"# You woke up this morning #" "# Got yourself a gun #" "# Your momma always said you'd be the Chosen One #" "# She said you're..." "you're one in a million #" "# You've got to burn to shine #" "# But you were born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" "# When you woke up this morning #" "# And all that love had gone #" "# Your papa never told you about #" "# Right and wrong #" "# But you're..." "you're lookin' good, baby #" "# I believe that you're feelin' fine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" " # So sing it now # - # Woke up this morning #" "# Got a blue moon..." "got a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" "# You say you woke up this morning #" "# The world turned upside down #" "# Lordy, well, things ain't been the same #" "# Since the blues walked in our town #" "# But you're... but you're one in a million #" "# 'Cause you got that shotgun shine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" " # Uh-huh # - # And got yourself a gun #" " # Woke up this morning # - # Got yourself a gun #" " # Uh-huh # - # Got yourself a gun. #" "Ah, that's so funny!" "Ha ha." "No, it isn't!" "You just poked me in the eye!" "Well, you poked me first." "I can't find the thing." "Here." "I don't know what the fuck happened to the DeWalt." "Everything disappears around here." "Especially now that I'm outta the house." "She lets everything go." "Stop, stop, Uncle Tony!" "It's freezing cold!" "Uncle Tony, knock it off!" "She wants to talk to me about somethin'." "Thanks for havin' us up here, Ton'." "Don't put pine cones in the filter!" "The hell's the matter with you?" " Yo, Dad, he's hitting me!" " Hey, what did I say?" "They will probably go through their entire lives not knowing that their father's sperm was smuggled out of jail to get Nancy pregnant." "It was the least I could do." "I just remembered what happened to the power drill." "Pardon me?" "I loaned it to your cousin Brian." "And he never gave it..." " What's the matter?" " I don't know." "One of your attacks?" "No, it..." "I think it's just indigestion." "It's goin' away." " I had an attack... full blown." " What did your therapist say?" " I don't see her no more." " Why not?" "You think you're the only one that has to cut back on shit they need 'cause of the separation?" "Now, what's on your mind?" "Mr. Wegler wants us to come in and discuss" "AJ's lousy academic performance." "Is this the same Wegler?" "Last year... the riccion with the Billy Budds?" "AJ got him as a college advisor." "I told this kid to start crackin' the books." "Was he supposed to do that after he got back from the Nets game you took him to on a school night?" "It's gotta be hard for him, this situation with us." " Why don't you cut him some slack?" " That's your department." "I get to be the prison warden over here while you indulge him" " with the iPod, the drums..." " Again with the drums!" "Encourage extracurricular activity, you said." "Brand new drums, just like that?" "Don't even look in the classifieds." "Just tell me when the school meeting' is 'cause I don't have to listen to this shit anymore." "That's why we're separated!" "Are you kidding me, Tony?" "That is not why!" "Jase?" "Were you knocking?" "Hi, Lorraine." "I'm Billy." "What the fuck?" "Jason!" "Ow, no!" "Jason!" "Jason!" "Oh, no!" "You were warned, Lorraine." "The money goes up to John." "Fuck!" "Lorraine Calluzzo and the kid Jason." "Fuckin' Philly Leotardo!" "She told me he warned her about givin' us points of her take." "Phil's a pimple." "It's goddamn Johnny Sack." "It's his message to the other captains, that fuckin' animal." " Take it easy." " Fuck that." "Rusty!" "The car's here." "I'm telling you, Carmine, we go all out, we'll steamroll right over John." "And I predict the guys on the street in Brooklyn and Queens, they'll welcome us as fuckin' heroes." "It'll be easy." "It's a fuckin' declaration of war by Johnny, if ya ask me." " Hey!" " Ho." "There he is." "Let me kiss the ring." "How about the one in the center of my ass?" " Hey." " Feech, good to see ya, baby." "Good to see you." "Hello there, kid." " Hey, how are ya, boys?" " How are ya, Feech?" "Just, uh... talkin' about that mess over in New York." "Sounds to me like your friend John wants to force Little Carmine's hand." "In my day, the top spot would've gone to Little Carmine, unless he was actually retarded or crippled or something." "He's the son." "Come on, when was that?" "Yeah?" " Vodka rocks." " Thank you, dear." "Anybody else?" "If we need anything else, one of the kids'll come out." "Ton', you didn't have any lunch." "You want a sandwich?" "No, I'm all right." "Thanks." "Adriana, hold on a second." "Tommy Pinto's goomah, when I was comin' up she had the long legs, up to here, like that." "Famous beauty, smart as a whip." "My compliments." "Thank you, baby." "You drove Tommy Pinto?" "I was at the Clam Broth House the night he beat that longshoreman to death over a corner table." " No shit." " Here we go..." "Memory Lane." "It's important these young guys know the history." "Tell 'em about the time Tony and Jackie Aprile knocked over your card game." "Oh, that he doesn't like to talk about." "I heard this." "This is a great fuckin' story." "He should be dead by now." "They bust in, couple of fuckin' punks." "Guns out." "Bad guys." "This one is fuckin' scared!" "First of all, it was my game." "Feech has forgiven, even if he hasn't forgotten." "But it's a great yarn, right, Feech?" "Yeah." "Actually, it brings me to my business." "Fellas, you wanna give us a minute here?" "Yeah." "So, what's up?" "I came to ask for my game back." "It's my uncle's game now, Feech." "Yeah right, your uncle's." "You'll still keep a lion's share of the rake." "I'm in a way just askin' if I can run it for ya." " Why would I need that?" " 11 years I ran it... no fights, no raids." "Not to mention that maybe I got it comin', considering how it could've gone for you after you took the game down if I had been a prick about it." "Or if his old man didn't have so many friends." "I'll give you 20%, but you gotta rent the house from me." "I could throw some high rollers your way... friends of mine." "All right." "Let me get outta here before I keep talkin' and fuck this up." "Jesus." "Thank you, Don Antonio." "He's a strunz." "He's a busybody, that's all." "He's an egomaniac, Ton', always was, always will be." "Nothing's ever good enough..." "praise, money." "Comes into this fuckin' office, starts ordering' people around." "He's old." "How do ya think that feels?" "Can I go to the Mudvayne concert or not?" "I've been trying to think of a reason to let you stay overnight in New York, but I'm afraid it's not gonna happen." "Todd's mother already made arrangements." " Said it's better than driving home." " She's not your mother." "Yeah, I know." "Believe me." "Isn't life unfair?" "So we're at the Peppermint Lounge, when in walks these two stewardesses from Braniff." "Everybody's in?" "Aces high." "Your action, Mr. Taylor." " 200." " Hesh?" "They're sittin' at the bar." "We send 'em a bottle of Dom." "Next thing ya know, we're in the hotel room... me, Frankie and the two broads." " I see ya, raise ya three." " You mother..." "But this one, this little pothead from Texas, she fucked me dry." "But she still wanted more!" "She's fuckin' nuts." "I'm wearin' these pointy featherweights and I stick the toe in and I'm fuckin' her with it." "I don't know where this story's heading but we should all be grateful he wasn't wearing white bucks." "The maid walks in." "She says, "What's goin' on?"" "And I say..." "Ante up, boys." "Hello, girls!" " Ho!" " Hey!" "Hi, Ton'." " Sir Lawrence from the Meadowlands." " Your Highness, how are you?" "Tony, let me introduce Bernie Brillstein." "Did you get my list of toys?" " What's up?" " Hey, Ton'." "Oh, my cousin!" "Kinda high stakes for you, no?" "Feech fronted my action." "And thank you for not humiliating me." "Isn't there somethin' in your parole about hangin' out with degenerates like this?" " Oh!" " Come on, he gets away with anything." "Last time his parole officer made the unannounced visit, he gave him a massage." "So how's Lady Luck treating' you, huh?" "Jesus-fuckin'" "Christ." "How many times this guy gotta say hello?" "What, did I interrupt one of your impermeable stories?" "Go ahead." "So... we had these girls in the hotel room." "Long story short, I got my shoe in her snatch... and it falls off and she keels over." "Che puzz'." "Fuck it." "This hand's from thalidomide." "Three ladies, gentlemen." " Ah!" " Stake it." " Take it." " The rich get richer." "So Doc, how's the, uh, plans for the wedding?" "Please." "It's not a wedding planner anymore." "It's an "environment and event coordinator."" "What the hell." "She's my only daughter." "She and Iris have their hearts set on makin' the Vows column of the Sunday "New York Times"..." "featured couple of the week." "Our publicist is lookin' for a hook." "Turns out that Gillian's law degree from Harvard means bupkis." "Everybody's got that or better." "If it was a black couple or a gay couple they'd be in." "My wife calls "The Times" wedding section the ladies' sports page." "So Ira, who's the lucky guy?" "Jeremy Silverman, puppeteer, Children's Television Workshop." "Father's Asa Silverman, head of commercial paper at Goldman Sachs." " Upper Eastside." " I didn't get my invitation." "Fuck you." "You told me to be sure to let you know when it was a quarter of." " Thank you, Mary." " Okay." "So with Wesleyan as your fallback," "I think we're in pretty good shape." "Straight "A"s at Middlebury's Language Camp, can't sneeze at that." "Your blues folkloric studies in Mississippi last summer have an almost community-service spin to them." "I wish he had the minority thing going for him." "If we can nudge Lem's verbals past 760 on the next round, he can basically write his own ticket." "I'm stoked." "Appreciate your help." "Folks?" "So let me guess... he called the English teacher "Daddy-o."" "Oh." "The thing is... we are rapidly approaching crisis mode here with these grades, and time is of the essence." "Could I ask a question?" "I handed in my final list of colleges." "Did you get that?" "Yes, we talked about this." "So, Ramapo and Trenton State." "And our reach schools, University of Arizona and Arizona State." "I'll take him out there after I drive him around to the ones in New Jersey." "If either of the Arizona's is what he's got his heart set on, he's not gonna get in with these grades." "I know about football, Anthony." "That's our ace in the hole." "He says he's tryin' his best." "S.A.T. -wise, 505 and 430..." "I think we can edge up the math into the fives in the next round, providing Anthony can bear down and focus." "He's had trouble with that before." "Remember, Carm, when they thought he had A.D.D.?" " You didn't tell me that." " Head on back to class." "Let us talk." "But if I'm learning-disabled, I get unlimited time on my S.A.T.s." " Is that true?" " Let's talk about that later." "So you had time to talk directly to Dr. Rapke about last week's testing results." "Yes." "She said Anthony has good interpersonal skills." "She said his affect was... now, where is this..." ""constricted," she called it." "But that was normal for a teenager and... all in all he seemed to be handling the split well." "This is not to say I don't get a ration of shit in every conversation." "Pardon my French." "Well, still, uh... there is this thing with his grades." "Do you think it would be of benefit to him to see a psychologist on a regular basis?" "You don't approve of therapy, Mr. Soprano." "People use it as a crutch." "And I always wonder what happened to Gary Cooper, the strong silent type?" "Well, Gary Cooper wasn't a 16-year-old boy." "He was at one time." "And I'm gonna have to agree with my husband here, Mr. Wegler." "We sent our daughter to a... an adolescent developmentalist and it was a disaster." "I know my son, he's lazy." "We're