"Bill's been kidnapped." "(BARKS)" "Your Majesty, you've had me abducted by werewolves?" "(CHEERING)" "These are not ordinary werewolves." "Eric Northman sent me!" "I'm here to look after you." "You brought this skank just to make me jealous." "You're gonna make me a cop, and you're gonna make me one, now." "I've been taking care of your mother." "I think you're the first visitor she's had." "Where's Sookie now?" "Jackson, Mississippi." "Let me go!" "(SCREAMS)" "It's really you." "What about no one telling me my whole damn life I had a brother?" "Those things you can't explain, I don't care about 'em." "This baby's Rene's!" "It's gonna be evil!" "(GROWLING)" "SAM:" "I can't promise you a perfect life..." "Take it to him, Tommy!" "SAM:" "But I can promise you it'll be better than this one." "Will you be my vampire bride?" "(GRUNTS)" "I won't let you go!" "(ROARS) Ahhh!" "(SCREAMING) Get out!" "(GRUNTS)" "Bill, is it true that Sookie's blood lets you walk in the sunlight?" "The blood works for a few minutes." "(GROWLS)" "So you turn into a panther." "That ain't so bad." "(SCREAMING)" "What are you?" "A witch." "Russell took my family." "Now I take his." "(SCREAMING)" "No!" "Where am I supposed to go?" "Not my problem." "You ain't gonna shoot shit." "Did we find the bag of V?" "Kenya put it into evidence." "We will eat you." "No!" "I'm a faerie?" "Your grandfather used to know things." "Personal things he never would have told anybody." "ERIC:" "She may well be their only chance to walk in the sun." "You traitor." "Say goodbye to my woman." "Somebody gotta take care of everybody that's left." "I drink human blood." "Drink me." "(CRUNCHES)" "What, are you gonna shoot me now?" "I wish I could just be a completely new person." "You will regret this." "Ahhh!" "ERIC:" "He tried to silence me tonight." "You manipulated me into falling in love with you!" "No!" "I have nothing left to lose." "(HISSES)" "(SCREAMING)" "Sookie, come with us." "(BIRDS CHIRPING)" "MAN:" "Would you like to try a lumiere?" "They're great!" "Would you like a lumiere?" "(HIGH-PITCHED WHINE)" "(RUMBLING)" "(CROWD APPLAUDING)" "Oh!" "I feel nauseous." "CLAUDINE:" "It'll pass." "Well done." "As you were." "Wait." "Are you like, the head of the faeries or somethin'?" "Oh, hardly." "No, I'm your..." "I'm your godmother." "You know, it's a..." "I have a Faerie Godmother?" "Oh, it's not all fun and parties." "Some of us have to work." "Okay, if your job is to look after me, can I just say you suck?" "Do you know how many times I could have used a Faerie Godmother?" "Well, you're still alive, aren't you?" "You're not exactly Miss Trouble-Free, you know." "Come on." "Let's enjoy the party." "Sookie?" "Barry?" "Yeah." "The bellboy?" "Yeah." "How long have you been here?" "We just got here." "Jesus, can you believe this place?" "Oh, this is my Faerie Godmother, Lloyd." "Hi." "Look at everyone." "Do you realize this is like the one place in the universe where we're not freaks?" "(GIGGLING)" "Well, we're going to get a drink." "Once you two are finished chatting, mingle." "Would you like a lumiere?" "A light-fruit." "Yeah." "WOMAN 1:" "Oh, my God!" "Mmm." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Barry, hold on a sec." "Mmm." "Whoa." "This is like biting into pure happiness." "You gotta try this, Sookie." "Yeah, hold on." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Now, isn't that a beauty?" "Just turned ripe." "Mmm." "Granddaddy?" "Beg your pardon?" "Granddaddy Earl." "I'm Sookie." "I just saw you last week." "It was your birthday." "Granddaddy, that was twenty years ago." "♪ When you came in the air went out" "♪ And every shadow filled up with doubt" "♪ I don't know who you think you are but before the night is through" "♪ I want to do bad things with you" "♪ I'm the kind to sit up in his room" "♪ Heartsick and eyes filled up with blue" "♪ I don't know what you've done to me but I know this much is true" "♪ I want to do bad things with you" "♪ I want to do real bad things with you ♪" "Oh, my Lord." "It's..." "Your grandma, did she..." "Did she pass gentle?" "It was peaceful." "She lived a happy life." "Mama and Daddy, they were in a flood, so I have no idea." "I try not to think about it." "It's just me and Jason now." "Twenty years!" "I can't understand how..." "I swear, I've only been here a few hours." "You've been here all this time?" "I... (SIGHS)" "I must have lost