"We're in trouble." "Daddy's watching Shenandoah." "No, not the one where Jimmy Stewart beats all odds to preserve his family?" "When they crank up the theme song, Dad's gonna blow like a geyser." "Oh, we're doomed." "He's gonna wanna spend time with us now." "Come on, kids." "God, that movie makes you think." "Family meeting." "Family, there comes a time in the life of every man..." "Can we just skip through the speech, Al and get to the punishment that you will inflict on us for being your family?" "What is it this time, honey?" "You gonna get out the horseshoe set?" "Boys-against-the-girls bocce?" "Oh, no, Al not the boo-hoo with you-know-who at the zoo." "No, Peg, because we're no longer allowed in the zoo thanks to young Mr. Bundy, who answered the question:" "What happens when you feed a panda Pop Rocks?" "At least I have a little intellectual curiosity." "I wasn't pointing at the leopard yelling:" ""How many animals died for that coat?"" "Well, at least I didn't pull my pants down and moon the monkeys." "Well, at least I didn't turn her in." "Well, at least I didn't ask the girl chimp to my prom." " Hey, now that was a hot chimp!" " That's sick." "That's sick!" "Now, kids, hold it." "Hey." "Now, I think we're missing the point of Shenandoah." "Families are meant to be together." " Well, we don't wanna be together." " You have no choice." "I dedicate today as Bundy Sunday Fun Day." "And so it ends." "Now, here's the plan." "We're going to take a Sunday drive." "In the Dodge?" "Just for that, you ride in the back seat with your mother." "Now, anyone else have any problems with the Dodge?" "And I'm not going to tell you now, but I have a special surprise in mind." "You got a bumper sticker that says "My Other Car Is My Feet"?" "You used your finger to make a cool racing stripe in the dirt on the side of the car?" "You got a new eight-track of "Hotel California"?" "We can crank it as we're towed down the freeway?" "Don't make me kill you on Family Day." " I say we all put on our finest clothes..." " We're in them." "...pack ourselves some vittles..." " We have none." "...and pile in the car for a day of fun a day of family, a day of love." "Sixty-four bottles of beer on the wall Sixty-four bottles of beer" "If one of them bottles..." "You stink, Al." " Why isn't Kelly pushing?" " Drop dead, you little doody." "Shut up, the lot of you." "Now, this is Bundy Sunday Fun Day." "I'll not have you ruin it for me." "Pumpkin, put the car in park, honey." "Oh, I already did that before you started pushing." "Al, stop it." "All right, all right." "I'm fine." " AI!" " I wanna kill you for this!" "Come on, Al." "Look, when this car ran out of gas, you promised that if we helped you push you'd let us in on this big surprise that you have for us." "So, what is it, Al?" "Tell us." "Are you dying?" "No." "But if you were the least bit observant, you'd see what the surprise is." "Oh, my God." "I see it." "I see it." "Oh, Al, can this be true?" "Tis." "After years of living like paupers the Bundys are gonna do what the Rockefellers are doing:" "We're gonna get our gas today from the full-serve pump." "You see?" "Oh, Al." "I feel like a princess." "Who's the king of surprises?" " Daddy!" " You betcha." "Who wants to be the one to honk the horn to summon the attendant?" " I do." "I wanna do it." " I do." "Come on, Dad, I wanna do it." "All right, now, now, how does a father choose?" "Let the boy do it." "Al, isn't that a little obnoxious?" "Peg, we're paying 25 cents extra for a gallon." "He'll take it and like it." "Come on, you rummy." "Fully serve us." " What can I do for you, folks?" " We'll have $2 worth of regular." "Will there be anything else, sir?" "Yes, there will be." "Check under the hood." "Peg, look at that." "It's the first time I told somebody to do something and he's doing it." "Yes, honey." "It's also the first time you've had $2." "You're down 4 quarts of oil." "Want me to put it in?" "Hey, how many paychecks do you think I get in a week, buddy?" "No, no, just check something else." "Well, your engine block is cracked and you got a pair of nylons for a fan belt." "Those are my good black ones." "Hey, what do you wanna do, you wanna look good walking or look good riding?" "Hey, Dad, can I order the geek around too?" "Hey, marry your own." "No, I