"The ultimate aim of any hotel is to be fully booked." "...every day, every week, for every month of the year." "For those of us who work in them, the only good hotel is a full one." "We have absolutely nothing available until after the weekend, madam." "Not because it needs money." "That's for the management and the accountants to worry about." "We love a full hotel because when a hotel is busy time for the workers passes a lot quicker." "Two veal, one risotto, one beef." "And this time, let's get the dishes on the table." "...before the customers are heading home to their baby-sitters, okay?" "But when it's slow, you have time on your hands." "Hello, Neville, it's Tony." "Yeah, can you put me 50 quid each-way on..." "And with time on your hands, it's hard to stay focussed on the job." "And that's a real problem for management." " I should go." " You sure about that?" "Mmm." "In half an hour I've got to explain to the board." "why I haven't booked any big events over the last two weekends." "And why, as a result, we're £150,000 down on the last quarter." "Yeah, but it's not your fault there haven't been any functions, is it?" "I'm the boss now." "Everything is my fault." "Well, I already told you what a good cure for stress is." "And I told you, we really don't have any time." "Oh, you're a nightmare!" "I really, really need to concentrate." " All right." "And am I being distracting?" " Yes." "A weekend without at least one major function." "...is a financial disaster for a big hotel." "Poor Charlie." "What he needs right now is what we all need." "A miracle." "Charlie!" "You're not going to believe this." "It's incredible!" "It's a miracle!" "Wow!" "Donald Stern is the most powerful hotelier in London." "This isn't just any function." "This is the society event of the year." "Naomi Stern is the heiress to the Stern fortune." "...and Earl Archer is a multi-millionaire and I've secured their wedding at Hotel Babylon this weekend." "Does it get any better than that?" "It's great news, Emily, but you should have informed me." "And while we're at it, why does Donald Stern." "want his daughter's wedding here." "when he owns three of the biggest hotels in London?" "Oh, he booked the Compton but when Naomi found out she went ballistic, apparently." "I mean, who wants their special day in a hotel they grew up in?" "I take it that you haven't informed any of the other departments." "Well, it's not as if we have any other functions in the hotel this weekend." " We have a book launch." " Oh, right, yeah." "Millionaire dietary guru Brad Shelford's book." "...on healthy eating and clean living." "How much money do you think he's going to spend at the bar?" "I managed to get hold of Lizzie and she's in France." "So we haven't got a wedding planner." "I can handle it." "This is exactly why I was brought here, to get this place talked about." " Oh, really?" " Yes." "Think about the newspaper and TV coverage, think about the money." " What's with all the paps outside?" " We're expecting a big celeb?" "I suppose all this is down to you as well." " I might have made a couple of calls." " I haven't sanctioned anything yet." "With a number one event in the hotel, it would give you an easier ride." "...in the board meeting this morning, wouldn't it?" "Sound Anna out." "See if she's up for it." " It's okay, you don't have to say it." " What?" "Thank you, Emily." "If this goes pear-shaped, it'll be your head on the block." "Understood?" " Mmm-hmm." " All right." "Get a snap, lads." "Brad Shelford." "B-R-A-D." "Anything I tell you to do, you do it." "No questions asked." "The Sterns are used to the best of the best." "...and that's exactly what we're going to give them." "I know these people, Emily." "I understand perfectly what's required." "Thank you." "Of course you do." "Now, let's go over an itinerary." " Hope to see you soon." " You will." "There's no need to drag that much carcass around." "Just five minutes with me and her life will be changed." "Guaranteed!" " You must be Mr Shelford." " And guest." " Here for the book launch?" " Bingo!" "Not a bad pap turnout, eh?" "Oh, they're actually here for Naomi Stern's wedding." "Ah, well, they got a bonus with us turning up, didn't they?" " You're in room 913." " Oh, thank you." "I'd like to see someone ASAP about my dietary requirements." "Okay, I'll let the restaurant manager know." "And I asked for the mini-bar to be emptied." "You know, just one snack can send you back." "Mind over fatter." " Good night at the tables, Otto?" " What do you think?" "Uh, friendly warning." "You've got the day from hell coming your way courtesy of your friend Emily." "I just want to say thank you so much for putting my name forward to Emily." "If I weren't so busy right now, I'd be showing you just how grateful I am." "So, when you're in that meeting with those stuffy businessmen..." "I want you to think of me naked, getting down on my knees grabbing your..." "Contracts..." "The people." "...in hotels who, um..." "Work and..." "Well, that livened up a rather dull meeting." "I just wanted to say thank you." "Actually, I did have an ulterior motive for recommending you to Emily." " I want you to watch her for me." " Why?" "Because she never plays anything straight." "And I need someone that I can trust keeping an eye on her." "Anything happens unusual, anything at all, you