"Ma, it's okay." "We have a WATS line at work and no one cares about the long distance." "Listen to me." "Listen to me." "When was the last time you and Dad went on a vacation, huh?" "Mom, if you can't remember, then it's been too long." "You can too get a week off." "You're just looking for excuses." "Tomorrow night, tomorrow night." "Listen, Mom, I gotta go." "Yeah." "My business meeting's about to start." "I'm sorry, Farley." "It's your time." "It's your time, Farley." "Jerry?" "Jerry?" "You all right?" "You gotta die, Farley." "You're gonna die tomorrow." " Who's there?" " Hap." " Hap who?" " Hap P." " Hap P?" " Happy anniversary to you" "Happy anniversary to you" "Happy anniversary, Maddie and David" "Happy anniversary to me and you" " Me and you?" " Me and you." "Just what are you up to?" "Hey, all work and no play makes any girl a lousy partner." "Champagne, huh?" "What's the occasion?" " You don't know?" " Apparently not." " It's our anniversary." " Anniversary?" "Anniversary." "Yeah." "One year ago today you slithered into my office, pleading to go into business." "A year, huh?" "Why does it seem so much longer?" "I've figured out the key to our success." " Separate offices?" " We're on the same wavelength." " We communicate." "We" " We what?" "Don't be funny." " So it's our anniversary?" " So it's our anniversary." " I had no idea." " I got lots." "I might loan you one." " So that's why you're here?" " We're a team." "Spinks and Holmes, Sears and Roebuck." " Heckle and Jeckle." " They're still working?" "Maddie, it's pretty amazing." "We stuck it out through good cases and bad cases." " Through no cases." " Longer than some marriages." " You know why?" " Separate offices." "We respect each other." "We think of ourselves as partners." "We think of ourselves as equals." "Maybe you're a little more equal than me." "But the fact remains, the union works." "The team is good." "To us." "To our friendship." "To our agency." "To another year." "I guess for a first year, it wasn't so bad." " It wasn't that bad at all." " You think so?" "Absolutely." "And it can only get better." "We're more experienced, more seasoned." "We have to look ahead, chart our course, set our priorities." "Lay the groundwork for the future today." " The groundwork?" " The groundwork." " That means understanding the past." " Understand the past?" "We have to analyze why we're doing so well." "Give credit where credit is due." " Credit where credit is due?" " Where credit is due." "We do?" "Says who?" "Says me." "It's time to give recognition to the people who set the example." "The folks who put in late hours." "The loyal worker who tracks down an extra bad guy." " You know these people?" " It so happens I do." "A year has gone by." "It's time to assess performance evaluate efficiency, review salaries." " Review salaries?" " Review salaries." " One salary." " I love it when you get specific." "So you want a raise." " It's been a year." " You're right." " Excuse me?" " I don't think it's unreasonable." " You don't?" " Over the year, you've worked hard." "I think you're entitled to more compensation." " And money." " You should get a raise." "I think I'm speechless." "Not exactly." "To a terrific lady boss." " So..." " So?" " So-ho-ho." " So-ho-ho, what?" " So-ho-ho, how much?" " How much what?" " How much of a raise?" " You wanna do this now?" " No time like the present." " It's 8:30 at night." "I got no place to go and everybody knows you're alone." "Having this conversation with you makes me terribly uncomfortable." " Why?" " I don't want you getting mad at me." " Mad at you?" "I'm not gonna get mad." " How can I be sure?" " Write down the figure, I'll say yes." " I wanna handle this professionally." "I'm for that." "Long straw wins." "Let's try this." "Write down what you want." "I'll write down what I'm prepared to offer." " Then we'll trade." " Don't wanna take a stab at rock, scissors, paper?" " Well." " Well." " You said you wouldn't get mad." " Are you nuts or what?" " Don't yell." " Is this a joke?" " I'm honest." " Is this for a week or a year?" "Five percent is very generous." "Generous?" "I'm out there every day, and this is all I'm worth?" "You asked me to assess and evaluate." "This is all you came up with?" "Under the circumstances, it's fair." "What circumstances?" "You're not exactly a model employee." "Wait, wait, wait." "This is about deportment?" "Your business behavior could use some improvement." "I'll save us