"5, 6, 7, 8!" "Anybody seen the Kelly sisters?" "You, you're up in 5." " Keep the change, Charlie." " Thank you." "Velma, where ya you been?" "And where's Veronica?" " She's not herself tonight." " But they paid to see a sister act!" "Don't sweat it." "I can do it alone." "Shit!" "Come on, Velma." "Move it!" "Move it!" "Hurry up!" "You're killing me here!" "Ladies and gentlemen... the Onyx club is proud to present Chicago's hottest dancing duo." "Two jazz babes moving as one." "The Kelly sisters!" "Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town and all that jazz" "I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down" "And all that jazz" "Start the car I know a whoopee spot where the gin is cold but the piano's hot" "It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl" "And all that jazz" "Skidoo" "And all that jazz" "And all that jazz" "Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes" "And all that jazz I hear that Father Dip is gonna blow the blues" "And all that jazz Hold on, hon we're gonna bunny hug I bought some aspirin down at United Drug in case you shake apart and want a brand new start to do ...that" " Jazz" "Let's go, babe." "But I didn't even meet your friend." "That, that manager guy." "Don't worry, Roxie." "It's all taken care of." " You told him about me?" " Yeah, kid." "It's all arranged." "Find a flask We're playing fast and loose" "And all that jazz Right up here is where I store the juice" "And all that jazz" "Come on, babe we're gonna brush the sky" "I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high" "'Cause in the stratosphere how could he lend an ear to all that jazz" "You're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake" "And all that jazz" "She's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break" "And all that jazz" "Show her where to park her girdle" "Her mother's blood would curdle if she'd hear her baby's queer for all that jazz" " Hello, Mrs. Borusewicz." " Mrs. Hart." "This is Fred." "He's my brother." "All that jazz" "Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town?" " And all that jazz" " And all that jazz" "I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down" " And all that jazz" " And all that jazz" "Start the car I know a whoopee spot where the gin is cold but the piano's hot" "It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl and all that ...jazz" " Say it again, Fred." "You're a star, kid." "My little shooting star!" "No, I'm no one's wife but I love my life and all that" "jazz" "That jazz" "Say it again, Fred." "Jesus." "Hey, where's the fire?" "Amos ain't home 'till midnight." "Freddie?" "Fred?" "Hey, you know, I don't want you to feel like I'm nagging at you." "But don't you think it's about time that I met your friend at the Onyx?" "I mean, it's been a month since you told him about me." "That was the night Velma Kelly plugged her husband and her sister." "You know, they say that she found them in the kip together." "Gosh, if I ever found Amos slipping it to somebody else..." "I'd throw him a party." "A great, big going-away party." "It's getting late." "I have been thinking a lot about my anthem." "Whenever I get a good idea..." "I write it down at my diary before it goes out of my head." "And you know what occurred to me the other day?" "That all the really, really knockout acts... have, you know, something more different going on, you know." "Like... a signature bit." "And I thought, I thought that my thing could be aloof, you know." "Give them just enough to get hungry, but always leave them wanting more." "Hey, and once I get a name for myself maybe... we could open a club of our own." "You could run it, and I could be the headliner." " Get off." " What's the idea?" "Wake up, kiddo, you ain't never gonna have an act." "Says who?" "Face it, Roxie." "You're a two-bit talent with skinny legs." " And I'm just a furniture salesman." " But you got connections, you know." " That guy down at the club." " There is no guy." " Yeah, but that night..." " The first time I set foot in there." "I was collecting on a bet from the trombone player." "So you never told anyone about me?" "Sugar, you are hot stuff." "I would a said anything to get a piece of that." "And now?" "Now?" "We had some laughs." "Let's just leave it at that." "Fred... you can't do this to me." "You get off!" "You touch me again, I'll put your lights out!" "Wait." "Your husband'll be home soon." "Wash yourself before hitting those sheets." " You're a liar, Fred!" " Yeah, so what?" "You lied to me." "That's life, sweetheart." "That's life." "You son of a bitch." "You son of a bitch!" "You son of a bitch!" "Why you bothering, Sal?" "This one's all wrapped up." "I hear it's a new city record." "From killing to confession in an hour." "Where did you get the murder weapon?" "I keep a gun in the underwear drawer." "Just in case of trouble, you know." "Well, that's just fine." "Sign right there, Mr. Hart." "Freely and gladly." "Freely and gladly." "And don't say we beat it out you when you get up on the witness stand." "No, I gave myself up." "Surrendered on my own free will." " Isn't he the cheerful murderer?" " Shooting a burglar ain't murder." "Just last week a jury thanked a man." "I'm always grateful for citizens who know the law." "Get him there." "You too." "Sit down!" "Okay, from the top." "A man's got a right to protect his home and his loved ones, right?" "Of course, he has." "Well, I come home from the garage, I see him climbing through the window." "With my wife Roxie laying there, sleeping like an angel." " That true, Mrs. Hart?" " I'm telling you, it's the truth!" "My wife had nothing to do with it." "She wouldn't hurt a worm." "Not even a worm." "It wasn't until I fired the first shot, she even opened her eyes." "She's some heavy sleeper." "I always said she could sleep through a parade." "When I think of what'd happen if I went off for a beer with the guys... instead of coming straight home, it makes me sick even think about it." "For her first number Roxie Hart'd like to sing a song of love and devotion... dedicated to her dear husband, Amos." "Sometimes I'm right Sometimes I'm wrong" "But he doesn't care He'll string along" "He loves me so" "That funny honey of mine" "Sometimes I'm down sometimes I'm up" "But he follows 'round like some droopy-eyed pup" "He loves me so that funny honey of mine" "Like I said, even after I shot him, he kept coming at me." "So I had to pull the trigger again." "He ain't no sheik That's no great physique" "And Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts" "But look at that soul I tell you, that whole is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts" "And if you knew him like me" "I know you'd agree" "What if the world slandered my name?" "Why, he'd be right there taking the blame" "He loves me so" "And it all suits me fine" "That funny sunny honey" "Hubby of mine" "And supposed if, just supposed if he had violated her or something." " You know what I mean, violated?" " I know what you mean." "Think how terrible it'd have been." "It's good I got home from work on time." "He loves me so that funny honey of mine" " Name of deceased, Fred Casely." " Fred Casely?" "How could he be a burglar?" "My wife knows him." "He sold us our furniture." "He gave us 1O% off." "Lord knows he ain't got the smarts" " You told me he was a burglar." " He was dead when you got home?" "She had him in a sheet." "She told me some bull story about this burglar... and how I ought to say I did it, 'cause I was sure to get off." ""Help me, Amos," she says." ""It's my goddamn hour of need."" "Now he shot off his trap I can't stand that sap" "And I believed her, that cheap little tramp." "So she's two-timing me, huh?" "Well, I'm through protecting her now." "She can swing for all I care." "Boy, I'm down at