" Matthews, what's with the camera?" " (Cory) Well, Mr. Williams says a good newsman's always gotta have his camera ready." "You don't mind if I keep on shooting, do you?" " No, go ahead." " All right." "Hey!" " Turn that thing off, I'll let you back in." " Oh, come on, what are you hiding?" "My disdain for you." " Shawn, Shawn." " On the phone, Cor." "So, Dad, how are you gonna celebrate your birthday?" "Oh, that's great." "He's going to the dog track with President Clinton." "So, are you coming home soon?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I understand." "Oh, well, I really miss you." "Where's Shawn's dad calling from?" "He said aboard Air Force One, but I kinda have my doubts." "I heard people yelling in Spanish." "Well, I'm glad to hear you're doing so well." "What?" "Oh, you gotta go?" "Oh, the president needs the phone." "Yeltsin's on call waiting." "OK, well, I can't wait to..." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Didn't even get a chance to sing him "Happy Birthday."" "You miss him, huh?" "Oh, family's really important to the Hunters." "You know, my dad always said, "Where there's family, there's a place to hide."" "Did he say when he's coming back?" "No, but he did say he can't wait to see me." "I bet it'd make him really happy to see how well I'm doing." " Hey, well, he can." " What do you mean?" "Well, Matthews has his video camera." "You could put yourself on tape." "Yeah." "Shawn, you know, we could go down to your old trailer park and get all your relatives on tape." "I'll shoot it." "Well, Shawn, what do you say?" "Putting the Hunter family on tape." "It'd be great." "It'd be like Court TV." "Without the court." "Shawn, I got a light, camera, video." "Everything we need to film your family." "Oh, great." "Hey, Cory." "Remember when you're around my Aunt Lorena, keep your hands where she can see 'em and don't reach for anything quickly in your pocket." "Hey, Matthews." "Hey, Williams." "Comma, Mister." "Glad to see you signed out all this video equipment." "I guess you're entering that news contest Channel Five's running." "No, actually, Cory's just shooting a video for me." "Wait, wait." "What contest is this?" "Well, it's open to high-school kids all across Philly and they're running the best story on the air." " I think you got a shot." " Why, Mr. Williams, you flatter me." "You're pretty good with that camera, but you'd better get on it, it's due in two days." "Cory, what about the trailer park?" "Uh, thanks, Mr. Williams, but, you know, I already promised Shawn." "All right, it's your call, but I'm telling you, if you get inspired and win a contest like this you are on your way, my man." "Well, I hear you." "Hey, slap me some!" "You gotta be kidding." "Come along, Mr. Matthews, don't dawdle." "I'm not dawdling." "I'm just not wearing any underwear." "A little more than I needed to know." "Mr. Feeny, what are you gonna do with this junky old lamp?" "That junky old lamp is worth over $800." "Without a light bulb?" "Pshaw." "Come on, Mr. Feeny, bottom line me." "Well, I was cleaning out my attic and I stumbled on a trunk that belonged to my Great Aunt Fannie." "Fannie Feeny?" "Don't go there." "Anyway, out of curiosity, I took it to Lankershim and Sloan's." "Ah, the roofers." "No." "The appraisal house." "They invite the public to bring in their so-called junk." "Every once in a while you find a treasure." "Everyday junk worth something." "Hey, wait a second, Mr. Feeny." "Wait a second." "Hold up." "I got a great idea." "Think about it." "Your junk, my junk, we'll go into business together." "Can't you see it?" "Eric and Sons." "I can see why you get first billing." "Well, let's start with my Uncle Mike." "You'll love him." "Of all my relatives he's easily the warmest and friendliest." "(man) Get lost, scum!" "Shawn, maybe we shouldn't bother your uncle." "I think that's my aunt." "Uncle Mike, open up." "There is no Uncle Mike." "I'm an old shut-in living on my pension." " Go away!" " It's me, your nephew, Shawn." "Shawn?" "Shawny!" "Hey!" "What's with the camera?" " Shawn, you setting me up?" " No." "No, no, no, no, no, no." "Uncle Mike, do you remember that video letter I told you about?" " Well, this is my buddy, Cory." " How are you doing, Uncle Mike?" "What do you