"Yawn!" "Mornin' hun." "Mornin' uncle Hank." "O..ha..a.ha.ah!" "I.." "I called you hun and I'm naked." "A..ha!" "I'm sorry uncle Hank." "What are you touching?" "those are my personal under garments." "Na.ah!" "some of them are mine." "Will you look at what your nice has done?" "She's got my drawers spinin' around with her un-mentionable." "Yeah..oh!" "scandoulas, where's my coffee?" "Ooo..." "laundry!" "hot out of the dryer." "Mmm...hmm!" "Aah!" "6 a.m. and already the boy ain't right." "[Theme Music]" "Season 02 Episode 02 Texas city twister." "Subtitled  Synced_By_T.A.S." "Door bell rings." "Hello, is there a Luanne Platter livin' here." "Well who wants' to know?" "Shiny pines trailer park, ms." "Platter owes six months back rent." "You must have that wrong mister," "Luanne doesn't have any trailer, that's why she lives here." "So she does live here." "Don't play mind checkers with me man, I'm not in the mood." " We're most reasonable people." " You said it friend." "My record show a trailer at the corner of sherry oak lane in an unpaved access drive." "Luanne Platter resident." "That can't be right." "Luanne used to live in a trailer, but her parent's had a fight, the trailer tipped over, her momma went to jail and the cops hauled it off." "Sir, if you're calling me a lair, you better be holding somthin' stronger than an umbrella!" "Nine iron!" "Y' all have a nice day." "Well they asked me to substitute for a German class and I said 'nein' which I thought meant 'yes', but apparently 'nein' means 'no' so.." "I blew a big opportunity." "Luanne!" "why are you livin' here." "Mmm..because I have no-where else to go." "well, a man came by from Shiny Pines trailer park today, and he say's you still got a trailer there." "No, I don't." "It tipped over." "But it's still there." "No, it tipped over." "Luanne, let me try to explain." "I have a beer can," "I tip it over." "Now is it still there?" "I can't live in a beer can, I can live in a trailer, but" "I don't have a trailer 'cause the trailer's tipped over" "That trailer cannot be livable Hank, it's full of broken dishes and broken dreams." "So, we'll clean it." "Hank, if they had a sponge that cleaned up broken dreams" "Wall Worth's would still be in business." "Dale:" "Hey Hank!" "what 'ya gonna winch?" "Luanne's daddy's trailer, I'm gonna untip it and set it right." "You know how the Egyptian's untiped the Pyramid don't 'ya." "with a winch, a cinder block and fifty thousand Hebrew slaves." "Mmm." "You got a cinder block?" "I can get you an army tank from the base." "Yo' know it's nothing better for pushing." "except for maybe a bull dozer, but off course they..they lock those up." "Look I got a truck and a winch, you wanna stand around talking or you wanna tip that trailer." "Dale:" "Nancy I'm helping Hank winch a trailer, see you for diner." "Nancy:" "Sorry sug' I got to anchor Eye Witness weather tonight." "there's high winds blowing might be a tornado." "This could be the disaster I've been waiting for, so keep your fingers crossed." "Dale:" "What about my supper?" "Nancy:" "I left the cartoon of cigarettes on the table." "Dale:" "Aaa!" "think I'll keep her." "Hank:" "You know fellas, trailer parks are some of your largest consumers of propane." "Right behind school buses and crematorium." "Pretty, pretty, pretty." "Look at all those pretty trailers." "Hey man it's a dang ol' good ol' deal man, I tell you what a hundred bucks... smokes man you get'em hook up you get'em 'ol dang to..tooth up.." "jigglin' around everywhere what not man, nothin' but a dang 'ol thrash man." "Okay Boomhauer!" "crank up the winch." "You got it , you got it." "Ooh!" "Hmm!" "Hank:" "Alright let's do it." "Keep goin', keep goin' use the momentum." "Alright." "Boomhauer, way to go." "Yeah!" "Luanne:" "Do you think Alex ?" "is sexy aunt Pegg?" "Get out of my mind Luanne." "Hey there Luanne!" "Pegg leg!" "Hey, honey!" "what