"I spent 19 years in Germany." "I went there at the age of 26." "And came back the age I look now." "What am I to do here?" "I'm 46 years old." "What am I to do?" " What will you do?" "What am I to do?" "I'm capable, but my time is past." "Did Germany become a home to you?" "Yes." "We spent 16 or 17 years there, you know?" "It was almost like home." "We ourselves don't know who we are." "We were born Turks..." " And became Germans." "Problems are starting again." " The future is past." "Our future has gone..." "And the children's future too..." "MELEK LEAVES" "I'm fed up." "Just fed up." "But I will whistle a loud and joyful tune just as soon... as I am back in Turkey." "You whistle a great deal here in Germany too." "But there's a difference between whistling here and there." "What's the difference?" "Here you whistle sadly there you whistle happily." "Whistle something to me." " Even the tunes here are different." "What do you whistle here?" "Here?" "Let me think..." "I could whistle" ""Getting off work" by Peter Alexander." "Go ahead." " Oh, no!" "I couldn't..." "So." "That's it." "Did you like it?" " Yes." "Did you think you were coming to Germany for a short stay?" "What do you mean, "short"?" "You call 14 years a short time?" "No, did you think that you were coming for a short time?" "I didn't think anything." "We, I mean other women and I were very curious about the life that awaited us here." "The working conditions, everything in general..." "life here." "At the time we didn't think about how long we'd stay." "How did you imagine life would be?" "Did you not wonder when you'd return or see your daughters?" "I knew." "Once a year on holiday." "And I went to Turkey on holiday once a year." "You must have missed your two daughters." "From the first day of returning from holiday." "I would start to miss them." "Anyhow, I started to regret having come here." "Maybe my eyes had been closed at the beginning... but they have slowly been opened by experience... and now I see quite plainly that in truth there is really no place for me here." "Can you understand that the Germans are afraid?" "Of what?" " You think there are too many Turks?" "What are you afraid of?" " Wait." "Tell us." "There are too many." " What do you mean, too many?" "We're in the minority now." " Minority?" "There are 65 million Germans." "And three million foreigners." "E were invited to come, were brought by you." "Didn't you bring us here?" " By no means." "You said there's too many Turks." "What harm have the Turks done in Mannheim?" "What harm then?" "We've done none at all." "The Turks are new-comers here." "New-comers?" "Since 1963." "I came in 1965." "I've done no one any harm," "I've bothered no one." " And who said you had?" "It's your country, not ours." "But you enjoy it." "No, I just work here." "I don't enjoy it." " You should, no one would object." "But we Germans should be allowed to live too." "Am I stopping you living just by being here?" " I don't say it for my sake." "But this is our homeland." "Hello." " Hello." "A number, please." "Thank you." "Hello, Foreign Residents Department." "Subsidies for repatriation?" "9 to 3, every day but Wednesday." "Push open the door." "Yes, push it open." "Come up here to my office." "Yes, here on the first floor." "The other door, please." "Do you want to go back?" "I want some general information." "I beg your pardon." " About going back I mean." "Going back where?" " To my own country." "To where?" "To Turkey?" " Yes, to Turkey." "And how many are to go back?" " One." "Only you?" " Yes." "Do you get child benefits?" " I have no children here." "And other benefits?" " No, none at all." "I mean to say, what other sources of income do you have?" "None." "I've got nothing but my debts." "There is an income threshold." "And if your income does not exceed... the income threshold we have set." "What is your limit?" " 930 marks." "You will need to bring us your residence permit," "No, this is a different document altogether." "But you can send it to us." "Give me your passport please." "And also your work permit." " Yes." "And I need proof of your divorce." "I don't have it here." "My husband was never here." "But you must have a document to prove that you are..." "Nobody asked for it before." "I don't get it." "And now, when I'm going back..." " But we require it." "I don't understand." "It's not your fault, you needn't..." "I've also been very patient with you..." "So you should be." "As I have been too." " You're not being very patient now." "Good, here's the divorce certificate." "Now your