"to quietly think through the day's work." "It is during the hours between afternoon and evening, when the large theatre is quiet and abandoned." "I have probably slept for a while, I'm not sure." "When I look around, I don't recognize myself." "Something has changed in a secretive and intangible way." "Hi." "What are you looking for?" "A bracelet." "I'm the kind who loses things." "Distance and boredom." "Distance and anxiousness..." "Distance and a sharp taste of iron on the tongue." "I want her to leave." "Her search for the bracelet is so obviously an excuse." "I want you to leave." "I want you to go now." " I am free this evening." " It's really none of my business." "It was nothing special." "I'm happy to rehearse all day." " You don't need to excuse yourself." " I'm not excusing myself." "How old are you really, Anna Egerman?" "Guess!" "You're the same age as my youngest daughter." "Your father and I made a film and were both blessed with a daughter in the space of a week." "You are 23 years and 3 months old, aren't you?" "Dad and you had fun back in those days." "I sense a tone of accusement in your voice." "Dad was always away, and mom was always sad." "Wasn't she an unusually talented actress?" "Yes, dear Anna, your mother was one of the most beautiful women I'd seen, charming, highly talented and passionate." "Then she married Mikael and left the theatre." " You were also in love with my mother." " Of course, we all were." "Did you have a relationship?" "Why not?" "Your mother resisted." "Mikael was braver, or more foolhardy!" "And look what happened!" "Mom gave birth to a bunch of kids she didn't want and died of intoxication." "One time I asked her why she left the theatre." "She said that she loved dad and didn't want to embezzle her life." "Mom was incredibly dishonest." "It is odd to hear you speak of your mother." "Am I too harsh?" "I think you speak without understanding!" "How can I fake a understanding that I don't have?" "It took me many years before I dared to fully hate her." "Instead, I wandered about with dread that made me feeble-minded." "Now I hate her and feel much better." "As far as she's concerned, the matter should be settled!" "That's the big question." "I read an interview where you explained that this was our only life and that "before" and especially "after"" "didn't exist." "You said this knowledge gave you the largest comfort." "You certainly have a sense of irony!" "It is just confusion!" "I'll tell you one thing, Anna Egerman." "At my age, sometimes you lean forward and suddenly your head is in another reality." "The dead are not dead." "The living appear as ghosts." "What was obvious a minute ago is peculiar and difficult to comprehend." "Listen to the silence in this stage room." "Imagine all the spiritual energy, all the emotions, real and acted," "laughter, rage, passion, and I don't know what." "It's all still here... enclosed..." "Lives its secret and uninterrupted life." "Sometimes I hear them." "Often I hear them." "Sometimes I think I see them." "Demons." "Angels." "Ghosts." "Ordinary people, fully occupied with their own business." "Turned away." "Secretive." "Sometimes we speak randomly of our meetings..." "Now you have that wonderful ironic smile!" "Not at all!" "I understand what you mean with the stage room's silence." "But do you really think..." "Isn't it indifferent?" "If it is in a dream that I create entire shows, actors and lines, or if they actually live their own life?" "Outside and beyond my senses?" "Isn't that indifferent?" "Still you you believe my mother suffers from my hate... even though she's been dead for five years?" "It frightens me when you speak of your hate." "I believe that it hits her." "If it is so, it delights me." "You were about to say something..." "You play the game." "It is your game." "Why did you want me to play Indra's daughter?" "Because you are quite talented." "I saw you at a student play." "You played Agnes in "Brand"." " It was terrible." " Yes, it was!" "You can only be that bad if you are talented!" "Then I saw you in a film." "The part wasn't anything special and the film was bad." "I had just received an offer to stage a play at my old theatre." "When I saw that film, I thought:" "it will be "A Dream Play"" "with Anna Egerman as Indra's daughter." "For me it was the fifth time I staged this play." "It might be a sixth and a seventh, too." "When I was 12 years old," "I got to come with a musician who played the organ behind the stage." "Night after night, I sat there, in the lighting tower, and witnessed the marriage between the daughter and the lawyer." "It was the first time I experienced the magic of the actor." "The lawyer had a hairpin between his thumb and his index finger." "Look at this!" "It is two branches, but only one pin." "It is two, but it is one." "Now I straighten it... and it is one piece." "If I bend it, it is two, without ceasing to be one." "That means:" "In two is one." "But I break it..." "Now in two is two!" "There was no needle, but I saw it!" "That's how it all began." "There I sat, crawled in behind two searchlights." "I am too young for the part." "Whoever plays Indra's daughter is too young or too old." "Earlier, you have always scratched out and worked up." "Of course!" "It is easier that way." "I don't understand this, get rid of this crap!" "This sounds ridiculous, I'll re-write it!" "This scene is