"THE COLLEGNO AMNESIAC" "WC MEN" "Hey, what's up?" " A madman locked in there for hours won't come out." "There's even a priest!" " What stuff!" "This thing must stop." " Certainly." "Father, you intervene." " Okay." " Try!" " I'll do my best." "Come on, get out, son, please!" "You've been locked in there for 14 hours!" "If you did it for hunger, I'll take you to the parish to give you a mouthful, but for heaven's sake, come out!" "But what hunger!" "What are you saying?" "One who's hungry won't lock himself in here." "Come on!" "The reason should be sought in a complex." " Complex?" "Like, as a child they forbade him from closing up in the toilet!" "Well, get busy!" "I'm in a hurry, I gotta go to work." " Press!" "You're the manager?" " But no, no." "I'm the keeper." "Can you tell me the facts?" " What do you care?" "I'm a journalist, I'll put your name in the article." "But what can I tell you?" "He came in here and shut the door." "After an hour he hadn't come out, I knocked." "He said it was still occupied." "14 hours have passed since then!" "Look, sir, tell us something, come on!" "Answer my son, we're here to help you!" "If you got something to say, say it now, the police is coming!" "Listen well, look:" "I am a psychoanalyst, OK?" "Well, if you have something inside, something oppressing you, make an effort, try to rid yourself!" " Silence!" "Silence!" "Off, off, off!" " Here's the Commissioner!" " Off!" "Off!" "Open up!" "Occupied!" "Come on, no fuss!" "I'm the Commissioner!" "Come out now, or I'll break down the door!" "You're really the Commissioner?" " Yes." "You swear it?" " Of course I swear!" "Then why don't you ask name and address?" "OK, who are you, what's your name?" "This is it!" "That's the point!" "Commissioner, that's where the shoe pinches!" "I don't know who I am!" "I don't know where I'm from, nor do I know where I go." "Commissioner, I locked myself in here to appeal to the public and to unravel this enigma." "Commissioner, I am a mobile enigma!" "You've got to stop me, to tell me who I am!" "Unless you tell me, I remain closed here until next August." "And why not?" "Even the epiphany!" " A poor fool." "Get ready!" "Clear, go away!" "Careful, he might be armed." "Yes, agreed, as you want!" "But come on out now!" "We'll clarify everything." "Come!" "I want the press!" " You'll have the press..." "The newspapers!" " The newspapers..." "The cameras!" " The cameras..." "The paparazzi!" " The paparazzi..." "But come out!" "I give you my word." "Word, huh?" "Word of the Commissioner." " So I come, huh?" " Come out, come." "Get ready!" "The paparazzi are here..." "Here we are, bravo!" " Commissioner..." "Commissioner, come inside." "I wanna have a chat with you." "Come inside." " Come, come!" "The press is there?" "The paparazzi?" " Let's have a coffee." "Come!" " No, what's these manners?" "Quick!" "Seize him, take him away!" "I want a TV show!" "But I'm not sick!" "I am an amnesiac of sound mind!" "I'm only an enigma A mobile enigma!" "But, what...?" "But, what is it?" "A van?" "Say, it's political stuff?" " Yeah!" "They had a closed meeting!" "These are the facts that led to hospitalization of the unknown in the neuropsychiatric clinic of Professor Gioberti." "President, I ask for deletion from acts of the word "unknown"" "inasmuch the accused has been identified as Giuseppe Lobianco, that the Court is prosecuting for continued and grand larceny, fraud and robberies!" "With what evidence?" "The fingerprints of my client, taken upon admission to the neuro, were not found to be those of Lobianco." "They could not be since Lobianco is not filed, but there is a sure proof:" "the recognition by his accomplice, Fernando Meniconi." "And the recognition of the wife of engineer Ballarini, is not maybe a sure proof?" "Or maybe you want to give more weight to the fanciful allegations of a criminal, rather than to the voice of the heart of a bride who has finally found the man beside whom she lived a lifetime?" "Mr. President, the life lived by the bride beside the man whom, according to my esteemed colleague, she regained, is merely 6 months of marriage." "And what are 6 months opposite the 30 years he spent with his brothers?" "And his brothers did not recognize him!" " We did not recognize him!" "And what did I say?" "They did not want to!" "For, the similarity between my client and Alfredo Ballarini is perfect!" "It is vague, very vague!" " And I'd say!" "Of course!" "Since, after 18 years, an individual may also have different somatic features." "Especially if that person has experienced a war, a slew of imprisonments, unspeakable hardships!" "Of course, the somatic features..." "What war?" "!" "No, dear colleague, you can not..." "Calm down, gentlemen lawyers, quiet!" "The Court is here to establish the truth." "And truth can not emerge except through the testimony, and following the facts." "Call the witness Gioberti." "Professor Ademaro Gioberti!" "Professor Ademaro Gioberti!" "Professor Ademaro Gioberti!" " Professor Ademaro Gioberti!" "Here!" "Here." "At last, Mrs Ballarini, you're late." "Attorney Dell'Orso is worried." "The hearing has begun." " Don't worry, you'll be fine." "Bring them to the newsroom." "Hunt the others at the exit, after." "Young man, you know if there is the press stand?" "No." "Why, are you a colleague?" " From Milan." "Rizzoli, gossip magazine." ""All on female Ballarini"." "But who's this Ballarini?" "What?" "The whole case revolves around her, "the stranger's presumed wife"." "I've seen, of Liz kind!" " What?" "Well, consumes husbands, in general." " Hey, if you write as you talk..." "Excuse me?" "Press!" "Usher!" "Usher." "First time I see a dog in court." " Even dogs, here?" "Scat!" "Scat!" "Professor Gioberti, you recognize the defendant as your former patient?" "Yes, sir." "Tell us then of his behavior during the period in which you treated him." "Well, the first days of hospitalization in my clinic, the stranger did not eat." "Then he began to steal even the food of other patients." "The thief loses memory, but not the vice!" "Continue, professor, continue." "He often cried, was moved with ease and hinted to his wife who was awaiting him anxiously, and, despite my repeated efforts, my repeated psychodiagnostic tests," "I was not able to... bridge the chasm that had developed between his past and his present." "Of course!" "The defendant hampered your plans since the bridge you meant to build, would have collapsed under the weight of all his crimes!" "Convenient for him to feign amnesia and hide behind some "don't know", "don't remember"." "No, no, no, that's not exact, sir." "There was indeed, in the stranger, an overwhelming desire to find himself, as I was able to observe the first day he showed up at my office." "No, no, these are not good." "Here, let him do these." "Remember though, every other day." " Will do." "May I?" " Come in!" "These..." " Here we are!" "Who is..." "Who allowed you to come in?" " I don't know, who did?" "Who did give...?" " You, sister, who gave you permission?" "What sister?" "Sister, please go." " Sister, go away, depart!" "They have a nerve!" " But, please!" "Sit down." " I'm fine where I am!" "What do you want?" " What do you wish?" "No, I am asking you what you wish!" " Exactly, I say..." "The phone." "I heard." " Please." "Hello?" "Oh, countess!" "Yes, countess." "Very well, countess." "It will be done, countess." "Do not doubt it, countess." "Sure, countess." "I revere, countess." "I kiss your hands, countess." "It's a countess." " Oh, really?" "So, can I know what you want?" " What do I want?" "And do you ask?" "May I?" "Thank you." "I want a name and surmane." "Name and...?" " Name and surmane!" "I can't give you this name and "surmane"!" "You must recall it by yourself!" "How can I remember it?" "I am amnesiac!" "Come on!" "With calm and patience." "You'll see, a nice cure, and