" I think I'll just..." " Okay." "You've got the euros." "have I?" "Don't start." "You never lose anything." "I'll lose you in a minute." " you can now purchase metro tickets..." " Thank you." "as well as a Paris pass giving you access to museums and access to... monsieur." "We also sell discounted..." "This is exactly what I needed." "Can't we have lunch immediately?" " Are you starving?" " I'm practically dribbling." "I like a man who knows how to dribble." "Rue Myrha." "This is Chateau Rouge." "We've come out here." "Montmartre." " Ah." "Merci." "Practically fluent." " I'm thinking in French now." " You look French." "pardon." "yeah." "Spritely." "you've got to keep going." "You're just showing off now." "Surely not." "They've tarted it up a bit." "They have?" "All right?" "Yep. you could see the Hunchback of Notre Dame's arse." "um." "Beige." "yes." "Meg." "Meg. différente couleur." "So you recommend we should redecorate?" "I can't do that." "Merde." "sir." "How can you do..." "How can you treat..." "Meg!" "Meg!" "sir." " Meg!" " Taxi!" " Don't." " Taxi!" " We do have a complimentary breakfast" " if you'd like to try..." " Wait!" "Wait!" "wait!" "sir." "This was your idea." " How terrible to be in Paris." " You want us to sleep in a coffin." " Give me the euros." " What?" "Give me the euros." "Wow." "Meg." "Stupid..." "Let's get started." "Meg!" "look!" "Ah." "Paris." "stop it." " Merci." "Fuck's sake." "What are we doing?" "Why are we doing it?" "Where are we going?" "what?" "We're in Paris!" "exactly." "Why don't we just stop and enjoy it?" "Just look!" "You'll need this." "Okay." "Merci." "Meg!" "No!" "Please!" "Bonjour." "no." "Non." "non." "Jesus." "Meg?" "Meg!" "Whatever it costs is fine." "sir." " Hello. we are completely and utterly full." "You see?" "They've taken our bags." " What now?" "Back on the train?" " Good idea." "Get a taxi to the Gare du Nord." "Sit in silence all the way back to Moseley before killing ourselves in a suicide pact." "Perfect." "I knew this trip would be a fucking disaster." " You didn't even want to try." " I did." "But why did you book that dreadful place?" "I was foolish enough to want to try and please you." "You actually said you wanted to go back." " Not that far." " Madame?" "it was the wrong place." " It wasn't." "It was." "it wasn't." "They'd just redecorated." "That's all." "there is one possibility. we have a prestige suite available for two nights." "Tony Blair once slept there." "Well?" "As long as they changed the sheets." "Thank you." "of course?" "Of course." "You've got the passports." "Passports." "Bang goes the bathroom." "Just close your eyes when you go in." "My only remaining ambition was to have a bidet." "I think we've earned a very good time." "You know I'm anxious about money." "We might live for ages as a burden to others." "I've taken up Zumba." "I'm redesigning my body." "Why?" "Who's going to see it?" "Meg?" "sir." " Oh." "Merci." "non." "ca va." "Do you want me to show you the room?" "ca va." "sir." " Merci." "sir." "no doubt." "Au revoir." "my God!" "Oh!" "It really is wonderful." "Quite spectacular." "don't you think?" "Right." "stop." "We're not that thirsty." "So far this city is a brilliantly designed machine for extracting all our money." "What are you saying?" "What I'm saying is that we can't proceed with the bathroom until you've made a decision about the tiles." "What's that got to do with this? we could discuss important things." "Like tiles?" "It has to be done." "Suppose I want you to choose the tiles?" "Aren't you interested?" "no." "Here's to us." "darling." "Mmm." " Can I touch you?" " What for?" "This last five to ten years your vagina has become something of a closed book." "I'd rather see the Eiffel Tower than your partially erect sausage." "See both at the same time." "Wouldn't take a moment. we could try taking our lovemaking into another dimension." "What did you have in mind?" "I thought we could pretend to be other people." "A man who still wants to make love to his