"Hey, guys." " Turn around." " Turn around!" " We're not eating here." " Not eating here!" "Okay, okay, clearly you're mad." "You're doing that repeating thing." "Last time I saw you this upset was when you found out they didn't make light-up sneakers in adult sizes." "Uh, they have the technology." " But this is serious." " Very serious." "We are never eating here again." "Ever." "This restaurant is racist." " Racist?" " Ever?" "We were waiting to be seated, and this group of four people, all white..." "And he's only saying that because it's relevant to the story..." "Show up and got seated immediately." "Then another group of white people..." " Also relevant." " Come in and get seated!" "When you're with us, that never happens." "You're white." "Which, I'm guessing is..." "Relevant to the story!" "Whoa." "We only know of this place because of you guys." "I mean, the owner should know what just happened in his restaurant." "It is unacceptable." "We're all part of a society!" "You're damn right, Mitchell." "Yeah, we should just go somewhere else." "Anywhere else." "Let's get some ribs." "I already had ribs today." "Seriously?" "I'm not letting this go." "I'm going back in there." "Babe, babe, not when you're like this." "If you go in there, even though you're right, you're just gonna look like the angry black man." "Well, maybe it's just me, but racism makes me angry." "Yeah, Russell, I am all over this." "Yeah?" "Hell, yeah!" "This white guy is gonna make them wish they got the angry black guy." "Tear 'em a new one, Mitch!" "I live to tear new ones, Angie." "Excuse me, I'm here with my wife and..." "We'll seat you right away." "Well, actually, there's four of us and..." " Party of four?" "Done." " Stop trying to seat me!" "I have a problem;" "I need to speak to the owner." "I'm the owner." "Can I help you?" "Well, I don't know if you can, because something just happened in your restaurant that is completely unacceptable!" "Okay, sir, there's not need to yell..." "And yet, there is!" "Oh, I'm sorry, are you worried that everyone is going to hear me?" "Because you know what?" "Everyone should hear." "Where do you get off..." "Making the most delicious fish tacos I've ever tasted?" "You, sir, are an artist." "You paint with fish." "You are a Picasso!" "Or that Mexican artist that escapes me, the unibrow lady?" "Evita?" "Get him, Mitch!" "Look at him go!" "Yeah, I could do ribs again." "And you've done the impossible." "You've turned me on to flan!" "Is it "flan" or "flon"?" "Either way, I love it!" "We all love flan." "Are they applauding?" "He's killing it." "Is the guy giving him flan?" "I'm not eating guilt flan." "More for me." "Oh, my God, you won't believe what happened." "It was incredible." "Baby, you were amazing." "I mean, we couldn't hear it, but... we could see it." "Yeah, the way you stood up to that guy." " Oh." " Oh, no..." "Oh, and how about the way he got right up in that man's face?" "That dude got Mitch-slapped." "And because of what you just did, this black man is about to give you a white boy hug." "Wait, but..." "Really?" "Thank you." "Seriously." "Yeah, you..." "Are welcome." "Let's get the hell out of here before I do something I regret." " Oh, wait, I need a spoon." " No, no." "Sadie's finally down, thanks to Dr. Seuss." "I'm gonna say something controversial here." "Cat in the Hat?" "Kind of a dick." "You know, those kids, why do..." "Hello." "I thought you didn't like that outfit?" "You said it stuck your lotion." "I don't plan on being in it long." "Okay." "Because you deserve it." "Yeah." "Yeah, I deserve it." "Why do I deserve it?" "For what you did at the taco place." "But I also deserve it for all those other times I stood up for social injustice, right?" "No, those times were annoying." "Like, annoying that gets you hot kind of way?" "No." "Look, I know I'm always getting on you for making a scene and taking on the world's problems..." "Wow, the world does have problems." "Climate change, Iraq, trans fat..." "Read your packaging, America." "Seeing you today take a stand just got me so... unbelievably turned on." " They're not racists." " No, they're not." "The restaurant, it's not racist." "There was a sign!" ""Entire party must be present to be seated."" "Not a race thing." "Just a sensible policy that rewards punctuality." "Then why did yell at him?" "I didn't." "It just looked at that way." "And I was gonna tell you..." " But then you didn't." " But then I didn't." "It was just Russell, the way he looked at me, all those nice things he said..." "About the thing you didn't do!" "Oh, it felt good to be complimented." "On things you didn't do!" " I know!" " You're crazy." " I know!" " You have to tell Russell." "Of course I have to tell Russell." "Or I could just text him." "He's really big on texting." " In