"[ Indistinct voices ]" "Dave:" "Three minutes to VTR." "Kim:" "Two minutes live." "Stand by 1, 2, 2A and 5." "Loading F /X-5." "Preview Denver." "Let me talk to Katie in South Bend." "" " Sound two's standing." "" " Denver's up." "You've got Katie." "" " Jer emy..." "" " Yeah?" "Do you have a shot sheet f or Phoenix?" "Should be in ther e." "" " It's not." "" " Hang on." "90 seconds to VTR." "" " I don't have a shot sheet." "" " Hang on." "Natalie:" "Jeremy..." "Could not see the Phoenix game, could not tell you about it" " without I have a shot sheet." "Natalie:" "Jeremy's on it." "Corbin!" "Who's seen Corbin Davis?" "Nobody." "Who's seen the Phoenix game?" "Nobody." "Thank you f or your help." "It's not like I couldn't do it without the shot sheet." "" " Please don't start." "Casey..." "" " I have video right in f ront of me." " lt'd be the same as calling play-by-play." "" " Dude." "" " I could do it." "" " No, you can't." "" " I got nervous that time." "" " Yes, you did." "60 seconds to VTR." "Kim:" "Two minutes live." "Two sacks, my little brother got tonight." "" " Wher e's Philly?" "" " Sacked the quarterback on "Monday Night Football" not once, but twice." "Chris:" "Philly's up." "" " That's Whitaker blood." "" " Good blood." "" " Ex cellent blood -- made grown off ensive linemen cry like they wer e little girls." "Can I see Tampa and Minneapolis?" "Elliot..." "" " Stand ther e." "I'm gonna sack you." "" " What?" "I just want to show you how he does it." "" " Natalie..." "" " Dana, you can sack Elliot later." "" " Tampa's up." " 30 seconds to VTR." "[ Heavy-metal music plays ]" "" " Wher e's the shot sheet on Phoenix?" "" " Hey, Jer emy." "" " Wher e's the shot sheet?" "Wher e is it?" "" " Chill, Jeremy." "Phoenix?" "" " Yeah." "" " H-Hockey?" "[ Music turns off ] Guys, we watch sports around her e." "[ Door hinges cr eak ]" "" " Roll VTR." "Kim: 60 seconds live." "I look right down ther e at my highlight, call it, no shot sheet -- like the days of old, my f riend," " like the men of yor e." "" " You can't do it." "" " Why not?" "" " No other reason than because it's you." "" " What of the days of old and the men of yor e?" "" " I miss them, too." "We can slide Phoenix back to the 50s," "I can superspeed the game tape through and get it to you in the 4 block." "Ar e you telling me it's not that we can't find the shot sheet, it's that nobody did the shot sheet?" "" " Slide it back to 50." "" " Tell Dana." "" " Yeah, I'm looking f orward to that." "" " Shot sheets ar e f or wimps." "Fix your tie." "Dana?" "Hang on." "Casey, what do you know about Ohio?" "Nothing." "What's going on?" "Something about f ootball and drugs." "That's pr etty unusual." "Come in early tomorrow and work the phones." "Absolutely, 'cause you know why?" "'Cause ther e's nothing like a good story about prof essional athletes and illegal drugs to r eally captur e my attention." "" " Just do it, Casey." "" " Couldn't we just use an old story and fill in the names?" "" " Casey..." "" " Or would that be unethical?" "Jeremy:" "Dana?" "" " Yes, sir?" "" " I need to slide Phoenix down to the 50s." "Stand ther e." "I'm gonna sack you." "Okay, I need just another moment of your time." "Then you can go back to being crazy." "What's going on?" "" " I'm not crazy." "" " I'm gonna put together a shot sheet." "" " Jeremy?" "" " Just say yes, Natalie." "" " You'r e firing him tomorrow." "" " Can we talk about it tomorrow?" "We can talk about it tomorrow, you can plead your case tomorrow." "I will tell you f or the 100th time why you'r e wrong tomorrow, and then you will fir e him tomorrow." "I can't tell you how much I'm looking f orward to tomorrow." "" " My brother got two sacks tonight." "" " I saw." "" " Tackled the quarterback..." "twice." "" " I know what the word "sack" means." "" " He did it two times." "" " And I know what the word "twice" means." "" " He has ex cellent blood." "" " Whatever." "Casey, you got we'r e sliding Phoenix to 50?" "I can call it blind." "All:" "No!" "No appr eciation f or the days of yor e." "Dave:" "In 3...2..." "Good evening." "From New York City," "I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall." "Those stories, plus..." "Dana:" "Let me sack you." "Natalie:" "No." "My