"on "Casual"..." "I can't house you." "I don't even know where I'm sleeping at." " But I want to help." " Help here." "housing..." "But I want to help you." "right?" "the crossword?" "At least until the construction stops." "Did you have these made before I got here?" "No." "You're sad." "Why are you sad?" "My friend moved away." "Do you love her?" "Jack and I went to Fresno." "yeah?" " Yeah." "Met Rich and his family." "They're sweet." "who's Rich?" "He's my half-brother." "I don't know..." "I don't know what my fucking problem is." "Totally overrated." "Absolutely 100% properly rated." "They're like every other family." "Like..." "like the Osbournes." " That's slander." " And the inbreeding?" "There's got to be a lot of inbreeding. no one wears a lace dress like Kate Middleton." " That I will concede." " Thank you." " Oh." "" "Have you seen "Fun Home"?" "It's a vibrant musical." "Hamilton" before "Hamilton." "I'd love to see "Hamilton." "can you excuse me just one..." "Is everything okay?" "Leon..." "I want you to know these last few months have been wonderful. and intimate." "They've been perfect." "Exactly." "And perfect is scary for me." "like..." "Let's just say..." "Perfect isn't me." "Okay." "But I want it to be." "They say that your ideal partner is someone that you would be okay with if everyone else in the world died. and somehow just the two of us I think I'd be okay." "Relatively." "You make my heart burst when you walk into a room." "Will you walk into every room with me?" "Will you marry me?" "Is that a yes?" "My mom always said to get verbal confirmation." "Yes." "Yes?" "Yes." "Very much yes." "Good." "I'll make breakfast." "I have to pick up Clark." " Oh." " You still have that son? but the tax credits are... my God." "Look." "Leon's engaged." "Holy fucking fuck." "my God." "It's perfect." "Leia and Leon." "So alliterative." "Who's Leia?" "Val's assistant." "With her cat." "you don't care." "Leon wants to get coffee later." "my God." "You think he wants me to be the best man?" "and I need to go and get my son." "bye." " Mm." " Thank you." " Sorry." " That's okay." "I'm just so excited." "Is it a green card thing?" "actually." "And this has been going on for... my God." "Wow. you know?" "He's my person." "My survival partner." "Will you be a bridesmaid?" "I..." "I've never been a bridesmaid." "I'd like you to be mine." "I'd be really honored." " Yay!" "I'm sharing your info with my sisters." "They're hosting an engagement fête for us tomorrow." "I thought you only had one sister." "but she's addicted to methamphetamines." "These are my Delta Sig sisters." "but you know." "You can't choose your family." "But you did choose them." "they chose me." "Leia!" "this is Alex." "Leave a message." "Or don't." "I'll look at my call log and decide whether or not to call you back." "Did you hear?" "Okay." "You must have heard." "this is crazy." "Did you know about any of this?" "And now I'm a..." "I'm a bridesmaid." "my God." "Call me." "fuck me. and so now I'm out a copilot." "I thought you weren't supposed to go to strangers' houses you meet on Craigslist." "but it's not" " an actual thing." " Right." "Pep Boys is walking distance." "though." "filters." "bro." "Oil change." "Oil." "Grease it up and let's go." "right?" " Pussy grabs back." " Damn right it does." "So why you going to Sac-to?" " Volunteering." " Trust fund kid?" "just upwardly mobile." "So you're leaving tomorrow?" "At the stroke of midnight." "I drive on a lunar schedule on account of my vampire blood." "And I fucking hate traffic." "I'll just need a hundo for gas and tolls." "That much?" "Is that a problem?" "not at all." "Leon." "Leon!" "Hello!" "Hey." "man." "I'm a lot of surprised." "Why didn't you say anything?" "what are you thinking for the bachelor party?" "I hear Cartagena is amazing now that it's not overrun by cartels... we can finally get that cocaine." " About that..." " I'm kidding." "I'm just kidding." "that's amazing." "what are you expecting?" "I suppose a good speech" " does a little of both..." " Alex." "You're not my best man." "Okay." "I'm happy just to be a groomsman." "I'm not a groomsman?" "It'll be a small wedding party." " I introduced you to Leia." " Valerie introduced me to..." "I introduced you to Valerie." "you didn't." " That Aussie guy?" " That the best man?" "Ryan." "Yes." "man." "This must be what girls felt like in middle school." "You're a friend." "A good friend." "Please don't take this the wrong way." "no." "Of course not." "We're having an engagement party tomorrow." "it would be good to have you there." "yeah." "Cool." "but sure." "Oh." "Blowing up." "shit." "Office needs me." "I got to run." "man." "Seriously." "So happy for you." "Never join a sorority." " Duly noted." " Do you have a Bitmoji?" "'Cause what is the point? Anglicized avatar that takes funny shit from gay culture and makes it our own?" "Queen." "don't their faces look eating disorder-y?" "What's with that?" "What are you doing here?" "Getting back into photography?" "you could say that." "I call this one "Still Life With Table." "good." "gurl!" "my God." "Jesus." " Oh." " Hey." "I brought ice cream." " Hi." " Leon and Leia are having an engagement party later." "but