"(sighs)" "(inhales)" "(sighs)" "♪ ♪" "Whoa!" "Ow!" "(laughs)" "(coughs)" "(insects buzzing) Whoa." "Have a good weekend, fellas." "Thank you." "Oh!" "Sorry." "Wait!" "Just one-- Okay, shoot." "(man talking over loudspeaker)" "Man:" "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen." "I am here selling candy on this train not because I want to join a basketball team, but so I can stay off the streets and not sell drugs." "All right, so today I got fruit snacks, Fruit Roll-Ups, and for everybody that want to eat healthy," "I got granola bars." "What you want, sir?" "Uh, can I have a fruit snack?" "All right, that's a dollar." "Thank you." "Have a nice day." "Man:" "You, too." "(whispering) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11, 12," "13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19..." "Oh!" "Good morning!" "Uh, Ms. Farad?" "I'm Evan." "I'm your summer teaching fellow." "What?" "I'm Evan." "I'm your summer teaching fellow." "Karen." "Uh, so how can I help?" "Do you want me to look at their IEPs?" "No, this isn't a spec ed class." "Okay." "Uh... (sucks teeth)" "You can... keep track of the bathroom pass." "That's it?" "(sighs) That's it." "Um, you know, I saw the attendance sheet, I" "There's like 63 names on here, and there's only 28 desks, so I can go in another room and find more desks, if you want." "No, it's just summer school." "Most of them won't even show up." "Okay." "The administration knows." "It's fine." "It's great to meet you." "What?" "I wonder how we're supposed to find time to find an actual job." "(laughs)" "In between teaching summer school and taking these retarded grad school classes." "What are you, uh, going to teach?" "Special ed." "Really?" "That's what I'm teaching, too." "It's seems like a lot of people are teaching that." "Yeah, I think everybody is." "Yeah." "This is where they put people." "Oh." "(laughs)" "Okay." "Do you like to smoke weed?" "Yeah." "Oh, did you mean here?" "Hell, yeah." "Woman:" "I mean, it's much less about teaching the lesson and much more about teaching discipline in the first year." "Because if you don't, you'll never get to the lesson." "(laughs) Yeah, they'll-they'll rip you apart." "Great!" "Uh..." "I guess let's open this up for questions." "And seriously, gang, use this opportunity to mine the experiences of these former fellows." "All right?" "They've been in the shit, and they're here for you." "Yes?" "Plaid." "Uh, hi." "This question is for all of you." "Um, there's been kind of a lot of talk about discipline today." "Uh, I was just wondering if you guys have any examples of, uh, like positively affecting the kids." "Uh... (kids laughing) Guys, guys, guys!" "Okay, so during feudalism, the societies of Europe were divided into two groups." "Daikeen!" "Can you tell me one of those groups, please?" "Daikeen, can you please open up your textbook to the lesson and follow along?" "(laughing)" "Miss, I gotta go to the bathroom." "Oh, I'll get the bathroom pass, Tchernavia." "Tchernavia?" "Who the fuck is Tchernavia?" "I'm Keesha." "(all laughing)" "Mr. Waxman, Keesha's already gone once." "Man!" "Daikeen!" "Daikeen!" "Can you tell me one of the groups in feudal Europe, please?" "Okay, what about you?" "Can you name one of the groups in feudal Europe, Keesha?" "Uh, white people?" "(all laughing)" "Okay, laugh about it." "Laugh about it now." "Find out later when you gotta do a test and get an F on it." "Okay?" "Or a C." "(students booing)" "All right!" "You ain't gotta get loud!" "I can get louder!" "Man:" "Okay, so, third base?" "One, two... three." "Okay." "Excuse me?" "Uh, what's the purpose of this exercise?" "Well, we need to examine our own prejudices before we can work in a classroom with the victims of discrimination." "Okay, so who would, uh... who would go all the way with a person with, uh, quadriplegia?" "Keep your hands up." "One, okay." "Niggas been talking shit all day." "We gonna ball on them, man." "All right, guys, guys?" "You're gonna need to separate for this one, all right?" "(scoffs)" "I don't have a pencil." "(laughs)" "Okay, well, everybody else has a pencil." "You're supposed to bring a pencil." "I did, but this nigger took it." "Evan:" "Hey!" "Yo, this is my pencil, bitch!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Stop!" "Mister, all I'm saying is how am I supposed to do the work if I got no pencil, huh?" "Whoop." "Yo!" "This hasn't been up your ass, too, has it?" "(laughs)" "It's a magic trick, come on, man." "Well, whatever you say, James Franco." "(laughing)" "Mr. Waxman, please don't give the students pencils." "They know they need to bring their own." "(students chattering) Okay." "Boy:" "What the fuck is wrong with you, man?" "Okay, Mr. Waxman?" "Yo, watch it, man." "Tie your socks, man." "Told you." "(cell phone chirping)" "Hey, Evan." "What's up, man?" "Are you in that new place?" "Evan (on phone):" "Yeah, in Crown Heights." "But I'm actually not there yet." "I'm just on my way home." "The Guy:" "Yeah, well, you know..." "Evan:" "I will definitely be home in an hour." "Yeah, so give me like an hour, an hour and a half, okay?" "Thank you." "Thanks, man." "Hey, man." "Hey, the buzzer's broken." "I'm gonna toss down the keys." "Okay." "Ooh, watch out!" "(grunts)" "(crying)" "It's the big one!" "What?" "Say what?" "It's the big one!" "Oh, okay." "(laughing)" "Fuck, dude!" "(laughing)" "Oh, my God!" "You don't think that's what it's going to look like, do you?" "No!" "What is that?" "(chuckles) It's a bald bear, man." "(laughs)" "You don't think it's gonna look like that without its fur, and it's really upsetting, right?" "(laughing) His eyes!" "The