"[Wendy] Previously on The Middleman:" "Oh, this weird temp agency called." "The Jolly Fats Wehawkin Temp Agency?" "Don't you want to fight evil?" " Monsters?" "Robots?" "Aliens?" " Yeah, why not?" "I heard when comic book evil strikes you cover it up." "I'm just the middleman." "You and I should, you know, be just friends." "You're breaking up with me for a class project?" "How does that make you feel?" " Ow!" " [crashing]" "Wow, Dub-Dub, that's..." "A painting of a gun-toting, genetically enhanced super-genius gangster guerilla." "And tomorrow I'm starting on a new one." "I already have a sketch and a layout and everything." "It's a Succubus fashion model." "Which is just like a regular fashion model except with pointy teeth and red eyes and a thirst for the innocent young men." "Well, you're in such a good mood." "And you're being so productive." "Yeah, well, my days of painter's block are way behind me." "I actually have a job I'm excited about." "You're excited about working for a temp agency?" "Well, it's a special temp agency." "And I'm painting like a fiend." "Maybe I should just come back later." " Why?" " It's about Ben." "Ah, my poser ex-boyfriend?" " Did he call to apologize again?" " No." " Sent more flowers?" " No." "Another giant teddy bear with a note of apology?" "It doesn't matter, 'cause I'm keeping him on a leash till I give him the brush off." "It's gonna be epic." "Ben put your break-up on the Internet." "You know, I could have just sworn you just said," ""Ben put your break-up on the Internet."" "That's 'cause Ben put your break-up on the Internet." "Maybe that's why he videotaped it in the first place." "No, he said it was for a class project." "Is that why you're holding the computer?" "No, no, no, this was just, uh, a..." "[Ben] I just think that you and I should, you know, be just friends." "You're breaking up with me for a class project?" "[Ben] How does that make you feel?" "Wait, we were dating for a year." "You said the "L" word that one time." "[Ben] I was drunk." "It hurts?" "Tell the camera." " [Ben] I am the victim here." " How could he?" "[Ben] My dad is a lawyer." "Look, I'm sure that it's nothing." "I'm sure that the bulk email he sent out to promote his website..." "Bulk email?" "How many hits does this thing have already?" "OK, it just went live yesterday." " So..." " 750,000 hits?" "Since yesterday?" "I'm sure that's just, um from linking it to a couple of social networking sites and a few of the better-known video sharing web pages and some of the more popular ex-girlfriend revenge video sites." "Ex-girlfriend revenge video sites?" "[groaning]" "You OK, Dub-Dub?" "Yeah, great." "[alarm sounding]" "[Middleman] Wake up, Dubbie." "[alarm continues]" "[Middleman] Wake up, Dubbie." "Dubbie, this is a priority message please acknowledge." "[alarm sounding]" "Dubbie?" " Yeah." " Time to meet me at the rendezvous point." "ASAP." " Double ASAP." " What time is it?" "Time to meet at the rendezvous point." "Now get out of bed." "What rendezvous point?" "That's it, one foot in front of another." "Run." "Your future as a Middleman hangs in the balance." "It might help my future if you told me where I was going." "The Rendezvous Point, Dubbie." "Counting on you." "What rendezvous point?" "Now, people undergoing emotional crises are prone to denial." "We all do it, but it doesn't make it right." "Hey now!" "I was watching that." "A:" "What did you put my laptop?" "B:" "Why are you watching that self-help blowhard, and C:" "What are you doing up at 6:00 AM?" "Your laptop is where you left it." "That pompous self-help blowhard is a totally perspicacious observer of the human condition, and C:" "I'm having a de-Benefication." "Ben stomped all over your heart with cleats and you still have all his stuff laying around." "Dr. Gil says that when someone goes through a breakup, to cleanse the space of all the other person's things so you can experience all your grief in a single burst." "I have way too much self-respect to worship daytime TV gods." "Besides, I have to find the rendezvous point." "I've been through four messy breakups with you since freshman year of art school, and this isn't the Wendy Watson I know and love." "Well-adjusted and focused on work?" "Wallowing in denial." "I know you, Dub-Dub." "If