"Subtitles manually transcribed by [ Subtopian ] Revisions by MacRellen" "Davvers!" "Davvers!" "Stop!" "Cut it!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "What is it?" "Roman stuff?" "Can't be Roman." "They didn't have kings." "They had emperors and shit." "My mate was on a site last year, said they found a load of Roman coins." "That was worth tons." " It's not fucking Roman, you muppet!" " But it might have other stuff." " Yeah, like what?" " Gold and stuff." "Ugh..." "Stinks down here." " [FARTS] Does now." " Argh..." "Davvers!" " Whoa..." " Bloody hell." "It's a graveyard." "It's a plague pit, more like!" "We can't nick stuff from a graveyard." " Can we?" " I don't care." "They're dead already, ain't they?" "What was that?" "Probably just wind or sumthin'." "Jesus!" "Don't do that!" "That was classic." "Your face..." "We better go..." "tell the boss what we found." "What?" "What's the matter?" "You scared of a few skeletons?" "Wooah!" "Wooo!" "I'm a ghost." "Wooooo!" "God, you're such a pansy!" "Piss off!" " Um, be... behind ya..." " Yeah, ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..." " Like I'm gonna fall for that one." " No, seriously." "Mate!" "Behind ya!" "Get it off me!" "Subtitles manually transcribed by [ Subtopian ]" " You paid cash?" " Yeah." "Used a false name?" "Yes, just like you said." "Where the fuck did you get it, mate?" "A bomb site?" "Why can't we use our car anyway?" "'Cause they'll trace it back to us, won't they?" "This is clean." "If this even starts at all." "Have you tried it?" "No." "Okay, Andy, two problems here, uh..." "One, it doesn't start." "And two, there's a dirty, filthy, cummy sock... in there." "Say, let's see what happens." "Oh, yeah!" "Come on, let's go and magic us a full breakfast, yeah?" "Look, I'm just saying," "I don't want the van to conk out on us in the middle of a job, that's all." "B-elax, we'll be fine." "Yeah, you say that 'cause you're a jammy git." "If you fell off that building right there, and landed into a thimble full of shit, you'd come out smelling of roses, with frayed birds on your arms." "Yeah, that's 'cause I'm engaging my ideas." "That's talent, that is." "A talent for getting us into trouble." "When have I ever got us into trouble?" "Yeah, I'll take you all on!" "And so will my fucking brother!" "You dirty pikeys!" "You do not want to mess with me and my fucking brother!" " Fucking what?" " Terry!" "Yeah, well, they were asking for it." "I had to stick up for meself." "Look, all I'm saying is that you've got to be really careful about..." "Jesus Christ!" " All right, Mickey?" " Hello, mate." "Why wouldn't I be all right, huh?" "You saying I'm some sort of nutter or sumthin'?" "No, I was...just saying..." " He's joking." " Your face..." "So, we still on for 2 o'clock or what?" "Yeah, that we are." "We are still on for 2 o'clock." "I mean, you've heard what happens when people mess me about." "Fucking mug!" "You... fucking mug!" "..." "We heard about that, yeah, yeah." "Good." "So, don't mess me about." "Beautiful motor this is, gents." "Oh, cheers, mate, yeah." "It's a nice one, yeah, yeah..." "Top of the range, this is, right?" "Yeah." "RIGHT!" "Be lucky, yeah?" "Right." "He's just dented my fucking car with his head." "He's got a steel plate in there." "Iraq war injury." "Buried in there to remove part of his brain or something." "The part that stops him from being a fucking psychopath." ""Be lucky"." "Mate, he's the man for the job." " Yeah, you sure?" " He's the man." "Eddie, I told you not to call this number." "It'll leave a record." "They're on to us." "I'll need to move the cash." "Can you get it ready?" "I'll send someone over to pick it up." "What?" "All of it?" " But there's two and a half..." " Listen!" "They're sending inspectors." "I want it all out of the way." " You'll have the forms ready?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Davvers!" "Greg!" "Got a job for ya!" "Davvers!" "Greg!" "Where are you, you pair of tits?" "Oi!" "Get the fuck out of it, you two-bob toe-rags." "I told you!" "You come 'round here again, I'm gonna slap the shit out of ya!" "Well, now it's time to pay the piper." "Hey, listen, old man." "You need to behave yourself, before me and my boys fuck you up, do ya understand?" "Leave it out, Ray." "You're driving away all my customers!" "You're supposed to take your pills!" "Not sell up to these mugs!" "Well, I've got to earn a crust, don't I?" "Here you are, lads, gather 'round." "I've got anything here, look." "I've got codeine, sleeping pills..." "Here they are, slower than the army!" "All right, granddad?" "Don't call me granddad!" "I have told you, it makes me sound old!" " But you are old." " Yes?" "How's that for old, eh?" "You're late again!" "The Macguire genes must have passed youse two by." "Your mum and dad will be spinning in their graves, God rest their souls." "Yeah, they were cremated though, weren't they, granddad?" " Don't give me none of your back-chat!" " All right." "Now, come on!" "There's people in there waiting for their dinners!" "All right." " Hello..." " All right, how're you doing?" "It's high time youse two got a proper job." "This is a proper job." "When I was 15, I lied about my age, so's I could sign up, and fight the fuckin' Nazis." "Argh!" "I've heard of you Nazi mugs!" "Let's fucking have it!" "What are youse two fighting?" "Traffic?" "We do okay." "Okay?" "Let me mark your card, sunshine." "Delivering 'Meals on Wheels' to old-age pensioners ain't a lifetime profession." "Look atcha!" "You're about as much use, as an ashtray on a motorbike!" "Leave 'em alone, Ray!" "They're doing the best they can." "Aren't you, boys?" "Yes, Doreen." "Um, I was wondering, my window, the catch keeps slipping, and I was