badly placed, I'll move it!" "I knead the script according to a fixed purpose!" "In the end," "I'll have a giant cross arise, or a hundred extras fill the stage, awfully dressed and with their left fists raised in the air!" "I rape Strindberg!" "It is perfectly fine." "It is in highest fashion." "Ethics give me right, I have dusted off the old fossil." "Why am I saying this?" "It is just nonsense." "Empty rhetorics." "Why do I suddenly put on this ridiculous act?" "This parody on a conviction that has turned sour and disintegrated?" "Why do I have to justify myself for that young person who doesn't even care what I say?" "You want me to convince you that you're appropriate for the part." "That is my job!" "The sweet secret of our relationship!" "You assume that I believe in you and you demand constant acknowledgement!" "If I am convincing enough on the verbal, the emotional and the intellectual level..." "You finally believe in me and you let your self-esteem blossom." "I, on the other hand, am stimulated by your confidence." "The blood pulsates." "Small coronary arteries entwine at the far end of the acting group's dullest outskirts." "Colours the medoicrity's cheeks, and makes their eyes glow." "That's how it is, Anna Egerman." "That's how it has to be!" "When I saw you as a wild little goblin in your father's knee," "I might have thought:" "she will become an actress." "When I saw you in that stupid film, your way with yourself, your speech," "when I saw your eyes, your impatience and your vulnerability," "it made me happy," "I felt that together with you, I can make the ever so heavy wheel spin again." "If it is so, I don't understand why you are so critical." "You change everything I do, and you criticize everything!" "Sometimes I cry out of despair when I come home." "I don't believe that you have belief in me." "Really?" "You don't believe that I have belief in you?" "That was the only silly thing I've heard you say during our five weeks of rehearsals!" "You say that you cry, but if you let me guess, I think you cry out of joy!" "You know that something happens inside you, a regrouping and a structuration of your potential." "It happens in a practical way that might hurt... but makes you content and happy all the same." "When we talk outside of work, you are a much worse actress than when we're working." "Get rid of the private actress!" "She only steals power from the real actress, and gets in the way of several impulses that might benefit you on stage." "What a lecture!" "Yes!" "Now I'll go to my hotel room and sleep, so that I can bear being with you all evening!" "Goodbye!" "Goodbye." "Sleep well!" "So you think that I'm acting in private?" "Yes, as a matter of fact I do." "People are thankful if you show the face they are expecting to see." "Someone wants you to be happy for a gift and you show happiness." "Someone wants you to show love and you receive love in return." "You're supposed to show compassion, be sexy, or funny, or sad..." "Are you always real?" "Me?" "I live an isolated life." "And during rehearsals?" "My feelings don't matter, only yours and the other actors." "I use all methods to make you work." "That is my profession, and besides that my only real joy." "Is it so important to be careful with emotions and their expressions?" "Without my private act, how can I protect myself from the world?" "Guess!" "Maybe you shouldn't protect yourself?" "Who the hell tricked me into using fake emotions?" "It must have started early deep down in my childhood." "The travel sickness, the need to satisfy." "Mom could be quite scary, and dad..." "Yes... you know all that!" "As a child you are at disadvantage and then you keep on because it's easier!" "I have to ask something important." "In the marriage scene with the lawyer you let me wander back and forth like an animal in a cage." "I can probably not do it the way you want it done." "I feel quite stupid." "Try some more." "If it doesn't work, we'll come up with something else." "Maria received a lot of praise for that wandering, in your last production, 11 years ago." "But I am not as good as her." "Besides, she was twice my age." " Have you read the reviews?" " Of course!" "What's so funny about that?" "Maria is dead and legendary..." "If you don't want to wander like Maria  you can do it the other way around." "Sit immobile, as if you were connected with the chair." "Close to the stove." "It is cold." "Don't stand up until the officer comes to rescue you from your prison." "And then you rise as if you were paralyzed." "Yes, that will work very well, and Maria turns in her grave." "So I sit immobile, by the stove, freezing." "But I can reach out to him, when I say:" "My love..." "I die in this air, in this room with a rear window," "with these children's screams, in endless hours without sleep." "With these people out there, their moaning, trouble and accusations." "I have to die in here." "And then he approaches me, and puts his arms around me," "gets down on his knees by the chair and says:" "Poor little flower!" "Yes, that is probably good." "It would help a lot." "A couple of days ago, you said that the daughter is heavy, several hundred kilos in this scene." "But I can't find any weight." "The weight is in your arms, your shoulderand your hips." "You say that, but..." "It's not so easy, when you jump out of bliss!" "You have trouble standing still in the scene