"You know, I'm a doctor." "I do, um, laser hair removal." "I do acupuncture." "I do aromatherapy, that type of thing." "Would you like something sweet?" "Go ahead." "Take one." "What do you say we, uh... go back to your place and, um, talk?" " My roommate's there." " Bonus." "You're a rascal." "Flower delivery." "Make all the deliveries in the rear." "Fresh!" "Watch it, bub!" "Sorry." "Pardon me." "Will you get out of here!" "I've got to make this delivery." "Oh, delivery room." "This must be the place." "Get out of here!" "Kids, who left the dinosaur in the driveway?" " It's a turd." " It's a pain." " It's Stupid Man!" " All right, that's enough." "Now, we talked about this, didn't we?" "I don't like it when you do that." "It hurts my feelings." "After the night I've had" "All right, that's it." "Go to your rooms, both of you." "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." "And we're going to pick up all these toys." "Stronger than deodorant." "Unable to leap over" "All right, I heard that!" "My gosh, it's Dr. Pseudodunker." "Jeffrey." "Hey, Mom." "H-How're you doin'?" "Jeffrey, what are you doing in the silverware drawer?" "Huh?" "What are you doing in the silverware drawer?" "Oh, nothing." "I'm just looking for, um" "A corkscrew." "Here it is." "I got it." "Thanks." "What do you need a corkscrew for?" "You don't drink." "No." "I know." "I just wanted to, um... get a cork." "Why do you need a cork?" "Huh?" "Why do you need a cork?" "I just-- A little project I'm working on." "What project?" "Mom." "I'm working on" "It's a mobile." "I was going to make a mobile for you." "But you know what?" "Forget it, because the surprise is blown." "Are you happy now?" "God!" "Good night." "Well, well, well." "If it isn't our old friends, the Red Eyes." "Good evening, gentlemen." "We weren't expecting to see you again so spoon" "Red Eyes, Red Eyes, Red Eyes." "What a treat." "We weren't expecting to see you again so spoon." "Yeah?" "Mom, how many times have I asked you not to barge in?" " What's burning?" " Incense." "I can't even count how many rules you're breaking right now." "One:" "Always knock." "Two:" "Don't sniff around outside my door." "Three:" "Do not interrogate me." " What?" " Are you into marijuana?" "Mom, you're cheesing me off so bad right now." " Just, please" " Good night." " Okay." "I'm sorry." "Jeffrey, please!" " Good night." " Good night." "God!" "God, she's just so" "Amazing goes into the mansion, and he doesn't come out." "Then Lance Hunt disappears." "Come on." "Do the math." " I can't go with you, Roy." " You have to go." "You're a crime fighter." "It's your duty." "I promised Lucille I'd quit." "You told her you'd quit?" "I promised her I'd talk about quitting." "We talked about it." "Now let's go." "Come on." "I'm sorry, Roy." "You know what I'm thinking about right now, Eddie?" "I'm thinking about the first night we teamed up." "I'm thinking about a little oath we took at a certain bar downtown." "Roy, don't." "I swear that I will fight crime... and oppose injustice in any form at any hour." "I've got kids." "You understand what that means?" "And if I ever break this oath... a brick should fall from a building of great height... and chip a little chunk off my skull... and my brain gets exposed to the oxygen." "And I die." "Your words, Eddie." "Your words." "How about this one?" "It's nice and simple, don't you think?" "Yes, yes." "That's the Colonial." "If you're simply trying to get the food into your mouth... it probably won't let you down." "Should your taste run a trifle more refined, however... might one suggest... the Continental?" "Can you just feel the balance there?" "Take it in your hand, dear boy." "Don't be skittish." "There." "I'm thinking maybe we should pick the plates first." "And we'll see what goes with it." " Of course." "Let the tail wag the dog." " What?" "Nothing you heard." "Plates right over there." "See Mrs. Jenkins." "If you'll excuse me." "Let me see." "What's the one thing I've ever asked of you... in all the years we've known each other?" "Oh, yes, I recall." "It's never to bother me here!" "Yet, you persist." "Why is that?" "Just once I would like to yell, "To the rescue!"" "And everybody goes running out the door." "Really? "To the rescue"?" " Yeah." "Why?" " A bit hackneyed, isn't it?" " Guys." " It's not hackneyed." "It's