"Now, let's see." "After you decide that I'm depressed, or whatever, you'll put me on meds, right?" "And I know hundreds of people on them and they're all doing just fine." "Really." "I'll go back to work on my new anti-depressants." "I'll have dinner with my parents and persuade them I'm back to being the normal one who never gives them any trouble." "And one day some guy will ask me to marry him." "He'll be nice enough." "That'll make my parents very happy." "The first year we'll make love all the time, and in the second and third less and less." "But just as we're getting sick of each other, I'll get pregnant." "Taking care of kids, holding onto jobs, paying mortgages..." "It'll keep us on an even keel for a while." "Then about ten years into it he'll have an affair because I'm too busy and I'm too tired." "And I'll find out." "I'll threaten to kill him, his mistress, myself." "We'll get past it." "A few years later he'll have another one." "This time I'm just going to pretend that I don't know because... somehow kicking up a fuss just doesn't seem worth the trouble this time." "And I'll live out the rest of my days sometimes wishing my kids could have the life that I never had." "Other times secretly pleased they're turning into repeats of me." "I'm fine." "Really." "Green is not the new black." "Hasn't anyone else noticed that everyone has gone totally insane?" "Why are we all so afraid to look at things as they really are?" "Slogans like this have succeeded in distracting us all from the things that really matter." "There's no other escape." "I want people to know that I'm killing myself rather than participate in the collective madness of this world we are all living in." "This is not the real world." "Goodbye." "Open this!" "Hurry, call 911!" "Needle is going in." "She's at 100 over 60." " Let's get that BP up!" "It's dropping fast." "It's at 80 over 40." "Let's get her inside!" " Prepare the patient for ACLS." "Could you please send in my 9:15?" "Edward!" "Come on now, Edward." "I wanted to let you know that your father's annual visit is scheduled for next week." "He'll be asking me if you've made any progress." "Have you made any progress, Edward?" "You know, Villette works for the great majority of people who come here." "The last two times your father visited" "I suggested he bring you home, but..." "Well..." "I'm certain he believes you being here is for the best." "What do you think of that, Edward?" "Nurse!" "Relax." "We're going to take good care of you." "Relax." "There we go." "Good." "Good girl." "Veronika..." "You were in a coma in intensive care for two weeks before being well enough to be with us here." "Where am I?" "Villette." "Villette?" "A privately funded psychiatric facility on the Hudson River." "Our director Dr. Blake has taken a special interest in your case." "You're shrinks..." "Why am I here?" "Who put me here?" "Your parents approved it." "Veronika, can I ask you a few questions?" "Your date of birth?" "December 24th, 2000" "1981." "Your address?" "Your place of employment?" "Freeman Stanley." "Your position?" "Assistant Accounts Executive." "Seventy five thousand a year plus additional health benefits included." "The color of your mother's hair?" "I don't remember." "The color of my hair?" "Blonde." "Are you sure?" ""Deklava" is Slovenian?" "Your parents are" " My parents left before I was born." "We get along just fine, if that's what you're wondering." "Look, how long do I have to stay here?" "Unfortunately, we have some difficult news in that regard." "Does somebody want to tell me what's going on?" "That's yours." " Oh." "Veronika, when you took the overdose your heart stopped." "And you suffered a heart attack which caused a ventricular aneurysm." "In layman's terms, you have damaged the mechanism that pumps blood into the heart which has caused irreversible damage to it." "The heart attack produced a scar which in time became an aneurysm." "I'm afraid the aneurysm is so large it's inoperable." "It will get bigger and bigger every day, until it finally ruptures." "So I'm going to die after all?" "I'm afraid so." "Well, how long do I have?" "A year?" "Years?" "Exact estimates are impossible." "Not years." "Okay, so six months?" "Five months?" "Four months?" "It could be any time." "It may only be a matter of weeks, at most." "I have to wait that long?" "Well..." "If I succeeded, why don't you just kill me now?" "This might be too much for you to take in." "Yes." "Yes, yes, yes, yes." "I think we've said enough for now." "We think this is the best place for you." "We'll be giving you regular shots for your heart which may make you feel a little tired." "But we'll do everything we can to make your last days here as pleasant as possible." "Do my parents know?" "No." "No, not yet." "You can't tell them." "I think we've said enough for now." "Natasha, would you please..." " Yes, Doctor." "860, 861, 862, 863, 864, 865." "There you are." "Better?" "I'm