lease and rent receipts." "And your pay slip." "For how many months?" "Last month will do." " Okay." "Has your rent been increased?" " No." "Sometimes I paid in advance, and sometimes I was a month in arrears, and then I..." "And how much is your rent?" "It's written at the bottom." " This is an old contract." "It was signed on the 1st of September, 1981." "The rent will have increased since then." "Listen!" "It's noted on the last page." "I'm not a computer." "There are so many papers, it's very confusing." "These are probably the old ones." "I would like" "to return on the 24th of September." "That will be hard to accomplish." "At present we have so much to do." "You have to count on things taking around two months." "I was told that..." "If, however, you are prepared to authorise someone to sign for you..." "No, I don't want to do that." " Or you can give an account number." "I need the money for my return." "And that's what it's meant for." "I cannot authorise someone now, but I think that actually you should be able to do this." "Well, I'm not promising anything." "The paperwork takes... between six and eight weeks." "Until then you can either..." " I've got a..." "Listen, open an account..." " No." "You can..." "No, I can't." " Let me speak." "I'm just telling you my opinion." " Listen, let me speak, then you can tell me your opinion." "Listen, you can open an account here with a Turkish bank." "Inform us of the account number, and authorise someone here." "This is not a complicated process." "You can tell us the account number and then travel to Turkey." "Have your passport annulled on the border," "Then send the passport to someone here." "Your annulled passport." "They can show us the annulled passport, and we can transfer the repatriation money onto your account." "And you'll have access to the money in Turkey." "I need it here, not there." "That's great." "In my country it's a tradition to read coffee grounds." "This is your personal life." "And this is external influence." "At the moment it's all mixed up." "You can see here... that I've almost finished packing." "This means that I shall soon be leaving." "Then I will receive a letter." "A letter." "And then there are some problems, you can see this there." "Oh, that's impossible," "It seems" "I'm going to get a lot of money." "That may be the repatriation money." "2,350 marks and 99 pfennigs." "No, that's not right." "This may be my last coffee in Germany." "I have not found any of the things that I expected to find here." "I expected a happy life." "I thought Germany was very modern." "And, well, you know... absolutely different from Turkey." "Completely the opposite, very modern, very cheerful." "But it wasn't." "There's not much sun here." "All the flats I lived in had outside toilets." "It's not like that in Turkey, or only in the villages." "Here in Berlin, a big city," "I've always had to live in backyard flats." "And in appalling conditions." "I hadn't expected such living conditions." "I thought it'd be much nicer." "That's to say, the people." "People don't understand each other here." "As there a specific reason for your leaving Turkey?" "Yes, I'd had a lot of personal disappointments." "And this made me unhappy." "And so I wanted to get way from my recent past." "And to get away from my... my recent troubles." "I wanted to get away from my cares." "And as I was on the Bosporus, which I like very much, large foreign ships would sail past." "And I just wanted to leave with one of those fish, I mean ships." "And so I went to the Turkish Job Centre." "Then someone told me about the Siemens office on Taksim square." "I went there and said I wanted to work abroad." "And they said, yes, fine, and checked everything over." "They asked me if I would prefer Berlin or Australia." "I didn't really know." "And I asked them to show me on a map." "They showed me Australia on a map and Berlin, which is closer to Turkey." "So I decided on Turkey, I mean, on Berlin." "Then I had to go for a medical." "It was done by German doctors." "There were so many people at the job centre, all the women formed queues, there were ten women in a room, they undressed and had blood taken, their urine checked." "You know how they examine cattle?" " No." "Yes, the beef cattle that are brought from Holland and so on." "Everyone queued, men on one side, women on another, they gave blood and urine." "Were x-rayed, had their teeth inspected, the lot." "I hope and expect the same treatment before I go." "So they can compare results." "They do this, don't they?" "Don't they?" "No?" "Why