"His Brother" "Did you read yesterday's paper?" "No, I don't suppose you read the local papers." "It happened there, near my house, to the left." "Well, it will make firewood for this winter." "But people don't pay attention to safety rules." "Shipwrecks in the old days..." "Now those were shipwrecks!" "The weather was awful." "The sea would suddenly let loose." "Or the sky..." "Even the best sailor in the world had to trust his soul to God." "The current is tricky there." "I don't know what they call it." "It has a name." "Something terrible." "So the bodies, even if they drown in different places, get washed up at the same spot." "It's like a rendez-vous." "You wait at the spot and you pull them out." "Some you never find, obviously." "Like a nephew I had once." "He disappeared in a diving accident." "He dove in, you see, and he never came up." "He was a charming boy, very charming." "I thought it was appropriate for him to go like that." "It was just like him." "Sure, only I thought so." "People want a grave." "A real grave with a real body." "The sea is invincible." "I see it from my windows." "That's why I bought the house." "Sure, it's invincible." "We both like it a lot too." "Don't we?" "We could've gone sailing here." "We never did much." "But we've taken lots of boats." "I don't know." "Especially you, right?" "No, you did too." "I mostly took ferries." "I really enjoyed ferries." "Crossing over." "The boat from Piombino to the island of Elba." "Ah, Elba!" "An awful shipwreck back in '52." "A real one!" "Naples." "That thing that runs between Stromboli and Naples?" "A bad memory." "And the one in Manhattan to Staten Island." "Didn't you take that?" "As soon as you get there, you turn around." "It's not for the Statue of Liberty." "It's for everything else." "You cross, you're on the water." "You see Manhattan all lit up." "It's like you're going home." "The ferry is full of people who take it to work every day." "I'm off." "You know him?" "He really bent our ear, didn't he?" "Want to go back?" "February" "Hello." "Hello." "Yes." "Hello, yes, this is Luc." "Hello." "Damn it." "Hello?" "Who?" "Thomas?" "What are you calling me for?" "Yes." "Sure, if you want." "Remember my address?" "There's a door code now." "You press the star..." "Then 2532." "No, press the star, then 2532." "Right. "Star" like a star." "Not closing the door?" "Something wrong at home?" "Nothing's wrong at home." "You doing okay?" "I'm coming in, okay?" "Yeah." "I'm fine." "You look it." "So you're okay?" "I'm not great." "Not at all." "Something in my system is gone haywire." "It's affecting everything." "Not just part of me, everything." "What is it?" " Cancer?" " No." "Cancer would suit me." "Something a little more exotic." "I figure a cancer would be more..." "I don't know..." "I imagined your place just like this." "Funny." "No?" "With lots of books, just like this." "It's something weird, it's easy not to even notice." "I was always tired, but lots of people are." "So last year..." "No, farther back..." "I thought:" "Is it normal to feel so beat?" "Shouldn't I start giving a shit?" "I had a blood test." "They found something." "Something screwing up my platelets." "3 months in the hospital and things stabilized." "There's a name for it." "It wasn't nameless, like I feared." " 3 months?" " With a thing like that..." "You gotta check everything." "They did a whole bunch of tests." "Lots of blood tests and punctures." "At first they thought it was leukemia or that I was HIV-positive." "I wasn't a typical patient for HIV." "It could have corresponded though." "But it wasn't that." "But it was serious." "3 months." "To discover I could have hemorrhaged at any time." "You look fine and, all of a sudden, a fuse blows." "You can be anywhere and you start bleeding." "If you don't act, you're dead." "A hemorrhage!" "Platelets work funny." "Mine must have got fed up." "They wouldn't reproduce or something." "Anyway, the count kept dropping." "That's bad news." "It is?" "Mom and Dad knew?" "Sure, they did." "I'm dumb." "No, I told them I had tests." "What could I tell them?" "Living with someone now?" "You know, everything's going to hell." "It's good to live with someone." "I mean, people should try." "Instead of living alone like a smart ass." "You might be better at it than me." "No, I live alone." "It doesn't look it." "You still a school teacher?" "Still like it?" "I ought to know, but what do the platelets do?" "I mean, without them, is it like an engine without oil?" "I gotta take a