"Sunday afternoon at Ikenberry, mom went for a desk, I went for an ice cream cone, and dad went..." "Well, he went 'cause he's blind and he needed a ride home." "Looks like we won't have any of those flarkenstik desks in for three weeks." "That's a "flarken" long time." "Aren't they guaranteed to be in stock?" "Yes." "Next." "No, not next." "Still me." "I paid for the desk." "When it's guaranteed to be in stock," "I think it's fair for me to assume it's going to be in stock." "Here's what I think you should do." "Huh." " Go up to the second floor." " Okay." "Buy a bed, and get up on the right side of it." " Wow." " Okay." "You know what I think you should do?" "Get a phone..." "And use it to call me the second that desk gets in." " Thank you very much." " Joyce, step aside." "Being blind made my dad extra sensitive to unfairness in life." " Mel, I can handle it, okay?" " Receipt, please." "Fine, just don't make a scene." "Oh, there won't be a scene as long as we get what we deserve." " Name." " Tricia." "Being a lawyer made him argumentative." "Tricia, I'm gonna need to speak with your manager." "Sir, I can help you." "Can you give us the desk we've already paid for?" " No." " Then you can't help me." "Put them together, and tricia did not stand a chance." "But you do not want to deal with the guy that I am about to become." "Anton." "Once again, superman swoops in and fixes everything." "Probably one of the reasons Lois Lane divorced him." "I don't think they were ever married." "I don't think you're picking up what I'm putting down." "Step 46C..." "Take the L-shaped wrench thingy and tighten the drawer doohickey." "Okey-dokey." "Easy peasy." "Son of a bitch-y." "Gummy Bear, I love your smile." "Oh, Grizzly Bear, I love your eyes." "Yup, they're pretty awesome." "Gummy, grizz," "I could use a couple paws over here." "Uh..." "I've got practice." "Oh, by the way, babe," "I can't go to the movie this afternoon." "Really?" "I already bought the tickets." "Ha!" "I did it." "I am woman." "Here me drawer." "That's another good one." "I got to start jotting these down." "Yeah, my nana's in town, so we have to have this boring family get-together." "Oh, I get it." "I have to help my mom build the desk, so I know all about boring family obligations." "I'm right here." "Why don't you just get dad to call the furniture place and yell them into free assembly?" "Because I can do this myself." "Don't just sit there." "Help me." "Okay." "What's this thing?" "Extras." "Ah, blue milk, the magical result of mixing three different sugary cereals." "Mmm..." "So sweet." "And the cornerstone of the perfect day off from school." "So this is the plan for your day off..." "Vegging on the couch, watching TV, slurping sugary cereal?" "Not necessarily in that order." "Why don't we just hand China the keys to our country?" "Let's get you to work." "Remember, only open the door if it's Runyen, and no surfing the web for things your body's telling you it wants to look at but I'm telling you not to." " Hey, Principal Sloan." " Uh-uh-uh." "In this hallway, I'm not your principal." "I'm your princi-pal." "And as your pal, it saddens me to hear that you quit the debate team." "What?" "You quit the debate team?" "Son, are you flashing gang signs at me or..." "I wasn't flashing gang signs, but my day off was about to get shot in a drive-by." "Okay, time for a little test-drive." "Type, type, type." "Answer the phone." "Stare out the window pensively." " Do you love it?" " I really do." "I mean, it's a little bigger than I wanted, but bigger's better, right?" " You hate it." " I really do." "I'm sure I'll get used to the super awkward large drawers that are stupid and ugly, but whatever." " It's fine." " I'm calling dad." " I'll get him to return it." " No, now, wait." "No, wait." "Oh, God, I love your case." "That is cute." "What makes you think that I can't return this desk myself?" "'Cause you're terrible at confrontation." " No, I'm not." " Yes, you are." "Okay, don't yell." "I don't want to have a fight." "That's what you were talking about!" "Well, I'm going to get better at it, starting with this desk." "You know what the best part is?" "Since Anthony ditched you for his nana, you get to come with me." "That is the best part." "Why would you quit debate?" "I thought you loved the opinionators." "I used to love sucking my thumb, but you grow out of things." "Boom." "Probably has something to do with the fact that he lost his last tournament." " He got destroyed up there." " Destroyed?" "I came in second." "Yeah, there are only two sides." "Henry, you're never gonna get ahead in life by quitting." "Every setback is an opportunity to better yourself." "How do you think I got to be a lawyer with my own practice?" "You