not?" "I came to Siemens in 1970 with a one-year-contract." "I was about 24 years old." "And of course I had no knowledge of the German language then." "I started to work at Siemens..." "The change in climate was bad for my health." "And I became ill." "I had appendicitis and had to go to hospital for an operation, and so on." "At the time I lived in a woman's hostel in Berlin." "When I got out of the hospital and went to the factory, they called me in and told me they couldn't employ me because I was ill too often, and therefore of no use to them, and so I would have to go back to Turkey." "I asked them why, said I'd been ill, that it wasn't my fault." "That I didn't make myself ill." "And they said there was another alternative." "If I returned them the 200 marks for the aeroplane ticket, then I could stay here in Berlin." "Well, I wanted to stay here and earn money... and I hadn't expected any of this to happen." "And so I accepted the offer of repaying the money and staying here." "Of course, I had to leave Siemens' women's hostel." "They made me leave." "I didn't know where to go, where I could sleep, and so on." "I asked some of my own people, but they also had bad conditions." "And at the time I couldn't speak much German." "And I had to sneak into the attic of a house that was on Spandauer Damm street, and late at night I crept in to the attic where they hung laundry and spent three nights there." "I wanted to show you... the woman's..." "Stop!" "And again!" "Since we're here, I wanted to show you the women's hostel where I lived whilst working for Siemens." "Would you like to see it?" "This is it." "Of course, there are other people inside it now." "There used to be a petrol station here." "The entrance is round the back." "Come on." "Where are all the women, then?" "The bathroom is still the same." "I lived here." " Go in." "Hello..." " Hello." "You wanted..." " Sorry?" "This used to be a Siemens hostel." "That was a long time ago, in 1971." "I've only been here for three years." "So..." " Stop that please." "What do you want?" "Didn't your boss..." " No... what do you want?" " To film a bit." "No, it's forbidden." " Why?" "The boss has to agree." " But your boss already did." "He said nothing about it." " He will, then." "There were two beds here." "My bed was here, with a wardrobe next to it." "And there was a table here." "Did you sleep on the top bunk?" " It wasn't that bad." "You didn't have bunk beds?" " No." "Here did you sleep?" " I slept here." "My bed was here, with a little shelf here," "we weren't allowed to keep any animals, of course..." "But there were enough animals outside." "As the room bare or full?" "Well, if in a bare room you put a bed, a pillow, a second bed, a third bed, a wardrobe, a table, four chairs, then it's fairly cramped, you see?" "There was no room to walk about in this little room then." "It was quite full." "You could even say it was too full." "Is there anything that sticks out in your memory?" "It was always very noisy." "So many people, and women at that, who are noisy anyway..." "But as long as I was here" "I felt pretty much that I was at home here." "Because the people here were my own people." "But you were unhappy here?" " Yes, I was not happy." "Somehow I was, not happy, no, I wasn't." "But since so many Turkish women were living here with me, you could say that I forgot my sorrow to an extent." "Melek, seven, one." "How long were you here for?" "I was in this dump for three days I think, yes, for three days." "And then?" "Then I moved into the cellar." "They rented it out as a flat or as a storage room." "Then I had a rental contract." "I don't know," "But anyway I lived in that cellar then." "Melek, ten, one" "Do you have the keys?" " Yes, I've got them." "I've opened up already." " Kind of you." "It's normally locked." " Yes." "Mind the step!" "There's a second one here, too." "This way, please." "Here are the keys..." " Thanks, thanks very much." "Thank you, Frau Krause." "My daughter had a bit, she had a lot of difficulties here." "I think Gülçin came here in 1978." "To spend more time with me." "And to go to school here, so as to learn a new language." "Not only Gülçin, but all foreign children have problems adapting from Turkey to Germany." "The way that German children behave and so forth... is very different from our ways." "And I, for one, didn't like it at all." "In Turkey we have different family values." "The children honour their parents, and are honoured by them." "To me, children are like little parrots." "They learn from each other and