"Mom, please." "Guys, what's wrong with your old bikes?" "They're still perfectly good." "Mom, they're tricycles." "Guys, I'm sorry, but we can't afford bikes right now." "I mean, it's that or food." "No, forget I gave you that option." "Great." "Now we're stuck here with nothing to do." "I mean, this is probably the most boring hotel In the history of boring hotels." "Oh, zack." "I love this hotel." "♪♪ Here I am in your life ♪♪" "♪♪ here you are in mine ♪♪" "♪♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪♪" "♪♪ most of the time ♪♪" "♪♪ you and me got the world to see ♪♪" "♪♪ so come on down ♪♪" "♪♪ just me and you know what to do ♪♪" "♪♪ so come on down ♪♪" "♪♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪♪" "♪♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪♪" "♪♪ you and me,we got it all for free ♪♪" "♪♪ so come on down ♪♪" "♪♪ this is the suite life ♪♪" "♪♪ we've got a suite life ♪♪" "The Suite Life of Zack  Cody S01E02 The Fairest of Them" "Wow.It's like christmas." "I'm sweating in places I've never sweated before." "Excuse me." "Excuse us." "Excuse us." "Excuse me." "I need to speak to the manager" "Right away." "Marion moseby at your service." "Well, maryann," "My brianna is the odds on favorite to win this years universal mini-miss beauty pageant." "I've already started working On your special requests." "Hot rollers, high wattage make up mirror,And a bucket of fried possum fingers." "Remind me to count the towels in her room." "All right." "Moseby booked a beauty pageant." "I wish we could just go up and talk to them." "Hello." "We can." "Watch and learn, little brother." "So, if I guess your name, do I win a kiss?" "Aw, you're so adorable" "And so completely out of your league." "Smooth." "I hate beauty pageants." "I know." "I never won one either." "The point is, they reward girls for being shallow, plastic robots." "What kind of superficial airhead thinks that's cool?" "Isn't this cool?" "Oh, that kind." "Look everyone, it's London." "Miss mini-miss 1999." "Bonjour !" "pageant pretties." "Oh, no." "Ohh." "What--what are you doing?" "I know that guy." "We were rivals on the cruise ship circuit." "He's the lowest, most despicable creep that I ever know in my entire life" "Tim" "Carey, you look, ugh, incredible." "What are you doing here?" "I work here." "Ah, good for you.There's no shame in being a maid." "I'm the, uh, I'm the host of this pageant." "Actually, I'm the headliner here." "They've given me a suite for me and my boys." "Oh, yes." "I heard you had kids." "Don't worry, you'll get your figure back." "I love your hair." "Did you buy or lease it?" "It was a gift." "So, you like video games?" "There was no connection." "Ooh." "But I think mini Miss Rhode Island's making eyes at me." "None of them have even noticed me." "Hi." "I'm sorry." "I don't speak vietnamese." "I meant, do you need some help with your bag?" "Uh, that's really nice of you," "But I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." "Oh, it's ok." "I'm not that strange." "Except for when I get really nervous," "I can't stop talking." "Which is odd because I'm aware of it" "And you'd think I'd know better,But for some strange reason" "All righty then." "Ok." "This thing is a total washout." "The girls are all stuck up, phony" "Don't talk about her like that." "She's sweet, and she's pure," "And everything that's good about life." "Cody, you just met her." "And yet," "I know all I need to know about her." "Oh, yeah." "What's her name?" "oh!" "Not so fast." "Now, these young ladies are here for a very important competition." "Which happens to bring in a lot of money to this hotel." "They did not come here to be harassed by tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber." "But I have to talk to what's her name." "Nope, nope, nope." "Nip, nin." "There will be no fraternizing with the contestants" "Or I will have your mother confine you to your hotel suite." "Now, these people are here as our guests." "We must treat them like royalty." "Maryann, where can I dump my porta potty?" "If you'll excuse me," "I have to help the queen with her throne." "How much longer do we have to wait here?" "Until what's her name comes out and I can give her these." "Oh-uh!" "Moseby alert." "Oh, no." "He's gonna see us fraternizing." "What are you, 5?" "Quick." "Hide in here." "Oh, tyreesha, in this dress you are bound to win." "No, I quit." "I'm sick of beauty pageants." "I'm going to science camp." "Where did I go wrong?" "Tyreesha." "There she is." "What are you