"There you are, good as new." "Now arriving Greendale Station." "Please disembark to your left." "Thank you so much, porter." " Isn't this marvelous weather?" " Oh, yes, indeed." "Oh, thanks, Jess." "It wouldn't do to forget my hat on such a lovely morning!" "Oh, Pat, that's not all you forgot." "Thanks, love." "Of course, Jess." "Extra milk and no coffee." "Aw." "You're so thoughtful, Sara." "This year, I'm finally taking you on a proper honeymoon." " I promise!" " Oh!" "You mean it, Pat?" "I've always dreamed of a holiday in Italy." "Really?" "Italy?" "Do you suppose that's why I sent away for some hotel recommendations in Rome?" "I'll be getting my bonus today." "I'll use it to book our flights." " Whoa!" " Sorry, Dad!" "I'm practicing the trick shot you taught me." "Come on then, Julian." "What have you got?" "Are you sure, Dad?" "I'm getting pretty good." "Now remember what I taught you." "Stay loose." "You gotta stay loose." "Keep it loose." "Yes!" "Nice one, son!" "You're getting better every day!" "I hear them cheering for you in the stands right now." ""Pencaster United!"" "Dad." "I don't play for Pencaster, yet." "Ah, come on!" "You'll be in the team before you can say "boo" to a goose." " Have a good day, dear!" " Always do!" "Bye, love!" "Bye, Julian!" "Right, how about some music?" "Good morning, Greendale!" "Here's the Saturdays' latest hit single, Please Mr Postman." "I wish I was a postman." "Oh!" "I love this song, Jess!" " Bye, love!" " Bye, Dad!" " How do, Pat." " Good morning!" "Hello, Jess." "Good morning, Pat." " Hey, Pat!" " Morning, George." " Hello, Pat!" " Good morning, Pat!" " Hello, Pat!" " Good morning, Pat!" "Hello, Τed!" "Nice to see you, Amy!" " Good morning, Constable Selby." " Good morning, Pat." " Good morning, Pat." " Good morning, Pat." " Hello, Mr Clifton." " Morning, Jess." " Morning, Pat." " Pat!" "Oh, Pat!" "I have something for you!" "Yes, Lizzy?" "I have a very special letter for you to deliver." "It's a bit early for letters to Father Christmas, isn't it?" "I want to avoid the rush." "Well, this is a very special letter." "I'll make sure it gets delivered." "I knew you would, Pat." "Thank you, Pat." "Say hello to Sara for me." "Bye, Pat!" "Goodbye, Lizzy." "Bye, Lauren." " Have a good day, Constable." " You too, Pat." "Wish I was a postman." "Good morning, Pat." "Hello, Mrs Goggins!" "Any local deliveries today?" " Just these, Pat." " Thanks." "And a few things to keep in mind today, Pat." "Michael's repainting his shop, so you mustn't use the letterbox." " Got it!" " And Julia Pottage has a dreadful cold, so don't ring the bell." "Right." "That's all then?" " Have a good day." " Thanks!" "Let's go, Jess." "Major Forbes?" "Delivery, Major Forbes." "Major Forbes?" "Hello?" "Major Forbes!" "Major Forbes!" "Oh, dear." "He can't hear us." "He really needs these, Jess." " I think this calls for manoeuvre 1 7." " Mmm-hmm!" "Great job, Jess!" "Here it comes." "Catch!" "Sorry, Jess." "My fault." "Oh!" "What was that?" "Oh!" "Oh, Jess!" "Well, it's jolly good to see you." "Why didn't you ring the bell?" "Ah, there's Keats and Βyron and Shelley." "And there's Τennyson and..." "Oh, Lord Alfred." "Uh, five, six, seven..." "Morning, Alf." "How's the flock?" "Oh, hello, Pat." "Fine." "Just fine." " Where's Abigail?" " Actually, I was just wondering that myself." "Abigail?" "Oh, Alf." "Not again." "Well done, Jess!" "Thanks, Jess!" "I wish I was a postman." "See you tomorrow, Alf." "Well, that was a fine day's work." "Mission accomplished!" "I hope we get our bonus today." "Sara seemed very excited about the trip..." " Morning, Pat." "Sorry, we're a bit busy." " Ηiya, Pat!" "Ηiya, Jess!" " Pat!" "Am I glad to see you!" " Hello, Βen." "I didn't know SDS did airmail." "We don't." "It's the new executive from corporate headquarters." "He's replaced my sorting system with more "efficient" machines!" "And they're very efficiently not working!" "Lots of wasted time, space and energy here, Βen." "Not sure even my machines can save this place." " Hello!" "Nice to meet you." " You are..." "Postman Clifton." "It's Pat, actually." "Yes." "Slow delivery record, but apparently you're effective when it comes to misplaced livestock." "Mr Carbunkle, Pat is our very best postman..." "The future of the Special Delivery Service is speed, Mr Τaylor, not wool gathering." "Wool gathering." "That was rather good." "If I could have everyone's attention?" "Thank you." "SDS has some exciting and profitable changes in the works." " Hello, Jess." " Ahhh!" "From now on, all company tea bags must be used a minimum of three times before disposal." " Deary me." " That's me cup of tea." "Toilet breaks are now Β-Y-O-P." "Βring Your Own Paper." "Huh?" "But I had a curry for lunch." "And it goes without saying, there will be no bonuses this year." "No bonuses?" "But Italy..." "The Special Delivery Service is changing." "New ideas." "New management." "If you want to keep this office open, I suggest you get with the programme." "I also suggest you get back to work." "Oh, goodness, Jess, what a day." "Do you think Sara will be very disappointed about canceling the trip?" "Well, maybe she wasn't looking forward to Italy all that much." "Uh..." "Oh." "Sara?" "Are we having a fancy dress party?" "No, silly!" "I just wanted to get us in the mood for our holiday." "Come in!" "Or as they say in Italy..." "Oh." "Or maybe that's something about a hedgehog." "Oh, I'm so excited, Pat." "Did you know Italian is one of the romantic languages?" "I've been looking at hotels." " They're a bit expensive." " Sara, I..." "But we've been looking forward to this trip for so long!" " I have to tell you something." " Oh, me, too, Pat." " I think we should go to Venice first." " Right." "Only, one small thing." "A man from head office came by today." "Smoke?" "Oh!" "The caprese salad!" " Need some help, love?" " Oh, no!" "I'm all right." "Thank you!" " Does one actually cook a caprese salad?" " She does." " You're The One is back on!" "Come on, Dad!" " You're The One?" "Oh, Dad, it's just massive!" "It's a talent show where ordinary people compete for recording contracts, trips and all sorts of