"Ok." "We're down two." "I'm gonna go for the spare." "Don't be crazy... we only need two" " to make the playoffs." " I got it." "I got this." "Dude!" "Come on!" "It wasn't my fault." "The pins moved!" "Pindy." "It's a stupid sport." "Who cares?" " I don't even understand the rules." " "Who cares"?" "People bowling isn't real." "Pindy, don't go home." "Charlie?" "No, she's in a conference in Miami." "It's my mom." "She's called three times." " I got to take this." " All right." "Hey, mom." "Is everything okay?" "I... wh..." "I'm sorry, say that again?" "Okay, we're on our way." "Dude... she's been arrested." "What, unionizing zoo animals?" "For prostitution." "I'm telling you this has to be a mistake." "Has to be." "Right." "Your mom's quirky, but... she's not a pro." "So, it doesn't matter if it's your husband or a john in the back of your car." "The important thing is communication." "Always talk." "Depending on what we're doing, talking's not always a possibility." "Oh!" "Peter, Jared." "Oh, thank God you're here." "There's been a terrible misunderstanding." "I am not a prostitute." "See?" "Total misunderstanding." "I'm a sex surrogate." "Me, too." "Yeah, I'm a sex surrogate." "Me, too." "Right." "Can we write that off on our taxes?" "I thought you were starting a nursery." "Last summer's drought dried everything up." "I lost my lease." "Why wouldn't you tell me that?" "Why wouldn't you talk to me?" "Well, one of my customers from the nursery was a surrogate." "She said I could shadow her." "And I saw how much she was helping people." "She said I was a natural, referred clients to me, and it took off from there." "And now..." "I'm here." "Wait, wait, wait." "I have a question." "You're a surrogate?" "You have sex for money?" "Technically, that's two questions." "And not all surrogates have sex with their clients, right, Colleen?" "Well, I don't have sex with most of my clients." " She said "most."" " I know." " I..." "I..." "I heard her say it." " I..." "I heard her say it, too." "Uh, let's get back to the arrest." "Did you offer sex in exchange for money?" "He certainly wanted it." "But I said, you know, "we'll see."" "I meant that, you know, in time, if his treatment called for it... but I could see that he was ready to confront his intimacy issues." "So, I took him from the downstairs den..." "You're doing this out of the house?" "!" "Um, what happened next?" "Oh, I took him to the room that I use for more confidential encounters." "Please don't say my bedroom." "Well i... it has a wonderful view of the canyon, honey." "I mean, where else am I supposed to do this, in my room?" "All right, let's sort out the Oedipal issues later." "I know I'm having some, and you're not even my mom." " Go on." " So..." "To make him more comfortable," "I took off my clothes, but I had on a thong." "Oh." "I'm tasting copper." "I think I might be having a stroke." "And then, he arrested me." "Right." "All right, I'm gonna talk to the D.A." "and see who's assigned to the case, and we'll sort it out." "Mom, we posted your bail." "You should be out of here soon." "We'll be waiting for you outside, okay?" "J... just please don't say anything to anyone ever." "I'm so sorry to drag you into this." "We'll take care of this, all right?" "Okay." " Get it over with." " What?" "One shot, and then we move on." "Peter, your mom's in trouble here, okay?" "And what she's doing is totally legit, but you acting like a baby every time she says the word "sex"..." "that's not gonna help." "Would you be this calm if it was your mother?" "Well, my mom's not a hooker." "That was the one shot." "That was the one shot." "That was it." "I'm done." "I'm done." "I'm good." "Come on." "Ellen Swatello." "Drinking alone?" "Well, this day just keeps getting better." "How did you find me?" "Your assistant." "I told 'em I was your brother and there was a family emergency." "And she believed you?" "I was pretty good." "You're the D.A. on a prostitution case of mine..." "Colleen Bash." "It's Peter's mother." "She's a sex surrogate." "She works out of her home office." "Her clients love her." "I'm sure they do." "First... prostitution offense?" "Of course." "She'll get misdemeanor probation, a fine." "She'll have to register as a sex offender, but..." "She can't plead anything." "She'd never work again." "I know Colleen." "She's not a hooker." "Someone's trying to make an example out of her." "I don't know why, but..." "Fine." ""Fine"..." "I'll talk to my supervisor, see about getting the case dismissed." "Are we done?