"♪ Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom!" "♪" "♪ Raised in a noodle shop ♪" "♪ never seeking glory or fame ♪" "♪ he climbed the mountain top ♪" "♪ and earned the Dragon Warrior name. ♪" "♪ Hu!" "Ah!" "Ya!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom ♪" "♪ and master the skills of bodacious and awesome ♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda. ♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- doom-doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ He lives, he trains ♪" "♪ and he fights with the Furious Five ♪" "♪ protect the valley somethin' somethin' ♪" "♪ somethin' somethin' alive ♪" "♪ Oh!" "Ah!" "Uh!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda ♪" "♪ Legends of awesomeness. ♪" "Sweet!" "..: 1x22" " Has-Been Hero :.." "I'm late!" "I gotta--I gotta go." "I gotta" "No way!" "It's Kwan the Un-killable!" "I thought he was dead." "The last time I saw him, I was a kid at Kong Bai stadium." "That place was jam-packed full of amazing food vendors." "And Kwan was awesome!" "He was incredible." "That was the day he was going to introduce the ram slam!" "Po!" "Po!" "Po!" "Ah!" "I'm late!" "Oops." "He's coming!" "Kwan the Un-killable's coming to the Valley of peace," "And he's gonna leave it..." "In pieces!" "You're late, panda." "I saw Kwan fight when I was a kid." "He was my hero!" "Who isn't your hero?" "The only person you don't idolize is Ling the shoemaker." "Actually..." "I mean, he makes a pretty good shoe." "I've seen Kwan's show." "It's staged." "It's fake." "That's not real kung fu." "If knocking out 100 ninjas coming at you in single-file isn't real kung fu, I don't know what is." "My name is Bai Li." "I'm looking for the Dragon warrior." "Y-y-you... you..." "have a nose." "Smooth." "I am the Dragon warrior." "How may I be of assistance, citizen?" "I have been sent by Kwan the Un-killable." "Kwan requests the pleasure of your presence at his match." "Kwan knows who I am?" "And he thinks my presence is a pleasure?" "We look forward to seeing you there." "Hello." "Hey, I got an extra ticket if anyone" "I'll go!" "Awesome!" "I wonder how hard it would be to shave" "Kwan's name into my fur." "As pressing as that question is, you've got training to do, panda." "I want you to swing hard at this target, but not hit it." " That's it?" " Yes." "'Cause usually when we do one-on-one training, you're up to something tricky." "Like that time when it turned out the training dummy was made of tar and I got stuck in" "Po." "Goo." "Po!" "Gah!" "You have strength, panda, but you lack restraint." "Come with me." "Little help?" " Iron turtle shells." " Whoa." "Kinda... heavy." "Train with the iron turtle shells, and control and precision will be yours." "It takes a while." "I'll be back." "Wait." "Uh..." "How do i, uh..." "Take these things off?" "You can't." "They lock." "I'll do it when you're ready." "Oh, but, but, but, Shifu Shifu Shifu." "It's just that i-- I mean, I have tickets to see Kwan, and could I do this twice later?" "Thank you!" "Oof!" "Check out the banner!" "This is gonna be insane!" "The return of Kwan!" "Can you feel the electricity?" "Can you smell the excitement?" "Smells more like month-old bean ramen." "Where is everyone?" "I don't know, Kwan used to pack this place so full." "Sometimes I had to fit into one seat." "Introducing the main event of the evening..." "He has the power of the ocean!" "The speed of a mountain!" "He is..." "Kwan the Un-killable!" "Yeah!" "Kwan rules all!" "Yeah!" "Who's the goat?" "You are!" " Beautiful." " Yeah, I guess." "Although, he used to be taller, I think, huh?" "And his opponent..." "Bolo, the tepid!" "Boo!" "Awesome." "Kwan, you own this guy!" "He's got him right where he wants him." "Okay, maybe not right where he wants him." "Uh, sorry, Po." "Sorry?