"Previously on "In Treatment"..." "I left home." "You really helped me with that in our last session." "You showed me that leaving home was my own personal decision." "Could you be mad at me for something else?" " Like what?" " Because I met a patient of yours." "I got the dates wrong, and I accidentally met Laura." " Should I go for her?" " I can't give you dating tips, Alex." "She's, she's the kind of woman that can... could drive a man insane, am I right?" " Bye, bye, Melissa." " Bye." "Thank you." "I'm early, huh?" "Uh... yeah, yeah, but it's okay." "It's... not a problem." "Yeah, I was in the area, and I didn't wanna go home and have to come all the way back." " It's okay." " Are you sure?" " You don't have things to do?" " I'm sure." "Oh..." "This is from Laura." "I think it's a check." "Who knows?" "S01E17:" "Alex, Week Four" "I'll pay you for the extra time." " Uh, no need, it's, uh... it's okay." " No, no, no, no," "I insist." "It's what, another 20%?" "30 bucks, hold on." "Do you feel better now?" " What do you mean?" " After paying me, do you... feel better?" "What are you trying to say?" "Uh, I guess that I'm..." "I'm surprised by how much effort you put into showing your contempt for this process and... for me." "Relax, okay?" "It's just the way my mother raised me." "I don't know what it's like with you people, but I don't take charities, I like to pay for what I get." "I'm glad you're getting something here, Alex." "Listen, let's not make a big deal out of this, okay?" "You want me to admit that this therapy is worthwhile?" "Okay, I'll admit it:" "this therapy is changing my life." "Happy?" "Can we drop it now?" "How many patients do you have?" " Why -- why is that relevant?" " I'm just... curious." " Like today, how many patients already?" " Why are you asking me this?" "'Cause I wanna know what kind of money you make." "Let's say, you have eight patients a day, times five days a week," "$150 a pop..." "It's pretty good living there, doc." "24 grand a month." " Do you wanna buy me out, Alex?" " What?" "Well, 24,000 a month, and I'm all yours." "And, uh, you'll be my only patient." "It must be hard for you to be in this position, to be perceived as, uh... weak." "And you have this..." "need to regain your strength." "You bring me a check from Laura, you've asked me about my patients and my income, and you've done everything you can to put me in my little place." "Did I offend you?" "No " " I'm kind of used to it." "But then, all our sessions start out like that, don't they, Alex?" "Maybe I was expecting something a little different today, maybe because you are early... or because... you've been asking around about me." "Do you want me to tell you why I was early, or do you wanna just go on and on with your theories?" "I'd love to hear." "I went to the base today." "I thought I'd pop over, before my session here, and say hello to my boys, you know." "When I got to the gate, I realized I forgot my ID." "Now usually that's not a big deal." "But there's a new grunt at the gate..." "Some real... okie from Muskogee." "I told him, "Look... call the base commander, and tell him that lieutenant Prince is here."" "So he goes in the booth, calls, comes back a minute later, and he says," "I'm not on the approved list." "Now... of course this is a real sensitive issue these days, as you can imagine." "Still " " I said, "To hell with the list." "This is what you do: you call Dana, the secretary, tell her to talk to the commander, and you tell him that lieutenant Alex Prince Jr." "is waiting at the gate."" "So he goes in, he calls, he comes back, and he says..." "He says, "I'm sorry, but the commander is in a meeting."" "Now, maybe he was in a meeting and he couldn't be disturbed." "Or maybe they were stuffing their faces with doughnuts." "Or maybe he just didn't give a fuck." "I don't know." "I told that guard, I said, "Look, you tell Dana, if she took the commander's cock out of her fucking mouth once in a while, then maybe she could hear better."" "Man..." "I was this close to knocking that motherfucker out." "Anyway, I didn't get in, so I left." "And that!" "... is why I got here early." "Not, uh... not an easy experience." "No, it's bullshit." "Now I gotta come here and I gotta deal with this?" "I got you coming at me like this?" "Now, just the tip of the iceberg." "My shitty week started on Saturday." "Why?" "What happened on Saturday?" "Okay, we're gonna pretend here, all right." "We can pretend." "You know what happened." "Do I?" "I wish you would've warned me about Laura..." "last week." "It would have saved us both a lot of