"The trouble with Evan" "The place is Hamilton, Ontario, but it could be any place." "The boy's name is Evan, but we've all known someone a lot like him." "When he was four, Evan was classified as conduct disordered, a holy terror for his teachers  and his parents." "Dear Karen, just a short note to let you know that Evan did not receive a star today, as we had some difficulties this morning." "Evan portrayed quite an aggressive behavior at our snack table and eventually had to be removed." "I allowed Evan to go outside." "Evan gouged his fingernails into the back of a young boy, leaving a long mark in his skin." "There was no parent... apparent reason for Evans actions." "Evan grabbed a classmate by the neck in a head lock and left fingernail marks embedded in the back of the boys neck." "Evan is a very confused, unhappy boy, who does not appear to be in control of his behavior at this time." "We are hoping that youll be able to set up an interview time next week to discuss Evans behavior." "We are having some difficulty with Evan following directions and interactions with his classmates." "He is eleven, in grade six." "He has above average intelligence, and above average talent for getting into mischief." "Foreshadowings of serious problems." "He shoplifted." "I'd maybe say for three years we've been aware of it" "The latest incident has been Evan has started smoking  and that was brought to our attention by his school." "He was...  suspended the last day of school before Christmas." "He was caught smoking on the...  the playground at school." "So you can get right in there?" "Just the wallpaper we want us to stay away from, you know." "Evans mother, Karen, works as a receptionist." "Evan has a sister, Kimberly, who is seven." "Kimberly is hearing impaired." "You're doing a great job !" "Its about time we got to this, eh?" "The stepfather, Mike, is a welder." "He grew up on a farm, doing a man's work when he was Evan's age." "His father died when he was only fourteen." "Screws." "Yes." "One" "There's one down here." "Should I pick it up ?" "Where?" "No." "Oh, there they are, I think !" "Between them, there is an ominous generation gap, and it's growing wider, because of Mike's frustration with Evan's behavior." "Whats the worst thing that ever happened to you?" "I can't think of it, 'cause I was, like... such a big list of bad things like, I can't remember all of them." "Well, take me down the list a little bit." "I remember once I got caught playing like I.." "I set a little bonfire in the washroom at my old school." "Evan is often in trouble for playing with matches." "Once, on a family holiday, he almost started a forest fire." "Myself and my brother in law happened to turn around, and we see all these flames and smoke and I mean he set off bushes on fire, so we ran over and this one tree was just going pretty good, so we had to go and run and get pails of water to put it out." "When we asked him, he just said: I just wanted to see if it would burn." "Hes to the age when he thinks that he can do whatever he wants." "He doesnt have to listen to rules, he doesnt have to follow instructions, he does what he pleases and he knows there's going to be consequences but it doesn't matter." "In positive parenting we are searching for the reason that things happen." "Eventually Mike and Karin enrolled in a parenting class, run by Barbara Burls, looking for insights to relieve the psychological pressures that were building in their home." "I am sure I dont need to convince you as a group of parents that sometimes in your relationships with your kids you find yourselves reacting with emotions that you just cant imagine where they come from." "Evan soon became the focus of the group." "He's he's smoking." "He's.. he is.." "She yells up to me 'come upstairs'." "I go upstairs." "There's a package of Eddy matches in the heat register." "Hmmm" "That he's hiding." "That he's hiding." "So, like I...." "My anger is now gone." "I can't ..." "I can't" "No, he was a" "You mean, under control, now." "You mean under control." "No, I have..." "When I lose it, I lose it real bad." "For a while." "And when I gain composure, " "Ok." "Now I can sit down and we can talk about this, because I'm not mad anymore." "But !" "Hang on.. wait a second." "Sorry to interrupt you." "But while he is for that hour, like ranting and raving all kinds of things are coming out of his mouth." "There's swearing, there's screaming." "But it's totally.... my daughter cries, I cry, the dog cries.... you know, like every she you know, everybody is just..." "On the edge." "Because..." "And there's so many negative things that are said, because it's just...." "Being said.. its" "And you cant take those back, you know ?" "No." "Because its" "Its probably making the situation worse." "Worse." "Of course it is." "We know that." "But theres no way to control.." "Like most people, Mike and Karin are parents by instinct." "The parenting class reveals that maybe some of the instincts are wrong." "Karen is hopeful." "I don't know." "I feel good about this course." "I'm..." "I'm just so thankful that we're in it." "I'm really..." "In the weeks to come, they will be seeking clues to Evans behavior in dark corners of their own memories." "Well, it cant hurt." "Thats for sure." "This surveillance camera is part of a monitoring system they allowed us to install in their home to witness the struggle." "We'll put this for... 1,5." "For almost three months, our cameras, activated by motion sensors, recorded some of the most intimate moments of a family conflict." "Scenes the family hopes will help explain the trouble with Evan." "Well, I adjusted more or less the ..." "Giving the trigger?" "Yeah." "Deal with compass inter...?" "Right." "Yeah." "That sounded good." "We provided Evan with a camera of his own, to record events from his viewpoint." "The main thing is to be as steady as you can." "Producer Neil Dougherty showed him how to use it, encouraging him to make a video record of his observations." "Seems like you got it." "Shall I switch it off?" "Ok." "I'll do." "You do." "On the remote." "Hey, well done." "He knows how to use it now?" "Yeah." "It's like always." "Things with kids are..." "You're liable to get about ten hours of tape with this, you know... Bring me another tape!" " (laughs)" "On the first day of taping, Evan is in trouble." "I've got some things to tell you." "Kimberly, let daddy sit down, please." "A camera in the den caught this scene." "For the second time in less than a month, Evan has been suspended from school." "Because both parents have jobs, they now have a child care problem, and all because of a senseless practical joke during art class." "Evan tries to explain why he sabotaged a teachers coffee cup." "In the teacher's coffee cup, I put paint." "In art class, while the teacher was over, turned her back or something, she had a cup of coffee there;" "he puts two or three different kinds of paint in her coffee, some clay, hoping that she will drink it." "As a joke." "Im just so upset !" "Oh !" "..." "You like doing this to your parents?" "Then, how many other kids in school go around putting paint in a teacher's coffee cup?" "Ask him !" "Start with the question !" "Ask him the same question you did." "Except dont allow him to say 'The reason was....','cause there's no reason." "What would happen to you if you put paint in my coffee cup?" "There would be a whole lot of shit flying around, wouldn't there?" "Heloooo !" "Give me a quick snapshot of.... of Evan as you know him." "Who is this fellow?" "It's an eleven year old..." "He's an eleven year old boy that..." "Hmm.." "He's pretty smart and can be good when he tries really hard..." "But  most times chooses bad choices." "And does he know why he chooses bad choices?" "No." "He doesnt know why." "One minute being good, and the next one minute..." "There is something done, and I didn't even realize I did it." "I don't even know where it can be taken?" "Just before bedtime, January 27th, Karin discovers that a check belonging to Mike has gone through the wash." "It was obviously in someone's pocket." "But whose?" "I checked your pants." "I just found new fluff from your new jeans." "She checks Mikes trousers and in his pocket.." "...and Evans." "You know what?" "Jesus !" "They conclude, by analyzing lint, that Evan is the culprit." "Someone, I s'ppose, and he's the only one that has got evidence." "Evan, come down