"Okay, here's his diaper bag and his Mr. Winky." "And him." "Hi!" " How did everything go?" " Great!" "There was a projectile throwing up incident, but he started it." "We've gotta go." "Oh, right." "I've got some news." "It's about us." " You and me?" " No." "Susan and me." "The other "us."" "We're getting married." "As in, "I now pronounce you wife and wife" married?" "We'd like you to come." "We understand if you don't want to." "Why wouldn't I want to come?" "I had fun at the first wedding." "I just thought that..." "Why shouldn't I be happy for you?" "What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy?" "And I'm reveling, baby!" "Believe me!" "Is your finger caught in that chair?" "Want us to go?" "The One With the Lesbian Wedding" "This is cool." "You're actually on television." "I know." "It really hit me last night." "I'm gonna be on Days of Our Lives." "Then I started thinking about us, and how these are the days of our lives." " Yes!" " What?" "Carol and Susan's caterer had a bike accident and she's in a full-body cast." "Yes!" "They asked me, which is cool since I've never catered and I need money." "Is this a problem?" " Would it matter?" " You're so great!" "Thank you!" " You're really not going?" " I'm really not." "They already live together." "Why do they need to get married?" "They love each other." "They wanna celebrate that love with the people close to them." "If you wanna call that a reason." "Who's the bitterest man In the living room?" "The bitterest man In the living room?" "Hi, neighbor." " I thought you were over this." " That has nothing to do with it." "If she were marrying a guy, you wouldn't expect me to go." "If she were marrying a guy, she'd be the worst lesbian ever." "Did I miss it?" "No, I'm on right after this guy shoots himself." "She's pretty." "And she's nice." "She taught me about how to work with the cameras and smell-the-fart acting." " I'm sorry, what?" " Excuse me?" "Smell-the-fart acting." "You got so many lines to learn that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next." "So while you're thinking you take this big pause where you look all intense." "Like this..." "Here's my scene!" "Here's my scene!" "Mrs. Wallace?" "Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon." "Is she going to be all right?" "I'm afraid the situation is much more dire than we'd expected." "Your sister's suffering from a subcranial hematoma." "Perhaps we can discuss this further over coffee." "Nice!" "For a minute, I thought you were actually smelling something." " Again!" " All right!" " That was so good!" " Do it again." "Damn it, Braverman!" "It's right there on the chart!" "I gotta get to work." "I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect." " No, no, that's me." " Oh, right." "Oh, thanks." "Couldn't..." " Is everything okay?" " No." "One of my clients died on the massage table today." "Oh, my God!" "That's a little more relaxed than you want them." "She was, you know, 82 years old and her name was Mrs. Adelman." " Oh, honey." " It's just so strange." "She probably woke up today and thought I'll have breakfast, take a walk, then have my massage." "Little did she know God was thinking, "Okay, but that's it."" "Oh, but the weirdest thing was I was cleansing her aura when it happened." "And when her spirit left her body, I don't think it went very far." " What do you mean?" " I think it went into me." "This is so hard." "I can't decide between lamb or duck." "Lambs are scarier." "Or the movie would have been called Silence of the Ducks." "Okay, who ordered what?" "I had the half-drunk cappuccino with the lipstick on the rim." "This with the cigarette butt in it, that's decaf?" "Oh, God." "You're so uptight about your mom coming." "I just don't want her to think that because I didn't marry Barry, my life is crap." "Talk about crap, listen to Stella Neidman tell her story about Rod Steiger for the hundredth time." "I'm sorry." "At least you guys don't have to hear what she says in my head." "Pheebs?" "How long do you think this lady will be with us?" "I don't know." "She obviously has unfinished business." "Sit up!" "There she is!" " Mom!" " Hey, sweetie!" "So this is where you work!" "Oh, it's wonderful!" "Is it a living room?" "Is it a restaurant?" "Who can tell?" "I guess that's the fun." "Pretty much." "Meet my friends." "Monica!" "You look gorgeous!" "Oh, my!" "The last time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten." "This is Joey, this is Phoebe, and this is Chandler." " You remember Ross?" " Oh, hello, Ross." "Mrs. Gree..." "What do you think of my daughter, in the apron with the big job?" "Oh, Mom!" "If you