"THE CELEBRATION" "Christian speaking ...Hi, I'm here now." "I landed this morning." "What?" "Er..." "Washed?" "I shaved at the airport if you must know." "I shaved at the airport if you must know!" "I'm fine... right now I'm looking across the fields." "At the land of my father." "It's beautiful." "It makes me want to move back for good, but that'd be problematic." "I'll make it." "Yes, I suppose it will be... shocking." "What?" "...You're dropping out." "OK. 'Bye." "Bloody hell, that's my brother." "My big brother!" "Why the hell didn't you say?" "As if I saw him!" "I mean, really!" "I have to do everything myself." "Hell, Christian!" "What's this?" "Hey, man, see him, Kasper?" "He's walked all the way from Paris." "Only from the station." " Hi, all!" " Wow, man!" "Now you've had it." "Giddyap!" "I'll fuck you, damn it!" " Fucking hell!" " You're very frisky." "It's been bloody ages." "It bloody has." "How's tricks?" "I'll give you a lift." "Hop out, kids." " I'm giving Christian a lift." " There's plenty of room." "Come on, Mette." " Sit in the front." " I can walk." " No, I want a chat." " You want us to walk all the way?" " What's up, man?" " All the way!" "He's my brother, for fuck's sake." "Give me a break, will you?" "Oh, shut up!" "Chill out!" " Do you think dad's back yet?" " Not yet." "Hello?" " Hello, what's your name?" " Lars." "Lars..." "OK, Mads, listen up." "I have a little problem with new staff, but OK, now you know." " Hello." " Hello." "Who do you think we are?" "This is Christian, my brother." "He has two restaurants in Paris." "And I've got a... cafeteria   in the docklands." "Oh, OK." "We grew up here, so we know how to treat customers." "A really good receptionist keeps an eye on who's who, right?" "And you give us rooms 9 and 19." "I'm afraid you're not on the list." " What?" " Look again:" "Michael Klingenfeldt." "Your father has told me that Michael is not invited." " OK Mads, listen up..." " Lars, OK?" "Yes, Lars, it went a bit amok last year, I got a bit pissed." "When I drink, things go a bit crazy." "A couple of schnapps over the top and I freak." "Hey, I've brought the bloody wife and kids..." "Michelle is here, too, so..." "I wouldn't know anything about that." " Is there a room or not?" " Not." " Let me talk to my father." " He's out hunting." "Sort it out yourself, then." "That's your job, right?" "Lars, just find a room." "I'll talk to dad." "Hey... just give us one of the small rooms." "They're never used." "3 and 1." "Give us one of those." " You don't want a key?" " Oh, yes." "I must be on the list." "...Has our sister come?" "Do get a move on..." "It's daddy's birthday, his sixtieth." "All the people up ahead are my family." "I have to be there to welcome them." "Nadim, wasn't it?" " Nadim, yes." " OK, Nadim." "If you go a bit faster I'll give you my phone number." "Hi, baby!" "Hi!" "Are you ready?" "They're nearly here." " You haven't been drinking, right?" " Not today." "Wasn't it a fantastic funeral?" " I'm ready." " What are you doing here?" "What?" "Well, you missed your sister's funeral." "Don't poke your nose in." "I'm poking it into what you don't do." "You don't go to her funeral." "You don't phone me on my birthday." "You don't show an interest." "Now she's starting, too." "I'm going home." " Have a nice day." " Want my bike?" " I won't have it." " Be quiet." "This is old hat." " Yes, be quiet." " Spoken just like Christian." "Stop that!" "Come on!" " Be quiet." " Listen to clever Christian." "Stop it!" "Be quiet!" "Toot again." "So they can hear it." "That's his wife." "One of the son's." "That's Mette." "And the three little piggies." "...How are you?" "You kids put a sock in it." "Quiet, kids!" "We're here." "Behave yourselves." "It's just not done." "I'm your sister." "A good thing it's only once every ten years." " Granddad... welcome..." " Thank you, thank you." " Thanks for a lovely funeral." " Thank you." "Great to see you again." "Hello again." "It was a hot trip." "I'll go and unpack my wife." "Hi, dad." "Your father asked me to be toastmaster this evening, OK?" "Do you know Lise?" " How are you, my boy?" " It's so sad." "The weather..." "I'm not sure I can take it." " Hi there, you haven't changed." " Thanks." "Welcome... go on into the hall." "You'll meet Helge." "Hello, Pierre." "Christian, darling!" "How lovely you could make it after all!" " You look great." " Excuse me, the guests are here." "Go to your father." "Don't forget to say Happy Birthday." "Hello, dad." "Happy Birthday!" " They're all waiting." " Sit down a moment." "I've something important to tell you." "Sit down." "Come on, sit down." " Join me in a cognac?" " No, thanks." "Yes, it's... very important." "I've been thinking about it for days." "Listen... two hookers are sitting in a railway carriage." "Don't laugh at your