leak." "In the hall on the left." "I'm scared." "Scared shitless." "Oh fuck!" "Look, here it goes again." "You see?" "Come with me tomorrow?" "I gotta go back to the hospital." "Please." "A stable condition is one thing." "But a relapse like this..." "It's a bit more serious." "We're hospitalizing him." "We'll admit him now." "So as not to waste time..." "Could you bring his clothes and things?" "You'll stay with him." "Right?" "I just took the morning off." "Come with me?" " Hi." " Hi." " I thought you had gone." " No, not gone." "No, still here." "19,000 platelets today." "10 times less than normal." "A bit less than your last stay." "When you reach that level, give or take a few thousand, it doesn't make much difference." "Anything to report since your last visit?" "Any symptoms?" "Anything can help me, remember?" "There can't be any secrets with me." "I passed out once." "During a meeting." "Sorry, I forgot what you do." "Infographist." "Infographist, that's right." "I don't know what it is, but knowing you it must be exciting." "People pass out for lots of reasons." "Blood in your stool?" "I'll see you again very soon." "Alright." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "I saw a coffee machine downstairs." "Want some?" "I don't know if I have time." "There's one on this floor, too." "I brought you papers." "Good evening." "Good evening, sir." "How do you feel?" "Has the pain subsided?" "My God, how can you drink that?" "Will this be your room?" "Sometimes they move you around a lot." "I don't know if I'll be staying here." "Breathe in." "Not too hard." "We had an easy trip." "Morning trains on weekdays aren't too crowded." "We had a space for eight to ourselves." "What's your name?" "Luc's directions were perfect." "We're here that's the main thing." "Paris hospitals are really something." "Aren't they?" "I don't think we have any this big in Nantes." "Do we?" "Tell me if it hurts." "We ran into your doctor." "She says it's stable." "No, she said there's been no change." "That's what stable means, Mom." "That's cortisone, isn't it?" "You've got everything figured out." " I brought your stuff." " Hi, sweetie." "I can't stay." "The kids are waiting." "You'll have to go now." "I'm going." "I'm in a hurry." "I want him to stay." "No, I can't stay." "I'll be back at 6." "I'll leave them here and come back later." "The train is at 4:05." "We missed the metro last time." "Seeing you both together is something." "Montparnasse station is ways from here." "Good ways." "Take a deep breath." "In it goes..." " Hello." "You are the brother?" " Yes." "Turn your head a bit." "There you go." "Oh, dear!" "Hold on." "Claudine, give me a hand." "Stay with us, open your eyes..." "Get help." "Open your eyes." "We need more people." "Look at me, open your eyes." "Come help me." "Stay with us." "Give me a hand." "Take his arm, take his legs." "One, two, three." "Watch the IVs." "Come on, turn around." "One, two, three." "Legs raised." "Move him up." "One, two, three." "Sir, you still with me?" "Listen, look at me." "You'll be all right." "Listen to me, open your eyes." "Now your blood pressure..." "There." "You'll be fine." "You're better already." "Stay with me." "You'll be fine." "The color's coming back." "What is it?" "Do I look panicky, is that it?" "I felt I was going." "I didn't want to go at all." "I think..." "Or did I?" "He had an attack." "Oh yes." "He passed out." "It's nothing serious." "July" "Can you give me a hand?" "My pubic hair..." "Do you think it will grow back?" "If a woman rubs up against me, she'll hightail it." "You get it?" "We don't have to go all the way today." "What was your friend's name?" "The one at the hospital..." "Vincent." "You've always preferred boys?" "Always, yes." "Does it just happen or what?" "I mean, what determines that?" " Is this really worth discussing?" " Hang on..." " We've never talked about it." " Yes, we have." "Don't you remember?" "Want to know where and when?" "Don't start." "If I had remembered..." "One day, I thought:" "My brother prefers boys." "That's all." "It didn't bother me." "Don't act like you care about me." "You don't care about anyone!" "You're not going to start now!" "No need to care about me for me to care about you." "I don't owe you for anything, nor am I giving you anything." "Anyone would have done the same." "And I'm doing this because you asked me to." "That's how it works." "Someone asks for something, the other says "sure", and that's it!" "I would do this for anyone who asked." "I know, that's