" What's the matter?" "What?" " He had a bad dream." "Wait, somebody"s at the door." " Morning, neighbour." " Good morn ing." " Coming to the bomb shelter?" " We wouldn"t rig ht now." "Suit yourself." "Just letting you know that the shelter"s ready." " Are they bombing civilians?" " You can"t be sure." "I don't trust them at all." "I advise you to come down." " You're risking your lives." " Thank you!" "Hello." "Dad, it"s you." "How are things?" "The siren stopped here." "Are you all rig ht?" "I am right to think that." "I know, you did call." "Okay..." "Okay." "I don"t mean it's okay." "It"s only a phrase." "If classes are cancelled, I"ll come, for sure." "See you." " Poor man." " Poor, indeed." "Remind me to kill myself when I reach his age." "That"s what everybody says." "He says we left him high and dry after my stepmother's death." "I'll have to go to see him, he doesn"t seem to be too good." "He's all alone, it"s not easy for h im." "And..." "Doctor Kole doesn"t want to tell me everything over the phone." "I am afraid he could be really ill." "You don't say!" "Jasna, thank you for letting me know." "No..." "I"ll try to see them today outside the faculty, of course." "We have to work without wasting any time." "L"ll hold my lecture, but outside the faculty premises." "If anything new comes up, leave a message with Tamara." "L"ll probably have to go away for a while." "Thank you." "Soldiers have moved into the faculty building." "Teaching"s been suspended until further notice." "I'd better go now, to see Peter Senior." "What will you do with Peter Junior?" "L"ll take him along to the surgery." "What will you do with your final year students?" "With your "illegitimate children"?" " Luckily, there's not many of them." "We'll sort something out." "I've got some Deutsche marks." "Let"s share our rainy day stash." " Lf I need money, I can ask from mum." " And I"ll ask dad." " Cheers, prof!" " I'm not a professor." "I am a war-hindered assistant professor." "And a suspended columnist for a bust mercenary newspaper." "Four years ago, at your first lectu re, you told us we were a little literary-terrorist group." "We fig ht a special war against illiteracy and can nibalism." "You remember what we said:" ""Not about politics"..." "But..." "The cannibals did everything they cou Id for this to happen to us." ""On ou r behalf" and "for our own good"." "Remember Andric: "Even when your own people make mistakes you must be on their side"" "I don"t know." "L"m not sure." "It's hard for me to tell you anything." "I wouldn"t like to hurt you." "We"re different." "We have the right to be different." "We must do our best to be as objective and as truth ful as possible." "Remind yourself of what Dositej said:" ""Nothing is dearer to me than those I am related to but the more I love them the more I am obliged to speak of justice and truth to them. "" "Now I sou nd like my father." "He's a retired director of a high school." "You know what kind of texts you have to write." "Set to it." "If any of you betray his own people or end up in Western Europe or America we won"t be ang ry." "Don"t move." "Stay in bed." "The sooner I go, the sooner I"ll be back." "L"ll call you." "I love you both!" "The world understands." "It slowly changes its opinion on these criminals." "They named themselves with the name on ly they wanted." "Two thirds of the humanity is already on our side striving to drive away the criminals from this region." "That the bombing ends and we do hope it will stop soon." "That these people will continue to work for their posterity!" "What was it like?" " What"s your name?" " What do you think?" "D jordje." "How do you know?" "You motherfucker..." "So, you did find some time for your father!" "?" "I don't know what happened to time?" "There used to be plenty of it for everything." "We didn't know what to do with it." "Now we don"t have time for anything!" "How's my grandson?" "The sirens frightened him a little yesterday." "He shoots the airplanes with an empty gun." "He'll get used to it." " Get used to what?" " To the bombing." "What do you thin k, how long will this getting used last?" "We won"t give up just like that." "They'll have to launch a ground attack if they mean business." "It's clean here." "Nagorka"s looking after you well." "Her brother was killed in Kosovo." "Be nice to her." "Poor soul..." " Is she here?" " She"s at work." "They took her on as a refugee to sweep the streets." "She works for 4 hours for pittance." "Sweeping the park." " Who looks after the children?" " She takes them with her." "Who wants to look after the boys year and a half old?" " Do you want some?" " No, thank you." "I had my blood pressure tablets, your friend Kosta prescribed." "He said I should avoid alcohol, particularly strong drinks." "Kosta means a lot to me, he fills your shoes." "Who gave you this?" "That friend of yours who runs the bar." "What was his name?" " Lalica?" "Zoki?" " Him." "He is very pleasant." " Strange colour!" " Sour cherry wood barrel." " How much do you pay Nagorka a month?" "20 Deutsche marks." " Why do you ask?" " You shou Id give her more." "She keeps you clean, cooks for you." "Sometimes we go to the river, along the embankment." " I enjoy it, but I try to avoid her." "Why?" " I would rather she were one of ours!" "Father!" "I know." "It would be a sin not to, but you know our people." ""He is paying a foreigner while our poor people are left without work, starving. "" "For God"s sake, what are you saying?" "She lost everything in Sarajevo:" "Her parents, her h usband." "And now her brother." "She looks after you as though you were her closest relative." "I know... sorry, please." "You know I like to speak my mind." "Father... father..." "I know, you're not defending her for nothing." "She fills the shoes of you and your wife." " I have nothing against her, but it"s not natural." "What?" "Had you