"Well, we can always play cards, eh?" "They'll come." "And false hope is the trainer of Eendracht Vooruit..." "Geert." "How many times have I said:" "No balls in the greenhouses." "Go on." "Good night." " Good night." "What?" " What?" "Banana plants, Jos..." "Who buys something like that?" "!" "You have to look to the future, Rita." "Those plants are going to be very important for our business." "The alterations are staing next week." "That is very impoant for our business." "And could you look to the future and see where you've made room for the skip?" "Welcome to Puur Toeval." "Our guest today is Eddy Wally." "And Eddy has a question for us..." "I ought to go training." "And I've go to do the washing up and the ironing." "Prefer one of those?" "I don't think anyone else is coming." "Children and football don't go together." " Who says so?" "!" "An ex-footballer who now has children." "Bullshit." "It's a matter of wanting to." "And of planning." "That's just it, Kriekske." "Children can't be planned." "And personally, and I'm only speaking personally," "I fully understand that Jean-Marc would rather be with his heavily pregnant wife than here with us on this potato field." "It's not Jean-Marc who's about to give birth!" "Thanks, I'm OK." "Try... to make your bowels move..." "Dr. Meens couldn't come, I'm his replacement." "So..." " And you are?" "I'm also a doctor, founately." "Where are we?" "At the bowel movement." " Ah, already at the bowel movement." "Try to move your bowels, young lady." "Pardon?" " Have a shit!" "That's the so of feeling you should have." "Push, as hard as you can, and push..." "The head's hanging out." "Yes, Veronique, that's it." " Make your bowels move!" "Breath." " Yes." "Definitely." "You have delivered babies before, haven't you, Doctor?" "Yes, lots." "Lots of babies." "And breath." "And let it come..." "Push." "It's a girl." "Vic." " Is Inge inside?" "She'd be cold if she were outside, wouldn't she?" "True." "Evening after evening, they dance around naked..." "D'you know what I find so strange?" "That those girls don't catch pneumonia." "Lads, training's cancelled." "They'll be here next time." " How often have I heard that before?" "I've got a feeling of dèjà vu." " Come on, let's go inside." "Next question." " What else do they want to know?" "Why do you want children?" "To deduct them from tax!" " Franky!" "Because we love children, of course." "What so of question is that?" "It's a very good question." "Why do we want children?" "Because now is the time." "All my mates have just become a father." "She's so small." "I think she's quite big." "She has come of out your..." "Excuse me, could you push again." "I think the second baby wants to come out, too." "How about if we formed an indoor football team?" "That's for poofs." "Or beach football?" " No, no." "That's for poofs with a sun tan, eh?" "It's not about the football, Geert, it's about the lads about all we've been through together, our past." "Our past..." "Aren't you being just a shade too sentimental, Kriekske?" "No, no, no." "I'm not being sentimental." "I think it's tragic." "They're not going to keep on having babies, are they?" "Congratulations, it's a boy." "Looks just like a mole." " What did you say?" "A cute little wrinkled mole." "A little mole?" " A little mole." "Jean-Marc!" "The poor little soul!" "And the third one wants to come out of its hole." "David, let go." "Mr Van Nieuwenhuyze?" "Nellie Dupont?" "Sorry, my meeting overran." "Your mobile is ringing." " It's not important." "Damn you, Stef." "You had promised to collect your kid at 11 o'clock." "It's a quarter past and I'm late for work." "Geert, can you take David with you?" "To work?" "Kriekske, I can't." "But I can't, either." "I've got an important meeting with my boss." "And it's not my fault that Stef doesn't stick to his word." "No, I suppose it's mine..." "I warned you, Kriekske." "I said, don't do it, it's going to cause problems." "I even said, and I quote myself, you're going to stand there with the kid and I'll have to say that I can't step in because I've got to go to work." "And babies and radio don't mix." "At all." "Babies and meetings don't either." "Eric, I'm going out repoing for the first time today." "You know how I've fought for my own programme." "I'm not going to ruin all that because Stef can't keep his word." "You could make a great report about this, about him." "We doing a series about jobs, Kriekske." "The job of being a baby!" " Being a baby isn't a job... it's a stage." "And now, I really must go." "So you can't have children." "No, mine can't swim." "We tried buying armbands for them but..." "You want a child "...because your mates have got one"." "Typical case of peer pressure." "What did you say?" "You want children because your friends have got them." "No!" "We want a child because we are ready." "FULL STOP." "Next to "financial situation", and I quote," ""That's no one's business."" "It is, of course, important that you will be able to look after any child you may adopt." "We've both got steady jobs, don't worry." "Any child we may adopt will want for nothing." "I don't think you have to be stinking rich to have the right to have a child." "And money doesn't always make you happy..." "Exactly!" "Look at Michael Jackson!" "Yes, well, that was just an example." "So you can speak three languages?" "Four." "Dutch, French, English..." "and the language of love." "Three." "Hobbies?" "Football, I play in a team." "And not just to improve my social skills." "I like to score, too." "Seriously." "On the field I'm very fast, alert and I'm very goal-orientated and not given to modesty." "Married?" "Do I have to answer honestly?" "Yes." "And you?" "We are still talking about you, Mr Van Nieuwenhuyze." "Children?" " Yes." "One." "A little boy." "David." "Takes after his father." "A model child." "Vic?" "Vic, pick up the phone, please." "You used to think it was romantic when I picked you up from work." "You don't pick me up after my work." "You're usually there before I start work." "And then you scowl at the customers all evening and refuse to talk to me." "I strip." "And men pay to watch me strip." "That's my job!" "If you call that a job." "Standing there in the nude, jiggling your bum." "Dancing." "What I do is dance." "Those men haven't come to enjoy your suppleness and sense of rhythm." "They're sitting there lusting after your tits and your bum." "I don't know you any more." " There are other jobs, aren't there?" "Not everyone's got a father to get them a dream of a job at the university." "I want you to stop." "Give me a good reason why I should." "Because you can do better than that." "I mean, you can do whatever you want." "There's nothing you couldn't do." "You can do whatever you want to do." " Except dance." "They're pleased with me in Leuven." "Very pleased." "I could be someone