"to a dreadful dynasy of vicious vampire ducks." "The Counts of Duckula!" "Legend has it that these fowl beings can be destroyed... by a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight." "This does not suffice, however... for they may be brought back to life... by means of a sacred rite... that can be performed once a century... when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius!" " Batswing blood." " I'll get it!" "The latest reincarnation did not run according to plan." "Ooh!" "In the heart of Transylvania" "In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah" "There's not a vampire zanier than" "Duckula" "He won't bite beast or man" "'Cause he's a vegetarian" "And things never run to plan for" "Duckula" "If you're lookin' for some fun" "You can always count upon" "The wild and wacky one they call" "Duckula" "Heh heh!" "Count Duckula!" "Heh heh heh!" "These are the Transylvanian Alps-- majestic, menacing, magnificent and malevolent." "Amidst their looming and lowering peaks stands a castle." "Yes, this is Castle Duckula... where hideous, bloodcurdling shrieks... echo from the very depths." "Nanny!" "Nanny!" "Help!" "Help!" "Oh, my little Duckypoos." "Whatever's the matter?" "I've just had the most hideous dream, Nanny." "Oh, hideous, horrible, hair-raising, and" "Oh!" "Who's that?" "Oh, it's only Mr. Igor bringing your breakfast." "Breakfast?" "I'll never be able to eat anything ever again, never." "Now, that's silly talk, isn't it?" " And why not?" " That dream." "I dreamt I was eating a giant hamburger!" "There's hope for you yet, sir." "It was horrible." "Huge and... meay and..." "Oh, no!" "Oh, no!" "Oh, no!" "What is it now?" "Tell Nanny." "Nanny." "Nanny!" "Where's my pillow?" "I've eaten my pillow." "I think not, milord." "It's here." "It must have fallen off the bed." "Oh, thank goodness." "Oh, that word, sir." "If you could avoid its use, I will be most grateful." "Goodness, Igor." "That's the trouble with you-- always looking on the black side." "Well, I suppose that's what comes of living in a dump like this." "I mean, it's bound to make you depressed." "But, sir, there's nothing wrong with it." "I mean, just look at it." "It's a monstrosiy-- a huge, dilapidated, crumbling, depressing, outdated monstrosiy." "Now, then, young master... that's no way to talk about your old Nanny." "What this place needs is cheering up." "A few coats of paint." "Some color, some life." "Oh, milord, please." "Please, no more." "I beg of you." "My mind is made up." "There's going to be a few changes made around here." "Hello?" "Transylvania Morning Sun?" "I'd like to place an advertisement in your paper." ""Wally the friendly werewolf needs a home."" "This paper-- such rubbish they print." "Whoever heard of a friendly werewolf?" "Schinken und kase!" "What's this?" ""Wanted--interior designer..." ""to renovate and refurbish large Transylvanian castle." ""Applications to Count Duckula" ""Duckula Castle, Transylvania Avenue, Transylvania."" "I wonder what he could be up to." "Would you get that, Igor, before Nanny" "I'll get it." "Order a new front..." "door, please, Igor." "At once, sir." "Oh, now, how did that happen?" "It matters not, for the moment I set eyes on it..." "I said to myself, "That door must go, go, go."" " Go?" " Precisely." "Oak and iron." "Just so brutal, don't you think?" "Not often, no." "Too, too arrogant." "That door said, "Keep out."" "Oh, it never did." "When?" "What we want it to say is..." ""Come in."" "Count Duckula, I presume." "You presume right." "So sorry about the door." "Nanny" "Has solved our problem." "Problem?" "What problem?" "I can see it now." "The new door will be glass." "Plate glass." "Light and air is what we want." "Light and air?" "Of course--glass." "Ah, but I forget myself." "I have not yet presented you with my credentials." "Here." "Oh, thank you." ""Mr. Roberto-- designer to the stars"?" "Yes, I am he-- Mr. Roberto." "As soon as I saw your advertisement in the Transylvania Morning Sun..." "I said to myself, "Roberto," I said..." ""that job is