"You know, they put up stop signs for a reason..." "loser." "Great." "Mr. Lucky strikes again." "Hi, honey." "Hi, Dad." "Ow." "You know, someone should tell that guy... that stop signs are put there for a reason." "How's the car?" "It's a mess, like my head." "I was actually seeing double for a while." "Are you OK?" "Yeah, I think so." "Let's hope he has insurance." "Hey, what's the matter?" "You know, his fault, my fault... o-o-our coverage will handle it." "I haven't paid the premium in 3 months." "What?" "Gabe, what are we going to do?" "The house needs repairs..." "Linda needs braces... the baby needs everything." "Maybe you should talk to Dobkin again." "I did." "He gave the promotion to Murphy." "Why?" "Why?" "!" "Because Dobkin's a nitwit, that's why." "He screws up appointment dates... and then when he gets them right, you know... he tells people I can be there... 2 hours before I actually can get there... so they get mad, they call and complain... and... and I'm the fall guy." "Doesn't Murphy have the same supervisor?" "Yes, but he's better at kissing butt than I am." "I love you, but for the kids' sake..." " Nancy..." " I can't keep going like this." "Things are gonna get better." "I promise." "Gabe, I hope you're right." "William Shakespeare once wrote... that the fault lies not in our stars... but in ourselves." "However, Gabe O'Brien... a man who just can't get a break... is about to learn... the fault may actually lie somewhere else." "Hey, what the hell are you doin'?" "!" "Hey, buddy, I'm talkin' to you!" "Who, me?" "Who else?" "No, that's impossible." "You can't see me." "You're imagining things." "I'm imagining nothing." "You're killin' my lawn!" "Oh, I get it." "When you hit your head in the car accident... it must have given you some kind of second sight." "How do you know about the car accident?" "Oh, more questions." "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "Dinner's ready." "Yeah, hon, in a minute... when I'm done dealin' with this guy." "What guy?" "She didn't see you?" "Of course she didn't see me." "Nobody's supposed to see me, including you." "Hey, hey, hey." "Look, you..." "I want to know what's going on here." "No, you don't." "Besides, I don't have time to explain." "I'm on a very busy schedule, and I'm already running late." "Hey, be smart." "Forget you ever saw me." "You're traveling to another dimension." "A dimension not only of sight and sound... but of mind." "A journey into a wondrous land... whose boundaries are only that of the imagination." "You're entering..." "I mean, this guy, he just kills my lawn... and then walks away like he's doing me a favor." "Wasted his time is more like it..." "As if your grass needs any help dying." "Yeah, but why'd he pick my house?" "!" "You know, I gotta tell you, man... sometimes I feel like I'm jinxed." "Oh, no, you're not jinxed." "You're more like, uh, you know, uh... a failure." "Well, I never thought of it like that." "Hey, you're still doin' better than me." "Yeah." "Well, if things don't get better fast... it's gonna cost me my marriage." "You know my solution." "I'm not a criminal." "Me either." "Look, all you have to do is leave your truck unlocked... and go about your business." "I'll do the rest." "You know, just take a couple of choice items to sell... like a TV here, a sound system there." "Yeah, ohh." "That would be stealing." "What, from King Electronics?" "The company that has done nothing... but abuse you from day one?" "No, that's not stealing, that's payback." "And besides, they have insurance... and you are desperate." "So what do you say?" "I say shut up and drink your beer." "I expected you to be here 2 hours ago." "Uh, sorry." "I had a big delivery downtown." "Well, it would have been nice... if someone had called and told me." "I suppose they also didn't call and tell you... that a lot of your equipment's on back order, huh?" "Perfect." "All right." "Unpack this stuff." "I'll be on a conference call in the study." "You again!" "What?" "You can still see me?" "No, this is unacceptable." "Hey, are you following me around?" "I'm not answering any more questions." "Hey, hey, look, you..." "Are you crazy?" "!" "I'm on a tight schedule." "Get outta my way!" "I'm already running 3 minutes late... and this guy wants to play games." "Yeah, but you..." "Aah!" "If anyone asks..." "I was never here." "I didn't do it." "No, really." "L-l-it was the other guy." "He's suing us?" "But I didn't break Fischer's vase." "Who's Fischer?" "I'm talking about Sloan." "Sloan?" "Who's Sloan?" "The one whose car you hit... the one who's claiming he has a neck injury." "What vase?" "Ohh." "It's the guy in the jumpsuit." "He is behind a// of this!" "What guy?" "OK." "What I'm about to tell you sounds kinda crazy... but when I get done, don't tell me it sounds crazy... 'cause I already know, but there's..." "There's this strange little guy in this orange jumpsuit... who... who's been following me around... and he... and he seems intent on screwing' up my life." "Don't... don't cry." "What?" "I've tried to be supportive." "I've been waiting for you... to quit blaming everyone else... and take responsibility for your life... but instead, what do I get?" "Strange men in jumpsuits." "Orange jumpsuits." "Gabe, stop!" "I've talked to my parents." "They're taking me and the kids in for a while." "You're leaving me?" "Gabe, I love you... but I have no choice." "Wait, wait, wait, wait, baby." "Well, things can change." "I can change." "L..." "I can." "I will." "Hello?" "Y-you're kidding!" "But I didn't do it!" "There was this guy in this orange jumpsuit." