"(Drum beat)" "(Ominous music)" "(Leaves ruffling)" "(Laughs)" "Why are you interrupting my practice?" "Oh, you're the notorious blood ninjas, are you?" "Huh?" "C'mon!" "Prepare to fight." "(Laughs)" "I don't think I can fight you right now," "Because of this, and this." "We know you're drunk," "But what's the needle for?" "Needle to prick." "(Laughs)" "Why do you have it?" "(Laughs)" "This needle is real good." "It'll make you laugh." "Want to try?" "(Laughs)" "We're coming here to fight you." "Do I have to fight?" "Do I have a choice?" "You can kill yourself." "What?" "Kill myself?" "Impossible." "Then fight." "(Grunting and groaning)" "(Laughs)" "You can't force me to fight." "I'm an acupuncturist." "I'm not a fighter." "I'm peaceful." "(Grunting and hitting)" "(Lively music)" "(Hysterical laughter)" "[Man] Old Master," "Say goodbye to your drunken fist game." "[Old Master] Why don't you leave me alone?" "Go away and stop disturbing me." "[Man] You're a rat in a trap." "You'd better come out and fight." "[Old Master] I said leave me alone." "[Man] Then you'll burn to death." "Now, get him!" "(Yelling)" "[Man] He's getting away." "After him." "What do we do?" "Here's the bottle." "Way to find him." "Go." "Brother, just take care of yourself," "And don't worry about me." "(Gentle music)" "We have killed the Drunken Master, as you ordered." "You've done a good job." "Now that there's nobody left," "They try to destroy the blood ninja clan." "At last, we gotten rid of the old bastard." "Him and his drunken fist fighters" "Were always trying to take over our business." "We stayed up all night," "Just to kill him for you." "Now you can make the blood ninjas" "The best in martial arts," "Since you've been relieved of all opposition." "I must ask." "Do you have any proof of his death?" "Huh?" "Yes." "I brought you his bottle." "Here." "I thought I told you to bring me his head." "I couldn't do that, sir." "He was completely burnt." "I don't believe a word of it." "You're lying, and you fools have let him escape." "(Bottle shatters)" "(Groans)" "Once you have deceived me, your death will come." "Oh Madam, please tell me what I can do for you." "I've been so sad since my dear husband died." "Please help to make me laugh again." "(Sobbing)" "Well, how long would you like to laugh for?" "What is the price for one hour?" "For one hour, it'll cost you exactly one dollar." "And for all day long it'll cost you five dollars." "(Sobbing) Yes." "(Stringed instrument music)" "(Laughing)" "Thank you, Doctor." "I feel wonderful." "(Laughing)" "(Laughs)" "Hey!" "Everybody, do you believe?" "Don't be sad." "Don't you know?" "I just happen to have here in my possession" "A little secret that will keep you all from being sad." "All that you have to do is give it a try," "And all your worries will vanish." "I know you people well," "And it's obvious to me that you all want to be happy." "Smile, and your wishes will all come true." "[Man] Out of my way." "[Man] You don't believe me?" "Just try." "May I help you, sir?" "You say, you have the power" "To make people smile." "That's right." "With this?" "Do you want a go?" "Well, what will you do if you can't make me laugh?" "What then?" "But I will." "I know." "How much is it?" "Have no fear." "All day long." "Just five dollars." "Now let me see." "What are you doing?" "Disinfecting it." "My hair cleans it." "Now you be sure." "I want to really laugh." "(Laughs)" "(Laughs)" "Hey look." "That guy really made him laugh." "Look at me." "I can't stop laughing." "(Laughs)" "I told you so." "Now payment, please." "Don't you know who I am?" "(Laughs)" "I'm not paying you." "Gotcha." "I'm getting weak from so much laughing." "Hey, can't you make him stop that?" "He told me he really wanted to laugh." "I'm just giving him what he asked for." "Can't he stop?" "(Groaning and grunting)" "There is even a slight chance," "That you may have to laugh yourself to death." "(Laughs) I'm gonna kill you." "(Groaning and grunting)" "In fact, I have heard of some people" "Who split their stomachs open from laughing too much." "Dirty bastard." "What a swindle." "(Grunting and groaning)" "(Laughs)" "(Screams)" "[Man] Hey, come