"Previously on "Chasing Life... "" "It's about your health." " What are you talking about?" " You have cancer." "You're like the first person I've ever dated that..." "I can actually see a future with." "I've got three or four months to live, if I'm lucky." "I have a lot of stuff to figure out right now." "And I think it's probably better if I do it on my own." "Please have the surgery." "I made this decision long before you." "Honestly, I don't need you in my life, if you're on a mission to make me rethink that." "I was with Natalie." "My sister, who you never told me about." " April told me." " April knows, too?" "Do remember when we were talking about what happened the other night and we said that it was nothing?" "I'd be lying if I kept saying that." "I could never forget about what happened that night." "But trust me, I am the wrong horse for you to bet on." "But that other guy..." "That's the one who actually might win it for you." "You got a lot of really great people taking care of you." "But right now, I need to take care of myself." "What are Leo's parents doing here?" "April, there's a voicemail on your phone." " It's from Leo." " Oh, my God." "April, it's Leo." "I have something important to tell you." "Wouldn't it be funny if the voicemail ran out of time before I got to the point?" "Sorry, okay, um..." "So lately, you've got me thinking a lot about death." "Or maybe more about life, I'm not sure." "Anyway, I've made a pretty big decision." "What?" "What happened?" "Leo's getting the surgery." "To remove the brain tumor." "I guess he's about to go in." "I can't believe it." "Wow." "I mean..." "I don't really understand why he was so against it in the first place." "I mean, I guess there's like, a..." "A 50% chance that something could go wrong with the surgery, so..." "Meaning what, exactly?" "Well, I mean, like..." "Brain damage, and..." "You know..." "Death." "Oh." "Well, at least he's trying." "Clearly you've made an impression on him." "Not that you should blame yourself if anything goes wrong." "Almond milk, unprocessed bran." "I wish you'd let your mother-in-law buy her own groceries when she visits." "That's not how hospitality works, mom." "You're talking to me about hospitality?" "I'm letting the woman stay in our home." "Even though she always starts a grandma competition over who's closer to the girls, when I obviously am." "I really think Lynn's gonna be on her best behavior." "She won't want to add to any drama." "She can't help it." "Do you remember last Christmas?" "She turned this whole house upside down." "She really thought we had bedbugs." "And we didn't." "And you know what else we didn't have?" "Christmas dinner." "Let's just not add any fuel to the fire, okay?" "Like, let's not mention Thomas' affair while they're here." "It would just break Artie's heart." "You know he always put Thomas on a pedestal." "Thomas is the only one Artie never bullied." "Yeah, he's always embarrassing me." "Asking me if I have a boyfriend in front of people." "He should've come a few weeks ago, then you could've told him you had a boyfriend and a girlfriend." "Yeah, well, soon it will just be a girlfriend." "Oh." "Did Greer's parents have a change of heart about you two dating?" "No, but they're sending her off to this summer program in Oxford to keep us apart." "I'm just..." "Hoping that they'll forget about it by the time she gets back." "Party's over." " Hey!" " Hi, you made it!" "Hello, precious." "Now, uh..." "I hope that you will give us a little alone time with April." "You've probably already visited her." "Of course." "There's plenty for me to do around the house anyway." "Like, fumigate it..." "Again." " Oh, darling!" " Hi!" "Look at her!" "Bet you're driving all the boys crazy." " Eh..." " And here's a little something to make your boyfriend jealous." " Wow." " Yeah." "Who wants bran?" "It's too hard to read this." "I wanna be writing it." "Even six days away from work already feels like..." "I don't know, like..." "Lost a part of me." "Every day I'm here I lose something else." "Yeah, I know, but you get it all back." "Except Dominic." "Pretty sure he's gone for good." "Maybe, Leo, too." "Hey, you