you don't shout-shout-let-it- all-out, this thing with Ben's gonna eat you up alive." "Maybe if I assign numerical values to each of the letters in the words "Rendezvous Point"" "and run them through Google maps..." "You stayed in bed after Tommy dumped you then spent the entire next week watching Italian zombie movies until all hours of the night." "You dated Tommy half as long as Ben." "Tommy Tam did not dump me." "I dumped Tommy Tam." "Cervelli!" "Cervelli!" "Devono mangiare cervelli!" ""Brains, brains, must eat brains?"" "You know where I picked up that handy Italian zombie phrase?" "I have to focus and find the Rendezvous Point." "What Rendezvous Point?" "Where in Carmen Sandiego is Kamchatka?" "In Russia between the Pacific Ocean and the Sea of Okhotsk." "You're being evasive." "And you're being a total drama vampire." "Forget about Ben, OK?" "He's gone." "Forgotten." "Relegated to the corner of my brain near oblivion, which is exactly where my job is going to end up if I don't find this Rendezvous Point." "You know, there's a Rendezvous Point diner out by Lyon Estates." " No way it's that easy." " Their tofu scramble is a poem." "Don't wear that." "It's Ben's sweater!" ""Meet me at the Rendezvous Point?"" "It's a valuable exercise in mental flexibility." "I guess it took you five minutes to be waylaid by Lacey before you figured out the location." "Then 15 minutes to get here from your loft." "You timed me?" "What for?" "For today." "Consider it a pop quiz day." "You will be tested on logic, deduction, interpretation, general field knowledge," " and most importantly..." " Hygiene?" " Teamwork." " Pop quiz day?" "Darn tootin'." "So how'd I do?" "Nice jammies." "* Middleman **" "Oh, my God, it's you!" " [screaming] - [gun fires]" "Yeah, work is going fine, Mother." "And life..." "Well, that's something we're just gonna have to talk about another day." "Yes, it has to do with Ben." "No, we're still broken up." "It's just because..." "You didn't see that video on the Internet, did you?" "No, no, no, there's no video." "Ben and I are over." "I'm well-adjusted and focused on work." "That's who I am." "I'm a motivated worker with a smile on my face." "Hey, it's my boss." "I've got to go." "Please do not go on YouTube today, OK?" "Or ever." "Please." "Trouble at home?" "Nope." "Everything's A-OK." "Trouble with your coffeehouse poser of an ex-boyfriend?" "So, today is pop quiz day, huh?" "It's a grand tradition for Middlemen in training." "I know you and I have been through Hell and back together." "I thought Hell and the Underworld were different." "It is specifically for that reason pop quiz day is such a necessity." " It's a training day." " Training?" "I flew to the Yucatan in the Middle Jet." "And at the time you didn't even know we had a Middle Jet." "That's the problem." "As a new recruit you were thrust into action without a chance to learn the infrastructure of the organization." "Our recent adventures have driven it home that you could be the next Middleman." "Shouldn't it be "Middleperson," or "Middlewoman?"" "We did have a Middleboy once." "What does that make me, "The Middlegirl?"" "You could be the next me at any given time." "That means you better know who we are and what we do from the inside out." "Really?" "I think I have it pretty much down." "Then, uh, pop quiz:" "What is that door right there?" "Uh, that is the wooden sword armory thing." "That is the Middleman dojo, where Sensei Ping, of the Clan of the Pointed Stick, the only man alive who knows the Wu-Han Thumb of Death, will be training you to become a lethal man-killer." "Lethal man-killer?" "I like the sound of that." "This building has over ten levels with hundreds of rooms, each dedicated to the different aspects of the fight against evil and injustice." "And pop quiz!" "Yeah, OK." "What is this device?" "Uh... it's the thingy you point at things with." "This is the BTRS Scanner." " And BTRS stands for...?" " Beyond the Realm of Science." " As in, this machine scans for things that are..." " Beyond the realm of science?" "Wow." "Handy." "See?" "Pop quiz day has already yielded some rewards." "And over here we have..." "Ah, yes, the changing room." "The first room Middlemen see every day." "This is where we keep our Middleclothes and other