"Hollywood." "Some people don't like it, because they think everything's fake, but I never had a problem with that." "I couldn't..." "I was a stuntman, and my job was to make fake look real." "Okay, Ingmar." "Right on!" "How does it look?" "Let's rock 'n' roll!" "Yeah." "Get some!" "I'm gonna show them this is how real action's done." "B camera slate!" "Back!" "Get back!" "We're about to start!" "Unfortunately, there are times when fake becomes real." "Too real." "And action!" "No!" "No!" "What are you doing?" "I'm watching Bloodstream 2." "What the Hell?" "Don't watch it." "Why do you quit." "It's a bad idea to bring my past." "Do you know what's stupid?" "To listen to the same tape in the car over and over because it is stuck." "Seeing "Black Curse 2" is a good idea, because you want to know how Tex died." "You need "closure"." "Hey!" "Don't you ever use the "C" word on me, ever again, you understand?" "Are you the dicks?" "We sure are." "Um... and you... must be Taylor Slow." "That would be correct, sir." "I'm..." "I'm sorry, this may sound crazy, but I feel like I know you, like we've met before?" "Maybe in a past life or some sort of spiritual plane." "I make porn." "That's probably where you've seen me." "Oh, right!" "Yes." "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you with your... clothes on." "So, how can we help you?" "Well, someone is stalking me, and I'd like you to find them so I can legally ask them to stop." "Consider it done." "Great." "Your competitor, uh, Jane McKinney, said it would take days." "Jane who?" "Oh, my God!" "Taylor?" "Taylor Slow?" "Taylor Slow, is that really you?" "Yeah." "Ohh!" "Oh!" "Oh..." "I thought so!" "I'm a huge fan!" "Wow, thanks." "You're so beautiful." "Can we take a picture?" "Sure." "Your selfie." "Give me phone." "Sun, can you leave us alone for a moment?" "Give me phone now!" "Your telephone?" "Oh, yeah." "We take a picture." "Okay, Dad, you know how I've always had a problem committing in relationships?" "Yeah, yeah." "Well, I think that might be changing, because I think I've found somebody that I can actually connect with, you know?" "His name's Steve, and, well, I really like hanging out with him." "Okay, so what's the problem?" "The problem is that... he just kind of seems too good to be true." "So..." "Yes?" "I..." "I want you to do, just, like, a small, like a small background check on him." "I'll see what I can dig up on him." "Thanks for coming to me with this." "Means a lot." "Yeah, and those guys at McKinney would've charged me a fortune, so..." "Ugh." "All right, thanks, Dad!" "Bye!" "McKinney?" "You talked to McKinney?" "I usually hated it when someone mentioned Jane McKinney's name, but this time it actually gave me an idea." "Oh!" "Oh, my God!" "What's that disgusting smell?" "Piss of bird." "Piss of bird?" "Do birds actually pee?" "Yes!" "In their poop." "W-Why are you spreading it over the office?" "Move!" "Move!" "No..." "Yeah, go." "It's ancient North Korean remedy to get rid of bad spirit." "You're saying there's a bad spirit in there?" "Yes!" "I was there earlier, and felt bad spirit... surging through my body... almost bringing me to fully body orgasm!" "That's when I seek remedy and look for piss of bird." "I think spirit come from past," "Ingmar's past." "Well, you know what?" "I've been forcing Ingmar to look back on his past." "Not good to mess with past." "Oh, I disagree." "Ingmar needs closure." "Oh, like a female character on Sex and the Shitty." "It's "City," not "Shitty."" "Are you sure?" "Seems shitty to me." "Okay, listen." "Ingmar wants me to go over to McKinney's office and pretend to want to work for them." "Why?" "So I can steal some codes they have that will help us triangulate and locate whoever's been stalking Ms. Slow, so... do you have any advice on how I can fool them into believing I really want to work for them?" "Ow!" "Tell McKinney Ingmar abused you." "Here and here." "No." "No, it might be work." "Oh, yeah, it's work." "Sorry." "Hey, work, what's up?" "Is he with you?" "That would be an affirmative." "I have some bad news, so maybe we should talk later." "No, now's a perfect time." "Okay." "Steve's married." "What?" "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Hold on a second, work." "Sarah, get back on the phone." "What?" "Well, I'm sorry, I lied." "Wait, what?" "Steve is not married." "You're fired." "I'm calling McKinney." "Why did you hit me in the nuts?" "I'm sorry." "Are you okay?" "No." "Will you kiss it and make it feel better?" "What?" "Actually, I would love to do that." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "No, no, no, no, no." "Sarah?" "No!" "There are much, much better ways to apologize than to give somebody oral sex." "Excuse me?" "Oh!" "Hello, Ms. Slow!" "I'm sorry, those last words were meant for my daughter." "How can I help you?" "I was just wondering if you've made any progress with my stalker." "Oh, yeah." "My associate is working on the case as we speak." "So, let me get this straight." "You want to leave Ingmar and come and play with the big dogs?" "That's right." "Then let's hear it." "Excuse me?" "Howl." "Like a big dog." "Go ahead." "Do it." "Oh." "Sounds like a neutered puppy." "Well, yeah, sure, I..." "No, fuck, I can..." "Sorry, go deeper." "I need mad dog." "Now you're howling like a big dog." "I'm quite happy with that last one." "I could see you working here." "Really?" "We could use some more female energy around the place." "Well, great." "I'd love to have a quick tour around the office." "You playing me?" "No!" "No, of course not." "The only thing I'm playing is with the big dogs." "Woof!" "How are you?" "Jane does not think I'm leaving you." "She wants a lie detection test." "I have cheated the machines hundreds of times." "Thumbtacks." "Thumbtacks?" "Put the thumbtacks in the right shoe and when they start asking questions" "Then you push your foot down." "And the extreme pain that your body signals will confuse the test." "Extreme pain?" "Exactly." "I have to go." "To establish a baseline, we'll begin by asking questions we know to be true." "What's your name?" "My name is ack!" "Axel." "Were you born in Sweden?" "Oh, yes." "Do you want to work for Jane McKinney?" "Yes." "This is a farce." "It's obvious he's trying to trick the machine by putting a thumbtack in his shoe." "No, oh, that's a lie." "Do you have a thumbtack in your shoe?" "No." "Enough." "Take the thumbtack out of your shoe." "What thumbtack?" "This thumbtack." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Aah!" "Lucky for Axel, he had the smarts to come up with a backup plan." "Get off my foot!" "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" "Luckily for Sun, she also had a backup plan." "Aah..." "Hey." "Hey, how's the background check going?" "Working on it." "I'm in his home as we speak." "Wait, what?" "You're in his house?" "Well, you wanted me to do a proper background check, right?" "Yes, meaning you would do some light surveillance and a lot of online checking to make sure he is who he says he is, not break into his house." "I want you out of there now!" "I can't." "Why not?" "Because he just got back home." "What?" "Gotta hang up." "Hi!" "You're Ingmar." "Sarah's father, right?" "Right!" "That's me." "What are you doing in my house?" "Wait, let me guess." "Your wonderful and beautiful daughter asked you to do a background check on me." "Yes, but not because she thought that there was something wrong with you." "The opposite." "She thought, yeah, you were too good to be true." "Now, let me see what I can do." "Done." "I found address." "It's a motel." "Oh, good." "Yeah." "Right." "Good teamwork." "She really said that, that I was too good to be true?" "Word for word." "That is so funny." "I felt the exact same way about Sarah." "That's why I had somebody do a background check on her." "That's how I know who you are." "No!" "Yes." "Yes." "Isn't that funny?" "That is actually very funny." "Cheers." "Oh, yes." "Hey, I'll tell you what." "You're here to see who I am, so take a look around." "Just don't go in the cellar." "I got somebody tied up in there." "You're funny!" "Wait, wait, wait." "I love it!" "Why would you film yourself laughing?" "It just felt like the right thing to do." "I mean..." "It feels like the weird thing to do." "It's just funny!" "Come on, Axel, I know, I know." "I can be rough around the edges." "I mean, but let me tell you, I'm impressed." "I mean, you put yourself through a lot of pain to get to those codes." "That's good job, kiddo." "Thank you." "Yeah." "Well, I'm really happy to hear you say that." "Sometimes I could wonder if you really appreciate everything I do." "I mean, you know," "I remember when I first met you..." "Enough." "Enough." "Enough." "This is it." "That's the right address." "Thanks to Axel, we finally found the location where Taylor's stalker was hiding out." "It was time to close the case." "We do not know who it is." "It can be a