"( suspenseful music playing )" "Hello, Chief, this is 86." " What is it, Max?" " I found Walters." "He was in a rundown bar on Front Street." " He just left." " Is he all right?" "Well, Chief, he looks in pretty bad shape." "I think he's at the end of his rope." "Stay with him, Max." "Walters is a fine man and a good agent, but in his present state he's a menace to the entire organization." "Right, Chief." "I'll stick with him." " Off and on." " Don't you mean "Over and out"?" "No, when I sign off I put my shoe on." "Hello, Chief." "Max." "Walters is on the Interborough Bridge." " What's he doing?" " Well, either he's contemplating suicide or he's a health nut." "Max, you've got to talk him out of it." "Now the first thing to remember is act nonchalant." "Right, Chief." "Say, pal, you got a match?" "Oh, it's you, Walters." "Uh, taking a little breath of fresh air before turning in?" "I told you to stay away from me, 86." "Come on, Walters." "Come on down from there." "We all miss you back at CONTROL." "It's no use." "I'm no good." "I've lied, cheated and stolen." "And I've betrayed my country." "Well, Walters, we all have our weak moments." "It's not that bad." "It was all for her." "What are you talking about, Walters?" "You must believe me, 86." "I couldn't help myself." "From the moment I first saw her I couldn't resist her." " Chief:" "Max." " Yes, Chief." "Remind him of his duty." "Right, Chief." "Now look, Walters, as the number-two man in CONTROL, you're not acting very rational." "Who asked you to do what?" "Octavia, you fool!" "Octavia!" "Now, look, Walters, why don't you come down from there and we'll talk about it?" "Keep away!" "There's nothing to talk about." "Chief, he's getting ready to jump." "What'll I do now?" "Use reverse psychology." "Pretend to agree with him." "Get him angry." "Right, Chief." " Now listen, Walters" " I'm warning you, 86." " It won't take much to make me jump." " Good." "I absolutely agree with you." "As a matter of fact, if I were in your position that's what I would do." " What?" " Well, you said so yourself." "You're no good to anybody anymore, not even yourself." " The best thing to do is take a dive." " Now wait just a minute." "Go ahead, you bum, jump!" "I dare you!" "Max:" "It worked, Chief!" "( theme music playing )" "You know, the thing that bothers me about all this is the pattern that's beginning to form." "What are you talking about, Chief?" "Well, all of those men who got into trouble were the number-two men of CONTROL." "First Washburn, then Meadows, now Walters." "We were discussing the international code for hours." "And that very night he started drinking and disappeared." " Chief?" " Yes, Max." " Could it have been something you said?" " No, Max." "One person alone is responsible for the ruination of those three men" "Octavia." "Chief, I've never seen anyone like this before-- those evil penetrating eyes;" "cold, ruthless mouth;" "defiant chin;" "strong, unyielding body." " Chief?" " What?" "I think I'm in love." "Max, we've got to find a pattern in her method of operation." "What I don't understand, Chief, is why it's always the number-two man." "I would think that the CONTROL master code would have a great deal to do with it." "You see, our number-two man has complete say-so over when and how often it's to be changed." "Well, then that means that our new number-two man" " will be her next victim." " Exactly." "That's why we've got to find something in these files that will help us set a trap for this vicious woman." "( door opens )" " Did you want to see me, Chief?" " Yes, we can use your help, Hymie." " Hello, Hymie." " Oh, hello, Max." " What's the matter with you, Hymie?" " I don't know." "I guess I'm just a little rundown." "When was the last time you charged your dry cells?" " Last week." " Well, go charge your batteries." "Now Washington has decided that the next number-two man will come right from the ranks of CONTROL." " Someone from this building, Chief?" " Exactly." " No more political appointments." " ( mechanical whirring )" "They want to make sure the next man is well-trained for the job." "Here, Max, give these reports to Hymie and