"Previously on side order of life..." "Ian and I,we,uh -- we broke up." "So,was it your sex life that didn't work?" "Mom,sex had nothing to do with it." "Sex always has something to do with it." "I want to see you,too." "It's just I haven't told jenny yet,and I feel uncomfortable going behind her back." "And I found this book." "It's specifically designed recipes for people with canced." "Have you er seen something in a ptograph that was invisible to the naked eye?" "A great photograph can capture a soul." "Is it possible to have the greatest sex of your life with someone you're not in love with?" "So,I guess we're talking about becca?" "When we heard about the first-love study with dr.Frankel, we signed up for it immediately,'cause we're living proof that this exists." "It's like she's hard-wired into my nervous system or something." "Or something." "Becca -- tall latte,no foam." "Ian -- coffee,black." "Next." "Next!" "What can I get you?" "He is so over you!" "I'll have a triple-shot grande... whatever with a side of humble pie " " I mean,a doughnut." "Three shots -- that's not good for your heart." "Who are you,the surgeon general?" "I call 'em like I see 'em" "My real first love." "I was 16,and I met this gorgeous guy,and I was very shy,you know?" "I remember he told me that,uh... what did he tell me?" "Oh,that -- that... now I can't remember what he told me." "Thank you." "This all seems a little farfetched." "But it's not." "This study proves my long-held hypothesis that we never get over our first love -- ever." "Why first love?" "'Cause the first time we fall in love is one of the most unconditional and near-perfect loves we will ever experience -- a love like no other,because the human heart is never more open and,uh... impressionable.It's never been broken." "There is no accumulated scar tissue." "So,if I were to see my first love right now,what would happen?" "Your hands would get clammy,your pulse would race,your eyes would dilate, and if I was taking an mri of your brain, it would show increased activity in its most primitive areas." " Just from seeing my first love?" " Yes." "There's a quantitative difference between first love and all other loves." "It's all in my research." "I'd like to bring andy ryan,in person's medical editor, by just to make sure I'm getting all this." "Oh,bring the entire magazine." "I'd love to share my findings with the largest audience possible." "You don't quit." "It's the human heart that doesn't quit." "Mom!" "How many times do I have to tell you to call first if you're gonna come over?" "But you gave me the key,and you weren't home,so I thought -- so you thought it'd be okay to just bring someone over here?" "No.I'm all alone." "Well,that's a relief." "I'm glad it makes you happy I'm alone." "Why do you hate me so?" "I don't hate you,mom.I love you." "I'm just frustrated with you." "Well,I'm frustrated with me,too." "What,you and dad have a fight?" "It'S...more complicated than that." "All right,well..." "I'm sorry.You -- you can stay if -- if you want." "No." "I'll go elsewhere.I can see I'm not welcome here." "Mom,please don't go there." "Now you're making me feel bad because you feel bad for making me feel bad." "It's a vicious cycle." "Have a nice day." " Hey,you." " Hey." "Okay,is mercury in retrograde,or is it just me?" "It's just you.What's up?" "Oh,great.My mom and i just had a fight." "Was she using your place again?" "Yes.Yes.And I snapped at her." "I feel awful,but,I mean,she's got to just get her own life,stop trying to live mine." "Sometimes you got to snap at a person to set a boundary." "Don't be so hard on yourself." "Do you think maybe we should turn the air-conditioning down?" "It's freezing in here." "Are you kidding?" "It's like a sweatbox in here." "If you're cold,go put on a sweater." "Hey,are you okay?" "You running a fever?" "I just took my temperature,and believe me,it's been normal for me to feel this hot these days." "That doesn't seem right." "Or maybe it's a side effect from one of these medications." "Believe me,I checked,and none of them mention enormous temperature surges." "Okay,will you call dr.Rain,please?" "Yes,mom.I will." "So,get this.I'm doing this story on first love." "This doctor's research says that first love not only can stay with you forever but can set you on a path that can change the course of your entire life." "You think it's possible?" "Might be." "Well,this doctor thinks that first