if you feel like then the invite's on the table." "Could be hard for me to get a sitter." "We only need to make a cameo." "or should I eat with my hands?" "I am not above eating with my hands." "Clark's gonna be here any minute." "I think. but I don't think it's time for him to eat mint chip with the two of us together." "Especially when the mint chip shows up unannounced." "Oh." "Of course." "that makes sense." "Um... and..." "Yep." "Right." "Keep that for the two of you." "One's enough for me." "Alex." " Uh-huh." "Randy Brown was New Mexico State." "Luc Longley was New Mexico." "And Luc Longley named a species of shrimp." "Luc Longley." "I have no idea." "but let's continue this conversation tomorrow at length." "Okay." "Bye." "Hi." " Hi." " What's up?" "my stomach won the war so how do you feel about tacos?" "I kind of just ate with some guys from work." "You just kind of ate?" "I ate a cheeseburger to completion." "I thought we were gonna eat together." "I would have." "why didn't you text me?" "'Cause I would have gladly eaten a cheeseburger." "I will next time." "Sorry." "I'm just gonna..." "I'll eat an appeasement yogurt." "What do you want to do tonight?" "We have plans?" "aren't you?" "We could watch movies." "Hang out on the couch?" "Okay." "Are you mad at me?" "it's just these bridesmaids." "they want me to pick up mason jars and mini-pies." "It's like a Pinterest-sponsored shakedown." " Mini-pies?" " Yeah." "And Alex still hasn't called me back." "that..." "Is maybe a good thing." "Maybe he's finally jumping off the codependency carousel." "Have you seen my running shoes?" "dumbass." "You can't just show up uninvited." "I was reeling. but that's inevitable because he never asks anything of me." "and I can't be held to the standards of Sainthood." "Why do you think he didn't tell you about Leia?" "maybe he thought I wouldn't approve." "Or he was nervous." "Or racial politics." "He told me a month ago." "When I asked about his life. all my friends were like so pumped that I was right? only my best friend Julia showed up." "Never even had to ask. you pack the U-Haul." " Hey." "Yay." "you must be the only antique store huh?" " You'd be surprised." " Huh." "Hmm." "Nice office." " Very generic." " Thank you. so I'm still just kind of finding my way around here." " She probably deserved it." " I got a random question." "You ever leave your shoes on a bed?" " No." " Right?" "Because the sanctity of the bed cannot be muddied by shoes." "I had an ex who wore a mouth guard to bed." " She left that shit everywhere." " Eww." "my problem is more clothes." "Just leaves them around for me to find like little sweaty prizes." "You're already living together? so I can't ask him to leave now." "Why not?" "and" "I'll freak out that I kicked him off the wagon." "you just let him define the relationship on his terms." " I get it." " No." "I am supporting his recovery in whatever way is necessary." "shut up." "what do I know?" "I'm..." "I'm just the jar guy." "that's what you are." "you're the jar guy. because nothing says "nuptials" like adult women in braids." "Maybe they could braid you a noose." "just..." "Thank you." "that's a good camera." "It's a piece of junk." "maybe you could buy it anyway." "a young girl with dreams." "Yeah?" "What dreams?" "World peace?" "$200 for the lot." "I need at least $500." "this is a fire sale." "I know desperation when I see it." "It's a buyer's market." "$450?" "How about I give you $500 for the table?" "000." "it's worth what someone's willing to pay for it." "is $500." "Table's not for sale." "Okay. $200 for the lot." "Take it or leave it." "Take it." "The sound bothering you?" "but I am inquiring about your perspective." "but thank you." "Yeah." "Hey." "That's a really great burned head." "Yeah." "I mean it." "Oh." "Hi." "Did we have plans?" "Is that how you greet your only daughter?" "Oh!" "Hi!" "Do we have plans!" "but better." "How much do you need?" "No." "I'm not that kid." "Tell me I'm not that kid." " How'd you know?" " Teenager shows up unannounced on her divorced dad's doorstep?" "That's a classic." "so is depressed single dad day-drinking." "I've missed you." "I can't pretend I wasn't hurt by groomsman-gate." "as with all great gates." "I know the friendship between us is at times tipped." "I wanted to give you this." "A bedroom?" "It's an office." "Yeah." "See?" "Desk and everything? so you've been working at a coffee shop." "rent-free?" "I..." "I don't know what to say." "Say yes." "Say no." "Say whatever you want." "and I will respect it either way." "The baristas think I'm a screenwriter." "They keep pitching themselves for roles." "But you're a composer." "I am a composer." "So you can let yourself in." "tell me about this engagement." "Did you get down on one knee?" "Leia proposed to me." "Le-on!" "Let me see that ring." "clearly my priorities were wrong." "I spent all summer... thank you..." "going door to door and speaking at city council meetings and I should have just been a sandwich artist." "They didn't pay you?" "Organized labor will enjoy a nice footnote of history." "000?" "250. and I promise not to have another crisis for at least a month." "I pay." "That's called faith." "hi." "You