have him memorize them." " I needed that." " Good, Hymie." "Now come with me." "Sit down." "I want you to take these reports and start filing them in your memory bank." "Yes, Max." "Chief, when are they gonna let us know who the new man is?" " ( cow mooing )" " That must be it." "What in the world is that, Chief?" "It's our horn phone." "Do you mean this is coming right from the White House?" "That's right." "Hymie, would you knock that stuff off?" "Hymie, the Chief didn't mean that." "He meant just to be quiet while he's on the horn phone to the White House." " I'm sorry, Max." " Shh!" "Shh." "Yes, sir." "The new number-two man is who?" "Are you sure?" "Oh, sorry, sir." "Goodbye." "Who is it, Chief?" "Hymie." "He had a perfect score on the achievement test." "Hymie?" "Why, that's wonderful." "Wait a minute, Chief." "Hymie can't be the number-two man of CONTROL." "Why, if anybody ever found out he was a robot we'd be the laughingstock of the world of espionage." "Wait a minute, Chief." "On second thought, a robot might be an improvement." "You might be right, Max." "As a robot he would be completely immune to Octavia's evil charms." "We might be able to trap her at last." "Congratulations, Hymie." "Wait a minute." "What about the doctor?" "Hymie has to have a physical examination before he can accept the office." "Well, Chief, I'm sure that the CONTROL doctor would be willing to go along with us on a thing like this." "No, Washington wanted an impartial doctor to make the examination, someone not connected with the government in any way." "Oh, I have his name here on a piece of paper." "Dr. Louis Pasteur." "That name sounds oddly familiar, Chief." "Come on, Hymie, let's go see that doctor." "And don't worry, Chief, I'll get Hymie through that physical." " How, Max?" " It's really quite simple, Chief." "You see, I've got imagination, ingenuity and intelligence." "And a headache you wouldn't believe." "I am extremely tired, gentlemen." "I kept this office open three hours later than usual waiting for you." "I hope you appreciate that." "We certainly do, Doctor." "We certainly do." "Right." "Well, then let's get on with it, shall we?" " Where are my glasses?" " Glasses?" "Oh, come on, Doctor, don't tell me you wear glasses." "Why, you shouldn't wear glasses." "You've got such beautiful eyes." "They're so big and blue too." "Now look here, Doctor." "How many fingers do I have up?" " Huh?" " Congratulations." "You passed." "Now could we get on with the examination?" "Yes, all right." "( clears throat) Now, uh, what is your name?" " Hymie." " Hymie what?" "That's his code name, Doctor." "Oh." "Do you drink?" "Only a little oil now and then." "( laughing ) "A little oil now and then."" ""A little oil now and then."" "That's very funny, Hymie, but this is no time for jokes." "The doctor is very tired and wants to go home and get a good night's sleep." " I'm sorry, Max." " Do you smoke?" "Only when I drink cheap oil." "( mutters )" "I'm sure we have all this information down at CONTROL headquarters." "Why don't we get on with the physical examination, huh?" "An excellent idea." "Excellent." "Would you mind stepping on the scale?" "982 lbs." "Did I say 982 lbs?" "No, you said 182 lbs, Doctor." " 182." " Oh." " What's next, Doctor?" " Next, uh, next." "Well, let's check his heart." "Jump up on the table, please." "Just send the bill to CONTROL." "We'll take care of it down there, Doctor." "Hymie, come over here." "The doctor wants to check your ears." "Pasteur:" "Let's take a look here." "I'm going to prescribe a couple of aspirins and a good night's rest." "Why?" "Is there anything wrong him, Doctor?" "Oh, no, there's nothing serious, just a lot of gears and levers in his head." "Well, doctor, if you'll just sign this release here, we'll be on our way." "All right." "By the way, doctor, here are your glasses." "Oh oh, thank you." "Thank you very much, doctor." "Come on, Hymie, let's get your clothes and get out of here." "Gears and levers in his head." "I've gotta cut down on those health foods." "If these designs meet with your approval, Octavia, we'll put the finishing touches on them and they'll be in your wardrobe