person." " Okay." "Okay, I will tell Russell tomorrow." "Well, I guess I killed the mood for sex." "Are you kidding?" "This train doesn't go in reverse." "Whoo, look who made it to carpool on time." "I know it's my turn, but I need you to drive." "I still need to do my hair." "Finish my makeup, eat breakfast." " Floss." " One second." "Hey, Gloria, this is Tracy Cooper, Sadie's mom." "I got your message." "Thanks for looking out for Sadie." "Mitch and I will be there at 10:40" "Ange, we're gonna have to drive separately." "Apparently, Sadie's being bullied at school." "Who's bullying Sadie?" "I will end them." "Angie, I appreciate you being protective of my daughter." "Listen to me, Tracy." "Bullying is no joke." "I'm serious." "It can leave scars." "By any chance, were you bullied as a child?" "As a matter of fact, yes." "And also a little bit in college." "But it started in middle school." "Tabitha Thompson..." "She was a bee-otch with a backpack." "Must have been tough." " We should get going..." " There was this one time, during a debate competition in front of the whole school," "I was all worked up, and when I get emotional, my body reacts." "And I got up to the mic, opened my mouth..." " and I threw up." " Ew." "In the end, I won the debate..." "Turns out they don't deduct for that, but nobody remembers that part, because that's when Tabitha Thompson gave me a nickname:" ""Chunks."" "Okay, well, joke's on them, right?" "Because you're over it." "Look, you are a successful doctor." "You have an amazing man who loves you very, very much." "They called me Chunks." " Hey, Russell." " Hey, 'sup, Mitch?" "Hey, I need to talk to you about something." "You're probably gonna laugh at this." "I know I am already..." "Oh, oh!" "There he is!" " 'Sup, Mitch?" " Nick, Hudson." "Heard about what you did down at the taco place." " Stuck it to the man." " Mm-hmm." "Look at this, these guys actually like you now." "Yeah." "You guys didn't like me?" "You know what we should do?" " We should take this to Black Twitter." " Yes!" "Little confession." "Still not sure I know the difference" " between Twitter and Black Twitter." " It's like the difference between a barber shop and a black barber shop." "Uh-huh, uh-huh." "Another little confession..." "Black Twitter is pretty much like an informal forum for millions of black Americans to discuss issues that interest them... mostly Drake-based." "I wish there was a White Twitter." "There is." "It's called Twitter." "Guys, listen, I'm serious." "Couple of tweets, we can take this taco bastard down." "Oh, I'm not sure that that's something..." "Remember that white lady that tried to make a joke about AIDS before her trip to Africa?" "By the time she landed," "Black Twitter had destroyed her career." "It was hilarious." "Man, we're gonna fry this guy worse than the fish in his tacos." "No, no, no, no, no, no!" "I mean..." "Guys, when I exchanged words with the owner, he seemed very apologetic." "So we should give him an opportunity to mend his ways." "You know, #forgiveness." "Look at this man here..." "Bravery, humility, mercy." "Ooh, I'm about to tweet that." "No, no, seriously, phones down, phones down." " Okay?" "Okay." " Yeah." "Yeah." "So, uh, Mitch, what is it that you wanted to tell me?" "I think we covered a lot of it just now, so..." "I'm gonna go home and log onto Black Twitter." " Mitch, you don't actually..." " No, no, no, don't tell him." "It is gonna be fun to hear what he does." "Okay." "Oh, and another thing, Linda, when you're taking notes on conference calls," "I can hear you breathing." "I'm sorry." "I've always been a wheezer." "I was born premature." "So what happened with Sadie?" "Did you confront the bully?" "Ooh, what did Mitch do?" "Well..." "At Sunny Days, we believe that communication is a tree, and the fruit of that tree is trust..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, water the tree..." "Just tell me the name of the bully!" "Easy, easy." "It's that boy who spits when he talks, isn't it?" "That kid is nothing but trouble." "No, it's not Daniel." "Who, by the way, is being treated for an overactive salivary gland." "Well, I hope whoever this bully is, you are talking to the kid's mother." "I am talking to her right now." "Oh." "She means you." "Your daughter is a bully." "What are you gonna do about it?" "I don't know!" "Poor Sadie." "What do you mean, "Poor Sadie?"" "Don't you mean, "Poor kid who isn't Sadie"?" "If you think about it, they're both kind of victims here." "Actually, they're not." ""Bully" and "victim" are opposites." "Just like "stick" and "piñata."" "Okay, it's just a phase, all right?" "There's nothing wrong with a girl having a strong personality." "I have a strong personality." "Yes, you do." "Jeez." "Wait and minute, you're not just talking about Sadie, are you?" "What