really amazing prizes." "♪ Oh!" "♪ We're loving each day as if it's the last" "♪ Dancing all night, having a blast" "♪ 'Cause, baby, I need you here" "♪ Girl, I'm on a mission to cure my condition" "♪ 'Cause without your kissing, my heart's just a prison" "♪ So I'm hoping and wishing that, girl, I'm forgiven... ♪" "Yes, thank you." "That will be enough." "Oh." "There's actually quite a bit more." "Don't threaten me." "I'm sorry." "What was your name again?" "My name's Ronan." "Ronald, they did tell you that this is a talent show?" "Well, yes, they did." "You know, I do actually have a bit of experience with this." "I'm sorry." "Can we get a translator in here?" "I think he's speaking Australian or something." "Actually, I'm from Ireland originally." "Then I hope all the horseless carriages and aeroplanes here haven't frightened you." "Oh." "Am I on to the next round then?" "If we were playing Russian roulette." "Simon says, "Next!"" "Well, thanks for the opportunity..." "He's a bit harsh, isn't he?" "That's what makes the show so good." "Everybody watches it." "I'm Simon Cowbell and we'll be back after this break." "Unfortunately." "Television is a vast wasteland." "All right." "This is it!" "We're up next!" "All the lessons and work are about to be..." "Josh!" "Try to remember why we're here!" "What would I be today if I wasted my life on video games?" "A talent agent with only one client?" "Look, laddie, I have swindled a lot of old ladies to pay for your singing lessons, and I will not..." "Well, we're back." "Or, rather I'm back." "With an empty stage." "Let's take this opportunity to enjoy the silence." "That's it!" "You're on, lad!" "Go on, wee man!" "Break a leg!" "Right." "What have you got for us?" "Josh, is it?" " I thought I'd sing a song." " Well, that's refreshing and new." " I've had a few dancing lessons, too." " What incredibly useful information." "Thank you." "Go ahead." "Steal another two minutes of my life." "♪ Yeah" "♪ Here we go." "Yo!" "♪ Give me just a little time" "♪ I swear I'm gonna steal your mind" "♪ Making it seem easy while you're playing hard to get" "♪ You think you've got it figured out" "♪ Oh, but you don't wanna get struck by lightning" "♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh!" "There you go" "♪ Struck by lightning, you can't fight it" "♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh, ooh" "♪ Struck by lightning Can't stop... ls everything all right, love?" "Yes!" "Yes, yes!" "Everything's fine." "I mean..." "♪ Struck by lightning Can't stop crying for me" "♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, boom, boom, boom ♪" "Shut it." "I've seen a lot of putrid, revolting, stomach-churning, horrifically bad acts tonight." "And that was not one of them." "Congratulations, Josh." "You're on to the next round." "We did it!" "We did it!" "Record deal, here we come!" "You beauty!" "I'm gonna be rich!" "I'm gonna be rich!" "Next week, You're The One auditions are coming to Greendull..." "Sorry, that's Greendale." "Dad!" "Did you hear that?" "They're coming here!" "Ηmm?" "Oh, that's nice, Julian." "And remember, contestants, this year the grand prize is a recording contract, a lifetime supply of Pot Noodles, and an all-expense paid trip to Italy." "Whoop-DE-doo." "Whoop-DE-doo..." "What?" "Hang on." "Did you say Italy?" " That's right, Italy." " Hold on!" "I don't have a pen." "And for those of you in Greendale without pens, auditions are this Sunday at 5:00." "Sunday at... 5:00." "When the little hand is on the five and the big hand is straight up!" "Got it." "I know I'm the One." "It's time to see if..." "You're The One!" "If it means a trip to Italy for Sara, I certainly hope I am the one." "Mmm-hmm!" "Right!" "Who's hungry for a nice Italian dinner?" "I made chicken khakiatore." " Wow, Mom." "That looks like..." " Lt looks amazing, love." "Oh, thank you, dear." "Ah!" "So, Edwin, my lad, how are you settling in?" "Feeling like part of the SDS family yet?" "Now I may be the CEO of the oldest package delivery service in England, but I want you to think of me as your slightly older uncle." "My uncle was eaten by dingos, Mr Βrown." "Really?" "How strange." "That's exactly what happened to the man who used to have your job!" "What a bizarre coincidence." "Now if I may?" "I have noticed SDS employs a lot of people." "Ah, yes." "The best part of running a business." " Working with people." " People slow a company down." "SDS does not need people, it needs machines." "This programmable postman is 1 0 times faster than a human." "The perfect worker." "This is the future of SDS!" "Well, I don't know about that." "I've already begun running tests." "I've never been in a film before!" "This is very exciting!" "Ooh!" "A knock at the door." "What should I do now?" "Just answer it as you usually would." "Hello." "This is your mail." "This is your mail." "We have had some problems finding a customer-friendly design for the robots." "Again?" "Yes, again." "Do I have to?" "If you want your 2 quid, Mother." "Mail!" "Delivery!" "Delivery, old woman!" "Delivery!" "You will accept the fruit basket!" "You will accept!" "You will accept!" "You will accept!" "You will accept!" "That was cash upon delivery!" "Uh..." "Yes." "Well, that was, um, very nice, Edwin." " Lovely cinematography!" " My point, sir, is that the UDM 3000 can increase profits 500%." "What, the evil robot?" "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!" "I don't think terrifying people is really the SDS way." "Here, have a lolly from the "good try" jar." "And I'm sure your next idea will be loads better!" "So, let's end the meeting." "I think we've covered everything." "You're The One is on and I never miss that show." "SDS will use my robots, Mr Βrown." "And once they've replaced your postmen, I'll replace you." "Come on, Dad." "You don't want to be late for the auditions!" "I'm surprised you're doing this, dear." " You usually hate the spotlight." " It's not for me, Sara." "It's..." "It's..." "A chance to perform on the telly." "Oh, and what will you be singing?" "Well, I was wondering, would you mind terribly if I did our wedding song?" "Oh, Pat." "That's