"Anson?" "Anson?" "Where are you, Anson?" "Anson." "Come back, Anson." "Anson." "Calling Anson." "Where are you, Anson?" "Anson.!" "Anson." "Calling Anson." "Where are you, Anson?" "Anson.!" "Where are you, Anson?" "Anson, get out here!" "I've warned you about your attitude." "You clean out 407?" "No, of course you haven't cleaned out 407." "You've only had all damn morning." "You think you're ever going to own any of those boats the way you're going?" "You think you're ever going to amount to anything?" "You can't even finish a simple job." "A monkey could do this job, all right, Jay?" "Well, you can't." "So what's that say about you?" " Shut up." " Excuse me?" "I didn't catch that." "You clean out 407, you move out that deadbeat's stuff, and you do it now." "And when I come back in an hour, it better be done." "Anson!" "Anson?" " Son of a..." "Anson." "Anson!" "Oh, that's it, Anson." "You hear me, Ans..." "Can I get you some coffee?" "Water?" "Anything?" "Good morning." " Good morning." "Special Agent Dana Scully, this is, uh, Jay Gilmore." "How..." "Nice to meet you." "Nice to meet..." "Likewise." "Mr. Gilmore came all the way to see us from Missouri, the "Show Me" State." "They told me you were the people to best understand my sit... my sit..." "It's okay." "Uh, this is Mr. Gilmore's situation." "This condition came on very suddenly about a month ago." "Anson Stokes, he did this to me." "I don't know how." "I just..." "I know it was him." "Anson Stokes is a former employee... at the self-storage yard that Mr. Gilmore owns." "Apparently there was some bad blood between you two." "He told me to shut up!" "Huh?" "Yeah." "And then Mr. Gilmore was, uh, stricken..." " Stricken... stricken." " Uh-huh." "And Anson Stokes was nowhere to be found." "He resurfaced several days later, and the police wanted to question him, but he refused." "Do you know what he said?" "He said they had nothing on him." "Well, and to be fair, sir, they didn't." "They don't." "They had to make me a whole new mouth." "Do you think Blue Cross is going to pay for this?" "Uh-uh." "I demand justice!" "Ow." " Mulder, all I'm saying is that..." " I know." "This may not be a crime, and this guy Stokes may not know anything about it." "Look, there is a condition called microstomia... small mouth... which is brought on by the disease scleroderma." "It's the overproduction of collagen." "It can actually reduce a person's mouth to a tiny little opening." "But that takes months to develop, right?" "It doesn't just happen in the blink of an eye." "Gilmore's surgeons are stumped." "They're writing it up in the New England Journal of Medicine." "There's always nasal aplasia, the complete absence of the nose." "That's a nose, Scully." "We're talking mouth here." "But what we're talking is medical, physiological, not criminal." " Not as far as I can see." " Maybe, but I still want to know..." " Why Anson Stokes doesn't want to talk to the police." " Mulder." "That's a little... out of place, wouldn't you say?" "A little bit." "Ah, damn it." " Leslie!" " What?" "What is it?" "I.R.S. agents." "Gotta be." "Get rid of them, all right?" "Hi." "We're looking for a Mr. Anson Stokes." "He's not here." "Would you happen to know when he's coming back?" "Well, we are Agents Mulder and Scully from the F.B.I." "The boat's..." "The boat's not ours." "We're holding it for someone, and, you know, th-they pay the taxes on it." "Okay." "Anson's not here." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "What's your name?" " Leslie Stokes." " Oh, you're Anson's brother?" "Hi there." "We're not here to talk about the boat, Leslie." "We want to talk to your brother about his former employer, Mr. Gilmore." "And the, uh, unfortunate condition that he's found himself in." " Would you happen to know anything about that?" " The mouth thing?" "Well, yeah, you know, that's just, uh..." "That's, like, chemicals." ""Chemicals"?" "Well, yeah, you know, like people store weird chemicals, like..." "Like my brother, one time he smelled this weird smell." "You know, it was just a guy with a meth lab, you know, like in one of the storage units." "That's probably something you guys should look into." "I'm gonna get going." "So I'm gonna go." "Okay." "Okay." "Now I see what's going on here." "According to Gilmore, he was standing right where I am when it happened." "Well, I don't smell any weird chemical smells." "You still have both your lips." "Apparently everything is left as it was." "Hey. 1978." "It's been a long time since any of this stuff has seen the light of day." "That's too bad, Mulder." "Underneath all this dust, this furniture is really wonderful." "Oh, well, you want to hit some yard sales while we're out here?" "Mulder, this furniture is