"NARRATOR:" "Previously on Nip/Tuck:" "I let him touch me." "Yes, Mr. Troy?" "For years, I let him touch me." "Your foster father?" "He's dead, and I thought that would end it." "But it didn't." "SEAN:" "Christian, you're not getting it." "We are in trouble." "Hot shit." "Rock 'n' roll." "SEAN:" "We need to cut back everywhere." "JACK:" "Congrats, doc." "She's a beauty." "Remember, Jack, spending is optimism." "[CHRISTIAN  JACK LAUGHING]" "[CASH REGISTER RINGING]" "[COIN CLATTERING]" "Your money problems are not my fault." "I bought the Maserati from you, remember?" "[BOTH MOANING]" "I'm late, what, two payments?" "Ha." "Spank it." "No, don't do that." "I'll get the money." "Who is your daddy?" "Ah." "You, baby." "You." "[BOTH MOANING]" "[BOTH PANTING]" "Oh, yeah." "Always wanted to screw the IRS." "So kind." "No one ever returns the favor." "So we're good?" "[LAUGHS]" "With your tax bill?" "Sweetheart, that was wonderful, but that was not a 457,000-dollar screw." "I am not the Treasury secretary, Dr. Troy." "I don't have the authority to make this kind of balance go away." "How did this happen, anyway?" "Look like you do pretty well for yourself." "Yeah, I usually just spend everything and then pay my taxes with my last couple paychecks." "So do that." "Well, you know, things have been kind of slow." "You made me come hard." "I can get you two weeks." " Then your case goes upstairs." " What if I can't come up with the money?" "I will get the money." "I'll start with whatever equity you have in your house then your business, IRAs, pension funds." "If that doesn't cover it, jail is always an option." "I will bend you over your desk and turn you into my sloppy bottom until I get every last cent." "Have a nice day." "[DOOR SLAMS]" "Wanted to get a head start this morning, partner." "Hope you don't mind." "No problem." "I was running late anyway." "Had a meeting this morning." "I need to talk to you about something, Seany." "It's important." "I'm all ears." "Seriously." "We both know the business has taken a bit of a turn and..." "Anyway, I let a few payments slip here and there:" "Mortgage, the car, the..." " You a little short this month?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "I can help." "What do you need?" "I wanna take out a loan against the business." "You wanna pull more equity out?" "In this climate?" " You won't ever know it's missing." " No, no." "No way." "All right?" "We're already upside down as it is." "These days, you miss one payment, they put a lien on your earnings." "It's too risky for both of us." "I don't really have an option, Sean." "[SIGHS]" "How much do you need, anyway?" " One-fifty." " Jesus." "I know." " It's just a bridge loan, though, right?" " Yes." " Till you get liquid again?" " Yeah." "All right." "I can loan it to you." "Penalty's not too steep if I dip into my IRA." "I can float you the loan, but you gotta pay me back as soon as you can." "You'd do that for me?" "Hey we're family." "Hey, Sean." "There's a guy in your office." " He says he's your brother." " What'd you say?" "LINDA:" "Brendan." " Does that sound right?" " Brother?" "I thought he was dead." "He is." "Brendan?" "Hey, Sean." "Long time." "I wasn't sure..." "I probably should've warned you." "I don't even..." "I don't know what..." "Jesus Christ, Brendan." "I said goodbye to you." "Mom did too." "We had you declared dead." " Legally dead." "We held a wake." " I'm sorry, Sean." "You know, I had a private detective looking for you for three years." "I flew around the country." "I dragged the family to Baltimore one Christmas because somebody had spotted you in a bar." "And now you just waltz in here, no warning, no phone call, looking like that?" "Didn't seem like something I wanted to share over the phone, you know?" ""Hey, Sean, long time no see." "By the way, I'm really into meth."" "I just thought it would be better just to show up and take my licks all at once, you know?" " So how are Julia and the kids?" " Living in New York." "We're divorced." "Oh." "You look good." "Handsome." "Man, I always knew you'd be successful." "Even if Dad didn't." "And what have you been doing?" "I mean, you know, other than shooting drugs and playing possum?" "I do carvings." "I make wreaths, bowls, clocks." "I even make my own candles." "They're big with tourists, you know?" "I guess we're both good with our hands." "How'd you pay for meth on that income?" "I stole sometimes." "But I'm clean now, Sean." "And I know I can stay off it this time." "I just..." "I need a little help." "I need a brother." " I didn't need one?" " There aren't a lot of people I can turn to." "Brothers don't do what you did to me." "You wouldn't have wanted to know me, Sean." "You wouldn't have wanted your kids around me." "I wanna be a brother to you." "I just..." "I need a little help." "I just don't