"we have with us today a man who is so much a part ofthe culture... that he scarcely needs an introduction." "Pootie Tang." "Good to have you here with us." "Sepatown." "You've had incredible success... and you've had it in a variety offields-- music, films, martial arts, pottey." "How do you do it?" "well, Bob, I'm a pone toni." " Got my dillies on a peppatain." " I hear that." "Now, Pootie, a lot ofyoung artists say that you are their inspiration." "well, I can't say the nay-no, my brother." "wa-da-tah." "You got a new movie coming out, right?" "Yeah." "Yes, it's called Sine YourPittyon the Runny Kine." " And who's in it besides yourself?" " Oh, well, there's Trucky..." "Bad Bitty, Dirty Dee..." "Lacey,JB..." "Biggie Shorty and Robert Vaughn." " You have a clip to show us?" " Yeah, baby." "All right, let's take a look then at this clip... from Pootie Tang's new movie, Sine YourPittyon the Runny Kine." "It was theyear2001." "It was the best oftimes." "It was the worst oftimes." "The big city was thriving, but the innercity wasdying." "Who waskiIIing it_" "Thisman." "DickLecter." "The head ofcorporateAmerica." "But thepeopIe hadhope because they knewthat there was one man... who couIdfight thepower." "One man who couIdstop the madness." "One man who couIdbeat DickLecterIike the LAPD." "Andthat man-- that man wasPootie Tang." "See thatguy_ That's BadBitty." "The baddest drug dealer in town." "Hey, Bad Bitty, here comes Dirty Dee." "Dirty bastard!" "That'sDiryDee, the diriest dude around." "He handIesaII ofcorporateAmerica's diry work." "Next to DiryDee, that's Froggy, the Enforcer." "Yo, Bad Bitty!" "How you be?" "I'm bad, Dirty Dee." "You're still dirty, I can see." "Let's deal, baby." " You got yours?" " Froggy." " It's dirty money." " You got yours?" "Right!" "But how do I know ifthey any good?" "Let's test 'em out." "Hey, Kid!" "Come over here!" "That's Kid, the dumbest kidin town." " what you want, mister?" " Here." "Have some ofthis." " Is it candy?" " ToIdyou." "Yeah." "It's the kind ofcandy that you smoke out ofa pipe." "Pipe candy." "Capachow." "Yea!" "Pootie Tang." "You a baddy daddy lamatai tebby chai." "Get that Pootie!" "That's a canapan, all the way down." "You mother" "Shut up, bitch!" "Okay, I quit." "My face!" "Run, Pootie!" "Aw, hell!" "Come on!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Out!" "Yeah." "No car wash." "No soap!" "No soap!" "Sa da tay." "He'sgot it all He's on the money" "Andhe'smaintained He knows what he wants" "He'sgot it all He'IIsineyourpitty" "Andit'sno thang He's that Pootie Tang" "Somebody's on the foor" "It'sanother smooth-taIkin'brother" "Everbody's lookin'at him" "Asheputshis tie down the ladies on the dance foor" "He'sgot the whole world wrappedaroundhis finger" "A one-woman man andyou knowhe understands" "Casanova with a fancycar" "You can tell he'sgonnago aIInight" "He'sgot it all He's on the money" "Andhe'smaintained He knows what he wants" "He'sgot it all He'IIsineyourpitty" "Andit'sno thang He's that Pootie Tang" "He'ship to the core" "Got a belt buckle Iocket You know where hegot it" "He'sapIayerbytrade" "Andyou can see him on the corner doingbusiness on his tippitai" "He's the C.E. O. ofhis own world" "He commandsR-E-S-P-E-C" " T" "Andyou knowhe's goodtogo aIInight" "He'sgot it all He's on the money" "Andhe'smaintained" "He knows what he wants He'sgot it all" "He'IIsineyourpitty Andit'sno thang" "He's that Pootie Tang" "Turnin'heads Can't let 'em takeya" "Pootie bepackin' Crs andIadiesbepayin'paper" "Let meseeyou doyourthing" "Turnin'heads Can't let 'em takeya" "Pootie bepackin' Crs andIadiesbepayin'paper" "Yeah, yeah, yeah" "He'sgot it all He's on the money" "Andhe'smaintained He knows what he wants" "He'sgot it all He'IIsineyourpitty" "Andit'sno thang He's that Pootie Tang" "Pootie Tang wasborn in a smalltown outside ofGar, Indiana." "Andthat town was caIIedChicago." "Ashegrew... everone noticedsomething different about the wayPootie wouIdtaIk." "It baffedeverone-- doctors, scientists." "Let me breakit down toyou like this." "Pootie Tang is, was and wiIIaIwaysbe... too cooIfor words." "Pootie Tang was the mostpopuIarkidin town." "We didn 't always know what he wassaying... but we always knew what he meant." "Like IknewI washisbest friend." "That'sme." "Trust me." "Yeah, he had a speciaIeffect onpeopIe... especiaIIyon the ladies." "NotgirIs." "Grown-ass women." " Hiya, Pootie Tang." " I'm a tine cappy, my damie." " All right, Pootie Tang." " But forsome ofthe ladies..." "Pootie wasjust too hot to handle." "Damn you, Pootie Tang!" "I can't take no more ofthis!" "who do you thinkyou are, treating' me this way?" "I've had it with you!" "You hear me talkin' to you with your nappy head!" "This is it!" "I'm finished with you!" "Get out of my life, Pootie Tang!" "You think I'm jokin'?" "Take your shit!" "Take your shit and get out, Pootie Tang!" "I'm