time." "I'll get my mom and we'll have a PTA meeting." "It occurred to me that you never solved a case." " What?" " That's not to say you haven't tried." "Are you crazy?" "I've solved lots of cases." "No, David." "We've been lucky." "The cases sort of worked themselves out." "Sometimes in spite of you." " Us." " You're calling me incompetent." "Absolutely not." "I'm just saying you never solved a case." "David, you're hurt." "Later, when the numbness wears off, I'll be hurt." "This isn't fair." "I said I didn't wanna have this conversation." "You know you just may be the most ungrateful unfeeling person on the face of the planet." " Because I told the truth?" " And if not it won't take you a lot of practice to get there!" "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." "Yeah, right!" "Inflicting pain comes naturally to you!" "You don't even have to think about it!" "Happy anniversary to you too!" " Good night!" " What's so good about it?" "Happy anniversary to you Happy anniversary to you" "Happy anniversary, Maddie Hayes, eat dirt and die" "Excuse me." "Is this Maddie Hayes' detective agency?" "Yeah." "Well, she seemed to think so." "Is she in?" "I thought I saw her getting on the elevator." "You saw her, all right." "Are you a friend of hers?" "No." "You a detective?" "Depends on who you talk to." "Well, I need to talk to a detective." " Well, Mrs...?" " Miss." "Miss." "Well these really aren't business hours." "But these are our eating, drinking and trolling hours." "Now, if you're hungry, thirsty or willing" "I have reason to believe that someone will be murdered tonight." " What?" " I just thought someone should know." "His name is Farley." "It's supposed to happen tonight." "In the elevator ninth floor, Biltmore Hotel." "I don't know what to do." "Call Farley and tell him to get off on the eighth floor." "This isn't a joke." "Okay." "So you're saying that some guy named Farley will be killed tonight." "That's what I've heard, yeah." "Somebody told you this?" "One of my clients, he talks in his sleep." "Talks in his sleep?" "What kind of business you in?" "Okay." "He's a regular." "I see him every Monday." "Buys the whole night." "He's always mumbling." "He must be under a lot of stress." "Anyway, usually I just turn over, don't pay any attention." "Grateful for the sleep." "But last night was different." "Scary." "Hell, it was about murder." "I thought maybe I should talk to somebody." "Didn't feel comfortable about going to the police." " So can you do something?" " What exactly are you hiring me to do?" " I didn't know I was hiring you." " That's how it works." " To protect this Farley" " I don't even know this Farley guy." "Why would I wanna pay you to protect some guy I don't even know?" "Look." "I heard something." "I wanted to tell somebody." "No big deal, okay?" " Okay." " Okay." " Morning." " Yup." "Every day at this time." "Good morning, Mr. Addison." "Good morning, Ms. Hayes." "Not morning people." "UNDERWORLD FIGURE, S. FARLEY, FOUND DEAD IN ELEVATOR" "Hello, Mr. Addison." "Goodbye, Mr. Addison." " What can I get you?" " I'm looking for a girl." "You and every other guy." "Do you want a drink?" "It's almost as good." "Look who's here." "I read the paper this morning." ""Dear Abby" said something interesting." "She said that when two people meet, they should introduce themselves." "I guess I kind of forgot to do that last night." "I'm David Addison." "Out of my way." "I'm working." "I also read about Farley in this morning's paper." " You sure read a lot." " You were right." "Coming to the party a little late, aren't you?" "You didn't do anything." "I told you so you could get there before anything happened but you didn't do anything." "Would you do me a favor and not stand so close?" "You're confusing the customers." "How did you find me?" "I've been to every bar and every hotel in Beverly Hills." "Look." "About last night." "Listen, I need to talk to you." "Well, these are not exactly my talking hours." "Actually, what these are, are my being wined and dined and treated just fine hours." "Good." "Listen, can you hear me all the way over here with my foot in my mouth?" "All I can hear is the sound of money talking." "All right." "Well..." "How about if I pay you to take yourself off the market for a while?" "Room 1411." "Give me five minutes." "I'm gonna need a receipt." "Culligan Man." " Toby." " Toby." "Oh, don't." "Don't do that." "Okay." "Give me a hint." "You're gonna love this." "I'm