"Subtitles by Midas and Ghesus" "TERKEL IN TROUBLE" "Hi children!" "Are you comfortable?" "My name is Arne and I'm going to tell you a story about a boy I know called Terkel." "Terkel is a healthy boy, except from when he is sick of course." "But he's a good kid and he's got bones in the nose." "Now you might think:" ""bones in the nose?" "That hurts?"" "but that's just somthing you say about a person who is intelligent, or about people who sneezes while they're eating fish." "Anyways..." "Terkel lived in a small town in a red house together with his mom Beate and his dad Leon." "Beate and Leon were pretty fair parents, they just had a tiny bit of a problem agreeing about stuff." "...and that's the way it is!" "No." "Yes it is." "No." "Yes!" "No!" "Mom and dad, can't you stop discussing all the time?" "Terkel we're not discussing, we're quarreling, right?" " No..." " Yes we are!" " No!" " Yes we most certainly are!" "Yeeeees...!" "Terkel also had a little sister." "Hey Terkel..." " Her name was Rita." " Not now Rita, I'm busy." "Weren't we supposed to go to school together?" "Yes... we were NOT supposed to go together." "Terkel was in 6th grade at Kastanjevangen School." "His best friend is Jason." "Hey what's up Terkel...!" "How's it hanging, dude?" "Are you "fresh"?" "Yeah..." "I just haven't done my arithmetics homework." "Ah, nasty shit... but on the other side..." "Fuck it!" "Jason came from Albertslund (rough neighborhood)." "That's why he talked a bit differently." "And that's also why he always carried an iron pipe in his pocket." "Ah, bummer!" "There's Johanna." "Haha, she's already seen you, Jason." "Hey, Jason." "What's up, Johanna?" "How... how's it going?" ""How's it going?"?" "!" "Ermm..." "Bye bye..." " But, Jason..." " Goodbye, Johanna." " She's completely into you." " Yeah, I know." "It's just that she talks so weird that it makes me trip - easy there." "There were also 2 really mean boys in Terkel and Jason's class." "They were called Sten and Saki." "They used most of their recess' on bullying a chubby girl named Dorit." "Cool, Sten." " What's up Porky Pig... you fat today?" " Again today!" "I swear, chubby Dorit is always fat, haha." "Friday morning's program was music with the class' favourite teacher:" "Arne Nougatbranch." "Hehe, believe it or not, that's me!" "So you'll have to excuse me while I attend my job." "Hello kids!" "It's time for music class." " Err, are you ready?" " Yeah...!" "Good, now listen... err Silas?" "I studied my grandfather's Encyclopedia of Music this weekend." "and there I saw the expression "funky"." "What does it mean?" "Listen up kids... music isn't supposed to be read or analysed." "Music is supposed to be tasted and felt, to be listened and danced to." "There's music in everything." "For instance Jason's iron pipe." "Or in Solveigh's cellular phone that rings in class." "Well kids!" "Let's get some instruments and fire it up." "That's the way Jason That's a good beat." "...the guitar is mine!" "2, 3, 4..." "Birte a bit more groovy please." "We're rolling..!" ""The name is Arne" "And I like music"" ""I teach 6A in rhythmics"" ""The whole class is pumping" "And everybody's in"" ""And when the beat is on" "I'll go fetch my bass"" ""Suddenly we're all sent away" "And all the kids sing along"" ""Arne is way cool!"" "Thanks children." ""Arne is way cool!"" ""I'm too coool!"" "Casper remember to empty the saliva valve." ""When you look at me" "You'll know what to expect"" ""The man with wide velvetpants" "And with beatles hair"" ""The women want me" "And they can't get enough"" ""When I pass by them" "They all go crazy"" ""I'm doing lots of beautyful chicks" "They rip my cloths off and cry:"" ""Arne he's too cool!"" ""Way cool!"" ""Arne is way cool!"" ""Uhoho coool!"" ""Super cool"" ""Arne he's too cool!"" ""I'm too cool for myself"" "That's music!" "Thanks a lot kids." "Have a nice..." "Silas, thank you!" "It swings." "Silas...!" "Thank you!" " You wont beat my record, will you?" " Hang on for 2 seconds..." "Fuck!" "Are you... grrrr" "Hi there kids." " What's up?" " Hello there." "Actually, you're sitting on a spider." " Am I...?" " Yeah, look!" "Where?" "Right there." "It's totally squashed." "Don't worry." "It's just pants." " They can be washed." " Tell me boys, what class are you in?" " 6A... in your face." " Hmm, I see." "It's because I'm a new substitute teacher here in the school." "My name is Gunnar and I'm supposed to teach 7B so..." "Okay..." "What are your names boys?" " My name is Terkel." " And I'm Jason, dude." "Terkel and Jason, greetings kids." "I have to go, take care." "Yeah, 100%, dude." "He was pretty fucked up." "Yeah, a bit weird but kind of nice, right?" "What's up, fuckface?" " I just have to pee." " Fair enough." ""DICK"" ""SHIT"" ""SMELLY CUNT"" "Hello... anybody there?" "Oh, no..." "Hey, what's up Terkel" " Please don't..." " Have you pissed in your pants?" " Haha, you've pissed in your pants." " Haha, funny..." "Come on Sten..." "Hey Terkel listen, if this was an army gun, we would've shot your balls off." " In Vietnam..." " Look, Sten!" "That's chubby Dorit." "Get her!" " If you get her bag, I'll pull her hair." " Deal!" "Fat Dorit, you're so fucking nasty..." "It was the end of the schoolday and the final subject of the day was "Danish"." "But instead of their ordinary teacher, Yvonne, a stranger arrived." "Look Jason, it's that weird guy." "Ah Gunnar, dude." "Check that sweater, really faggot looking." "Hey kids!" "Please sit down quietly on your bottoms." "I'm Gunnar and err... do you have any chalk?" "Excuse me Gunnar, I'm Silas and I would like to volunteer to go get some chalk." "Well, thanks Silas." " As I said before, I'm Gunnar and I..." " Here is the chalk!" " Wow." " Regular and coloured chalk." "Great, listen