assorted Middlegear." "OK." "I have a pop quiz." "Does everything around here have a middle name?" "Like my Middlewatch?" "My Middlekeys?" "My Middleboots?" "Your Middlebelt, too." "So who pays for all this stuff?" "Good question." "I don't know." "I never see any bills." "I'm just..." " The Middleman." " ..." "The Middleman." "You'd think whoever springs for this stuff could have varied it a little..." "I mean, even GI Joe had a spacesuit." "It's not all about the wardrobe, Dubbie." "Take a moment." "[inhales deeply] Breathe it in." " You know what that smell is?" " Dust?" "History." "This is the place where Middlemen and their Middle associates through the ages have relaxed, let their guard down and built esprit de corps by sharing amusing stories and discussing death-defying events." "Are you kidding?" "You really expect that to happen here?" "While we're dressing?" "It's not just training for your physical abilities and your mind." "It's training for our partnership, team building." "Here we have The Interrogation Room." "I like it." "It's got that CSI vibe." "This is where you're going to take your next test." "This is the Interrodroid 3000, a training android designed to simulate interrogation situations." "This 3K has been programmed to behave like a mad bomber who has placed a device in the city." "Your assignment is to get him to confess the location." "Aww, he's a cute little guy." "He is the most dangerous thing imaginable." "Yeah, Yeah, yeah." "Fate of the world." "I get it." "I will be monitoring your test using a live video feed." "Good luck." "She plant weed on the suspect yet?" "Shh." "Test in progress." "We have a red ball." "A rich lady disappeared into thin air at a posh shopping district." "If you ask me, one less rich wench in the world might not be so tragic." "That rich wench, as you call her, probably has a family who loves her." "So did Charlie Manson." "Anyway, they want you investigating this yesterday." "You gotta send the trainee home and get to work." "I don't need to send her home." "Even in the face of an emotional breakup with a sexually ambiguous boyfriend," "Wendy Watson found the Rendezvous Point." "She's ready." "That zoot-sucking degenerate you hired for a sidekick is an emotional landmine." "You don't watch your step, you're gonna wind up covered in gore." "Wendy Watson has already shown calm in the face of adversity." "She's gonna do great things." "[clanking]" "Bomb's at the Twin Pines Mall." "Were you saying something?" "So did I ace it, or did I ace it?" "There's acing it, and there's what you did." "Kind of like shooting a cow with a Howitzer." "I would never shoot a cow." "Have you considered that maybe you took out some of your personal emotions on that poor little guy?" "That "little guy" put a bomb in my city." "don't get on my case for Jack Bauering the thing." "You gave in to blind rage and destroyed a valuable piece of training equipment." "Violence is always the Middleman's last resort." "What did you want, for me to wine him and dine him?" "You gave me an objective and I handled it." "A certain amount of empathy is part of being a Middleman." "If you have something you need to get off your chest..." "I got a pop quiz for you." "Don't you think the Middlemobile is a total gas guzzler?" "The Middlemobile has its own onboard biodiesel refinery." "I feed it organic garbage, it runs clean for days." "That may be the most interesting thing you've said all day." "Doctor Emmett Brown of the Hill Valley Institute." "My associate and I are here to examine the strange phenomena reported here." "Really?" "So what do you think made the lady disappear?" "Either spontaneous human combustion or a pocket nuclear bomb." "Either way, I suggest you step back by approximately 659 meters in order to avoid lethal exposure." "Let's go." "So, what do you think it was really?" "Either spontaneous human combustion or a pocket nuclear weapon." "So running 659 meters from here isn't such a bad idea." "Or maybe it was none of the above." "There's a preponderance of hypermobility particles around the site and that can only mean one thing." "What?" "Teleportation." "Her name was Isabel Schon." "Lived with her brother and sister in a swanky house over on Eastwood Ravine Drive." "It's going to take the