"I fucked with that girl and now she's punishing me for it." " You made me go mad." " You're making me mad now." " We are Cook and Effy." " We've never met." "I'm not scared." "You're no good for me, Cook." "I need John." "He'll make me better." " You're John Foster." " And you must be Freddie." "Can't let you have her, I'm afraid." "She really does love you, you know." "# Thought it was a nightmare #" "# Lo, it's all so true, #" "# They told me, "Don't go walkin' slow" #" "# "'Cause Devil's on the loose." #" "# Better run through the jungle #" "# Better run through the jungle #" "# Better run through the jungle #" "# Woah, don't look back to see. #" "# Thought I heard a rumblin' #" "# Callin' to my name #" "# Two hundred million guns are loaded #" "# Satan cries, "Take aim!" #" "# Better run through the jungle #" "# Better run through the jungle #" "# Better run through the jungle #" "# Woah, don't look back to see #" "# Over on the mountain #" "# Thunder magic spoke #" "# "Let the people know my wisdom" #" "# "Fill the land with smoke" #" "# Better run through the jungle #" "# Better run through the jungle #" "# Better run through the jungle #" "Three." " # Woah, don't look back to see #" " Four." "Shit." "Come on, get up!" "Five..." "Come on!" "Freds?" "I'm wearing your best tee." "Anything?" "Only in my head." "He's talking in my head." "What's our Fred saying?" "He's saying they're all fucking mad." "Two, three and... go!" "Yup." "Where's Panda gone?" "What's she doing?" "Oh my God!" "You're going the wrong way!" "Go, Panda." "They're all after you." "Bounce to me!" "Ems!" "I'm back!" "No!" "Oh my God." "Oh my God." "Oh, shit." "Hi." "I got eggs." "We can have eggs, yeah?" "And Red Bulls and pain au chocolat and..." "I got the heat." "What?" "She'd been snoring like that all night." "What?" "You were both so fucking trashed." "So I slept in the sofa with Panda." "Right." "She's quite cute." "For a straight girl." "Wow." "In the scud." " When did that happen?" " I didn't notice." "Good thing." "You might have got you know..." "Tempted..." "I was wrecked." "Yeah." "You were both pissing corn." "Like I said, cute." "Is this bad?" "You all need your breakfast?" "I can fry you, poach you, scramble you." "Do you any way you like." "But shower though, cause, Ems..." "You smell of something and it ain't roses." "Couldn't you have just brought me some grapes or something?" "Grapes are for chipmunks." "This is so better." "I wrote you a song, I just can't get the hang of..." "Tit and piss, the instructions were in Japanese!" "Oh, fuck me up the arse three ways!" " Come on, you nonky cunt!" " Language!" "Great, innit?" "I've been practising." "Oh, I've got it!" "Scrapey, scrapey for you, shakey, shakey for you." "What for?" "Life." "Can't stand still, can we?" "So this is gonna cheer you up." "# Some days are disasters #" "# That you wish could just end #" "# Other days are bastards #" "# Just like a bad boyfriend #" "# But it makes me feel much worse than this #" "# To see a face masked with a frown #" "# I'm not telling you to smile, but don't be down #" "# Don't be down, my friend #" "# Don't do your wrist any harm #" "# You don't belong on a funny farm #" "# And I'd rather see you in a party dress than in a hospital gown #" "# I'm not telling you to smile, but don't be down #" "Do, do, do, do, do, do." " Do, do, do, do, do, do." " Did you write that?" "Oh, fuck me!" "Seems nice." "Met her at Dojo's." "Hit it off." "You know." "Like a whirlwind romance." "Yeah, well, we got chatting." "Did you?" "No." "Well..." "least you're moving on." "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm well over Eff." "Finito." "It's like..." "liberating, yeah." " Good." " Moving on." "I'm looking forward to meeting..." "Phew, fucking hell!" "I'm never having the mezze platter again." "I opened the window a bit, you know." "Naomi, Arcia." " Pardon?" " Arcia." "Sorry, I didn't quite..." "Arcia." "Arcia?" "!" "Arcia, all right?" "Yeah, it's fine." "Arcia, Arcia." "It's pretty..." " Arcia." " Cheers." "Listen, lover," "I think I lost my pissing thong in the bus station." "Er, did you?" "You know I fucking did, stud man!" "He's a little criminal." "That is what they say." "Yeah." "I'm not going!" "I'm fine here!" "Leave me alone!" "Sometimes it's hard to move on." "How are you, Elizabeth?" "Better." "Sure?" "No." "Your