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, he's still Kwan the Un-killable." "I gotta get him to sign my belly." "I mean... my poster." "Do you think he'd sign my belly?" "Po!" "You made it!" "Tea?" "It's such an honor to meet the Dragon warrior." "Wow!" "Kwan the Un-killable!" "Will you sign my bell-- Poster?" "I am so honored you were here to see my last fight." " Last fight?" "No!" "Why?" " I'm finished." "No one wants to see an old man fall down." "Monkey might." "Aw, come on." "You're not that old." "Oh, uh, sorry." "At least my glass eye didn't pop out." "I wish there was something I could do to help you get back on top." "Really?" "I'm, like, your biggest fan!" "I even have the Kwan the Un-killable lunchbox, with authentic old-milk smell!" "I'd do anything." "Well, I could fight someone great, let's say," "Like, the Dragon warrior?" "Well, that would put me on top again!" "Kwan the Un-kill..." "Fight the dra-- fight the dragon?" "But, uh, don't you think, uh, maybe you might, kinda like..." "lose a little bit?" "No, because you would let me win." "Ahh!" "I'm not following you." "You know, you would pretend to lose." "Like, you hit me very lightly, and I say:" ""Ha!" "Is this your worst?"" "Then, I hit you, maybe not so light, and you react, like: "oh!" "argh!" ""Your kung-fu is too strong for me!" "Kwan you are Un-killable!"" ""You are the champion of all!" "Even me!"" "Oh!" "I get it." "It'll be like..." "like a play." "I'll just do little baby punches." "Whoa." "Uh, gotta work on that." "I could be great again." "I could live!" "And not spend my last coin on flowers for my grave." "But I" " I'll do it!" " I knew I could count on you." " Whoa." "Po." "Something in my eye." "Not crying." "Very manly." "Did you see that?" "My lifelong hero totally shook my hand and called me Po, which is my name!" "You don't think he minded me blowing my nose in his beard, do you?" " You're right, she is pretty." " What?" " Hey, I think I left my hat back where the pretty piggy lady is, so I..." " It's on your head." " Ohh!" "Well, look at..." "Okay." "Bye." "Hello?" "Anybody here?" "Bai Li?" "It's, uh, it's me." "Crane." "You shouldn't be here!" "Kwan?" "Kwan!" "You--you're not" "You-- Oh!" "oh, I gotta warn Po." "Bai Li!" "Bai Li, get behind me." "Not safe." "It's Kwan, he" "Monkey!" "help me out!" "I've gotta lose to Kwan, and I can't restrain my awesomeness." "Okay." "Let's say this plate is Kwan's jaw." "Try to stop your punch early." "More early." "Try again." "Keep trying." "What if we run out of plates?" "Pfff!" "We're never gonna run out of plates." "We ran out of plates." "Gah!" "I can't do little baby punches!" "They all come out like big panda punches." " Why do you want to punch a baby?" " What?" "No!" "I just don't want to hurt Kwan in the fight." " I think you're supposed to hurt people in a fight." "It's not a real fight." "It's like a show." "Like a fun show." "No, a fun show is an old man falling down." "Ah!" "I just want to help my hero and lose the fight!" "Po!" "To honor kung fu, you must do your best at all times." "Anything else is cheating." "But, master Shifu, I'm just gonna, you know, do him a little favor." " Which means?" " I'm gonna, like, you know, hold back a little." " Which means?" " I'm not gonna do my best, which means I'm gonna cheat." "Ahh!" "Po. losing is not dishonorable if it is for the right reason." "But, having a Kwan the Un-killable lunchbox with authentic old-milk smell is not the right reason." "Someone's been in my room." "Ahh!" "What am I gonna do?" "I hit him, I'm gonna knock his jaw back to the yuen dynasty." " When was that?" " Like, last week sometime?" "How can I try my hardest, yet still not hit?" " I might have an idea." " Kwan!" "You came up all those stairs to see me?" " I started before dawn." "Perhaps, Po, a master such as yourself might use something to slow down and tame your impressive skills." " Like