"Oh!" "Oh!" " Hollywood!" " Hollywood!" "Get your mind off that dame and back on the job or we'll never get outta here." "This war's been goin' on for the last ten years." "You had Japs in Manchuria in 1931, the Eye-ties in Ethiopia in 1935, the Krauts been blitzkrieging your favorite European tourist attractions the last 3 years." "Last year in Africa, it took General O'Connor and his British tanks two months... to grab Libya and it took Rommel 12 days to get it back." "Jesus!" "Look at this cremation!" "You're supposed to be drying dishes, not killing people." "Give me that turkey leg." "I'll shove it up your ass." "What's the matter with you?" "Look at all this good food over here." " Pop, Wally made me cook!" " Wally, my ass!" "Looka here!" "Perfectly good eggs!" "What the hell's the matter with you, throwing away food like that?" "Put it back over the stove, warm it up for them fellows out there." "Let's mutilate this food before they can serve it to anyone else." "They are so disgusting." "If you don't quit hanging around with that playboy, you gonna end up with a record you can't play on the jukebox." " But, Pops" " Pops?" "I ain't your Pops!" "But, Pops, I've been practicin' all week." "I'm takin' dancing lessons." " I seen you dance." "You can't dance worth a spit." "Give me that thing." "Jesus." "When are you gonna remember which side of the tracks you come from, boy?" " We need more coffee." " Coming right up." " Clean that place up right there!" "What's your problem, kid?" "You got ants in your pants?" "I was just practicing some dance steps." " Dance steps?" " Mm-hmm." "You got somethin' to be dancin' about, bub?" " I don't know." "Maybe I do." " Maybe you do?" "There's a war on, pal." "I want to know why you're not in uniform." "I want to know what you're doin' dancin' around tables." "I want to know why you're not in the Army." " 'Cause I don't take orders from anybody." " A tough guy, huh?" " Whoa!" "Are you okay?" "I'm really sorry." " I'm terribly sorry." " You got egg on my uniform." " I'm very sorry." " I hate eggs." " Eggs are good for you." " I can't stand eggs." "I hate eggs." " Look out, Wally." " Watch it!" "He's got a leg." " That ain't the way you do it!" "Can it, Sitarski!" "Save it for the Japs!" "For cryin' out loud, Sarge." "Look at this bozo." "Anybody who wears a shirt like that is askin' for it." "He's an American, Sitarski." "If it's one thing we don't want, it's seeing Americans fighting Americans." "I won't stand for that." "Not here, not anywhere." "We've had our chow." "Move out." " You okay, kid?" " You're not gonna tip him, are ya, Sarge?" " That's okay." "I don't need your tip." " I think you do." "Get rid of that shirt." "It's in bad taste." "Come on!" "Clean them floors up like I told ya!" "Floors haven't been washed in 10 years." "It'll take me all night." "I don't give a damn if it takes 20 years." "He can't work tonight." "Tonight's his big night." " Tonight's the night of the Jitterbug contest." " Jitterbug?" "Hell!" "That reminds me." "Kill them cockroaches in that flour sack." " Pop, he can't work." "He's gotta dance!" "Pop!" "Pop!" "You can't do this to me!" "I'll do anything!" "I gotta get that money!" "I gotta get that suit!" "Only way you'll get a suit is steal one." " Now scram!" "Get out!" " Ow!" "Oh!" "Easy come, easy go." "Oh, no, you think that's gonna stop me?" "Nothing's gonna stop me from being with Betty Douglas tonight." " Um, Miss Fitzroy?" " Yes, Betty?" "Does this mean we won't be allowed to dance with civilians tonight?" " That is correct." "In fact, civilians will no longer be permitted in this facility." "The world is changing, girls, and we have to change with it." "These men in uniform are after one thing" "I don't want to hear any more talk about your precious morality." "Morale." "Now that is what is important." "You are gonna have to smile at men... who you would never give a second glance to in peacetime." "Yes, Miss Fitzroy." "Make polite conversation with men whose minds are in the gutter." "Yes, Miss Fitzroy." "You are gonna have to dance and dance close with men you might find repulsive." "Eww!" "Oh, heaven, heaven." "Some of them are really cute!" " I want you!" "Eight o'clock!" "I can't take it!" " Seven-thirty!" " I love you!" "Tonight!" "I love you!" "That's all Reed Jack, one of our better boogie-woogie suits." " And very expensive." " Excuse me." "What do you mean by that?" "It's just that I couldn't help noticing what you were wearing when you came in." "My good man, are you accusing me of not having enough dough to pay for this?" " Shh!" " I might as well leave this store." "No." "Come back." "Try on the hat." "It goes with the suit." "You know what I mean?" "It's not gonna work." "It ain't gonna work." "It's not gonna work." "Elsewhere in the news, it's been reported... that two squadrons of Japanese planes flew over San Francisco last night." "They bombed Pearl Harbor." "Now they're going to come here." "They bombed Pearl Harbor!" "Now they're going to come here!" "Thank you, but no, thank you." "I have changed my mind." " I do not want it!" " What do you mean you changed your mind?" " I'm sorry, sir." "I am taking it off." " But you wanted a suit." "I learned one thing today:" "I will never shop east of Beverly Hills." " Merry Christmas!" " Merry Christmas." "It ain't gonna work." "Why do I always have troubles on Christmas" " It's not gonna work." " Why can't I have a- What?" "Oh, my God." " God." "Air raid." "Japs." "Japs!" "Japs!" "Get outta my way!" " Air raid!" "I never thought they'd be this nervous." "Hi, girls." "Your first air raid?" "Are you two sisters?" " Get lost!" " We want a man!" "Soldier!" "Soldier!" "Help us!" "Hey, Wally, I think we swiped the wrong style." " What?" " Those gals are khaki wacky!" " They're what?" " Look at that!" " Dames are falling for uniforms." " I don't want dames!" "All I want is to dance with Betty tonight." "Come on!" "Let's get outta here!" "Everybody, down!" "Everybody, down!" "This is your diagonal warning!" "Everybody, down!" "Oh, no." "Fill 'er up." "Ethyl." "Where?" "It was just a case of war nerves." "Two squadrons of Japanese Zeroes" "The Japs tried to bomb San Francisco last night." "Two squadrons of Jap Zeroes." "I've been tracking' them ever since." "I lost them somewhere over Fresno." "Radio says that's not true about San Francisco." " It was just a case of war nerves." " War nerves?" " Yeah." " Who said, "war nerves"?" "I heard it on that radio there." " Radio's wrong." " Oh, my God!" "Oh, shit!" "Oh!" "Stop that plane!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Damn it!" "Stop!" "Madness." "It's the only word to describe it." "This isn't the state of California." "This is a state of insanity." "General Stilwell, Colonel Grant suggests dispatching... guard units to all the city reservoirs." "Intelligence suspects that Fifth Columnists are going to..." ""pour poison into the water supply."" "And G-2 should pour knockout drops into the water supply." "Maybe the people of the city would calm down and leave the war to the Army." "Stand off!" "Sir?" "Sir?" "The General." " My fingers." "I need them over here." " Do you hear sirens?" " Captain Birkhead." "General Stilwell is here." " Do I hear sirens?" "Ow!" "Oh!" "Sirens!" " What are you doin'?" "I'm not finished yet." " Oh!" " Sorry, Captain." "Captain, what's your name again?" " Loomis Birkhead." " Sorry, Captain Birkhead, but that's General Stilwell." " Wait!" " I've got to get my story!" " I was just giving it to you." "I'll tell ya, DuBois, there are positive and negative aspects... about being a general's aide." "The general couldn't have been a couple more minutes late, could he?" "It is wartime, and we all have to make sacrifices." "Here he comes!" " You have a telegram from Colonel Maddox, sir?" " Madman Maddox?" " What does he want?" " Troops, sir." "Troops?" "It's a practice bombing range in Barstow in the middle of the desert." "What's he want troops for?" "Give me that." ""Request emergency troops." "Invasion imminent." "Suspect hidden Jap airfield in Pomona alfalfa fields."" "I blame myself." "I put that lunatic out there." "Jesus H. Christ, DuBois." "Is that the General's new secretary?" "Yes, sir." "She came in from G-2 this morning." " Not bad, huh?" " Not bad?" "She's a goddess." "A goddamn goddess!" "That is Donna Stratton." "I knew her back in Washington." "She has got this thing for planes." "One of those real high- flyin' types, huh?" "I've never seen anything like