"See Here, Private Hargrove (1944)" "Man, screaming:" "Hargrove!" "Hargrove?" "You see Hargrove?" "No, I haven't, chief." "Don't add cowardice to your other shortcomings, Hargrove." "Come out, wherever you are and face the wrath of your managing editor." "Aha!" "Something you want to see me about, chief?" "To say that I want to see you, Mr. Hargrove, is a crude distortion of the facts." "The truth is, I'd gladly pay a fortune to any eye doctor who'd fix it so that" "I never saw you again." "Come in here!" "I've done something bad?" "Hmmpf!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Sit down, Hargrove." "Not on my desk, you chowderhead!" "There." "Hargrove, I'm an old man." "Oh, you're good for a year or two yet." "Maybe more if you controlled your temper." "Thanks." "Hargrove, it's time we had a man-to-man, heart-to-heart talk." "Again?" "We had a man-to-man talk this morning and a heart-to-heart talk yesterday." "Hargrove, what have I ever done that I should be punished by having you on my staff?" "I don't know, chief." "Were you good to your mother?" "Kind to dumb animals?" "I've been kind to you, haven't I?" "Sure." "Honestly, Hargrove, I hate to fire you again." "[Eating candy] That's all right, chief." "You always hire me back in a few days anyway, and the rest is good for me." "I think it's good for you, too." "Yeah, but I want you to be a good reporter!" "You can write, after a fashion, you work hard, you're sober, you don't borrow too much money, you're honest, you're sincere." "Yeah, I know, chief... but you don't bother about the details!" "You don't get names and addresses straight, you write a good story and you walk off and leave it on your desk." "You do a good interview with the mayor, and you walk out with his hat." "You..." "I don't know what to do with you." "Another rejection slip?" "No, I got a feeling that this is an acceptance." "Heh, heh, heh." "Fat chance." "What magazine would buy the junk you write?" "Don't worry about my future anymore, chief." ""The president of the United States"!" ""To Marion Hargrove, greetings."" "You're drafted?" "This is total war." "Just wait till the Japs hear I'm coming!" "Yeah, I know." "[Men all talking excitedly]" "Well, what do you say, stranger?" "Should we strike up a lifetime friendship?" "Swell." "Esty's the name." "Orrin Esty, candidate for the position of private in the army of the United States." "Hargrove." "Marion Hargrove." "Likewise." "Is this your first war, Mr. Esty?" "Yeah." "You a veteran?" "Oh, no." "I did try to enlist in 1918, but a sharp-eyed recruiting sergeant noticed that I was only 6 months old at the time." "Tough luck." "Here we go!" "Say, if either of you chaps have forgotten anything... shaving cream, toothpaste, stamps, et cetera..." "I happen to have a few extras, and I'd be more than glad to oblige." "That's very good of you, sir, b... and no money down." "First payday's plenty of time to take care of it." "Hey, I thought we left the Morris plan behind when we joined the army." "Oh, this isn't business." "This is just among friends." "Mulvehill's the name." "Welcome, brother Mulvehill." "I am Marion Hargrove, and on my right is would-be Private Orrin Esty." "Hiya." "It's an honor to serve you gentlemen." "Oh, say, just a little introductory souvenir... no charge." "Oh, thanks!" "Swell!" "Say, I'm going to have a little laundry service going after a few days at camp," "I hope you fellas won't forget me." "Oh, I'll never forget you, Mr. Mulvehill." "Say, haven't you got some with almonds?" "And now, men, you'll probably be ordered to do a lot of things that you don't understand." "But in the army, there is a reason for everything." "If you treat the army right, it'll treat you right." "Now raise your right hands, say "I," and your names..." "[Recruits say names]" "And repeat after me." ""Do solemnly swear that I will bear true faith..."" ""Do solemnly swear that I will bear true faith..."" ""And allegiance to the United States of America..."" ""And allegiance to the United States of America..."" ""That I will serve them honestly and faithfully..."" ""That I will serve them honestly and faithfully..."" ""Against all our enemies whomsoever..."" ""Against all our enemies whomsoever..."" ""That I will obey the orders of the president of the United States..."" ""And that I will obey the orders of the president of the United States..."" ""And the orders of the officers appointed over me..."" ""And the orders of the officers appointed over me..."" ""According to the rules and articles of war."" ""According to the rules and articles of war."" "First officer:" "At ease!" "Second officer:" "At ease!" "[All talking at once]" "Detail attention!" "I guess he only... shut up, you two!" "What do I do now?" "All right, men." "Pick out your bunks!" "[Noisy clamor]" "Ohh!" "Oh, a bed!" "Man:" "Hut!" "On your feet." "At attention!" "Boy, what a sleep we just had." "No talking." "Take off those hats!" "At ease, men." "Sergeant:" "You don't sit when at ease!" "This'll be your barracks, your home." "See to it it's kept clean at all times." "Yes, sir." "Don't speak unless you're spoken to." "[Whispering]:" "Yes, sir." "Sergeant, see that these men are instructed in making beds." "Sergeant:" "Yes, sir." "Before you men get to sleep in these beds, you might as well know how to make them." "Corporal?" "Show the men how to make an army bed." "All right, men..." "Better take a good peek at this, you'll be doing it for a long time." "Now, the first step, naturally, is to unroll the mattress." "Then you take your first sheet and you spread it out evenly over the bed." "I don't want to make my bed," "I want to lie in it." "Sergeant:" "Pay attention, you two, this is important." "Now listen and watch what the corporal does." "You'll notice he spreads the first sheet over the mattress so he has an equal distance at both ends." "You smooth the sheet and tuck it under the mattress." "The second sheet you spread out to within 6 inches from the head of the bed." "Then you smooth it over the first sheet, and tuck this under the mattress at the foot of the bed." "Be careful there are no wrinkles or no holes in the sheet." "Now, your first blanket should be spread to cover approximately 2/3 of your bed from the head to the foot." "You smooth it and take the second blanket, double and cover the remaining space of the bed." "The bed should be made neat, tidy, and fast." "Then you tuck in the corners of the bedding and let it drop back, that's all there is to it." "Cinch." "Sergeant:" "All right, men, get to work." "[Stretch]" "Well, good night, men!" "First man:" "Good night." "Second man:" "Get him out of there!" "[Men shout and laugh]" "Ohh, what a day." "I feel as if I've been in the army a lot more than one day." "You know, fellas, I've been making a little investigation." "That doctor, the one that gave us all the shots?" "Just like I thought... he's also in charge of bayonet practice!" "Ha ha ha!" "I couldn't lift my arm even if it was time to eat." "Say, I got a little preparation here." "Out west, it's used for snake bite, guaranteed to take out the sting and soreness, and the beauty of it is, you don't have to pay a cent unless it works." "If it brings you quick relief, you just look up old Mulvehill first payday, and I guaran..." "Sergeant:" "Hey, you inside!" "Lights out... 3 minutes." "Snap into it and get to bed." "[Grunts]" "Say, if anybody needs any sleeping pills, I happen..." "Regimentation." "Do this, do that." "You'd think they'd want us to preserve our individual personalities." "You better wrap that individual personality and check it for the duration." "The army doesn't want any." "You know, we start drill tomorrow." "Don't you know some sweeter bedtime story?" "!" "Well, I got an angle." "You know, there's a few departments here we might be interested in." "Special services, public relations." "And I figure if we could swindle ourselves some kind of a deal... look." "Mulvehill, as a swindler, you're on your own." "I got a good look at that guardhouse today, and it made this barracks look like the Waldorf-Astoria." "Oh, all right." "If you want to spend the rest of your life doing "squads right" and all that kind of stuff." "[Bugle playing taps]" "[Whispering] Exciting, isn't it?" "What is?" "This." "I mean, being here." "Maybe it isn't for you, but I've never been away from home." "It's kind of exciting for me." "Sure it is, kid." "For me, too." "Ha!" "What's the matter?" "Can't you sleep?" "No." "I was dead tired till I got in bed, too." "I'm worried." "Yeah?" "I didn't give the draft board my new address." "[Whispering] Hey!" "Hmm?" "Boy, I've worried and wondered about this first day for a long time." "I'm sure glad it's over." "Yeah, me, too." "We're soldiers." "It's a brand-new thing." "I don't feel like a soldier." "Don't even look like a soldier." "Well, that's the army's problem from now on." "[Train whistle blowing]" "Oh, can't they even stop blowing whistles at us when we're in bed?" "Did you hear that, guys?" "That train's taking out the ones that's finished their training." "Boy, they're off to action somewhere." "[Whistle blows]" "It's the Shanghai Express." "That's what they calls it here." "All right, you guys." "We got a tough day tomorrow." "Now, shut up and get to sleep!" "Man:" "Good night, sargey-wargey!" "Did I say a tough day tomorrow?" "Well, I mean a very tough day tomorrow." "Soldier:" "Hut, hut, hut..." "[Knock knock]" "Oh, hello, sergeant." "Hargrove, you can't be on KP again." "No?" "Hargrove, how many days have you been in the army now?" "5." "And how many days have you been on KP now?" "5." "Ohhh, Hargrove!" "But I've never been on KP twice in the same day, sarge!" "Well, if it were possible, you would be." "What was it this time?" "[Whispering] It really wasn't my fault at all." "It's all right, Hargrove." "The corporal isn't here