"~ Workin' up a fever in a one-horse town ~" "~ Was a jockey by the name of Joe ~" "~ He didn't have a lot of what you might call luck ~" "~ But he had a lot of get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "The Rutles story is a legend." "A living legend a legend that will live long after lots of other living legends have died." "Tonight we are extremely proud to present the semi-legendary life story of the prefab four:" "Dirk, Nasty, Stig and Barry who made the sixties what they are today." "The fabulous Rutles." "~ Tall in the saddle in a one-horse town ~" "~ Joey knew someday he'd hit the road ~" "~ He traded with a dealer for a pick-up truck ~" "~ And he went looking for a medium load ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "From these streets, very close to the Cavern Rutland came the fabulous "Rutland sound", created by the prefab four:" "Dirk, Nasty, Stig and Barry who created a musical legend, that will last a lunchtime." "They were discovered by their manager, 'Leggy Mountbatten' in a lunchtime disco very close to these streets." "Their first album was made in 20 minutes, the second took even longer." "Tonight we examine the legend of The Rutles." "We look at their lives, their loves, their music." "We examine some of the problems that made them what they are today." "And we shall also be asking some of the people who worked with them if they were really the sort of lovable people they were made out to be." "We shall be asking many people who knew them what they were really like." "Yes, tonight we examine the entire legend of The Rutles." "But where did the story start?" "The answer is:" "Right here!" "For on this very spot Ron Nasty and Dirk McQuickly first bumped into each other." "At this precise point..." "...just a few feet back here Ron Nasty invited Dirk to help him stand up." "Dirk, merely an amateur drinker, agreed." "And here...well, a few feet back there a musical legend was created." "They were soon joined by their guitarist, Stig O'Hara, a school-leaver of no fixed hairstyle." "But it would not be for another two years before they found their drummer, Barrington Womble, hiding in the van." "When they did, they persuaded him to change his name, to save time and his haircut, to save Brylcreem." "He became simply Barry Wom." "~ Goose-steppin' Mama ~" "~ Undercover charge ~" "~ Goose-step Mama ~" "~ Taken by an' large ~" "~ While you tinker with some tailor ~" "~ Someone sold yer to a sailor ~" "~ Goose-step Mama, oh yeah!" "~" "~ Goose-step Mama ~" "~ Goose-step Mama ~" "~ Boogie all night long ~" "~ Goose-step Mama ~" "~ You can do no wrong ~" "~ You know how to reassemble ~" "~ Clumsy hands and knees that tremble ~" "~ Goose-step Mama, oh yeah!" "~" "~ Goose-step Mama ~" "In October 1961 Leggy Mountbatten, a retail chemist from Bolton, entered their lives." "Leggy had lost a leg in the RAF in the closing over's of WW2 and had been hopping around Liverpool ever since." "As a child, Leggy's mother never allowed him to play with the other little boys." "His father was so snobby, he wore swimming trunks in the bath to stop him looking down on the unemployed." "But it was here, in Liverpool th..." "But it was in Liverpool, that we spoke with Leggy's mother, Mrs. Iris Mountbatten." "Well, he told me that he'd been to see these young men in a dark cellar." "Yes?" "!" "He was always very interested in young men..." "Oh, yes." "Youth clubs, Boy Scouts, that sort of things..." "Yes..." "But... these, he said, were different..." "In what way?" "Well... their hair and..." "...their presence and their music..." "He liked it?" "No, he hated it." "Well, what did he like?" "Well the trousers..." "What about their trousers?" "Well... they were they were very... tight." "Tight?" " Yes, you could see quite clearly..." " Oh, I see!" "...everything outlines... clear as day..." "Yes, yes, thank you, yes." "So... tight trousers and..." " Nothing left to the imagination." " Yes, thank you..." "I am standing in the world's naughtiest street, the notorious Reeperbahn, Hamburg." "For four hungry working class lads there are worse places than prison and the Rat Keller, Hamburg is one of these." "This is where they found themselves far from home and far from talented." "Inside here is where they actually played." "Come with me now inside, or as the Germans say, "mit mir gekommen inside"." "In those early days, there was a fifth Rutle, Leppo a friend of Nasty's from art college who mainly used to stand at the back." "He couldn't play the guitar but he knew how to have a good time, and in Hamburg that was more important." "I am standing in the original Rat Keller, and indeed these are some of the original rats." "It was to this small back room that Dirk, Stig, Nasty, Barry, and Leppo came to relax when they weren't upstairs entertaining the other rats dining in the other Rat Keller." "Here they had bed  breakfast." "There's the bed, the breakfast, of course, long since gone rodently chewed, mouse-masticated, in a word:" "Eaten by rats." "Here, one weekend, Leppo crawled into a small trunk with a small German Fraulein and was never seen again." "Incidentally, Rat Keller means literally, in German, cellar of rats." "That's not seller of rats, a seller of rats, a person who sells rats for a living to another man as it were, of course not." "That means a cellar full of rats." "Indeed, one might say that this was a cellar full of Rattles." "In October 19... ah... err... hello?" "Oh dear, there's a rat up my leg." "In October 1961 Leggy was busy hopping round London, trying to sell their tapes." "Well, one day, this rather odd chap hopped into the office... he'd he'd been to see virtually everyone in the business and been shown the door." "He asked to see my door, but I..." "I wouldn't show it to him." "Instead, he showed me the photographs, and the tapes of The Rutles." "They were pretty rough, but..." "...they had something." "What was it?" "I think it was the trousers..." "Well, I liked the trousers right away well, I mean, I've been in the garment trade and I knew a thing or two about in-things and these were winners." "Dick Jaws, an unemployed music