"HALF A LIFE Romain Goupil 1982" "Anne Sylvie." "She died aged thirty." "This film here is kind of her story." "She was a tall and gorgeous brunette." "A student, a militant, she looked after high school students." "I first came across her in 66." "She was in charge of our theoretical and practical training." "I was secretly in love with her." "And was not the only one." "She was a tall and gorgeous brunette." "She died." "She committed suicide." "Dominique." "He died aged thirty." "This film here is kind of his story." "I had become a militant and he was my first recruit at Lycee Condorcet." "We were inseparable." "We did everything together." "One day, on the way back from a congress, he died in a car." "Pierre Louis." "Later, I became a film assistant." "I became aware of Pierre-Louis, who worked as a messenger for the production company." "He was an older militant." "I did my utmost to get him involved in the cinema." "We got there, he became assistant editor." "Later, one night, he committed suicide." "On the 23rd of March 1978..." "Michel's parents told me he had disappeared... leaving documents and money behind." "I shuddered." "Michel was all my political history and my sole friend." "The one with whom, from '66, we had shared our life of militancy." "Years and years of planning, dreams, illusions." "Hundreds of meetings, All the marches." "Michel and I, during all those years, were as one." "So I told his family he had gone walkabout... turned a new page." "I fully understood his leaving... because I too, on the 23rd of March also felt like that." "A few days previously, I had met Francine." "A gorgeous young miss, blonde and all." "And I went head over heels." "The US Embassy, a visa to run away." "The Embassy." "If she had known that years ago... we had attacked it with Molotov." "He was the one, who from the top of the stairs, explained the action." "Must forget Paris, where too many memories drag me back." "Like Proust's Madeleines, they still drill my consciousness." "Standing with him on the roof, in 1973..." "Unfurling a flag of the Vietcong." "I too wanted to leg it but I did not." "When he disappeared, I tirelessly threw myself into his search." "He had to be somewhere... and I his best mate was the one to find him." "Every week, false news, dodgy leads." "I did not want to think the worst." "It would be like agreeing to half my death." "Impossible." "And then one day we got the incontrovertible proof of his passing." "He had died on the 23rd of March 1978." "When I got to know of his death, sometime in 81, I decided to tell this story." "Our story." "It starts a long way back in 1964." "I was 14, my world was this house... and my two mates, Coyote and Baptiste." "I did not yet know Michel Recanati..." "I'd like to recount the tale, bit by bit... politics made our paths cross." "Baptiste, come here." "Silence!" "Hey boys, there are working folks here." "People who need to rest." "We're fed up of your noise." "Stay at home." "Can't your grandparents look after you?" "Do not disturb us, you hear?" "I am tired of those hooligans." "Help." "Help." "Thieves!" "At the time , all the time, I had two mates, Coyote and Baptiste." "We were 3, the gang of the Coyotes, I was the leader of the gang for sure." "At the time , I had two mates, Coyote and Baptiste." "We were 3, the gang of the Coyotes." "I was the leader of the gang for sure." "You're not serious." "Wait." "I was the boss." "Easy, I was the oldest." "Yea but I was the youngest." "I was the boss." "Well if the gang was named Coyote it had to be me." "yea maybe." "Then and forever." "I was living and dying with my two mates, Coyote and Baptiste." "Linked at the hip." "In our lives, we had two areas of interest." "Firstly, goofing off." "and secondly, find new ways to goof." "We had found something amazing to do that: cinema." "A mountain of film, an 8 mm camera... and we made small movies." "We made up storyboards, designed ideas, prepared ourselves... dressed up and filmed." "We were the technical staff and the actors." "Our sole weak point was money." "My two friends were always the heroes." "Coyote and Baptiste." "Races, persecussions, escapes." "We loved it all." "Until one day when I don't know why... my friends insisted that in our next piece... would be a love story." "And because there were two of them they wished for various love affairs." "I tried to resist." "My arguments were valid." "If we used friends as actresses things would get complicated." "And film was of premium import." "All our savings in fact." "Could no reshoot the same scene twice..." "Had to decide... which scene was truly important." "1964." "I must have been in school or college... do not remember for sure." "I can't remember if we were stuck in the classroom... deep in study, waiting for the holidays." "impatiently waiting." "Holidays meant film and filming." "A trip meant shooting time." "Always in Britanny, in Fourden, near Quimperle." "And this film of adventure, full of unexpected turns... was the final route into drama." "Coyote lost his only friend, Baptiste, pursued by the fuzz." "Lost his only love, my sister, a postal worker." "There was only one way out:" "suicide, death." "But thankfully, thanx to an Easter miracle, the school hols of 1965..." "Coyote came back to life for a new batch of adventures... in which once again he would face death." "During that time, we invented crazier and crazier tales... and if our lives had been an endless holiday... we would have carried on, from shoot to shoot." "But France was shaken up... by an important new political event." "1965." "The Presidentials." "De Gaulle versus Mitterrand in a second round..." "The Gaullists stayed in power." "1966." "Legislatives." "We would do anything to upset the gaullist candidate... who dared to stand in our neighbourhood" "We'd our our secret hideaway for a while now: the basement." "After much research we came up with a new weapon:" "Dirty bags of paint thrown at electoral posters." "But the enemy, although not all that astute, was organized, and numerous... efficient and motorized." "I started to question our avenging role... after much thought, if we, the 3 Coyotes... had gone into the fray, there had to be... other resistance groups." "One was the Communist party." "But apart from selling coupons and getting up early on a sunday... every sunday morning, to sell the Humanité paper... there was little else." "And at that rate, capitalist oppression could last for years." "It was clear that as a member of the CP... and they told me time and time again... that to sell coupons, and the Humanité paper, to get new memberships... was to further the idea of socialism in France." "What?" "Humanité paper...?" "Not that rag." "Try elsewhere." "But this sunday morning communist strategy..." "I questioned how it wasted... my thirst for social justice and my revolutionary ideals." "The questions and the doubts which assailed me on sunday afternoons... during political discussions with my dad." "Must have been 66 - 67." "a time during wich i met Sylvain and Pierre at a friend's house." "there were marathon discussions in those days... between you and dad about the CP and the Youth League." "At that time I thought that, they were in the JCR [Youth League]..." "Romain had to get in touch with them." "In the Youth League, at the political centre you read books?" "Yea I read books I read pamplets for two hours." " Political books?" " Sure; of course." "You read say, State and Revolution?" "Who by?" "Make sure you know what they are selling you" "We are not important, I agree, but only the party..." "But Marxism is not a rigid construct... it is a way of analysis." "And in this case... if you do not study the whole of Marx, etcétera... you cannot apply the technique." "In any case there was a groupuscule of 4 or 5 of us... and then, we had faith and we were