"(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "(theme song ending)" "Hurry up, honey." "The Littlefields will be here any minute." "Well, how do I look?" "Oh, you look wonderful, dear." "Oh, fine." "How could I look wonderful?" "I have on an old house dress and haven't even done my hair." "Well, why not?" "Well, I thought maybe if I didn't look too good, it would help things along when you ask Mr. Littlefield for that raise tonight." "Now, Lucy..." "Maybe I ought to suck in my cheeks so he'll think we don't get enough to eat." "Now, you listen to me, honey..." "Hmm?" "Look, I don't want you to try any of your crazy stunts tonight." "Honey, you promised me you were going to ask him for a raise." "I will, I will!" "I just don't want you to go pushing me into it." "Ricky, if you're afraid to ask for a raise, you're never going to get it." "I'm not afraid;" "I'll do it." "Well, what are you going to say?" "Let's rehearse." " Rehearse?" " Sure." "You can't leave a thing like this to chance." "Now, look, I'll pretend I'm Mr. Littlefield, and you pretend you're you." "Now, we've finished dinner." "Mr. Littlefield is full of food and he's leaning back, weak, bloated and vulnerable." "(imitating groans of comfort)" "(imitating Littlefield):" "Ricardo, my boy, your wife sure is a good cook." "Go ahead, Ricky, here's where you speak up." "Uh... uh..." "Mr. Littlefield..." "Yes, my boy, what's on your mind?" "Uh..." "I was wondering..." "Yes?" "You couldn't give me any more money next year, could you?" "Well, that ought to sweep him off his feet." "Well, honey, if he wants to give me a raise, that will do it." "Honey, nobody ever wants to give anybody a raise." "You have to demand it." "Now, look, you be Mr. Littlefield, and I'll be you." "Go ahead, sit down." "You're Mr. Littlefield." "All right." "(sighs contentedly)" "My boy, that was a good meal." "Well, Mr. Littlefield," "I want to talk to you about my new contract." "How much of a raise am I getting?" "How much?" "Yes, how much?" "You know, Mr. Littlefield," "I have to decide whether to stay with you or accept one of my many other offers." "I don't have any other offers." "Oh, well, honey, I know that, but Mr. Littlefield doesn't know it." "Now put yourself in his place." "Think." "How would you react, honestly?" "Well, Mr. Littlefield, are you going to top those other offers or do I quit?" "What do you say?" "Don't quit, my boy." "I'll give you the raise." "See?" "Hey, I got the raise!" "That's right." "(laughs)" "What do you know?" "How about that?" "Yeah..." "I just hope that Littlefield sees thins that lowgically." "Don't worry;" "he'll see "thins" that "lowgically."" "Come on, let's go into the parlor and wait for the fly." "(sighs contentedly)" "Oh, that was a wonderful dinner." "Your wife certainly knows how to cook, Ricky." " Oh, thank you." " Mm-hmm." "Phoebe, I want you to get" "Mrs. Ricardo's recipe for that cheesecake." "It was delicious." "Yes, Alvin." "I'd love it, Lucy, if you'll give it to me." "Oh, I'd be glad to." "I'll write it out before you leave." "Did you say something?" "No, no, but Ricky has something to ask you, don't you, dear?" "Uh..." "Oh, no, not really." "It can wait." "No, go ahead, dear." "Yes, Ricky, what is it?" "Well, um..." "Mr. Littlefield..." "Yes?" "(mouthing words)" "Mr. Littlefield, you and I are going to have to have a talk very soon about my new contract." "And there's one thing I have to know and I have to know it right away." "What's that?" "You couldn't give me any more money next year, could you?" "Well... as a matter of fact, Ricky," "I've been thinking over the idea of giving you a raise." "Yes?" "And my boy... it's out of the question." "Why?" "Well, the nightclub business isn't what it used to be-- taxes have come up, things are more expensive." "So, you can see that I'm in no position to give you any more money." "Oh, yes, sir, absolutely, it's out of the question." "You want any more coffee, Mrs. Littlefield?" "Ricky, I guess you're just going to have to accept one of those other offers, then." "(screams)" ""Other offers"?" "Yes, Ricky wasn't going to say anything-- he's so loyal, you know-- but other clubs have been clamoring for him." "Really?" "Oh, oh, I wouldn't say that they're..." "Just the other day a club owner called" "I