"So here's what you missed on Glee:" "Tina dumped Artie for Mike Chang." "in the shower." "And we'd like to talk to you about Glee Club." "Finn thought Kurt was trying to look at him in the shower, so he called him a name which totally got him chewed out by Kurt's dad." "Maybe everyone should just start taking baths." "And that's what you missed on Glee!" "(bell ringing)" "All right, let's, uh, let's gather round." "Sorry I'm late, guys." "I was with Principal Figgins." "Bad news, guys." "Puckerman's in Juvvie." "It really was just a matter of time." "What did he do?" "He drove his mom's Volvo through the front of a convenience store, and drove off with the ATM." "(laughter)" "A-A-And when is he getting out?" "Unknown." "He might be the mbest person on this planet, and that's coming from me." "Guys!" "Let's have some sympathy." "For a guy who put his needs before the team's?" "We need his voice, and his bad-boy stage presence." "We can't look at this as, as a crisis." "It's an opportunity." "For what?" "Further embarrassment and humiliation?" "For welcoming our new member..." "Sam Evans!" "There he is." "How's it going?" "Hey, everybody." "I'm Sam." "Sam..." "I am." "And I don't like green eggs and ham." "Oh, wow." "He has no game." "Okay!" "This is gonna be great." "You're not going to regret joining, Sam." "Oh, good." "Sam, you sit right here." "WILL:" "All right!" "Question for the group." "What's a duet?" "A blanket." "A duet is when two voices join to become one." "WILL:" "Great duets are like a great marriage." "The singers complement each other, push each other to be better." "Now, some people..." "Psst!" "He's on team gay." "No straight boy dyes his hair to look like Linda Evangelista circa 1993." "You're crazy, circa 2010." "WILL:" "And that is what duets are all about." "So, this week I want you to pair up and sing a duet." "And since you guys all seemed to love our little" ""Defying Gravity" diva-off, I'm making this a competition." "What's the winner get?" "Dinner for two, on me... at Breadstix." "(all gasping) Breadstix!" "(everyone chattering excitedly)" "Who you gonna sing with, Kurt?" "Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX and FORD." "Drive One." "(bell ringing)" "Hi." "I'm Kurt Hummel." "Hey." "I just wanted to personally welcome you to the glee club." "Thanks." "Just tell me." "Look... maybe at your old school, you could get away with the whole" ""I just stayed in the sun all summer" excuse, but I have three gifts:" "my voice, my ability to spot trends in men's fashion, and my ability to know when it comes from a bottle." "I don't dye my hair, dude." "Yes, you do." "But it's just between friends." "That's not natural." "I'm gonna... go... 'cause you're kinda freaking me out." "Wait, wait." "Maybe my instincts were a little off." "Let me make it up to you." "Team up with me for the duet competition." "Listen, unless you team up with Rachel," "I am your best bet at winning." "Aren't duets supposed to be between, like, a girl and a guy?" "Well, Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor would protest." ""Make'em Laugh"?" "Sorry." "Singin' in the Rain." "1952." "Nothing." "Okay, maybe you are straight." "What?" "Nothing." "Listen, rent it." "and then look up the menu for Breadstix online, and call me, because we are gonna win this." "(bell ringing)" "BRITTANY:" "I love your sweet lady kisses." "Mm-hmm." "It's a nice break from all that scissoring." "We should do a duet together." "We should sing Melissa Ethridge's "Come To My Window."" "First of all?" "There's a lot of talking going on, and I wants ta get my mack on." "Well..." "I don't know, I just..." "I think we just..." "Okay, second of all?" "I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you and want to sing about making lady babies." "I'm only here because Puck's been in the slammer for about 12 hours now, and I'm like a lizard." "I need something warm beneath me, or I can't digest my food." "But who are you going to sing a duet with?" "(bell ringing)" "Why would I want to do a duet with you?" "We can't stand each other." "Look, Wheezy, I realize" "I've tried to punch you a couple times, and