married a girl from these regions..." "Tamara!" "The fact that I married a Croat is bothering you!" "She's a Croat but at least she has a beautiful Russian name." "Hello..." "Yes, I've arrived, what's new?" "He is okay." "Grandfather wants to hear Young Peter." "Hello, Peter, look here, listen and be careful." "A turtle dove is diving Peter's horse is writhing" "Pass Peter the bat The turtledove to splat" "To me salt the tu rtledove gives To a ram salt I give" "To me some fat the ram gives To a cat the fat I give" "To me a mouse the cat gives To an eag le the mouse I give" "To me a feather the eagle gives To a priest the feather I give" "To me a book the priest gives To God the book I give" "To me God gives delight I put delight out of sig ht" "And take my load into my abode." "L"m sorry." "I was in the surgery, it"s a madhouse." "L"ve come unannounced." "I won"t keep you long." "Mickey, my friend, you are my rarest and dearest guest." " When did you get here?" "Th is morning, on a sudden decision." "Because of dad and this whole situation, he"s all alone." "Enough said." "It's hard for him to be alone." " I kept him here for 2 weeks." "We did all the tests." "And...?" "I do as much as I can." "I often go to visit him." "He's rings up the emergency team all the time." "What do you mean?" "L"m joking." "I told him, Uncle Pera, whenever you need something just ring up my people any time of day or night." "He rings up at 3 in the morning and asks for some eye drops." " What are you going to drink?" " What have you got to offer?" "I've got a bottle of Jack Daniel's Silver Barrel." "Our friend from L.A. Sent it to us." "He came to visit h is mother last summer." "Stepped on a rusty nail." "It was touch and go." "He hadn't had tetanus shot in time." "He sent me this bottle to say "Thanks for saving my leg!"" ""I'll do my best to try to stop Clinton bombing you!"" " It doesn"t look like he managed." "True." "True." " Well, how are you Mickey?" " Cheers." "What can I say?" "You can see for yourself." "I can see." "You"ve got nothing to tell me." "And I have nothing to tell you either." "Well, well, Mickey." "We're completely screwed." "Yes... go on Milkica..." "What, what?" "Who?" "A colonel from Lucan i?" "Direct him to the Ministry." "You know how we stand." "Tell him we are only operating in growing toenails and such..." "Tell him doctor Kosta Sevic said so..." "Yes." "Fucking cunts, fucking showing off." "They want to fight the whole world without bandages." "At school you were always wiser than the rest of us." "Our whole childhood." "You were always interested in "shadows", not in real things." "We often read what you write." "Haven"t seen much of your work recently." "What is it?" "Those bastards won't let you?" "L"m sorry, sorry, sorry." "That's the Jack Daniel"s effect." "It could be worse." "If it was plum brandy, perhaps we"d start a fight." "Instead, we just talk crap." "How's your Hanna?" "Is she still as beautiful?" "The children?" "I don"t even know how old they are." "I would invite you for dinner at my place as I used to, but..." "It's a b it awkward..." "Hanna"s fine, never better." "She's more beautiful than when you saw her last." "I think she's blossoming." "She feels betrayed and neglected." "Her husband Kosta spends 15, 20 hours a day in the hospital." "He doesn't say no to any extra hour, extra emergency." "There's never enough money." "And you know Han na." "She's used to nothing but the best." "She isn't interested in sanctions, the war, nothing." "She says they're just excuses for incapable people." "She"s screwing around with some rich civil engineer." "The children are with g randparents, good at school." "Lea is 10, Vuk is 8." "They play the violin and piano." "They take after their mother in term of their looks." "I don't know whether I"m the father, or that builder." "It doesn't matter anyway." "I'll go to Canada." "To Quebec or Montreal." "Maybe somebody needs me." "My best friend from high school is here!" "My Mickey!" "I feel sorry for your mother." "She must have been completely miserable having such a witch." " Don"t you think?" " Mickey, Mickey..." "How old was your Angelina?" "Wasn"t she relatively young?" " Fifty five." " And she made excellent apple cake." "She died on March 13." "One year after Bosko, the very same day." "L"m sorry about your parents." "When you came to our class from Dubrovnik when I first set eyes on you, I thought you were an angel." "So ethereal, slim, transparent and magnetic." "You wrote first class poems." "I used to be "'tong ue-tied" whenever you looked at me." "What happened with all those years?" "Now I realize it was all a mirage, you like beans." " "Pasta faggioli"..." "I adore it." " Had I known that earlier..." "Had you known that earlier what?" "Nothing, I adore beans, but I don"t eat them." "Why not?" "Because of beans I lost the love of my life." "Are you pulling my leg, Mickey?" "We weren"t more than 10 years old, fourth grade, I thin k." "The first two years I was here." "The third and the fourth I was in Milanovac." "When my mu m and dad divorced, I came back here." "I stayed with my grandma and granddad, you remember." "Her name was Martha." "She was very..." "Well, she resembled you, but in a different way." "She was..." "I dont" know..." "so like a fairy's little girl." "She was timid and sensitive." "Like a squirrel or a butterfly." "Anything I said made her blush, though I never talked dirty." "L"d say"Can I borrow your rubber?" and she'd blush." "She sat at the desk in front of me, in a mixed class." "When I returned the rubber, she blushed even more." "But it sort of suited her." "She knew that." "I think if I'd said someth ing rude, she wou Id have died." "It occurred to me that I could kill her." "I liked the fact that I thought I was the only one who knew she would die if I said to her, say..." ""'Cock", "Martha cock"..." "She would