"TOTÒ IN THE LION'S DEN" "AKA TWO HEARTS AMONGST THE BEASTS" "CLASSIC DANCE REHEARSAL ROOM" "Damn, what legs!" " Let me have a peek." "One, two, three." "One, two, three." "One, two, three." "One, two, three." "Four and five." "Four and five." "Six, seven, eight, nine, ten and eleven." "One, two, three." "One, two." "One, two." "Gracefully." "Gracefully." "Well done." "Well done." "Like this!" "Away!" "Mr. Director, may I?" "No, Professor, let's not be mistaken." "Excuse me, Sir..." " There's still 30 minutes left of class." "The clock mustn't be working." " Your head mustn't be working." "Please, Sir, my motto has always been "conscientious and serious"." "Conscientious and serious?" "Oh!" "You're here?" "Always on time during the last 6 months!" "No, please." "Today I'm 5 minutes late." "Good day!" "Keep the change." "Beautiful day, eh?" "Very beautiful." "If you don't mind, kind lady, can you give this synthetic and odoriferous floral homage to the Miss?" "For Miss Laura?" "Why not?" "OK." "1000 thanks. 2000 thanks." "I'd give you 3000 but I'm all out." "Mere trifles!" "Do you think Miss Laura thinks about me?" "She only thinks of you." " Really?" "Take this." "What is this flow of boxes, cases, suitcases and trunks?" "I don't know." "You think Miss Laura will go out today?" " Certainly, but not now." "She has guests." "This replica of the missing link was given to us from the research of the late Professor Berti, father to the Miss Laura now present." "We'll take this replica with us to make physical comparisons." "Hey, you!" "It is estimated that the strength of its arm could lift a weight three times its body weight." "Exactly equivalent to seven times that of a human." "As your body mass and muscles exceed that of the Neanderthal, its agility and ferocity render it almost impossible to capture." "Professor, how do you plan to face it?" "Trust me, I know what I'm doing." "The man beast will not escape." "How?" " Tell us, Professor." "Doesn't today's technology put in our hands new weapons of infinite possibility?" "What do you allude to?" " The movies." "I see, if you can't capture it, you can capture its image." " Exactly." "Professor, is it true that Miss Berti will be part of your expedition?" "Correct." "Miss Laura Berti, worthy daughter of our late illustrious anthropologist will be for me a delightful collaborator." "One more question." "They talk of a prize of 3 or 4 million." " It's 5. 5 million." "Yes, a prize of 5 million generously donated by a patron." "The Marquis de Montalto in fact." "It'll be awarded to the scientist who'll pull off a masterpiece." " Exactly." "When I think of this adventure it seems to me like a dream." "Of course, adventures have their dangerous sides but don't worry while me and Mrs. Palozzi watch over you." "The will of the only daughter of my great master will be fulfilled." "We'll carry the homage of science to the place where saw the sacrifice of the illustrious Lorenzo Berti." " We must succeed, Professor." "I know we'll succeed." " Certainly." "And we have taken all the necessary precautions." "Right, Doctor Palozzi?" "Our health is in your hands!" "What's wrong?" " A bit of rheumatism." "Divine!" "Heavenly!" "Paradisical!" "RadioMerellical!" "They're stealing her from under you nose." "You can't win a woman with shyness." "Go get her!" "Let's go!" " You're right." "This time I'm diving in." "Heaven's sake!" "Not empty handed!" "I know women, they're mad about flowers!" "Flowers?" "My usual flowers, hurry!" "I won't spare no expense." "One minute!" "Hurry!" "Holy..." "Thanks." "Good luck." " And they say that one ruins himself for a lady." "The flowers!" "Here they are!" "Thank you." " My partner." "Gentlemen." "This way." "It's like a dream." "Think of all that I had to fight with for this expedition to come true." "You were lucky." "You found in me the man you needed." "Miss Laura, under my rough exterior lies a heart..." "That is to say a heart that..." " Excuse me." "What do you want?" " Didn't you call me?" "Ah, yes." "Some tea?" "Prepare the tea." "FREEZER WARNING 60 BELOW ZERO" "Laura..." "Do you understand the language of my flowers which adorn your cabin?" "Yes, of course." " You