"(THEME SONG PLAYING)" "No, no, no, don't touch that door." "Cory, we've waited three years to go through this door." "They say the senior floor is like no other, my Shawn." "Okay?" "So let us, as one, take a moment and savor." "Oh, baby!" "Oh, baby!" "This is gonna be the best year of our lives, Shawnie." "WOMAN: (OVER PA) Welcome to the senior floor and the best year of your life." "You're seniors?" "We're teachers." "We're teachers." "I have so much to learn." "(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)" "So I guess, as seniors, we can expect a pretty difficult year?" "Swedish massage, shiatsu, or should I Rolf you right here?" "Frozen frappuccinos, iced blended mochas," "and the answers to all the tests." "Enjoy." "Shawn, beverage?" "Sorry." "I was just making out with my history teacher." "Hi." "I'd love to stay and chat, but I can't." "I have an exam in Roman History." "Boys. (SNAPPING FINGERS)" "You know, Shawn, I wonder how the cafeteria food is this year." "Prime rib." "Center-cut or end-cut?" "Both." "And be quick about it, meat boy." "Wait till you see what happens to you in my fantasy." "WOMAN: (OVER PA) Seniors, you've put in a lot of hard work today." "Now it's time to graduate." "Congratulations." "Thank you." "Congratulations." "Thank you." "(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)" "Huh." "This is pretty much how I imagined it." "Yeah, yeah, me, too." "Bye." "Okay." "Shawn, I've been waiting for this my whole life." "Eric has gone to college, and the room is mine." "All mine!" "What's with all the candles?" "Oh!" "Those are for Topanga." "Those set the mood." "(SCOFFS) It kind of looks like a church in here." "You're ruining the mood." "Finally, you know, I'm no longer a guest in this room." "It's mine." "You see that picture?" "Mine." "You see that wallpaper?" "Mine." "Whose queen-size bed is this?" "Mine!" "First room to yourself, huh?" "Maybe." "It comes with the industry standard 20-year warranty." "And remember, "No means no."" "You know, Shawn, I can feel it." "We're seniors this year." "We're unstoppable, baby." "This is gonna be the best year of our lives!" "Daddy's home!" "Eric, what are you doing here?" "Oh, you didn't get rid of my bed, did you?" "(CHUCKLES)" "First day of college, and I got no place to stay." "I show up at the dorm, I say, "Excuse me." ""(MIMICS BELL DINGING) Front, please." ""Eric Matthews." "I go here." ""Where's my towel?" "Where's my room?"" "They tell me I'm not on the list." "Like there's a list!" "Eric, I gave you the forms for the housing list three months ago." "Amy, go easy on him." "Our son had a little mix-up in housing." "He's home for a visit." "Cake?" "Ooh!" "Cut it for me?" "This is not a visit." "He's back." "Why isn't Mommy happy to see me?" "I am." "It's just, sometimes, you scare me." "I mean, how are you supposed to do well in college if you can't even fill out a housing application?" "Oh!" "It's worse than that." "I checked the wrong box on another form, now they think I'm an Eskimo." "I give up." "Oh, go on." "Relax your mother." "Tell her your plans." "Well, I thought I'd hang out here till this little housing snafu works itself out." "College is hard." "So, hoops tomorrow, Daddy?" "You're on, buddy." "I'll see you on the court, man." "All right." "Bye, Mom." "I'll be looking for you!" "All right!" "How come you're not kissing me?" "Because the second our lips touch, he's coming in here." "Watch." "Look, Cory, this is your room now, and Eric knows it." "He's not just going to walk in here and take over." "Kiss." "Okay." "Hello." "Aren't you supposed to knock before you enter my room?" "Your room?" "(IN HIGH-PITCHED TONE) Your room!" "(IN DEEP VOICE) Your room!" "Hey, Topanga, be a dear and scooch over, will you?" "Great." "Ah!" "Big Daddy rocks!" "Eric!" "Big Daddy rocks!" "Big Daddy rocks!" "Topanga!" "I should go now." "Bye." "Bye, Topanga." "Bye, Eric." "Yeah!" "She didn't leave 'cause of me, did she?" "No." "She left because big Daddy rocks!" "Eric, why are you doing this to me?" "Why are you home?" "I don't know." "You know, I'm not gonna let you do this to me this time, Eric." "No way." "Tomorrow, I am dedicating my entire day to finding you a place." "A place that is not here." "Good night, sweet Cory." "You know that's coming down, right?" "Good night, Cor." "And I mean, I must have shown Eric, like, 10 places." "He doesn't like anything." "Okay, one place has a white fridge." "He wants avocado." "Then he insists on something with an ocean view, so he can relax his nerves." "An ocean view sounds nice." "We live in Philadelphia!" "Stop snapping." "I'm the girlfriend." "Say, "Kiss." Kiss." "Sorry." "It's just, I don't understand Eric." "He's got this great opportunity to be out of the house, instead he returns home to give me the business." "You know what you need?" "You need some college guy to walk down those stairs, announce that he's new in town and that he needs roommates." "If you love me, you could make that happen." "Excuse me." "New guy in town." "Going to Pennbrook." "Just got a three-bedroom apartment and looking for roommates." "I heard him talking outside, but I do love you, though." "Kiss." "No time." "Yo, new guy." "This place, does it have a view?" "Oh, yeah." "By