"Brad, we can't." "Yes, we can." "The doctor said I can resume all normal activities." "No, not here." "Somebody could walk in." "It's okay." "Everybody knows we've consummated." "It's--yuck!" "Do you have to say it that way?" "What?" "I'm trying to be classy." "Oy." "Listen, the point is, it's not a secret anymore." "We have nothing to hide." "Well, of course you have nothing to hide, Brad." "You're a guy." "It's totally different." "You--you got some." "I gave it up." "Come on." "You got some." "It's just-- It's weird." "Everything's different." "You should see the way they look at me." "It's this look of "I know what you did."" "Suddenly I'm reduced to "sexually-active girl." That's all I am now." "No, you're not." "You're much more than that to me." "Okay, okay, if we're gonna make out, let's at least go to my room." "Hey!" "Where are you guys going?" "Lily's-- Kitchen." "Okay." "Hey, kiddos." "You have a nice day?" "No, they did not." "They spent it with me in my apartment alphabetizing my CDs." "Yeah, and we had to do it twice 'cause Henry here filed the Clash under T." "Yeah, "The Clash."" "They're working off a debt they owe me from stealing my coin collection." "But I thought you got your coins back." "Not all of 'em." "It seems like half of them got pumped into an arcade game." "Eddie, cool it." "All right, you guys can knock off for today, but tomorrow wear some clothes that you can get paint on." "You smell that?" "Huh?" "[sniff-sniff]" "You smell that?" "Hamburgers?" "Thank you!" "Exactly." "Fourth night this week O'Keefe is in his backyard grilling, and why?" "To turn raw meat into cooked meat?" "No." "So he can blow his meat stink into our backyard." "Smells good." "Yes, your brother is displacing his anger." "Every time he sees O'Keefe, he thinks of Brad and Lily." "Hey, look, don't sweat it, Sean, all right?" "You got to put things into perspective, you know." "Lily's gonna go off to college." "She's gonna be sleeping with guys right and left." "Oh, thank you." "Thanks, Ed." "But no, this isn't about Lily, okay?" "This is about O'Keefe." "Check this out." "Oh, this is good." "What are we looking at?" "[Sean] Clear trash bags." "Huh?" "Can you believe it?" "I mean you can't make this stuff up." ""That's awful," he said, humoring the crazy man." "I mean--I mean, what, like," ""I'm Dan O'Keefe." ""The crap I throw away is nicer than any of the stuff you've got in your house."" "And it's not just the garbage bags!" "That's right." "It's not just the garbage bags, baby." "Well, it's not." "Finnerty." "O'Keefe." "You know, Sean, I'd really like to back you up here, but I don't think these things are that significant." "Exactly!" "Exactly!" "They're perfectly scaled to make me look like the crazy one." "Okay, this has to stop." "You know what?" "I'm gonna invite the O'Keefes over for dinner." "What?" "Whoa, whoa, baby." "Why?" "Because I know how this ends." "With you in the O'Keefe's front yard shouting obscenities and throwing eggs." "We're gonna clear the air." "You're gonna be civil." "Baby, I am always civil." "O'Keefe is the one with the problem." "[sniff]" "Oh, my God." "That's not hamburger." "That is steak." "Damn it, he's cooking steak!" "Aw, great." "This--this is nice." "Hi, Dad." "Lily." "Hi, Mr. Finnerty." "Oh!" "This isn't Lily's." "Shut up, Brad!" "No, it was here." "It's Mrs. Finnerty's." "Shut up, Brad!" "Not that I know what Lily's look" "Shut up, Brad!" "Not your boobs." "Your bra." "[screams]" "[groans]" "[dramatic music plays]" "Hey!" "Finnerty!" "Oh, sorry." "Sorry." "It's a brand-new nozzle." "Oh, yeah, that's the setting." "I'm sorry." "Why are you doing this to me?" "Because we love you." "That's your excuse for everything." "Listen, Brad's important to you, and I don't want there to be problems between our families the way your dad has a problem with my dad." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "I do not have a problem with your dad." "You pushed him down the stairs." "Okay, I think we've established that that was an accident." "Like the way you broke Brad's nose." "Again, an accident." "Tonight, no accidents." "[spits]" "What the hell are you doing?" "The guy in the subway station had a line." "Up!" "Up!" "Up!" "Okay, nice job, boys." "Let's clean up and it's dinnertime." "Yeah, Eddie, it's gonna be a little bit crowded at the table." "It's okay." "Me and my staff can eat in the kitchen." "[doorbell rings]" "Sean!" "I know you heard that." "Hi!" "Hey, Mrs. Finnerty." "So nice to see you." "Hey, Mrs. Finnerty." "Please come in." "Have a seat." "Well, you're here." "I, uh, brought you a bottle of wine." "Oh, thank you." "This is great." "I'll open this up." "Thank you." "That was very--very thoughtful." "Okay, I'm not crazy." "Look what he did!" "He brought you wine?" "Yeah, he brought us wine, like, what, we're too low-class to have our own wine?" "We have wine all the time." "Do we have a corkscrew?" "So you made it." "Yes, we did." "[chuckling] Was traffic bad?" "We live right next door." "Yeah, I was joking." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I should have got that." "No, no, that's okay." "I could have set it up more." "No, it was funny." "Dan..." "Yeah, I heard it." "Funny." "Lily?" "All right." "Cotes du Rhone, 1998." "How much you think this is worth?" "You think O'Keefe's showing off buying you an expensive bottle of wine?" "Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised." "Oh, or maybe it's the cheap stuff, like we're not good enough for the good stuff." "Huh?" "The ass!" "Henry, we need a price check." "Cotes du Rhone, '98." "Call Liquor City." "Right away, sir." "Okay, here's the wine." "Thank God." "Don't you want to let it breathe?" "Uh, I did." "I have a thing that does that." "Stay away from me!" "Why?" "Everybody's looking." "They're not looking." "Oh, my God!" "They're all sitting in there thinking about us and how we did it." "Lily, you're being paranoid." "No, I'm not, Brad." "You don't notice, okay?" "You're walking around all relieved." "I'm not-- You don't see it." "They're gonna be staring at me the whole night, and your mom's gonna be like," ""Well, get a load of the slut."" "That is not true." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, now that we're not in there, they're probably talking about us, which is even worse." "Why?" "What could they say that's so bad?" "Are you kidding?" "So, I guess you heard all about the intercourse." "I sure did." "No prouder moment for a parent than when their kids start having intercourse." "Ain't that the truth." "Hoping they're still Frenching though, too." "That's good stuff." "You know what I'm doing?" "I'm reseeding the front lawn so I can have a nice little soft spot for them to have intercourse." "...which is why I like to use the black trash bags." "But, you know, I'm not telling you what to do." "It's your garbage, right?" "Pervs." "Hello, I'm Jimmy." "I'll be your waiter this evening." "There's no need to be sarcastic." "Aren't you gonna offer me some pepper?" "Would you like pepper?" "Is it fresh?" "How the hell should I know?" "Why, yes, thank you." "I will have some." "What are you doing?" "Doing you a favor." "Eating in the kitchen." "The lasagna's not for you." "Put" "Eddie, you cut a hole in the center." "I don't like the end pieces." "Too crispy." "There's a great big hole in it." "So you can tell them it's a Bundt lasagna." "Jeez." "Okay, everybody, dinner's served." "Oh!" "Everyone can just sit wherever." "Brad, get away." "Ah, lasagna." "Smells delicious." "Yeah, I can't smell anything because of my" "No offense, Mr. Finnerty." "Oh, none taken." "Oh, please!" "Chew with your mouth closed, you idiot." "I can't breathe through my nose." "It's fine." "He's fine." "I like it." "I like it." "Shows he's enjoying it." "In Morocco it's considered a great compliment to the chef to burp after a meal." "You Moroccan, Finnerty?" "No." "No, I'm not." "Keep your hands where they can see them." "Get your elbows off the table, you idiot." "Do you have to call him an idiot?" "Why, is that bad luck in Morocco?" "Just don't, all right?" "Don't?" "Don't." "Stop." "Dad." "Sean." "It's okay, Mr. Finnerty." "You got a problem with how I talk to my own boy?" "I got an opinion about it, yeah." "Why don't you share it with us?" "I think I just did, genius." "Let's all calm down and take a deep breath." "He can't because he broke his nose." "Well, be that as it may, we have to be civil for Brad and Lily's