wanna look like this anymore." "Every time I look in the mirror, all I see is somebody that I would never give a break to, you know?" "All I see is a freak and a failure." "Come on." "You know that only 10 percent of meth-heads ever kick that stuff?" "All the more reason he needs my help." "Matt kicked it." "For now." "I can't believe you're giving that loser my loan." "I mean, I wonder what he's gonna do with it." "He's talking about starting a business, a craft store." "He makes these wooden carvings." "Oh, brilliant." "The one thing that people need to survive in this economic crisis:" " A little whittling." " I'm sorry." "But my brother's situation is a little more dire than yours." "You know, I can't just fix his face and then kick him out." " Not when I spent years trying to find him." " You buying him a condo?" "I'm gonna get him an apartment in Santa Monica." "CHRISTIAN:" "Oh, Jesus." " That way, I can keep an eye on him." "And he's gonna need a decent car." "You are such a fool, you know that?" "Do you have any idea what this means to me, to get my brother back?" "Yesterday, I thought I was your brother." "Huh?" " Hey, I need you in surgery." " It's a family affair." "I don't wanna interrupt." " Where's Tweedledumb-ass?" " It's just me and my brother today, Liz." "Mmm." "It's not really recommended that a surgeon do such an extensive surgery on a family member with no assist." "You wanna go ask him to come back?" "Go easy on him, Sean." "I'm sure he feels like he's being replaced." "Christian is gonna have to take care of himself for once." "Brendan needs me." "And to get a second chance at having him back in my life is something I can't ignore." "Fifteen blade, please." "You came all the way from Sweden for this procedure?" "No, not exactly." "I like to travel with my son when his college schedule permits." "What better education is there, yes?" "And you have gained an international following, Dr. Troy." "The best in Beverly Hills." "I'm flattered, Mr. Nilsson, but don't you think your son's desire to look more like you is a little, uh, extreme?" "Yes, I do." "There, you see?" "Even the esteemed doctor thinks so." "I've tried to discourage it, but once Benny has set his mind to something..." "Since I was 3 and they adopted me, this is what I have dreamed of." "To look like my family." "Like their real son." "And you think it would make them love you more?" "No." "I know that is not possible." "But looking like him would be a sign to the outside world that I am his child." "No question." "Some people think ties of blood are stronger than ties of love." "I'm afraid there's no talking him out of it." "If you turn us down, we'll just have to go to Dr. Bravo Montenegro in Venezuela." "I may not think it is necessary, doctor my wife certainly wouldn't..." "God rest her soul." " But if it's what Benny wants..." "Creating a family resemblance through surgery is not a simple procedure and I'm afraid that the expense would be considerable." "Our money, doctor, is not the consideration." "I am not what you Americans would call a jock." "I do not play catch with him or share with him sports, things of that nature." "But if I can help him feel good about himself, that is a father's duty." "BJORN:" "Yes?" "[BEEPING]" "So it measures the abnormal electromagnetic changes in the tissue." "How does it help with pain?" "Well, once we locate the abnormal activity, the probes normalize it." "Such a simple idea." " How does it feel?" "You okay?" " Better." "LIZ:" "Okay, breathe." " That's it." " We're ready to go on the Nilsson kid." "You planning on making an appearance or what, huh?" " What's that?" " It is the electromagnetic-resonance healing device invented by my friend Ron Weinstock." "Did we buy this?" "No, he lent it to me." "It costs six figures, and I wanted to see how it worked." "I asked Liz to look into alternative pain management." "Brendan can't take opiates." "He has to protect his sobriety." "Oh." "Whatever floats your boat." "By the way, just so you know, we're coming home today." "Brendan's gonna stay with us." "I'm bringing that machine." "No." "That's where I draw the line." "He can't be alone." "The temptation to use painkillers is too high." "I am not allowing this drug addict to bunk in my house." "BRENDAN:" "He's got a point." "I've earned the bad rap." "But I swear, Christian, I'm in a different place now." "Right." " Are you serious?" " Uh-huh." "If you are, he and I will get a place and you can look for someone else to split the rent." "[SIGHS]" "[MACHINE BEEPING]" "[SIGHS]" "Just give me a sec, would you?" "You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Nilsson." "He's in very good hands." "But I understand." "I'd be nervous too." "I know he appreciates your support." "Really?" "Because I thought maybe I somehow made him feel less like my