the garage working my butt off 14 hours a day." "And she's up munching on bon-bons... and tramping around like some goddamn floozy?" "Thought she could pull the wool over my eyes." "I wasn't born yesterday." "There's some things a man just can't take." "This time she pushed me too far!" "That little chiseler." "Boy, what a sap I was!" "You double-crosser!" "You big blabber mouth!" "You promised you'd stick..." "What are you talking about?" "You been stringing' me, Roxanne!" "You told me he was a burglar!" "The whole time you've been jazzing..." "You are a disloyal husband!" "Look, it's true." "I shot him." "But it's self-defense." "He tried to burgle me." "From what I hear, he's been burgling you 3 times a week for the last month." " So what do you say, Missus?" " That's him, all right." "Thank you." "Your story doesn't wash, Mrs. Hart." "So try this on for size." "Fred Casely was a good time on the side with goofy here is a meal ticket." "Meal ticket?" "He couldn't buy my liquor." "And Fred Casely could?" "With a wife and five little Caselys?" "Or did he forget to mention them?" " What?" " Yes." "That bastard." "That bastard!" "Yeah, I killed him!" "And I would kill him again!" "Once was enough, dearie." "Take her downtown." "Come on!" "This is it. 264 ½." "Here they come!" "This way, honey." "It's a shame to hide such a face." "Why did you shoot him?" "Give a smile like the girl from the toothpaste ad." "Enjoy it while you can." "Take this down." " Harrison says this is a hanging case." " Hanging?" " I'm ready to go to the jury tomorrow." " Wait, what do you mean hanging?" "Not so tough anymore, are you?" "Take her down to the Cook County Jail." "Come on, sweetie." "We need a headline." "Why did you shoot him?" "Was he cruel to you, did he beat you, was he fooling around?" "Hey, what do you mean hanging?" "Morphine, opium, cocaine?" " Arm length. 31 inches." " Arm length. 31 inches." "The matron's on her way." "So don't get too cozy." "Put off that cigarette!" "Ever had Morton before?" "She's fine... as long as you keep her happy." "And now, ladies and gentlemen, the keeper of the keys... the countess of the clink, the mistress of murderer's row." "Matron Mama Morton!" "Ask any of the chickies in my pen" "They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen" "I love 'em all and all of them love me" "Because the system works The system called reciprocity" "On your feet." "Welcome, ladies." "Got a little motto always sees me through" ""When you're good to Mama Mama's good to you"" "You might think I'm here to make your life a living hell... which is just not true." "There's a lot of favors I'm prepared to do" "You do one for Mama she'll do one for you" "I'd like to be a friend if you let me." "So if something upsets you or... makes you unhappy in any way... don't shoot your fat-ass mouth off to me." "I don't give a shit." "Move it out." "They say that life is tit for tat and that's the way I live" "So I deserve a lot of tat for what I've got to give" "Don't you know that this hand washes that one too?" "When you're good to Mama" "Mama's good to you" "Let's go!" "You must be Hart." "Ain't you the pretty one." " Thank you, ma'am." " Call me Mama." "I'm here to take care of you." "Now you'll be down in the east block." "Murderess Row, we call it." "Is that nicer?" "I don't think I really belong in here." "I didn't actually do anything wrong." "Don't need to tell me, honey." "I never heard of a man getting killed." " He got just what was coming to him." " Hey, Mama!" "Come here, come here." "Velma Kelly?" "You're the Velma Kelly?" "I was there that night." "I was there that night that you got arrested." "Yeah, you and half of Chicago." "Look at this, Mama." "An editorial denouncing me in "Redbook Magazine."" ""Not in memory do we recall so horrible a double homicide."" " You couldn't buy that publicity." " Couldn't buy it?" "I guess I can keep these then." "Nice try." "If you want my gravy pepper my ragout" "Spice it up for Mama She'll get hot for you" "When they pass that basket folks contribute to" "You put in for Mama She'll put out for you" "The folks atop the ladder are the ones the world adores" "So boost me up my ladder, kid" "And I'll boost you up yours" "Let's all stroke together like the Princeton crew" "When you're stroking' Mama Mama's stroking' you" "So what's the one conclusion I can bring this number to?" "When you're good to Mama" "Mama's good to you" "Mama?" "It's kind a freezing in here." "You don't think maybe there's something wrong with the heat?" "Not that I'm complaining, mind you." "But you know, if... if you got a couple extra blankets tucked away..." "Lights out, ladies!" "Pop." "Six." "Squish." "Uh-uh." "Cicero." "Lipschitz." "And now the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail, in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango."" " Cicero." "Lipschitz." "Pop." "Six." "Squish." "Uh-uh." "Cicero." "Lipschitz!" " Pop." " Six." " Squish." " Uh-uh." "Cicero." "Lipschitz." "He had it coming He had it coming" "He only had himself to blame" "If you'd been there If you'd seen it" "I betcha you would have done the same" " Pop." " Six." " Squish." " Uh-uh." " Cicero." " Lipschitz!" " Pop." " Six." " Squish." " Uh-uh." " Cicero." " Lipschitz!" "You know how people have these little habits that get you down?" "Like Bernie." "Bernie liked to chew gum." "No, not chew." "Pop." "So I came home this one day, and I am really irritated... and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy, and there's Bernie..." "Iyin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewing'." "No, not chewing'." "Popin'." "So, I said to him, I said, "You pop that gum one more time..."" "And he did." "So I took the shotgun off the wall... and I fired two warning shots into his head." "He had it coming He had it coming" "He only had himself to blame" "If you'd been there If you'd heard it" "I betcha you would have done the same" "I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago... and he told me he was single, and we hit it off right away." "So we started living together." "He'd go to work, he'd come home." "I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner." "And then I found out." ""Single" he told me?" "Single my ass." "Not only was he married, no, he had six wives." "One of those Mormons, you know." "So that night when he came home from work..." "I fixed him his drink as usual." "You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic." "He had it coming He had it coming" "He took a flower in its prime" "And then he used it And he abused it" "It was a murder but not a crime" "Now, I'm standing in the kitchen carving' up a chicken for dinner... minding my own business." "In storms my husband Wilbur, in a jealous rage." ""You been screwin' the milkman," he says." "He was crazy." "And he kept on screamin'." ""You been screwin' the milkman!"" "And then he ran into my knife." "He ran into my knife 1O times." "If you'd been there If you'd seen it" "I betcha you would have done the same" "Yeah, but did you do it?" "Uh-uh, not guilty!" "He had it coming" "My sister Veronica and I had this double act... and my husband, Charlie, traveled around with us." "For the last number in our act, we did 2O acrobatic tricks in a row." "One, two, three, four, five." "Splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other." "So this one night before the show we're down at the hotel Cicero... the three of us boozin' and havin' a few laughs... and we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some." "I come back, open the door... and there's Veronica and Charlie doing number 17... the spread eagle." "Well, I was in such a state of shock." "I completely blacked out." "I can't remember a thing." "It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands..." "I even