wife." "if not a far-out perversion." "I might do it for you later." " Really?" " If you stay awake." "we could breathe." " Have your knees gone yet?" " Not yet." "Nothing's gone yet." "Who'd want to live anywhere else?" "Let's do it." "What?" "get a little apartment here." "You'll find we'd still have to earn money." "Haven't we worked for long enough?" "What else would we do?" "We could be artists." "we're from Birmingham." "Not by birth." "it's me." "man!" "are you at home?" "we're on the continent." "in Paris." "we haven't argued yet." "no." "It's wonderful." "I'm falling in love with your mother all over again." "What?" "another one." " What's going on?" " The place is teeming with them." "I'm going inside." " It's important." " Dad?" "Dad?" " It's a rat's nest." " Oh..." "And I don't know what to do about it." "not yet." "that's the first thing to do." " Think they'll be able to help?" "Yeah." "Hmm." "Definitely not." "it's an emergency." "How can you let them stay in a house full of rats with a three-month-old baby?" "We just got rid of them." "You know what she's like." "She makes his life even more intolerable than you make mine." "You make my blood boil like nobody else!" "That's the sign of a deep connection." "Meg!" "Meg!" "Do not mock or patronise me!" "Come on." "He's our son." " Come on." " Stop!" "Why won't you ever let me touch you?" "It's not love." "It's like being arrested." "I'm a phobic object for you." "then." "Go on." "God!" "That's us in ten years." " Is that the height of your ambition?" " Huh?" "give us a kiss." "God!" "What the fuck are you doing?" "Don't you like to be spanked?" "No!" "Don't you know me at all?" "Whoa!" "Ow!" "Nick!" "I'm sorry." "it's my knee." "old fella." "Take me to Casualty." "Stop it." "Stop it!" "Don't be such a girl." "really..." "It really hurts." "can't you be a man for once?" " I'll leave you here." " You do that." "Go on." "God!" "Oh!" "Oh..." "Ah!" "Oh..." "It really hurts!" "I'm serious." "It's not a terrible limp!" "Here?" "I choose dinner." "Usual arrangement." "How's your knee?" "Let's keep walking." "Good boy." "Too modern." "Too empty." "Too empty." "Too touristy." "And they've got an English menu." " We have lift off." " You sure?" "Good." "bonjour." " Bonjour." "Bliss." "le menu." " Merci." "Merci." "I can't think when I've ever had a harder decision to make." "Monsieur?" "Madame." "Vivant." "Rosé." "It's the nicest thing I've ever put in my mouth." "Listen." "Thanks for bringing me." "Try." "Mmm!" "God." "I was sceptical." "But I'm so glad we did this." "Why sceptical?" "lately." "Do you know why?" "DO you?" "You're making that noise." "Am I?" "Have I always done it?" "Like an old horse at the trough." "some people call it." "freedom." "Are you free?" "I'd love not to give a fuck." "my love?" "This is where I want to be forever." "You always did edit out the arguments and misery." "You can't not love and hate the same person." "in my experience." "But you like things steady." "Too steady." "Why have you got your constipated face on?" "The fact of the matter..." "Actually..." "What's happened... the college insisted I take early retirement." "Nick." "fuck." "One of the students made an official complaint." "What did you say? you might have a chance of escaping your background." "She complained to the dean. her identity." "I forget what." "oui." "we're finished." "Why didn't you tell me before?" "I wanted it to be a surprise." "I couldn't think about it." " It's just here." " I hope it's dirty." "I could do with cheering up." "Definitely earthy." "Is this it?" "Are you expecting me to die?" "I'm expecting you to live forever." "Beckett..." "Your heroes." "They're all here." "is it?" "Don't panic." "It's only dust and bones." "That's the problem." "Do we mean love when we say love?" "What else do we mean?" "That's stupid." "I think he means there's more to love than loving or being loved." "where's Sartre?" "This is fun!" "I was brilliant at school." "Bit of a star at university." "I'm amazed by