coloring goes straight back into him." "(laughing)" "Oh, my Jesus." "Hey, I gotta go, man." "(laughs)" "Um, hey, before you go, tell me this... um, if you weren't doing this, what would you be doing?" "If I wasn't showing you this bald bear?" "(laughs) No." "Delivering weed, okay." "Um..." "Well, when I was younger," "I thought I was going to be a teacher." "My dad was a teacher." "No shit." "Yeah, and the kids really loved him a lot." "He used to wear costumes and bring props to class." "He'd make learning fun, or whatever..." "He was a fun guy." "Yeah, I think he was very gratified." "I would do that." "Or I would be a master builder at Lego." "(laughing) If they would have me." "Oh, yeah, man, I forgot... you owe me 150." "You did it again." "You did it again." "My friends!" "Genghis Kahn was the most brutal, violent and deadly leader in history!" "Mister, I gotta use the pass when Lucia get back." "Diego, I know that you don't have to, you already went." "I'm not going to tell you again." "To this day, the Mongol Empire is the largest contiguous empire in history!" "In the 13th and 14th centuries, it stretched from Taiwan all the way to Hungary!" "And though they were brutal, they would intimidate their enemies with feats of smoke and fire!" "(yells)" "What the fuck was that?" "It w-- I'm a Mongol warrior!" "More like a gay wizard." "Hey, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel!" "Lucia, let me get that." "Come on." "Hey, I said no!" "You gotta listen." "Yo, come on, Gayvid Blaine." "(all laughing)" "Okay, you know what?" "No, no, no, no." "No, no, no, no." "(students chattering)" "All right, listen." "You guys, just listen for a second." "I am not gay..." "I'm an asexual." "Girl:" "What?" "And I'm proud of that." "That's part of who I am." "And you guys have no right to make someone feel like... their sexuality, or lack of sexuality, is a disability." "Or, uh, not that even having a disability is a problem." "(laughing)" "What are you talking about?" "(laughing and chattering)" "What the fuck is "asexual"?" "We didn't need to know that." "(laughing)" "You cannot bring explosives into a school..." "I understand." "...in New York City." "And you can't bring your sexuality into the classroom." "I..." "I feel like you're not totally listening to what I'm saying, which is that, because I am an asexual, which is the absence of sex, by definition, I was not bringing any sexuality to the class." "There's no..." "You know what I'm saying?" "You know what I mean." "No explosives, no talk of sexuality, got it?" "Asex" " Asexuality." "Thank you very much, Mr. Waxman." "(bell ringing)" "Thank you." "(TV playing indistinctly)" "Ow." "So, Carlos thinks 2 Chainz, and I went to... (coughs) ...high school together now." "Ah!" "I'm sorry, man, it's a new bat." "(coughs) Here." "(bell ringing)" "Oh, fuck." "Here." "This was a bad idea." "(laughing)" "Yo, Diego, check it out, man." "Y'all know they were sucking each others dicks." "No, or not sucking each other's lack of dicks." "(jeering) Aah!" "Hey, go fuck yourselves!" "You wish you could, dickless son of a bitch." "Get the hell out of here, man." "James Franco." "(whimpers)" "(taunting continues)" "Fuck!" "(whimpering)" "Ms. Farad:" "Renaissance Period." "Humanism." "That's what made it cool, that's what made it different, okay?" "We had the upper-class, and then we had the us class." "The you and me, the lower people, the artists, the people trying to make it." "The people taking the subway every single day." "Hi." "Hi, excuse me." "I'm Mrs. Baker with the New York Coalition for Healthy Foods." "Okay." "Oh, I'm not sure if the administration told you we were coming today." "No, nobody said anything about that." "Oh, okay." "Well, I'm here to do a state-mandated course on nutrition with your class." "Perfect, awesome." "All you, lady." "Okay, let's get setup right up there." "Hi, you can call me Mrs. B." "(laughs) Or Mrs. Baker." "Either one's good." "Okay." "All right, let's all say our favorite fruit or vegetable on the count of three." "One, two, three." "Kiwis!" "(indistinct)" "(laughing)" "I think I heard another kiwis out there." "So, so before we start talking about some" ""super cool" fruits and vegetables, let's do a little icebreaker." "A little icebreaker game, right?" "Okay, great." "Uh, it's called two truths and a lie." "And it goes like this-- you're going to write down two truths about yourself." "You can get your paper and pen all ready if you want." "And you're going to write down one lie about yourself, in any order that you want." "Then we'll go around the room, and we'll each say our three things, and our classmates will have to guess which one is the lie." "(laughs)" "How well do you know your neighbor, right?" "Go ahead, go ahead." "Two truths and a lie." "(singsong) Two things are true, one thing's a lie." "(student sneezes) Mrs. B:" "Bless you." "Here you go, okay?" "Get those pens moving." "Err, that's my thinking face." "Err, my brain hurts." "(laughs)" "(Mrs. B mutters)" "Oh, wow, you're really writing some novels." "Hey, Faulkner, put your pens down, okay?" "All right, you guys ready?" "So, who's going to go first?" "Okay, uh..." "Okay, uh..." "Hey, why don't you, uh, get us started?" "You want me to?" "Yep, please." "You can go first, please." "I need to get it started." "Go ahead." "Yeah." "I miss making lots of money every week." "(student laughs)" "I'm more selfish than I thought I was." "Keesha:" "Obviously." "And I still think teaching in Brooklyn is a good idea." "The last one's a lie!" "That's right, Daikeen." "That's messed up." "I know, Keesha." "Okay, who's next?" "I'll go." "♪ ♪" "♪ ♪"