back here." "Come back." "(Ominous music)" "(Smacking)" "(Yelling)" "(Mumbling)" "Did you ask to see me?" "(Laughs)" "I'm so glad you couldn't make it." "[Man] These are my faithful men." "[Man] Oh, they look worthy." "(Ominous music)" "I understand." "(Lively music)" "I lost my balance." "[Man] (laughs)" "Now you see how useless you are." "How dare you insult me" "When I'm the best fighter in this game?" "[Man] (laughs)" "Who are you?" "Have you come here to fight, or to learn from me?" "We have all come here" "Looking for the man called Drunken Master." "You are obviously an imposter." "Imposter?" "Goddamnit." "You'd better be careful with what you say about me." "You imposter." "You've never even met him," "So how can you be so sure that I am not him?" "You're lying." "(Grunting and groaning)" "Where is the real master?" "I have something I want to say to him." "You bastard." "How dare you sneak on in here," "And then accuse me of lying." "(Laughs) Weakling." "C'mon." "You're the one who's running away." "You say I'm weak, but you're the one who's running away" "Like a scared woman." "You're the weakling." "Huh?" "(Yelling)" "(Laughing)" "I'm good." "I'm good." "(Dramatic music)" "Do you know this man?" "No, I don't." "Who is it?" "Drunken kid?" "Where is the drunken master and his sister?" "I don't know." "Well, then maybe you know" "About the drunken kid?" "I don't know." "[Man] You don't tell us, we will kill you," "And it'll be a slow death, old man." "You bastard." "I know you are..." "Do you think you can just walk in here and take over?" "[Man] Watch what you're saying, old man." "(Smacking)" "(Grunting and groaning)" "(Screaming)" "(Ominous music)" "Teacher!" "Teacher, what happened." "Teacher, tell me what happened." "The blood ninjas." "What?" "The blood ninjas did it?" "They're looking for you and Me-Rang." "You're in danger." "Danger?" "Drunken Kid, now my life is over." "I wish..." "I wish I could have taught you more about it." "Teacher!" "Find Me-Rang." "Find her." "Run away." "Teacher." "[Man] (groans) Let go." "Find her." "(Laughing)" "[Man] This way is the fairest." "[Man] Right." "Don't cheat now." "Why should I?" "C'mon." "One, two, three," "And then take your hand off." "All right." " [Man] One, two, three." " [Man] One, two, three." "The sword never lies." "Oh dear." "It looks like I get her this time." "What?" "You see, the sword never lies." "Who do you think you are anyway?" "You just can't walk in and take her like this." "Take her?" "I'll take whatever I want to take." "(Groaning)" "Oh, you're a very beautiful girl, aren't you?" "(Groaning)" "What's wrong?" "What are you wearing this for?" "You look stupid there, all tied up." "Let's get this off." "Is that better?" "Yeah." "Listen, I've helped you," "So you must pay me, right?" "(Slapping and groaning)" "[Man] That's right." "You got 'em." "Way to go." "What a show." "You really got 'em." "Huh?" "That's right." "Get 'em out of here." "Go on." "That's it." "(Laughs)" "Thank you." "Thank you." "Thanks." "Thank you." "I knew you were a kind man," "From the very moment I set eyes on you." "(Laughs)" "I want money." "I wonder how much you have on you." "(Laughs) Money?" "I have no money." "What?" "I'm just a poor old man." "I don't have any money." "Life's been very difficult for me lately." "That girl was given to me." "You see what I mean?" "You want money?" "Sorry." "You stinking beggar." "Huh?" "Don't call me that." "Have pity on me." "I have no pity on you old man," "So just take your girl." "Let me go." "(Groans)" "Thank you, sir." "Hey, what are you doing?" "Wait a moment." "She's mine." "You just can't take her." "Thanks, old man." "Come back with her." "She's mine." "Come back." "[Woman] What are you doing?" "I haven't done anything wrong." "I'm not a bad woman." "Please let me go." "(Sobbing)" "Please." "Please let me go." "(Sobbing)" "You just sit there." "Take it." "There." "Please don't hurt me anymore." "I'll do anything you say." "Please don't hit me." "(Sobbing)" "Please." "Please." "(Happy music)" "Aren't I the best lover you've ever had?" "Yes." "The best, and also the last one." "What?" "Last