"Okay." "We wait until he's asleep." "I use my Shadow Staff to get us in." "And I ever so gently remove the ring from his finger." "Hold up there, Mr. Storyteller." "Do changelings even sleep?" "Good point, Tobes." "New plan." "We spike his coffee with extra strength cold medicine." "I use the Shadow Staff." "And I bring my Warhammer in case that doesn't knock him out." " And I ever so gently..." " Wait." "What if he's not alone?" "His office was guarded last time." "Okay, fine." "We spike the coffee." "Shadow Staff." "I use my Warhammer to take out his goons." "Then, I ever so gently remove the ring." " But what if it doesn't come off?" " Why would it not come off?" "I don't know." "Maybe it's glued on, or he added a few pounds." "Why would it be glued on, you dingus?" "You said be ready for every precaution." " He's waking up!" " Oh, how is he waking up?" " This isn't even really happening!" " Cut off his hand!" " What?" " Use your sword." "Hurry!" "Do it!" " No, I'm not gonna cut..." " Do it!" "Do it!" "Before it's too late!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "If you chop his hand off, you chop your mom's hand off too, remember?" "Oh, I forgot." "Angor Rot's binding spell." "We're not ready." "There's too much risk." "But Angor Rot said if you don't get the ring, he's coming back for you." "Hey, we'll figure this out, Jimbo." "It's not like we don't have a secret Trollmarket right under our feet filled with crazy magic." "You sure you don't wanna come?" "Sorry." "Parents are on a weekend trip, so Mary and Darc are coming over for girls' night." "Just keeping up appearances." "You know what I mean." " Ooh, girls?" "I love a good pillow fight." " Just ignore that." "We'll let you know if we find anything, okay?" "See ya." "Huh?" " What are you doing out of your crib?" " Tryin' a new recipe." "Wanna taste?" "Just 'cause my parents are gone doesn't give you free rein to do whatever." "I'm still your older sister, you little troll!" "Technically, I'm a few centuries older, so I should be the one babysitting' you, sponge face!" "I've had it with you." "Fudgeknuckle!" "Ever since you replaced my brother, all I do is cover for your awful existence!" "I'm the one who gets blamed for everything!" "My dad wants me to see a shrink for ordering $900 worth of socks online!" "Could've been worse!" "Used a promo code!" "Got free shipping!" "Ugh!" "You're the worst fake brother ever!" "Easy, sister." "Did you forget?" "I'm the one putting' my neck on the line, siding with you guys over Gunmar." "And for what?" "To be a crib rat?" "I used to be the life of the party!" "Now you're going back to your crib 'cause my friends are coming over." " I told you." "Not me scruff!" " It's naptime." "And don't ever ask me to do the favor of letting you see your brother again!" "Fine!" "I hate you." "I hate you." "I hate you." "Nobody picks me up by me scruff." " Hello?" " Hey." "It's still on." " I don't care who knows." "Invite 'em all." " Got it." "Excuse me." "Mr. Rot and Gut?" "Do you guys have a ring remover spell or anything?" "You want a ring... remover?" "Hmm, let's see." "Ring, ring..." "Oh, here it is!" "That's Ringworm remover, ya glork." " What about a magical super magnet?" " Oh!" "Definitely got one of those!" "Doesn't work great." "Just grabs snails." "I'm afraid our colleagues here won't be of much use if you do not know what you're looking for." "We got a Footswapper." "You can take his feet." "Magical solutions are a delicate matter." "You must be precise." "Find the exact tool for the job at hand." " What did you do with our feet?" " Oh!" "Gut!" "I'm wiggling your toes." "So where do we find the right tool?" "I know just