here, please." "I told you.." "Did I not say?" "Somebody's taken it and like.. trying to drive me fucking crazy." "What exactly went in your pocket?" "Someone must've put that.." "I did..." "I didn't !" "Ohh..." "I didn't put it there !" "I didn't !" "It was knocking out into the wash, nobody elses jeans had any evidence in it." "Mm.." "I didn't do it, so...." "I don't know what's going on here..." "I don't know whats going on here either." "Like you... you give me an idea of what you think has happened." "Trying to set me up." "I cannot believe that." "Like I cannot be..." "Sit down !" "Because I cannot believe that somebody in this family is trying to set you up." "This family is so distraught !" "..." "We are going through such turmoil that I cannot believe for a minute that somebody would set you up." "...to cause more problems." "Not only that, but this whole family is going to be in an uproar." "Because of the the wrong choice that you made, to be in trouble." "And this goes on, and on, and on." "For several months, the family have been consulting social worker David Jewell, who sees an alarming pattern in Evans behavior." "The prognosis is not good." "I think for Evan, he could start acting out more, as we've already heard it." "Perhaps running away, perhaps getting into alcohol and drugs and misusing that." "Perhaps truancy at school, perhaps more aggression." "I see him either being a teen-ager out on the streets, coping whatever way he can." "Selling drugs, maintaining that way." "Or being caught, dealing drugs, or.. or doing drugs or.. stealing or whatever, and put into a boys' facility." "In their darkest moments, Mike and Karin fear Evan will end up in a place like this." "Ok, guys, gonna get up." "Gonna get up there !" "Lets go, guys !" "Its time to get out of bed !" "An institution for young offenders, this correction center is in Ellora, Ontario." "A project called Portage, where they emphasize rehabilitation." "They're standing on the threshold of the adult system." "Lets go !" "The dead zone of jails and penitentiaries." "So you're telling him 'Don't preach to us when you don't practice.' Right?" "Portage is famous for an innovative therapy program, directed by counselors like Pierre Robert." "Is that the way to teach him?" "So what do you do of them?" "He was a heroin addict for twelve years, until Portage saved him from the street." "Like Pierre Robert, most of these people are here because of failures that started long before they got in trouble with the law." "When they were small children." "So, who's got the teaching?" "We followed a group of Portage residents through a 4 week parenting class." "An instructional course which inevitably brought back deep and disturbing memories of childhood violence, both verbal and physical." "For legal reasons, we must conceal the faces of the young offenders." "I can remember a time when I..." "I took a popsicle after supper without asking, and..." "I was downstairs, in my room, and he came down there and he caught me eating it and... he beat me with a hockey stick, just for taking a popsicle without asking." "It's impossible for me not to love her, 'cause she's my mom." "I'll be honest with you, I'm still scared of her." "You know, you have a pet and you kick your dog, like mother beat me, smacked my rump." "For anything, you know." "I.." "I had to do like just like anything minor." "When I was about 9 years old, I had a callus stress?" "Because my stepfather he had a big fat leather belt." "I had a callus stress and I just stood there and took it." "I..." "like I closed my mind off from everything and I..." "I callused my mind." "Two are over 18, so dont need masks." "Jennifer, a drug abuser, several attempts at suicide." "I was eating my cereals, and I shed cigarettes and I was playing with them, and she put them back on the cereals and I had to eat them." "Brad is older than the others." "His life is chaotic, from alcoholism and drug addiction." "I felt always very small, with them." "And I always felt..." "I was always afraid, fear was a big thing." "A very high percentage of people that were physically abused go on to physically abuse their own families." "About one of the interesting statistics..." "Their teachers Ron Canard found familiar themes in memories of childhood." "The most common - conflict with parents, often stepfathers." "I remember my real father, I wish I hadn't known who he wasn't." "I wish he always stuck around...." "How many stepdads have you had since.... since out of pros?" ", Billy ?" "Six." "Five or six." "In the Portage group there was a consistent sadness, running through recollections of their parents." "Its weird, 'cause love the guy." "I really do." "Stick up for him any day of the week, when somebody is putting him down." "Because he has done a lot for me, he has always a roof over my head, I always food in my stomach, and a warm bed to sleep in." "But the rest of it was never there." "The rest of what?" "Just.... being a family, of.... of love, and care." "It's like he can't.... he couldn't show it, he was not.... man enough." "He was not being a man, if he did that." "And it rubs off...." "I always swore my mother I'll never be like him." "And I turned out even worse." "The stories of the Portage group revealed a clear link between childhood pain and violence later on in life." "I've been drinking since I was.... roughly 11 years old, and do drugs since I was 13, so you're lookin', let's say, on the verge 16-17 years." "I was doing armed robberies." "I was hooked on crack cocaine." "A friend of mine who had been dealing with me was killed." "Basically, like I've been in and out since I was 12." "The longest I've been on the streets is 3 months." "The staff at Portage have grown familiar with the stories and through them, the early signs of trouble." "Executive director Peter Vamos:" "Most of the problems that we see, in adolescence, can in one way or another be traced back to a failure in the system of parenting." "What should a parent look for?" "In their own child, that might indicate that that kid is heading for a place like Ellora?" "When rebelliousness is no longer a seeking for an identity, but rather a destructive and denigrating type of event  the young person is headed for trouble." "When drugs replace other types of pleasures for the young person," "When theft replaces the value of work for money." "When a young person becomes very aggressive on a constant basis the parent has ample warning that something is going wrong." "Why do you push and shove other kids?" "Here are the signs of trouble brewing in Evan's life: bullying." "Does anybody push and shove you around here?" "What are the detentions for?" "For chewing gum and..." "Small rebellions." "I dont know...." "Is there anybody home?" "Here's one ear, and here's another ear." "There is a brain in here." "Is there not?" "He told us: yes, he had taken two bottles of beer and..." "He has started stealing and drinking beer." "And taking money from Kimberly." "She counts on her allowance to buy things." "And here you are, 11 years old, that gets a bigger allowance than her, stealing hers !" "Karen sometimes thinks Evand is angry because he never knew his biological father." "His biological father is not in the picture, and what I think..." "He has always known that, right from the beginning, and he... he would get into some moods, where he would ask a lot of questions and want a lot of answers, and then he would go silent for a while - like years," "then it would come back to our attention." "And I kind of think that that's been playing on his mind a lot." "You know -  why, why, why?" "It is a question that occurs repeatedly among young offenders." "As part of the therapy at Portage, the young offenders are encouraged to raise difficult issues at home, during special visits." "Then, they report back to the group." "So, were going to do a request feed-back." "At this session, there will be feed-back from one such visit, and a traumatic disclosure." "My grand-parents said we'll come and visit you since you're the only one home right now" "Chris recounts a conversation with his grand-parents, in which they explored the possible origins of the behavior that has had him in trouble with the law since he was a child." "And then we got to talking about..." "locating my real dad." "And I found out that... for the last 15 years my dads's lived no more than 45 minutes away from