one day or another..." "One day or another!" "You too, with one day or another!" "You too!" "One month, one year!" "Professor, I can't celebrate my name day from 18 years!" "Do you think I locked myself in a Walter  Closet just for fun?" "Where?" " In a Walter  Closet just..." " Who's those 2 guys?" "Which guys?" "It's where you get inside and say "Occupied!"" " Oh!" "The toilet!" "You call it toilet, to me is a Walter, clear?" "Okay." "Well..." " The phone." " I heard." " Not obvious at times." "I don't skip even one!" " My friend skipped one." "The laughs!" "Yes, all right, Princess." "Yes, all right, Princess." "It will be done, Princess." "Do not doubt it, Princess." "I kiss your hands, Princess." "A princess?" " What princess!" "The madman in number 22!" "Fooled me!" "Sure that your eccentricity can be explained only by your state of mental confusion, which is embarrassing for clinicians!" "You see?" "You see?" "You, too, think I'm crazy." "What kind of professor are you?" " Watch it!" "I'm watching you!" " Well!" "I locked myself in the toilet, as you call it, so that people would notice me." "For years I've knocked on every door!" "Welfare agencies, Balilla Agency, prefectures, underprefectures, ministries, underministries, underpasses." "No one was able to tell me who I was!" "All have slammed the door in my face!" "For once, however," "I too got the satisfaction to slam the door in someone's face!" "Professor!" "Profess..." "See this finger?" " So?" "It belongs to a fighter, who has fought in the war." " Good!" "This is a postwar finger!" " Great!" "Don't want to give me a home?" "All right!" " Calm!" " Not a family?" "All right!" "But a name and a surmane, I want it!" " Okay, calm down!" "I insist!" " For God's sake, calm down!" "We are on track." "See?" "You said you have fought?" " Yes" "See that you begin to remember something?" "Now... we must seek, that's it!" "With some good will, we seek." " Sure." "If you say what you've lost, I'll help." " What do you want to seek?" "No, no!" "We must seek in your memory." " Oh!" "We must rummage, we must..." "We must dig, that's it!" "But it takes..." " A shovel, a pickaxe!" "No shovel, pickaxe!" " Not by hand!" "No jokes, please!" " No joking!" "We must go into the meanders!" "Let's go!" "But shall I come dressed like that?" "No!" "In the meanders of your memory!" "But you speak difficult!" " Listen." "You have fought, right?" " Yes." " Great!" "And you remember in what corps you fought?" " In what corps?" "Yes!" "I don't remember!" " Please, try to poke into your memory." "Poke, please." "But by dint of poking, I remained poked!" "No, poke into your memory." "What were you wearing?" "I wore a pen on an Alpine hat." " Good!" "So you were an Alpine!" "See?" "We're on the right track." "And then?" "And then?" "Poke, poke." "And I wore cavalry pants." "Well, an Alpine on horseback can't be." " No, it can't be." "Then, a militia coat." "So, cavalry pants, Alpine hat, militia coat..." " Yes." " What kind of soldier were you?" "The Unknown Soldier, how do I know?" " Yeah, Garibaldi!" " Garibaldi, no!" "Please, don't insist, I wasn't Garibaldi." "No jokes, please, your case is difficult!" "God knows how much!" " I know." "It is a case..." "Help me, please, a case of..." "Mozzarellas?" " No!" "A case of..." "Pecorino?" " No, a case of..." "Parmesan!" " Yeah, we open a dairy!" "Professor!" "It's a closed case!" " Good!" "It's a closed case." "You said it!" " But we must open it!" " Yes!" " We've a duty to open this case!" "I'm glad you think as me." "Bravo!" "Open up the cases!" "The cases are two." " But we need to shed light!" " Light." "We need a chink, you know?" " Some air." " What you do?" " Light." "Where you going?" "For heaven's sake, please, don't be a baby!" "Me?" " That's no way!" "What?" " You can't make me work so hard!" "I'm a baby?" " I'm exhausted!" "Help me, please!" "Where do we carry it?" " But where to?" "Help me to find yourself!" "Try to understand me, what manner is this?" "We can't go on like this, I'm no longer a boy!" "You're exasperating!" "My head is a mess, can't stand it anymore!" " I'll take care." "There's a bit of dandruff." " What are you doing?" "Leave me alone!" " There's..." " Leave me alone and go to your ward!" "You see?" " Go to your ward!" " You see?" " Who?" "You see?" " Who?" " You see?" "You!" "Want to keep me by force in here!" " Really!" " You clip my wings!" "Let me out." "Now that I've done a bit of cancan, of fuss round me, people will care about me." "But I can't discharge you now!" " Don't worry, we're among friends, I discharge myself." " Don't be silly!" "You can't." "What're you writing now?" " What?" "What's that?" " My resignation." "But you can't write your resignation." "For goodness sake!" "Right, how do I sign?" "I don't know my name!" " So, you see?" "Be reasonable, do me a favor." "Be charitable!" "Huh?" " Be charitable!" "Try..." "I've no small change." " No, I mean, try and be reasonable!" "Oh, yes." "But please tell me, Professor:" "You have children?" " No, I don't." "Why?" "Just asking." "No children?" " No." " You married?" "Of course I am, since long." " You found a wife?" "Why, I was not to?" " No, no." " So?" " De gustibus..." " What "De gustibus"?" "!" "And you had no children?" " I've had none!" "What's so strange?" "And your wife, any?" "No?" "How dare you?" "!" " At times, you know..." " By Jove!" "Adopt me!" " Me?" "Adopt you?" "Nonsense!" " Pass me as a sin of youth!" "Sin of youth?" "Please!" " But I'll talk to your wife!" "How's your wife?" " She's good, but won't do." "If she's "good", I'll handle her." " Stay in your place!" "Daddy!" " Do not touch me, or I'll put you in a straitjacket!" "Who?" " You!" " Me?" " Yes!" " A straitjacket?" "Yeah?" "And you'd be a professor?" "As if nothing, you think I'm crazy and want to put me in a straitjacket!" "But the crazy is you, and all who are in here, got it?" " Calm!" "I'd be crazy because I want to know who I am!" "But I gotta know!" "It's my right!" "Try to reason!" " I want a passport, a license, a card!" " You got it." "A ration paper!" "A toilet paper!" "An ID paper!" "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's!" " Wait!" "Seize him!" "Seize him!" "Seize him!" "Nurses!" "Nurses!" "Nurses!" "In this madhouse crazy things are happening!" "What's up?" " An inpatient, the one..." " Which?" "The toilet guy, the amnesiac..." "had a fit, ran away." "Seize him!" "Find him, he may be dangerous!" " Immediately!" "Nicola!" "Nicola, where is your roommate?" "Nicola, dear, where's your roommate?" "Bravo, tell me!" "What're you doing now?" "No, not here." " All this mystery to tell me something so obvious?" "Well, I don't want it be known that I spy." " What is it, now?" "Look, when I see you, there are always these gnats..." " Which gnats?" "These ones, don't you see them?" "All on me." " Hey!" "What are you doing, you throw them on me now?" "Are you crazy?" "I, crazy?" "But I'm healed!" "Good, close the gate." " Yes Eyes open!" " I put the glasses even!" "The other gates are closed?" " Blocked." " Bravo, Giuseppe." "But, as soon as you close here... 