"Sabrina, what are you doing home?" "I thought your new job at Pork on a Pole started this afternoon." "It did." "I quit." "Why?" "Were the working conditions unsafe?" "No." "Was your boss a total monster?" "No." "You got caught with you hand in the till, didn't you?" "No." "Sabrina, no matter what happened, no matter how horrible, we'll understand." "HILDA:" "Within reason." "Where's your dignity?" "The worst part is, I had to buy it." "( upbeat rock theme playing )" "Tonight, the curious case of the teenage witch." "Yes, I am the first junior to get our class ring." "Daddy bought it for me after I gave him the silent treatment for a week." "Don't touch." "I think class rings are so ugly." "I've gotta have one." "Any luck on the job front?" "Nothing that doesn't involve polyester and public humiliation." "Yeah, same here." "And let me be the first to tell you, chicken suits don't breathe." "Oh, if you ladies are strapped for cash," "I know a place where you can make top dollar." "Really?" "Where?" "My house." "I'm looking for some enterprising young person to scrape the guano off my bat house and the entire 75 cents an hour is, uh, under the table." "( chuckles )" "You know the scariest thing about his offer?" "What?" "I'm thinking about taking it." "I don't know what I'll do if Sabrina ever finds out." "Man, you're in a tough spot." "Sabrina, a girlfriend should not eavesdrop on her boyfriend." "Let me do it." "No, wait." "It's not eavesdropping." "They're talking so loudly it's impossible not to overhear." "Now pipe down." "Harvey." "Sabrina." "Uh, we were just listening-- Looking for you." "So, uh, do you wanna go job-hunting after school today?" "No." "I mean, I can't." "I already have plans." "I have to... take care of my plans." "Are we done with the third degree here?" "Don't worry." "I'm sure he's not seeing someone else." "I wasn't even thinking that until now." "You know, I'm starting to get a little worried that Sabrina hasn't solved the family secret yet." "I can't wait to see the look on her face when she gets it." "I wish we could just tell her." "And ruin the surprise?" "Sabrina, you're eavesdropping." "It's not eavesdropping." "It's controlled overhearing." "I was gonna say, you can hear better through the air vent in the laundry room." "Do you think my aunts are gonna get me my class ring as a surprise?" "BOTH:" "No." "( squeals )" "You know, it's very rude to eavesdrop on people." "I know." "I overheard someone say that." "When you eavesdrop, you never get the entire story." "Five hundred red coats will be landing tomorrow at Boston Harbor." "Give the signal." "The British attack at dawn." "And at 12 shillings apiece, these babies should fly off the shelves." "MAN ( shouting ):" "The British are coming." "No, they're not." "MAN:" "The British are coming." "No, they're not." "And that's how Hilda came to start a little thing we like to call the American Revolution." "Yeah, well, it's not like things have gone bad for Britain since then." "Hey, things turned out okay, for the people who lived." "Look, if you really want enough money to buy that class ring, you should call the Other Realm Employment Agency." "Heh." "I remember this one job they got me once." "Can't you guys ever tell a story without the whole room going fuzzy?" "Now, if you'll excuse me," "I'll go call and make an appointment." "( siren wailing )" "Warning, warning." "Danger, danger." "Don't tell me." "Will Robinson's in trouble?" "I've been sent by the Witches' Council to give you a warning." "If Sabrina doesn't solve the family secret soon, the consequences will be dire." "And, baby, I mean dire." "For Sabrina?" "No, for you." "I love that mislead." "Heh-heh." "( siren wailing )" "Well, I called and made an appointment at the Other Realm Employment Agency." "No!" "You are not leaving this house until you solve the family secret." "But-- That's final, young lady." "And you know when I call you young lady, I mean business." "Okay, from now on, I'm gonna have to videotape all my transactions with them." "( siren wailing ) BOTH:" "Oh." "Warning, warning." "Danger, Danger." "Well, if you'd asked, we would've told you that those nuts were stale." "Why are you here?" "Sabrina's hard at work on the family secret." "But only because you're forcing her to, not because she wants to." "How do you know so much about us?" "It's creepy." "Be that as it may, you have to motivate her without preventing her from leading a normal life." "You're breaking the rules." "Oh!" "I never break rules." "I'm not even comfortable making a right turn on red." "Well, you're breaking the rules for helping your teen solve the family secret." "They're all right there." "Filmstrips?" "We're hoping to get it on microfiche by the end of the year." "And don't forget, the consequences will be" "Dire." "Dire." "But nothing compared to the consequences if you don't return these rewound." "Okay, first you tell me to get a job to pay for the class ring." "Second, I've been trying to solve that