revolutionaries and we were right... we were going to change the world and we had to convince intelligent people... so when we met folks... who could put up an argument, we discussed, we tried to flip them... we openly lied, made up tales... at meetings or in cafes." " the time we met." " the time we met.." "It is not a case of making people have solidarity with the Vietnamese... the fact that the Vietnamese die every day." "It is not about a Vietnamese revolution, but about a socialist revolution." "Integration into a socialist revolution." "Sure." "And what do you do?" "Us we go on marches with a banner for the Liberation Front!" "We don't..." "Sylvain and Pierre they convinced me... that the CP was no longer revolutionary." "So those were new arguments." "I used them straightaway with my dad." "And depending on his reactions" "I would keep chatting with the early members of the Youth League" "Seeing they were starting to use the camera... and since I was more proficient in that department, it was normal... because I was older and had more experience... that i gave a hand with filming." "they gave me the role of a stalinist..." "I had long ago made the analysis... which pulled me away from stalinism." "it was best to remove myself from those groupuscules" "Since they were not going to affect much." "If you think you are going to make a revolution with a bunch of kids... holding a few black banners... that is not going to get you where you want to be." "If you are serious about politics... go for an organized outfit, where they will form you... in a secure setup..." "the CP can do that for you." "I had made up my mind." "I would go with them." "Sylvain became my guide." "Took me to the first meeting... introduced me to Michel Recanati." "Michel surprised me." "Basically of the same age... but he had the looks of a leader already." "He clearly explained what was evident... about the lack of punch of the French CP." "Sylvain and Michel were in the same class at school, they could talk." "I was isolated in my Lycee." "Quickly I got in touch... with all the Lycees students banned by the Communist Youth League." "Went to the meetings." "exchanged experiences." "Often of a similar nature." "Bit by bit my opposition to the CP... met with theoretical support in those meetings." "In the Communist Youth League, my status was that of an observer." "So I observed." "More and more we thought the same." "It was an emotional discovery." "One day despite my reservations I went to the local meeting" "There I met Alain Bureau and Anne Sylvie." "They were in charge... to set up training in the Lycees." "At first, you had to go to the schoolgates..." "How I met Michel and others." "At Lycee Jacques Decour?" "Yes round there the park nearby." "Also with Najman, maybe with you." "There were a few Lycees, Voltaire, Charlemagne... but you were in charge of the Lycees" "In charge is an overstatement." "The truth is there was a need... to bite the bullet and organize the Lycees." "to start the circles, the groups." "I took part in many meetings." "The aim: to form ourselves... give ourselves bases of Marxist analysis and then automatically one day... it is exactly what happened: my first presentation." "I was shy, looked at my notes and got going:" "Cuba is an island in the Caribbean... and I went into geography mode." "Castro and Guevara did not even get a mention... but I told them all about sugar." "I was blushing when i stopped." "Michel saved me." "It was a bit academic, but a good start." "Much later, Michel would return to the topic." "It became a joke." "He would say: before you speak remember Cuba" "And as we grew a whole new life appeared... with the training schools, reunions, circles, presentations... we held work sessions, read books, gave info... badly, for sure." "At the same time, it was an eye-opener on the world..." "compared to the official version of History compared to the tales they told us in school." "We saw new things, or we felt we were... got the impression we understood, what was going on... and so we could foresee a possibility of change." "you have to see it was 67 and there were no signs anything would ever change." "The feeling was society was immutable and eternal, nothing would change it." "Now I am living like I have opened something and shut other things... that I should have experienced as a teen." "And that i did not." "There was this dimension, we felt was really important." "and Michel?" "Michel, had this really serious side, political, reflective... he was not the one for fun... you did not sing with him, did not play guitar... he was reserved, cold." "Blocked." "He was a worker and with him, I had a work rapport." "Also we saw a lot of each other... outside politics, evenings, weekends." "A lot." "Parties in Saint Leu, in the home of Anne and Charlotte." "At that time..." "I was really in love with him, I was spellbound... by the personality, the leader... by his political baggage." "There he was really serious, it terrified me... as did almost all the other militants... all the ones who knew so much... who had read Marx, Lenin, Trotsky... had it all at their fingertips..." "I knew nothing, I was scared of their culture, of their knowledge." "They impressed me a lot." "I was only 17." "Had the feeling we were living what others were not." "Even more outside in our friendships, and the bedroom... than in politics." "do you remember Michel in those evenings?" "Yes he was in the group he was there... at the same time, as if removed, shutdown... compared to guys like you or Paul André... of whom I have extrovert memories... they did a lot." "They reached you... did things..." "Michel, was always for me a reserved guy." "Could not really talk to him... or horse around." "When we talked it was business." "It's true we were always the same group." "And yea there were love affairs to put it that way." "Flirting and things of that type, at that time things did not last... and so at a certain point i got to know Michel." "outside militancy and the Communist Youth League." "My memories are a touch you know vague on all that... could not have lasted long." "He was not a lot of fun... in those relationships, always real serious." "He must have had... a very idealized image of women." "And here is what he wrote in his diary on the 7th Feb 67..." "Since this is the recounting of unhappy goings-on, let's do it." "Tonight I met with Rosette." "I love her." "I am scared." "Not sure where friendship and love start and stop here." "I need to be passive with women." "When on holiday or when I am sloshed it is easy." "I do nothing, just let myself be carried by indolence and alcohol." "But when I have to take charge, I do not know." "I feel guilty." "My love is summarized as a concoction of the mistakes I make and do not make." "Then they pass away; it has to do with my inhibitions..." "Sexual impotence, no doubt, but why?" "Today I see her and want to kiss her, step in the right direction." "It is a little and a lot." "Everything or do it all over like before." "Hide in the meetings, the virility of the verb... or political impotence." "Tired of it." "I want to love." "I love her." "Impotent Love" "I am sick of making love to the meetings." "I am too rehearsed." "Free yourself." "I always walk away from chicks in a cool and sudden fashion... but I build up epic love stories love with a capital I... and I look for a receptacle after fact." "Rosette, I love you." "How to describe the times: heavy, hypocritical, unhealthy." "Take a look at bra ads in 66... or leaf through porn mags of that time." "a pubic hair was an event." "There was a moral order." "Abortion and the pill?" "Virtual dirty words." "Me for example had found a trick to score condoms." "To buy nuts in a joke shop." "Grim times!" "I looked at female highschool students as if they were younger than me... and when