"Müslüm Bey, finish us off, will you?" "Just kill us!" "We'll never get overthis now!" "Just kill us!" "Please kill us!" "Go on." "Or give us a gun and we'll do it ourselves." "You can't beat people up like this!" "First, we're beaten senseless." "Then they bring us round for more beating." "I think my rib's broken." "My skull may be fractured too." "I tell you what..." "You know the tall guy with the bald head?" "He beat me with one of those things." "He's been at it since 4.30." "Look at my leg!" "It's a kind of tube with a chain in it." "Right, a chain." "The chain inside gets you." "The chain's outside." "You'll be asking yourselves two things." "First, what's a beating?" "And second, why is it given?" "In a routine beating the body produces two things." "First, fear." "And second, ardinal." "Ardinal's a hormone." "It triggers the desire to be beaten." "We don't want that." "We want you to remember where you went wrong." "A routine beating is, let's say, a routine beating." "And a creative beating is... let's say, being hit by a teacherwith a ruler." "You neverforget it." "That's the point of bringing the golf course to you right here." "Put the ball down, Tiger." "You can't play golf with so much noise going on!" "Let me carry on talking." "I'll explain some more." "Give me the fýve-iron." "The horses are all nervous." "Müslüm Bey, fýnish us off." "Just kill us!" "Face me sideways." "I want to try something new with you." "In the name of God!" "Magic Carpet Ride" "Now for a news report on the bag-snatching mafýa." "Thieves have carved Istanbul into territories." "Thieves poaching on rival ground are collared by their rivals." "Their rivals then beat them up and hand them overto the police." "A gang of unidentifýed thieves who broke into a kebab restaurant... enjoyed a massive 10-kilo fry-up before making off with... the next day's supply of kebab meat, chili, cheese, pastrami and salami." "A man, whose tip-off led to the arrest of a thief... was shocked to learn... that his own carwas stolen property." "It emerged he had been sold the car... with false registration plates." "Four men tried to rob 1 ton steel from a building site..." "Using a horsedrawn cart as their getaway vehicle." "Two were caught red-handed, apparently loath to leave the horse." " You were so rough." " You didn't complain at the time." "Anyway, when did you start talking dirty in bed?" " You're embarrassing me now." " You said the word for it right out!" "You've never heard that before?" "No, I have." "But it's been a long time." " Go on, say it again." " Not now!" "Whisper it in my ear." " You're wicked!" " So?" "Is that a problem?" "Bad girl!" "Don't say things like that!" "OK, I'm out of here." "Tell you what, though." "That bed smells interesting!" "What does my friend use?" "It has to have manure in it!" "Can you please stop calling him 'my friend'?" "I couldn't concentrate for the smell!" "Or else it wouldn't have been such a rushed job." "You know me." " I'll call you then." " I've heard that before!" " I shouldn't call then?" " No." "See you then." " What does your man look like?" " Please stop talking about him!" " The jerk's at the door right now!" " Who?" "Lalezar!" "Open the door!" "Then I'll bring a smaller cylinder next week." "OK, he's not going to fall for the gasman number now." "You want to make me crazy?" "Open the goddamn door!" "Where is the guy?" "Where is the coward?" "He went through there, didn't he?" "Sami!" "Don't do it!" "Don't jump!" "Sami!" "Hey, does this wardrobe always come in so handy?" "Sami!" "Hey, what's going on, Sami?" "What happened to you?" "There was this man in my house." "I followed him out of the window." "He's making a run for it!" "Get him!" "That's him!" "Yes?" "Can I help?" "Superman, help!" "Water!" "Thanks." "Hello." "My name's Asim Noyan." "I guess it would be dumb to ask your name." "Hey, what's this?" "Before you rang my doorbell so hysterically..." "I was committing my own suicide." "Actually, you don't say "my own", which is partly why..." "Anyway, I wish you a nice day." "Make the most of life." "Eat whatsit..." "Eat fýsh!" "And, what was it called?" "Calamari." "Give me a hand." "Does it fýt?" "No, I just tried." "It seemed a bit tight actually." "Probably because of the earthings." "Get down." "Sit down there." "Go on!" "What are you doing, brother?" "Are you off your head?" "Superman doesn't do himself in!" "You have no right to do this to all those kids out there." "To be frank, I don't really see what it has to do with kids." "You do yourself in and what happens?" "It's in all the papers tomorrow that Superman did himself in." "What will kids think when they read it?" "Superman's their idol!" "Imagine how they'll feel." "It's all wrong." "You just want to make the headlines or you wouldn't be wearing that gear." " No!" "This is my stage costume." " Oh yeah?" "Well, what do you wear when you're being a normal person?" " There's that and..." " OK." "Get dressed." "We're going out." "Superman's doing himself in and I save him." "That's some story!" " Who were you running from?" " Hey, you're back with us!" "The woman I slept with, it turns out her guy is married." "I never imagined I'd ever be eating with Superman." "I'm a comedian actually, Amiz Bey." "Amiz?" "What's with the "Amiz"?" "I never heard such a dumb name." "What's "Amiz"?" "To be frank, I also found it strange, Asim Bey." " So you're a comedian, are you?" " Yes, I perform in a bar in Beyoglu." "I mean, I did..." "Once." "On the bottom floor." "Or rather, second from bottom." "It equates to that in altitude terms." "In altitude terms..." "I've never met a comedian before." "When I was a kid, there was a jerk who did a show in the tea garden." "I'll neverforget what he said to me once." ""Why are you laughing so much, imp?" That's what he said." "If you did forget, you wouldn't lose anything actually." "What?" "Well, it's not worth remembering." "He called you an imp, that's all." "You're not funny at all." "Forget it!" "You're mean." "You didn't like that memory of mine." "No wonderthey put you on the second to bottom floor." "Besides, why do yourself in if you're a comedian?" "I can't make people laugh." "But you made me laugh." " Can