sick ofyou!" "Pootie" " Pootie, don't go." "Pootie Tang wasan onIychiId." "His father, Daddy Tang, workedhardto raise Pootie right." "He hadthisbeIt." "He wasso fast with that belt... that before Pootie couIddo wrong, Daddy Tang wouIdset him right." "Don't you grab them peas without askin' your mama, boy." "May I dane on the cherries, Mama Di?" "Yes, you may, Pootie Tang." "That's better." "You got to have respect to get respect, Pootie Tang." "So, do you have any girlfriends at school, Pootie?" "Aw, Mama Di." "There's a sine tippi in a classi-ti." "She's a cole toni." "Don't you talk dirty to your mama, boy." "Always got your head in them girls." "You need to have your head in the books." "Leave the ladies alone." "Andthat's the way it was." "Daddy TangandhisbeIt wasaIways there... teachingPootie the difference betweengoodandbad." "Now, when Isayhe wasaIways there, Imean he wasaIways there." "Hey, Pootie, let's steal some apples." "When Pootie was onIysix, hismotherdied..." "Ieavinghim andhis fatheraIone." " Pootie was versad." " I know, son." "But his father wasa comfor to him." "Don't slurp your soup in here, boy." "Two weeks later, anotherterribIe tragedy." "His father wasfataIIy injured at thesteeImiII." "what the fu" "Gorilla!" "Gorilla!" "It wasincredibIe." "OnIythe thirdman to be mauled byagoriIIa at thatsteeImiII." "On his deathbed, Daddy Tang hadPootie make a soIemnpromise." "Pootie..." "I know I brought you up tough... but that's 'cause I love you." "It's tough out there, Pootie." "You got drugs, crime, gorillas." "Yeah." "I ain't gonna be here much longer, so I'm gonna give you this." "Pootie, that's my belt." "As long as you got right on your side... you could whoop anyone's ass with just that belt." "I know you love the ladies... and Lord knows the ladies love you." "Don't let the ladies come between you and the belt." "Those were Daddy Tang's last words.;" """Don't let the ladies come betweenyou andthe belt. '"" """Don't let the ladies come betweenyou andthe belt. '"" "But there wassomething else about the ladies... that Daddy Tang forgot to teIIIittIe Pootie." "Pootie Tang turnedoutjust fine." "Daddy Tang wouIdhave beenproud." "Pootie hadit aII-- hit records, movies... magazine covers, fancycars... famous friends, beautiful custom-made clothes... andIadies, ladies, ladies." "Through it all, I wasright there byhis side." "That'sme." "Trucky." "Andthat's myman, Pootie Tang." "Big-time celebrity, ass-kickin'crime fighter... androIe model to the children." "Pootie Tanghasa message... forthe children ofAmerica... soyou better wapatah to the bammies 'cause.;" "Pootie says cigarettesandfast-food burgersare badIike netatai." "Don't drinkmaIt liquor 'causeyou don't needto 'causeyou're okay." "Sa da tay." "also, eat aIIyour vegetables... anddon't bang the diIIies." "That's Frank, DickLecter's right-handman." "So what do we care?" "we care because he's making these." "People have been making PSAs foryears." "Hasn't made a difference." "Eddie, hit me with those figures." "Since the inception of Pootie Tang's PSA campaign... sales of Lecter burgers are down 30%%..." "Lecter cigarettes down 20%%... and Lecter whiskey... almost out of business." "For the first time, somebody's getting to these kids, and it's killing us." "It's killing us." "It's killing us." "Hello, Mr. Lecter." "Frank, Ihave ajob foryou." "Yes, sir." "I tell you, man, Pootie Tang is one bad brother, man." "That'sJ.B. andLacey." "We make up Pootie's crew." "Pootie Tang will draw you a picture of how he's gonna kickyour ass... then mail it to you ten days in advance." "The picture gets there, right?" "You go, ""what the hell is this?"" "Then Pootie Tang knocks on your door, properly kicks your ass... and you still won't know what happened to you." "You got that right." "He is a kick-ass ariste." "Know what I'm sayin'?" "He like the Da Vinci ofass-kicking." "That sounds kind of good." "Pootie Tang, the Da Vinci ofass-kicking." "Aw, man, Pootie Tang whoop your ass so bad... that you could write it offon your taxes." "That's right." "You got right here, ass-whooping number one... ass-whooping number two." "This here, you can't write that off." "That'sjust gettin' beat up." "I like to also add that Pootie Tang can kick some ass too, boy." "Oh, here come Pootie Tang now." "Hey!" "Pootie Tang!" "All right!" " we wasjust talkin' about you." " All right, Pootie Tang!" "Pootie Tang, you going to Biggie Shorty's party tomorrow, man?" "Iguessyou're wonderin ', who is Biggie Shory_" "I'm Biggie Shorty." "Let me tell you about me and Pootie Tang." "Since the vey day we met, I knew Pootie was to be my man." "I knew all I had to do was wait... and one day all that bullshit would catch up with Pootie... and he would be mine." "Hey, man, you going to Biggie Shorty's party tomorrow, man?" "Ranacan." " we gonna party tomorrow, man." " There's gonna