"By Mikhel for Subtitulos.es ==SPREAD THE WORD==" "Beavis and Butt-Head S09E03 "Holy Cornholio"" "[both laughing]" "Tighter!" "Tighter!" "Look at his face." "[Both laughing]" "Butt-Head, I got an idea." "Check this out." "[Both laughing]" "That's cool." "Hey, you guys shouldn't be in here, my dad will be mad." "Yeah?" "Well, you're too old to be playing with dolls, Stewart." "Yeah, we're doing this for your own good." "Just trying to help." "Screw his butt." "[Beavis laughing]" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Huh-huh." "Butt-Head!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Huh-huh, it's in his butt." "Aah!" "It hurts!" " Uh, I wouldn't know." " Aah!" "Oh, yeah." "No, I mean the screw, like, went into my hand." "Come on, get it out." "Oh, my God!" "He's bleeding!" "Cool." "Uh, don't worry." "I'll fix it." "Come on, Butt-Head, do something." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Settle down, Beavis." "Huh-huh." "[Muttering]" "Uh, okay, this is gonna, like, hurt you a lot more than it's gonna hurt me." "Now, hold still, dumbass." "Huh-huh." "[Drill whirring]" "[Screams]" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Cut it out, bunghole!" "Oh, my God!" "Uh, I think this screwdriver's, like, broken or something." "Oh, my God." "Butt-Head, you've got to get Beavis to the hospital!" "Don't worry, Beavis." "It's not the first time you screwed your hand." "Huh-huh." "Oh, yeah." "Heh-heh." "Aah." "Ow." "Aah." " Oh, no!" " Nice!" "My waiter's a lean cuisine." "He has a nice smile, straight teeth." "Perfect-o." "Do you have phone number?" "Yeah." "Do you want me to have your phone number?" "[Laughs]" "Those Italian dudes are like," ""I cannot get Italian girls." ""They all think I am loser because I am a busboy and I live with my mom."" " Heh-heh." " "Yes, but American girls oh, yeah, yeah."" "Heh-heh." "I'm usually like an easy girl." "Easy girl, okay." "Semplice." "I'm not that." ""But I have watched season 2 and 3 of Jersey shore." "I know this is not true."" ""Yes, you are easy, like whore." "This is why I'm with you."" ""You're not my first choice, but you are the sluttiest." "I work my way up from you to snooki, then to jwoww."" "We'll be right here eating popcorn while you guys get it in." "I come off as, like, a hard exterior and, like, I can take, like, when the boys pick on me." "Yeah, she has a hard exterior." "But deep inside she has a soft, nasty, slutty center." "[Both laughing]" "I should never have... go!" "Go!" "Heh-heh." "Get in there and have sex with him now!" "Heh-heh." "You're wasting all our time." "Yeah, what tv show do you think you're on here?" "Come on!" "Heh-heh, heh-heh." "[Guitar plays]" "This dude's like, "she will not put out." "How about I jump in bed with you guys?"" "[Both laughing]" ""I am soft like woman."" "Heh-heh." "He realized he has to go fill water glasses." "[Both laughing]" "Uh, Beavis screwed his hand." "Huh-huh." "A doll." "Yes, he has a doll." "I see." "Yeah." "How's it goin'?" "Give me." "No!" "Ow!" "Aah!" "Cut it out, butthole!" "[Grunts]" "Mr. Beavis?" "A doctor will see you now." "Huh-huh." "You might die." "Shut up, Butt-Head." "There's nothing more I can do." "I'm sorry." "[Man and woman crying] Beloved." "Oh." "Oh." "Do not fear, my children." "Soon I will transition to a new plane." "But first, leave me and sister Mona alone so I can share my sacred essence with her..." "One more time." "Wait." "Beloved, you said you will come back to us in a new vessel." "How will we know you on your return?" "[Monitor beeping]" "[Groans weakly, gasping]" "[Monitor beeping rapidly, flatline]" "So, like, uh..." "Is this where the screw penetrated the action figure's butt?" " Uh, yes." " Huh-huh." "I believe that is where the screw made its point of entry." "Yeah, huh-huh." ""Entry."" "Here's the thing." "I won't be able to remove it by simple extraction without further damaging the surrounding soft tissues." "That's what happens when Beavis screws his hand." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "[Both laughing] "Tissues."" " Uh, do you need to be here?" " Ow." "Uh, yeah." " Okay." " Heh-heh." "Ow." " Huh-huh." " Damn it." " Leave these on for a week." " Mm-hmm." "I'm gonna let your friend hold these for you." "These will help manage the pain." "You should take one, three to four times daily." " Okay?" " Yeah, okay." "But no more than that." "Sometimes these can cause hyperactivity, especially in younger people, okay?" "Take care, boys." " Cool." " Huh-huh." "Uh, how many did he say?" "Come on, Butt-Head, give me my painkiller vitamin things." " Huh-huh." " Butthole." "[Crunching pills]" "Ahh." "[Gulps]" "That's better." "Not bad." "A little bitter, but..." "[Muttering rapidly]" "Whoa, hospitals are cool." "[Continues muttering]" "We should just, like, hang out here." "Huh-huh." "[All chanting, praying]" " [Muttering rapidly]" " Settle down, Beavis." "He's so beautiful." "What are you guys gonna name him?" "Well, we've always liked the name Theo." "I am Cornholio!" "You will name your baby Bungholio!" "Heh-heh." "Yeah." "Is he an albino?" "[Muttering rapidly]" "Julio Bungholio!" "Heh-heh." "He will be an albino and a gringo!" "Uh, are you gonna feed him with your boob?" "Huh-huh." "That would be cool." "Huh-huh." "Heh-heh." "Is that guy dead, or is he just, like, sleeping?" "I don't know, but either way it's cool." "Yeah." "[Both laughing]" "¶ It's so cold in the "D" ¶" "¶ how the fuck do we supposed to keep peace?" "¶ uh, is this Real Housewives of Detroit?" "Heh-heh." "¶ It's so cold in the "D" ¶" "¶ how the fuck do we supposed to keep peace?" "¶ uh, I think that chick in the back is dancing to a different song." " Huh-huh." " Yeah." "Heh-heh." "¶ I'm having visions of how we used to hang and bang ¶ hanging and banging." "¶ It's bad for your health ¶ [both laughing]" " Yeah, stacking' papers, yeah." " Heh-heh." "¶ It's hard in the "D" when you're tryin' to keep peace ¶" "I'm lost." "¶ You don't have to worry about those fancy shits ¶" "¶ tryin' to throw taxes at you, giving you stress ¶" "¶ it's so cold in the "D" ¶" "Ba-bum-bum." "¶ It's so cold in the "D" ¶ huh-huh." "Uh, this is hard to dance to." "¶ All the real niggas gone, and the worms are left ¶" "¶ it's so cold in the "D" ¶" "¶ how the fuck do we supposed to keep peace?" "¶" "¶ what's all on a fucked up mind ¶ something's off." "¶ Workin' and doing time ¶" "¶ it's so cold... ¶" "I think she was in Lion King." "Huh-huh." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Yeah, I like her better in this, though, you know?" "Heh-heh." "Yeah." "This rules." "Huh-huh." "¶ It's so cold in the "D" ¶" "why would the beloved have health insurance?" "He is the light, the leader." "Beloved?" "You mean Myron Turtlebaum?" "Yes, now, why would the beloved need health insurance, since he is the essence of all that is healthy and pure?" "Well, "the essence" didn't have any health insurance." " I am Cornholio!" " So I'm gonna..." "I have polio in my bunghole!" "Heh-heh." "Yeah!" " This is cool." " [Muttering rapidly]" "Interesting." "He speaks in tongues, just as the beloved said he would on his return." "Is it possible?" "[Continues muttering]" "Excuse me, young brother." "May we ask you a question?" "Are you threatening me?" "My bunghole will ask the questions!" "Heh-heh." "Why do I not use T.P. For my pee-pee?" "Heh-heh." "The beloved always did like riddles." "You will belove my bunghole!" "Heh-heh." "For I am the great Cornholio." "I need T.P. For my bunghole." "Look, his hands." "[All gasp]" "He has the stigmata!" "Stigma-ta-ta-ta from lake titicaca!" "The markings the beloved also spoke of." "He is the one, the new messiah!" "Would you like some caca?" "I am the beloved bunghole!" "[All praying and chanting]" "This is cool." " Huh-huh." " [Muttering rapidly]" "Eh, check it out." "An Indian." "You know, um, something I always wondered about Indians." "Are they Mexicans?" " Eh, Beavis?" " Yeah." "Remember you asked that question in social studies and the teacher sent you to the principal's office?