you, you, you."" "Me, me, me?" "Oh, you, you, you." "Well you've made an impressive start." "Glass front doors, eh?" "Glass front doors." "Oh, whatever next?" "Come in and give the old place the once over, then." "It will be more than a pleasure." "Men?" "My artisans." " How do?" " Morning." "Yes." "Now, this is the main hallway." " Palms." " Beg your pardon?" "Lianas, yucca plants, philodendra." "Phil who?" "Yes." "This space we will transform into a jungle of greenery." "The stairway will have to go, of course." "Oh, don't know about that." "Could have problems there." "And through here is the librarary." "Ah, the bibliotheque." "Oh, I don't like that Mr. Roberto." "He thinks he's everybody's self... but who he is I don't suppose." "I cant say that I've taken to him, either, Nanny." "He'll have to go." "And if he doesn't, I will." "No, Nanny." "I have a better idea." "What's that, then, Mr. Igor?" "We shall withdraw our labor." "Yes!" "What's that mean?" "We shall refuse to do any work, Nanny." "We shall go on strike." " Oh, we can't do that." " Why not?" "Who's going to make his dinner?" "Who's going to iron his shirts?" "Who's going to read him his bedtime stories?" "I thought I had ceased to be surprised by your thick-headedness, Nanny." "I was wrong." "The point is that no one is going to make his dinner and iron his shirts." "Oh, my poor little Duckypoos!" "But only until that dreadful man and his motley crew have departed." "Oh, ye" "Here, just a minute." "What is it now, Nanny?" "Who are you calling thick-headed?" "And this is the" " Oh, yes." " Yes?" " Yes!" "Oh, yes, yes, yes!" " Yes?" "You know what this room says, don't you?" "Yes." "That is, no." "It says mirrors." "Yes?" "It does?" "It does." "Mirrors from ceiling to floor." "It just shouts it at you." "Screams at the top of its voice." "Jot that down, men-- mirrors." "Do you want the heat-extruded polytetrafluoroethyline... or glass?" "But glass, of course." "Nothing is to be skimped on." "Runs into money does glass." "Well, perhaps the polythyrostrudel would be" "Now, the basement." "Oh, yes, you mean the dungeons." "I mean, the cellar." "The cellar." "The cellar, the basement-- call it what you will." "It will become an experience!" "I shiver, I tremble." "Well, yes, you would." "The dungeons always are cold and damp." "I tremble not from the cold... but from the vision of transformation that springs to my mind's eye." "Close your eyes." "What do you see?" "Nothing." "Deep vermillion and glistering gold... the flickering of candles and torches... the tinkling of tiny brass chimes... the heady aroma of incense from the Orient." "I shall create a pleasure-dome to rival that of Kubla Khan!" "A pleasure-dome." "Well, that sounds...pleasant." "All this interior designing certainly builds up an appetite." "I'm a bit peckish." "Time for a snack, and a large snack at that." "Nanny, Nanny!" "Nanny!" "Oh, where did she go to?" "Igor?" "Igor!" "Where is everybody?" "I can see there's only one thing to do." "I'll have to make my own snack." "There you are." "I was calling for you at the top of my voice." " I was shouting." " That's right, dear." "Quite a noise you was making, too." "You mean you heard me?" "Indeed we did, milord." "Quite a remarkable pair of lungs you have... if I may be so bold as to say so." "Look, I was calling you." "Why didn't you answer?" "Because we're on strike." "Strike?" "On strike?" "Precisely, sir." " On strike?" " Yes." "Oh, this is ridiculous." "I'm hungry." "I want my snack, Nanny." "Well, you knows where the refrigerumerator is." "Look, l" "What's all this about, anyway?" "It's about that dreadful man." " Mr. Roberto?" " Yes, milord." "We're not going to lift a finger until we go." "No, Nanny." "Oh, yes, I remember." "We're not going to go until he lifts his fingers." "Nanny, what are you" "Igor, what's Nanny talking about?" "What she's endeavoring to tell you, sir... is that we are not going to lift a finger until he goes." "Oh, he's gone." "Oh, well in that case" "But he's coming back tomorrow at 9..00 sharp... to get