"Can I have twenties and tens, please?" "You got a name?" "Might have." "Who's asking?" " It's me asking." " Well, who's "me"?" "No, you first." "I took the initiative." "Well, I took it back and I've got your money." "So are you asking for change or do you want to know my name?" "Gotta be the change then, really." " Lily." "My name's Lily." " See you later, Lily." "Here's the breath." "Here's the breeze." "Here's the shimmer." "And I'm Alice falling down the rabbit hole." "Are you with us'?" "Get off." "Get..." "Let me out of here." "Are you OK?" " Where am I?" " Nearly home." " Just leave me, I'll be fine." " Come on, you're alright." "Nearly there." "Every time..." "Every bloody time I get a date..." ""some bastard calls an ambulance."" "I could stay and help clean you up, Lily." "Cheers." "Not like I'm short of practice, is it?" " You sure?" " Yeah." "Safe now." "Home, sleep, safe now." "When I was a kid, I used to think I turned invisible during a fit, like Houdini." "But I can't remember what happens." "An electric storm starts in my skull and my brain just takes a detour." "The bright sparks scanned my head for the first time when I was a baby." "I had this large lump just behind my left ear." "That's where Mam chucked us down the stairs when I was two cos I wouldn't stop crying." "I wanted to be out there in the cold wet sand running with the kids and screaming my head off." "Looking for a target to hit." "Something to dig my nails and teeth info." "I drew my face and I was this giant with the children in my mouth and I was eating 'em up." "The little bastards kept on screaming." "I put it all down in my head book, to help me remember." "To keep me safe." "I hope you're feeling better." "Yeah." "Anything you need, you know, you just ask." "OK?" "Thanks, Al." "You see this?" "It's yours." "Anytime." "No need to hurry back to work." "Hello?" "Your mum passed away peacefully, love." "I can't remember her face." "How am I gonna know it's her?" "You'll remember, don't worry." "It comes to you." "♪ Roll on, babe" "♪ Don't you roll so slow" "♪ When the wheel don't turn" "♪ You don't roll no more" "♪ I dreamt last night" "♪ Ole Lola was dead" "♪ I saw the apron string" "♪ All around her head" "♪ Roll on, babe" "♪ Don't you roll so slow" "♪ When the wheel don't turn" "♪ You don't roll no more" "Fit-tastic spastic." "That's what the kids on the estate called me." "Our Mikey picked 'em off, one by one." " That's a bit fancy, innit?" " No way." "Proper nice that is." "Barbara, have you seen Sharon?" "My older brother Barry, he used to tell everyone I was adopted." "HEY" "So go on then." " What have I gotta do, Barry'?" " Who's that in the cat'?" "Al." "Like it's any of your business." "He's me boss." "And a good, good mate." "He's here to protect my interests." "We should have done more to help her, you know." "So anyway, what's up with your hand?" "Badge of honour, baby." "It's howl make a living." " What, you do tattoos?" " Do I bloody heck." "Play poker." "Live by the night." "Slick O'Connor." "Thought you might have heard of me." "Er, no." "Sorry." "Look out!" "Bloody hell, Lily!" "It's alright." "Lily." "Mikey, look." "This is the Big Dipper." "I put them there." "Seven stars." "The one with the red's a red dwarf." "Don't you like it?" "What's wrong?" "It's ace." "Love it." "Mikey." "Right, hands on buzzers." "What would you do, Lily, if you had money?" "Never thought about it." "Well, think now." "Think big, think fast." "I've worked it all out." "Intestacy rules state we apply for administration and we distribute the proceeds." "To who and what fucking proceeds?" "This lot's worth shit." "To her next of kin." "Us." "This luxury, four-bed fucking apartment with the ocean views now belongs to us." "Agent just left." "Got a mug lined up already." "Sixty bags of sand." "Even in this fucking state." "That's thirty grand each." "What about Mikey'?" "What about Mikey'?" "No one's seen him in years." "But he's got a right, too, ain't he?" "He's still family, too." "Oh, way I see it, Lil, is he made his choice." "What choice?" "Like he told you he didn't want the money?" "No, Lily, that's not what I'm saying." "But you're saying you've seen him, yeah?" "No." "No, I haven't, no." "Not in