I ask you a question, if I may?" " Go on." "What do you do for a living, Asim Bey?" "I'm in the freelance business." "But it's very free..." "My phone!" "Stop him!" "Kiraz, the man's fýnished his tea!" "Where's that Necati?" "[XXX]" "Everything with mass exerts a pull... making a dip on the space-time curve." "The force of its pull is proportional to its mass." "The sun makes the largest dip, being the largest mass in the galaxy." "And in fact, this is what gives rise to gravity." "That's the essence of the general theory of relativity." "And Einstein's greatest discovery." "He was the fýrst person ever to grasp the big picture." "Happy Einstein yearto you all!" "That's all fortoday." "My bag?" "If you can't stop it, at least get a system working." "'Theft boxes' for instance." "The municipality could do that." ""Dear Thief, please take the money and deposit all ID in a theft box."" "I almost forgot." "How did the signing day go?" "He said I should be writing punchier stuff." " Who?" " The guy at the bookstore." " What's "punchy" supposed to mean?" " I've no idea." "What did you say to that?" "I said I couldn't punch anyone." " Nuran, isn't the girl so...?" " Please!" "You're not about to crack the Bonus joke, I hope." "Sorry, but everyone does and I've had enough." "No." "I was just going to say how sweet..." "Bonus?" "What's her problem?" "Now, with the person we hire..." "We're looking for..." "Certain qualities..." "Vision and concept, so I mean..." "In the fýrst instance, acting as the company's front line..." "When fýrst meetings clients..." "Which in a sense means representing the company..." "When you say clients?" "Our clients are generally involved with tourism." "Overseas or domestic..." "Wýth an interest in sun, sea, sand." "Or culture..." "Orwinter holidays." "People visiting our country..." "That means someone who impresses with their English..." "Wýth theirtelephone manner." "And so on." "I don't know." "I understand." "Yes, we need someone understanding." "That's fýrst." " Second?" " Pardon?" "You said "fýrst"." "What's second?" "What do you mean?" "Have the boys set up the plasma?" "Yes." "What's your degree in, did you say?" "English philology." "I was top of my year." "I don't like saying that actually but my mother insists on it." "The guy who came second was nice too." "What was it called?" " What was what called?" " Your degree." " Philology." " What's philology?" "English language and literature." "English language is fýne for us." "Shouldn't philology be called 'lingology'?" "I mean, it's logical." "It is to me, at least." "Boss, our man's here." "Should he shoot him in the leg and say it's a wake-up call?" "No, tell him to go for the head and say it's a wake-up call." "If the guy does it again, he'll get one in the leg." "Boss, there was also the issue of money." "Micir, I'm talking to the lady..." "Excuse me." "Hidir, look after the lady." "What a cute doll." "The one on your bag." "I have a little girl too." "Dilber..." "She's only two." "But you should see hertalk." ""Boo-boo", "ga-ga"..." "That's what she says." "She handles the whole world with two words." "What a sweetheart!" "Bless her." "I shaved off my moustache so it wouldn't scratch her." "Don't get the wrong idea, I'd had it for 15 years." "I don't get..." "I mean, I don't get the wrong idea." "You're a lovely person." "Let's see if there's a sell-by date on these plums." "That decides if we eat them or not." "Of course there is." "It's mandatory." "Here, the sell-by date, producer..." " And take a look at this." " For goodness sake, Nuran!" " You inspected them all." " Just checking." "Is that so bad?" " Hi, it's me." " Come in, honey." " She already has." " Sorry?" "You're telling herto come in when she already has." " You're always doing that." " Doing what?" "Instead of welcoming her home, you tell herto come in." "I'd say that's the strangest fault you've everfound with me." " How did it go?" " It didn't." " The book signing?" " Which book signing?" " You don't even want to remember." " What are you talking about?" " And my bag was stolen." " What!" "Where?" " In the classroom." "During class." " Oh no!" "Umut, don't eat those unwashed." "So everything's gone." "She only has to fýle a report with the local authorities." "Good evening, Professor." "This arrived for you today." " Thanks, Mefrika Haným." " No problem." " What is it?" " It's for you." " What's it telling me?" " Wait, let me read it." "It says, "Dear Yusuf Ziya Ocak..."" " They've bought your book!" " What?" "They've bought the title 'Societies with an Undeveloped... '" "For 20,000 Euros." "It's not Euros any more." "It's Avros." "They changed it." "Through a cabinet ruling." "Dad, what's your problem?" "We're talking 20,000 Euros here!" " And look, here's the cheque." " Cheque?" "Let me see." "No one came for the signing but..." "So what are you buying me?" " Nuran!" " Hang on!" "Wait!" " For sale owner direct." " What's that?" "First we put an ad in the paper and fýnd a buyer." "Then we steal whatever he wants and sell it to him." " You mean cartheft." " Yes, but it's nicerthe way I put it." "The guy comes home for lunch!" "We're not in the backwoods here." "Why can't he grab a sandwich?" "The bastards chased me through two neighbourhoods!" " Hello." " Hello." " Asim, it's just a joke." " What's just a joke?" "I never saw anything so moronic." "It turns out the guy's a prosecutor." " What guy?" " He can explain himself." "What prosecutor?" "You mean the retired guy?" "I talk to the guy on the phone." "He says he's a retired civil servant." "How did I know he'd be a prosecutor?" "I also object to the word 'moronic'." " Shut up!" " OK." "What's the story then?" "We get in the car and drive off." "It's a month until I get my bonus." "I'm planning a whole new life." "You know why I want an estate?" "I want to go on family picnics as often as possible." "I've neverfýshed in my life but I own two rods now." "Oh, the kids don't know." "The car's a surprise forthem." "I like the car, really I do." "But how about I give you a cheque for a month's time?" "Why not?" "Well?" "I got out at the fýrst lights and ran." "So you left the carwith him." "That wasn't too clever." "You