"Even from an early age, I reckon I had a pretty good work ethic." "That's probably thanks to my parents." "But the problem is what you want is so often at odds with what other people want." "Like I'm not supposed to waste food but you know, awesome toy." "And if it's a choice between making people mad and not making people mad well I choose to make everybody happy." "Yeah, that's my motto I reckon." "Motto..." "Anyway my name is Emily and this is a true story." "#MY WEDDING AND OTHER SECRETS#" "When I was little I wanted to grow up to be R2D2." "Film director was like, backup." "So I guess you could say Star Wars turned me to 'the dark side'..." "Yeah, and here I am!" "Ok, you?" "Yeah, I'm here because of visionaries like Fellini, Godard, Kurosawa, although I'm constantly amazed how Spielberg and Lucas could plagiarise them and still be an 'inspiration' to some people." "Anyway, I want to direct feature films too, although let's face it, it'll be corporate training videos and wedding DVDs for most of this class." "OK everyone, find a partner!" "Line up!" "Hey have you guys..." "Typical." " Do you have a partner?" "No." " Can I be your partner?" " No." "I'm crap, I'm really, really crap." "At sports." " Why'd you come then?" "So what are you supposed to be?" "Zorro or something?" "My name... is Inigo Montoya you killed my father..." " You keelled my father, prepare to die..." "Let's go." "Concentrate." "Parry...riposte." "Are you alright?" " Yeah." "Concentrate, dammit!" "Hey!" "..." "My gosh!" "I'm sorry!" "Are you OK?" "Can you move?" "Say something!" " Do you wanna get something to eat after?" "YES!" " Cool." "ONE ORDER NUMBER FIVE BARBEQUE PORK WITH RICE!" "Pardon." "My folks are still down south, so I'm kind of like the wayward baby of the family..." "Me too!" "I'm the only one that didn't go to Medical School." "Like, my parents are "You get all these straight A's and you don't go to Medical School?" Yeah, both my sisters did." "What I really want to do is actually make computer games, like not waste my time doing Computer Science..." " Me too!" "I'm only doing Computer Science so my parents will let me take Film Studies." "Lollies are cool." " My god, me too!" "I mean, yeah!" "Except the yellow ones." " Why?" "As soon as it touches my tongue, my tongue swells up, and my throat closes up and I can't breathe." "And my face is... and then like bubbles of skin, like pustules, all over my body." "Really from yellow food colouring?" " Yeah." "Yellow food colouring, cashews, pistachios, pine nuts..." "Dogs, cats and dust exacerbate my asthma." "I have dust." " We can't do this." "Jelly and icecream is so cool." " Me too." "You have a..." "Bit of, icecream..." "Great, isn't that just... isn't this where I act all confused, and you have no choice but to reach out and wipe it yourself, or worse, move in and..." "Not worse." "Shit!" "Wait!" " See you later, bye!" " Where are you going?" "Look, I had a realy great time, really, truly great time." "But I gotta go!" "Hey, wait up." " What are you..." "Please, get back, get back." " Why?" "My dad's waiting around here to pick me up." "Hey, I know it's seriously uncool having parents but I forgive you." "Let's go say "Hi"." " Look, seriously?" "Maybe this isn't a good idea." "What?" " This." "Maybe this isn't a good idea." "I'm sorry, did I do something?" " No!" " It was my Gollum..." "No." " Wasn't it?" " No, no that was..." " Gollum!" "Pretty good." "Ok I have a sister Susan." "She, had this boyfriend called Danny, who was really nice but a little bit hippy-ish." "One of those militant bike riding types?" "He wasn't Chinese." "Anyway a bunch of really dumb stuff happened, and my dad ended up by telling her if she didn't break up with him, he would disown her." " What did she do?" "She broke up with him." "I'm sorry, I should have said something earlier but I didn't know how this could have all gone really, crappy and then we'd be OK." "But it so didn't and you should escape now." "I think it might be too late for that." " I'm serious." " I'm serious." "My dad won't like you." " He doesn't know me." " It doesn't matter!" "Look Emily, the thing is," "I don't want to scuttle the best and only date I've ever had, okay?" "We have to keep it secret." " Okay." "Really?" " Yes." "Really." "I don't know how to, kiss." "Me too." "OK?" "Yeah." "OK." "Bye!" "I'm not going to pick you up if you're going to be late." " OK." "Sorry." "It's probably time I got my license anyway." "Come on!" "Are we going to kill some undead