"THE BITTER TEARS OF PETRA VON KANT" "A case history ... dedicated to him who became MarIene here." "With the special participation of Irm Hermann as MerIene" "marlene ... be more considerate, please!" "I've had such awful dreams." "My head is so heavy." "Like lead." "The telephone!" "Quick!" "Mrs. von Kant, please!" "Of course..." "I'II wait." "Squeeze me some orange juice!" "I'm dying of thirst." "Mother?" "I couldn't make it yesterday." "My work, ... you know." "No, I've been up for ages." "It's true." "I haven't a moment's peace." "But it has its good sides, too." "Where are you going?" "To Miami?" "I'm so happy for you, Mother." "Miami is lovely." "And the people!" "wonderful to know." "Just wonderful." "Six months?" "Oh, Mother, I hardly know what to say." "Six months in Miami!" "How I envy you!" "I couId do with that." "Thank you." "Start on the drawing!" "The sketch is on the easel." "Yes, Mother." "What was that?" "Of course I'm listening, but something's wrong with the line." "I'm sorry." "Don't be cross!" "There really was a crackling." "I'm not lying." "Now you're being nasty, Mother." "Yes ..." "I'm listening..." "I understand..." "How much do you need?" "8,000?" "That's a Iot of money." "I can lend you 5,000, but not more." "What with expenses, and then GabrieIe." "Ask Tatiana, or perhaps..." "Yes, Mother." "marlene..." "I want you to write a letter..." "To Joseph Mankiewicz." "The address is in the files." "Dear Mankiewicz ... my dear friend ... comma ..." "I'm afraid I shall be unable to make payment... period." "There are circumstances between heaven and earth ... period...period...period..." "But to whom am I telling this?" "question mark!" "Hoping you will understand, I remain your dear friend ..." "Petra von Kant." "I'II sign it right away." "Come here!" "Take it down ... and be quick!" "well!" "Hurry up!" "That drawing must be finished by noon." "Any mail?" "Karstadt?" "Karstadt wants me to design for them." "marlene, did you hear me?" "It's the chance of a lifetime!" "Karstadt?" "Mr. MüIIer-FreienfeIs, please!" "My name is Petra von Kant." "Petra von Kant speaking!" "Yes..." "I did..." "This week is full." "I might manage Friday..." "One moment!" "Yes, I can squeeze it in on Friday." "When?" "Three o'cIock?" "Fine!" "At three!" "See you then!" "Those rats!" "Do you remember when I offered them my first designs three years ago?" "They didn't want to know." "How times change!" "The man was so servile." "When I think...!" "At this time?" "My God, who...?" "Open the door!" "What does it matter?" "1 0:30 already!" "darling!" "Sidonie!" "My dearest!" "Petra!" "My God!" "How long...?" "Three years, my dear." "How time flies!" "But you look absolutely stunning!" "How do you do it?" "I have nothing on you..." "Your youth, your beauty!" "And Frank?" "I read about you two." "In australia of all places!" "And I said to Lester, "Poor dear!" "Look what's happened!"" "We always warned you about that man." "We all have to make our own experiences." "I don't regret it one bit." "No one can take away the things you learn in life." "On the contrary, they give you maturity." "I don't know, Petra." "When you can foresee the end from the start ... is the experience worth the candle?" "Make some coffee, MarIene!" "Or would you prefer tea?" "Coffee would be fine." "Have you had breakfast?" "Yes." "I flew down from Frankfurt this morning." "I couldn't wait to hear how you were bearing up." "Whether you were suffering..." "people change." "I was different once, I know." "I wouldn't have known how to cope." "The shame of it alone!" "I believed in the goodness of the man." "But marriage ... brings out the worst in people." "I'm not so sure." "Lester..." "Oh, forgive me!" "With all your travels, you never got to know each other properly." "But Frank and I ... we were inseparable ... and in constant fear of our existence." "That's when you get to know what the other person's made of." "Sorry, I didn't want to sound bitter, but ... there would have been some opportunities ... really wonderful opportunities." "for that man and me." "But it was not to be!" "still dreaming of him?" "No, Sidonie." "I just regret the chances we missed." "They certainly existed." "It's