sake." "Baby, I'm trying-- [all arguing]" "This guy keeps calling his son an idiot" "Stop picturing me naked!" "We're not gonna do this, okay?" "We need to get along now that Brad and Lily are together." "Oh, what's the big deal?" "They're together all the time." "Well, I mean since they became intimate." "They what?" "You tramp!" "Hey!" "What did I tell you?" "How could you?" "How could you not tell her?" "Obviously I didn't have to." "This blabbermouth did it for me." "Whoa, do not call my wife a blabbermouth." "She's not a tramp, Mom." "She hasn't even slept with Dean." "Who's Dean?" "Lily's boyfriend." "You have a boyfriend?" "Why can't I be dead?" "Did you not think this might come up in conversation at some point?" "Well, some of us don't discuss those things." "What's that supposed to mean?" "What the hell do you think this dinner's about?" "We didn't invite you over to play Boggle." "I'd kick your ass in Boggle." "Well, bring it on, pal." "I'm not gonna sit here while you play Boggle with the tramp's father." "Mom, she's not a tramp, okay?" "She planned for a whole year to sleep with her boyfriend, but then at the last minute she slept with me instead." "Don't--Stop making them picture it." "You slut!" "That's it!" "Get out!" "Come on, Brad!" "I'm sorry." "The lasagna was excellent." "It's Stouffer's, you idiot." "It was not!" "Love you, Lily." "Whoa!" "Oh, hey!" "And the '80s called." "They want their clear trash bags back." "Hey, baby." "How'd it go at the O'Keefes?" "Oh, it went okay." "Yeah, you smooth things over?" "Some things are smooth." "Other things..." "less smooth." "Hi." "Claudia." "I'm so sorry about what happened earlier tonight, and I'm really hoping we can just put it behind us." "And I made you a Bundt cake." "That's not a Bundt cake." "That's a regular cake with the middle cut out." "Oh, yeah, see..." "Eddie doesn't like the pieces on the side." "Too much icing." "Ah, dessert for the meal I never had." "I could bring you some lasagna." "He can starve!" "Listen, I really didn't come over here to bring you a cake." "Oh, so now you're taunting us with the cake." "No, you're welcome to the cake." "My son was robbed of his innocence, and you're gonna solve everything with a cake?" "The cake is a gesture." "Yeah, and so is this." "What!" "You forgot your cake!" "Aah!" "Maniac!" "Thank God I didn't go." "Okay." "Because no, if crazy Sean goes, who knows what's gonna happen." "Are you done?" "I don't know." "Are you gonna go strudel on my ass?" "What are you watching?" "Tapes of the kids." "Oh, look at Henry." "He's so tiny." "What's he eating?" "Sand." "Oh." "Remember when we thought that was just a phase?" "You know, I found this one of Lily, and it--it made me, I don't know, you know, think about back when..." "Back when you could order her around?" "Well, just back when I could understand her at all." "[chuckles]" "I'm gonna go see how she's doing." "[knock on door]" "Hello." "Can I come in?" "Whatever." "You okay?" "Yeah, you know, tonight was so wonderful." "I just want to lie here and bask." "Honey, I'm really sorry." "Well, you should be." "It was your idea to butt in and invite the O'Keefes over." "Hey!" "It wasn't my idea for you to sleep with Brad." "Okay, now it comes out." "You're 16 years old." "And how old were you?" "17." "That's not what we're talking about." "No, we're talking about my life and how you screwed it up." "I was trying to fix things." "Well, Mom, things didn't need fixing." "Everything was fine." "The morning after Brad and I got together, it was just the two of us." "It was amazing." "Brad?" "Hey." "Hey." "How long have you been sitting out here?" "I don't know." "But my legs are numb." "Were you waiting for me?" "Yeah." "I-I wanted--I wanted to give you these." "Are those from our yard?" "Uh, there wasn't anywhere else open, so..." "Thanks." "Hey, would-- would it be okay if I kissed you?" "You don't have to ask." "If you want to kiss me, you don't have to ask either." "Okay." "My dad's gonna come out for the paper in a minute." "Did you know the paper comes at 4:00?" "Well, I'll see you later, okay?" "Okay." "Bye." "Oh!" "My legs are still numb." "I'm fine." "It was like we were the only two people in the whole world." "And then