could have shaken off the prosecutor and saved the car." " How do you mean?" " Like this." "Sir, would you like to take the wheel?" " After all, justice is supreme." " OK." "Let's have a go then." "Bravo!" "You see?" "A brain that works!" "And you go and leave the car!" "Who is this guy?" "Let me introduce you." "Superman." " What kind of "Superman"?" " A regular Superman." "Right." "The Superman we know and love." "Why didn't you say so before?" "We're fellow-countrymen." "The whole gang here is from Krypton!" "My name's Samet." "Superman is just a character I try to act on stage." " He does your head in!" " Yes, sometimes." "Superman, if you have a family... tell them you're with me tonight." "This guy's sense of humour is going to kill me!" "Where do you fýnd these jokes?" "It's unreal!" "Now Samet, I got to know Ýbrahim through the steel business." "Then we became good friends." "I'm not trying to flatter him, but... he's a true gentleman." "He's decent." "He's a good laugh..." " And he's good-looking, right?" " In my opinion, he's not that..." " Right, Tugay?" " Awesome." "He has electricity." "Right." "Good word!" " He has electricity." " Let's not go over the top." "There's that too." "The snappy reply." ""Let's not go over the top."" "I keep trying to think which actor he reminds me of." " It's a foreign actorthough." " A foreign actor." "Sean Connery." "Sean Connery?" "Think of it like this." "Think of Connery's hair." "No, forget that." "He has that stubble." "Shave that off." "There's his Scottish accent, right?" "Get rid of that." "And think of him a bit thinner." "There, that's Ýbrahim for you!" "Ýbrahim, I'm proud of every staff member at my company." "And Silvio here has this gift." "He sees likenesses." "You don't, but he fýnds them." "Yes, it's Sean Connery." "Right?" "Well..." "You have that old stud's magnetism." "Don't deny it, you do." "Then let's shoot a pilot with those girls, gentlemen!" "Nice shape." "Don't knock it!" "Come on, let's go." "More action there, boys." "Let's see it!" "Here are my identical twins!" "How are things, girls?" "What did we talk about?" " How are you, Goldtooth?" " Wait a minute!" "Look, you have to identify the dodgy types at the door." "What do we do now?" "Shoot the guys?" "All of them?" "Sorry, Ýzzet." "It won't happen again." " Hey Goldtooth, you're on edge." " Where did you fýnd these guys?" " We're into steel these days." " It's all you're good for anyway." "Those teeth will be mine one day." "Just you wait!" "What's going on here then?" "How about we liven things up a bit?" "Give us some chips, lady." "The supersonic gamblers are here!" "Ercüment, there's this Russian saying." "It goes:" "There's no ugly women, just too little vodka!" "So the customs offýcer says, "You can't take this goat through."" "And the guy goes, "It's a dog, not a goat."" ""So why does it have horns?" Says the customs offýcer." "So the guy replies, "Keep out of my dog's private life!"" "Enough jokes fortonight!" "Ercüment, let's not waste any time." "You look sorted to me." "Sure, if Natali is OKwith that." "You want together shower?" "You pay extra 50 Dollars." " Shower?" " Shower, shower..." "This lot have a thing about the 'shower'." "Hey, it's not some national fantasy!" "Most of us don't even like water, do we?" "OK, Ýbrahim." "I hope you get your own room." "So who do I stay with?" "Well, I thought me actually." "You're not my type." "Go on!" "I tip a lot." "See you at breakfast, Ercüment." "Breakfast?" "You want all night?" "Then I have to take shower!" "OK." "You do that." "I tell you what..." "She's been paid upfront." "If they're late, you're in shit." "Neverwork with your lover." "It's as simple as that." " Yes?" "What do you want?" " Out of the way!" "Ercü!" "The police are here!" "What!" "Take them away!" "Move it!" "Come on!" "Out of here!" "The supposed elite, most respected members of society!" " You're married, are you?" " Yes, sir." "These types really make you sick, chief." "Personally, my stomach's already turning, dude." "I mean, boss." "Of course they make you sick." "They're engaging in obscenities here." "Excuse me for interrupting, chief..." "Basically, both Ercüment and Ýbrahim are..." "There was a bit of fluff there." "They're respected businessmen." "Ask anyone in the steel industry today..." "And they'll say only good things about them." " Shut up!" " I'm going to beat him up so bad!" "Could we have a quick word?" "Come on, let's talk then." "Thank you so much." "I'm very grateful." "You don't have to push!" "I keep wondering why I don't seem to be at home..." "But I can't work it out." "This lady's pretty but I think she's with Asim Bey, isn't she?" "I asked you a question." " But that "shhh" isn't very nice." " Shut up!" "What are you talking about for God's sake?" "!" "Look at them." "These poor guys will be paraded naked on TV tomorrow night!" "These tapes go to the media?" "There are whole programmes full of stuff like this." "They get the adulterers on camera and broadcast the tapes." " What's an 'adulterer'?" " Someone who cheats on his wife." "You mean we've become adulterers at this age?" "Guys!" "I fýxed the problem anyway." "But he didn't give me an easy time." " They'll give us the tape." " Great." " If we pay 20,000 Dollars." " Hey, that's a lot!" "That's what I said." "Then I got him down to 15,000." "That's still a lot!" "I said that too." "But then they said..." ""We'll be going then." "We'll only just make the main news."" " No!" "Then let's write the cheque." " Defýnitely." "Let's do that." " How much was it?" " If you make it 16..." "That'll coverthe cameraman and so on." "Write legibly, orthe bank won't take it." "I don't understand what's going on here." "Russians, police, showers..." "Shit!" "My kidney!" "They've cut out my kidney!" " They've stolen my kidney!" " Who?" "How do I know?" "The gang." "Look!" "Who'd want your kidney anyway?" "Here, we washed it." "You threw up the whole night." "Supermoron!" "You're licking the guy at this hour?" "!" "Licking him?" "I'm cleaning up your mess." "How was the surgery, Superman?" "Here, this is yours." " Is that all I get?" " What did you expect?" "You had 17 Mojitos last night." "They've been