old dad!" "On his birthday, too!" "How dare you?" "I'll have to tell your mother." " We're waiting for you." " The boy is laughing in my face." " Christian, you mustn't do that." " Let's tell jokes, then." "If I want a natter with my eldest son..." "How are things?" "Fine;" "I'm moving into Lyons at the moment, and..." "I can read the papers, my boy." "You're doing well." "How about that girlfriend who is always phoning?" "Can't you have a few kids and move back home?" "She's having someone else's kid." "Then find another girl and move back here." "I'm getting older and I want my family around me." " Then there's your mother." " What about her?" " She's getting tired of my jokes." " I see why." "What do you mean you see why?" "What's wrong with my jokes?" "There's no respect any more." "Tell me how you are." "Got a girl?" "Oh, I've already asked." " Come on!" " We're coming." "Come along, my boy." "Just one thing..." "Christian, will you say a couple of words about your sister this evening?" "I'd just blab." "I've already written something." "You have?" "Well done, my boy." " Michael has come." " I suppose I'll have to talk to him." " Your visitors are ready." " Michelle, are you married?" "No." " You'd better ask someone else." " I think so, too." "Oh, yes, that was my other son." "I'll have a word with him." "Today it's Helge's birthday hip hip, hurrah he'll get lots of presents and there'll be buns and cocoa..." "Hi, Christian." "Which room are you in?" "What?" "17." "Why?" "I need to borrow your bath." "I mean:" "May I borrow your bath, please?" "...and the sound of the sea..." "I'll put them down here." " The main course is a secret." " A secret?" " You have been hunting today?" " As usual." "Are you listening?" "Good." "It was the third time we were going to move to Copenhagen, right?" "But Bettina has moved in with him instead." " Bettina h?" " Yes." "Anyway, I'm still here, right?" "We went to the park yesterday." "I've been given the room where my sister died." "Well it's better than giving it to Christian;" "They were twins." "It's one thing not wanting to talk about it,   but covering it all up is just silly." " Look... it's spooky." " Yes, I can see that." "Really ghost-like." "I don't think she'd like it either, if you get me." "Can we remove the covers?" "Move the furniture a bit?" "Then I'll stay with her." "I don't mind at all." " Certainly." " OK." "This was where it happened." "The bathroom." "Maybe I should have another room." "Yes, would you rather?" "It's just that..." "I'm getting really bad vibes." "Did you hear that?" "She's in the bathroom." "No, she's... she's dead." "We'll just have a look." " No, I think we should go." " No, we'll have a look." " Hey, Mette, I can't find them." " Have you checked the suitcases?" " I can't find those shoes." " They should be in a suitcase." " I've looked in that one." " Keep your shirt on." "I can't go to dinner in brown shoes, dad will do his nut." " They must be somewhere." " I've looked everywhere." " I think I left them behind." " You didn't say that." "Get it?" "Go home and fetch them." "You've got two hours." "Take the car." " Bloody well stop it, Michael." " I can't see my dad in socks." "You expect me to go home now?" "What would your mum and dad say?" "I can't go to the dinner in these shoes, are you insane?" "You could just pack your own stuff." "I've packed for you, me, and the kids,   and you want everything to be just so." "If you don't like it, pack your own crap." "I've got fucking news for you." "You're the one who does the packing." "And every single time you lose my shoes." "You're the one who made us visit your sodding parents." "I spent a while at a cake shop." "Actually, I'm doing the dessert tonight." "What does it mean?" "An upward arrow?" "Up, up, up?" "If you lie in the bath you can sometimes see if there is anything." "The bath?" "You want me to lie in the bath?" " Shall I lie down?" " And see if you can see anything." "A sign or an arrow." "A wave or a fish or a bird." "Kind of like getting warmer." " It just won't do." " I'm sorry." " I'd just ironed this." " I said I was sorry." "Shall we..." "Shall we lie down for five minutes?" "Aren't you going to the party?" "We'll have to lie down for five minutes, right?" "There's a fish." "It means flat, which means down." "I'm not sure I understand this game." "Oh... how strange..." "We always played it." ""Getting warmer"." "Come on... sit down." "Check next to the other leg." "Oh, how sweet of her to have done this..." "I can hardly bear it." "I'm practically the only one still stuck here." "The rest of you go gadding off to Paris and all..." " You can't sit here crying." " I'm sorry." " Have one of these." " Just say if you want me to go." " Didn't you want a bath?" " Oh, yes." "An arrow again." "And an arrow