there and not because my father got that job for me but because I'm good at what I do." "At The Naked Truth they're very pleased with me, too." "And I'm already someone there." "Because I'm good at what I do." "Inge, please, it's difficult enough." "And I'm not going to make it any easier for you, Vic Schoutten." "I don't have to justify what I do to anyone and certainly not to your narrow-minded colleagues." "So you're not going to stop?" " What do you think?" "It's brown and is in a frame." "What?" "The door, Inge." "The door is there." "Bloody hell!" "Excuse me, one moment." "Bloody hell!" "Jos!" "What will the customers think?" "Everyone swears sometimes." "Madam, don't you ever swear?" "You should try it, it helps." "What are you doing?" " The alterations you've been on about." "You know very well what I mean." "You'll frighten the customers away." "A bloody wheelbarrow tips over and I'm not allowed to swear?" "No, you're not allowed to swear." "You're in the shop." "No, you're in the shop." "I'm your workman." "Sometimes I could just do something to you!" "Right." "It says here that you'd like a boy, from Peru." "Why Peru, exactly?" "We'd like to know whether a boy from Peru has got panpipes between his legs." "We saw a documentary on TV about the slums in Peru." "We saw all those homeless children and thought, we can't help them all but maybe we can help one to have a better life." "Well put, sweetheart." "Write that down." "PITY, FEEL SUPERIOR" "Katja, can you take David?" "I've got to go to work." "Hello, madam." "Sorry." "What's David doing with you?" "Where's Stef?" "I should ask you that." "He dropped David off and said, "I'll definitely be back before 11."" "I haven't seen him since." "His meeting must've overrun." "Meeting?" "But Stef had a day off today." "Sorry, madam, sorry." "There you are." "Thank you, bye." "Have you heard about Jean-Marc and Veronique's triplets?" "Bavo, Bea and Bruno." "B, B, B." "Oh." "Sorry, Eric, really." "Now he's teething he dribbles a lot." "And he's sometimes sick, too." "Come here." "Shall I get you one of Jean-Marc's?" " No, it's not THAT bad." "But you can do something else for me..." "When you see Stef, scratch his eyes out." "And bite his balls off." "Gladly." "D'you want them wrapped?" "Yes." " Bye." "And why do you want a new job?" "I have to answer honestly again, I suppose?" "I've got a wife, a child, a house." "That's all very nice, I wouldn't change it." "But I need a bit of variety." "I want to feel that my life isn't all mapped out." "And I thought it'd be better to change my job rather than my wife or child." "I suppose that sounds stupid?" "No, it was very honest." "Your wife is lucky to have someone like you." "And what do you think?" "Do you have room for someone like me?" "I will be honest, too." "You've absolutely no experience in advertising." "But I'm going to give you a trial contract." "Because you have convinced me about a product that I wasn't interested in." "And that product is me." "Welcome to 'Speaking lmage'." "Hi, Cynthia." " Hi, Eric." "We had an appointment." "You're an hour late." "Sorry, Mr Vandenbergh..." "I was with David and David is a baby..." "a little baby..." "So, your kind can have children, then?" "That's progress, eh?" "Incredible what science can do these days." "Mr Willems, please." "Sit down." "So, gentlemen, you have both applied to take over from our PR manager when he retires next month." "The Board of Directors thinks you are both suitable candidates." "I will therefore have to disappoint one of you." "The assessment of the Board of Directors is far from... finalised." "But the large majority have a clear preference for..." "Eric." "But on one condition..." "The PR manager must prove his worth by penetrating a sector of the market." "In practice, this means coming up with a campaign, launching it and carrying it out in order to promote our products, namely Sportland products, among non-commercial football teams." "Eric, if you and your campaign succeed you will be the new PR manager." "And if I fail?" " I will have to choose the other candidate." "I'll do it." " Congratulations!" "One for Mummy..." "come on, open your mouth." "Can't you eat properly?" "Just look at that." "Keep your little mitts off of there." "Come on, a mouthful for Mummy." "Well, are you eating your dinner?" "Is it nice?" "Mmmn, yummy." "I've got some great news." "You've decided to look after your son yourself in future." "No..." "I'd asked Eric to look after him for a bit." "Yes, Stef..." "The correct answer was yes." "I may 'only' work in an electrical goods shop but it is working." "The last thing I need here is a baby to frighten the customers away!" "Fortunately Veronique is my sister and tolerant of these things." "I asked Eric if he could look after David for a couple of hours." "It's not just about David, Stef..." "When I get home in the evening I sta work all over again." "Cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing." "Maybe some women can do that, even like doing it, but I'm not one of them." "What's Mummy saying, eh?" "Ah, Veronique!" "Veronique, Jean-Marc, congratulations!" "How are you?" "Fine." " And the triplets?" "They're doing really, really, really well, well, well." "You think they're small but it's the packaging that takes up all the space." "We're going to have to buy a bigger car." "Three times as big." " Great, eh?" "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "Decibelg", a radio programme in which we go in search of the brainwork that goes with a particular type of job." "This week, the job is that of philosopher." "We observe Vic Schoutten..." "Philosophy fellow at Leuven university." "The philosopher is sitting relaxed at the kitchen table staring into space." " If only that were true..." "Is there something the matter with..." "At the university I've been subtly informed that it's not in the interests of my career to have a wife in the light enteainment sector." "So I told Inge she had to stop stripping." "And?" " What "and"?" "She got angry." "She says I don't take her job seriously." "Vic, Inge loves you, you love Inge." "But you also love playing football and teaching." "Well, Inge loves dancing..." "Naked!" "In front of other men!" "Yes, naked, in front of other men!" "So?" "Has she asked you to stop playing football?" "It's none of my business but I think you're being very short-sighted, asking her to stop dancing." "Hardly surprising that she left." " I threw her out." "Darling, you're just a bit overwrought." " The baby has taken my life away." "The few hours a day I had for myself are gone." "I have to get up twice a night to feed him." "I don't have a life any more." "My live revolves around him." "I'm his slave." "This little parasite has sucked me empty." "My breasts hurt, my stomach's full of stretch marks... and I'm getting varicose