cops at least two days to I.D. the body." "That puts us on the cutting edge of this investigation." "I did all the work, credit hog." "Why do people feel the need to do this to themselves?" "She was a total plastic surgery victim." "Just you wait, peach fuzz, until gravity gets the best of you." "Isabel's headless body was teleported back to the exact same spot it was found." "Why?" " Ida, run a search on the HEYDAR." " What is the HEYDAR?" "The High Energy Yield Data Accumulation Resource." "In technical terms, it's a global analysis and information-gathering device capable of performing on-board evidence analysis as well as intelligence searches across all data platforms." "And in non-technical terms?" "It's a big silver ball that gives us answers to things." "I'm on it." "So if Ida's searching on the HEYDAR, what are we gonna do?" "We talk to the victim's family." "Us?" "Isn't that a priest's job?" "You just have to hang back and trust me on this one.." "[Wendy] Wow." "Look at this place." "I can see how she could afford all that plastic surgery." "Definitely a relation." "I'm Chaplain Buford Tannen." "This is my novice, Sister Clara Clayton." "We're from Metro." "May we have a word?" "Inside?" "The house is a mess." "Understood." "We're sorry to have to tell you this, but your sister Isabel has passed on." "What?" "She's dead?" "Yes." "She was the victim of a terrible attack this morning." "She's dead?" "Our Isabel?" "Oh God, no." "No!" "I'm sorry to break down like this in front of you, but this is the most horrible thing ever." "[sobbing] No!" "Dean, what's going on?" "I heard you crying from inside the house and..." "Our Isabel has been taken from us, Doris." "Oh, God, why?" "[Doris sobbing] No!" "Why?" "She was the victim of an unfortunate attack." "No." "Not another one!" "Excuse me, ma'am, I have to ask, what did you mean by that, "Not another one?"" "She didn't mean anything." "Please, leave us right now." "We need some time alone." "As I say, leave us." "Thank you." "[electronic beeping]" " I did that search on the HEYDAR." " The silver answer ball?" "The one hard-wired straight into my mechanical brain, peanut." "There's been similar crimes n the last six months." "Several mysterious disappearances, and in more than one case, the reappearance of the victim minus a head." "Wait a minute." "So you're telling me there's been some teleporting decapitator at work out there for a while and it hasn't made the news?" "That's Middleman 101, Dubbie." "Most of what's really going on seldom makes the news." "But I think that Isabel Schon's family knows more about it." "That's why they gave us the bum's rush." "And look at this." "All the victims share the same plastic surgeon." "Is his name Dr. Frankenstein?" "Dr. Roland Newleaf." "Oh, this is totally open and shut." "You think he's behind this?" "Kind of a rash judgment on your training day?" "Are you being objective, or letting negative feelings about well-coiffed men cloud your deductive reasoning?" "I think I'm stating the mega-obvious." "Hey." "There's a couple of hippies in the reception area." "Those are just my friends." "[Noser] Yo, Wendy Watson." "What are you doing here?" "We're just innocently stopping by." " Really?" " No." "I'd rather be home working on my concept album." "Noser can't express it, but he's as worried about you and your inevitable breakdown as I am." "I am?" "We both think you are on the verge of a cathartic release of emotion." "Me, because I know you better than anyone, and Noser 'cause he saw the video on the Internet." "Guys." "I work here." "This is my workplace." "Could you please act appropriately?" " When did I ever do that?" " I'm trying to work here!" "I don't know how you could do that." "This is one depressing place." "Perfect for a collapse." "Yup, it'll happen right here." "I can feel it." "We brought you Dr. Gil's DVD to get you through." "And Ben's PSP, which I wouldn't mind having if you..." "Noser's trying to express in his emotionally stunted masculine way, you could play it if it would help." "You could put it under water." "I don't wanna drown Ben's PSP." " It would be a way for you to drown Ben." " Metaphorically speaking." " If he did drown..." " Metaphorically speaking." "...you'd be sad, and it's OK to cry." "Guys." "I'm