have died of shame." "We've talked for years like two pally girls." " Like two old women..." " Okay, like two old women." "But you never mentioned Martha!" "Why?" "I always leave the most important stories till the end." "At the end of the fourth g rade..." "I finally managed to get her to go out with me for the day." "It was a marvelous time of year, right for skiving off school." "May, end of April May." "When do the farmers plough their fields?" "We set off from home early in the morning on a glorious day." "We went to swim to the river, to the watershed." "It was a heavenly spot where the river split in several parts." "The rapids, with the most beautiful sand and pebbles." "We dran k water from the river." "Everything was aseptic, then." "We crossed the newly ploughed fields, over the barriers." "You know what barriers are, don"t you?" "Very narrow and high." "The furrows were then somehow deep and b ig." "Ploughing was done with ploug hs, horses and oxen." "Actually, I don"t know, maybe the furrows weren"t so big." "We were small, I was probably half the size I am now." "Like this, half Mickey." "I walked 2, 3 meters in front of Martha." "We couldn"t walk side by side, the barrier was narrow." "Like a tig htrope at the circus, or so it seemed at the time." "You know what the farmers are like." "They want to use every last inch of g round." "The barrier ends up tiny, you can"t put your foot on it." "I was going first, carrying our picnic basket." "Sandwiches, soft drinks, raspberry juice, cherries..." "At the bottom of the basket I had a hidden surprise:" "Saint-Exupery"s The Little Prince!" "To read to her after swimming, to "'move" her, to excite her." "There were only another 100 m to go over that ploughed field." "We were about to reach the bank of the river." ""To live perhaps the most beautiful moments of our lives"." "But it wasn"t to be..." "My foot slipped, and suddenly, I fell into one of the furrows." "And..." "I let out a huge fart." "I don"t understand." "I had beans for breakfast, I left sandwiches for Martha." "The sandwiches were with butter and salami... very precious." "We were poor." "I'd eaten beans from the previous day." "When my foot slipped, I farted..." "A loud, loud fart..." "And what happened then?" "Nothing." "What do you mean nothing?" "I put everything back into the basket, hopped on the barrier." "Without tu rning around, I carried on walking." "I wished the earth would open up." "There is no need to tell you, you can imagine for yourself." "My heart stopped beating from embarrassment." "Yet, I plucked up the courage and turned around." "But there was no trace of Martha." "Where did she go to?" "I don"t know." "How long it lasted?" "After you fell into the furrow..." "that after you turned around?" " Perhaps 5, 10 seconds." " It's only a second." "It was an enormous flat field." "Like an airport." "There's a stadium and tall apartment blocks there now." "I don"t know." "Perhaps she sank into the earth in shame." "Can you imagine how she felt, when I felt awful... so awful..." "And...?" "And nothing." "An X file." "It will remain a mystery." "L"ve never seen her again." "She didn't finish that year at school." "Maybe she moved away all of a sudden?" "Perhaps she returned to Dubrovnik." "Or Split... or Pula." "Perhaps she died." "Yes, most probably she died of shame." "You liar..." "Mickey, you liar..." "You"ve made it all up just to upset me." "Each word..." "Everything I"ve told you is absolutely true." "Yes, I believe she was from Du brovnik." "She probably returned there." "I swear she was from Dubrovnik." "She was from Dubrovnik, just like you, and she went back." " Or she died..." " You are a liar..." "You damned girls from Dubrovnik!" "You bitches from Dubrovnik." "You ruined my life..." "Martha started it, you finished me off." "You still wash your hair with rain water... you witch...?" "Don"t do that to me." "L"m doing nothing." "You don't g ive a fuck for your friends left in the country?" "Mickey, my friend..." "What are you drinking, where did you get that?" " I helped myself." " Why, that"s shit!" " It seems okay to me..." " Who drinks brandy with herbs?" "If you see herbs in brandy, you know it"s bad alcohol." "All those gentian root brandies, all that's poison." "Why do you have them in your bar?" "What am I supposed to have?" "Chivas, hundred years old?" "The locals would drink the river if it were brandy, not water." " Here..." " Just babbling." "And that red stuff?" "You gave to my dad?" "This is the one." "Something else." "That"s medicine." "Taste it." "Get my drift?" "Medicine." "It"s expensive stuff!" "It's better than Valium, hydrocicline, cocaine." "You can find it only at Zoki's." "Ciba, and Bayer and Galenika can"t make it..." "Only Zoki." "That's why I took a bottle of this to your father." "Kole told me that nothing can be done for him." "You've given this du mp a wonderful and original name." ""Chez Zoki"." "You could have thought of a more original name." "Something like "Mickey, call on Zoki"," "Or "Drop in, brother", or "Millen nium"." "Maybe something refined and sophisticated." "Like, "Chez Hieronymus Bosch"." "You like the min iatures?" " They're exquisite." " You must be joking?" "I'm not." "You are one gifted fool." "You sit here in this dump and you could be living in Paris." " It's all the same shit..." " What shit, Zoran, you fool!" "Those miniatures are wonderful, something rare, and precious." "It's better to live from your own talents than fake brandy." "It"s easier to live from fake drink than from selling one"s own soul." " It's your talent." "You fool..." "After all, you see how vain you are." "Why did you hang them on the wall if they're your soul?" "Nobody pays any attention to them." "They think it"s from a glazier"s shop or the flee market." "You know how many fools pass throug h here?" "They would take the stools, nobody even looks