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I d... didn't see that coming." "Thanks." "Well, don't read anything into it." "I just hate my job right now... a little more than I hate you." "Do you want to talk about it?" "And I..." "I am a damn good prosecutor." "Well, we pretty much own you in court, but other than me and Peter, I'm sure you're probably..." "I mean, I joined this office to put away real felons, but then, for seven years, I get to watch lesser, ass-kissing attorneys move up while I get transferred to vice prosecuting hookers like your pal's mother?" "Must be your sparkling personality." "You know, in this light, with your guard down... you almost look human." "You're hitting on me." "All right, I am not hitting..." "Oh, my God." "I'm hitting on you, aren't I?" "You know what?" "After the day I've had... the year..." "Let's go." "You're kidding." "You got a problem with hate sex?" "Mm." "This can only happen one time." "Yeah, after tonight, we go back to hating each other." "I still hate you right now." "Yeah, no, me, too." "Honey!" "I'm home." "So, it turns out that my mom's friend was right." "The legal difference between surrogacy and prostitution is very clear." "So, all we have to do is prove that my mom was trying to educate, not gratify." "That won't even be necessary." "Look at you doing the, uh, walk of shame through the office." "Not walk of shame, my friend." "Walk of glory." "Okay, but I also told you to track down the D.A. of this case." "Track her down, I did." "Where you been?" " Ellen Swatello." " Get out of here!" "I can't." "I work here." "Ah." "Oh, well, I see someone enjoyed a bit of the old in-out last night." "I remember my first time." "Okay, sir, last night was not my first time." "I was 16." "She was 50." "Tenant farmer's wife." "I was delivering alfalfa." "Or was it barley?" "Hello." "S... send her back." "Swatello." "Okay, look, you guys do not know any of this." " You can't let on." " Mm-hmm." "Seriously." "Sir?" "Ah, Miss Swatello." "Good morning to you." "Hi, Ellen." "Nice shoes." "You told them." "Oh, please." "Don't be too hard on poor Jared." "A great man once said," ""any love worth having is worth shouting about from the rooftops."" "Mm-hmm." "You just made that up." "You're the great man." "Ah." "Mm." "Listen, I talked to my supervisor about dismissing your mother's prostitution charge, and he won't go for it." "Zero-tolerance." " Let me walk you out." " Don't touch me." "Yeah, I don't..." "I don't..." "I don't want to to..." "I don't want to touch you." "Can we just, uh, summarize this?" "Now, your mother is being tried as a prostitute, and you're going to trial against a woman you just slept with, who... appears to despise you." "Yeah." "That about sums it up." "Well, have a nice day." " I'll testify." " No." "Mom, you can't testify." "Your... record will come into play." "Misdemeanors and infractions." "Which will show that she thinks the law doesn't apply to her." "The jury hears that, they'll convict." "I need a doughnut." "Doughnut?" "I'm good." "Oh, you can never have enough sugar." "I always sent Peter to school with a full sleeve of Oreos, and he got straight A's." "I also weighed 180 pounds in the 4th grade." "Oh, you're my chunky monkey." "We'll meet you in court?" " Oh, yeah." " Okay." "Okay." "It's just around the corner." "What's wrong with you?" "Look, I know this is embarrassing, but if we're gonna represent her, you got to stop treating her like your mom..." "And treat her like a client." "Yes." "I know." "You're right." "All right?" " But she can't testify." " Fine." "Ooh." "Incoming." "You really shouldn't frighten my deputies that way." "You're Swatello's supervisor." "So, you obviously know about my mother's case." "I may have heard about it." "I told you there was something behind this." "If this has anything to do with what happened at Fugate and Towne, I..." "No, no." "No animosity here." "You're the one who got fired for having sex with the senior partner's daughter." "Which you ratted him out for." "I don't bring charges to settle personal scores." "Although, in this case, I can't deny it's a perk." "See, I think you're still upset because you got your ass kicked in the last election for D.A." "That was a shellacking." "Your mother earned her arrest." "And she's