imitate one another." "Gülçin soon adapted to Germany." "She adopted these values I would say." "But, thank God, we soon noticed this and could save the girl." "Yes, we saved the child." "At the time I was living at Schlossstrasse 37, and it was difficult to find enough time for my daughter because of my work." "I was neglecting my child." "And so I came to think it would be better to send my child back to Turkey." "So I sent her back." "Then I had all my belongings sent back to Turkey too." "What's going on?" "Lord Almighty, what's all this." "Please check the family names." "Quiet!" "To put it politely, this is a real outrage!" "Can those who are not in the queue please step aside." "Air Berlin 575 to Ankara is departing from gate seven." "The big guy is calling you." "We're getting nowhere!" "I don't know who's standing there." " Go ahead and film us!" "Mercy on those who can't escape." " Yes!" "Go ahead and film us." "What do you think you are doing?" "Make sure this is in tomorrow's news." "Home is home." "Home is beautiful." "Don't you like Germany?" "Turkey is much better." "My home is my home." " Why are you all leaving?" "Been here too long..." "Had it up to here..." "Would you like to come back one day?" " No." "I would." "I wouldn't." "Are you leaving Germany for good?" " Yes, thank God." "Home is home." "Hen did you come?" " 14 years ago." "Sorry?" " 14 years ago." "Some people are good, but some give you dirty looks." "If you're a foreigner without work, and go to a company, and tell them you want a job." "They say, no, you're foreign." "In the past they'd say, great, come along." "They shoo you away." "We made Germany a rich country." "And now they look down on us." "TURKS GO HOME" "KILL THE TURKS" "FOREIGNERS WELCOME" "Then I went to the job centre and signed on." "After having been out of work for a year." "I came across a job advertisement in a Berlin newspaper." "It gave the address of a McDonald's branch that was looking for staff, housewives, etcetera, for part-time jobs." "So I went over there, there were masses of people." "Maybe 100." "All in one room." "What chaos it was." "There was another room within the room with a sliding door." "That was where the real managers all were." "There they would write everything down and do their paper work." "And after waiting two, three, maybe four hours, you were allowed to cross this barrier," "I was so surprised that my turn came at all." "So I had to accept the job." "But, honestly, what conditions they had there." "You were expected to work non stop with only 15 or 30 minutes' break a day." "And during your break you had to eat those shitty hamburgers." "Everything was deep frozen." "The French fries, everything..." "'Journal Film." "Thank you for your letter of 2/8/84 and the synopsis of the film" ""Melek Leaves"." "E regret to inform you that we must refuse your request for permission to film since the general theme of your project is not compatible with the philosophy of our enterprise." "E hope that you understand our position." "Yours faithfully, McDonald's System of Germany.'" "Melek, eleven, two." "LOOK AT THIS CITY!" "Never seen anyone working before?" "She's not very old but she has spent some of the best years of her life here." "And I imagine that some people might be sad to see her go or perhaps she will be sad." "I'm not sad at all." "Maybe you will be later." " I don't think so." "She's tried many things, she did it like this:" "She found niches in the market and then she, how should I describe it?" "She applied survival techniques." "She's the kind of person that will survive and flourish wherever she is." "There are probably many Turks who are like this." "Because they are traders by nature." "Whilst we no longer possess these instincts." "Our civilisation has eradicated them." "I believe that if you left Melek in the desert, she would be able to sell the Bedouins anything at all." "Not so as to take advantage of them, but so as to survive." "People think there's something shady about selling stuff." "But the survival instinct is deeply rooted inside everybody." "And she could sell a fridge in the desert..." "I mean, sell... a fridge to an Eskimo." "Or, let's say, sell a sun-lamp, a tanning lamp, in the Sahara." "She could do that, she could." "Because she's strong-willed." "I've known her for several years." "I know that she's always been in the right place..." "She's a woman who could have borne and raised twelve children." "That's my opinion." "No other country is as generous, with regard to foreigners as Germany is." "There may