"(Crow caws)" "(Piano playing "Over The River And Through The Wood") (Frankie) Every family has their favorite Thanksgiving recipe." "This is ours." "I just don't get why we can't stay in a motel." "Because, Mike, everybody in one house is what makes holidays special." "Me and my mom and my sister hanging out in our pj's having breakfast..." "Late nights listening to my dad tell his bawdy jokes..." "Mm." "If we stayed at a motel, we would be missing out on all those little nuggets of happiness." "Sorry if I'm not excited about sleeping on an air mattress." "My back hurts just thinking about it." "I told you, we get the bedroom this time." "It's our turn." "Besides, Janet won't even be there till tomorrow because she's got Lucy's pilgrim hip-hop recital." "(Scoffs) Great." "The miracle baby's taking hip-hop now?" "She was a miracle." "Janet had one good egg, Mike." "One." "Oh, yeah." "Forgot to tell you." "Aunt Janet called." "She said Lucy's recital got canceled, so they're getting there today." "What?" "(Engine revs)" "(Tires screech)" "(Mike) Yes!" "They're not here yet!" "Move, move, move!" "(Mike) Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!" "(Mike)" " Hey!" "(Pat)" " Ohh..." "Happy turkey day, sweetie!" "Mom!" "(Sue) Grandpa!" "Hi, pat." "Nice to see you." "Good to see you." "Good to see you." "How are you, tag?" "Aw, come on." "Okay." "Here we go." "Oh, you got here fast." "Yeah, we made good time." "I'll, uh, put our stuff in the bedroom." "(Singsongy) There they are!" "Oh, wow, Janet." "Oh." "Y-you got here first." "(Normal voice) I know." "We already unpacked." "Gary's in the guest room getting a little work done while Lucy takes her nap." "Give your auntie fabulous a hug!" "(Mouths word)" "(Squeals) (Pat) Aw." "Ohh, I miss my sistah." "Ohh." "You look so good." "So when did you guys get here?" "Yeah." "Yeah, didn't see your car when we pulled in." "Oh, well, Gary actually just got a new SUV, so dad let us park it in the garage." "Hey, Mike." "Come on." "I'll get you set up with them air mattresses." "Oh, no." "It's okay, tag." "I remember where they are from last time." "Oh, shoot." "I'm sorry." "Was it your guys' turn to be in the bedroom?" "I just thought it'd be better for everybody, you know, with Lucy's nap time and all, but we can totally switch if you want." "(Hissing)" "(Sighs)" "(Piano playing "Over The River And Through The Wood")" "(Snoring)" "Hey, sleepyhead, it's 7:30." "How do you like your tag-cakes?" "At 9:30." "(Chuckles) I'll bet Axl's hungry." "(Munching)" "Attaboy." "Enjoy 'em." "I put three sticks of butter in every batch." "Mm." "(Pat) Morning, Mike." "Hey, there he is." "Ooh, you are rocking those pj's." "(Laughs)" "Mm-hmm." "(Whistles) Whoo." "(Laughs) So, mom..." "What's the plan?" "When are you gonna start cooking tomorrow?" "Mike's been dreaming about your famous sweet potatoes." "Oh, don't worry, Mike." "You're gonna get your sweet potatoes." "(Thud)" "This year, I prepared everything ahead of time and I froze it." "Made these babies in July." "After all, Thanksgiving is about the family, not the food." "It's a little about the food." " So, mom..." " Mm?" "You never finished telling us that story about Uncle Phil and aunt Helen." "Ooh, yes." "Dirt, ple-ahz." "Well... aunt Helen comes home early from the bingo trip, and she found him with his home health care worker, proving services not covered by the HMO. (Gasps)" " No." " Not again." "Yes, again." "Uh, maybe we should talk about this later." "It's okay." "Sue can hear the family gossip." "She is not a little girl anymore." "No, I am not." "I matured on September 21st, if you know what I'm sayin'." "I'm saying I got my period." "(Laughs)" "(Chuckles)" "Yeah, we got the e-mail." "So anyway, aunt Helen, who's still very feisty..." "And just like that," "Sue became a member of the blah blah sisterhood." "(Piano playing "Over The River And Through The Wood")" "Brick, you need to play with Lucy." "Sue, I'm on vacation." "This is my time to decompress." "Why can't you play with her?" "'Cause we adults are talking in the kitchen, and she keeps coming in and interrupting us, and plus we're talking about things that aren't appropriate for her to hear" "Major family secrets." "I've already said too much." "Okay." "Lucy?" "I'm going into the kitchen with the adults because I am one." "So..." "You want to play librarian?" "I'll read, and in six hours, you tell me the library's closing." "This one's for my liver." "This one here-- This is for my foot fungus, and this one thins my blood." "No lie" " If I get as much as a