"Dana:" "Ladies and gentlemen, three minutes to air." "Can I have first team in the studio?" "Dan, Casey, that's you." "" " Casey, Dan, let's go." "" " Come on, I'm still here." "" " Who's he on the phone with?" "" " Ted Lewis." "You'r e assistant athletic dir ector." "Don't tell me you wer en't on the call." "Ar e you nervous about something?" "" " No." "" " Really?" "All right, Ted, I'm gonna get my notes right now." "Natalie, we might have something coming in f rom Chapel Hill, so tell Dana." "You'r e not nervous about the Esquire piece?" "No." "God, no." "" " You seem nervous." "" " I'm not." "Well, have you seen it yet?" "" " The Esquire piece?" "" " Yes." "No." "" " You didn't get an advanced copy?" "" " Nope." "" " I'd be nervous." "" " I'm not." "" " So you said." "Now, if I'm nervous about anything, it's that I think I have a stalker." "" " A stalker, who?" "" " Mm-hmm." "" " One of the "CSC Morning" aerobics women." "" " Sandy?" "" " Is her name Sandy?" "" " Randy?" "" " Mandy." "" " Mandy." "" " Madeline." "Casey:" "Natalie!" "Oh!" "Uh, I'm sorry." "You want a minute and a half with a 30-second QA?" "" " Yeah, but get me some elbow room, and get Kim." "So, if I appear nervous about anything, that's it." "It's the prospect of being stalked by a fitness prof essional, and it's not at all owing to this magazine article that's coming out tomorrow." "But can I just say one thing about " "Ex cuse me!" "Hey, would you let her go?" "" " Sorry." "" " Casey!" "Yeah." "Ted, I will mention the word "Heisman"" "in connection with Gerardi's name f or the next 12 weeks." "Just give me this one." "Dana:" "Dan, Casey, to the studio." "Can you hang on a second, Ted?" "Thanks." "What?" "Natalie says my stalker's name is Mandy." "Really?" "I don't know what the hell we'r e talking about." "Hey, Casey, Natalie said you need me." "Yeah." "Uh, Ted, hold on a second." "Yeah, I want you to work Ted Lewis." "Get him to say they'r e firing Zapod, and they'r e gonna promote the off ensive coordinator." "" " It's on line 12." "" " Ted, it's Kim." "You wer e in town, and you didn't call me." "And have Elliott flag me as soon as you've got it!" "It's not like I'm not used to being written about." "" " Yeah, sur e." "" " Right?" "Once again, I don't know what the hell we'r e talking about." "Hey, look, everybody!" "It's two sports anchors." "And that's a good br eak f or us 'cause we'r e about to do a sports show." "" " Sarcasm, thy name is Dana." " 30 seconds." "Toby Benes has a no-hitter in the seventh." "Put Benes in the teaser." "If he takes it to the ninth, we'll patch it in on one." " 15." " 14." "14's gone." "It's 15." "" " Well, get it." "" " Got it." "" " We shouldn't put it in the tease." "" " Why not?" "" " It's bad luck." "" " It's bad luck?" "To talk about a no-hitter." "" " It's bad luck f or the pitcher?" "" " Yes." "We don't work f or the pitcher." "That puts us in a hell of a dilemma." "Actually, I'm fine." "In 3...2...1 ." "Good evening, everybody." "From New York City," "I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall." "Those stories, plus we'r e gonna hook up with the Big East and the Big Ten." "And we'll take you to Jacobs Field wher e Toby Benes is working on a no-hitter in the seventh." "All that coming up after this." "You'r e watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around." "" " We'r e out." "" " We're back in 60." "So, the stalker has a name?" "Yeah, Mandy." "I thought it was Sandy." "Randy!" "Mandy " " Madeline." "About teasing the no-hitter, it was a tough call, and I just wanted to tell you that while I didn't agr ee with the decision," "I have a lot of r espect f or you f or making it." "Benes just lost the no-hitter." "Don't blame yourself." "Thank you." "Oh, Casey, how many times ar e you gonna r ead it?" "I'm searching f or nuance." "How much trouble is Danny in?" "Look, don't get me wrong." "Dan's my closest f riend." "I like to think of our r elationship as selfless, but at the moment I'm not as concerned about him as I am about -- how shall I say -- " " You?" "" " Me, yes." "I'm concerned about this sense -- this sense that everything that's