"Previously on The Real L Word..." "I don't know why you have to be such a bitch all the time." "I'm not a bitch." "You're a fucking self-entitled little asshole." "I feel frustrated because when I play a good show with Somer, it feels so good." "But when we have to put up with some of her bullshit, it just seems like maybe it's not worth it." "Dude, I can't just call you whenever I want." "I'm in a van with people." "What do you fucking want from me?" "I'm still trying to call you after I'm pushing all this shit across town." "[Crying]" "Cori went into preterm labor." "So Charlie came way early." "She couldn't survive." "It's so hard to think about the future." "[Sniffles] I'm just so stuck here now." "[Crying] It's not fair." "Amanda and I are finally alone, so I'm excited at the prospect of having a fun hook-up situation." "Hey, I'm homesick." " Homesick?" " Yeah." "I still have feelings for my ex-girlfriend, and if Lauren knew, she'd definitely kill me." "I have an idea." " Let's take a trip to New York." " Really?" "I feel a little better." "How long do I go just taking what I can get?" "And I don't think that he gets how unhappy I am." "I think he thinks I'm fine." ""She's great." "We have great sex."" ""She's fine." You know what I mean?" "No, I'm not happy." "[Moaning]" " [Gasps] - [Laughs]" " Baby, will you marry me?" " Yes." "[Laughter] Oh, my God." " What is that?" " What do you think it is?" "Are you kidding?" "It's not necessarily what you envision in your head your parent's reaction being." "[Love darling's hazy]" "♪ It was just the other night ♪" "♪ I don't want to think about it ♪" "♪ I don't want to start a fight ♪" "♪ I don't want to think about it ♪" "♪ every time I take a step left right ♪" "♪ yeah I think I'm gonna sleep real good tonight ♪" "♪ just think about it ♪" "♪ you'll find a way to make me crazy ♪" "♪ hazy ♪" "♪ so hypnotized ♪" "♪ think of the blue skies new eyes ♪" "♪ and I will never roam again ♪" "♪ and I'm back in love again ♪" "♪ and I see the stars again ♪" "♪ found my way back home again ♪ [rock music]" "♪ Every kiss you give ♪" "♪ takes my breath away ♪" "♪ no, I'm nothing I'm nothing without you ♪" "♪ you take my love to a special place ♪" "I think right now I'm starting to feel a little nervous." "What are you gonna say?" "What do you mean?" "I don't know." "And are you gonna tell them, like... what are you gonna say?" "And are you gonna tell them in Portuguese?" "[Laughs] Yeah." "And tell me the words, so I can recognize them." " [Laughs]" " What are they?" "Um, Whitney... [speaking Portuguese]" "What does that mean?" ""Whitney asked me to marry her."" "And I'm gonna say, "and then I said no."" "We're getting ready to go to San Jose to tell my parents that I am newly engaged, and..." " You're engaged?" " I'm nervous." "I'm feeling overwhelmed, a little scared, but I'm also very excited to tell them." "I'm gonna ask them in Portuguese." " [Laughs]" " Tell me." "What is it?" "Well, you can't ask them." "You already asked me." " Oh, I'm gonna tell them." " [Laughs]" "What is it?" " [Speaking portuguese] - [Repeating]" " [Speaking portuguese] - [Repeating]" " [Speaking portuguese] - [Repeating]" " [Speaking portuguese] - [Repeating]" " [Speaking portuguese] - [Repeating]" " [Speaking portuguese] - [Repeating]" "My family is super traditional, and by traditional, I mean, you know, my parents were born on an island off the coast of Portugal." "There aren't a lot of people on the island, for one, and they didn't know a lot of gay people, or they've never seen a gay wedding." "You know, it's mostly that it's not a social norm for my family." "They've never been around that." "I can't with this outfit." "I'm not feeling confident." "You look... then change your shoes if it's a problem." "And I need to feel confident of..." "I think it's my pants." "No, I love your pants." "There's nothing wrong with your pants." "[Sighs] I think it's my shirt." "I mean, no." "I feel like I wanna, like, look presentable." "You look like a 15-year-old little skater boy." "[Laughs] Oh, my God." " It's cute." " No, that's not cute." "Well, I think it is cute." "I meant that in a cute way." "You look hot." "I wanna do a 15-year-old skater boy." "Oh, my God." "I'm starting to have a little bit of nerves kicking in." "Like, Sara's parents are very traditional." "And weddings are huge in the Portuguese community." "I mean, you know, it's an all-out thing." "And now Sara's having a wedding, and who is she marrying?" "A woman." "This guy right here." "Hey!" "You look like someone I wanna marry." "Yeah, I better." "You do." "You are." "Do you have your ring?" "It's on my finger." "[Romantic music]" "♪ I was once a little girl ♪" "♪ and you will never be smaller than me ♪" "♪ and all I've ever wanted ♪" "♪ is to be ♪" "♪ I am drowning in my mind ♪" "♪ scanning all my senses ♪" "♪ ♪" "Hey, big guy." "♪ I'm surrounded by your words ♪" "[Cat purring]" "Cori and I have gotten used to just being here with each other." "It's been, uh, pretty difficult... damn near impossible to leave the house." "[Sighs]" "Hi, buddy." "[Cat purring]" "Our lives have just stopped and have shattered, and we're just so broken." "I just wanna crawl in a hole and pretend that... this isn't my life." "We are both... brokenhearted and sad, and we are there together, sitting there in the pit of hell." "And I wouldn't..." "I wouldn't..." "I wouldn't want to be there with anybody else but her." "[Solemn music]" "♪ ♪" "Don't go nowhere, okay?" " Don't worry." " Yeah." "♪ Your darkness in this drop ♪" "♪ but I'm the thief who blew the lights ♪" "So are you excited?" "I'm thrilled." "We have the best week planned." "I'm excited to be here." "I think it will be pretty fun 'cause we have so much to do..." "Work, play, seeing friends." " I can't wait to take a shower." " Me too." "I'm wearing no makeup, and I feel like a troll." "[Grunts]" "I'm so homesick." "I really miss New York." "So Lauren and I planned a little trip to the city for a couple days." "A good friend of mine was like," ""okay, stay at my house,"" "and it's just nice to be back in Brooklyn." "[Grunts]" "And there goes the floor mat." "[Laughs] There goes the neighborhood." "We're here." "And we're gonna destroy everything." "[Collar jingles] Hi, pup." "I wonder what his name is." "Hi, what's your name?" "What