be exceptions, I don't know many Turks, but in general I think we're very generous." "What else am I to say?" "That's the way I see things, but everyone has their opinion." "Don't you agree?" "Mr alter Lens to room 112, please." "Mr Lens, please." "Melek Hikmet Tez to room 114, please." "To room 114." "Hello." " Hello." "Mrs Tez, take a seat." "You sent me..." "I need your passport and ID card." "Your tax card... your residence permit" "and your work permit." "Good." "That's ready too." "Can I stay here?" "Come here!" "Don't be afraid." "Cushions?" "No?" "That's a pity." "Turkish cushions." "Turkish cushions." "Cushions from Turkey." "What is the real reason for your leaving?" "The real reason is the hostility to foreigners." "Racism is the real problem." "There's been so much talk about foreigners." "It's been going on for years now." "It's really worn my nerves down." "I can't describe it." "Why are people like that?" "Instead of attempting to integrate the foreigners a bit more with the Germans." "Or letting them live in peace with each other." "The speeches politicians make divide these peoples." "Instead of integrating them." "And the politicians who have come to power make promises." ""Blah blah blah." But in the end, nothing is done." "I think we are bait for the politicians." "Is that the only reason for leaving?" "Yes, it wears my nerves, I've had it." "I've my health to look after." "That's the only way I can explain this." "What's so terrible?" "What's so terrible?" "What's made you cry?" "They just fetch people here... when economic conditions demand this." "But they only want to humiliate and destroy people." "I don't care, I'm not staying here." "They use us, use us like old furniture." "And when we're worn out and of no use anymore... they throw us away." "They say that foreign children shouldn't come here." "They should have thought about it before." "What kind of country and people is this?" "They bought the people without considering what they are made of." "What they are like." "And having bought them, they then decide that they are dissatisfied." "They want to return us." "And they want to make a profit whilst they give us back." "I find it really dreadful." "There is a lack of feelings." "Of feelings..." "They know not what they are doing." "They fill out documents and file files." "Once they've started with a new one... the old one is long forgotten." "It's already gone out of fashion." "In every job-ad you see:" ""For Germans only." Why is it for Germans only?" "Once I rang for a job and I said:" ""Do I have a chance, a chance of getting the job if I come round?"" ""I can't buy a pig in a poke," they said." "That's no way to speak to people." "It's a bad joke, that's what it is." "I'm ready." "I've always planned doing this." "And I'm going to do it today." "I'm going to dress up as a typical Turkish woman." "I wanted to know how they feel, the Turkish women with the headscarves." "TURKS GO HOME" "TURKS GO HOME" "Why do you call yourself the "Caraway Turk"?" "I didn't call myself this, other people talk like this about foreigners." ""Caraway Turk" or "camel driver."" "I heard these expressions from my colleagues long ago." "And so, as a joke, whenever I was asked:" ""Who are you?" I'd reply: "Caraway Turk."" "I tried to protect myself like this." "You didn't want to get hurt?" "I made a joke of it." "Better laugh than cry." "I've got nothing to do with caraway seeds." "I don't even understand." "What do these words mean?" "I don't know." "I just make a joke of it." "And return the insults that I receive." "I want to carry on living." "Carry on living, seeing." "I feel that I've never even lived." "That's the way I feel." "You had no life during your time here?" " None." "Nor did I before it either." "I don't know myself." "I'm on the way to discovering myself." "It's important to me." "Otherwise I won't know who I am." "I wanted to ask you another question." "Do you feel German at all?" "Have you become in part German?" "In your manners." " I don't get your stupid question." "You've already asked me that." "And I thought at the time:" "What does she mean:" ""Become German"?" "How am I to have become German?" "Have you adapted a bit?" " Adapted to what?" "What, adapted?" "Back home I'd get up, eat my breakfast and go to work." "I'd come home and go to sleep." "A bed here, a bed there..." "There'd be paper work and so on." "It's the same everywhere." "It wasn't as if I ran around naked there and only discovered clothes here." "All I've learnt is the language." "And I've gathered a bit of