" So, these are getting" "Blown up a little bit tighter" "Than my comfort level is really into." " Now that all the big balloons are inflated," "We're moving into the small party balloons now" "To make chains." " And everyone's gonna focus on that." "So this team's working now." " We fixed it." "We fixed the problem." "We're gonna get liftoff." " Okay, you're good." "Yeah, we're gonna go out with three at a time." "It's like the biggest game of operation and..." " I have no idea how to start this film." "But I actually do have" "The end all figured out." "I'm going to attach 6,000 yellow balloons to myself." "And then I'm gonna take off against the blue sky." "The yellow contrasting brightly," "And that's just gonna be it." "Jubilation music, probably" "Something Sigur Ros like." "That's actually my Girlfriend Veza up there." "I, myself, turned out to be" "Too fat for takeoff," "Or, like I prefer to believe," "The balloon gas contracted" "In the freezing cold" "And threw all of our" "Math into disarray." " Get everybody else back." " Okay, I need everybody out..." "Are you okay, Veza?" " I love it." " Okay, one more time." " Well, this is actually what really happened." "Me not flying in the blue sky" "Makes a little bit more sense after all." " It would be great if you could" "Go more for height." "You're not jumping particularly high." "You're just kind of moving horizontally." " We need to take this position again." " It's like, how can we not get this shot" "With someone in the air?" " Stefan's gonna come out of the rig." " No." " Okay, I'm the director here," "I'm gonna make a decision." " One thing is that harness" "Isn't built professionally." "It is not meant for that." " Well then I go in this one." "And it's going to be dark by the time we get him off." "Hang on, hang on, hang on," "Exactly what you shouldn't be doing" "Under the pressure, under the time constraints," "And the sunset." "You should definitely not be trying to rig" "Someone else into the harness." " This is a film about me" "Trying to make myself happier." " This is exactly the shit that I'm talking about." "A number of years earlier," "I was on sabbatical in Bali." "My best friend visited from new york," "And was checking how I was spending my time." "I was pretty much making furniture," "And he looked at all of it and said, that's good enough" "But somehow, if you come back after a year" "With these couple of chairs and these ideas," "I'm not quite sure if that's all that worthwhile." "Well, this is really when the whole idea" "For the happy film came up." "I had given a talk on design and happiness many times," "And I'd always received really good feedback and" "It just seemed like a juicy" "Design problem itself, to make a proper" "Project out of it." "And it would force me to" "Research the subject properly." "After talking to many psychologists, I wrote a script." "And I made a list and a plan." "I love making a plan." "It got big." "Anything, fitted in there." "It turned out that making a film about happiness" "Was somehow like making a film about life." "Too big, just impossible." "I narrowed it down to" "My own happiness instead." "After all, on my own happiness," "I really am the world's number one expert." "The big question really is" "Can I train my mind in the same way" "That I can train my body?" "And by far, the best book I read" "Was this one by Jonathan Haidt." "So I called him up" "And he agreed to be the scientific" "Adviser for this film." " So, there are three really" "Well validated techniques" "For changing your habitual thinking." "The first technique is meditation." "You concentrate and you learn to let go" "Of thoughts that make you less happy." "Buddha said something like," "A man must train his mind" "Like an elephant tamer" "Tames an elephant." "The second technique is cognitive therapy." "It's a lot easier than meditation." "People have much higher success rates." "You catch your distorted thinking" "And you learn to correct it." "The third technique is drugs." "Like Lexapro and Prozac." "They really do change the way you think." "And they change your habitual thought patterns." " I'm going to try them all out" "For three months each." "So I should be done in 12 months." "I'm going to measure my happiness daily" "On a scale from one to 10." "I'll double-check that here and there with an MRI scan." "I'll do an EEG." "I'll keep track of my behavior every week." "And I'll tape a video diary." "And I know little about how to make a film." "So I'll ask my friend Hillman for help." "And like a proper graphic designer," "Before I did any of that," "Before shooting anything," "I started with the title sequence." "It is now may 2009." "And I would say that my overall level of well-being is," "Right now, maybe like a six." "But I've already come up from" "Maybe, like three." "I would say" "Two or three weeks ago." "I clearly did lose a lot of weight." "Most of my trousers" "Don't really fit anymore." "I mean, you see," "Even this one is..." "Fairly loose" "To say the least." "Or I can, well, it's also an advantage, I guess." "I can dress and redress so" "Much quicker in the morning." "Altogether, I just broke off a" "Long, long relationship" "With my now-ex girlfriend." "We went out for 11 years." "And I'm clearly a little bit swimming right now." "For sure, the last two months," "Even though I try to be very active." "My normal mode of" "Getting rid of problems is just to work more." "So I did quite a bit of work." "Kept..." "Tried to keep myself" "Very, very busy." " Yeah, huge fan of your guys's work," "I follow you all the time." " We used to design a lot of Cd covers." "I wanted to combine my two loves," "Design and music." "Then it turned out that designing the 28th cover" "Wasn't as much fun as designing the 1st." " Look at this Cd, look at how cool that thing is." "How slick is that?" "Very, very cool." " And then I was just trying to see" "If I could apply this language" "That I know how to speak," "Graphic design," "To something that was" "Actually much more personal." "And I found this little list in my diary" "Of things I've learned" "In my life so far." "So I chose some of them." "Designed them as well as I absolutely could." "So, there is trying to look good" "Limits my life." "Everything I do" "Always comes back" "To me." "Keeping a diary" "Supports" "Personal" "Development." "Even though my initial feeling was" "That it's fairly self-indulgent," "The reaction of the audience was fantastic." "It became this thing that's still very graphic design," "But a much more personal expression." "Look, somebody is in a good mood." " I'm so excited." " Excellent." "The reason I wanted to work with Jonathan" "Is because he deals with the