publisher of no fixed ability signed them up for the rest of their lives." "Lucky, really... ~ Number One, Number One ~" "~ You're my Number One ~" "~ You're my second-to-none ~" "~ Number One, Number One ~" "Leggy Mountbatten in his autobiography, "A Cellar Full Of Goys" wrote of the excitement of those early days when they rode the go-kart to fame and took the ferry across the Mersey to a land of riches, wealth, and heartache." "Leggy put them into suits he put them into the recording studio, and he put them into the newspapers." "For The Rutles, success was only a drumbeat away." "~ I'm looking at you ~" "~ You're looking at me ~" "~ Between us, it's oh, so easy to see ~" "~ We were made for each other, girl ~" "~ We were made for each other ~" "~ Between us ~" "~ Love has begun ~" "~ Between us ~" "~ Two hearts are one ~" "~ Between us ~" "~ Nothing can come between us ~" "~ Whatever we do ~" "~ Whenever we kiss ~" "~ Between you and me, it's not hit n' miss ~" "~ We were made for each other, girl ~" "~ We were made for each other ~" "~ Between us ~" "~ Love has begun ~" "~ Between us ~" "They chased me... and they caught me..." "...and they beat me up." "Who did?" "Those little girls..." "One of them screamed in me ear." "~ Between us ~" "~ Nothing can come ~" "~ Nothing can come between us ~" "I asked Mick Jagger, when he first became aware of The Rutles." "We were living in, you know, squalor and we didn't have any money and there were the Rutles on the TV, with girls chasing them, we thought..." ""This can't be that difficult", so we thought we'd have a go ourselves." "What's your ambition?" "I'd like to be a hairdresser or two..." "I'd like to be two hairdressers." "The first time I met The Rutles, they came down to see us at Richmond and they and we were just completing a number and all of a sudden they were standing there in their black suits, they had just come off a TV show." "And they were just standing there..." "sort of... checking us out, the opposition..." "And then they introduced themselves Dirk, Stig, Nasty, Barry." "I'd like to own a squadron of tanks..." "They were very nice, you know because they'd heard about us because we were the south's answer to The Rutles, you know, at that time." "What Ron and I will do is probably to write some songs, you know, and sell them to people." "We tried to write some for the Rolling Stones and they're probably going to buy them." "The one for that was Dirk, really." "He was a real hustler for the songs, I think, ...always wanting to sell a song, you know for anyone and anything and any old slag he'd sell a song to, right once and they came down, they came down and we were trying to rehearse and they said: "Do you want a song?"" "And we said: "Yeah we're always really open for songs" because we didn't write our own." "And of course The Rutles were always well known for their hit-making potential... ability." "And so, they ran around the corner to the pub, to write this song, and came back with it... and played it to us, and it was horrible and so we never bothered to record it." "It was a busy week for the prefab four, as the fever of Rutlemania rolls over England." "Monday saw them arriving for a civic reception given by the mayor incorporation of Liverpool, to say "Thank You" to it's famous four sons." "On Tuesday, Rutlemania comes to London as Rutles fans jammed Piccadilly Circus and bring London's traffic to a standstill." "Nobody's seen anything quite like this since the war." "Look out girls, here come The Rutles!" "...and for some, the event is clearly too much!" "...Oh well, she's safe in the arms of the law." "First to arrive is Rutles' fan Princess Margaret escorted by her husband, Lord Snowdon, Tony Armstrong Jones." "Her Majesty herself is there to greet The Rutles on this royal glittering occasion the Annual Royal Command Performance." "Thank you very much, thank you!" "And now we'd like to do a number dedicated to a very special lady in the audience tonight Barry's mum!" "And now, without anymore ado, here's your own, your very own Dirk McQuickly!" "~ Shoot me down in flames if I should tell a lie ~" "~ Cross my heart I promise that it's true ~" "~ I've been in love so many times before ~" "~ but never with a girl like you ~" "~ With a girl like you ~" "~ to hold and be beside ~" "~ With a girl like you ~" "~ to fill my heart with pride and joy ~" "~ With a girl like you ~" "~ I know where I belong ~" "~ With a girl like you ~" "~ I know I can be strong, you know ~" "~ I won't bring you any pain ~" "~ I won't run around again ~" "~ There'll be nothing to explain ~" "~ with a girl like you ~" "The Queen too is a Rutles' fan." "And she enjoyed the performance so much that on Wednesday they went back to her place to receive MBE's." "Well done lads!" "England's proud of you!" " It must have been a great honour meeting the Queen?" " Yeah, it must have been..." " What did she ask you?" " She asked us who we were." "What did you say?" "I said I was him." "I felt more like him than me..." " Do you feel better after seeing the Queen?" " No, you feel better after seeing the doctor..." " Not my doctor, you don't." " Not your doctor, no." " What are you going to do now?" " Back to your place!" "But all rest and no play makes Rutles dull boys and on Thursday they fly to America, to see if they were more than nine day wonders." "They needn't have worried:" "America loves Rutles, too!" "In many cases even more..." "Ten thousand girls are here to say hello to these four guys from Liverpool." "It was the most famous arrival on these shores since Christopher Columbus." "After briefly greeting the press, they drive into the heart of Manhattan to get their first glimpse of New York." ""It's Rutles day in Flushing, Ladies and Gentlemen..."" "Yeah, he's good this guy, he is, he's called Murray "The K"." "Bit soft in the head, it sounds like..." "Come on!" "Flushing Animals!" "What do you want to know?" "What do you want to hear?" "If you call me up at 555-21-60 and say you wanna hear anything but the Rutles I'm gonna come lookin' for ya!" "I mean it!" "Because it's Rutles day they're going to be here tomorrow, talking