"We've been to bed together." "What is she like?" " Want me to give you the condom?" " Come on, man." " Why don't you try her yourself then?" " Sure, whatever." "You look tense." "Almost like you're on a live broadcast." "No, this is more like a re-run." "Thristur's reviewing last night." "Can I buy you a drink?" "Or would you rather have the money?" "Fuck off." "My name is Hlynur Bjõrn Hafsteinsson." "I was born on a Saturday." "Today is Saturday." "Life is one week." "I drop dead each weekend." "I'll be dead after I die and I was dead before I was born." "Life is a break from death." "Hlynur here." "I'm probably home right now so please talk to me after the beep, I'm listening." "Hlynur." "Hlynur Bjõrn." "I need to talk to you." "Pick up the phone." "I know you're there." "You fucking bastard." "Why don't they show any porn in the morning?" "It's easier to get the rest up once your dick's up and about." "Maybe you'd wake up earlier, at least before it gets dark just to brighten up your day a little." "I wonder what sort of a child I was." "Was I funny or just plain idiot?" "I've never had much luck with the opposite sex." "Maybe I'm just sexually retarded." "You're up early." " I bought you some underpants." " What?" "Yeah." "My mother works at the Purchasing Institute." "My mother is a purchasing institute too." "Aren't they nice?" "It's a bit stuffy in here, dear." "Don't you think so?" "Well, aren't you going to read it?" " What?" " The letter." "You already have, haven't you?" "They've probably found a job for you." "Great." "Get dressed." "What?" "Get dressed." " A friend of mine is coming to dinner." " What friend?" "Lola Milagros." "Who?" "She's from Spain." "Is it something to do with your Flamenco lessons?" "There's no need for that." "Ugh, that's disgusting." "When are you going to grow up?" "Sorry, I know it isn't any of my business." "Is she here already?" "So early?" "Lola!" " Hi." " Hi." "Welcome." "It's cold." "So, tell me, Hlynur." "What is it you do in life?" " Me?" " You." "Nothing." " Nothing?" " Yeah." "But, what kind of nothing?" "The nothing kind of nothing." "I take after my mum as much as my dad gives me the chance." "He's big and brawny, I'm little and scrawny." "Like an embryo." "My face is just a sort of frame around my glasses." "What?" " What's so funny?" " Nothing." "Nothing." "Nothing kind of nothing." " Is this a Christmas present?" " No, a Christmas tree." "Are you going to use a cactus for a Christmas tree?" "Don't you think it'll look great with lights on?" "Sort of like Ben Kingsley with white tinsel hair." " Is this the latest thing?" " Just a touch of originality." "We're only doing it for Thrir." "Imagine, his first Christmas in the land of ice." "It'll give him a back-to-the-desert feeling." " Jesus, it's roasting in here." " He can't take anything under 422C." "Thrir?" "Come here, boy." "There, there." " Where did you get that thing?" " The cactus?" "What's his name?" "Marri's brother-in-law." "The immigrant at the flea market." "What a thing to say." "He's lived here for ages." "He's still an immigrant." " Fancy letting him fuck your sister." " Shut up." "What's the matter with you, dickhead?" "Get in the back." " Ever thought of buying snow tyres?" " Not worth it." "Are you mad?" "These are original vintage." "What are you pushing and shoving for?" "Recovered from your chlamydia, have you?" "The pub, my second home." "35 square metres crammed to bursting point so crowded and noisy you don't even need to talk or dance." "Saturday nights are Friday nights, part II." "Everyone is talking about last night, like it's a sequel." "Except that everyone who died in part I dies again in part II." "You don't go to bed with a girl and run out as soon as she falls asleep." "I couldn't sleep." "Why not?" "I can't sleep with girls." "Can't you sleep with girls?" "What do you mean?" "I can sleep with them, maybe, but I can't wake up with them." "So you just come and go as you please?" " Well, I didn't actually come." " Hlynur, please." " What are you on, anyway?" " Disability benefit." "I knew there was something wrong with you." "Yeah, 75 percent disabled." "Is that why you're so lousy in bed?" "Hofy lives alone in a three-room apartment and dreams of filling up the other two." "Well that's another weekend over." "Morning." "Why