one?" "Yes, because you saved me life." "So what about it?" "Darling, tell me." "How do you make your living?" "Me?" "I'm a cop." "I catch robbers," "And try to rid the earth of all the bad elements." "(Giggles) It sounds so exciting." "How did you get to be with that old man?" "When I was small my parents died," "And I went to live with my aunt and uncle." "When they moved to a bigger town" "They knew money would be tight there," "So they gave me to him." "Aren't you still just a child?" "No." "How old are you?" "18." "Relatives?" "Not anymore." "Alone?" "I guess so." "You guess so." "Yes." "I think you're nice." "Wandering around, you don't meet very many" "Nice people like you." "All my life I've been unfortunate." "But now I think maybe" "My luck is changing a bit." "Don't you think so too?" "I hope it is." "I really do." "I'm your girl," "And now I'll be happy." "(Sighs)" "Together, we can make this thing work." "You agree?" "Don't you think I'm pretty?" "Where are you?" "Darling!" "(Thunder)" "(Ominous music)" "(Gasps)" "What the hell are you?" "Aren't you a little bit late for Halloween?" "(Loud hitting)" "What?" "A ghost with a wig?" "You'll find out." "Full of surprises." "(Yelling)" "I've got a nice present for you." "It's especially designed for phoney ghosts." "(Laughs)" "Now behave yourself while I'm gone." "[Man] I can't stop laughing." "Would you please help me stop?" "(Laughs)" "Oh please." "(Ominous music)" "Anyone here?" "Someone else is coming here now." "I can't stop laughing." "(Laughs)" "(Laughs)" "You must be an escaped lunatic." "(Laughs) Aren't you afraid of me?" "(Laughs hysterically)" "I'm a scary ghost." "(Smacking)" "(Laughs)" "You've got a pretty powerful punch." "(Laughs)" "You should be more gentle." "Have you ever seen this guy?" "Yes. (Laughs)" "He stuck it in me." "You met him?" "(Laughs)" "Me-Rang." "(Happy music)" "Darling!" "Are you all right?" "I've been worried." "My darling." "About teacher." "I think it was the cutter." "He attacked us, and tried to kill us," "But then they all escaped through the fire." "Za-car and his men." "I'll make sure that I kill them all." "No, you can't!" "I can't just let them get away." "You can't beat them alone." "There are too many." "My brother is gone now." "There is no one to protect us." "You can't go away." "It's just something I have to do." "I'll get them all!" "(Ominous music)" "Aren't you, Drunken Kid?" "That's right." "Drunken Master." "Where is he now?" "No idea." "Then I'll have to take you with me as a hostage." "What?" "But why?" "My boss is Sa-car-ah." "He wants the old man to be in his care" "For just a little while." "Damn you." "I'm afraid you'll have to come too." "We're trying to get rid of your whole Drunken Fist gang." "(Sword swiping)" "(Groaning)" "(Laughs)" "Now I think your life too" "Must come to a bitter end." "(Dramatic music)" "What's the matter with you?" "You're not from Drunken Fist?" "I have my own reasons for wanting this man." "Dead or alive." "Well, now it appears that we both want him." "I guess we'll have to have a fight," "And that will decide who gets him." "(Laughs) You mean, he will be the prize?" "That's exactly what I mean." "Now then, let's get this done." "Hey, I'll be done in a minute." "You just wait there." "(Ominous music)" "(Grunting and groaning)" "(Hitting)" "Where did he go?" "Hey!" "Where are you going?" "Our contest isn't over yet." "You can't just run away like that." "C'mon." "Let's go." "Hurry." "Over there." "(Suspenseful music)" "I'm sorry, but I just can't seem to beat them." "I guess I'm not strong enough." "I'm just so glad that you're still all right." "Why don't you listen?" "Give yourself some time to improve your fighting." "Then I know you will get them." "I don't think so." "They're much stronger than I am." "I'll have to practice very hard." "I just know that you can do it." "I have faith in you." "(Happy music)" "Here, have a seat." "We want..." "Of course, sir." "Wine and beef for the table here." "Oh, welcome." "(Laughs) Welcome." "Here, have a seat." "Would you like anything to drink, sir?" "Just tea." "Of course." "Tea." "One more bottle of wine." "Yes, sir." "Of