love is so powerful, it's imprinted in your genetic memory." "Are you thinking about the inimitable jack sager?" "Yes." "Talk about falling hard." " I haven't seen you that in love since." " I know." "You think it's possible that what happened with jack messed me up with ian?" "It's crossed my mind.I mean,it ended so badly." "I don't know,I just..." "I'd like to see him one more time." "See his face,talk to him.You know,he meant so much to me," "I'd like to know if he ever loved me as much as I loved him." "Okay,that's it.I'm calling dr.Rain." "He says he can meet with us later this afternoon." "All right,fine,but I still think all love is about good old-fashioned chemistry." "I disagree with you,andy." "I think it's got to do with physics and the big bang theory." "Oh,please." "Seriously.At some point in everyone's life, they flirt with revisiting their first love." "maybe it is biologically driven." "First love is puppy love,and then they grow up and become dogs." "You get over it." "End of story." "Hey,there." " Hi." " Hi." "I got your message." "Um,let me take a look at the chart." "How are you feeling?" "I just feel really hot." "How many times a day?" "Well,it's been happening more and more." "I get these flashes of heat,and it's like I'm burning from the inside out." "Okay,there's always a possibility that this can occur,even in patients as young as you." "It's a direct side effect from the chemo." "What can occur?" "Medical menopause." "The drugs that are fighting your cancer f are stressing out your ovaries and sending them into a state of shock,and this shock -- it's menopause." "That's just great." "Bad enough I'm losing my hair,but I still got a mustache." "Now medical menopause?" "When do I get a break here?" "Vivy,when it goes into remission." "Getting a little boring being humbled on a daily basis." "Well,we just need to take measures to make this temporary and not permanent." "How do we do that -- more drugs?" "No.No,not at all." "May I ask... are you...having any sex at the moment?" "**********" "Uh,where are we going with all this?" "It's vitally important that you keep yourself properly... invigorated." " Invigorated?" " Invigorated?" "Yes." "Sexually,you need some action,and for that,you need the right equipment." "Uh,sorry.By equipment,you mean like a-a vibrator?" "Nope.That won't get to all the hard-to-reach places." "Buy a dildo?" "No way my health insurance is paying for this." "She walked into that biology class " " I was a goner." "We graduated in 1967.That was 40 years ago." "Then she contacts me out of the blue about a month ago." "I knew exactly who it was.Martina." "I was so shocked at how instantly consumed I was by the idea of her on the other end of that phone." "And I'm happily married." "My wife's the love of my life." "And that's when I realized -- this first-love thing stays inside you." "After a few days,you know,I realized the whole thing was completely ridiculous." "But for those few days..." "I was really swept up in it." "First love is a permanent physiological,as well as psychological, condition that proves the mind/body connection." "Now,come here.Take a look at this." "What you're looking at is the primitive part of a 56-year-old man's brain, who himself is looking at someone he's never seen before." "Now,here is an mri of the same man's brain after being shown a picture of a woman he was in love with 40 years ago." "See all the activity firing away." "So you're saying if I were to meet my first love today that I'd physiologically still have feelings for her?" "That you would always have feelings for her." "Your neural pathways would start dancing around,unable to stop themselves." "It's that powerful and long-lasting." "Okay,let me just see what jenny has on the first-love storybefore I commit to this." "First love?" "You can run that anytime." "Hang on." "Corny.Corny." "Hello?" "Rick purdy." "Bye." "It's his first love.I'm sure of it." "Sorry." "Yeah,to -- to what do I owe this pleasure?" "Yeah,sure.Is everything okay?" "Sure.I'll see you there." "I'm looking forward to it.Okay." "So,you called your first love,didn't you?" "We are all dying to know who she is." "We?" "Yeah.Wall's made of glass." "Teddy and stargell -- big mouths.What do you expect?" "So?" "You set up a hot date with her,didn't you?" "Uh,what?" "No.No.No,no first love." "Just drinks with a friend.What are you up to?" "Fine.Change the subject.That's fine." "If