do you mean?" "You were a bully." "You were one of them... a mean girl." "I was not a mean girl." "I was just... popular." "The 4:00 call is being pushed to..." "I know." "I pushed it!" " Wow." " I know, right?" "What are you doing?" "We can't be seen with those tacos... get 'em out of here!" "Why?" "This place isn't racist." "But Russell still thinks it is." "You didn't tell him?" " It's very complicated." " It really isn't." "I wanted to tell him, but there's just never been the right time." "Hey, hey, Mitch." "Damn it, it's Russell!" "What "damn it"?" "He's here; that's good; you can tell him." "Not while our place smells like what I'm guessing are four fish and two shrimp tacos." " Russell." " Hey." "Hey, are you and Tracy hungry?" " No, absolutely not." " Ah, you're not." "Okay, 'cause Angie was picking up Chinese food..." "Chinese food, yes!" " Love it, let's go." " What about Tracy?" "Tracy." "Trace?" "No?" "Okay, let's go." "So listen, I need to talk to you about the restaurant, and please don't interrupt me..." "Shut up!" " Don't go in there." " Why not?" "Uh, 'cause Angie is feeling freaky." "Really?" "Yeah, yeah, she got her ski mask out." "That means she wants to do our whole home invasion role-play." "Wow, wow." "Okay, but before all that..." "Wait... w..." "I don't have time for this." "She put the mask on; she tripped the alarm." "Man, the cops gonna be here in eight minutes." "Wait, she's the burglar?" "The less you know about this, the better." "Put those down!" "Those tacos are racist!" "Turns out, they're not." "Here's a funny story," "I went to go pick up the Chinese food, but you know how parking is always such a mess there." " No, it's not." " Well, today it was." "So I ended up parking at the fish taco place." "It's, like, six blocka away." "Now, parking there is a nightmare." "Not if you valet." "Anyway, one thing led to another, and..." "Hold up." "You know they're not racist now, but when you took your first bite, they still were." "No, no." "No, I just..." "All right, I cracked!" "Is that what you want to hear?" " I cracked like..." " A cheap taco shell!" "In the face of racism, my wife cracked." "Rosa Parks would've cracked!" "If there'd been a bag of these tacos on the back of that bus, she would have been singing" ""We Shall Overcome" with a mouth full of taco." "Oh, man." " Do you know what this means?" " The tacos aren't racist." "Dig in, I got you..." "Well, I guess just this one." "You want to split it?" "If the tacos aren't racist, that means my best friend accused an innocent man." "Last call." " I'm not gonna!" " Yes, you are." "You're gonna apologize to Jordan first thing Monday morning." "I know she did not just roll her eyes." "Did she just roll her eyes?" "You know, Tracy, bullying is a learned behavior." "Okay?" "And it starts with the example you set." "Did you just roll your eyes?" "No, because I'm not a bully." "Oh, you don't even know when you're doing it, do you?" "Think about Linda." "You treat her without any care or respect." "Who's Linda?" "My assistant, Linda?" "You're crazy." "Sadie's never even seen us together." "Really?" "Well, how about Sadie's birthday party?" "So we need root beer?" "For root beer floats?" "Yes, Linda, I need root beer!" "Now!" "Oppression wore a party hat that day." "Oh, my God." "I've polluted my daughter." "Well, you're on top of things with Sadie." "Now all you need to do is apologize to Linda." "What?" "Listen, as someone who has been on the other side of the bullying thing," "I would imagine an apology would be appreciated." "You never got one from Tabitha Thompson." "Nope." "Diabetes took her last year." "She wins again." "Hey, hey, good call." "It'll be fun for us to squeeze in a workout." " Yeah." " Yeah." "Which... which, by the way, you don't need." "You, sir, look great." "Well, you, sir, look great." "Thanks." "I wasn't fishing." "All right, maybe I was." "I just thought it was good for us to have some time, just you and me." "Yeah, yeah." " 'Cause we should talk..." " Totally." " Listen..." " The tacos aren't racist." " What?" " The tacos aren't racist." "Neither is the guy." "I know it's a shocker!" "And the worst part is, you accused an innocent man of racism." "Wait, wait, did you talk to the owner?" "No, no, I haven't." "I haven't." "But you know what?" "We should... we should do that right now." " Right now?" " Yeah, let's clear the air." "No, no, I don't think we should." "Mitch, I get it." "It's gonna be awkward." "You have no idea." "Okay, first of all," "I want to thank both of you for coming in on such short notice." "Please enjoy a taco." "No?" "Okay." "Thanks, Linda, for coming in on a Saturday." "No problem." "I was able to reschedule the procedure." "Okay, well, I just wanted to talk about our working relationship, which, I understand, can be a