about their trousers it's a big, big day here in Flushing!" "Let's give 'em a big round of applause!" "I know I can't hear you but I know I can pick up what you're saying, bay-bee!" "The scene is here in Flushing!" "The whole world's eyes are on Flushing!" "Because the prefab four are coming to town tomorrow to talk about their trousers..." " I don't know about this, do you?" " No." "And then it's back to the hotel for a bit of fun and games!" "This is tea, you know we drink it." "We put the water in the tea, there's the tea, there." " And we pour it into the pot." " One for Uncle Mamy and one for Auntie Betty." "But it's all in a day's work for England's ambassadors of musical fun, The Rutles." "That's show business..." "I'm actually standing outside the actual hotel, in which The Rutles actually stayed in 1964 actually in this room, here." "And it was actually inside this actual room that I actually spoke with the actual Paul Simon:" "Well, we saw the show and I remember I saw Ed Sullivan was saying that..." ""People, calm down now, everyone calm down", you know or "We can't hear" or some..." "...some kind of silly warning you know and they, they opened the show, I think, and they also closed the show which I thought was like a... an astute planning on Sullivan's part, because it would made you very angry if you had to sit through the whole show to wait to see The Rutles, you know, so they clearly, every-one had tuned in to that week's show, just to see The Rutles." "Now, yesterday and today our theatre has been jammed with newspapermen and hundreds of photographers from all over the nation and these veterans agreed with me that the city never has witnessed the excitement stirred by these youngsters from Liverpool, who call themselves The Rutles." "Now tonight you're gonna twice be entertained by them right now and again in the second half of our show." "Ladies and gentlemen:" "The Rutles!" "Let's hear it, folks..." "~ I'm not the kind of guy who likes to play ~" "~ Big Brother ~" "~ But I've just seen your date outside, he's with ~" "~ Another ~" "~ I saw you both come in ~" "~ And clearly, you're not meant for him, so ~" "~ Please, please, hold my hand ~" "~ Hold my hand, yeah, yeah ~" "~ Hold my hand, yeah, yeah ~" "~ Hold my hand and I'll see you home ~" "~ I want to tell you I'm in love with you ~" "~ Completely ~" "~ I'd like to take you far away from here ~" "~ Discreetly ~" "~ Our love was meant to be ~" "~ And darling, it's a certainty, oh ~" "~ Please, please, hold my hand ~" "~ Hold my hand, yeah, yeah ~" "~ Hold my hand, yeah, yeah ~" "~ Hold my hand and I'll see you home ~" "~ Hold my hand, yeah, yeah ~" "~ Hold my hand, yeah, yeah ~" "~ Hold my hand and I'll see you home ~" "The Rutles music meanwhile had been attracting respectable critical attention:" "'The London Times' called it "The best since Schubert"." "Sir Brian Morrison has been Regis professor of music at the University of Oxford for the past thirty years." "We asked him: "Just how good, musically, were The Rutles?"" "Stanley J. Krammerhead III, Jr is an occasional visiting professor of Applied Narcotics at the University of Please-Yourself, California." "He is also a keen historian of pop music." "We asked him: "Just how good, musically, were The Rutles?"" "Listen, look, very simply, musicologically and ethnically these Rutles were essentially empirical main-longuees, so they rhythmically radical yet verbally passé and temporarily transcended lyrical content welded with historically innovative melodical material, transposed and transmogrified by the angst of the Rutland ethic experience, which elevated them from essentially alpha exponents of, in essence merely beta potential harmonic material into the prime cultural exponents of Aeolian codensic cosmic stanza form." "But he didn't really tell us, either." "So we went to New Orleans, to find out just how expensive it is to make these documentaries." "I'm standing by the banks of the Mississippi." "The First Na..." "I'm standing by the banks of the Mississippi, in Louisiana, the cradle of the blues..." "That's black music sung mainly by whites." "And we're here to find out the black origins of Rutle music." "I spoke with Blind Lemon Pie." "Well, everything I learned, I learned from The Rutles." "From The Rutles, really?" "Yes, everything!" "But surely you were singing the blues back in the early thirties?" "No, I was working on the railroad..." "I worked on the railroad for thirty years or more until I heard The Rutles." "And I decided, that that's my type of music!" "I'm gonna leave the railroad, and I became a musician and I've been starving ever since..." " So where did Rutle music originate?" " Next door...!" " Next door?" " Next door, to Ruttling Orange Peel..." "Yes sir, I originated The Rutles." "They got it all from me." "Every single bit of it..." " Well how do you mean?" " Well sir, they come here and they took everything I ever written." "Those four guys from Liverpool came here..." " He's lyin'!" " I ain't lying'!" " He's always lyin'!" " I ain't lying'!" "I ain't lying'!" "Every time there's a documentary on white music around here, he claims he started it all..." "I did, I did, I did!" "Last week, he claimed he started The Everly Brothers..." " ..." "Frank Sinatra and Laurence Wells!" " I did, I did!" " He's always lyin'!" "Well, we seem to be rather wasting our time here in New Orleans, ...despite the expense!" "Still... pretty, isn't it?" "Nasty had written and published a bestselling book..." "Only one media remained unconquered: The cinema!" "In 1965, "A Hard Day's Rut" changed all that... ~ I feel good ~" "~ I feel bad ~" "~ I feel happy ~" "~ I feel sad ~" "~ Am I in love?" "~" "~ I must be in love ~" "~ I feel rich ~" "~ I feel poor ~" "~ I'm in doubt ~" "~ I feel sure ~" "~ Am I in love?" "~" "~ I must be in love ~" "~ Any time of the day I can see ~" "~ Her face, when I close my eyes ~" "~ She's a dream ~" "~ She is real ~" "~ Can't explain ~" "~ How I feel ~" "~ Am I in love?" "~" "~ I must be in love ~" "~ Any time of the day I can see ~" "~ Her face, when I close my eyes ~" "~ Am I dead ~" "~ Or alive?" "~" "~ Can my poor heart ~" "~ Survive?" "~" "~ Am I in love?" "~" "~ I must be in love ~" "~ I feel good ~" "~ I feel bad ~" "~ I feel happy ~" "~ I feel sad ~" "~ Am I in love?" "~" "~ I must be in love ~" "~ I must be in love ~" "~ I must be in love ~" "~ I must be in love ~" "Roger McGough is a Liverpool poet." "He's the author of many books set in and around Liverpool including "Mersey Sound", "Gig", "The Liverpool Scene" and two of his Liverpool poems are in the "The Oxford Book of Twentieth Century's English Verse"." "He was born in Liverpool, attended school in Liverpool, was even married in Liverpool and his football team is, of course, Everton." "He's a member of the "The Scaffold", a light comedy group who played The Cavern during the early sixties." "And during those incredible years he lived, wrote, loved, watched football and drank in Liverpool." " Roger, did you know The Rutles?" " Oh yes yes." "Roger McGough, Liverpool poet, writer, author, humorist, bon-vivre and a man who knew The Rutles!" "Australia..." "Canada Schiffelbach... äh, Cleveland:" "The Rutles were now world-wide successes." "They'd rubbed shoulders with the great their pictures were everywhere." "Their names endorsed a thousand products:..." "From tee-shirts to garter belts to pillowcases..." "Leggy was besieged by merchandisers." "We felt every girl in America is gonna to want to sleep with a Rutle." "Yes, we have a complete line of Rutles products all ready to go." "The Rutle tee-shirt, the Rutle plate, the Rutle cup, the Rutle acne cream, the Rutle hairclips all a complete line of Rutles products, and all I need from you is just your word and..." " ...we're in business." " We're in business?" "I like the way you work." "Brian Thigh was a top record executive in London in 1962." "Mr. Thigh, you've been known for many, many years as the man who turned down The Rutles." "Yeah, that's right." "You said, guitar groups were on the way out and would never make any money at all in the sixties." "Yes, I did." "You turned your back on all those millions of sales, all those hundreds of gold records..." "Yeah, yeah, that's right." " What's it like to be such an asshole?" " What?" "!" "Some people say you've been staying away from Liverpool, now you're famous?" "No, we haven't been staying away so much as not coming here." "Some people say it's six months since you came back here?" " Well, that's the sort of thing some people would say." " Nevertheless, it has been six months." "Now you're saying it... why don't you ask me where I've been?" " Where have you been?" " I'm not telling you." "~ I grew up in the country ~" "~ Beside a chicken shack ~" "~ So I left for the city ~" "~ And I didn't look back ~" "~ Now, I'm livin' in hope ~" "~ Livin' in hope ~" "~ I'm livin' in hope ~" "~ Livin' in hope ~" "~ Yes, I'm livin' in hope ~" "~ Livin' in hope ~" "At the height of Rutlemania in 1965, their drummer Barry Wom, the noisy one returned home to Liverpool, to marry his childhood sweet-heart." "The church was packed with Rutle fans all of whom wanted to get a close look at The Rutles." "Inside the dimly lit, crowded church Barry got separated from his fiancé and ended up with a different bride." "In the confusion, Barry's bride-to-be, twenty- three year old butchers apprentice Brenda Liola was accidentally married to a party of Scotsmen from Hull inspiring Barry's haunting ballad:" ""When you find the girl of your dreams in the arms of some Scotsmen from Hull"." "Barry was heart-broken but when he looked up and saw who he'd married, he soon cheered up." "Welcome back!" "And it's from Liverpool that we go immediately to London..." "Hello, London here and it's from London that we go to Switzerland, to The Rutles second movie "Ouch!"" "Filmed in colour, on location, very expensively NOT in London... ~ Ouch!" "~" "~ You're breakin' my heart ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ I'm fallin' apart ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Ow, ow, Ouch!" "~" "~ When we first met ~" "~ I must admit I fell for you right from the start ~" "~ I must admit I fell for you right from the start ~" "~ Now when we meet ~" "~ All kinds of things it seems upset the apple cart ~" "~ All kinds of things it seems upset the apple cart ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Don't desert me ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Please don't hurt me ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Ow, ow, Ouch!" "~" "~ What is this thing ~" "~ Called love why do they say it makes the world go 'round?" "~" "~ Called love why do they say it makes the world go 'round?" "~" "~ I can't explain ~" "~ The way I feel for you, my feet don't touch the ground ~" "~ The way I feel for you, my feet don't touch the ground ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Don't desert me ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Please don't hurt me ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Ow, ow, Ouch!" "~" "~ When we first met ~" "~ I must admit I fell for you right from the start ~" "~ I must admit I fell for you right from the start ~" "~ Now when we meet ~" "~ All kinds of things it seems upset the apple cart ~" "~ All kinds of things it seems upset the apple cart ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Don't desert me ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Please don't hurt me ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Ow, ow, Ouch!" "~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Don't desert me ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Please don't hurt me ~" "~ Ouch!" "~" "~ Ow, ow, Ouch!" "~" "Ché Stadium!" "Named after the Cuban guerilla leader, Ché Stadium and it was here, in 1965, that The Rutles came, well, not here in the car park, obviously but back there, in the stadium, that The Rutles came in 1965 to a capacity house, a sell-out." "The thing I remember about it is them running out into the middle of this field and you couldn't see them, there they were, like, you know, just miles away..." "There... is it really The Rutles?" "It might be somebody else..." "~ There was no one in my life till