"You think you're e better than me?" "Cena!" "Your mouth has gotten you into trouble for the last time!" "I'm gonna shut it up for you!" "Mess him up edge!" "Kick his ass!" "****" "Oh yeah?" "I got somethin' else to tell you,edge!" "I slept with vanessa last night!" "Cena slept with edge's girlfriend!" "Oh my god,dude.This is awesome!" "I am having the best time!" "You cheated and took my belt from me!" "And now I can't hardly get work wrestling!" "You took my girl and you took myjob!" "He took his job!" "He took his jer Terkiederrrr!" "Oh sweet!" " awesome!" " *****" "Dude,that was so badass!" "Wrestling is awesome!" "This is it you guys!" "We know what are calling in lifeis now!" "Tomorrow we are signing up for wrestling class!" " Alright!" " Sweet!" "The Is this?" "Why did they have us put on long underwear?" "Wul,I guess in wrestling we're supposed to make your own outfit and then wear it over this." "Yeah that makes sense." "Alright.So did everyone settle on their wrestling names?" "I did!" "I'm the rad russian!" "I come from russia to crush yourpuny capitalist head!" "Alright boys!" "I'm really glad to see we have some new recruits interested in the fine sport of wrastling!" "Cool!" "Let's do this!" "Now,the first things we are gonna learn today are the fundamental wrastling holds." "Let's get some volunteers." "Why don't you come over here,young man." "What's your name?" " The rad russian." " What?" "You capitalist swine!" "I crush you!" "Uh,okay." "Just go ahead and get on your hands and knees." "Just down on the floor." "Hands and knees." "Okay." "Alright.And now how about you?" "Your name is?" "Triceratops!" "Uh,alright." "Come on over here.I'm gonna position you into the official wrastling starting position." "Here we go." "The Is this?" "Now just reach around him.here.good." "Dude.dude!" "Dude!" "The Are you doing?" "Get back on the floor.I'm teaching you the starting position of wrastling!" "That's not wrestling dude.That's Gay!" "Yeah.What you,a child molester?" "Where's all the cool costumesand jumping off ropes and stuff?" "not this again." "Let me guess,you just went to that stupid wwe show in denver last night!" "The wwe is not wrastling!" "That's a bunch of fake bullcrap!" "How stupid are you?" "Real wrastling,boys,is this." "Well this is Lame,dude." "Let's get the hell out of here guys." "Yeah,this guy probably wantsto take pictures of us naked." "I got half a mind to reportreport you to the police,sir!" "The wrestling takedown federation has several matches planned today!" "Alright.So here's how we'll do this,guys." "I'll come out to the ring first and then jimmy you come in and tell me you're gonna kick my ass." "Then I'm gonna say you slept with my girlfriend,and I'll charge you and do a headslap." "Sounds good.Then butters you come in as the ref all like no,no,the fight hasn't started yet, and that's when jimmy sneaks up frombehind and hits me over the headwith the foldaway chair." " Okiedoke!" " So is that when I tell you your girlfriend is a whore?" "No.Let's save the girlfriend is a whore line until after stan headbutts butters for trying to stop the fight again." "Boy wrestling sure is fun!" "Alright.We ready to try this guys?" " Yup." " Alright." "Let's start wrestling." "I'm gonna kick your ass!" "You slept with my girlfriend,hammerclaw!" "Hey!" "No!" "No,the fight hasn't started yet, no!" "Bad!" "Hey!" "Slept with my girlfriend,referee!" "In my country we don't wait for a bell mister" "Your girlfriend is a whore" " Wait for it,wait for the whore line." " Oh,right.Sorry" "You're gonna get it now,hammerclaw!" " We'll see about that!" " Now hold on!" "I am stopping the fight!" "What's going on?" "Apparently that crippled kid slept with that russian kid's girlfriend!" "Geez.They're so young!" "I'll kill you triceratops!" "You made fun of my crippled mother!" "That's because your mother betrayed my mother,juggernaut!" "You don't come to this country and make fun of it!" "And just what do you care about your pitiful country?" "I served my country!" "I fought for two years in vietnam!" "That kid was in nam?" "Man,that's incredible." "Good for you fer serving' yer country!" "Guys,check this