"Mail's here." "Let's see." "Mom, you got a new "Zoobook."" "Ooh, it's the penguin one." "_" "Looks like you boys got a package." "It's from cousin Hennessy in Taiwan!" "Whoa!" "It's a Tamagotchi!" "A Tama-what?" "Tamagotchi!" "It's a virtual pet." "They're the biggest toy in Japan." "They aren't even out in America yet." "Look." "He wrote us a note." ""Hope you can take better care of this than I could." "Good luck." "You're going to need it."" "That sounds like a warning." "Or a cute alert." "Look at it!" "Look how cute it is!" "Last but not least, there's one for you, Jessica." "Uh-oh." "Notice for jury duty." "_" "_" "S03E07 The Taming of the Dads" "I don't understand." "I've never had to do jury duty before." "How did they find me?" "Probably because you applied for citizenship after your green card expired." "You're in the system now." "_" "_" "_" "Well, I disagree." "Doing jury duty is something every American should do." "We should give our Tamagotchi a name that honors the American justice system." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" " Jerry Orbach!" " Jerry Orbach!" "Evan, can I borrow your Discman?" "I got spaghetti sauce in mine." "My Discman is just for classical music and audio books, not Too "Dollar Sign" Hort." "It's Too $hort, Evan." "Too $hort." "By the way, happy anniversary, Eddie." "I can't believe you and Allison have been dating for a year." " Thanks, man!" " What kind of gift did you get her?" "We don't get each other gifts." "We're beyond that." "Happy anniversary, Eddie!" "You got me a Flavor Flav necklace?" "I made it, and it's not just a necklace." "Open it." "It's a clocket." "I blew up that picture from our day at the carnival." "Thanks, Allison." "That's dope." "Um, I got you something, too." "Is that a girl's butt?" "Yeah." "In a martini glass, so you know it's classy." "This is already open!" "Okay, fine." "I thought we said that we weren't going to get each other gifts." " We never said that." " Didn't we, though?" "I'm sorry." "Let me make it up to you." "How about we got to the mall this weekend?" "We always go to the mall." "I want to do something special." "Let's go see "Romeo and Juliet."" "It's a hip, modern remake of Shakespeare's classic set in the town of Verona Beach." "And it has Leonardo DiCaprio." "Oh, Leo DiCaprio -- he's got star power." " Get out of here, Dave." " Sure thing." "There's showings at 7:00 and 9:30, and we're splitting a box of Goobers." "Smells like sadness." "Welcome to Orlando Superior Court." "Some of you will have the good fortune of serving on our jury, but first, I am legally required to play you this video." "Hello." "I'm Gail O'Grady." "Most of you know me as Donna Abandando, the brassy squad secretary on "NYPD Blue."" "But today, I play an even more important role -- welcoming you to jury duty." "Hello?" "It's for you." "Justice is calling." "You want a tip?" "When the lawyers ask you questions, just, uh, say that you watch a lot of crime shows like "L.A. Law."" "They'll think you're a real know-it-all who won't convict anybody without DNA evidence, and then the lawyers will just send you home." "According to this, the Tamagotchi will beep when it needs attention, at which point, its owner should press a button to feed it, play with it, or clean up its poop." "It poops?" "Little black dots with stink lines." "Mm-hmm." "If you don't clean them up, the Tamagotchi will get sick and die." "Raising Jerry's gonna be a lot of work." "We'll do it together." "We'll be the best moms since Mom." "Some days you're the dog." "Some days you're the hydrant." "What's wrong?" "Allison's making us see the new "Romeo and Juliet" movie." "Doesn't she know that "Space Jam" just came out?" "Allison likes Shakespeare?" "But soft, what light through yonder breaks?" "It is the east, and Juliet is the sun." "Dad, that's the whitest you've ever sounded." "It's Shakespeare, Eddie." "It's poetry." "You know what's poetry?" "Michael Jordan teaming up with Bugs Bunny to save the universe." "If Allison wants to see "Romeo and Juliet,"" "you should suck it up and go." "When you care about someone, you have to make sacrifices." "I