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Now what?" "That was my boss." "Uh, Fischer called to complain... about the broken vase... and, um, the company's gonna reimburse him for it." "Don't tell me." "Out of your paycheck?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "So all I have to do is park the van... and walk away, right?" "Cookies and milk." "Couldn't be simpler." "And you know where you're going to sell this stuff?" "Oh, I know a guy who knows a guy." "Luke, if I'm gonna do this... there can't be any screw-ups." "It's a piece of cake." "Yeah." "Piece of cake, cookies and milk." "Something tells me I'm gonna end up on bread and water." "Gabey, Gabey, Gabey... my hand to God's, it is a sure thing." "Yeah, well, it better be." "Otherwise, I say good-bye to Nancy and the kids." "Oh, that'd be a shame." "I rea..." "I really like Nancy." "OK, here's what we're gonna do:" "All right, I'm workin' late shift tomorrow." "Oh, ohh, oh!" "We'll do it at Fischer's." "Broken vase Fischer?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "They're makin' me go apologize to him... when I'm taking him the rest of the stuff." "While I'm inside unloading his order... you be outside loading' up your van." " Yes!" " Yes!" "You can set these up." "Uh, uh, yes, sir." "Uh, it's gonna take me a couple hours, though." "And it's a freebie... for all the trouble you caused me." "Yes, sir." "Now get started." "What?" "What does a hernia feel like?" "I don't know." "I'm gonna need your help." "No, no, no." "That's not part of our deal." "This stuff weighs a ton." "Luke!" "There he is." "That's the guy!" "Shh, shh, shh." "No, no, no, no." "Just take a look." "That's the guy I've been tellin' you about." "Gabe, buddy, there's no one there." "Are my tires low?" "OK, just, uh, just go open some boxes." "I'll be right back." "Huh?" " Hey!" " Ow!" "Gotcha!" "What are you doing out here?" "!" "You're supposed to be inside!" "This is so wrong." "I'm supposed to be across town in 15 minutes." "Yeah, well, I'm guessin' you're not gonna make it." ""Not make it"?" "That's inconceivable." "My... my not making it suggests consequences... too alarming to consider!" "Yeah, well, then you better start talking fast!" "There's nothing to talk about!" "You're gonna finish the robbery... you and Luke will get caught by the cops and go to jail... and there's nothing you can do about it." "Why?" "Because that's how it's been written!" ""Written"?" "By who?" "By the writer." ""Writer"?" "What writer?" "!" "The one who writes your life, who else?" "OK, you want to make your schedule?" "First, you take me to meet this person." "All right, all right." "Now what?" "There's nothin' here." "Ow!" "God!" "Look closer." "This is it." "Headquarters." "Is, uh..." "God in there?" "God?" "No." "God works out of his home." "I'm starting to think that this is a little much for you." "No, no, I'm ready." "Let's go." "Whoa, whoa." "Not me, pal." "You're not coming?" "I told you I have things to do!" "All right, fine!" "Just tell me how I find my writer." "Room 2173." "Ask for Roxanne." "Roxanne." "Yeah, very creative, tells a good story." "Yeah?" "Well, you don't have to live it." "Boy, am I gonna get yelled at." "Applications for openings... in the Department of Retribution now being accepted." "Will Frank Wilson... 2173." "...office of Supervised Plot Twists." "Frank Wilson, please call..." "Hey!" "Hold that elevator!" "So I got the wife cleaning out the bank account... and then heading to the Bahamas... all told about 300 grand." "Hmm." "Isn't that what he made... on that stock swindle last year?" "Yeah, well, my supervisor says..." "I don't use enough irony." "Hey, did you hear about... the Lisa Tompkins-Barry Lewis story line?" "Oh, those two are finally getting together?" "Yeah." "Well, I figure... they're going to miss the same bus." "Oh, no." "Not another chance meeting." "What?" "It's romantic." "Oh, come on, Lou." "We're not Coincidence." "We're Fate." "Uh, excuse me, are you Roxanne?" "Gabe O'Brien." "Gabe O'Brien, Gabe O'Brien..." "Gabe O'Brien." "Gabe O'Bri..." "you can't be here!" "Yeah, we need to talk." "Ta..." "You can't talk to me." "That's against company policy." "Yeah, well, screw company policy!" "Uh, look, Mr. O'Brien... this is highly irregular." "I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, immediately." "Plus, I have way too much work to do." "Yeah, well, that's what I'm here to talk about:" "Your work." "You're the one that writes my life, right?" "Yeah, yours and 5,999 others... and if I don't have a rough draft... of tomorrow done by midnight... there's gonna be a lot of people... with nothing to do, including you." "Wait a minute." "Aren't you supposed to be in the middle... of some hijack scheme?" "Yeah, well, it's a slight change of plan." "No, no, no." "No, see, I got it all laid out right here." "You