"NEVER EVER" "Judith?" " Is that you?" " Who else?" "I am meeting the French people at 9:00 a.m." "The briefcase!" "N EVER EVER" ""Dear Reader, I understand your bitterness after your husband left you for a younger one." "I sympathize with you..." "But the conclusions you're drawing from the situation seem a tiny bit too radical." "It is a myth that all men who reach the age of forty are sooner or later bound to exchange the old model for a new one." "I don't think neglecting the house and visiting beauty parlors is your only option." "There's always a risk that the hubby will start missing home dinners and the smell of cakes filling up the..."" "Oh, heck!" "Oh, my gosh!" ""He might start looking around..." "for another woman who is capable to provide him with all that..." "The ideal solution would be finding or rather... reaching the golden middle." "That is being his mistress, his best friend, and the housekeeper..." "all at the same time." "And the fact that some men tend to leave nevertheless?" "Well, let them." "If they were capable of leaving an ideal wife, they didn't deserve her." "I'm sure that was your case." "So, keep your head up!" "You have reached your milestone." "You have a chance to start anew..." "To make your life meaningful, interesting and satisfying." "Just don't give up!" "Never ever!" "Yours truly..." "Judith"." "Tosia?" "Don't you call me that!" "Don't you send me to school!" " What's the F for?" " Conduct." "No, sorry!" " For wrong attitude." " Elaborate." "The ethics teacher said we're doomed to be miserable." "I said I was planning to be happy." "She said I'd see life was brutal." "So I said that life made her bitter and that I felt sorry for her." "And she gave me an F." "Ah, well..." "Tosia, you have to understand..." "Just a moment." "Don't call me Tosia." " But, kiddo..." " And never call me kiddo!" "But I have to call you something." "Okay." "Treat me like a human being." "Human being?" "Put on your human slippers, I've just washed the floor." " That was supposed to be funny?" " Well, I've been trying." "Well... not successfully." " And what about the French people?" " All right." "Is everything okay at work?" "No, it isn't." " What's wrong?" " Nothing." "But you said there was something wrong." "You asked if everything was okay." " Then something is wrong." " No, it isn't." " More soup?" " No, it's too rich." "It's your Mom's recipe." "An emancipated woman sticks to old fashioned ways?" "Try a lighter cuisine." "Cut down on potatoes, use more veggies." "Potatoes are veggies, aren't they?" " Don't start an argument." " Sugar..." " Don't you "sugar" me." " Quiet at the table!" " I'm developing an ulcer!" " Sure thing." ""Dear Reader, sharing the meals is a crucial element of being together." "It's a moment of relaxed and quiet mood, when we forget all the hassle, when we can share our experiences, our troubles, our thoughts." "A moment of being together." "Yours truly..." "Judith"." "Thomas?" " Going to bed already?" " I want to read a little." "Honey... should I shut the window?" "16 Centigrade is the optimal bedroom temperature." "When you put it like this it makes me feel much colder." "Like it was freezing." "Hey, how about turning on the TV?" "There's a nice comedy on channel 2." "I'll fetch some wine and chips..." "You ate in bed last Tuesday." "I had to pull broken chips out of my back." "And your cigarette made a hole in the pillow." "A lot of people burned alive because they'd been smoking in bed." "I'll die, and you'll marry a fan of chilly bedroom and nouvelle cuisine." "What?" " What do you mean?" " Nothing." "I was joking." "If the TV comedy is just as funny..." "We'd better turn the light off." "Thomas?" "Do you still love me?" "What kind of question is that?" "Oh, well..." " I think you've found someone." " Like I'm cheating on you?" "Judith, pull yourself together." "I'm just tired and the soup was too rich." " That doesn't mean I'm cheating." " But are you?" "Of course not!" "Pregnant?" " With your baby?" " Let's not get melodramatic." "But asked you if you were cheating and you said you weren't." "Do you know a man who'd answer "yes"?" " That is not real!" " Please, don't get melodramatic." "Let's split in a civilized way." "Split?" " What do you mean?" " Divorce." "You'll keep the apartment, I'll keep the car." "I need it at work." " You've become a chauffeur?" " You have the right to be sore." "But remember that everything happens with a cause." "So this is all my fault?" "You said it." "So it was I that knocked that... bimbo Yola up?" "Was it?" "Don't be vulgar." "It's unacceptable, even in anger." "Let's try to have a bit of class." "All right." "As you wish." "No!" "No way!" "To hell with class!" "You... mean, disgusting troll, you!" "I am furious!" "And I won't try to hide it!" "I just knew you were emotionally unstable!" "I am an abandoned wife." "An abandoned wife with a kid." "The statistics say it happens to one in ten women." "Why do I have to be the tenth one?" "Why not the eighth?" "I never liked him." "He's a jerk." "I'll never hear him yell, "Where the heck is my coffee?"