the river." "Yay!" "Listen, you ask about the fridge, because if he sees how happy I am, he might think I'm insane." "Fridge?" "Big green one." "I think they call it avocado." "Yay!" "Yay!" "Have I got a roommate for you, baby." "(CHUCKLING)" "It's not you, is it?" "No, no, it's not me." "Take a look at this." "You have a picture of your brother in your wallet?" "Yeah." "Why?" "Oh, nothing." "I just think it's sweet." "I'm in there, too, right?" "You will be." "Nice-looking guy." "Easy on the eyes." "Could be some competition for the ladies." "Nah." "Okay, I'll meet your brother." "Yes!" "Finally, something good happens for Cory." "The world is my friend." "What are you doing here?" "No, don't ruin this for me." "Shawn, listen, whoever this guy is, whatever minor personal infraction happened between the two of you, let it go, because the world knows that this one is gonna be Eric's roommate, and the world is my friend." "How do you two know each other?" "He's my brother." "Of course he is." "He is not your brother." "Same dad, different moms." "His mom bailed on my dad years ago, found a guy with a few bucks, and I guess they've kept Jack pretty busy, 'cause we haven't heard from him." "That's not exactly the way it happened." "Whatever, Jack." "Look, Shawn, look, I think we need to talk, okay?" "You turned your back on your father, and on me!" "There." "We talked." "Come on now." "You got the ball?" "You want the ball?" "You watch the ball?" "Oh!" "Whoa!" "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "It's nice to see father and son together again, playing a spirited game of hoops, huh?" "You're not happy, are you?" "For years, now, I have watched you give advice to everybody, but never me!" "Why is that?" "Why?" "You don't ask." "Eric was supposed to be in college, but at the first little bump in the road, he comes running back home, and Alan is okay with it." "But you're not?" "It was hard enough saying goodbye to Eric." "I don't want to do it again." "Well, perhaps Alan just misses..." "Oh, that's not it." "This is it." "He's Eric's father, he's Eric's best friend." "The best friend can't bring himself to say goodbye and kick Eric out of the nest." "Thank you, George." "Oh!" "Well said." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "I have problems, too, you know." "So how was your day, boy?" "Just another day." "Anything out of the ordinary?" "Just another day." "I like this talking we're doing." "It's good." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Yeah?" "Come in." "What can I do for you?" "Well." "Look at you." "How are you?" "Well, I been okay." "This is a surprise." "I ran into Shawn today." "You told me nothing special happened today." "Yeah, I did." "Shawn, don't be like that." "We got ourselves a little family reunion cooking here, huh?" "So, how's your mama's husband?" "Your stepdaddy, how is he treating you?" "He treats me well." "You still in school?" "I graduated from high school." "I'm going to Pennbrook now." "Well, what do you know about that?" "I got me a boy in college!" "I guess your new daddy raised you up good." "Yeah." "Raised him up so good, he hasn't come to visit all this time." "What are you doing here, Jack?" "You know, maybe he needs a place to stay." "Look, Jack, I mean, this ain't much, but..." "I know you're used to better, but we could get another rollaway cot, and you could..." "Oh, it's okay." "I got an apartment by the college." "Soon as I find some roommates, the place is mine." "I asked you what you're doing here, Jack." "Did you finally get up enough guilt about Dad to pay him a little pity call?" "That's not it." "I wanted to come here." "I have a brother here." "I came here to see you, too." "(SCOFFS) Yeah, right." "You know, seeing you two brothers together like that, an idea comes over me." "I don't get a whole lot of ideas, but I'm pretty sure this is a good one." "You two boys have been given an opportunity to get to know each other." "I think you should take advantage of it." "No, Dad." "He wants a roommate," "I want you to live with him." "I'd love to have you as my roommate, man." "I mean, it's a great apartment, terrific area." "No." "Look, if you're worried about the rent," "I can make up the difference." "There it is!" "Jack is here to try and rescue me from trailer life." "No, that's not why I'm here." "Look, forget it, man." "I gotta go." "I'm sorry." "It was good to see you." "I'll call you." "You know, I just thought it would be good, Shawn, for the both of us." "Jack!" "Uh..." "Uh..." "Here, take this." "It's gonna be a cold one tonight." "Thanks." "What are you trying to do?" "Shawn, ever since you were born, I..." "I always wanted to give you something I never could, until now." "A chance at a better life." "Take it." "He means nothing to me." "He's your brother." "He's a good boy." "I think you ought to move in with him." "Maybe some of that Pennbrook stuff will rub off on you, and I'll have two boys in college." "Dad, why are you trying to kick me out?" "I might not be much of a father, but I know this is right." "So get outta here." "Scoot!" "Go on!" "I'm not going anywhere." "And you're right about one thing:" "you're not much of a father." "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "Oh, it'll