mother wants you to go home." "She says she can look after you there." " Is that good?" " Good?" "You know better than that, Elizabeth." "We have to forget about good and bad." "My boyfriend ran away." "That was bad." "How can we know?" "If only we knew how things will turn out." "Yeah." "I came to tell you that I'm leaving my job here." "You?" "You're leaving?" "Don't be upset." "I think..." "Maybe it's time." "Do I say thank you?" "We don't know yet." "But I think..." "Yes, you could be something I'm proud of." "I'll never forget you." "No." "You won't." "Goodbye, Elizabeth." "Goodbye." "Effy, Effy..." "Freds?" "I thought you didn't sleep with her any more." "Yeah, well, people keep moving in." "Isn't what you told me, that's all." "Mandy, we haven't done anything." "So, I don't why..." "I mean, we didn't do anything last night." "Did we?" "You wanted to." "If you hadn't been totally fucking AWOL..." "No." "I didn't." "Yeah?" "Otherwise, what have we been doing?" "What have you been doing?" "She thinks I'm straight!" "What?" "How do you even..." "Said it when she was looking at my tits, didn't she?" "Bit fucked up, that." "I don't want to be fucked around, Emily." "Just cos she won't take you to Goa." "Don't." "I'd take you." "We'd go dancing." "Sleep in a hut." "I'd make love to you on the beach." "Isn't that what you want?" "Ems!" "Mandy!" "Breakfast!" "Oh, yeah." "There's someone here you've got to meet." "You're Freddie's sister." "Yeah." "Thomas, right?" "I thought maybe he's hiding in here." "Why would he hide from you?" "I don't know." "But something's not right." "So I want to..." "I don't fit here." "I don't think it matters." "I don't fit anywhere." "But I like all the wrong things." " Like?" " You know." "Gossip Girl, Davina, Dick Van Dyke," "Lady And The Tramp, Hannah Montana," "Monster Trucks, Dancing On Ice, mojitos, Rio Ferdinand, Marsala Zone, Pop Tarts," "Jude Law's accent in Cold Mountain, hair straighteners, Love Actually," "Kylie, Whitney, Britney, Robbie, Brucie, L'Oreal, Wild At Heart, milk," "Comic Relief, ponies, Posh, Becks, pecs," "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and heavy petting." "Oh, I fucking love that!" "Anyway, Freddie doesn't mind what I like." "If they knew where he was, they'd tell me, right?" "Let's ask." "I like to run." "I run like a dog." "Cute." "So what are you doing here?" "Oh, Katie has a plan." "I'm supposed to teach her French for her interview." "You know, Panda notices that we are a little too friendly." "She's jealous, and she wants me back because she can't stand to see me giving Katie French." "It's a good plan, yes?" "Go for it." " Panda?" " Yo." "You're looking happy." "Am I?" "That's weird." "I'm suicidal, obviously." "Because your boyfriend smashed your heart into 1,000 pieces seven months ago?" "Yup." "He did that." "Tragic, ain't it?" "Bummer." "Thomas is coming round to Naomi's later to give me French lessons for my interview." "That's kind of him, isn't it?" "Yeah, kind." "Hmm, you like a bit of cheese cake, innit?" "Well, this is... nice, isn't it?" "Yeah, it's nice." "I think it's nice." "I'm doing cocktails." "Who wants a Ball Breaker?" " Um..." " I've got rum, creme de menthe, ouzo and... rum." " I'm fine." " No, I'm all right, thanks." "Oh, come on!" "What's wrong with everyone?" "!" "It's nearly half eleven." "I'll have one." "I love that creme de menth-ay stuff." "Makes you piss green, innit?" "There you go." "Come on, you pussies." "Ball Breakers." "They're cool." "If Effy's having one, you can all fucking..." "What did you call her?" "Um..." "I might have made a slight..." "Her name's Arcia, for fuck sakes!" "Why's everybody weirding her?" "Yeah." "Your friends are weirdal, Cook." "They don't half fucking stare, do 'ey?" "Oh, man!" "Um, I just remembered, you gotta go." "What?" "Something's come up." "I've gotta, um..." "But we was gonna get piercings." "Yeah, yeah, and we will soon." " Soon..." " What the fuck?" "!" "You said you was gonna be right up my alley, wasn't it?" "Yeah..." "Yeah, bye." "Screw you!" "Did I do that?" "Yeah, you kinda." "I'll go." "Cook..." "I'm losing it, man." "Cook, come and talk to me." "I never clocked that she looked like Eff, I swear." "Chrissakes, stop being a tit." "Freddie." "Something's up." "Look, Karen, I've asked around." "There is no sign of Freds." "He's legged