"He's so dreamy!" " His eyes shine like a thousand rubies." "His eyes look like he's been swimming in a pool with too much chlorine." "He is one hot vampire." "And he's going to be a guest star on "so random!" this week!" "Goodness, that's quite a reception." "Thank you." "Listen, everyone, I have wonderful news." "Jackson tyler is here and he's all sweaty." "I bet his sweat shines like a thousand rubies." "He may be sweaty and shiny, but he's not here." "He had to cancel." " No!" " Yes!" "Listen, here's the good news:" "I found someone even better to guest star on "so random!" this week." "Hello, randoms." "So which one of you girls is gonna get me a "sammich"?" "* off to the races, I'm going places * * might be a long shot, not gonna waste it * * this is the big break and it's calling my name * * yeah * * so far, so great, get with it *" "* at least that's how I see it * * having a dream is just the beginning * * so far, so great, believe it * * can't take aw this feeling * * taking a ride, chance on my side *" "* yeah, I can't wait * * so far, so great, so far, so great * * ba ba da da-da, ba da da da-da * * ba ba da da-da, ba da da da-da *" "Whoo-hoo, look at me!" "I'm all funny." "Gimme that!" "Now I can't believe I'm actually gonna say this," "But here's your sammich." "Oooh, and you cut the crust off the way my mommy does." "Hey, so I don't know how you do things over at "mackenzie falls,"" "But over at "so random!" we like to treat our furniture with a little respect." "Okay, but isn't this the same table" "That grady used as a toilet in the baby boom-boom sketch?" "Oh, so you do watch our show." "Heh!" "No, I have people who watch it for me." "Apparently that sketch was amusing." "Well, here's the script for this week's sketch." "Maybe you should have your mommy read it to you." "Why would I put my mommy through that?" "Oh, for the record, I am looking forward to working with you this week." "Oh, well, that's very nice." "Thank you." "Me too." "Oooh-- before I forget, I should give you a heads up about something." "Yeah, sure, what's up?" " By the end of the week, you're gonna fall in love with me." "I'm sorry." "I could have sworn you just said I was going to fall in love with you." "All my leading ladies fall in love with me." "Go ask tisdale." "Or hudgens." "Or yourself by week's end." "Are we done here?" " I'm just telling you this because I like you." "Well, I'm just telling you this because I like you:" "I don't like you!" "Maybe you should just take your sammich and get out of here." "Gomez." "Now listen, dave, this is crucial." "I need an accordion, a plate of smoked fish" "And three nerds for the glipnorf sketch." "Come in, come in." "Right away, mr." "Pike." "Wow, marshall, we've never seen you like this." "You're a beast." " Any man who sits behind this desk has to call the shots." "Ah, but it comes with a price." "What kind of price?" "See him?" "That was me two years ago." "Why is there a cat on your head?" " That was my hair." " Ooh!" "There's a lot of pressure in this job." "Anyway, thanks for coming, boys." "I need a favor." "Uh, anything, marshall, anything." "Good." "Chad dylan cooper's going to use your dressing room this week." " Both:" "What?" "!" " No, no way." "Excuse me, marshall," "Chad needs you to get rid of the dolls in his dressing room." "What does he mean dolls?" "Those are action figures." "Yeah, and they're quite collectible." "All right, look look look," "I tell you what:" "You're doing me a favor, I'll do you a favor." "You can use my office for the week." "Absolutely" " Glad to do it!" " That's the spirit." "Now listen, if you boys need anything at all," "Just open that door and scream down the hall." "Dave, I need a box for those dolls!" "Action figures!" "What are you giving away our dressing room for?" "Chad is going to have marshall on the run all week!" "Which means we get to run things around here." "Dave!" "Change of plans, dave." "That smoked fish, make that macaroni and cheese." "Those three nerds-- 18 supermodels." "Right away, sir." "Have you lost your mind?" "Macaroni and cheese?" "Madness!" "Hey, what is this set for?" "A hilarious new sketch called "hot e.M.T."" ""hot e.M.T."?" "Let me see this!" ""a paramedic so cute girls hang out in his favorite cafe" "And hurt themselves just to meet him."" "Hilarious!" "Oh, and, girl, I am so jealous that you get to do that sketch" "With jackson tyler." "Tawni, you know I'm doing the sketch with chad." "I know!" "That's what makes it so hilarious." "I don't want to be doing any sketches with chad," "Let alone one where I " faint in his arms."" "That's even more hilarious!" "Stop, you're killing me." "Have fun rehearsing!" "Okay, so I specifically said I would like "one massage table in my dressing room" "And no rubber chickens," and yet..." "A rubber chicken!" "They always make me laugh." "Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck!" ""I'm a funny rubber chicken!"" "It must be