"FIGARO HERE, FIGARO THERE" "On the first Sunday in May 1759, on the doors of barbershops in Seville, was posted a very harsh proclamation." "His Excellency, the governor of Seville orders:" "Barbers must close their shops on Sunday." "Violators will be fined 100 escudos or 100 lashes." "Quick, put up the proclamation." "Go on." "Who goes there?" "Who is it?" "In a moment, I'll be right back." "Excuse me, eh?" "What are you doing?" "Sleeping?" "I have to do everything in this house!" "Start sweeping!" "They're here, I'll go." "I'm coming!" "I'm coming!" "Who is it?" "Nobody's here." "Must have been those rascals, the neighborhood youths." "I'll tell the governor's guards!" "Anyway..." "Anyway, it's time to open the shop." "Hurry!" "To work!" "Make way for the factotum of the city!" "Clean the shop, dawn is here!" "This wig is for His Excellency's noggin." "Good heavens!" "Put it away!" "Powders and leeches, milk lathers, creams and tinctures beyond measure, put them away." "Ointments and pills, plasters and brushes, jars and bowls, feathers and bristles, blood of bat, skunk fat, put them away." "Ah!" "How are you?" "Good day, Figaro." "My usual massage." " Have a seat over there." "One massage coming right up, up, up!" "My lady feels the benefit?" " Honestly, no." "I do." "Today I'll use a special cream." "Oh, what a fine craft, what a pleasure, to be a barber of quality!" "Such a beautiful complexion, my lady!" "It's a delight!" "Hey Figaro!" " Who's there?" " Come here!" "Piccolo!" "Wrap up the lady!" "I'm coming." "Et voilà." " Ah, nice, Figaro!" "Nice!" "Very nice!" "And very bad!" "Look what you did!" "You guaranteed that this pomade would make my hair grow." " Right!" "Instead, it made my remaining hair fall out!" "Figaro!" "Figaro, I want a depilatory to remove unwanted hair." " A depilatory?" "A depilatory?" "Here it is!" "Very effective, very good and super fast!" "Excuse me, your honor." "He's super bald because of this!" "Figaro!" " Figaro!" "Enough!" "Enough!" "Everybody wants me, looks for me, calls me, and pester me!" "Is it possible there are no other barbers?" "Figaro here, Figaro there!" "One at a time!" "One at a time!" "Good heavens!" "Yes, Ma'am." " Is my wig ready?" " It'll be ready in one moment." "Sancho, show the lady the wig." " Thanks." " Welcome." "Don't you have anything which doesn't make the hair fall out?" " Certainly." "You eternal malcontent!" "Your hair won't fall out with this." "What is it?" " Glue." "Stick the wig on the soft spot of your head." "Here you go." " Swindler!" " Oh, dear!" "Figaro, I'm getting tired." "How long do I have to wait?" "I'm already there!" "I'll unwrap you right away." "Here I am, my lady!" "You'll see how lovely you are." "This cream works miracles." "Boy!" "Cover the lady!" "Figaro, give me a shave." " My lord Count!" "Take her away." "Take her away!" "She has a little toothache." "Please, Count, sit down." "Oh, what a fine life, what a fine craft to be a barber in this city!" "Voilà!" "Oh, woe is me!" "Mercy!" "I can't pay 100 scudi!" "You want to ruin me!" " The governor's orders must be obeyed." "You opened your shop on Sunday and can't pay." " No!" "100 lashes!" " No, no!" "Let's see if there are more shops open." " Don't ruin me!" "Have mercy!" "That's the talent of my profession, with the ladies and the gentlemen." "With the ladies?" " With a tralalallero." "And with the gentlemen?" " With a tralalala." "Hey, Figaro!" "Good day, most reverend Don Basilio!" "Come here." "Boy, continue." "Excuse me." " Please do." "Et voilà." "Shave?" " No, something for the throat." "A tie?" "A collar?" " No, I lost my voice!" "I don't know how to explain..." " I see." "Here we go." "Take this." " To gargle with?" "No, it's an inkwell." "Dip your pen in and instead of talking, write." "No, I lost my voice." "I cannot sing!" "You see?" "It's terrible." "And today I must give a lesson to Donna Rosina, the governor's daughter." " Wow, what will you do?" "I don't know with this voice!" "And I can't find a colleague to send in my place." "More customers!" "Notice that in order not to be late, they came on horseback." "Good day!" " I've 2 customers, then I'll be right with you." "Beard and hair, right?" " No. 100 scudi." "100 scudi?" "This is a barbershop not a bank!" "You've read the proclamation?" " What proclamation?" " Don't pretend!" "I'm serious, Sir." " The governor ordered all barbers to be closed on Sunday." "And you don't give a fig!" " Me?" " Not a fig!" " I have no figs!" "Then pay the 100 scudi." " 100 scudi?" "I don't have it." "Then 100 lashes!" " No!" " Confiscate the goods and close the shop!" "No!" "Oh, God, I'll be ruined, thrown in the street!" " Enough!" "You didn't respect the proclamation!" "Carry it out!" " Sergeant!" "Wait a moment." " My lord, the Count of Almaviva." "Let this man be, he's my friend." " Your friend?" "Yes." "I've been his barber since he was a toddler." "I'll answer for him." "I'll pay the fine." "That being the case, I'm happy to render your Excellency a service." "You are free to go." " Boy!" "The brush!" "Excellency!" "Your Eminence!" "Highness!" "Your Majesty!" " But no, Figaro!" "I'm grateful up to my ears!" "Shaving, hair, wigs, all free." "And some leeches!" "Oh, no!" "Look, Figaro, I ask only in return a small favor." "I'm all yours: soul, body, razor and leeches!" " Come here." "You see that palace?" " The governor's palace?" " Yes." "You know what's inside?" " A poor crazy dog." "What can you do?" "Give the bowwow some chow!" "Don't joke." " I'm not." " Behind the palace there's a gate." "I need the key to that gate." "I'm the Barber of Seville, not the Locksmith!" "Good grief!" "No, Figaro, listen!" "Have the governor's daughter give you the key, so at night, I can enter the palace, smite the guards and take her away!" "The key?" " No, the governor's daughter, Rosina." "We love each other, Figaro, but he wants to marry her to Don Alonzo, the captain of the guards." "In a week!" "Understand?" "He mustn't marry her!" " I understand." "I'll marry her." "No!" "I must marry her!" " Then why don't you present yourself?" "No, I can't!" "The governor has hated me at first sight!" "I need a face he won't suspect." "A face..." " A face of a fool!" "No, a new face, like yours." "A face like your grandpa!" "Wouldn't someone related to you be better?" "No, my relatives and friends are known at the palace." "Only you can succeed, Figaro!" "But can I succeed in succeeding?" " Yes, if you do what I tell you!" "You hear that?" "She spends the whole day listening to the music box Count Almaviva gave her." "She sees no one!" " I can't wait anymore." "She must try the dress on at least once before the wedding." "Get her!" "Let's try again." "She's waiting again." "Won't you try on the bridal dress?" " No, no and no!" "I don't even want to see it!" " Too bad, it's so pretty." "You wear it." " Unfortunately, I'm not getting married, you are." "Marry?" "I'll never get married!" "Take it away!" "Take it away or else!