"Live, from the Springfield Civic Auditorium it's The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular." "Hello, I'm Troy McClure." "You may remember me from such Fox network specials as Alien Nose Job and Five Fabulous Weeks of the Chevy Chase Show." "Tonight, we're honoring America's favorite non-prehistoric cartoon family." "You'll see long-lost footage never-before-seen material from your favorite episodes old favorites you can't see in syndication." "So join me, won't you, for The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular." "The Simpsons began as the brainchild of cartoonist, Matt Groening." "The already famous creator of such comics as Damnation Johnny Reb and True Murder Stories." "In 1987, Groening teamed up with award-winning producers James L. Brooks and Sam Simon." "What better place to premiere than on The Tracey Ullman Show the nation's showcase for psychiatrist jokes and musical comedy numbers." "On April 19th, 1987, America first met the Simpsons." "Well, good night, son." " Dad?" " Yeah." "What is the mind?" "Is it just a system of impulses or is it something tangible?" "Relax?" "What is mind?" "No matter." "What is matter?" "Never mind." " Thanks, Dad." " Good night, son." " Good night, Lisa." " Good night, Mom." " Sweet dreams." " Thanks, Mom." " Sleep tight." " I will, Mom." "Don't let the bedbugs bite." "Bedbugs?" "Rock-a-bye baby in the treetop" "When the wind blows The cradle will rock" "When the bough breaks The cradle will fall" "And down will come baby" "Cradle and all" "Sweet dreams." "We may be the best parents in the world." " Good night, dear." " Good night." " Mom!" " Dad, what were you saying, Dad?" "I didn't get the thing about the brain and the matter." "Be more specific." "All right, climb in." "There's nothing to worry about." "Now, everyone go to sleep." "Good night." "They haven't changed a bit, have they?" "As the weeks went on, so did the cartoons." "Fresh chocolate chip cookies." "Don't touch those yet." "They're very, very hot." "No one's around." "The perfect crime." "Do I smell cookies?" "Where's the cookies?" "They're all gone, the whole batch." "Somebody ate those cookies." "Did you eat the cookies, Maggie?" "I think she's trying to tell us something." " Go on, Maggie." " Go on, Maggie." "Go, go." "There's no perfect crime." "I've got a great idea." "Let's play Space Patrol." "I'll be Lisuey, the devil-may-care rocket pilot." "Maggie can be Mageena, your spunky sidekick." "And you'll be Bartron, the evil robot from Mars gone berserk." "Do I understand you correctly, Bartron?" "Do you wish me to release you from the helmet of evil thoughts with my enchanted space wand?" "Yes!" "I will do it, Bartron but who knows what mysterious forces will be unleashed?" "Oh, no." "Inside the evil Bartron is a horrible mutant boy." "You'll be safe here till Mom and Dad, the evil overlords, get home." "As wacky as those kids were they were no match for Captain Wacky later renamed Homer." "Wake up, everybody, it's World War III!" "Quick, down to the fallout shelter." "The bombs are dropping." "Eighteen seconds." "If this were really a nuclear war, we'd all be dead meat by now." "Say, you're all shivering." "Are you cold, or what?" "Bart. Bart." "Time for your Sunday-night bath, boy." "Gotta hide." "Bart!" "Where are you, boy?" "There you go." "Now, that's not so bad, is it?" "Scrub good, now." "Welcome to the exotic world of undersea explorer, Bart Simpson." "Come with Bart as he dive into the briny deep searching for the wily and elusive washcloth." "Suddenly, without warning, the brave boy get more than he bargained for." "Help!" "Help!" "Clean as a whistle, Homer." "Maybe the drawings were a little crude, but all the characters were there:" "Itchy and Scratchy Grampa Simpson and Krusty the Klown." "When we return, more classic moments." "And for the first time on TV our private reel of Simpsons outtakes including the alternate endings to "Who Shot Mr. Burns?"" "The cash register says, "NRA 4EVER."" "Just one of the radical right-wing messages inserted into every show by creator Matt Groening." "Over the six years The Simpsons has been on the air we've received dozens of letters from fans wanting to know more about the show." "Tonight, we'll answer some of your questions." "Professor Lawrence Pierce of the University of Chicago writes:" ""I think Homer gets stupider every year."" "That's not a question, professor." "But we'll let the viewers judge for themselves." "Hello." "My name is Mr. Burns." " I believe you have a letter for me." " What's your first name?" "I don't know." "Maybe you can take consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy." "Look at me." "I'm making people happy!" "I'm the magical man from Happyland in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane." "By the way, I was being sarcastic." "Well, duh." "Simpson, Homer Simpson" "He's the greatest guy in history" "From the town of Springfield" "He's about to hit a chestnut tree" " Guys, look what I smuggled aboard." " Homer, no." " They'll clog the instruments." " Careful, they're ruffled." "I'll take care of this." "Ants!" "No TV and No Beer Make Homer something, something." "Go Crazy?" "Don't mind if I do!" "Dr. Linus Irving of the Sloan-Kettering Memorial Institute writes:" ""How does Matt Groening find the time to write and draw an entire Simpsons episode every week?"" "For the answer to this, we went straight to the source." "Get out of my office!" "What Matt meant to say, according to his attorneys is that he couldn't possibly do it alone." "And he insisted that we make time to acknowledge the hard work of everyone who makes The Simpsons possible." "Ambassador Henry Mwabwetumba of the Ivory Coast writes:" ""What is the real deal with Mr. Burns' assistant, Smithers?" "You know what I'm talking about."" "Of course we do." "Preparations for your birthday have begun." " I won't get what I really want." " No one does." "Happy birthday, Mr. Smithers" " People like dogs, Mr. Burns." " Nonsense." "Dogs are idiots." "If I came to your house and started sniffing your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?" "If you did it, sir?" " I'll print you out a copy." " Thanks." "Hello, Smithers." "You're quite good at turning me on." "You should ignore that." "I dreamed about her