whole life," "Not just some small, specialist stuff." "And at the same time, he's a true scientist." "Everything he says is backed up by proper" "Authoritative research." " The view that I came to in writing the" "Happiness hypothesis I didn't have this view" "When I started writing, but by the end of the book," "I came to the conclusion that happiness doesn't come" "From getting what you want." "Well that, everybody knows." "It doesn't come from within." "I mean, that's what the Buddhists" "And the stoics have always told us." "From within, so, you know, change yourself," "Find happiness within." "There's some truth to that," "But I think the more correct way" "To think about human happiness" "Is that happiness comes from getting the right" "Kind of relationships." "Between yourself and others," "And yourself and something larger than yourself." "Try to almost see yourself" "As though you were," "You know, a child or an animal" "That you were trying to change or shape." "And what experiences" "Can you give it that would end up just" "Making it automatically and habitually act" "In a different way." " To make your mind become strong," "You need exercise." "The exercise of the mind, this" "Is what we call meditation." " The schedule says wake up at 4:30" "And then a full program" "All the way 'til 9:15 pm." "Meditation, break, meditation, break." "Break, meditation, meditation" "With strong determination," "Meaning you're not allowed to move," "Break, lecture, break, meditation." "At 6:00 in the morning, already" "My back hurts like hell." "And at 8:00, oh, my god," "The pain is totally nuts." " This is the way to get happier." "May all beings be happy." "May all beings be happy." "May all beings be happy." "Meditation, stop." "One, two, three, four." " But the only pleasure" "That I experience now" "Comes from the time" "When the pain goes away." " One by one," "When you're calm." "May all beings" "Be happy." "Fuck." "Five, six, seven, eight." " I'm surrounded by a surprisingly mixed group." "A bunch of Jakarta housewives," "A fancy hippie." "An aging surfer dude." "An architect, designer type." "And various women between the age of 25 and 45" "At various degrees of being lost." "Everybody looks zombie-like and dour." "If I'm supposed to get happy here," "Current company does not" "Suggest a successful outcome." "Good morning, everybody." "We're going to continue our practice" "To make our harmonious mind appear." " Crazy pain," "All night long." "I'm totally ready to give up." "Seven, eight, nine, ten." "One, two, three, four, five." "Just ran into an old student of mine and" "She's joining me and her friend for dinner later on." "So..." "Lovely." "Well after failing for awhile," "I am now opening" "Up to new things." "It does feel like lots" "Of stuff is possible." "And I think even Tanya is impressed." "I'm bored." "Sunday and I'm bored." "I was reading all afternoon" "And I will do a little bit of work now," "Because I don't know, really," "What else I should do." "My Mom, whom I loved dearly," "Died this year." "She used to work in a store all her life," "And going up to people," "Making that first step really became easy" "As she got totally used to it." "I, myself, could still get much, much better at that." "This, this line and this line, same distance?" ""T" here." "I'm extremely anxious about this dance piece." "Choreographing dancers" "Is fairly far away" "From straightforward graphic design." "The "e" moves back." "It's always the same." "If I've done it before, I get bored." "If I haven't done it before, I get anxious." "A couple of years ago, Hillman had made a" "Short portrait of me." "And I immediately thought," "I could be friends with this guy." " So, I would choose the letters where it made sense." "Do you know what I mean?" " Yeah." "Unlike me, he's calm and gentle." "We make a good team." "M, yes!" "A, yes!" "K, yes!" "E, no!" "What a crazy weekend." "I spent it with Tanya in" "A hotel down south in Alila Uluwatu." "And I mean, of course, yeah," "It can't be much better." "What a lovely, lovely, lovely," "Lovely, lovely girl she is." "Sadly, she doesn't want to be filmed." "She thinks I share too much" "Private stuff with everybody." "I think I'm falling for her." "Yeah, I think I'm falling in love." "Just coming back from an incredible weekend with Tanya." "I'm really in love, and I told her so." "I'd say that if she would leave me now," "Then I'd definitely have that broken heart" "That Jonathan Haidt thought" "Would be good for the film." "There was a meditation on love and kindness." "And I meditated on" "The fact that I'm gonna die." "And I think I really" "Don't wanna just dedicate the next 20 years of my life also to design," "As I've basically been doing." "Yeah, I definitely had an insight." "The insight is that I really want kids." "It's a big deal." "That would be for me, my god..." "It's a big deal." "And I'll see how Tanya feels about this." "Crazy." "I'm in Hong Kong." "And things are amazing." "Of course, now that I'm not looking" "For a girl," "They are all over me." "Maybe like the most ever." "There was this pretty blonde girl" "Who in a second, sat on my lap." "And just to make sure" "That I actually heard her correctly," "I said, did you just offer me a trial run" "To sleep with you?" "And she said," "Well, I might have," "You have to seduce me a little bit before." "And it took, as it was," "Quite some self-discipline not to." "Crazy." "I do think I could be a good Dad." "And on the other hand," "If I would have a" "Family just for the thrill." "Oh, my god, that would be awful." "I'm not sure if she's pissed at me." "Who knows?" "It for sure would be understandable considering" "That the child issue surely is a deal-breaker for her." "I think that's more my problem" "Than it is a reflection of" "The true situation with Tanya." "But it's constantly like," "Oh, we are so different." "Oh, she is so irrational." "Oh, we have a difference of common sense." "In a very, very difficult situation with her," "Because I couldn't count on her acting rationally." "And it's difficult to get" "These thoughts out of my brain." "I mean, we are a month into it basically." "And there is already" "Serious strife." "Serious." "I'm basically" "Out of my depth." "She cried." "I'm just really sad." " It is intimacy with the ordinary conditions" "Of life that allow meditation" "To arise naturally," "And then you find yourself in meditation." "And not while I'm sitting" "In my meditation hut" "Trying, sitting still." " Yeah, well, there's the word trying." "The trying is the problem." "'Cause you're trying to get somewhere" "As if you're not somewhere." " I actually found a repeatable way" "To manufacture a happy