or what?" "Not until you tell us why you're being weird." "I'm not being weird!" " Your cheeks are rosy." "Alright!" "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!" "What's her name?" "Where'd you meet her?" " Did you tell her about Dungeons and Dragons?" "He's white and he plays Dungeons and Dragons?" "He went all serious and was like "I need to confess something..."" "Can you believe it?" "So cute?" " Come on, she can't be our baby sister forever." "It's great, isn't it Jase?" " Can you not do that at the table Melanie?" "My advice?" "Dump him, get another IT geek like Jason." "Or get crazy and find a chartered accountant." " Or a bike enthusiast." "Wow." "Big one." " Last I heard he was waving his bum at Sydney motorists." "What?" " As a cycle courier?" "Clear the table!" " What now?" " I'm still full of noodles and icecream!" "What is this assignment, so important that you forget the time?" "I'm doing a presentation about kung fu films." "Jason, are you sure you won't have another one?" "Mrs Chu, how can I turn down your beautiful soup..." "So good." "You should open a restaurant!" "Sorry." "Indigestion." "Martial arts films are often a series of set pieces held together by an incidental 'story', a structure that they share with erotic films." "A fight begins with a gaze, a sizing up of the target followed by bouts of furious physical contact." "The opponents spring apart to catch their breath, but it's all part of the strategy of feints, false moves." "Trickery." "Nothing and no-one is what they seem." "In fact, hiding your intentions, deception and concealment are all part of the fun." "There are no rules, all's fair in love and war." "It's inevitable, as they come together again, redoubling their exertions with renewed vigour and intensified purpose, until they reach the ultimate climax." "Fighting is sex, pure and simple." "This is what I want to make." "Interesting." "Ambitious." "Sex and violence, that's original." " Excuse me?" "Are you okay?" "Ok." "That must be connected to the bulb urethral gland and..." "You look repulsed." "Are you repulsed?" "No." "No." "No." "What's that?" " It's not a push button Emily." "I didn't even push it that hard." " You don't need to push it hard, it's very sensitive." "Well I'm sorry!" "I thought it was..." "I don't know, an extra flap of skin or..." "No, no!" "It's not extra, it's very important!" "Both of them." "Where's the other one?" " He's right here." " Okay." "Sorry, okay I get it, it's your testes and..." "Row row row your boat gently down the stream" "Row row row..." " You're not supposed to stop and start." "You'll have to start again." " Row row row your boat gently down the stream" "Row row row your boat gently down the stream" " Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily..." "I have to go." " No." "No James, I really have to go." "I tell you, that blonde hussy had so many boyfriends before marrying Grant Cho" "Wai, Emily!" " Hi Auntie May." "Auntie Helen, Auntie Victoria, Auntie Esther." "Where have you been so late?" "With boyfriend?" " No." "I've been studying!" " Studying?" "With boyfriend?" " No!" "Just studying!" "Vincent doesn't have a girlfriend either..." " What about that girl I saw Vincent with?" "I managed to get some fresh New Zealand abalone." "You're lucky I didn't eat it all." " No that's OK." "You can have it." "I've have eaten already." "What did you eat?" " You know, something." "No, no I've been studying!" "I've..." "What?" "I've just been studying." "So, I really... really like your sister." "I'd really appreciate any advice?" "Get a different girlfriend?" " Susan!" " Just jokes." "First thing you need to know?" " Are you really voting National?" "What are your thoughts on the Green Party?" "Right." "Never talk politics..." " Wrong!" "Never talk anything!" "Don't engage." "Don't discuss." "Just defer, agree, respect." "I'm going to attack the guard with my dagger." "No D-4s, you don't have magic missiles!" "OK, so those go back on the table." " No!" "Those are mine!" "How old are you?" "Don't you just want to play the field?" "Susan!" "I'm just saying, it's weird." " It's nice that James knows what he wants." "But what if he doesn't?" " Yes behold the might of the golden dodecahedron." "We stopped using D12s in version 2." "Plus that's not an ogre and your character is actually on the other side of the board." "That's a Cockatrice." " Who actually ends up with the first person they go out with?" "Probability-wise." " What an awful thing to say!" "No