"I do cocaine!" "?" "?" "?" "(indistinct) ?" "GUARD:" "Rockstein!" "Leonard Rockstein?" "Kuh kuh kuh." "A kuh kuh kuh!" "INMATE:" "Hey Rockso, fuck you!" "Ugh." "Toki." "Oh thank God, you gotta get Dr. Rockso outta here." "I can't tell you what they're doing to me in the joint!" "Shuts up Rockso." "You has beens a constant source of diskappoinksaments." "Gugug gug guh" "Enoughs!" "Evers since I knows yous you acts likes a dildos." "And yous used to bes a greats rock and roll clowns!" "You used to bes a STAR!" "But looks at you now." "You're like a dogs whats bloated and rottings on the sides of the roads." "Likes a turds in a toilets ins an abandons buildings whats no ones even flushes." "Likes a dead whore whats the police won't even investigate 'cause no ones cares!" "Okay baby, I get the idea." "Buts dens I realized." "Dats it." "You amments ons tops and dats why you has slumps to de bottoms of garbage." "You needs to be backs on tops, Rockso." "Im's going to balls you out and helps you reforms your old band" "Zazzblammymatazz!" "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "?" "?" "I'll...teach you... to...rock... ?" "?" "Dethklok, Dethklok ?" "?" "Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree ?" "?" "Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee ?" "?" "William Murderface Murderface Murderface ?" "?" "Pickles the drummer doodily doo ?" "ding dong doodily doodily doo?" "?" "Nathan Explosion ?" "?" "?" "TOKl:" "I am prouds to announce de officials reunions of ZazzBlammymatazz." "De firsts in overs 20 years!" "How do you plan on paying for the concert?" "Huh?" "Uh um..." "I don't knows actually." "Hows did I pays for dis?" "You, uh, used the Dethklok vacation fund." "That's how you funded Rockso's reunion." "I dids?" "Oh, I means, I dids!" "Yeah!" "Wait wait, Toki used his portion of the vacation fund, right?" "Uh, all of it." "Your vacation is gone." "Right, right." "I hear you." "Soooooo what about our vacation?" "Yeah, what about our vacation?" "Uh, talk to Toki." "Hey Toki, what about our vacation?" "Pickles." "It's gone." "That's what I'm trying to tell you." "What about the trip though?" "I mean Disneyland?" "Then Euro-Disney and then Asia-Disney?" "It was a complicated multi- faceted trip with our big eared pal, Mickey!" "Well, it is not happening." "You're gonna have to stay here." "Toki!" "Why did you spend our vacation money?" "Guys!" "Looks don't worries!" "Alls we gots to does is sells a bunch of tickets, makes sure Dr. Rockso performs, and dens we makes our money backs, and thens we goes on vacations!" "Easy!" "You think this is the first time that group of fucking clowns has tried to reunite?" "Whats do you means?" "There was that one time they almost reunited but Rockso drank a bunch of acid right before they went onstage and spent the whole night spraying some lady with huge tits in the front row with a big spraying thing and they didn't even play one song." "Cancelled." "Then there was that one time they were supposed to reunite but Rockso, the night before, smuggled" "like 20 condoms worth of cocaine into his intestines." "Then he ate some super spicy Mexican food and the condoms melted and he ODed and he couldn't perform." "Cancelled." "There was that one time they were about to reunite and Rockso borrowed $20 million from that" "Ecuadorian drug cartel and they were like, "Give us our money back,"" "and he was like, "No, I'm not giving you your money back,"" "and they were like, "Well, we're going to shoot you,"" "and he was like, "Well, fine." "Shoot me."" "And they shot him." "Now he pees out the side of his dick." "And, uh, they cancelled the show." "So..." "that's what I heard..." "Yeah..." "I heard that." "Guys!" "Don'ts worries." "I knows Rockso." "Dis