splinter," "I can bleed out faster than you can say Tom Sawyer." "Heh." "Don't get old, Mike." "Believe me, I'm weighing all my options." "How's that tv coming, Axl?" "Yeah, you can punch those buttons till you're blue in the face." "That tv ain't coming on." "Damn cable company wanted to charge me an extra 4 bucks a month for HD." "You know where I told 'em to go." "Here?" "To fix the tv?" "I got those bastards right where I want 'em." "I guarantee you they're gonna blink first." "Besides, it's the holidays." "Who needs tv?" " I do." " I do." "(Gasps) Oh." "Janet." "I almost forgot." "I bought the little marshmallows Lucy wanted for her hot cocoa." "They didn't have the pink ones, so I just got her the white ones." "Oh, shoot." "She really wanted the pink ones." "Well, I don't think anybody's gonna run out right now just to get a different color marshmallow." "Can someone run out and get a different colored marshmallow?" "I'll go." "Me, too." "Did you hear what we're supposed to get?" "I just heard "who wants to leave?"" "(Muzak playing)" "Hey." "How you doing?" "Fine." "Cool." "Cool." "Just the tiny pink marshmallows, sir?" "Oh, uh... (Clears throat) Yeah." "Right." "Those aren't for me." "Anything else?" "Uh, what type of gum would you recommend?" "I, uh, like to chew it while I play football." "Oh." "Yeah." "Ahh." "Hurt my shoulder." "(Inhales sharply) Not sure if it was from football..." "(Cash register dings)" "Or from playing guitar in my band that I play in." "You know..." "Thank you for shopping at the mini-mart." "I'm, uh..." "Axl, by the way." "Thank you, Axl, for shopping at the mini-mart." "(Chuckles) What?" "Nothing." "I just never really witnessed your game up close before." "(Imitating Axl) "What kind of gum would you recommend?"" "Hey, I think I laid some nice groundwork." "Really?" "'Cause I think you dug a big hole and then fell in it." "You can't just talk about yourself, Axl." "You gotta ask them some questions." "Women like to talk about themselves." "Why do you even care about this?" "'Cause someday" "I'd like you to get married and get out of my house." "(Lucy cries)" "Ohh." "He won again!" "I wanted to be the pretty pretty princess!" "Pumpkin, did you?" "(Cries)" "Did you want to be the pretty pretty princess?" "Uhuh. (Crying)" "You know, Frankie, it wouldn't kill Brick to let her win." "Mom, look at me." "Do you honestly think I wanted to win this game?" "Whatever, Brick." "Just pick something she can win." "I tried letting her win at connect four, but she literally couldn't connect four and I couldn't stop connecting four." "(Lowered voice) You know, for a miracle baby, she's not too bright." "(Lucy cries)" "Wow." "Brick's a little competitive there, isn't he?" "I guess he's just not used to this." "At our house, if you win, you win, and if you lose, you lose." "You know, kind of like in real life." "That's funny, 'cause a lot of the books that I'm reading are kind of saying the opposite of that, so..." "Hey, you know what?" "There's a lot of snow outside, so you kids want to go out and play in it?" "Brick loves building snowmen." "He does?" "(Babyish voice) Do you want to build a snowman with your cousin, sweetie?" "Get outside, Brick." "(Piano playing "Over The River And Through The Wood")" "(Crying) It's okay, puppy." "(Sighs) We can't find Mr. Bear." "Probably went someplace with the tv." "Lucy goose, we'll find him." "(Crying)" "It's okay." "Mr. Bear will turn up." "Let's not freak out." "She's not freaking out." "She's just upset, which is an appropriate emotional response for the situation." "Okay." "How about this?" "Why don't we calm down and have a little snack?" "And we'll look for him later." "Does that sound okay to you, Lucy?" "Is this one of those nuggets of happiness you were talking about?" "And by the way, why the hell isn't Gary out here enjoying this nugget with us?" "Because he's in his room working." "He's a chiropractor." "What could he possibly be working on?" "(Axl) Found it!" "Ohh." "That was really scary, huh?" "I hope you never have to go through anything like that ever again." "(Squeak)" "(Distorted male voice) I love you." "Whoa." "Mr. bear's stroking out." "He's broken." "It's Brick's fault." "He had it last!" "No, I didn't." "I came in to get hot cocoa," " and you were still playing with him." " I was not!" "Why don't you kids come to the kitchen?" "And grandma will defrost you some cookies." "Ohh." "It's just such a bummer, 'cause it was her favorite toy." "Oh, she'll get over it." "Stick a couple cookies in her mouth, she'll be fine." "Yeah, it's