written about the two of us -- that Dan is cool, and I am..." "" " What is the word?" "" " Not." "Yes, that Dan is cool, and I am not." "Ther e is this sense -- ther e is this perception " "Hey, I need to talk to you." "Ther e is a perception in the pr ess never mor e clear than in this article that I'm not cool." "Now wher e do you think this perception comes f rom?" "" " I think it comes f rom r eality." "" " Really?" "Come -- talk to me." "" " It could be his haircut." "" " Hey, I heard that." "So, how much trouble is Dan gonna be in?" "It depends if Sachs has seen it." "" " Sachs has seen it." "" " It's been on the newsstand f or f our hours, and Sachs has seen it?" "" " Sachs has seen it." "" " Well, then we can anticipate a certain degr ee of trouble." "Didn't Isaac tell you to keep an eye out f or him when the two of you wer e doing pr ess?" "" " Yes." "" " What happened?" "I'm working out some kinks in the system." "Ther e's a lawyer over her e with a guy f rom Standards and Practices." "We have standards and practices?" "It's a whole wing of the " "No, I mean we have actual standards and practices?" "So you don't think it's serious?" "I'll tell you what I think is serious is this perception -- this sense " "Casey." "[ Sighs ] Dana..." "He belongs to a fly-by-night organization that supports the legalization of marijuana, and he said so in a magazine." "Is the network gonna be happy about it?" "No." "Is Sachs gonna order someone to order someone to slap him on the knuckles?" "Probably." "In the scheme of things, a much larger issue is that I am cool." "I'm completely cool, huh?" "And you dr ess cool." "That's right." "Wait, that was a dig, wasn't it?" "" " Casey!" "" " What, you think it's the clothes?" "I think it's the haircut." "Ex cuse me?" "She said she thinks it's the haircut." "Thank you." "Look -- now what can I do f or you?" "Jer emy is cutting his first highlight package today." "Good." "" " It's the Cubs/Marlins day game at Wrigley." "" " That's fine." "" " It's a day game." "" " Yes." "Ther e'll be plenty of time to make any changes that need to be made." "Right." "Will you look at it when it's done and give him f eedback?" "" " Yeah." "" " Thanks." "Is ther e anything else?" "Well, uh, don't you want to know why I'm not doing it?" "If you think you need to tell me." "I may have certain f eelings f or Jer emy." "" " Ah." "" " I think it's possible that I have f eelings." "" " Okay." "" " I think these f eelings could interf er e with my judgment as f ar as his work is concerned." "I admir e your prof essionalism." "These f eelings have been growing inside of me like a rush or a surge " "I think this is a little mor e than I need to know about -- " " Fine." "" " Okay, thanks." "" " Hey." "" " Hey." "" " You'll be nice to him?" "" " Yeah." "" " It's his first time." "" " I know." "" " Be nice." "" " I will." "Jer emy is cutting his first highlight tape." "" " Casey's gonna look at it." "" " Good." "Yeah, I'd look at it myself, but I have certain f eelings -- " " Natalie!" "" " Fine!" "Hey, speaking of certain f eelings," "I couldn't help but notice by the elevators this morning that Mandy the aerobics stalker seemed to be showing no inter est in you whatsoever." "That's how the game is played." "Oh, yeah." "Her disinter est was a perf ormance." "Well, she's good." "Yeah, I'll say." "" " Hey, what time is your meeting?" "" " Right now." "" " Wher e?" "" " Isaac's office." "And yet you'r e her e." "Yeah, I'm making him wait f or me." "Why?" "It's part of my strategy." "Yeah?" "Well, it sounds pr etty sophisticated." "Yep." "Danny..." "We did the interview f or this piece thr ee months ago." "I don't want to pile it on or anything, but when you know something like this is gonna happen, you might want to tell me about it in advance." "Casey, they completely missed the point." "I didn't know they wer e gonna completely miss the point thr ee months in advance." "Well, what was the point?" "The point was that any law that makes criminals out of 15 million Americans is probably not such a good idea." "The point was that drug abuse isn't a criminal issue, it's a health car e