"(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "(theme song ending)" "Oh..." "Oh, brother, am I beat." "Well, what a sale, huh?" "Oh, these little piggies may never go to market again." "Wouldn't you know I wouldn't be able to find anything and you got the cutest dress in town." "Truthfully, Ethel, isn't this the biggest bargain you've ever seen?" "Absolutely." "Oh... course, now it's a question of how to get Ricky to let me keep it." "Oh, he'll have to let you keep it." "You got it at a sale;" "they won't take it back." "Yeah, well, that's the gamble I'm taking." "I have to get Ricky to say that I can keep it without letting him know that even if he says I can't keep it," "I'll have to keep it because the store will make me keep it anyway." "Well, that ought to confuse him enough." "Oh, I guess I'll be able to smooch him into it." "Sure." "Well, I'll just get this out of his sight until I get him good and mellow and then I'll spring it on him." "Well, I guess I'll go down and smooch Fred and see if I can talk him into letting me keep this." "So long, Lucy." "Good-bye, dear." "Is that you, Ricky?" "Yeah, honey." "Hello, baby!" "Hi." "Ho-ho." "Your cheeks are cold." "Oh, let me take off your coat, honey." "Are your feet wet?" "No." "Well, sit down, darling, you must be awfully tired." "Put the tootsies up." "That's a boy." "There you are." "Oh, you great, big, handsome husband, you." "Mmm..." "Lucy." "Yes, dear." "What have you done?" "Nothing, I'm just glad that I have the cutest, sweetest, most wonderful husband in the whole wide world." "Kiss me." "You have something to tell me." "What is it?" "Well, I don't think you're ready for it yet." "I know!" "You bought something!" "Boy, am I losing my touch." "How much is it going to cost me?" "How much is it going to cost me?" "Now, Ricky, don't get mad till I show it to you." "You've got to agree it's a bargain." "Isn't it the cutest thing you've ever seen?" "How much?" "Notice the full skirt and the sensational neckline?" " How much?" "Isn't it a divine color, Ricky?" "How much?" "Of course, I'll have to shorten it a little." "How much?" "!" "About two-and-a-half inches." "I'll have that done tomorrow." "Let me see that, let me see that." "Este vestidito?" "Esta cochita tan flaquita?" "Este pedacito de tela?" "$59.95!" "Y despues de todo eso hay que pagar tambien, plus sales tax!" "Well, that means you like it, doesn't it?" "Now, Lucy, you don't need that dress." " You got plenty of clothes." " No, I haven't." "I looked in my closet this morning and you know what?" " I haven't a thing to wear." " I haven't a thing to wear." "Well, I haven't." "Honey, you got a closet full of clothes." "Well, all my friends have seen me in them." "Well, then get yourself a new set of friends." "Very funny." "Look, honey, I'm not going to pay for that dress." "Then I will!" "All right, you pay for it." "I'm not going to stand here and argue." "I got to get dressed to go to the show." "She's going to pay for it." "(chuckles)" "Well, I will!" "I'll show you, I'll get a job!" "RICKY:" "Job?" "You?" "Ha!" "I could make money if I wanted to." "Where are you ever get a job?" "How about using me in your club as a singer?" "As a dancer?" "Chorus girl?" "Parking cars?" "Oh..." "See you later, honey." "Ricky!" "Where are you going?" "Going down to the club." "Well, put some clothes on!" "Well, I'd love to, honey, but, uh, I haven't a thing to wear." "Oh..." "Good morning, Lucy." "Lucy?" "Well, this is a switch." "Lucy, I haven't got any breakfast." "It's on the stove." "Get it yourself." "Now, Lucy..." "Listen, I am no longer the doting housewife." "If you are going to send me out into the world of business to earn my own money, you can just treat me like a fellow businessman." "All right, fellow businessman." "Hey, pardon me, will you pass the sugar, mister?" "Any good jobs open, Mac?" "Lots of them." "I just