know what?" "I think that you should tell the nurses that you're in a lot of pain today." "Get a morphine drip." "Oh, yeah." "Maybe not the day that my grandparents are coming to visit." "I used to go to Seattle every summer." "And then..." "I just keep blowing off the trips for work." "I'm a bad granddaughter." "No, you're not." "All right?" "You know what, if it makes you feel any better," "I am also losing things." "Like my mind." "I have officially blown through all of my savings since I quit my job, so now..." "I really can't afford to live alone, and that means I'm looking for a job, a roommate, and an apartment." "Do you want me to look for you?" "Uh, yeah, no." "There's no way" "I'm letting my cancer-stricken best friend do anything for me right now." "No, really, please." "I need..." "I need a project." "Let's go online, come on." "We can judge people." " Mom." " Hey." " What are you doing here?" " I thought you were coming later with gran and grandpa?" "Well..." "I just wanted to talk to you about something before you see them." "Beth, I'm sorry, do you mind giving us a minute?" "Yeah, sure." "I'm just gonna..." "Head over to the vending machine and..." "Get my groceries for the week." "Can we... talk about Natalie?" "Um..." "Yeah, sure." "It's really convenient timing, bringing this up when I'm all weak... six days into chemo." "What?" "You think I didn't plan that?" "How long did you know?" "I found out while I was going over your dad's will." "Is that when Uncle George found out too?" "No, George knew much longer." "We had a big fight about it right before your dad's funeral." "I'm the one who told him... not to come." "And I feel terrible that I let you girls think the worst about him." "Oh, mom." "It's okay, you were just... trying to protect us." "I get it." "Do granny and grandpa know?" "No." "And I don't think it's our place to tell them." "I won't say anything." "It's funny, I..." "Keep feeling like it's December because I only ever see them at Christmas." "Then..." "I remember that I'm stuck in a hospital on a random day in May." "Merry Christmas to me." " Hey!" " Hey." "Brought you some of my old standby breakup food." "Bacon-jalapeño chocolate." "My buddy Isaiah in west Cambridge makes it in his attic." "Is there anything else in here that I need to know about?" "Nah." "I mean, if you ever need to like..." "Relax your muscles after an injury, or..." "Want to sleep on a plane or something, it won't..." "Not help." "You wanna go grab some lunch?" "I feel like I need to get out of the house." "Uh, actually..." "Beth's waiting for me downstairs." "We got plans." "She didn't want to come up, huh?" "I'm sure you get it, you know?" "You just broke up with her friend last night..." "In the hospital." "God, I hate how that makes me sound." "You know everyone's gonna think that I'm like, evil, because this happened while April's in the hospital." "But I'm the one that got screwed over here." "Look, even if they talk about it, they're gonna forget about it, okay?" "It might just take a little time." "Well, four months is a little time." "Oh, so you're going back to Europe?" "I was just calling to book a flight when you walked in." "Oh." "Oh, my..." "I thought that..." "It turns out, they don't let you just..." "Rush into brain surgery because it's..." "Well, it's brain surgery." "I've been doing tests all morning." "Just had an MRI." "My surgery's not for a few more days." "Talk about blue brains, huh?" "I keep... thinking that I'm never going to see you again." "And then I see you..." "Again." "When I got your message this morning, I thought that..." "I'm just happy that you're here now." "And that you're doing this." "You love to get your way." "How 'bout you?" "You seem less freaked out than you were yesterday." "Hmm, yeah, that's not saying much." "Was your family worried when you got back?" "Did you tell "Dimples" what happened?" "I'm sorry, I know you don't like when I call him that." "No, it's not that." "We..." "We broke up." "Again." "Or he broke up with me." "Oh." "Anyway." "I'm getting kind of tired." "Oh, okay." "Well, I'll leave you alone." "I'll uh..." "See you when I