again." "Will you..." " Will I what?" " Undo me." "Look, I've still got a good ass." "Is a bath all it's going to get?" "Up there, look..." " On the other side." " Where?" "Next to where the lamp is attached." ""Dear whoever finds this letter, you are probably..."" "Bloody hell!" "It doesn't say anything." "Mette, damn it!" "Did you put all this soap here?" "How irritating!" " Michael..." " Why did you leave the soap here?" "You're the one who used it, man." " Bloody hell." " Did you hurt yourself?" "I certainly fucking did." "There've always been ghosts in this house." "It doesn't say anything." "I'll happily stay here." "Thanks for your help." " You really took fright?" " Not at all." "A bit?" "..." "I'm sorry." "Thanks for your help." " Why did you leave the soap there?" " I didn't, you did." " I didn't." " You're the one who used it." " Where are my pants?" " I don't know." "Over there?" "You should take care of your things." "I'm not your baby-sitter." " Shut up, man." " Oh, for God's sake!" "The fucking thing's fallen down now, man." " We'd better put it up again." " Like fuck." "It's weird." "You were always the wild one, getting into fights." "Now it's your brother." "You can't even be bothered to look at a pretty girl any more." "Maybe it's because you think I'm too skinny." "Christian?" "It can go in here." "They mustn't find it..." "There." "Where have you gone, lovely Christian?" "It's six o'clock, time to get up!" "Cards, please, tickets please, or other proof of travel..." "My trousers!" " Hi, grandpa!" " Hi, dad." "I want to see you in the drawing room in five minutes." "These fucking shoes..." "Hi, bent." "That's cool." "Hi, Poul, how's tricks, you old honker?" "Hi, dad." "Hello, my boy." "Another time." "We're going in now." "I've been asked to inquire whether you are interested in the lodge." "I don't see you as one of the brethren, I must say." "But Christian has told Preben you're doing well." "And as Christian is not interested, you may expect to be invited   to join the Freemasons." "Strike while the iron is hot." "There is a long..." "He could make something of himself..." "We have to help you get on." "But behave like a normal human being tonight, all right?" "Keep your fingers off what's she called..." "Michelle." "I'd like you to hover about tonight and keep things running smoothly." "Can you manage that?" "Hey, give him a drink." "Look lively." "Get your act together, OK?" "...Got a drink?" "Hey!" "You got a drink?" "We need to talk." "I haven't time." "You do remember something, don't you?" " Oh, yes, certainly." " Jolly good." "I was thinking of saying a word or two this evening." "I thought so." "It won't be anything for little girls." "I bet it won't." "You fell asleep." "Yes." "Aren't you sleeping properly?" "Only with you." "Yes..." "It is a great honour for me to be toastmaster   this evening for the Klingenfeldt-Hansen family." "My name is Helmuth Von Sachs." "Ich bin aus Deutschland, Köln, Ruhr, die Stahlwerken." "And also Helge is a Stahlwerk." "Still going strong." "Helge, mein Freund, mein dänisches Vater, over to you." "Well..." "Looking at you all reminds me so clearly of the years gone by   and of all that has happened to us." "Turning sixty is nothing unique." "To me it seems like yesterday   that the final negotiations fell into place   for the take-over of this unique place." "Yet it was right back in the summer of 1971   when my little family walked up the steps." "My dear wife, Helene, Michael, and the twins and the twins." "Ready to move into these lovely buildings." "We were so..." "We were so full of expectations." "I'll stop here." "I'll stop here   and hope that we will have a lovely party together;" "Let's eat!" "The first course." "Ready... go!" "Over and out." " Wasn't it a lovely trip?" " No, it was very hot in the car." " You've air conditioning, bent." " Yes, but it dries your mouth up." "The air isn't pleasant." "The kids are here and all." "Give me some water ...Some water." "I'm all wet... probably because she spilled something." " What's your name, lass?" " My name is Mette." " M e t t e, Mette." " Oh, that's right, yes." "Pardon?" " I said it's lobster soup." "Lovely!" " No, it's salmon soup." "Salmon?" "I think it tends more towards lobster." " But it's delicious, the soup." " Yes." "Tomato soup." "No, it isn't tomato soup." "It's lobster soup." " Yes." " Cheers!" ""Eldest son makes speech." Morten." "It is almost seven o'clock and I should like to propose the first toast." "After all, it is my duty as the eldest son, correct, Helmuth?" "But first, a speech." "I've written two, father." "One is green, the other is yellow." "You choose." " One is green, the other is yellow." " I'll take the green." "The green is an interesting choice." "It's a kind of "home truth speech"." "I call it when dad