didn't tell me that Laura was coming by. - but I can go back and..." " No." "It's fine." "I don't think she wants to suffer through a full meal with us." "you guys enjoy." "Hi." "An apology aloe was unnecessary." "Thought it was more discrete than roses." "I'm sorry about yesterday." "Thank you." "And don't worry about that engagement party." "so I'll just drink until I'm numb enough to dance." "Now you tell me you can dance?" "really." "It's more moving my limbs indiscriminately to rhythm." "I could maybe get away for a couple hours." " Yeah?" " But you have to dance for me." "Absolutely not." "Okay." "Bye." "this is Alex." "Leave a message." "Someone's been reading Goop." "Why didn't you fix this?" "I haven't had time." "You don't have a job." "All you have is time." " Actually..." " Buckets and buckets of time." " It's just a table." " That's not the point." "All I ask is that you take responsibility." "I let you do whatever you want." "Can you please just fix the table?" "Fine." "Thank you." "Awh..." "Ow. - by the way." " Yeah." "I love it." "It's like..." "DNA." " Mm." " The building blocks of life." "Great." "I think I left my iPad back here." "Hey." "What's this?" "Champagne for the love birds." "Oh." "right?" "by the way?" "'Cause I'm starving." " Mm." " Want some cheeseburgers." "Tacos." "Mini-pies." "okay?" "He probably just got distracted by a shiny object." "Thank you." "my God." "sorority girls do not fuck around." "That's a lot of purple loofahs." " Hi." " These take-home loofahs?" "uh..." "This should be a ride at Disneyland." "I feel this is all Leon." " Should we get some Champagne?" " Yeah." "I went a little heavy..." "You have something on your tie." " Just kidding." "Hi!" " Hi." "I love your dress." " It matches everything." " Doesn't it?" "I'm like a chameleon who's infiltrating a wasp nest." "Alex." " Hi." " Jack." "Been too long." "I miss you." "Legit miss you." " I..." "I can't sleep at night." " We got to get the eggs together and make some barbecue babies." " Thank you for saying that." " Are they cheating on us?" "kind of." " Ah!" "Hi!" " Hey!" " Hey." "Whoa." "Hey." " Hi." " Congratulations." " Thank you." "my gosh." "Judy." " Hi." "Leia." " Hey." " Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you guys." " Best wishes." "Congratulations." " Thank you." "You've heard a lot about one another." " This is great." " This is so great." " It is great." " Yeah!" "we would never have happened if it wasn't for you." "I... this calls for a toast." "This calls for many toasts." " To Leon and Leia..." " And Valerie." "Without whom none of us would be here." "Cheers." "I thought you couldn't part with it." "It's a fucking table." "Mom's gonna be pissed." "Do you want it or not?" "Grab an end." "Look." "Thank you for coming with me." "You said there was an open bar." " And how about this?" " What?" " Indiscriminate arm movement." " Wow!" " That was not indiscriminate." " It was not." "They replenished the mini-pies." " Mm-hmm." " Bring me some." " Strawberry rhubarb?" " Curate a selection." "Right." " All right." "Hey." " Hey." "Stop ignoring me." "What?" "I'm not." "I left you an actual voicemail." "yeah." "What do you want me to tell you?" "Judy's been around a lot." "I haven't really had time to talk." "so that's what we're gonna do from now on?" "some text messages?" "This is what you wanted." "And you know what?" "You were right." "You and Jack are happy." "Me and Judy are happy." "Everything's working out." "just try to have a good time." " Did you see that?" " What?" "no." "I executed a perfect Electric Slide." "I don't know." "It was biblical." "The Red Sea parted." "I'm so sorry." " I'm so happy for you though." " Thank you." "Thank you for that." "I appreciate that." "I'm gonna go back out here." "Join me?" "I feel an impending Macarena coming on." "let me think about it for a second." "You sure?" "I'm very mediocre at dancing." "Have fun." "Leon's always been the kind of bloke and to hold your hair back when you're just a little too pissed." " We get it." "You're Australian." " I'm so gonna fuck him later." "I never thought I'd meet a gal but as usual..." " Hi." " Let's go." " I was wrong." " Where?" "wait." "I'd hate you both." "and I can't believe that this wonderful dream is becoming a reality." "Aww!" "wait." "What?" " What?" " What?" "Come on." "Let's go to the bathroom." " No." " Fine." " Let's go to my house." " Now?" "Just..." "Can we listen to the toasts?" "You're only there for me when it's on your terms." "What?" "What?" "Why are you being crazy right now?" "We're at a party for your friends." "Can we just have a nice evening?" "About Ryan's speech." "but it played." "Pathos and humor." "You chose well." "And I am grateful to be a part of this in whatever way you'll have me." "and I'm here to help." "we do need someone to oversee the ceremony." "that... my God." "Wow." "I'd be honored." "I can't believe it." "When's the wedding?" "we were thinking Easter." " In London." "hey." "right?" "We can show Clark London." " Uh..." " Big Ben." "West End." "Hogwarts." "The Royals?" "Yeah." "this is Valerie." "I'm not here right now." "Please leave a message." "¿Quieres?" "I'm good." "Whoo!" "Yeah."