"Fuck!" "Fuck!" " Good morning." " Shit, shit, shit..." " Did you oversleep?" " You were supposed to wake me!" " Did we agree on that?" " I was supposed to be up at 8." "I wasn't getting up early, so why was the alarm in my room?" "Because it's the Elvis clock." "If Elvis is the first thing you see,   things can't be bad." "We discussed this last night!" " It's not that important to me..." " It is important!" "Does this look like a face that woke up to Elvis?" "No, it doesn't." "I'm sorry." "Fuck." "No, no, no..." "Can I help in any way?" "Could you just turn everything off?" "Yes." "And maybe you can just fry up some bacon?" "Forget the bacon." "I don't have time." "I'll eat the bacon already there." "OK." "And add salt." "Lots of salt." " Like that?" " Really good." " What time is it?" " Almost nine thirty." "I should have had it in the fryer too." "I have to be somewhere before work." "And I should have been at work already." " Bye then!" " Taxi to Waldemar Thrane Street 63A." "Not time, Bergersen, see ya." "Time?" "I've been waiting here for an hour!" "Sorry!" "Who should you ask for advice when the child in you dies?" "So this is where you are?" "The world's silliest rhetorical question." "Much like "Aren't you at work?"" "No, I'm not..." "Yet." "How are things at your dad's?" "Just fine." "Fine?" "Is that good?" "It sounds a bit like "second best"." "Sorry, Uncle Dag, please ask mum to call me." "This is just painful." " Calling in the big brother." " Marianne didn't send me.#" "If she knew, she'd kill me." "She's just not very happy at the moment." "Since you moved in with your dad." "After she's sacrificed her life for you." "So you're telling me to move back to my mum's?" "Is that it?" "And if I move back, Eva will move back in too." "Does that have anything to do with it?" "Listen, your dad is almost never home,   so you practically live by yourself, which you are too young for." "Sorry, Uncle Dag, I've got work to do." "See ya." "Hi." "How are we doing?" "The SM couple at 9am rescheduled for tomorrow." "The espresso machine is about to die, and there are two children in your office." "As in small, undeveloped, unfinished creatures?" "Ambulatory air raid sirens   whose only purpose is to provide glimpses of meaning   to disillusioned women in the autumn of their fertility?" "Tiny, red-faced sausages who monopolise all the attention..." "Margrethe Borchgrevink." "I'm here with my daughter." "We have some problems you might be able to help us with,   unless you're too busy being insane?" "No..." "That'll be fine." "Just come through." "Beatrice and Jørn." " What can I do for you?" " They've grown apart." " Mum..." " Yes, but you have." " All right..." "Firstly, how old are you?" " I'm almost 16, and he's 13." "So, 15, and 13." "And you've been dating how long?" "Three months next Tuesday." "And what's gone so terribly wrong that you need to see me?" "Just look at him." "I mean..." "I'm sure you're a very busy woman." "This could take a while." "Perhaps take an early lunch, and come back in an hour or so?" "There's a great salad bar around the corner." "Ask him why he won't sleep with her." "We have to talk about his, otherwise it'll be just   like your father." "It's nature and nurture, you know." "I'll be back in an hour." "So this is about sex." "He doesn't even want to finger me." "You get it, right?" "And you find that... hurtful?" "Gender equality is about more than equal pay." "He's responsible   for satisfying me intellectually as well as sexually." "Yes..." "What do you have to say about this, Jørn?" "You'd rather not talk about it." "It's embarrassing?" "He plays with Lego." "Seriously, Lego!" "What was that?" "You have to speak up a bit." "It's not Lego." "It's Lego Technics." "I empathise, Jørn." "I'm more of a Toys-R-Us kid myself." "You don't have to sit here if you don't want to." "Just go to the waiting room, and I'll have a chat with Beatrice." "Couples counselling?" "Aren't we meant to figure things out together?" "Beatrice." "You're an almost 16-year old woman going out with a child." "Jørn is a child." "You can't force him to have sex with you when he hardly knows what it is." "Why aren't you dating someone your own age?" "Christ, when I was 16 I thought of nothing but sex." "Boys your age are the horniest of the lot." "They're little sperm machines,   capable of twenty perfectly acceptable erections in one day." "They get excited at the sight of a canoe!" "If you held them face down, you could plough a field with them!" "There's an ocean of dicks out there!" "Why can't you just leave this kid alone?" "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh." " No worries, I can break up with him." " Great!" "Send him a note during a school break, or something." "Thank you." " Yes." " Your dog is here." "Come on, into the office." "And you stay away." "This particular cross is for me to bear..." "Why have you got peas in your pants, Benedikt?" "Frozen peas." "I went to Fredrikstad." "Where anyone can get laid." "Their coat of arms should feature a vagina." "I had arranged to meet my friend Anja, in the afternoon." "I told her I had a business meeting in the evening." "That way, I could hit town without pissing her off." "Benedikt Skovrand." "I have a reservation." "The plan went to pots right away." "You see, Anja..." " Nina!" "How did you know I was here?" " You said so, silly." "That's right." "And you couldn't make it because of work." "I got ill..." "Maybe Doctor Benedikt can find out what's wrong?" "I may be able to..." "Hi, sweetie." "Are you