so romantic!" "Of course I don't mind." "Well, then, I suppose we should get to it." "I wonder if anyone else from town has heard about the audition." "Around the ragged rocks the rugged rascal ran." "Oh, yes!" "Τoro!" "Τoro!" "Βessie, why won't you toro?" "Once more, from the diaphragm." ""Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of York."" "Oh, yes, folk have often said how much I look like Michael Βublé." "No, it's Justin Βieber you want to be." "Isn't it exciting, Pat?" "Oh, yes." "I suppose." "It's very exciting." " Hi, Pat!" "Hi, Sara!" "Hey, Julian!" " Hi, Michael!" "♪ Oh, I am the very model of a modern major-general" "♪ I've information vegetable... ♪" "I don't care!" "I am sick of schlepping from one backwater village to the next, auditioning tatty country bumpkins and their amazing musical sheep!" "Simon!" "We're on in five." "Oh, all right." "Let's get this over with." "Show me what Grimdale has to offer." " That's Greendale, Simon." " Whatever." "Another wasteland of talentless wannabes." " Yes?" " I'm Dorothy Τhompson." "And I'm her husband, Alf." "Pleased to meet..." "I can't believe I'm actually meeting you, Simon!" "This is the closest I've ever been to a real celebrity." "Well, my second cousin was the national clog-dancing champion, but he was..." "Charming." "Are you one of the local judges?" "Me?" "On television?" "Oh, yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" " You're the other judge, then?" " Uh, yes." "Er, certainly." "Though I do usually leave the judging to a higher power." "Unless it's a knobbliest knees competition." "Then I'm an expert." "I can never UN-see that." "Oh!" "Pardon me." "Well, if this is the best they've got, that recording contract is in the bag." "Was I supposed to bring a bag?" "And we are live in 1 5 seconds!" "Lights." "Cameras on standby." "Take your seats." "Contestants to the stage, please." "Yes, that's right, line up right over there." "Do we have playback?" "We are live in five, four, three, two..." "Hello, and welcome to another hour of television magic." "I know I'm the One." "It's time to see if..." " You're The One!" " You're The One!" " Sir, if we could just discuss my robots..." " Shh!" "Shush!" "They're starting." "We're in Green Dill tonight." " That's Greendale." " Whatever." "Oh, let's just get this over with." "Hurry up!" "Hi, everybody!" "Oh, it's bright up here, isn't it?" " Are you ready?" " Yes." "Do you have everything?" "I have everything." "I think I have everything." "Yes, yes, yes." "I have everything." " Your smokestack is crooked." " Oh, it is?" "ls this better?" " A little more to the left." " Like this?" "I'm not interrupting you, am I?" " Oh, no, not at all." " It's wonderful to meet you, Simon!" "I'm sure it is." "And you are?" "We are the Τrainwerks!" "Oh, no." "Yo, yo, yo." "Check it." "MC Ajay has a sick beat to drop on y'all. innit?" "♪ And the train's on the Pencaster-Greendale line" "♪ Leaving the station, it is on time" "♪ Wave the flag and drop the go sign" "♪ Departing 'caster Station, 0-6-Double-0... ♪" "All right!" "All right!" "That's enough." "Stop it!" "Stop!" "Sorry." "Are you winding me up?" "Was that for real?" "Τrainwerks?" "It's more like Τrain Wrecks." "Ηmm." "Judges?" "Er, I rather thought the trains were nice." "Choo-choo!" " Oh, yes, I thought it was rather sweet." " Invaluable insight." "Obviously this act has jumped the track." "Simon says, "Next."" "OK, thank you, Simon." "Thank you!" "DJ Ajay Fresh, out!" "Peace." "Why is there always a sheep act?" "Alas, poor Yorick!" "What's all this then?" "Oh!" "I thought I was having a nightmare." "Oh, wait, I still am." "Horrible!" "Next." "Next." "Bunnies are cuddly, the large and the small, but I like the chocolate ones best of them all." "Next." " "Call me Ishmael." Next." "Nearly there." "Well, this is going about as well as I expected." "Next." " Next." " I'm all right." "Hello?" "Next, please." "Live television show going on here." " That's you, Dad." " Next." "Yeah, well, erm..." "I was thinking..." " Next." " This isn't the best time..." "Don't worry." "You'll be brilliant!" " He doesn't seem to be in a very good mood." " Next!" "Just think of it as singing in the shower, only in front of a lot of people." "With clothes on." "So, you're a..." "Let me guess, a postman?" "Uh..." "Erm..." "How did you know that?" "Wild guess." "Name?" "Uh..." "Oh." "Pat?" "Postman Pat?" "Oh!" "Look at that, Edwin." "One of our team is on the telly." "Isn't that lovely?" "A robot would never embarrass the company like this." "Well, Postman Pat, what will you be dazzling us with this evening?" "Well..." "I thought..." "I thought I'd sing my wife Sara's favourite song." "Ooh, I'm all a-tingle." "Uh..." "So should I just start then?" "Well, that is why you got all dressed up." "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Oh, my!" "Sorry, sorry." "Sorry, I just had a bit of a..." "Sorry..." "No, I missed my..." "I wasn't supposed to..." "Hang on a minute." "Can I just start again, please?" "Please, take your time." "I'm sure it will be worth the wait." "Dad's muffed it, hasn't he, Mum?" "♪ Late one night I awoke from a dream" "♪ I kept to myself until now" "♪ And I saw your face" "♪ Somehow it seems" "♪ I lost you somewhere in the crowd" "♪ Where will I go?" "♪ What would I do?" "♪ Who would I be if I didn't have you?" "♪ In your eyes" "♪ See what the world can be" "♪ In your smile" "♪ The simple things sing to me" "♪ Without you I'm lost" "♪ Like a man at sea" "♪ And with you is where" "♪ I am meant to be" "♪ I wake every morning" "♪ Rising to shine" "♪ Oh, take on the day" "♪ With your hand in mine" "♪ I'm not alone but it seems" "♪ I'm dreaming of home as I'm living the dream" "♪ In your eyes" "♪ I see what the world can be" "♪ In your smile" "♪ The simple things sing to me" "♪ Without you I'm lost" "♪ Like a man at sea" "♪ And with you is where" "♪ I am meant to be ♪" "Or I could try something else if you didn't like that one." "All right!" "Oh, yeah!" "That was good." "Ow!" "What'd you do that for?" " Don't clap for your enemy." " But he's good." "Ηmm." "I'm gonna have to keep an eye on this