it." "She's got planes on the brain." "His brother had all those political connections in Georgia." "What could I do?" "Tell him to hold his position." "I'll send someone up there later ." "Where's Birkhead?" "He's supposed to have my lunch." "B-17." "Ooh." "No man has ever gotten to first base with her on the ground." "But get her into a plane, she'll bat your balls right out of the park." " You can fly, sir?" " Who said anything about flying?" "I just gotta get her into that plane." "I'll fake the rest." " Hello, Donna." "Donna Stratton, after all this time." "How long has it been?" "Not long enough." "You're not still sore, are you, Donna?" "Yes!" "in a number of places." "Same old Donna." "Listen, I got a great idea." "Why don't we get together for dinner tonight?" "We got a lot to talk about." "What could you and I possibly have to talk about?" "Airplanes." "I seem to recall that you always had a very keen interest in aircraft." "Now, take this B-17, for example." "A woman like you is bound to appreciate a plane like the 17." "After all, it's big." "It's the biggest one here." "You know what else?" "It's got a lot of range." " You know what I mean by range, don't you?" " Oh, sure." "It can stay up for a long time." "A very long time." "It's built firm and solid." "It has to be, because of its tremendous forward thrust." "And when this baby delivers its payload, devastating." " Oh, Captain." "Let's get something straight." " Please do." "I don't like you." "I don't like the way you act." "I especially don't like your immature sexual innuendoes." " I was just kidding." " The B-17 happens to be..." " the most valuable strategic air bomber..." " Damn it!" " When I went to flight school, we were taught to secure these." " in the United States Air Corps." "I didn't know you went to flight school." "I only logged in a couple of hours in a little Beechcraft Trainer... before I got kicked out- upstairs to become the General's aide." " But can you fly the B-17?" " B-17?" " Can you fly the B-25?" " A plane's a plane." " Can you fly the 24 Liberator?" " Propeller and four wings." "Can you fly the 38 Lightning?" "You can fly one, you can fly them all." "Sure, I could fly the 17." "I'm sorry, Captain." "I didn't realize you had a serious interest in strategic bombers." "Donna, my interest is very strategic." "How would you like me to show you the cockpit?" "First let me say the possibility of the Japs bombing us is, at best, remote." "However, we're installing antiaircraft batteries all over town." "In addition, we have a vast network of civil defense volunteer aircraft spotters... keeping a constant vigil." "They report their sightings directly to interceptor Command Headquarters." "In the event of a sighting that cannot be immediately identified by Headquarters, we go to a condition yellow as a precaution." "The aircraft maintains its position and attempts to identify it fail, we go to a condition blue." "The situation persists, we cannot establish radio contact, we go to a red alert." "During a red alert, air raid sirens will sound." "All lights must be turned out." "Searchlights will scan the skies for enemy aircraft." "Gun crews will be at ready." "I hope." "Clear the props!" "Boost pump on." "Energize." "Engage." "Ignition!" "Are we cleared for takeoff?" "B-17, two, seven, one." "Cleared for takeoff on runway one-eight." "Winds from the southwest." " You want the stick?" " Yes, yes, yes." "Give it to me." "All right." "Now." "We are rolling." "We're rolling down that runway... faster and faster." " I don't feel any thrust." " Don't worry." "You will!" "You will." "All right, all right." "Max power!" "We're past the point of rejection." " Get your nose up!" "Pull back on that stick!" " Oh, very good." "Landing gear up." "And now we're leveling off at 20,000 feet." "Turn the wheel to the right." "Good." "We're at 20,000 feet." "Ow!" " What's that?" " Nothing." "It was a little turbulence." "We hit an air pocket." "Nothing to worry about." "Objectives in sight." "We peer down the bomb sight." "We're on target." "We open the bomb bay doors." "We are getting closer and closer." "We are approaching target." "You're almost there." "Here we go, Donna." "Here we go." " Bombs away." "Who's playing in the cockpit?" "Goddamn it!" " Mission scrubbed." " Oh, Donna!" "Sorry to have to bail out, Loomis, but it just won't work on the ground." "I tried it in the simulator once." "It was no good there either." "We've got to be airborne." "But, Donna, listen." "We'll try a different flight plan." "We are dive-bombing Tokyo." "I'd like to say one final word about bombs." "The eventuality of an air raid on this city is highly unlikely." "Oh, Donna." "You can't do this to me." "You don't know what I've been through today." "Loomis, my father was a drill sergeant in the Marine Corps." "He taught me how to defend myself." "Now, leave me alone." "Donna, please" "As long as I am here, I can assure you, there will be no bombs dropped here." "We think we've located Captain Birkhead, sir." " Okay, okay." "Bye!" "See you later!" "Bye- bye!" "Maxine, I don't know why I ever listen to you." "I can't do this to Wally." "You know he's been waiting a long time for this." " He's even learning how to dance." " Forget about Wally." "Think of all those soldiers and sailors we'll be dancing with tonight." " I can't forget about Wally." "What are you gonna do?" "Turn your back on those brave men in uniform... so you can dance with some criminal?" "Wally is not a criminal." "He's just" " He's just original" " He stole your father's car." "That's really original." " Wally?" "What are you doing here?" " Betty?" "Oh, my God." "If my father catches you here, he'll kill you." "I paid my debt to society." "Your father has a brand-new auto, a new garage." "Did the fire insurance pay for all this?" "My dad it can't possibly cover what he's gonna do to you if he sees you again." "I had to show you the new set of drapes I picked up for the dance this evening." "Look at this." "A wreath pleat, a stuffed cuff and a wreath sleeve." "Snazzy, huh?" " Watch these new steps!" " I have to talk to you." " Would you listen?" " You can forget about the dance tonight." "They won't let you near the place dressed like that." "It's a USO club now for servicemen only." " And we're hostesses." " What do you mean, "hostesses"?" " That like a waitress?" " It means we can only dance with servicemen." " Real men." " What do you mean?" "You joined some organization that tells you who you can and can't dance with?" "You're talking about the USO!" "Where does that leave us, Betty?" "Look, I know you don't owe me anything." "But I've been lookin' forward to this night for a long, long time." " What am I supposed to do?" " Get a uniform." "This is my uniform!" "I'm an American too, and there's a lot of things I have to do." "I have to do my part, Wally." "There's a lot of lonely servicemen out there." " I don't want to see them stuck on some German" " Bayonet." "Do you wanna go with me tonight?" "Yes or no?" " Yes." " Betty." "Think about those guys." "I mean, no." "I mean, yes." "The hairy chests and the hairy arms" "I don't know!" "I don't know!" "You're gettin' me confused." "I'm just confused." "Oh, okay." "Okay." "Wait." "Look." "I'll meet ya in front of the dance hall at 8:00." "If they won't let me in, we can go see a movie." "Okay?" "There's that new Walt Disney cartoon playing' around." "Dumbo!" "Oh, my God." "Here comes my father." "And he's got a gun!" " Quick, Wally." "Go out the garage door." "I'll stall him." "Come on!" "Oh!" "Hello?" "Come on!" " Hi, Dad." " Hi." "How are you?" " Dad, I'd like you to meet my friend." " Hi!" "It won't open!" "Dad, Dad, I joined the USO." "Yes, I know." "You told me, dear." "We all got to do what we can." "Aha!" "Shit." "I didn't hear any gunshots." "He must have got away." "What's that rug- That's my hat!" "Gus, Gus, wait 'til they step on it." "That's my brand-new hat." "Surrender!" " Macey Douglas, what is the meaning of this?" " What is this?" "Jap trap." "We're gonna cover it over with sticks and stuff." "Dad says when the Japs sneak up, they'll fall in." "I'm going to kill you." "Wait 'til I get out of here, I'm gonna murder you!" "You dug your own grave." "Ward Douglas." " Wow!" "Look what we're getting." "I will not have guns in this house." " Uh, excuse us, ma'am." " Heads up!" " Hello?" "Sorry, ma'am." "Our gun kind of got away on us there." " All right, move it back!" "Come on!" " Shit!" "Oh, sorry." "Come