do you keep that picture of him on the wall?" " Of your dad?" " Yeah." " So you can pretend he's dead?" " What a dreadful thing to say." "People don't get their photos hung on the wall unless they are newly born, newly confirmed or dead." "Don't talk like that." "Your father is a part of my life and we did have some good times together." "Some good drinks together, more like." " You ought to see more of him." " I saw him last night, actually." "Oh really?" " Was he--?" " He was great." "Really?" "Yeah, he was in top form." "That's nice to hear." "There's something I've been meaning to tell you." "Lola is going to stay with us for Christmas." "I'd hate to think of her alone in a hotel room." "Won't it be nice to have some company over the holidays?" "Is that all right with you?" "And she can have my room when I nip up north to see your aunt Sigrun for the New Year." "Okay." "Just as long as she brings plenty to smoke." "There will be no hash here this Christmas." "Just to make that clear." "My God, it's about time we quit." "The Coal Yard flea market." "The only serious art museum in Reykjavik." "Here you can find Iceland's greatest cultural treasures." "Have you got any new videos?" " Animal videos?" " Yeah." " That depends." " What have you got?" "Well, there's this pig, quite big and fat." "And a dog that joins in towards the end." "A bit mangy though, mind you." "But the pig is great a star performance." "Mmmm, smells good." "How much?" "For you a special price: 3,500." "Just for you." "Don't you have anything with Rudolph the reindeer?" "What?" "Rudolph?" "No, afraid not." "Or turkeys?" "I'm looking for something a bit Christmassy." "Thristur." "Come on." "I bet Thristur's buying that for Thrir." "He's been a bit lonely of late hasn't slithered over a female recently." "Marri." "Nice to see you." "Hello, amigo." "How you've grown." " What can I do for you?" " We want a Christmas tree." "Are you together?" "I'll show you a fine tree." "This is an eco-friendly Christmas tree." "You can use it over and over again." "No mess with the green stuff on your floor." "You don't have to vacuum clean all the time." "I mean, look, just plug it in and no problem." "How much?" " It's 5,500." " 4,000?" " You could have it for 5,000." " I've only got 4,000." " 5,000." " 4,000." "I'll let you have it for 4,500, okay?" "But don't tell my wife or she'll beat me up." " Okay?" " Okay." "Do you know why Marlboro cigarettes have white filters in America..." " ...but yellow filters in Europe?" " No." "So Keith Richard can tell which continent he's in." "Sorry." "Sorry." " Is that thing meant to be a Christmas tree?" " Yeah, what, don't you like it?" " Don't you think it's a little bit artificial?" " No, no, no." "It's 100% islandic." " Oh, I have to see your forest." " Well, you couldn't see it." ""Hot for the hollyday"" "Where is mum?" "She went out for a moment." "Don't worry." "Mum is gonna come back." "Merry Christmas!" "Merry Christmas!" "Merry Christmas!" "Merry Christmas!" "Yes?" "Hello." "Hello." "Is Hlynur in?" "Hlynur, it's for you." "Hi." "Well, Merry Christmas." "Yeah, thanks." "Christmas Day is the most difficult day of the year the annual family dinner at my sister Elsa's place." "Hlynur, dear." "Don't be so glum." "I always get depressed when I go into the country." " But this is only a suburb." " Exactly." "Do it for me." "Cheer up." "This isn't a funeral." "Family dinner or a funeral." "I'd rather go to a funeral." "At least there's one idiot less then." "Lit up like Las Vegas." "Elsa, Hlynur's here." "Hi." "Nice to see you." "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas, Hlynur." " You're wearing mums glasses." " Yeah." " Nice jumper." " Isn't it?" "A present from his girlfriend." " No, has he got a girlfriend?" " Yes." "Great to see you, Hlynur dear." "So, how is everybody?" "Oh, you know, can't complain." "What was it like at your place last night?" "We had it very cosy." "No, I mean the weather." " The wind really got up here yesterday." " Really?" "Well, it was very calm where we are." "Real barbecue weather, Hlynur said." "Really?" "He said that?" "Out barbecuing yesterday, were we, Hlynur?" "The Christmas dinner?" "Yeah." "Do you get much snow up there at this time of the year?" "I'd say it's a bit more than you get down