knew they were dead." "They had it coming They had it coming" "They had it coming all along" " I didn't do it" " She didn't do it" " But if I'd done it" " But if she'd done it" "How could you tell me that I was wrong?" " They had it coming" " They had it coming" " They had it coming" " They had it coming" "They had it coming all along" "I didn't do it But if I'd done it" "How could you tell me that I was wrong?" "I loved Alvin Lipschitz more than I can possibly say." "He was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter." "But he was always trying to find himself." "He'd go out every night looking for himself and, on the way... he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary... and Irving." "I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences." "He saw himself as alive, and I saw him dead." "The dirty bum, bum bum, bum, bum" "The dirty bum, bum bum, bum, bum" "They had it comin' They had it comin'" "They had it comin' They had it comin'" "They had it comin' They had it coming all along" "'Cause if they used us and they abused us" "How could you tell us that we were wrong?" "He had it coming He had it coming" "He only had himself to blame" "If you had been there If you had seen it" "I betcha you would have done the same" " You pop that gum one more time..." " Ten times." " Number 17, the spread eagle." " Artistic differences." "Pop." "Six." "Squish." "Uh-uh." "Cicero." "Lipschitz." " Who belongs to them?" " What is it to you?" "Nothing, I heard they were Velma's." "Yeah, the Hunyak does all her laundry for a buck a week." " Fresh towels for the can." " Make it quick." "Hear me out on this." "Now Billy Flynn's set your trial date for March 5th." "March 7th you'll be acquitted." "March 8th, you know what Mama's gonna do?" " Gonna put you back on vaudeville." " So now you're an agent too?" "Well, dearie, until Ma Bell installs a private line in your cell all calls are gonna go through me." " What dough are we talking about?" "You know, it's a crazy world." "I mean, Babe Ruth is wearing rouge and playing the Palace for $5,OOO a week." "Yeah." "And what about someone with real talent?" "Well, I been talking to the boys over William Morris." "And due to your recent activities, they think they can get you $2,5OO." "$2,5OO?" "Jeez, the most me and Veronica ever made was 35O." "Well, that's what happens when you have the right representation." "You know what, Mama, I always wanted to play Big Jim Colisimo's." " Do you think you could get me that?" " Big Jim's?" "Jeez, I don't know." "It's gonna take another phone call." " How much is that gonna cost?" " Come on, Vel." "I feel about you." "You're like family to me." "You're like one of my own." " I'll do for 5O bucks." " 5O bucks for a phone call?" "You must've got a lot of wrong numbers, Mama." "Miss Kelly, got your personals." "Freshly pressed by yours truly." "No, no." "It's my pleasure." "Hey, listen." "Can I ask you something?" "You know that Harrison guy?" "He said that what I done is a hanging case... and that he's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty." " Yeah?" "So?" " So, I'm scared." "I sure would appreciate some advice, I mean, especially from... someone I admire as much as you." "I always wanted to be on the stage." "Really?" "What's your talent?" "Washing and drying?" "No, no, no." "I danced in a chorus." " That was before I met my husband." " Look, honey, you want some advice?" "Here it is, direct from me to you." "Keep your paws off my underwear, okay?" "Yeah, okay." "Thanks for nothing." " She's something, ain't she?" "I tell you, no matter how big she gets, she's still as common as ever." "I'd like to help you, dearie." "Take a load off." "So, what do you figure on using for grounds?" " Grounds?" " What are you gonna tell the jury?" " I figure I'd tell them the truth." " The truth?" " One-way ticket to the death house." " Holy mother of God." "Relax." "I mean, in this town, murder is a form of entertainment." "Besides, in 47 years Cook County ain't never hung a woman yet." "So the odds are 47 to 1 that they won't hang you." "Jesus Mary Joseph." "You're talkin' to the wrong people." "What you need is Billy Flynn." " Who?" " Billy Flynn." "He's only the best criminal lawyer in all of Illinois." "Tell me what he don't know about juries and women." " How do you get this Billy Flynn?" " Well, not by praying, deary." "First, you give me 1OO$." "Then I'll make a phone call." "1OO$?" "Well, you just..." "I mean, it seems pretty stiff for a phone call." "But it's worth every cent." "I mean, he's never lost a case for a female client yet." "And with a sweet little puss like yours, well... let's just say justice ain't so blind in Chicago." " He's never lost a case?" " Never." "Every girl in this place would kill to have Billy Flynn representing them." "We want Billy" "B-I-DOUBLE-L-Y" "We're all his" "He's our kind of a guy" "And, uhh, what luck" "'Cause here he is" "Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the silver tongue, the prince." "The one, the only." "Billy Flynn!" "I don't care about expensive things" "Cashmere coats, diamond rings don't mean a thing All I care about is love" "That's what he's here for" "I don't care forwearin' silk cravats" "Ruby studs, satin spats" "Don't mean a thing All I care about is love" "All he cares about is love" "Give me two eyes of blue ...softly saying" " I need you" "Let me see her standin' there and honest, mister, I'm a millionaire" "I don't care for any fine attire" "Vanderbilt might admire" "No, no, not me All I care about is love" "All he cares about is love" " Good morning, ladies." " Not guilty!" "You tell him, sweetheart." "That's what he's here for" "Excuse me." "Do you remember anything at all about that night?" "I passed out completely, Miss Sunshine." "I can't remember a thing." " Only that I didn't do it." " Any idea who did, dear?" "No." "But my client offers a reward to anyone with information about it." " How much is the reward, Miss Kelly?" " I don't know, how much?" "We'll work it out after the trial." "Now, if there are no more questions..." "Miss Kelly and I have a lot of work to do." "What's all this about a reward?" "Dumb reporters." "They'll write it up wrong, you deny the whole thing later." " Thank you!" " One more question..." "All he cares about is love" " Mr. Flynn, I'm Roxie Hart." " Who?" " Mama talked to you about me." " Yeah, right, right." "The cute one." " I was hoping you might represent me." " You have 5,OOO$?" "That's a lot of money." "Mama didn't say anything about 5,OOO$." "Look, Mr. Flynn..." "I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but... maybe we could make some sort of arrangement between us." "And I can be an awfully good sport." "Good, you got that out of your system." "Now listen... you mean just one thing to me." "You call me when you got 5,OOO$." "All he cares about is love" "Show me long raven hair flowing' down, about to there" "When I see her runnin' free keep your money that's enough for me" "I don't care for drivin' Packard cars or smoking long buck cigars" "No, no, not me" "All I care about is doin' the guy in who's pickin' on you" "Twistin' the wrist that's turnin' the screw" "All I care about is love" "He'll see you now." " Well, hello, Andy." " Amos, my name is Amos." "That's right." "Take a seat." "You know, you're a remarkable man." "Your wife two-times you, plugs the guy and then tries to pin it on you." "Most men would let a dame like that swing." "But no, you're sticking by her." " Makes you a hero in my eyes." " That's right." "I'm a hero." "Did you bring the money?" "I didn't do as well as I hoped, but..." "I will, Mr. Flynn." "I will." " This is only a thousand." " Plus there's 3OO I borrowed... from the guys down at the garage, and there's 7OO from the building and loan fund." " 2,OOO?" "And