gonna get him a different S.A.T. tutor," "I'm gonna stay on him and he's gonna work harder." "And that's that." " I might be learning-disabled." " Didn't he tell you to go to class?" "What's going on, Mary?" "Domenica Paolini and Sasha Caputo, they were on their way to school this morning and they hit a tree." "Nica's dead." "Sasha's in a coma." "What's that?" "It was here when I got here." "Okay, if a million zeroes can be written on the front and back of a sheet of paper, how many sheets of paper do you need for a googol of zeroes?" "Whoa!" "Oh man, oh baby, an Xterra SE." "It's loaded." "3.3- liter supercharged." " What, this is mine?" " Yeah." " You are unbelievable." " The sticker's still on it." "He doesn't have enough distractions?" "After what happened to those kids at his school?" "It's got sensors in the seatbelts." "It's part of Nissan's triple safety philosophy." " Nice ride." " Are you leaving?" "Hour's up." "You're not getting in?" "This is so deck." "What is this, Bose?" "Yeah, six CD changer." "It's got Surround Sound." "I feel safer already." "Carmela, this car is a tank." "What's the matter?" "SUVs eat up more of the ozone." "So you wanna be the sucker in a regular car that gets decapitated?" " I'm gonna catch shit at school." " So what do you wanna do?" "Screw it." "Can we take it out?" "Yeah, we can take it out." "Once." "Then this baby sits in the garage till you pull your grades up to a "C."" " What?" " You heard your father." "I was talking to him, not you." "I gotta put dinner on." "Tony, I have bills for you." "You better be nice to your mother." "She's got the keys till your grades are up." "I'll be right back." "The car was a motivational tool." "The carrot and the stick, you gotta do both!" "I could strangle him sometimes." "He can be so hateful." "Well, the smart mouth is not good." "That's minor, believe me." "God, what happened to him?" "He was always the sweet one." "He had the concept of sharing before any of the other toddlers." "Meadow was always sharper, but I remember the same thing with her." "It's like watching an angel fall." "What, are you crying?" "Here's the tutor in writing like you had to have." "I had to call RotoRooter." "This is a cheap sound system for the media room." " Why should I pay for that?" " Because you took the last one." "Oh, your little movie connoisseur friends are still meeting?" " At least I have friends." " What the fuck's that mean?" "You just have a bunch of flunkies." "What do you know about it?" "They compliment you on your new shoes." "They tell you that you're not going bald." "You think they really care?" "You're the boss, they're scared of you." "They have to kiss your ass, laugh at your stupid jokes." "What about Artie then?" "You're turning into a frigging cynic." " Whatever." " What do I give a shit?" "I'm running a fucking business not a popularity contest." ""I've been thinking, and I apologize for my use of fowl language"... fowl with a "W"..." ""in regards to yourself." "You said some very hurtful things to me in regards to myself." "But it is still no excuse to use the vile word that I used, of which I am sure you know... that I'm talking about."" " "Cunt," right?" " Yes, Elliot." ""You don't wish us to be social friends and so that is that." "I still have great rigard for you, even though you said some horrible things." "P.S. I'm doing fine, Anthony."" "It came with a bathrobe and a basketful of Dr. Hauschka bath products." "Ablution." "The desire to cleanse himself of the deed." "Notice he still fundamentally blames me." " Hello?" " Mrs. Soprano?" "Robert Wegler." "Oh, hi, hello, how are you?" "Uh... after our meeting the other day," "I had some ideas about some further strategies for Anthony." "I thought maybe we could meet, have lunch, cup of coffee." "I could share them with you." " Next week perhaps?" " Really?" "Uh... well yeah, I guess that would be okay." ""Happy Birthday" by the Beatles." "You know, I heard it the other day in the car." "They have such a good drum solo in the middle there." ""Drum solo"?" "That's the basic four-four." "You know Ringo was not their original drummer." "That was Pete Best." "And they fired him." "He put out his own album..." ""Best of the Beatles."" "Sad." "So, is this what they call common ground?" "Just trying to have a civilized conversation." "Can I go to my room?" "I'm full." "Am I so horrible?" "You are not horrible." "Get over yourself." ""Over myself"?" "What is that supposed to mean?" "Just go, do me a big favor." "If you're gonna be a martyr, obviously I'll sit here." "No, go." "Put your plate in the sink." "200." "Two to go." " See, and raise four." " Call." "Tony, you liking the Escalade?" "I can't keep them on the lot." "I love it... after I pulled out that global positioning shit." "Oh, right." "Always got his eye on the big picture." "Up to you." "I think you got that ace and I'm not paying you for it." " Aces over." " Three threes, my man." "Paulie wins." "Cards, please." "You, fuck you." "They used to be a great tax loophole, those SUVs." "Told all my clients, write it off on your business." "Accountant dies, goes to heaven same time as the Pope." "St. Peter says "Come on in!"" "Then he shows the Pope to this shithouse." "That's where he's gonna live, and he gives him a crust of bread." "Then he shows the C.P.A. where he's gonna live." "It's a fuckin' mansion..." "servants, broads." "Pope says "He gets a mansion and I get a hovel?"" "St. Peter says "Your Holiness, we got hundreds of popes up here." "This is the first Jewish accountant!"" "I used to be able to write off condoms." "What do you get when you cross an accountant with a giant jet airplane?" "A Boring 747." "All right, all right, bet two." "Algebra, huh?" "Listen," "I have been doing some thinking." "I've decided to let you stay in the city after the concert." "How come?" "On one condition, though..." "no Hudson Suites." "I talked to Mead, she said that you can sleep over at her apartment." "I will give you cab fare." "When the concert's over, go straight up there." "Sunday morning, I want you home 10:30 sharp." "Thanks." "Don't stay up too late." "Come on!" "Go, go, go!" "Hurry!" "So, you guys like your job?" "Beemer, space 43." "# Siman tov umazel tov, umazel tov v'siman tov #" "# Siman tov umazel tov, umazel tov v'siman tov #" "# Siman tov umazel tov, umazel tov v'siman tov #" "# Y'hei lanu... #" "Asa, come on!" "#..." "UI'chol yisra-el #" "# Y'hei lanu y'hei lanu #" "# UI'chol yisra-el #" "# Siman tov umazel tov, umazel tov v'siman tov #" "# Siman tov umazel tov, umazel tov v'siman tov #" "# Siman tov umazel tov, umazel tov v'siman tov #" "# Y'hei lanu #" "# Y'hei lanu y'hei lanu... #" "Can I have your attention?" "Apparently there's been an armed robbery." "Some automobiles were taken." "They left all the American cars!" " Oh my God." " I think his skull is broken." " Oh my God!" " I'm a doctor, let me in there." "Brooke, our car is gone." "Now who's a genius for keeping his Regal?" "Asa, they got the SL." "That was a fucking SL55 convertible." "You know how long my brother was on the waiting list for that thing?" "A motherfucking year." "You want to go back to that?" "Yes, I wanna go back to that!" " Hello?" " Hey, it's me." " How was Mudvayne?" " They rocked." "Look, I..." "I don't think I'll be able to make it up there." "What are you talking about?" "You know mom's gonna call here." "I'm a total dick if I leave here." "Just tell mom I'm on my way up." "She's just gonna call back." "Come on, when do I ever ask you for anything?" "All right, you better stay there." "Be home on time tomorrow." "I don't want any shit from mom." "Frida, why do you and Diego have separate houses?" "Because we are two different people, but our love makes us into one." " Hello?" " Mead, hi." "Is your brother there?" "He's not answering his cell." " I know, he's asleep." " What?" "I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but he was pretty zapped." "I knew it." "Is he all right?" "Mom, he's fine." "Just wait until you have children." "Not me, I'm never having kids." "So, how are things going?" "We're in the middle of a movie, Mom." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Good night." "Good night." "Come on, light the fucker up." " Give me the lighter." " It's on the table." "All right, go, go, go, go, go!" "Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!" "Go!" "Hold it!" "Hold it!" "Open up, it's me." "Come on, open the fucking door!" "Where's the patient?" "I got a new easel, new oils, I'm ready to go." "Salut." "Oh, the wedding?" "Wh... what, do you got everybody outside?" " Ushers and everybody?" "Bring 'em in..." " It's a fucking disaster." " What?" " Somebody hit us." "They stole all the fucking cars." "I had to sedate my own little girl at her wedding." "Jesus." "Yeah, they had one of those... what do you call it, those car carrier things?" "And it was a very well coordinated operation." "The cops are on it, but how much faith have I got in that?" "You gotta help me before they're chopped!" "I'm not really in that business, Ira." "Asa's brother's Benz was taken." "This special thing." "I'm fucking gernischt in Asa's eyes now." "Can't you do anything?" " I mean, make some calls?" " All that shit's insured." "He's obsessed with that car, this fucking Stew guy." "The asshole paid a $30,000 premium just to place the fucking order." "His glasses, his daybook were in it." "AJ, it's your mother." "Call me." "It's my mother." "I told you I can't put you through." "Room 417 has a block on the line." "I am not waiting." "Who knows what's going on?" "God help you if anything happens like those children in Westchester." "Don't!" "No, don't answer it." "My face is stuck to the rug." "Oh, they fuckin' crazy-glued you." "Housekeeping!" "Oh, fuck, what should we do?" "We're asleep!" "All right, help me." "Ow, ow!" " Ow!" "Dude, take it easy." " I'm trying." "Ahh ow, fuck." "Oh, dude!" "Oh, fuck." "Oh, fuck me." "Hello." "Hi, yeah, it's me." "AJ stayed in the city with his friends last night and he's not home yet." " And I can't get in touch with him." " Take it easy." "Slow down." "He's probably just sleeping it off." "No, I called Todd's mother and Todd came home." "He could be dead by now, O.D.'d, God knows what else." " God, why did I let him go?" " He's all right." "I'll take care of it." "Give me the number of the hotel." "It's the Hudson Suites on the Westside." "Tony, just go there." "I am..." "I'm so worried I'm not even angry anymore." "All right, all right, I'm on my way." "Anthony?" "God damn you!" "I have been going crazy trying to reach you." " Later." "I don't feel good." " What happened to your face?" " Just leave me alone." " I want to know what happened!" "You never went to Meadow's after you gave me your word!" " Get off my back." " You are a liar!" " Fuck you." " What did you say?" "!" "Get back here!" "Ow!" "Puritan Salvage." "The big guy's looking for a consignment from a wedding in Ringwood last night." "Nothing came in here." "This Benz, SL55, he wants it pulled." "I'll make some calls." " Where is he?" " In his room." "What happened to your leg?" "He lied to me, Tony, which means that they both lied." "She's covering for him." "It's what sisters are supposed to do." "Of course, right." " He cursed at me." "Oh my God." " What did he say?" " He's asleep." " Not anymore." "Oh, hey, Dad." "I was just taking out the trash." "It's garbage day tomorrow." " What's different about you?" " He has no eyebrows, Tony!" " Who did this?" " We were just screwing around." " What'd you say to your mother?" " Tony..." "What did you say?" "I said the "F" word." "You're finished." "You're never gonna drive that car till you're 45 years old." "I'm selling it tomorrow!" "She wouldn't let me talk, I was trying to tell her what happened." " Oh see, it's my fault." " All right, let's hear it." "Well, I was gonna go to Meadow's but there weren't any cabs." "I didn't think you'd want me standing in the street