very sad, believe me," "when you realize that the distressing things ... by far outweigh the beautiful things you feel." "Did you quarrel...?" "quarrel?" "Not in the normal way." "Sometimes there was a coldness." "You feel it." "Look..." "You're with someone ... in a car or in a room ... and you want to say something, but you're afraid." "Or you'd Iike to be affectionate, but again you're afraid." "You're afraid of losing points, of being the weaker one." "It's a terrible moment ... when you can no Ionger go back and start again." "I think I understand what you mean." "Very vaguely, but..." "I know what you're going to say:" "the wise person gives in." "No, once you're in the mire, who can pull you out again, in terms of human relations, I mean?" "It can't have been like that for the whole three years." "Of course not." "At times, it was so beautiful that..." "There are moments when you forget ... everything," "including the fact that you could resolve the difficulties, and find a common basis to..." "But we were stuck in the mire!" "Poor thing!" "It's easy to pity, but much harder to understand." "If you understand someone, there's no need for pity." "You can help change things." "Pity only what you can't understand!" "I see ... the whole thing has hardened you." "It's a pity." "I was always suspicious of hard women." "I seem hard, only because I'm using my head." "You're evidently not used to women using their brains." "My poor little dear!" "Petra!" "please!" "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." "I just want you to listen to what I say ... and not have a preconceived opinion." "Of course!" "I can understand your bitterness." "Did he ask for the divorce?" "No, I did." "Not him?" "You...?" "Good heavens!" "That surprises you, eh?" "Poor little Petra ... who couldn't do without her husband, hopelessly in love, almost a slave..." "And she asks for a divorce." "terrible, isn't it?" "Did he...?" "No." "He wasn't unfaithful." "adultery wouldn't have been a reason for me to separate." "For my part, the relationship was a healthy one." "We both attached more importance to pleasure than fidelity;" "fidelity as a duty, that is." "mentally we were faithful to each other, no doubt." "There were other reasons why it didn't work out." "Of course, when things go wrong, it turns to disgust ... and hatred." "But that had nothing to do with what was going on around us ... or with other people." "Thank you." "Yes, thank you." "Go on sketching!" "It's urgent." "Can we...?" "marlene's been with me for three years." "She hears everything, sees everything, knows everything." "Don't take any notice of MarIene!" "well, to get back to...!" "What estranged you both;" "what made you so sick?" "You see, Petra," "Lester and I went through a time ... when it looked as if everything were over." "We were weary, disgusted and..." "You have to be wise, show understanding and humility." "A woman has her devices." "She just has to know how to use them." "I wasn't interested in "devices", especially not female ones." "I had no time for conjuring tricks." "Tricks, Petra?" "Yes, they're tricks." "Dodges, cheating if you Iike." "They lead to a loss of freedom." "When I hear words like "humility"!" "Don't sneer!" "Don't sneer at me!" "Lester and I are really happy now." "humility paid off." "He thinks he's the boss." "I let him think so, but in the end I get my way." "Listen, darling," "I know what you mean, and it may be all very well for you and Lester." "Maybe this sense of compulsion ... is just what you need." "But ... you see," "Frank and I ... we wanted to make our love beautiful." "And for us, "beautiful" meant ... always knowing what was going on ... in yourself ... and in the other person." "We didn't want a humdrum marriage with codes of behavior." "We wanted to decide everything anew, always be ... alert," "always ... free." "I don't understand ... why everything must be so complicated when it can be simple." "Codes of behavior exist for us to use them consciously." "Why keep having to decide things anew, when we have tried and trusted methods ... and they're good?" "We wanted to be happy together." "You understand?" "Together!" "There's no tried and trusted