know what?" "That's it." "You're gonna come to work with me!" "Go slap on some khakis." "How great is it I live across the hall?" "So great." "You ready for the greatest day of your life?" "I was." "Now I'm just ready to follow you around work." "World's full of people doing, building, creating, smoking." "Put that out." "That stuff is toxic." "I hope at least you recycle." " What's up, Mr. F?" " Hey, Derek." "Derek's delivering water bottles to pay for med school." "You won't catch him sitting on the couch, slurping sugary milk, or any milk." "He's lactose intolerant." "Morning, Janice." "What's up?" "Hi, Henry." "Mel, Yamamoto's waiting on line one." "The jury just started deliberations on the Kosakowski trial, and I need your signature on Camden Steel." "Did I begin the letter politely and end with vague threats?" " You did." " I'm the best." " Coffee." " Thank you." "How's the cold?" "Comes and goes, but nothing stops me." "Henry, I gotta grab this call." "You can just hang out here and take in the sweet smell of success and Janice's microwave popcorn." "Janice!" "Carly's school is having a raffle." " How many tickets you in for?" " None." "Oh, come on." "At Christmas, you bought, like, four rolls of Henry's stupid wrapping paper to support his debate team." "Uncle Glen, I sold more rolls than anyone else and won an Xbox that I should be playing right now." "Let's go, Henry." "Clock's ticking." "Briefcase." " Is it okay?" " No... no!" "Thank you." "Man, look at this place." "It's packed." "It's like a Swedish furniture refugee camp." "Do you really need a desk?" "I mean, can't you just use the kitchen table?" " We never use it to eat." " No, we are doing this." "Oh, there's the desk I wanted." "Hey, cutie." "Look at it sitting there with its super cute drawers and just the right sizey-ness." "It's so you." "I can totally imagine it covered with half-written papers, weeks of unopened mail, and lists of stuff you're never really gonna do." " I know, right?" " Yeah." "Why do they have it on display if they don't have it in stock?" "It's like a desk tease." "Oh." "Okay, 312." "Well, maybe they're super close." "Now serving number 3." "They probably have a bunch of windows open." "Having a hard time thinking of something positive to say." "Hmm." "Ooh, ice cream cones for a buck." "Let's get 20." "While mom was filling her face with $1 ice cream cones, dad was filling my head with lessons about life." "And in closing, these are the policies which your company has put forth and which I, for my part, have honored." "Therefore, we have entered into a contract, albeit verbal, and I expect you to honor it." "The pizza took 32 minutes." "Ergo, free pie." "Thank you." "See, Henry?" "Never give up." "Unless you're Uncle Glen, in which case..." "Move over." "Hey, I could've done that myself, but I tweaked my back white water rafting." " Really?" "White water rafting?" " Okay, I sneezed this morning." "Pajamas and a blazer?" "You texted me last-minute location change, and I made it work." "Business casual." "Eat your pizza." " I'm not hungry." " What's wrong?" "My dad brought me here 'cause he wanted to teach me a lesson." "Well, lesson learned." "There's nothing he can't do." "What's the point of trying if I'm never gonna be able to come close to that?" "So what I'm hearing is, you're not gonna finish that pizza." " Ooh!" " Oh!" "Oh, man!" "Are you kidding me?" "Anthony's friend, fat Anthony, just posted a pic of him on instagram." "He's not with his nana." "He's at a Dodgers game." "That little jerk!" "What are you gonna do?" " I mean, what can I do?" " Bust him." "You read me the riot act for singing in the car." "You can't a boyfriend out for lying to your face?" "Oh, no." "Someone stole our number." "321." "I put it right here." "Mom, no one took it." "It probably just blew away." "Yeah, it's the jet stream from kitchen and dining." "No, someone stole our number." "I've been burgled." "Ikenberry, I can't take it." "If your father was here, he'd have the universe tripping over itself to get him a new desk." "You know what?" "I'm gonna do exactly what he does." "Create embarrassing drama in public?" "Oh, you betcha." "I'm gonna scope out the area," "I'm gonna wait for my number to be called, and then I am going to confront the ticket thief." "And you know what you're gonna be doing" " while I'm doing that?" " Getting us a soft pretzel?" "Calling Anthony and busting his little lying behind." "Mom, I can't do that." "Or I guess we can have dad do it for you." "So he quit debate." "Big deal." " Kids quit stuff." " You know," "I brought Henry here today to try to inspire him, but really doesn't seem to be working out." "By the way, what are you doing there?" "We need a new water bottle