'morning sisters." " Ora pro nobis." "...go over there." "Professor." " Who is it?" " Look!" "Go, Blacky!" "You son of a...!" "Stop!" "But it's him!" "The toilet's madman!" "What's he doing?" "Who's he?" "Buffalo Bill?" "Grab him!" "I am responsible!" "Call the brigade, the police!" "Call the madhouse!" " But the madhouse is us!" " Oh, yeah." "He made me go silly!" "You fool!" "Come back!" "Hey, fool!" "Sister, the Honourable awaits you." " Thanks." "Good evening, Excellency." " Later on, you." "Come, sister, come in." "They open to the center-left, and then let enter only at right." "Please, have a seat." "So tell me, what can I do for you?" "Honourable, a mere trifle, a no brainer, a piece of cake, really." "I wish that, with your authority, you make publish, in all newspapers, a photograph." "A photograph of whom?" "How, of whom?" "Of me." "Full-face, in profile..." "And if by chance, in profile, should come out bad for the big hat, I take it off, you know?" "I don't understand, what for?" " For recognition." "I got it!" "You have well merited by your vigilant and constant work of charity, and would like an official recognition." "Sir, I hate to tell, but you didn't understand anything." "No offense to you." "Yes, abroad, there are ministers who understand nothing, but here in Italy, it's different." "Ours is a country of navigators, saints, poets, and of undersecretaries." "Yes, some of them may not understand anything, but it's not your case, you understand on the fly." "Well, yes, yes." "But, in this case," "I didn't quite understand everything." "You'd like..." "Honourable!" "I've been to war!" "I got it!" "In the last conflict, you've done your work in a military hospital in war zone." "Huh?" "Right, I was a Red Cross female nurse!" "Oh, a Red Cross nurse!" "Good, congratulations!" "Congratulations?" "What nurse?" "Who said nurse?" "You said you were a nurse." "But I said so to say, be good!" "Let me finish." "Under this cassock that I wear unworthily, beats the heart of a soldier!" "Oh, I know!" "Many nuns, during last war, fought magnificently, showing more courage than that of the combatants." "And you, you're one of those!" " Oh, never!" "You're insulting now!" " Why?" "You say, with a brazen face, that I'm one of those!" "Honourable!" "Mind how you talk!" " I make my apologies." " Oh by golly!" "Far from me..." " Far, but you said it!" "From afar, but you said it!" "If I did, I apologize." " Okay, you're excused." "I've been a soldier in the assault troops, like this, look!" "Got it?" " But how?" "A nun with..." "What nun and sister?" "I am an Alpine!" "Look!" "#La montanara bela, pa ri ra, tapum, tapum, tapum!" "#" "Got it?" "But I'm not sure to be an Alpine, cause I wore cavalry pants and a militia coat." "But in short, who are you?" "How do I know?" "For this I came to you!" "But you're not a nun?" " By no means!" "I am a man, I'm a male!" "I see." "Now, that's a tragedy!" "Sex change!" " I'm not Coccinelle, you know?" "Then explain why this masquerade!" "To get out the clinic and come here!" "I'm an amnesiac, don't remember anything!" "Where I'm from, who I am, what I do, what I did, what I'll do, who knows!" "No one wants to recognize me!" "That's why I'm here, I even mounted on horseback so as to be photographed, but no one did..." "So, you photograph me!" "Full-face, half side, from behind, as you wish!" "Below you write "Who saw him?"." "Leave it to me, I'm going to call the photographers, you calm down and wait, be right back." "Many photographers, not one!" "Listen!" "Little man!" "Hey!" "I'm not crazy!" "Open up!" "I am a simple Alpine!" "I am a forgetful Alpine!" "Alpine!" "Open up!" "Alpin..." "#La montanara bela, tapum, tapum. #" "Hey!" "All this I learned, of course in great detail, from the voice of His Excellency when I went to the ministry to bring back the amnesiac to the clinic." "The next day, the photographs of the unknown published in the newspapers, made flow into my clinic a considerable number of females... well, let's call them so, of females who claimed to recognize their husband in the amnesiac." "At last, you rascal!" "What do you mean!" "The rascal is him, if anything!" "Stop everyone!" "I'm not a sultan, one at a time!" "God, who's that?" " Leave him alone!" "Don't frighten him, he may turn bad!" "I may turn bad?" "I am bad!" "Now look at him well and try to identify him!" "Get in line!" " I'm Bluebeard!" " One at a time." "Come on!" "Is he your husband?" " Goofy!" "No, is not my husband." "Now I see him well, he's too old." "Oh, she's a nymphet!" " Go." "Doroteo!" " Mamma mia!" "No, not your mom, I'm your wifey, Eulalia." "You recognize him?" " I can't go wrong, it's Doroteo!" " Good!" "What Doroteo?" " You remember when you called me beautiful angel?" "Me?" "Whom?" " Me!" "You were so in love!" "Beautiful angel?" "Professor, I mean, you see her?" "I say, I'm amnesiac or moron?" " Amnesiac!" " So then!" "Doroteo!" " Go away." " No, please!" " Go away." "Go away all of you!" "All away, please!" "Go away all of you!" "Goofy, she called me!" " She didn't recognize you..." "Alone at last!" " What?" "Alone at last!" " He won't say I'm his husband, right?" "Let him speak, be kind." " Oh, you're très sympathique!" "What am I?" " Says you're 3 times nice." "Now I'll explain why I came." "There, good." "Please, trim the talk!" " Comment?" "He says: "trim the balls", don't know..." "Don't dwell!" "My patient was already under stress for too long." "Okay, tell you all concisely." " Well, good." "Soon as I saw him on the newspaper, I told myself: "Ça c'est mon homme!"." "Good!" "Says "Ça c'est mon homme."" " Which means?" "Well, Ça c'est mon homme!" " What, he has it with me?" "Says if I'm a moron?" " What moron!" "He said "That's my man"!" "Oh, no, my friend, you got it all wrong, you know?" "Don't get me angry or I'll slam the professor...!" "Stop it!" " I'm angry!" " Let me finish." "Let him finish!" " I came here for the P.P." "Here?" " Oui." " But you can't!" "Come on, let's be humane." "Nurse!" " What nurse?" "You can't!" "Mais non, P.P., Promotional Products and contacts." "Pees on contracts." "No, an advertising agency." " Oui!" "P.P. Promotional Products and contacts." "Don't dwell, please, don't dwell!" " What do you want?" "The contacts, with him?" " Sure!" " He's dumb!" " You can't!" "After what you've done you're on the lips of all!" "And on the lips of all we will put the toothpaste" "Nicebreath!" " No, no, no." "It's an ad?" " Mais oui, an ad!" "You'll do ad shows..." " No." " He doesn't want, sir." "Mais non, some ad shows..." " What shows!" " He said no, please stop it please!" "Look, at the end you'll have to say:" ""I don't remember who I am, but I remember well every day to brush my teeth with toothpaste Nicebreath, with green and blue stripes"!" " Listen, if you don't go away," "I'll make you the blue stripes here, but as souvenir." "Get out!" "Then, nothing!" " Rascal!" "Scoundrel you are!" "Vultures!" "Speculating on my misfortune!" "Amnesiacs of the world, unite!" "But you're saying?" " Bloody hell!" "He swiped the..." "Thief!" "Swiped the toothpaste." "That's what always happens, Lord President, when a news story assumes a national interest." "The sick, the maniacs, the mythomaniacs, in good faith believe to be the protagonists of a crime, a murder, a heroic act." "And so it happened to those poor women deprived of the husband, or who had been abandoned." "It is understood that there's always speculators, as in our case." "As you see, President, my client does not accept the flattery of easy money, because he is fundamentally honest!" "He was only anxious to find, with a name, his home, and the love of his sweet bride." " Lawyer Dell'Orso, you'll tell us all this later on." "Now, let's go on with the testimonies." "But..." " Professor Gioberti, go on." "What happened next?" "Well, next, I received the call from Dr. Zannini." "Thank you, you may go." " Goodbye." "Bailiff, call the witness Zannini." "Doctor Alessandro Zannini!" "Doctor Alessandro Zannini!" "Zannini!" "Doctor Alessandro Zannini!" "Doctor Zannini, huh?" " Gioberti?" "Professor!" " Professor." "Dr. Zannini!" " Here I am!" "Dr. Zannini, say with me:" ""I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth."" "Raise your right hand and say: "I swear."" " I swear." "This fella they just called, who's he?" "It's Dr. Zannini." "He cares for the widow's interests." " Physician?" "Dr. Zannini, it was you who called Professor Gioberti to fix a confrontation between the unknown and Mrs Ballarini?" "Yes, Mr. President." "As an administrator, I often went to Ballarini's home, and that day I was