"Got a call from Heather Chandler who'd like to dedicate this song to the James Buchanan High varsity football team." "Go, Cougars." "Yeah." "Bringing him out." "All right, go in." "You don't have to keep buying stuff for cover just because you're in here all the time." "I actually need new iPod speakers." "It's plausible that you're here to discuss dinner plans with me, your boyfriend." "Okay, sweetie, what are you in the mood for, Thai or Chinese?" "Wait." "Really?" "I'm still digesting my Honey Nut Cheerios." "I'm a little unprepared to discuss dinner plans, I think." "Oh, unless we're not going to be actually eating." "Will we be eating food, or are we just saying we'll be eating food?" "Not that it matters." "It'll factor into lunch." "Can I get a straight answer, Sarah?" "I mean, you don't have to be so secretive about pad thai noodles." "Bogey at your 6." "Roger that." "Secure the asset immediately." "Take him to the Orange Orange." " Hey." "Okay, okay, okay." " You stay here." " Why?" " Well, I couldn't shake a suspicious tail." "Until we establish the depth of the threat, stay put." "Don't move." "Touch nothing." " Wait for me." "Got it?" " Whatever." "Oh, wow." "I can't believe I'm this close to an actual DU-97." "Freon-cooled, reconfigurable 30-teraflop architecture with modules for cryptanalysis and video processing." "She's so beautiful." "I know you." "And I never forget a face." "Buy More." "Courtyard." "Awkward." "Guess I just have one of those familiar faces." " Jackpot." " That's not it." " I know you." " I tried my hand at acting a while back." "It'll come to me." "I was on a national television commercial." "I ate a messy cheeseburger." "Maybe that's it." "I know exactly who you are." "We went to high school together." " What?" " Wait, wait, wait." "Don't tell me your name." "I'll get it." "Huh, I never forget a face." "You look so different now." "Well, for the better, I mean." "Oh, I'm sure you have me confused with someone el..." " Jenny." "That's it." "Jenny Burton." "Jenny Burton?" "Heather Chandler." "Well, Heather Ratner now." "I married Mark Ratner." "Oh, James Buchanan High, class of '98." " Go, Cougars." " Yeah." "Heather, of course." "Um, how have you been?" "Oh, my God." "Mark, look who it is." "It's Jenny Burton." " Who?" " Jenny Burton from high school." "You know, the one." "Oh, yeah." "Hi, Jenny, heh." "Heading down for the reunion this weekend?" "Oh, no." "I'm not much of a reunion person." "Hey." "I told you to stay put." "I know." "It's just, you know the tummy is a-rumbling." " Chuck." " Yes, honey?" " Is this your boyfriend?" " You know these people, sweetie?" " No." "I'm Heather." "We all went to high school together." "Come on." "Of all the semi-tart, Asian-influenced, frozen-yogurt shops in all the towns in all the world, you walked into hers?" "I know." "It's crazy, right?" "We live in Westlake now because it's closer to Mark's work, but we go down there all the time." "Do you?" "You go...?" "Go down there, huh?" "Yeah." "Weather's real nice this time of year." " Do you need a to-go lid?" " Well, come on, now." " Weather's always great in San Diego." " Yeah." "Yes, it is." "That's what I always say." "Down there in San Diego, where you're from." "I'm Chuck, by the way." "But, uh, around here, people just know me as..." "As Jenny's Chuck." " Jenny and Chuck." "Chuck and Jenny." " Chuck, I'm Mark Ratner." "Mark Ratner, Mark Ratner." "Mark Ratner." "Oh, ugh, brain freeze." "I think I had a little too much yogurt." "Ahem, hey, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight?" "You got any plans?" "Maybe we could get together and reminisce about old times." "Sounds great." "I mean, any friends of Jenny are friends of mine." "Oh, I don't know, Chuck." "It might be pretty boring for you to take a trip down memory lane with us." "Good God, no." "Not at all." "I can't think of anything that I'd rather do than spend an evening learning all about my Jenny." "Heh." "Gather round, clock punchers." "Big announcement." "I'm not coming in for a few days." "Got a meeting." " Oh, some fat cats over at Corporate?" " Nope." "With a bunch of fat catfish over in Lake Havasu." "And while I'm away, Mr. Patel here will be in charge." " Party-hearty." " Psst." "Or the opposite of that." "I want you to give Lester the same respect you give me." "When you look at him, I want you