"No." "Still dead." "Well, gentlemen, doesn't our young fellow look fantastic?" "Okay, down to business." "Drugs." "You got loads of them." "Give us some." " What do you want?" " What have you got?" "God's, ups, downs, hash, Black Moroccan, A's heroin, Charlie, speeds, acids." " I think I'll have a gram..." " And grass." "I'll have a gram of cocaine." "Get your hands off!" "Fuck." " Hello." " What the fuck do you want?" " Was that your boyfriend there?" " Yeah." " What is he like?" " He's an asshole." "What do you care?" "What are you doing for the rest of the night?" "What's it to you?" "Do you want to come back to my flat for some coke and some sex?" " Okay." " Great." " Is that your car, lads?" " Are you joking?" "We wouldn't buy a car like that." "It's a fucking woman's car." "What are you doing hanging around the north side, Jonathan?" "You know, this and that." "Bit of shopping." "Seeing the sights." "Burying my father." " Really?" "He's dead?" " He's dead." " What did he die of?" " He drank himself to death." "Are you heartbroken?" "You know, I'm glad he finally got it together." "So the doctor says to him, "You've got to stop your drinking." ""Your liver will fucking give in." "You know what I'm saying?"" "He goes home and he celebrates with a bottle of Bushmills." " Some way to go!" " Are you taking the piss?" " I never joke about death." " You are taking the piss." "Am I?" "Wait here." "I'll be back in a second." " 'Morning." " You're not as cute as your brother." "Thanks." " It's a beautiful morning out there, Mikey." " She's asleep." "It was a great funeral, wasn't it?" " What's the matter?" "Have you slept?" " Yeah, I went to bed early." "I want the ashes." "I want to take them away." " What are you talking about?" " I want the fucking urn thingy." "I want to take it home with me." "What are you shitting on about?" "It's 5:00." "Mikey, she's asleep." "Come on." "I'm not going to give you the urn, okay?" "Look." "Why don't you get a couple of hours sleep here and we'll all have breakfast then, okay?" "Do you have pancakes?" "Yes." "I will make you some..." " Is he going to be all right?" " Yeah, he'll be fine." "He's been a lot better the last few months." "He'll be grand." "Listen." "I'm sorry." "We'll see you." "We're going for a spin." "I'm going to have to ask you to get out here." "What?" "I have to ask you to get out of the car." "I'm sorry." "What are you talking about?" "I have to ask you to get out of the car now." "I'm sorry." "Please." "You're serious." "If you want to kill yourself  you can't go wrong if you drive a convertible car  over a cliff at 50 miles an hour." "That's a sure thing." "I broke my baby finger." "No seat belt." "The police said if I had been wearing my seat belt I would have broken my neck." "Under the threat of a prison sentence for the stolen car  I opted for three months as an inpatient  in a psychiatric hospital." "The good thing about going into the madhouse now  is that my stay would run right over the Christmas season." "For as long as I can remember, I wanted to spend Christmas  in a suburban mental institution." "The group session you'll be attending is a small one." "It's made up of four people about the same age as yourself." "Most of them have been with us a month or so." "They're doing quite well." "I'm sure you'll all get on very well." "Here's your room." "Well, I'll take it." "There's a special room for patients called the recreation room." "You've got your Velcro-tipped darts, cards, the telly  and a kettle that stops boiling when the water is lukewarm  so you can't kill yourself by pouring boiling water on your head." "Look at that animal." "Yeah, he's nice." "I had a cat once." "But it got its head stuck in a tin of cat food I'd left on the counter." "It was stuck for 10 hours by the time I'd come back." "I'm sorry." "Must have been horrible for him." "All that time in the dark trying to breathe, bumping into walls." "That's sad." "But he's okay now." "Just a little edgy, but he's fine." "Okay." "I'll see you later." "What's that for, lads?" "Thanks." "You don't feel like talking?" "Okay." "We'll leave it for today." "My therapy sessions are at 12:00 every Tuesday and Thursday in Room 13." "You're required to attend." "I've been through your file this morning." "I'm sorry about your father." "You're woken at 7:30 sharp." "A good hour after you got to sleep." "Excuse me." "Why