just so unlike Lucy to leave a toy outside." "She's usually really, really responsible." "Kids" " What are you gonna do, right?" "Right." "Anyway, the bear was $60, and you can get him at the toy store at the mall." "(Sighs)" "(Piano playing "Over The River And Through The Wood")" "Mike, are you awake?" "What do you think?" "I really think Janet wants me to pay for that bear." "That's 'cause she does." "(Sighs) I can't believe she could act this way." "I just think it's so wrong." "So tell her that." "Oh, maybe I should just give her the money." "Sounds great." "No." "You know what?" "I'm not giving her the money." "Mm." "She and Gary are doing very well, and she knows we couldn't even afford to fix our roof." "We can't afford to just throw away 60 bucks." "I will give you 75 right now to stop this conversation." "You know what makes me mad?" "Well, it's not waking up your husband." "That's for sure." "She's questioning our son's honesty." "Brick said he didn't do it, he didn't do it." "He didn't do it, did he?" "(Brick) I didn't do it." "Brick, this is a private conversation." " No, it's not." " Wish it was." "I didn't do it." "Hey, hey." "Everybody pipe down." "It's almost 6:00 in the morning." "I'd like to get two seconds' sleep before the sun comes up on another tv-less day." "(Curtain rings swoosh)" "Happy Thanksgiving!" "(All groaning)" "(Switch clicks)" "With even his own family doubting him," "Brick knew it was to him to prove his innocence." "Uh, the defrosting seems to have sucked a little taste out of the food and tag's used up all the butter, so I'm gonna need someone to run to the store." " Got it." " On it." "(Door closes)" "Ooh, Brick, can you be careful with that frame?" "That's one of grandma's favorites." "He can pick up the frame, Janet." "Oh, okay, sure." "But remember that one time when he broke mom's antique vase?" "That was when he was 5." "He's 10 now." "He's fine." "Sure, but he still has his issues, right?" "What do you mean, issues?" "Well, you know, he's got his things." "He's, like, special." "Brick's not special." "He's perfectly normal." "Don't worry about anything, Brick." "You're fine." "(Clink)" "(Muzak playing)" "Okay." "Watch and learn." "(Sighs)" "So they got you working on Thanksgiving, huh?" "Yeah, but it's okay." "I'm trying to save some money for college." "Oh, is that right?" "What high school do you go to?" "St. Mary's." "Oh, yeah." "That's the catholic school just down the street." "So do you gotta wear those catholic girl uniforms with the skirts?" "Sir, this conversation is making me uncomfortable." "Smooth, dad." "I thought that "Dateline" guy was gonna come out of the back." "(Chuckles) Shut up." "Hey, guys, you got the butter?" "Actually, they were out." "Out?" "I buy 12 sticks a week there." "Come on." "I'll come with you and show you where they are." "(Axl sighs)" "Hey, guys." "Where's the fire?" "We're going to the store to get butter." "Interesting." "Now is there a reason why it takes three adults to purchase dairy products?" "It would only take one adult to stuff you in a snowbank." "Okay." "Just don't leave town." "(Piano playing "Over The River And Through The Wood")" "So I think she wants me to buy her a new bear." "Did she say that?" "Well, not exactly, but you know her tone, mom." "There was a definite tone." "And it's not even the money that bothers me." "It's the judgment." "I'm just happy to have both my girls home for the holiday." "(Lowered voice) I'm just saying, since he's the one who broke it, they should step up and, you know, pay for" "(Normal voice) Hey." "Hey." "What are you guys talking about?" "Oh." "We were just discussing how to prepare the corn." "Oh, really?" " Mm-hmm." " 'Cause the corn is my job." "So if the corn is being discussed, it's sort of weird that I'm not part of the corn discussion, isn't it?" "All right, Axl." "Go get the butter." "Well, why can't you do it?" "'Cause I don't want to." "Hey, guys, what gives?" "He doesn't want to go back in there 'cause he got shot down trying to pick up the hot cashier." "No, I was trying to teach him how to talk to girls 'cause he was embarrassing himself." "(Chuckles) Axl, Axl, Axl." "Listen, if you wanted tips on the ladies, you should have come to the old tag-eroo." "Here's what you do." "First you win over her father." "Then you buy her a rose every day for two weeks." "Trust me, you'll be holding hands in six months." "Well, grandpa, that's all really awesome advi" "Come on, let's go in." "I'll be your sidecar." "Wingman." "(Sighs)" "(Muzak playing)" "Hi there." "Still selling those gummi worms, huh?" "Yeah." "Classic candy. 