"Jerky and jerk have made these..." "For me?" "Kove:" "They miss when we were married, when we were a family." "Sometimes I think they might be right." "[ Cellphone rings ]" "Trent:" "Shut the hell up for a second." "I got a phone call." "Hello?" "Oh, Trent Houser." "Looks like you're the hero." "Trent:" "I'm not the hero." "Celebrities are the real heroes." "Maybe you do your job too well." "Trent:" "Who the hell is this?" "Remember what happened five years ago today?" "Trent:" "Yeah, cut out dairy-- Best decision I've ever made." "No, that's... that's not it." "You left me..." "For dead." "Trent:" "You got to be more specific, pal." "I've left hundreds of people for dead." "How's this for specificity?" "I've got your kids, and I'm at the old abandoned sugar mill." "If you don't bring me a million dollars, I'm gonna kill them and everyone else in San Diego." "Trent:" "That's pretty specific." "Kove:" "Is everything okay?" "Trent:" "Look, just because you're my ex-wife doesn't mean you can ask me questions whenever you want." "Kove:" "I might be your ex-wife, but I'm also your superior, so I'm asking this question as your boss, not your ex-wife." "Trent:" "Well, if you're my boss, then I quit." "Kove:" "You can't quit." "Trent:" "Sorry." "I got to do this alone." "Kove:" "Do what alone?" "Trent: [ Sighs ]" "Kove:" "Go to a birthday party, okay?" "Stop with the questions." "You're my ex-wife." "Kove:" "I wonder whose birthday it is." "[ Cellphone rings ]" "Piper, do you know anything about a party?" "Piper:" "Hello?" "Ferguson." "I'll be there in 15 minutes." "Wait, wait, wait." "I-I have your fiancé, Tucker." "Piper:" "I got it. 15 minutes." "I didn't tell you where yet." "Piper:" "Fine." "Where?" "The old abandoned sugar mill." "Piper:" "I'm on my way." "Oh, hold on." "Hold" " Bring a million dollars." "Piper:" "Got it." "You don't want to" "Kove:" "Oh, is that about the birthday party, Piper?" "Piper:" "You're not my wife!" "[ Telephone rings ]" "Alphonse:" "Not my wife." "[ Cellphone rings ]" "Sam:" "If anybody asks, tell them I'm at a birthday party or something." "You're not my wife." "Kove:" "Don't have time for a party anyway." "Too much going on." "[ Gasps ]" "Oh!" "Was that a call?" "!" "[ Gasps ]" "Phantom call." "Diego!" "♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "♪ oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "Trent:" "NTSF!" "This is a national emergency." "I need you to open up that safe right now and give me a million dollars." "I don't have access to the safe." "Trent:" "You don't?" "Uh..." "Give me some of these lotto scratch-offs, then." "Give me the pit-bull ones!" "What are you doing?" "Watching evidence and eating noodles" " Same thing I do every day." "Piper:" "Neat." "So..." "You know, I was thinking that you and I should really go out for a drink to just finally get to the bottom of this insane chemistry that's happening between us." "Really?" "Piper:" "Pretty crazy." "[ Both laugh ]" "It's just not a good time." "I just found out that my wife, to whom I've been married happily for 14 years..." "Is a dude who tucks his ding-a-ling..." "Between his legs." "Piper:" "So maybe tomorrow?" "Yeah." "Piper:" "Okay, Eddie." "Oh, also, before forget, um, is there any way that I could borrow that million dollars that we confiscated from the Ethiopian drug ring?" "No!" "[ Laughing ] It's totally against the rules." "Piper:" "Was that against the rules, Eddie?" "Where's that million dollars?" "Sam: $200 Max." "Shoot!" "[ Beeping ]" "What's the hold-up?" "Sam:" "Hey, calm down, man." "I got to do this about 4,997 more times." "Cutting off phones." "Warehouse." "Kove:" "Hi, 4-sight." "Hi." "Kove:" "Can you hear me?" "Yeah." "Kove:" "Have you received any mysterious phone calls lately?" "Yes." "Several calls." "Birthday party." "Really want to go." "Can't survive outside thought goo." "Kove:" "The damn pre-cog got an invite." "Really?" "Unbelievable." "Alphonse:" "Yo, Eddie, I need a million dollars a.S.A.P." "You guys always put me in these weird positions, and I don't appreciate it." "I'm gonna get that for you." "Trent:" "Come on!" "Ah!" "[ Laughs ]" "I won!" "I won!" "All right, man!" "Trent:" "I won!