heartache." "I slept with her, okay?" "With Laura." "That's what happened on Saturday." "But I'm sure, you got a full play-by-play from her already." "Did she or did she not talk to you about it?" "I'm not at liberty to discuss my patients or their sessions." "Now, what is that?" "Code language for she did discuss it, but you won't tell me?" "Alex!" "..." "No." "Okay." "It was pretty weird." "She called to ask me if I wanted to come over for dinner." "No problem, right?" "So when I got to her place..." "I looked at her." "You know, I looked at how she was dressed, I looked at the table," "I looked at the wine, and..." "I realized that dinner was obviously just a code name for sex." "This whole thing... was like a ritual." "A -- a ritual?" "Yeah, yeah, and all the rules " "First, of course, there's the meal." "She doesn't look like a cook, right?" "But... she made a big effort." "For starters, she prepared her own sushi..." "California rolls." " They weren't that great, to tell you the truth." " Didn't taste good?" "It was just for show, don't you get it?" "That's the problem nowadays, everything is for show." "If you wanna make sushi, take a fucking course." "Go to a real Japanese grocery, don't make it with "Uncle Ben's Rice" and imitation crabmeat, come on." "Did you say... anything... to her?" "Of course not, no." "The dinner... was just a lead up to us getting in bed, I told you that." "It didn't really matter." "So, did you want to sleep with her?" "Yeah, but... it has nothing to do with wanting anything." "It was all premeditated." "It was like a... a mating ritual, like the Maasai tribe in Tanzania -- but for yuppies." "Anyway, yeah, yeah, so we got up from the table, we went to her bedroom and had sex." "And that's what happened on Saturday." "It's interesting that you... you tell me so much about this... ritual of you going to bed together, but... nothing about... what happened between you." "I, I, I'm sure that you've had lousy sushi... before, but..." "I don't think you've been with another woman for a long time," " isn't that correct?" " But you know what happened." "So why do you have to hear it from me?" "You're very preoccupied with who knows what and who said what." "What, what, what's important is, how you felt about it... how the experience was for you." "The sex, hmm?" "The sex is all that anyone wants to talk about." "But is it really as important as you people make it out to be?" "Well, you tell me." "Now look, I know that's what it says in all your textbooks." "I know that." "But I ask myself, "Is it really the key... to everything?" "Or is it just the simplest answer?"" "But you're the one who started the story by saying that the sex... was the issue, that all the rest was just... uh, foreplay." "Okay..." "I'll tell you what happened." "Otherwise you won't feel like you're doing your job, right?" "But before I start... there's something I've gotta know." "Did you ever jerk off to anything a patient told you?" "What?" "Come on." "Come on, you, you must hear some crazy stories from women..." "Explicit shit... fantasies." "Did you ever jerk off afterwards?" "Are you concerned that I'll... masturbate to something that you tell me, Alex?" "Me?" "No." "I'm talking about you've got women they sit here on your couch." "They tell you all about fucking." "It must get to you sometimes." "I know it would get to me." "Do you masturbate?" "Here you go again, you're answering a question with a question." "All right..." "I'll answer with an answer." "I'm a human being." "I masturbate sometimes, uh..." "My fantasies are..." "about many, many things... all sorts of women." "Is that what you wanted to hear?" "That in that regard I'm not that substantially different from you?" "That's the first time you've ever answered one of my questions." "In any case, you won't masturbate to me and Laura's story, I guarantee you that." "You may think of it the next time you're having sex with your wife, and you're trying not to come." "It must have been a very, uh... complex experience for you... being with, uh... being with another woman, after all this time." ""Complex"... right." "I gave a shitty performance." "I made every possible mistake." "I was a mess... to tell you the truth." "During dinner... before we had sex..." "I started thinking about my first date with my wife Michaela... about 15 years ago." "Jesus." "We had gone out to this bar together, and at the time she was the liberal type, you know, she'd talk openly about everything:" "foreplay, favorite positions, cuddling afterwards..." ""Cosmo"-type bullshit." "And among other things, she told