come to me, okay?" "Mmm." "Otto." "Once again virtuoso ingenuity triumphs over plodding ineptitude." " Oh, I was just doing my job." " Let's hope it catches on." "The Stern wedding is the kind of event that you and I were born to manage." " Abso-bloody-lutely." " Any thoughts on the menu?" "Well, I think it might be time to unleash." "...the full array of my incomparable talents, don't you?" "I thought something simple, yet sublime." "How about a starter of lobster and caviar?" "Sautéed fois gras." "Sauterne jelly." "Followed by poached turbot in a Champagne and sea urchin velout." "Topped off with white chocolate mousse, poached cherries and gold leaf." " Oh, God, you're good." " No, we're good." "Oh!" "I thought they were coming later." "Ring Jackie, we need to sort out the rooms." "I'll send word to the kitchen." "We anywhere near ready, Tony?" " Not even close." " Well, let's look as though we are." "How the hell did they find us so quickly?" "We only left the Compton 20 minutes ago." "I'll deal with that." "Mr Stern, I'm Charlie Edwards, manager of the hotel." "Heard a lot about you, Charlie." "Good to meet you." "I'm actually a huge admirer of yours." "...and it's a pleasure to welcome you to Hotel Babylon." "No, it isn't." "It's a pain in the arse... 'cause you're all gonna be buzzing around like blue-arsed flies." "...for the rest of the weekend!" "But I appreciate the professional courtesy." "Well, I can assure you we'll make it a weekend to remember." "Wow!" "Oh, Earl's going to love this place." "Makes the Compton look positively stuffy." "It's perfect." "Perfect place for my perfect wedding." "Let me introduce you to my daughter and bride-to-be..." " Naomi." " How do you do?" "To be honest, I can't wait to get her off my hands." "Oh, Daddy!" "Is this more what you had in mind, Helena?" "You know me, Donald." "As long as there's a bar, I'm happy." "Well, we're delighted you chose our hotel to have your wedding in." " Emily!" "Emily, how are you?" " Hi." "Helena!" "She's made me the maid of honour." "The irony is totally lost on her." " Thanks for sorting this." " Oh, glad to be of help." "So, it's obviously not some happy accident that you've chose the hotel." "No, the three of us were at school together." "I take it it wasn't Moss Side Comprehensive." "No, we were in the same house at Roedean." "Ah!" "Roedean." "Listen, while we're organising your room can I find you somewhere quiet to wait?" "I'm gonna talk to Charlie." "Sort out a few details, man to man." " Sounds terrifying." " Come on." " You got a special one there, Charlie." " Haven't we just." "The key to doing last-minute is to keep everything of the highest quality." " But simple." " I'll pass it on." "It's my little girl's wedding day!" "And I probably spoil her but I want it to be as perfect as we can make it." "Absolutely, I understand." "So, tell me to back off if I start treading on anyone's toes." "It's just that Earl Archer is very young very rich, very American." "And he expects the best." "So, tell your staff no corner cutting no make-do, no slapdash." "I know every trick in the book, and I'll have their guts for garters." "You'll be second in line behind me, Mr Stern." "Call me Donald." "I like you, Charlie, you're straightforward." "No airs and graces like some of the punters in this business." "You can count on me, Donald." "I nearly went to Roedean." "...but my father insisted that I was educated locally." "Just think, we could have all been classmates." "Imagine know how crazy that would have been!" "Imagine." "We found rooms on the 9th floor for all the wedding party." "How did you clear the other guests?" "I told them Russian diplomats had been staying in the rooms yesterday." "If you'd like to calmly follow the other guests... we'll have your luggage cleansed, packed and delivered directly to your new hotel." "Thank you." "Ah, the old polonium-210 trick." "Works every time." "We clear entire floor in seven minutes." "James, is the restaurant going to be ready in time for the rehearsal dinner?" "Didn't you say you wanted it ready by 7:00?" " Yes." " Then it'll be ready by 7:00." "A rehearsal dinner, what's that?" "Where they practise their lines or something?" "It's an American thing." "It's where the guests and the family." "...all get to meet each other before the big day, isn't that right, Emily?" "I wouldn't want to get my etiquette wrong, show my ignorance." "If we all pull together, we can make this weekend work." "And if it works, I promise you Hotel Babylon will never look back." "What would we do without you?" "My priority is the improvement of this hotel." "I started that process by bringing Otto here." "...and I will continue it with this wedding." "If anyone has a problem then they can speak to me..." "I'm sure everybody is as keen as you to make the wedding work, Emily." "Now, given that you're all working this weekend..." "I'm going to be introducing the trunk system." "Nobody uses the trunk any more." "We're going to put all tips into a central fund." "...and then divvy them out at the end of the weekend." "Given the class of guests, I'm sure there'll be plenty to go around." " So who's going to hold the kitty, then?" " You want me to do it?" "I think it would be better if it was somebody who could count." "Not you either, you skinflinty prick." "All right, I'll do it." "With