at 11:30 at night." " We were right by the hotel." " Enough of your lying." " I am not lying!" " Look at your face!" "If you've got some kind of sexual proclivity with that teacher or whatever, now is the time to tell us!" "What went on up there?" "Poppers and weird sex?" "What?" "No!" "Look, we don't do drugs, we're not some stupid dopers." "I had a few beers, but it just made me sick." " How can anybody believe what you say?" " Because I told you!" "You never believe me." " You had a couple beers?" " Yeah." " You didn't do any drugs." " No!" "Carmela, look it... a couple of beers." "Should be grounded, yeah, but it's not the end of the world." "What?" "You know what?" "I am sick of your bullshit." "Both of you!" " He can go live with you." " Don't get dramatic now, all right?" " What?" "Great, good." " Shut up!" "I have never been more serious in my life." "Take out the trash, go outside." "What are we gonna do, really?" "What did I just say?" " No, I mean really, come on." " Did you think I was joking?" "Carmela, this is normal teenage shit." "You remember us?" "The C.Y.O. Dance." "We left Artie out in the snow, he almost lost his fingers." "And we still laugh our asses off about it." "No, I don't really blame AJ He's doing exactly what he's supposed to." "He's testing the limits as much as he can." "I blame myself." "What are you talking about?" "You don't know what it's like to have your son hate your guts." " He doesn't hate your guts." " Oh, thank God he's alive." "It's my fault, Tony." "My pathetic need to compete with you clouded my judgment or I never would have let him stay in New York." "I knew he wasn't ready." "I went against all of my instincts." "His eyebrows'll grow back!" "Nothing really happened!" "No, you know what happened?" "I said fuck it." "And you know why?" "To get him to love me as much as he loves you." "He loves you, it's just... you're his mother, it's different." "I can't be the villain anymore." "I mean it." "And I can't say fuck it." "Take him." "Let him live with you." "Homina-homina- homina-homina." " Ed Norton?" " Ed Norton?" "No, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Kramden." "No, the correct answer is Stephen Foster." "But thanks so much." "You've been a wonderful contestant and a swell sport." "Goodbye, Mr. Kramden." "He's here." "Hey, tarall's, expiration date 2007." "Put 'em over there." "Have a seat." "Uh-oh." "Sounds serious." "You have anything to do with that wedding takedown in Ringwood?" "Why, is that a problem?" "I told you that doctor was a friend of mine." "I deliberately used that word." "Are you aware of how many things a fucking M.D. can do for us?" "Sorry, Godfather, he was at the game." "I thought he was just another pigeon." "Who authorized you to do it?" "And don't call me Godfather with that fucking cute smirk." "I know I was away for a long time, but when did that happen, you gotta ask permission to ply your trade?" "Here's your end, be happy." "When were you gonna tell me about it if I hadn't called you here?" "I'm here now!" "I'm telling you about it now!" "That's the second time I'm playing catch-up with you." " What the fuck are you talking about?" " The lawn cutting." "Do I have to send you a memo every time I move my bowels too?" "You're so concerned about my end, why didn't you put one of those cars through my shops?" "What?" "Johnny Sack told me about this guy in Newburgh." " Johnny Sack?" " Yeah, Johnny Sack." "Anyway, he gave me a better deal for shipping them whole." "Are you fucking serious?" "I don't like the way I'm being talked to here." "What did I tell you when you came to me, said you wanted back in?" "I said as long as you don't step on anybody's toes." " In my day..." " That's another thing." "I don't wanna hear no more about how it was in your day." "You just keep your anecdotes to local color, like Dynaflows, or McGuire Sisters, shit like that." "Otherwise, shut the fuck up!" "Jesus Christ, Feech, I'm tryin' to ease your transition here and this is the thanks I get?" "I'm sorry if I offended you." "You gotta remember, Tony, I still think of you as a kid." "I'll learn." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "That's funny." "Come here." "Aw, shit." "We all right?" "Just... get the SL55 back, okay?" "Maybe I was too hard on that guy." "Did I learn nothing from Richie Aprile?" "Huh?" " Nip it in the bud." " Feech?" " He's well liked, T." " That's another thing." "All right, well, don't be so hard on yourself though." " Hey, Olsen and Johnson." " How you doing?" "Stopped by the bakery, they said you left already." "That's the Canali suit I promised you." "He said you should try on the jacket, see how the sleeves are." "How's that?" "How's that?" "I look better than Sinatra." " Very nice." " All right." "Hey, I'm having my wine and peaches." "You want?" "No thanks, we gotta get going." " I'll try some peaches." " Good." "Peaches are from fucking New Zealand." "They're great." "I'll get you a glass." "No, we should go, we should go..." " take care of that thing." " It can't wait?" "Where the fuck you going?" "Come on, sit down." "No, we gotta do this shit." "You don't wanna know, it's all fucked up." "What?" "My imbecile cousin, he was welding his boat trailer, burns down his garage." "Now we got no place to park the truck that we got." "What's wrong with the street?" "Georgia peaches, those are considered the best." "See, he don't want me to know what's in the truck." "Flat screen TVs." "50-inch plasma Philipses." "Guy's coming down from Montreal, but he got delayed a couple of days." "I got a garage right here." "My cousin's mother's got a place, we can lock it up there." "Park the load here, this way I'm around." "Keep my glims on the stuff." " How much you gonna want for that?" " Two." "Fuck you, Feech." "It's fucking parking." "You gotta kick in a TV." "I thought I had a plan for Anthony, but I..." "I'm not so sure now." "I don't know if Rutgers' summer program accepts boys without eyebrows." "So you heard about that?" "I was a wreck." "I mean look what happened to those girls just driving to school." "We brought in grief counselors." "How's Anthony coping with that?" "I have to say he never mentioned it." "They all handle tragedy differently." "Actually, he just moved in with his father." " I don't know if he said." " Really?" "I don't know what you might have heard about my husband." "Some." "I mean, he's a good father, don't get me wrong." "Our daughter is at Columbia." "My friends tell me I'm a snob with this college business, but with Anthony it's something else." "I just know that if he didn't get into a good enough school to interest him, and he dropped out, went to work as a waiter or something, he wouldn't last a week." "You know, he would be drawn right in... you know." "My husband doesn't want that for him either." "You met him." "My husband can be very magnetic, you know, bigger than life." "And I was so young." "It was very exciting." "Anyway, he's over there." "Maybe it'll be good, you know, learning the things that men need to know." "Well..." "Anyway, so what about you?" "How long have you been at the school?" "Since '86." "I suppose that's what caught me up too, with Astrid." "Some notion of escaping the quotidian." " So you were married." " For about, uh... five minutes." "Chicken Marsala." " And the honey balsamic chicken." " Thank you." " Have you read "Madame Bovary"?" " No." "It's almost a perfect novel." "Flaubert writes about bourgeois loneliness and emptiness." "Emma Bovary destroys herself for some fantasy in her head." "It's great." "It's truly, truly great." "Somehow horrifically funny, though tragic." "I think you might enjoy it." "I'll stop by Borders on my way home." " Who is it by again?" " Gustave Flaubert." "Yeah?" "Supervisor Curran, parole board." "Site visit." "Where's Eddie Stimich?" "He's out sick." "I just wanna take a look around." "Only thing better about here than Russia is the food." "Good one." "Eddie examined every fucking dust bunny in the place just last week." "Is that new?" "Uh... bequest." "Friend of mine, passed away." "Is that your garage?" "Nah, it's where I make the weapons of mass destruction." "Let's go out and open it up." "You wanna see my fucking garage?" "You never seen an oil stain before?" "Let's go." "Here's the windup." "And the pitch..." " Ah!" " Come on!" "Fuck Major League Baseball." "Ever since the fucking strike." "Let's watch ballet." "Oh, somebody hotboxed us?" " I saw you close the window." " What's that?" "It's when you close the windows and fart on purpose." "That's a Dutch oven." " No, in bed it's a Dutch oven." " What's a Dutch oven?" "You fart in bed with a woman then force her head under the covers." "That's awesome." " First you gotta be in bed with one." " You'd be surprised." " Whoa." " Ooh." "Yeah, I would." "Oh my God!" "What..." "Jesus!" "That's enough." "Go upstairs, do your Spanish homework." " In 15 minutes." " No, now." "And he goes down looking." "The end of the inning." "Just got the call." "They put him on a corrections bus this morning." "This was the better move than taking him out." " The man was a legend." " Christopher agrees, by the way." "Well, that's nice that he agrees." "But I'm not running a fucking popularity contest." "Mommy!" "Look at me!" "Anthony!" "# You woke up this morning #" "# Got yourself a gun #" "# Your momma always said you'd be the Chosen One #" "# She said you're..." "you're one in a million #" "# You've got to burn to shine #" "# But you were born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" "# When you woke up this morning #" "# And all that love had gone #" "# Your papa never told you about #" "# Right and wrong #" "# But you're..." "you're lookin' good, baby #" "# I believe that you're feelin' fine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" " # So sing it now # - # Woke up this morning #" "# Got a blue moon..." "got a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" "# You say you woke up this morning #" "# The world turned upside down #" "# Lordy, well, things ain't been the same #" "# Since the blues walked in our town #" "# But you're... but you're one in a million #" "# 'Cause you got that shotgun shine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" " # Uh-huh # - # And got yourself a gun #" " # Woke up this morning # - # Got yourself a gun #" " # Uh-huh # - # Got yourself a gun. #" " Dad." " Hey." "What are you doing here?" "Well, I got an office here." " You come down with Finn?" " And some people." "Promise me no drinkin' and drivin'." "Who's your designated driver?" "I'm not the one with all the dents in their car." "All right, have fun, huh?" "Need some money?" "Have a good time, sweetheart." "Be careful!" " You see Meadow?" " Yeah, I wish I knew she was here." "I wonder what the fuck she's thinkin'." "I'm sorry, Ton'." "Some kid had a seizure upstairs," " it's been a horrible night." " Hey, Ton'," "Vito and Gene just called, they're five minutes away." "We're leaving." "Here." "All right, call 'em and tell 'em to meet us at Bud's Butter Bun on Broadway and 18th." "All right." "Did I just see your father?" "He's got an office here." "Saturday night?" "That's dedication." "The guy sure can put in the hours." "Let's go someplace else." "Tony's spendin' so much time at the club." "Do you think that might have something to do with you?" "Oh, if you think I'm gonna blow this guy for your sick purposes you are sadly mistaken." "So go on about this phone call the other night." "It was just some guy with a Southern accent." "Christopher grabbed the phone, he yelled at him for callin' the house," " said he'd see him down there." " Down where?" "Did you check the log on his cell?" "Not since I almost got caught doin' that, and I am not doin' it again." "Wait till he goes into the shower." "See if there's a 4-0-4 or 3-3-6, and memorize any other numbers you don't recognize." " What's the matter?" " I got to go to the bathroom." " I know, you