me that researchers found that wine arouses women sexually, and represses men's sexual desires." "Have you ever heard that?" "I don't know what made me do it, but at one point, during my conversation with Laura," "you know, we hit one of those deadly silences." "I suddenly told her that... alcohol sexually represses men, while women, it..." "And she, she -- of course, she didn't respond." "She just gave me one of those looks, saying, "Why are you telling me this?"" " Why did you tell her?" " I don't know." "I, I -- maybe it was a way to... move the conversation in a sexual direction, make things go forward." "A kind of signal that she had been cleared to attack." "Is, uh..." "Is that what you wanted?" "For her to... attack?" "Do you think that she understood the signal?" "Yeah." " Is there another way of getting it?" " Well, it might have sounded like an apology... in advance..." "that you didn't have any... real sexual... desire for her." "No, no, I don't think so." "She wasn't even too fazed by it." "She just... changed the subject, right away... like I had said something nasty, something... inappropriate at the table... with all that sushi." "And that's what pissed me off." "Like all her faggy doctor friends she hangs out with always say exactly the right thing." "So, listen, first chance I got, I looked her right in the eye and I said..." ""Baby..." "I have to go to the bathroom." "I'm a bit nervous." "It's my first time since I left my wife."" "This time she could barely squeeze out a smile, even a phony one." "And from then on, every few minutes, I'd mention my wife and the separation, even in bed." "I did it every chance I got just to see her squirm." "I think I got her completely out of the mood." "She was totally turned off." "We had sex." "It was more like two animals mating." "I wasn't that hard and I came pretty fast." "Even on the way to the shower I threw in another," ""I'm sorry, it was my first time in so many years," just for dessert." "I don't know why I kept saying it." "Were you thinking about your wife?" "No." "Or feeling guilty, maybe?" "No, why would I?" "Well... because any of those reactions would have been natural, Alex." "We haven't talked about your, uh... your separation, how you feel about it." "No, that's not what this is about." "I told you, the separation was the right thing to do." "I haven't even looked back on that." "Don't, don't you get off topic." "What is the topic?" "Do our stories match, me and Laura's?" "That's what I want to know." "Look, on the one hand, you describe this feeling of, of helplessness... weakness, as if you were dragged into sex against, against your will." "You feel that you didn't perform too well, so you felt... somewhat humiliated." "Then, to gain back..." "some strength and... control... you make these references to your wife... in order to belittle Laura." "Belittle her?" "Tell you, you really make some pretty far-out connections." "She belittled me." "Her whole attitude is..." " it's patronizing." " You're sure?" "You're the one who suddenly felt weak... so you attacked." "You wanted to regain control." "It reminds me of the beginning of our session when you came in here." "You were vulnerable from what happened at the base." "You give me the envelope from Laura, and then you throw your money on the table, as if you wanted to humiliate me, to make me feel... to make me feel small." "How's your machine?" "It's... it's good." "Thank you." "Are the clients happy?" "I'm gonna make me some coffee, by the way, if you want some." "If you've decided to stop being a tea man." "Alex, can we get back to this... please?" "We're onto something here, and I don't want to lose track." "Just give me a second here, okay?" "I realize we're onto something." "I just need a break." "Respect that." "I want you to tell me something... honestly." "Do you really think, you can help me?" "If we sit here and talk about fucking a few times... you'll be able to solve all my problems?" "I don't have the answer to that question." "Yeah, I knew you'd say that." "You know, that's what kills me about you people, 'cause any other professional..." "I go to a doctor, he takes a look and he says, "This is what you got." "This is how long you have to live."" "If I went to a mechanic, he'd say," ""$2,000, it'll be good as new."" "But you people, you don't guarantee shit." "Can I tell you a story?" "What kind of story?" "It's a Jewish parable that a..." "a friend of mine told me." "These two friends are condemned to death, but the king..." "He, he liked them and he, he didn't wanna kill them." "So instead, he tied