track of time." "It's just, everything seems so... lovely." "(INHUMAN SCREECH)" "(GROWLING)" "SERVANT:" "Would you like a lumiere?" "(SCREECH)" "SOOKIE:" "Granddaddy, can you hear me?" "EARL: (REVERSE ECHO) Yes." "Yes, I can hear you." "This is a trap." "We need to leave." "WOMAN:" "A trap?" "The trap is the world you've left behind." "Oh, no need to bow." "We're all friends here." "I'm sorry." "I just have no idea who you are." "You can call me Mab." "I am the one who sent for you." "Have you had a try of the lumiere fruit yet?" "No, I haven't had a chance." "It's really very good." "I'm not hungry." "Have a taste." "I don't want any." "The future of our kind is in peril." "A vampire breached our realm because he'd had a taste of faerie blood." "Your blood." "In the old kingdom, vampires nearly drank us to extinction." "They drove us onto this plane." "Well, it won't happen again." "I'm staying away from vampires." "I can guaran-damn-tee you that!" "(OCTAVE LOWER:" "MONSTER'S VOICE) Oh, I know." "We can't have bearers of the fae on the human plane any longer." "We've sown too many seeds with humans." "Now it is time to harvest!" "Harvest?" "You're harvesting people." "Fruit, please." "Get away from me!" "Eat it." "(GRUNTS)" "(SCREAMS)" "(SCREAMS)" "(GRUNTS)" "(GROWLS)" "Granddaddy, run!" "Do not let the girl escape!" "(CROWD SCREAMING)" "Get her!" "(EXPLOSION)" "SOOKIE:" "Can you keep up?" "EARL:" "Trying!" "SOOKIE:" "Try harder!" "(GRUNTS)" "CLAUDE:" "Come with us!" "We can help you!" "Let me go!" "(SCREAMS)" "Do not fear." "We can get you home." "Hold them off!" "I've got the humans!" "Hurry." "This way!" "Hurry!" "(SCREAMS)" "(SCREAMING)" "CLAUDE:" "This way!" "Whoa." "CLAUDE:" "You have to jump!" "What?" "No." "I don't even know who the hell you are!" "My sister was the one who abducted you because the Crown wishes to seal off the human world from Faerie forever." "And you don't?" "It was once our world, too." "It is our right to travel there." "Have you eaten the light-fruit?" "He has, but not me." "Only you can go then." "(NEARBY SCREECH)" "Hurry!" "Humans!" "Do not listen to his lies." "Jump and you will die!" "She's closing the portal!" "Do you want to go home or not?" "(SCREAMING)" "EARL:" "Sook, no!" "Sookie!" "(SOOKIE SCREAMING)" "(SOOKIE SCREAMING)" "(GRUNTS)" "(EARL COUGHING)" "Granddaddy?" "What's wrong?" "It's, uh..." "I had the light-fruit." "But I had to see you home." "Your..." "Your mama and daddy," "your granny, are they here?" "Yes." "Come on." "(GRUNTS)" "(GRUNTING)" "(LOUD GRUNT)" "I never meant to leave you all." "We never believed you abandoned us." "None of us ever stopped loving you." "That's good." "Your gran's gonna give me what for in heaven, I guarantee ya." "I'm dyin', Pumpkin." "Granddaddy, no." "I can feel it." "(GRUNTS)" "(SOBS)" "Give this to Jason." "Man ought to own a good watch." "Now I'm happy." "I'm where I belong." "(PAINED) You be good, Sookie." "I love you." "(CRYING)" "MAN:" "Just use the one you got up there right now." "(HAMMERING)" "SOOKIE:" "What the..." "Sweetheart, where do you think you're goin'?" "It's my house." "Hey, you can't go in there!" "SOOKIE:" "Oh my God." "SOOKIE:" "Um, excuse me?" "Honey, if you don't come back out, I'm callin' the police." "Do it!" "Call the cops, 'cause I would love an explanation!" "JASON:" "Hello!" "(KNOCKING)" "(DOOR OPENS)" "Police!" "Jason?" "Sook, Sookie." "Oh my God." "Oh my God!" "Look, I can't believe it's you." "Jason, why are you dressed like a cop?" "Jesus Christ, we thought you were dead!" "We've been lookin' everywhere for you." "We, we figured a vampire must have did it." "Bill or, or maybe that crazy tall one." "Hold on, hold on." "Stop a second." "What is today's date?" "Today is uh, October twenty-first." "I've been gone two weeks?" "Uh, Sook..." "You've been gone twelve and a half months." "SOOKIE:" "You sold my house?" "Your stuff's all still here." "Now, I packed it, but I didn't get a chance to..." "Yeah, I saw." "Well, at least I didn't throw it away." "Look, Sook, you have been gone for a year, and it killed me even thinkin' about all the people who should still be livin' here, and how they're all gone." "I just couldn't take it no more." "Who bought the place?" "Uh, a real estate company with a bunch of initials." "AIK, I think." "Look, they had the cash, they was offerin' more than I was askin', and I just... just wanted to be