"Previously on In Treatment." "Teachers marry students, there's no big deal about it." "Is it really wrong?" "Let's say I stop Laura's therapy." "Surely in 18 months when it's cooled off..." " There's no cooling-off period." " That's bullshit some lawyer came up with." "It's not a law, it's beyond a code of ethics." "It's something you carry inside you." " There's a lot of people would disagree." " Then go to them." "It's really tough when I'm alone with her, you know?" "And she's asking me," ""Please, just be honest." "Please tell me how you feel."" "But I can't..." "Paul, you need to say it." "I love her." "(Knocking)" " Hello." "Come in, come in." " (Paul) Hi." " (Kate) Hi." " Hi, Kate, Paul." " Hi, Kate." " Hello." " It's good to see you." " And you." " You've been here before, right?" " Uh, it was years ago." "Actually, it was the Argentineans, I think." "Oh, an institute conference." "Yes, that's right, that's right." " You look great." " Thank you." "So do you." "Oh, well..." "Um..." " This room's lovely." " Thank you." "I did some rearranging but I'm not sure how comfortable I am in it." "I told myself I would write a few hours a day..." " Did Paul tell you I retired?" " Uh..." "No." "No, Paul didn't tell me." " But, writing, that's... that's fantastic." "Uh..." " We'll see." "(Both chuckle)" "I've often thought that I might try my hand, but... but I would never dare. (Chuckles)" "So, um..." "It's a little unusual to have ongoing sessions with Paul and then to see the both of you." "I thought it might be helpful if we all decided how to approach this." "I, um..." "I think I told you when I called that this was Kate's suggestion." "(Gina) You said that." "If I were you, I wouldn't be so sure I'd agree to it." "Why not?" "Well, we've blurred some lines here, you and I." "It's true, we have." "But I think we'll be OK if we set down some guidelines." "I was thinking we could meet three times, re-evaluate and then decide where we want to go from there." "(Gina) OK?" "Yeah, OK." "Now, what made you decide to come here?" "Paul, you said that it was Kate's suggestion, but you're going along with it." "I think I told you about Kate going to Rome and, uh... and who she went with." "She, uh..." "She got back and, uh... she said that it was over with that guy and I guess we both had the sense of "So, what do we do now?"" "Kate did offer to talk about it and I couldn't." "I was too angry." "I know in couples therapy you try not to blame each other and I'm always telling my patients that, like it's the simplest thing." "Now here I am and, uh..." "I can't stop blaming." "Intellectually, I get it, that I'm half of the equation, but, uh..." "You said you couldn't talk to Kate, so she hasn't heard any of this, how you feel." "Well, I think she knows that she hurt me... deeply... and that, uh... that I hated her." "Could you go into that?" "I hated you for thinking you were entitled to this, that you implied I brought it on myself." "I couldn't shake it." "Every minute, I'd get a wave of rage and loss..." "Why?" "Why loss?" "Because I really don't know if I can forgive her." "I've seen couples come back from this, but, right now, I'll be damned if I know how they did it." "Anyway, she got back Tuesday and I said, "Well, should I move out?"" "She said that wasn't what she wanted and... (Sighs)" "You tell her." "Uh, well, I just asked him why he couldn't talk to me about all of this, you know, everything we're going through." "Can you answer that, Paul?" "I just said I..." "I couldn't." "I tell patients having someone cheat on you is like mourning a death." "Who you were as a couple, the image you have of yourself - it is like losing a loved one." "You, um, keep telling us what you tell patients, but you're talking about your mourning, your rage, your loss." "You're sounding very controlled." "What, you want me to throw something?" "Try to strangle her?" "(Chuckles)" "I can barely look at her." "I'm so... (Sighs)" "I feel like I'm falling apart, Gina." "I should tell you this, and Kate already knows I..." "I attacked a patient in therapy." "The pilot." "In the middle of therapy, I jumped him." "I lost it." "Suddenly, I was on top of him." "I grabbed him." "I almost..." "I almost hit him." "Scared the hell out of me." "Out of both of us, I guess." "Anyway, my first thought afterwards was that I was reacting to Kate." "She came home during the session, she knocked at the door, back from Rome." "I heard her outside the office and then..." "What is it?" "I shouldn't discuss a patient with Kate here." "You can't discuss a patient who's spying