deducted." "Hey, it's good money." "And here's your last Mojito!" " Quick, Superman!" " What's up?" "There won't be any eggs left!" "They fall for it every time." "Were you in charge again?" "No, the guys were." "I just did the artwork." "I'm leaving." "Tugay, you sell that jeep." "Get a good price, OK?" "Sure." "Do you know any othertunes?" " Arif, you're very sexy." " Get out of here!" "Cemil, you're never going to do it." "There's a whatsit there." "Have a go with that." "Wait, I'll get us some tea." "I really don't like you." "Let's see." "If we don't like it, we won't buy it." "Why would be buy something we don't like?" " That's exactly what I'm saying." " No, it's not." "Well, what am I saying then?" "It's like the "Come in" thing." "If we don't like it, we won't buy it." "What "Come in" thing?" "Never mind." "Just keep your eyes on the road." "I don't believe it!" "Are you really a writer?" "Yes, but not a writer anyone reads." "I'm a writerwho writes." "I can trust you then." "Some people treat their cars so badly!" "I don't have any bad memories with my White Dove, thankfully." "White Dove?" "White Dove." "Maybe she'll be your White Dove now." "We've been to some amazing places together." "We even went to Bodrum once." "I took a photo of herthere." "I still have it." "Excuse me, but if it's so hard for you to part with..." "Wýth the car..." "Right, Yusuf Ziya?" "Then we'll..." "Do I look like the kind of person... who'd sell if they didn't have to?" "Absolutely not!" "If you owe someone money, and that person also has a gun... then you should pay them back." "And pay them back today." "Of course." "It's beautiful!" "You like our White Dove?" "It's fabulous!" "So is the Beetle mine now?" "No." "The White Dove's yours." "I don't believe it!" "Well, good luck with ourfýrst police checkpoint." "Hello." "Can I see your papers?" "Dad, can you pass my bag?" " Where's the vehicle license?" " Have a look there." "I reckon women are made forthis profession." "So they're not made for others." "For otherwhat?" "For other professions." "Did I really say that?" "Yes." "In the end." "Madam, we have to impound this vehicle." "Why?" "Because it's stolen property." "In the circumstances, you're both victim and culprit." "Victim and culprit?" " You didn't steal the car, did you?" " No!" "That's absurd." "I have to ask as you were caught with a stolen vehicle." "That's why you're culprits." " But we had our money stolen." " And that's why you're victims." "As far as I understand, we bought it from the people who stole it." "Great!" "You're fýnally getting the picture." " Excuse me?" " Nothing." "If you've fýnished yourtea, we'll take your statement." "But the tea hasn't arrived yet." "Then have it when you get back." "How can you have tea before it arrives, huh?" "It has to arrive fýrst." " So I'm to blame for everything." " That's not what I said." "So what did you mean when you said, "You're fýnally getting the picture"?" "Dad!" " Where did you fýnd that?" " In that Cherokee the other day." " Put it on." " You look great!" "If we all go, we can nick the boat." "And do what?" "You can't sail home!" "What's wrong with a tractor?" "It's easy to nick too." "Sure, with a tractor you have a ready-made convertible!" "Maybe he wants to go somewhere otherthan home..." " By boat..." " Sorry?" "I mean, he doesn't necessarily want to go home." "For all we know, he might want to go to the Canaries, mightn't he?" "Go to hell!" " What was your name?" " Ersin." "Ersin, you could have been nice enough to answer what I said." "After all, I did stand up for you." ""After all"?" "Hayri, what does "after all" mean?" "You've wrecked a brand-new fridge just for the sake of a safe!" " Arif!" " Yes?" " Piss off!" " What did I say?" "How about shutting up?" " Go to hell!" " I live there anyway." "Üzeyir, the house seems a bit risky." "They hired a guard after the last scene we made." "How about we try the school?" "Wait a minute!" "What are you doing?" "I didn't think you were that criminal." "No?" "How criminal did you think I was?" "At least not criminal enough to abduct a small child." "That's happiness for you, Üzeyir." "A house like that." "By the lake." "Actually, a pool would also do." "You won't fýnd a lake everywhere." "A cool blue pool..." "Wýth reflections dancing seductively on the ceiling..." "A seductive life with a pool and grass." "Like Superman said, the main thing is you wouldn't be half as criminal." "Maybe then you'd be allowed... to love your daughter like a human being." "That's my daughter." "Nazli." "Welcome, Mr. Asim." "Thanks, Mrs. Hilal." "Mrs. Hilal, let me ask you something." "How come a restaurant this famous still can't make salad?" "If you paid the bill, you'd be completely unbearable." "Perhaps I could recommend the poison!" "Did your phone number change?" "I didn't get through on the old one." "Shut it!" "Üzeyir, let me change your salad." "Asim, I can't do it." "What can't you do?" "What you do." "Of course you can't!" "You'd go and do yourself in!" "If the work's respectable in any way, I respect it." "But I can't do it." "Look around you, Superman." "Look at those houses." "You think all those people deserve to live there?" "You think they're all clean, there's no crooks there?" "Wake up, Superman!" "You still have to fly!" "He's right, Üzeyir." "He can't do it." "But how was I with...?" "Wýth Tugay's carthing?" "Well, there you were fýrst-rate!" "Give Superman some raki." "Listen, Superman." "I was young back then." "Just 15 or 16..." "There were these big brothers in our neighbourhood." "Ýzzet was the main man." "He was a great guy." "I learned whatever I've learned from him." "I was there when they pulled off a coffýn stunt." " A coffýn stunt?" " Right." "A coffýn stunt." "We had a neighbourhood idiot." "Cengiz." "Look Cengiz, you'll be fýne." "Just climb in!" " I'll take you to the funfair!" " The funfair!" "I'll stay forever." "Good man, Cengiz!" "But Cengo..." "You're dead now, OK?" "Come on!" "Leave it out!" "Rest in peace!" " Which way now?" " No idea!" "Who's in charge of the corpse?" " Where's it going?" " To the funfair!" "Asim, come here." "Sit down." "Organised business..." "Always." "So that day, I said to myself, "You