know?" " Nothing." " Then I'm doing great." "Hey, Uncle Mike, I really appreciate you doing this for me." "Hey." "I know how much family means to you, Shawny." "And besides, everybody here at the old Pink Flamingo Trailer Park is real excited about being a part of it." "Well, except for Grandpa Lewis." "Last week he got picked up." " Police?" " Tornado." "Well, Uncle Mike, why don't you call everyone together and we can get started?" "OK." "All Hunters, out now!" "(several people) We didn't do it." "That's our family motto." "And go!" "Hi, Dad, it's me, standing here with Grandma Hunter and her attorney." "Now, since Grandma's under a gag order and medication, her attorney's prepared the following statement:" ""To my alleged son Chet." "Happy birthday."" ""These loving words are in no way an admission of guilt in the trial of The People v Gertie Hunter."" "Any woman that can give birth to me is one tough broad." "Hey, Cory, thanks again for doing this." "Man, I have never seen my family open up like this." "Shawn, nobody's said anything." "Maybe the problem lies within you, outsider." "That's food for thought, sir." "I could take you." "Shawn." "Your uncle's insane." "It was an option, but he never pleaded that way." "Look, I just think the tape would be better if we got the family to, you know, talk a little more." "Hey, you want a Hunter to talk, put 'em in a situation where they're not afraid to talk." " Action!" " (distorted voices) Happy birthday, Chet, from all the Hunters here at this undisclosed location." "OK." "I'm gonna turn the camera off, all right?" "I'm not going for my pockets." "You know, Uncle Mike, Dad's really gonna get a kick out of this." "Yeah, it was nice to have the family together." "Yeah, I'll be sure to send you a copy." "Why would you make copies?" " You're a tall, tall man." " Thanks." "You know, Shawny, you got a good friend here." " Uncle Mike." " Hey." "It fell out." " So, anybody else we gotta talk to?" " No, that's pretty much everybody." "Look who's slumming." "It's Shawn." "Eddie." "I guess this is the part where you wise up and move back to the trailer park." "You know we missed you." " No, I'm real happy living where I am." " Oh, yeah." "Out in the suburbs." "Where there are fancy homes built into the ground." " Hey, built-in." " Me?" "You got a name?" "Uh, it's Cory." "But my karate students refer to me as Dr. Pain." " I could take you." " What are you?" "12?" "11." "And I can make you bark." "This is a nice camera." " It's mine." " What are you doing with it here?" "We're just filming some video of, you know, old friends and family." "And you didn't ask me to be in it?" "Should I be insulted?" " Shawn, I got plenty of tape." " Cory, no." "Look." "Eddie, I'm not bothering anybody, so why don't you and your friends just get lost?" "No." "No, no, no, no." "See, we still live here." "You don't." "So the way I see it, you and your friend Corky Dorky here should get lost." " Hey!" " Hey, what?" "Hey... what's the fastest way outta here?" " Eric, you're filthy." " Yeah, filthy rich." "Why do you have a box full of junk?" "Junk!" "You call these gambling dogs "junk?"" "Alan, take the sharp things out of that box." "All right, obviously you guys aren't gonna figure this one out by yourselves." "Obviously." "See, Mr. Feeny had goobles of old junk lying around his house." "Well, he found out some of it could be worth a ton of money." " So I said to myself, "Kyle..."" " Kyle?" "That's what I call myself." "So I said, "Kyle, you should get under this bandwagon and make some money by cleaning out that room of yours."" "Eric, Mr. Feeny's collectibles are from all over the world." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Amy, Amy, whoa, whoa." "I..." "I think Eric might be on to something here." "Hm?" "You know, the garage and the attic, it might be chock-full of undiscovered treasures." "Why don't you clean them out, see what you can find?" "Wait a minute." "Clean out the garage and the attic?" "You guys would let me?" "Whatever makes you and Kyle happy." "Yes!" "Uh, Mom, Dad, we're going over to Shawn's to watch a tape." "OK?" "Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!" "Hold up a second there, Hunter." "What have you got in that box?" "Just some junk I picked up at the trailer park." "Give