are you dressed like that?" " What?" " Why are you dressed like that?" "What are you talking about?" "You're an inpatient, aren't you?" "No civvies." "P.J. s only." "I'll have your clothes." "There is nothing as comfortable as wearing secondhand pajamas  that previously belonged to a very short person." "Excuse me." "Is this the way to Dr. Figure's office?" "You're in the right direction." "Head through those blue doors." "He's at the end of the corridor on the second floor." "Goodbye." " Hello." " Hello." "Are you two patients here?" " No." "We're doctors." " Okay." "I'll see you." " I like your slippers." " Thanks." "Do they bite?" "I don't know." "Why don't you put your hand down there and find out?" "Well, they're nice." "Do you want a game of pool sometime?" " When?" " Whenever." " I don't play pool." " I'll play you." "Yeah?" "I was actually more interested in having a game of pool with the young lady here." " No offense." " Fuck you." "How about table tennis?" "Can I give you the telephone number of my room?" "No." "Come in." "I want to talk about the whole pajamas thing." "What's the problem?" "The problem is I've been forced to wear pajamas in the middle of the day." "It's health board regulations, to distinguish you from day patients." "It's fucking ridiculous." "They took my clothes." "They're too small." "I look like an idiot." "You look fine, Jonathan." "Everyone is wearing them." "We can look at these sheets in a moment." "So, therapy sessions." "Three times a week at 2:00." "This must be the nutcase class, is it?" "Come in." "Grab a seat." "We're getting started." "Fantastic." "I haven't missed anything, have I?" "This is Jonathan Breech, everyone." "He's joining our group." "So, why don't you all introduce yourselves?" " Rachel." " Toby." "That's Leslie and Nick." " No, you haven't missed anything." " Well, that's good news." "Yeah, my name is Jonathan Breech, and I'm 19 years of age." "And I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks to all I learn about everyone." "But more importantly, about myself and my own problems." "Thanks." "Next?" "We've all been together here as a group for a few weeks now and we've been sharing our thoughts, so..." "Let me just ask you how you feel at the moment and whether there's anything that you feel you want to tell us." "She's cute." "Do you have a boyfriend?" "That'll be a "no," then." "Okay." "Let's just look at this list then, shall we?" "On your sheets, you'll see a list of situations that some people find difficult, things we're somewhat afraid of." "I don't know about you." "Doctor, I don't know about him." " It's okay, Nick." "He's a patient." " I wouldn't trust him." "It's fine." "Fine." "What I want you to do is to tick off any of these items here that particularly trouble you." "Excuse me." "Filling out forms really scares me." "That's okay, Toby." "You can just leave it." "It's not that important." "No, I was joking." " You're funny." " Thanks, Doctor." "Actually, it was quite funny." "All right." "I'm out of here." "See you." "You're not going to help yourself by running away, Jonathan." "No, you know, you're right, Doctor, no." "Why don't you show us how it's done?" "Tell us a bit about yourself." "What scares you?" "I want to know if there's anything in particular that worries you." "I'd be happy to go through it with you sometime if you're really interested, but we're not here to talk about me." "You know what I mean?" " Sounds like denial to me." " No, it's not denial." " Now you sound angry." " I'm not angry either." "Sometimes it's good to be angry." "I don't think it's an appropriate conversation for the group." "Fine." "If you don't feel comfortable talking about it." "But I believe you said I was running away." "Yes, and I think that's what we should be addressing, if anything." "You're trying to deflect the whole discussion onto my problems." "And now you sound paranoid, like Nick there." " What did you say about me?" " I said nothing." "How did you hear that?" "I hear everything." "Don't you be talking about me behind my back." "I have enough on my plate!" "This has been a wonderful session for me." "I've learned loads about everyone and I'm almost ready for the outside world again." "So, thanks, Doc." "Same time tomorrow." "I'll see you." "You think I'm cute?" "You think I'm cute?" " Don't call me cute." " But you are cute." " You're cute." " You