have a choice, Asim."" " In the coffýn..." " You have corpses and head cases." "You're either in the coffýn or carrying it..." "Or you're organising the racket." "And you?" "Where will you be?" "Either you steal or you're stolen from." "Well, can't we follow up the number in the newspaper?" "Of course they'll have changed it." "But it might have been registered." "You're saying the thieves have done nothing wrong?" "I see..." "OK, goodbye." " What happened?" " There's nothing we can do!" "One day, they'll walk off with the Bosporus Bridge!" " Professor, I've found something." " What?" "Look at this ad." "You see the number?" "7133." "Now look at this one." "7134." "For sale owner direct." "Either someone's selling a few cars all at once..." "Or it's our guys." "We have their numbers!" " So?" " So can't we do something?" "Like call and take them for a ride..." " What?" " Why not?" "What have you done, Ersin?" "I don't believe it!" "Hey, what have you done?" "We're sorry." "Ersin, I keep telling you, you're not a rally driver!" "Hey, the car!" "What's going on?" "Bring the car back!" " Mr. Asim, I'm ready." " OK." "Remember, you don't want to sell." "OK." "Don't keep saying that or I'll get confused." "So let's see what you're made of." "You'll do it." "I have faith in you." " I sent off a photo." " Where to?" "A beauty contest." "Where?" "A beauty contest." "You want to be Miss Shampoo?" "Wýth a bit of luck." "It's from reading that stuff the whole time." "This car is everything to me." "No, that was too severe." "This car is everything to me." " How were we doing it?" " We have to go it through again?" "We've discussed it 50 times already!" "Sorry, sweetheart, but this is my fýrst unlawful act." "Well, it's lucky I'm so experienced, Mum!" "Wait." "You're the buyer." "I follow you in the car." "I'm OKthis far." "If he suggests going for a drive, I'm behind you." "Don't worry." " What was next?" " We fýnd out their hiding place." "Just wait." " If he wants to drive around..." " Mum!" "I'll keep to the corners." "And I'll wear my thick glasses." "Whatever!" "The main thing is to fýnd out their hiding place." "OK." "I'm a bit stressed." "Mum!" "They're only thieves, not murderers!" "That makes me feel a lot better." "Be careful." "Hello, I'm Umut." "Let me say this right away." "This car is everything to me." "Sorry?" "Everything depends on this car." "Sure." "In the end, we are interested in buying it." "Can I have a look?" "At what?" "At the car." "Of course." "Go ahead." " The car..." " Is the boot...?" " I'm so sorry." " No, you fýrst." "No, really I'm listening." "Please..." " Does the key...?" " Excuse me?" "It's too expensive." "What?" "The car." "But I haven't told you the price yet." "Well, it looks expensive." "How much is it?" "15,000 billion..." "I mean, 15,000..." "That's 15 billion up front." "You see?" "It's too much for me." "I can't buy it." "Wait!" "We can work something out." "Try driving it." " You can keep the carfortoday." " No." "I don't need to." "We'll meet again tomorrow." "I'm quite certain that by then..." "I'll be able to breathe in your presence." "Forgive me." "Don't take this as a compliment, but..." "I really can't breathe properly at the moment." "I mean, please don't think I'm making advances." "Here's the key." "I'll jump in a taxi or something." "We can arrange the thing tomorrow over the phone." "See you then." "Just a minute!" "So what happened?" "You weren't supposed to buy the car!" "We were going to follow him!" "It all happened so quickly." "He just gave me the car." "Wonderful!" "Now we have a stolen car." "If the police turn up..." "We say we bought it, Mum!" "Right." "Isn't it bizarre how only we're scared of the police?" "Are you a parent?" "If you're single, will you marry me?" "Clear off or I'll call the police!" "You seem to forget the past!" "Happy with the new man, are you?" " Everyone says he's gay!" " Security!" " What's the problem, madam?" " I don't know this man." "Then I don't know you either!" "I've never known you!" "Nazli!" "Nazli!" " How are you doing?" " Fine." "How are you, Uncle Üzeyir?" " Fine, sweetheart." "How about you?" " I'm doing good." "Listen to that cool talk!" ""I'm doing good!" How about that?" " Dad, look." " What's that?" "You didn't get me one, so they did." "Our boys have better ones." "Your Mum wouldn' t allow it anyway." "She fýnds fault with everything I get you." "Rememberthat doll you could only get in Germany?" "She broke that." "Didn't you say she broke it?" "She thinks I steal everything." "Don't you?" "I didn't steal the doll." "That was Ersin or Riza." " Ersin." " Right, Ersin." "Enough!" "Your Mum doesn't like us talking about these things." "Dad, put on your seatbelt." " How does it work?" " You stick it in there." " I can't breathe." " She's asleep." " Who's asleep?" " Nazli." "She's faking it!" "Look at that grin!" "He didn't fall for it, Üzeyir." "You gave them the car and didn't get the money?" "I'm sorting it out tomorrow." "You're sorting it out tomorrow." "What you should have done today." "But you should have seen her, Silvio." "Have you ever seen a crystal-clear stream... with black pebbles in it?" "She was just like that." "You have a favourite cemetery or can we bury you anywhere?" "To be frank, I don't understand the question." "To be frank, you'll understand soon enough." "Welcome." " Nazli, welcome!" " How are you, Silvio?" "Sausage?" "Don't ape him." "Look, Nazli." "That's Superman." " What?" "Can he fly?" " Not yet." "He's still working on it." "Look who's here!" "Daddy's Nazli!" "Welcome Nazli!" " Suna!" " Nazoþ!" "How are you?" " What happened with the car?" " I'm getting the money tomorrow." " Where's the car?" " Wýth the customer." " Where's the money?" " She's paying tomorrow." "Where's the car?" "Wýth the customer." "Where's the money?" "She's paying tomorrow." "You expect me to sell stolen goods on credit?" "Superman does... what our own jerks don't even do." "My name's Samet, not Superman." "Superman's a joke thing I..." "A joke, you idiot?" "You don't joke in this business!" "One joke and you're fýnished." "Üzeyir, say you're Superman and you're up on stage." "You want to make people laugh." "But no one does." "What