expensive." "Very expensive." " What's your point?" " My point is that... there's a lot of money sitting around here, and maybe something's missing." " Like what?" " I don't know." "Jewelry." "Anson Stokes opened up the storage unit, and then he just disappeared." " Winds up with the Titanic in his driveway." " Mm-hmm." "There's your crime..." "theft." "Still doesn't explain what happened to Gilmore." "Hey, Scully, check this out." " Ouch." " This woman look familiar to you?" " That's the woman from the trailer." " It's the young woman from the trailer." "How many centuries now has disco been dead?" "Two down." "Two down, I got nothing to show for it." "You got the boat." "And what the hell good is that?" "Huh?" "That thing is like a big..." "You know, a big..." " White elephant?" " What?" "I'm sorry." "What does that mean?" "It's a big expensive item that serves no purpose and is more trouble than it's worth." "So what the hell did you give it to me for?" " Because you asked for it." " All right." "I can appreciate that." "But don't you think maybe you could've found some fricking water to put it in?" " You didn't specify water." " I gotta specify that you put a boat in the water?" "That is a given.!" "Fricking white elephant." "I can't even pay the taxes on it." "Why don't you just use your last wish to get rid of it?" "You want me to put you in a home or something maybe?" "Because I just told you, Leslie, that I wasted two wishes, okay?" "Are you listening?" "I am not gonna waste the third, all right?" "Come on." "Come on!" "I gotta concentrate here." "Let me figure this out." "Third wish, third wish." "Final wish." "I'm just spitballing here." "If I happen to say "I wish" by accident, that does not count." "Not until I am absolutely ready, okay?" "You could always give that guy his mouth back." "All I said is that I wish Jay would shut the hell up." "If you feel bad about what you did to him, fix it on your own dime, okay?" " It doesn't work like that." " Whatever." " Leslie, would you help me out here?" " Um, money." " Yeah." "Okay, that's not bad." " Wish for money." "But don't you think we should think of something that would... generate money instead of the actual money itself?" "Brains?" "Talent?" "Hard work?" "Uhhh, a money machine." "Okay, that's not..." "But something better." "Something better." "Okay." "But I just..." " An infinite number of wishes." " Okay!" "Just three, boys." "Settle down." "Damn it, this is hard!" "You know, I have a thought." " Granted it's pretty obvious." " What, what, what, what, what?" " What?" " What?" " Seriously, what?" " Oh, forget it!" " I got it." "I got it." " Yeah?" "I got it, I got it, I got it." "Okay, are you ready?" "Because I am ready." "I am absolutely ready." "Okay, here it goes." "I wish that I could turn invisible... at will." " You're kidding." " No, no, this is perfect." "Yeah, I can have an advantage that nobody else on Earth can have." "I can, um, you know, spy and learn secret information." "Pick up stock tips.!" " Sneak into a women's locker room?" " Not just that, okay?" "I'm talking about James Bond-type stuff, you know?" "Your wish is breathtaking in its unoriginality." "You don't have to like it, all right?" "You just have to do it, right?" "Done." " My... clothes are gonna turn invisible too, right?" " You didn't specify clothes." "Son of a..." "Screw it!" "Oh, God." "Turn invisible, please." "Yes.!" "Oh, man, this is awesome.!" "Hey, hey, hey, brother." "Hey, Leslie, I'm over here." "I'm over here." "Can you see me?" "Whoa.!" "Aah.!" "Damn it.!" " Anson, are you all right?" " Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." "I can't see my damn feet." "Look out, world, here I come.!" "I'm invisible.!" "Invisible, baby.!" "Whoo.!" " Whoo-hoo!" " Yes.!" "You can't see me, can you?" " I..." "Whoo!" "Hey, uh..." "Get out of my way, birds." "Oh." "Well, hello, ladies." "Here comes Anson." "That's right." "Come on." "Come on, come on, come on, come on." "Change, change." "All right." "Here we go." "Need a little roadside assistance, do you?" "Not to worry." "Here comes Anson." "Whoa!" "Can we go now?" "I think you missed a spot here." "I can see straight through to his ass." "This is Anson Stokes, huh?" "It is." "His dental records are a match." "He was found about a half mile from his house." "He was probably hit by a car or a truck or something." "And he's invisible." "Yes, he is." "Wow." "You know, in the seven years we've been working together, I have seen some amazing things, but this..." "this takes the cake." "It's..." "It's gonna change the boundaries of science." "It is amazing, but I don't think it has anything to do with science." "Remember Mr. Saturday Night Fever?" " Yeah." " I did a little background checking." "His