on, move it out!" "Back it up, ya foul-ups." "Let's go, Reese." "Move it out easy now." "Come on, Foley." "Get in here and push." " Gee whiz." " Corporal Sitarski, get on that wheel." "Come on!" "All right." "Sitarski, lock it up!" " Ow!" " Watch yourself." "Attention, Foley, Sitarski, Reese, let's go!" "Fall in on the double." "Hustle, hustle!" "Oh, my God!" "My roses!" "Ten-hut!" "At ease." "Sir, Sergeant Frank Tree, United States Army Tenth Armored Division." "Mr. Ward Herbert Douglas, 1313 Pelican Way?" "Yes." "Uh-huh." "The Coast Artillery Command has determined your property... to be strategically advantageous for the installation... of an enemy aircraft defense battery." "What?" "We want to put this 40 millimeter antiaircraft gun in your yard, sir." "Joan, they want to put this gun in our yard." "No." "Absolutely not." "I refuse to let you... bring the war into my own front yard." "Joan." "Joan dearest." "Uh" "That's the point, isn't it?" "Whose front yard is this?" "Is it Tojo's front yard?" "is it Hirohito's front yard?" "No." "It's my front yard." "It was bought and paid for in the free marketplace." "I am going to defend it." "Then join the Civilian Defense." "You could become a block warden." "I'm not going to run around like Angelo Scioli with a whistle and flashlight, hollering, "Lights out."" "Calma!" "After the war, I'll turn it back to a car." " Right now it's a tank for the Civil Defense." " Angelo." "You promised me a lawn chair on the beach... in front of Ward's house with binoculars." "That was originally." "You still got a chair." "You still got binoculars." "Only now you're on top of the ferris wheel in the amusement park." "You don't understand." "I've got a little problem." "I'm afraid of heights." "Yeah, yeah." "Can't look down from high up." "What do you call that?" "Hydrophobia?" " Acrophobia." " No problem." "Won't bother ya." "You never look down." "You just look up." "You sit on top of the ferris wheel with your binoculars spotting aircraft." " You never look down." "Up, up, up" " Who's with me?" " Oh, I got a wonderful guy." "Very simpatico." " Good man?" "Calm, cool, collected, balanced." " He knows all about heights?" "An expert?" "This person is an expert about everything." "Calma." "That's not defense, Joan." "This is defense." " Ward, I have to talk" " Sir, ma'am, please." "Let's not fight." "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's seeing Americans fighting Americans." "If you let them keep that gun in our yard, our home will be a target." "Joan, we're all targets in this war." "At least we will be able to shoot back." " How do I work this thing, Sergeant?" " You shouldn't touch it." "There will be a gunnery crew here on Monday to man the ordnance." " Monday?" " Yes, sir." " Where will they go to the bathroom?" " Oh." "Remember I saw him first." "He's mine." "I will not allow you to bring the war into my front yard." "Hello, hello, hello." "Sitarski!" "Quit goldbrickin'!" "Go in that garage, find a cement block and stabilize that ordnance." " Move it!" " Yes, sir!" " You heard your boss." "Put me down." " Anything you say, doll." " Come on, get the lead out!" "Move, move, move!" " Yes, sir!" "Sergeant, there's no way this gun can go off by itself, is there?" "Actually, I'm a motor pool maintenance sergeant." "I don't know too much about the gunnery stuff." "However, I can tell you this material is a 40 millimeter automatic gun... effective against low-flying aerial targets." "The gun will displace a 1.96 pound, high- explosive armor" "Count to ten." "One, two" "How can we make sure that the gun doesn't go off?" "The upper part of the gun carriage is capable of... a full 360 degree traverse with a maximum barrel elevation of 90 degrees." "This is a cement block." "Projectile at 2,960 feet per second" " Don't they teach you manners in the Army?" " You're right." "I'm sorry." "I'm Corporal Chuck Sitarski, United States Army." "But, uh, my good friends call me Stretch." "How are ya?" "Aw, look, I'm sorry I dropped you in that hole." "Listen, you got a little thing in your hair" "I'll tell you what." "If it makes you feel any better, why don't you haul off and slug me?" " Plant one right here on my kisser." " I don't want to hit you." " Make a fist." " All right." "You shouldn't touch the ordnance at all." "But more specifically, you should never pull this hand-operating lever..." " to the rear." " Never." "Do not push a clip of ammunition down into the feed rollers here." " You would never put the ammunition" " No, sir." "Never." "You never restore this lever to firing position." "Do not make sure that this cover is completely closed." "Never depress operator's foot triggers here, here..." " and at the rear here." " Never." "If an ordinary Joe like me... went to one of those fancy USO dances, and he saw an awful pretty girl like you, and" "And he wanted to ask her to dance," " you think maybe she'd, uh, say, uh" " Yes?" " Yeah." "Don't listen to that jerk!" "You!" " You!" " You." "You... have a really serious wardrobe problem, kid." "It's isn't fair!" "No!" "No!" "Put me down!" "No!" "No!" "No, no, no, no, no!" "I'm gonna be there at 8:00 in front of the Crystal Ballroom." "I'll meet you there!" " No, you won't!" " Yes, I will!" "No, you won't." "Holly... wood" " Hollywood." "Hollywood" "Tsk." "Pinewood." "Cheese!" " Cheese!" " Okay." "# Bring on your tough hoss #" "# You never had one #" "# That would set me to guessing' or- #" "# Bother me none #" "# You've got that right That's one thing I can do #" "# Says I got one That's a bad one to bust #" "# He's been throwin' good riders He's- # Whoa!" "Hey!" "Well, it's kind of skinny around the bottom, but what the heck." "Well, I'll be doggoned." "Where'd you little bastards come from?" "Thought you could hide from old Holly, didn't ya?" "Doggone it." "You get smaller every year." "Oh, shoot!" "Fire, fire, fire!" "Now, that's a nice one right there." "Yes, sir, that one there." "I'm gonna have to try that again." "Whoa!" "Jesus palomino!" "Walkin' trees!" "Holly... wood." "Hollywood." "Hollywood!" "Banzai!" "Banzai!" "Uh-huh." "I'm lost." "Uh-oh." "Uh-oh." "Oooh!" " Huh?" "Oh." "Ah." "# The stars at night are big and bright #" "# Deep in the heart of Texas #" "Starved." "Can opener!" "Ha-ha!" "Ho-ho!" "Ha-ha!" "Does that gun work?" "You ain't gonna shoot nobody, are ya?" "You ought to get some oil on that thing." "You shouldn't leave it setting' out." " Down there?" "What is it?" "A Winchester?" "That's what I got, a Winchester." "Lever action, shoots like a house on fire." "You ought to try to pick one up- Don't go stepping on me." "Ought to try to pick one up while you're over here." "Damn good gun." "Ah!" "You sneaky little bastards ain't gettin' doodily shit outta me, except maybe my name, rank and social security number." "Wood, Hollis P. Lumberjack." "Social security: 1-0-6... 4-3... 2-1-8-5." "Where Hollywood?" " Right here." " What?" "You're lookin' at him." " Who?" " Hollis Wood." "Where?" "I'm right here." "Shoot." "Can't ya understand plain English?" " Hollywood?" " Huh?" " Where?" " Here!" "Look." "Where Hollywood?" "North?" "South?" "Oh." "You want me to tell you where Hollywood is." "Well, shoot." "That's easy." "Hollywood is right" "Oh, no, you don't." "You thought you was gonna get me to show you where Hollywood was, didn't ya?" "Tried to sneak up on me like ya did Pearl Harbor!" "Bet you're gonna bomb John Wayne's house, ain't ya?" " John Wayne-o?" " I knew it!" "I knew it." "I ain't gonna tell ya one stinkin' thing." "You can torture me, do anything you want to." "Jesus palomino." "A Nazi!" "I knew it!" "You're all in cahoots!" "Let me tell you something, Mr. Heinie Kraut," "I fought your kind in the great war." "And we kicked the livin' shit outta ya." "# Over there, over there #" "# Send the word Send the word over there #" " # That the Yanks are comin' The Huns are runnin' #" "Hey!" "What do ya go tearin' up my radio for?" "What's the big idea?" "All right." "Go ahead and search me if you want to." "One genuine American jackrabbit foot." "One authentic early American hari- kari knife." "Pass it around, boys." "Maybe somebody's got a use for it." "One ten-cent box of delicious, nutritious, caramel-coated Popperjacks." "Doggone it, this is my stuff." "Compass." "Banzai, my balls" "Let's see you try and find Hollywood now, you scrawny little" " Hey, boy, watch that knife." "Prune juice." "Oh, no, you don't!" "Aah!" "Oh, boy, rides!" " It'll be okay." "Don't worry." " I don't