won't mention any names-- and offered Ricky twice as much money as you're paying him." "It wasn't twice as much." "Oh, no, no, that's right, it was three times as much." "But Ricky said, "No, no, no, if it's at all possible," "I want to stay with good old Mr. Littlefield."" "Didn't you, Ricky?" "Oh, yes, yeah, yeah-- my zact words." "His "zact" words." "Well, that's very flattering." "Well, you understand, Mr. Littlefield" "I don't want to leave." "I want to stay right where I am." "I don't want, I don't want to go anyplace, you know." "I'm happy there." "But the... the people-- they're, they're offering me so much money," "I mean, I, uh..." "I-I don't know what else to do, you know." "I see, I see your problem." "Uh, how many such offers have you had?" " Four." " Twelve." "Um, uh..." "I got eight more this morning." "Oh." "Well, Mr. Littlefield?" "Oh, this is a very difficult decision." "Very difficult, very difficult." "You've been wonderful for the Tropicana." "We... we have a fine personal relationship..." "Yes?" "I can't stand in your way, my boy." "Take one of those other offers." "Onward and upward and you'll get to the top of the heap." "But Mr. Littlefield, you don't understand." "If you don't give Ricky that raise, you'll lose him, he'll quit." "I understand perfectly." "Oh, you do?" "We'll give him one more chance, dear." "Uh..." "Mr. Littlefield, are you sure you don't want to change your mind and snap him up before it's too late?" "No." "No?" "No?" "No!" "N-O." "All right, I quit." "K-W-I-T!" " All right." " All right." " All right." "All right!" "And don't think you're going to get my recipe for cheesecake, either!" "What?" " Lucy." " What?" " What's the meaning of this?" " What?" "This ad in the paper says that Xavier Valdez and his orchestra are opening at the Tropicana Club Thursday night." "Isn't Ricky there anymore?" "No, thanks to a certain bigmouthed redhead." "What are you talking about?" "Well, the other night," "Ricky told Mr. Littlefield that he had to have a raise or he'd quit and I egged him onto it." "And?" "That was some of the rottenest egging I ever did." "Oh, Lucy, how's Ricky taking it?" "Just terrible-- he's done nothing but mope around the house for two days-- won't even get out of his pajamas." " Hi, Ethel." " Hi." "Oh, hi, Ricky." "I'll get your breakfast." "No, no, thank you, thank you." "I want to get downtown." "Oh, that's the spirit, Ricky." "Don't let this get you down-- get out and fight." "You'll be bringing home a check again any day now." "That's right;" "I'm on my way to the unemployment office right now." "Well, how does it feel to be married to an also-been?" "An "also-been"?" "He means a has-ran." "Gee, it's pitiful, Ethel." "I got to do something about getting his job back." "Well, maybe this Xavier Valdez won't work out and Mr. Littlefield will be forced to ask Ricky to come back again." "Wouldn't it be wonderful if nobody showed up for Xavier's opening?" "It would take a miracle, though." "Yeah..." "Wait a minute!" "What?" "I feel a miracle coming on!" "What do you mean?" "Listen, there are 75 tables at the Tropicana." "What if I called as 75 different people and made 75 reservations and then at the last minute got 75 headaches and couldn't make it?" "Hey, that might work out." "Sure, the place would be empty." "I'm going to call the Tropicana right now." "(phone rings)" "Tropicana Club." "(high-toned accent):" "Hello, this is Mrs. Worthington Proudfoot." "I'd like to make a reservation for Thursday evening." "Oh, fine, Mrs. Proudfoot." "You are our first reservation." "Oh, how charming." "Charming, yes." "I'd like a table for eight, please." "Yes..." "Yes, you're welcome." "(laughing)" "It worked!" "Who'll I be now?" "Say, listen, Ethel, why don't you go down and make reservations on your phone?" "That way we'll tie up the line, and nobody else will be able to get a table." " That's a good idea." " Okay." "I think I'll be a celebrity this time." "I'll check with you later." "Okay, honey." "(imitating Tallulah Bankhead):" "Hello, Tropicana, darling?" "I'd like a reservation for Thursday, darling." "Yes, I'd like one of those darling little tables underneath those darling little palm trees, darling." "Yes, darling..." "Good-bye." "(phone ringing)" "Hello, Tropicana." "Yes, we have