"Some things in life just aren't fair." "This is one of them." "I suppose I could always call the police." "Or not." "I don't believe this." "Bedroom stripped, closet cleaned out." ""Kidnapped."" "A thief with a sense of humour." ""Dear Mac, if you ever want to see your fridge alive, meet me at the west end of the airport, hangar 13." "Come alone, or the fridge fries."" "Some folks might see the humour in something like this." "I don't happen to be one." "But I knew someone who would:" "Jack Dalton." "I hadn't seen Jack Dalton in almost five years." "He, Mike Forrester and I had been like the Three Musketeers." "After college, we traipsed all over Europe together." "You had to give Jack one thing:" "He knew how to have fun." "High-adventure, globe-trotting, no-holds-barred fun." "Tonight it started with looting my apartment." "And this very convenient open door told me it wasn't gonna stop there." "Jack Dalton." "Rogue, adventurer, liar, thief." "And there was living proof." "My hockey jersey." "It was starting to look to me like maybe Jack Dalton had a plan." "Well, so did I." "One might ask how I could be so sure this was the work of Jack Dalton." "Well, sometimes you just know." "Jack." "Come on, I know it's you." "My stuff." "Jack!" "MacGyver, I'm flattered." "You came." "I had a choice?" "Yo, Mac, where you going?" "You're not steamed, are you?" "Come on, it was a joke." "First, you're gonna come down here so I can punch you in the nose." "Then you're gonna load up all my stuff and take it back to my place." "You got that?" "AII right, I'm sorry." "If that's what you want, I'II put it all back." " Good." " Hey, Mac, please, don't go." "Where you going?" "Mac!" "I'm begging you." "Mac!" "Jack!" "You should see your face." "Priceless." "Oh, Mac, you haven't changed." "Not a bit." " Neither have you, Jack." " Yeah?" "Thanks." "It wasn't a compliment." "Hey, Mac, you gotta cut me down." "Mac!" "Mac, cut me down!" "Come on, MacGyver, my head's about to explode here." "I knew you wouldn't leave me hanging." "You can call me "amigo" anytime." "If there's ever anything I can do for you, just let me know, amigo." "Now, easy, easy." "Hey, watch my head!" "Just like the tocotines." "In Papantla." "Remember, Mac?" "When you and Mike and I were at the festival of Corpus Christi?" "always wanted to try that." " What a rush." " Jack, what do you want?" "Right to the point, huh?" "Good." "We can reminisce later." "I wanna talk." "I do have a phone." "At least I used to." "Yeah, but I couldn't be sure you'd come." "I need a favour." " You know how to butter a guy up." " Look, I got my own company now." "Jack Dalton, sole proprietor, FIy-by-Night air freight, at your service." "The official airline for slugs, scum and all manner of vermin." "Anyway, I was shall we say, transporting some very valuable orchids." "Shall we say smuggling?" "That's an ugly word, Mac." "But, hey, at 1,000 bucks a plant, I can live with it." "Anyway, you know me." "What do I know about orchids?" "Maybe how to spell it." "So I needed expert advice." "Botanists." "So where does the favour come in?" "A little rescue mission to save the botanists." " In Dinoto." " Dinoto?" "As in Central America, Dinoto?" " Yeah." "Come on, Mac." " Yeah." "We can take my plane, be there in no time." "Think about it." " Adventure." "Danger." "It'II be fun." " Jack!" "What have these botanists done?" "Americans are being snatched all over the world, Mac." "I mean, you know how it is with these crazies." "You're lying, Jack." "About what, I don't know, but you're hiding something." "That hurts me, Mac." "How can you say that?" "Your eye." "It still twitches when you're lying." "Look, I gotta do it, Mac." "It's my fault they're there." "Mac, please, a favour for a friend." "I'm begging you." "Why should I believe you?" "You've never been straight about anything in your whole life." "And whatever happened to that Iooking-out-for-number-one, cut-your-Iosses-and-get-out-quick Jack Dalton we all knew and loved?" " He's changed." " Yeah." "Wish I could believe that." "I'm dying, Mac." " What?" " I'm dying." "No joke?" "No joke." "And I just wanna do one thing right before I do." "AII I said, Mac, was there was a remote chance that there's an ounce of truth to his story." "That's all." "Our sources do tell us that there's an American botanist in the country." "So you're telling me some botanists are