"Roger." "Roger, here!" "Here, Roger!" "Oh, Roger, you useless dog!" "Come along, sweetheart." "Come on!" "Come on." "Come on!" "There's a good girl." " Poor thing." " (Dog whines)" " Can't stop being sick." " (Dog vomits)" " Urgh!" " Goddamn sick puppy dog!" " What dog, Spiro?" " It's your mother's." "Your mother's." "The one that she has been given." "He is sick all over my seats, Master Gerrys." "On the journeys." "All the ways, he throws and throws and throws." "(Sighs)" "It is awfuls." "Oh, isn't it sweet?" "(Larry) Oh, no." "This is the most revolting animal yet to be brought into this family." "You can't tell which end is which." "What possessed you, Mother?" "The man that had it said it had been abandoned." "I can't think why." "It looked so sad." "Apparently, It 's a sad breed." " A breed?" " What's it bred for?" "Oh, look!" "It's been sick on my foot." "It's been sick all the time." "All over poor Spiro's car seats." " And me." " What's wrong with him?" "Oh, it isn't a him, it's a her." "A female sea slug." "Her name is Dodo." "And she's a breed." "Come on, darling." "She's a Lhasa apso." "I don't believe it." "You mean somebody actually produced that shape?" "Dachshunds are much the same shape, to go down the holes after badgers." "Well, what does she go down after?" "Sewage?" "No wonder she can't stop vomiting." " Oh, Larry." " Are you mad, Mother?" "I think you must be." "A bitch?" "Has It escaped your notice that all our other three dogs are males?" "Larry, you always bring everything down to sex." "Apparently, they're very faithful." "Well, they'd have to be." "Maggie!" "Say Spiro." "Spiro." "Spi-ro." "(Tuts)" "Spir-o." " Spiro!" " (Squawks)" "(As parrot) Say Spiro." "(Squawks)" "(Pig snorting)" " (Dog barking) - (Speaks Greek)" "(Replies in Greek)" "(Pig snorting)" " Roger!" " (Barks)" "(Bird calls)" "Look, Roger." "Snakes!" "Isn't It beautiful?" "It's beautiful." "Scales like a fir cone." "You can see them." "(Flies buzzing)" "(Cicadas chirrup)" "(Flies buzzing)" "What about the other one?" "Roger, stay here." "I'm going to see if I can get her husband." "(Roger whines)" "(Roger barks frantically)" "Shut up, Roger." "I think I can feel it wriggling about my feet." "It must be here somewhere." "Got him!" "Got him, Roger!" " Got him!" "Got him!" " (Roger barks)" "(Speaks Greek)" "Oh, and your health too." "Ah." "These serpents are of course quite harmless, as you know." "Thank you." "(Flies buzzing)" "(Speaks Greek)" "Roger." "You are a stranger." "Yes." "I'm English." "I'm living here with my family." "There's my mother, two brothers." "One of them writes all the time." "He's the eldest." "And the other - well, he shoots." "At everything." "Oh, yes!" "And there's my sister, Margo." "Well, I'd better be going now." " Where do you go?" " To the sea." "I need a good wash." "Then I might find some cockles to eat." "I go to the sea also, to my boat." "(Gerald) Are you a fisherman?" "Do you come from here?" "Yes." "My home was here." "But now I am at Vido." " Vido?" " Yes." "I am a convict." "Vido is the prison island." "Yes, I know that." "Have you been released?" "(Laughs) Not at all." "That is my luck." "I have two more years." "I have to be back on Monday morning." "Oh." "So sometimes they let you out?" "Those of us who are persuasive." "(Gull squawking)" "Ah, is this your boat?" "Yes." "Take care." "He is vicious." " (Squawks loudly) - (Speaks Greek)" "He never lets anyone touch him without biting." "He must like you, huh?" "He's magnificent!" "Yes, he is." "How did you catch him?" "It was easy." "What a bird he is." "You're very lucky to have a bird like that." "Do you think you could possibly find a baby gull for me this spring?" "You like them?" "Yes." " You want one?" " What?" "Of course!" "You may have him." " Don't you want him?" " He bites everybody." "All the other prisoners." "They do not like him." "I let him go." "He will not go." "I like him." "But..." "He's huge - but so light!" "Yes, he is." "He knows his name." "He'll come when you call." "I call him Alecko." "Tomorrow I will bring you some fish for him." "Thank you!" "Adio!" "Bye!" "(Gull squawks