out!" "There's this little kid from thecongo who was raised by panthers!" "Are you serious?" "Just admit it,congo!" "Admit that you lied about me to irene!" "I admit nothing!" "Maybe irene lied to you!" "That kid in the hat is havingsex with two different girls?" "Naw,that little kid from thecongo lied about one of them to try and get the kid in the hat in trouble with his wife." "They're married?" "You will have to forfeit thisfight,rad russian!" "You cannot fight until your testresults come back!" "I might have to wait for my hepatitis test, but in the meantime I have brought my comrade from mexico to wrestle against you!" "That russian kid's got hepatitis?" "Here he comes now!" "The cold blooded wrestler from mexico." "El pollo loco!" "What are you doing here,el pollo loco?" "!" "Your girlfriend doesn't even like you,stan the man." "She likes me!" "You have no idea what you're saying,juggernaut!" "Irene loves me and I'm going to marry her!" "If she wants to be with you, how about you have her tell all these people here?" "Here some comes now!" "It's bad irene!" "Let me tell you somethin',let me tell you somethin'." "It's true I love stan the man with all my heart." " But I want to be with juggernautnow." " What?" "No!" "No way!" "Naw what are ya doin?" "Stan the man loves you!" "Don't break his heart!" "If you love juggernaut,irene, then tell him what you did two years ago!" "How you killed his child!" "It's true.I was pregnant with your child and I aborted it." "Irene,no!" "Why?" "Do you know what it's like tohave an abortion at seven years old?" "Do you?" "I've had so many abortions." "I just got addicted to them." "Woa,did you hear that?" "Irene!" "You said you loved me!" "I'm not in love with you.I'm in love with abortions,don't you understand?" "I'm telling you guys,you have got to see this." "These kids ain't more than eightor nine years old and they got more problems than you can imagine." "There's this one kid, he saw his father get murdered." "And yesterday he finds the killer and it's this other kid who's an excop needless to say,he whooped his ass good." "Yup.And there's this little girl." "She's actually addicted to gettin' abortions." "Got pregnant by nearly every boythere." "You're me." "No we're tellin' you these kids are Crazy." "You gotta check it out." "You can watch'em almost everyafternoon." "It's some of the greatest wrestling' we ever seen." "It isn't real." "Don't you people understand?" "That stuff isn't real." "None of it!" "How stupid are you?" "What'ch you mean it ain't real?" "It's all made up.Fiction." "Real wrestling is a serious and respectable sport." "Why can't you people understand that that kind of wrestling isn't real?" "Mister, there's a little girlout there who's had 14 abortionsand she ain't even 10 yet." "But I guess that's just not realto you." "Son a bitch." "Look!" "Look!" "Look!" "This is wrestling this!" "Mister,you better take your gay porn and walk right outta this bar." "Holy crap,dude.There's a huge turnout tonight!" "Good thing we made those changes to the seating." "Alright.You guys let's bring it in." "I think we've really done a great job and let's just keep the energy up, *** **** have a good flow and have fun out there.**?" "Yeah!" "Let's do this!" "One,two Backyard wrestling!" "Oh,what a perfect night for fighting!" "Lo,the moon sets upon the tips of the trees and I, the man known as the rad russian, start to stir with the excitement of violence." "Only a country like yours canbreed men of such discontent,rad russian!" "But you don't know what real pain is.Pain." "Like I've known." "Abandoned when I was four years old by my parents." "Left to die in a cold and dark sewage tunnel." "Geez,I didn't know his parents did that" "I am very sorry, but I'm afraid we have to terminate youremployment here at south park elementary." "You're firing me?" "Why?" "The school board has decided to discontinue the wrestling program." "Wrestling simply involves too much adult subject matter." "Like murder and abortion." "No!" "This isn't wrastling!" "This isn't wraaastling!" "Principal victoria,just let me stay on and I can teach kids what real wrestling is!" "I'm sorry.The board has made