you must know,I'm going shopping with vivy.Doctor's orders." "How so?" "You don't need to know.We've got it all under control." " Why are you being so vague?" " 'Cause you are." "ooh,come here.This one's called the hum-her." "You know what?" "If I was looking for something that big,I'd get a gardening tool." "Yankee doodle dildo?" "One of our more popular items." "Note the red,white,and blue." "And if you're interested in something multifunctional,this one doubles as a phone." "Mr.Peter,the pleasure phone." "Okay,this is great." "My friend here can never get off the phone.Now she can get off on her phone." "We're here for,uh,medicinal purposes." " We have a prescription." " Just one." " Yeah." " Yeah." "Medicinal menopause?" "Yes.How did you know?" "I'm a,uh,fellow traveler." "So,yankee doodle or pleasure phone?" "Well,okay,yankee doodle for me and pleasure phone for my friend here." " Oh,no!" " Oh,I am absolutely getting you this." "And I know exactly what to call it -- cellphone man." "I don't " " I don't need the..." " person we know really well,9:00." " What?" "She's everywhere.She's like mold." "Hi!" " Hey." " Hi." "This is so embarrassing." "Only if we make it that way." "We're dildo-shopping for vivy.For cancer." "Money from dildos goes to cancer?" "What a great idea!" "I'll buy one,too." "So,have you found jack yet?" "Oh,well,I " " I plugged him into people finder at the office,but nothing yet." "I mean,it's fine.It's no big deal." "Are you just gonna pretend that finding your first love has nothing to do with ian and becca dating?" "Nothing whatsoever." "I wouldn't have even thought of jack if it wasn't for work." "Honey,I just want you to be careful." "You're in a very vulnerable place right now." "Jack was your first love and broke your heart." "Do I need to remind you of how awful that pain is?" "No.You don'T." "Guess who." "mrs.Mcintyre?" "Margot,please." "so,uh,w-what was so urgent?" "Is everything okay with jenny?" " I mean - - aren't you gonna ask me what I'd like to drink?" "Of course.Of course." "Where are my manners?" "I'm sorry." "For the -- for the lady... beefeater on the rocks with a twist,please.Thank you." " Seriously,margot..." " yes,rick?" "You did say that you were concerned about jenny and that maybe I could help." "Yes." "To jenny." "To jenny." "Are you okay?" "What is it?" "I've made a mess of my relationship with jenny." "I think the damage is irreversible." "Nothing is irreversible." "Mother/daughter relationships are -- are the most difficult." "But it sounds to me like maybe you need to talk to jenny,not me." "I don't know how to communicate with her anymore." "We've reached this impasse." "Well,maybe -- maybe vivy would be of more help." "No,I really think I'd like to talk to you about jenny." "I think I need a man's perspective on this." "Why -- why is that?" "Because... often,men are more forgiving of a woman like me." "Did you and jenny ever date in college?" "No.No." "Uh,well,actually,we..." "We did,yes,but,uh,an hour into the date,we realized we were just meant to be friends." "That is such a shame." "Jack E.Sager." "Jack emerson?" "my...god." "Dear jack,it's been a long time... but I've thought of you often..." "I hope this wasn't too much of an imposition." "Oh,not at all.I hope I was helpful." "Was she everything you dreamed of?" "You are so barking up the wrong tree." "Oh,come on." "You're really not gonna tell me who you went out with last night?" "Oh,I'm so not gonna tell you." "All right.Fine." "I'll just get it out of vivy when she gets it out of you." "I bet you already looked up your first love.Am I right?" "Yes.I looked him up." "What's his name?" "Jack sager." "Actually,he goes by emerson now for some reason." "Jack emerson." " There's a photographer by that name." " Yeah." "That's the one." "He,uh,is not that well-known here,but he sells a lot internationally." "He's good -- really good." "How cute.Were you both taking pictures when you were going steady?" "Did you meet on the yearbook?" "No.He's older." "He was a student at ucla." "I took a night course in photography,and we met." "His work inspired me,and,quite frankly,so did he." "I don't think he realized till later that he was,uh,robbing the cradle." "This story just gets better and better." "Did you go all the way with him?" "Shut up." "Shut up means yes." "How did it end?" "Badly -- for me,at least." "Now,see,that dr.Frankel is right." "First love impacted the direction