a classic." "I think it's more of a cliché than a classic." " Captain Amazing has been" " A cliché?" "No." ""Up, up and away" -- that's a cliché." ""Shazam!" That's way cliché." "My dear boy, how could you call one a cliché and the other a classic?" "The situations they're used in are often clichéd... and it has to do with the superhero who's saying it." "What did you say?" " Captain Amazing is in danger." " What sort of danger?" "He went into Casanova's." "He didn't come out." "To the rescue!" " It doesn't work." " No, it does." "It was working until he said it didn't work." "I'm talking about recruiting." "There's plenty of guys out there who would kill to get in on our action." " Plenty of poseurs, you mean." " Yeah, maybe a few." "There's got to be a couple of guys out there... like a Human Torch before he hit." "Yeah." "Or like a guy..." "I don't know, who can shoot stinging foam into your eyes." "Or something like that." "Well" " Hmm." " Well, there's the Sphinx, of course." " The what?" " The Sphinx." " I know this guy." "Big crime fighter from down south." "Big-league hitter down there." " What's his power?" " Well, he's terribly mysterious." "That's it?" "That's his power?" "He's mysterious?" "Well, terribly mysterious." "Plus, he can, like, cut guns in half with his mind." " Really?" " I think." "I've hadn't heard that." "Coffee?" "Wow, what happened to you guys?" "Didn't you hear?" "Got into a little scrape with the Disco Boys tonight." "Let's just say they won't be doing The Hustle anytime soon." "I bet." "What do you say?" "You wanna try to find this guy?" "Well, rumor has it... he's working at a certain Mexican eatery downtown." "A taco stand, I believe they call it." "He can be summoned... but only by those who know the proper lunchtime combination special." "Wanna give it a try?" "Can I help you?" "Yes." "Well, we'd like to order a combination, please." "A very special combination, if you know what I mean, and I think you do." "What do you think of the number 13?" "Yeah." "I think that's exactly what we're looking for." "I warn you... what you're asking for-- very hot." "That's cool." "Taking heat... is what we do." "I got one more question to ask you." "Would you like some guacamole with that?" "Yeah." "Why not?" "Let's try... two enchiladas, one chimichanga... and no hot sauce." "He's not coming." "We just haven't tried the right combination." "Mm-hmm." "I got a combination." "How about the, um, "puke on your plate" combo?" "How about that?" "I simply can't suffer even a single more taquito... let alone a chimichanga." "I've got a lead on a different guy." " Yeah?" "What restaurant?" " No restaurant." "Field trip?" "All right." "Let's pop some bacon." " What's that mean?" " I don't-- "Let's go," I think." " There you go." " Thank you, my friend." "I would like to make a little announcement." "Atención." "Yes, Mr. Furious?" "We had a major skirmish out there tonight." "And while no actual hard information was obtained... as to the whereabouts of Captain Amazing, I feel it was a clear win." " Yes!" " And, more importantly... anybody who saw us in action tonight would have to say..." ""Those guys are legit."" " Hey, those guys are legit!" " Absolutely." " We held ourselves with" " High." " High." " And we rocked the" " House." "Butts off of what we were doing." "And we kicked some butts!" "And to all of us." "To us." " Well said." " To us." "Wait." "When you say us, do you mean" "You know." "You know." "Because we love you guys so much!" " To us!" " To us." "To all of us." "Invisible Boy and Spleen as well." "Good show." "Yes, my friend?" " Can I talk to you for a minute?" " Yeah." "There's not enough beer in the world, Spleen." "I'm sorry." " I'm sorry." " I'm sorry." "Listen, you've got to live in truth, correct?" "The woman's a tiger." "What's up?" "This is hard to say, so I'm just gonna say it." "I think you're hurting the team." "What?" "What do you mean?" "Come on." "What were you doing tonight?" "Dancing on the roof and an Irish jig?" "Why didn't you have any water?" "The roof wasn't on fire." "We weren't working together." "I don't understand." "Tonight was just a very Furious-oriented situation." "If it had been a more Shoveler-type situation" "If we'd been like-- I don't know-- like in a graveyard, then it would've been your show." " We need