check in, cancer friend." "Should we come back later?" "No, honey, we've only been here five minutes." "And she's slept through every one of them." "Listen, I'm going to the vending machines." "They have rolos." "Wait, don't go." "Oh, she's awake." "I made you some chicken salad." "Oh, I'm sorry." "She's actually not allowed to have any outside food." "We have her on a strict diet." "Oh, can't she have a little chicken salad?" "It's low fat?" "Granny, they're paranoid about bacteria until my blood counts go up." "Well, there's no bacteria in my chicken salad." "But, okay." "And I knitted you a hat." "Is that allowed?" "Yeah, totally." "Not that it matters, you probably think it's ugly, but..." "No, I love it." "It's... wow." "I can't wait to see you in it." "Yeah, here it comes." "Oh boy." "Uh, listen, now that you've got your loser hat on, you up for a game of chess?" "I don't know, um..." "I might get dizzy." "There are always excuses." "Nobody plays chess anymore." " Now that you don't come to visit us." " Okay, let's play." "Well, here..." "I'll help you with that pillow." "I got it." "I got it." "I'm gonna roast you and toast you." "Okay now." "And here we go." "You can have white." "Are you feeling sick?" " Is it the chemo?" " No, it's granny's perfume, it's like all over you." "You should smell the house." "And now she's trying to get me to wear it, like, on purpose." "She says it'll drive all the boys crazy." "Uh, boys?" "Yeah." "I haven't gotten around to telling them yet." "It's just so awkward, like..." "If I tell them that I like girls, they're gonna picture me having sex with them." "You can always test the waters by telling them I'm the gay one?" "I am about to have some really short hair." "As a sometimes lesbian I find that stereotype very offensive." "So, um..." "My hair started falling out." "I know that's like..." "The least of my problems right now, but..." "God, I'm so sorry." "That must..." "No, I'm sorry, I'm just..." " Having a moment." " Don't apologize." "I have meltdowns in front of you all the time." "But, you're the little sister." "So?" "Hey Brenna, did you eat breakfast?" "Hey, why is all the Christmas stuff out?" "Okay, good, everyone's here." "So, I had an idea." "I stayed over with April last night, and..." "She told me that she started to lose her hair." "She did already?" "Oh, that means the chemo's working." "She's gonna beat this." "I know, yeah, but she seemed really sad about it." "So I was trying to think of ways that we could cheer her up, and..." "I thought that maybe she'd like it if we decorated her room with all of this." "What a great idea!" "She would love that." "April was always obsessed with Christmas" "I remember when she was nine, she dressed up Brenna as..." "A reindeer!" " I remember." " Actually, it was the baby Jesus." "Oh, you said she was nine?" "I thought you said eight." "That was the reindeer year." "Uh, I don't think Brenna was even born then... but I could be wrong." "Yeah, I think you are." "I can't find that other big bag of Christmas stuff?" "You know, the red one?" "Oh, well, remember..." "We had to get rid of that bag last year." "Bed bugs lay their eggs in soft, dark places." "Hypothetically." " Good morning, hey ma." " There he is!" "Hello." "Hey dad." "I'm surprised you can see him." "He's so pale, he's almost transparent." "Uh... it's good to see you too, dad." "I'm just saying you don't get out much." "Not that you ever did." "Oh, you know, I'm uh..." "I'm very busy." "I'm a doctor, too." "I made a social life for myself, a couple of kids..." "You just gotta meet the right girl." "Well, and then the right girl has to like me back." "Have you tried looking online, dear?" "My friend, Valerie, her son, who is a..." "Oh, I don't know how you call it now, uh, polyamorous?" "He found a lovely couple online, and they're all, apparently, very happy." "Well, great." "Well, thanks, that's very encouraging, mom." "Oh!" "Okay." " Ah." " Be careful." "You don't want to add infertility to your other problems." "Sorry, we don't have Christmas decorations this time of year." "How is that possible?" "Your store is called "the Christmas tree store."" "Yeah, they