going to earn her conviction." "Good day, gentlemen." "You want a doughnut, don't you?" "Little bit." "You got a minute?" "Yeah, what's up?" "Your prospects of becoming a judge." "You know Henry Dinsdale." "He's a judge over at Santa Monica Superior Court." "I've heard of him." "Well, thanks to me, he's heard of you." "He let it slip that he's in escrow on a house in Indian Wells." " He's retiring?" " Any day now." "A... and if I got his endorsement, that would go a long way towards getting me named his replacement." "Start by meeting him for drinks." "He's expecting your call." "Excellent." "Thank you." "So, Detective, in your career, how many prostitution arrests have you made?" "In excess of 900." "And in those, how many times has the target identified themselves as a sex surrogate?" "We're just starting to see prostitutes call themselves surrogates to avoid detection." "Multiple sessions with my client, all with no sex." "So, you must be a mind reader to guess..." "Oh, her offering sex in exchange for money made it easier." "Did you record the offer?" "I wasn't wearing a wire." "So, you're asking this jury to trust your memory to tar her as a prostitute?" " Objection... argumentative." " Withdrawn." "No further questions." "Detective Spears, does Ms. Bash have an assistant?" " Yes." " Mm-hmm." "And doesn't she outsource overflow clients to other surrogates?" " Yes." " Mm-hmm." "She has an answering service, too, right?" "Objection... what does any of this have to do with the charges?" "If counsel would stop interrupting me." "Sorry." "Dude... you're apologizing to opposing counsel?" "Oh, no, he was interrupting." "Your honor, the relevance of this line of questioning will become clear." "I hope so." "Detective, Ms. Bash pays people to market her services." "In fact, she advertises in the L.A. Weekly, correct?" "Yes." "In the classifieds." "So, she has a team... people who benefited from her sex trade?" "That's right." "Your Honor, the prosecution moves to dismiss the prostitution charge against Colleen Bash..." "Honey!" "We won!" "And add a violation of penal code section 266." "Ms. Bash was part of a larger criminal enterprise." "P... pandering?" "Your Honor..." "Motion granted." "We're in recess." "What's going on?" "They're saying you're a pimp." "Which carries three years prison." "Ms. Bash." "Hi." "I'm Rachel King." "I work with Peter and Jared." "Oh, you must be the one that put the wall up" " between Peter and Jared's office." " Mo... mm." "Do you mind if I talk to Peter and Jared for a moment?" "Certainly." "Look, I know we didn't run this by you first, but this is my mother." "What kind of monster do you think I am?" " Shape shifter." " Swamp demon." ""Swamp demon"?" "That's not even a real monster." " How's it going in there?" " Not good." "They're treating it like it's the crime of the century." "Sounds like malicious prosecution." "Well, Hewett's been gunning for me for years." "We just need proof." "Have you considered the "defense lawyer sleeping with the D.A." angle" " of getting some proof?" " How do you know that?" "How do you think you know that?" "Maybe I'm a shape shifter." "Or maybe my friend Instagrammed photos of you two grinding at the valet stand." ""Grinding"?" "Gr... yeah, ehh, it's more like dry-humping." "Yeah." "It was a little..." " I don't..." " Okay, okay, okay." "It was a rookie move, all right?" "It won't happen again." "You're missing my point." "You say that someone's out to get Colleen, and you have an in with the D.A." "Are you suggesting I have sex to help win a case?" "No, you already had sex with her." "Maybe just exploit it..." "find out what you can." "I'll try." "But I won't have sex with her again." "She makes me do things." "Okay, that was the last time." "Wow." "My self-loathing is at a new high." "Or would that be low?" "I would be so fired if Hewett found out" "I was sleeping with the enemy." " Guy's a total dick." " Yeah." "And, man, does he hate your partner." "Is that what this case is about?" "Ew." "What are you doing?" "Stop." "You kissed me." "Hey, you know what?" "We should probably just..." "Hey, a knock would be nice." "Coming out of the bathroom of my own apartment?" "Yeah." "What are you doing, Franklin?" "Nothing." "I was, uh..." "I was looking for this." "And, uh, I can't find the other one, though." "So..." "Oh." "I saw it in the living room." "Ah." "Great." "Why are you still