experience." "That doesn't make me German." "Well, alright, you do change a bit here." "Not in terms of clothes or private life, but in terms of daily routine." "You're different when you're in Turkey." "I shall certainly change." "In what manner?" " Well, I don't know." "For example, the way people go to work." "Here everyone rushes to work." "They rush around." "Fast, fast, like crazy." "In Turkey the people take their time." "And have more time for each other." "Have you become so fast too?" "Yes, very fast, and my children and relatives, they cri... crit... criticise me." "There." "I spat it out at last." "For being German?" " Yes." "And if an adult is to rush about so... what did you just say?" "What was that?" "They criticise you for being German." "I haven't become German." "It's just some things that stick" "It's not the same as becoming German." "Want another?" " Not yet." "I do smoke, but it's too early." "It's not evening yet." " Yes it is." "Did you always intend to go back?" " No, I decided three years ago." "The return, it is..." " There are Germans that..." "Melek feels that she has spent the last 14 years in prison." "Now she's being released by returning home." "There's a good Turkish proverb, used also in German." "It means something like:" ""Out of the frying pan, into the fire."" "There's a certain..." "Avoiding the rain by getting hailed on." "Maybe the..." "Rain is..." "Hail is not hail to everyone." "But for some people, hail is rain." "They say we're not wanted in Turkey." "And that those who left should stay away." "Turkey's population increased between 1960 and now, 1984, by twenty million people." "That is to say, there are 20,000,000 more people living there, and so there are too few jobs, too little accommodation, not enough money, and life is expensive." "Then the "gentlefolk" return from Germany." "They left and now they've returned with their money." "Envy plays a certain role..." "And that by the by, they say, "You've been away so long." "Why is it that you now... feel the need to return to this country?"" ""If this was your land, and you were hungry here, why did you leave instead of sharing the burden with us?"" "It's like this." ""It wasn't good enough for you here, you left, now you're unwanted there... so you come back here, and you expect us to greet you with open arms!"" "This won't change from one day to the next." "But this idea that this is your homeland, that you'll be welcome is an illusion." " Well, I'll have to struggle." "It'll be easier than struggling here." "I will struggle there too." "I'm a Turkish citizen." "They have to accept me." " Turkey is our homeland." "Don't think I want to dirty my nest." "But we have our blindspots." "We imagine it to be a paradise, better than here and all the rest of it." "Why don't you write a book about Turkey?" "There are enough books on Turkey." "You seem well informed to me." " I of course admire your irony, but I am, indeed, very well informed." "Don't believe me..." "I live here, but my soul has been there for three years." "What am I to do?" "Stay here?" "No, not at all..." " It's not about that, it is about..." "I'll give you my address, you can visit me and you'll see." "You can compare Melek back then on the Berlin backyard with Melek there in Istanbul." "These are the offices of..." "Er..." "Gülçin, is that you?" "Yes, is that you?" " Are you well, little one?" "Fine thanks." "How are you?" " Fine." "I'm not feeling well." "Really?" " I couldn't go to class." "What's wrong?" "The sole of my foot." " Is it bad?" "Quite bad." " Then take care of yourself." "Take care..." " Yes, but..." "Guess what?" " What?" "I've booked my flight." "I arrive on September 28." "Yes?" " Yes." "That's great!" " You're happy?" "Of course." " Then Mama will be with you forever." "That'll be good." " Sorry?" "I said it'll be great." " How's your sister?" "Did she call?" " Yes." "I call her too sometimes." "Very good." "You must look after your foot now." "Yes." "It happened to me during training." "How is your work?" " Fine." "Yes?" " Yes." "Good." "Work hard!" " Yes." "And there was something else." "Oh, yes." "You want a judo costume, right?" " No, not judo, karate." "Karate!" "And what's the brand-name?" " Tokaido." "Tokaido." "Well, Gülçin..." "Please bring it." " Sorry?" "Please bring it." "I have to... my, my..." "I've run out of change..." "I have to go now." "Okay." " So, kisses to you, dear." "Bye..." "Smile for the birdie!" "Leave me alone." "Film us, we're going back." "You'll be glad to see us go." "Today's almost the last day." "I've