all due respect, my darling, the only person you look out for." "when it comes to money is yourself." "Guys, it has to be someone we all trust." "Great, looks like we all agree." "As soon as the book launch is finished... we have to clear the entire bar area, ASAP." "Okay." "Yes, right." "Excuse me, I'm looking for the Sterns." " You're Earl Archer!" " Yes, I know." "Anna Thornton-Wilton." "I saw the article in last month's Vanity Fair on you." "I had no idea that you donated so much money to the famine relief and to the landmine victims..." " Well, you know, you do what you can." " Oh, thank you." "And it also said that you've got houses in London and New York." "...and Paris and Dubai." "I mean, wow!" "You wouldn't be angling for a little job here, would you?" "Well, you never know what's around the corner." " Anna." " Yes." "Actually, this weekend my job is to look after your gorgeous bride-to-be." "Mr Archer, I'm Emily, head of PR and your wedding planner." "Yeah, I'm her assistant." "Would you like to go up and see Naomi or should I call her down here?" "Well, let's see, do I wanna hang out in this Vegas-style crap-shooting hall." "...and get a migraine or do I wanna go up and see the girl that I love?" "It's a tough decision." "Donald, how's it going?" "Stressed, anxious, harassed." "And that's just Naomi." "Perhaps she'll calm down now that you're here." "You should have told her we were keeping the wedding at the Compton it would have saved us all a little grief." "You got a lot to learn about women, Earl." "Or maybe you have a lot to learn about your daughter." "You over indulge her, Don, you always have." "How's the Brunswick?" "Brian treating you well?" "Yeah, it's good." "It'll do till we get to the Seychelles." "So, if you're marrying his daughter, you can talk to Mr Stern like that." "Is it true he's worth $5 billion?" "Well, if he is, it doesn't buy class." "No." "Some people are just not classy." "A top class wedding in a five-star London hotel." "...can cost you around £200,000." "Whatever your requirements, we'll accommodate them." "Nothing's beyond our means." "And nothing is too much trouble." "You pay and we'll supply." "And what better place to have your big day." "...than in a fully-stocked, fully-functional castle of dreams?" "Put your big day in our hands." "...and you can guarantee yourself a wedding to remember." "And if you're happy, then so are we." "And the happier you are, the deeper you'll dig." "And the deeper you dig, the happier we are." "USA 3, England a stingy 1." "Excellent." "I'll put it with the rest." "Oh, keep an eye on the doormen." "I'm sure I saw a couple of them palm some money just now." " Ben." " Yeah?" "Uh, just remember if any of that trunk goes missing it's you we're bundling into the back of an unmarked van." " Thanks, Tony." " No problem." "But what's most important is." "...a fuller understanding, permanence, and stability in your loss." "This is Brad Shelford." "To those of you about to diet..." "I salute you." "I'm not surprised the Sterns chose my restaurant for this evening's dinner." "It's got class written all over it." "It look like a Neapolitan brothel to me." "Then you'll feel right at home, won't you, Gino?" "I wouldn't waste too much time on the surroundings, gentlemen." "Once they start tucking into my fine cuisine they won't give a damn where they are." "That menu should be framed and hung in the Tate." "I need to know what wine do you want, eh?" "Would you mind if I see what they're eating first, you Appennino bumpkin." " How are you?" " Okay, yeah, fine." "Excuse me." "Here you go." "Excuse me." "Mr Shelford, I'm James Schofield, the restaurant manager." "Ah, James, excellent." "I understand that you have some dietary requests." "...that you'd like to talk through." " I do indeed, James." " I'm available at your request." "Just give the word and we can go through the menus together." " Oh, appreciate it, mate." " Well, no, the pleasure's all mine." "What can you possibly have to say to that anti-food fascist?" "Oh, he has some worries about the menus." "I said I'd be happy to discuss them with him." "Oh, but you hate it when guests make silly food requests." "No, I hate it when some plebeian amoeba." "wants his chicken nuggets fried in low fat oil." "Mr Shelford is an entirely different class of guest." "Who is this Shelford guy?" "Well, he drives a 997 Cabriolet." "I can tell you that much." "Then what's he got that I haven't got?" "Million pound book deal." "Mmm." "Earl, it is a really good opportunity." "Particularly if you're looking to establish yourself in Europe." "Do you mind if we don't talk about this right now?" "A lot of competitors are looking at this particular market." "In case you haven't noticed, I'm getting married tomorrow." "Oh, don't worry, I've noticed." "Sweetheart?" "Earl, come and say hello to one of my oldest friends." "If you could make a few enquiries, that would be great, mate." "No, just call it a gut instinct." "Have you seen Emily?" "Working the room, apparently." "Excuse me." "Dinner was lovely, thank you." "Sir, there's really no need to..." "Thank you." "But I thought he was joking." "Especially as he was just standing there in his ankle socks." "Did you want something?" "Well, yes, these arrived for the bride." "I think they may be shoes." "Well, I hardly need them now, do