issue." "And the money and manpower that we spend prosecuting a surf er in San Diego might better be used fighting things that genuinely thr eaten our national health and saf ety." "That was the point." "" " Well, then they completely missed the point." "" " Yes." "Hey, can I change the subject a second?" "" " Please." "" " What's up with me not being cool?" "" " What is up with that?" "" " I love music." "" " I have a gr eat appr eciation of music." "" " Dude, I've been in your car." "You've got the Starland Vocal Band singing "Afternoon Delight."" "That's right." "Wait, I do not have the Starland Vocal Band." "It's not like I went out and bought the single." "It's on my "Time-Lif e:" "Sounds of the Seventies."" "Well, ther e you have it." "[ Sighs ]" "How can I be cool again?" "I'm a newly divorced man." "I'm young." "I used to be cool." "I need to be cool again." "Help me be cool again." "Well, first I'd have to disabuse you of the notion that you wer e ever cool bef or e." "All right, go to your meeting." "I told you I'm makin' 'em wait." "No, you'r e makin' 'em mad." "No, I'm making them anxious." "I think you'r e just makin' 'em mad." "I think Isaac specifically is mad." "No, Isaac's on my team." "Isaac understands me." "Isaac has a highly developed sense of right and wrong, and he is hip to my battle plan." "Danny, he's standing right behind you." "How you doin'?" "Casey and I wer e just talking about your highly developed sense of right and wrong, and I was saying " "Go sit your sorry ass down in that meeting." "On my way, sir." "" " Hey, Isaac." "" " Yeah?" "You think I'm cool, don't you?" "Do I look like I'm in the mood to do this now?" "Not r eally." "Then let's assume I'm not." "Dan:" "I was not encouraging people to take drugs." "" " That's ridiculous." "" " That's how it r eads." "" " It's not how it r eads to me." "" " That's how it r eads to us." "" " You'r e r eading it wrong." "" " That's how it r eads to Luther Sachs." "I don't know if you've noticed, but we're fighting a war against drugs in this county." "How's it goin' so f ar?" "" " Danny..." "" " You may find this amusing " "Actually, I don't find it in the least amusing." "Howard Stern did 15 minutes on you this morning." "He said that Dan Rydell lends a whole new meaning to the word "highlights. "" "Howard Stern's a prof essional comedian." "That's his job." "We've alr eady had a call f rom the Partnership For a Drug-Fr ee America." "I happen to be a member of that organization." "Dan, I understand your position, and I don't necessarily disagr ee with it, but this is a sports network." "Our sponsors expect us to project an image of good health and clean living." "I'll think about that the next time I'm reporting on how the Miller Genuine Draft car did in the Winston Cup." "Now, listen, I don't think " "Fellas, he's got a show to pr epar e." "How do we fix this?" "Luther Sachs suggests an apology." "An apology?" "He suggests you take a moment tonight during your broadcast " "He wants an on-air apology?" "" " He's suggesting -- " " To whom?" "To you." "He's suggesting to you." "" " To whom does he want me to apologize?" "" " To your viewers." "What did I do to my viewers?" "The ones who may have r ead this and misinterpr eted." "No, Luther Sachs misinterpr eted." "Luther Sachs is the C.E.O. of a very large company." "Well, thank him f or his suggestion, but tell him I'm gonna r espectf ully pass." "Why don't we just skip down to the end of the page." "You, like every other on-air personality at this network, has a morals clause in your contract." "Ar e you now saying what I did was immoral because Luther Sachs doesn't agr ee with me?" "Most of the country doesn't agr ee with you." "The validity of your r ead on what most of the country thinks not withstanding, Stanley, actions ar e immoral, opinions ar e not." "And I won't apologize f or mine." "Discussion is good." "And for those of us fortunate enough to be the subject of magazine articles, it may be our r esponsibility f rom time to time to try and raise the level of debate." "[ Sighs ] Plus, there's the health insurance issue." "" " Health insurance?" "" " Yes." "What