"War." "Total war." "A struggle for survival." "In this era of force and destruction historians will argue." "What was the most influential factor." "What was the most deadly instrument?" "The most deadly weapon?" "Was it the overwhelming manpower?" "Was it the blistering fire of the rockets?" "Was it the thundering mail from heaven?" "The bombs, the blockbusters?" "Was it the lightning like descension of the silent parachute?" "Was it the whithering stutter of the light machine-gun?" "Or the spectacle from the commanding troops?" "Or is it the prival juggernaut the Patton tank?" "Was it the flame-thrower?" "Or was it the screaming anger of faster than sound, quicker than this:" "B-2 rocket?" "No!" "It was none of these things." "The most effective, the most deadly..." "The most terrifying weapon of all time was." "Yes, you're right." "The sergeant's whistle." "All right you guys, now I'm gonna tell you something." "Well, the Colonel is coming, see?" "And as usual the Colonel ain't very happy." "And I ain't very happy either." "Look at this joint." "It looks like Coney Island on a Monday morning." " Hi Sarge, what's the action?" " Have you seen Corwin?" "Yeah, I seen him, but I couldn't take him so I sent him over to the mess hall." "He's on KP." " Okay, take them away." " Right Sarge." "All right my friends." "I want you to fall out, spread out, and pick up everything that ain't growing or nailed down." "Alright let's go." "Can I have some food?" "Come on, come on." "Well, let's have it." " What are they gripping about?" " Well, they've got to eat them." "Well, I've got to cook them." "Let's get out of here, it's the Sarge." " What do you think you're cooking around here?" " Beans?" "Oh shut up!" "You've been getting away with murder, and it's got to stop." "You understand?" "Shut up!" "Just because we were friends before and used to work together," "I've been covering up for you." "That's gotta stop too." "Do you understand?" "Shut up!" "Now get your pack and everything that goes with it." "I want to see you down front in exactly 5 minutes." "Understand?" "Shut up!" "You're going to go on a long, long journey and you may not be back this way, you understand?" "Shut up!" "Get to packing, everything goes with it, be down there in 5 minutes." "Understand." "Shut up!" "Going on a long, long trip, you may not be back this way." "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "He's going to under AR 605-300... before the CO can get him on a 104 and 107 article loophole." "Now the record goes on a WVAGO form 20 and 24." "He could be eligible for a 615-360." "Section 7, paragraph 49." "Oh sure, I get it." "Sure and an MR19-2, his profile is 24.4.4.4D." "Oh brother, I ain't in the army, I'm back in the numbers racket." "Here's your mail Corporal." "Well, guess I'll take another crack at that bandit." "Do you think it will work?" "It should." "There was a guy in here a while ago who fixed it." "Bout time." "How do you like that?" "Now you don't even get the nickel back." "Crazy army." "I asked for a transfer again and they throw me right out of the Italian headquarters." "Shaughnessy, how many times do I have to tell you, this ain't a day room." "Alright, sir." " Got a cigarette?" " Yeah, here." " Tell Sergeant McVey I want to see him right away." " Right!" " Is Miller in?" " Yeah." "Hey Miller, what do you think we've got here?" "Midgets?" "Captain, what about this training film tomorrow morning?" "Oh yes... that begins at 7 o'clock." "Now the theater's 2 blocks away so I think we'd better fall out at 6:35." "They'll want us in front of the battlelion headquarters." "Not later than 6:25." "In that case Davenport, have the men lined up and ready to go" " at... 6:15." " Roger." "I'll take care of that, sir." "Right away!" "Oh, Lieutenant." "One more thing." "Make sure..." "Look what they gave Miller to issue to every man in the company." "Bullet proof underwear!" " You know what that means, don't you?" " Sure." "South Pacific." "Sgt Puccinelli." "As you were." "Now Sergeant, we have a special movie tomorrow morning and" "I want the men to be in uniform and" " ready to fall out at 10 minutes past 6." " Yes, sir." "Oh,er, just one more thing, Sergeant." "Just to make sure, you better have the men fall out at 5 minutes past 6." "Yes, sir." "Hey Sarge, that guy is lost again." "Well, you'd better find him." " Right Sarge." "Hey, you see them lights?" "You see that sign?" "Let's be turning them off." "Sergeant McVey, we've got to see the work, don't we?" "Yeah, what if Colonel Davis comes?" "He don't like lights on in the daytime." "Another thing McVey, the company has an early formation tomorrow and you'd better have those men fall out at 5 minutes before 6." " 5 minutes before 6 huh?" " Yeah." "I tell you, I've got some names here that are cock-a-may-mes." "Rodowsky, Smellywesh..." "Keselioshmiasch." "Let me pull them out early, say about 5:45 huh?" " Okay." " Right Sarge." "Some day this guy is going to blow his brains out." "If you ask me, he's already done it." "Yes sir." "Yes Captain." "Yes sir!" "See the first Sergeant in the other room." "Go around the outside." "Through that door." "That door." "I said that door." " Got a cigarette?" " No, I quit." "Can't afford it." "There you are." "Where've you been?" "Fine looking specimen you are." "Get over there." "Look at you!" "Look at this!" "Fix the helmet." "Now get out on the parade grounds." "Ten times round." "Double time." "Understand?" "Then come back here." "I've got plans for you." "Go on, get the lead out of your bucket." "Wait a minute." "Come here." "Got a cigarette?" " I've been arguing with him again." " Oh yeah?" "I don't dig this army at all." "I want overseas..." "I stay here." "The guys don't want to stay here, get overseas." " You forget, there's a war on." " Yeah, but what do we get to do about it?" "When I was a civilian, we had something going every minute." "Singing, dancing, working in nightclubs." "I join the army, I sit on my hands." "I'm hungry." "Think I'll inspect the mess hall." " Hi ya Sarge." "Been waiting up for me?" " How come you're late Edwards?" "I was drunk." "I don't blame you." "With a kisser like that, I'd be loaded all the time." "Why thank you." "You're welcome, now go to your barracks Edwards, get into your fatigues and report back here." "And if you have any social engagements, call your secretary and have her cancel them." "Sergeant's