of your life." "When jack emerson rejected you,it hit you so square in your pride, it made you reach down inside yourself and be an even better photographer than you would have been otherwise." "Okay,sometimes the fact that both your parents are shrinks is freakin' annoying." "I know.Bugs my therapist even more." "So,you two met at summer camp.Is that right?" "The poconos." "We were by the lake,and,uh,phil came out of the water." "And he was so gorgeous,and I fell in love." "Just right then,I fell right in love." "We went back to our hometowns." "We couldn't call each other.Long-distance was very expensive in those days." "So we wrote letters." "Remember,dear?" "And I like letters." "But,you know,we met other people." "Life has a way of taking us places where we didn't predict." "But when my son suggested that I get in touch with gert after 45 years, it was just what the doctor ordered." "He's a doctor -- phil's son." "He's a chiropractor,but you get the idea." "Well,he -- phil is just... just... take your time,darling." "Phil is just the way I remember him." "so..." "So,can we just talk about how bizarre this is that you happen to be in los angeles right when I'm in the middle of -- yeah,and I get an e-mail from you just,like,what,out of the blue?" "Call it,um... oh,serendipity?" "Maybe something else.I'm not a big believer in coincidence." "Maybe,um,maybe fate's more like it." "All right,well,uh,what -- what about the fact that we both make our living with our cameras?" "What do you call that?" "You know what?" "I don't know." "But that really isn't a surprise to me." "No,I used to watch you take pictures." "I could tell it was your calling,even if you didn'T." " Really?" " Yeah,I did,'cause let me tell you something." "You -- you had an eye.You were really good." "When did you realize it was what you wanted?" "I was in law school." "Yeah,just moving along on a conveyor belt and letting life sort of pull me along, and one night,just had a dream." "And in it I was -- was taking pictures of people and telling their stories." "So I -- I just,um," "I packed up and started traveling the world and haven't looked back since." "So,what -- what did you,uh,what did you find?" "Well,I'll tell you one thing -- I found there's no third world." "No,just one.One world." "And we have a responsibility to each other to help when there's suffering." "I'm sorry.I'm on my soapbox right now." "Oh,my god." "Occupational hazard." "I speak for amnesty international." "I'm giving a talk for them tomorrow night,if you'd like to come." "My god,you have grown into such a beautiful woman,jenny." "Jack,why -- why didn't I ever,uh,hear from you again?" "I mean,just the truth.You know,you went away to law school." "You never responded to my calls or my letters,and I was " "I was...devastated." "Why?" "It was the hardest thing I had to do." "And I hate myself for doing it,but you were just too young and too in love with me." "Too in love." "Yes,particularly at that moment in time." "I mean,jack... you were my first...everything." "Okay,I'm sorry." "I was way in over my head... because I was so in love with you." "Wow,I needed to hear that." "I just " " I never knew." "You never knew?" "You never knew that I loved you?" "I knew you cared,but you ran off to law school and " "I went to new york,and I just " " I got confused." "Please... please,just forgive me." "I don't know if I can." "I think I'm gonna have some wine just to unwind and get in the mood." "Can I get you anything?" "Please,god,let him be 6 feet tall,brown hair,and cute smile." "You are never gonna b-- oh." "Am I...interrupting?" "Oh,no.We're just getting acquainted." "He's back." "Jack showed up at my office." "Well,it only took 14 years." " Is he still handsome?" " Yes." "Oh,that's terrible." " Successful and available?" " Oh,yes." "Oh,jeez." " Willing to eat crow?" " That too." "Damn him for being jack." "Thank you for letting me come over." "I just thought it might be nice to talk away from the doctor's office." "You want to speak to me alone,without phil?" "Phil did most of the talking the other day, so I just thought it might be nice to hear the story from your perspective." "I can'T." "W-w-why not?" "Because as the days go by,it gets harder and harder to remember the story." "It's -- memory of it all is fading." "Fading... how?" "I'm in the first stages of alzheimer'S." "And I'm starting to forget not just phil,but everything... just