"I deliver perfection..." "and don't brag about it!" ":" "D" "She's not here yet!" "She's having my baby and she's not here!" "It's fine." "Has her water broken yet?" "I don't know." "She told me she'd already passed the mucus plug." "Do we have to know about that?" "What'll you do when you have a baby?" "I'm gonna be in the waiting room, handing out cigars." "Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the '50s." "I don't believe this!" "She could be giving birth in the cab!" "Relax." "It's only $2 for the first contraction and then 50 cents for each additional contraction." "What, it's okay when Chandler does it?" "You have to pick your moments." " Did I miss it?" " She's not even here yet." "What's with the guitar?" "I thought we might be here for a while." "Things might get musical." " Where have you been?" " We stopped at the gift shop." "I wanted a stuffed animal." "Susan wanted a Chunky." "Susan wanted a..." "You're having a baby!" "You don't stop for Chunkies!" "I used to have that bumper sticker." "You see what I mean?" "The One With the Birth" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." ""Stopped for a Chunky!"" "Let it go, Ross." "I got an extra one." "You want this?" " How's my favorite parenting team?" " Dr. Franzblau." "Hi." "I understand you're thinking of having a baby." "I see you're nine months pregnant." "That's a good start." "How are your contractions?" "I love them!" "Each one's like a little party in my uterus!" "They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds." "59 seconds." "Quartz." "Swiss quartz." "Am I allowed to drink anything?" "Ice chips." "They're at the nurse's station." " I'll get them!" " No, I'm getting it!" "Thought you might like some ice chips." " Thanks." " And if you need anything else, I do not believe we have met." "I'm Rachel Greene." "I'm Carol's ex-husband's sister's roommate." "It's nice to meet you." "I'm Dr. Franzblau." "I'm your roommate's brother's ex-wife's obstetrician." "Oh, that's funny!" "I want a baby!" "Not tonight, honey." "I got an early day tomorrow." "Get up." "Come on, let's get some coffee." "Okay, because we never do that." "Shoot, shoot, shoot!" "Or just fall down." "That's good too." "Knick fan?" "Oh, boy, do they suck!" "Listen, lady..." "Look!" "Look at your man, Ewing." "Nice shot." "He couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat." "And who do you like?" " Celtics." " Celtics?" "They couldn't hit a boat if..." "Wait..." "They suck, all right?" "Shut up!" "It's a rebuilding year..." "Let me get the father!" "We need a father over here!" "There's no father." "Oh, sorry." "That's okay." "I'm fine." "Okay." "All right." "Right this way." "All the other pregnant women seem to be going in here." "They're tiny and chubby And so sweet to touch" "But soon they'll grow up And resent you so much" "Now they're yelling at you And you don't know why" "And you cry and you cry And you cry" "And you cry and you cry And you cry" " Thanks, Ross." " I'm paying you to stop." "Oh, look, twins." "Hi, guys." "Oh, cute." "No fair!" "I don't even have one!" "How come they get two?" "You'll get one." "When?" "Tell you what." "When we're 40, and if neither of us are married what do you say we have one together?" "Why won't I be married when I'm 40?" "I just meant hypothetically." ""Hypothetically", why won't I be married when I'm 40?" "What is it?" "Is there something unmarriable about me?" "Well?" "Dear God!" "This parachute is a knapsack!" "Look at you, dressy-dress." "Did you go home and change?" "It's an important day." "I want to look nice." "Has Dr. Franzblau been by...?" "I haven't seen him." "Where is he?" "He is supposed to be here." "What if the baby needs him?" "What's the deal with you and doctors?" "Is your father a doctor?" "Yeah." "Why?" "No reason." "Mom, we've been through this." "No, I am not calling him." "I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk!" "No, I am not alone." "Joey's here." "What do you mean, "Joey who"?" "Joey who?" " Tribbiani." " Joey Tribbiani." "Hold on." "She wants to talk to you." "Take the phone!" "Yeah, it's me." "We're just friends." "Yeah, I'm single." "Twenty-five." "An actor." "She's not much of a phone person." "So what's the deal with this father guy?" "If someone was having my baby, I'd wanna know about it." "Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood?" "Look, maybe I should just go." "Maybe you should." "Good luck and take care." "Know what the Celtics' problem is?" "Players run the team." "That is so not true!" " Oh, it is!" " It isn't!" " Breathe." " Breathe." "You're gonna kill me!" " Fifteen more seconds!" "14, 13, 12..." " Count faster!" "It'll be okay!" "Just keep focusing on Jordy!" "Who the hell is Jordy?" "Your son." "I don't have a son named Jordy." "We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie." "Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend so we went back to Jordy." "What do you mean, back to Jordy?" "We never landed on Jordy!" "We just passed by it during the whole Jesse/Cody/Dillon fiasco." "Cramped leg!" " I got it!" " I got it!" "I'm doing it!" "You get to sleep with her!" "I get the cramps!" "No, you don't!" "That is it!" "I want both of you out!" " She started it!" " He did!" "I don't care!" "I'm trying to get a person out of my body here and you're not making it any easier!" "Now go!" " Thanks a lot." " See what you did?" " Listen..." " Out!" "Breathe!" "Breathe!" "What is that?" "Something exploded!" "It's just her water breaking." "Calm down!" "Water breaking?" "What do you mean?" "What's that?" "Breathe." "Breathe." "Oh, please!" "This is so your fault!" "How is this my fault?" "Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along." "There's a lot Carol never did before I came along." " Are you trying to be clever?" " You are so threatened by me!" "Hey!" "Okay!" "All right!" "That's it!" "Get in here!" "My God, you guys!" "I don't believe you!" "There are children coming into the world here and your fighting noises are not the first thing they should hear!" "So just stop all the yelling!" "Just stop it!" "Don't make me do this again!" "I don't like my voice like this!" "Who wants to hear something