think I'm cute now?" "What?" "You want to play?" "Come on." "Now you're fighting." "You think you're so tough." "Do you think I'm cute now?" "I have to go back to therapy." "I'll see you later." "You like that Rachel one, do you?" "I don't know." "She's beautiful, isn't she?" "She's very complicated." "Anyway, I'll see you around." " Does she play all the time?" " Pretty much." "That's the thing about these places." "You think you're doing something noble by encouraging her to play the piano." "When she doesn't end up getting better, you stick her in front of it all day." "Then you forget about her." "How long has she been here for?" "Two years." " Two years." "The road to recovery?" " Some people just don't get better." "That's very frank of you, Doctor." "The board of directors won't be pleased to hear you admitting that." "And tell me, do you see me getting any better?" "You're more talkative today." "I'm just fucking bored with this place." "If we weren't mad to begin with..." "So what's troubling you, Jonathan?" "That's a real standard textbook question, isn't it, Doc?" " Is it?" " When you're a psychiatrist who wears corduroy pants and that jumper and no tie and drives an old Saab." "Is that yours?" " Yeah." " The old Saab." "You expect something a little more original than:" ""What's troubling you, Jonathan?"" " Do you?" " I thought you'd be the laid-back social worker type who'd offer me cigarettes." "Because you're very laid-back." "Very Robin Williams." "I thought that we'd be bonding and hugging and stuff." " You want to talk about your father?" " You want to talk about yours?" "What would you do if you were allowed home for the afternoon?" "Get a decent cup of coffee, then chop my head off with a chain saw." "Okay." "Just one thing." "I wanted to propose something." "It's like a pledge between doctor and patient." "We nominate a day, like three weeks from now like New Year's Day and you mustn't harm yourself until that day." "You have to stick to it." "What do you think about that?" "Yeah, I think it's a fucking ridiculous idea." " It's been known to work." " It won't work." " Might." "Why don't you think about it?" " Okay, hang on." "I've thought about it." "Fuck, you made a good breakthrough." "Well done, Doc." "Okay, we'll talk about it more after the session." "You've given me the will to live, and I want to thank you for that." "After that, I'll show you the benefits of being more sparing with your sarcasm." " Okay?" "See you." " Fuck you." "So let me tell you about this pledge thing." "See, Dr. Figure was a "no medication" type of guy." "And all the hard-core suicidals in his group, now including myself  had agreed not to kill or hang themselves before January 1." "Can you imagine someone dead hanging from the light fixture in their room  thinking, "If my doctor finds out about this, I'm fucked"?" "You did get privileges if you signed it though." "Going to the shops or to the pub across the road." "Not that I needed that because Toby had been slipping out for weeks." "So I promised to buy him a drink, and he took me with him." "Hang on a second." " Cheers." " Let's get a seat." "You spilled my drink." " It was an accident, all right?" " Yeah, but you could apologize, you know." "Not tonight, kids." "Fucking unbelievable." "All right, boys." "Lads, lads, lads." "Do you remember when you were coming back from the ladies' there and you bumped into my buddy here, you know?" "And he dropped his drink, and he didn't get to drink any of it." "It would be a gas if you said sorry to him." "You see, that was an accident, you know?" "I mean, call the police." "It doesn't seem to be bothering your girlfriend there." "So why the fuck is it bothering you?" "A little fucking spanner." " No, lads, you're right." "I'll get another one." " We'll pay for it, okay?" "It's fine." " Our pleasures." " Have a good night." "Take care." " No hard feelings, okay?" " No worries, man." "Take care." "All the best." "Fuck!" "You fucking punks!" "Bugger you!" " I got a fucking stitch." " A stitch is okay." "Keep going." "But these fellows, they're very bad at chasing." "Let's go over here." " So why are you at the sessions, Toby?" " Now you want to talk serious." "Okay, fuck it." "I killed my brother in a car accident." "How about you?" "I don't know." "I've never been properly diagnosed, you know." "I did drive a car off a cliff a couple of weeks