the place!" "Are you ready, young wards, to embark with me on the greatest adventure?" "Oh, yeah!" "Where?" "Where?" "The adventure of reading!" "Hours upon hours of research awaits you." "Avante!" "Well, we sure walked into that one." "My brother spent centuries curating our kind's most exotic collection of scrolls, tomes and texts." "If the answer is anywhere, it's here." " I didn't know you have a brother." " Had a brother." "Dictatious Maximus Galadrigal." "These books are all that I have left of him." " If he were here to see me now..." " Blink, I didn't know that..." " Uh, Aaarrrgghh!" " Uh-oh." "Uh..." "Just leaving." "Had things I was doing." "Uh..." "Gotta go." "Just leaving." " Hey, wingman." "What's..." " Fine." "Bye." "Strange." "I don't believe" " I've ever seen him in my library." " Let alone reading." "You guys notice Aaarrrgghh!" "'s been acting kinda weird lately?" "Aaarrrgghh!" "is a complex and yet endearing troll, Tobias." "Sometimes it's best to just let him be." "Let's get reading!" "All right, done." "Just relax and enjoy your time with the girls." "Now, let's guac and roll..." "'Ey, how do I boost the subwoofers on this thing?" "Would you turn that off?" "Baby up and get in your crib!" "Hey, ladies!" "Made enough guac' for..." "Don't worry, I got it." "Come on in!" "Mi casa es su casa!" "Look at you." "Aren't you the big one?" "Hey!" "Grog!" "Haven't seen you in a while." "Keep it movin'." "Keep it movin'." "Got plenty of room." "No!" "No way!" "You are not having a party!" "By the looks of it, I am." "What time your friends comin' over?" "Hey, girl!" "'Sup?" "'Sup, Claire?" "Sorry we're late." "Just swung by Tremiti's for a large triple meat 'za." "Extra carnivore." "Your favorite." "No!" "No, no, no!" "Don't come!" "Hey, get away from the window!" " Get out of here!" " Claire?" "Who's over there?" "Nobody." "We'll hang out another time." " Claire?" " I gotta go!" "C-bomb just hung up on me." "Let me out!" " Don't eat that!" " Phone tasty." " Oh." " Whatever." "Book 26, nothing." "This last one was just a list of toe fungus." "Fungi." "Fungi!" "Whatever!" "I don't care!" "I'm still on book three." "Can't exactly read Trollish, so just been kinda looking at the pictures." "This is taking forever." "Any luck, Blink?" "Excuse me." "My zeal for the library sciences seems to be waning." "Since I only have two eyes, reading makes them very tired, very fast." "Dude, you awake?" "You look terrible." "I can't conceive why." "I've met every one of my daily human needs, three meals a day, eight glasses of water, eight minutes of sleep." "Oh, Blinky, it's eight hours of sleep!" "Not..." "And... then there were two." "I don't know how many more books I can read before my brain melts." "I think this book's about reading books." "Wait a sec." "I think you found something." "Whoa." ""A draught of Elix-Lore allows thee to consume knowledge at a voracious pace."" "Won't take Strickler's ring off, but it could help speed things up." "I wonder if Rot-Gut has any." "Huh?" "Mm!" "See?" "Know what to look for and you can find the exact tool for the job!" "Oh!" "Give me some of that yum yum juice." "Ah!" "Okay." "After a swig of this, we'll get through these books in no time." "Kinda minty." "With notes of... mold." "Oh..." "Toby, it says you're only supposed to drink a drop of it." "You drank half the bottle!" "Hey, Jim." "My insides are gurgling real weird." "But do you feel... hungry for knowledge?" "Actually, I feel like I'm gonna..." "Mm-mm." "Jim, am I wrong?" "Or did words just fly into my mouth?" " How do you feel?" " I feel as good as Grimbald the Grave must have felt at the Quibble of Quandary after besting a vicious Sloorbeast." "Wait." "What did I just say?" "Holy moly!" "You just..." "devoured the entire book!" "Oh, man, Tobes, you're like a..." "You're like a troll genius!" "Quick, eat another one!" "Mm!" "Mm." "Maddrux the Many triumphed in the battle of Doomscavern, defeating his greatest enemy." "Himself." "Hit me again!" "All of you!" "Get out!" "Hello?" "Spit that out, now!