with the farewell." "Stand still enjoy standing still, and stand with your whole body." "How can you be so sure that you're right?" "You've never been an actor!" " I feel it!" " Aren't you afraid to be wrong?" "When I was younger and should've had reason to be afraid," "I didn't have the sense to be afraid!" "Many directors paths are lined with assaulted actors!" "Have you ever cared to count your victims?" "In life, or let us say reality," "I believe that there are many people who were hurt by my ravage." "Just like I was hurt by other people's treatment." " Not at the theatre?" " No, never at the theatre." "I'll tell you something that is actually true." "I love the actors." "I love them as phenomenons." "I love their profession." "I love their courage, or their contempt for death, or whatever you want to call it." "I understand their escape, but also their dark, ruthless frankness." "I love when they try to manipulate me." "I envy their credolousness and their sharp-sightedness." "I love the actors, and therefore I can never hurt them." "You say that you love the actors." "Are you never disappointed?" "No." "Don't smoke all the time." "Excuse me." "My old teacher once said that a director should learn how to listen and to shut up!" "Actors are creative artists, but not very verbalized." "You have to listen, be patient and wait." "To me you say quite a lot!" "You are a beginner, I have to trim your garden!" "There are some weeds, but the roses are unheard of." "Are you tired?" "Yes." "I usually take a nap at this time." "My blood sugar levels have hit rock bottom." "Are you going to sleep here?" "No, I am going to sit here and be sentimental." "Then I won't bother you." "When I think about it, you never had any bracelets this morning." "I remember noticing that you didn't wear a bracelet." "It is in my dressing room!" "By the way, you don't bother me at all, and you could hardly stop my desire for sentimentality, more likely the contrary." "Then I'll sit down." "Come a little closer, so I can see you better, said the wolf to the little girl!" "That hair-do looks good on you." "I'm growing out my hair for my role." "The first days you had some modern..." "I don't know what it was." "It didn't look good." "I thought I'd look a little smart for you, so I went to the hairdresser!" "For my sake?" "How pleasant!" "You have to make an impression, you see." "I didn't think a young, modern, self-supporting..." "In that field I'm not very modern." " This leg hurts me." " Since when?" "It is death who chews at me, like greedy little rats." "Dad and you are the same age?" "Yes, dad and I are the same age." "Now we're sitting here!" "Looking out over the dark lounge." "Dust falls over our heads from the darkness." "Below us..." "Below us an abyss of machines and trapdoors and..." "Now we're sitting here properly." "The armchair over there was featured in "The Father", this couch appeared in "Hedda Gabler"." "I used the table for "Tartuffe"" "and the chairs in my last "A Dream Play"." "We are familiar!" "I greet them like old friends." "But most of all, I like my rehearsal screens." "Reminds me of my childhood." "I had a large wooden box filled with the simplest building blocks." "It represented everything I could wish for." "For me it's best that way." "Chair... table... screen... stage... working light... actors in plain clothes." "Movements... voices... faces... calmness." "Magic." "All is imagined." "Nothing exists." "What a drag, Anna, what a drag." "I love these old theatres." "They are like violins, endlessly sensitive, refined," "final." "But they bind us." "The word, the actor, the spectator." "That is all that is needed." "The only thing needed for the miracle to happen." "That is my conviction, my innermost conviction, but I never follow it." "I am too attached to this deprivated, dusty and dirty instrument." "That's how it is." "You once said that acting is a moral concern." "My old teacher divided actors into two categories:" "One gets on the stage and the other gets off the stage." "That sounds unfair!" "It's not unfair, but it's not very equal either!" "You ignore Andersson no matter how he acts, but you watch Pettersson and the one at the far end of the stage who doesn't move a finger." "Actually I didn't want to be an actress." "Who forced you?" "When mom and dad argued, I stood in the doorway and watched them." "They used their voices, their gestures and their intonations." "Sometimes a line from a play popped in, appropriately transposed for the occasion." "I thought mom was the worst." "Doesn't dad hear how fake she sounds?" "Can't he see how she observes the effects with her left eye and cries with the right one!" "Can't he tell how she leads the game and forces him into the most peculiar replies?" "Mom was superb, but she didn't fool me!" "One time I told her:" "Don't put on an act, mom," "I am a bad audience." "Your efforts are in vain." "Then she looked at me in a frightening way and said:" "This is my only expression." "I have no other..." "Real or not..." "I suffer... and I am lonely..." "try to understand that!" "It's raining." "Yes, now I hear..." " A true autumn's rain." " Well, it is autumn." " Perhaps you took a nap?" " No." "Distance..." "Indifference..." "Dread..." "Fear..." "Powerlessness..." "Powerless anger..." "Distance..." "Can't we make love?" "Here?" "At your room, dear." "We have done it before." "You