to see Big Mike and not some scrawny-ass Indian kid with a Bay City Rollers hairdo." " Thank you, sir." " That's it." "Back to the salt mine." "Dinner?" "Come on." " What were you thinking?" " What was I to do?" "I flashed on the guy." "These people are from my past, a past you have no business poking around in." "I'm sorry." "I was just trying to do my job." "I thought you'd be happy I used initiative." "Uh, don't kill the messenger." "Not the kid's fault you went to high school with a treasonous scumbag." "Good morning, boys and girl." "Mark Ratner." "He's an engineer at Winthrop-Keller Aeronautics." "Has clearance to extremely sensitive plans for future weapons technology." "Picture the next generation of F-22 Raptors." " Essentially, a super-bomber." " Unh." "This technology has been leaked." "Chuck's instincts were good." "Your mission is go to dinner with the Ratners." "See if Chuck flashes off of anything." "General, I apologize, but I'm afraid I must recuse myself from this mission." "My cover has been compromised." "Agent Walker, you have preexisting social history with the target." "Seems to me like you have the perfect cover." " But it's not a cover, ma'am." "It's me." " Well, I hope you enjoy Italian food." "With Big Mike gone, I've come up with a plan to revolutionize Buy More sales." "From now on, we're gonna work with our customers to create, uh, mutually agreed-upon prices." "Yeah, but how are we supposed to do that?" "I mean..." "As this is a teaching hospital, watch and learn, my friends." "Watch and learn." " Hey." " Hi." "I see you're in the market for a new TV." " Yeah." " Shopping for your mother?" " What?" "No, it's for me." " This one's a little dainty, isn't it?" "You want the complete entertainment experience." "I would recommend this one." " Uh, I can't afford this one." " Oh, no, no, no, no, no." "Don't get caught up in this." "This is just a suggestion." " How about you make me an offer?" " Okay." " How about you shave 300 bucks off?" " Sold." " Whoa." " Really?" "Hey there." "May I help you with this washer and dryer?" "Oh, afraid it's not in my budget." "I'm only in the market for a dryer." "Ma'am, that's like buying one new shoe." "No, no, no." "Make me an offer." "You happy with that price?" "Guess I'd be happier if it was 100-bucks cheaper." "I live for your smile." "Let me take off 200." "Deal." "I'll sell you that computer for 400 bucks off sticker price." " Hey, buddy." "What's going on?" " Lester's new sales policy." "We're giving away the merchandise." "Throw in a wireless mouse?" "I'll throw in a wireless mouse and a bonus computer." " That's gonna end badly." " I know." "I know, Chuck." "That's part of the fun." " Sold." " Hah." "You're early." "Technically, I'm right on time for my pre-mission debriefing." " What are you talking about?" " Standard spy protocol." " I need some stats for my cover tonight." " Chuck..." "No need to apologize if you didn't have time for a full dossier preparation." "I think we'll just go over a few facts together, if that's okay." "Fantastic." "I'll go first." "I'll be playing the role of Jenny's boyfriend." "He works at Buy More not living up to his potential." "Sister is Ellie, doctor, engaged to a doctor." "All up to speed on Jenny's boyfriend." "Your turn." " I'm not doing this." " Okay, here's what we know thus far." "Jenny Burton went to James Buchanan High School in San Diego, California class of 1998." "Is it safe to assume "Jenny" is a diminutive of "Jennifer"?" "Back off, Chuck." "You have as much information as is pertinent to this assignment." "You spell "Jenny" with an I, or would it be...?" "All Jenny's boyfriend needs to know is Jenny hates questions about her past." " You got that?" " I'm good." "Yeah, I'm good." "How do you do that?" " So, Mark, what line of work are you in?" " Uh, engineering." "Actually, what I'm working on is technically top-secret." "And let's keep it that way, because no one gives a rip." "So how long have you two lovebirds been together?" " Years." " Months." "That add up to years." "You know, I don't even remember my life before Chuck." "What's the matter?" "Sweating like a pig." "It's kind of gross." "No." "Oh, sorry." "I'm fine." "I'm fine." " Would you excuse me for a minute?" " Sure." "So, Jenny, is your job at the yogurt shop like a career or are you keeping yourself in Top Ramen between