I?" "Right, so what would you like me to do with them, then?" "Well, why don't you take it up to the room." "...and check if Jackie has sorted out all the flower arrangements?" "Okay." "Emily keeping you busy?" "Oh, yes." "Yes, I'm running around like a headless chicken... while she just sits there laughing and drinking like Lady Muck." "And now I have to take this up to the delightful bride's suite." " Mmm." "If you need a hand..." " Why, are you offering?" " Don't tempt me." " Why not?" "Because I probably couldn't resist." "What are you doing fraternising with the guests?" "My job." "It may look like I'm enjoying myself but what I'm actually doing is working." "Making sure that everyone else is having a good time." "Because if everyone has a good time, then they come back to the hotel and if they come back to the hotel, the hotel makes money." "It's nothing to do with the fact that these are all your old friends?" " Of course not." " Okay." " Everything okay?" " Oh, yeah, yeah." " You on for the party?" " I'd love to but I can't..." "Ah!" "Another successful launch." "A lesser man could get tired of this." " I'm going to powder my nose." " Right you are, sweet cheeks." "Lovely girl." "Yeah." "She has her uses." "Hmm." "I used to be married, you know." "Oh, yes." "Eight stone heavier, two kids, three-bed semi, the lot." "Now, living the dream, my friend." "You are a big success." "Beautiful girl, beautiful car, beautiful life." "What's the secret?" "All my secrets are in here, Gino." "Hey." "Thank you very much." "Mr Shelford." "I have taken the liberty of marking on the menu." "where we might adapt some of the dishes to suit you." "Oh, thank you, James." "I'm afraid most people fail to appreciate the fundamental fact." "...that what you put into your body is exactly what you get out." "Absolutely." "My body is my temple." "Yes." "But sadly, the worshippers are somewhat thin on the ground." " I thought here..." " Excuse me." "Uh..." "Time for bed, lads." "He's living the dream." "Oh!" "Mmm." "It's a bit big." " Good night." " Bound to be, eh?" "You ready?" "Hello, Mrs Edwards." "Oh, yes!" "You took your time." "Little bit slow on the uptake." "Is this what you've been thinking about all day, getting me alone in a bedroom?" "Yeah, the thought had crossed my mind." "What?" " Nothing." "Just missed you a little bit." " Yeah?" "Oh, I should put this back." "You wait your whole life for your big day." "...and it has to be perfect, doesn't it?" "Yeah, I suppose so." " Charlie, don't get any ideas." " Too late." "Have you ever been close to getting married?" "What's so funny?" "No, no, nothing." "I have never thought about getting married." "Why, have you?" "No, no one's ever been rich enough." "Think back to all of your girlfriends has there ever been anyone you thought you could marry?" "Well, interesting." "Hmm..." "Eve was..." "No, she had a kid." "Her mum was a nightmare." "Charlie." "No." "My parents were divorced when I was 10." "It was horrendous." "And any of my other friends that have succumbed to getting married." "...end up living in a two-up two-down with a cat and a goldfish." "...and absolutely nonexistent sex life." "I couldn't survive like that." " You're not taking me seriously." " I am taking you seriously." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "I'm taking you so seriously that I promise you." "I will never ruin what we have by asking you to marry me." "I should go before this gets out of hand." "Mmm." " Am I going to see you later?" " Yeah, maybe." "Okay." "Welcome to Weight-Shedders." "Are you ready to change your life?" "Bring it on, big boy." "Time for Gino to live the dream." "Are you going out?" "I've been looking forward to getting out on the town in London." "...for a month and a half." "You know that." " And what am I supposed to do?" " What you always do." "Stay in." "What?" "Again?" "You're the one with the strict diet and fitness routine, sweetheart, not me." "Carla!" "Can't we just have one night in together, eh?" "Not when I've got Mayfair on my doorstep." " Do you love me?" " I'm still here, aren't I?" "I thought I said the most you could spend on a necklace was five grand." "You've spent eight and another three on a ring!" "You want me to look my very best for you, don't you?" " I'm not bloody made of money." " Don't start." "There's a good boy." "Not good for the blood pressure, remember?" "Be a sweetheart and lend me some money for tonight." " Lend?" " Give, then." "When you're feeling down, look at them." "Thank your lucky stars you are where you are now." "Come in." "Mr Shelford, it's James Schofield." "Oh!" "James." "We didn't get a chance to talk about breakfast." "I hoped we could get it organised before you turned in for the night." "Right." "Um..." "Do you think we could do that some other time?" "Yes." "Yes, of course." "Is everything all right?" "Yeah, just a long day." "Well, I would just like to say on a personal level that." "I'm thrilled that you chose to have your London book launch." " At Hotel Babylon." " Thank you, James." "I hope you appreciate what an inspiration you are." "It's always good to meet a proper fan." "Well, more of a grateful acolyte, really." "You helped me through a very difficult time in my life." " Did I?" " Yes." "Yes, you did." "So if there's anything I can do for you, anything at all, please." " No." "No, I'll