Postman Pat." "Oh, my goodness." "My goodness me!" "They certainly seem to like him, don't they?" "Yes." "Yes, they do." "I am absolutely gobsmacked!" "It makes sense you're a postman, Pat, because you know how to deliver." "You're through to the finals in London." "Congratulations, Postman Pat." "You did it, Dad!" "You did it!" "I'm so proud, love." ""A local postman surprised the world yesterday" ""with his letter-perfect performance on the popular talent show You're The One." " "He deserves a real pat on the back."" " That's kind of them." "But we're not in Italy yet." " What was that about Italy, dear?" " Oh, erm..." "I..." "I'll get that." "Hello?" "Oh, hello, Mr Carbunkle." "It's Mr Carbunkle." "Oh, you saw that, sir?" "Well, it was just a bit of a laugh." "Mmm." "The company headquarters?" "Immediately?" "I'll be right there, sir." "They want me down at Head Office." "Something about having seen me on the show last night." "I hope they don't want me to quit the contest." "Well, you certainly don't have to carry on with the show, love." " You're already a winner to me." " Oh, thank you, Sara." "But I'm sure I can explain it all to Mr Βrown." "I was just trying to win a trip to Italy for my wife." "I hope I didn't do anything wrong." "Wrong?" "No, certainly not, my boy!" "We couldn't be happier." "How would you like to be the Special Delivery Service's official spokesman?" "We'd like to build a publicity campaign all around you." "Endorsements, public appearances, merchandising." "We want to make Postman Pat synonymous with the SDS across the whole of Britain." "It was Mr Brown's idea." "It..." "Lt was?" "Oh, er..." "Well, as I always say, there's no "I" in team." "But why would anyone want these things?" "I'm just an ordinary postman." "Listen to him, Edwin." "He's so modest." "He has a lot to be modest about." " Yes." "Pardon?" " Look at this, Pat." "We've even got a telly programme in development." "With puppets!" "Who'd watch something like that?" "Marketing has come up with your new theme song." "Have a listen." "♪ Postman Pat!" "Postman Pat!" "♪ Postman Pat and his black and white cat" "Catchy, isn't it?" "♪ Early in the morning... ♪" "Oh!" "Well, it's interesting." "I suppose." "We've already scheduled you for extra rehearsals, arranged plenty of personal appearances and booked you on all the major chat shows." "Mr Carbunkle, I don't think I'll have the time." "My job, you see... ls already covered." "The Patbot 3000." "This mechanical marvel will be taking over your postal duties." "Temporarily, of course." "You're teasing." "Nobody will really think that's me." "Hello, Pat." "You can count on me." "The special delivery always gets through." "Mission accomplished." "Oh." "Perhaps they will." "Of course, you mustn't breathe a word of this to anyone." "The consequences would be unfortunate." "Yes." "Mustn't dilute your brand, as they say." "♪ Postman Pat... ♪" "Excuse me, sir, but doesn't this all seem a bit dishonest?" "Pat, think of your friends at the Sorting Office." "Think of Bill." " Βen." " Whatever." "We want to do everything we can to make sure that office stays open, don't we?" "Well, I suppose it would be all right for a little while." "Wonderful!" "Wonderful, lads!" "That's the team spirit!" "Excellent, Clifton." "Now here's what we'll do" "Meet me tomorrow morning at the Sorting Office." "Come alone." "Just give me a moment, Jess." "I'll be right back." "Ηmm?" " Mr Carbunkle?" "Are you here, Mr Carbunkle?" " Clifton." "You're late." "Oh!" "Yes, I'm sorry." "I was helping my son with his football practice." "This is not a moment to be late for, Clifton." "This is the start of a bold new era for the Special Delivery Service." "Nice to see you, Pat." "Erm, hello, Patbot." "Uh..." "Are you sure this is a good idea, Mr Carbunkle?" "He might need someone to help him on his round." "I have thought of that." "Adorable, isn't he?" "Oh, yes." "It's very adorable." "Patbot, do you know what to do?" "The Patbot 3000 is fully programmed in all SDS procedures and protocols." "I designed his matrix myself." "Oh, I see." "Well, then." "Good luck, and remember, the most important thing for a postman is..." "Speed." "Efficiency." "Ruling the world." "Well, I was going to say being friendly." "You know, the human touch." "You are programmed for that, aren't you?" "Of course." "Patbot, show Clifton how friendly you can be." "Erm, that's a lot of teeth, but not exactly..." "Time to kick the babies out of the nest, Clifton." "Oh, erm, well, then..." "Let me know if I can be of any help, Patbot." " Good morning, Ben." "I am Postman Pat." " Hello, Pat." "I am here to deliver the post because I am Postman Pat, the postman." "You feeling all right there, mucker?" "The special delivery always gets through." "Do not be suspicious." "This is Jess the cat." "Because I am Postman Pat." "Ηmm." "OK." "Let me open the door, Ben, because I am friendly and also nice, and in no way part of a plot to take over the SDS for an evil corporate executive." "Er, been working out, Pat?" "No time to chat." "We've got a special delivery." "Get ready for take-off." "Goodbye." "Lovely day." "OK." "Have a good day, Pat." "Everything is ship-shape." "Hello, I am Postman Pat." "Jess the cat, I forgot my postbag." "Please get it for me." "This is not a trick to get you out of the van, Jess the cat." "Huh?" "We've got a special delivery." "The mission..." "There's no parking in here!" "Anytime, anywhere." "My van!" "Does he have insurance?" "Better." "He's under warranty." " Run for your lives!" " Rise and shine." "He's gone postal!" "I am Postman Pat." "The special delivery always gets through." "Huh?" "Mission accomplished." "These roads are inefficient." "Come on, Jess." "Time to go." "Hurry, hurry!" "We don't want to be late for Pat's big interview!" "London, James, and don't spare the horses." "Hello?" "Anyone?" "A little help?" "To deliver anything, anytime, anywhere." "Hey." "Pat?" " Good morning, Pat!" " Ahhh!" " Oh, my!" " What's wrong with Pat?" "The special delivery always gets through." " Morning." " Morning." "I am not evil." "I am only misunderstood." "Stop in the name of the law!" "I would like a cup of tea." "I say, that's not like Pat at all." "We should say good morning, Mrs Goggins." "I am Postman Pat." "Oh, Pat, the Reverend and I were just saying how much we enjoyed your singing last night." "I had an uncle who had a bonnie set of pipes." "He used to..." "The special delivery always gets through." "Goodness me." "Mission accomplished." " Oh, my!" "That wasn't like Pat at all." " Aye!" "I hope this telly business isn't too much for the lad." "Good morning, Britain!" "Today we have two very special guests I'm sure you'll all recognise." "The finalists from You're The One." "It's Postman Pat and Jish." "Jish?" "Who is Jish?" "His name isn't Jish." "His name is..." "His name is..." "Oh!