"* I am the stone The builder refused *" "* I am the visual The inspiration *" "* That made lady Sing the blues *" "* I'm the spark That makes your idea bright *" "* The same spark That lights the dark *" "* So that you can know Left from right *" "* I am the ballot in your box The bullet in the gun *" "* The inner glow That lets you know *" "* To call your brother sun *" "* The story that just begun *" "* The promise Of what's to come *" "* And I'm 'a remain a soldier *" "* Till the war is won Won *" "* Chop, chop, chop Judo flip *" "* Chop, chop, chop Judo flip *" "* Chop, chop, chop Judo flip *" "* Chop, chop, chop *" "You're ready, son?" "Ready as I'm gonna be, I guess." "Just believe in the music, son." "Ladies and gents, we got a real special treat for y'all tonight." "Let's give a big ol' Shitkickers' welcome to Jimmy Rebel!" "How y'all doin'?" "How y'all doin'?" "How are you?" "My name's Jimmy Rebel." "This first number's a song I wrote." "It's very near and dear to me, and it's about niggers." "A- one, a-two, a- one, two, three." "* Step back, silverback * Hold on blackie *" "* Steal some gas For your Cadillac-ie *" "* Head downtown With them coons and clowns *" "* Just stay away from me *" "* Laquita, Shenita And Jamaal *" "* Orangelo, Mangelo And Tylenol *" "* Grab an orange sody And a basketball *" "* Just leave my daughter be *" "* Keep to yourself Stay away from mine *" "* Open your eyes and mouth So I can see you shine *" "* Open up your nose Put in a fresh bone *" "* Just leave My snow-driven beauty *" "* Caucasian cutie, pure demure And classically snooty *" "* Sweet white daughter alone *" "* You nigger *" "Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!" "Ruckus, look." "Woo, baby!" "Wow!" "Come on, hurry up, look!" "* Porch monkey *" "* No free ride darky *" "* Coon lips *" "Ruckus." "Jigaboo-woo-woo!" "Ruckus!" "What?" "W-What?" "What?" "What are you listening to?" "Only the greatest country, western and racist singer to ever breathe into a microphone." "Mr. Jimmy Rebel." "Go on, listen." "Listen." "What did he just say?" "Oh, my God." "Uh-huh." "See that, that's nice, ain't it?" "That son of a bitch." "Get this bullshit outta here." "That's just sick." "What you sayin', Robert?" "His music is responsible for the man you see before you today." "He inspired my love for racist music." "You know, sometimes I write my own racist song." "I think they pretty good too." "Well, keep 'em to yourself." "Nobody wanna hear that shit." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, just 'cause you said that," "I'm gonna go home and record 'em." "So there." "Fine, then get the fuck on." "I will!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Soon as we finish this game." "I think it's your move." "Dear Mr. Jimmy Rebel," "I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits." "My name is Uncle Ruckus, no relation, and I am first and foremost a lover of beautiful music." "I proudly play your music while at work at one of my many, many jobs." "It always elicits a response." "Shut off that goddamn shit, you fat racist fuck!" "Please, find enclosed the song:" ""Keep Them Niggas Outta NASCAR."" "It was inspired by all of the niggas" "I hope we can keep outta NASCAR." "* Tennis been took over By the dark side *" "* Golf has a black smudge On its face *" "* Baseball ain't Been the same *" "* Since coon came Into the game *" "* Stealing everything Including second base *" "* That extra bone in they leg Is right for running *" "* Jumpin' like a monkey And hurdlin' high and far *" "* Let 'em run And jump and skip *" "* And do the pickaninny flip *" "* But keep their black hands Off of my NASCAR *" "* Please keep them niggas Outta NASCAR *" "* We don't need no hooptees In the Danger Zone *" "* Niggas don't car-jack my darlin' NASCAR *" "* It's the last great thing A white man can call his own *" "* Last great thing A white man can call his *" "* Own *" "Good morning, Mr. White Man, sir." "How can