"Are you gonna get up today?" "It's almost 8." "Ok um..." "You don't have to talk or anything.. uhh..." "How about, umm.." "One blink means yes and two blinks means no." "Umm, do you want me to get you a glass of water?" "Or maybe some food or something?" "Was that.. was that one blink or two blinks?" "What is.. what is three blinks mean?" "Oh yea great." "Ok, thanks." "Yea..." "Ok Jeremy now this is ridiculous." "You're going to have to get up today no matter what." "Piss off Kyle." "Jeremy its not that big of a deal, ok?" "A lot of people break up and they don't spend all day moping around in bed." "Besides, I think it's a really important part of the show" "This is an important part of your life, I'd like to document it." "Can you at least turn and say something to the camera?" "Ok fine Kyle." "But I'm not getting out of bed." "That's fine." "You can just say it from there." "No, you got to come under the covers." "Under the covers?" "Yea." "I'm not doing it unless you come under the covers." "Ok fine." "Just for you Jeremy, we'll do the interview under the covers." "Alright." "*Jeremy farts*" "Ahhhh!" "Gross!" "Uhhhh!" "*machine* 3 new messages." "*beep*" "Hey Jeremy, uhh, this is Jim from work." "We missed you today." "Why don't you give me a call back and let me know what's going on." "Thanks." "*beep*" "Hi Jeremy, its Jim." "So I just want to make sure you got your work schedule this week." "Because..." "You, uh, missed another shift today." "So, heh, ok..." "Please give me a call." "*beep*" "Jeremy its Jim." "Uhh..." "This is the third consecutive shift that you've missed this week." "You're the most efficient manager of locations of products that we've ever had." "But I'm still going to have to let you go." "We need someone that's more reliable." "I'm sorry." "*click* *beep* *machine* End of final message." "Jeremy, uhh, what are you doing?" "Oh I'm just cleaning up some Facebook photos." "Maybe you should try doing something different today." "Like," "Going outside..." "You know, just anything to break the routine." "It might help you, uh, get her off your mind." "Get who off my mind?" "Well, Tagi of course..." "Who's... who's Tagi?" "Ohhh." "You mean one of those girl's I used to date." "Yea, no I don't think about... them anymore." "You know Jeremy I think it's pretty obvious that you're in denial here." "Which is ok!" "Because it's a pretty heavy thing to deal with." "Kyle, I'm not in denial." "You're in denial!" "Well I'm not the one with the issues to deal with here." "So I actually think I am not in denial." "Well..." "Kyle..." "That's kinda what all denialers think." "And..." "You know denial is... not just a lake." "Sup." "Oh hey TBag." "Think so?" "Yea ok, I'll meet you there." "Ok." "TBag thinks I should probably go do something different." "So I'm going to go meet him." "Well, like life's like pretty awesome right now." "You know?" "Don't have a job taking up all my time." "I don't have a girlfriend who's..." "You know, gonna nag me and I got to worry about and stuff." "You know." "Just gonna, gonna go solo for a bit, you know." "Cause grouping..." "You know, can just hold you back sometimes you know?" "Get griefed or something." "I got nothing to do." "Its awesome!" "If I.. if I just want to stand here I can stand here, right." "No one can make me do anything else." "This is my spot on the side walk." "I'm gonna stand here." "Oh now I feel like sitting down." "So I'm gonna to sit down." "Cause I feel like doing it." "Oh I'm feeling tired." "Well.." "I guess I'm gonna lay down now." "Lay down in the middle of the road." "No one's gonna stop me." "Now what's gonna happen Kyle?" "You're gonna get run over and you're gonna die." "Well becides that Kyle." "You know.." "Still..." "It's my choice." "Well that looks