on me?" "He... he did all this, uh, research about Kate and about... about my father." "He knew that Kate was in Italy with, uh... with another man and, uh, he... he... he threw it in my face." " How did he know that?" " He made calls." "People that had recommended me to him." "I don't know who they are." "Anyway, that's not the point." "Instead of handling it properly, I jumped in and, uh..." "And I... (Clears throat) I lay in bed that night thinking," ""Do I take a month off?" "Or three months off?" ""Maybe I should take a year off." "Maybe I'm... (Chuckles) "Maybe I'm all done."" " And that's my fault?" " What?" "Your creepy patient, he's my fault as well?" "Actually, it made me think how much I..." "I need you." " Do you?" " Yeah." "You, the kids, the house" " I need that." "I need that other place where I can..." "That..." "What?" "Hang on." "That other place?" "Oh, Paul," "I'm pretty sure we're supposed to be the place." "I'm sorry." "How does this work?" " Do we take turns?" "Is that how..." " Sure." "Whatever you're comfortable with." "Um..." "Look, it's always been very difficult for me, trying to describe what I'm feeling." "Um..." "When you're having a baby - yeah?" "You're lying there in that hospital bed and... and you don't need - you don't want - everything understood and shared and analysed and discussed, you..." "All you want to know is that you're not alone and that your husband's hand is right there." "Um..." "But try describing to your husband exactly what it feels like to have a child, it's just impossible." "A friend of mine once said," ""Take an umbrella, shove it up his ass," ""open it and pull." " (Laughs) - "Then he'll know."" "So someone sticking an umbrella up your ass is..." "What..." "What's the umbrella?" "Please don't analyse me." "Well, it's quite an analogy." "I'm not your patient." "He..." "He doesn't get to interpret everything I say in here, does he?" "It's the same as when Paul's at home." "He's not a psychotherapist here." "He's a man dealing with a crisis in his marriage." "He's not a therapist at home?" "OK. (Chuckles, sniffs)" "Can you go on, Kate?" "When you told me about attacking the patient," "I felt like that was for my benefit." "That you just wanted to show me what I'd done to you by seeing Edward, how I'd ruined your life..." "Well, your work." "You haven't ruined my life." "You're the best thing in it." "Well, I felt like you were putting on a show." "Christ." "You know, I believed you when you told me that you wanted me to stop seeing Edward, I did." "But when you sit here and tell me that I'm the best thing in your life..." "I don't believe that." "And that makes me so sad." "And the way you talk to me sometimes," "I mean, I will ask you outright," ""Do you love me?" And you've said to me... you've looked at me and you've said," ""Yes..." ""for now."" "It's..." "It's a joke." "Well, what the hell kind of a joke is that?" "Someone asks you if you love them, you don't think that they're feeling vulnerable?" "A little insecure, maybe?" "They need some reassurance?" "Everything we say has meaning, that's your line." "But we don't mean everything that we say." "Which is it?" "That's convenient for you, isn't it?" "We don't mean what we say, fine, cos I don't believe a lot of what you say." "I mean, Gina just pointed it out." "You said, "I'm hurt," but it sounded like you were reading something out of a psychology book or something." "How do you need me?" "You don't need me." "I..." "I just don't believe that." "You know, when Paul and I were first seeing each other..." "I couldn't get over how seriously he took me." "I'd really just..." "I'd never had that from anyone." "Up until then, I'd always pretty much felt, um... invisible." "And, uh, there was also..." "there was this... there was this exciting new idea that... that under everything people say there's another intention and that there's this hidden meaning, which just meant that everything had to be analysed." "So, everything I said took on this importance because he was working so hard to figure me out." "And he was really the first person who tried to understand me." "And I..." "Thank you." "And I just remember feeling... very grateful to him for that." "So, uh, it was quite a shock for me to realise that it wasn't about me." "It had..." "It had fuck all to do with me, really." "I mean, it was about him." "Because you don't actually understand me." "Understanding me is not about subtext or the subconscious." "It's not about reading some kind of an X-ray, you know?" "It's..." "It's just so clinical, you... (Sighs)" "It's