real brave today." "I get any mail?" "Sure took you a long time to sober up." "Took me a long time to get drunk." "My new girl had a date with another Joe last night." "What's the matter, losing your appeal?" "Does that look like I'm losing my appeal?" "Wow!" "Very tasty." "Hello." "Hello." " Is Sergeant Puccinelli in?" " No, he's out." "What did you want to see him about?" "It's of a rather personal nature." "Oh, would you like to leave a message?" "Yes, just tell him Nelly was here." "I'll be back in 10 minutes." "On second thought, do you mind if I sit here and wait for a while." " No no, go right ahead." " Thanks." "Clark, do you have that field... manual?" "I want four copies of this Clark." "It's to go to the adjutant." " But sir, I did this yesterday." " Oh you did?" "Yes sir." "So you did." "Well, I want one more copy." "Yes, sir." "You know, it takes a fantastic amount of paperwork to administer even a little tank company, such as we have here." "Are you ready Ernie?" "Not yet dear." "I'll be right with you." "I've decided we can do without another copy of this." " That's our commanding officer." " Which one?" "Who in the company is that girl married to?" "I don't know dear." "Shall we call the detectives?" "Now darling, don't get testy." "I just happen to know that she's the tidiest little girl, she works on the post, she has a calcium deficiency, and she's expecting." "Expecting?" "Yes, and don't ask me what she's expecting." "Where in the world did you uncover all of this, Mrs. Sherlock Holmes?" "At the clinic yesterday." "I was there for my cold shot and one of the nurses told me about her." "Say, I just remembered, there's been a mix-up in the OD roster." " I know." " I may get it." "No you won't." "Lt. Terray is stuck as officer of the day." " Are you sure?" " Yes." "Sally Pearson told me, that the adjutant's wife told her, that the adjutant said so at noon." "Oh well, if Sally said so, that settles it." "How are you getting along with Colonel Davis?" "Well, that depends." "How are you getting along with Mrs. Davis?" "That woman!" "She's so rank-conscience." "How soon will you be ready to leave?" "Why don't you go to the club and wait." "I have a lot of papers to sign." " Can't someone else sign those?" " I'm the only one." "The United States Army has high regard for my signature." "I wish The First National Bank did." "Where'd you get these clothes Sergeant?" "Quarter master sir." "And why didn't you get a shipping ticket when you got the clothes?" "I don't know sir." "Maybe they weren't paying attention when I drew the issue?" "Then this is stolen goods." "No sir." "I think I'll have to have a look at army regulations." "But Lt. Davenport, don't you trust me?" "This is no way to run a business." "Carry on." "He's going to tell me how to run a business." "He used to be a soda-jerk." "He just ran out of soda." " I got to see the First Sergeant." " Hi ya kid." "I see you're still wearing your old hat." "You leave me alone." "I got troubles." "In the army?" "You got troubles?" "Yeah, and I gotta see the First Sergeant right away!" "It's important." "Take it easy..." "Don't tell me how to take it." "I got to get a three-day pass." "Last guy in the army that got a three-day pass, was Sergeant York." "Yeah, well I don't care." "I got to see my wife." "It's an emergency." "I've had emergencies, but could I get a pass?" "Bet you were never having a baby." "Kid, I've never even had my appendix out." " Corwin!" " Yes sir." " Did you do those penalty tours?" " Yes Corporal." " Did you report to the drill Sergeant?" " Yes Corporal." " Did you report to the mess Sergeant?" " Yes Corporal." "Okay." "Boy, if I ever get overseas, the first thing I'm gonna do is surrender." "Concentration camps have got to be better than this." "What crummy coffee." "Why I wouldn't wash my..." "Hey!" "It's here, the shipping order." " Came while you were out." " Now watch me get out of this hole." " Hey Sarge, I wanna..." " What do you want?" "Nothing." "I just thought that maybe I..." "Get out of my way." "Can't you see I'm busy?" "Captain Caldwell, I've just seen the shipping orders and I have just the man for you sir." "Good." "Who is he?" "Me!" "First Sergeant Victor Puccinelli." "Don't be foolish Sergeant." "This call is only for Privates and PFC's." "You'd better make up your mind, you're staying here." " I've seen army..." " I won't argue that point." "Now, about this shipment." "We can't be expected to cripple ourselves, so don't send anyone who is useful." "How about that kid who never does anything right?" " You mean Corwin?" " That's the one." "He's right out here now sir." "Maybe Eisenhower can do something with him." "Yes sir." "Corwin!" " I want to see you." " I've been wanting to see you too Vic." "I wanted to know if I..." "Get you hands off my desk and call me Sergeant." " Can't you stand up?" " Yes Sergeant." "I just wanted to know if I could get a three-day pass." "What'd you say?" "I want to know if I can get a three- day pass?" "Did you get permission from your platoon Sergeant to come in here?" "No, Sergeant, but I..." "How many times must I tell you that in the army you must go through channels." "I know, but this is an emergency and if I go through the section leader and the platoon sergeant and you and the CO and everybody else, ...my kid will be old enough to be drafted himself." "Very funny." "I can't be giving you a three-day pass every week." "You just came off one." "That's not true." "I haven't been on one in a long time." "And if my wife forgets what I look like, you'll be responsible." "You should get that lucky." "We'll see about it when the time comes." " You heard me." " Yes Sergeant." "Aren't we going to rehearse our act for the show?" "Oh get going." "Wait a minute." "Come here." "How come you didn't shave today?" "No one said I was suppose to." "I didn't shave yesterday and nobody said nothing." "Get out of here." "You always didn't use to treat me like this." "Oh stop mumbling." "You always didn't use to treat me like this, that's what I said, so there so." " Are you going to start that again?" " Yes, I am." "You're suppose to be my friend." "We lived on the same block, in the same city." "And you know what you promised my mother." "Stop hitting my desk." "And what did I promise your mother?" "That no one would harm a hair on my head." "You mean both heads." "Ho, ho!" "That's rich!" "Oh