see you'll find me a sure support, a bulwark against life's adversity, a bridge across your future." "And if I dare say it, a bridge..." "But Laura, you're not listening to me!" "But yes!" "You were talking about bridges." "I needed that sip of cognac." " You call that a sip?" "Instead, tell me how you're here?" " Badly!" "No, I want to know how you got inside." "Love!" "Love?" "You wouldn't by chance be in love with the professor's wife?" "Shoo!" "Shoo!" "For the love of heaven!" "My love is an angel, a treasure." "A girl with blue hair and golden eyes." "Miss Laura?" " Yes." "The aforesaid." "The aforesaid." " The aforesaid?" "The aforesaid exactly." "Be honest." "I know how to pick them, eh?" " I don't say no, but the problem is that the head, Professor Smith, knows how to pick them too." "He's courting her like no tomorrow!" "Then I must kill myself of course." " Damn, you have it bad." "Leave me in here." "I want to die!" "I want to die!" "I want to freeze to death!" "Yes..." "Before I finish this little trip, I want to pay my last respects." ""Little trip" you say." "If all goes well, it'll last a year." "A year?" "But isn't this a cruise?" "You aren't gypsies, are you?" "Gypsies?" "This is an expedition!" "Don't you know Professor Smith goes on them?" "He must be expeditious." " Go to hell!" "Just think, in a year I might be able to speak to her." "Yeah, but if the captain catches you, you'll have a rough time of it." "But you'll help me?" " Me?" "Haven't you ever been in love?" " Some things I won't touch." "If you have a heart, even half a heart, you'd help me." "Otherwise..." "Oh!" "Otherwise!" "Do me a favor, you are who more handy, more fit, suicide me!" "What?" "You want me too..." " Yes, decapitate me." "Don't make me." "Maybe some other time." "No, come on." "Decapitate me!" " All right." "I'll help." "You'll help me?" "I just remembered we haven't introduced ourselves." "True." "Agatino, chef on the Smith expedition." "Pleased to..." " Are you cut?" " A trifle!" "And I'm Totò, professor of classical dance." "He's my assistant for this expedition." "What school do you belong to?" " Dance..." "Truly not." "I meant..." " You meant the French school?" "Mais oui, naturellement!" "Ooh!" "Ooh, là, là..." "Then you were at Paris with the great Escoffier?" " The great Scoffer?" "Eh!" "What a man he is." "A sage." "No, no!" "Rosemary!" "Ah, yes!" "Ooh!" "This stuff is reserved." "He has a delicate stomach." "What would you prepare?" "For you?" "Want any?" "I had enough." " Pour away!" "It's paid for by the Geographical Society." "Then long live geography!" " Long live geography!" "So far so good but when we get there..." "Come, it'll go great!" "I guarantee it!" "When I think of my lass," "I wonder why I brought myself on this adventure." "I'm tempted to beat it at the first port." " If you even try it..." "The dinner bell!" " Boys, gather round!" "Long live the Geographical Society!" " Let's not keep the professor waiting!" "Modern techniques!" "If I may?" "It's Bavarian cream." "A creation of the chef." "He said we ruined his stomach." "Who could have done this to me?" "You're finally here, eh?" "There you are." "You see what condition my men are in?" "You've ruined their stomachs." " Forgive me, Professor." "Forgive you?" "You know my stomach requires special care!" "But you instead..." "What bad luck." "You'll pay for this!" "Wait." "As for your assistant, I'll smash him to pieces!" "Fake!" "Modern Techniques!" "And we fell for it!" "If I find him, I'll roast him, I swear!" "The French school!" "He's after your hide." "No!" "I'm after your hide!" "To be honest, he has put in a reservation before you." "Wretch!" "You've poisoned the professor!" "A little more and he'd be kaput." "Modern Techniques!" "What a tragedy it would've been." "Just think you might've killed a great scientist." " Who?" "Professor Smith!" " Ah!" "The missing link!" "Missing link?" "You know nothing." "He's investigating the academy of a synthetic man, the humanitarian cells?" "Understand?" "And now give me my bunk." " What?" "You're expelling me?" "What if they find me?" "Just think I couldn't get near Laura." "I'd rather die." "I'd rather die!" " Wait." "Let go." "I want to kill myself!" "Don't act crazy." "I'll help you!" "I'll help you!" "Ah, I'll help you." "Modern techniques, right?" "Feel my technique now!" " No!" "Let go of him!" "Let go!" " No, not until he's strangled!" "Go call the boatswain!" "Let go of me!" "Let go of me!" "Let go of me!" " I want to kill him!" "I want to kill him!" " Leave him!" " Let me kill him!" "Let go of me!" "I want to kill him!" "He must die!" "Separate them!