years, like I said." " Why, have you'?" " Why d'you think I'm asking?" "Ah." "OK." "I'll leave the papers with you." "Think it over." "I'm taking the fucking crab." "♪ Keep me clean" "♪ Keep me warm" "♪ Keep my sou} away from harm" "♪ Keep the night" "♪ Keep the day" "♪ Keep the in between away" " ♪ Hold that second." " Mikey!" " ♪ Hold the time" " I'll come back for you." " ♪ Hold that picture in your mind" " I love you, Mikey." " ♪ Hold the smoke." " Just fuck off, Barry!" "♪ Hold the fire" "♪ Hold all that you desire" "Mikey." "Mikey." "Mikey." "Have you gotta be back?" "Not specially." "Why?" "Our Barry must be bloody desperate for that money." "I wanna go see him." " Strike while the iron's hot." "Hmm?" " Yeah." "This better be fucking good." "Who is it?" " Oh, Lily." "It's Lily." " Alright, come up." "Poker night, baby." "Game on next door as we speak." "Shh." "Oh!" "Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on." "Come on, you bastard." "So I've looked over the paperwork and I'm signing nothing till we agree Mikey's share." "Whoa, chill out, we'll talk business when I'm done." " Well, why not now?" " Poker night, baby." "I told you, this is how a man makes a living." "We'll talk business when I'm done." "Well, how long's that gonna be?" "As long as it takes for me to beat these dozy bastards." "And I will." " Got mates in Saltbum, you know." " Yeah?" " Thought I saw you once or twice." " Shit." " You used to drink in The New Inn." " Yeah." "You used to dye your hair jet black from time to time." "Fucking hell, Barry." "I wanted to talk to you." "Course I did." "You know, you were just a kid when I left home." "I didn't know what to say." "Weren't much of a family but, fuck it," "I want you and me to get to know each other." "Now come here." "Come here, bring it in." "Bring it in." "Call." "Looks like you lads have come prepared." "Spin the fucking card." "There's a fifty." "Don't get any ideas." "Mikey went to London last I heard." " Yeah." " Mmm." "Owes me money." "Owes every fucker." "I gave him a helping hand when he came out of prison, like a big bro should." "Fucking lovely little Mikey?" "He ain't fucking lovely little Mikey no more, let me tell you that." "And the way I see it is the past, right..." "The past is best left in the past." "Leave it there." "That's my old saying." "I wanna believe in you, you know." "I hope you do." "Don't want you to be a stranger." "Eh?" "And I'm finding him, OK'?" "Mikey kept getting in fights, mainly sticking up for me." "Then he got taken away for good." "Mam washed her hands of me an' all." "Rang Social Services and then I was gone, too." "I wrote to Mikey when he was in juvey but if was like he'd disappeared off the face of the Earth." "OK." "OK, my opinion, right." "Hand to the magic maker and all that shite." "I reckon Mikey's dead." "Nah." "No fucking way." "I went looking for him once or twice meself." "Missing Persons Helpline and all that." "Nothing." "Not a word in four fucking years, and he knew where to find me." "Right." "Brace yourself." "Wow." "You said bring a pic." "Ah, Jesus." "See, Mikey was engaged to this mad bitch." "Sylvia Smith." "Fucking mind-game queen, big time." "Told Mikey she was up the duff." "Didn't work out." "He went into one." "She fucked off back to London where she came from." "Fucking Tarzan there went after her." "That's all I know." "You ever been to Vegas?" "You'd love it." "Nah." "Come with me." "Fly out tomorrow." "First fucking class all the way." "Come with." "Eh?" "Nah." "'Time and date's on the ticket." "People know you here, you know?" "You're safe." "I'm not a spazmo, for fuck's sake." "I have epilepsy is all." "Should have done this ten years ago." "Nah." "You weren't ready, love." "I'm not leaving forever, OK?" "Just till it's sorted and I find Mikey." "Just be careful, love." " Oi." "Watch it." " Sorry." "Excuse me, got any change?" " What?" " You got any change, please?" "Er, no, sorry." "Eighth ﬂoor." "♪ Lily Jane" "♪ Tall as a crane" "♪ Tie your hair with a daisy chain" "♪ Lily Jane" "♪ Little Lily Jane" "♪ Lost your head in the stars again" "♪ Lost your head in the stars again" "Hi." "I need it back, it's the only one I've got." "Uh-huh." "His wife's name's Sylvia." "Or ex-wife