know, Angelo." " What if my nose bleeds?" " Use a handkerchief." "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." "A ferris wheel." "I love ferris wheels." "Do we get to ride this all night?" "Just to the end of the shift." "We don't have to pay for this, do we?" "We're working for the government now." "Don't worry, Herb." "You don't pay for nothin'." "Is that where you turn it on?" "I always wanted to work one of these babies." ""Warning:" "Do not... turn on switch."" "Ow!" "Hey!" "Don't touch that." "These are the master control switches." "You fool around with them, you turn on the whole amusement park." " I love ferris wheels." " Relax, Claude." "Everything's gonna be all right." "Here's what you gotta do." "If you hear or see any airplanes, you pick up the phone, you yell, "Army flash!"" " You got a direct line to the Interceptor Command." " Hey!" "Then you tell them exactly what ya saw and where." "Here." "You know my problem with heights." "I don't want to be stuck up there with him." "Jesus Christ, Angelo." "They gave him a gun." "Don't worry." "He got a license." "He's an expert shot." "Don't worry." "Try to adjust to him." " To know him is to love him." " Ow!" "Don't worry." "You'll both be compatible." "If not, I'll get you a replacement." "Just sit down, Claude." "Remember, you're both very vital to Civil Defense." "Safety bar?" "We don't need no safety bar." "What happens if we have to jump?" "You keep the safety bar locked at all times." "And remember, don't act up, Herbie, like you did last summer." "No standing up and no rocking." "You mean this thing rocks?" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Don't worry." "You're perfectly safe." "Like a baby in its mother's arms." "You got nothin' to worry about." "I once swung around in one of these things 180 degrees and I didn't get hurt." "No, sir, buddy." "There's no way you can get killed in one of these, unless you really try." "Like this one guy I knew." "He committed suicide." "He just stood up and did a swan dive straight down." "Sit down, please." "Just stay seated, please." "Don't look down, Claude." "You'll be all right." "Up, up, up." "I'll be back to pick you up after your shift." "Ciao." "Hey, this grapefruit's rotten." "I'm gonna throw it away." "Is it all right with you?" "All right, I'm gonna throw it away." "Here it goes." "It's going." "It's going." "It's going." "It's going." "Going." "It's going." "It's going." "Too bad I forgot to time it." "If I'd timed it, I would have known how long it took to hit the ground." "Because objects fall at 32 feet per second." "Would you just shut up about heights?" "I don't want to hear another word about heights." " Boy, I sure hope the wind starts" " Just shut up!" "Now don't say another word." "Scared of heights, huh?" "Ha, ha, ha!" "Me too." "You ain't gettin' shit outta me." "I've been constipated all week and there ain't a damn thing you can do." "Now wait a minute, General!" "I'm doin' the best I can." "You gotta tell these guys that I gotta have more privacy." "How in the hell do you expect a guy to take a bowel movement... with a bunch of buffalo rifles a-pointin' at 'im?" "I have enough problems just pissin' in a public restroom." " Hmph!" " Ahh!" " Huh?" "All right, you!" " Get outta my way!" " God bless America!" " Hey!" "Let go of my foot, you son of a bitch you!" "Which way's the damn beach?" "Oh, shit!" "Detail, assume defense positions on the double!" " All right, move!" "Clear all civilians outta here!" "No civilians tonight." "Get 'em back." "Get 'em out there." "Keep 'em back." "Ah." "Dumbo." "Sure be good to get my mind off things for a while." "Come on, I don't want to miss Dumbo." "General Stilwell, sir, an urgent message from Barstow!" " From Colonel Maddox, son?" " Sir, they're worried about an invasion." "Christ, I thought I told Maddox to hold his position." "Birkhead, see what he wants." "I'm sorry, sir." "My orders are to give these directly to you." ""Request relief column." "Invasion imminent." "Murderers parachuting in from the skies."" "Son, are these Jap murderers or Kraut murderers?" "The colonel didn't specify, sir." "You seen these murderers, son?" "Um, no, sir." "But Colonel Maddox has seen lights in the hills after dark." "This leads the colonel to believe they're being dropped in at night, sir." "You know, son," "Colonel Maddox is mad." "He is?" "I'm getting that old sinking feeling." "Excuse me, General, but since it's a bombing range, don't you think Colonel Maddox would have some planes there, sir?" "Some airplanes." "Yeah, well, he might have a few planes there." "So what?" "Well, I seem to recall a huge stockpile of bombs, sir." "Stock" " I'm missing the movie." "I'm missing the movie!" "Considering Maddox's state of mind, there's no telling what he might do." "I thought it might be wise if I take a jaunt out there... and see if I can't appease the girl- uh, the colonel, sir." "With your permission, of course." "Take my car, go out there and keep that maniac at bay." " And don't let him get his hands on an airplane." " Yes, sir!" "Sir, I'm going to take a rain check on the movie." "I've got a splitting headache." "I'm sorry about your headache." "Can I call a car for you?" " No, sir, I think I can persuade Capt. Birkhead to give me" " Can I have my ticket?" "Loomis, use your head." "Everybody knows you flunked out of flight school." "Trust me, it'll never get that far." " Whoa!" "If we don't paint the windows, these lights will shine over the water 30, 40 miles." "You know, we could get new curtains." "I wouldn't mind that." "That nice soldier said we could get blackout curtains at Sears Roebuck." "I wouldn't mind redoing this whole room." "Since Mama died I wouldn't mind redoing the whole house." "Knock down a few walls." "What do you think?" "Somebody should do something." " Macey Douglas, will you please take your gas mask off!" " You know that is no way to eat your soup!" "But Mom, he likes it that way." " The lima beans can get through." " Ward." " Mom?" "Dad?" "I'm leaving now." " Green pig." " Have a good time." " Betty, just a minute, um" " Look at you." " Come in the living room." "Let's" " Let's have a little talk." " Don't ever do this again." "We've never really had a- a talk, have we, Betty?" "A father-daughter kind of a talk." "Betty, you know, I'm too old to be in this war." "The boys, Macey, the others, they're too young." "It's up to you." "I don't know what they told you at the USO, but you're going to be meeting a lot of strange... men." "Men in uniform." "Boys a long way from home." "Lonely, desperate." "They really have one thing on their minds." "Show 'em a good time." "All right, you lovers!" "You can quit gettin' all dolled up." "We're not goin' to any dance." " What?" " We've just been posted on combat readiness." " Combat readiness?" " We gotta play wet nurse to Lulabelle tonight." "Combat readiness?" "Sarge, this is Hollywood!" "Hollywood, is it, Foley?" "I guess they didn't tell you Lana Turner's coming by... to keep us all company tonight." "Where's Sitarski?" "That goldbrick!" "If he went AWOL, I'll ream his ass!" "Hey, Sitarski, you meatball!" " This here right here." "I want that there bunk right there by the door!" "I don't want none of them Asian enemies sneakin' up on me... while I'm in here asleep!" "My name is Ogden Johnson Jones." "I ain't gonna enjoy it here, but I got orders that say I's supposed to be here." "And orders is orders." "Is there anybody in here that don't like it?" "Gimme a jar of that white stencil paint." "Now then, Ogden, I know you're gonna like it here." "There's a few rules you gotta abide by." "For example, down here, sir, you'll notice... this white line, which is the Mason-Dixon line." "That is the north; this is the south." "Don't ever cross over there." "Well, I'm from Tennessee and I'm goin' home to visit my relatives." "That's always nice, but this is Mississippi." "Don't ever cross there." " Yeah?" "Well, I wanna pick magnolia flowers." " Oh-ho!" "Magnolias, you say." "Well, you wouldn't dare cross the Mexican border, would you?" " Well, hola and a si, si, si to you." " Ah, I knows!" "Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!" "White flag." "I surrender." "Bye- bye." " It never fails, you know." "Those guys are idiots." " Aaaah!" " Hey, what's happenin'?" " Wally!" " Wally!" " What?" " Hey." " They won't let nobody in without no uniform." " Seen Betty in there?" "We only been here ten minutes." " Go get 'em, Wally!" "Who the hell are you supposed to be, the admiral of the Hollywood navy?" " I'm lookin' for somebody." " How 'bout lookin' for a size 10 up your ass, huh?" " Say, Wally, it's time to throw some chingazos!" " Orale, Wally!" " Oh, no." " Hi." " Hi." " You know what?" "You got a lot of balls comin' here tonight." "You know why?" "'Cause when I get through with you, you ain't gonna have none left." " Hit him!" "Hit him!" " Hit the dude, Wally." "Hey." "Como esta?" "Que pasa?" " Hey." " Hey." "Listen, I'll tell you what." "Since I'm obviously interrupting something important, he's all yours." " Poor bastard." " I smell something burning." " Yeah, it smells like garbage." " Aaah!" "Aaah!" " Look, lady, I've had it up to here about my clothes!" " Aaaaah!" " Wally!" "You're on fire!" "Ooh!" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Thank you." " Break it up." "Wally!" " I have to talk to you." " Wally, do you smell garbage burning?" " Would you excuse us, sir?" " I wanna apologize for this afternoon." " We have nothing to talk about now." " Sir, we're late for the dance." "Don't go in there with him." "I know him." "I know what he's like." " Miss Douglas?" "Allow me." "# Down by the Ohio #" "# I've got the cutest sweetest oh- my- oh #" " # He's just a country boy who works around farms #" " Wally's in the street!" " # But he has his charms #" " What?" " Hey!" " You wanna dance?" " No!" " You" " You wanna dance?" " No!" "Aah!" " Look, you, it's" " Wally!" " Dennis, what the" " What are you doin'?" "That guy's a killer!" " What have you got on?" " These uniforms work like a son of a bitch!" "Come on, Dennis, let's dance!" " I don't believe it!" "You joined up?" " No!" "Wally, look." "Western Costumes." "Just two dollars." " Care for a drink, Betty?" "Gimme a couple of Cokes." " I'm not hungry." " Couple of donuts too." "Hey, you devil, how about a deviled egg?" " Oh, no, I hate eggs." " My grandmother made 'em." " Would you care to dance?" " Yes." "Excuse us, please." "Listen." "That... is my port of entry." "Believe me, walk away." "Just walk away." "I'm wa" " I'm walking away." "I'm walking." " # They're just very ordinary #" " Your donut, Betty." " # By that I mean #" " I'll get it." " # Those heartbreakers haven't a chance #" " Wanna cut a rug with me?" " Maybe have a little pick-me-up." "We could- - # With my new romance #" " # Down by the old Ohio #" " Maybe later." "# That's where I found him I've got the cutest oh-my-oh #" "Betty, I think it's getting a little crowded around here." " Why don't we go and dance?" "# And jumpin' jeepers creepers #" " # When I'm in his arms #" " That's the man for me." "# I get so oh-my-oh #" "# He is the only- #" " Aaah!" " # -me so #" " # He knows his chickens and his cabbages too #" "# He's got that oh-my-oh Oh- hi, oh-my #" "# Just wait 'til I get back to O-hi- o #" "# Baby mine #" "# Don't you cry #" "# Baby mine #" "# Dry your eyes #" "# Rest your head close to my heart #" " # Never to part, baby of- #" "It sure is dark out here, huh?" "You look out the windows, you can't see a thing." "This is just like flying at night." "It's sure a helluva lot safer than flying at night." "If I didn't know better, I'd swear we were flying." "This car feels like a plane." " Hey, what does this feel like?" " Loomis." "Forward thrust?" "Donna, doesn't that feel like forward thrust?" " You're such a child." " Yeah." "I'll tell you what." "You get me up in an airplane and then we'll talk about forward thrust." " # He knows his chickens and his cabbages too #" " What's your real name, Sal?" "# But where the dickens did he learn to "woo- woo" #" " Raoul." " I knew it." "Lipschitz." "# Just wait 'til I get back to #" "# O-hi-o #" "# You may think you've seen #" "# Lovers on the screen #" "# They're just very ordinary By that I mean #" "# Those heartbreakers haven't a chance #" " # 'Gainst my new romance #" " Betty!" " Wally!" "Betty!" " # Down by the old Ohio That's where I found him #" " Wally!" " # I've got the cutest oh-my-oh #" " Hey, come on!" "You'll never drink in here again, you drunken son of a bitch!" " # I get so oh-my-oh #" "# He is the only one who ever thrilled me so #" "They want no drunks bothering' and grabbing' em." "# He knows his chickens and his cabbages too #" " All right?" "I'm sorry." " # He's got my oh-my-oh Oh- my-oh- my #" " # Just wait 'til I get back #" " No drinking!" " # To O-hi-o #" " I'm sorry." "No!" " Ladies and gentlemen, may I please have your attention?" "Attention, please, everyone." "Listen up now, everyone." "All right." "Meyer, come on up here." " # Hey, listen #" " All right." " The jitterbug contest is about to begin." "And now I'm going to introduce our judge for the contest," "Mr. Meyer Mishkin of RKO Pictures!" " RKO Pictures!" " Meyer is an agent at RKO Pictures and he's" " Uh, talent scout." "Talent scout." "All right." "Tell them about first prize, huh?" "Uh, first prize is a seven-year contract at RKO Pictures." " Seven years!" "Did you hear that?" " Let's get outta here so these slobs can't bother us." "You wanna dance with me?" "I'm in the USO!" "I'll dance with you!" " Sailor, please!" "Let's get outta here." "I don't wanna go!" "Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to count down with me... on this momentous, tremendous, absolutely pretty..." "important occasion." " All right." " We can't go yet." "You wanna dance?" " Sure, dolly." " And..." " Ten!" " What the hell are you" " Hey!" " Nine!" "You crazy son of a bitch!" " Please. - Seven!" " Help me." " Gimme a break." " Six!" "Five!" " A what?" " Gimme a break!" "Time!" " Four!" " Please." " Three!" " Aaah!" " Two!" " Wait for me, Stretch!" "One!" "And grab your partner and take it away!" " Wait for me, Stretch!" " Wally!" " Wait a minute, Betty!" "We gotta dance!" " Ohh!" " Ahh!" " Aah!" " Aah!" "Ohh!" "Look out!" " Stretch!" "Watch it!" " Stretch!" " Ohhh!" " Who's that?" "Get awa" " Aah!" "Ooh, Stretch." "Whoa!" "Aaah!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" " Whoo!" " Whoo!" "Uh-oh." " Look at that!" "Wally!" "Hey, Wally!" "That's my best friend!" "And he's dancin'." "What's that guy's name?" "What a dancer!" " Watch it, Wally!" " Wally!" "Well, well, well." "Just the son of a bitch I'm lookin' for." "You son of a bitch!" " Wait a second!" "Wait, guys!" "Now wait a second!" "Wait!" "Are you okay?" " Stop!" "Stop!" "Ohh!" "I love you, Stretch!" "Aaah!" "Right engine, left engine." "I don't see any planes out here, Loomis." "Do you know what's gonna happen to you if there aren't any planes?" " Can you possibly imagine?" " Donna, would you just relax?" " Loomis." " Donna, I'm gonna look around." " I'll be right back." "Hello!" "Hello!" "Anybody home?" "No!" "Don't shoot!" "Don't shoot!" " Don't shoot!" "Please don't shoot!" "ldentify yourself!" "Captain Loomis Birkhead, United States Army!" "Birkhead?" "What kind of stupid name is that?" "Just stand right there." "Winowski!" "Little tall for a Jap, wouldn't you say?" "Yeah, but those Japs are sneaky bastards, sir." " You never know." " You're right." "Check him for stilts." "S-Stilts, sir?" " Do it." " Yo!" "Oww!" "Ooh!" "God!" "Son of a bitch!" "Ah, thank God, Captain." " Thank God you got through." "My troops." "Where are my troops?" " Stilwell promised me troops." " Yes, sir." " Uh, you see, w-we're a little, uh, shorthanded, sir." " Shorthanded?" " Stilwell's trying to hold L.A." " Stilwell?" "L.A.?" "Well, my God, doesn't he realize how desperate my situation is here?" "They're parachuting murderers into these hills, and now I'm getting reports of secret airstrips... hidden away in the alfalfa fields of Pomona!" "Colonel, you don't, uh" "You don't have any bombers here, do ya, sir?" "Bombers?" "If I had bombers, son," "I'd be bombing' the hell out of 'em right now!" " No planes?" "Boy, am I in trouble now." "Son, the only plane I got is that shit-on-a- shingle trainer sitting' over there." "It's fine, it's fine." "Let's go." "Sir, I happen to have a reconnaissance expert... from our intelligence office in Washington with us in the car and... with your permission, sir, we'd like to take that trainer and try to spot that enemy airfield." "Why, son, tha-that plane doesn't have any guns on it." "You're talkin' suicide." "I have no other choice." "Ladies and gentlemen, everywhere I look... soldiers are fighting sailors, sailors are fighting marines." "Directly in front of me I see a flying blond floozy." "Everywhere I look, everywhere, pure pandemonium- pandemonium!" "I'm gonna do your head