sometimes, when you're not looking," "I puweird things in your food." "But it's a new year, and you and I are the best singers at this school." "I don't get what the big deal is, it's just a free trip to Breadstix." "Um, I'm sorry, have you been to Breadstix?" "They are legally forbidden to stop bringing you breadsticks." "One time I brought a wheelbarrow, and when the mager tried to stop me from filling it up," "I calleded the corporae office and got her fired." "(sighs)" "Well, I guess our voices do sorta go together." "Mm-hmm, that's right, girl!" "So if we do a duet together, we will be the undisputed top bitches at this school." "(bell ringing)" "You can't do this to him." "You're over-reacting." "If he sings with you, you're painting a bull's-eye on his back." "Once again, your closeted homophobia seeps to the surface like the contents of a cracked cesspool." "Don't give me that." "Look, I know I shouldn't have used that word in your basement, but it's not like you were innocent." "I really like you, Kurt." "But the fact of the matter is, the way you were all over me last year?" "if I did that to a girl, she'd take out a restraining order." "You have issues with me being gay, I get it." "No, actually, I don't." "I have issues with the fact that you don't understand that no means no." "I just want to sing with him." "Then you don't give a damn about any of us." "If he sings with you, I guarantee, within a week, he'll take so much crap, he'll have to quit Glee Club." "Your call, dude." "(Elton John  Kiki Dee's "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" begi)" "♪ Don't go breakin' my heart ♪" "♪ I couldn't if I tried ♪" "♪ Oh honey, if I get restless ♪" "♪ Baby, you're not the kind ♪" "♪ Don't go breakin' my heart ♪" "♪ You take the weight off of me ♪" "♪ Oh honey, when you knock on my door ♪" "♪ Ooh, I gave you my key ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ Ooh-hoo!" "♪" "♪ Nobody knows it ♪" "♪ But when I was down ♪" "♪ I was your clown ♪" "♪ Hoo-hoo!" "♪" "♪ Nobody knows it ♪" "♪ Nobody knows it ♪" "♪ Right from the start ♪" "♪ I gave you my heart ♪" "♪ Oh... oh ♪" "♪ I gave you my heart ♪" "♪ Don't go breakin' my heart ♪" "♪ I won't go breakin' your heart ♪" "♪ Don't go breakin' my ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ Don't go breakin' my ♪" "♪ Don't go breakin' my heart ♪" "♪ Don't go breakin' my ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ Don't go breakin' my heart ♪" "♪ Oh... ♪" "♪ Yeah!" "♪" "We're totally going to win this thing." "I know." "Wow." "Don't be sad." "I mean, Breadstix has these vegan meatballs, they're... they're okay." "I'm not really a nice person." "I'm selfish." "The fact is, is I'm only really generous if there's something in it for me." "Yeah, but I still like you." "But you, you're so..." "kind, a-and open." "Well, it's made me want to be a better person." "We have to throw the competition." "I love Breadstix." "No, i-i-if we wanna win at Nationals, then Sam has to win this contest." "Okay?" "He has to feel like he belongs and, and the team has to believe in him." "Wow, Rachel, I never seen you like this." "I'm kind of impressed." "Well, like I said... you inspired me." "But technically, you're doing this because it'll help us win Nationals, which means there's something in it for you, so it doesn't really count as you doing something nice." "Okay, so I'm just gonna ignore what you just said repeat what I said before:" "we just have to find a way for me to lose a singing competition so that the new kid sticks around." "Right." "I don't want to do it." "We're duet partners-- you have to sing!" "I don't even know if I can sing." "Everyo knows I'm here to do one thing: dance." "You sing and I'll dance around you;" "you'll be fine." "No, no." "We're singing together." "We are gonna win that dinner at Breadstix, and then we can finally have a normal night out." "Normal?" "What do you mean?" "We went out last night." "For dim sum." "With your mom." "All we ever do is get dim sum with your mom!" "Here we go." "Hi." "So, I just want you to know" "I'm really into you." "Okay." "Sorry, I'm... just a little confused." "You've