said." " No, I-I got to go." " Number two." " I'll take you to your car." "No, I got to go now." "Oh my God." "You okay?" "We're almost there." "Try to relax." "Don't you got a general anesthetic or somethin'?" "This lidocaine doesn't do much." "We are... done." "Jan, want to do your thing?" "Just keep a little pressure." "All right." "I'm gonna get this down to the lab, see what's what." "Okay." "There we go." " You okay?" " You think he got it all?" "We hope so." "Meantime, there's a canteen on Level L." "I'll let you know when the results come back." "Does having a bowel movement relieve the pain?" "Yeah." "Would you describe the diarrhea" " as loose or liquid?" " Liquid." "But this is gettin' so I'm afraid to be away from the toilet." "I'm so scared I'm gonna have an accident." " Is this tender?" " No." "Sit up." " How's your personal life?" " What do you mean?" "Well, sometimes GI disturbances are stress-related." "Is there anything unusual that might be giving you the jimjams?" "I just want somethin' for my stomach so I can quit goin' to the bathroom." "That's what's givin' me stress." "Why don't you get dressed?" "We'll talk in my office." "I hear you're spending time with today's youth." "You lost me." "Meadow said she saw you at Adriana's club." "I got to explain my business to you now?" "After so many years?" " No, it's your life, Tony." " Got that right." "What did you do to your head?" "Did you fall again?" "Banged it on the medicine chest." "Don't worry 'bout it." "It's nothin'." "There's your allowance." "Now that actually looks like fruit." "Yeah, it's so hard." "What do you do it for?" "Irritable bowel syndrome?" "He'll know more when the tests come back." "I still got to bring him a stool sample." "Jesus, please." "You were the one who yelled at me to go to the doctor." "I got to know every detail?" "I could be really sick, Christopher." "Yeah, my Aunt Josephine had colon cancer." "Her whole asshole rotted out." "I may have to go into therapy." "Plus, they're gonna put me on Prozac." "For diarrhea?" "To help me cope and handle stress, which is a lot of what causes it." "What do you got to be stressed about?" "That bar?" "War, Christopher?" "The Middle East?" "You don't listen to the President?" "We're gonna mop the floor with the whole fuckin' world." "The whole world's gonna be under our control, so what are you worked up about?" "Oh, give me the Orioles over the Tigers for two, and the Jays over the Rangers, three G's." "I'm just gettin' my day planner." "No, I'm done." "My stupid car." "5,000 miles and the alternator's goin'." "What about you?" "Mimi said you went to the doctor." "I've been havin' trouble with my stomach, that's why I'm drinkin' White Russians." "What, you got ulcers already?" " It's called IBS." " What's that?" "Irritable bowel syndrome." "My mother had that all her life." "See this?" " Yeah, I noticed that." "What happened?" " It's cancer." " What?" " Yeah, squamous." "Oh my God, that's terrible." "Well, they think they got it all." "Knock wood." "Just cancer." "The things that run through your head, you know?" " Sure." " I got a top guy, though..." "Katz." "Hesh recommended him, naturally." "So this... disease you got." "What causes it?" "I did a Google on it and like the doctor, too." "They all say a lot of it's psychological." "So on top of everything, now I'm a head case." "No, come on, stop blaming' yourself." "Christopher don't want to know, but not that I blame him." "I got to take off." "AJ should be comin' home from his volleyball thing." "Listen, don't say anything to anybody, okay?" "People hear cancer, they start to bury you already." "And you don't tell anybody what I told you." "All right, take care of yourself." "Say hi to Anthony." " Yeah." " You're such a good father." "I wish my dad had been like that." "Good night, dear." "It's a straight shot on l-95 to Raleigh." "You give this shit to the fence," "I'll meet you in Winston-Salem, we'll load up the cigs and come home." "We're pickin' up so many cigarettes, why don't we instead of two vans rent a deuce and a half?" "You know, share the driving'." "Because the cops..." "The van's under the radar." " Eric Estrada over here." " You forgot your folic acid." "What is all this stuff?" "A beauty parlor chair?" "If they even heard of electrolysis down there." " Where are you goin'?" " Jesus Christ, go back to bed." "What the fuck's your problem?" "My fuckin' tooth is killin' me." "Well, you should go back to the dentist." "Why do you have to go anyway?" "Can't they just drop this stuff off?" "Tony wants me to talk to the guy down there." "The jerk you were yellin' at on the phone?" "Is that the cigarette thing you were talkin' about?" "Six different kinds of dope you get to take for a stomach-ache," "I got an impaction, I can't take shit besides oil of clove, 'cause I'm sober." "I know, it's hard." "I'm sorry." "Have a nice trip." " I love you, call me." " She's got diarrhea." "Whoops." "You want?" "Aw, twist my arm." "I'm expectin' some guys from New York, so..." "No problem." "I got plenty to do out there." " Ah." "Who's this on?" " Please." "It's called "The Lost Boys."" "Sil's been ragging' on me all week for me to play 'em here." "Their manager or somebody owes him money." "So, I thought this was your day off." "Chrissy's away." "I don't like stayin' home alone." "Although, at least I can pour a glass of wine without him giving' me "the expression."" "Yeah." "Yeah, I know that look." "The constipated owl look." "You know, when I first met you I was scared of you." "Really?" "Yeah, but I'm scared of everybody." "It's always my first reaction." "Well, you're not scared of me now, are you?" "No." "You want to shoot?" "Huh?" "Make it interesting, say a buck a game." "Mmm?" "No, it's the round thing in the middle there." "How you feelin'?" "Everything all right in here now?" " Your stomach all right?" " I know what you're doin'." "Don't distract me." "Oh." " Ho!" " Hmm." "I've been hustled." " Did I get your toe?" " No." "No, no, no." "I'm so sorry." "Come on, get up." "Come on." "Aw, shit." "All right." "Wait." "Yeah, go on." " Tony here?" " Yeah, come on in." "Hey." "Let me know if you guys need anything." "What, are you gonna tell me about the traffic again?" "Here, our friend sent this for you." "Thank you for taking the appointment." "And I know I'm on probation, and I deeply regret... what I did." "My nephew's fiancee." "I know what you're thinking." "So?" "Well, nothing happened, but it could've very easily." "I mean, she really got to me, this young lady." "She, uh..." "What?" "This is a very big step." "Yeah, tell me about it." "I mean, that you've come here to talk about this impulse instead of just acting on it without thinking." "No, I always think." " Really?" " Yeah." "Having sex with your mistress' cousin, like the mistress wasn't enough to piss off your wife." "Tell me about the niece." "She's drop-dead gorgeous." "Someone like her I could..." "I could do it right this time," "I could start a whole new family." "I'm young enough." "Fuck 'em all." "And this is something you're contemplating?" "What?" "It would be a disaster of major proportions." "Carmela..." "I'd get hosed financially." "There would be no reasoning with her after that." "And my nephew, it would kill him... after years of grooming him to be my number two." "And it would be very bad for the girl." "She doesn't deserve that." "I mean, I'm not stupid." "I know part of it's this father-figure thing... you know, on account of hers ran off." "It would be like committing an act of symbolic incest." "Whatever." "Look, what am I gonna do?" "I got lucky the first time, 'cause I was able to control myself," " but you only get one of those." " Rationalizing." ""I can't control myself." You can." "I don't know." "It's different for women." "It's all about up here with them." "She could make a play for you." "You might want to think about how you're going to establish limits and boundaries." "For example, you could tell her she means a great deal to you, but you think of her as a daughter." "Even if I want to fuck her brains out." "This is a milestone for you." "You're at a very important crossroads." "For once you want to avoid doing something you know is wrong and would be destructive both to yourself and to the people you care about." "That's growth." "That's progress." "Just tell me what I'm supposed to do." "You have to be honest with yourself." "I know this is a powerful urge, but if you can't keep it in your pants, you have to stay away from her." "You know... not long ago, you stood in my outer office." "I recall you used the words "drop-dead gorgeous" about me and how you had to have me." "I said I wouldn't date you, and look, you survived." "What a horrible fucking job you have." "How do you do it?" "But what happens now is your choice." "Act and create a bed of misery, or you can look at this as a chance to do something good." "You say she respects you." "Be worthy of respect." "See if you can remain a friend to this woman, a help to her." "You know, Tony had ducks one time... in his pool." "You need to find out where Chris went." "I'm getting this vibe from him." "Who?" "Tony?" "He's really nice." "He listens." "He's kind of attractive... definitely an alpha male... but what if Christopher found out?" "What?" "I'm not gonna fuck him." "Then, what are you talking about?" "I love Christopher, and sooner or later we're gonna get out from under all this shit and leave this fucking state." "Jesus Christ." "She's a good-looking woman, and she wants to fuck Barney Rubble?" ""Well, we really don't know him." "He listens."" "Excuse me, is this seat taken?" " Tony, hi." " Hey." "How you doing?" "Well, why I'm here, Patsy's bringing somebody by," " I'm gonna need to use the office." " No problem." "I made a resolution." "I got to start spending a lot more time on the floor." "Crack the whip." "I'm beat, tell you the truth." "I think I'm gonna grab 40 winks till Patsy gets here." "Wait, you don't have Chrissy's cell, do you?" "He called but he didn't leave a new number." "He'll probably try you again." "He's due back tomorrow." "Oh, excuse me." " I'll come back." " No, I'm all right." "This mole back there looked irregular around the margins." "Every time I see anything now, I think I got melanoma." "I can imagine." "Hi, it's Adriana at The Crazy Horse." "Yeah, I need a car, please." "Just tell him to wait outside." "What, your car still?" "Yeah, they're replacing the alternator." "You want a belt?" "What I could really use is some..." "I wouldn't say no." "Get me motivated to clean the house before Christopher gets back, except I'm all out." "It's 2:00, Cross-Eyed Billy probably left the Bing already." "I know a guy, Andre, he's always up." "Well, cancel the car, I'll give you a ride." "You know who thinks you're cute... is Marlene." "She's got to be over 30, isn't she?" "She's 31." "You know who you ought to introduce me to is that friend a yours." "Who?" "The one you brought over to the house that time." "Tall, kind of blondish, brownish hair..." " Danielle from Whippany." " She's dead." "What?" "Yeah, she drowned on a picnic." "Oh." "You know, I thought I picked up on something between her and me." "I'm not trying to be conceited." "Tony!" "I've reviewed your chart and ruled out internal injuries, so you're free to go." "I'll have the nurse process your discharge orders." "Whoa, whoa." "This was a very bad accident." "Are you sure you did all the tests?" "I can afford it." "I did the appropriate tests." "I have a medical degree from Johns Hopkins." "My grandmother was the first black woman licensed to practice medicine in Delaware." "All right, take it easy." "The young lady that I was with, they said she was okay, but could I see her?" "Ade." " Hi." " Hi." "They say you're gonna be fine, they just want to keep you here for observation." "You know, be on the safe side." "I don't even remember what happened." "There was a raccoon in the road," "I swerved." " How's your car?" " Escalade?" "It's totaled." "Probably saved our life." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, they're gonna let me go." "I want to go too." "Chrissy's coming home today." "We should probably talk about that." "Oh." "Yeah." "Right." "Dude, how you doing?" "I hit the fucking mother-lode." "20 Gs of product a week." "Little Paulie's behind me" " with the other half." " Fuck me." "Now, 20% of this load, they can stamp the packs for the vending machines." "The rest, the cartons can go straight to the bodegas, let them worry about the stamps." "I'm beat." "I'm gonna hit the fucking rack, have Ade cook me up a nice carbonara." "What's the matter?" "Don't know how to tell you, but Adriana's in the hospital." " She was in an accident." " What?" "When?" "Last night around 2:00." "Jesus Christ, what happened?" "Is she all right?" "She got banged up, but she's gonna be okay." "The drinking and driving..." "I told her!" " Where is she?" " Mount Mercy in Dover." " Dover?" " Apparently they swerved" " to avoid a deer in the road." " They?" " Her and Tony." " Tony?" "Soprano?" " Uh-huh." " Is he all right?" "Not a scratch." "The fucking luck on this guy." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Dover." "Right, she's got an aunt she's close to out there who's been sick." "She's friends with Tony's aunt." "All right, somebody take me to get my car." "I better get over there." "Fabio, put it up!" "Thought I'd die in there without a cigarette." "What, so you're just not gonna talk?" "I almost got killed, Christopher." "I'm just curious." "What the fuck were you doing in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere in a car with my uncle?" "He was driving me home." " Fucking Dover?" " We were talking." "W-we were going to get something to eat." "I get off of work, I don't want to go right home." "You weren't even there." "No, I was in a fucking Ride-A-Rent busting my ass with a bunch of rednecks making a living, to buy you alcohol and coke and all the other shit you shovel into your mouth!" "2:00 in the fucking morning?" "!" "Don't fucking lie to me!" "I can't stand it!" "Nothing was going on, Christopher!" " I should've made you walk home!" " I swear to God." "You know how this looks?" "Don't talk to me!" "Shut your mouth!" "You wanted to see me?" " Is Adriana okay?" " She's fine." "People who don't clean up after their pets..." "Pop this in that basket for me, will you?" "It's blind luck, that accident." "Cop told me he thought he was coming up on a fatality when he saw the car." "I would be thinking the same thing if I were you, but it's not true." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Her car was in the shop," "I was driving her home from work, that's all." "We were looking to get a burger." "In Dover." "What difference does it make?" "You don't seem to give a shit she almost died." "She could've been paralyzed or scarred up, and you got a puss on?" "What were you doing out there alone in a car with my fiancee?" "We were talking about you, you selfish prick, and how you're the best thing that ever happened to her." "Oh, you don't think this fucking devastates me?" "Well, frankly, you scored so far over your head when you got her, what do you expect?" "What the fuck are you talking about?" "She's a knockout, a 10, and look at you." "You're average at best, so you better reconcile yourself with that, or you're gonna be fucking paranoid your whole life." "Oh, so this is my fucking fault now?" "Nothing happened, and I'm not gonna say it again!" "And you should've married that girl two years ago." "Everybody knows you've been the biggest fucking cooze hound around the past four or five years." "Your mid-life crisis." "You'd fuck a catcher's mitt." "On everything I hold sacred, on my children, there's nothing going on between me and Adriana." "Tony walked away without a scratch, but Adriana suffered a severe blow to the head." "Adriana got caught giving the big guy a blowjob." "And when the paramedics found them, she had his cock still in her mouth." "Now, statistics show that most single-car fatalities are the result of guys popping their load behind the wheel." "Apparently, he came all over the sun visor." "Sanseverino." "Guess who went down on Tony Soprano." "That's the truth." "It's fact." "If it was my old lady, the next thing she would suck" " is a tailpipe." " That pretty little trim can suck this pipe anytime she wants." "Like you would ever have a shot." "Hey, let me tell you something." "When Christopher was in rehab, she was calling me all the time." " I was this close." " Then you got a problem, 'cause your braciole isn't even that long." "What's so funny?" "Nothing." "Didn't sound like nothing, I want to hear the big joke." "Take it easy, we're just shooting the shit." "We were just talking about my braciole." " Oh yeah, what about it?" " So, deal you in, huh?" "I asked him a fucking question." "What are you breaking my balls for?" "I want a fucking answer." "What's so fucking hilarious," " you fucking parade float?" " Oh!" "I'm a fucking captain now." "You don't talk to me like that!" " Oh, come on, guys." " Don't put your hands on me!" " Chrissy, for Christ's sake!" " Fuck all of youse!" " Oh!" "Whoa, whoa!" " Motherfucker!" " Hold it." " Easy." "Vinar, Jimmy, please join me." "So talk to me, guys, how do we look in these?" "Hey, hon." "I already ate." " There's a casserole in..." " You fucking lying bitch!" "Ow!" "Stop it!" "What are you doing?" "!" "You were sucking his cock!" "Georgie told me everything!" "The surgeon on the operating table said you were moaning Tony's name!" " What are you talking about?" "!" " You fucking lied to me!" "What were you doing in Dover then?" "See?" "You can't tell me, 'cause I know what you were doing!" "Your other dope dealer's there." "I remembered, go ahead, deny it!" "Okay!" "I was going out to see Andre, but I wasn't sucking anybody's cock!" "How could you say that?" "Oh, so you two were just gonna go toot up a bunch of lines, go fucking birdwatching?" "Oh, you son of a bitch." "I was gonna stay up all night and clean this fucking shithole!" "Everybody knows about it!" "Everybody's talking about it!" " No, please!" " You want me to use you, bitch!" " You're fucking killing me!" " No, I don't, I love you!" "Stop it." " You motherfucker!" " Fucking whore." "Ow, my neck!" "Get the fuck out of here!" "I never want to see you again!" "I thought you had an algebra test." " Oh, chill out." " What did you say?" "Well, look, I studied for 45 minutes straight, don't I get a break?" "Hi." "What's up?" "Oh, AJ, how's it going?" "Hey, Uncle Tony." "Did I come at a bad time?" "I need to talk to you." "AJ, go upstairs, study." " Well, what about the pizza?" " Now!" "Study." "All right, what's up?" "I went to the Belleville Tavern after work, and Larry down there said our little cousin was in there all fucked up." "Somebody told him what was going on in the car." "There was nothing going on in the car." "No, of course not, but he thinks there was, so he started drinking again, he beat up Adriana and he threw her out of the fucking house." "Where's his fucking self-control, this guy?" "Little Paulie's out there looking for him to rein him in, but he was saying some crazy things about you." "Oh, this goddamn kid." "Christopher's not right in the head, Ton'." "Who the fuck knows what he's capable of?" "Well, he knows where to find me." "You see him you tell him that." "I got to use your john." "Get you a day early, huh?" "I'll go to the store in the morning." "Look, relax." "Go whenever you want." "What the hell is wrong with him?" "What do you want, Tony?" "He couldn't bring this in himself?" "I can't even come in and say hello?" "What you want is to know if I heard the disgusting shit they're saying." "At least have the guts to come out and ask me." " It isn't true." " You know what?" "Fuck you!" "Fuck me?" "Fuck you!" " You got to put your son in hiding because of your fucking philandering?" "Afraid he'll get caught in the crossfire?" "Your own son?" "Christopher's upset, that's all." "He could come over." "He could say some things" " that a kid shouldn't hear." " Just please leave." "I don't even want to look at you." "Motherfucker!" "Motherfucking gun!" "Give me two." "This kid ain't gonna show up, T." "He's probably in some gutter." "Yeah, hopefully he's wore himself down." "Where are you, you fuck!" "He's got a gun!" "I know you're up there, motherfucker!" "You know what to do down there!" "You're fucking lucky!" "You're fucking lucky I ran out of loads!" "Shut up, you little cock," " or I'll split your fucking wishbone." " It's all over." "Everybody, enjoy the evening." "Unhappy customer." "Let me the fuck go!" "I'll kill all of youse!" "I'll fucking kill all of youse!" "You draw down on the boss of a fucking family?" " Huh?" "!" " You lied to me!" "You were scoring coke with her!" "She admitted it!" "So what?" "!" "I can't relieve stress every once in a while?" "!" "I don't got enough fucking problems?" "You sent me to North Carolina so you could fuck my girlfriend." "What kind of fucking animal you think I am, huh?" "The thought never even entered my head!" "You're a man!" "You're alone in a car with her..." "You fucking pushed me to this." "You pushed me to this!" "Way I see it, he must've known the gun was empty." "Look what he pumped into your car." "What are you trying to say, Paulie?" "!" "What the fuck you trying to say, huh?" "!" "Either you tell me right now that you can take it into your heart that I did not do this shit... or this is as far as we go." " Motherfucker." " Tony, come on!" " Listen to somebody else for a change." " Fuck him." "Tony, try it my way." "Listen to me." "Mister..." "Sorriano," " what seems to be the matter?" " Soprano." "I'm fine." "It's my friend here who needs to talk to you." "You know where ER admitting is?" "Look, you got someplace maybe we could talk?" "It's 3:00 A.M., and I just finished a 17-hour rotation." "Any gunshot wounds or broken kneecaps?" "Two minutes." "You're an excellent doctor, that's why I brought him here." "Come on." "This gentleman here is the fiance of the young lady that I was with." "Now, he's got it into his head that there was oral sex going on at the time of the wreck." " Listen, I..." " Hey, hey, hey!" "Just a second." "Naturally, he's very upset, so I need you to tell him there wasn't." "He's obviously feeling the pressure, he's just gonna fucking lie." "I'm not in the custom of lying about anything, but whether somebody was getting something in the car, how could I possibly attest to that?" "Well, as the attending, you could explain" " how medically it's not possible." " Excuse me?" "If she was wearing her seatbelt, then there would have been abrasions to the lateral anterior aspect of the clavicle, wouldn't there?" "Or the right mid-sternum?" "Are you a physician?" "No, I'm a pre-board certified massage therapist." "So did she have any of those kind of things?" "Actually, yes, on the right clavicle and the sternum just above the xiphoid process which would indicate an upright position at the moment of impact." "So what he's saying is that she was sitting up." "All right." "Thank you, doctor." "Come on." "For the kids, the Make-A-Wish Foundation, whatever... here." "Thank you!" "What do you want from me?" "I guess I believe you." "All right." "You threw food at Vito." "That's got to be resolved." "He was fucking laughing, which was wrong." "But at this point now, it don't make no difference." "Even if it wasn't true, it's what people think." "They know you were out there scoring coke with her." "What do you care what people think?" "You know the truth." "I got to live in the world." "And now I look like Joe Jerkoff." "No, no, no, no." "You know what?" "I might as well have fucked her." "Thanks." "Hello?" "I rang the doorbell six times." " Nobody answered." " What are you doing here?" "I want to talk to you." "If you