I met you ~" "~ You brought me love and taught me how to smile ~" "~ You picked me up when I was feeling blue ~" "~ From now on my future is worthwhile ~" "~ It's lookin' good, it's lookin' good ~" "~ It's lookin' good, it's lookin' good ~" "~ It's lookin' good!" "~" "~ Now that you have given me reason to live ~" "~ I will stay forever by your side ~" "~ And give you all the lovin' I can give ~" "~ Just say the word and be my bride ~" "~ It's lookin' good, it's lookin' good ~" "~ It's lookin' good, it's lookin' good ~" "~ It's lookin' good!" "~" "~ I'm not throwing caution to the winds, oh no ~" "~ Love is not an easy game to play ~" "~ Though I may not be a man of words, yeah, yeah ~" "~ There is one thing I feel obliged to say ~" "~ It's lookin' good, it's lookin' good ~" "~ It's lookin' good, it's lookin' good ~" "~ It's lookin' good ~" "You couldn't hear anything..." "How long did they play?" "About twenty minutes... and that was it..." "...off...helicopter back to the Warwick Hotel..." "...two birds each..." "In 1966 The Rutles faced the biggest threat to their careers:" "Nasty, in a widely quoted interview apparently had claimed that The Rutles were bigger than God and had gone on to say that God had never had a hit record." "The story spread like wildfire in America." "Many fans burnt their albums many more burnt their fingers, attempting to burn their albums." "Album sales sky-rocketed, people were buying them, just to burn them..." "But in fact, it was all a ghastly mistake." "Nasty, talking to a slightly deaf journalist had claimed only that The Rutles were bigger than Rod." "Rod Steward would not be big for another eight years." "That's all I said, you know, now all this has to happen..." " What do you think it proves?" " I think, it proves you're all daft!" "I suppose I'll get into trouble for saying that now?" "!" "Nasty apologised to God, Rod and the press and the tour went ahead as planned but it would be The Rutles last." "We will be playing all the places where we're supposed to play and we hope we can, you know, bring ah a bit of, you know, je ne sais quoi to America, again." "At the end of it they met Bob Dylan in the idyllic San Francisco of the mid-sixties." "And he introduced them to a strange substance, which was to have an enormous affect on them:" "TEA!" "Despite warnings that it would lead to stronger things The Rutles enjoyed the pleasant effects of TEA and it influenced enormously their greatest work:" "Sgt. Rutters." "Of course, the main thing that comes to my mind with the Sgt. Rutter album is getting stoned and listening to it with the earphones, you know." "Particularly the, you know, the chord that lasted forever, you know..." "The release of this album, a millstone in pop music history contributed greatly to an idyllic summer of bells, flowers, and tea drinking." "It's music led thousands to experiment with TEA." "Eventually, even the press found out and offered Dirk the chance to deny it:" "It's not up to me, if you come and ask me, I'm going to tell you the truth!" "Because it is the truth, I have had tea..." "Lots of tea..." "Indian tea..." "...and biscuits..." "Dirk's admission created a scandal, the press grabbed hold of the wrong end of the stick and started to beat about the bush with it." "Many pop-stars were arrested for using and possessing TEA." "Nasty himself was busted by Detective Inspector Brian Plant who brought his own, to be on the safe side." "There was an immediate outcry against this police-persecution and the London TIMES carried a full page petition, calling for the legalization of TEA." "The Rutles, meanwhile, appeared live on TV before a worldwide audience of 200 million with a song that expressed the feeling of the age." "Tea was on every-one's lips... ~ ..." "In your own time Love Life ~" "~ To live is to live... ~" "~ Where there's a will, there's a way ~" "~ Love is the meaning of life ~" "~ Life is the meaning of love ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Where there's a will, there's a way ~" "~ Love is the meaning of life ~" "~ Life is the meaning of love ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Everybody!" "~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Altogether now!" "~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Love Life ~" "~ Love is the meaning of life ~" "~ Life is the meaning of love ~" "~ Love is the meaning of life ~" "~ Life is the meaning of love ~" "~ Love is the meaning of life ~" "~ Life is the meaning of love ~" "~ Love is the meaning of life ~" "~ Life is the meaning of love ~" "~ Love is the meaning of life ~" "~ Hold my hand, yeah, yeah!" "~" "A new form there, a slightly different form there of choral music, with a slight difference." "We'll be back with Prince Charles in just a moment..." ""Love Life" is in many ways, the high watermark of their careers." "From here, the sands of time ebbed, leaving them high'n dry on the beach of time as the tide of history rolled relentlessly over them..." "For a start, Leggy Mountbatten was rapidly becoming a worry:" "Always emotionally involved with them he had far less to do once they ceased touring." "Of course he had other 'artistes'..." "The McKismo Brothers..." "Arthur Hodson and the Kneecaps as well as the French Beach Boys:" "Les Garçons de la Plage." "But his decision to put money into bull-fighters, as a tax dodge plus his unusual personal life in California he'd been arrested for giving the kiss of life to a rubber raft gave increasing grounds for concern." "I asked Mick Jagger if he was aware of these tendencies of Leggy's:" "Oh yeah..." "Leggy, yeah, you're kidding, hehe..." "...Leggy got around a bit, you know...?" "And that was alright, you know, until he started going off with the bull-fighters." "I think, that that era, ...and then, I think, they got a bit disenchanted with him..." "And he didn't know where to go, you know..." "...you know, in his life, I think and they wanted to control more of themselves, you know..." "Stig meanwhile had fallen under the influence of Arthur Sultan, the 'Surrey Mystic' and Sultan had introduced Stig to his Ouija board work." "Arthur Sultan now