I wanted to know one... the dice was loaded against me with Coyote and Baptiste." "There remained only one way." "Try and recruit potential lovers... and turn them into militants." "Politics started to take over." "Had no time left for movies." "And movies had to be political now." "Church on top, army barracks to the side, police buildings all around." "Everything was oriented around Marxist thought." "Spain, fascist country." "Priests, army and cops crushed the people." "Vampire of the State it fed off the suburbs." "We filmed the Poor." "Sea-level, near the port, by the shore." "An artist must stand up for the exploited... this architectural model was enough for me." "I thought filming injustice was an attack on the Bourgeois." "And then before we left, we hit a new idea... for a feature." "We still had 60 meters of film." "1967." "Back from ibiza." "Took the film to the lab." "Link up with the mates who were back from holiday... meet with Michel and above all eat again." "Had had no food for a month... so as not to leave money in a fascist country." "Slept in an abandoned bus." "Had got thru a whole month on 200FR" "But even thin and weak had got to know a woman who had let me share her bed some nights." "the first time since I was 16." "1967." "I had become Michel Recanati's right arm." "Him at Lycee Decour, and me at Lycee Condorcet." "We had weaved our web across all the Paris Lycees." "The trick was simple." "Starting from support to the Vietnamese... we unrolled our propaganda... over the role of US Imperialism... from Capitalism to the Gaullist state." "Our aim was to create pro-Vietnamese committees." "And, to coopt the most advanced militants to the Communist Youth League." "Michel and I transmuted quickly from militants to leaders... from observers to instigators." "Discovering a new feeling between thrill and full-blown fear." "We had been put in charge of protecting the car of the Leader of the Black Panthers." "On the back of our mopeds, we were bodyguards, proud vigilantes." "Assassination of Che Guevara." "Michel recorded the meeting:" "We did not care if Death took us, she would be welcome... if our warcry reached another... and another hand came out to grab our gun... and that other guys rose up to take over the funeral chant... to the sound of machine guns and new war and victory cries." "Die standing up better than live on your knees ." "A Lycee student , Nuen Van Troi, had been shot in Saigon." "We unfurled the flag of the Vietcong on the roof of our school." "And, Lycee Condorcet, how is it all going?" "Ace." "Moving along ." "Should have seen the mess." "we picketed the Lycee... to go to the march." "So they would know about it." "They did not know what was a strike picket." "Was incredible, they did not know what to do." "But they got in?" " No." "The problem was the Headmaster appeared as we linked up with the others." "He saw me and i was supposed to be home suspended for 4 days." "That's a real pain." "They gonna kick you out?" "Yea but then it got good..." "In the evening, they had to shut the Lycee." "Come in." "Here is the student you requested." "Let him enter." "Come in." "Those pamphlets have been made available to me." "What were you up to on the 13th of Dec in front of the school?" "I don't know ; getting my books." "Liar." "I saw you block your colleagues from entering." "But if you think I shut the Lycee down due to you..." "You are severely mistaken." "I did it as the heating was broken." "I think you know why you were sent home." "You may leave." "Warnings, threats." "The management did not tolerate political agitation." "Vietnam committees, antifascist struggle, support of general strikes." "Strikes against ""School as Barracks"." "It was over the top." "An example had to be made." "Disciplinary session." "To us it was clear, Daggers were drawn... threat of expulsion, demonstration." "We were 500 outside the Lycee, asking for my reintegration." "The police tried to stop us." "Michel spoke up and announced new actions." "Disciplinary session." "I was hardly allowed to pipe up." "The man in charge told me at the door:" "You should have said nothing, anyway, good luck." "I wept." "I had been expelled." "We had mobilized all the Lycees." "We wanted to occupy Condorcet, but the gates held out." "Exclusion, explosion." "We got our revenge on the cops." "Beautiful confusion." "So I was out, no Lycee." "Teachers did not protest." "Or the CP." "All cowards." "Did not surprise me. a teacher is a guard, a guard-dog." "I wasn't worried." "The teachers professed left-wing inclinations... but respected and enforced a cursus devoid of interest." "A chasm between words and practice." "I hate teachers, they are the worst... at least the Head, Pastoral staff, I get it." "But them they could refuse... but no , they accept... and worse even they choose to accept." "The only one on my side was my mum." "I have always known her, she has always backed me up... and this time, we really had fun." "Instigator, leader." "In February 68 I was losing faith." "And" "The Head at Lycee Voltaire made me swear off politics." "I replied "Yes, but"." "But it was a yes." "I was alone, knew no one." "Had to start from scratch." "I had in mind to write the story of a highschool student..." "Blaise Chartrier, who has always had two mates, Coyote and Baptiste and who..." "IN DEPARTMENT STORES I BUY EVERYTHING WITH MY EYES SHUT" "You, get up." "february 1968." "Against "School Barracks", in favour of freedom of expression... my beeing removed had led to the creation of CAL" " Committee for School Action." "We had created a new organization... which did not stop me from feeling weak and isolated." "Michel Recanati, on the other hand, was full of beans." "He had been to Berlin on an international march to support Vietnam." "He enthused to me about it." "Thousands of demonstrators from all countries..." "The meetings, the discussions." "Rudi Dutschke, the famous leader of the German Students." "The way he prepared a demonstration, prepared the route... how and why." "This was very different from what we had inherited from the CP." "He brought back from Berlin ideas and plans which broke away from our methods." "From this march on February 17th... the Youth League comrades who had attended... 250 to 300... brought a rich experience which they put to good use virtually on their return... 21st of Feb." "Leaflets, dummies set on fire and the famous banners with letter of fire." "Everything had to be reinvented we were the ones to do it." "Michel, Coyote, Baptiste and I." "We had our examples, our masters." "Me, I admired the security guys." "They knew everything and before anyone." "The secret, the power." "We marched against Fouchet, against selection, against "school barracks"." "Michel gave his second speech for CAL [Committee for School Action]." "The Cinematheque." "I came out through the broken window of the Langlois room." "Fought with the CRS Republican Guards." "2nd of Feb. Demo for the Victory of Vietnam." "7 th." "With the Maoists... against a fascist meeting at Mutualité... we saw our first teargas." "We decided to meet in one place, came out elsewhere in our hundreds." "And on the 20th of March... a march led by CVN... inscribing itself as even more extreme... as it was semi-clandestine." "no one there until minutes beforehand." "then suddenly, hundreds in the heart of the street." "Noise of broken shop-windows, paint-bombs." "First commando raid." "At the end of the demonstration, I was taken prisoner... and it gave rise... to student mobilizing in Nanterre a university West of Paris... which led to the creation of the 22nd of March Movement." "The actual 22nd of March Movement, to be precise." "Suddenly, drama, Rudi Dutschke is shot by a fascist." "On that day, it was as if they had shot one of us." "So, instant mobilization." "Michel and I were integrated in