here." "Yes." "But we've been quite lucky this winter." " Have you now?" " Yes." "And getting that Landcruiser makes a world of difference." " Are these cups new?" " We bought them in Glasgow last year." " Lovely." " And they were quite cheap, really." "Considering the quality." "More coffee, anyone?" " Are you okay, Hlynur?" " What?" "You're very quiet." "Are you alright?" "Yeah, fine." "I was just thinking about the sofa." "How much did it cost?" "How much did the sofa cost?" "God, I can't remember." "Can you, Magnus?" "Like to buy it, would you, Hlynur?" "Yeah." "This is what I call a super sofa." "Comfortable to sit on." "Is there enough room for it in your mum's house?" "Have you seen the video of last year's Christmas dinner?" " No." " Dad, you haven't seen it." "No, I don't think so." "Yes." "I went for one of those new Toyota's." "It's made a world of difference." "I bet it has." "A world of difference." "A world of difference." "Hlynur?" "Give me a hand, will you?" "Thank you, dear." " Have a nice trip." " You too, love." "Take care." " Keep an eye on this fellow here, over the New Year." " Yeah." " I will." " Well, you know me, mum." "Kiss your mother, dear." "Give my regards to Sigrun and Grandma, wherever she lives." "It's called Hvammstangi." " It's freezing." " Welcome to Siberia." "You have to admit though, it has some charm." " Yeah, like dyarhea." " What?" "I tell you one good thing about this place." " No insects, except Hlynur." " Fuck you." " Oh, it must be a real comfort." "No insects, no trees, no nothing." "The only reason why people live here, is because they were born here." "It's a ghost town." "And even the ghosts are dead." "Cut it out, Thristur." "They look really alive to me." " Hello." " Hello, you're looking nice." "Thanks." "Have you seen Hlynur?" " How much do you want for it?" " What do you mean?" " What do you want for your look?" " Are you trying to pick me up?" "What?" "Are you trying or not?" "What do you think?" "Thristur." "Hello." "Thanks for the Christmas present." " Eh?" " Thanks for the Christmas present." "Oh, it was nothing." "Have you seen Lola?" "Lola?" "Who's that?" "She's a friend... a sort of friend of my mother's." "Are you having a night out with a friend of your mother's?" " You could say that." " You're totally out of it." "What's the matter with you?" "You're hopeless." "Reykjavik is like some backwater in Siberia." "Swirling snow in the dark, not a bird to be seen." "Endless weather that makes you wither biting your cheeks, spraying frost in your eyes." "Even the ghosts are bored here." "Lola isn't home yet." "I don't like it." "She's trying to make me miss her." "She's trying to make me become obsessed with her." "She's the type you can never trust." " Hi." " Hi." " How is it going?" " Fine." " You got a smoke?" " Sure." "So, here's where you hide." "What happened to you last night?" "You kind of disappeared." "Yeah." "I bumped into some people who drove me to a party in some village to where we have to drive under this underwater tunnel." " Oh, Akranes." " Akranes." " Was it good?" " Really wild." " And you?" "Where were you?" " Me?" " Nothing." "I stayed in with some videos." " Have you ever been to Akranes?" " I saw a picture of it once, on a postcard." " I can't believe it." "You don't look around much, do you?" "You know, there is more to the Universe than 101 Rejkjavik?" " Is it?" " Yes." "Is." "You are a kind of a hermit." "Living in a mummy's cosy monastery?" "There is something cute about that." " You're such a boy." " Yeah." "But what is going on, inside your head?" "When I was just a little girl" "Come on, you're gonna miss it all!" "No, it looks much better on tv, you know." "It looks more real somehow." " Hlynur, come on." " Yeah." "Coming." "Just bringing the champagne." " Sorry." " Oh, lovely cups." " Thank you." " Happy New Year." " Happy New Year whatever." " So how is your love life these days?" " What?" "The girl who gave you that lovely jumper..." " Who?" "Hofy?" " Yeah." "Looks like she's really got the hots for you." " No." " Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "What's wrong?" "Not good enough?" " Happy New Year." " Same to you." "You must be Hlynur's sister." "Excuse me, I don't speak Islandish." "I see." "A foreigner." "So how do you like Island?" " Yeah." " Bloody