times its gonna be different!" "Toki, there is something wrong with you." "You're right!" "You're fucked in the head to continue helping dat fucking clown." "By God in heaven I hate that clown." "He is shit personified." "Toki, we should have a professional look at you." "Fines with mes but mentallys I ams healthys as a horse." "(screams)" "Oh gods." "Oh!" "Oh goooods!" "Why is Toki screaming?" "Oh, well that ams a bicentennials quarters on the ground right there, isn't it?" "Toki has an unnatural fear of Bicentennial quarters." "No other currency." "He just fucking freaks out, I mean." "So I've prescribed him some medical "calm down juice"" "to help him rest, catch some fucking Z's... just fuckin hangin' out now." "Anyway we need to you to find out what's wrong with him." "What the fuck is it with him and that clown?" "For that I will need total concentration." "I'm going to attempt to rock talk into Toki's mind." "Now Toki," "I know that you can hear me." "It's Dr. Twinkletits." "(whimpers)" "That's it..." "That's it..." "Hear me Toki..." "I hears you." "Take me back." "Take me away from all this into your childhood." "I was just a boy." "Helpings des familys with de daily chores." "Liftings de rocks and arrangings dems." "Makins sure de fire woods am stacked symmetricls." "Sweepins de snow." "A lots wents intos a days works." "I was happy." "I loveds my life." "Buts occasionally I woulds makes mistakes and has to be punisheds." "I spents so manys days in my childhoods years in de punishments hole." "But whats my parents didn't knows dats I hads a friends with me." "A friends who listeneds to me and kepts me safe." "As longs as my friends was dere nobodys could hurts me." "Ka-ka-- I love you!" "I loves yous too, clown." "Yeeechk." "Ticket sales are slumping for the Zazzblammymatazz reunion show and paying the price is financial backer, Dethklok." "How do you sell tickets to a show that no one believes will ever happen?" "I don't know..." "Good luck, fellas!" "Here's what I know." "Toki's not using his brain, he's making decisions with his dumb gay heart so we gotta step up and take over this stupid fucking ZazzBlammymatazz project." "But nobody's gonna buy any tickets 'cause the world doesn't believe they're actually gonna reunite!" "Maybe I can help." "If you like I can book a press junket that will generate so much heat, it'll make your head spin." "But it's up to all of you." "Look there's nothing I hate more than that fucking clown, but there isn't anything I won't do to hang out with Mickey Mouse!" "?" "?" "Now listens Rockso." "We needs to takes dis seriously and sells des peoples on de ideas that dis concerts reallys gonna happens!" "Now gets in theres and dos a greats job!" "I think Dr. Rockso knows what he's doing when it comes to promoting rock-ka-ka roll, baby!" "interviewer:" "I'm sitting here with Leonard Rockstein" "AKA Dr. Rockso, the Rock-n-Roll clown." "Thank you, Dr. Rockso, for being with us." "Cocaine!" "interviewer:" "Thanks for your bravery considering what we're about to discuss." "Dr. Rockso, what you don't know is that we've uncovered the never-before-told story of your horrible demise." "A story of loss." "A story of a broken heart." "Let's go back to 1 981," "Zazzblammymatazz is on top of the world on a huge US tour." "But you made a little pit stop in Texas." "Guys, Texas doesn't take any fucking shit, alright?" "They do NOT like Rock-n-Roll clowns." "Oh, man, Rockso's gonna be on his best b-b-behavior!" "interviewer:" "You met a girl there." "A girl named Dory McLean." "ROCKSO:" "Dory McLean." "interviewer:" "The love of your life." "In fact, you wrote this song about her " ""Dory McLean and she only fourteen" "She gonna suck it all night" "She a sweet sucking