"North-west of Scotland, on the broad expanse of the Atlantic, lie the lovely islands of the Outer Hebrides, small scattered patches of sand and rock rising out of the ocean." "To the west there is nothing, except America." "The inhabitants scrape a frugal living from the sea, and the sand and the low lying hills of coarse grass and peat bog." "A happy people, with few and simple pleasures." "The little island of Todday is a completely isolated community a hundred miles from the mainland." "A hundred miles from the nearest cinema or dancehall." "Oh, but the islanders know how to enjoy themselves." "They have all that they need." "Slàinte mhòr." "But in 1943 disaster overwhelmed this little island." "Not famine nor pestilence, nor Hitler's bombs or the hordes of an invading army." "But something far, far, worse!" "There is no whisky!" "Whisky, uisge beatha." "In Gaelic they call it "the water of life"." "And, to a true islander, life without it is not worth living." "From that day every man went into mourning." "Mourning for a departed spirit." "He went terrible quick at the end." "What was I to do?" "With every bottle in the bar chock full of nothing..." "Do you think Winston Churchill will be knowing that the government has run out of whisky?" "I don't believe he will." "It is a pity he will not be saying something about it on the wireless." "Aye." "It's a terrible war, right enough." "Do you remember the Sabbath, the day the war started?" "Nobody on the island could mind such a storm of rain." "It was a sign." "A sign of what was coming to us." "Water." "Just nothing but water." "Aye, we'll have to do without it." "Ah, well, I must be going." " Good night, Joseph." " Good night." "Good night." "Good night, Mr Macroon." "I could have done with a dram myself this evening." "I've had a terrible shock." " What was that?" " You'd better be asking George here." "What have you been doing to Joseph?" "I asked Catriona to marry me." "What did she say?" "She said yes." "Have you got the mails ready?" "Yes, Father." "Stick lips and cigarettes." "Your mother would have more sense in her." "Oh, you'll not have to worry about me much longer." "Or Peggy either, I'm thinking." "Beast." "You're not married yet." " Are you not going down to the pier?" " Why would I?" "I thought this was the day your sergeant is arriving." "My sergeant?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "There it is!" "Tightest little island in the world." "You will be finding a few changes, Sergeant." "You've been away from us for some time." " Two years, three months." " Well, well." "Is it as long as that?" "In Africa, eh?" " That's right." "Africa." "Now, that is a place I have never been." "Ah, well." "They will be glad to see you back." " Do you think so?" " Aye." "The Home Guard amusements are not the same without you." "Oh, them." "I hear they've been getting a bit stale lately." "Aah, that's Captain Waggett's nonsense." "Surely it's up to you, Constable?" "You know, the long arm of the law." "You must insist on Captain MacKechnie taking those boxes of ammunition back to the mainland." "Doesn't he know there's a war on?" "He says it is a board of trade regulation." "Dolly!" "Well, what time's this other boat, this cargo boat expected?" "I do not think it will be expected at all, Mr Waggett." "What is it, dear?" "I've got to go down to the pier." "Is anything the matter, Paul?" "You look worried." "Captain MacKechnie refuses to take the ammunition back with the mails on board." "And he always has the mails onboard, hasn't he, dear?" "Exactly." "I was not really expecting anything." "I just came down in case there was a chance." "I will be getting back to my boat, Joseph." "You will be waiting for the mails." "Aye." "Just a lot of letters for nothing." "All right?" "Well, how's yourself, Mr Macroon?" "None too well, Sergeant, none too well." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." "Nothing wrong with the family I hope?" " Peggy and Catriona, I mean." " And what would be wrong with them?" "They're fine, just fine." "Both of them smoking away like two chimneys." "That's good." "One of them thinks she's going to marry herself." " Peggy?" " I believe it will be." "What are you saying, Joseph?" "It's Catriona that is going to marry George Campbell." "Aye, Maybe it is." "Aye." "Well, that's great news!" "Something like that is." "Haven't I had to telling you a dozen times, Mr Waggett, that I cannot accept explosives on this ship!" "Captain MacKechnie, it is my duty to see that I am in a state of full defence." "How can I defend myself if my cartridges do not fit my rifles?" "It would be a bit awkward, right enough." "Awkward?" "It's more than awkward!" "This kind of thing lead to the fall of France." "A rule is a rule and a regulation is a regulation." "The ammunition arrived on the Island Queen!" "Yes, yes, but