quiet pea-head." "Just because we were friends before..." "Friends before is right." "Anything to do with now." "I have a responsibility and you're part of it." "I'm warning you, you're driving me crazy." "That's no drive, that's a short putt." "Ah what do you want?" "Special privileges?" "No, I just want to remember you as the best man at my wedding." "You're not kidding." "And we were buddies, and we wrote songs, and we sang and we danced together." "And you still owe me 8 dollars and 75 cents, from before the war." "And we was friends and family." "We was just like brother and sister." "And what happens?" "Along comes a crummy little war and clip-clap, you turn into a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Clyde." "What is it with you anyhow?" " Alright... alright..." " Alright... alright..." "Big man!" "Couple of stinking stripes." "Big deal!" " Go home and wash your face." " Go home and wash your face." "Big deal." "Look at him, General Delivery." "Get out of here." "What's the matter with Einstein?" "He thinks I bombed Pearl Harbour." "When Edwards comes back, tell him he's being shipped out." "Say, there was a Millie here looking for you." "Millie?" "Wonder what she wants?" "Oh, what's the date?" " 29th." " That's it!" "Tomorrow is the anniversary of our first alert." "Alert?" "This office has never been alerted." "I know." "I just used it as a gag." "You know the first time I saw Nelly, she looked real good to me." " But all I got was ice-cubes." " So?" " So I told her we were being alerted." " So?" "So she let me kiss her." "So?" " So, I took her out a few more times." " So?" " So, she let me kiss her a few more times." " What's wrong with that?" "Nothing, expect one day she started to talk and I found out how dumb she was." "You know that dame is really 60 cents short." "Not only that." "She got on a getting-married kick." "What is it with these dames?" "They all want to get married?" "I know a lot of nice people that aren't married." "Then one night I took her out..." "Yes sir!" "Yes sir!" "Right sir!" "After you tell Edwards he's being shipped out, send him in to see Miller..." " and have his supply record checked out." " Right." "Hello!" "You're that cute Corporal that was here when I came before, aren't you?" "Yes, but the Sergeant Puccinelli still isn't in." "I don't suppose you know if he's going to stay in camp tonight or tomorrow night?" "No you see, we never know when we're going to be alerted." "I know." "Ours is not the reason why." "Ours but to do or die." "That's cute." "Look, why don't you write him a note." "Write him?" "Well, you do it." "Just say:" "I'll be back at 6:45 when I get off from work." "And put down it's important." "And if I don't see him, there might be trouble." "Okay." "If I see him." "You know, he's not the easiest guy in the world to locate." "Don't I know it." "Well, I have to get back to the PX." "We're terribly busy today, we're closed." "Closed for inventory." "Good-bye." "Well, they did it again." "The adjutant just stuck me with Officer of the Day." " I know." " You know?" " Well, why didn't you tell me?" " My wife just told me." "Did she also mention when the war would be over?" "She doesn't tell me everything she knows." " Clark?" " It's okay." "She's gone." "What did Millie have to say?" "She left you a note." "She said she'd be back 6:45." "Come in." "No." " But Sergeant!" " You got permission to come in here?" " No." " Well get out." "They think all I have to do around here is hand out passes." "What was I talking about?" "Millie." "She said if she doesn't see you tonight, there's going to be trouble." "I'd better catch the first bus into town." "Hey Corporal." "Would you know where I can...?" "Hey!" "Douse them lights." "The Colonel's coming." "The offices too." "Hey!" "Oh, I'm sorry sir, but the Colonel is coming and you know how he feels about lights burning in the daytime." " And you know how I feel about it." " Yes, I do sir." " All clear." " Okay, turn them on." "Hey, where's Corwin?" "He's been running in and out of here all day long, and if it keeps up, we're going to have to put in a revolving door." "Well, has he got permission to skip training?" "No and you'd better find him and we'll send him to the CO." "Right Sarge!" "And another thing." "Edwards and these guys are shipping overseas." "Come in." "Come in." " Get out of here." " Come back here." "You need to be explaining why you haven't been in no classes this afternoon." " I've been looking all over for you McVey." " Oh, you've been looking for me huh?" "Yeah, can I have permission to see the first Sergeant?" "No!" " But I gotta see him." " You don't gotta see nobody!" "I've got a message for the first Sergeant from battalion headquarters." " Why didn't you say so?" " He didn't allow me." "Corwin, will you never learn?" "You know, before you take off on detail, you gotta tell your platoon Sergeant." "All right!" "What's the message?" "It says you gotta report to the dispensary in the morning for a physical examination." "Physical!" "?" "Let me see that." "My application for ** went through." "Hey Sarge, you need me for anything?" "No, take two weeks off." "Wait a minute Sarge." "Form 38 is filled out in case of discharge." " Discharge?" "What does that mean?" " Oh he's right Sergeant." "According to paragraph 8, article 40-100, 24 hours prior to discharge of an enlisted man, for reasons other than physical disability, he must be examined and form 38 filled out." "They can't do this to me." " Sergeant!" " What?" "When you get home, will you call my mother?" "Oh, get out of here." "I'll refuse." "I'll go in and tap his head with a 4x4." "Captain Corwin, can you tell me about this?" "They want to discharge me." "Me ** for that crazy." " Now Sarge." " Go ahead and read it for yourself." "Sergeant Puccinelli, Nelly will be..." "No, no, no" "WDA..." "Form 30..." "Oh calm yourself Sergeant." "Your application for warrant-officer has come through." "You're being discharged to accept the appointment as warrant-officer." "Me an officer?" "Well, that's worse." " Sergeant." " Yes sir?" "Will you make out tomorrow's morning report and send it to battalion." "Morning report tonight?" "Yes, from now on, they want it in the night before." " It's a discharge, so I can become a warrant-officer." " Congratulations!" "Hey what's this deal about me shipping out?" "There's no deal." "You're just on a movement." "You'll be leaving in a couple of days." "Look Sarge." "How about crossing my name off that list?" "You know, I've got a new girl in town and we're pretty serious." " That's right, touching." " Listen, I've got to see my girl." "I've seen the girls you go with." "You'll do better where you are going." "Yeah?" "Well, I've seen your type too." "Why don't you drop down to Rialto theater sometime?" " Rial?" " Yeah, the new red-headed usher." " Helen?" " That's right." "Well I'm a dirty, low-down, no-good..." "You win that argument." "Go ahead, start another one." "You're cutting in on me." "I go with Helen." " You went with Helen." " Now I see why I'm on shipment." "You're pulling your rank on me." "Don't do it Sarge. 