course." "(Groaning)" "[Man] Come in, please." "There." "Please take a seat." "This way, please." "(Liquid pouring)" "(Crying)" "My love!" "Go away." "Don't pretend that you don't know me." "I miss you so much." "I've been searching all over the country for you," "And now that you're here..." "I'm so glad that I've found you." "Promise me you won't leave me." "I'll look after you." "Anyway, I could give you anything that you like." "What?" "What do you mean by that?" "I mean that I've got some money." "You don't need to worry about cash," "So we can stay together." "Sorry to disturb you." "This time there's nowhere to go." "Do you want to fight?" "And if I should say yes?" "There's three to one." "Just give me my girl," "And I will forget about that." "But it's too late." "I cannot leave him." "I'm his." "What?" "You're his?" "Ah, listen men!" "Sir." "Let the best man win the girl." "(Smacking)" "Damnit." "I am the best man." "You're supposed to hit him." "Lady, it's all over." "They've gone." "Gone away." "(Laughs) You did that really well, darling." "Ah." "Welcome." "Please come in." "Here." "Take a seat." "(Laughs)" "Please take a seat." "There." "What would you like to order?" "My teeth aren't very good." "Maybe a couple of soups would do nicely." "Sir, would you like some wine?" "Wine?" "Yes." "I'm not sure that we can afford it." "You cannot afford wine?" "How about something else?" "I know." "How about tea?" "A nice cup of tea." "That's what you need." "That's it." "Tea." "I don't think so." "Should we have some?" "Yes." "Tea is very good for your health, dear." "All right, some tea." "All right, sir, I'll get you some." "(Laughs)" "Hey, one more bottle of wine." "Right away." "(ominous music)" "Darling, after that long walk," "You must be so tired." "I worry about you." "I'm all right, but are you sure you are not tired?" "It was a long way." "Would you like me to massage you?" "It's all right, dear." "I'm feeling much better just to hear your concern about me." "Are you sure?" "That's so sweet." "They love each other so very much." "Love each other's money." "There." "Enjoy your meal." "Delicious." "It really is good," "And the only thing that would make it better" "Is some wine." "Hey." "(Dramatic music)" "My good friend." "Would you care for a cup of wine?" "Thank you young man." "Would you care to join your husband?" "It's all right." "Thank you." "Go on." "Thank you very much, but please." "You two go ahead." "You must have both been on the road" "For a very long time." "You're quite right." "We have come a very long, long way." "Is that right?" "Tell me, my friend." "Have you ever seen him before now?" "(Laughs) What a handsome man he is." "Really good looking." "Wouldn't mind him as my son-in-law." "I don't think you would." "This man's got a price on his head." "If I could get him," "I wouldn't need to worry about money." "Well, young man." "It occurs to me you are a bounty hunter." "You kill for a price?" "Well, almost." "Why would you kill him?" "What has he ever done that's so wrong?" "Well, he made the governor laugh." "Tell me." "How is that such a bad thing?" "He is really an unqualified acupuncturist." "He deceived the governor into believing" "He could revitalize him with his acupuncture." "However..." "(Laughs)" "Why, after acupuncture," "Do I have to keep laughing all the time?" "Listen, find that acupuncturist," "And you arrest him." "(Laughs)" "Sir." "Go away." "What's this then?" "[Voiceover] You will have to laugh forever," "Because you've exploited your people." "The filthy little bastard!" "(Laughs)" "You put out the word." "I'll pay a huge reward for anyone who can catch him." "I promised to capture him," "And I intend to do just that." "Sir." "My wife looks rather tired," "Can you organize a room for her?" "Yes." "Go with the gentleman." "This way, madam." "Well my friend," "To your good health." "That's it, madam." "It's not very far." "Once I start, I find it very difficult to stop drinking." "I start feeling warm all over." "How wonderful." "I feel refreshed all over." "I feel young again. (Laughs)" "Old man, you seem in remarkable condition." "My friend..." "I am." "You