now, probably." "Maiden name Smith." "Our Mikey followed her down to London but I don't know where in London." "Sylvia O'Connor or Smith." "Age approximately thirties." "Yeah." "We charge in advance for the first six hours." "And I'll be in touch as soon as I have anything." "Well, what do you think are the chances, though?" "Well, neglected as a child." "Criminal record." "We don't know about his alcohol or drug habits." "You won't like what I'm gonna say but you've described someone who could well end up sleeping rough." "I picture him in a doorway, a lump of rags." "Acky black fingers and a white mastic cup." "Does he ever think about me'?" "Have any idea how much he means to me?" "Excuse me." "Erm, this is my brother." "Erm, do... do you know him?" "Excuse me." "Erm, this is my brother, he's called Mikey." "Er, do you recognise him'?" "Excuse me." "Do you recognise this guy?" "Eighth ﬂoor." "Measuring my life in pills." "Two in the morning." "Two in the afternoon." "Two in the evening." "Like full stops." "Just hope life keeps happening in between." " Excuse me." " You got any change?" "Yeah." "Oh, cheers, mate." "Er, this is Mikey." "Mikey O'Connor." "Er, do you recognise him?" "No, look, I'm sorry, I don't know him." "Good luck, mate." "Oi!" "Are you hungry?" "Yeah." "Come on, I'm getting you summat to eat." " Can we get Chinese?" " Yeah." "Look, you religious or something?" "You're doing your good deed for the day'?" "No." "Say Mikey was on the streets, how would I find him?" "Mate, are you for real?" "I don't fucking know." "What's your name?" "Lily." "My name's Lily." " Well, I'm Rachel." " Hello." "You really love him, then?" "Yeah." "He was the one good thing I had growing up." "My diamond." "OK." "Well... there's the police..." " Oh, wait a minute." " Actually, tell you what, there's, erm, there's a hostel for blokes that we could go to." "What's that called?" "Don't worry about it, I'll take you." "Come on." " What, are we going now'?" " Yes, let's go." "So where's this place?" "Oh, it's, erm, it's not far." "It's just round the corner." " So this is it?" " Yeah." "Come on." "If he's going by his real name, he's not stayed here." "If he's using a different one, the possibilities are endless." "Easy does it now." "Hey, hey." "Calm down now." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Excuse me, have you got a tab?" "I'm just in the middle of something." "Down..." "On your way, mate." "Go and fuck off." " Calm down." " I'm not pissed." "Fuck off." "Sorry, love." "I wish I could be more help." "Thanks." "Come on." "Eighth ﬂoor." "I've got your drink." "Oh, cheers, mate." "Rachel?" "Excuse me." "Got robbed of my pills this morning." "I have temporal lobe epilepsy." "Were you hurt in the robbery?" "No." "I was just foolish." "Well, have you been to the police?" " The pills are dangerous, you know." " I might after." "Just need my meds first." "Which anti-epileptics do you usually take'?" "I've written 'em down." "How many a day and what times." "How long since you last had your levels checked'?" "Can't remember." "Sorry." "And how long are you planning on being down here for, Lily?" "I'm alright with my dose, I just..." "I just want a repeat." "I'll issue a repeat for now, but if you were my patient," "I'd want your levels checked and a look at newer treatments." "I'm surprised you've been on these for so long." "Er, maybe cos they work." "Hello?" "Hello." "This is Mr Morris regarding your missing brother Mikey." "I have some addresses that might fit for a Sylvia Smith in London." " I'll send them to you now." " OK." "Best of luck." "Hiya." " Erm, does Sylvia Smith live here?" " Sorry, who'?" " Blonde hair." " No." "Sorry." "Sorry." "Waiting for the fit to come, for my spirit to rip itself out of me and send me back to that moment when I couldn't walk, but I could ﬂy." "That 'time Mam chucked me down the stairs, repeating like a stuck record over and over." "Oh, hello." "Erm, I'm looking for Sylvia Smith." "Does she live here?" "Simon." "Hiya." "I'm looking for Sylvia Smith." "I'm Mikey's sister, Lily O'Connor." "No Sylvia here." "She would have been up north like four or five years ago." "Hon, you deaf?" "What am I telling you?" "Or maybe she lived here before