at these." "L"m the only one who looks at them." "That"s exactly the point." "Fools can't see it." "A great gift is also needed to recog nize great gift." "You"ve got a high opinion of yourself." " I've got no choice." " What do you mean?" "How come you heard me that far away?" "It"s some sort of sound phenomenon." "On th is bank you can hear the most delicate sounds." " Look here:" "Eat shit." " You said, "'eat shit"." "There's some fifty meters here... that's incredible!" "Come on." " There's more of it in the cellar." " More brandy?" "No... more paintings." "How many?" "About a hundred." " You're kidding?" " L"m not." "That"s why I live here." "If I didn"t have that cooked pine, I'd kill myself." "Come in, Mister Mickey." " I can come back later." " Come, they are almost asleep." "They are big boys." "What are their names?" "Hajrudin and Bahrudin." "They are almost 9 months." " And who is the older one?" " Hajrudin, ninety minutes." " How"s your wife and young Peter?" "Fine, fine, thanks." " What can I offer you?" " Don't..." "I'll have a biscuit." " Do you have everyth ing you need?" " We get by." "We"ll try to increase your..." "20 marks is really very little." "And you do take good care of my father." "I know you don"t have enough for yourself." "It means a lot to me that I don"t have to pay the rent." "It's a bit too hot in here..." "because of the ch ildren." "My father told me about your brother." "I don"t know what to say." "It"s terrible..." "I don't know..." "Someone"s got it in for us." "First my parents, then my Mirza..." "And now my younger brother Emir, disappeared..." "There, there..." " Why are you crying?" " I tried to stir the fire." " Why aren"t you sleeping?" " I can"t." "There weren"t any air-raid sirens last night?" "There were, there were..." "only you didn't hear." "When you reach my age, bombing doesn't u pset you much." "We've been through that several times before." " My dreams trouble me!" " In what way?" "I think I dream constantly." "Always two dreams." "One and the same." "That exhausts me a lot..." "Your grandson has nightmares occasionally, too." "You never told me that." " It"s common with children." " Do you have nightmares?" "In all these years this is the first time you ask me?" "I am a nightmare!" "I carried the relay baton for President Tito's birthday." "One morning several military trucks arrived." "They crammed all of us boys inside and drove us away." "Then... they dropped us off one by one every 200 or 300 meters." "A wilderness with not a single living soul." "Snakes, wasps..." "lizards, bumblebees..." "I couldn't piss." "What if the baton arrived and there"s me soaked with piss." "How?" "I think I was eleven or twelve." "I never again felt so lonely deserted, and rejected." "I am waiting for the baton." "And now, the baton arrives." "Some men, on a "Zundapp" with flags in their hands." "They pressed the piece of wood into my hand." "And I start running, I ran as if my life depended on it." "I hand over the baton and fall down." "L"d completed my big task!" "We waited till dusk." "Then they returned us to school in same trucks." " Have you seen doctor Kosta?" " Yes." "What"s he got to say about me?" "He says that you are a very naughty patient." "You don"t take your medicine regularly." "Whenever things become serious, you keep ringing him up." " He doesn't say that, does he?" " I'm joking." "Have you seen your other friends?" "Some of them." "L"ve seen Zoki, Joy." "L"ll see Rale at some point, he's on duty... all the time..." "All these former pupils of mine turned out to be good people." "Except me." "Have you dropped in on Nagorka?" "Yeah." "You told me her brother was killed." "She says he disappeared." "You are so naive!" "Disappeared!" "That's what they say!" " She shouldn"t be deprived of hope." " The truth is better." "You mentioned a second dream." " You dreamed in two parts..." " It was another." "Separate dream, but they are thematically connected." "I'm the writer, you're interfering with my work." "Do you remember this spoon?" "Is this silver or alpaca?" "I remember." "It was the only one in the set." "Somehow it set lonely among the other spoons." "I didn"t like it, it was too big and heavy." "In my dream I saw late Milutin." "He asked for th is spoon." "He goes around the house looking for the spoon." "He asks me where the spoon is." "I say "I don"t know", he starts to beat me." "I was only 9." "He starts to beat me brutally." " It's only a dream." " It actually happened." "And I saw it in my dream." "Like a beaten dog, covered in blood, I was lying in the cellar." "After some time he came to me." "He took me in h is arms and started kissing me asking me to forgive him." "That night my Milutin killed himself!" " Why did you never tell me that?" " I've just told you now." "Why is this spoon so important?" "Tito gave him that spoon in the spring 1941." "Why a spoon?" "He didn't have his medals yet, he was still acting underground." "He was probably giving away the gold and silver spoons stolen from bourgeois families and God knows what else?" "Where is the difference between your dreams and actual events?" "They differ in light." "When I carried the baton and when my father beat me and then killed himself it was a beautifu I day in May." "And in my dream everything was dark, without su n." "And threateningly cloudy." " What y" want?" " I'd like to see Rale." "Why d" y' want the chief?" "L"d like a drink." "All the bars are closed." "Domanovic is some relative of you rs?" "I wish he were, but he isn't." " What's your name?" " Mickey." "There's some Mickey looking for you!" "Okay." "You were lucky to run into me." "No one can take a joke any more." "People lost their sense of humor." "Especially in the police." "Go on, Mickey." "You wanted a drink?" "I didn't know bosses are eavesdropping on their staff." "I thought it was the other way around." "Everything's