real name is Henry Flanken." "He redefined the term "overnight success."" "In 1977, his net worth was 36,000 dollars." "And in 1978, it was 30 million dollars." "Then there is the interesting way in which Mr. Flanken died." "How's that?" "Chronic morbid tumescence." " You don't mean what I think you mean?" " Schwing!" "On April 4, 1978, he was admitted to Gateway Memorial Hospital... with an extreme priapic condition." "Apparently he was quite the specimen." "They had to raise the door frame in order to wheel him into his hospital room." "Well, what does any of that have to do with this?" "Well, I think our mystery woman is the link, about whom I can find no information whatsoever." " I think she's responsible for all of this." " But how?" "I-I don't know, but we need to talk to her." "Uh, I think I should stay here with the body." "I mean, I..." "You know..." "I don't think it's a good idea to leave him unguarded." "This is truly amazing." "Okay." "I'm very sorry for your loss." " Anson didn't suffer, did he?" " No, I don't think he suffered." "But the part about him being invisible, that doesn't, uh, catch you off guard just a little bit?" "Uh..." "Leslie, there was a woman here earlier." "Where is she now?" "She's, uh..." "She's gone." "Let me tell you where I'm going with this." "I think that woman is a Jinniyah." " Are you familiar with that term?" " No." "It's the feminine for "genie," as in... a demon or spirit from Middle Eastern folklore?" "Yeah, except Barbara Eden never killed anybody." "Now, in Arabic mythology, they speak of these beings that are composed of flame or air... but take human form." "They can perform certain tasks or grant certain wishes." "They live in inanimate objects like a lamp or a ring." "Is this beginning to sound familiar?" "Leslie, I believe your brother found just such an object... in the storage facility, didn't he?" "He took possession of theJinniyah, and he made some pretty outrageous requests, likeJay Gilmore's mouth and that yacht out in the driveway." "Wait, wait." "You believe all that?" "I do." "And Leslie, for your own safety, so that what happened to your brother doesn't happen to you," "I think you should hand over that object to me right now." "You're doing the right thing." "Scully, come check this out." "Come on." "He's not going anywhere." "Come on." "Bye." "I have a group of researchers flying in from Harvard Medical." "I can't wait to see their faces." " What's this?" " It's not what I hoped it would be, judging from the odor coming from inside." "I think it's where the Stokes brothers keep their weed." "But that's not what I wanted to show you." " Recognize him?" "How about her?" " Benito Mussolini." "Your mystery woman or someone who looks a lot like her." "The computer says it is her." "I ran her through Quantico's facial recognition software... and couldn't come up with a match in the known-felon database." "Then I took a flyer and checked with the image bank at the National Archives." " Voila." " Well, even if it is her," "Mulder, what would she be doing with Mussolini?" "Or Richard Nixon, for that matter." "I don't know, except that they're both men... who got all the power they ever wished for and then lost it." "See?" "I told you it'd look good in here." "Nice rug." "How do you breathe in that thing?" "Can we just get this over with, please?" " Three wishes." "Go." " Don't rush me, all right?" "I want to do this right." "I've gotta be smarter than Anson was." "Damn it, Anson." "Then can I once again offer you a suggestion?" "Hmm." " What?" " This!" "Your disability?" "There was some tragedy involved here I assume." "Well, yeah, it was pretty tragic, I guess." "Me and Anson were playing mailbox baseball." "God, I miss that." "And Anson's driving." "I was leaning pretty far out the window there." "Oh..." "You mean this!" "Yeah, you're right." "I could wish for a solid gold wheelchair." "Man, that'd be sweet." "I see what you're saying." "But you know what?" "There's something I want more than that." "You're not gonna believe your eyes." "I certainly didn't." "You ready?" "Oh, he's, uh..." "He is invisible, after all." "Um..." "He's in there." "Okay." "You know what?" "He's creeping me out." "This isn't what I asked for." "He's all weird and messed up." " He's been hit by a truck." "What did you expect?" " Yeah." "I asked you to bring him back to normal." " You asked me to bring him back." " Okay, you know, this..." "Now he's starting to smell bad!" "This isn't what I wanted!" "He's gotta at least be able to talk." "You know what?" "That's my next wish." " Wish number two: :" "I wish Anson could talk." " No, you don't." "Yes, I do, and that's final!" "I wish Anson could talk!" "Done." "I should just shoot myself." "Oh!" "I