up." "My name is Gunnar Bjerre, and this is my African opossum, Liselotte." "Normally your teacher would be Yvonne, but unfortunately she had an accident." "Yvonne tripped all the way down the stairs and rolled on to the big and dangerous traffic filled road, which you should never cross without an adult." "Out on the road, the cars just didn't have time to stop before it was too late." "Kids, Yvonne... she didn't make it." "She's not comming back ever again." "As I said, I'm Gunnar." "and I'm a newly appointed substitute on this school." "Before this job I was a teacher at a "Rudolf Steiner School"." "If you know what that is?" "It's a... yes Silas?" "I know what it is." "The children already knew about these "Rudolf Steiner Schools"." "which in short terms are schools that believe toys should be boring to play with." "Preferrably a stupid wooden doll with no face." "That's something the kids have to imagine for themselves." "I once had i grildfriend like this." "She wasn't made out of wood though... unfortunately." "Anyways... back to the class." "Yes, thank you Silas for the explanation." "Well kids, we better get to know each other better." "I've brought along a peasack which we can throw to each other while we state our names." "I can start, I'm Gunnar, and err.. how about we just take the rest of the day off?" "Cool!" " Won't you be our big brother Gunnar?" " What?" "You can be our big brother because you have such a nice necklace." " Totally cute rat." " Opossum!" "Yeah, I knew that." "Gunnar can we put make-up on you just like on a girl?" "No girls, you must be missing a few screws." " See you tomorrow, girls." " Bye bye, big brother." ""Win a new wife" " Lottery"" "Oh no!" "Terkel...?" "What?" "Can you walk me home, Terkel?" "God dammit, you can walk home yourself!" "It's because I forgot my key." "Then use the spare key!" "But I can't remember where it is." "In the shed under the flowerpots!" " But Terkel it's just that..." " Leave us be, ghees!" "Are we crashing your place Terkel?" "No we can't today..." "My parents are planning the wedding, the whole house is filled with marzipan, etc." "Terkel's parent were to be married the comming saturday." "Hey, boys." "Hey, Gunnar." " Are you out buying sweets?" " Yeah, we've bought sniffsticks." "Well, see you on Monday." "Bye." " Yeah." " Whatever..." " Can't we be at your place today?" " Today ain't really a good day..." " Why?" " Yeah, that's why!" " But Jason, we're never at your place" " No..." " I haven't even seen how you live." " Listen, I just can't cope with it today." "I'm totally wasted." "Crap!" "Why do you always that stick in your pocket?" "Don't shit me, you never know when an iron pipe can come in handy." " I'm home..." " No." " Hello, dad." " No!" " Err, have you had a good day?" " No..." " Ready for the wedding tomorrow?" " Err... no!" " You'll probably get ready in time." " No." " Is mom home?" " No." "No!" "I'm out here in the kitchen, Terkel." "Hello dear." "Had a good day?" "Yes, we've got a new teacher." " Miss Yvonne is dead." " Terkel please wipe this." "Sounds like you had great fun, eh?" "Mom, can I go to the ramp after we've had dinner?" "No Terkel, not tonight." "All of us have to get up early in the morning." "What if I come home early?" "Terkel, we're having a big party tomorrow and it's important that you get your sleep." "If you don't get 8 hours of sleep you could end up getting anthrax," " and shrink to the size of a matchbox" " Err, mom..." "That wouldn't be the first time something like that happened." "Hey, Terkel." "Open the window, dude." "Jason, what in the name of the lord are you doing here?" ""What in the name of the lord are you doing?" Speak a language I can understand." " It's 2am." " So?" "Don't be a crybaby." "Wake up, we have a flick to watch!" "Terkel wasn't really into horror movies, but you can't really say that to your best friend." " So instead he said:" " Wow, man." "He got his arm chopped off..." "Yeah, shut up." " ...and the head!" " Haha, eat shit and die!" "I therefore ask you, Vera Gungadin Mogensen, will you take Beate Happerkuk Stenstrøm to be your lawful wedded wife?" "No!" "Here they come..." "Congratulations!" "Come on Rita, you have to throw rice at mom and dad." "No, that's not nice." "That's the way it's done Rita." "That way they can get fertile." "Fertile?" " Yes, so they can have kids and stuff." " But they have us Terkel?" "Yes, but you'd like a little brother, right?" "Ouch, honey!" "Don't throw that hard." "Ouch, Rita!" "Not that kind of throw, you can end up deaf from those." "So grandmother, I don't see you eating anything..." "Can't chew it?" "A spin in the blender?" "You can also get a toast." "Do you want a toast?" "With cheese and ham." "It's hard getting old, eh?" " Well they've asked me NOT to give any speeches..." " Yeah!" "...Particularly because of the situation at the last family reunion." "But what the hell, it's not everyday that your little niece gets married." "Terkel!" "Your mom has a formidable ass!" "Haha, just joking." " You'll get over it..." " No." "Take it easy, I'll buy you a whore later." "Sit your ass down Leon!" "I don't want to punch you on your wedding day." "No." "And then I think we should make a toast to the bride and groom, ...or at least say, "Yes sir!" Cheers!" "And you don't get off without a song." "Fireman, hit it!" "Now just listen to me." "Everybody sit down." ""Beate and Leon today we party"" ""Because you're going to be spliced tomorrow"" "Actually it's today but I wrote this shit last night." ""It's lovely to be..."" "What's up Terkel?" "Just someone from my class, I'll be right back." " I want to go with you." " No Rita stay here." "Sten?" "Saki?" "Sten...?" "Saki...?" " Take it easy man." " Damn you look frightened." " It's