gone up shit creek." "Are you su re no-one is listening in to you?" "They can reach me down." "What can they do to me?" "Give me the boot?" "Who wants to do what I"m doing?" " And what are you doing?" " I beat and kill people." " You're joking!" " I'm joking." "You"ve got some new, clever, witty bo ys and girls." "There's only brains now in the police." "The brawn's in the military." " Cheers, Mickey!" " Cheers!" "It's a shame to drink it with ice." "Remember how many summer evenings of our childhood we spent playing hide-and-seek?" "With Kole, Zoki, Joy, Jovica..." "Counting to thirty and hiding." "You were the best "searcher", you were the quickest." "Only you managed to escape me several times..." "I couldn"t find you." "I thought you'd gone home." "You stayed hidden the whole night in the tree." "It's only a game." "You taught me one of the most important lessons in life." ""Never give up"." "I realized that later, at the end of high school." "After we saw "The Searchers"." "Now, in Belgrade I found your dossier at HQ." " My dossier?" " Your dossier." " You're having me on." " L"m not." "Had anyone weighed up what you said or wrote, or even worse, put you on trial..." "You'd have been dead or sentenced to life long ago." "Why did whoever forgive me?" "Why didn't he put me on trial?" "You only talked!" "You didn"t do anything." "You didn't follow u p your words with action." "That"s why they left you alone." "There's some truth in that." "That's what upsets me." "No matter what you say it has no effect." "Everybody is resistant to everything." "And what can you do?" "How can you change things?" "I was seriously considering to set myself on fire on Terazije Square." "Why didn't you?" "It wou Id only confirm suspicions about my mental state." "Second, you have to be brave to set yourself on fire." "The 3rd and most important th ing that prevented me from doing it, ...was a certain dose of non-originality in the act." "It's already been done and still is, for similar reasons." "I respect intellectual and moral copyright." "I'm vain." "I think I am very creative and I like original solutions." "Am aware that with human spirituality being so developed, ...it's very difficult to be original nowadays." "Particularly with underrated language and culture." "I tried to get involved in politics." "To help a little with what"s called "democratic process"." "But it's difficult." "It requires a special gift." "Interacting with the people." "I haven"t got that gift..." "and I tried with all my might." "Spiritual values have an ever smaller price." "Their devaluation is u nbelievable." "There was a time when I could have been an example." "I carried the torch of truth with all my youthful madness." "Now when I know and feel something..." "I write... defending the truth." "But, it's pointless." "It's all pointless, my dear Rale..." "There, that"s it." "Maybe it's lucky you weren't capable of action." "It saved you r life." "Words... words!" "Well, I don't know." "Maybe I'd swap my life for the ability to act." "Dear Mickey..." "Does the dossier "lie"?" "I mean, are there made-up things in it or..." "I think it"s all true." "It's you." "It's your words and your way of th inking." "Your extremism about communism and nationalism." ""Leftist right lean ings" and you r "fascism"." "Your "scorn" for your own milieu and people." "If my people are wrong, it doesn't mean I have to be wrong." "Your ways and your impudence ring out." "Or your idea of the truth." "And whose testimonies are they?" "Who says what I say and thin k?" "Everybody." "Who's everybody?" "Your surroundings..." "your milieu." "What does it mean my "surroundings" and "milieu"." "Can you be more specific?" "Don"t hold back." "Your colleagues, professors, assistants, doctors family, friends, taxi drivers, waiters..." " Least of all students..." " What do you mean by family?" "I mean family." "Father?" "In a way." "He speaks of you with uncontrollable anger." "With a lot of illustrations and a lot of facts." "For him, you're a kind of vent, from your student"s days." "And Tamara?" "Her in particu lar!" "Wait, no." "I don"t understand." "Are you..." "Why..." "Are you su re about Tamara?" "Sorry." "It's nothing to do with me being in love." "I simply can't think of any logical motive." "I had to tell you." "I love you." "For a long time I"ve considered you a real friend." "Maybe I want to show how close we are by telling you all this." "I know you are most vulnerable to the "'truth"." "You were never afraid to call a spade a spade." "You can't criticize me because you made me, I'm your pupil." "I spent my whole ch ildhood admiring you." "The truth was there." "But you were the only to use it." "I was shocked when you openly said to the teacher:" ""I cut classes, I found them so unbelievably boring..." "I can"t look at you every day, I"ve got no excuse letter... "" "When I asked you about the stains on your trousers... you told me: "Just now, in the toilet, I jerked off on Joy"." "Kole, Zoki and me once wh ipped you playing poker." "At the end you said calmly," ""If only you knew how disgusted you make me feel!"" "We all felt the same in similar situations." "But none of us dared utter a word." "I thought long as to whether to tell you this." "The truth can kill." "I decided that you are strong enough." "In a way you"ve been dead a long time." "You"re reconciled to the truth." "You can't be killed twice." "I don"t know if I am right?" "Am I, Mickey?" "Yeah." "Rale, you are one serious g uy." " You've grown up and developed." " And I"ve got my hands dirty." "Well... that's also something..." "You're not a ballerina." "Excuse me." "Yes?" "Send a refrigerator truck or a covered truck." "We'll load up the children." "Excuse me, please..." "They killed some children down there." "Nobody's allowed to know." "Sorry..." "I"m being haunted and followed by small children on