"[upbeat music]" "♪♪" " Good, and turn and wave." "More teeth." "Less teeth." "Excellent!" "Keep it up!" "You might be wondering why I'm helping Lola practice for a beauty contest." "Well, tomorrow is the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant, and the winner gets the greatest prize ever-- two season passes to Dairyland Amoosement Park!" "That's one for Lola and one for coach." "I've been working my butt off all week to make sure she wins." " [sneezes] [spits]" " Oh, oh, God!" "It's been a long, hard road, but once we get to Dairyland, it'll all be worth it." " Get back here, Hops!" " Lana, watch out!" "Do you know how hard it is to steam-clean chiffon?" " Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." " Okay, Lola." "Let's move on to your walk." "Remember what Gil DeLily says in his best-selling book," ""Unlocking Your Inner Pageant Queen"" ""To win the day, you must sashay!"" " I know how to walk, Lincoln." " [slowed] No!" "Okay, minor setback." "We can still win this thing." " Wake up and smell the hairspray, Lincoln." "It's over!" " You can't just quit!" "We worked hard on this!" " There'll be other pageants, you know." " But not with Dairyland tickets." " Lincoln, I need my beauty rest." "As your pal Gil DeLily would say," ""I can't recover if you're going to hover."" " I can't believe I learned to French braid for nothing." " Hey, Lincoln." "You done with this?" "I could use the scrap metal for welding." " [gasps]" " ♪ Hallelujah" " Uh, why are you looking at me like that?" " Lana, how would you like a season pass to Dairyland?" " [gasps] - ♪ Hallelujah" " Don't toy with me, Lincoln!" " I'm not!" "All you have to do is one teensy, tiny, little thing." " What is it?" "I'll do anything!" " You just have to take Lola's place in the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant and win." " Are you kidding me?" "Agh!" "Do you know who you're talking to?" " Some who's going to love Dairyland's newest ride-- the Milk Shaker." "It's so fast, you can barf, fly around a loop, and get hit in the face with said barf." " Darn you, Lincoln!" "I am in!" "But wait." "What if Lola finds out?" "You know what she's capable of." "[dramatic music] [both shuddering]" " She won't find out." "I promise." "Agh!" "First off, we got to clean you up." "Dirt on your face gets you last place." " [snoring]" "What are you doing with that?" " Oh, this?" "[chuckles nervously]" "Just, uh, getting it dry-cleaned." "You keep healing, sunshine." " What is this weird sparkly towel?" " It's called a dress, Lana." "Now, hold still while I work my magic." " Agh!" "It smells like princess farts!" " [sniffing] [growls]" " Oh, hey, Lola!" "Your hair spray makes a great deodorant." "It really covers up that musky man smell." " Hmm..." " [sighs]" "Help me get my arms unstuck?" " You're gonna feel some slight discomfort and..." " [screaming]" "Time to work on what Gil DeLily calls the three Ws:" "walk, wave, and work it." "Okay, we're walking, we're waving, but we're just not working it." "Tools in your dress?" "Seriously?" " Handyman's code, Lincoln." "Always be prepared." " You are not a handyman!" "You are a pageant queen!" "What?" "It's supposed to snow tonight." " Lola, what can a six-year-old do to make the world a better place?" " Um..." " Lana!" "You can't scratch your butt!" " What?" "It helps me think." " Well, knock it off!" ""Those who scratch lose the match."" "Okay, talent portion." "What ya got?" "[armpit farts]" " Impressive, but I'm gonna pass." "How about a ribbon dance?" "It shows elegance and poise." " Excuse me while I go barf." " Lana, I'm busting my hump trying to turn you into a pageant queen, and all I'm getting is lip." "Do you want those Dairyland tickets or not?" " Okay, okay." "You're right." " As Gil says, "She who gives 'tude"" " I already agreed!" "[pageant music]" "♪♪" " Whoo-hoo!" "Lana, look at you!" "You've done it!" "You're prim and perfect!" " I never thought I'd say it, but this feels pretty good." "I don't even mind the sparkly towel." "both:" "Dairyland, here