just thought it would be a cute name for the store." "So, you hardly ever sell Christmas decorations and you never sell Christmas trees, even at Christmas." "Have you ever been sued?" "Oh, come on." "Let's go find Artie before something bad happens to him." "I cannot believe that we sent him to get a plastic tree from a complete stranger on eBay." "We should've sent you." "No, we're not giving up on this, okay?" "How about we just... get a bunch of different holiday decorations." "That will at least make April laugh." "Yeah, we just got our fourth of July stuff in." "Eh?" "Sorry, independence is kind of a sensitive subject for the person that we're throwing the party for." "Why?" "Did she used to be in jail or something?" "No, it's..." "Long story." "Well, my shift's another seven hours, if you feel like telling it." "We can finish the shopping if you want to stay and talk." "I don't think she does." "Well, how do you know?" "Maybe she wants to keep her options open?" "Oh, Brenna!" "Why don't we buy some of these?" "I don't know what holiday they're for, but they're just so colorful." "Last day of chemo." "I'd cheer if I had any energy." "Well, I hate to add insult to injury, or illness as it were, but your numbers are getting a little low." "Which is normal after a round of chemo." "But if they get any lower, all of your visitors are gonna have to wear these." "Oh, that's really going to bring out my eyes." "Don't be jealous, April." "You'll have to wear one whenever you have to leave the room." "Also, we're going to keep you hooked up to your IV for the next... 24 to 48 hours." "Just to make sure you're getting enough fluids." "I know, it's annoying, but..." "It's for your own protection." "Hair appointment for April Carver." "Dr. Hamburg said it might be less traumatic to just... take it all off at once." "I'm gonna give you some space." "But if you need me, I'm here." "You want the eyebrows off too?" "What?" "!" "No." "Hey, uh..." "Could we just have a minute?" "You know, before you "GI Jane" my friend here?" "Thanks." "What if I just did this for you?" "Do you even know how to cut hair?" "Does it even matter?" "Fine, whatever." "Just do it however you want." "Okay." "However I want, you say?" "So, do you like it?" "You know I thought it'd be more fun if we just, you know, take baby steps." "And this way we can try a few more looks before we go all out." " I want to see it again." " Ah." "Knock knock!" "Did I just barge in on a private moment?" "That is the thing about working in a hospital, it's like, never a good time." "I'm just gonna leave these here and go, okay?" "Here we go, okay." "Oh..." "Did I hurt you?" "Are you hurt?" "Okay, I am gonna go before I kill you." " I'm so sorry." " No, it's okay." "I'm fine." "I'm so sorry, I'm just..." "New." "Trying to figure out the rules." "But, I've already started dating one of the residents, Dr. Weaver." " Ooh, good choice." " Oh, yeah." "I know right?" "And it's kind of awkward timing though, because my roommate's moving in with her fiance and now I have this huge two-bedroom in bay village all to myself." "And if we had started dating a couple months ago, like..." "Maybe he'd be ready to move in by now, but..." "Anyway." "I guess I just need to find a roommate." "Oh, wow." "I'm getting run down from all this hosting." "Could be my mother's perfume." "She's not exactly known for her subtlety." "I tell you, she and my dad were really made for each other." "Sorry it's been so awkward, all this..." "Questions about your love life." "I'm used to it." "It'd be nice just to be able to give them a real answer." "Of course, that would mean I'd need to have one myself." "It's just... it's not that simple." "You know I feel what you do." "Okay, that's good." "So?" "So..." "Can we wait to have this discussion after the guests all leave and things calm down." "I just, I can't go there right now." "Sure, sure, yeah." "We should get out from under this thing though, huh?" "Yeah, Brenna put that up." "That's just a joke." "She doesn't know anything." "Oh..." "I'm really starting to be worried about this." "No, no." "George, I'm not avoiding having the