"Are you sure you want to do this, 99?" "Yes, Larrabee, I'm positive." " Well, have you told Max yet?" " No I haven't, but I'll speak to him as soon as he comes in." "Well, I guess you know what you're doing." "99, you won't believe it, you just won't believe it, but I got two tickets for opening night-- front row center, fourth balcony." "Well, I hope you and whoever you take will have a good time, Max." "Well, you see, 99, I was kind of hoping that maybe you might join me." "Oh Max, why couldn't you have asked me something like that months ago?" "But I just got the tickets five minutes ago." "And I couldn't think of anybody else that would go Dutch." "Well, I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you..." " You won't pay for the ticket?" " No, Max, it isn't that." "Well, look, I'll make a deal with you, 99:" "I'll pay for the tickets if you'll pay for dinner." "Max, you don't understand." "Max, I'm leaving Control." "Yes, well, so am I. It's almost 5:00." "I gave the chief my official resignation this morning." "You mean, you're leaving Control for good?" "After all these years?" "But why, 99?" "Why?" "Well, I figured it was about time" "I started thinking about other things." "I mean, a girl's gotta think of her future." "Well, yes, but your future is right here at Control." "Oh, I'll grant you that it's dangerous work" "I mean, you take your life in your hands every waking moment of every waking day-  but it's steady." " Max, you don't understand." "I met this man." "His name is Victor Royal." "I met him on my vacation last summer, on the island of Saint Germain." "Yes, well..." "He's all right, I guess, if you like fantastically handsome men, but, well..." " 99, I always thought" " Thought what, Max?" "Well, I always thought there was somebody else." "Who, Max?" "Forsythe in the decoding room." "Well, after all, you do spend the most of your coffee breaks with him." "Victor has been asking me to marry him ever since he met me, so I finally accepted." "I'm leaving tomorrow morning for the island of Saint Germain." "Max, what's wrong?" "You're not jealous, are you?" "Jealous?" "Of course not, that's ridiculous." "Jealous, why, I'm not jealous." "I'm just a little bit upset, that's all." "It took me a lot of trouble to get these tickets, and I don't know anybody else to take, and they're not refundable." "( theme music playing )" "Make that eight." "Make the eight." "( French accent) Thank you, Louis." "( French accent) Everything is going very well tonight, Monsieur Royal." "Mm-hmm." " Crowd:" "Oh-hh!" " Croupier:" "Seven and up." "Get me another 5,000." "I'm sorry, monsieur," "I'm afraid you've lost enough for one night." "Take the rest." "Welcome to Royal's Casino." " Whose casino?" " Monsieur Victor Royal." " He owns it." " Oh, I see." "I guess Howard Hughes hasn't heard about this place yet." "( rings )" "The Chief speaking." "Hello, Chief?" "Max." " Max, where in the world are you?" " Well, Chief," "I thought I needed a little vacation, so I came to Saint Germain Island." "Saint Germain Island?" "Max, I need you." "Big assignment, eh?" "No, you left with my car keys." "Oh." "Well, I can mail them to you, Chief." "What are you doing there anyway?" "I want to make sure that 99 doesn't make a big mistake." "I don't think this guy Royal is right for her." "Why?" "What did you learn about him?" "Well, first of all, he's very handsome." "He's also thoughtful, kind, considerate, and very rich." "And what is all that supposed to mean?" "He's too good for her, Chief." "You know something, Max?" "I think you're actually jealous." "Jealous?" "Are you kidding?" "That's ridiculous." "Operator, get me the casino." "( phone rings )" "Casino." "Hello?" "Oui, un moment." "Monsieur Royal, telephone pour vous." " Yes?" " Mr. Royal..." "Duck!" "Please, ladies and gentlemen, please, go and play, everything is all right now." "Thank you, monsieur." "Thank you." "If it hadn't been for you, right now I would be a dead man." "Yes, well, in that case you wouldn't have been able to thank me." "Well, I would like to thank you properly." "May I at least make a small bet for you?" "Say, 5,000 francs?" "Five, please." "Thank you very much, but I rarely bet more than a dollar or two." "Numero deux, two." "Since you've saved my life, I think we should meet." "My name is Victor Royal." "Well, my name is..." "Wheel." "Max Wheel." "Number two