I..." "Oh!" "Excuse me, I'm, uh, lookin' for the residence of Mr. Uncle Ruckus." "Y" " You lookin'..." "You said you lookin' f- for, uh..." "For Uncle..." "You know him?" "Well, thank God." "I been driving around forever." "Well, this, uh..." "This is the place." "Oh, well, is Mr. Ruckus home?" "He's not expecting me, this is kind of a surprise." "My name is Jimmy Rebel." "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" "I am your biggest fan." "I can't believe it." "Well, I can't believe it either." "I never met a black who liked my music." "Oh, wait." "Oh, my God." "You're not..." "No, you can't be..." "No, no, no, sir." "No, sir." "I am not Uncle Ruckus, sir." "Oh, whew." "I was gonna say, man..." "Yeah, yeah, that..." "That would be crazy, wouldn't it?" "That'd be weird." "Yeah, well, no, sir." "No, sir, uh..." "My name is, uh..." "My name is Toby." "I'm Mr. Ruckus's loyal manservant." "No, sir, Uncle Ruckus is a true blue, red-blooded, American white man." "Well, if Mr. Ruckus isn't too busy, I'd like to speak to him." "Now, I know that Uncle Ruckus would really love to speak with you Mr. Jimmy Rebel, sir, but, uh..." "Well, he's not here." "Oh." "Well, this was the return address on the tape he sent up." "Oh, no." "See, Uncle Ruckus he don't live here." "This..." "This here my place." "No, sir, Mr. Ruckus he got him a proper white folks house." "Uh, we just use this here address, you know, for the death threats and the mail bombs." "Stuff like that." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "I know all about that stuff." "Well, listen, if you wouldn't mind giving me his address or maybe just call him, and, uh, see if it's all right if I stop by?" "Oh, yes, sir, I-I would do that, sir, but, uh..." "Well, unfortunately, uh..." "Uh, Mr. Uncle Ruckus, you see he is..." "He's very, very sick." "He caught the, uh, the Nigerian Monkeypox." "Very contagious." "As if they Internet scams and underwear bombs wasn't bad enough." "Goddamn Nigerians." "Mm." "Well, that is just tragic." "I do know that Mr. Ruckus, he be very mad at me if I didn't offer you a cold drink after coming all this way." "Thank you, Toby, but, uh..." "Well, it's gettin' late." "Uh, M-Mr." "Rebel, sir?" "Yes, Toby?" "I just wanted to say, sir, that a lot of people can talk bad about darkies, but you make art that talks bad about darkies." "Well, hell, Toby." "Oh, why don't you go ahead and fix me that drink?" "Yes, sir, Mr. Rebel, sir." "Oh, by the way, have you ever heard of revitaligo?" "Oh, Mr. Rebel." "You know, all these years I been singing about niggers," "I probably only done had a conversation with five of 'em at the most." "Heh-heh-heh." "Are there any others like you?" "Oh, absolutely not." "No, sir." "There ain't one good nigger ever stepped foot on this Earth, except maybe Alan Keyes or that nigga that shot Malcolm X." "You are a funny guy." "Well, I should be gettin' back to the hotel." "Hey, I'll leave you my number." "Maybe he'll be feeling better tomorrow." "Uh, well, we'll see." "We'll see." "But you should come by anyway, I, uh..." "I'd be happy to show you around the town." "Oh, sure thing, Toby." "You got my number." "Ruckus?" "Ruckus." "Ruckus!" "Robert, have you ever met somebody who seem to like you but it's only because they don't know the real you?" "Yeah, that's pretty much every woman I've ever dated." "So you met someone, huh?" "Oh, yes." "Yes I did, Robert." "Somebody very special, but I don't know if..." "If it's all a lie, how far can it go?" "Well, how big is the lie?" "Well, uh, I'm supposed to be a white man." "Without revitaligo." "You know what, Robert?" "Fuck you and everybody who live in your household." "Okay, whitey." "Good mornin', Mr. Rebel." "Uh, I talked to Uncle Ruckus for a second." "Poor guy could barely lift up the telephone." "He said he can't talk today, but I'm under direct orders to show you the best day Woodcrest can offer." "Shoot, why not?" "Hop in, Toby, let's go." "* I love you Like coons