the Security Detail... pockets bulging with bolts and stones." "Looking for aggro, as in Berkeley, Rome, Warsaw, Tokyo." "It escalated." "1 st May 1968." "Trade Union CGT says it wants no students on the march." "I came face to face with a former CP cell colleague." "I waved." "He hit me." "We were not yet rabid... but we were the provos, the leftists." "2nd of May." "Nanterre shuts down." "3rd." "The Sorbonne follows suit." "Fights break out in the Latin Quarter." "4th, Saturday." "Meeting of all Lycee members... under the presidency of Michel Recanati." "All good ?" "Yea cool." "Comrades, The Committee of Lycees Action... has decided to call this extraordinary session." "To summarize, for the ones who are not yet aware... that some of our comrades were made prisoners on the 3rd of May... after the events in the Latin Quarter... the group of student comrades... and some political organizations mobilized... as a Security Service in the yeard of the Sorbonne, the Police entered... and after the arrests, a few flash demonstrations took place... and violence erupted in the Latin Quarter." "so now we need to planify as to what the Lycees... intend to do to maintain mobilization... which started with Uni students... and to make sure it all echoes and spreads to Lycees too." "May." "We are in May, The start of 68." "For Michel and I, this was not the start of a movement, but its continuation." "the daily furthering of political clarification." "and it was about setting up strike committees." "On this day, Michel, comrade Recanati... used all the backlog of learning we had acquired... to carry the fight against the other factions." "the challenge here was paramount as it would decide the direction of The Movement." "The first port of call is the modality of the strike, since it is about strike." "A certain number of Lycees are already striking so now we need to see..." "I please ask the comrade Anarchists, given the gravity of the situation... that they keep quiet they will have a right to reply... but may they listen to the arguments of others." "To try and see..." "Since it is about strike ... in which ways we can further extend strike action." "In the morning, we have to be in Lycees to organize further strikes." "and if that allows us ... this I believe is for us the sine qua non requirement... to be involved later on in the student marches." "But as long as we have not put down thwe groundwork in Lycees... we will be powerless." "What the Anarchists are asking for is simply to surrender." "The directive was clear: stay in the Lycees and organize." "I did not fight it." "Monday, 6th of May, with Coyote and Baptiste... and a small camera." "We are there for the first dust-up." "The next day, I attended class, ceaselessly flashing back to what we had seen." "Still hearing the grenades and the crackling noise of a burning house." "Come on!" "Hurry Hurry!" "All down to Denfert Rochereau !" "At first, groups were small... with each new Lycee, hundreds more highschool students joined us." "We crisscrossed the city." "So all would make their way to Denfert Rochereau" "Always wielding the camera... and if I was not addressing the crowd, I was filming." "High up on the lion, haging over the multitude of demonstrators... all the leaders vied for access to the megaphone:" "Najman, Michel, myself, Baby, Renais, Savignat, all said the same." "The aim was to talk the longest to stop the others from doing so." "10th of may." "It was going to be history." "Geismar, Sauvageot, Cohn-Bendit." "Who of the Lycees guys was going to be at their side:" "Recanati, Najman or me?" "the import seemed to us crucial." "At that time Michel did not like me or us.." "from the small group of friends and comrades at Lycee Decour." "He thought our militancy work lacked seriousness." "And also he did not like... and that was to do with the way he saw life... there was also adolescent rivalry..." "He did not like the way we went out, we danced, our way of dressing." "we were really into all that at the time." "and he did not like the way we dealt with girls." "All this personal opposition, all those frustrations, rivalry... ended up all being channelled into the emerging Lycee movement... when it came to the question of control." "Then came a pact agreed with Michel, sidestepping Najman." "Recanati became the spokesperson for the Lycee Movement before the Press." "in return he helped me get rid of Savignat who was bothering me at Lycee Voltaire." "The Pretty Month of May 10th of May, Friday." "The Night of the Barricades, the insurrection." "It was May 1968." "Barricades." "Burning cars, the paving stones... huge student demonstrations." "Republican Guards CRS=SS, Paris Burning." "For us, it was the logical next step to our political meetings." "We had been studying the October Revolution for months." "Rosa Luxemburg, Lenin, Trotsky..." "Class Struggle, general strike, insurrection." "All the process seemed natural to us." "We pursued our work of instigators." "And what could be better than translate theory to practice?" "We had been the fuse... we just needed the Working Class to enter the fray." "Sine qua non element." "13th of May 1968." "One million on the streets." "Occupation of factories, ten millions on strike... we had no illusions as to the continuation of The Movement." "We were already seeing the potential failures due to the counterrevolutionary role of the CP." "And arrived at this conclusion:" "We had to roll up our sleeves... and build a proper revolutionary party." "May 68 was the dress rehearsal." "And everything you saw about May I only found out about it later on... in films, books photos." "I never was at the Odeon." "Never noticed a placard or a graffiti." "as regard conviviality I saw none of that." "Only a prerevolutionary period during which we reinforced the organization." "And from here all the catfights with the other groups... to gain leadership of The Movement." "The removal of Najman and others to gain control of the SchoolStudent Action Committees [CAL]." "I helped Recanati and we were brothers-in-arms." "and the fact that we were 2... in a milieu where the struggle for domination and leadership are daily... added to it all handsomely." "We split the workload." "He took leadership..." "I chose to muck around in the Lycees, do the groundwork." "Hey you're awake?" "What time ?" "Dunno cannot see the clock from here." "Fucking school..." "Was not really ready to sleep here." "Not quite." "Ha anyway not too bad." "What we up to today?" "Dunno all committee members are knackered not a lot we can do ." "Apart from the demonstration tonight." "I think the committee has decided to use female students." "they decided yesterday... to deal with Lycee Sophie Germain also Lycee Victor Hugo..." "Everyday, committee meetings." "Organizing occupation... and going round the Lycees for plenary meetings." "so at Lycee Decour there are meetings held every half an hour." "and every student could put his point of view... on what has been happening during the day... or give info." "It was a rather small strike committee, 17 members... totally removed from the rest of the Lycee, they gave orders... which were no longer followed." "Since they were cut off from the rest of the students." "Michel was the CAL on the 13th he was at the head of the march... with the other Movement Leaders." "UNEF, SNESUP, 22nd of March Movement and for the CAL, Michel Recanati." "Our pact was working." "Najman was in the second row." "I think is is fundamental for the school student committees... that they hold a political position which translate... into a concrete and moral solidarity with the workers." "I want to show another side ..." "Debates raged in the occupied Lycees." "At Lycee Decour, Michel organized the occupation distributed the tasks... among militants of the Communist Youth League to try and hold on to strike