came to pick him up, he's not going." "Oh, so you believe all that shit they're saying, huh?" "Am I that horrible?" "Really?" "Where there's smoke, there's fire." "I don't know what you did." "What's gonna happen when your children hear about this?" " Meadow already suspects you." " Suspects what?" "She saw you at the club." "She said she thought you were coked out." "What are you talking about?" "I don't do drugs." "She knows about the accident." "What do you think she's gonna think?" "And with Anthony at that age?" "Oh, come on, the kids!" "The kids..." "It's about you!" "Fine, so it's all about me!" "What, do I mean nothing to you?" "!" "That I got to live with this swirling around me?" "Forget about what they're saying, I'm asking you." "You think I'd have sexual relations with her?" "Adriana, who's gonna be a member of this family?" "!" "Now I want you to answer me truthfully." "Look, I know I haven't been a fucking saint, all right?" "And you got plenty of issues of your own on that subject." "But you haven't exactly been a fucking saint yourself." "No, no, no, no, no, come here." "You think I would go near that girl like that?" "Thank you." "Look, I'm asking you to pull with me to put a good face on this thing." "For the sake of the kids and this family." "I got to bail you out?" "It's never-ending, your bullshit." "Use a fucking crosswalk!" "Jesus Christ." "Don't get all excited." "Most of it's from the accident." " You okay?" " What do you fucking think?" "Kicked out of my house," "I may have ulcerated colitis and you call me up." "We'd like your permission to put a listening device in your business." "This relationship with Tony could net us a lot of chatter." "Don't forget, it's him we're after." "There is no relationship!" "The faster we get Tony and put him away, the sooner you can get on with your life." "We can get a court order to install a device anyway," " but this will make our lives simpler." " Fuck you." "I do enough for you people." "You're not bugging my club." "Adriana... it's a syndrome, protecting abusers." "If it would've been Christopher alone in a car with a woman," "I would've killed him." "Arthur's sending something over with his compliments." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Enjoy." " Nice to see you, Ton'." " Oh, thank you." " Gravy's good tonight." " Mm-hmm." "Nice to see you." "I hope you have a pleasant evening." "Ladies." "# You woke up this morning #" "# Got yourself a gun #" "# Your momma always said you'd be the Chosen One #" "# She said you're..." "you're one in a million #" "# You've got to burn to shine #" "# But you were born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" "# When you woke up this morning #" "# And all that love had gone #" "# Your papa never told you about #" "# Right and wrong #" "# But you're..." "you're lookin' good, baby #" "# I believe that you're feelin' fine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes #" " # So sing it now # - # Woke up this morning #" "# Got a blue moon..." "got a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" "# You say you woke up this morning #" "# The world turned upside down #" "# Lordy, well, things ain't been the same #" "# Since the blues walked in our town #" "# But you're... but you're one in a million #" "# 'Cause you got that shotgun shine #" "# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #" "# With a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #" "# Woke up this morning #" " # Uh-huh # - # And got yourself a gun #" " # Woke up this morning # - # Got yourself a gun #" " # Uh-huh # - # Got yourself a gun. #" "What the fuck?" "Aw, shit!" "So, Bundino, why you fuck me like this?" "What the fuck you talkin' about?" "I got a whole leg covered with Neosporin." "I just spent an hour with the cops explaining' how it went down." "I no forget you professional criminal." "Let me ask you somethin'." "If I really wanted to rob you, you think I'd have to put up with this bullshit?" "Well, just so you know." "I didn't take your truck." "I lost my study guide, my fuckin' flashcards." "I'm sick of this fuckin' prejudice against ex-cons." "I never hire you if I no need Tony Soprano for union." "Not for him, I show you the fucking window." "Great." "Hey, I thought you liked the other one." "The Corn Pops." "Here, take it." "What, no juice either?" "I told you, write it down." "I'll have the girl pick up whatever you want." "She doesn't know the difference between fruit roll-ups and Pop-Tarts." "I know, everybody's an idiot to you." "You know they got these places called supermarkets where you go, and you buy the things that you like." "I'll reimburse you." "And when am I supposed to do that?" "Well, as far as I can tell, you spend most of your time on the phone or sittin' on the couch perfecting that pissy look on your face." "Add coming home drunk, sounds like you." " What the fuck did you say to me?" " Let the fuck go of me." "Or what?" "Or what?" "One of these days, you wait," "I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass." "What's wrong with right now then, huh?" "What's wrong with right now?" "Come on!" "Blah." "Now you got nothin'." "# Angels sent you #" "# I've searched everywhere #" "# Just to find someone... #" " Thank you, Mary." " You're welcome." "I hated to call you in but I got this midterm report from Mr. Fiske, Anthony's English teacher." "And, uh, well, it doesn't hit the mail for a few days and I thought maybe we could get a jump on it and avert any real crisis." "Wonderful, another crisis." "He's still well below the C average he needs for the colleges we discussed." "There is also an issue with his five paragraph essay." ""Animal Farm"?" "Anthony submitted his one-line topic late." "Then two drafts." "The first was apparently sketchy." "The second, Fiske said, was..." ""suspiciously cogent."" "Plagiarism." "He thinks my son cheated?" "He spent almost an entire Saturday afternoon at the library." " I think it's obvious what's going on." " What do you mean?" "Anyone else shows sudden improvement, he gets a gold star." "My son gets his act together and suddenly he's a cheater?" "I know what people think, Bob." "Italian-American, father in the carting industry..." "Are you suggesting some sort of bias?" "Because that's a very serious charge." "I have met this Mr. Fiske." "He's a cold fish." "Couldn't you or one of the other teachers talk to him?" "Tell him how hard AJ's trying?" "Nothing will make a better argument than continued effort on AJ's part." "But hey, there..." "there's still a shot." "This semester's grade is heavily weighted on their term paper" " on "Lord of the Flies."" " My stomach is in knots." "That's why I thought it important that you come in." "Though it... did take me about an hour to decide what to wear." "Me too." "Does that mean you've thought about my dinner offer?" "I probably shouldn't say this but I have thought about nothing else since you called." "Well, we can't do justice to any discussion of "Madame Bovary" over the phone." "That's the thing though." "That book was way over my head." "Why would you even be interested in someone like me?" "Because of just that." "I mean, who admits this stuff?" "Not only are you very attractive, you're unpretentious," " you say what's on your mind." " So a big mouth." "I see how that would attract a man like you." "So, should we grab a meal or not?" "Well, there are other things to think about." "My husband for one." "Your husband's gonna have to get used to the idea that your life is moving on." "I'm not worried about my life." "Oh!" "You know what?" "Call me naive, but in this day and age I don't really think your husband... if he found out... is going to break his son's teacher's legs." "Not to mention how that would play in the admissions office at Arizona State." "I don't get it." "What's so funny about that?" "Honey, aren't you gonna eat something?" "Janice made lasagna." "It's not so great but you need something on your stomach." "We're gonna go." "Got to stop at my mother's." "Gwen just told us how you met." "They let you use the internet in the can?" "They let you post an ad." "I got to read some of that shit." "I bet it's hysterical." "He's, uh... trying to concentrate." ""Vascular Physiology."" ""Neurotomy."" "Shit." "T made it out like it was a big gym test." "Some people don't realize what massage involves." "I'm practically doin' two years of medical school on my own right now." "One thing I learned in recovery, other people's definitions of you, sometimes they're more about makin' themselves feel better." "You got to define yourself." "Keep your eye on the tiger, man." " See you, Tony." " Bye." "I suppose I could speak with Monsignor Bava, have him call his nephew at Kmart." "That'll fix us in the Huggies department." "Well, the diaper drive covers "Clothe the naked."" "What do you say we work on "Feed the hungry"?" " This looks delicious." " Thanks for inviting me, Carm." "Pleasant surprise, indeed." "So, how goes life these days?" "Actually, I think I met somebody." " Really?" " Just kind of happened." "We had been working on this project together and suddenly we both realized that there were certain feelings." "And I like him as a person too, of course." "Don't get me wrong." "The funny thing is, I was sure he was gay." "He sort of reminded me of you." "He's an intellectual." "You know what I mean?" "Anyway, we had been friends, I guess, and then he called to ask me out." "And suddenly all the formality dropped away." "When I saw him the other day, he looked at me with this intensity." "Now I know it's wrong, but the truth is, I feel it too." "You know, if you really want to discuss this," "I think we should include Tony in the conversation as well." "Why are you sounding, I don't know, kind of hostile?" "I'm not." "Perhaps that's your sin talking." "This is none of Tony's business." "Who knows what he's been up to, and not just during the separation either." "That doesn't change the fact you made a commitment to each other before God." "Maybe you should send the papal nuncio to Tony and remind him of that." "Why am I the only one held to any kind of standards?" "And for that matter, if this is wrong, why did God put this man in my life?" "Is it God that put him there?" "Or is there a particular need you have right now?" "See, I never understand this." "Didn't He put the need there?" "Say when, señor." "You!" "Office!" "5:15, I haven't punched in yet." "This is still my time." "Yeah?" "I give you a hard time about my truck the other day." "Cops find two kids..." "Feel free to apologize any time." "Anyway, they investigate." "Could be joyride." "But I think maybe behind it is my cousin in the north side." " You know if they found my books?" " Who knows?" "You study hard for massage, yeah?" "The licensing test is pretty hard." "Huge failure rate." "If you pass, then what you do with this?" "Be a professional masseur." "You no think of massage "kageh"?" "You know, small sauna." "Yeah, I could see it." "Four or five tables, soothing atmosphere." "Pipe in a little Keith Jarrett." "First thing, I get stuck with you." "I think," ""Oh, shit." "God damn it." "He lazy American and criminal." "No good for Kim."" "But you work for Kim and future." "Like Korean people." "I wouldn't say that." "I come from Korea." "Only new shoes and uncle's address." "Worse than prison." "But I become "jah-soo-suhng-gah," the boss." "That's why I try to help you." "Help me how?" "What are you talking about?" "I stake you the money in a storefront." "I got a travel agency in mini-mall over at West Caldwell." "Shitty business with a fucking three-year lease." "You know, my daughter, very interested in massage." "Physical therapy." "Top two-thirds class." "Good for her." "It's a tough nut to crack." "She no like physical therapy no more." "Cripple people make her sad." "Now, she watch TV, live at home, do nothing." "You pass test then you, me, my daughter, we make the big success