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "I want this party to be remembered." "The ceremony is set for next Sunday." "Do everything you can to make it go well." "The stage for the play will be put there." " Yes." "How did the fitting go?" "Did Rosina like her dress?" " She didn't even want to try it on." "Didn't she like the bridal dress?" " The dress, yes, but not getting married." "Silence, gossip!" "I'll go myself." "So we're agreed?" "Do everything in the highest fashion." " Yes, Excellency." "The governor!" "Hurry!" " Hide it." "So, it seems that my daughter isn't used to the idea of her union with Don Alonzo?" "No, papa, I'll never marry him!" "Not even if you wish." "I don't like him!" "Rosina, you forget that you're talking to your father, the governor of Seville!" "Then govern Seville, when it comes to me..." " A heart can't be governed!" "Quiet, accomplice in my daughter's intrigues." "I know all!" "Listen to me well." "If your Almaviva dares to send another person here, I'll have him flogged!" "And then hang him in the piazza!" "Peace and joy be with you, my son." " Sorry, Reverend, where are you going?" "Truly, I must do my duty." "I must go." " Do you have a pass?" "I have season's tickets." "I teach music to the governor's daughter." "Thank you." "Peace and joy." "Joy and peace, children." "I forbid you to see Almaviva." "In any case, I don't want him to return." "Why can't I marry Lindoro?" "Because he's a simpleton and I believe he's almost a beggar." "That's not true." "He's very rich." "In any case, his fortune can't compare to Don Alonzo of Catalonia and of Magonza, a crown prince and captain of the guards of His Majesty." "What?" "Did you call me?" "I was passing by chance in the area and I thought..." "I thought I heard..." "heard someone say my name." "Let's see if by chance you can find the exit." "No, please, Captain, don't mind the nonsense of my daughter, Rosina." "Please, Sir Governor, my motto is:" ""Men, my steel!" "And women... and women..."" "I know it very well." "Damn, I can never remember these proverbs!" "Well, maybe another time." "What genius!" " One does what one can!" "Up, up, Captain!" "Take heart!" "Buck up!" "Let's leave Rosina to her singing lesson." "We have much to prepare for the wedding." "Only 7 days left." "Right, Rosina?" " Yes, Papa." "What a golden girl!" " So true!" "Yes, I'm docile, respectful, obedient, sweet and loving." "I'll get along, let you guide me but touch me where I'm sore, and I'm viper!" "Before I give in, I'll destroy 100 knickknacks!" " Miss, no!" "1,000 pardons." " No, one moment!" "Come in, Reverend." "Oh, sorry, Reverend, a misunderstanding." "That object wasn't directed at you." "Then I ask pardon if I permitted my head to receive it." "But you're not Don Basilio." " Truly, I... uh..." "Yes, I'm..." "I'm the ET." " What?" " Effective Tutor." " I don't understand." "Well, you see..." "Can I speak in front of her?" " Of course, she's my maid." "Ah, the maid!" "Then I can fool around with her!" "What are you doing?" ""With the maids fool, and let the saints drool."" "Please continue." " Where was I?" " Where was he?" "Here!" " Really!" "As I was saying that I'm someone sent from the Count Almaviva." "Is it true he sent you?" " Exactly." "I didn't want to but he sent me." "He, who?" " The governor!" "Who sent you?" " Don..." "Don?" " Don, Don..." " Don, Don?" "Don Key!" "Don Basilio, of course." " Don Basilio?" "Where is he?" "Turin-Laryngitis." " Larin..." " Turin-Laryngitis." " Why?" "Yes, by the doctor of the throat." " A throat doctor!" "Then say so!" "Well, ladies were present." "Then you've came here to give singing lessons to Rosina instead of Don Basilio?" "Instead of Don Basilio, I came to lesson songs to your daughter." "And do you know where he left off?" " Yes, at Piazza Dante." "Piazza Dante?" " That's the music shop, Papa." " Right." "The music shop." " Yes, yes, yes." "Did he tell you my daughter is very good with her scales?" "And I'm not?" "I barely weigh 150 pounds!" "Don Basilio always played a four handed work with my daughter." "Really?" " Yes." " That Don Basilio, eh?" "Shall we start then?" " Let's begin." "Let's do a four handed work." "Let's start with the vocal exercises." " Let's." "Now then, Miss, you know that there are 8 music notes?" " 7." "I always add an extra:" "it's good to carry a spare." "Will you give me the key?" " What key?" " To the garden." "The violin!" "The key to the violin." " Right, the key to the violin." "Every violin has its own key." "Excuse me, eh?" "Shall we proceed?" " Yes." " Let's." "Then... mi, mi." "Gimme!" "The key to the garden!" "Tomorrow the count..." "Will get you." "Ra, Ra, Ra!" " What is this "Ra, Ra"?" "Wow, "what is this Ra?" An amateur question. "What is this Ra?"" "It's the eighth note I added to the seventh." "It's my method." "Yeah, everybody has his own method." "I have my method too." " Yes?" "You play music too." " Yes, I do." "Which instrument?" "Wind or string?" "String." "But only one string." "Excuse me, what kind of string?" " The noose." "The noose?" "Oh, the noose!" "But which noose do you mean?" "The noose!" " The noose?" "Noose!" "I'm done now." "The lesson is ended." "I'll be on my way." "Governor Sir." "Miss Governess." "What do you mean the