be bitches there." "You right." "You right." "Respect the women." "Respect the women." " Look at that car!" " Damn that car big!" "And long like an old snake." "Man, that car's so big, it's got its own sky." "Yeah, it's big too." " Keep it running." " Yes, sir." "Hiya, fellas." " Kinda hot for a hootenanny, huh?" " You hear that?" "A hootenanny?" "what the hell is a damn hootenanny?" "I'm looking for Pootie Tang." "Pootie Tang?" "what you want with Pootie Tang?" "I need to talk to him." "All right, look, Pootie." "I'm a representative of Lecter Corp. Do you know what that is?" "Great." "well, Dick Lecter... the CEO, mind you, of Lecter Corp., he likes you." "He likes you, Pootie, and he wants to make you a vey rich, rich man." "I have a contract here for Pootie to endorse." "Tasty Heav Pork Chunk Cereal." "It's delicious." "It's a wonderful product." "Kids love it." "And kids love you." "wejust wanna put that together." "That's a canapan to the semachai." "I didn't even tell you how much it pays, Pootie." "Twenty million dollars to sign with us forjust one year." "Oh, what do you say, Pootie?" "I got to say the nay-no, my brother." " wa-da-tah." " wa-da-tah?" "How do you say the nay-no to 20 million?" "why?" "Maybe Pootie don't wanna sign because he knows you're full of it." "Yeah." "First ofall, he knows that cereal's full ofsugar." "And number two, that's not all that you guys sell." "You sell cigarettes, whiskey, Bad Time burgers, switchblades." "It also says here that you will no longer have Pootie doing PSA's... telling the kids to eat healthy and to be smart." "well, sure, exclusivity goes without saying." "I'm sure your ugly intentions go without saying." "Take a walk, money man." "See, my damie, Pootie Tang don't wa-da-tah to the shama cow... 'cause that's a cama cama leepa-chaiii, dig?" "Hey, Tang, to you, they're children." "To me, they're dollar signs." "Coveryour grill." "Sa da tay!" "Aw, man!" "You funny, man." "You are a funny man." "You's a wild boy." "Pootie smackedthe taste out ofFrank'smouth." "Oh, man, that wasfunnyto us." "But there was one man who wasnot Iaughingat all." "Pootie Tang goes out there and makes eveybody love him." "He tells them not to buy my products." "He steals from me." "And what do I do?" "I say take my money." "Here." "Take it." "Fine." "Huh?" "And he says no." "Iguessyou're wondering, who is thisbitch here_" "That's Ireenie, DickLecter'smain squeeze... andthe most dangerous woman on theplanet." "Now, she don't Iookit, butshe can bringanyman down." "I know what makes Pootie Tang... tick, tock, tick." "That's cool." "All right." "Cut the drums too." "It's all gone now, Pootie." "what do you wanna do?" "Lepatime." "what's he got on his mind?" "we're starting from scratch, I guess." "Pootie knows what Pootie do." "This is gonna be good." "Okay, Pootie, I'll play back the levels the way you set them." "No instruments, no vocals, no levels, eveything silent." "Set it on me." "Bleed." "Pootie don't need no words." "Don't even need no music." "we have got a hit, baby." "I like it." "Eveybody seems to like it." "But right now I got somethin' I know you all gonna like." "we got the world premiere from Pootie Tang... andyou knowit'sgonna be out ofthis world." "That's right. 'Causeyou aIIIovedhis last record..." """Sine YourPitty on the Runny Kine. '"" "well, you all gonna love this new one." "The new one is called" "So let's listen up to the new record by Pootie Tang called" "From Pootie Tang." "Oh, yeah." "Damn, this is good!" "This is good!" "Man, Pootie done did it again!" "Pootie too good!" "Pootie too good!" "Pootie too good!" "Pootie too good!" "Turn that noise down, damn it!" "Legenday Pootie Tang has done it once again with his new song" "Already considered one of the greatest hits ofall time." " This was thescene earlier..." " Oh, you are so fine." "asfansmobbedPootie Tang in thestreets... manysaying theyhadn 't heard an arist thisprofound... sinceAIB." "Sure." "I love you!" "Pootie was blowin' up now." "we talkin' big." "I mean, we talkin' ""Macarena" big." "we talkin' electric slide big." "we're talkin' Bentleys and drinkin' Cys big... girls in bikini thongs big." "Eveybody want a piece of Pootie." "You think I'm playin'?" "Here we go, baby." "Come on." "Get up here." "Aiight!" "wait a minute." "wait a minute. wait a minute." "we got Pootie Tang in the house tonight." "Come on up, Pootie." "Come on." "I need you to sing a song with me." "Beloved." "I love you, Pootie Tang." "Damn." "That's a batu shane, my tellie." "I'm" "FaIIing in love withyou" "Becauseyou are myman so right" "Tippitaion mycapa-town" "AndI'm" "Oh, yeah" "Thinking ofonIyyou" "Becauseyou move me so right" "AIIaroundmy damie" "IfeeIyou" "AIIon me, baby" "Igotyou Igotyou, baby" "Whoa, yeah, yeah" "On mycIammy dees" "On my damie kings" "I'ma crthepooster" "I'ma crthepooster" "Pootie Tang up in