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" " Captain Sir!" "There's the poisoner!" "Who's that?" "Assistant poisoner!" "Stop!" "Mr. Cook!" "Mr. Cook!" "You forgot your shoe." "Who are you?" "Tell me your name." "Right!" "If I tell you, I'm out!" "Ah!" "A stowaway!" "Boatswain, take charge of this individual." "We apply the maximum severity of Article 385 of the Maritime Code, third paragraph." "Away!" " Third paragraph?" "No!" "Mercy!" "Leniency!" "This article 385 works nicely." "This is the law: "The stowaway must be fed, sheltered in a cabin and then..."" ""and landed at the port of origin." I've got it by heart." "You never know!" " Oh, God." " Feeling unwell?" "Some dizziness." " Does it happen often?" "As soon I put foot on a boat." " Why are you a sea doctor then?" "I wonder the same thing." "All I needed was this expedition!" "Damn that missing link!" " Eh?" "The missing link?" "Have you met him?" " Who?" "Hello?" " Hello?" "Who's this?" " It's me, the missing link... the doctor!" "Must be a bad connection!" "I was saying that guy, the caveman..." "the one who's from the..." "Ah, theories, theories!" "The man descends from the ape." "Even me?" " Who might you be?" "A VIP?" "Are you obsessed with this missing link business too?" "Agatino told me all." " And what did he say?" "That the missing link is not quite a beast of the animal kingdom, but a volcanic metamorphosis of a true humanity." "The synthetic man is a synthesis of the humanitarian cells that regardless of the masculine anatomical corpulence, always excluding the abdominal part of the microalogical, we have the sympathetic nerve that feels disliking and liking thus calculating the epidermal distance between man and gorilla" "we witness the specific case of our similarity with the chimpanzee." "Is that clear?" "But..." "You're not well!" " Ah, yes." "I'm a poor sick doctor." "The stowaway was in the trunk at the time of sailing." "Remember?" "Looks like a spy." " You may be right." "What should we do?" "I'll give you an hour to get rid of him." "Understand?" "An hour!" "Within an hour, that man won't exist." "You can check my watch." "On the dot." "33?" " Why do you say "33"?" "All your life you make us say "33" and now you're shocked if someone asks you." "33." " 33." "43." " 43." "53." " 53." "73." " 73." "Bingo!" " Bingo!" "I say "bingo", I've won." "You need an R." "You suffer from a chronic "needanRisis"." ""NeedanRisis"?" " Yeah." " I've never heard of it." "There are probably lots of diseases you've never heard of." "And yet they exist." "Come!" "Roll over." "Shall I undress?" " No, no." "Does it hurt here?" " No." "Freeze!" "Stay." "But that's air!" " Right." "A little air does one good." "Big silly!" "This is for you." "Now, don't get agitated." "Stay calm." "Come back and visit me soon." "Very soon." "And above all, remember the "R"." "The "R"!" "See ya, pal!" "What is he doing?" "Throws away my flowers?" "The outcast!" "But just wait!" "What do you want?" "What are you doing here?" "Yes..." "Don't be afraid." "I'm no more than a shadow." "A wandering spirit, a gentle ghost, a bird of passage." "A Romeo passing by." "Indeed, passing in the underpass." "A wandering lover." "One cry!" "Just one and you'll see this man before you crazed for having annoyed you, slap himself to slapicide!" "And disappear... in the darkness...forever." "Yes!" "Will you tell me who you are?" "What do you want?" "Who... who knows?" "I don't." "But don't look cloudy." "Perhaps I just want to die near you." "Just like this." "Without one lament." "On a night shi..." "Lightning!" "Luckily, I've rubber soles." "Yes, the heart is..." "Miss Berti, Professor Smith wants you in the lounge." " OK." "Anyhow, think of me." "Before and