not even gonna mess your hair up." " Tell me about the guy." " The guy?" "The guy." "The guy who told you Farley was gonna die." "Who was he?" "What do you mean, who was he?" "He's a guy." " Yeah, yeah." "What was his name?" " His name?" "I don't know his name." "You said he was a regular, every Monday." "He is." "Regular." "Every Monday night." "Sometimes twice a week." "Sometimes three times." "We meet in the bar." "We come up here." "But I don't know his name." "It's not like he pays by check." "I mean, why would I need to know his name?" "Which reminds me..." "You're clear?" "Buttoned, unbuttoned, up, down, we're on the clock." "Yeah." "I'm clear." "What was his name?" "You're clear but you're stupid." "You mean you never got up in the night..." " ...and went through his wallet?" " What do you care?" "I'm no different than you." "I smell a fee." "A man dies." "I'm a detective." " Trust me, this guy didn't kill him." " How do you know?" "I just know." "He's a shlub." "He's connected but he's not connected." "I mean, I don't think he gives orders and I know he doesn't carry them out." "I think he just knows stuff, you know." " Does he talk a lot in his sleep?" " Excuse me?" "This is for now." " What's he pay you for an all-nighter?" " A thousand dollars." "Here's 500." " What for?" " For staying awake." " I don't get it." " Next time, keep your ears open." " That's it?" " That's it." "Five hundred dollars for being a good listener and for calling me the next morning." "Hey." "Party's over?" "Party's over." "TWO DAYS LATER" "Blue Moon Investigations." "Thanks for calling the agency that offers a double-your-crime-back guarantee." "Amnesia cases are our special today." "Finding the real you is our forte." "We'll locate your name, find where you reside and throw in a gala welcome-home party besides." "Yes?" "What?" "Who?" "Uh-oh, Ms. Hayes." "Mr. Addison isn't in yet." "That is not uh-oh news, Ms. DiPesto." "This is." " The police want to talk to him." " What do they want?" "They didn't say." "See?" "Maybe I better take the call." "Hello, this is Maddie Hayes, David Addison's associate." "May I be of some help?" "He what?" "Oh, yes." "I'll tell him." "Goodbye." " Mr. Addison in trouble?" " No." "Just tell me when he comes in." "Okay." " Just got in." " Just got in?" "Morning." "Could I see you for a moment?" "I had some things to do this morning." " I guess you did." " I know I did." "So I'm beginning to realize." " Okay." " The police called." " What about?" " They wanted to congratulate you..." " ...on cracking their case." " Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "Forgive me, but I'm feeling a little stupid." " You look a little peaked." " I'd like some answers." "Delaware." "All of the above." " Ninety degrees." " What?" "The sum of the angles in an isosceles triangle." " Now you ask some questions." " David, about this case." "Too late." "I already cracked it." " Would you like to tell me what it is?" " No." "David, David." "As your employer, I think I'm entitled to an explanation." "Maddie, Maddie." "It's no big deal." "I saw a wrong, I tried to right it." " I saw an injustice, I tried to balance" " See manure and spread it." "Do I detect a bit of skepticism here?" "You cracked a case for the police?" " Sorry." " What kind of case?" "What difference what kind of case?" "It was an inconsequential case." "It would have to be for me to solve it, right?" "I don't want to discuss this in front of people." "You're embarrassing me." " Any messages, Ms. DiPesto?" " Just the mayor's office." "They thanked you for cracking the case and said if you need work, there's a spot in the DA's office for you." "Excuse me." " Maddie" " Very amusing." "Very funny, David." "You put someone up to say they were the police." "You put someone up to say they're the mayor." "Well, I get the message." "You resent our conversation the other night and feel you deserve a bigger raise." "I didn't put anybody up." "I solved the case." " You did?" " I did." "Why is that so hard to believe?" "Who says it's hard to believe?" "Who's the client?" " Client?" " The client." "I don't know." "Mankind's the client." " Mankind?" " Mankind." " Did you get an address?" " You really have a problem." " With what?" " With the fact that I solved a case." " I have no problem with it." " I think you do." " Well, I don't." " I think you do." " Well, you're wrong." " Oh, you do?" "Yes, I do." "One of the things I was planning to do this morning was