you 30 bucks for that pink flamingo." "Sure." "Here you go." "You sucker." ""Hey, your house is on my lawn!"" "Shawn, sorry about that, but that guy Eddie walked through the shot." "You know, I didn't say anything seeing as how that scary little 11 year old was with him." "It's no big deal." "Hey, look." "Eddie's carrying a computer." "What do you know?" "The guy's a closet nerd." "Or maybe it's not his." "Well, if it's not his then that would mean..." "Oh, my God, it's stolen." " And I have it on tape." "This is great!" " Why is it great?" "You know, that news contest on Channel Five." "How could a story like this not win?" "We went there to film my family, not to win you some news award." "Look, Shawn, you got your video, right?" "And I got my hot story." "Look, do me a favor, OK?" "Just forget about the tape." "Oh, come on." "Give me a reason." "I don't have to." "Why don't you just drop it and go home?" "No." "I'm not going anywhere without my tape." " You want it?" " Yeah." "Fine." "Here." "Shawn, what are you doing?" "You had no right to do that!" "It's my family." "I can do whatever I want." "That's the last time I do you a favor, Hunter." "Hey, Cor, my dad called from the White House this morning." " He got to use the Oval toilet." " Look, Shawn, the only thing I want to hear from you right now is an explanation, all right?" "What, is this about the tape?" "Look, I'm sorry." "That's not an explanation." "Why did you rip up my tape?" "It just happened, OK?" "Shawn, I caught those guys on tape stealing computers, all right?" "I could have won an award or something." " Maybe I was doing you a favor." " No, no." "You know what I think, Shawn?" "I think it bothers you that I've finally found something I'm good at." "I think you should shut up and let go of me right now." "Shawn, why are you acting like I did something to you?" "I said let go of me." "Fine." "All right, let's see what you got, Hunter." "No, no." " Look, Cory, you don't want to do this." " Yeah, I do." "(girl) Fight!" "Fight!" " Hey!" "Come on!" "Come on!" " Break it up!" "Break it up!" " Get back to class now." " All of you, get back to class." "Hunter?" "Matthews?" "Did you guys know you were fighting each other?" " I'm outta here." " No, no, no, I don't think so, Shawn." "Not until somebody tells me why you guys were going at it." "What do you want me to say?" "I'm good with a camera and this guy's jealous." "Yeah, you know when I'll be jealous of you, Cory?" "When you can do this." "Hey, hey, watch it." "I can't do that either." "Look." "Mr. Williams, I've been inspired, all right?" "I want you to enter me in that news contest." "I don't think you'll have the time, Mr. Matthews." "Detention?" "Let's not call it detention." "I prefer Hooked on Feeny." "(bell)" "Well, Mr. Feeny, it was excellent detention as usual, although I wasn't thrilled with your choice of my co-detainee, but we'll have to do this again sometime." "Your reservations are confirmed for tomorrow." "Hey." "Are you really going down to the trailer park?" "Not that I care." "Yeah, that's exactly where I'm going." "Listen, Cory." "I'm telling you, don't go." "Those guys down there, they're hardcore." "You could get hurt." "Shawn, I can take care of myself, all right?" "Mr. Hunter." "This hitting thing, it's not nice." "I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated." "Does that help your frustration?" "Yeah." "Ow." " What did you do that for?" " Well, I'm frustrated too." "Why?" "I'm frustrated to see two young men throw away a friendship." "Yeah, well, the way I see it, Mr. Feeny, you don't need friends." "OK?" "Especially friends like him." "Then who do you count on, Mr. Hunter?" "Family." "Your family is always there for you." "Come on, Mr. Feeny, a guy like you with no friends, you gotta know I'm right." "I mean, you've got to have a lot of family." "Well, actually, I have very little family in Philadelphia." "Yeah?" "So what do you do on holidays and birthdays and stuff?" "I get together with a small circle of very close friends." "It's really quite nice." "We laugh, we reminisce." "We take pride in each other." "Pretty much what you've always done with Matthews." "Yeah, but it can't be the same as being with real family." "Oh, Mr. Hunter." "You don't have to be blood to be