are not sober!" " How unpleasant!" " Yes, it is unpleasant!" "Come, Henrik!" "I don't want to." "Yes, you want to!" "You want to, but you are embarrassed!" "We have nothing more to  to say, I know." "But we can make love." "There has never been any misunderstandings in that field, isn't that true, my friend?" "Yes..." "I have looked into your face, straight into it." "Inside." "We have no secrets for each other." "It sounds like a line from a bad play." " By you, perhaps?" " Thank you." "Why do you force me to play a role with only two lines?" "Can you answer that?" "Can you give me one valid reason, except that it amuses you and humiliates me?" "Do you want to know the truth?" "I have always been interested in your excuses." "You are truly a plague!" "Infectious!" "Could you possibly be of the large kindness to try to remind yourself that I called you almost a year ago and told you about this production?" "I asked you if you wanted to play Edith's mother out of old friendship's sake." "You cried and thanked me and said that I, had made you insanely happy and that you were very happy that I hadn't forgotten you, et cetera!" "We talked for almost an hour." "Later that night, you phoned me, considerably drunk, and said that you were very thankful and that you still loved me ." "One minute has passed, and I have delivered my explanation." "If I were to add something.." "Nevermind." "It doesn't belong..." "I can imagine your conversation with the head of the theatre." "I thought of casting Rakel as Edith's mother." "The head says:" "Isn't that risky?" "She is in such a bad shape." "She has been out of work for three months." "I don't know if you can stand her." "She has gotten careless and undisciplined." "You sit quietly a while, thinking of old Rakel!" "You nod, smile and say:" "I'll call her!" "And let her decide..." " Do you still live at home?" " No." "Do you live alone?" "You know very well that I live at the hospital." " I didn't know that." " Don't pretend!" "I didn't know, I promise!" "For the sake of Anna." "And Mikael?" "Mikael?" "He believes everything, hopes everything... he is kind!" "He is kind..." "Mikael is kind." " And Anna?" " Does it interest you?" "She is fine." "What an extensive answer!" "What do you want me to say?" "She is fine." "How old is she?" "She turns twelve in June." "She becomes more and more like you." "You mean something unpleasant." "Anna sells people!" "I don't understand that..." "She sells her mother to please her father." "Maybe she has her reasons?" "Of course!" "We sit by the dinner table, Mikael reads the paper," "I ask him to stop." "He rises up, folds the paper, approaches me and slaps me in the face with the paper." "He grabs his coat and hat and slams the door." "The following day, I overhear a conversation between Anna and Mikael." "Anna says she feels sorry for her father." "She understands that he can't take any more, and so on." "Poor Rakel!" "One can do what one wants with me." "Isn't that so?" "Anything, Henrik?" "That's what's risky about you." "I was the best, wasn't I?" "Yes, you were the best." "For 26 years, I was the best!" "If you wanted, you could still..." "Thanks... that is kind of you." "Can you tell that I have fake teeth in my upper jaw?" "I rot little by little." "Even when I was 20 years old and played Margareta." "Do you remember the final scene?" "I knew already then how the story goes..." "The decomposition!" "It was there." "It was present." "Yes, it was..." "But it didn't show back then." "Do you remember our show with traditional songs on the radio?" "We sang... and played..." "Then came "The Crown Bride"" "it was you that time too." "Why won't you sleep with me?" "I've had two glasses of red wine, no more, no less." "I am not drunk if that's what you think!" "I'm not suggesting anything." "My thighs are as smooth as those of a young girl." "My breasts!" "Look!" "Well, what do you think?" "Henrik says nothing!" "Henrik is silent and stares." "He can't make up his mind." "Henrik is horny, but dispirited." "He is not looking at my thighs and my breasts..." "He looks at my face... at my face..." "Oh, God!" "Why do you live at the hospital?" "My gentle doctor thinks it's best that way." "During the phases?" "During the phases." "And otherwise?" "Otherwise?" "I have a floor facing the yard behind the theatre." "It is a beautiful yard with an old chestnut tree just oustide the window." "In the summer, the light turns green in my room, just like an aquarium." "Let's go home to me." "Five minutes." "Four minutes!" "I'm waiting for someone." "That doctor is considerate, I'm telling you." "We have long conversations." "It's called conversational therapy." "He talks about himself then he fucks me slowly, with cold, sweaty hands." "A little helpless bastard!" "You're waiting for someone, you said?" "That's unusual!" "You have never waited for anyone!" " Who is it?" " It's none of your business." "No, you are right." "Then my doctor phones Mikael." "My husband and my doctor are conversating about Rakel and her condition, while Rakel lies on the floor in her little white room and masturbates." "It has never occurred to you that your doctor and your husband are trying to help?" "I am absolutely positive that they are both absolutely positive that they are trying to help." "Can't you see another doctor?" "What good would that do?" "I get the care that I need." "I have