me." "My real dad." "I've never met him." "Never in my life, and everything." "And..." "I started crying and stuff, you know, because I've tried to talk to my parents about this before, they support me in finding him, but they never told me where he lived, you know?" "And me and that hurt me again because I feel that we're leaving some information that... once again, because this is what caused me to sort of rebel against them in the first place." "I found out that the dad who I'd lived with for the last 17 years wasn't really my biological father." "When I found out this that's when I started drinking and going out with my friends all the time and I just let out more and more." "And... they were saying that they really regret this because they felt that none of this would have happened to me if he would've raised me himself, you know" "Sounds like your grand-parents really love you." "They do." "Thats good." "The stories of these young offenders are of childhood pain transformed in later life to violence against others." "According to director Peter Vamos:" "Frustration and feeling of incompetence and impotence are very strong motivators for someone to lash out." "And inability to deal with feelings." "And inability to express feeling, in any other way." "Are all primary roots of violence." "And again, all these things can be traced back to a to a failure in parenting." "January 28th." "Karin tells Mike someone has unplugged the freezer." "How come?" "I dont know..." "Evan becomes an immediate suspect." "Evan ?" "might've unplugged ?" "(Mike to the dog) Get the fuck out away from me !" "What the fuck, you Michael !" "Why don't you just go back out, 'cause I dont need this shit." "Danny !" "..." "You don't need this shit?" "You know how much meat was in that freezer?" "It's not all ruined." "Luckily, only five or six packages caught." "Now one thing now it's a fucking other." "What the fuck are you doing with that watch on ?" "Get the fucking thing off !" "I've had it with you !" "Play your games with somebody else !" "..." "What game are you talking about now?" "I want you to call up Silvio." "And his brother see if he... he unplugged it." "Nobody unplugged it." "It was plugged when we left !" "Dad, I didn't do it. Cause... talking about all kinds of." "Danny !" "..." "You're always after him..." "DANNY !" "..." "I might've pulled it when I was moving stuff." "Mike has just tried to cash the check that went through the wash." "He has not been successful." "And that fucking check's not good." "Like I'm just fucking sick and tired of your games, Evan." "I go running around, all over the city, for fucking shit !" "Because of fucking games, that you play !" "Fucking tired of it !" "Like I'm mad at myself right now, for losing it." "Like God, you go to the bank and then you know, like I've been from one end of the city to the other." "Oh yeah, fine, sir, no problem, we'll accept that check." "Like I'm just fed up." "And that's why you know, just like he's..." "Ooooh, I'd like to lock you up in a cage, and let everybody look at you, like you're an animal." "Who are you, anyway?" "I don't even know you !" "Get away from me." "My name's Michael." "Get away from me, man !" "In Portage, they refer to bad childhood memories as baggage from the past, here represented by two chairs." "What's wrong with you, man?" "I'm just trying to be friendly." "Ok I don't know you from a whole in the ground." "And I don't want to know you." "Brad and Mike act out their belief that such baggage stunts emotional growth." "...has been more developed." "Ok, he says this is my baggage." "And as soon as he's done saying that, we go to the shadow screen and he depicts something that happened in his past life, like maybe a scene with his father, or you know, something else that happened in his childhood that wasn't a very good... that was a bad memory." "Shadow screen now?" "This is Brad's bad memory." "An echo of the harsh reality in Evan's life." "I'm getting sick and fucking tired with your attitude." "If you wanna live underneath my roof, and you wanna have clothes on your back, you go by my God damn rules !" "So, like, when are you going to look... stop and learn to follow our rules, Evan?" "I've had enough to hear with you !" "I'm telling you I'm fed up with this shit." "I'm fed up with this bullshit !" "You play your games, don't expect us to give you sweet fuck all !" "This is my house!" "I pay for everything in this place and I pay for your fucking clothes !" "And if you think I'm talking at the wall, I'm talking to you, pee-bag !" "Lardass !" "Go pack your goddam bags and get out of my face!" "I never wanna see you around here again !" "Your insubordination is gonna get a hook upside the fucking head!" "If you dont like it, the fucking door is there !" "Broken bones heal, bruises go away." "I've got scars from stitches, but it's not that bad." "But it's the stuff inside that hurts the most." "The mental and verbal abuse that he can... just, for myself." "Just three times harder." "To... accept, or to deal with." "Than the physical ever was." "I tell you, Evan You'd've been me, you'd be dead !" "Cause my father would've killed you!" "What does it mean to a kid when some adult shouts I hate you !" "I wanna kill you !" "I mean, does the kid sort of accommodate that in the spirit of the moment and say that's just  heat?" "Or does it stick?" "We think that kids forget." "The next morning, they're up and smiling?" "They don't forget." "And they may remember when they go to bed." "Excuse me, to bed." "They may remember it when they're talking to a little buddy." "But they remember." "And it hurts." "It really hurts." "'Cause that crops up at kids that are a lot older than Evan that we've talked to at Portage and.... and it just seems to float back to the surface in maturity." "I think it really saps their confidence, you know?" "Their development sapped, emotionally, socially." "I think it affects some, and as they mature, I think that, you know in some ways, there are blocks to maturing properly." "And it affects their relationships in the future." "In any home, the child's future can be compromised by the parents' past." "In Evans family, superficial images of harmony conceal a troubling history." "Old baggage, that reappeared while they were packing for a move in early February." "The discussion is about dishes." "Thats mine." "Did anybody ?" "..." "look at all of your crappy stuff." "What do you talk about crappy?" "Those broad dishes, the whole fucking set is there!" "I bought those at IGA, piece by piece." "Mike and Karin married in 1988, but the marriage subsequently collapsed in divorce, creating wounds which still are not healed." "Let me finish my sentence right off the bat !" "You weren't even able to stand here?" "... having a fucking fight !" "That.. those were .our house" "'Cause we aren't married... nor goin' to be married." "..enough." "And Karins own memory is full of bleakness of her parents break-up, alienation from her mother, a failed attempt to live with her father, and eventually a stormy relationship with Mike." "We dated for seven years, before we got married." "And then we got married, and everything fell apart." "Until the last four years, you know, everything has been pure hell." "And now that we've divorced, we're doing along great." "So even... even as the children were very young..." "Michael drank a lot." "Michael did a lot of things, you know, and I'm sure I did too... that just..." "I don't know... didn't make for a happy family setting." "Physical abuse entered our lives, a lot of verbal abuse entered our lives...." "A lot of pretending that things were right, when they weren't, you know." "For the people that were looking our way." "There wasn't like a daily thing, where he would slap me, or push me... nothing like that;" "but when he got mad, when he got to the point where he couldn't... keep it anymore; then, yeah, we were all frightful and so like we shouldn't've been." "Just fucking fed up with his shit." "I'm gonna kill him soon." "You're fucking living on borrowed time, bud, I'm telling you !" "Mike has spent time in jail, for assaulting Karin." "Youre better fuckin' dummy yap it, soon?" "While on probation, in 1990, he threatened me;" "like, while the probation was still intact, he took a knife and held it to my throat, and threatened to slit my throat for not talking to him." "Karin eventually took the children and fled." "After resettling, she left Kimberly and Evan with her sister, and took a holiday in Mexico." "While she was away, Mike went to court and accused her of desertion." "The court handed the children over to him." "He got the entry order for custody, and when I came home and found that out, I just..." "I say that I had a mental breakdown.  