there to report to Ms. Linda on the sale of an equity stake." "I sold all the "Eridania" at 1.5 points above market price, but I refrained from selling the "Lombard Electricity"." "I want to wait a week or two to see how things shape up." "You did well, Zannini." "You know I have the utmost confidence in you." " Thanks." "But..." "It's him!" "It's Alberto!" "It's my husband!" "Oh!" "Mrs Linda, what's up, are you well?" "Mrs Linda." "Mrs Linda!" "The newspaper." " The newspaper?" "Yes!" "It's just him, the unknown man!" "But..." "It's amazing, Mr. Ballarini..." "revived after 18 years!" "Take me to him, to my Alberto, I want to see him!" " Yes, Mrs Linda." "I want to see him!" " Today." "I'll call the clinic." "Come, come, lady." "There he is!" " Where?" " Behind the hedge." "He's with his roommate." " My husband sleeps with a madman?" "!" "No, don't worry, lady." "The one who sleeps with your husband, if it is your husband, is not crazy." "He had a nervous breakdown, but is already better, and in a few days I'll release him." "But the lady's husband, in what conditions is he?" "Normal." "Only, he doesn't remember his past." "If I could make him remember!" " Let's hope so, madam, let's hope!" "Poor guy!" "Why does he repeat that name?" "This is...a case of love folly." "He went mad the day that his fiancée, Maria Luisa, left him to go with another." "Oh God!" "And this, what's the matter?" "This is the hapless who married Maria Luisa!" "Please, madam." "Now we get closer to the unknown man, and from behind the hedge you can watch him without being noticed." "But, the confrontation?" " Yes, you promised the lady that there would be..." "Yes." "Mister...?" "Doctor Zannini." " Dr. Zannini, the confrontation will take place later." "What's important is that now you recognize him, madam." "Here, let us set here." " Which is it?" "We can observe without being seen." "Here, madam, here." "The one at right or the one at left?" " At left." "Look!" "But if he doesn't turn, how can I?" "I don't see him!" "I'm so excited!" "You understand, doctor?" "Look at him, observe him carefully!" "What're you doing?" " I've studied for a week!" "I can't insert it in the hole, understand?" "How is it, sorry?" "How can it be?" "It's the speed of thought." " Don't make me laugh!" " Try!" "Try what?" " Try it yourself, then see if you have a quick thought." "No!" " Eh, no!" "Dammit!" "How did you do?" "The speed of thought!" "But, you gone mad?" "No, not me, I'm healed." "Indeed, I go out soon." "Yes it's true." "But, see, Nicola, I'm sorry you're leaving." "By now I was close-knit with you." " I'm sorry too." "I wonder who will be in the room in your place?" "Come on, don't take it so hard." "Even if I wanted, they won't let me stay." "They need so many places!" "You're right, with all the crazies who are out in the world!" "It's Alberto, no doubt!" "The same head, the same voice, the same gestures!" "Yes, it's him, doctor, believe me." "And why shouldn't I believe you?" " Yeah, why?" "A young woman, beautiful and rich as you, has no interest to claim a husband who's not hers." "That's right!" "He's right, Mr. ..." " Doctor Zannini." " Dr. Zannini." "Beautiful!" "Is it new?" " No, no." "I've had it for twenty years." "Well preserved, though." " I don't spoil it." " No?" "I don't move the fan, I keep it stationary." "I move my head, like that." "And how...how can you?" "Try it yourself!" "You feel the breeze." " Don't make me laugh!" " Feel the breeze!" "This way?" " Yes." "No, too cool, I suffer from colds." " Too sensitive?" " Yes!" "Hey!" "Will you leave alone that poor wretch?" "Is it our fault, if he thinks he's a bench?" "Don't overdo now!" "But if we sit on a real bench, he takes offense." "Come on, get up!" " Oh, what a bore!" " Up!" "Come into my office and see him up face." "Who knows, he may recognize you!" "Would be a decisive proof." "Why you butt in?" "You do the nurse and I do the bench!" "Let's go!" " You go?" "You let me free now?" "What if they occupy me?" "Put on a sign!" "The hat." " What hat?" "No hat!" "Excuse me, there is his signboard!" "There!" "Incredible, incredible!" "After 18 years." "When I was already resigned to give up on life, grief in the heart, he reappears before me like a ghost, like a reborn." "Dear Ms. Linda, these things happen." "Sometimes life holds for us these surprises." "But we must be certain, though." "You've recognized him from a distance, you've heard his voice, seen his gestures." "And him?" "What do we know about him?" "What will happen in the brain of that poor wretch when he sees you?" "Everything can happen, anything." "So we must be careful, cautious!" "Is that correct, Mr. ..." " Doctor Zannini." " Pardon, Doctor Zannini." "That's why I wanted the meeting to happen here in my office." "How is it?" "Why isn't he coming?" "But what's he doing?" "Here he is." " It's him!" "Here he is, ma'am, it's him!" "Alberto!" "Linda!" "Linda, my big wifey!" "Finally the nucleus reassembles!" " For heaven sake, pull up!" "Don't panic!" "How can you still cast doubt on the identity of this man, who almost by a miracle of love recognizes, after so many years, the woman whom he chose as companion of his life?" "Not only that, but he suddenly regains his memory and calls her by name." "Linda!" "Linda!" " All right, lawyer!" "But the time hasn't come yet for your harangue." "Meanwhile you go, Dr. Zannini." "If we need you, we'll recall you." "She's still in love with the stranger, who, in truth, is slightly fossil." "You mean he's stale!" " See that you begin to understand?" "But I can't grasp why she wants an encore of her husband after so many years." "Must have some hidden talent." " In what sense?" "I'll explain later." "President, I ask we listen to Mr. Nicola Politi, already hospitalized in the psychiatric clinic of Professor Gioberti, and roommate of the accused." "Bailiff, call the witness Politi." "Politi, in court!" "But, this Nicola Politi has never testified in preparatory inquiry." "He was discharged a few days ago." "There he is!" " Nicola Politi!" "Say: "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth."" "Raise your right hand and say: "I swear."" "Say: "I swear."" "Yes, yes, is fine by me." "Say: "I swear."" " I swear." "Sit down." "Mr. Nicola Politi, what can you tell us of this miracle of love of which attorney Dell'Orso told us with pathetic accents, and that made remind the amnesiac, suddenly, the first name of Mrs Ballarini?" "Answer!" "What you want me to answer?" "I didn't understand what he said!" "Silence." "Silence!" "Attorney, can you formulate the question in terms more accessible to the witness?" "Before meeting in the garden of the clinic with Mrs Ballarini, the defendant knew about the confrontation?" "Yessir." "He had also seen the photo, of the lady." "Where... he had seen the photo of Mrs Ballarini?" "On a newspaper he had found in the shitter." "Silence." "Silence!" "Use terms more suited to the austerity of the place you're in." "Say he found it in the water closet." "No!" "He found it just in the shitter, y'know!" "Yes, on the wall, where there's the pipe that goes down into the bowl..." "You know well... how they're made..." " Silence!" "Or I'll clear the court!" "Please, proceed." "Remember what your roommate said after looking at the newspaper?" "Excuse me, I did not understand what..." "Do you remember the phrase that your roommate said after looking at the newspaper?" "Yes." "He said:" ""Let's hope that this lady Linda Ballarini doesn't notice that I am not her husband."" "I object!" " But what do you object, lawyer?" "Well, I correct myself, President." "I ask that the testimony of Politi be not verbalized, since brought forth by the sick mind of a madman." "I object, President." "This certificate by Professor Gioberti, which I pray Your Excellency to attach to the acts, declares that Mr. Politi was discharged