." "Never!" " Why am I missing that?" " What's she like?" " Large or small?" " Large." "Small." "Ugly like an ape." "Narrow lips... a golden tooth..." "Acne... no titties." "So he must really love her." "I'm bullshitting you." "She's just pretty." "And young." "And she's got a great body." "She'll have stretch marks after giving birth." "I knew you were my best friend." "Holy shit!" " Ms Judith?" " I've answered all the letters." "All 86 of them to be exact." "Here! "What to do when the child is too polite?"." ""How to make a kid polite"." ""How to embroider?"." ""How to remove embroidery?"." ""Are power lines safe to live under?"." ""When will the world end?"." ""Can a vegetarian not eat veggies?"." ""How is a film different from a movie?"." " "How to get rid of ants?"." " Settle down!" "Do you know that the clit is two times and a half bigger?" "Two times and a half." "If you mean compared what I am thinking about..." "No wonder there are so many unhappy couples." "Try writing something about sex." "A serious analysis." " We'll discuss the details tomorrow." " Impossible." " Reason?" " Divorce." " Whose?" " My own." "In that case..." "Adam!" " Will you step into my office?" " All right." "Sorry once again." "The idea is off." "I find your clit idea fascinating." "Me?" "A serious analysis." "You've got it." "You didn't wear make up when you were married." "Is divorce a good time for such a change?" "It's so reassuring to have an understanding daughter." "There you go." "Use my gloss." "It's the right color." "Better tell me it's the right choice." "Relax." "Right!" "Nothing happened." "Betrayal and abandonment..." "A stranger in a robe will declare I'm no longer married..." "That's all a joke!" "My life's ruined, but who cares?" "Better split now than in 10 years' time." "You're not so old yet." "And then, there's more about life than having one man." "Don't worry." "I do worry." "About you, for example." "Dad will always be my Dad." "And I'll have a brother." "I always wanted one, but you said no to diapers and sleeples nights." "Yola will be getting up at night." " Hurry or you'll be late." " Shit!" "Just..." " Call me a taxi!" " The cabbie is waiting outside." " You're the best of all daughters." " I know." "And vice versa." "It'll be all right, you'll see!" "We declare that the union created on September 23rd 1988 by Tomasz Kozlowski, born on July 11th" "1963 in Zamosc and Judith Catherine Kozlowski, born on August 15th 1966 in Warsaw, no longer valid." "Both parents keep the rights of guardianship over Antonina." "All the costs of the daughter's education should be shared by both of the parents." "The father is obliged to transfer the sum of 1000 zlotys to the mother's account by the 10th of each month." " What?" "I'm crazy, is that it?" " Judith..." "I was, 16 years ago, when I married you." "Don't interrupt!" " Stop interrupting me!" " Take a look in the mirror!" "Couldn't you've told me earlier?" " I was signalling..." " That I was insane, right!" "That I was a whacko!" "Is the hearing over?" "You've dropped something." "I'm Yola Zablocki..." "soon to became Kozlowski." "Same last name and initials!" "Ain't that something?" "Yola wanted to meet you and discuss our mutual affairs." "Your fiancee and I have no mutual affairs." "You didn't tell her, sugar?" "Sugar?" "It all depends on who's saying it." "It's about the apartment." " Which apartment?" " Ours." "Or mine, to be exact." "We have two months to move in." "We can't wait any longer." "You get it, right?" "Ah, all right." "That means... we're to live under the bridge?" "Enough with the melodrama." "You just love to make a scene!" "I'll provide you with a place to live." "Who are you taking me for?" "The other apartment was his." "Understand?" " It belonged to his grandparents." " But you both paid the morgage." "Yeah, sort of..." "But it was his by the law." "And this dump is yours, right?" "Well, you know..." "It was an act of his good will." "Can you try explaining that once again?" "I'm not sure I..." "Whew!" "I don't quite get it." "How could he offer you this...?" "It is still the most elegant present he's ever given to me." "For my last birthday I got a pair of cheap slippers." "He bought them, because he saw a neighbour bringing me flowers." "And he suddenly remembered." " How will you fit two beds in here?" " We'll share one." "No problem." "Fewer sheets to wash." "Ula, you must always look at the bright side of things." "There's only a small cooker in the kitchen." "If "kitchen" isn't saying too much." "I'll eat salads, then." "And lose some weight... at last." "New wallpaper, new coat of paint, some new curtains..." "It will be wonderful." "God damn it!" "I'll go nuts here..." "or will develop claustrophobia." "Thank God!" "I was beginning to think you'd lost your mind." "A divorce?" "Does that mean you want to leave your husband?" " I don't want to." " God be praised!" "But I have to." "I've divorced him." "Without telling us?" " I didn't want to upset you." " If I were you," "I wouldn't have married him" " 16 years ago!" " Stop making her feel bad." " My child, it's a disaster." " I am making her feel bad?" "I could have given some advice." " But since nobody wants it..." " I've come to ask for advice." "And for help." "That's what parents are for." "In a month's time I'll have nowhere to live." "I'll find something, but that will take time, and the thing is..." "My