"(BOTH COOING)" "Huh?" "Hey!" "Wait!" "You forgot me!" "(PANTING)" "(HORN HONKING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(COUGHING)" "Whoa, whoa!" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Hey, hey." "Watch it, cat!" "Whoa!" "(SCREAMING)" "(TYRES SCREECHING)" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "(GRUNTS)" "(GASPING)" "(SIGHS)" " (LAUGHS) Hey, hey, hey, gato!" " Huh?" "I saw them people kick you out." "What did you do, scratch up their couch?" " Pee on the carpet?" " What?" " No." "I didn't do anything wrong." " (SNIFFING)" "Oh, you must've done something, amigo, 'cause they chucked you like a day-old burrito." "Ah, it happens all the time." "The streets are full of cute kitties nobody wants." "Hey, you think I can come with you?" "(GUFFAWS)" "You crack me up." "A gato hanging out with the dawg?" "I don't think so, mi bro." "Ah, what?" "I get two minutes to pee?" "That's all?" "Ah!" "Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming." "Man, this lack of physical activity is gonna stunt my growth." "(GASPS)" "(PURRS)" "(GRUNTS)" "(GROANS)" "Huh?" "Hello?" " (MEOWS)" " Hey!" "Hold on!" "Do you have any idea where I am?" "(GRUNTS) Whoa." "Cool place." "(WATER TRICKLING)" "(GASPS)" " (GASPS) - (GROWLS)" " (SCREAMS) - (BARKING)" "(PANTING)" " (BARKS) - (GRUNTS)" "(SNIFFING)" "(BARKING)" "Whoa!" "(GROWLS)" "(BARKING)" "(YOWLS)" "(HISSING)" "(WHIMPERING)" "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "(GASPS)" "(WIND HOWLING)" "(GRUNTS)" " (WINGS FLAPPING) - (PIGEONS COOING)" "Huh?" "(GRUNTING)" "(GASPS) Whoa!" "(PANTING)" "(GRUNTING)" "Ah!" "(THUNDER CRACKING)" "Oh." "(PANTING)" "(EXCLAIMS)" "(MUSIC BOX PLAYING)" "(MUSIC STOPS)" "Oh!" "(CHIMES)" "(GASPS)" " Oh!" " (CRASHING)" "(SCREAMS)" "Oh!" " (THUNDER CRACKING)" " Whoa!" "(GRUNTS)" "(SCREAMS)" "(WHIMPERING)" " Well, hi, there." " (GASPING)" "Oh, don't be afraid." "I'm not gonna hurt you." "I'm just looking for a place..." " (SCREAMS) - ...to stay." "Wait a second." "Please, don't run away." "(PANTS) Oh, come on, now." "This is crazy." "Let me explain." "Hold on!" "I just wanna talk to you is all." "MOUSE:" "Stay away from me!" "(GASPS)" "MOUSE:" "Jack!" "Jack!" "Jack!" "(EXCLAIMS)" " Huh?" " (SPEAKING LATIN)" " What?" "(GASPS)" " Back off!" "MOUSE:" "Jack, this monster tried to eat me." "No, I didn't." "I don't even like mice." "Do you think we are fools?" "We all know cats eat mice." "I'm warning you." " (GROANS)" " Keep your mangy paws off of Maggie." " Get me?" " Honest, I wasn't going to eat her." "Enough talk!" "Please, you don't understand." " I'm lost." " Sorry." "Not our problem." "(GRUNTS)" "Everybody in these parts knows this property is off limits." "Yeah." "Especially to strays." "I'm not a stray." "MAGGIE:" "Phew, that was close." "JACK:" "Yeah." "We don't need anyone coming in and messing things up for us." "You know how the old man gets all mushy, lovey-dovey with cats." "Ain't that the truth, Jack." "Good thing we got rid of him in time." "Indeed, indeed." " (RAIN PATTERING) - (THUNDER CRACKING)" "(SCOFFS) What a day!" "Oh!" "Whoa!" "(GRUNTS)" "(MAN TALKING, INDISTINCT)" "Huh?" "LAWRENCE:" "You know he dislikes the cold." "Can't say I blame him. (LAUGHS)" "Edison here performed a double-twisted somersault into the toilet bowl!" "(LAUGHS)" "Quite the performance, I must say." "(LAUGHS)" "Pass me the little screwdriver." "Uh, the purple one, yes." "(GASPS)" "Ah." "Thank you, Twiggoo." "Almost done." "There you go. (LAUGHING)" "Ah, good as new." "You're quite welcome." "Uh, next time, be more careful." "(CHUCKLES)" "Don't use the restroom as your playground." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Speaking of performances, I remember my first like it was yesterday." " Drum roll, please!" " (DRUM ROLL)" "It was 1954." "I had performed magic to great success all over Europe and Asia." "But this was by far and away my most accomplished trick ever." "Ladies and gentlemen, if you are squeamish, cover your eyes!" "I and I alone, a mere mortal, will be the only thing standing between you and 1,000 flying daggers!" " (BANGING ON DOOR)" " Who could that be at this hour?" "Oh my!" "An intruder?" "Everyone, quickly, hide." "(GASPS)" "(MAN GRUNTS)" "(THUNDER CRACKING)" "Okay!" "Let's see who wants to break into our house!" "Oh, come on, Uncle Lawrence!" "Oh, Daniel, it's you." "(GRUNTS) Not another one of your stupid tricks." "Open the box." "Yes, yes, sorry. (LAUGHS)" "I..." "I thought you were a burglar." "DANIEL:" "A burglar?" "I couldn't open your rusty old door, that's all." "Yeah, I know, I need to fix it." "Uh, so much to do. (LAUGHS)" "Just get me out of this contraption!" "That won't be a problem." "As soon as I find the key." "Are you kidding me, Uncle Larry?" "I don't have time for this!" "Of course, time is money." "Uh, whatever that means." "So nice of you to visit." "Would you like some tea, or maybe some cookies?" "Uncle Lawrence, I got a call from the power company." "You forgot to pay your utility bills." " Again!" " Ah!" "(LAUGHS) Here it is!" "(LAUGHING) It was in my pocket all the time." " Not funny." " (GRUNTS)" " Watch out for your hands." " (GROANS)" " And your nose." " (SIGHS)" "Oh, I am sick and tired of your silly tricks!" "You used to love them." "Uncle Lawrence, we need to talk about this house." "Oh." "What exactly is there to talk about?" "(GASPING)" "(SNEEZES)" " Is there a cat in here?" " A cat?" "No, I don't believe