Captain MacKechnie did not know then that they was explosives." "If I had known I would have never have brought them." "Don't you understand I cannot get any. 300 ammunition from ordinance until this. 303 gets back?" "I had a wire from Obaig this morning." " Yes?" "Oh!" "Sergeant, yes, welcome back." " Can I be of any help, sir?" "No!" "Would it be all the same if you sent back the. 300 rifles and kept the. 303 ammunition?" "Then you could ask them to send the. 300 rifles" " so that we could use..." " It would not be the same thing at all!" "I'd rather have rifle and no ammunition than ammunition and no rifles." " I beg your pardon, sir." " What?" "If I might make a suggestion, sir, we could leave the stuff up at Mr Macroon's shop." " Then you could take it up with Headquarters." " Yes." "Not without a guard." "Now, finish off your compositions, children." "Don't make too much noise." "Is there anything the matter, Mother?" "To think that I should be hearing from others that my own son is going to be married." "George Campbell, is this true?" "Well, I only knew myself yesterday evening that Catriona was..." "You mean to stand there and tell me that you'd not been thinking of that girl until yesterday evening?" "Oh, I'd been thinking about her, yes." "Then why was I kept in the dark about your thoughts?" "Well, I..." "By the time I got back, you'd gone to bed." "The bed I have made for myself and on which I must lie." "This comes of spoiling my only child." " Spoiling me?" " Spare the rod." " You never did." " And spoil the child." "Now, look, mother, what would have been the use of upsetting you and..." "So you knew that it would upset me!" "You knew it!" "But you went on all the same thinking only of yourself!" "You've always thought only of yourself." "How many times as a child have I caught you in the blackcurrants?" "When you knew perfectly well that I wanted all the blackcurrants for my own jam." "Mother, if I bring Catriona to tea, will you be nice to her?" "The day you bring Catriona Macroon into this house" "I walk out!" "I'll go and live with your Aunt Agnes in Glasgow." " Oh, but you hate Glasgow." " Never mind if I do." "The Lord chastiseth them that he loveth." "And who am I to set myself up against the Lord?" ""There are more people in Snorvig." ""But they are not so nice as the people in Garryboo." ""Because they are so stuck up." ""The Island Queen is a beautiful boat" ""but there was no whisky this week." ""And when there is no whisky, we are all very sad."" "Now, come on, come on, get a move on there!" "It's not good enough, you know?" "Every time they move that roadblock it's longer than the last." "How do you account for that?" "Well, I wouldn't say they are doing too badly, sir." " It's pretty heaving going, you know." " All right, Sergeant, we'll see it again." "Try it once again men." "Move!" " It's very discouraging." " Yes, sir." "Just one point that did strike me, sir." " What's that?" " Well, sir." "If this is the only road round the island, all that Jerry would need to do in theory would be to turn around and come in the other way." "Yes." "I was wondering when you were going to think of that." "You should have pointed that out to me before, Mr Campbell!" "Well, it's easy enough to put it right, sir." "I mean to say, if you have them at all" "I'd suggest you brought a couple more roadblocks, that's all, sir." " Mmm." "Put that in hand." " Yes, sir." "They've been getting appallingly slack lately." "When there was a chance of invasion they were keen enough." "Now the immediate danger of invasion has gone, their keenness has gone, too." "Well, it's understandable in a way, sir." "They are so unsporting." "They don't do things for the sake of doing them like the English." "We play the game for the sake of the game." "Other nations play the game for the sake of winning it." "I tried to introduce football onto the island." "With the greatest of difficulty I managed to get hold of a football and presented it to the school." "Of course I, I was the referee." "I had to give a foul against the Garryboo team." "Well, it was more than a foul, it was a deliberate assault." " And what do you think happened?" " I don't know, sir." "Young William McClaren, the captain of the team, deliberately dribbled the ball to the touchline and kicked it into the sea!" "What on earth's all this nonsense?" "It is a roadblock, Doctor." "Well, open it up and let me through!" "Och, we cannae do that, Doctor." "Waggett says you're a German tank." "Look here, Waggett, what are you playing at?" "Playing?" "I'm not playing at anything." "Then what's all this?" "It's a Home Guard exercise." "I should have thought that was obvious." "Well, I've been up all night delivering Mrs MacKinnon of twins and I want to get home." "So I'll be obliged if you'll move this junk and let me through." " Twins?" " Yes, two