lesson is ended?" "Rosina hasn't sung a thing yet!" "Go on, accompany her!" "Go sing a pricked song!" "A pricked song?" "Right!" "What an idiot I am!" "Every Rosina has her thorn." "I've pricked myself!" "Go on!" "Sit down!" " Fine." "Don't get upset." "Here's the key." " I don't know how to play." " What?" "Leave it to me." "Let's begin, shall we?" " Yes, let's begin." "It's short sleeved." "Excuse me, give me a hand." "There we go." "# Don't wait for the morrow, # time flies away, with me stay, don't wait for the morrow." "# Take me with you." "# How beats my heart, pierced by love's dart # waiting to hold you to me." "No, no, no, no!" " Huh?" "# Far from your eyes but not your heart," "# I think of you and burn with passion." "# What remains of your love?" "# The sound of an old carillon." "# How beats my heart, pierced by love's dart # waiting to hold you to me." "You know, Maestro, I thought for a moment you weren't a real musician." "I don't know why!" " Really?" "You too?" "Sometimes I had this impression myself!" "Who knew?" "I can't stop." "The music possesses me!" "Possesses me!" "I have to keep playing." " I understand perfectly." "I don't want to interrupt." "I've changed my mind." "Give me that glass of port." "To your health." " To yours." "I think for today, this singing lesson can be considered finished." "Right, Papa?" "Certainly, when the teacher finds an opportunity to stop." "Yes, the opportunity." "Very opportune!" "We're almost done." "I insist on desisting!" "Life or death for me." "There." "I can't play anymore." "The muse has fled." "How amusing this muse is!" "It comes and go." "Oh, well, since the muse has gone, I'll go too." "Miss." " Reverend." " Excellency." "Damned trickster!" "Damned!" " No, Papa!" " Let go of me!" "Let go!" "You're always late!" "Damn you!" " My throat hurts!" "Guards!" "Guards!" "Come to me!" "Come!" "What happened?" "Mayhaps my beauty is in danger?" "No, arrest that man!" " Consider it done!" "No, not him!" "The other one!" "He's Count Almaviva's emissary!" "Arrest him!" " Onward, my braves!" " Guards!" "Guards!" "Seize him!" "Have you seen Donna Rosina's preceptor?" " He went that way." " Thanks." "Have you seen Donna Rosina's preceptor?" "Honestly, I don't know squat." "I wasn't there." "I'm ignorant." "Excuse me." "Guards!" "Come!" "Have you found him?" " No!" "Search the garden!" "I caught him!" "I caught him!" " No, make no doubt, I'm not used to work." "No, no." "Now it's your turn." " No no, no!" " Yes." " No!" "Yes, yes, yes." "Here we go." "Have you seen a man dressed as a teacher?" " Yes, yes, yes." "That way, down there." "Let's continue then, OK?" "Over here." " Here I am!" "There he is!" " Where?" " Get him!" " Where?" "To the breach!" "Let go of me!" "Let go, my dragoons!" "I said let go!" "They let go!" "Have you seen him?" " No." " Search around here!" "20 seconds to the noon signal." "Figaro!" "Figaro!" "It's you!" "So punctual!" " Of course, I flew like a cannonball!" "He may have got away but none will succeed, neither you nor your little count nor any fake maestros!" "You'll see, we will succeed!" " Oh, yeah?" "Then know that tonight, you depart for Rio Tinto!" "Rio Tinto?" " Yes, Rio Tinto." "For the next 7 days, until the wedding, you won't stick your nose outside your aunt's house!" " What?" " Silence!" "Goodbye until the day of your wedding!" "Colomba..." "Colomba, run to Count Almaviva." "Tell him what my father plans." "Tell him that we'll be staying tonight at the "Four Bulls"." "I'll wait there." "He must abduct me." "He must save me." "Understand?" " Yes." "Repeat it." " Miss Rosina departs tonight for Rio Tinto." "We'll spend the night at the "Four Bulls"." "She'll be ready to be abducted by you." " By yourselves!" "No, my friend Figaro, you can't abandon me now." "Besides, I've a very simple plan." "We'll take the places of the cook and the scullery boys." "Then..." "They hang us!" " No!" "There's nothing to be afraid of." "Besides, you must obey me." "Remember I have you under my thumb." "No help, no paying your fine." "And you'll die under the executioner's whip!" " No!" "Be good." "Come along." "Are you coming?" "Then you're coming to kidnap her at night?" "Yes?" "Then I'll do some kidnapping too!" "THE 4 BULLS INN" "Look!" "The inn of the "Four Bulls"." "# Paraponzi, Ponzi, Ponzi, I'm already starting to be sorry!" "This is no laughing matter." " OK." "Now that's he here, make the host come out and leave the rest to us." "What excuse should I make?" " Easy." "Walk in confidently and say," ""Host of this pigsty!" "Put my horse in the stable!"" "Host of this pigsty?" " Yes." "What if the host's a lady?" " Same thing." "No, a dame thing." "It's the same thing!" "Go in and act confident." "Just tell me what I must do?" " What?" "We've already explained it!" "You say, "Host of this pigsty"!" "Host of this pigsty!" "Host of this pigsty!" "Leave it to me." "It's all on you!" "Host of this pigsty!" "Host of this pigsty!" "Hey!" "Host of this pigsty!" "Are you deaf?" "Who is the owner of this pigsty inn?" " I am." "Why?" "Come down here, you peasant!" "Disgraceful innkeeper!" "Bow before my person!" "And bring my noble steed to the stable." "March!" "Dirty good for nothing braggart!" "Before I was an innkeeper, I used to kill the fiercest bulls in Madrid, in Seville, in Barcelona!" " Bravo!" "Ask around yourself:" "Who was the famous bullfighter Alvarez?" "Alvarez!" "The great Alvarez!" "Caramba!" "Now get out!" "Get out of my exceedingly clean inn!" "Excuse me, most polite innkeeper for saying pigsty, but can you come outside and put my animal in your exceedingly clean stable?" "If you don't get out..." " Alright, fine." "Excuse me, eh?" "Here he is!" " We've got him!" "Finally, he's in our hands!" " It's me!" "One moment." " It's me." " Who's this?" " It's me!" "Why didn't the innkeeper come out?" " What do you want?" "I felt bad for him." "He was tiny, trembled like a leaf." " Did you say, "Host of this pigsty"?" "Yes, I said it." " I see that you can't do anything." "Whaddya want?" "I've a good heart." " Good heart!" "Let's go!" "A heart of gold." " Some heart of