doing?" "Oh, ladies." "Knock knock." "Man in the house." "Come on in." "We're decent." "Splendid." "Splendid." "You know, these rose colored candies are horrible." "That's soap, madam." "Well, then they're pretty dang good." "Almost show time, girls." "Come on, come on, come on, my little beauties." "Come on." "Young lady, why aren't you in your dress?" "Uh." "Number 11." "You're in the first group." "Ahh, is that a hair on your lip?" "I hope so." "We'll just pull that right out." "No." "Come on." "That's my only one." "Thank you, tiffany." "Our modeling competition continues, ladies and gentlemen." "Please welcome number 11, Miss Tyreesha Jones." "Tyreesha enjoys marine biology, double dutch," "And her hero is george washington Carver." "He's out of his mind." "$2,000!" "He's a genius!" "Yay, Tyreesha!" "You go, girl!" "Oh, Tyreesha, you were great." "I can't believe I've never seen you before." "Thanks." "I-I-I'm new to this." "And I'm sure no one noticed you trip." "And Rebecca, your dress is so darlin'." "It's just long enough to hide your scrawny little chicken legs." "Hey, back off or I'll" "I-I-I mean why--why can't we all just be nice to each other?" "You are new." "Thanks for sticking up for me." "Everyone else has been kind of mean." "Except for the person who sent me these pretty flowers." "But they didn't sign the card." "Uh, it was me." "Me brother cody." "Arg." "I'm a pirate." "Hello..." "Ladies." "Rebecca, you--you remember my brother cody." "Huh?" "Cody." "You're cody." "Thanks for the flowers." "Right." "Because I'm cody," "The one that sent you the flowers." "My daughter is twice as pretty as your daughter." "Aah!" "You bit me." "Ooh, mom's in a cat fight." "I gotta go hold her earrings." "Look, you were so hot out there." "You have a chance to win the prize money." "No way!" "I'm not doing it." "These heels are killing me" "And my panty hose are riding up." "Who cares about your female problems?" "Think about the money." "Think about the bikes." "You can't drop out of this pageant." "Forget it." "He's right." "You can't leave." "This pageant is like a shark tank." "I need you to help me get through this." "Uh, I'm in." "Hug." "Boy, eyeshadow's tough to get off." "'cause you use too much." "Which, by the way, makes you look a little cheap." "Now, I have a great idea for the talent competition." "Hello." "Oh, hi, Rebecca." "Is Tyreesha there?" "Give me that." "Oh, reesha!" "Oh, hi, Rebecca." "Sorry to keep you waiting," "But I have to work overtime to look as good as you do." "Heh heh heh." "You're so sweet." "Listen, brianna's having a slumber party tonight" "And asked me to invite you." "It'd be so much more fun if you were there." "Wanna come?" "A slumber party?" "No." "Absolutely not." "I'm putting my foot down." "I'll be there." "Clearly you do not understand the foot down concept." "Hey." "This is the only way I can be with Rebecca" "And I'm taking it." "Well, you're gonna blow your cover and our chance to get new bikes." "Tyreesha can do it." "no, Tyreesha can't." "Who's Tyreesha?" "Um, the new weather girl on TV." "She's always wrong." "40% humidity." "I don't think so." "The TV's not on." "Yeah." "That's 'cause we turned it off." "We're sick of her lies." "Ok." "What do you guys have planned for tonight?" "Um, um, I'm sleeping over at tapeworm's." "You're not?" "Uh, no, we had a fight." "You and tapeworm?" "Me and zack." "You wearing lipstick?" "That's what the fight was about" "Uh, I put lipstick on him while he was taking a nap." "That wasn't very nice." "And that's not your shade." "I told you." "Oh, look, girls, it's little Tyreeta." "Tyreesha." "Like it matters." "Oh, honey, there's a tray out there with half a steak on it." "I'll be right back." "You're just in time." "We're playing what do you want to be when you grow up." "Ok." "Me next." "A supermodel." "Tyreesha, what do you wanna be?" "I'm gonna be a hockey player." "Uh, or a princess." "Whichever pays better." "Eh, Rebecca?" "I wanna open a free animal hospital for underprivileged pets." "I think that's beautiful." "Thanks." "I need to start saving for vet school now." "That's the only reason why I'm doing the pageant." "What about you?" "Uh, I'm doing it to buy some bikes." "For underprivileged pets." "Oh, that's so sweet." "It's so great that we can do this together." "Ooh.Hug." "Be right there." "Don't bother, darlings." "I own the place" "London." "I got the candy counter girl to bring us some snacks." "Thank you for introducing me," "But I do have an actual name." "It's maddie." "London, what