how mediocre I've turned out to be." "you're musical." "You can explain Wittgenstein to the illiterate." "your numerous talents." "I did?" "Why would I do that?" "Masochism?" "It's not too late for you to find another direction." "Why don't you think about it?" "Do you think so?" "People don't change." "They do." "They can get worse!" "Why have you cheered up so much?" "What is wrong with you?" "Come on." "Can you see anything there?" " Have I got skin cancer?" " Yes." "I knew it." "You also mentioned early onset Alzheimer's and stomach cancer." "That's right." "And a lazy eye." "What else?" "You'll be sorry that you never loved me enough." "Mmm." "♪ Kidding you" "♪ You used to laugh about" "♪ Everybody that was hanging out" "♪ Now you don't talk so loud" "♪ And now you don't seem so proud" "♪ About having to be scrounging" "♪ Your next meal" "♪ How does it feel?" "♪ How does it feel?" "♪ To be without a home" "♪ Like a complete unknown ♪" "I've got the key." "Hold on." "Hold on." "Where are my keys?" "We're not at home." "Even you might have noticed." "I get anxious if I don't know where they are." "even when it's futile and stupid." "And don't use my toothbrush." "You'll give me gum disease." " That's not even yours." " It bloody is!" "yes." " Blue toothbrushes." " It's a panda welcome." "The welcoming committee." "Why's that panda staring at me?" "monsieur." "Bonjour." "Catch me!" "Pardon." "Bonsoir." "Bonsoir." "They'll take our last penny." "I want to go down gulping oysters." "Come on." "I love it when you're in this mood!" "possibly." "Do you think that part of the reason you invited Jack and Angie back into the house was because you can't bear being alone with me?" "I can't bear to be apart from you." "you are pathetically dependent." "Why don't you want to help young people?" "Shut up." "Idiot!" "sometimes." "I want a new start." "Sorry?" "I wanted to tell you." "I've gone as far as I want to at the school." "I'm fed up teaching Biology GCSE." "I don't want to run the department." "That's mad." "What would you do instead?" "I don't know. dance the tango." "Is it such a terrible idea?" "Once the kids have gone..." "What's left of us?" "You've picked our anniversary to dump me?" "We must at least be able to talk about it." "Right?" "Of course." "love." "Let's enjoy our dinner." "Come on." "Let's talk about the bathroom." "I've got some good ideas." "Nick?" "The least you can do is buy me a last supper." "My pleasure." "Go outside and smoke." " I don't smoke." " And wait." "Get your coat." "And get my coat too." "That's all you have to do." "Right." "Fucking hell." "Right." "please." "Of course." "madam?" "thanks." " Thank you." "excusez-moi." "Pardon." "Nick!" "Nick!" "Over here!" "what are you doing?" "Get this thing." "They've plastic on it." "Come on!" "give it a really good pull!" "Yes!" "Ah!" "God!" "Come on." "Rock and fucking roll!" "Don't tell the kids." "Merci." "Come on." "Come on." " Let's do it all again." " What do you mean?" "Try me again and I promise it'll be more fun this time." "Get a room!" "Nick Burrows!" "It is." "Nick Burrows?" "under all that terribly un-English passion?" "hello there!" "how are you?" "How the damn devil in the entire world are you?" "Tell me everything!" " Wow!" " Great." "Good." "Um..." "Not bad." "Meg." " Hello." "Meg." " Your wife?" "I've never seen a man kiss his wife like that." "look at her." "She's so..." "She's so beautiful." "Meg." "that's just delightful!" "what are the two of you up to around here?" "in Paris." "really?" " For old times' sake." "What about you?" "I thought you lived in New York." "I thought I did too." "as a matter of fact." "prostituting myself as usual." "the whole collapse." "apparently." "Who am I to disagree?" "listen..." "We're having a little thing tomorrow." "I'd love it if the two of you could come along." " I don't know." " I think we're free." "You are?" "That's great." "May I?" "May I write a little something?" "this must be synchronicity." "Meg." "Mmm." "There's so much to