"Captioning made possible by comedy central" "?" "I'm going down to south park?" "?" "Gonna have myself a time?" "?" "Friendly faces everywhere?" "?" "Humble folks without temptation?" "?" "Going down to south park?" "?" "Gonna leave my woes behind?" "?" "Ample parking day or night?" "?" "People spouting "howdy neighbor"?" "?" "Headed on up to south park?" "?" "Gonna see if i can't unwind?" "?" "So come on down to south park?" "?" "And meet some friends of mine?" "Okay, you guys ready up there?" "Ready!" "Ready!" "Ready!" "On your marks, get set, go." "We win again." "That's not fair, cartman's ass is so fat" "He makes your sled go faster." "Hey, don't call me fat, token." "We want to use the sleds now, butt pirates." "Sleds are for guys." "Yeah, why don't you chicks go wash some dishes," "Or get pregnant or something." "These are the school's sleds, ass farmers, not yours." "Look, girls don't even know how to sled." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "I bet we can sled ten times better than you, donut punchers." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "We'd kick your girly asses sledding." "How about race down a real hill, then?" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "You got it." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Your best 4 sledders against our best 4 sledders." "No problem." "Then we'll see you this saturday on phil collins hill." "Phil collins hill on saturday, you got it." "See you there, and may the best woman win," "Turd burglars." "Oh, boy, we'll show them." "Yeah, us men will show those skanky hoes who's who." "Yeah, those girls don't realize" "What good sledders stan, kyle and kenny are." "Yeah, and with cartman's enormously fat ass," "The boys are sure to win." "Token, i swear to god, you call me fat one more time" "I'm going to smack you in the head with this rock." "Fat ass!" "Ooh!" "Heh... heh..." "Uh-Oh." "And what you need to understand" "Is that this is not appropriate behavior, young man... m'kay?" "Eric, don't you realize you could of seriously injured your little friend?" "I'm sorry, mom." "Don't apologize to us, apologize tohim." "I'm sorry, token." "Well, i hope you learned that" "Throwing rocks at people is bad, eric." "I sure did, mr." "Mackey, i mean, i feel really bad." "What was i thinking?" "The only thing i can do now" "Is try to go on, and live day by day." "See you later." "Not this time, eric." "You've got to learn to respect your little friends." "You're going to have detention for two weeks." "No way!" "Yes way, m'kay." "Okay, and that settles it." "Now, let's all go" "Counselor, mackey?" "Yes." "I'm agent sharp and this is agent kean." "We're with the fbi." "We're here to investigate the rock-Throwing incident." "Oh, okay, i've already taken care of it." "Eric cartman, here is going to have to be punished" "With 2 weeks of detention." "I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that, mr." "School counselor." "You see, since the victim in this case is african-American," "This is considered ahate crime." "What the hell is a hate crime?" "But, i don't think this is a..." "New laws have been passed that make any crimes based on race," "Ethnicity or sexual orientation a federal offense." "A federal offense?" "Oh, no." "Oh, no." "We're sorry, ms." "Cartman, but we must follow protocol." "Your son will be taken into custody" "And then tried in the federal court of law." "Oh, my goodness!" "The hate crime trial of the century is under way" "And court t.V. Takes you there..." "live!" "And here's your host, lesley smith." "What turns a normal, fat little eight-Year-Old boy" "Into a vicious hate crime-Committing racist?" "We take you live to the courtroom" "As the defendant takes the stand." "Mr. Cartman, do you know a boy by the name of "token"." "Ah, yes." "Who is token?" "He's a black kid that goes to my school." "Black, did you say black?" "You called him black." "Heisblack." "Oh, he said it again!" "He is african-American and so you decided to pick him out." "I did?" "The rage built and built inside your head" "Until it became too much" "Because you hate african-Americans!" "No, i hate