after dinner." "Help!" "Help!" "Excuse me a moment." "I was saying I realize you're a modern girl." "Yes." "Flowers are an old fashioned romance." "You prefer something new:" "the unexpected, adventure." "You must try to be more clear." "And tell me who that unknown man is who allowed himself to enter my cabin." "That unknown man won't bother you again." "I give you my word." "Are we playing or not this tresette?" "It's a shame only three know how to play." "Don't worry, Pietro." "We'll play with a "dead man"." "Come on!" "Ah, fantastic!" "You stink!" "Come in." "May I?" "Am I bothering you?" " No, please." "Did you sleep well?" " Yes, thank you." "Dreams?" " No, I hardly ever dream." "I, on the other hand, always dream." "These geographical maps are all wrong." "No, impossible." " How is that?" "Didn't I question it?" "For example, look..." "Here's the sea." " I know." "So?" "Here are these words "Indian Ocean"." " Naturally." "Don't you believe it!" "I've been watching the sea for 10 days and these words never appear!" "And yet they're so big and pretty, eh?" "Good day, Miss Laura." "Good day, Professor." "Beware of that individual." "He's a criminal of the worst kind." "Is it possible?" "What is it?" " Excuse me, I forgot something." "And I can't remember what I've forgotten." "Yeah, I forgot!" "Boy, if you have the audacity..." "If you have the nerve to step in here again..." "I... will throw you in the sea!" "Get out!" " Ah, yes!" "Professor, I've found the map we needed." " Yes?" " Here is the detail of the river." "Indeed, it's very important." "It'll be very useful." "You again?" "Didn't I tell you I throw you in the..." " The sea?" "That's why I've come prepared." "What do you want now?" " Excuse me, I've forgotten something." "You do nothing but forget!" " Of course!" "A forgettable trip." "If I had forgotten, I'd say, "You didn't forget, remember?"" "But I don't want to forget." "And I'm forgetting what I've forgotten." "Is it clear?" " Get out!" " Yes, Sir." "Out!" "What's up?" "Oh, God!" "Here in the cabin!" "The professor feels sick!" "Fantastic!" "Help!" "In the professor's cabin!" "In Miss Laura's cabin!" "The professor is sick!" "Yes!" "Doctor, run to Miss Laura's cabin." "The professor is dead!" " I'm a doctor, not an undertaker." "Yes, I know, but he hasn't yet died." "He's so so." "About to expire." "Doctor!" "He's expired." "A tragedy!" "A tragedy!" "The professor's dead!" "The alarm!" "Quick!" "Fire!" " Save yourselves!" " Hurry, a fire!" "Everybody at your posts!" "A fire!" "Sailors!" "A fire?" "Laura!" "I have to save Laura!" "I must save Laura!" "Laura!" "Laura!" "Laura!" "Laura!" "Laura!" "We've got to do something!" " The boxes!" "We must save them!" "Hurry!" "You too!" "Go save the boxes!" "Pietro, what are you doing here?" "Lend a hand!" "Go!" "Hurry!" "What's happening?" "What does he want?" "Are you crazy?" "The professor is dead!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "Where are you going?" "Be calm!" "Article 385, paragraph 3:" ""If a stowaway disturbs navigation by pretending there's a fire,"" ""he'll be subject to the provisions of Article 486, paragraph 18"." "Paragraph 18?" " Paragraph 18." "Paragraph 18!" " Paragraph 18!" "In prison!" "I'm a teacher, I'm not like you!" "Eh?" "What am I doing here?" "Son, what can I say?" "It's a long, very long love story!" "Yeah, you're too little to understand certain things." "But know this: whatever I did, I did for love." "Only for love!" "I'm a teacher!" "Let me out!" "What is it?" " The prisoner is getting agitated." "He could use a calming dose." "Is that so?" " Eh!" " Leave it to me." "Go in." "She's gone!" "Laura is gone!" ""Dear friend, when you read this we'll be far away."" ""The ship will probably drag you far from your beloved."" ""But know what Agatino says?" "Keep eye on the sausage."" "An eye on the sausage!" "Today there's little for the fish to munch on with Smith's boxes." "What an appetite they'll have." "Throw them over." "Oh, Professor!" "We're ready." "How do you think we're dressed?" " Very well." "Then we can leave right away." " I'm sorry, but you can't come." "Why?" " Won't Laura be with us?" "No, not even you, Miss." " Oh!" "How