model I know for that." "What turned it all into disgust ... when there was so much clarity and understanding?" "Success, for example." "The success I had ... and that Frank hoped for and needed so much." "That's how it began." "It was as simple as that." "I'm sorry, but success is no reason to..." "Men!" "... and their vanity!" "He wanted to pamper me, take care of me." "Of course, he took me seriously ... and respected my opinions." "But ... he wanted to be the breadwinner." "And that's how oppression comes about, quite automatically." "It works like this:" "I listen to you ... and understand you, but who slaves away and earns the money?" "One rule for him, another for me." "My dear, at first, it was:" ""Everything you earn, my girl, will be put aside for later."" ""A home of our own, a sports car..."" "I agreed, because ... he was so loving, Sidonie." "And sometimes the love he lavished on me ... just swept me away." "I was breathless for joy." "Then, when he struck a bad patch, it was almost funny to see ... how his ridiculous pride was pricked." "To be honest," "I enjoyed it." "especially as I thought he knew how ridiculous his behavior was." "But he didn't." "And later, when I tried to tell him ... that it made no difference to me whether a man was on top or not ... it was too late." "As soon as I broached the matter ... he was like a wall, Sidonie," "like a wall." "gradually the honesty began to die." "I thought I was mistaken ... in him or myself." "So then I called it a day." "I stopped loving him." "The last six months were excruciating, believe me, excruciating!" "He realized it was all over." "He felt it at Ieast." "But he refused to accept it." "He wasn't really intelligent." "He tried to hold on to his wife ... if not wholly, at Ieast in bed." "That's when it turned to disgust." "He tried a new technique:" "violence." "I let him possess me." "I bore it." "But... the man seemed so filthy." "Petra!" "He stank!" "He stank of man." "The way men stink." "What had once had its charms ... now nauseated me, brought tears to my eyes." "The way he took me!" "Petra, please !" "Hear the story out, will you!" "He mounted me like a bull mounting a cow." "Not the slightest respect anymore." "No thought of a woman's pleasure." "The pain, Sidonie!" "The pain!" "You can't imagine it." "And when I... sometimes..." "Oh, the shame of it!" "I felt so humiliated." "He thought I was crying for love and gratitude." "How stupid he was!" "He was so dumb!" "How stupid men are!" "You poor thing!" "How you must have suffered!" "I don't need your pity." "He ... deserved mine." "Understanding, kindness or pity, if nothing else were possible." "He aroused no feelings in me." "It became worse and worse." "When we dined together ... his chewing ... sounded like an explosion." "I couldn't stand it when he swallowed, the way he cut his meat, ate his vegetables, held a cigarette, a glass of whiskey..." "Everything seemed so ridiculous... so affected." "I felt ashamed for him." "I imagined everyone else must see him the way I did." "Of course, it was hysteria, panic." "There was nothing left to save." "AII over!" "Finished!" "The end!" "I'm so ashamed." "There's no need." "No need to be ashamed." "You've tried to Iearn, tried to understand." "Whereas I..." "I think ... people are made to need each other." "But they haven't learned ... to live together." "That must be Karin." "Karin?" "A delightful girl." "I met her on the boat from Sydney to Southampton." "She wants to make a start in Germany." "hello!" "This is Petra von Kant." "I told you so much about her." "hello!" "Take a seat!" "please excuse the mess!" "Things are a bit upside down." "It doesn't matter." "Some tea?" "Or a brandy?" "A brandy, please!" "marlene, cognac!" "And you, Sidonie?" "No, thanks." "Not this early." "Funny," "I imagined you much older, more ... distinguished." "Is that the word?" "That is the word, yes." "But why older?" "people who are so successful, so famous..." "I don't know..." "They're usually older." "It's the exception that proves the rule." "Thank you." "Cheers!" "It's time we were leaving, Karin." "I'II give you a call." "I'm staying longer this time." "Do that, Sidonie!" "Take