'Couse my wife won't let me eat 'em anymore." "They-- they give me the winds." "(Sighs)" "(Piano playing "Over The River And Through The Wood")" "Hey." "Are you sleeping?" "I'm just trying to take a little nap." "Oh." "Okay." "Just because you said you were gonna do the corn, so..." "Yeah." "I'm a little tired." "I haven't been getting much sleep down here in my bedroom." "You know what?" "I offered to give you the guest room when you got here." "Oh, yeah." "It was a nice offer." ""Oh, I just thought it would be best for everybody, you know, with Lucy's naps."" "For your information, Lucy's pediatrician said she needs a quiet environment to sleep in." "Oh, really?" "She doesn't sleep well?" "Yeah." "'Cause I thought the miracle baby just hovered over her bed on a magical cloud." "Ohh." "And there it is." "You know what?" "You have always resented Lucy because you never wanted another mom having a reason to be tired." "What?" "!" "Ohh, you're always so worn out, Frankie, and you love it because you're a martyr." "Every time I call you on the phone, you never have time to talk because you're so overwhelmed." "Well, guess what?" "I'm tired, too!" "You think you're more tired than me?" "Yeah, I know that I am." "As a matter of fact, maybe I'll just lie around now, too." "How about that?" "Oh, no." "No." "How could you be tired?" "You've got one kid." "(Sighs) I've got three!" "Not to mention a full-time job and a house to keep clean." "Oh, right." "You're all about the clean house." "Look, we're just about to have Thanksgiving dinner, and it looks like a bomb got dropped in here." "You want me to clean up?" "Fine." "Fine." "I'll clean up." "Here." "Here we go." "I'm cleaning the hell up!" " Is that clean enough for you?" " Perfect!" "Maybe I'll even make my bed." "Hey, there's a first time for everything." " Get off!" " No!" "I'm tired." "I'm resting." "Get off, Janet!" "Make me!" "(Grunting)" "(Pants) Listen." "Lucy happens to be very gifted, and it's a lot of work." "There's dance and French..." "Your kids are almost grown up." "How hard could that be?" "(Yells)" "You think this is all smooth sailing for me?" "!" "Huh?" "!" "Do you know what I found in Axl's bed the other week?" "A gallon of chocolate chip ice cream." "Sue cannot make a team to save her life, and on top of all of that, Brick is special!" "Oh." "So now Brick's special." "Because before you said he wasn't." "So maybe you should get two different flags to hold up so we know which Brick you're talking about!" "(Both pant)" "I'm not paying for that stupid bear!" "Fine!" "Forget about it!" "I'll pay for the bear!" "How about this?" "I'll buy you a new bear when you replace that plastic hot dog you lost from my picnic set when I was 6!" "Mom bought that for both of us!" "Not true!" "It... was..." "Mine!" "(Thud) Uhh!" "(Yelling)" "(Thud) Uhh!" "(Sighs)" "What followed was the quietest Thanksgiving dinner ever." "No talking" " Just the sound of plastic on paper." "But for Brick, there was a mystery to solve, so he did what any good detective would do." "He returned to the scene of the crime." "Note" "Two sets of footprints lead to where the bear was found." "One are Axl's, who found the furry victim." "The other ones have a star pattern on the bottom." "Clearly, whoever has a star on the bottom of their boots is the culprit." "(Whispers) Culprit." "I'm finding multiple star footprints." "Oh, my gosh." "They're following me." "And with that," "Inspector Whodunit closed the case." "(Piano playing "Over The River And Through The Wood")" "(Bottles clink)" "Is there any stuffing in there?" "(Voice breaking) I'm so sorry." "I'm sorry, too." "Ohh." "I didn't mean all those things I said." "Oh, neither did I." "You know, I think the reason we fight is because we love each other so much, but we never get to see each other." "We need to get together more." "Yeah." "That's what needs to happen." "And I'm sorry if I make you feel like I don't have time for you." "I think sometimes I want to get off the phone because" "I'm jealous that your life seems to be going all perfect." "Oh, no, silly, I'm not perfect." "It's just easier for me." "I could never do what you do." "Oh, stop." "No, it's true, Frankie." "Don't you understand?" "Watching you as a mom was the whole reason" "I wanted to have kids in the first place." "Oh!" "Oh!" "(Children) Bye!" "Bye-bye!" "Bye!" "See?" "I told you it would be a perfect Thanksgiving." "What Thanksgiving were you at?" "(Janet) Bye!" "(Piano playing "Over The River And Through The Wood")"