missing?" "Mac, what makes you think this isn't one of Jack's lies?" "I don't know, Pete." "I think he's telling the truth this time." "Just a feeling." "Well, I don't like it." "The whole thing creaks." "Makes me nervous." "Careful, Pete, you're on a diet." "You know how you like to eat when you're nervous." "Listen, Mac, you know there is no way the Foundation can get involved in this, but if there's anything that I can do unofficially, call me, will you?" "Thank you for using the telephone." "Your three minutes are up." "So, what's the deal?" "Papa Thornton say you can come out and play?" "Yeah." "Good." "Now we go to plane, kemosabe." "You follow." "I know I said I was gonna slug him." "But how do you hit a kid?" "Shouldn't we be using charts or something?" "Charts." "Shouldn't we be using charts?" "What's the name on the plane, Mac?" " FIy-by-Night." " Exactly." "Now, relax." "I know what I'm doing." " Charts?" " Strongbox." "Hey, you found the pictures." "Where was that one taken again?" "Martinique." "That was just before we went diving off the coral reef." "Oh, right." "That was the day we saw that shark feeding frenzy." "Remember?" "Remember?" "You started it." "That was the same day I cut my air hose on the coral." "You saved my Iife." "Hey, that's what buddies are for." "What else you got there?" "It's you, me and Mike in Barbados." "You, me and Mike in Singapore." "You, me and Mike in Fresno." " Those were good times." " Yep." "So you seen Mike any lately?" "You always were a Iittle warm for her form." "It's been about four years." "Besides, you were the one that was always proposing to her." "Yeah, and she'd have said yes if she didn't think it'd have broke your heart." "Boy, it'd be great to get together again, just the three of us." " One last great adventure." " Yeah." "How about you, Jack?" " You seen Mike lately?" " No." "Been a Iong time." "Long time." "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen." "We'd Iike to thank you for flying FIy-by-Night and welcome you to beautiful Dinoto, where the temperature is a balmy 83 degrees." "please extinguish all smoking materials and bring your seatbacks and tray tables to their full upright position for landing." "Something tells me this isn't the only airport in town." "Customs can be such a bother, old boy." "Here we go, hold on." "You know, I feel good about this." "I didn't wanna say anything last night, but I had my doubts you'd even come." "However, you're here, the sun's up, it's a new day, and all's well on God's green earth." "Yes, indeed." "We'II be in and out in no time with my botanists." "Does anyone know you went for help?" "Are you kidding?" "I slipped out of here like a thief in the night." "No way anybody knows I was gone." " You sure?" " Positive." "Capitán, capitán, I hear it." "Looks like you've been missed." "You wanna tell me what's going on?" "Oh, my mistake." "Private airstrip." " Jack, why are the police here?" " I could have sworn I told you." "Those are the guys we have to save the botanists from." "The police?" "!" "Take it easy, Mac." "I got a plan." "Jack, wouldn't you say we're running out of runway?" "You worry too much, Mac." "Sometimes you don't worry enough!" "Come on, faster!" "Let's get them!" "Hang on, Mac, I'm bringing her around." "What was that?" "Tricks of me trade, Mac, me boyo." "Tricks of me trade." "What are you doing?" "I'm gonna give them a burst of fresh air." "They're gaining on us." "Hang on." "We're turning again." "Beautiful!" "Mac, I gotta tell you, it brought tears to my eyes." "Beautiful." "Now, tell me you're not having just a Iittle bit of fun." "Crack shooting, Antunnez." "You got a bunch of real sharpshooters on your force." "Perhaps you'd Iike to test my marksmanship?" "That's not just my money winging its way out of here." "No, you and I are like a team, amigo." " I lose, you lose." " He will not leave without the girl." "We will get your plants." "And then we will kill Jack Dalton." "Jack, why are we going down?" "There's nothing but jungle around here." "I'm gonna put her down right there." "There?" "Where's "there"?" "I don't see a landing strip." "Neither do I, it's a cow pasture." "But sometimes sacrifices have to be made." "Hold on." "Hold on, now." "Little bump coming." "There we go, another nifty landing, Jack, my boy." "Smooth as a baby's bottom." "Pure as the driven snow." "Jack, would you mind