great, isn't it?" "It's gonna be a fine year, I can tell." "He just got out of a rehab, you know?" " Cheers." " Cheers." "Wow, it is like a sauna in here." " Yeah, they ougth to keep it nice and warm for Thorir." " Lola." "Who is Thorir?" "Great New Year's hat." " What are you doing here?" " Fuck you too." "Lola, this is Hofy." "Hofy, this is Lola." " Nice to meet you." " So, you're Berglind's friend." " Yeah." " This is my brother." " Nice to meet you." " Hi." " She's moved in with us." " Just for Christmas." "She's got noone else to go to up here in the cold and distant North." "So, what's your New Year's resolution, Hlynur?" "Well, you know, same as usual." "Be out of bed by noon." "Maybe out of the house." "Imagine, I spoted him venturing to the garden today." " Wow." " Wait!" "He even brought the garbage with him." "That must be your good influence." "Maybe, who knows?" "And maybe one day he will venture out into the big wide world and find a place of his own." " So, is that the plan, Hlynur?" " No." "Do you know any single mother out there, who needs someone to look after?" "No." "But I might know of a single girlfriend." "No, no, no, he doesn't seem to be into that, for some reason." " You never know with that guy." " I see what you mean." "I'm still trying to figure him out myself." "You know all about the great divide between the sexes don't you?" " You say that because I'm a lesbian?" " A real lesbian?" " Hofy, please." " Cut it out." "Tell me, what's it like?" "I've always been curious about that, you know?" "To know what it's like." "There's only onw way to find out, my sweetheart." " Can I come too?" " I don't take groups." "Hofy, let's dance." "We're just playing Hlynur hot templer." "Take it easy, you arsehole." "Don't worry, I give you a hand." "Hlynur, don't go yet." "The party's just starting." "There's loads more people on the way." "I'm just popping out, I'll be right back." " I need to talk to you about..." " What?" "It doesn't matter." "What?" " Nothing." " Okay." "Hey, Hlynur..." " Have you heard about Thrir?" " No, what is it?" "He's a she." "Okay, great." "Thrir's a lady." "Should we make him correct?" " Make him erect?" " Make him correct." "Make him correct?" "Yeah." " Call him Thora?" " Yeah, great." " Hlynur, about Hofy" " I'll see you later, I must go." "Thristur." " Hello?" " Hi." "I thought you'd be asleep." "Happy New Year." "Yeah, Happy New Year." "Did you all have a good time last night?" "Yeah, yeah, it was fine." "Did you go to a party?" "What?" "A party, yeah." " So how was it?" " It was great." "And did you take Lola?" "What?" "Oh, to the party?" "Yeah." "And how were things with you?" "Nice and quiet." "We went to the bonfire and visited your granny." "She doesn't go out any more." "We watched the satire programme with her but she didn't get half of it." "It went right over her head." "I thought it was hilarious." "Did you watch it?" "Yeah, but it wasn't as funny in this part of the country." " Oh, really?" " No." "Well, yes." "Lola laughed a bit." "Did she?" " Is Lola with you?" " What?" "I think she's asleep." "Okay, then." "Give my regards to her and I'll see you tomorrow night." " Okay." " Bye, dear." "Everyone says hello." "Bye." "What are you doing?" "Nothing." " Was it your mother on the phone?" " Yeah." "What's the news?" "She says hi and she'll be back tomorrow." "Tomorrow..." "Is that her nighty, you're wearing?" "Very facionable." "You can be such a pervert sometimes." " So, what's up?" " Nothing." "You don't want to talk about it?" "I can't talk and smoke at the same time." " Any Coke left?" " In the fridge." "Thank you." "She was almost possessed." "Was that what being bisexual is like?" "Was that the man in her?" "Compared to her, that trance she was in I was just a sperm donor." "Maybe sex wasn't meant for men." "Hlynur?" " Yes." " Take a seat, dear." "We need to have a little talk." "Are you sure that's necessary?" "Yes, I think it is." "Lola and I have been talking things over." "And?" "I think we both know what I'm talking about." " We do, don't we?" " Yes, we do." "So we might as well be honest with each other." "Well, if you insist, but I can assure you I had" "I'm sorry, Hlynur, but this isn't easy for me." "And you know how people talk." "Who?" "Hlynur, dear..." " I'm in love with