committee leadership." "As regards Najman, he went to the schoolyards for long discussions." "to try and stem our growing influence." "I am in no way interested in the perpective you offer... if it is not the perspective of the Working Class." "So I am going to say." "In the age of Guy Mollet..." "You are right about Guy Mollet, You are right about Mitterrand... they're gangsters, we are on the same page-." "Fortunately, then came the demos." "Discussions stopped." "Then it was fights, adventure." "I would reacquaint with, Coyote and Baptiste." "We horsed around." "I was your age in 1936... and for me this here is a mirror..." "Bit by bit, The Movement ran out of steam." "The main trade union CGT and CP... blocked the advances of the workers mobilization ." "We started to feel isolated... and the idea of the leftist provos followed its course." "The government spoke up again." "After De Gaulle's speech... the workers organizations sped their return to work." "We were in June, May 68 was over." "...the deserter of national and republican legitimacy." "In the last 24 hours..." "I scanned all possible outcomes... which would allow survival ." "I have made up my mind." "As things stand I am not going to withdraw." "Progress, independence and peace... will have a better chance with freedom." "It is the final fight..." "End of May." "Michel and I take a gander... into our first dodgy and paranoid theories." "A Putsch is in the realm of possibilities... even if only for a couple of days." "With which army ?" "The one moving around the country as we speak." "Yes but they are on holiday." "well, take my word, the military that moved out of the barracks at Vincennes... is the detachment which replaced the paratroops and all that." "In any case we have the info on all this... some guys were called by the 2nd division... to take part in close combat." "True they refused being called up this morning..." "Today is now or never... we'd like to see as little damage as can be it depends if the army moves in... into the Schools Townhalls the Sorbonne everywhere..." "July 1968." "We stopped talking politics." "We'd had our fill." "We met every night both of us down St Michel area... we would buy an icecream and walk all the way to St Michel Square... the icecream man would sell us two cones." "Every night back and forth, back and forth." "I told him about my plan of a film about a revolting Lycee student." "I had a title:" "From revolt to revolution." "Our friendship amazed others." "We were different and even so... every night we found things we both loved and hated." "I slightly mistrusted the organization." "He held it in blind faith." "But together we hated house-parties... snobs, Maoists... stalinians we hated fascists... we loved Italian icecream..." "Le Monde, Anthropologist Anne Hocquenghem..." "Anne Sylvie, pear liqueur, the actions of the security service." "We adored scuba diving, and cinema." "How to best communicate how sure of ourselves we were." "68 had even strengthened this feeling." "We were triumphalist and sectarian." "Nothing and no one could make us doubt." "We organized our holidays decided we would go together to the deep South... when one night we heard about secret plans to go to a different country." "Destination: a nearby country." "We were asked at a clandestine Central Committee meeting." "Ritual order of the day:" "Summary and perpective." "To get ready for the back to school period and reorganize the Action Committee for Schools in the next term." "And when school started up again it was still heated." "Still 1968." "We edited a Lycee journal." "I looked after printing." "We had space in one edition, faithful to the current mood" "I wrote a poem... about the preoccupations of the JCR Communist Youth League." "The reflection will stop when we shall take up the struggle again... and we are able to take unified and offensive action as we are today." "against the daily pressures put upon us by the administration... the only solution is to hold on to the victories of May." "Out of the Lycee leaders I was the only one still there." "At meetings, at plenary sessions I was the mouthpiece of the Central Committee line." "and its decision ... "We need to organize ourselves"." "Although I disagreed with this position... as a good Bolshevik, I towed the line." "I thought that on the contrary we needed to develop the Action Committee for Schools... to turn them into a youth organization... anti-imperialist, anti-capitalist." "Michel was scared we would be swamped... he thought we should concentrate on recruitment... of our organization proper even if it meant sabotaging The Movement." "It was the time of the Red Committees." "Disciplined , I acquiesced and bit by bit the Action Committee for Schools disappeared." "On day in 1969, i called up the students at Lycee Voltaire." "Order of the day:" "a sort of testimony." "I explained that Lycee students were the only ones still fighting... that we would be the only ones facing the repression... that it would be better for us to organize as a political outfit." "I distributed my latest pamphlet:it said" "Comrades, the problem of the socialist revolution is posed thus." "This target creates tasks, a huge amount of spade work... only the emancipation of the proletariat will dissolve the contradictions of capitalism." "I always set those aims but in other sectors." "See you soon." "Have courage." "I told my father." "He said he was retiring from the cinema and moving to the country." "I was 18, him hardly twice that." "I left schools to make movies." "First shoot, a failed movie." "I wanted to tell the story of the CAL , but I was not proficient with the camera ." "Second shoot, From revolt to revolution." "Here is the plot." "Inside a small room, high-ceilinged, a young boy stands straight and silent..." "Our hero, Blaise Chartrier." "Facing him a little man... dry, dapper, a police inspector." "He fills in a form." "paragraphs are distinct and separate... with signed and dated sections." "Suddenly, the writing veers off and the phrases spin out." "He carries writing and fixes the boy in surly manner." "The gazes silently meet." "The civil servant takes his ruler and crosses out the mangled phrase." "the boy keeps his eyes down." "Sees the edge of the writing desk, sees marks." "We see the scene he is thinking of, a man is being questioned." "The bastards..." "These are teeth marks." "The boy's gaze quickly peruses all the furniture." "You deny your boy threw an applecore in the garden of..." "Monsieur Burel, who lives at 189 Rue Ordener." "Sign here Lady." "On the way out of the police station, the boy thinks as he walks:" "the windows have grilles on them... and it is through the grille that a bomb can be placed." "Then, roll credits." "Ten years go by, we find him again with his two friends:" "Coyote and Baptiste." "Next we see Blaise in 1965, pulling down a poster of the UNR." "SAC [Civic Action Service][Fascist Organization] happens on the scene." "Fight ensues." "I explained all those scenes... and suggested to Michel he plays the student." "He was surprised." "Hesitated, broke into a madman's laughter." "He refused..." "But agreed to help me write the dialogue... and so in 1969, we got together to bit by bit... put together the story of Lycee rebellions in 1967." "What we set out to do in the storyboard... was not a reenactment... but a discussion over the general assembly of the CVL [Lycee Committee] Remember?" " First Lycee action." " On the 27th..." " 28th of Feb." " You are right 28th." "So we took some Lycee students on a march; but not a pedestrian one... like the ones the CP had got us all used to... but one with police aggro." "I would like to underline the fact that... we had done as many marches for Vietnam as one would want." "It was a surprise." "First time we had gone into illicitness." "That we came face