"We interrupt this program with some breaking news." "A giant monster terrorizes downtown." "It seems they never terrorize the suburbs." "We now return you to your regularly scheduled program." "Snott!" " Snott Pilgrim!" " What?" "We said no more girlfriends at rehearsal." "I mean, first there was Knives, then Flowers and now Snow?" "You should've seen her before the makeover." " Much better?" " How'd you get in this picture?" " I move around a lot." " You're an awesome boyfriend, Snott." "It's great to date a girl without seven evil exes." "Well, the thing is..." "Snott Pilgrim, step away from our princess." "I'm not gonna fight a bunch of ****." "Did he say the M-word?" " Munchkins?" " No." "The other one." "I said old men." "I don't know why they bleeped it." "Dwarves, begin musical attack." "Ho-heigh!" "Oh, no, you don't." "Meet the first three moody dwarves." "Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy." "Attack!" "Ew, ew, ew." "Nosy dwarf, meet nasal spray." "Thanks, that's actually much better..." "Oh, oh, cool, diamonds." "Get your hands off those diamonds!" "Grumpy, eh?" "Well, I've got enough "grrr" to make you lumpy." ""Enough 'grrr' to make you lumpy"?" "That doesn't even make sense." "Neither does you dating Snow." " He does have a Ph. D." " Yeah." "In kick-butt-ology." "Wait, I can't hit a guy with glasses." " Oh, well, then I'll take them off." " Phew." " So can we grab a slice or something?" " Not until you face Dopey." "Here we..." "Hey, you have big ears like I do." "And do you wear a hat because you have scraggly hair?" "Yeah, that's what I thought." "I do too." "Hey, thanks." " Aren't you going to fight him for me?" " I like this other girl now." "This is really nice." "You wanna listen to some records or something?" "Sure." "As soon as you defeat my seven deadly seas." "I gotta stop dating." "Where's your bone?" "Go get your bone." "Go get your bone." "Hey, that's my shin." "You know her as the miserable star of Twilight." "I'm so unhappy." "Now she's got something that's sure to wipe the smile off your face too." "It's K-Stew's Beef Stew." "We've taken Kristen Stewart's negative attitude and packed it into hearty chunks of beef soaked in brown juice." "It's okay." "I mean, if you like stew." "After one bite, you'll be just as gloomy as Kristen." "I mean, I don't hate it." "Eh, I've definitely had worse." "Is this commercial almost over?" "Sure, your stomach is gonna hurt." "But not as much as it hurts K-Stew to smile from time to time." "If you love Kristen Stewart, you might sort of like K-Stew's Beef Stew." "They were blue, skin-tight, made from Kryptonian silk?" "Okay, you have the ticket?" "For the last time, I lost the ticket." "Hmm." "And now, a Mad look inside Zach Galifianakis' bellybutton." "Everything is better with ninjas." "School." "The Louisiana Purchase is when Thomas Jefferson bought land..." "Ah." "Chores." "The local news." "And that's the news in Cincinnati." "First, let's get one more check of the weather." "Barbara?" "And weddings." "And now let's cut the cake." "Wow, that was amazing." "Still, pretty amazing." "Junior, what are you doing?" "Gad, it's my mother." "Nothing, Mom." "Just playing with my chemistry set." "Johann Sebastian Bach, a composer whose career is barely alive." "Relevance:" "Zero." "Interest:" "None." "Out of my way, loser." "Gentlemen, we must rebuild him because he's Baroque." "He can hear twice as good as Beethoven and he has incredible movements." "His likeability will be better his star meter higher, his comeback faster." " He's Bionic Bach." " I'll be back." "Coming back into relevance this fall." "I've got a bad feeling about this." "Okay, okay, so my transmission is shot but I'm a talking car for crying out loud." "Oh!" "Think what you're doing here." "What do the following evil masterminds have in common?" "The world will soon be mine." "He's walking right into my trap." "They won't know what hit them." "You guessed it." "They all use the VILLAIN Hand Sanitizer." "An antibacterial gel made exclusively for megalomaniacs." "Just pump, lather and you're protected against 93 percent of the germs found on trap doors secret lair control panels and super lasers." "Ew." "Ha, ha." "I think we're going make it." "Yes." "The VILLAIN Hand Sanitizer." "Escargot." "Escargot." "Get your fancy-pants escargot here." "One for my lady, please." " Aah!" " Escargot here." "Oh, there's a prize inside this box of cereal." "What is it?" "I want it." "Being the middle child means every morning is a battle just to get breakfast." "Malcolm, Reese, we promised your little brother he could have the prize." "Now give Dewey the ring." "Precious." "Yes, honey, you're my precious." "One mom to rule them all." "And remember, the science fair is today." "If you don't turn in your project, you shall not pass!" "He's always so dramatic." "Hey, Malcolm." "Oh, no." "It's those snooty exchange students from Narnia." "What's your project for the science fair?" "Ours is a wardrobe that transports you to a magical world." " That's the school bathroom." " We're working on it." "Hey, Treevie, what's your project?" "I'm going to make..." "Oh, man." "If I fail this science fair, Mom will send me to military school, like Francis." "Hey, guys, so, uh, after all this death marching, wanna play cards or something?" "Check it out." "I stole the ring from Dewey during nap time." "Look, it turns you invisible." "Ow!" "If you're gonna hit me, let me see you." "I have to stay invisible so Dewey doesn't find me." "Ow!" "Come on." "Now I can't trace my hand and make a turkey for Thanksgiving." "A homemade..." "Time to review your science projects." "I put armor on a bear." "Perhaps you should have put a diaper on him as well." "Ow!" "Pretty great, huh?" " Where am I?" " Ha, ha." "Aah!" " Get off!" " The precious." "Our wardrobe." "This is most illogical." "Ow!" "Stop doing that." "No." "I made a volcano." " We have a winner." " Really?" "Well, considering the rest of these are magic-based I'd say you win for actually using science." "Well, it all worked out." "Papier-mâché volcano." " Oh, that's what I made." " Oh, darn."