veins." "And all I do is cry..." "Stupid mascara." "I suppose I look like a panda." "So what?" "Pandas are really cute." "Yes, and almost extinct!" "But you had some fantastic news." "I'm listening, I need some good news." "You've got an extra day's holiday?" "I've resigned." "I've changed to adveising." "What do you want me to say?" "Congratulations, maybe?" "Advertising?" "You're going to have to work day and night." "The first couple of years, maybe." "I thought you were going to work part-time so that you'd have a bit more time for David and me." "There, our new car." "I've just bought it." "I'm going to add a green stripe here and a yellow one here." "A stripe for each child." "What do you think?" "It's not exactly what I had in mind." "There's more room than in our other car." "Isn't that a bit much... a police van?" "No, imagine it with the green and yellow strips." "No one will see it used to be a police van." "And there's room for a few more stripes." "We're already one short for taking care of all these babies." "What are we going to do if they all need feeding at the same time?" "Daddy will think of something, eh Bavo?" "Bruno." "Bea." "It's Bea." "Hello, Kriekske." "Hello, Geert." "How was your interview with Vic?" "Vic has problems of the heart." "And what about you, Kriekske, have a good meeting with your boss?" "Yes, Geert, but I'm not going to rub your nose in it." "Sorry, Geert, I'm going to be the new PR manager at Spoland." "Really?" "Fantastic!" "Congratulations!" "Really?" "Fantastic." "Congratulations." "You'll be brilliant at it." "You're the right man for the job." "Eric Bogaes, PR manager." "That sounds so... right." "A big party this evening in the canteen of Eendracht Vooruit." "We can celebrate J-M's triplets, too." "Speech!" "Speech!" "Lads, next weekend a real old-fashioned training camp." "Come on, a real training camp..." "Vic, what do you think?" " I've got a feeling of dèjà vu." "Jos?" " I'm doing some alterations." "Rita will strangle me if I go away somewhere now." "Lads?" "David is teething." "I can't leave Katja on her own." "And Veronique won't be very pleased." "We haven't got enough hands as it is." "I know I haven't got any little ones." "But I work at night and at the weekend." "Franky, you have got a little one." "We see it every week under the shower." "There's something else, I'm not going to try to change your mind, but thanks to the good management of your treasurer, me, there is a bit left in the kitty," "not a fortune, but enough for a weekend on Texel, in a 4-star hotel with wife and children." "You'd have to provide your own transport but no one wanted to come, so it's cancelled." "You didn't mention that." "With wives and children?" "All three?" " OK, I'll arrange it." "On one condition..." "extra training before we leave." "Before work?" "No way, out of the question." "Franky, tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock!" "AFTER work." "Those who don't train, can't come!" "We hate you, Eric, we do!" "Tomorrow morning!" "Is he serious?" " Afraid so." "Katja, I've got some fantastic news." "More fantastic news." "We can go for a free weekend on Texel..." "A weekend with just the two of us..." "That would do us the world of good." "It's not just the two of us." "David has to come, too?" "It's with the football, isn't it?" "That really is fantastic news!" "Got problems, Smaypants?" "It would be easier if you helped me." "Watching those three eat is a real pleasure, isn't it?" "Would you enjoy it as much on an island in the Waddenzee?" "Everywhere, Jean-Marc, and it's nice of you to think of a holiday..." "But the first few months it's impoant to get them into a rhythm." "And we have to try to coordinate all three rhythms." "The best way of doing that is at home, in a familiar environment." "It's not cos we've got children that we have to stay home all the time, is it?" "No, you can take them out for a walk every day." "It's only for a weekend." "With Marieke and Sofieke." "Fun." "Free." "Impossible, Jos, the shop has to stay open." "Especially with all the alterations." "We have to show the customers that we are there for them." "Good night." "It's going to be great fun, sweethea." "Rita's going, and Veronique and Katja, Geert and the lads." "And the kids." " Yes, those too." "Franky, try to understand." "I want a child." "Your child." "Or at least, with you." "And as long as that hasn't been soed out" "I don't feel like a weekend surrounded by kids and babies." "No way." "Kriekske, that weekend is going to be great fun and all that but the following week they're playing a café team." "We're not preparing them for the match of their life." "Aren't we?" "Eendracht Vooruit will soon be playing for the Spoland Cup..." "The what?" "...on Eendracht's field against an all-star team of Belgian ex-internationals..." "What are you on about, Kriekske?" "That's the PR campaign I'm going to suggest to my boss." "May I?" "You know the rules, Franky:" "you can sit, look and talk." "But you can't touch." "Things will work out with Vic." "I expected so much from this relationship." "Vic was different." "He wanted me for who I am, not for my body." "That great body can't have been a disadvantage." "We've lived together for 6 months, that's all." "and now Mr Philosopher turns out to be an ordinary career man who wants his wife to stay at home." "No matter how much I love Vic, no one tells me what I can or can't do." "Inge, that's life." "You expect one thing and get something different." "Look at Katja." "She so wanted a baby, and she got a darling of a baby." "And is she happy?" "I don't think so." "But it's not the baby's fault." "It's because of what she expected." "I don't mean expected as in expecting a baby... but as in her expectation." "Get my meaning?" "What about you, Franky?" "Are you happy with what you have?" "Or in your case, with what you can't have?" "It was only a theory, Inge." "Cheers!" "Kerem." " Vic." "Is Inge inside?" "She'd be cold if she were outside, wouldn't she?" "True." "Night after night, dancing naked..." "D'you know what I think is strange?" "That those girls don't catch pneumonia." "Aren't you going in?" "No." "I've got to get up early tomorrow." "Training." "Bye." " Bye." "Look, the Garden Gnome's already here." "I'm incognito." "Rita thinks I've gone to the DIY store." "And the others?" "I've been at work all night." "I want to train, get out of here, go home and hit the sheets." "Hope it doesn't last too long." "I want to get home, I've got a skip to fill." "Is it carnival time for policemen, Jean-Marc?" "No, it's my new family car, well, my old new family car." "That's what I call taking your work home with you." "You can't tell it used to be a police van." "No, definitely not." " Did it used to be a police van?" "I feel like training." "Don't misunderstand," "I love those 3 kids, but a few