trucks." " I don"t understand." " I dreamt about small children in trucks." " You are joking?" " I'm not joking." "Everything's all right." "Do you know anything about Nagorka's brother?" " You know Nagorka?" " I know." "That unfortunate creature that takes care of your dad." "She says the boy disappeared in Kosovo..." "Emir." "From that first group we mobilized, 17 of them..." "None returned." "They were all refugees, or sons of refugees." "They never even made it to their posting." "You know, Rale, it's a tragedy." "The most important things happen in police stations." "I n schools, facu Ities, universities, ministries in embassies, the Academy of Science, Patriarchy..." "Nothing happens there." "This is where it all happens." "Another drink." "L"m sorry." "It hap pens." "Of course it happens when you let me wait for 15 years." "Calm down." "Calm down Mickey, Mickey!" "You had a bad dream." "We all have n ightmares in my family." " I had a dream..." " What were you dreaming about?" "We're playing hide-and-seek." "Everybody"s trying to find me." "I wanted to hide so perfectly, nobody could ever find me." "It'll come true for sure." "In the grave, though." "It depends who"s doing the searching..." "Have you got any cold beer in the house?" " Do you want a can or a bottle?" " It's all the same." "It was the begin ning of summer." "I came to your yard and your house, looking for you." "You weren't there to come out to play... your father was there." "He asked me to come inside." "He was sitting on the bench by the wall, under the black locust." "I n h is lap he was holding a beautiful small airplane." "Painted in red, with a propeller." "He was varnishing it." "Yes, he used to make beautiful toys of wood." "Especially small airplanes." "He was a modelist." "He said that you and your mother were in the country, visiting your grandparents and picking raspberries." "Since I gazed at the wooden airplane in his lap he asked me if I would like to have the airplane." "He said he would g ive it to me if I gave him something." "What could I give h im?" "I would have given my life for such an airplane." "He said he would just play with his willy and my bum." "He lifted the airplane from his lap." "From his trousers peeped out his big pinky "willy"." "This isn"t too unpleasant for you?" "No, just go on." "I didn't have any turbulent emotions surrou nding that." "I mean..." "I simply didn"t know what it was all about." "And then what happened?" "Nothing, somebody came along." "The deal collapsed." "I didn't get my little plane." "I had to tell you this." "It was the only thing in the world and in my life which I sort of couldn't tell you." "You don't mind, do you?" "Of course I don't mind." "I could tell you a lot of things about my father, too." "But I'm not you." "L"m not so brave." "Along with the bloody and inky Shakespeare I remember your poetry as being the most exciting..." "Of course for non- literary reasons as well, but..." "Can I help you?" "It'd be crazy not to have it pub lished." "Stop trying to talk me into it." "You know it"s useless." "It's too late now." " I suppose you carried on writing?" " Yes, I did." "This is for your eyes on ly." "When you"ve read it burn it." " How about giving this to somebody?" "No." "No way." "The world around us is crumbling." "We're all going trough hell." "People are suffering, dying, fleeing from their bu rning homes." "Whole nations are in decay and falling apart." "Mother Nature is going trough hell." "The "Good Lord" is on the verge of abolishing the hu man race." "Ad here we are, pu blishing books of poetry." "That"s exactly what Shakespeare says." "That's your ink." "Only that can save us from complete disaster." "Trace of our pain will remain." "We shall capture time." "That"s all wonderful, Mickey." "But it's only a dream." "There's nothing." "After us, there's nothing." "Everything's so senseless." "Have a good look at everyone arou nd you." "Look at your tribe." "Do you like what you see?" " I'm hungry." " There"s bean casserole." "L"ll eat beans for breakfast." "Even if you too, run away." " Joy..." " Yes?" "Have you mentioned me often all these years?" "L"ve thought about you every day." "Only thought?" "I never mentioned you aloud." "When other people spoke of you, I kept silent." "It was my revenge." "You didn"t exist for me." "You don't exist now either." "I only saw you in my dreams." "L"m awake." " Why aren"t you asleep?" " Why aren't you?" "L"m a famous "'insomniac"." "You remember, as a small boy I slept very little." "You were all worried." "I suppose I inherited it from you." "I can"t remember ever seeing you asleep." "Whenever I saw you lying down, I tiptoed around." "And, thoug h your back was turned, just like now, you would say something like:" ""'Where have you been till now?"" ""'Go straight to school" or "'You"ll be a complete failure"." "There on the table, in that folder you will find some photographs of you with your late mother." "And your school certificates from junior and high school." "And the watch she gave you upon graduation from hig h school." "What are you planning to do with me?" " In what sense?" " I can't live on my own." "To retirement home... never." "You know?" "I suggested you come and live with us in Belgrade." "In a tiny attic with the 3 of you, in that disg usting city?" "It'd be better if all of you came here." "Wait, I really don't know how..." "how do you see that?" "With your title you could get a job here as teacher." "Tamara could work at the school as a psychologist." "Or she could get a job at the hospital." "You've plenty of your school friends who would help you." "You can live here." "The house is big." "You know, life in the country is cheaper." "It would be healthier for the child to live here." "There's big yard, the river..." "Yes!" "And then we would be one big "happy family"!" "You can be as ironic as you like." "But