girls it was." " Och, the poor soul." "Two girls?" " Aye." "What a calamity." "And Jim safe away at sea." "Dr Maclaren?" "I am responsible for the defence of this island." "I think a man of your position should back me up, instead of taking an obstructive attitude." "My obstructive attitude?" "Did I build this idiotic roadblock?" "It is..." "Open the roadblock, Sergeant." "Right, men." "Once again." "Move." "Oh, come on, get a move on then." "Soldiers." "It's a pity you cannot be staying longer." "Do you think it's a pity?" "Oh, we all think it's a pity." "Bit of luck getting sent here again." "I was getting pretty desperate." "I didn't think I was going to see you until after the war perhaps." "Proper turn out for the book, eh?" "I don't understand a word you're saying." "It's a pity you haven't the Gaelic." "Well, it's plain enough what I'm saying in any language." "Will you marry me, Peggy?" "What a thing to be asking anybody, Sergeant Odd." "Couldn't you make it Fred?" "People would be thinking me terribly ignorant to be calling you Fred." "You're so old." "I'm only 16 years older than what you are." "Seventeen." "So you've got it all worked out like a sum, eh?" "I suppose I ought to feel pleased it was worth your while." "How many girls have you asked to marry you?" "I've never asked any girl to marry me." "Matter of fact, I made a very particular point of not asking them." "Just made love to them." "And which you can't say I've done to you." "Will you marry me, Peggy?" "Oh, it is a foolishness!" " Anybody else?" " Anybody else where?" "Anybody else wants to marry you?" "If you want to be cheeky you must be cheeky in the Gaelic." "If I was to say it in Gaelic you'd give me an answer?" "Perhaps I would, but you cannot be saying it, can you?" "Learning the Gaelic just to take the eyes out of me!" "It would be a shame to be so deceitful." "Well, what about it?" "If I'm not good enough to come to tea at your house, then I'm not good enough to marry you." "I'll not be taking you from your mothers apron." "She doesn't know you're weaned." "Well, you see, it was a bit of a shock to her." "You see, she'd feel the same about any girl." "Any girl!" "If I'm just any girl to you, George Campbell," " you'll be any man to me." " But look, let me explain." "Yes, explain." "Write it up on the blackboard!" "Your mother may treat you like a baby but she'll not be treating me like one." "You hear that, Doctor?" "Aye." "It'll be a ship out in The Minch." "I was hearing it as I came up the road." "And how are you feeling today, Hector?" "Oh, I'm not feeling like anything at all." "Just bones, that's all." " I brought you some tobacco." " Thank you, Doctor." "But my pipe is gone." "Fell to pieces on me." "And not a pipe to be bought." "And John McLeod says he doesn't know when he'll be having another." "I don't believe the world has been in such a terrible mess since the Flood!" "We can't have you giving up smoking as well as everything else." "Here's a pipe of mine." "I couldn't be robbing you of your own pipe, Doctor." "You're too kind altogether." "Doctor's orders." "I have another one." "Ah, well, it's yourself that is the doctor." "Right enough." "I only wish I could have brought you a dram to go with it." "Aye." "I would have liked fine to have just one more really good dram before I join the old woman." "Éist, man." "You've many years to live yet." "I know better, Doctor." "But I mean no disrespect to you by that." "I'm looking at life just as I'm looking at my croft just now." "And seeing the fog coming creeping in from the sea and covering it up and turning it into just nothing at all." "Och, it might clear, there is no telling." "Not before midnight I'm thinking." "Aye." "It is the Sabbath tomorrow." "You'll be here till Monday." "Hark!" "Isn't that the bell on the Skerrydoo?" "I don't hear any bell." "We must look out we don't get too near the islands." "I'm not gonna put my ship on the Skerrydoo!" "I tell you we're nowhere near any island!" "And I was sitting on broken glass for a week." "My father..." "Shh!" "Listen!" "She's stopped." "It is queer, right enough." " Is that you, Joseph?" " Aye." "Aye." "I've just been through to the coastguard hut." "They say they caught a glimpse of her a few hours ago when the fog lifted." "What size of a ship was she?" "4,000 ton." "I have a mind to go out to her." "It's not so thick now." "She will be needing a pilot." " Will I come with you, Biffer?" " Aye, come on." "Isn't that asking for trouble?" "Och!" "The Biffer knows every rock in Todday by its name." "And it will be a big feather in his cap if he can put them on their course again." "Aye, and a big feather in his pocket, too!" "Ahoy!" "Ahoy!" "Ahoy, there!" "What island is this?" " The island of Todday." " Where's that?" "Och, they're ignorant right enough." "What is your ship?" "SS Cabinet