your roommate, Claire." "This place isn't so bad, you know." "They have really good drugs." "I'm leaving any day now, but not before I have one more round of my coma treatment." "You're really pretty." "I'm going to tell you the trick of this place." "It's a story." "Once upon a time there was a powerful wizard who wanted to destroy a whole kingdom." "And to do this he poured a magic potion into the well from which all the citizens drank." "Anyone who tasted it would go mad." "And the King, when he saw his people so changed he was terrified." "He was preparing to leave the city when the Queen stopped him, saying, "Let us drink from the well, we'll be the same as they are."" "And so they drank from the communal well of madness and they were immediately as insane as their subjects." "And so the King was allowed to continue ruling in peace for the rest of his days." "So... learn to think as those around you think and you can pass yourself off as anything." "You think outsiders are any less crazy than we are?" "I'm not crazy." "Are you really going to die?" "Who told you that?" "Oh, you know." "The talk." "Talk, talk." "Blah, blah, talk, talk." "I don't want to wait." "Do you know how I could get my hands on something?" "Really?" "Come have a smoke with me." "No thanks." " Oh, come on." "Get dressed." "You don't want them to think you're crazy." "You want to come outside with me, Ed?" "Ask Mari, she'll tell you how to get the pills." "She's been here the longest out of all the patients." "Her clique has the best deal here." "They don't have to take their meds unless they feel like it." "She was a lawyer on the outside and she was married to one too." "And then she lost her job and she had a breakdown and she ended up here." "Her marriage is over too." "And she's really close to Dr. Blake." "You think she'll help me?" "I don't know." "If she doesn't want to talk to you, she won't." "What about him?" "Ed." "I know." "He's gorgeous." "You can't actually talk to him." "Mari has a way with him, but no one else." "He was dumped here a few years ago." "Years?" "That's what happens." "He was in an accident and then by the time he was fixed he had stopped talking." "His girlfriend was in the car with him." "She died instantly." "And he thinks he killed her." "What do they say is wrong with him?" " Oh God, it changes all the time." "Catatonia, schizo, all these names." "No use getting interested in him." "He doesn't care about anybody." "I'm not interested in anyone either." "Not even me?" "I'm freezing." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Do you know what astral travel is?" "I do it in my coma treatment." "I haven't reached the moon yet, but I will." "I'm having my last treatment in the next couple of days." "You can come watch if you want." "How are you?" "Your parents are waiting outside." "No!" "I can't see them." "No, I won't see them." "But they want to see you." "They've come all this way." "Did you tell them?" "No." "No, you told me not to." "I thought I'd leave that up to you." "How can I tell them?" "I think you should see them." "Can someone please send in Mr. and Mrs. Deklava." "Veronika always had good grades and made friends with nice people." "Always had good-paying jobs." "Never had a speck of trouble with her." "Never." "She..." "You always made us very proud." "Doctor, how do you make her get better?" "I mean... back to normal." "He's a good Doctor..." "Well..." "You see, first of all, your daughter tried to kill herself." "Now, that's nothing for you to be ashamed of." "In our society we feel we must be happy." "If we're not happy we feel hopeless." "We feel like failures." "The plan is to talk with Veronika, mainly." "Talk?" "Dad, how much are they over-charging you for this place?" "Oh, it's nothing." "Forget it." "The most important thing is your health now." "Of course it would be better if you stayed home with us and rest with us, but" "Sometimes, being away from everyone, even loved ones, can help people get calm." "This place is worth it." "I even noticed on the way here they have a nice piano." "You play piano?" " No." "Oh yes, doctor, she" " She used to play lovely." "Mozart, Bach, Debussy." " Yeah, yeah." "Every teacher said she has a gift." "It doesn't matter, I don't play anymore." "It's nothing." "She even had a scholarship from the Juilliard." "But we agreed it was better for her to go to a proper school, so that she" "So she would never be lacking in for a good-paying job." "Could we not have this conversation please?" "We just want you to be happy." "Could we just not!" "I'm sorry." "It's okay, sweetheart." "It's okay." "It's okay..." "I'm sorry..." "Veronika." "There's nothing else you want to say while your parents are still here?" "Are you sure?" "Well, it's a long drive back to Brooklyn." "You'll want to beat the rush hour traffic." "Yeah, I guess... getting back to Brooklyn at this hour could be horrible." "Listen..." "When Dr. Blake says it's