started decorating." "Nanny, l" "Igor" "All right, have it your own way." "I'll just have to hire someone else, that's all." "See if I care." "Hello?" "Transylvania Morning Sun?" "Oh, good." "I'd like to place another advertisement in your paper." ""Wally the friendly werewolf eats old lady who offers home."" "Well, you see there?" "I told you there's no such werewolf as a friendly one." "Wienerwald und wunderkind!" "What's this?" ""Butler/housekeeper required." ""No previous experience necessary." ""Must be good at snacks." ""Applications to Count Duckula." ""Castle Duckula, Transylvania Avenue, Transylvania."" "I don't know what it is that's going on up there... but whatever it is, this is my chance." "Count Duckula, prepare to breathe your last!" "Just as I thought-- I'm hungry." "Nanny, Nanny, I want my breakfast." "Oh, of course." "The strike." "I guess I'll have to get my own." "Igor, answer that" "This is so inconvenient." "Looks like I'll have to do it myself." "That's funny." "I could have sworn I heard someone knocking." "Yes, it was me." "You nearly made me jump out of my feathers." "What's the idea of sneaking up on me like that?" "I have come in answer to your advertisement... in the Transylvania Morning Sun." "What?" "You mean--quick, quick!" "There's not a moment to lose." " Why?" "What's happening?" " To the kitchen." " I need breakfast, and quick." " So I'm hired?" "Yes, Mr. Hired, I should say so." "I'm famished." "There, now." "What do you see before you?" "Well, it's a castle, isn't it?" "It's a castle, yeah." "Wrong, wrong, wrong." "It is the chrysalis from which will emerge the imago of my brilliance." "Whatever you say, guv." "Yeah." "Still looks like a castle to me." "How do you like your steak?" "Steak?" "Steak?" "Look, I thought I told you I was a vegetar" "I don't believe it." "I might have guessed." "Goosewing!" "On second thought, I'll just skip breakfast." "You villain!" "To work, men." "Work with diligence." "Work with care." "But above all, work with love." "Gordon Bennett." "Now, here are the plans." "I shall return later to inspect the fruits of your labor." "So, I think I have another plan forming in my mind." "Duckula, your nemesis is nigh!" "Nice bit of scaffolding, that." "Yeah." "Yeah, nice." " Nice cup of tea and all." " Nice, yeah." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Ah, good." "There you are." "Look, you've blocked the front door with your scaffolding." "Yeah?" "Yes, so you'd better unblock it, and quick." "Oh, no." "No, can't do that, guv." "What do you mean you can't?" "Why not?" " Tea break." " Tea break?" "Tea?" "What are you talking about?" "Statutory tea break, guv." "I'll tell you what-- we'll finish our tea, and then see what we can do for you." "Yeah." "Can't promise nothing, mate." "Strikes, tea breaks-- this is all too much." "And on top of everything, I still haven't had my breakfast." "Maybe I can get to the kitchen this way." "Well, suppose we'd better make a start." "Ah, so, guten Morgen." "Who are you?" "Ja, I am the new workman." "I have come to assist you." "He didn't say nothing about no new workman." " Who?" " Mr. Roberto." "Yeah, designer to the stars." "Mr. Roberto." "Ja, ja, he said to tell you that he didn't say nothing... because...he... because he is forgetting." " Oh, right." " That'll be it, then." "Fooling these dimwitted artisans was almost too simple." "Now, Duckula, you fiend, your end is at hand." "What'd you say?" "Oh, nothing, nothing, just-- just clearing my throat." "Clear now, is it?" "Yes it seems to be quite clear, thank you." "Well, you can start work, then." "And you can start by getting that scaffolding away from the door." "Yeah, and we'll be putting the kettle on." "Tea break." "Ja, tea break." "Of course." "Now those fools have gone..." "I will find Duckula and blast him off the face of the earth." "Must be near the kitchen by now." " Goosewing!" " So, Duckula... you have seen through mine disguise again." "And now, you're finished!" "I'm going to get you, you blood-sucking vermin." "There's no escape