"You know what?" "It's just not fair." "You guys have rights too, you know." "This is total BS, that's what this is, total BS." "This is ridiculous!" "What's the gay and straight alliance freaking out about now, huh?" "Supermarket ran out of fresca boys?" "No, this is Sadie Hawkins dance and that uptight school says that" "Dylan and Kenny can't go together since no girls have asked them." "Oh, there's a simple solution here." "Why don't you find a couple of big gals with short haircuts from the girl softball team, who wanna go." "Why not just make it a foursome?" "We shouldn't have to fool them in not letting us go, besides... those girls scare me." "Banning gays from a dance?" "And what's next?" "They won't let us participate in the school musical?" "Good luck putting on Hello, Dolly" without us." "I agree, it sucks, but there's nothing we can do." "Ah.. this is so typical of you, Larry." "You complain about everything, but you never do anything." "When are you gonna stop being such a wet noodle?" " Hey, for your information..." " Sit down!" "Yes, sir." "This is a perfect opportunity for you to stick it to the man." "Kenny, Dylan, I would think you still would be excited about that." "Yeah, you know, it's true." "Back in my days, if we didn't like something, we fought the system." "And... you got the right to vote, right, Mom?" "I'm referring to back when I was in high school and the school decided that girls could no longer wear tube-tops." "So we staged a walkout." "The entire student body stood out front chanting," "No tube-tops, no attendance!" "No tube-tops, no attendance!"" "We changed the world a little bit that day." "Let me tell you something, if I was a gay teener, and I had a boyfriend," "I would fight for my rights and I would win, ok?" "And I would be at that dance, awkwardly trying to fid out, who is going to lead?" "You know, this is right, this is an outrage, it's discrimination!" "We should protest the school until they cancel the dance." "Alright, so what I'm hearing is no girl asked you yet." "Not one." "And I'm starting to think that my Dance like Justin Timberlake"" "instructional DVD was just a waste of money." "Let's go and organize our protest." "Yeah, that's the attitude I was looking for." "Way to go, you wet noodle, you." "What's the problem here?" "I can't find a good boyfriend." "I mean, I know, I'm terrific." "But, I mean, why is it so hard to find a guy that deserves me?" "No, I'm sorry, sweetie, you must have misunderstood me." "What I meant was, what the hell are you doing in my chair?" "You know, I never should have broken up with Taye last year." "I thought that there's someone else better out there, but it turns out, there is a real shortage of good guys." "I'm starting to see why Mom had to settle for you." "Yeah, I'm just gonna get back together with Taye." "'sup, pops?" "No, no, no, no, you can't get back together with Taye." " Why not?" " Because... because, you need my help." "You know, there's a right way to get back with the guy, who broke up with you and there's a wrong way." "And I'm gonna show her the wrong way." "But I though you hated Taye." "Well, that was before I met that creek Maurek, that loser Steven, that douchebag Bill and that freakshow Rob, who I am surprised didn't kill me when I was asleep on the couch." "In retrospect, I love Taye." "Okay... so what do you think I should do about it?" "Well, to start with, when you call up Taye, you're gonna tell him how miserable and lonely you've been since he broke up with you." "But won't that just make me seem a little pathetic?" "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.." "It better!" "Ha-ha-ha-ha..." "No, no, it's gonna make you seem like someone who needs to be protected and taken care of." "And, sweetie, men love that!" " Wow..." "I've... that actually makes sense." " Good." " Thanks, Dad." " You're welcome." "And for your information, your Mom didn't settle for me, ok?" "I knocked through up and she had no other choices." "Hey, guys, get in here, I'm gonna be on TV!" "The rally I organized for, Kenny got local news covered." "Okay, good for you!" "Everyone's gonna see me on the news, so I'm sure I'm gonna be asked to Sadie Hawkins dance now." "We're here East Hills High with the organizer of today's protest, so tell us Larry, why the walkout?" "Because we should all be allowed to attend the school dance." "Equality starts with me!" "Did it... did... did it just say gay teenager Larry