care!" "Bye!" "Byebye!" "You have a good figure." "You could use it to advantage." "Get in touch with me some time!" "I'd love to!" "Coming!" "Let's say tomorrow evening..." "at eight?" "See you tomorrow, then." "Yes, till tomorrow." "You've altered the sleeves?" "Yes... that's good." "They'II like that better." "That was the bell, MarIene!" "And I'm not ready yet." "Open the door!" "I'II be down in a moment." "Karin!" "How nice!" "Good evening, Mrs. von Kant." "I've prepared a bite to eat." "marlene, serve the food!" "So here you are!" "Here I am." "Enjoying it here in Germany?" "I was away only 5 years." "Yes, I'm enjoying it." "Nothing's changed much." "Things stay the way they are in Germany." "tell me about yourself." "Me?" "There's nothing much to tell." "Oh yes there is:" "what you think, what you ... dream..." "Nothing much!" "I just want my little corner of the world." "Is that asking too much?" "On the contrary, Karin." "That's what ... we live for:" "to fight for a place for ourselves." "Do we have to fight?" "Of course." "I had to fight, too, and hard." "Very hard." "That's life." "I always thought I was too lazy to fight." "Too lazy?" "Yes." "I prefer to lie in bed, reading magazines, novels..." "Maybe you haven't found the right incentive for living yet." "You're still young." "Twenty-three." "exactly!" "You've so much ahead of you." "Good things, bad, ugly, beautiful things..." "Life begins at 23." "Does it?" "Yes." "Don't you think so?" "My God, I have so much experience already." "I'm married and..." "You are...?" "Yes!" "My husband stayed in australia." "We had..." "It's all so complicated." "No..." "Nothing is simple." "Nothing at all." "You have to understand ... what humility is." "humility?" "You see, everyone has his own theory of the world." "I believe ... you have to have humility to be able to bear ... what you know." "I have humility in my work ... or in respect of the money I earn, or the many things ... that are stronger than myself." "I think "humility" is a strange word." "It reminds me of kneeling and praying." "I don't really know..." "Maybe these ... concepts ... are not suitable for young people." "I'd have reacted in the same way at your age." "Thank you." "help yourself!" "Do you think you'd enjoy working as a model?" "I don't know the trade and what's involved..." "But why not?" "Fine!" "We must talk business." "You can't just go down the runway and think you know everything." "You must be willing to Iearn." "I am willing to Iearn." "I want nothing for free." "I couId help you, of course." "Later on, when you know the ropes, you'II easily find work." "Thanks." "You may have difficulties at first." "financial difficulties, I mean." "You wouldn't earn anything during training." "I suppose not." "I'II help you." "That's an offer." "That shouldn't be an obstacle." "That's very nice of you." "The nice thing about the job is ... that you get around a Iot." "I Iove big foreign cities at night." "Are you fond of traveling?" "Depends!" "Yes, I think so." "It can be marvelous:" "travel, new experiences, foreign cities, music..." "Do you Iike art?" "Art?" "I don't know." "Theater, concerts, good movies?" "Oh, yes," "I Iove the movies." "Pictures about passion... and pain." "lovely!" "We could learn together." "That makes it easier." "I was lucky to have parents ... who pointed out to me at an early age ... the beautiful things in life." "What were yours like?" "My father was a toolmaker." "Very interesting." "We didn't have much." "Lot's of work and not much fun." "That's how it was." "They didn't have a good life." "A tiny apartment, three kids ... screaming all the time." "But your parents devoted themselves to you as a child, didn't they?" "Devoted themselves to us?" "We were in the way, a nuisance most of the time." "Poor child!" "It must have been dreadful." " No!" "" "They meant it well." "Besides, they left us in peace." "It's better if parents don't interfere ... with all the things you have in your head." "Even so," "leaving children to their own devices?" "I'm not so sure." "You know ..." "I have a daughter myself?" "I haven't always time to look after her, but ..." "I know she's at the best boarding school there is." "It's a