brother can beat up your brother." "My brother's a grad student in comparative literatur e." "My mother could beat up my brother." "" " Hey." "" " What do you have?" "Jack Coughlin's wif e was brought in f or questioning two days ago when a pharmacy alerted local authorities in Columbus, Ohio, to an unusually large number of pr escriptions being written in her name f or a drug called phentermine -- anybody know what it is?" "" " The "Phen" in Fen-Phen " " That's right." "It's a diet pill." "Is Mrs. Coughlin overweight?" " 5'8", 114 pounds." "" " Makes me crazy." "Coughlin rolled over on the internist who's writing the scrips." "And he turned in the players she was getting them f or." "Yeah, he was a tough nut to crack." "The thing is, turns out it's not just diet pills." "It's Pednasone." "Oh, man." "" " What's Pednasone?" "" " Jer emy?" "It's been around about a year and a half, the trade name is Pednasone-50, and it's andracycline, and it's one of the world's most powerf ul oral anabolic steroids." "I have an off-the-r ecord source backed up by a second off-the-r ecord source that says seven starters f rom one team ar e about to get suspended f rom f ootball f or the r est of the season, including the playoff s." "" " Can we have it by tonight?" "" " I'm on the next plane to Ohio." "" " Get a fill-in f or Casey tonight." "" " Get Tina." "" " Why Tina?" "" " Why not Tina?" "" " She's a woman." "" " I like women." "" " No kidding." "" " Tina's fine." "I'm outta her e." "" " Have a good flight." "" " Thanks." "By the way, last night -- " " Yeah?" " could have called that highlight blind." "All:" "Go." "I'm just saying." "Dana:" "Anything else?" "All:" "No." "Natalie:" "Back in two hours." "" " Oh, Jerome!" "" " Why do you call me that?" "Because it's your little-boy name -- little boy too scar ed to fir e one of his people." "" " Oh, you think I'm scar ed -- " " Scar ed chicken." "" " Natalie..." "" " How many times does he have to scr ew up bef or e you'll show him the door?" "" " It's a hard job." "" " Then let's get somebody who can do it." "" " This isn't a r egular situation." "" " Yes, it is." "" " He's r elated -- " " I know who he is." "" " Natalie -- " " I know who he is, and I'm telling you, he's not up to the job, on top of which, he has a bad attitude." "" " Now go show him the door." "" " You've taken to bossing me around a lot." "" " You know that?" "" " Yes." "You know why?" " 'Cause you'r e my boss?" "" " Bull's-eye, Jerome." "" " Have a nice day." "" " I almost always do." "[ Exhales deeply ]" "Dan." "Yeah?" "I'm kind of f eeling like these sessions ar e a waste of your time and money." "That's being a little hard on yourself, don't you think?" "No, I'm being a little hard on you, Dan." "Well, I don't f eel like my time is being wasted." "Okay." "Though you do charge an awf ul lot of money." "" " Yes, I do." "" " I pay you $700 a month." "" " Yes, I know." "" " For 700 bucks a month," "I should get the shrink, two rooms, and a bath." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Clears throat ]" "Is it important to you that you get every attractive woman you meet to like you?" "Mnh-mnh." "It's important that" "I get the unattractive ones to like me, too." "Why?" "" " Why?" "" " Yes." "" " Why do I want people to like me?" "" " Yes." "Don't you want people to like you?" "Sur e." "So?" "So I'm a likable person, and I assume people ar e gonna like me, and many of them do." "What about the ones who don't?" "" " I don't r eally think too much about that." "" " Why not?" "'Cause many of them do." "" " I think it's easy f or you to say that." "" " Why?" "" " Why?" "" " Yes." "Because you look the way you do." "You think if you wer e better-looking, you wouldn't have to work so hard getting women to like you?" "" " No." "" " You think you'r e good-looking?" "" " Can we talk about something else?" "" " We only have a f ew minutes left." "Let's try and get some work done." "Do you think you'r e good-looking?" "" " I think I'm all right." "" " Of course you do." "You can't get over how good-looking you ar e." "So... this thing must come f rom someplace inside of you, something so f undamentally bad that you f eel it must either be overcome or cover