so." "Uh, why do you ask?" "Look at me. (SNEEZING)" "Maybe you're allergic to something else?" "Ooh, did I ask you if you'd like some cookies?" "No cookies!" "If I stay in here any longer, I'll blow up like a blimp!" "(SNEEZES)" " Gesundheit!" " I'm allergic to two things." "Wasting time... (SNEEZES) ...and cats." "You should think about selling this place." "I've got clients who would love to put their hands on a property like this." "They'd pay top dollar." "Why would I do that?" "This house has been in the family for generations." "I know you're a great real estate agent." "If I sold it, where would I go?" "How about a nice retirement home?" "Retire?" "Uh, that's for old people." "And besides, where would I put all my belongings?" "DANIEL:" "I would get rid of all this junk." "Junk?" "(STAMMERS) This is not junk." "My whole life is in here." "Whatever!" "Just... (SNEEZING)" "Pay your bills!" " (DOOR SLAMS) - (DANIEL CONTINUES SNEEZING)" "He was such a nice kid." "What happened?" "Oh, don't you worry, everyone." "I'm not going to sell my house." "What would become of me without all of you around?" "This house is enchanted." "Isn't that right, Maggie?" "Come up here, Jack." "Where's Edison?" "I need to put some oil on his new rewind spring." "(YAWNS) Oh, my..." "Oh." "Or he'll stop working again. (LAUGHS)" "Wouldn't want any of you getting yourself all rusty and not able to work any more." "(SIGHS)" "That wouldn't do." "(SNORING)" "What was that all about?" "I haven't the foggiest but I tell you, I never liked that nephew of his." "He's up to no good, I say." "No good indeed." "MAGGIE:" "Jack, look!" "He came back." "Why, the nerve of that pipsqueak!" "Get him, Jack." "JACK:" "Oh, you are so going to regret this." "(PANTING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(GRUNTS) What?" "Oh, what do we have here?" "How did you get in here?" "Did Jack let you in?" "Well, hello there." "Oh. (LAUGHS) Such a cute little kitty, isn't he?" "(ALL RATTLING)" "Oh, I can't believe it!" "He's falling for it." "Someone left you all alone, did they?" "Yes, I know." "It's a big scary world out there, isn't it?" "Well, you don't have to worry any more, little fella. (LAUGHS)" "We'll keep each other company." "What shall we call you?" "(THUNDER CRACKING)" "Whoa!" "That's it?" "Thunder!" "Thunder, this is your new family!" "New family?" "Ugh, give me a break." "A squatter is what he is." "Old Jack here can be a bit grumpy sometimes, 68th in a litter of 70." "I'm sure he'll warm up to you." "Don't count on it." "And this is little Maggie." " Jack's indispensable companion." " (SCOFFS)" "Those two are Carlo and Carla, our resident lovebirds." "(ITALIAN ACCENT) Look how cute he is, no?" "(ITALIAN ACCENT) I don't like cats." "You are cute." "No, gorgeous, bellissima!" "Mi amore." " (GIGGLES) Don't stop." " All right, everyone, let's give a warm welcome to the newest member of our family." "(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)" "(ALL SINGING INDISTINCTLY)" " (CUCKOOS) - (GASPS)" " (PHONE RINGING) - (GASPS)" "(MUSIC PLAYING OVER PHONE)" "(LAUGHS)" "(PLAYING DISCORDANT NOTES)" " (MUSIC STOPS) - (OFF-KEY PIANO CONTINUES)" "Hmm." "(LAUGHS)" "(SCRATCHING)" "(UPBEAT MUSIC RESUMES)" "I once performed for the King of Brunei!" "Oh, yes." "The trick was called... (YAWNS) ...The Embodiment of Princess Khan." "Oh, those were wonderful times, Thunder, wonderful times to be a magician." "(SIGHS)" "(SNORING)" " Psst." "Hey, you, thunder pants." " Huh?" "Hi, Jack." "Hi, Maggie." "Lose the niceties, buster." " What do you mean?" " Can it." "You must think you've hit the catnip jackpot." "We know what you're up to." "I'm not up to anything." "Look, pal, we've been with Lawrence for a long time." "We're not about to let you meow yourself in here and take over." " I'm not trying to..." " (MUTTERING)" "Oh." "Oh." " ...take over." " (SNORING)" "All right, here's the deal." "Be gone by sunrise or find yourself in a position you won't be able to purr your way out of." "But he said I could stay, be a part of the family." "He even gave me a new name." "MAGGIE:" "Oh, yeah." "Thunder, boom boom, some name." "This isn't up for discussion." "Like we told you, our house is off limits to outsiders." "Consider this a one-night stand." "(WHIMPERING)" "(SNORING)" "(PURRS)" "How we doin', guys?" "Oop." "Pass, kick, goal!" " Jack!" " (GASPS)" "Fur ball's still here!" "And that's my bowl!" "Hey!" "Just in time, my friend." "We're running late this morning." " You just don't get it, do you?" " You crossed the line." "I don't understand." "Isn't he the boss here?" "Not as far as you're concerned." "I'll deal with you when I get back." "(MEOWS)" "Sorry, Thunder, not today. (CHUCKLES)" "(LAWRENCE WHISTLES)" "Hey, where are they going?" "(MEOWS)" "No, Thunder." "You have to stay here, look after the house." " Hey, look what I have for you." " (BELLS TINKLING)" "(MEOWS)" "Oh, why not?" "I think I have an idea." "LAWRENCE:" "Good morning, everyone!" "CHILDREN:" "Good morning, Mr Lawrence!" "LAWRENCE:" "So, um, Izzy." "Can you give me your money?" "I don't have any money." "What do you mean you don't have any?" "Of course you do." "Great." "How many times are you going to do that trick?" "Oh, I guess you're right, Dylan." "Let's see what else I have here." "(CHILDREN GASP)" "Whoa!