Minister." "She's a total wreck!" "Can you take us into harbour?" "I'll show you the way!" "What was your cargo?" "Fifty thousand cases of whisky." "Fifty thousand cases of..." "They've all come ashore, the whole crew." " They want to get to the mainland tonight." " Tonight?" "They can't be sailing tonight." "But, Captain, we can't go out while they're still here." "Can't you see that, Captain?" "Aye, but there's still some fog outside." "Donald, we have known each other many years." " Aye, we have that." " Will you not take them away?" "If you fail us now you'll not have a friend in the whole of Todday." " The ship might sink." " With all that whisky!" "Tell them to go aboard." "I will sail in half an hour." "Ah, good man, Donald." "Good man!" "12:00 already." "She may have gone down by now!" "Aye." "12:00!" "Aye." "What of it?" "It's the morning of the Sabbath." "The Sabbath!" "The Sabbath!" "Aye." "It's the Sabbath." "It's the Sabbath." "The Sabbath." "What's the matter?" "Hmm?" "It is the Sabbath." "We could not be breaking the Sabbath." "Well, stone the crows!" "Fifty thousand cases of whisky." "Ah, well, we had better be getting to church." " Extraordinary, my dear." "Quite extraordinary." " Is it, dear?" "It appears the crew has deserted the ship." "The coastguard says the salvage people won't touch her." "Why, dear?" "Too risky, if you please." "Meanwhile, she's lying out there unguarded." "Should it be guarded, dear?" "She has a very valuable cargo onboard." "Several thousand cases of whisky." "Anything might happen." "You can't trust these people." "It's Sunday, Paul." "No one in Todday would break the Sabbath." "I know, darling, but the Sabbath ends at midnight." "No, darling, there's only one thing for it." "The Home Guard must accept the responsibility." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Joseph Macroon's girls are impossible." " Paul." " Darling, I'm trying to telephone." "If the salvage people won't touch it, would it be so terrible if the people here did get a few bottles?" "I mean, if it's all going down to the bottom of the sea..." "That's a very dangerous line of argument, darling, very." "Once you let people take the law into their own hands it's... it's anarchy." " Anarchy!" " Yes, Paul." " Anarchy!" " Who is that?" "Oh, oh, there you are." "Is that you, Mrs Campbell?" "May I speak to George?" "Oh!" "It's you, Mr Waggett." "No, you cannot speak to George." "The telephone was not given to man for him to mock the Sabbath with it." "But, Mother, it might have been something important." "Then it can keep till the morning." "I do not approve of the use of that instrument on this day." "Oh, but, Mother, we must move with the times." "Satan has made you very glib, my son." "What times will there be to move with in eternity?" "Now you're being ridiculous." "Don't you ridiculous me!" " Now, look, Mother." " Go to your room, George Campbell." "There'll be no church for you in Snorvig today!" "Well, that was a terrible long sermon the minister gave us." "Aye." "And all about the Flood." "I was nearly walking out in the middle to see if she was still afloat." "Well, Joseph, the Sabbath's a long, long day, right enough." "Aye." "Yes, Mr Waggett?" "Captain Waggett, if you don't mind." "I want to speak to your son George." "George is in his bedroom." "Oh." "Not ill I hope." "He's locked in his bedroom with his Bible and some bread and cheese." "And he'll not be let out till tomorrow morning." "I never heard anything so preposterous!" "Have you never heard of the fourth commandment?" " Of course I have." " Remember the..." "You need not repeat it." "I learned the commandment years ago." "More shame to you then, that you should lead my son away from righteousness!" "Mrs Campbell, at this very moment, our troops are fighting in North Africa." "The Germans don't stop fighting on Sunday so how can we?" "What the Germans do, Mr Waggett, is on their own conscience, and Todday is not in North Africa." "So there's no need to bring the heathens into it." "I've been told there are cannibals in Africa but no one is going to persuade my son to eat human flesh." "No one's asking your son to eat human flesh!" "Not yet." "I insist on speaking to George himself." "You can go down on your bended knees and I'll not let you speak to George." "I shall certainly not do that." "Ha!" "They don't seem to realise at Headquarters what I'm up against here." "No, dear." "What would my colonel say if you knew that my second in command had been locked in his bedroom by his mother?" "Hi Sergeant." "Oh, what with all the excitement, Mr Macroon," "I haven't had the chance of having a word with you yet." "No, no." "It's about Peggy and me." " We want to get married." " Oh, well..." "Aye." "Well..." "Oh, I'm hoping you are going to say yes." "So we can fix a date." "Marriage is a serious step." "We'd better be