okay, you'll come home, you'll spend some time with us." "Okay?" "Thank you." " Goodbye." "See you soon." "Bye-bye." "This is it?" "There she is." "You gave us a start, young lady." "We're going to try adjusting the dosage on your medication." "This is about a woman's life." "We wouldn't even be having this conversation if she had succeeded." "But luckily she didn't, but we're talking about a woman's life." "The fashion industry has suffered attacks from nut jobs like this all the time!" "I'm sorry, it is fair!" "Nutty as a fruitcake!" "Nutty as a fruitcake!" "Well?" "Aren't you going to react at all?" "No." "You won't be with us much longer, little one." "The good thing about being in a crazy hospital is that you can get away with slapping Fred when he talks like that." "I was looking for you." "Claire said that you might  be someone who can help you?" "I need pills." "I want to die on my own terms." "When those two geniuses switch off shifts at the end of the day, about dinner time, around 7, there's usually a moment when that door is unwatched." "I don't understand." "The medicine closet." "How can you stand it here?" "Edward!" "Edward!" "Edward, come on." "It's time for your treatment." "Come on." "Come on." "Edward, come on." "Dinner time!" "Dinner time." "Come on, come on." "Thank you." "Hey, George!" "This way!" "Veronika!" "Get away from that water!" "No!" "Spit it out!" "Out!" "All of it!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "All of it!" "All of it." "Is that all?" "Look at me." "Alright?" "Come on." "Let's get her to Dr. Blake." "So you really thought it would be that easy to steal some pills?" "You're a shit." "Because I won't cooperate in you killing yourself?" "Because you love playing with people's souls." "I hate you." "Really?" "Tell me about it." "Fine." "I hate your stupid desk." "And I hate your ugly ties." "And I hate your ridiculous socks." "And I hate everyone locked up in this place." "And I hate my parents for spending their very last penny to keep me in this zoo." "God forbid they should ever, for one moment, live their own lives." "Is that what they came here for?" "To be the fucking same as everybody else?" "And I hate the jerks in my office who think the money they earn makes them "the shit"." "And more than anything I hate the zombies on the subway who have forgotten all of their dreams or the fact that they ever had any to begin with." "I have some terrifying news for you." "What could be more terrifying than this?" "You sound like you might be feeling better." "Answer me honestly, please." "Doesn't it feel better to feel better?" "Have you ever heard the story of the King and the poisoned well?" "You mean Claire's absurd story?" "Do you think she invented it?" "Oh, I should have guessed this one." "That's your brilliant take on reality?" "Well, reality is what the majority deem it to be." "Not necessarily the best or the most logical, but the one that has become adapted to the desires of a society as a whole." "Some things are governed by common sense, and others become fixed until more and more people believe that's the way it should be." "Like the Qwerty keyboard." "Do you know why it's like that?" "I haven't really had the time to give it much thought." "Well... when the typewriter was first invented, the letters were arranged in alphabetical order." "Now, when a person typed too quickly the keys became jammed." "So this man, Scholes, he invented the Qwerty keyboard, whereby people were obliged to type more slowly." "And?" "Well, it's... it's a true story." "You are batshit crazy, you know that?" "You sell these patients on this optimistic belief that they're no different than the people on the outside, because they're no different than you!" "Well, I consider that a simple matter of fact." "Only a truly crazy person would call it reassuring or optimistic." "Besides, aren't you the one who accused the fashion industry of foisting pathological, dehumanizing values on our society?" "Well, I was high when I wrote that." "Then I take it, an ad campaign was not the real reason you tried to kill yourself." "I had a point." "You almost laughed." "Another sign of improvement." "Go to hell!" "She is beginning to experience the reality of death as something beyond her control." "Edward's noticed her." "Whatever that means with Edward." "Have you grown so attached to your guilt about the fix you're in with Edward that you can't see yourself living without it?" "Is it that you're so close to leaving you want to construct a happy ending for Edward to match your own?" "I don't think Edward being interested in a suicidal girl with a few days to live is much of a happy ending." "Perhaps you're a little jealous." "You mean "a little counter transference"?" "Just because it's a cliché doesn't mean it isn't true." "Anyway, who says I'm ready to go?" "In order to lose someone you must first experience authentic attachment." "Now, if Edward could recover