ed up, lest the entir e world run away f rom you," "not unlike two other people you know." "Have you noticed how you always come back to my par ents at the end of each session?" "Well, the session's over." "What was the point of this?" "In the long run, to r elieve you of the pr essur e of getting people to like you." "In the short run, to tell you this -- " " What?" "" " Stop trying to get me to like you." "" " I haven't been -- " " You've been flirting with me." "And I want you to take this seriously." "I do take this seriously." "Okay." "I wasn't flirting." "Okay." "I'm a charming guy, Abby." "It's not something I can control." "Tell me about it." "You know what I think?" "Next week." "I think we could end this whole thing right now." "" " If I just did what?" "" " Told me that you liked me." "" " I know." "" " I'd be cured right away, next case." "Not gonna happen." "[ Sighs deeply ] I r emind you that it is my money." "And I want you to bear in mind that you'r e the patient, I'm the doctor, and you'r e in pain." "I have no trouble r emembering that last part." "I'll see you next week." "Watch me on television tonight." "Why?" "You'll like me." "" " See ya." "" " That was a joke." "" " You know what?" "" " What?" "It wasn't." "[ Door closes ]" "[ Indistinct voices ]" "" " Kim..." "" " Yeah?" "I kind of wanted to put you on alert." "What do you mean?" "You know how ordinarily I flirt with you during the show?" "Yeah." "" " I won't be doing that." "" " Okay." "" " It's not that I don't like you." "" " Okay." "Even mor e important, it's not that I don't want you to like me." "I do like you." "All right." "Well... keep it up." "Okay." "" " Alyson..." "" " Yeah?" "I won't be flirting with you tonight." "You shouldn't be alarmed." "It's just something that I'm trying." "It's gonna be hard, but I think it's important." "Okay." "So her e I go." "Kim:" "Five minutes to air." "First team to the studio, please." "Five minutes." "He just got off the plane." "He's on his way in f rom La Guardia." "I'm saying, why doesn't he have the names?" "They'r e gonna be f ax ed to him when he gets her e." "" " Tina's all set?" "" " She's in hair." "Let's see if we can get this thing on the air tonight." "We will." "" " Oh, Jocelyn." "" " Please stop that." "" " I'm assuming you fir ed him." "" " You know what?" "" " What?" "" " He's J.J.'s cousin, so why don't we give him -- " " Jer emy, I know he's J.J.'s cousin." "" " And?" "" " I could honestly give a damn." "" " Is it necessary to go out of your way" " to pick fights with the network?" "" " No." "Is it necessary to go out of your way to kiss their ass?" "That's not what I'm doing." "" " Jer emy..." "" " No, I mean it." "This is their network, Natalie." "We have to work with these people." "And the special delight that you and Dana take in -- " " You don't know what you'r e talking about." "" " I do know what I'm talking about." "They keep us on the air when our ratings don't support it, and their paychecks don't bounce." "I consider neither of those to be magnanimous gestur es worthy -- " " I didn't -- -- worthy of keeping somebody on who very nearly cost us the show last night." "Cost us the show?" "It was a hockey game." "He scr ewed up." "It wasn't the first time." "His attitude sucks, and I don't car e if his cousin's Thomas Edison." "Get him outta her e." "" " I'll do it during the first C-br eak." "" " Thank you." "Dana, stop sacking Dave." "See, you keep your center of gravity low and your f eet moving." "Dana..." "" " Can I sit down?" " [ Panting ] Okay." "10 seconds live." "Stand by 5." "Loading 5, F /X 1, 2, and 2A." "What?" "I'm gonna do it in the commercial." "Dave:" "In 3...2..." "Good evening." "From New York City," "I'm Dan Rydell alongside Tina Lake" "Sitting in for Casey McCall." "Those stories, plus "Hello, Dolly!"" "As the Heisman race heats up..." "And "Goodbye, Columbus"" "as the Buckeyes take a beating." "All that coming up after this." "You'r e experiencing "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around." "Dave:" "We're out." "2:20 back." "[ Telephone ringing ]" "[ Sighs ]" "That was nice." " "Experiencing"?" "" " Yeah." "You didn't mind that I changed it?" "No." "I'm just trying to plant my