to defend himself." "You can tell all the lies you like." "Well, I was drilling away, and out of the clear sky, for no reason at all, the corporal slings me over to mess for KP." "You really think he's just down on you, Hargrove?" "Well, I hate to make an accusation like that, sergeant, but it must be... weren't you late falling out for reveille this morning?" "Well, I... weren't your leggings on backwards?" "Yes, but..." "I know." "You went back to fix them." "When you came back, you didn't have your field hat on!" "Yes, sir." "And another thing, Hargrove." "Why do you say "sir" to non-commissioned officers and forget to salute commissioned officers?" "I don't mean to, sergeant... and when you do remember to salute an officer, you click your heels and bow from the waist as if you were a member of the German army!" "Well, I get confused!" "Hey, Hargrove!" "How you coming with the garbage cans?" "Oh, fine!" "Remember, Hargrove." "I want to be able to see my face in them garbage cans." "No accounting for taste, is there, sir?" "Not "sir," Hargrove." "Just "sergeant," or just nothing at all, but please, not "sir"!" "No, sergeant." "Will there be anything else, sergeant?" "There better not be, Hargrove." "[Sighs]" "How's the platoon coming, sergeant?" "Whipping the boys into shape?" "Oh, pretty good." "I'd like to get out on the rifle range in a hurry, though." "What's the rush?" "The platoon's pretty green." "I think maybe Hargrove might get himself shot... accidentally." "Then the outfit would be in great shape." "Oh, him." "Yeah, him." "I been watching that kid." "He's got an idea that this is some kind of a picnic." "Well, he don't get away with that stuff in this battery." "Well, you know how it is." "They're a bunch of kids." "Sometimes they don't quite realize... they gotta realize." "They gotta realize we're fighting a war." "The army didn't take them in to build them up and then let them loaf." "We're going to turn this crew into fighting men, heldon." "Sometimes I wonder." "Say, maybe I could ease Hargrove out of the battery." "That is, if you and the old man help... not a chance." "He stays and he works and he gets to be a pretty good soldier even if we have to mash him flat and start off from scratch." "Ok." "You keep a miracle up your sleeve for emergencies." "Right shoulder, ho!" "Hut!" "Arms!" "Left shoulder, arms!" "Order, arms!" "Right shoulder, arms!" "Order, arms!" "At ease, Hargrove." "There." "You did that perfectly." "Yes, sir." "Uh, yes, sergeant." "That's fine, Hargrove." "Now, what else did we learn today, Hargrove?" "I must not salute the non-commissioned officers." "I must salute the commissioned officers." "Thank you, Hargrove." "Now, that's enough of the rifle." "All right, now get this." "We'll pretend I'm a commissioned officer." "I've just come along the drill field." "Ready?" "Yes, sir." "[Clack]" "No, Hargrove, no!" "You don't click your heels and bow when you salute." "Oh, I'm sorry, sergeant, I forgot." "All right." "Now I'm a non-commissioned officer again." "Oh, they busted you, huh?" "Later on we'll have the jokes, Hargrove." "Now, how do you... uh-oh." "That's all." "Yes, sir." "[Whispering] Now, look." "Whatever you do, don't ball me up." "That's the old man and I'm not supposed to be out here drilling you alone like this." "Now, remember, you salute." "You don't click your heels." "You don't bow." "Yes, sir." "You don't say sir." "I mean, you do say sir... you're confusing me!" "You say sir to me... to him... not to me... you s..." "uh... uh..." "[Both click heels]" "Where did you learn that salute, sergeant?" "Vienna?" "I'm sorry, I was just out here..." "I mean, I'm sorry, sir!" "All right, sergeant, don't shout." "At ease, Hargrove." "Thank you, sir." "I was just giving Private Hargrove a little personal, extra instruction." "He found some of the drills difficult." "I was trying to keep the squad up to the mark." "Sir." "Are you all right, sergeant?" "Haven't you been out in the sun too long?" "Good work, Hargrove." "I like your spirit." "Oh, thank you, sir." "And I'd like to see you in my office in the morning, sergeant." "Yes, sir." "Will there be anything else, sir?" "Not "sir," Hargrove!" "You say "sir" to the commissioned officers, not to the... never mind, Hargrove." "You may go, Hargrove." "Yes, sir." "Thank you, sir." "[Clicks heels]" "[Rapid gunfire]" "Now, you don't yank on that trigger like a soda jerk, Hargrove." "A smooth, slow, easy squeeze does it." "[Groan]" "Well, what are you doing now?" "I'm trying to squeeze it slowly." "Well, for Pete's sakes." "Not that slow." "If that was the enemy out there, they'd be cramping on your head by now." "Even if I was running?" "Ev... shoot, will you?" "The suspense is killing me." "[Bang] 3 o'clock!" "That's your last round?" "Yeah, sarge." "I want to see this score." "Maggie's drawers again." "Well, you're improving." "You didn't hit anybody else's target that time, even if you didn't hit your own." "Man:" "B-o-i-d." "Bird." "[Typewriter keys clicking]" "Esty:" "Say, what are you beating out on that thing?" "I have some military secrets that I'm selling to foreign governments." "And the beauty of it is, they don't have to pay me until the first payday." "What kind of secrets?" "Must be about KP for you to know." "Marion's got a secret formula for garbage can polish." "Actually, you pair of illiterate, untutored grafters," "I am composing certain pieces for my old newspaper, and for what I am assured will be but a very generous compensation." "Does that mean he'll get paid for writing something?" "That's the impression he's trying to get across." "Oh, poor little thing." "KP must have sapped his tired brain." "[Blows whistle] Late mail!" "First man:" "Hey, fellas!" "Here comes the mail!" "Um, Flanders." "[Men talking loudly]" "Second man:" "If I don't get a letter from my gal, I'm gonna kill her." "Man:" "Ok, if you're in a hurry, there it is." "Wait a minute!" "Take it easy now!" "Don't be tearin' the mail!" "Third man:" "Hey, here's that letter from your girl!" "No mail, huh?" "No." "Well, here's a girl you might like." "Why, thanks!" "It's all right." "Check?" "Yes, a check." "Ohh!" "That much, eh?" "How much, eh?" "Oh, enough." "From the paper?" "Uh-huh." "Well, what does the letter say?" "It's from the managing editor." ""Dear Hargrove..."" "He says it's a masterpiece!" "Take all I can send them." "He says it's one of the finest pieces he has ever read." "Oh, but why should I bore you fellas with my triumphs?" "Hargrove?" "Buddy?" "Of course, you realize my good-natured joshing about your writing ability was just kidding." "Yeah, Hargrove." "Er..." "I mean, buddy." "Me, too." "Naturally, we who are closest to you realize that your writing is talented and... naturally." "Why don't you come with us, pal?" "Personally, I wouldn't mind standing treat to a little celebration." "No, I think I'd better stay and dash off a couple of more columns." "Sure, you keep right at it." "Here, use my pen." "Newspaper men don't use pens, they use typewriters." "Sure." "Don't they, pal?" "Smart as a whip, that boy." "Keen mind." "I noticed it right away." "Ought to be able to figure out some way to get in on that extra money." "[Typewriter keys clicking]" "Boy, what I wouldn't give for one of them machines." "Oh, you're welcome to use this, Burk." "Yeah?" "Uh, how would I run it?" "Oh, if you want to write a letter or something," "I'll do it for you." "I'm all through now." "No, I'm all through myself." "Anyway, if my mother got a letter written on that, she'd think I was either dead or crazy." "She says I write like a educated ape." "But at least when she gets the letter, she knows it's from me." "How come you're not over at the service club?" "I'll bet you shake a mean hoof." "I better wait awhile." "I tread on so many of them dames the last dance," "I don't think I'd do so good over there tonight." "Very clever, Private Burk." "Anyway, I got some book work to do." "Book work?" "Yeah." "I'm reading up on the field artillery." "You see, when I got in, they was tapping all us guys for infantry, but I told them I wanted field artillery." "Maybe lying a little bit that I knew all about it." "So now I'm catching up on what they think I know." "But what difference does it make where they put you?" "It's all the army." "Maybe you look at it like that, but the way I figure it, with a little rifle, the kind they give you in the infantry, you can only knock off one Nazi at a time." "But in the artillery, with a big lollapalooza of a shell, a lucky guy might get a whole company with one shot!" "Boy, I'd like that." "Yeah." "You think we'll get a crack at them?" "If we don't, I'll get transferred to where I can get at them." "Or I'll buy a Cannon and go into business for myself." "Boy, you have got a burn against the Nazis." "Have you got relatives in concentration camps?" "What?" "In Jersey City?" "Nah, I just get steamed up when I read how they push people around." "And I say to myself, it's time somebody pushed them around, till their mean skulls rattle." "Yeah." "I'm for that." "And when they start in on us, I say to myself," ""Boy, let's face it." "Get in."" "So, here I am." "And I bet the army wishes it had about 10 million more just like you." "They'll be along." "The way I feel can't be such a special, exclusive kind of thing." "Or I wouldn't be smart enough to feel it." "Oh, I wouldn't be too sure." "And anyway, I get a big boot out of it right now." "Look out at that." "Look at the size of this place." "And all them P-47s up there, like angels guarding us at night." "And how you feel when the whole fort lines up for retreat." "Or we go out on maneuvers, and everywhere you look, you see the United States Army, lined up on every road as far as you can look." "Why, Private Burk." "You're a poet!" "Hey, you want a rap in the snoot?" "No offense, Bill!" "Ok." "But