acting gigs?" "Oh, I've got a few things going on." "If you told me in high school Jenny Burton wanted to be a movie star I would've said, "Dream, little duckling." "Dream."" "And now here we are." "Your time is up, Mr. Ratner." "That soup looks delicious, Chuck." "Mm, It is." "Cilantro, very controversial." "You either love it or hate it." "Me?" "I love it." "When's the last time you were down in San Diego?" " Mm, it's been a while." " Mm, don't get to visit your dad much?" "Um, excuse me." "More wine, please." "Mm, ah, yes." "It's a lovely Pinot Noir." "Earthy, complex, with a hint of cherry blossom." "When you're kids, there's that fun house all the kids hang out at." "Would you say that was the case with Jenny's house-condo-apartment?" " Oh." " Ah!" "Oh, my God." "I'm so sorry." " God, I'm such a spaz." " Ha-ha-ha." " Now, there's the Jenny we know." " Ha-ha-ha." "Excuse me." "Beg your pardon." "Not the first American tax dollars wasted on a man's lap." "Give us plans now." "I need to know that if I hand over the plans, no harm will come to my wife." " Oh, my God." " Who the hell are you?" " Who is this guy?" "This is setup." " No." "God, no." " He's no one." " That's a little hurtful." "He's just the boyfriend of some girl that I went to high school with." "You know what?" "I'm just gonna grab some club soda to take care of my stain." "So, Heather, uh, how do you stay in such great shape?" "Got obsessed with karate because my instructor's a hottie." "I'm a black belt now." "I clued in you didn't wanna talk about your dad in front of your BF." "Does Chuck not know?" " Uh, do you mind if I take over?" " Oh, no, huh, it's my first day." " Go check on Chuck." " Lf you promise not to filet her." "I can't promise anything." "Took a knife-skills course at the culinary academy." "Is that to further your yogurt career, or are you angling toward something bigger?" "Say, Carving Station at Lawry's?" "So, what you know?" "I don't know anything." "I just came in to do my little-boy business." "Turn on hand dryer, so no one hear him scream." "Hear who scream?" "Me scream?" "All right, I'm gonna pull the van around so we can stow these guys." "Be right back." "How...?" "How did you do that?" "Uh, uh." "You know, it was a self-defense thingy I took at the Y." " It was pretty comprehensive." " Are you nuts?" "These guys are killers." "Bullies are like bears." "They're more afraid of you than you are of them." "Or is that bees?" "I think..." "Actually, it is bee." "Anyway, when you're dealing with the Russian mob..." "How did you know they're connected to the mob?" "Wait a minute." "I know exactly who you are." "Dude." " You're the man." " I'm hardly the man." "So who do you work for?" "Is it the FBI?" "CIA?" "NSA?" "You know, I can't discuss the particulars." "Okay." "I get it, I get it." "But just tell me, does Jenny know who you really are?" " Jenny knows nothing." " Of course not." "Ha, ha." "But, anyway, I just wanna thank you so much for saving my life." "Can't you just tell me your name, Agent...?" "Carmichael." "Special Agent Charles Carmichael." "This is not a negotiation." "Okay, Ratner." "Here's how this is gonna go down." "Wait." "You're our waiter from the restaurant." " Man, we really screwed you on the tip." " You want in to witness protection?" "You're gonna have to scratch our back too." "What do you mean?" "Those goons from last night, they don't report to their boss he's gonna want a follow-up meet." "We're gonna cover that drop." "He contact you yet?" "I'm sorry, but I'd prefer to deal only with Special Agent Carmichael." "The man saved my life last night." "Is that right, Special Agent Carmichael?" "Uh." "Ha, it's funny." "You should really see me scale buildings with suction cups, because I'm..." "I'm very good at that." "I only dabble in the violence, so..." "Modesty doesn't suit you, Mad Dog." "Mad Dog?" "Why do they call him that?" "Oh." "Listen, I gotta know where your next meet's at, okay?" "And I'll ask you real polite-like." "My partner here, he's a maniac." "Listen, that's fine if it's to protect you but you don't wanna be on the receiving end of Mad Dog." "You know how I got this, huh?" "I parked in his spot once." "This scar reminds me every day, don't mess with Mad Dog." "Now, I'm gonna ask you..." "I'm gonna..." "Let me ask you one more time." " Where's the meet?" " Look, I don't