gold!" "Easy." "Hey!" "Host of this pigsty!" " Again?" "Stand still!" "Stay where you are!" " What's happening?" "Oh, God, bandits!" "Stand still." " The first to move is a dead man." "Forward!" "Go!" " Think I'm a fool?" "That was for them not you!" "Go on, undress them!" "Gentlemen!" "Put your hats in the cloakroom!" "The gentlemen'll have their beards and hair done." "Boy, my brush!" "Please don't hurt us, Mr. Bandits!" " Bandits?" "I'm shocked." "Know who we are?" "We're gentlemen:" "counts, barbers or what have you." "Counts?" "Barbers?" "We're brigands!" "Yes, he's a brigand." "And I'm a brigandine!" " Pedro's brigands!" "Yes, he's Pedro!" " Him?" "I should've known with that face!" "Like yours is cute!" "Put them in cellar." "Go!" " No!" "Let's kill them." "No." " Yes." " No." " Come on." "Let's kill them." "Make my day." "Let's just kill one, just one." "Let's kill this guy." " Me?" "Oh, no, Pedro!" " I never get to have any fun!" "Fiorello, take them to the cellar." "Hurry!" " I'll kill him secretly!" "Stay here." "Help me!" "Help me get undressed." " Yes." "Got it?" " Got it." "I'll be the cook." " Yes." " Give me the apron." " Here." "You the host." " OK." " And you, the stable boy." "Who knows how this will end?" " Keep calm, Miss, calm." "The Count and Figaro will take care of it." " But they don't know Alonzo is behind us." "On account of the mountain bandits." " Oh, stuff!" "Just an excuse to come along." "You see the report was right." "The carriage is escorted." "No matter, the governor's daughter is worth at least 10,000 pieces of silver." "You really want to confront them alone?" " We'll be cunning." "Consuelo, you and the women go to the inn and get the soldiers drunk." "Got it?" "And you, come with me!" " What are we doing?" "Taking over the "Four Bulls" inn." "I'll be the host, you the servant boy." "And then, under the cover of night..." "Everyone at your places." "Hurry, they're about to arrive." "Then, under the cover of night..." " Yes!" " We'll save Rosina." "You should've told me earlier." " Why?" " I would've brought my razor." " Why?" "To shave her, right?" " What are you thinking?" "We're not shaving her but saving her!" " Got it?" " No!" "Not shave shaving, but save saving!" "Excuse me, who's shaving her?" " No one!" "Then why do you keep saying we'll shave her?" "Boy, don't joke around." "The only one who can shave her by profession, modestly speaking, is me." "You don't understand, this is an abduction!" "Ah, a consenting abduction!" " Hush!" "They're here." "Damn!" "Three travelers!" " They'll spoil our plan." "We must eliminate them!" " Let's shave 'em!" "Shave?" "We need something else." "Listen." " Yes." "Now, Fiorello and me will hide in here." " Yes, but..." "Then you with a pretext..." " Shave 'em!" "No!" "Make a pretext, lead them over here and leave the rest to us!" "Oh, no!" "This time I won't be a fool." "I'll stay at the door." "Fine, you go then!" " Take this!" "Strike the hardest you can with the pistol's butt!" " Leave it to me!" "I'm counting on you, hide!" "Go on!" "It's all on you!" "Here they are!" " Hey!" "See me?" "Gentlemen, make yourselves at home!" " Sirs, welcome to the "Four Bulls" inn." "Tired, right?" "Why don't you freshen up, while we prepare dinner." "Through there!" "There's water, soap and towels." "Full service!" "We don't need a thing!" "Undress!" "Give me that apron!" "Inside!" " But we..." " No babble, move it!" "You check to see if anybody is around." "You hide in the cloakroom!" "What's that?" " Sirs, you are served!" "You won't escape, rascal!" "See, you won't escape!" "Come here!" "How dare you?" "Come forth, you devil!" " Right away!" "Bow before the daughter of the governor of Seville!" "Don't play games, turn on the lights!" " Hat." "Welcome to my modest inn." "What an honor, your Excellency!" "Please, make yourselves at home!" "Please, sit down." "Spending the night?" " Yes." " I'll prepare the finest room in my inn." "You take care of the roast." "Close the door quickly!" "If you move a muscle, I'll kill you like a dog!" "Miss Rosina, don't be afraid of any brigands!" "You couldn't be in more secure hands." "Just saying but nothing escapes Don Alonzo!" "Oh, yes, I'm a strategist." "Ooh, strategic like crazy!" "I don't see the count." "And he said he'd be here." "Don't worry." "Look over there!" "Figaro!" " Then the count can't be far off." "What are you looking at?" " Nothing." "Why have you stopped turning?" " Fine." "It won't always go this way." "What do you mean?" "I mean it doesn't always goes this way." "Sometimes it must go that way." "Excellency, the gypsies!" "How is it going?" " For now, good." "Try to create a little confusion." "Don't worry." "You see that hubbub!" "You take the goose." " Thanks!" " Bring it to the kitchen." "Why?" "Can't I eat it here?" " Eat it?" "Bring it to the kitchen and put it on a plate." "Go, hurry!" "I'm going" " Hurry!" "Go, I'll keep an eye on you!" "Go!" "Serve the soldiers and try to get them drunk." "The man with the cook's hat is Pedro the Brigand." "What are you doing?" "Eh?" "I was checking if it had an egg." " But it's a roast goose." "Well, I was checking for a boiled egg." " What?" " A boiled egg." "Here, young ladies is a magnificent roast goose." "Such a savory smell!" "No, thank you, but goose at night..." " "is the shepherd's delight"." "No, it's too heavy." " But it's stuffed." " With what?" " A note!" "A note?" " No." "A note?" "Who said that?" " You!" " I said goat, right?" "Yes, but, that'd be too heavy." "Thanks." "Miss, why don't have something?" "Is it possible you won't accept a thing?" "The only thing I'd accept is your going away." "But I've no intention of leaving." " That's a shame, I'm going." "Let's go, my Colomba." "I'm tired and want to go to bed." "Accompany the young lady to her room." " This way please." "Hasta luego, Rosa Di fuego!" "Tonight, I'll get drunk." " Drink then." "Excellency, will you have..." "will you have, look, a piece from here?" "I don't like that." "I prefer the thigh." "No, not the thigh." "The thigh has nothing to say!" "This speaks the best mouthful!" "Yes, but that part says nothing