no cracks." "I better get that letter in the mail, or my mother will come down here and bat my ears off." "Ha!" "So long, kid." "So long, Bill." "[Big band music playing]" "You know, somebody who didn't understand the situation might think I was trying to muscle in on Private Hargrove's good fortune." "Oh, I understand, Mulvehill." "I knew you would." "Thanks!" "You're welcome." "Take all you want." "Swell." "The way I see it, if it wasn't for the rest of the fellas in the army, well, Hargrove couldn't write these pieces about it and make this extra money." "So he really owes half of the money to the rest of the fellas in the army." "Naturally, when you try and split it up among 10 million guys, nobody's going to get very much." "So, we have to narrow it down to just a few of us." "Two, to be exact." "Mmm-hmm." "Doughnuts?" "No, thank you." "No, thank you." "How about you?" "They're free tonight, you know." "No, thanks." "Come on, take one." "Ok, thank you very much." "Last round, boys." "Why don't you sit down?" "Why, thank you." "Say, you know... did you boys have any supper?" "That's your second helping, you know." "The kind of supper we get, what difference does it make?" "Oh, you're kidding." "I happen to know the army food is swell." "Yeah, but you should see the tiny portions." "Yeah, in our battery, when dinner's ready, they don't say, "come and get it,"" "they say, "come and find it."" "Well, we want you boys to feel this is your home." "But you're sure you won't get sick or anything." "We only get sick from not eating." "You go to work on these." "Good night, boys!" "Good night." "Good night." "Oh, miss!" "If we could escort you someplace, please feel free to call upon us." "Yeah." "It isn't safe walking around here at night." "Wolves, you know." "I'm beginning to know." "Yes, I wish you would escort me." "This is a genuine pleasure, miss, uh..." "Well, here we are, boys." "Thank you so much." "[Laughs sheepishly]" "[Clears throat]" "Hey, fellas!" "Who's that girl?" "Oh, her?" "Well, she was just..." "ow!" "I beg your pardon." "What was that?" "The girl you were just talking to, that got into the bus." "Yeah?" "Oh, her!" "Yeah." "Oh, well, you know that Date Bureau I was organizing?" "Well, that's one of the cuties I got lined up for it." "Oh!" "That's for me." "Fix it up, will you?" "Well, she's our most popular number." "She'd cost you quite a bit." "Oh, now, look, fellas, who cares about money at a time like... how much?" "Well, a date for Saturday night, say, would cost you 5 bucks." "5 bucks?" "!" "I had to go to a lot of trouble to get this thing organized, you know." "I got a big overhead..." "advertising, publicity..." "Operation expenses..." "Ok, ok." "Uh, Esty, mark down one date for Private Hargrove for Saturday night with number 18." "Number 18?" "Don't I get to call her by her name for 5 bucks?" "In due time." "Mustn't rush things, you know." "Well, you certainly rushed for my 5 bucks." "Well, that's a different thing entirely!" "One is love and the other is money." "And never the twain shall meet." "You got it?" "Hargrove, number 18, Saturday night." "On behalf of the Fort Bragg Date Bureau, L.T.D.," "I want to impress upon you the fact that the bureau expects you to conduct yourself like a gentleman at all times." "But if you kiss her, that's 50 cents extra for us." "Nah, we'll toss that in with the date this time." "Say, uh, don't be surprised if Miss Halliday is just a bit standoffish at first." "Yeah, yeah, ok, ok." "And thanks a lot for the ammunition, fellas." "Not another word." "Payday's plenty of time to thank me..." "And pay me." "Oh, yes." "Ahem." "Well, here you are, kid." "Good luck." "Well..." "So long, fellas." "Gee, Mulvehill, do you think we ought to let him barge in on a strange girl?" "She might have a brother..." "a big brother." "Hargrove might get hurt." "Don't give it another thought." "It's all taken care of." "Really?" "You fixed it up with the girl?" "No, no." "I, uh..." "I sold Hargrove an accident insurance policy." "Yes?" "Good evening, sir." "I'm calling on Miss Carol Halliday." "Come in." "Thank you." "Come inside." "Thank you." "Have a chair." "Oh, thank you." "Carol is expecting you?" "Oh, yes, sir." "What name?" "Private Hargrove, sir." "Private Marion Hargrove, "D" Battery," "First Battalion, First Regiment," "Field Artillery Replacement Training Center," "Fort Bragg, North Carolina." "United States Army?" "Yes, sir." "I'll tell her." "Thank you." "Carol?" "Yes, Uncle George?" "There's a soldier here to see you..." "Private Marion Hargrove," "Battery "D", First Battalion," "First Regiment, et cetera," "North Carolina." "Who?" "Private Marion Hargrove, Battery "D", First Regiment... never mind." "I'm coming right down." "She'll be right down." "Oh, thank you." "Oh, good evening, Miss Halliday." "Oh..." "Good evening." "Uh, did you want to see me about something?" "Uh, yeah." "I'm Private Hargrove..." "Your date." "Thank you." "My what?" "Hargrove:" "Uh..." "I'm from the..." "You know..." "The Date Bureau." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Mulvehill and Esty, the fellas who run the Date Bureau... you know them, don't you?" "Yeah, but you got to know them!" "They sold me this date!" "They sold you a date with me?" "Yeah." "Paid $5.00. $5.00?" "!" "They said you were their most expensive girl." "Carol:" "Of all the unmitigated army nerve!" "Do you think girls are sheep, cattle, horses..." "No, ma'am." "To be traded in the marketplace like so many... no, ma'am." "You can have these back!" "And there's the door." "Hargrove:" "Yes, ma'am." "Heh heh." "Now, just a moment." "I'm leaving, sir." "I just... wait!" "You, too, Carol." "Carol, I'm a lawyer, and it's plain to me that Private Hargrove is the innocent victim of circumstance... circumstance and the designs of a couple of army chiselers." "Yes, sir." "Now, your honor," "I maintain that my client here has committed no crime except that of admiring a strange girl... the inalienable right of every man in the armed forces." "That's what we're fighting for, sir." "Exactly!" "And, in his naive way, my client has paid this girl a great compliment by forking over 10% of his monthly pay, not counting the extra cost of flowers and candy for the privilege." "The defense rests." "Counsel has some very important letters to write." "He just remembered." "[Laughing]" "Oh, you've got a rose in your hair." "It looks funny." "Oh." "Oh, a thorn!" "I'll fix you up a bit." "Oh, thank you." "Oh!" "Well, I'll be an M.P.'s uncle." "♪ In my arms, in my arms ♪" "♪ Ain't I ever gonna get a bundle of charms?" "♪" "♪ Comes the dawn, I'll be gone ♪" "♪ I've just got to have a honey holding' me tight ♪" "♪ You can take me whirling' ♪" "♪ If I've got to go to Berlin ♪" "♪ Give me a girl in my arms tonight ♪" "♪ In my arms, in my arms ♪" "♪ Ain't I never gonna get a girl in my arms?" "♪" "♪ In my arms, in my arms ♪" "♪ Ain't I never gonna get a bundle of charms?" "♪" "♪ Comes the dawn, I'll be gone ♪" "♪ I've just got to have a honey holding' me... ♪" "Take it, Bob." "Are you kidding?" "♪ You can take me whirling' ♪" "♪ If I'm a-gonna go to Berlin ♪" "♪ Give me a girl in my arms tonight ♪" "♪ In my arms, in my arms ♪" "♪ Ain't I never gonna get a girl in my arms?" "♪" "♪ In my arms, in my arms ♪" "♪ Ain't I never gonna get a bundle of charms?" "♪" "♪ Comes the dawn, I'll be gone ♪" "♪ And I thank you for the many letters you'll write ♪" "♪ As for something nice and cute and female ♪" "♪ I'll never get it in the v-mail ♪" "♪ Give me a girl in my arms tonight ♪" "♪ You can keep your shaving cream and lotion ♪" "♪ If I'm a-gonna cross the ocean... ♪" "♪ Give me a girl in my arms tonight ♪" "Well, I think the Fort Bragg" "Date Bureau is quite a thing." "I like the service." "Don't you?" "I'd hate to give them any references, but..." "Yes, I think it's quite an institution." "Uh, I could probably get them to make the same arrangements for next Saturday night at a discount." "Why don't you deal directly with the manufacturer..." "And eliminate the middleman?" "Fine!" "Next Saturday night, then." "Yes..." "If I'm still here." "If you're here?" "Where else could you be?" "Well, New York, just to mention one place." "That's my home, you know." "Fayetteville, North Carolina, is only a stopover." "Oh." "Well, let me put it another way, then." "Will you try to be here next Saturday night?" "You better say yes, because if you don't," "I'll have to blow up the railroad station and the airport and the waterworks to keep you here, and that's bound to interfere with my career in the army." "Well, to keep the peace, I'll try." "Oh, thank you." "Well, good night, Miss Halliday." "I have enjoyed the pleasure of your company exceedingly." "Please give my respects to your aunt and uncle." "Good night, Private Hargrove." "I, too, have enjoyed this evening, and I want to thank you for taking me to the nightclub and the lovely supper party at Joe's barbecue stand." "Well..." "Oh..." "[Whistling]" "Hey, you two, come here a minute." "I want to talk to you men." "I'm worried about Hargrove." "Has he done something bad, sergeant?" "No, and that's what worries me." "Hang it, here it is Saturday, and for a whole week now," "Hargrove has been the snappiest model soldier on the post." "Not once... not one single day, mind you... has Hargrove been on K.P. This week!" "He's in love." "Yeah, and we fixed it for him." "Maybe the army ought to give us a bonus." "The Fort Bragg Date Bureau... privates Mulvehill and Esty, sole proprietors... arranged a rendezvous for Private Hargrove, and it took so well that Hargrove's dead set on being a success in the army just so his girl will be proud of him." "Well, that's great!" "Say, maybe you could tell the old man what we did for Hargrove so he'd send us some business." "I'll see him right away." "All right, that's all." "Inspection any