do you do?" "You're Superman, on stage!" "What do you do?" "You save someone, don't you?" "You grab someone and fly off." "Say you can't do that either." "Then don't wearthe Superman gear!" "You don't wearthe gear if you can't carry it off." "Look, Superman Fake..." "If you don't get the money tomorrow ourfriendship's over... in a flash, as they say." "You understand?" "I think you've made yourself quite clear." "What's this?" "The guys' car." "They said we could keep it." "Have you lost your minds?" "You're playing with gangsters!" " What are you trying to do?" " They cheated us, didn't they?" " They made fools of us." " So?" "If this business is about brain power we have more of it than they do." "The honest should be as bold as the dishonest... as they say." "We're the boldly honest, Dad." "And we can cheat them." "Yusuf Ziya, I specialise in quantum physics." "I can also handle a carthief." "Quantum physics!" "You're plain mad." " Dad, can you calm down?" " Try telling your motherthat!" "I'm the calmest person here!" "Rubbish!" "I haven't even joined in this argument." "Well hardly." "OK, we'll leave the car somewhere." "Anywhere." "The police will fýnd it whatever." "Just get the keys." "Then we have the gangsters after us." "They have Umut's number!" "In the end, we're stealing their car." "And they stole it from someone else." "Do you always have to stress this superfluous detail?" "OK, Dad." "Can we calm down?" "I'll return the cartomorrow and just say we didn't like it." "But if you ask me, we should carry on with the attack!" "What attack for goodness sake?" "Where's it going to get you?" " We'll get our money back!" " Didn't we just end that discussion?" "The idea of meeting is fýne, but we're also telling the police." " So we get the guys caught?" " Yes." "That's normal, isn't it?" "I have a problem with what's normal in this country these days!" "It's normal to have your bag stolen..." "Normal to have thieves break in while you're at home..." "Even normal to have your car stolen at police checkpoints!" "Everything, dear Yusuf Ziya, is quite normal!" "It's only abnormal that we're trying to get our money back!" "We have no choice but to go to the police." "Fine, but will we get our money back?" " Where's the moron?" " Which moron?" "I asked where the moron is, Hayri." "Are you deaf?" "Cool it, sister!" "He's in there." "Don't call me "sister"." "Üzeyir, didn't I tell you she'd show up?" "Why are you yelling?" "How many times have I told you not to yell in front of people?" "Where's my daughter?" "Why the hysterics, Nergis?" "I am herfather." "I said, where's my daughter?" "Where's the toothman?" " Dental surgeon!" " Well, surgeon then." "He's waiting in the car." "Couldn't he handle coming in?" "He might have if you hadn't punched him last time." " He called me a thief." " Aren't you?" "That's none of his business." "At least I'm a good thief." " His tooth jobs are crap." " How do you know?" "If I smash someone's teeth in, I send them right to him." "He botches the fýllings." "That's the difference between you." "You smash teeth." "Semih fýxes them." "You moron!" "Well, I'm not crazy about living this dangerously." "I'll be quitting at some point." "Maybe I'll get into property." "We'll see." "Leave it out!" "Always the same old song!" "You used to sing so sweetly once." "What was it, that song about moonlight?" "The sea and the moonglow." ""The sea and the moonglow..." "Were asking after you."" ""Where are you?"" "There's no moonlight in there." "What do you mean?" "There's sea." "There's moonglow." "So there has to be moonlight too." "Where's my daughter?" "Üzeyir!" "I'll call you on your mobile." "Stay cool, Dad." "I'll SMS you and we can meet." "Come on, Nazli." "We're going." "Hurry up!" "I'd like to notify the police of this address." " Semih, can you shut up?" " I agree." " You shut up, too." " I agree." "Don't get cold." "I won't." "I'm high." "They've picked me." "Who?" "Forthe beauty contest." "Great." "So they know quality goods when they see them." "Goods..." "Nice word." "Sorry." "I'm going." "I'm leaving you." "I'm leaving you." "Painful words." "There's no moonlight... in our song." "Goodbye." "Good night." " Good night, Dad." " Good night, dear." "Dad, calm down!" "It's a busy street." "What can happen?" "I'm just over there." " I can see you from here anyway." " It would be too obvious over here." "He's coming." " Hello." " Hello." "Thanks for the paper." " Am I late?" " No, I was early." " Then I'm late." " No, I was early." " What will you have to drink?" " I have a juice already." "Yes, of course." " It's very..." " I've been..." " Sorry." " Sorry." "Go ahead." "It's the second time we've started talking both at once." "Yes, I'm sorry." "I get tense sometimes." "To be frank, I don't like myself a lot." "Why not?" "I don't know." "I could have been more talented." "I mean in general." "I'm a comedian actually." "A comedian?" "I guess business isn't that great then." "Which of my jokes didn't you like?" "No, I mean with you selling the car..." "No, I just want to exchange it." " Exchange it?" " Yes." "But two days ago it meant everything to you." "How do you mean?" "Anyway, let's get to the point." "We've talked it through at home and come to a decision." "We don't want to buy the car after all." "You're joking!" "I'm sorry if we've strung you along but..." "No, I'm glad." "I was terrifýed you'd buy it." "I don't understand." "The car means everything to me." "I can't sell it!" "Can I tell you a secret?" "The car I tried to sell you..." "It's stolen." "Stolen?" "I was going to tell you even if you'd bought it." "Well, I thought about it..." "Only Mr. Asim would have killed me." " Who's Mr. Asim?" " The leader of the gang." "You have a gang?" "No, Umut Haným." "I don't." "I'm a comedian." " How did you get involved?" " I'm not." "Asim, the gang leader..." "I... he saved my life." "I was Superman." " Superman?" " Superman was my stage name." "My name's Samet actually." "Asim saved my life." "How?" "I was about to commit suicide." "Suicide?" "I don't believe it!" "That's all we needed!" "One day..." "If you have nothing else to do..." "Would you come and watch me?" "I perform on Mondays." "Well, not