"Vamps must've broken in here and cleaned us out." "At least have the balls to tell them if you're gonna fire me." "There's a bomb on the zombie!" "I'm not gonna just sit here." "[Loud crash] It's not your decision." " It's the vamps, man." " Hijacked a van..." "Threw a fresh zombie in there and let them go to town on the prisoners." "You got three seconds to call off this attack." "We're literally taking shots in the dark out there." "Somebody's gonna get killed." "Bitch." "[Rapid beeping]" "[Bleep]." "[Explosion]" "One year ago..." "Vampire, werewolves, and zombies..." "Descended upon California's San Fernando valley." "Authorities remain baffled by their origins." "♪ Love is nasty 'cause it gets so rotten ♪" "♪ I think it's time to put this body in the ground ♪" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪" "♪ We're losing all control ♪" "♪ The buildings all turn to dust ♪" "♪ And I think it's getting closer ♪" "♪ 'Cause they're coming for us ♪" "For today's funeral, I want all of you in your dress blues." "Officer Landry, you'll partner up with officer Rinaldi for the time being." "Meanwhile, there's a grief counselor who will be here all day for any of you who want to use her services." "That is all." "[Sighs]" "Stubeck." "Captain." "I always had you pegged for a dim, roly-poly chicken pants, but after what you showed me, you might just be the most loyal, upright, and honest officer I've ever had the pleasure to work with." "Thank you..." "Captain." "[Clears throat]" "Those weapons in the armory didn't get up and walk away by themselves." "I believe there's a mole on the force, and I want you to find out who it is." "Billy and I are on it." "No, Stubeck, you're on it." "Understood?" "Yeah." "Stubeck." "Get out of here before I make a fool out of myself." " No." " What?" "You get out of here this time." "[Bagpipe music]" "♪ ♪" "[Whispering] What an awful time for the families." "[Whispering] Yeah." "Hey, I was this close to banging Kirsten in Dashell's office Wednesday." "I'm serious." "You're a terrible person." "Kirsten is sweet and lovely and uncorrupted." "And she should be protected from predators like you." "Good point." "Or she's a diabolical, two-faced mole who almost got us all killed Wednesday night." "Either way, she's to be avoided at all costs." "♪ ♪" "[Whispering] Billy and I almost hooked up in Dashell's office." "[Whispering] What?" "I know." "Crazy, right?" "We're at a funeral right now." "See?" "Coffin, Coffin..." "Sad people." "I know." "I'm sorry." "I can't believe we're talking about this right now, when we're burying two cops and John-John's lying in the hospital, very possibly because you tipped off the vamps." "[Loudly] You still think that?" " Shh." " I killed Ri..." " Shh." " [Whispering] I killed Rico." "Well, maybe you didn't want him to talk." "♪ ♪" "[Music stops]" "Dearly beloved..." "Till the day of his death, no man can be sure of his courage." "You a friend, relative?" "No." "Perhaps I have no business being here at all." "My name is Santos." "You are Frank Dashell." "Is that right?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "Do we know each other?" "No, but you know my son Rico... excuse me, knew my son." "He's in a better place now." "All due respect, your son Rico was a scumbag and a parasite." "And if he is in a better place right now, there's no justice in this world." "Still, he is my flesh and blood." "And on his sacred body," "I tell you I want peace between us." "[Chuckles] Of course you do." "There's been too much bloodshed, Frank." "If this war between your people and mine continues to go on, we're gonna kill each other off." "[Smacks lips]" "You know, this conversation isn't really going anywhere." "Then sit down with me at a peace summit." "[Sniffs]" "You serious?" "I am dead serious." "And tonight I want you to come down to Rico's ceremony." "Let me tell you something." "Two men are dead because of you, and you got about five seconds... do not threaten me." "I paid my respects to your men." "Now you pay your respects to my son." "[Groaning]" "May I help you?" " Ma'am, we're with the UTF..." " You're with who?" "Uh, the undead task force." "Oh, I don't know who that could possibly be." "We're police, ma'am." "The uniform should've given it way." "Anyway, some of your neighbors were complaining about strange noises and smells coming from your apartment." "It's probably just my husband, Stan." "Mm." "Okay." "Um, is your husband here at this time?" "Of course." "Of course." "[Chuckles] Ooh." "Uh, uh, ma'am?" "Sondra." "Sondra." "Uh, your husband is a..." "I know, I know." "You think I don't know." "We've been married 49 years." "Who'd know better than me?" "Ma'am, uh, you can't just leave him here." "It's a health hazard." "To me, maybe, but who else does it bother?" "Uh, your neighbors." "They've been calling." "They're complaining." "Oh, I know there's a smell..." "big deal." "A lot of people smell." "I hear dogs barking all day that are a lot louder than Stan." " [Clears throat] Ma'am..." " Sondra." "Sondra." "[Scoffs]" "I'm very sorry..." "But we have to remove your husband, okay?" "Please, please, let me just call our son..." "So he can say a proper good-bye." "Come