"[Music playing]" "[Phone ringing]" "Shit." "[Phone ringing]" "Hello?" "Wade?" "Yeah, hold on." "Wade, you got a phone call." "WADE:" "OK, I'll be out in a minute." "Who is it?" "Didn't ask." "Hello?" "Oh, hi!" "Hey." "Hey, man, where have you been?" "Anne's gonna be here any minute." "Yeah, I'm sorry." "I was talking to preacher man, Bob." "And I just kinda lost track of time." "So did you get it?" "Yeah, yeah, here it is." "Wow." "Anne is gonna be knocked out when she sees this." "Yeah, the best one my uncle had in the store" "In your price range." "Great." "Here's what I owe you." "Oh, thanks" "So you think she'll say yes?" "I have a feeling she will." "Yeah, you know what preacher man, Bob, says." "Never sign the way of love or the work of God." "Here she comes." "You better go." "Oh, yeah." "Hi, Annie." "Hey, Ken." "Hi, Brian." "I got that movie you wanted." "Cool." "[Music playing]" "(ON TV):" "Wanna eat dinner, Jason?" "I'm real hungry." "I'm real hungry." "You're hungry?" "I'm starved." "Oh god, I'm starved." "I could eat anything right now." "Well here." "Try a piece of this candy." "(SINGING) Gonna have a good time!" "You know it!" "Hey!" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Hey, guess what?" "My sister's coming to town next Saturday." "That's only a week away." "She'll be staying with my mom." "Uh huh." "Wade, remember how earlier we were talking," "And how Annie was coming over this evening," "And we're going to spend some time alone together?" "Oh, hey man, that's cool." "I'll be in my room playing Atari." "You won't even know I'm here." "I swear." "Good." "(ON TV):" "You hungry?" "I just got a little [inaudible]." "(SINGING) Na, na, na!" "How about some wine?" "OK." "(SINGING) Gonna have a good time!" "Hey, hey, hey!" "(ON TV): [inaudible]." "Well that's OK." "[Inaudible]" "Annie." "Yes, Brian?" "I love you." "I love you too, Brian." "(SINGING) It's called survival!" "Oh, hey." "Sorry to bother you guys." "I just remembered I have to do some laundry." "I don't have anything to wear." "I mean nothing." "I have been wearing this same shirt for three days." "Hey, I love this movie." "This movie is great." "It doesn't have any violence in it or anything." "Well it does have some violence in it." "But it's crucial to the plot." "It's just a good movie, you know." "Wade?" "It's OK." "I won't bother you anymore." "I promise." "[Singing] Only the strong will survive, sweet mama!" "I am so sorry." "He promised he would leave us alone." "I don't think he'll bother us anymore." "Do you?" "I really can't stand the way he never pulls his pants up." "I swear to god, I get physically ill looking at that." "He won't bother us." "(ON TV): [inaudible]." "(SINGING) It's called survival!" "Only the strong will survive, sweet mama!" "You know what I'm talking about!" "It's called survival!" "Sorry, I dropped some underwear." "[Singing] Na, na, na." "Gonna have a good time." "Hey, hey, hey." "I should be in the mood again in a few seconds." "I think I will be, too." "I think." "(ON TV):" "OK." "So the master plan would be [inaudible]." "OK." "OK, I'll do it." "Well go do it." "I'll be watching." "OK, Ill go do it." "I'll do it." "[Inaudible]" "(SINGING) Come on in." "Baby, take your clothes off." "Come on in, baby." "Hey, uh, Brian?" "What, Wade?" "You want me to throw any of your laundry in with mine?" "No need for us to do any more loads then we have to." "Gotta protect the ozone layer and all that." "No, Wade." "I can do my own laundry." "Are you sure?" "It's no problem." "No, I'm sure, Wade." "What about you, Annie?" "All righty." "Oh, my back." "I need to get a new chair to play Atari in. (SINGING)" "Na, na, na." "Gonna have a good time." "Uh, Brian, I'm really not in the mood right now." "Oh, Annie, please." "I had this special evening all planed for us." "Well you should have planned for your roommate" "Not to be here." "I tried to get him out." "But he never goes anywhere." "He doesn't have many friends." "I know." "I know." "It's just that I'm really not feeling so good right now." "I think I'm going to be sick to my stomach." "I think I should go home." "I might throw up." "No, Annie, please, no." "You want to go out?" "We can go out and eat at a nice place." "I wanna spend this evening with you." "There's something I wanna ask you." "I don't know." "I think it was the sight of his buttcrack" "That many times in one evening." "I'm feeling really sick." "Annie, please." "I really have something I wanted to ask you." "I'll call you tomorrow." "Can you ask me then?" "I love you, Brian." "I love you, too." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, too." "(ON TV):" "You feeling OK?" "Totally fine." "Never better." "Have fun." "Enjoy." "[Inaudible]" "(SINGING) Only the strong will survive, sweet mama!" "Hey Annie, are you sure you don't want me" "To wash your underwear for ya?" "Hey, where did Annie go?" "She had to go home, Wade." "Oh." "(ON TV):" "Get out of my room!" "What are you doing?" "What have you done!" "OK, master Jason." "I love this part." "Watch this." "(ON TV):" "And people eat these [inaudible] bacteria in it." "So the master plan will be perceived." "[Inaudible]" "[Laughing]" "(SINGING) This is it, this is it." "This is life the one I got." "So just... just eh." "Morning, Brian." "Boy, do I feel great." "There is nothing, and I mean nothing," "Like a beautiful, bright, sunny Sunday morning." "I'm going to go take a shower and enjoy this awesome day." "Really?" "You have plans for today?" "No, not really." "Probably just play Atari all day." "Maybe open up the window." "Enjoy the fresh air." "Ah." "What a great day!" "Yeah." "(SINGING) This is it." "This is it." "Ba ba loo!" "Ba ba loo!" "If you have it!" "[Music playing]" "[Phone