I never saw a doctor, I..." "I quit my job, I disowned my family, I... nothing mattered, and I just bought the next flight back down to Mexico." "She stayed there for six months, while Mike attempted to be both father and mother to Kimberly and Evan." "Karin eventually returned, and tried to reestablish a relationship with her children." "Then, I just..." "I got tired, I couldn't do it no more." "And..." "I drove my van into the Jordan Harbor bridge on the QEW." "Wanted to die." "I didn't..." "You tried to kill yourself." "Yeah." "I just..." "I couldn't face it anymore." "I hadn't my family to support me." "He had them." "Last fall, full of grief and guilt, Karin finally broke down completely." "I was in the psychiatric hospital this past September for a month." "Because I just didn't wanna live." "I slit my wrists, I... you know, did things to me." "Because I wanted to be back with my kids so much and..." "I couldn't be with them, having to be with Michael." "And, at that time, with what had happened, I didn't want to be with him." "In the end, she decided her only option was to live with Mike." "And, to her surprise, life suddenly took a turn for the better." "I knew Michael would take me back, so I came into the relationship solely for... not for the marriage;" "solely for the purpose of being with the children at least a little." "And it has just miraculously worked out to the point where it's as good as it was and even better than it was prior to our marriage." "There would be one snag in the newfound bliss:" "as her relationship with Mike improved, relations with Evan seemed to be going downhill." "And Mike would miss no opportunity to remind Evan of the fact that he had legal custody of both children." "Well they already decided that you live with me." "He he..." "How do you like them fucking apples, now ?" "... fucking sour grapes." "You're playing fucking games, Evan." "They don't win big." "Haven't you noticed that mommy and daddy are trying to get along?" "And be very nice?" "And be very friendly?" "And if you're trying to break us up so that you can live with mommy, you're a loser !" "Me and mommy happen to love each other." "It's not working very good in the last couple of days, because of you and all of the bullshit that's going on" "You know, I wish you weren't talking to him like this, Mike, because you're talking only because you're pissed!" "I'm not pissed !" "I'm mad !" "You're pissed off !" "Im pissed off with the bullshit that goes on behind my back..." "Convinced that Evan was stealing money from their bedroom, Mike installed a lock on the door, but not without some difficulty, which he blamed on Evan." "See?" "You know something?" "You didn't do a goddam thing, but I'm just furious with you." "I am just absolutely disgusted with you." "Because I can't get that lock to work." "I have to do a major alteration to lock that door." "And it's no reason for me to do that, if you wanna fucking thieve." "Did he help you with the dishes tonight?" "Yes he did." "Well, why don't these two dishes...?" "I have..." "He did the table, and loaded the dishwasher." "It's all the things..." "I'm doing those." "And I've been playing with Kimberly, instead of doing them..." "Hi kids, Im home !" "Hi daddy, how are you, daddy?" "Nothing." "What's the mess over here?" "What are you guys doing?" "You didn't clean yourself?" "It's ok, they help me for supper," "I don't care it's for supper, look at the mess in the house !" "You drank again tonight, didnt you?" "No, I didn't drink tonight !" "Daddy, daddy, why did you do..?" "!" "(slap)" "Oh, daddy !" "We talked a lot about this, over and over again," "Dad, what are you doing, dad?" "These kids !" "I'm getting sick and tired of these kids !" "They never do what they're supposed to do !" "Maybe if you stopped drinking, you'd be there for them more often !" "Now, you guys, the parents are quiet." "Joe, tell your feelings about your parents always fighting." "I hate it." "I wish my dad would drink no more." "I love him so much but he's so bad when he drinks." "Father, do you think you can change?" "No." "I dont think I can change." "How do you feel, wife?" "Do you feel hurt?" "Yeah" "What does it remind you of?" "Who does it remind me of?" "(tears in voice)" "What does all this remind you of?" "My fucking family, thats it." "Are you crying right now, Jennifer?" "No, I'm not !" "Liar !" "You're shaking right now." "Why?" "Because it just brings back bad memories." "You know, for those bad memories, you're gonna have to talk about them." "You can't close the door on them, until you deal with them." "Silently, she begs to be left alone. I'm closed, she says." "Jennifer fights to suppress her memory, and the anger that would surface with it." "I'm so scared of the intensity my emotions can get, with all the anger, and hatred, and pain that I've suppressed for so many years, that I feel if I'd blow up I'd lose it." "You know?" "The my biggest fear is that if I ever leave all those feelings I'll go insane that... that's my biggest fear." "It's like I'll lose all my control and so, I'm not the person to scream, you know, my hurt and" "I'm way too scared; even cry scares me." "So I build it and I ..." "I'm just keeping it inside." "Are you angry?" "Yeah." "Show us your anger." "No." "Ok." "Why is it so hard for some eleven-year olds to talk?" "about themselves?" "I don't know, its not like?" "It's not everyone that's around my age has a hard time with that kind of thing." "It's just that..." "I don't know, I don't like talking about my feelings, and how I feel." "Why not, Evan?" "Im not sure." "Do you think that the way you feel has anything to do with the way you behave?" "Sometimes." "Are you taking the same train, are you?" "Or..." "Yeah." "Im going to Happyville." "Oh." "is that where you're going?" "That's where I'd like to go." "Yeah?" "That baggage, does it bother you?" "It's... it's heavy." "What's in that baggage?" "Nothing very... nothing nice." "Well, you know what?" "You've just met a magician." "And I have a magic mirror here." "And if you open up the baggage, without us even talking, we get to both look at what's in that baggage." "You feel like doing it?" "(Jennifer nods silently)" "Jennifer, how can you take care of your kids, if you cannot even learn to take care of yourself?" "How can you be a role-model, a real mother, if you don't even know how to take care of yourself?" "And doesn't it scare you, Jennifer, that maybe in the future, when you do have your own children, that you may act the same way as your parents acted on you?" "They have discovered Jennifer's private dread." "Then why don't you tell us about it, why don't you talk to us, and let us know how you feel..." "I'm scared to repeat the same things." "It's one of my biggest fears, because I used to baby-sit some kids when I was 13 years old, then while playing I'd loose it on them and I beat them up." "Like my mother used to do to me." "And so I know I ask myself if I'd be able to be a mother." "To have a kid, you know?" "When the memory comes to consciousness, the feelings that are evoked are very powerful." "People can find themselves weeping, they can find themselves angry, they can find themselves feeling depressed." "It's a central topic in Mike and Karin's parenting class." "The teacher explains that the baggage of a miserable childhood will inevitably be handed on." "The mother who has a little child over and over and over again was in a position that she was made..." "You know, sort of... somebody bigger, stronger, would teach her respect." "What she does, is she carries with her into her adult years a kind of a promise she makes to herself that she says" "When I grow up, nobodys ever going to treat me like that again." "So this sort of fury, and this sort of intensity comes out where she has to put her kids in their place." "She has to teach them respect." "So how do you stop that from happening?" "When in you start it off by saying..." "like we discussed last week." "Evan, for instance." "He feels what he's not allowed." "He's been punished for wanting to have