know, okay?" "He texts me, that's it." "That's all I know." "He's all yours, Mad Dog." "Wait, wait." "Wait a minute." "This is him." "Right now." "He's texting me right now." "This is him." "He wants to meet tonight." "But that doesn't work for me." "I can't meet tonight." "Tonight's my reunion." "My wife has been looking forward to this." "She wants to be Reunion Queen." "I couldn't disappoint her." "Stop talking." " You'll meet him there." " L..." "I don't know about this." "No one's gonna mess with you, man." "I got your back." "Okay." "Okay, I'll do it." "No!" "This can't be right." "No, no, no!" "No!" "No!" "How did this happen?" "No!" "What are you doing here?" "I thought it was your day off." "Uh, yeah, I had to swing by the mall to pick something up for Sarah." " What's going on with Lester?" " What is happening?" "Is this broken?" "Are you broken?" "No, he's been on it for like 15 minutes." " Hey." "What's going on?" "Everything okay?" " Chuck." "Chuck, thank God you're here." "You'll know what to do." "Look, the new Friendly Negotiation sales strategy worked brilliantly, right?" "We moved the largest volume of merchandise in four years." "But no matter how many times I crunch the numbers, we're still out 2,700 bucks." "Well, you forgot to carry the one, so, actually, it's 3,700." "What?" "Oh, my God." "I'm sorry I let you down." "All right, come on." "Pull yourself together here, man." "We are up excrement creek without a paddle." "So we're looking for ideas to make a lot of cash by tonight." "Any ideas?" "My mom knows a dude who will torch the place." " Our troubles will go up in flames." " Yeah." "While I'm impressed by the outside-of-the-box nature of Jeff's pitch I'm thinking maybe a simpler solution." "When we were in high school and hard up for cash when your parents were out, we'd host a kegger and charge by the head." "That's great, Chuck." "That's what we're gonna do." " Yes." " No, no, no." "I was..." "That was a good idea when we were 16." " Invite people from the mall." " I can call my best friend, Beer." "See if he can make it on short notice." "This could actually work." "This could actually work." "Great." "Good." "Glad I'll be a hundred miles away." "Let go of me." " Come on." "Stop." "Let me out." " Hey, Jenny." "You must be getting pretty lonely with your dad locked up." "Oh, my God." "Call me if you ever need a man around the house." " What?" " Brought you a present." "Well, it's not my birthday." "Oh, one down, 364-and-a-quarter possibilities to go." "Just open the box." "What do I need a new dress for?" "You're gonna see this as glass half-empty, but it's a real opportunity..." " Spill it." " We have to go to your reunion." "Look, I know that you don't like talking about your past, much less revisiting it." "But the reunion is where the drop's going down." "Look, I'm sorry." "It's just..." "High school, it was a tough time for me, okay?" "Tell me about it." "I get that." "Trying to figure out who you are and what you're gonna do with your life while constantly distracted with hormones." "It was more than that for me." "Hey." "It'll be okay." "Trust me." "Besides, everybody remembers high school way worse than it was." "You look great." " Welcome, Cougar." "Class of '98, ha-ha-ha." " Hi." "Jennifer Burton." "Hmm. "Burton."" " Oh, here." " Thanks." "Wait." "You're Jenny Burton?" "I am if it says I am." "Oh, my gosh." "Hey, hey, hey." "No one's gonna mess with you, Sarah, okay?" "I got your back." "Wow." " It's not that bad, it's not that bad." " Mm-hm." "Thank you." "The only difference between high school and a high-school reunion is that you don't get suspended for being drunk." "Wanna dance?" "Fortunately for you, I was at the top of my game in '98." "Oh, little bit of that." "Little bit..." "Come back." "Oh, and then mirror that." "You know, just kind of..." "What?" "What is it?" "You okay?" "So my buddies and I checked out the room and picked the best-Iooking girl." "Decided to come introduce myself to the woman I'll be waking up with tomorrow." " Dick Duffy." " And I'm Chuck, Jenny's boyfriend." "So..." "Jenny?" "Wait." "Jenny Burton?" "Damn." "Ten years has been very sweet to you." " Thank you." " Ten years is a hell of a long time." "Especially to someone living in an 8-by-10 cell." "How is your dad?" "Nachos." "Nachos." "I smell nachos." "That's gonna hit the spot." "Let's get