had his bath." "I was very young when we moved here." "Times changed completely for us." "We had all the space we wanted and all the trouble   we could cause in all that space." "In those days this room was a restaurant." "I can't count the times my sister Linda, who is now dead, and I   played in here, and she would put things in people's food   without their noticing   and we would hide..." "Then she would begin to laugh." "She had the most infectious laugh you can imagine." "In no time at all we'd both be howling with laughter,   and of course we got caught." "But nothing ever happened to us." "It was much more dangerous when dad had his bath." "I don't know if you remember, but dad was always having baths." "He'd take Linda and me into the study   as there was something he had to do first." "Then he'd lock the door and roll down the blinds." "Then he'd take his shirt off and his trousers and made us do likewise." "Then he'd put us across the green couch that's been thrown out now   and raped us." "Abused us sexually." "Had sex with his little ones." "Oh, Christian!" "A couple of months ago when my sister died " " I realised that Helge was a very clean man, with all those baths." "I thought I'd share it with the rest of the family." "Baths summer, winter, spring, autumn, morning, evening..." "Helge is a very clean man." "I wanted you to know that,   seeing as we're celebrating his 60th birthday... what a guy!" "Imagine living a long life and watching your children grow up!" "And grandchildren." "But you didn't come to listen to me." "We've come to celebrate Helge's sixtieth, so let's do so." "Thank you for all those good years." "Happy Birthday." "I've nothing to drink." "Fill our glasses!" "Christian, you were the first, but now it's my turn." "Else, it is your birthday." " Helge!" " What did he say?" "He said that it was Helge's birthday, granddad." "Helge, it's your birthday, and that's good." "You're a big boy now." "Your ears can take a story from the seven seas." " Good on you, granddad!" " I have to go." "When Helge was a young lad   he told me he had trouble finding ladyfriends." "Kim..." " Hi, Christian." " Hi." "I've got a plane to catch." "Stop!" "May I introduce my boyhood buddy, Christian." "You know most of them." "Christian, how are you?" " I'm fine." " Fine, you say?" "Well done, Christian." "You've made your speech   and now you're going home." "The battle's lost." "Nothing's changed." " Over and out." " Are you drunk?" "Else I can't cook." "How long have we known each other?" "Since year one?" "We scrumped apples together." "I've been waiting for this ever since, and you just run away." "From your father, who drew lots for you and your sister." "A brilliant start to your speech." "Drawing lots like your father." "What do you want, Kim?" "Sorry to interrupt, granddad." "I just want to say   that I hope none of you took Christian seriously." "He is my brother and I love him dearly." "But what he said wasn't true." "And I should know, right?" "Sorry for interrupting." "It was the shock." "At 7.15 your father'll come down to give me a time for the main course." ""I think they like the food", he'll say, as usual." "And he'll have his usual bitter." "...Just give me two minutes." "Oh, I thought you'd gone." "Come here!" "Give me a bitter for me and my son." " It tastes splendid." " Thanks." "A fine first course, I think they liked it." " No, thanks." " Oh, not you?" "That tastes good." "It tastes damned good." "I do believe it tastes good." "Have one yourself and then put the bottle away... come with me." "Alone." "Off we go!" "Well, how are you?" " I'm fine." " Really..." "Are you sure?" "Well, I don't understand a thing." "My memory must be failing me." " Age, probably." " What do you mean?" "What you talked about." "I don't recall it at all." "You'll have to help me." "What happened?" "Oh?" "Sorry, it's probably me who got it wrong." "Don't apologise or you'll really have me worried." "I'm just a bit strung up at the moment with work, with my sister." "Forget it." "What you were talking about is a crime;" "We must call the police." "No, don't do that." "Just forget it." "I'm not sleeping well." "I'm feeling a bit weird." "Sorry." " Are things going well upstairs?" " Yes, fine, fine." "It takes more than that to shake them." "Don't worry." "Have a good trip home." "It was nice seeing you." "They're waiting for me." " Helge, it's your birthday." " Oh, granddad, not again..." "You're a big boy now." "Your ears can take a story from the seven seas." "When Helge was a young lad   he told me he had trouble finding ladyfriends." "I told him, "listen, lad!"" ""Just buy a big potato and stuff it down your swimming trunks   go down to the lake   and they'll come running!" Anyway, summer came..." " What do you think?" " Me?" "I don't know what