is your... ow!" "[Laughs]" "He's a biter." "It kinda smells like dog pee everywhere." "Ugh." "Even in the bathroom." "All right." "You're showering first, yeah?" "Yes. [Water running]" "Ew, this is such a boy's... ew, the toilet seat was sticky." "Oh, my God." "I'm gonna freak out." "I'm sorry it's so gross. [Laughs]" "All right, I'm showering really quick." "When Amanda and I both lived in New York at the same time, we were wifed up." "We had long-term relationships." "So this is our first time really actually out in New York single, and I'm excited to go out and have fun with her." "I gotta go." "Okay, how long are you gonna be gone?" "Like an hour." "I just..." "I'm just, like, running some errands." "You're ready to go, like, once you get back?" "Yeah." "I'll see you in a little bit." "Okay, I'll see you in a little bit." "[Door shuts]" "[Upbeat rock music]" "♪ ♪" "South by Southwest was awesome." "We did a really good job." "We busted our asses, but there were some altercations." "For every show that Somer sounded really good, there was another show that was a complete catastrophe." "Yay!" "[Van door opens]" "New York soil." "All right." "So let's get your scheiße." "This is yours too, right?" "Yeah, both those little bags." "Awesome." " Ooh, smells like fucking fish." " Fish?" " Smells like New York." " Ugh." "Whoo." "[Laughs]" "[Knock on door]" "[Dog barking] Shh." "Hello?" " Baby?" " [Laughing] Yay!" "Hello, hey." "Everyone's in the hallway with all my shit." " Hi." " Hi." " What's up?" " Missed you." " All right, we're outta here." " Bye, guys." " Have fun." " See you Tuesday." "Thanks for helping." "All:" "Bye." "Bye." "Thanks for bringing her back in one piece." "[Laughs] Hi." "Mm." "How you doing?" "You tired?" "Yeah." "We drove all night." "You look really, really good for someone who's been on the road and driving all night." "Thanks, baby." "Hi. [Dog snorting]" " Hey." " Missed you." "Oh, my God, I missed you so much." "It felt like forever." "Two weeks without Donna is a long time." "It's very psychologically and emotionally exhausting." "All I could think about was just being at home with her and cuddling in bed." "And she's always there for me to bounce ideas off of and give me a good perspective, and those are all things that I really felt like I craved while I was on the road, especially when things weren't going well." "I only have, like, an hour..." "[Dog whines] before I have to go." "I missed you." "I don't want you to go for, like, months at a time, you know." "I don't know if I'd be able to handle it." "Well, we have to have, like, a whole conversation about touring and the band and everything that happened and..." "Because..." "I don't know." "It was... it was... it seemed like a long time away from you for two weeks, and on top of it, it was like, you know," "I got in that big fight with Kiyomi, and..." "I don't know." "I just think we have a lotta stuff to, like, talk about between you and me, you know?" "You know, Kiyomi and I never had a conversation after we had a fight, and we both sort of went for the jugular and were very vicious, and we never sat down afterward and said, "hey,"" "like, "I'm sorry I said this." "I'm sorry I said that."" "So even though we went on to play some great shows," "I'm not really sure where I stand with the band." "It's just a lot of personalities trying to get along." "There's no barriers." "There's no politeness that you... that you have with a friend." "It's just all out there." "You're just, like, naked and bloody and, like... you know what I mean?" "So the day-to-day of it is really, really, hard, to get to that, like, 45 minutes of pure joy when we're playing together." "I'm sorry I dumped all that on you." "I just... it's... it's been on my mind, driving and thinking about it all the time and being like, "what's the right answer?" You know?" "[Electronic rock music] ♪ just a little bit more ♪" "♪ just a little bit more of the same old thing ♪" "♪ I would trade it all in ♪" "♪ for a diamond ring ♪" "♪ ah ♪" "[Vocalizing]" "♪ For a diamond ring ♪" "♪ ah ♪" " [Speaking portuguese] - [Laughs]" "I am feeling a bit uneasy but excited to see my family and nervous to tell them the news about the engagement." "I'm feeling just so unsure of what is going to happen." " Cheers." " It's so good, the summer." " The weather?" " The weather." "Oh, yeah, it's beautiful." "I couldn't get wine into my body fast enough." "My nerves were a little bit on edge." "[Laughs]" "Ah." "[Speaking Portuguese]" "I hope it's something good." "[Speaking Portuguese]" "You're gonna move back?" "We're gonna move back home?" "No." "[Laughs]" "You move back, Sara?" " [Laughs] - [Speaking Portuguese]" " [Laughs loudly] - [Speaking Portuguese]" " Tell them." " [Speaking Portuguese]" " Tell them, babe." " [Laughing hysterically]" "Tell them." "Oh, my..." "I am just kind of panicking." "It's like, I know what I want to say, and it just won't come out of my mouth." "And so it's just, uh, "ka-ka-ka," you know." "I'm nervous. [Speaking Portuguese]" " [Speaking portuguese]" " Oh, my God." "[Laughs]" "[Chuckles]" "[Awkward laughter]" " Do you guys love me?" " Yes." "I love you very much, Sara." "Um..." " What?" " I'm, uh..." " Sad?" " Well, old-fashioned still." "What do you think?" "What does that mean?" "Oh, I don't know." "This is a big surprise for me." "It's not... it's not easy." "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm saying that, but it's not easy." "[Sobs]" "[Speaking Portuguese]" "I mean, you're always so..." "Mom." "[Speaking Portuguese]" "No, no, no problem." "Oh, mom." "So yeah, I'm not 100% well versed on Portuguese, but I'm pretty well versed on the look of shock and dismay and tears." "That's a dead giveaway." "She's not 100% happy about this." "[Sniffles and chuckles] No, that..." "Uh, she got me, uh, surprised, very." " That's why." " I'm not surprised." "You're not surprised?" "No?" "I love my daughter, and I will do everything for her to be happy." "And we really like Whitney, and she's a very nice person." "[Speaking Portuguese]" "I love you, mom." "I love you too." "[Both speaking Portuguese]" "Yeah, I'm happy, Sara." "Oh, come here." "I love you." "I never believe in gay marry." "I thought marry is for woman and a man." "Plus it's not only me." "Really I don't believe my