family." " Is the attic done?" " Oh, the attic and the garage." "I mean, hey!" "Boy, I robbed you guys blind." "Oh, you didn't rob anyone." "It's just junk." "We've been meaning to clean it out for years." "Junk?" "It's not junk!" "Treasures!" "Treasures, I say!" " Alan, tell him!" " Oh, OK." "Now that the house is clean." "Um..." "Lankershim's and Sloan is running a scam." "I mean, how much are they gonna charge you to appraise this stuff?" "$60." "Yeah, but see, I already had 70 in my wallet so it looks like I've already made ten bucks." "Eric, come on, let me help you haul this junk out to the trash." "Hey, ho, ho, ho!" "Take your paws off that stuff." "This is my future we're talking about here." "Oh, look, Amy." "His future is macaroni art." "All right." "Now for a little magic." "Let's make some serial numbers disappear." "This is great." "I gotta..." "I gotta get closer." "Wait." "I gotta get closer." "Too close." "What the heck is going on here?" "(fake foreign accent) No speaky." "I remember you." "You're Shawn's friend." "Yeah." "And he was filming us." "You have no idea how much trouble you're in." "Well, I-I think I have a pretty good idea, you know." "Let me see the camera." "Oh, well, now you've done it." "That is the property of John Adams High, my friend." "I'm gonna need some names and addresses." "My name is You're Dead." "And I live at the corner of Fist and Face." "Coming here was a big, big mistake." "Look, Eddie, Eddie, you made your point, all right?" "Now just let me go, OK?" " Maybe he's had enough." " Yeah." "Yeah." "The little guy's right." "Who are you calling little?" "Argh!" "I gotta stop thinking out loud." "Here's my problem." "I can't let you leave because I can't trust you." "So what do I do?" "Maybe I keep pounding your face into the ground until you forget everything that happened tonight." " Shawn." " Back off, Eddie." " Shawn, you got no business here." " Yeah, well, it looks like I do." "You touch this guy again and you've got me to deal with." " What?" "You're gonna take a swing at me?" " No." "Then what are you gonna do?" "I'll call the cops." "Let them figure it out." "Police." "You would do that to family?" "Yeah." " Shawn, what's he talking..." " Cor, just stay out of this." "Look." "Eddie, I'm serious." "I'll turn you in." "Come on, man, I'm your brother." "I'll do it if I have to." "Like you're so much better than me." "I'm on my way to be." "OK." "OK." "Go pretend." "Play hero." "But you'll be back." "This is who you are." "Just get outta here." "Ah, come on, let's go." "A brother?" " You have a brother?" " A half brother." "Sh-Shawn, what else have you been hiding?" "A wife?" "You got kids?" "Sorry, Cor." "It just didn't seem worth talking about." "So that's why you didn't want me to hand in my story." " You were protecting family." " I guess." "They broke your camera." " Sorry about that." " They didn't get the tape." "You know, Mr. Williams was right." "You are a pretty good reporter." "Take it." "It's your family." "No, no, you take it." "Go win that contest." "What about protecting your family?" "I just did." "Eddie's only blood." "You're my family." " Hey, Mom, Dad." " Uh, Eric." "About the work you did on the attic and the garage." "Your mother, being the sensitive, guilty soul that she is..." "Oh, Alan, will you stop it?" "We're gonna pay you for your work. 60 bucks." " Oh." " Amy, uh..." "You got some change?" "We need some twenties." "Wait, hang on a second." "Let me see if I can help you out." "Oh." "No can do." "Only got hundreds." "Where did you get that?" "Oh, from that scam house." "Lankershim and Sloan's." "Well, one of those boxes had an old wooden mask." "They were so impressed they gave me a few reasons why I should sell it to 'em right on the spot." " How-how many reasons?" " 4,000 reasons." "Hey, Mr. Feeny." "Mr, Feeny, look. $4,000." "I'm a millionaire." "I'm a millionaire!" "I'm sure you are." "Amy, do you remember that box you were storing for me?" "Sure." "It was in the garage." "Terrific." "I'm on my way to the appraisal." "There's an old kabuki mask in it." "I'm curious to see if I can make a few dollars off of it." "Hey, hey, Mr. Feeny," "How does $500 sound to you?" "Eric." "Here." "Just take it." "Just take it." "I'm a millionaire!" "I'm a millionaire!"