conversation..." "No, no, no, I'm worried, because there's a cold going around." "Well, okay, I'll..." "Pick up some cold medicine on the way to the hospital." "Sara, no." "I'm saying that if you're getting sick, you can't visit April." "At all." "Congratulations." "Your first round of chemo is over." "In a few weeks we'll do a bone marrow biopsy just to make sure this one worked." "And if it did..." "We'll wait for your counts to recover before we start your next round of treatment." "I'm so sorry that your mom is sick." "I know she really wanted to be here for you, today." "How long until she can come back?" "Probably a week, just to be safe." "Come on, come on." "Well..." "That's a sexy haircut." "Yeah, I feel really sexy right now." "Gran and grandpa, this is Dr. Hamburg." "Hi, it's so nice to meet you." "Oh, Dr. Hamburg!" "Yes, how do you do, Doctor?" "Let me know if you need anything else." "How you feel, Ape?" "Huh?" "Like a fighter?" "'Cause that's what you are." "You're gonna fight this thing till you beat it." "Right?" "Before you know it, you'll forget that this ever happened." "I rarely think about my eczema anymore." "Well, you sure talk a lot about it." "Oh." "Ah..." "We bored her to sleep." "You bored her to sleep." "All right." "We'll be back tomorrow." "Hey!" "Nice hair." "Is that... that's not a wig, is it?" "No, I, um..." "Thought I would just try and do this in stages." "Anyway, I just wanted to..." "Welcome you to the neighborhood." "Oh, thanks." "Yeah, I was gonna..." "I was gonna stop by your room when I checked in, but um..." "I didn't know if you'd want me to do that." "Why wouldn't I?" "I don't know..." "Just after everything that happened with your dude." "I guess I felt like I had something to do with it." "Yeah, but..." "You weren't the only reason." "We weren't really..." "Connecting, and a lot of that was my fault." "I kept a lot of stuff from him." "Yeah." "It's hard to connect to people who aren't going through this too." "How are you?" "Big day tomorrow, huh?" "Oh yeah, what is it?" "Uh... flag day?" "That's how you deal with this?" "Just pretend it isn't happening?" "Oh, no, they make sure I know it's happening." "These are all the forms I have to fill out before they put me under." "Do not resuscitate, physician's orders for life sustaining treatment, who gets to make decisions for me if I become a vegetable, my will." "Are you scared?" "Of what?" "Come on." "Dying." "Sure." "I never used to be afraid of it." "In the abstract, but..." "Now that I know it could actually happen." "Tomorrow." "Yeah." "That's..." "It's not to get all dark, but..." "No, no, get dark." "I like dark." "Well, you were kind of like the Robin Hood for cancer patients." "Using your dad's money to help them live out their last wishes." "You ever think about what might be on your bucket list?" "Eww, you said "bucket list."" "Okay, fine." "Keep making fun of me and die with regrets." "See if I care." "Okay, that was dark." "Sorry." "No, you're right." "Yeah, I'll think about it." "I like the blonde on you." "Thanks." "Since I'm spending all my time with this pole," "I figured, go stripper chic." "I really thought I would feel stronger after the chemo stopped." "Yeah, well, you know, can't predict these things." "You feel like crap, some days." "Grandpa would say that that's" ""letting the cancer win."" "Eh, screw grandpa." "I mean..." "I love him, he's my dad." "But, uh..." "I know how he can be." "He kind of made me feel like a failure when I didn't like, spring out of bed this morning." "Well, he's the last thing you need to worry about." "I feel bad, you know, complaining about them when I only see them once a year." "April, come on, that's okay." "You're an adult now." "It's okay to let some relationships be more superficial." "Sorry you're sick, mom." "If it makes you feel any better, I'm sicker." "That doesn't make me feel any better." "But I'm glad to get to see your little face." "And your hair!" "Very Marilyn!" "How'd you do..." "Hi, honey!" "How're you feeling?" "Um, yeah, I'm okay." "Oh, that doesn't sound like my little samurai warrior?" "Where's that fighting spirit?" "Dad, why don't you just let April