some nachos." "Bye, Dick." " I think that's the guy." " What guy?" "I just flashed on Duffy." "What'd you do, attend Bad Guy High?" " What?" " Duffy has some connection to the mob." "I'm sure he's the guy Ratner's supposed to connect with to hand off the plans." "Makes sense." "He's always been a jerk." "Okay, you go catch Ratner up." "Have him set up the meet." " I'll tip off the DJ." " Why?" "Why the DJ?" "Look at this." "We're in the sweet spot." "People are loving this." "I can't believe this is actually working." "Hey, hey, take off your shoes." " Please, let's tell them to wipe their feet." " Right." "Yeah, I will." "Keep it..." "If you could just keep it down, that'd be..." "Pizza fingers off the merchandise there, please." "Okay, this is getting..." "Dude." "Please, man, we gotta be considerate of the neighbors, okay?" "Oh, no, no, no." "Is this how you people treat your own homes?" "My bosses at Langley have informed me that that's the guy who's been texting you." "Our target is Dick Duffy?" "Of course." "The guy who terrorized me in high school is now gonna terrorize the entire world with my super-bomber." "You're gonna be just fine." "You have my personal guarantee." "Uh, excuse me, Dick?" "I believe I'm supposed to see you about a certain transaction." "Ratner." "You're the last guy I thought I'd be having this conversation with." "All right, fine." "Meet me outside in five minutes." "Welcome, class of '98." "Go, Cougars." "Never should've stolen the bomber plans." "I should've gone right to you guys." "But they threatened my wife." "I wasn't thinking straight." "See, I'm just a guy who likes math, you know?" "And somehow I got a beautiful girl like that to fall in love with me." "I have to pinch myself sometimes." "It's like I'm dreaming." "Ah, forget it, Agent Carmichael." "I mean, how can I expect a cool guy like you to understand?" "You know what, Mark?" "Sometimes the nerd gets the girl." "In the middle of something?" "Got time for you." "Where's your boyfriend at?" "Don't worry about him." "Can't believe you're that same Jenny from high school." "You've changed so much." "Well, I'm still the same girl on the inside." "Bet you miss your daddy." "He's been gone so long." "But you know, baby, you can always call me Daddy." "Ooh." " That's all right, I like my ladies rough." " Ugh!" "Great." "We know he's a perv." "Don't know if he's the perp." "Yeah." "Sorry." "I'm just working out some childhood issues." "Knockoff watches, bootleg DVDs." "Came out here to sell Ratner a dime bag." "Guy's small-time." "So if Duffy isn't our guy, then who is?" "My husband spilled everything." "That's him and his handler." "I overheard them talking." "He's some CIA badass named Carmichael." "Kill them both." " Give him to me." " Find your own freaking fish." "Give me that fish." "Agh!" "You fool." "You fool." "Norman!" "That's it." "Party's over." "Get out!" "Right now!" "I mean, was I born to be a lawman?" "No." "I'd say it's more of a calling." "I got a bit of the shine." "Oh, no." " What's, "Oh, no"?" " Slight wrinkle." "Gotta improvise." "Move." "Welcome, James Buchanan High class of '98." "Go, Cougars." "Uh, for those of you who remember me, I clearly need no introduction." "And for those of you who don't, I'm not up here to talk about myself anyway." "No." "I'm here to talk to you about some people that will cause you to flash." "Flash back, that is." "So maybe with a few hints and a little bit of luck we can find two Cougars and throw some love on them." "How about this guy, huh?" "Michael Adler." "Drooled his way through Spanish class." "I know you do, Michael." "Ha-ha-ha." "And, uh, who else do we have?" "Ha-ha-ha." " She's a part of this." " You go." "I got these two." "Oh, how about, uh, how about this guy here?" "Come on, folks." "I know you know him." "Chippy." "Our one and only Chippy Sternin." "Remember?" "All-star pole-vaulter, who was unfortunately sidelined with a horrible case of impetigo." " Move it." "Let's go." "I was rooting for you." "I thought you were gonna go all-state." "It wasn't in the cards." "Who's drunk?" "You're drunk..." "Heather?" " Why'd you do it, Heather?" " Revenge of the cheerleaders." "We marry the geeks because they get rich." "But my husband wasn't ambitious enough." "And these Russians offered me a lot of money." "Who do you work for?" "I can help you." "I'm