far away?" "So, in about half an hour?" "Listen, I thought it might be an idea to get a nicer room than last time." "So I've booked us into a different hotel." "Hotel City." "There's a couple of things I've got to do,   but I'm already checked in, so just get your key at the reception." "I'll be there as soon as I can." "OK?" "Love you too, baby." "Another 2000 kroner, right down the drain.." "Two Coke Zero, please." "They only had regular Coke downstairs, so I ran all the way to the gas station." " Anything for you, sweetie." " Anything?" "Of course." "And then it got going." "It's probably work." "I have to answer." "Let me guess..." "You've arrived in Fredrikstad, and Benedikt's expertise is required?" "Exactly." "All right." "I'll be there at 10." "Bye." "Why don't you just stay here and chill?" "I'll be back soon." "Shit." "I fucked Anja." "I had left my phone in the other room." "Had to fuck Nina." "Made it back to the other room and had a shower." "Big boy..." "I was going crazy, Dag, so I started drinking at a different hotel." "I told Nina and Anja I had to go to a party with a customer." "But then one of these old ladies started hitting on me." "And when I think things can't get any worse, I look out the window..." "And they can!" "They hate each other!" "I was stuck in Fredrikstad with nowhere to go." "I didn't have much of a choice." "Do you think you'll be able to perform tonight?" "You better sit down for this." "I've got something to tell you." "I've been with a young man." "Everything was firm, like steel." "And his thighs were so smooth." "I've got to hang up." "This experience feels still in my throat." "Talk to you soon." "Bye." "It was horrible." "Really horrible." " And the peas?" " I'm still swollen." "My dick looks like ground meat." "Wanna see?" "She was bragging about me to her friends at the senior centre." "I can't listen to more of this." "I heard the words "wet" and "huge" in the same sentence." " Is that sick, or what?" " Yes, it's sick." " Hi, nice plaits." " Don't!" "Malin, could you please come in for a second?" "Towel?" "Could you try to find out who this is from, and what it means?" "It's from Beatrice." "The girl who was here before Benedikt." "But what does it say...?" "Loads of abbreviation-crap." "Can you forward it to Theo and ask him to translate it?" "Are you going home?" " No, it's my dad's birthday." " Want to talk about it?" "No." "My misery is not your joy." "All right..." " Did you get the message I sent you?" " Yes, hot stuff!" "How old is she?" " 15, what do you mean be "hot"?" " She thinks you're handsome." " Handsome?" " She's not keen on you." " She likes you as a father figure." " Father figure?" "Bye." "Are you vacuuming?" "Yes." "I felt I should do something." "I couldn't just sit around in someone else's apartment." "You don't have to do anything." "Just think of it as a vacation." "A slightly strange vacation." "You're home early." "Yes, it's my dad's birthday." "I have to try to get there before Marianne does." "Wouldn't it make more sense to go together?" "No." "That's the whole point." "If we're all there at the same time, on of us feels let out, - and then we all feel awkward." "The awkwardness becomes a vicious cycle." "OK..." "Are you anything like your dad?" "I don't know." "I haven't seen him in five years." "This suit doesn't work, does it?" "No." "I've felt pretty old all day." "I thought it might help to wear the suit I got when I turned 18." "I prefer people who just act their age." "Thank you." " I think." " Sure." "Why haven't you seen your dad in five years?" "He's housebound." "It's not even a house." "When mum died, he sold everything and moved into a trailer." "He doesn't trust his pension to outlast him,   and has taken security in a fully loaded savings account." "I drop by to check him - regularly, but I never get to see him." " Son?" " Dad." "One moment." "See the jacket hanging on the hook outside?" "There's a hipflask in the inside pocket." "Have a drink, if you like." "So..." "You haven't gone bald yet?" "Not yet, how about you?" "No." "Still growing strong this end." " Can't you just let me in?" " No, I can't, it's a mess in here." "If I knew you were coming, I would have cleaned up." "Sorry." " But it's your birthday." " So what?" " We always come on your birthday." " Is Marianne there?" "No, she'll be here in an hour." "It's not even a round number." "75 is a pretty round number." "Listen, Dag." ""Round" refers to the last digit in a series of numbers." "The zero." "A round number, round like a ball." "Get it?" "75 ends in a 5." "That's not a round number." "No, you're right, it's not a round number." " Other than that, how are things?" " Fine, just great." " Are you not getting lonely?" " Dag." "Loneliness is something you feel around other people." "This isn't loneliness..." "This is peace of mind." "I didn't get you a present." "I figured you didn't want anything." "That's fine." "Great." "Nobody knows what you want better then yourself." "A sensible gift would be money." "But not for me, I've got plenty." " Dad?" " Yes." " I have to get going." " OK." "Fine." "Talk soon." " Bye, then." " Bye." "Welcome home." "Just sit down." "It's just my way of saying thanks for letting me crash here." "I don't need any thanks, really." "What have you made?" "I remember you saying you were disappointed   that there aren't any "Kentucky Fried Chicken" around." "And so..." "Fried chicken." "Yes." "Thanks for letting me stay." "Is something wrong?" "No." "It's just that...   fried chicken is my favourite."