what?" " Are those iron turtle shells?" "Yeah!" "The iron turtle shells!" "Great idea." "If I wore the iron" " Kwan?" " It's a long way back." "Where am I?" "What?" "Uh, where am I?" "Oh, you're at my little tea party." "Who are you!" "And what have you done with my whatever it is that I don't remember that's mine." "You don't remember anything?" "No!" "You don't remember that maybe you liked me?" "No!" "But, well-- You are sorta my type." "Wow. now-- Now that, you'd think I'd remember." "You know, if you promise not to run away," "I promise not to hit you on the head again." "Hit me on the-- wait." "You're Bai Li." "With the nose." "I-I am remembering something, Something to do with Kwan." "Whoa." "Look at that banner!" "Kwan the Un-killable and the Dragon warrior-- together!" "Too cool." "Monkey, get a quick sketch of this." "Souvenirs!" "Look at this!" "Little stuffed action figures!" "Commemorative cups, silk screened tunics..." "A Po versus Kwan the Un-killable lunchbox!" "With authentic old-milk smell?" "How do they do that in just one day?" "No time." "In the ring." "Hold that for me!" "Kwan's up to something." "I gotta see Po and tell him." "Introducing the main event of the evening..." "Help me with these weights." "He has the power of the ocean!" "The speed of a mountain!" "Those are gonna slow you down." "Hey, I gotta give him a chance." "You know, make a good show." "He is Kwan the Un-killable!" "I mean, he is kind of a feeble old man." "I saw Kwan and he's no feeble old man." "Dragon warrior, time to meet your doom." "Is this part of the show?" "I've been waiting a long time for this, panda." "Wait--uh, what?" "You want to see Po?" "Oh, you'll see him." "Maybe on a doctor's bed..." "after Kwan annihilates him!" "That won't happen!" "Nothing's gonna slow down the Dragon warrior!" "Maybe not the best time to be wearing these." "I've gotta warn my friend." "Give me a minute." "Before this next thing, I want to tell you something." "Your laugh is really annoying!" "Oof!" "Oh, no!" "He's gonna use the ram slam against me!" "Cool!" " Hey!" "Good one!" " Kwan wants to kill you!" "Bai Li kidnapped me and held me prisoner for, like, w-wha... what day is it?" "Is it wednesday?" "I lost track of time." "Wait, what?" "Kwan's trying to kill me?" "Great routine!" "It's not a routine!" "Kwan set Po up!" " No!" " Say wha--who?" "You don't remember, do you?" "Humiliating me?" "Not really." "I humiliate a lot of people." "It was quite some time ago." "I was poised to be a champion, a true warrior!" "After years of working up to it," "I was ready to introduce my finishing move: "the ram slam"!" "Then, out of nowhere, a dumpling took me down." "Your dumpling." "I was a joke." "It was your dumpling that cost me everything." "From then on, I could only get work... by losing." "Help me get these weights off!" "Where you going?" "I'm just getting started!" "That's one!" "Finally." "Gah!" "That's two!" "That's three." "Fight!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Noo!" "Go ahead, Po." "Now you can finish what you started." "You can finally destroy me, once and for all." "Just what you always wanted!" "No!" "Never!" "I never wanted that, ever!" "I was a kid!" "I'm your fan!" "I didn't even know." "I'm sorry." "You're my hero!" "No, I'm sorry, And I'm no hero." "Wait." "You can still be one." "Still be a hero!" " W--how?" " Say: "Ha!" "Is this your worst?"" " What?" " Say, "Ha!" "Is this your worst?"" "Oh!" "I, uh..." "Ha!" "Is this your worst?" "Your kung fu is too strong for me!" "Kwan!" "You are Un-killable!" "You are the champion of all!" "Kwan!" "Kwan!" "Kwan!" "You sure?" "There is no dishonor in losing if it's for the right reason." " And the winner is..." " The Dragon warrior!" "Kwan the Un-killable!" "Thank you, Po." "Is there some way I can make it up to you?" "Actually..." "you could sign my belly."