jus' like ol' Brer Rabbit did to the tar baby!" "Don't you hear that radio over there?" " I'll take your head off." " Our boys are fightin' each other down there." "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's Americans fighting Americans." " Jones!" " Yes, sir." " You wanna fight in this man's army?" " Yes, sir, I wanna fight!" "Gentlemen, draw your gear and weapons and prepare to mount up." "Immediately!" "On the double!" "Let's go!" "Jones, port hatch." " What's a port hatch, Sarge?" " The back door, Ogden!" "Foley, fuel pumps, prime one." " Fuel pumps, prime one." " And two." " And two." " Fuel pumps primed." "Magnetos, spark one." " Magnetos, spark one." " And two." " All right, boost and start 'er up." "Parking brake, release." "Uh, flaps up." "Trim set." "We're ready." "Radio on." " Jesus Christ!" " What?" "This thing hasn't got a radio!" "Colonel, this thing hasn't got a radio!" "What radio?" "It hasn't got a radio!" "I gotta let Interceptor Command know I'm up there!" "I don't wanna get my ass shot off!" "Hell, son, you can't call Interceptor Command!" "That plane doesn't have a radio!" "I know it doesn't have a radio!" "I know it doesn't have a radio, but I got a telephone!" "Don't worry!" "I'll call them for you!" "You got a telephone." "Okay." "Go!" "Wonderful!" "Bomb the hell out of 'em, son!" "That's it!" "Straight away, son!" "Oh, no." "Hey!" "Whoa, look out, son!" "Watch it!" "Hey!" "Take your foot off the right brake, son!" " Loomis, stop showing off." " Aaaah!" "Hey!" "Come on!" "Get down!" "Hey!" "Son!" "You're goin' the wrong way!" "Equest-ray emergency oops-tray and we're eady-ray to oll-ray." "Everybody fall in!" "And... salute!" " Full throttle, max power, past the point of rejection." " You're gonna hit the tower." " Whoa!" " Naw, we missed it." "This is S.L.P." " How do you read me?" "Interceptor Command, this is Colonel Maddox." " Hello?" "My God, we've been cut off!" "Did you ever see an elephant fly?" " Well, I seen a horsefly." " I seen a dragonfly!" " I seen a housefly." "See, I've seen all that too." "I've seen a peanut stand... and heard a rubber band." "I seen a needle that winked its eye." "# But I be done seen about ever'thing #" " # When I see an elephant fly #" " What you say, boy?" " I said, when I see an elephant fly." " Sir." " They're rioting in the streets." " Who's rioting?" " Soldiers and sailors." " I seen a polka dot railroad tie!" " And zoot suiters." " Zoot suiters?" " Yes, sir." " Sounds like a matter for the police." " Police, shore patrols, MPs." "Let them handle the riots." "I'll handle the Japanese." " That's all, Sergeant." " Yes, sir." "# And I just laughed 'til I thought I'd die #" "# But I be done seen 'bout ever'thing #" "Get outta the way." "I can't see the screen." "Down in front, you!" " Oh, relax, watch the movie." "# But I be done seen 'bout ever'thing #" "# When I see an elephant fly-y- y #" " # With the wind #" "# When I see an elephant #" " # Fly #" " Colonel Maddox!" "Aircraft approaching, sir!" "Hold your fire." "Pass it on." "Hold your fire." "Pass it on." " Hold your fire." " Hold your fire." "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Mmm." "My leg." "It won't wake up." "Come on, wake up." "Wake up, wake up!" "Ground crew!" "What form of lunatic is that?" "What kind of lunatic runs this place?" "Come on!" "Yo." "Come on, wake up, you moron." " Not now, Winowski, you stupid soda jerk." "Come on" "Huh?" "Mmm." "He's on the level, sir!" "Yaah!" " Identify yourself!" "Captain Wild Bill Kelso," "United States Army Air Corps." "Where the hell am I?" " Barstow." "Where you comin' from?" " San Francisco." "Been tracking' a Jap squadron for a day and a half." "Lost 'em somewhere over Fresno." " I'm from Olene, Illinois." " Tough shit." "You see any Japs around here?" "Hell, son, they're all over the place." "They got a secret air base down in Pomona." "That's where they're all comin' from." "Pomona." "Which way is, uh, Pomona?" "That way." "Toward L.A." " Heave!" " Aaah!" "Aaah!" "Get away!" "Go on!" "Go on!" "My name's Wild Bill Kelso, and don't you forget it." "That's the kind of talk I like to hear, boy!" "That's it!" "Lemme hear your guns!" " My guns?" " I wanna hear what they sound like." "Let me hear 'em!" "Aaaaaah!" "Aaaaah-ha-ha-ha!" "Aaah!" "Vaya con Dios, my friend!" "To Hollywood..." "and glory!" "Ha-ha-ha!" "This thing handles pretty well, even if it's not a B-17." "But... does it have much range, Loomis?" " Huh?" " I mean, do you think it'll stay up for a long time?" "Sure." "Hell, we've used less than a quarter of a tank already." "Look." "We're already over the Riverside County Reservoir." "Army flash, Army flash." "Post, Riverside County Reservoir." "Code name, Strawberry." "Three single-engine aircraft." "Three single-engine aircraft heard... five miles northeast of Strawberry, proceeding west, high altitude." " Strawberry's in sector 14." " No clearance for aircraft in 14." " I repeat, no clearance." "Request visual information." " Visual information unavailable." "Try to contact aircraft by radio." "Tangerine confirms Strawberry aircraft proceeding west." "Attention, all units!" "Condition yellow!" "I repeat, yellow alert!" "Ohh!" " What you need is a little pick-me-up." " I'll give you a" "Aaaah!" "There they are, men!" "Let's get 'em!" " Oh, no!" "Aaaah!" "Aaaaah!" "Yaaaah!" "What the hell do you people think you're doing?" "You're acting like a bunch of Tojo stooges!" "You wanna put Yamamoto in the White House?" "The Axis is crawling like a slime all over Europe." "I can't believe it!" "Americans fighting Americans!" "We got the lousy Huns to fight!" "Lima Bean reporting aircraft engines heard east, proceeding west, altitude high." " Lima Bean is sector 13." " There's no clearance on 13." " Request status on radio contact." " Negative radio contact." " Aircraft refuses to respond." " Area airport activity negative." "Go to blue." "Condition blue." " Well, ladies and gentlemen, that just about wraps up... another evening's entertainment here at the Crystal Ballroom... in downtown Los Angeles." "I hope you enjoyed tonight's program." "I'd like to thank all the Gls for helping make tonight's evening such a- a memorable occasion." "Maybe in the future we can have some Negroes come in..." " and we'll stage a race riot right here." " Wally!" "This is Sal Stewart saying, I hope you had a good time." "We're gonna be boogie- woogie-ing our way... right... across..." "the street... soon." "So stay tuned to this station." " Next week we'll be back." "Hope you had a good time." " Aaah!" "Ohh." "Ohh." "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Oh, no!" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Stretch!" "Oh, boy!" " Aah!" "Ohh!" "Hey, you!" "Make no mistake about this:" "Japs do not surrender and they don't take prisoners." "They have only one idea in mind." "Do you know what that is, sailor?" " Kill!" " No!" " That's right!" "To kill you, to kill your families!" "To kill your families, mothers, loved ones and pets..." " and keep on killing until they conquer the world!" " And when they do..." " Wally!" "you won't be able to speak your free mind or worship God in your own way." " Pardon me." " You won't be able to walk down Main Street anymore." " Stretch!" "Stretch!" " Hey, lady, what are you doin'?" " Stretch!" " Look at Santy Claus." "Isn't he cute?" " No!" " You think the Japanese believe in Santy Claus?" " No!" "Instead of turkey for Christmas dinner," " how would ya like to have raw fish heads and rice?" " No!" " You think the Krauts believe in Walt Disney?" " Yeah!" " Well, was that Mickey Mouse blitzkriegin' across France?" " No!" " Pluto in Poland?" " Oh, I'm sorry." " Or Donald Duck at Pearl Harbor?" " No!" " This time we free the world or we lose it!" "We win or die tryin'!" "Donna, wouldja lay off?" "I'm tryin' to steer!" "What's wrong?" "You're not airborne yet." "What are you talkin' about?" "Look out the window." "Of course we're airborne!" "We are, but you're not." "Post, Cauliflower, aircraft 12:00, proceeding west." "Sector 12." "They're heading for L.A." "What about visual information, sir?" "To hell with visual information." "They're Japs." "Let's go to red." " Red alert for Los Angeles." " Red alert." " We sure didn't start this war, but, by God, we're gonna finish it!" "Japs." "Japs." "This is it!" "Let's show those lousy Huns what we got!" "Prepare to mount up." "Foley, let's go." " All right, you wise "boids"!" " Now what?" " You!" " Aah!" " Hi, Stretch!" "Ward!" "What's