here?" "Um... well..." "Hey." "I think I know what Colleen's case is about." "I do some teaching at Loyola, and I borrow liberally from your ruling in California Vs." "Wellington." "Karp." "What kind of name is that?" "Is that Jewish?" "No." "Is that an issue?" "Not anymore, it isn't." "Joking." "You got me." "That was very good." "Wow." "Um, well, you just..." "you must love your job." "How long do you think you'll keep doing it?" "Why are you asking me that?" "It's... just that I think the justice system needs you." "I hope you stay on for a very long time." "Are you, uh, kissing my ass, son?" " Of course not, sir." " Why not?" "What's wrong with my ass?" "I..." "I'm sure your ass is fine." "I'm sure it's an excellent ass." "I was just saying..." " Okay, we're done." " Look, uh, wh..." "I'm sorry." "I feel like we got sidetracked with the "ass" talk." "Where are you gonna be Wednesday?" "Um, actually, I have a deposition" " that I'm supposed to..." " Good!" "There's some people I think you should meet..." "If you want to succeed me." "Oh, I am." "I..." "I..." "I'll be there, of course." "Thanks for dinner." "Oh." "You're welcome." " What are you doing?" " Hm?" "Oh, hey." "Hey." "Uh, Cassiopeia is visible tonight." "Is Cassiopeia living at Rob Lowe's house?" "'Cause that's where you got that thing pointed." "Okay, Jared, a headless seal washed up on the beach today." "I called the lifeguard, the Malibu Sheriff, and the Center for Disease Control." "That's a great job." "But... they say it was either a shark or a propeller." "I say..." "Rob Lowe." "What's that?" "Colleen's client list." "Saw a note about it on Swatello's legal pad." "Mm." "I'll bet you did." ""Legal pad."" " This is what the D.A.'s after." " Why?" "That's what I need you to find out." "I need you to connect Hewett with somebody on this list." "There's one name I can't find anything about... this one right here." "You're standing really close to me right now." "And you smell like sex." " Pindy." " Uh-huh?" "I need you to find out all you can about Tim Lawson." " Got that?" " Mm-hmm." " Thanks, Pindy." " Yep." " Hey, Jared." " Yeah?" "Want to see Rob Lowe doing pilates?" "No." "So, we think we can get a dismissal." "But you're gonna have to turn over your client list." "Oh, no, I can't do that." "Mom, you're looking at prison." "I don't need your permission to turn it over." " I'm your lawyer." " And I'm your mother." "Then start acting like it." "I'm sorry." "That..." "that's not how I meant it." "You know, when I met your father... he took my breath away." "I knew that if I wanted to keep him interested in the long term..." "I had to become the most exciting version of myself, hence the ashram, the harp lessons, the R.V." "But none of that mattered." "I mean, he got bored... and he left me." "He left both of us." "Maybe the problem wasn't us." "Maybe the problem was him." "No, no." "It was me." "It was this... ridiculous person I'd become." "I had never really been honest with him." "And, you know, what..." "what I do now... it..." "You're being honest with people." "So, don't make me betray that by revealing my client list." "I have one question for you." "Where would you be without me?" "In an un-burned-down house in Silver Lake." "Exactly!" "You're welcome." "And while you two were out surfing... by the way, I saw you eat it on that one wave." "I laughed so hard." "Do you have something on my mother's case?" "Spent all day tracking Tim Lawson." "Turns out there's a good reason I couldn't find him." " You're totally incompetent?" " He doesn't exist." "So, I cross-referenced Lawson's appointments with security footage from the guard gate at your mom's housing complex." "Kind of elitist, B-T-Dubs, huh?" "Would you go on, please?" "Every license plate is photographed." " Harrison Gingold?" " District Attorney of Los Angeles?" "Well, he obviously doesn't want anybody to know" " that he saw a surrogate." " Maybe we should pay him a visit." "Hello, Harrison." "Oh, Colleen." "Sorry about this." "Ah." "Sir, why are you bringing these charges against my mother?" "I didn't." "Someone wants me out of this job." "He must have found out and saw an opportunity." "Hewett." "Well, he wasn't lying about it not being about you." "Please, sir, you have to dismiss the charges." "Once the case was filed, it's out of my hands." "The District Attorney dismissing a case... well, would raise more problems than it would