bit by bit." "This disease -- it sneaks off with your precious memories." "It's all we have that makes us who we are." "Did you have a first love?" "Yes." "I did." "Um,it didn't work out like the two of you." "Oh,so what?" "No." "Embrace the truth,whatever it is." "Never take your memories for granted,my dear,not even the painful ones." "You know,what you're doing with that camera is important in ways that you can't understand." "I'm beginning to realize that." "Take my picture." "Right now." "I want to be able to remember me." "Hey." "You really are the nervous type,aren't you?" "Maybe.Maybe." "Listen,I just want to thank you for taking that time with me the other night." "That was above and beyond the call." "So,what's up?" "You here to talk to jenny like we discussed?" "I am." "Yeah,but,really,I mean it." "Thank you from the bottom of my heart." "She,uh,is actually at an interview right now." "Uh,it was a last-minute thing." "Oh,that's too bad." "Well,I'll leave her a note on her desk." "It was good to see you again,though." "Take care." "Bye." "Hey,it's -- it's me.I need your help,buddy." "Uh,I got to talk to somebody.It's a total 9-1-1." "All right,yeah.That's it.Call me back.Thanks." "She was almost your mother-in-law,but were you ever -- did she ever... well,there was this one time at dinner, and she grabbed my ass under the table." " No." " Yeah." "Jenny and I hadn't been going out for that long,and I was carving the turkey -- it was thanksgiving dinner -- and I... felt this hand." "*******I was sporting wood." "I mean,you know,let's be honest -- margot is a beautiful woman and,in a way,ageless." "What is it about being attracted to a woman who's old enough to be your mother that's so unsettling?" "Speak for yourself." "I mean,it doesn't freak me out at all that she's older." "I'm only freaked out that she's jenny's mom." "She burns at a high flame 24/7.I never know what to expect from her." "Oh,god.She's me." "Hey,can I ask your advice about becca?" " The doctor is in." " All right." "The sex Is incredible." "But I can't bear the fact that she's so much more into me than I'm into her." "The guilt is killing me." "How do you say -- guilt?" "Not familiar with this concept." "Let me offer up some wisdom that I got at the knee of my mentor and personal hero,marvin gaye." "Marvin gaye?" "Think of it as sexual healing." "Good sex -- it makes us more forgiving,more soulful,more magnanimous." "You are doing something wonderful not just for becca, but for the greater good of mankind." "You are good." "Sometimes." "Our instinct as human beings is to turn from horror when it occurs." "Look at the holocaust,rwanda even a natural disaster like hurricane katrina -- it's not enough to tell the stories." "People need the pictures." "And it the still image that forms a visceral connection with the viewer that they can go back and study over and over and over until it sinks into their soul." "To quote the great war photographer robert capa, if your pictures aren't good,it means you're not close enough." "All right,go out there and make a difference,take a risk,and see what you can do." "Thank you all for coming." "So,uh,does this mean you forgive me?" "I think I've been stuck in the hurt... not letting the good memories of us in." "I want to ask you something." "Anything." "Have you ever seen something in a photo, even for just a fleeting moment,that... that told you more than the picture itself?" "All the time." "When the work is good,I'm totally in tune with it." "Is that what you mean?" "Yeah." "Kind of." "Then he went away to the war." "And I didn't see him again for... 45 years." "I think you get it right the first time." "This... this is impressive stuff,jen." "You are really good." "What I'd like to be is great." "How long's it been since you had a vacation?" "I think I've got about seven weeks' paid vacation coming to me." "Yeah?" "Come with me." "Where?" "I'm leaving for uganda in two days." "It won't be all work." "On the way back,maybe we can just stop at my place in paris for a few days." "How does that sound?" "Sounds pretty incredible." "So, I checked with the biggest busybody in my high school." "I mean, this guy organizes all the reunions and, of course, knew what her marital status was and where to find her, so I'm going out with her next week." "You are living in a fantasy world." "Leave him alone,stargell." "This issue is gonna fly off the stand." "Great