ringing]" "Hello?" "Brian." "Hey, Ken, what's up?" "Hey, how'd things go last night?" "She say yes?" "Y'all set a date yet?" "No, things did not go as smoothly as I had hoped." "What?" "She turned you down?" "Nah, it's not that." "I never got the chance to ask her." "Things were going great." "And then guess who happened to ruin it?" "Buttcrack." "Yeah, Wade." "I swear, I am really starting to hate him." "I am counting the days till the semester is over." "And then, he is out of here." "I'm gonna get myself a decent roommate." "Hell, Annie can move in." "So what did he do?" "Wouldn't he shut up?" "Shit." "Him and his damn butt." "Let me ask you something." "Is it so hard for a guy to keep his pants pulled up?" "I mean, the least he could do is wear a belt." "Yeah, well, it could be he doesn't" "Realize he has a problem." "You know, preacher man, Bob, always" "Says he with the problem is usually" "The last to know about it." "Yeah, I suppose I could talk to him." "Tell him he has to do something about that." "Oh, yeah." "That wouldn't hurt." "I would like to have Annie come over once in a while" "Without being grossed out." "I mean, what's the point in having" "A house if you can't have your lady over once in awhile." "I suppose I could visit her at the dorm room." "But how much privacy can we get there?" "Yeah, tell me about it." "So you gonna pop the question tonight?" "If I can get her over here I will." "I want everything to be just right." "Nice wine." "Nice dinner." "Everything, you know?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, I don't know if she'd take another night of buttcrack" "In my way, though." "Listen, don't worry about that." "Invite Annie over." "And I promise, I'll get Wade out of there." "I'll take him to a movie or something." "Really?" "Cool." "Tell buttcrack I'll be over there about 6 o'clock" "To pick him up." "Cool." "All right." "See ya." "Bye." "Bye." "Boy, do I feel all fresh and clean." "Hey, Wade." "I was just talking to Ken on the phone." "He said tonight he's going to take you to a movie." "Ken?" "What movie?" "And why?" "I don't know." "Any movie you want, I guess." "I don't know." "Sounds, kind of, weird to me." "Look, he ain't gay or nothing." "He just wants to go to movie." "You know, male bonding and stuff." "Just go." "Well, OK." "But I get to choose the movie." "Yeah, sure." "Whatever." "(SINGING)There's a rock n roll demon." "And he's coming for your soul." "I'm a rock n roll demon and I'm coming for your soul." "God." "(SINGING) Coming for your soul." "I'm a rock n roll demon." "Hey, Brian." "I just thought of something." "What?" "My sister's coming into town next week." "Do you want anything from her?" "I'm sure I don't, Wade." "Are you sure?" "You know she did me up real good." "I really don't need to know these things, Wade." "No, I'm talking about voodoo, witchcraft, that kind of thing." "She studies it." "You see and she cast this spell on me." "And now I get really good grades in school the time" "And never have to crack a book." "And it's great because it leaves more time for Atari that way." "Could she put a spell on you to make your pants stay up?" "That's all I really need." "No, seriously." "She could cast a spell on Annie that would" "Make her fall in love with you." "And then, she wouldn't be running out on you" "All the time." "Come on, you'd like that." "Wouldn't you?" "I really don't think I need anything like that." "Well it don't cost nothing." "She cast the same spell on our cousin, Vernon." "And now he's married to this girl with really big tits." "I mean, they're freaking huge!" "And all it takes are some tears from a pregnant with pink eye" "And some vanilla extract." "But you can get that anywhere." "Wade, no!" "OK." "All right." "But if you change your mind, just let me know." "I'm going to go play more Atari." "OK." "(SINGING) Na, na, na, gonna have a good time!" "Jesus, Atari." "Get with the times." "What?" "Nothing." "[Atari sounds]" "[Phone ringing]" "Hello?" "Wade?" "Yeah, hold on." "Wade, it's for you." "Who is it?" "I don't know." "Probably your sister." "OK." "Hello?" "Oh, hey, sis." "Oh no, everything's great." "Yeah, that was Brian." "Oh no, we're great friends." "We're just like brothers." "Yeah, I asked him." "No, he said he didn't want it." "Well yeah, I can ask him again." "Yeah, hold on." "Hey, hey, Brian." "No." "Uh, no." "He say's he's OK." "Yeah, so you're still coming up on Saturday?" "Oh, you're driving." "Oh, OK." "Well hey, I guess I'll see you then." "OK, bye." "She says she's driving." "How long do you think something like that would take?" "Where's she coming from?" "Louisiana." "Louisiana to Virginia?" "That'll take a while." "She says she'll be here on Saturday." "I'll probably go spend the weekend at my mom's next week." "Hey Wade, you go ahead and do that." "It won't be the same around here without you." "But you do what you gotta so." "I think you and my sister should meet." "I think you'd really like each other." "I really do." "It's almost 6 o'clock." "Ken will be here soon." "You ready to go?" "I'm ready." "I know exactly what movie I want to see, too." "I still get to pick the movie, don't I?" "I mean, Ken wont give me a hard time" "About it will he because Hackman Four just came out on Friday." "And I really want to see it." "And I was reading about it." "And in the first three, he killed guys with a shovel." "In this one he kills guys with a rake." "And I really want to see it." "I'm sure he won't mind." "[Knocking]" "That's him." "Come in!" "Hey." "Hey." "Hey, Ken, are you ready?" "I want to go see Hackman Four." "Is that OK?" "It just came out on Friday." "Yeah, I been waiting a long time to see that one." "Yeah, me too." "And you know, in this one, he kills" "Guys with a rake, not a