broken." "So are you excited about rehearsing our sketch?" "Actually, I'm going to talk to marshall and have it rewritten." "Why?" "I love the part where you stub your toe and I come in and say," ""tell me where it hurts."" "Yeah, well, that's my least favorite part." "Ow!" " You just can't wait, can you?" "That toe stubbing had nothing to do with you." "You're falling for me." "First the nervousness, then the stumbling." "I'm not nervous and I didn't stumble." "Next you'll be dreaming about me, then you'll get lost in my eyes." "Finally, after we kiss, you'll be hooked." " After we what?" " Kiss." "Four little letters, just like my name." "And you're nuts" "Four little letters, just like your name." "Kissing" " I'm gonna go talk to marshall about that." "Ow!" "Who put that chair there?" " Bye-bye, toodle-oo." " Thank you for coming." "Look at us, g." " You know what else we need?" " Curly fries!" "Dave!" "We're gonna need some curly fries." "Um, all we have are regular fries, sir." "I want those fries curled and on my desk pronto!" "Oh oh oh!" "And three more supermodels." "Relar or curly, sir?" "I'll surprise you." "And then he said we were gonna kiss and I was gonna fall in love with him." "Please!" "If anyone's going to fall in love with anyone," "It'll be chad with you." "Okay, what do you want from me?" "Your flawless skin." "You can't have it?" "Oh, sonny," "I know we've had our differences," "But I've come to realize" "You make me want to be" "A better tawni." "Well, that was heartwarming." "And disturbing." "Knock knock." " Chad." " Sonny." "Hey, look what I've got for our rehearsal." "Two tubes of lip balm." "one for my upper and one for my lower." "Will you relax, okay?" "I'm just goofing around." "Look, I really want to do a good job." " Really?" "Yeah." "Look, let's take it from the part" "Where the hot e.M.T. Comes in-- that's me" "And says, "tell me where it hurts?"" "Wow, chad, you were right." "I am getting lost in your eyes." "This feels like a dream." "" " I am dreaming!" "Oh my gosh, it was just like he said." "You want to run lines?" "Oooh, I got two tubes of lip balm." "one for my upper" " And one for my-- - no!" "Ow, my lower." "What are you doing?" "I had a horrible dream and I'm trying to shake it out of my head" "But it's just not working." "Knock it off." "You look like you just got out of the pool." "Look, I have a problem." "I have to rehearse a sketch with chad," "But I can't look him in the eyes- and don't ask why," " I just can't." " So..." " Wear a sombrero." " Pffft!" "That's ridiculous." "I would never wear a sombrero." "Why are you wearing a sombrero?" "Well..." "You..." "I just" "Kind of felt like this sketch needed something." "It just wasn't working." "Maybe we should cut it." "Are you kidding?" "This is going to be my favorite sketch." "You and chad are magic together." "All right, places everyone." "We're gonna take it from chad's entrance" "And action!" "Applause applause applause" "And make me laugh." "Help, I've stubbed my toe." "Is there a paramedic in the cafe?" "Ow..." "Ow!" "Ow." " What seems to be the problem?" "It's my toe." "It's been terribly terribly stubbed." "Oh no, let's take a look." "Whoa, that's one stubbed toe." "Aren't you gonna make it feel better?" "You know, I know what you're doing- you don't want to look me in the eyes." "what are you talking about?" "Fine, then take off the hat." "fine." "You're wearing a hat under a hat?" "Whoo!" "You had the dream, didn't you?" "Yeah, it's okay." "Tisdale wore six hats." "That didn't stop destiny." "There is no destiny." "There is no you and me." "There is no" "Wow, I never realized what a" "Deep shade of blue your eyes are." "Oh my gosh, what am I doing?" "Getting lost in my eyes-- check!" "Now all that's left is the kiss." "i" " I will not kiss you, not in a million years." "You and I-- no kiss." "Not now, not ever." " You two are gonna kiss." " What?" "!" "Sonny, you were right." "The sketch is all wrong." "I'm gonna rewrite it." " - so now" "After you stub your toe, he fixes it" "But not with a bandage, with a kiss!" "And the audience goes "ooooh!"" "I can't wait." "A kiss-- check and mate." "Mwuahaha!" " Uh, thank you, fellas." " Yes, thank you." "Great." " How do I look?" " Mmm." "In charge!" " You look pretty powerful yourself." "Ahhh!" " If we're gonna play the role," "There's no reason we shouldn't dress the role." "Speaking of roles- california roll?" "Oh, don't mind if I do!" "Mmmm!" " That is good." " It's amazing." "It's like japan in a roll." "When are we done doing this?" "I don't know." "We're in control." "See, I don't understand why marshall is so twitchy all the time." "He's got the sweetest gig ever!" "Excuse me, gentlemen." "Tawni's lipstick has run out and we need to reorder." " What are we supposed to do?" " Order her her usual." " What's her usual?" " Cocoa mocho cocoa." " Okay then-- do that." " Yeah!" "They're all out of cocoa mocho cocoa." "Get her something that