never even made eye contact with me." "I know." "For a while I thought you were a robot." "TINA:" "I'm not saying that steamed pork knuckles aren't delicious." "I'm just saying that at Breadstix they have bottomless salad bowls, they refill your salad until you leave or pass out." "You can get salad at dim sum." "My mom got salad last night." "There were chicken feet in it." "It was a chicken feet salad." "All I want is a normal salad that doesn't have chicken feet in it!" "So, let me get this straight." "You want to be my girlfriend because... you like the idea of wheeling me around?" "I just really want to get you in a stroller." "MIKE:" "You're not listening to me." "You don't care about my needs!" "Shh!" "We're fighting a lot." "We should go to Asian couples therapy." "Why does the couples therapy have to be Asian?" "So, I get to tell everybody that we're dating?" "Yes." "And I get a duet partner." "I don't see the big deal." "He e-mailed me, like, 60 MP3's of him singing, and I thought it was Faith Hill." "The kid's good." "Look, this isn't about how good Kurt is." "Being in Glee Club is like... it's like walking down the double yellow lines of a highway." "If you get just a little off course you're gonna get crushed." "I got to be honest." "You're kind of confusing my head right now." "I mean, do you remember what you said when you talked me into joining Glee Club?" "(bell ringing)" "Nationals are in New York City." "Can you imagine at it's going to be like coming home with that first-place trophy?" "Most of the kids in this town have never even seen the ocean." "We'll be gods." "I joined up because I'm new here and you said it would make me popular, and now you're telling me that it's going to get me killed." "Well, eventually you're going get popular from it, believe me, but until then, you got to lay low a little bit, a-and singing a duet with another dude is not laying low." "I didn't realize you had a problem with gay dudes." "Look, I don't have a problem with gay dudes." "Everyone else does, and we're living in their world, and in their world, you singing a duet with Kurt is a death sentence." "(sighs)" "Well," "I gave him my word." "In my world, that's that." "Boom!" "Welcome to Glee Club, lady lips." "(laughter)" "The blueberry flavor is the worst, especially if it gets down your pants." "I looked like a creature out of Avatar down there when I got Slushied." "I saw Avatar, like, six times." "Oh." "Anyway, you'll get used to it." "You're the head cheerleader." "Why do you even bother?" "I mean, you don't need Glee Club." "I like to sing..." "and the fact is those guys were pretty cool to me last year when I wasn't on top." "What's the point of being popular when you can't do what you want?" "Lor manari." "It means you have pretty eyes." "It's Nav'i... the Avatar language." "Lor manari." "First course is served." "Heart-healthy vegan carrot soup with whole grain croutons, and you'd better eat all of it." "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find saffron in this town?" "All right, let me eat this at the table." "You could make a plaster cast of my ass with the cushions from this couch." "Absolutely not." "I am in charge of your care from now on." "You had a serious arrhythmia, Dad." "The doctors say you need to rest until your stress test." "You're my stress test." "Guess this means I can't get salt?" "(sighs)" "Chin up." "What's up?" "How's school?" "(sighs)" "It's fine, I guess." "There's this new kid Sam in Glee Club." "He and I are singing a duet together." "Is that a problem?" "Finn practically begged me not to." "He said it'd ruin Sam's reputation." "Well, this kid Sam, uh... you know, does he, he play for your team?" "Undetermined." "Oh." "Maybe Finn has a point." "You're siding with him after what he called me in our basement?" "I was talking to Carole, and you weren't totally honest with me." "She told me that you had a crush on Finn and you weren't afraid to show it." "Is this true?" "So a gay guy can't be friendly to a straight guy without it being predatory?" "You got to understand that most guys don't know how to deal with unwanted advances." "So you're