already?" "No, I'm just proving I can do it by myself." "And I can." "It's that important to you to have a win?" " Yeah, it totally is." " Huh." "Hey, great idea." "Henry lost his confidence because of one bad debate." "He just needs some kind of a win to get his mojo back." "I am full of good ideas." "Careful, there's some water on the floor." "I can't confront Anthony, 'cause he'll be like, "Oh, are you checking up on me?"" " And I just can't be that girl." " What girl?" "The girl that's brave enough to confront her boyfriend after he's played her?" "Yeah, I know the urban lingo." "Well, guess what." "You are that girl." "I like that girl, and I am going to be the adult version of that girl." "We are not going to allow ourselves to be dissed any longer." "You know what?" "I'm in, and you're on." "Ow." " Got a shock there." " You know what that is?" "Girl power." "We will not take less than we deserve." "It ends here." "It ends now." " It ends at Ikenberry." " Ma'am, can you keep it down?" "Oh, yeah, sure." "You're buying a chance to win two front row tickets to the world's premiere French-Canadian acrobatics show." "When one of those twirling idiots slips and breaks their legs, you can give them the firm's card." "Come on, Glen, are you still at this?" "Every parent has to sell 20 raffle tickets." "This is really becoming a distraction." "Hey, Henry." "You're a good salesman." "Help me out here." "If you can get your Uncle Glen to 20 ticket sales," "I'll have you home on the couch slurping cereal before you know it." " Really?" " You bet." "Sweet!" "Wrapping paper." "Yeah, wrapping..." "Uncle Glen, you're going about this the wrong way." " Give me your phone." " Mm-hmm." "Folks, this is my cousin Carly." "Cute, huh?" "Born with two left feet." "Couldn't kick a soccer ball if you glued it to her leg." " Basically, the girl's a joke." " Hey." "And you know where she goes to feel safe?" "The same place outcasts have turned for centuries, the theater." "And that's exactly what the proceeds from these tickets are going to help build." "I played medea in the eighth grade." "Yeah, you did." "By buying these tickets, you're standing up for all the uncoordinated children of the world." "Preach." "You're giving them a place to feel safe, and isn't that what we're all looking for?" "Love, acceptance, and a safe place to be ourselves?" "And you'll be keeping misfits like Carly out of the way of the athletic kids." "Hey, nice job, pal." "Let's put you in a cab, huh?" "You deserve it." "You know what?" "I think I'll stay." "Yeah, I was just selling raffle tickets, but I remember walking out of that kitchen thinking maybe stepping out of my dad's shadow wasn't impossible." "I was feeling 5 feet tall." "Oh, I forgot my chips." "Thanks for playing along, guys." "Nice touch with medea, Beth." "Yeah, Henry really needed a win." "And don't worry about the raffle tickets." " I'll buy 'em." " And back to 4'8"." "Who do you think the ticket thief is?" "Oh, it's got to be weight belt guy over there." "He should get his ass kicked just for wearing that in public." " Are you calling Anthony?" " Watch me dial." "Do not let him talk you out of this." "He lied to you." "It's ringing." "Ooh, what about grandma over there?" "She looks shifty." "I am not buying that crucifix." "Hey, Gummy Bear." "Don't "Gummy Bear" me, Anthony." "I know you were at the Dodgers game." "Fat Anthony put you on instagram." "Dude!" "Katie, it's not a big deal." "I mean, we can go to that movie anytime." "I'm still your Grizzly Bear." "The big deal is that you lied." "You're a lying liar, and I'm not gonna let someone disrespect me like that." "Go, gummy." "Humiliation is defined as the painful loss of pride, self-respect, or dignity." "Check, check, and check." "Hey, buddy." "The latest raffle ticket total 44 and counting." "Whatever." "Jury's back on the Kosakowski trial." "I guess after your killer closing argument, they didn't need much time." "Oh, you picked a good day to be here, kiddo." "Get to see your dad in action." "Come on, buddy." "This'll be fun." "You can shadow me." "Of course all I heard was, "You can be in my shadow."" "I need to be with someone who respects me, and lying is unacceptable." "Nice." "Preach it, girl." "Can we talk about this later?" "No, we cannot talk about this later." "You know why?" "There's not gonna be one." "Okay, you know what?" "Slow down." "Pump the brakes a little bit." "We're over." "Gummy Bear out." "Wow, breakup." "Did not see that coming." "I was inspired by my mother's newfound kick-ass-ness, and... and it just felt right." "No settling." " Wow." " Ooh." "That was such a rush." "No wonder dad likes doing it." "Now serving number 321." " Our number." " Now it's your turn." "Okay, there