just us." " I knew that." "Wanna get shot?" "Hehe, no." " What's up Terkel?" " What's happening?" " Nothing, really." " Having a party?" "Just my parents, who got married." "What are you guys doing?" "We're going to get battered." "Show it to him, Sten." " It's "extra dry"." " Okay..." " He stole it from his dad." " No, he said that I could take it." "Yeah, sure he did, smartass." "Can we get anything to drink from the party?" " Nah, don't think so." " Can't you get a beer for us?" "No, that's not a good idea." "Err, it won't be a big one then." "Maybe I can get 1... or 2, 3 beers." "I think there's a whole crate of beers out in the back." ""...brawn and figs and roasted herrings in pickle"" ""And bread and buuuutter..."" " Err, Stewart what about toast?" " Sit your ass down or I'll fuck you up!" ""At last I will lift my glass..."" ""..." "And say congratulations"" ""And then I will sit down on my seat"" ""And put a fillet of fish in my mouth"" ""And liver pâté and chicken and turkey" "And ham and roast pork"" ""And..."" "What the hell?" "!" "Are you trying to steal the adults' lemonade?" "You little bastard!" "It was Sten and Saki who made me do it." " What?" "!" "Are you talking shit to your uncle?" " It's true!" "They're outside, and they had guns and stuff." "No uncle Stewart, don't do it!" "What the hell?" "!" " Surprise, filthy little swines." " Who the hell is he?" "It's my uncle." "So, you're trying to steal from old uncle Stewart?" "What the fuck are you talking about?" "Little Terkel here has just told me how you wall-eyed sons-of-bitches..." " ...have made him steal beer from me." " That's a lie!" " What the fuck?" " So you're calling me a liar?" " Fuck, you can't just hit him!" " So you want some with the ring too?" "Don't be impudent Sonny-boy or I'll make you eat dirt." " But he's much smaller than you!" " What are you going to do about it, crybaby?" "Take that!" "Don't stand on his head!" "Quick action." "And stay out fuck-faces!" " What are you doing uncle Stewart?" " Who me?" "I'm the one who'll get all the trouble on monday" "Don't take it so hard kid." "Come, let's go in and beat up your dad." "No, I don't want to be your fucking boyfriend." "Get it, you ugly sack of slime." " Ouch, damn that shit!" " Hey, Jason." " Hey, Terkel." " Did you just hear that?" "!" "Boyfriend?" "!" "If she said that she wanted to be my bitch or ho..." "She talks so fucked up that it gets on my nerves." "Why are you only turning up now?" " It's just because..." " Hey, what's wrong with Sten and Saki?" "What do you mean?" "They just seem pretty pissed at you." "They're in the class talking about how big a jerk you are." "I knew it..." "Knew what?" "And then Terkel told everything that happened Saturday night." "Haha, get the fuck out of here." "Awesome." "I would've liked to see that." "Funny haha." "I'm the one who will get all the trouble." "Do you think it's that bad?" "I got a message from the Gorilla Club, of which I'm a member... hey, boys!" "What's up!" "My mom has written in my contact-book why I was late." "Yes?" "Let's see..." ""Terkel has got milk allergies so he was allowed to sleep late There's no reason for the kid getting cirrhosis of the liver Yours faithfully, Beate"" "Yes... you're allowed to sit down." " Damn informer pig!" " Damn army whore!" ""You are doomed Terkel!"" "Well as I said before, I've received a message from the Gorilla Club." "They wrote that the piebald salamander... was seen 3 days ago just out in the Degne moor." "So I have arranged a camping trip." "Easy now... that's it." "We're leaving Wednesday morning so I need your mom or dad's signature stating that it's okay that you sleep out at the moor." " Excuse me, Gunnar?" "!" " Yes..." "Silas?" "What's the difference between a piebald salamander... and an ordinary salamander?" "Fucking nasty rotten crap shit project!" "Sour herb and bad gift, man!" "Jason, it could be fun." "Yeah, jumping around in some plague infested moor, trying to catch some shitty salamanders?" "!" "But we'll be sleeping in a tent, the 2 of us together, that's going to be fun." "It's just that... argh, that crap pipe!" " Throw that damn pipe out, Jason." " Are you crazy?" "Don't wanna discuss it." "You never know when you'll be needing an iron pipe." "I think it's gonna be great." " You think so sissy-boy?" " Looking forward to catch salamanders?" " Are you cruel towards animals?" " Haha, cruel towards animals." "What?" "!" "Cruel towards animals?" "!" "Yeah, you don't have to repeat or are you a mime?" "Yeah, you don't have to repeat... or are you a mime... err" " Wimp!" " Animal tormentor!" "Mime!" "Leave me alone!" ""I love G_ _ _ _R" Then we said that you were a member..." " ...of our club, right big brother?" " Yeah, and then you have to write letters." "Yeah, because we're pen pals." " Would you be my pen pal?" " And can we cut your hair?" "Ghees, you're completely nuts." "Gunnar, can I have a word with you?" " Of course Terkel" " Let go of me girls..." "This way Terkel." "...it's Sten and Saki, they won't stop teasing me." "Are they teasing you?" "!" "Yeah, they call me a sissy, animal tormentor and a mime." "I think that sounds awful, Terkel." " Actually, I think you should strike back." " But, how?" " Which of them is the boss?" " Sten, I think..." "Then I think you should confront Sten." "One should always go after the boss, then the others will automatically get out of your way." "I think that you should go over to Sten and say:" "Hey dude, what about yourself?" ""What about yourself?"..." ""What about yourself?"!" "Then they'll see how wrong they've been." "Okay, thanks Gunnar." "Look, here comes the animal tormentor." "And what about yourself?" "Huh?" "Yeah Sten, what about yourself?" " What the hell is he babbling about?" " Yeah, what do you mean?" "I said, "What about yourself?"