"Marlon." "Get up." "You got to go to work." "Pop is gonna kill you, man." " Fire, Marlon!" " Fire?" "Get moving!" "Put on your jacket." "I got to feed my goldfish." "Come on, hurry up!" "Roll, roll, roll!" "Hurry up." "Don't worry about me!" "Save yourself!" "Every morning." "You'd think he'd catch on by now." "All right, cut and print." "Beautiful, guys." "Dynamite." "That..." "Yeah, sookie sookie now." "Get it..." "Hey, don't stop." "Y'all keep going." "Shawn, show her that little move I taught you." "Marlon, get a girlfriend." "You know what?" "Here's a quarter." "Go to Times Square, you could get your own booth." "Hey!" "You know I can't maneuver in them little rooms." "Besides, after that donkey-show incident, they won't let me down there no more." "But thanks for the quarter." "What are you doing here in the middle of the day?" "You promised Pop we'd take him to the airport for Aunt Eunice's funeral." " What?" " Don't look at me." "I ain't kill the old bag." "Baby, what time is it?" "Almost 2:00." "I'm going to be late for class." "Oh, man, damn!" "If he misses this funeral, Pop's gonna kill us." "I never met Aunt Eunice." "Yeah, that's because she was crazy." "After her 15th stroke, Aunt Eunice learned to eat with her feet." "Her feet?" "Want some?" "Put that down." "Come on." "Let's hurry up." "We've got to get out of here." "Baby..." "Stop it." "What's wrong with you?" "At the airport could you drop this off at Federal Express?" "My sister needs these earrings for a charity ball tomorrow night." "Sure, honey." "Sorry, honey, but we're late." " Mail it yourself, please." " Hey, what?" " Respect the woman." " I do respect the woman." "Then apologize." " I'm sorry." " It's okay." "Sorry you too damn lazy to mail your own package." " Who you calling lazy?" " Come on now!" " I'll knock the weave off her head!" " Stop it, all right?" "Anyway, I have to go." " I love you, baby." " I love you, too, baby." "Hear that?" "She loves me." "Yeah, I'd love you, too, if you did everything I said." "Come on now, you know it ain't like that between us." "Yes, it is." "You're her little errand boy, Shawn." "If she says, "Jump," you say, "How high?"" "If she says, "Go," you say, "How fast?"" "If she screams, "Not yet," you say, "Oh, too late."" "Have you been listening at my door again?" "Hell, no." "That's disgusting." "I'd never do that." "Besides, you can hear so much better from your closet..." "Now, you know if I miss my plane to Cleveland..." "I'm going to beat you like a red-headed stepchild." "You were 25 minutes late picking me up." "Aunt Eunice is dead, Pop." "She ain't going anywhere." "You both should be coming with me." "Didn't I teach you anything?" "There are two things in this world that are very important:" "Family and big-breasted showgirls." "Pop, how come Mom ain't going?" "Man, I don't tell that woman what to do outside the bedroom." "But in the bedroom, you know me..." "Pop." "Y'all should have seen your mother when Nixon was president." "Come on, Pop." "She was so fine, I used to call her sugar." "Give me some sugar, baby." "That's downright..." "Oh, man." "Dang!" "Dang." "Shoot." "You got a metal plate in your head, son?" "I know what it is." "It's that Hot Wheels car I ate when I was a kid." "Watch, I'll show you." "Excuse me." "What you laughing at, Fat Albert?" "You better recognize." "You better understand, there, boy." "And you better recognize you in an airport full of people, naked." "Come on, get your clothes on, boy." "What's wrong with you?" "You got your tickets, right?" "Yeah, I've got my tickets." "I have a brain in my head." "I got a little trouble with my boiler room, too." "I'll see you in a minute." "All right, Pop." "Light a match." "Can I have my stuff, please?" "I found them." "There you are, Mr. Starks." "Mr. Starks?" "John Starks of the New York Knicks." "I know a professional athlete... in the first-class check-in area when I see one." "What?" "Shawn, she thinks I'm John Starks." "I'm sorry, Mr. Starks, but you and your manager... don't have to wait here with the common passengers." "You're in first class and you can board right now." "I'm sorry, there must be a mistake." "We don't even have any tickets." "Of course you don't, because I do." "Two first-class tickets." "Thank you very much." "God bless you, babe." "Say a prayer." " We going first class." " Are you nuts?" "No, I am John Starks, and me and you, my friend... are traveling first class." "It says here, "Mr. Jonathan Starks." That's me... and here's your ticket, boy." "You are crazy." "We are not getting on that plane." "Why not?" "Because first of all, it's illegal." "Second of all, Lisa's home waiting on me." "I can't believe I'm hearing this." "You used to be mad fun back in the day." "Ever since Lisa came along and she gave you some sunshine... you been whipped." " What did you say to me?" " You heard me, you're whipped." "You're whipped like Denzel Washington in Glory... like