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)" "(CHILDREN APPLAUDING)" "Hey, kids, who can tell me what other tricks a magician performs?" "I know." "He pulls a rabbit from his hat." "Absolutely right, Izzy." "This trick requires complete concentration." "Abracadabra!" "Presto." "Poof!" "(GRUNTS) Ta-da!" "It's a carrot!" "Oops!" "I must be slipping." "Uh, my rabbit should have been in there." "Ah!" "A simple explanation." "The other hat." " Ta-da!" " (CHILDREN LAUGHING)" "CHILD:" "That's not a rabbit!" "Oh, dear!" "Hmm." "So it is." "Hmm, I'm afraid I'm losing my touch." "BOTH:" "The rabbit!" "The rabbit!" "He's taking the carrot!" "Uh, what did you say?" "(GASPS) Where did my carrot go?" "It's a white mouse!" "A mouse?" "Oh!" "Uh, where?" "There!" "On your head!" " Oh!" "(LAUGHS) It's Maggie." " (SQUEAKING)" "Come down here." " No!" " The cat's going to eat her!" "Oh, no!" "That's not good." "I can't believe it!" "Oh, no." "You didn't!" "ALL:" "Oh, no." "Did he?" "(CHILDREN LAUGHING)" "Children, allow me to introduce the newest member of our troupe!" "Thunder!" "CHILDREN:" "Yay!" "CHILD:" "He's cuter than the old rabbit." "You're dead." "MAGGIE:" "I say we kick him off the trunk now." "He won't find his way back." "But Jack." "Maybe you should give the kitty a little break, huh?" "Stay out of it." " (BANGING ON BOX)" " Huh?" "(GRUNTS)" "(GRUNTING)" "I've got a better idea." " Here, poke him, Jack." " With pleasure." "(GASPING)" "Whoa!" "(WHIMPERS)" "What is going on back there?" " (YOWLS) - (GASPS) Thunder, no!" "(STRAINING)" "Oh, no!" "(BOTH EXCLAIMING)" "What happened to my brakes?" "I can't stop!" "(WHIMPERS)" "Help!" "(CARS HONKING)" "Whoa!" "(LAWRENCE CRASHES)" "(GROANS)" "(LAUGHS) Hey, hey!" "Look who it is!" "Mi bro!" "You look like you just used up eight of them nine lives you got." "What is up with that?" "Why'd you go gato crazy and attack that old man for, huh?" "What?" "No." "Oh, you need to control yourself." "Those claws could shred a dude to pieces!" "Now I know why them people booted you out like they did." "You be one nasty gato!" "What happened?" "Where is everyone?" "You sent that old man to the hospital." "Or maybe the cemetery, chico." " He looked like day-old refries." " Oh, no." "What have I done?" "(SOBBING)" "Hey, stop it!" "We're in public." " You got to keep your stuff together, man." " I didn't mean to hurt him." "Okay, okay, maybe you didn't." "What do I know?" "I'm a dog, not a doctor." "Maybe they just took him back home." "Sí, sí, that's probably what they did." "You really think so?" "Come on, I'll walk a piece with you." "Well, that would be great." "I'm feeling a little out of it." " What happened to your leash?" " (SCOFFS) I got rid of it." "I put my paw down." "Got all freaky in the house." "Did my stinky business." "Now I'm in charge." "No more leash." "(GASPS) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hold your enchiladas." "This is where you live?" " Yeah." " Oh, no." "This is one spooky old casa, mi bro." "I heard this story about this big-toothed were-rabbit and this evil white mouse." "Man, they got some black magic goin' on and ghosts, too!" "It's mucho peligroso." "You know, haunted." " No, it's not." " That's what the word on the street is." "Hey, man, I gotta go." "Seriously." "I really gotta go." "Good luck to ya!" "(LAUGHS)" "(SIGHS)" "(SNORING)" "(MUTTERING)" "(JACK GRUNTS)" "MAGGIE:" "Jack, what's wrong?" "JACK:" "I don't know." "It appears as if I may have broken my leg." "No." "Let me see." "Ow!" "(GRUNTS)" "It doesn't look good." "You gotta get that fixed." "Oh, that miserable cat!" "Look on the bright side." "We got rid of him." " I suppose you're right." " (INDISTINCT RATTLING)" " Ouch." " Shh." "Someone's coming." "DANIEL:" "Uncle Lawrence, Uncle Lawrence?" "Danny?" "Is that you?" "Yes, it is." "Where am I?" "In the hospital." "Oh, I don't feel very well." "(LAUGHS) Of course not." "You're too old to be running all over town putting on these little shows." "Too old to make children laugh?" "Uncle Lawrence, I should be at work right now." "We..." "We can't go on like this." "Look, I think I've found the perfect place for you to live when you get out of here." "What's going on, Mags?" "It's the nephew." "He's going on about some papers." "Papers?" "What for?" "Have a look at this brochure." "Rhode Island." "I think you're gonna love it." "You're taking me to an island?" "Oh, nice of you." "(SIGHS)" "I'll be back a bit later." "There are some papers I need you to sign." "Now, try and get some rest." "Two to one, he's trying to take advantage of the old man." "Which doesn't sound good for us, either." "We really need to get out of here." "THUNDER:" "These men in a car with flashing lights took him away." "I thought they were bringing him home." "(STAMMERS) So, I guess he is not here, then?" "Do you understand what I'm saying?" "What's going on?" "Hello?" "Ah, geez." "(WHIRRING)" "Oh, please, guys, you're freaking me out." "(LAUGHING) Oh, stop it." "You're tickling me." "For a second there I thought..." "Never mind." "Lawrence should be home soon." "In the meantime, I'll take care of you and we will all look after the house." "(MONITOR BEEPING)" " He looks pretty bad." " Keep your voice down." "Mr Lawrence?" "Mr Lawrence?" "It's Izzy and Dylan." " We heard you had an accident." " (SNORING)" " (GIGGLES)" " We should let him rest." "(BIRD COOING)" "What was that?" "Look, it's the magic trunk!" "Shh." "Be quiet." " Let's open it." " I'm not sure it's a good idea." "Okay, Carlo, Carla, this is our chance." "You must warn the