be fine." "Thank you." " Good." ""My biggest vice is macaroni cheese." ""Actually, cheese generally." "Avoid cheese." ""and I can achieve my target weight of twelve and a half stone. "" "I e-mail this to all the hotels in London, eh?" "Oh, you don't think it's being a bit cruel?" "Come on, he needs to have his bubble burst." "I think it's hysterical." "Yeah." "Now, wherever he goes, all skinny, tall and stuck-up people only see Mr Blobby." "Ironic, eh?" "Diligently handing over my crew's hard-earned cash." "when I would be better off keeping it in my own pockets." " It's not what it looks like." " I don't blame you, Ben." "I mean, if they paid you enough in the first place you wouldn't have to find ways to make a little bit extra, right?" " I put it back." " Why?" "You obviously have some use for it." "The ironic thing is, I was actually gonna ask you a favour." "A favour that involves a small exchange of cash." " I don't see how I can help." " Well, allow me to enlighten you." "I've got a particularly hectic weekend coming up." "My business manager's in France and I can't get hold of any ready cash." " Three grand should cover it." " Are you insane?" " I can't lend you that kind of money." " It's three grand, Ben." "It's nothing." "Well, not to you maybe." "So you can't help me but you can help yourself, is that it?" "You better start building the gallows and buying some rope." "...because when I tell your workmates what you've been doing." "...they're going to string you up." " You wouldn't tell them." " Try me." " I can't." " Fine." "Wait." "Congratulations on coming to your senses." "I hope you've got plenty of cheese in that sandwich, James?" "What?" "I said, I hope there's plenty to please in that sandwich." "Either he suffers from short-term memory loss." "...and can't remember anything from one order to the next or he's feeding Venezuela from his hotel suite." "What is it?" "The guy in room 913 has ordered every room service main course." "I'm glad I'm not cooking it." "Let me see that." " Job getting to you?" " No, just the personnel." "You know, there've been endless complaints about noise." "...on the 9th floor." "Loud music, shouting." "People are asking to be moved." " Jackie is not happy." " Where is Emily?" "She swanned upstairs with the bride and the rest of the girls." "Does she ever do any work?" "Here we go again." "Reception." "Yes, we are dealing with the problem, madam." "Another night out on the town with the B-listers?" " Sour grapes, Tony?" " No need to shout." "When he worked at the Connaught Rooms he used to borrow money off the sous chefs." "...and then blow it on the tables every night." "He was earning a hundred times what they were never paid the poor sods back." "If there's one thing that the Yanks do better than almost anyone, it's tip." "This is for the trunk." "How is the total?" " It's not great." " What?" "Everyone but Donald Stern's been tipping like there's no tomorrow." " Tone?" " Yeah." " You seen Anna knocking about?" " She was here a second ago." "I've been doing some preliminary poking around." "...and there's definitely a very dodgy smell." "Mmm." "Well, I'm gonna get off for a couple of hours..." "I've got some bits and bobs to do." "If you hear anything, give me a bell." " Okay." " All right." "I'm looking for Emily." " Anyone called Emily here?" "No." "Emily has left the building." "I'm getting married in 10 hours." " Is she okay?" " She's having a fantastic time." " Aren't you, Naomi?" " Ten hours and whoo-hoo!" "Whoo!" "Don't you think you ought to take it down a few notches?" "I don't want to take the bride to have her stomach pumped in the morning." "She'll be getting a second wind soon." "Plus there have been complaints about the noise." "How do I look?" "Is this a party or what?" "Let's take it to the streets." "Ooh." "God!" "What's going on?" "This is the fourth room that's asked to be moved." "We came here for a nice, quiet, romantic weekend break." " Oh, is it an anniversary or..." " Oh, we're not married, dear." "Not to each other anyway." "What do you think you're doing?" "Put the fire extinguisher down now, Emily." "Oops." "Let's go and find our room and get out of these wet things." "Emily!" "Oh, good for you, James." "I've heard of falling off the wagon, James, but that's ridiculous." "Come in." " What are you doing back?" " I was in the kitchens." "...and I sensed a crisis point was being reached." "Will the young lady be joining you?" "Or do you intend eating all of this yourself?" "She left." "She got what she wanted for the night, namely money, and headed out." "So what?" "You thought you'd eat yourself into a stupor, is that it?" " What else have I got?" "Everyone's gone." " Not quite everyone." " What's the point of it all, James?" " Stand up." "Do you remember what you wrote in your first book?" ""When you're feeling lost, count your blessings, not the cost. "" "Yeah, but..." "At your heaviest time, did you ever dream." "...that one day you could look like this?" ""Goal achieved is a joy received. "" "And you've achieved all your goals, Brad, and more." "This bleak feeling is just a momentary loss of focus." ""If you're feeling lost, count your blessings, not the cost. "" "Exactly!" "Feeling better?" " Much." " So..." "What would you like me to do with this lot?" "You can remove the trolleys." "I will leave