real family because he wasn't blood and that's why he's doing it." "Being related by blood doesn't make a family." "I think he knows that." "Thank you." "Hit it." "[BEEPS]" "Fifteen blade." "[GEORGE MICHAEL'S "FATHER FIGURE" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]" " Oh, look, look." " Oh." " Man." " That was stupid." "Oh." "[WHISTLE BLOWS ON TV]" "MAN [ON TV]:" "Jump ball is the call." "California's possession." " Mm." "That's the guy." " Cal Logan actually was a top recruit..." " ... for Stanford, but he tore his knee up." " Hey, you wanna join us?" "It's a great game." "Come on." "Got an extra double-double for you." " I'm taking Kimber to Nobu." "SEAN:" "Oh." "Glad to see you're saving your money." "[LAUGHS]" "Sorry." "Yeah." "I think the less time I spend here, the better." "I'm sure I'd puke watching Wally and the Beav rehash their childhood memories." "Cheers." "[SEAN SIGHING]" "I got a couple friends from my CMA meetings." " I think I'm gonna just crash with them." " No, no, no." "You are staying right here." "Just until you're back on your feet again, okay?" "This is good for us." "Don't worry about him." "CHRISTIAN:" "All right, jerk-off, where is it?" "Hmm?" "You know what I'm talking about." "Where is it?" " I don't have any clue..." " My Chronoswiss." " I don't even know what that is." " Ha, ha." "It's a 20,000-dollar watch, okay?" "It was in the self-winder this morning." "The only people who have been here are you, your brother and the maid." "As far as I remember, Carmen's is bonded, so I can't imagine that she's the cat burglar." " Seany, was it you?" " Of course not." "CHRISTIAN:" "Should I call the police?" "Did you take it?" "Sean." "I swear to you, no." "That's not who I am anymore." "Bullshit." "Once a liar, always a liar." "CHRISTIAN:" "What do you wanna do?" "SEAN:" "Put that down." "You're living in denial." "You got one week, and then you're out of here." "This is my home." "If I want my brother to stay here, he can stay as long as he wants." "Do I have to remind you that you're a paying tenant?" "Huh?" "Like I said, one week." "And I don't give a shit if you go with him." "I want my watch back by the time I get home." "[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]" "What are you two laughing at?" "Oh, Benny was just reminding me of the time we went skiing together in Gstaad." "Sounds like you guys live the life, huh?" "One of the benefits of my line of work is the travel." "What kind of work do you do, Mr. Nilsson?" "International banking." "Benny and I have traveled all over:" "Singapore, Tokyo, Buenos Aires, Cape Town." "Wow." "Let's take a look at this face of yours and hopefully get you two back on the road as soon as we can." "Tell me what you think." "It's good." "It's amazing." "I feel like I'm looking at myself at your age." "BJORN:" "Thank you, Benny." "I didn't realize how much this would mean to me." "I did it for us, Dad." "You know, if you're feeling up to it, you can check out later today." "Great." "We are only in L.A. For a few more weeks." " I really wanted to try surfing." "BJORN:" "Oh, that might be difficult, Benny." "Uh, your surgery has forced us to reschedule a number of appointments." "Well, you should try it if you can." "L.A.'s a great place to learn." "I'd love to, Dr. Troy." "I just don't see when I'll be able to get away, Benny." "[PHONE RINGING]" " Excuse me." " Of course." "Yes?" "Of course." "Saturday would be fine." "Thank you." "We'll see you then." "You know, Mr. Nilsson, I'd love to take Benny surfing." "Are you sure?" "I don't know what a lesson would cost, but I'd be happy to pay you." "[CHUCKLES]" "What I need is financial advice." "How quickly can you get me approved for an offshore loan?" "Ha, ha." "CHRISTIAN:" "Sean?" "Wasn't sure you'd be home, but I did get enough for two." "Sean." "[CHUCKLES]" "What, are you deaf?" "Huh?" "Come on, brother." " Jesus." "CHRISTIAN:" "Jesus." " You scared me." " Who the hell are you?" "[GASPS]" "Sorry." "I'm Jay." "Are you Dr. McNamara?" "No, I'm not." "What are you doing in my house?" "I'm sorry." "I didn't hear you come in." "My hearing's gone on this side." "I don't give a shit about your hearing." "How'd you get in?" "[DOOR OPENS]" "Brendan." " You a friend of his?" "Is that what this is?" "BRENDAN:" "Christian, is Sean with you?" "What makes you think it's okay to bring one of your charity cases here?" " Sean knew, okay?" " I don't give a shit if Sean knew." " And Jay is a close friend of mine." " What, are you his sponsor?" " That's got nothing to do with it." " Guys." "I can put my patch back on if that's what's troubling you guys." " Can you just give us a minute, please?" "Look, I don't care if you're mean to me but you don't have to talk that way to my friends." "Now, you listen to me." "Sean and I share this house." "And I'm not okay