have you been doin' all day?" "Ow!" "this and that." "Hey." "Luanne here's a thought." "Wouldn't you like to have your own room?" "Well!" "Sure I would." "I'd also like a date with Alex ?" "but," "I don't see what good it do, since I don't have my own room." "You know if that trailer wasn't tipped over you'd have more than just your own room." "What are you drivin' at?" "Trailer's not tipped over anymore." "The guys and I took care of it.." "you could move in there tomorrow if you want." "Why are you doing this to me?" "You're welcome." "Hank Hill, how could you?" "You are practically pushing her at the door." "Sometimes you gotta stop.." "vomiting in the baby birds mouth and kick her out of the nest." "Well that's a clever analogy, but you know from our own sidewalk we're constantly wrecking up those little dried up bird babies." "Luanne is just not ready." "Oh, pumpkin are you alright?" "I'm sorry I lost it aunt Pegg." "But I thought I'd never have to go back to that trailer." "Well you don't have to Luanne, not until you are good and ready." "Did you know, I was the first of my family to go to Beauty College." "No I did not know that." "And I'm not stopping there." "I had dreams aunt Pegg, I want to do hair make-ups for T.V." "I know I'll be good." "I believe.." "that I could be the first one to hide those bags under Michael Douglas's eyes." "Those are big old dreams." "I'm shooting for stars aunt Pegg, and you know what?" "I'll be okay at Shiny Pines because, you can see the same stars over that trailer you could see right here." "Well at night!" "Peggy:" "Oaky doky!" "Well, you're all packed up now." "Guess you better start your good buys." "We want to get on the road before that doctor Demento starts stinking up the airwaves." "Mmm!" "good bye Ladybird." "Oh!" "you look so sad, show me that smile now come on!" "that's my girl!" "Bobby:" "Good bye Luanne." "I just wanted you to know, that I never read your dairy." "even thou, you secretly suspected I did, on June 18th 1985." "That was wrong to doubt you Bobby." "That's okay!" "Oh!" "uncle Hank," "I just wanted to tell you, you've been like a father to me." "Uh!" "and I just wanted to tell you that a.." "Uh!" "here!" "let me give my card." "Hold on to that, that will get you a 10% discount on all your propane needs." "Lucky. lucky me!" "Luanne honey, why don't you go out and wait in the car." "What!" "That card is just like cash." "Did you even happen to notice that Luanne was crying when she left here?" "Well, when isn't she crying?" "she cries at weddings, she cries at.." "funerals, there's no rhyme or reason to it." "I spent six hours tippin'up her trailer yesterday." "My back hurts, you don't see me cryin'." "No I don't, but I wish I did." "I mean, come on honey a member of your family is saying goodbye." "Luanne is not family, she's company." "If she was family I wouldn't have to double knot.." "the belt on my bath robe just to get a mid-night snack." "Well, that is your problem." "Luanne loves you, and you have no emotions for her at all?" "I've got plenty of emotions," "I was afraid she was gonna hug me." "I was worried that she wouldn't leave, and I was happy when it was over." "Well, I don't know how anyone is supposed to know, what you're felling', sitting there like..." "like a block of wood?" "That is what you're sometimes, a block-head." "A block-head?" "!" "Now, that's hitin' below the belt!" "Well, I am sorry, but sometimes you make me wonder, what the hell is wrong with you?" "Ow!" "really?" "Well speaking' of hell, if I wasn't so in control of my emotions," "I might be inclined to say that's the sort of place you should consider.." " makin' a...a visit towards." " Ooh!" "Mmhm!" "Mm..uhm!" "Mm..uhm!" "Uhmm!" "Son, I'm very sorry you had to hear that." "I just lost my grip, and.." "I spoke in a way, that a man should never ever speak to his wife." "I can't hear the