guess." "Tell you what," "I'll give you and Allison a ride to the movie." "Seriously?" "Yeah." "Think of me as your coachman, spiriting you and your beloved through the ivory gates of Verona." "I don't understand a word of that, but thanks for the ride." "Ma'am, you said that serving on this jury would cause undue hardship." "Can you elaborate?" "I can't be away from home all day because I have to feed my lizards, Thelma and Louise." "Very well." "You're dismissed." "Jessica Hu-wang?" "Huang." "Thank you for joining us today." "Is there any reason why you can't be a fair and unbiased juror?" "Yes." "Because "L.A. Law."" "Excuse me?" "It's my favorite show." "Is that so?" "Who's your favorite character?" "Mine's Victor Sifuentes." "I've always fashioned myself a young Corbin Bernsen." "He's so kind to his chubby assistant." "Excuse me, but I'm not going to let you two prattle on about "L.A. Law"." "And not mention Benny." " Benny!" " I love Benny." "Mrs. Hoo-ang, you sound just like the type of person we're looking for." "Welcome to jury duty." "Great advice, "L.A. Law."" "Thanks to you, I'm stuck doing jury duty." "Hey, you never take a swing, you never hit a home run, right?" "You know, I used to hate jury duty, too." "Then, I accidentally spit my chewing gum on the sidewalk during a trip to Singapore." "They caned my fanny until it was red as an apple." "After that, I had a whole new appreciation for the American legal system." "Oh, uh, they left us an information sheet." "According to this, we are supposed to elect a jury foreperson." "Foreperson -- what's that?" "Oh, a foreperson takes attendance, they preside over deliberations, and they speak on behalf of the jury in the courtroom." "It's sort of like the boss of the jury." "Jury Boss." "I would like to volunteer." "I nominate Harvey." "Well, I don't know you from Adam, but you seem like a nice fella and I like the shape of your head." "All in favor?" "Aye." "Aw, shucks, guys." "Thanks, everyone." "Yay!" "Congratulations, man." "Thank you so much." "Hi, boys." "Oh, my God!" "Who's this little munchkin?" "That's Jerry." "He's our Tamagotchi." "I read about these in my anime magazine." "I see Jerry has already reached his Marutchi phase, having evolved from a Babytchi." "They grow up so fast, don't they?" "Aww." "I know." "He made a boom-boom!" "Aww!" "Aww!" "Aww!" "Aww!" "It's really gonna be beautiful..." "You should see the people on this jury, Louis." "They're the only thing keeping a criminal from walking the streets, and they spend 25 minutes trying to figure out how to open up a window." "I can't believe I wasn't picked for Jury Boss." "I thought you didn't want to do jury duty." "Now you want more responsibility?" "If I'm going to be stuck on a jury," "I want to be in charge, not Harvey." "He looks like a giant baby with a beard." "Hark!" "Is this a fly gentleman I see before me?" "I can't believe I have to sit through a whole movie of that." "Well, knock it all you want, Eddie, but the ladies love Shakespeare." "Just ask your mother." "Your chariot awaits, my liege." " Huh?" " Let's go." "Honk the horn." " Are you a goose?" " What?" "Geese honk." "Gentlemen go to the door." "Nice house." " Hi, Eddie." "Hi, Mr. Huang." " Hi, Allison." "Hi there, Eddie." "You must be Eddie's dad." "Hi." "Gary Olsen." "Hi." "I'm Louis." "I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know your daughter will be in good hands." "We're going to see the new "Romeo and Juliet" movie." "Really?" "I hear that's a hip, modern remake set in the town of Verona Beach?" "Are you a Shakespeare fan, Gary?" "Been a Bardhead since college." "Me, too, Brute!" "Hey, since I'm driving the kids to the movie, why don't you come along?" "We'll all see it together." "Uh, Dad..." "Really?" "No." "I'd hate to impose." "What fates impose, that men must needs abide " "It boots not to resist both wind and tide." "I'll get my coat." "I've read the same sentence like 20 times." "Am I ever gonna find out where the red fern grows?" "Let's take turns." "We'll watch Jerry in 30-minute shifts so the other person can concentrate on finishing their homework." "That's a great idea." "What do you think, Jerry?" "Is that a good idea?" "I'll take that poop as a yes." "Tybalt hath sent a letter to his father's house." "A challenge on my life." "Mercutio, thou oughtn't go in there!" "It's a trap, me thinks!" "Can I have some Goobers?" "Our dads..." "Our dads took them." "Hey, Gary, Goober me." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, wait." "Let me mix it in." "Mix it up." "Call to order." "Case number 25772, State of Florida versus Samuel Seaver, charged with eight counts of arson in the second degree." "But first, I have an important matter to discuss." "It's come to my attention that a note was distributed amongst the jury, along with a gift." "Bailiff Dan." ""We need a new Jury Boss." "Harvey is weak." "Here's a gift."" "Normally, I would send all of you home and seat new jury, but I'm planning to run for office and I don't want to cost the taxpayers any more money." "Any attempt to bribe your fellow juror will result in all of you being held in contempt!" "Bailiff, please collect the bribes." "Harvey ate my orange." "No." "So, did you like the movie?" "The gangsters were a'ight, but most of the time," "I had no idea what was happening." "Well, I liked it." "In fact, it might be my favorite movie of all time." "E-Eddie, do you ever get bored?" "I'm bored now, thanks to this homework." "No." "I mean bored with us." "Us?" "What are you talking about?" "My dad's not supposed to pick me up for another hour." "Louis." "Thought I'd come by a little early." "You mentioned you knew your way around the old six-string." "Any chance you'd be up for a jam sesh?" "♪ If you ♪" "♪ Like to tell me maybe ♪" "♪ Just go ahead now ♪" "♪ If you ♪" "♪ Want to buy me flowers ♪" "♪ Just go ahead now ♪" "Yeah!" "Evan, feed Jerry." "I just did." "It's your turn." "_" "Ugh!" "At least someone will be rested tomorrow." "Evan, that's my calculator." " Hello?" " Hey, it's me." "Hey, I'm glad you called." "We need to talk." "Oh." "Eddie, you know I think you're great, and going out with you this past year has been really, really cool, but lately, things have felt... different." "It's like somewhere along the line, we stopped having fun." "That's not how it should be." "I mean, look at our dads." "Our dads?" "Do you see how much fun they have?" "It reminded me of how it used to be with us, back when things were new and exciting." "Face it, Eddie, we've fallen into a rut." "Is it a rut?" "Or a groove?" "I think we need to take a break." "A break?" "Allison, I..." "Hey, guys, uh, sorry to interrupt, but are you almost done?" "I was hoping Allison could put Gary on." "Sorry, Eddie." "Dad!" "Hello?" "Hey, man, I picked up the guitar tab for "Sultans of Swing."" "Yes, you did!" "Well, those are some interesting closing arguments, but given the witnesses who saw the defendant light the fire and the footage of him dancing around the flames afterwards," "I'd say this is a pretty open-and-shut case." "So, unless there are any questions," "I reckon we can just go ahead and vote." "I have a question." "Why wasn't I made Jury Boss?" "Uh, great news." "The community theatre's doing Shakespeare in the Park this weekend." "Hope you and Allison don't have any plans." " We'll bring Gary." " Yeah." "That's not gonna happen." "Me and Allison are taking a break." "What?" "Since when?" "I thought you guys were solid." "It's like she got sick of me." "She said we were in a rut." "A rut?" "Or a groove?" "That's what I said, but she wasn't hearing it." "She said that you and Gary had more fun." "Maybe she has a point." "If our dads get along better than we do, what does that say about us?" "Because at the end of the day, this is about getting to the truth!" "Harvey claims that he visited Singapore, yet today, he had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, even though there's a perfectly good noodle shop next door." "My wife packed me a sandwich." "Alleged wife." "This isn't personal." "I like Harvey." "But is he really Jury Boss material?" "So tense." "Too tense?" "I mean, you decide." "Oh, for God's sake!" "It's been hours!" "Don't you see what's happening?" "She's holding us