family is going to the wedding." "They all love me very much." "Very much." "Very close family." "But I don't think they do that even for me." "[Sniffles]" "I'm just not prepared." "That's it." "I love you, mom." "I love you too, [Speaks Portuguese]." "Don't be sad." "I love you." "I love you, [Speaks portuguese]." "I love you too." "[Nikki Yanofsky's Grey Skies]" "♪ Grey skies seem right ♪" "♪ an encore to last night ♪" "[Line ringing]" "♪ Your song played on and on and on ♪" "Amanda leaves to go run errands, and I'm kind of like, "all right, cool."" "But as time goes by and more time and more time," "I'm kind of like, "all right, where the hell are you?"" "It's been three hours, and she said she'd be gone for one." "You've reached Amanda." "Leave your message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible." "Thanks. [Beep]" "Hey, it's Lauren." "Um, I don't know where you are, but I'm gonna leave now 'cause I cannot be here anymore." "It's so disgusting." "It smells so bad." "So meet me at the bar, okay?" "Bye." "[Phone beeps]" "♪ I am waiting ♪" "♪ waiting for you ♪" "[Dance music]" "♪ ♪" "How are you?" "Good." "How are you?" "Good." "Ah." "What's going on?" "Nothing." "I just wanted to talk to you." "Uh, okay." "I just feel like..." "I don't know." "I don't think that you really..." "I don't feel like you really love me." "And I feel like I... have been, like, giving way more of myself to you and feeling like you're still... there's still something that's, like, not allowing you to give yourself to me." "I can't do, like, settling for half-ass from you." "I don't want you to feel like that." "I do feel like that though, and I feel like when you're ready to give yourself fully to somebody, like, it's gonna be awesome, but it's not me." "How do you feel?" "I mean..." "I think that's stupid." "We've been dating, you know what I mean, like, for a little while again, and, like, we've known each other for a while, Jay, and, like, we're doing this relationship again," "and it still feels like I deserve a little more from you, and I'm not getting it." "And I don't want to be the girl that's, like, the in-between, you know?" "I'm looking across, and I know in my heart," ""you're not in a place to be in a relationship with me."" "And I have somebody who loves me so much." "I have Kelsey, who knows everything about me, and she loves me." "I don't think that I can continue, if I have any self-worth, to, like, give myself to somebody who doesn't deserve me." "I want you to fight for me sometimes, and you don't." "So I just..." "I'm gonna go and let you do you and me do me, and..." "I don't wanna feel sad all the time, you know." "Well, I just want you to be happy, Rom." "And if I'm not making you happy, then..." "Then that's it." "Okay." "I'm gonna go." "Okay." "[Soft rock music]" "♪ ♪" "♪ come play the card ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ come say good night ♪" "[Vocalizing]" "♪ I know you're scared ♪" "So I haven't seen Ali in, like, two weeks." "We fought the majority of the time that I was on tour and didn't really get along." "So I'm gonna do something really sweet, and I'm hoping that by me doing this, it will show Ali that I care about her, and, you know, maybe we can try and start off on a good note." "[Keys jingling]" "Hi." "Hi." "Mm." "[Kisses]" " I got you a flower." " Aww, babe!" " I got you a lot of flowers." " You d..." "Oh, my God." "You're so romantic." "No." "Baby." "Mm." "Don't tell nobody." "[Laughs] Okay, I won't." "Oh, my God." "Look at... you're so corny." "[Laughs]" "Aw, it's so sweet." "You just called me corny." "Well, it is corny, but it's corny and sweet." "But you like cheesy." "[Kissing]" "You're the best." "Our relationship is a roller coaster." "The downs suck so bad, but the ups are so good, because when we are together and we're good, nothing can come in between us." "[Kissing]" "I'm sorry I pissed you off." "I just wanna kiss you for hours and hours." "Do you wanna call in sick for the next three days?" "[Laughs] I wish I could." "[Laughs]" "[Phantods' One Hundred Years]" "♪ ♪" " I love you." " I love you too." "♪ It's all telling me ♪" "♪ to let it go ♪" "♪ before you carry it around ♪" "♪ for another hundred years ♪" "[Indistinct chatter]" " Hey, how are you, baby?" " Good." "How are you?" "Good." "[Upbeat dance music] ♪ halt, proceed with caution ♪" "♪ halt ♪" "♪ you don't want this ♪ [Phone dings]" "♪ You think you're at my speed ♪" "♪ but I am number one ♪" "♪ I'm in fifth gear full speed ♪" "♪ doing 141 ♪" "Amanda was supposed to meet me four hours ago." "I'm sitting here in this bar, getting more pissed and more pissed." "I'm just mad because she lied." "She's like, "I'm gonna run some errands,"" "and I'm fairly sure she went to see an ex-girlfriend." "[Line trilling]" " Lauren?" " Hello?" "Look, I'll call you back in a minute, okay?" "No." "I'll be there in, like..." "No, no, no." "You said you're on your way." " Yeah, I'm coming." " Whatever." "I don't come to Brooklyn that often, but I'm in Brooklyn." "I'm gonna make the best of it." "I'm gonna have fun." "Like, literally, screw Amanda." "I'm gonna do my thing." "[Indistinct chatter]" "Such a gentleman." "Just a gentleman." "Not here." "Where's your girlfriend?" " I'm Sherry, by the way." " Hi." "Lauren." " What's your name?" " Lauren." " Lauren." " Nice to meet you." "I figured since we're in the same vicinity," "I might as well introduce myself." " Yeah, of course." " Say, "what's up?"" " Nice to meet you." " Everyone calls me Swits." " Swits?" " Swits, yeah." "Okay." "Swits, this chick with a headband and a really slicked-back ponytail just walks right straight up and starts talking to me." "She thinks she's got game." "I'm trying to play basketball this weekend." "You wanna come be my cheerleader?" "We'll see." "Let me know." "You can text me details." "We'll see." "Oh, are you asking for my number?" "No." "In order for me to text you, you gotta have my number." "It's okay." " Where's your phone?" " Wow." "Swits has no chance now of ever hooking up with me." "But anything, honestly, at this point, is better than sitting in the stinky apartment." "[Hip-hop music]" "[Singing in spanish]" "Sorry." "Yeah, you're sorry." "I haven't been here, and I just, like, wanted to see some of my friends." "You didn't... you didn't have