terrible!" "My men have been exploring the surrounding jungle." " So?" "It's not only filled with beasts and reptiles, but there's also two fierce tribes who are at war with each other." "The few whites who have gotten near them, have called them the Handsome and the Ugly, due to their physical traits." "All this imposes on us the utmost caution." "Excuse me." "Professor!" "Professor!" "You forget my financing you was based on the condition of my participation." "Your participation, but not your life." "Also, I warn you that I'm used to being obeyed, and if you weren't a lady, however lovely you may be, I'd know how to enforce my will." "I cannot nor should expose you to certain risks." "Sorry." "Be more agile, Giacomino!" "What kind of ape is that?" " Not like that!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "I've been redoing the scene all morning." "I'm tired!" "You talk of tired?" "Know that the film must be perfect!" "We'll keep redoing it until it's done!" "Come now." "You need to pass here." "And remember that, as soon as you leave, go towards the slope where the mechanical beasts are, eh?" "And remember to step on the leaves to signal the activation of the snake." "Got it?" "Ah!" "Ready?" " Yes." " Let's go." "Pietro, don't forget the roar." "Help!" "I'm dead." "Get up!" " It's no use pretending to be a man!" "I know darn well you're a beast!" " Get up!" " Who?" "Me?" "Not happening!" "Ah, it's you, eh?" "I'll fix you!" " Look who's here!" "You saved my life!" "But what are you doing here?" "You ruined the scene, you clumsy idiot!" "Clumsy idiot?" "Do I look clumsy to you?" "A lion with wheels!" " I'll teach you to disturb people's work!" "Ah, you funky little monkey!" "Why do you come here?" " Is there no trespassing?" "He was spying while we filmed the lion." "Ooh!" "I saw the lion." "Magnificent." "Very well done." "Ah, these toy manufacturers are clever!" "Exactly." "So clever." "Buddy, you won't get anywhere with me!" " I know." "You can't get anywhere because you're not her type." "Who are you talking about?" " Her." "You'd like..." "Throw him in the cave and don't let him escape." "Go!" "Not the cave!" "Not the cave!" "Leave it to me." "I'll find a way." "He won't speak again, eh?" "Agatino!" "Agatino!" "Help!" "Help!" "Don't you recognize me or did you really think I was a hippo?" "Ah, it's you!" "How scary!" "Be honest: you recognized my voice, eh?" " Yes." "Help me to take off the head!" " OK." "Who screamed?" " Me." "Who's that?" " It's her." "But what's all this?" " I can't get it off his head." "But it's rather easy." "Ah, right." "Thank you." "You?" " You?" "I mean me... no him, yes..." "I say..." "I understand." "Excuse me." "I dunno." "You're so very... ooh!" "If you knew how happy I am to find you again." "You're so... so..." "Is it clear?" " Not very." "After all, you have such refined thoughts." "The toys..." "What toys?" " Don't be so modest!" "Only you would think of bringing toys to the savages' kids." "I assure you I didn't bring any toys." " You sure?" "Maybe it was the doctor's wife." "And so nice!" "So life like." "Life like?" "Are you sure?" " Very sure." "There were leopards, snakes." "But the hippos weren't set up." "These toys, where did you see them?" " In the cave." "In the cave?" " Oh, yes." "In the jungle." "I'm beginning to understand." "Tonight we'll escape together." " The two of us?" " Yes." "Together." " Yes, we must." "But I mean... you and me?" " Of course." "You and me?" " Certainly." "I'll get dressed." "Get ready." "Together!" "The joy!" "Well, what happened?" "We're escaping, fleeing." "Quick, prepare my luggage." "Who's escaping?" " Me!" "With her." "Ah, you're kidnapping her!" "An abduction?" " No, she is kidnapping me." "Get it?" "Hark at that!" "She's kidnapping him!" "I told you, one can't command the heart." "It's an amour fou!" "Those are... are..." "They're hyenas." " Mere trifles!" "Don't be afraid." "What was that?" " Must be bad weather." "I'll check if it's raining." "That's not thunder, that's a roar!" "From a lion?" "Hah!" "Toys." "It's Pietro, the operator of the beasts." "He imitates the roars." "Well?" "Now will you be more at ease?" " Don't be crazy, get