"I'm going out to South Park gonna have myself a time" "Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation" "I'm goin out to south park gonna leave my woes behind" "Ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor" "I'm heading out to south park to see if i cant unwind" "I like girls with big fat titties really big fat titties" "So come on out to south park and meet some friends of mine" "Episode 10x12 "Go God Go Part II"" "Come ohhhn!" "Come ohhhn!" "Oh, for the love of God, how much longer?" "!" "There you are, Eric." "What are you doing here?" "I'm waiting for the new Nintendo Wii to come out." "When does it come out?" " Three weeks." "Come ohhhn!" "C-Come ohhhn!" "It's time for school." "No, mom, you don't understand!" "I've been waiting for this thing to come out for months." "And now, every day time is slowing down." "It's like... waiting for Christmas..." "times a thousand." "Eric, you're just going to have to be patient." "Noo!" "Nooo!" "Principal Victoria, it is wrong!" "It is wrong and I simply will not do it!" "I care about my students and I will not fill their heads with lies!" "I am not teaching evolution in my class!" "Mrs. Garrison, evolution is in the school curriculum." "We have to teach it." "Evolution is a theory!" "A hare-breained theory that says I'm a monkey!" "I am not a monkey!" "I'm a woman!" "M, m'kay." "Ya-you realize evolution has been pretty much uhhh... proven." "I warn you, Principal Victoria!" "Those students are not prepared to hear this stuff!" "Our students want to learn, Mrs. Garrison and they're mature enough to handle anything." "How long until Nintendo Wii comes out now?" "!" "It's still three weeks." "Oh God..." "Okay, how long now?" "Will you shut up already?" "!" "All right kids, it is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution." "Oh boy!" "Now I, for one, think evolution is a bnuch of bullcrap." "But I've been told I have to teach it anyway." "It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this:" "In the beginning we were all fish, okay?" "Swimming around in the water." "And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby and the retard baby was different, so it got to live." "So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands... and it had buttsex with a squirrel or something and made this." "Retard frog squirrel." "And then that had a retard baby which was a monkey fish-frog." "And then this monkey fish-frog had buttsex with that monkey and... that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and... that made you!" "So there you go!" "You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys havin' buttsex with a fish-squirrel!" "Congratulations!" "I can't take it anymore!" "Yeah?" "You see?" "I knew that would happen." "Come ohhhn!" "C-Come ohhhn!" "Look, kid, for the fortieth time pacing in front of the store isn't gonna make the Wii come any faster." "Eric, you're coming home right now!" "Can't I just stay and look at the sign a little longer?" "It's almost bedtime." "If you sleep then time'll go by faster." "Oh God!" "Nintendo Wii Just three more weeks!" "That does it!" "I am not waiting three weeks!" "You guys!" "You guys!" "You guys, you gotta help me." "Dude you don't look so good, Cartman." " I can't take it anymore, you guys." "The wait for Nintendo Wii is literally killing me." "Well there's nothing you can do, so you just have to be patient." "No." "There is something I can do." "What?" "All right, listen." "You know how in space movies they put astronauts in suspender animation so that their trip seems really short, right?" "I think I figured out how to do it." "Do what?" " Freeze myself." "If I freeze myself, then in three weeks, when Nintendo Wii comes out you guys can unfreeze me." "The wait will seem instantaneous to me." "No." " It's simple science, Kyle." "You'll die, retard!" " I'll die waiting for the Wii to come out!" "Don't you see this is my only chance!" "Dude, no way." " Yeah, I hate you." "But I'm not going to help kill you." "I thought you were my friends!" "I guess I was wrong!" "After everthing we've been through together, you guys won't even help me freeze myself!" "Principal Victoria, we are a devout Catholic family!" "Do you mind telling me why my daughter now thinks she's a retarded fish-frog?" "!" "I told you this would happen, didn't I?" "!" "Mr. Triscotti, I wasn't aware that" "We have worked years to instill the teachings of Jesus Christ into our daughter and in one fell swoop, you try to destroy everything we did!" "I hear ya." "Sir, if you don't wish your daughter to learn about evolution then we can pull her out of class." "You most certainly will!" "But Dad, I want to learn everything." "No you don't!" "Shut up!" "Well, I told you." "We should leave evolution out of the classrooms." "It has become obvious to me that you don't know enough about evolution to teach it!" "I'm having you replaced!" "Mr. Dawkins!" "Re-replaced?" "Richard Dawkins is a world-renowned