shovel." "Oh, really." "Boy are the really developing his character, aren't they?" "Yeah, come on." "Let's go." "I don't want to miss the previews." "All right." "[Music playing]" "He's gone." "Now if Annie would just hurry." "Are we alone?" "I promise you the evening is all ours." "Good." "Sorry about last night." "I didn't mean to run out on you." "It's just that I was feeling really sick." "Last night was last night." "Tonight is tonight." "Would you care for some wine?" "Sure." "So what was this question you wanted to ask me last night?" "All in due time, Annie." "All in due time." "Cheers." "(SINGING) In a shanny shack down by the railroad track." "That's where I met you baby." "You looked so sweet." "Wade, you want to go get a drink" "Or something after the movie?" "Yeah, sure." "Hey, you moving back to Louisiana" "There with your sister?" "I don't know." "It all depends on whether Brian's willing to extend" "My lease or not." "I really like it here." "Well you know, man." "That's the thing." "Brian is, kind of, wanting Annie to move in." "That's OK, too." "I can always find a new place to live." "Hey, I got to ask you question, you know, just as a friend." "I hope you're not offended or anything." "Man, you're not coming on to me or anything, are ya?" "This isn't going to turn weird, is it?" "Oh man, I always knew you were gay." "What?" "Gay?" "I'm not gay." "Jeez, I just wanted to know something." "Are you sure you're not gay?" "I mean, the way you talk and all." "What's wrong with the way I talk?" "I just wanted to know, you know, why don't you wear a belt." "Well what do you mean?" "You know, your pants." "They never stay up." "Your butt's always sticking out." "What do you mean?" "You look at my butt?" "You are gay, aren't you?" "What?" "No!" "Yeah you are." "That's why you're always looking at my butt!" "Man, you shouldn't be looking at my butt." "You should be looking at girls butts." "You're a sicko!" "Maybe if you keep your damn pants up" "I wouldn't be seeing your butt all the time." "You know, you have a problem, Wade." "And as a friend, I just thought you should know about it." "Man, just stop the car." "I'll walk home." "You're a pervo!" "Forget I said anything." "Let's just go see the movie." "No, man." "Stop the car." "Find yourself another boy toy, man." "I'm going home." "Wade." "Wade." "Look, I just can't give you things that you want." "Goodbye!" "Wade!" "Shit." "Sorry, Brian." "You know, I think I know what this" "Question you want to ask me is." "So you may as well go ahead and ask." "I already know what the answers going to be." "I'll ask soon." "After dinner." "After we dance." "Dancing huh?" "Mm hm." "What kind of dancing?" "We'll be standing up." "It'll be the kind I like." "Well we'll start in the vertical position" "But we don't have to stay that way." "Mm, I get goosebumps just thinking about it." "To your bumps." "(SINGING) Honky tonk loving." "Let my love burn you up." "Let my love burn you up." "Gonna set you on fire." "Burn you up with desire." "Hey, boy!" "Pull your pants up you dumb son of a bitch!" "Wow, Brian." "You're a great cook." "That was really fantastic." "This can wait." "I love you, Brian." "I love you too, Annie." "(SINGING) Let my love warm you up." "Let my love warm you up." "Gonna set you on fire." "Burning up with desire." "Le my love warm you up." "Let my love warm you up." "Will you marry me?" "Oh, Brian." "Yes!" "(SINGING) Burning up with desire." "Gonna set you on fire." "Hey, I love this song!" "Can I dance with you guys?" "Churn the milk and make it butter!" "Wade, what are doing?" "You're supposed to be at the movies." "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Damn it, Wade!" "Can't I have any moment without you?" "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Annie, are you OK?" "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Hey, what are you doing?" "I'm dancing here." "I'm in the groove." "And when the music calls, you got to answer." "Ewe, that's vomit!" "Your girlfriend's gross." "Don't worry about it, Annie, OK?" "What'd you do that for?" "I was in the groove." "The music just took me away." "Fuck you, Wade!" "Annie and I were having a great evening." "You're supposed to be out with, Ken!" "That's another thing." "I don't appreciate being pimped out to your pervo friends!" "That guys a flamer, I tell ya!" "And I'm just not that way!" "What?" "Ken?" "He is not!" "Yeah, right." "That's why he went on and on all night about my butt!" "I'm just not comfortable with guys looking at me like that!" "I'd rather have girls like Annie looking at my butt." "Uh!" "What'd you cook." "Jesus, Wade." "Oh, I really have to go." "I'm sorry, Annie." "I planned for this evening to be so special." "It's not your fault!" "Boy, she really vomited good." "Must have gotten sick from Brian's cooking." "He's a nice guy but not much of a cook." "Uh, and all over my nice pants." "I need to take a bath." "Yeah, a bath." "(SINGING) I got a love handle!" "Got a love handle!" "Chicka boom, boom, boom." "Chicka boom, boom, boom." "Got a handle... on my love." "Let me wear you like a glove, oh yeah." "Got a love handle." "Somebody help me." "(SINGING)Got a love handle." "Chicka boom, boom, boom." "Hey, Brian, I took one of your t-shirts cause mine" "Had puke all over it." "Are you happy, Wade?" "Do you like screwing up my life?" "I never screwed up your life." "You screwed up your life." "I ain't do nothing!" "No." "I'm not going to say anything." "The semesters almost over." "And I can have my life back." "Have your life back?