all that noise?" "Are the Sciolis having a party?" "Colonel!" "Mmm." "Ein Amerikan." "lnvasion." "Japanese." "Joan!" "Attack!" "Yeah, Winchester." "Tell your... mother..." "Mom, Dad's got something stuck in his throat!" "What is it, dear?" "Invasion!" "Get me a spotlight down here." "Here we go." "All right, you dog asses!" "Haul in here!" "Ten-hut!" " Big brass, Sarge." " General Stilwell." " What a mess." "What a goddamn mess!" " Motor Sergeant Frank Tree..." " Bressler!" " reporting for combat duty, sir!" " Get me Interceptor Command!" " Is there a phone around here?" " In the theater, sir." " Get on it." "Sergeant!" " Yes, sir!" "Secure this area." "Give me a one-block perimeter." "Yes, sir!" "What's the plan of action, sir?" "Hold the block." "You can hold one block, can't you?" "It's quiet." "Too quiet." "Is the target in sight yet, Loomis?" "Oh, it will be, just as soon as I make it through these... hills." " Do you hear that?" "Yeah." " More thrust!" "Oh!" "Ohh!" "Ohh!" " I see the son of a bitch!" "I'm goin' in after 'im!" " Give it to me, Loomis!" " Oh, give it to me!" "Ohh!" "It's a Zero!" " I see him, I see him!" " Where?" "Keep goin', keep goin'!" "Come on!" "Keep goin'!" " I'm gonna hit the sign!" " Forget the sign." "Keep goin'." "Perfect." " Oh, my God." " I've never felt anything like that before." "You're damn right." " They think we're Japs!" "What are you guys shooting at?" "I don't know." "Whatever they're shooting at!" "Okay, let's go!" "God, am I in trouble now!" "Aaaah!" "I'm in trouble now!" "Donna!" "Oh, God, I'll be good!" "Quit fooling around!" "Donna!" "Level it off!" "# The stars at night #" "# Are big #" " # And bright #" " Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Sarge, isn't it standard procedure during an air raid to have a blackout?" " What are all these lights doin' on?" " Must be a foul-up somewhere." "We're gonna have to knock 'em out ourselves." "Advance me 60 feet, column left!" "Take up a position!" "I'm gonna douse these lights!" "There's no place like home." "Kid, you're the greatest trick foot artist I ever seen, and I seen 'em all over the world." " Just sign right here." "Seven-year contract." " Where's Betty?" " Where's Betty?" " She went out there." "Wait!" "Hey, wait!" "Whoa!" "Hey, you!" "You!" "You with the stripes!" "Be a pal and help me pick up my ammo!" "Yeah, all right!" "Thanks a lot, buddy." "Okay, forward ho!" "We're gonna draw trajectory on Dumbo!" "Look out!" "Uhh!" "Tommies!" " Sarge?" " Tommies!" "The Tommies!" " Detroit is the arsenal of democracy!" " He got knocked on the head." " He always did have a glass head." " What are we gonna do?" "You can't go out on me now, Sarge!" "I'll tell you what we're gonna do: go home, paint the scratches on this tank, put the sarge to bed and forget this night ever happened!" "I thought" "Knock out those lights, kid." "He wants me to knock out the lights." "See the mess on the streets?" "I'm not gonna take the rap for this!" "He's that tap-dancin' fry boy from this morning." " Yeah, I know, but he's wearin' the stripes." " What'll it be, Sarge?" "Right." "Let's knock out these lights!" " Ohh!" "Take that, Tojo!" "Take that!" "This... is war." "Angelo, hurry!" "My husband is crazy!" "He says he sees Japanese coming from the ocean!" "Eat lead... slant." " Has anyone in your command seen these Zeroes?" " No, but we're shooting at 'em." "Think about this: bombs!" "I don't hear any bombs!" "If they've come all the way from Asia, don't you think they'd bring a few bombs?" " I don't know, sir, but" " But nothing!" "You can't have an air raid without bombs!" "Come on!" "Fly!" " You can do it!" "Donna, don't worry about this!" "I'm gonna set this baby down if it's the last thing I do." "Aaaaah!" "Sayonara, sucker!" " Donna, are you okay?" " Where are we?" "Where's the door?" " Aaah!" " Ohh!" " Aaah!" "Eecch!" "Where are we?" " What is this stuff?" "Oh, my God, are we in trouble now." " What are you shootin' at me for?" "I'm an American!" "Can't you tell the difference?" " Holy shit, I'd better get my ass out over the ocean." "Hey, there's a Kraut on board too." "We've got the whole damn Axis here." " Hey, what're we gonna do?" " Defend our homes, Angelo!" "How do you expect to do that, Ward?" "The army gave me a gun." "I think it's high time we used it." "Yeah!" " Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello!" "Scioli doesn't answer." "Aw, Jesus Christ, it's a sub!" "Look, you guys, a Jap sub!" "Holy shit, Herb!" "The dummy's right." "Japs." "It's a full-scale invasion." "Gimme that phone!" "Japs!" "Coordinates, 1305" "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" "That's a Japanese Nakajima Type 97, or I'm a bigger dummy than he is." "Oh, my God, I'm hit." "I'm hit!" "Look at him burn!" "Oh, my God." "It's a P-40 Tomahawk." "It's one of ours." "Mayday!" "Mayday!" "Mayday!" " Hiya, doll." " Oh, God!" "No!" " Oh!" "That's my kind of girl." "It's the end of the line, kid." "No more games." " Oh!" "God!" "Put me down!" "Wally!" " Wally!" " Betty." " Let's get this heap turned around now!" "Left!" "Now!" "Wally!" "Let's go!" "Come on, let's move!" "Move!" "I can't beat you in a fair fight." "Stupid, I don't fight fair." " Neither do I." " Aah!" "Oh!" "Gee!" "Hiya, doll." "Follow that girl!" " Give that back!" " No!" "No!" "No!" " Betty!" "Betty!" "Betty!" "Wally?" "Wally!" " Oh- - My" " God!" "Ohhhh!" "Whoa-aah!" "Huh?" "Hmm." "Okay, goddamn it!" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Hmm!" "Okay, goddamn it!" " I think he's gonna jump." " Geronimo!" "Aha!" "Whoa!" "Ha-ha!" "Made it!" "Ha-ha!" "Huh?" "Oh." "I lost my plane." "My" " Sub!" "Jap sub!" "Jap sub!" "Hold on." "We'll get you outta here in a second." "Listen." "Kid." "You gotta get that sub." " What sub?" " The Jap sub." " Where?" " In the ocean, lame- o." "Offshore near some goddamn amusement park." "The Japs are at Pacific Ocean Amusement Park?" "That's next door to my parents' house!" "Kid!" "You gotta sink that sub." "Come on, Sarge." "Come on now!" "Sarge, come on!" "That's it, Sarge." "We got a nice pad for that head of yours." " That's it, Sarge." " We'll have a drink." " Real Japs?" " Nah, wooden Japs, Cheetah!" "What do you think?" "Get me outta here!" "Move it!" "Move it!" "What the hell is that?" "It appears to be an airplane, sir." "We tried to hold the block." "The plane broke through our perimeter." "Head down Hollywood Blvd." "to Highland!" " Take Highland to Pico!" "Take Pico to" "# To your left The camp is on your left #" "# The camp is on to your left The camp is on to your left #" " # Sound off Sound off #" " One, two!" "Wait, Sarge!" "Wait for me, Sarge!" "Please!" "Stop!" " What's that?" " It appears to be a large Negro, sir." " What's that?" " Salesman." " A businessman." " Accountant." " A lawyer." "I'll grease your face with those treads, you punk bastard!" " And that?" " A corporal." "Stretch!" "I love you!" "Soldier, are you the pilot of that plane?" "Yes, sir." "Captain Wild Bill Kelso, United States Army Air Corps." "I'm proud to report that I'm the first American... to shoot down a Jap plane over the continental United States." " You shot down a Jap plane?" " Yes, sir." "A Mitsubishi Zero, sir." "Got back some of that scrap metal we sold 'em." "Blew the livin' hell outta him right into the Stone Age." "We just got a report that a plane went down in the La Brea Tar Pits." "That's him!" "That's gotta be the one!" "I told you I shot him down." " Is that a Jap plane?" " They don't know." "What do you mean they don't know?" "Of course it was a Jap plane." " You don't think I'd shoot down one of our own, do ya?" " I'm not so sure." "The plane's not important." "What's important is the submarine!" "The sub!" "Submarine?" "Shot down a Jap sub too." "No, sir." "I could have, though." "I had him in my sights." "I had that bastard right where I wanted him." "But I caught it in the radiator." "He's still out there!" "What about that plane?" "There must be a pilot." "That is the craziest son of a bitch I ever saw." "How many more like him do you think are up there?" "Get outta here!" "Aw, look." "A baby wolf." "Where?" "Gus, you can get into anything." "Open up this ammunition." " Yes, sir." " Stevie, round up the neighbors." "I'm going to need help getting this gun over to where I can get a clear shot." " Macey, stay close." " Yes, sir!" "That nice soldier told you not to touch the ordnance." "Don't you think you should call the army?" "The army doesn't know what