have to take my choice." "Stenographer." "Nah." "Bookkeeper." "Nah." " Cook." " No!" "Lady wrestler." "Hmm..." "Oh, this is terribly unfair." "What is?" "Well, apparently, you can't get a job in this town unless you can do something." "Yeah, how about that?" "Well, good-bye, fellow worker." "Good-bye." "Oh, listen, honey, I won't be home till late tonight." "Jerry has me booked in some charity affair or something." "Okay." "I'll see you later, bye." "Bye." "Good morning, Lucy." "Hi." "Well, how did you make out last night?" "Did you get to keep the dress?" "I can keep it if I pay for it." "I'm going to get a job." "Job?" "You?" "Ha!" "Well, you don't have to get nasty about it." "There's a lot of things in here that I can do." "What, for instance?" "Well, I could be a... um..." "Well, I could..." "I could be a baby-sitter." "Yeah." "50 cents an hour." "Oh..." "Gee, it's disgusting the measly wages they pay baby-sitters." "At that rate, it would take you a year to pay for that dress." "Look at that-- "Baby-sitter, 50 cents an hour." ""Baby-sitter, 50 cents an hour." ""Baby-sitter, $50 an..." "Five dollars an hour!"" "Oh, that must be a misprint." "No, it isn't, right there" ""Baby-sitter, five dollars an hour."" "I'm going to call up and see if that's right." "Susquehanna seven..." "Listen, Lucy, if they're willing to pay five dollars an hour for a baby-sitter, there's a catch in it someplace." "I don't care." "I wonder what kind of a baby it could be?" "Listen, for five dollars an hour," "I'll sit with a baby gorilla." "Hello?" "Hello, I'm calling about your ad in the paper." "Five dollars an hour for baby-sitting, is that correct?" "Well, why do you pay so much?" "I mean, what kind of a baby is it?" "A little boy." "A little boy what?" "I mean, is it human?" "What is it?" "It's all right, it's just a little boy." "There's something fishy!" "Yes, yes, yes, you can bring him around this afternoon." "The name is Mrs. Ricardo, 623 East 68th Street." "About 2:00?" "Fine." "All right, good-bye." "Just think, Ethel, if she leaves him here four hours this afternoon, I'll make $20." "If you're still alive." "Oh, don't be so pessimistic." "It's just a little boy." "Now, what do you think" "I'd better have ready for him when he gets here?" "A little girl." "(doorbell buzzes)" "Mrs. Ricardo?" "Mrs. Hudson?" " Yes." " Oh, come in, please." "Thank you." "This must be your little boy." "Yes, this is our little Jimmy." "Hello, Jimmy, want me to help you off with your..." "I can take it off myself!" "Uh, what's the matter, Jimmy?" "Don't you like me?" "I like you." "And we're going to have lots of fun together today, now, aren't we?" "Oh, brother!" "Well, I'll be running along now and leave Jimmy with you." "I'm due at the hairdresser." "We're going to be in a show this evening." "Oh, really?" "Well, it's just an amateur contest that our club is giving." "It's for charity..." "I'm hungry!" "Oh, Jimmy, dear, your mother is talking." "I'm hungry!" "I'm hungry!" "Ahh!" "Oh...!" "Jimmy!" "Well, I'll leave you two alone and I'll be back about 5:00." "Well, I'm sure we'll be all right." "Now, Jimmy, you behave." "Yeah." "Oh, all these lovely things." "(clucking tongue)" "Well, good-bye." "Good-bye." "Ooh." "Hey, I said I was hungry!" "All right, all right." "Yeah, cookies and milk in the kitchen." "Come on." "Right over there." "(mouthing)" "Uh, more cookies, Jimmy?" "Yeah." "Help yourself." "Here, Elmer, eat that." "What do you have in there?" "It's my pet frog, Elmer." "Oh!" "Well, put that thing away." "How can you carry something like that around with you?" "Aah, women!" "What's out here?" "Oh, that's the back porch." "Now, don't go out;" "you'll fall off." "Are you kidding?" "No, now, Jimmy, I mean it!" "Now, come on, you go in the living room and you wait for me." "We'll be in..." "I'll play games with you." "Now, go ahead." "Well, here I am." "Game