to lie." " I didn't lie." " Yeah, you did." "Don't lie." "You lied." "Okay, well, I wanted to see some people." "You didn't have to lie, Amanda." "I'm your friend." "[Snickers]" "Lauren was so pissed when I showed up late to the bar 'cause she kept texting me and calling me, like, "where are you?" "Where are you?" "Where are you?"" "And I'm like, "I'll be there soon."" "Like, I don't need to be, like, be at the bar ordering my glass of wine at 11:00 on the dot, so it's like," ""all right, do your thing." "I'll be there in a bit."" "I've been here without you the entire night." "It's fucking midnight." "Honestly, not okay." "Okay, I'm sorry." "I can't help wanting to see people." "You're so about you." "It's you, you, you, you, you." "I couldn't help it." "I'm sorry." " You're what?" " I couldn't help it." "I'm sorry." "I sat here by myself, what, since..." "I don't know." "I don't know." "It's midnight now." "I didn't mean to, and also the time in the car is an hour behind, so I thought that it was 10:00, and it was 11:00." " Fuck off." " No, I'm serious." "No, I swear to God." "I swear." "Come on." "Like, I hate this about women." "Like, God knows I love women, but I hate this about them." "It's like they just never let anything go." "And sometimes I feel like Lauren's, like, my wife." "'Cause it was so disgusting-smelling that I had to leave and walk the streets of..." "No, it's not funny... without you." "Not knowing where the fuck I was." "Okay, I'm..." "I'm sorry." "Genuinely sorry, okay?" "My phone died, and then I put it back in the car to charge, and then I left it in there." "And I'm sorry, okay?" "Yeah, whatever." "I'm not stupid." "Making excuses just makes the situation worse." "And I need to stop being lied to." "♪ You need me now ♪" "♪ so, baby, get over it ♪" "♪ that's what you told me ♪" "♪ when I thought ♪" "I hope you find a dress you love today so we can at least check that off the list." "You think I'm gonna find it in one day?" "You never know." "I kinda wish you could come." "You would hate it." "Would you hate it?" "I just don't think I should be there for it if you..." "Of course not." "Okay, that's fine." "I'd just like to cut right to the end result." "You coming towards me down the aisle." "You know, maybe this process today will..." "I begged my mother to come dress shopping with me, and finally she said she'd come." "I hope that today my mother seeing me in a dress and seeing me happy will make her happier for me and just kind of more accepting of our wedding and relationship as a whole." " Hi, how are you?" " Good, how are you?" "How can I help you?" "I just wanted to try on some dresses." "If I could try the ones with straps, without straps." "Do you have dresses by Watters?" "Yeah, sure." "This one, look." "Oh, yeah, I like this one." "I do wanna try this one." " You don't like this one?" " Yeah, I like that one." "Can I write down the style of the dress?" "That's Watters  Watters, and it actually has a name." "The name of the dress is Vanessa." " Oh, Vanessa?" " [Speaking Portuguese]" "It's going to be fine." "Okay." "I don't know, I think Whitney likes strapless, huh?" " I really like this a lot." " You really like this one?" "Yeah." "I wish I could ask Whitney." "I'm like..." " Too much flowers, Sara." " This one?" "It's tough, you know." "I want my mom to be happy for me." "I saw her happy for my sister when she got married, so it's like, I know the difference." "You know, I saw the way that she was before in the same situation." "It's gorgeous, huh?" "And I love this in the waist." "It's pretty, isn't it?" "Beautiful dress, but I..." "You're gonna have a wedding without a man, no?" "Just no husband." "I don't think my parents ever thought that I was going to be gay." "As a child, you know, I was very feminine." "I wore dresses." "I played with dolls." "So it's a very hard thing to accept or to understand." "Okay, let's go show them." "I think it looks really pretty." "No?" "I like the back on the other one." "The way that I came out to my mom was I wrote her a letter and hoped for the best after she read it." "[Chuckles]" "I was in cosmetology school, and my mom, she was bringing me to school, and when she dropped me off at school," "I left the letter on the seat." "In the letter, it said, you know, "this is my best friend"," ""but I'm also in love with her." "And this is not a phase." "This is a real thing."" "You know, "I'm gay."" "And so, when I called her, she told me," ""what letter?" "There was no letter there."" "And I said, "mom, yes, there was."" "I know for a fact that the letter was there."" "And I know she read the entire thing and just had nothing to say." "And then after I broke into tears and started crying," "I said, "mom, what I wrote in that letter"" "is really important to me." "I need you to acknowledge it."" "And she said, "whatever it says"," ""I never want you to repeat it again." "I don't want to hear about it." "I don't believe it, and I don't want you to ever even think about telling your dad 'cause you'll kill him."" "So that was really heartbreaking, you know, because it was like completely cutting off me, you know, expressing who it is that I am." "This one is the one you like the most for now?" "I think so, yeah." "I love the back." "Yeah, the back is beautiful." "It is so cute." "[Christa Wells' panning for gold]" "♪ I go to the riverbed ♪" "♪ shoes on the shore ♪" "♪ I'm shaking a little bit ♪" "♪ hardly know what ♪" " What are we gonna say?" " "Hi, I... "" ""Thank you so much." "You made an impossible situation slightly more bearable."" "Leaving the house has been really difficult, but it's time." "I just... it's just time to rip the band-aid off." "So today we're gonna go see the nurses." "These are the women that were incredible to us when we were in the hospital going through the hard times." "Here, right?" "Hi." "Hi." "Oh. [Laughs]" "Do you guys remember us?" " Yes." " [Laughing]" "[Crying] Oh, my gosh." "Hi." "Hi." "You ready for me?" "I really thought I was gonna be able to keep it together." "Don't cry." "Don't cry." "Hi." "Oh, my God, I am so glad to see you." "Hello." "It's good to see them." "They played a really important role in one of the... the biggest moments in our life." "I need a minute. [Laughs]" "That's okay." "Take a minute." "That's fine." "That's