teamwork, Roy." " I agree." "We also need leadership." "I agree." "So we're agreed." "So why are we arguing?" "Come on." "Tonight's a celebration, a team celebration." "Way to cover me on that windshield, huh?" "Huh?" "That's teamwork right there." " Why are we speaking in code?" " Well, chirp, tweet, ca-roo." "Twerp, cheat, ca-roo, cree, twat." "He didn't really mean that." "What?" "All right, take cover!" "Boss, it's a hostile takeover!" "Damn!" "Out of ammo." "Smith, Barney, take the point." "Paine, Webber, cover the rear." "Allow me." "Let's do lunch, boys, Blue Raja style!" "Briefcase-bearing bastards!" " I need you to throw this glue grenade." " God, you're good with your hands." "Here's a sticky wicket!" "I wish I did have a follow-through." "Something like a" "Bull's-eye!" "Quickly now, press the attack." "The flankers are now the flanked." "Yes, let's flank the flanking flankers!" "How do we shut this thing down?" "Throw something at it!" "Why don't you throw your daddy's head in there?" "Why don't you throw your mother's head in there?" " Come on, you guys, do something!" " Hang on!" "Stop that!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Ah, yes, throw that!" "The hands that shrink are many." "The many must be one." "What?" "Those who come together will not be blown apart." " I don't get it." " What he's trying to say is... group hug!" " Good idea." " Come on, baby, give me some sugar!" "I think we killed it." "We'd better get our asses out of here!" "I'd say that in a more convoluted way, but there's no time!" "Run!" "Run!" "And mark." "Here we go." "Lights out." "And action!" "If you're going to eat cake, you really should use a fork." " Cut." " Cut it!" " Shotgun!" " I've already called it, didn't I?" "Ready." "I had seen a lot of superhero movies like everybody else... and I always left the movie theater going..." ""Yeah, it looked cool, but there was something missing-- there's a heart, a humanity."" "I'm the Spleen." "If you want to know my powers, pull my finger." "It was a funny idea... a bunch of guys who were trying to be superheroes and weren't good at it... in a world where" "That's the line they use in every trailer" ""In a world where superheroes exist--"" "But in a world where there are real superheroes... these guys are like these wanna-be's... and just having to deal with everyday minutiae of trying to be a superhero." "Butch needs his vest back." "He's got a game on Saturday." "Well, it's my vest too." "I bought it for him." "I'm an adult now." "Do you wanna go back in the bag?" " Morning, Sally." " You're late!" "Yes, I know." "I was up all night trying to defend the city from evil." "I'm a superhero too." "I have powers." "Red Eyes, Red Eyes, Red Eyes." "What a treat." "We weren't expecting to see you again so "spoon."" " Jeffrey." " Yeah, Mom?" "Mom, how many times have I asked you not to barge in here?" " Roll please." " Rolling!" "Even though they don't have the mythical trappings... of what we imagine true heroes to be... they're kind of good with that and I think that's probably" "If there's a deeper meaning in this... it's great honest strength can come from anywhere." "This is egg salad." "It's loaded with cholesterol." "The wife won't even let me touch it." "Like it or not, this is our fight-- we few-- we happy few." "It's about misfits." "It's about people who really don't fit in... but they have something to offer anyway." "It's about loser superheroes." "That's all you have to say and people go..." ""I can't wait to see that."" "I tried not to hurt him... because, you know, I've hurt a lot of stuntmen in my day." "They call me "The Bull."" "I never thought I'd see Paul Reubens sticking' his butt in a limo... and letting loose on Geoffrey Rush..." " Academy Award winner." " Pull!" "I just couldn't stop laughing when I read it." "I thought the superheroes' outfits... and their attitude and even the dialogue they have back and forth... which just got even better with the cast... with Bill Macy, Ben Stiller, Paul Reubens-- they improvise so well" "Now, granted, you've got a good arm." "I'll give you that." " But we're in a lead codra" " Cadre." " You're in." " Welcome aboard." " Guys, would you" " What are you" " What's the problem?" "Welcome." " Eddie." " What." "Nothing." "No problem." "Welcome aboard." "I'm just doing this for the