hippies!" "I hate hippies" " And the way they're always talking about" "Protecting the earth, and then driving around" "In cars that get poor gas mileage" "And wear those stupid bracelets." "I hate them" " I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!" "Oh, poopykins." "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," "This is why we have hate crime laws." "This monster committed a crime," "Not against an individual, but against a race." "Do the democratic thing," "And send his fat little butt to prison." "Hey, don't call me fat, asshole." "The prosecution rests." "Don't forget, we still have a sledding race this saturday, pillow biters." "We know." "We know." "Dude, this horrible." "We gotta get cartman out of court so we can go practice." "Eric cartman, you have been found guilty" "Of committing a hate crime." "For this i hereby sentence you to the alamosa juvenile hall" "Until you turn 21." "No!" "I am making an example of you." "To send a message out to people everywhere," "That if you want to hurt another human being," "You better make damn sure they're the same color you are." "Court is adjourned." "Yoo-Hoo!" "Hooray!" "Bailiffs, escort this little bastard to juvenile hall." "Yes, sir." "All right, you." "Uh... where did he go?" "Kenny, kenny, you have to get me out of town..." "They're going to put me in jail for a hate crime." "You have to take me to mexico!" "Mexico?" "Mexico?" "Calm down, kenny!" "You still have that battery-Powered toy truck you got last christmas?" "Yeah." "Well, come on, i don't have much time!" "A car chase is evolving on the 285 corridor, east of south park." "Hate crime suspect, eric cartman," "Is trying to outrun federal prosecutors" "In his friend's go-Go action bronco." "Our eye in the sky, greg nimens, is there live." "Greg." "Tom, it looks like the go-Go action bronco is heading east on 285." "Police officers are right behind him," "But as with any chase," "They're keeping a safe distance" "To avoid any accidents here out on the highway." "Tom, it looks like the fugitive is going to make a bold move off an exit of 285." "He's going into a residential neighborhood, now." "This is where it could get dangerous," "As there are pedestrians about." "Damn it, kenny, can't this thing go any faster?" "Tom, the police have set a roadblock" "Right where the go-Go action bronco is heading." "This could be the final standoff." "All right, that's far enough." "Stop the go-Go action bronco, and come out with your hands up." "Just bring it to a stop and come on out." "Jesus, he's going to ram it!" "Ahh!" "Ahh!" "Crazy, son-Of-A-Bitch." "Well, it's been over 13 hours, now" "And still the car chase has not ended." "What the hell are they doing?" "The chase has now moved through most of arizona" "And nears the mexican border." "Dude, if kenny takes cartman to mexico," "How are we ever going to win the sledding race on saturday?" "Don't worry, dude," "That little truck just runs on "d" batteries." "It's going to run out of juice soon." "We're going to make it, kenny." "We're going to make it to mexico!" "Oh, goddammit!" "Hello." "Just a friendly reminder." "Cartman's going to jail" "And you've got 4 days until the race,rump rangers." "Son-Of-A-Bitch!" "Here we are- The end of the road" "Alamosa maximum-Security juvenile hall." "Prisoner 2-4-6-0-1 arriving." "Forward, prisoner." "You will wake up each morning at 0500." "Lockdown is until 0900." "At 10 we begin random searches and checks for contraband." "At 11:30 we have naptime, followed by finger painting." "Your cellmate is "romper stomper"." "Ooh... gasp!" "Romper stomper" "Who's romper stomper?" "I am!" "And i don't want no new cellmate." "You don't have a choice, stomper." "And show this new prisoner the ropes." "Oh, i will." "You bet your ass i will." "All right, guys, it looks like cartman is not going to be able" "To sled with us for about another... 