up here too!" "I'll show you how the toys are set up." "For the love of God, hurry!" "Those roars are real!" "Mere trifles!" "With a couple of timed kicks," "I'll make those in the camp think twice before making you sca..." "Sca... scared!" "Scared!" "The rope!" "Hurry, climb up!" "Hold on tight to the rope!" "I didn't think you were so agile." "Was it fear?" " Yes." "No!" "What fear?" "That synthetic adjective doesn't exist in my dictionary!" "Help!" "God's sake, don't let go of the rope!" "The lion is jumping!" "The lion is jumping!" "Maybe it had a misprint!" "They're lying down." "The lions are optimistic." "Now, leave it to me." "Wait here." "Good day, Miss!" "Good day." "Sleep well?" " Very well, thanks." "And you?" "Oh, I've dozed." " And the lions?" " No!" "Where are they?" "No, I was asking what happened with lions." "Ah, you're referring to those mammals from last night?" "I thought upon waking seeing them here you might be scared so I did:" "Shoo!" "Shoo!" "I forgot..." "By the way, I picked these roses for you." "Thank you." "What unusual roses!" "A mere substitute." "But I like these too." "Know that each flower has its own linguistic language and it's through this language the heart expresses itself with the echo of its enigmatic language." "Is that clear?" "We followed their tracks but it was no good." "We're in the heart of the jungle." "I fear that all hope is vain." "Don't worry so, Sir." " If those 2 idiots get rescued, there'll be reason for worry." "No worries then." "The jungle is unforgiving especially to imbeciles." "We'll return with an amazing documentary!" "And with 5 million, Professor, we could..." "If we had a topographic map everything would be easier." "I've that map." " Then we're good to go." "Let's see it." " That's my specialty!" "All right then... now... keep straight, then go right, then go left..." "And there's the exit." "After the exit we'll be in the Piazza Del Duomo." "Is that what you see on your map?" " Yes, Ma'am." "But this is a map of Milan!" " I know but it's still a map!" "How can we get our bearings?" "Bearings?" "Bearings?" "But that's my specialty!" "We get our bearings with a compass." " You have a compass?" "No, but we soon will have." "Yes, I went to night school for getting bearings." "Look:" "Horse sense!" "North." "South." "West." "East." "Did you find the way?" "No!" "What do you see?" "I see the sea!" "The sea!" "Did you get that?" "I see the sea!" "Totò!" "Totò!" "Here I am!" "Totò!" "Miss Laura!" " Totò!" "Totò!" " Totò!" " Totò!" "Totò!" "Totò!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" " Yeah, yeah!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "Tatu!" "The Evil Spirit has led you to our land." "But I don't know squat!" "Can you tell me why you're weaning those unauthorized horns?" "They're a symbol of my dignity." " Really?" "Here they're a symbol of dignity?" "Why does the Spirit of Joy enter you?" "No, I was just thinking..." "of something." "Come to the Great Chief!" "Give honor to the Great Chief." " Yes, Sir." "Great Chief, he is a navigator from savage lands beyond the salt water." "Before the great night star appears, the savage who has dared to cross the salt water to offend the maiden who will marry the Great Chief within 2 moons, must sleep the eternal sleep!" "Agatino!" "You!" "I expected to meet you again, but not in these conditions." "How are you here?" " You ask me?" "After your escape, I'd be crazy to stay with that villain Smith." "The Great Chief wants to marry Laura within 2 moons!" "2 moons!" "That ugly mug!" "Great Chief, shall we stew them or cook them with salmì?" " White wine." "You know I'm on a diet." "What's going on?" "It's time to eat!" "Dinner time!" " Eat?" " Yes, dinner!" "Nice party, eh?" "Really nice." "What's for dinner?" "Fish?" " No." "Meat." "Ah!" "Today is meat!" "Before the stars light up the sky, you'll talk no more." "Why, if I may ask?" "Will they sound for silence?" "Just a moment!" "I have to send a postcard home!" "...the interested parties could not come to an agreement." "In the Sports Palace, the bantamweight title will be challenged." "It'llbedifficulttopredictbecause Ercolini, who has beaten Armandi,  