wondering if one of you big, strong boys could come and... ooh... force it open?" "I think Andy is big and strong." "He's up for fixing a window, aren't you, Andy?" "Oh, Andy." "Dunno what I'd do without'cha?" "Oh..." "See you later." "See you later, Doreen." "Say "bye", Andy." "Bye, Doreen." " Yeah, mate, mate," " Mate, mate, mate..." "You're gonna get lucky today, I tell you what." "Bit of experience might that be, so go on in." "Every time." "Every fucking time." "I know you're gonna be knocking this place down in a few weeks time, but do you feel the need to rub it in?" "There's people here about to have their dinner." "You yuppie twat!" "Look, I really need to get these measurements, okay?" "If you don't sling your hook in 5 seconds time," "I'm gonna ram that fucking clipboard so far up your "Aries", you're gonna have to shove your pen up your nose to write on it!" " 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" " All right..." "All right!" "All right!" "There you go." "All right, Ray?" "Is it okay if I sit with you?" "You sit where you like, sweetheart." "So, where they sending you when this place closes?" "Oh, some place up north." "Bradford, I suppose." "Somewhere full of northern monkeys." " It's nice up north." " I wouldn't know." "I've never been further north than Walthamstow dog track, and that's far enough for me." "Do you want this one, or do you want that one?" "Oh, you take that one." "You help yourself." "Are you going to the concert today?" "What else am I gonna do while I'm in here?" "Sit around, waiting for the Grim Reaper to come, and... put us all out of our misery?" "Got any fillet steak?" "Just what you see, mate." "Mate?" "Are you being disrespectful, son?" "No, Darryl." "Mr. Cooper is what you call me." "You want to be careful what you say, I could have you killed." "All your gangster mates are dead." "How're you gonna get someone killed?" "Advertise in 'Exchange and Mart'?" "I could have you done and all." "I know people, I do." "But go on, hurry up!" "Me stomach thinks me "apples and pears" been cut." "Your stairs have been cut?" "No, me "apples and pears"; me throat." ""Apples and pears" means stairs." "Take no notice of him, he gets everything boxed up." ""Apples and pears"; cares." ""Cares and woes"; nose." ""Nose in me boat"; throat." "Don't you talk English?" "Makes sense to me, Eric." "There you are." "They don't get better than that ever." "Lunch, Hamish." " Come on!" " Oh, all right." "I'd rather have a nap..." " with you." " Oi!" "You cheeky bugger." "Yeah, I wouldn't worry." "They're gonna tear the place down in a couple of weeks." "Yeah." "Okay." "Speak to them." "Bye." "Do you really think we can do this?" "Ain't got a choice, mate." "I mean, look at this idiot." "If we don't do anything, this guy is gonna knock down granddad's care home." "What would mum and dad have done?" "Life's gonna throw a lot at you, 'cause of who you are, where you're from." "See, some people don't respect us, the working class." "But don't you dare, ever, let anyone put you down, all right?" "You can be anything you want, long as you work hard, stick together as a family, and always stand up for what's right, yeah?" "Now, look, we've gotta pop out for a minute, so you two behave yourselves, all right?" "Here you go." " You ready, Shirl?" " Ready." "Come on, you fucking pigs!" "Come on!" "You'll never take us alive!" "Probably not the best role models for the current situation, Andrew." "I think they'd be all right with it." "An East London building site has been shut down, after several workers were injured, earlier today." "Police have not revealed the details of the accident, but a Department of Health spokesperson..." "Right, let's get the van and pick up the others." "I think maybe we should have picked something easier than a bank." "Nah, we'll be fine." "Davey will look after us." "You getting in, then?" "Yeah, yeah, just keeping a low profile." "We ain't done anything yet, mate." "Yeah, well, it's just, tricks of the trade and all that." "All right, now, my guy on the inside, he said that they were upgrading their security." "So, today, there's no security shots." "But the alarms are on and they are working." "Did you get the outfits?" "Yeah, I blagged them from the building site." "Sweet." "You're late, as usual." "Yeah, nice to see you too." " All right, Kate?" " Katy, not Kate, Katy." "All right, keep your "Alans" (knickers) on." "Excuse me for expecting someone in my own family to remember my fucking name." "Christ." " They let you out then?" " Yeah." "Lost your virginity yet?" "Davey Tuppence?" "Are you having a laugh?" "He's our expert." "Expert?" "What sort of an expert gets caught?" "Now, you've got to be really tough to do this sort of work." " Really?" " Yeah, double tough." "Do you, uh, wanna see some of my scars?" " Yeah, yeah, I'd love to." " Of course you do, babe." "Oh, bollocks." "It's the best we could do at short notice, all right?" "You said, it'd just be the three of us." "In and out, no complications." "Yes, no complications." "But we need as much help as possible to make sure things go smoothly." "That's why I'm here." " Which one is Mickey's?" " Mental Mickey?" "Oh, this just gets better and better." "He's the only person that we knew that had access to guns, all right?" "You said no shooting." "We can't afford to get caught with guns." "They're just for show." "All right?" "He's not mental." "He's just got a few..." "anger management issues, that's all." "Issues?" "He's a fucking psycho!" "I heard he pulled a geezer's spine out and wore it as a belt." "Great, I feel much better now." "All right, mate." "Here he comes." "Oi!" "Princess, move." "See you brought me a bird, then?" "Who the fuck are you calling a bird, you