!" ""What about yourself" (gold letters)" ""What about yourself?" "!" "You're just a loser"" ""You call me cruel, sissy and a mime"" ""You're a goof and totaly disgusting" "Come on!" "Are you a wuzz?"" ""You long sock!" "'Cause your pants flutter when I beat you"" ""A shoe right in the ass"" ""I'll kick your mom in her cunt" "screaming everybody get the fuck out"" ""You can step on those lying on the ground" "And those who whisper are lying"" ""Unless they whisper that I'm cool!"" ""My mouth will not be silent" "Dickheads better watch out"" ""If there's more trouble with you" "I'll squeal on you"" ""'Cause what you say is what you are"" ""It's in the news" "That you're a toffee"" ""You're it, punkass" "Give me five!"" ""Fat Fart" "And you can't sing it back"" ""'Cause what you say is what you are"" ""It's in the news" "That you're a toffee"" ""You're it, punkass" "Give me five!"" ""Fat Fart" "And you can't sing it back"" ""What about yourself?" "!"" ""Yeah I got it" "Your mother humps everything"" ""And your daddy is 10 different men" "And my dad can kick all of their asses"" ""And if you think you found a safe spot" "You better run home to momma"" ""You act like a mirror when I'm fucking with ya"" ""But I'm hooked on slapping you with 10 mirrors with your ugly face on"" ""I got you 1... 2... 3... times"" ""You're a dickhead motherfucker"" ""And a square asshole"" ""You're the one who started this" "But I'm the one who finishes it"" ""I'll throw you around like the pussy you are"" ""You picked the fight, but got screwed over"" ""But from this point on, you'll shut your fucking face"" ""And if not... "" ""I'm going to motherfucking tell the grown ups" "Biatch"" "Sissy boy!" "Yeah, totally a sissy... and a mime." "It probably won't come as a surprise to you, that adults don't know what goes on in kids heads." "And least of all how to avoid getting bullied." "What's up, crybaby?" "Chickenshit?" "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "Nothing." "I'm just tired." "Terkel speaking." "Terkel, you're not at the ramp again, are you?" "But normally I'm allowed to.." "Listen here." "It's gonna rain any sec now and you know how wet trees spread SARS." " We've already talked about that." " Ok, I'm coming home now." "It's for your own sake." "We wouldn't want your knees to calque." "Huh?" " Did it hurt?" " Hey, sissyboy!" "We're going to kill you." "You little animal tormentor." "Want a piece of my new gun?" "No please, I don't want to die." " We'll catch you." " You can't hide." " We'll kill you." "Welcome to the Hotline for Kids, Stewart speaking." " Hey, Stewart." "It's Terkel." " Hi, Terkel." "I'm working right now." " I know..." " You have to call later." "I have to be ready to take care of the children's problems." " But I do have problems." " Is that a fact?" " That's why I'm calling." " Fair enough, go on, sailor." " I'm getting bullied at school..." " So, what's the problem?" "They say I'm an animal tormentor, a mime..." "Yeah, I have to say that's not bloody original!" " What about super analdripping creep?" " But..?" "Or eskimo drugwhore son-of-a-bitch?" "Here's a good one." "Flabby gazelle cockhead." " Stewart..?" " Gross bitch-of-a-nasty-fucking-leatherface." " But, Stewart, you have to help me!" " Of course my son, that's why I'm here." "Problems are here to be solved, you know." "Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that you can't solve them yourself." "And never be afraid to cry out for help." "Now I'm going to tell you an advice that my dad gave me." ""Ask for help" "If you are in doubt"" ""Ask for help 'cause it's near" "And it can save lives"" ""One can't manage all problems by oneself"" ""You can count on Stewart" "Just ask for help"" "I have personally helped out a few kids myself, listen:" ""Yesterday I met a boy who weeped" "He couldn't find his way back home"" ""And he was afraid of the dark"" ""The kiddo said:" "Dear Stewart, can you help me?"" ""I took out my knife and yelled:" "BOOH!" "And suddenly he found his way home"" ""And then I remember Viktor " "His dad was really cruel"" ""He beat the kid yellow and blue" "Whenever he had the time"" ""Victor called me up one day" "and complained about his situation"" ""Unfortunately I was busy that day" "So now Viktor's dead"" ""Ask for help if you need answers"" ""You can call night and day"" ""This captain is ready"" ""Push the 8 digits if you are feeling down"" ""And if I'm out drinking you can leave a message!"" " Can't I just get some help...?" " That's right Terkel." "That's what you have to say, if one day the shit hits the fan." "Take care and tell your dad that I'm popping by... to hand out some beatdown one of these days." ""Death to the animal tormentor"" "No!" "Please, I don't want to die!" "What's going on here?" "Have you seen this mess, Leon?" "No." "What is it you're playing in here?" "A stone came through the window." "It didn't just come through the window by itself." "Maybe this will teach you not to play with fire another time." "Terkel kept some distance to Sten and Saki in the schoolyard." "If they were capable of throwing bricks through a window," "Then who knew what they could be up to." "Oh oh...!" " Hey, look." "There he is, the tormentor." " Hey, mime!" "A damn army whore." " Trying to hide, are you, huh?" " Won't you just please leave me be?" " Now now, there sissyboy, don't cry." " You little animal tormentor." "Blinking your eyes, huh?" "Afraid of your mom and dad?" "Terkel was wondering what to do, when the class's fat girl, Dorit, came over." "You know what Terkel?" "Don't mind them." "They're just jealous." " Dorit?" " Terkel had never talked to Dorit before." "He had actually never really noticed her." "She was