hasbeenplaced..." " ..." "Veggie market has had a great run." "Together with the giant cabbage, the fresh peas of Menaglia have sold,  while the giant pears from Orione have flooded the market." "Thepaper"LaFonte"will publish the winners of the city's smallest feet." "Regarding this contest, a radio listener writes seekinginformationon thejudges..." "You who are master of all magics, how do you hold so many people in such a little thing?" "It's nothing." "I'm capable of putting all of you inside of it." "No!" "No!" "The Great Chief will celebrate the night star by naming you the tribe's head wizard." "OK, I accept." "Contract in my hand and pay in advance!" "The Great Chief doesn't understand." "All the world's the same:" "mention money and nobody understands!" "Well, in any case:" "# I'm the number one wizard!" "Why did you run away?" " I didn't." "I was captured like you." "What joy!" "Great Chief, the Evil Spirit wants to take away your bride, born of the river." "I fled the Professor Smith's camp because I realized what a villain he was." "I wanted to save myself." "And I thought..." "What?" " Oh, nothing." "Personal business!" "The stars want you to kill the Evil Spirit." "Great Chief!" "You cannot kill him." "He is a master of all magics." "The Great Chief won't kill him because that is your wish." "But the stranger must fight a duel with the Great Chief." "What do I care about life?" "I laugh at death!" "I scorn it!" "Don't you know the jungle spirits have decided for you both a Polynesian duel?" "Ah, Polynesian style!" " You know it?" "No!" " I'll slap you..." "The Polynesian duel takes place throughout the jungle using any weapon, any cunning, to the last drop of blood!" "Last blood?" " Yes." " I can't." " Why not?" " I'm anemic." "Ah, yeah!" "Go 300 steps without turning." " Can't I go more?" "I'll take a little walk." "About 20 miles or so." "Shut up and listen!" "The spirits of the jungle thirst for white victims." "These spirits are quite demanding!" " Go!" "Watch the hands!" "I don't like to be manhandled!" "Little Giant, we have trod the savannah to the lake of the crocodiles for 2 months." "And the spirits haven't found for us a white for the sacrifice." "When will we impale that white?" "You know for our yearly peace with the Great Giant tribe requires a white offered up for the exchange of prisoners." "And who says there's no white about?" "Look!" "There's one!" "We give thanks to the good spirits." "Where are you going?" " Stop!" " Don't move!" "Evil spirits compel you!" "Excuse me, I didn't want to interrupt." "But you're sent from heaven!" "Can I help?" "Looking for something?" "What are you looking for?" "We're looking for a contemptible white." "Go!" "Dress the stranger for the sacrifice." "Bring him to the white sun child so he can be strong again." "By the way, I'd like some eggnog." "With so many eggs, maybe ostrich?" "Why should you laugh?" "Like you're cute!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "My theory is correct!" "Darwin was right!" "Here, take this, friend." "The white scientist gives you this as a gift." "Excuse me, if I may..." "He wishes to be offered up to the Gigantic Tribe as a peace offering." "Say what!" "Know that I am at war with a tribe." "Every 60 moons there's a truce for 3 days." "Provided that we exchange two men to be sacrificed." "Why should I care?" " We're sacrificing you!" "Me?" "I've already sacrificed enough!" "The great good spirits have chosen you." "We were going to send him." "But you're going in his place." "Because that old white man must cure our illnesses." "He is a child of the sun." "You're a child of the sun too." " Yes!" "Dad would always bark at the moon!" "You'll die!" " No!" "Bad!" "Bad!" "Bad!" "Oh, Great Chief, we have in our hands another stranger." "We can offer him to the Little Giant to celebrate the 3 day truce." "You have spoken, oh, master of all magic!" "Great Chief, all is ready." "At your sign, we'll depart to meet the Little Giant tribe for the exchange." "Let's go!" "Health and peace." " Health, peace and prosperity." "Health, peace, prosperity, etc, etc." "This wretch is yours, if you give me the pale daughter of the stream." " No!" "In