Lola." " What?" "I thought" " You're in love with Lola?" " Yes." " How do you feel about that?" " That you're in love with Lola?" "About you being a lesbian?" "That's what they call it." "I don't know." "Does that mean that the two of us can never...?" "I mean, if that's what you are, then that's what you are." "That's just..." "Cool." "Cool?" "Yes." "You don't find it strange?" "It maybe took you a bit long to reach that position." "The right one, I mean." "I know." "Besides, it's all a matter of taste." "No big deal." "Just a question of knowing what you want." "Oh, that's so nice to hear." "Thank you, Hlynur." "It's no problem." "Really." "You don't know what a relief this is to me." "Okay." "By the way." "There's another letter for you from the unemployment office." "Why don't you go and pay a call on them?" "So my mother and I have our fingers in the same pie." "Of course it can happen to anyone accidentally fucking someone in the family." "What am I supposed to call Lola now?" "Stepfather?" " Hlynur Bjõrn Hafsteinsson?" " Yes." "Are you Hlynur?" " Yes, rather." " Yes." "Well, you never know for sure, do you?" "And you haven't found anything to do yet?" "No." " Well, yes." " Oh?" " I did my mother's girlfriend." " Pardon?" "I slept with my mother's girlfriend on New Year's Eve." "My mother was away in Hvammstangi." "But it was an accident and it won't happen again so it's definitely not a job with a future." "We were both drunk." "What do you think?" " Do you think I should tell her about it?" " Who?" "My mother." "Do you think I should tell her about it?" "I don't know." "But there was no need to tell me about it." "So you've no views on adultery within the family?" "Do you realise we sent you five letters this last month?" "Are you married?" "I mean, imagine you're married, okay?" "You haven't exactly been very cooperative, now, have you?" "Imagine you're remarried, then." "You've remarried and your daughter is having it off with her stepfather." "How do you think you'd take it?" "Just sign here, please." " Hey, what do you think you're doing?" " Filling up the meter, it had run out." " Is this your car too?" " No." "So why are you filling up the meter?" "You have to think about other people sometimes too." "Hlynur?" " Hlynur." " Right away." "There's a lunatic here." " I have to talk to you." " Here I am." " Are you the owner of this vehicle?" " That's none of your business." "You can't do that." " Can't I?" " No you can't." "You mean it's illegal to pay for somebody else's meter?" "It's just highly irregular." "Can we go somewhere?" "I can't talk about it here." " Sounds serious." " It is." " So you're saying it's prohibited?" " Not prohibited, but highly irregular." " Do you get a commission?" " No." " You get a kick out of fining people?" " Hlynur." "I'm just trying to do my job." " I can never talk properly with you." " I know." "Am I ruining your work for you?" "Yes." "By doing this you make me unnecessary." " You mean unemployed." " Okay, if you really want it..." " ..." "I'm pregnant." " And if I don't want it?" " What?" " Pregnant?" " Yes." " Who's the father?" " Who do you think?" " Me?" "How?" "Three guesses." "Would you mind coming alone with me, please?" " Me?" "Why?" "I used a condom." " Don't make any trouble." " Come with me." " I don't understand." "Mother's taken the day off." "Is that in the wage contract?" "Out of the closet earns you one day off?" "Hofy called earlier." "I told her you were asleep." "You'd call back when you wake up." "She's Pâll's daughter, isn't she?" "What's his name, the dentist." " Hey!" "What are you going to do?" " Me?" " What, in connection with Hofy?" " No, no, to the future." "Oh, the future." "I don't know." "I suppose I'll end up in an old folks home trying to get it up in front of blue movies." "There must be something you want to do or to become." "No, not really." "You want to spend the rest of your life on social benefit?" "Why not?" "What will happen if everyone want to do the same?" "I mean, what kind of society would that be?" "Well, that's pretty much the way things are going, isn't it?" "And what if welfare was suddenly abolished?" "What then?" "You die?" "No, I don't die." "I suppose I'd go into rehab for a few years and then reasses the situation." " Hlynur, I'm serious!" " Yeah, me