does my insurance policy have to do " "Our insurance policy." "You're quoted in the article as saying you haven't taken drugs in 11 years." "11 years today, as a matter of f act." "And that's true." "11 is an old number." "Yeah, it's also a prime number." "He meant that it's an unusual number." "He meant that you wer e specific." "You didn't say "10 or 15 years."" "You said, "11 years ago today."" "This caught the attention of our insurance company because this is normally the kind of inf ormation that only a r ecovering addict or alcoholic has at their fingertips." "Hell, Isaac!" "Please!" "We carry an expensive policy on you, Dan." "Now you took a physical, and you answer ed questions." "Now we could be on the hook f or insurance f raud her e." "I'm ending this now." "Thank you." "Do what they'r e telling you to do." "" " Really?" "" " Yes." "You think I should apologize?" "No, but you'r e going to anyway." "" " Why?" "" " Because this is television." "And this is how it's done." "Yeah, well, sitting in the back of the bus was how it was done until a 42-year-old lady moved up f ront." "I'm not very impr essed with how things ar e done, Isaac." "Be that as it may, we'll do it tonight." "That's all." "We'r e done." "" " You know, you might -- " " We'r e done, Stanley." "Uh, that was a lot of f un, huh?" "[ Laughs ]" "Yeah." "Take 30 seconds bef or e the second commercial br eak, then get us right back into the show." "You know, I don't have any idea what I'm gonna say." "You'll think of something." "I don't know what I'm supposed to say." "" " Apologize." "" " To who?" "Who car es?" "" " Danny." "" " Yeah?" "You know I love you, don't you?" "Yeah." "And because I love you, I can say this." "No rich, young, white guy has ever gotten anywher e with me comparing himself to Rosa Parks." "Got it?" "Yes, sir." "Good." "[ Door closes ]" "Hey, Jer emy, you got a second?" "You bet." "I looked over your, uh, Cubs/Marlins tape." "" " Yes?" "" " And it's good." "" " Thank you." "" " It's very good." "" " Especially f or your first time out." "" " Thank you very much." "I guess the one note that I would have f or you would be about length." "" " Yes?" "" " Yeah." "Usually we get, uh, 30 to 40 seconds f or each game -- a little bit mor e if it's a game chock-f ull of spectacular plays and/or playoff consequences, and a little bit less if it goes the other way." "But 30 to 40 seconds is usually the rule of thumb." "I see." "And how long did mine run?" "8 1/2 minutes." "Ah." "Yeah." "" " That's long." "" " Yeah, it ran a little over." "Yeah." "I don't know what to do." "You should make it shorter." "I tried everything." "You should try making it shorter." "What's the key?" "" " In this case..." "" " Yeah." "Making it a lot shorter." "I can't imagine what I'd cut." "Well, you start off with Cedric, the leadoff batter in the top of the first inning, despite the f act that nobody scor ed till the fifth inning." "Ther e's action beyond scoring." "Yeah, but Cedric grounded out to the shortstop" " and was throw out at first by quite a large margin." "" " Yeah." "Well, that is what is called a routine ground ball." "In your search f or things that ar e newsworthy, let the word "routine" serve as a danger sign." "Ther e's nothing routine about it." "Casey, the guy's hitting .327" "since the All-Star br eak, he has drawn 22 walks in the leadoff position, and he's a thr eat to steal second every time you put him on." "He f ouled off seven pitches." "" " And you show each and every one of them." "" " You bet I do." "We usually just show the pitch that puts the ball into play." "" " But then you miss the battle." "" " The battle?" "Yeah, he started him off with a f astball up and in." "Then slider away, slider away, comes back with a split-finger ed change, drops the curve off the table, sets him up off-speed, then jams him high and tight." "That's what got him out." "It was a ground ball to the shortstop." "The inevitable conclusion to a job well done." "[ Sighs deeply ]" "We have 14 baseball games to cover." "Yeah." " 30 seconds apiece." "" " Right." "Your tape is 8 1/2 minutes." "I'm at a loss." "You