Morgan Freeman in Unforgiven... and LeVar Burton in everything he ever does!" "You think I'm whipped?" "You must be crazy." "I ain't whipped." "I tell you right now." "That's the last thing I am." "I'll show you." "Kunta Kinte of love." "Excuse me, but my client over here..." "Mr. John Starks of the New York Knickerbockers... is highly upset right now that there was no one here earlier... to meet him with his bags." "Is this the level of service..." "You're right." "I'm sorry, sir." "On behalf of myself and our airline, let me extend a complimentary bag... of our very own airline peanuts." "I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable." "That's better." "You may go." "We got two bags!" " Who you calling whipped?" " No, you the man." "I'm a squirrel in your world trying to get a what?" "A peanut." "Here we go, Mr. Starks... more delicious peanuts, our in-flight magazine... and some little wings to pin on our shirt." "You shouldn't have." "Is there anything else I can get for you boys?" "I'll have some more peanuts, and a glass of champagne, no ice." "Yes, sir." "And you, Mr. Starks?" "I'll have something to drink, as well." "I'll have 40 ounce." "No bag." "Yes, Mr. Starks, and..." "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name." "Mr. Williams." "He takes care of me when I'm on the road." "I see, like a personal valet or a cabana boy... perhaps like the one I met in Majorca last winter... who won't return my phone calls." "No." "I'm just Mr. Starks' manager." "Of course you are." "Nice guy." "Shawn, are we living large or what?" "I can't believe you talked me into this." "Come on, man." "Relax, take it easy." "Enjoy first class." "We don't even know where we're going." "Excuse me, fellows." "If you don't mind my asking... are you an entertainer, or an athlete... or one of those rappers that my kids just seem to love?" "If you don't mind me asking, why do you think all black people... got to be athletes and entertainers?" "Yeah." "No, I don't think that about all black people, of course not." "Just the ones found in first class." "And I bet you're just some rich white guy... who owns a lot of land, has a beautiful wife... and drives a luxury automobile." "Exactly." "I guess I told that guy, huh?" "Hello, my Caucasian friend." "Good to see you." "This is the life." "I can't believe we're sitting up here in first class pretending to be John Starks." "And boy." "Man, I just hope nobody ever finds out about this." "This is your copilot." "We should be landing in Cleveland in just under an hour." "Help me, somebody, please!" "I ain't the Motel 6." "Get off of me!" "So, it's last season, Game 4, I'm guarding Reggie Miller..." "Spike Lee gets up and starts yelling stuff at him... so I say to Spike:" ""Shut up and sit down, you angry cricket!"" "I read about those colorful intimidation techniques in Sports Illustrated... it's called "dissing."" "They were dissing each other, right?" "No." "Let me show you what a diss is." "Now, get your mayonnaise-eating... baloney-smelling, David Duke-looking ass out of my face... before I smack you off this plane." "That was good." "I'll go back and diss my wife." "Get out of here!" "Hot towels." " Mr. Starks." " Thank you." "Stop!" "This ain't a bathroom." "You're embarrassing me, man." "Show some class." " Good blow, sir." " Here you go, Monty." "Monty, I hear we have a celebrity on board." "Yes, we do, Bob." "I told you to never call me Bob when we're working." "Excuse me, Bob, I mean, Captain." "So you're John Starks, the basketball player." " It's a pleasure to meet you." " Yeah, I know." "Are you anybody?" "Yeah." "I handle all business affairs and contracts... for Mr. Starks when we're on the road." "So you're like what, his flunky?" "That's right." "Boy, can you get me a blanket?" "It's kind of nippy in here." "Thank you." "Watch that attitude, all right?" "So, want to come up to the cockpit and see how I do my job?" " Sure, I'd love to." " Follow me." "Excuse me, boy." "Bob, you wouldn't happen to have any of those... honey-roasted peanuts back there, would you?" "No, but I have some of those little bottles of Remy Martin." "I heard you manage John Starks." "Do you handle a lot of athletes?" "Yeah." "As a matter of fact, I handle all kinds of entertainers." "We just completed a film starring Bushwick Bill and Emmanuel Lewis." "It's called Midgets to Society." "It's a short film." "Do you have any bigger stars?" "You've seen Malcolm X?" "All right, maybe you know who this is." "Tell me if you do." "Yeah, snowflake... what's your angle?" " You manage Denzel Washington?" " Yes." "Just like Jungle Fever." "God, I loved that movie." "When we land at Cleveland, look me up." "I'm staying at the Marriott." "Yeah, you trying to find out if that myth is true, huh, girl?" "Sorry about that, folks." "Hit a little air pocket, nothing to worry about." "That was my fault." "I should have listened when you said:" ""Don't touch