"La team Aeon vous présente:" "Family Guy Saison 7 Épisode 6:" "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing (V. O)" "Ont participé à l'épisode:" "Arthuruss, Weasel Busters et Babybello" "Griffin, I need you to run these shipping reports upstairs to the CEO." "There's nothing fun or entertaining about that." "Maybe if I walk down the hall with a wisecracking rabbi." "Do you charge a lot for your circumcisions?" "No, I just keep the tips." "Alright, where's the CEO's office?" "I've always wanted to see the inside of the executive bathroom." "Executive bathroom, Sir?" "Uh... yes." "Right this way." "So... where is this executive bathroom?" "There." "Welcome to Executive Bathroom Island." "Well, this is peaceful." "Good morning, Lois." "Peter, since when do you get so dressed up for work?" "Since I got tired of getting nowhere in this world, Lois." "I have decided to do whatever it takes to become an executive." "Well, it would certainly be great if you got a promotion." "You'd earn more money, get better health insurance..." "Lois, I am doing this for the bathroom." "And I am not giving up on my dream, like I did with that indoor hot-air balloon." "And away we go." "I can't feel my legs!" "Welcome to the party, pal." "No, wait there they are." "Call it hell, call it heaven it's a probable twelve to seven" "That's a guy's only doin'it for some doll." "Some doll, some doll" "The guy's only doin'it for some doll." "Boy, it sure is great to have you back in town, Frank." "Yeah, but this place is dead." "I don't know, that one guy seemed to like it." "I like everything." "Including ginger ale." "That's my way of ordering a ginger hell." "Sorry, I can't pay you more, guys." "But business has been bad, I'm actually looking to sell the joint." "You can't sell this place." "So few clubs play real music anymore." "Well, you wanna buy it?" "I'll give you a good deal." "You know that's not a bad idea." "Yeah, we could really turn this place around." "Play our cards right, it could be bigger than the Apollo Theater." "All right, now, next up, we got the comedy stylings of Kim Lee Sung!" "Give it up." "How you doin'tonight?" "So you ever notice when two black guys come into your convenience store and one go one way, and one go the other way?" "What they doing?" "What they stealing?" "Who with me?" "You stay out of my store." "All you stay out of my store." "I'll remember your face." "Peter, I want you to retype those..." "What is this?" "Have you been cleaning?" "Yep, I'm working extra hard so you'll promote me." "Well, based on your track record you'll understand if I have trouble believing you." "Believe it, Angela, I hate being just a cog around here." "Almost as much as I hate homeless people asking me for money." " Spare some change?" " Sure." " You didn't put anything in there." " Yes, I did." "I put hope in there." "Hope." "Don't spent it all on one place, raggy." "Griffin, what the hell is this?" "It's a robot that I built to save this company money." "Now before you say anything," "One: it has no human emotions." "And two: its prime directive is never to harm people." "Oh God, it's harming people." "Angry!" "Angry!" "Oh God, it's got human emotions, too." "It's using tools." "It's learning, Angela." "It's learning, run!" "What do you want, Griffin?" "Angela, look out your window." "You see that Anheuser-Busch billboard next to the children's hospital?" "Well, watch this." "Oh God!" "Oh my God, this is horrible." "Oh God!" "That's terrible." "Good Lord, save them." "Bless their..." "Oh, okay!" "Yeah!" "Here we go." "Alright, everything worked out." "Stewie, guess what." "Frank and I just closed the deal to buy the Quahog Cabana Club." "Oh well, Brian, what else are you doing that's terrible and stupid?" "Just wait, in a few weeks that club will be the hottest spot in Quahog." "You're deluding yourself." "You're gonna fail faster than John Madden's wedding video business." "Boom, here's your groom over here." "Boom, you got your bride right here." "A lot of