on." "It's a slow day." " [Groans]" " Oh, stop that." "[Monitor beeping]" "Thank you." "Good day." "You, uh..." "You tapping that?" "Huh?" "Captain, I need help going to the bathroom." "Some ladies are into that, ah?" "No... ah." "[Clears throat] All righty, where were we?" ""Desiree stared at his shoulders, his chest, his mouth."" ""And she held out her hands to stop him, but inside..."" ""Inside she was praying that he would take her, take her roughly and take her away from all that she'd been aching for so long to escape." "'I trust you,' she whispered."" "I'm sorry, captain." "I'm just..." "I'm just a little tired." "I think I'm just gonna close my eyes for a while." " You do that, my friend." " Ah." "I'm gonna read just one more chapter, maybe another one after that..." " No, no, captain..." "While you get your rest." "[Clears throat]" ""Clay was more experienced than any man desiree had ever known, and she could feel it in his fingertips as they expertly made their way under her bodice."" "[Rock music]" "♪ ♪" "All right, so what's up, partner?" "Dashell really thinks there's a mole in the utf, and he wants me to find out who it is." " Are you serious?" " Mm-hmm." "So..." "Is it you?" "Stubeck, come on, man." "How could you even ask that?" "I'm not judging, just asking." "So you trust me enough to keep a secret, but at the same time, you think I might be a mole." "That's crazy." "These are crazy times." "You think it might be Kirsten?" "I don't know." "The only people in the armory before it got cleaned out were her and Dashell." "So if it's not Kirsten..." "You thinking what I'm thinking?" "No, my chin's just itchy." "Seriously?" "Yeah, I bought a new razor this morning, and I'm a little itchy." "Okay, so just bear with me on this for a second." "Okay." "What is the statistical likelihood you'd buy a new razor, it'd make your chin itchy, and the exact moment that I asked you if you were thinking what I was thinking, the itch kicked in?" "Whoo." "My head is, like, fried." "Okay, I'm out of here." "Oh." "[Clears throat]" "Wow." "♪ ♪" "Sondra, I think it's time." "Stan and I met on Memorial Day, 1961, at the parade in Pasadena." "Grew up two blocks apart and never laid eyes on each other till we went to that parade." "We've been partners ever since." "God, that's so sweet." "I'd love to find that." "We used to go to the dances." "He'd get drunk and knock me around a little bit." "[Chuckles] But only because he knew I liked it." "[Chuckles]" "Maybe not exactly that." "He's squeezing my hand in time to the music." "You don't believe me." "Come see for yourself." " Oh, no, no, I believe you." " Stan?" "Did you eat enough today?" "Sondra..." "I understand how hard it can be to let someone go." "My mom died when I was in the seventh grade." "It was horrible, and I didn't think it would ever get better." "I don't think the loss ever completely goes away, but you learn to move on..." "'Cause it's the only choice we have." "[Stan farting]" "[Groans]" "[Laughter]" "Some things never change." "[Stan farts]" "Oh, Stan, what will I do without you?" "[Stan groans]" "Sondra..." "[Sighs]" "I need you to back away." "[Stan groaning]" "Carla." "Have a good weekend, Sondra." "[Light rock music]" "♪ ♪" "[Groans]" "[Siren chirping]" "Well, I should probably take off, or I'm gonna be late to Rico's funeral." "Rico's dead?" "Of course he's dead." "Landry drove a stake through his rib cage." "Don't you remember?" "No, I don't remember." "I think the vamps want peace, John-John." "And if that's true, we owe it all to you." "I don't understand." "You carried the unit on your back that night." "You rallied us when we were down, and you found a reserve of strength that none of us had." "[Grunts] Ah." "Anything I can get you before I take off?" " Yeah, stop hitting me." " Anything else?" "Carla." "Ooh, no can do, my friend." "She is on her first date with a man since college." "What?" "Ah!" "Got ya." "[Chuckles]" "Ah." "Ah." "I'm kidding." "Carla it is, my friend." "You get better." "See, here's what's driving me nuts." "Dashell changes the key code to the armory on almost a daily basis." "He told me that himself." " Mm-hmm." "And Kirsten is nowhere near when he keys it in right there." "So you think it might be dashell?" "No, I'm not saying, "I think it's Dashell."" "I'm saying, "I really think it's not Kirsten."" "So it's Dashell." "No, it's not Kirsten." "Do you have any film on Kirsten?" "No." "Focus." "You have such a great head for no hair." "I mean, I'd look like a dildo, but..." "Thank you." "I don't know, Stu." "I'll keep working on it, all right?" "Great." " Officer Pierce." " Yeah." " Do I have that right?" " Yeah, sure." "Why?" "What's going on?" "Well, I guess I should let you come to me, but you haven't done that, so..." "Oh." "[Grunts]" "[Scoffs]" "I will not be needing these." "I'll just give you my professional opinion." "I feel like you're holding on to a great deal of sadness." "I think you've been traumatized, and rather than dealing with your grief, you're trying to just throw it away, because to acknowledge it somehow shows weakness." "It's a phenomenon that happens with men in your position." "Well, that is interesting." "Oh, good." "I keep thinking about it and how close I came." "I mean, I was this close..." "To banging Kirsten in Dashell's office." "And then that stupid bomb blows up, and it's like..." "[Imitates explosion]" "Just totally killed the mood, right?" "And a couple of people, I understand." "Yeah, but that's off the point." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "I mean, it was like..." "Shirt off, hands going down pants." "I think I saw underboob." "The tip of my finger smelled like top of ass." "[Sniffs] Yeah." "And, you know, I don't want to blame John-John and those dead cops." " Mm-hmm." "It's just..." "I take that back." "I do want to blame them." "I mean, when am I gonna get a chance like that again?" "Who knows?" "I don't know." "You don't know." "I-I don't know." "Now, when you asked me if there's sadness..." "Yeah, there's a hell of a lot of sadness." "I-I hope this was helpful." "Eh." "[Zombies groaning]" "[Light rock music]" "♪ ♪" "Thanks for showing up, partner." "I would've come anyway." "I've been worried about you." "I like your room." "[Grunts]" "Did they get you a cute nurse?" "[Laughs] Yeah, she okay." "She just left not too long ago, but I think the night nurse is gonna be here soon." "Hey, remember what I promised you the other night..." "Right before the bomb went off?" "Hmm?" "You promised me what?" "No, just that, um..." "That I'll always be your partner for as long as we're cops." "Anyway, I meant it." "[Electronic music]" "♪ ♪" "And so..." "Rather than mourn Rico's death," "I ask all of you who have gathered here to celebrate his life." "Anyone wishing to view the body may do so at this time." "[Man growls softly]" "It means a great deal to me, you coming out here tonight." "It shows tremendous bravery." "There's no reason why enemies can't learn to be partners." "You know, Santos, I..." "[Chuckles]" "I didn't think I'd hear myself say these words, but I believe you." "And I look forward to hammering out a peace agreement together." "It will be done, I assure you." "You know, I-I got to tell you," "I mean, your funerals are a lot more traditional than I expected." "We have great respect for the customs of our ancestors." "Yeah, I mean, you know, it's... you got the viewing of the body." "You got the flowers, the eulogy." "It's really quite lovely." "And later there will be music and dancing." " Oh." " But for now, everybody will get a chance to say good-bye to Rico." "And then we will cut his body into 12 pieces and suck the marrow from his bones." "What... what did you say?" "We suck Rico's bone marrow..." "Till the last drop..." "Till he's as dry as a twig." "It's how we keep the dead alive in the body of the living." "You know, I've got a Mountain of paperwork..." " Oh, really?" " Back at the thing." "Yes, but congratu..." "Well, I appreciate it." " My condolences." "Yes." " Thanks, really." "Have a happy sucking or whatever." "Okay." "Hmm." "Humans." "[Rock music]" "♪ ♪" "[Siren walls]" "[Imitates drumming]" "Hey!" "Kirsten, what's up?" "You look a little sad." "Yeah, I guess I had a little bit of a sad day today." "Aw." "But also happy in some ways." "[Chuckles, sniffles] See?" "[Laughs] I always get emotional whenever I'm tired." "But I'll be okay." "Do you want to talk about it?" "Um..." "Yeah, I'd like that." "Mm-hmm." "[Snickers] Maybe not right here." "Dashell's office." "Dashell's office." "Yeah." "You're under arrest for aiding and abetting in multiple counts of attempted murder." "[Snarls]" "[Gunshots]" "[Gunshot] Whoa!" "Hey!" "Come here." "Hey, hey." "Put it away." "Put it away." " Oh!" " Ooh!" "That's our mole." "I'm gonna go tell Dashell we found the mole." "Yeah." "Nice, Stu!" "Yeah." "How did you know that was the mole?" "Oh." "I kept playing the tape back." "Every time Dashell keyed in the code," "Kirsten was nowhere around." "And then I realized the only people that would have the code are Dashell or the guy that made the tape." "So you're sure it's not Dashell." "Yes, I'm sure it's not Dashell." "There's a lot of things I don't know about Dashell, but I know one thing." "He hates the vamps with all his heart." "And if I'm wrong about that, well, then we're all screwed." " Touche." " Mm." "Whoo!" " [Grunts]" " Just one question, though... you couldn't wait five minutes?" "I mean, you really had to bust up my moment?" "Oh, what do you mean "your moment"?" "You putting the moves on Kirsten again?" "Dude, you glock-blocked me." "I don't know what that means." "Yeah, you do." "You glock-blocked me." "You know what I told you about coming on to Kirsten." "Ah, I don't care." "She smells like a basket of peaches." "Oh, I'm gonna report you." " In a good way?" " No." "[Indistinct chatter]" "[Suspenseful music]" "♪ ♪" "[Laughs] That's actually really horrifying." "[Monitor beeping]" "The vamp boss has proposed a sit-down." "Oh, crap." "Landry, I got a bad feeling about John-John." "Hey, you want a little blood?" "I'm sure you could suck some out of there." " Oh, come on." "My God!" "[Man choking]" "I have some awful news to tell you." "What else?" "Did zombies come up?" " Yeah, captain, they did." " Yeah." " I got this." " I can tell it." "The vampires..." "I would love to tell the story."