minute now." "Get ready." "[Whistling]" "Shoes out of line." "That's worth a gig." "Snap into it." "Hey, Hargrove, is it true you're studying to be a general?" "Well, not right away, naturally." "It will take time, I guess." "Ah, love, your magic spell is everywhere." "No, not everywhere." "Not in Fayetteville, North Carolina, for instance." "What's that?" "You mean, she gave you the brusheroo so soon?" "She has to go back to New York." "And you won't see her again?" "And how... right after the noon whistle..." "And then far into the night." "And then she goes." "Maybe I could fix it for you to get a convalescent furlough." "The sergeant thinks you must be out of order someplace because you haven't been on K.P. all week." "Sergeant:" "On your toes now, men." "The up-to-the-minute snappy soldier keeps his quarters and personal belongings in continual meticulous order." "Sure." "So that no inspection, no matter how sudden, worries him in the least." "Hargrove, stow that typewriter in your locker." "I don't want to see it again." "Oh, yes, sergeant." "I forgot." "Sergeant:" "Come on, hurry up!" "[Rattling locker]" "Corporal:" "Hut!" "Prepare for inspection." "That shirt's a little too long, isn't it?" "Yes, sir." "Don't you have a housewife?" "Yes, sir." "Well, use it." "Sergeant, check all socks for holes." "Yes, sir." "All lockers should be open for inspection, Hargrove." "Yes, sir." "It sticks sometimes, sir." "I couldn't get the door open, sir." "Yes, I know... they do that sometimes." "I had the same trouble..." "Until I learned a little trick with the handle." "Now, watch." "It's really quite simple." "[Locker door rattling]" "Easy does it." "Of course, some of them are different than others." "It's just like squeezing the trigger on your carbine." "Hit the dirt!" "I'm sorry, sir." "See, the typewriter was on... attention!" "Hiya, Hargrove!" "[Whistle blowing]" "There goes the whistle." "Thought you had a date." "I have." "Just want to give him a chance to clean up." "Hey, Hargrove!" "Not that way, this way." "We work right up to the service club." "Oh, corporal, not up there!" "Uh, there's a nice, dirty pavement full of stuff to clean up." "Let's tackle that, huh?" "You can tackle that tomorrow if you don't do as you're told." "Go on, get busy." "There she is." "She'll be knocking off any minute to go meet Hargrove." "I know, I know." "What you gonna tell her..." "or ain't ya?" "Sure, sure, but I haven't got this yarn quite straight yet." "This has got to be good." "Why did he give himself such a big buildup?" "It's no crime to be stuck on a street-cleaning detail." "Let's see..." "Filled her so full of con about what a great soldier he is, now he's scared to let her see him with a shovel and a broom." "Come here." "Go see if he's headed this way." "All right." "Bye-bye." "Bye." "Are you off duty so soon?" "Yes, Miss Carol." "To arms!" "The redcoats are coming!" "Are you boys all right?" "I was just thinking about some things that... sit down." "Sorry, I'm a little late now." "I'm going to meet your colleague, Private Hargrove." "Hargrove?" "Well, yes, of course." "Do you mean to say that you don't know about Hargrove?" "We thought you knew." "Well..." "What happened?" "Measles. [Gasps]" "German measles." "Those rats will stop at nothing!" "Oh, no!" "Oh, yes." "He woke this morning with a fever and..." "Little red spots on his forehead." "Well, you know Hargrove, what a soldier he is." "He just wouldn't answer sick call." "He wanted to continue with some important work he was doing for the commanding officer." "But he just couldn't make it." "Oh, the poor kid." "Oh, can I see him?" "I'm afraid not." "Contagion, you know." "Ahem." "Excuse me." "Oh, he's got a date." "He's just watching out for her." "If there's any message you'd like to send Hargrove," "I'd be glad to take it." "Can you see him?" "Hmm?" "Oh, no!" "No, of course not, but I can slip him a note." "Oh." "Well..." "Tell him I'm sorry about our date and about his being sick and..." "I'll write to him." "The enemy is at our gates!" "We're sunk!" "All right!" "Um, um..." "Don't rush off." "I'd better." "I don't want to miss the bus if I'm going back into town." "Private Esty, why don't you show Miss Carol the shortcut to the bus stop through the back door." "Oh, yes, it's... back door?" "Bus stop?" "What is the matter with you two?" "Well, uh..." "As long as you've forced me..." "He's crazy about you." "Uh, uh, yes, I..." "Let's sit down and talk it over, huh?" "And your best friend in bed with the measles!" "You ought to be shot!" "Corporal:" "Hargrove, get to work!" "Hello, Carol." "They told me you were sick." "I feel sick." "Sorry, lady, you'll have to break it up." "Oh, corporal, give us just a second, will you?" "She has to go away." "Just let me say good-bye." "Ok, but make it fast." "Uh..." "Uh, Carol, honest, I'm sorry." "I got into trouble." "I knocked the C.O. flat on his back." "On purpose?" "No, it was an accident, but..." "Well, they slung me on this detail, and I didn't want to tell you, so..." "Well, now you know." "I don't care." "Yeah, but the worst part of it is that tonight I'm confined to barracks." "Oh..." "I was sort of looking forward to tonight." "Ok, lady!" "He's got to get back to work." "All right." "[Horn honks]" "Here comes my bus." "Good-bye." "[Men jeering and whistling]" "It's a pleasure!" "Can I help you, baby?" "So long, Hargrove!" "I'm..." "I'm sorry about tonight!" "Hey, Hargrove, lean on that broom!" "Ok, cupid!" "That for the army, the battery commander, all first sergeants, and K.P.!" "And this is for you, you mechanical traitor!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "That evil, fiendish conglomeration of diabolical machinery is going to go straight on the government scrap heap!" "Oh, the things I could write about this army from now on." "Well, just get me a quick court-martial, 'cause I'm through with that kind of stuff!" "And you can say that again..." "And again and again..." "I don't like that." "Say, if he stops writing, that's practically robbing me of that extra money!" "Where are you going?" "To the showers." "You just had a shower." "I missed a spot on my left leg." "Tough day, Hargrove?" "[Giggling quietly]" "Hi, old kid!" "What's the good word?" "Shut up!" "That's what the good word is." "Don't bite me." "I didn't stick you on that street-cleaning detail." "You're in the army, aren't you?" "Anything or anybody connected with this army is strictly a pain in the arm to me." "Now, that attitude's just asking for trouble." "Might as well ask for it." "I get it anyway." "Now, look, let's be logical." "All right, you hate the army." "So the first thing you know, you'll get in a jam." "What will that lead to?" "A brick wall and a firing squad, I hope." "Worse than that, even." "No furlough." "No fur... and by that, I mean no trip to New York to see Carol, get it?" "Well, maybe." "And kicking that typewriter like that and swearing off writing!" "Why, that means no dough!" "So even if you get your furlough, you won't be able to go anyplace but Fayetteville." "Aw, what's the difference?" "But if you buckle down to it, why, the furlough's a cinch." "And, uh, if you just knock out a couple articles for the paper, well, so is the dough, see?" "Yeah, I see what you mean." "But, uh, why are you so anxious to see me writing again?" "Ain't I your pal?" "I mean, in addition to that." "Oh." "Well, I figure... you figure that sooner or later, you'll be able to swindle some of that extra dough." "Now, that is a rotten thing to say!" "Naturally, if you should happen to need some money, say, for a furlough..." "Or a trip, or anything like that, well, I'd be happy to help you out." "For a substantial cut, huh?" "Well, we might be able to figure out something advantageously." "I see." "Well, thank you very much for your pep talk, and I'll do just exactly as you say." "Hey, you will?" "Sure." "Ha ha!" "But I don't need your help, thanks, so you can forget about chiseling in on that extra dough." "Well, that's a very unfriendly way to look at things." "Hey, I dropped my soap." "Can you help me find it?" "Oh, never mind about your soap... ooh!" "Oh..." "You found it." "Aw, thanks." "[Groans]" "Fire!" "[Cannon firing]" "Today, we're firing for a record!" "Stay on the ball!" "Corporal:" "Battery, adjust!" "Shell h.E., charge 4, fuse quick, base deflection right, 8-0!" "On number one, open two!" "Speed and accuracy count, Hargrove." "Make sure you're on your aiming stakes." "Corporal:" "S.I. 300!" "Battery, 3 rounds at my command!" "1-3-8-0." "1-3-8-0." "Check." "Set." "Ready." "Number 3 is ready!" "Fire!" "[Cannon firing]" "Set." "Ready. 