love chicken *" "* I love you like Jews Love penny pinchin' *" "* I love you like OJ *" "* Love white women *" "* I love you like gooks Love Communism *" "* I love you like *" "* Niggers love welfare *" "* I love you like black girls *" "* Love to wear fake hair *" "* I love you like chinks Love math and sneaking' *" "* I love you like Jungle bunnies love sleeping' *" "* Well, buddy, Can't you see?" "*" "* You're all right with me *" "* You're a man's man *" "* You're all right with me *" "* You're a man's man *" "Well, Toby, this has been one amazing day." "Oh, the world needs more white men like you, Jimmy Rebel." "America gettin' soft on niggas." "Hell, they even elected one president." "I bet that's gotta burn you up." "Yeah, you know a lot of people think, you know, that I spend all day just angry at negroes." "Lord knows I do." "But it's hard to be angry, you know." "I mean, don't get me wrong," "I believe in white rights and all that, but overall I'm a pretty happy fella." "You know what the liberals and the NAACP never could figure out?" "It's not about the color of a man's skin." "It's not the big lips or how y'all say "R-uh" instead of "R"." "Or the fact they wear they ass on they shoulders." "Right." "It's the attitude, stupid." "A feller can't control what color he is, but he can control his attitude." "If all blacks acted like you, Toby, if they worked hard and stopped complaining about every goddamn thing, then we wouldn't have no problem with 'em at all." "Well, I better be gettin' on." "But it's still early." "We can..." "We can watch Amistad again." "I can make you some s'mores or something." "No, you've been too kind." "I've got a flight back to Spokenhoke tomorrow night." "Anyway, you think it'd be possible to talk to Mr. Ruckus before I leave?" "Well, you can always tell me." "I'll pass the message along." "Well, it relates to business, so I'd prefer to tell him directly." "I think it's somethin' he'll wanna hear." "Y" " Yes, sir." "Yes, sir." "I'll, uh..." "I'll do my best." "Okay, well, guess I'll be takin' off." "Well, you have a good night, sir." "Oh, look who it is." "Robert." "Robert, I'm desperate." "I can't keep up this charade no more." "He about to leave." "Should have thought about that before you stood me up." "He?" "Jimmy Rebel." "Wait, you mean the racist singer?" "That's the "special person" you've been seeing?" "You got sugar in your boots?" "W" " Wait a minute." "This ain't about no faggotry." "You see, I sent him my music and he liked it so much he came out here to meet me, but I told him the real Uncle Ruckus was a white man, and that I'm his faithful manservant, Toby." "Damn it, Robert, this is serious!" "Robert, he wanna talk to the real Uncle Ruckus!" "I think it's got something to do with my music." "This is the silliest shit I've ever heard." "Why would I wanna help you with this?" "I have dreams just like everybody else." "I wanna make beautiful, beautiful racist music for the world of white people to enjoy, and this is my only shot." "Now you and I both know I hate darkies." "Lord knows I do." "But I am not afraid to say, Robert Freeman, that I hate you a lot less than I hate the others." "Oh, my God, he's here!" "Okay, hurry up, get in your room, get in your room." "Don't forget, you're a white man and you got Nigerian Monkeypox." "You gotta go." "You gotta go." "Baboon Bama." "Steady, Ruckus." "Steady." "Well, hey there, Toby." "How's our patient?" "Very sick and still contagious, but he insisted you come over and talk to him today." "Uh, please." "Uh, uh, M-Mr." "Ruckus." "Uh, Mr. Rebel is here to see you." "Oh, hello there, uh, partner." "Mr. Ruckus, I don't wanna take up too much of your time." "I just wanted to say you're one heck of a songwriter, and, uh, not a bad singer either." "Well, uh, from one white man to another, thank you kindly." "You know, a lot of times with our kind of music people get so caught up in the hate part of it." "But I can definitely hear the love