just part of class." "What is it?" "It's just a letter, but you don't have to read it now." " Look!" "Dorit and the sissy are lovers." " Look, Terkel has cried." "Then it's a good thing he has his girlfriend Chubby Dorit." " Yeah, they are lovers." " And what if we are?" "!" " You're just damn jealous." " Fat porky." "Hey Terkel, are you really in love with Dorit?" "Terkel felt like talking back and help Dorit, just as she had tried to help him." "But instead, Terkel did what one would do with the back against the wall." "He passed the ball..." "Ermm, no, I'm not in love with a fat fucking cow like her." "That was all that Sten and Saki needed to forget all about Terkel and jump all over poor Dorit." " Haha, fat cow." "Chubby whalefish." " Beached Whale, John Goodman" " Where are you going, Chubby Dorit?" " Stay here you fat cow." " Wow, that went pretty quick, huh?" " Terkel was paralysed by horror." " Eventhough, he could hear himself say:" " Let's hope no one got hit by the fat cow." " Well said, Terkel." " That looked really awesome." "Hurray for Terkel!" "Imagine someone can bleed so much." "That's obvious if you're a fat cow." "Right, Terkel?" "Terkel?" "Wait a sec..." "Tell me, what really happened up in the class?" " Erhm, she jumped out of the window." " Fair play, okay then..." "Luckily no one was hit by that fat cow." "The letter?" "!" ""Dear Terkel..." ""I love you"" ""You're the only good thing in my life"" ""I get bullied everyday" "And I can barely take it"" ""It's because of you that I'm still alive" "Forever Yours, Dorit"" "Want one more sausage, Leon?" " No..." " Yes, you do." " No...!" " That's the way it is!" "So, Terkel..." "What have you been doing in school today?" "Today I got bullied so much that I chose to bully Chubby Dorit." "Finally she got so upset that she jumped out of the window from the 3rd floor." "Well, then you must've had your hands full." "Mom, she actually died!" "Rita, if you want the Toothfairy to come this year, then you surely don't want to chew so noisely." " Hi, Terkel." " Stay out, Rita." " You wanna play with my cut-out dolls?" " I don't "play"!" " But you play with Jason?" " We don't play, we're just together." "Don't you want to be together with me and my dolls then?" "Keep out!" ""Psychopath on the loose"" "Dad, I need to talk to you." "I have some problems in school and no one wants to help me." " So won't you please hear me out?" " Noooo!" "Mom...?" "What is it Terkel?" "Want to play?" "Forever and ever?" " Nooooo." " Come over here, Terkel." " Where are you going?" " Watch out that you don't rust, Terkel." ""I'm coming, I'm coming" "I'm coming to get ya"" ""I'm coming, I'm coming" "I'm coming to touch you"" ""I'll shread what you think is safe"" ""I'm the shadow behind the curtain" "I'm the branch on your window"" ""I'm a sound from your closet" "I'm a voice inside your head"" ""I'm the tormented souls" "The distorted cries"" ""From those in the computer games that get burned to death"" ""As your mom and dad who only believe what they can see"" ""They say I don't exist." "What do they know?"" ""They are asleep when I haunt, when I give you my thrill"" ""It's not them I'm visiting, when I give you my scare"" ""I'm saying:"" ""I'm coming, I'm coming" "I'm coming to get ya"" ""I'm coming, I'm coming" "I'm coming to touch you"" ""I'll shread what you think is safe" "Paranoia so loud it makes you go insane"" ""I'm saying:"" ""I'm coming, I'm coming" "I'm coming to get ya"" ""I'm coming, I'm coming" "I'm coming to touch you"" ""I'll shread what you think is safe"" ""You're a dead man, Terkel"" "Who had written that?" "Was it Sten and Saki who had put salt in his erm... bad conscience?" "It just had to be." "Terkel, have you seen the spare key?" "What?" "It's not in its usual place out in the shed." " I haven't seen it." " Here, I've packed your suitcase." "Mom, are you throwing me out because the extra key has gone missing?" "!" "Silly you, it's Wednesday." " What?" " The Salamander Trip..." "Did you forget about that?" "Mom, can I please stay home?" "Nonsense, you'll sleep in a tent with Jason, out in the dark and dangerous forest." "It's going to be fun." " I don't feel well." " That's probably just some hepatitis." "You just have to walk until it goes away." "Please, let me stay at home?" "!" "Then you have to ask your dad first." "Dad...?" "No." " Sten, we're taking the back seat." " Definitely." "Good morning, Terkel." "Good to see you." " Do you have a note from your parents?" " Yes, here's my contact-book." "Would you be so sweet as to deliver all your luggage to the busdriver over there?" "Is this some kind of joke Terkel?" "If so, I don't think it's funny." ""You're going to die!"" " You're going to die?" "Yeah, I can read it perfectly well myself." "But I don't think it's funny." "Ready to go kids." "Terkel, are you coming?" "Hey, fuckface, come over here and sit your ass down before I make you." "Hey, Jason..." "Hey, Terkel." "Cool bag." "Yeah totally cool bag." "Is it army?" " Is it a bag from the army?" " No, it's just an Eastpack." " Totally cool." " Yeah." "What was it you called Dorit?" " Fat cow?" " Ah, yes." " Fat cow, way cool." " Terkel... won't you sit next to us?" " Ermm, okay." " Cool." "What the fuck...?" " Is anybody sitting here?" " Actually someone is!" "I can't see anyone." "Well, look closer then, you bum." "Bloody hell!" "Now I dropped my pipe." "You bring bad luck." "Calm down for a sec?" " You silly little mischiefs." " Okay, Gunnar." "I feel like playing a song for you guys." "If you would like to hear one?" "Oh, dear." "You're absolutely uncontrollable." "Hey, Gunnar, can't you sing a song about why we have to do so much homework?" "Listen up kids, you're all being spoiled." "There's actually a lot of children