he's planning." "He came back in despair and told me things were far worse now." "Nobody would talk to him." ""No wonder", I said." ""You should have put the potato down the front of your trunks."" "For he's a jolly good fellow..." "Michelle..." "Pia... a word." "Michelle come here, Pia come here." "A word." "We'll steal their car keys." "Over." " What?" " Us?" " OK." "It's Christian's turn tonight." "People mustn't go home yet." "Over." "I don't think he intends to say any more;" "He apologised." "Let's wait and see." "Don't tell the old waiters." "They need their pensions." "Off you go." "Now." " We mustn't leave any traces." " No, no, we'll just look carefully." "Where the hell is it?" "I have it." "Next room." "Is everything OK?" "There aren't any problems or anything?" "No, no." "Everything is OK." "Is my brother staying the night?" "I don't really know." "A taxi?" "I'll check it out." "Hey, Charlie brown, you've come to the wrong place." " Can I go?" " Just a moment." "Listen, Max, I don't know where you met my sister and I don't want to." "Oh, I've missed you so much!" " Michael, what are you doing?" " What the hell do you mean?" "What the hell are you doing?" "Mind your fucking manners." "How dare you drag some monkey to dad's 60th?" "Are you calling Gbatokai a monkey?" " How dare you?" " Chill out." "You Nazi bastard!" "OK, you can... push off." "Mum, wait a mo'..." "This is my boyfriend, Gbatokai." "Mum, you haven't met him before." "That was another one." "Yes, yes, quite, this way, please." "Forgive me for disturbing you again." "But I forgot the most important bit." "We're here for my father's birthday, not all kinds of other stuff." "If I led you up the wrong track earlier, I'd like to make amends   by proposing a toast to my father." " Please stand." " Well done, Christian." "Raise your glasses." "Here's to the man who killed my sister... to a murderer." "I must propose an interval." "Cigarettes..." "Giddyap!" "Giddyap!" "Play something." "Nice and easy." "Play something." "No, let's stay a while." "We can't just leave." "Christian, are you mad?" "Christian, can you hear me?" "Are you mad, Christian?" "Make sure nobody goes home." "Yes, sick... he's sick, damn it." "For the last time!" "I have phoned..." " Get me a taxi." " Just a moment." "I can't take it." "I already suffer from depression." "There'll be no taxis." "No, I'll walk." ""Here comes the Danish summer..." I've had it with these family do's." " Bent, have you seen the car keys?" " No, I haven't." "We're leaving but I can't find our keys." "I can't take it." "I'm depressed and..." "The number you're calling is still engaged." " There is an eleven month wait." " May I speak to Kim?" "Lars, just take it easy, OK?" "...Hide those car keys!" "In the oven." "In the fridge." "They've gone." "Where the hell is Michelle?" "Eh?" "Michelle!" "Come in, damn it." "Michael, I want a word." "With you, too." " You must leave." " No." "We're going to talk now." " Mette, you know what happened?" " I want a word with you." "In here." "Come on." " Let go of me." " Calm down, right?" " What the hell do you want?" " Last year you promised me." "You came to me at night." "And now you won' even give me the time of day." "I'm sorry, right?" "Damn it " " I've got my wife here." "Funnily enough she's never been that important before." "You know I got pregnant, right?" "Don't worry, I got rid of it, right?" "I just thought you should know." "Listen, it's my old man's sixtieth and things are going amok." "Hello there." "Hi, bent." "Bloody hell." "Is this your room?" "I was just leaving." "Seen my car keys?" "I'll have a quick look, OK?" "Sure you haven't seen them?" "I'll get depressed unless I find them." "I know, I know." "Bent, run along downstairs, right?" "Pack your gear and go home, right?" "Here's your wages." "Now just push off, get it?" "You're as sick in the head as your dad." "Don't diss my family, get it?" "What if I got up and said a couple of words instead?" "About you?" "About how sick you were as a child?" "About the way you always spoiled things for the other children?" "Burning their toys in front of them?" "About the warped soul you've always been?" "I could also tell them how your mum and dad had to go to France   to extricate you from that sanatorium   where you lay, sick in the head as ever, pumped full   of medicine, to your mother's despair." "I could also mention your lack of talent with women." "Lovely women you let go by year after year   because there is so little man in you." "I could also make a speech about you and your sister." "What do you say to that?" "Did she ever say goodbye to you, eh?" "No." "Was there a card?" "A letter?" "No." "Nothing." "There was for the rest of us." "And maybe there was a reason why." "Because you just left, as usual." "Left your sick