others at the house." "(BOTH EXCLAIM)" " Oh, boy." "Now we're in trouble." " I told you." "Maybe they know their way back home." "Let's hope so." "What about the other animals?" "Where's the cat?" " NURSE:" "What are you doing here?" " (BOTH SHRIEK)" "DYLAN:" "Nurse Baxter." "You have no business going through Mr Lawrence's personal effects." " We were just..." " But the animals..." "Shh!" "Oh, Izzy." "Hmm." "What animals?" "Oh!" "Oh, dear!" "A mouse!" "These animals do not belong in here." "They'll have to go." "You can't just kick them out." "Oh, don't be concerning yourselves about that." "Back to your rooms." "I told you." "(SNORING)" "(CARLO AND CARLA TWEETING)" "(GRUNTS) Sorry!" "Carlo, Carla." " Carlo, look, it's the kitty." " We didn't think you made it!" "What happened to Lawrence?" "Oh, he's laid up in the hospital, all banged up." " Oh, no!" " CARLA:" "And Jack's hurt pretty bad, too." "CARLO:" "But we got a bigger problem." "Jack says his nephew's gonna take care of us." " And not in a good way." " We have to stop him!" "First, I guess we have to find out what he's up to, right?" "That's true!" "We have to stay alert." "Be ready for anything." "Carlo, Carla, you're on lookout!" "Edison, Twiggoo, come with me!" "NURSE BAXTER:" "It has to go." " Couldn't this have waited until tonight?" " I'm afraid not." "Why didn't you just chuck it?" "He won't need it any more." "There are animals in it and they are not allowed in here." "Fine." "I'll take care of it." " (SLAMS) - (MUTTERING)" " Danny?" " I need you to sign this." "It gives me power of attorney to handle your affairs while you're in the hospital." "The power company, you say?" "Power of... (LAUGHS) Never mind." "Just put your John Hancock right there." "So nice of you to pay my bills, Daniel." "Can you feed the animals and then water the plants?" "Sure, you won't have to worry." " I'll take care of everything." " MAGGIE:" "Jerk." "Aren't we forgetting something?" "(SIGHS)" "Oh, mi amore, mi amore!" " He's here." " Who, uh, what?" "Hey, the trunk." "(GRUNTING)" " DANIEL:" "Ow!" " (BOTH EXCLAIMING)" "I say, that's quite a load you're hauling there, Daniel." "Perhaps someone should give you a hand with that?" "As a matter of fact..." " Reggie, your tuxedo." " Oh, yes, of course. (LAUGHS)" " No, I had no intentions of..." " No worries." "I've got it. (CHUCKLES)" "I'm thrilled you could make it on such short notice." "You're the first I'm showing it to." "(GROANS)" "(GRUNTS)" "(SIGHING)" "Audrey, you look positively stunning this evening!" "(LAUGHS) Oh, Daniel, you charmer." "Well, how's the real estate market treating you?" "Oh, I'm crazy busy." "What recession, right?" "(LAUGHS)" "It appears as if it needs a bit of repair." "Ah." "Yes, but the house has good bones." "CARLA:" "Thunder, they're talking about fixing up the house." "Hmm, that's good." "Maybe that nephew is not all that bad." "No, it's bad." "Daniel wants to sell the house behind Lawrence's back." "And we'll all get kicked out." " Oh!" " Are you sure?" "That's what happened to me." "What can we do?" "Che cosa?" "I got an idea." "I would suspect the place is quite a handful to maintain for an old man." " Careful, Reg!" " Mmm." "We're on our way to our annual charity ball, you see." "Why don't we go on in, then?" "(GASPS)" "Disgusting!" "(GASPS)" "(BOTH GASP)" " Oh!" " Daniel, stop these infernal..." "Oh!" "Oh." "I am so sorry." "(LAUGHS) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." "Reggie." "Shall we reschedule, then?" "Lose our number!" "(SIGHS) Damned birds." "(SNIFFS)" "Oh." "I'm sure there's a cat in here." "(SNEEZES)" " CARLA:" "Jack, Maggie, are you okay?" " JACK:" "What do you think?" " Come on, hurry up." "Get us out of here." " (GROANING)" "We're working on it." "Just hold on." " Is that who I think it is?" " (SCOFFS) I thought we got rid of him for good." "THUNDER:" "Come on, all together." "Roll it over." "(GROANS)" "You!" "Hi, Jack." "Don't think your little act of kindness makes up for what you did to Lawrence." "None of this would have happened if you didn't poke me." "You were there." "Tell them." "Uh, well, uh..." "CARLA:" "We really didn't see nothing." "He's made a mess of everything." "The old man is furious!" "That's an understatement." "He's ready to kill you." "I don't believe you." "If Lawrence doesn't want me here, fine, I'll leave." "Look, mate." "I'll tell you what's true." "We could lose this house." "Everything we ever loved." " And you're to blame." " (ALL GASP)" "Wait, you need me to save the house." "The nephew's allergic to cats, right?" "You're all safe as long as I'm here." "Hmm." "The cat's got a point." "(SIGHS)" "I can't catch a break." "Edison?" "Can you help me get out of here?" "Sorry, my friend." "I messed things up pretty good." "I should have listened to Lawrence." "Daniel's going to sell the house." "Jack's right." "When Lawrence comes back, he'll kick me out." "I'll end up a stray again." "(PIANO PLAYING)" "(LAWRENCE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)" "You're right, Edison." "After all, he was so nice when he took me in." "He said I was part of the family." "You don't kick out family, do you?" "MAGGIE:" "Look, about this cat." "I'm not sure it's a good idea to keep him in the house." "We should get rid of him once and for all." "Danny boy really can't stand cat hair." "He could be our best line of defence." "(GASPS)" "CARLO:" "He's not alone." "We're counting on you