in the world who are worse off than you." " Nah, I don't believe that." " Just pay attention:" ""Here's a story about a boy named Quang"" ""He's 7 years old and lives in Thailand"" ""And his workday is long"" ""He gets up early in the morning" "And goes to bed very late"" ""'Cause Quang has a lot to do" "Though he's just a boy"" ""Every morning at 4.45am" "Quang takes off"" ""Through hawthorns and thistles" "To a boat at the riverside"" ""The water is dark and cold" "But the family owes money"" ""So he dives for pearls" "But mostly without any luck"" ""So what the hell makes you think that I want to listen to you grumble?"" ""That you don't like your spinach and don't get enough allowance"" ""You have fast food and Nintendo" "You have time to sillyness and play"" ""There's 1000 kids in the world wanting to swap places with you"" ""Quang, he's the oldest one"" ""Of a family of 10"" ""He's the one doing the cooking" "When the day is over"" ""There are enough mouths to feed" "Often it can be difficult"" ""So Quang has bought a tube of glue" "That they can sniff for desert"" ""When Quang has put the small ones to bed" "He is dead tired"" ""But he has to go to the village again" "Eventhough it's night"" ""'Cause he has a date" "that he arranged yesterday"" ""With his boyfriend Heinrich Schultze" "Who is 45 years old"" ""So how the hell can you be telling me that your lives really suck"" ""Would you please try and see it in a larger perspective"" ""Think about others than yourself" "Learn from my song"" ""Remember that you have a good life" "if you don't live like Quang"" ""Remember that you have a good life" "if you don't live like Quang"" "Gunnar, I just want to tell you that it's a real shame about Quang..." "I'm like, "what the fuck?"" "If it was oneself, one wouldn't think it's very funny." "And then I'm like "Hey stupid", we have to do something." "Yeah, and you can." "I have what you call a sponsorchild from Vietnam, to whom I transfer money." "It costs DKR 140 ($23) per month." "If you guys give me DKR 5 each, you can all... help me support little Philip Jongongong." "Is he called Philip Jongongong?" " Well, Terkel, it's a girl." " But, isn't Philip a boy's name?" "Yeah, but down there you can be named whatever you like." "Yes, kids, listen up!" "When you have put up your tents, you can go and explore the forest." "You can also go down to the lake as long as you keep a safe distance to the water." "And then we're going to bed early." "We have to go to bed at 10pm as we have to get up at 5am to study the salamanders." "Yes, Silas?" "What if one would like to go to bed at 9.30pm?" "Shut your freaking ass Silas!" "Terkel was in a better mood." "Actually, he had forgotten all about the horrible messages." "Hi, Jason." " What's up, wannabe?" " Take it easy..." "What's wrong with your head?" "!" "They have been on your back for 2 days." "And then all of a sudden you're eating from their palms." "It makes no bloody sense." "They aren't bullying me anymore." "They're actually very nice." "Yeah, they're totally cool because they aren't bullying you, right?" "That's why you're a brown-nose!" " Am not." " Nonsense, fucking sellout!" " Come on..." " I guess you're also sleeping in their tent?" " No..." " Hey, Terkel!" "Don't you want to sleep with Sten and me in our tent?" "What did I just say?" "Ermm, alright." " Is that okay, Jason?" " That's your fucking decision, loser." "Come on, Terkel!" "Do you really think that we can fit all 3 in that tent?" " Yeah sure, it's an army tent." " Come on, you bought it at Macy's." "So what?" "!" "They probably also, erhm, have Macy's in the army or..." "Take it easy, I know that." "Fucking false little fat shitty fucking..." "Yo, Johanna." "I just wanted to say... that I've been really mean to you." "I'm sorry..." "That's life, nobody acts cool... towards anyone anymore." " But I hope it's okay." " Fuck off!" "'cause you're too ugly for me and your mom's a skank ho." "What the fuck...?" "Jason had never experienced Johanna that way." "What a temper." "What use of language." "Imagine that a girl could talk that foul." "So unbelievably foul." ""How can one be so blind" "I just didn't get it"" ""It's just now that really I see you"" ""'Cause you're a super hot fox" "I've found the meaning of my life"" ""As a lightning from the sky, what the hell is going on"" ""I haven't been able to see it before today"" ""that you suddenly looked at me and said:"" ""Fuck off!"" ""'Cause you're too ugly for me and your mom's a skank ho"" ""You told me without a smile"" ""What do you want?"" ""I would do anything as long as you say that you would be my girlfriend"" ""I love your style"" ""Damn, girl, you're so crazy" "All that time I've wasted"" ""Before I understood that you're so hot"" ""And suddenly I'm standing here" "Seeing how beautiful you are"" ""I'll feel down if you're not available"" ""I can only hope that you'll be my girl"" ""If you're motherfucking fresh with that then let me hear you say:"" ""Fuck off!"" ""'Cause you're too ugly for me and your mom's a skank ho"" ""You told me without a smile"" ""What do you want?"" ""I would do anything as long as you say that you would be my girlfriend"" ""I love your style"" ""Fuck off!"" ""'Cause you're too ugly for me and your mom's a skank ho"" ""You told me without a smile"" ""What do you want?"" ""I would do anything as long as you say that you would be my girlfriend"" ""I love your style"" " Sten, what kind of shit is that?" " It's nothing!" "It's just that it looks like something my baby sister..." "Well it's not!" " Sten!" " What's up?" "It's just him..." "Jason, he's gone mental." "What's up with Jason, Saki?" "I passed his tent and saw him making out with Johanna." "I swear, and then I went by and said: "buhhhh"," "I