done with it." "I can't believe you gave up on me." "What choice did I have?" "Sook, you ain't the type to just skip off without tellin' no one." "Plus, you'd been all mixed up with vampires." "Look, we put up fliers, we called TV stations," "I did everything I could think of." "We even made up a website!" "But after you were gone so long..." "I swear it felt like ten, fifteen minutes at the most!" "The place where I went, time just works differently." "I believe you." "I do, but Sook, if you start tellin' people that you time-traveled to a land full of faeries," "they're gonna put you away." "Where the hell did you get that?" "I saw Granddaddy." "He was there." "He wanted you to have it." "He swore he'd only been there a few hours." "Jason, he looked just like we remember him." "Time stands still there, and no one knows it." "It's how I lost a year of my life, and Granddaddy lost twenty." "But where, where is he?" "Well, you didn't leave him there, did you?" "Jason, he's gone." "I'm sorry." "Like, he wanted you to have that watch so that you'd always know that he never meant to leave you." "Hmm." "What time you got?" "6:35." "Which means..." "(WHOOSHING)" "My God." "Sookie!" "Forgive me." "I know I'm not welcome." "I have not felt your presence for over a year." "Well, I'm fine." "You were with Claudine?" "It's none of your business where I go or what I do." "Sookie, for over twelve months I was so empty." "It was as if..." "I thought you had died." "(WHOOSHING)" "Well, I knew you weren't dead." "Eric, not now." "I never lost hope." "Don't you have an obligation at Fangtasia?" "I don't think so." "I believe you do." "Pam can handle it." "They specifically want you." "Well, I appreciate your concern, but we're fine, thank you." "Eric, go!" "Apparently, I have to go." "But understand this." "Everyone who claims to love you, your friends, your brother, even Bill Compton, they all gave up on you." "I never did." "Nice paint." "(POLICE SIREN)" "You have gotta be shittin' me!" "Happy to see you, too, Andy." "Geez." "Are you all right?" "Yeah, I'm safe, sound." "We all thought, uh..." "They all thought that I had killed you." "Well, when you're up to it, come on down to the station." "We'll get your statement, track down whoever it was that took ya." "Nobody took me." "What?" "I wasn't kidnapped." "Don't tell me you skipped town without tellin' no one." "You know how many man hours I put into lookin' for you?" "Hey, take it easy, Andy." "We dragged the fuckin' lake for you!" "Where the hell'd you go?" "Hey!" "She was working for me." "Vampire business." "What?" "Are you kiddin' me?" "What kind of vampire business?" "For a whole year, you swore up and down you had no idea where she was!" "I deeply apologize for misleading you, Sheriff." "Too many human lives would be at risk if I did not keep it a secret." "Now, as you can see, Miss Stackhouse is unharmed." "I'm back." "I'm fine." "I will come down to the office tomorrow, and I will explain it all." "And I will repay the costs of the search effort, as soon as you issue a statement clearing my name." "Obviously, I did not kill her." "For thirteen straight months, I've had that open case on my books." "If it weren't for you, this year's Louisiana Safe Streets plaque would be on my wall, and not fuckin' Webster Parish!" "All right, that's enough!" "Andy, this ain't nothin' we can't get into tomorrow." "You owe me a plaque!" "Get in the car, you!" "Get in the car." "(CAR DOOR OPENS)" "(CAR DOOR CLOSES)" "(CAR DOOR OPENS)" "(CAR DOOR SLAMS)" "I know I've lost an entire year, and I know you must have been worried for me," "but in my mind, it was only an hour ago that you broke my heart into a million pieces." "I understand." "You're safe." "That's all that matters." "I'll leave you be." "Oh, no." "That's good." "I'm glad you're okay with..." "I'm glad you're okay." "Yeah." "Good night, Sookie." "You using' again?" "What?" "No!" "I had maybe one drop this mornin', but it's gone." "I'm out." "You're out now." "(INSTRUMENTAL FUNK ON CAR RADIO)" "LAFAYETTE:" "Five minutes." "(MUSIC STOPS)" "The woman who leads that group," "I've never seen anybody more hooked in to the magic inside of her." "It'll be good for you." "Ten months." "Ten good motherfuckin' months I've gone without a freak-ass vision, and now you want me to go in there and hang out with a bunch of witches." "In a coven." "It's not a coven." "First