back." " Fuck off." " Yeah." "Are you serious?" "You mean, like totally over a cliff?" "And you survived?" "What was it like?" "For the first five seconds, it was fairly interesting." "Fucking "A," I'd say so." "That's brilliant." "Well done." "I've got to try that after my pledge date." " For fuck's sake!" " Come here, you pair of fucking spanners!" "We only want to have a word with you." " Hi." " Hi, there." "What are you doing here?" "How did you get out of your ward?" "Aren't you happy to see me?" " So, where were you?" " I was out with Toby." " What do you think of him?" " I like him." "He's a very nice guy." " Did you have a thing with him?" " Toby?" "He's sweet." "You didn't answer my question." "I don't know." "Toby is hard to read, you know." "Sometimes I think he likes me." "I don't know." "What about you?" "What do you think?" " Was your father in today?" " Yeah." "How did you know?" " Did he admit you here?" " Yeah." "So he's Irish." "Yeah, he's Irish." "My mom was American." " And do you live in America?" " I did." "I moved here six months ago." " And where's Mom?" " She's dead." "I'm sorry." "Why are you standing over there?" "Come and sit down." "So are you doing that pledge thing?" " Yeah." "Are you?" " Yeah." "Toby, too." "Yeah, New Year's Day." "It's a great idea, I think." " I like it." " Really?" "I don't know." "Gives me something to think about." "So you tried to kill yourself." "Why did you want to die?" "I don't want to die." "I don't want to be alive." "Are you afraid of dying?" "Not for the few seconds it takes to kill yourself." "Lie on top of me." "Leave your pants on, don't ask questions, and no exchange of bodily fluids." "You can take off your shirt." "Don't stop." "Don't stop." "I'm just fucking wriggling, really." " Whatever it is, don't stop." " Okay." "I won't stop." "Oh, God!" "What the fuck is the matter with you?" "You're just..." ""I'm singin' in the rain" ""Just singin' in the rain" ""What a glorious feeling" ""I'm happy again" ""I'm laughing at clouds"" "Have you got tickets for the Christmas raffle?" "No." " Do you know where I can get them?" " No." "That's not much good to me." ""Let the stormy clouds chase" ""Everyone from the place" ""Come on with the rain I've a smile on my face" ""I'll walk down the lane" ""With a happy refrain" ""Just singin' in the rain"" "It was at that moment that I decided to keep the pledge." "Don't ask me why." "Once every two weeks, there's bowling." "That's where we're encouraged to mix with the rest of society  and behave like normal people." "All right, lads." "Get your shoes." "Let's go." "Be sure you get the right sizes." "You're very bad at bowling, Toby." " We should do something this weekend." " Like what?" "Have a darts championship?" "I've had enough of fucking broken rubber darts." "I mean, do something." "Driving Miss Daisy is on the telly." "We can invite some of the lunatics from the high-risk ward." "It could be a laugh." "How do you ever hear with that stuff blaring in your ears?" "Shut up." "I was starting to like you." "Don't blow it." "But we should do something." "I mean, go drinking or take some drugs." " What if we get caught?" "If we get caught, fuck it." "We just lose a few privileges." "We'll round up a load of loonies and head off to the country." "We could have a party in my flat." " Where do we get the people?" " These are our people." "We'd hand out the address to lots of day patients." "Say there's free gargle." "They bring their mates." "Everyone wants to do something on New Year's Eve." "Fuck!" "No, I'm telling you." "The whole thing is fucking wanks and gays." " Bowling is shite." " You shut the fuck up!" "I'm on the edge." "Wednesdays are visiting days." "I really look forward to them because my brother comes in." "And he's fantastic." "I saw you with your brother today in the garden." "What kind of a relationship do you have with him?" "Did you ever see that Marx Brothers sketch where Chico was asked:" ""You love your brother, don't you?" And he says, "No, but I'm used to him."" " I like the Marx Brothers." " I like the Marx Brothers, too." "So you have a history of male depression in your family." "He's been giving you the old rundown, has he?" "He's great, that Mikey." "I have a history of male depression in my family." "So what?" "How do you think it's affected you?" "Your mother died when you were 10." "Do you think that's