96 article of war." "Sock him and the Captain will bust you." "Put this on the bulletin board." "Sgt. Puccinilli, Millie will be here at 6:45 pm." "Must see you or there might be trouble." "You can take off wise guy and start packing." "I've got work to do." " This ain't no poolroom." " No?" " I could have sworn I just saw an eight-ball." " Get out of here." " And what do you think you're doing?" " I'm singing." "You call this singing?" " Didn't you like it a little?" " I didn't even like it a lot." "You have to admit, my voice is different." "Come on Sarge, let's hear you sing it." "I can't." "I've got some work to do and besides, I've got a date in town." "Come on Sergeant!" "Okay." "One chord." "All right boys." "Come on." "Let's get going." "Come on." " How long before Miller gets here?" " About 20 minutes." "I'd like to find the joker that spread the rumor around that I'm already a warrant-officer." "Why?" "Every time I walk into the barracks some nitwit say out:" "Attention!" "I walked in while McVey was shaving, he snapped to attention and nearly cut his throat." "Sgt McVey cut his throat?" "Nah, he just nicked a little but he bled like a stuck pig." "Okay you lucky people." "You can go to town now." "I'm ready to take over." "Take that junk into the Captain's office." "And take that with you!" "Hey Corwin, give me a hand with this, will you?" "Well I guess that wraps things up, Clark." "Go on, get home to the little woman." "Thanks Sarge!" "See you in the morning." "I'll be back in a minute." "Hey Corwin." "Don't forget you have to polish up outside too." "Listen Shaughnessy." "Some dame might drop in here asking for me, so tell her I'm out running the obstacle course." "Okay, Sarge." "You know Shaughnessy, I kind of wish McVey would cut this throat." "How could he blow his whistle?" "You know, some people tell you when you get in the army, you get used to it." "But they don't say how long it takes, and I ain't getting any younger." " You know something Corwin?" " Hey Corporal!" "Come on." "Let's be giving me the pass." "So what are your plans for the night, Sarge?" "Oh, I guess I'll get me a couple of beers..." " So, going to wet your whistle eh?" " You bet." "Come on, let's be hurrying." "Hey, there's something you missed." "Let's be getting on the ball." "Yeah, but nobody can see up there Sergeant." "That don't make no difference!" "It's awful sloppy around here." "You gotta be neat." "You gotta be tidy." "Cause if we ain't, somebody's gonna get it." "This army ain't just a place to have fun you know." "Well, if anybody asks for me, I'm painting the town." "And when I'm painting the town I'm painting the town." "Big man." "Gotta be neat." "Gotta be tidy." "Here's something you missed." "Let's be getting on the ball." "Yeah, but Sergeant, nobody can see that." "That don't make no difference!" "If anybody asks for me, I'll be out painting the town." "And when I paint the town I'm painting the town." "Take it easy son." "Why does that McVey have to be in the army for?" "Why couldn't he be in the navy?" "I can't sleep in the afternoon on account of that guy." "Why don't you take a poke at him?" "Me take a poke at Sergeant McVey?" "You know what they'd do to me?" "What can they do to you?" "There's nothing lower than what you are now." "Look, in the regulations, it says that you can challenge anybody in the army." "If you think they're taking advantage of you, ask them to put the gloves on with you." "You mean I could sock Sergeant McVey in the nose and nobody would say nothing?" "Sure." " What if he hit me first?" " But you don't let him." "You see it's a matter of science lad." "Come here, I'll show you." "Strike a pose." "Now you see first you gotta take a style." "John L. Sullivan." "No, that's not for you." "Wait a minute." "The Jack Dempsey crouch." "That's better." "You're a killer!" "Get low!" "Lower." "Lower!" "Hey I got it." "Come here." "Toni Cassaneri." "That's it." "He was a ballet dancer." "Oh no." "Look, you gotta have rhythm." "Watch." "Corwin." "Come here." " What are you doing?" " I'm training." "For what?" "I'm going to put the gloves on with Sergeant McVey." "McVey?" "Yeah, I'm going to jab his head off." "Where do you want the body sent?" " Send it to McVey's parents." " Your body!" "Go on, get in and finish the rest of your work." " Vic." " No!" "Can't I just talk to you for a minute?" "All right." "What do you want now?" " Remember that song we wrote together?" " Yeah, what about it?" "Well, we got a telegram from the music publisher and he wants us to put the song on a record and send it to him right away." "Go ahead and make a record of it." "No, I want you should record it." "Get Bing Crosby." "I like you better." "Oh you don't have to fight McVey." "You're punchy already." "Why?" "Just cause I like you better?" "At least you could do, is show a little consideration for me." "Sure, I know you're a sergeant and I'm only a private." "At least you could do, is be a little friendly." "All right." "I love you, I'm your friend." "What do you want me to do?" "If you never ever give me a pass again, I don't care." "Just take this song into town tonight." "You know that place where you put a quarter in the machine instead of writing home to your mother, you send your voice on a record." " Here's a quarter." " But I got a date." "So what?" "Take your date to the recording booth with you." "Might be a little warm, might be a little fun." "All right." "I'll record it." "Millie!" "I'll be seeing you." "Come in." "Oh hello." "Hello." "Is Sergeant Puccinelli in?" " Oh no, he out on a bizzwhack." " Oh that's a shame." "How'd it happen?" "Say, haven't I seen you someplace before?" "You