a white cube at my disposal, where I can channel my screams, my prayers, my vomits and my fear." "I am privileged, as they say, and I am endlessly thankful!" "Can I never play a big part again?" "Is the fright too big?" "Will I die of fear?" "Will I vomit on stage, get diarrhoea, crap my pants?" "Did you know that I have a plastic bucket at the side-scene?" "What am I supposed to do?" "Whether I work or "rest", as they say, the fear is just as big!" "Do you think that my instrument is ruined forever?" " I think that you..." " In that case, I must die!" "No, it's just nonsense." "I don't want to die," "I am afraid of death!" "I can't imagine that I would hurt myself in seriousness!" "Do you think that my instrument is destroyed?" "No, not really." "Idiot!" "I told them over and over..." "don't do it!" "It is a catastrophy for life!" "I know it's a catastrophy for life!" "I don't know what you're talking about." "It was an everyday fight between Mikael and me..." "I knew he was lying." "I tried to make him speak the truth." "Just that one time!" "But he lied." "And he clinged to it." "I know that I acted wrong." "I know that I screamed and cried and locked myself in the bathroom." "I hit Anna, so she started to holler." "I tried to console her, but she fended me off and ran to Mikael for protection." "Then I hit her!" "I regret it..." "I have regretted it every day..." "Mikael called the police and our friend, the doctor, and he came together with a locksmith, policemen and caretakers." "I just wanted Mikael to speak the truth, just that one time!" "You know that I want the truth, no matter how disturbing it may be!" "Regular people don't want your demands for truth." "You were involved too." "It was you who said there was a risk for suicide!" "Even though you know that I've never tried to hurt myself!" "Stop provoking me, please!" "You, Mikael and the doctor!" "Your conspiration theories are completely unreal!" "You couldn't tear me apart one by one." "Not even two by two." "But all of you three together were good enough!" "Listen, Rakel, why don't you go to hell where you belong!" "I don't ever want to speak with you again." "Think about you." "I don't ever want to have anything to do with you." "Once and for all, I have obliterated you." "You don't exist..." "We had been your lovers, and you had raised us between your knees, and then you had rejected us, and searched for new victims." "Even back then, you drank heavily, and when you were drunk, you were hard on me." "Hard on yourself too!" "Good God, help me!" "Why can't you give me one more shot?" " I promise not to disappoint you." " I don't dare, Rakel." "Such a stupid answer!" "I am a magnificent instrument, you've said it yourself." "Through me, you can hear tones never heard before!" "Isn't that worth an experiment?" "The sister of my own mother, in her blindness, have denied Dionysos' divine extraction." "That is why" "I have driven them furiously from house and home, and forced all the women of Cadmos' tribe, with the emblem of the orgy, to head for the mountains." "Among Cadmos' daughters, they gather in the wilds, among cliffs and the ever so green pine forest." "Yes, this town, where the shouts of Bacchus have never been heard, shall atone for the insult of my mother and, wantingly or not, make remedy!" "Do you dread your own tumult so much, that you can't bear the unpredictable?" "You're getting insufferably theatrical!" "Am I?" "Excuse me." "I hate tumult, aggressions, fits of rage..." "I administrate, divide, organize..." "I'm not part of the drama, I materialize it." "I despise the spontaneous, unmeditated, unspecified." "I have no room for my own complications, other as keys to the secrets of the scripts or impulses for the actors' creativity." "My rehearsal is a operation in an operating room, where self-discipline, cleanliness, light and stillness reigns." "That's the only way we can approach the limitless." "The difficulties, the darkness." "That's the only way we can solve the mysteries and learn the mechanics of repeating." "I manage scripts and working hours!" "I am responsible for keeping the work meaningful." "I am not private." "I observe and I register." "I am not impulsive, spontaneous, contributory..." "it just looks like it." "If I for a moment tore off the mask and showed my real thoughts and emotions, you would turn against me in rage, tear me apart, throw me out the window!" "Moron!" "Theatre is dirt, filth and sexual excitement, tumult, rattle and devilry." "I don't believe your pure theory for a moment, it is suspicious." "Just like you." "How would it be if..." "Bah, it doesn't pay." "I don't even know why I..." "Why I'm not the most gullible person in the world!" "All the lies you have crammed down my throat!" "Luckily my memory is bad." "Indeed." "Why are you so bored?" "I'm not bored." "I'm just wondering how many victims are lined up..." "I am here, at my beloved theatre, 46 years old, my ex-lover has offered me a role with two lines out of pity..." "Oh my god, how she lies and behaves affectedly." "This talented person shows off and becomes unbearable." "I know what that lousy show means." "Soon, she will be struck by the truth!" "The short but terrible insight... the breakdown." "My face!" "I stink like a rotten fish!" "My skin pours out some moisture that smells like shit..." "The make-up doesn't stick, it runs down and gathers in