to me." "But now, you'll see, that at the end, it'll have much to say to you!" "Young man, I want that thigh!" " OK." " Give it to me." "You know how to read?" " No." " Then nothing for you!" "Don't listen to him!" "I'll serve you myself." "What are these stories?" "Don't you see you're annoying them?" " OK." "Go in the kitchen and don't move from there!" "Excellency, now let me serve." "There's a piece of paper!" " Give it to me." ""The man with the cook's hat is Pedro the Brigand."" "Excellency, that's what I wanted to tell you!" "It's Pedro!" "Hurry, because he's dangerous!" "I see you don't know Don Alonzo." " No, who's that?" " Me!" "Your orders, Excellency?" " My dragoons, listen to me." "In the kitchen is Peter the Brigand." "Let us prepare a plan of attack." "I'll do like Julius Caesar at the battle of...eh..." "What's it called again?" "The Garlic Wars!" "Yes, right." "As they used to say, "Damn them who eat too much!"" "Gonzales, you and two men, come from the left." "Two from the right and I'll take center." "But pass the ball!" "Got it?" " Yes, Sir!" "Silence!" "Not one word." " Where is the count?" " He's not here." "It's just me: the prince!" "Fiorello!" "The door!" "Look, Count!" "Rosina!" "Rosina!" "Rosina!" "After them." "The horses!" "Be careful." "We'll meet at the Black Pass." " See you later!" "Hurry, get the door open." "Overtake them!" "On the horses, quick!" "We'll overtake them at the Black Pass!" "Come on, hurry!" "This way!" "You, go there!" "You, that way!" "Hurry, shut the door!" "Move it or they'll escape!" "You go over there!" "I instead will... go too!" "Follow me!" "Finally, Pedro the Brigand has fallen into my hands!" "Did you capture him?" " Yes and he won't escape!" "Nicely done!" "You read the note?" " Exactly!" "And tomorrow at dawn, Pedro will be shot!" "Congratulations!" " Put down your hand!" "Attack, my brave ones!" "Surround him!" "You double breasted bandit!" "You won't escape me again!" "Come here!" "You resist me, you culinary crook!" "Don't take advantage, you double desperado!" "A low blow, you basting bully!" "Take this head off me!" "There he is!" "He put it on my head!" "Put it on me!" "Me!" "Scoundrel!" "Damn bandit!" " Bandit?" "This is a mistake!" "I'm a barber of quality!" "Figaro here, Figaro there!" "Not true!" "He's Pedro the Brigand!" " No, the lies!" "No lies." " Lies!" " Then..." " Then what?" "You'll die filled with lead." " No way!" " Why?" " I need iron: doctor's orders." "Don't talk nonsense!" "Come." " Where?" "Where did that damn Count Almaviva go?" " To the Military Tribunal!" " No!" "Keep close to him!" " The Military Tribunal?" "No!" "The cards wins, the cards loses." "Let's play cards, Sir!" "Watch the king: wins again." "No trick, no deception of any kind." "Where is the king?" "This time he won't get away!" " Eh, no?" "One moment, dear Sir, no bet laid, no cards displayed." "Money." "The coin of the realm." "Moolah." "Please bet, Sir." "Your bet?" " Bread." " Bread?" "Bread and work." "Who wins, eats." "He who eats loses not." "Never." "OK." "Is that the king?" "Nope, not the king." "OK?" "The bank?" "Malediction!" "I never guess right!" "You've eaten all my bread!" "Unlucky at cards, lucky in love." "You want revenge?" " Stop!" "Leave the cards here!" "The king?" "Where is the king?" " Don't know." "Maybe he went into exile." "Swindler!" "Thief!" "Now, I'll show you!" "What are doing?" "Breaking the bars?" "Then you'll have to pay for them." "If only I could?" " What?" "You can't?" "Can't you see I can't?" "Are you sure?" " Yes." " Very sure?" " Yes." "Then I can tell you that nobody is stupid as you!" "An enormous idiot!" "An idiot in spades!" "Your idiotic size doesn't scare me." "I couldn't care less!" "Coward!" "You've stolen all my bread!" "In prison, who doesn't get by is lost." "I found bread and chicken." "Bread and chicken." "Chicken and bread!" "Coward!" "Coward!" "You don't know who I am!" " Who are you?" "Mendoza, the one who dismembered 4 men!" "Mendoza!" "If you fell into my hands for 5 minutes, I'd tear you to pieces!" "You can kill a few fools, but not me." "You making fun of me?" " Yes, I've won all your bread." "You!" "See?" "And still what can you do?" "Someday I'll get out of this prison!" " Hey, you!" "Silence!" "Hey,you, come here!" " What?" "You letting me leave?" "Yes, come out." " Yeah Hey, Mendoza, if you see the king, give him my regards!" "Where are we going?" " This one must be free for tonight." "You go to another." "Which?" " In this one." " Huh!" "Not in your dreams!" "Help!" "This is not legal!" " Move it!" " Not without 30 days notice!" "Knock it off!" " Listen!" "Forced cohabitation is not allowed!" " Be quiet!" "Guys, stay here." "We can chat a while, OK?" "A game of cards?" "We can't play with the prisoners." "Play with him." " Don't go away!" "Hey!" "Friends!" "Brothers!" "Stepbrothers!" "Companions!" "Comrades!" "Cousins!" "Kinsmen!" "Come back here!" "Sure." "Shall we play a little cards?" "Yes." " We'll finish our last game?" " Yes." " I'll hold the cards!" "And you know what we'll bet?" " Bread?" " No." "Flesh." " Flesh?" " Your flesh!" " My flesh?" "A game of flesh!" "Help!" "Help!" " Each round, a hand." "A hand?" " An arm!" "A leg!" "A head!" " Head?" "Listen, why don't you play solitaire?" " No, let's play tressette." "With the dead man?" " Of course." "We'll start... with the first hand!" "Oh, well!" "I pass in the first hand." "With this hand!" " Help!" "Help!" "What's happening here?" " Look!" "He beats me!" "Mistreats me!" "Leave him alone, Mendoza!" " Leave him alone, Mendoza!" "Criminals!" "Always fighting." " Typical!" " Come here." "Yes?" "Has Count Almaviva returned?" "No." " These counts never come back!" "Where are you taking me?" " To trial!" "What manners are these?" "Be nice!" "Send in the accused." "There he is!" "It's Pedro the Brigand!" " Death to him!" "Oh, God!" "Mama!" "Let me go!" "I don't want to go!" "Excuse me, Judge..." " I'm the scrivener not the judge." "But you've nice penmanship." "You don't look like a scribbler." "Anyhow..." "Defendant!" " Yes?" " You are Pedro... the Brigand." "What brigand?" "You guys