"( bell rings )" "* When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning * * l don't think I'll ever make it on time *" "* By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look * * l'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by * * lt's all right *" "* 'Cause I'm saved by the bell * * lf the teacher pops a test, I know I'm in a mess *" "* And my dog ate all my homework last night *" "* Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there * * lf l can hand it in tomorrow it'll be all right * * lt's all right *" "* 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... *" "* lt's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- * * lt's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- * * lt's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell. *" "It's Homecoming Week, and Bayside is getting ready for the big game against Valley." "I don't like to knock our team, but last year their band scored a touchdown against us." "Hey guys, you got anything here for your star quarterback?" "Life insurance." "We haven't beaten Valley in 22 years." "23, but who's counting?" "Slater, you've got to promise you'll win." "Yeah, I'm sick of hearing Valley's victory cheer." ""We won, I'm sure." "We won, get real." "Valley's the best." "Like forever's the deal."" "Well, you know, guys, we're gonna, like, totally destroy those Valley dudes, ya know." "And it's gonna be really, really gnarly." "It'll be gnarly if we sell these tiger tails." "I've got an idea. lf you attach the hat to the tails, attach the hat to our star quarterback here..." "Well, you have a stroke of marketing genius." "Wait a minute." "I look stupid in this." "Hey, no problem." "We'll just cover the stupid part." "That's a good idea." "Hey guys." "The truth-  how do I look?" " Full of cheer." "I'm serious." "I want to be Queen." "Well, we'll let you know if anything happens to Princess Di." "I'm talking about Homecoming Queen." "Come on, you're a shoo-in." "Guys bribe teachers just to sit beside you in class." "What if they found out I wear a retainer at night?" "How is anyone going to find out you wear a retainer?" "Wanna join our retainer club?" "( whistling )" "Screech, what are you so happy about?" "Look at this face." "Tell me what you see." "Proof that there's life on other planets." "No, besides that." "Look closer." "All I see is a big zit." "Yeah, isn't it great?" "!" "It's my first." "Say hi to Murray." "I hope Murray and you are very happy together." "( bell rings )" "What's he doing?" "Zit gazing." "How gross." "Lisa, I'm sailing on my voyage to manhood." " Care to come aboard?" " l'd rather be eaten by a shark." "This is chemistry class, not "Love Connection."" "If you don't finish your experiments, I'll have to experiment with your grades." "Just about finished, Mr. Bennett." " Right, Screech?" " Uh, right, Screech." "I mean, Mr. Bennet." "Just have to add a dash of that..." "And as we watch, the solution should solidify into..." "Both:" "A malt for the Homecoming Queen." " l was first." " ln your dreams, Preppie." " Hey, get lost." " You get" "Guys, I'll drink both of them, thank you." "How do you like my hair?" "is it better up or down?" "Give us a break." "Up. I think it accentuates your high cheekbones and reveals your swan-like neck." " You really think so?" " Well, I like your hair down." "I think it brings out your mysterious eyes." "Good point." "I'll wear it down." "Hey, what does Slater know about hair?" "He styles his hair hanging out of the school bus window." "Yeah, well, Preppie here had to kill three moose to get his hair like that." " Yeah, well..." " Well, what?" "Hi, guys." "Hey look, Suzie dyed her hair." "Wow, she looks great." "Yeah, but not as good as Muffin looks in that mini-skirt." "Slater:" "Yeah, she does." "If you two stare any harder, your eyes are gonna pop out like Slinkys." "Hey Kelly, aren't Suzie and Muffin the other finalists for Homecoming Queen?" "How would I know?" "You've got nothing to worry about." "Next to you, they're puppy chow." "Yeah, I wouldn't give those two bow-wows a second look." "Nah." "Zack, quick, you've got to help me." "My worst nightmare has come true." "You