13 years." "So in the meantime we need someone to race with us" "Against the girls on saturday." "Yeah, cartman's weight was what gave us speed," "So we need to find the next fattest kid besides cartman." "Come on, who's the second fattest kid in south park?" "I think clyde is the next fattest kid." "Huh?" "Yeah, okay, get over here clyde." "I'm not fat!" "Cartman's gone so now you're the fat kid." "Yeah, fat ass." "Get your fat butt on the sled." "Hey, i'm not fat you guys, i'm just kind of big-Boned." "Yeah, that's what they all say." "Okay, ready, go..." "Aw, dude, we don't even have enough weight to move." "See you saturday, poo snappers!" "Nice going, fat boy." "Well, well, well, new fish." "How about you come up with a reason" "Why wedon't break your arms." "Yeah yeah!" "Yeah!" "Uh... 'cause i'm just like you guys." "I'm one of you!" "Oh, yeah?" "The way i see it there's two kinds of kids in the world." "Kids that likeanimainiacsand kids who don't likeanimainiacs." "You're either with us or you're against us." "So which are you?" "Oh... umm, well, personally i..." "I don't likeanimainiacs?" "Neither do we." "Oh, thank you, jesus." "Oh, so we're friends now?" "No!" "There's no friends in the big house." "You came in with nobody and you leave with nobody." "We don't believe in friends." "Yeah!" "Yeyeah!" "Yeah, neither do i, friends suck." "Now, go find me some cigarettes" "And i'll tell you how to bust outta here." "Okay, we figured it out." "To add more weight to the sled" "We're going to use these bricks." "But we're going to cover them with kid's clothes" "So the girls think it's another kid." "Oh, that's a wonderful idea." "So i don't get to be on the team now?" "Shut up, fat ass." "Yeah, why don't you go eat some more pork rinds or something," "You fat." "Come on, let's give it a try." "Woo hoo!" "Whoa!" "Look out!" "Dude, bail, bail." "Arrrh!" "Ughnn!" "Ughnn!" "Oh, my god, we killed kenny." "We killed kenny?" "We killed kenny, we're bastards." "Well, that didn't work, what else can we try?" "Nothing else is going to work." "We have to face the fact that without cartman" "We're gonna lose to a bunch of girls." "Well, i sure do hate to see my gender" "Lose to a bunch of women." "This is a sad day for men everywhere." "You know something, guys," "I think we all took cartman's ass for granted." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "If only we'd realized how special our time with his gigantic ass was." "All that time we didn't understand" "What a unique and magical ass it was." "Woo hoo..." "great time, girls." "Oh, gee, it looks like you lost another sledder." "Good luck on saturday, donut punchers." "That does it, we've got no other choice." "We've got to bust cartman out of jail." "Huh?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "I saw a movie once where they baked a cake" "And put a nail file inside of it." "Sweet, let's go." "And, have you been brushing your teeth?" "Yes, mommy." "And, not dropping your soap?" "Yes, mommy." "Hey, ma." "Young man, that is the fourth time" "You have been late for our visiting time." "You are grounded." "Grounded, oh no!" "Here you go, boys, keep it short." "Hey guys." "Guys" "Hey, fat ass, how's prison?" "Well, it sucks balls, what do you think?" "Cartman, why the hell did you have to commit a hate crime?" "We're going to lose to girls because of you." "Yeah, so you gotta bust out of here." "So we made you this cake." "There's an ail-Nay ile-Fay inside of it." "A what?" "An ail-Nay ile-Fay." "What is that?" "Listen, aggot-Fay!" "An ail-Nay ile-Fay so you can eak-Bray out of ison-Pray." "Yeah, you stupid umnass-Day!" "I'd love to eat a cake, you guys," "But they don't let us take anything back to the cells from here." "They on't-Day, why the ell-Hay ot-Nay?" "It ook-Tay our-Fay hours to ake-Bay this oddamn-Gay ake-Cay" "And now we're ottally ewed-Sray!" "Yeah." "Look that's not important right now." "Did you guys bring the cigarettes?" "Well, we got some cigarettes," "But we don't think you should be smoking." "Each year over a million people die of cancer..." "Just hand over the goddamn cigarettes." "Shhh!" "Look, if you guys want me back to win the sledding race," "Then i need those cigarettes." "How are we supposed to give them to you?" "Just past them through these little drill holes here." "That's what everybody does." "But they're going to search you on your way