telling me exactly what's going on?" "Exactly what's going on is a Iittle difficult." "But I'II give you a fair approximation." "I've got a place near here, a Iittle hideout of sorts." "I Iike to think of it as my summer home." "Your summer home." "Get much company?" "You're the first." " They hit our fuel tank." " Not to worry." "Someone has to." "Great job." "Put it on my bill." "I'II pay you later." "Let's get out of here now." "This place always kind of reminds me of a roach motel for airplanes." "They fly in, but they don't fly out." "Sort of like us." "So tell me, who's the happy cop with the gun?" "Antunnez." " Jack, what's the deal?" " Take a look." "Orchids?" "Phragmipedium besseae, actually." "Now, Jack, I could be wrong, but Antunnez does not strike me as a flower lover." "Wanna level with me?" "I'm kind of tired of being jerked around like a big dog on a short leash." "Let it never be said of Jack Dalton that he was unkind to animals." "Heroin?" "You're smuggling heroin?" "Of all the stupid, idiotic things, Jack" "I know!" "It's not my stuff!" "Mac, jeez." "For enough grease, Antunnez will look the other way." "He did for me, and he did for the guy whose heroin this is." "Name is Sonny." " How'd you end up with it?" " He stashed it in my plants." "Antunnez told him I'd fly it back to the States." "When I found out about it, I told them to take a hike." "That's when they grabbed Mi" " My botanist." " Botanist?" "I thought there was more than one." "Botanists." "Botanist." "Yeah, I can see how that could be confusing." "Anyway, they thought they could force my hand." "So you took their drugs, ran to me, thinking I'd bail you out." "You're the only real friend I got." "So why didn't you just tell me the whole story?" "Right, sure." "Drugs, blackmail, corrupt police." "Sounds like a bad TV show." " Wanna know how it ends?" " They all live happily ever after?" "With me walking out that door and going for help." "Oh, Mac, come on." "Mac." "Mac." "Mac, come on." "What about Mike?" "She'II be dead by the time you get the help we need." "Mike?" "Mike Forrester?" "The Mike in those pictures?" "Our Mike?" "I could have sworn I told you, Mike's my botanist." "I told you, I'm a botanist." "I don't know where your stuff is." "Okay, come on, babe." "This is getting real old, real fast." "We want our scag." "Okay, okay." "Look, I understand, you might not wanna deal with this dude here." "But me, hey, I'm an American." "Just the same as you." "You're nothing like me." "What kind of an American would buy off a cop?" "And let him kick monks out of their own monastery, all for money?" "A guy's gotta have some fun." "I've already told you," "I don't know where your drugs are." "And I don't know where Jack is." "I believe her, Sonny." "Finally." "But she has outlived her usefulness." "It ain't a total wipeout." "A pretty babe like her." "I'II bet she's good for something." "Yes, perhaps you're right." "My mother taught me never to strike a lady." "I never listened to my mother." "You told me you hadn't seen her in years." "I don't get you." "Why all these lies?" "AII you had to do was say that Mike was in trouble." "I'd have come here." "You'd have been mad and left me in L.A." "You don't think I'm mad now?" "!" "But, Mac, we're here together." "You and me." "We're gonna save Mike." "You know, I wonder if you're even dying, or was that a lie too?" "Sorry." "AII right, where are they keeping her?" "I'm not sure." "But don't worry." "I got a plan." "I'II bet." "That's EIena over there." "She runs the place." " Which one?" " The one in the red, apron, doorway." "She hears all, sees more and tells little." "Except to moi." "She's a very good friend." "She just might know where he's keeping her." "And we've gotta get past those guys first." "Come on." "Antunnez is inside." " He's looking for you." " Don't I know it." "We gotta find Mike." "Do you know where he's keeping her?" "I don't know, but I might know somebody who does." "Dalton!" " What?" " Look, Iet's split up." " No use both of us getting caught." " Both of us?" "Don't worry." "I've got a plan." "Some plan, Jack." "So Jack wanted to get caught?" "What kind of plan is that?" "A dumb one." "He probably figured he'd be thrown in with Mike." "Probably also figured I'd go after him too." "Did he also figure you would save them both?" "Jack operates a Iot on faith." "Any idea why Antunnez threw