old bedroom..." "It's small, I know, but..." "You want to move back?" "Just for a little while." " There might be a problem." " There will be, for we decided to divide the apartment in two." "We decided to divide it into two smaller ones..." " and to live separately." " Whatever for?" "We didn't tell you, so you wouldn't get upset." "We're getting divorced." "Divorced?" "You for one have no right to comment our decision." "You want money instead of the studio?" "I've already said so." "I'm just checking if you know what you're saying." "Pity you didn't make sure 16 years back, when I agreed to marry you." "Perhaps I'd have second thoughts." "What's with that arithmetics?" "Would it be better if we'd split after three years?" "Look at it differently:" "I looked after you for 16 years." "How humane of you." "But if you spend that money and have nowhere to live..." "It won't be my fault." "Of course it won't be." "Not in the slightest degree." "The notary will see you." "Six, seven, eight, nine, ten." "One hundred thousand." "Are you sure it was the right thing to do?" " Honestly?" " Sure." "I'm not." "We could have bought bunk beds." "And who would take the upper one?" " Me!" " Me!" "Me." " Respect your elders." " And where are we going to live?" " Here, for a month." " And then?" "And then..." " Somewhere else." " But where, Mom?" "I don't know." "But I know what the place is going to be like." "Beautiful." "I'll have a room of my own." "You too." "There will be a bathroom with an enormous tub." "With a window." "And lots of plants." "A fireplace perhaps... with real fire burning in it." "The kitchen will be... rather small, but very... very..." "With dried herbs..." " and garlic..." " And then there will be a knight in a shinig armor." "Right so!" " That hurt!" " It was supposed to!" "I hate the country, I don't have a car," "I won't leave my job." "It takes an hour by train." "Ouch!" "See?" " I almost broke my leg." " Who wears high heels?" "I love high heels." "Me living here?" "Far from the city, without a phone?" "In mud and dirt?" "No way." "Just take a look at the land." "All right." "That's what I came for." "But I am warning you:" "I won't live here." "They want only 10 thousand for the land." "You'll buy a project, hire some builders," " and move in by the fall." " It is an ideal plan for you, a person with green fingers." "I can't tell a pine from a spruce." "Hush!" "It's the lark!" "Don't try to trick me into it." "But it's so beautiful!" "The lark, you say?" "I'd never had guessed." "And those are young birch trees?" "Charming, huh?" "What's going on?" "Where does the owner live?" "No, I can't let it go for 10 thousand." "But yesterday you agreed." "But it's today now, and the deal is off." "How do you mean, off?" "I'm telling you:" "Ten is not enough." " And how much would be enough?" " I have to ask my daughter." "Fifteen thousand?" "And my son..." " Twenty?" " Judith!" "If you'd asked me for advice before buying it, I'd have told you you were insane!" "It's nuts, everyone will say so!" " Okay, so I am nuts." " Can't you" " just quit?" " Boss?" " Cement?" " No!" " Yeah!" " Can't you quit now?" " No!" " I'm asking her, not you." " I can't." " We're not pouring it?" " We are!" " Yes?" " "Judith?"" "You're still up?" "I'm working." " "And talking with you."" " I've been thinking." "If you dismatled the fence, buried the foundations, and took the planks, the woman might agree to pay" " "your 25 grand back."" " But I'm not burying anything." "I intend to build that house and live happily in it." "I had no idea you were so depressed." "Good night, sweetie." "Yes?" "Judith?" " No." " "Stop fooling around,"" " I recognized your voice." " "So why do you ask?"" "I'm just... trying to start a conversation." "What's your plan?" "With regards to my lovely little house?" "To the barrack in no man's land!" "The one you won't put a roof on, due to your lack of money and knowledge!" "I indend to build that house and to be happy in it." " Happy like hell!" " "Why are you"" "so sarcastic?" "I'm calling to comfort you, to advise..." "Know what?" "Go to bed." "And try to be in a better mood tomorrow!" " Hello?" " "Judith?"" "Why aren't you sleeping yet?" "How can you" " "live like that?" "!"" " I love you, Mom." " Yes?" " "Why are you still in bed?"" "Living like that you wont complete the house in another 10 years!" "Daddy, I love you." " Boss?" " Yeah?" " You're a heck of a woman." " Are you mental or something?" "Our boss is a first class woman." "No kidding." "God is my witness." " We'll do anything for you!" " Instead of taking two months we'll take two weeks to build it!" "Sure thing!" "Gentlemen, you are the best." "I never could trust any man like I trust you!" " Are we fucking good?" " You are fucking good!" "You are fucking great!" "Keep up the good work!" "Sex!" "That's what the article should be about!" "But you misunderstood my idea." " Why?" " The article isn't about sex." " And what is it about?" " Men!" "Cucumber soup, please." "Men and sex are very close together." "In case of some men it's just a question of inches." " Tomato soup for me." " It's a chauvinistic text!" "You're trying to prove we are all unfaithful and irresponsible!" " Gnocchi, goulasch and salad." " But