talk about." "There is?" " Thanks." " Eight o'clock." "You can be unfashionably on time for once in your life." "Wow!" "Tomorrow." "my God!" "Nick..." "Burrows!" "Rue de Rivoli." "Wow!" "We were at Cambridge together." "Haven't you got his book by the bed?" "Possibly." "You read it twice and said it was a bad day for the English language." "It was very well received." "It was a sensation." "He was in the year below me." "I introduced him to everybody." "What happened?" "Life happened." "That's mine." " Give it to me!" " No." "You're gonna get gum disease!" "I'll give you gum disease." " Ow!" " Give it to me!" "sorry." "Blood." "Show me your breasts." "Are you sleeping?" "Awaiting your noises." "What are you thinking?" "Should I have had the creme brulée instead of the poires belle Hélene?" "It'll be my dying thought." " Would it be okay..." " Mmm?" "...for me to briefly mount you..." "Mmm-hmm." "...and soon after ejaculate a miniscule amount?" "I'm dropping off." "Nick?" "Nick?" "Nick?" "What is it?" "What's happened?" "I thought you'd gone." "Wasn't that what you wanted?" "Hold me." "darling." "I've got you." "it's all right." "I've got you." "I've got you." "I never read short stories in the papers at home." "It's good." "madame." "Over here?" "Morgan seems to really like you." "He wasn't joking." "He really does want to see you." "Why?" "What have I got that he could possibly want?" "for a start." " Oh." " Couldn't he help you?" " I like your collage." " You do?" "it looks great." " You look great." " Thanks." "You've always had elegance and grace." "You've always had class." "Thank you!" "Well?" "Well..." "Thanks." "what?" "Have I got class?" "What?" "I want to do the ultimate Cambridge novel." "God!" "Beginning in the '70s. assisted death..." "I'd rather stick pins in my breasts." "Haven't you got any less tired ideas?" "Don't put me down." "you used to call me." "You liked that." "Up to a point." "What are you doing?" "Come on." "Take what you want." "You can cut out the pictures." "I'll pay." "don't look." "I think there's going to be an eclipse." "I love to look at you." "Slightly chubby in places now." "Voluptuous." "I don't want to be fucking chubby in places." "Any places." "I thought you'd like to be appreciated." "I am. tried to pick me up in Waterstones." "Doesn't surprise me." "You're hot." "Thank you." "Hot but cold." "Our generation was into weird living: lesbianism." "Nothing straight where possible." "But I'm glad we got married." "That's why I wanted to celebrate this weekend." "It's the commitment..." "The sacrifice of other pleasures that makes it work." "You're terrified." " Of what?" " Being left alone." "You follow me round the house like a child with a popped balloon." "Nick." "It's getting worse." "Some people brag about their ability to be alone." "But I've started to feel a sort of physical dread of desertion." "come on!" "Why doesn't anybody want my company?" "Do you like the shoes?" "monsieur?" "Tell me who you bought those shoes for." "What do you mean?" "You know who." "for me?" "you idiot." "I've decided to give up everything I like. the only advantage of masochism." "I want to stop desiring things which are impossible." "then." "What?" "What?" "Get down." "Look." "Can you see?" "Let me smell you." "Please..." "Just a sniff." "You're a naughty dog." "Get ready while I put my dress on." "Haven't got any..." "Anything to get ready in." "and write your masterpiece." "like Jack does." "I wouldn't rely on him in matters of the head." "You envied him." "You made sure he had more of you than I did." "He was the child." "Now you want him back in the house." "You can't let anyone go." "I haven't seen this since I read Gramsci and contemplated kidnapping a captain of industry." "This is the last time I save you." "What?" "madame?" "Always on the room." "It's my new mantra." "On the room." "Everything on the room." "I think I'm gonna ask Morgan to help you get your philosophy book published." "I'm not ready to start that." "What's so