swear man, it was just for giggles." "Then he freaked out and slapped me in the face." "Jason hit you?" "Do you think I'm lying?" "Look, I'm totally red on the cheek." "He's totally sick in his head." "I bet it has something to do with his sister." " Sister?" " Yeah, his sister's dead." " Hold on, does Jason have a sister?" "!" " Yeah." "Dorit." " Chubby Dorit, the fat cow is his sister." " Or was." "You didn't know?" " Dorit?" " Yeah." " Where did you guys hear this?" " I went to kindergarden with him." "He just always pretended not to know her in school." "It's true, Terkel." "Terkel was speechless." "Was Dorit really Jason's sister?" "And without Terkel knowing anything about it." "Of course Terkel had never been at Jason's home." "It was as if Jason always came up with an excuse." "As if he didn't want Terkel to come home and... find out ...that HE was Dorit's brother!" "Was it tied together that way?" "You really didn't know, Terkel?" " No." " I thought that you were best friends." " Sten, can I borrow your..." " Ahhh." " What's happening?" " What is it?" "I don't know." " Take a look and see." " Yeah, come on, it's your sleeping bag." " Holy fucking shit, that's gross." " Is it a cat or something?" "Where did it come from?" "It's HIM!" "Who!" "And then Terkel told about all those creepy messages." "..and then in my contact-book it said that he wanted to kill me." "You know, there isn't a lot of people who know where that spare key lies." " Crazy shit." " It's definitely Jason." "I just don't understand it, he's my best friend." "He's of course angry at you because you made Dorit jump out the window." "Because "I made"...?" "You guys were there too." "What if he's also planning to kill us, Sten?" "I haven't received any threatening letters." "Me neither, and the dead cat was only in your sleeping bag." "Yeah, that's true." "Terkel!" " Yes?" "!" " Do you have some chewing gum?" " Thanks." " Can I also get one?" " Did you hear that?" " What?" " Probably just the wind." " Night Terkel, night Terkel." "Yeah, good night." "What are you doing, Terkel?" " What are you up to?" " I've got an sms." "Who the fuck would message you this late?" " It's from Jason." " What does it say?" " It says that he will come and kill me now." " Seriously?" "!" "Let me see." " Oh, what the fuck!" " You have to run and tell it to Gunnar." "Yeah, you have to do that." "Aren't you guys coming along?" "Erhm, don't think it's a good idea..." "right now." "We'll keep watch, Terkel." "Hurry up." "Take care of the flashlight, it's from the army." "Hey, Terkel!" "Terkel, stop!" "Terkel, I swear..." "Gunnar, Gunnar, Gunnar!" " Terkel?" "What's this about?" " You have to help me Gunnar." "It's Jason, he want's to kill me." " What?" " It's true." " Nah." " He's gone mental." " You have tell it to me from the beginning." " Not here, we have to go." " Go?" "Where to?" " He's just behind us." "Who's after us?" "Can't we just go for a short walk?" "A short one?" "I bullied Dorit so she jumped, but that was because..." "I didn't want to be bullied by Sten and Saki." "and then Dorit was Jason's sister but I didn't know anything about that." "What's up fuckfaces?" "You can't sleep either?" " Jason!" " Don't kill us!" "What the fuck are are you talking about?" "Have you been eating mushrooms with Terkel?" " Mushrooms?" " Did you kill Terkel?" "Get the fuck out of here, what the fuck are you talking about?" "But you've sent him an sms saying that you were coming to kill him." " Say what?" "!" " It was your name on the display." "But... fuck I've lent my phone to..." "God damn!" " Hey, Jason, where're you going?" " Hey, Sten, why's your sleeping bag wet?" "...in the meantime I had recieved some scary messages, and then the dead cat... and then Saki said Jason had hit him." "And he then sent an sms" " Jason that is, that he wanted to kill me" " Terkel that is, and now look at the display, it says Jason." ""I'm coming to kill you"" "Woah, Terkel." "That was quite a swallow." "Yeah." "Know what?" "I'll give him a call." "I'm going to call him on this mobile." "Then I'll tell him that I've told you." " And then he can't do anything." " Terkel hang on just a moment." " No it has to be done now!" " Terkel, wait." "It's ringing..." " Terkel, come to me." " Stay away." "Terkel, you're confused." "Come to me." "If I'm confused, then how come you've got a knife?" " We're just going to have some fun." " I don't think it's funny." "Nah, but do you think the poor little spider thought it funny when you sat down on it... with your pretty jeans, eh?" " What?" "!" "That's what this is all about?" " You thought you would go unpunished..." " from slaying a tiny animal?" " You've planned this right from the start?" "Correctomundo." "Right from when you committed your crime," "I've done everything in my power to get revenge." "Unfortunately I had to push your teacher down the stairs and drive over her a few times before I could become your teacher." "But that's life sometimes." " Did you kill Yvonne?" " Yes!" " You're insane!" " Yes, but I'm not an animal tormentor." " You can't just kill me 'cause of a spider." " No I won't JUST kill you." "I will cut you out in 8 equally large pieces." "And bury the pieces all over the forest, so it can be absorbed by the earth and in that way, pay your debt to nature by manuring the soil." "You're not going anywhere Terkel!" "Come on..." " Mom...?" " No!" " Oh." "Hey, dad." " No." " Dad, you have to help me." " No." " I'm out in the forest." " No." " Our new teacher is after me." " No." " He has a knife." " No." " But he wants to kill me." " No!" " Dad, give me mom." " No." " Dad, I'm serious." " No." " Dad, please!" " No." " Give me the phone, Leon." " No." " Is that you Terkel?" " No..." "I mean yes!" "Why are you