in your music." "Well, Master Ruckus, he love hating' niggas, ain't that right, Master Ruckus?" "Oh, yeah, I hate African Americans." "Oh, go ahead, tell him how much you hate them niggas, Master Ruckus." "Oh, well, uh..." "Uh..." "If hating people of African descent is wrong," "I don't wanna be right." "See?" "With your permission, I'd like to record your song, and I'd like for you to come to Spokenhoke with me and record an album together." "Well, uh, that sounds great." "Let's make some ol' racist music together." "Well, sir, I want you to rest up and get better so I'm go ahead and get outta your hair." "I brought you a present, hope you don't mind." "These are autographed copies of my albums," "Coonsville." "Hey." "Welfare Queen and Cadillac King." "Help Me, I'm Surrounded By Coons." "Don't Let Your Nigglets Grow Up to Be Niggers." "I Almost NAAC-Peed Myself." "Spooks of Hazzard." "Black Toes andGhettos." "What the...?" "How 'Bout Those Crack Babies." "Nigger, Stay Outta My Wife and Niggers Don't Die They Just Smell That Way." "Oh, fuck this shit!" "Enough." "Get the fuck outta my house." "What the hell...?" "Get outta my way!" "Robert." "No!" "Toby, who is this?" "Get this redneck son of a bitch out!" "What the hell's goin' on?" "Lord!" "The Nigerian Monkeypox turned him full-blown Nigerian!" "Get away from him, Mr. Rebel!" "Bye, honky!" "What the hell is goin' on?" "Who was that?" "Oh." "Oh, I can't keep this up no more." "It's a charade, wrapped in a facade, covered in a lie." "I am Uncle Ruckus." "When I sent you them songs," "I never in my wildest dreams thought we would ever meet." "I knew that you thought" "Uncle Ruckus was a handsome, strong," "Clint Eastwood type white man." "Oh, curse this revitaligo." "It's okay, Ruckus." "I know." "Somehow," "I've always known." "And damn it, I don't care." "It's about the music, ain't it?" "Mr. Rebel, do you mean...?" "Uncle Ruckus, you're going to Spokenhoke." "Welcome to Spokenhoke." "Jewel of the South." "Our business model is based around what we like to call the "hardcore racist" demographic." "That's an audience that stays consistent from year to year." "Hey there, Tim." "Casey." "Hey." "Plus, we do our own distribution and cut out the Jews, so we do all right for ourselves." "Okay, gang, as you know, I left a few days ago to meet the feller who sent me that amazing song." "Well, I found him." "Everyone, meet Uncle Ruckus." "Heh." "Uh, hey there, good white folks." "Ahem." "How y'all doing?" "He's a negro who hates niggers and I wanna do an album with him." "* Hey, Jigger-boo, nigger-boo Colored, coonie *" "* Black porch monkey Brown baboonie *" "* Melon muncher Chicken-bone sucker *" "* Blue-black, silver-back Big spear chucker *" "* Any way you figure *" "* The President's A nigger to me *" "Let me take this one." "Sing it, Ruckus." "* Charcoal, brown bread Jungle bunny *" "* Ghetto Guru Government Honey *" "* Chocolate Cricket Spooky Nigglet *" "* Cocoa, negro *" "* Magpie, black crow *" "* Any way you figure *" "* The President's A nigger to me *" "Lord, I could sing "Nigger" all day long." "Hey there!" "You've reached Uncle Ruckus." "White folks leave a message, black folks, leave town." "Hey, Ruckus." "Hey, the Woodcrest Checkers Tournament is coming up, I was wondering when you gonna be back in town, if those crackers ain't lynched your black ass yet." "Look, call me back, okay?" "All right." "Bye." "You all right?" "Yeah, it's just..." "I think I miss Ruckus." "Does that mean there's something wrong with me?" "Yeah." "And it's gay." "* The president's A nigger to me *" "Oh, I love these songs, gang." "Sir, in all honesty, I think this'll ruin us." "You guys really think so?" "Well, we are called" ""Racist Records," Jimmy." "I think the public expects racism from us or at least segregation." "Ruckus is more of a racist than anyone in this room." "And that includes me." "Look, Mr. Rebel, I think they might be right." "No, come on, now, beneath your skin you're