to face with cops who were ready to lash out." "Knowing that in spite of everything, it was novel for internal politics." "and the shape of things to come." "And something else must be mentioned." "What happened after the demo." "Humphrey, when he came to Paris." "The fact that Baby was recognized in the photos... trying to burn a US flag and a guy tried to kick him out all that." "Mobilizations happened over that... things could move on over this." "Ha yea I had forgotten about Baby..." "Sylvain was the first Communist Youth League guy I had met in 66." "Michel who had won me over to the cause and had become my best friend." "During these work sessions we were reconstructing the Lycee journey... from revolt to revolution." "How could I imagine the Michel would end his days?" "I don't know, here we stop." "To carry on with the discussion..." " It can be done later." " In five years' time..." "No not 5." "But for now, we can drop it." "My dad behind the camera." "Me in front, shooting started." "But problems escalated." "Not enough dosh... and a political climate which required our militancy." "At first it was not easy... to secure the organization outside schools and unis." "Much will was required." "One evening Michel and I totted up the number of meetings we had attended." "we found 96." "1969." "Almost a hundred in a week." "The struggle to be seen and recognized came at a price." "Easter 1969." "Shared a trip to Britanny." "In exchange for info on the political situation... my father put hammer and sickle in our hands." "We were come what may the vanguard... and as leaders, the vanguard of the vanguard." "and as Trots, the vanguard of the vanguard of the van..." "He did not stop my sisters from taking the piss out of his large nose... and my dad tagging us as extremist petty-bourgeois." "Michel and I were re-imagining the world... especially since the departure of De Gaulle... made Workers mobilization a possibility ." "Victory would be from the street and not the ballot box." "Elections = ripoff for the masses." "Krivine [Trotskist] became a presidential candidate." "An electoral farce." "For me, finally a way to combine cinema and politics." "If you want to see democracy in France... if you wish to see our country headed to socialism... vote Jacques Duclos on the first of June." "flush leftists down the loo!" "flush leftists down the loo!" "We must not stop at the electoral perpective." "Tomorrow new struggles will open up in this country." "Pompidou, Poher or Deferre leading the state..." "Merge cinema with politics." "The situation made it possible for me to work on a just idea." "End of fairytale, fiction." "Forward with militant moviemaking." "Before many filmmakers had used their knowhow... to serve the revolution." "Jacques Kébadian was an early militant of the Communist Youth League... and i could now sample and use their experience." "I want to emphasize the fact that the first thing we did was on the SDS in Berlin... and demo for Vietnam." "It was the first practical militant cinema effort." "We were in the cutting room when they shot Rudi Dutschke." "And later, we were filming in Nanterre... when May events blossomed." "1968." "I had shot much but no premeditation." "Filming the events, but no editing." "It was hard to make political films suiting various factions." "There was a danger of finding a lower common denominator." "That time, on the Krivine campaign... as militants of the same outfit... we could hope to reach much further." "but yet the film remained unfinished." "We were not cineasts, but mere witnesses." "Slowly it was turning into panegyric worship;" "We were getting lost." "Not a single worker in Paris or elsewhere shouted:" ""Mitterrand in power"." "And why that is... is that Mitterrand at that time was not near power but under the table." "We were never held back by objectivity." "But between self-censorship and triumphalism... obstacles were always there." "At least I was learning to yield the camera." "I was testing the equipment, zoom lenses, close-ups." "how to be stable, wide shots." "To hold my breath." "Wide shots, fixed shots." "How to stand... and especially to film my friends." "my friend." "Today, may 1969, ten days before the electoral campaign... a year after May 1968, what do we see?" "We've only just started; the struggle carries on..." "We've only just started; the struggle carries on..." "We've only just started; the struggle carries on..." "Experienced militants had worked through the night." "A few minutes before it started, Michel and I made a wager." "We win we are thousands." "Like a large Red Mass." "On that night, we could sing, we were no one now we are everything." "On the one hand, the Bourgeois army and police are no more democratic..." "They are imploding!" "On the other hand, and it is paramount... to destroy this Bourgeois army and police ... the workers need an armed force... stronger than the Bourgeois army and police ." "need a better armed and stronger army than the Bourgeois." "It means that we will concretely be able to get rid of this parallel force ... of the official police, and the secret fascist police groups... only when we will have a strong workers police force capable... not just to talk, but to liquidate the Bourgeois police." "We've only just started; the struggle carries on... !" "We've only just started; the struggle carries on..." "We've only just started; the struggle carries on..." "The new generation needs to march behind the red flag... with the hammer and sickle..." "And soon; in the coming months... behind guns and machine-guns, then they will get to Victory and Revolution." "We were the ones who would wield those guns and machine-guns." "We would be the ones, in the frontline, and would give the example." "May 1968, may 1969, the struggle carries on." "We had to carry on." "No plans to give up ever rose up." "But the move from agitator to full-blown revolutionary that was real." "Michel and I had just taken the plunge." "Workers of Renault-Flin... the militants of the Communist League are setting up a meeting." "Comrades, the elections will get us nowhere... this is why we militate, for a socialist regime... so that workers have better living conditions." "We want to show a coherent front... the voice of revolutionary militants who in May 1968... shook the Regime, shook the strong State." "Krivine's campaign allowed Michel... higher responsibilities than Lycee duties." "Yes sure Krivine's campaign insofar as the organization got wider... qualitatively, there was a shortage of cadres... and the like so there was a headhunt... which was led carefully." "Michel it became apparent... was the right leadership stuff." "And was brought up into management... with a view to make him a leader." "The electoral farce was not a game." "We were on our knees." "Summer 1969." "On holiday with Pascale Weber..." "I used that time to improve on framing and lighting." "Also I met someone i shall call Dragonfly." "The start of an extended love affair." "What am i gonna tell you?" "That we were on holiday, Michel, myself, Coyote and Baptiste..." "Pascale and Henry Weber." "We were taking advantage of our holiday with the leader... to give him a political lecture... the time for improvizing for the organization was over... it had to mature as regarded its Workers Militia." "Riot Police Training Follow the Law." "Disperse." "Disperse, we are going to use force." "Marcellin was training his troops." "Inside the barracks Republican Guard CRS were staging mock marches." "We were following the insurrection path." "If we want to duplicate 1917... we have to trust the Security Service." "the political conception we had then... gave much import... to what we called extraparliamentary action... well, outside the law, illegal." "we were sure that... quickly, but not immediately, at medium term... we would get to direct action." "Fighters were not enough, we needed folks... able to se up political action, coups, in which violence was present..." "It was a must." "We were aware of... we had discussed it, others too." "So we got going, during the following years we realized... we had got commando units... like a small private army." " and there Michel..." " was one of the guys in charge." "He was part of high command." "and had to be accountable to the Political Bureau." "With you too, but he was the one in charge... who had organized this security service, at this level." "Yes absolutely." "So our first outing had to be flawless." "Michel with a talkie-walkie." "On the ground." "On the roofs, Coyote, Baptiste and I through the ropes." "On the street they pulled the banners." "Pull, ordered Michel." "We pulled. 