hours without the constant crying." "Damn!" "His dummy!" "He hasn't got his dummy!" "Here." "Sorry J-M, I was only allowed to come if I brought him with me." "His milk's in the bag." "Shake it first." "That's all I ever do!" "And?" " We'll start with penalties." "Can't we practice that on Texel?" "Practice penalties in Holland?" "That's like teaching sex education in the Vatican!" "In the Vatican!" "Jos, apparently you have to look at the feet, not the ball." "Then you know where the ball will end up before the kick." "You gain seconds." "Thanks." " That's a tip from Kerem." "He used to be a keeper with..." "Watch out!" "Here, Stef." "No, don't touch him." "Watch out." "Jos, can you hear me?" " Yes, idiot." "It's my neck..." "Don't take any risks." "We'll take him to hospital." "Lads, no." "Don't touch him." "Out of the way." "Who shoots at that corner?" " We'd better stop." "Happy now?" "Training in the morning!" "Lads, I'm off to bed." "Try to stand up straight when you walk." "Or we could sta the day properly." "I've got a bottle of genever at home." "Come in, lads." "The beer's in the fridge and so is the genever." "I'm not drinking, I'm driving." "Wait a minute..." "Stef, couldn't you leave him in the car?" "Are you mad?" "No, but Nancy gets depressed when she sees a baby." "Then I'd better go home." "No." "Wait a minute." "D'you mind if we put him in the cupboard?" "He's asleep." "For Nancy's sake, OK?" "!" "To Eendracht Vooruit." "To Texel." "To the blonde Dutch girls waiting for us." "And the blonde Flemish girl waiting for me here." "That's my boy!" "That's Jean-Marc with Jos." "We Love You, Joske, we do!" "Mr Breespoels?" "!" " Mr Leemans." "I've come to see where your potential future child would live." "It's a bit inconvenient, I've got friends round." "Even better." "If you've got a child you get visitors, too." "The more natural the habitat, the better." "You've already got a child?" " No... not that I know of." "Is that how you treat children, Mr Leemans?" "Mr Breespoels, I can explain." " I'm sure you can!" "Are these your friends?" "The environment in which your potential future child will grow up?" "I don't think so, Mr Leemans." "If I have any say in the matter, a child will never enter this house!" "And you will never enter this house either, you bastard!" "Out!" "Bastard!" "Son-of-a-bitch!" "Bastard!" "Wanker!" "All I want is a baby!" "Don't you understand?" "This sort of bureaucracy should die a slow death." "Photocopy, fax and stamp it to death." "I'd better take him home." "No, stay." "He's probably the only baby who'll ever be allowed in here." "Hey, J-M's got three like that." "Maybe you can borrow one." "You fill in a pile of forms and think you'll have a child in a few months." "Adoption is more painful than giving bih." "You're not ripped open physically but mentally." "We've been rejected as parents yet we've never been parents." "I don't understand." "Calm down, Nancy." "Calm down." " And you'd make a good father." "Lads, I think it's time we..." "Don't let that bastard get the better of you, eh?" "No way, mate." " Thanks, Stef." "No, Rita, I'm not joking." "I've got an cervical acute neck hernia something wrong with my neck." "How?" "I fell off the steps in the DIY store." "I know that sounds stupid..." "No, I can't fill the skip." "An excuse?" "It's not an excuse." "I'm about to go under the scanner." "Yes, the teaching hospital." "Yes, I know your sister works at St. Ursula's but that's in Oostduinkerke." "You must admit, that's not exactly the closest hospital." "Room..." " 312!" "312!" "312!" "Yes, see you later." "OK." "Bye, Rita." "Shit, Jean-Marc, I think I've pissed the bed." "Can you call a nurse?" "You won't tell anyone, will you?" "Promise?" "Of course not, Jos." "It was an accident." " Can I help?" "Don't look at me like that, I promised I wouldn't say anything." "I've wet the bed." " Pardon?" "I've wet the bed." "That's not a good sign." " No, I know." "It was an accident." "I'll call a doctor." "That's not necessary." "I'd rather we kept it to ourselves." "Lack of bladder control, Mr De Paepe, is an indication of pressure on the spinal cord." "You need to go under the scanner right away." "Fantastic, under the scanner!" "A typical room with a typical family." "Nice kid sitting on the lap of nice parents." "And they're reading a book." "A book for learning to read:" "monkey, nut, fish, car, house." "On the first page, a monkey and the child says, "Monkey"." "The 2nd page is a fish." "The child says, "Fish"." "Then Daddy turns the page and what do we see?" "On the left, a computer, on the right, a telephone." "And what does the child say?" "He looks at it and says, "TeleNet"!" "But that's not all!" "The child says, "TeleNet"." "General consternation." "The parents are surprised but proud." "And Daddy says, "Wow, that's fast!"" "Get it?" "TeleNet, that's fast." "What do you think?" "That it's time to change the baby's nappy." "The child says, "TeleNet"." "That's amazing." "TeleNet, that's fast." "Incredible, that a little child says that..." "Stef, shut up about little children for 5 minutes." "I can't stand it any more." "It's not his fault he's teething." "He'll soon sleep through the night." "Don't get me wrong." "I love the child." "But I NEVER want a second one, OK?" "If I'd known" "I'd never have had a first." " You should talk to Nancy!" "She's depressed because she hasn't got one, you're depressed because you have." "We could give him to her." "Are you mad?" "To Franky and Nancy!" "David?" "Or to Veronique and Jean-Marc." "One more won't make any difference." "David is ours." "He's staying here." " See." "Is that your famous hernia?" "Yes, Rita." "She's just doing her job." "I thought you had something wrong with your neck, Mr De Paepe." "Nurse, I'd like to be alone with my husband." "So would I!" "So that I can concentrate on my work." "Maybe you could all leave." "I'd like her to be able to concentrate on her work." "What is it, Miss Vervliet?" "The patient needs to go to NMR." " Why?" "Well, he..." "Because he needs to." "You interrupted my lunch break." "If that was for no good reason you deserve to be sacked." "I wet the bed." "Oh." "That changes everything." "Miss Vervliet, Elske, put him on the trolley." "I'm off to NMR." "Sportland Cup..." "Between a team of amateurs and the Belgian All Stars?" "Ridiculous." " Interesting target." "Very interesting, but impossible to organise." "Where will you find pros who want to play a bunch of amateurs?" "I made some calls and everyone was enthusiastic:" "the Football Federation, the media and... the stars." "They all want to be a part of it." "Don't forget, they were all amateurs once." "Very interesting concept." "In theory... very interesting." "But no one will come and watch, no one will be interested." "We'll invite all the amateur clubs, they'll come and support the