found out Alf was a puppet?" "He is?" "Worse than that!" "My pimples disappeared." "Murray's gone." "You're right." "Murray's history." "Zack, you've got to help me." " l'm just a boy again." " Screech, it's normal." "Pimples go away by themselves all the time." "In two hours?" "Well, maybe fast food gives you fast pimples." "Did you wash your face today?" "Why would I do that during the week?" "Did you put anything else on your face today?" "Only my chemistry experiment." "Screech, we might've stumbled upon the invention of a century-- a blemish cream that really works." "Hey, kids everywhere would pay a fortune." " Adults, too." " Yeah." "It could work wonders for Gorbachev." "It's sort of like an acne Glasnost." "Hey, but we gotta put the cream to a test." "We gotta find a kid with just the right skin." "Both:" ""Crater-face" Coburn." " Let's go find him." " Let's go get him." "Aren't you done yet?" "Hey, I can't go any faster, Crater-face." "You've got too many speed bumps." "Do you really think this stuff will work?" " Worked on me." " No it didn't." "You're still here." "( gasping laughter )" "Hey, hey, hey, come on, guys, quit it." "All right, Charlie." "You're done." "All right, now what about my 10 bucks?" "Oh yeah." "Here you go." "Hey, wait a minute." "Jason Bateman's not on a $10 bill." "Oh, you noticed." "Cash." "What's this?" "You get the other half when you come back tomorrow before school." "And not a word to anybody." "Come on, Kelly." "We're gonna be late for school." "I'm not going." "I'm never coming out, ever." "Kelly, it's just a pimple." "It's not the end of the world." "That's easy for you to say." "You don't have a lightbulb attached to the end of your nose." "Oh my gosh, Jessie." "It's George Michael's new video." " He's in bikini briefs." " l love George Michael." "But this is George Jetson." "Creeps." "Now can we go?" "I'm not going to school with this thing on the end of my nose." "Let me take a look at it." "Kelly, there's barely anything there." "It looks like a freckle." "It may look like a freckle now, but by the end of the day I'll look like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." "Fine, then you lead the way." "Guys, this is serious." "Today's the Homecoming Parade." "Hear ye, hear ye, your attention please." "The Homecoming finalists have arrived." "Wow." "Quite a headlight you've got there, Kelly." "What happened to Kelly?" "She used to be such a pretty girl." "You mean Big Red?" "Gee, Slater. ls that the same girl we used to fight over?" "You gotta admit it, Preppie, she can still light up a room." "Don't you guys understand?" "I've never won anything before in my life." "Kelly, you're overreacting." "Look, this is my mom's crown from when she won Homecoming Queen." "I want to make her proud of me." "You don't have to win a contest to make your parents proud." "Well, maybe not." "But if I win, I could be in the Kapowski spotlight for once." "With seven kids in the family, it's not often you get to feel special." "Hey, you're not getting any votes staying home." "So, let's go." "But what about my Rudolph nose?" "No one is going to notice." "Kelly, want to do something about that unsightly blemish?" "Try new "Zit-Off." Free demonstration by the locker." "I thought you said no one would notice." "No one did notice." "Will you look?" "Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls... hey, anyone with money." "Well, step right up." "The amazing pimple demonstration is about to begin." "Now, you say you're tired of those unwelcome blemishes?" "Well, I've got the product for you" ""Zit-Off,"" "the one-stop shop for all your acne needs." "Cut to the chase, Preppie." "Let's see how it works." "Just simply dab a little "Zit Off" on the problem areas, and watch those embarrassing bumps disappear before your very eyes." "Come on, this is a rip-off." "His face is clear to start with." "All:" "Yeah!" "But this is the before, and this is the after." "is that Crater-face Coburn?" "In the new, smooth aerodynamic model." "No way." "Hey look, Preppie here just hired some look-alike with a good complexion to fool us." "All:" "Yeah!" "Charles, give the man some id." "( gasping laugh )" "Now, just $15 separates you from the complexion you've always dreamed about." "All major credit cards accepted." "Zack:" "Whoa!" "All right, all right." "And how many tubes can I get for you?" "I'll take them all." "Sorry, the limit's six." "But I think we can make a special arrangement in your case." "Let's haul your case into my office." "Now!" "You know, Zack, I have had it up to here with your antics." "And I'm a tall guy." "Yes, you are, sir." "Hey, I've always looked up to you." "Put a hold on the bootlicking." " Holding, sir." " This time you have gone too far, turning Bayside into your own personal blemish bazaar." "Now who's your cohort in crime, here?" "Me sir, Crater-face." "Get out of town!" "You're kidding." "Chuckle, Charlie." "( gasping laugh )" "Wow, it is you, Charlie." "It is a miracle." "Yes." "But it's a shame that more kids won't have the opportunity for a crater-free life." "Sorry, Morris, but not on my turf." "But we'd set up dispensers next to all the candy machines." "Of course the school will receive half of the proceeds." "No sale." "But we've even name it after you." "We'd call it, "Beldasil."" ""Beldasil." That has a nice ring to it." "Sleep on it, sir." "We'll work out the details in the morning." "No, I think we'll work out the details at 3:30." "See you in detention." "Take "Babyface" here with you." "Beldasil." "Zack, I heard Belding came down hard on you." "Well, it was your basic give-and-take conference." "He gave me detention and I took it." "Did he take away all that cream you were selling?" "I managed to save a few for an oily day." "Zack, you're a life saver." "Can I have one?" "I'll pay any price you ask." "This is the stuff dreams are made of." "But Kelly, your skin is perfect." "It's not for me, it's for a-- a friend." "Actually, a friend of a friend who swore me to secrecy." "I see." "Tell you what, your "friend" sounds pretty desperate." "Just give her this and we'll figure out a way to pay me later." "Thanks, Zack." "I owe you a big one." " l mean, for my friend." " Right." "Once Kelly's "friend" tries out the cream, she'll be mine forever." "This is turning out to be a pretty decent day after all." "Zack, you've gotta help me!" "Screech, what did you do to your face?" " You look like a raspberry pizza." " lt's the "Zit-Off."" "Something must happen when it homogenizes." "Whatever it touches, it turns maroon." "Well, did you try scrubbing it off?" "I've even tried running through a car wash." "I think it's cream-burn." "Screech, tell me you're joking." "My whole future is riding on your face." "Fasten your seatbelt, it's going to be a bumpy ride." "Screech, we've got to find Kelly before she tries out that cream." "Would you get your tail out here?" " Come on." " lt's not easy, Zack." "These stripes are making me dizzy." "How long do I have to keep this mascot outfit on anyway?" "Until your face turns back to normal or we're safely in another country." "Zack, that "Zit-Off" worked great." "It dried up my skin in a second." "It's a miracle." "Zack, you're gonna be famous." " Thanks, man." " Yeah, you bet." "Yeah, I'm gonna be famous all right." ""Student attacked by blotchy, maroon mob." "Film at 11 :00."" "What channel?" "I'll stay up and watch." "Zack, you're the best." "The cream worked like a charm." "You mean your "friend" used it already?" "Okay, no more lies." "There was no friend." "The cream was for me. I had this thing on the end of my nose and well, it doesn't really matter now, 'cause it's gone, and I have you to thank." "Maybe we can go out this weekend?" "See a movie?" "Yeah, that'd be great." "Anyplace that's dark." "I'm a dead man, Screech." "By tomorrow morning most of Bayside and the girl of my dreams will have maroon faces." "Maybe no one will notice." "I think that tiger's head is frying your brain." "Why are you still wearing that stupid thing anyway?" "You told me to keep it on so no one would see my face." "In school, not my bedroom." "Like I'm supposed to read between the lines." "Screech, your face-- it's back to normal." "Don't toy with my emotions, Zack." "Under this gruff maroon exterior is a bucket of sensitivity." "No." "Look." " l'm whole