that red button!"" "That's okay." "We usually carry twice as much fuel as we need anyway." "Smart move." "Shawn, it is so cool up there." "It's just crowded, though." "Everywhere I tried to sit, I was right on the captain's hand." "What are you staring at?" "Come on, boy, get my blanket." "Hey, come on, now." "I'm not your lackey." "Ever since we got on this plane, you're getting all the attention." "You been signing the autographs, you got two desserts... you got to sit on the captain's hand." "And who am I?" "I'm just Blanket Man." "Blanket Man, did you see that movie?" "Hell, no!" "Nobody did." "Out of my way." "I'm about to explode." "Excuse me, sir." "You cannot use these bathrooms." "This is the first-class cabin." "You're gonna have a first-class mess on your hands if you don't get out of my way." "Shawn?" "Marlon?" "What the hell y'all doing up here?" "Do you know this man?" "What are we going to do?" "Don't worry." "I'll handle it." "Monty, I've never seen this man before in my life." " Smooth." " Thanks." "Y'all don't know me now." "Excuse me, Mr. Strange Man... but maybe you are getting us confused with someone else... when, in fact, we are John Starks and manager." "Excuse me... you got me confused with the man... who's going to kick your natural-born ass... when I get you off this plane!" "I had enough of you, old man..." " Old man?" " Get out of here." "I got your old man." "I got to use the bathroom." "Get that lady out of there!" "I'm so sorry, Mr. Starks." "It's like the Third World back there." "I don't know why they don't just build a moat." "We've gone too far." "We just humiliated our own father." "Don't blame that on me." "He humiliated himself." "You seen that old Huggy Bear suit he was wearing." "Marlon, I'm not going to play this game with you anymore." "As a matter of fact, for the rest of the flight, don't talk to me." "As a matter of fact, don't even look at me." "Don't look at me." "Excuse me, gentlemen." "I have a young boy here named Timmy." "Isn't he cute?" "Before I take him up to see the captain... he would just love Mr. Starks' autograph." "Sure." "You're not John Starks." "Sure I am, little Timmy." "No, you're not." "I have his basketball card right here." "Shawn..." "If you're John Starks then how many points per game... did you average last year?" "How many times did you wet the bed last week?" "You don't even look like John Starks." "I'm telling the captain." "Boy, I will send you to Michael Jackson's house." "You watch." "I can prove it." "Monty, make a basket." "I'd need some bamboo." "No, like this." "Give me that." "Now, I'm going to shoot this soda can into your basket." "If only I had a nickel for every time I heard that." "Timmy, watch it." "Mr. John Starks is about to take you downtown, little brother." "Sorry, Bob." "Pop, this is the worst day of my life." "I can't believe Monty tried to shove us in one of those overhead bins." "I couldn't believe how strong he was." "Get your butt out of there." "Come on, bro." "Sit your behind down." "Come on, man." "Fix it right, man." "I can't believe I'm related to you two." "It made me want to go home and smack your mama." "Look, Pops, we're sorry about putting you through all this trouble... but I'm sure you understand." "Yeah, I understand." "I was young once myself, you know." "Really?" "I can't picture that." "You're old as the dinosaurs..." "Shut up and let me tell the story." "Now, one day I was on a business trip without your mother." "I'm having me a few drinks in the club car, got a little tipsy... and tried to pass myself off as Johnny Mathis." " Did it work?" " Hell no!" "Those Amtrak boys beat the crap out of me." "They got those big rings of keys, you know." "So you're like the first Rodney King?" "Rodney King don't know nothing about no butt-whipping." "At least we got to experience first class, bro." "And you can't call me whipped anymore." "Lisa's package." "Man, she's going to kill me." "Where are you?" "I've been waiting in your apartment for two hours." "Baby, it's like this..." "I missed the last FedEx pickup... and I knew it was important for your sister to get the earrings." "I didn't want to let you down." "So, guess what I did?" "I jumped on an airplane so I could hand-deliver them myself." "You know why?" "Because that's the kind of boyfriend I am." "Shut up." "I love you, Shawn." " I love you, too, Lisa." " What?" "I said, "I love you, too, Lisa."" "You're breaking up." "I can't hear you." "I said, "I love you, too, Lisa!"" "Pop, your son's a disgrace." "Son?" "I've never seen these boys in my life." "I happen to be Johnny Mathis." "It's a well-known fact Johnny Mathis doesn't have any children." "Okay, Pop." "I can't see how this day could get any worse." "I just thought of something." "How are we going to get home from Cleveland?" "Would you shut up?" "Man, if I ever find the guys who stole my first-class tickets..." "I will kill them." "Oh, Johnny!" "English"