seriously, like, what are the odds?" " James isn't like that..." "You've only known him for two minutes!" " I can see he's got a good heart." "Looks a bit geeky." " I am actually here..." " It doesn't matter, this is what Emily wants..." " Listen, just remember you're not thinking straight." "He may be blessed with cute cycling calves or whatever..." "We're not talking about you!" " All I'm saying is you better be sure because it's not going to be pretty." "Go in." "What are they?" "Hey look... my god." "I'll catch you guys up." "Emily." " What?" "I'll take that." "Sorry about the throw." "Phys-ed major." "Congratulations for a happy life together..." "Thank you, only doing it for the student allowance!" "But you have a lovely afternoon." "Students..." " Hi!" " Hi." "You' re looking well." "Man I haven't seen you since..." "Grant Cho's wedding." " Yeah." "Well, I better go, they only let me have half an hour!" " See you then." "OK." "Nice to see you." "And that was...?" " Vincent." "His mum Auntie May is like the worst gossip in town." " Nice save then." "Hey." "This is too important to jeopardise." "But not important enough for you to stay over?" "James, remember how we both agreed to keep this secret?" "Why can't you just say you're staying at a friend's house or something?" "I've packed your inhaler, your last one expired." "Are you sure there won't be boys?" "I better check with Mrs Parker." "They'd always say 'it's the Chinese way', but I don't know, I think it was just them." "Anyway, maybe it's not such a bad thing." "'Cos you know lesser men would have run away by now." "Well maybe I'm just lovesick and foolish." " Maybe." "He was totally checking you out by the way." "Jock lawyer, no thanks." "Anyway, it's the nerd-boys who get me all wet." "Thanks." "I read your project notes and I really admire your ambition, but there's no way financially 'stunt rigs' and 'weapons training'." "Eric's project is just two people in a room, and that's just fine." "Not to mention easier on the pocket." "Thanks but I'll figure it out." "Hey James, let's get married." "Really?" " What?" "You said yes." " No I didn't." "What?" " So I was thinking, why can't we get married to get the student allowance, why can't we do it?" "Because it's fraud?" " But it isn't, because we actually love each other!" "Yes, but..." " And the whole reason weddings happen is because these two people who love each other and want to be together, but then their family and friends come along and suddenly you've got fourth cousin Lily who you've never even met and this big, expensive, stressful party." "Yes, but..." " But what if you didn't tell your family and friends?" "'Cos then we'd have all the meaning of the marriage without all that unnecessary crap." "What about your parents?" " That's what I mean!" "Just because they'll never approve doesn't mean we can't do this for ourselves." "What?" "What does that mean 'they'll never approve'?" "Well until they realise that you're not going to go away!" "They don't even know I exist." "Yeah well this isn't about them, this is about us!" "My mum would definitely not be okay with us not telling your parents." "That's just it..." "we don't tell anybody." "This is something we do because we love each other." "And because you get the money to make some crazy film." "Yeah well you'll get the money to do your crazy games course." "I want to marry you because I love you!" "I love you, and... and you love me, and we love each other." "Sure there's perks, perks, love, love, perks, love and perks, perks and love." "Why can't we have both, why can't we just have this for ourselves?" "It would be a total secret." " Completely and utterly." "Look, this is your film, I didn't ask to help produce it..." "I can't do Thursday, I just can't!" " Why?" "Have you got to pick up your Princess Leia robe from the drycleaners?" "Come on, Saturday please?" " Tell me." "Is there a limited edition light sabre closing on Ebay?" " No..." "Thursday night vampire dress-ups?" " Look I..." " Kung Fu erotica swap-meet?" "I'M GETTING MARRIED, OK?" "It's a secret." "Eric, I'm serious, you can't tell anyone!" "Eric!" "Who am I going to tell, the paparazzi?" "My god." "This 'wedding' doesn't have anything to do with the fact that there's suddenly room in the budget for wires and prosthetic fangs, does it?" "Miss Girly Swot is actually defrauding the government..." "No it's not fraud, because I love him!" " Yeah?" "What's his name?" " James!" "Right so if you love James, then why the