they're doing." "I can handle this." " Ward, you're acting like Errol Flynn!" " Joan, damn it!" "Shut up!" "Porca miseria!" "I just remembered." "I got two guys stuck on top of the ferris wheel." "Somebody's gotta get 'em down." "Macey, get on your bike, get over to the amusement pier." " I gotta watch you sink the sub!" " That's an order, son." " Yes, sir." " Kid, this is the key to the control box in the ferris wheel." " I know." "I know, I know." " Don't touch anything red or silver." " Yeah, I know." "I know." " Only blue." "Okay, everybody, over here!" "Get on this gun." "We gotta move it over there!" "We're sinking a Japanese sub tonight." "# The camp is on to your left #" "Hey, Betty, there's Officer Miller!" "That's the flatfoot who sent me up the river!" " They're comin' up the beach right now." "Hey, Miller, look at me!" "Wally!" "Hey, Miller, don't you know it's a blackout?" "Turn out your lights!" " How'd you like that?" " I liked it just fine." "Are you sure you wanna go through with this, Ward?" "Okay." "Okay." "Now, we do this." "Watch it!" "Oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh!" "Whoa!" "All right." "There!" "There." "Got him right in my sights." "I don't think you're gonna hit him." "I can't believe it." "Why aren't they shooting back?" "They can't see us, that's why." "Do not... push a clip of ammunition into the feed rollers here." " Son of a- - # And a steamboat #" " Oh, honey, I saw that movie." "Watch this." "Goin' my way, sister?" "Son of a bitch stole my tank." "First he gets egg on my uniform; then he steals my girl; then he steals my tank." " That's the tank I sent to get that sub." " Yeah." " Near some amusement park." " Yeah, that's right." " You know where it is?" " Yeah, sure." "Get in." " Come on!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go, goddamn it!" " Let's go!" "Turn right!" "Turn right here!" "I'm a bug!" "You should never pull this hand- operating lever to the rear." "Let's get outta here!" "Do not restore the lever to the firing position." " Do not make sure that this cover is completely closed." " Auf Wiedersehen." "Sayonara." "Lots of luck." "And never ever, under any circumstances," " should you disperse" "Never ever, under any circumsta" "Oh!" "Foot trigger!" "Whoa-oh-oh!" "I think about 150 to 200 dollars will fix that." "Did it get 'em?" "Did it get 'em?" "Close, Ward." "Close." "Let's get this back out there." "I'll" " I'll blast 'em again." "All right." " # That's how people are #" " Great, we're lost!" "Where the hell is it?" " By the ocean." " The ocean?" "That's left." " No, straight." "Right." " Straight?" " Right or straight?" " I said straight, goddamn it!" " Sayonara, sucker." " What are you doing?" " # Never get together #" "Geronimo!" " Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" " # Who's got the last laugh now #" "Hey, quit rockin' the car!" " Yeah, quit rockin' the car." " Shut up!" "I wasn't rockin' it." " Hey!" " Hey, you guys!" "I'm supposed to get you down!" " Thank Christ!" "It rolls easy once it gets started." "Just kiss it." " Don't worry, Ward." "Gentle as a baby." " There goes Dad!" " Watch out!" "Open the door!" "# I'll be home #" "# For Chri- #" " Dad!" " You're gonna wreck the whole house!" "Boys, go to your room and don't come down until I call you!" " You're ruining Christmas!" " Gliding it out!" " Ooh!" " Too much." " You wrecked the stairs!" " Which one do I pull?" " The one on the right." "No, the one on the left." "Wait!" "W-Wait!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Ooh!" "Coming back!" " Now I've got 'em!" "Ward Douglas, don't you dare... fire that gun in this hou" "Whoa!" "Boy, that was fun!" "Whew!" "Wow!" ""Warning!" "Do not..." " turn on..." " switch."" "Yeah!" " Oh, my God!" "That's the wrong switch!" "Turn off those lights, you little asshole!" " Oh, my God." " Trapped like beavers." " Hollywood." " Hollywood." "Give us this day our daily bread and deliver us from evil." "And please don't let me go to the same place he goes." " Oh, my God!" " I can't stop it!" " Ma!" "Banzai!" "Banzai!" " Good-bye, Hollywood!" " Banzai!" "Hey, are you okay?" "You all right?" "Boy, that was fun." "Can we do it again?" " You wanna do it again?" " I wanna do it again." " You really wanna do it again?" " I blew the exhaust manifold!" " There's the ocean!" "Hang a right!" " Who cares about the ocean?" "Get it off me!" " Hey, hey, hey!" "Get in the back of the tank." " Wait for me." " Betty!" " Macey!" " How's Mom and Dad?" " They're fine." " Who knows how to load this gun?" " He does." " Banzai!" "Give me that!" "Give me that!" "Give me that!" "Give me that!" "Give me that!" " What's that?" " Uh, here, hold this." "Now, Sarge, what is the loading and firing procedure... for the 75-millimeter cannon?" " There are five basic components..." " This is it." "to the new General Motors electric refrigerator." " One, a freon compressor;" " What?" " two, the freon tube; three, the power transformer" " No, no." "Sarge." "No, Sarge." "Geronimo!" "Whoa!" "It's turning!" "Look, it's pointing this way!" " Torpedo!" " Torpedo!" "Blackout!" "Blackout!" "Douse those street lights!" "Kill that theater marquee!" "I made it!" "It's me, you yellow bastards!" "Come on!" "It's me, Wild Bill Kelso!" "I know you're in there, you yellow-bellied zipperheads!" "Wally, did we get 'em?" "I think so." "She's going down." "All right!" "Hey!" "Where are ya?" "Oh, Geronimo!" "All right!" "My name is Wild Bill Kelso." "And don't you... shoot." "All right, turn this tub around." "You're taking me to Tokyo." "Anybody got a light?" "...out of a brilliant blue western sky," " foreign aircraft, flying both in large formation and singly, flew over Southern California last night..." " and drew heavy barrages of antiaircraft fire the first ever to sound over United States continental soil against an enemy invader." "No bombs were reported dropped." "Shortly before 10:00 p.m., police reported... that an airplane had been shot down into the La Brea Tar Pits." " In other parts of the city," "Fifth Column acts were reported during the air raid." " Mysterious lights were spotted in many locales." "In the Tarzana hills, Burbank police... saw a string of lights in a "V" form, pointing toward the Lockheed Aircraft plant." "All right, fall in the yard!" "Fall in the yard, men!" "Foley, Jones, Reese, Hinshaw!" "Ten-hut!" "...and immediately Army searchlights shot into the sky." "Sergeant, what happened here?" "Sir, while suppressing a riot on Hollywood Blvd." "last night with our tank," "I... was, uh, struck unconscious." "My men, however, received a report about a Japanese sub... off the Santa Monica Pier from a downed Army Air Corps captain." "They responded immediately, went to the objective and at about 2300 hours..." " they engaged the enemy." " Damage?" "Uh, the Japanese sunk both our tank and, uh, the ferris wheel, sir." "I think we hit the sub." "I saw it go down!" "You see, sir, I" " Donna!" "Donna!" "Donna!" "Not now!" "Oh, honey." " My girlfriend was there" " There was this wild man" " Is this a long story?" " Yes, sir." " Then save it." "Sir, I'd like to say something." "We've been through a lot, all of us." "We faced the enemy for the first time last night, right in our own backyards, and we came together, put our differences aside and carried on the true spirit of America." "I think no matter what happens, what sacrifices we have to face, we can carry forward like Americans." "While we're doing our repairs, I'm going to hang this wreath on my front door." "This symbol of Christmas, this symbol of peace." "I just want to remind us all that we're not going to let... a bunch of treacherous enemy killjoys... ruin our Christmas." "Boy, that's great!" "What?" " You're gonna need tanks for the Burma road, sir." "I'm just a sergeant, but I'm a great mechanic." "You know, this year wasn't the big year of the war, '41." "I think the really big year is going to be 1942." " Let go of me!" "It's gonna be a long war." "Let me go!" "Let me go!" "Oh!" "Open the door!" "Whoa-ohhh!" "That is the craziest son of a bitch I ever saw." "Torpedo!" "It was on that radio there!" "Ohhhh!" "Jesus Christ, it's a sub!" "Look, you guys, a Jap sub!" "I can't beat you in a fair fight." "Back!" "Back!" "They're rioting in the street, sir." "Whoa-aah!" "Let's get outta here!" "Hi, Stretch!" "Close, Ward." "Close." "That reminds me." "Kill them cockroaches in that flour sack." " Look at that!" "There goes Dad!" "Kill a few Krauts for me, huh?"