two." "Don't let us down." "Oh, no, not again!" "Make sure you hit him, too, this time." "DANIEL:" "Mrs Johnson?" "Lasandra, Lasandra Johnson." " A pleasure." " (WHIMPERS)" "What a nice little dog you have here." "(GASPS) Tickle, tickle." " Tickle, tickle." " (GROWLS)" "What's gotten into you, sugar?" "Okay, calm down." "Mommy's here." " Shall we?" "So, do you live in the area?" " Mmm-hmm." "But I am looking for a bigger place." "Gonna open up a hair salon." "You know, you can make a fortune with them Brazilian blowouts." "Ooh, you best be givin' me some space, mister!" "Sorry, bit of a bird problem." "Not enough fibre, I suppose." "(LAUGHING)" "(GRUNTS) Never mind." " (SPEAKING FRENCH BADLY) - (YAPPING)" "CARLO:" "He must have saw us coming!" "What are we gonna do now?" "Hmm." "We go to Plan B." "Huh, Plan B?" "Perhaps a little rodent infestation to discourage one from buying?" "Ah, I like this Plan B." "Okay, I'm on it." "I won't let you down, Jack." "Ah, I have one eensy-weesy problem." "Problem?" "You need to have full disclosure, I know my..." "No, no, no, you see, the owner had a cat." "And I'm super allergic to cats." "I don't smell nothing." "(SNEEZES)" "Take your time." "Have a good look around." "I'll be right out here if you have any questions." "(GROANS) He must still have that wretched cat in here!" "Oh, honey, that man has a screw loose." "This place is makin' my fur stand on end. (BREATHING HEAVILY)" "I don't want to be fighting no creepy critters." "What is up with you today?" "Now, you stay here." "Momma's gonna be right back." "Oh, well, I do like this staircase, though." "Okay, okay, no time to panic." "There's got to be an open window around here somewhere. (PANTING)" "(GASPS)" "(SCREAMING)" "(SNIFFING)" "(PANTING)" "Get a grip." "Keep your cool." "Breathe." "(INHALES)" "I wonder where that wacky gato is." "Probably done turned him into a ghost." " THUNDER:" "Hey, what are you doing here?" " (EXCLAIMING)" " Psst, dog!" " (SCREAMING)" " Who that?" " Up here!" "It's me, Thunder." " The cat." " Hey, is that you, gato?" "Ooh, I knew this place was freaky!" "They done turned you into a bird!" "Not really." "They locked me up in here." "What's the matter?" "No more warm and fuzzy part of the family for you?" "Well, it's complicated." "I betcha there's one of them dog cemeteries up in here or some nasty ghosts floating around." " Why my owner wants to buy it beats me." " We've got to stop her." "That's what I'm saying, mi bro!" "You got to help me out of here." "Okay, okay, sure, uh, how am I gonna do that?" "Oh..." "Grab my tail." "(GRUNTS)" "I knew it!" "Are you sure?" "What if I rip your tail off?" "THUNDER:" "I doubt that." "Come on, grab it!" "Ooh, that's a whole lot of stairs." "(SCREAMING)" "(EXCLAIMING)" "(SCREAMS)" " (DOG YOWLS)" " Oh, my baby!" "(SQUEAKING)" "Oh... (GROANING)" "Ohhh..." "Yahoo!" "Thanks!" "Whatever." "Can we get our butts out of here now?" " (THUD)" " Follow me." " (CREAKING) - (EXCLAIMS)" "Ah!" "I got you, damned cat!" "It's the Boston River for you!" " Bye-bye, allergy." " (MEOWING)" "What?" " Uh-oh!" " (YAPPING)" " (BITES) - (GRUNTS)" "What did you do to my dog?" "(TYRES SCREECHING)" "(SIGHS)" "At least that mangy cat's gone." "Well done, Maggie." " Huh?" " You scared that woman big-time." "We got rid of her." "Oh, yes, of course, absolutely!" "What about the cat?" "It appears fur ball took advantage of your diversion to escape." "Oh, never mind." "We can do without him." "From now on," " we have a super-rodent in the house." " Hmm." " Guys, there is a cat outside!" " (CHEERING)" "(EXCLAIMING)" "(LAWRENCE LAUGHING)" "These grapes are divine!" "You're spoiling me." "Where did you get them?" "Look!" "There's a cat on the sill." "Ah, it's Thunder!" "You little rascal!" "What are you waiting for?" "Come over here." "How long have you had him?" "He just showed up at my house a couple of days ago." "I don't think he's a stray." "Too clean, well-behaved." "No nametag, though." "Maybe he's lost." "Abandoned, more likely." "That's awful." "Such a cute little cat." "Tough times nowadays." "Lots of people losing their houses, no way to take care of their pets." "Come on, Thunder." " What's wrong?" " He's afraid of you." "Probably thinks I'm mad at him for what happened." "No, it wasn't your fault." " DYLAN:" "Can we keep him?" " I'd love to but, uh, you know Nurse Baxter." "Yeah, you're right, she's a mean cookie." "Oh, not really." "Tough maybe, but not mean." "This is a hospital, after all." "Perhaps you should go back to the house, keep the others company." "I've asked Daniel to take care of all of you." "No need to worry, I'll be back before you know it." " (GASPING)" " There you two are!" "Hmm, what are you hiding?" "Nothing." " Step aside!" " (CLATTERING)" "Oops. (LAUGHING)" "Hmm." "Strange." "You mustn't bother Mr Lawrence." " (SIGHS)" " Not at all!" "I enjoy their company." " We were about to play a game of cards." " (GRUNTS)" "(STRUGGLING)" "JACK:" "Eight, nine, ten." "All right, limber up, now." "What's your mantra, soldier?" "I'm a tiger, I'm a predator, my hee-yah bite will be lethal!" "Perfect!" "We're ready for our next visitor." "Hmm, lots of potential," "I could knock that wall through, make it an open plan down here." "I'm feeling kind of, uh, boutique hotel." "Wonderful." "So you like it, then?" "Do I?" "My arm hair is standing on end!" "Let me call my wife, she should have been here by now." "She will be positively mad