it's all connected with sex." "All my examples deal with it." "Half a portion of rice, chicken stew and coleslaw." "I wanted to give you a hand..." "But you..." " You're biting it!" " The hand that feeds me?" " No dessert for me." " That's what I'm trying to say!" "No, not to you, madam." "Jelly with cream." " I've heard it so many times." " From me?" "From my ex." "That means my article won't be published?" "Over my dead body!" "It is a very tempting vision." " You are..." " Impudent and disrespectful." "Am I fired already?" "Not yet." "How much is it?" "Sixteen twenty?" "And it's called a cafeteria!" "I paid only eight fifty." "Bon appetit!" "Cork it up!" "Quick!" "You praized us too soon, dear boss!" "We're just simple, ordinary lads, not accustomed to compliments." "We just burst under all this pressure." "Judith!" "Open up!" "I'm not at home!" "I went to Peru!" "And Tosia is in Greenland!" "Then let me in, so I can water your plants!" "I guess you aren't too happy in Peru." "Peru stinks!" "Judith..." "What's going on?" "I have to vacate the apartment by Sunday." "I'm unable to pack," "I have no place to go to, I'm out of money." "Sunday is 4 days away." "I'll help you pack." "And you can stay at my place." "We'll put your stuff in the garage." "My car can sit in the rain." "And how will I pay the builders?" "We'll arrange it." "Money is not a problem." "For me everything is a problem, even brushing my teeth." "Don't give up." "I'm sure you'll soon have some great ideas." "Don't bet on it!" "I know!" "The Malczewski!" "If we sold the Malczewski..." "Out of the question." "That's family heirloom." " It's for your great-grandchildren." " Me and grandchildren?" "My daughter will perish from cold under the bridge!" "If you'd listened to my advice, you could have married" " a guy with a house." " Will I find one by Sunday?" "Don't be a drama queen." "So, I understand I can't count on your help." " On the contrary!" "Can you help her?" " I have no savings!" "Can't you take a loan?" "I already have taken one." "The bank considers me untrustworthy." "Clever guys, aren't they?" "In that case... think about building a smaller house." " Or a house without a roof." " I don't understand your sarcasm." "Wait a minute!" "Until you manage to understand?" "I'll call your Grandma." "Where did you get the money?" "From my old Granny." "She told me not to worry" " about paying it back." " And where did she get it?" "It's her funeral fund." "I guess she's not eager to spend it." "What are you laughing at?" "At my Granny's funeral!" "But otherwise your head is all right?" "How is it going?" "If I don't finish by tomorrow, they'll fire my ass." "I'll help." "Give me all the enquiries about stain removing and gardening." "And you deal with the psychological bullshit." "All right." "Water veins, for you." "Anorexia, for you." " For you!" " Right." "Getting rid of freckles, for you." "Removing blood stains, for you." "Removing wax stains, for you, removing red wine marks, for you." "If I knew they were all about stains, I wouldn't have volunteered." " Hey!" "A letter from a dumped guy." " Impossible!" "Read it!" ""My wife says she's been unhappy for many years..." "In fact I never made her happy." "She's having an affair with her colleague, who makes her feel like a real woman." "How is that possible?" "I've always loved her... and I consider myself a very good husband." "Leon Zakrzewski"." "Serves him right!" "Let's answer ASAP!" ""My dear Leon..." "I've read your letter with a heavy heart." "Although your situation... makes me sympathize with you," "I cannot..." "I can't help thinking... that you too could be blamed"." "Mister!" "Your wife is so clever!" "She didn't wait for you to dump her first!" ""A woman doesn't look for romance, if her husband meets her needs to be loved, respected and feeling special." "If she is happy with your rival, it means he gives her" " what you couldn't provide." " Or wouldn't provide." "Yours truly..." "Judith"." " You know what?" " Nope." "Serves him right!" "Well?" "What do you think?" "That's the "lovely little house that will be ready by summer"?" "It's almost finished." "Hello!" " Here's the living-room..." " And my bedroom?" "We'll have a sofa..." "and lots of plants." "I haven't decided about the stairs yet..." "That's the kitchen..." "Breakfasts with a wonderful view." " Good morning!" " Let it be good!" "We already said good morning..." "Here is my drawing room..." "No, no, my study." " With a computer, a desk..." " Wait!" " Show me my room!" " There!" " Where?" "In Heaven?" " Upstairs." "There's no upstairs here!" "There is, potentially." "Potentially, I am a tall, slender brunette." "Tosia..." "We'll get through it." "We have to get through it." "Unless we won't get through it." "I wish you said we would get through it." " Tosia!" " Sure." " Boss?" " Hello!" " How are you?" " Not too bad!" "Super!" "The roof will be ready tomorrow... the floors next week..." "and after that it's just downhill." "See?" "Like I told you:" "It will be fine!" "He did?" "Leon Zakrzewski wrote back?" "Come on, read!" ""Dear Judith, why was your letter filled with venom?" "I never expected such injustice." "You don't know the situation I'm in." "I don't know your age..." What's it to