solve." " Sir, we only care about one problem." " My mother." "We have a subpoena to testify." "If you don't show up, we'll have marshals come get you." "I said I was sorry." "But this isn't worth the paper it's printed on." " Why's that?" " Executive privilege." "I'm immune from having to testify." "That applies to politicians." "As well as District Attorneys and their top deputies." "I'm sorry, Colleen." "I wish that I knew some way out of this." "You do." "You just don't have the guts to use it." "We're done here." "You're too close to this, Peter." "She's got to turn it over." "Ask Swatello if she'll testify." "She's low enough on the totem pole." "She's not covered by executive privilege." "Yeah, see, whenever we get together, um... hate sex breaks out." "Please don't send me back in there." "Thanks." "What is it?" "A court order." "We have to turn the book over tomorrow." "Which means if she doesn't turn it over, she's in contempt." "And my mom's gonna be behind bars the whole trial." "We can't let that happen." "You don't like people, do you?" "Where are Peter and Jared?" "Oh, they left." "I was just about to leave, myself." "You'd be wise to turn over your book, Ms. Bash." "You're not my lawyer." "Yeah, but Peter and Jared are mine." "I like people fine." "I'm just not sure how I feel about you." "You know, I think there's another glass in Peter's office." "Can't vouch for how clean it is, though." "You sure she's coming?" "I texted her." "She'll be here." "Oh, what did you say?" "Are you questioning my texting?" "I think you know the power I have behind..." "Oh, all I know is that you totally screwed up that weekend with those waitresses in Deer Valley." "Would you stop with them?" "Text haiku was ahead of its time, okay?" "They couldn't grasp how good it was." "Text haiku was literally the stupidest thing you've ever come up with." "It's a brilliant idea." "I'm thinking about selling an app." "What the hell is wrong with you?" " Hi, Ellen." " Ooh, hey, there." "Uh... welcome to a public place." "I... will leave you two alone." "No." "Both of you." "You went to Gingold?" "And is this why you came over?" "No." "Not entirely." "Maybe you should tell us your part of Hewett's plan in setting my mother up." "I set your mother up?" "With Hewett?" "Just admitted it." "That's what I'm saying." "Then why did Hewett just pull me off the case?" "What?" "When he heard you went to Gingold, he grilled me about whether or not" "I'd had any discussions with you guys." "He thought I might have been involved with you." "Why would he assume you were involved with him?" "He's heard me say how much I can't stand you." "How often does that come up?" "Almost every day for five years." "You know who you're like?" "You're like that chick from "Species,"" "the really sexy alien who destroys everyone she mates with." " That's a great trilogy." " That's you." " It's a good trilogy." " Yeah." "In spite of both of you, I'm sorry about your mother." "I wish there was more I could do." " Did you say "sexy alien"?" " Beyond." " Come over later." " Midnight." "You are so gonna marry her." "I know." "I can't tell what's more fragile... your porcelain facade or what it's protecting." "No offense, but I have no interest in you analyzing my state of mind." "When did you last have sex?" "Excuse me?" "A year, maybe longer?" "Not that it's any of your business, but people think I slept my way to the top, so I'm careful about... six years." "That felt good." "I'm glad." "Why haven't you?" "I'd rather not discuss..." "Mom?" "Mo..." " What was that?" " W... w... what was that?" "!" "You can't just..." "Oh, I was just trying to jolt you and make you see that you're open to your sexuality." "I know am." "Oh!" "Excuse me." "Rachel." "Is this a bad time to talk about tearing down that wall?" "Say another word, and I'll kill you." "Hello?" "Robert?" "What's wrong?" "Oh, I understand." "So, it won't go down." "Client has priapism... perpetual erection." "Dude, shut up." "Is she gonna let us use the book?" " I hadn't gotten there." " What were you waiting for?" "I have like 100 answers, but you're my boss, and you're my best friend, and she's your mom." "Okay, so I want you to lie down and pull your legs up to your head." "Always good advice." "No, no." "N... not for that." "To get the blood back into the upper part of your body." "Good." "Now take that prescription." "Yes." "Pseudoephedrine... 