thisjoint tonight." "I love you." "I want you." "Oh, take me with you." "Please, Pootie." "Pootie, please." "Please." "wait!" "Oh!" "Pootie!" "wait!" "Oh, Pootie, I love you." "I want you." "I love you, Pootie." "Please!" "Don't leave me out here in my lonesome." "Give a girl something!" "It's not right." "She's fine!" "Why didPootiepass that up_" "'Causeshe's crazy." "Lookat her, IickingmiIk out ofa bowl." "Oh, Pootie Tang, yougonna sine thatpittyPootie Tang" " All right!" " Bata shane, my dillie?" "Same as always, baby." "You come by tomorrow." "we gonna have a party!" "Talk about all the sisters and me." "You gonna be there?" "All right, Pootie!" "Hey, young boys." "Hey, look at her, man." "Pink lady." "Pull up, man." "Pull up." "Pull up!" "what you want?" " You want somethin'?" " Yes, baby, I want it." "what you want?" "I want you to do the two of us." "How much?" "Hey, baby, what's your problem?" "Just 'cause a girl like to dress fancy... and stand on a street corner near some whores... you automatically think she's hooking?" "wouldn't you?" "No, I wouldn't." "I'm a lady, you greasy bastard." "Oh, yeah!" "Pootie Tang and his boys are here!" "Yo, man, a Biggie Shorty party is exclusive, man." "They don't let nobody in a Biggie Shorty party." "They got a line around the block." "Ain't nobody in, man." "You know what?" "Nobody we know can get in this party, man." "They don't let no light in." "They don't let no electricity in." "They don't let no water in." "They don't let no air in." "Air is going, ""Man, I'm air." "I'm on the list." "Let me in."" "And they won't let air in." "And you know air gets in eveywhere." "That's how exclusive a Biggie Shorty party is." "You know what else?" "It's hard to get in too." "I hate you!" "Go, Trucky!" "Go, Trucky!" "Go, Trucky!" "Go, Trucky!" "Go, Trucky!" "Go, Trucky!" "Go, Trucky!" "Pretty girl." "Pretty girl." "where you go, girl?" "Pootie, you are the sexiest bastard on God's green earth." " Yeah." " I tell you, though." "Someday I'm gonna get me a piece ofyou myself." " Sepatown." " Sepatown, my ass." "You gonna be inside ofa bed with me someday." "You mark my words, you skinny, wonderful man." "Pretty girl!" "Pretty girl!" "Sexy!" "Pretty girl?" "Pretty girl!" "How does a woman get to you anyway?" "It's like a state secret." "How to bed Pootie Tang." "Get off him already." "He don't want none ofyour mess." "I tell you what, Pootie." "Someday you gonna meet your match in a woman." "Someday you gonna meet the Darth Vader oft and A." "Some woman's gonna kick your ass and love you to death... and then you gonna be lying in the Dumpster... done banged to death by the dark side of love." "And on that day, Pootie..." "I'm gonna be there." "And I'm gonna make sweet love to you." "Sexy girl!" " Damn, man." " Oh, I'm sory." "I thought she was somebody else, man." "I'm sory." "I'm sory, man." "I'm sory." "Damn." "I didn't get your name, did I?" "Damn." "Do I know you?" "Do you want me to pull your legs off?" " Pardon me?" " You wanna make out?" "I might enjoy that." "I just might enjoy that." "I might enjoy that." "You know, I just might enjoy that." "Shut up!" "Okay, wait a minute." "wait a minute. wait a minute." "wait, wait, wait." "wait a minute!" "Look here." "Call me a sissy, but you need to stop, baby." "You are tearing me apart." "You're killing me." " You want me to stop?" " well, yes, I do." "Okay, then, you tell me something." " what do you wanna know?" " what's Pootie's secret?" "I can't tell you that." "Now, I wouIdneverdo anything to hur Pootie Tang." "But like Isaid, Ireenie knew howto breaka brotherdown." " I can't tell you that." " You can't?" "All right." "Okay, wait." "I'll tell you." "I'll tell you." "I'll tell you." "I'll tell you." "It's the belt." "It's the belt." "It's magical." "He can kick anybody's ass with that damn belt." "Freeze, sucker!" "Yeah." "Give me your money, you fancy pants bastard... or I'll stick this in you deep." "wa-da-tah, my damie." "Hey, I'm not your damie." "Now, give me your cash." "I know you got it." "Hey, I told you to back off!" "Pootie, the craziest thing Just happened to me." "I'm in the club, man." "I'm" " Pootie, look out." "Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Pootie?" "Eveything under control?" "Kayed a brother, di." "Kayed a brother, di!" "I'm a shamey day!" "I'm a shamey day!" "Oh, it hurts Pootie to kill a man... but he knows he's got to do it." "But it hurts him so bad... to right those wrongs." "My man Pootie Tang!" "Come back on the bettie tai!" "Come back on the bettie tai!" "Come back on the bettie tai!" "Hey, all right, my damie." "why didn't Trucky tell Pootie that he told Ireenie all his business?" "Just runnin' his mouth." "I guess when you see a man being brought back from the dead... you forget shit." "Or maybe you just a dumb-ass." "Stop the movie." "Remember when Daddy Tang