glad he's gone." "Not dead." "Gone." "Why can't anyone believe that?" "We're here for you when the dam bursts." "They're nudists, I tell you." "Just by looking at them." "[Lacey] Look, I got these flowers." "Let's go to your cubicle or office and put them in water." "where they'll probably die rapidly in this depressing environment." " Cubicle?" " Yeah, don't you have a desk somewhere?" "Yeah, sure." "It's upstairs." " But it's being cleaned." " Your desk?" "All day?" "Yep, and all night, too." " Hi." " Hello, Lacey." " Hello, Mr. Noser." " Yo, Wendy's Boss." "These are beautiful flowers." "I will personally place them in a vase with a nutrient solution that will keep them alive, but there is a temp-employment related emergency that requires Wendy's attention." "Yeah." "Exactly." "Good lord, I don't know what's worse, getting dumped on videotape by Ben or having everyone in my life remind me about it every second of the day." "You have good friends." "They care." "OK." "Are we gonna arrest Dr. Newleaf or is pop quiz day gonna be all about shrinking Wendy's head?" "We're not going to arrest him, we're going to talk to him." "Talk?" "He kills his patients." "Rash conclusions are for amateurs." "Or people under emotional distress." "Holy crap on a stick." "Is that thing real?" "Yes." "It's a gift Carl Fabergé was about to present to Tsar Nicholas, before a Middleman spirited him out of Russia to work on the lens system for the great steam laser of 1917." " What are you gonna do with it?" " It's training day." "Why don't you tell me what I'm going to do with it?" "I'll tell you what you could do with it." " Will it be rated G?" " Doubt it." "Let's skip it then." "Eyes open, Dubbie." "I'm gonna have to do some fancy lying to get in to see Dr. Newleaf." "Why don't we just ask for an appointment?" "He's booked up through the rest of the year." "Pop quiz, Dubbie." "[bell dings]" "Wow." "So this is where all our fake i.d.'s come from." "Is my name on all of them?" "Wendy Watson, FBI!" "Not today." "Improvisation is the key to the job." "I pick the identity, you run with it." "It's training day." "We don't get many visitors from the Fish and Wildlife Commission." "Yeah, me and Agent Strickland here are looking into off-label use of Botox on fish." "Botox on fish?" "What are you talking about?" "Yeah, it's a real problem because the fish are getting all strange and weird." "But that's secondary to why we're here." " May we have a word in private?" " Sure." " Do I need a lawyer?" " I assure you, this is just a preliminary visit." "Maybe." "We believe Isabel Schon was murdered." "What's that got to do with fish and wildlife?" "She disappeared and was found in the middle of a shopping district." "Our jurisdiction is broad on certain matters." "I want my lawyer." "Maybe you should have a look at this instead." " It's so beautiful." " It's more than that, isn't it?" "Yes, it's more than just beautiful, it's glorious." "You can't resist it, can you?" "You want it?" "Take it." "Go on, no use pretending anymore." "Carl Fabergé's gonna be pissed." "All right, Dr. Newleaf, if that is your name, we want some answers." " [alarm sounding]" " We've been revealed!" "Intruder alert!" "Dak mok!" "Pik tok!" " Dak mok pik tok!" " Dak mok pik tok!" " Dak mok pik tok!" " Dak mok pik tok!" " Dak mok pik tok!" " Dak mok pik tok!" "[clicks]" " Let me handle this." " My gun's not working!" "I turned it off with this." "You can't be trusted with live ordinance." "What?" "What part of "let me handle this" didn't you get?" "Dek pak, tik tok, nik wok." " Gok mak?" " Nik nok." "Oh!" "Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?" " I just want to talk." " We will talk with you." "But she has offended my people by drawing a gun." " You heard the man." " And miss this?" " You've offended them." " I'll apologize." " In time." "Maybe." " Who are these people?" "Manicoids, alien exiles on our planet." "Wealthy neighborhoods on Earth are the only places in the galaxy where their looks allow them to move freely." "Masquerading as rich humans who've had plastic surgery also lets them indulge their fetish for dining on precious stones." "[slurping]" "Now, you need to go outside." "Again, my apologies." "Ah, you know how rash and impetuous women can