that's all I got so far." "But I'll give you $2O off my salary every week." "I'll give you notes with interest." "Double, triple, 'till it's paid." "You came to me yesterday, I didn't ask you if she's guilty or innocent." "I didn't ask you if she was drunk or a dope fiend, no!" "All I said was, "Do you have 5,OOO$?" You said yes!" "But you don't have 5,OOO$!" "So I figure you're a dirty liar and I don't waste my time with dirty liars!" "Look..." "I'm real sorry, Mr. Flynn." "On the other hand, your devotion to your wife is really very touching." "I'll take your wife's case." "And I'll keep it." "Because I play square." "Now look, I don't like to blow my own horn... but believe me, if Jesus Christ had lived in Chicago today... and if he had 5,OOO$ and had come to me... things would have turned out differently." "All right, this is what we're gonna do." "By the end of the week..." "I'm gonna have Roxie's name on every newspaper in town." "Sweetest little jazz killer ever to hit Chicago." "That's the angle I'm after." "You make an announcement, we're gonna have an auction!" "Tell them we gotta raise some money for her defense." "They'll buy everything she's ever touched." "Everything." "Your shoes, your dresses, your perfumes, your underwear." "And Victrola records." "Like the one I was playing when I shot the bastard." " I didn't hear that." " Not that I didn't have grounds." " Hey, what are they?" " That's for when we go to trial." "Nobody is gonna care a lick what your defense is unless they care about you." "So the first thing we gotta do is work up some sympathy from the press." "And they are not all pushovers like Mary Sunshine." "But there's one thing they can never resist." "And that is a reformed sinner." "Right." "So tell me, what was your favorite subject in school?" " I was a real dummy." " Come on." "There must be something." "I got high marks in Courtesy and Hygiene." "Perfect, you wanted to be a nun." " A nun?" " Where were you born?" "On a chicken farm outside of Lubbock." "Beautiful Southern home, filled with every luxury and refinement." " Where're your parents now?" " Probably in their rocking chairs." "They're dead." "Family fortune was swept away." "You're educated at Sacred Heart." "Then you fell into a runaway marriage." "Left you miserable, alone, unhappy." "Of course, you got all swept up in the mad whirl of the city." "Jazz, cabarets, liquor." "You were drawn like a moth to the flame." " A moth?" " And now the mad whirl had ceased... and you're a butterfly." "Crushed on a wheel!" "Which is it?" "Is it the moth or the butterfly?" " You have sinned and you're sorry!" " God, that's beautiful!" "Cut out God." "Stay where you're better acquainted." "Kid, when I'm through with you, not only will you be acquitted... every man on that jury'll wanna take you home to meet his mother." "I was born on a beautiful Southern convent." "What?" "Holy shit!" "I'll never gonna get this straight!" "Pipe down the swearing." "Look, from here on in... you say nothing rougher than "Oh, dear"." "Now try again." "I was born on..." "Come on, come on." "So I came up with some more things to do on the witness stand." "I thought I'd get all teary-eyed and ask for your handkerchief." "Then I thought I'd take a peek at the jury like this... and flash them a bit of thigh, huh?" "What do you think?" "Sounds great." " Hey, don't you wanna hear the rest?" " Tomorrow, kiddo." "You're at the top of my list." " Well, well, well." " Sorry to be late, Mr. Flynn." "Hope you aren't too bored." "I like it." "I like it." "Hey, Pollyanna, I heard your press conference is tomorrow." " Yeah, what is it to you?" " Well, you wanted my advice, right?" "Here it is, don't forget Billy Flinn's number-one client is Billy Flynn." "Meaning what?" "Meaning, don't let him hog the spotlight." "You're the one they paid to see." "Now remember, we can only sell them one idea at a time." "I can still see him coming at me with that awful look in his eyes." " And?" " And we... both reached for the gun." "That's right, you both reached for the gun." "Ready?" "Yeah." "Thank you, gentlemen, gentlemen, Miss Sunshine." "My client's just entered the plea of not guilty." "We look forward to a trial at the earliest possible date." "Any questions?" " Miss Sunshine." " As you know, my paper is dry." "Do you have any advice for girls, to avoid the life of jazz and drink?" " Absolutely, yes." "Mrs. Hart feels that... it was the tragic combination of liquor and jazz which lead to her downfall." "Next question, please." " Ladies and gentlemen..." "I'd just like to say how flattered I am that you all came to see me." " Yeah, Mrs. Hart is very..." " You see, I was a moth... crushed on the wheel." "You know, a butterfly drawn to the..." "I bet you wanna know why I shot the bastard." "Shut up, dummy." "Mr. Billy Flynn in "The Press Conference Rag."" "Notice how his mouth never moves... almost." " Where'd you come from?" " Mississippi" " And your parents?" " Very wealthy" " Where are they now?" " Six feet under" "But she was granted one more start." "The convent of The Sacred Heart" " When'd you get here?" " 1920" "How old were you?" " Don't remember" " Then what happened?" "I met Amos, and he stole my heart away" "Convinced me to elope one day" "You poor dear, I can't believe what you've been through." "A convent girl, a runaway marriage." "Now tell us, Roxie." " Who's Fred Casely?" " My ex-boyfriend" " Why'd you shoot him?" " I was leavin'" " Was he angry?" " Like a madman" "Still I said, Fred, move along She knew that she was doin' wrong" " Then describe it" " He came toward me" " With a pistol?" " From my bureau" " Did you fight him?" " Like a tiger" "He had strength and she had none" "And yet we both reached for the gun" "Yes, yes, yes, we both Yes, we both" "Yes, we both reached for the gun The gun, the gun, the gun" "Yes, we both reached for the gun For the gun" "Yes, yes, yes, they both Yes, they both" "Yes, they both reached for the gun The gun, the gun, the gun" "Yes, they both reached for the gun For the gun" "Understandable Understandable" "Yes, it's perfectly understandable" "Comprehensible Comprehensible" "Not a bit reprehensible" "It's so defensible" " How're you feeling?" " Very frightened" " Are you sorry?" " Are you kidding?" " What's your statement?" " All I'd say is:" "Though my choo-choo jumped the track I'd give my life to bring him back" " And?" " Stay away from" " What?" " Jazz and liquor" " And?" " And the men who" " What?" " Play for fun" " And what?" " That's the thought that ...came upon me" " When?" "When we both reached for the gun" "Understandable Understandable" "Yes, it's perfectly understandable" "Comprehensible Comprehensible" "Not a bit reprehensible" "It's so defensible" "Yes, yes, yes, they both" "Yes, they both Yes, they both reached for" " Let me hear it!" " The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun" "Yes, they both reached for the gun For the gun" " A little louder!" " Yes, yes, yes, they both" "Yes, they both Yes, they both" "For the gun, the gun, the gun Yes, they both reached for the gun" "Now you got it!" "Yes, yes, yes, they both Yes, they both" "Yes, they both reached for the gun The gun, the gun, the gun" "Yes, they both reached for the gun For the gun" "Yes, yes, yes, they both Yes, they both" "Yes, they both reached for the gun The gun, the gun, the gun" "The gun, the gun, the gun" "Both reached for the gun" "Move over Al Capone, the Windy City has taken a new criminal to its heart." "The name on everybody's lips is Roxie Hart." "The sweetest little lady ever accused of murder in Chicago." "Women wanna look like her." "Fellows wanna go out with her." "Some little girls even wanna take her home." "Don't get any ideas, lady." "On the other side of town, the D.A. Promises the little sharpshooter... will