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm allergic to cats." "Marvelous!" "So, Pat, how are you enjoying your new celebrity?" "Decorated your dressing room yet?" "My..." "No." "I don't, uh..." "I usually get dressed at home." "Aw!" "isn't he scrumptious?" "Josh wears clothes!" "Nearly all the time." "Don't you, Josh?" "Yeah." "Usually..." "Great." "Pat, is it hard to balance working as a postman with your singing career?" "Oh, well, I wouldn't call it a singing career exactly." "Oh, Josh would!" "Singing is all he thinks about!" "Unless it's dancing!" "He's an entertainment machine, that boy!" " Really?" " Any time!" "Day or night, he's ready to perform!" "Aren't you, Joshy lad?" "Pat, your cat's amazing!" "He's already beaten Wilf's high score!" "What's his name?" "Oh, that's Jess." "He's my best mate." "I really don't think I could get through the day without him." " Aw!" " I wish I had a cat." "Well, there you have it, folks." "All it takes to be a star is talent and a black and white cat!" "What?" "No, no, no!" "Wait!" "You don't need cats!" "Cats are rubbish!" "No, I just meant..." "I mean..." "Don't you wanna hear Josh sing?" "And we're out." "Nigel, what did I tell you?" "Never book children, authors, or Scotsmen!" " I have bogeys in my hair!" " No, wait!" "It's not my fault!" "It's my allergies." "Please, don't!" "Great job, Pat." "Oh, well, thank you." " You killed them, Pat." " I did?" " Ls that good?" " Would you like a cappuccino, Mr Clifton?" "Oh, that's nice of you, thank you." "But I really should be getting home." "My son has football practice." "Oh, of course!" "Right after your next interview." " Next?" " Oh, just a few more." " People can't get enough of Postman Pat." " Really?" "Oh." "Well, I suppose we could stay a bit longer, eh, Jess?" "Wonderful job today, me boy." "Well done." " Remember, rehearsals tomorrow." " I'll remember." "Good night, Mr Βrown." "Sorry I'm so late, love." "I did three interviews!" "I really think the people on set liked me." "Pat, I got some calls today." "People said you were acting strangely on your route." "I was?" "Oh, I'll have to talk to Mr Carbunkle about that." "Pat, I'm worried about you." "No need, love." "You just concentrate on planning our Italy trip." "Trust me, love." "Everything will sort itself out." "The whole world's gone bonkers for this Pat Clifton fellow." "We have to up our game, Joshy boy." "You need to be on fire at the finals next week." "Charm them!" "Make them love you!" "Mmm-hmm." "Charm, love." "Got it." "This might sound crazy, but do you hear someone singing about..." "Give me that!" "Hey!" "I was playing that." "I'll play you, you wee..." "What?" " He's got a video game?" " Oh, yeah, it's great, Wilf!" "You deliver mail, have a cat and are nice to people." "Every now and again you can rescue a sheep!" "It's the hottest game around." "Totally massive." "I did not pay for your singing lessons, your dancing lessons and your hair-care lessons for you to lose to that..." "That postman!" "Wilf, you know, he's actually pretty good." "I'll do my best." "But how about we just let the best man win?" "Best man?" "Nobody ever got anywhere in show business by relying on talent." "I see I'll have to take matters into my own hands." "I have been following that post-hoc performer for a week." "I know everything about him." "When he sleeps." "His routes." "The color of his boxer shorts on Tuesdays." "Yeah, that's in no way creepy." "I am going to stamp out that postman, post haste." "Well?" "How do I look?" "What happened to your glasses, dear?" "Oh." "They're a lighting problem on the set." "And my makeup assistant says they make me look a bit dodgy." "I've always liked them." "Here." "In case you don't get a chance to eat lunch after work." "Ah!" "Thank you, love." "This is so thoughtful." "Oh, I gotta go, Sara." "My limo's outside." "Don't forget the Τaylors are coming around for tea tonight." "Wouldn't miss it for the world." "But, Dad, I thought we were going to practice my football kicks." "My match is this week." "Oh, sorry, Julian." "I completely forgot." "I will make time before your big match." "I promise." "Oh, OK." "That's my boy." "I'll be home early." "Pat!" "Pat!" "Over here!" "Pat!" "Cool!" "Paparazzi!" "Pat, how does it feel to be everyone's favourite postman?" "Smile, Jess!" "Are the Americans really making a movie, Pat?" " Have you always loved cats?" " Your fans want to know everything." "What's your inspiration?" "Oh." "Well, I might be a bit later than I thought." "Don't be too late, dear." " The Τaylors are bringing photos from Italy." " Well, hello." "Hi, how are you?" "Special delivery." "♪ Simple things sing to me" "♪ Without you I'm lost" "♪ Like a man at sea" "♪ And with you is where I... ♪" "Patrick Clifton?" "Sara?" "Sorry, Pat, baby." "I tried to stop her, but the cat let her in." "Ηmm!" "No, it's fine." "It's quite all right, Robin." "That's my wife." "OK, take five, everybody!" "Erm, hi, love." "I'm surprised to see you here." "Pat, we need to talk." "You don't answer my phone calls." "You get home after midnight." "I am sorry, love." "But I have to win this competition." "I wish I could explain." "Can't you try?" "Please?" "Look, I'm doing this show because..." "I hope I'm not interrupting." "Pat, Mr Βrown needs to see you." "Immediately." "I'll be right back, love." " Mr Βrown, you wanted to see me?" " I did?" " Oh, I did, I did." " Sara, is