wins." "Have you been on the island long, Monsieur Wheel?" "No, as a matter of fact, I just got here this morning." " Bets, please." " About 9:00." "Numero neuf." "Number nine." "I hope you don't think I am too impertinent if I ask what you do." "Yes, well, you might say that I'm a soldier of fortune, although right now I'm a soldier without a fortune." "Nine wins." "Neuf." "I'd like to get in touch with you." " Are you staying with us?" " Bets, please." "Yes, I'm staying in cottage four." "Numero quatre." "Four." "You know, Monsieur Wheel, a man in my position is subject to many dangers." "Lately I've been thinking that maybe I do need a bodyguard." "Would you be interested, Monsieur Wheel?" "Well, that sounds very exciting." "Yes, I think I might like that job." "Good." "Come to my office." "We'll talk about it." "Just a minute, monsieur." "That's your bet on the table." "That's my bet?" "You have 6,000,000 francs on number four." "6,000,000 francs on number-- 23." "You lose." "Uh, yes, well, easy come, easy go." "I admire a man who can lose gracefully." "Come on." " Welcome, Mademoiselle." " Thank you." "Monsieur Royal has been expecting you." "This way, please." "Come in." "Susan, darling." "Victor, it's so good to see you." " Oh, you look lovely." " Thank you." " Did you have a nice flight?" " Oh no, it was bumpy and awful." " I'm exhausted." " Oh, I'm sorry." "Would you like a glass of champagne?" "Oh, I don't think so right now." "I'd really rather just rest, if you don't mind." "Good." "I'll see you to your room, and we'll talk later." " Thank you." " Okay." "( coins crashing )" "Numero vingt-deux, 22." " Who is that?" " Jacques Montaigne, the Uranium King from Canada." "He's having a streak of bad luck." "I had the same trouble with the slot machine and the roulette wheel, but the telephone paid off great." "Dix-huit, 18." "I have a feeling my luck must change." "Will the house take off its limit?" "Well, I am sure we can accommodate you, Monsieur Montaigne, but first, I must have authorization." "Will that be all right, Monsieur Wheel?" "( speaks fake French )" "One million pounds on number two." "A million pounds of what?" "Well, that is approximately... $3 million." "Well, if he wins, what does the house have to pay off?" "35 to one." "Croupier:" "Numero vingt-huit, 28." "I'm sorry, but you lose, Monsieur Montaigne." "Why don't you try the telephone booth in the corner?" "It never misses." "Monsieur Royal wants to see you right away." "To us." "( knock on door )" "Oh, Max." "Come in." "Come in." "I'd like you to meet someone, someone who is very dear to me." "May I introduce my future bride," "Miss Susan Hilton?" "Mr. Max Wheel." " A pleasure, Miss Hilton." " The pleasure is mine," "Mr. Wheel." " ( phone rings )" " Excuse me." "Yes?" "Yes." "I'm sorry, I'm needed at the casino." "I'll be right back." "Max, get to know her." "You'll find Miss Hilton utterly charming." "Max, what on Earth are you doing here?" "So, it's Miss Hilton." "Susan Hilton." "I worked with you for five years and you never told me your name." "You never asked me." "Oh." "Susan Hilton." "I don't like it." "I like 99 a lot better." "Come on, Max, Victor doesn't know anything about my work at Control." "He wouldn't want to marry that kind of girl." "Why are you here, Max?" "Because of you, 99." " Really, Max?" " Yes." "Remember once you told me you were worried about your future?" "Well, I'm worried about my future." "Were right about being a spy-- it leads nowhere." "This is the kind of life for me-- money, luxury, power." "I can go anywhere in the world I want." "That's a trouble spot." "Did you hurt yourself, Max?" "No." "And if I want drink" "I don't have to ask anyone." "I don't have to get a requisition from Control." "I just take it." "But, Max, you don't drink." "Oh." "Here." "Max, is this the only reason you're here?" "Yes, it is." "And you're sure this is the kind of life you want?" "Are you sure this is the kind of life you want?" "Of course, Max." "Victor is so... considerate and kind and gentle." "Monsieur Montaigne, you are in debt to me for £5,000,000." "But I do not have the money." "In that case... you will sign this paper deeding all your uranium mines over to me." "That's what you really want, isn't it-- not the money, the mines?" " Of course." " ( clicks )" "With your holdings, Kaos and I will have the market cornered." "We will