you'?" "Sorry, I can't help." "Our mom's died." "I need to find Mikey." "Give us five minutes." "Look, I'm not here to kick off." "Please." "Look, I just saw him the once." "He came to the house and we had a few choice words." "That was it." " Haven't you talked to your Barry'?" " Why?" "You obviously haven't, then." "The kid that answered the door..." "It's Mikey's son, innit?" "None of your business." "It's Barry you wanna be talking to, not me." "Barry'?" "You're saying Barry, yeah?" "Barry was the last one who saw Mikey." "You heard me, darling, now get lost." "Surely Mikey would have wanted to keep in touch." "He must know he's got a son." "You mess with my family and you'll wish you'd never been born." "If I knew, I'd tell you." "I really would." "I can't catch my..." "I can't catch my..." "You OK?" "Can I give you a lift back somewhere?" "Call someone?" "Eighth ﬂoor." "Mikey..." "Seep, thin as paper." "A gap like a pillow in my memory." "Hiya, this is room 5-1-5." "I was just wondering, what day is it, please?" " It's Wednesday, madam." " Fuck." "Anything else I can help you with?" "No, I..." "I just lost two days, that's all." "Chop it UP" "Chop it out of my fife." "All these outtakes." "What would they look like if you put them all together?" "Hello?" " Is that Mel?" " Yes, speaking." "Erm, I found your number in my bag." "I have epilepsy." "Sorry, but I..." "I just don't really know who you are." "Oh, is that Lily?" "Are you OK?" "Yeah, fine, thanks." "Oh, it's lust that I was worried about you." "Why?" "I was coming out of the tube on my way home from work and you were just lying there." "I wanted to cal!" "An ambulance but..." " But I kicked off?" " Yeah." "Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just what I do." "I just can't stand ambulances." "Oh, yeah, that's alright." "Actually I'd..." "I'd like to meet you then and say thanks property." "Oh, right." "Oh, erm..." "Yeah, I just don't really know that many people in London and I'm not a loon," " if that's what you're thinking." " No." "No, no, no." "Of course not, it's just, erm..." "Alright then, well, take care and thanks again, yeah." "OK, listen." "Erm, what about tonight?" "A drink tonight?" "OK, yeah." "Erm, great." "Cool." "I'll text you an address." "Yeah?" "Brilliant." " Excuse me, please." " Oh, Lily." "Lily." " You're Mel." " Yeah." " So anyway, thanks for meeting me." " Yeah, sure." "And listen, you were..." "You were fine, by the way." "Erm, so don't worry about it." "Just a bit dazed and, er, you didn't say very much." "You were sort of more muttering and, erm..." "Gosh, that sounds awful, I'm sorry." "Oh, no, that's what I do." "It's like being blah-di-blah on about something when you're pissed and you've no idea the next day." "Thrash, get up, get on with it, that's what I say." "Yep." "Erm, er, so you told me the name of a hotel." "We jumped in a cab and we went straight there." "And you kept mentioning a Mikey." "Mikey'?" " My brother." " Hmm." "Yeah, he's lost, you know, that's why I'm in London." "I found his ex, though." "Right miserable cow." "Gosh, that must be, erm, must be tough, the bruises and stuff." "What people must say." "Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you." "Honestly, I didn't mean it like that." "It's just that when I was younger" "I was covered in cuts and bruises all the time cos I beat up my little sisters" " and my big brothers beat me up..." " Just hearing her talk, the brick in my stomach turned into a ﬂower." "And you kept saying Al." "You were saying you wished I was Al." " Yeah, he's my boss." " Right." "I could just see him here." "He'd be asking where the karaoke is." " You leaving town?" " No, no, I'm just getting a new hotel." "I found out how much the other one were costing me." "OK." "Erm, where's the new hotel?" "Oh, I dunno yet." "I'm gonna have a look around." " What, now'?" " Yeah." "Lily, don't you think it's a bit late to be looking for a hotel?" "It is a bit late to be looking for a hotel." "Listen, I have a spare room at my place if you'd, erm, like to stay there." "No, you're alright but ta for the thought." "No, listen, honestly." "You're not gonna find a hotel at this time of night." " I live just round the corner." " I wouldn't