at the moment." "But if I start again, would you come and watch me?" "OK." "We'll speak on the phone." "Umut." "Samet." "Goodbye." "The car's in the car park on the right." " What took so long?" " I just said we didn't want the car." "Bravo!" "I'll grab a taxi over there." " So is the action over now?" " No, Mum." "It's only just starting." "Thanks." "Hey, the stuffs good as new!" "Here." "Hey, aren't you going to order anything for the woman?" "At least he won't miss this." "Excuse me, yourwallet's on the floor." " Do you ever listen to me?" " Sometimes." "Superman, you know what I like about you most?" "No." "Neither do I!" "If you'll allow me, I'd like to tell you something." "This guy gives me stress, Üzeyir." "He always wants my permission." "It really gives me stress." "Asim, thank you." "For everything..." "It can't really be said that I saved your life." "If I hadn't answered the door, someone else would have for sure." "But if you hadn't rung my doorbell, nobody else would have." "You see?" " Can't we switch channels?" " I can't do it." "Look, I couldn't sell the car either." "You have to 'have it in you', as they say." "Well, I don't." "But that's not important." "What's important is that I have hope now, thanks to you." "What do you take to get this high?" "Do you use anything?" "I could use a cold ayran if they have it." "Whenever I see anyone in trouble, I go and help, Asim." "That's just me." "Abi, I should go my own way." "Just going to wash my hands." "Üzeyir, you're not mute." "So why do you never speak?" "I used to talk a lot once." "It didn't do me any good so I stopped." " Don't knock yourself, Superman." " I won't, Abi." "Suicide, huh?" "You have to fýght it!" "I will." "Listen up." "People have this thing of idling like cars." "The idling should be steady." "Not too fast, not too slow." "You should adapt to every situation, be whatever you have to be." "Like those animals that change colour." "You know, chomeleons." "Not chomeleon." "It's chameleon." "Superman, don't correct me." "You were saying about chomeleons." "You know what I like about you most?" "I know." "You don't know." "No, I do know." "You have a clean heart." "You have such a clean heart." "You'll get trodden on by everyone." "I don't show the dirt any more." "But they'll make mincemeat of you." "Take more care of yourself." "I never had any brothers or sisters." "I didn't have a real family either." "Where's yourfamily?" "What do they do?" "They're in Canakkale." "Or rather, Evrese." "Where?" "Evrese." "You know the song?" "Actually, the streets aren't narrow like they are in the song." " That's a real place?" " Yes." "Yes, it's a real place." "The streets aren't narrow, but the song says they are." "Use that on stage." "It's funny." "You're from Evreþe and looking for jokes in Krypton." " Is that right?" " Yes." "That seems about right." "Sorry." "I'm clueless about your job but I tried to, you know..." "Look, Superman..." "Samet..." "You're my brother now." "If you're ever in trouble, you know where to fýnd me." "Yes, I do." " Here, take this." " I can't." "Go on." "Take it." "The girls said to put it in an envelope but it's a bit..." " You're my brother." " Thanks." "The guy isn't a gang member." "He's only just joined." "So he's a memberthen." "He's joined." " Well, whatever." " He might panic if he hears this." " Who?" " Yourfather." " He's a comedian actually." " Who?" " Superman." " Who's Superman?" " The guy." " The guy's Superman?" " Yes." " Good." "So he'll save us then." "That's exactly what I'm saying." "He might be suspicious if he sees us mother and daughtertogether." "Mum, we're victims!" "We need help." "Superman won't turn us away." "We're from Germany, are we?" "Where in Germany?" "I don't know." "Make something up." " Hello." " Hello." "Oh, sorry." "My mother." "Samet." " Very pleased to meet you." " Thanks." "Likewise." "I know I'm gatecrashing here..." "But I wouldn't have been so rude... if circumstances hadn't forced me." "No, please..." "Don't mention it." "Well, yes." "Hello." "Welcome." "What can I get you?" "The pilaki here is the best in Istanbul." "Really?" "But I don't want anything, thanks." " Right." "And you, Umut?" " I'll have the pilaki." "Then a pilaki for each of us." "And rice." "Wýll you have a drink?" "No, thank you." "It's just I'm rather upset." "Thanks, Ercan." "That's all." "Umut has spoken about you at length." "We also talked on the way, didn't we?" "About yourfriends, yourties with the gang..." "Thanks, Ercan." "When she mentioned yourties" "I thought only you could save us." "Didn't I, Umut?" " I can save you?" " Yes." "I told Mum er..." "I said you could save us from these evil people." "Evil people?" "Yes." "Wýth your strength of character I believe..." "I believe you can save us from this problem." "You don't have to." "Only if you feel like it." "It's just we've never experienced anything like it before." "Never." "Believe me, after all those years in Germany..." "You're 'gastarbeiter'." "No." "We did live in Germany..." "But we don't like the word 'gastarbeiter'." "I mean, so many years in Germany..." "But then Umut was born in Germany." " Really?" "Where?" " Er, Gerzenkirschen..." "Of course it's so long ago now, I..." "But we're here now... thank goodness." "Or is it?" "I don't know." "I thought only you could save us from this injustice." "Üzeyir, I offer ourfriend help... and he's here to get it next day!" "It's unbelievable what he did!" "I mean Umut's father's partner." "He never paid him back." "I mean, he stole decent people's money!" "No, really?" "When I say stolen..." "Sometimes you have to." "Don't you?" "He browbeat them." "In the end, they're 'gastarbeiter'." "I mean, they spent years working in Germany." "So you even found out about theirforeign affairs!" "If I said I loved her, I wouldn't be lying." "Üzeyir, we really have a Superman here." "Stealing a chick in a stolen car..." "I'd say that's really something!" "Don't be angry, but in my opinion 'chick' isn't the right word here." "How much did he walk off with?" "That partner of his... 100,000 Euros." "I don't know how much that is in Lira." "I do." "A lot!" "You know I more or less said I loved her?" " Yes." " I