Gold?" "And you didn't want to shell out the bucks for TiVo." "Rewind." "Wow, thanks for your advice," "I did what you said and now Taye's blocked me from his buddy list." "Good, good, that means, we're making progress." "How was that progress?" "Because, sweetie, now he's feeling bad, ok?" "We have him right where we want him." "Now all you have to do is start spending as much time as you can with him, ok?" "You gotta be a little needy and a little cleany." "Wait, wait, wait!" "Now, that advice goes against every magazine article and self help book ever written." "I know that, I know that, but trust me, sweetie, I know what I'm talking about, right?" "Besides, how do you think, your mother worn me down, huh?" "Yeah, that's true." "I did spend a lot of time hanging around his dorm room." "Of course, I was sleeping with his roommate at the time." "How is he?" "Oh!" "You mean Kenny?" "Your son?" "The one you haven't spoken to in 6 weeks?" "Yes, him." "How is he?" "Well, if you really wanna know, he's right through that door and I'm sure he will be thrilled to see you." "No, I cannot." "My husband will not allow it." "Oh..." "You know what my husband will not allow?" "No." "Neither do I, because if he ever told me, I would kill him." "I cannot go against Akhmed." "Shirra!" "Your son is hurt." "And he misses you." "He doesn't understand why you just turned your back on him." "You know how I know?" "Because he cries on my shoulder and tells me." "Now get in there and go see your son." "And if your husband doesn't like it, tell him to go f**k himself." "If you can't do that, I'd be happy to do that for you." "You don't understand." "No, I don't." "That Akhmed is so pig-headed and Shirra is afraid to go up against him." "What kind of a marriage is that?" "Can you imagine if I was that subservient?" "Just one more second please." "Okay." "At least they are talking to us now and it's the first time since they kicked Kenny out of the house, unless you count his father cursing at me under his breath with that gabba goo, gubbu goo, yabba dabba doo".." "Dave, they're from the Middle East, not Bedrock." "One day I'm gonna get me an English to Farsi slang dictionary and I'm gonna give that guy a what-for, uh-huh." "He's not gonna know what hit him." "Honey, why don't you master English before moving on to Farsi." "I hate to say it but" "I don't think they ever gonna take Kenny back." "I know." " Hey, there he is." " How goes it there, big fella?" "Not so great." "The school is still not gonna let Dylan and I go to the dance together." "Looks like I brought Larry's "Dance like Justin Timberlake DVD for nothing." "I'm just gonna go drown my sorrows in chocolate sorbet." " This is so sad." " Yeah, and you know what's even sadder?" "I finished the chocolate sorbet." "The poor kid can't catch a break, first his parents and then that stupid school." " That place really pisses me off." " Me too." "You know what, sweetie?" "I got a big mouth." "And you know what I'm gonna do?" "I'm gonna go use it." "I'm gonna go down to that school tomorrow and I'm not leaving until I get Kenny and the rest of the football back into that dance." "Wait a minute." "You actually gonna do something for someone and there's nothing in it for you?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I guess I am." "You know, yelling and screaming at someone and knowing that I'm actually right." "Would be a nice change of pace." "I'm sorry, Mr. Gold, I made a decision." "You know what?" "You're unbelievable." "Being different is bad."" "Do you have any idea what kind of message you're sending out to people, who are like you and me?" "Please, do not include me into your group, Mr. Gold." "What's next, principal Fink?" "Straight only" water fountains and separate "hhomo" water fountains, you know, that shoot out Perrier?" "Can I ask you a question?" "Why are you here?" "Because I'm fighting for human rights." "What I meant, was why are you here and not Kenny's father." "Well, his father kicked him out of the house when he came out of the closet, so we took him in." "Is the state aware of this?" "Oh, no, no, we don't want to bother them with all that." "Actually, we do." " Hey!" " Hey!" "Remember how you said me sticking up for Kenny was a wonderful thing?" "Yeah." "Well..." "Social Services are on their way over here to take him away." "By the way, it might not be a bad idea if you weren't drinking when they got here." "Well, who would have guessed