swing before the year is out." "Who knows?" "If he lives up to his word assistant D.A. Harrison... might become governor Harrison someday." "At the scene of the crime, everybody wants a little piece of Roxie Hart." "This jar of cold cream set her husband back 20 dollars!" "Maybe this pretty little lady would get some of that famous Roxie style." "It seems everybody these days is rooting for Roxie Hart." "Take those flowers to the orphanage, make sure they know who sent them." "So, kiddo, given any thought to what you wanna do after Billy get you off?" " Yeah, I think I'd like to go on stage." " I figured as much." " I already called the Morris office." " Really?" "How much is that gonna cost?" "A fairly deal, 1O% of all your takings." "Yeah, we'll see, Mama." "Besides, I don't even have an act yet." "Killing Fred Casely was your act." "It's all the stiffs in the audience want to say they saw somebody famous." " That's a freak act." "And besides, I am better than that." "Of course you are, cupcake." "I mean, you could be as big as Sophie Tucker." " You really think so?" " Bigger than Cantor and Jolson." "You know, I always wanted to have my name in all the papers." "Before I met Amos, I used to date this well-to-do ugly bootlegger." "He used to take me out and show me off." "Ugly guys like to do that." "Once it said in the paper, "Gangland's Al Capelli seen at Chez Vito... with cute blonde chorine." That was me." "I clipped and I saved it." "You know, all my life I wanted to have my own act." "But no, no, no, always no." "They always turned me down." "One big world full of no." "And then Amos came along." "Safe, sweet Amos." "Who never says no." "I've never done this before." "But it's such a special night and you are such a great audience!" "And I just, I really feel like I can talk to you, you know." "Forget what you've read in the papers and what you've heard on the radio!" "Because, because... because I'm gonna tell you the truth." "Not that the truth really matters." "But I'm gonna tell you anyway." "On the bed department, Amos was... zero." "I mean, when he made love to me, it was like... it was like he was fixing a carburetor or something." "I love you, honey." "I love you." "Anyway, I started fooling around." "And then I started screwing around." "Which is fooling around without dinner." "Then I met Fred Casely, who said that he could get me into vaudeville." "But that didn't quite work out like I planned." "I guess it didn't really work out too great for Fred either." "So I gave up on the whole vaudeville idea." "Because you got to figure after all those years... opportunity's just passed you by." "But it ain't No, no, no, well, it ain't" "And now?" "Well, if this Flynn guy gets me off... and with all this publicity..." "I got me a world full of yes!" "The name on everybody's lips is gonna be Roxie" "The lady raking' in the chips is gonna be Roxie" "I'm gonna be a celebrity" "That means, somebody everyone knows" "They're gonna recognize my eyes, my hair my teeth, my boobs, my nose" "From just some dumb mechanic's wife I'm gonna be Roxie" "Who says that murder's not an art?" "And who in case she doesn't hang can say she started with a bang?" "Roxie Hart" "Boys" "They're gonna wait outside in line to get to see" "Roxie" "Think of those autographs I'll sign "good luck to you"" "Roxie" "And I'll appear in a lavaliere that goes all the way down to my waist" "Here a ring, there a ring Everywhere a ring a ling" "But always in the best of taste" "I'm a star, and the audience loves me." "And I love them, and they love me for loving them." "And I love them for loving me." "And we love each other." "And that's 'cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods." "And that's show biz." "Kid." "She's giving up her humdrum life" " I'm gonna be, sing it!" " Roxie" "She made a scandal and a start" "And Sophie Tucker will shit, I know to see her name get billed below" "Roxie Hart" "Roxy" "Roxy" "I just can't take it anymore." "You can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato!" "Mama, not you too." "I got some bad news, kid." "The tour's been cancelled." " What?" " Your name's been out of the papers." "All you read about today it's that Hart kid." "She's hot." "And what am I supposed to do?" "Suck up to her like everybody else?" " It couldn't hurt." " Over my dead body." "Mind if I join you?" "Lights out, 1O minutes." "Smoke?" "Look what some Johnny sent me." "Triple-cream caramels all the way from San Francisco." "I'm watching my figure." "You know, the trial." "Hey, great mention of you in the "Trib" today, huh?" "There have been so many, I just can't keep track." "Hey, did I ever tell you, you're exactly the same size as my sister?" " You'd fit into her costumes perfectly." " Really?" "I was thinking, you know, with all the publicity piled up between us... and when Billy gets us off, we'd be a natural to do an act together." "You think so, huh?" "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Velma Kelly in "Act of Desperation."" "My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop" "My sister and I were headed straight for the top" "My sister and I earned a thou a week at least" "But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased" "I know it's sad, of course but a fact, still a fact" "And now all that remains is the remains" "Of a perfect double act" "Watch this!" "Now you have to imagine it with two people." "It's swell with two people." "First I'd..." "Then she'd..." "Then we'd..." "But I can't do it alone" "Then she'd..." "Then I'd..." "Then we'd..." "But I can't do it alone" "She'd say, "What's your sister like?"" "I'd say, "Men"" "She'd say, "You're the cat's meow"" "Then we'd wow the crowd again" "When she'd go..." "I'd go..." "We'd go..." "Then those ding-dong daddies started to roar" "Whistled, stomped and stamped on the floor" "Yelling, screaming, begging for more" "And we'd say, "Okay, fellas, keep your socks up."" "'Cause you ain't seen nothin' yet!"" "But I simply cannot do it alone" "So what do you think?" "Come on, you can say." "I know, you're right." "The first part is shit." "But the second part..." "the second part is really nifty." "Okay." "She'd go..." "I'd go..." "We'd go..." "And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brown" "To cheer the best attraction in town they nearly tore the balcony down" "And we'd say. "Okay, boys, we're goin' home... but before we go here's a few more parting' shots!"" "And this, this we did in perfect unison!" "Now, you've seen me goin' through it" "You may think there's nothin' to it" "But I simply cannot do it alone" "So where was the part where you blew her brains out?" " Okay, Roxie." "I'll level with you." " No, no, no, don't bother." "You think you're fooling me?" "You're all washed up." "And it's me they want now, and I'm a big star." "Single." "I almost forgot." "You were in the paper today too." "In the back, with the obituaries." ""Velma Kelly's trial has been postponed indefinitely."" "Seven words." "And here's a little piece of advice." "Direct from me to you." "Lay off the caramels." "And now for all you Chicago's stay-up-laters." "You night owls who only come alive after dark... we dedicate this tune:" ""Chicago After Midnight"." "This all took place on Lakeshore Drive?" "Incredible, incredible." "All right, yeah." "Yeah, thanks, Tom." "God, yeah, this..." "They just arrested this woman for a triple homicide." " Really?" " Yeah, and get this." "She's an heiress!" "Yeah, all her family's in pineapples, grapefruits, some kind of fruit." "Anyway this dame, Kitty what's-her-name, something... she's playing house on the north side... in an apartment with a guy named Harry." "What Harry does for a living no one's quite sure." "But it doesn't matter... because she's footing all the bills." "Anyhow, Kitty