T.V." "Nancy:" "The National Weather Service has issued a Tornado Watch for the Tri-county area." "This is not a test." "Chanel 84 doesn't play those kind of games." "Residents should be on the lookout for a tornado, specially if you live in a trailer park... because as we all know Jim, trailer parks can be hell in a tornado." "Hey!" "Isn't that funny dad, 'cause I mean.." "you sort of told mom to go to hell, right!" "And then they say on T.V, that in a twister a trailer park is hell." "And that's where mom's goin'!" "[Music playing on radio] Hurray!" "and overlooks the avenue." "Hank:" "Hah!" "there's no reason to panic, my telling' your mother to go to hell, will not be the last words the two of us exchange." "You and I will just drive to the trailer park, and pick-up Peggy and Luanne, and return without incident." "Now just incase I am incapacitated for some reason, do you know how to start a man's heart with a downed power line?" "No." "Well!" "There's really no wrong way to do it." "I..." "I wish I could, hang around with you ordinary citizen types, but my county needs me." "Yep!" "I take on certain powers, when I put on this uniform." "Not unlike.." "your marvel super heroes, that's you know, Stretch Armstrong, Spiderman an' what not." "Your "Bat Cave's" open there Bill." "Huh!" "Huh...mhm!" "You know.." "I..." "I don't mine you guys making fun of me on a daily basis but, when I have this uniform on I'd appreciate little respect." "I'm sorry, you're right, of all the army barbers I know you're the bravest." "Set you're moose on stun there Bill." "You better hang on to that camcorder real good 'cause I'm driving right up next to that twister." "Hard Copies payin' 500 bucks for flying cow video." "I tell you what man, when..we have flying'.." "cow man you gonna..go blow that up damn dynamite an' ol can like that would have..boom..man an all cat 'an cow's flyin' all over the place." "This is no time for jokes Boomhauer." "This tornado is already classified at level-2 on the Fujusaki scale." "Well a storm that strong will send an egg through a barn door" "Two barn doors if one of 'em is open." "What will a level 3 do mr." "Gribble?" "Level 3 will send an egg through a brick wall." "Tornado chasers call it, Humpty's revenge." "Waoh!" "Tornado time is like the End of Day's Bobby." "" Soft shall be.." "blasted through the hard chaos will descend upon the well organized." "And the strongest of men will become like a woman of average strength."" "That's enough there Dale." "Now let's go Bobby." "Uh!" "just a minute dad, I..." "I forgot somethin' important." "Mmmhm!" "Nancy Hicks Gribble here for Tornado Watch 97, brought to you by Mega 'lo Mart." "mention that your home was destroyed, and get a free.." "5 lb. bag of onions." "A series of tornado has touched down in Arlene county." "As of this time we have no reports of injuries or injury footage, but if you know of someone, who has been injured or is likely to be injured, please call this station." "So many bad memories." "there's the fork mamma stabbed daddy with." "Oh!" "And empty bottles from that awful night." "And..oh no!" "Those mango colored palazzo pants that made my part look beige." "Oh!" "this is very harder than I thought." "Ooh!" "there was a lot of fighting going on when we lived here." "I guess, I have that affect on people." "No." "Do not be silly." "The fight, Hank and I had today was about him, not you." "I am so mad at him, and his precious self control." "Imitates Hank:" "I surely am not fond of you Peggy," "I tell you what?" "!" "Ugh!" "What kind of marriage proposal is that?" "Wizzy's night club was in the path of gale force winds" "Wizzy." "It leveled the club now, the strippers are fine, but a customer had his lap broken by one of the dancer's." "Nothin' to worry about." "That trailer park is at least three strip clubs away from Wizzy's." "What?" "!" "Ooh!" "It's that dang