amateurs." "Because they are people like them." "And for once they're playing the best." "It's a very, very interesting proposal." "Assuming you can organise your match, then what?" "What's in it for Spoland?" " Publicity on the amateurs' shirts..." "Big deal." "...that will also be seen in ads on TV, on billboards, in newspapers and magazines..." "And how are you going to choose these amateurs?" "I'd prefer to play with my own team." "Eendracht Vooruit." " Yes, but organising and playing..." "There's a conflict of interests." " I know these lads really well." "They'll go for it." "Eendracht is a typical amateur team with players from all social classes." "A cross-section of society." "That's exactly what we want." " We'll do it." "With Eendracht." "Here, your turn." "And?" " Rita!" "Sorry about the skip." "Forget about the skip." "How is your... thingy?" "Cervical acute neck hernia." " Yes, that." "It's doing very well." "He's been very lucky." "Nothing broken or torn." "He has to wear his collar for 6 weeks." "Two more days in observation and he can go home." "That's good." "You'll be house-trained again by the time you come home." "So we're talking about a free weekend in a hotel on Texel." "All you have to do is stand in goal." "And I won't get any problems with..." "Jos, for taking his place?" "Jos can't keep goal..." "physically." "Because of his neck, he can't." " OK, I'm interested." "Vic told me you used play in the reserves for Lierse." "Why did you stop?" " If you had to choose between being among beautiful, naked girls every evening or under the shower 3 times a week with a load of men, what would you do?" "I find that difficult to answer but I see what you mean." "I'm not as fit as I was but I'm in." "You're in?" "Great!" "There's one last condition..." "Kerem is our temporary goalkeeper." "And a good colleague of Franky's." "Oh!" "The bouncer from that..." "dance hall." "Strip joint, Rita." "A bar where naked women dance around a bit..." " Vic, we're going..." "Darling, this is impossible..." "Watch out, support his head..." "Yes, Daddy is here..." "Bea, Bruno, Bavo..." "Whoever." " He's called Bavo." "Is that Bavo?" "adveising executive Stef Van Nieuwenhuyze." "Our guest is sitting relaxed but very concentrated, waiting to present to the Speaking lmage team... his new TV ad." "Hi, Nellie." " Mr Van Nieuwenhuyze." "We're listening." "The ad starts in..." "a football stadium." "Full." "All classes of society are represented." "In the stands:" "the ordinary man: atmosphere, ambience." "In the business seats the people are more boring... the 'I've-been-invited-by-the-firm' kind." "Men in suits, tie, women in suits." "Cranky." "Bored." "Bored, but with an exciting life." "You don't see that in the ad, because you only see the stadium." "And on the field, one ball, one man." "Zinedine Zidane." "He places the ball on the penalty point, looks at the goal." "It's empty." "He runs up." "Slow motion." "Concentration." "The run-up." "The man." "And then, just before Zidane touches the ball with his foot, suddenly the net jumps forward out of the goal!" "Over Zinedine and the ball!" "And then our slogan appears:" "'TeleNet - a net that's just that bit faster.'" "If Zidane is too expensive, Wesley Sonck could do it." "Or I could." "Anyone could do it, because really it's about the net." "That flies out of the goal." "The TeleNet." "Would you like a drink?" "When I've finished, Mrs De Paepe." " Call me Rita." "The way you've filled in for Jos is... fantastic." "A weekend in a 4-star hotel is woh the effort." "Come inside a moment." "I've got something for you." "It was bad, I suppose?" " I've seen worse." "Not often, but I have." "So I've got to sta all over again." " No, forget it." "Get some experience." "We're definitely going to keep an eye on you." "I'll tell you what they said, literally:" ""That lad will make it." "In a couple of years he'll be one of the best and then we'll be the first to offer him a contract."" "In a couple of years?" "But I've already got a contract." "A trial contract." "And I don't think you've read it properly." "You only get a permanent contract if your first job is a success." "This was your first job." "It was good, but not good enough." "Mr Van Nieuwenhuyze goodbye." "Wow, the Garden Gnome was generous." "Nice working there." "Great girl, Rita." "Woman, Kerem." "Married woman, mother of 2." "Just because you're married doesn't mean you can't be a great girl." "And in my book, Rita's a great girl." "What are you going to do now?" "Apply again?" "No, there's no point." "It's obvious Breespoels has got something against us." "But legally we're entitled to a child, aren't we?" "What do you think?" "You studied law." "Yes, one year, and I failed." "Don't you think your view of having a baby is a bit too sentimental?" "The reality is often different from what you'd imagined." "I don't care." "I just want a child." "I'd so like to be a mother." "Like you." "And I'd like to become a woman again." "Like you." "After the birth, everything is so..." "No." "Please, say it's not true." "You can look on the positive side." "From now on I'll have lots more time for David." "Hi, Kerem." " Vic." "Vic, I know it's not my job." "I'm supposed to throw people out." "But I'm going to make an exception for you." "I appreciate your company, but I know you don't come to see me." "And the person you do come to see doesn't know that you come to see her." "She's inside." "Outside she'd be cold." "Get on in there..." "No touching the dancers and certainly not her, she's my girlfriend." "Since when?" "Since always." "We're made for each other." "Even if you sometimes kiss these diy old men." "I demand an apology!" "And I demand you get lost!" "Perve!" "I'm telling you again, no touching the dancers." "If you want physical contact, you can have that with me." "Got it?" "Vic, that man is a customer." "But he's not allowed to touch you is he?" "I'll decide what he can and can't do." "Sorry, Inge." "You can carry on dancing if it means that much to you." "I can carry on dancing?" "For how long?" "Until another colleague says something?" "That's my problem." "Inge, come home." "Please..." "Hurry up." "We can't keep this up for much longer." "And one for Granny..." "Christ, that took a long time." "Just for a few stupid photographs." "I enjoyed that, being in the pictures... and all that." " You would." "Oh, advertising's a load of rubbish anyway!" "Right, who's taking his wife, partner, kid, kids to training camp?" "No, no paners are going." "We're lucky we're allowed to go." "On the other hand, playing pros is the best excuse for going away on our own for the weekend..." "Look, here's Willems." "Don't worry, Eric." "I'm not here voluntarily." "The boss wanted me to come and test the atmosphere." "I must say I was wondering about this famous team of yours with people from