people say that Stacy is not good and that she slept with this guy, and done that guy, and even this guy." "But I'll tell ya some, that experience is gonna work in her favor late in the game." "You know who had a heck of a wedding?" "Brett Farve." "Griffin, I've got good news." "A management-level position has become available, and" "I've seen that you've been working very hard lately." "I'm recommending you for a promotion." "Will I get to use the executive bathroom?" " Of course." " Holly crap!" "You know, last week I ate a fortune cookie that said" ""Obvious lesbian will bring great news"." "It also said a grand piano would fall on me." "Well, good day to you." "And I will..." "Yeah, I mean, we're done." "Just squeeze by you here." "Hi, is this where I get the poop pass to use the executive bathroom?" "Sit down, Mr Griffin." "We need to talk." "OK, well make it fast 'cause I'm starting to crown." "Mr Griffin, all our executives require a high school education." "And your file says that you never passed the third grade." "If you want this promotion, you're going to have to go back and finish." "Well, that sounds hilarious but it also sounds like it might take a while." "I'm afraid that's your only option." "Well, I mean if that's what I'm gotta do then then I guess I..." "Next time you get a fortune cookie don't open it." "Bye, you guys." "Have fun at school." "Peter, stop pouting." "All you got to do is finish third grade and you'll get that promotion." "Is it gonna be a bigger pain in the ass than getting into "last clap" contest with Cleveland." "Ladies and gentlemen, the Quahog Men's Chorus." "Clap one more time, you're not coming to my birthday!" "Who did that?" "Giggity." "Good morning, class." "Starting today, we have a new student." "Peter, would you like to introduce yourself?" "Hi, my name's Peter Griffin." "I was actually in third grade a long time ago but I never finished." "Back then we had a teacher named Mrs Wilson." "Except we had this funny little nickname for her." "We called her "Mrs Killson"" "'cause she had an abortion." "I know it's kinda silly but we were, you know, we were just a bunch of kids." "I'm sorry, go ahead, Mrs..." "Wilson." "Thank you, Peter." "Why don't you sit over there, next to Omar?" "Omar is our top student and we're hoping he'll leads us to victory next week at the district spelling bee." "What are you doing in our class?" "You're old." "Are you stupid or something?" "Picking on the new kid, huh?" "At least my parents didn't name me Gaymar!" "I never knew you could make fun of someone for being homosexual." "And by laughing at other people's sexuality, somehow I feel better about my own." "Hey, Brian, where are all the people?" "They'll be here, Frank." "We just gotta give 'em time." "And wouldn't you know it, there's our first customer." "I'll entertain him while we wait for more to arrive." "Thanks for coming." "How are you doing tonight?" "Good." "Glad to hear it." "Any request?" "Play "On The Dark Side" by John Cafferdy And The Beaver Brown Band." "Give it up, Brian." "No one wants to go to a stupid Big Band club anymore." "You know, I could help you make some changes around here that would bring in customers." "You know Brian, we should give Stewie a shot." " It can't hurts." " Well... what did you have in mind?" "Just trust me Brian, I know exactly what to do." "You've got to be aggressive." "Even more aggressive than Michael Jackson's treatment of his own groin on stage." "Thank you." "All right, Susie, what have you brought in for show-and-tell?" "This is my Malibu Barbie doll that I got for Christmas this year." "She comes with a hairbrush, a pocketbook and two different dresses." "Oh, my God, who..." "the hell... cares?" "!" "Peter, I would like to remind you that you are in a classroom." "Not for long." " Can I help you, sir?" " Hi there, my name's Glenn Griffin." "Uh, I'm here to pick up my son Peter for a ball game..." " uh, doctor's appointment." " Peter is your son?" " That is affirmative." " Because you