be." "Hey, Lacey." "Right now's not a really good time." "I'm trying really hard." "I'm just not having a great day, you know?" " But I'm trying..." " Oh, no." "You went back on the Web, didn't you?" "Back on the Web?" "Oh, hey, you know, I gotta go." "Lacey, what could possibly be on the Web?" "The break-up was the only thing Ben ever filmed between us." "I mean, as far as I know, right?" "Yeah, it's just I know you've been working for this temp agency and spending a lot of time at your desk and on the Web." "I know you read that movie gossip site a lot, so I thought you'd need me 'cause you've heard about Ben's new deal." " Ben's new deal?" " Yeah." "But it's nothing." "It's a blip." " If you need to cry..." " Do you have the webpage in front of you?" "Yeah." "Then just read it to me." ""The Weinstock Company announced today that they have paid a record sum to Ben Stanley to write and direct a feature length version of his viral break-up film, which has become an overnight sensation on the Internet."" "I've come to warn you." "Somebody is using dangerous teleportation technology to kidnap and kill your people." "We are aware of the attacks and are doing our best to contain the situation." "You may be next." "The killer is targeting the brightest and the best of the Manicoid community." "I'm here to offer my help." "We can take care of ourselves." "We are survivors." "We don't need any help." "Then there's just a few quotes from the Weinstock brothers about how talented Ben is, how confident they feel in his abilities." "And "inspired by real-life events the film will be a delightfully awkward and realistic comedy, a cross between Super Bad and Woody Allen, detailing in gruesome detail the break-up of a sensitive and likable film student from his cold and emotionally distant artist girlfriend."" "It's just more things about how much they're paying." "I'm not cold and distant." "That's right, Dubbie." "Let it all out." "Dr. Gil says when you're in the middle of an emotional..." "I'm not gonna do that!" "I'm not gonna let him do that to me." "Ben doesn't deserve my tears and he's not gonna get them!" "You know, I'm stronger than that." "I'm not gonna let anyone walk all over me." "Oh, my boss is here, I gotta go." "Please take this." "It's a very valuable piece." "Call it a token of peace and trans-species understanding." "Just don't eat it." "Rash and impetuous." "I can't believe you put training wheels on my gun!" "What happened to team building and establishing trust?" "Lord love a duck, Dubbie, what would you have done?" "First you maim a 'droid, then you try to OK Corral a bunch of friendly extraterrestrials who need our help." "Your profile says after a break-up you're prone to excessive fetishistic mourning followed by further serial monogamy, not abject denial punctuated by bursts of violence." "Your response to this break-up is becoming a liability for both of us." "We're a team." "If one part of the team breaks down, the other needs to know." "If there's a reason for this behavioral anomaly, you need to tell me." "I have a psych profile?" "How did you get this?" "That was a good one." "You peaked there with crayons and had a learning curve" " when you went to watercolors." " I was eight." "Where do you get off invading my privacy like this?" "It's part of the job." "Of being a team." "It's not my fault the world hit the pipe before punching in this morning." "I may seem like an old-fashioned man." "But I assure you, I would not judge you harshly if you had a moment of emotional catharsis." "I'll show you a moment of emotional catharsis." " Your psych profile is wrong!" " [tires squealing]" "* Oh, you put a strain on my heart *" "* Ohh *" "* Ohh *" "Yo, Wendy Watson." " Hey Noser." " What was today?" "Today was gonna be the day." "What kind of day?" "I think they were going to throw it back to me." " And did they?" " Boy, did they ever." "Anita, the way you spend money may be an issue in the break-up of your relationship, but it's not the issue, and if your boyfriend chooses to use that against you, then he's being emotionally dishonest." "[crying]" "You know I can't turn someone away in emotional pain." "See, 'cause crying is a natural thing." "Crying is what people do under strain." "There's nothing to be ashamed of." "Sorry