up their minds." "You can't fire me for what these kids do!" "That isn't the only reason you're being let go." "What do you mean?" "We...found all the gay porn on your iphone,mr.Conners." "So I'm thinking we do the part about jimmy's relationship with his alcoholic father after you smash butters onto the table." "Oh,sure that works." "You guys!" "You guys listen to this!" " It's amazing!" " What,dude?" "!" "We just received a letter from the wwe." "From the professional wrestlers we saw in denver?" "!" "No way!" "Gentlemen,we have heard of your wrestling organization and are quite interested in its popularity." "The wwe is delighted to inform you that it will be sending a talent scout, president vince mcmahon, to view your wrestling event this saturday,the 24th!" "Vince mcmahon is coming to see us?" "This is our shot at making itinto the wwe, to be real wrestlers!" " Oh my god!" "Oh my god oh my god!" " We could become pro wrestlers." "I am completely freaking ouuuttt." "Ok,guys!" "Guys listen!" "We seriously have to focus here." "We have exactly three days before the scout is here to see us wrestle." "We've got to step it up and workit like never before!" "Alright.It's time to start the second act." "Let's bring the crowd back from intermission, and then improvisesome stuff for saturday!" "Yeah,no,I think congo is a great wrestler." "I just think rad russian has hisnumber." "Yeah,but rad russian has a lot of abandonment issues." "Oh,looks like intermission is over we better head back." "I left my wife today." "Walked out of the apartment without saying a word." "I ran away from my responsibilities, just I like always do." "And I,again, am alone." "Here he is!" "Hiding in the forest as I told you!" "Juggernaut!" "There is to be an ultimate smackdown this saturday!" "Are you going to run from that as well!" "I'll fight anytime anywhere!" "He don't run from fights,just from responsibilities." "What do I do?" "Juggernaut is my long lost brother, and yet congo saved my life in nam!" "It's el pollo loco!" "El pollo loooco!" "Thanks for coming,guys." "I'm sure you're wondering why I've calleled you to sizzler." "Yeah.What's this about we should writing our monologues for smackdown." "Well guys,kenny and I have been talking" "Yeah,we've been talking." "And,I mean,smackdown might be our one shot at making it into the wwe,right?" "A shot like this might never come again." " Yeah." " Well,the way we see it, we have three primary obstacles in making smackdown a great show." " ************" " Yup." "What are you talking about?" "Guys,let's face it.They can't wrestle for crap." "I mean,every time I wrestle with one of them they flub a line, or blow their monologue." "And token,he has no emotion,notiming." "He's the worst wrestler I've ever seen." "He's right." "What?" "Dude,it's really hard to do your best wrestling when you're up against token.Right?" "And butters and jimmy,I mean,they're okay, but they're never gonna make it as professional wrestlers." "Well,so then wwe will recruit us and not them." "No dude,they're gonna hurt our chances!" "They're gonna hurt our chances!" "Because we all know that withall the new material I've written is stuff those guys can't handle, and we'll suffer from it." "So what do we do?" "We gotta bring somebody else on." "Yup.We gotta bring somebody else on who can handle the more difficult roles that we wrestle against instead of those guys." "Somebody who can do the harder stuff we've written so that token, butters and jimmy can have smaller parts." "How do we find somebody who can wrestle that well?" "It's simple.We just gotta hold tryouts." "Number 17 step forward please." "You're wrestling a muslim immigrant." "You suspect he could be a terrorist and your parents died in the 9/11 attacks." "Go." "You dirty,muslim bastard!" "I don't trust you!" "And I never will!" "Do you know how it feels to loseyour parents." "No,you wouldn't,you smelly brown middle eastern piece of" "Thank you.Number 24." "You're wrestling for the right to marry mackenzie phillips but just learned that she had sex with her father." "Go." "Your father?" "Your own father?" "I don't care if you were on drugs your sick whore!" "Thank