as white as any white man." "And I'm gonna prove it to you." "Tonight I'm doing the new stuff at Shitkickers, and I want you to come with me." "You mean, like, to drive you there?" "No!" "I mean on stage." "We're gonna perform together." "Oh, no, no, no." "M-Mr." "Rebel," "I" " I don't think I'm ready for..." "Oh, yes, you are." "You gotta believe in the music." "Thank you, thank you, thank you." "You know, my career started here, more decades ago than I care to remember." "So it also feels right that, uh, this be the place where my career makes a new beginning." "For the first time in my career," "I've teamed up with another musician, and this is something we wrote together." "It's called, "One Good Nigger."" "There ain't no such thing!" "* Well, we know niggers Commit crimes *" "* And fill up our jails *" "* Too lazy and shiftless To do for themselves *" "* And when they lose in life *" "* Well, they wanna blame You and me *" "* Well, there's niggers who lie Niggers who steal *" "* Niggers who rap, And put rims on their wheels *" "* And niggers who act *" "* Like coons on TV *" "Ow!" "* Well, but just The other day *" "* During a blizzard in hell *" "* I met a colored fella *" "* And as far as I could tell *" "* Inside he had A white man's integrity *" "How about that?" "I'll be damned." "* Well, he had a few jobs *" "* Not just one *" "* He worked all day Till the day was done *" "I don't like this song!" "* He loved his country *" "* And I thought *" "* "Well, I'll be!" *" "* I met one good nigger *" "* He ain't want nothing free *" "* I met one good nigger *" "* So y'all just let him be *" "* And a nigger like him *" "* I'll never meet again *" "* But one is all I need *" "Well, ladies and gentlemen," "I want you to meet my new musical partner, and close personal friend." "Uncle Ruckus, come on on out here, buddy." "Uncle Ruckus?" "Come on out, nigger!" "What..." "What in the fuck?" "Get that nigger off the stage!" "Give him a chance!" "Give him a chance?" "Well, you probably gave Barack Obama a chance too!" "You sing with niggers, you probably voted for one." "No, I didn't!" "Mr. Rebel, no!" "Get that nigger!" "Yee-haw!" "Man, that was fun." "But, Mr. Rebel, I mean, what you gonna do?" "Your career..." "You remember when I said, how we hate the blacks because of their attitudes?" "Yeah." "Well, I think that's a load of shit." "You're just like one of us, Ruckus, but they still hate you." "And it's not your attitude, it's 'cause you're black." "And know what else I realized?" "Most rednecks are really fucking stupid." "And I mean really fucking stupid." "I've made some of the best music of my life with you, Ruckus." "And I don't intend to stop." "I'm sorry, Mr. Rebel." "But I can't make music with you no more." "Because..." "Because you are not the racist I thought you were." "Ruckus!" "Wait a minute!" "Come back here!" "Forget you ever knew me!" "Hmph." "You wanna play a game?" "I'm waiting for someone." "Oh." "Ah, okay, you can play till he shows up." "So how did it go in Spokenhoke?" "Oh, it was..." "It went..." "I..." "I should have listened to you." "Ruckus." "I'm sorry, Mr. Rebel." "I didn't mean what I said before." "I just couldn't stand to watch you throw everything away just for me." "Ruckus, you were right." "I'm just not the racist I used to be." "It's time for me to move on." "Oh, no, Mr. Rebel, your voice is too important for the world." "I can't be responsible for you giving up singing." "I'm not gonna give up singing." "I just wanna sing about something other than niggers." "If we ain't gonna be singing about no niggas, what are we gonna be singin' about?" "There's so many other things to make music about." "There's friends, and good times, beer, love, all kinds of shit." "* Send the beaners Back down to Mexico *" "* Send the beaners Back down to Mexico *" "* Send the beaners Back down to Mexico *" "* Where they come from *" "Adios, burritos!" "Ha, ha, ha!" "Hasta los huevos." "Oh, Lord." "Mexicans."