"I don't have a brain tumor." "I couldn't think of a reason to break up with you." "That's just the brain tumor talking." "Used to be, I could fix a fuel pump using the power of laughter." "What are you gonna use, like, a wrench or something?" "One of these days, I'm gonna get a real job in a real hospital with real adult patients." " Tiny breast implant." " Tiny breast implant." "Wow, they're getting tinier and tinier." "Freeze." "Attention, staff:" "Thanks to all of you for not remembering my birthday." "Listen up, people." "Damn it." "First up on the docket, the answer to yesterday's trivia question is..." "The answer..." "The answer is..." " Pubis." " Yes." " I knew it." "Dumb." " Did not know that." "Ahem." "All right, next up, it saddens me to have to announce that Dr. Lola Spratt has a brain tumor." "What?" "You told everyone I have a brain tumor?" "You need your friends right now." "I told you that as a lie so that I could break up with you." "Okay, listen, everybody." "I don't have a brain tumor." " That's right, you don't have a brain tumor." " That's what I said." " You don't have a brain tumor." " I know." "Keep saying that." "Everyone." "You don't have a brain tumor." " I don't..." " You don't have a brain tumor." "You don't have a brain tumor." " That's your mantra." " You don't have a brain tumor." "You don't have a brain tumor." " All right, people." "Next." " Wait." "I wanna go over how sick and tired I am of rude waiters." "You're sitting there for 15 minutes, and the guy comes over and he's like:" ""Can I take your order?"" " Is that annoying, or am I crazy?" " I had the exact same experience." " Happens all the time." " You're not crazy." "Hey." "You have a brain tumor?" "Why didn't you tell me that?" "I did tell you, okay?" "It was a lie that I told Owen to break up with him." " Remember?" " No." "God, your tumor must be affecting my memory." " Oh, please, let's not." " Hey, where have you been staying?" " I miss my roommate." " What, are we girlfriends now?" "You wanna get matching cargo shorts and tool belts?" " I just..." "I want my best friend back." " Oh, really?" "It sounds like you wanna scissor me in the back of a Girls Gone Wild trailer." "Hey." "Stop." "We were drunk." "Let's just..." "Let's just pretend it didn't happen." "God, this cold is kicking my ass." "Oh, God, I'm sorry." "Does it feel even worse because of your brain tumor?" "Looks like you're leading the league in malpractice, huh, Richie?" "You wanna explain why you would try and give an 11-month-old girl breast implants?" "I thought she was 11 years old." "Says here you gave a 10-year-old boy liposuction." " He looked fat on the CAT scan." " You sewed two identical twins together?" " I was in Siam, guy." " You threw a newborn in the trash." "I'm a neat freak." "Look, I am a good doctor with great malpractice insurance." " Get off my case." " Your case is grass." "All right." "My girlfriend and I broke up." "I was distracted." "You know what it's like to lose a partner, right?" "Lose a partner." "Lose a partner." "Lose a partner." "Rough day, eh, partner?" " This date will live in infamy." " Yeah." "September 12th, 2001." "It's, uh..." "It's the 11th." " Uh, I don't think so." " Yeah, it's definitely the 11th." "Nope." "It's the 12th." "See?" "Okay, well, that must be wrong, because it's definitely the 11th." "It's been all over the news and everything." "My grandfather's watch has never been wrong." "I'm sorry, it's wrong today." "Man, why you being such a dick about this?" "Oh, I'm being a dick?" "You're gonna feel like a real jerk when we finally get to a calendar." "You know what?" "It just so happens I have a third-party calendar app on my Motorola." " Let's do this right now." " Fine." "I'm right here." "I hope we invade Iraq." "No." "No!" "I quit." "Hey, there he is." "Where did we go?" "I told you, you piece of shit." "I hope we invade Iraq."