secret?" "Because my parents would never approve!" " My god!" "You're eloping?" "No!" "No!" "We're just getting married secretly!" "Gosh, I can't believe I'm telling you, of all people..." "What a great story." " Eric!" "This isn't a story, it's my life." "Yeah, yeah but you gotta admit, this would make an incredible film." "OK, OK." "Don't burst a vein, Chu." "Your clandestine secrets are safe with me, and the rest of the class." "You look great." " You scrub up pretty good yourself." "With this ring, I thee wed." "With this ring, I thee wed." "I now pronounce you husband and wife." "I love you." " I love you." "And I'm not just saying it because you said it first." " What?" "Like in the movies, when one person says 'I love you', and then the other person says 'I love you too', and it always seems as if they wouldn't have said it if the first person hadn't said it." "Like the second 'I love you' doesn't mean as much." "Emily, I didn't say it because I wanted you to say it, and I take it you said it because you meant it." "I did, and I do." "But like my dad, he hates the way on TV people always say" "'I love you, I love you' at the drop of a hat, to finish off conversations, like 'see ya, bye', 'I love you'." "Yeah but that doesn't mean it's worth less." "Sometimes it's nice just to hear it." "And it's not that hard to say." " Yeah I guess." "Emily... please stay." " James..." "Just for tonight." " I can't." "They'll find out." "This is so ridiculous Emily, we're married." "Being disowned isn't like being sent to your room, James." "But it wouldn't be forever, Melanie said..." " It doesn't matter!" "Imagine if your mum said that she wished you weren't her son, even for one minute, imagine what that would feel like?" "They wouldn't mean it." " If you continue to see that person, you are no longer my daughter." "Do you understand?" "I can't." "I love you." "Emily." "Have you eaten?" "Yep." "I've got to go." "So you're a chicken." " I'm not a chicken!" "This is a bind, a Catch-22..." "Please." "You have a choice, but you choose no choice because you're chicken." "Fine wise one, please, deign to advise me!" "Why don't you tell your parents about the boy and let me film it for the awesome true-life documentary "Emily's Foibles", or how about "Contrarily Emily", I'm partial to a mediocre rhyme..." "I'm partial to shut up, poo face." "Poo face, you came up with that all by yourself." "That would make an apt title for your kung fu sexapoloosa." "Eric help me get this damn chair out of here." "Watch out." "Well done." "Every time I see Eric I..." " So why work together?" "I don't know, 'cos the tutor's got a fetish for blood sport?" "Sorry." " It's ok." " Yay." "Cheers." "So, what's that?" " Duck feet, even better than chicken feet." "What about those things?" " Well that's tripe, and that's glutinous rice dumpling and this is the crab, it's a little bit tricky, but so worth the effort." "Soy chicken?" " Yes please." " Eww!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No no no, that's fine." "Not fine." "No way am I eating it." "You don't have to eat that, that's there for decoration." "Decoration?" "It's disgusting!" " James, it's there so that you know it's a real chicken." "Have this bit, it's the best part." "I'm sorry, its eyes are still open!" "They're baked open." "I can't eat with it staring at me like that!" " James, get hard!" "Seriously, can we just get rid of it?" " Please just stop playing with it." "What are you doing?" "Do you realise how incredibly rude you're being James?" "Just pick it up!" " No way am I picking it up!" " James!" "Pick it..." "Wai!" "Emily!" " My god, just sit down, sit down." "Do something." "Act normal." "Eat." "Don't look!" "What a nice surprise?" "Who is your friend?" "I'm James." "Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you too!" "Emily, say hello to your mummy from me!" "I have to go now, bye-bye!" "Bye-bye." "Is it really that newsworthy?" "Who cares if she saw us together?" "We're married!" " That's not the point." " Hey guys." "Want some cereal?" " Yes please." "We just had yum cha, and now you want cereal?" " I'm sorry, OK, I'm hungry!" "There's only so much cow tubing and duck's toes a guy can take alright?" "No way, they have all that webbing bit between..." "You're acting like I forced you to eat rubbish, when I ordered those things because they were the best!" "And because it was a special occasion." "And the worst thing isn't that you've turned up your middle New Zealand nose at the best Chinese