"¶¶" "What's that all about?" "Oh!" "You're new here." "I've got a bit of a reputation." "So, what are you?" "A tough guy?" "Oh, I don't think anyone's ever called me tough." "I'm Milo." "I'm Zack." "BOY:" "No, Zack." "(SOFTLY) No, no, no, no." "So what exactly is this reputation?" "Well, people have used the "J" word, but you know what they say," ""Sticks and stones can damage your vital organs" ""so always wear body armor." (ARMOR THUDDING)" "Hi, Milo." "Hi, Melissa." "I'm just gonna stand back here." "Good call." "So, Milo, how was your weekend?" "Eventful." "Yeah, I'll bet." "I got a new scar." "Wanna see?" "Sure." "Okay." "(CAMERA CLICKS)" "(CELL PHONE CHIMES)" "Oh, cool." "That's a good one." "I know, right?" "All right, seriously, dude, what's going on here?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, what is all of this?" "And what is the "J" word?" "(SOFTLY) Well, I don't like to say it out loud." "(CRASHING)" "Ah, it's one of those heavy-duty bungees they use to tie stuff down in construction sites." "Hey, where did you get the..." "(RUMBLING)" "(SCREAMING)" "I bet my pudding pack we don't see them again today." "I'll take that action." "Really?" "Yeah, are you kidding?" "Milo's tough." "As a matter of fact, I'll see your pudding pack and raise you a snickerdoodle." "Or are you just all talk?" "(CHUCKLES) She just called you out!" "Whoa." "(SCREAMS) Wait, why aren't you screaming?" "I find it doesn't help." "Just hurts the larynx." "Hand me that bungee and you better hang on to my backpack." "Wait." "(SCREAMS)" "ZACK:" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "That bungee was definitely defective." "(BARKING)" "No, Diogee, go home." "Silly dog." "He's not supposed to be in the street." "(SCREAMS)" "(PEOPLE SCREAMING)" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "You might want to slide over this way a little." "(BOTH GRUNT)" "The "J" word wouldn't happen to be "jinx", would it?" "¶Lookat thatsun  Lookatthatsky" "¶Lookat my sweatervest Ilookso fly" "¶Lookat thatmailbox Lookatthattree" "¶It'saboutasbeautiful asitcanbe" "¶Whoa" "¶Todayis gonna beexceptional" "¶Neverboring evenforaminute" "¶It'smy world andwe'realllivin'init" "¶Whoa,whoa" "¶Neverboring evenforaminute" "¶It'smy world and we're all livin' in it ¶" "(DIOGEE BARKS)" "So, Melissa, what's up with your boy?" "I can almost taste that snickerdoodle now." "Oh, yeah?" "You wanna make it more interesting?" "What are you guys talking about?" "Melissa's betting that Milo's gonna make it to school and on time." "I'm in." "What's happened so far?" "Concrete drainage pipe chased him down a hill." "I got some vegan cheese sticks that says we don't see them till after lunch." "I got gummy licorice." "All right, all right." "Let me get my notepad." "No, no, no, no!" "Wait, wait!" "(GROANS) Oh, man." "I'm gonna miss my first day at a new school." "My parents are gonna flip out." "Don't worry." "My dad always says," ""What doesn't kill you only makes you late for school."" "So I don't think we're gonna miss the whole day." "(BARKING)" "No, Diogee, run home." "I'm going to school." "Plus, if we catch the bus at the next stop, we may not even be late." "I've got the bus route marked on my GP..." "S." "It must have gotten wet when we fell in the mud." "But fear not, I've got a backup right here." "Paper map!" "Old school." "(SCREECHING) Huh." "Oh, don't worry." "I remember the way." "This has happened before." "This has happened before?" "This exact thing?" "We'll beat them to the next stop." "We just have to go through the rock quarry." "Rock quarry, sure." "What could possibly go wrong?" "Sorry, boys." "There's been a little oil spill, as you can see." "It's been quite a mess, so nobody's getting through today." "I think we can still make it across." "I brought galoshes." "I didn't." "I've got an extra pair and they're hazmat rated for a level 4 biohazard." "I don't think..." "Here's a certificate from the EPA." "What are you a nine, nine and a half?" "Well, it's notarized so I suppose if you..." "(BIRD CHIRPING)" "(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)" "(SCREECHING)" "Maybe we should go through the woods." "ALL:" "Whoa!" "Look, they're safe!" "They're cutting through Coyote Woods." "Coyote Woods?" "What exactly is your definition of safe?" "Go, Milo!" "So do you even know where we are?" "Oh, yeah." "The fire's dried out my phone." "We