it was your fuckin' meditation group." "Then it was..." "It's different." "...the Dallas Pagan Fair." "It's completely different, Lafayette." "Five minutes." "Ten if they got drinks." "Smell like where old air fresheners go to die." "You'll get used to it." "Now, they're cool." "Trust me." "They even got a beaded curtain." "LAFAYETTE:" "Oh, hell no." "(HEAD WITCH QUIETLY CHANTING)" "(MOUTHING) Hi." "KATIE:" "Look who's here." "So sorry we're late." "Oh, no." "You haven't missed anything." "Is this your, um..." "Yeah, this is my partner." "Lafayette, this is Katie." "Hi." "Finally broke him down, huh?" "I've been tryin' for ages." "We are so glad that you joined us." "Oh, no." "Wait." "I'm not..." "Did you tell 'em I was joining'?" "That's uh, Marnie." "We'll introduce you to her later." "She look like she could use a nap." "Oh, no." "She's transported herself to another plane." "That's how she can contact the spirits of the dead." "Does she ever find anybody?" "Well, it's like fishin'." "Cast your line into the dark, sometimes you get a response, sometimes you don't." "On nights we don't, there's always vodka." "Mmm-hmm." "(LAFAYETTE CHUCKLES)" "Greatest witch ever, huh?" "Don't be an asshole." "(QUIETLY CHANTING)" "Me?" "But what she want me for?" "Go on." "It's okay." "Oh." "Uh, how y'all uh, doin'?" "(GRUNTS)" "(HACKING AND GRUNTING)" "Uh... (STUTTERING) Did you ever know anyone named, uh, named Edith?" "(CHUCKLING) No." "Never." "Um, I'm pretty sure." "Maybe in, uh, a short form?" "Edie?" "No." "But keep guessing'." "You'll get one right eventually." "Wait." "Hold on." "(COUGHS)" "(GRUNTING)" "Uh, Eddie?" "Could be." "It's a common name." "Well, you lose someone by that name recently?" "We lost touch." "He's got something for you." "A rose." "Go on, take it." "Why would I want a rose?" "(IN A MASCULINE VOICE) They drained me, Lafayette." "But it's okay." "It was worth it just to have a glass of Merlot with you." "What the..." "How did you fuckin' do that?" "I, uh..." "I didn't do anything." "It just came to me." "I'm sorry." "You told 'em." "He fuckin' told you!" "No, no, I swear I didn't say anything." "I didn't say a thing." "Lafayette!" "He was a spirit." "I can't live with him." "It's okay, it's okay." "Oh!" "(DOOR CLOSES)" "Terry!" "Mama's home!" "(BABY COOING)" "Hey, Mikey, baby." "Terry?" "Terry?" "Get in here!" "Now!" "(TOILET FLUSHING)" "What's up?" "How in the hell did this happen?" "Coby and Lisa are at their Aunt Mona's." "I figured why not let him play with 'em." "You let him pull their heads off." "Huh." "No, he wasn't doin' that." "I just left him here for a sec while I hit the head." "Well, how long were you in there?" "I don't know." "Two or three minutes." "Decapitating Barbie dolls." "(BABY COOS)" "(WHISPERING) What the hell kind of baby does that?" "Just boys." "Regular, ordinary, curious boys." "When I was a kid, I used to put squirrel heads on lizard bodies and invent new animals and..." "He's a good boy, baby." "If he's got any of you in him, he's good." "It ain't my half I'm worried about." "Mikey," "Mama loves you so, so very much, but you have got to understand." "Killing is wrong." "(CROWD CHEERING)" "(GRUNTING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(SCREAMS)" "(BELL RINGS)" "(SCREAMING)" "(LAUGHING)" "TV ANNOUNCER:" "The male wastes no time and goes in for the kill when he realizes he has to go for the female, who he's protecting." "Hey, hon." "How was work?" "Just ten hours of laying' hot mix asphalt next to a swamp full of mosquitoes." "How you think it was?" "I'm starvin'." "Well, you got your pizza from Monday still left, I think." "(SIGHS)" "Uh, you remember I eat, right?" "Like food." "Be nice to have some in the house." "And you remember I don't eat, don't ya?" "Uh, you eat me." "I mean, a scrambled egg once in a while doesn't seem like too much to ask." "Do you understand how gross human food is to a vampire?" "It's all dead." "Permanently forever dead." "Going to the Piggly Wiggly for me is like going to the morgue for you." "You think bleeding out into your mouth wasn't gross for me at first?" "You get used to it." "I mean, honestly." "How hard is it?" "You crack one into a pan." "Fine." "You want an egg?" "How about a dozen fucking eggs?" "What the hell are you doin'?" "I'm cooking for ya." "Just like your mama." "Look, don't bring her into this." "That woman is dead to me!" "Yeah, and