didn't pour the coffee, no one would have anything to drink." "Believe me, sometimes that happens." "This is just so exciting!" "You know, I never worked." "I went from my father's house to a sorority house to my husband's house." "I am just so proud of you!" " Really?" " Yes." "Let's make a day of it." "We'll have lunch, shop, get our nails done." "Whatever you want." "I have to work." "What, no one else can pour coffee?" "I know who it is you remind me of." "Evelyn Durmer." "That's before the lousy face-lift." "Now she looks like Soupy Sales." "Pheebs, who's Evelyn Durmer?" "I don't know." "Who's Soupy Sales?" "Oh, my God!" "There's an unattractive nude man playing the cello." "Just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument." "You have some life here, sweetie!" "I realize you were upset when I didn't marry Barry and get a house in the suburbs with all the security." "This is so much better for me." "I know." "You didn't love Barry, honey." "And I've never seen you this happy." "I look at you and I think, "This is what I want."" "For me." " Well, not just for you." " What do you mean?" "I'm considering leaving your father." "All right, tell me if this is too cute." "Lesbian wedding..." "chicken breasts." "Oh, God." "I think I'm gonna be sick." "What?" "It's not like I'm putting little nipples on them." "Oh, honey, I'm sorry." "Please don't be mad at me." "What can I do?" "You want me to make those marshmallow treats you used to like?" "I can call up Carmela and find out how." "I don't understand." "I thought you were happy." "Yeah, well, so did I." "Know how sometimes you're driving on the highway and you get home and you can't remember having driven there?" "That's what my life's been like." "Well, couldn't you listen to the radio more?" "I wish it were that easy." "Then I see you and I think, "Why can't I have this?"" "I want adventures, I want to hang out, I want a Chandler." "Mom, believe me, Chandler is no reason to leave Daddy." "You think I'm having fun, but it's really hard." "Really hard." "I've got a lousy job, I barely make rent, and forget about buying stuff!" "Oh, honey, you don't understand." "I'd be doing what you're doing, but with money." "It's very different." " You had no idea?" " None." "They didn't fight a lot?" "No, they didn't even talk to each other." "How was I supposed to know they were having problems?" "You know, in my day, divorce was not an option." "Hey, look who's up!" "I just can't believe this is happening!" "When I was little, all parents got divorced." "I figured as an adult, I wouldn't have to worry." "Can't you look at this as flattering?" "She wants to be more like you." "Well, then, couldn't she have just copied my haircut?" "When my parents divorced, I went to a shrink and she told me that kids blame themselves." "But in your case, it's actually kind of true." "Oh, that's him." "Damn!" "My mail-order grandfather hasn't come yet." " Phoebe?" " Hi, Mr. Adelman." " Nice to see you." " Thanks for coming." "That's okay." "Although you did cut into my busy day of sitting." "Do you wanna sit?" "No, I spent most of midmorning trying to stand up." "What can I do for you, dear?" "Okay, I don't know how to say this but I think when your wife's spirit left her body it kind of stuck around in me." "You're saying my wife is in you?" "Yeah." "You don't have to believe me but can you think of any unfinished business she had?" "Any reason to hang around?" "I don't know what to say." "All I can think of is that she said that before she died, she wanted to see everything." " Everything?" " Everything." " That's a lot of stuff." " Oh, wait, I..." "I remember she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time." "I'm sorry." "There's laughing in my head." "Worth a shot, huh?" "Look at this!" " These are Halloween, three years ago." " My little martini." "I love your olive head." "Oh, and look, here's Barry." "Did he come straight from work?" "Oh, no." "That was his costume." "See, he's actually an orthodontist, but he came as a regular dentist." "Yeah, he thought that was really funny." "You guys?" "Remember when I said before I don't need your help?" "Actually, you said, "Don't touch that and get the hell out of my kitchen."" "Really?" "Weird." "Anyway..." "I planned well." "I planned and planned." "I just didn't plan enough time to do it." " You want some help?" " Lf you want." "What a day!" "I took her everywhere." "The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty." "She's still with you?" "Yes." "I guess she hasn't seen everything yet." "Be right back." "She has to go to the bathroom again." "Such a pretty face!" "Oh, this is so much