Lacey." "[Dr. Gil] That's right." "Look at her, people." "Crying is good." "Get it out, people." "It's good to cry." "[Middleman] Dubbie!" "Dubbie!" "Please acknowledge." "This is a priority message." "Please acknowledge." "Dr. Newleaf has been abducted." "Get dressed and be downstairs in five." "This is not a test." " You sure you want me on this?" " I'd be a cruddy teacher if I didn't." " Hey Dub-Dub, I heard a ruckus." " It's something important." "I gotta go." "It's like o-dark thirty in the morning." "Look, I just..." "I got a call." "OK?" "I gotta go." "Wendy, no!" "Revenge sex is not the answer." "Dr. Newleaf vanished about an hour ago." "I'm tracking him by the Middlewatch I gave him as a gift." "The Middlewatch?" "Like the one you gave me?" "You mean as long as he's wearing that watch you can track his movements?" "That means you've been tracking everything I do, day and night?" "Whoa there, Cochise." "Understand this." "Being a Middleman means doing the impossible on a regular basis, and you can't do the impossible if you're working without a net." "That watch is the most important tool in The Middleman arsenal because as long as you have the watch, you know that no matter how bad the situation," "I will always have your back." "Always." "[electronic beeping]" "We've reached Dr. Newleaf's signal." "No more pop quizzes, Dubbie." "You ready for active duty?" "A broadcast studio." "Makes all the sense in the world." "Whoever is abducting the Manicoids is using the station's high-powered dishes to beam his teleportation signal." "With this gear, he can beam people from anywhere and to anywhere in the world." " Great." " Got your dad's lucky lighter?" "Unless you stole it again." "There must be a secret door." "There's always air flow no matter how tightly the door is fitted." "The things I learn on this job." "Glad you're learning." "Wow." "Lacey would have a vegan stroke if she saw this." "They may call themselves hunters, but to me, they're just serial killers of animals." "Oh!" "Great hearts of palm!" "That is grotesque!" "What kind of a man hunts down defenseless aliens like this?" " A vengeful man." " Doctor Gil?" " The noted TV personality?" " What a revelation!" "No autographs today." "My hands are full." "I play down my hunting nowadays." "My audience don't like to think of Dr. Gil killing Bambi." "Diseased maniac." "The Manicoids will not be merciful when they discover what you have done." "Who's gonna tell them?" "You?" "I don't see that." " What have you done with Dr. Newleaf?" " Don't worry about Dr. Newleaf." "I've already teleported him away to my private hunting preserve, but I saw a little dangle on his arm and took it away." "Figured it to be a tracking device." "Now, I'm gonna just assume y'all ain't from the FCC." "I don't understand." "Why would anyone hunt Manicoids?" "When I was a boy, my daddy and me were driving when the first Manicoid ship came to Earth." "Being a Southern gentleman, my daddy broke out his trusty 12-gauge and he fired upon that sucker." "But the flaming debris from that crashing vessel crushed my daddy to death." "[screaming]" "I was able to salvage part of the ship." "Just so happened to contain the teleportation device." "So you spent the rest of your life plotting revenge?" "Yup, accruing wealth and power through my work as a television psychotherapist was merely a means to the end of hunting down Manicoids for sport." "So that's all this is?" "The Most Dangerous Game with aliens?" " Really?" " Yep." "That's the long and short of it." "All of which leads me to the part of the story where I say goodbye and you die." "Wendy!" "No!" "[computer voice] Teleportation system offline." " Teleportation system offline." " Oh, phooey." "[gunshots]" " Dr. Newleaf?" " Don't shoot!" "Please!" "For God's sake, I'm not gonna shoot you." " Are you all right?" " Yeah, I'm still in one piece." "I might've twisted my ankle." "But we can't stay here long." "We must keep going." "You know what?" "No." "I'm not getting whacked in the back by some TV shrink." "That's just not right." "I've got my gun, it's as good as his, if not better." "Are you crazy?" "He killed six of my people!" "Maybe I am crazy, but I'm going to confront that bloated ego-driven psychopath and take him out for good." "I