back to your cell." "I know, that's why i have to hide them up my ass." "Shut up you guys, it's not funny." "All right here..." "Wow, i really wish i hadn't sat here and watched that." "Me too." "Okay, guys, if you'll excuse me, i must be going now." "Don't fart on your way out," "You might make little smoke signals." "Ha, ha... very funny you guys, ha, ha..." "That sucks we couldn't give him the nail file." "So, now what do we do?" "There's only one thing we can do," "We have to go see token," "And see if he'll forgive cartman for hate-Criming him." "Come on, we're running out of time." "Well, did you get the cigarettes?" "Yes, they are safely concealed in the depths of my ass." "All right, go sit on the toilet and poop 'em out." "I'll keep an eye out for the guards." "Ughnn..." "Stupid cigarettes..." "Ugnh... aghh..." "There's one." "Ugnhh..." "Ugnhh..." "Two..." "Ugnnn... c'mon!" "Phew!" "Oh, goddammit!" "Youflushedthem!" "You spend 8 years taking a crap and then flushing the toilet," "It sort of becomes a reflex." "Please, just help me bust out of here." "No way, douche." "I told you, i ain't your friend." "If you want me to help you," "You're going to have to sneak something else in for me." "Son-Of-Abitch!" "Dude, i didn't know token lived so far away." "Yeah, you know, they bus in people from different races" "To our school to promote cultural diversity." "Yeah, but isn't token the only one?" "Yeah." "Hello." "Hi, can token come out and play?" "Well, his head's still a little sore," "But you can come in if you like." "Token, you don't want to see us guys" "Lose to girls tomorrow, do you?" "No." "Well, then you've got to call the jail right now" "And tell them that you forgive cartman for being a dumb ass." "Yeah." "I'm afraid it's not that simple, boys." "It's not?" "No, you see, the only person" "That can let eric out of juvenile hall" "Is the governor." "Damn it, son-Of-A-Bitch, damn it!" "Oh... sorry." "No, i actually agree with you." "Huh?" "Yeah, i have a real problem with hate crime legislation." "In fact, i'd love to see you kids go down" "And give the governor a piece of my mind." "Well, why don't you tell the governor yourself?" "Oh, he wouldn't listen to me." "Why not?" "Because i'm black." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Sit down boys, i'm going to give you" "A little lesson about hate crime laws." "Aghh... haaa..." "Oh, thank god, oh, thank you, jesus." "Here you go, goddammit." "Cool, my very own "tic-Tac-Throw" game!" "Ooh, it smells, man." "Well, what the hell do you expect, huh?" "Now, i got your stupid game," "Tell me how to break out of here." "You're not gonna break out of here." "You're here until you're 21, douche." "But, you said" "I just wanted you to sneak stuff in for me." "What, you actually think i give a crap about you?" "I thought that" "Man, you better wise up to the way things work in the big house." "Hey guys, i gots me a new tic-Tac-Throw!" "Yeah, it's a little ripe, but it's brand new, man." "We can play it at recess." "Hey, what are you doing?" "You, you can't cry in prison, man." "They'll bust your head open." "What's the matter with you?" "I want my mom!" "Dude!" "Mommy, i want my mommy!" "Look, if it's that important to you," "I'll bust you out of here." "You will?" "Yeah..." "yeah, i will." "But, not because you're my friend," "Only because..." "Because i wanna bust out too" "And see disneyland." "Governor, the "free eric cartman now"" "Committee is here to see you." "Oh, not another committee, send them in." "This is the "free eric cartman now" committee"?" "Yeah." "Well, boys, what can i do for you?" "Okay, go ahead and start." "I don't start, you start." "Oh, yeah." "Ahem..." "hello, mr." "Governor," "And thank you for taking time to hear" "Our presentation on hate crime laws, entitled:" ""Hate crime laws, a savage hypocrisy"." "Yes, over the past few years" "Our great country has been developing new hate crime laws." "If somebody kills somebody it's a crime," "But if somebody kills somebody from a different color," "It's a hate crime." "And, we think that that is a savage hypocrisy." "Because all crimes are hate crimes." "If