return for this man, I can offer you another stranger and 50 arrows." "50 arrows?" "But I'm in favor of disarmament!" "You accept?" " I accept." "One moment!" "I, nah-nah, don't accept." "The pole yet waits for you!" " The pole?" "No!" "Shoo!" "Shoo!" "Not me!" "This'll be an unforgettable celebration." "This'll be an unforgettable celebration." "When will your wedding be with the sacred daughter of the stream?" "This very day." "Little Giant, my friend, who gave you such a nice gift?" "I took it from a malignant spirit trapped in a white body." "Little Giant, I'd like to adorn my neck for the wedding." "Sacred One, the stranger with the long beard needs it." "No!" "The stranger with the long beard?" "Is this stranger alive?" "Yes, Divine One." "I haven't killed him because he cured me." "We must find a way to get out of this." " Yes." " I found out my father is alive." "Your father?" "A little old gentleman, very old?" "With two arms?" "Two legs?" "And a long white beard?" "Oh, yes, that's him." "Careful, they see us." " See us?" "More like hang us!" "Did you see him?" " He measured my head with forceps, with a thermostat, with a phonograph." "With whatever you call this here?" "He also gave me these trinkets." "Where did I put them?" "Ah, here they are!" "A little mirror too!" "It's really him!" "Miss Laura, I must die." "I name you my sole heir." "Here is everything I own." "It's not my fault if I've only useless things." "As usual, I've left my toothbrush at home!" "Don't be sad." "Think of something else!" "Look at the picture." "The constellation Pisces is so nice." "On Thursday the 27th at 6:30 pm, there will be a total eclipse of the sun." "Now you'll die!" "Just a moment!" "Great Chief, you do not know whom you're about to kill." "You're going to kill a man whom all the stars in the universe obey." "You!" "You alone can blacken the sun." "Blacken the sun?" "Nobody in the world can do that!" "Yes." "Only he can do it." "The waters of the stream revealed it to me." "You who are the king of the stars, blacken the sun!" "Did you see that?" "Mere trifles!" "Nothings!" "Whatnots!" "Yes, thanks to the black beard." "And now for my father!" " And Agatino!" "Both!" "Let's go!" "Betrayal!" "The prisoners have escaped!" "Comb the jungle!" "Hurry!" "Dad!" "My daddy!" "No, man doesn't descend from apes." "No." "Yes, yes!" "Man descended from the apes!" "Apes!" "Do something, I beg you." "He must recover his senses." "We'll figure it out later." "We need to scram." "Hurry, the luggage." "Yes, hurry." "Let's go, Dad." "Miss Laura, get the professor away!" "Dad, come on, let's go!" "Run!" "CAYENNE PEPPER" "Run!" "Dad, the river!" "Hurry!" "There he is!" "Shoot!" "Come!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "The missing link, in his fury, plunged in mourning those I loved to call my family." "My fearless collaborator, Laura Berti, sacrificed her young existence to science." "The same fate fell upon two humble and devoted members of the expedition." "The names of the three victims will forever be inscribed in the Pantheon of Science." "Now you can see the dreadful specimen photographed in the wild." "Moron!" "You got the wrong scene!" "People!" "Excuse me!" "Coming through!" "Excuse me!" "Sir, get out of the way!" " I'm a dead man!" "Coming through!" "What are you doing here?" " I'm dead!" "Though, if only I'd known, I had worn black." "Let's scram!" " Damn it!" "One moment, Professor!" "One word!" "Scientific colleagues!" "I have the honor to announce that the missing link, nah-nah, doesn't exist!" "It exists!" " Ah, there he is!" "It doesn't exist!" " Ignorant!" " Laura!" "Laura!" "The missing link doesn't exist!" "Call the police right away on behalf of Professor Smith!" "Have them come right away!" " We're here." "There's a warrant for your arrest and your worthy companions." "It exists!" " No, it doesn't!" "Oh, Laura!" "My daughter!" " Dad!" "Everybody stop!" "Professor Berti is here!" "I want to introduce you to my best friend." "And I point out my worst enemy!" "The man who saved my life!" "This synthetic floral tribute... speaks on my behalf." "Totò!" "What are you doing?" "End" "English subtitles by sineintegral@KG"