to speak to you about the other night." "And it did occur to me that I just might have misjudged you." "You?" "Misjudged me?" "Is that possible?" "Oh, I suppose so." "And perhaps what I ought to do is rethink your raise." " No kidding." " No kidding." "Well, for what it's worth, I don't want a raise." " What?" " Yeah." "Just pay me commissions." " I'll make more money that way." " You think so?" "Yes, I think so." "Let me remind you, Mr. Addison, that one case doesn't a detective make." "Well, let me remind you, Ms. Hayes, I hate it when you talk backwards." " Fine." " Fine." " Good." " Good." "What do you say we send a bottle over to the young lady in the summer dress." " Yes, sir." " Okay." "What's with you?" "What are you, stupid?" "I'm working." "I know." "I got a business proposition for you." "I've already gotten a proposition this evening." "Wait a second, wait a second." "Here." "This is for you." "Go ahead, open it." "I don't know." "I saw it and I thought of you." "I figured it might come in handy." "You can probably even jam a nightie in there." "This is nice." "Why did you do this?" " Are you gonna ask me something?" " No, not now." "You gotta go back." "He'll be okay another minute or two." "I told him you're my brother." "Oh, by the way, he's my Monday night." "That's old motor mouth, huh?" " Doesn't look the type." " Trust me, no one ever looks the type." " So, what did you wanna ask me?" " No big thing." "I wanted to see if you're free once a week to do our morning-after trick." " What?" " Same routine." "Five hundred dollars, we get lucky, there'll be a little extra." " What are you talking about?" " Profit sharing." "You share the information, I share the profits." "Just keep telling me what he says." "Tell you so you can tell the police." "I can't." "But you've done it." "I'm asking you to do it again." "Do you know who this man is?" "If he ever found out, he wouldn't think twice about having us both killed." "He doesn't know he talks in his sleep." "He doesn't know anybody's listening." " I'm not interested." " What we're doing is a good thing." "This guy is a walking caseload of crimes." " And we are in a position to stop him." " Look, don't misunderstand." "It's not like I care about him." "I don't wanna see him go to prison." "Are you kidding?" "Me neither." "That's the last thing I want." "That'd be like killing off the goose that's laying the golden eggs." "Honey, I want this guy alive and well." "Sleeping and talking." "Think about it, okay?" "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning." "Okay, sis?" "THREE WEEKS LATER" "Blue Moon." "Please hold." "Blue Moon." "Please hold." "Blue Moon." "Please hold." "Sorry, he's not in." "Sorry, he's not in." "Sorry, he's not in." "Yes, Ms. Hayes?" "Yes, Ms. Hayes?" "Yes, Ms. Hayes?" "When do we expect him?" "When do we expect him?" "When do we expect him?" "No, I have no idea." "No, I have no idea." "No, I have no idea." "You want to leave him a message?" " No, that won't be necessary." " Mr. Addison?" "This is the seventh crime you've solved in as many days." "How do you account for that?" " No comment." " Will you run for office?" " No comment!" " David, you think we can talk?" "No comment!" " Maddie!" " Mr. Addison?" " I've got a list of campaign..." " I got a couple of matters here that..." "Maddie!" " You wanna talk?" " Now?" "Gee, I get the feeling you're busy." " Really?" "Tomorrow?" "Lunch?" " Tomorrow, lunch!" " Isn't success wonderful?" "Whoa." " One minute, one minute of your time!" "Yes?" " Ms. Hayes?" " Ms. DiPesto?" "Ms. Hayes..." "No, nothing's wrong." "Excuse me?" "You've got your let's-have-a- meaningful-conversation face on." "I know what that means." "You're wondering if something's bothering me." "Well, nothing is bothering me." "So take your meaningful-conversation face off." "What could be bothering me?" "The business is a huge success." "Our financial worries seem to be behind us." "The last couple of days, I've even had some free time." "What could be bothering me?" "I guess nothing could be bothering you." " What about Mr. Addison?" " What about Mr. Addison?" "No, I mean, I haven't seen much of him lately." "He's been working by himself, I've been working by myself." "How's he adjusting to all this success?" "He seems to be getting along just fine." "Oh, he is?" " Well, good for him!" " Good for him?" " Good for us." " Good for us?" "Agnes, you're too oversensitive." "What could I be bothered about?" "What could anyone have to be bothered about?" "I don't know what I could have been thinking about." " I have to see him, my source..." " He's gotta sign these..." "Hey, wait a second!" " Mr. Addison, I have to see you" " Whoa!" "Sorry, Mr. Addison." "Look, all I'm trying to say is, if you haven't found the guy by now" "Okay, look, we'll give it a crack." "What's this guy's name?" "D.B. Cooper." "Got it." "We make any progress, I'll give you a call." "Give." "Talk to me." "He was there!" "You did catch him?" "Just like I said?" "Why do I sound so surprised?" "Why do you?" "Stopping crimes before they occur is what I do." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "No, no, no, you don't have to thank me, chief." "Just make sure the reward money gets over here." "Any luck on that parking ticket?" "Well, see what you can do." "Give." "Hello?" "This is David Addison." "What?" "A television show?" "About me?" "I don't know, I think people have had it with detective shows." "I would love to do a good Western." "Well, that's why they're in third place." "Go." "Can you talk to Mr. Bloom?" "Tell him I'll call when I know more." "Tell him to call me when he knows more." " Tell Bloom to call my attorney." " He is your attorney." "Well, introduce him to himself, and let them fight it out." "But I don't wanna be billed double!" " Yes, Ms. DiPesto?" " Yes, Mr. Addison?" "You want to talk?" "No, Mr. Addison." "It can wait." "Oh." "You sure?" "Really." "It's nothing." " I was just talking to Ms. Hayes" " Ms. Hayes!" "Could you give us a minute here?" "So, what did she say?" " Who?" " Ms. Hayes." " About what?" " About anything." " Anything?" " Anything." "All right, did she happen to mention anything about..." " ...me?" " You?" "Me." "I haven't seen her much lately." "I've been working by myself, she's been working by herself." "I mean does she say anything when I solve another case?" "You didn't solve one while I was in there." "Really?" " But she's happy, right?" " She says she is." "How about you, Mr. Addison?" " You seem a little down." " Me?" "Down?" "No, I'm not down." "A little exhausted a little lonely, maybe." "Cracking cases, collaring criminals, collecting commission, it's hard." "But I'm not down." "I mean, as long as she's happy." "Well..." "You want everybody to come back?" "No, not just yet, Ms. DiPesto." "I think I'll just rest here for a minute." "Hands on the car!" "All right, spread them!" "Come on." "I don't know how you do it." "Let's get these guys downtown and grab a late lunch." "Lunch?" " Maddie here?" " No, she's with you." "She's not here?" "Hi, this is Maddie." "I'm not in right now." "But if you leave your name and number I'll be happy to call you back." "Thank you and goodbye." " Hi." " Hi." "Sorry I'm late." "It's just one of those days." "Hey, nice ice." "Very beautiful." "Somebody gave you that?" "I gave me that." "I've been making a..." "We've been making a lot of extra money." " Good for you." " And you?" "And me what?" "And are you enjoying the fruits of our success?" "It's okay." "I mean, it's no big deal." "I just always thought when this part of my life started working the rest of my life would fall into place." "This part of my life sure is working, the rest of my life is falling apart." "Hey, hey, hey, don't get me wrong." "I'm not quitting." "I know we're on the gravy train." "I'm not about to jump off." "Come on, come here." "No more tears, okay?" "Don't cry." "Let's get down to business." "What did Sleeping Beauty say?" "There's going to be another murder." "These guys ever take a vacation?" "Who's it gonna be this time?" "You." " You who?" " "You" you." ""Me" me?" "Dear Maddie:" "I'm sorry to do this by letter." "But there is no time for goodbyes." "Hey." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to scare you." "It's okay." "It's only the left ventricle." "The other three chambers are pumping like crazy." " So?" " So?" " What are you doing here?" " What are you doing here?" "About lunch yesterday" "Hey, you're a busy man, I understand." "You weren't in the office all day." " Maddie." " Don't look at me." "This is hard enough to say without you looking at me while I say it." "I respect you so much, David Addison." "Maddie." " You are a great detective." " No, I'm not, Maddie" "Yes, you are." "Yes, you are." "You have a gift, David, some kind of a gift." "I think how all this time I had myself believing that I was carrying you." "And all that time you were holding back to