you the low-cal tuna salad and a summer berry smoothie." " Good night, Brad." " Good night, James." "Thank you." "Yes?" " Hello, sweetheart." " Who is it?" " It's me." " Brad, is that really you?" "It's Brad." "Stop!" "Back!" "Emily?" "You will let me out of here right now or I promise you you will be leaving this hotel faster than you can say the word mistisle." "I have never been threatened by a toilet roll before." "Do not laugh at me." "I'm a person of position, of standing..." "That's handy, I was just about to tell you to sit down and shut up." "How dare you?" "You're drunk, you look like a nightmare and you're heading for a hangover from hell." " So I suggest you just stay there." " I want to go and see my friends." " You're not going anywhere, young lady." " You really need to sleep it off." "We'll make your excuses to the rest of your party." "...and make sure no one comes in here until..." "Morning." "She is so wasted." "Goodbye ice maiden, hello Oliver Reed." "You think she'll remember any of this in the morning?" "Well, if she doesn't, she'll definitely have us to remind her." "Although we should probably keep this to ourselves..." "I don't think Charlie would be too happy if he finds out." "Actually, knowing Charlie, I think he'd be pretty amused." "Is that before or after he sacked her?" " Can I ask you something?" " About Charlie?" " Yeah." " Depends what it is." "When you guys were together, did you ever think that, um..." "Like that things could become more long term?" "Charlie?" "No." "Don't get me wrong." "I think he's an amazing guy, but in terms of anything more forget it." "What is she doing in empty room scaring people?" "She's sleeping off a hangover." "Tanya, get back to work and please don't mention this to anyone." "Do you think that we can trust her to not tell anyone?" "I think we can trust it to be around the hotel staff." "...in the next minute and half." "I feel terrible." "Hey, you got five hours sleep." "I caught two on a staff-room sofa and Anna had to make do with an armchair." "And Charlie's on his way and so we need to make you look presentable." "Have we six hours and a makeover team?" "Yeah, maybe the Andrex puppy look isn't the one to go for today." "I did manage to find you some fresh clothes." "Mmm." "I just wanted to spend some time with my friend Naomi." "I know it's your job to look after the guests but don't you think you took it a little bit too far?" "Mmm." "Naomi's practically family." "My dad and Donald Stern were business partners way back." " Who's your father?" " Damien Rushby." ""The" Damien Rushby?" "It was the Rushby Hotels that inspired me to come into this business." "He was the first person who saw true potential in me." "And he promoted me to a very important position within the hotel." "Really?" "What was that?" " Acting assistant bedroom executive." "Yeah." "We've all been chambermaids." "...in our school holidays, Anna." "You know, if he was my father, I wouldn't bother working for a living." "No, I don't want any handouts, especially not from him." "I'm gonna take that bath." " Thank you." " Yeah, whatever." "What?" "I can't go in there." "They're all going to hate me." "Don't worry." "If anyone gives you attitude, they have us to deal with." " Right, Anna?" " Right." "Ah, I'll just get something to eat from the kitchens." "You Gouda to go, James!" " Ricott-a lot to talk about!" " What?" " Go, while there's Stilton!" " Cheese!" " They're clapping." " I think they're just glad to see." "...that you're as fallible as the next person." "And as the next person is you, Anna, that's pretty damn fallible." "Gino's special hangover cure." "Now, your hangover will get cured but you can't be more than 10 metres from a toilet for at least a week." "Take it easy at first, then build up to the bubble and squeak." "Okay, just dip in." "You think James tuck into his macaroni cheese like that?" "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "Mmm." "What are you doing?" "Oh." "James, meeting you seeing what keeping up this thin-man facade takes." "...made me realise something." " What?" " I can't be arsed any more." "Oh, Carla." "Excellent." "You're just in time to witness a man coming to his senses." " Who?" " Me." "So, if you could just pack your bags and be out of my room by." "10:00, that'd be great." " What about all my..." " I don't care." "Take whatever you want." "I'm not gonna need it." "See, James, you were right." "It was a momentary loss of focus." "Fact is, I was always much happier fat." "And once I realised that it was like this huge weight had been lifted off me shoulders." "I mean, how ironic is that, eh?" " They're here already." " You are joking." "Not any more, babe." "Oh, James, there'll be three more for breakfast." "And if there's any extra bacon..." "Hmm!" "Still on your winning streak?" " Morning." " Morning." "There were a lot of complaints last night." "Uh, yeah." "A couple of the wedding guests got a bit rowdy but we sorted it out eventually so..." " Everything okay?" " Yeah, everything's fine." " Morning, Charlie." " Morning, Emily." "You all right?" "Yeah, it was just a long night, that's all." "Anna, why don't I finish that for you and you take a break for an hour or so, recharge your batteries." " Sure you'll be okay?" " Yeah, I'll be fine." " Okay, thanks, Emily." " No, thank you." "What is