talking about it in the morning." "Of course I know it's a bit sudden." "After me only being here a couple of days." "It's getting late, Sergeant." "And it's a big subject to be talking about tonight." "Now who can that be?" "Oh, good evening, I'm sorry to break in on you like this." "Oh, not at all, Mr Waggett, not at all." "Come in." "You're welcome." " Good evening, Sergeant." " Good evening, sir." "I wish I could offer you a dram, but I've nothing but lemonade." "Oh, it's very kind of you." "It was you that I've really come to see." " Lemonade?" " Yes, thank you." "It's a bit of an emergency and I'd like to put you in the picture." " So perhaps we could have a few words." " Certainly, sir." "Thank you." " You won't be taking lemonade, Sergeant?" " No, thank you." "No, well..." "Well, slàinte, you know." "Aye, you've got the Gaelic fine." "Well, if you've got business together, I'll be going." "It's about this wreck." "It's a very heavy responsibility for me." "For you, sir?" "I don't see how it affects the Home Guard, sir." "I mean to say, well, a wreck's right outside our beat, sir." "The cargo might be tampered with." "I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was, sir." "Which, don't forget, is robbing the revenue." "Well, I suppose it is if you put it that way, sir." "All the same, sir." "I don't think the Colonel is going to thank you for starting in to protect the revenue." "I feel it's my duty to stop looting." "Well, I don't believe, sir, that the Home Guard nor anybody else can stop them." "You mean I can't trust my men." "I wouldn't trust a brigade of guards to look after that ship, sir." "Not even if the old Duke of Wellington was in command of them." "Exactly!" "So it's up to you and me." "You and me, sir?" "I had hoped Mr Campbell would have been able to help us, but he's not available." "I intend to mount a guard on that wreck." "You will take the midnight watch." "I shall relieve you at 0400 hours." "Very good, sir." " Those are my orders." " Sir." " Good night, Mr Macroon." " Good night, Mr Waggett." "Well, that's torn it." "Did you ever hear tell of a reitach, Sergeant?" "A what?" "It's an old custom we have in the Highlands." "When the man wants to marry himself he must ask the girl's father for her at the reitach." "Oh." "It's a great setout." "Everybody comes." " You mean me and Peggy ought to have one?" " Oh, aye, aye." "And you'll always have a 7-gallon jar of whisky." "Now look here Mr Macroon." "This is blackmail." "You can't have a wedding without a reitach." "And you can't have a reitach without the whisky." "But if you do catch anyone taking the whisky, what will you do to them?" "Catch any of them?" "Oh, I don't think anything will happen." "Once they know there's a guard, they won't try anything." " You know what to do." " Aye." "Have you not got it wound up yet, son?" " Are the boats ready?" " Aye." "We'll take them round to Seal Bay and wait behind the headland." "What about the Sergeant?" "Oh, the Biffer will give us a signal from the cliff top when the coast is clear." "Come on!" "Oh, I don't like it at all, at all." "The Sergeant's as nice a fellow as anyone could meet." "Aye, he's a real gentleman." "Do you remember the way he was telling us how to creep up behind your enemy?" "Aye." "The panther crawl!" "But he's no enemy of ours." "Any man who stands between us and the whisky is an enemy." " Angus, you will take him round the feet." " I'll do that." "You take him round the neck, Biffer, while I pin his arms." "Ach, the poor soul." "Are you ready?" "I might hurt him round the neck, I'll take his arms." "Oh, no, you'll be letting go of his arms out of sympathy for the man." "Now, the panther crawl." "Come on!" "What's all this?" "Oh, Sergeant, you gave us a surprise!" "We meant to come up behind you." "It was us that was going to surprise you." "We were never going to hurt you, we was just going to put you out of the way." "Coming up behind me, eh?" "Lovely lot of commandos you'd make." "As much noise as a couple of tanks!" "We were doing the panther crawl the way you showed us, Sergeant." "Not like that, I didn't." "On your toes!" "Move on your toes." "Light and quiet." "Come on, try it again." "Ach, no, Sergeant, we really didn't want to anyway." "You are too rough, Sergeant." "Well, if you do it properly I can't hurt you, can I?" "Come on, try it again." "Go on, take a firm grip." "Tighter!" "See, you've got me helpless." " Here, wait a minute." "Let's get George." " We can't wait, there's no time." " Oh, the ship will be going down!" " I'll not be a minute!" "George, are you coming?" " Where are you going?" " To the wreck." " Oh, I can't." " Why not?" "Why don't you come down by the stairs?" "Come on, men." "Get these hatches off." "She'll be going down in a minute!" "Come on, George!" "Don't be late." "Hurry!" "Oh, well." "Scots wha