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "I'm going to go take a bath." "(SINGING) Put your beer goggles on and make love to me." "Through those hazy shades, I'm not so bad a fella." "My belly ain't so big." "My teeth ain't so yellow." "I can't believe he actually shut up." "[Music playing]" "Damn it!" "I can't take it anymore!" "[Music playing]" "God damn it!" "Would you shut the hell up!" "Ah!" "You pervo!" "What are you doing in here!" "Go get your jollies somewhere else!" "I don't like guys watching me in the tub!" "Hell, I might let a girl watch me in the tub, but not a guy." "[Knocking]" "Huh." "Man, sorry about that." "Hope Wade didn't mess anything up for you." "I did everything I could to stop him." "And he just jumped out of the car." "And tried turning the car around." "It just died." "What's wrong?" "What did Wade do?" "What's that smell?" "I didn't mean for it to happen, I swear." "The radio just fell out of my hand." "Something happen?" "Bathroom." "So, like, what happened?" "It slipped out of my hand." "The radio." "I was trying to get it to shut off." "And it slipped out of my hand." "That's OK You didn't do it on purpose." "Hi, Mrs. Jenkins?" "Ken here." "Yeah, Wade's friend." "Afraid I kind of have some bad news." "I really don't quite know how to put this." "Evidently, Wade was taking a bath." "Yeah, yeah, he's taking a bath and listening to the radio." "What?" "No, I don't know what station he's listening to." "Anyway, the radio kind of fell in the tub." "My boy, oh God, oh God, my baby boy!" "Yeah, I'm terribly sorry." "Yeah." "No, that won't be a problem." "Yeah, I fully understand." "Yeah, the coroners are taking him away right now." "All right." "OK." "Bye-bye." "So I was here in the kitchen." "I was cleaning up some vomit for my fiance who" "Has been ill a little earlier." "And suddenly, I didn't hear the radio anymore." "And I heard a splash and the sound of electricity buzzing." "And I knew right away what had happened." "I always thought Wade had more sense then" "To put an electrical appliance on the edge of a tub." "But I don't know anything about his upbringing." "I ran and unplugged the extension cord immediately." "But when I went into the bathroom, well, he was dead." "Yes, I see." "People should really be more careful." "You know, they should make public service" "Announcements about that." "And during ballgames." "You know, really get the message out there about being careful" "With electricity when you're taking a bath because it" "Could have saved a life." "The life of your friend." "Well, Brian, I think I have all I need." "If I need any more questions, I'll be in touch." "That's, pretty much, what happened." "Yeah, that was Wade's mom on the phone." "She's, kind of, taking it hard." "God, what a day." "Yeah, she was wanting to come up and get some of his stuff" "But really didn't feel up to it right now." "She thought maybe after the funeral." "That's OK." "Isn't it?" "That's fine." "Those cops, they weren't accusing you of anything," "Were they?" "No, no, she believed what I told her." "It wasn't my fault." "It slipped out of my hand." "You believe me, don't you?" "Yeah, of course." "It really was an accident." "Hey, you don't need to explain it to me." "Want me to call Annie for you?" "That's all right." "I'll talk to her tomorrow." "I want to tell her myself." "Yeah." "Knowing Annie, she's probably going" "To want to run out and get a marriage license right away," "And move in after Wade's gone." "That's a safe bet." "Thanks for calling his parents." "I couldn't handle that." "Yeah, it's no problem." "Better they heard from us than the cops." "You know, preacher man, Bob, always" "Says better to hear from a friend" "Then some guy in a uniform." "(SOBBING) My boy, oh God, my baby boy." "Why did you have to take him, oh Lord?" "Why him and not his father?" "Brothers and sisters, our friend," "Our comrade, our brother Wade, he did not have to die!" "Amen." "He did not have to die!" "Brother Wade did not have to die!" "Except, God has a plan for him." "God, in his infinite wisdom and glory said, Wade," "This is your time." "Now is the time, brother Wade." "Brother Wade, get your butt up here to heaven." "I know brother Wade is happy." "Oh Lord, he's happy that his friends, and family," "And comrades, and spiritual arms," "Have gathered here today to send him on to the promise land." "I know you feel good because brother" "Wade's in a better place." "I know you're happy for Brother Wade." "I know you're pleased that he's gone to the kingdom of heaven!" "Can I have an amen?" "Amen." "Let me hear you say amen brothers and sisters!" "Amen." "I can't hear you!" "Say amen!" " Amen." " Loud!" "Loud!" "Loud!" "Loud!" "Say amen, brothers and sisters!" "Amen." "I don't know why God chose to electrocute Wade the way" "He did." "Brother Wade was taking a bath." "He was in a tub washing off the impurities." "The dirt!" "The filth!" "The scum!" "The vermin that each one of us have in our earthly bodies." "He was taking a bath." "And the radio just happened to jump." "Radio jumped!" "It just... the radio jumped into the tub with brother Wade!" "And it electrocuted him." "It shriveled him all up." "I don't know why God chose that path for brother Wade." "I can't understand it." "But God understands." "And Wade us with God." "Brother Wade is with God." "They're up in heaven." "And one day we're going to go to heaven." "We're going to get on that freight train of love." "That freight train of happiness!" "We're going to go to heaven!" "And we're going to see Brother Wade!" "Do you want to see brother Wade in heaven brothers and sisters?" "Let me here you say amen!" "Amen." "Let me here you say it loud!" "Say it proud!" "Amen!" "Say amen brother Wade!" "Amen." "God!" "God bless this ground that contains the shed" "Off body of brother Wade." "Bless this whole area." "Bless this hole that his body will lay into." "When we come to pay our respects to brother Wade," "We