be perfect." "Now, all I ask is that, when you meet Jack, you just be yourself, okay?" "And whatever you do, do not flash that big, phony, plastic, cheesy grin of yours." "No, it really turns people off." "Hey, guys!" "Jack!" "How are you?" "Love the place." "It's not an avocado fridge, but nice!" "Hey, Eric." "Yeah." "Nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you, too, Jack." "Do you smoke?" "No." "Do you smoke?" "No." "You like pets?" "Nah." "I have a hard enough time keeping track of myself." "You?" "I'm not a pet guy." "I got four kids, though." "(FORCED LAUGHTER)" "I thought it was funny." "Favorite color on three." "Go." "One, two, three." "Blue!" "One, two, three." "Blue!" "(SIGHS)" "See you later, Eric." "Yeah, nice to meet you." "All right." "I don't like him." "Eric, what are you doing to me?" "We had a deal." "You and Jack are so perfect for each other, you should be married." "I'm not ready." "Why are you trying to ruin my whole year?" "Well, guess what, I'm not gonna let you, because starting now, you do not exist." "You are invisible to me." "Please move." "Hey, hey, Daddy-o." "Play another game of "old man can't jump"?" "Oh, trash talk all you want," "I'll let my hook shot do the talking." "Alan, stay!" "(LAUGHING) No, no." "That's a dog command." "You don't give me a dog command." "Sit." "Okay, but you owe me a treat." "If we let him stay here, he will never grow up." "Well, you think I don't know that?" "What am I supposed to do?" "What kind of father throws his own son out, Cory?" "I mean, why can't I have a dad like him?" "Eric's never gonna leave, and he's fine with it." "I'm done." "(GRUNTS)" "(LAUGHING)" "Come on, box it out." "Box it out!" "Hey, you wanna play a little two-on-two, with me and Dad?" "No, I wanna play two-on-you're not here." "I don't get it." "I know you don't." "Hey." "Hey." "Daddy-o, come on." "Two-on-two." "You and me against the short guys." "Let's go." "As much as I love it when it's you and me, how long is this gonna go on?" "I don't know." "We could play to, what, 21." "Or 11." "Or 17." "That'd be weird, huh?" "I'm not talking about the game." "Maybe I should go." "No, no, no, you stay." "You're family." "ERIC:" "What's going on?" "Eric, there's nothing I enjoy more than having you here." "Me, too." "You got one week to find yourself a new place." "You're kicking me out?" "Well, I don't get this." "I thought we were friends." "We are friends, but I am also your father, and I know that this is right." "Eric..." "In every kid's life, there comes a time when he's just got to move on." "And I hate that that time has come, but I wouldn't be a good father if I didn't recognize it, and I need you to recognize it, too." "Hey!" "If I didn't think you could make it," "I wouldn't be kicking you out." "Enjoy your room." "My room?" "You heard me." "You are a good father." "I hope he understands." "He will." "Thanks." "I still can't believe you give Alan Matthews half the credit." "Except for all the flowery words, I said the same thing." "Well, he just helped me see what you said." "I know how hard this is for you, Dad." "You do?" "You're a good father." "Well, I guess..." "I guess I give the man his due then." "All right, here we go." "Hey!" "Favorite movie." "On three." "One, two, three." "Godfather." "One, two, three." "Godfather." "Part II." "Part II." "I don't get him." "Standard rental agreement for a year." "Let's make it three." "All right, sign here, here, and here." "Hey, Jack." "Hey!" "Welcome to your new home, bud." "Thanks." "It comes with hardwood floors, high ceilings..." "And a brother." "I know it's not much, boys, but it works." "All right!" "We really need this." "You know I'm not gonna say..." "Goodbye?" "Right." "Right." "I'm not saying it." "All right?" "I mean, it's very hard for me to say..." "Goodbye?" "Just give me a hug." "ERIC:" "See you, guys." "Bye." "See you." "CORY:" "Bye!" "(SIGHING)" "How you holding up, Chet?" "I did my crying in the truck." "Aw, this father thing, it's just not an easy job, is it?" "No." "But I'm learning." "Well, I did it." "I got my own place." "Yeah." "Me, too." "Listen, Cor." "I'm sorry." "You know, with getting into college and moving out, it just..." "It just seemed easier to stay." "You know, I wasn't trying to kick you out of my life." "I was trying to kick you out of my room." "Oh, thanks." "Well, I guess you got to get going." "You wanna go set that room up the way you like, huh?" "Yeah." "Yeah, lots of things to do." "All right." "Listen, Cor, actually, the, uh, landlord, he made a mistake." "He made two sets of keys, so..." "Don't be a stranger." "Mr. Feeny's sick today." "We have a substitute." "Oh!" "That's great." "No, no, no, that's bad." "Whenever Feeny's sick, he handpicks his substitutes." "They're always old, they're always mean and they always make us miss Feeny." "Hello, class." "I'm Miss Valentine." "(WHISPERING) Oh!" "It's her." "She was in our fantasy." "What fantasy?" "No fantasy." "Mr. Feeny has graded your tests from last Friday." "A "B?" Not bad." "A "D?"" "All right." "Let me take care of this." "After all, we do have some history." "She was in our fantasy." "Say, "Kiss." Kiss." "(LOUD SLAP)" "Apparently it wasn't her."