hae." "Scots wha hae what, dear?" "Well it's er, it's what they say here, darling." "You know like er, like um, long may your something reek." "Come on!" "Oh, quick!" "Yes, yes, hurry up there!" "Come on, Biffer, get going." "George!" "Biffer!" "Biffer!" "I can't wait!" "Hurry, she's going down!" "Biffer!" "Biffer!" "George!" "Aye, aye." "It is safe enough here." "We would just be drawing attention to ourselves if we carried it all over the island." "Let each man take what he needs." "We'll come back for more when we want it." "Captain Waggett!" "Is that you?" "Sergeant Odd, what are you doing here?" "I've been tied up like this for the last four hours, sir." "This is monstrous." "Who did it?" "Well, to tell you the truth, I haven't got a clue, sir." "Just after midnight it was." "They came up behind me and next thing I knew was..." " Well, here I am." " I'll find out who did it." "What number would you be wanting, please?" "Oh, it's you, Mr Waggett." "Are you keeping well, Mr Waggett?" "Yes, Mr Waggett." "Top what?" "Top priority?" "Ooh, I don't think there's anybody of that name on the island." "Oh, I see, Mr Waggett." "Obaig 6-6-6." "Colonel Linsey-Woolsey." "Oh, he'll be in bed surely." "I'll put you through just the same." " The ship was still afloat at midnight." " Yes, sir." " Which means they got to the whisky?" " They might have, sir." "Oh, there's no doubt about it." "Colonel Linsey-Woolsey?" "This is Captain Waggett, officer commanding Todday Home Guard." "I have a very serious report to make to you, sir." "Which I think..." "Serious?" "Do you know the time?" "I'm sorry, sir." "Of course I realise it's very early." "But I thought you would wish me to inform at once that the steamship Cabinet Minister, Blue Limpet Line, was wrecked." "Why tell me, Waggett?" "I'm not an admiral." "I know, sir." "I didn't suppose that you were an admiral." "But this ship, loaded with whisky, has just gone down." " Whisky?" " Yes, sir." "Whisky." "Oh, that's different." "I have reason to believe that some of it was removed from the ship." "Well done!" "Get some for me." " For you, sir?" " I trust you weren't going to exclude me." "Sergeant Odd was on guard by my orders." "I regret to say he was brutally assaulted." "Oh, please, Dolly." " Serve him right." " Serve who right?" "Is the silly fellow there?" " Yes, yes." "He is here, sir." " Put him on line." "Sergeant, the Colonel wishes to speak to you." " Sergeant Odd here, sir." " Look here, Sergeant, what has this fellow" "Waggett been up to now?" "He'll lose the war for us." " Keep your eye on the fellow." " Yes, sir." "I shall never understand the military mind, Dolly." "Sometimes I ask myself if the professional soldier is human." " Treat him with contempt." " Good night, sir." "Did he say anything about you being assaulted?" "Yes, sir." "He made quite a point about that." "He said it showed how well I'd trained them." "I don't wish to criticise my superior officer but I find the Colonel's attitude extraordinary." "Quite extraordinary." "Well, sir." "I had suggested he mightn't like it." " Was there anything more, sir?" " What?" "." "Oh, no, no." "No, you better go back and rest." " Thank you, sir." "Good night, sir." " Good night." " Good night, Mrs Waggett." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Paul, you're not going to do anything more about this whisky?" "Surely you know me well enough to realise that once I've started something" "I see it through to the end." "Snordick 1-9, Constable Macrae." "Is there anyone in particular you suspect?" "I suspect all of them, Dolly." "All of them." "When the dawn rose on that memorable morning it found a changed island." "A sea that sparkled more brightly than before." "Grasses seemed greener, whiter sands." "Todday was hardly recognisable." "I'm going to tell my mother this morning that I'm going to be married when" "Peggy and the Sergeant are married." "That is, if Catriona will have me." " How many have you had, George?" " Four." " Four whiskies and the man's a giant." " I may have had too much to drink." "I don't really know." "I have never had too much to drink in my life." " How do you feel, George?" " I feel fine." " Is your head swimming?" " No." "You look steady enough on your pins anyhow." "But speaking as one with considerable experience in these matters," "I must warn you to beware of the reaction." "So we'll just prime you with one more dram and bring you into the ring in the pink of condition." "You'll not become a drinker if it's me you are going to marry." "I may have to until we're safely married." "So the sooner we get married, the better." "Will you listen to the man, what's come over him?" "Would you rather I just went on havering?" "No, George, I don't believe I would." "You'll be home in half an hour." "I think that's about the right dose." "Wait a bit, Doctor." "He may be needing