this?" "Some kind of staff love-in?" "Just forging good relationships in the workplace, Charlie." "Talking of which, if you've got a break..." "Actually, like Emily said, it's been a really long night so I'm gonna go and put my feet up if that's okay." "Sure." "You wanted me to get back to you when I had something concrete on Donald Stern." "Absolutely." "Do you want the good news or the bad news?" " Go on." " Actually, there is only bad news." "This is a draft press release." "Gonna hit the media tomorrow." "Donald Stern has branched out into Eastern Europe." "He's built himself 10 holiday camps before he's realised." "...that the only holidays that the Serbs, Croatians and Bulgarians go on." "...are extended working ones over here." "His business is heading straight up the proverbial into liquidation." "He's trying to slip the wedding under the radar." "...before it all goes pear-shaped." "Right." "Let's keep this between me and you." "...until I have a chance to speak with Mr Stern." "Thank you." "Did you get the other night tips?" " Very disappointing." " Mind if I take a look?" " Why?" " Curiosity." "Does anyone else have access to the safe?" "Why?" "Because this is light, it's definitely light." "From the conversations I've had with people, the tips have been very good." "Well, just not as good as I thought they'd be." "I mean, you said yourself about Mr Stern, he's..." "Have you taken any money from here?" "You are joking." "Well, somebody certainly has." "Ben, I'm gonna ask you one more time, have you taken any money from the trunk?" "No." "All right." "Well, looks like I'm gonna have to call a staff meeting, then, doesn't it?" "Come in." "Shut the door." "Donald Stern's business is in trouble." "He's lost a lot of money on recent investments." "...and if he gets through the weekend." "without having a writ slapped on him, it will be a miracle." "So, what are we gonna do?" "Well, I'm gonna cancel the wedding arrangements." "Then I'm gonna ask Mr Stern and his party to leave." "We can scrape some of the money back by asking the guests." "who stayed last night to pay for their expenses and then there's the £44,000 deposit, so." "...that should cover most of our current outlay." "What?" "I waived the deposit." "Donald Stern's a family friend." "If you can't trust him then who can you trust?" "It's a shame you didn't ask yourself that question, Emily... when we opened our doors to him, isn't it?" "We can't cancel the wedding, Charlie." "The hotel needs events like this." "Yeah, and we can't haemorrhage any more money, we just have to cut our losses." "These people are rich, they talk to each other." "It's all about reputation." "If we pull this off, we become the place to get married at." "If we throw in the towel, we're no one." "That's all very well, but I still have 100 guests." "...expecting a six-course meal tonight with no money to pay for it." "Well, we can give them something, can't we?" "What do you suggest?" "The last thing they'd expect." "You said yourself that no one else had access to the safe... which means no one else was in a position to take anything." "Come on, Tony." "Ben wouldn't steal from us." "Just goes to show you never really know anyone, do you?" "It's a mistake." "Tell them, Ben." "You don't really need me here." "I've got a kitchen to run." "It is your money as well." "It's a piffling amount and it's not worth my time or energy." "It's not about how much, it's about honour and respect." "Have I just stepped into a bad remake of The Godfather?" "Did you take money, Ben?" " I did take some money." "Oh, Jesus." " What?" " I took £250." "What?" "Great." "He's broken under questioning." "You didn't even need to break out the thumb screws." "Can we all go now?" " What was it for, Ben?" " My gran's sick in Antigua." "My mum needs to fly out." "I was gonna use the money towards buying her a ticket." "Sorry I let everyone down." "But there's over three grand missing." "What about the rest?" " I can't say." " You're gonna have to." " I made a promise." " A promise to who?" "All right, look, we're obviously getting nowhere." "Come on." "Let me have a word with him outside." "Come on." "Thank you for coming down, Mr Stern." "We're leaving for the church in 20 minutes." "This better be good." "I'll be as quick as I can." "Please take a seat." " Can I get you a drink of tea?" " No." "Thanks." "Well, I don't quite know where to start." "I suggest you cut to the chase, Charlie." "According to this, as of this morning you've gone into liquidation." "Am I right?" "You knew this before you came here." "You used your relationship with Emily to secure your wedding at the hotel." "You also used it to waive your deposit, right?" "Anybody else in your party aware of what's going on?" " No." " Not your daughter?" "No." "Why weren't you straight with her?" "She would have understood." "It's not Naomi." "It's Earl." "I couldn't let him see me up on bricks." " Still can't." " Professional pride." "I'm in a financial slump, Charlie." "And I admit that being linked with the Archers." "...can only be of benefit to me, but..." "First and foremost, this is about a dad." "wanting the best possible wedding day." "...for his only daughter." "I've never seen her so happy." "Please, I beg of you, Charlie don't bring it all crashing down on her." "Where did the rest of the money go?" "I