100cc." "You thinking what I'm thinking?" "About the case." "About the case." "Um... yeah." "Beyond that..." "I doubt it." "Nothing like a Russian massage." "You were right." "I..." "I know that now." "I hope Ivan wasn't too rough." "No." "Ivan was awesome." "I..." "I thought other people would be joining us." "You want to succeed me when I retire, don't you?" "Very much so, sir." "My recommendation would kind of cinch it." "And I'm inclined to give it to you." "Thank you." "The only thing I want is... when I leave here today..." "I hope I have a new friend." "I'm honored, Your Honor." "I'd like to think that we're already very close." "No, no, no." "Not you." "Rachel King." "She's an extraordinary woman." "She is." "What do you think the chances would be of a guy like me having a date with her?" "Oh, um... that'd be hard to estimate." "I'll bet you could find out." " I'll make some inquiries." " Ah." "Can you guess what I'm going to do next?" "Um... get yourself ready for court and dispense some justice." "I'm going to go powder my balls." "That was my next guess." "Mr. Franklin, Mr. Bash, did you bring the defendant's client list?" "We did, Your Honor." "Would you hand it to the bailiff?" "No." "In that case, we request Ms. Bash be taken into custody." "Wait." "It is our position that the contents of that book are protected." "By doctor-patient privilege." "That's ridiculous." "California law sets forth what a doctor is, and a sexual surrogate has never..." "Only because no one's ever tried." "Yeah, for good reason." "There was a time when social workers weren't granted confidentiality." "Or chiropractors, both of whom have limited doctor-patient privilege." "It is time to establish surrogacy as the healing art that it is." "Let's make some law, Your Honor." "Your honor, we have testimonials from patients who are willing to testify to my mo..." "If they're willing to testify, why not turn over the book?" "Because some are." "Some aren't." "We're trying to protect their rights, too." "You want to make law?" "I'll give you a shot." "You show me the defendant's deposition, the book can stay out." "We're just gonna need a few minutes, Your Honor, to get the patients ready." "No patients." "If I'm gonna qualify your client as a doctor," "I need to hear it from her from the witness stand." "We're adjourned until tomorrow." "All right, we're in the game." "Mom, can you give us a moment?" "Maybe get us a doughnut?" "Great idea." "You know, it's one thing to have your mom be a sex surrogate or walk in on her kissing your boss or having her talk down a guy with a boner..." "What was my point?" "You don't want her telling the world what she does." " Yeah." " Too bad." "We got a case to win." "No, I don't." "I..." "I just don't want to ask those questions." "I get it." "You don't want to talk about your mom's vagina." "I don't." "I don't want to talk about her vagina." "I'll talk about her vagina." " You will?" " Yeah." "I appreciate it." "No problem." "Can you just lay off the vagina jokes?" "I'm trying to keep your mom's vagina out of jail." "Unbelievable." "Where's Colleen?" "She's inside." "You were with Swatello again last night?" "She's like... mozzarella sticks." "What?" "You know they're bad for you." "You don't even like them when you're eating them." "But you just... can't stop eating them." "You are useless." "I'm good!" "I'm just... whoa... a little dizzy." ""Good." You don't even have a tie on!" "I didn't have time to grab it, Peter." "She was throwing things at me... pots and chairs." "I think I saw a knife." "I got this." "I got this." "The... the universe wants this to happen." "Okay." "Uh..." "Hey, uh, I..." "I will give you... 18 bucks for that sweet tie of yours." "As a surrogate, what is it you do?" "I work with people who are having a hard time reaching their sexual potential." "Well, Mr. Hewett would say that that's what a prostitute does." "Wouldn't you?" "Yeah, I would, actually." "Without going into graphic detail, please, can you describe a typical session with a client?" "I work more with couples than with one client." "Why is that?" "People who seek prostitutes pay to have sex with them." "My patients pay me to teach them how to express themselves to the people they love." "Can you give us an example of a... success story?" "Well, one of my first clients was a woman who was about to divorce her husband." "Their sex life had become unfulfilling for both