a... a thin rope across this... abyss... and he told them both to walk over the rope." "Whoever made it to the other side, would be allowed to live." "So the first one walked over the rope, and he makes it safely to the other side." "And after he made it, his friend yells out to him," ""How, how did you do it?"" "And the other guy answered," ""I have no idea." "All I know is that... whenever my weight pulled me to one side..." "I leaned to the other."" "It ain't exactly "Lord of the Rings"." "True." "So what does it mean?" "That you have to maintain balance in your life?" "I think " " I think, what it means is that there are no simple ways of jumping over an abyss... or ways that work for everyone." "I think, what you're looking for, Alex, is, uh... a million-dollar magic trick, and I..." "I don't have that." "I truly believe, there is no simple way to jump across an abyss." "Instead, we have to work in..." "small, internal... steps." "The question is whether you want..." "us, you and I, to engage in that process." ""Eyes on your instruments."" "What do you mean?" "It's one of the basic principles in aviation." "You ever heard of vertigo?" "Sure." "When you go into vertigo, your, uh..." "directional perception changes." "You're spatially disoriented." "You'd be flying at mach 2, nose down, and think you're taking off." "So that's the first thing they teach you at pilot school." "You go into vertigo, you look only at your aircraft's instruments." "Ignore your feelings completely, rely on your instruments." "That's what the air controller tells you if he thinks you're freaking out, and that's, that's what you're telling me now." ""Eyes on your instruments."" "So, you want me to... put myself into your hands." "You wanna navigate me... rely on you." "And on one hand, you're right." "I mean, that's why I came in the first place, but keeping my eyes on my instruments is what got me here." "What, what, what do you mean?" "'Cause I kept my eyes on my instruments, I dropped that bomb so accurately into that window." "I relied only on my commanders." "And I killed innocent people." "And now I'm supposed to rely on you." "Alex, I don't want you to rely on me." "I want you to rely on yourself..." "on your own feelings." "The most I can ever be to you is like a... an air traffic controller who tells you to try to ignore the expectations of everybody else." "It's the expectations that give you... that give you vertigo." "What's the first step..." " on the way to my new life?" " Well, what... what would you like to do?" "I think I'll go fuck her again." "Yeah..." "I'll fuck her, well and proper this time." "I'll fuck her slow, and good." "I'll take my time up into that... sweet, hot, little pussy." "I mean, what's the big deal?" "I mean, she thinks she's the belle of the ball." "Fuck that." "She must be pretty miserable if she comes to see you, right?" "Don't assume that everybody who comes to see me is miserable, Alex." "Look, doc... when I came to pick her up from here yesterday, she was like a complete psychopath." "One minute she's hugging me, completely over the top, like we're in some kind of movie." "The next minute, as soon as I close the car door, she's like, "Take me home!" "I'm too tired to do anything today." I mean, what the fuck?" "She turned as cold as ice." "She was... two totally different people." " I mean, go figure what goes through her head." " Listen to what you're saying." "You're belittling her again." "Hey, you don't think she belittles me?" "You don't think I know, she's completely and totally hung up on someone else?" "Check this out." "Saturday, after we had sex, she straddles my leg." "She starts rubbing up against me... as if..." "I'm not even there." "It's so obvious she's fantasizing about somebody else." "And then... she starts crying." "I mean, tears and everything." "She's just crying, and I ask her, "Laura, what's, what's -- what's up?" "Everything okay?"" "She doesn't even look at me." "She doesn't even answer me... like I'm just her dildo." "God, so..." "Don't tell me I belittle her, okay?" "I know this is going to sound crazy, after everything I just said..." "But do you think we have a chance together, me and Laura?" " Now, if we really work at it?" " I, I, I don't know, Alex." "I, I, I couldn't even..." "I don't know that." "I think, it could happen." "I mean, like you said, doc, it's, it's a long series of... small steps, right?" "Mm-hmm, yes, it is." "Well... our, uh... our time is up for today." "Already?" "Why don't we continue next week where we, uh... where we left off today, okay?" " Thanks." " You're welcome."