if her aim were any better, I'd be a pile of goo and she'd be making your eggs." "Your delicious fucking eggs!" "You know what?" "I'm not asking you for the moon, Jess!" "You like 'em runny?" "I don't give a crap." "I'm starvin'." "Good." "Then God forbid I overcook it!" "Yep!" "Mmm." "There." "You happy?" "Mmm." "How's it taste?" "Mmm." "Tastes great." "No, you know what?" "Tastes just fuckin' scrumptious." "(LAUGHS)" "Quit it." "No, stop eating." "You'll make yourself..." "Damn, Hoyt." "There's nothin' funny... (LAUGHS)" "(LAUGHING) about your disgusting, sorry-ass cookin'." "ANNOUNCER:" "For the same game, with four..." "Well, TV sure hasn't gotten any better in the past year." "Where's your uniform?" "Shove over." "I'm not lettin' you spend the night alone." "So you want with marshmallows or without?" "With." "Look, I know you must have been worried for me, but you can't shadow me forever." "No, it ain't that, Sook." "Just... having you back," "it's, like, the happiest I've been in my entire life." "And I don't want it to end." "I love you, too." "I'm still mad you sold the house." "Ugh." "You are not gonna let me live that down, are you?" "Tomorrow, I'm gonna call Sid Matt and see if we can't give those AIK people their money back." "I'm keepin' the flat screen, though." "Well, yeah." "It's nice." "Yes, of course, Fangtasia is for everyone." "Vampires, humans, men, women, families, pets." "Everyone is welcome." "Come on down." "The blood is warm and so is the service." "And do human families have anything to fear with vampire-owned businesses in their community?" "No." "(DOOR OPENS)" "Can you elaborate on that?" "(DOOR CLOSES)" "Human families have nothin' to fear with vampire-owned businesses in their community." "Stop." "Cut." "That is the man we want." "What?" "Pam not so good?" "She was fine, if you happen to be blind and deaf and an idiot." "What's idiotic is that the AVL believes the public to be so naive." "I have proof, scientific." "People are far dumber than they realize." "It's a post-Russell Edgington world, everyone, and we win back the human public one smile at a time." "Now, can anyone here play this game?" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Action." "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." "My name is Eric Northman." "I'm a tax-paying American and small business owner in the great state of Louisiana." "I also happen to be a vampire." "You know, as the oldest member of this community," "I would have been eligible to take up residence here 110 years ago." "(CROWD CHUCKLING)" "But it warms my heart to see the most beloved folks of our town taken care of in the way that they deserve." "Now the past year, there's been a lot of inflammatory talk from politicians warning their constituents not to trust vampires." "But think about it for a second." "Who would you rather trust?" "A vampire or a politician?" "I must offer my gratitude for the generosity and the open-mindedness of the Bon Temps Chamber of Commerce, led by the redoubtable Miss Portia Bellefleur." "The truth is, vampires are as different from each other as humans are, because we were humans, and we ask only to be treated as such." "I am also grateful to be able to honor my wife," "Caroline, who was a treasure of this community for over 60 years." "And many of these trees on this street were planted by her, and all the other members of the Arbor Society." "And it is my wish that this center will grace our town for as long as these trees have stood around us." "And we welcome you into our world as well." "We're always more than happy to serve humans here at Fangtasia, and I don't mean for dinner." "Now then." "We can't have a ribbon cutting' without the giant scissors." "Mister Mayor." "Thank you, Mister Compton." "It's kinda nice not bein' the oldest person here for a change." "(LAUGHS)" "Cut." "There you go." "(MUFFLED ROCK MUSIC AND SHOUTING INSIDE BUILDING)" "It's a disgusting habit." "(GIGGLES)" "It's my victory cigarette." "I totally let you win." "Hmm." "Hey." "Hmm." "Mmm." "Don't mind me." "I don't want to distract from the show." "Go on." "Fuck off." "You take requests?" "I'll give you ten if you eat each other out." "That's uh, five each." "I'm a seventh dan in Taekwondo, so no, I don't take requests." "But I can crush your spine so bad you'll be suckin' your own dick." "Naomi, it doesn't matter." "He won't remember any of