I'd be running into you two again." "Well, yes, yes, welcome back to our humble abode." "This must be a lot of fun for you to come to our house when nobody's done anything wrong." " I bet it's almost like a vacation." " Oh, sure, making my way here from Queen's during rush hours is like travelling to the South of France on a yacht." "Such imagery, you should be a writer, what you do, is also creative, finding solutions to people problems." "Not that we have any problems here, unless too much love is a problem." "Yes, yes... so, to the matter at hand." "How do we keep this little middle-eastern homosexual kid, living in our basement?" "Well, if the parents were willing to make you legal guardians, it wouldn't be a problem." "But without their approval, I have to put him in with the foster family." "Ok, ok, what if we gave him ourselves, we opened up our hearts, and we became little Kenny's permanent foster family, huh?" "Don't the state cut you a big fat check for that every month?" "Yes, but it's a complicated process." "And what requires state officials to approve of you as capable quardians, if busts some miracle that actually did happen, we're looking at a 3 to 6 month process." "What happens to Kenny in the meantime?" "He'll be placed in a group home situation." "But we took him in and, you know, we're doing really good with him." "Yeah, I mean, he's healthy, he's getting really good grades, he's feeling great about himself." "Well, frankly, we can't say that about our own kids." "Look, we were a little freaked out when we first took him in, you know, but now that he's here, you know, we really want him to stay." "So can he stay, please?" "Pretty please, please?" "Mr. Gold, I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with you." "But it's either his own home, or a group home." "It may not make sense, but that's the way the system works." "Life sucks." "I would think you of all people would know that by now." "Well, with your sunny and cheerful disposition" "I can see why they chose you to work with kids." "Hey, Larry, Larry!" "A really, really cute friend of mine saw you on TV and asked me to ask you if you had a date for the dance yet." "Really?" "Well, as it turns out, I'm still available." "Yes!" "I'm gonna go and tell Phil, he's gonna be really excited." "What?" "No!" "Wait..." "Phil Green or Phil Owster?" "Baby, you're just feeling scared to get back together with me, because you're afraid that I'm gonna reject you, because you rejected me, but it's okay, sweetie, I like you and I know that you like me," "so you don't have to be afraid." "Yeah, I am afraid." "Very afraid." "Of you." "And I'm going to the boy's bathroom." "If you follow me, I swear to God, I'll get a restraint on you." "I'm starting to think that when my father gave me that advice, he may not have had my best interest in mind." "I don't wanna be here any more than you want me to be here, ok?" "But, look, we have a really serious problem on our hands here." "It is no longer my problem." "It is your problem." "Interesting." "Interesting, you refer to your own son as it".." "And everyone thinks I'm the worst father in the neighborhood." "So you came to my house to insult me?" "No, that's just an extra added benefit." "Look, Social Services have found out that I'm not Kenny's legal guardian." "And they've come to take him to a foster home tonight." "That's right, you heard me, a foster home." "Well, if your children are lucky, they'll take them with him." "Akhmed, Akhmed, this is serious, ok?" "If you don't do something, I'm telling you, you might never see him again." "Fine with me." "As far as I am concerned, he's no longer my son." "What's the matter with you?" "Huh?" "What's wrong with you?" "All what Kenny is doing, is being true to who he is." "I mean, isn't that what we really want from our kids?" "We cannot control who they become any more than our parents could control how we turned out." "Right?" "I mean, did your parents want you to leave your homeland and come to America?" "Did my parents want me to grow up to be a loud-mouth insurance salesman with a borderline personality disorder?" "No." "But we have to chose our own path and that's all that Kenny is doing, but you wanna disown him, just because he likes to get naked with other boys and play around like that?" "You know, you almost had me for a minute there." "You didn't see that coming, did you?" "I can't believe that you would do this to me." "I mean, everything