prick?" "Fuck are you calling a prick, you shitter?" " Whoa!" "Easy... easy..." " Katy is our cousin." "She's a locksmith." "And this is Davey Tuppence." " Yeah, I've heard of him." " Got a bit of a reputation, don't I?" "I heard you're a bit of a muppet, bruv." "It's a good job I'm sorting out the shooters, eh?" "Be a "pinion" (?" ") and try and ease." "Ah, beautiful." "Now this... is my baby." "It's a Remington 870 Express 12-gauge pump-action shotgun... with a tactical pistol grip." "Takes eight 3-inch magnum shells." "Her name's Tracy." "She's pretty." "Fucking hell." "Now, let's go fuck up some fuckers, yeah?" "Ooh, there's something funny going on at the building site." "Katy, don't look at me like that, for fuck's sake." "Yes, I should have told you about the guns, all right?" "But I can drop you off, if you want." "No chance." "I ain't leaving you two alone with these divs." "Someone's got to keep you alive." "Shit!" "Rats." "Lots of rats." "I wonder where they're going." "Down to the pub for a pint." "Who gives a fuck?" "Just drive through 'em, Ter." "Mate, they're just gonna clog up the wheels." "There's no point, we've got plenty of time, all right?" "Now listen, you all know what you're doing, yeah?" " Yeah." " Right, perfect." "Now listen to this." "This is the most important part, Mickey." "No shooting." "If it takes longer than 3 minutes, then we just get out of there." " Shouldn't we be wearing disguises?" " Ha ha, sorted it...right." " What's that?" " Well, it's a moustache." "I can see it's a fucking moustache." "Are you expecting me to wear one?" "Well, why not?" "Put your glasses on, pull your hat down." "No one will know the difference." "I've got tits, you teat!" "Well, in fairness, they're not...that big, so you'll probably be all right." "Last chance to call it off." "Nah, come on, let's go." "Now, when we get in there, I'll make the announcement, right?" "And then, you'll make as much fucking noise as possible, you know." " Really put a frightness on 'em." " Yeah, that's music to my ears, Tuppence." "Come on." "You need your own deposit slips." "It's bank policy." "Look, I just..." "You know me." "You know my account." "Why are you making this difficult, Clive?" "I wish I could help, but my hands are tied." "I suggest you go back to your..." "bedsit, rifle through your drawers..." "How dare you?" "How dare you?" "Come on, Davey, say something." " Let's just fucking shoot everyone." " Let's start with you, eh?" "Are you here for the money, then?" "Yes, we are here about the money, um..." "And we don't want any trouble, all right?" "Oh, no, no, it's no trouble at all." "I assure you." "Would you like to come this way?" " What's going on?" " I have no fucking idea." "I wasn't expecting so many of you, but, um, a couple of you can sit down." "Now, if I could just see your forms, we can get you that money." " Forms?" " The C114 and the 27B/6." "You are from Heartman Construction, aren't you?" "Yep." "Right, it's just that Eddie said you'd have the forms." "He said he'd bring them later..." "Okay, well, I can't release the money without the forms." "All right, stop the Lilly Law, will ya?" "We ain't got your fucking forms, all right?" "But, I've got this, you soppy bitch." "Now, where's the fucking money?" "I'll give you the money, just please don't hurt me." " Get up!" " Not you, Davey." "Look for about ten grey security bags, should be a couple of hundred grand in there easy." "Move." "Right, so, if we take two bags each, then, uh..." " What's all of this?" " Two and a half million." "All of Heartman Construction's payroll and profit." "Fuck me." "Granddad's gonna kill us." "It's too much." "Old Bill will never stop chasing us." "Too much?" "You having a fucking "giraffe" (laugh)?" "We can retire on this." "Retire?" "You don't even have a fucking job." "This is my fucking job!" "I mean... we're here, you know, might as well take it." "Let's do it." "Andy." "Jesus!" "We're gonna go down in history." "Easiest armed robbery ever." "Drop your weapons, and get down on the ground!" "On the ground!" "Now!" "Come on, you fucking slags!" "Get down!" "Stop shooting, Mickey!" "They were gonna fucking nick us, right!" "We ain't got time for a pussy fallback!" "Can't we just say, it was a mistake and we didn't mean it." "No hard feelings." "Well, it doesn't fucking work like that, does it, Andy?" "Ain't there a back door?" "Shit, we're trapped." "No, we ain't marked off yet." " Everybody, get down!" "This is a robbery!" " Everybody, get down!" "This is a robbery!" "Shut up!" "Fill up them security bags, before I blow your fucking head off!" "You want more?" "There's two and a half million quid outside!" "These are easier to carry." "We gotta run now!" " Ter." " What?" "Mickey!" "What?" "I'm gonna get us out of here!" "Fucking hell, mate!" "I don't fucking think so!" "You lost your fucking marbles?" "Give that back!" "Fuck off, mate!" "You let this off, we're all fucking dead!" "Just back off and let me think for a second!" "Come out with your hands on your head, and you won't be harmed!" "Suck my fucking chocolate stick!" "Fucking hell!" "Are you all right?" "Oh, my God!" "What's going on?" "Everybody out the front door!" "Everybody out!" "What are you doing?" "Outside!" "Outside!" "Have some of this, twinkle toes." "Peggy!" "Peggy!" "Come on!" "Tuppence, you're the expert, go and have a look." "I'm not looking." "You look." " Andy, go and have a look." " What?" "I can't see through this glass, mate." "Out of the way, wankers, move." "I'll sort this out." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Get off me, you big dickbag!" "Don't try any funny shit." "What the fuck are you doing?" "We're not taking any hostages!" "No, it's a bad idea." "Maybe you ain't, but I am." "Up!" "I'm no use as a hostage." "I have a heart condition." "I can drop dead if I get stressed." "Stay calm then, you muppet." "Right!" "We're coming out!" "And we've got hostages!" "Move!" "Might as well follow him now." " 1...2...3..." " Wait." "..4!" "And that can fuck right off!" " Mickey!" " What's going on?" " Zombies." " Are you sure?" "Pretty sure." "He's eating a foot!" "It's fucking disgusting." "Fuck this." "All right, grab the money." "Grab the money!" "All right, let's get into the van!" "Andy, come on, hurry up!" "Put the bags in the back!" "Come on." "Please!" "Don't leave me here with these things!" "Andy, get in the van!" "Andy, get in here!" "What're you doing?" "Jesus fucking Christ!" "Well, I couldn't just leave her, could I?" " Drive!" " I can't start the fucking van!" "Unbelievable." "How are you?" "She's dead!" "What's going on?" "What's going on?" " She's dead!" " Fucking get rid of her then!" "Hands off me, you mental bitch!" "Mental, do something!" "Say hello to Tracy, you shitbag!" "Yes!" "Sorry, Terry, I put her in." "That's my bad." "Mickey, don't ever fire that gun indoors again!" "You see that, Tuppence?" "Told you, mate!" "Nobody messes with my Tracy." "What the fuck was that?" "Why didn't you check to make sure they didn't put a dye pack in?" "What's a dye pack?" "The thing that just exploded." "That's a dye pack!" "Calm down!" "We'll be there in a minute!" "Let's lock the bleeding doors!" "Where do we go now?" "Upstairs?" " No, we'll be fucked, up there!" "Um..." " Oh..." "Where?" " Back door!" " Back door, right." "Come on, let's go." "We can't go that way either." "Peggy, kick it." "The bastards are everywhere." "Eric, shut that door!" "Darryl, drum those shut!" "Doreen, lock that back door!" "Close everything!" "All right, Tuppence, here you go." "Close the gate." "Go on, son." "All right, Andy, Katy, grab the bags!" "You two muppets, in there!" "Aah!" "I've got a gun." "A little slow." "Is that as fast as they go?" "I thought they ran really quick." "Mate, they're dead." "They're not exactly gonna sprint, are they?" "Fine, come on then, you fucking muppet!" "Oh yeah, hard guy, are ya?" "Have some of this then, you prick!" "That's how you do it." "You've gotta get them in the head." "Shut up." "How'd you even know that?" "Everyone knows that." "Come here." "Is that even actually possible?" "You'll pull my fucking skin off." "Can't exactly leave it there, can ya?" " Oh..." " What?" "Whoa, there's another one!" "What the fuck?" " Oh!" " Oh, rot!" "Come here, little fella." "Easy, mate, come on." "Oi!" "You little shit." "No, too much!" "Too fucking much in one day, surely!" "Never liked kids anyway." "Okay, get in!" "Right, Andy, Tuppence, put the bags there and there!" "Katy!" "Get on the phone and try and get a hold of anyone, all right?" " Get in the chair!" " Sit down." "Don't move." "Mickey, you all right, mate?" "Your arm looks a little bit dodgy." "Yeah, bruv." "Fucking good as gold, bruv." "So, no shooting and no hostages." "Job well done, boys." "Don't blame me trickle, yeah?" "The pigs come!" "I improvised!" " Thank fuck you're here, eh?" " Easy." " Fuck you." " Relax." "So... shall we jump in the car and head off then?" "No, no, no, we can't just go running off until we know exactly what's happened, all right?" "This...wasn't exactly part of the plan." "Nothing... shit reception." "Worse than New Year's eve." " Shit!" " Have you tried the radio?" " What?" " The radio." "We ain't got a radio." "Yeah, you have a radio in the van." "No, she's right." "You was listening to Dido." "Yeah, all right, I'll go check it out, um..." " I'll come with ya." " Yeah." "You, keep an eye on them." "Watch Mr. Bean, all right?" "Mental's been bitten." "He's gonna turn into one of those things." "Yeah, he's still alive though." "Doesn't matter." "His arm's going grey." "He's gonna turn." "He's a fucking liability." " What're you saying?" " He needs to be shot." "Fucking hell, Katy!" "You're a bit eager to shoot people." "Look, I don't want to shoot people, but I'll happily shoot somebody who's already dead." "He's not fucking dead!" "Fine!" "Don't say I didn't warn you when he turns." "This is an emergency broadcast." "There is a viral infection concentrated on the East End of London, and spreading fast through the capital." "The army have sealed off the East End to try and contain the virus..." " What are you up to later?" " What?" "Well, you fancy maybe coming to get a drink with me or something." "Are you out of your mind?" "You just kidnapped me." "You've threatened me with guns." "You've put me in danger." "Yeah, sorry about that." "I mean some girls are into that sort of thing." "Not you, obviously." "Uh, I just mean..." " Some girls." " No!" " Davey, probably not." " Sorry." "Cheers, mate." "I'm keeping track of all this, so I can write a report for the police." "I'm memorising your faces." "Put a sock in it, you little cretin!" "Hey, I'm doing this for your benefit too, you know?" "Why don't we just let them go." "Shut it, Davey!" "Davey, is that your name?" "Right." "I made a note of that." "Oh, great." "Thanks, Mickey." "Mickey." "Right." "Another name." "You're remembering everything, are ya?" "Yes, every tiny detail." "Well, don't forget this then." "Keep your fucking airhole shut!" " Well, what is it?" " Yeah, zombies." "Shitloads of 'em." "Yeah, some kind of mutated virus or something." "I don't know when it started, but it's spreading fast." "Maybe... it's something in the water." " Christ, Andy!" " It's not fucking water." "They're gonna seal off the East End to see if they can contain it." "Told everyone to just stay indoors." "Yes, and whatever you do, do not let 'em fucking bite you, all right?" "'Cause