within 24 hours." "The evening gown and the peignoir are fine." "Have that walking suit made out of herringbone tweed rather than check." "Certainly, Octavia." " ( intercom buzzes )" " Yes?" " Man:" "Number One here." " What is it?" "Octavia, I do wish you would say "sir" when you speak to me." "It sets a bad example for the others." "I say "sir" to no man." "What do you want?" "CONTROL has selected a new number-two man." "We don't want this one destroyed." "Bring him back here with you." "Is that clear?" "Have you ever had to tell me more than once?" "No, but" " Man:" "Aircraft." " Have my plane ready in 20 minutes." "Yes, Octavia." "Where will you be going?" "To Washington." "Another CONTROL agent is about to meet his doom." "Hi, Chief." "Where's Hymie?" "Oh, Hymie's in the lab being reprogrammed for an executive-type attitude and personality-- hard, cold, efficient." "Octavia won't have a chance." "Oh, hi, Hymie." "Gee, you look nice." "Somehow it's hard for me to picture you as an executive." "You just don't seem the type." "I believe I am adequately reprogrammed to cope with this assignment." "Oh, good." "You'll be operating out of your apartment, Max." "Right, Chief." "Come on, Hymie, let's go." "Don't touch my body." " Familiarity breeds contempt." " Don't touch your body?" "But I've put my hand on your shoulder lots of times." "You never said anything about contempt." "If we are to continue working together, Maxwell, it must be strictly impersonal and businesslike." "But, Hymie, we've always been friends." "I wasn't an executive then." "Now things are going to be different." " 86." " Huh?" "You haven't much stamina, do you, 86?" "What are you talking about, Hymie?" "I was just resting my eyes." "You were sleeping on the job." "I wish I were sleeping on my bed." "What are you doing?" "Giving you a demerit." " A demerit?" " 10 demerits and you're dishonorably discharged, page 127, paragraph four, "CONTROL Constitution and Bylaws."" "Well, that breaks it." "I'm going to bed." "I believe as number-two man in CONTROL" "I am entitled to the choice sleeping accommodations." "Hymie, I'm going to bed in my own bed." "We'll see about that." "Hello, Chief." "Time to get up." "What time is it?" " 5:00." " 5:00." "5:00!" "Now look, Hymie, I know you're trying to do a good job, but this is ridiculous!" "We'll be to the office before the cleaning woman." "Why so early?" "To study Octavia's pattern during the past few years to determine how and when she'll attack next." "Look, Hymie, I don't know about you, but I can't operate without sleep." "I'm not a machine, you know." "Sorry about that, Hymie." "Sticks and stones may break my bones..." "Will you stop that?" "I said I was sorry." "Hitting an executive" "Come on, Hymie, let's go." "Hymie, come over here." "You've got me down for nine demerits." "I don't suppose you'd consider starting from scratch?" " No." " Okay for you." "Let's go." "That's it, Max, you're out." "Come on." "Oh, Hymie, snap off that light, will you?" " ( knocking at door )" " Come in." "May I straighten up your office now, Mr. Hymie?" "Yes, please." "I'll try not to disturb you." "That's all right." "Hymie?" "Oh, hello, Octavia." "I've been expecting you." "You have walked into our trap and reached the end of your evil road." "You are powerless against me." "I always knew that one day I'd be caught." "I'm glad you were the one, Hymie." "Flattery will get you nowhere." "Now that you've put an end to my evil life of crime, may I express my appreciation?" "If you like." "( static crackling )" "Look, Chief." "Max, what's been going on in here?" "These look like the clothes the cleaning woman was wearing." "Max, look at this." "So that's how Octavia did it." "Why, she's been right under our noses all the time, Chief," " disguised as a cleaning woman." " This is terrible." "I know." "Good cleaning women are hard to get." " What's this, Chief?" " Looks like a lady's compact." "Octavia must have left it behind." "I don't believe it." "I just don't believe it." " What are you talking about?" " It's almost impossible." "Chief, if I'm right," "Hymie could be in very grave danger." "Here." "We'd better