it, that's all there is." "You owe him, Cook." "When you ran off last year, who came looking for you?" "That's only cos I took his girl with me..." "You stupid bastard!" " What is wrong with you all?" " Fuck." "You find him." "You fucking find my brother." "Karen, I'm sorry." " I miss him too." " No, you don't." "Nobody loves him like I do." "Not even that crazy bitch, Effy." "He's all I've got." "God knows he's all you've got." "Read that and tell me there is nothing wrong." "I'll give you a blowjob every day for a year if that's all you care about." "You've got me wrong, Karen." "Show me." "So do I, Freds." "So do I." "Come on." "Where's everybody going?" " Hey." " Hey." "I'm going." "The atmosphere's not great in there." "Naom's caning the spliff again." "Yeah, and the rest." "Well, let's go get some of that baby food." "Hi, Tommo." "Panda." "Katie, are you ready for some French?" "Yes, thanks, Thomas, I'd love some." "You remember I said..." "Yeah, I remember." "I'm pretty cool, huh?" "Do you think she cares?" "Oh, she cares." "What's going on in there?" "Je ne sais rien, putain." "(Fuck, I don't know anything)" " Huh?" " It's time for our lesson, Katie." "Where's everybody gone?" "Hey, hey, hey, hey." " What is it?" " It's Mandy." "Yeah, yeah." "You can dance." "Come on." "I gotta get going." "No." "No." "Everyone's so fucking pissy." "Come on." "Emsy's got the gob on and I wanna party." "That's all we have to do." "OK." "Why not?" "There you go." "You hear that?" "Why not." "Let's have a bit more volume." "Better!" "You dance pretty good... for a straight girl." "Yeah." "We..." "We had problems." "Me and Emsy." "Cos..." "Cos I was..." "I was bad, and..." "That right, Ems?" "See?" "I'm forgiven." "It's just been heaven these last months." "Fucking heaven." "I'm only saying..." "I'm only saying because..." "Naomi..." "Eh?" "If you don't want her..." "I do." "Combien de fois allons-nous baiser?" "Combien de fois nous allons baiser?" "It's future conditional." "Hang on, let me try again." "Combien de fois..." "nous allons baiser?" "Awful." "You're actually terrible." "I know." "I'm terrible." "Let me try again." "Combien de fois nous... allons... baiser." "Not even close!" "Watch my lips, listen to how I say it." "Combien de fois allons-nous baiser." "Alright, I think I've got it." "Combien de fois nous allons baiser?" "No, you're not listening." "One more time." "Combien de fois allons-nous baiser." "Try this one..." "OK..." "Tes mamelons se leveront pour moi." " What the fuck's "mamelons"?" " These." "You cheeky bastard." "Honestly!" "I'm sorry!" "I'm so sorry." "No, no, no." "Oh, my God, I'm sorry." "No, it wasn't..." "I thought we were..." "No, that's not right." "I'm such a dozy bitch!" "I didn't realise." "What?" "Don't make me say it, Tommo." "You are beautiful, Katie, in so many ways." "But I can't stop loving her." "Sorry." "Oh, fuck!" "I love you." "Don't lie." "My mum's coming back next week." "Maybe you should go." "Cook!" "What?" "Freds?" "Hey, Fredster." "Look where we ended up." "All back at Naomi Campbell's." "Naomi..." "Naomi!" "Bit loud." "Bit loud!" "Fuck!" "What?" "Cook!" "Cook!" "What the fuck?" "!" "What's happening?" " Gotta go, Cookie, the fuzz." " I'm on it." "Open the door!" "Police!" "Always looking good in lingerie, Panda." "This is the police, open the door!" "This is the police, open the door." "James Cook?" "Open the door." "This is your last chance." "Right, OK, step back." "James Cook!" "Police, stay where you are!" "You, stay there." "Where's James Cook?" "Where is he?" "Come on." "Yeah..." "You train pretty hard." "Yeah." "I run fast... like a dog." "Perry, I'm still fucking watching you, you know!" "17, 18, come on." "Shape." "Shape." "Move!" "You just ran 400 metres in 48.2 seconds." "So?" "That would put you in the European Junior Championships, that's all." "I'm not from Europe." "I'm from Congo." "So what you doing here, then?" "Nothing." "I work." "I run." "So?" "No college?" "Why not?" "And I mind my own business." "Sure you do." "You could be in university, a shit-load of universities." "You know, there are scholarships for boys like you." "Boys like me?" "Yes." "Boys that run fast." "Problem?" "I can do many things." "I don't have to run for Whitey to get what I want." "No?" "OK." "Perry, if you do not put that fag out of your mouth," "I am going