amusing?" "You are always about to write a book or about to decorate the bathroom or about to tell me something which will alter our lives forever." "But you know what you are?" "A potential Nobel laureate?" "You are the postman who never knocks." "And you know why that is?" "lighten my burden of ignorance." "I'm not sure you've got any balls." "you were part of the feminist Taliban and you insisted I contact my feminine side." "Have I not contacted it sufficiently?" "Contacted it?" "You practically married it." "Perhaps one day I'll be as tall and manly and as nifty with Microsoft Word as Melik." "Melik." "The computer guy?" "Melik?" "Melik." "Well?" "Are you going to admit it?" "Admit what?" "Your lover." " Yes?" "That kid?" "sweaty nerd in a badly-fitting T-shirt?" "Are you having a nervous breakdown?" "Admit it." "How many times do you expect me to believe your bloody laptop can go wrong?" "Admit it!" "You're ill!" "I saw how you were with him." "Tell me the truth." "You're an idiot." "I've had enough of you." "tell me the truth." "Have I ever lied to you?" "Ever? to keep this pathetic thing going?" "I thought you were interested in someone else." " It's me I want more of!" " Why?" "What for?" " I want to sell the house." " What?" "I'm to be thrown out of my own home?" " Get a flat." " I don't have an income." "Divorce happens to everyone now." "You went with a student!" "Fifteen years ago." "How could you bring that up now? He'll be fine." I was out of my mind with worry." "You couldn't believe that any child of yours could possibly have anything wrong with him." "I was isolated." "You preferred the boys to me." "Do you blame me?" "Meg." "Meg... our lives will never be the same again." "let's open the door." "why don't you stay out here whingeing and complaining as usual?" "I actually want to go to a party." "Meg!" "please." "Fucking apologise!" "Why should I?" "You dressed up for him." "You took him tea." "You hung around wearing that scent." "Meg." "Take that seriously." "Love dies." "Only if you kill it." "you really are." " Call me paranoid." "you must be." "Melik!" "you." "You're frozen inside." "you'd freeze a penguin." "ha." "That's not fuckin' funny." " You're weak." "You won't even get through this evening without a nervous breakdown." " Welcome!" " Ah!" "you made it." "That's so wonderful." " Ah!" "There we are." " Hi." "Not far to go." "Good evening." "would you like some champagne?" "come on in." "I was worried you guys weren't gonna make it." "come on. and they're dying to meet you." "I've been talking you up." "Stéphane." "I've been thinking about you all day." "You have?" "What gorgeous hell is this?" " Merci." " Merci." "go in." "They're French." "I'm sure their lives are awful too." "Don't leave me on my own." "Isn't that what you want?" "There we are." "Thought I'd lost you." "Come on in." "I'll introduce you." "I didn't see that black lacy..." "I wish I had my sketch pad." "May I introduce you to all these talkative types?" "everybody." "my long-suffering publishers." "They do all my stuff here in France." "Meg." "They're from London." "He's a professor of philosophy." "I didn't ask you." "Tell me what you do." " Writer?" " I'm a teacher." "That's so interesting." "I wanna hear all about that." "Jean-Pierre." "May I introduce our expert on Proust?" " He's exaggerating." " Not true." "He's so good." "And you're currently translating Dickens." "Yeah." "Bleak House." " Oh!" " Bleak House. very successful... who's got a very interesting show of drawings." "St Honoré." "it's fantastic." "I highly recommend it." " Christophe Aragues." " Ara-gueth." "Ara-gueth." "He's a professor of economics at the Sorbonne." "who's an economist at Le Monde." "Financial Times." "The Financial Times." "Perhaps you've run into his stuff." "is my wife Eve." "my darling." "Nick Burrows and Meg." "Thank you." "Nick." "Can I steal your sweet husband away for a sec?" "do." " What are you gonna say?" "right." "There you go." "Okay." "There you go." "Nick." "if I