saying I shouldn't sing with this Sam guy because it might upset a couple homophobes?" "I thought you said no one pushes the Hummels around." "(sighs)" "No one does." "I-I'm, I'm not saying that." "I-I'm, I'm saying that maybe it's you who's pushing this kid Sam around, trying to take advantage of him because you're interested in him." "Dad, you have no idea what it's like." "I am the only openly gay kid at school, in this town." "I mean, why can't I walk hand in hand down the hall with a person that I like?" "Why can't I slow-dance at my prom?" "Come here." "You think I don't want those things for you?" "I do." "You know, until you find somebody as open and as brave as you, you're just going to have to get used to going it alone." "(Ike and Tina Turner's "River Deep" " Mountain High" playing)" "♪ When I was a little girl ♪" "♪ I had a rag doll ♪" "♪ Only doll I've ever owned ♪" "♪ Now I love you just the way ♪" "♪ I loved that rag doll ♪" "♪ But only now my love ♪" "♪ Has grown ♪" "MERCEDES:" "♪ And it gets stronger ♪" "♪ In every way ♪" "♪ And it gets higher ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ Day by day ♪" "♪ Do I love you?" "♪" "♪ My, oh, my ♪" "♪ River deep, mountain high ♪" "♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪" "♪ If I lost you, would I cry?" "♪" "♪ Oh, how I love you, baby ♪" "♪ Baby, bab baby ♪" "♪ I love you, baby ♪" "♪ Like a flower loves the spring ♪" "♪ And I love you, baby, like a robin ♪" "♪ Loves to sing ♪" "♪ And I love you, baby ♪" "♪ Like a schoolboy loves his bag ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ And I love you, baby, river deep ♪" "♪ Mountain high ♪" "♪ Oh, baby ♪" "♪ Oh, baby ♪" "♪ Oh... baby ♪" "♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪" "♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ Do I love you?" "♪" "♪ My, oh, my, yeah ♪" "♪ River deep, mountain high ♪" "♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪" "♪ If I lost you, would I cry?" "♪" "♪ Oh, how I love you, baby ♪" "♪ Baby, baby, baby. ♪" "(song ends)" "(cheering and applause) Whoo!" "Yes, yes, yes." "Whoo!" "Again, again, again." "Ladies, nice work." "What an incredible song." "SANTANA:" "And just so you know, I've already bought custom bibs for me and Mercedes here." "You know why?" "'Cause we's be going..." "MERCEDES and SANTANA:" "To Breadstix." "(chuckles)" "Yes." "You hear that, guys?" "You have your work cut out for you." "Don't worry," "I'm not going to go all Shawshank on you." "This is kind of weird." "Guys usually don't talk to each other in here." "Well, this can't wait." "I'm setting you free." "You can do your duet with someone else in Glee, someone that the world deems more appropriate." "Did I do something to offend you?" "No, no, I..." "It's not you, it's me." "You've been honorable, actually, and I wish you the best, but I've realized that I need to sing with someone that matches my passion and talent level." "Who's that?" "You know, they make special shampoo for color-treated hair." "I don't dye my hair." "Uh-huh." "This is a disaster." "Could you stop pacing?" "It's stressing me out." "It's just, being the "it couple"" "is so much harder than I thought." "I-I am so stumped at how to lose this thing." "Wait, I got it." "You remember we saw Grease and it was good, and then we saw Grease 2, and I fell asleep, but you said the difference was that the songs were bad." "Were bad." "Yeah" "If we want to lose, we have to do a song that's bad." "Not just a bad song, an offensive song." "(claps)" "Yes!" "Artie." "Mm-hmm." "Can we talk?" "Yeah." "I want us to be duet partners." "Really?" "We sing really well together." "I just thought if we won, we could share a nice, free dinner together as friends." "We haven't really talked." "Well, Tina, as rich as I find it that you've come crawling back," "I'll have you know that not only do I have a duet partner but that our working relationship has blossomed into romance." "If you'll excuse me." "WILL:" "Okay, guys, so... who is up first today?" "Mr. Shue, if I may." "You may." "As many of you know, I had a duet partner, but due to sensitivities I'd rather not get into at the