your good side." "You see, early on, I recognized people who cared about me." "I saw you didn't care about me enough." "You have a brother for some time, then he has his own life, that's normal." "You just shared a few things with him and that's all." "It doesn't mean he will be important later." "He is just a brother, that's all." "I don't care if you deserted me." "I don't care if you deserted me when I probably needed you most." "Are you ok there?" "Hold on." ""Deserting" means not keeping in touch." "Dropping out of sight." "Aren't you twisting things?" "You know, it's not easy for anyone." "Who to love, and all that." "And talking about dropping out of sight, aren't you the expert?" "Isn't that what you did when you came to Paris?" "Vanished, just like that?" "Whop." "No more Luc!" "Wasn't it like that?" "Yes?" "No?" "So what did I do?" "I figured I had to wait for you to come back." "One day, you would knock at my door and you would let it all out." "Never wait for people to come back." "They never do." "Shall we go?" "March" "Vincent?" "I'm here." "My brother's sick." "You have a brother?" "An older brother." "Here in Paris." "He's got something." "He wanted me to be with him." "I don't know why." "It's a relapse." "Maybe he doesn't want to go through it again alone." "What's he got?" "Something with his blood that can kill him." "One little thing can burst and it's a hemorrhage." "So my brother came back to say he was going to burst." "Closing my eyes, I see Thomas's head as if he had been shot at close range." "It's that image of Kennedy with his head exploding and his body slumping." "When I see Thomas, I see that." "Idiotic." "Isn't it?" "Which hospital is he in?" "Know anyone there?" "No..." "But yes, someone is taking care of him." " You have to know someone?" " Cut it out!" "Is he in the best place, for what he has?" "Yeah." "I made tons of calls." "Yeah, I think he is fine where he is." "There are all kinds of blood diseases." "What is it?" "The platelets?" "Why?" "Why do you say that?" "I had a friend who died." "He had something in the blood, too." "I'd read everything on the subject." "Platelets are like bricks." "They're usually useless, they swim in the blood." "Any break in a blood vessel, they rush in and seal it up." "If they are lacking, they seal nothing up." "That means a hemorrhage." "You know what?" "I don't care about my brother at all." "I'd have loved to have a brother." "Everybody wants to have a brother." "But tough luck..." "He's not the one." "I don't feel like it." "I can still do this, can't I?" "We can do this much..." "Can't we?" "I don't know if tomorrow" "I'll still feel like it." "Come in, come in." "How are things with your boyfriend?" "What boyfriend?" "Vincent seems nice." "Vincent who?" "Your Vincent." "Who do you think?" " You know him?" " Sure." "He was here." "Hence, "boyfriend."" "When my brother's Vincent visits me, I say "boyfriend."" "That's my sentimental side." "I know." "Why?" "Is that going too far?" "We don't have to discuss it." "When did he come to see you?" "I don't know..." "Yesterday or the day before." "Anyway, I don't know how you worked it out, but he was the only one who came that day." "I found that with him" "I was able to have a conversation." "Yes, Vincent is someone you can talk to." "But we are not a couple." "Not like Claire and you." "We have dinner together." "We talk, we screw, we go off in my car." "But you can't compare." "It's not something solid like you two." "Like with Claire and you." "And you know..." "I saw this in Vincent." "He is interested in things that are more different." "And you, too." "I mean, from me." "He's someone really open." "You see?" "Yeah, I see." "It's nice to stop and think about it." "Thanks, Thomas." "You seem really nice." "I do?" "I'm not the nice one." "Didn't he tell you?" "He's got all the good things." "And me, the bad things." "It's funny." "But you would have been there if I hadn't." "He wouldn't be alone." "It's better that you're here, too." "I'm glad he called you." "At first, I got lost here." "It's huge." "But I got used to it fast." "Now it's like a second home." "I don't get it." "Two years ago, he kept it a secret." "Now he finds it normal to have everyone at his bedside." "Your parents and all..." "One day he's dying, the next it's just a rough patch." "I have trouble keeping up." "So he calls us all in." "Me, it's normal." "You, too, probably." "What does Thomas think?" "That it's normal for everyone to give him so much?" "It's funny he