normal affect to the point where he'd be capable of genuine loss," "I think I'd consider that my finest hour as a doctor." "You're free to go." "Okay, Claire, I'm going to swab you down." "Here we go." "120 over 80." " Good." "Her numbers are looking good." " Very good." "Okay." "She's in." "Here we go." "I'm okay." "100 over 60." "One of your patients, Veronika Deklava, is getting considerable media play from some rather unfair things she said about part of our advertising campaign." "Of course, our first and foremost concern is for the well-being of the young lady." "Well, now she's a patient undergoing active treatment here, the details of her condition are confidential." "But she is recovered enough for a well-wisher to pay his respects?" "Look, you want to put Veronika into some sort of dog-and-pony show?" "That's not going to happen." "We're under a great deal of pressure over this matter, as I'm sure you understand." "I'm sorry, she's not available to be put on display." "We've made some enquiries with the State Board of Health that gives you your license to operate." "Apparently three years ago a patient died here?" "Of a drug overdose?" "And the families of other patients have complained about irregular methods of treatment." "What the families of patients complain about, by and large, is that not every mentally ill person can be cured." "Now, what is it exactly you want from me?" "You have very unorthodox methods, Dr. Blake." "I can shine a spotlight on the unusual activities taking place up here." "I have absolutely nothing to hide." "274, 275, 276, 277, 278, 279, 280," "281, 282, 283." "Claire, honey." "Come on, you haven't been released." "Okay, lets get your bags and we'll go sit in the day room." "Okay, I'll go get Dr. Thompson." "She's gonna come down and talk with you, okay?" "No, not now, Edward." "I don't really feel like playing." "You okay?" "I'll get to the moon next time, and they'll let me leave." "Hey." " You okay?" "You should be careful." " It doesn't really matter, does it?" "There's an expert in Sufi spiritual teaching talking to us tonight." "Some people find Sufi spirituality very beautiful." "And helpful." "Some don't." "I don't think you should leave this life without knowing how far you can go." "Insanity is the inability to communicate our ideas." "So all of us are to one degree or another insane." "But don't confuse insanity with a loss of control." "You have two choices:" "To control your mind or to let your mind control you." "And allow the real "I" to reveal itself." "The real "I" is what you are, not what others make of you." "I could fall in love with you right now." "And I know you won't say anything." "But that's okay." "It's very early." "I need to talk to you." "I need your help." "You didn't have your injection last night." "I know." "I'm feeling much better." "Well, you don't look it." "If you want to make the most of the time you have left, you'll do as I say." "I do want to." "And that's why I need to know exactly how much time I have left." "I've told you, I can't be sure." "Everything is happening as I anticipated." "Dr. Blake, I need you to do two things for me." "I need a shot or something so that I can stay awake." "I want to be conscious of every moment." "What's the other thing?" "I want to leave here." "No, no, no, no, no." "You can't just go, you're not well enough." "Besides you're under my care." "You're looking very pale." "I'm tired, that's all." "Look, if I have even a little time left, there's so much I could do." "I want to go the beach." "I want to see the ocean and I want to feel the sand." "I want to have a huge taco from my favorite taco stand." "I want to walk into an Irish pub and I want to order a Guinness." "I've never done that." "I want to see my mom." "I want to talk to her, really talk to her." "Look, get some rest and conserve what little energy you have left." "Dr. Blake, there's..." "Last night..." "I knew I had to live." "There's so much about myself that I don't know." "Well, desire contradicts fear." "These days most people have replaced almost all their emotions with fear." "When everyone has dreams but only a few realize them, then... it makes cowards of the rest of us." "Even if the few are right?" "Particularly then." "Veronika, go and get some rest." "I have other patients to attend to." "If everyone realized their dreams, this place would be empty." "The Martians have said we mustn't study war any more and must go forth and bring peace to the nations." "That's what I'm doing!" "You think I'm making this up?" "It's been reported on CNN!" "You could hear their words plain as the nose on your face." "I recall you telling me that panic attacks aren't fatal, even if they feel like they are." ""Positive Compassion"..." "All that text book stuff is beginning to sound rather old." "Maybe it's time for you to leave this place." "Oh, don't be so ridiculous." "I do actually help people here, in case you haven't