sister." "She kept asking for you,   and rushing to the phone every time it rang;" "But it was never you." "As ever, you were only interested in yourself and your sick mind." "Now you sling mud at the family that only ever wanted the best for you." "Your mother thinks you should go." "She wants to see you no more." "But I think you should stay right here   and feel what it is like to spit in your family's face." "After that little intermezzo pianissimo " " I think we should return to the dinner table." "Ich habe Hunger." "Ladies and gentlemen..." "They're ready..." "I don' think Christian is very happy." "OK." "Venison and cranberry, go!" "Cheers, granddad." "Yes, it was a superduper speech." "You keep yelling into my ear." "We're still here." "Salt and pepper!" "Cheers!" "Champagne, we must have champagne... and caviar." "If the birthday boy is my dänisches Vater, Else is my dänisches Mutter." "Everyone's mutti, Else, over to you." "Give her a hand!" "Thank you, Helmuth, thank you all." "I want to say how much I appreciate your coming today." "I also want to say a word or two to thank my husband, my Helge." "Though it may be hard, as I can hardly find the words   to describe what you have meant   and mean to me." "But with your appetite for life and infinite care for your family,   you have given me everything a wife could wish for." "We've had thirty lovely years." "Thank you." "I think I'll take the opportunity to say a word or two to my children." "I think it is fantastic to see how well you have done,   especially when I consider how little you once were." "Michael, you are our youngest, our Benjamin." "Not that we've seen that much of you." "You were away from home from an early age;" "First, boarding school." "Then the school ship, then catering school in Switzerland." "You never did become a chef,   but who knows?" "At any rate you have given us three splendid grandchildren   whom your father and I are so grateful for." "And of course we thank your little Mette." "Helene, the family loner." "You really are, Helene." "Ever since you informed us   that you'd decided to become a singer   and had joined the Trotsk... the young socialists, I think it was   we've known you would choose your own path." "And you certainly have." "In life as well as your studies." "You've ended up in anthropology." "Most interesting,   although your father and I had hoped you'd choose law." "But goodness, the contacts you haven't had   with foreign countries and peoples   aren't worth mentioning." "In that connection " " I'd like to extend a warm welcome to Gonzales." " Mummy, his name is Gbatokai." " Yes." "Yes... welcome, Kai!" "Then there is you, Christian." "You have always been quite special." "A creative child." "The stories Christian could tell when he was small!" "I always thought you'd make a really good author one day." "When Christian was small, for all of you who don't know,   he had a loyal companion called snoot,   who didn't exist." "But snoot and Christian were inseparable." "If snoot didn't like something, nor did Christian." "If you were the one at the receiving end,   there was nothing you could do about it." "But dear Christian,   it is so important to be able to distinguish fact from fiction." "I think you've always had trouble doing so." "Of course you can be angry with father;" "I am sometimes, too." "But it has to be sorted out in private." "Telling stories like those you've told this evening,   however exciting they may be ...And they were exciting..." " Maybe a bit too much." "Christian, I think that snoot has been with you today   and quite frankly, I think you both rather upset your father." "So I think it would be appropriate if you stood up   leaving snoot in his seat..." "And gave your father an apology." "It won't detract from you to say sorry." "It would be quite all right." "Christian, you may stand up now." "Come on, Christian, get your fucking act together!" " He's sick in the head, mum." " Christian?" "I'm sorry to disturb you again." "In 1974 you, my mother, came into the study   to see your son on all fours and your husband with no pants on." "I'm sorry you saw me like that." "And that your husband   told you to get out and that you did so." "I'm sorry you're so hypocritical and corrupt that I hope you die." "I'm sorry you're all such cunts   that you listen to her." "I'm sorry that for thirty years..." " Let me finish!" "Let me finish!" " Come on." "Christian, cool it." "Come on out." " I want my coat." " You can have your coat." "You were away at boarding school in Switzerland." "So you know fuck all." "Yet you know anyway." " You're way out of line." " You know anyway." " Don't you?" " You're way out of line." " Get out." " Out of my way." "Lock the door." " Is it locked?" " I think so." "In the deep, deep forest peace where