worse because you use it against me." "You think you know what I mean before I know what I mean, and how am I supposed to argue with that?" "This is what I've gotten out of our marriage," "I've got to go over everything ten different ways." "I can't take anything at face value." "Nothing is simple." "Nothing is ever simple." "I hate it." "I hate that that's what I've become." "Just the patient married to the doctor." "Huh." "Well, uh, for someone who was asking how this whole thing works, you're doing a blue-riband job." "Got to give you that." "I didn't come here for you to grade my performance." "Kate, can you explain to Paul why you were seeing Edward?" "I don't want to explain." "No?" "No, this is exactly what I'm saying." "Why does everything have to be explained?" "Sometimes I just don't know and sometimes I don't want to know." "Fine." "Initially, it was just excitement and adrenaline." "There was this possibility when I woke up in the morning that I may do something that I hadn't planned, or that I didn't even know I was capable of." "And that's who I was before I met Paul." "And somewhere along the way, that part of me just... died or, I don't know, it was smothered." "The point I'm trying to make is why can I not just trust myself to be who I am and to just get on with it?" "Well, just because you don't look, it doesn't mean there's nothing underneath." "That's very profound, I'm sure." " There's still a reason why you..." " Would you please stop it?" "I do not want your intellectual interpretation of everything I say." "I did it because I felt something." "What did you feel?" "Wanted." "Do you..." "I mean, do you want me to say that I want you?" "I do." "I want you." "That's why I'm here, so that you'II... you'll believe it." "Paul, do you feel that you need a witness to verify your love for Kate?" "Thank you." "Thank you." "I'm sorry, but I just keep getting this... that image of Bill Clinton, that footage of him." "Standing in front of the cameras and he's wagging his finger so adamantly." ""I did not have sexual relations with that woman."" "That's some comparison." "You know, I can't assert anything strongly enough, because that would be a clear indication of my, uh... insincerity, but, on the other hand, if I don't state my feelings, that's something else." "Fair enough." "Maybe there's nothing you can say to me." "All I know is I have to feel it in my gut to believe it." " And you don't." " No, I don't." "Do you remember?" "Do you remember what it feels like to be wanted?" "To be truly desired and pursued?" "It's not something you experience as a debate." "It's not an argument you need to be convinced of." "It's just this... this... this force that has to be..." "that has to be reckoned with." "What?" "What is it?" "Did I..." "What?" "(Laughs) What did I say?" "What's going on?" "(Clears throat)" "Do you... do you know what transference is?" "Whe... when a patient has feelings for their therapist which are, in fact, drawn from their relationships with their parents." "They project qualities onto the therapist that don't really exist or they can be just exaggerated." "And then when they find the courage, the patient... they reach a level of trust and they feel safe enough to express their desire for the..." "And..." "And so for a time, the... the... the patient may experience feelings as if they're truly intended for the... for the therapist." "Did you fuck her?" "What?" "Is that what you're telling me?" "Are you telling me that you slept with a patient?" "No, that's not what I'm..." "You asked me if I felt someone's desire for me." "I'm saying yes, I have patients who've indicated feelings for me, only I'm not flying off to Rome to fuck them." "It happens in therapy all the time." " Has this happened to you?" " (Whispers) Yes, it has." "I've spoken to Gina about it." "It's really valuable for me to explore my feelings with another therapist, so they don't get in the way, so I can work through them, because then they don't get the best of me and ruin my marriage." "That's..." "All right, so exactly what kind of feelings has this woman provoked in you?" "What has he said to you?" "Kate, only Paul can answer that." "It's OK, he doesn't have to." "Ah." "This is why he needed to make some sort of a... declaration of commitment to me." "This is his wagging finger, his "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."" " But I didn't." " Doesn't matter." "This is not nothing." "If this were nothing, you wouldn't have brought it up here." "If this were just some patient with a silly crush..." "Is..." "Are you