money." "I don't have any investment emotionally." "So true." "Janeane is hilarious." "Janeane and I've worked together a lot, so it's always fun to work with her." "Here we go." "Rehearsing." "The ball that I use is about 30 pounds-- very, very hard." "'Cause Kinka will make me stand in a position... holding the 30-pound ball behind like that." "That's good." "As long as you can get the pendulum, hold it there, then bring it back." " All right?" "Let's do it." " And action." "Try and tip up with that." "One more time." "And action." "Great!" "One more time." "Let it hang at that pivot point." "And action!" "And right back in the lens." "I took a bowling lesson." "I never bowled before... even though my parents met in a bowling alley." "And action!" "But as it turns out, I don't need to know how to bowl." "It's all computer-generated imaging." "So I need to be in certain positions... and then in post-production they will make the ball do everything." "Uh-oh." "Cut it!" "For always coming up with ideas... which is one of the really fun things about not having... a script." " The world would be a rumor" " How do they say "controversy"?" "Controversy. "Contravasee."" " I don't think so." " Stupid." "We all had a lot of freedom." "Kinka gave us a lot of freedom to experiment with our characters-- both before we were shooting and on the day." "It's a bit of contrav" "I like to change things before we start shooting and then know what we'll do." "You want another take or just pick this up?" " Can I do one for silly fun?" " Yes, one for silly fun." "Each one of them has their own special... sort of buttons and ways in which they work." "I think it's nice to be able to talk to Paul or Janeane or Ben... in my own sort of way with them." " Come on." "Let's go right away." " It's gonna work." "It's gonna work." "Let's go." "I need rhythm." "Bill Macy is like the Ferrari of actors." "His craft is just so finely tuned." " I'll tell you this, blah, blah, blah." " Camera left." " Really?" " Yes, sir." "I'm sorry." "So bizarre." "Then can I put Janeane this far over?" " Yes, you may." " Janeane's here." "And I'll tell you this, and you and you" "This fella, Phil Rapenia, is a martial arts guy and he's been training me." "And then you go boom and then you go bam, bam, bam." "Got it." "I've been spinning this shovel since we started the thing." "I did the first three weeks with this huge whack on my forehead." "I clocked myself with the shovel, knocked myself silly at home practicing." " Mark it." " Mark." "Here we go." "Lights on." "And background!" "Action!" "Cut." "Great." "Good." "It's not a Nicholas Cage vehicle picture." "It's not a Jim Carrey vehicle picture." "It allowed me to put my personality into the film and really make it mine." "Kinka doesn't know what the-- he's doing." "What a hag." "He's never directed anything before." "What did he bring us-- the chihuahua "Viva Gorditas"?" "Oh, my God." "He's done a zillion commercials." "He's done every funny commercial you've seen." "I saw his commercial reel." "I thought, "He's the perfect guy for this."" "A lot of the time, you'll be doing a scene, a really serious scene... and you'll be sitting there, and he'll come in and suggest..." ""The scene would be really great if you put a bag of Doritos in your hand."" "A lot more energy, faster." "I need to lose 30 seconds out of this scene." "It has nothing to do with the scene." "He's like, "Oh, yeah." "I'm sorry." "I'm still in my commercial world."" "Or he'll be like, "Can you have a milk moustache in that scene?"" " Red Eyes coming in, right?" " Right." "Give him his big wedgie and throw him on the table." "I'd love while I'm up in wedgie position... to be able to say that thing." " Which is?" " Oh, my little fellows." "He just has the perfect personality for this script-- for this story... because he's really childlike and really loving... and really open and really encouraging." "So, it's just-- He's a great captain of the ship." " You gotta start spinning him." " Spinning him?" " Start spinning him like this" " All right." "Yes, this one should stick." "Swing him around." "Billy, can you give me an "ooh"?" " Yes." "Ooh!" " Great." "It's astounding what they can do with special effects now." "A lot of the stuff we're doing in real time... like the fork you saw was on a line-- that's in