fuel filter again." "There's no gas station for miles." "Go to the Mega 'Lo Mart." "They've got everything and a whole lot more." "So maybe, just maybe, they'll have fruit pies." "Come on Bobby hurry up!" "Dale:" "Alright twister, it's just you and me now." "Ten years ago you took my shirt." "Did you think I'd forget that, come on, bring it on." "God!" "No please let me go!" "Wow!" "an' dang 'ol wow!" "hey!" "Hank:" "Excuse me!" "come on Bobby." "Twelve fuel filters for $60." "But I only need one." "One fuel filter." "I'm sorry hun, but those have to be purchased in packets of twelve." "Twelve fuel filters." "I'm sorry sweet heart, I can't sell you a packet since it's opened." "I opened it." "I'm the one who opened it." "I'm sorry baby but I can't..." "for insurance...reasons." "What insurance reason?" "what could possibly happen with an open package of fuel filters?" "Fuel filters!" "Honey, quick!" "that jackass is buying all the fuel filters." "What?" "!" "Leave some for us jackass!" "I need a fuel filter, what are they for?" "I need one." "Well, that man's buyin' by the dozen." "Somebody stop him!" "Hank:" "Come on!" "Come on let's go!" "move that truck my wife is stuck in Shiny Pines." "I'm not authorized to drive the truck sir!" "My wife is in danger damn'it!" "Now make somethin' happen." "Security!" "Bill!" "thank god!" "make this idiot let me pass." "I'm just...how'd I do that Hank, with my blow drier and my scissors an' comb." "Bill, come on now!" "No, I'm sorry." "I..." "I must have a bad case of... barbers' ear, I can't hear a word you say until you address me as stg." "Dougtrive." "Bill please!" "I can't hear you." "Alright!" "stg." "Dougtrive." "Bill:" "I don't know if I like your tone privet." "Hank:" "Oh!" "what did I do to deserve this?" "I didn't mean to curse my wife to hell." "Aaaaaaagh!" "Noooo!" "Nancy Gribble here foe Death Watch '97." "A level 5 tornado is headed straight for Shiny Pines trailer park." "Shiny Pines residence, we urge you to remain calm." "However, if there are any personal issues that you've been waiting to resolve, or, if you've never experienced the miracle of love making." "Now might be the time." "Peggy!" "Luanne, where are you?" "!" "Look dad!" "flamingo." "The twister's coming, run for the ....hole." "Take my son!" "Peggy!" "Peggy are you in here?" "!" "Peggy:" "Hank over here!" "Peggy!" "This is the moment I've been waitin' for." "Aagh!" "...ah!" "Look-out!" "Hurry Hank!" "Luanne:" "Hang on uncle Hank!" "Peggy:" "What on earth are you doing here?" "Hank:" "I came to find YOU." "I don't know how long I can hold on, so I better say this now." "I feel terrible about what I said to you Peggy," "I don't want you to go to hell!" "I just I" "I mean.." "I" "I'm not good at this kind of thing." "Go on, you're doing fine sweetheart!" "Don't edit yourself, just whatever comes, just let it come!" "[Yelling] You're my best girl, you...you mean everything to me, when we were apart today, that was Hell." "I couldn't wake up in the morning, without.... your beautiful face beside me." "I love you." "And Bobby," "And Luanne." "To...a..." "lesser.....extent." "Ow!" "Hang on!" "Aaaaaaaa!" "Hurry!" "Hank hurry!" "it's the eye of the storm, come to the shelter." "R.." "U.." "N." "Uh!" "Is Luanne still alive?" "Tell her to cover her eyes." "They're covered." "Oh!" "just run you jackass." "Don't tell me that old lady's in there too." "Oh!" "don't mind me, I've seen a barrel of peoples in my day." "Alright I'm comin'." "Mmm!" "Hmmm!" "Well, you don't have a trailer anymore." "It's tipped over." "Guess, you'll be staying with us from now on." "Thanks uncle Hank!" "You know, what I'll never forget.." "was when uncle Hank was naked." "That never happened." "But, the wind blew all his clothes off." "Not my underwear." "Yes it did!" "NOT MY UNDERWEAR." "Not...his...underwear." "I can't H..." "E..." "A..." "R Y..." "O...." "U."