he is." "I can do this." "Oh, I can't do this." "I can't do this." "I don't have your father's ability." "He has the advantage of not having to see who he's confronting." "Okay, Joyce, you can do this, and you will." "Your whole life has been leading up to this moment." "It starts here." "It starts now." "It starts at Ikenberry." "Plus, I told my guy off, so you gotta go tell yours." "I'd always heard stories of my dad's exploits in court, but until that day," "I had never seen him in action." "And even though I was still stinging from the raffle ticket incident, it was amazing to see dad in his element." " How we doing, pal?" " Great." "As dad was getting warmed up, mom was going full force." "Hey, cargo pants and ponytail, you stole my number." "Whoa, right out of the gate." " Are you talking to me?" " Yes, I am, lady hair." "What kind of animal steals someone's number?" "Ma'am, I think you got the wrong guy." "Oh, really?" "Check your pockets." "Check your hundreds of pockets." "Oh, wait, no need." "Here it is." " Hey." " Yup, 321." "That's my number." "Oh, God." "Here we go." ""In the case of Kosakowski versus equity construction, the jury finds in favor of the plaintiff."" " Wait, what?" " Wait, what?" "Your honor, we move for an immediate motion for judgment notwithstanding the verdict." "You have no grounds." "The court has ruled." "But give me a minute to poll the jury." "You have taken up enough of this court's time, counselor." " Your honor..." " One more word out of you and I'll hold you in contempt." "This court is adjourned." "I don't know if justice was served, but dad was." "I may look like a pretty lady that you can take advantage of, but that's just because I'm having a great hair day." "Mom was discovering she could be confrontational." "You are a bully who thinks he can take someone's ticket without consequences." "And you are having a bad hair life." " Huh?" " Good one." " Okay." " Wasn't our number 312?" "No, it was 321, and this guy stole it." "But it turns out she should've been confronting the back of her pants." "Remember that shock we got before?" "I think it might've been static cling." "So this would be yours." "You know, I'm coming around on the cargo pants." "I mean, it's really like having 16 purses." "On second thought, I don't think this desk is that bad." "I kind of love it." "Should we..." "Just get the hell out of here?" "Yeah." "Don't stop, or I will leave you here." "I will leave you." "Act like you work here." "Act like you work here." " Okay." " Girl power." "Girl power..." "Oh!" " Go, go, go!" " Okay, okay, okay." " I feel like I let you down." " How?" "Well, I took you to work today to inspire you, but after what happened in court..." "Are you kidding me?" "That was awesome." "Wow, that's kind of mean." "Dad, you taught me it's okay to fail." "Yeah, I wouldn't say "fail" exactly." "You know, most cases that go to trial..." "No, no, no." "You fell flat on your face at your job." "Wait, is that why you quit the debate team, because you felt like you couldn't live up to me?" "Well, you are kind of a superhero, and you probably never needed your dad to set up a whole raffle ticket scam just to make you feel like you could succeed." " Oh, you knew about that." " Yup." "Well, did you also know that I ended up not paying for a single ticket?" "Everybody was so impressed by your sales pitch, they bought their own." " Really?" " Well, except Bernadette." "She thinks Cirque du Soleil is the devil's gymnastics." "She really has it in for them." "Henry, you know that I will always be proud of whatever you do as long as you try your best." "Right?" "Like you tried your best today." "But you got destroyed." "Yeah, well, I'm gonna find a way to appeal that case, so that's probably gonna end up in the win column too, okay?" "Am I sensing an eye roll from you?" "It was easier for me to look up to dad now that his pedestal was a little lower." "You got to be kidding me." "Wait, wait, wait." "The judge said what?" ""One more word out of you, and I'll hold you in contempt."" "Mom discovered if she ever got a pedestal that she didn't like, she'd have no trouble returning it." "No trouble at all." "Joyce, we got the right damn desk." "Can we get a little help carrying it in?" "This thing barely fit through the door." "I don't know how you managed to squeeze it into your car." "Girl power." " Step." " Thank you." "And adrenaline." "We were being chased by security." "Oh." "Now that I have it in the house," "I'm not sure." "Yeah, you're keeping it." "We're not going back there." "No, but this one's kind of truncated, and the other one was actually bigger, and the color might've been better." "I need to see them side by side, actually." "That would really be..."