with you bringing your crack-addict buddies in here when I'm not here." "Oh, get over it, will you?" "Okay?" "I didn't take your stupid watch." "I don't need drug money." "I'm clean." "You know, I've never understood why Sean got into business with you in the first place." "You don't have half of his talent." " Not even an ounce of his compassion." " Sean needs me so that I can protect him from being taken advantage of by losers like you all the time." "[LAUGHS]" "You're laughing because it's true." "No, no, no." "I'm laughing because Sean is gonna fix Jay's face tomorrow for free." " Bullshit." " Oh, yeah." "Jay kicked his coke habit five years ago." "But the abuse ate his sinuses away." "He could never afford to get it fixed." " Sean jumped at the chance to help him." " Wow." "You're really gonna suck everything out of him before you disappear again, huh?" "No." "I'm not going anywhere." "You see, Sean is my family." "See, what you guys have is a partnership." "It's business." "When that's over..." "And it will be over someday." " You'll be gone, and I will never have to look at you again." "Why wait?" "Let's take care of that right now, shall we?" " Get your hands off of me, you asshole!" " Get the hell out of my house." " Take the freak with you." "BRENDAN:" "All right, let's go." "[MACHINE BEEPING]" "[WHIRRING]" "Let's do a 3-0 Vicryl." "If I lived here, I would surf every day." "Yeah, the waves are pretty nice." "Here." "You did good out there, kid." "Got a real feel for it." "Huh?" "You wanna get dressed, just use the bathroom back there." "[SIGHS]" "Thank you, Dr. Troy." "Christian." "This was one of the best days." "Good, good." "But, Benny, you're dripping all over the travertine floor, huh?" "Why don't you go dry yourself off?" "I'm making us a Siberian Surf." "It's great." "You're gonna love it." "It's got hot coffee, Kahlúa, Irish Cream, a little Stoli." "You want some cream on top?" "Benny." "Benny, you want some cream on top?" "[BENNY CRYING]" "Or you can just have it plain." "[BENNY SIGHS]" " I'm sorry." " Oh, it's..." "It's just..." "I guess this is what it feels like to be a normal father and son." "Just because your dad's not into sports and he's not the physical type doesn't mean what you guys share isn't normal." "My father is very much the physical type." "Just not with you?" "The circles he travels in the people they are all very rich and very bored." "He finds it necessary to keep them entertained for business purposes." "So he arranges these parties." "Very exclusive and very lucrative." "[CHATTERING]" "CHRISTIAN:" "It sounds like you've been exposed to a lot of culture." "BENNY: "Exposed." Yes, I have, as you say, been exposed." "[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]" "That's why I got the surgery." "I needed to look more like his real son." "Some clients doubted we were related." "If we look alike, we'll make more money." "Now, you listen to me, Benny." "Real family doesn't own you." "They don't abuse you." "They take care of you." "That's what they do." "[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]" " Sean, I think we have a problem." " What now, locusts?" "Your brother." "He's in recovery with Harvey No-Face." " What the hell is going on in here?" " I told him not to." " He's gonna screw up his face again." " Not to what?" "Okay, relax, guy." "Look, there's nothing to see here." "I'm a doctor." "You think I don't know what cocaine smells like?" "Where is it, huh?" "What'd you do with it, huh?" "This is how you treat the new nose I spent six hours building for free you piece-of-shit junkie?" "Brendan brought it in, okay?" "So if you wanna be pissed at someone, it's him." "Look, I'm in too much pain here to control my urges." "That is crap." "He must've snuck it in with his stuff." "I'm clean, Sean, I swear." "Why are you doing this to me?" "I helped you out." "I don't care how it got in here." "I want it out." "With you." "Dude, where am I supposed to go?" "Try the emergency room." "They have to take care of you there." "Jesus." "How many people have to tell me I'm wrong about you?" " I didn't give him the coke, Sean." " Christian's watch." "Cocaine in my recovery suite." "Is it just a coincidence this all starts happening after you show up?" "I'm gonna be home at 7." "I want you out of my house by 6." "With nothing but the shit you came with." "Dr. Troy." "I have bad news." "I've spoken with my overseas representatives." "It turns out we're not as liquid as I thought." "They won't be able to help you with your loan." "But on a happier note, your work on Benny is just so amazing." "We truly look like father and son now." "Not anymore." "[BJORN GRUNTS]" "[WHIMPERING]" "Now, you listen to me, you son of a bitch." "What you're doing to your son is illegal in this country, do you understand?" " You understand