was so happy." "I was so excited." "What was I thinking?" "An invisible man?" "You saw it." "It was real." "I don't know what I saw, Mulder." "I'm..." "I do know that having that kind of proof in my hands, it was just too good to be true." "I don't think that's why the body disappeared." "Why did the body disappear?" "I think it was a result of a wish being granted." "A wish?" "Whose wish?" "Who would want Anson Stokes back?" "I mean, really, really back?" "His brother, Leslie?" "Well, this is no good!" "What did you do to me?" "You're back from the dead, man!" "What kind of gratitude is that?" "What did you do to me?" "I wasted two wishes on you, that's what I did!" "I can't feel my heart." "I..." "I can't feel my blood." "I am yellow!" "I'm cold." "I'm cold." " You know what?" "Screw this." " I'm cold." " I'm cold." " I wasted two wishes on you... and a perfectly good bowl of cornflakes." "There, I turned the heat up!" "Are you happy now, huh?" "Are you happy?" "Is there anything else I can do for you there, buddy?" "What do you say?" "Maybe wipe your little yellow butt?" "Thanks for nothing." "You wanna make your third wish, champ?" "I'd like to get out of here before the blowflies hatch." "Yeah, I tell you what." "My last wish is gonna be for me, okay?" "It's gonna be for me." "You hear that, Anson?" "I wasted two wishes on you, and you don't even give a damn about that.!" "Okay." "All right." "Third wish." "Let's see." "I could wish for, uh..." "I could wish for money." "Everybody wishes for money." "Um..." "There's the invisibility thing." "I guess that turned out pretty stupid, though, huh, Anson?" "To be invisible!" "That was real smart, huh?" "Uh, X-ray eyes, maybe." "No, that isn't it." "Like you said, solid gold wheelchair." " Uh..." "Wait, I got it." "Legs!" "Would you mind removing your eyewear, ma'am?" "Do you have a name?" "Not for a long time, now." "How about if I call you Jenn?" "That's short forJinniyah." "The, uh, fire department just recovered two bodies." " Leslie Stokes and his brother Anson?" " Looks like it." "And, uh, Anson Stokes is visible now, of course." "But what I'd really love an explanation for... is how his corpse got from my locked morgue... all the way across town to the Mark Twain Trailer Park." "Ask him." "He's got it all figured out." "I know what he'd say." "He'd say that you're some kind of a genie... from a Thousand and One Nights or something like that..." " And that you grant people wishes." " There you have it." "One thing I haven't been able to figure out is whether you're a good genie or an evil one." "Everybody you come in contact with seems to meet a bad end." "That's the conclusion you've drawn?" "That I'm evil?" "Well, possibly evil." "Possibly cursed." "A curse to others." "The only thing you people are cursed with is stupidity." "All of you." "Everybody." "Mankind." "Everyone I have ever come into contact with without fail." "Always asking for the wrong thing." " You mean making the wrong wishes?" " Yeah." "It's always, "Give me money." "Give me big boobs." "Give me a big hoo-hoo." "Make me cool like the Fonz. "" " Or whoever's the big name now." " You've been out of circulation a long time." "So what?" "In 500 years, people have not changed a bit." "Five hundred years?" "Granted they smell better now, generally speaking." "But human greed still reigns... shallowness, a propensity for self-destruction." "You're saying that you have been a firsthand witness... to 500 years of human history?" "I used to be human." "I was born in 15th century France." "And then one day an old Moor came to my village peddling rugs." " And I unrolled one that an ifrit had taken residence in." " An "ifrit"?" "A very powerful class of genie." "He offered me three wishes." "For the first, I asked for a stouthearted mule." "For the second, uh, a magic sack that was always full of turnips." "Did I mention this was 15th century France?" "What was your third wish?" "My third..." "I pondered for a great while." "I didn't want to waste it." "So finally, feeling very intelligent, I spoke up, and I said..." ""I wish for great power and long life."" "And thus became a genie yourself." "Gave me the mark of theJinn..." "right there." "It's forever." "Sort of like a prison tattoo." "I should've been more specific." "So am I under arrest?" "I can't think of anything we have to hold you on." "Not surprisingly, we don't have any evidence of any of this, so, uh, I think she's free to go." "No, I'm not." "He unrolled me." "I get three wishes." "So, your partner left the airport rather quickly." "I don't think she likes me very much." "Oh, well, I don't think she knows what to make of you." " I don't... think I do either, really." "Well, you could always give up your