sounds like cocoa mocho cocoa." "Yeah, like..." "The l-l-l-l" "La mocho cocoa mocho." "She won't know the difference." "All righty." " Oh, dave?" " Yes?" "We're done with the sushi bar." "Send in some pigs in a blanket." "Pig, blanket, got it." "So..." "To the trampolines?" "To the trampolines." "Tawni, please, I'm begging you." "I need you to do this sketch for me." "Look at this!" "I'm down to the nub." "Okay, can we forget about your lips for a minute and talk about mine?" "They're about to be kissed by chad dylan cooper." "Been there, done that." "Wait, what?" "You've kissed chad dylan cooper?" "Not exactly." "Back then his name was chad dylan goldfarb." "And I was his leading lady." "It was on the set of "the goody gang,"" "The most popular kids' show of its day." "I played tallulah goody." "He played woody goody- no relation." "Yes, I fell for him as hard as" "Any six-year-old can fall for another six-year-old." "He told me I wouldn't be able to resist." "That's exactly what happened to me." "I was his duck-duck and he was my goose." "Whatever." "Now marshall's rewriting it and he's gonna make us kiss." "Sounds like you're doomed." "Unless!" " Unless what?" " Unless you want to kiss him." " Do you want to kiss him?" " No!" "I think you do!" " Look, even if I did want to kiss him," "I would kiss him whenever I wanted to kiss him," "Not when he said I was gonna want to kiss him." "I'm sorry, were you saying something?" "I was looking at my nub." "Please, I need you to do the sketch." " Fine." " Really?" "Yeah, I already fell for him once." "It's like chickenpox" " I got it as a kid so I can't get it again." "Thank you, tawni!" "My bubble!" "My bubble." "Now I have to deal with a real problem" "My nub!" "You know I wear cocoa mocho cocoa." "So why did you buy me mocho cocoa mocho?" "That's a very good question." " Where is marshall?" " Tawni, tawni, tawni." " Honestly, I-I-I-- " "I don't see a difference in the lipsticks." "Tawni, there you are." "I've been looking all over for you." "They're about to rehearse the new version of the sketch with chad" "The one with the kissing- so they're gonna need you on set." "Well, until whoever's in charge" "Takes me and my lipstick seriously," "You can do the show without me!" " - wait, tawni, wait!" "Great!" "Now what am I gonna do?" "Why are you holding a pig?" "We ordered pigs in a blanket and they sent us an actual pig in a blanket." "Yeah, and now I can't put it down or else it's gonna start crying." " You want to see crying?" " No." "Just wait until you see the end of the hot e.M.T. Sketch." "Here here, take the pig." "It's your turn." "Here you go. " "All right, there you go." "Ahhh." "I have heartburn." "Is that my hair?" "So you ready for all this?" "Let's just get this sketch over with." " All right." "But after it happens, you know we're gonna be in love." " We?" " You" " I-I said you." " You said we." " No, I didn't." " Yes, you did." " Okay, fine." "But "we" is my nickname for you." "We happy?" "I can't wait for that kiss." "Ooooh!" " - marshall!" "Can we talk to you for a sec?" "Are you losing your hair?" "Oh, I told you!" " Ah!" " And you, you're all clammy." "Together you remind me of someone." "It'll come to me." "Why are you holding a pig?" "We did a bad thing." "We took advantage of your office." " And dave!" " And dave." "And we're really sorry." "I warned you sitting behind that desk came with a price." "Well, I blame myself." "For giving chad our dressing room?" " No no." "For trusting you two." " And dave." " And dave." "All right, go get ready for the show." " Can you hold jeanine?" " I'm guessing that's jeanine." "Yeah, and don't put her down or else she'll start crying." " We don't want that." " Yeah." " All right." " Bye, baby." "Let's get back to "so random!" "" with special guest star" "Chad dylan cooper." "Help, I've stubbed my toe!" "Is there a paramedic in the cafe?" "Ow ow." "I'm a paramedic." "What seems to be the problem?" "It's my toe." "It's been terribly terribly stubbed" "And you're the only one that can help me." "Let's take a look." "Ma'am, I've seen hundreds of stubbed toes" "And I'm pretty sure that one's rubber." "Wait!" "It's my other toe." "It's been terribly terribly crushed." "What you need, ma'am, is to put some ice on that." "And stop hitting it with a mallet." "Uh uh, wait!" "What?" "" "Ugh, it's my arm." "It's-it's" "Ma'am, if I kiss you," "Will you please stop pretending to hurt yourself?" "I'll kiss you for real when pigs fly." "Ahhh, I kissed a pig." "The best part is I didn't have to!" " But you wanted to!" " No, I didn't." " But you want to now." " Not after you kissed a pig." "I didn't kiss a pig!" "A pig kissed me." "I'm gonna tell you what I tell all my leading ladies:" "First you'll get nervous." "Then you'll stumble." "Then you'll dream about me." "Then you'll gaze deep into my eyes" "Then we'll kiss and you'll be hooked." "Oh, did you have a bad dream?" "Ohh-- hey, I know that look."