"My shift hasn't started yet." "Try that guy." "Who, that guy right there?" "Yeah." "All right, thank you." "A lot's been going on around here the last two weeks." "Turk and Carla got married, that short guy hurt his hand..." "And since I totally broke Elliot's heart, I was still trying to smooth things over." "Hey, buddy." "What's with the giant needle?" "We still had some work to do." "Where was I?" "Oh, yeah." "The hospital also had a new attending psychologist." "Dr..." "Molly..." "Clock." "This is a really windy hospital." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I was drying up a patient's urine." "Hmm." "I'm kind of a favorite around here!" "Not only was Dr. Clock easy on the eyes, but apparently she was an excellent shrink." "Mr. Witcomb is in the middle of a psychotic break from self-discontinuation of his meds, so we need to get him on Haloperidol IV stat." "But I also heard she was a little spacy." "So where were we?" "Um... we weren't talking." "Was it 'cause of something you did, 'cause I am totally over it." "I don't even remember what it was." "No, I mean like we've never talked... ever." "Well how do I know your name, then?" "You don't." "You're freakin' me out, Jimmy!" "It's Johnny." "Why would you say "Johnny"?" "You hate "Johnny"!" "Now I'm gonna commit it to my memory forever." "Johnny..." "Johnny..." "Johnny..." "Dammit!" "Dammit!" "Dammit!" "Okay, Johnny..." "Dammit!" "I'm sorry, I'm just meeting so many people, and everyone's kind of cliquish and I haven't really gotten to know anybody." "So let's talk!" "It's not like I'm going anywhere, right?" "Great!" "Oh, thanks." "Okay." "'Scuse me." "Turk's back from his honeymoon!" "Nice to meet you...!" "TURK!" "HEY!" "Go ahead." "JAAAAAAAY DEEEEEEEE!" "Whooooa, J.D.!" "J.D.!" "Maybe some day he'll love me like that." "He's here!" "TURK!" "JAAAAAAAY DEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "TUUUUUUUUUUUURK!" "TURK?" "!" "J.D.!" "J.D.?" "!" "TURK!" "DUDE!" "Stay right there!" "I'm so excited!" "The roof!" "I'LL HOLLA!" "ALL RIGHT, LOOK, FROM NOW ON, WE'RE CALLING THIS "ROOF A"." "GOT IT!" "TURK!" "Well, well, well..." "What do we have here?" "The newlyweds!" "Oh, and, hey Carla." "Mark my words, the first year of marriage is just a real treat!" "Sweetheart, do you remember ours?" "The silly fighting for control!" "You broke my jaw!" "You gotta stop that back-talk early." "Come on, glass jaw." "Duck and move, Gandhi." "Here it is, here it is, watch it - ohhhh, duck and move." "Ignore him, baby." "We have a great relationship." "Nothing's gonna change." "Over the next few days, Carla started to change everything." "Hey, dude, get us some more ice cream." "First of all, this is a Rice Dream - mm, ricey - secondly, I can't get out of these new chairs she got." "Am I using it right?" "These bowls Carla bought don't hold a lot of Rice Dream." "I can barely get my spoon in it." "Look." "Hey, J.D.?" "Although we do appreciate the wedding gift..." "Turk and I decided we don't want this Sugar Hill Gang alarm clock." "We don't?" "I got it." "Whoa." "I got it." "I'm okay." "I don't... here it goes." "Whoa!" "I'm still in the chair!" "It's like a bear-trap!" "As I fondled Katya, my pillow girlfriend, I thought about how things had changed for all of us." "You see, I had almost forgotten that when I wake up, it'll be the start of my last week as a resident." "Snooze!" "Scrubs 4x01" "Don't look at me, it just fell." "Please please please please please please please please please please please please please!" "Proceed unmolested." "I knew he'd buy it, because today feels like one of those great days in the hospital." "People really seem to be getting to know each other." "Bob, Bob, Bob..." "Bob..." "Bob..." "Fantastic." "Get off my face." "My last week of residency had begun." "In seven days I'd be a full-fledged doctor." "It felt pretty special to me, and I had a hunch it meant a lot to one other person as well." "Yes, milady?" "Sooo, ya felling all, like, blalala!" "That depends, does "blalalala" mean confused and incredibly annoyed?" "Come on, man, it's our last week together!" "The J.D. and Cox train is pulling into the station." "You must have a metaphor you want to use; hit me with it!" "I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together." "Lemme see, uhh..." "Low-carb diets." "Michael Moore." "The Republican National Convention." "Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products." "Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots," "'The O.C.', the U.N., recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys." "Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much!" "The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host!" "Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything that exists - past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions." "Oh!" "And Hugh Jackman." "Hugh Jackman's Wolverine!" "How dare he." "I missed you guys so much." "Oh, come over tonight!" "We're looking at wedding pictures." "Ooh!" "There's this one picture of me right after I got sick off my... third champagne and Red Bull, and my hair is kind of like sexy-messy, and the photographer said he could airbrush all of the puke off my dress." "Already made doubles." "You rock!" "So, is J.D. gonna be there tonight?" "Can't you come over anyway?" "Um..." "Hey!" "Do you guys mind if I eat with you?" "'Cause I don't wanna sit alone and sing to my food like a crazy person." "Oh, my gosh!" "I do that!" "No way!" "Mostly pop songs." "You know, unless I'm eating soul food." "Where's your food?" "Oh, shoot." "Look, Elliot, we'll do something later this week, just the two of us." "Okay." "Ahh." "Oh, that is not my food." "But I'm not getting up again." "Oh, I wouldn't." "Chicken salaaaad!" "Oh, yeeah." "Looks good." "I gotta go." "See ya." "It's so strange feeling all alone when like a month ago I was part of this really tight group, you know?" "Yeah." "I had tons of friends at my old hospital." "I gotta meet some new people." "Do you wanna, uh, get a cup of coffee tonight?" "Can't." "I'm hitting the internet hard and going on a friend hunt!" "Oh, chicken salaaad!" "You're tasty, you're food to be eaten, it's good!" "When you get back from surgery, Mrs. Grodberg, we'll play Scrabble again!" "And this time I'll beat you!" "Well, of course you'll beat her, son, she's having half her brain removed!" "Heh-heh!" "J.D. A little problem this morning with Malik." "Our car?" "Is it bad?" "Hey, Triple A?" "Look, I need a pick-up on the corner of Fourth and" "You know what?" "You'll see it." "Ah, Malik." "Lots of memories in that old car." "Of what?" "Driving, mostly." "Beep, beep." "Look, why don't we pool our money together and buy one of those nice cute little Mini Coopers?" "Baby, a Mini Cooper?" "And then the most amazing thing happened." "I'll tell you what, Turk." "Why don't you go pick out our car." "Carla let Turk make a decision!" "Okay!" "But, baby, you should know that it's not gonna be a Mini. 'Cause ain't nothing really mini about me!" "There isn't." "There isn't!" "Heh!" "Mr. Radford, if you keep turning down physical therapy, you're never gonna be strong enough to get out of this bed." "I'm tired." "I know you are, but I would love it if you'd at least try." ""And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that." "No, I won't do that. "" "Haunting." "Drink your juice, Mr. Blass." "Mr. Blass has Pick's disease, which is similar to presentation to multi-infarct dementia." "Mmm." "Anyhoo, he likes to sing when he gets up in the morning, and the weird thing is, Johnny, he actually captures the mood of the room." "Okay, you gotta take a stand on this "Johnny" thing before it becomes permanent." "You know what, it's "J.D." for "John Dorian," so John..." "look, you know what, Johnny's fine, it's cool." "What's wrong with you?" "Anyway, Johnny, I was noticing that you were having some trouble motivating your patient back in there, and I actually published a paper on motivation methodology in post-operative seniors, so, if you want, I could help." "What floor?" "Oh, my god, we're on an elevator." "You know, Molly, I appreciate the offer, but there's a very special doctor I use around here when I need help, and he'd be pretty pissed if I didn't come to him first." "Why, Mariska?" "Why do you insist on bothering me with these things?" "Please, you know you love it." "Now, come on, one more time for nostalgia's sake:" "You come see my patient, you teach me a lesson, and then the music plays, right?" "In my head, it sounds like this..." "Dr. Cox, can I borrow you for a minute?" "Borrow me?" "Dearheart, you'd be rescuing me." "Newbie, you're on your own." "Get used to it." "I'munna prove to you why my first year of marriage isn't gonna be as hard as yours was." "I think you're setting the bar a little low on that one, there, sweetcheeks." "Yeah, still, the point is I'm smarter than you." "In relationships?" "In everything." "Right!" "See, even though I make all the decisions, whenever I see Turk is getting upset," "I throw him a little decision that means nothing to me." "Like buying a new car as long as it's got four wheels and air conditioning, I'm hap py." "Check it, baby!" "Scooters!" "Hehhh." "Fantastic!" "He's a drinker!" "Clever." "Look, J.D., I think this is so unfair." "I mean, I never get to see Turk and Carla anymore." "It's like we got divorced and you get to keep the friends just because you live with them." "It just