"Why are you always picking on me, huh?" "Your breath is terrible." "You're ugly because god hates you." "Ohh!" "After you." "You're welcome." "Oh, hey, Paul, I wanted to, um..." "Wow." "What do you say, Blake?" "What?" "What do I say?" "What does he mean, what do I say?" "What do I say?" "Does he mean, like, is there something I always say?" "Or what's on my mind this morning?" "Because I say a lot of things." "I'm saying things right now, right?" "Wait." "Wait." "Maybe it's some kind of game." "Maybe he's setting a "what do you say?" trap that he'll spring later." "Oh." "Ow!" "Who would just run up and kick a person without being told to somehow?" "Nurse Missy." "She's beautiful." "She's so smiley." "She's perfect." "She's all of that..." "And a bag of chips!" "Yum!" "Ta-da!" "Uh..." "Eh..." "Bye-bye." "Oh, hey, what's up, Danny?" "Aah!" "What, is today some kind of kicking-based holiday or something?" "!" "A-hole." "I don't even wear a dress." "What the hell is that?" "Oh, glue is what the hell is that." "Okay." "Aah!" "Ohh!" "All right, listen up, you screw-heads!" "Who put the cobra in my locker?" "Look, a cobra in the locker is fun every once in a while, sure." "I get that kind of humor." "But every day?" "I've never been treated worse than I'm treated here." "Like I'm some kind of clown." "I'm not a clown." "I mean, I'm a clown with the eughh and the eughh, but you guys are clowns with the, like, "argh!"" "Yeah, what you're talking about that I am, you are." "Aah!" "Come on, man!" "What the hell are... is everybody getting kicked today, or is it just me?" "It's like I have a sign on my..." "Mm." "Well..." "Get your kicks in now because I'm through being..." "What are you doing?" "No, no, no, no!" "I didn't mean..." "Oh, god!" "I didn't mean literal kicking!" "No!" "Stop kicking!" "Different kind of kicks!" "I meant, "have your fun now."" "Yeah, okay." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Yo, come on!" "Stop!" "Different kind of fun!" "You got my sack!" "Oh!" "Stop kicking me!" "Fun that doesn't involve kicking!" "Go-o-o-o-o-od!" "You'll regret this." "Attention, staff, interviews for the head surgeon are today, so if you need to take revenge on anyone, now is the time." "That is all." "Head surgeon." "Let's see who's really the clown." "Cat Black. 1:00." "12:45." "Blake downs." "Let the games begin." "Hi, yeah." "Are you Cat Black's gynecologist?" "I'm calling from a lab that just ran her latest tests." "You got to see her right away." "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Her vagina's all messed up." "And she said she's only free at 1:00 P.M. today, so just tell her that's all you can do." "Go to sleep, Val." "Owen's turn." "Hey." "Uh..." ""Dear Missy,"" "I noticed you like potato chips." "Me, too." "I also like your face." ""See you around." "Blake."" "Read." "And that's why I'd make a good head surgeon." "But I can't pretend to think that I'd make a better head surgeon than any of my fellow doctors." "Sure, Val used to be a raging alcoholic, but since she quit drinking, she's left a trail of successes behind her as long as his dick." "And I know what you're thinking, and Owen could not be the one who trashed this room today." "Sure, he has a history of trashing rooms as long as his dick, but his desire for this position far outweighs his uncontrollable rage." "And cat." "She's gonna be a mother." "And I know what you're thinking." ""Surely, she won't be able to perform the duties of head surgeon." "She'll have to run off to gynecological appointments."" "But I can assure you that Cat Black always reports for duty." "And as for me, I mean," "I wish I had a story half as interesting as theirs or this guy's dick." "I'm married to my job, I guess." "And you can bet I treat that job-lady right." "Unh." "Thank you." "Cat's a no-show, huh, Val?" "Weird." "You know, you don't look so much like an evil whore when you're asleep." "You almost look innocent, you know?" "Like a tiny pink baby rat." "They're so cute when they're kids." "Val, you got a little spittle on your upper lip." "Let me get it for you." "Tickle, tickle." "You look drunk." "Oh, hey, hey." "Owen, Owen, Owen, before you go in there, you should know that someone trashed this room today, and they think it's you." "So you should clear your name right at the top." "But... but... but... but..." "but there's not a lot of time." "So the more desperate you seem, the better." "Go, go, go, go." "I feel like Gepetto right now." "He's a puppeteer in "Pinocchio."" "Forget it." "I should have said Jeff Dunham." "You're up, Val!" "Better get in there!" "Aah!" "You're up, Val." "Better get in there." "Okay." "There you go." "You got it." "There you go." "No problem." "Ohh!" "Give it another try." "Ah, got it again." "Let me help you, sweetie." "Here, here, here." "Let me help you." "Here you go." "Now you got it." "Go ahead." "Yeah, oh... oops." "One more try." "One more try." "Oh." "I got it." "Here's the problem." "Got to open the door." "I want to play chess with these guys." "Yeah, that should be enough." "Hi, sorry, I was just a little worried about..." "Oh, dear." "Poor, poor soul." "Well, you know what they say..." "alcoholism's a disease, right?" "I mean, that's what they say, but that's kind of a load of horse shit, huh?" "So, where are you guys standing on the head surgeon position?" "Whoa, what a day, huh?" "Don't you guys think?" "A real roller coaster of events." "But I want to assure you guys that my priority is to this hospital and the lives of everyone in it, and that includes the people who work for me." "I will hold no grudges, and I will have no favorites." "Just here to make this hospital a better place." "So, you're all fired." "Get your stuff and get out before I call the cops." "Ahh." "Nananana, shh." "No more words." "Here." "Why don't you polish that sign for a while?" "How would you like that, babe?" "Yeah." "Put a little effort into it." "I want to see your reflection in it." "That's it." "Let me get that for you." "You're fired." "Fired." "Fired." "You are so fired!" "Oh, hey, Bobby!" "Wait up." "I want to fire you."