might have seen me at the PX." "Number 10." "I used to sell beer." "But I asked to be transferred to the candy counter." "What happened?" "Did you get hungry?" " Good evening Corporal." " Oh hi." "Aren't you going to introduce us?" "Private Edwards meet a friend." "Friend, meet Private Edwards." "Your name's Millie, isn't it?" "Millie doesn't look it, but she just switched from beer to candy." "Would you like to take your break now Corporal?" "Definitely." "Glad to have met you." "Oh thank you." "If you want anything, just ring for the bellboy." "He's nice, isn't he?" " Do you think Cutie will be here tonight?" " Cutie?" "You mean Puccinelli?" "No, I don't think he can make it." "But anything you want to tell him, why you can tell me." "What's your name?" "The charge of quarters was so crazy when he introduced us all that I remember is that you're a friend of his." "U.S. That's cute." "Monogrammed blankets." "My name is Caldwell." "Private Ernie Caldwell." "I was just thinking that if you're not doing anything tomorrow night..." "Oh tomorrow night." "Hello." "Don't you know enough to knock before you come into a room?" "Gee whizz." "I was just down at the PX and I thought that Corporal Shaughnessy would like some ice-cream." "Set it on the desk." "I'll see that he gets it." "The spoon's inside." "We'll keep this between the two of us." "You don't got to worry about me." "I'm no snitcher." "Got a cigarette?" "Corporal I've got to get into town right away." "Can I have a pass?" "Are you nuts?" "You're restricted." "But the fellas forgot the music." "I've got to have a pass." "Nothing doing." "Corporal it's a matter of life and death." "Nothing doing." "Can you sing Melancholy Baby?" " No!" " That's okay, I'm glad." "I hate that Melancholy Baby." "I beg your pardon, did you see..." "I beg your pardon." "Oh never mind." "Hey Charlie." "What was that?" "I don't know Sarge." "Excuse me." "I beg your pardon." "Did you see what I saw?" "Yeah." "Here's a light." "What'll you have?" "Creme de cassis." "Creme de cassis." "Excuse me little lady." "How about a little drink?" "Please!" " Hey, can you sing Melancholy Baby?" " Bartender!" "All right Romeo." "I'm just buying a little drink for Melancholy Baby." "You've had enough Sarge." "I ain't going to stop drinking, until she starts looking good to me." "You're the first dame I ever met who didn't remind of any other dame I ever met." "Bartender, How much do I owe you?" "A half a buck." " Thank you." " Thank you!" "You've been very nice." " What were you saying?" " How about singing a little song?" "A little song for soldier?" "Would you like ah... creeve dian song?" "Or a... goblin song?" "Or possibly you'd like a... lap low bin zin zing song?" "Hmm?" "Oh I'm awfully sorry." " Will you play this please?" " Oh sure." "Thank you." "It's me Alvin." "Alvin?" "What on earth are you doing in that outfit?" "Are you nuts?" " Me nuts?" " You guys ran off and forgot the music." "What if you get caught?" "Never mind." "Get Puch in that recording booth." "We got to have those records the first thing in the morning." "He's over there." " Now as I was saying." " Yes Vic?" "Helen, you look so wonderful tonight." "Could I interest you in a slightly used kiss?" "Hey Sarge." "Now what do you guys want?" "We have to go back to camp." "We forgot the music." "Well don't bother me." "Give it to Sam at the piano." "Okay Sarge." " What's the matter Vic?" " Oh nothing." "Just one of those things." "Come on." "What is it?" " I didn't want to tell you but..." " But what?" " We're being alerted." " Alerted?" "But Vic." "Well what am I going to do when you're gone?" "Why Helen, are you going to miss me that much?" "Well, sure Vic." "This might sound a little hokey, but I wrote a song and..." "I'd like to make a record of it, just for you." "Oh Vic." "That's nice." "Would you mind stepping into the booth while I record it?" "I'd love to." "All right Corwin." "What are you doing?" "Are you going to make this your life's work?" "What do you want from me?" "Why don't you worry about what you are doing and I'll worry about what I'm doing..." "I never made this stuff before in my life." "When those guys are ready, boy I'll give it all." "Worry about what your doing, let me worry about what I'm doing," "I've never done anything like this before in my whole life." "Who are you?" "Good boy Corwin, good boy." "Now come on." "Let's go down to the little old dispensary." "What?" "The where?" "The little old dispensary." "We're going to take the little old arm, and we're going to roll up the little old sleeve... then we'll get the little old needle and give you a little old shot... and it ain't' going to hurt a little old bit." "Come on." " You sure it ain't going to hurt?" " No it won't hurt you a bit." "Come on." "Good boy, go ahead." "Believe me, when I tell you, son." "You won't even feel the little old needle." "I won't feel the little old needle?" " No, won't even hurt you a little bit?" " Won't even hurt me a little bit?" "No." " Is it a square needle?" " Round needle." "Next." "Corwin!" "Now just relax." "Roll up your sleeve." "Think of something pleasant." "You're eating ice-cream." "You're dancing with a beautiful, beautiful girl." "You're sleeping in a white dreamy bed." "I didn't get to the last part." "Now that didn't hurt a bit, did it?" "How do you feel?" "Feel good?" "Okay." "Come on, let's go." "Corwin!" "Come in." " Does this finish up your malaria shots?" " Yes Corporal." " And me too." " Here take this note into the mess sergeant." "How do you feel?" "How do you think I feel?" "What do you think I am in there?" "A pin cushion." " You said it wouldn't hurt me." " You'll live." "That's what I'm afraid of." " Good-morning Corporal." " Good-morning Captain." "As you were." "Puccinelli, I talked to Colonel Davies and he is going to put you on that overseas movement." "That's swell Captain." "Corporal Clark tell you about the army woman that was in army room yesterday?" "Yes sir." "She's having trouble locating some man in the company." "And I want you to find the man." "Yes sir." "I'll try, but it won't be easy." "She could make things nasty, if she got to the Colonel." " Will you take care of it?" " I'll do my best sir." "Good!" "As soon as you find the man, I want to see him." "Yes sir." "How do you like that?" "Now I'm in charge of domestic relations." "Even that little old alert gag I pulled on Millie