like a good place to stand right here." "That's a great place to stand Kyle." "Well yea thats great." "Stand there, you're gonna fall on your face." "Yea so?" "My face Kyle." "Do what I want with it." "Oh I'm hungry Kyle, I wanna eat some plant..." "I'll eat some plant." "This looks like a good plant." "I uh.." "That plant." "I decided not to eat it." "Cause I'm free Kyle." "I'm a free man." "Hey yo Drew I'll talk to ya later." "Oh one more thing Drew..." "You suck." "What's goin on man?" "Good?" "Yea it's all good." "Come on lets go." "So what's going on with you man?" "You know its... good." "No what's... what's going on with the situation?" "Oh.. well... you know I'm just decided I'm done with girls, you know?" "I'm just gonna take care of my self for ever, you know." "No, no no no." "You don't mean you're done with girls." "You don't mean that." "Well..." "I kinda am cause..." "Tagi, you know, she's like one in a mill.." "thou..." "like.. hundred." "She's like one in a hundred, you know." "And Kyle helped me with that.." "The only cure for girl trouble" "Is more girls!" "HAHAHA" "Well its..." "YEAAAAAA!" "It's easy for you to say, but I donno what to do." "Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy" "Let me tell you somethin." "There's only two things that girls like." "They like money..." "And they like cool." "You ain't go no money." "well.." "I'm cool." "Jeremy" "You're wearing the same clothes since the first day I met you." "The same shit!" "Come on, you're teh_ownerer" "Own some new clothes." "Ok." "Fine." "Lets go shoppin." "Let's go." "So, Jeremy this is it." "You are ready." "I salute you." "Check this out, Queens street." "You know how many girls are in this city Jeremy?" "no... 2 MILLION!" "Thats a lot.." "2 million girls in this city." "And they're all yours for the taking." "Look." "Look at those girls over there." "Mmmmm." "Why don't yo go talk to them." "Oh.." "No, I don't even know like..." "Come on, go..." "Go." "You're ready man, you're ready." "You're the fuckin man." "You are the fuckin MAN!" "I'm the man." "I'm the man." "Ok." "Ok You go!" "You go!" "You go!" "You go!" "Be confident!" "You betta own that." "What?" "It's stupid man." "What?" "This is gay man." "It's totally gay." "Heh, Jeremy this is the exact opposite of gay." "Observe." "Jeremy." "Meet Cindy... and Lisa." "Actually it's the other way around." "Whatever." "Hey." "They gonna be chillin with us for the whole afternoon." "That's cool." "O...." "M...." "F... g...." "After you ladies." "Lets roll." "TBag, TBag." "What... what did you say to them?" "Nothin nothn.. heh." "It's cool." "No seriously, like what did you say to them?" "Why I just said the magic words baby!" "Whats, whats the magic words?" "How would you ladies like to go for a ride on my yacht?" "Tsssssssssssssssssssssssss" "Tssssssssssssss" "Are you ladies having a good time?" "Yep!" "Pretty sweet boat." "Really nice." "So what else is up with you man?" "I didn't tell you, I'm getting a slave!" "A slave..." "Yea." "It's like this dude, his named Chris from California." "He's commin down." "He's gonna like, do all my work for me and stuff." "And I don't even have to pay him." "It's the best idea ever." "Yea thats amazing!" "You know what?" "I have a whip at my house." "Why don't you borrow it?" "!" "Yea." "Know, with the whip I can totally train him faster." "Thats.." "Thanks man." "So what do you guys do?" "Oh.. well... mostly I just play games" "We're professional athletes." "Oh really." "You know, I used to date a professional basketball player." "He was really good too." "You know, he always started..." "And he's really good looking..." "Basketball players are hot." "Last night I got so hammered." "Oh my god me too." "Where did you guys end up going?" "We went to the