"This is 99 percent effective in preventing sexually transmitted diseases." "And this is 100 percent effective in getting me hard." "I can play with that" " I broke up with Glenn." " What, are we girlfriends now?" "You wanna buy Jeeps and start a dog-walking business?" " I just want my best friend back." " You're a mess." "You know that, don't you?" "Figure out your life." "Monkeys, that's all we are." "Primates walking upright and throwing our poop into the ever-changing winds of love." "Speaking of which, I totally gotta take a number twosies." "He's got the rarest case of advanced aging disease I've ever seen." "Advanced aging disease?" "Why are you telling me?" "I'm chief surgeon." "Yeah, which makes you an administrator as well." "The best damn administrator in all of Brazil." " Come on." " Which, by the way, is where we are." "This hospital is in Brazil, as we all know." "But anyway, you have a gift." "The gift of administration." "Just like me with the healing power of laughter." "Whoa!" "Uh-oh!" "Damn it." "Anyway, it takes more than the healing power of laughter to know if a kid with advanced aging disease belongs in a children's hospital." "You get up there and you administrate." "What the fuck are you doing?" "You're giving some real mixed signals." "That's..." "Okay." "Forget it." "Never happened." "Attention, staff:" "Red alert." "All hands report to battle stations." "I repeat, red alert." " My body feels too big." " Oh, honey, I know." "It's called growing pains, at an extraordinary rate." "Hi, I'm Chief, the chief surgeon." "Surgeon?" "Does Nicky need surgery?" "Doubtful." "Ahem." "How old is Nicky?" " Six." " I like turtles." "He used to be tall for his age, but now he's just average." "I wish I were as wise as I am hairy." "Adorable." "Well, I think you are perfect for Childrens Hospital, Nicky." "And I am going to assign you the prettiest doctor here." "I want a dinosaur doctor." "Well, I don't have a dinosaur, but I do have a Cat." "Love and life, life and love, they sound so much alike." "But you can't fall in life..." "You know, sometimes I feel my life is like a blackjack table." "We don't choose our cards, we just keep taking hits." "We can have a life with someone, but we can't choose who we love." " Cat." " Ugh." "This bitch again?" "Yeah?" "I got a rare case of advanced aging disease in Room 310, and I want you to take it." " Could be a career maker." " Wow." "Whore." "Great." "Cunt." "Now, what was I thinking again?" "Okay, rather than stick you full of needles and fill you full of pills I'm gonna try and cure you the old-fashioned way using the healing power of laughter." "Okay?" "You ready?" "This is a quarter." "Now, I'm going to grab it using sleight of hand and then make it appear as though I'm retracting it from your ear." "Ta-da." "That being said, please don't stick anything in any of your holes, uptown or downtown." "Okay, that didn't work." "Um..." "All right." "There once was a man from Nantucket whose penis was so abnormally large that he could reach it with his own mouth." "Fuck." "Who's to say who we should love and who we shouldn't?" "We just have to be in the right place at the right time." "Hey, elephant." "Hi." "Hi." "Hello." "Hi, pretty girl." "My elephant is gray like my beard." "Everything's fast forward with me."