ironic?" " Help!" " Come on!" " I'm having a baby in there!" " Hello!" "Everyone stand back." "Are they here yet?" "Don't worry, we're gonna find them." "And until we do, we are all here for you." "Okay?" "Anyway, you were telling me about Paris." "It sounds wonderful!" "There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel..." "There you go, dear." "Come on, Lydia, you can do it!" "Push!" "Push him out, push him out." "Harder, harder!" "Push him out, push him out!" "Way out!" "Let's get that ball and really move!" "Let's get..." "I was just..." "Push, push, push!" "What are you gonna do, suck the door open?" "Help!" "Help!" "And they found their bodies The very next day" "And they found their bodies The very next..." "Mom, everything's going fine." "Ross is great." "He's in a whole other place!" "No, he's gone." "No, you don't have to fly back." "Really." "What do you mean, "This might be your only chance"?" "Would you stop?" "I'm only 26." "I'm not even thinking about babies yet." " Where have you been?" " I just had a baby." "Mazel tov!" "It could be one hour or three." "But relax." "She's doing great." "So tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?" "Not at the moment, I'm not." "Are you?" "No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me." "Right." "Yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors." "No, really." "I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know where I do." "I try not to let work affect my personal life." "But it's hard when, when you do what I do." "It's like..." "Well, for instance, what do you do?" "I'm a waitress." "Aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day and you're, like:" ""If I see one more cup of coffee"..." "Gotcha." " I'm gonna check up on your friend." " That's fine." "How did you know I was here?" "Your mom called me." "So is this her?" "No, this is a loaner." "Listen, I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself." "I wasn't by myself." "I had a doctor, nurse and a helper guy." "So did you see who won the game?" "The Knicks by 10." "They suck!" "They're not so bad." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Damn it!" "Damn it!" "Damn it, damn it!" "This is all your fault!" "This should be the greatest day of my life!" "My son is being born, and I should be in there!" "Instead, I'm stuck in a closet with you!" "I've been waiting for this just as much as you have!" "Believe me, no one's been waiting for this as much as I have." "And you know what's funny?" "You get to go home with the baby." "Where does that leave me?" "You get to be his father!" "And who am I?" "There's Father's Day!" "There's Mother's Day!" "There's no Lesbian Lover Day!" "Everyday is Lesbian Lover Day!" "This is so great!" "Do you wanna explain that?" "I mean, when I was growing up, my dad left and my mother died and my stepfather went to jail." "I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one." "And here's this baby who has three whole parents who care so much that they fight over who gets to love it the most and it's not even born yet!" "It's just the luckiest baby in the whole world." "I'm sorry." "You were fighting." "Where are they?" " I'm sure they'll be here soon." " They wouldn't miss this." "Relax!" "You're only at nine centimeters, and the baby's at zero station." "You are really frightening me." "Help me!" "Trying to rip out my heart!" "That's great!" "Anybody seen a nipple?" "Ten centimeters." "Here we go." "All right, time to start pushing!" "But they're not here yet!" "I can't tell the baby to wait for them." "Oh, God!" "Okay, got the vent open." "I'm Ben." "I'm hospital worker Ben." "It's Ben to the rescue!" "Ben, you ready?" "Give me your foot." "On three, Ben." "One, two, three." "Come on, Ben." "That's it, Ben." "What do you see?" "I see what appears to be a dark vent." "Wait!" "Yes, it is, in fact, a dark vent!" "Pheebs, it's open!" "It's open!" "Wait!" "You forgot your legs!" "Push!" "Push!" "We're here!" "We're here!" "Where have you been?" "Long story, honey." "I need you to keep pushing." "I need..." "Excuse me, can I have this?" "There's too many people here!" "There's about to be one more!" "So anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner out you go!" " Bye-bye!" " Good luck, you guys!" "Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?" "Out!" "Here he comes!" "Let me see!" "I've got to see, I've got to see!" "A head!" "It's huge!" "How are you doing this?" "You're not helping!" "You're doing great!" "You're doing fine!" " Hello?" " Oh, sorry!" "What do you see?" "What do you see?" "We got a head." "We got arms." "We got..." "Look at the little fingers!" "A chest and a stomach and it's a boy, definitely a boy!" "Legs, knees and feet." "He's here!" "He's a person!" " Look at that!" " Who does he look like?" "Kind of like my Uncle Ed, covered in Jell-O." "Really?" "You guys, he's beautiful!" "Thanks, Pheebs!" "No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy." "How about Ben?" "I like Ben." "Ben." "Ben's good." "How come you never mentioned Ben before?" "We just cooked it up." "That's what we were off doing." " Can we come in?" " Yeah, come on." "Come on." "I know." "I know." "Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet." "This is Ben." "Hi, Ben." "Ben, this is everybody." "Susan, he looks just like you." "Thanks." "Oh, God!" "I can't believe one of us actually has one of these." "I know." "I still am one of these." "Can I?" "Okay, the head." "You gotta..." "I'm your Aunt Monica!" "Yes, I am!" "I'm your Aunt Monica!" "I will always have gum." "Ben I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around like this." "But I'll still always come back like this." "And sometimes, I may be away longer like this." "But I'll still always come back like this." "And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third and I'll go like this." "He is so amazing!" "Yeah, I know." "Look at him!" "Nothing." "I don't think that's his name." "Look, he's closing his eyes." "Look, he's opening his eyes." "He doesn't do much, does he?" "Nope, this is pretty much it." "You guys wanna get some coffee?" "I'll see you guys later." "Look, he's closing his eyes again."