wanna put you out." "You're really not." "It's no sweat." "I live round the comer." "You might as well." " OK, then, but just for tonight, then." " Yeah." " Alright." "Come on." " Sure." "Yeah, that's great." "Thanks for that." "That'll work and I'll, erm, I'll be in in about half an hour." "Twenty minutes." "Great." "Thank you." "Bye." "Sorry to rush you." "Erm, I've just gotta get..." "gotta get the, er, the train." "You ready?" " Yeah." " Cool." "Erm, are you sure you don't wanna stay another couple of days?" "Cheers, but I can't..." "You know, I don't really know how to say thanks as it is." "OK." "Well, I'm this way so..." " But we'll stay in touch, yeah?" " Yeah, I'd really like that." "Good luck." "♪ The speed's working I see it in everyone" "Mikey came to me in the night, swimming in my dreams." "♪ Like a lost idea under light bulb sun" "We were messing around like we did when we were kids." "♪ Your eyes ready for takeoff melt in your head" "♪ What a beautiful state we're in" " Boo." " Fuck me." "It's Lily." "It's loopy Lily." " Do you remember me?" " Yeah." "Well, look, no, look, look, I am..." "I'm so sorry about... about your stuff." " I'm sorry." " No, it's alright." "But, but... check this, though, yeah." "I..." "I saw him and I was like, "It can't be." "It can't."" "So, look, I'll show you." "Come on, he's around here." "Look." "What, Mikey'?" "Er, yeah, yeah." "Do I get a reward?" "Lily, can I have some money for some tamazzia, please?" "Fuck off." "Yeah, fuck off!" "Lily, hey, it's Mel." "I was just wondering how you got on." "" Lily?"" "Lily, just come here." "Yeah?" "You forgot to ask me the most important question." "What's that?" "Am I gonna spaz out and piss all over the place every so often?" "Cos the answer's yeah, I will." "Lily, erm..." "And you don't mind'?" "You honestly don't mind?" "I don't mind." "I honestly don't mind." "Spinosaurus." "Is that the best one?" "That's your favourite one, isn't it?" "Alright, baby, be good." "Alright, off you go." "Go and play with Leo." "Bye." "Sylvia, I've gotta talk to you." "I'm calling the police if you don't leave me alone." "OK, do it then." "You've been crying." "Nothing to do with you." "Sylvia, please." "OK, but I'm not talking to you in the house." "He was a beautiful boy, wasn't he?" "Mikey." " Yeah." " Seeing him in that picture." "Yeah, he was ace." "Mikey's my biggest regret." "I met him on holiday, me and my mum." "He was in a club, dancing with a ﬂippin' snake." "Really?" "I'm not saying he was perfect even then but, elm," "I loved the bones of him." "Didn't stop me from hurting him, though." " All because of that bastard." " What?" "Simon isn't Mikey's kid, he's Barry's." "It took two, I'm not making excuses, but, erm..." "We broke Mikey's heart." "How was he, Mikey, last time you saw him?" " Put your Barry in the hospital." " Shit!" "Then he pissed off." "Oh... pissed off where?" "Promise me you don't want Mikey for any bad reason." "I promise." "Steve Clarkson was his new name." "Try The Grace Inn in Balham." "But if you say I told you, I'll fucking wring your neck." "Excuse me." "Here, have a look." "You never." "Tequila, please." "Three pounds." "Steve Clarkson." "He used to work here." "You know him?" "Never heard of him." "Well, how long have you been here?" " What are you, Immigration?" " Steve Clarkson." "Just look at him." ""No" is what I said." "Enjoy your drink." "Fancy another?" " Get my own, ta." " Let me guess." "Yorkshire?" "Watch it." "Lancashire born, Lancashire bred." "Thick in arm, thick in head." " What line of work are you in?" " I ain't decided yet." "Ah, mysterious." "I like it." "What about you'?" "I am an electrical contractor." "Got four vans on the road." "Can't miss 'em." ""Dave's Electrics" down the side."" "Let me gum." "Dave." "And you're after Stevie." "What, you know him'?" "Name first." "Lily." "My name's Lily." "Yeah, I know Stevie." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Go on, then, where is he?" " You got a number?" " No." "The Stevie I'm thinking about, he had a sister called Lily." " Always talking about her." " Bollocks." "This, er, Lily had epilepsy." "Her mum threw her down the stairs when she was a baby." "Is that you?" " Hungry'?" " I might be." "Well, make your bloody mind up." "Yeah, I am." "Right." "Well, I'll drink up, then." "All I can do is talk to a friend of a friend." "Months since I've seen Stevie." "He's a good lad but he moves around." "He did some plastering for a mate." "So how well do you know him?" "Look, I'm doing my best for you." "What else can I say?" "Knight in shining armour, me." " Know what?" " What?" "There must be something wrong with my eyes cos I can't take 'em off you." "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" "Where d'you get that from?" "Your dad'?" "I wanted to ask more about Mikey but things got a little bit hazy around here." "He told me I was gorgeous." "I felt gorgeous." "Lily?" "Lily, it's OK!" "It's OK, I've got..." "I've got you." "OK..." "Please, Lily." "Lily, can you hear me?" "Lily, can you hear me?" "Good morning." "I had one, didn't I?" "Yeah." "You OK'?" "I felt completely powerless." "And I..." "I thought you were going to..." "to die on me." " I'm still here." " Oh, I know." "Thank God." " I'm still here." " Oh, I know." "Thank God." " I'm sorry." " Please don't be upset." " Do you know what I fancy'?" " What?" "You know I never have a bath, just in case I go off on one?" "You know I never have a bath, just in case I go off on one?" "If I leave the door open, can you be around, just in case?" "Yeah." "Oi course." "♪ You wanna sleep with common people" "♪ You wanna sleep with common people" "♪ You wanna sleep with common people like you" "♪ And dance and drink and screw" "♪ Because there's nothing else to do-o-o" "Lily?" "'." "Lily?" "Erm, I want us to be good friends, yeah?" "Yeah." "God, me, too." "Erm..." "Erm..." "Cos I've been a bit..." "I've been a bit solitary lately." "I was in a relationship that ended badly and it was my fault." "Pissed off a lot of people." "Erm, but I think I should tell you that it was with a woman." "Erm, but I think I should tell you that it was with a woman." "This isn't why you asked me to stay, is it?" "Because I'm not a lezzer." "When I first met you, you had blood coming out of your mouth, so, no." "No, it was not the first thing that came through my mind." "You know, my... my auntie was supposed to be a lezzer but..." "But then she had a kid so I don't suppose she could have been, right?" "But then she had a kid so I don't suppose she could have been, right?" "What, so lesbians can't have kids?" "Is that a biological fact, is it?" " No." "No, that's not what I'm saying." " Well, what are you saying?" "Well, you know..." "Just things are never what they seem, are they?" "No." "No, they're not." "Oh, Mel, will you get that for me?" "Hello?" "Is that the most beautiful girl in the world?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Hiya, Dave." " I've talked to Stevie." "Let's meet." "What, he'll be there?" "What, he'll be there?" "At The Grace Inn." "Ten-ish, yeah?" "No, but Stevie'll be there?" "Oh, what, so you're not bothered if I am?" "No." "No, that's..." "That's not what I meant." "Look, we're not talking about the most reliable bloke," " but I'm on the case, yeah?" " Thanks." " but I'm on the case, yeah?" " Thanks." "See you." "Oi." "Alright?" " Yeah." "How are you?" " How you doing?" " So, erm, Mikey?" " Who?" " I mean Steve." " Letting me in on all your secrets now." " I mean Steve." " Letting me in on all your secrets now." " Are you sure he's your brother?" " Yeah." "Just kidding." "Let's have a drink." " So Steve'll be here later, yeah?" " Yeah." "So what'll it be?" "Split a bottle of the house red but I really wouldn't recommend it." " Vodka Coke, please." " Good thinking." " Vodka Coke, please." " Good thinking." " Hey!" "Alright?" " Yeah, I'm alright." "Lil." "Lil." "Mikey." "Sorry for the run-around." "I've had a few tricks played on me lately." "Jesus." "How you doing?" "How are you?" "Yeah, I'm OK." "Mom died." "We sold her house, me and Barry." "There's money for you." " How much'?" " Nearly twenty grand." "The house was in a right state." "It's good to see you." "You, too." "Do you mind if I...?" "Sorry, I just really need to do this." "Sorry, I just really need to do this." "Don't, Lil." "You know, I-I should have come and found you sooner." "If you wanted me to, that is." "No, maybe you didn't." "Or else