Moment." "♪ I think I know how I feel ♪" "♪ cause I-I only play for real ♪" "♪ You should be picking me up ♪" "♪ instead you're dragging me down ♪" "♪ You're flying over my head ♪" "♪ you're landing all over town ♪" "♪ you should be picking me up ♪" "♪ instead you're dragging me down ♪" " What is it that leads to a change" "In the way that you engage with people?" "From last time we spoke," "It was clear to me that your issue" "Isn't happiness per say." "And that issues were" "Really much more about connection" "With other people, and some of the" "Warm, loving skills." "There's actually one other element here" "That we should bring" "In, is the fact that you were living" "In a foreign country." "It sounds like we have" "Not just the meditation," "But we have being in a new place." " In a place in which you don't know people," "So you're forced to be more open." "In a place that the pace of life of which" "Is much, much slower than in new york." "And in a place which is physically very beautiful," "And in a very green, natural way." "So all of these things are adding up" "To sort of suppress the sort of," "The time pressure," "You know, task-focused Stefan Sagmeister." "And bring out to the greatest" "Extent that you're capable" "Of the more warm, loving and open Stefan Sagmeister." "So it's going to be very difficult for us to figure out" "Whether the meditation played any role whatsoever." "What we're seeing here is that you're really high" "In a trait called systemizing." "And systemizing is the ability" "And skill of seeing things as systems" "Which can be graphed and manipulated." "And systemizing is at least slightly correlated" "Negatively with empathizing." "And so this is a systemizer's attempt" "To make himself more empathizing." " So, Jonathan talks in his book" "About this metaphor for" "Unconscious and the conscious minds." "The conscious mind being the tiny little rider" "On the giant elephant, the unconscious." "And the rider thinks that he can tell the elephant" "What to do and where to go." "But the elephant, of course," "Has his own sort of ideas." "And it's quite strange" "That even though we think" "That we make our decisions rationally," "If you look at a guy called George." "He doesn't quite know where to move to," "Somehow Georgia sounds best for George." "And if you have a guy called Dennis," "He doesn't know if he wants to" "Become a doctor or a teacher," "Somehow dentist sounds best to Dennis." "And Paula, unsure to marry jack or Paul." "Paul it is for Paula." "And that's the strange thing." "We think we make these decisions," "But you have data in the us" "That there are more Georges" "Who live in Georgia," "There are more Dennises" "Who become Dentists," "And there are more Paulas" "That are married to Pauls" "Than would be statistically viable." "Now, when I first saw that data I thought, you know," "These stupid Americans." "Ah, they really don't know what they're doing." "Somehow they are, you know," "Led around by their elephant." "Then I looked at my own family." "That's my Mom Karolina marrying my Dad Karl." "My Grandmother Josephine marrying my Dranddad Josef." "So, I'm still looking for that Stefanie." "So, yeah, what I normally do on Monday mornings" "Is this weekly rating thing." "I've been doing it for years and years." "It's basically 12 things that" "I'm gonna change about myself." "So, one, I've been really, really good." "Five, I've been really, really bad." "First one, don't drink alcohol, was one." "That I'm gutsy once a week." "Last week, I don't think I was very gutsy," "But I'll have to go back and check." "Okay, there was this Guggenheim gala" "Where I did go up to some people." "Not all that successful," "But at least I did." "Helping somebody, I was actually good last week." "Do something with my friends, also a two." "Flexible, I don't think I was all that flexible." "So that gets, so that will be a" "One, a two, five." "26 divided by 12." "2.1, okay, so that's not too bad." "Yeah, I think that's pretty good." "Oh, and then one that I left out here" "Because I was too embarrassed about it" "Was that I wouldn't date any girls" "That are more than 20 years younger than I am." "In weeks when I was good at these things," "When I got good marks, it's" "Always been a happy week." "And then I got bad marks," "It's been an unhappy week." "Jonathan introduced me" "To some very high end cognitive therapists." "I met up with them," "And hated them all." "Then a friend introduced me to Sheenah." "I liked her." " How are you?" "" " I'm good." "I, myself, have never been in therapy before." "Right." " I'm not sure if I'm a" "Particularly fantastic candidate" "For therapy, considering that" "For a big part of my life" "I've been fairly happy." "When I first met Sheenah I asked her," "Is it reasonable to expect" "Some change after three months?" "And she said, well, if you just talk and do nothing," "Probably not." "If you do the homework and train yourself in that," "It probably will work." "My memories of my childhood are incredibly happy." "My parents had an unbelievable marriage." "I don't remember a single fight" "Or even bad feelings in the air." " Oh, look at that." "That's a beautiful picture of you and her." "Now, you come from a very close, loving family." " Mm-hm." " There's not much history of conflict." "There wasn't much model for it growing up." " Here's something that I was thinking about," "Is that you're 49 and you've never married." " And I've found that all single people who say to me," "I can't understand why I really don't have a family," "Why is this?" "All of them tend to be passive pleasers." "Because you tend to avoid conflict." " Yes, I think that accurate." " Right." " So what would you say would be a remedy for that?" " I believe in dealing with conflict well and elegantly." "And respectfully." "It would be good practice for you to do that." " Even before I saw Sheenah," "I've been trying to get" "Better with everyday things." "Things I'm almost embarrassed" "That I need to talk about them." "Things like if I want a coffee on the street" "And I see somebody with a coffee," "Just ask that person," "Where did you get it," "Rather than finding it myself." "Or telling a taxi driver to turn the radio down" "If it bothers me." "You know, I've been known to sit in a taxi" "And just endure it." "That's perfect, thanks." "Do you have any idea of other homework" "That I could do?" " I think we should pick things that you would avoid doing." "What kind of things do you avoid doing?" "Cause I do believe in seeking discomfort" "As a great way to grow confidence." " Hi, sorry for interrupting," "But you just look fantastic." "I love your outfit," "You just look great." "That's some serious