wanted to let you know, to get in touch." "He did more than just "get in touch."" "I think so, anyway." "He asked for help." "If I understood right." "When I was around him, he wasn't the one to ask for help." "Now that my big brother is asking for help, there must be a reason." "Want to know what I think?" "It's so like him to be sick." "And to have a relapse." "Even if we know diseases don't work that way." "But still..." "I don't believe that, but I think it's normal that it drives us all nuts." "You don't look nuts." "That's not what Thomas says." "Really?" "Why this feeling of being tested?" "All this makes no sense otherwise." "Thomas always introduces me as:" ""My friend Claire."" "He doesn't commit." "That way it's safer, in case they can't stand me." "But does a "friend" look after him as I did?" "Wipe his ass at the first sign of trouble?" "I knew it'd be tough." "But this is the next step up." "And it's only the beginning." "I don't know if I'm up to it." "For Christ sakes, do you keep losing all your pipettes?" "The stuff you take out of me?" "I don't have time to change much in a day." "You poke and prod me all over." "But you don't seem to be getting anywhere." "Is it too much to ask, to feel like more than a hunk of meat?" "I don't feel like playing along." "Sure I should." "Yes, but your platelets keep dropping." "We don't really plan to leave you alone." "We'll continue the cortisone." "It'll take time, but I want to avoid an operation." "And I have reason to think we can." "I'm going to order more tests." "He's been here 3-4 weeks..." "On a treatment that does no more than prevent hemorrhages." "Cortisone does as much harm as good." "Especially at that dose." "They are trying to avoid taking out his spleen." "Yeah, she told me." "What if his liver is the problem?" "I don't have an answer to that." "I need stuff from home." "I don't have half of what I need." "I'll go by tomorrow on my way to work." "All this hassle with the cortisone..." "I had hoped to avoid it this time." "You know what cortisone is?" "I guess you have to take it in stride." "You know you'll puff up..." "That your body fills up with all kinds of crap as much as it can." "You know what will happen." "Shit, I can deal with being sick." "I have to, anyway." "But all the rest..." "It's just too damn much." "This time" "I won't settle for their lousy diet." "It sucks." "I'll be a lot more careful." "No salt on anything." "Eggs." "Cooked vegetables, stuff like that." "Nothing else." "Water." "Whatever they know, they tell you." "Or they would tell me." "And they haven't told me a thing." "But do what you like." "That's why it's good to have you here." "I know you will listen." "If it means decisions, you'll know, you'll make them." "Stay here and pay attention to everything." "That's good." "You'll have all the cards." "That's good." "That's good." "August" "I wonder why no one is here this year." "They say the water quality has put people off." "That's nothing new." "Yesterday I went as far as the German bunker." "You know it?" "No." "They built them to last, but they are starting to crumble." "They are sinking into the sand." "That's life." "Everything must end." "And the sand and sea take over." "I've been thinking since the other day." "I want a grave." "Over there." "Not just anywhere, somewhere we have chosen." "A place to meditate." "Marble." "Marble is nice." "Unfussy." "Something just to leave a trace." "With my name and the two dates." "Just the two dates." "What else would you put?" "Why not find a spot over there, facing the sea." "Wouldn't that be nice?" "Your brother thinks he is Chateaubriand." "This place does it." "And I do want flowers after all." "I don't know, a few wreaths, for instance." "They are ugly, but they are easy to throw out." "And crying and swooning." "That would be great." "That's asking a lot." "People faint less these days." "Before, people were undernourished." "Any emotional shock, took its toll." "I know it'll be a beautiful ceremony, even without..." "I'm counting on you." "Oh yes, yes, you can." "You are either alive or dead, right?" "I'll leave you." "It's time for my whiskey." "If I miss it, I'm good for nothing." "Having it too late is no good either." "Good luck to you." "My name is Manuel." "Mine is Luc." "Are you sick, too?" "Me, it's my intestines." "I'm waiting for their verdict." "If the abscesses are back..." "They opened me up not long ago." "A bit like a fish." "They will do it again." "To cut out some more out." "I'm 19." "That's too