you would've come and found me, right?" "Look, I'm sorry it didn't work out with Sylvia." "Can't you fucking bastards leave any part of me alone?" "Can't you fucking bastards leave any part of me alone?" "I'm sorry." "Just come here, come here." "It's alright, Mikey." "Just get me the fucking money." "Where is he?" "I'll have a word." "He'll be in touch, he says." "Is he alright?" "Go on, then." "Drink up." "It's OK." "It's OK." "What's with the scars'?" "Nothing's with them." "I fell over." "Tripped on a kerbstone." "What, even the old ones?" "No, leave it, will you?" "No, leave it, will you?" "Lily?" "Lily?" "Lightness, like a wave, and I'm going, "No..."" "Lily?" "Let me stay normal here at least." "No." "Lily." "Lily, you're in an ambulance." "Alright?" "Lily." "Lily, you're in an ambulance." "Alright?" "I'll fucking sue you, you twat." "Get off me." "Lily, stop!" "Lily." "Lily, Lily!" "You're at the hospital." "Calm down, calm down." "It's OK, you're fine." "Just need to get you inside." "You coming, mate?" "Let's just get you in." "Let's just get you in." " I don't wanna go in." " It's OK." "Let's get you in the warm." "Bye, Dave." "That's great." "And how do you feel afterwards" " when you've come round?" " I get tingling." " Is that alright?" " Yeah." " Is that alright?" " Yeah." " Just have to press a little bit." " Depends, really." "They've told me the brain has no feeling." "No nerves." "It don't make sense." "This thing that causes my body so much pain... ..if can't feel pain itself." "Hmm." "Your EEG shows abnormal brainwaves in keeping with temporal lobe epilepsy from the occipital temporal region." "Right." "First I'm going to change your medication." "Right." "First I'm going to change your medication." "And then they talk and talk and talk." "We'll taper you down on the old medication and at the same time, over a period of weeks..." "It's snow;" "Falling on my brain." "We'll gradually increase your dose of the new medication." "We'll gradually increase your dose of the new medication." "I've actually made out a chart for you, in case you forget." "Forget?" "My first fucking memory is lamotrigine." "Then being confused-as as they moved me on to phenytoin." " Miss O'Connor..." " Then they reduced my Mysoline and increased my sodium valproate." "Then they stopped my Mysoline and increased my sodium valproate." "Then they stopped my Mysoline and my phenytoin and replaced it with carba-fucking-mazepine." "On and on and on and on." "I can give you years, I can give you data, I can give you exact dosage." "I don't do "forget", mate." "All I want is my old meds back." "You know when my scripts change... it messes with my head every time." "If you wanna know why I've stayed on the old meds..." "If you wanna know why I've stayed on the old meds... it's cos I know who I am." "I'm sorry, the consultant's made a full assessment." "He thinks there's a very good chance that these meds will reduce the frequency and the severity of your seizures." "Like I haven't heard this all before." "So are you gonna give me a repeat of my old meds, please?" "I'm sorry." "You've no idea how new drugs change me." "They make me feel like a ghost." "Words fall out of my mouth like vomit." "My brain, a lump of cold metal." "Nah, I'm not doing it." "Hey-hey, little sis." "I'm back, baby." "Come and meet me." "We got something for you." "Like the boots?" "You're gonna love this." "I don't want it." "I've got it engraved for you." "Take a look at least." "Why did you tell me those lies'?" "You must have known I'd find out." "That's what I just don't fucking get." "Is that why you wanted me in Vegas instead, eh?" "No, I wanted you in Vegas cos you're my sister." "Bollocks." "OK." "OK, cards-on-the-table time, eh?" "I wanted what you had with Mikey." "What Mikey had with you, alright?" "Why can't I play happy families an' all?" "I could've not told you about Sylvia, but I give you the clues." "What, so I could find out what a lying bastard you are?" "Yeah, that's about right." "Take the bracelet, eh?" "Take it." "It's just the start." "The past is the past." "Leave it there." "Wrongs on both sides, you know, I agree but... we can make this work, Lil, both of us." "All of us." "You have no fucking idea, do