won't see muscles like these" "On a man who's even half my age." "(Laughing)" "All right, he is there." "(Dramatic music)" "(Drum beating)" "These gentleman from Japan are not here to sight see." "They are here to stop the trouble." "These men are famous all over the world" "As very dangerous and highly trained sword fighters." "Would you like to know how good they are?" "Ask them." "Go ahead." "They're your troubleshooters." "I really don't care." "You don't look very dangerous." "Huh?" "You mean, you're saying you're not afraid" "Of these famous men?" "Right?" "Listen now!" "You see these men." "I want you to clear them out of here." "I got to play court like rats in a trap." "(Yelling)" "(Sword swiping)" "(Screaming)" "Ah, what a good show." "Wine?" "(Laughs)" "Just a minute." "Thank you for waiting, sir." "I've got to get out." "[Man] Come back here!" "Well then." "What do you think of your famous men now?" "Well, sir." "I guess they were all fakes after all." "Couldn't we just forget about this thing?" "What do you say?" "(Laughs nervously)" "Why don't you just get out of here," "Like a good little boy?" "Wait a moment." "There is something I'd like to do." "Get up." "I have something to make them feel better." "Darling, you were wonderful," "But in the beginning, I thought you would die." "Only because they're so famous." "I'm not a fighter," "But they're worse than I was," "Even when I was young." "(Laughing)" "How do you love the treatment?" "Not bad, eh?" "I'm very impressed, my friend." "You phoney old man!" "(Groaning)" "You can't run away and just leave me behind." "You just can't." "C'mon." "You've gotta run faster." "Can't we stop now?" "I can't go any further." "You know, we really can't stay very long." "(Ominous music)" "Who's there?" "(Laughing)" "Old lady and old man." "We've missed you." "Where have you been hiding?" "(Grunting and groaning)" "(Hitting)" "Now I'm not gonna let you out of my sight." "What do you think about that then?" "You bastard." "You goddamn bastard." "My back is breaking." "I think it's time for you to get off." "Okay." "Put me down." "How about there?" "You're pretty heavy for such a young girl." "(Giggling)" "Hot rain?" "It's you." "So good to see you again." "I think we'll just sit down and watch you." "Why don't you try to run away again, my friend?" "(Chuckles)" "(Whimpering)" "(Ominous music)" "(Laughs)" "Now that I've got you down there," "You won't be able to run away again," "And please," "Try not to hurt yourself down there." "The governor likes to get his criminals" "In good shape," "And I always try to do my best to please him." "Come here." "I'm in a hurry." "I want you to do something for me." "[Woman] Yes." "What is it you want?" "I want you to hold this for me." "What if he tries to run away?" "Knock it off and just hold it, will you?" "I'm gonna wash my hands." "Oh, there's no bathroom around here." "C'mon, don't be so stupid." "Just hold on tight to that," "And keep an eye on him." "Hi there." "You are very beautiful," "And I'll bet you're nice as well." "You know, a lot of people" "Have said that I'm pretty." "And you are a pretty girl!" "Tell me something." "Do you love that guy that you're with?" "I'm not quite sure if I love him or not," "But I know that he's been very kind." "Hey, can you let me go?" "Would you do me that favor?" "I heard that!" "Don't listen to anything he says!" "Don't talk to me." "Lady, beautiful lady." "Tell me, have you ever seen a naked man's body before?" "Don't look now." "You might get excited." "Are you covered?" "Can I look now?" "Darling." "Look." "[Man] Terrific." "Pretty strong." "Ladies!" "Gentleman!" "Is there anyone among you out there" "Who thinks he can beat this man?" "My friend and I will give you 100 dollars" "To any one person who can knock him down." "C'mon." "Try to knock this great fighter down." "Are there any brave, strong men out there?" "C'mon." "Give it a go." "C'mon, there must be at least one young man" "In this audience who thinks he can" "Knock down my prized fighter." "Come and give it a go." "Such a brave young man." "C'mon." "(Grunting)" "(Groaning)" "Come back here." "You coward." "Come