telling me that you've fallen in love with some patient that you're treating?" "(Gasps)" "Look, you have your insurance guy, you don't get to play the outraged wife here." "He's not an insurance guy and you know it." " Whatever he is." " Thanks for another stupid, painful joke." "And I don't get to play outraged?" "Ha." "What about the last few weeks?" "Acting like a martyr and the whole time you're chasing a patient." "Jesus Christ." "Actually, let me guess." "What is she?" "Some girl with no father figure?" "He died?" "Abandoned her when she was 12?" "He loves that type." "I'll tell you." " How old is she?" " What type, Kate?" "Girls with that particular brand of dysfunction - tasty little daddy complex so he can sweep them off their feet." "It's daydreaming, that's all." "Maybe it's a little more than daydreaming..." "Look, I wanted to come clean here." "Now you know." "The reason I'm telling you is because I want it to stop." "Well... (Chuckles) St..." "You want to stop what?" "You wanna stop wanting to fuck patients?" " How do you stop that?" " I don't know, but we might try acting like a couple who actually might want to be together." "Maybe you can describe to Kate what you're experiencing with this patient, like Kate did with Edward." "Look, you can't... can't compare the..." "She slept with somebody." "I allowed myself a fantasy." "That's all." "I never admitted it to this woman." "I certainly never..." "I certainly never acted on it." " But you were dying to." " Yes, I was dying to, but I didn't." "Anyway, she quit therapy." "I forgot to tell you, she quit therapy on Monday." "Good." "Now you can fuck her without worrying... or losing your licence." "Or maybe I can try to save our marriage, or what's left of it, which, apparently, isn't very much." "Did you say Monday?" " Monday?" " Monday, yes." "That's why you wouldn't go with Max on a Monday?" "Because you didn't want to miss your session with this girl?" "Are you serious?" "Max, he's having a lot of problems at school and, uh... there was this conference with his teachers and Paul wanted to reschedule because..." "I knew something was wrong." "I knew it." "And all your speechifying, all your fucking sanctimony, walking around like the mortally wounded, and the whole time..." "Oh, Jesus." "Makes total sense now, doesn't it?" "A million little things." "When did this start?" "Wait..." "How..." "No, how long has this been going on?" "How long has what been going on?" "I told you nothing happened." "I'll tell you when." "It started a year ago, didn't it?" " Am I right?" " Jesus." " What happened to us?" " What happened to us?" "What happened to you?" "What happened to you, Paul?" "Edward, he was nothing." " Nothing?" " Can you say it's nothing?" "Can you say it's nothing with this..." " What is her name?" " I can't tell you." "I'm not allowed." "I want to know and you'd better tell me." " I am not fucking around." " Laura." "Laura." "Why don't you tell me it's nothing with Laura?" "My God." "I made a mistake." "I made a..." "With someone I couldn't even be in... (Sighs)" "God damn you." "What do you want?" "Do you want me to say it's nothing?" "Because it isn't nothing." "That's why we're here." "That's why I'm here." "Fuck you." "Paul, you can understand how she's feeling." "She came here wanting to leave her affair behind and work on your marriage and... then she finds out that you have feelings for another woman." "It's not the same thing, Gina." "Still... you've both been pulling away from the relationship." "Now what's left is to fight over who's been hurt the most." "Why?" "Why is anyone cheating?" "Looking to someone else for a connection?" "How did the marriage end up feeling this empty?" "OK, this is a first step." "We'll keep looking at these reactions and what they mean, where they started." "As I said in the beginning, we... we should meet a few times and then decide to go on with couples therapy or some other solution." "(Paul) OK." "Gina, I'd like to pay for my sessions so far and for this one." "We don't have to do that now." "Five sessions." "How much are you..." "Paul, as you said in the beginning, some lines have been blurred here." "So, I haven't even thought about this." "Let me figure it out and I'll send you a bill." " OK." " OK?" "What exactly am I going home with?" "What the hell am I supposed to do with this before... our next instalment?" "Kate, you can call me any time." "Paul, you know that." "And if you want to meet before next Friday, it's fine." "I'm here." "(Kate sniffs)" "(Dog barking)" "Thanks, Gina." "Take care, Paul." "English SDH"