cuisine, it's that you didn't even try!" " That's great Emily." "I don't try?" "You don't James, how have you tried?" " I try!" "Believe me Emily, I try!" "I try not to mind that our relationship is this secret, shameful thing;" "I try to understand how your parents have this magical power over an otherwise incredibly stubborn person!" "We haven't done anything wrong Emily I'm glad that that Auntie saw us, maybe now I can tell your parents how I feel about you which is that I love you!" "OK?" "OK." "Come here." "What's happening?" " Pride and Prejudice minus the irony." "I agree wholeheartedly." "He's coming." " We have your Dad's blessing." "Congratulations, Melanie!" " Mrs Chu." " Mrs Chu." "Thank you." "Jason is the master of suck-upiness." "He brought a ring for Melanie, and, no don't touch!" "...live crabs for my folks." "There was no way they could turn him down after that." "What if I got them live crab?" "Right, you won't even touch them cooked, let alone alive and clawing at your eyes." "So what's happening with the Auntie May situation?" "I dunno, I guess we got away with it." "You never watch rugby." " It's our national sport." "I didn't know you even liked..." " Unlucky. - ...rugby." "I gotta go." " Bye." " Bye." "Love you." "Hey!" "Perfect timing..." " Hi." "Here." "Tada!" "Thanks." " Well it's for Mel, when she gets in." "Mum wanted me to tell her to use the sheep's placenta mask every second day before the wedding." "For her dry skin." "And not to eat the cake, cos she might get fat." "And to remember who introduced her to Jason in the first place." "Don't shoot the messenger." "Well, I guess I should get going." " Yeah, I gotta finish my project." "Bye." " Bye." "Jesus, Susan!" "Are you okay?" "Danny's dead." "There was an accident." "I missed his funeral." "My god Susan." "Don't be silly, fresh fish is best eaten hot." "It's like I always said, bicycles are really unsafe." "Have you ever wondered, even for a second, what it would have been like to be with someone else?" " Like who?" "Someone easier." "Are we going to enter the mystic caverns of Morgroff or what?" " Sorry." "I'll switch rooms." " No no, I need to go." "Wish me luck." " Luck." "It'll be a masterpiece." " Yeah." "Bye." " Bye." "No my dear Jujaya, you are mistaken." "By the time I'm finished with you, you will be begging for death." "No wait, that's not even the best take!" "My god..." "It's always spurting." "I feel like I'm pissing out of my mouth." "I can't wait to see what we shoot tomorrow!" "Let's hear it again..." " Goddam mickey mouse piece of shit!" "And now the remix." " This whole thing is a godamn Micky Mouse, Micky Mouse," "Micky, Micky, Micky mouse piece of shit!" " You said it, snake man!" "Are you having fun, you smug shithead?" "I know it's a crap film ok?" "I GET IT!" "AND I'M SORRY IT'S NOT A MASTERPIECE THAT SATISFIES YOUR DISCERNING TASTE!" "Come on." "Plan B." "You better not be recording!" " But it's a documentary about you and me." "So you kinda have to be in it." "Can you please just put it down." "Stop recording." "Did you even think of asking me if I minded having a camera stuck in my face, let alone being projected 20 feet tall in front of hundreds of strangers?" "That's sweet, James, but I think you're overestimating the box office power of this film." "No-body watches student films." "Then why are you..." "IS THAT THE RECORDING LIGHT?" "I told you to turn it off." "Ok, ok, I'm turning it off." "Did you ever consider how I might feel about this?" "Or is it irrelevant?" "No, it's not irrelevant..." " It's just not as important as your grades, or your sudden best friend, Eric." " I'm not doing this because of that,..." "I'm doing this because this it's a great opportunity for me to make something with real meaning, real truth!" "Great and does this newfound attachment to the truth extend to your parents?" "It does, but I just..." "I just need to find the right time." "Okay." "The right time." "Well, when you find that time, Emily, I'll be in your film." "Mum, I have to tell you something..." "Sure, but after dinner?" "Emily, can you call everyone to the table." "Did I tell you about this Chinese wedding day custom that I want you to do?" " No." "Well, Jason's supposed to come here to see me, right, and the bridesmaids' job is to try and stop him and make him do things to prove his love." " Like what?" " Like, bark like a dog." "Or eat ten bananas or... the more humiliating, the better." "And then he bribes you with red packets and you let him