will feel his presence here among us." "And we loved him so." "Yes we did, God." "We loved brother Wade so but now he is gone." "You gotta help me God." "Let us all now bow our heads in silent prayer for brother Wade." "Amen." "You guys go back to the car." "I'll be with you in a minute." "I saw what you did." "What?" "He didn't deserve what you did to him." "I have no idea what you're..." "You may be able to fool the police." "But you can't fool me." "I saw you throw the radio in the tub and kill my brother." "It slipped out of my hand." "It slipped out of your hand?" "What were you doing in the bathroom" "When he was taking a bath anyway?" "I... he was" "He was taking a bath." "Look." "I'm sorry." "Wade was never very good at standing up for himself." "But I'm going to see that he does this time." "But I..." "[Chanting] Buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack," "Buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack," "Buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack." "Stop it!" "Isn't that what you called him." "Isn't that what you called Wade?" "Buttcrack?" "Say it 12 times in one breath and then just see what happens." "Look, this witchcraft mambo jumbo voodoo doesn't scare me!" "Just get out of my face with it!" "[Chanting]" "Brian." "Brian." "Yo, Brian." "Huh?" "Hey, man." "Where'd you go?" "Paris?" "What [inaudible]?" "Hey, come on." "Annie's in a hurry to get back." "Some girl thing." "I don't know." "Yeah, let's get the hell out of here." "You know that there were a lot more people there" "Than I thought there would be?" "Really?" "Hey, you want to watch some TV?" "Sure." "I got dibs on the floor next to the window." "Last year, over nine people in the greater Arcola," "Virginia area alone died as result of electrocution" "In their own bathtub." "Don't be a statistic." "Keep your radio and all other electrical appliances" "Away from your tub and any other areas of water." "Remember, bathing is important but nothing to die for." "Didn't take long." "Hey, you mind if I put it on the biker channel?" "I don't care." "Biker channel?" "You're no biker." "Yeah, but they have really good shows." "(ON TV): [inaudible] will return right after these messages." "Used to be that when my old lady got her monthly visitor," "I'd swear she used to drive me crazy." "[Knocking]" "(ON TV): [inaudible] Nagging and shit." "I swear to god, I thought I was going to kill her." "Preacher man Bob, hi." "This is a pleasant surprise." "That was a beautiful sermon you gave earlier." "Some of things you said, they just touched me right here." "Brother Brian, that lifts my spirits to hear that." "Can I come in?" "Oh, sure." "Thanks." "So uh, what brings you by here today preacher man Bob?" "I just come by to make sure that you" "Kids are doing all right." "You know, the loss of a friend is a very trying time." "I want y'all to know brother Wade is gone" "To a far better place then this ratchet" "Earth we find our self on." "I know y'all are in a lot of pain." "I know y'all have a lot of loss in your heart." "I know you wish you could have his round mounds of God loving" "Pounds right here with you!" "But you can't!" "But you will see brother Wade again." "You'll see him again in paradise." "That's where you will see." "I know." "Can I get you something preacher man Bob?" "I have some apple juice." "No, no." "I don't want to impose." "I just came by to make sure y'all are doing all right." "You know, I want to make sure that your souls are at piece." "That you've been able to accept the passing of your friend." "I'm here to offer guidance." "Spiritual counseling." "Do y'all need any?" "Well I could use some guidance." "Brother Ken, I see the pain in your eyes." "I know that it's hurting you." "But preacher man Bob, I am going to help you son." "I'm going to help ya!" "Thank you preacher man Bob." "You know what we ought to do?" "Let's go to the kitchen, get a beer," "And get it on with the Lord!" "Come on, boy!" "You know, I don't mean this bad." "But I'm on a hard time missing Wade." "It's just that it's so nice here without his buttcrack" "Getting in our way." "Yeah, you're right." "I feel, kind of, bad though." "He might've could've been somebody if he just" "Learned to keep his pants up." "You never know." "I don't know." "Once a buttcrack, always a buttcrack," "Their are buttcracks in this world like he was." "People who don't have enough sense to keep their pants" "Pulled up to cover their private parts like their buttcracks." "And then, there are non-buttcracks." "People like us who have enough sense not to show" "Our buttcracks to the world." "I mean, after all, who wants to look" "At another persons buttcrack?" "I know I don't want to look at peoples buttcrack." "I think buttcrack is a state of mind." "You either have enough sense to hide your buttcrack." "Or you're too stupid to realize that everyone" "Can see your buttcrack." "When I think of Wade, all that comes to mind is his buttcrack." "Ooh, I go to remember to breath when I go on like that." "My mom always said I could be long winded." "(SOBBING) Oh, my boy." "My, boy." "That's all right, mama." "We'll just make us another baby boy." "(SOBBING)." "I'm gonna go for a drive." "I need some fresh air." "(SINGING) [inaudible]." "Man, people like that ought to be shot." "Hey, buttcrack!" "Pull your damn pants up!" "Man, what if I was driving here with my mama?" "She don't want to look at that kind of stuff." "That's just disgusting!" "Country folk like me don't like that kind of stuff." "I'm gonna teach that asshole a lesson." "(SINGING) I love my crazy little [inaudible]." "Hey, buttcrack!" "Buttcrack!" "Hey, buttcrack!" "I'm talking to you!" "I'm talking to you, you piece of shit!" "Oh, so that's how its going