" There it is." " The oranges just to the side?" "That's lovely." "Is very small." "This is the front." "Come on, come on!" "It is too smalls." "That's the whole point, Spiro!" "Yes, but your friends, Mr Larrys." " I have no friends." " (Margo) I can see the sea!" "In Corfu, the sea can be seen everywheres." "No, no, no, no!" "It is too smalls." "Oh, It is small, Spiro." "I knows." "For all your friends, it is too smalls." "That's the whole point, Spiro!" "No friends, no Great-Aunt Hermione." "I suppose so." "Are we going to have it?" "I think it's wonderful." "There's lots of geckos and mantids, and in my room there's a bat." "(Margo screams)" "That's my room, Margo!" "You don't like bats!" "He's mostly English, dear, although he's called Mr Kralefsky, isn't he, Spiro?" "Yes." "He is very English mans." " And he lives with birds." " Oh, yes, he knows all about birds, Gerry." "I've heard that one." "They don't know the difference between a black redstart and a normal one." "Things like that, simple things." "Oh, I'm sure that Mr Kralefsky knows all about, er...red blackbirds." "He's a very nice man." "I expect he used to keep a canary or something." "Yes, canaries, everythings." "Mm." "And the bat has gone from my room." "Oh, that's nice." "Well, off you go, dear." "The sooner you start, the sooner you finish." "Yes, Master Gerrys, you must be educate." " You must." " (Sighs)" "No, no, no, no." "Come on, come on." "(Spiro) ♪ Not thin, and yet not too much meat-a" "♪ I'll woo her a while with my Argentine style" "♪ And sweep her right off of her feet-a ♪" "What's the matter?" "Why don't you sing?" "I don't know why this person can't come to the villa to educate me." "Oh, no!" "Because, if he does, you will make him play with, er...bugs and horrible animals, and you will not be learned anythings." "You must be learned everything." "And they all loves your sister, which must be stopped, for the sake of your mother, who is a saint." "♪ I am thinking of a señorita" "♪ Not thin, and yet not too much meat-a ♪" "(Frank Crumit recording) ♪ I'll woo her a while in my Argentine style" "♪ I'll carry her off of her feet-a" "♪ It was at a swell cabaretta" "♪ While wining and dining I met her... ♪" "OK." "You ring the bell, and he will come." "♪ We drank one or two, as other folks do" "♪ The night was wet but she got wetter" "♪ She told me her name was Estrella" "♪ She said, "Stick around me, young fella" "♪ "Mosquitoes, they bite, and they're awful tonight" "♪ "And you smell just like citronella"♪" "Education, Gerald." "One can not overestimate the importance of education." "Well, now, yes, let me see..." "Ah, yes, counties." "How many counties are there in England?" "Um, I don't know." "You don't know?" "Well, say them after me." "Yorkshire, Lancashire, Derbyshire," "Shropshire, Warwickshire, Oxfordshire," "Buckinghamshire, Gloucestershire." "Yorkshire, Lancashire, Derbyshire," " Shropshire." " Shropshire." " Warwickshire." " Warwickshire, Oxfordshire," "Buckinghamshire, Gloucestershire." "Ah." "Good." "(Bell tinkling)" "Oh, er..." "Excuse me, I must go and see to Mother." "And he keeps wanting to go to the lavatory." "Gerald!" "He doesn't say, "I want to go to the lavatory,"" "he says he must go and see his mother." "Well, that's very nice, dear." "But what are you learning?" "Oh, lots." "The county town of Warwickshire is Warwick." "The county town of Oxfordshire is Oxford." "The county town of Yorkshire is York." "Somerset." " Somerset?" " The county town of Somerset." "Um..." "Oh, Gerald!" "Taunton is the county town of Somerset." "Now, tell me, what is produced in Essex?" "Stainless steel?" "Stainless steel..." "Oh." "Somerset?" "Coal." " Oxfordshire?" " Coal?" "Oh." "Yorkshire." "Coal." "Yes, yes." "Some coal." "Now, arithmetic." "(Car horn)" "Spiro." "By Jove, by Jove, by Jove." "12:30 already." "The end of another scholastic day." "Well, off you go." "I have to collect some groundsel, for the birds." " (Gerry) What sort of birds?" " All kinds of birds." "He's crazy about birds." " Where does he keep them?" " He lives with them in their houses." "Oh, stuffed." "He must be crazy, collecting groundsel for stuffed birds." "Yes, he is crazy." "Only, aren't you as crazy?" "You have parrots in your house." "You have owls and horrible toadies, and he has beautiful birds." "And he is a very clever mans, and he will learned you everythings if only you will listens!" "(Larry) Not more animals!" " Look!" " (Larry) Revolting!" "(Margo) Oh, I think they're sweet!" "What are they?" "(Spiro) Gollys, Master Gerrys, what's thems?" "They are, as a matter of fact, magpies." "They'll be very simple to feed." "They're very pretty, really." " I hope they're old enough to eat, dear." " Oh, Mrs Durrells, you can't eats thems!" " (Chuckles) - (Larry) They'll steal everything." "(Leslie) I shall