through." "In my father's village there is a tradition, that if a younger brother wants to marry before the older brother, he is to buy that brother a pair of trousers." "So maybe you should buy Susan a dress so she will stop being so sad about not finding a husband!" "I cannot believe you just said that, Dad." "Have you even bothered to ask Susan if she's OK?" "You haven't have you?" "So long as she does exactly what you tell her to do, you don't even care about whether she's happy or not." "I'm in love with a white guy." "His name is James and it's serious." "I am aware of this." "You are?" "Why didn't you say something?" "I hoped you would come to your senses." " You hoped..." "Emily, I do not want to talk about it." "You hoped that we'd break up, or that he'd magically disappear somehow?" "So you wouldn't have to deal with your irritating guailo-dating daughter." "You want to be disowned?" " No, Dad, I don't!" "It's like you want to disown her!" "As soon as we do something you don't agree with, the first resort is disownment." "That's enough, Susan!" " Dad, you're being racist." "You think I am racist?" " Yes!" "When I come to New Zealand, I learn the New Zealand custom." "Is it too much to expect the same respect in my own house?" "Even my nurses know how to say 'Ni hao ma'." "Jason can't even speak Mandarin." " He doesn't have to, I can see he's Chinese!" "Jason already knows the correct way to behave." "So just because Jason is Chinese..." " Emily, listen to what I'm saying." "That guailo..." " His name is James." "Has he ever thought that if he made the effort to learn basic Mandarin," "I might agree to listen to listen to a proposal of marriage?" "Is this small courtesy too much to ask?" "Small courtesy, can you believe it?" "I'll do it." " What?" "I'll do it." "I can do this." " But, it's Mandarin." "Basic Mandarin." " Yes but, Mandarin, with crazy tones and a million different characters." " I got this." "Cereal breath?" "I love you." " I love you too." "James you fogged up my glasses with your cereal breath." "Teach me some Mandarin now." " There's only one person for this job." "Wo." " Wo..." "Wo..." "You're not trying, do you want me to help you or not?" "It just takes focus and determination." "I managed to learn a new language in just under six weeks." "Klingon is not a real language." " It is so!" "Today I come to city to have fun." "I rode my bike to..." "Che." " Che..." "No, 'che', you said 'che', which means... 'water passing through'." "Excuse me, do you like who Auntie?" "Thank you" "Sorry, do you like fruit?" "I have a boyfriend." "I most like tomato and watermelon." "We don't have any watermelons, try Foodtown." "Bye bye!" "Dui bu chee!" "Ok see you soon." "Eric can you..." "So, do you think he's up to it?" "The real question is do you really want him to be up to it?" " What?" "Is it possible that the thrill of sneaking around turns you on?" "Maybe you'll get your happy ending and realise it's not what it's cracked up to be." "Shut up, Eric!" "This is not one of your pretentious gritty dramas." "OK?" "You should exfoliate, you know that?" " Eric..." " OK I turn it off." "Finally." "What are you doing?" " Hiding." "Has he gone?" "Yes." " So how did it go?" "You're frowning." "Why are you frowning?" "What happened?" "I'm frowning because there's this guy with a camera sitting in the back filming me." "Tell me what happened!" " Well..." "James brought live crabs." "Please sit down." "Today I come to ask you for your daughter's hand in marriage..." "I promise I will forever love her and be good to her." "I hope to get your blessing for our marriage." "Please speak to me in English, because my Chinese is still at an elementary level." "Your accent is OK." " Really?" "Thank you!" "Maybe you should encourage Emily to learn Mandarin." "She can only understand Cantonese." "Really?" "Why?" "We speak Cantonese here." " I'm sorry?" "We are from Hong Kong, most Hong Kong people speak Cantonese." "But I learnt Mandarin." "And so you should, Mandarin is our national language!" "And now you are able to communicate with two billion extra people." " Wow." "You have my blessing for your marriage." "Thank you Dr Chu." "Thank you!" " In Chinese." " Thank you, thank you." "I can't believe it!" "Wow, very food!" " Very tasty!" " Very tasty." "This must be very different to what you have at home." " This is so good." "Well my mum always said try anything once." "Well, let's talk about your parents." "Well, my mum's in Dunedin, and my dad's in Nelson..." "They