told you." "I made a promise." "You mean you were made to make a promise?" "Ben, how about I say a list of names." "...and you nod or shake your head accordingly." "Okay?" "Did Gino take the money?" "James?" "Otto?" "I want the three grand that you stole from the trunk fund." "What are you talking about?" "You forced Ben to give you three grand from the trunk." " I presume he told you that." " Well, what difference does it make?" "I'd just like to know which of you two I'm going to sue for slander." "You do have a history of this kind of thing, Otto." "Are you having a bad weekend at the tables?" "Doesn't exactly take a genius to work out what's happened." "Well, that's good news for you, then, isn't it, Tony?" "Where is the three grand?" "Spent." "Gone." "I can't believe all this bleating over a lousy three grand." "One night in the kitchen, I can make twice that." " Then why take it in the first place?" " Because I could." "Tony, put him down." "There's no point in arguing over the money." "...because it now belongs to the hotel." "What?" "We've got a major problem." "Donald Stern is unable to pay the bill." "What?" "Which means there'll be no wedding guests staying over." "...and the wedding supper is gonna have to be greatly reduced." "But I want maximum impact at minimum cost." "It also means reluctantly that in order to recoup some of the expenses..." "I'm gonna have to take the trunk." " Oh, Charlie." " Our trunk?" "I'm sure if Charlie is intending to deprive us of our hard-earned cash he's thought of a nice way of reimbursing us." " It's amazing." " Mr Stern, can I have a word, please?" "Thank you so much, Daddy." "This is the best day of my life." " How are you feeling?" " Better." "We've managed to divert the paparazzi from the front of the hotel." "...and we also leaked the wrong church." "I don't know how I can ever thank you." "Well, there is something that you can do." "It's not for me, it's for my staff." "Bloody Michelin star chef putting his name to this slop." "Otto, you work for the hotel, which means you do what the hotel needs." "And right now we need great, but cheap." "So muck in like everyone else." "And don't burn anything because you and Ben are scrubbing up the pots tomorrow." "You know what?" "I don't need this." "Otto Clark is written on a brass plaque outside they have got a commis chef cooking fish and bloody chips in the staff canteen." " Yes, well, once we get through today..." " I am out of here." "And if you've got any sense, you'll come with me." "You're too good for this place, Emily." " We're too good for it!" " I can't just walk out!" "Why not?" "Are you nailed to the floor?" " What..." "No." " This place is a dump." "It's not going to change no matter what you do." "You're wrong." "This place is going to be something special." "...because the people who work in it love their jobs and care about each other." " They're morons!" " Do you know what?" "It's people like you that give this industry a bad name." "Selfish, arrogant, egotistical bullies." "I want to be part of a team and from what I can see this is the best team in London." "Oh, God!" "Good luck." "You're going to need it." "A top class wedding in a five-star London hotel." "...can cost you around £200,000." "Nothing is beyond our means and nothing is too much trouble." "You pay and we will supply." "Yes." "At last, people appreciate you." " This isn't the menu I organised." " I'll explain everything later." "Isn't this fish and chips?" "And mushy peas." "Shabby chic." "What a fantastic idea!" "I couldn't agree more." "Put your big day in our hands." "...and you can guarantee a wedding to remember." "And the happier you are, the deeper you'll dig." "What we offer is a chance to fulfil your dreams." "But the providers of those dreams rarely become the receivers." "Bye." " You ready?" " My staff are waiting." "Give them the call, then." "Welcome to Hotel Babylon." "For the next two days, courtesy of your boss, Mr Stern you'll be running the place." "So, as from now, my staff are to be treated as guests." "Thank you." "Everyone likes to be indulged, especially when it's unexpected." "Or it's been hard-earned." "Thank you." "Neville?" "Hmm." "Can you put me 50 quid on the 2:30 at Kempton Park?" "Plucky Lad." "And what's the reward for?" "It's for being part of the team." "Mmm." "God." "The team is what it's all about." "Budge up." "I spy with my little eye something beginning with "D"." "The most important thing is that we look out for each other." "You didn't tell me that Emily is part of hotel aristocracy." "Oh, I'm sorry, I was going to." "And what really happened with the complaints?" "I told you, some guests were over-celebrating but we dealt with it." "Anna, did I say something before, upstairs?" "No, you just said what you thought." "Catch you later." "Hello, Tony's daughter Liz." " I've come for the auditions." " They're just auditions." "Tony, where have you been?" "Princess Scrunchie's huge." "You, you, my office." "Now." "People sometimes think we're sisters." " Gino!" "Gino!" " Ginelli!" "Oh, my God!" "There's two of them." "Do you really want to end up like one of these crazy kids?" "She's going down." " Problem?" " No, sir." "Good boy." "He's going up for the management job." " He's 12." " It's Prada." "So don't shit it up." "You're Mr Wright, not Dr Wright." "Oh!" "Mr Right!"