just to kiss her a few times..." "You know that could develop a taste." "Douse them lights." "The Colonel is coming by." "Sgt Puccinelli, I'd like to see your copy of the master training schedule." " It's supposed to be posted on the bulletin board" " Yes sir." "Corporal Clark, show the Colonel where we posted the schedule." "What was that?" "Ah, he said it's right over here, sir." " It's here sir." " I can't see it." "It's, it's..." "I'm sure I put it here." "Well it doesn't seem to be here now." "I think it's in the other room Colonel." " What was that?" " I think it's in the other room." "Colonel." " Good morning Colonel." " Good morning Caldwell" "We can't seem to find a copy of that master training schedule." "It should be posted in every orderly room." "It's probably there sir." " No it isn't on that board." " I can't understand why it isn't up." "Here it is." "I hope it looks better than your orderly room." "Sergeant Puccinelli." "Open that door!" "I hope someday to see a copy of that master training schedule." "We found it sir." "It was posted under SOP." "Ah yes." "Well no wonder I didn't see it." "It's too dark in here." "Turn on those lights." "Here's the envelope from battalion." " So you're really going to ship me out?" " That's right." "Well "Cutie"." "I had a nice little talk last night with Millie and..." "And?" "And I'll give you the rest of the day to get my name off that list." "Don't threaten me." "Get out!" "Wait a minute." "It's a pleasure." "Here's a telegram for Corwin." "Give it to him in the mess hall." "Sergeant Puccinelli." "Colonel Davies is going to inspect the supply room." " And following that, the mess hall." " Yes sir." " Hey Miller!" " Yeah?" " The Colonel is going to inspect in a minute." " Oh no Sarge!" "Ditch this for me." " Where am I going to hide this?" " A long one for Louie." "It's all right." "We're part of the charges." "Captain, what's gotten into this company?" " Well a few things have gone wrong sir." " A few things?" "Captain I have never..." " What was that?" " Sounds like the mess hall." "Mess hall?" " Signal's over." " What's the meaning of this?" "Sergeant Puccinelli, what's going on here?" "What's that whistle?" "Is it a fire?" "What is it?" "It's a baby." "Vic look!" "It's a little baby!" "Look!" "We got it." "Look when we first married, we didn't think we'd have any, and now we got a little..." "COLONEL!" "Colonel said this is the most outrageous company he's ever seen." "And he's cancelled you off that shipping order." " You mean I can't go overseas?" " That's right." "Here it is in writing." "I'm sorry sir." "Yes sir." "How do you like that?" "Five years in this man's army." "Five years and the day before I go on shipment..." "I get caught in this filthy machinery." " What's the first class this afternoon?" " Calisthenics." "Oh fine, that's all I need." "There's got to be an easier way to make a living." "I'm afraid this little number will keep us busy for a week." " Oh good afternoon Mrs. Caldwell." " Good afternoon." "How soon will you be ready?" "Well, well, well." "All dressed up to go places, I see." "I'm afraid for once in my life, I have a surprise for you." "Really?" "It seems that without consulting you... the Colonel has given B-company officers a special problem which will undoubtedly take all night to do." "What kind of problem?" "We have to identify a number of South Pacific islands by their topography." "Sally said you wouldn't get that till tomorrow." "Then you must have done something to anger Sally, because she gave it to us today." "Well I'll tell her a thing or two..." "I might have come out without the answers." "The answers?" "Yes, I have them right here, some place." "Here you are." "Munich, Strasburg, these aren't the answers." "Oh, that's C-company." "Here's yours." "Ero, Colsoe, Tagora..." "I..." "If I thought there was another woman like Dorothy on this earth..." "I'd tell you to get married at once." "Honey, this is wonderful." "I'm certainly glad you appreciate me." "Well, I've got a few things to pick up at the PX." "And I'll be back to pick you up in exactly 20 minutes." "I'd better give this to Captain Starner in C-company." "At ease men." "That McVey." "Can you imagine that?" "He wants another good-conduct ribbon." "How does he lose so many?" "I don't know." "He gets plastered and deal them out like fraternity pins." "Hey, the Colonel is checking calisthenics." " I beg your pardon sir." " Yes, what is it?" "The Colonel is checking orderly rooms..." " Sergeant Miller on duty sir." " Where is Sergeant Puccinelli?" "With the company, taking calisthenics sir." "Shall I get him for you sir?" "No." "No, the exercise will be good for him." "Yes sir." " Miller..." " Yes sir?" "At ease." "What's the name of that Sergeant, the one with the whistle?" "Oh you mean McVey sir." "I want you to find McVey immediately." "Tell him to get this entire outfit on the obstacle course in 10 minutes." "Understand?" "Yes sir!" "Hey Corwin." "Come on let's go." "Head's down." "Alright you guys, keep it moving." "Now let's go." "I want to hear them helmets." "Keep the file on." "Keep moving." "All right, come on." "Come out fresh, keep them moving." "Hey Corwin, come out." "You're beginning to fall back." "Let's get out of there." "All right come on, keep crawling." "All right let's go." "Come on." "Stay with it." "Come on." "Wing it away." "Keep it moving." "Cross back there like a man." "Come on let's go." "You're holding it up there!" "Come on Corwin, let's go." "You're holding up the detail." "All the guys are waiting." "On this side Corwin, are you crazy?" "On this side!" "Stay here now!" "Come on, you can do it." "Corwin!" "That ain't regulation." "Taken like a bird." "Corwin!" " Yes Sarge?" " You've got to stop this clowning." "All right you guys, keep it down low." "Hey!" "Corwin!" "What happened to Corwin?" "Hey Corwin!" "Hey hey Corwin!" "This way." "Alright, let's go." "Come on." "You're holding it up." "Look alive there." "All right you guys." "Come on now, come on now." "Keep it rolling." "What are you doing up there?" "Mailing letters?" "Oh Corwin..." "Corwin?" "Hey Corwin you all right?" "Water!" "Get some water!" "Hurry up!" "Here you are Sarge." "What do I do with it?" "Let him have it." "Wait a second." "Now take it easy." "Come on." "You all right Corwin?" "Well I'm glad to see that they finally fixed that soft drink machine." "Well, I think