songsters dwell" "where the soul did hearken many a time" "to the birds' happy song there is idyll..." "Where was I?" "Mother, my loyal witness." "In 1974 you entered the study   and saw my father's stiff dick rubbing my hair... you bastard." " You bastard." " Get out." "Bastards!" "He is not healthy." "It's sad... mother, go on." "There is such idyll, peace and calm in the sylvan solitude that sorrows are stilled where peace and rest do reign" "get him down the steps." "Get out, man." "Fucking sod off." "Hey, Leif, stop that, damn it." "He's my brother." "Go away." "Go!" "Get him..." "Christian, come here." "The game is over, get it?" "Are you through, man?" "...Not that one, take it easy!" "He's my brother." " Come on, get rid of him." " Where?" "In the woods." "This must fucking stop." " How far?" " Just get rid of him." " What do you mean, "rid of him"?" " Shut up." "In here." "We'll put him by that tree." "Bloody hell." "That's the way." "Come on." "Right?" "Do we really have to tie you to this tree, Christian?" "What the hell made you talk such piss?" "Come on then!" "Come on!" "Come on!" " Come on!" " Cut it out!" "Have you tied him?" "...I'm through now." "Easy does it." "That'll do." "Chill out, Christian." "Leif, have you got a cigarette?" "I dropped mine." " I'll check all the doors." " Sure, right." "I don't want to talk to him." " What have you done to him?" " Take it easy." "I talked to him;" "He's gone home." "He's very sorry... so easy does it." "We'll talk about it later..." "You want trouble?" "Stop it, Michael!" "Michael, stop it!" " What did you say?" " Stop it, Michael." "Stop it, damn you!" "Back off." " Hi there, Kim." " Hi." "Leif." "We need to lock the back door." "Where is it?" "Right this way." " A bad business." " Yes." " You didn't hit him or anything?" " He won't be back." " This way?" " In here." " This is the wine cellar." " Yes." "Over." "Cut it out, Kim." "What the hell are you at?" " You locked him in?" " Yes." "We can't have these violent types running around..." "Hands off!" " Kim, where is Christian?" " No idea." "Don't start drinking now, Michael." "What are you saying?" "Why don't you make a speech?" "Right, let's get things swinging!" "A little sing-song." "I've seen a real black Sambo his face was black as pitch he spoke all funny and had a ring in his nose" "I asked him "what are you?"" "Why are your legs covered in tar?" "He just laughed and said these words..." "Fidlihakola tomrassi gassi bom black massa was from umblagidarum" "I've seen a little Indian his face was as red   as fire." "He spoke all funny..." "I can't bear this." "They'll kill each other." " Calm down..." " I'm going crazy." "I've got such a headache." "Will you fetch my tablets?" " Have you seen Christian?" " No, he's gone home." " A good thing he's gone home." " I'll get your tablets." "You're all crazy." "My head..." " You're still capable..." " For longer than you think, Helge." "It's nearly 10 o'clock   and something exciting is about to happen." "As Alfred Hitchcock suggested for his gravestone,   "this is what happens to naughty little boys"." "Helge, you're not getting out of the family tradition." "The grand finale." "It's daddy's birthday it really is today daddy's birthday today..." "Now listen to the way we play the trumpet" "today it's daddy's birthday listen to the way we play the flute..." "You dropped something..." "It's not good to drop things." "Hello... you're not going?" "So soon?" " I want to go home now." " Don't be silly." "It's time for dessert." "Well..." "I love these traditions of the family." "After the dance around the house a note appears   on the toastmaster's glass." "And so it is today." ""A man urges his sister to read letter to his father."" "A letter." "I think Helene is just too shy to start... right, Helene?" "In any case,   it is kind of your brother to help you get started." "And it seems that there is peace in the family again." "So let's give Helene a hand." " Come on." " Come on, Helene." "Don't be shy." "Michael... pretend he's not here." "It's..." "It's from my sister." ""Dear whoever finds this letter,   you are probably my sister or my brother." "Because you must be good at getting warmer." "Tee hee, giggle..." "I know it must be sad to find me in a bath full of water." "But it isn't so sad for me." "I know that my brothers and sister are happy, radiant people   and that I love you." "And I think you should just not think about me." "Christian, my beloved brother,   who has always been with me, I thank you for everything." "I don't want to mix you up in this." "I love you too much for that." "And you, Helene, and you, Michael, of course." "You nutter." "Dad has begun having me again." "In my dreams, anyway." "And I can't bear any more." "I'm going away now." "As I probably always should have