journey." "Okay?" "Jesus." "Yeah, all right." "I don't know what to say, Kim." "Thanks." "I laid it out for him." "He wants to move back here." " It's got to be with your approval." " This was your idea?" "It was mutual." "He's upset 'cause you don't get the kind of cereal he likes." "He threw it in the sink." "How am I supposed to focus at school with no breakfast?" "I got dizzy." "I'm sorry." "I don't see why the two of you can't work this out between yourselves." "Well maybe I don't want to live in a place where people use violence against children." "Violence?" "You're lucky I didn't put my shoe up your ass." "You see?" "Now that's abuse." "I know what my rights are." "I can call social services and they'll send a case worker." "Go ahead!" "He'll get the other shoe!" " This is demoralizing'." " Well, now maybe you see..." "That a son of mine would even consider calling' in the authorities!" " Go ahead, live where you want." " Fine." "Family meeting?" " Try to stay awake, AJ." " Keep walkin'." "I just want my old room back." "You wanted to live with your father." "Live with your decision." " I don't like it there." " Funny, I thought I was the problem." " I make you miserable, remember?" " I never said that." " You did." " Absolutely." "For me to even consider having you back, we're gonna have to establish some non-negotiable ground rules." " Like what kind?" " Let your mother talk." "First and foremost, school comes first." "That means putting the brakes on your social life... parties, phone calls, Devin." "You are at a crisis point grade-wise, so you will make sure that your work is done on time and correctly." "All right." "I will not tolerate cursing." "After 16 years of uninterrupted potty mouth from you people, I get slammed?" "This is my house." "You will treat me with respect." "Is that it?" "I want you to involve me in your life a little." "All right, fine." "All right." "Go get your stuff from the car." "We played that just right." "I think his time over there with me whipped him into shape a little." "Hmm." "I think you'll see a difference." "Which muscles attach to the coracoid process?" "Okay, I fucking know this." "It's on the tip of my tongue." "Oh, fucking study hall again." "Vito, where the fuck is my Tupperware?" "Keep your shirt on." "My wife's bringing it down this afternoon." "Pectoralis minor and the coracobrachialis, of course." "And?" " Come on." "Even I know this." " Fuck, fine, what is it?" " Biceps!" " What the fuck?" "Oh, fuck, I knew that." "My mind's all over the place." "Fear knocked at the door." "Faith answered." " There was no one there." " Why do you want to do this shit?" "So you can touch a bunch a strangers?" "You really skeeve the human body, don't you?" "You like this so much, let me ask you a question." "Why do pissing, shitting and fucking all happen within a two-inch radius?" "Everybody asks that, Paulie." "There's no answer for it." "They're all sources of pleasure, though." "Get the fuck out of here!" "I know this shit and then the next minute it's gone." "I don't know how you do it working full time." "If your parole officer's a problem, give our guy Jimmy Curran a call." "He's a supervisor." "It's not that." "It's all this pressure now that I got this opportunity." "Sungyon Kim, my boss, he's going to back me on a whole storefront operation." "The Korean?" "You're looking for money, why not come to me?" "Well, this is different." "This self-owned business shit is like a religion to these people." "Plus, the guy sees something in me." "You know, in some ways, the whole prison thing is not that different from being an immigrant." "Word to the wise:" "remember Pearl Harbor." "We really were the last people in there." "At least they were subtle about it." "Was it the stacking the chairs or running the vacuum?" "Relax." "Sorry." ""Madame Bovary."" "It's a first edition." "Well, Modern Library's first edition." "Thank you." "That is so sweet." "Honestly, though, I don't know." "The story's very slow." "Nothing really happens." "I think he could've said what he has to say" " with a lot less words." " Outside nothing happens." "But inside she has these extremes of boredom and exhilaration." "You should try it again." "And what a wonderful thing to have in a den." "You know, you look really beautiful in this light." "I don't do this a lot." "Do what?" "Sitting in a car, with a man, not really knowing what to do, or if I should at all." "And feeling like some teenager which was, believe it or not..." "I have to tell you." "I haven't been with anyone." "You're a virgin?" "This is my lucky night." "Stop with the jokes." "I'm so glad you're here." "So, how was it?" "Oh, cut it out." "So, what is "Abelard and Heloise"?" "It looks religious." "I just like to read in there." "It's the classic story." "A 12th century scholar falls in love with his underage student, gets her pregnant." "God, in the 12th century?" "And they're found out." "And her uncle, the abbot, has him castrated." "It's timeless, really." "Even though he becomes a monk and she a nun, their passion burns on through these incredible letters through the rest of their lives." "You, with these books." "Education should never stop." "It enriches all aspects of life." "Hmm, I know." "I wish someone could convince AJ of that." "I keep thinking he could start over in college but who knows if he's even going to get the chance?" "He will." "All our students matriculate." "You got to be fucking kidding me." "No way!" "Why do they take so long?" "All they have to do is spit out the results." "5-6-2-4-7- 3-7-32-11." "That's me." "Blundetto." "I'm only authorized to inform you that your score meets or exceeds the required minimum for licensure." "And you're now board certified in massage and body work by the state of New Jersey." "Honey, you passed." "You passed!" "Oh Jesus." "I couldn't have done it alone." "Oh my God, look at you." "You did it, baby." "You did it." "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "It's been a month since my last confession." " Carmela?" " I had sex with that man." "I know we talked about commitment, the sacrament of marriage, but..." "I don't know." " You sound remorseful." " I am." "I'm also confused, though." "The truth is I have been walking around on a cloud, like Maria in "West Side Story."" "It's not right." "Have you heard of "Abelard and Eloise"?" "I think it's "Heloise."" "And from what I remember it ends badly." "I know, exactly." "But, something in me has been reawakened." "And even if it never happens again with this man, just knowing that feeling of passion again," "I don't know if it's ever going to go away." " I'll need it." " If it never happens again?" "Carmela, I can't absolve you of a sin you're going to continue to commit." "You need to show resolve, a firm purpose to change." "Yeah, I know, I know." "So, this man takes you to restaurants, fulfills certain physical desires, tells jokes." "But will he be there beyond the here and now?" "When you're too old to walk to the bathroom, will he be there to help you?" "What, and you think Tony will?" "Carmela, you took a vow." "You both did." "For your penance, I want you to do something kind for Tony." " I don't think I can, Father." " Then pray for him, not only that God will touch his heart but that He'll touch yours as well." "It's not much now, but it's a pretty flexible space." "Plus you got the dog groomer next door in case your Korean friend wants some lunch." "You know they really do eat dogs." " Not all of them but I asked Kim." " Jesus Christ." "I'm thinking of building a row of rooms here with different themes." "Asian for shiatsu, a little Danish thing for Rolfing, even though technically it's Swedish." "Well, sounds like it's all coming together." "Look, Ton', I know you're disappointed." "What the fuck you talking about?" "The way things turned out since I left the can." "Going civilian." "Over here I'm going to put an oasis with big plants." "Like a waiting area for the customers." "They could buy some $30 hand cream while they look at one of those fountains with the koi in it." " I can get you the koi." " Really, giant carp?" "How the fuck do you get that?" "It's done." "Don't give it another thought." " Tony, you here?" " Up front." "Hey." "I came by to get the keys." "I would have gone by the laundry but my dad's such a hard-on at work." "Tell me about it." "Amanda, this is my cousin Tony." " Hey." " Hey, how are you?" "Hey, do you believe there's a dog groomer there in case somebody needs a snack?" "Place is nice." "A little paint, maybe..." " Amanda, This is my cousin Christopher." " Hey." "So, I met this guy at a club on Canal." "He says he can hook us up with ginseng, fake rhino, nerve tea, all that herbal shit." "We could keep it up front with the koi thing." " If we're still doing that." " Koi's taken care of." "Well, I got to book." "Nice meeting you guys." "What's she here for, happy endings?" "She's not going to do massage at all." "She's Kim's daughter." "She's trying to find herself." "She'll do the books and shit." "Oh." "Nice ass." "Those ceiling tiles come right out so I can install the sound system myself." "Think you could put in a word with number one daughter there?" " For what?" " Get some of that Kung Pao kootchie." "You fucking guys, this is important to me." "Sex agrees with you." "You look great." "You're being discreet, right?" "Well, sneaking around is actually half the fun." "It's like you have this secret, you know, you want to scream to the world." "Yeah, but do yourself a favor, though, huh?" " Yeah." " So, how was it?" "Uh, I will say that he took his time." "Oh, you're not getting off that easy." "Come on, details." " Hello there." " Hey, AJ." "Hey, Aunt Ro." "How was school?" "It sucked." "Mr. Wegler pulled me out of language lab to go over my term paper notes." "I didn't have my stuff with me so he puts his faggy hand on my shoulder and says "Do your best."" "That's his job, to get you into college." "Or maybe he's just a big homo." "Could be." "I'm making ziti for dinner." "Go start your assignments." "I will call you." "Could I watch TV first?" "Promise me you're going to work later." " But you got to help me." " I will." " I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, my Jackie." " Oh, honey." "They never caught those goddamn Chinks who killed him." "Oh my God." "It hurts." "So I'm finding the other copy when Gene the actuary" " completely unloads on me." " Jerk." "Like yelling is going to make me do anything but screw up more." "You know you have to remember that when you're the boss." "The boss." "It's amazing, isn't it?" "Jerks." "Garbage pails are right there." "Come on." " Holy fuck!" " What?" "!" "Oh my God, is it a fetus?" " Oh my God!" " Shh!" " It's crack, or crank maybe." " They were drug dealers?" "Yeah, they were probably thinking they were being tailed by the cops." "Honey, your parole." "Happy?" "Come on." "I have never seen that much money before." "There's got to be 10-12 grand." "Look at this." "You're doubly blessed." "You're right." "Kim, now this." "I am going to buy you a ring." "You are the sweetest, sweetest man." "But you should put it into the business." "See, I got to start thinking like that." "It's a learning curve." "Well, it seems to say here that this Piggy represents intellectualism over the physical." "So maybe the eyeglasses are symbolic." "And that's a good topic for section two in your outline." "AJ!" "Wake up!" "I'm not going to do this by myself." "How are you going to finish this paper?" "It's not going to write itself." "So now this so-called bag, you sure it wasn't on some old lady's arm?" "I can't believe she thought it was a baby." "People do that shit." "12 grand?" "Madonn' mi'." "How many guys you got to jerk off on a massage table to make that?" "I don't know." "What do you charge without the table?" "Cristal, gentlemen?" "Keep it coming, honey." "From now on, anytime somebody steps in a pile a shit, it'll be known