young for all this hassle." "And you?" "I'm 30." "If they do that to me now, what's next?" "That's what I'm wondering." "I don't want to get carved up again." "I can't take another operation." "I don't know." "But they will do it." "They said so." "They keep going at it." "I don't want to get carved up." "I don't want to." "We are sending him home." "He can do the treatment himself." "As for your house in Brittany, it's a bit early." "Isn't it better for him to go there now?" "First he should stay home in Paris and take it easy." "So he is better?" "Diseases like this still require research." "Blood is like that." "We have to experiment." "But he is strong." "Or else we wouldn't have let him out the last time." "He is strong." "Wanna know something?" "I don't believe in this disease." "It all went haywire for a while, but now I'm on the mend." "He just has to keep up his treatment." "I'll see to that when I get him home." "I don't know if I'll come back." "I just can't deal with it." "So I shouldn't stick around." "That's not so you'll tell him." "I'm just telling you." "I thought I could cope with things." "What's this about not eating?" "I've got so much anger bottled up." "That's all what's left." "I won't give him the pleasure of showing it." "Let him work it out." "So I'll shut my trap..." "By not being around." "Anyway, he doesn't need two of us." "Do what you feel is best." "You ever sleep with your brother?" "We played with each other." "We must have been around 12 or 13." "His was the first cock I touched." "I think I jerked him off." "I'm not asking for details." "I'm telling you." "Just jerked him off." "He was the first boy I knew." "That's what brothers should be for." "Aren't you sick of this?" "Sure I am." "Just like you are." "All this medicine..." "It's eating holes in my stomach." "I can feel the burns." "I feel everything." "Look at my face." "This is my life now." "A poor fucking disfigured face." "I noticed." "Yeah, sure you did." "Of course." "I'm not hungry at all." "I quit the cortisone." "Sure, I know." "But I won't get better." "So why bother?" "What are you doing here?" "I was nearby." "I figured I would run into you." " We could go home together." " Really?" "For a second I thought you had come to see Thomas." " Isn't that wild?" " Why?" "Would that be so awful?" "Something I should never do?" "Here we go." "Look straight ahead." "You okay?" "Not dizzy?" "Look straight ahead." "We are sure of one thing:" "The spleen is destroying the platelets." "We saw it on the scintigraphy." "Come over here." "That means Thomas is changing floors." "He is going to surgery." "But splenectomies work." "But if nothing works, if all the treatments fail, then what?" "Will he live like a cripple, on IVs all the time?" "He'll have to avoid getting hurt so he doesn't bleed?" "We can't rule out the possibility." "But I can't give you an easy answer." "His spleen?" "Then what else, after that?" "First one thing, then another?" "Why didn't your brother come down with this instead?" "Why wasn't it Luc who caught it?" "Raymond." "What are you saying, what are you saying?" "You are stronger." "You would have coped." "You would have fought, reacted differently, dammit!" "Raymond, please." "Your elder son is in bad shape and you pester us with your opinions!" "Did he call you here to sound off?" "I didn't call anyone here." "Except Luc." "I invited him." "All right." "You poor fool." "You never miss a chance to talk nonsense." " We'll get better now." " "We"?" "What's this "we"?" "Who is it?" "You?" "You'll get better?" "Are you sick?" "Then get off our backs!" "How can you assume an illness that's not even yours?" "Know how you get over an illness?" "It depends on your attitude." "You understand?" "Your brother acts like it had nothing to do with him." "You think that's how you get better?" "You have to look on the bright side of things..." "It's the only way you can hope to get better." "I wish I hadn't handed that down to you." "But that's how you were raised." "What else can we do?" " Good evening, sir." " Good evening." "We have come to bother you a little bit." "Don't get up." "There's no problem, you can stay." "We'll get you ready for tomorrow's operation." "Now the other side." "There." "Good." "Hand on your belly." "You warm enough?" "Okay?" "Good." "Arms up." "There, that's good." "It doesn't pull too much?" "Still doing okay?" "The clippers sure come in handy." "Now the other side." " It's cold." " Sorry." "Still doing okay?" "Here we go." "This is going