three wishes." "I'll disappear." "No hard feelings." " I didn't think so." "So what's your first wish?" "Well..." "W-W..." "What would your wish be if-if you were in my place?" "I'm not you." "It doesn't matter." "No, but, you know, I just..." "I'd like to know." "I'd... wish that I never heard the word "wish" before." "I'd wish that I could live my life moment by moment, enjoying it for what it is instead of... instead of worrying about what it isn't." "I'd sit down somewhere with a great cup of coffee, and I'd watch the world go by." "But then again, I'm not you." "So I doubt that's your wish." "You know, I think I'm beginning to see the problem here." "You say that most people make the wrong wishes, right?" "Without fail." "It's like giving a chimpanzee a revolver." "This is because they make their wishes solely for personal gain." " Could be." " So the trick would be... to make a wish that's totally altruistic, that's for everyone." "So, um," "I wish for peace on Earth." "Peace on Earth." "That's it?" "What the hell's wrong with that?" "You can't do it?" "No." "I can." " It's done." "Oh, crap." "I guess I should have seen this coming!" "Scully." "Scully?" "Hello?" "Hello!" "Very good." "Genie!" " Genie!" "Whatever the hell your name is!" " Yes?" " What the hell is this?" " It's what you asked for..." "peace on Earth." "Listen." "You know damn well that's not what I meant." " You didn't specify." " This has nothing to do with specificity!" "You don't have to wipe out the entire population of the whole planet... just to affect a little peace on Earth and goodwill towards men." "Mmm, you didn't say, "Goodwill towards men."" "So you expect me to change the hearts of six billion people?" "No religion in history's been able to pull that off." "Not Allah or Buddha or Christ." "But you'd like me to do that in your name?" "So... what, you can feel real good about yourself?" "D-Did I say that?" "I..." "I didn't say that." "Mmm, how grotesquely egotistical of you." "I bet you wish you hadn't made your first wish." "Yes, I do, since you butchered the intent of that wish so completely." "And another thing." "I think you've got a really horrible attitude." "I guess that comes from being rolled up in a rug for the last 500 years." "But we're not all that stupid." "We're not all chimpanzees with revolvers." "I think there's another possibility here, and that's just that you're a bitch!" "Agent Mulder?" "Sir." "How did you get in here?" "Uh..." ""Whereas, I have one wish left... and desire to use it most effectively for the good of all mankind..."" "yadda, yadda, yadda..." ""here on this plane of existence. "" "Hmm." "What, are you a lawyer?" "Well, I have to be with you." "I'm gonna get this last wish perfect." "I'm not gonna leave you any loopholes." "I'm not gonna let you interpret this as an edict to bring back the Third Reich... or to make everyone's eyes grow on stalks." "Oh, geez." "And I was so looking forward to that." "Skinner called me, Mulder." "Is everything all right?" "You don't remember disappearing... off the face of the earth for about an hour this morning?" "No." "Then I guess everything's okay." "Mul..." "Could you give us a minute, please?" "Sure." "Like today?" "Wh..." " Where the hell'd she go?" " Boink!" "No." "It's gotta..." "It's gotta be hypnotism or mesmerism or something." "Scully, it is what it is." "You examined an invisible body, remember?" " I thought I did." " Oh!" "Mulder, all right." "Say..." "Say that you're right." "Say this is what it is." "Then what you're doing is extraordinarily dangerous." "You even said that yourself." "No, no, the trick is to be specific, to make the wish perfect." "That way everyone is gonna benefit." "It's gonna be a safer world, a happier world." "There's gonna be food for everyone, freedom for everyone, the end of tyranny of the powerful over the weak." " Am I leaving anything out?" " It sounds wonderful." " Then what's the problem?" " Maybe it's the whole point... of our lives here, Mulder, to achieve that." "I mean, maybe it's a process... that one man shouldn't try and circumvent with a single wish." "You ready?" "Yeah, I'm ready." "I can't believe you don't want butter on your popcorn." "Ew." "It's un-American." " Caddyshack, Mulder?" " It's a classic American movie." "That's what every guy says." "It's a guy movie." "Okay, when you invite me over to your place, we can watch Steel Magnolias." " So, um, what's the occasion?" "I don't know." "It just..." "felt like the thing to do." " Cheers." " Cheers." "I don't know if you noticed, but, um," "I never made the world a happier place." "Well, I'm fairly happy." "That's something." "And now our feature presentation." "So what was your final wish anyway?" "I'm all right" "Here you go."