got to make it shorter!" "I'm just not seeing it." "All right, come with me." "Come on." "Dana:" "Animation 18 is a f ull-screen wash." "Is it over the shoulder?" "" " I think it's over the shoulder." "" " It's over the shoulder." "" " And that's..." " 2 for 9 inside the red zone." "Dave, is it the monitors, or is the background on the drop starting to look beige?" "It's not beige." "It's tan." "It's the gels." "" " It's not the gels." "It's the monitors." "" " It's the gels." "Well, take a look at it, because it's starting to give me a headache." "" " You want some aspirin?" "" " I want you to fix the monitors." "" " It's the gels." "" " Take it outside." "" " Back her e at 10:00." "" " Oh!" "Dan needs a little time bef or e the second br eak." "We'll come out of Kyle's r emote," "Casey will throw it to Dan f or 45 seconds, and he'll take us to commercial." "He's r eally gonna apologize?" "" " Yeah." "" " To who?" "I don't write Dan's scripts." "Thank you, everybody." "Have you checked on the guys?" "Dan's in r esearch, and Casey's in editing with Jer emy." "" " Do they need anything?" "" " Casey needs a woman." "Casey needs a woman?" "He needs a woman." "Don't start that." "" " He needs a woman, Dana." "" " Mnh." "He's a single man living his lif e in an empty apartment." "He got divorced two weeks ago." "He needs spoons." "He needs f orks." "He needs a woman." "I don't want to talk about this." "Run me through the promo." "" " Now, should we be -- " " He's r eaching out!" "" " He's not r eaching out." "" " He's r eaching right out to you!" "He's not r eaching anywher e near me." "" " You'r e missing the signs." "" " I am not missing the signs." "Wait, r eally?" "Reaching right out to you!" "Casey:" "We've been at this for two hours now, which is just slightly longer than your coverage of the seventh-inning str etch." "[ Knock on glass ]" "How's it going in ther e!" "It's going r eal good." "Casey and I ar e having some very healthy cr eative diff er ences." "Casey listens to the Starland Vocal Band, so " "Go away f rom me now!" "" " Shout if you need me!" "" " Now!" "Okay, this section her e wher e the batter taps dirt off his shoe and spits f our times -- " " We can't cut that!" "" " Jer emy!" "Well, the storm clouds ar e gathering." "[ Sighs ] All right, just out of curiosity, what voiceover would you have me write f or this moment?" "What's wrong with "The Storm Clouds Ar e Gathering"?" "The storm clouds ar en't gathering." "He's cleaning his shoe." "He's br eaking Carr era's pitching rhythm." "" " The battle?" "" " The battle." "The battle." "Okay, look -- if people just want the scor e, they can listen to the radio." "We have an opportunity to aff ect their appr eciation of baseball." "God knows you've aff ected mine." "Casey, what ar e you working on?" "An epic miniseries." "It's the Cubs/Marlins." "I got to make room f or Danny's apology." "Just give me the double off the wall, the homer in the fifth, and the error at third." "" " That's a travesty." "" " I need it in my hands right now." "Casey, we'r e on the air in 15 minutes." "All right." "I got to go change, Jer emy." "The storm clouds ar e gathering." "Also, Lyle's interview is gonna be live." "I got that note." "" " You got it?" "" " Yep." "" " I wasn't sur e you got it." "" " I did." "" " Casey." "" " Yeah?" "Do you have spoons?" "I'm sorry." "Do you have spoons and a f ork?" "" " Do I have spoons and a f ork?" "" " To eat with." "Yeah, I know what they'r e f or." "I just thought 'cause you've only been in the new apartment a couple of weeks, and with these hours I thought maybe you " "No, I've bought myself spoons and a f ork." "" " Good." "" " Yeah." "" " Good." "" " Okay, well..." "You got a whisk?" "A whisk?" "Yes." "That's the thing you " "For scrambled eggs." "You " " You stir it r eally f ast in a bowl." "" " I can't just use the f ork?" "" " Truthf ully, yes." "" " I got to go change." "" " Yeah." "Yeah." "Let's go." "Um, show time." "All right, come on!" "Let's go, everybody!" "Let's get in the zone!" "Casey: ...where the Bears were 2 for 9 inside the red zone." "For that we'll take you to Kelly Kirkpatrick