why your father killed himself?" "Or was he suffering from hereditary depression?" "I don't know." "I suppose after all these years of loneliness he finally saw the light, call it what you want." " I'm proud of him." " What about yourself?" "On the road." "Did you see the light?" "I don't want to talk about what you see at a moment like that." "It would scare the wits out of you." "If I could describe it, if I could do justice to it we'd all be jumping out the windows." "Up until recently, cutting yourself was enough." "That's just a matter of letting a little air out of the tires." "Doesn't work anymore though." "I can talk about this until the cows come home, Doctor." "I know more about the business of suicide in my baby finger than you do in all your years of training and Freud reading." "I guaran-fucking-tee you that." "I know you do." "Have you ever heard of people, seeing their own blood and then getting excited?" " You mean sexually?" " Yeah." "Yes, I've heard of it." "Is it for real?" "Yes, it's very real." "Why are you interested in it?" "Be careful, Jonathan." "What do you mean?" "What I say." "Doctors discourage relationships between suicidal patients in hospital." "I mean, you wouldn't fucking blame them, but..." "Well, they go along with them up to a point." "But once either party becomes seriously attached  they become worried, because when the inevitable breakup comes  the person left behind is in twice the danger." "So you have to be more careful with people inside  because they take you more seriously than people on the outside." "You can't fuck around the way you normally do." "Guess who?" "It's you." "Gosh!" "You know, I'm so happy to see you." "I haven't stopped thinking about you all day." "So is it okay if I walk with you through these beautiful gardens of ours?" "Sure." "Why not?" " How's the arm?" " Fine." " It's all bandaged up." " Good." " And how's your hand?" " What about my hand?" "It was just that it kept hitting off my face." " I was just wondering if it was okay." " Right." " Yeah, it's fine." "How's your face?" " Fine." "It's fine." "We should stop talking about our wounds." "That could take all fucking day." "Anyway, it was my ego that was bruised, not my face." "Why?" "Why?" "I don't know why." "There's a girl in the high-security ward who cuts open her abdomen takes her intestines out and plays with them." "They stitch her back up." "Week later, she does the same thing." "She's really lovely." "Why don't you go figure her out?" "Now, you see, I haven't met her." "And she didn't come and slap me out of the blue for no reason." " I don't need your help." " I'm not trying to help you." "Just take care of yourself." "You know what?" "Fuck it." "You want to come up to my room for some autoerotic asphyxiation?" " Yeah?" "Now?" " Yeah." "I got some hook-eye screws." "We could hang ourselves, I could smack you around a bit." " Give you a good time." " That's a fabulous idea." " That'd be fun." " Maybe tomorrow." "I can't wait." "Do you want to know what I think we should do?" " You want to hear it?" " Yeah." "Is it dirty?" "It's disgusting." "I think we should go sometime and get some ice creams." " Just the two of us." "Get some fresh air." " Sure." "Sure." " I'll buy you an ice cream." " Okay." "Call me." "I'll be in my room." "I'll be waiting for your call." "Call me." "Myself and Toby's breakouts became a regular weekly thing." "He'd always take me with him." "We both agreed that a big Christmas party  outside the hospital was an excellent idea." "Toby decided to take a trial run." "He swore that he could hot-wire any car in under 10 seconds." "It's fucking beautiful, isn't it?" "Let me tell you something about my brother." "He was in the hospital for a month after the accident." "He was just wasting away." "We all knew he was dying." "He was on a machine and everything." "I think if I'd lost anyone else, it wouldn't have been so bad." "I think I can handle death and missing people, and that." "What I don't understand is that there were a few basic simple things I wished I could have told him before he went." "Like the fact that I loved him." "And that I never went a day without thinking about him or talking about him to people." "And since then, the image that sticks in my head is that over the month in the hospital I couldn't get it together enough to tell him those things." "I always thought I'd say