comes home tonight." "Harry's already in bed, which is par for the course for Harry." "She goes to change." "When she returns... she notices something rather odd... extremely odd." "Kitty disappears for a second." "Cold as a cucumber." "And she returns, she gently wakes up Harry." "Harry says, "What?" "I'm alone!"" "She said, "Alone?" "You got two other women in bed with you!"" "So get this." "Harry, he says..." ""Come on, doll." "You're gonna believe what you see or what I tell you?"" "Good night, folks." "Miss Sunshine, "The Evening Star." Would you mind saying a word or two?" "Sure, I'll say three:" "Go to hell!" "Please, direct your questions to her counsel." "You're not my counsel." "I want my money back." "It's not your money." "It's your mother's money." " Are you sorry, dear?" " Sure, I'm sorry." "Sorry I got caught." " Hey, Miss Sunshine!" " Not now, Roxie." "I got a letter from a guy." "He says he's gonna hunger strike until I'm free." "That's nice, dear." "Miss Baxter!" "Miss Baxter, did you know these two ladies personally?" "Did I know these 2 ladies personally?" "Was that your question?" "Yeah, that's my..." " She's very high-spirited, isn't she?" " Miss Baxter!" "Hey, Mr. Flynn." " Mr. Flynn." " Yeah, hi, Tracy." " It's Roxie." " Yeah, sure, I was just kidding." "Hey, did you get my trial date yet?" " Listen, kid." " I'm at the top of your list, right?" " Go to hell!" " Boy, what a hellion, huh?" "And a socialite too." "Her mother owns all the pineapples in Hawaii." " What do I care about pineapples?" " All right, all right!" "Miss Baxter will answer all your questions." "And afterwards I'll be happy to give you an interview myself." "How does it feel, kid?" "J. Edgar Hoover couldn't find your name in the papers." "Mr. Flynn?" " Someone open this door immediately!" " My god, Roxie!" "What is it, dear?" "No, no, no, no." "Don't worry about me." "I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby." "Baby?" "Shit!" "What?" "Roxie, when did this happen, darling?" " Well, doctor, is she or isn't she?" " She is." " Would you swear that in court?" " Yes." "Good." "Button your fly." "I would, I would just like to say that... my own life doesn't matter now, just that of my unborn child." "You poor dear!" "To have your baby born in jail." " My readers won't stand for that." " I can assure you that won't happen." "She'll come to trial at the earliest possible moment." "Quote me on that." "I think it's sweet." "First time we ever had one of our girls knocked up." "Roxie!" "Hey, Roxie!" "Roxie, I just heard the good news!" "I'm the father, I'm the father!" " Hey, Roxie, who's the father?" " That is completely out of line." "How dare you insult this brave young woman?" "That's enough." "Roxie!" "Roxie, honey!" "It's me, daddy!" "It's daddy!" "Roxie, I came as soon as I could." "If someone stood up in a crowd and raised his voice up way out loud" "And waved his arm and shook his leg you'd notice him" "If someone in the movie show yelled, "Fire in the second row" "This whole place is a powder keg!"" "You'd notice him" "And even without clucking like a hen everyone gets noticed now and then" "Unless, of course, that personage should be invisible inconsequential me" "Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane" "Should've been my name Mr. Cellophane" "'Cause you can look right through me walk right by me and never know I'm there" "I tell you Cellophane" "Mr. Cellophane" "Should've been my name Mr. Cellophane" "'Cause you can look right through me walk right by me and never know I'm there" "I didn't see you." "Sit down, sit down." "Look, Andy, I'm afraid I gotta hit you hard." " I only hope you'll be big about it." " Amos, my name is Amos." "Who said it wasn't?" "It was the kid, the kid's name I was thinking about." "You know when she's due?" "September." "But pass out those cigars anyway." " Don't give a damn when people..." " People what?" " Laugh." " Laugh?" "Why would they laugh?" "'Cause they can count." "Can you count?" "September." "Here's a copy of Roxie's first statement, from the D.A. 's office." "It says she hadn't copulated with you for four months prior to the incident." "Well, she would know." "Yeah, I guess we hadn't done no copulating since..." "Wait a minute." "That don't figure out right." "I couldn't be the father." "Well, forget about that now." "My client needs your support." "You mean, she needs a meal ticket." "That's all I've ever been." " But this time she's gone too far." " What are you gonna do?" " Divorce her?" " You're damn right!" "I'll divorce her!" "She probably won't even notice." "Yeah." "Yeah, put him through." "A human being's made of more than air" "With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there" "Unless that human bein' next to you is unimpressive undistinguished You know who" " You're still here, Andy?" " Yeah, I'm still here." "I think." "Should've been my name Mr. Cellophane" "'Cause you can look right through me walk right by me and never know I'm there" "I tell ya Cellophane" "Mr. Cellophane" "Should've been my name Mr. Cellophane" "'Cause you can look right through me walk right by me and never know I'm there" "Never even know" "I'm there" "I hope I didn't take up too much of your time." "I've been waiting here for 1O minutes." "Don't do that again." "This dress makes me look like a Woolworth's lamp shade." " I'm not wearing this." " You're wearing it, I tell you to." " I'm not wearing this dress." " And when Andy's on the stand I want you to be knitting." " Knitting?" "For Christ's sake." " A baby garment." " I don't know how to knit!" " Then learn." " I won't win a jury's sympathy." " You don't need advice anymore?" " Look it here, Mr. Mouthpiece." "It seems to me that I am the one... who's coming up with the good ideas." "I'm sick of everybody telling me what to do." "And you treat me like dirt." "You know that?" "You treat me like I'm some dumb, common criminal." "But you are some dumb, common criminal." "Well, it's better than being a greasy Mick lawyer." " Who happens to be saving your ass!" " Who's up for all he can steal!" " Maybe you'd like to appear alone." " Maybe I could." "Have you read the morning papers?" "They love me!" "Wise up!" "They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged." "You know why?" " 'Cause it'd sell more papers." " You're fired!" "I quit." "Any lawyer in this town would die to have my case!" "You're a phony celebrity." "Flash-in-the-pan." "In a couple of weeks, no one's gonna give a shit about you." "That's Chicago." "No, no!" "Not guilty!" "What happened?" "It's the Hunyak." "She lost her last appeal." "So what's that mean?" "Well, that means that next week she's gonna..." "This is Mary Sunshine, coming to you from the Cook County Jail... where history will be made today." "Katalin Halenscki will become the first woman in the state of Illinois... to be executed." "And so, ladies and gentlemen..." "And now, ladies and gentlemen... for your pleasure and your entertainment... we proudly present Katalin Halenscki... and her famous Hungarian disappearing act." "You know, it's really not that bad." "You're clear about everything we agreed on?" "Yep." "I've been up all night rehearsing." "What do you do when Harrison starts coming after you?" "I sit still and look straight ahead." "Never at the jury." " And?" " And I look modest." " And?" " And..." " And say nothing." " That's right!" " That was the deal, right?" " Right!" "You ask me back, I do all the talking this time." "Absolutely, Billy." "Whatever you say." " Mr. Flynn, His Honor is here." " Thank you." "You ready?" "Yeah." "Billy..." "I'm scared." "Don't be." "I've been around a long time." "Believe me, you've got nothing to worry about." "It's all a circus." "A three-ring circus." "This whole..." "These trials, the whole