me?" " Yes." "Now, about the loan, I've decided to make it personal, okay?" "I want $400,000 cash by Friday." " That's a lot of money, doctor..." " By Friday, you asshole!" "I keep your secret, and you stay out of jail and away from all those perverts who would love to do to you what you're doing to your son!" "Four hundred thousand." "I can manage that." "Just as soon as Benny can travel, we will be on the plane and you will never see us again." " You are going alone, okay?" "Your father-son freak show is now a solo act, you..." "[CHRISTIAN PANTING]" "What are you doing here?" "Waiting for you." "I wanted to give you this." " You made this?" " I wanted to tell you I'm really sorry about what happened with Jay." "I think we both got screwed trying to do a favor for someone we cared about." "Anyway, I need to grab my shit." "I got a line on some work back East, so I bought a plane ticket." "It's probably best if I go now anyways." "CHRISTIAN:" "Oh, perfect." "He just walked in." " Brendan, how tall are you, 6'1", 6'2"?" " Why?" "Let's say 6'1", dark hair, medium build, looks like a loser." "I'll tell you what, send somebody out here now." "See for yourself." " Who is that?" " Yeah, sure, I'll hold." "Yeah, I come home, and my diamond cuff links are missing." "The only person here was your brother, so I'm pressing charges." " You're what?" " Pressing charges." "I set you up." "I left them out so that you could see them, all right?" "We'll work things out once the cops get here, dust for prints..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm here." "Yep." "Mm-hm." " Address?" "Yeah, the address..." " I never saw your cuff links, Christian." "I haven't been home all day, remember?" "I'm sure." "You were out getting high and selling my stuff." "I am sick of you trying to make me into a criminal!" "You're out of control!" "I'm done with this asshole accusing me of stealing!" "Well, who are you gonna blame for your problems this time?" "Sean?" "SEAN:" "Hey." "[CHRISTIAN SNICKERS]" "I mean, seriously, what is your problem, man?" "Huh?" "If you didn't do anything, why would you be so angry?" "Huh?" " You're hiding something." "What is it?" " Are you gonna say anything?" "How much did that plane ticket cost that you just bought?" " You did tell me that you were broke." " Are you serious?" "I used a credit card, Sean." "You don't believe me." "I don't believe this shit." "I am out of here." " Screw you both." "CHRISTIAN:" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Let's take a look at the bag first." " Can you show me?" " No." " Why not?" " You don't trust me?" "Whoa, fellas." "[BOTH GRUNTING]" "All right." "[PANTS]" " Are they in there?" " Pbbt." "I guess he could've sold them already." "You guys deserve each other." "[SIGHS]" "CHRISTIAN:" "You okay?" "Did my father give you the money you asked for?" "It was wired to my account." "He can afford it." "We could clear 100,000 at one of those parties, you know?" "You shouldn't have to look at his face anymore." "You know I can change you back to the way you were before free of charge." "I'm not sure I can go through another operation." "And I can't afford to stay in that hotel much longer." "I only have a few hundred dollars." "Don't worry about that." "Here." "You deserve it." "Should buy you time to figure things out while staying as far away from your father as you can, you know?" "Go to school, get a job." "I don't expect you to understand but in spite of everything I still believe he loves me." "Let me tell you something, Benny." "Whatever your father feels for you, it's got nothing to do with love." "The sooner you understand that, the sooner you can go out and make your own family and find out what real love is." "[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]" "[BELL RINGS]" "Those the ones you soak in cognac?" "What's the occasion?" "Brendan's gone." "Christian." "I am truly sorry for all this." "[SIGHS]" "Hey, Sammy, how much you want for this lighter?" "Goes for 225 on eBay." "You can have it for 140." "So, what will you give me for these, my friend?" "The cuffs are Roberto Coin." "Hmm?" "Thirty-six grand, at least, on first dibs." "Looks good." "You don't need to apologize." "[SEAN SIGHS]" "I don't know what happens to me." "I guess I just need to be reminded from time to time who my real family is." "Just enjoy the sunset, my friend." "It's all water under the bridge." "[SNIFFS]" "Hey, do you still need that loan?" "So how much longer am I gonna have to wait till your partner shows up?" "He's in the middle of surgery." "I can have him pulled if you like." "But as you can see, he signed all the proper papers." "That won't be necessary." "Everything seems to be in order." "Great." "Don't need the loan anymore, buddy boy." "Got an extension." "But thanks." "Means a lot." "[BOTH SIGH]" "[ENGLISH SDH]"