noticed." "Helping people?" "Like Veronika?" "Edward is benefiting, isn't he?" "Yes, but to get that benefit you're torturing a dying girl." "Making her recover her will to live, just when it's too late to do her any good!" "All in the name of research?" "Well, it's not a perfect science." "Though practically everyone seems to need me to lie and say that it is." "And when will you finally drop those tedious notions of right and wrong you've never really believed in to begin with?" "Or are you still a lawyer at heart with fantasies of truth and justice?" "Look, if Veronika can help Edward by giving him the illusion he's helping her through love, then her life and death will not have been completely meaningless." "My God." "Is that the only consolation you can manage?" "Anyway..." "I made a few phone calls." "Found a nice Legal Aid office on West End Avenue in Manhattan." "No billionaire corporate clients." "Just needy defendants without a pot to piss in." "Up the block is a decent take out deli," "I can bring my lunch to the park." "Who knows?" "Maybe I'll call up my ex-husband, see how he's keeping." "Well, it all sounds very normal." "It's time I got away from you." "I mean... from here." "Well yes, like I've been saying, for how many years is it now?" "This is my office address." "I'll be staying at my sister's until I can find a place." "I'll get you a number when I have one." "Thank you." "You could come sit with me in the park one day." "If my schedule lets up, maybe." "Don't hide here forever, Alex." "Yeah?" "Hey." "Want some help?" "You could put those clothes in there." "Okay." " Thanks." "You know, I heard you last night, playing the piano in a way I've rarely heard before." "I recognized that you played with so much soul because you know you're going to die." "I thought, "I'm going to die." "Where's my soul?"" "I lost it." "To a husband and a job and a house" "I never had the courage to leave." "Now, today I feel it again." "I wasn't myself last night." "Or maybe I really was." "Nothing makes any sense anymore." "Some people go their whole lives searching for one moment like the one you had and never achieve it." "You had a thousand in you." "Sorry, I" " It's okay." "It's time for Edward's treatment." "You two can see each other later in the rec room." "So, what are you working on there, Ed?" "Come on." "It's time for your treatment." "Come on." "Why is he here?" "Why is he here?" "Why is he here?" "Why is he here?" "I need to leave Villette." "Are you're talking?" "I want to leave." "Assistance please." "North East Corridor." "Immediate assistance." "It's okay, Ed." "It's okay." "Hey, Eddie." "Everything okay?" "I have to talk to Dr. Blake." "Wow." "You're talking up a storm there." "I want to go." "Why don't you take a few of these, calm down a little bit." "You gonna make this a whole big deal?" " Hey, come on." "Call Thompson." "Where's Blake?" " Off the grounds, appointment in the city." "You can talk to him the minute he gets back." "Doctor Thompson." "We need you down here right away." "You're just having a little crisis." "What's going on?" " No!" "What's going on?" " He talked!" "No!" " Edward, that's wonderful." "Lets get him out of the hallway, okay?" " Angela, relax." "Relax." "Everybody just calm down." "Edward, lets take you to the room." "Okay, relax." "Everybody calm down." " What are you doing to him?" "Veronika!" " Get your hands off!" "Veronika!" " Everybody get back!" "You just spoke." "I think you're important to me." "Ed, you need to come with me." "Take him to the room, please." "Do you think Blake will be okay with this?" "We will do the treatment as planned." "Go back to your room." "Let's go walking!" "Psycho's coming!" "Wait!" "I'm coming with you." "I'm coming with him." "Go." "Go back to your rooms, now!" "Hey." "Are you back?" "You don't remember, do you?" "Veronika." "How do you feel?" "Like I could live forever." "It's like you're part of me now, like you're inside of me." "You better take good care of me." "It's too cold for you to be out here." "No, I have to see the sunrise." "I'm fine." "Veronika?" "Veronika!" "No!" "Dr. Thompson." "Greetings." "This office, and Villette, are now in your care." "I hope you will conduct yourself wisely, as I've tried to do." "I want to bring you up to speed on a few things, clear up a few matters." "In a few more days I'd anticipated telling Veronika that our injections had cured her heart condition." "But in light of her unscheduled departure from Villette, my telling that particular lie will not be required." "The majority of people who attempt suicide repeat their attempts until they succeed." "I took a risk in lying to her about her condition." "I decided to test the only remedy I've come to have any faith in." "Awareness of life." "Hey, look." "We made it." "Come here." "Until she finds out from some other doctor that she's perfectly healthy, she'll consider each day a miracle." "Which in my view it is."