you lot are wasting your time in Belgrade..." "The best years in company of th is murderer, and butcher and his satraps." "He is on ly protecting the interests of this poor nation." "He is the only genuine honest Serb." "Father, please." "We"ve already done this subject in "'87 and"91" "I don"t know if you've had enough of it, but I have." "You brought him up, not me." "Father..." "He's caused the disintegration of this whole region." "He killed half a million people." "He drove another three million out of their homes." "He brought permanent misery to another fifteen million people, ...directly or indirectly." "Those of us who"ve survived it's only a question of how long we'll live for." "In this country..." "Gifted, wise and serious people have become unnecessary." "Some of them realized this and left in good time." "They risked to be condemned as traitors of their own people." ""A million of young traitors", search for happiness abroad." "In their country pigs and rhinoceroses have taken over." "A major sin for a whole generation... but okay, okay." "One day maybe they"ll return here with big money and big goods acquired in that "wrong" world." "Then they can place their moral and intellectual capabilities if anyth ing moral remains, at the disposal of their people," "...and together with them start grunting in un ison." "Here he screws arou nd with the whole world." "A psycho... a beast." "The worst th ing is that there isn't a word, or even language, ...that can describe such shameless lunacy..." "That madness that accompanies him, and, of course... most of the people who support him and keep him in power." "Well, somebody had to take responsibility." "And then, of course, there's a price that has to be paid." "Wait." "Of what "taking of responsibility' you are talking?" "He did something that none of us Serbs was able to do." "He th umped the table with h is fist and said what was what." "He said he didn't ag ree." "And he shouldn't agree." "Let them crush us." "It doesn"t matter!" "We come out with our pride intact." "Yes!" " Life isn't important." " For you... you are100." "What about your grandson?" "I don"t want to mention myself." " My generation is completely fucked." "Don"t swear." "What will happen to those children?" "That maniac with the help of most of his nation." "Well, half." "He"s done away with life, alienated us from everybody." "His project for Serbia is called the grave!" "You can see it's coming true." "It's only a matter of days." "And he gets support even from people like you." "What do you mean even people like me?" "Dad..." "The war here's not only Sloba and the Serbs against America, Eu rope, the world." "There are other fronts opening up." "The peasants here are fighting against the townsfolk." "Every ethnic group against every other ethn ic group." "Not to mention different ideological positions." "Partisans, Chetniks, sh it!" "The illiterate hate the literate!" "When asked, "How are your children, 90% of peasants reply:" ""'They've left home, left the ploug h." "They live on pencils"." "To be literate here is embarrassment." "As a rural culture fiend, you should know best." "Here the ugly are fighting against the beautiful." "It's indecent and tasteless to be transparent, ethereal and clean." "Whoever washes often and doesn't stink is suspicious here." "Whoever writes poems is a queer or a lesbian." "The children here..." "Go ahead!" "Get it off your chest..." "If it"s going to make you feel better." "With my veins and diabetes, with my heart condition..." "With that cancer you are keeping secret from me, I can't run away." "You have audience." "L"m listening!" "The children here hardly wait for their old parents to die." "So they can live in a quiet and civilized way." "Come on, come on." "Keep going!" "In the civilized world people who live together are bound by love and respect." "But here, people are bound together by hatred." "You live with someone so you can hate him and be hated." "The unbreakable bond in at least two million marriages here." "The magnetism of hatred!" "Banishing all love and feelings from one's life." "Leaving only hatred!" ""Wonderful words", "Wonderful portrait of one's own people"..." ""When a man is no good he blames his own people", says Andric." "Dad, spare me Andric, please!" "The rules of the game no longer apply here." "This is helter-skelter!" "You lie there coolly quoting Andric." ""'Our Nobel Prize winner"." "There, we even have one of those." "Predominantly a Serb - 75%." "Our Serbian-Croat-Bosnian mother gave birth to h im, too." "Oh, my child, my wretched son." ""Even when your people are wrong, you must be with them"..." "You vote Milosevic, you adore h im, and you quote Andric." "Bugger it." "You hate everything that"s decent and beautiful." "That few miserable middle-class." "Men, women and children longing for en lightenment, civilized ways, democracy." "That minority you can"t bear to look at." "That's right, come on my son, go on!" "You"d love to see them dead." "Sloba"s encouraged you." "And one of these beautifu I n ights he'll g ive the signal." "Door-to-door slaughter to begin. "Spare no-one"!" "Bravo, bravo... ta-ta-ta-ra..." "Everything that"s clean, educated, beautiful." "Everything that wants to work, to live, to travel, to read." "To look, to laugh, to make love, to drin k whisky and Coca Cola to wear clean jeans, to have a pierced ear." "Exterminate them all, like vermin!" "It's just like that." "When you were born..." "I prayed to God for you to grow up." "To become a good, honest, useful man." "But you..." "You go to that poor woman to express your condolences." "How?" "With you r cock..." "Father, father..." "God didn't answer my prayers." "Your mother died because of it." "She defended you." "She defended your journey into a cul-de-sac." "We divorced because of you." "Because of me?" "Because of me?" "How can you