feels like you guys are part of some sort of gang or something." "Elliot, you're overreacting." "We're not some kind of gang, okay?" "Okay." "Wolverines, let's roll!" "That joyride around the hospital made me realize two things." "First, it's a bad idea to take a full bladder out on your hog." "Also, I had to draw upon all my medical experience to get Mr. Radford out of bed." "Mr. Radford, they're showing 'Cocoon' in the chapel!" "I'm not a big Guttenberg fan." "Well, you're the only one, 'cause people in the hall are going crazy!" "Akbar." "Akbar." "Akbar." "Oh, Johnny!" "Hey!" "Run away with me?" "I was just looking at Mr. Radford's chart." "Ahh, I know you're new here, but that's my patient's chart, and no one touches my patient's chart except for him." "Yes!" "I knew he couldn't stay away." "Hi, I'm Molly." "And I kinda tagged in here with the Mr. Radford thing, 'cause I" "Molly, Molly, Molly, you lost me at "hello. "" "Wow, no touchy." "Fair enough." "Uhh, Mr. Radford, do I understand you have pain issues but you don't want physical therapy?" "I just don't have it in me." "Here comes the magic." "He always gives me goosebumps." "Okay, then." "I sure hope you're comfortable in that bed, because you're gonna be in one just like it for the rest of your natural born life." "What the hell was that?" "That... was me talking to a patient who has thrown in the towel." "You can't save everyone, Newbie, so I suggest you start working with people who want your help." "That's what I will be doing." "Goosebumps?" "They're small." "And you can't see them." "Ahh, Mrs. Grodberg, "jizelbck" is not a word." "I'm still beating you!" "Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game." "I don't really care who wins!" "Half a brain, dammit!" "Goodnight, Giselle." "Dr. Cox." "I just want you to know I'm not ready to give up on Mr. Radford." "Do you want me to give you my "things I don't care about" speech again?" "Because, you know," "I've updated it to include all white guys who add -izzle to anything." "I agrizzle, my nizzle." "Go on home and get in bed, will ya." "I'm betting your friend Mr. Radford's already in his." "I'll see ya." "Well, sweetheart, you're here early." "Yeah, well, you know I didn't have any plans last night, so I went to bed at 8 and then I woke up at 4." "And then I realized that the sunrise just looks beautiful through the trees, and that my neighbor gets his paper in the nude... and that he needs to lose like 900 pounds." "In the future, the appropriate response is, "Yes, I am here early": it's called 'small talk', not 'my depressing life in thirty seconds'." "I am not, depressed, sir." "In fact, nothing is gonna get me down today!" ""All by myself." "Don't wanna be all by my-"" "Oh, shut up!" "Did you just tell my patient to shut up?" "'Cause that seems not very doctory." "No." "I mean, I said it like all those high school girls do in the mall, like, "Oh, shut up!"" "I should go." "Kick it, Mr. Blass." "Woohoo!" "Ring around the Janitor!" "Pocket full of" "You're funny." "Pocket full of what?" "...Zanitor." "Not a word!" "Why the giant X?" "Why the stupid face?" "Touché." "You know, I know you knocked that exit sign down." "Well then I'm sure I can expect an appropriate retaliatory response." "Maybe you could shoot me in the neck." "Sounds like fun, but no." "Our game is over, buddy." "Your residency's coming to a close and... that's it, nothing left to do but..." "What can I say, it's been... horrifying." "Thank you!" "Well, this is kinda cool!" "Hey, you know, maybe we could, like, be friends." "You like hunting' squirrels?" "I'd never tried it." "Easiest thing in the world - all you need are some walnuts... and a boxing glove!" "And the day just got better from there." "Mostly because Mr. Radford had the same "screw you, Dr. Cox" attitude that I had." "Good stuff, Mr. Radford!" "I'm proud of you!" "I hate you!" "Excuse me, doctor." "I dropped a nickel in that therapy whirlpool." "You think you could get it for me?" "Okay, but stand back." "These things can be pretty dangerous!" "Whoa." "Oh, boy." "Whooooaaaa!" "Agghhh!" "So, what, are they shooting some sort of Geeks of Sacred Heart calendar out here?" "Actually, no, I almost drowned diving for a nickel; but I'm sure you're more interested in conspiracy theories about gangs and friend stealing." "Peace out." "Hey!" "Why did you kick'a my scooter?" "Why?" "All you Americans are bullies!" "That is why the whole world hates you!" "Easy, Massimo." "It's okay, she's gonna fix it, just go inside and I'll meet you in my office." "He's not even Italian." "I'm sorry." "Look, um..." "You wouldn't understand." "No, I get it." "I mean, you're feeling lonely, you're feeling rejected." "I mean, most people