thick lumps." "I try to make my nails clean but they crack and get dirty." "I am completely rotten..." "I know." "Don't you think I know?" "You talk about the victims that line my path!" "I'll be damned..." "But Rakel, it is a compliment!" "A compliment?" "Excuse me!" "I know that you despise my tears," "I know that you hate that I blow my nose in a dirty napkin... but I got oil on my fingers and I have no other..." "I don't want you any harm, Rakel." "Do you hear me?" "If you don't dare to be so serious, we could do a comedy together!" "Molière!" "I would be a good Dorine!" "She doesn't need to be young." "The french always portray her as an old hag, which I think is wrong..." "she's supposed to show cleavage..." "I've always failed with "Tartuffe"." "That's why you should try again!" "Besides, I think the play is boring." "Well, then it's probably no use." "I'm leaving." "You can stay." " No, I'm just bothering you." " Not at all." "You are waiting for someone, no?" "It was just something I said." "You just dislike that I got ahold of you." "You never believe in me, but try to believe this:" "Not a day goes by that I don't think of you." "Every night, before my soporifics knock me unconcious, I think of you." "You are always in my thoughts..." "That's how it is, Rakel." " That was kind of you..." " Not kindness: truth." "It was kind of you to tell me." "Go home to your flat and clean up." "I'll be with you in one hour." "You're just saying that to get rid of me!" "Yes, I will go." "I'm leaving." "Do you want to have dinner?" "I can cook something good, like in the old days." "Don't bother for me." "That's Henrik Vogler in a nutshell." ""Don't bother for me!"" ""Don't bother for me"" "I'm not angry, Henrik!" "I can joke a little, can't I?" "Or is that forbidden?" "You're at advantage, as usual!" "When you arrive, I will be newly bathed, sweet smelling... sober..." "The great unconciousness!" "Oh Henrik, my dear..." "Do you think I'd been happier in life if I were cynical?" "Go now..." "I will probably be there." "Rakel?" "That's how it always is." "Running after her, shouting her name..." "And then lies, and fruitless reconciliations!" "And then guilty conscience, fear and restrained curses." "And then compassion..." "Always the same." "I never thought about mom's infantility." "Last thursday, you said I'm childish for my age." " Did I?" " Yes, and it's true!" "I am childish." "Sometimes it's embarrassing!" "Gullible, negligent and naive." "In our profession, infantility is quite widely spread." "How the hell would it be possible if not?" "Sometimes it surprises me that people even takes us seriously..." "That they build large, beautiful houses for us where we can gather and play our games!" "Take care of your infantility!" "It is an excellent filter against your conciousness." "When I fall for my passions I am not the least concious." " Are you jealous?" " Normally." ""Normally"!" "Oh well, I believe you." " And you?" " Hardly normally!" "You look at me as if you were going to say something astonishing, and I think:" "Is this uncle Henrik's way to seduce young ladies?" "That was unkind of you!" "I am delighted!" "Can't you see?" "Really?" "Now I ruined that thing you were about to say!" "If it amuses you, I can tell you that I am indeed fond of you." "In love, if you wish!" "I am happy that you exist, that you're sitting next to me in the "Hedda Gabler"-couch, that I can reach you with my hand." "I am happy that we have five weeks of common work ahead of us, that you are tied to me professionally, and thereby emotionally." "I am in love with you because you are a young, beautiful person." "Because you are an exceptionally and uniquely equipped human being... not to mention that you are a good actress." "That was beautiful!" "Of course I am jealous!" "That's part of the game!" "I know that you live together with that little corpulent directing assistant, whatever his name is..." "Johan something!" "Not only is he uncommonly rude, he is also talentless, at least judging by his Brecht production up at the Studio." "That he by some miracle has succeeded to lie on top of you must be regarded as the triumph of mediocrity!" "But maybe he has invisible qualities, what do I know." "What does your father think?" " That Johan is sweet." " That he is sweet?" "Are you sure he wasn't being ironic?" ""Johan sure is a sweet boy!"" "We are expecting a child." "I knew it!" "Which month, the second?" "The third." "I knew it!" "It's absurd!" "What's absurd?" "Before the opening, you'll be in the fifth month." "How long can you act?" "Three weeks?" "Two?" "What about my work?" "Pardon my anger, but..." "So now you're not happy about our cooperation anymore." "I don't understand anything!" "A young, promising actress is offered the best part in the world." "It is a pivotal moment of her career." "For more than a year, she has known when she'll be doing the part, and she gets pregnant." "I don't understand anything!" "So now your love for me has died, hasn't it?" "No." "Quite the contrary." "How do you mean?" "I enjoy directing "A Dream Play" with you as Agnes." "That the play can be shown for two weeks is even more fun." "It didn't turn out to be a production, it turned out to be a child." "When I think about it, it's really magnificent!" "But I get even more upset at that directing assistant!" "What a triumph for him to have sabotaged my