feel however she's feeling." "Spoken like a man who's never been in the army." "Well, enough about me." "What's going on with you guys?" "Any new gossip?" "We think Brenna has a boyfriend." "Oh, yeah... you guys, seriously, please stop." "Look at her, she's blushing!" "All right, let's leave Brenna alone." "What?" "Leave her alone?" "Says the woman who gets to see you girls 52 weeks out of the year." "And Artie and I only get one." "Granny, it's okay, she didn't mean that." "I guess that's what we get for trying to catch up with our own grandkids." "I don't have a boyfriend!" "I was dating someone and we broke up." "But it was a girl because..." "I'm bi, okay?" "Bisexual." "We know what it means." "I can't believe this." "You call yourself a liberal." " Okay, can you all just..." " I don't care that she's gay." " Uh, bi." " I care that nobody told me until now." "I am the last to know anything." "For all I know, you could be married with three children, right now, and not telling your mother." "Maybe he's bi." "Oh, my God." "You know what?" "Maybe I did meet somebody." "But why would I tell you?" "So you two could pick my life apart?" "Oh, don't be so sensitive!" "It's just that you lead a..." " Less normal life than..." " Than who?" "Than Thomas?" "Stop holding Thomas up as a model for what a good son is supposed to be, because, let me tell you something, he had plenty of secrets that he never told you." "Talk about secrets?" "Do you know about the affair that he had?" "Do you know about the fact that he's got a child who's 22 years old now?" "I guess you all know about Natalie." "What?" "Thomas told us." "A year before he died." " And you never told me?" " Mom, please, just..." "He was my son, it was his right to..." "And I was his wife!" "Stop!" "Everybody just stop!" "If there's one thing that isn't gonna make me feel any better, it's this." "So thanks for... trying to do the happy family thing for me, but... from now on, just don't bother." "If you have to come visit me, you can come one at a time." "And if you can't do that, then just..." "Leave me alone." "What do we do about Christmas?" "Thanks a lot you guys." "Knock knock!" "Are you busy right now?" "No." "Good." "Because I'm kidnapping you." "Ha!" "You're insane." "I was just trying to recreate our Grand Theft Auto experience." "Well, mission accomplished." "I feel like a criminal again." "Are we even allowed to be in here?" "Oh, no." "No, probably not." "Then let's go." "I shouldn't be away from my fluids anyway." "Dr. Hamburg said I need to be on them for 24 to 48 hours and it's barely been 24." "Man, you are being even more anal now, than you were in the sport's car." "Come on." "Hospital rules are not law." "You know, they're..." "They're more like suggestions." "We're supposed to keep those on." "You really think that glorified piece of tissue is doing anything?" "Listen, you asked me what was on my bucket list." "Well, what's on my list is for us to not worry tonight." "You know who doesn't worry about anything?" "Kids." "So can we just..." "Act like a couple of kids for a little while?" "Huh?" "It's... it's my maybe dying wish." "You're here early." "Well, that's because we have a problem and we all have to have a talk." "Well, we have to do it in an hour." "I just had a cup of bran, and if I don't do my morning walk right now," " my entire digestive system..." " Uh, Lynn?" "Your ass will survive." "All right, just everybody listen up, okay?" "All right, look, uh..." "Last night..." "We all let our issues with each other get the better of us." "And we forgot to put April first." "Except for Brenna, who's been putting her sister first since day one." "Yes, she has." "And by the way, Brenna, I don't think there's anyone here who's not proud that you're gay." "I don't really use that label." "Or whatever the hell you are." "Yeah, uh, the point is that Christmas is back on." "But April said that she didn't want to see us all together again because..." "Because she was just trying to take care of us instead of herself." "That's how April is." " I know that." " Good." "Then we both know our granddaughters and we can both be close to them." "It's not