too." "Mama, Dad still ows you some child support, doesn't he?" "Maybe I could live on that for a while." "Child support?" "You were 25 by the time we divorced." " So, when does the child support run out?" " It doesn't." "There never was any." "Child support is only for children up to the age of 16." "Are you under 16?" "Up until the age of 16, you say?" "So, that's when the unemployment benefit starts." "And when that runs out, then starts my old age pension." "Oh, God, they have it all figured out, haven't they." "This is some system they've got, Lola." "Who knows?" "Maybe it won't be long till you're paying your own child support." "Sorry, but what stage have you reached?" "What stage?" "You make it sound like a disease." "You act like I've got leprosy." "If it matters to you, six weeks." " And what do you plan to do?" " Have the baby." " No question?" " None." " But, I mean, you know" " Hlynur." "I'm going to have this baby on the 22nd of August, no matter what." "I just hope the baby's not busy on that day." "You're not funny, Hlynur." "I know, this is a serious matter." " Are you sure I'm the..." " Yes." "No doubt about it?" "No." " Hello." " Hello." "I take it you're Hlynur then?" "About time I saw your face." "Can we give you a lift?" "No thanks, it's good to get some exercise." "Have dinner with us some time, so we can get to know each other better?" " That would be nice... some time." " How about tomorrow?" " Tomorrow?" "Well..." " Okay then, Thursday." "Be ready at seven o clock." "I'll pick you up." "My heaviest sentence yet." "Dinner at the posh villa." "I'll never go to bed with a woman again." "Well, I'm sorry to keep you waiting." "Snobville measured in square meters of parquet the kitchen aroma of roasted pork-ette." "Batteries buzzing in pace-makered hearts." "A golden retriever barking in a basket and the freezers full of life after death." "All paid for by the poor public squandering money on sweets." ""I used a CONDOM"" "I should feel calm." "Our bedtime games are over for good." "I don't like people, at least, not live." "Not one on one." "Congratulations." "I hear your mum is finally out of the closet." "Please don't talk to me." "Hlynur." "What are you doing here?" "I wonder what the Pope would make of all this." "Why don't you write to him and ask him?" " I just wanted to say congratulations." " Congratulations for what?" "Your engagement." "Your engagement to my mother." " So you finally had your chat?" " So, what was that anyway?" " What was what?" " Us!" "The other night!" "An accident." "An accident?" "Like a car crash, you mean?" "A luck that nobody got hurt." "Apparently somebody did." "Come on, I was drunk, you were drunk, what is the problem?" "Nowhere." "It's just..." "I've never cheated on my mother before." "I honestly don't think she cares who you sleep with." "What, not even if it happens to be her girlfriend?" "So I'm to blame then." "The wicked Lola seduces the shy and helpless Hlynur?" " Is that it?" " Yes, pretty much!" "And what kind of a lesbian are you anyway?" "Because I'm a bit confused here, you know?" "Sleeping with a man like that!" " You ought to be ashamed of yourself." " Fuck you!" " No, I fucked you!" " As you didn't want to." "Drooling over my tits all day long." "Chasing after me like a love dog with a hard-on." "It worked, didn't it?" "You just can't handle human relations, that's your problem, Hlynur." "The only communication you've got going is to a satellite dish." "Up all night, watching porn videos." "You're sleep-walking through life and you're too dumb to realize it." "Come on, you're not 17 anymore." "Get real." "Wake up." "And get yourself a purpose." "Get yourself a life." " Get myself a life?" "What's life?" " This." " Well, I'm not very impressed." " Of course not." " You were unbelievable, you know." "Incredible." " Thank you." "I'm not surprised my mother came out of the closet for a hot number like you." "I mean who wouldn't have?" "Even I'd be a lesbian, if I only could." "So why make me suffer like this?" "What would you say is the main difference between me and Mum then?" "In bed?" "Come on, just for curiosity say:" "how do you rate on a scale of 1 to 10?" "Lola, have you told him the good news yet?" " I'm pregnant." " What?" "I don't believe this!" " What is this, a