this tomorrow." "I will if I get me some of that chocolate banana swirl." "How about twenty dollars?" "Last time, pervert." "We're not fucking prostitutes." "Everyone's got a price." "NAOMI:" "That's it." "Fifty?" "I'm sad for you, buddy." "Sad that you gotta hassle women on the street." "Sad that you gotta make a asshole of yourself for the attention, and sad that you gotta offer money, 'cause there ain't nothin' else about you that's worth lovin'." "That's for me not reportin' you for solicitation." "(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)" "Come on, Toni." "SOOKIE:" "Oh, I'm so sorry I missed your wedding." "ARLENE:" "No, it's okay." "Oh, we were all thinkin' the worst!" "Okay, okay." "I can't breathe." "Well, especially Arlene." "You know where my mind went." "The man you loved turns out to be a crazed killer..." "He wasn't." "I know, but..." "He wasn't." "Of course." "Still, we were gonna name the baby after you." "But then it turned out to be a boy, and there ain't no boy version of Sookie." "I can't wait to meet him." "Oh, well, you'll see." "He's uh, he's really, real kinda smart." "He is." "I'm gonna get my hug in before my gumbo burn." "Next time, text a motherfucker or somethin', and save us all from a world of worry." "I will." "Uh, is Tara working today?" "No, she, she moved." "What?" "Yeah." "Where to?" "Honestly, Sook, I don't know." "She sent postcards." "A month in Houston, next from Santa Fe." "But she seemed to be doin' good." "I can't believe Tara would just move away." "After what she'd been through?" "Yeah, okay." "I guess I can." "Will you tell I asked for her?" "Yeah." "Yeah, next time she writes." "Vampire business, huh?" "I'm sorry." "I can't say anymore." "Must have been pretty important to keep everybody grieving over you for a whole year." "I know what y'all must have gone through." "No, no, you don't. 'Cause you weren't here." "Hey, a lot's happened, Sookie." "A lot's changed." "Yeah." "You've gotten a lot more prickly." "You start part-time." "Holly and Arlene got kids." "They need the shifts." "Are we still not talking?" "You set me up." "What reason would I have to purposely freak you out like that?" "Tell me why you want me to be in this crazy witch cult so bad." "You'd rather believe that I would lure you into a cult, than the possibility that magic can really happen?" "Mmm." "Marnie found Eddie on her own, man." "That's real." "It's real magic." "It's in her." "And it's in you, too." "I got by just fine my whole life without no fuckin' magic." "When are you gonna stop denying the fact that you've got a gift?" "Ever since you realized it, you've been fighting against yourself." "I care about you, and I hate to see you run away from the thing that makes you special." "That's why I want you in my crazy witch cult." "I need a word with Mister Reynolds." "In private." "Police matter." "Listen, we're uh, we're gonna meet again tonight." "You comin'?" "I don't know." "Can I help you, Mister Po-Po?" "Yes, uh, I uh, got a undercover sort of thing on uh, narco." "Need me some uh, bait." "Why you tellin' me?" "Don't talk to me like I'm a idiot." "I'm the sheriff of this parish, with a perfectly legal and legitimate need" "(STUTTERING) for vampire blood." "Whoa." "Whoa, now." "I gave my shit to those Deliverance extras over at Hot Shot, and it damn near cost my life gettin' out of there." "So you can check as many orifices as you like." "I'm clean." "And I'm your Aunt Fanny." "JASON:" "Andy!" "Don't, don't fuck with me." "I know you're slingin'!" "Give it." "Andy, whoa, Andy!" "Take it down." "This man is not a suspect, he's not a person of interest, he is not a witness, and he is not a CI." "Right." "So we got no reason to be questioning him." "Right." "Right." "Sorry." "Must have uh, got my drag queens mixed up." "Hey, look." "I'm not sayin' anything happened just now, but uh, if something did happen, it didn't happen." "Okay?" "MAXINE:" "Ow!" "Shitfire." "I have told you, Sam Merlotte, people of all kinds need to eat." "Don't even have the decency to make the front door handicap accessible." "Biscuits." "Yes, ma'am." "You gonna be comfy, hon?" "You want a tushy cushion?" "It's okay." "I just want to be treated like everybody else." "Extra gravy for ya." "And two teas." "Three sugars for me." "Splenda." "How's that leg today, Tommy?" "Beats a sharp stick in the eye." "(GIGGLES)" "(GIGGLES)" "Tommy, you