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "And the principal didn't know either." "Heh-heh." "Eh, you know, until they started setting stuff on fire and breaking stuff" "I thought this was that J.C. Penney back to school commercial." "Yeah, yeah, this is cool, yeah." "Heh-heh." "Eh, did you know that Indians use every part of the firework?" "Whoa, really?" "Heh-heh." " Nothing goes to waste." " Huh-huh." "Yeah, cool, yeah." "Boy, you don't want to park in the cage the elephant's parking lot." " Yeah, really." " Heh-heh." "Cage the elephant is not responsible for any damage done to your vehicle." "Heh-heh." "Eh, do you know what "cage the elephant" means?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Is that like, um, choking your chicken?" "Beavis, you think everything means that." "But, eh, in this case it does." "[Both laughing]" "Whoa, that guy just caged his elephant." "Heh-heh." "[Both laughing]" "[Muttering rapidly]" "No man should be without T.P., for there is but one bunghole... the almighty Bungholio!" "The beloved is trying to tell us something, but I do not understand his message." "Mm, he's clearly channeling a higher source." "We must bring him back to the temple so others can help interpret his meaning." "[Muttering rapidly]" "Thank you, beloved, for not making us wait long for your return." "Let us take you back now to our community." "There are many people there who will be happy to receive your message." " Hey, baby." " Huh-huh." "Want to receive my message?" "[Car horn honks]" "Good news, brother oontar." "The beloved has already returned." "And brought with him a prophet." "Exalt the beloved." "Hey, guys." "I came to see how Beavis was doing." " Get out of here, Stewart." " Huh-huh." "We're, like, prophets." "Huh-huh." "Where are you guys going?" "Uh, these people want us to, like, get in their van." "And there's chicks." "Huh-huh." "So why don't you just move along, Stewart?" "That sounds like a bad idea, Butt-Head." "Remember, stranger danger." "Brother Butt-Head, would you like to bring your friend?" " Uh, no." " Huh-huh." "He wouldn't fit in." "Huh-huh." "Huh-huh." "[Muttering in spanish]" "I'm thinking about getting boob implants." "Oh, my gosh." "And so I'm kind of excited." "This chick talks through the back of her nose." "Heh-heh, yeah, her mom does too." "I make sure that I have my bills paid." "We have food to eat." "I deserve to, at least, treat myself." "[Mocking] "I deserve to, at least, treat myself."" "Huh-huh." "Doesn't that cost a lot of money?" "[Mocking] "Doesn't that cost a lot of money?"" "Heh-heh." "Heh-heh." "I'm gonna need your help 'cause I can't, you know, lift Sophia." "So I'm gonna take some time off." "While I meet with the plastic surgeon..." "Heh-heh." "Great, he has a moustache." "[Both laughing]" "Okay, now, just go ahead and arch your back for me a little bit there, yeah, yeah... heh-heh." "Let me just go ahead and take these home and load 'em into my computer." "Yeah, notify all the guys." "As far as fees, saline implants are $1,000 cheaper than the silicone." "The doctor said you gotta spend money to make money." "Heh-heh." "I was just calling you because I just got my loan for the breast augmentation." "[Mocking] "I just got my loan for the breast augmentation."" "You can get a loan for big boobs?" "!" "Eh..." "Wow." "Yeah, I'm gonna take out a loan to get a bigger schlong, yeah." "[Both laughing]" "While you were at school, I called up our lawyer..." "She's like, "mom, all I want from you" ""is to shut up and take care of my baby and get me my new boobs!"" "But it isn't anybody's business unless I die." "[Mocking] "I don't think it's anybody's business unless I die."" "And I will never die!" "For I am teen mom!" " Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you." " Welcome." "Are you ready?" " Uh-huh." "Okay, and this is where you sign your life away." "[Mocking] Okay, where do I sign?" "Heh-heh." "Breast augmentation." "Heh-heh." " He's here!" " He's here!" "[All shouting happily]" "Are you threatening me?" "You must all bow down to the almighty Cornholio!" "Heh-heh." "Now!" " Huh-huh." " Heh-heh." "Why does he refer to himself as both Cornholio and the almighty bunghole?" "It is the duality of nature that only the beloved can fully understand." "[Muttering rapidly]" "You are all bungholes..." "each and every one of you!" "And now I must go, for I am the great Cornholio!" "I need T.P. For my