look a lot more like that child over there." "Daddy?" "Oh, God!" " Daddy?" " Oh, God!" " Papa?" " Oh, God!" "Hey, there are no kids in here, right?" " Nope." "Just me." " Oh, thank God." "You wanna have unprotected sex?" "What the hell did Stewie do to this place?" "Hey, get a load of Maynard G. Krebs over here." "He's rubbing the records with his hand." "Hey, hey, you're gonna ruin that, you know?" "Hey, hey, there they are!" "Stewie, what is all this?" "What did you do to the Cabana Club?" "Ooh, we don't call it the Cabana Club anymore, Frank." "It's now called "place."" "Little p, big L." "Congratulations." "You two now own the hottest spot in town." "Wow, that's a lot of people." "I hope we have enough rye." "How do you pay for all this?" "Oh, I got a job as a field reporter for Channel 5 News." "And all the juice is being collected underneath?" "Yes, and whoever collects the most is gonna win a free weekend here at the Chateau with international foods and wine tastings." "Stop!" "Oh, I can't breathe!" "I can't breathe!" "Ooh!" "Oh, gosh, I hope he's alright." "Well, we'll have to send someone to make sure that he is." "Hey, Omar, want a Hertz donut?" "Um, okay." "Hurts, don't it?" "Dumbass." "Wow, he effectively silenced Omar by hitting him in the face." "My dad hits me." "But I bet if I hit others, the pain stops." " Someday, I'll use what I've learned here on my wife." "Peter, is this your homework?" "Hold on." "Let me take out my reading glasses." "Yeah, that's mine." "I could flunk you for this, but "Buttlickers" is a three-syllable word." "Not even Omar can spell those." "So, you're joining him at next week's district spelling bee." "If you lead our school to victory," "I'll let you pass third grade." "But if you lose, you fail." "I accept that challenge." "Late'70s Bruce Jenner, take me home." "Hop on, Peter." "So, Brian, how's it feel to own the coolest club in Quahog?" "You think this is cool?" "Look at these people." "I'd rather go bankrupt than cater to pretentious jerks like this." "Whoa, Brian, slow down, man." "We're making money now." "And besides, this place ain't all bad." "Hey, you girls thirsty?" "Could I interest you in a couple of Rob Roys?" "What's a Rob Roy?" "Only the drink of Mr. Peter Lawford." "Who's Peter Lawford?" "What am I hitting on, Lou Costello here?" "Who's Lou Costello?" "Uh, sorry, my friend's a little new to the club scene." "Geez, what the hell's with these broads?" "Look at you two." "Tuxes in a nightclub?" "God, you're more out of place than" "Prince was on The Price Is Right." "And what's your bid on the dining room set, Prince?" " $350." " I'm sorry?" "$350." " Can you speak up, please?" " $350." "All right." "And the actual retail price of the dining room set is... $350." "Yay..." "Peter, wake up!" "Who?" "What?" "Oh." "Oh, Lois." "I just had the weirdest dream that Lewis Black told jokes that were so funny, he had to shout them so everyone could hear." "Peter, you gotta stay awake." "The spelling bee's tomorrow!" "But Lois, I'm ascared." "There's no way I can compete against those other kids." "It's like trying to beat schpupel champion" "Fjurg Van Der Ploeg at a game of schpupel." "Schpupel!" "Don't be sad, Peter." "That's why they call it "schpupel."" "God, we look like idiots." "Hey-hey, that's more like it!" " Where'd you get the threads?" " We went to Barney's." "I heard that's where all the famous people shop for skinny-leg jeans." "These are the tightest, penis-compressingest, sperm-killingest, testicle-grippingest jeans" "I ever tried on!" "Brian, Frank, meet Dakota and New Bedford." "Hey, how's it hanging, Dakota?" " Whassup, New Bedford?" " You look like rappers, but you're not black, so that's the perfect amount of danger." "Oh, God." "Hey, listen, you guys get to know each other." "Looks like my doorman let another gazelle in here." "I'm sorry, but we've been over this before." "We don't serve your kind here." "You're gonna hear from my lawyer." "Yeah, you know, I would welcome that." "I would welcome the