fine." "It was just... it was so horrible, and you guys were just so incredible." "It just felt like I was being taken care of by friends, you know?" " Oh, thank you." " I'm glad." "And we talk about you guys and how much just that little bit easier you helped make it." "Every time we think of her, we also think of you guys." "So thank you." "These are just a very small gesture, but you will never know what you did for us both days." " That means the world to us." " Yeah." "You're so welcome." "It validates what we do." "I don't know how you do it." "We were talking about it." "Like, I don't know how you do it." "It's nice to be able to say thank you, but it's definitely bittersweet." "I think I thought that being here and seeing them again would somehow give me some sort of closure, but I've..." "I have to just reconcile in my head that it will never be closed." "Something will always be missing." "Someone." "In all the events or things that I've seen here," "I never saw a couple bond the way you guys did." "Definitely." "And the way you bonded with Charlie for as long, um, I will never forget that." "You know, that's... that's what love is." "That's... there's nothing more beautiful than that." "You know, so I'll... uh, thank you." " Hang." "Hang in there." " I know, I know." "Hang in there." "We're doing okay." "All right." "Okay." " You're good?" " Yeah." " You guys are amazing." " Yeah." " I'm glad you guys were here." " Yeah." " You guys were just..." " I know, ridiculous." "Okay, I need more hugs." "Okay." "[Laughter] Thank you." " You're so welcome." " Thank you, thank you." "Seeing the nurses that were there was important." "The nurses said that they were just doing their job, but it was an incredible job." "And I can never thank them enough." "I could send them flowers every day for the rest of my life, and it will never, ever say thank you for just the human-ness that they brought." " Thank you so much." " Thank you, thank you." " You're very welcome." " God bless." "We'll see you again." "Both:" "Yes." "[Laughs] Oh, my God." "Breathe." "[The Anthemeers' Stray Dog]" "♪ Can't you see ♪" "♪ my heart's bleeding ♪" "♪ I long to see you whole again ♪" "Cheers." " How's L.A., ladies?" " It's good." "It's just hard to be, like, that far away." "At least you guys have friends out there." "That's always good." "Yeah, we have, like, a really good group of friends." "I love my friends out there." "So Lauren and I have put our argument behind us, and we are having brunch with my brother." "You guys look lot alike." " She's the girl version of me." " Uh-huh." "Yeah." "It's really funny." "We're 10 1/2 months apart." "Your mom was like, "bam, bam, bam."" "Seriously." "Like..." "She's like, "baby, bam, baby."" "I am crazy about my brother." "I love him so much." "We're so close." "And everybody says that we're the splitting image of each other, and it's weird." "We have the same mannerisms and have the same sense of humor, and I'm..." "I love him." "What made you, like, want to come out, basically?" "My brother and I stole Playboys from my dad and, like, porns and stuff." "I used to do the same thing with my grandfather." " Yeah, like..." " It's hysterical." "That's what I used to masturbate to was Playboys." "And I didn't know I was gay." "[Laughs]" "Did you try hooking up with guys at all?" "Like, I've hooked up with a lot of guys." "I made sure that I, like, knew." "I made sure..." "I made sure I knew what I didn't want." "I knew I didn't like dick." "It took me a little while to come out to my parents." "I don't know." "It was really hard." "It was almost like, I had these feelings, and I didn't know what to do with them." "When I was, like, in the hospital" " for, like, my eating disorder..." " Yeah." "And I was, like, 16, it was just like," "I knew that, like, something was off, but they basically were like... you know, they say that, like, it's a control thing." "Like, you feel like you can't control your thoughts and, like, all that stuff, so you, like, feel like, you know, you have to control something else." "And you, you know, to be able to control what goes in and out of your body, like, you know, it's like... anorexia is, like, a disease." "Like, it's really fucked up." "Yeah, that was a really rough time." "I was 16." "I very much had, like, an issue with the fact that, like, these feelings of, like, being gay were just, like, coming out of nowhere." "And I didn't know what to do with them." "Like, "why am I attracted to my girl friend"" ""when everybody else is, like, you know, putting Abercrombie posters on their walls?" "Why do I have Britney Spears all over my wall?"" "But I think that once I became comfortable and once I, like, came out to them, it was just more of, like, a relief than anything." "The good thing about it though is it makes you a stronger person though." " Yeah." " Like, all bullshit aside." "You're, like, admitting to the rest of the world that you're completely different than everybody else." "Yeah." "So when are you officially coming home?" "I don't know." "No idea." "Did you tell him you're coming home?" "What?" "He's like, "when are you coming home?"" "We're, like, going back and forth, but nobody knows, like, what's going on." ""So when are you moving back to New York?"" "Like it was a done deal." "Like it was a straight question." "Like they had talked about it." "So that completely surprised me." "But then I thought, "well, maybe I'm being lied to again."" "Stop being paranoid." "He's like, "when are you coming back home?"" "Like, "what's the date?"" "Why would I not ask you about that?" "No, I mean, like, are you coming home next month, or..." " I mean, no." " [Laughs]" "I'm super conflicted about what to do as far as moving back to New York or not." "Before I moved to L.A., I very much had a girlfriend that I loved and I still love." "And I didn't know... if I was ready for it or, you know, what, you know, I wanted to do." "So I freaked out, ran out to L.A., and now I regret it a little bit." "It's hard." "It's like, Lauren is my best friend, but, like, I also need to, like, do me." "Thanks so much for coming to see me." "Yeah." "I gotta come out to L.A. and visit you." " I know." " I'm telling you." "I gotta get out in the sun." "I love you." "All right, I love you too, hon." " Okay?" " Yeah, come