queen."" "And that was no joke." "Dory McLean was indeed 14 years old." "You had sexual encounters with a 14-year-old minor." "Word got out." "You became the chief target for local police and they wanted your blood." "Your only way out was to disappear." "You gave up everything you had." "You gave up your music, the band." "You gave up the girl that you loved." "You gave up your soul." "And now you sit before us a worthless piece of shit." "Folks, we'll be right back with more" "Dr. Rockso, the rock and roll clown." "And we're out." "Great job, everybody!" "Thanks so much!" "Great work!" "Can I get a water?" "Rockso can't do this." "It's too much!" "I ka-ka-ka-ka-quit!" "Noooooo!" "The comeback concert of the decade is happening." "The tickets have been sold." "Dethklok put their necks out on the line for an old has-been rock and roll clown." "But will he show?" "Where is Dr. Rockso?" "Will he pull it together after his breakdown during his emotional in depth interview?" "Where the fuck is that stupid clown!" "I mean, he just fucking disappeared!" "He ams gones." "Dissappeareds." "Likes a white falcons in a snow storms." "But guys he's gotta do the show or we won't get to go on vacation." "Oh, we're fucked." "I knew it!" "We just want to relax!" "Yeah, Tokis!" "?" "Has you gots anythings to says abouts dis!" "Dis ams yours fault!" "Hellooooos?" "Ams dere anysbodies in dere?" "Aah!" "Aaaahh!" "Looks like we gotta scalp tickets." "It's the only way we're gonna make our vacation money back." "Uh, I mean, uh, what I mean -- uh, nothing." " Scalping tickets?" " Uhhh Nope." "Are you planning on scalping tickets?" "No...fuck off." "I mean, I mean, uh, how's it going?" "What's up?" "I mean..." "is that a new suit?" "Guys, scalping tickets is illegal and it's stealing from yourself." "It might be in your best interest to watch this short subject on the ramifications of ticket scalping." "Please, uh, please watch." "Hey folks, it's me, Facebones and I'm here today to talk about ticket scalping!" "What's ticket scalping anywho?" "It's when you take tickets or buy 'em or steal 'em and hoard 'em and sell 'em at the last second and hike up the price for your own personal profit!" "Who is a scalper?" "A scalper could be a big guy, a lady, your mom or dad, or a homeless guy just trying to make enough money to get a sandwich." "But here's what we say to scalpers at Dethklok shows " "That's scalping, I'm Facebones!" "Fuck that shit." "I'm scalping' my ass off." "Scalpin's awesome!" "So there you go, but I know you guys are worried about Rockso so " "Not worried about him." "Worrying is fucking gay and it's gross." "We're concerned about what he represents to us financially." "Well, either way, it's in your best interest to find the clown." "NATHAN:" "Guys, you think it's okay we left Toki at home while we go looking for Rockso?" "PlCKLES:" "Yeah, he'll be fine." "Guys, what if Toki never comes out of his punishment hole?" "What?" "You means musically?" "We'll be fines." "Look, he's in our band, we've got to help him." "Well if we get Rockso back, then we get Toki back." "If you want to get the clown back, then you've got to get the girl back." "Dory McLean." "We can't go around chasing after a 14-year-old girl." "It will not look good." "We could get arrested." "Pickles, it's been over 20 years." "She's a grown up now." "Listen, if you get the girl back, you get the clown back." "If you get the clown back, you get to put on the show." "Put on the show, you get your money back and then you get to go on vacation!" "PlCKLES:" "Wait a minute... how is she not 14 years old again?" "ROCKSO:" "Ka-ka-hello?" "Hmmm..." "Ka ka-- anybody home?" "Ka-ka..." "Got a tanker of jet fuel ready to trade for some" " Kaaaa!" "(screaming)" "They