opportunity to hear from a lawyer that represents a gazelle." "What's his name?" "Yeah, I don't have a lawyer." "And I'll tell ya something about Dean Martin." "He was the only guy on a golf course who had a five-iron with a cork on the end of it." "So, uh, who wants to come back to the hotel and take a whack at my genitals?" " Cool!" " Awesome!" "All right, we got a ball game." "Hang on, girls." "I'll get ya a couple appletinis." "This is going great, Frank." "This club and these clothes, my God, there's nothing that can stop us." "Hey, party people, I'm ready to get 86'd!" " Andy Dick?" " Oh, no!" "Come on!" "Let's get out of here!" "What the hell just happened?" "Andy Dick happened." "As soon as that guy shows up any place, it gets a worse rap than John Wilkes Booth." "Stupid hat." "Damn it!" "I paid 15 cents for this ticket." "No, he dinnit!" "God, could he be any more annoying?" "Oh, hey, it's Tom!" "Tommy!" "Hey, hey, I hear you took that black chick home." "You're welcome." "Ha!" "Our next spelling bee contestant is..." "Omar Mahar... jarif... a... something September 11th-y." "All right, Omar, your word is "candy."" "Candy." "C-A-N-D-Y." "Candy." "That's correct." "Our next contestant is Peter Griffin." "Peter, your word is "tree."" "Can you use it in a sentence, please?" "There is a tree by the lake." "Can you use it in a dirty sentence?" "I like to bring transient hookers to the old oak tree, where I asphyxiate myself at the same time I'm watching them have sex with each other." "T" " R-E-E." "Tree." "Correct." "We're now down to our final two competitors:" "Peter Griffin and Omar North Tower." "Omar, you'll be going first." "Your word is "coagulate."" "C" " O-A-G..." "A..." "Ooh, I'm sorry, Omar." "Bet you could spell "box cutter."" "I'm nine years old and I'm Indian." "All right, Peter, if you spell your next word correctly, you win the competition." "Your word is "lesbians."" "Can you use it in a sentence?" "The two lesbians are going shopping." "Can you use it in a dirty sentence?" "The two lesbians are going shopping for double-sided marital aids." "Damn." "Wait!" "Can you use it in a libelous sentence?" "Gillian Anderson and Helen Hunt are lesbians." "L" " E-S-B-I-A-N-S." "Correct." "I did it, Lois!" "My God, I did it!" "You sure did, Peter." "I'm so proud of you." "Way to go, Dad." "Yeah, you're a smart fella, Dad." "And you're a fart smeller, Meg." "Let's go home." "Angela, I did it." "I finished the third grade." "I'm ready for my promotion." "Griffin, you blew up a children's hospital." " You're going to jail." " What?" "What, you think everyone just forgot about that?" "There was an investigation, fingerprints, forensic reports." "19 children died, Peter, and the FBI knows it was you." "Mr. Griffin, this court finds you guilty and sentences you to seven days in prison." "You'll be out next Sunday at 9:00." "God, I can't believe we bought these ridiculous cloth for a club that didn't even last." "Hey come on!" "We had a great 72 hour run." "And in this business that's all you can ask for." "Besides, I've already open a new club that's even more exclusive than this one." "Really?" "Where is it?" "Brian, it's so exclusive that it doesn't even have a location." "It's in here." "Human heart." "I think that's a beat we can hold on too." "I weirdly feel a lot better." "Hey Brian, what do you say we sing" "Stewie some real music?" "Sounds good to me." "On the western side of Quahog" "If you care to come alone" "There's a club that's so exclusive" "That the line is ten miles long" "Where the douchebags come to party and to spend their father's cash" "Just to take home slutty women and then wake up with a rash" "Yeah, they wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up with a rash" "Take me out to place tonight where the wallnet caps are tight and the guys in hooded sweatshirts have forgotten that they're white" "Take me out to place tonight where there ain't no seaview light" "And we'll drink ourselves insane until we're vilain" "Dynamite"