angrily)" "What on earth is that?" "Look what he did." " He's wonderful." " He bit you!" " Yes." "He bites everyone." " (Panicked squawking)" " Er, is it an eagle?" " No, It 's a herring gull, Margo." "Who's playing bagpipes?" " What on earth is that?" " It's a new bird Gerry's got." " Isn't it fearsome?" " Oh, my God, it's an albatross." "Get It out." "We'll all go down with something." "Even having the feathers in the house is 100 years' bad luck and doomed to wander." "That's nonsense, dear." "That's..." "That's peacocks." "It wasn't a peacock that did it for the ancient mariner, it was one of those bloody things." "It's gnashing its teeth!" "What a whacking great gull." " They don't have teeth." " What did that to your arm?" "Its tail feathers?" "It's gnashing at something." "(Squawks)" " (Liquid splashing)" " Oh, dear." "What was that?" "I think it's called guano." "About two gallons of it." " (Trickling)" " We'll have to wear waders." "Get it out of here at once." "In fact, all of you, get out." "You'll spread It everywhere." "I've got the vicar coming." "Oh, dear!" "Now, this one is called Alecko." "Can you say Alecko?" "He's very fierce, as you can see." "Alecko." "Well, try Spiro, then." "Spi-ro." "Spiro." "So nice of you to come." " Good afternoon, Gerald." " Good afternoon." "(Angry squawking)" " It's the Reverend Harcum." " Hm." "He plays cricket." "Huh!" "All he wants is money and wickets." "Money and wickets." "Hey." "I plays cricket." "How's that, Reverend?" "(Guffaws)" "I..." "I do hope you like egg sandwiches for tea." "Oh." "Cucumber sandwiches would be much nicer." "Cucumbers?" "Er..." "Would you, er..." "How's the little dog?" "Mrs Harcum, my wife, tells me it will let you go nowhere." "I should not be surprised if some day you should bring it to church." "But I'm bound to say that I should not allow it inside." "(Dogs scuffling and grunting)" "(Dog walls)" "Sex." "Mother." "I'm afraid Dodo's being passionate with Roger." "(Laughs) Oh, dear." "How affectionate." "Spiro, fetch a bucket of water." "I fetch yous twos." "(Dogs whimpering happily)" "Er, now." "I've got something on my shoe." "Ah!" "Yes." "That will be..." "Iguano." "I'm not sure what it's good for, but isn't it very useful?" "(Mrs Durrell) I'd quite forgot I had it." "Thank you for the fish for Alecko." "What is your name and...what are you in prison for?" "I am Kosti Panapoulos." "I killed my wife." "Until tomorrow, uh?" "(Speaks Greek)" "You know, I don't know why the Harcums bothered to call." "A cup of tea, not even a sandwich, and they were gone." "Every step they took, they were up to their armpits in..." "Larry." "Guano." "Oh, Gerry, what lovely fish!" "How clever of you." " How shall I cook them?" " Cook?" " They have to be eaten raw." " Oh, no, I don't think so, dear." "They're not for you, Mother." "They're for Alecko." "(Magpie) Spiro!" "Spiro!" " The magpies!" " What?" " They've done it." " Well, I'm blowed!" " Spiro!" " (Spiro) Hello!" "(All laugh)" "Yes, Mrs Durrells?" "It wasn't me, Spiro." "It was them." "Who's thems?" "(Magpie) Spiro!" "Oh!" "It's magenpies." " (Laughs) It's the goddamn magenpies!" " (Magpie) Spiro!" "Spiro!" "Honest to Gods, the things that Master Gerrys does!" " (All laugh)" " Spiro!" "Goddamn magenpies." "If it's OK, Mrs Durrells, I go back to my house." "Of course." "We'll see you tomorrow?" "Of course." "Goodbye!" "Goodbye, Spiro." "(Magpie) Spiro!" "Spiro!" "I don't mind the magenpies in a cage, it's that blasted albatross." "It isn't an albatross." "It certainly is, as you'll find out when the cyclone hits us." " What cyclone?" " Or hurricane, or tidal wave." " Don't blame me If we're hit by one." " Why, dear?" "Albatrosses always bring bad weather as well as bad luck." " And it's started." " How has it started?" " It's peacocks that are unlucky." " (Magpie) Spiro!" "I know because an aunt of mine had feathers in the house, and the cook died." "How has it started?" " What, the cyclone?" " No, the bad luck." "Oh." "Dodo being impregnated by Roger." "It's very bad luck." "We don't know that she was." "She's looking frightfully pleased with herself." "A bit like Mother