toIdIittIe Pootie" "Don't let the ladies come between you and the belt." "well, what Daddy Tang forgot to tell Pootie wasabout his only weakness.;" "ho's." "Even Pootie Tang'sbeIt wasno match forIreenie." "You can't beat a ho' with a belt." "They like thatshit." "I'm sory." "Did my cart hit your cart?" "I'm so sory about that." "Did I hurt you?" "Oh, what a drag." "Again, I am... vey sory!" "Pootie, will you do something for me?" "will you do something for Ireenie?" "Sign your pretty name." "Sign it." "Sign it." "Sign it." "Sign it." "He signed it." "He signed it." "He signed it." "Oh, God." "Signed it?" "Nicejob, Ireenie." "You're a damn genius, baby." """I, Pootie Tang, do surrender to Lecter Corp... all the rights to my image and likeness."" "Oh, yes, yes." """I will wholeheartedly endorse all Lecter Corp. products... and will do my best to convince the children ofthe world... that the above mentioned are all clean, safe... and should be bought and used by all ofthem."" "No, not the tippi tais, no." "No, no." "You are part ofthe corporation, just like us." "Thought you could stay out of it, huh?" "welcome aboard, Pootie Tang." "Are you looking for something, my friend?" "Are you?" "I've got it all now." "Shocking news today as beloved Pootie Tang has agreed to endorse... several controversial products for Lecter Corp.... the infamous giant corporation." "Yo, fellas, somethin' on the TV about Pootie Tang." "Even my kids, man, Iookedup to him." "You know what Imean_" "They don't even Iookat Dad like they Iookat him." "But nowsince he crossed, man, my IittIe-- my little man came up to me the otherdayand wasIike..." """Man, howcouIdhe do that bullshit, man_" " that--'" I'm lookin'at him like, ""Whoa. '"" "Pootie Tanghasmade mychiIdren cr." "I'IInotsuppor him anymore." "LecterCorp. effectiveIyowns the name Pootie Tang... his image andaIIcopyrights thatgo along with it." "Mr. Tang agreed to do commercials endorsing our sneakers... food products and cigarettes, whiskey, mace, switchblades... rat poison." "Mr. Lecter, can we have a statement" "You know, Biggie Shorty, I got to say..." "I always had a high opinion of Pootie Tang." "But the way things are going now, not only has he sold out... he's scraping the bottom ofthe barrel." "Pootie Tang was drugged by that crazy-ass Ireenie." " Haven't you been watchin' the film?" " And that's what disturbs me." "He's out there telling kids not to go to school... to eat fast food, to do drugs." "This is not the Pootie Tang I thought I knew and I used to admire." " He would never tell kids that." " You're in denial." "He's out there doing dirt to his own reputation." " You don't know Pootie Tang." " I don't know Pootie Tang?" "Believe me, I know Pootie Tang... and this is not the Pootie Tang I thought I knew." "I thought a man ofyour stature would have better sense... than to fall for no mess like that." "Look, this thing has all fallen apart." "The man used to be admired by people ofall walks of life." "And you know what?" "Ifthe world is gonna fall for this mess about my Pootie Tang... then maybe the world don't desere Pootie Tang." "what do you think Pootie Tang needs at this point in his life?" "Hejust needs some of my good lovin'... and he will be all right." " You watch." " I hope you're right." " I know I'm right." " Yeah, we'll see." " Yeah, we'll see." " That's right." " watch." " I will." "Pootie Tang wasmessedup." " Punk bitch." " Sellout." " Lookat him." "Damn, Pootie!" " Get a job, you bum." "Get it together, man." "Pootie IookedIike who didit andran." "Pootie turnedto the only woman who couIdheIp him." "Poor Pootie Tang." "That's all right." "Mama's got you." "That's all right." "Biggie Shorty's gonna take care ofyou." "Don't you wory." "Gonna have sex with you too, you know." "Finally." "Are you sure you gotta go, Pootie?" "Yeah." "That's a damn shame." "You were the best piece of man I ever had." "You know, you could just stay here and live between my bosoms... for the rest ofyour life." "Pootie gotta fittie tai, Biggie Shorty." "Man's gotta do, I suppose." "As long as you gone they can't make you do no more commercials." "where you going?" "I tell you what." "I got a little farmhouse outside of Greenville." "It was my mama's." "It ain't much, but nobody's livin' there." "You go out there, find yourself." "But then you come back to me, okay?" "That's a fine tine, baby." "Give me some ofthat bony ass one more time before you hit the road." "Man, I hates prison." "Prison sucks." "I reckon it's supposed to." "You got somethin' for me?" "Oh, this some fine dirt." "This is some good dirt." "You know I'm gonna hookyou up." "Man, I hate these bastards." "They make me shower evey day." "TheyneverIet meget diry." "Ineed to be diry." "I'm DiryDee, damn it!" "You gonna be dirty again soon." "I promise." "It's that Pootie Tang." "It's that Pootie Tang." "He got