him?" ""Maybe it's time to retire, since love" " is something you've forgotten"." " What a jerk!" "I'll bring some sweets." ""Perhaps you're one of the few men capable of thinking and feeling." "But your ideas about men and women are unacceptable." "You don't understand that the women are exploited, taught to be servants." "They bear children, and nobody wants to help them do it"." " The guy will never understand." " You bet he won't!" ""Your bitter opinions about men makes one wonder if you hadn't been dumped"." "I just wrote that the relation between sexes is of a feudal nature." " But then..." " What?" " There are men who..." " Which ones?" "I know only one." "Your guy." "And the others..." "They're all the same." "That's why I decided I'm through with them." "Forever." ""Dear Sir, in psychology, attributing our own characteristics... which we know only subconsciously, is known as projection." "This mechanism can be observed in your letters to me." "I have nothing against men." "And the reason is simple:" "They're not my rivals." "You are the one who has a grudge against other men, because one of them won your wife's love"." "Mom, who are you speaking to?" "Nobody." "On Friday I'm going to Cracow." "For three days." "To Cracow?" "How come?" " Irek invited me." " Irek?" " How come?" " Like a busted record..." "The one you fell in love with at summer camp?" "I won't let you go." "Wanna bet?" "All right, go." "You should have said no." "I know she'll do it anyway." "So I let her do it." "That's the only way to save your face." "You want to be a consenting parent?" "And sex?" "What sex?" "Mom!" "Tosia is only fifteen." "First crush and sex are miles and miles apart." "But you think about sex." "You accept the fact" " that your daughter could..." " Yes." "I accept that." "Maybe not yet, but I do accept that." " And you don't." " Because sex is not for kids." " It's acceptable for adults..." " Thanks for being broadminded." " For some adults." " Which ones?" "You are out of this equation." "I am beginning to get used to that." " Hey, Mom!" " You're back?" "Why?" "You thought I'd be eaten by the dragon?" "You wanted to spend three days there." "That Irek..." "What a bad mistake." "Kiddo?" "But you are not unhappy?" "I would be, if I'd spent three days in Cracow." "Say... what do you think?" "Are my wrinkles very deep?" " Maybe not so deep?" " For someone your age..." "But relax." "At the age of 19 your collagen starts dissapearing." "I can expect no more than three years of enjoying a smooth complexion." "Each day brings us closer to death." " You didn't answer the letters first?" " I forgot about them." "You depressed me with your "getting closer to death" stuff." "Read the letters, and I'll dictate the answers." "And you won't call me uncooperative?" "I love you, my litte bug." "Start reading." "It's awkward..." "reading someone's mail." "And Mommy has to do it." "All right, then." ""Dear Advice Column, I'm 15..." Just like me." ""My penis, when fully erect..."" "Stop!" "Don't read that!" "Try the next one!" "You think I don't know what a penis is?" " Or erection?" " I hope you don't." "I must shatter your hopes." " Jesus Christ!" " Do you know what" " the Statue of Liberty looks like?" " What's that got to...?" "I do." "Have you seen it?" "With your own eyes?" "There you go..." ""...my penis bends slightly to the left." "Will that affect my sex life?" "Waiting for your reply, Hubert"." "Leave that." "I'll write the answers." ""Dear..." "Dear Hubert..." "The penis can slant to the sides." "Sometimes it's the result of squeezing it into the same trouser leg"." "Well?" "Write!" "What are you waiting for?" ""Most masculine penises slant sideways, without affecting the quality of the intercourse"." "What?" "I have schoolfriends." "I'm still worried." "And there's only a thin cardboard wall between our P.E. Locker rooms." ""If you still have doubts, show it to your house doctor, or try seeing a sexuologist." "All the best." "Yours sincerely..." "Judith"." "You're right." "This is our place!" "Geez!" "I can't believe it's really happening." "Shall I pinch you?" "Dad invited me over for the weekend." "He told me I shouldn't be surprised seeing my brother's red hair." "Is this possible?" "Obviously it is." "Again?" "We've just answered fifty something of them." "You answered three of them:" "About the crooked penis, about the right age for the first intercourse... and you explained what logarythm is." "Blue stationery..." "From a guy?" " He must be a weirdo." " Don't open that!" "Don't!" "If you have a lover, you can tell me the truth." " "Exchanging letters with you..." - "Will you finally get out?"" " "What are you doing in there?"" " Guess!" ""Exchanging letters with you is one of my life's recent pleasures." "I'd love to make your acquaintance, because I think you are an interesting, if not fascinating, person." "Is it possible that we meet?" "Let's say this Saturday in the Bristol Hotel cafe?" "If you don't approve of the idea, the date or the place," " "here's my e-mail address..."" " Mom, I have to pee!" "All right!" "Just a moment!" ""Yours sincerely, Leon Zakrzewski"." ""I'm waiting..." "sincerely..." "Leon Zakrzewski"." ""You are an interesting, if not fascinating, person." "Is it possible that we meet?" "You're an interesting, if not fascinating, person... is it possible that we meet?"