you told me to do with Taye, was wrong and I think you did it intentionally." "Look, I know what I did, was manipulative, ok?" "But I did it for my own good." " You mean my own good." " No." "Can you just stop thinking about yourself for a minute?" "There's a lot more important things going on in this house right now." "Fine, then I'll just be alone for the rest of my life." "Works for me." "So what happened?" "Did you tell my dad about Social Services?" "Is he gonna let me come home?" " Um... well, um..." " So he still hates me." "Hey." "Hate" is such an ugly word." "But yeah, he hates you." "But on the bright side, we have more chocolate sorbet." "Now, we're just gonna let them take Kenny away?" "Larry, we've done everything we can, there's nothing else to do." "Well, that's pathetic, we're just gonna give up?" "Now who's the wet noodle?" "You see, this is why I don't like to teach my kids life lessons." "They always want to bite me in the ass." " Hey, what's going on?" " I'm sneaking Kenny out of here, we'll put him in a motel till we figure out what to do next with him." "Hurry up, that Social work is gonna be here any minute." "Wow, this is kinda' exciting." "It's like the end of the Sound of music", when they sneak out of the amphitheater, when no one's looking and hide from the Nazis in the convent." "Larry, Larry, is you start singing, I swear to God," "I'm gonna knock your head right off your shoulders." "Well, take care, Kenny, I'm sure you'll be back before you know." "Larry, you're the best friend I ever had." "Come on, you guys, you gotta go." "*So long." "Farewell." "Aufwiedersehen...*" "*Good bye...*" "Going somewhere?" "Not anymore." "I cannot believe you were trying to sneak this boy out of here." "Oh, what are you gonna do?" "What, are you gonna make a federal case about this?" "Well, kidnapping does traditionally lead to a federal case." "Is that right, you just have all the answers, don't you, huh?" "But not the right one, that had to help us." "Yeah, and what about what's best for the child, I mean, isn't that what child services is kind of about?" "Look, don't you think I'd prefer to see Kenny in a happy home?" "Or at least here... but my hands are tied." "Kenny, it's time to go." " Dad?" " Dave?" "Don't worry about me, I'll be okay." "Thank you for everything." "Hey, no, no, wait, stop, stop." "Take me, take me instead." "Does seem like a fair treat." "Come on, Kenny, let's go." "Akhmed, if you don't open your mouth and words don't start coming out of there," "I swear to Allah, I will cut out your tongue and serve it for dinner." "I figured, if Vicky's husband has not killed her, what, with her big mouth," "I too can be a bitch." "I am his father." "And I'm willing to let him come home." "Really?" "Thanks, Dad." "Nah, nah, nah, nah, stop right there, rock, what's that mean, you're willing to let him come home, huh?" "Sorry, but that's not gonna cut it." " Dave, stop." " Yes, please, stop." "No, no, no." "You're not gonna just let him come home." "You're gonna accept his son for who he is, you're gonna give him your unconditional love and you're gonna apologize to him for the way you treated him." "Or... how about I go home, everything is extremely uncomfortable for everyone, and then shall we really start to like each other a little bit and from there we just kind of win it." "I can live with that." "Let's go, son." "Looks like you're back to being the worst father in the neighborhood." "And people wonder why I stay with you." "It's because underneath it all, you're a sweet kind generous man." "Thank you." "Hey, Akhmed, yo!" "You owe me 612 dollars for food and incidentals." "'sup." "Taye, what the hell are you doing here?" "Going with Hillary to see the hockeys." " You are?" " Yeah." "So, look who's back in the picture, pops." "Hey, Taye." "Oh, what's going on here?" "You're back together with Taye?" "How did that happen?" "Well, I stopped listening to your advice and I thought about why he really broke up with me in the first place." "Yeah, and why was that?" "Because he thought I wouldn't go all the way." "Anyway, we got that all straightened out, so..." "Ah, don't wait up." "Don't let anyone make you feel ashamed." "The trevor project runs the all-nationwide around-the-clock help line for gay and questioning youth." "Trained counselors are for hope and someone to talk to without judgment." "Be proud of who you are." "Call 1-866-4UTREVOR or visit thetrevorproject.org"