8th of october, anniversary of Guevara." "We had pulled off a spectacular and audacious coup." "14th of November 1969." "7 in the morning." "50 militants come out of the metro." "No one knows where from." "We surprise the Police" "Paint-bombs, slogans." "We attack the South-Vietnamese Consulate." "We fly the Vietcong flag over enemy territory." "Again successful." "Lunchtime the same day." "From Lycee to Lycee led by Michel... we create a motorcade headed for the Sacré Coeur." "the cops will be surprised and we fell proud... the pamphlet haded the next day... talks about technical details and hardly mentions Vietnam." "Our first military faux-pas." "revolutionary militants understand that... to capsize a violent society... you have to use the violence of the masses... in order to eradicate the Bourgeois state... and to do away with all causes of violence... by which is meant , exploitation of man by man." "We are not preconizing the violence of the masses..." "We favour the violence of a minority. let us give an example." "Argentina kills, we raid the Embassy." "England represses, we raid the consulate." "The State condems:" "Red paint-bombs." "Franco's Spain kills:" "Iberia Airline gets hit." "The South Vietnamese representative, general Ky, stays in París." "Surveillance day and night." "Gets out of his car, we cover him in paint." "His bodyguards reach for their holsters." "The police is looking for us." "We are invisible." "With Michel, we always thought... we could have used something more than paint... but the training was the same." "Bit by bit, the operations... helped us hone a well-oiled security service." "Groups and sub-groups... we were getting more military." "The far-right kept us on our toes the whole time." "In Unis, Lycees, streets, everywhere... we tried to crush the brown plague in the egg." "The sewers are overflowing in France, the scum is rising again." "This scum... offers us in this beautiful month of May... to think of ourselves as German Jews." "But no... for the ones of us who have been nationals for dozens of centuries... we are no German Jews." "the majority of our anti-fascist actions were not public... but when confronted with major provocation... we put up a unified front against the far-right." "During this meeting, the speeches of the manager of extreme-right paper "Minute"... representing German neonazism and Franco's Spain." "Nazi Scum!" "to follow this scum is a shame!" "Security services of the extreme left, led by Michel... try to scatter the gathering, and came face to face with the CRS." "in the meantime, home with Dragonfly." "I lived here a long time with Romain, who was a friend... of Michel's who came along each week, for the meetings..." "Ok start again?" "Later..." "Often, I waited for them... put food together... and then,they would play interminable games of poker... and told their tales." "Which tales ?" "What sort of stories ?" "Punch-ups... with the Right." "What amazed about Michel at the Political Bureau was how... everything mattered to him." "How he was involved in all he did... sometimes he lacked perspective." "took it all personally including the mistakes." "Conversely, how buzzed he was when it came out well." "Well... this is how we thought of him as a prospective Lycee leader." "What i term his rigor... it was very striking." "And sometimes we discussed that fact that maybe, we had made a mistake... to help his quick rise at the Political Bureau... because he went straight from Lycees to the Political Bureau." "I mean, professional militancy, 15 hours a day." "Full-time." "That was his all life." "Going back to his flat..." "I found all the paperwork, all the notes... rigorous, complete, classified... the minutes of the Central Committee meetings... of the Paris leadership, of the political Bureau." "There was a need to keep track of all those massive mobilizations ... it meant hours days and nights of discussion." "If some of the meetings bore him he derived great pleasure out of planning the marches." "looking for new tricks for the organizing of those demos." "République-Nation, Nation-Bastille, Bastille-République." "Decorations, bands, present us in a new light." "May 1971." "Anniversary of the Paris Commune." "He was put in charge of this huge Paris gathering." "From dawn that day he organized the security detail." "Had to coordinate everything." "The night was devoted to rehearsal of the slogans and the evening party." "How to receive foreign delegations." "Planning the march." " You will overcome..." " We will overcome!" "A demonstration, to us... to him, was a group of moving security service units.." "protecting the head of the march... the positioning of the foreign delegations... the handing out of sound equipment and megaphones... control of adjacent streets the roofs... coordinating decoration paraphernalia... planning for offensive equipment in case... van hire... organizing control points... collecting all huge banners... who would carry them... make sure the back of the demo is under protection too... liaise all these disparate groups... staying in touch through walkie talkie, map of the cemetary... make sure flowers had been bought, make sure they were in place... get a stand for the meeting... protect leaving vehicles, make sure the mikes were brought in and who did that." "a public protesting against the Internationale being sung as Blues." "1871-1971." "Maybe a century behind." "Summer. 1971." "Miracle." "No more meetings." "The end of talks." "Silence." "Sun." "On day Michel, at siesta time, confides." "You know, he says, but do not tell anyone." "And I swore." "My dad ain't my real dad." "He looks at me intensely hoping for a reaction." "do you know your real dad ?" " So." " So where is the problem ?" "He thought it was huge..." "I said excitedly I did not get it... that he had to be stubborn and reactionary... to not accept a woman might have two love affairs." "Seeing how I responded he never brought it up again." "Now I am aware that was the crux of the matter:" "His anguish." "But I would have still reacted the way I did." "I admire the man his mum lived with." "Gentle, educated and fun." "Ace holidays. but Michel soundlessly drifting into his anguish." "I had started work in the film world." "Bought a motorcycle." "Displayed affected airs." "Saint-Tropez, speed." "We went back to Paris, 100 miles/h." "On a bend, a tire popped." "I got up." "Horrible pain in my back." "I am dead." "Life flashed before me in the shape of beautiful landscapes, slowly." "Michel saw me stretched out, thought I was gone." "He fainted." "I got up." "saw him laid out." "He is dead." "I pass out again and again." "We did not have a scratch." "Later, in the hospital bed... in the military hospital in Versailles... on the verge of tears a 1000 times I recounted how I had killed my only friend." "Michel Recanati." "Cried for a month for having killed him." "Funny story." "Yea, in 1972... you'd had a love affair with Siroudnik... who was one of the gang... and I took it really bad and used the organization..." "I