a nice table for two." "De Ia chopa." "Thank you." "(phone rings)" "Hello, Tropicana." "Yes, Mrs. Thompson." "(phone rings)" " J-Just... one minute, please." "Oh..." "Hello, Mrs. Bennett?" "Y-Yes, would you hold for a second, please?" "Yes, Mrs. Thompson." "All right, Mrs. Bennett, all right, all right." "That's right, that's four at 8:00." "Eight at 10200." "Ten at..." "Oh..." "I'm sorry..." "I'm very sorry." "I'm very sorry..." "No, I didn't mean you." "Mrs., uh, Mrs., uh..." "Mrs., uh..." "Oh!" "Mon dieu!" "(groaning in French)" "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "We'd be delighted to see you." "Good-bye." "Well, how's everything going, Maurice?" "It-lt-lt's amazing, Mr. Littlefield." "We opened the book for reservations two hours ago, and we are completely, completely sold out." "Splendid, splendid." "You know, I..." "I cannot understand it." "This is the first time this has happened in the history of the club." "It's quite clear to me:" "I finally hired someone with talent." "(phone rings)" "Hello, Tropicana Club." "No, I'm very, very sorry, we are all booked up, we are completely sold out." "(laughing):" "Yes, yes." "But it's impossible, madame, that's impossible." "(with Southern drawl):" "Oh, well, are you sure that you don't have just one little table for Scarlett Culpepper?" "Oh, well, I am sorry." "Is that so?" "Well, I declare." "Well, bye now." "Whew!" "(groans)" "Oh, brother..." "I can't make one more phone call." "My finger's all worn down to a nub." "You won't have to;" "they're all sold out." "Good." "Harry and Bess Truman got the last table." "Hey, this'll make Ricky look pretty good, huh, Fred?" "Well, I don't know if it will make Ricky look good but it will certainly make the other guy look bad." "Hey, that's right, Ethel." "We have to make Mr. Littlefield realize that those people aren't showing up because Ricky Ricardo isn't there." "Oh, yeah." "How?" "Gee, I don't know." "I guess we'll just have to go in and sit down at the table and then everybody get up and walk out when we find out Ricky isn't playing there." "Oh, no, we'd be recognized." "Well, not necessarily." "Depends on how we're fixed up." "Sure, we could all be disguised." "Yeah." "But, Lucy, one table of people walking out isn't going to mean anything." "Well, maybe we could go out and come back again a couple of times or something." "How?" "Well..." "Wait a minute." "What?" "I got a pal that's a quick-change artist." "Hal King!" "Yeah, and I'll bet he'd let us borrow all his trick wardrobe." "Well, call him up!" "What are you waiting for?" "Come on!" "Well... everything all set?" "Yes, sir, everything is fine." "Yes, sir, everything is fine." "Ah, wonderful, wonderful." "In a few moments, this room will be filled with 300 jolly, fun-seeking, money-spending revelers." "Psst, psst, they're, they're beginning to arrive." " Good evening." " Good evening." "Do you have a reservation?" "(in high-toned accent):" "Mrs. Worthington Proudfoot and party." "Oh, Yes, yes." "table 29." "Yes, yes." "This way, please." "Charming place." "They changed the decor here." "Is, uh, this satisfactory?" "Oh, yes, everything's fine, thank you." "You know, my dear, you're going to be very impressed with this chap Ricky Ricardo." "Very remarkable chap, Ricky Ricardo." "Oh, I'm sorry, madame." "What about?" "Uh, Ricky..." "Yes, Ricky Ricardo is not here anymore." "Oh, but we have that world-famous entertainer Xavier Valdez." "No Ricky Ricardo?" "!" "But we only came here to hear Ricky Ricardo." "Certainement." "If the Ricardo chap isn't here, we may as well pop off." "Indeed." "Um, um... (stammering)" "Oh, please, please, please wait." "You'll enjoy Xavier Valdez." "He's a lot more clever than Ricky Ricardo." "Please!" "Really... no one is more clever than Ricky Ricardo, peasant." "Where is everybody?" "!" "Well, I don't know." "There was that one group over there, but they walked out." "Yes, yes, I know, I know." "MAURICE:" "Good evening." "(with English accent):" "Mrs. Miriam Chumley and party." "Oh, certainly, table 27." "Ah, this way, please." "Good evening." "Righto, righto." "(in New York accent):" "Hiya." "Good evening." "The rest of my party ain't here yet." "Do you have a reservation?" "Do I have a reservation?" "Ah-ha!" "Of course I have a