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Way to go, man!" "Trent:" "All right." "Now give me a million dollars." "That's not how it works." "You got to take that ticket up to the state lottery office." "Trent:" "Wait." "But maybe if I just gave it to someone, would they accept it as cash?" "Trent:" "Piper!" "Piper:" "Trent?" "Alphonse?" "Sam:" "I'm here, too, guys." "Alphonse:" "Well, if we're all here, then we all got blackmailed." "[ Metal clinking ]" "Well done." "Well done, NTSF:" "SD:" "SUV:." "Trent: [ Scoffs ]" "Where are my kids?" "Piper:" "Where's my fiancé?" "I didn't kidnap any of them." "Sam:" "Wait a second." "So, you're not my chemical romance, and you're not looking for a new drummer?" "Trent:" "No, Sam." "He's not my chemical romance by a long shot." "Piper:" "His name's chip." "Trent:" "Chip!" "We need those codes!" "One second." "Yes!" "I'm in." "I've accessed the mainframe." "Hyah!" "Aah!" "Ow!" "My right thumb!" "[ Ninjas grunting ]" "Alphonse:" "Whoa." "Piper:" "Oh, I don't have a shot!" "Alphonse:" "We don't want to hit the computer, man!" "Trent:" "Pull back!" "Too many ninjas!" "Wait!" "Help!" "What about me?" "!" "Trent:" "Sorry, chip." "There's no time." "Piper:" "You're a lost cause, chip!" "Alphonse:" "You're as good as dead, man!" "No, I've still got my left thumb!" "I'm okay!" "Hyah!" "Aaaaah!" "My left thumb!" "[ Grunts ]" "Trent:" "Oh." "Nay." "Piper:" "He used to have your job at NTSF before he quit." "I did not quit!" "Ninjas cut my thumbs off, and you guys left me for dead." "For the last five years, my life has been a living hell." "I've wandered the earth from town to town..." "Like a thumbless incredible hulk without any powers." "When I would walk the streets, women would turn their heads and weep." "Men would cringe." "Children would scream, "here he comes." "Here comes the monster." "Here comes the thumbless freak!"" "Trent:" "What, so this is our fault?" "Yes!" "Alphonse:" "Well, dude, I mean, if you survived, why didn't you just come back to work?" "I was depressed." "I mean, I didn't have any thumbs." "I was thumbless." "Trent:" "Face it." "You sound like a real loser." "[ Scoffs ]" "You got it all wrong, Hauser." "I am not a loser." "I'm the bomb." "Piper:" "Okay, he's got a bomb." "Sam:" "Okay." "Calm down." "Kove:" "I want you to run a database check on everyone in the United States who has a birthday today." "Searching." "Well, no one has a birthday today, but it is the fifth anniversary of when chip got his thumbs cut off when we left him for dead." "Kove:" "So..." "Chip's having a party." "Piper:" "Okay." "So, um, what, are you just gonna blow us all up?" "What did you need the $4 million for?" "I'm gonna destroy a lot of the state park when I kill you all, so I'm giving it back to the park service to rebuild 'cause I'm not a dick." "Sam:" "Yeah, but won't the money get blown up, too?" "Y-y..." "Just give me the money." "Give me the money." "Give it up." "Give it up." "Give it up." "Trent:" "Here you go." "What's this?" "Trent:" "A lotto ticket." "It's good for a million bucks." "Just bring it down to the lotto office." "They'll cash it in." "What about the taxes?" "I'm gonna have to report this to the I.R.S." "They'll take like 50%." "Trent:" "What do you want, chip?" "Your old job back?" "Wait, is that an option?" "Trent:" "Yeah." "Sure." "You got it back." "Serious?" "Trent:" "Yeah." "You guys would have me back at NTSF, forget about the bomb?" "Trent: [ Scoffs ]" "What bomb?" "All I see is a guy wearing a future vest with a couple clocks put on it." "Alphonse:" "I mean, you can't arrest a guy just for dressing weird." "[ Chuckles ]" "Trent:" "So, what do you say?" "Back on the team?" "[ Laughing ] I don't know, man." "You know what?" "Um..." "Yeah." "I am in." "[ Laughs ]" "I will see you guys on Monday." "Oh, my God!" "It's so fun being back!" "It's so fun!" "Piper:" "Chip's back!" "This is like my welcome back party, right?" "Alphonse:" "Right!" "[ Laughs ]" "Kove:" "Over my dead body." "[ Blade unsheathes ]" "Trent:" "Kove wait!" "Kove:" "Next time you throw a party, remember to invite me too." "Aah!" "Trent:" "Kove, it's not a birthday party!" "Kove:" "Don't lie to me!" "Trent:" "Fall back." "Kove's furious." "Go!" "Go!" "Wait!" "Help!" "You guys, what about me?" "!" "Trent:" "Sorry, chip." "No time." "Piper:" "You're a lost cause, chip!" "Alphonse:" "You're as good as dead, man!" "No." "[ Chuckles ]" "These thumbs are just prosthetic, guys." "You guys just hired me back." "Kove:" "Then you're fired again, and this is your severance package!" "Aah!" "Trent:" "Ay!"