for it!" " I believe she's here!" " (TYRES SCREECHING)" "Why don't you continue your tour?" "I'll greet your wife." "(GRUNTS)" "What a magnificent staircase!" "Very Gone With The Wind-ish." "How divine would a splash of umbra be!" "With gold accents!" "No mercy!" "(SQUEAKING)" "(LAUGHS) Now, what have we here?" "A kung fu mouse?" "Hysterical!" "(GASPING)" "Darling!" "Wow, looks like somebody's in trouble." " Everything's under control!" " If you say so." "DANIEL:" "The seller is very motivated to sell." " In this market..." " Hey, wait, get me out of here." "DANIEL:" "Mortgage rates are quite favourable, as I'm sure you're well aware of." "Does the house come furnished?" "Oh, I'm certain I could convince the owner to part with some of his rather eclectic furnishings." "(INHALES)" "I suppose it's, uh..." "How do you say..." "A diamond in the rough." "Exactly!" " I'm sure I could make something out of it." " I told you she'd love it." "Sounds like things are getting serious." "Come on." "Let me show you the living room, Mrs Eames." "I think you're going to love it." "Full of that Old World charm." "(SNIFFLES) Now, the fireplace works, and... (SNEEZES) Sorry." " Cat allergy." " I don't see any cat in here." "He's gone but the dander is everywhere." "(GASPING) I just need a bit of fresh air, if you don't mind." "I'll be on the front porch if you have any... (SNEEZES)" "Questions?" " (GASPING)" " I forgot to mention, the wine cellar is that way." "Ooh, now you're talking my language." "(SNEEZES)" "Hmm." "Could be quite charming. (CHUCKLES)" "Naturally, it will need a complete overhaul." "Oh, I love those vintage utensils." "Hmm." "Too vintage maybe." "Hmm." "Plumbing seems to be okay." "Typical, inferior brands." "(GASPS)" "Oh." "That's odd." "(EXCLAIMING)" "(STAMMERING)" "I can't..." "I can't..." "(SCREAMING)" "Whoever is doing this, you are going to regret it!" "Oh!" "(GRUNTING)" "(GROANING)" "Somebody, help!" "Help!" "Somebody, help me, please!" "Darling, they have a 1939 Chateau Margaux!" "Don't you just love this place, it's like... (GASPING)" "(WHIMPERING) Oh, please, get me out of here." "But darling, it's a 1939 Chateau Margaux." "Now!" "Ah!" "Quite a marvellous... (GASPS)" "What happened?" "You tell me." "But I don't understand!" "This house is haunted!" "Haunted?" "That's absurd. (LAUGHING)" "What are you saying?" "My wife is a liar?" "No!" "Of course not." "I'm just saying that there must be a logical explanation." "Enough talk!" "I know what I've seen!" "This is a weird and creepy place." "(SOBBING)" "I was so, so frightened!" "This house is most certainly haunted." "Yes, you heard me!" "Haunted!" "(CAR ENGINE STARTING)" "No!" "What is going on here?" "Probably my uncle's stupid little gadgets getting out of control again." "People must think the house is booby-trapped." "Time to get rid of all this junk!" " (DIALLING PHONE) - (SNEEZES)" "(SIGHS)" "Damn allergy!" "CARLA:" "Did you see that?" "Thunder got rid of those people and Daniel, too!" "CARLO:" "That was a great plan!" "Thunder is a genius!" " Ah, it's just good teamwork." " JACK:" "Hold on, not so fast." "What's going on here?" "First you run away, then you show up and act like you own the place?" " I went to the hospital to see Lawrence." " (SCOFFS) Liar!" "Cool your paws, Mags." "So, you saw the old man, did ya?" "Well, tell us, then, which of his legs did he injure?" "Um..." "See?" "You never went." "His left leg!" "It's in a harness." "And his right arm, too!" "Thunder is right." "And I can tell you for sure, he is not mad at me." "Well, here's how it's going to go." "Get him." "Get the cat, I said!" "So this is the way it's going to be?" "You're going to regret it." "Come on, we need to stick together." "Daniel's furious." "We have to expect the worst." "I've got a new strategy and it involves you two." "No way!" "You're all a bunch of losers." "Come on, guys, we'll show them who's a bunch of losers!" "Ah." "Oh, not again." "I am glad I'll be going home soon." "Oh." ""Rhode Island Senior Retirement Home."" "Definitely not my kind of place." "MIKE:" "So I slapped the guy around a bit and that was the end of the discussion." "(LAUGHING) That's what I call taking care of business." "So what's the deal with this place, some kinda museum or what?" "MIKE:" "Nah, the realtor said it was full of some old magic dude's junk." "We gotta clean the place out." "And watch it there, some of this stuff is pretty fragile." " (GLASS SHATTERING)" " Oops." " I guess that's one for the dump. (SCOFFS) - (LAUGHING)" "Who are these guys?" "Doesn't look like they're here to buy the house." "No matter." "Once Daniel gets back, we make our move." "(WHISTLES)" "MIKE:" "Okay, let's get hustling and no napping." "Sooner we get this done, sooner we get paid." "(GRUNTING)" "(ZOLTAR LAUGHING)" "Let Zoltar predict your future!" "What's a Zoltar?" ""Falling sky."" "What's that supposed to mean?" "(WHISTLES)" "Hey, watch it, will you, Mark?" "Hey, what are you talking about?" "I didn't do nothing." "Sure you didn't, you big doofus." "(WHISTLING)" "(DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYING)" "I thought there was no one in here." "Ow!" "Come on, stop dropping stuff on me, huh?" "(GASPS) What kind of joke is this?" "(GASPING)" " Let Zoltar predict your future!" " (EXCLAIMS)" "Zoltar." "Get away from me, you stupid Zoltar, or whatever you are!" " Come on, come on, open..." " Accept your future. (LAUGHING)" "(MUSIC STOPS)" "Okay." "I thought I heard music." "Whatever." "(WHISTLING)" "Hey, where's all my stuff?" "Hey, how did you get there?" "Okay, okay, calm down, there must be a way out." " (GASPS) Holy..." "Oh!" "Ah!" " (LAUGHING)" "(BATS SCREECHING)" "Ah!" "Get away from me!" "Get away!" "(ALL SINGING INDISTINCTLY)" " (SCREECHES) - (EXCLAIMS)" "Hey, where you going?" "(TINKLY MUSIC PLAYING)" "Ahhh!" "(SCREAMING) Stop it, stop it!