of them, and they'd been to psychiatrists and marriage counselors and..." "All licensed physicians, yet they all failed." "Were you able to help her?" "Well, over time, I was able to help her realize that her marriage was worth fighting for." "How's that couple doing today?" "They're expecting their second child." "So, what you do, it really isn't about the sex." "Can you tell the jury what surrogacy is about?" "Communication." "If I had known 20 years ago what I know now... maybe I could have saved my own family." "Your family's fine, mom." "I love you." "I love you, too, Peter." "Uh, objection." "He's objecting to love?" "I've heard enough." "I'm ruling the defendant is a doctor as set forth by the evidence code." "Ms. Bash, you may keep your book." "How'd things go with Dinsdale?" "It's complicated." "You've been out with him twice." "Is he giving you the endorsement or not?" "That depends." "On what?" "Well, actually, it's kind of funny." "You told Dinsdale you'd hook me up with him." "How do you do that?" "I... it would just be dinner." "What you do from there..." "If you don't fix this," "I will make sure that when you Google "Karp,"" "it will mean an unspeakable sex act." "You'll never get a hotel reservation, let alone a judicial appointment." "Was there anything else?" "No." "That about does it." "Okay." "So, you know, being able to keep the book is good, but we're gonna have to come up with something better." "We showed that your mom's a doctor sometimes." "Now we got to show that the detective was wrong about that night." "You are way more alert than earlier." "Second wind." "You didn't have a first wind." "You miyagi'd me... making me question my mother myself." "No one in the jury was gonna cry if talked about your mom's vagina." "No, I had to do it." "Thanks, dude." "You helped me get comfortable with my mom's vagina." " Don't want to know." " Are you sure?" "Positive." "Here." "Catch." "One good thing about having to pack up your office?" "No one seems to notice if you slip in and make a zip drive of your boss's e-mails." "What?" "Well... after you got the book excluded... good work, by the way..." "Thank you." "Hewett was, as you might have guessed, pissed." "Came to my office, told me that I'm being transferred to Lancaster traffic court, effective tomorrow." "Ugh." "Lancaster, where legal careers go to die." "Sorry." "Thanks." "Sounds so much better when you put it that way." "Well... you can thank me later." "I can thank you now." "What'd I just say?" "You said "later."" "Ohh." "Oh, these are good." "How good?" "Smoking-gun good." "Look." ""When I get Gingold out of the way," "I'll be able to assign you wherever I want."" "But these are never gonna come in unless Hewett testifies." "Unauthenticated hearsay." " Yeah." "Illegally obtained." " Right." "And Hewett's got the same immunity that Gingold does." "Unless he doesn't." "Let's go see a sex surrogate." "You mean my mom?" "Your mom, the sex surrogate." "Sorry." "I forgot her full name." "Does the defense have any further witnesses to call?" "Uh, yes, Your Honor." "We call assistant D.A. Brad Hewett to the stand." "Uh, objection." "I'm, uh, the trial D.A. on this case, first of all." "After you had a real lawyer kicked off." "Gentlemen." "Your Honor, People v. Altoon holds that a trial lawyer can be called under compelling circumstances." "There is nothing compelling here, Your Honor." "This is just another F-and-B stunt." "Kind of informal with the "F-and-B" there." "And I have executive privilege." "I can't be called." "Little problem there, Your Honor." "I have a memo from Harrison Gingold, the D.A. of L.A. County." "Yeah, apparently he wasn't a fan of his deputy prosecuting a bogus case to further his own agenda." "It's a work assignment, Brad." "Bad news, Bradley." "You've been knocked down from level five D.A." "to a level three and transferred to Lancaster." "I've been demoted?" "Which takes you out of executive privilege." "Your Honor?" "Mr. Hewett... take the stand." "Your Honor, at this time, the prosecution moves..." "You can do it, Brad." "To dismiss all charges against Colleen Bash." "Granted." " Wow." " You guys!" "You did it!" "Ohh." "You did it, too, mom." "I mean, you did it as much as we did." "You reaching out to Gingold about Hewett's e-mails?" "He wasn't gonna get back to us." "You communicated with him." "I need to work on that." "Colleen, you coming to the party