invited The Rutles on a getaway from it all:" "Table-tapping weekend near Bognor." "As usual, the press followed..." "The Bognor thing was really funny, the "Bognor Express" they called it in the newspapers." "Someone was very late..." "...one of the girls, they were always late..." "One of them, I can't remember who it was, maybe it was Nasty thought, we were trying to get on the Rutles bandwagon, you know..." ""The Rutles mystical bandwagon", which wasn't true at all..." "We were just as eager to find out what was going on in this board-tapping thing at Bognor as anybody." "~ In this day and age ~" "~ Love is all the rage ~" "~ Life goes on, it only goes to show ~" "~ It's not my cup of tea ~" "~ It's all the same to me ~" "~ For we are here today and gone tomorrow... ~" "But while The Rutles sat at the foot of the Surrey mystic fate dealt them an appalling blow." "It was here that they learnt the shocking news of their manager:" "Leggy Mountbatten, tired and despondent over the weekend and unable to raise any friends, went home and tragically accepted a teaching post in Australia." "It was a kind of funny weekend that, and then of course at the end of it we found out that Leggy had gone off to Australia which kind of put the mockers on the whole thing, really." "It was a bombshell for The Rutles." "They were shocked and stunned..." " Well, we're shocked..." " Yes, shocked..." "Shocked...!" "...and stunned yes, stunned..." "Very stunned..." "Did Arthur Sultan have any words of encouragement for you?" " No..." " Well, yes!" "Well, yes and no..." "He said that it took all sorts to make a world and that we shouldn't worry unduly about were he'd gone You know... we shouldn't become covered with grief at thoughts of Australia because..." "He did say that we could still keep in touch with him, you know, by tapping the table." " And postcards..." " Yes very stunned very stunned!" "It's significant that their first major flop, the 'Tragical History Tour' immediately followed the loss of Leggy." "It was not the strongest idea for a Rutles film four Oxford history professors on a hitch-hiking tour of TEA-shops in the Rutland area and it was slammed mercilously by the press." "~ ..." "Talk about a month of Sundays ~" "~ Toffee-nosed wet weekend as far as I can see ~" "~ Hey, diddle diddle ~" "~ The cat and the fiddle ~" "~ Piggy in the middle ~" "~ Do a poo-poo ~" "~ Bible punching heavyweight ~" "~ Evangelistic boxing kangaroo ~" "~ Orang-utan and anaconda ~" "~ Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, even Pluto, too ~" "~ Hey, diddle diddle ~" "~ The cat and the fiddle ~" "~ Piggy in the middle ~" "~ Do a poo-poo ~" "~ tekraaam ot tnew eiggip elttil siht ~" "~ One man's civilization is another man's jungle, yeah ~" "~ They say revolution's in the air ~" "~ I'm dancing in my underwear ~" "~ 'Cause I don't care ~" "~ Hey diddle diddle ~" "~ The cat and the fiddle ~" "~ Piggy in the middle ~" "~ Do a poo-poo Do a poo-poo ~" "~ This little piggy went to market ~" "~ And this little piggy stayed home ~" "~ This little piggy had roast beef ~" "~ and this little piggy had none ~" "~ This little piggy went Wooo...oooo!" "~" "~ All the way home ~" "~ This little piggy went to market... ~" "I'm sitting in a rented limousine in New York." "And it was here well, not in the limousine, obviously, but in New York... that The Rutles came in 1968, to announce the formation of Rutle Corp..." "We're here in New York to announce the formation of Rutle Corp... eh Nasty and I have come over..." "on behalf of the other Rutles..." " Yes, they couldn't come..." " Yes..." "We're setting up Rutle Corp. as a kind of enterprise that people can come to us and we'll help them..." "...we'll give them money..." "You know, if they want money, they just come to us..." "Yes, instead of going to a bank..." "...we want to help people to help themselves..." "Rutle Corp did just that - people helped themselves for years!" "At one stage, they were losing money faster than the British Government." "There are continued allegations that Rutle Corp is going bankrupt." "Eric Manchester, the Rutles press agent:" "Are these allegations true?" "No, no, ...they're conjecture, you know..." "...it's only a rumour..." "I think you'll find the way you get success, ...you always find this sort of rumour." "No..." "So, the stories of the thefts..." "they're not true, also?" "No... they're greatly exaggerated..." "...greatly exaggerated..." "It's bad, you know...things are going but nothing like the rate, that people indicate..." "The trouble is that people feel, because..." "...because these boys are The Rutles people can come in and just help themselves to whatever they want." "And this is just not on..." "And we're putting a stop to this and we're are doing, you know, it's almost dried up eh... things have gone..." "I wont deny it..." "...television sets the odd car, belonging to the company has...eh ...has disappeared..." "But it's not extreme, you know..." "I did come in once and found that my office had been nicked." "But it had been nicked by Ron Decline, who we'd called in to stop this sort of flow of goods from the building, so that was alright..." "So once you see this stop, do you feel that Rutle Corp will continue into the future?" "Absolutely." "I feel that once we've put a stop to this sort of bit of petty pilfering Rutle Corp will last for a very, very, very..." "For awhile, three chapters of the Redditch 'Hell's Angels' lived in the basement of Rutle Corp before Stig had the nerve to ask them to leave." " Who hurt Stig?" " One of the girls..." " Who?" " Big Valerie here..." "We're very upset, but..." "...there's not much we can do about it..." " Why not?" " Well... she'll thump me." "So..." "Stig injured by Big Valerie..." "The Rutles next opened a clothes boutique in London which lost nearly a million dollars in only three weeks before Nasty blew it up." "~ I have always thought ~" "~ in the back of my mind ~" "~ cheese and onions ~" "~ I have always thought ~" "~ that the world was unkind ~" "~ cheese and onions ~" "~ Do I have to spell it out?" "~" "~ C-H-E-E-S-E A-N-D O-N-I-O-N-S ~" "~ Oh, no. ~" "~ Man and machine ~" "~ Keep yourself clean ~" "~ Or be a has-been ~" "~ Like a dinosaur... ~" "~ Man or device ~" "~ For everything nice ~" "~ You'd better think twice ~" "~ At least once more... ~" "~ Man and machine ~" "~ Keep yourself clean ~" "~ Or be a has-been ~" "~ Like a dinosaur... ~" "~ Man or device ~" "~ For everything nice ~" "~ You'd better think twice ~" "~ At least once more!" "~" "~ Man and machine ~" "~ Keep yourself clean ~" "~ Or be a has-been ~" "~ Like a dinosaur!" "~" "~ Man or device ~" "~ For everything nice ~" "~ You'd better think twice... ~" "Hey there, who's your friend?" "Get his teeth cleaned." " Oh, hello Nasty!" " Hello Dirk!" " Oh, that's torn it..." " What are you doing, Stig?" " Just getting out of here." " Well, I'm gonna get out of here, too..." "Personal problems now began to split The Rutles into smithereens." "They would sing together, but they wouldn't talk." "Pretty soon they wouldn't even sing...!" "By March 1969 things had got so bad within the group that both, Dirk and Nasty got married." "...Not to each other, he... of course, eh to women..." "Dirk had become enamoured of Martini a French actress who spoke no English - and precious little French." "When they married in London the service was conducted in Spanish , Italian, and Chinese, to be on the safe side." "I love you..." "It's you I love..." "Today is our wedding day..." "For you always I will wai..." "G, B, B, E..." "F..." " D" " D..." "D..." "That's nice..." "~ Time goes by, as we all know ~" "~ Naturally ~" "~ People come and people go ~" "~ Naturally ~" "~ Let's be natural ~" "~ Ever since the world began ~" "~ Let's be natural ~" "~ Every woman, every man ~" "~ Let's be natural ~" "~ Has followed nature's plan ~" "~ Let's be natural ~" "~ Oh, yeah ~" "Nasty meanwhile visited an exhibition of broken art at the Pretentious Gallery, Soho." "The art exhibits had all been dropped out of tall buildings and then put on display." "Amongst the little piles of rubble, Nasty found the artist herself..." "Chastity, a simple German girl, whose father had invented World War II." "Chastity fascinated him with her destructo art." "They talked all through the night." "She outlined her plans to drop artists out of planes." "Nasty adored her." "They announced their engagement, next day at a press conference held in his shower:" "What are you doing this for?" "We're doing this for peace, and basically to show that the world is ,you know, going astray, and is sinking..." " What are you doing?" " We're getting wet in a shower because, basically, we talked it over, Chastity and myself and we came to the conclusion that, eh, civilisation is nothing more than an effective sewage system and so, by the use of plumbing, we hope to demonstrate this to the world." "Nasty and Chastity now plunged themselves into the art world." "Together, they made a film called "A thousand feet of film"." "~ You need feet ~" "~ to stand up straight with ~" "~ You need feet ~" "~ to kick your friends ~" "~ You need feet ~" "~ to keep your socks on ~" "~ and stop your legs from fraying at the end ~" "~ You need feet ~" "~ to walk to Scunthorpe ~" "~ or to dance the hoochy-koo ~" "~ Yes, the whole world needs feet ~" "~ for something ~" "~ and I need feet to run away from you ~" "Stig meanwhile, had hidden in the background so much that in 1969 a rumour went around that he was dead." "He was supposed to being killed in a flash-fire at a waterbed-shop and replaced by a plastic and wax replica from Madam Tusseau's." "Several so called 'facts' helped the emergence of this rumour..." "One:" "He... he never said anything publicly." "Even as the 'quiet one', he'd not said a word since 1966." "Two:" "On the cover of their latest album, 'Shabby Road', he's wearing no trousers an Italian way of indicating death." "Three:" "Nasty supposedly sings "I buried Stig" on "I Am The Waitress" in fact, he sings "E burres stigano" which is very bad Spanish for "Have you a water buffalo?"." "Four:" "On the cover of the Sgt. Rutter album Stig is leaning in the exact position of a dying Yeti from the 'Rutland Book of the Dead'." "Five:" "If you sing the title of "Sgt. Rutter's Only Darts Club Band" backwards it's supposed to sound very like "Stig has been dead for ages honestly"." "In fact, it sounds uncannily like "dnab bulc ylno srettur tnaegres" palatable nonsense!" "Stig was, of course, far from dead, although not, in fact, far from Esher:" "He'd fallen in bed with Gertrude Strange a large-breasted biologically accommodating American girl who's father had invented the limpet mine." "When they met, it was lust at first sight." "Barry meanwhile had also spent a year in bed...-as a tax dodge." "Eric Manchester thinks he'd either received appalling financial advice or that he was desperately trying to start a "Barry is also dead" rumour." "When he finally got up Rutle Corps was in a perilous financial plight." "Nasty had flown back in a hurry from his honeymoon-rally in Nuremburg to meet the most feared promoter in the world Ron Decline." "Decline had a reputation as a hard man." "His only weak spot was dishonesty:" "Anyone was free to inspect his books, but noone could find his accounts he struck terror into the hearts of his subordinates." "People would commit suicide rather than meet him in business his left hand never knew who his right hand was doing." "Nasty adored him, he was a man after his own wallet." "Decline promised The Rutles that if they let him take care of their royalties they would never have to worry about money again." "Stig, meanwhile, was accepting the financial advice of Billy Kodak whilst Dirk had invited Arnold Schwarzenweisengreenenbrownenbluenburger to handle his end of the name Barry was consulting the I Ching every three and a half minutes." "There was a plethora of lawyers." "Suddenly, every-one became amazingly litigious." "I remember, I'd get up in the morning, sue some-one... check in the papers I hadn't been fired go to the office, sue some-one, pick up the morning's writ, sue the bank - go out to lunch, sue the restaurant get back in, collect the writs that had been received that afternoon read the papers, phone the papers, sue the papers, and go home sue the wife." "They're asking me:" ""Where's the money, where's the money?"