family secret for months." "Third-- We think it's wonderful that you're getting a job." "HILDA:" "And aren't you late for an interview?" "Sometimes the first impression is the only impression." "Okay, now I've got to get a job, solve the family secret and find out if senility is hereditary." "Okay, honey, let's take a look at your résumé." "I really hope you can help me." "Doll, I once got Pauly Shore his own series." "I can help you." "I can't help you." "Please?" "I'm desperate." "Don't you have anything?" "But you have no experience, no skills and Congress isn't in session right now, so..." "Oh, wait, I know, you could be a sandman." "I could be the sandman?" "No, a sandman." "Am I talking too fast for you, dear?" "It's like a paper route." "You put the people in your neighborhood to sleep at night." "Any idiot can do it, so you're qualified." "I'll take it." "Wait." "Is there a uniform involved?" "Let me guess:" "I have to buy it?" "MAN ( on TV ):" "Nor is it permissible to strike your teen with lightning to motivate them." "Oh, finally." "That's the last one." "So I was right." "Yes, you were right." "I knew there wasn't a rule against using rabid Packer fans to motivate your teen." "( all cheering )" "But I want a glass of water." "WOMAN:" "You've already had 12 glasses of water." "Go to sleep." "But I have to go to the..." "Aw, when you're not whining you're actually kind of cute." "Okay, I've lost my mind." "Well, this kind of breaks up the day." "Hey, when I touch him," "I go into his dream." "Cool." "Ew, don't put that in your mouth." "But it's candy." "Hey, you're right." "It is candy." "It's not very good candy, but it's your dream." "There." "Give it a try." "DOOR ( squeaking):" "Solve the family secret." "Solve the family secret." "Perfect." "Now let's work on that fresco over her bed." "Well, she was hard to get to sleep." "I had to use so much sand on her, she could be used as a bank ashtray." "( mumbling )" "Wonder what she's dreaming." "( gibberish )" "What was that?" ""Come into my dream, Sabrina."" "If you insist." "A test?" "I, uh-- I haven't studied." "I haven't even opened the book." "My whole grade depends on this." "The rest of my life depends on passing this class." "( screaming )" "Where are my clothes?" "Twenty-three thousand four hundred and fifty-one, 23,452... ( gasping )" "The Jolly Green Giant is a cruel taskmaster." "Mr. Kraft is a deeply tormented man." "Cool." "It's such a gasser to be named a member of the Rat Pack, baby." "Now that it's official, how do we ditch Lawford?" "Freak." "Loser." "Loser-freak." "Geek cluster." "I told you to stay home today." "This is just a normal day at school." "Oh, I get it." "Every day in high school is a dream come true for Libby." "There's a spill." "Yep, that happened today." "Oh, ah." "George, watch the splinters." "Hey." "Get out of my dream." "Sabrina, I can't believe you dream-dropped." "I can't believe there's a word for it." "Dreams reveal a person's innermost thoughts, feelings and desires." "George Washington?" "Heh, heh." "And your presence in them could influence the course of events in that person's life." "I'm sorry." "I'll never drop into one of your dreams again." "But I think I'm the one who suffered the most." "Even though you're in big, big, trouble, young lady, there's no reason you can't have some hot cocoa." "Does this have anything to do with the two dozen cheeseheads passed out in the living room?" "Valerie, listen." "I know you tend to worry a lot with school, but you're really smart, so I guess what" "I'm trying to say is, don't be such a worrywart." "As strange a greeting as that was," "I suddenly feel incredibly relieved." "Thanks, Sabrina." "And my aunts said nothing good would come of dropping in on people's dreams." "Mr. Kraft." "Not now, Spellman." "There is a situation in the teachers' lounge." "The school nurse fell asleep smoking and set fire to the couch again." "Oh, wait." "I just wanted to ask you, um, what would you call the color of your tie?" "Pea green?" "No, absolutely not." "It's" " It's kelly green." "Well, I guess I'll see you at lunch today." "I hear the soup is, uh, split pea." "I think I need some air." "Ah, peas." "Okay, that's the last time I ever use dream-dropping for my personal amusement again." "Geek." "Loser." "Freak." "Libby, congratulations." "You know, I" " I hear you have enough credits to graduate now." "No more high school." "Whoo-hoo." "What?" "That can't be true." "I have to talk to Mr. Kraft." "Oh, I think he's in the teachers' lounge." "Okay, there." "Out of my system." "Harvey?" "Oh, hey, Sabrina." "Didn't see you there." "Is everything okay?" "I called you yesterday" "Yeah, well, I had to do this thing, at the place, with some people." "I'll call you later." "Okay, he's acting weird." "I wonder if a sandman could find out why." "Whoa." "What's this?" "Smells like espresso." "( gulping )" "You won't tell me what's bothering you, but maybe your subconscious will." "( Salem sneezes )" "Salem, what are you