now, you fiend." "There's only one thing to do." "I'm going to have to jump." "Ah, there you are, men." "How's the work progressing?" "Have you made a silk purse from a sow's ear." "Has the phoenix risen from the ashes?" "Well, we got the scaffolding up." "Scaffolding?" "Scaffolding?" "But why?" "Well, we always put scaffolding up." "Don't we, Norm?" "I am an interior designer." "Interior." "I have no need of scaffolding." "Well, that's all right, then." "The new bloke's got it down again." "New bloke?" "New what?" "Well, the new bloke you sent." "I sent no one." "Well, that's all right, then, 'cause he's gone." "Oh, please, no more." "My head spins." "I can see I shall have to supervise this job myself." "To work, men." "Left hand down a bit, Den." " This is too much, Nanny." " Yes." " The strike is not working." " No." " Something must be done." " Yes." " This can't go on any longer." " No." "We shall have to take matters into our own hands." "Yes." "Mr. Roberto will have to go." "No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "Oh, you've got me all of a muddle now, Mr. Igor." "Oh, Nanny." "Now, listen." "I have a plan." "Here's what I suggest we do." "You know something, Sviatoslav?" "What's that, Dimitri?" " My Uncle Vlad was right." " How do you mean?" "He always said I'd come to a sticky end." "A sticky end." "I don't get it." "Now we'll get rid of that dreadful man, once and for all." "Now, Your Excellency, prepare yourself for ecstasy." "We have completed work in the first room." "I call it my Hall of Mirrors." "Hall of Mirrors, eh?" "Well, now, that sounds exciting." "Enter." "Behold." "Well, it's certainly very" "Exactly." "These mirrors impart such a feeling of pluraliy." "Don't you think?" "Such a" "I" "You--where" " Oh, no." " Is something the matter?" "You seem to have gone kind of pale." "Where are you?" "I'm here." "Here." "Here, look." "I meant, where's your reflection?" "You have no" "Oh, don't worry about that." "it happens all the time." "You know, look in the mirror and there you are--not there." "You get used to it after a while." "Apparently, it's something to do with my genes." "It runs in the family." "Oh, no." "A vampire." "A vampire!" "A vampire!" "Help!" "Oh, come on." "I'm not" "Look, I'm a vegetarian." "The very thought of blood" "Blood?" "!" "Oh, no!" "Keep that beak away from my neck." "Help!" "Help!" "Come back." "I'm not going to" " Help!" " Come ba" "Help!" "Watch where you're going, Nanny!" "Oh, Duckypoos." "Did Nanny hurt you?" "No, I'm all right." "I'm more shaken than hurt." "Hey, Igor, Nanny, what are you doing with that cannon?" "We were polishing it, sir." "We seen that man come past us just now." " Gone, has he?" " Yes, Nanny, I'm afraid he has." "And the nasy workmen, too?" "I guess so." "Oh, good." "Just a minute." "Does that mean you're not on strike anymore?" "I would imagine it does." " Nanny?" " What is it, my little dumpling?" "Can I have some breakfast now, please?" "Oh, of course you can." "I'll get it right" "Oops-a-daisy." "Oh, Nanny, you clumsy" "Oh, no." "What's the matter, Igor?" "Gosh, that scared me." "Oh, well, we'll clear the mess up later." "First, I've got to have my breakfast." "Well, it'll be lunch by now." "What the heck." "I'm so hungry, I think I'll have both." " Oh, dear." " What is it, Nanny?" "Mr. Igor's shot the kitchen." "What?" "!" "Oh, no!" "My breakfast!" "My lunch!" "My" "Once more, the Transylvanian sky... is rent by fearful, blood-curdling screams." "Good night out there... whatever you are." "If you're feeling..." "Or you're kind of..." "Could be you've met up with" "Duckula" "If your knees go..." "And your teeth go..." "Maybe you've bumped into" "Duckula" "He flies through the night" "Looking for a bite" "But he's back home by daylight" "Duckula" "If you're sort of..." "Or you're a little..." "It's certain you've run into" "Duckula" "If your heart goes..." "Or your mind goes..." "Man, you had a brush with" "Duckula" "So watch out for the..." "Beware of the..." "And pray you'll never meet with" "Duckula" "Count Duckula"