amount of" "Apples that you have there." " So I'm gonna do things" "That I normally never do." "And some, probably the most difficult one" "Is going to be to get a phone number of a girl." "Which is just gonna be terrifying," "Because I never do that on the street." "I just never do." "So just thinking about it" "Now and talking about it," "Yeah, makes me queasy" "To say the least." "Wow, I love that bag." "Excuse me, I love that bag." "I'm not getting very far with my compliments." " People are so used to being approached here." " Do you ever approach people on the street?" " No." " Me neither." " I never do." " Yeah, no, no, me neither." " This blonde?" " You want to try?" " Not really." " She looks mean." " Yeah." " Can I give you a flower?" " Oh, it's..." " no, but look, look," "It matches perfectly." " Thanks a lot, thanks a lot." " Yeah?" "Thank you." "I'm sorry, I see you're texting" "But I just have to comment on your jacket." "That is just the nicest jacket." "You absolutely look fantastic." " Yeah, yeah." " Oh, well, thank you." "I would love to get together for a cup of coffee" "At one time." " Look, and I have a flower for you." " Oh, thank you." " Excellent." " They're beautiful." " That was the first one that halfway decently worked out." "I didn't quite have the guts to further," "To really ask her for her phone number" "After she accepted, graciously, my card." "But I wouldn't, the way she reacted," "If I would actually get an email from Christie." "I would say, at least from" "A judgement of American society," "I clearly must have some" "Sort of commitment issues." "At least, if I talk to girls..." " They're going to tell you that within five minutes." " I think that I have commitment issues." "I did have, of course, a very long relationship." " You did?" "I went out with Anni for 11 years." " You did?" " Yeah." "We were friends for many, many years" "Before we started dating." "And we had a quite wonderful relationship," "But towards the end, we really sort of got" "On each others' nerves." "Mostly small things." "I could never really figure out how that happened." "Did she start to do things she never did before?" "Or am I now getting agitated about stuff I used" "To be fine with?" "And I'd say that right now," "I'm not sure if it was a" "Good idea to break it off." "But I can say this." "I of course am a big list-maker." "I have also made lists of" " Positives and negatives." " Negatives." " Yes and it was just a little bit" "More negatives than positives." "And I recently went" "Back into the diary" "And saw those lists again and..." " What did you see?" " I saw that I" "Left out a good number of" "Positives that I would see now." " Really?" "Yeah." "That there were" "Things that I didn't give her any credit for," "That she clearly would have deserved credit." "That I basically" "Took for granted." "Let's say that last pro and con list," "Done from today's point of view," "Would look radically different." "One thing that I think" "Initially took guts was the" "The opening card of the studio itself." "This was, I think, 17 years ago." "And it was just a stupid little joke." "My girlfriend at the time thought that," "Oh, I'm going to lose the one client" "By sending this out." "But there were one or two" "Other clients that followed." "So, it actually worked." "Shit, no, shit, it would have to be much higher." "Fuck." "You see, like the distance between the H" "And the a is now too big." " Okay, the one thing" "That we haven't tried," "Which would, again, take probably five, 10 minutes" "If we didn't talk to each other, at all." "Hillman was a rock star." "And I don't mean this metaphorically." "I mean he had a major label recording contract." "And he'd toured for 10 years." "And how do I know about this?" "From Wikipedia." "He, himself never really talks about it." " I would say if we're gonna do it," "I don't think there's any real point in doing it," "When we can do it with... you're gonna be right," "You're gonna be right." "But just give me like five minutes." "We won't even say anything." "Just let me see the "having" as it was before." "Where we were." "And there might" "Be some surprising new thing that happens." " Well, Sheenah thinks I should be less cautious" "In my relationships." "And I have been infatuated" "With a very private woman" "In my hometown in Austria" "For a very long time now." "And she would hate to be" "Mentioned in this film." "So I'll just call her miss private." "When I think of her, it's never sexual" "It's always about some smart thing she said" "Or some nice thing that she's done." "I'm going to Austria right now" "And let's see, maybe I finally get" "My shit together and I'll be able to tell her." "Of course, miss private came." " Miss private, yeah." " She told me that she made some decisions," "That she has to stop that safe, mousy life back home." " Oh, really?" "And I sort of looked at her and said, well," "That, uh, that sounds" "Pretty good for my cause." "Then we kissed and" "It basically went from there." "She was here in a week when new york was at its finest." "Like, you know," " Oh, I do." "It was super warm, the sun was shining every single day." "And I feel that it was" "More new york than me" "Who won her over." "New york was so much on my side." " Yeah." " - that's your rival." " Yes, yeah." " 2:00, okay, perfect." "Okay, goodbye." "He'll be here at 2:00." " Oh, excellent." "The institute for contemporary art in Philadelphia" "Invited us to create an exhibit." "I immediately thought, this could be about happiness." "The happy show." "I've been doing promotional" "Things for so long now." "This could be a great possibility" "To use the language of design" "For something more personal." "When she stayed over" "Like, for me, it was oddly friendshippy." " Really?" " Yeah." " Not passionate." " Passionate." " And oddly companionate." " Mm-hmm." " I mean, you know," "Even down to the the point" "That she smelled very familiar." "Or more particularly, she smelled like my sister." "But on the other hand it's also not so sexy." " It's not sexy at all." " This represents what it would look like" "When it's a generated" "Pedal power, okay?" " Her concern was that I'm very, very rational." "Actually, too rational for her." "And I make this whole relationship so rational." "Yeah, it's just not emotional enough for her." " And what does she exactly mean by that?" " I think what she means by it" "Is that there is probably not" "I don't know, enough gazing" "Into each others eyes." " Romance, you mean?" "If there is such a thing as passionate love," "I am not in passionate love with miss private." " So, she senses that?" " Yes." " Yes." " - yeah." "I'm trying to get like a perfect