even mention that poor woman?" "I may be a vampire, but with some human contours." "While you're a beast." "No, something worse." "Father, father..." "you"re a monster." "No!" "That"s nothing, that"s not enough." "Words can't describe you, that's why you like these "patriots"." "You come from the same virus." "You are against "'sense"." "Against the ideas of life." "You"re necroph lilacs." "Too soft..." "You're something worse... you are the worst." "There's no scale for you." "Last night, with that unfortunate woman," "I lived the most exciting and beautiful moments of my life." "I gave her everyth ing I cou Id." "Sincerity and compassion." "It was probably wrong and it may appear pathetic or perverse." "But it was pure." "It is complicated, dark, and elusive." "But our motives are as plain as can be." "It's giving, it"s taking from yourself, it"s apologizing!" "It's against unjust and cruel destiny that"s befallen us all!" "But only some are real losers." "The unfortunate ones, like her!" "Everything." "They loose everything." "I can at least kiss her feet and face, and say I am sorry." "The more you talk and try to explain things the more you trip over yourself." "I g uess you see for yourself how wrongheaded you are." "You"re just like you r mother." "She did everything for me, you did nothing." "She encouraged me." "You should have been discouraged, instead." "Death would"ve been better than encou ragement." "Your mother knew, she very well knew." "She was supporting something wrong and stillborn." "Why?" "Why support a shit... or a snail?" "What does that mean?" "!" "I accept, I agree." "I'm a snail." "An absolute nobody." "Nothing, zero, vermin." "A tiny democratic fart." "Mickey, the man who "screwed up all his chances"." "L"m the sh it from a sh it's sh it." "But you!" "You surpass the idea of general cosmic shamelessness!" "When you said..." "You wanted to study literature, philosophy, art, I warned you." "When you went to the Belgrade Un iversity." "If you remember?" "We were standing in the rain, waiting for the bus." "At that time there was no shelter at the bus stop." " Oh God, can it be." " I told you: "Son... "" ""I don't want to order you or to blackmail you. "" ""Do what you think is best for yourself. "" "I thought you were mature enough to make such decisions." "I believed you understood your tiny nation is in distress." "That you were ready to serve it." "There was more than one way for you to show that." "These people need teachers, engineers and doctors to stay here with the people." "To try to raise it up!" "After fifty years long blunders of that senseless Yugoslavia." "The Serbs need every honest and sensible man!" "You opted for fogginess, haziness, for cobwebs." "Writing, art..." "All of you who fantasize, you're all degenerates and monsters!" "The peasants are right." "All of you who hold the pencil and live from it you should be exterminated." "You reproduce and forge gen uine, full-blooded life and make sorcery from it." "You"re a degenerate who I"m ashamed of." "L"d have been better off resting my dick on a rock than making you." "Yes, yes..." "You, peace of shit." "Please, come over here." "It"s urgent." "Yes, at my father"s." "The door"s open." "I won't offer you a drink." "You're on duty." "Old Peter would"ve died anyway in a month or two." "Pity..." "I"ve always done everything ahead of time." "That"s my hard luck." "I was left without an arg ument in an absurd row." "His impertinence was decisive, actually." "He neither wanted to hear nor to know!" "Stupidity unwilling to understand." "We can sort this out." "Your father didn't really want to live." "He asked me to give him a gun." "Classic suicide of a seriously ill and lonely old man." "Don"t do for me what you are doing for this government." "We're friends, aren"t we?" "Just do me one favour." "Give me 24 hours." "You know that all my life I"ve done nothing but bullsh it." "Now you can say that I've started to act." "Sorry..." "As you can see I succu mb to influences, too." "Close your eyes and count to 86,400." "Than start looking for me." "L"m going to h ide." " A turtle dove is diving" " Peter"s horse is writhing" " Pass Peter the bat" " The turtledove to splat" "The turtledove to splat!" " To me salt the turtledove g ives" " To a ram the salt I give" " To me some fat the ram gives" " To a cat the fat I give" " To me a mouse the cat gives" " To an eagle the mouse I give" " To me a feather the eagle gives" " To a priest the feather I g ive" " To me a book the priest gives" " To God the book I g ive" " To me God gives delight" " I put delight out of sight" "And take my load into my abode, bang!" "What did you get for me?" "From you r grandfather." "You'll eat with it when you grow u p." "Now, you can just look at your reflection in it." "It's very valuable." "An antique." "With incredib le history." " What?" " The spoon." "What kind of history?" "That will forever remain a secret." "How's your dad?" "He's dead." "You"re kidding?" "!" "L"m not." " What do you mean "dead"?" " Exactly what I say." "I killed h im." "Mickey, what are you talking about?" "I killed h im." "Like a dog." "Why, for God's sake?" "!" "Daddy, will you kill us, too?" ""Since brass, nor stone, nor earth nor boundless sea"" ""'But sad mortality o"er- sways their power"" ""'How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea"" ""Whose action is no stronger than a flower?"" ""O, how shall summer's honey breath hold out"" ""'Against the wrackful siege of batt"ring days"" ""'When rocks impregnable are not so stout"" ""Nor gates of steel so strong, but Time decays?"" ""'O fearful meditation!" "Where, alack"" ""Shall Time's best jewel from Time"s chest lie hid"" ""Or what strong hand can hold his swift foot back"" ""'Or who his spoil of beauty can forbid?"" ""O, none, unless this miracle have might"" ""'That in black ink my love may still shine bright. ""