tonight?" " Am I invited?" " Well, it would be kind of hard not to." " You're the guest of honor." " Damn right." "And you're not a hooker anymore." "All right, guys." "You never did have much of a short game, Henry." "I've always been more interested in power than finesse." "Well, the complete player needs both." "I hate metaphors, especially golf metaphors." "Where is your nephew?" "Well, I'm here in his stead to tell you to call off your disrespectful demands regarding Rachel King." "That was a perfectly friendly request." "I..." "I can't make him do anything." "No, but you can make giving your judicial blessing contingent on it." "Tell your nephew that the..." "No, I'm not gonna tell him anything because I was never here." "Just like I was never at that hotel in Nashville." "Stanton, you trying to blackmail me?" "No more than you're trying to strong-arm Damien." "He's too deserving for a seat on the bench to be mixed up in your sexcapades." "Buy you a drink?" "I thought you'd never ask." "Are you, uh, saying that, uh... that Rachel King is just too good for me?" "Yes, I am." "No, well, I mean, seriously." "No, seriously, she's far too good for you." "Well, has she got a sister that isn't?" "Give me a sec?" " Yep." " Yep." "No Lancaster?" "Gingold brought me in this morning." "I guess someone put in a nice word for me." "That's hard to imagine." "Bumped me up to a level five." "Oh, well, sometimes the good guy does win." "Not in this case, but..." "You'll always be an obnoxious frat boy." "Yeah." "And you'll always be a sadistic, borderline psychotic." "Ellen." "Hey." "Carlos." "You ready?" "Y... uh, yeah." "Just give me a minute." "Opposing counsel in my next trial." "We're going wine-tasting." "Wine-tasting with Carlos?" "That was nice." "Thanks." "That was nice." "You good?" "What are you talking about?" "I dodged a bullet." "Yeah, like Keanu in "The Matrix."" "Remo Williams." "Come on." "We have a party not to plan." "Yeah." "I can't stand her." "But I miss her." "I can't stand you." "We won a trial." "We're in Malibu." "We're... we're hav... throwing a party." "There's people around us." "It's right what they say in that song." "It is a thin line between love and hate." "Oh, honey, you're bumming me out." "That's not very surrogate-y." "I'm gonna get myself another drink." "Mwah." "Hey, mom?" "Mom." " Are you okay, sweetie?" " I'm fine." "I just, uh, just wanted to let you know that wasn't just for the jury... what I said today." "I really am fine... proud, actually, of what you do." "I'm proud of you, too." "Oh, and if you ever want to talk about any issues you're going through with that pretty beach doctor of yours, you know, just call on me to..." "Not gonna happen." "Okay." "Okay." "I remember once, a great white was upon us." "The break was perfect." "Nobody was getting out, not even poor Apona, who lost an arm." "She was..." "There are no great whites in Tahiti." "Yes." "It was a rogue..." "like me." "Hello, Stanton." "Mwah." "Congratulations on your news." "Oh, for what it's worth," "I never thought you were a tart." "You are quite a charmer." "You did a great job on Colleen's case." "Thanks to you..." "Whatever." "Nobody cares." "Rob Lowe may be onto us." "I think he was here today." "Yeah." "I looked through my telescope, and it was pointed directly at the sun." "I singed my retina." "You can sort of see it if you look." "Look." "God, I never realized how beautiful your eyes are." "They're almost... soulful." "Thank you." "You know, my mother used to say that all the time." "Your mom was right." "Am I interrupting?" " Maybe." " No." "No?" "I'm gonna get some lubricating eye drops." "This isn't over." "Lowe will pay." "Rob Lowe?" "Yeah." "Don't." "Don't!" "Stop." "I'm..." "I'm just say..." "I'm not ready." "You have to admit," "Rachel and your mom making out is one of the hottest things... ever." " No." "No, it is not." " Yes!" " She's my mother." " Yeah, she is." " Okay, hypothetical." " Go." " You get to sleep with my mother..." " Sleep with your mom." "You didn't even hear the second half." "You can say whatever you want." "I'm gonna choose "sleep with your mom."" "$10 million." "Sleep with your mom." "Pet pterodactyl like in," "The Lost World."" "My own?" " Yeah, your own." " That's a good one." "Like, a repet pterodactyl." "Sleep with your mom." "On the pterodactyl." ""Jared!"" "The pterodactyl?" "That's my mom?" "That's your mom. "Jared!""