bunghole." "[Muttering rapidly]" "Bring me your T.P.!" "All your T.P.!" "You do not want to face the wrath of my bunghole!" "Heh-heh." "There must be more T.P.!" "More T.P.!" "More T.P.!" "Now!" "Repeat after me!" "I am the great Cornholio!" "I need T.P. For my bunghole!" "All:" "I am the great Cornholio." "I need T.P. For my bunghole." "Uh, so, like, want to share our essence?" "Huh-huh." "I'm a prophet." "Huh-huh." "It is not time." "Ugh." "This place is starting to suck." "Huh-huh." "It is troubling." "We have spent all our savings on toilet paper, and yet the beloved still seems unsatisfied." "He was very angry we could not get him more pills." "Hmm, he clearly needs to cleanse himself of toxins he absorbed in the great infinity." "We will have the festival of rebirth tonight." "And tomorrow, we will have 'The Great Conception'." "Gather all the young women and tell them to prepare their bodies for his sacred essence." "And get him more of those pills." "The almighty Bungholio!" "All:" "Bungholio!" "I am an albino!" "All:" "I am an albino!" "I have no bunghole!" "All:" "I have no bunghole!" "You will now make an offering to the almighty bunghole!" "For I have an albino in my bunghole." "Heh-heh." "You must now offer the, um... must, um, heh... bunghole." "Heh." "Eh, I'm tired." "Yeah." "Heh-heh." "Ow." "[Crowd murmuring]" "Let's get out of here, Beavis." "[Murmuring continues]" "All these chicks want to do is talk about spiritual blessings and stuff." "We're never gonna score here." "Yeah, yeah." "My hands hurt." "[Both laughing]" "Cornholio, prophet Butt-Head." "Tomorrow we will engage in 'The Great Conception'." " Uh, the great what?" " Huh-huh." " Contraption?" "What?" " Heh-heh." "Yes, tonight the vessels must prepare themselves to receive your essence." " Yeah, yeah." " There will be a... blah, blah, essence in the vessels in the... blagh, let's get out of here, Beavis." "[Both laughing]" "Perhaps it's good that they rest up for tomorrow." "Yes." "[Women giggling]" "It is very good that the beloved and prophet Butt-Head are so young." "They must have great energy to make love to us all tomorrow." "[Laughter]" " Huh-huh." "This place sucks." " Yeah." "Heh-heh." ""Teen Mom"" "Eh, is this the Teen Mom where she gets her boob operation?" " Yeah, cool." " Heh-heh." "Now let's see how these things turned out." "[Mocking] Breast augmentation." "Heh-heh." "I'm afraid we've lost her." "Don't worry." "Here boobs are fine." "So no refunds." "Heh-heh." "Lookin' good." "Did her dad just say "looking good"?" "Yeah, nice boobs, honey." "Heh-heh." "Come on, get down those stairs." "They didn't give you fake legs." "Yeah." "Huh-huh." "You didn't walk this slow after you had the baby." "Heh-heh." "It's okay, honey." "It's okay." "Now, I know the baby is bumming you out." "Don't worry." "I'll get rid of her." "Heh-heh." "Not on my arm!" "Not on my arms, dad." "On my boobs!" "Huh-huh." "Dumbass." "Yeah, really." "Heh-heh." "She's like, "don't feed those to the baby." "I need 'em for my boobs."" "And bring the frozen tater tots, too, before she eats those!" "Yeah." "Ow." "Heh-heh." " That beloved place sucked." " Huh-huh." "There were, like, all these chicks following us around, but then they didn't want to do anything." " Yeah." " Huh-huh." " Yeah, that sucked." " Huh-huh." "Now I can't even spank my monkey." "Heh-heh." "[Knock on door]" "[Humming]" "Aah!" "Ow!" "Beavis, are you all right?" "Did those people..." "Touch you?" "No." "Oh, good." "Well, my dad wanted you to sign these papers saying you're not gonna sue us." "Cornholio!" "We need you to return for 'The Great Conception'." "I'm, like, busy." "Go away." "We don't understand." "Wasn't the beloved reincarnated in you to tell us what to do?" "Is this not what you want?" "He's the beloved now." "Go bother him." "Get out of here." "Where are you taking me?" "To 'The Great Conception'." "Conception?" "Doesn't that mean something with sex?" "Yes." "All right!" "What a dumbass." "Huh-huh." "He thinks he's gonna score." " Heh-heh." " Really, what a dumbass." "[Both laughing]" "[Heavy metal guitar music]" "Yay, sex!" "By Mikhel for Subtitulos.es ==SPREAD THE WORD=="