two weeks ago from the clinic, perfectly healed." "Maybe he wasn't, when he showed the paper to my client." "Lawyer Dell'Orso, you know that a maniac doesn't leave the hospital until a month after being found healed." "Not always, President, not always!" "The witness Politi left the clinic the day after the confrontation." "So, just as he's not now, he wasn't crazy even then." "Registrar, put on the record." "President, may I ask some questions to the witness?" "Yes, but be brief." " Thanks." "I will be very brief." "Witness!" "Witness!" "Nitwit, hey!" "Who are you?" "Do you ask?" "But, we slept together in the dormitory!" "Remember well!" "Who are you?" "Your brother in law!" " It's false, President!" "Between the two there is no relationship!" "Mr. Prosecutor, please, let me continue." "And why you're my brother in law?" "Huh, because I married your sister!" "Where, did you marry my sister?" "At Austerlitz, my emperor!" "General Joachim Murat!" " Here he is!" "Where shall I send you to fight?" "From the Alps to the Pyramids, or from Manzanares to Rhine?" " Anywhere my Emperor will order!" "For you I lost this arm." " But if you have it!" "Yes, cause then I found it again." "Dragons of the 3rd squadron, vive I'Empereur, vive la France!" "General Joachim Murat!" "To the charge!" "To the charge!" "Stop that madman!" "Stop that madman!" "Do not touch me!" "President, shall I put on record?" "Forget the record!" "Stop him!" "Stop that madman!" "The sitting closed!" "A great trial!" "A very interesting trial." "Interesting!" "See you tomorrow!" " Hopefully it'll be more spicy!" "I gotta go, see you tonight?" " Give me a roar later." "What am I, a lion?" " Okay, call me." "Call you?" "I'll even marry you!" " You got that?" "Every morning at the trial, punctual as a prisoner." "I don't even oust him any more." "Hey, what're you doing?" "What do you want?" "Silence!" "Continue as well, Ms. Linda Ballarini." "As I was saying, the only obstacle to our marriage was the age difference." "My parents did not agree, nor Alberto's brothers, but we loved each other, and when two people are in love..." "In the end, all obstacles overcome, on September 10, 1941 we realized our love dream." "President, allow me, allow me." "I have always maintained, since the first day of the preparatory phase, that the shady person there is not engineer Ballarini." "Now, since we talk about weddings, I can give you the proof, showing you the true face of the woman's true husband, through the projection of a small film clip." "Yes, a short movie!" "Shot by a film lover who was present the day of the wedding." "Who is?" "Perry Mason?" "Where's the film?" "Do you have it?" " There!" " What?" "Oh, there it is!" "Sorry." "If this Court permits," "I've already arranged with the Registrar for the projection." "I object!" "Magnetic tapes and films do not constitute probative proof." "Even if they don't constitute profative proob...probative proof, they constitute still a proob...proof!" "And serve as orientation to the Court." "So, let's see this wedding shot by the film lover." "Everything is ready, Excellency." "Strange they don't send us away, to continue behind closed doors." "But why should they send us away?" " You know, being about newlyweds, in the movie, there might be something spicy!" "Yeah!" "They'll show us the wedding night." " Who knows?" "I count much on that." "Haven't you heard?" "This was shot by a film lover!" "Why?" "According to you, what is a film lover?" "An erotic." "An erotic!" "So, President, can we go?" " Yes, go ahead." "Ciao!" "Silence!" "Bravo!" "Lawyer Rossetti, but here, instead of the groom's face, we see quite else!" "Film lover, he is!" " Silence!" "Here, here President!" "That's the exit, should be seen clearly." "How, "Should"?" "But, haven't you seen it before?" "Uh, no, I was given it only this morning and I haven't seen it." "Here, here!" "They come out, President!" "Now you will see the true face of the true Ballarini!" "Damn, I was fat!" "Who's that one?" "What?" "Don't you remember?" "The..." "Oh!" "Exciting!" "Between Marienbad and Antonioni's early style." "For me, the influence is clearly half Soviet and half... physical." "I'll be damned!" "That face looks familiar." "Defendant, don't be funny!" "President, is not me who's funny." "It's the lawyer who wanted to show my face." "Lawyer, my face is not round." "It is long, rather!" "Silence!" "Silence!" "Finished?" " A bit more." " Oh, well..." "The film is over." "Usher, make light!" "Where did you catch this lawyer?" " He's odd, but he's clever." " Hopefully." "Excellency, I put on record?" "What you want to put?" "The girl's prosperity?" "Write that the evidence turned out useless." "I'm not blaming him." "President, I apologize, but I don't understand." "I was told that the film..." "But that doesn't affect anything." " Okay, lawyer!" "The important is not losing any more time." "Don't have time for this bullshit!" "Silence down there!" "Madam, we have seen your wedding." "Tell us now what happened next... excluding the honeymoon, of course." "Six months after getting married, Alberto, my husband, was recalled as captain of artillery, and sent to the Russian front." "I received only two letters, and then nothing more." "Until the War Department informed me that" "Captain Alberto Ballarini had been reported missing." "I fought desperately for years and years, in the belief that my husband was alive, and now finally I have found him." " This woman is deliberately lying!" "It suits you regain a husband, no matter who!" "I protest against these low insinuations, which tend to influence the Court!" "The Court is immune from any form of influence, lawyer Dell'Orso." "Do not worry." "And you, attorney Rossetti, do not interrupt every five minutes, it's no use." "Let's come to the fact, ma'am." "How did the defendant behave during the period in which he was entrusted to you by Professor Gioberti?" "When, after 18 years, my husband Alberto set foot again in the house, it seemed to us that nothing had changed in him." "Oh, home, sweet home!" "Each room, a beloved object, each corner, a memory." "So you remember also our butler?" "Of course, my dear!" "I remember the butler, the valet, the maid, the cook, the chauffeur..." "How are you, old chap, huh?" "Let me embrace you!" " One moment!" "What the lady has so far declared contrasts with testimony given in inquest by the butler of the Ballarini." "I told the truth." "I don't know what else said the butler." "I'll tell you." "Question:" ""Did you recognize the amnesiac, on arrival at the villa, as Mr. Alberto Ballarini?"" "Answer:" ""When I saw him enter he seemed to me the engineer, but soon after I had to change my mind because..."" "Home, sweet home, tiny as you may be, like a palace you're to me." "Well, tiny by manner of speaking." "It's 12 rooms." "12 rooms!" "?" "My, how time flies, huh?" "I left this home that was thus tiny, and now, I find it grown up." "Here's our butler, remember?" " Him?" "Huh!" "How are you, my good Francis?" "My name is Chris, sir." " Merry Christmas, then!" " Please." "Happy Easter, Easton!" " Please." "You're Miss Brown." "I'm White, sir." "Well, got a suntan, huh!" " Please." " If I'm not wrong, this is Assumption." "No, this is Colomba." "You got the wrong assumption." "Well, right or wrong, there still is an Assumption." "And then, who are you?" "What do you want?" "Why're you meddling?" "What are you?" "You a relative?" "An akin?" "A sibling?" "A kinsman?" "An ascendant?" "Since I recognized my wife he's always around!" "But what's this?" "Forgive me, Alberto." " Alberto?" "Who's Alberto now?" "But, you, dear." " Oh, yes, it's true!" "It's true, is true." "Forgive me, little one, but you know, after so long, this amnesia..." "It's understandable." " But can't you qualify yourself?" "Will you say who you are?" "I don't take it