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" " What is that?" " Glug." "Ew!" "Ugh!" "Hello, Gnomes." "Hold still here." "I gotcha." "Here we go." "Round and round it goes." "Who ya smooch?" "Nobody knows!" "Now, that's gross." " Stop this party right now!" " Why?" "It's just gettin' good." "Aaarrrgghh!" "Finally someone sane." "I'm so glad you're here." "Uh, yes." " Is that Glug?" " Aaarrrgghh!" "Seriously?" "What's that under your arm?" "Looks pretty bad." "Nothing!" "Shut up!" "What you see?" "That's not yours!" "Sorry." "Geez." "Who plarped in his Glug?" "Oh, Glug!" " I've never seen him like this." " Give the big lug a break." "Even he needs to blow off some steam." "Aaarrrgghh!" "Aaarrrgghh!" "Aaarrrgghh!" "Aaarrrgghh!" "Oh, yeah!" " Yeah!" " A lotta steam apparently." "This is insane!" "Wahoo!" "Eh?" "Yahoo!" "Yeah!" "Who's the Sultan of Swagger?" "The Dark Prince of Partypalooza?" "Let's crank this party up!" "So, what do you do?" "Oh." "The strong, silent type." "I see." "Say, what does a girl got to do to get that mask off?" "She's having a party?" "Why wouldn't she invite us?" " Yeah." "We're cool." " Hmm!" " Why is it snowing in my room?" " Is blizzard magic not okay?" " She's weird." " Yeah." "Oh, no." "Not them!" "Hey, ladies." "What's going down?" "Throwing a rager and not telling us, is what's going down!" "I don't get it, Claire." "I thought we were your BFF's." "This little thing?" "This isn't a party." "Yahoo!" "Party!" "Claire, are those... college kids?" "Let us in!" "We can hang with upperclassmen!" "No, I can't." "I'm not opening this door." " No!" "Don't!" " Come on." "Fine!" "I'll find another way in." "Wait." "Mary." "Are you crazy?" " You should have invited us." " No, no!" "Stop!" "Get off my house." "Pummelling hour!" "Yeah!" "Hi." "Yes!" "Ugh." "Was that the delivery guy with me socks?" "We're almost outta snacks." "Mary and Darci are here." "Do you realize how busted we are?" "Mary's gonna tell everyone!" "Great!" "This party's blowing up!" "No." "She's got 30,000 dumb followers online." "One pic of this, and we're talking news vans, black helicopters, you on a dissection table." "Ooh." "That's right." "Ooh!" "Just fix this!" "Shut it down!" " Aaarrrgghh!" "Not helping!" " I'm sorry." "Yeah!" " Blinky, wake up." "Wake up!" " I am Gun Robot." "I am Gun Robot." "Pick up your phone." "Pick up." "Claire!" "I'm so glad you called." "You gotta come to Trollmarket." "Toby is..." "No time, Jim." "You need to come here." "NotEnrique's out of control!" "Out of control?" "Toby is gorging on magic troll words and turning into some kind of a knowledge god!" " More!" "More knowledge!" " Toby, stop!" "More!" "More knowledge!" "Jim!" "NotEnrique, my house!" "I've tried everything!" "More knowledge!" "Claire, look, I know you can figure it out." "I'm so sorry but..." "I gotta go!" "Okay." "Maybe we should take a break, Tobes." "You gotta be full by now, right?" "No, James." "I am becoming a living archive." "A codex of all troll history and arcana!" "I am like Voltar the Voracious, who was born with two minds!" "For all good that did him." "Stepped on by a Thrall." "Don't you see, James?" "I already have the solution to our problem!" "To do something impossible, you must change what is possible." "The oldest known troll was 5,352 years old