again!" "Yahoo!" " This is great." "Hey, that means the maroon-ness is only temporary." "I won't have to join the Peace Corps." "Yes!" "But the Homecoming Rally is tomorrow." "What about Kelly?" "I'm down, but I'm not out." "I just have to figure out a way to hide Kelly's face for one day." "( knocking on door )" "Zack, what are you doing here?" "Kelly, there's something important I have to tell you." " What is it?" " Oh, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly." "You know when we're in college we're going to laugh about this." "Hey, so why don't we start now?" "( laughs )" "Zack, what is it?" "Well... the "Zit-Off" removes pimples, then it turns your face maroon, but it's only temporary and a day later it goes away and you're fine." "I knew you'd take it well." "See ya." "Zack." "Are you saying my face is gonna turn maroon?" "Not your whole face." "Just where you put the cream." " Where did you put the cream?" " Well, here, here, and here." " That's all?" " Then I rubbed it all over." "Boy, that was stupid." "When is this supposed to happen?" " Tomorrow." " Tomorrow?" "!" "How could you do this to me?" "Tomorrow they're picking the Homecoming Queen." "Zack, you're a-- you're a-- you're something really, really bad." "I didn't twist your arm to use that cream." "You're the prettiest girl in school." "So what if you're slightly less than perfect for a day or two?" "Hey, lately, it seems all you care about is how you look." "Zack, I can't believe you just said that." "Pretend it was Slater." "Zack, you've turned my face maroon." "You've ruined my chances of becoming Homecoming Queen." "I want you out of my room and out of my life, now!" " Are we still on for the weekend?" " Out!" "And now for a word from our captain." "Thanks." "Well, guys, all I've got to say is this-- surf's up, Valley, 'cause the Tigers are on the prowl!" "Yeah!" "We're gonna maul you!" "Yeah!" "Like, for sure." "Okay, we've just tallied the votes for Homecoming Queen." "Second runner-up is..." "Muffin Sangria!" "And first runner-up..." "Susie Van Feyk!" "And now for our Homecoming Queen, the girl who has school spirit written all over her face," "Kelly Kapowski!" "( cheering )" "Hi." "Thanks everybody, for making me your Queen, even though I look like this." "Well, how about a little Bayside cheer?" "( beat-boxing )" "* Check this out, we've got something to say *" "* About the tigers from Bayside, gonna rule the day *" "* So clap your hands, and stomp your feet *" "* Hey, we got school spirit, we can't be beat. *" "All: * Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh-beat, beat *" "* Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh beat, go Bayside!" "*" "* Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh-beat, beat *" "* Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh beat, go Bayside!" "*" "* Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh-beat, beat *" "* Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh beat, go Bayside!" "*" "* Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh-beat, beat *" "* Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh beat, go Bayside!" "*" "* Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh-beat, beat *" "* Beat, ba-beat, ba-buh-buh-buh beat, go Bayside!" "*" "( cheering )" "Go Bayside!" "Yeah!" "Zack, Zack, Zack, I got to hand it to you, having the students paint their faces to show school spirit was, well, it takes my b-b-b-breath away." "( laughs )" "Sure you don't want to join us, sir, and paint your face maroon?" "I'm with you in spirit, Zack." "But I am the principal and I think that for me... it would be just a little rash." "Zack, I want to apologize." "You were right about me." "I got so wrapped up in becoming Homecoming Queen, I became a royal pain." "Thanks for helping me win." "Hey, a little Bayside war paint goes a long way." "Thanks." "Oh, since you won't be around to see the rest of the game, I'll tell you what happened." "Valley was so terrified at the sight of all those maroon faces, that they fumbled the opening kickoff and Slater scored the only touchdown." "The Tigers won seven to nothing." "Go B-b-b-Bayside!" "Whoo!" "( instrumental theme music plays )"