all levels of society." "The bottom level is well represented, eh?" "Is Nancy really not coming to Texel?" "She's getting the nursery ready." "Is the adoption going ahead, then?" "I've got a tape of Breespoels and Inge." "If Mrs Breespoels were to see it..." "You're not going to blackmail him, are you?" "No, just make him sweat." "Just speeding up the adoption." "Amazing, eh?" "Kerem did that in one day." "Maybe we should send him some flowers?" "I gave him those banana plants, Jos." "What?" "We could've filled 6 skips for that." "Jos, that weekend on Texel..." "You asked me if I wanted to go." "Well, I've been thinking about it." "And I'd like to go." "That's sweet of you, but I'm staying here." "Why, Jos?" "First, Kerem is in goal, so they don't need me." "You could go for the fun." "And sit there like a wet blanket all weekend?" "That's a shame." "I was looking forward to it." "If you want to go to Texel you can." "On my own?" "Without you?" "I'll be OK." "Make the most of it." " Oh, Jos!" "We've come to talk to you." "You know my opinion." "And I don't intend to change it." "Obviously." "But you don't know ours." "We've brought a tape to show you the kind of child we'd like." "Oh, is that your child?" "Cute, really cute." "But we'd prefer something else, eh darling?" "We'd like a child with the same sense of rhythm." "As creative." "As beautiful." "As playful." "Have you got video or DVD at home, Breedsmoels?" "We don't want to come round with a video if you've got DVD." "Tell you what." "We'll give Mrs Breespoels both." "She can choose." "Eh, what kind of child did you want?" "A little boy." " From Peru." "16 months old." " Then he's already got his teeth." "I didn't know Rita was coming on the weekend." "We can't have that." "Everyone's paner was allowed to come." "I can't help it if yours prefer to stay home." "Yes, but Jos isn't coming." "Is that so bad, having a woman along?" "Eric, don't you get it?" "Rita." "Kerem." "Hi, lads." "On form?" "Yes." "We'll do Jos proud." "We're dedicating this training to our keeper and his children." "To his two children." "I'm sure he'll appreciate it." "Right, how are we going to get there?" " In that." "Lads, it's not looking good." " Look at those two." "Just like the Titanic." "Very romantic, isn't it?" "It's not romantic at all." "It's about lust and sex." "We've got to stop it." "You're a fine one to talk." "I seem to remember fidelity wasn't your strong point, either." "She can do what she wants but if she does it here, in front of us, that makes us accomplices." "We can't do that to Jos." "He trusts us." "Can't you get them arrested by the Dutch cops?" "Or tie them up and leave them on the boat." "Or we could take it in turns to keep Kerem occupied." "We won't leave them on their own for a moment." "What are you eating?" " Liquorice." "Want some?" "Nice, eh?" " Yes, the wind, the smell." "Anyone want some liquorice?" "No." "Thanks." "I don't want any, either." "It's always the same." "I come to Holland and see it." "I think, liquorice!" "And I eat some." "Then I think, I don't like liquorice." "But you can have the whole bag for your children or poorly husband." "Nice, eh?" "Lads, lads, lads!" "We're listening." "We've got 5 double rooms and 2 single rooms." "The singles are numbers 5 and 7." "I'll take 7." " I'll have the other single." "Why don't we share, Kerem?" "Training stas in 10 minutes." "With a run on the beach." "You're out of your mind." "I'm going to get a couple of hours kip, first." "A run on the beach all together." "A run on the beach all together." "Great!" "And early to bed." "I want everyone wide awake at training tomorrow morning." "Great, isn't it, doing everything together?" "Oh... oh... yes..." "Jos!" "Oh, Jos!" "Oh, Jos!" "Kerem!" "Kerem!" "Kerem, stop." "Christ." "What's up?" "I can't, Kerem..." "I can't!" "If I could, I'd definitely do it with you." "You're a great bloke." "But I can't, Kerem." "It's not difficult." "You just have to lay still." "I've been married for 10 years, I've got 2 children." "What did I expect?" "I don't know." "But I'd expected SOMETHING." "When a woman waits for me in the dunes at night... and lets me start, then I expect her to go for it." "Like me." "D'you know, I'm mad about you." "But you obviously aren't about me." "Sorry, but I love Jos." "I can't help it." "With the outside of your foot, lad." "Mr Bogaerts, can I speak to you in private?" "I'll be right back." "Goodbye." "Carry on, Jean-Marc." "I've been waiting for promotion for years." "I'm so close, and to be honest I don't feel like being overtaken by some whippersnapper..." "with a lot less experience." "My proposition is very simple." "You and your little team pull out and you leave the Sportland Cup to me." "Should you say no, and you might," "I will ensure that your mate, Franky, will never be able to adopt a child." "I know a lot of people, Eric, and I recently heard that your mate is blackmailing the head of the adoption agency." "Of course, that's punishable by law." "At least, that's what the cops tell me." "I know people there, too." "They also said that if I report Franky he'll get a light punishment." "That's good news, eh?" "But bad news always follows good." "The bad news is, with his reputation, Franky can forget about any of the adoption agencies!" "Franky hasn't blackmailed anyone." "He has just threatened, yes, true." "Very observant." "Congratulations!" "We both know how people think." "And those adoption agencies, too." "There's no smoke without fire." "Willems, I can go to the papers with this, too." "No, wait, I've got a better idea." "I'll tell Franky and you'll leave this island in a wheelchair." "Go ahead, Eric" "But in both cases, wheelchair, papers..." "I'll tell all the adoption agencies." "And there aren't that many, darling." "Take five and stretch." "The big boss of Eendracht." "Not there when there's sweating to do done." "Sir prefers taking a walk with a friend from work." "Shut your mouth, you." "Don't kid yourself." "It isn't because you're out of breath that you've been training hard." "On the contrary!" "Eric, you can see that the lads..." " I'll tell you what I can see." "No effo, no motivation, terrible physique and not an ounce of talent." "We're giving our all, here." "I'd like to see you do that." "Come on Eric, we're working hard." " We've never been in such good shape." "We've never trained so hard." " Bullshit!" "You'll never be ready to play the All Stars." "Not in a 100 years." "So stop dreaming." "Eendracht Vooruit won't be playing in the Spoland Cup." "I'll look for another team." "One that knows how to play." "We let ourselves be used so that you can become PR manager." "Does anyone mind?" "No." "I don't think they do, do they?" "Friends do that for each other." "But now you've sold your sodding campaign to your boss your friends aren't good enough any