time." "Well, I've been waiting for you." "What took you so long?" "Well, uh, what game would you like to play?" "Who wants to play games?" "L'm hungry" "Hungry?" "How could you possibly be hungry?" "I'm hungry!" "I'm hungry!" "Ahh!" "Oh...!" "All right!" "I made a mistake!" "Okay!" "Out here!" "Over there." "Sit down." "Oh, my, look at those dirty hands!" "Oh, you go wash your hands." "I don't want to." "You go into the living room, into the bathroom and wash your hands!" "Now, go on." "Aw..." "Ehhh..." "I said go wash your hands!" "What for?" "They're clean!" "What kind of a nitwit do you think I am?" "I don't know, what kind are you?" "Well, they're clean." "I don't know how you did it so fast, but come on." "What's that for?" "You said you were hungry!" "You already gave me some of those lousy cookies." "Well, I know..." "Guess you're having a hard time getting rid of them, aren't you?" "That does it, all right, into the living room we'll play games, I'll be in." "(huffs)" "Well?" "Well, what?" "Where's my cookies and milk?" "You said you didn't want any." "You won't give me any cookies and milk!" "I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry!" "(yells)" "Do I get my cookies and milk?" "Are you sure this time?" "Sure, I'm sure!" "All right, sit down!" "(doorbell buzzing)" "(both scream)" "(crying)" "What's the matter, what's the matter?" "You scared me." "How did you get out there?" "I walked out." "But you were..." "(both scream)" "Quit scaring me!" "Now, listen, that's a very funny trick, that disappearing, but don't you do it again, see." "I thought you said we were going to play games." "All right." "What kind of a game do you want to play?" "How about cowboys and Indians?" "What?" "Cowboys!" "And Indians!" "Why, what a dirty trick!" "Why didn't your mother tell me you were twins?" "Because nobody will baby-sit with us when she does." "Yeah, one of us is bad enough, but two of us-- mur-der!" "You can say that again." "Come on, let's play cowboys and Indians." "Well, now that I know I'm sane," "I guess can face anything." "We'll be the Indians and you'll be the cowboy, and we'll burn you at the stake." "Burn me at the stake?" "Yeah." "Oh, no, no, let's find another game." "What about "here we go round the maypole"?" "Well, that sounds tame enough." "I saw a rope we can use on the back porch." "Be careful, now." "Don't fall off." "Aah..." "Ehh..." "Say, is all this red stuff real?" "Well, it should be!" "I paid enough for it." "Here's the rope, Tim." "All right, stand up." "Boy, this is going to be fun." "You hold the middle of the rope 'cause you're the maypole." "Okay." "ALL:" "♪ Here we go round the maypole ♪" "♪ The maypole, the maypole ♪" "♪ Here we go round the maypole, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪" "♪ Here we go round the maypole, the maypole, the maypole ♪" "♪ Here we go round the maypole, na, na, na, na, na. ♪" "(fanfare playing)" "(whooping)" "We'll start a fire and burn her at the stake!" "Yeah, these papers will burn swell." "Fellas, you're kidding, I hope!" "Fellas!" "Fellas!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "You gag her, I'll get the stake." "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "(muffled screaming)" "(twins whooping)" "(muffled cry)" "(whooping)" "How, me get matches." "(muffled yell)" "How, paleface get um hot seat." "(muffled scream)" "(phone rings)" "(muffled shouting)" "Hello." "Hello, hello, Jimmy?" "Or is it Timmy?" "Let me speak to Mrs. Ricardo." "She can't talk now." "(muffled screams)" "Timmy, is Mrs. Ricardo on fire?" "Not yet." "Well, it's a good thing for you she isn't!" "You know your father said he would spank you both if you burn just one more sitter at the stake!" "Now, you let me talk to her!" "Oh, all right." "Mom wants to talk to you." "Take the gag out." "Hello." "Hello!" "Oh, well, you found out my little joke." "(laughing)" "(mocking her laughter)" "Oh, listen, now, I'm all tied up." "Yeah, well, that makes two of us." "Uh, I wonder, Mrs. Ricardo, if you would take my place with the boys at the amateur contest tonight." "What?" "If you win, I'll let you keep the prize money-- $100." "$100?" "Well..." "Oh, thank you, Mrs. Ricardo." "I don't..." "I didn't..." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Okay, boys, meet the new partner in your act." "You're going to do the act instead of Mom?" "Yeah, but I have a hunch I'd be better off if I just let you burn me at the stake." "(boys laugh as Lucy mocks laughter)" "Untie me!" "(applause)" "Very, very fine." "Wasn't that fine?" "That was little, uh... uh, Willie Mae, little Willie Mae, who played the guitar with her feet." "Well, I'll try playing the guitar with my hands." "She probably does better with her feet." "(laughter)" "Are you ready, girls?" "Here we go." "Oh, this is a song, a brand-new ballad." "It's called" ""I'm Breaking My Back, Putting Up a Front For You."" "A-one, a-two... (band plays Latin swing music)" "♪ I bought a 12-room house, a mountain lodge ♪" "♪ A lemon-yellow Cadillac in a blue garage ♪" "♪ I'm a-breaking my back putting up a front for you ♪" "♪ I bought an aeroplane, it's just for kicks ♪" "♪ Holds twice as many passengers as a DC-6 ♪" "♪ I'm a-breaking my back putting up a front for you ♪" "♪ Oh... say, my heart goes bang, babe ♪" "♪ When I look at you, sister, I'm gone ♪" "♪ Who... gives a hang, babe ♪" "♪ If my bank account's overdrawn?" "♪" "♪ I'm getting pedicures and manicures ♪" "♪ Just ever since I took a look at that pan of yours ♪" "I I'm breaking my back putting up a front for you ♪" "Yeah, let's hear it, boys, let's hear it!" "Yep, ah!" "(playing Latin swing)" "♪ I own a private train, it's pure gold leaf ♪" "♪ On Friday nights I hook it onto the Super Chief ♪" "♪ Breaking my back putting up a front for you. ♪" "Yeah!" "♪ I got a French valet, a camp-de-aide ♪" "♪ A very famous movie star is my upstairs maid ♪" "♪ Breaking my back putting up a front for you. ♪" "Oh, you girl!" "♪ Oh... say, my heart goes bang, babe ♪" "♪ When I look at you, sister, I choke ♪" "♪ Who gives a hang, babe?" "♪" "J" I'm a Cuban who's got to go broke ♪" "♪ I bought a diamond ring worth 20 grand I" "♪ But I would gladly trade it in for a wedding band ♪" "♪ I'm a-breaking my back putting up a front for you ♪" "Oh, yes, you...!" "I Oh, breaking my back putting up a front for you. ♪" "Hey!" "(applause)" "Thank you, thank you." "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen." "And now... the last contestant of the evening is, uh..." "Mrs. Hudson and the twins." "Uh, are you ready?" "Oh, this is your music?" "Okay." "They are going to do..." ""Ragtime Cowboy Joe."" "Here you are, Mr. Rizzo, "Ragtime Cowboy Joe."" "Mrs. Hudson and the twins." "Go ahead." "(playing "Ragtime Cowboy Joe")" "(spittoon rings)" "(spittoon rings)" "(spittoon explodes)" "ALL:" "♪ He always sings ♪" "♪ Swinging music to the cattle ♪" "♪ As he swings back and forward in the saddle ♪" "♪ On a horse that is syncopated-gaited ♪" "♪ And there's such a funny meter to the roar of his repeater ♪" "♪ How they run when they hear the feller's gun ♪" "♪ Because the Western folks all know ♪" "♪ He's a highfalutin, scooting', shootin' ♪" "♪ Son of a gun from Arizona ♪" "♪ Ragtime cowboy, swing time cowboy ♪" "♪ Ragtime cowboy Joe!" "♪" "(cap guns shooting)" "Elmer, you bad frog!" "Get back in your box!" "Elmer!" "What?" "Whoa, whoa..." "RICK:" "Conga, conga!" "Conga, conga, conga... (conga music plays)" "All right, all right!" "(applause)" "(cheering)" "(applause continues)" "Okay, I guess..." "I guess there's no doubt about it." "The winners of our $100 cash prize" "Mrs. Hudson and the twins." "Here you are, Mrs. Hudson, $100." " Thank you, Mr. Ricardo." " You're welcome." "Lucy!" "(applause)" "(I Love Lucy theme music plays)"