." "I mean, I don't know where the money is...?" "!" "I've never been good with figures, ...you know that..." "I don't know anything about math, it was never my good subject." "I don't know where the money is...but if you need money, I'll give you money..." "But this..." "...this, really, surprises me I'm really shocked because I thought we had something here a lot stronger than just... business." "I mean, you know, I love you more than I love my own family..." "I do..." "I wanna protect you, I wanna help you I wanna protect you from the outside world protect you... protect you from people like me... you know?" "And I think I'm doing a good job..." "At the final meeting, a hundred-and-thirty-four legal people and accountants filed into a small eight-by-ten room only eighty-seven came out alive:" "The black hole of Savile Row had taken toll of some of the finest merchant banking brains of a generation." "Luckily, that's not very serious but The Rutles were obviously self-destructing fast." "In the midst of all this public bickering..." "'Let It Rot' was released as a film, an album... and a lawsuit." "In 1970 Dirk sued Stig, Nasty, and Barry..." "Barry sued Dirk, Nasty, and Stig..." "Nasty sued Barry, Dirk, and Stig and Stig sued himself, accidentally." "It was the beginning of a golden era for lawyers but for The Rutles, live on a London rooftop it was the beginning of the end." "~ Workin' up a fever in a one-horse town ~" "~ Was a jockey by the name of Joe ~" "~ He didn't have a lot of what you might call luck ~" "~ But he had a lot of get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "~ Tall in the saddle in a one-horse town ~" "~ Joe, he knew someday he'd hit the road ~" "~ He traded with a dealer for a pick-up truck ~" "~ And went lookin' for a medium load ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "~ Get up n' go Get up n' go ~" "~ Get up n' go back home ~" "Like any of the other enormous music... popular music phenomenom's Sinatra, and Presley, and The Rutles, and then, you know, some people say well, you know, it's time every ten years:" ""Who will be the next Rutles?", you know..." "I don't think there will be a next Rutles..." "Sixteen years after the fresh-faced prefab four first burst into the public eye and eight years after they split up, just where are The Rutles today?" "Dirk has formed with his wife Martini a punk rock group called The Punk Floyd." "He sings... and she doesn't." "Nasty has turned his back on the world and sits with his thoughts and his memories." "Barry is a hairdresser in the Reading area, with two fully equipped salons of his own while Stig works for Air India as a air-hostess." "Fame is a fickle mistress." "Just how many people even remember The Rutles today?" "We asked the public just what is a Rutle?" "Excuse me madam, we're doing a documentary, and I wonder if you'd answer a few questions." "Sorry I don't answer questions." "It wont take a second of your time, really, we've just got the camera rolling right away here..." "We're from England, and we're making a documentary and we just want one question, please..." " Alright" " Thank you very much, just stand right here ok?" " Who were The Rutles?" " I don't know." " Come on, you must know" " No, I'm sorry, I don't know..." " Yes, you do know" " No, well, I don't know..." " Who were The Rutles?" " I don't know." " You do know!" " No I don't know!" " You do know!" "The Rutles!" " I don't know who they are!" " Who were The Rutles?" "Please tell us..." " I don't know who they are..." " Who were The Rutles?" " I don't know!" " You do know!" " I don't!" " You do know!" "Who were The Rutles?" "!" " I don't know!" "Who were The Rutles?" "!" "The Rutles were a mop-top English pop quartet of the sixties who set the foot of the world a-tapping with their catchy melodies their whacky Liverpool humour and their zany off-the-wall antics epitomised in such movies as "A Hard Days Rut" and "Ouch!"." "Dirk and Nasty, the acknowledged leaders of the group were perfectly complimented by Stig, the quiet one, and Barry, the noisy one to form a heart-warming, cheeky, lovable, talented Non-Jewish group who would gladden the hearts of the world." " Thank you very..." " In 1962 they played The Cavern." " After that they spent several months in Hamburg." " Yes, thank you very much indeed." "Then, in 1962, they released their first single "Twist and Rut"." "Yes, thank you very much, thank you..." "Will you shut up?" "!" "From New York back to London..." "I'm standing on the crossing, where the Rutles legend ended." "Here it was that the prefab four, Dirk, Nasty, Stig and Barry The Rutles, the singing phenomena, who made the sixties what they are today..." "Here it was that indeed......!" "Mick, why do you think The Rutles broke up?" "Why do I think they did?" "Why did The Rutles break up?" "Women... just women, ...getting in the way..." "Cherchez la femme, you know..." "Do you think they'll ever get back together again?" "I hope not...?" "!" "~ People were proud in Doubleback Alley ~" "~ Neighbours were loud, but ever so pally ~" "~ People would shout, joking about ~" "~ The smoke and the soot, Mother would put ~" "~ The milk bottles out ~" "~ We had a good time in Doubleback Alley ~" "~ With fences to climb, and Father O'Malley ~" "~ To clip your ear, and steer you clear ~" "~ Of the funny man in the ice cream van ~" "~ Who talked so queer ~" "~ Doubleback Alley takes me back and in my mind I see ~" "~ Happy, smiling faces if I flog my memory ~" "~ People were proud in Doubleback Alley ~" "~ Neighbours were loud, but ever so pally ~" "~ People would shout, joking about ~" "~ The smoke and the soot, Mother would put ~" "~ The milk bottles out ~" "~ We had a good time in Doubleback Alley ~" "~ With fences to climb, and Father O'Malley ~" "~ To clip your ear, and steer you clear ~" "~ Of the funny man in the ice cream van ~" "~ Who talked so queer ~" "~ Doubleback Alley takes me back and in my mind I see ~" "~ Happy, smiling faces if I flog my memory... ~"