to be stopped." "I'm the one that's got to stop him." "Pootie goddamn Tang!" "Yougonna, yougotta Yougonna, yougotta" "Thankyou." "Pootie washeadedto the farm." "I wantedtogo with him." " I wanna go with you, brother." " Everthing wasaIImy fault." "Pootie, eveything that happened, man, it's all my fault." " ItoIdthat bitch aIIabout him." " I told this bitch all about you." " Shejust usedit against him." " And shejust used it against you." " I wassorr." " I'm sory, man." "I'm so sory." " It waskiIIingme." " It was killing me." " only didit forthe ass." " Only did it for her ass." "That deri-teri was all the dinle, huh?" " IfeIt like hesavedmy life." " Pootie, man, I just feel like... you saved my life." "AndImessedhisaII up." " Now I messed yours all up." " I wantedhim to forgive me." " Can you ever forgive me, man?" "You my main damie, man." "Ain't no bad tammie between us." " I wonderedifhe meant it." " You mean it?" " I'm a Baino Denny." " I wantedtogo with him." "Can I go to the farm with you, brother?" "wa-da-tah!" "All right!" "Me and Pootie going to the farm!" "I'm lookin' forard to this farm life." "Enough ofthe city for me." "Yeah, this isjust what we need, Pootie." "Live offthe fat ofthe land, work hard." "Farming, farming, farming." "I can't wait, man." "I cannot wait." "we're gonna milk that cow." "Get all that milk." "Two percent, fat free." "Skim milk." "All that, man." "Chocolate milk." "I don't need no television, cappuccino... partying all night long." "I'm want some blisters on my hands, some sweat on my back." "That's what I want." "Shit!" "Oh, man." "My pants." "Oh, man!" "My damn pants." "All right." "Farming, farming, farming." "This is not the thing, man." "This ain't cool, man." "Dirty shoes, dirty pants... dirty shirt, musty, stinky." "It's hotter than a camel's hump out here, man." "And mosquitos all over my shirt." "I can't do it, man." "whose dog is this dog following me around?" "whose dog is that?" "You don't know who dog that is." "That could be anybody's dog." "It's too hot." "You know you're hot." "Ididn 't wanna leave Pootie... but I wasn 't tring to hear aIIthatsurivaIshit." "Outback, myass." "Ineedconveniences, man." "On the otherhand, Pootie was lovin'everminute ofit." "He wasrejuvenated." "You hearthat_Rejuvenated." "He was ""uvenated'"before, lost it... andgot ""uvenated'"again." "Rejuvenated." "And when PootiepIanted his first cornstaIk... he washappy." "Too damn happy, ifyou askme." "It wasjust corn." "But that wasjust what he needed to take hismindoffhis troubles." "Rown on the crowny town." "Mornin'." " Hi, Daddy." " Not now, Stacy, honey." "There's a new fella here in town." "He's coming in here in a minute." "So?" "So?" "So maybe you can mary him, that's what so." "Aw, Daddy!" "Oh, come on." "Cut that shit out, Stacy." "Here he comes." "Yeah." "Hey there." "You got your can filled all right?" "This here is my daughter." "Stacy." "Dillie on... my damie." "And she's a looker, ain't she?" "Huh?" "God, you stink." "Thankyou." "I wanna talk to you about Pootie Tang." "You mean Public Enemy Number One in my world." "Right?" "we learned that anything can be addictive." "we took our burgers and pumped them so full of MSG... that people can't even taste real food anymore." "Today American kids don't eat 'cause they're hungy." "They eat 'cause theyjust gotta have another Lecter burger." "You see, I own Pootie's name." "He's mine." "I don't need him to sell my products anymore... because I've got thousands ofthem all over the county." "I'm just gonna give them the clothes and this training tape." "Andremember, when making apubIic appearance..." "Pootie TangaIways struts like this." "Next week we're opening a brand-new nationwide chain of burger stands." "Pootie's Bad Time Burgers." "In fact, the only thing that could mess up our little party... is ifthe real Pootie showed up." "But that ain't good enough." " I want him dead." " Yeah." "I'd like to put that bitch in the ground myself, but I ain't magical." "I been tying' to get that Pootie foryears." "He donejailed or offed all my boys." "All I got left is Froggy." "Nobody know where Pootie's at." "I know where he's at." "I got people eveywhere, baby." "Nobody can hide from corporate America." "And as far as how to beat him... maybe this will help." "hello." " Hello." " Uh-oh." "Lookat this." "Rememberher_ That's Stacy, thesheriff'sdaughter." "He'sbeen tring toget herass marriedsinceshe was 12years old." "Hello?" "Is anybody here?" "why-- I'm sory, I-- well, I made you a pie... cake." "Do you want the pie?" "I know I'm not pretty or... or sexy." "You probably like a-- a sexy girl, right?" "Baby..." "I'm gonna sine your pitty on the runny kine." "Now, see, that's what makes Pootie Tang a real hero." "He can't stand by and see a woman not lovin' herself." "He's gonna put the love in her." "Now, me, I sayjust give her a