3 gun ready!" "Fire!" "[Cannon firing]" "I wonder how we made out." "With Hargrove as gunner, we'll be lucky if we didn't hit the old man." "Is that so?" "Do you want to know how we made out?" "All:" "Yeah!" "What happened?" "Greatest number of rounds fired, number 3 gun." "How about that?" "!" "Did we hit anything?" "Greatest number of hits scored..." "Number 3 gun." "Us?" "!" "Good work, men." "Ha ha ha!" "Just wait till I collect those paychecks." "Just wait!" "Due to the fact that Private Hargrove was our gunner," "I was able to get odds ranging from 2-1 to 5-1." "So, for an initial investment of $6.00, we win..." "Let me see, now..." "We win $18.75." "And..." "And the $6.00 back." "So that's 6 for you and 6 for you and 6 for you, and a 75-cent bonus for our esteemed gunner, Private Marion Hargrove." "Oh!" "Hear, hear!" "This goes into my furlough fund, fellas..." "New York!" "One of you guys Hargrove?" "That's me." "B.C.'s office... right away." "I didn't do anything!" "Maybe they got the target scores mixed up." "You better beat it over there, kid." "Yeah, I guess I'd better." "Say, have you got six 1s for a 5?" "Sure." "Oh, fine." "Thank you very much." "Hey!" "At ease, Hargrove." "Hargrove, I don't mind telling you that when you first joined this battery, my first impulse was to resign and join the Navy." "Yes, sir." "But during the past 6 weeks, I've detected improvement." "Oh, you have?" "!" "Uh, yes, sir." "Thank you, sir." "Now, on the firing range today, you not only lived up to my expectations, but, um, I never expected it in the first place." "Yes, sir?" "We're about to go out on a field problem, Hargrove, and I want to bring out the qualities of leadership and resourcefulness in every eligible man." ""Private Marion Hargrove, as of today, you are appointed to the rank of acting corporal with..."" "[Thud] Good grief, he's fainted!" "Now, this field problem between the blue and the red army, in which we're the blue, involves our moving out at 2100." "We move to sunken track, where there'll be a d-11 marker." "Rendezvous area lies 200 yards north of bivouac area." "First serial will lead column to rendezvous area, where they'll be met by marker number two by this time... 2400." "Second serial will be at I.P., 400 yards south of bivouac area." "Battery will be laid parallel to this point." "Any questions?" "Pretty dusty out." "I think my stripes will need cleaning." "You should only keep them so long that they need cleaning!" "Oh, listen, I'll keep these and add more to them!" "They said that the war problems are a real test of those men with qualities of leadership." "Look, we're on the tail end of these perambulators." "We go where they go and do what we're told." "That's right." "We wouldn't know what to do with leadership if we had it." "Which we haven't." "All right, so what's wrong in shooting my mouth off?" "Keeps me warm, doesn't do anybody any harm." "Hey, corporal, the gun brakes are dragging." "All right, you, you, and you... get down and give Burk a hand." "On the double!" "You know, if I were on the general's staff," "I wouldn't waste time crossing Bridges and things like that." "I would put the whole blue army on the train and send them down to Florida." "Then I would put the whole blue army on the boats, and bring them up that way, and I would surprise the pants off the enemy." "Great." "Of course, it would take two weeks, and the field problem would be over, but it would be interesting." "How we coming, Burk?" "It's all right here." "Ok, corporal." "All right, let's move out." "On the double!" "Hold it!" "You can't use the bridge up ahead." "It's been captured by the enemy." "You'll have to get this piece across lower down the river." "Have you got your map?" "Sure, sarge." "Get to this point here... the shallow ford marked off." "Get your piece across and rejoin us here." "If you can't do that, get through to first battalion headquarters." "You got that?" "Yeah, sure, sarge." "You 4 men... move forward to this point and scout around for enemy patrols." "All right, on the double." "Let's go, Burk!" "Cut a path on your right flank through the woods to the water." "Ok, corporal." "I'll direct you from there." "Right." "[Starts engine]" "All right, fellas... heeeeave!" "Come on, men... heeeeave!" "Easy does it, Burk!" "Heeeeave!" "Hold it, Burk!" "Hold it!" "Hold it!" ""I'll direct you from there," he says." "Quiet!" "All right now, on the count of 3, everybody heave, and this time, Burk, you really give it the guns, see?" "Aye-aye, skipper!" "All right!" "Get ready!" "Ready, men?" "All right, 1, 2, 3... heave!" "[Engine growling]" "Heave!" "Heave!" "Heave!" "Heave!" "Heave!" "Heave!" "Hold it, Burk!" "Hold it!" "We're drowning!" "Aye-aye, skipper!" "Hold it!" "Hold it!" "We're drowning!" "It's the first time since I've been in the army" "I didn't have to stand in line to get a shower." "Well, what do you make of it, sir?" "Well, offhand, just as a snap judgment," "I would say we are stuck in the mud!" "Brilliant." "Anybody got any ideas?" "Why don't we take it apart and mail it to headquarters?" "I've got it." "What's our problem?" "How to get out of here, but fast." "Right." "Now, the wheels won't catch on anything down there because they haven't got anything to catch on to." "So we'll put some boards and planks under there, and we'll breeze right out." "If we had a submarine to cruise around in down there." "All right, listen, men..." "first thing we do is dump off that extra gas drum to lighten the load." "Burk, get on that, will you?" "Dump gas?" "The corporal knows what he's doing." "Follow orders." "I don't think you're right, corporal." "The heavier the load, the easier it's gonna... quiet!" "Corporals are always right." "Bye-bye." "All right, come on, men... on the double!" "[Sarcastic] On the double." "All right, on the double, on the double." "What?" "[Sputters]" "Well, if it isn't Moby Dick." "All right, take it away, Burk!" "Keep clear, men!" "Easy does it, my boy, easy does it!" "[Starts engine]" "Corp, you're a genius." "That's understood." "All right, come on, men..." "on the double!" "I'm coming on the double." "Hey, have you got any idea where we are?" "Well, according to this compass and my calculations, we are in the business district of Montreal, Canada." "Lost, huh?" "Well, let's just find the first enemy detachment and surrender." "I'm tired." "Surrender?" "No!" "They'll never take me alive!" "That's the spirit." "I'm with you." "No gas, corporal." "That does it." "Ha ha ha!" "No gas, huh!" "Now how did that happen, corp?" "Shut up." "No gas?" "We'll get some gas." "Just let me think." "What's the use?" "We're lost, anyway." "You get more gas, you just get that much more lost." "We're not lost!" "Look, I've got it figured out now exactly!" "We're only about 8 miles from headquarters base." "I can take us there directly!" "Come on, fellas, let's scatter out." "There must be a farm or a gas station around here." "Burk, you stay here with Betsy." "Yeah, corporal." "Mulvehill, bring along that extra gas drum." "Yes, corporal." "Here you are, private." "On the double, on the double!" "Hey!" "Hold it, Burk!" "Hold it!" "Ha ha ha!" "We made it!" "Hargrove, I didn't know you had it in you." "Just leave everything to good old Corporal Hargrove, fellas." "Hey, come on, Burk..." "move out!" "Move out!" "Oh, boy!" "Oh, boy!" "Divisional headquarters!" "And then to top that, we ran out of gas, but that didn't stop me." "We commandeered some from a farm." "So here we are, we got the gun, and it's ready for action, sir." "Well, corporal, you've gone through quite a lot to bring your gun in." "Yes, sir." "I want to compliment you on your resourcefulness, corporal." "Thank you, sir." "I believe you said that your unit was attached to "D" battery, blue battalion, is that correct?" "Yes, sir." "In that event, corporal, since this is "c" battery, red battalion headquarters, you men are prisoners." "[Embarrassed laugh]" "Boy, what a strategist" "I turned out to be." "What a tactician!" "I really maneuvered those maneuvers, didn't I?" "Ahh, who cares about that?" "I don't care about myself." "I'm so used to K.P. that even in Fayetteville, if I see a garbage can on the street," "I stop and polish it." "But I get you and the other guys in trouble." "Oh, I don't mind." "I don't imagine Burk and Esty mind much, either." "Nah." "Only I'm sorry they busted you, that's all." "Of course if your conscience bothers you too much, why don't you take the boys into town tonight for a feed?" "I'll come along, too, if you insist." "Hey, fellas..." "General Hargrove's compliments to his staff, and he'd like to invite the members of gun crew 3 to join him tonight at dinner in Fayetteville." "Say, that's keen." "That did you do?" "Kid strike gold in that garbage can?" "No, it's my furlough money." "You can imagine my chances of getting a furlough now." "And if I did, they'd probably make me take along the garbage cans!" "This morning, I want you guys to police up your barracks better than you've ever done it before." "Battery, attention!" "Chief of sections, take over!" "Chief:" "Platoon dismissed!" "[Groans]" "Some party we had last night." "I can hardly stand." "Sergeant:" "Hargrove?" "Your furlough just came through." "10 days." "You leave tonight." "Oh, but sergeant, I'm not prepared right now to take my furlough... you asked for it, didn't you?" "Well, yes, but I... well, you've got it." "You don't have to take the furlough if you don't want it, but it may be some time before you can get another." "But sergeant, I-I'm broke, I... you can spend your furlough in the public library in Fayetteville for all I care." "Do you want it or don't you?" "I'll take it." "All right." "Gee, that's tough." "I feel like a heel." "Thanks, guys." "Hey, Mulvehill." "Yeah?" "I just got my furlough." "You'll have to help me out." "Well, I don't know." "But you have to!" "I haven't a quarter!" "I spent it all last night." "Well, if you're going to throw your dough around like a drunken artilleryman, Hargrove," "I'm sure there's... why, you wild Irish confidence man... whose idea was it to blow everybody to a big treat, huh?" "Well, this should teach you not to trust everybody you meet in the army." "Look... ever since I sold my first article, you've been trying to muscle in on that extra dough, right?" "Well, that's a little strong, but that's the general idea." "And how." "Well, here's your chance." "You finance my furlough, and you're a partner." "You mean it?" "I got to mean it." "Ok, don't worry, I'll fix it." "Come on!" "The meeting will come to order." "[Coughs]" ""The name of this association" ""shall be the Marion Hargrove Beneficial Association," ""set up for the purpose of supplying" ""the said Marion Hargrove with sufficient funds to visit New York on his forthcoming furlough."" "I'd like to change the wording to read "ample funds."" ""Sufficient" is what I've got here." "Oh." ""In consideration of this and any subsequent loans" ""made by the association," ""the said Marion Hargrove" ""assigns, bequeaths, devises, and bestows to the association" ""all