take these." "Right." "Have it ready for take off in 30 minutes." "There will be two of us." "I'm signing off now." "( clicking )" "( whirring )" "( ticking )" " Hi." " Hi." "May I try that?" "( whirring )" "I guess we're not wired the same." "Wouldn't it be boring if we were?" "May I?" "Now as soon as you put all those papers in your briefcase, Hymie, we can go." "I've never met anyone like you, Octavia." "I've never met anyone like you, Hymie." " You're different somehow" " Thank you." "the cute little way you click your eyes, the way you make my gyros race whenever you kiss me, the way my oil boils when you're near." "( door opens )" "Hymie, what are you doing with those papers?" "Hello, Maxwell, I was just going to give them to Octavia." "Listen, Hymie, I'm your friend so I'm gonna give it to you straight." "Octavia doesn't care a thing about you." "She's just using you to get information from CONTROL." "She'll throw you on the scrap heap the first chance she gets." "Hymie doesn't believe that." "It's all over, Octavia." "You've victimized your last number-two man of CONTROL." "We're leaving." "Come, Hymie." "Hymie, stay right where you are!" "Come here, Hymie." "Isn't she wonderful, Max?" "So strong yet so feminine." " Coming, dear." " Over my dead body." "That can be arranged." "Quick, Chief, the force-field unit!" "( clicks )" "( air humming )" " Okay, Chief?" " Yes, I'm all right." " Are you all right, Hymie?" " Yes, Maxwell." "What a magnificent piece of construction." "What a pity she doesn't work on the side of law and goodness." "Thank heaven you knew that compact was a miniature robot tool kit, Max." "Yes, well, you see, Chief, Hymie carries the same sort of tool kit in his wallet." "Be careful, Chief, don't step into that force field." "No, I won't, Max." "Much as I hate to do it, I'm afraid she's going to have to be disassembled." "Mmm, poor Hymie." "She would have made a good friend for him." "Stay here with me, Octavia." " We can have you reprogrammed." " I wish I could, Hymie." "You're the only one I've ever met that had anything inside." "Then stay." "There's too much against us." "For one thing, our grounds are different." "I'm plus and you're minus." "So what?" "As long as we have each other." "Can't you see?" "People would point at us and say," ""Disgusting-- he's positive and she's negative."" "They'd never leave us alone." "Then we'll move away, live by ourselves." "For how long?" "Sooner or later, you'd need a new tube, I'd need a condenser." "Then we'll move again." "That would be all right for the next 200-300 years, Hymie, but I want something permanent." "See, it just won't work." "You can't return to KAOS." "I know." "It would be impossible after knowing you." "Then what are you going to do?" "I have that all figured out." "I'm going to miss you, Octavia." "And I you, Hymie." " Before you go may I--?" " Of course you may." "( static crackles )" "Goodbye, Hymie." "Here, Hymie, drink this." " Thanks, Max, I needed that." " Me too." "( gasps, coughs )" "Grief, what was that?" "Hymie's special blend-- kerosene and oil." "It's no use, Chief." "Hymie won't come out of the lab." "He's taken this Octavia affair pretty hard." " How long has he been in there, Max?" " A week, ever since he resigned his position as second-in-command of CONTROL." "Well, you should be able to talk to him." "You're his best friend." "Well, I'll try, Chief." " Are you all right, Hymie?" " We were worried about you." " I'm all right." " Well, you look awful." "And you're squeaking." "Have you been taking your oil lately?" "I have failed." "I have tried and tried, but I have failed." "What are you talking about, Hymie?" "How have you failed?" "I was so lonely for Octavia, I thought I could find a substitute, but the best I could do was this." "Hymie, you mean to say you rebuilt her all by yourself?" "Yes, sir." "I wonder if in your spare time you'd-- never mind." "Why, Hymie, she's just as beautiful as ever." "Why, she's perfect." "No, she's not." "Say hello to Max and the Chief." "Max's voice:" "Hello, Max." "Hello, Chief." "Hymie told me all about you." "So what's wrong with that?" "( theme music playing )"