may." "Thanks." "Can't wait to read it." "it's actually just a rehash of my old articles." "they put it into this book and it took off for some reason." "I guess." "It could happen to anybody." "you're too serious." "have you ever even said anything slight in your whole life?" "not in the time that I knew you." "Here have a..." "Please have a seat. in those times when I've tried to convince myself I had some kind of brain you know what I've thought so often to myself?" "What would Nick Burrows do now?" "What would Nick say now?" " You have?" " Yes." "Thank you so much." "Would you like something to eat?" "merci." " Are you sure?" "Thank you." "Ju..." " Julie." " Julie?" "Julie." "Eve." "She's gonna eat me alive." "I'm not..." "I'm not a total idiot." "But..." "I was so depressed and I was just suffocating and I was dying." "I was seeing every psychiatrist on the Upper West Side." "told me what I wanted to hear and he released me and I slipped away from my wife one morning without even taking my toothbrush." "It was totally insane." "And I wound up here." "I decided to do the whole thing all over again." "marriage and kids." "And so now here I am..." "Mmm." "Enjoying..." "Keeping the Mona Lisa fascinated." "And she adores me." "Can't see through me..." "Yet." "But we know she will." "she will." "So am I brave or am I foolish?" "Why would you put yourself through all that again?" "Because I'm vain." "Because I'm just ridiculously vain." "I wanna be adored and waited for and listened to." "Don't you?" "I don't share your delusion." "delusion?" "How am I deluded?" "you're free." "no." "no." "Mmm." "Mmm!" "Do you know what I just flashed on?" "Do you remember those mornings at dawn that we would get up to sell those newspapers in front of the factory gates?" "I think we sold about four of them before the working-class heroes chased us away." "I'll bet those factories aren't even there any more. that you put on at the ADC with the Pink Floyd music?" "Very brilliant." "Very brilliant." "Were those the days?" "Oh!" "Wow!" "that's the truth." "it's been just a breeze for guys like us." "you know. beautiful wife. the royalties from all your books and a big pension at the end of all of it." "Am I getting my serve in the ballpark?" "bearded friends with whom you can discuss politics and philosophy while you all sing along to Joni Mitchell records?" " You see me more clearly than I see myself." "I can do a little thing." "You know..." "I think we've taken too much out of the world." "baby." "Really?" "all that stuff." "you know." "I wanna go into the banlieues with some good people and some money but shake things up." "Do you wanna come with me?" "Me?" "2K." "Neither of us'll miss that kind of money." "Make it four." "I'll put a cheque in the post tomorrow." "Nick Burrows." "I knew you'd get it." "I knew it." "Here's to the future." " Are you an artist?" " I wish." "you..." "You look like an artist." "Perhaps it's your hair." "what are you doing here?" "that's a good question." "what are you doing here in Paris?" "it's our wedding anniversary." "how long?" " Thirty years." " That's amazing." "isn't it?" "Our children have left home." "Nearly." "we're alone together." "And now you will have time just for each other." "Mmm." "I know it's awful." "I can't wait to be with him every minute of the day." "He knows everything." "I will never be bored by him." "Suppose he's bored by you?" "Really?" "You think?" "I don't believe in that." "The one." "There are many ones." "That's the problem." "People start to murder you." "You have to be ruthless." "My husband claimed I was unfaithful." "And what did you say? What a waste." "To be accused of being a whore and to be so innocent." "I'm sorry." "When's the baby due?" "it's for April." "Sorry." "Who are you?" "Nick." "I'm Nick." "Do you like that music?" "Uh..." "I like all music." "I give it a go." "Good for you." "Do you want a drink?" "enjoying the party?" "I'm not sure enjoyment's really my thing." "I don't quite fit in." "let alone with