brenney." "Last time I was at the brenney it was full of all these fat guys..." "Fat guys?" "Uhhhh." "There was this guy who was totally staring at us." "He was such a creep!" "Like don't they have anything else to look at?" "Yea, so when we were dancing last night" "This guy kept trying to take pictures of us so he can like put it on his myspace page." "What a creep." "Thats gross!" "I know!" "It's like last night." "Some bitch was totally dancing on my pole." "Who?" "!" "And like 'Bitch!" "This is totally my pole!" "'" "I hate it when that happens!" "Like what a bitch." "Bitch..." "Skank.." "Jeremy." "Which one do you want?" "Well the other day this guy comes up to me." "He's like..." "Oh." "I don't really like either of um." "'You seem like a really nice girl." "Can I buy you a cup of coffee sometime?" "'" "So both for me!" "And I'm just like pervert!" "Yes!" "Hehehehe What a pick up like too!" "They are so dumb." "We got to hang out more often." "This is a really deep cooler." "Jeremy I can tell you're not really feeling this." "If there's anything that you want to do" "We'll do it." "Today's your day." "Whatever you want to do we'll do." "Play some games..." "Oh you know what, why don't we just go to Dave's house." "He's having a bar-b-que." "We'll just go check out Dave." "Chill with him." "Ok." "Well, what about the girls?" "Let's get other ones." "Shit... you know." "Right?" "True." "Totally." "This is it right here man." "Beer, burgers, and bros." "Don't get no better then that." "Word to your mom you know." "Hey." "Hey dude." "Flip the burger man." "How is this supposed to make me a.. a better gamer?" "Yo dude." "You ever watch Karate Kid?" "Yea..." "SO!" "Wax on!" "Wax off." "*Jeremy's funky ring tone plays*" "Talk to me." "oh" "Oh hey." "Oh you know I'm just... chillin." "maxin.. relaxin.. stuff." "Well I donno" "Let me check my schedule." "Alright." "I could probably squeeze you in this afternoon." "Ok" "Yea I'll see you there." "Don't be late" "Guess who that was Kyle." "It's Tagi." "She wants me back." "I mean obviously." "Look at me." "Wait till she sees, like, the new me." "She's gonna be all like 'Please please please' you know." "I hope she dosn't start crying and stuff like when she's begging." "Grabbing on my pant leg and stuff." "She might embarrass herself." "It's probably a good thing we are in public." "Hey." "Uh Kyle.." "Um, I was kinda thinking it would just be me and Jeremy so..." "Is it ok if him and I talk alone?" "Uh yea sure." "I can go across the street and grab a coffee." "So uh.." "Ok" "Do you mind if I leave my bag here though?" "No that's fine." "Ok." "For realz you know." "I like your new shirt." "Obviously." "Its made with real gold." "Its like 42 karats of real gold." "Pssht." "So uh..." "What have you been up to?" "Well you know, me at T been chillin." "Crusin around..." "Pickin up like lots of girls." "Oh." "Are you seeing someone?" "Someone?" "Yea I've seen lots of girls you know." "Look, I wouldn't worry about it." "Like, I got some room for you still." "Room for me?" "Jeremy why are you acting like this?" "This is not like you." "Well this is just the new me." "This is cool." "Well maybe I don't like the new you." "Well..." "I don't see why not." "All the other bitches do." "What?" "!" "Oh, I'm just saying." "If you can't take this maybe you're like a" "Look Jeremy." "I came here to be civil." "I came here to talk to you and tell you whats on my mind." "But apparently you're just going to be an ass." "Oh an ass." "Well you can eat a dick." "Oh eat a dick?" "Maybe I will!" "Maybe I'll eat 50 dicks!" "Oh!" "Look here on the menu." "Dick sandwich!" "Oh and look at this!" "9.99 all you can eat dick." "Look Jeremy." "I'm sorry, ok?" "I know that deep down inside you're a good person." "We had