calling this late?" "Where are you?" "Out in the forest." "In the forest?" "Then don't go further out than to your belly button, ok?" " We don't want you to loose your feet." " Mom, I'm scared!" "Lucky you, then you're granted one wish." "But you can't say it aloud, otherwise your teeth'll fall out." " Bye now." " But, mom!" "Bye bye." "Where are you Terkel?" "!" "You can't hide." "I'll get you." "Animal tormentor!" "Uncle Stewart!" "What in the devil's... are you allowed out this late?" " We're camping with the class..." " Yes yes, that's fine." " I'm camping down at the pond due south." " The problem is..." "Then I ran out of Vernerbranka." "One can't fish after eels without Vernerbranka." " You have to help me Stewart!" " That's why I'm here sailor." " Can I ride with you into town?" " Sorry, the milk box is in the way." "Can't you just take the milk box off?" "Are you utterly and completely mad?" "!" "Then I can't transport my Vernerbranka." "Can't you drag the moped?" "'Cause then we could go together..." " Nah, then the shop will close, chief." " But my teacher wants to kill me." "Yeah, you've to remember to do your homework." "Bye now, make sure there's wind in the sails." ""I caught an eel today but it needed a drop of Vernerbranka..."" " Mom?" " You miss your mom, huh?" "You fucked up little psycho." "I got you now, you little bastard." "Not only do you kill small animals like a barbarian, you also pollute the forest with your phone." "'Cause you don't care about everybody else." "It's you it's all about." "Right, Terkel?" "The whole world is your personal playground." "But now it's over, Terkel!" " Are you done, you fucking asswipe?" "!" " Jason!" "I told you Terkel, one never knows when an iron pipe might come in handy." " You biffed him." " That'll fucking teach him." "You saved my life, Jason." "Hell yeah, you're buying the beer at the airport." " What?" " That's just something my dad always says." "Look, you sat on an opossum." "No worries, it's just jeans." "I can wash them." " And I was the one who thought that..." " Jason, what about your sister?" "What about her?" "Well, I made her jump out of the window?" "Fair enough, then I'm buying the beers at the airport." "What a crack." "Let's get out of this crappy forest." "Jason!" "Here, catch this!" "Grab it, Terkel!" "Help me, Terkel!" "Take the pipe, goddammit." "Take the iron pipe, idiot!" "Terkel, now!" " Terkel, take the pipe." "Terkel!" " But..." "Little bastard..." "Freeze!" "Check that handle." "He looks like a fucking popsicle icecream." " Don't you want your pipe back?" " Nah, it ain't that important." "Sorry that I didn't keep my part of the agreement." " I'll survive." " Now we're together again." "Just the two of us." " Erhm." "Actually, we're three now." " Three?" " You know..." "Johanna." " I guess that's fine by me." "Did you see the look on their faces?" "The morale of the story is of course that real friends should err.." "have 20 minutes in the oven at 250° Celcius." "That's a bunch a nonsense." "Yes, I've got it." "If you bully someone then you'll... have to adjust to the idea that you might get killed." "Nonsense again." "Erm.. if you have some friends, then you'll have to watch out that they don't get sick." "No, that ain't fucking it either." "Don't go, I've it on the tip of my tongue." "You harvest as one sails in a pond..." "Wait err, I'll call you." "Bye bye." "Action!" " I'm home." " Yes... or no, no, no, I'm sorry." "Cut!" "Action!" " I'm home." " Yes... no, dammit." "Sorry, I can do it now." "Action!" "I'm home." " Err, yes?" " Dammit, not again!" "I just have to check the script." "Here, Leon." ""NO"" "Okay, I've got it now." "Action!" "I'm home." " Maybe." " For fucks sake!" "If he can't learn a fucking word, then kick him out!" "Leon, you have to pull yourself together." "For Terkel's sake." " Sorry, Arne." " You think you're ready, Leon?" " No." " That's good." "No, no..." "No, no..." "Think you're ready, Leon?" " Yes." " Aaargh!" "And Cut." "Excellent work everybody." "Super realistic" "Fantastic." "We need a volunteer to dry up all the theater blood and remove the doll." " Then we'll take one more shot." " The doll is ready Arne." "Err, the doll?" "!" "But who is that then?" "Oh shit!" "Ah no worries, it was just a fat cow." "Later on I starred in the film "National Lampoon's..." "Boring Vacation"." "My first really political engagement." "It was shown quite minimalistically on Ko413." "I don't hope that this will be a commercial success that will rob my political dignity, and ruin my career in the long run." "Yeah, fuck that." "That would be the most psychopathic... insane fucked up trip." "A totally plague infested anus." "You can't just hit him?" "!" "Don't be impudent, sailor, or you'll be squashed." " Are you insane?" " That's it!" " Cut!" " Take that, you shitty brat!" "Cut!" "Stewart!" "Let go of them." "What the fuck, do you wanna dance ballet, you little fag?" "Any security on the set?" "!" "Hey, stop!" "Cut!" " Listen up." " What's up, Terkel?" "I can't concentrate when somebody's always making noise." " Who made noise?" " I'm sorry, that was me." "My leg fell asleep so I had to move the camera." "How about I just go home?" " Get me a mineral water." " Yeah, mineral water for Terkel." "Here you go, Terkel." "No, Rita, not that plug!" "Now listen, Terkel, you're our star." "You are the movie." "What the hell, this is with lemon." "How many times have I said that I hate lemon?" "!" "I don't wanna do this anymore." "It's over!" " No!" " Hurray, there it was!" "Okay, now it's rolling." ""This movie is based on the radio program 'Arne Tells" " Terkel in Trouble' by Anders Matthesen"" "Subtitles by Midas and Ghesus." "Greets fly out to the ppl at Fileheaven." "And pretty much everyone else..."