wanna..." "Oh." "Bless us, Lord, for these gifts we're about to receive, and for those gifts you've bestowed upon us." "Amen." "Amen." "Mmm, mmm, mmm." "Super good today, Sam." "Thanks." "How's that physical therapy I'm payin' for?" "Well, could use a couple more months." "How's that anger management class?" "Might need to go more often." "Mmm." "(LAUGHING) Whoa!" "Mmm." "(PHONE BEEPS)" "Shit." "Ugh, switch it off." "(PHONE BEEPS)" "Babe, what's wrong?" "It's uh... from my dad." "My grandma passed." "Oh my God." "I'm so sorry." "He texted that to you?" "Yeah, they're not the best communicators." "Do you need to go home for the funeral?" "You know what?" "I'll probably just send flowers." "You sure?" "Toni, your family would want you in Atlanta." "Nah." "I think I'm better off here." "(CHUCKLING)" "Sid Matt, poor thing." "He's been in and out of the hospital nine, ten months now." "He tells me, "Portia, the firm's all yours,"" "but I think people still like to see his name on the cards and signs." "Is the cappuccino okay?" "It's in the ballpark." "I had to improvise." "No one's ever ordered a cappuccino here." "So I tracked down your buyer, AIK." "Turns out their address is a PO box in the Caribbean." "Phone number is an answering service." "I can keep on it, but it may take some time." "You know my hourly rate." "I'm sure someone with your skill can do it in half the time." "Honestly, they must have put around fifty thousand worth of improvements into that house." "They'd at least want to be compensated for that." "Can't we negotiate some kind of settlement, a payment plan?" "I'll get a hold of someone at AIK." "Maybe we can appeal to their sense of compassion." "Thank you." "There's a lifetime of memories in that house for me." "(REVERSE ECHO) Lifetime of misery and murder, she means." "Oh, poor girl." "Plus all those nights bangin' Bill Compton." "Must have been crazy for him, doin' his vampire business." "Wonder if she'll go crawling' back." "Better not." "He hardly mentions her at all." "Bill okay?" "I'm sorry, excuse me?" "Can I send you a bill?" "Oh yeah." "Sure, of course." "(LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)" "Hey." "Name's Matt." "Jessica." "Nice to meet you." "And I was thinkin' that you were way too beautiful to be alone here tonight." "And I figure it couldn't hurt to ask." "(DISTORTED HEARTBEAT)" "Actually, uh, I'm here with my boyfriend." "Sorry." "It's my loss." "It's uh, O-neg with a twist of B-pos." "You dance with a drink in your hand?" "Sorry I lost my temper with you." "I know." "I'm sorry, too." "HOYT:" "You glad we came?" "I know it's been a while." "Yeah, I'm just, I'm just gonna go touch myself up." "I'll be right back." "(KNOCKING)" "PAM:" "Toilets are for humans only." "Do I need to explain why?" "Sorry, I just..." "I needed a minute." "It's been ages." "Not a letter, a telegram, a smoke signal." "We've been worried sick about you." "Really?" "Not really." "Well, I'm fine." "Me and Hoyt, we, we moved in together." "That tree with the plaid shirt, it has a name?" "Well, he seems sweet and all, if you're into that sort of thing, but if you're making him bring you here, I've got a hunch it's not enough." "Well, it was his idea." "You know, like a date night." "Mmm." "The way you're eye-fucking fang-bangers from across the room, that's especially romantic." "You have no reason to feel guilty." "You're a hunter." "You've never been on your own." "You live with a human." "Monogamously." "(LAUGHS)" "(LAUGHING) Sorry." "It's just so ridiculous." "Don't you think if all I wanted to do was kill and fuck, that I'd be out there doin' it right now?" "Mmm." "Look, I don't even know what you saw or what you think you saw, but when I go home tonight, I'm goin' home with the man I love, and I'm just sorry that you never had that." "(LAUGHS)" "But you know what gets me the angriest?" "SUZANNE:" "Hmm?" "EMORY:" "What's that?" "I thought I had it licked." "I finally cleaned out Tommy's apartment." "Good for you." "Oh, well, that's great." "No." "Brought it all back." "The...the sick feeling." "SUZANNE:" "Hmm." "And I knew it was wrong even before I pulled the trigger." "It was like some other person fired that gun, and there was nothin' I could do to stop him." "Oh, yeah." "I've been there." "Mmm, me, too." "All of us." "Yeah, luckily, I didn't have a gun at the time," "(LAUGHING) or I'd have been a widow a