don't live together?" " No they're divorced." "It's not a big deal." "I was really little when it happened." "They married young." "Probably for the best." "Here try this." " No thank you." " It's the best part." "I'm not eating, you go ahead." "Excuse me." "Eat, eat." "What's happening?" "Here come the chicken." "Here." "Eat, eat, eat." "So, are we OK?" "Are we still... go?" "Yeah." "Yeah we are." "So can you stay over?" " No." "My parents believe in the whole not until marriage thing." "Sorry." "Hey, you did really good today." "Yeah thanks." "Mum..." "Mum." " I am not coming to your wedding." "Aren't you happy for me?" "Aren't you happy that I'm happy?" "Mum, I love him." "You think just saying love means love?" "Well I mean it." " You mean it?" "What you mean?" "You play with this movies..." " It's not 'playing'!" "Ever since you met this, this guailo..." " His name is James!" "You go out and eat junk food, you tell lies to me." "Did I teach you that?" "Yeah well what did you expect?" "Mum, what did you expect?" "If you wanted me to be such a good little Chinese girl and marry some nice Chinese boy then why did you leave Hong Kong?" "Your father chose this place." "Right." "Well I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you." "Do you want to come shopping with me for dresses tomorrow?" " No." "I have a deadline." "#I DIGITISED YOUR LAST TAPE, I ROCK!" "P.S, GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR ENDING." "ERIC#" "Is good?" "Eat slowly, slowly, slowly." "The thing is she was always there." "...everything that she's done is because she loves me." "Dictating what you can and can't do isn't love, it's a power trip." "No, this is just it, she really wants the best for me." "That's the whole young must respect old, wisdom thing, she has to protect me even if I don't get it." "That's the Chinese way." "Well if that's the Chinese way, I'm glad I'm not Chinese." "But... she really believes that she's doing the right thing." "What are you going to do when you're thirty?" "Are you still going to be living at home, sneaking around, pretending that everything is OK?" "What if we want to have kids?" "What's going to happen then?" "I don't know." "Cut." " That's not an answer." "Stop recording." "Please." "I can't believe it." "So where's my co-producer courtesy copy?" "One ahead of you." "Dickhead." "So, what's next?" " Work experience on Super Samurai Friends." "Getting back to my roots, kung fu fighting and explosions." "You?" "Internship at Video-Tastic." " Yeah, what do they do?" "Some corporate stuff." "But gives me time to work on my feature." " Right." "Anyway." "I'd better..." "Hey Eric." "Thanks." " You're welcome." "So how long are you going to suck up to mum for?" "As long as it takes." " What does that mean?" "It means I'm going to keep doing this until I know everything is going to be ok." "Yeah and how does that happen." " There's a moment." " Great." "No really." "There's a moment." "When Jason and I were first going out, mum caught me taking birth control pills... and I knew that she knew about Jason." "And she knew that I knew that she knew." "And she just stands there and says dinner's ready." "And right there I knew everything was going to be OK." "Like that was hard." " It was actually." "Look Em, we both know there are no magical moments for us." "If we have the misfortune or the lack of sense to fall for a dude who isn't Jason-esque, either way we loose OK?" "Because sooner or later a choice has to be made." "I'm ready." " We'll see." "So what do you think?" "Jeez Melanie, if that doesn't ensure the conception of a grandchild" "I don't know what will." " What!" " Lovely!" "Hi I'm Emily." "Chu!" "Hey." " You got in." " What?" "Your documentary has been officially selected for the International New Zealand Film Festival!" "No that's impossible because I haven't even submitted it to..." "Yeah well I am co-producer." " Eric, I can't." " Why?" "No-one wants to watch student films." " Come on, you've got to be kidding, right?" "You're not seriously planning to wave stop/go signs your whole life?" "And by the way, orange makes you look sallow." " It increases my visibility." "Why are you doing this?" " To try and show them that I made a film good enough for the country's most prestigious film festival." "Have you considered that if they did turn up for your film, they could feel exposed and embarrassed by it?" "Is that what you think my film is?" " No, I didn't say that." "You think my film is a cheap expose." " No, I