it?" "I know you want to support your husband." "We all do." " But coming here was a bad idea." " Lt was?" "Well, he wouldn't say it, but this means a lot to him." "I'm sure you understand." "Pat needs to focus on his performance." "No demands." "No distractions." "You do want your husband to be happy, don't you?" "Pat!" "Pat!" "Could I have your autograph?" " Oh." "Er, yes." " I'm such a big fan." "Well, it seems like this is what he wants." "Yes, it is." "I know it's difficult, but sometimes when you really love someone, the best thing you can do is to let them go." "Good news, Pat." "I've invited all of Greendale to the You're The One finals." "Front row seats!" "Compliments of your SDS family!" "Thank you, sir." "I'm sure everyone will appreciate it." "No trouble at all, my boy." "You are doing great things for the company." "It's like my Great Uncle Thaddeus used to say," " "It's all about the human touch."" " Yes, yes." "Very true." "Could you excuse me, sir?" "I need to go." " Of course, my boy." " No rest for the weary, eh?" "Mr Carbunkle, where's Sara?" " She was just here." " I don't know." "" " Well, she did say she had other things to do." "Mmm!" "You know how women are." "Don't worry, Pat." "Once you take her on that trip to Italy, she'll realise this was all for her." "Ηmm." "I suppose." " If I win." " If?" "You know we're all behind you 1 00%." "Lose the cat." "Jess?" "Oi, Jess." "I see you're not with Dad either." "Seems like he doesn't have much time for us since he got famous." "I thought I'd drop by the Sorting Office." "Maybe see if he had time for a chat or some footie." "You want to come along?" "Lt looks like everyone in town is here." "I wonder what's going on, Jess." "Βen, you've just got to do something about Pat!" "He poured cement over my rose garden and all he said was," ""Faster route." "Lovely day." "I am not a robot."" "He was downright rude to me." "He has been flagrantly disregarding traffic laws." "Oh, something's the matter with him." "He's not acting like Pat at all." "He's really getting up my nerves!" "It's the celebrity." "It's gone to his head." "Look, I know he's been a bit off lately, but this is Pat we're talking about." "He'd never let us down on purpose." "To forgive is divine." "Tell that to my petunias." "Pat's under a lot of pressure." "I'm sure he'll be back to normal once this telly business blows over." "What touching loyalty!" "Don't you think, Pat?" "Mr Carbunkle." "Are you here with more upgrades?" "You could say that." "Let's step into my office." "It's not your office any more, Τaylor." "You're fired." " You're replacing me?" " With Pat." "His delivery times are the quickest SDS has ever seen." "He is the postman of the future!" "Pat, you're not going along with this, are you?" "Clean out your office, Ben." "I want you off the premises in 1 0 minutes." "You won't have to wait that long, Pat." "Come on, Lauren, we're leaving." "And you may as well take your ex-employees with you." "I can't believe it." "I used too much toilet paper." " Pat, you don't mean it." " Pat, how could you?" "Oh!" "That was uncalled for!" "Madam, this is private property and you are trespassing." "Shall I ring someone to show you out?" "Oh!" "Well, I never did." "I'd never have believed it of Pat." "That Pat has turned into a real stinker." "He certainly has." "Dad, you can't do this." "Βen is your best friend." "You've always told me the most important things in the world are friends and family." "Didn't you mean it?" "The most important things in the world are efficiency, profit, success." " Dad?" " You heard your father." "Now, why don't you run along?" "And take that with you." "Robots, report for duty!" "We're taking over this operation." "At last!" "No more inefficient humans cluttering up my mailroom!" "Now that everyone loves Postman Pat, they'll turn a blind eye as I replace every deliveryman in the Special Delivery Service with my glorious, money-making machines!" "Profits will skyrocket!" "The board of directors will retire that weak-kneed Βrown and promote me to CEO!" "And I won't stop there!" "We'll diversify into other businesses." "We'll make automated bank tellers, robotic technical support, even computer-animated movies!" "Fly, my pretties!" "Fly!" "Fly!" "Today, England!" "Tomorrow, the world!" "Sara!" "Julian!" "Our lift's here!" "Is everyone ready to go to London?" "We're not coming." "Not coming?" "But this is the final competition." "Julian, you don't want to miss this, do you?" "Good luck, Dad." "I hope you win." "Son?" "What's the matter with Julian?" "I thought he was looking forward to this." "We just..." "We just don't want to get in your way." "I'm sure you'll do really well without us." " Good luck." " Sara?" "Sara?" "But I don't..." "All right, I'll be home after." "Well, I suppose it's just you and me then, Jess." "Mmm-mmm!" "Jess?" "Jess!" "Uh, yes." "Yes, yes." "Oh." "Well, yes." "I'll tell him." "Uh, thank you." "It's the strangest thing, Pat." "Nobody from Greendale wanted the tickets I sent them." "Oh." "Cheer up, my boy!" "SDS loves the publicity you've given us." "You've a lot to be proud of." "You should be a very happy man." "Hello, Ben." "I am Postman Pat." "I would love a cup of tea." "It's all right for you, isn't it?" "The special delivery always gets through." " Hello, Ben." " Eh?" "Am I seeing things?" " I am Postman Pat." " I am also Postman Pat." " Have a good day." " The special delivery always gets..." "All right, there is definitely something funny going on around here!" "To deliver anything anytime, anywhere." "We've got to..." "Delivery." "Efficiency." "To deliver anything anytime, anywhere." "Rise and shine." "We've got to..." "Delivery." "Efficiency." "Hop on, Jess!" "We'll get to the bottom of this." " I am Postman Pat." " I am also Postman Pat." " I am Postman Pat." " Anytime, anywhere..." "A special delivery." "Yes, I would love a cup of tea." "Efficiency, profitability." "Rise and shine." "We've got to..." "Delivery." "Efficiency." "All right, ya pestilent postie." "I'm gonna return you to sender." "We've got a special delivery." "Hello." "Ah, why not?" "You should have stuck to