production!" "Maybe you want me to have an abortion?" "No, not for the theatre, it's not worth it..." "But you said that..." "Nevermind!" "It was the director inside me that spoke." "The one who has the notion that his efforts should be meaningful." "Don't mind him, I'm sick of him myself!" "I'm seeing the head of the theatre tomorrow." " To give up the part?" " Yes." " Who is going to replace you?" " It's up to you..." "Karin or..." "I don't want anyone else!" "You were the whole point of this production." "It was you who..." "Now I've said what I was going to say." "What about the bracelet?" "It was just a bad excuse." "I don't want you to give up the part." "What about your aggressions?" "How am I supposed to live through them?" " I've already said that..." " There won't be a child." "You've already had an abortion?" " Last week." " Is it so?" "I want to play the part!" "I see." "My relationship with Johan has practically ended..." "So why did you tell me?" "I don't know." "I just did." "You wanted to see my reaction?" "Maybe I wanted to see you lose your face." " I lost my face." " Indeed!" "So your little joke really paid off." "Now I'm erasing that sad face." "Sometimes you remind me of your mother." "I'm sorry that I made you unhappy." "I don't like when you put on an act." "Are you sure that you can see through everything, are you never wrong?" " Not with you." " I wasn't putting on an act!" "You did a tender gesture, but you wanted to slap me." " It's not true!" " You are much like your mother." "If you say that I am like my mother one more time, if you say it one more time, I will leave." "You are truly much like your mother!" "I'll tell you something that will surprise you..." "Now you've made me curious!" "Johan admires you." "Surprising, no?" "Yes, that was surprising." "He had gladly been your assistant for "A Dream Play"." "He was terribly disappointed when you chose Eva." "I actually thought..." "Johan thinks that you have something to teach." "He was glad that I would be working with you." "And jealous!" "And then you got pregnant!" "I wanted the child." "He persuaded me to have the abortion." "Now I've suprised you twice!" "Indeed..." "I wanted the child... despite it wasn't Johan's, and despite that I wouldn't play in your production." "I was afraid that I never would have a child again." "But Johan persuaded me..." "So now I'm here..." "In your hand..." "And me in yours." "I've lived alone for eight years." "An old lady visits me three hours a day, she cleans up, cooks, washes the dishes and leaves." "I have some friends." "We talk politics and play chess." "My wife visits me when she pleases." "We spend the evening and night together." " We're quite attached to each other." " I will only come when you call for me." "A mean psychologist has said that the temperature of love can only be measured by the loneliness that precedes it." "I had imagined this differently." "We'd have our work, our rehearsals, the hours at the stage..." ""A Dream Play" and us!" "I'm sorry that I ruined your plans!" "I would share my experience with you..." "I give you identification, care, tenderness, from 10:30 am to 3 pm." "I make the audience love you, put you in a flattering light." "I protect you from yourself, I lead you with my hand and make sure you don't fall." "Between 10:30 am and 3 pm..." "No, no, don't touch me!" "I'm not of interest to you." "I am over with..." "Over with and almost outplayed." "I say this without coqueting." "I refuse to play in your drama." "It can only be ridiculous and humiliating." "No, no, of course not, not for you!" "What had you imagined?" "A drama of passion?" "A romantic adventure?" "Or maybe just some overtime acting?" "You already have a competent father." "You don't need another one." "Just before rehearsals began, I lost a front tooth." "I had cold sweats because of it." "Shall I appear before Anna Egerman with a gap between my teeth?" "She will find my repellant!" "A good dentist took pity in me and achieved a miracle." "I could perform with full authority and a new tooth!" "In my predicament, you always search for something repellant about the others, something insignificant that you can blow up, that you can take care of and that might be of help." "But I didn't find any of that in you!" "I was helplessly deserted!" "I've told myself over and over that you're too much like your mother," "I think that you can be both cruel and merciless." "I think that you're a good liar." "Not to get ahead but to manipulate." "I think you've planned me into your pattern." "Perhaps our affair would boost that lukewarm relationship with Johan!" "What do I know, I might be unfair." "Now there's not much more to say." "Yes!" "You could tell me I'm wrong!" "Could I persuade you?" "Do you even want to be persuaded?" "Don't take it so seriously!" "Only critics believe in an objective truth, while they coquet by claiming the opposite." " Put your hand against my breast." " No." "Now there are no more excuses." "A humorous fiasco..." "A miserable retreat..." "An absurd situation!" "If I were 10 years younger..." ""That's how it goes, my dear Ariel!"" ""That's how it goes..."" "You defend yourself badly!" "Yes, very badly..." ""If I were 10 years younger"!" "After a week, we started talking after the rehearsals." "We have to discuss the part, don't we?" "We'll go to the canteen and have a cup of coffee." "A chosen colleague comes with us as a cover." "Then we started to meet in my room." "We sit far apart, drinking mineral water and eating biscuits." "When you leave, we kiss." "One day, we talk about your troubled love affairs..." "You sell Johan and I happily buy him in your wrapping!" "A few days later, you arrive crying at the rehearsals." "When I ask what happened, you shake your head." "That day, we worked wonderfully together." "At 3, I ask you if you can have dinner with me at 7." "You look at me with sad frankness and nod." "You arrive... 