doing in my bag?" "And it better not be what I saw you doing in the Flanagans' sandbox." "No, your aunts asked me to tag along to make sure you don't, uh" "What was it again?" "I'm supposed to stop you from" "Wait, it'll come to me." "Nope." "Never tell me anything when I'm watching V.I.P." "Since you're here, you wanna pop into Harvey's dream with me?" "Sure." "Maybe I'll think of it while we're there." "This is his dream?" "I was a teenage boy once, and let me tell you, he's wasting' a dream." "Hey, that's our French book." "I get it." "We have a huge French test tomorrow, and Harvey's probably afraid he's gonna fail." "That's why he's been acting so weird lately." "It has nothing to do with me." "And denial is a river in Egypt." "( laughs )" "I just made that one up." "Mon petit livre." "Je suis très, très heureuse." "I think that means he's happy he has his book back, or he lost his Slinky." "Maybe I should study." "See?" "Look how peacefully he's sleeping now." "And wouldn't let that thumb-sucking thing bother you." "HARVEY:" "Hey, Sabrina." "Guess what?" "I think I aced my French test." "I knew that was bothering you." "I mean, congratulations." "So now that you have the stress of that test behind you, do you wanna go out after school--?" "Sabrina, no." "I can't go out with you after school." "You gotta stop asking me that." "( gloomy theme playing )" "I-I don't think he's seeing anyone else." "Me neither." "So who do you think it is?" "So the reason Harvey's been acting so weird toward me lately has absolutely nothing to do with his French test." "Dreams have to be interpreted." "They're symbolic." "Like when I'm dreaming of a thousand-pound tuna," "I'm really dreaming about salmon." "But I don't know how to interpret dreams." "You don't, but my old buddy Sigmund Freud does." "Salem, for once you might be onto something." "( regal theme playing )" "( Austrian accent ):" "Where am I?" "I was just grabbing a quick bite between patients, und" "Hello, Sigmund." "I know that voice." "Saberhagen?" "How's my wife?" "Oh, that's right." "We weren't really friends." "( knock at door ) ZELDA:" "Sabrina?" "The cops." "Get rid of him." "Uh, why don't you hide in here for just a few minutes?" "And, um, try not to get mustard on anything." "Okay." "Yes?" "DOOR:" "Solve the family secret." "Solve the family secret." "What are you doing?" "What do you think we're doing?" "I'm just sitting here trying to solve the family secret." "And I'm just batting at dust particles because I think they're real." "Uh-huh." "Well, this should help." "I managed to track down your cousin Stanislav." "He sent you another clue." "Oh." "Great." "Well, I'd better get back to solving this thing." "Thanks for the clue, and, uh, we'll see you later." "DOOR:" "Solve the family secret." "Okay." "Bye-bye." "All right, let's get the shrink and go to Harvey's." "Well, is she working on it?" "Probably not." "She has Freud hiding in the closet." "Freud?" "Oh!" "That man will do anything to see me again." "You know, he might have a brilliant mind, but with me he's all hands." "See?" "Something's obviously bothering him." "It couldn't be the crowd of people standing around him every night." "Shh." "He's clearly having a very disturbing dream." "Though not as disturbing as the one I am having." "Yeah, yeah." "Tell it to Jung." "( dance music playing )" "I think you accidentally zapped us into a Calvin Klein commercial." "Hey, there's Harvey." "Ah, but this is so easy to interpret." "That that is Harvey's emotional baggage which he is struggling with." "Ah, and that" "That is his inner child." "( crying )" "He is usually at the table next to me in fine restaurants." "What's that?" "That's a giant floating banana." "Clearly, Harvey's problem is that he is overwhelmed by all the pressure in his life." "Nothing that a lifetime of therapy won't take care of." "I don't have a lifetime." "( heavenly theme playing )" "How come he got a cone and I didn't?" "See?" "It worked." "Sleeping like a baby." "Though I might be a little concerned with that thumb-sucking." "What happened to Freud?" "Uh..." "Why do we still have daylight savings?" "Your turn." "Fine." "My category is dream-dropping." "Oh, sorry." "It wasn't in the form of a question." "You're disqualified." "Night." "Sabrina." "Okay." "I know, I'm not supposed to do it anymore, but I was just trying to help Harvey out and I'm sure I didn't hurt anyone." "You obviously know better, Sabrina." "So you'll just have to live with the consequences." "Fine." "Now, if you'll excuse me, it's a school night." "Wait a minute." "What conse...?" "( snoring )" "Sounds just like you before the surgery." "Hey, Valerie, how'd you do on the math homework last night?" "I" " I spent two hours on it this morning." "I didn't do it." "Why not?" "Don't know." "Don't really care." "You should take your own advice, Sabrina, and stop being such a worrywart." "Wait, wait." "I used the term "worrywart"" "and you actually listened to me?" "What's going on?" "They're