world, it's... it's all show business." "But, kid, you're working with a star." "Give 'em the old razzle dazzle" "Razzle dazzle 'em" "Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate" "Give 'em the old hocus pocus" "Bead and feather'em" "How can they see with sequins in their eyes?" "What if your hinges all are rusting?" "What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?" "Razzle dazzle 'em, and they'll never catch wise" "Give 'em the old razzle dazzle" "Razzle dazzle 'em" "Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous" "Row after row will grow vociferous" "Give 'em the old film flam flummox" "Fool and fracture 'em" "How can they hear the truth above the roar?" "Roar, roar, roar" "Throw 'em a fake and a finagle" "They'll never know you're just a bagel" "Razzle dazzle 'em, and they'll beg you for more" " I object!" " Sustained." "Your Honor, I haven't even asked the question yet." "Give 'em the old double whammy daze and dizzy'em" "Back since the days of old Methuselah everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler" "Give 'em the old three-ring circus" "Stun and stagger'em" "When you're in trouble go into your dance" "Though you are stifferthan a girder they'll let you get away with murder" "Razzle dazzle 'em, and you've got a romance" "Hello, Amos." "Amos?" "That's right, Mr. Flynn." "Amos." "Amos, when did you file suit for divorce?" " A month ago." " Was there any reason for filing it?" "I'll say." "The newspapers said Roxie was expecting a little stranger." "Well, that's hardly grounds for divorce, isn't it?" "A little too much of a stranger." "By that you mean you doubted the paternity of the child." " Sure." " Tell me something, Amos." " Did you share a bed with your wife?" " Yes, sir, every night." "You expect this jury to believe that you slept next to this woman... every night without exercising your rights as a husband?" " Well, I could if I wanted to." " But you didn't." " No, I did." " Did what?" " Wanted to." " But you didn't." " Didn't what?" " What you wanted." "Wait a minute, I'm getting confused here." "Hey, tell me, Hart, you tell me." "Did you ever questioned Roxie herself?" "Did you even bother to ask her if you were the father of her child?" " No, sir." " No, no." "But... if you became convinced that you were wrong, you'd be man to admit it... wouldn't you?" "You'd even be willing to take her back... if Roxie swore that you were the father of her child, which she does." "She does?" "She does!" "She does!" "No more questions!" "You can step down now." "Well done, Andy." "Roxie, I'm so sorry." "Give 'em the old razzle dazzle" "Razzle dazzle 'em" "Show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are" "Long as you keep'em way off balance how can they spot you got no talents?" " Razzle dazzle 'em" " Razzle dazzle 'em" "Razzle dazzle 'em" "This is the moment we've been waiting for." "Roxie Hart finally takes the stand in her own defense." "And I'll make you a star" "Order!" "Order!" "Order!" "Proceed, Mr. Flynn." "I have here a statement in which you admitted having illicit relations... with deceased Fred Casely." "Is this statement true or false?" " I'm afraid that's true." " You're an honest girl, Roxie." " When did you first meet Fred Casely?" " He sold Amos and me our furniture." "Your personal relationship with him, you tell the jury when that began." "When I permitted him to escort me home one night." "I wouldn't have gone if Mr. Hart and me hadn't quarreled that very morning." " Quarreled?" " Yes, sir." "Well, I suppose it was his fault." "No, sir." "It was my fault." "I suppose I just couldn't stop pestering him." "Pestering him?" "About what?" "I didn't like him working those long hours at the garage." "I wanted him home with me to darn his socks and iron his shirts." "I wanted a real home and a child." "So you drifted into this illicit relationship because you're unhappy." "Yes, I was, I was most unhappy." "Roxie Hart, the state has accused you of the murder of Fred Casely." " Are you guilty or not guilty?" " I'm not guilty." "I'm not guilty." "I killed him, I did." "But I'm not a criminal." "I'm not a criminal." " I'm not a criminal." " Here." "Roxie... do you recall the night of January 14th?" "Could you tell the jury in your own words the happenings of that night?" "Well, when Fred came over, I told him my good news." "What was that?" "Me and Amos were gonna have a baby!" "And that it was all over between us." " What happened then?" " Well, then... then..." "Did he threaten you, Roxie?" "Objection, Your Honor." "Counsel is leading the witness." "Sustained." "What did Casely say when you told him the news?" ""I'll kill you before I see you have another man's child!"" "Could you tell the audience, the jury, what happened next?" "Well, in his passion, he tore off my robe... and he threw me on the bed." "Mr. Hart's pistol was Iying there between us." " And then?" " We reached for the gun, but I got it." "And then he came toward me with this, this funny look in his eyes!" " He was angry and wild!" " Wild!" " Wild!" " Did you think he meant to kill you?" " Yes, sir!" "Yes, sir!" " So was his life or yours?" "And not just mine." "I closed my eyes and I shot!" "In defense of your life!" "To save my husband's innocent unborn child!" "Order!" "What a bull's eye, huh?" " Order in this court!" " Roxie!" "There's a pandemonium here in the courtroom." "Mrs. Hart's behavior throughout this ordeal has been truly extraordinary." "Yeah, I bet it has." "Opening her eyes, she fans herself with her attorney's handkerchief." " Handkerchief?" " The poor child has had no relief." "She looks around now, bewildered, seeming to want something." " It's a glass of water." " That was my bit!" "I told Billy I was gonna do that on my trial!" " Now her eyes flutter wildly, she..." " Mrs. Hart has fainted again." " Jeez." "She slumps over, her chiffon dress up around her knees... revealing a glimpse of a blue garter with a rhinestone buckle." "Mama, she stole my garter." "She stole my garter!" " Don't break my radio!" " God!" "First the slob steals my publicity, then she steals my lawyer... my trial date, now she stole my goddamn garter!" "What do you expect?" "I mean, these days you get a little success... and it's good riddance to the people who put you there." "There ain't no justice in the world." "There ain't nothing you can do." "Nertz to that." "You think I got you up here just so you can listen to my radio?" "People write pretty interesting things when they think no one's looking." "Mama." "The state calls a rebuttal witness." "Left hand on the bible, raise your right hand." "You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" " And then some." " Have a seat." " State your name for the record." " Velma Kelly." "Miss Kelly, will you please tell the court if the object I'm holding... is the one you happened to come upon in the defendant's jail cell?" " Yes, it is." " I submit this as Exhibit X." " Roxie Hart's diary." " I object!" "My client has never kept a diary." "And even if she did... this would be invasion of privacy and violation of the fourth amendment illegal search without a warrant." " Yeah, and she broke the lock!" "Order, order!" "Well, that settles that." " I'll allow it." " What's the big deal?" "It's just a bunch of doodlings." "If you would read for us, please, Miss Kelly." "I haven't worked in a while." ""What a laugh plugging Fred Casely." "The big baboon had it coming." "I'm just sorry..." "I only got to kill him once."" "I never wrote that." "You..." "Hey, she made that." "She made that up!" " She made that up!" " Order!" "Please, Mr. Flynn, get control of your client." "I'm sorry, Your Honor." "It won't happen again." "Sit down and shut up." "It's only making it worse." "I have no more questions." "Your witness, Mr. Flynn." "Ladies and