really great times together." "But, I just, I don't think it's going to work out." "We're just too different." "Oh.." "Well.." "I mean if it makes it easier for you" "You can just kinda be one of my girlfriends, right." "You can be like my alt or somethin." "Jeremy." "I didn't come here to get back together." "I came here to get closure." "Closure?" "Yea." "Closure." "Well.." "Pftt, you're not getting any closure." "Well we already had our conversation and I've already said what I need to say." "So I've already gotten my closure." "Well then I'm gonna take it back." "Jeremy..." "I'll see you around." "You will..." "You'll see me around lots of girls." "Like all over me and stuff." "Hanging off me, you know." "All happy." "Real happy..." "Cool" "So how'd it go?" "Pfft." "Just like I expected, you know." "She all wants me back and stuff." "Told her, no isn't gonna happen." "She starts crying and..." "I don't have time for a girlfriend anymore, you know." "Its like... guys make way better friends anyways." "so" "*Doug clears throat*" "I'm pretty beat man." "Can't keep my eyes open anymore." "Play some xbox?" "Yea." "We can do that." "Alright guys." "I think I'm going to bed." "Think I got enough footage." "Night Kyle." "Alright good night guys." "Whoa." "There's like a..." "There's like some kinda movie in here." "NO NO NO!" "Jeremy!" "Wait!" "Don't press play!" "Turn it off guys!" "Guys!" "Turn it off!" "Guys." "Turn that off." "*the sound of a chick moaning comes from the tv*" "Ok guys...." "Guys." "Alright turn it off." "Yea thats hilarious." "Yea..." "*Kyle's voice comes from the tv* 'Ok Ryan if you've got the stroke, uh, lift your right leg.'" "Kyle?" "Kyle was that you?" "oh.." "Oh my god dude!" "THAT WAS YOU!" "Ok guys...." "It's for work." "It's not even finished." "No one is supposed to see this." "*from the tv* 'Hey." "What's all this banging noise?" "I'm trying to get some sleep.' *from the tv* 'Why don't you join us?" "Sure that sounds fantastic.'" "Oh god." "Did you write that?" "That's real good Kyle." "Dude!" "What is that?" "!" "Oh ohohohohoho" "AHHHHHHH!" "DUDE!" "DUDE!" "Ohh man." "Oh dude I'm sorry." "Ohh dudeee." "I'm sorry." "Dude your balls must have been full." "It's all over the place!" "*porn sounds are still coming from the tv*" "Sup Dave?" "Well Dave." "It's up to you." "Are you sure you wanna do this?" "I'm all in." "Fold." "YEAHAHAHA DUDE!" "I go all in too bitch!" "Check it out!" "Pocket Aces!" "He's got the balls!" "Beat that Dave!" "Beat that!" "Thats game!" "Hearts!" "Hearts!" "Come on!" "No!" "YEA DUDE!" "HEARTS!" "HEARTS!" "HEARTS!" "So what are you doing now Jeremy?" "Oh I'm just like.. making like a list of all my life plans and stuff." "Really?" "Thats great." "I always thought you could benefit from being more organized." "Do you mind if I have a look?" "No." "Thats cool." "Alright." "So you're gonna meet Miyamoto, and then you're gonna make 50 grand." "How are you gonna make 50,000 dollars?" "Oh." "I'll win some tournies." "And then... you know, like invest." "Invest in what?" "Well like stuff Kyle." "Like investments." "Its what you do with money." "Vasectomy?" "!" "What?" "Heh" "When are you getting a vasectomy?" "What do ya mean 'getting a vasectomy' Kyle?" "I'm makin it." "You're making a vasectomy?" "Kyle I've been making it for like a year, it's almost done." "It's the name of my game." "You're naming your game vasectomy..." "Yea Kyle vasectomy." "It's like the best name ever Kyle." "VASECTOMY" "Its like the name of like the end dude." "He's got like big knives on his hands." "He just cuts people's head off." "He's like" "VISUCK!" "VISCUK!" "VISCUK!" "VISCUK!" "It's gonna be so awesome Kyle." "At least Dave learned to knock." "Hey Dave.." "Hey." "Sooo.." "This is it huh?" "Hi." "I'm Chris."