committing Mr. Kraft." "The drama club wanted to put on The Princess and the Pea and he totally lost it." "So many peas." "Who's gonna count 'em all?" "There are too many." "There are just too many peas." "Wait." "These can't be the consequences my aunts talked about." "This is a coincidence." "The man was a time bomb." "Hey, Sabrina." "Harvey, you're talking to me?" "Yeah, well, I've been a little preoccupied lately." "But last night I had this dream, and when I woke up this morning everything was as clear as day." "Partially because it was day." "I knew you'd work it all out." "Sabrina, we've been goin' out for a long time and I feel like there's something I need to say to you." "Oh, you know you can tell me anything." "I wanna break up with you." "What?" "!" "I knew you were gonna make a scene." "( stammering )" "I'm not making a scene." "This is not a scene." "What, haven't you ever seen anyone make a scene before?" "So now, for no reason, my boyfriend wants to break up with me." "Okay, I admit it." "You were right." "I was wrong." "You smart." "Me dumb." "Now, please, please, please, help me fix it." "I'm sorry, honey, but there's nothing we can do." "You manipulated his subconscious." "We warned you this could happen." "Really?" "'Cause I don't remember you warning me." "( both groan ) ( siren wailing )" "Warning, warning." "Danger, danger." "See, now, maybe if you'd worn something like that," "I would have paid attention." "Your time to solve the family secret has expired." "What?" "Why didn't you tell me to work on the family secret?" "( both groan )" "Okay, uh, well, just give me two seconds and I'll-- I'll figure it out right now." "Okay, I just got another clue yesterday." "Here it is." "It's a picture of...me?" "In a very cheap frame." "Okay, let's see, um..." "Every member of the Spellmans..." "Yes." "Yes." "BOTH:" "Yes." "...are related to me." "Wrong." "Oh, who is this guy?" "And now for the consequences." "I know, I know." "I don't get my witch's license." "No, honey, it's worse than that." "You're now no longer a witch." "Wha--?" "I lost my boyfriend and my magic all in one day?" "Don't forget your home." "WOMEN:" "What?" "!" "I said the consequences were gonna be dire." "It's the suit, isn't it?" "That's why no one takes me seriously." "Sabrina can stay here as long as she likes." "We love her whether she has magic or not." "You can't have a mortal living under your roof." "But don't worry." "It's not like we're just gonna turn her out into the cold." "A $20 bill?" "Go easy." "It has to last you the rest of your life." "Aunt Hilda." "Aunt Zelda." "( screams )" "Aunt Hilda?" "Aunt Zelda?" "Wait a minute." "Um, I'm lost and I really need to get home." "Can you help me?" "Oh, sure." "Do you have any money?" "Yeah." "I have $20." "Not anymore." "Wait." "Stop!" "( buzzing )" "Hey, blondie." "This is my place." "If you wanna stretch out, use the grate by the wall." "It used to be Stinky's, but he's dead." "I lost my magic, my boyfriend, my home, my family." "All I have is a Chiclet and Stinky's grate." "MAN:" "Hey." "Stinky left me this grate in his will." "I'll sell it to you for a Chiclet." "Sorry." "I didn't know." "Ow." "A giant floating banana?" "Wait a minute." "I'm... dreaming." "Tell me it was all a dream." "It was all a dream." "Harvey didn't break up with you and you still have your magic." "HILDA:" "And your home." "We did it to show you how destructive dream-dropping can really be." "And to try to motivate you to solve the family secret." "Who did you guys punish before I moved in?" "I should have known it was all a dream when that annoying cone guy appeared." "( laughs )" "Warning, warning." "Danger, danger." "Unfortunately, he's real." "Don't worry, Sabrina." "We're not gonna let him take you away." "What's this?" "A strongly worded citation." ""You have 30 days to help Sabrina" ""solve the family secret, or... there will be a $25 fine."" "This is your idea of dire?" "Okay, maybe "dire" was a little bit strong, but, hey, it really lit a fire under you gals." "You'll learn." "They're big on punishment." "I had to pay for that uniform." "Hey." "Hey." "Mystery's been solved." "I found out what Harvey's been doing every day after school." "And I really think he owes you an explanation." "Oh, no, it is another girl." "Brace yourself." "Pork on a pole?" "( upbeat rock theme playing )" "There's no way I'm ever gonna look cute in this, is there?" "Uh, no." "You would have thought the nightmare was punishment enough." "My aunts aren't making me do this." "I decided that a class ring is more important than my self-respect." "And I got the same shift as Harvey." "I still think you should have kept your sandman job." "Well, it was kind of hard once I heard the words "you're fired."" "I guess they weren't big on dream-dropping either." "I hope I can stay awake long enough to see who the new sandman is." "Yeah." "I wonder who took over." "Let the nightmare begin." "( gasps )" "Don't-- Don't hurt me, sprout." "I'll count faster."