him in the monastery instead of his jail?" "Privacy." "The colonel doesn't like to mix business with pleasure." "Anybody else ever get in?" "Except once." "A few weeks ago, the monks had a funeral." "That's where their mausoleum is." "I'm sorry I can't help you more." "Oh, don't worry." "I have a plan." "I can't believe I just said that." "I do and do and do for you guys, and this is the thanks I get?" "Oh, go ahead." "Crack wise, sport." "You got one day to tell me where my stuff is, or you're both vapour." "Jack, are you all right?" "I haven't felt this good in a Iong time." "I feel alive." "You look terrible." "Oh, right, well, thanks for the cheer-up, ducky." "Why don't you just tell them where the heroin is?" "Because it's wrong." "And it's the only reason we're still alive." "Don't worry." "We're getting out of here." " It'II take a miracle." " We got it." " MacGyver." " Here?" "You bet." "AII I had to say was, "Mike's in trouble," and, bingo, there he was." " Mac." " Yeah, all we gotta do is sit tight." "Mac'II get us out." "Does this look bad?" "Bad." "Yo, gentlemen." "Eyes front and centre." "I must say, I'm surprised to see you all here." "I was not aware of any recent deaths." "But how rude of me." "Where there is a coffin, there must surely be a body." "Put the coffin down here." "I have interfered enough with this poor soul's journey to his final resting place." "Perhaps I can ensure the dearly departed of a speedy arrival at his final destination." "Now you may bury your dead." "Hey, what are you doing here?" "I'd never been one to give much thought to what I wore, but a guy could get attached to this outfit after a while." "Multipurpose clerical wear." "Something useful for every occasion." "Especially for staying out of trouble." "Oh, I got it! "Breast-fed babies are the best-fed babies."" " No." " No?" "Damn." "Then I'd Iike to buy another vowel, Pat." " Hi, kids." " Mac!" " I can't believe you're here." " That makes two of us." "Hi, baby." "Why is it every time you wish you had your camera, you remember you left it in another country?" "Whenever you're ready." "Hey, what's the deal?" "You wear pants under those, or what?" "No pants?" "I think we ought to hightail it out of here, Padre." " Look." " What?" " The truck." " What?" " The truck." " The truck." "Let's go." "I'm gonna need something to carry a current." " Here." " Oh, you guys are good together." "I've put a Iot of effort into this, Antunnez." "But it's all a waste of time if Dalton doesn't talk." "But he will talk, or watch the girl die a most unpleasant death." "You guys still need me." "Move it, come on!" "Tu, my man, it looks like it's time for another funeral." "Yours." "Don't worry." "There's only one way for them to leave this country:" "Their plane." "And I have it covered." "I'd say we hoof it from here." "Jack?" "What?" "What?" "Can't a guy show a Iittle appreciation for his freedom?" "Help me up, would you?" " You all right?" " I'm okay." " You sure?" " I'm sure." "So much for a clean getaway." "Well, it's just as well it worked out this way, I suppose." " That plane wasn't going anywhere." " Say what?" "Remember, we got hit when we came in?" "Lost all that fuel?" "Well, I checked the gauges." "Way I figure it, we take off in that plane, one of two things can happen." "One, we can fly about five miles and crash into the mountains." "Or two, we can fly about five miles and crash into the ocean." "Nice to have options." "Oh, you know, Mac, some days are like that." " Oh, is this great, or what?" " What?" "Us." "Together again." "Just like the Monkees." "The good old days." "Remember?" "Forgive me for being a wet blanket, but I'd feel a whole lot better if we could take this reunion tour on the road." "Mike, Mike." "Don't worry." "I've got-  "I have a plan." - "I have a plan."" " Do I say that a Iot?" " Yeah." "Well, I got a plan too." "Come on." "We need the plane, and we need time to fix it." "We need to get Antunnez's men away from it." "Yeah, that's where you come in, son." "Give us half an hour, and then bring Antunnez and Sonny to your junkyard." "And then?" "We'II have a Iittle surprise made up for them." "What'II I use for bait?" "Tell Antunnez we'II trade his drugs for your plane." "Jack's plane's worthless right now." "You know that, I know that, Jack knows that." " I Iike your style." " Yeah." " See you later." " Let's go." "Is that the