don't, but the fact Emily, is that you secretly filmed your parents in private moments!" "You took your dad's home movies..." " Yeah but not to say anything bad about them!" "Can't you see how they could read that differently?" "How could they read it differently James?" "I say, explicitly!" "I say in my film how much I love them!" "I'm not comfortable being up there in front of all those people." "Come on James, everybody who's seen the film think you come off looking like a complete saint..." "I don't care!" "It's more than just this happy ending you've decided OK?" "And you're not even listening to me." "I don't want you to show the film not like this." "But it's important to me." " Emily, I know." "It doesn't happen often, but this is important to me too." "OK so you're pull the 'do it for me' card?" "God, don't you dare be glib." "Yes." "I'm asking you to do this for me." "Please Emily I really need you to do this for me." "But you're being ridiculous." "James?" "James!" "This is ridiculous!" "Just do this." " Eric can you please just stop fussing." " But it looks great." "It look great, yes it does, you've done your job well, thank you." "I'm just going to take a look." "No thank you." "Hi." "Hello" " Hi." "Hey Emily good luck." " Thank you." "Emily!" " Hey!" "You made it." "Head on up." " Hey look at you." "Thank you, we will have time for a couple of questions, who would like to be first?" "I just want to know, where is James?" "I want to meet this incredible young man of yours..." "Yeah, he's... shy." "He ducked out." "Sorry." " Next question?" "I just want to say good on you for sticking it to your parents!" "We're in modern New Zealand, not ancient China!" "No, no, that's not why I..." "Hi..." " Hi" "Is James in?" " No." "OK." "Can you make sure that he gets these, and the note inside?" ""Congratulations on your premiere"." " No, shit, not that one." "This one." "Well, that wasn't awkward." "#I'M SORRY." "I LOVE YOU#" "This is for you baby." "Sorry this is my fight." " Excuse me?" "Yep." "Let's go." " OK... fence!" "I'm sorry." "Okay." "I know this is desperate but I get how hard you fought for me, and now it's my turn to fight." "Can you say something?" "Please?" "Just say something, will you?" "My gosh!" "James!" "?" "Are you OK?" "Emily?" " James!" "James..." "I love you." "Emily, I love you too." "But it's not going to work." " But, I'm working on it." "Emily, you always say that." "I don't want to make you choose." "But I can't have you if you haven't chosen me." "I do choose you." " Then stay the night with me." "Stay with me every night, from tonight." "Why can't I choose both?" "I was going to send this, but you're here." "#DOCUMENTS FOR DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE#" "What's that smell?" " Shit!" "Shit!" "No no no..." "I thought I turned off the element before we left!" "I wanted it to be a surprise..." "Surprise?" " Open the windows!" " You could have burned down the house!" "I didn't ask you to cook, have you completely lost your mind?" " Grace." "Where did you get this?" "I saved up." "I know abalone was your favourite so I got it fresh for you and I wanted to make it" "because you always make my favourite, and I wanted you to know that I know that every time you do, every time I come home and you ask me if I've eaten," "every time you wait up for me you're really showing me that you love me, and I wanted to show you that I know that, and that I love you back." "Now you're just going to think I'm lying, and I'm just saying these things," "because I have to go to James to stay tonight." "Because I have to." "Mum." "Mummy." "Mum I want you to know that..." "I'm still going to call you, even if you hang up." "I'm still going to visit, even if you don't want me to," "because I'll always be your daughter mum," "even if you don't want me to be." "Bye mum." "Your last one has expired." "Have some soup before you go." "James, will you divorce me, and marry me again?" "I want to wish Emily and James many things." "Good house, good job, not so poor." "Most of all, I want to wish them a long and a happy and a wonderful marriage like ours." "Thank you Grace." "To the bride and groom." "Welcome to our first morning together and we have James eating his typical breakfast." "Excuse me, I mean for breakfast?" "Duck beak are a speciality." "You know how hard it is to debone one of these?" "You've got milk." " Where?" "Can't have a happy ending without a soppy kiss." "Can you do that again for the camera?" " No." "Cut."