to be, huh?" "What are trying to do?" "Gross the whole fucking world off?" "Pull your god damn pants up you retarded son of a dick wad!" "Come on, buttcrack!" "Come on, boy." "Oh, yeah." "Come on now!" "Come on now!" "(SINGING) Follow that drinking gourd." "I just had about enough of you, boy!" "Oh, god, the humanity!" "What the... mama!" "Mama!" "Mama!" "Mama, my face is melting!" "Mama!" "(SOBBING) My face is melting!" "It's melting!" "It's melting, mama!" "My face!" "It's melting!" "My face is melting!" "It's melting!" "(SINGING) Drinking gourd." "God is in the flowers!" "God is in the trees!" "God is in Troy Aikman's knee!" "God is in Chevy Nova's!" "God is in the little tiny hairs hanging off your [inaudible]," "Ken!" "God is everywhere, young man!" "Is he in urine?" "God is in Pepsi Cola!" "God is in everything!" "God is in the Trident Sugarless Gum." "God is in... he's in my shoes!" "He's in my pants!" "He's making me do a little tiny dance!" "God's everywhere!" "He's in the sand at the beach!" "He's in the sky He's on the floor!" "He's everywhere!" "He's underground!" "Overground!" "He's over the top, battle royale." "God is your friend!" "You know, Brian, we've got our marriage license, right?" "Yeah." "Well I why don't if you wanted a big fancy ceremony" "Or anything." "But if you just want to keep it simple," "Preacher man Bob is here." "Maybe we can ask him if he'd do it right now." "What do you think?" "Yeah, you know, that's not a bad idea." "Let's do it." "Brian, I'm so excited." "I love you." "Satan is after your soul, young man." "Satan wants to get you I'm a Satan hating preacher!" "I am preacher man Bob!" "And you got to avoid him!" "You got to keep away from his dastardly ways, young man!" "Do you here me?" "Is Satan everywhere too preacher man Bob?" "Oh, he thinks he is!" "Satan thinks he's a bad man!" "He's walking through the forest of life right now going," "I'm bad." "I'm Satan." "Satan is not doo doo." "Satan is not the crap." "He's in chainsaws that are tearing up the rain forest." "Satan in it acid rain." "What?" "What?" "Speak, son." "Is he in urine?" "You got to keep Satan out of your life." "You, brother ken, has got to keep Satan out of your life." "The only way Satan can get in is you ask him in." "Satan will come to your door." "He will knock upon your door." "He said, Ken, can I come in?" "You say, no!" "Satan, stay away from me!" "You say get thee behind me old master of evil." "Ge thee behind me old master of evil." "Do not, do not, do not let Satan into your life!" "Can you hear me brother, Ken?" "Excuse me, um, we're not interrupting anything here," "Are we?" "Oh, no." "You're not interrupting." "I'm just putting brother Ken back" "On the correct spiritual path." "Yeah." "Preacher man Bob, Annie and I were" "Wondering if you'd marry us." "Marry ya?" "Marry you two?" "Why nothing would fill my heart with more joy." "How better to get over the lost of a loved" "One than for two people who love each other so" "To be united in holy matrimony." "Cool." "God." "God, will you sanction this event?" "Will you bless this holy wedding that I am about to perform?" "Amen." "Say it brother, Ken" "Amen!" "Say it loud and say it proud!" "Amen!" "Brian, you take this woman, this woman Annie," "To be your wife, to love her, to cherish her forever, forever," "And ever?" "I do." "And Annie, do you take this man, this man Brian," "To be your man forever, forever, till death do you part?" "I do." "By the power vested in me by the God almighty," "I now pronounce you husband and wife." "Amen." "Well hey, let's celebrate." "Alrighty." "To the happy couple." "Here, here." "Cheers." "Well let's get this party going." "[Music playing]" "(SINGING) [inaudible]." "[Music playing]" "Woo!" "I'm jumping for Jesus, baby!" "Woo!" "Woo!" "Jumping for Jesus!" "Yeah, baby!" "Woo!" "I'm jumping for Jesus!" "Woo!" "Jumping for Jesus!" "Yes!" "Woo!" "Excuse me." "I have to pee." "[Toilet flushing]" "God, you scared me." "Sorry, I have to pee, too." "I love you, Brian." "I love you to, Annie." "What do you say we make this party short" "So we can have our honeymoon?" "Oh, yeah." "Good." "Churn the milk and make it butter." "[Screams]" "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Get thee behind me master of evil." "What?" "Uh, nothing." "What's going on?" "I feel kind of weird like I missed something or something." "Uh, nothing's happening." "You know, just stuff." "Wait a... you feel OK, son?" "Uh, yeah." "I feel kind of weird." "Go ahead and keep dancing there, boy." "It's good for the spirit." "Dance on!" "Come on dance." "Dance on, um." "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Churn the milk and make it butter." "Is it Satan preacher man Bob?" "Is Wade possessed by Satan?" "I don't know." "I don't think so." "What's going on?" "This can't be happening." "Can it?" "Annie, there's a reason for everything." "And I'm going to figure this out." "I promise!" "Wow, I wonder." "Wonder what, Brian?" "Do you know something we don't?" "You know?" "Now is the time to talk, young man." "I didn't take her seriously at the time." "I never believe in that witchcraft stuff." "Didn't take who seriously at what time?" "What are you talking about?" "At the funeral." "Wade's sister." "She told me some mambo jumbo about a curse." "She said if anybody said the word buttcrack in one breath," "Wade would the chance to come back and stand up for himself." "Buttcrack 12 times in one breath?" "Oh, God!" "Me and my stupid big mouth." "What do you mean he'd have a chance to stand up for himself?" "Um." "So he really is possessed by Satan, isn't he?" "No, Ken." "Wade is the victim here." "He's been robbed of his chance for natural afterlife." "There's some kind of dark magic going on here." "Something