moment, I have dissolved the partnership." "Okay, so who are you going to sing a duet with?" "Only the most talented member of the glee club-- myself." "When you're different, when you're special, sometimes you have to get used to being alone." "I've asked a few members of the glee club as well as some Cheerios!" "to help me out." "How can you do a duet by yourself?" "That's like vocal masturbation or something." "(scattered snickering)" "I will be doing a number from the seminal classic movie Victor/Victoria." "It's a show about embracing both the male and the female sides." "Watch and learn, Santana." "Hit it." "("Le Jazz Hot" playing)" "♪ 'Bout 20 years ago ♪" "♪ Way down in New Orleans ♪" "♪ A group of fellers found ♪" "♪ A new kind of music ♪" "♪ And they decided to call it ♪" "♪ Jazz ♪" "♪ No other sound has ♪" "♪ What this music has ♪" "♪ Before they knew it ♪" "♪ It was whizzin' 'round the world ♪" "♪ The world was ready ♪" "♪ For a blue kind of music ♪" "♪ And now they play it ♪" "♪ From Steamboat Springs ♪" "♪ To La Paz ♪" "♪ Oh, baby ♪" "♪ Won't you play me ♪" "♪ Le Jazz Hot ♪" "♪ Maybe, and don't ever ♪" "♪ Let it end ♪" "♪ I tell ya, friend, it's really something ♪" "♪ To hear ♪" "♪ I can't sit still ♪" "♪ When there's that rhythm ♪" "♪ Near me ♪" "♪ When you play me ♪" "♪ Le Jazz Hot, baby ♪" "♪ You're holding my soul ♪" "♪ Together ♪" "♪ Don't know whether it's morning ♪" "♪ Or night ♪" "♪ Only know it sounded right ♪" "♪ So come on in ♪" "♪ And play me ♪" "♪ Le Jazz Hot ♪" "♪ Baby, 'cause ♪" "♪ I love my jazz ♪" "♪ Hot... ♪" "(holding note)" "♪ Le... ♪" "♪ Jazz... ♪" "(holding low note):" "♪ Hot... ♪" "(rising in pitch)" "(note getting louder and higher)" "(holding high note in falsetto range)" "(percussion solo playing)" "(fingers snap)" "Le Jazz Hot." "(song ends, laughter, whooping)" "(people whistling)" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "(applause, indistinct shouts)" "I love astronomy." "Something about all that space makes my problems seem kind of small." "That one's Venus." "Planet of love." "It's actually Mars, planet of war." "Which one are we on?" "Earth." "So why don't you come back to it and talk to me about duets." "Tell me why I should be singing with you." "Okay." "Well, I want to start off with the choreography." "Singing will be easy, so I'll start playing... (chords strumming)" "All right, now get behind me." "(quietly):" "Get behind me." "(continues strumming)" "Good." "Now grab my hips." "And start swaying." "All right, now, here's the cool part." "(stops strumming) Give me your hand." "Do you know how to play?" "(whispers):" "No." "All right, it's easy." "Just put that finger there." "Just like that." "(strumming quietly)" "Now do it fast back and forth." "(chord changes)" "There you go." "(chord changes)" "(slowly stops strumming)" "No." "No, I can't do this." "Th year is about me." "And don't say that I'm selfish, because you have no idea how much I've given." "I wasn't..." "I wasn't gonna..." "I've been down this path before;" "I know this feeling." "(anxious sigh) Like, I need you." "Duets don't work for me, and I don't need you." "What I need is to find a way to keep Santana off my heels." "I'm..." "I'm sorry..." "What I need is to find a way to torture Rachel." "And I need to start learning to ignore people." "And I'm sorry, I shouldn't..." "I shouldn't have tried that." "I'm sorry." "I made a mistake, and, um..." "I don't want to sing with you." "(bell rings)" "I don't think I could do this." "It's the perfect song for this very situation." "Whenever you're ready, guys." "SANTANA:" "Yeah, hurry up;" "I needs to get myself to Breadstix." "Don't count on it." "I'm mad at you, but you're still so hot." "Trust me, you're gonna be great." "♪ See, I really couldn't sing ♪" "♪ I could never really sing ♪" "♪ What I couldn't do is ♪ ♪ Sing ♪" "♪ I have trouble with the ♪" "♪ Note ♪ ♪ It goes all around my ♪" "♪ Throat ♪ ♪ It's a terrifying ♪" "♪ Thing ♪ ♪ See, I really couldn't ♪" "♪ Hear which note was lower or was♪" "♪ Higher ♪ ♪ Which is why ♪" "♪ I disappear if someone says ♪" "♪ Let's start a ♪ ♪ Choir ♪" "♪ Hey, when I begin to..." "♪ Squeak ♪" "♪ It's a cross between a... ♪ ♪ Shriek ♪" "♪ And a quiver or a... ♪ Moan ♪" "♪ It's a little like a... ♪ ♪ Croak ♪" "♪ Or the record player... ♪ B♪" "♪ What it doesn't have is... ♪ ♪ Tone ♪" "♪ Oh, I know you're thinking what a crazy ♪" "(tempo slows) ♪ Ding-a-ling ♪" "♪ But I really couldn't ♪ ♪ Sing ♪" "♪ I could never really ♪ ♪ Sing ♪" "♪ What I couldn't do is ♪ ♪ Sing ♪" "But what I lack in pitch," "I sure make up in... ♪ Power... ♪" "And all my friends say I am perfect for the... ♪ Shower!" "♪" "♪ Still..." "I'm terrific at a ♪ ♪ Dance ♪" "♪ 'Cause I'm messing up my ♪ ♪ Pants ♪" "♪ I'm a birdie on the ♪ ♪ Wing ♪" "♪ But if I begin to ♪ ♪ Chirp ♪" "♪ They say who's the little ♪ ♪ Twerp ♪" "♪ Going pong instead of ♪ ♪ Ping ♪" "♪ And when Christmas comes, and all my friends go ♪" "ALL (tempo slowing):" "♪ Caroling... ♪" "♪ It is so dishearten ♪ ♪ Ning ♪" "♪ It is so disquiet ♪ ♪ Ting ♪" "♪ It is so discourage ♪ ♪ Ging ♪" "♪ Darling, please stop answer ♪" "♪ Ring ♪" "♪ See, I really couldn't ♪ ♪ Sing ♪" "♪ What I couldn't do is ♪" "♪ Do re mi fa so la to do, do re mi fa so la ti do ♪" "♪ La ♪ ♪ La ♪" "♪ La ♪" "♪ La... ♪" "♪ Sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing ♪" "(shrieks):" "♪ Sing!" "♪" "(song ends)" "(laughs) Wow!" "Now, that is a duet!" "Thank you, Tina, for introducing us to the amazing voice of Mike Chang!" "That was good." "(groans)" "You tried to kiss her?" "Major Glee party foul, dude." "Look, I know I shouldn't have." "She was just sending me these vibes." "And those eyes." "Hey, Quinn, can we talk?" "What do you want to talk about?" "About Sam." "I-I heard that you backed out of doing the duet with him." "Maybe it's for the best she backed out." "I mean, if that Puckerman kid ever gets out of jail, he's gonna beat my ass." "I'm sure you still have feelings for her, too." "No, no, no way." "I'm with Rachel now." "I mean, she's a lot shorter than Quinn and she talks a lot, but I'm in love with her." "Look, th-this isn't about dating, dude." "This is about you singing with Quinn to raise your musical rep in the group." "Look, I understand that your reputation is important to you, but... wouldn't you want to do whatever it takes to be on top of the proverbial pyramid in every aspect of your life?" "Singing with Sam won't change that." "Oh, but winning the competition will." "And partnering with Sam is really your only shot at it." "What's your angle?" "Angle?" "What's your angle?" "Me winning means you losing, and you'll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen, so what is in it for you?" "Look, I agree." "Okay?" "You're probably not gonna beat Finn and I, but I just thought that, as the team captain, it would be good for the team to have some healthy competition for second place." "FINN:" "Look, I'm not saying you're gonna win, but I'm just saying that, you know, even coming in second would go a long way with the rest of the team." "(bell rings) Hey." "Listen, I was totally out of line with you." "I promise it won't happen again, though you might have to wear sunglasses whenever we're together." "Good." "Because we're gonna have to spend a lot of time together practicing if we're gonna win that dinner at Breadstix." "(playing notes)" "♪ Oh, oh, yay... ♪" "Just like that." "(playing notes)" "(slightly off-key):" "♪ Oh, oh, yay... ♪" "Tina used to make runs look so easy, but..." "I guess they aren't for everybody." "Wait." "(slightly off-key):" "♪ Oh, oh, yay... ♪" "Nailed it." "I'm sorry, I can't do this." "I just can't." "I'm sorry." "Uh, why... why can't you do this?" "I thought I was over somebody, but I..." "I still think I have feelings for them." "The Clintons?" "Tina." "I'm sorry." "Wait, don't leave." "You want to get over Tina, right?" "(whispers):" "Let me help you." "What are you..." "what are you doing?" "I mean, you're on the football team now anyways." "So... we're gonna get around to this at some point." "Hold up." "Am I about to lose my virginity?" "Before our duet, we're gonna do it." "(Billy Preston  Syreeta's "With You, I'm Born Again" begins)" "♪ Come give me ♪" "♪ Oh... ♪ ♪ Your sweetness ♪" "♪ Oh, oh ♪" "♪ Now there's you, there