must had all died from snorting this ka-ka-ka-- crap." "Dr. Rockso cain't have you lovin'." "No more throbbing' clown bone in yo' wet oven, no mo'." "No mo'." "Ka-ka-- Goodbye Dory McLean." "?" "?" "Uh moga ba bo bo buuuuh." "Come and get a little bit of this." "Check it out now." "I'm a elephant face sucking on a big ole one of these now." "Oh, look out!" "Aww, I just made a mess all over." "I'm monna kill you." "I'm monna kill you." "He monna kill you." "He monna kill you." "He monna kill you!" "He monna kill you!" "He monna kill you!" "I'm monna kill you." "I'm monna kill you." "I'm monna kill you." "I'm monna kill you." "I'm monna kill you." "I'm monna kill you." "(stuttering)" "Cocaine!" "I'm alive!" "Yeah!" "Rockso, get your shit together." "You're coming with us and I'll tell you why." "We found her." "Dory McLean is coming to your show." "And she wants to see you." "She wanna see Dr. Rockso?" "After you perform." "Hey you guys, pack up this fucking clown." "We got a show to go to." "PlCKLES:" "Okay Rockso, we got you to the show, we tracked down the girl of your dreams but now, you gotta help us out." "By helping out our friend, Toki." "He needs the clown." "Needs that clowns." "Yeah." "Do it, fuckface." "Now let's get to that scalping'!" "Who needs a ticket?" "Got two!" "Got two!" "Hey you!" "You need tickets to the show?" "Why don't you fuck off dickface?" "Dickface?" "Do I look like a dickface?" "No comment." "I can't sell any of these fucking tickets." "Franklin Mint?" "(disembodied voice) The monster is coming." "The monster is coming." "The monster is coming." "It's me." "Your ol' pal, Dr. Rockso!" "I could never leave you alone." "We're best friends." "We're best friends forever!" "Oh, Rockso you back!" "That's right, ka-ka-ka-- baby!" "What's abouts de show?" "You don't think I'd do that show without Toki?" "Oh, Dr Rockso." "TOKl:" "Ladies and gentlesmans!" "Tonights it ams my honors to gives to yous the ultimates in rocks and roll survivors." "For de first time in over 20 years," "ZAZZ BLAMMYMATAZZ!" "?" "Take a flight up to China ?" "?" "Up to Donna's little wonderland ?" "?" "Two eyes staring right at you ?" "?" "Shooting white lightning from her mammary glands ?" "?" "baby caught my eye ?" "?" "I wanna snort those thighs ?" "?" "Wanna sniff your soul ?" "?" "Oooohhhh ?" "?" "Dory McLean, she's only 14 ?" "?" "gonna suck it all night ?" "?" "she's a sweet sucking queen ?" "?" "you gotta suck it and stay with me ?" "?" "Dory ?" "Oh!" "We dids it!" "Great work pal!" "Toki!" "I never though I'd say this, but Dr. Rockso is fucking amazing!" "Thanks!" "Hey Murderface!" "Did you ends up scalping dems tickets?" "Fuck yeah!" "I sold every one!" "Awesome!" "How much did you makes?" "Fuck dude!" "I'll show you!" "Look at all these quarters!" "Nooooooo!" "Ohhhh god no!" "Fire!" "There's a fire!" "Let's get out of here!" "Oh sorry." "I guess I fucksed up your whole stupids comesbacks." "Oh well..." "He's on drugs right now." "So just take everything he says with a grain of salt." "Fuck you!" "Guys, uh, an Act of God clause-fire protection saved our asses again." "Rockso, I'm so sorry that this went down like this but, uh, we're going on vacation now." "Guys, maybe we should do it now." "Rockso?" "K-- what?" "You may have forgotten but we haven't." "Say hello to Dory McLean." "Leonard?" "It's me, Dory." "Dory McLean." "Damn, you got ka-ka-ka-- old!" "Well happens to the best of us." "Eech!" "Yeah." "I grew up." "Ka-ka-ka-ew." "I'm married to a lawyer." "You're fat." "Well, Leonard, it's really, really nice to see you again." "Uhhh yeah." "You old." "Well I'm glad I got to say hi, so uh I'm going to get going." "C'mon Chastity!" "Huh?" "Chastity?" "!" "Oh, she's my daughter." "Ka-ka-ka-- hellooo!"