other people came in and screwed up the whole thing." "I'm so sorry." "I know, I know." "You were just trying to help." "But promise me Dad won't go next door and wind up making everything worse." "Hey... give your Dad some credit." "[door opens, shuts]" "Hey, baby, look at Henry go." "Yeah, it was probably a bad idea to let him take a spoon to the beach." "Oh, check out this one." "Look at Lily in the tub." "What happens to kids?" "[sobbing]" "Who's that with her?" "Is that--Is that Brad?" "Yeah." "So you're the reason they're together!" "Sean, they were 3." "Maybe he's checking out her business!" "Oh, God, no." "Enough of this." "Where's, uh, where's Lily's sixth birthday party tape?" "I don't know." "Why?" "Because that's the one where Brad gets kicked in the head by a pony." "Okay, fine." "You'll watch it." "You'll laugh." "Then what are you gonna do?" "Rewind it and watch it again." "All right, I got nothing better." "All right, you look for it." "I'm gonna get some more ice cream." "You want some?" "No, but I bet Lily would if--if her Dad brought it to her." "I got you." "Oh, you're still up?" "Hey, Jimmy, Henry, what are you guys doing out?" "I thought you were up in bed." "Ah, we couldn't sleep." "Why not?" "Uncle Eddie wouldn't let us." "Made us go to his place and shampoo his carpet." "What?" "Yeah, I got to test a small area first to make sure it was colorfast." "And?" "It was!" "All right, that's enough." "You guys, no more working for your Uncle Eddie." "Okay, but you kids are gonna thank me one day." "It's like Nietzsche says." "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger." "So if you, like, cut off Nietzsche's arms and legs, that would make him stronger?" "And lighter." "All right, you guys." "Go to bed." "Thanks, Uncle Eddie." "It was great." "Man, the smell better come out of my hair." "Lily." "It's a little late, Dad." "This will only take a minute." "I brought some ice cream." "[chuckles] Thank you." "So I know this stuff with the O'Keefes seems pretty crazy, but I promise you it'll blow over." "I know, Dad." "It's fine, really." "And thanks for sticking up for Brad." "You know, he's okay." "I mean, you could do worse than Brad, hmm?" "Yeah." "[chuckles] Thank you, Dad." "Remember when I used to come up here every night and read to you?" "Uh-huh." "[Brad] Ohh!" "Is Brad O'Keefe under your bed?" "You can come out, Brad." "No, I'm good!" "Brad, come on out!" "Hi, Mr. Finnerty." "Look, okay, here's the deal." "All right, I can't stop you two from doing what you're gonna do, but don't do it in my house." "Have the decency to sneak around, okay?" "The back of a car, behind a bowling alley, something like that, you got it?" "We got it, Dad." "Good night, Mr. Finnerty." "Good night, Lily." "So you want to go bowling?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "I was just" "Hey." "Everything okay?" "I think so." "Do you mind if I have any of that ice cream?" "Oh, there's cake at your house." "So you want to go to bed?" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Go up there first." "I'm gonna go take out the trash, okay?" "Okay." "Oh, yeah." "Good ol' black, made-in-the-U.S.A." "trash bags, huh?" "Ah, jeez, can't a man sleep in his own yard?" "O'Keefe?" "What are you doing out here?" "Ah, the wife kicked me out." "Apparently I don't communicate well." "Blah, blah, blah, something." "Listen, you know," "I don't know if this matters to you or not, but I'm gonna make a real effort to tolerate you from now on." "Yeah?" "Well, I guess I could stop flicking the rubber bands on your yard." "Oh, God, I knew it!" "I--You knew that was driving me crazy, right?" "I push your buttons like an elevator." "So, what?" "You gonna stay out here all night?" "Looks like it." "The shrew locked the dead bolt." "Sorry about that." "Yeah." "Hey!" "If you see that idiot boy of mine, would you tell him I need his key?" "Look, it's none of my business, but he's your son, you know?" "And if you keep calling him an idiot" "You're right." "It is none of your business." "I run my house my way, and I say what I like." "And I don't need Gentle Ben telling me what I can and I can't" "Aah!" "Good night." "Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc." "Burbank, CA"