right, title, and principle of," ""in and to, any payments of money made to him" ""or his heirs or assigns by the United States Army, or from any source whatsoever."" "That makes me as much of a slave as Uncle Tom." "And don't think any civil war is coming along to get you out of this." "Well, hurry it up, will you?" "It's almost train time." ""And that on his return to camp," ""he applies himself diligently to writing articles for the paper, thereby earning extra money for the association."" "Gentlemen, I am touched by the generosity of your proposal to finance my furlough to New York." "Especially as you ask no security, other than all the money I may earn during the rest of my life." "Could I ask one question?" "Mm-hmm." "How am I expected to live?" "Oh, we advance you further sums... small ones, to be sure... which are added to the principal sum of the debt." "Oh, I see." "Just to make sure that I never get out of your clutches, huh?" "I'd like to make a motion that Private Hargrove is permitted to bum cigarettes, cokes, and movie tickets from any member of the association." "Approved." "Any other suggestions or complaints?" "Uh-uh." "Uh-uh." "A pen, Esty?" "Oh." "Oh, don't you want me to sign in blood?" "Just one more thing." "When you get to New York, you will visit all the publishers and do everything possible to get your articles published in book form." "You mean if the book is published, you guys get in on that, too?" "Right." "But... right." "Right." "I don't know." "I hadn't thought about..." "I hadn't..." "Well..." "Ok." "Just sign it where I marked an "x" there." "Oh!" "[Indistinct chattering]" "Hey, here's my mother's phone number." "If you get a chance, call her up in Jersey City and tell her I'm feeling fine." "I'll do it first thing." "Now take care of yourself, Hargrove." "Remember." "You're all we've got." "Yeah." "Oh... take care of my garbage cans, will you?" "Ok." "[Train whistle]" "Mulvehill..." "Hurry up, this is New York." "New York..." "New York!" "[Chattering]" "Take it easy, will you?" "Hey, where you going, boy?" "Dummy!" "What's going on here?" "Hey!" "Do you mind, sir, if I... not at all." "Go right ahead." "Thank you." "Conductor:" "New York!" "New York!" "Oh, thank you." "Yes, sir." "What do you think?" "I don't know." "It don't look right to me." "Marion!" "Hi!" "Hello." "Hello." "Did you have a nice trip?" "Oh, fine, thanks." "Did you..." "Darling!" "Oh, that's wonderful!" "Where did you get the coat, bub?" "Well, you see, I'm from Fort Bragg, North Carolina... you're from the guardhouse on governors island if you don't get out of the coat, bub." "Yes, sergeant." "Must have been a mistake in the washroom." "I know." "You like that coat?" "Oh, yes, sir." "I..." "I guess it's your coat." "What's your name?" "H-Hargrove, sir." "Private Marion Hargrove, "D" battery, first batta... never mind, that's enough." "Where are you from?" "Fort Bragg, North Carolina, sir." "Hargrove, Fort Bragg." "Yes, sir." "All right." "But in the future, Hargrove, keep your wits about you." "Yes, sir." "Thank you, sir." "And don't go around town impersonating no officers, bub." "Well, you see, I'm not a general, Carol." "I was a corporal for one day, though." "Marion Hargrove, do you mean to tell me you didn't deliberately put on that officer's coat just to get me to kiss you?" "Oh, no, Carol, I swear I didn't." "It was all just a mix-up." "Well, it was a wonderful idea." "You should have thought of it." "Good evening, sir." "My name is..." "Hargrove." "We're all pretty familiar with that name around here." "Come on in, son." "I'm Carol's dad." "Oh, how do you do, sir?" "Let me take your things here." "Here we are." "Put these down here." "Carol's primping." "She'll be down pretty soon." "Let's come over here and make ourselves at home." "Want a cigar?" "Oh, yes, thank you." "[Sniffs]" "Mmm, nice." "I'll smoke this after dinner." "Ahh." "It's certainly different from the barracks at camp." "Yeah, guess so." "I was in the a.E.F. In '17, you know." "Oh, you were?" "Yeah, I'd be interested to know what you think of this army." "Well, I'd be very happy to tell you anything that I can... well, for one thing, do you like it?" "Does it agree with you?" "Well, yes, I'd say." "Oh, there's nothing like the army." "You know, later on you'll look back on these days as the happiest ones of your life." "Got any stripes on that sleeve yet?" "Well, I... oh, I had my ups and downs in 1917." "3 times I was up there, a top sergeant, and 3 times busted." "Well, I was a corporal until the maneuvers..." "I was busted once on account of overstaying my leave." "I got the right train all right, you know, but I fell asleep, missed my connection." "Well, that's like when I was coming back on the train to New York." "I... then there was that trip overseas with my unit." "For 14 days I went without a cigarette." "I followed one guy all around the ship, waiting for him to throw away a butt." "And he finally threw it over the side and into the ocean." "Well, that's like our first day at Fort Bragg... and over in France, you know, we used to exchange our drinking water for the wine with those frenchmen." "It was a toss-up as to which tasted worse, the water or the wine." "We used to guzzle it down, you know, out of those leather skin things, spill it all over the front of our uniforms, ha ha ha!" "Oh, and those uniforms, oh!" "How do you like the new ones?" "Well, the uniforms are..." "Yeah?" "Go on." "Oh." "Well, now the uniforms are really very... well, they couldn't have been anything like that g.I. Stuff in 1917." "Well, Mr. Halliday," "I've certainly enjoyed sitting here talking to you about my experiences in the army, but I think I'm taking up too much of your time." "Oh, ha ha!" "Maybe Carol is ready... nonsense." "I could listen to you for hours." "It's been a pleasure listening to your experiences." "Carol:" "Hello, Marion." "Oh, hello, Carol." "Did you two get acquainted?" "Well, your young man's had some very interesting experiences." "We'll have to have another talk." "Two old army men, huh?" "Yes, sir." "I'd certainly like that." "Uh, do you use a pipe?" "Yes, sir, sometimes." "Here's a new one I just got." "Take it and let me know what you think of it." "Oh, thank you." "Thank you very much." "Will you excuse us, dad?" "Sure, run along." "Have a good time." "Good night, sir." "Good night." "[Band playing jazz]" "My name is Hargrove, Mrs. Burk, and Bill asked me to call you." "Ah." "Uh-huh." "Mm-hmm?" "Oh, Bill's fine, Mrs. Burk." "Yes, he likes it fine, and he's a swell soldier." "Oh, they treat us fine." "Sure, the food is good." "The cookies?" "Oh, they were wonderful!" "Uh, send more next time, Mrs. Burk, because there's a heck of a lot of us in the barracks." "Yeah." "Well, I'll tell Bill." "Good..." "Oh." "Well, I..." "I don't think I can hug him for you." "He'd punch me right in the nose." "Yeah, well... well, good-bye." "Oh." "I'm glad I finally got that call in." "I wouldn't want Bill to think that I forgot about it." "It was nice of you to phone Burk's mother." "Well, Bill was one of the boys who made my furlough possible." "Marion, uh... hmm?" "Do you think we should have come to such an expensive place?" "Well, it just so happens, Carol, that I'm a man with resources... hidden resources." "Now, I know how much money you had when you came to New York, and it's been 6 days." "You can't have much left." "And these prices!" "Did you wire Mulvehill for more money?" "Oh, now you must think I'm really crazy." "Mmm." "Ah, and just think... we walk right out and leave the dishes." "What will they think of next?" "Oh, uh, waiter." "The check, please." "Right away, sir." "Marion, you... you didn't get an advance on your book, did you?" "No." "The publishers are still playing coy about signing checks for it." "But then how did you do all this?" "Oh, this chitchat about money is really very distressing to a man of means, Carol." "Now, uh, what would you like to do this afternoon?" "The opera?" "A show?" "The... oh, here we are." "Your check, private." "Yes." "Ah." "Keep the change." "Thank you." "Oh..." "Captain." "Oh, that's perfectly all right." "Marion Hargrove, where is your wristwatch?" "Why, uh... uh... you pawned it!" "Well, yeah, but it's all right, Carol." "The man told me that I could call him anytime that I wanted to know what time it was." "Ha ha!" "We ready now?" "Well, good-bye, son." "Good-bye, sir." "Take care of yourself." "Thank you." "Good-bye, Mrs. Halliday." "Thank you very much for all that swell cooking." "Come and see us again when you get your next furlough, Marion." "You bet." "Come on, we're holding up a bridge game." "Good night." "Play them close to the vest." "Now remember, when I kick you once, it means I got good cards, but no strong suit." "Well, shall we..." "Go out somewhere?" "Well, I don't know... that's a wonderful suggestion." "Uh, ahem... any M.P.s or sergeants around?" "I don't see a one." "Good." "I can relax." "Ahh..." "Do you suppose your mother and father really had a bridge date, Carol, or were they just being tactful?" "Well, they do play bridge." "They're pretty swell people, you know it?" "I think so." "Hey, and this pipe your father gave me... oh, boy, it's strictly solid." "In fact, I like everything about him." "Including his tobacco." "Oh, Carol..." "I know what you're thinking." "Don't worry, though." "I do this for dad all the time." "I know, but there's a knack to it." "Now you mustn't pack it too loose or you mustn't pack it too tight." "Here, try this." "Oh." "You're a very talented girl." "Am I?" "Mm-hmm." "Pretty, too." "Really?" "And you've got a very good disposition." "Well, that's really something." "Oh, well, you know what I mean, Carol." "You're fun to be with, no matter what we do." "Just... just sitting around, even." "Like this?" "Mmm." "Like this." "You know, even while