was talking about the gas jockey, Dad." "Bud, I said it was Bundy Family Day, didn't I?" "Of course you can." "Okay, goober." "Check the tires, there might be a nickel in it for you." "Son, son, son." "I don't have a nickel." "Yeah, you're pretty low, sir." "You want some air?" "Oh, no, thanks." "We'll just breathe the stuff that's around." "Oh, Al, you've made this such a great day for us all." "Yeah, Daddy." "Thank you." "Hey, Mom, look, look." "There's a lady putting gas in her own car." "She can't hear us laughing from here." "Let's go there." "Okay." "Go ahead, lady." "Save 25 cents." "You know, Joe, what really makes me mad?" " What, having a car this colour?" " No." "No." "It's all those damn Japanese imports." "After seeing a bunch of those clunkers, you don't mind putting elbow grease on one of these fine American products, huh?" "That's why I always got me a bunch of fine American bumper stickers to show where I'm coming from." "Yep." "It takes a good American bumper sticker to hold in a headlight, eh, Joe?" "Yeah, they sure build them, don't they?" "This roof must be strong to hold up under the weight of all that bird doody." "If there's no free services left, I guess I'll be on my way." " What's the damage?" " Two dollars." "Alrighty." "Here's 1." "And there's 1.10, 1.20, 1.21 two dollars." "Gee, Joe, I don't see that smile they advertise that comes with full service." "Al, the guy inside wants $12 for all this stuff." "I don't have $12." "Gee, kids, look how handsome Daddy Habib looks in his uniform." "You continue to make us proud, honey." "Why'd you do it, Peg?" "Why'd you eat me into debt?" "Well, it's your own fault, Al." "You take us into full-serve, tell us to think like Rockefellers of course we're gonna go for the Ho Hos and the Slim Jims." "Don't worry, Daddy." "We're gonna go home now and raise the money to get you out of this financial fox paws." "Right." "We'll have you home cursing the day you were born in no time." "Yes, please hurry." "For as Jimmy Stewart said in that great classic, Shenandoah..." "Wow, they must really love you as fast as they headed off." "If they really loved me, they'd be heading in the direction of my house." "Well, Bundy, we're coming up on our really busy time of day, so I..." "Hey, Joe, I stole my father's car." "Wanna go to the beach?" "So I'm going to the beach." "Well, I don't feel ashamed." "I mean, I am a shoe salesman and I did have my family out in public." "Thank God this station's not in my neighbourhood." "I mean, the chances of me seeing anyone I know are about..." "Hi, Al." "They're about certain." "See, I told you it was him." "I could see where you would think it was an orangutan but I knew I recognized that bald spot when I spotted it from the freeway." "You know, Jefferson, good for you." "You decided to take the Miller boy camping, huh?" "Where's the woman?" "Out shopping for some more of those lacy T-shirts that so drive the men crazy?" "I'll have you know, Al, that I happen to like tiny bazooms." "Oh, I had plenty of women before Marcie and I swear, you get tired of big, succulent breasts." "Besides, I don't want a bunch of guys staring at my wife." "I mean, that's the good thing about Marcie." "No guy ever..." "That's quite enough, honey bunch." "Well, Al here's something I bet you haven't heard from a woman in a long time:" "Fill her up." "Or do I have to confirm the rumours and tell you where to put the nozzle?" "Well, Marcie, no need to... at me." "We'll fill you up and you can be on the highway blinding truckers in about a minute." "There you go." " That'll be 12 bucks." " He didn't put any gas in, dear." "Then I'm gonna have to tell your superior." "Jefferson, find me anyone." "Guess you people are wondering what a man of my position is doing working in a gas station?" "I do it to remind me of where I've come from." "Couldn't pay for your own gas, could you?" "No." "Give me 12 bucks." "Oh, Al, if all it will take is $12 for you to regain your self-respect and get out of this demeaning position then ask someone who cares." "See you later, Al." "Sorry." "Oh, Mother Macree!" "Well, hello there, Habib." "Well, family, what is the proper way to say hello to a friend from the other hemisphere?" "May the prophet smile upon you, Habib." "He already has with this fine job and the