did you want to be when you were little?" "I wanted to be an heiress" "And I did it." "Yay, me!" "You must be so proud." "It takes a special kind of person to be born rich." "Ahh." "Thank you." "What are you doing in there?" "Um, putting on night creme." "It has to be applied in the dark." "You know, girls," "Pageants have their place," "But looks aren't everything." "I mean, there's education and reading, museums," "Becoming a well-rounded person." "Do you know orlando bloom?" "Orlando bloom likes smart girls." "I know he does." "I just know it." "He doesn't." "Oh, no." "Ow." "So, as returning royalty," "The judge has honored me with some confidential information" "I'm not supposed to tell." "So, here it is." "Is it about orlando bloom?" "London's talking." "So, after today's events," "It seems the 3 front runners in the contest are" "Brianna" " Yes." "No surprise." "Rebecca." "Duh." "And someone named Tyreesha." "Brianna, honey, look." "The maid left the cart out in the hall." "We are set for the next 3 months." "Hello, carey." "Hello, Tim." "Oh, sorry I missed your little show last night." "I had some socks that just had to be folded." "I did 3 encores." "That's when you sing more because they want you to." "Oh, Ms. Martin," "How would you like to do a duet In the pageant tonight with Mr. Tim?" "When pigs fly." "You fly?" "Ms. Martin would be happy to oblige such an important guest" "Who brings so much business to the tipton hotel." "Apparently it'd be my pleasure." "Our talent compitition continues" "With number 17, brianna." "Ugh." "You no good, stinkin', lousy baton." "Momma!" "Oh, baby." "It's all right." "Brianna." "And Brianna's mom." "Well, it looks like it's between Rebecca and Tyreesha." "Oh, they're so cute." "I would have smoked 'em." "I just wanted to say good luck." "I hope you win the pageant, Tyreesha." "No, you deserve to win." "You're beautiful, and unselfish," "And I've never seen anyone juggle while baking a cake." "You're so sweet." "If you were a boy, I'd kiss you." "Dude, those bikes are ours." "You are so gonna win this thing." "No, I'm not." "You need to have confidence." "You're such a loser." "What's wrong with you?" "I'm throwing the competition." "Rebecca needs the prize money for vet school." "We've gone through too much for you to ruin this now." "We?" "I'm the one wearing a dress." "And you've never looked better." "Well, you better take a good last look 'cause I'm about to take it off for good." "I can't believe you gonna let some girl come between us." "You are not throwing this competition." "Try and stop me, pal." "Well, then take off the dress 'cause I can't hit a woman." "Zack , let me out of here please welcome Tyreesha Jones" "Performing an aria from Bizet's carmen." "Oh, I'm sorry here." "There's been a program change." "Tyreesha will be demonstrating a brand new talent." "Ugh." "Where's zack?" "Who?" "Tyreesha." "She's out there." "You're ruining Rebecca's chance at the crown." "You're ruining our chance for new bikes." "Uh." "Unh.I don't care about the bikes." "I care about Rebecca." "Well, I don't." "That's because you only think of yourself." "What is going on?" "Nothing out of the ordinary." "Your boys are attempting to destroy my hotel," "But with a new twist." "One of them's wearing a dress." "What in the day long dickens is going on?" "I don't know which one of you is Tyreesha," "But she or he is disqualified." "You're a boy?" "You're a boy?" "Very funny." "You guys are such jerks." "Zack, why are you wearing a skirt?" "I did it so we could win money for bikes." "Oh, thank goodness." "Hey, man." "You ok?" "Yeah." "Sorry I ruined it for you and Rebecca." "I guess I was just being a selfish, greedy goofball." "Nah, you weren't greedy." "So we're cool?" "We're cool." "I can't believe I thought a girl could be more useful than a bike." "It's ok, buddy." "We all make mistakes." "Well, I'm never making that mistake again." "From now on, it's just you and me." "Cody, can I talk to you?" "Buzz off, bike boy." "Hi, Rebecca." "Nice tiara." "I'm glad you won." "Thanks to you." "I heard you tried to throw the competition for me." "I shouldn't have called you a jerk." "It's ok." "Well, I guess this is good-bye." "Yeah." "Bye." "You're gonna be leaving and it's like" "It's ok." "So much better than a bike." "Maryann, I'm just letting you know I am not paying for this movie 'cause I didn't like it." "I'll waive the fee, Madam" "I understand what it's like to have to look at something utterly repulsive." "Thank you." "Uh-huh."