long time ago." "It's primal, Sam." "We wouldn't be who we are if we didn't get emotional." "You can even measure the cortisol levels in your blood." "I bet we're all just naturally higher." "You know what helps the cortisol levels in my blood?" "Mmm-hmm." "Gettin' drunk with y'all." "(LAUGHING)" "Well, hell." "Let's crack open another one then." "Let's crack one open." "Oh, I am near to pickled as it is!" "You in, Luna?" "I gotta teach tomorrow." "Gotta teach?" "It's public education." "Who's gonna know the difference?" "Emory, no politics!" "I will break out in hives." "All right, all right." "So are we ready to move on from wine then?" "I am." "Yes." "Let's hit it." "Let's hit it." "SUZANNE:" "Whoo-hoo!" "Can I get unzipped, please?" "Uh, that's it." "Thank you!" "I have been looking forward to this." "(LAUGHS)" "Please, please." "(LUNA LAUGHING)" "(WHINNYING)" "BOY:" "He's here!" "It's Jason!" "(DOG BARKING)" "Hey, y'all!" "Soup's on!" "KIDS:" "Yay!" "BOY:" "Y'all come on!" "Hey, Timbo." "Hey, Becky." "BOY:" "What do you have?" "JASON:" "I did good this time, guys." "GIRL:" "Can I have some?" "Hot dogs, pork and beans, and ice cream." "Ice cream!" "You know what we do?" "We save this for later, yeah." "Uh, Timbo, go put that in the icebox." "BOY:" "Give me some." "Uh, oh, hey, hey!" "Don't open it." "GIRL:" "Mister Jason, can I have some?" "BOY:" "Let me have it." "How you doin'?" "Come on over!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "At least let me put it on the stove." "You gonna get sick if you eat raw meat." "(KIDS LAUGHING)" "We ain't never got sick before." "You want the rest of my hangubber?" "Ugh." "Yeah, we really need to get your Aunt Crystal back here ASAP." "Y'all could use a mama, and I could use a break." "Didn't you talk to Aunt Crystal?" "Not yet." "But I could think of one or two things I'd like to tell her when I do find her." "BOY:" "Let me have some of that!" "Dude." "Hey, Mister Jason?" "The, the ice box ain't cold or nothin'." "Well, are you sure?" "'Cause I just fixed it." "Come on." "Oh, shoot." "You left it open?" "Yeah, well, that's our air conditionin'." "No wonder you busted it." "Now I'm gonna have to replace the cooling element." "Oh!" "JASON:" "Oh, fuck!" "Wait!" "Timbo, what the..." "Hey!" "I'm gonna suffocate in here!" "Come on." "Minerva was much more than a pet to me." "She was my friend, my companion, my familiar." "I, I was wondering why she stopped eating, but now I realize it was her way of telling me that she had more work to do in the spirit world." "I've uh, looked up a ritual to ease her passage there." "Would you all join me, for Minerva?" "MARNIE:" "Guardians of life, shadows of death, we summon thee." "GROUP:" "Guardians of life, shadows of death, we summon te." "Guide Minerva from our realm to yours." "GROUP:" "Guide Minerva from our realm to yours." "Guardians of life, shadows of death, we summon thee." "GROUP:" "Guardians of life, shadows of death, we summon thee." "Guide Minerva from our realm to yours." "GROUP:" "Guide Minerva from our realm to yours." "Restore within her the spirit of life." "(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)" "And return her to the plane of the living." "Uh, Marnie?" "Restore within her the spirit of life." "(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)" "And return her to the plane of the living." "Marnie, we haven't studied this." "You!" "Join!" "(GASPS)" "(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)" "(SQUAWKS)" "(GASPS)" "(CHIRPING)" "(GASPING)" "(CHIRPING)" "Um," "I'm sorry after all that trouble, your bird's still dead." "It doesn't matter." "The king is expecting me." "Gate two." "Miss Pelham is at Garden One on foot toward you." "MAN:" "Copy that." "I have eyes on." "(WALKIE-TALKIE CHATTER)" "Your Majesty." "Good evening, Miss Pelham." "Please, sit anywhere." "(GASPS)" "What the hell!" "Excuse me!" "Mmm." "Such a strange sensation when the reality matches what you've pictured in your mind so precisely." "Is this another dream?" "It's been a year." "How much of your blood is left in me?" "Oh, it's not a dream, I assure you." "Then how are you here?" "I rescinded your invitation." "You don't own the house anymore." "I do." "Why would you do that?" "Why would you buy my house?" "Because I always knew you were alive, and if I owned the house," "well, then I would own you." "Sookie, you are mine." "(GROWLS)"