gotta get back to Mr. Fischer's house." "Yeah, well, it's not gonna happen." "But you have to... otherwise I'm gonna have to rewrite... the entire scene." "Look, I... hey." "I've got a freeway chase in here... and... and your tires go flat... and you're ridin' on rims... and sparks are flyin' out." "Ha ha ha." "That sounds pretty exciting!" "It is." "I mean, well, it will be, but..." "But I'm not gonna do it, OK?" "I'm no longer gonna be... be..." "be part of this crummy life... you're writin' for me." "Wh-whoa." "You're not blaming me, are you?" "You wrote it, you live it." "Yeah, well, see, I write the day-to-day... week-to-week stuff, you know?" "Trips to the mall, fights with friends..." "Car accidents." "Well, hey." "You weren't hurt." "Could have been a lot worse, trust me." "OK, I want to know who's responsible for all this." "Upper management, of course." "They're the ones in charge... of everyone's long-term destinies... including yours." "Look, Mr. O'Brien..." "I know it's not a perfect system, OK... but we've been doing it for quite a long time... since the beginning, actually... and from what I hear, the world is a pretty nice place." "So if you just let me do my job..." "I promise I'll take another look at that hijack scene... see if I can't come up... with something a little less crummy." "OK?" "Thank you." "Pbbt." "Well, thanks, but no thanks." "Starting now..." "I'm taking responsibility for my own life." "Excuse me?" "Yeah." "From now on, I am runnin' my life." "I'm makin' my own decisions, I'm takin' my own chances." "Well..." "You're talking about improvisation." "That is out of the question." "That is not company policy." "What are you doing?" "I am gonna sit here until this gets resolved." "Look, dude, there is absolutely nothing..." "I can do about this, OK?" "Company policy is company policy." "Well, then you're gonna have to put 6,000 lives on hold..." "Roxanne." "OK." "That's great." "Now you've done it." "You forced my hand." "I'm calling upper management." "Ooh." "Bring it on." "Better be scared." "The answer is no." "We cannot change a long-standing policy... just because of one unhappy delivery fellow." "Told you." "Yeah, well, I can make my life better." "I know I can." "It's not a question of better, Mr. O'Brien." "It's a question of efficiency." "Years of testing and research have shown... quite conclusively... that the world runs more smoothly... when people's lives... are controlled by a higher power." "Self-determination is a losing proposition." "Now, if you will excuse me, I have a board meeting." "No, no, wait!" "I'm not done." "Yes, well, get on with it, then." "Look, since I was a little kid..." "I was always told that if you were smart... and you worked hard that you'd get rewarded." "But now I know that's just a big lie." "My life is a mess." "And you know why?" "Because I'm a victim of this stupid bureaucracy." "I mean, you guys... write billions of life stories a day." "That means someone's gonna get shafted... and if I'm the one getting shafted... at least I want to make sure I'm doing the shafting." "How am I doing?" "Bring it home." "This is about justice, Mr. Jennings." "It's about fairness." "And if you don't want us to believe in those terms... you shouldn't have created them in the first place." "I am a man, Mr. Jennings." "I am not a puppet." "And I think it's time to cut the strings." "Look, look, Roxanne, you'd only have to write... 5,999 life stories, huh?" "Heh heh heh!" "I mean, a couple more jokers like me... you could actually get a coffee break." "Oh!" "Yeah, sir, I actually..." "I wouldn't mind lightening my work load." "All right, Mr. O'Brien." "If this is the only way to get you out of here..." "Yeah, I'm gone." "Wow." "Couldn't have written it better myself." "Huh?" "Oh, thanks, oh, thanks." "Good luck, Gabe." "You're gonna need it." "Luke, for the third time, these are the numbers." "No way." "Look, we can do this." "We can change our lives." "We can make something of ourselves." "Put the failure behind us." "If we order direct from the manufacturer... and we work out of the house to avoid overhead... we could undersell my old boss by 30%." " Heh heh!" " Yeah!" "What are you guys doing?" "Taking control of our lives." "Man's turned into a dynamo." "Yeah, yeah, hon..." "I'm starting my own business." "I am going to be a success from now on." "Yeah, me, too." "Hey, whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Why are you going to your mother's?" " You know..." " No, no." "Well, put it down... because you are not going anywhere." "Honey, look, you've stayed with me through all the bad times." "I'm not going to let you leave now... when things are just about to get fun." "You're serious, aren't you?" "Yes." "No more moaning, no more groaning... no more blaming other people." "Nancy, I promise you, we are gonna make it." "You know something?" "I believe you." "OK." "First thing tomorrow, we sell the violin... and we get that kid a piano." "Heh heh heh!" "Shakespeare observed... that all the world's a stage... its men and women merely players." "But Gabe O'Brien proved that sometimes... you can grab the pen from the poet... and write your own story." "A lesson learned in the Twilight Zone."