did when she had you." "That's enough, dear." "Poor Dodo." "At least she's friends with the other dogs now." "Where did you get it?" "The gull?" "The other day I was out catching these water..." "Don't say it!" "Snakes." " Sorry, Leslie." " I hate them!" " So do I." " Not as much as I do." " I admit it." " I met this man." "He's a convict." "He's a what, dear?" "He's a convict." "He's allowed home for the weekends." "He gave me those fish for Alecko." "I don't like the idea of you going about with a convict." " You never know what he's done." " I know perfectly well what he's done." "He's killed his wife, that's all." "He..." "He's a murderer?" "Why's he wandering around the countryside?" "Why didn't they hang him?" "They don't have a death penalty, except for bandits." "You get three years for murder and five years for dynamiting fish." "That's a nice sense of the importance of things." "(Magpie) Spiro!" "(Whistling)" "(Spiro sings in Greek) lt takes twice as long by boat." "Yes, I know." "But poor Dodo can't...can't travel by car." "She vomits all the time." "Not by sea." "Oh, no." "No, people who are carsick are never seasick." "Un...er...fortunately, and, er, this may prove your theory..." "I have never, so far, ever been sick in a car." "But I am always sick in a boat." "(Sings in Greek)" "(Whistles tune)" "Lovely!" "(Spiro whistling)" "Perhaps the sea will remain calm for you, Theodore." "Un...er...fortunately, it is of no importance." "Er...it's motion." "I've even been forced to leave the cinema when films have been shown of ships at sea." "Any sea." "(Groans weakly)" "Vacate my seat." "Help!" "(Theodore) Help!" "Hello!" "(Mrs Durrell) Help!" " (Theodore vomits) - (Mrs Durrell) Help!" "Help!" "(Retches)" "Help!" "Ah." "Echidna." "Or, er, possibly as you would know it, a sea urchin." "Put him in." "We'll take him home." "Ah." "Now..." "These creatures are quite, er, fascinating." "The, er..." "Notice his armour, the spines, and the, erm... er, pseudopods." "Here." "They are...testing the water to find out if there is anything to eat and also to orientate the creature." " You see, he's turning over." " Yes, he's moving." "You put him in upside down." "He recognises that and is trying to get the right way up." "Yes!" "Hey!" "Mrs Durrells!" "See?" "What a heavenly place." "(Sighs) I could lie here forever." "Having food and wine pressed into my mouth by naked dryads." "Eventually, by breathing deeply and evenly..." "I should embalm myself in this scent." "This heavenly scent." "Embalming is a...fascinating subject." "The, erm..." "The Ancient Egyptians had it to a fine art." "(Laughs)" "Ingenious the way they extracted the brain through the, er... nose." " Sort of hook." " Mm." "Up through the nostrils and, er..." "(Smacks lips)" "Dragging it down, yes." "Larry, dear, we are trying to eat." "And after that voyage..." " (Margo) We thought you were enjoying it." " Well, I am now." "(Theodore) It certainly is a very, very...beautiful place." "(Mrs Durrell) It is." "A glorious place." "I should like to be buried here." " (Squawks angrily)" " Ow!" "Ow!" "That's my ankle." "Blood!" "(Squawks)" "(Cicadas chirrup)" " Thank you." " No, thank you." " Oh, are you going?" " Yes." "Well, thank you for the fish." " I do hope you haven't been bored." " No, I'm never bored." "No." "Kosti's never bored." "That's very good." "Because you know what they say." "The devil makes..." "Mother means to say she can see you're not an idle man." "Bye." "Goodbye." "(Kosti and Theodore speak Greek)" "He seems such a nice man." "Not a bit like a murderer." "What do you expect?" "Harelip?" "Club foot?" "Knife in one hand, a bottle marked "poison" in the other?" "Don't be silly, dear." "But I thought he might have looked a bit more..." "Well, you know..." "Murderous." "Well, you shouldn't go on appearances." "I could have told you at once he was a murderer." "How?" "Nobody but a murderer would have thought of giving Gerry that albatross." "Look, blood!" "Mrs Durrell." "Gerry is going to have to go to school." "Yes, I know." "A real school." "Yes, he must receive a more, er... sensible education." "Isn't it sad?"