as a Blundetto." "To the Blundetto!" " Oh, wait." " Oh." " I'm sorry." " I wasn't ready." "# Cross over the river, beyond every cloud #" "# She's past the wind #" "# Blowing loud #" "# Over the mountain #" "# A girl waits for me... #" "My God, you scared me." "What are you doing here?" "Jesus." "Nice greeting." "How are you?" "Everything okay?" "AJ left this in his room." "Thought he might need it to turn in." "Did you even look at this?" "Who the hell is Anne Dunham?" "How the hell should I know?" "Well, she's obviously some girl who was an expert on "Lord of the Flies" three years ago." "This is an A-plus paper." "Since when do you eat duck?" "I can't believe he would do this." "Neither can I, considering how tight he is with money." "That's not what I meant." "You think he bought this?" "God damn it!" "Hello?" "Hi, I was just laying here thinking about you." "What are you wearing?" "Yes, hello, Mr. Wegler." "I'm afraid now is not a good time." "I'm serious." "I want to know." "Uh, well, yes." "Thank you very much." "I will make sure that he brings it in." "Okay." "Goodbye, Mr. Wegler." "I made reservations at that crab place down by the shore." "Dinner and a little night swimming." "Right, okay." "Thank you." "What did that fag want?" "Jesus Christ, Tony, everybody's a fag to you." "Maybe you're a fag, you ever think about that?" "Can I help it if I know one when I see one?" "Really?" "What are the signs..." "education, culture?" "Sucking a guy's cock usually tips me off." "How do you know who sucks whose cock?" "You got a little secret?" "And what do you care, anyway, if somebody's gay?" "It must be some big fear of yours or you wouldn't talk about it so much." "I forget now." "What part of hell did you say they go to?" "Are they with the abortion doctors or the child molesters?" " That was a long time ago." " Now you're all open-minded that you got a couple of friends that are bologna smokers." " Right?" " What the fuck are you doing?" "Going for a swim." "Would you leave your goddamn socks here?" "Your underpants?" "# A girl waits for me. #" "Hey, that's some beautiful suit." "I had to get it." "It went with the shoes." "Whose got those?" "Vito's guy?" "Vasily's, custom-made." "Only thing I ever found in the street is my first wife." "Dealer has 20." "Son of a bitch." " Whoa." " I just took a beating at craps." " How you guys doing?" " Pocahontas here is scalping us." "What's the matter?" "Just nothing." "I don't know." "I just keep thinking about AJ and that girl's paper." "Oh, it's a pretty common thing, Carm, really." "Honestly, you know, the important thing is you took a stand." "A lot of parents just take it in stride, or even condone it." "It's just the cheating, you know." "It's just not like him." "He's always done his work." "Poorly, a lot of the time, and late but he always did it, he never cheated." "Well, wait." "Didn't I read somewhere in his record that he stole a test at Verbum Dei?" "Please, no, that was just acting out." "He was with a bad crowd." "They were there to vandalize the science lab, but it was locked, so they stole some tests." "Well, I was a late bloomer too." "Union college took a chance on me because they saw that I had potential, but I wasn't that mature." "That's all this is." "AJ's just fighting to keep peace with the kids who seem further ahead." "You know, you ask me, I think he was driven to cheating." "It's that-that Mr. Fiske." "He is ridiculous with the pressure." "I mean, how hopeless would you feel if you really worked on something and still got a "D"?" "I have been there, Carm." "You're worrying for nothing, I promise." "I have thought about this all day." "You know I almost called you from the faculty parking lot." " Oh, Bob." " What?" "Stop." "Bob, I..." "What's the matter?" "I can't right now, I'm sorry." "I'm too upset." "Carmela, stay." "What are you doing?" "What kind of mother am I?" "I mean, look at us." "Do you realize under the laws of the Church I am still married?" " The Church?" " I can't do this tonight." " I'm sorry." " Jesus, Carmela, come on." "# Thrill me, thrill me #" "# Walk me down the lane where shadows will be #" " # Will be, hiding lovers... #" "Okay, thanks." "It was a fucking blast." "You sure you don't want to eat?" "Steak and eggs up by Skyway's." " Oh, I can't." " Come on, shut the door." "I'm going to mange then hit the sack for the next 14 hours." "# They told me be sensible with your new love. #" "Hey, I thought once they move you upstairs you get to leave early." "No such luck." "Got a second?" "The Soprano kid." "How is he doing?" "Got his paper yet?" "Well, the usual." "Solidly below average." "So what, a "C"?" "Well no, that's a little generous for 10% insight," " 90% Cliff Notes." " This is an important class, Tom." "Anything less than a "C" is going to blow that kid out at Arizona State." "You think it's going to make a difference?" "As dean of college admissions and head of your department," "I happen to know it's a fact." "He's doing his best." "Well, like my dad used to say," ""The world needs ditch diggers too."" "Let me ask you something." "How is floating this kid a C-minus going to fuck things up here?" "AJ Soprano's a spoiled lox." "He'd be lucky to go to a trade school." "It's a D-plus." "Tom, cut him a break." "So what does it mean to the kid who really breaks his ass in here if Fredo Corleone can get a "C" 'cause you asked?" "Is that what this is about?" "His background?" "Good night." "I'll be working over at the place." "That's good dedication." "Way to go." "See, regular people need a place to relax too." "They can't just hop on a plane to the Bahamas, right?" "Hey, guys, what do you think of Daddy's business?" "Jason, Justin, I'm talking to you." " I like it." " Yeah, it's nice." "Maybe someday when this thing takes off you guys can work here, like as a summer job or something." "Would you like that?" "Working with your old man?" "Sure." "All right, put those away." "You got to do your homework before I take you back or your mom's going to kill me." "Mom says we need helmets to ride the scooters you got us." "We'll stop at Sports Authority." " Come on, do your homework." " Where?" "I don't know." "Here, on the floor over there." "Hold it like this." "Ready?" "Ha!" " That was fast." " I took a shortcut." "You ever think of painting that ceiling?" "Maybe." "How about a glow-in-the-dark solar system like I had in college?" " I was thinking blue, maybe." " Mm." "You know, like when you stick your hand in the Caribbean." "Oh, yeah." "Do you think Union College is a good place for AJ?" "I don't know." "It could be." "You know, maybe you could tell them how he's a lot like you were when you were his age." "That's a thought." "So have you ever been to the Caribbean?" "Yeah, Barbados once, years ago." " Oh, it was beautiful." " Yeah, it is." "Maybe you could bring up the fact that he has ADD, because it's not the stigma it once was." "That's true." "It isn't." "Where are you going?" "Mmm." "Faculty lunch, right?" "Patty D'Amico brought them." "What's the matter, you okay?" "Maybe we should take a time out." "What?" "Really, why?" "Because every time I think about putting the arm on Tom Fiske" "I want to poke my eyes out with a knitting needle." "What does that have to do with us?" "I just think we should, uh... not do this." "Oh... no, no." "Here tell me." "I don't know any other way to put this." "I've been thinking and..." "I don't know, I..." "I think you're a user, Carmela." "What?" "Maybe you saw an opportunity in me and you just took what you needed." "Oh, that is not true." "I am here because I enjoy being with you." "It-it was wonderful, in fact." "Yeah, it was." "I mean, it is, I know." "How could asking someone you're with for help be using them?" "That's what people do." "Bob, this hurts." "Oh my." "Oh, my stomach." "I feel sick." "You strong-armed me using the only weapon you have... your pussy." "How dare you talk to me that way?" "Okay, let's pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." "I don't." "Of course I don't have a fucking master's degree." "Leaving me with a massive hard-on the other night then practically attacking me sexually after you got what you wanted." "You know what, Bob?" "You are fucked up." "You need help, you know that?" "What a fucking idiot I am!" "Take it easy." "Believe it or not, I thought you cared about me." " I thought you should know how I feel." " Fuck you!" "You better watch your step." "Jesus Christ, it's 4:00 A.M." "Okay, boys, hands on the table." "Full boat." "Jesus Christ." " Three fucking jacks over here." " You just keep jacking, my friend." " That's it for me." "Tapioca." " You blew the whole 12 grand?" "What, are you stupid?" "I got $400 left." "I punch-in in two hours." "There's no sense going home." "Oh, fuck." "Hello?" " Hey, hon, I'm over at your mom's." " Great." "Roadway Express delivered five massage tables." "There?" "They had that address by mistake." "I told them to deliver here." "They're still in the boxes." "I looked inside though." "They're pretty spiff." "That Salamanca fabric was worth it." " It's like leather almost." " Great." " What's the matter?" " This shit gives me a headache, details and all that stuff." "Oh you." "It's no big, for gosh sake." "We'll get Rudy's truck." " Maybe I have a brain tumor." " Honey, you don't." "I got this headache in my jaw." "I read it in "Time" magazine." "It's really not that likely, Jeez." "I got to get back to the painting or I'll never get out of here tonight." "I am so fucking sick and tired of your gambling and complaining." "I've got a headache!" "When I think of me waiting outside that prison for you to come out I want to vomit." "I am sick!" "I'm evil..." "Hey, Henry Ford." "Big entrepreneur." "I like color." "My friend Pak come by?" "Fix the toilet?" "It's not fixed." "He's got to get a fucking part." "Oh, Pak, he good plumber." "Right over here, Wes-a Calwell." ""Wes Cahwel, Wes Cahwel."" "West Caldwell." "So, partner, we open in three day, huh?" "You fucking stroll in?" " I'm over here busting my fucking ass!" " You fucking crazy!" "I work in your fucking laundry all fucking day!" "You fucking scam artist!" "Fuck." "Ah!" "The pole is bent." "Somebody been punching this door?" "If you had a man around you wouldn't need to call me." "Yeah, right." "You're still young, Mel, a good-looking woman." "There's no reason you shouldn't move on with your life, if that's what you want." "Well, there actually was somebody." "And he seemed very nice." "Oh, that's good." "He was a wolf in sheep's clothing." "He made all these accusations about my character." "Whatever I say, whatever I do, because I was married to a man like Tony, my motives will always be called into question." "Well." "Hey." "Sit down." "You want something?" "What did you do?" "My back." "Fucking job." "A work-related injury." "So, here's the thing." "You mentioned you might need someone to run the swag airbags." "Bring me a vodka rocks and get me some kind of a cushion, will you?" "What happened with the massage parlor?" "It's hard doing business with strangers." "# I got a heart full of trouble #" "# A house full of sin #" "# Things are bad as they ever been #" "# If trouble were money #" "# I'd have more money than any man should #" "# I'm open for business in your neighborhood #" "# The blues is my business and business is good #" "# If I had a dollar for every broken heart #" "# I'd be drinking fine wine and eating caviar #" "# If trouble were money #" "# I'd have more money than any man should, yeah #" "# I'm open for business in your neighborhood #" "# The blues is my business and business is good, yeah #" "# Business and business is good #" "# The blues is my business and business is good #" "# The blues is my business #" "# The blues is my business #" "# I'm open for business in your neighborhood #" "# The blues is my business and business is good #" "# All right #" "# Oh, all right, yeah #" "# Hey, hey, hey, hey. #"