are right in the middle of Coyote Woods." "Wait, Coyote Woods?" "(WHIMPERS)" "I've got a thing about coyotes." "They're like big dogs that are dangerous to pet." "Oh, don't worry." "There's no coyotes here." "There aren't?" "No." "Actually, the woods were named after actor Peter Coyote." "Really?" "Yeah." "He donated all this land to the city as a wolf preserve." "(WOLF HOWLING)" "You get how that's not better, right?" "(SCREAMING)" "Don't worry." "Wolves love peanut butter." "(GROWLING)" "(SCREAMS)" "(BARKING)" "Follow me." "(ALL BARKING)" "You know, wolves barely ever attack humans." "Is that true?" "Oh, yeah." "Bees are responsible for many more fatalities than wolves every year." "(BEES BUZZING)" "Hey!" "We're out of the woods." "What do you mean?" "We're outside the fence." "Just jump." "(HIVE THUDS)" "Wow!" "That was incredibly lucky." "The way the day's been going, I was pretty sure it was gonna... (HOWLING) (BEES BUZZING)" "(GRUNTS)" "(WOLF HOWLING)" "(ZACK SCREAMS)" "Are you guys seeing this?" "Yeah, why is that wolf wearing a turban?" "Double or nothing." "Who's in?" "How many fatalities are blamed on wolves and bees together?" "Well, we would be the first." "Whoa!" "(WOLF HOWLING IN DISTANCE)" "Here you go." "These will help us navigate in the dark." "Dude, if and when we get out of here," "I'm gonna have to go my own way." "No offense." "I just can't handle all of this." "All of what?" "(CHITTERING)" "This cyclone of calamity that follows you everywhere you go." "How do you live like this?" "How do you live like that?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, you wanna live like those other kids?" "They took a bus to school today." "A bus!" "Does that seem like more fun to you?" "Hmm, all right." "Where to next?" "Well, there's a loose grate up over here to the left." "I've been here before." "Of course you have." "All right, I guess we turn the water back on." "You know, we're missing one of those heavy-duty bungees that we tie stuff down with?" "And also a section of one of that concrete drainage pipe." "Huh?" "(GRUNTS)" "(ZACK YELLING)" "Hey, Milo, is that a new scar?" "Yeah, thanks for noticing." "Okay, Chelsea's in for a pack of chips." "Sid's up to two pudding packs." "I like that confidence, Sid, but you're going down." "Mort's down for cheese sticks and an apple, and Bradley is the big spender with a whole vacuum-sealed lunch pack, which I can cover, but I'll have to bring it tomorrow." "(GASPS) Look!" "There they are!" "Oh, man." "They're gonna beat us to school." "Never mind, there they go." "Anyone wanna up the ante?" "I wish we had a way to steer this thing to shore." "We don't need to." "Look!" "The Maple Street bridge!" "Here, I'll give you a boost." "(GROWLS)" "(SCREAMS) (DIOGEE BARKS)" "(SIGHS)" "(BARKS) Excellent, Diogee." "Good boy." "Here you go, but I do need you to go home, okay?" "Go home." "He's not supposed to be in the river." "(GASPS)" "(SCREAMS) (TIRES SCREECHING)" "(CREAKING)" "You know, I don't know if it's the adrenaline talking, but I'm starting to feel like we can handle anything that comes our way." "Well, maybe not anything." "Ninety seconds to the bell." "There is no way he's making it." "(SCOFFS) If you're so sure, it's not too late to sweeten the pot." "Done." "Three jawbreakers and some vitamin C tablets." "What?" "It's cold and flu season." "(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)" "(WHIRRING)" "You know, they are from out of town." "Maybe they don't even realize they're inconveniencing us." "Uh, guys?" "Guys?" "Um, I realize you've come a long way, but we really need to get to school." "Well, Melissa, start passing out the loot." "(BELL RINGING)" "Phew!" "Made it all in one piece." "Of course the wolves got my lunch." "Mine got crushed at the bus stop." "Guess we're going hungry." "Don't worry, I got you two covered." "GIRL:" "Here you go." "BOY:" "Here you go." "Ooh, look!" "A vitamin C tablet." "What?" "It's cold and flu season." "¶It'smy world and we're all livin' in it ¶" "The train to the Museum of Natural History should be here any..." "Forty-one seconds." "Forty-one seconds from now, apparently." "I'm really looking forward to seeing some paleontology, archeology..." "All the ologies, really." "Milo, you're an ology unto yourself." "Oh!" "Forgot my student discount." "(BEEPS) Thanks, Amanda." "Melissa, is there ever a time you haven't forgotten something?" "Yeah, February 30th or 31st..." "I forget." "Neither of those are dates." "I'll be giving a tour for anyone who's not going to be at the "Milo Show"." "Bradley, I don't have a performance planned." "Sure, you say that now, but then one geyser comes through the floor, and suddenly, Milo's the center of attention." "Oops!" "I'm stuck." "Cue geyser." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Interesting tidbit about the Museum of Natural History, it was..." "Shh!" "We're watching Milo in the turnstile." "It's like he's on Cirque du Subway." "(YELLS)" "Should we wait for the next one?" "Nah, he's got it." "In three, two, one... (YELLING)" "This floor is a lot cleaner than I expected." "MAN: (ON PA)  Next stop, the Museum of Natural History." "So, this is the subway?" "You've never been on it?" "It's dark and dirty and full of weird smells." "That was their ad campaign last year." "(WIND HOWLING IN DISTANCE)" "Hey, you guys ever hear about those mole people?" "(NERVOUSLY) No." "The urban legend?" "A subspecies of humanish creatures roaming the tunnels searching for prey." "Maybe we'll meet some." "Rather meet them aboveground." "Then they wouldn't be mole people, they'd be..." "People." "(THUDDING) Does it usually do this?" "Well, sometimes." "When the coupling's loose." "ZACK:" "The coupling's loose?" "What does that even mean?" "I better put on my seat belt." "How's that going to work?" "Easy, you insert the tab into the buckle until you hear a click." "Like this." "(BOTH GRUNT)" "Oh, I get it now." "I would've had extras, but you know, the llama incident." "And so, that's when the planetarium removed Pluto from the cosmo show." "Man, Pluto has to be a planet." "An astrologer told me it's in my fourth house." "No, Pluto..." "(THUDDING)" "The other car came off!" "Milo's in there." "Of course he is." "So, that's what a runaway train car looks like." "I'll be honest, I'm a little disappointed." "(ZACK YELLING)" "(RUMBLING) (SCREAMING)" "Well, at least we're aboveground." "(CHUCKLES)" "(YELLING)" "(ZACK AND MELISSA YELLING)" "(BATS SCREECHING)" "(BOTH SCREAMING)" "MILO:" "And then to unbuckle it, you press down this button." "(CLICKS)" "(EXHALES) Locked." "How can these be locked?" "Does it usually do this?" "(GRUNTS) The windows don't open either." "What is the point of a window that doesn't open?" "It provides work for window washers and glass installation professionals." "And the ceiling." "Is there usually a ceiling?" "(BREATHING HEAVILY)" "Zack, are you by chance claustro..." "Not claustrophobic." "Just claustro-avoidant." "I avoid enclosed places when possible." "Probably not possible right now." "It's better if I'm distracted." "Okay, wait." "Not helping." "How about this?" "(ACCORDION PLAYING)" "Now I'm distracted." "Have you been carrying that the whole time?" "I try to pack for any eventuality." "Now let's see about getting those doors open." "Ah, here we go." "Okay, next time, key first, tap dancing later." "This is amazing." "Look!" "A fossil!" "Chicken wing." "Circa 1993." "See?" "Nothing can live under here!" "Not even chickens." "Could be worse." "How?" "Mysterious underground creatures?" "I guess that would be worse." "No, mysterious underground creatures are coming towards us." "Silver lining, things can live down here." "MAN:" "Someone hit the lights." "(CLICKS)" "Well, I'll be honest." "I'm a little disappointed." "Young people from the overland." "You shall be our leaders!" "No, no, we have a leader." "It's Dave." "'Sup?" "It's a democratic hierarchical society." "Wait a minute." "Who are you guys?" "We live below." "The call us the "Belownies."" "No, they don't, Scott." "We voted on this." ""Belownies" sounds like a lunch meat." "We're called the Undergrounders." "I am the wise healer among my peoples." "He is a pipe fitter." "Where are we?" "We call our world Subterranus." "(SOFTLY) Terranus, terranus..." "That one's true." "He just wanted it so badly." "I wore them down." "So, where you kids headed?" "Class trip to the museum." "I helped organize it." "He shall be our leader." "How long have you been down here?" "Since the before times." "Uh, about a month, actually." "We were building an extension on this line but we got lost, so we figured we'd better establish a new civilization." "Wow!" "You established a new civilization in a month?" "You'd be surprised how much you can get done when you're