evolutionary scientist." "Charmed to meet you." "Ms..." "Shut up, faggot!" "Principal Victoria, I can teach my own class!" "You are to sit in class and help Mr. Dawkins with whatever he needs!" "Over billions of years life has evolved from simple one-celled organisms into all the complex life we see around us." "Whatever." "It was changes in hereditary traits that allowed the first mammals to breath in the air." "Retarded fish-frogs." "Ms. Garrision, I believe that's a gross over-simplification." "Well, you're a faggot!" "Continue." "You see, children, life has the amazing ability to change, to adapt." "Like changing us to the point that we walk upright." "So you are saying that we're all related to monkeys." "Well yes, basically, we are." "Do you see monkeys at the zoo?" "!" "They crap in their hands and throw it at people!" "Ms. Garrison, this isn't theory, it is scientific fact!" "What about the fact that if I believe in this crap, you're gonna go to hell?" "!" "Doesn't that bother you a little?" "Actually, no." "Because I'm an atheist." "I've got you, you snake in the grass!" "I found you out!" "I never covered it up." "And if I'm a monkey, then I might as well act like a monkey, huh?" "!" "What on earth are you doing?" "Don't ask me, I'm a fuckin' monkey!" "Principal Victoria, I was simply trying to make a point to Mr. Dawkins about the incongruity of some scientific statements." "Mrs. Garrison, I am pulling you out of the classroom." "What?" "Principal Victoria, I really don't think that's necessary." "This woman is very opinionated but, she does care about her students." "Very well." "But there is to be no more throwing of feces." "Understood?" "Ms. Garrison." "Ms. Garrison, could I have a word with you, please?" "What?" "!" "Look, I know you think we're at war, but I want you to know I admire your passion." "You you do?" "I've never met a woman with so much... fire." "Well I..." "I do bring down a woman's wrath now and again." "So much boldness in a woman." "So beautiful." "I'm sorry, I'm sure you have a husband, but I" "No!" "N-no!" "My, my husband is g-gone, dead." "Would you then..." "consider having dinner with me tonight?" "Well, well, I suppose we could have a little steak or something." "I've got a date!" "My first real date with a real man since my sex-change operation!" "Oh boy, what'll I wear?" "!" "Hey everybody!" "Close the door, I'm trying to freeze!" "Eric, get out of there." "No!" "No, it's too soon!" "Now Eric, this has gone far enough!" "You need to learn to be patient!" "Butters, get your coat." "We gotta go." "Go where?" " You're gonna help me freeze myself." "Okay." "Well, how come we've gotta come all the way out here?" "Butters, if anyone else comes upon my frozen body they'll try to unfreeze me right away." "I have to be hidden." "That's good." "And no matter what happens, Butters you are not to unfreeze me until the day the Nintendo Wii comes out." "Do you got it?" "!" "Eric, are are you sure this is a good idea?" "No, it's not a good idea." "It's an awesome idea." "Yeah." "I guess it is." "All right, you got the spot figured out?" "You're not gonna lose where I am, right?" "I got it." "Big Tree." "Oval Rock." "All right, now get out of here." "You can't freeze too, or else we're both screwed." "Get out of here, you asshole!" "You're gonna ruin everything!" "Yes." "Come on." "Freeeze." "Freeeze." "So I told my gynecologist:" ""You put so many things in my vagina, maybe I should charge you!"" "Oh, Ms. Garrison, you are the most outspoken woman I have ever met!" "It's almost like you're one of the guys." "Yeah, almost." "You have so much spunk, so much life..." "If only you were an atheist." "Well..." "Well, you know, I'm..." "I'm open to stuff." "Why is someone as outspoken as you given themselves over to the whole God thing?" "Oh I'm not..." "I'm not totally into the whole God thing." "I just..." "I just think, you know, you can't disprove God." "Well what if I told you there was a flying spaghetti monster." "Would you believe it simply because it can't be disproven?" "You're riiight." "It's so simple!" "God is a spaghetti monster." "Oh thank you, jeez!" "My eyes are opened!" "Hey everyone, I'm an atheist!" "Really?" "Oh that's wonderful!" "No, I totally get it now!" "Evolution explains everything!" "There is no great mystery to life, just evolution and God's a spaghetti monster!" "Thank you, Richard!" " You're so welcome!" "Would you like head over to my place for dessert?" "Oh yeah!" "Yeah, I'm a monkey!" "Give this monkey what she wants!" " Oh Ms. Garrison!" "Yeah, pound my monkey hole, Richard!" "Yeah, I'm a monkey all right!" "Nin-ten-do." "I'm coming." "I'm coming, Nin-ten-do." "Year 2546" "We have a pulse." "Can you understand me?" "Where am I?" "My name is Shvek." "You are safe." "Safe where, butthole?" "!" "My friend, this is going to be a bit of a shock, but it is the year 2546." "What?" "You have been frozen in ice for over 500 years." "Butters?" "Butters, you