I was hoping that some publisher would say yes about the book right away," "I was a little scared, too." "Scared?" "What about?" "Well, if I had sold it while I was here and gotten some money right away, there's no telling what I might have felt like doing." "I mean, we might have even, uh... well, you know what I mean, Carol." "We might have even got married." "Or..." "Something crazy like that." "Well, that would have been crazy, wouldn't it?" "I mean, you're in New York, lots to do, people you like." "Well, you know what I mean, Carol." "It wouldn't be fair." "Although it would mean an awful lot to me." "But I want to feel there's someone." "And then there'd be one soldier who was mine." "I could write to you and send you things... oh, gee, Carol, that would be swell." "Well, if I ever see action," "I'll make you proud of me, even if I have to throw garbage cans at the enemy." "Ha ha!" "Hey, wait a minute..." "I just remembered my train." "But that isn't for two hours." "Yeah, I know, but we haven't even started to say good-bye." "There." "I got it at Fayetteville for only 50 cents." "Pretty, isn't it?" "Well, it's cheap, anyhow." "Will I give that lug a welcome home when he gets here." "How do you like that nerve?" "We finance the furlough, we don't even hear a peep out of him." "We don't even know if he sold the book!" "Ahh, who cares about the book?" "I never thought he'd sell it, anyhow." "What did you put up the dough for?" "Just to help the kid." "Say, if he stands to make anything out of the book, as far as I'm concerned, he can keep... that is a very dangerous attitude." "I feel like telling Hargrove what a rat you really are." "Me?" "Say, I... suppose he gets a lot of dough for this book." "If he keeps it all to himself, he might get swelled head, talk back to an officer, wind up in the guardhouse!" "Ho ho!" "What a fine friend you are to wish a thing like that on Hargrove." "Who, me?" "Gee, fellas... then it's agreed." "We stick together." "United we stand... divided we divide up Hargrove." "Hey, fellas!" "Hiya, kid!" "Glad to see you, tiger!" "Oh, fellas, I'm touched." "Deeply touched." "Why, this little demonstration must have cost you at least 75 cents." "Now what kind of an attitude is that, Hargrove, mocking our poverty?" "Oh, I'm only kidding." "It's great to be back!" "Ah, wonderful." "Just like a bed of spikes." "Come on, tell us." "Well, it was even better than I'd ever expected." "Her father gave me this pipe." "Straight grain imported briar." "[Muffled]" "Got a match?" "Who's father?" "What pipe?" "Carol's father." "Don't you want to hear about..." "I want to hear about the book, you lovestruck goon." "Book?" "Yeah." "Oh, yes, the book!" "Soldier:" "Fall in for retreat in 5 minutes!" "Well, what about the book?" "Well, I expect to hear from them any day now." "It looks good." "In fact, I think a firm is going to take it." "But let me tell you about caro... what firm?" "How much dough?" "When?" "Well, not much right away, naturally." "However, if it's accepted," "I'll get a few hundred in advance..." "Sergeant:" "Ah, Hargrove." "Oh, yes, sergeant." "Back with us, I see." "A soldier returning from furlough shall immediately make his return known to the battery commanders such as the designated person or persons." "Oh, yes, sarge." "I forgot." "Is that so?" "[Whistling]" "Hey, psst!" "Hi." "Hey, I got to talk to you." "Oh?" "Well, sit down." "Pull up a can." "This is big stuff, very important." "Yeah?" "Now get this:" "You know our basic training is nearly over." "Pretty soon the battery is going to be shipped out, maybe way out." "Maybe thousands of miles from our friends and our loved ones." "I hear a rumor it may be India." "Well, wherever it is," "I'm quite confident someone will see to it that I still polish garbage cans." "What I'm driving at is why polish garbage cans?" "Oh." "You mean you have some solution to this age-old army problem, huh?" "Well, the fact is I have." "Two men in the public relations department here at the fort are being transferred to an army newspaper." "That means they're going to need two new men here." "Well, now, with your newspaper experience and your book coming out and all, we're a cinch." "What do you mean, we're a cinch?" "Well, I teach you all I know about human beings, you teach me all you know about newspapers, together we're ham on rye." "It can't miss." "Well, I'll think it over." "Think it over?" "Do you want to spend the duration manicuring garbage cans?" "You got a book coming out." "You gotta make some dough." "Maybe you'd like to see your girl." "Well, I..." "I don't know, I... this is answer to a K.P.'s prayer!" "Clean hands!" "Sit around in a swivel chair all day long." "Interesting assignments all over the country." "Maybe New York." "You know, I think maybe you got something there." "Attaboy!" "Now, first chance you get, you run up to town and contact some of these newspaper friends of yours, get some letters of recommendation, you know." "And what are you going to do?" "Forge some?" "Oh, don't worry about me." "Just leave a little space on the letters for my name, too." "Why, you old swindler." "Why, sure... didn't I swindle us the best jobs in the U.S. Army?" "Yeah." "Why, we're practically aristocrats of the field artillery." "No more K.P." "Oh!" "We'll travel to every important city in the country." "Yeah!" "Chicago, Detroit... and New York!" "St. Louis, Salt Lake City... and New York!" "Philadelphia, Pittsburgh!" "We'll be dancing in officer's clubs all over the country!" "Oh, brother, that's it!" "♪ Hey hey ♪" "May I?" "Why, of course!" "♪ No more K.P. ♪ ♪ hey hey ♪" "♪ Hey hey ♪ ♪ no more K.P. ♪" "♪ No more K.P. ♪ ♪ hey hey ♪" "♪ Oh, boy, Carol and me ♪ hey..." "hey!" "Hey... hey!" "♪ oh, boy, Carol and me ♪" "Hey... hey!" "♪ Oh, boy ♪" "♪ La da Dee-ah, ah da Dee-ah ♪" "♪ Da da da, get Carol in my arms ♪" "♪ La da da, ah da da... ♪" "Hargrove!" "[Approaching vehicles]" "[Whispers] Hey, what about those transfers?" "Pick them up, will you?" "Couple of more of these forced marches, and I won't have strength enough to hold a pencil." "Well, I just got word..." "Sergeant:" "Attention!" "Hup, 2, 3, 4!" "Hut, 2, 3, 4!" "Hep!" "Hep!" "Hut, 2, 3, 4!" "Hut, 2, 3, 4!" "[Blows whistle]" "All men in this barracks are moving out tonight!" "Yahoo!" "Where to?" "Camp "x"." "That's what we've been waiting for!" "Get your equipment, pack your barracks bags, and have them ready by 22:00." "You leave 23:00." "That's all." "[Excited chatter]" "You and your soft jobs, huh?" "What happens now, mastermind?" "Well..." "Don't bother me now." "I've got to pack." "Sergeant:" "Now get your stuff stowed away, and let's show the new C.O. that we learned to stash equipment." "Now, if you men would like to be in on a little secret... those 3-day overnight marches at Bragg was just kid's stuff!" "Tomorrow we start out on a 30-day maneuver, and they'll throw plenty of live ammunition and dynamite at us." "So this battery better be on the ball." "That's all." "And, uh, what is your comment on this situation, Private Mulvehill?" "Don't bother me now." "I got to unpack." "[Artillery fire]" "[Shell burst]" "How you doing?" "Oh, great." "We should be out of here by Christmas." "[Artillery fire]" "[Shell burst]" "I like this!" "You be careful." "You might get a slug in your bonnet." "Brother, I wouldn't lift my head to kiss Hedy Lamarr!" "[Artillery fire]" "[Shell burst]" "Exciting, isn't it?" "Yeah." "[Artillery fire]" "[Coughs]" "Public relations, huh?" "Sergeant:" "Hit it, boys!" "On your horse, private..." "get going!" "Come on!" "Hit it!" "Aah!" "Come on, fellas!" "Break it up!" "Let's go!" "Go through there!" "Come on!" "[Explosions]" "Come on, let's go!" "Come on!" "[Artillery fire]" "[Explosion]" "Come on, men!" "Keep moving!" "Over the hurdle!" "Yes, sergeant!" "Come on, fellas, let's go!" "Hurry up, men!" "Come on, Hargrove, under the wire!" "[Artillery fire]" "Come on, men!" "Come on!" "Hargrove, come on!" "You think we got all day?" "Come on!" "Oh, I'd go faster, only I like it here in the mud!" "Mulvehill, keep those hands down!" "You want to get them shot off?" "[Artillery fire]" "Oh, boy, this is good, clean fun!" "We'll be darn glad we had this workout when we get where we're going." "What do you mean, where we're going?" "It's a cinch with all these maneuvers, they ain't getting us ready for the camp show." "They're shipping us out." "I hear it's Norway." "Oh, that's a lot of corn!" "It's rumors, that's all." "Yeah, well, Burk got it practically official." "On the level, Burk?" "Official?" "Well, like Esty says, practically official." "A friend of mine, a fella who used to hack out of the same garage in Jersey, he's stationed over to Camp Roberts." "He eats all the time in a restaurant where the cashier goes around with a guy... he works in the officer's club here at this camp." "And this guy was waiting on some visiting officers from Fort Sill, Oklahoma, and that's how I knows we're headed for Norway." "Boy, is that official." "I could give you a better prediction by reading your tea leaves!" "Pick up your equipment!" "Fall in over here!" "On the double!" "You'll see, wise guy." "If you wake up some morning with snow on your bunk, don't say I didn't warn you." "Bart!" "Here I am!" "Shane!" "Here!" "Hargrove!" "Here!" "Lathram!" "Here!" "Adams!" "Here!" "Hey, it's from the publishers." "Open it up, slowpoke." "Come on, come on, come on." "They've accepted the book!" "And a check!" "A pen, Esty." "Now, you just endorse this, and I'll go right out and cash it." "A pen, a pen, a pen!" "Esty:" "Oh, all right." "You'd get it dirty." ""Total assets, $300." ""Cash on hand in deposit and banks and trust companies" ""other than this advance, 0." "Therefore..."" "hey, Mulvehill, what are you trying to pull off here?" "I'm giving you lugs a statement." "Say, if I was a firm of certified public