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "(GRUNTS)" "(WHIMPERING)" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Ah, let me out of this chair!" "Let me out!" "Let me out!" "No, no, no!" "(MIKE EXCLAIMING)" "(BARKS)" "(WHIMPERING)" "(ALL SCREECHING)" "(CONTINUES WHIMPERING)" "(MIKE GROANING)" " Oh!" " MARK:" "Mikey!" "(SCREAMING)" "(BOTH GROAN)" " (THUNDER GROWLING) - (BOTH GASP)" "What in the world are you?" "(YOWLING)" "Make it go away, Mark." "Back off, you... you... you..." "you whatever you are." "You smell something burning?" "(BOTH EXCLAIMING)" " MIKE:" "Oh!" " MARK:" "Mike, Mike, Mike... (SCREAMING)" "Whoa!" "(STAMMERING) Mike, Mike, Mike!" "(WHIMPERING)" "Mikey!" "(SCREAMING)" "(BOTH GRUNT)" "(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING IN CAR)" "What?" " Oh!" " (TYRES SQUEALING)" "Where are they going?" "They can't be done!" "What in the damn of..." "You gotta be kidding me!" "What a mess." "(JACK GRUNTS)" "(GASPS)" "(SCREAMING)" "(GASPS)" "(GROANS)" "(GASPS)" "Oh, I should have known you had something to do with this." "Get over here!" "(GRUNTING)" "(SNEEZING)" "(COUGHING)" "(SNEEZING)" "(EXCLAIMING)" "I'm coming for you, cat!" "(SNEEZES)" "There will be no mercy!" "We're looking quite chipper today." " How do you feel, Mr Lawrence?" " I feel great." "(CHUCKLES) Can't say I'll miss those shots of yours." "(GROANS) So, when can I go home?" "Tomorrow afternoon, right after the doctor discharges you." "Fantastic!" "That nice nephew of yours" " has made all the arrangements." " Perfect." "Oh, I'm sure you're going to love the retirement facility." " What?" " Rhode Island is so beautiful." "So that's what the brochure was all about." "No way." "I'm going back to my own house." "Oh, well," "I'm certain your nephew will explain everything to you." "(SCOFFS)" "Dylan, please hand me the telephone." "(MOBILE RINGING)" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Hey!" "(EXHALES)" "Hide and be safe!" "Oh-ho." "Not this time, cat." "Play time's over." " (GUNSHOT) - (GASPS)" "Ah." "(YELLS)" "Damn birds." "Now, back to you!" "Huh, where is he?" "THUNDER:" "Whoa!" "(WHIMPERING)" "Oh, you're not getting away this time." "I believe Daniel has lost his mind." "This is going too far." "What should we do?" "In his state, I'm afraid no one's going to able to stop him." "We'd better stay out of sight." "Oh, you can hide." "But you won't get away." "(CHUCKLES) It's futile to hide from me." "You got nowhere to go." "Come on." "Come on!" "No more fooling around." "You're trapped now." "They say a cat has nine lives." "Why don't we see if it's true?" "(WHIMPERS)" "Here, kitty, kitty." "Here, little kitty, kitty, kitty." "Peek-a-boo!" "(GROANS)" "(GUNSHOT)" "You are history." " Ah!" " (BULLET RICOCHETING)" "Oh." "(CACKLING)" "Well, then, no more allergy." "No more sneezing." "(EXCLAIMING)" "Huh?" "(GASPS)" "Where'd you all come from?" "My gun!" "Give me..." "No, come here." "(GRUNTS)" "(WHIMPERS)" "I am gonna kick your little gear butts like there's no tomorrow." "Oh!" "How many of you guys are there?" "Ah!" "(GROANING)" "No, no, no, no." "No!" " (SCREAMING) - (THUD)" "(GROANING)" "(CHUCKLING)" "Now, that is exactly what the doctor ordered." "LAWRENCE:" "Let's try one more time." " (DIALLING PHONE) - (LINE RINGING)" " DANIEL:" "Yes?" " Daniel?" "What's going on?" "Uncle Lawrence." "No, I don't have time to talk right now." "Why on earth are you sending me to a retirement home?" "(KLAXON BLOWING)" " What's all that noise?" " I can't hear you." "Call me back in an hour, I should be done with the house!" " (LINE DISCONNECTS) - (MUTTERS)" "What's going on, Mr Lawrence?" "I can't wait to be discharged tomorrow." "There's no time to lose!" "(STAMMERS)" "Mr Lawrence, please return to your room at once." "Nurse Baxter, I need to get back to my house." " Not until the doctor says so." " But you don't understand." "I need to go home now." "Not until you get discharged." "Mr Lawrence, we'll get you a ride back." "(STAMMERS) What did you say?" " I know everybody around here." " We'll help you." "What have we here?" "(GASPS) Where's the cat?" "They're doing their freeze thing again." " That can only mean one thing." " The cat must be a goner." " (RUMBLING)" " Huh?" "What's going on?" "CARLO:" "You need to get out of there, quick!" "CARLA:" "There's a big trouble on the way!" "MAGGIE:" "Oh, no!" "The nephew's back with a nasty-looking machine." "(GROANS) The situation is getting totally out of control." "We've got to stop him now." "No time to waste." "Huh?" "This house is history!" "(GRUNTS)" "Ah, come on!" "(BOTH COOING)" "(SIREN WAILING)" "Excuse me, uh, but don't you think you should..." "Dylan?" "Izzy?" "We've got it under control, Mr Lawrence." "But you can't..." "I mean, you're only..." "We're almost there." "Sit back and enjoy the ride." "How does this stupid contraption work?" "Whoa!" " Wait, Jack, I'm not sure that's..." " We have no choice!" "I'm going for it." "Whoa." "Oh, dear." "Come on, you stupid gears." "Why couldn't they make