should stress that point." "What do we get out of the deal?" "I'm telling you, she's my girlfriend." "Superman, you take girls out to dinner orthe movies." "You don't pick up 100,000 Euro debts forthem." "We'll sort something out." "I don't want a cut." "It's yours." "No, you should at least get a cut." " Where's the address?" " In my pocket." "The full address." "You just fýlled it, right?" "What!" "Polonezköy?" "Tell the boys to get themselves ready." "OK, Abi." "I'm flying." "Tugay Abi, Silvio..." "Have you been roughed up lately, old boy?" "No." "Then I want snappy answers." "We're here to fýnd a jerk called Müslüm." "Pardon?" "He said, a jerk called Müslüm!" "Are you deaf?" "Ajerk called Müslüm!" "Is he deaf?" "Ajerk called Müslüm!" "Louder!" "Ajerk called Müslüm!" "Loud enough?" "You heard?" "Where is he?" "Go that way." "Cross the bridge and there's a fýeld of jerks." "You can't beat old boys, can you?" "Ersin, don't speak unless you have to." "Ultimately, that was uncalled for." ""Ultimately"?" "What does that mean?" "Get a look at that!" "A man needs a horse, a wife..." "What was the otherthing?" "Bravo, a gun!" "Welcome." "Thanks." "What do you want?" "What do we want?" "Water if you have it." "If not, forget it." "We'll fýnd a spring somewhere." "It's the countryside here." "I guess if we go straight we'll be going straight back." "If we go the way we came we're bound to be going back." "Why are you here?" "To say hello to Mr. Müslüm..." " Superman, what have you done?" " Don't use names." "Mr. Müslüm..." "You talk to the gentleman and we'll wait here." "Yes, we'll wait here just in case." " What do you mean?" " Can't you see those guns?" "Shut up!" "Drop it, Tugay." "Let everyone say their last words in peace." "Don't give the guys stress." "You know the song?" "Follow me." "All of you!" "The song?" "I don't believe it!" "You're still playing golf!" "I neverwant to look at another golf club!" " Did you go riding?" " Yes." " Then take another ride." " I don't want to." " Go and watch the plasma." " I don't want to do that either." "Look, this is my golf hour." "See if I care!" "Is this them?" "This is them." "This?" "Them?" "Did you referto me as "a jerk" on yourway in?" "Do you talk about me as a "jerk" in your private life?" "That's a bit much!" "I mean, if you get the gossip on us before we're even here, that's..." "Are you acting the retard?" "No." "It's not gossip." "We have it on video." "Video?" " Tiger, take them to the plasma." " Sure." "This way!" "When you say plasma..." "Have you been roughed up lately, old boy?" "No." "Then I want snappy answers." "We're here to fýnd a jerk called Müslüm." "Pardon?" "Videos are a great gadget, aren't they?" "Sure." "Very useful." "At weddings and so on." "He said, a jerk called Müslüm!" "Are you deaf?" "Cut the jokes!" "Ajerk called Müslüm!" "Are you deaf?" "Is he deaf?" "Ajerk called Müslüm!" "Louder!" "Ajerk called Müslüm!" "Loud enough?" "You heard?" "Where is he?" "Mr. Müslüm..." "Obviously it wasn't nice that I used that word, but... it wasn't nice at all that the guys... kept repeating the word..." "I thought the old man couldn't hear..." "That's why I was shouting." "You were being plain rude." "Shall I rewind to the beginning?" "No." "Let's get going then." "Here, you take the remote control." "Take them to the stable." "Kneel down." "I play an hour of golf every day." "Does that seem a lot?" "I'm new to the game." "Quiet!" "I'm not any good yet but I'm working on it." "They say golfs a game for the elite but it's not." "Anyone can play." "I don't get the time to play though." "You've just wasted half an hour of my time." "If the boys beat you for half an hour... what would happen to the golf?" "Now open your mouths." "Sorry?" "Open your mouths!" "I'm playing golf." "I need holes." "Well, if anyone trusts his ass, then..." "Open your mouths!" "You got this beating for being thieves..." "And for stealing from decent people." "We've done our best... to make sure it's a lesson you neverforget." "If the impact is lasting... we'll be all the happier." "Thank you so much for the cheque." "I don't know what to say." "Then don't say anything." "I just love how her mind works." "This is for Dilber." "From me." "What a cute doll." "I should be going." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "You're a lovely person." "They beat the guys up." "Is that really what we wanted?" "No, but..." "Hello." "Hello." "You came." "Why are you so surprised?" "Didn't you ask me?" "Does it hurt?" "It does still hurt a bit." "I'm so sorry." "I didn't know about the beating." "That's OK." "It was the nicest beating I've ever had." "I really feel bad." "I mean, if you like, we can go for a drink later." "OK, sure." "For me?" "You mean, you'll stay and watch?" " This is the costume then?" " Yes." "It looks good." "I should go then." "See you later." "And now, Superman Samet of Evrese with his new show!" "Hello." "Welcome." "Great!" "When I see so many people laugh..." "I really think the show will be a hit." "Actually, the fýrst show was a hit." "So now there's a second one..." "I was about to commit suicide." "The crime rate in the city had soared." "People needed help." "And I, Superman of Evrese, the only Superman who could help..." "I was about to commit suicide." "If Asim hadn't rung my doorbell I'd probably be in Krypton now." "Really." "He gave me fresh hope to face life again." "Cemil, what happened with the safe?" "It turns out there's another safe inside." "Maybe it's time to quit." "It's lost its thrill." "There are thieves everywhere now." "What do you say to property?" "It's a good business, right?" "You go and make a deal with the landlord." "Then?" "Then?" "Don't make me yell!" "I can't hear you properly." "That's normal." "You don't have proper ears!" "Dad!" "Dad!" "How are you doing?" "Careful, my back!" "Aren't you better yet?" "No, but I'm fýne." "A crazy accident." "Falling off a ladder." " You fell?" " Right." "So when did you get the punches?" "A week or so before the fall, wasn't it?" "Does my shirt look OK?" "I had fourteeth knocked out." "I need a toothman right away." "But I don't know any." "I'd laugh but it's not a pretty sight." "It hurts a bit too."