hostage!" "Aah!" "Why won't these windows open?" "!" "O-Okay, okay." "Uh, Jessica, may I have a word?" "Please?" "If we let you be jury foreperson, will you just cast your vote so we can go home?" "It would be my first act as Jury Boss." "Okay, so, when the judge asks, you just read the verdict, and then we can all go." "Thank you, Jury Minion." "All rise!" "You may be seated." "I understand the jury has reached a verdict?" "Why isn't Harvey sitting in the..." "Harvey had a scratchy throat, so I'm filling in as Madame Foreperson." "Very well." "Would our new foreperson please read the verdict to the court?" "Yes, Your Honor." "We, the jury, find the defendant... guilty." "Stop burning things, you weirdo." "I hated you the moment I saw you." "That's a mistrial." "What?" "He's obviously guilty!" "Look at him!" "Look at his face!" "Innocent people don't have hair like that!" "Louis!" "I was just about to call you." "Any interest in going to Medieval Times and ordering drumsticks in iambic pentameter?" "That sounds so great to me." "But I can't." "Not today." "Not ever." "It's because of Eddie and Allison, isn't it?" "Darn it!" "I knew something was up." "I haven't seen Allison this upset since those wildebeests trampled Mufasa." "It's because of us, Gary." "For whatever reason, our connection has caused Eddie and Allison to doubt theirs." "We're tearing our houses apart, just like the Montagues and Capulets." "Are you saying..." "I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore." "That really is too bad." "I liked having such a cool friend." "Me, too." "But when you care about someone, you have to make sacrifices." "Shakespeare invented this, you know?" "He called it "the hand hug."" "Because men couldn't hug back then." "Right." "Because men couldn't hug." "I can't believe I slept through Roman numerals." "Now I'm never gonna know what Super Bowl it is." "You're tired?" "In Karate Club," "I accidentally kicked a kid in the face." "That's nice." "I can't remember the last time I had a chance to exercise." "You have it easy." "All you do is, you just ply Jerry with food to keep him quiet." "I feed him because he's hungry." "All you do is play with him!" "I have to play with him." "Otherwise, he'd be a fat blob." " Don't you dare call Jerry fat!" " I didn't." "You're putting words in my mouth, just like you put empty calories in Jerry's." " You take that back!" " I will not!" "Jerry?" "Having a snack?" "Why not?" "Now that I'm single, I don't have to watch my figure." "You were watching your figure?" "You know, your situation with Allison reminds me of an old love story." "Dad, please, I do not want to hear any more Shakespeare." "I'm not talking about Shakespeare." "I'm talking about when I was dating your mom." "I really wanted to impress her, so I used to serenade her with my guitar." "But after a while, I could tell she was getting sick of it." "I know, crazy, right?" "So, I switched it up, and I started reading her Shakespeare instead." "I kept it fresh, and that's what you need to do with Allison." "You have to show her things can still be unexpected and spontaneous, just like it was at the beginning." "Eddie?" "Allison, there's something I have to tell you." "I'm sorry I've been so boring lately." "It's just you're so chill, and I feel like I can be myself around you." "And to be honest, myself is a little lazy." "So, I'm going to make more of an effort to show that I appreciate you, because I do!" "Get your coat, girl." "We're gonna go see "Romeo and Juliet."" "But we already saw it." "I know!" "I'm being spontaneous!" "You're surprised, right?" "You didn't see that coming." "No parent should outlive their Tamagotchi." "It was only a few extra words." "I don't understand why they have to redo the whole trial." "To be honest," "I'm surprised you did jury duty in the first place." "What do you mean?" "You're not a citizen yet, Jessica." "They must've sent you the summons by accident." "All you had to do was say you're here on a green card, and you could've gotten out of it." "Ugh." "Mom's really broken up about Jerry." "I didn't even know she knew him." "Did you hear something?" "No."