packed one." "So, the end is the test." " That looks nice too, though." "Using them like this." " Yeah, yep." " Fine, let's go for the coffees." "Yes, yeah." "Hillman is very sick." "You're okay now?" "He does not wanna talk about it." "He's been absent a lot lately," "And the whole team has been avoiding the issue." "I'm not quite sure how to bring it up." "I was missing you badly," "And missing the input badly." " I want you to be involved" "Every single step of the way." " On all things." "I'm extremely aware that the little graphic shots" "Are not gonna make the movie." "They're gonna be sweet" "Nice little things, the movie will need a story." "And it needs to be emotional." "And I think that I'm very much relying on you for that." " So miss private and I split up." " You did?" "She said, well, I think we both made up our minds." "And we clearly both knew what she was talking about." "Ultimately my guess would" "Be that that is, you know," "Just another boring fear of commitment." " I think I called it trapped," "And you called it bound." "Do you remember that?" " I think you have a big fear of being trapped" "In a conflictual situation." "And most people who avoid commitment" "Are really avoiding conflict." " It's strange, I know with people that work with me," "After 10 minutes," "No problem at all." "And I've not been somebody" "Who falls in love at first sight at all." "You have a lot of caution." " Yep." " A lot of caution about falling in love." "Maybe not about everything in life," "But certainly about falling in love." " I guess, you know, what I'm trying" "To figure out here is whether something about" "You or your strengths," "The way you live your life," "Makes it simply difficult for you to connect" "Deeply with women." " Yeah." "And that's why we call it falling." "You don't have to choose fall." "You're just walking along and you fall." "It's developing a long term companionate love relationship," "That's what's harder." " So, do you think that..." "That's the question, do you think that a long term" "Companionate relationship is possible without the" "Passion that comes up front..." " Absolutely." " It's absolutely possible." " It is possible?" " Yes." " Yeah." " Yes." "And that's the way traditional marriages often were." "You simply put the people together." "They might not love" "Each other at first," "They don't know each other." "But they can develop very," "Very deep companionate love relationships." "So, it's not that the" "Passionate love is essential." "But it is one of the greatest experiences" "And for somebody who craves peak experiences," "And strong emotions," "It is one that I would not want you to miss." " But from your point of view," "Miss private and I could actually have" "Developed a beautiful relationship" "Even though it didn't feel very passionate" " At the beginning." " Absolutely, absolutely." " Let's see that last one again." " It just ends with the plane." " I'm really trying to work more on the film" "And less on our regular commercial projects." " And then you'll think of some ideas?" " Yes." " Great." " Should we set a deadline?" " Otherwise, I'm just gonna forget." " Yeah." " Jessica has great ideas," "Knows how to execute them," "And most important of all," "Has the wherewithal" "To make them real." " Well, we could film, like, crops." " Yeah." "Even though she's super young," "She's crazily experienced." "I mean, she designed a website showing other designers" "How to design websites at 13." "I asked her if she wants to become" "A partner in the studio." "She did." " Pouring like a yellow paint or something," "And you saw the dripping." "Maybe we start with the plants." " We renamed the Studio Sagmeister and Walsh," "And designed a card announcing that." "We might need some books for you." " Okay, and I think we need about this many." " Okay." " Okay, and here we are." "Okay, guys, and start looking at me." "Look above me." "And you're just looking at each other" "As you're standing there." "Cool, okay, and now" "Switch it around." "Great, again, both looking at me." "Great." "Okay." " Oh, my god, did you tan for this, specially?" " Maybe." "♪ I have a wound ♪" "♪ that never will heal ♪" "♪ and you are ♪" "♪ the one that constantly peels ♪" "♪ The skin away ♪" "♪ each and every day ♪" "♪ why don't you please ♪" "♪ why don't you please ♪" "♪ why don't you please ♪" "♪ and I have a way ♪" "♪ of seeing these things ♪" "♪ the skin on your bones ♪" "♪ it comes deadly aloes ♪" "♪ pull it away ♪" "♪ pull it away ♪" "♪ pull it away ♪" " okay." "Okay." " Well, I felt" "It was sort of strange that" "We are making a movie on happiness" "And we having a director, a co-director," "Who is, you know, seriously ill." "How do you feel?" " Just" "Having been dealt a set of cards" "That are really difficult," "You know, and no breaks." " In some ways, I'm actually surprised" "That you still wanna be a part of it." "For all the sort of daily crap" "That documentary film making brings with it." "You know, that you don't just say, oh, no." " You know, I mean, I've got two kids." "I like to see them watch me work." "It's really gratifying." "They get to see what their Dad does." "It floats your," "Well-being, I guess." " There were times" "When I'd almost wish it would" "Be the other way around." "I mean, are you angry at all, or?" " I've done the angry thing." "So heavily." "Chairs." "Books." "All kinds of things." " What, you've thrown chairs?" " Oh, sure." "I did that." "And all it did, really," "Was scare the kids." "Just scared my wife," "And made me feel bad." " For Hillman, the" "Last year of his life" "Was not about changing," "But about trying to keep" "Everything exactly the same." "He wanted to eat ice cream with our kids." "He wanted to work on the happy film." "He wanted to lie in bed and talk." "And he wanted to have friends over for dinner." "Why should I accept death, he'd ask me," "When my life is so beautiful?" " I'm not sad enough." "I'm sad" "That I'm not sad enough." "I had a wonderful conversation with Christina." "She is so honest." "I really can learn from her." "I mean, she really goes deep." "You know, I asked her how she's doing." "And she said, well," "Tess is just thriving." "Her youngest daughter" "Is just thriving" "Since Hillman died." "What a difficult thing to admit." "And you notice that it's just," "There was so much sadness in their house," "That it's so great to" "Have that sadness lifted." "And that, if she's, later on," "I'm sure that she's gonna realize" "That she has no Dad." "And there's going to be difficulties with that." "But right now, she's thriving." "And when I said, well," "Correct me if I'm wrong but," "I would think that Hillman would be thrilled with