more." "You always have to win, eh?" "Win, win, win." "I thought I knew you." "I didn't think you were a yuppy who'd sacrifice everything for his career." "I was wrong." "You'd walk all over anyone for your career, including your best friends." "Calm down, Franky!" "As far as I'm concerned, you no longer exist!" "Good luck with your other team." "Kriekske..." "I still don't understand why Eric suddenly..." "I NEVER want to hear that name again!" "Things have cooled right down between Rita and Kerem." "Between you and Inge, too." "Still got sand in your eyes?" "You get married and you think everything will always be fantastic, but after a few months you know that isn't so." "To start with, you think..." "that's unimpoant..." "But forget to put the unimportant in perspective and it becomes impoant." "You staing focussing on it and see nothing but problems." "You get so fed up with those problems that anything different seems better." "That's all Kerem was." "Someone who happened to be there." "They say love is blind, eh Franky?" "But getting in a rut makes you even more blind." "I didn't know what I was doing until I..." "Franky, what have I done?" "You know that better than I do, Rita." "You were there." "That bastard can't do that!" "Take Franky's child away from him and your promotion away from you." "You should take someone like him to cou!" "It's not on!" "Hold me." "Smartypants..." "I've missed you." "I've bought them three rattles." "For their sense of rhythm." "They'll like that." " I'll take them out for a walk." "No, they need a sleep, they've just eaten." "Have you eaten?" "We had a today's special on the motorway but I wouldn't say no to some desse." "Jos." "Jos, are you there?" "Jos." "Jos..." "I..." " Don't say anything, Rita." "I know." "You've met someone else." "You want a divorce." "I've been thinking about it and I think you've made the right decision." "Things weren't that good any more." " They were." "Maybe we made a mistake 10 years ago." "Maybe we don't really belong together." "We just make each other unhappy." "And the children, too." "You can keep the business." "I'll start again somewhere else." "I've always thought Garden Gnome was a stupid name." "I'd rather have something more modern." "Such as the "I Blossom" Garden Centre." "or "The Planter" Garden Centre." "Or the JOS Garden Centre, Jovial, Original and Single." "You see, Rita, I've been thinking about it." "And I don't want any nonsense about the kids." "You can have them during the week and I'll have them every other weekend." "You won't get rid of me that easily." "I love you, Jos." "OK, that's settled." "What?" "I want you, Teddy Bear." "You and no one else." "But Rita, you don't give banana plants to..." "Jos De Paepe, that's enough!" "I missed you." "And he doesn't want his banana plants any more." "Nor do I. They're not coming back here." "I missed you, too, Rita." " Really?" "We're just a couple of softies." "But not everywhere, eh?" "Resigning?" "!" "Eric, you don't mean that?" "!" "Not now?" "Mr Vandenbergh, I seriously underestimated the organisation of the Sportland Cup." "I thought it was a great idea but..." "I can't pull it all together." "And I'd like to thank you for your confidence in me and the chance you gave me." "I wish you success." "And Mr Willems, too." "Sorry..." "Eric, you can't." "Eric." "I wanted..." "You first." " No, go on." "I don't think I've got the right to forbid you to do something." "No, it's your duty to help me with my business." "That's a bit over the top." "Help you with your business..." "What business?" "You see before you the proprietress of 'The Children's Campus' Ltd." "The what Ltd.?" "!" " 'The Children's Campus'." "I'm going to open a créche." " What made you think of doing that?" "Someone told me, not that long ago, that I can do whatever I want to do." "And I thought about it and that's what I want, a créche." "Good grief, a créche..." "And I'd like to do it here at home." "At least, if you don't mind..." "'Mind'?" "..." "I think it's fantastic!" "All our friends will bring their children here." "It'll be full up." "But how are you going to combine that with...?" "Running a créche is a full-time job." "So for the most pa I'm going to stop stripping." "For the most pa...?" "I'll carry on making house calls now and then..." "House calls...?" "In people's homes?" "Yes, in people's homes." "I've got one client that I want to carry on working for." "David?" "Are you going to help Daddy?" "Shall we look for a job for Daddy on the Internet?" "Are you going to press the mouse?" "That's it." "Well done..." "Vacancies..." "Press it again..." "Pa-time." "A part-time job, Mummy will like that." "Eric, this is the fifth message in your mailbox." "Will you please turn on your mobile." "Where have you been?" "I've left you at least 5 messages in my mailbox." "I know." "Kriekske, I know you want to be alone." "But there's no reason to disappear." "I was really worried." "I was just about to phone Jean-Marc." "I've resigned." " Resigned." "Why?" "Why not?" "I had my chance and I messed up." "Willems messed it up for you." "The winner takes all the Sportland chapter is closed for good." "Tomorrow I'll go and collect my stuff." "I didn't feel like doing it today." "You too?" "Don't, then." "The Buffalo Boys!" "Well, kiss my arse!" "The fucking Buffalo Boys are who put Jos in hospital." "It's a shame Eendracht isn't playing the match." "It's not my fault, is it?" "There they are." "Any time now." "Mummy!" "Daddy!" "I am Juan, your son." "...chosen from among hundreds of amateur teams, and the All Stars." "The man behind this original idea is the new PR manager." "The what?" "The PR manager." " Great word, eh, PR manager." "The new PR manager at Spoland, Johan Willems." "Shall I come in with you?" "I'm sure I can put few things in a box by myself." "Kriekske, d'you think I don't know what is going on?" "You pretend you don't care but you're torturing yourself inside." "Geert..." "leave it." "There's nothing to be done." "How do you know?" "Have you at least tried?" "Breespoels, what's going on?" "!" "This is Juan... your adopted son." " That's not a baby!" "He's almost as big as me!" "Franky, come on..." "As far as I can see the details are correct..." "Juan, from Peru, boy, 16... 