is no weakness ♪" "♪ Now there's you, there is no ♪" "♪ Weakness ♪ ♪ Lying safe within your arms ♪" "♪ I'm born again... ♪" "♪ Woman, don't you know with you I'm born again ♪" "♪ I was half, not whole ♪" "♪ Instead with none ♪" "♪ Reaching through this world ♪" "♪ In need of one ♪" "This isn't happening." "♪ Come show me ♪" "♪ Your kindness ♪" "♪ In your arms I know I'll find this ♪" "♪ Woman ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ Don't you know with you ♪" "♪ I'm born again ♪" "♪ Lying safe with you ♪" "♪ I'm born ♪" "♪ A... gain... ♪" "(holding note)" "(song ends)" "Okay, do I even need to say it?" "(chuckles) That was really rude." "It was, like, really rude." "QUINN:" "I seriously wanted to punch both of you." "I have to agree." "It's a great duet, but what you guys did with it was... really inappropriate." "Your costume choice was a little insensitive." "Frankly..." "I'm disappointed." "What?" "!" "Are you serious?" "I'm..." "Shocked." "Shocked." "RACHEL:" "We're..." "We're shocked." "I-I..." "I really hope that this doesn't cost us the competition." "Yeah, uh..." "Hey." "Let's sit down." "Come." "WILL:" "Well, getting back on track, who's next?" "All right." "Okay, I just want to say I'm really excited, and that" "I couldn't have asked for a better partner." "(Jason Mraz's and Colby Caillat's "Lucky" begins)" "♪ Do you hear me?" "♪" "♪ I'm talking to you across the water ♪" "♪ Across the deep blue ocean ♪" "♪ Under the open sky ♪" "♪ Oh, my, baby, I'm trying ♪" "♪ Boy, I hear you in my dreams ♪" "♪ I feel your whisper across the sea ♪" "♪ I keep you with me in my heart ♪" "♪ You make it easier when life gets hard ♪" "♪ I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend ♪" "♪ Lucky to have been where I have been ♪" "♪ Lucky to be coming home again ♪" "♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪" "♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh ♪" "♪ They don't know ♪ ♪ They don't know ♪" "♪ How long it takes ♪ ♪ How long it takes ♪" "♪ Waiting for love like this ♪" "♪ Every time ♪" "♪ Every time ♪ ♪ We say good-bye ♪" "♪ We say good-bye ♪" "♪ I wish we had one more kiss ♪" "♪ I'll wait for you, I promise you ♪" "♪ I will ♪" "♪ I'm ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ Lucky I'm in love with my best friend ♪" "♪ Lucky to have been where I have been ♪" "♪ Lucky to be coming home some day ♪" "♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪" "♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪" "♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪" "So frickin' charming." "♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪" "(song ends)" "(applause)" "(bell ringing)" "You're-You're breaking up with me?" "All you wanted was a free dinner at Breadstix." "But I really wanted to go with you." "I was going to order us one really, really long piece of spaghetti like in Lady and the Tramp." "I've been practicing nudging the meatballs across the table with my nose." "You used me for my voice." "That's the only reason you had sex with me." "I have it on good authority." "She's using you for your voice." "That's the only reason she had sex with you." "Wait." "How did you know that?" "Hi." "Excuse me." "Do you know Brittany?" "Cheerios!" "Brittany?" "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "We had sex." "Hmm." "Look, I don't mean to be a bitch-- well, yeah, actually, I do-- but the only thing that you can give Brittany that she can't get from someone else is ser choice parking." "I know that sex don't mean anything to you, but did you ever think how much it means to me?" "After my accident, we didn't know if I'd ever be able even to do that." "And when I found out that I could, it seemed like some kind of miracle, and you just walked all over that." "You're not my partner anymore." "I told Mr. Shue I'm pulling out of the duet competition." "Artie, I didn't know." "I'm..." "I'm so sorry." "Okay, since Artie and Brittany have dropped out of the race, I guess it's time to take it to a vote." "Well, even though it looks like just about everyone voted for themselves-- even those who didn't compete-- we do have a winner." "And