that's where it starts." "We've got a problem." "We've come this far 'cause we've got guns and we're strong, all right?" "But what about granddad?" "He can handle anything." "He was in the war." "I know that, mate." "But I think this is a little bit different." "You know what i mean?" "I think..." "I think even granddad's gonna have a tough time with this one." "We have to go there.Keep him safe till all of this gets sorted." "Yep." "Okay, they can't get in." "But, we can't get out." "Now, we're just gonna have to stay here, until we think of sumthin'." "Or the bowzers just bash the bloody doors down." "Don't say that." "We'll work something out." "Look, what the bloody hell are they?" "It's obvious, innit?" "They're vampires!" "Then what we need is crucifixes, silver, garlic, holy water, and Chrisopher Lee." "Oh, shut up, you soppy tart." "Those things out there..." "are fucking zombies!" "It's probably not as bad as it looks." "I think it probably is, mate." "We are going to be all right, aren't we, Ray?" "Yeah, of course we are, sweetheart." "Listen." "If one of 'em bites me, you will sort me out, won't you?" "Yeah, I'll promise, really." "But, uh... it won't come to that." "Thanks, Ray." "Same goes for me." "If one of them fuckers bites me... you finish me off." "You joking?" "I'll kill you stone fucking dead." "Eh?" "We're in enough trouble without you turning into one of them as well." "Yeah." "Don't worry about it." "Just a little scratch." "Won't kill me, bruv." "Honestly, Mickey." "Maybe you need to get to a hospital." "Maybe you should shut your fucking mouth." "How about that?" "Please, we've done everything you asked us." "You don't need us any more." "She's right." "We should let them go." "Fuck off!" "We just "half-inched" (pinched) 2 million quid." "As soon as we let them go, they'll snitch on us." "Oh, no, we won't say a word." "I will." "I'll tell 'em everything." "Jesus, Clive!" "Shut up!" "Christ!" "Fine, just me then." "I won't say a word." "Look, the world is clearly going to shit." "Do you think I care about your poxy little robbery?" "My sister's ill, I need to check up on her." "I don't expect you lot to understand." "You clearly don't care about anything other than yourselves." "Why'd you say that for?" "Have we said anything nasty to you?" "You kidnapped me!" "Do you know why we're doing this?" "No, and I don't care." "They're closing down our granddad's old people's home." "He's lived in the East End all his life." "We're doing this so he can stay here with his friends." "I, uh..." "All I just need is to clear me debts." "Lost all me rent money on racehorse." "What?" "I thought we were sharing." "I know it's hard to believe." "But we've actually never robbed anything before." "Huh, no shit." "When we was young, our mum and dad died and... granddad raised us so..." "you know... we owe him." "Why didn't you just save up?" "We did, for six months." "And then someone broke into our flat and nicked it." "You think that's funny, do ya?" "It's pathetic." "Sorry to break up you lot's fucking little orgy." "You're getting too pally pally for my liking." "You're telling them too much about us." "All right, Andy, I want you to light up the car, all right?" "What you doing?" " Gimme my keys." " Nah." "Gimme my fucking keys!" "Think I'll hang on to these, in case you try to run off with my money." "But it's not that I don't trust you, Ter." "It's that I don't fucking trust you." "Yeah, think I'mma shove 'em over there." "Don't make us go with him." " Get up now!" " I'm up, I'm up." " Guys, come on." " Move!" " Moving." " Take it easy." "You can't just let him take 'em." "What the fuck are we gonna do?" "He ain't got much longer, you know that, right?" "He's fucking lost his mind, he's gonna kill someone." "So what are we gonna do?" "He's gonna turn any minute, right?" "Wait." "In there." "Fucking mag mug!" " Now, get in." " Yup, okay." "You should be safe in there now..." "probably..." "I can't believe they got Hamish." "He's only 83." "Oh, I'm so glad I didn't see it." "Did anyone actually see Hamish in the room when it happened?" "He went out in the garden to have a kip, but I never saw him come back in." "Fuck!" "He must have slept right through it." "There're zombies everywhere." "Yeah, but they ain't bite him yet." "Hamish!" "Wake up!" "Wake up!" "You silly old fucker!" "What are you all doing in there?" "Don't talk, they'll hear you." "I'm sorry, I..." "I can't hear." "You'll have to speak up!" "Shut up!" "Come to the back door." "We'll let you in." "Pardon?" "There're zombies everywhere." "Come to the back door, and we'll let you in." "Run!" "Now!" "Oh, it doesnt' work." "I can't hear you." "You'll have to... hold on." "I'll..." "I'll come over there." "He's Mutt'n'Jeff, deaf as a fucking post!" "He'd move a bit quicker if it was dinner time." "Hamish, there's a zombie right behind you!" "Move!" "Right now!" "Zombie, eh?" "Zombie?" "What are you going on about?" "Oh, my, oh." "Oh, it's a zombie, oh." "RUUUUUN!" "Why're you going so fast?" "Ey-oh!" "Fuck!" "Zombies, oh, no, oh, oh, oh, eh, eh." "You don't look very well." " Me?" " No, Clive." "Him." "Why don't I come over there and untie you." "I'll show you how fucking well I am." "Look, I'm serious, um..." "Why don't you untie us, and..." "and we'll take you to a hospital, huh?" "Ain't going nowhere." "I said I'm fine." "Get out of it!" "He's not gonna make it." "We've got to help him, somehow." "Sumthin"s gotta be done!" "I'm gonna go and get him!" "Eric, gonna have to borrow your wheels, mate." "Oh, be careful!" "You're gonna break me "trouble-and-strife" (wife)!" "Shall I come with you?" "Peggy, youse guys keep the back door clear." "I'll bring him back in." "Come on, Eric." "Take care of this one, Peggy!" "Hamish!" "And you can fuck off and all." "Hamish, get in." "Bring your frame with ya." " Yeah, I'll cover you from here." " Come with me, mate." " I'll cover you from here." " Andy?" " Take your time, mate." " Sorry, mate." "I've been waiting for bloody..." "Fuck!" "Get off!" "Get off!" "Here, I'll shoot it!" "I'll shoot it!" "Terry!" "Quick!" "You all right, mate?" "Did he bite ya?" " No, mate." " Yeah?" "It's sweet." "All right, let's close this." "Oh, great, another one." "Fucking hell, that is mingin'." "Use your gun." "Nah, I'm gonna dig a garden in it's face." "Might be it's better to shoot it." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "How'd you fucking turn it on?" "Safety catch!" " Where?" " Oh, for fuck's sake, there!" " Otherwise it ain't gonna work." " Thanks." "Can you get free, Clive?" " No, it's too tight." " Oh, great." "Hang on, I can get loose." "Oh, oh, great, let me see, let me see." " I'm doing a knot." " Twizzle, twizzle." "Let me have a look." "Let me have a look." " Oh, that's it, that's it." " Chew the knot." "Oh, okay, let me try and bite it." " Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow." " Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry." " Okay, a little bit to the left." " Yeah." "Oh... you can do it." "You can do..." "Oh, shit!" "He's turned!" "Oh, shit!" "Uh..." "Clive..." " Help us!" "For God's sake!" " Help!" "Oh, fuck." "The hostages." "Quick!" "Get back in here!" "We're tied up, you fucking idiots!" "Right, in that case, Tuppence, block that door." "You two, come with me." " Right!" "Untie 'em!" " He's turned!" "Shoot him!" "Right, you're with me, sunshine!" "Come here!" "Sit down!" " Shoot him!" " I did!" "Shoot him again then!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "There's a metal plate in his head!" "Well, think of something else!" "Grab him!" "Grab him!" "Right, you can have this back, mate!" "Go on!" "Go on!" "Sorry, mate." "Go on!" " Ter!" "You all right?" " Yeah." "I blocked the window." "They can't get through." "Great." "Oh, bollocks!" "Get back!" "Put your hands up!" "Oh, leave it out, mate." "Shut up!" "I'm in charge now." "And we're all going to the police." "Don't be stupid." "We've got bigger problems now." "I don't care!" "They're all going to prison!" "Mate, you might want to turn around." "There's a couple of zombies creeping up behind ya." "Oh, really?" "Do you honestly think I'm that stupid?" "Well... yeah." "Davey!" "Please!" "Get 'em off me!" "I have a heart condition!" "Shit!" "You're all right, mate." "We'll get you to a hospital." " This way!" " Clive!" "I'm fucked up, admit it." "No, no, don't be daft." "You're good as gold, mate." "Good as gold." "Was it..." "Was it all right that way we did the robbery?" "Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, no, textbook." "At least..." "At least, it looks that way." "Yeah, mate." "As soon as we get all this sorted, we'll be down at a pub, mate." "We'll be raising." "Davey..." "Davey..." "I'm sorry, Andy." "He's gone." "We're going to the old folks' home now." "We're gonna save granddad and his pals, all right?" "Sweetheart." "Go on, take it." "Go on." "Now, you can either come with us, or we can drop you off on the way, all right?" "Well, my sister's in Marland." "Could you get me there?" "All right." "Rest in peace, Tuppence." "Giddy up." "Piss off!" "We'll be okay, Ray." "We'll make it." "Yeah, no thanks to me." "Look at me, I'm bloody useless." "I can't do anything." "Oh, don't talk bollocks, Ray." "You got us here." "You rescued Hamish." "We wouldn't have been here but for you." "I didn't rescue Hamish." "I just got him stuck in here with the rest of us." "And now we're surrounded on all sides!" "If these fucking things get in..." "Then we'll give 'em as good as we get!" "I've got the one with the specs." "Hey!" "No!" "No!" "Easy, easy, take this, take this, all right?" " Get in the car!" " I'm coming." "I'm coming." "Mental's got the fucking keys!" "Shit!" "I'll go get 'em." " No, Andy, you don't need to!" " Andy, don't!" "It's too dangerous!" "I'll be fine!" "Hello..." "Uh..." "Okay..." "Eww..." "Go away..." "You queer thing." " You all right?" " Yeah..." "What are you doing here?" "Saving your arse as per fucking usual, mate." "What, you think I'm gonna let you die?" "Oh, piss off, you muppets!" "I'll take you all on and so will my fucking brother!" "Fucking stop saying that." "Come on." "You better take to save your bullets." "Yeah, but you've already done a few, mate." "It's not a competition, Andy!" "You can't just go running in there on your own, bruv." "Well, it worked out fine, didn't it?" "Yeah, this time, eh?" " Fuck off." " Fuck off!" "Ta-da!" "We've got the keys." "I don't need keys." "That's why you brought me along, remember?" "Oi!" "Get off my car!" "It's a 5 series!" "What are we gonna do?" "They gonna break in." "Well, lets get tawed up, open the doors and take some of these bastards down with us!" "Are you seriously suggesting that we let 'em all in, and fight 'em off with a few packs of corn flakes, and a dodgy egg whisk?" "Yeah!" "And this." "Yeah, but there's only one of them, and there's a lot of Trafalgars out there!" "Eric, Eric, what is a Trafalgar?" "Trafalgar is a zombie." "It's rhyming slang innit?" "How is it?" "Well, Trafalgar Square; fox and hare;" "hairy Greek; five-day week;" "weak and feeble; pins and needles;" "needle and stitch;" "Abercrombie and Fitch" "Abercrombie..." "Zombie!" " Innit?" " Oh, Lord." "All right, well, how about it?" "Why don't we go out there and face them?" "Go down fighting?" "What do you think?" "But, somebody might come." "Somebody might rescue us." "Nobody cares." "We're on our own." "We're old-age pensioners!" "We gotta take care of