waited at least 90 minutes, and I still can't get in." "Is it pension or repatriation help?" "Repatriation." " No help." "Repatriation." "No one's helping us." " There's no help at all." "We're reporting our departure." "And we're glad to be going." "That's it." "I hope it's in order." " Yes, I do too." "I need a proof they're leaving the country, their passports, and the plane tickets, so as to ascertain if, and where to, they are flying today." "With the aid of these things here, these things here listing everything..." "I compare to the people who are queuing here." "So as to guarantee that the people listed here, and for whom the money is being paid, genuinely are leaving Germany." "Because experience shows that some people well, actually, they quite simply go missing." "They collect the documents then vanish, never to be seen again." "They haven't left but they took the money." "And that's it!" "CANCELLED" "Next please!" "Let him by!" "So here's your ticket and passport." "You'll get the border-crossing form at the counter." "I'm so angry." "Such a crowd!" "They knew perfectly well that in order to get the pension benefits paid for us... we have to leave Germany by the last day of September." "And they know that today is the last day." "And everyone has to have those..." "border-crossing forms filled out here." "But they've only allocated two or three policemen to the job..." "So that so many people are kept waiting." "Our planes are supposed to be leaving one hour or 90 minutes from now." "I think it's scandalous." "They want to get rid of the foreigners, and yet they don't bother to have more employees and more desks." "I don't get it." "They should be ashamed of themselves." "It makes me... now I am..." "I am very nervous." "Good." "He is flying too, he's okay." "The next one is okay too." "Next!" "Melek, what do you think happiness is, what does it entail?" "Everything." "Money, first of all, nice people," "a peaceable world... peaceful world," "lots of greenery... plenty of sunshine..." "But people are never happy." "They don't always feel happy." "But I feel now, and I believe, too, that once I am back... in my homeland, then I'll be happy." "What will it be like, what will you do?" "What is it there that makes you happy?" "Well, first of all, I have a home." "A home in my homeland." "Your apartment?" "My home, my apartment... and my children... who have been waiting for me." "And also I have..." "I have a few plans that I want to carry out..." "I have two-and-a-half years' work before I get a pension," "Then I'll see what comes next." "I would very much like... to do voluntary social work." "I think that..." "I would like to help people... by giving them something, teaching them something, and receiving something too, being taught something myself." "And also I'd particularly like to get to know my own country." "All the tiny villages, if that is possible..." "I'd like to go on a trip every six months." "I don't mean packing a suitcase and travelling in a big way... but simply travelling, going to the villages, meeting people teaching girls how to sew, you know?" "Just doing something that I enjoy." "I'm a woman who wants to be free, who wants to work and be active." "I don't want to sit at home all day after work." "This makes you old." "And is boring, simply boring." "Maybe I'll open up a shop... my children could take over the business later." "I have time to think things over before I act." "Then I can decide for sure." "I flew to Istanbul with Melek." "I think, the more Melek felt hurt as a Turk in Berlin, the more she sought refuge in the Turkey of her imagination." "I had my doubts whether she'd really be happy there, but I kept them for myself." "What right did I have to question her dreams?" "I stayed there one week." "Too short and too early to establish whether she'd find what she'd hoped for." "She recently sent me a letter telling me that she was happy, that she still hadn't had the repatriation money, that she was sewing cushions for steady customers, and that her daughter Gülçin had found a good job." "As if to prove that her homeland had brought her happiness, she wrote she never thought of Berlin and that she couldn't believe she'd been here at all." "I can't sing, I have no voice." "I waited long years" "For my dream to turn true" "Now you are my sweet and fragile flower" "Your love is too strong for me to bear" "You are my sweet and fragile flower" "Your love is too strong for me to bear" "Something's wrong about it." "Try another song." "We need practice." "Practice is the thing."