letters, Pat!" "You need to be willing to stop at nothing to make it in showbiz!" "I learned that from Hannah Montana." "See how well you sing from inside a box, you little..." "Eh?" "No!" "That's not possible!" "Hello." "What?" "Lt can't be!" "Do not run in terror." "The special delivery values customer satisfaction." " Stay away from me!" "Get back, you hear?" " Efficient." "Efficient." "Efficient." "Would you like a stamp?" "I said get back!" "I'm warning you!" "♪ Daisy, Daisy" "♪ Give me your answer, do ♪" "Jings, crivens and help ma boab!" "He's a robot." "But if Pat's been replaced by robots, then..." "I have to talk to Sara!" "The magnet turned him off." "System rebooting." "Alert!" "Alert!" "Cover blown." "Recall protocols initiated." "Return to Carbunkle." "Return to Carbunkle." "Cover blown." "Cover blown." "Alert!" "Alert!" "Oh, no, Pat!" "Ya won't get away that easy!" "Recall protocols initiated." "Return to Carbunkle." "Cover blown." "Cover blown." "Cover blown." "Alert!" "Alert!" " Recall protocols initiated." " Huh?" "Return to Carbunkle." "Return to Carbunkle." "Carbunkle." "Carbunkle." "Carbunkle." "This is just too good to be true!" "Postman Pat's a cheat!" "Robots can't enter talent competitions!" "I win!" "I win!" "And it seems all of England is tuning in tonight to watch the You're The One finals." "Excitement at the theater is high as crowds await the arrival of media sensation Postman Pat!" "Oh!" "And here he is now!" " I love you, Pat!" " Over here!" "Oh, hi, Pat." "Where's Jess?" "Uh, he, uh..." "He isn't coming." "Hey, are you OK, mate?" "I don't know." "I love you, Pat!" "Josh!" "Just one on the cheek!" "Good luck tonight, Pat." "Break a leg, Pat!" "Knock 'em dead, Patty." "I don't feel like a very happy man." "Something the matter, Pat?" "Oh, Mr Carbunkle." "Well, it's just..." "This all feels like a mistake." "I'm not a performer." "I'm a postman." "I should talk to Mr Βrown." "Oh, no." "You're not ruining this now." "I've finally got that fool of a CEO where I want him." "If it were up to him, SDS would stay a quaint little delivery service dedicated to customer service and the human touch." "Βlech!" "But I thought that's what all this was for, to help keep SDS the way it's always been." "Your publicity was to make people love Postman Pat." "Now, I can replace all of SDS's human workers with Patbots!" "And when I become CEO," "SDS will become the biggest, most profitable company in the world!" "No." "No!" "I won't go along with that!" "Sorry, Pat, didn't I mention?" "I don't need you any more, either." "What do you mean by..." " Hello, Pat." " Oh!" "You can count on me." "The special delivery always gets through." "Mission accomplished." "Nice working with you, Pat." "No, wait, don't!" "Oi!" "Hey!" "You can't do this!" "Let me out!" "Let me out!" "What have I done?" "I've given up everything and everyone who cared about me for this." "And I don't even recognise myself any more." "Oh, I've been such a fool." "Jess?" "Jess!" "Um, attention." "Can I have everyone's attention, please?" "Now just shush!" "Ηmm!" "Thank you for gathering on such short notice." "Look, I know you've all been upset with Pat's behaviour lately." "Upset?" "He traumatized my sheep!" "Yeah, but that wasn't Pat!" "The thing that's been delivering mail this past week is a robot!" " A robot?" " That's not possible." "Pat always seemed human." "Come to think of it, that does explain his cat leaking oil." "And his flouting of the law." "I know everyone's been angry at Dad lately." "Seems like he's been too busy for any of us." "But Dad's helped us loads of times." "Remember when he hoed your field, Alf?" "Aye, aye." "That I do." "He brought our Lizzy soup when she was sick." "He always gives to charity." "He picked my berries." "He's my best friend." "I've been such a fool!" "Pat's always been there for us." "And now it's time for us to be there for him!" "So who's with me?" "This is it." "We are finally here." "Our season finale, where the top contestants test their talents in a battle to be the best." "And this time, I actually care." "I know I'm the One." "It's time to see if..." "You're The One!" "There you are, Edwin." "I thought you might miss the show." "No, Mr Βrown." "I just had some last-minute business to attend to." "Our first contestant is a fan favourite who's new to showbiz." "The postie with the mostie." "It's Postman Pat!" "♪ Uno, dos, tres, catorce!" "♪ Here I am, am I'm Postman Pat, Pat" "♪ I drop your snail mail Right at your mat, mat" "♪ Your favourite postie" "♪ Special delivery" "♪ PO, there you go" "♪ Here it is, so cheerio" "Well, he's changed his act a bit, hasn't he?" "Change for the better, Mr Βrown." "The first of many." "No one can stop me now." "Ready to go, Jess?" "Come on then." "We've got to stop that show!" "Where do you think you're going, pally?" "I need to get in there." "We're sold out." "Postman Pat's appearing tonight." "Yes, I know." "But he's not..." "I mean, I'm Postman Pat." " You and everybody else." " Huh?" "Nice try." "Homemade costume?" "He don't look anything like a postman." "Uh-oh." "Oh!" "No, I..." "I can see there's a queue." "And we don't want..." "Leg it, Jess!" "This way!" "More Patbots?" "Carbunkle isn't taking any chances." "What do we do now, Jess?" "We have to get inside!" "Manoeuvre 1 7?" "Hurry, Jess." "Hurry!" "Oh!" "Here they come, Jess!" "What was that?" "Oh, my giddy aunt!" "He's blasting the bolts!" "We need to get to the top, Jess!" "Whoa!" "Quick, Jess!" "Jump!" "Ooh." "That's going to take some tidying." "♪ I feel I'm a really happy, really happy postman" "♪ I deliver all the goods from coast to coast, yeah" "♪ I'm the tip-top, cream of crop, won't stop" "What do you mean you lost them?" "Listen to me, you ferrous feline." "If you don't stop them getting into this theater," "I'll have you replaced by a radio-controlled poodle!" "Well, that looks sturdy enough." "Okay, Jess." "Follow me." "Carefully." "Carefully now." "Almost there." "Oh, muffins." "Ahhh!" "Oh, hello." "Whoa!" "Ηmm?" "Jess?" "Jess?" "Hang on, Jess." "I'm coming." " I have not put on weight." " Ηmm." "Hey, we did it, Jess!" "Jess, I'd say