are retarded." "45 lashes for offending a magistrate." " What?" "I don't understand. - 48 lashes!" "Wait, didn't you say 45?" " 3 more for pretending not to understand." "My dear Delegate..." " Eh?" " I mean Marshall, this is all a mistake." "I'm not Pedro and I don't want..." "I don't want to be sentenced to hard labor." " No." "Shot." " Eh?" "Shot?" "What?" "Shot standing up?" " No, we'll cut your feet off first." "Well done!" " Silence!" "Say "well done" again and I'll send you all away." "Well done!" "Well done!" "Well done!" "Well done!" "No, you don't count!" "This is an injustice!" " What?" "I want a defense attorney!" " What?" "I want a defense attorney!" "Silence!" "Or I'll clear the court!" "Got it?" "Silence!" "Or by God, we'll clear the court!" "Silence!" " Silence!" " Enough!" "Enough!" "I'll say, "Silence" and you say, "Enough"." "Got it?" "Silence!" " Yes!" " Go!" " Go!" "Enough, put him in the cage!" "Not the cage!" "Not the cage!" "I'll appeal!" "I'll appeal to the Appeals Court!" "You'll pay for this!" "I don't want the cage!" "Oh, God, the cage!" "The cage!" "Damn it!" " Send in the witnesses!" "Pedro!" " Assassin!" "Who is that man?" "Oh, Pedro!" "Pedro, my love, why did you let them take you?" "My love?" "President Sir, this woman lies!" "Believe me, I say!" "Back to your place!" " OK, don't get mad." "So touchy!" " Oh, Pedro!" "My dear Pedro!" "Enough!" "The witness can leave." " Yes, I'm going." "Oh, my darling!" "Let's hope they don't hurt you." "Goodbye!" "Mr. Judge!" "At least, deem me partially mentally impaired!" "The Court's decision: due to your crimes, we condemn to death by firing squad." "Take him away!" "You'll be shot when the sun sets behind the mountains!" "Excellency, if you want to shoot me, shoot me!" "But at least, save my life!" "Gentlemen!" "The court will retire." "The castle by the Black Pass, which way is it?" "The Black Pass?" "Holy Virgin!" "But that's a bandit's lair!" "Don't worry about it." "Where is the road?" "Quick!" " That way." "Write! "If you don't deliver up to the messenger 10,000 piastre,"" ""you'll never see me again." "Your unhappy daughter."" "Did you write it?" "Yes." " Good." "Now stop." "Very good!" "Furtado, have the man ride to Don Bartolo." "We'll make him happy!" "Fly!" "And when we get the loot, we'll salute your health, eh?" "Forward!" "March!" "To the left!" "Left!" "We're here, Pedro." "Be brave." "I am brave and don't give a damn about fear!" "Afraid?" " Afraid?" "No." "Just feeling a little shy." "Thanks to the court, you may be granted one last wish." "What do you wish?" "My last wish is to have the honor of being in charge of my firing squad." "Only the generals can do that." " Major, execute the sentence!" "Major?" "I'm a major too." " Really?" "My dear!" " Very pleased to meet you." " My dear!" " Thank you." "What kind of major are you?" " A major pain in the neck." "At ease, dear." "At ease!" "Shut up!" "Let's finish this." " Finish?" "Colleague!" " Colleague?" " Let me do it." "Be nice." "It's not pos..." " Please!" "Come on!" "Fine." "I'll grant it." " Thank you!" "But your eyes must be covered." " Why?" " To not see." "Why?" "I won't be able to see." "Then I'll go if I can't attend my own shooting." "Ah, now we'll play blindman's buff!" "Where did you go?" "Halt!" "Caught you!" "Your turn!" " Stop it!" "Pedro, go to your place." "What bad luck!" "The band." " I'll do without." "Let's go." " Let's go." "Hey!" "Where are you going?" "Eh?" "Got distracted!" " Over there." " How about that!" "Are we ready?" "Platoon!" "Attention!" "Aim well." "Avoid the face, the chest, the legs and the liver." "May I?" "On the shoulder!" "Fire!" "What's happening?" " He's escaping!" "Stop!" "Get down from there!" "Quick, reload the guns!" "There he is!" "After him!" " Let' go!" "Hurry!" "Damn it!" "He tricked us!" "Halt!" "Stop or I'll shoot!" "But that's Figaro!" "Hey, Figaro, come here!" "Come here!" "My lord Count!" " How are you dressed?" "You look like a scarecrow!" "Look like?" "I am a scarecrow!" "You've gotten me in a fine mess." " You're right, Figaro, I'm very grateful." "But take heart, it's almost over." "You know where the bandit took Rosina?" " Honestly, I couldn't give a fig!" "He brought her there on that mountain." " Over there?" "That ugly castle?" "Nice." "The air is refreshing." " What?" "Hurry, we must save her." "Where do you want me to go?" " Come on, let's go!" " Look!" "This is the lair of the bandits." "See?" "Really?" " We'll sneak inside." "We'll face the bandits and save Rosina." " Sure!" "You know what those bandits will do?" " Sure, beat us black and blue!" "Give me a break!" "I'm going." " No, Figaro, we must go in the Black Pass!" "My Saint Gennaro, help me!" " Let's go!" " Don't push!" "Boss, there's a portal." " Who knows what this imports?" "What the portal imports is of no import to mortals quite all-a-Mort!" "The portal is open." " We've reached port, depart!" "Holy Virgin!" " Quiet!" "What's with you?" "So many dead!" " What dead?" "Those are the bandits sleeping." " Oh, God!" "Mama Mia!" " Why are you afraid?" " They're still alive!" " Quiet!" "Don't leave me alone." "Come here!" "Help!" "Help!" " Who's that?" "Who's there?" " Help!" "A ghost!" "Oh, God!" "A ghost!" "Where?" "Such a fright!" " What?" "You're still alive?" "Momentarily." " What are you doing here?" "Yes, what am I doing here?" "I was passing through these parts and I thought," ""Let's find those friends of the Four Bulls Inn. " So I did." "Very nice!" "Boys, let's have a party, eh?" " Oh, so kind!" "Have a big appetite, eh?" " Big!" "Gigantic!" "I've been walking all night to get here." "Do you like pig's feet?" " Oh, quite." "Nicely roasted." "How do you make it?" " Roasted." " Not boiled?" " No, roasted!" "We put them to fire slowly so they won't burn." "We begin to roast them slowly." "Without condiments?" " No, first we rub them with some oil." "That way they cook slowly." "Slowly!" "When do we eat?" " Right now!" "But I still don't see the pig." " You're the pig!" "You've come to spy!" "Tie him up!" " Help!" "No!" "It's not true!" "I did nothing!" "It wasn't me!" "It wasn't