anyone else." "I'm just here for the weekend." "I live in New York." "Morgan's my dad." "right." "How's that?" "Not too bad?" "Does he talk in a loud voice all the time?" "Even his emails are loud." "Hi." " Hi." " Can I join you?" "Please do." "yes?" " Yeah." "It is." "Do you know Paris well?" "not well. la Gare d'Orsay and the Tour Montparnasse over there." " Mmm-hmm." " Les Invalides." "yes." "L'Obelisk." " You see I'Obelisk?" " It's pretty." "a weekend in Paris." "What a drag!" "the better." "You've obviously never been to Birmingham." "if I were you." " That's what my dad says." " He does?" "He and I don't really share that many interests." "That's not unusual." "he likes the idea of me being around. but he really freaks out if we're ever stuck in the same room together." "I suppose." "He hates being hated." "What about your mum?" "She's okay." "kill herself." "fuck! threw herself out of a window." "my God!" "but she's okay." "She's over that now." "What are you thinking?" "Sorry?" "What are you thinking at this moment?" "situation of a woman like me." "dissatisfaction..." "Fury." "And the clock ticking by." "What a great thing." "What?" "To be so attuned to your own unhappiness." "Look..." "You see La..." "La Rue de Rivoli?" "there is a little bar if you like." "When?" "if you like." "What do you do?" " I'm a teacher." " A teacher?" "really." "Jesus!" "Is that a fucking monkey I see before me?" "Do you know what my problem has been?" "I am one of those unfortunate people who is congenitally faithful to his wife." "I don't want to go to bed with strangers." "I only like her." "there's never been sex without an attempt at love." "Uh-huh?" "Love is the only interesting thing." "far more difficult to do than sex." "What is wrong with me?" "What's he telling you?" "it's difficult to make sense of it." "They want us to eat." "Having a good time?" "A man asked me to have a drink with him." "Did he?" "What did you say?" "I said yes." "When?" "Later tonight." "Don't do that." "Please don't do that." "I want to go." "you should take these." "You might need them." "We are all here to celebrate the brilliance of this." "Ah!" "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "No... buying art and learning Russian." "that's true." "he has the energy of 100 teenagers." "Yes." "But wait." "He's dark." "He's moody." "Moody?" "Yes." "all through breakfast." "he talks even when he's on the toilet." "I'm stunned." "That's dessert talk." "than Pére-Lachaise." "But I..." "I agreed to take him on." "pourquoi?" "Pourquoi?" "idiocy." "Idiocy?" "idiocy?" "love." "love." "my love." "To Morgan." "Cheers." "Santé." " Santé." "Cheers." " Thank you." "Thank you." "sweet." "Let me say it quick." "Let me get this over with." "and from my wife of all people?" "my golly!" "thank you all for coming." "they're gonna be in a box in the hall." "as many as you want." "Some are even unsigned." "I think that makes them more valuable. but about this fella right here? kissing a woman passionately in the street." "He later claimed that that woman was his wife." "you know." "on a time when you and I were skulking around presuming to figure out how to fix the world." "I made him take me on as his disciple and stalked him at meetings and followed him around to these little bring-your-own-bottle parties in bedsits and grubby little restaurants with names like Eros and The Whim." "He started to shame me into reading real things." "You made me concentrate for more than five minutes at a time." "And he made me say true things for the first time in my short and well-upholstered Yankee life." "My gosh. as you have done so magnificently over these years." "may we raise a glass to my friend Nick Burrows." "Nick." "To Nick Burrows." "Santé." "my friend." "Fuck." "Shit..." "Um..." "Fucking hell." "Morgan." "I'm grateful for what you said." "Um... quite far back." "But I was reminded of something." "Of myself." "Of the self" "I hide in myself." "I suppose." "I'm still a fool for the truth." "Always my weak