anymore, you know?" "Exactly, I was apologizing to you because with all this confusion," "I forgot to tell you that Dr. Zannini is our administrator." "Him?" "Our administrator?" "My administrator!" "My salaried?" "My employee?" " Yes" "You're payed by me?" " I've the honor to serve you from 10 years." "I have served you for 10 years." " For 10 years?" "You've served me?" "Yeah?" "Yes?" "You've served..." "Darling, Zannini helped me look after our interests, you know, I was alone." "Alone?" "You were alone?" "With all these servants!" "But what do you think?" "That I steal?" "But you know how I earn my money?" "You know what I do to earn money?" "We know." " We know." " So tell me!" "Cause I don't remember." "You are the owner of a firm of contracts and construction." "Contracts...?" " ...and construction." "So I contract and build." " Exactly." "And where I build, where I contract?" " Everywhere." " Well." "And how's my business?" " Very good!" "The company closed its accounts with 90 million profit!" "Closed its accounts with 90 million profit?" "And you, administrator of my boots, close the budget with 90 million profit?" "With 90 million profit, the budget is to be left open!" "Got it?" "You leave it to float, floating!" "Oh, look at that!" "Dear, he closed the budg..." " Very bad!" "And I open it!" "I'm the master, and I open the budget!" "And if I meet someone with budgets in the street, I open them!" "I don't care!" "Now..." " Shut up!" "Say." "I'll explain." "First dismiss the servants." " Oh, yes?" " Yes." "Oh, you give me orders?" "You say: "dismiss the servants."" "Just like that, you tell me to dismiss!" "But I'll dismiss you, you know?" "Now that I'm here after 18 years, you want to economize?" "We must expand, we need to spend, I must enjoy my lost time!" "Got it?" "Merry Christmas!" " Thank you." " Please!" "But dear, Zannini wanted the servants to leave." " Oh, yes?" "If so, they may go away, but must stay around!" "Go!" "The doctor remains for lunch?" "Who called the doctor?" "I'm fine." "I'm the doctor, engineer." " But you're doctor or engineer?" "I am doctor, graduated in economics." "But are you the administrator?" " Exactly!" " But then..." "I don't understand!" "Who is it?" "We have visitors." "Let them in." " Now madam." "They arrived earlier than expected." " Who are they?" "Must be your dear brothers." " Doll, am I not an only child?" "No, alas." "You have two brothers." " It's true, how stupid!" "Peter and Paul." "But no!" " Castor and Pollux." " Neither!" "Giorgio and Francesco." "True, Giorgio and Francesco." "Franc..." "Francesc..." "Francescone my handsome, how are you?" " Look, you are mistaken, you know?" "You're embracing our lawyer." " Because we are your brothers." "Yeah, that's you!" "But why we stay here?" "Please, be comfy." "Let's enter here." "Occupied?" " Alberto!" "Please, come this way." "This way, please." " Alberto, please, this way." "Please, sit down." "Thanks, we're better off standing." "But how, among brothers, we do ceremonies?" "We're still not certain of being brothers!" "Yet!" "Yet the chin seems that of Alberto." "Yes, strong-willed, energetic, slightly shifted to the left." "Oh, no." " Why not?" " No..." " Why not?" "Alberto had it shifted to the right." " You're wrong, Francesco." "It's before my eyes!" "I assure you, he had it shifted this way." "Settle it:" "left or right?" "I'm sure: it was shifted to the right." "Before, though!" "But now the world is going left, and my chin complied." "Yes, I'm sure, it's him." "It's me, dear brother!" "And you too!" "No, no, what's that?" " Hey!" "So?" "What I've got, the scabies?" "And the nose!" " Huh?" "The nose?" "He has even the nose!" " I've the nose?" "My God!" "I've always had my nose!" " But it's not his." " No, it's his." "I have it from birth!" "I'm the owner of this nose!" "Exactly!" "Alberto had another." "Alberto?" "Two noses?" " No!" "And an eye..." "Two noses?" " No." " Two noses and one eye?" "What?" " What had, Alberto?" " A different eye than yours." "Is not this?" "Which is it?" " No, no." " The fish eye!" "God forbid!" "Indeed, smile a bit." "Oh, the smile!" "But you remember when Alberto smiled?" " Oh!" "That's a sneer!" " What is it?" " A sneer!" " Don't offend me!" "I won't allow you to tell me sneer, OK?" "I allow anything, but not sneer!" "Please..." " I go into a rage!" " Stop a moment!" " Bloody hell!" "Look to the right..." " Grin to me!" " In profile." " At my age!" "Like that." "Stop!" " Wait, I wet my lips!" " Stop." "Smile!" "Six prints for me." " No, no!" " Why?" "Enough!" "Your comedy is useless!" "I found my husband and no one will take him away." " So keep him, we won't object." "However, it's not our brother." " What?" "She has resurrected me, and you would kill me a second time?" "They have it with me." "Your brothers hated me ever since you married me." "He's not our brother." " You're Cains!" "Cains!" "How can you not feel the call of the blood?" "Giorgio!" "Francesco!" "We are brothers, sons of a mother, and a father." "We're blood relatives!" "The blood!" " What blood?" "Go!" " I say..." "About blood..." "The wound!" " Oh yeah!" "The wound." "Last time Alberto wrote from the front he said he got a nasty wound on the Don." "I have that wound." " Where?" " On the Don!" "Show it, then." "Show it to us!" "Where, here in public?" "Then, there's a lady." "It's in a delicate spot." " Delicate?" " Very delicate!" "Alright, here's a folding screen." " Great idea!" "We go behind the screen." "No, not you." " Why?" "For two reasons you cannot come:" "First, because I detest you, second, you're not a sibling." "Sibling, to us!" "Let's go." "So then?" "Hurry up!" " Hold on, give me time!" "Where is it?" " Here!" " Where?" " This one." "Can't see it!" " How come?" " Where is it?" " And what's this?" "!" "And that would be the wound?" " Yeah!" " Come on!" "Stop making fun of us!" " It's an operation for appendicitis!" " Oh, yeah?" "Why, you think the Don Cossacks, when they wound, they care for appendicitis?" "The Cossacks handle the cold weapon like a scalpel." "A Don Cossack, with a bayonet thrust, sliced off my friend's tonsils!" "Nonsense!" " We shall meet in court!" "Let's meet where you please!" "In court, in district court, in the Assize Court, at the bar!" "Got it?" "And you two, put it in your head:" "I am your elder brother!" "I am engineer Alberto Ballerina!" "It's not true!" " Who's that!" "It's not true!" "It's not true!" "You're not my father!" "You're not my father!" "You're not my father!" "You're not my father!" "You're not my father!" "You're not my father!" "You're not my father!" "Why, Mrs Polacich, did your son rail against the defendant rather than embrace him, as would any child who finds his father?" "What can I say, President, my Carlino was so happy to have found his father, that, when he heard him scream...shout:" ""I am engineer Ballarini", instead of saying that he was Antonio Polacich, he was so disappointed that he reacted that way." "You have a picture of your husband?" " Yes, Mr. President." "Here it is." "Here." "It's the only one I have." "But I can't see anything." "Your husband's face was erased." "It was my son, Carletto." "When he was a little older I had to tell him that his father had abandoned me." "President, he burst into tears, grabbed the photograph and, with the pencil he had for drawing puppets, he's erased, with so much anger, the muzzle of his father." "Alright, sit down, sit, sit." "Tell me, Mrs. Polacich, why did your husband abandon you?" "When we escaped from Pula, my husband and I, we were put in a refugee camp." "There, Antonio ran into a woman, a Slav like himself, and he lost his head." "And so one day, a few months before my son was born, he returned to Yugoslavia with that one." "Since then I had no more news of him." "You recognize in the defendant Antonio Polacich?" "Yes." "Silence!" "You