gentlemen, a tap dance." "Tell me, Miss Kelly, did you make a deal with Mr. Harrison... maybe to drop all charges against you in exchange for testifying here today?" "Sure." "I'm not a complete idiot." "Good, good." "Since you gave such an impressive performance for Mr. Harrison maybe you'd do me the same honor." " I'd be delighted." "Thank you." " Here." " Here?" ""Fred Casely assured me he'd get me an audition down at the Onyx." "And then he reneged on his pledge." "It was my motive for attacking him."" "That's a pretty fancy way of saying, "He was a big fat liar... who welshed on a deal so I shot him."" ""Amos accused me of having an affair." "So I told him that the charge was erroneous."" "Objection, Your Honor." "Mr. Flynn... is twisting this evidence to draw conclusions which are specious and..." " Erroneous?" " Exactly." "Order!" "Order!" "Miss Kelly, do you know the meaning of the word perjury?" " Yes, I do." " You also know that it's a crime?" "And, for example, if it turns out that you knew that this diary was a fake..." "I'd hate to think of you rotting away in prison for the next 1O years... especially since you've just won your freedom." "Look, all I know is what I was told." "So, all right." "You didn't find this diary in Roxie's cell?" "No." "Mama..." "Miss Morton gave it to me." "She said someone had sent it to her." "Someone?" "Any idea who this mysterious benefactor might be?" " No." "She didn't know." " Let's see if we can work this out." "Someone who writes about... reneging on pledges and, and, and... erroneous charges..." "Call me crazy, doesn't that sound like a lawyer to you?" "A lawyer!" "A lawyer who obviously had a sample of my client's handwriting." "Mr. Harrison, didn't you ask Roxie to write out a confession for you?" "Yes, but you're not suggesting that I'd tamper with evidence, are you?" "No, no, no, I wouldn't..." "Don't be ridiculous." "No, that's thoroughly and utterly absurd!" " But now that you mentioned it..." " Your Honor, this is outrageous." "It's outrageous, outrageous, even to suggest the prosecutor would make... a thieves' bargain with the notorious Velma Kelly... and then fabricate the very evidence that set her free!" "Your Honor, Velma Kelly's not on trial here." "One step closer to the Governor's mansion!" "Why, it's simply beyond all imagining!" " I'll hold you in contempt!" " No, it's not even conceivable!" "But, but if it were wouldn't it be time to say..." ""Come clean, Mr. Harrison, come clean even in Chicago!" "This kind of corruption, I cannot stand, will not stand!"" " That's enough, Mr. Flynn!" " I agree, Your Honor!" "It is enough!" "The defense rests." "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mary Sunshine reporting live... from the Cook County Courthouse." "The city of Chicago has come to a complete standstill... as the trial of the century finally draws to a close." "Mrs. Hart sits quietly at the defense table, hands folded... wondering what fate has in store for her." "And now a hush falls over the courtroom... as the 12 men of the jury file slowly back to their seats." "Gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?" "We have, Your Honor." "The jury has reached a verdict." "Will the defendant, please, rise?" "What is your verdict?" "We, the jury, find the defendant..." "Roxie Hart is innocent!" "She's innocent!" "Get your paper!" "Roxie Hart is free, she's free!" "Roxie..." "Come on!" "Move it!" "First she shoots her husband and then the lawyer!" "Hey!" "Hey, don't you wanna take my picture?" "Hey, hey, I'm the famous Roxie Hart." "Hey, what happened?" "What the hell happened?" "This is Chicago, kid." "You can't beat fresh blood on the walls." "But my publicity, Billy, my name in the papers?" " I was counting on that!" " Your gratitude is overwhelming, kid." " I just saved your life." " You got 5,OOO$." "What do I get?" " I get nothing." " Five?" "Ten once I collect from Velma." " I get nothing?" " Don't forget your blessed diary." "I hope you don't mind." "I added a few erroneous phrases in there." "Sorry, I couldn't tell you." "Couldn't take a chance." "Never lost a case." "You're a free woman, Roxie Hart." "And God save Illinois." "Roxie." "What do you want?" "I want you to come home." "You said you still wanted to." "And the baby..." "Baby, what baby?" "Jesus." "What do you take me for?" "There ain't no baby." "There ain't no baby?" "They didn't even want my picture." "I just, I can't understand that." "Why didn't they even want my picture?" "It's good Isn't it grand?" "Isn't it great?" "Isn't it swell?" "Isn't it fun?" "Isn't it?" "Nowadays" "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Roxie Hart says goodnight." "There's men Everywhere jazz" "Everywhere booze Everywhere life" "Everywhere joy" "Everywhere nowadays" "You can like the life you're living" "You can live the life you like" "You can even marry Harry" "But mess around with Ike" "And that's good Isn't it grand?" "Isn't it great?" "Isn't it swell?" "Isn't it fun?" "Isn't it?" "But nothing stays" "You can like the life you're living" "You can live the life you like" "Didn't she kill a guy a while back?" "Who can keep' 'em straight anymore?" "But mess around with Ike" "And that's good Isn't it grand?" "Isn't it great?" "Isn't it swell?" "That's great." "We'll be in touch." "You know, I'm not quite finished yet." "I have..." "I have..." "Wait, wait, wait, don't go." "I could, just a second, I'm not..." "Goddamn it!" "Thank you!" "Here's your music, honey." "Thanks." "You know, you're really pretty good." "Yeah, that and a dime." "What are you doing here?" "I heard you been making the rounds." "Yeah." "Well, if it was up to you I'd be swinging by now." "I always knew Billy'd get you off." "You should put things behind you." "Thank you." "I'll put that at the top of my list... right after finding a job and an apartment with a john." "Just shut up and listen to me!" "You really are something!" "Coming in here like... like some goddamn Queen Bee all full of advice for a poor slob like me." "Let me tell you something, Miss Velma Kelly." "I got a new life now." "And one of the best things about it is it don't include you." "Fine." "I just thought we could help each other out." " You thought wrong, didn't you?" " No, look, listen to me." "Look, I talked to this guy downtown." "He said one jazz killer's nothing these days, but two..." "We can make a couple hundred a week." "Think about it, Roxie." "Our faces back in the papers, our names on the marquee." "Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart." " Shouldn't it be alphabetical?" " That could work." "A couple hundred?" "Maybe we could ask for a thousand." "We're worth it." "Forget it, it'll never work." " Why not?" " 'Cause I hate you." "There's only one business in the world where that's no problem at all." "Ladies and gentlemen, the Chicago theatre's proud to announce the first." "The first time anywhere there's been an act of this nature." "Not only one little lady, but two." "You've read about them in the papers, and now here they are." "Chicago's own killer dillers, those scintillating sinners..." "Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly!" "You can like the life you're living" "You can live the life you like" "You can even marry Harry" "But mess around with Ike" "And that's good Isn't it grand?" "Isn't it great?" "Isn't it swell?" "Isn't it fun?" "Isn't it?" "But nothing stays" "In fifty years or so it's gonna change, you know" "But it's heaven nowadays" "Okay, you babes of jazz, let's pick up the pace." "Let's make the parties longer, lett'smake the skirts shorter." "Let's all go to hell in a fast car and keep it hot!" "Me and Roxie would just like to say thank you!" "Thank you!" "Believe us, we could not have done anything without you!" "And all that jazz" "That jazz" "5, 6, 7, 8!"