you'?" "No." "No, I guess I don't." " Mikey." "What you doing here?" " I'll be reasonable." "What?" "I've been thinking it over." "OK'?" "Alright." "Twenty grand, you said." "Well, just under." "There was, like, legal fees and stuff." "So where the fuck is it?" "Well I can..." "I could give you a cheque for my half." "What's this "half' shite, Lil?" "I'm here for my money."" "Where's my fucking money?" "Well, I've got half of it in trust for you and then Barry's got the rest." "Barry's got the rest." "Trust." "Fucking trust." "I'm being really fucking reasonable." "Mikey, are you alright?" "Are you in trouble'?" " Do you owe someone money or summat?" " Extremely fucking reasonable." "But there are limits." "D'you know what I'm saying?" "Why are you being an arsehole?" "You know this isn't who you are." "I wanted to help you, for fuck's sake." " And what, I'm being an arsehole?" " I didn't say that." "Oh, so you brought me here to tell me I'm a fucking arsehole?" "You invited yourself." "I was gonna text you." "You're fucking lying!" "You brought me here to tell me I'm an arsehole!" "You're fucking off with my money!" "I'm in the nick of fucking time, by the looks of things." "You want fucking arsehole, I'll show you fucking arsehole." "Arsehole!" "I'll show you fucking arsehole!" " How's that for arsehole?" " Fucking stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "No!" "You are really Mikey, aren't you'?" "I'm gonna go." "It's good to know where I fucking stand." "Mikey, that's bullshit!" "Mikey!" "I'm sorry, Mel." "Just let me know where I can buy everything and I'm gonna replace the lot, I promise." "You gave that fucking psychopath my address?" "I'll move out." "I'm just gonna get everything like it was." "Lily." "Lily, Lily, Lily." "OK, OK, come on." "It's alright." "Lightness." "Like a wave." "But it's stuck." "It's stuck in my throat." "I'm cleaning my brain out." "Turning the lights up full." "The bright sparks always said that a big fit could kill me." "I want to ﬂare, to blister, to blind." "Electricity ﬂowing through me." "I want to shed my skin and ﬂy around the club all green and blue and white lights." "And my brothers, ﬂying with me." "Lily!" "Lily, Lily!" "No, stop!" "Stop!" "Lily!" "Erm, try not to rub your arms." "They're full of stinging water." "We had to do some tests when you came in." "We found no trace of medication in your system." "What happened?" "Did you lose your tablets again?" "There's green lights out at sea." "Did you experience hallucinations?" "Bloody hope that's what they were." "We've started you properly on the new drug and it really has proved very effective." "Death's white, you know." "Not black." "You just keep resting, yes?" "Oh, and, erm, Lily..." "Why aren't you wearing your identity tag?" "Cos I'm not a fucking dog." "OK." "Mikey's share." "As promised." "Little Lily Jane." "Tall as a crane." "Yeah." "You weren't here last time I looked, or were you?" "I called him." "I'm sorry." "I just had to see what'd happen, I think." "I'm not gonna die again." "I done that." "Sorry for how I was at the ﬂat." "It's Mel you wanna apologise to." "Well, you tell her I'm sorry." "Yeah." "You were wrong about Barry." "And that's from me." "You know, all I want is for you to be free." "That's all." "I don't deserve it." "The more I've loved something in me life, the more I've broken it." "You were the one person I had to stay away from the most." "You do believe me, don't you?" "I'm not chasing after you again." "You've got my number." "If I change it, you'll know." "If you want me in your life, you find me." "I love you, Mikey." "I love you, Lil." "♪ Oh, where I come from" "♪ There ain't nobody" "♪ Nobody quite like you" "♪ Who, blessed my soul, is cold on Sunday" "♪ And always evades the truth" "♪ Whose lingo comes from God knows where" "♪ And he surely knows more than I" "♪ Who also knows how mocked I am" "♪ When you call me your kuschty rye" "♪ And I say hey, hey, honey" "♪ I hold you way up too high for me" "♪ Whoa, now come on, baby" "♪ I put you way up too high for me" "♪ Hey, hey, honey" "♪ I hold you way up too high for me" "♪ Whoa, now come on, baby" "♪ I put you way up too high for me" "♪ Whoa, sugar" "♪ I hold you way up too high for me"