accountants," "I'd charge you guys real money for a report like this." "Well, speed it up, will you?" "Now the stockholders are getting impatient." "Yeah, let's get down to the divvying." "Ok, if you want to run your business in a sloppy manner." "We got 300 bucks." "You split it up 4 ways, and that's 75 bucks apiece." "Oh, hiya, sarge." "Hiya, sarge." "Too bad you're not a stockholder." "We're just cutting up a dividend." "Yeah, how do you like our private goldmine?" "Those two?" "A couple of swell operators." "Mulvehill, I've met some 14-carat swindlers in this army, but you rate a salute from the best of them." "And you're in there pitching, too, Hargrove." "Your transfers just came through." "Public relations." "What transfers?" "You're kidding, sarge." "Oh, didn't they even tell you guys?" "Well, we didn't say anything about it because... oh, quit your stalling." "So you swindled two seats on the aisle for the duration." "What's wrong with asking for a transfer?" "Kind of tough on you guys... working hard like you did to make that a crack gun crew." "Well, everybody did, and it turned out to be the best one in the battalion." "Then half your team transfers just before the game starts." "That's what's wrong with it." "If you ask me, I'd call it a good break for the battery." "Ok, if that's the way you feel about it!" "You can take your old battery and mow the lawn with it for all I care!" "Old iron pants is just blowing off a little steam." "Now, where were we?" "Oh, yes, the money." "Well, as I was saying, that means a total for each one of the stockholders... keep mine." "Count me out." "But that's not fair." "You're entitled to it." "Look, bud, what I'm trying to tell you is that some soldiers in this army are choosy about who they go in business with." "I got 20 bucks coming." "You can give it to me or don't give it to me." "That's ok, too." "Is that how you feel, Burk?" "Yeah, that's how I feel." "Oh, he's a sorehead." "Let him go." "Well, Esty, me lad, that just means so much more for the old faithful trio to split up among themselves." "Excuse me, fellas, I got to see a guy." "Hey, wait a minute." "I'll give you your dough." "I don't want all that." "Just give me back what I put in." "Ok." "So long." "Well, buddy," "I guess that just leaves the two of us in the association." "Hey, where are you going?" "Ah, leave me alone." "Ok." "What am I doing?" "Oh, this is the life." "Isn't this better than standing over a hot Cannon all day?" "Shut up." "You know, I don't understand you, Private Hargrove." "Here I go and wangle us two very important jobs." "We're practically war correspondents, if we were near any war to correspond with." "We're doing responsible work with regular hours, and you sit there and beef as though" "I've played you some kind of a dirty trick." "Shut up!" "Ever since we've been transferred, you've been sitting around here, looking like an open grave." "What's eating you?" "And don't say, "shut up."" "Nothing, I'm fine." "Mulvehill." "Oh, yes, sir." "Hurry up with that story on the anti-tank gun." "Yes, sir." "Hargrove, hurry up with that story on the anti-tank gun." "Now look, Mulvehill, this public relations job is no cinch, even if everybody does their own work." "But when I got to do yours and mine... well, I understand that, but I got to learn." "Well, why couldn't you have just told the captain one simple, little lie?" "Why did you have to tell him that you were not only a reporter, but a photographer, a rewrite man, a copy editor, a retoucher, a..." "I got carried away." "Ahem." "Hiya, sarge." "Huh." "How are you, Hargrove?" "Ok, sarge." "Hey, it looks kind of empty in there." "Yup." "We're moving out." "How's things over at public relations?" "How's Mulvehill?" "Oh, he... we don't see you two guys around anymore." "Well, we didn't think we were very popular around here." "It's tough to get a good gun crew so it's right on the ball and lose two men." "We worked mighty hard on you and Mulvehill." "Yeah." "Well, we work mighty hard over in that office." "We've been on the job ever since we got there." "It's all the same army, kid." "Right, now check all your equipment on the truck." "Come on, snap into it." "Ok, sarge." "Well, so long, sarge, and good luck to you." "Same to you, Hargrove." "Say, sarge, uh... uh, are you going overseas?" "Hmm?" "Is it action?" "Hmm?" "Say, sarge, all the barracks bags are loaded." "Anything else to go on the trucks?" "No, but I want you to get right down to that train." "Well, so long, sarge, and good luck to you." "Same to you, Hargrove." "Say, uh, sarge... say good-bye to Burk and Esty for me, will you?" "Sure thing." "Oh, thanks." "Well, so long, sarge, and good luck to you." "Same to you, Hargrove." "Say, sarge, I want to get back in the battery before you pull out." "What do you say, huh?" "If I can work the transfer, can I get back in?" "Are you sure you want it that way, Hargrove?" "Sure I'm sure!" "I belong in that battery!" "I miss the gang!" "Only what worries me is does the battery want me?" "To take an official transfer, you got to get it today." "Well, what do you say?" "You're wasting valuable time." "Go to it, son." "Oh, thanks!" "And you better show me some real soldiering!" "We'll have garbage cans wherever we go!" "Whatcha doing?" "Huh?" "Oh, uh, just writing a letter." "Oh." "Say, by the way, did you know that the old battery is pulling out?" "Overseas." "Yeah, I heard that, but I imagine that it's just the same old rumor." "No, not this time." "I was just over at the barracks." "I saw cramp." "You did?" "Mm-hmm." "I suppose he gave you a big con talk about going back into the battery." "No, he thought this public relations was a very good spot for me." "He did?" "Oh, he's right, it's a great set-up." "Very useful work." "Vital." "Wild horses couldn't drag me away from this job." "Oh, me neither." "You know, I'm gonna kind of miss the old gang, though." "Burk and Esty." "Even cramp." "Hey, can you imagine missing a top sergeant?" "Well, I, uh..." "I've got to shoot over to the C.O.'s office." "You go right ahead." "Go right ahead." "Well, I'm sorry, Hargrove." "All I can do is put through your request for a transfer, and I'll do it gladly, but that's going to take a couple of weeks." "But lieutenant, the battery's pulling out today." "Sorry, that's the best I can do." "Well, may I have permission to speak with Captain Hammond, sir?" "Go right ahead." "Thanks, sir." "Oh, hi." "I'm just..." "I'm just..." "I'm just trying to get a pass for the weekend." "Oh, I was just trying to find out something about my next assignment." "Well, so long." "Yeah, so long." "Lieutenant:" "Come in." "Well, still after that old pass for the weekend?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "You still worrying about your next assignment?" "Uh, yeah." "Yeah." "Hey, that business about the pass, that's just a lot of hot air." "I'm trying to get transferred back to the battery." "Why, you... now look, I know what you're gonna say... all I'm gonna say, you big four-flusher, is let's not waste any time!" "I'll take the major and you take the colonel!" "Hey, any luck?" "Aw, no." "I got the same answer." "What about the colonel?" "Not in." "Oh, fine." "Hey, hey!" "Oh, Colonel Forbes!" "Yeah?" "Private Hargrove, sir." "I have Major Roberts' permission to speak to you regarding a transfer." "Oh, yes." "Major Roberts phoned me about that." "I'm sorry, Hargrove, I'd honestly like to help you, but I got to go over regulations." "I'd like to see you get back to your battery, but a transfer would take 5 or 6 days." "Oh, yes, sir." "Well, could I have your permission to speak to General Howard, sir?" "All right, Hargrove, go to it." "Thank you, sir." "General Howard's out of town, army conferences." "You can see him first thing Monday." "That does it." "Now we are stuck." "Yup." "Look, the next time you get a brainwave about easy jobs and transfers, just remind me to slug you, will you?" "Why should I remind you to slug me?" "Anyhow, how come this is all my rap?" "You're 21, you know what's going on." "Oh, you're such a con man." "You can talk anybody into anything." "All right, if that's the way you feel about it!" "Look, all I know is that you got us into this mess, and now we're hanging around here flipping our typewriters while the battery's moving out and le..." "Any luck with the transfer, Hargrove?" "No, sir." "I couldn't see the general, sir." "Oh, yes." "Conferences in Washington." "Well, that's too bad." "I was hoping you'd make it." "Yes, sir." "Thank you, sir." "Let's see, General Dillon is here." "The divisional commander." "Perhaps if you could..." "Come along with me, Hargrove." "Yes, sir!" "[Band playing march]" "Hut, 2, 3, 4." "Hut, 2, 3, 4." "Hut, 2, 3, 4." "[Whistle blows]" "You wait here, Hargrove." "I'll see if I can pave the way for you." "Yes, sir." "Thank you, sir." "All right, I'll talk to him." "All right." "General Dillon, this is the young man whose transfer we would like you to approve." "[Band playing march]" "[Indistinct shouting]" "[Horn honking]" "Hey, sarge, look!" "[Honking]" "A staff car!" "Holy smoke, it's the general!" "Attention!" "[Honk]" "Ha!" "Carry on, men." "Gee, kid, you made it!" "All right, come on!" "Let's get on that train!" "What are you waiting on?" "Come on, the army don't wait for you guys!" "Break this up, come on!" "Come on, you fellas!" "You don't mind, do you?" "[Shouting]" "I like this!" "Well, we're all together." "Now, look, fellas, I'm not telling you where we're headed for, but it wouldn't hurt to take along a little bottle of seasick remedy, and it just so happens that I..." "[Train whistle toots]" "Hey!" "[Toot]" "That's it!" "We're on the Shanghai Express!" "And we're on it!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "[Playing march]" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "[Train whistle toots]"