allow, President?" " Go on, lawyer." "Assuming, without conceding, that my client is the refugee Antonio Polacich, how come a Slav speaks with an accent so distinctly Neapolitan?" "If you allow, President, I'll explain." "Antonio's father was an officer at the post office, and when Pula passed to Italy, was transferred to Afragola, a small town near Naples." "It is there that Antonio was born, as you can see from this certificate." "It's just like the lady says, lawyer." "If you wish to check." "No, no need to, thanks." "Only, would you mind asking Mrs. Polacich why she waited, to recognize in the amnesiac her husband, only until when he was entrusted to Mrs Ballarini, and did not when the newspapers published his picture?" "Huh?" "I wanted no more to do with him." "But then I had to give in to my son's insistence." "He too wanted a dad, like all his school mates." "And then, I would have done it anyway, when he was arrested as Giuseppe Lobianco." "A woman may even hate the husband who abandoned her, but not to the point of sending to jail the father of her son." "This Polacich is really a good woman." "A worker." "Tell me about it!" "A husband like that, I would give him a life sentence!" "What's up?" "You talk like a real woman!" "What am I, fake?" "Well..." " No, no, to me you're fine as you are!" "Silence!" "Silence!" "The defendant recognizes in this woman his wife?" "I don't know." "I had already recognized another." "However, after the invective of that dear child, and there is irony in the "dear" because" "I got a bit fond of him, yes, I went to visit them often and, what do you want President, in my mental confusion it's likely that doubts may arise." "What can I say, you've got to understand, an actual correspondence" "I have not felt it!" "Yes, she's a good woman, no doubt a good housekeeper, she cooks well, sews, washes and irons, but President, you know..." "Understand me." "The child recognized you though." "Since when it's the children who recognize the fathers?" "Since the world began, it's the fathers who acknowledge their offspring!" "Defendant, limit yourself to only answer inherent things!" "Mrs. Polacich, you may go." "Gentlemen, just one is the identity of this poor amnesiac!" "He always pretended to be such, to escape the punishment awaiting him." "I do not know the reasons that led these two women to claim him as husband, but I'm sure that he's Lobianco, and I ask thus to be heard the testimony of his accomplice who denounced him," "Fernando Meniconi." "Bailiff, call the witness Meniconi." "Call the witness Meniconi." "Mr. Meniconi in court!" "Mr. Meniconi in court!" "Excuse me accountant, you happen to know if this Meniconi is a relative of the pharmacist of Calascibetta, Ciccio Meniconi?" "I don't know who he is, I don't know him." " What?" "Ciccio Meniconi, the one whose wife ran off with the trombone of the band!" "But what do I care of this Ciccio Meniconi?" "Now they call him Ciccio the Ram." "The cuckold!" "Go away, leave me alone!" "Swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, I swear." "Sit down, thanks." "There was a nail here, thank God they took it off." "Silence!" "Come to the facts." "Well, in short, before teaming up with me, Peppe Lobianco had done quite a few scams." "Scams, thefts American style, Neapolitan frauds." "Well... fact is, he always had... well, luck, let's say." "Instead, I did a couple of "jobs" after the war, and they nailed me, and for some charges pending," "I came out the other year." "Here I am." "We already know your curriculum." "Tell us about Lobianco." " Oh, well..." "So, we made this partnership, me and Peppe Lobianco, soon after the war, when there were no more cars, and people pedaled, in 1947." "It was Peppe's idea." "Good idea it was...good idea it was." "In short, he invented the illegal parking, okay?" "What'd he do?" " He took a rack and placed it in front of a factory." "When the workers came with the bikes, he took the bikes, put them in the rack, and gave them a receipt, a true receipt of delivery, regular." "I don't see where is the offense." "And I'm there for what?" "No wonder they call me..." ""the Napoleon of the bicycle"." "When Peppe had done the load, the rack completely full, he made two shepherd whistles, so I arrived with the truck." "There." "And then what?" " And then, Peppe on one side, I on the other, we took the entire full rack, we loaded it on the truck, and away!" "So, from district to district, from town to town, in short, we did the tour of Italy, with bicycles!" "The defendant admits he did, in cahoots with Meniconi, this tour of Italy with the bicycles?" "Yessir." "I admit it." "I got the pink jersey, and he, the striped pajamas!" "My partner, however, has forgotten about the robbery at the gas station on the road to Terracina." "Huh?" "Which?" "What robbery at gas station?" "What is it?" "What?" "Don't you remember?" "We filled him up, with gasoline!" "The car, we put gasoline in the car!" "No, no, no, President, in the attendant." "Yes!" "He held him, and I pumped the super in his mouth." "But you say?" "Are you crazy?" "It's not true, President, I never killed anyone!" "I am an honest thief!" "Silence, I said!" "Continue." "President, don't listen to him." "He does so out of modesty." "Tell me, and you remember the job of the statuette of jade in the villa of the Baroness?" "What Baroness?" "You liar!" "It's a lie!" " Silence!" "Let him speak." "Tell us about this job with the statuette." "Yessir." "At night we went to steal indeed in this villa, and to her misfortune the Baroness was still awake, and she got such a statuette blow on her head that the poor Baron remained ipso facto widower." "Hick!" "What're you saying?" "Who knows you?" "Who ever saw you?" "Oh, you don't know me?" "Never seen me?" "Sir, what I said is not true, I don't know him, I've never seen him!" "I know, yes, now you can charge me with perjury, Registrar, write, 3 months to 3 years..." " Take him away!" " Enough!" "I've always been an honest thief, I never killed anyone!" "I'll kill you!" "President, have you heard?" "That sort of gentleman wanted to blackmail me." "I don't know who he is, I don't know him, I never saw him!" "I only remember that one day he came to me asking for 200,000 lire for not saying who I was." "I kicked him out!" "And, in revenge, he denounced me." "That's why I'm here." "I could have also given him the 200,000, because I didn't lack the means, but I didn't want to, and you know why?" "Because I am not Lobianco!" "Of course it's more comfortable to be engineer Ballarini." "No, no, it's uncomfortable." "Indeed, very uncomfortable." "And I'll tell you more:" "that I'm not even the engineer Alberto Ballarini!" "But in short, who are you?" " Dunno!" "Silence!" "Silence, or I'll clear the courtroom!" "Defendant, come to the witness stand." "Immediately, President." "Here he is." "Listen, but why, after having always maintained from the first meeting with Mrs Ballarini to be Alberto, now suddenly you say that you are not?" "But..." "Hey!" "Let me explain, President." "The house that my wife called our love nest, during my stay, I found the nest, but love, not even a shadow." "Now, I say:" "a wife who finds her husband after 18 years, although he's a little bit matured as the here present, however, I say, she longs for, right?" "And in fact, I longed for." "President, believe me, on what I hold most dear, I yearned!" "And instead every night my wife gave me a kiss on the forehead, let me sleep in the office, and she, as if nothing were, retired to her apartments." "After 15 days I decided to break the procrastination, and in fact, President, believe me, I broke it!" "Oh God!" "Pum, pum, pum!" "I've got my heart in my throat." "St. Gemini, patron of males, support me." "Support me!" "I don't dare..." "I dare!" "Who is it?" "It's me, Alberto, your affectionate