a competition." "Okay, um..." "Should we get the Christmas stuff out of the living room?" "Ho, ho, ho." "Okay, let's go." "Thank you for doing that." "I wish I could be there." "Yeah, me too." "So, I feel like the logical next step for you is the side-mullet." "Maybe these haircuts are just fighting the inevitable." "Do you want me to just shave it?" "No." "Sorry." "I know it's gonna happen anyway, it's just..." "I don't know." "It's kind of hard to explain if you're not going through it." "Sign on the dotted line, roomie!" "Yay!" "Are you kidding me, Chris?" "Uh, Dr. Weaver's first name is Chris." "Yeah, and apparently he just met someone new, listen to this:" ""I just want to be fair to you." "I respect you so much," "I really enjoyed getting to know you." "I know you'll have no trouble meeting a wonderful guy who deserves you."" "Wow." "Just... wow." "Volunteering here was such a waste." " It's not a waste." " Yeah." "You're making a difference in people's lives." "Whatever." "I wanted to make a difference in my love life, and now no other doctor here is gonna want to date me because they probably have some kind of doctor code." "Did I really just sign that lease?" "Any time you want to crash here..." "Oh, God..." " Hey!" " Hey." "Question:" "Why do people think just because you're in the hospital you suddenly want to read self-help books, with names like," ""unleash the warrior within."" "Thanks, aunt Kathy." "I don't know." "I need you to do something for me." "Shave my head." "Hang on just a second!" "Sorry." "No, I just don't know if I'm ready." "Sorry, I know it's only hair." "No, I get it." "It's..." "Traumatic." "But hair does grow back." "Hey, how about if I went first?" "I thought you didn't have to shave your whole head, just the part where they make the incision?" "Doesn't mean I can't shave my head if I want to, hmm?" "I'll show you mine if you show me yours?" "Scalps, I mean." "Okay." "Take it all off." "You look like an alien." "You look like a baby." "I feel like one." "It is kind of like we're..." "Both being reborn." "So, what time do you leave for surgery again?" "Uh, about a half an hour." "So I'll see you in hell." "Dude..." "I'm sorry." "I..." "Didn't know what to say." "It's okay." "I know you don't like to make a big deal of goodbyes so..." "I won't." "See you." "No, hey." "What?" "It's Christmas!" "It's May!" "So what?" "I think you'll like this better" " than the last one I gave you." " Oh..." "God, you guys..." "How sweet." "I know we all acted like teenagers yesterday, and I'm sorry." "That's okay." "But can I be honest with you about something?" "Well, of course, pumpkin." "The way you talk about me being sick and fighting this, it puts a lot of pressure on me." "Like, I have to be strong all the time and if I'm not..." "I've failed." "Oh, God." "I'm sorry I made you feel that way." "I only talk like that because" "I want to feel that we have the power to affect the outcome of all this." "Because if we don't..." "It scares me." "I already lost a son." "And I don't even want to think" " about losing you..." " Hey!" "Someone once told me that being a survivor makes your life richer." "And I think that that's kind of true." "I've lost a lot, but I'm also gaining things." "Like, I'm..." "Closer with my best friends because of this." "And, I've made new friends." "I get a bonus Christmas with you guys!" " I mean..." " Look at you." ""Bonus Christmas."" "I'm glad you all get to spend so much time together these days." "Yeah." "Yeah, me too." "All your mom and I ever wanted was for you to have a family." "Now I see that you do." "Thanks, pop." "It's mom, here." "Aww, I'm sad she's not here." "Go look out the window." " Hello?" " Can you see me?" " Mom!" " Hey, sweet girl!" "Aww, I'm sorry I couldn't be up there in person, but you know I wouldn't miss a holiday with you for anything." "Even Christmas in May." "I miss you so much." "I miss you, too." "Are you feeling any better?" "I am now." "Vent rate within normal range." "Looking at .7 diameter." "His heart rate is dropping." "Push .5 atropine now." "Yes, Doctor." "Recessed breath signs." "Patient's decompensating." "He's flatlining."