to pull a little." "Relax." "Everything will go just fine." "We're almost finished." "Now lift your left leg a little." "There." "Perfect." "Very good." "Now the other leg." "There, that's good." "That will do." "Where are you, Albert?" "You still here?" "Go to sleep, go to sleep." "You saved my life plenty of times, you know." "I bet you don't." "One time... maybe you remember..." "You must have been 15, I had have been 11." "It was in the dunes." "The whole gang was there." "The big guys, I mean." "There were little guys like me, too." "The groupies." "Like idiots, we went along with them." "The big guys had been throwing stones at a beehive in an old bunker." "The bees didn't complain for ages." "Then they all came out at once." "They weren't picky, they went after everybody." "So you grabbed me by the hand and lifted me off the ground." "And I flew." "It was late June." "I flew along the road, through the fields." "I flew all the way home." "And the whole way as you ran" "you were laughing your head off." "You can't love a brother more than that." "Later, you try to keep it up..." "But it's already in the past." "It's too late." "It's behind us." "You asleep?" "Good morning, Mr. Forestier." "How are you?" "I'm taking you to the operating room." "No dentures, no contact lenses?" "No?" "Okay." "I'm putting your file here." "I'm going to prop your head up." "You'll be more comfortable." "Disconnect the bed." "The bed rails." "And off we go." "Good morning, Mr. Forestier." "How are you?" "Did you get any sleep last night?" "See you later." "Chin up." "I don't know what Thomas thinks." "Does he think it will all happen fast, or that it will drag on?" "I think he thinks about it." "That's why he is not afraid." "He is brave." "But thinking about it is his job." "You need to think about the two of you." "You two are sharing something important." "Yes?" "Can I stay?" "I'll be very quiet." "Sure go ahead." "Luc?" "Luc, where are you?" "There you are!" "What are you up to?" "Come on." "I'm waiting." "So come on." "Did you unhook your machines again?" "I can't help you if you do that." "I dreamt that I ate a hat." "Did it taste good?" "Actually, it did." "It seemed like it." "I'm going to break up with Vincent." "I've had it." "I guess." "I don't know." "August" "Please." "Call someone." "Mommy!" "What is it, Lucy?" "The man there..." " Here?" "Is this the man?" " Yes." "What's wrong with him?" "It was so weird..." "She took a while to react." "She didn't scream or anything." "I was bloody all over." "This time..." "This time I didn't panic." "Maybe I'm getting used to the idea." "That's what the doctors say, don't they, Mom?" "You get used to the idea." " Do you want to go swimming?" " Yeah..." "No." "Or maybe just nearby." "Yes." "You were smart not to go in." "The undertow pulls you to the rocks." "Yeah, sure." "Next time." "Another time." "I love you very much." "I wanted you to know that." "I've always loved you." "Yeah..." "I love you very much, too." "The splenectomy didn't achieve the results we hoped for." "Your body keeps destroying your platelets for reasons we don't understand." "But a person can live without platelets." "You just have to be careful." "Do not cut yourself." "Avoid getting hurt." "No rough sexual intercourse." "Now we think the liver is responsible." "We can't remove your liver." "We are working on alternative treatments." "There's a new class of drugs." "My duty is to tell you you can live a healthy life, but that you could die at any time of a sudden hemorrhage." "But it could happen in 15 years, or tomorrow." "Or not at all." "It all depends, if you will..." "On how you deal with your illness." "You can very well live with no platelets that's for sure." "I'm so sick of this." "Thomas?" "Thomas?" "It's your decision, Thomas." "I have no role to play." "You'll have to sign a waiver, saying you refuse treatment." "Sure." "So, you are leaving us?" "May I?" "Bye." "I hope we won't see you back here." "Yes?" "So you are back in Nantes?" "Thomas?" "He's asleep." "Everything is fine." "Yes." "Don't worry, Mom." "Yes, okay." "Okay, I'll tell him." "Lots of love." "It will be nicer tomorrow." "Even if the weather was fine today." "Yes?" "Yes, Claire." "No." "No, he is gone out for a long walk." "Me, too, I am glad to see him walking." "And he is better off outdoors." "Sure." "Me, too." "Me, too, Claire." "Why would you to take so long to inform us?" "What would you expect?" "Could be the guy we found earlier." "The drowned man with a gash in his head?"