see me." " Make sure you call mom." " I will." "Tell her how you're doing too." "Okay?" "Bye." "So nice to meet you." " All right." " You're such a sweetheart." "Aw, I had fun." "I'm gonna try to get a beer." " I love you." "Bye." " I'll see you." "♪ All we need is love ♪" "♪ lo-o-o-o-o-ove ♪" "♪ all we need is love ♪" "Mom, do you have a notebook, [Speaking Portuguese]?" "She's getting us a notebook, so we can start our plans." "Mom, why do you have this kitchen... oh." "Thanks, mother." "I really do need help with this wedding." "I've never done this before, so we don't even know where to start." "It's like, where do you even begin?" "What do you get first?" "What do you order first?" "What do you do?" "We don't know anything." "Okay, so we need... this is going to be location." "Which we don't have." "We don't have a location." "Which means we can't write anything else down." "I mean, yeah, we need a venue first because it's just gonna be like, "where is it?"" "I don't know." "Mystery location, T.B.D."" "Well, we have ideas." "We know for sure that we want it to be outdoors." "[Gasps] It's so cold outside." " Mom." "Hi." " Are you still drinking?" " A little bit." " To warm up." "So how's the things?" "Well, this is what we've planned so far." " Let me get my glasses, okay?" " Okay, mom." "The most important part we've determined is the location." "It's gonna be outdoors. [Laughs]" "But don't you call before to come here?" "You know already a couple of places, or no?" " Yeah." " Um..." "We have to figure it out still." "We don't know." "But we will know by the end of the week, and you'll be the first to know." "And then we have a lot more blank pages." "Yeah, I can see that." "Okay, next week." "Luckily for me, my mother is the Portuguese Martha Stewart." "She cannot help herself but to want to help us plan this wedding." "She, like, caters for weddings." "She does wedding planning, like decorations." "You know, so she can kind of focus on details instead of the main thing, which is us getting married." "The place is number one." "'Cause if we don't have the place, we don't have anything." "If you don't have the place, you don't need the dress." "And yeah, exactly. [Laughter]" "The food." "The food for sure." "Okay, second." " Tables." " Tables." " Napkins, all that stuff." " Napkins, everything." "And then the bar." "Okay, four." "Do you like me to do a table with the sweets?" "I don't want you to work that hard, mom." "Oh, that's okay." "You can put a check." "This one is done." "Oh, done." "God, we're practically there." "I think my mom is..." "I think she's happy." "I..." "I do." "I think she thinks that she shouldn't be happy, and I think she's battling with that, but it's a journey for her as well, that I think she needs to grow from it." "You know, ultimately, I think it's a good thing." "You call those... you do this ten things, Sara?" "Yeah." "And any question, you can call me." " And make..." " At this number." "[Laughs] And make sure when I call you," " you answer the phone." " Okay, I love you." " Okay, don't let me..." " I love you, mom." "Thank you." "♪ You should always know ♪" "♪ I will always love you ♪" "♪ even if you follow ♪" "♪ follow all that's hollow ♪" "♪ well, I will love you anyway ♪" " Hi, baby." " [Laughs]" "Why do you look so cute?" "Oh." " I love you." " Why do you look so cute?" " I missed you." " I love you." " I love you." " I've missed you, babe." "Huh?" " Mm-hmm." " Mm-hmm." " Wanna eat?" " Yes." "I'm going to dinner with Kelsey, and we are going to just kind of touch base with where we're at." " Hi, Romi." " Hi, baby." "[Laughing]" "And things have gotten closer, and we should probably figure out what the hell we're doing." "What am I gonna do with you?" "Love me?" " Love me, love me?" " I never stop." "As long as Romi's in my life, it would be hard for me to move on and be with anyone else." "I love her, and me and her always have this chemistry." "It's undeniable." "Well, here's the thing." "Like, I want you to figure it all out." "Kelsey, I love Jay." "We're not supposed to be together... and I know that." "And I'm the one who ended it, you know what I mean?" "He didn't end it with me, I ended it with him." "Like, when you text me," " "he's not the one."" " Exactly." ""Whether you like it or not, you're gonna be back with me."" "Like, I just get, like, "oh, my God", like, this girl's, like, in love with me" ""and, like, persistent and doesn't give up."" "And that's, like..." "I love you for that." "While I was with Jay, I didn't talk to Kelsey." "But she was texting me that she loved me, and that we would work it out, and that we were gonna, like, get through this." "And so it's like, here we are, back together." "It worked." "I wanna be with you." "I do." "I don't want to do this anymore." "Like, why aren't we together?" "It's stupid." "That's what I said." "Why are we running into each other in clubs crying and shaking like babies?" "It's stupid." "[Murmurs] It is stupid." "That's stupid." " Mm-hmm." " Mm-hmm." "Right?" "I was very confused with Jay." "Kelsey always loves me, and she's always there." "And I want to feel that love." "She brings a comfort to my life that I need right now." "I don't want to break up anymore." "I don't..." "I wanna be done." "I wanna just fight, not break up." "I don't even wanna fight." " But let's fight it out and not break up." " Yes." "And next time I break up with you, this is what I want you to do:" "Say no." "Say no?" "And when we break up, and we will again..." "[Laughs] Wait, wait, wait." "Shut your mouth." "Don't sleep with all those girls 'cause then they come at me." "Like, "oh, I slept with your girl."" "And I wanna punch them." "You better keep it in your damn pants." " I'm horny." " You're horny?" "You're always horny. [Laughs]" "I wanna make love to you." "Round 2,565 Kelsey and Romi." "[Imitates clapboard clapping]" "Action." "♪ 'Cause I ♪" "♪ I'd do it all over again ♪" "♪ feel the pain beneath my skin ♪" "On the ride home, we're gonna stop and get wedding magazines." "And use all the ride home to make some plans." " Hmm, yeah?" " [Laughs]" "You're gonna be impressed with all the stuff we do this week." " Well, I hope so." " Yeah." "And I expect you guys to call us." "If there's no calls, there's no money." "[Laughing]" "[Laughs]" "So you guys