them in the end." "And one night, the nurse brought him in a cup of tea and he had a few sips of it." "And I went out to the toilets." "And when I came back in he was a dead man." "All the family and friends around him, and all the tears and..." "My elbow touched off his cup." "And there was still heat in it." "And that, it totally fucked me up, you know." "I mean, the idea..." "It was his tea, you know." "It was his tea, and it was still warm, and..." "It had outlived him." "It was his tea." "A plane is coming into Dublin Airport there." "Full of people." "I wonder if it'll crash now." "Safe and sound." "Fuck, I'm sorry." "I don't know why I'm talking about this." "We'll go back." "It's fucking freezing in here anyway." "Wanks!" "Hey, pal, give it up, will you?" "You're embarrassing yourself." "I'm getting better, lads." "Don't worry." "Wanker." "Are you trying to start a fight?" "Chill out, honey." "What are you, a homosexual or something?" "No more than you're a dickhead." "You're distracting us, you northern fuck, you." "We're trying to play here, and you're fooling around." "You're in my fucking peripherals." "Mind your own business." "He's not bothering you." "Shut the fuck up, you ugly mutt, you." "What did you say to her?" "Forget it, Toby." "Just bowl." "You're a wise man." "It's a fucking strike!" "Did you see that?" "That strike." "You're going to have to die for that now, you prick!" "What's your problem?" "Do you want to fucking get involved in this too?" "If you want to get at him, you're going to have to go through me first." "But bear with me, while I try and explain something to you." "Come on." "Come on." "Give it to me in the fucking neck." "But listen very carefully first before you do." "Whatever you do to me, I'll have enough energy to come back and get one in at you." "And as sure as I'm standing here, I don't give a fuck what happens to me." "You'd better kill me with your first shot." "If you don't, I'll come back and take your fucking head off." "Give it to me in the fucking neck." "Come on." "Come on, you wanker!" "Dean, leave it." "He's from the hospital." "Yeah." "Jonathan, come here a second." " That was a close call." " I suppose." "What if he'd gone for you?" "Doctor, he'd have been doing me a favor." "You're trembling." "Do you really believe that, or are you just saying it?" "I felt it at the time." "What about now?" "Isn't it a relief to be alive?" " How's it going?" " It's good." "How are you?" "I'm okay." " I wrote another poem, you know." " Yeah?" " I like your poetry." " Thanks a million." " Do you want to hear it?" " Yeah." "It's called The Demons." ""Deep within these flesh walls" ""A raging monster screams" ""The pain is felt when I'm asleep" ""And fills my every dreams" ""To overcome the demon within" ""I found a light that shone" ""And called out loud and guided me" ""That light inspired me on" ""When darkness falls across mine eye" ""A light within does shine" ""And helps me when the demon screams" ""That light to me" ""sublime"" "That's it." " What do you think of it?" " I like it." " It's good." " It's not bad." "Is it for me?" "Not necessarily." "I'm going to the toilets." "I'll see you around." "I didn't really have to go." "I hope I didn't pressure you in the past." "No." "I mean..." "You're not like that, you know." "You're what my mom would call "a perfect gentleman."" "Come here." "I'll see you around." " Hi." " Hi, there." " Were you out for the day?" " Yeah." "I was with my dad." "How is your dad?" "What are you doing later?" "Think I'll catch a show." " Do you know where my room is?" " Yes, I do." "How was today?" "It was fine." "I didn't enjoy it really." "Your dad, how was he?" "I don't know." "I don't understand him." "We went home for lunch today." "I haven't been there in ages." "There are these cliffs 10 minutes from my house." "Used to go there when I was a kid." "Last time I was there I was 7 and had a picnic with my mom." "It was nice and sunny." "We took a nap on the blanket, I had my head on her stomach and I could feel it moving up and down with her breath." "We decided to go home." "She wanted to walk along the cliffs." "I don't know." "She just lost her footing." "She just went over." "No sound, no scream." "And I looked over and I could see her on the rocks below, all curled up like she was taking a nap." "Nowadays I have this dream that I'm back at the cliff and