not constantly setting up and moving orange cones." "I shall be the leader!" "Seriously, Scott." "So, you've got agriculture, art, rudimentary government..." "Licorice, somehow." "You're actually going to eat that?" "I'm trying to distract myself from the walls moving in on us." "I wonder what part of the chicken is this?" "The rat part." "Granola bars?" "Oh." "He bears the sweet manna of the overland!" "Oh, no thanks." "I just had some "chicken" and kinda lost my appetite." "(SNIFFING) Diogee?" "What are you doing here?" "Please be rescuing us." "The floppy-eared one shall be our leader." "Weren't you allergic to dogs?" "Right, you know what?" "Yeah, yeah, I actually am." "Wait, Diogee, our leader." "We are not starting our own civilization." "They taste worse than they smell." "Diogee always knows the way home." "Diogee, go home!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "MAN:" "I enjoy running." "(GRUNTS)" "(RUMBLING)" "(BOTH YELLING)" "No!" "Melissa!" "Milo!" "ZACK:" "Are you guys okay?" "Yeah, we're okay, if you call being buried alive okay." "I see light pass this one rock." "Maybe if we can move... (GRUNTS) No, no, it won't budge." "Don't worry." "I've got my backpack right..." "What was that?" "Hmm." "Well, okay, maybe you can worry a little bit." "(GASPS) Oh, dear." "13, 14, 15..." "Oh!" "I could swear we had 18 kids." "Can you read my writing?" "Is that a five or an eight?" "Any minute now, Milo is going to show up and everybody is going to be like," ""Oh, Milo, tell us about your adventure."" "But until then, I'm having my best day ever." "Mort, do you really need more rose quartz?" "If you understood its properties, you wouldn't be asking me that." "Okay, here's the plan." "Someone crawl though and jimmy out that rock from the front." "I don't think any of us can fit." "I can fit, I think." "But, Zack, you're claustro-avoidant." "Are you sure you wanna do this?" "No, I'm sure I don't wanna do it." "But you guys need me." "MAN:" "Good luck, kid." "SCOTT:" "It was nice knowing you." "Hey, that was my flashlight." "MAN:" "Scott..." "SCOTT:" "But he's gonna use up the batteries." "Is there another flashlight in there?" "SCOTT:" "See?" "My backup "backup" got crushed." "I can barely see." "Not much to see, just kind of a tiny enclosed suffocating..." "You know what?" "Never mind." "You can do this." "Think of how you faced down wolves and survived an alien abduction." "And that's just since we've met." "I'm sure you did lots of stuff before that." "Nope, never did anything." "What if this rock is all that's holding this up?" "Don't worry." "I'm sure it'll all work out." "How do you know?" "Because it has so far." "Relatively speaking." "Okay, on three." "One, two, three!" "It's clear!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "See?" "I told you it would hold." "Well, it held long enough." "You totally saved us." "He shall be our leader." "BOTH:" "Yeah, he shall." "Thanks, guys." "I am impressed, kid." "I would've just let them start a new society in there." "Hey, where's Diogee?" "(BARKS)" "ALL:" "Diogee!" "(BARKS)" "You know, we have no idea where these tracks go." "I'm sure it'll all work out." "You're sure?" "He uses that term loosely." "MILO:" "Uh-oh." "I got this." "Ooh." "Or not." "(ALL SCREAMING)" "Oh, we survived." "Uh-oh." "Maybe not." "SCOTT:" "Oh, come on." "Yeah, I guess, maybe if you squint, it could be a five." "(STUDENTS EXCLAIMING)" "Nope, it was an eight." "(CHUCKLES)" "Milo, tell us about your adventure." "And we're back." "What will you guys do now?" "There is no place in your world for us now." "Then you can stay, Scott." "Me, I'm gonna go check my DVR." "I've got a month of the  Doctor Zone Files to catch up on." "Oh, that means you missed it when the trash..." "No spoilers." "(ALL SAYING GOODBYE)" "I shall return to Subterranus." "(SOFTLY) Terranus, terranus..." "And you will be my leader." "Oh, sorry, I'm trapped in a rib cage right now." "Interesting tidbit, stegosaurus ribs are..." "Never mind." "(CACKLING)" "He saw something in me." "Whatever he saw, he also saw it in a dog." "(IMITATING SCOTT) The floppy eared one will be our leader." "(BARKS)" "¶We'realllivin'init" "¶Go,Milo Go,Milo,go" "¶Oh,thanks,everybody Thatisso motivational" "¶Go,Milo Go,Milo,go" "¶Whoa" "¶Whoa" "¶I 'mnotsittinghere watchingtheworldturn" "¶YouknowI'd ratherspin it" "¶It'smy world and we're all livin' in it ¶"