real time-- you see it." "It's not a blow-up special effect-- gunfire special effect movie." "It's really special effects with comedy in them... so they're special comedy effects is what I like to call them." "And background moving!" "Lights!" "And action!" " Cut!" " Nice." "I really hit it off with Kinka Usher, the director, when we first met." "There was a complete confidence and assurance and playfulness... and... openness to where this film could go." " You get any good stuff in there?" "Yeah?" " Lots." "Like what?" "Me going, "Come on, come on," all day long?" "Kinka's great." "He's good." "He has fun." "He hangs out with all of us." "He's not a director that hangs behind monitors and never talks to the actors." "The thing I like about him the most is his great eye for detail." "You know... he loves art direction." "So we're not just jumping into this." "We're doing, like, hours-- hours of lighting." "Everything has to look just perfect." "I very much went into every scene with the designer and said..." ""This is a scene where we're really gonna play the Asian influence." "In this scene we're gonna play the European influence."" "It's very eclectic." "I think it's probably an amalgam of Europe... and Asia with a little bit of San Francisco mixed in." "Certainly this mansion being a Gaudi which is a Spanish designer." "You're going to prison for life this time, Casanova." "But yet I wanted the diner to be American 40s." "Maybe it's time to level the playing field." "And I wanted a lot of the exteriors to feel very sort of Hong Kong harbor... because I want a lot of water around the city." "You get these sort of cross-cultures going on." "You go into any big city today and you go down into a section... and it's all Chinese writing or Mexican writing" " Spanish writing." "And I think that's very much a reflection of society today." "So I just took it a step further, and created this near future reality... that is Mystery Men." "We opened the movie with a scenario where we're at a senior citizens' home." "We took the adage, it's not your normal suburban senior citizens' center." "Everything in there is somewhat tweaked." "We have seniors that are enjoying Pepto-Bismol... and the bar is a pharmacological bar." "We had fun with the scene." "Everybody had a fun time." "I describe it as a-- a cartoon gone horribly, horribly wrong." "Quick question." "Is this your best?" " I realize you're upset." " Victor, I'm positioned." "Do you understand what that means-- on a very personal level, here" "Greg Kinnear's outfit was a breakthrough for us... because to mold an outfit like a Batman... it's a minimum of $200,000." "And the actor can barely move in it by the way." "But we needed an action character that could move... and be this Captain Amazing." "So we experimented and we came up with neopream." "Nerapreen or nuapreen" " I can't really pronounce it to tell you the truth." "The wet suit fabric." "Here's what I can tell you." "It's hot as hell." "We quilted it and added padding to it." "I basically sweat in it a lot." "Everything came up giving him this look of great strength." "I didn't know that my body could retain this much water." "Basically, that outfit... he can do just about anything in it because it's so pliable." "All day long while we're shooting, I'm sweating." "I'm really proud of that." "It was an incredible feat." "And when I'm done sweating, I-- well, I sweat some more." "I couldn't have imagined it worked as well as it did." "And... action!" "This is a fine, elegant Harvey Wallbanger." "Even when it's sucked by scum like you?" "Captain Amazing." "I thought it was about publicity and keeping your sponsors happy." "See, it's that sort of cynicism that I really feel is" "I don't know-- poisoning society." "Oh, look at this." "A subtronic alter-- Sorry." "Now, Ben's character, Furious... he works in a car parts salvage place." "And that's what he wears, and that's it." "No big deal." "I kind of liken him to the guy in the group." "If he was in a band, he's the guy who started the band... but he's the least-talented member in the band." "He's the guy who doesn't really play the bass that well... but he's the one who believes in the band the most." " I don't find you threatening." " Well, you're very" " You're very kind." " At all." "Listen, I still feel like I should take