I'm looking down, and I can see her curled up still there, sleeping." "And I want to get down to her." "But I can't figure out how." "Then I realize I could just jump." "So I jump." "But it's not like falling." "It's..." "I just float down." "And then I'm with her, and I have my head on her stomach." "And I can feel her breathing." "And it's..." "It's so warm and nice." "And then everything just fades away." "And where was your dad that day?" "I don't know." "I think, work." "He blames himself?" "I don't know." "You know, he loved her so much." "A daughter is a poor substitute for a wife." "You couldn't be a poor substitute for anyone." "Thanks." "It's nice of you to say." "You should go back to your room now." "They do a walk-around at midnight." "I'll see you." "I could talk to you, though." "Yeah?" "Good night." " What does that mean?" " It means:" ""Say your prayers and sleep well," in Irish." "It's nice." "My dad used to say that to me every night." "Do you miss him?" "I miss him saying that to me." "You miss him." "Not as much as you do, by the sounds of that dream." "Good night." "All good escape plans start by acquiring the wheels." "Something fast and discreet." "Rachel suggested her dad's house as a venue for our party." "He'd be away, so we'd have the run of the place." "By giving out the address to the day patients  news of the party would spread like wildfire." " What's the story?" "Who we waiting for?" " Our hostess for the evening." "She said she'd bunk out around 10:00." "We spiked the guard's flask with a cocktail of stolen medication." "Happy New Year." "Come on." "Let's go for a downer." " There's something I want to say." " Yeah?" "I'm totally pissed, so..." "Fuck it." "I'm just going to say it." "I've regretted not saying things in the past." "I just want to say that, although we have some shite in common you're not in my ballpark." "That's all I want to say." " What are you fucking talking about?" " I just wanted to say that." "You're not what people think you are." "I mean, you're not even close." "I'm close." "I'm everything they say I am." "I am the genuine fucking article." "I am telling you now." "Don't get fucking cornered by other people and what they expect you to do, you know." " I'm drunk." " You are." "That's all I've got to say." "You're the fucking man." "You're the fucking man." "Fuck the begrudgers." " You know, just fuck them." " Fuck them." "Let's go bring in the New Year." " You're the fucking man." " You're the fucking man." "You are the fucking man." " Why won't you kiss me?" " I am." "Why won't you kiss me properly?" "Because I'm unusual." "You don't want me?" "Listen to me." "I want to make love to you." "I'd just like to start with a proper kiss." "Ten, nine eight seven, six, five, four..." "You can never know what was going through a person's mind  at that exact moment." "If they survive, they'll never tell you." "If they succeed, all you can do is spend the rest of your life guilty  because it might have had something to do with you." "Your only concern can be for the people they leave behind." "They're the ones to look out for." "And what is Rachel's dad going to do?" "I don't know." "We'll see." "She's so vulnerable." "What's going to happen to her, Doc?" "What's going to happen to you?" "I can only help people who are really sick." "Even then, half the time it doesn't work." "Who's going to help you?" "What are you looking at?" "Nothing." "Are you blind?" "You have to be looking at something." "I know what's going on in your mind." " Do you?" " Yes." "What are you hanging around here for, standing at windows?" "Anyway, this is my window really." "Everyone knows that." "I've been here for years." "Security?" "There's a young guy, just stolen a bike." "He'll be heading for the main gate in a minute or two." "Yeah, a push bike." "He's wearing a green coat and a hat." "Let him through." "Okay?" "It's beautiful here." "You can't take this all on your own." "So are you all good now?" "Too many near-death experiences." "You're beginning to think twice." "Do you want to know the truth?" "If it's a matter of life and death between people like you and me then I want to outlive you." "And I want to see what happens to you because I like you." "I can't." "What if we are still together in a year?" "Would we be?" "I see it happening." "I don't know." "So, you think you love me?" "I know I love you."