named Chokeenamaga." "Okay." "So, Tobes, how do we get the ring off Strickler?" "The Kairosect will grant us all we need to get the Inferna Copula." "Queethokpharlock." "Hey, hey, focus." "How do we get the Kairo thing?" "You must return to Gatto's Keep." "Gatto?" "Oh, great!" "Aren't you already on his crap list?" "Bula-nok-chura-azu-zoth." "Bula!" "Bula!" " Bula-chura!" "Bula-chura!" "Bula-chura!" " Oh, no!" "Bula-chura!" "Bula-chura!" "Bula-chura!" "Bula-chura!" "Bula-chura!" "Bula-chura!" "All right, Tobes." "We got what we're looking for, so let's chill, okay?" "We'll get some fresh air." "Splash of water." "There are more important endeavors!" "I must know all!" "Oh, boy." "Oh, hey, Claire." "What's your wi-fi?" "And why is the floor all wet?" "Ew!" "Wait." "Where... is..." "Mary?" "Yeah, this party is pretty crispy." "So... where are you from?" " Underground." " Love the underground scene." " So, are you like a... art major?" " What is art?" "Wow." "That is so deep." "We should do something sometime." " What are you doing?" " Mary." "Come with me." "Now." "No!" "Call me." "Come on!" "Morgus-mork-mork-morgus-morgus." "Ban-nok-dum-wemma-morgus, bannok-dum-wemma." "The great Warg age enters the seventh blood moon." "The Draknagoth will arise!" "Nope." "The parallels of the universe!" "All its answers have become so clear!" "The secret to life is..." "Nope." "Nope." "Nope." "The secret of life is..." "The meaning is..." "Nope." "The secret of life is... is..." "I think I'm..." "Nope." "I think I'm..." "Ugh." "All right, Tobes." "The meaning is..." "Ah!" "Elix-Lore." "Tobes, Tobes." "What is two plus two?" "Awesome sauce!" "Phew." "Back to normal." "But my library, on the other hand..." "Sorry." "I'll... clean it up." "No." "No, it's all recoverable." "Rot-Gut's probably has a little something to put it right." "No!" "What are you doing?" "The boy of my dreams was in..." " Why is the floor all wet?" " It was just shampooed." " You need to leave..." "like, yesterday." " Claire, what happened to us?" "We used to be inseparable." "And now, we barely see you." "You're hanging with your boyfriend, Jimmy Jam." "He's not my boyfriend." "But are we even your girlfriends anymore?" "Yes." "But, this other life, you just can't." " Wait!" "I know what's going on." " You do?" "You have a college boo!" "And you're keeping it secret to spare Jim's feelings." "Um..." "Oh!" "Hugs." "Come here." "Bring it in." "Sorry about the drama!" "But I gotta see this piece on the side!" "Mary!" "No, no!" "Stop!" "Attention!" "This is the police!" "We know you're having an awesome party in there!" "Disperse immediately!" "Quick!" "Out the window!" " They won't see you!" " But what about you?" "Your parents will kill you when they find out!" "I'll take the fall." "It was my party." "But go." "Save yourselves." "Oh!" "Tell that artist boy to call me!" "Claire, you're the best." "Talk tomorrow." "Open up!" "You are under arrest for falling for that." "You little brat." "I could kiss you." "Gross!" "Come on!" "I'm your brother." " Fake brother." " Deserved that." "Sorry." "Maybe I shouldn't have had a party." "Any time you wanna see your brother, you know, just ask." "And I'm sorry for always grabbing you by the scruff." "Maybe I can take you to Trollmarket once in a while." "Now that we've made up, I should be hittin' the sack." "Don't want to stop you from cleaning' up here." " I'm cleaning up?" " Really, the scruff again?" " You better..." " All right, all right, all right." "Truce." "Truce!" "You go to sleep." "I'll clean up the mess." "From what I heard, siblings fight all the time." "Right, sis?" "I guess that practically makes us family." "I guess it does."