in Chicago." "" " Kelly." "" " Thank you, Casey." "Dan, Casey, we'll be back on you in 45 seconds." "Dana:" "Casey, just a heads-up." "Take your time on the scoreboard filler." "We'r e gonna have a 20-second gap on the r ecap." "" " Got it." "" " You know who I didn't see today?" "" " Mandy the healthy stalker?" "" " That's right." "That's 'cause she's not stalking you." "" " Did you talk to him about -- " " Yes." "" " Did he?" "" " No." "" " Did you talk to him about spoons and f orks?" "" " Yes." " 20 seconds." "" " Uh, come in f or a landing, Kelly." "Is it just me, or is the set turning beige?" "" " It's the gels." "" " It's the monitors." "In 10." "Jer emy, you did a good job on that Cubs/Marlins game." "I only wish you could have seen the tape bef or e the lif e was sucked out of it by f orces entir ely beyond my control." "Jer emy." "I know exactly how you f eel." "" " Quiet, please." "" " Casey, stand by." "...take you back to our "Sports Night" studio in New York." "Thank you, Kelly Kirkpatrick." "We'll be bringing you mor e on that story on "NFL Kickoff,"" "Sunday morning, 10:00 Eastern Standard Time, and 1:00 if you'r e watching us in Brussels." "Dan." "This network, the Continental Sports Channel, has asked me to clarify some r emarks I made in a publication that hit your newsstands this morning." "It is possible that one could come away f rom this article with the impr ession that I don't believe that drugs ar e a destructive and deadly f orce on our cultur e, our economy, and on the lives of our childr en." "Uh-oh." "" " Talk to me, Dana." "" " Stay with him." "Casey, be ready to take us to commercial." "Come on, Daniel." "I have a younger brother named Sam." "Sam's a genius." "I mean literally." "As a kid, he tested off the charts." "The first computer I ever had, he built f rom a kit he bought with money he earned tutoring other kids in math." "He's energetic and articulate, curious and f unny, a gr eat source of pride to our par ents." "And ther e's no doubt that he'd be living a gr eat lif e right now ex cept f or that he's dead." "'Cause when you'r e 14 years old, all you ever r eally want to be when you grow up is your 16-year-old brother, and in my case, that meant smoking a lot of dope." "The day I went off to college was the day that Sam got his driver's license, and he celebrated by taking a drive with some of his f riends... drunk and high as a paper kite." "He never saw the red light that he ran, and he probably never saw the 18-wheel truck that put him into the side of a brick bank either." "That was 11 years ago tonight, and I just wanted to say..." "I'm sorry, Sam." "You deserved better in my hands, and I apologize." "That's all." "Casey and I will be right back after this with the American League wrap-up." "You'r e watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so don't go away." "We'r e out." "[ "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band plays ]" " 'Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight ' " " Can I just say one mor e thing about the Starland Vocal Band?" " 'Gonna grab ' " " Sur e." " 'Some afternoon delight ' -- 1978, they win the Grammy f or Best New Artist." " 'My motto's always been "When it's right, it's right" ' " " You know who they beat?" "Elvis Costello." " 'Why wait until the middle ' " " Now, is it your belief that Elvis Costello isn't cool?" " 'Of a cold, dark night?" "' " " No, it's my belief that the Grammy voters ar en't cool." " 'When everything's ' " " Now they tell me." "" " Hey, I've been tryin' to tell   'A little clearer ' " " Who else isn't cool that I thought was cool?" " 'ln the light of day ' " " Is Nicholson cool?" "" " Oh, yeah, Nicholson's cool." "" " J.D. Salinger?" "" " Yes." " 'And we know the night is always ' " " The muppets?" "" " Yes, but not..." " 'Gonna be here anyway ' " " Ther e's a subtle distinction." "You got to f eel it." " 'Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite ' " " Zamfir, master of the pan flute?" " 'Lookin' forward to a little ' " " Very, very cool." "" " Really?" " 'Afternoon delight ' " " Yes." "" " Yeah?" "'Rubbin' sticks and stones together '"