evil is at work." "Something is wrong." "Wade's not the source of it." "Oh, yeah." "Wade was a true friend to you." "And you're going to help him back to his resting place." "You're going to help him regain his dignity down in the ground." "This darkness that has befallen him," "You must help him overcome." "Well I mean, how do we do that?" "Look at him." "He's alive." "He's not alive!" "That's not alive!" "He's being made a mockery of by his sister!" "Some kind of evil at work here, I say." "Evil, dark magic!" "What we got to do is help him get back into that earth!" "That's what we gotta do, brothers and sister." "You mean hell." "No Ken, not hell." "Wade is the victim here." "He was a faithful member of my church" "For many, many, many years." "He's being deprived of his spiritual rights." "Someone is denying him of what he belongs to be doing." "What we need to do is help return" "To the proper resting place!" "Do you understand?" "Oh, yeah." "OK, I guess we should make doubly sure that he's dead" "And take him back to his grave." "That's right." "Let's go it him!" "Ow!" "What are you doing?" "Huh?" "What did you do that for, Brian?" "He's already dead." "You can't hurt him!" "Whack him good!" "Give it to him!" "Ah!" "My nose" "[Interposing voices]" "Keep going!" "Hit him!" "Hit him!" "I sure hope we did the right thing." "Trust me, Brian." "If it was you, you'd want us to do the same thing." "Aw, man." "You got to kill the evil beast!" "Come on!" "Whack him!" "Whack a doo!" "Whack a doo!" "Get him!" "Let me see." "I think we got him here." "Now what?" "Let's take him back to his resting place." "(SINGING) Got a love handle." "Chika boom boom boom." "Chicka boom boom boom." "Aw, shit." "He's alive again." "Ah!" "[Music playing]" "Well I know I already said everything" "I could possibly say at the first funeral for brother Wade." "But I feel that anytime a young man is to be buried," "Words should be said over his body." "Whoa, hey, hey, hey, now." "Whoa." "Oh, shit." "God, this is not the first time we've" "Laid poor brother Wade to rest." "But I sure hope it's gonna be the last." "Please don't blame brother Wade for the actions" "Of his evil sister." "And please, God, except the wretched soul" "Back into your Heavenly kingdom." "Amen!" "Amen." "I said amen, Ken!" "Amen!" "Give me a loud amen!" "Amen!" "Say it again like you mean it!" "Amen!" "Please God, amen this man and keep him down in the ground." "Thank you." "Amen." "Amen." "There." "Fools." "Uh." "What's going on?" "Don't let them get away with it, Wade." "What do you mean?" "I was, I was, I was going towards this light." "It was this beautiful light." "And I knew that when I got there that..." "I know, I know but he tried to kill you." "He threw the radio in the tub with you." "No." "No!" "Ow!" "If you weren't already dead, that would've killed you." "You've got to get your revenge." "You've got to do something if you" "Want to go back to the light." "What?" "You have to kill him, Wade." "Oh." "If you don't, you're doomed to walk the earth forever." "You'll never get back to the light." "Why did you do this to me?" "Why couldn't you just leave me alone?" "Others will try to kill him, too." "You have got to be the one to kill him, Wade." "Why couldn't you just leave me alone?" "A spell this powerful comes with certain side effects." "Well I've never killed anybody." "Do what you must." "Strangle him." "Electrocute him." "Shoot him." "I don't even have a gun." "What are you going to do?" "I guess I'll get my revenge." "Good." "I'm only doing this because I want to get" "Back to where it's peaceful." "I'm not really mad at Brian or anything." "Wade?" "Huh?" "Pull your pants up." "Well preacher man Bob, thanks for marrying us." "And thanks for your help with Wade." "No problem at all, son." "I'm just glad I can help." "So you're sure Wade won't be back." "I mean, you don't think so." "Little lady, I'm 98% sure you'll be seeing no more Wade." "Well what if he does come back?" "Are there any special prayers we should say?" "You know, the bible doesn't cover zombie resurrections." "I wish it did, but it doesn't." "What you should do." "What you should do is just chop his arms and his legs off." "I mean, just hack him up." "That way, he won't be able to go anywhere if he does come back." "And let me tell you one more thing." "He's already dead." "You can't hurt him." "He's dead." "You can't hurt him." "Just make sure he stays in the ground." "OK." "Should we burn all of his stuff?" "Would that rid the house of all evil?" "Brother Ken, I'm getting sick and tired of explaining to you" "That Wade's not the problem." "He's not evil." "It's his sister." "Holy!" "Oh, yeah." "But shouldn't we burn all of his stuff anyway?" "Brother Ken, me and you are going" "To have to have a special spiritual counseling session." "You come down by the church about 1 o'clock tomorrow." "You hear me, son?" "And we'll have a little talk then." "OK." "So I guess you want to be alone, huh?" "Well, yeah." "I understand." "Mind if I use your bathroom first?" "I got to piss like a racehorse." "No, go right ahead." "You don't think Wade will be back, do you?" "I don't know really." "I don't know how powerful that spell Wade's sister put on him." "She blames me for Wade's death." "You didn't have anything to do with Wade's death." "Everybody knows that." "Even the police know that." "I know." "She just thinks she knows something the rest of you," "The rest of us, don't." "Well I guess that's all behind us now." "We're together." "And no one will ever come between us again the way he" "Did with his buttcrack and all." "Yeah, once Ken leaves, we can get this marriage underway." "Brian, um, there's something I have to do first." "My mom's going to be so