that," "She said, oh, was" "Not quite sure," "She was sort of quiet, and" "I said, well, or not." "There's a darkness in all of us." "And an imperfection." " It only hits me now." "I miss him." "I really do." " Given the information that we've gathered" "In terms of your genetics," "I have to say that you're" "Probably the healthiest person" "That I've seen all week in my practice." "So let's talk, then, about anxiety." " If I would go into a room" "Where I don't know anybody," "I can be quite good about that" "With a little bit of a going" "Over a bump, introduce myself." "Or I can also be anxious about that." " And you don't suffer from being lonely?" " No." "No, I really don't." "And spending time by yourself" "Is okay?" " You're okay in your own company?" " Yes." " So, your anxiety levels then" " I'm a little bit afraid I'm painting this" "Picture a little bit too rosy." "I'm afraid at the end I'm not" "Gonna get anything because..." " well, we'll talk about it though." "I mean, if you were coming to me" "And reporting mild anxiety that you wanted to" "Do something about," "I wouldn't be opposed to prescribing" "Something like Lexapro" "In a low dose for you, as a trial." " Yeah." " But it has side effects." " The side effects are dry mouth, headache, GI upset," "Anxiety, insomnia..." "That's not a very good side effect to have, no?" " These are all possible side effects." "98% of the people who take Lexapro" "Feel calmer and feel better." "The other thing that happens when you first start a" "Medication like this," "Your brain is going through some changes." "Actually, your neural circuits are sort of" "Being rearranged." "If everybody knew how complicated it was" "And what these drugs do," "Probably, nobody would take them." " Yeah, this is the second day." "And I definitely had to" "Schlep myself and force myself to go running." "This is four days now of Lexapro." "And I definitely feel" "Less energetic." "I sleep more." "Today I even had blotchy skin." "There's actually absolutely" "No betterment whatsoever." "There might be one thing" "That we could alter slightly," "Rather than having to abandon" "The experiment completely." "And that would be to" "Change the medicine" "To a nighttime dose." " Oh, excellent." "Meaning that I get lame at night and lethargic," "And have the energy during the day?" " Right." " Perfect." "In all my lethargy, one wonderful thing happened" "Though and it was that" "A very wonderful interviewer came over" "To set up an interview for" "Some German arty magazine." "And..." "We just hit it off." "There was ample time to talk." "And she seems so positive." "And so, we just came" "Back onto the roof" "And stayed up" "Until the sun came up." "And I'll see her for dinner again tonight." "Okay, who are you?" " Who am I?" " What do you have to say about happiness?" " I enjoy being happy." "How I came about it is that I definitely realized" "That I'm not so much in control." "I'm happy to experience it, you know," "There might be Moments where I don't," "They're not the most" "Desirable Moments," "But at the Moment, I'm doing quite well." "So I would say bring it on." " What I loved about the book was" "That he very clearly states that in his experience," "Three things work the best." "And I am now speaking to you on drugs." "I started this regimen two weeks ago" "And I truly hated it." "And then four days ago I met a girl." "And that changed everything." "So, when you're in between drugs and girls," "No competition." "No competition." "My favorite statistics." "There's one comparing companionate love" "To passionate love." "So, clearly, I am now in the top level." "But Jonathan says that in his research," "This lasts for six months." "If you look at the whole thing" "From a 60 year perspective," "The passionate lovers look pretty silly." "It looks like a flash in the pan." "While the companionate lovers" "Are really the ones that stayed." "So, if by November, I'm not so passionate in love" "With the girl that I met five days ago," "I don't have to wonder about it, because it's natural." "Because if I would have those kind of Dopamines" "In my body for longer than six months," "It would actually be very unhealthy for me." " Like, so many people thought" "That it was a performance," "That it was not real, that I made you up" "Basically for the talk." " Like the whole thing was kind of, like, too good to be true." " I told you, I was not lying when I was telling you" "That the pharmaceutical company hired me." "It's all business, Hun." "You know, like, and I will expire in three months." " Well, I can tell you that" "I love big Pharma," "I love big Pharma." " I have to download a song from nick cave" "Called into my arms." "And I knew, wow, it's all so cheesy," "But that's gonna be our song." "I just knew." "♪ And I don't believe in the existence of angels ♪" "♪ But looking at you I wonder if that's true ♪" "♪ To each burn a candle for you ♪" "♪ To make bright and clear your path ♪" "♪ And to walk like Christ in grace and love ♪" "♪ And guide you into my arms ♪" "♪ into my arms, o lord ♪" "♪ into my arms, o lord ♪" "♪ into my arms, o lord ♪" " Happy?" "♪ Into my arms ♪" "♪ but I believe in love ♪" " I asked Veza yesterday" "If she wants to get married" "To me and she said yes." " I love the idea of committing to each other." "And being married to oneself" "And being also married to" "A partner who you truly love." "And I see that in you." "You're the first man who definitely" "Sweeps me off the ground." "And definitely takes my breath away." "And, you know, makes my" "Heart go boom, boom, boom." "Yeah." "You know, I really love you." "I really do." "So, enough now." " I love you back." " On three." "One, two." " I used to say that this is so stupid," "Expecting the girl to be great in bed," "Be kind, be intelligent," "Funny, beautiful." "The crazy thing is that she is it." "I didn't think that there was somebody" "That perfect out there." "I've never been so in love in my life." "Never." "I asked her to marry me and she said yes." "This is all after 10 days," "And this is the first woman in my life" "That I've ever asked to marry me." " Oh, my gosh." " So, it's, suddenly there is that," "Even though I never expected it." "Or at least not consciously expected it." "I think unconsciously" "Of course I wanted it." " Right." " And that's just eerie in a way." " Well, I mean, it may or may not be a coincidence" "That you met the perfect woman" "During this medication trial." "You, over the last 49 years" "Have been anxious and sort of tightly wound." "This is the first time" "You ever tried anything" "That took away that anxiety." "So maybe it's opened you up." "I'm much more sharing." "I talk much more than I