hate him so much I might mount him." "You'll what?" "Never mind." " Yippee-kay-yay!" " [bleep]" "No way!" "No way!" "You and your [bleep] training wheels!" "Oh, screw it." "Just shoot me." "Put my head up on the wall if that's what you want." "At this point, anything's better than the day I'm having!" "This is the worst week of my life." "Do you have any idea what it's like, when you just want to do well, get along in the world, and everyone just thinks they know exactly what's best for you?" " I might have an idea about that." " No, you don't." "Ben was a tool, a total rich, entitled mondo-dismo and everyone thinks I should be crying over him." "[sniffing]" "Honey, it's good to cry." "Cry to Doctor Gil." "I can't turn away someone in emotional pain." "I loved Ben." "That was..." "That was my ex's name, Ben." " Yeah, I got that." " He was so sweet when we met." "He used to take me to see all these Eastern European art films from the 60's." "You know, the kind where all the men had gnarly facial hair and bad teeth." "So I asked, "Ben why do you keep taking me to these movies full of ugly people?"" "He said he lost his last girlfriend to a Serbian actor and he didn't want that to ever happen again." "I mean, yeah he was insecure, but he was mine, you know, and I loved him for loving me." "And I thought everything was going fine until he left." "Just like Tommy Tam." "And Steve, and Rodney." "And..." "And who else?" "Come on, let it all out." "My dad." "[sighing]" "I reckoned." "He disappeared when I was 14." "Just poof, like every other man I've ever cared about." "All they ever do is leave." "Well, I can guarantee you that for the rest of your short life I will not go away." "[whirring]" "* Clean livin' was his credo and justice was his bride *" "* Palomino *" "* Ooh *" "* Clean livin' was his credo and justice was his bride *" "Sorry I'm late." " You weren't late." " Gok dok!" "Gok dok!" "I knew that as long as I had this watch, you'd have my back." "All I had to do was stall." "[chattering]" "Teamwork, right?" "You're a pistol, Dubbie." "You're gonna do great things." "Let's move with purpose." "We have a spaceship to catch." "Hey, by the way, any chance you could turn my gun back on?" " Yo, Wendy Watson." " Hey, Noser." " I'm thinking of a place." " What kind of place?" "A place where no one would dare to go." "Is that place Xanadu, Noser?" "Yeah and it's like a dream." "Oh." "You're home." "Yup." "I hope you don't expect me to break out the ice cream or the candy bars and spend quality time talking over your dearly departed boyfriend while listening to female rock, because I'm out of the break-up counseling racket." " Thank God." " Yep." "It's just business as usual here in Casa De Lacey and Wendy... and we're just two well-adjusted people focusing on our work." " Outstanding." " Good." "Wouldn't want you thinking I'm some kind of drama vampire." "Never." "Although, I have a strange craving to watch Island of the Flesh-Eaters." "Lucio Fulci's 1979 masterpiece of undead horror?" "OK, so we can watch it, as long as you promise not talk about Ben 'cause I need my space." "Deal." "I don't think Dr. Gil would approve of this therapy." "Oh, I don't think we'll be hearing much from Dr. Gil anymore." "America is in shock today with the news that Doctor Gil, the noted television personality, has been trampled and subsequently, eaten by a rhino during a hunting trip." "The news has sent shockwaves through Doctor Gil's fan community, many of whom are reeling that the sensitive psychologist they had come to know and love is, in fact, a ruthless hunter of animals." "[* The Russian Futurists:" "Precious Metals ]" "* Said your life's a house of cards *" "* And it teeters on the brink *" "* On the edges of window ledges *" "* Like a great ship down it sinks *" "* Back when you used to think *" "* That your life was precious metals and rose petals *" "* But now as you're growing up you're finding *" "* It's nail-biting and teeth-grinding *" "* Time's sinister sundials make your days *" "* Hard as city streets *" "* You fall in traps *" "* Jet black in the hole that your self-pity eats *" "* I'm playing cards real close to my chest *" "* Can't see what I've got *" "* One minute we're sub-zero *" "* And in the same breath piping hot **"