are moving in?" "Yeah." " Oh, yeah." " Oh." "You know overall," "I think the trip to San Jose went very well." "I think we got the band-aid ripped off we needed to, and... and you know, I think that a lot of dialogue was opened up that hadn't been before." "And I think Sara's mom is definitely on a path to coming around." "You know, has she completely accepted it and is completely comfortable with it?" "I wouldn't go that far, but she's on... on her way there." " Have a good trip, okay?" " Bye." "Bye." "♪ Drop dead, burst into fire ♪" "♪ I was shot full of desire ♪" "♪ never have I ♪" "So what do you want to do for the rest of the day?" "I just want to hang here." "It's nice." "I think I'm gonna hang here for a little bit, and then I might just, like, go sleep." "We only have a few more days here though," " so I kind of wanna hang out." " All right." "You can hang out." "I need to sleep." "[Laughs]" "You're, like, always leaving." "Just hang out, power through it, drink some more." "No." "I know that girl." "You know what?" "I know that girl." "She's in a really bad band." "A really bad band?" "Oh, my God." "I met Hunter Valentine a couple times through one my friends in... in Williamsburg." "They showed me their music," "I just really didn't think much of it." "But, yeah, I mean, they're cool I guess." "[Laughs]" " They're all in a band?" " Yeah." "I think they're kind of cute." "Hey." "Hey, how's it going?" "What up?" "This is Lauren." " Hey, Lauren, how's it going?" " Come sit." "Let's not shout from across the room." "Kiyomi. [Laughs]" "What's going on?" "What's your name?" " Kiyomi." " Lauren, nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you." " Uh, how are you doing?" " I'm so hung over, I wanna die." "Where'd you guys go?" " We went to..." " Miller Bar." " Oh, really?" "How's the band?" " It's cool." " It's a band." "What's your band called?" "Hunter Valentine." "We just came back from tour yesterday." "You moved to L.A. a month ago?" " Yeah." " How do you like it?" "I like it." "We just got botoxed." "[Laughs] We just got botoxed." "You got Botox already and you've only been in L.A. for a month?" "[Laughter]" "So we're literally, like, in the place getting Botox, and Lauren was, like, "oh, yeah."" "We're getting little scissors tattooed on our fingers."" "And she's like, "oh, for what?" And we're like," ""scissor sisters." She's like, "what's that?"" "And she's like, "you know, scissoring."" "And then she goes, "oh, really?" Lauren's going," ""have you ever done it?"" "She was like, "no," and she was like, "you should try it." "You'd really like it." [Laughs]" "I was, like, "way to make our fucking Botox lady uncomfortable/turned on."" " She loved it." "She loved it." " Mm-hmm." "I'd scissor her." " [Laughs]" " Ew." "I'm just kidding." "Awkward?" " I don't..." "I don't like it." " I don't know." " What, I love it." "I don't..." " It's, like, my favorite." "I think it's so awkward." "So I sit down with Lauren and Amanda." "And my first impression is that Lauren is pretty hot." "But it seems like Lauren and Amanda probably hooked up before." " Do people always think that you're dating?" " Mm." "We have never been single since we've met each other till now." " Oh, great." "Wait, so you're both single right now." " Yeah." " So this could be that moment..." " You're not dating anyone?" "You don't have anything going on?" "No, like, I have, like, sort of someone that I talk to." " But we've been very, like..." " Talked to." "[Laughter]" "My first impression of Lauren is she's absolutely gorgeous, and I'm gonna start drinking a lot to probably get rid of the nerves." "[Sighs] I don't know, maybe I'll try to make a move or something." "All right, I'm tired." "I'm gonna go nap." "What do you want to do?" "I'm gonna hang out with these girls." "Yeah." "She's like, "I'm inviting myself" " to hang out with them."" " We got nothing." " All right." " All right." "Love you." "Love you, stalk you, always gonna talk to you." "If Amanda wants to leave again, that's fine with me." "I'm having fun with these girls." "A couple of them are cute." "I'm gonna hang out and have some fun." "♪ But if it's the beginning ♪" "♪ of something that we needed to end ♪" "♪ when we've lost this feeling ♪" " [Grunts]" " Hello?" " Hey, honey." " Hi." "Kelsey's living at home right now." "She moved back to home after we broke up last time." "So Kelsey is moving in." "I don't really think she had a choice." "I don't need someone's parents telling me when I can hang out with my girlfriend or not." "I'm an adult." "Do we need to get stuff out of your car?" " Are kidding me?" " Do I have to help you?" "Are you kidding me?" "[Groans]" "I hate the wind." "Baby, walk." "Ow!" "Honey." "Ow!" "That hurts my hand." "Come on." "Hold on." "Let go." " Ow." "Just pull up..." " Pull up the back, babe." " You're acting crazy." "Because we can slide it in this way." "You got to bring it in this way first." "Oh, my God." "Now go to your left." "No, Kelsey, put it down." " I told you it would fit." " Yeah, it fits." "Can you believe it's a year later, babe?" "You're back here." "My plan worked." "I know, but it feels different, doesn't it?" "Yeah." "Hopefully." "Yeah, we went through a lot this year." "You seem like a different person to me." "Because I'm sober, and I'm older." "And I'm classier." "And sexier." "Well, you're sober." "A year ago, you were like, "I wanna party, and... "" " I need to party, Romi." " "It's okay if I don't have... "" " You're lame." "I need to party." " "I don't have to drink."" "You went fucking girls gone wild on me." " [Laughs]" " Shit." "[Laughs] And I was, like, little straight girl, only for us to come right back here." "Going to straight clubs with your wonderful boyfriend." "Uh-huh." "Fool, please, I would rather be in a straight club with my boyfriend than at every gay club" " every night with every woman." " Okay." "Like a certain somebody I know." "So why aren't you with your boyfriend now?" " [Laughs]" " Asshole." "I'll fuck you up." "You'd rather be with your boyfriend?" "Than in the gay clubs with all those fucking thirsty whores." "You had to go through it." "You had to figure it out for yourself." "Yeah, and you figured it out that you being with that douche bag guy you were with..." " Don't call him a douche bag." " Is not what you