probably shoot them by mistake, and that'lll cause a ruction!" "(Spiro) Honest to gods!" "The things that Master Gerrys finds!" "Nothing will be safe." "Everything will vanish." " Well, that's jackdaws, isn't it?" " No, no, magpies as well." "Look." " See?" "They want the money." " Nonsense, dear!" "They're hungry." "They've got criminal tendencies." "They're thieves." "An animal that wants money, a horrible thought." "You can't have them in the house." "You'll have to put them back." "I couldn't, they'd die." "Their mother would desert them and they'd starve." "Poor little things." "I think they're very sweet." "Don't take any notice, he's lying." "He just knows how to get round you." "It wouldn't do any harm to keep them." "They'll starve." " (Larry) They won't starve!" " Best to wring their necks now, before they become a nuisance." "Right." "They'll steal from every room." "We'll have to bury all our valuables." "Unless we put an armed guard around them." "It's lunacy!" " Look at them!" "Look at them!" " Horribles little bastards!" "They're not bastards, Spiro, they're magpies." "All they want is a name." " What do you calls thems?" " Magpies, Spiro." "Little magpies." "Maggenpies?" "Maggenpies, eh... (Margo) No, magpies, Spiro." "That's what I says, maggenpies." "Oh!" "Maggenpies!" "William I, William II, Henry I, Stephen, Henry II." "William I, William II, Henry I, Stephen, Henry II." "Yes?" " Henry III?" " No." "Richard I." "Surnamed Coeur de Lion." "Why are you a fidget?" "I had a lot of loquats for breakfast, and I would like to... pay a visit to...your mother." "I beg your pardon?" "I have to!" "But, er, perhaps first I'd better see if it's convenient, erm..." "Er, tidy." "It doesn't matter." "Ours is often in a mess." "Oh, I'm sure she'll be delighted to meet you, but, please, do let me go in first." " Of course." " Just a moment." "Mother will be delighted to meet you." "Mother." "Here's Gerry, come to see you." "Aren't I a bore?" "Aren't old people bores?" "I'm flattered you asked to see me." "I thought..." "Do sit down and talk for a minute." "It's so soft!" "Silky..." "My one remaining vanity." "All that's left of my beauty." "How beautiful things fall in love with themselves, don't they?" "They feed on it, on themselves." "The more beautiful they are, the stronger they become." "That's what's happened to my hair." "It'll probably grow for ever, deep-packed in my coffin, rooted in my dust." "Mother, you mustn't talk thus." "I don't like to hear such morbid thoughts." "It's not morbid, is it, Gerry?" "Not at all morbid." "Besides, think what a wonderful shroud... (Bell tinkles)" "By Jove, by Jove, by Jove!" "Eggs." "Well, run along, run along." "Gerry and I will chat until you come back." "Don't worry about us." "That's the ticket!" "My son..." "He teaches you...well?" " Sort of." " He knows a great deal." " Yes." " Has he found your friendship?" "He does make me repeat everything." "Yes..." "Do you have an interest in birds?" "Natural things?" " Flowers?" " Oh, yes!" "Right." "You must ask him to let you meet some of his beautiful birds." " Do you think I'm old?" " Oh, yes." " Very old." " I am." "I am very old!" "They say that...when you grow old, your body slows down." "It does not." "Life slows down for you." "Extraordinary things you would never suspect happen all around you." "Flowers talk!" " Have you heard them?" " No!" "When you get to my age you will." "That is, if you retain an open mind." " What do they say?" " Ah..." "I don't know." "I'm too old to start learning another language." "Well, It can't be learnt." "It can only become known." "People say that when you grow old, you believe less and are surprised at nothing, so you are more receptive to ideas." "Nonsense!" "All the old people I know have their minds locked up like grey, scaly oysters." "You think I'm loopy, don't you?" "Babbling on about flowers talking." "Look at that rose." "Isn't he wonderful?" "He's been with me now for two weeks, fully open." "He was so sick when he first arrived." "I feared for his life." "He was put with daisies!" "Fatal!" "Absolutely fatal!" "The daisy family is so cruel, so... working-class." "All right in their own way, but rough and ready, down to earth, a spade's a spade." "And to put an aristocrat among them!" "Oh!" "It never works." "He drooped and faded so much I didn't even see him among them." "He was being harried to death by Michaelmas daisies." "And then..." "I heard the merest bleat of another voice." "A much more cultured voice." "And there I found him, crushed amongst them, fading fast." "Look at him now." "Taken from the daisies, half an aspirin, and he's thanking me by remaining beautiful for as long as he can." "Just like people." "(Door opens)" "They've hatched." "The whole clutch." "Good!" "I am so glad." "Gerry and I have been talking