15 minutes late!" "I've argued with Johan because we're having dinner!" "We have dinner, drink wine and talk about you all night long." "A 11, I drive you home." "Our relationship is sweet and full of promises." "I kiss your cheek and tell you to take care..." "You look at me with a mysterious smile and you shake your head." "Your eyes, your beautiful eyes are filled with tears." "A few nights later, we sleep together for the first time." "A first try, just for fun." "The experience leaves a feeling of sweetness and deficient satisfaction." "It tingles my curiosity." "Everybody knows, but nobody says anything." "Johan sneaks around, and receives attention from compassionate female drama students." "The atmopshere is euphoric, at times interrupted by violent but harmless thunderstorms." "When four weeks are remaining, crisis arises!" " What crisis?" " I'll tell you that." "One day, during the rehearsals, we are hit by an exchange of opinions." "About what?" "Probably some petty thing." "For four rehearsals, I have lost myself at the exact same place." "I am particularly bad there." "You get annoyed and say..." "I say:" "Read this passage for yourself one afternoon." "It's no use." "I've never understood what it says." "I've explained to you..." "I am stupid, but your explanations have only made it more puzzling!" "I suggest that you read the passage to yourself, loud and clear!" "It is a simple method when you persist in not wanting to..." " You're saying that I'm obstinate!" " I'm not saying anything!" "When we meet at the hotel later, you ask me for forgiveness." "You are wonderful, tender..." "Not at all!" "Quite the contrary." "My jealousy, that I've kept hidden for 5 weeks, erupts in a scene where I say all the idiotic things I've vowed to never..." "Now it turns out that I am much more jealous than you are!" "I start to rage over your beautiful and charming wife that has just visited you." "You didn't know that I knew and you are totally at a loss of words!" "You know me badly." "I was not mute at all!" "I offer you to end the affair." "I claim that I am too old for your childish fuss, and cover myself in melancholic silence." "It makes you unsure and your exit faltered." "For the first time, you see that I am surly, old and quite ridiculous." "You're about to execute me and you raise your knife to sting me down." " But you stop yourself." " Oh yes, Henrik!" "I am struck by motherly instincts." "Motherly instincts?" "Not at all!" "You think about your part." ""What will he be like if I destroy our relations?" "He might get back at me!"" ""What will the friends say?" "What a malicious pleasure!"" "You begrudge the friends that delight." "No, first première." "Then ending." "You lower the fatal dagger and start to cry." "I misunderstood your tears and try to console you... we end up in bed, an illusion of reconciliation, et cetera..." "You are mean!" "The last week is distressing." "We try to excuse ourselves." "Nobody listens, and we have hopeless monologues." "The temperature rises." "Dress rehearsal, lighting, costumes, masks..." "I feel inadequate!" "I want to be the part that you'd never forget, that would make it impossible for you to return to "A Dream Play"." "I understand that you are planning another production with another actress." " You never know." " There you go!" "I often cry." "You are tender and treat me as if I'd been struck by a deadly disease." "But you retreat..." "I am separating from the play, it is hell every time." "And I am separating from you." "Then comes our last night together." "After the dress rehearsal." "We have some glasses of wine and our emotions captivate us." "We hear ourselves speak of the future." "Other plans." "We talk about marriage!" "That we should have kids!" "We remind ourselves of long lasting marriages!" "All is sad... and almost over." "Something that is awkwardly obvious." " And when we meet?" " Friendly." "Johan is also involved..." "The three of us have dinner and talk about the miserable state of the theatre." "That's what was supposed to happen!" "Was it so absurd?" "No..." "No, it wasn't." "This conversation made me sad." "Really?" "You're not looking at me." "Look at me!" "I'm looking at you." "Damn!" "I've forgotten my rehearsals at the radio." "It was 3:30 pm!" "Blame me." "Tell them that Vogler kept you hanging." " Not a bad idea!" " Everyone will buy it." "I'll call and say I'm coming." "I'm staying here a while." "Can you hear the church bells?" "No." "My hearing is getting bad." "Couldn't you tell during rehearsals?" "A little, perhaps... no, I haven't." "Go and call them." "I don't want you to be sad." "My sadness has nothing to do with you." " You sure?" " I'm sure!" "I'll go and call them then, even though it's terribly unpleasant..." "What worried me the most in this moment, was probably that I couldn't hear the church bells."