you out to dinner... just to make up for being so scary." "There's seven different comedic styles... and not just styles of performance... but styles of how you get it there." "Ow!" "I've learned to take a little bit from everybody and say..." ""That's another way of doing it that works as well or better than my way."" "I've learned a lot." "These are all great people." "And everybody here's been really helpful." "I told Paul Reubens, "I can't get these lines."" "He said, "Write 'em on your hand."" ""Write 'em on the--" he said." "That's a high-temperature, fabric adhesive liquid projector." "I can trip that out with with a clam shell holster." "Comes with a leather carrying case." " Got a wad cutter, full warranty." " Nicely done." "A lot of the weaponry used is all nonlethal-- for instance, tornadoes or glue." "Good message for the kids." "I wanted my kids to have a story they could relate to." "I don't have kids yet, but when I do..." "I would want them to have a story they could relate to." "My favorite was the "blame thrower"... because you point it at two people... and they begin to assign blame." "Sorry." "Your bad attitude is hurting this team!" " Stop spitting!" "I took a shower!" " You need another one." "You stink." " Want me to get that zit for you?" " I'm really shaking." "Sorry if I spit all the time." " I'm sorry." " I'm sorry." "You throw a fork... and it hits someone here... it incapacitates you, doesn't it?" ""I've been hit." "I can't--"" "You throw a knife, it would rip their entire arm off, kill them." "They want to stop a crime by committing an even worse crime." "I'm not a stab man." "I'm not a murderer." "I'm not knifey boy." "I'm the Blue Raja." "Master of silverware." "Do forgive our incredulity, but I'm wondering... how you can be certain you've achieved transparency at all?" "Well, when you go invisible... you can feel it." " Okay, I'm leaving." " Thanks." "Nice to have met you." "Hi, I'm Kel Mitchell, star of Mystery Men." "I play Invisible Boy." "And today I'm gonna do the theme song for the movie." "I'm very excited." "I'm glad they let me do this." "I wanna take you in and have you guys check it out." "Come with me." "Mystery Men" "There's only one thing that I need to know" "Those Mystery Men" "Janeane Garofalo got the flow" "Ben Stiller gonna rock the mike A killer, he be the thriller" "William Macy You know how we do it every "dacy"" "We be the baddest" "What attracted me to the project was they were telling me everyone in it." "And then it's everybody's dream to play a superhero." "This movie's pretty original." "I've never seen anything quite like it." "It's a bizarre effort here." "In a place called Champion City... the forces of good and evil..." "Captain Amazing." "What a surprise." "are about to collide." "Well, we've always been each other's greatest nemesisses" " Sis-- sie-- nemesee." " Nemeses." "Now, with the city's one true hero missing..." " Captain Amazing is in danger." " Kaboom." " Who will step forward..." " You again." "Wanna-bes." "to answer the call of justice?" "Don't mess with the volcano... because I will go Pompeii on your butt." "Oh, my golly." "They've been waiting for this moment..." "The city's in peril, Lucille." "all of their lives." "Butch needs his vest back." "Well, it's my vest too." "I bought it for him." "But now that their time has come..." "I'm a superhero too." " What's his power?" " Excuse me." "they're gonna need all the help they can get." "We gotta find a lot of superheroes really quickly." "State your name and power." "PMS Avenger." "I only work four days a month." " Is there a problem with that?" " No." "I am the Waffler." "Waffleman!" " Am I too late to try out?" " Sorry." "You're in." "Wow, my first mission and we're gonna rescue Captain Amazing." "Here we go." "Universal Pictures presents..." " We need to talk about your plans." " I'm going to kill you." "Right." "That's the part that really doesn't work for me." "A new league of heroes that step to a different beat." "Well, I am a ticking time bomb of fury." "I don't find you threatening... at all." "Let's do some carnage." "We're not your classic heroes." "We're the other guys." "Mystery Men" "I'm invisible!" "Can you see me?" "Yes." "Wow." "Maybe you should put some shorts on or something... if you wanna keep fighting evil today." "Coming Soon"