flag." "Listen..." "Yeah." "I'm not gonna flirt with you tonight." "" " Really?" "" " Yeah." "Okay." "" " Ordinarily, I'd flirt with you." "" " I like it." "I appr eciate that, but tonight it's not gonna happen that much, and I didn't want you to get the wrong idea." "That you don't like me?" "Not so much that as that I don't want you to like me." "" " I do like you." "" " I appr eciate it." "l-I like you, too." "Ar e you okay?" "Not even close." "[ Indistinct shouting on TV ]" "" " Corbin..." "" " Hey." "" " You got a second?" "" " Yeah." "[ Clears throat ]" "Listen, her e's the thing." "You've been f ailing down on the job." "Everybody scr ews up a little at first, but I get the f eeling you don't even want this job." "I don't." "Why ar e you her e?" "Um, it puts pizza money in my pocket till I get out of school." "Well, that notwithstanding," "I'm supposed to fir e you right now, but I'm not." "Thanks." "I want you to try harder, though." "I'll smooth things over with Natalie." "Hey, I'm on the team." "Good." "And I don't take sides." "What do you mean?" "l-I mean when J.J. says stuff about you guys," "I don't, you know, I don't come back with stuff." "What kind of stuff?" "Uh, the usual stuff." "l-I don't know what that is." "Don't worry about it." "Okay." "" " Take it easy." "" " You'll work harder?" "Hey, I blew the thing last night, all right?" "Enough is enough." "All right." "Tina: ...pass f rom teammate John Picasso and splits the defenders, leaving goalie..." "" " Hey, I'm back." "" " When ar e you gonna get the names?" "Uh, any minute." "I'm gonna go stake out the f ax machine right now." "Whoa, whoa!" "Give 'em up!" "They only gave you one?" "Thank you." "Honey roasted peanuts." "" " You can buy 'em in the stor e, you know." "" " This is better." "" " Hi." "" " Did you do it?" "Do you have a second?" "Do I have a second?" "Yes." "Don't eat the peanuts." "Stand by 22." "[ Clears throat ]" "Did you do it?" "" " Did I fir e him?" "Yes." "" " Yes." "" " I did it." "" " Good." "Yes." "But not r eally." "Put a pair of tights and a party dr ess on you, you'r e one pr etty little girl." "As a matter of f act, you'r e wrong." "As a matter of f act, I happen to be the only person her e who isn't acting emotionally." "I'm the one who's saying, "Yes," ""they'r e bullies, and we've never gotten along." ""And the lines wer e drawn long bef or e I got her e." ""But f or the sake of self-pr eservation, why not try to make it work?"" "I'm throwing them one." "I'm saying, let's let this one thing not be a hassle." "[ Sighs ]" "What did he say when you talked to him?" "" " He said he'd try harder." "" " Did he?" "" " Yes." "" " Really?" "Those wer en't his exact words." "" " What wer e his exact wor-- -- "Get off my back."" "That's not me saying that." "I'm saying those wer e his exact words." "He's your r esponsibility, Jer emy." "Do what you want." "He scr ews up again, it's my r esponsibility." "Got it." "" " Jer emy?" "" " Yep?" "Being emotional about their work never killed anybody." "" " My point was -- " " I know what your point was." "I'm loyal to Isaac, I'm loyal to Dana, and I'm loyal to the show." "And I am, too." "Good." "Tina:" "And we'll be bringing you all of the action live f rom Watkins Glen International Motor Speedway this Saturday at 1:00, 10:00 Pacific." "Don't go away." "Tina and I've got lots mor e coming up, including news f rom the Indiana Pacers." "You'r e watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around." "Dave:" "We're out." "Kim: 2 minutes back." "It's going well." "Yeah." "You don't think it's going well?" "I do." "Really?" "Yeah." "Danny " "I think it's going very well, but rather than..." "[ Inhales deeply ] you know, banter with you about it," "I'll just leave it at that." "Dan, it's -- it's not like if you chat with me," "I'm gonna go home with you." "Why not?" "" " What?" "" " Never mind." "Dan, you'r e having a bad night." "Yeah." "But could we just chalk it up to that and not, you know, come to some general conclusion about me as a r esult of it?" "I hardly ever understand what you'r e saying." "I've gotten that bef or e." "Try and keep it together, huh?" "Sur e." "[ Exhales deeply ]" "She's doing well." "Yes." "What's wrong?" "She