conspiracy?" " Don't worry, baby." "It's not yours." " Oh, whose then?" " A friend." "Your mother and I want to have a baby and bring it up together." " Who is he?" " You don't know him." "I don't suppose this has anything to do with the night you were in the underwater tunnel?" "Yes, that's it." " We're going to bring him up together." " Him?" "Yes, we've just had a sonar done." "It's a boy." "Imagine, Hlynur..." "you're going to have a brother." "A brother..." "This is really..." "This is really something." "Hi, Hlynur babe." "Congratulations." "I hear your mum's finally out of the closet." "Good for her." "Actually, I was the one who nudged her out." "Really?" "So you were in the closet too then?" " What did that feel like?" " What did what feel like?" "Sharing the closet with your own mother?" "Let me know when you'll be coming out." "Who's the father?" "The one who performed the deed?" " You mean the donnor?" " Oh, yeah, the donnor." "Is that what you call him?" "How is it, Lola, how is it being with a sperm donnor?" "Quite boring." "I'm just curious, you know." "Have you ever done this before?" "Hlynur, please stop it." "This is none of your business." "I'm just thinking about you, Mum!" " What do you mean, Hlynur?" " Well, you might wanna get pregnant again." "Why are you doing this?" "What's the matter with you?" "It's a hell of a job, being a sperm donnor." "I wouldn't mind doing that." "You should mention that at the job center." "It could open a whole new career for you." "They couldn't say I lack the qualifiquations, could they?" "Do those guys have a union?" "Or is this a freelance kind of thing?" "Stop this." " So, what's the money like?" " The money?" "Is it paid per assignement, or by the shot?" " Is there a fuckmeter on?" " Listen to me, you fuck!" "Son of a bitch!" "Your mother and I want to have that baby." "Together!" "Listen!" "That might be my only and first and last chance." " So what is the fucking problem?" " Why don't you tell her, what happened." "You should tell her, if you find that necessary." "Go ahead!" "Be a man!" "Mother?" "Hlynur." "What are you trying to do?" "Don't act like this." " You'll get used to it." " You'll need the room." "He can keep my Tin-Tin comics." "I'll get my computer later." "Meanwhile he can surf the Net." "You can call me if he wants to check out the porn sites." "Hlynur." "Are you ashamed of me?" "No, that's not the problem." "It's just me." "I'm coming." "I'm coming." "Fast." "I'm coming." "Yeah." "I'm ejaculating." "I have a big, big snake." "Hlynur?" "Do you know the best cure for premature ejaculation?" "Just picture your mum." "I swear, it works every time." "Though I'm not so sure about your mother." "I have a big, big snake." "The boozer-loser-blues piss-up pick-up place." "Old meat served on every table." "Recycled jawbones kissing, pickled bollocks in pussy juice." "Everybody's had everybody." "It's like the waiting room at the VD clinic." "Everybody locked up in the same DNA chain." "Abortions floating between the tables." "This place is haunted by unborn children." "It's like the family reunion of a non-existent family." "Hlynur." "Suck harder." "You'll pay for that." "Piss off." "You fucking son of a dyke." "Nobody treats my sister like that." "Hello?" "Who is it?" "Hofy, hi." " Hlynur?" " Yeah." "Everything fine?" "Fine?" "Had the baby?" "No." "Abortion?" "Yes." "Without even telling me?" "Should I have done that?" "I don't know." "Maybe I'd have thought things over." "If it'll make you feel any better, it wasn't your baby." "Oh?" "No." "What do you mean it wasn't my baby?" "I've had nothing but your womb on my brain for half a year and it turns out it wasn't even my baby." "How can you be so sure about everything?" "Hello?" "Are you still there?" "Hofy?" "Hey, taxpayer got a cigarette?" "You call this a cigarette?" "It's the only thing I've got so early in the morning." " It's okay, just keep on at it." " What do you think you're doing?" "Would you mind leaving?" "Now." " Why?" " Can't you see what we're doing?" " What are you doing?" " Jesus Christ." "I can't go on, get him out of here." "Do you mind if I smoke?" "If you're going to stay you can at least shut up." "This is great material for a documentary." "The Icelandic Intercourse." "Would you call this typical Icelandic