back." "Hey, don't go in there." "Let me by." "Don't be dumb." "Though there's a village inhabited" "For people who have leprosy." "I wouldn't advise going in there if I was you." "(Exhales loudly)" "(Groans)" "Who are you?" "You come out if you know what's good for you." "Who is it that wake a man from his dream?" "What do you think you are?" "Are you a ghost?" "I'm not a ghost, I'm a human being." "You don't look like a human to me," "All wrapped up in leaves and scaring people." "How dare you do a thing like that?" "You disturb me." "Bastard." "That'll teach you not to disturb" "Old men in their sleep." "I see that you're an expert at fighting." "Please be my teacher." "Please be my teacher." "Your teacher?" "Yes, my teacher." "First answer me this." "Why are you dressed that way?" "There is a good explanation for that." "My clothes were stolen," "And then I had to escape from them." "What makes you so sure it's safe here?" "This is a leper's village," "And I've had leprosy for over 70 years." "Over 70 years?" "Right, and now that you're here you'll die." "So give me your liver." "My liver?" "It's the only thing that's a cure." "If you're not going to give it to me" "Than get out of here." "(Laughs)" "I see that you're not only an expert in fighting," "You're also an expert in telling lies" "To the unsuspecting people" "Who don't know any better." "Leprosy?" "You're not a leper." "Don't try to fool me with that story." "Hey, you say I'm not a leper." "Yeah." "Look at your thick eyebrows." "My eyebrows?" "And your fingers." "You don't have leprosy," "But I'm sure you have a reason for lying." "Why are you hiding here, in a forest?" "Sorry." "Just teach me how to fight as well as you do." "I promise you," "I'll do my best to practice hard." "Teach me." "I think you're an insolent and arrogant young man." "(Dramatic music)" "Everything around you" "Is a combination of positive and negative forces." "When the negatively charged air" "Hits the positively charged air" "Is causes thunder and lightening." "I developed my unique space fist" "Based on this theory," "And you must always believe that this theory" "Can save your life." "Drunken Kid is the only man for me." "(Groans)" "Pig headed..." "Bitches like you are no good." "You will come to me in time." "Now you just stay there, and lay in the dirt." "[Woman] Drunken Kid!" "Help me!" "[Voiceover] Once you believe in yourself," "You can accomplish anything." "Have confidence and always follow justice." "You can save Me-Rang if you just believe in yourself." "(Drum beat)" "(Yelling)" "Me-Rang!" "Me-Rang!" "Drunken Kid!" "(Groans)" "Me-Rang." "Me-Rang." "(Sad music)" "Me-Rang." "Hold it." "Looks like you're a little late in saving her." "Now you must accept the fact that she's dead." "Kill him." "(Grunting and groaning)" "(Sword swiping)" "(Groans)" "(Hitting)" "(Screaming)" "(Groaning)" "(Ominous music)" "Let's take a break." "I'm tired now." "What kind of man are you?" "Why are you doing this?" "Didn't I tell you that I want you in good shape?" "You better stay out of business that's not yours." "Why don't you go away and bother someone else?" "Must I remind you," "That your business is my business?" "So don't tell me what to do." "You talk a lot, but now let's see" "If you're willing to fight for what you say." "C'mon and fight, you bastard." "That's just fine with me." "You think you're so very good." "Now let's see if you are." "Cop." "Now I recognize you." "You're a murderer." "Who goes around killing innocent people without a reason." "Once, you were higher than me," "But no longer." "(Laughs)" "It's been a long time," "And now you're a cop who catches criminals." "I'm still higher than you, and don't you ever forget it." "Well then, are you now ready to begin?" "Yes, I'm ready for you." "I hope you don't regret it" "When your bones are broken apart." "Broken?" "(Laughs)" "You couldn't break a piece of straw." "(Screaming)" "(Loud screaming)" "(Screaming)" "Where's he gone?" "Come out, you lying coward." "(Laughs) Here." "I'm back." "You wanna continue?" "(Grunting and groaning)" "(Slapping)" "(Ominous music)" "(Happy music)" "(Grunting)" "(Groaning)"