give me room to grow, to learn, to catch up with you." "When I think about you asking me for a raise and me saying no." " Maddie?" " David, I've been in that office the past couple of hours, just sitting, thinking figuring out the future." "What are you talking about?" "Well, I think you have to be blind not to see that we've outgrown each other." "You shouldn't be working for somebody." "Certainly not for me." "You've never been more wrong about anyone or anything in your entire life." "You know, I was in an elevator yesterday." "There were two guys talking about you." "They read about you." "One of the guys said maybe you knew so much about organized crime because you were tied into organized crime." "It was all I could do not to hit the guy." "I wanted to tell them about the day I stormed in here three weeks ago." "And you'd just broken this big case." "And I asked you who the client was." "And you said, "The client was mankind."" "And I got mad." "And you were serious." "David, you have a great gift." "And you're a good man, besides." "And I'm glad we got to work together." " David?" " There's something I have to do." "There's a worm I was gonna run from." "He needs to be stepped on." "And I'm just the lizard to do it." " David?" " Later." ""Maddie, I'm sorry to do this by letter, but there is no time for goodbyes. "" " Look" " I'm sorry, but this seat is reserved." "I know who you are." "And I know that you know who I am." "I know that knowing who I am, you won't sit here very long and listen to what I have to say." "Like it or not, I'm gonna say it, you know?" "Do I know you?" "Really, this table is reserved." "I mean, there are plenty of seats over there, if you..." "You don't know who I am?" "No." "Look, I'm sorry, but my date's gonna be here any second and" "Oh, my God!" " Toby." " Toby." " Jerry?" " Toby." "You two know each other?" "Well?" "Wait a second, I know who you are." "You're her brother!" "Sit down." "Please, Toby, come on, sit." "Sit down, sit down." "Toby." "Please, sit down." "The other night when he came in looking for you." "It's a pleasure." "When you sat down at the table, and the whole speech:" ""I know you, you know me." It took me a second but I really do know you." "And I know why you're upset." "Listen, if I had a sister who I mean, was running with..." "Let me tell you something that you don't know." "We're really very good for each other." "I'm getting her to rethink her career." "And, well, she doesn't know it yet but she's been getting me to rethink mine." " It's awful nice to meet you...?" " David." " David!" " Addison, that letter you wrote demands an explanation." " Uh-oh." " What-?" " Who?" " Hello." "Addison?" "David Addison?" "Your brother is David Addison?" "Brother?" "Is this your sister?" "Nice to meet you." "We gotta run." "I promised the sitter we'd be early." "That man is David Addison?" "I'm gonna kill you!" " No!" " You are ruining my life!" "You're not adding a lot to the quality of mine." " Off of him!" "Off of him!" " Off of him?" "I'm gonna kill him!" "I don't how he does what he does, but he won't do it anymore!" "Get off of him!" "Break it up, break it up!" " Jerry, it's not him, it's me!" " You?" "What are you talking about, you?" "This is David Addison!" "He's been getting into everything the people I work for have tried to do." "But it's not his fault!" "In fact, the truth is, it's your fault." "My fault?" "My fault?" "How in the hell could it be my fault?" "What are you saying, I'm a yutz on purpose?" "I'm saying you talk in your sleep." " What?" " When we sleep together, you talk about whatever is on your mind, whatever is about to happen." "I what?" "You told me and I told him and he..." "Pretended he figured it out all by himself." "I talk in my sleep and you listen?" "I said things in my sleep and you told him?" "You talked about people getting hurt." "Dying." "Wait a minute." "I'm all right, I'm all right." "Wait a second." "What is this world coming to?" "I mean, a bed, it's like a confessional." "What happens in that bed, what is said in that bed" "I mean you're like a priest." "Everybody knows that!" "I'm sorry, Jerry." "You're sorry?" "You're sorry!" "Hey!" "Just my luck." "They're all wearing underwear." "Sounds like the cavalry!" "Well, well, you did it again." "I suppose you're gonna get credit for all this." "I suppose so." " You mad?" " Mad?" "Mad." "I mean, I guess you got a right to be a little mad." " I'm not mad." " Good." "I'm livid."