normally would." "I stopped eating, I lost 15 pounds in the meantime." "I sleep very little, between three and five hours a day." "And I have incredible energy." "Like, my work is going fantastic." " Are you using more caffeine?" "Yeah, I mean, yesterday I'm sure I had 15 espressos." " 15?" " Yeah." "Can I see this on you?" " Oh, sure." " Yeah, smaller one it is." "Number six." " No, I think just espresso, just as it is." " What's this?" "You've gotta be kidding me?" " Well, let's see." " So, it's official now, yeah?" " Uh huh." " It's beautiful." " I'm having all of her birthmarks" "Tattooed on my arm." "And she's having all of mine tattooed on hers." " Okay, can you hear?" " Can you hear us?" " Are we all ready?" "I can hear us fine too." " Yeah, check, check, one, two." " Check, yep, we're good." "How do you feel about all the filming?" " Me, personally?" "Very comfortable." "I think it feels very natural to me" "Because I really wanna support Stefan's happiness," "And of course I wanna support him in his work." "And it's been a big topic for me, happiness." " Veza, you said you know" "About these three experiments." " So, we've done two of the experiments." " And here we are amidst the third." " Which I ruined, basically." " Tell me about it." "Fall out of love with you because the whole thing" "Could be a drug induced..." " Not at all." " But I've only known you the way I've known you." "How is it for you guys to see me with Stefan?" "I think this is actually interesting to ask you guys." " I've never seen Stefan as happy as he's been." "Almost recklessly happy." " Do you think that's Lexapro?" " Do I think it's Lexapro?" "This, you're concerned." " No, I'm not concerned." " I just saw it in your face a little bit." " - no." " I mean, you clearly have" "Doubts about all of this." " I'm just trying to ask the questions" "That I think you would ask" "If you were standing where I was standing." " What would you think if you heard" "Three months ago I started taking Lexapro," "I was terribly depressed for a week." "I met a woman, I fell completely in love," "And we're going to get married." " Oh, crazy." "Another person, crazy." "Me, it's different." "Because I have an immediate experience of me." "And I know how it went." "I've never been so happy." "I mean, you know, I have never had in my life," "Yeah, I probably had a day that I would say" "That was like a number 10 day," "Like a 10 out of 10." "But I've had 10 days like this in a row." " Unbelievable." "And too good to be true." " Yeah, yeah." "And as we both know, normally," "In my experience, every single time," "Too good to be true means exactly that." " Yeah, I mean, I think it's fascinating" "How you know about this concept of romantic love" "And companionate love." "And it's like you're aware scientifically of the timeline." " The only part of the rider-elephant duo that knows, is the rider." "The elephant doesn't give a shit about this," "About this knowledge." "The elephant just does what he wants." "The elephant falls in love" "Totally and crazily and" "And just goes in that direction." "The rider is just sort of sitting on top of the elephant" "Saying, oh, you know," "Are you really sure?" "You're on drugs." "And the elephant just goes." " Yeah." " So, baby, we had a fight today, no?" "In the morning or," "Yeah, I think you can call it a fight." "What do you think?" " I don't think it was a fight." "You should see me fight." " Yeah?" " No" "Yeah, we did." "And look at we are still here." " I'm about a week off drugs." "And right now I'm not doing well." " Let's hear what's been going on." " It's been not great, I have to say." "In general, when it's not been," "The outer circumstances" "Haven't been that fantastic," "I surely haven't been fantastic either." " I'm not sure that the Lexapro" "In your system" "Was really the true you." "What's going on in terms of the relationship?" " Not as ecstatic as it was." " Well, maybe it's normalizing." " Yeah, yeah." "Level of passion can continue over the long run." " I mean, that's basically what I had expected." "Yeah, I don't think that it can." " Whenever you make one of these changes," "You wanna give it a few months." "Don't be bouncing around with" "Just four or five weeks off." "You know, let your brain and body get back" "To whatever level it's gonna be" "For at least a couple of months." "And whatever you do," "Don't break up with Veza in the next few weeks." "Give it a couple of months." "Get back to your baseline" "And see how things are." " Yeah." "I thank you very, very much" "For coming and for listening." "What you see here," "They are part of a whole series" "Of maxims that I always felt was helpful" "To at least know of" "What I actually have learned" "In my life so far." "This piece itself, the way that it works is basically," "You look through the frame" "And there is a smile detection" "Software here somewhere." "So if I smile properly" "Yeah," "It actually does reward me" "By becoming colorful." "And this is a sentence that" "Came out of cognitive therapy." "The step up to it, basically, my therapist saw" "That I'm not quite ready enough for confrontation." "The elevators." "And then a freight elevator" "That opened up differently." "Press the button and it tells you what to do next." "Look, I'll show you my favorite ones here." "See the curve?" " Yes." " Most people feel" "Like a seven or an eight." "Want one?" "Put a quarter in here." "It rolls outside." "Anybody can take it in front of the museum." "And this one." "Companionate love," "Passionate love." "And you have six months." "So, passionate love does go down." "And companionate love has" "A possibility to grow." "So we'll have to transform" "It into companionate love." " No, but I already..." " but keeping some of the passion." " But I already feel companionate love with you," "From the beginning." " This is what I have to expect with you?" " Mm-hm." " Yeah?" " Mm-hm." " I think so." "I mean, I haven't been there." "No, but in the past, it's sort of like it was" "My pattern, you know?" " Roughly." " Well, then break it." " I don't think it's breakable, baby." "I think it's human." " No." " And I don't have expectations" "That it's gonna go on in that sort of passionate level forever." "And I think that that's good." " You know what the difference" "Between me and you is?" "I don't even think about it." "I'm here now." "That's the difference." " And I, of course, have to think about it" "Because, you know, I did all that." "You know, I've been dealing" "With all this research for..." " I know." " A long time now." "In general, a problem with relationships" "Is that the expectations are too high." "Or that one of the reasons why my parents" "Had such a