to ram it up your arse." "Neither do I." "You... can call me." "And fix your head." "We gotta take our chances, young blood." "Otherwise, what else we got?" "Right, Perry, get down!" "Squat thrusts!" "Two, three." "You are going to puke your guts, or I'm going to rip your balls out and sell them to Nando's!" "Come on!" "You fuck everything up again?" "Yeah." "It's his birthday today." "Yeah." "Do you think he'd mind?" "Freds probably got scared." "I'm pretty scary." "Yep." "But I can't not know... if he couldn't bear it." "I can handle it." "I think I can handle it." "We'll go and find him." "All right?" "My powers of deductive reasoning are unparalleled." "They're actually hunting you with dogs." "Impressive." "Anyway, we weren't sure if the coast was clear." "What do you mean, "we"?" "Yeah, and it's a bit chilly hiding out there in the garden." "The sea eagles are roosting." "Hello, Eff." "I've been trying to tell you something." "Spit it out, Panda-pops." "I'm going away." "Really?" "Fine." "Where?" "Harvard." "On a history scholarship." "I might have done some exams without telling anyone." "Hello, Mum." "Yeah." "Looking forward to seeing you, too." "Oh, no." "Nothing much." "Just... the usual stuff." "Yeah, I accepted a place at Goldsmiths, but..." "I know how proud you are of me, Mum." "I love you, too." "It's all over." "I thought..." "What the fuck are you doing?" "We're having a party." "Freds'd like it." "Don't you think?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I guess he would." "So here!" "I guess it's round here." " Hi, Thomas." " Hey!" "I've never been here before, to Freddie's shed." "Yeah." "Same here." "First time for everything, yeah?" "Yeah." "Right." "Let's get this party started." "What the fuck kind of lame-o rave is this?" "!" "I dressed up." "Yeah." "Well, pardon me for farting, dinky tits." "You took long enough getting here." "We're playing Ace of Truth." "And I can tell you we've learned a few things tonight." " Haven't we, Karen?" " You said it had to be shocking." " Yeah." " Please don't say it." "I'm still feeling queasy." "Who's going to start?" "I will." "I've loved you from the first time I saw you." "I think I was 12." "It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you, and I was so scared of the way I felt, you know, loving a girl, that I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch" "just to make it feel normal." "I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn't work." "When we got together, it scared the shit out of me, because... you were the one person who could ruin my life." "I pushed you away and made you think things were your fault, but really I was just terrified of pain." "I screwed that girl Sophia to kind of spite you for having a hold on me and I'm a total fucking coward, because..." "I got these... these tickets to Goa for us three months ago but I..." "I couldn't stand..." "I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you." "Can you understand?" "You were trying to punish me back, and it's horrible." "It's so horrible because..." "Really, I'd die for you." "I love you." "I love you so much it's killing me." "Freds?" "Who's that?" "I'm going away, Panda." "Yes." "Even though I have no exams, I have a chance to study." "They have a scholarship for athletes." "A friend is going to help me." "Right." "I was going to tell..." "It's a long way away." "The USA." "It's called Harvard." "I think I have a chance there." "I can make a new start." "And you know..." "I run like a dog." "That sounds cool, Tommo." "Wacker." "What?" "Get out." "What have you done?" "Don't be stupid, Cook." "She told me all about you too." "There was much to correct in that girl." "I almost managed it." "Perhaps I still can." "You..." "You did something to my friend." "This is wasting time." "Would you kneel down, please?" "Mr Foster..." "Dr Foster, actually." "Kneel down, please." "I don't think you know what I am, mate." "I think I do." "You're nothing." "You don't deserve that girl." "And, you know..." "I do." "I'm a fucking waste of space." "I'm just a stupid kid." "I got no sense." "Criminal." "I'm no fucking use, man." "I am nothing." "So please..." "Please..." "Get it into your..." "you know..." "Into your bonks." "That you killed my friend." "I'm Cook." "I'm Cook!" "Thanks to Honeybunny [Addic7ed] for filling missing text!"