black asshole?" "!" "Please be careful." "You are frail." "Is the Wii out?" "Where's the Wii?" "Ahh, Nintendo Wii." "A primitive gaming device used in his time." "Primitive?" "It has motion-control controllers, asswipe!" "Young man, you don't seem to understand." "Your family, your friends, everyone you knew, has been dead for over 500 years." "I don't care!" "Is there a Nintendo Wii!" "We don't play videogames in our time." "There's no such thing as a Nintendo Wii." "No..." "Noooo!" "You must understand, children, that we are dealing with very large numbers here." "That's my man." "So, evolution doesn't even happen by chance." "It is, in fact, bound to happen." "That's right, kids." "And so you see, there is no God." "Careful darling." "The school board doesn't like it when we" "Well there could still be a god." " What?" "!" "Couldn't evolution be the answer to how and not the answer to why?" "Uh oh, retard alert!" "Retard alert, class!" "Do you believe in a flying spaghetti monster too, bubblehead?" "!" "I wasn't talking about spaghetti." "Come on, you." "You're gonna have to sit in the dunce chair!" "I have faith" "Ms. Garrison, I'm not so sure what you did in class today was right." "What?" "But Dick, you told me the world would be a better place without religion." "Yes, but to be so bold about it..." "I've just never seen a woman with such... balls." "You've just been too soft on religious people in the past." "Think about it, Richard." "With your intellect and my balls, we can change the future of the world." "Can you imagine a world with no religion?" "No Muslims killing Jews, no Christians bombing abortion clinics." "The world would be a wonderful place... without God." "You're the smartest man on earth, Dick." "With me by your side, there's no stopping you." "Oh, just let me see those beautiful breasts again." "Oh, all right." "Oh yeah, baby!" "Quick, General Disarray!" "Kill those superheroes!" "Yes!" "Now the world shall feel the wrath of Professor Chaos!" "Butters?" "Butters, you haven't seen Eric Cartman in the past few days, have you?" "Who, me?" "It's very importance, Butters." "He's missing." "You haven't seen or heard from him?" "No ma'am." " Okay." "Come on, Professor Chaos!" "Let's destroy this anthill!" "General Disarray, can I ask you a scientific question?" "Okay." "Can anything bad happen if you completely freeze yourself and then unfreeze yourself three weeks later?" "Yeah." " Well, like what?" "Like, you die." " Die?" "Well yeah." "If you freeze your body, it means you die." "When you wake up three weeks later you can be unfrozen, but you're still dead." "Oh hamburgers!" "Eric!" "Erihic!" "You just left him here?" "!" "Without a jacket or anything?" "!" "He told me to!" "He's dead for sure." " Wait!" "It's all different." "Nothing's in the same place!" "Oh my God." "Uh, eh, Eric!" "Eric!" "Butters!" "We have to get out of here!" "W hat?" " Nobody is ever going to find his body." "You've got to never say anything about this, do you understand?" "!" "He's dead, and if they know you had a hand in it, you'll go to jail!" "But I just did what he told me!" "Come on, we have to leave!" " Oh jumping Jesus!" "This is terrible." "Five hundred years in the future." "Eric, I have good news for you." "We may have found you a Nintendo Wii." "What?" "Really?" "Yes!" "Yes!" "It's rumored that there's one at the Museum of Technology at New New Hampshire." "So I'm not too late!" "Come on, let's go!" "Well, there's just th-there's something we need from you first." "You see, my young friend, you were unfrozen for a reason." "Lots of people froze themselves in cryogenic labs and we don't unfreeze them." "But you... are special." "I know I'm special." "This isn't news to me." "You lived in a time when a great event happened." "A glorious event that finally made all religion obsolete." "Now, the entire world is atheist." "And this gives me a Nintendo Wii how?" "We believe that somebody you knew in your time was the person who first started our wonderful group:" "The Unified Atheist League." "Who?" "What in Science's name was that?" "!" "Oh no!" "It's the United Atheist Alliance!" "Oh Science, help us!" "Science damn you, Unified Atheist League!" "Who are they?" " The Alliance Atheists." "We're at war with them." "Jesus Christ!" "You believe in a supernatural being." "Oh my Science." "I'm just a little boy from the past who wants to play Nintendo Wii." "Put me through to the Allied Atheist Allegiance!" "Onscreen." "Look, Allied Atheist Allegiance!" "We have the time child!" "Science damn you, United Atheist Alliance!" "Now you see, foolish sea otters, that we are the atheists in control!" "It won't make a difference!" "This is the dawning of the sea otter!" "Know this, time child!" "I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy!" "What?" "Otters!" "The time has come!" "Sound the nafferty!" "The nafferty!" "So, it begins!" "To be continued..." "Transcipt: spscriptorium Sync: muter for"