fun!" "Just the girls!" "You know what we should do?" "Does anybody have marijuana?" "God!" "Did my mother just ask if we have pot?" "Look, no one's smoking pot around all this food." "Well, that's fine." "I never did it." "I just thought I might." "So, what's new in sex?" "What's new in sex?" "I've only been with your father." "I'm dicing." "I'm dicing." "I don't hear anything." "This is no offense to your dad, but I was thinking there might be more." "I'm sorry." "I can't have this conversation with you." "All right." "You come here and drop this bomb on me before you tell Daddy." "Do you want my blessing?" "Want me to talk you out of it?" " Then what do you want?" " I guess I figured you'd understand." "Why on earth would I understand this?" "You didn't marry your Barry, honey." "But I married mine." "We're in trouble." "We only have 12 hours and 36 minutes left." "Move, move, move!" "Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles." "Joey, speed it up!" "I'm sorry!" "It's the pigs!" "They're reluctant to get in the blanket!" "How did this happen?" "You had this all planned out." "Do you want me to cry?" "Is that what you want?" "Do you wanna see me cry?" "Sir, no, sir!" "All right, you!" "No." "Look, I told you, I am not a part of this thing." "I know you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you." "But if you don't help, I'll take those hot dogs and create an appetizer called "Pigs In Ross."" "Ball a melon!" "How come I'm stuck dicing when he gets to ball a melon?" " How's it going?" " Great!" "Right on schedule." "Got my little happy helpers." "That's fine." "Whatever." " What's the matter?" " Nothing." "Okay, everything." "I think we're calling off the wedding." "You're still gonna pay me, right?" "Or something a little less selfish." "What's the matter?" "What happened?" " My parents said they weren't coming." " Oh, my God." "I knew they were having trouble with this but they're my parents." "They're supposed to give me away." "Susan and I fought because I said maybe we should call it off." "She said, "This isn't for them." "It's for us."" "And if I couldn't see that, maybe we should call it off." "I don't know what to do." "I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think Susan's right." "You do?" "Do you love her?" "And don't be too emphatic about this." "Of course I do." "Well, then, that's it." "And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them." "If my parents didn't want me to marry you no way that would have stopped me." "Look, this is your wedding." "Do it." "You're right." "Of course you're right." "So we're back on?" "We're back on." "You heard the woman!" "Peel!" "Chop!" "Devil!" "Can't believe I lost two minutes!" "It just seems so futile." "You know?" "All these women, and nothing!" "I feel like Superman without my powers, you know?" "I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly." "Well, now you understand how I feel every single day." "Okay?" "The world is my lesbian wedding." "Butterscotch?" "No one?" "All right, you'll be sorry later." " Thank you." " Anytime." "Ross." "Nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two, come together in love." "Friends, family, we're gathered here to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony." "Oh, my God!" "Now I've seen everything!" "She's gone!" "She's gone!" "She's gone." "Go ahead, get married." "Go, go!" " Would you look at them?" " Yeah." "Can't help but." "How's that pig in a blanket working out for you?" "I wrapped those bad boys." " I miss Rose." " Oh, yeah?" "I know it's kind of weird, but she was a big part of my life." "I don't know, I feel alone." "You know, I couldn't help overhearing what you just said." "I think it's time for you to forget about Rose, move on with your life." " How about we get you a drink?" " Okay." "So nice!" "I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right?" "Hey, Mom, you having fun?" "Am I!" "I just danced with a wonderfully large woman." "And three other girls made eyes at me over at the buffet." "I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue but it's nice to have options." "There's more alcohol, right?" "How you doing?" "Okay." "You did a good thing today." " You wanna dance?" " No, that's fine." "Come on." "I'll let you lead." "Look, penis, schmenis!" "Okay?" "We're all people." "Which one of us will be the first one to get married?" "Mon, I was married." " Yeah, me too, technically." " I had a wedding." "Just trying to start an interesting discussion." "Which one of us do you think will be the last to get married?" " Isn't Ben in this?" " Of course!" "Absolutely." "denanet for torrents.ru"