fun or this or that, because Michael wasn't allowed to." "How does he stop that happening to his child?" "I mean where does this stop?" "That's exactly right." "It does get passed on and on and on." "Inevitably, Mike will have to confront the painful memory of his dead father, to understand his angry relationship with Evan." "My dad and I weren't close, but I was his pet." "I resented the fact that I had to work all the time." "You know, like Dad, can I go play cow-boys?" " No." "'We gotta chain the plough." "The arrows over to the plow.' I'm gonna plow that other section." "Ok." "And when my dad was doing work, it's not that he couldn't do it himself, if he was home on a Saturday." "It's that he wanted me there." "You learn how to do this, so you know how to do this." "Ok." "Im here." "How do you relate to, like, Evan's..." "I don't." "I don't." "To me, Evan's spoiled." "But that's the way the kids are today." "Like, he gets whatever he wants, usually." "Like sometimes I can't afford it right away, but he will eventually get what he asks for." "The latest is one of them starter jackets, 150 $, you know." "Running shoes Air Jordans, at 100 bucks" "You know, you speak to these parents, they say 'we gave them everything'." "A nanny, the most beautiful clothes..." "In most cases, you know, the only thing they didn't have, these kids, is a little bit of themselves." "That's all that the kids wanted." "Mom, dad, a little piece, just a little bit." "That's what the parents couldn't give." "That's what they need." "Thats what parenting is about." "Taking a little bit of yourself." "Putting yourself on the line a little bit, and saying here: here is a little piece of me." "Dad, can we watch the superball?" "Come on, let's watch the superball ." "January 30th." "Evan, who plays little league football, wonders if he can watch the superball with Mike." "Why?" "Cause if only ?" "will watch it with you." "I'm gonna be in a hotel." "You can't go over." "Mike tells him he plans to watch the game in a bar." "He cant go with you?" "I'll be going with Driscoll" "The moment passes, and with it an opportunity to reduce the resentment, that Evan no longer tries to conceal." "This is my dad." "He sleeps most of his life." "My dad's like an old fart." "He's not like.." "He..." "He can't..." "like if I had a dad that was, say, 29, like my mom, he'd be a lot more active." "We could like play football and everything, but my dads just sitting in the house, cause he's so worn out." "He doesn't have energy to do anything." "Ok." "Say your dad was older than the forties or whatever." "What would you want him to be doing?" "Like I said, sitting around the house, and like he's always doing work on the house." "It's like he cares more about the house than he does about me." "Like, I love him." "I like to spend time with him." "The only thing I have a hard time doing is spending time with him, if he messes up." "Like I'm angry inside, and like I don't..." "I just say 'No, Evan, I cant'." "I'm angry with you, and I can't." "In contrast to the animosity Mike feels towards Evan, he shows an extraordinary gentleness with Kimberly." "Girls are treated differently than boys, when Michael's involved." "Better?" "Much better." "Little boys are supposed to be men." "They don't hug, they don't cry, they don't show affection." "But little girls, he cuddles, he goo and gaa, and..." "You know..." "He'd brush their hair." "A hundred times each night." "And he'd tickle them, and play silly little things with them." "But boys, he don't, because boys are supposed to be, you know, the bearer of all roughness, and I mean, I don't understand." "I don't agree with it, I don't understand it, so I don't expect... a child to understand it." "Like I tell him I love him..." "But I cannot hug." "Or, I can hug, like per se hug, but kiss him good night.." "He's at the age where men don't kiss." "I'm that way." "I was brought up that way." "I remember when I was eight years old, well I guess it's stuck with me." "My dad I went to give my dad a good-night kiss and a hug, and he has just pushed me away." "How old were you?" "Eight." "He said to me..." "He said 'You're a man'. He says 'You can drive a tractor, you can do anything any 15 year old can do', he says, 'on the farm'." "He says 'you don't need to be hugging and kissing men." "Give me your hand." "Shake like a man." "Good night, son.'" "That bothered me for a while, after he died, that... you know, the closeness, the loving wasn't there." "You know, like the hugging, you know, and... 'You're a man now." "You don't need to be huggin' and kissin' your dad.'" "How well-loved have you been in your life, Mike?" "Hard to say." "I know my dad loved me." "How do you know it?" "To show it?" "To physically show it - he wasn't that kind of man." "So how do you know it?" "I know. Cause my aunt told me." "When he was dying in the hospital, he crawled to the chapel." "And laid on the altar, and said 'I need six more years." "So as the boy will know where to go.'" "'Please, six more years." "Thats all I ask." "I love that boy, and he's gotta look after the family.'" "February 21st." "Evan, as usual, is the first one home." "Evan likes to cook, and this evening decides to make a special supper for the family." "He is meticulous about the details." "Getting the napkins just right." "A surprise for parents, who increasingly have come to expect the worst from him." "Mom, you're home too." "Yes !" "Where's ...?" "Its on the superbass?" "?" "Look at this." "I ?" "(Mike:" "laughter)" "Mom, you dont think ?" "Look at this." "I've got bread and flavoured cheeses" "Wow!" "I'm amazed !" "this is very..." "I'm impressed." "Very good." "I made white sauce." "Wow." "It has milk and flour, you mix them together, and then put some garlic and chickens and ?" "and of course you microwave." "(laughs)" "How much of Evans problem, you think, originates in the problems that you and Karin had?" "And you had your share." "We had lots." "A... probably a great deal." "It was great before we got married." "But the minute we said 'I do', everything went blooey." "Plus the fact that his real father has never seen him." "Plus the fact that Karin left and went to Mexico and left him and Kimberly here with me and quit fighting for custody and... what not" "Probably must have felt like nobody really really loves me." "When I look back on everything, it's... it's no wonder we're struggling with Evan." "Because, first of all, he was left by..." "In his eyes, he was left by his father." "His father didn't want him, then mommy leaves, and now I'm stuck with this man that's not my father that, you know... maybe caused my mommy to leave, or he's really aggressive with me, he.. he's nice to Kimberly, he really doesn't pay much attention to me but he's all I've got and... now my mommy's back and she drove the van into the bridge... cause Michael told the kids" "If I was in Evan's shoes, and watched everything that progressed, from that day, to today, I might be the same way he is." "February 22nd, the day after Evan cooked supper." "Oh, one thing I forget to tell you..." "He didnt come home from school." "The dispatch was... when I got home and... he was at... here I'll check..." "Karin called the police, fearing he'd finally run away from home." "I asked if there's a little boy there, he's hurting people, he's stealing my money." "We had to lock all the rooms, here.." "Excuse me, is it quite possible that he's afraid to come home, today?" "I thought..." "I.." "I... that's what I thought, because..." "They learned that Evan has again stolen cigarettes from Mike, and been caught smoking." "So, how do we handle this situation ?" "How the fuck do I know how to handle it?" "You know my first impression?" "Tell him you wanna leave - fine." "Here's the fucking door." "A policeman just brought you home ?" "You need some more clothes ?" "While they wait for the police to bring him home, Mike considers how to handle the situation." "What's the right way to handle this one ?" "Show him ?" "positive." "He resolves to put to work some of the theories from parenting class." "Karin struggles to get her emotions under control, but eventually fails." "Karin?" "What ?" "You got everything under control here, for a minute?" "Why?" "I think this whole thing stands, for him, trying to be cool at school." "So What's the answer?" "I don't know the answers." "I wish I knew the answers." "Like I know he's very