little... stressful." "I like stress." "And I like my job." "I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my job or my stress level." "We all agree no one likes to be pushed around." "So it's important to clear the air." "Tracy bullies you, doesn't she?" "Tracy, my direct supervisor?" "No!" "I appreciate being told what to do every day." " See?" " Oh, come off it." "It's painful." "It's a hurt you live with 24/7." "You're a bully, Tracy." "Admit it." "I lean towards bossy." "And I want to thank you for pushing me toward excellence." "Oh, stop that!" "Bitch, Tracy drives you crazy." "Tell her how you feel!" "Oh, my God." "You're just using Linda as your puppet!" "I like being a puppet." "Grow a pair, girl!" "Tell her what you think." "I don't..." " I just..." " Say it!" "Sometimes Tracy could be a little more, um... not awful?" "To her face!" "Sometimes you could be a little more not awful!" "Yes!" "God, that feels good!" "Mm." "I mean, doesn't that feel good, Linda?" "Tracy, your response?" "I just want to say to you and to you, on behalf of myself and Tabitha Thompson, rest her soul..." "I'm sorry." "Angie?" "Oh, God." "So you'll clean that up?" " Of course." " Great." " Let's do this." " Yeah, Russell, wait." "Wait, wait, wait." "That's it!" "Instead of us both going in there, which, in my mind, would result in no good," "I should go in there myself." " No!" " Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, yup, that's the best plan." "I go in there, fess up to what I did." "No need to drag you into this." "And, you know, if you want, you can watch me apologize through the window." "No, no, Mitch, I've got your back." "No, and-and-and..." "I love that about you." "But my back is fine, so you just, you wait here, and before you know it, fish tacos will be back in the rotation." "Well, look who it is." "My number one fan!" "Hi." "See?" "Problem solved." "I cannot believe you, Mitch!" "You lied to me for almost a week." "It wasn't a whole week." "It was more like four days." "And it happened at dinner that night, and now it's early in the day, so if you round down..." "That's not the point." "You let me go on thinking you stood up for me." "But I tried to tell you... sort of..." "Not very hard." "I barely saw you that one day." "That man is not a racist." "Not at all." "He's actually pretty nice." "He's so nice!" "Give me one reason why you had to lie." "Well, I..." "I liked the way you looked at me." "What?" "I liked the white-boy hug." "I liked how your friends treated me and how they told me about Black Twitter." "By the way, I went to the website... nothing." "I guess the real thing is..." "I liked being your hero." "And I know I shouldn't have said that." "It is so offensive." "I mean, you're a capable black man." " You don't need a hero." " Whoa, whoa, Mitch, slow down." "No, I can't slow down." "I've been thinking about this for the last four days..." "Actually for the last 38 years, Russell." "Do you know that I feel responsible for all bad things white people have ever done to black people?" "Police shootings, security following a brother in a store..." "The fact that I just said "brother."" "That's not a word I should be saying." "Do you know that when I hold the door open for an older black man, and he says "thank you,"" "in my mind I hear, "Thank you, but slavery still happened"?" "I have so much white guilt." "That's why I stood up for you at the taco place." "Wow." "I was gonna yell at you, but you kinda just yelled at yourself." "Listen, I feel horrible about everything..." "Everything." "And I'm sorry." "Thank you." "But slavery still happened." "Uh..." "I've been standing here for like four minutes with these tacos for you and your friend." "They're on the house." " Thank you." " You're the best." "Yeah." "Is it pushing it to ask for extra guac?" "It was a rat!" "Here we go again." " Forget the guac." " Forget everything." "Let's grab Sadie and get out of here." "I don't need Gloria chewing my ass out about how I've been a crappy role model." " Okay, potty - mouth." "Just because your child's not within earshot." "We're all part of a society." "Tracy, Mitch." "School's not over for another five minutes." "Sometimes being early is worse than being late." "Actually, Gloria, we're here because we wanted to see how it went with Sadie today." "Well, she apologized to Jordan, so Sadie's on the right track with her behavioral skills... as long as we make an effort to set a positive example at home." "We're hearing everything you're saying." "And implying." "Jordan, if you borrow crayons, you have to give them back!" "It's unacceptable." "We're all part of a society!" " Hi, Mom." " Hi, sweetie." "Well, ethics professor, where do you think she got that from?" "Black Twitter?" "I still don't know what that is." "That's my boy."