." "Mom!" "Gotta pee!" "Give me a break!" "One minute!" ""You are an interesting, if not fascinating, person..." "Is it possible that we meet?"." " "I don't need to pee anymore!"" " Jesus." "What?" "Should I meet him?" " Never ever!" " "You're dating"" "that blue stationery guy?" "With Leon Zakrzewski?" "I'm dumb, right?" "He might be a psycho?" "You shouldn't date a stranger with whom you exchanged just a couple of letters?" "Shoot!" "I guess you're right." "I won't go." " When will you meet?" " We won't meet." " When did you plan to?" " Saturday, at 5:00 p.m." " In Bristol Hotel cafe." " But you can't go." "Take a raincheck." " Why?" " You'll be having guests." " What guests?" " For your bonfire party." " I never organized such a party!" " True." "You didn't have a country house." "Now you have one." " But... what about Leon?" " If he's in love, he'll wait." "Set another date." "I have a deadline tomorrow." "Just one little e-mail!" "Please!" "Can't you send one from home?" "I don't have a phone." "Be a darling." "There are other computers here." "Sir, could I use your computer?" "It'll only take a moment." "One more second." "One more second, and I'll miss my train." "Should I throw myself onto the tracks?" " Here you go." " Thanks!" "Thanks a lot!" "Oh shit!" "Hi!" "Is..." "Is that your house?" "Mom is unbelievable, huh?" "Why are you so pissed?" "Relax, Dad." "You know what?" "A red-haired baby is also acceptable." "Dad, come on!" " The guests are coming!" " All right!" "Agnieszka told me about your party, so we decided to pop in." " You know Casimir?" " Not as well as your husband." "Nice, for such Podunk, isn't it?" "He's hilarious!" "And a virtuoso in bed!" "Sorry for bringing company, but my car is in the garage, so Adam offered me a lift." "You know him." "He's from marketing." "Did your train wait?" "It did." "Thank you." "Well..." "Come inside!" "You said wine and sausage would be enough, and?" "If there's nothing left, they're having a great time." "Thaw the chicken and cut the tomatoes." "I'll try to stuff them with cheese." "Cheese, anybody?" "It's so lovely here." "Hi, I'm at Judith's bonfire party." "I'll sleep at her place, 'cos I'm a little drunk." "Ula sent me to fetch the chicken." " It's still frozen solid." " Can I help you?" "Of course, I will miss you, kitten, but you don't want your girlie to have a car crash." "And Judith insists" " that I spend the night here." " Do I really?" "Bye, honey!" "Does he have to stroke your leg while you're calling" " your hubby?" " We trust you." " What an honor!" " Listen..." "My girlie looks tired." "Where can we collapse?" "You know what?" "I won't force you to stay in this Podunk." "Come on!" "We'll find a restaurant with decent food." " I won't touch that nasty sausage." " I thought you were friends..." " Sorry about that." " Let everyone leave, we'll be able to chat freely." "Have you seen...?" "Adam, we're leaving, I have work to do." "I had a great time." " Thanks." "Bye!" " Bye." "Thanks." " Yes?" " "Hi, Adam here."" "Adam?" "Ah, Adam!" "Kinga's chauffeur?" " "Yeah, the very same."" " Hi!" "Listen, I want to thank you for your party." "I know" " "I wasn't invited..."" " No problem." "There were no tickets or formal invitations." "Perhaps you'd let me take to dinner?" "In your fridge there's only a jar of pickled peppers, mustard and two carrots." "A talented chef can work miracles with such ingredients." "No doubt, but we could try finding a nice little restaurant." "Well then?" "I'll pick you up at four, all right?" "You know..." " But then... why not!" " So, see you soon." "Bye." "Bye." "Oh hell, it's two to four!" "Relax, woman..." "When a guy says he'll be at four, it's just little talk." "Have you seen a man coming on time?" "Nope." "Me neither." "That would be a phenomenon." "Oh shit!" "I'll kill the bastard!" "Wait!" "I'll kill myself!" "Holy shit!" "Holy Jesus!" "Calm down!" " Hello, Adam." " Hi!" "We need a band-aid and some peroxide." "Do you have a first-aid kit?" " I should have one." " Let's look for it, then." " To South America?" " For three months." "And you're not afraid of piranhas?" "No, I'm not afraid of them." "If we are to become friends, which is my dream, then I must tell you something." " A few months ago..." " Is it about a woman?" " More or less." " So I'll pass." "No confessions and no life stories." "You should know..." "Friends don't have to give explanations." "Are you a regular e-mail user?" "Yeah... but I don't have a phone line here yet." "I check my mailbox at the office, when I get a chance." "You're one of the victims." "But you're using it?" "Yeah." "I must be going." "My daughter is waiting." "She went to see her new born baby brother." " She'll tell me all about him." " That's quite a challenge." "I am getting used to challenges." "If you have to..." "Run home." "You're getting involved with a divorcee who has a sixteen-year-old daughter." "You must take the consequences." "Off you go." "Bye." "Take care." "Well, well, you've been kissing." " Is Chris here?" " What?" " Is he here?" " Hello." " Let's go, then." " It's half past six a.m.!" "Thank God I didn't come at four." "Come