these things automatic?" "(GRUNTING) Oh, no!" "It appears I'm a bit too stout in the girth to make it through." "Oh, I knew it." "Okay, let me see what I can do." "Suck it in, Jack." "Oh!" "My leg!" "Sorry, Jack." "Oh!" "Okay." "Now we're talking." "I figured that out." "No, no, no, no!" "(SIGHS)" "(GROANS) Okay." "One, two..." "Hold on, Jack, I'll get help." "Maggie?" "Don't want to mess with the car." "No." "No, no, no, no." "(PANTING)" "I need your help." "Jack is stuck." "There's nothing you can do for Thunder." "Just standing there won't bring him back." "Thunder." "You're..." "You're alive." "Uh, what just happened?" "Look, I'm really sorry for..." "(GASPS)" "You saved me." "Is everyone safe?" "No, the trap door is blocked." "Come with me and be careful." "All right!" "I'm starting to get the knack of this." "Huh?" "Oh, no." "Not that old pain in the neck." "Daniel!" "What are you doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing?" "Come down from there right now before someone gets hurt." "Just stay out of the way and no one will get hurt." "You can't destroy my house." "You have no right." " Yes, I do." "Remember this?" " What?" "You tricked me." "Daniel, please stop it." "You can't do that to them." "I can and I want to." "No, no, no!" "(GROANS) What is up with these stupid birds?" " Look!" " It's Thunder." "He's helping the others get out." "(GROANS) It's you!" "I thought I took care of you already!" "Dylan, Izzy, we need to back off." "He's gone totally mad." "Daniel, just stop it!" "(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)" "Come on." "Let's go." "Thunder, wait." "We can't jump that far." "Gunther, help them get across." "Oh, but be careful!" "The ball!" " I got him." " Good catch, Dylan." "Stay here." "Is he crazy?" "(WHIMPERS)" "Don't worry, I have a plan." " (SCREAMS)" " Thunder!" "I can't believe it!" "I'll show you who's in charge." "Take this, if you can." " Whoa!" " (CHUCKLING)" "Mr Lawrence, can't you use magic and make him stop?" "My magic isn't strong enough for this." "Whoa!" "He's definitely going to kill Thunder." "Twiggoo, take me down." " Maggie!" " Oh, no!" "(SCREAMING)" "CARLO:" "Hang on, Maggie." "(MAGGIE EXCLAIMS)" " CARLA:" "That's-a my big guy." " (LAUGHS)" " (MAGGIE EXCLAIMS) - (CARLA YELLS)" "(WHIMPERING)" "(SQUEALS)" "(PANTING)" "(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)" "Whoa!" "A mouse!" "Get out of here!" "(GRUNTING)" "Whoa!" "Ah, gotcha!" "Huh?" "All right, Thunder!" "THUNDER:" "Whoa!" "(THUD)" "Huh?" "Where is he?" "(EXCLAIMS)" "No!" "(SNEEZES)" "No, no!" "(GASPING)" "My car." "(SCREAMING)" "(SNEEZING)" "Shame on you!" "Treating defenceless little animals like that." "Defenceless?" "Ah!" "Stop it!" "I should let you sneeze to death for the mess you've made of things." "Please, Uncle Lawrence." "Please help me." "I can't take it!" "I'm going to pass out from all this." "(SNEEZING)" "I suppose that wouldn't be a good thing." "We wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you." "You've got a lot of repair work to do." "I think it best if we get him over to the emergency room now." " We'll take him." " No, no." "You two have done enough driving for a while." "Let's call 911." "(DANIEL CONTINUES SNEEZING)" "Thunder?" "Oh." "Hi, Maggie." "I just wanted to thank you for saving me back there and well, you know, apologise for treating you the way I did." "I understand." "You guys have been together for a long time." "No!" "We..." "I was wrong." "But you made it right." "You helped me save the house." "We're a great team." "Huh?" "Oh." "You're right." "It looks like we still have some unfinished business." "Let's get them off the roof." "Aye, aye, Captain. (GIGGLES)" "Hello?" "A bit of a hand over here would be greatly appreciated." "Anyone?" "Abracadabra!" "Presto!" " CHILDREN:" "Wow!" " (APPLAUSE)" "It doesn't get any better than this." "Indeed, indeed." "It's great to have Lawrence back." "Whoo-hoo!" "Hey, gato!" "Word on the street is that you guys put on one crazy good show!" "Hey, I thought this place freaked you out." "Ghosts, big-toothed were-rabbit and an evil mouse, remember?" "Well, I suppose I do get a bit carried away sometimes, especially when I'm excited." "(CHUCKLES)" "(CLEARS THROAT) Anyway, you wouldn't by any chance have room for someone else, namely me, in your little act, would you?" "You're a trained actor?" "Am I an actor?" "I'm the Marlon Brando of chihuahuas!" "I can roll over, play dead, look cool, but I don't fetch." "Mmm-mmm." "Mmm-mmm." "I ain't no retriever." "So what do ya say?" "I can fit in, do what you want." "I can play whatever you need," "I'm the man." " (CHILDREN CHEERING)" " Hey, guys!" "We're on next!" "Come on!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hang on, man." "So, then, I take that as a yes?" "(ALL CHEERING)" "CHILDREN:" "Wow!" "Let's give a big round of applause to Jack, Maggie and Thunder!" "(DOORBELL CHIMES)" "(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)" "Oh!" "You must be the real estate agent." "Sorry I'm a bit late." "Quite the quaint abode you have." "Yes, but now that I'm alone, this place is just too big for me." "I'm going to a nice retirement home." "So, how much cash you think I could get for the place?" "Let's have a look inside and I'll give you my best estimate." "(CATS MEOWING)" "DANIEL:" "Oh, no." "(SNEEZING) That's it." "I need to find another line of work!" "(♪ THIS OLE HOUSE BY SHAKIN' STEVENS)"