16 months old, months, not 16 years old!" "I must have made a mistake." "I'll make a mistake in a minute..." " Franky!" "Look." "Look at that!" "You're lucky, mate!" "Right, Eric, uh, Eric Bogaerts." "Eddy and Ronny from the Buffalo Boys." "Look, the poof from Eendracht." "So, you already know each other, then?" "You bet!" "We've kicked some of those players into hospital a few times." "And not only kicked." "And you're the captain of those losers, aren't you?" "Eric, he asked you something." "He asked you something, Eric." "I was the captain, yes, if you must know." "The team no longer exists." " Shame." "We always enjoyed playing you." "All those setbacks." "Your team's stopped." "I hear you've stopped here." "All at the same time." "Poor thing!" "Willems, stop the crap now and leave Franky alone." "Eric, Eric, Eric..." "Ericske..." "A deal is a deal." "Even a deal with poofs is still a deal." "I become PR manager instead of you and your friend gets his kid." "Everyone is happy." "OK, maybe you're not so happy but that's a mere detail." "A mere detail, eh Eric?" " A mere detail." "Come on." "And say hello to the other poofs, eh, fairy?" "Don't tease him so." "One more thing, Eric." "The match is taking place on Eendracht Vooruit's field." "The contracts had been signed and I thought," "Eric won't mind." "It's going to be great." "Come and see." "You're going to have time now." "Eendracht could do with talent like that." "Eendracht no longer exists." "What are we supposed to do with the lad?" "You can, of course, refuse to accept him and send him back." "Franky, he's so cute." "And so friendly." "Come on, let's keep him." "Nancy, he doesn't speak a word of Flemish." "So?" "Neither did Princess Mathilde to start with but you should hear her now." "A son of 16 called Juan..." "We'll call him Jan or something." "Jan?" "That's far too ordinary." "No, leave it exotic." "Oh darling, thanks." "Have a nice day, Mr Leemans..." "Sorry, I made a mistake." "Come on, Juan, let's go." "Beautiful?" "Of course, there's nothing more beautiful than that." "Sorry, I meant..." "Congratulations." "I'll come round later, OK?" "Yes, right." "Bye." "And?" "Uh?" "Isn't this 34?" "Oh, I get it." "You're the 16-year-old baby!" "Yes." "Me baby Juan." "From Peru." "Oh yes!" "Me, I'm Gee." "From here." "Not here here." "Here in the neighbourhood." "I'm a friend of your Daddy." "I saw you are very handy with your feet." "Franky." "Congratulations on your son." "I think he'd be an ideal striker." "Stef phoned." "If it's about training, forget it." "No, it's about a crisis meeting." " Don't know anything about any crisis." "I do." "You will too, if you come." "Believe me." "You won't want to miss it." "And bring your baby." "Everyone wants to see him. 8 o'clock." "We've never had a Juan like him before!" "What is the first duty of every new father?" "To buy a round!" "And the first words of every new father?" "This round's on me!" "Lads, on behalf of Juan and myself..." "thank you." "I'm really touched." "I must say" "I didn't feel like coming here." "Yes." "And we all know why." "Crisis meeting, eh?" "About your arsehole of a boyfriend, I suppose?" "Yes." "I've brought you... all of you... here to... prove that Eric isn't a bastard." "Geert, fuck off, mate." "I can understand you trying but it won't work." "Come on, Juan, let's go home." "Eric." "Ericske..." "A deal is a deal." "Even a deal with poofs is still a deal." "I become PR manager instead of you and your friend gets his kid." "Everyone is happy." "OK." "Maybe you're not so happy, but that's a mere detail." "Who's that?" "What's he got to do with my kid?" "It's a long story." "I've still got to buy a few rounds." "I've got time." "Did you record that?" " Yes, but it was Geert's idea." "Why didn't you say anything on Texel?" "What would you have done if I had?" "Kicked the living daylights out of Willems, of course." "What do you think?" "Of course, and put an end to any adoption." "So this Willems was blackmailing you." "He stole your idea and your career." "You resign." "Eendracht loses out on the match against the All Stars." "All for me?" "Also paly for your cute baby." "Yes, Franky?" "Lads, that's all very well but we've got to decide where and when we're going to beat up this Willems." "I think we should keep it legal." "A legal beating up wouldn't be a bad idea." "Why don't we blackmail him, like he did to Eric..." "Kerem, I'm fed up with blackmail." "You know where it starts, but..." "I don't want to become a bastard like Willems." "Still, it's a shame Eendracht isn't playing this match." "The Buffalo Boys." "Fucking..." "Déjà vu again." "I'm glad we don't have to play them." "I'm just out of hospital." "I've thought of a way of getting back at them all." "I've got a concept." "Hi lads." "I know you from somewhere." " Pardon?" "I know you!" " Sit down, idiot!" "And make sure we're on the field on time or I'll personally make sure you wear that collar for the rest of your life." "OK?" "Didn't you hear what he said?" "Let's get out of here!" "Put your foot down!" "Don't stop, you poof." "Lads you're the poofs." "Rita, go!" "Go!" "Let's go." "You're in neutral!" "Just run them over!" "Ladies and gentlemen, spo enthusiasts..." "On behalf of Spoland, welcome to the splendid grounds of Eendracht Vooruit for the very first edition of what will certainly become a tradition, the Spoland Cup." "I won't try your patience any longer." "I can't wait to introduce you to a first-class line-up, a selection of living legends from professional Belgian football." "Ladies and gentlemen, your applause, please, for..." "The Belgian All Stars!" "Poofs!" "Poofs!" "And now... the challengers..." "A team of football enthusiasts, in body and soul, amateurs, in the true sense of the word." "Today unknown, tomorrow no longer your applause for the Buffalo Boys!" "Ladies and gentlemen, your applause again for the Buffalo Boys!" "Bloody hell!" "Sir, I don't know I don't understand." "I do." "Spoland has been made to look ridiculous." "Get that team onto the field immediately!" "It went brilliantly." "Brilliantly." "Ladies and gentleman, due to unforeseen circumstances, beyond my control," "I unfounately have to announce that today's match can't go ahead." "This is a disgrace for Spoland." "Sir, what can I say?" "What can I say?" "I'll tell you what I can say." "You're sacked, Willems." "It's show time!" "Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of..." "Sportland, I'd like to announce that the Spoland Cup will go ahead." "Thanks to the best team in the country... and to Eric, the new PR manager of Sportland." "Congratulations Eendracht Vooruit." "Congratulations everyone!" "We lost 18-1." "It could've been worse, 19-1..." "And who saved our honour?" "MY son!" "We've never had a Juan like him before!" "Have you lot paid to come in?" "Well done lads, well done." "A bit one-sided but a great goal, eh?" "Eric, thanks lad." "See you Monday, in the office?" "Yes, gladly." "But wearing a few more clothes, if possible." "Is it OK if I bring my new assistant with me?" "A PR manager chooses his employees himself, of course." "Not with a trial contract, eh?" "Your concept was your test and it was more than successful." "Was it?" " It was!" "Lads... boys and girls... your attention one more time, please." "Wednesday evening, training, OK?" "And if anyone has a problem with his children, there's only one address." "Inge's créche!" "Bloody hell!"