glasses clink)" "(dramatic music starts again)" " William follows Ben Franklin out to a field, where Ben Franklin says," ""William, you are my bastard son." "Get a kite." "Tie a string to it." "Tie a key to the string." "And fly it in a fucking lightning storm."" "So William, not Ben," "William, took a kite, tied a string to it, with a spool," "and tied a fucking metal key to the string." "And flew it up in a lightning storm." "(music stops) I need to throw up and I'll come back." " [Derek] Okay." "(Eric vomiting)" " I got a lot of it out." "(clears throat)" "(Eric laughing)" " [Derek] Do you feel better, or do you..." " I feel a lot better." " [Derek] Oh, good." "(dramatic music begins again)" " William is flying a fucking kite in a lightning storm with a metal key attached to it." "The kite goes up and up and up and up, the string goes up and up and up and up." "Ben Franklin, is kinda sitting on the sidelines saying," ""Good job, William." "You're my kid." "You do what you think is right."" "Once that kite and that key become charged," "Franklin says, "William." "William." "Touch it."" "William's like, "What?" "Touch it?" "Touch metal?" "This light, this is fucking electricity, this is lightning." "You were right, (music stops) you proved your point." (glass falls over)" "Whoop, um." "(drink dripping on floor)" "(mumbling)" "No, no, it's okay." "It's okay." "(dramatic music starts again) Franklin says, "Touch the key." "Touch the key."" "William reaches out and touches the key, and a little spark." "And this proves to Franklin that," ""The same electricity that comes from rubbing your feet on a carpet, comes from the sky."" "(lightning crashing)" "This is, listen, this is what I think happened." "This isn't historically accurate, but I, it's what I think happened." "I don't believe that Ben Franklin would be reckless enough to throw a kite out into a lightning storm." "I think he would have his kid, who he didn't give a shit about, 'cause he was born from a prostitute." "I think he would have him go out in a lightning storm with him, and I think William is the one who flew the kite in the lightning storm." "(dramatic outro music)" "(music stops) Once you're drunk, it's hard to" "coagulate things." "Like, to make things make sense."