have enough to bring the whole world to its knees." "Sign it!" "Ah, that's much better." "Thank you." "Monsieur Montaigne, you are free to leave." "Oh, Monsieur Montaigne," " excuse me." " Oui?" "I suggest you take the shortcut." "If he had any thoughts of calling the police, the piranha fish will put an end to them." "Hey, waiter, what's that?" "Oh, it's a champagne supper for Mr. Royal and his American fiancée." "Poor girl." "When he starts operating she'll have as much chance as a draft card at a hippie love-in." "You mean, he's a ladies man?" "Oh, let me put it this way:" "his little black book is in its 24th edition." "So that's the kind of man he is." "Yeah, all day, all night." "I don't know how he does it." "I couldn't pass the physical." "Oh, let's face it." "I'm not the man I used to be." "In fact, I never was." "Except that one night at The Sands, Calabasas." "( whistles ) Eureka." " What's going on in there?" " ( whistles )" "( Royal speaks French ) 99:" "Oui." "Merci." " Aha!" " Max, what are you doing here?" "( phone rings )" "I just came to tell you that your phone is ringing." "Oh, yes, it is, yes." "Yes?" "Yes." "I'm sorry, Susan, but I have to go for a few minutes." "And as a precautionary measure," "I went through Monsieur Wheel's belongings." "I found this." "I thought Susan acted like she knew him." "Very well, I would say." "Well, what are you going to do about it, Monsieur Royal?" "For the moment-- nothing." "Good night, Pierre." "Get some sleep, I'll lock up." "You must be mistaken, Max." "I don't believe it." "I just don't believe it." "But I'm telling you it's true, 99." "Your fiancé is a cheat." "First, the roulette wheel is rigged;" "second, the dice are loaded;" "third the slot machines are fixed;" "and fourth, he's a Kaos agent?" "!" "Max, I don't understand." "It's like a bad dream." "Well, to tell you the truth, I'm a little surprised myself, 99." "I knew he was a liar and a cheat, but a spy!" "But Max, how could I be so blind?" "Just be grateful we found out in time, 99." "You almost made a terrible mistake." "Imagine, a Control agent married to a Kaos agent." "Who would accept a mixed marriage like that?" "Well, what are we going to do now, Max?" "First we phone the Chief and tell him all about this place, and then we do the only thing we can do-- we break off the engagement and give him back his ring." "I know you're right, Max, but it's still hard for me to believe." "( clicks )" " What is it, Max?" " The phone just went dead." "Come on, 99, let's get out of here." "It's amusing" "I was as fooled by her as she was by me." "It's too bad I have to kill both of them." "Louis, seal off the casino." "Max, we're trapped!" "Not yet, 99." "Come on, the back door." " Max!" " So... by accident you found out my secret, huh?" "Monsieur..." "Smart." "Maxwell Smart." "Agent 86 of Control." "Don't be hasty, Royal." "At this range, neither one of us can miss." "Oh, but this is getting us nowhere, Monsieur Smart." "Surely, two civilized men can solve their differences without using firearms." "Okay." "How about a nice quiet little session of karate?" "Mmm, I have a much better idea." "We are both gambling men, aren't we?" "What do you think if we let the cards determine our fate?" "One hand of poker, five-card showdown, the winner kills the loser." "On second thought, I'll shuffle, you cut." "As you wish." "On third thought, let's go back to the first thought." "New cards, please." "Thank you." "Two aces of spades?" "Either that's a pinochle deck, or one of us is cheating." "You have played all your cards, Monsieur Smart, but I still have one card left." "( gasps ) Max!" "( crying )" "Max, Max!" "You killed him!" "He just committed suicide." "Louis, put this gun in his hand." " Come on." " No!" " Louis, open the door." " Oui." "Hold it." "But you killed him." "The old bulletproof- cummerbund-in-the-tuxedo trick." "Au revoir, Monsieur Smart." "He got away, 99." " Oh, Max." " Argh." "Oh, I'm sorry, Max." "Are you all right?" " Yes, I'm okay." " Oh, Max, you saved me from making a terrible mistake." " You're wonderful." " Oh, that's all right, Susan." "It's 99, Max." "Susan isn't my real name." "What are you going to do about Royal?" "Well, I'll call the local police and have them pick him up." "( loud ding )" " 99." " What, Max?" "Pull the handle down on that machine." "( coins crashing )" "( theme music playing )"