your services." "Éist, girl." "You've got a fine lad there." "It's a well known medical fact that some men are born two drinks below par." "Oh, it's not your fault." "You've been spoilt, spoilt by me." "I've let you have your own way far too long." "No more of that now." "Catriona and I are getting married next month." "I've told you my terms and if you don't like them, you can go to..." "You can go to Glasgow." "George Campbell!" "Satan himself is in you!" "You come home drunken, debauched and shameless, bringing that wanton creature to my very door." "To think that your father's son would... would..." "And how are you keeping, Hector?" " Oh, I'm feeling quite myself again." " Well, that's fine." "Er, would you be hearing anything about this whisky?" "They tell me that some of it was saved from the sea." "Aye." "I'm after making a few enquiries." "Man, we get all sorts of unpleasantness in the police." "Aye, likely you would be." "Your hot water bottle's cold." "Will I be filling it up for you?" "No, no, just leave it." "I'm feeling fine and warm just now." "Well, I'll be going." " Good afternoon to you, Hector." " Good afternoon." "Do you mean to say you're selling the stuff?" "I'm selling it, all right, but who is buying it?" " You can go to prison for this." " To prison?" "What are you telling me?" "This is my quota." "Four bottles of whisky, first I've had in two months." "The Island Queen brought it in this morning." "Oh." "I beg your pardon." "Four bottles." "When there's maybe 200 cases of whisky on the island." "Two hundred cases?" "Constable Macrae has just told me he hasn't found a single bottle." " Macrae?" " He says he's looked everywhere." "Has he looked around the beach up at Seal Bay?" "Seal Bay." "You've got crazy, the lot of you." "Bottles, bottles everywhere." "The place is like a bar." " That's all right, isn't it?" " What is this?" "Can I put some of it in here?" "Anywhere as long as it is out of sight." "Obaig 6-6-6." "Will you hold on, please?" "Mr Waggett, you're through to Colonel Linsey-Woolsey." "Captain Waggett, sir." "Officer commanding Todday Home Guard." "I'm very anxious to have a short talk with you on Home Guard matters." " Not again." " Oh, no, no." "No, nothing to do with the ship." "No, it's about that ammunition I'm returning to you." "Now, I suggest that I catch the boat tomorrow and be with you the following morning." " If you must." " Yes, of course." "Yes, well I..." "I wanted to put you in the picture here." "Paul, all the way to Obaig just for a short talk with Colonel Linsey-Woolsey?" "Oh, no, I'm not going anywhere near the mainland." " No!" "I'm going to the excise people at Nobast." " Then why?" "Security." " He said he was off on the boat tomorrow." " Where's he going?" "To Obaig, to see the Colonel." "We can have our reitach tomorrow night and Catriona's, a double reitach." "All right." "Catriona." "Now, George." "At one gulp, or Catriona will be wearing the breeches." "Well done, George." "I still think, Mr Farquharson, our best course would be to go straight to the cave." "The cave won't run away, Mr Waggett." "I shall take advantage of our little expedition to make a house-to-house search." "The local constable has already done that and found nothing." " My men are experts." " So are the Todday men at hiding whisky." "We'll see." "Well, I suppose you know your own business best." "I do indeed, Mr Waggett." "As soon as I've made my little haul you can drive me to this cave of yours." " All right, if you insist." " I do." "Come on, get a move then." "That's right." "You know the orders, don't waste time." "Results depend on surprise." "You've got to move quick to find anything." "Grant, MacWhinney, you'll come with me." "There's a visit here I must pay myself." "You'll join us, won't you Mr Waggett?" "You know Joseph Macroon." "Yes." "Of course, if it's at all awkward, there's no need." "Awkward?" "Why should it be?" "I've done no more than my duty." "Then you'll join us." "Report to me at Macroon's post office." " Who is it?" "Post office is closed." " Miss Macroon." " Could we speak to your father?" " He's gone to bed." "Oh, Mr Waggett, it's you." "I thought you were at Obaig." "Er, no." "I'm afraid I must ask you to wake your father." " May we come in?" " Certainly, certainly." "If you wait here a moment I'll go and wake him." "Here, will they not smell it?" " Disinfectant." " Father." "Father." "They're here, the four of them, and Farquharson himself." " You're sure they've had no warning?" " How could they?" "Hmm." "Mr Macroon." "Mr Farquharson." "What brings you here at this time of night?" "It is on the late side but between old friends..." "Ah, well." "You're welcome." "I haven't seen you for a year or more." " As long as that?" " Aye, when the Jamaica Maid went down." "That's it." "Well, now the Cabinet Minister's gone down." "Aye, too