me!" "Oh, yeah?" "Why did you come here then?" " My doctor ordered me the mountain air!" "You don't want to sing, eh?" " I can't sing." " Sing!" "Will you sing?" " I sing poorly!" " Then burn his feet!" " No!" "No!" "Help!" "They're burning me!" "They're burning me!" "Help!" "No!" "Yes, I'll sing." "I'LL SING!" "# In Marechiaro, there's a window..." " No, no, no!" "Enough!" "Enough!" "You mustn't sing a song, to sing means to talk." "Sing!" "# I have come..." " Yes?" " # ... with Count Almaviva!" "# To take away Rosina." "# The count, the count at this moment has gone..." " Where?" "# To the tower with..." " With?" "# With..." " With?" "# Wi..." " With whom?" " # ..." "Th" "# With Fiorello." " Damn it, boys!" "To the tower!" "There's no time to lose!" "Hurry!" "Colomba, hurry!" " Come on!" "But where's Figaro?" " Don't know." " Stay here and wait for the horses." "I'll go see what happened." " The bandits!" " I can't leave Figaro alone in trouble." "Go!" " Hurry!" "Come with me!" "Damn it!" "They escaped out the window." "Follow them!" "They can't be far." "What are you doing here?" "Why didn't you come with us?" "Move it!" "I'm a little tied up at the moment." " You're always getting in trouble!" "And how!" "Why did you get tied up?" " I didn't know what else to do!" "Pedro!" " What?" " Look!" " Hurry, let's hide!" "He escaped too!" " Bastard!" "Hurry!" "Don't let him get away!" "Hurry!" "They can't be too far away." "Come with me." "Hurry!" "On the ground!" "There they are!" "Open fire!" " Don't let them escape!" " Fire!" "Fire!" "We've been betrayed!" "Vamoose!" "Hurry!" "Shall we advance, Excellency?" " Yes, we will." "We'd even advance on feast days!" " Forward!" "Quick, to the embrasures!" "To the embrasures!" "Close the door!" "No, I was wrong!" "Let's advance but with prudence." "Better to be prudent." "Wait, let me get down." "Here I am." "My braves, I have a plan." "Not a big plan, but a baby one." "Do this:" "Wait until they're out of ammo." "No one will leave the castle!" "Got it?" "You hear that?" "They're shooting." " Shooting!" "This is a good time to..." " To die murdered like two idiots." "I don't see..." " No, to escape!" "Don't you understand?" "Easy." "We can't see a thing." "If there were a light we could." "There has to be a way out, right?" " I think so." " Easy." " Yes, easy." "Have a light?" " Huh?" " Have a light?" " Yes." "What are you waiting for?" " You didn't say so." " Light it!" "Hurry!" "Where are we?" " But..." "GUNPOWDER:" "NO FIRE" "How many barrels!" "Must be the cellar." "The cellar?" " Damn, what provisions these bandits have, eh?" "They're no fools." "Hey, they even have pumpkins!" " So?" "The match went out." " We need a torch, a candle." "Eureka!" "Eureka!" "What a pretty light!" "Phantasmagorical!" " Look, here's a door!" "Hurry!" "Hurry, give me a hand!" "Give me a hand!" " Truly honored!" " Knock it off!" "Help me open it!" "Give!" " Pedro, down here!" "It's useless to resist!" "Let's prepare to escape." "There's enough gunpowder and ammo to blow this castle sky high." "You'll see what a warm welcome we'll give the guards when they come in!" "Who'll light it?" " This fuse lasts 4 minutes." "Just enough time for the soldiers to come to the castle." "I'll put it here." " Where?" "Here!" "Are you blind?" "Then I'll wrap it around the barrels." " Louder!" "I'll wrap it around the barrels too!" "Are you deaf too?" "And then..." "light it." "It's done!" "Warn the others!" " It's going to explode!" "Get away!" "Come!" "Come on!" "What are you doing?" "Oh, God!" "He fainted!" "Come on, wake up!" "We must escape!" "Wake up, Figaro!" " Where I am?" "Only 3 minutes left!" " For what?" "Before the gunpowder explodes!" " What gunpowder?" " Here!" " Here?" "Oh, Figaro!" "Come on!" "Figaro!" "Get up!" " Where are we now?" "In a powder keg!" " What?" " A powder keg!" " A powder keg?" "Figaro!" "We must get out!" "Figaro!" "Where to?" " To the exit!" "To the ex... explosion?" " No, to the ex... to Exeter!" "Exeter?" "How nice!" " Let's go!" "What happened?" "Why isn't he coming?" "Oh, God!" "What could have happened?" " Don't worry, the Count won't be taken." "I'll go and check." " Please, don't leave us alone!" "What did I say?" "They must be out of ammo." "You don't hear them shoot anymore." "What's happening?" "Who pushed me?" " No one." "The castle has exploded." "Poor Rosina!" "Excellency!" "Over there!" "Look!" "Rosina!" "Fear not!" "I'm here!" "Miss, the tailor has come to take measures for the dress." "What do I care about dresses?" "My Lindoro is no more!" "Be brave, Miss." "Be brave, there's nothing one can do." "I feel so much for you, but one must have resignation." "Look!" "Look how splendid." "Look!" "A note!" "Holy Lord!" "It's a message from Count Lindoro!" "They are alive!" "Alive!" ""My Rosina, we're alive by a miracle."" ""I love you more than ever." "I've sworn to marry you and I will do it."" ""Consent to marry Don Alonzo, but do whatever I say."" "Governor Sir, though Rosina hasn't chosen me, you have chose me, who are her father." "Therefore, there is someone who has chosen." "When one chooses, it's done." "I'm afraid there's nothing to do, Sir." "I think Rosina won't marry anyone." "I must lament!" "Where will my broken heart go?" " Papa!" "Behold the ingrate!" " Papa!" "I've decided!" "You were right, Papa!" "I see now that you only want my happiness." "What do you want to do then?" " Marry." "Right this instant!" "With whom?" " With him!" "But then..." "But then..." "But then..." "The governor!" "Ladies and gentlemen, the wedding of my daughter, Rosina with Don Alonzo will be the last number in our joyous program that I want to offer to you to be known in every part of Spain on this happy day." "Are we ready?" " Recimero is always ready!" "Then stay here on this side of the door." "Please step on the scene wearing these clothes." "Please, the costumes are over here." "No!" "Not that!" "These are my fleas!" "My sweet little fleas!" "Where are the Italian comedians?" "Where?" " They haven't arrived yet." "What?" "Not here yet?" " Here are the comedians!" "Figaro, here we are!" " And here we'll