intercourse?" " Creep." " Just ignore him." "I mean, really." "This is great stuff." ""Children of Nature"." "It could be a series." "Mating habits around the globe." "How do the Danes do it?" "Do all blacks have big ones and all Japs little ones?" "How do Muslim women come?" "Or do they come at all?" "The Jewish blow job?" "Hasn't anyone studied it?" "This is really great material." "Comparative sexology." "Fuck." "That's it." "You get out this minute, you fucking pervert." "Get out, you filthy bastard." "What do you think you are?" "We can't even have a fuck in peace because of you." "Get out." " Nice tattoo." " Shut up and get out." "Now." "Hey, you live here, don't you?" "Would you mind helping me get this creep out of here?" "He just barged in on us and started watching us like some kind of a pervert." "What's your game anyway?" "Do you think we're putting on some kind of sex show here?" " It was no action-packed performance." " Oh, really?" "You could at least have tried a few more positions." "What?" "You were doing it in my bed?" " Not me." " Not me." " Oli." " Yes." "So..." " ...were you together for long?" " Since the summer." "Summer." "That makes... seven months." "7 divided by 2 makes 3.5." "What score did you get?" "I can't believe it." "Oli." "And imagine, in my bed." "Yeah." "I don't know if it's any comfort but they weren't particularly good." "A pretty boring number, really." "And I thought I was in love with him." "Yeah." "He looked like a nice guy." "Nice earring." "Yes, it's lovely, isn't it?" "I gave it to him." " Yeah?" "Where did you get it?" " Florida." "Florida?" "Orlando?" "Tampa." "Sorry." "That's all right." "I handle cases like this all the time." "Human relations and crying women." "You're special." "Our little boy, all of ours." "Lola will be his mum and my mum will be his dad." "And I'll be his brother but his father too." "And the son of his dad and of his grandmother and his mother's ex-lover." "How will he turn out himself?" "Hlynur." "What a mess you look." "He's in there with Lola." "Come and have a look." "Isn't she tired?" "Shouldn't I come back later?" "No." "Come on." "Come on." "Don't be shy." " Look who's here." " Hlynur." "Hold him." "Look at his cute little nose." "Hlynur had a nose just like that when he was a baby." "Didn't you, Hlynur?" "Thank you for coming." "The worst thing about AIDS as a method of suicide is that it takes so long to die from it." "Hello." "Welcome." "There they are my mother the lesbian, and my father the boozer." "What am I then?" "The offspring of a lesbian and a boozer?" "It's like two birds of different species." "The lesbian bird and the boozer bird." "The boozer is a wetland bird." "He's rather heavy and needs a good run-up to get off the ground." "He can fly for a long time and has good stamina." "Several weeks may pass by before he gets back on the ground." "In between he lies low and goes on the defensive." "Especially for the first days after landing." "The lesbian:" "Unlike the boozer the lesbian is a relative newcomer to Icelandic nature." "She is thought to have migrated from Denmark and Britain." "Her only contact with the male bird is during conception." "In recent years we have witnessed cases of male birds who are unable to fly at all." "The offspring of a boozer and a lesbian is the Hlynur an unusually slow developer that can't fly and remains with his mother for the first 30 years." "The Hlynur is defensive by nature, but harmless." "May Lord protect you from this moment on, forever." "Accept the sign of the holy cross on your forehead and your chest in testimony that your mind and your heart will be devoted to belief in the crucifixion and resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ." "What is the child's name?" " Kristinn Milagros." " Kristinn Milagros I baptise you in the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Ghost." "Amen." ""Mum, forgive me." "If a dead man can miss someone..." ""...then I promise that I'll miss you"." ""Ps." "I'M THE FATHER."" "It's no longer a question of either/or." "Darkness or light right or wrong good or evil." "Everything is right AND wrong." "Everything is good AND evil." "Everything just is." "Did you hear that?" "He said daddy." "You say pappy?" "Bye, darling." "See you later." "Say Mama." "You're gonna be late."