dealt with it really badly... to the point where I asked Michel to kick you out... of the security service." "You have to say that at the time, given the way we militated... we almost had no friends, just all militants." "Always went out together, when we left a meeting, we stayed close..." "Later our circle was very small... so all was magnified between us." "First there existed a need to take sides... for one or the other, some just would not." "And that is hard to swallow... to accept... that we were not bitter but that was impossible..." "Bastard!" "Thanx to this story thanx to Dragonfly the penny dropped." "she always put her finger where it mattered." "The discrepancy between my revolutionary patter... and my daily behaviour." "My appetite for power, for strength... which led to elistist behaviour towards others, belittling." "I ended up doubting." "She had won." "It was time." "1972." "We attacked the US Consulate." "The Brazilian Embassy." "Anti-fascist demos." "Spanish Meeting." "Marches against colonies." "Attack against British Embassy." "Demonstrations for Ireland." "Dust-ups at right-wing uni Assas." "Strikes." "Marches for Vietnam." "1st of May." "Attack Honeywell Bull." "Meeting WLF." "Trade union marches." "New Order gathering." "attack on CFT." "February 1972." "assassination of Maoist militant Pierre Overney." "Like a bell tolling for leftists." "The end of the scatter policy." "The advent of an other age... oriented upon moving into the working class." "This move into the working class for us meant... after all the years of militancy, a disequilibrium." "I looked at all this organizing from afar." "I worked with Boisset as a second camera, in The French Conspiracy." "Being elsewhere... afforded me a critical look at our outfit." "the impression that our militant universe... was everytime more removed from the common man." "During my brief military service..." "I saw the might of the military... to combat the revolution." "Suddenly our security service looked risible." "We had to go to the next level." "So I linked up with Michel... to organize guerilla training for myself in Latin America." "I thought came the right time... it would be good to counterbalance... our poor influence with efficiency." "a well-placed bomb would replace many speeches." "Terrorist temptation." "That trip never happened." "May 1973." "Michel warns us a fascist meeting is being set up." "He shows us the training mercenaries... preparing for a racist and antisemitic operation." "Michel is put in charge of antifascist operations." "The 21st of June meeting in Paris must not happen." "Yes true we were organized like commandos." "True." "A very precise tactics" "Yes true we wanted to get to Mutualité." "Yes true we were organized for success." "And yes it was extremely violent." "A hundred were injured and this time it was police only" "21st of June 1973" "The organization was dissolved." "Leaders were jailed." "Michel Recanati, seen as a leader... was taken out of the country clandestinely." "That day, for him, all was to change." "The 21st of June was a turning point for The League." "All the student past was flushed out... spectacle-like.." "let us say leftist, to be accurate." "As the word was meant." "Which means... aiming to replace." "He was at the heart of it all." "The main instigator." "this action led to a reflection... over 3 to 4 years... and a critique of leftist deviancies... he positioned himself at the heart of this debate... and powerfully made it his own." "After the prohibition of the Communist League, after the 21st of June." "After Michel served 3 months." "one must say he was a different Michel, he was not Michel anymore... he wasn't as sharp, in charge." "Not authoritarian as in bully." "But as in motivated... ready to smash things to build anew..." "He had to look for a place he could be and function in... but no longer full-time." "It had to be dealt with." "At this juncture he was quite lost." "There was no need to talk, he asked me for advice..." "I recall... he did not know... whether to carry on militant work or not." "Meaning of life questions arose." "Was his life meaningful in relation to all that had happened..." "He was seeking elsewhere." "All my efforts... were aimed at making him quit." "At that juncture most of us got jobs... and we stopped wishing to be full-timers... pay or no pay." "Problem was not there." "And there Michel changed enormously." "He looked elsewhere sought work... not important where, insofar as he could be part of a group." "to get involved, to work." "He started work in a bank." "I told him it was ludicrous to get involved in an activity he had no interest in ... where he would be bored to tears... so I enjoined him to try for a competitiove exam with me... to be economics teachers." "he got off on the idea got motivation and it brought us together... we slogged for a year on this preparation." "what did not change was his rigor... it was like an anguish... the rigor meant i must do this it is my solution." "like it would fix everything which it cannot do." "The future. for me, but no panacea." "It would not cure his alienation and isolation." "At that point , he confessed." "he said, confessed... that he had been in love with me in 68-69 and I never knew." "We had been in love with each other and never dared to say." "Me as I was intimidated..." "Later he said I also intimidated him..." "I did not know had not a clue," "We passed each other without knowing." "It is a bit hard for me to discuss this; you talk about it with enthusiasm... as you remember what Michel told you." "for me it is harder; it is tied to painful memories... really painful." "At first, with Michel it was..." "Michel entered our life it was total euphoria." "Great things got under way." "We were well Monique and I." "We were vibrant and I think he was attracted to that... because it was not like him he wanted to know new things... do crazy things, get enjoyment." "Then Monique got sick... and it was complicated." "He went mad over her." "Out of control passion." "4 letters a day, telegrams, like that, in the end..." "So, we faced a problem... which overtook us.." " Which was Monique's illness." " Yes Monique." "It was incurable." "The memory I have of him now... are tied to Monique's last days so it is not joyful for me." "Romain, I write to you, since we will not see each other... until the weekend." "I am not at ease after our chat." "I fear you did not understand me." "My life is a lot of pain." "Really deeply; profoundly." "For reasons I am trying to unearth..." "I find it hard to laugh, to love, to let go." "Where is is all from ?" "I do not know." "Maybe the day, when by chance, my universe unravelled... when I learnt I was no one's son." "When one suffers so much in silence... when the subconscious forgets the roots of the pain... two ways are left: death or play, the theatre." "My play, theatre, has been to pretend strength... to be the best... the one to take more risks moral and physical within the militancy." "One day the shell cracks." "After the 21st of June 1973." "After the 3 months of clandestinity... exile and then prison." "When I was free again, I wanted to start all over again." "Rediscover everything, my family, friends, myself." "And recently, I met Monique." "She is the first woman in front of whom I stopped showing off ;" "I stopped all trickery; all front." "I made myself bare from the start... and never felt stronger... that when I could show apparent weakness." "May no one ever tell me Monique is condemned... may no one mention the illness save her." "I need to hope." "I need to make plans, so do not mention this." "and do not imagine for a second... that I am courting self-destruction and suicide." "I have a rage to live I want to transmit to Monique." "Kisses." "Michel." "Michel killed himself on 23rd of March 1978"