angry with me for being such a strict father." "And not sharing a lot of time with him, and..." "Pfff. (Mike sighs)" "(Karin sighs)" "I would like you to... take your boots off, take your coat off, go upstairs just for an hour, till we finish talking with this officer, and then we will speak to you, allright?" "So tell me about running away, and why you did it." "Monday morning I stole a pack of cigarettes out of my dads closet and I took it to school, I got caught with it, so I was afraid if I came home, like my parents found out about it, 'cause the principal called." "And I was afraid if I go home I'm getting into big trouble, so I just didn't go home." "What happens when you get into big trouble like that?" "I get locked into my bedroom, I lose my allowance, so... things like that, like... sometimes my dad yells at me a lot, and puts me in my bed, sometimes I'm there way over supper after I come home I have peanut butter or jam sandwiches or something." "Well, I guess it's time to talk about champ..." "Evan !" "Do dont, forget it, I ...?" "tell him ?" "I do." "Thanks." "You can get down there, buddy." "Like..." "Ok." "Evan had been out delivering newspapers with his girlfriend." "This would be a test for Mike's new parenting philosophy." "Have a seat." "So what's all this about?" "Why did this happen today?" "?" "(Evan mumbles)." "First of all, why did you take that cigarettes?" "Did we not have... did daddy... not say... and I want you...not to tune me out." "Ok?" "You and I made a deal." "Sunday that we were starting brand new." "It was the beginning of a new week, and everything in the past was dead." "There was no bad Evan anymore." "Monday you made such a beautiful supper." "It was like mommy and daddy were walking into a really nice, expensive restaurant." "For the entire showdown, Mike managed to sustain a consistently gentle tone." "It was beautiful !" "..." "I don't know what you think." "You don't talk to daddy." "Daddy loves you very much very, very much." "I'm trying my best, buddy." "But I think you should try as well." "I see a real difference in Michael." "A real positive difference in Michael." "I just..." "I am curious for how long its gonna last, because this is totally out of the ordinary for Michael." "If it's my behavior that's making him sad, then I have to change my behavior." "Because I wanna be a good parent for him." "Late in February, the Portage parenting class had visitors." "Parents." "People who could talk first hand about the pain and frustration of living with an impossible child who seemed to be heading down the road to disaster." "People who wanted to see what their son might look like a few years from now." "And hear how they might prevent it." "So, this is a classroom in here." "These are all classrooms up here." "We'll sit at the... in here." "We told Mike and Karin about the Portage program." "They decided to go and meet some of the teen-agers there, knowing that next year, when he turns twelve, Evan will fall under the jurisdiction of the Young Offenders Act." "And my objective in coming here is to stop him from coming here." "To get maybe your point of views on how you viewed your parents. Cause he won't talk to us." "Are you OK with it?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I just had a question.... amm..." "In what kind of ways are you like, dealing with this behavior?" "In the past, he has been spanked; there was a lot of verbal abuse in the past... real quick to like jump on him and..." "It got to the point where..." "He was on his bed for like a month with nothing in his room, and it just got totally carried away, to the point where this child had no feelings, he did not care what we did." "?" "here, grounded. ?" "You know why Im grounded?" "I'm grounded because I got suspended, so ?" "I got suspended because..." "He's not allowed to use the television, the Nintendo, the Gameboy... you know, just 'theres your bag." "You wanna do something, to occupy your time, heres a book.'" "Ryan remembers when he was Evans age, getting in the same kind of trouble, getting the same kind of punishment." "The consequence was I had to stay in my room for a week." "No TV, no video, all I had was a book, for a week, you know." "It screws you up. it..." "Its like being in a cell, you know." "But you're without the bars." "A cell has a psychological effect on you." "(Evan mumbles)" "I felt down." "I felt caged." "I felt really rejected." "All alone." "I felt terrible." "You know, like I felt nobody cared for me, it didnt matter whether I lived or died." "But I had to rebel." "Rebellion occurs in many ways, but rebellion can cost money." "And a quick way to get money is by theft." "Evan is a habitual stealer and lier, to the point where if anything is missing in the house now, he is..." "Automatically suspected." "Automatically." "We have locks on our bedroom doors, because he steals from us, and my key went missing." "To the lock, and I thought, you know, he had had it." "So I..." "I we had this jar that we just throw loose change into, and he has stolen many times from that." "So this time I counted it and marked it all on a piece of paper, and when I got home, it was almost like I knew I was gonna catch him." "It was I didnt want to be at thrill, but I ran right upstairs, into the room, counted it, and it was short." "Like I knew it was gonna be." "Just, you know, in my head I knew it was gonna be." "So I came down, and I said, you know" "I'm a dime short." "Your dime, to the good." "I'm missing my key, to my room, I'm missing the dime..." "You explain it to me, so I understand." "Make me understand, Evan!" "Its so easy, lately to be negative with him." "I want my key, to start with." "So I don't care where you have to go to get it." "I want my key." "(mumbles) I dont have it." "If I had..." "I dont have it." "You do have it." "No I dont." "Yeah, you do." "No I dont." "Evan, dont get me mad." "You will spend the next fucking seven months on that fucking bench." "You will..." "YOU have my other key." "And I would like it." "(mumbles) I dont have it." "You have a choice." "You know you have the key... (yelling) Give the key now, Evan !" "Because I already told daddy, I feel like I'm gonna fuckin' close my fist and I'm gonna drip to you." "And its gonna hurt." "Both of us." "Lots." "In so many areas he's falling down, and it's so easy to be like... to be on him." "Can I take over ?" "NO, no, I'm not gonna ?" "for you." "Ohohoo, I'm gonna fucking kill him." "I can see it coming." "If he keeps up like this." "Im telling you something." "You'd better start telling the truth, right now" "(yells) Right now !" "RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW !" "Because" "We already know that you're lying, so you fucking tell me the truth NOW !" "We know exactly everything you did today." "At your school." "Everything." "Go take a look in the mirror." "You look guilty like sin." "Go look in the mirror, and then come back here." "You're gonna try..." "I'm not gonna hit him." "The harangue over the dime went on for an hour and a half." "Whats the matter?" "That's not how you normally look." "Well, lately it is, but thats not a normal look, for a child, is it?" "You got great big letters written all over your face, that's stamped "guilty"." "Thats bewildering." "You want to trust him, you want to believe in him." "we just... its like a vicious circle now." "Go get the key now !" "I dont have it." "GO GET THE KEY NOW !" "I dont have it." "I told you." "It got crazy." "To the point where I went up and checked the money again, and I had miscounted." "Here I sat and accused him, because of the practice." "Like he lies all the time." "And I was wrong." "So I called him down, and..." "Climb on this chair." "I have something to tell you." "I am truly, deeply, sorry." "(Evan mumbles or makes a gesture)" "Hey, I'm being sincere here." "I made a mistake, and I'd like to ask you forgiveness." "Ok, that ?" "Give me a hug." "GET.. get up here !" "Come here." "Mommy recounted the money in the PD jar." "Aham." "And theres no money missing." "I knew it." "I gave him a hug and... he had tears in his eyes and I had tears in my eyes and..." "That happens." "It doesnt happen a lot, I... hes accused when when... he hasn't done something but it's detrimental like he you know, must feel so low." "I'm walking down the street today." "And what drops from the sky?" "My key to the bedroom." "It dropped from the