ourselves!" "Looks like they've already sealed off the East End." "We'll be fine." "They'll sort this out, won't they?" "The army?" " Yeah, 'course they will." " Yeah, maybe." "Maybe." "Wait!" "Be careful!" "Shit!" "Everyone's been evacuated to the Hinzman RAF base." " So if she's alive, she'll be there." " Right." " I'll check inside." " Wait, I'll go with ya." " Going in?" " Yeah." "Jen." "Maybe she got out okay." "Okay." " You ready?" " Yeah." "Jen." "Oh, no." "Look, let me take care of it." "No, no, um, they might find a cure, sir." "Well?" "Did you find her?" " Uh, no, no, she wasn't, um..." " She, uh, she wasn't there, mate." "She wasn't there." " Fuck!" " What?" "Leprechauns!" "What do you think?" "I don't believe this." "Even when they're zombies, they can't stand each other." "This is just the weirdest day of my life." "Quick." "Hit the road, Ter." "It's pointless." "If they've already taken over this area, they're bound to have gotten to the old folks' home by now." "You can't give up." "If we're hunky-dory, so will granddad." "Oh, yeah?" "And where is that gonna happen exactly, Andy?" "Lucky fucking Andy world?" "Grow up!" "This place is going to shit!" "Can we just go?" "I can't do this." "Yes, you can." "Of course, you can." "You know, I would've died about ten times today if it wasn't for you." "I'm only lucky 'cause you're always there to sort me out." "We can do this... together." "Yeah, you... you helped me get to my sister's house, just like you promised." "The least I can do is help you get to your granddad." "I mean, we haven't even got any bullets left." "How..." "We've gotta pass Mental's lock-up, don't we?" "Yeah, I guess so." "His lock-up, where all his guns are." "Worthing Nora!" "Fuck me." "Right." " Right, Ter, tool up!" " What about this?" "How about something a little easier to handle, eh, Andy?" " Fair enough." " Come on in." " Put that in." " Bullets." "Slick." "Nice." "Go!" "Go!" "Come on!" "Guys... are you sure we've got enough?" "Yes, come on." " Shit!" " What?" "The old folks." "We're never gonna fit 'em all in the car!" "Shit!" "We need another van." " Katy." " Yeah." " Can you hot-wire anything?" " 'Course." "Why?" "Fucking hell!" "Ha ha ha!" "Yes!" "Hah!" "Wooo!" " Why've we stopped?" " There's a red light." "There's no other fucking traffic, you plum." "Just drive!" "Just be a rebel for once in your life, Terrence, please." "Well, for fuck's sake!" "Excuse me for obeying highway code!" "Get off our bus, you fucking mug!" "No ticket." " Sorry." " It's okay." "Yep, all right." "Well, look, they might be all right." "They probably locked themselves in the basement or sumthin'." "I don't think there is a basement, mate." "We need to make a diversion." "Well, leave that to me." " Are you sure?" " Yeah." "Okay." " Wait, wait, wait, wait." " There's loads..." "There's loads..." "Now, take this." "If we're longer than ten minutes..." " Then fucking wait longer." " Will do." "Hey, guys!" "Come here, you big losers!" "Woo-oo!" "Come on!" "Go, go, go, go!" "Let's go!" "Come on!" "Over here!" "There are too many of 'em." "Ain't there a safer way in?" "The skylight." " Yeah, go, go, go!" " Okay." " I'll do it." " Right, work your magic, girl." " You see anything?" " No." " Think you got twisted, luv." " Yeah, fuck off." "Done." "Careful." "Go fuck yourselves, you zombie bastards!" "Jesus Christ!" "Terry, what are you doing here?" "We came to to save you, then you try and use my face as a chopping board." "Well, I thought you was a fucking zombie, didn't I?" "Hello, sweetheart." "What, they dragged you along with them too?" "I volunteered." "Yeah, all right." "Let's get reacquainted later." "We need all of youse to climb up here so we can go down the fire escape." "All right, let's go." "You're having a "tin bath" (laugh), aintcha?" "Eric is a "raspberry ripple" (cripple)." "Darryl's got his bad leg, and Hamish is on his third hip replacement." "Okay, is there anyone down there that has not had a hip replacement?" "I ain't." "Now come down here, and we'll talk about it." "All right." " Oh, Andy!" "Andy!" " All right, Doreen?" "All right, all right." "Where do we go from here?" " Out the front door." " Yep." "Oh, fuck's sake, we've been saved, everyone." "Laurel and fucking Hardy here has come to rescue us." "You haven't seen out in the home yet." "There's hundreds of zombies out there." "Well, outside we've got a double-decker bus, so if we can all get set there, we're laughing, all right?" "Yeah, well, we got a knife, we got a few forks, and a fucking "alligator lopper" over there." "And... we got this." "Boys, boys, boys." "Now you're talking my language." "Right, who wants this?" "Uzi 9 millimetre." "Remember, finger off the trigger, till you're ready to shoot." " Thank you, thank you very much." " No problem." "Peggy, would you fancy something like this?" "I mean, is it..." "Wow!" "All right, so you know what to do with this, yeah?" "Of course I do." " Sorry." " Just be fucking careful, will ya?" " Eric!" " Sorry." "Et voila, I call her "The Bitch"." " You ready?" " Yep." "Let's do this." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "You gotta shoot them in the head." " We know where to fucking shoot 'em!" " All right." "That was it?" "Oh, well d..." "Marvellous!" "Darryl, where're you going?" "What're you doing?" "Come on." "Ey!" "Ey, look!" "Wrong leg, silly bullets." "Bastard!" "Had enough, have ya?" "Yeah, well, I think he's dead." "Come on." " Could I put me leg on?" " All right." "Hello, Natasha." "Sorry, lover." "I don't really fancy you anymore." " That was really sad." " Yeah." "Push me, somebody." "This bastard is mine." "I've got your back, bro!" "Eat lead, zombie!" "Come on." ""Gordon Bennett" (God blind me)!" "There's tons of the bastards." " Yes!" "Yes!" " I'm coming!" "Now, you're gonna get it!" "Come on, you can do it, boy." "Your time has come, mister." "Yeah!" "Come on, Doreen." "Get in." "Bugger, this is... unbelievable!" "Here we go, Hamish." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Get in the bus!" "Get in the bus!" "Andy, do we need all these bags?" "What, are these guns too?" " Hello." "Are you a friend of the boys?" " Oh, um, I'm Emma." "Um, no, I just met the boys at the robbery this morning, so..." "Robbery?" "Funny story, actually." "Um... we found out that the care home was closing down, and, you know, we..." "we didn't want you to go up north..." "And?" "Well, we wanted to look after you so... we sort of, uhm... robbed the bank." "You robbed the bank?" "After all I've tried to teach you about working for a living?" "After what happened to your mum and dad, God rest their souls?" "How much did you get?" "Two and a half million." "Well, that was really stupid." "Two and a half million." "It was irresponsible and wrong." "But you definitely got the Macguire genes in you." "You're not angry?" "Look, you risked prison to make sure me and this lot were taken care of." "You risked your lives to come and save us." "I'm impressed." "Cheers." "But if you ever do it again," "I shall knock seven shades of shit out of the barrier!" "We won't, granddad." "And don't fucking call me granddad!" "Terry, come on!" "Get your toe down!" "Let's get out of here!" "All right, here we go." "Fuck!" "I broke the gearbox." "Jesus Christ!" "I take it back!" "You're a pair of idiots!" "We're near the river." "Maybe you can find a boat." "Good idea!" "Let's get to the docks." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "You can't have some at all!" " Come on, Hamish!" " Oh, for fuck's sake!" "Doing well..." "Doing brilliant..." "Keep up!" "Go!" "Get on the boat!" "Hamish, come on, mate." "Hang on!" "Not much further." "Fucking die!" " Come on, Hamish!" " Just got to get over there, okay?" "Get the boat started!" "Take the bag!" "Hamish, you're nearly there, bruv!" "Christ, where's the key?" "Come on, Hamish, sprint!" "Stay!" "..." "Down!" "Come on, Hammy." " You all right, guys?" " Yes, come on!" "Get on the boat!" "Get on the boat!" "Oh, there it is!" "We can't go!" "We're still chained!" "Fuck." "Oh, fucking hell!" "You want sumthin' done, do it your fucking self!" "Youse two!" "Look after Katy... and Peggy!" "And get a fucking job, or I'll come back and fucking haunt ya!" " What're you doing?" " Granddad!" " Granddad!" " Go, granddad!" " Granddad!" " Granddad!" "Go away!" "Fuck off!" "Fuck off!" "Don't fucking shoot him!" "You're free!" "You're free!" "You're free!" "Right." " Andy!" " Andy!" "Oi!" "I'll take the fucking lot of ya!" "And so will his brother!" "And so will their cousin!" "This is for our granddad, you shits!" "Come on!" "I told you not to call me granddad!" "Come on!" " Katy, I'm out!" " Here!" "Katy!" "Oh, for fuck's sake!" "Not you again?" "Oh, Ray!" "Oh, that is disgusting." "All right, granddad." "All right, that'll do." " Oh, Andy." "Oh, my baby." "Oh..." " Oh, cheers." "Cheers, Doreen, yeah." "Do you think they will sort this out?" "They can't just leave it." "I mean, we grew up here." "It's part of our history." "East End's been through far worse, Katy." "It'll bounce back." "Always has." "Do you know why?" "'Cause we're strong." "Well said!" "And if it comes to it, I shall round up every nutter, from Bermondsey to Canning Town, and we'll fucking sort this out, the way we have done for centuries, through the ages." "We will look them in the eye." "We'll face them square on." "We'll fight them, and we'll win." "We shall prevail!" "Hurray!" "Yeah!" "Oi!" "Zombies!" "Get the fuck out of my East End!" "Subtitles manually transcribed by [ Subtopian ] Revisions by MacRellen" "# We're going head to head # # with the undead #" "# You can fill 'em full of lead, but they won't stay dead #" "# We're going head to head 'cause we really need the bread #" "# Now everybody's fled, 'cause they won't stay dead #" "# They're knocking down ol' London Town, and all around areas #" "# Disappearing over night what's been there for years #" "# The money to be made is big, just be careful where you dig #" "# You might be waking up the dead, I tell you, there'll be tears #" "# We're going head to head with the undead #" "# You can fill 'em full of lead, but they won't stay dead #" "# We're going head to head 'cause we really need the bread #" "# Now everybody's fled, 'cause they won't stay dead #" "# They're knocking down the home, there's ol' folks in the way #" "# A good old-fashioned bank job might just save the day #" "# We'll get the kind of dough we need just so they can stay #" "# But the "Old Bill" ain't the only thing standing in our way #" "# We're going head to head with the undead #" "# You can fill 'em full of lead, but they won't stay dead #" "# We're going head to head 'cause we really need the bread #" "# Now everybody's fled, 'cause they won't stay dead #" "# We're going head to head with the undead #" "# You can fill 'em full of lead, but they won't stay dead #" "# We're going head to head 'cause we really need the bread #" "# Now everybody's fled, 'cause they won't stay dead #" "# They've got all the numbers, but we've got all the guns #" "# If we don't make it out of here at least we've had some fun #" "# London's been through worse than this, ain't got time to read the list #" "# It'd take more than the walking dead to make a cockney run #" "# We're going head to head with the undead #" "# You can fill 'em full of lead, but they won't stay dead #" "# We're going head to head 'cause we really need the bread #" "# Now everybody's fled, 'cause they won't stay dead #"