want." "Oh, sorry." "You love him." "Oh, my God, Kelsey Grace." "I can call him whatever the hell I want." "Baby." "I don't want to hear about Romi and Jay's relationship." "It's hard being with somebody who's bisexual." "Like, really bisexual." "I mean, if the girl wants dick, that's not something I can give her." " Hey, look at me." " What?" "We're not fighting the first day you move in." "I'm happy you're here." "We're here, we're queer." "Well, some of us are queer." "Are you just gonna be bitter about it?" "Bitter?" "Of course I'm bitter about you being with Jay." "What are you talking about?" "Why are we even talking about this?" "She's very sensitive about Jay." "And to try and come back to each other after, like, such an intense year where a lot of stuff happened is, you know, difficult 'cause it's like, do I want to be reminded?" "Does she want to be reminded?" "No, it's not healthy." "So there's a lot of healing to go on right now." "And there's a lot of forgiveness and there's a lot of just forgetting." "Okay." "♪ Find me a place ♪" "♪ we can go ♪" "So who are you seeing?" "Tell me about your chick." "Uh, I'm seeing this girl. [Laughter]" "We're not really monogamous, but it's kind of a PR..." "So no one here's monogamous right now." " She's like a girl..." " Yeah, they fight all the time." " They fight every..." " It's kind of awesome." "That's exactly why I'm not in a relationship right now." "But the whole thing is me too. [Laughter]" "As long you're honest and you know what the situation is, no one can get hurt." "And if someone is starting to get hurt or starting to care, then you have to deal with that on that level." "That's what I'm dealing with right now too." "Okay." "High five right here." " So the girl..." " See it, done it." "[Laughter]" "Laura and Kiyomi are sitting right next to Lauren, and they're totally engaged." "And I'm like, "hey, guys"," "I'm..." "I'm here, you know."" "And once Lauren went to go to the bathroom, it was kind of like, "who's gonna get Lauren?" You know?" "And it was quite entertaining for me because I was like, "well, I wonder who's gonna end up with her."" " So both of you..." " I don't care." "Both of you think that she's your type." "No. [Laughter]" "I'm saying I would but I..." "I don't want to invest any sort of... any sort of time." "So Kiyomi and I both like Lauren." "Kiyomi's definitely one of those girls that has a lot of swagger and gets a lot of attention." "And I'm not one of those people that are like," ""yeah, that girl's gonna be mine," you know." "Why are we even talking about this?" "So what about you?" "If you want to fuck the girl, go ahead." "No, no, I think she..." "I think she probably likes you more than me." "Kiyomi, I think..." "I think you guys are gonna hook up." " Oh, my God." " I'm calling it right now that you guys are gonna hook up." "I think you guys have a better chance at it." "Dude!" "But I'm not saying that I couldn't, and I don't think that I couldn't get her." "It's just that I don't..." "I don't... like, I have to really work it, you know?" " I don't have her looks, right?" " Oh, my God!" "I'm fucking out of here!" "This is fucking ridiculous!" "I definitely think that Lauren is hot, but I need to leave and go meet Ali right now 'cause I promised her that I would meet her." "And on top of this, Laura is attracted to Lauren, and it just seems like a messy situation, and I need to get out of here." "I need to call the girl that I'm dating." "Fuck you guys!" "I need to stay focused." "Well, both of you started talking about how cute she is." "Yeah, I got to call Ali." "Shh!" " Where are they?" " Um..." "She just ran away." "She's scared of you now." "I find you attractive, and so does Kiyomi." "Mm." "And so I think that, um, we were trying to figure... like, we're best friends, so we don't wanna... and you're checking your phone." "So I'm not sure if that's nervous or you're not interested in either." " Um, but..." " I'm not saying anything." "Hello?" "Where's everyone?" " Hi, baby." " Hey, what's up?" "You're gonna go there now?" "I think so, yeah." "What are you doing?" "I'm gonna see what the rest of these guys want to do, and then, um, I'll text you when I'm on my way." "All right, so what time are you gonna head down there?" "I'm gonna leave in, like, ten minutes." "I'll text you when I'm leaving." " Okay." " Bye, babe." "Bye." " Oh, my God, Kiyomi." " Oh, my God." " What is that?" " Tequila." "Thank you." "I was trying to figure out whether you'd be" "Tequila or whiskey." "I'm Tequila, I'm Tequila." " And I decided it was Tequila." " You got it." "[Laughs] To Lauren." "I know that I'm supposed to go meet Ali, but for some reason, I just can't, and I..." "I'm..." "I don't want to leave this girl." " So are you, like..." " No, no, but like..." "No, sometimes though." "Yeah." "This way." "Kiyomi's used to getting what she wants, so..." "I guess I'm just going to have to bow down and let her take her." "What's the person that you're seeing in..." "Yeah, I'm not seeing her." "It's just like a friends with benefits." "You just said, "I'm seeing her."" "No, I... it's hard to explain." "How do... how do you explain that... oh, my God." "[Laughter] What the hell?" "Wait, what is she doing?" "Shouldn't tape that to my fucking shirt." "[Laughter]" "Put your act up, please." "Let's go." "I..." "I walk outside." "Laura is naked." "People act up so many different ways." "And if you wanted to impress Lauren, this is not a way to impress her." "Oh, my God." "What the hell?" "Did you... oh, wait, wait." "What bra?" "Oh, my... [Laughter]" "Oh, my God." "They're taking pictures of you, these guys." " Come here." " Can I take a picture with you?" "Yeah." "I'll take a picture, I'll take a picture together." "[Car honks]" "I mean, I don't really know what's happening." "[Laughter]" "You mother is going to be so upset with you." " No, she won't." " Yes, she will." " And you are..." " My mother knows me." "She'll learn." "Hi." " What's going on?" " Hi." "I never expected for my day to end with my best friend walking around topless in the streets of Brooklyn." "But when you have a best friend like Laura, you really never know what's gonna happen... ever." "[Car honks]" " Come on!" " Come up!" "We're walking." "We're gonna get you some food, honey." "[Laughter]" "Why?" "Why?"