compliment." "Hey, I like your shoes." "Have you been working out?" "Girl, what you doin' with your hair?" "But I tell you what..." "I'm only gonna buy this hero shit but so many times." "meanwhile... backing the big city, aIIheII wasbreaking loose,y'aII." "I'm taIkingabout drug dealin ', drug using '... bootyshakin '... too much damn TV... drinkin ', people eating too much, gettin'aIIfat andsIoppy... fightin ', kids out ofschool, ain 't nobody reading '... people actin ' a straight damn fool." "AndcorporateAmerica wasjust Iovin'it." "Lookat 'em." "It'saparynow." "Since he left, itjust changed." "Everthingjust went bonkers, man." "Everbody lost theirmind and whatnot." "Pootie Tang, youshouIdn 't do this." "YoushouIdcome back to the city, whereyou belong." "Back on the farm, the worst happened." "Pootie Tang's cornstaIk died." "Andforthe thirdtime in his life..." "Pootie lost the onlything that wasimporant to him." "First his family, then hisbeIt, andnowhis corn died." "Farm life wasdrivingPootie crazy." "He must have lost his damn mind." "Lookat him." "Down on his knees, cring overapiece ofcorn." "Not evenpopcorn." "ReguIardamn corn." "Pootie TanghadIost aIIhope... andit wasgonna take a miracle to bringhim back." "Up here, Pootie." "Hey, watch the leaves." " Daddy?" " You damn right I'm your daddy." "Pootie, what you doin' running' away from your problems?" "Did I teach you like that?" "Hey, don't you mumble, boy!" "Pootie, my boy." "Mama Di." "Pootie, you're a good man." "I'm proud ofyou." "You have so much love in you, and you can give it like a gift." "Your father was wrong to tell you to guard it like a secret." " what was that?" " Shut your mouth!" " woman!" " You corn-ass fool!" "Teach the world right from wrong... but love the world at the same time." "That's the key." "where's your belt, boy?" "You let some girl get your belt." "You let the ladies get your belt." "I knew that would happen." "Now you done lost all your confidence." "I'll tell you something, ain't nothing special about that belt." "I bought it at Piggly wiggly for 95 cents." "You don't need that belt 'cause you got goodness in your heart." "Now you need to go out there and take that and kick some ass." "Hey, don't you mumble, boy!" "Now, go out there, take that goodness... and teach the world right from wrong." "Now git!" "I, uh" "I think maybe you and me got something to talk about, huh?" "I, uh" "I understand you and Stacy there... got to know each other, huh?" "Had yourself a little time there?" "Yeah." "That's terrific!" "well, partner, when's the wedding, huh?" "Like I say..." "I sure would be mighty proud to have you for a son-in-law." "what the hell?" "what you doin' way out here?" "You know these guys?" "I come to call you out, maggot-eatin' bitch!" "You ain't come one, but many tine tanies." "well, I gets by with a little help from my friends." "Now, listen here, fellas, we don't want no trouble here." "why don't you just move on through, huh?" " what up, Hopalong?" "Just back offthere, young man." " I'm sheriffofthis here county." " Damn!" "hold up!" "hold up!" "Rewindthat." "Go back." "Go back." "Let mesee that one more time!" "I'm sheriffofthis here county." "Oh!" "That hadto hur hisass!" "Iknowhe's embarrassed." "Slap him like a bitch!" "Ooh, heshouIdn 't have done that." "He done messedaround andgot Pootie Tangmad, baby." "Come on, Pootie!" "Question:" "where do you thinkyou-- wait!" "Hold up!" "Hold up, Pootie!" "Capa-town, my ass!" "Oh, you not so bad now, are you?" "Guess you, um, slapped him like a bitch, huh?" "Yeah." "Now... like I was sayin'" "I wassearching forPootie high andIow... then IfinaIIy remembered he wasat the farm." "AIIthis time Ihadbeen taIkingabout the farm." "Howthe heIIdidIforget he wasat the damn farm_" "Anyway, Igot there Just in the nick oftime." "Oh, Pootie, you got to come back to the city right now." " what's the dabble, di?" " There's a wedding going on here." "Man, they are using your face, man." "They're making you sell products even when you're not there." "I'm talking about cigarettes, man." "And look." "Malt liquor?" "Pootie Tang malt liquor?" "They got all these Pootie-alikes." "You know what I'm saying?" "Hawkin' all this shit." "And eveybody thinks it's you, man, really." "Come back to the city and let eveybody know the truth, man." "Come on!" "All right, Pootie Tang!" "I ain't the marying type." "I don't make my bed." "I leave the toilet seat up all the time." "I'm a single" "Oh, but she is a lovely lady though." "Pootie Tang and I are thrilled to be opening this... the first Pootie Tang Bad Time Burger restaurant." "Right, Pootie?" "Sa da tay." "Sa da tay." "Got that_" "Man, that ain't Pootie Tang." "That's Doodie Tang." "You know, that ain't Pootie Tang neither." "I know it ain't Pootie Tang!" "I just said it ain't Pootie Tang!" "It's Doodie Tang!" "Shut up!" "Sepatown, tipi