heroin?" "Good, just put it down right there." "Hope Jack doesn't object." "I dug into his private stock of cheap wine." "I don't know, Mac." "I usually use a white wine to charge my dead batteries." "Actually, vinegar works better." "But there's enough acid in this stuff to act as a catalyst, so I think Jack's wine comes close enough." "Come on." "Besides, we only need charge enough to turn this prop a couple of times." " That's great." "Like a better mousetrap." " Yeah." "Now what?" "Now all we have to do is camouflage the tarpaulin, check the starter here back to the wine battery and cover up the rope with vines." "We need stuff like this." "What's this for?" "It's good to see you again, Mike." "How do you guys do it?" "Pummel me all night, shoot at me in the morning, steal my plane in the afternoon and still not a hair out of place." "You feel like praying a Iittle?" "Take it easy on me, man." "You never gonna see your drugs no more, man." "I don't think that would be a very wise idea." "No more games, Dalton." "No more games?" "Then how about a proposition?" "AII right, here we go." "It's a nice place." "You and the rest of the garbage." "I see you have finally decided to be civil." "How very wise of you." "Enough small talk." "Where's our smack?" "It's by the plane." "Let me get it for you." "Not without company." "Let's all go." "Okay." " Hold it." " Antunnez!" "That's enough." "Antunnez, help." "Get me down from here now!" "Antunnez." "Antunnez!" "The heroin." "Well, it's not quite that easy." "You'd leave an awful lot of loose ends." "You are drug smugglers." "I am the Iaw." "And you will not be alive to say otherwise." "Now, wait a minute." "I got a plan." "You want the smack, right?" "Here's what you do." "Let them go, and you and I boogie with the booty." " Jack, what are you doing?" " I'II ask the questions." "And what do I need you for, Mr. Dalton?" "Because like it or not, if they find our bodies down here, our government's going to make sure your government makes it very hard on you." "Americans are funny that way." "They take care of their own, Iike family." "That'II make it very difficult for you to move that smack, even if you have it." " That's where I come in." " Where you come in?" "I've got a plane." "I can fly." "You can't." "You'd be so rich." "Tax-free American dollars." "Power." "And all you gotta do is let them live." "What's that to you?" "Touch them, you go nowhere." " Jack, this is crazy, I can't Iet" " Mac." "I got you two into this." "The least I can do is get you out of it." "What do you say, colonel?" "Best deal in town." "We have an agreement, Mr. Dalton." "You two, over there." "Tie them up, and let's go." "Jack, what the heck are you doing?" "The minute you take off in that plane, you're a dead man." "I meant what I said about family, Mac." "You and Mike are family to me." "You really are dying, aren't you?" "We're all dying, Mac." "Some of us are just doing it a Iittle faster than others, that's all." "Jack is that true?" "Dalton." "Take care of each other, will you?" " The drugs." " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Dalton." "Come on, Mike, hurry." "There's no way I'm gonna let him go through with this." "Don't drop it." "Go." "It's been said the best gift a man could ever give another was his life." "Jack Dalton was never one to settle for less than the best." "Thank you, Jack." "I don't know what line Jack used to bring you down to Dinoto, but I'm sure glad it worked." "Actually, it was the truth that clinched it." "You knew Jack was dying." "Yeah." "I wonder why he never told me." "Well, you know Jack." "No time for sympathy." "Yeah, too busy living life." "Searching for that greatest adventure." "Having a Iot of fun with his friends." "Yeah, all right, thanks." "Keep me posted, will you?" "The Columbian navy picked up Antunnez." "He washed ashore, still holding on to his dope." "At least that should guarantee a conviction." "Well, Antunnez claims he bailed out when he saw both engines smoking." "Says the plane was going down." "He hit the water, went under, and when he came up, there was no sign of the plane." "Or Jack." "Both engines smoking." "Tricks of me trade, me boyo." "Tricks of me trade." "What?" "You don't suppose he had a plan?" "But Jack said he only had enough fuel for five miles." "Yeah." "And when was the Iast time" "Jack didn't stretch the truth just a Iittle?"