reassuring feeling." "I liked school." "Didn't you?" "No," "I don't think I did." "I know I was glad when it was over." "although I was fairly good." "I'm sure you're very intelligent." "intelligent?" "Yes." "But I didn't like learning in those days." "The things I was interested in, I found easy." "It was the same with me." "I was unbeatable at the things I liked." "FunniIy enough, I Ioved mathematics." "I didn't." "I was always bad at arithmetic." "It was OK at first, but later, with those letters and so on," "I was lost." "Strange!" "algebra fascinated me ... tremendousIy." "tremendously!" "algebra?" "No, that wasn't for me." "Never could understand it!" "Why stick a letter onto a number?" "I still don't understand." "It's not important." "There are more important things in the world." "I Ioved gymnastics, and athletics in summer," "or games, Iike handball." "I wasn't keen on gymnastics on the apparatus." "I always had better grades in summer." "Did you?" "No, I preferred apparatus work." "It requires ... discipline." "Another of those words young people hate, I suppose?" "discipline's OK as long as you're having fun." "But discipline for its own sake, or compulsion..." "I don't think that's good." "It's funny, but ..." "I need a push to make me do things." "Like needing money, or having to keep a promise." "If there were no compulsion," "I'd be totally lost at times." "Yes, I understand." "But it's better if you can do without it." "My Dad took us on a bike ride every Sunday." "The whole family pedaIed away." "Him in front, then Mom, then us three girls behind." "He cycled like mad out in front." "He was a man." "When we came home we were worn out, and he was as fresh as a daisy." "Then he had a row about nothing with Mom every Sunday." "Anyway, we all had to go along." "Maybe I'd have chosen to go along sometimes, but it was never fun that way." "The thought of it is amusing, though:" "Dad, Mom, and us three girls on our bikes!" "Isn't it?" "Why... yes!" "It was brutal of your father, but that's not the sort of compulsion I mean." "I'm talking about the constraints people accept ... that they wish for and need." "How are your parents?" "They're both dead." "I'm so sorry for you." "Both of them?" "Dad killed Mom, then hanged himself." "No!" "How terrible!" "Now you see me in a different light." "It's always the same." "people like me, until they hear my story." "Then it's all over." "No, Karin." "On the contrary." "I feel... a great affection for you." "Even greater now I've heard your family history." "We must make amends to you." "Let's be real friends, hmm?" "Sure." "It makes things easier." "A bottle of sekt!" "She's a good girl." "She does all my work for me." "But tell me..." "How did it happen...?" "My parents, you mean?" "Quite simple!" "Didn't you read about it in the papers?" "No, I can't remember." "Dad drank like a fish..." "No, it wasn't like that..." "One day his firm told him:" ""Thimm, we're a competitive firm," ""and there's no room for people of your age."" "I'm not sure exactly." "I wasn't there, but it was something like that." "He broke down, cried and began to thrash about." "Somebody from works security came and threw him out." "He went to his regular bar ... and got drunk." "What else could he do?" "Dad always drank heavily." "Then he went home," "killed Mom and hanged himself." "He saw no future for himself and his wife." "It's as simple as that." "I went off to australia, but ... things are not so rosy there either." "You don't get anywhere without pushing." "AII that's going to change, Karin." "We're both going to do our best ... to make something out of your life." "WouIdn't that be great!" "I've often given up hope." "I had a bellyful with my husband!" "He made me slave and said he'd make a pile of money." "He said it was only a matter of time." "He got on my damned nerves." "Cheers!" "Cheers!" "Here's to us!" "That we use our opportunities." "I can see you now, striding down the runway." "I'II design a collection specially for you." "I'II make a top model out of you." "You're beautiful, Karin." "Do you Iike this kind of music?" "They're records from my youth." "They either make me sad... or really happy." "It depends."