on!" " You can stay here." " For you to eavesdrop?" " Come on!" " I know what's it all about." "Friendship?" "Do friends kiss like that?" "Is he a bad kisser?" "He's a divine kisser." "But that's wrong." "And what would be right?" "No kissing at all!" "A friend has got no right to kiss me like that." " Didn't you tell him?" " How?" "My mouth was busy." "And he smelled so nice..." "I felt the mailbox digging into my back..." "And then he held me..." "Firmly, in a very manly way." "I was just..." "But that's wrong." "A friend mustn't kiss like that." "Absolutely not." "Phone him and tell him that." " Are you crazy?" " I'll call him." " We're best friends." " Don't you dare!" "Ula... for God's sake!" "First he says that..." "And then he..." "I don't know." "Tell me, what should I do?" "You think too much." "I know, you've been through hell, but that's not a good reason to waste your life chances." "Who knows if it's really a chance?" "Do you have a choice?" "I'd stick to this one." "You would?" "No doubt about it." "What?" "I agreed..." "to have dinner together." " Wait!" " See ya!" " Where are you going?" " Out." " That I can see." "But where?" " To Martha's place." "Be back by eleven o'clock." "Eleven a.m., right?" "What?" " You'll spend the night elsewhere?" " I will." " Why?" " 'Cos you're sleeping at home." " Naturally." " With a man." " Tosia!" " Have fun!" "I won't tolerate such innuendo..." "You invited a man over." "You're wearing nail polish." "You bought red lace underwear, and you didn't ask me about my homework." "That reeks of sex." "I won't spoil your chance." "Have fun!" "One piece of advice:" "In the modern world shaving is a must." "I know that!" "Not only the legs." " You mean...?" " Unfortunately." "Bravo!" "You proved that if a woman want something, she will get it." "Hello." "You did a great thing when you showed your husband the door!" " He showed it to me." " Stop it!" "It was your decision!" "Stop denying it," " or I'll stop respecting you." " For telling the truth?" "About being abused by a man!" "Don't look for another guy." "Never ever." " Hello." " Hi!" "I came earlier in case you needed help with that supper." "The gate was open, so..." "I overrated you." "No, don't walk me back." "I can cope." "I always do!" " Those are for you." " Hi." "Thank you." " Let me help you." " Ingredients for my soup." "The pots are on the stove." "Sex can be fun." "It can be so much fun." "So, so, so much fun." "All right, relax!" "We are... ouch!" "We're adults." "It happens..." "It's perfectly normal for two adults to have dinner, and then to have sex." "Some adults... with some other..." " With some other..." " Adults." " Right?" " Right as hell!" "There are crumbles everywhere." " So what?" " That doesn't bother you?" " Let me check." " Aren't you warm?" " Shall we open a window?" " No." "You said "by eleven", and here I am." "You trained me to be so frigging punctual." " I'm Antonina." " Adam." "Hello!" "Judith, I'm counting on you." "We're getting more and more letters!" " Even from men." " Amazing:" "Some men aren't afraid to say they don't know something." " Your sharp little tongue..." " Yes?" "It's... exciting, you know?" "And recently I could see you in a totally new light." "Do you like candlelight?" "How about a little dinner?" "We could discuss your... position in our office" "and other things..." "Twenty years of draught, and suddenly an epidemic." "There's a lot to choose from:" "Adam, your boss, Mr Blue..." "What Mr Blue?" "The one with the blue statonery." "Zakrzewski." " You're a moron!" " You planned to date him." "He's a whacko." "Out of choice." "And I'm not interested in men." "Unless it's for sex." "They're good for sex." "Some of them, anyway." "Especially one of them." "But for a longer run I need a knight in a shining armor." "When you love, love a prince." "When you steal, steal millions." "An ambitious plan." "Be more specific." "What?" "Ula..." "I've fallen in love." "Yeah, I have fallen in love." "For ever, till death, for the whole lifetime!" "Listen!" ""Those little insects..." "are wingless creatures, with fish-shaped bodies." "They love places that are damp places that are damp, warm and dark." "Such as bathrooms, sink cupboards." "If they're too numerous," " try using poison." " Poor little creatures." " Tosia is upstairs." " Nope." "She went to visit a friend." "But she'll be back." "No." "They went to the cinema." " She doesn't have money." " She got some!" "Wait!" "What time does the movie begin?" " We've got two hours." " They should make longer films!" "You'll have time to work." "I'm leaving" " on a 3-day business trip." " What?" "!" " I protest!" " I'll bring you a gift." "I'll bring you a gift from every trip." "You have your ways..." "You must promise me something." " Promise!" " I do." "No matter what it is." "When you go to the office, check your e-mail." "I thought you were going to propose..." " Promise!" " Why are you asking me this?" "You'll see." "Now, promise!" "I promise!" "I promise!" "Hi, Mom!" "Hi, Dad!" " We gotta talk." " That's right." " I couldn't believe it." " Neither could I." " Let's get inside." " Let's." "But... wait!" "What is it all about?" "What?" " What's this?" " And this?" "Cologne and a razor." " I know that!" " Be