you." "That guy's a pretty good wrestler." "Yeah,yeah not bad." "Let's see.Can we get number 37 to step forward again?" "Just want to get to know you alla little better." "What can you tell us about yourself?" "Not a whole lot to tell really." "Was born in fort collins." "Started watching wrestling when I was four years old." "My father." "he liked it too." "until he died." "sometimes I think it's because of him I follow this dream." "All my life,all I ever wanted was to be a wrestler." "Fighting in the ring,winning that belt." "And so I dreamed every night that I was the undertaker, smashing skulls in,breaking arms." "Damn dude,that is some bad ass wrestling." "Yeah,this guy crushes." "It isn't fair." "All my hard work." "I'm not going to take it anymore." "That wrestling show is in for a big surprise." "I'm putting an end to this once and for all." "He's here!" "Vince mcmahon is here!" "Wow,it's really him!" "He's here.Oh my god,oh my god Oh my god, oh my god,oh my god." "Alright.Places everyone!" "Welcome to this performance of wrestling takedown federation,smackdown." "Juggernaut?" "Juggernaut." "Hey,what's going on?" "You know what's going on." "It's smackdown tonight." "Which means we might haveve to fight each other." "You shouldn't be fighting anybody." "What about your cancer?" "********Who was that?" "It's triceratops.*********" "**********" " ********* - ********" " You know what you have to do for the good of real wrestling." " ***********" "No,irene,********* ******do not abort this baby." "My body,my right." "***********" "I don't think I'll make to it the clinic." "No,you can't possibly mean that yes." "I think maybe I'll have another abortion right here,right now." "No!" "There's someone here to wrestle you,irene." "A baby you aborted many years ago survived." "He's here now." "*********" "Why did you abort me?" "Why?" "************" "You, get back in the trash condition where you belong." "What do you think?" "They are descent wrestling." "We'll check out the second act." "*************" "**********" "Excuse me." "I'm sorry,I'm afraid this area is off limits." "Oh,don't mind me." "I was just about to" "What the is this?" "Oh,how i long for the springmeadows." "*********" "********" "*******" "*************" "Now,you listen here,el pollo loco." "**********" "*********Crawl back to mexico,hammerclaw." "Only one shot." "Maximum damage." "This is all your fault,you wwe president.******" "*******" "**********" "No!" "***********" "****************" "No,no.Shut up!" "You idiots want wrestling?" "This is wrestling." "We want some real wrestlers." "This is ***********garbage." "You're ruining the good name of wrestling." "Wrestling is from ancient greasegreece." "It's in the olympics." "What the heck you care?" "Get off the mat.*******" "Why do i care?" "These kids made it so real wrestling is gone from schools." "********" "***********" " They took his job." " I know." "You want to know pain?" "Pain is dedicating your entire life to a sport, to a career andhaving it ripped away from you like a baby from its mother." "Oh,man,they took his job." "They took his job." "Lost everything." "Couldn't even afford to pay for my little retriever anymore." "Animal control came and got him." "They took his dog!" "They took his der!" "They took his der!" "I ended up on the streets stealing." "Got bust bid the police and had to spend the night in jail." "Then the inmates beat me up and fractured my jaw." "They broke his jaw!" "They broke his jaw!" "You see,I have nothing left." "Nothing!" "Not even the will to live." "That was one of the finest wrestling performances i haveever seen." "What?" "Will you not join our wrestling organization?" "I promise to make you our leading act." "You mean it?" "Come.I want to get you in rehearsals right away." "What,dude?" "Hey,what about us?" "Our show?" "Sorry.boys,You are descent wrestles, but lack the raw wrestling talent this man has." "This is all your fault,kyle." "You screwed up the second act." "Me?" "It was you.******" "Face it,his singing sunk us." "What the hell is this?" "This is garbage.Screw this.This is stupid." "Oh,don't start with me.******" "Bye!" "south park S13E10"