done." "I know it will fill your life with darkness, Christian." "I have tried to ring you, but I know you're busy." "I just want to tell you not to be sad." "I think there is light and beauty on the other side." "I'm looking forward to it, as a matter of fact." "Although of course I am a bit afraid." "Afraid of leaving without you." "I love you forever." "Linda."" "That was a very beautiful letter." "Pour my daughter some port   so that I can drink a toast with her." "Pour my daughter some port so that I can drink a toast with her." "Pass the port to my daughter so I can drink a toast with her." "Pass the damned port to my daughter." "Pass the port to my daughter." "Show me some respect!" "I've never seen the like." "What are you staring at?" "Eh?" "Is it my fault that I have such talentless offspring?" "I've just never really understood why you did it." "It was all you were good for." "It is quite a job being toastmaster tonight." "I must admit I hadn't tried it before." "I am profoundly affected by the situation;" "We all are." " Nevertheless, I regard it..." " I have to go now." "...as my responsibility to see this dinner out." "So I suggest dancing, music and coffee next door." "Good evening." "I have collected the car keys and put them back." "May I have a glass of water?" "Shall I call a doctor?" "Christian?" "Christian?" "Are you OK?" "Come on..." "Christian?" "Christian?" "Pia?" "Pia?" "I was asleep." "Pia, my sister is here." "I love you." "Christian?" "Christian?" "Hi." "I miss you." "I miss you, too." "Shall I come with you?" "I'm going now." "Hello?" "Hello?" " It's Helene." "Were you asleep?" " What's the time?" "Late." "Three, I think." "I was asleep, too." "Or whatever you'd call it." "You know..." "I've been..." "Maybe you have, too?" " Have what?" " Nothing." "Please come, Christian." "Michael has disappeared." "What's going on?" "What's he up to?" "Michael has vanished and his wife is bawling her eyes out in my room." " Is the party still going on?" " No, I don't think so." "Don't worry about it." "Oh, they've all gone to bed..." "Find some glasses." "Where is Michelle?" "In Kim's room, I think." "People are sleeping in the wrong beds a bit." "Oh, we're not, are we, honey?" "That we don't, well, my baby?" " I've got a glass for Christian." " I want one, too." "As long as it's not someone yucky's glass." "Play the wedding waltz." "Gbatokai and Helene must dance." "Because I think you should get married." "Dad?" "It's Michael, man, little Michael." "I'm coming." "Open the door." "It's the fucking postman." "Open the door, damn you!" "Open it!" "Go inside, Else, and close the door." "Michael, stop it." " Stop it, Michael." " I told you to go inside." "Keep your mouth shut, I said, man." "I told you, man." "Keep your mouth shut." "Come back here." "Come back here." "Lie down, man." "Lie down!" "And stay lying down." "I've heard enough piss." "Lie down, I said." "You'll never see your grandchildren again, man." "Never again, get it, dad?" "This family... is kaput." "Lie down, I said." "Lie down, I said!" "It's me ringing the doorbell." "Michael, man." "They mustn't, mustn't." "Stop!" "Mummy, say something." "They mustn't..." "What's going on, mummy?" "They mustn't, they mustn't..." " Get out there, Gbatokai." " Your father!" "Back off, Michael." "You're killing me." "...killing me." "Waiter, could I have another drink?" "I do so like to start the day with a wee dram." "Morten..." "Are you thinking anything?" "Oh, well." "Over." "She's bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, at least." "Morning, Christian." " Good morning." " Have a roll." "Where the hell is Leif?" "There you are!" "How's the hairpiece?" "Where do you get your clothes crumpled?" "Næstved." "Pia..." "Do you want to come to Paris and live with me?" "Yes." "That was all." "Hey, have you got the hots for the waitress?" " Michael, shut up and eat up." " I'll eat that French stick." "Good morning..." "Good morning, everyone." "Bon appetit." "Dorthe, come to daddy." "Your father will read it to you, I'm sure." "I know it's an unsuitable moment." "You're having breakfast." "I'll try and be brief." "I just want to say   that I know that when you pack up and go home it will be the last time I see you." "I also see now   that what I did to my children is unforgivable." "I know that all of you..." " Especially my children - ...will hate me for the rest of your lives." "All the same, I want to tell you that you will always be my children   and I have loved you and love you   no matter where in the world you are or what you do." "To you, Christian, I want to say..." "You fought a good fight, my boy." "Thank you." "Nice one, dad." "Good speech." "Well done." "But I think you'll have to go now so we can eat our breakfast." "Of course, of course." "Coming?" "I'll stay here."