blood that flows in my shoe." "How may this unworthy one serve you?" "Check under the hood." "And I say that not to demean you but to ensure the safety of my family." " Oh, I love you, Jim." " I love you, Betty." " I love you all." " Oh, thank you, Jim Jr." " I love you, father." " Oh, thank you, Betty Jr." "Now, family, I have a big surprise for you." "That you've pulled in to full-serve?" "No, son." "What kind of a dad would just do that?" "No." "We're going on a picnic." "Well, what better way to celebrate another Lundy Sunday Fun Day?" " Oh, thanks!" " Great!" " I love you, Jim." " I love you too, Betty." "Yeah." "And the kids love you too." "Now, that'll be 5 bucks." "Well, there you go." " Should we give the man a tip, Jim?" " Nope." "I told you we should have taken my car." "Your car?" "Since when did you ever pay for anything?" " Leave Mom alone." " Drop dead, the lot of you." "Take my advice, buddy." "You probably got a lot of women pressuring you into marrying them." "But don't do it." "Marriage leads to everything bad in life:" "Work, kids, Habib shirts." "You understand what I mean?" "Tell your friends." "What, is my foot invisible?" "How can you miss it?" "It's swollen to three times its normal size." "Al, don't even say a word." "I've had a terrible day." "Peg, you've been gone seven hours." "Don't tell me you couldn't raise $12." "Al, you have a job and you can't raise $12 in seven hours." "Do you wanna hear about my day or what?" "I'm sorry." "Do go on." "Well, we went back to the house to look for the money but Mom called." "She was a little down." "She got on a scale today and it said she weighed 380." "She's been 374 since high school, and she's afraid..." "She's afraid she's getting fat." "Don't worry, Peg, she probably had 6 pounds of food stuck in her teeth." "When I think of how that woman loves you." " Thank God she can't hear you." " Thank God she can't eat me." "Can we get to the money part of the story?" "God, you're so impatient." "Anyway, I found $20 in the pocket of one of your old shirts." "The shirt that I wanted to wear but you couldn't find?" "Yeah." "Maybe I learned a lesson." "I should probably look when I said I did." "On the way over here, your car ran out of gas." " Too bad." "Give me the money." " We don't have any money." " Well, you said you had $20." " Well, we did, before the taxi." "What taxi?" "Well, the taxi we called when your car ran out of gas." "It's two blocks away." "He's there with the meter running so stop dilly-dallying and fill this can up." "Why should I, what's wrong with you?" "We walked in to full-serve." "Now where's that full-serve smile?" "Daddy, is Bundy Sunday Fun Day officially over?" "Yes, pumpkin." "I'm afraid that it is." "But don't worry." "See, next week we're gonna drive up to the woods and we're going hunting." "See, I'll be the only one carrying the rifle and you kids can run out there and flush out the game." "We'll call it Bundy Sunday Gun Day." " Oh, boy." " Indeed." "That'll be 2 bucks, Peg." "Get it from my husband." "He's a wealthy shoe salesman." "Not you." "Now, they're women, I expect that from them." "But you I expected a little more loyalty from you." "I tried to talk some sense into the women." " I tried to make them hurry." " Well, what happened?" "The sandman got me, Dad." "You know I get all sleepy when I take a ride in the car." "I napped all the way to the beach." "The house." "Life is rough for you, isn't it, son?" "Don't worry, Dad." "Bud Bundy always lands on his feet." "Yeah." "We'll find out about that when I get home." "But I just wanna tell you one thing, son." "All I wanted to do was spend one day with my family." "Am I to be punished for this?" "Yes." "Because it's a stupid, moronic thing to waste your Sunday with your family." "Well, I paid for it." "But now it's time for someone else to pay for it." "Habib is dead." "Long live Habib." "The only way to save this, this final Bundy Sunday Fun Day is to watch my only son suffer as I have suffered." "The next car in here is yours." " Hi." " We're the Swedish bikini team." "We just love guys named Habib." "Sit in back and enjoy us as we ride down a bumpy road." " Bye, Dad." " Bye, Dad." "Hi." "We're the Chicago bowling team." "We're looking for guys named Al." "We love guys named Al." "Let's boogie."