excited." "I can't believe I haven't called her yet." "Hello, mom?" "Hi, it's me." "Guess what." "Yeah!" "Guess what else." "Well we, kind of, eloped." "Preacher man Bob was here, and he did the ceremony." "And it was really nice." "I hope you're not mad at me." "Good." "Oh, I will." "OK." "I love you too, mom." "I'll see you at Thanksgiving." "OK?" "Bye, mom." "[Inaudible] baby." "[Screaming]" "So where are you and Annie going on your honeymoon?" "[Inaudible]." "Annie!" "[Music playing]" "Get away, buttcrack boy." "[Screaming]" "Brian, whatever you do, don't look at his buttcrack." "You're out of your mind, butt boy!" "[Screaming]" "Get out of my way [inaudible]!" "Ah!" "Ah!" "Oh, grandma!" "Get the biscuits ready!" "I'm coming!" "Preacher man Bob." "I just came back to get my bible." "I left it in your living." "Nice shooting." "If I can't defend myself, I can't" "Do the Lord's work, young man." "What happened?" "Annie." "Wade's sister is interfering in areas where" "She does not belong at all!" "Annie." "Son, it's time for you to lay down and take that big rest." "Oh, God, except this young man into your heavenly kingdom!" "No, please, no!" "Brian, no!" "You can't be dead!" "Brian, no!" "Wade, brother Wade, Brian's gone." "He's gone." "You can't bring him back." "No!" "I know it's hard to except the loss of a friend." "But Brian is gone, Wade." "Brian, no!" "No!" "Wade, what's happening?" "I was heading towards this light." "Brian, you're not dead!" "Brian?" "Meet your maker, boy!" "[Chanting] So long, Wade." "Lady, you done really made a mess of things." "You done really screwed a lot of people up." "Excuse me?" "When you mess with God, who mess with me, honey bunny!" "[Gunshots]" "And I will not tolerate you messing with me!" "[Music playing]" "Hey, dad." "I found it." "Wade Jenkins, right here." "Wade Jenkins." "Outstanding." "Have you got your picture now, Stan?" "Can we go?" "My feet are hurting." "Hold on." "Wait, I know." "Go stand next to the grave." "Trevor go stand next to your mother." "Oh, Stan." "Honestly, what is this all about?" "It's cool, mom." "This is Wade Jenkins." "You know, the buttcrack guy." "Well why do you need a picture of this guy's grave?" "He's part of the local history." "That's right." "He died in his bathtub." "He got electrocuted." "But what is weird is that after his funeral," "His roommate was found dead, too." "Somebody beat the tar out of him." "And his face was all melted." "Melted." "Couple other people were there, too." "And they were just as dead." "You ever heard of such a thing?" "Well that doesn't sound right." "It was in the paper, mom." "And now it's going to be in my book." "You're not still working on that silly book, are you?" "I absolutely am." "I've got pictures of Nigel the psychopaths grave." "And now I'm getting pictures of this buttcrack guys grave." "I think it'll make a great coffee table book." "Just think about it." "A picture book featuring all the famous and infamous graves" "Of Northern Virginia." "All I got to do is keep my eyes in the paper." "And whenever somebody important dies or anybody at all dies" "With some mystery around them, like this guy," "I'll get a picture of the grave." "I have a vision here, Harriet." "Work with me on it." "It's going to be cool, mom." "Oh, it's going to be more than cool," "Especially when I go into all the rumors about this guy." "All the stuff the papers didn't even talk." "Oh, yeah, definitely." "All that stuff about saying buttcrack 12 times" "In one breath." "Yeah." "12 times in one breath." "Come on." "Well that's what folks are saying." "They all say that he came back to life to get revenge" "Because somebody said the word buttcrack 12" "Times in one breath." "There was a curse on him." "And that's why everybody's face was melted." "He came back to life, they looked at his buttcrack," "And then they died." "His sister died, too, right here in the parking" "Lot of this very cemetery." "The same parking lot where our very own car" "Is parked at this exact moment." "Six bullets." "Six of them all lodged in her brain" "Shot there by an unknown assailant." "Who shot her?" "Why did she die?" "Nobody knows." "To this very day, it's remained a mystery." "Oh, my." "Oh, my indeed." "That's why I wanted a picture of this grave." "Hey, dad." "Why don't you get a picture of the sisters grave, too." "It'd be good for the book, you know," "Especially that she's the one who put the curse on him." "Can't." "Cremated." "Religion demanded it." "Ah." "Well I don't understand why anyone would even say" "That 12 times in one breath." "It's ludicrous to think anyone could actually" "Fit that into a conversation." "It could happen." "Buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack," "Buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack, buttcrack," "Buttcrack, buttcrack." "It's kind of stupid." "But it can be done." "Yeah, well that's just what folks were saying." "I didn't make it up." "[Music playing]" "Where's my puke?" "Brother Wade did not have to die, brothers and sisters." "[Chanting]." "Cut." "[Laughing]" "The loss of a loved one's a very trying time, young lady." "Oh, there's a whole bunch of y'all here." "I didn't even notice." "Buttcrack." "You're a preacher man Bob." "You need help?" "I don't know." "(WHISPERING) I'm sorry." "I saw him fixing that." "We'll have a little talk then." "Door's locked." "It's total mayhem!" "Oh, my god!" "Still rolling, and lets do it again." "And ready, set?" "I'm eating bugs." "I'm afraid I, kind of, have some bad news." "Yeah." "No." "[Bleep]" "God!" "God, I'm speaking to you!" "Could you please sanction this holy wedding" "I'm about to perform?" "Can you help me unite these two people in holy macrimony?" "[Laughing]" "[Music playing]" "[Laughing]"