reservation." "17 people, that's all." "McGillicuddy." "Miss McGillicuddy." "Oh!" "Yes, indeed, yes." " Maurice, Maurice!" " Yes." "Miss McGillicuddy's table, number 11." "The rest of her party will be here shortly." "This way, please, Miss McGillicuddy." "Hiya, Maury." "Fine, thank you." "How are you?" "Fine." "This is your table right here." "I guess I'm a little early." "You know, this is my favorite club." "Y'all always put on a good show here." "I always say that." "I always tell everybody that." "You should hear me." "I always say, "You never get let down if you go and see Ricky Ricardo."" "That's what I always say." "Oh, but, uh, Ricky Ricardo is not here anymore." "Ricky Ricardo ain't here no more?" "!" "Well, I'm getting out of this crummy dump." "Oh, but if you please..." "Please, save your breath." "I beg your pardon." "Did I hear you say that Ricky Ricardo isn't here anymore?" "Yeah, how do you like that?" "Well, I don't like it at all." "Oh, please, please, please," "I assure you if you stay, you won't be disappointed." "Ha!" "My good man, is Ricky Ricardo appearing here tonight or not?" "Well... no." "That's all." "Let me use your telephone." "LITFLEFIELD:" "Please, Mrs. Chumley, no, if you just..." "Say, buster, who's the stupe that let Ricky Ricardo slip through his fingers?" "You?" "Well... yes." "Oh, brother." "Hello, Mary." "This is Miriam." "I just called to tell you not to bother to come to the Tropicana Club tonight." "Ricky Ricardo isn't appearing here anymore." "Yes, I knew you'd want to know." "Oh, no, no, please." "Cancel Mrs. Ackerman's reservation." "But Mrs. Ackerman has a reservation for 30 people!" "I know." "That a girl, Crumley." "Here we go, up and at 'em." "Oh, but ladies, ladies..." "You're jolly well stupid, you know." "Now, do not worry, Mr. Littlefield." "After all, they looked rather strange." "Maybe they did look strange, but they were paying customers." "Hello." "Ah..." "Oh..." "Oh, it's you." "What's the matter, Alvin?" "Well, where is everybody?" "They're all out washing their hands." "Isn't this opening night?" "Aren't you sold out?" "What happened?" "Oh, please, please stop asking so many questions, Phoebe." "Here, here, sit down." "Pretend you're enjoying yourself." "Hmm?" "Well, at least smile." "(chuckles weakly)" "Ohh..." "Uh... good evening." "Do you have a reservation?" "(in nasal accent):" "Oh, of course we have a reservation." "Don't we have a reservation?" "FRED:" "Oh, dear!" "Hazel, look!" "Oh..." "Countess Blueblichki," "Ricky Ricardo isn't playing here tonight." "(in Russian accent):" "Ricky Ricardo is not here anymore?" "Well, Mr. Ricardo finished his engagement here." "Well, where is he playing?" "We'll go there." " Yes." " Yes." "Well, that does it." "Maurice, get Ricky Ricardo on the phone." "If I don't get him back, I'll go bankrupt!" "That's a very smart move, my man." "Yes, yes." "When you get Ricky Ricardo back here, we'll be back again." "Good-bye." "Come, girls." "Gee, I wish Ricky would come home or phone or something." "Didn't his note say he'd phone?" "No, it just says..." "it says" ""Mr. Littlefield called and wanted to talk to me." "I think he wants to hire me back."" "Oh, hiya, folks!" "FRED AND ETHEL:" "Hi, Ricky." "Hi, honey." "How's everybody?" "We got your note." "What happened?" "Oh, Lucy, you should have seen what happened." "No kidding." " Listen, I went down to the Tropicana." "Yeah." "And there wasn't one single solitary soul in the place." "LUCY:" "No?" "And not only that, but Maurice told me that the few people that came in, as soon as they found out that I wasn't there... out they went." "Fantastic." "My goodness." "Boy!" "Well, I guess I didn't realize how popular I am." "What did Mr. Littlefleld say?" "Does he want you back?" "Does he want me back?" "I'll say he does." "He offered me twice as much money as I was getting before." "Really?" "When do you start?" "I dun't." "You "dun't"?" "What do you mean?" "Well, why should I work for him?" "If I'm that popular," "I can write my own ticket anyplace in town!" "Oh, no!" "(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Mr. Littlefield was played by Gale Gordon" "Mrs. Littlefield by Edith Meiser and William was played by Maurice Marsac." "I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production."