tais." "There you go." "Sepatown, tipi tais." " Oh, Christ." " Hey, that's Pootie Tang." "wa-da-tah." "Don't pay attention to him." "That's nobody." "This is Pootie Tang here." "Yes." "I'm Pootie." "Now, clap it up, my hammies." "Rinatine, myAmerica." "Coola may, my ca" "You thinkyou've solved the problem?" "well, guess again." "See, I got more Pooties than you, Pootie." "You're not only late, but you're outnumbered." "And by this time tomorrow, there'll be so many Pooties out there... you won't matter." "He ain't alone, Mr. Rich Man." "I'm here too." "Bitch!" "Come on." "Let's get out of here." "You looking at my ass?" "You bastards ain't going anyplace!" "Bye-bye, Bad Time!" "All right!" "I got 'em, Pootie!" "Pootie Tang is back!" "I got to say the nay-no, my brother." "what will you do now, Pootie?" "we're gonna get married." "Yeah." "Andthat's the way it went down." "Pootie Tanggot hisman, andBiggie Shorygot herman." "But not before she handled one IittIepiece ofbusiness." "Ireenie left DickLecter." "She now works forthe city, counseling teen-ho's." "DickLecterquit corporateAmerica." "He isnowan actorappearing in the touring company... ofWesIeySnipes' Murder at 1 600" " The Musical." "DiryDee isstiIIdiry because he isDiryDee, damn it!" "Man, it is hot today!" "Ooh, it's hot out here, man." "It is hot today!" "You know, it's hot out." "Yeah, I just said that." "I said it's hot out here, man." "Yeah, you know, it's hot too." "Yeah, that's why I said it, man!" "It is hot out here!" "I know." "I'm just saying it's hot too." "Lacey isstiII getting onJB'sneres." "Andhe'sgetting on hisneres too." "Andasforme, Trucky" " Oh, shit!" "My lasagna!" " what?" "Oh, goddamn it, Trucky!" "I can't believe you burned that lasagna again!" "who I look like?" "I'm not Chef Boyardee!" "You've been burning things since the day" "You know, that is the longest damn movie clip I've ever seen." "But then again, you're Pootie Tang." "well, sa da tay." "Exactly." "Pootie Tang, it's been biddle having you by." "Bob, I dabe ba samie, my brother." "Cole me on the panny sty." "I'm sory." "what was that?" "Cole" " Cole me on the panny sty." "what the hell are you talking about?" "Cole me down on the panny sty?" "Oh, cole me down on the panny sty!" "All right!" "Thankyou, Pootie Tang!" "Thankyou, Pootie!" "Oh, I love him!" "I love Pootie Tang!" "Oh, he's so sexy!" "He's so sexy!" "I love Pootie!" "Oh, I love you, Pootie!" "Cut!" "Pootie Tang got three gold records." "Pootie get all the Grammys because he's Pootie Tang." " Yes, he's terrific." " I don't think he's so great." "Uh-oh, girl." "Uh-oh, now." "Pootie's got you now." "Pootie about to make reserations on you now, girl!" "Oh, girl, the red phone is blinking'!" "It's over foryou now, baby." "It's over now foryou." "You know it's over!" "He done got you in the radar, baby." "Pootie got you now, girl!" "Red phone ringin', baby!" "Red phone ringin'." "Red phone" "Man's gotta do, I suppose." "I guess as long as you gone, they can't make you do no more movies." " Oh!" "No more movies." " Let's do that line again." "I'm gonna sine your pitty on the runny kine." "we don't like no trouble around here, you know." "It's a quiet town." "You look all right, though." "A little weird, though, ain't ya?" "That's my panny, di." "well..." "I suppose so." "Yeah, baby, it's time to get dirty!" "I can't hear a word you're saying 'cause I got earplugs in, my man." "But I'm gonna ty somethin'." "Yeah!" "Boom!" "That's it." "And eveybody run away!" "Run, run, run, run, run!" "No, Pootie stays!" "I'm gonna sine your kitty on the sepatime." "Baby, I'm gonna sine your pitty... on the runny... kine." "Man!" "Pootie Tang done did it again!" "7-0-2" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Pootie isa shot-caIIin'pIayer Stackin'nothin'butpapers" " Hegetshismack on with favor" " AIwayspIayin '" "When hegoes kickin'andcIubbin ' or when he's with bb bumpin '" "He knows the ladies They love him Pootie Tangin '" "Andhe'sgot this Iookin his eyes like I'm hisnumberoneprize" "AndyetstiIIhe maintains composure" "So whenyou're doin'yourthing do it like Pootie Tang" "He hangs forsome time Weget to knowya" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Pootie, you know you're one in a million" "Youspeakin ' whatyou be feelin '" "Andnowyougot me I'm willin '" "Wanna breathe the air thatyou're breathin '" "shall we teIIyou the reason IthinkI'm whatyou be needin '" "Come on, baby, Iet's take a ride Just wanna be byyourside" "Got a feeling like it's my duty" "To Ietyoushare my world Just wanna beyourgirI" "'Cause IIike the way you're tangin ', Pootie" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Boy, you kiIIme" "Ooh, he'sPootie Tangin '" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Ifyou think you're Pootie Tangin '" "On the dance foor, shakeyourthing It'saIIright, allright" "Yeah, baby."