job, andy." "Thanks." "What do you think, guys?" "Rick, hey.I need four weeks off." "Talk to me." "You know I've got vacation time coming to me." "Why now?" "You're just hitting your stride, jen.You have your own byline." "This is about that jack guy, isn't it?" "No." "It's about new opportunities as a photographer... and new opportunities with jack, okay?" "Okay." "Just look me in the eye and tell me this has nothing to do with you running away from what went down with ian." "I'm not running away from anything." "Ian's got becca.Vivy's got you guys.I just need a little time for me." "You see that,right?" "Okay.Go for it." "But before you go,listen." "I talked to your mom.You got to talk to her." "She's " " I think she's going through some kind of midlife crisis or something." "H-h-hold on." "You've been chatting with my mom?" "Lot of boundary violations,I know,but that's her style.Okay?" "You know her.She's your mom." "Right or wrong,you got to cut her some slack." "Come on,get to know her like an adult." "Yeah." "Last time I saw her,she seemed so... lost,but at the same time so margot." "Know what I mean?" "Do I ever." "First love." "Like no other,huh?" "What is it with you and this story,rick?" "Did you,uh,get ahold of that first love?" "I would if I could,but,uh... she died,actually,in high school.So... car accident on the way home from the fireworks on the fourth of july." "We were,like,18." "You -- you never told me about that." "Too painful to remember,I guess." "Those painful memories -- they make us who we are." "Call your mother." "Since when did you start drinking decaf?" "Oh,I,uh Hear it's better for your heart." "Let go for the hurt" "I'm sorry." "No,sweetheart,I am." "No,I..." "I've had a hard time understanding you." "But I realized that I've never really tried,and I'd " " I'd like to." "I'm not easy." "Neither am I." "What's happening with you?" "I mean,you seemed so upset the other day." "I don't kn.I think I've reached that place where..." "I feel like the best of my life is behind me, and it makes me really sad." "Mom,that's just not true." "But it feels true." "No,your -- your life is only just beginning." "You know,my advice to you has never been terribly maternal,so I'm not gonna start now." "But I just want to say,make opportunity for yourself." "Don't jump on someone else's and go along for the ride, because then you'll always be in the passenger's seat." "And you,my dear,need to drive." "Mom,who was your first love?" "He was a double shot of espresso,that boy was." "Your old nikon here.Know anything about the old leica?" "I just picked up an amazing m3 at an auction." "Yeah?" "With the bayonet lens?" "You know about the m3?" "Aren't you just full of surprises?" "Oh,at this time of year in paris,there's something about the quality of the light." "You're not gonna want to stop taking pictures." "Oh,and you'll have to meet my landlady.She's hilarious." "All right,she'll drill you with a few questions." "She thinks I walk on water." "I've done nothing to dispel that notion." " Listen,jack - - oh,and the hot water -- that's kind of a real issue." "You're not somebody who has to wash their hair,like,every day,are you?" "Well... deal breaker?" "No." "Good,'cause you had me worried there for a minute." "What's up?" "I can't go with you,jack." "What are you talking about?" "Why?" "I want to discover the light in paris, and I want to know more about what it's like to be with you." "But?" "But this is crazy." "I mean,it's all happened so fast,and I can't just run away from my life." "I mean,the truth is,I'm acting like somebody who's in love for the first time." "What's wrong with that?" "I'm not 16." "Just because you make me feel like I am again doesn't mean I should act like it." "You..." "You swept me off my feet." "But I need to keep my feet on the ground... for a lot of reasons." "So... this is where we end it?" "Well,I mean,maybe there's a future for us... in the future." "I mean,we're first loves,right?" "It's supposed to last a lifetime." "What are you laughing at?" " Jenny wearing her night brace in the daytime." " Shut up." "I had a very strict orthodontist." "Oh,that's bad." "It's strange,isn't it?" "I mean,you think you're gonna remember this stuff,but you don'T." "Thank god we have these pictures." "Yes." "Don't worry.I'll get it." "My ears." "you had some hair." "I think it's coming from here." "Mami!" "No." "Mami,wait.No abrirse." "Jenny,I think it's for you."