around here won't talk to me, and even Johnny won't take my help." "Who's Johnny?" "You know, he's a resident, he's got like gelled-up hair, and he and his friends are in a motorcycle gang?" "I knew it!" "You know what, Elliot, you act like everyone's boxing you out, but you wouldn't even get a cup of coffee with me." "Peace out, baby." "Why is everybody saying that?" "Great news, baby." "I just picked your grandparents up from the airport!" "Hang on, Nana!" "Hang on, Grampa!" "Not only did I get them home, I lost six pounds!" "Ha ha!" "Gimme those stupid keys!" "Mm-mm." "OH!" "That's what I think of your scooters!" "No more bugs in my teeth!" "No more helmet head!" "No more making deals with God every time a truck passes me on the freeway, okay?" "It's over!" "That's it!" "What the hell just happened?" "You got married, Turkleton." "That, my friends, is Mr. Radford getting out of bed." "And that's Mr. Radford falling back into bed." "But still, enough to rub it in Dr. Cox's face." "That is so great!" "But I wouldn't do that unless you want him to rub your face in it." "Did you not see what just happened, or do you not get face rubbing?" "Because it's more than just a bizarro way to memorize people's names." "Johnny, I mean what Dr. Cox did was classic reverse psychology." "And so is this:" "Behavioral modification can sometimes be brought about through classic conditioning." "Reverse psychology?" "Nothing?" "'Cause that really kills at the psychiatric conferences." "I must go to one of those." "Look, isn't it possible that Dr. Cox tricked you as a motivational ploy?" "Hmm, no." "After he said there was no hope with Mr. Radford, didn't you both work harder?" "Nnoo!" "You're like a crazy person!" "Look, I'll tell you something else." "I mean, Dr. Cox is a text-book closed-off alpha male." "I mean, you can try forever, but you're never gonna get that hug that you really want." "Uh, excuse me, I'm not a child." "I'm a doctor." "And I'll get that hug!" "Hey!" "Watch it!" "Oh!" "Hot!" "Ah!" "Ahh!" "I, um... brought you coffee." "Oh, it's burning, it's like fire!" "Ah!" "Baby, I know you don't wanna return the scooters." "Can't this wait till after my scooter club's fall foliage trip through Maine?" "No, Turk!" "Meeeeaaaan!" "Look!" "You're a husband now." "When you make decisions, you're supposed to think about what we need, not what you want!" "Well, it doesn't seem like you're doing that!" "You gave away my clock!" "And you sold my chairs." "And what the hell is up with these ridiculously tiny bowls!" "?" "They're sake cups, Jethro!" "I knew that..." "Everything I do, Turk, I do it for us!" "Oh, yeah?" "Then why does Rowdy smell like daisies?" "'Cause I had him filled with potpourri." "You can keep the scooters." "That's what I'm talkin' 'bout." "Marriage is gonna be tricky." "Yeah." "Thanks." "How are your thighs?" "They're very hot and pink." "Do you want me to rub ointment on them?" "It's okay." "Weird." "Ka-pow!" "Look at that." "I knew I smelled that odd combination of fear and baby powder." "How does he know about my belly rash?" "Look, Dr. Cox, I know you were using reverse psychology with Mr. Radford." "You do, do you?" "Yes." "And I figured it out all by myself, without anyone helping me or explaining it directly in my face or anything." "Well, nubile one, your last lesson and you didn't even need it." "Three years and it's finally over." "I know what you want, I do." "Come here." "Oh, my God, it's finally happening!" "Don't miss a moment!" "Take it all in!" "Good God, Fantasia." "You don't actually think I'm done teaching you, do you?" "D'you not understand the only difference between today and tomorrow is that you wake up tomorrow and start coming in here and killing people, that no one can say, "It's no big deal, he's just a resident. "" "Instead, what they're damn sure gonna be wondering is who tried to educate your sorry ass." "And when that finger of blame starts pointing in my direction, I had damn sure better be in a coma from the anger stroke I suffered from the last time you tried to hug me." "Oh, and, uh, don't be late tomorrow..." "Doctor." "Whether or not you survive in a hospital is all about how you handle your relationships." ""All by myself / Don't wanna be... "" "Whether it's a brand new one..." ""... all by myself!"" "...or an old one you need to figure out all over again." "Oh, my God!" "I can't believe you did this!" "It's even minier than I imagined!" "But what about you?" "Ah, baby, don't worry about it, I got it covered." "Check it out." "As for me, it was my relationships that got me through my residency." "Bull's eye!" "We're not done with our thing yet, are we." "No." "For you, it's all just beginning." "The weird thing is, he was right."