a man beats another man, because that man was sleeping with his wife" "Is that not a hate crime?" "If a person vandalizes a government building," "Is it not because of his hate for the government?" "The motivation for a crime shouldn't affect the sentencing." "Mayor, it is time to stop splitting people into groups." "All hate crimes laws do is support the ideas" "That blacks are different from whites." "That homosexuals need to be treated differently from non-Homos." "That we aren't the same." "But, instead we should all be treated the same." "With the same laws, and the same punishments for the same crime." "For in that way cartman could be freed from prison, and we" "Will have a chance to win the sledding race on thursday." "That is our presentation." "An idea that we call" ""Hate crime laws a savage hypocrisy."" "Hmm... that made the most sense" "Of any presentation i've heard in the last three years." "Hurry up, they're sending the dogs after us." "What's the matter?" "It's my leg, i think it's broke." "You go on ahead without me." "Okay." "Hey, you're supposed to say" ""I'm not going without you" or something." "Oh... really?" "Look, kid you go on." "You've got something to live for out there." "You've got friends." "Yeah, i never really realized that until just now." "I sure would have liked to have seen disneyland." "Here, i want you to have these." "Okay!" "No, you're supposed to say" ""I can't take these" or something, dumb ass." "Oh... i can't take these." "Take them, they'll bring you luck." "Now, go on, get out of here." "Romper?" "Yeah?" "You... well..." "I know you don't think you've ever been anybody's friend," "But well, you're a friend to me." "All right, freeze." "You'll never take us alive, we're going down together, pigs." "But, you've been pardoned by the governor." "Oh, sweet!" "Later, dudes." "Well, come on, are we racing or not?" "Just wait." "We got cartman pardoned, he'll be here any second." "He's got to show up, he's just got to." "Come on my feet are getting cold, fudge packers." "Yeah, if you're too scared to race, just say so." "Dude, i guess we just gotta try it without him." "All right, where's clyde?" "Right here." "Get on the sled, you fat piece of sh-." "For the last time, i'm not fat." "So stop calling me fat, goddammit!" "On the sled, fat ass." "Okay girls, time to show the boys what we can do." "Yeah!" "Yeah yeah!" "Okay, ready, set..." "You guys!" "It's cartman!" "Hooray!" "Hooray!" "Hooray!" "That's right, i'm back." "Oh thank you, thank you for coming back." "Thank you so much, thank you." "What the hell's wrong with clyde?" "This is your last chance." "Are we racing or not?" "All right, let's do this." "Okay, everybody ready?" "On your marks..." "I hope i can adapt to life outside the big house." "Get set, go." "Been in the inside so long," "I don't know remember how to live on the outside." "Go, fat ass!" "When a man is stripped of his freedom" "Degraded in the ways that i was..." "Go, fat ass!" "Come on we gotta catch up to them." "We got 'em girls." "Oh, no, the girls are gonna win!" "We're not gonna make it!" "Ah ha..." "Arrghh!" "Arrrh!" "Arrrh!" "Arrrh!" "Growl!" "Hooray!" "We did it." "Aww!" "Aww!" "Aww!" "We won, we won!" "Yeah, why we sure gave those skanky bitches what for!" "Hooray!" "Hooray!" "Hooray!" "It's good to have you back, cartman." "Yeah, we're never going to take your ass for granted ever again." "Yeah, and i'm never going to take my friends for granted ever again." "Let's all hear it for cartman's big fat ass." "Ughn!" "Do british people count as an ethnicity for hate crimes?" "Nah." "Nah." "Nah." "Sweet." "Hey, romper stomper, get up, you got a visitor." "Eric!" "Hey, romper stomper." "Wow, i've never had a visitor before." "Well, that's not all!" "I snuck something in for you too." "You did?" "You know how you told me" "You always wanted to see disneyland?" "Yeah..." "Hghh..." "Pirates of the caribbean." "Whoa!" "Here comes space mountain..." "Oh, yeah!" "Small world..." "aghhh..." "Splash mountain here it comes..." "Uhh..." "Oh, the monorail!" "Captioning made possible by comedy central" "Captioned by soundwriters™"