I'll go in there and take care of that supply sergeant now." "You know, he turns the same articles in for salvage over and over again." "You'd think he was going to open up an army and navy store." "As you were." " Sergeant Miller?" " Yes Sergeant?" " Hey where's Sergeant Puccinelli?" " I don't know." "Boy he's sure in trouble again." "The Colonel's after him, the Captain's after him and Millie's after him." "I wouldn't trade places with him with 14 points." "I see that you took care of that supply situation to your satisfaction." "Yes sir!" "I don't think we'll have anymore trouble with Sergeant Miller." "I have to get on to my next plan." "Boy that was close!" "The Colonel almost had me that time." " Got a cigarette." " Yeah, sure Sarge." "Here, roll your own." "That'll be all Sergeant Miller." "What's Miller featuring today?" " 40 medium?" " Natch." "Yes sir?" "Have you made any progress finding out about that girl?" "What girl?" "The one who was in the orderly room yesterday." "Oh yes sir." "I have a hunch sir." "I want to see that man as soon as possible." "Yes sir." " Hey where's Corwin?" " He's in the rec hall rehearsing." "Rehearsing for what?" "How to become a mental case?" " Okay, come on, let's go." " Where?" " To see Captain Caldwell." " What'd I do now?" "You'll find out and I'm delivering you C.O.D. Come on." "What about the number?" " What number?" " You promised Pokey you'd do it." "Well tell him to get with it, but hurry up." "All right, go ahead, ask him." "But watch how you ask him." "In a nice way." "Use a little diplomacy." "You say:" "Pokey, will you play a song for Vic and I, we're going to dance." "Cause you and me Alvin." "We're going to be together a long, long time." "You and me, we're friends right?" "So ask Pokey." "Go ahead ask him and I'll wait too." "Cause I have nothing else to say." "Go ahead." "You say:" "Pokey, play some music for Vic and I. Go ahead." "What are you waiting for?" " Don't make..." " Alright!" "I forgot what I was going to ask him now." "Oh yeah!" "Pokey, will you play this dance song so that Vic and I can do this together?" " Sure." " Thanks a heap." " Old song and dance?" " Old song and dance?" "No, the whole band, they should play it together." "What are you waiting for?" "Look buster, I don't do it unless the Sergeant tells me." "Okay folks." "All right folks, let's quiet down now." "We'd like to present First Sergeant Victor Puccinelli and Private First Class, Alvin Corwin." "Doing their impression of two great personalities." "Well, top of the morning to you fellow." "How are you me boy?" "I just thought I'd stop over now son, and let you know that..." "I don't knock the idea of you leaving in St. Dominique's charge." "Well I kind of hate to see you leave the place too padre." "I was just wondering if I might ask a wee bit of a favor now son." "Well, go right ahead." "I would love you to sing one of me old Irish lullabies." "Just once now, before you go." "Now which little Irish lullaby you thinking about?" "The one you did that night I was so sick in bed son." "You remember that one, now don't you lad?" "Well, couldn't rightly do it for you tonight Padre, for I got to have music behind me, you know that." "But I've got a music box with me." "Won't you try now son?" " It should be a pleasure to do it for you." " Just open it wide open." "Sir, would you still like to see the man I spoke to you about?" "The one that caused all the trouble." " Definitely!" " Yes sir." "Corwin..." "Come here." "Private First Class Corwin reporting sir, as ordered." "At ease." "Corwin..." "What's your first name?" " Alvin." " Alvin?" "Yes sir." "Alvin, bringing children into the world is a solemn matter." "Solemn sir?" "I didn't think it was so solemn." "That's the trouble." "Sometimes we don't realize it until it's too late." "Now, what do you intend to do about this matter?" "Nothing sir." "Everything's been done already." "That's the wrong attitude entirely." " Aren't you ashamed?" " No sir." "I'm very proud." "Proud?" "Yes sir." "We wanted a baby, so we got a baby." " You wanted a baby?" " Yes sir." "But don't you understand?" "You can't let this baby grow up without a name." "I know." "We'll think of a name for it." "That's not what I mean." "Now Corwin, listen to me closely." "Do you have any love for this woman?" " Yes sir." "I love her very much." " Then my job should be simple." "I'm going to give you a three-day pass, so that you can go to this girl and do right by her." "Oh thank you sir." "But understand, this pass is only to give this baby a name." "Three-day pass to think of a name..." "I know sir, we'll name it after you." "That's not necessary." "But I'll tell you this:" "when the baby is born," "I'll see to it that you get an emergency furlough." " Sir but I..." " No buts about it!" " That'll be all." "Get into class A uniform." " Yes sir." "Puccinelli." "I've decided to give Corwin a three-day pass." "Pass?" "But Captain, after what he did?" "Well I have to give him a pass, so he can get married." "Get married?" "What for?" "Puccinelli." "Is this or is this not the man who is in trouble?" "Yes sir, yes sir!" "He's in trouble all right, sir." "What he means is, that the baby's already been born." " Is that right Corwin?" " Ah, yes sir." "Yes ma'am, yes sergeant." "Well, that's different." "Give me that pass." " Oh but Captain!" " We'll give you an emergency furlough." "Oh thank you." "But get this Corwin, you'd better bring back a marriage certificate." "Oh that's easy." "I got one in the barracks." "He doesn't mean his own sir." "One of the boys has one tacked up on the wall." "Corwin, you'd better get ready to go." "Yes Sergeant." "Well I'm off to battalion." "Sir, you want me to type up these furlough papers?" "No, I'll have it done at headquarters." "I want to push it right through." "Clark, don't leave me here alone." " Cutie!" " Millie, what a surprise to see you here." "Well, I've been trying so hard to see you." "Millie, come here." "Now tell me the truth." "Are you going to have..." "Yes Vic." "Where did you hear?" "Where did I hear?" "Well it's practically a coast to coast hook-up." "Look honey." "Step into the Captain's office, just for a minute." "No!" "There's too much traffic in there." "Please Millie." "Come in." "Victor Puccinelli." "I have a few questions to ask you." "Helen, listen." "And the first one has to do with Jack Edwards." "Oh if that's all that's bothering you." " Listen Cutie." " Please Millie." "Who was that girl?" "Mrs. Caldwell, the Captain's wife." "If you send Jack Edwards out of this camp, you can consider our relationship at an end." "Oh you wouldn't do that, would you honey?" "On the contrary." "I'm not sure I'm in love with either one of you, but..." "Well, I want to be fair to you both." " Now look..." " Good afternoon Sergeant." "Captain Caldwell, Miss Palmer, I'd like to have you meet her." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" "Captain, I think you are wanted down at battalion headquarters." "Can I help you?" "Lt. Davenport!" "Now wait a minute." "Don't mix me up in this." " Maybe I'd better leave." " No!" "One moment." "You've made a startling recovery, haven't you?" "I don't know what you're talking about." " Sergeant Puccinelli." " Yes sir." "Now there he is." "Corwin, come in here." "Sit down young lady." "Can you explain..." "First Class Corwin reporting as ordered sir." "Can you kindly explain why this young lady is sitting here completely recovered and you're about" "and you're about to start an emergency furlough?" "Recovered sir?" "What was wrong with her?" "Don't try to be funny." "I don't understand Captain." "I never saw that woman before last night." "You never saw her before last night?" "No!" "Then why do you think you're getting this furlough?" "Cause my wife had a baby." "Your wife had a baby." "Yes sir." "Here's a telegram I got." "Well, I think I get this now." " Do you know him?" " No, but he's cute." " Here's your furlough." "Take it and get out." " Thank you Captain." "Yes sir." " And give my love to the baby." " Yes sir, I will sir." "Thank you Captain." "Good-bye." "Now young lady..." "Where is everybody?" "Sergeant Puccinelli." "Yes sir." "Do you realize that this whole mess is still up in the air?" "Corwin wasn't the man." "He wasn't sir?" "I can't understand your attitude lately." "I guess I'll have to take care of this myself." "Get me the company roster with the physical descriptions of the men." "Yes sir." "Well, I suppose we should introduce ourselves." "I'm Helen Palmer and this is ah..." "Captain Caldwell's wife." "And, who are you?" "I'm not quite sure." "The Captain would like to see you." " You." " Me?" "Oh, but I was just in there." "Ernie Caldwell!" "What's the meaning of this?" "She was introduced to me as your wife." "Now wait a minute." "What do you mean when you said you had just been in here?" "I was just in here." "I was here last night too." "The desk was here, there was a chair there and over there..." "Now darling, this is an army matter." "It's not your affair." "Now young lady, what's the meaning of this." " Captain, I can..." " Sergeant Puccinelli." "Ernie Caldwell!" "Can't you stay outside until this is settled?" "If there's anything going on, I want to know about it." "Then let's both get outside and I'll try to explain." " I don't understand..." " But Captain." "Oh come on Millie, let's get out of here." "But I still don't understand." "Why is everybody picking on me?" "Hi ya Cutie!" "Well honey, what are you doing here?" "Well I was worried." "I came over here to ask Vic about you going on that shipment." "Oh don't worry." "Cutie will see that I don't go." "Come on, why don't you give up?" "You can't win." "Puccinelli, we have something that must be settled." "Now just a minute, sir." "For 5 years this army has been deciding things for me to do..." "But I'm in the driver's seat this time." "I don't want to be a warrant-officer." "I want to go overseas." "I want to get away from everything." "Away from all this." "You can't dodge the issue that easily." "Besides you're not a private." "That sir is something else I'm deciding." "I'm busting myself." " You can't do that." " I can't, but you can do it for me." "Watch." " Oh honey." " Ernie!" " What did you call him?" " Ernie." " Did he say he was Ernie Caldwell?" " Yes." " Then there is something..." " Ladies, please!" "Now if you'll just wait dear." "Is he the man you have been going steady with?" " Oh no, I only met him last night." " Last night?" "Oh I think this whole thing is silly." "Let's get out of here." "Now then Miss." "You must have gone out with another in this company?" "Present sir!" "So it's you Puccinelli." "Well, I'm going to give you exactly what you asked for." "You'll be reduced to private and shipped overseas." "Thank you sir." "And don't think this relieves you of your responsibilities to this woman you are married to." " Married to me?" " Now don't deny it." "Oh but he isn't." "I'm already married, to someone else." "John Slager." "Has been since a week after I broke up with Vic." "Well what have you been looking for me for?" "Because I want to tell you not to come to see me tonight, like you promised 4 months ago." "Before John and I were married." "You won't come, will you?" "Holy Toledo, no!" "I'm so glad." "My husband might not understand he's not very bright and I don't want to cause any trouble." "Oh well, goodbye and thanks so much." " Don't think that this will clear you." " We're still busting you." "Okay, so I'm busted." "For once I've beaten the army." "While all these other guys are rotting here in the states..." "I'll be on the other side and the army had nothing to do with it." "I did it all myself." " What the devil is that?" " I don't know sir." "It sounds like a special call." "Captain Caldwell." "Did you hear the news?" "All movements, transfers and furloughs have been cancelled." " Movements cancelled." " Sure." "The whole outfit is going overseas." " But darling, why didn't you?" " Sally never told me." "Ernie Caldwell." "Step into my office." "You've got a lot of explaining to do." "Let go of me." "Sarge, I just caught this man trying to sneak off the boat." "Don't bother me, I'm out of business." "Sneak off the boat nothing." "I've got a furlough." "I've got to see my baby." " Nobody's all got no furlough." " I have!" " No you ain't." " I have!" "QUIET!" " All furloughs is cancelled." " Cancelled!" "?" "That's right, the whole division is going overseas." " Overseas?" " Come on." "Let's be going." "Wait a minute." " You too." " Me too?" "That's right Private Puccinelli." "Join your buddy." "Come on." "Let's be getting on the ball." " Pick it up." " Pick what up?" "The suitcase." "Private Puccinelli." "Vic." "I'll take it." " What?" " The bag." "Nah, come on." "I'll take it."