the winner is by two votes Sam and Quinn." "What?" "What?" "Screw that!" "I want my stix!" "Ooh, let it go." "Let go." "Let it go!" "Unbelievable." "It was mine!" "No, I don't know how this happened." "Son." "Unbelievable." "(sighs happily)" "(quietly):" "This is so not a date." "We did it, babe." "(bell ringing)" "Hey, I had something I wanted to talk to you about." "Oh, please not another pregnancy." "I think that you and I are a little bit more similar than you think." "That's a terrible thing to say." "I know you're lonely." "I can't even imagine how hard it must be to have feelings in high school that you can't act on for fear of being humiliated, ridiculed or worse." "We're going to win Nationals this year, and you know how we're ing to do that?" "Because we have you." "That's true." "That's 12 people who love you just for being exactly the way that you are." "Look, I'm know you're lonely, but... you're not alone." "So, I was wondering if you would maybe want to sing a duet with me?" "I think you'll be really happy with my song selection." "It's sort of everything that both you and I love." "But the, uh, duet competition is over." "I know." "I just..." "I thought this one could be for me and you." "(bell ringing)" "You know, I hear they don't even make these fresh." "They fly them in frozen from some factory in the Dominican Republic." "I once caught some pretty sweet waves down in the Dominican." "Hey, hey, hey." "Uh-uh." "Come on." "It's my Matthew McConaughey impression-- come on." "Does that work on the girls where you're from?" "The impressions, the bad jokes, the Nav'i?" "Uh, I don't know." "I don't know." "I went to an all-boys boarding school." "Makes sense." "It must be hard." "I think if I went through what you went through last year," "I would have transferred to a school on the moon or something, out of embarrassment." "Okay, that-that didn't come out right." "I mean, you're really brave to come back like you have." "I don't judge you or anything." "I know what it's like to have a... secret that you're ashamed of." "Oh, holy crap." "So you..." "So you are gay?" "(laughs):" "What?" "No." "Not at all." "When I found out I was moving here," "I wanted to seem cool, you know?" "Figured if I looked like Swayze in Point Break, people might think I was a surfer or something." "(laughs)" "I didn't think it through very clearly." "So..." "I put lemon juice in my hair." "I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for Kurt and his sixth sense." "I think it looks cute." "Really?" "(laughs)" "(sighs)" "What are you doing?" "We're not using that." "You're paying." "Why?" "Because a gentleman always pays on the first date." "("Get Happy" and "Happy Days are Here Again" begins)" "♪ Forget your troubles ♪" "♪ Happy days ♪" "♪ Come on get happy ♪" "♪ Are here again ♪" "♪ You better chase ♪" "♪ The skies ♪ ♪ All your cares away ♪" "RACHEL:" "♪ Above are clear again ♪" "KURT:" "♪ Shout hallelujah ♪" "RACHEL:" "♪ So let's sing a song ♪" "KURT:" "♪ Come on, get happy ♪" "RACHEL:" "♪ Of cheer again ♪" "KURT: ♪ Get ready for the judgment day ♪" "RACHEL:" "♪ Happy days are here again ♪" "♪ The sun is shining ♪" "♪ Come on get happy ♪" "RACHEL:" "♪ Shining now ♪" "KURT:" "♪ The Lord is waiting ♪" "RACHEL:" "♪ There's no one ♪" "♪ To take your hand ♪" "♪ Who can doubt it now ♪" "♪ Shout hallelujah ♪" "♪ So let's tell the world ♪" "♪ And just get happy ♪" "♪ About it now ♪" "♪ We're going ♪" "RACHEL:" "♪ Happy days ♪" "KURT:" "♪ To the promised land ♪" "♪ Are here again ♪" "KURT: ♪ We're heading cross the river ♪" "♪ Soon your cares will all be gone ♪" "RACHEL: ♪ They'll be no more from now on ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ From now on ♪" "♪ Forget your troubles ♪" "♪ Oh, happy days ♪" "♪ And just get happy ♪" "♪ Are here again ♪" "♪ You better chase ♪" "♪ The skies... ♪" "♪ All your blues away ♪" "♪ Above are clear again ♪" "♪ Shout hallelujah ♪" "♪ So let's sing a song ♪" "KURT:" "♪ And just get happy ♪" "RACHEL:" "♪ Of cheer again ♪" "♪ Happy times ♪" "♪ Happy times ♪" "♪ Happy nights ♪" "♪ Happy nights ♪" "BOTH:" "♪ Happy days ♪" "♪ Are ♪" "♪ Here ♪" "♪ Again!" "♪"