spouse." "Take your time, hurry up!" "What is it, Alberto?" "You feel bad?" " No, no, not at all." "In fact, dare I say, I feel great, I feel in shape." "But, then, what do you want?" "How?" "Is not clear a priori what I want?" "Doll, what may want a male spouse after 18 years of absence from his female spouse?" "Shall I tell you?" "A little bit of closeness!" "Excuse me." " Alberto!" "Please, Alberto, go and rest." "But I'm not tired, not even at all." "Far from it!" "Oh, no, Alberto." "You have suffered, you've been to war, you need a real rest." "Yes, the rest of the warrior?" "Come here, sweetheart, come here sweetie." "Be reasonable!" "You've suffered a trauma, you have to recover!" "You are not yet ready, prepared." "Prepared?" "But why, I must pass an examination, perhaps?" "Do I need a license, perhaps?" "Ask me some questions on the subject, and I will respond ad hoc." "You're not yet fully healed." "You still suffer from amnesia." "What does it mean?" "Even an amnesiac remembers what to do." "And then, it's a matter of instinct, darling!" " Enough, please!" "I don't want that someone finds you here." "Someone find me in here?" "You're saying a heresy, come on." "But how, in your room there is someone passing?" "And then, even if someone came, sorry, what's so strange?" "After all, I'm your husband!" "They ring?" "The phone?" "Hello?" "Yes." "Ballarini's home." "What?" "At this hour?" "But no, I say!" "Sorry, you know..." "Who is it?" " A guy." "Asks for Zannini." "Says it's urgent." " But, who brings us Zannini?" "Here, at night!" "That's what I say." "Excuse me, it's absurd." "But what do you want, Zannini here at this hour?" "But..." "Oh, yes?" "Yeah?" "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." "Well, now I tell him." "Zannini?" "It's for you!" "Ugh!" "Yeah, I know..." "Yes!" "?" "What?" "You are an idiot!" "You're fired!" "Thank you." " Please." "Here you are." ""No... you're tired"..." ""you still suffer from amnesia"..." ""Someone may see you"..." "That someone was him, the administrator, who, as if nothing, slips under the bed." "True, he who administers, eats as well." "But you, you're gobbling the whole soup, my friend!" "And the soup is mine!" "Now, what should I do?" "I ought to shoot!" "What shoot and shoot, don't talk nonsense!" "For my honor!" "I've caught you under my wife's bed." "You know well she's not your wife!" " No?" " No." "She's not my wife..." "She's not my wife..." "But she recognized me!" "No." "I took advantage of the similarity with my husband, and of your providential loss of memory." "And why?" "Why take advantage of my misfortune?" "I'll explain:" "The brothers of the lady's husband, after the legal deadlines, have filed for alleged death so to get two-thirds of the assets of the engineer." "I had dragged things for long, since the issue of those missing in Russia was not clear." "But now that my brothers in law were about..." "In short, it was to the good opportunity which cut the Gordian knot." "Yeah!" "And in this case, Gordius would be me." "But no, no, you're not the real husband!" "Yes, but, in the eyes of the world, I am the engineer Alberto Ballarini." "And if I accepted this triangle, dear you," "I would be Alberto, engineer, Ballarini, and cuckold." "Try to understand, Sandro and I loved each other before you came on the scene." "Yes?" "Then it means that I exit..." "But no, wait..." " Zannini don't touch me, please!" "I don't like you!" "I never liked you ever since I first saw you." "Like love at first sight." "How to say?" "Antipathy at first sight, got it?" "And now, besides being obnoxious, you make me a wee bit disgusted." "There!" " Look, what's your name, listen, accept the situation, you have everything to gain!" "A name, a social status, a bank account and a house!" "Yes, huh?" "And the wife?" "I am not your wife." "So not even the name, the bank account, the house, etc., belong to me." "Well, look, you want my advice?" "Don't miss out on luck, play along." "Oh, yes," "I could play along." "I would accept to play my part, and, playing the part of the engineer Alberto Ballarini," "I would also be jealous of my wife." "It is the role play, Zannini." "If I accept the role, I have to play out." "Full-fledged husband, or nothing." "Think about it." " Think about it." "No, no, think about it yourselves." "And give me an answer." "The answer, they haven't given it yet, and I don't know if they'll give it now." "But this man is a fool!" " Please!" "Amnesiac!" "Amnesia of the distant past, because the recent past," "I remember well, sure enough!" "He's just a madman, a poor madman!" "President, I can not continue to defend a man who doesn't know what he says!" " Silence!" "Let's go." " Silence!" "Silence!" " Silence!" "Let us speak!" "Defendant!" " Yes!" " Silence, you too!" "But how?" " You see?" "It ended in crap!" "But I got to do with that?" "Look, you claim not to be Lobianco, you know you're not Ballarini, you don't remember being Polacich." "But in short, you, who are you?" "Who am I?" "President, I have already said, I do not know." "It is you who must give me a name." "Ballarini, Lobianco, Polacich." "For me, any name is fine." "I was born yesterday, I am a child." "Can a child be blamed if they name him Prosdocimus, Themistocles or Xenophon?" "No!" "The parents are to blame." "And in this case, gentlemen of the Court, you are my parents." "Yes, I could have stayed Ballarini." "Blackmailed and cuckolded?" "No, that's not dignified." "I chose freedom." "I could happily go to jail as Lobianco, so, what have I to lose?" "Nothing." "Or, acknowledge to be Polacich, especially since the good woman wouldn't have any material goal in saying I'm her husband." "But I, Mr. President," "I don't remember who I am, this is the real point." "Who am I?" "I don't know." "You tell me!" "If you deem really necessary to have name and surname." "I rely on your judgment." "Fido!" "Dear!" "Fido!" "You called him Fido!" "Then you recognized this dog?" "If anything, the dog recognized me!" "And then, I called him Fido since almost all dogs are named Fido." "President, I learn now that the true Giuseppe Lobianco was arrested at Montalto di Castro while trying to steal a sheep herd." "And is currently detained in Civitavecchia." "I therefore request the suspension of the trial and the immediate release of the defendant." "Fido, have you heard?" "You've heard, Fido dear?" "JUDICIAL PRISON" "Don't worry, no photographers." "That's why you go out through here." "Thanks, boss." "Fido!" "I knew you'd come!" "My big beautiful dog, dear, dear." "Thanks, boss." " Don't mention it!" "Fido, let's go, come!" "And the suitcase, don't you take it?" "Oh, the ..." "It's not mine, give it back to Mrs Ballarini." "Goodbye." "Thanks for coming, but you could have saved yourself the trouble." "I'd have come home to you, as the good husband that from now on I'll be." "You... you're not my husband." "I know." "But, I wanted to hear it from thy mouth." "Pardon, out of your mouth." "But why did you do that?" "The lawyer of the brothers Ballarini gave me some money to recite this part." "I am alone, and I have this son to grow up, and I'm so much in need." "I see." "And then I didn't think I'd hurt you, indeed," "I thought I'd do you good, by averting you from a conviction." "Too bad!" "But, you've got where to go now?" "I got...?" "Yes, if you have somewhere to go." "Oh, don't worry, I'll go where Fido will take me." "Maybe he really knows who I am." "Perhaps he will take me where I lived, where I was born." "Farewell." "Farewell." " Come, Fido." "I'm in your paws." "People of Rome!" "Citizens of the Urbe and of the annexed provinces, listen to my words!" "I know you're a people of constant and stable men!" "Your politeness is proverbial." "Your manners are urbane." "Oh, people of urban constables!" "Listen to me!" "English subs by edam17@KG"