quick." "She didn't last long at all." "We've had a report at Nobast that she lasted long enough for some of her cargo to be removed." "What?" "Now, who'd be saying a thing like that?" "Mmm-hmm." "I'm sorry to have disturbed you Mr Macroon." "I'll call earlier next time." "Oh, I didn't mind you coming late at all, Mr Farquharson." "Good night." "Aye, poor fellows." "A dirty job." "Aye." "You see?" "Not a single bottle." "I told you you wouldn't find anything that way." "Get back to the pier, I'll join you there." "I'm afraid we'll be wasting our time." " But aren't, er..." "Aren't you going down..." " I'll speak to you privately, Mr Waggett." "All right." "We failed to find anything because they were ready for us." "I see no reason to tell them what we are going to do next." " How far is it, this cave of yours?" " Well, driving carefully as I always do, about 15 minutes." " Where's your car?" " In my garage." "Farquharson's not going to the pier." "Do you think he'll be knowing about the cave?" "Waggett?" "No." " What makes you so sure?" " How would he know?" "I told him myself to take a look at Seal Bay." "What?" "What?" "Why should I help you to ruin my business?" "Do you know what I've sold since Friday of last week?" " Hurry, hurry!" " Hurry up!" "Come on, Sammy!" "Sammy, take her across to Maha along the sands, it will be quicker." "Okay." "I'd like to lay my hands on that man Waggett." "Just for a bit of whisky to go to prison." "Men!" "Sitting there doing nothing at all." "Could you not do something to stop Waggett?" " How can we?" " Soldiers." " Helpless as newborn babies." " Aye, I can see them stopping the Germans." "That stupid stuffed-up Sassenach playing at being a Laird." "And a tin pot general with his Home Guard and his roadblocks." "Roadblocks, a fat lot of use." "Roadblocks!" "How on earth did that get there?" "It's the fairies." "They're very active in these parts." " Who's next on the list?" " Torquil Munroe, his aunt has a telephone." " This will get you court-marshalled." " You don't know my Colonel, Doc." "It'll get me promoted." "This will take you the rest of the night, won't it?" "Not at all." "We can move it in a jiffy." "Not much use against the Germans, in that case." "My dear sir." "If we were Germans we should be under fire from snipers." "Only blanks." "It's a Home Guard issue." "Childish attempt to frighten." "Come on, you two." "Let's get this shifted." "It's a special exercise, Angus." "Do you remember Captain Waggett was telling us about the fifth columnist." "Mother, where is my helmet?" "You were using it to feed the hens." "And tell him he can't pass the bridge unless he knows the password." "Angus, Angus are you there?" "Hello?" "Hello, Angus?" " What is the password?" " Oh, it doesn't matter, anything." "Tell him it's "whisky"." "The password's "whisky"." "The password's "whisky", Angus." "Halt!" "Who is going there?" "What are you doing here in uniform, McCormac?" "I'm guarding the bridge according to instructions from Captain Waggett because the Germans have landed." " Have you gone out of your mind?" " No, no." "I'm pretty wise." "Then go back home and get out of uniform." "I can only be taking orders from Captain Waggett." " This is Captain Waggett." "Are you blind?" " No, I'm quite sober." "This is lunacy." "It..." "It's me." " I am Captain Waggett." " Aha, but how do I know that you're Captain Waggett?" "I think you're a dangerous fifth columnist, and you cannot be going without the password." "There you are, Waggett." "No password, no whisky." "Whisky!" "That's the very word." "Come on, Sammy." "Can't you get it wound up?" "Eh, shut the door, Joseph." "Here's Waggett." "Come on!" "Gone?" "It's been a very interesting experience, this little military exercise." "Mr Farquharson, they had a lorry." "Well, they can't drive fast across the dunes with that load." "Get in the car and cut them off!" " You couldn't drive a little faster, could you?" " Yes, I can." "No petrol." "We shall have to cut our way out." "Hello, yes." "It's for you." "Hello." "Yes, speaking." "Yes." "Indeed!" "Most interesting." " Yes, I'll ask him." " What was it?" "They'd welcome the opportunity to interview you at the Customs at Obaig." "Why?" "You sent two cases of ammunition to the mainland." "With a note to say that you were personally responsible." "I did." " One of them contained six bottles of whisky." " Whisky?" " For export only." " Oh, but that's..." "That's impossible." "Utterly impossible." "Dolly?" "Whisky Galore!" "Even after our private store was exhausted, there were stocks of legitimate whisky." "But the price went up, and then it went up again." "Until nobody in Todday could afford even a dram." "So, they all lived unhappily ever after." "Oh, except Sergeant Odd and his Peggy, for they were not whisky drinkers." "And if that isn't a moral story, what is?"