again last night, Smithers." "That dream where you're in bed, and they fly in through the window?" "As you can see, the real deal with Waylon Smithers is that he's Mr. Burns' assistant." "He's in his early 40s, is unmarried and currently resides in Springfield." "Thanks for writing." "We'll be right back." "If you said Bleeding Gums Murphy and Dr. Marvin Monroe, you are wrong." "They were never popular." "About now, you're probably saying:" ""Troy, I've seen every Simpsons episode." "You can't show me anything new."" "You've got some attitude, mister." "Besides, you're wrong." "Because sometimes episodes run long and certain scenes never get aired." "So fire up your VCR because here, for the first time ever are the cutout classics." "When Krusty the Klown got canceled, he tried everything to stay on the air." "Here's what you didn't see." "Watch my show, I'll send this book of me in a variety of sexually explicit positions." "It's not really me." "I used a stunt butt." "Krusty, we're from the network." "We have some bad news." "I'm afraid your show's been canceled." "I thought this would happen." "I hope you replace me with something as educational and uplifting as I tried to be." "Actually, it's a hemorrhoid infomercial starring Claude Akins." "Can I play Hemorrhoid Sufferer Number One?" "Oh, that hurts!" " Oh, is there no relief?" " I don't think so." "Well, how about one of the after guys?" "Oh, that's better." "I can ride a bike again." "Sorry." "When Springfield legalized gambling, Homer became a dealer and comedy was in the cards." " Twenty." " Your move, Mr. Bond." "I'll take a hit, dealer." "Joker." "You were supposed to take those out." "Oh, sorry." "Here's another one." "What is this card?" ""Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"?" "What a pity, Mr. Bond." "What?" "But it was Homer's fault." "I didn't lose." "I never lose." "Well, at least tell me the details of your plot for world domination." "I'm not going to fall for that one again." "Earlier this year, Homer's long-lost mother returned and so did a long-lost care package." "Homer, please." "You don't have to wolf down that 25-year-old candy just to make me happy." "But it won't make you unhappy, right?" "Hey, Space Food Sticks!" "Oh, I wish I had these on my space adventure." "Did you know I was blasted into space two years ago, Mom?" "Oh, sure, I read all about it." "I mean, it was national news." "Do you still work for NASA?" " No, I work at the nuclear power plant." " Oh, Homer." "Well, you'll be happy to know I don't work very hard." "Actually, I'm bringing the plant down from the inside." "When Homer sold his soul for a doughnut he found out that hell isn't all it's cracked up to be in these never-before-broadcast scenes." "Lawyers, lawyers, lawyers." ""Lionel Hutz." "Case is won in 30 minutes, or your pizza's free."" "I'd sell my soul for a Formula One racing car." "That can be arranged." "Changed my mind." "Sorry." " Cool." " Bart, stop pestering Satan." "Your Honor, we find that Homer Simpson's soul is legally the property of Marge Simpson and not of the devil." "Yay!" "Well, I didn't win." "Here's your pizza." " But we did win." " That's okay, the box is empty." "If that's what they cut out, what they leave in must be pure gold." "Let's watch some more of those fabulous Simpsons outtakes." "Apu living with the Simpsons?" "It happened." "And here's a scene you didn't see." "I'm hoping you enjoy this movie." "It made every Indian critic's Top 400 list." " This movie you rented sucks." " No, it doesn't." "It's funny." "Their clothes are different from my clothes." "Look at what they're wearing." "A few years back, Bart was adopted by Mr. Burns." "In this very special outtake Homer attempts a reconciliation with his estranged son." "Watch." " Bart, you're coming home." " I wanna stay here with Mr. Burns." "I suggest you leave immediately." "Or what?" "You'll release the dogs, or the bees?" "Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark they shoot bees?" "Well, go ahead!" "Do your worst!" "My worst, eh?" "Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons." "Come on, big boys." "Shake the butter off those buns." "Come on, come on, girls." "Shake, shake, shake." "Smithers, it's out of control." "I'll take him out, sir." "His ass is gonna blow!" "This past summer, America was trying to solve the mystery of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?"" "Then they found out it was the baby." "To keep this bombshell secret the producers animated several solutions that were never intended to air." "And to keep the show's animators, editors, staff and hangers-on from leaking the solution two completely different endings were produced, one real, one phony." "Here's the ending you were never meant to see." "The one who shot me was Waylon Smithers!" "No!" "Wait a minute, yes." "With the sun blocker in place and the town aghast I was on top of the world." "So I wanted to kick up my heels and indulge my sweet tooth." "I feel like celebrating." "Oh, it's you." "What are you so happy about?" "I see." "Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt to take candy from a baby but with him out of the picture, I was free to wallow in my own crapulence." "Or so I thought." "At the last moment, Smithers, drunk as a lemur lurched out of the darkness and fired." "That's right." "Right before I shot Jasper." "I was busy that night." "Stricken, I lurched forth in search of aid but finding only slack-jawed gawkers I gave up and collapsed on the sundial." "Then with your last ounce of strength you pointed to W and S." " Waylon Smithers." " I'm just relieved that Homer's safe and you've recovered, and we can get back to normal." "Not exactly." "Smithers, for attempting to kill me I'm giving you a five percent pay cut." "But for that ending to work you would have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence." "And that would be downright nutty." "Yes, The Simpsons have come a long way since an old drunk made humans out of his rabbit characters to pay off gambling debts." "Who knows what adventures they'll have between now and the time the show becomes unprofitable?" "I'm Troy McClure, and I'll leave you with what we all came here to see:" "Hardcore nudity!" "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH]"