point." "point out set up to produce only idiocy." "I should point out that I have just been sacked for apparently speaking inappropriately to a female black student." "My older son is a pot-head with rats in the house that we bought for him with the last of our savings." "His chosen profession is to watch television in the afternoons." "I'm broke." "Every bone and muscle in my body screams with agony when I attempt to tie my shoelaces." "I'm near shitting myself with fear and anxiety every moment of the day." "Plus the fact my wife is well aware that I only cling to her like a drowning man to a shelf of melting ice" "because no one else would touch me." "to give me the slip later this evening good for her." "too." "So think of me as falling out of a window..." "Forever." "For I am truly fucked." "that was awesome." "Is that it?" "Did I leave anything out?" "please?" "please." "I was on the balcony just now talking to Jean-Pierre. when I was with a friend." "And my phone rang." "um." "I spoke with the person." "Who was that?" "Was it your secret lover? and you kept laughing." "What do you mean?" "It was my husband." "it was my husband." "Nick?" "are you..." "Are you heading out?" "as always." "I wish you didn't have to rush away." "I'm so sorry if I..." "Did I say something possibly..." "How long are you guys gonna be here for?" "but I don't know specifically." "Do you still have my number?" "uh..." "'Cause you can text me." "We don't even have to speak." "I love you!" "You fucking idiot." "You genius." "How could you do that?" "Talent." "I nearly..." "Puked." "Thank you." "You know what? you did this thing." "You came over and you kissed me on the side of the head." "Just casually." "But I thought it was the loveliest thing." "Thanks." "Now." "do it again." "I guess." "my abiding memory." "You can get the lift." "I'm sorry." "We have instructions to refuse you entry to this room." " You've been checked out." " Why?" "It's not midday." "I apologise." "give it to me." " It's an outrage!" "It's ridiculous!" " Give it to me." "Come on." " Ha ha!" " Wahey!" "Come on!" "Quickly!" "Pardon." "pardon." "Excusez-moi." "merci." "Pardon." "monsieur." "pardon." "Excusez-moi." "Merci." "Mr and Mrs Burrows." "Please accept my deepest apology for our little difficulty." "But I'm sure we can sort everything out very quickly." " Will you please follow me?" " Yeah." "we have your passports in our safe." "But why?" "The credit card you gave us is beyond its limit." "See..." "Here's the bill." "Right." "Mmm-hmm." "um... that is quite a lot of money." "of the damage to the room." " There is?" " Yes." "of course." " It looks like we got carried away." " Oh?" " It was worth it." " Yeah." "you have another carol?" "I'm afraid." "And how do you intend to pay?" "With our lives?" "madam." "it's a very serious matter indeed." " A very serious matter." " Yeah." "I'm not listening to any more of this." "That's me bust." " What are you doing?" " Texting Morgan." "Why?" "isn't he?" "shit." "Dad." "Having a lovely time?" " We're having a fine time." " Making friends with many frogs?" "no." "Have you come to a decision?" "yes and no." "Your mother says it wouldn't be a good idea for you to move back in with us." "You'll be better off staying with a mate." "Yeah." "we're enjoying being on our own now." "we hope to be back soon." "sorry." "Sorry." "Hello?" "Hello?" " Are you there?" "Can you hear me?" " Hello?" " Hello?" "Hello?" " Dad?" "We got cut off." "Yes!" "What?" "I said you had the euros." "monsieur." " Merci." "we'd get beaten to death." "It's been the best time." "The best." "Oh!" "are you kidding?" "My pleasure!" "What..." "What's happening?" "we've had..." "A couple of little problems." " Really?" "Like what?" " Well... great time." "We certainly have." "I guess you have. which could take a while." "my pleasure." "I'll get some food and we'll have a great evening in." "Do you like that idea?" "We'll play music and dance." "by any chance?" " I'd love to sing." " I'd love to hear you sing."