sky?" "Probably ?" "closer to me or not ?" "but I have no idea where it dropped from." "(laughter) ?" "dropped, did it?" "..." "It dropped on the ground. ?" "ground ?" "and my keys have been...?" "It sounds a lot like when I was 11-12, I saw blame for a lot of stuff." "And I remember one time when..." "I think I said the story before." "When my moms camera got broke and... and I didn't do it, and she grilled me for like three days on it, you know?" "Like you broke the camera, you broke the camera, and I never broke it" "But it was like... you know, so many things have been broken in the house, and I was responsible for it, and there was just no convincing her that I didn't break it." "But why were you breaking stuff, and why were you a problem ?" "Because I wanted the attention, I wanted people..." "I wanted my mom to notice me, and you know, be there and you know, I always had to have her very focused on me," "I wanted to be the center of her attention." "A lot of jealousy with my sister you know, like she's spent a lot of time with my sister and..." "If you did anything that was good, like if you helped in doing chores, did she get to recognize that?" "Oh, for sure, but its so much easier to be negative when you get... you know?" "You get the same attention, you know?" "I never did good in school, I was always in fights, and stuff like that, but I can remember one time when I brought home a an "Excellent", and it was you know, wow, and..." "But it was really hard, I really worked for it, you know what I mean?" "And I was like It lasted just as long as when I was bad, you know what I mean?" "When we all go shopping, dad and mum do their own things and say" "'You guys stay here, or you guys go over there and look at that." "Just don't bug us.'" "So we go out, just like we're still not getting any attention." "What kind of attention do you want?" "Positive attention?" "What does that mean?" "Get attention like my mom and dad loving me, being my friend." "And why whats your opinion on negative attention?" "I'd rather have positive attention than negative attention." "And what about not having any attention?" "I dont like that." "So if you have a choice between negative attention and no attention at all what choice do you make?" "Choosing negative attention." "Thats better than nothing." "Has any of you stolen, shoplifted from stores?" "Its not because you wanted, it it?" "Your friends are there, and you know, to impress just to be accepted, to impress people." "Me" "That's all it is." "I used to steal from my mother, and I used to steal from the kids at school." "Their money from the box lunches." "But then with them I used to buy candies, and give to those kids." "that I stole from." "So that I can get kid... so that I can get friends" "To get attention, to get whatever I was looking for at that age." "Thats how I feel like he steals a lot, but I dont think it's for that item, I think it's has a lot you know it goes deeper than that." "It's not that candy that he wants, or the magic markers or whatever." "Heres the attention Evan got for stealing markers." "What if they had called the police?" "(mumbles)" "What pants ?" "(mumbles)" "(Karin yells; indistinguishable) your pants?" "That you just about twenty minutes told me that you did steal?" "How can it be changed?" "A positive model, like a father figure, you know?" "The only type of male role-model I had was my stepfather's hand..." "You know, usually that was pretty close to my face." "I always wanted somebody to go and... and take me out." "Get a drink, go for a drive, watch a football game." "Yea, cause I dont spend enough time with my son, I know I dont." "It's hard for me and through the parenting class I've seen the error in my ways..." "This is how it happened for years." "He has had... this neglect." "Yea." "On their visit to Portage, Mike and Karin heard chilling stories of how the tensions so familiar in their home can explode without warning in violence." "I was doing time." "I was sweeping the walkway and the driveway." "I wasn't doing it the way my stepfather had wanted me to do it, and... he got the broom from me and he hit me in the back." "And I dropped down on my knees." "And he goes "Get up." "I'm gonna show you discipline"" "I was crying, you know, because he was hitting me." "I go "I can't";" "I couldn't move my legs, and he goes "get up, get up !" and he kept on hitting me, hitting me." "Just kept on whamming at me." "My mom came over, stopped him." "And afterwards she said "You know, it's your own fault." "You shouldn't have pissed him off"." "...kids your age by the laziest, inconsiderate, thoughtless fucking people I've ever met in my fucking life." "And don't fuckin' laugh at me." "Stop..." "Do you want another one?" "Stop it !" "I can't help it !" "Yes you can !" "And why do you laugh?" "What's entertainable?" "I'm right off ?" "to see him hit you again !" "Did you have thoughts of... of killing this person that was abusing you so much?" "Every night I used to lay in bed and I used to think of going upstairs, and getting one of two knives over the... kitchen knife-rack, because I sharpened every one of them before I went to bed every night." "I used to lie in bed, and then think about getting one of the knives and.... going back upstairs and going in his room, slitting his throat, or putting it in his heart." "The reason I asked you about this is because we have a set of very very sharp butcher knives, like...cutting knives, that..." "And... within this last month it came out that he..." "laying in bed one night, thinking about getting this knife and... and killing his father." "And..." "He said that to you?" "He said that to our social worker." "Dave Jewell." "You know, I sat there thinking: "wow !" you know ?" "..." "The feelings, the anger..." "It would not be Karin's last insight into Evan's anger." "When daddy smacks you like that, what do you feel ?" "...it didn't really hurt." "?" "but I wanna hear your feelings about him smacking you ?" "Evan says he feels nothing." "But then he has a baseball bat for protection, just in case." "You ever think ?" "getting more than that, or... ?" "or ?" "you or something?" "That's why I have a baseball bat upstairs." "Where from?" "?" "nowhere." "It's a small one." "Ahaa..." "Like I can ?" "behind my back... "Phew !"" "Do you think that's gonna stop him, a minute ?" "No, I mean, he like ?" "go down for a second, ?" "get out of here." "In all, I'm glad I came, it... opened my eyes to a lot of things." "I'm glad you shared... your experiences with us and...it really enlightened..." "I got...an insight on maybe how my son feels." "I feel like I'm...we had a...it was brought right this close to us." "We're coming away from it knowing that it's not just his problem, it's... something that we have to work on, to turn it around." "And..." "Michael?" "Hugs are very important." "And everybody likes to be hugged." "No matter what age you are." "And...it feels good." "And it feels good." "It feels that... you feel cared, you know?" "I'm sure your son would like a hug." "And to tell them that you love them." "Even if it's... fifty times a day, you know?" "(Mike smiles, nods)" "(laughter)" "You're a sweethart !" "..." "So how was your day, bud?" "Good." "That's good." "After the visit to Portage, Karin and Mike seemed to see Evan in a new light." "?" "to McDonalds probably ?" "MacDonalds?" "Karin gave him money, for a treat at McDonalds." "Here's two dollars." "I'll go to the ?" "Evan seemed to work harder at being good." "?" "Mike became generous in praising the improvements." "...?" "really proud of you." "Thank you very much for listening to ?" "And he aaa..." "Had a good date at... during lunchtime today, too." "That's really good that Evan had a good date." "I see a family with some strengths." "And... with every family, I try to look for the strengths, and for the areas that I can... you know, develop with, and their competence areas and... and... they do have strengths...." "I mean, we have a dad who... admits to... you know, be immensely cruel." "Admits to getting out of hand, and of having tensions with his son and lecturing him." "Aa... and recognizes that that approach isn't working." "His son doesn't hear him." "Tunes him right out." "But I have a father who's willing to come back." "Appointment after appointment, and try, even when I'm confronting him about tough issues." "When a lot of dads would turn away