stay." "Illustrious spectators, what you will see is truly not much, but you will be lenient." "Count, I don't want to run any risks." "Don't forget my reputation as the notary!" "Don't worry, everything will be fine." "Anyway, this is for your trouble." " Oh, thank you!" "Pulcinella, are you ready?" " Yes, we're ready." "Who's he calling Pulcinella?" "Me?" "I look like Pulcinella?" "Animal!" "See Recimero, the great impersonator, changing character before your eyes." "Then on the stage, you'll see among us Antonio Buricelli, famous flea tamer." "The fleas may be tiny, but they're more skilled than many famous dancers." "But... a farce in two acts will be presented first, entitled, "The Switched Bride"." "BullKiller, in this farce, before a notary, instead of his beauty marries Pulcinella." "This is our program and if it pleases you, gentle people, please applaud." "It's already 10 and my servant, Pulcinella is still not here." "Certainly, he's up to his tricks." "I won't pay you!" "I won't pay!" " Here he is, coming from this side." "Tax collectors!" "You're here, Pulcinella?" " Yes, Sir." " Time is running out." "Help me put a finger on something." " Here." "No, not that." " This one?" " Neither!" " Which one you want?" "I said help me put..." " A finger?" " Help me figure something out." "Listen!" " Yes, Sir." "Here you see me, a man devastated by inward passion with a broken heart." "Me too." " What?" "I'm also a man who has a passion for a nice plate of innards and roasted hart!" "What are you thinking about?" "But no!" "I'm burning!" " Lemme call the firemen!" "No, Pulcinella!" "I burn with love!" "Love!" " # Love!" "Love!" "What are you doing?" "You don't understand." "You should know that for ages, I've loved the beautiful Rosaura." "And she knows?" " Certainly." "Is she in love with you?" " Yes." "Have you seen yourself in the mirror?" " Yes." "Yes?" "Look me in the face." "Like so." "Pulcinella, please!" "I don't just love." "She loves me too!" " Who is she?" "Rosaura, the daughter of the governor of the city, Don BigBelly." "The daughter of Don BigBelly?" " Yes." "That stinker?" "That cheese head!" "That sack of lard!" "But the tragedy is that he doesn't want to give me her hand." "And he wants to marry my beautiful Rosaura to Captain BullKiller." "No!" " Yes." " To Captain Bullshitter?" " BullKiller!" "Same thing." "To that ugly bugger?" "To that slug?" " Yes!" "We have to stop this wedding at any cost." " We need an impediment." " An impediment!" "In this case, we need cunning." "We'll make a fool out of the governor." "You will dress you as the bride and take the place of my Rosaura." "And you'll betroth Captain BullKiller." "Go put on the wedding dress!" " Wait a second." "What do I have to do with that cheese head of governor?" "I have to dress up as a lady?" " Yes." " Dammit the hell!" "Quick, get changed!" "Very entertaining." "What is it?" " I have a little headache." "I'll go get my salts." "Excuse me." "I'll go." " No, you don't know where they are." "I must go." "Are you ready?" " Too much?" " Perfect!" "A little lipstick?" " No." " Rosina!" "Rosina!" " Thank you, Figaro!" "Thank you so much!" " Give me a hug!" "Figaro." " Gimme a minute." " Figaro!" " Let us be!" "Figaro, what are you doing?" " Girl talk!" "There's no time to lose, Figaro!" "Figaro!" " Let me get my purse." "Hurry!" " I got it." " I'm counting on you!" " Goodbye." "Let's meet up later." "Another hug." " Figaro!" "Figaro!" "Hurry!" "I'm counting on you!" " The mask!" " Here!" "You feel better, dear?" " Yes." " Good." "Thank heavens." "Why?" " I said so." "Notary, witnesses!" "Hurry!" "Where are my fleas?" "Oh, God!" "Someone stole my bag!" "My fleas!" "I'm ruined!" "Everything ready for the wedding?" " Yes, Notary." "Then let the couple enter." "What is it, my sweet?" "Are you getting antsy with the delay?" " Yes." "Are you ready for this ceremony?" " Very ready, very happy." "Now the most solemn time of your life has arrived." "Felicitas nuptialis!" "These are the finest thorns of happiness." "The happiest sentence for men!" "A sweet chain, which is never broken for life." "The beloved wife will make serene the husband's travail." "With caprice and tenderness, storms and kisses, jealousy and impertinence." "She'll help affectionately her husband support the load which she herself has loaded on his shoulders." "So you accept with full awareness to fulfill all the duties matrimony imposes." "Do you accept to marry, here present," "Miss Morales and Salazar and Sandomingo and Maricones and Manera?" " Yes, yes." "And you, are you willing to marry Lindoro, Count Almaviva, and Caracas and Crocis and Calogeris and Escortillas?" "Yes." " Do you hear this?" "Then sign here." "But that's Rosina!" " Let's run!" " Long live the newlyweds!" "Rosina!" "Where are you going?" " To my honeymoon, Papa." " What a blow!" "Quick!" "Hurry up!" "Where is the Captain BullKiller?" " I don't know." "It was you who gave me that slap!" "What are you doing to me, boys?" "What are you doing?" "Hey, what are you doing?" "What's with these clothes?" "Let go of me!" "Really, what are we doing?" "Leave me alone!" "What game are we playing?" "Let go of me, the bear is getting away!" "Guards!" "Let go!" "The bear is getting away!" "Guards!" "Over there!" "Over there!" "Oh God!" "A bear!" "Get him!" "Get him!" "Come, Your Excellency!" "I'll get him!" "Wait, I slipped!" "There's the bear!" " There he is!" "Get him!" "Forward, my braves!" "Rise..." " Are you crazy?" "There he is!" "Get him!" "Get him!" "Don't throw the pizzas!" "Fine!" "Throw it!" "You are so dead!" "Mr. Figaro!" " Boss!" "My liver!" "My femur!" " What happened?" " My spleen!" "Scoundrel!" "Opening again on Sunday, eh?" "But this time you won't escape, see?" "You're going to jail!" " It was the cannon!" "Stop for a moment, please." "Figaro, what happened?" "Excellency, we must follow the governor's orders." "Let him go, Sergeant." "I'll vouch for him." " Huh?" "Oh, no, no, no!" "This time I'm not interested!" "I prefer death!" "Carry on, Sergeant!" " Figaro, don't be silly." "Come with us." "Figaro... here." "Subtitles by sineintegral@KG"