calm!" "You're right." "We must be calm." "So you're fond of men's cologne and use that to shave your legs?" " Say "yes"." " No." "In that case a man sleeps here." " Sometimes." " With the child in the house?" " No, with me." " You know what she meant!" " He sleeps with you?" " He's there" " when I wake up." " And you're so calm about it?" "I'm trying to stay calm, though it makes me very excited." " And she is vulgar." " Is that what we taught you?" "I'm 38!" " That's right." " And Tosia's 16." "And Adam is 40." "What's the use for this math?" "You don't want to understand, huh?" "If I understood, I could start worrying and do something stupid, like dumping Adam." "I will never do that." "Because I'm happy!" "Get it?" "Happy!" "There's no need to shout." "Does Tosia like him?" "Very much." "Aren't you going to offer us tea?" "We come with a visit, and you won't let us in." " Let me check my mailbox." " You can't." " Why?" " The server's down." " Then get it back up!" " That will take at least an hour." "An hour?" "Sometimes an hour seems an age." "Sometimes 18 years are not enough." "A card sent from Sweden 18 years ago has just reached its destination." "The man waited for so long." "He must have loved the sender." " Time's up." " I said "at least an hour"." " It's been two hours." " So what?" "Are you expecting a love letter?" "Know what?" "Get yourself stuffed!" "It's so pretty!" "I promised I'd bring you a gift." "A man who keeps his word." "A miracle!" "You gave me a promise, too." " Did you check your mail?" " I did." "And?" "And everything is all right." "You don't know how happy I am." "You want to talk about it?" "What for?" "It's all clear, isn't it?" ""You look so pretty"." ""Judith, you look very pretty"." ""You look wonderful"." "Thomas?" "Hi." "You do look marvellous!" "For a long time now..." "You see, our breaking up..." "There was no reason for doing it." "She said the kid isn't mine." "I gave him my name..." "And the apartment..." "To cut a long story short..." "She fooled me." "We used to be so happy once..." "Maybe we could..." "No." "That was the voyage of his dreams." "The Amazon..." "He gave it up and said that one day we'll go there together." "We have planned everything." "Such as?" "I won't have to cook him lunch, or clean the bathroom after he uses it," "I won't touch his razor unless I run out of my own blades," "I can wear his green shirt..." "It suits me better anyway." "And he won't go through the data in my computer..." "And he will never lie to me." "Those are the... most important points." "But you said: "No men." "Never ever"." " You said they're all the same." " Ula, come on..." "He is so unlike all the others..." "A machine for making good, strong coffee" " is a must in each household." " No way." " And tiny cups." " Big mugs!" "No!" "I'll fight for them like one fights for independence." "So I didn't make you coffee that was decent?" "No, I drank wonderful coffee with a woman, whom I probably..." " I'll kill you for that "probably"." " But first let's buy the cups." "At least six of them." "Here." "Okay, just two of them." "My gosh... tiny little cups." "Why am I agreeing to do that?" "Because you're a wise woman." "You even managed to get Leon Zakrzewski on your side." " Whom?" " Leon Zakrzewski." "What's wrong, Judith?" "We've made an agreement." "You promised not to touch my notebook." " But..." " There are no "buts"." " That's it then!" " Judith..." "I can't be with a man who lies to me." " But you said..." " Never again." " But you said..." " Take your cups." "And get out of my life." "Immediately!" "All right, then." "I'll disappear." "But you are the cheating one here!" "Maybe there is an explanation for all those things..." "If you'd let him speak." "I'm starting a new life." "God damn it!" "Over and over again..." "Phone, Internet, cable!" "True life begins." "All right, you're depressed." "But look at the bright side." "We're in contact with the world again!" "You could call the Samaritans for cheated women." " I'm downloading your mail." " Whatever." "Okay." "He turned out to be a jerk." "That's men's speciality." "Be grateful for all the excitement." "A woman your age..." "Think about it." "14 new messages?" "Have you ever" " checked your mail?" " I did, theoretically." "7 from the same person." "Get lost." "I need to read them in peace." " Go to your room." " But I wanted..." "Go to your room." ""I've met a wonderful woman." "Her name's Judith." "What should I do to keep her?" "Adam"." ""Judith, I wrote to you as Leon Zakrzewski"." "Oh shit!" ""Let's give it one more try." "I'm waiting until Wednesday night." "If you don't come, I'll go away." "Adam"." "You dumb cow!" "Ula!" "Are you sure what you are doing?" " No." " Take the phone." "Oh, rats!" "You need to fill her up!" "Hi." "I'll be back in three months, if I'm not eaten by piranhas." "Hi." "I've run out of gas." "On the new bridge." "It doesn't matter now." "I hate that bridge!" "Judith?" " Yes?" " Will you marry me?" "Never ever!" "I love you!" " Will you marry me?" " Never ever!" "I love you!" "I love you!" "DIRECTED BY" "WRITTEN BY" "DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY" "MUSIC COMPOSED BY" "Subtitles:" "ITI Film Studio Text:" "Elzbieta Galazka-Salamon"