we come!" " Whoa, look at those girls!" "They're all so clean and sparkly." " Well, so are you." "You're as good as any of them!" "I didn't know this was going to be on TV." "Good thing we don't get the Princess Channel." " Thanks for getting me the Princess Channel, daddy." " No problem, sweetie." "It was either that or the sports channel." "And who needs that, huh?" "[crying]" " Welcome to the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant." "I'm your host, Donnie Dufresne." "Let's meet America's junior sweethearts." "Hailing from Royals Woods, Miss Lola Loud!" " [gasps] What is going on?" " I'd like to thank my coach and brother, Lincoln." " Lincoln!" "I should have known!" " And I just want to say it is great to be here." "[burps] [all exclaiming]" "Sorry you were downwind of that, Donnie." " They're ruining me!" "And they will pay!" "[growls]" " Woot!" "Sports channel, here I come!" "[cheers and applause]" " Lana, what were you thinking?" "Remember what Gil says" ""If you belch onstage, the judges will rage."" " Gil actually has a rhyme for that?" " That's why he's a pageant powerhouse." "Now, the evening gown competition is next." "If we want to win those tickets, we cannot afford any more slip-ups." "[applause]" " Oh!" "Hang on, everybody!" "Loose floorboard!" "That'll hold." "Carry on!" "[girls laughing]" " Lana!" "What was that?" "We talked about the tools!" " I couldn't help it!" "Fixing stuff is what I do!" " You're supposed to be prim and perfect!" "Now, do you want to go to Dairyland and get hit in the face with your own barf or not?" "I know you can do this." "The interview is next." "Go out there and nail it!" "Not with that." " Lola, what can six-year-olds do to eliminate the national debt?" " Um..." " No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." " Plenty, Donnie." "Just because we're six doesn't mean we can't make a difference." "[applauding] [frog croaks] Oh!" "Hops!" "[all screaming]" " [grunting]" " Lana, what is the problem?" "We went over everything in Gil's book and the companion DVD and the podcast!" "How are you still not getting it?" " I'm sorry, Lincoln." "No matter what I do," "I can't be prim and perfect like these girls." "Maybe there's something wrong with me." "[frog croaks]" " Lana!" "Wait!" "There's nothing wrong with you!" "I'm the one who messed up." "I got so caught up in winning those tickets," "I turned into Gil DeLily... who, when you stop to think about it, probably needs to get a life." " Yeah, but still, why can't I be like them?" " Because you're you." "You're messy and muddy and keep a lot of reptiles in your pants." "But that's what makes you awesome." "And I was crazy to try and change you." " Aw, thanks, Lincoln." " Ladies and gentlemen," "Miss Lola Loud and her fabulous ribbon dance!" " Well, that's me." "I'll do my best." " Forget the ribbon dance." "Why don't you go do your own talent?" " Really?" "Okay, but you can kiss those Dairyland tickets good-bye." " I don't care about them anymore." "Go be yourself." " [growls]" " Yo, Hops!" "Give me a bassline." " [croaking]" " [snapping fingers] [armpit farts] [scratching]" " [blows raspberry] - [croaking]" "♪" " Whoo-hoo!" "That's my sister!" " And this is your other sister!" " Wait!" "It's my fault, not Lana's." "It was all my idea." "♪ [cheers and applause]" " I have worked for years to build my pageant reputation, and you just ruined it!" " Lola!" "Listen!" " And the winner is..." "Lola Loud!" "[cheers and applause]" " Whoo-hoo!" " [gasps] Lola!" "I'm so sorry I pretended to be you." "Please don't be mad at me." " I don't like what you did, but you did win." "And I respect a winner." " I think this belongs to you." " No, you earned it... you both did and the Dairyland tickets." " ♪ Hallelujah" "♪Hallelujah ♪ both:" "We're going to Dairyland!" " Welp, I've learned two very valuable lessons-- one, you should never try to turn someone into something they're not." "And, two, If you ever ride the Milk Shaker, keep your mouth closed." "[vomits]" " Awesome!" " My mouth was open!"