self-employed." "Your name has been at the top of my list of people who need a good ass-kicking." "Get in the locker now, Ratner." "You have three seconds to tell me where the plans are." "One." "Two." "Agent Carmichael, help." "Before I go, here's a classic from 1998." "Help." "Let me out." "Hello?" "You should've been suspicious of me right off." "I mean, why would a girl like me ever fall in love with a dorky nerd like him?" "Uh, you'd be surprised." "Thanks a lot, Mad Dog." "Always count on you to be in the right place at the right time." "I knew you wouldn't let me down, Agent Carmichael." " Ah." " Mm." "I'm glad I'm not the one who has to tell Ratner about his wife's involvement." "Humph, that's why love is for suckers." "Yeah." "Hey, you seen Sarah anywhere?" "Humph, sucker." "Now, I gotta ask how'd you wind up working for the feds?" "I mean, if you had told me in high school that Jenny Burton wanted to grow up to be an agent I would've said, "Dream, jailbird's daughter." "Dream."" "Guess you didn't follow in Daddy's footsteps after all." "Go, Cougars." "And queen of the class of 1998's 10-year reunion is Jennifer Burton." "Ha, ha!" "Jenny?" "Where are you?" " There you are." " Hey." " Yeah, Jenny." " Come on up here, Jenny." "See you at the 20th, Jenny." "Wow." "Don't worry, we'll fix this." "It'll be all good." "It'll be all good." "Come on." "We're almost there." "Big Mike's gonna be here any minute." "Let's go." "Listen up, listen up, listen up." "Um, first of all, I just want to acknowledge that I know that I'm not the easiest man to work for." "But I wanna thank you for all your hard work and mean it this time." "I mean, guys, what we have accomplished here is incredible." "And each and every one of you is a big, bright, shining star." "Oh, mothercrapper, the fish." "The fish." "Glue's still a little wet, but we had no choice, dude." "Morgan." "You did all this for me when I haven't always been very kind to you?" " May I ask you why?" " Heh." "I don't know, man." "I thought, you know, if I was there for you selflessly that you would see people are essentially kind at heart." "You know?" "And maybe you wouldn't walk around so afraid in this world, heh." "Dude, are you crying?" "Come on, I'm just doing my job." "Oh, Mike's coming." "Gotta go." "Work you've done here is outstanding." "Everyone's on time." "The store's tidy." "Even smells like a pine-scented forest." "Nice touch, Patel." "Will you look at these sales totals?" "With the kind of business you've done in my absence, I should go away more often." "Sir, if I might, um, the truth is that the pressure of management it's just too much." "I would really appreciate it if I could just resume my former position." " You sure, son?" " Yes." "Yes." "Thank you." "What the hell?" "Norman?" "Isn't that supposed to be a raw steak?" "Not on a Buy More salary, thank you very much." "I did scrape together enough cash to get you a cooked one as well." " Medium rare with extra pickles." " Extra pickle?" "Come on, who do you think you're dealing with here?" "Well, I never doubted you, Special Agent Charles Carmichael." "So I guess the big secret about you is that you used to be just a typical high-school student." "Wish I knew what happened to change that." "Nice toss." "Who are you?" "I'm the man who put your father in prison." "The question is who are you?" "In San Diego, you go by Jenny Burton." "In Wisconsin, it's Katie O'Connell." "Cleveland, it's Rebecca Franko." "Funny thing is when I looked at your birth certificate..." " I get your point." "What do you want?" "Your father scammed some pretty dangerous people." "I saved his life by putting him in jail." "Well, don't expect a thank-you note." "I can save your life too." "No, not that way." "Your dad trained you pretty well." "CIA can do even better." "You like names so much, hmm?" "What do you think about Sarah Walker?" "Sarah Walker, hello?" "Okay, fine." "I'll answer one question about my past." "You've earned that much." "Hmm." "No, thanks." "I don't need to know more, not about who you were." "Because as much as you don't think so, I know who you are." "A girl I'd like to share a cheeseburger with." " Should I get a knife?" "I'll get a knife." " Oh, that won't be necessary." " That's awesome, and a little disturbing." " Ha-ha-ha." "Oh, this is gonna be messy." "Do you want a big half or a small half?"