and not come back." "Well today is March the 6th." "On March 6th, Karin was hopeful things had finally turned around." "Things this past week, and I mean the whole week have gone fantastically well." "It was perhaps an omen, that the surveillance camera malfunctioned, as she began her hopeful report." "He's joking around with the family more, acting a lot more like a child." "I hope that it continues." "I pray that it continues." "There is no quick or easy recovery from an abused childhood." "This has been Brad's 3rd attempt at breaking his dependency on drugs and alcohol." "And it's failing." "If you want to fucking leave this class, why don't you just say so?" "I'm leaving this class." "Ok?" "Satisfied ?" "There." "Because Brad is at Portage voluntarily, for treatment, he is free to leave." "See you on the street..." "Ooh... big guy !" "Brad, if you leave here with your bags today, and you wait for the bus to wherever you're going, how are you gonna feel?" "I don't know, I'm not there yet." "Are you a happy person?" "No, I'm miserable." "Four months ago you used, because you were miserable." "What's gonna stop you from using this time?" "There's 4 months ago, Brad." "Aham." "Didn't you want to live here happy?" "But I didn't think I was going to live here happy." "You never thought that going through a therapy and finding out about yourself would give you relief !" "?" "I wanna know what you thought you'd get out of this thing." "Some help." "Some... way of changing." "Some understanding." "Right." "And once you get that, what's that make to a human being usually ?" "Makes him feel comfortable." "Right." "Do you feel that way?" "No." "You're running away." "What's the matter?" "What's the matter?" "?" "get my ticket and go." "You're running." "I know." "By March 18th, both Evan and Mike are back at square one." "Over smoking." "Get it in here." "NOW !" "Smoke it !" "NOW !" "I can't." "Get it in here !" "Lardass !" "Smoke it!" "(mumbles)" "Why?" "I can't." "Why, you like to smoke, you like to steal cigarettes..." "Smoke it !" "NOW !" "Or you're grounded for two weeks." "Ok, I'm grounded, but..." "What's the matter, can't you have a cigar?" "Would you prefer smoking a cigarette?" "(mumbled)" "Go ahead !" "Here !" "Have !" "Smoke this." "All the deck in front of me." "Guan." "Brand new." "Not one out of it." "You like to steal'em and smoke them?" "Go ahead !" "here, they're free !" "The scene lasted twenty minutes." "(blows smoke in Evan's face) What's the matter?" "Smoke bothering you?" "Mom, you're missing all the fun." "(blows smoke in Evan's face) What's the matter?" "Show me." "C'mon!" "C'mon, have a drag here." "Why won't you smoke it?" "Why don't give him a cigarette?" "Why would you ...?" "Why, sure, have a cigarette." "Here." "Have the whole fucking pack, once he... took up here, I give you permissin to smoke in my house." "how's that?" "Here, here, stuck that in your puss.I'll even give you a light !" "C'mon here, mister cool... c'mon !" "Looking at the tapes, you see... a couple that have a lot of problems between them, but instead of... taking them out on each other, they take them on the next best thing, Evan." "Well, I think the two of them are so overwhelmed personally, they have a hard time taking care of themselves, let alone each other, let alone Evan." "And Kimberly." "What is it that overwhelms them?" "Their future together." "Where are we going?" "What's gonna happen to our son?" "How about Kimberly?" "Quiet, no problems with her." "What's happening with her, you know?" "So there's so much going in their lives..." "And is counseling worth it?" "Are we getting anything from counseling?" "I'm telling you..." "March 21st." "Parenting classes have ended, and so has Mike's patience." "I am at the point, they can shove that fucking child psychology up their arse." "What are the perils... awaiting a family like this one." "With problems like these, that are untreated?" "Well for Evan, you know, it's... it...he's at risk." "In terms of confrontations with his daddy, he's standing up to his dad more, he's taunting his dad more, so..." "I'm concerned for him, and his welfare, and... with his dad." "And perhaps some physical abuse, and just some long-standing perhaps emotional scars..." "Am I hearing you say that Evan might have to leave this family?" "It is conceivable that maybe in Evan's best interest too, leave the home for a while, whether it'd be for a treatment center, or some other foster home, or group home setting." "I really be a grown-up, but I wanna..." "Am gonna get to...age sixteen or seventeen, I wanna stay that age." "What's so good about being sixteen, seventeen?" "I can move out, uhm, get a job, get my own place..." "I'll go to the mall whenever I like... then I'd stay young..." "At Portage, being seventeen is also about new beginnings." "My name is Jennifer." "(laughters)" "I'd like to... go to university, and..." "I've always wanted to be a psychologist, since 12 years old." "Do something, so I can..." "Do something with my life, so I can feel proud, and I'm worth something." "And know that I'm..." "I'm someone." "I don't like my freedom being taken away like that." "And..." "I don't wanna live like that, you know, I have.." "too much going for me." "Too many people care about me." "I see my family go through a lot of pain, a lot more pain than I had going to jail." "And that hurts." "I like plumbing, I wanna be a plumber." "It's my goal." "I wanna ba a pilot." "Or a stockbroker." "I'm like... knowledge-thirsty." "At least that's something I found out about myself." "I always wanted to know more and more." "March 25th.Once again, Evan has been caught stealing cigarettes." "Mike and Karin decide that trouble with Evan calls for drastic measures." "You also have to make yourself supper tonight." "Not just tonight." "Every night." "As far as I'm concerned,right now you're not my son." "You just live here." "You have a room to sleep in," "I don't care what you do, I don't care what time you come home, that door gets locked - that door gets locked." "At 9 o'clock." "You're not in this house by 9 o'clock?" "then you'd better find some place to sleep." "Because you're not going to be allowed in the house." "Supper time?" "You make your own supper." "Breakfast?" "You make your own breakfast." "Lunches?" "You make your own lunches - if you wish to go to school." "I am finished with you." "I don't even wanna know." "Don't ask me to give you an allowance, mommy is not gonna give you an allowance," "I am not giving you an allowance." "You're not gonna be included in anything." "You don't wanna have..." "You don't have to feed your dog anymore.." "There are 3 people in this family, as far as I'm concerned: me, mommy, and Kimberly." "That's it with you." "You've made it very clear that you don't want to be ?" ", so..." "You want to go live someplace else?" "Go live someplace else." "Please and thank you." "We don't wanna live with your aggravation anymore." "You have driven me and mommy, completely bananas." "So, I don't care what you make yourself - peanut butter, or jam sandwiches, or shit sandwiches." "That supper is for me, mommy, and Kimberly." "You're not my kid." "Yes, and when you want to belong again, you... we will see a change in you." "But as far as we're concerned - that's it." "Mommy is not going to end up in the hospital anymore." "I love that woman too much." "I'm not taking you camping, I'm not taking you golfing..." "When I plan our holidays in the summer, you'd better find some place to live, for three weeks." "Because this house will be locked up." "You do what you want." "Sayonara." "Guess we can put a... chair behind ?" "I guess." "Three days later, Evan asked to be readmitted to the family." "After negociation, Mike and Karin consented." "For a week, there was harmony." "Mike and Evan went fishing." "But relations quickly deteriorated." "And after the film was shown in Canada, both Evan and Kimberly were removed from the home by the Children's Aid society." "They are now in foster care." "The social agency say" ""All the family members will receive help", and eventually will be reunited." ""I like plumbing." "I wanna ba a plumber." "Plumbing, it's my goal."" ""I wanna be a pilot." "Or a stock-broker." "I'm, like, knowledge thirsty." "This is something I found out about myself." "I always want to know more and more"." ""I don't mean to make you, like a bad person, 'cause you're not...."