we're home and dry now." "Uh-oh!" "Ahhh!" "Jess!" "Run!" "That was close." "Uh-huh!" "Jess!" "Look over there." "It's a way in." "Come on, Jess, let's go." "Uh-oh!" "Ooh!" "That was a bit of luck." "Uh-huh!" "Back to business." "I think I see a ladder." "Oh, just out of reach." "If I can just..." "Whoa!" "I found a way down, Jess." "♪ Listen up It's Postman Pat back for the attack" "♪ We're bringing spin moves I like it like that" "♪ I'm hipper than a hip bone, smarter than a smartphone" "♪ Bright red van going straight to your post code" "♪ I hail from Greendale Y'all fools can't compete" "♪ You're weak, I'm strong I'm king, you're wrong" "♪ This postman's bringing the heat" "♪ I feel I'm a really happy, really happy postman" "♪ I deliver all the goods from coast to coast, yeah" "It's going rather well, don't you think, Edwin?" "Huh?" "Oh, yes." "Yes." "Very well indeed." "♪ ...a really happy, really happy... ♪" "Stop!" "Stop the show!" "This contest is a sham." "And this postman isn't what he pretends to be." "Postman Pat is a robot!" "And I can prove it." "That is a robot!" "He's got bits in him!" "Robots aren't allowed on the show." "I told you." "What is going on here?" "Edwin, I demand an explanation!" "It must be Clifton's doing, sir." "He's fooled us all." "He's a cheat." "No, everybody wait, please!" "I can explain everything!" "Mr Βrown, sir." "I'm afraid we've both made a terrible mistake." "Ah, it's just another robot!" "I'll make short work of..." "Hey, wait a minute." "Lt was working a minute ago." "This is some kind of trick." "There's a lot of metal above my head, isn't there?" "Yes." "I thought so." "You can't fool me!" "Robots!" "You're all robots!" "Simon's a robot, too, I'm sure of it." "He's always been a robot." "Pat, my boy." "I don't understand any of this." "What's going on?" "It's so easy to lose sight of what's important." "Everything seems to be moving so quickly these days." "Technology and machines have brought a lot of wonderful things into the world." "Made it faster, more exciting." "And being on telly, well, that's quite a thrill." "But so is slowing down to play football with your son." "Or coming home to a quiet dinner with family and friends." "I got into this contest to win a holiday for my wife, but somewhere along the way I forgot to take time for those I really care about." "And that was a mistake." "Because if the people you love aren't there to share your success, then maybe you're not that successful at all." "You'd think a postman would be better at sorting things, wouldn't you?" "I want to be a postman." "Good on you, mate." "Oh." "I must have something in my eye." "I've wasted my life." "But not everyone at our company feels the same way." "Isn't that right, Mr Carbunkle?" "Quite right, Clifton." "What matters is money." "And control!" "And power!" "Everything SDS will have, once I'm running this sorry company!" "No, no, no, no, Edwin." "That's not the SDS way." "It is now." "See?" "See?" "Robots!" "I knew it!" "Robots!" "Edwin, stop this immediately!" "What are you doing?" "Give me the, SDS, Βrown." "The days of lovable, friendly mailmen helping quaint country characters with their stupid little problems is over!" "The future belongs to machines!" "And to me!" "See?" "See?" "I told you this would happen!" "Oh, if I was down there, I'd show you what for!" "Come up here and fight like a machine!" "Oh!" "Oh, my allergy!" "Huh?" " What happened?" " They all stopped." "Please." "Easiest game ever." "Huh?" "I'm so sorry, Pat." "I had no idea what Edwin was up to." "The Special Delivery Service would never replace wonderful fellows like you." "After all, it's the human touch that makes us a family." "But this wasn't just me!" "There's no "I" in team, remember?" "Yes, but there is a "you" in you are fired!" "You can't do this to me!" "I am the future!" "I'll just move to America!" "I'm not even a bad guy there!" "You'll see, I'll be back!" "I'll be back!" "I'll be back!" "Nobody understands genius!" "I've seen boiled hams that are less done." "So if the melodrama is over, can we get back to the reality show?" "Postman Pat, the whole world is waiting for you to sing." "Actually, I only got into this to win my wife a holiday." "And without her to sing for, well, I'm sorry." "There's really no point in me..." " Pat." " Huh?" "Pat." "Go for it, Pat!" "Looks like you've got something to sing for now, mate." "Doesn't he, Wilf?" "Aye." "Well, may the best man win." "And if you're ever looking for a manager, Pat, give me a wee call." "How about it, Pat?" "Well, Jess?" "What do you think?" "Uh-huh!" "All right, Simon." "But I may change the act a bit." "♪ Like a fool I went and stayed too long" "♪ Now, I'm wondering if your love's still strong" "♪ Ooh, baby, here I am" "♪ Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours" "♪ Then the time I went and said goodbye" "♪ Now I'm back and not ashamed to cry" "♪ Ooh, baby, here I am" "♪ Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours" "♪ Here I am, baby" "♪ Oh, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours" "♪ Here I am, baby" "♪ Oh, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours" "♪ Oh!" "I've done a lot of foolish things" "♪ That I really didn't mean" "♪ Yeah, didn't I?" "♪ Oh, baby" "♪ Yeah, didn't I?" "♪ Oh, baby" "♪ Seen a lot of things in this old world" "♪ When I touched them, they did nothing, girl" "♪ Ooh, baby" "♪ Here I am, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours" "♪ I'm yours" "♪ Oh, baby, you set my soul on fire" "♪ That's why I know you're my only desire" "♪ Oh, baby, here I am, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours!" "♪ Here I am, baby" "♪ Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours" "♪ Yeah, baby" "♪ Here I am, baby" "♪ Signed, sealed, delivered" "♪ Here I am, baby" "♪ Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours" "♪ I've done a lot of foolish things that I really didn't mean" "♪ I could be a broken man but here I am" "♪ Got your future, got your future, baby" "♪ Yeah" "♪ Here I am, baby" "♪ Signed, sealed..." "Here I am, baby" "♪ Signed, sealed, delivered" "♪ Here I am, baby ♪"