about the most interesting things." "At least, I thought they were interesting." "So did I. Thank you." " You must come again." " I will If I may." "Would you like to see my birds?" "I would be most interested." "Well, goodbye." "(Gerry) Goodbye." "Goodbye." "(Mother chuckles)" "When you asked to see Mother, I thought you and I might become friends." "It is important, if I'm to teach you anything, isn't it?" " Yes." " Friends." "That's the ticket!" "First, before we go and see the birds, might I go to the lavatory?" "Of course." "(Birds twittering)" "Come in." "Come in." "Here I am, my little beauties." "Here I am." "I haven't forgotten you." "Oh, no." "Here we are." "This is for you." "There." "No, no, no!" "Don't do that, not in your nice clean water." "Now, let me see..." "There we are." "Now, my little beauties, it's your turn, it's your turn." "There we are." "At first I thought they were all canaries." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "Bullfinches, goldfinches, serins, zebra finches." "All kinds." "Now, the water goes into there." "Very carefully." "That's excell..." "Excellent." "Yes." "Here you are, my dears." "Here you are, my dears." "Now, you will not be forgotten." "You will not be..." "Oh, dear." "Dear, dear." "No, no, you must do better." "Only two, my dear, only two." "One can hardly call that a clutch, with the best will in the world." "Oh, dear, dear." "Most disappointing." "Come." "There's more." "Oh, they're in fine fettle today." "It's the sunshine, you know." "Once the sun gets to the side of the house, they start to sing." "Don't you?" "Beautiful." "I've got some magpies." "Beautiful." "Beautiful." "Maggie!" "Well done." "(Squawks)" "Good boy, Maggie!" "There, in Hyde Park, with her back to a tree, was a lady." "Her skirts were torn, her legs were bitten and bloody." "With a deckchair, she was fending off a ravening bull terrier." "Her strength was ebbing." "I was the only gentleman in sight." "There was not a moment to be lost." "I bounded forward and struck the brute with my walking stick." "The stick broke." "The animal contemplated my throat." "(Sighs)" ""Aimer", the verb "to love"." "The verb "to love"?" "J'aime, tu aimes, il aime, elle aime, nous aimons, vous aimez, ils aiment, elles aiment." "And then, though he was armed with only a knife, he killed six of the ruffians, with his knife he concealed in his mosquito boot." "And thus the lady was rescued, thus." "How brave." "Only what a gentleman would do for a lady." "Yes, very brave." "(Larry) Kill those bastard magpies!" "Oh, no." "They only seem interested in Larry's room." "(Magpie squawking)" "Out you go!" "Go on, out you go!" "Out you go!" "Out you go!" "That's the last straw!" "They're naturally curious." "All members of the crow family are." " If you don't do something about it, I will..." " Anything missing?" "I don't see how you can do anything in this mess." " I think it was the maggenpies." " They made an awful mess of your papers." " They didn't know they were doing wrong." " They're only birds." "If you don't lock them up, I will tear them wing from wing!" " That isn't fair!" " Larry doesn't mean it." "Naturally he's upset." "They have made an awful mess." "Upset?" "I'm furious!" "They descended like scab-ridden critics, bespattered and tore my work into pieces, fouled it, destroyed it before it's even finished!" " They've only just started flying." " Yes." "It's disgusting, the way this family carries on about animals." " They don't understand!" " Anthropomorphic slush drooling out again." "If something isn't done about them I'll use one of Leslie's guns and deal with them!" "I'll get them and explain It to them." "You'll get them and lock them up!" "Say, "Spiro"." "Spiro!" "Spiro." "I'm glad somebody's done something about the scab-ridden vultures." "A simple cage." "Gerry has made a first-class job of it." "Tell Mother about your fight with the French wrestling champion." "What?" "Oh, no, no, no, one does not boast about such things." " All right." " To do with a lady of my acquaintance." "Oh." "How very nice." "(Gerry) As long as you show me a few tricks." "Tricks?" "Mm." "Wrestling tricks." "Oh." "Er...very well." "Now." "Oh." " Oh, very well." " How exciting!" "Yes." "Well, the secret is to get one's opponent off his balance." "It can be done...thus." "Uh, ohhh, ah!" "Ah!" "Huh!" " You see?" " Yes." "Wonderful!" " Have you got the idea?" " Yes." "That's the ticket!" "Now, you try to throw me." "Yaaaah!" "Aaaargh!" " Oh!" " Oh!" "Oh!" "God... (Kralefsky groaning)" "Oh, dear!" "I'll go and get the brandy!" "I'm so sorry." "Gerry, dear, that was very careless!" "I'm afraid he doesn't know his own strength." "Oh, no, please, please, do not blame the boy." "It was not his fault." "You see, I'm a little out of practice." "(Kralefsky) Oh, dear." "Oh, dear..."