great marriage, I think," "Is because they didn't really" "Have a lot of expectations." "They didn't know each other very well and..." " No, I see that, no, I see that." " Good." "Let's leave it there." "I'm like afraid" "To provoke more arguments." " Welcome to the sacred ceremony." "To this beautiful opportunity" "To leave our old self behind." "Your life will be in line with nature." " Veza's model friend suggested Ayahuasca." "I agreed and we tried it out together." " Your eyes." "It made no difference." "Every month we had a fight" "That went all the way to the edge, basically," "Where we broke up." " I feel like, okay, whoa," "What did I do that you're so irritated with me?" "Well, I'm just saying I want you to be happy" "With what we do and whatnot." " Oh, yeah, no, no, absolutely, yeah." " Good to know." " It's a little bit like," "And I'm really scared in a way" "That this will turn you off." "Because, you know," "I mean, simply, if you don't get along with me," "Then why would you wanna stay with me, you know?" " I think I said that wrong." "That I don't think that we don't get along." "Another big fight today." "In the morning." "Very close to the edge." "And Veza asked me afterwards" "If I still wanted to get married." "And I didn't really know what else to do," "So I made another pro and con list." "Getting married." "Pro, four points." "Against, seven points." " Such a crazy thing that we were." "Such a fantastic falling in love couple." "I mean, I've never" "Fallen so hard" "And so deeply in love." "And we are not a" "Companionate love couple." "You know, here you are." "You set off to do this science experiment." "In my office two years ago, three years ago, whatever it was," "When we were talking about this" "What was clear was that your weaknesses" "Were about interpersonal connection" "And commitment and gratitude." "And I think I even said," "You can go back and look at the footage," "I think I even said something like," "Well, it would be interesting to see" "If you fall in love during" " yeah." " Because this is where your weakness is." "And so, you did fall in love." "Three times." "And you go off and you're doing meditation," "And bang, this..." "a relationship," "Which blows out of the water any possibility" "To measure whether, okay," "That's a little bit funny." "And then you go and you do cognitive therapy," "And the same thing happens." " Yeah." " Now it gets funnier." "And a joke always has," "You know, three sections." "So the fact that it happens three times," "Stefan, this should be a movie about" "You and your weaknesses," "And your attempts to fix them." " Oh fuck, this is gonna be such a nightmare" "To figure this movie out." "I started out to get some really clear answers." "And what I got back" "Is a bunch of mush." "What have you learned" "About the causes of happiness?" "Do you have a better understanding" "Of what makes you happy?" " I didn't wanna make a film" "About questions." "And I hate all this stuff." "Oh, it's not about the answers." "It's about the right questions." "Blah, blah, blah." "Fuck." "This is a total disaster." "♪ Everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ so I'm gonna sit ♪" "♪ myself down right here ♪" "♪ and see... ♪" " Trying to look good" "Limits my life." "I know, but I'm getting getting very concerned" "About how I look in this film." "I'm a 50 year old guy who dates" "Women 20 years younger." "And calls them girls." "I just spent the past six years of my life" "Working on this thing" "That says I'm an asshole." "What a great use of my time." "I should have stuck to chairs made out of letters." " So, you chose the three techniques" "That I describe in chapter two of the book" "For changing the elephant." "But your problem wasn't the elephant." "You could just as well have chosen" "The three aspects of between." "So, what if you had worked on your relationships?" "And worked on the satisfaction" "You get from work?" "And tried to get involved" "With some sort of larger project" "In the company of people that you really like and respect?" "That would be changing the conditions of your life" "In ways that, I would predict," "Happiness would then follow" "As you got a better between." " Well, in a way," "That has been what I've been doing." "I mean, I definitely" "Worked on my relationships." "Not all that successfully, but I did." "And I have been more satisfied with my work." "The happy show was a big success." "I mean, almost a 1/4 of a million came to see it." "And this whole film project" "Surely feels larger than me." "Basically outside of my control." "Like I'm the rider and it's the elephant." "This film started as a graphic design project six years ago." "And somehow it all became about me." "I guess I could have continued designing stuff" "That I know how to do." "It would have been" "So much easier." "Trying to chase after something more meaningful" "Turned out to be a big pain in the ass." "But it also did" "Make my life fuller." "♪ Everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" " So what's the purpose," "Why am I actually here?" "I guess it would be to do something" "That either delights" "Or helps other people." "Or simply finding something" "That's bigger than myself," "And dedicate myself to it." "I'm still blowing air into balloons." "Trusting, somehow, into" "The lightness of things." "Believing it will work." "There's a shitload" "Of possibilities." "One day it will be me up there." "I will fly." "Let's go." "♪ Everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I had planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I had planned ♪" "♪ just gonna sit there ♪" "♪ sit down and write it ♪" "♪ see what happens ♪" "♪ to me ♪" "♪ if I don't do ♪" "♪ a god damn thing at all ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ so I'm gonna sit down ♪" "♪ sit down right here ♪" "♪ and see what happens ♪" "♪ to me if I don't do ♪" "♪ a god damned thing at all ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ so I'm going to sit my ♪" "♪ self down right here ♪" "♪ and see what happens ♪" "♪ to me if I don't do ♪" "♪ a god damn thing at all ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I had planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I had planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I had planned ♪" "♪ so I'm going to sit my ♪" "♪ self down right here ♪" "♪ and see what happens to me ♪" "♪ if I don't do a ♪" "♪ god damn thing at all ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I had planned ♪" "♪ everything ain't going ♪" "♪ the way I had planned ♪" "♪ so I'm gonna sit ♪" "♪ myself down right here ♪" "♪ and see what happens ♪" "♪ to me if I don't do ♪" "♪ a god damn thing at all ♪"