psychopath." "Be prepared." "I'm knocking on..." "Freeze" "Taylor?" "What are you doing here?" "I'm not Taylor." "You look exactly like her." "I know, and it's a huge problem." "Please, come in." "Oh, you don't have to take off your shoes." "Well, he has to." "I'm Swedish." "Please understand." "I'm not stalking Taylor." "I'm just calling her." "Okay, and what do you want to talk to her about?" "I just want to ask her to make a video with me." "A... sex video?" "No!" "Lord, no, just a normal video so I can convince the people back home in Kansas that we're not the same person." "Oh, because the people, they thing you're making sex videos?" "Yes, and it's ruining my life." "Strange men coming up to me constantly and saying disgusting things to me?" "I can't keep a job because my bosses keep firing me because they think they recognize me." "Oh, because they've been..." "You know." "Yes." "I was even kicked out of my church because my preacher, Preacher Dan, thought I was Taylor." "Yeah, because Preacher Dan has also been, uh..." "Preacher Dan?" "Watching what rhymes with corn?" "No." "Why else would he think it was you?" "Yeah." "Oh, my Lord." "Listen, uh, we'll give Taylor a call and we'll explain the situation, eh?" "I'm sure she'll have no problem making a video with you." "Really?" "Oh, thank you!" "You have no idea what this means to me!" "Would you like to pray with me to the Lord and thank Him for this great blessing?" "We can't." "We're Swedish." "Do you know what we gave her?" "I do not want to hear that." ""Closure."" "I hate to admit it, but I guess the kiddo was right." "I guess we're all looking for some closure." "Taylor's got hers, and so did the stalker, and at this point I even thought my own daughter Sarah would get some closure." "Steve, that name makes me happy." "When you talk about the sun..." "Hi, Steve." "Glad you called." "I could really use a good laugh now." "She dumped me, Ingmar." "What?" "Why?" "She said we..." "Steve, I can't understand you because you're crying like a baby." "What, uh..." "Hey, Steve, I got Sarah on the other line, so I'm gonna put you on hold." "Is that okay?" "Oh, God..." "I'll take that as a yes." "Sarah." "Dad, I broke up with Steve." "I know." "I got him on the other line." "He's crying like a baby." "Oh." "I feel terrible, but, I mean, I had to break up with him." "Why, Sarah?" "First..." "I couldn't find any dirt on him, mm?" "Secondly, for once, I actually got along with a boyfriend of yours." "Yeah, that's the reason I had to break up with him." "It kinda creeped me out how well you two got along." "It was like I was sleeping with my dad." "Okay, don't go there." "I got it." "All right?" "Well, just wanted to let you know." "Bye." "Steve, I'm back." "What did she say?" "Um, she said to me that... you're not gonna work." "I'm sorry, forget about her." "Can you do that for me?" "But I love her!" "I'll take that as a yes." "What happened?" "Nothing." "What's the smellr?" "Sun has tried to scare the spirits of the past by spraying birdpee." "Birds do not pee." "Well, in the shit." "Sun, what the hell are you doing?" "Watching movie." "Turn that off!" "No, Sun, leave it on." "You need this." "I need peace and quiet now." "Okay?" "Holy shit!" "What?" "Look." "There." "Holy shit!" "You can see someone in the reflection." "I think he's holding a video camera." "Ingmar!" "Have you noticed this?" "What?" "The man with the camera." "There." "There he is." "Look." "Yeah, you're right." "Holy shit." "He's probably just shooting, you know, the behind-the-scenes shit." "You know, there could be something on the tape he has in his camera, something really interesting." "We should try to find it." "Oh, no." "No." "That's what I should've said if I was smart." "But I didn't." "I said..." "Yes." "Did you just say "yes"?" "Yes." "First of all, I would like to thank the Swedish Dicks for putting me in contact with Taylor." "And I would like to thank Taylor Slow for making this video with me." "Thank you, Taylor." "Glad to be here." "So now all you people back home who thought I was lying, especially you, Preacher Dan, know that I wasn't." "I'm not Taylor Slow, and Taylor Slow is not me." "Right?" "That's right." "Oh!" "Sorry." "That's a bad habit." "I just..." "I've been making movies for so long that whenever I'm on camera with an attractive person" "I just can't help myself." "Good!" "More tongue!" "Preacher Dan!" "Are you coming?" "Yeah, in a minute!" "I'm just cleansing my soul!"