thinks I'm crazy." "" " You ar e crazy." "" " You'r e not helping." "I wasn't trying to." "Abby thinks my flirting is unhealthy." "Who's Abby?" "" " My therapist." "Ar e you paying attention?" "" " No." "The thing is, she may have a point." "Who?" "Abby." "" " Danny..." "" " Yeah?" "" " You'r e not flirting with me right now, right?" "" " No." "" " Good." "" " I'm saying that   'Cause that'd just be strange." "" " I know." "Not that I wouldn't be flatter ed..." "" " Sur e." " but it'd still be weird." "" " I hear ya." "" " Though I'll say this -- you ar e a handsome young man, Danny." "Will you stop it?" "[ Laughs ]" "What exactly is your problem?" "I'd like to, you know, get my r eputation back with Tina as a f un and desirable person." "" " I bet that's gonna go well." "" " You think so?" "Oh, yeah." "Hey." "Hey, Jeremy." "You know, our show's actually on right now." "" " Uh, we just switched it f or a second." "" " I stuck up for you." "Everything's cool." "I just want to know you'r e r eally gonna make an eff ort." "" " I will." "" " I put myself on the line for you." "I'll tell that to J.J." "Tell whomever you want, but do a better job around her e." "Okay." "[ Indistinct shouting on TV ]" "What wer e the things he said?" "" " Who?" "" " J.J. -- about the show -- what wer e the things he's been saying?" "Stuff." "Does he talk badly about Isaac or Dana?" "Everyone, I guess." "Me?" "" " Come on, man." "" " Never mind." "Just get back to work." "Oh, he says Natalie's a nice piece of tail." "Everyone but Corbin, get out." "You'r e fir ed." "I'm firing you." "Tell J.J. I'm the one who did it." "[ Door opens ]" "[ Indistinct voices ]" "You know what'd make this a lot easier?" "What a lot easier?" "For me being alive right now." "What?" "If you'd just r eassur e me that you had a good time being her e tonight." "I'm being paid to be her e." "I know, but you'r e gonna tell your f riends that you liked it, right?" "" " My f riends?" "" " The girls." "Which girls?" "The girls in Danny's world of f antasy and psychosis." "Dan...[ Laughs ] you -- you need to get into therapy." "I'm in therapy." "You need mor e." "I'm not so sur e how much mor e I can take." "Dana:" "Dan?" "" " Yeah." "Casey's getting the f ax right now." "The story's gonna be up on the prompter." "Just fill in the names." "Is it ex clusive?" "The Ohio trip paid off." "[ Indistinct voices ]" "[ Telephones ringing ]" "[ Distant laughter ]" "Can I ask you something?" "" " Is it cr eepy?" "" " No." "Go ahead." "Don't you think my obsessive need to get you to like me has less to do with my par ents and mor e to do with the f act that...you look good?" "Or is that what you meant by "cr eepy"?" "Yeah." "I'm gonna stay over her e." "Thanks." "You got it!" "" " Yeah." "Listen -- " " Her e it is, Dan." "" " Dana, Dana..." "" " Hang on, hang on." "Um, "Tommy Reed..." ""Clifton White..." "Zachary Armstrong" " "Dana?" "Dana, that's only three." "I'm gonna call my par ents." "Go ahead." "Dana?" "It's her brother, Danny " "K yle Whitaker." ""Kyle Whitaker, Orlando Cortez," "Cor ey MacRane, Warr en Gr een."" "Hey, Mom, it's me." "[ Chuckles nervously ]" "Listen, turn off your television." "In 3...2..." "Welcome back." "We've got br eaking news." "Sources ar e r eporting to CSC that league officials are questioning seven players" "could lead to long-term suspensions" "The athletes are listed as suspects in an ongoing investigation into distribution of a controversial anabolic steroid called Pednasone-50, which is on the league list of banned substances." "The players' union today denied any knowledge of the inquiry, but added that they wer e monitoring the situation closely..." "On the next "Sports Night"..." "You know what?" "My brother just got busted by the league f or steroids." "It's not like you don't see this in sports all the time." "I don't see it in my f amily all the time." "" " I've looked at the tape." "" " You thought it was good?" "" " I liked it." "" " You lied to her." "" " Who turned you on to this stuff?" "" " It's not important." "What the hell kind of judge ar e you of what's important?" "My asking if you'r e edgy -- " " Yes?" " is it making you mor e edgy?" "[ Glass shatters ]" "That'll need to be fix ed."