"'The year is 1987, 'and NASA launches the last of America's deep-space probes." "'In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William "Buck" Rogers, 'are blown into an orbit which freezes his life support systems 'and returns Buck Rogers to Earth" "'500 years later.'" "(Man) 'Ship stabilised at one-quarter power.'" " Advance to half power." " Roger." "Advancing to half power." "(Erratic whirring)" "I'm getting severe vibrations." "I'm losing it." "I'm losing it!" "So much for hero number seven, isn't it, Kane?" "We'll have to message my father for more posthumous medals." "There is nothing wrong with my design." "Of course not." "Except that it kills our best pilots because no one can fly it." " Cancel the programme." " Your father would never agree." "Sit down!" "I know what my father would agree to." "Because the Terrans have insulted me," "I'm allowed to destroy any city on Earth that I wish." "Without this programme, Princess, it will be impossible to penetrate Terran defences." "Then stop talking and find someone who can fly your hatchet fighter." "Perhaps you." "No." "Not you." "But there is a man who would be ideal." "But Buck Rogers would never agree." "We don't need his permission." "We have lab 23." "Hmm." "Once we have a prototype, we can improve on the model." "That I seriously doubt." "It's beautiful, Twiki." "What exactly is it?" "Bidibidibidibidi." "Just what you ordered - a ping-pool table." "Ping-pool?" "I ordered a Ping-Pong table." "Pool's a different game." "Bidibidibidibidi." "There was a page missing from the construction manual." "Somewhere between pong and pool, right?" " What is Ping-Pong, Buck?" " It's a terrific game." "Two, four people - excuse me, entities - can play." "You hit the ball over the net with those two paddles." "Oh, I see." "Maybe." " Bidibidibidibidi." "Why, Buck?" " Why?" "Because it's a game." " How quaint." " Well, let's play it." "You get an idea how it works when you see it in action." " I doubt that." " Get over there." "Pick up the paddle." "I'll hit the ball over the net to you, you hit it back." "OK?" "If you say so." "If the ball doesn't go over the net, you lose a point." " Ready?" " Mm-hm." "(Twiki) An ace, Buck." "It didn't go over the net." "I won!" "That was easy." "What's next, Buck?" "(Bleep)" " Dr Huer." " 'Is Colonel Deering there?" "'" " Right here, sir." " 'Please report to my office.'" " Right away, sir." " 'Buck, you might find this interesting too.'" "(Bleep)" "Come on, Twiki." "(Doors whooshing)" "(Steady beeping)" "Our probes picked it up in our solar system." "Like a letter from home." "No of fence but it just looks like antique space junk." " Can I look inside?" " Yes, if you like." "Good heavens, there's an astronaut." " Who could it be, Buck?" " I can't be sure." "That ship was flying recon in my time." "We might have trained together at NASA." "I'd like to take a ship up there." "Of course." "Take Twiki in case you have trouble with the airlock." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Our records show no further launches after yours, Captain Rogers." "Your records have been off before." "Buck's right." "There's a capsule up there with an astronaut aboard." " Come on, Twiki, let's move it." " Bidibidi." "Oh, boy." "Use caution, Captain Rogers." "Prepare for docking." "Easy does it." "Ha!" "Nothing to it." "Is it safe to open this?" "Bidibidibidibidi." "It is if you push green-green-red-green." "Something must be wrong." "Maybe it's stuck." "Can you get it open?" "You got it, boss." "Theo was right - it's a trap." "Let's go." " What's going on?" " Looks like we're about to take a trip." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Question is, where?" "Captain Rogers." "How good of you to drop by." "Great costume." "Going trick-or-treating?" "Defiance." "I always liked that in a man." " Did you like my invitation?" " I was swept away by emotion." "Leave us." "Shall I order the ambuquad disassembled?" "Bidibidibidibidi." "You ever have two broken arms, buster?" "No." "I'd like Captain Rogers' visit to be a pleasant one." "A friendly ear in a strange place is such a comfort." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Put me down, you big ox." "Now that we're alone, Captain... why don't we make ourselves comfortable?" "A toast." "To friendships old and new." "All right, what have you got up your sleeve this time?" "Why, nothing but myself, Captain." "Terrific." "The Defense Directorate is gonna send a rescue squad." "Granted - when they discover you're missing and when they figure out where you are." "By then, you'll have fulfilled your mission here." "My mission?" "We have been through this." "We have irreconcilable differences, remember?" "No, I don't." "Let's make the most of your time here, shall we?" " Kane, is lab 23 ready?" " Yes, Princess." "Excellent." "We'll be there immediately." "Come with me, Buck." "I have someone I want you to meet." "An old friend." "I doubt a nice guy like me would know anybody here." "On the contrary, Buck, you both have a lot in common." "Kane." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Holy cow." "That's you, Buck." "Captain Buck Rogers, meet Captain Buck Rogers." "Something you made in crafts class?" "Alloy skeleton, vat-grown protoplasm, the Empire's most sophisticated minicomputer for a brain, zygot mark one, which will..." "That's enough, Kane." "Fascinating likeness." "Except I'm alive." "So shall he be." "Once he's programmed to your neural responses, we'll have a Captain Buck Rogers superior to the original." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Once a dummy, always a dummy." "Shall we ready him for the neural duplicator?" "(Twiki) Run for it, Buck." "(Man over PA) 'Alert, alert." "Intruder in sector B." "'Alert.'" "(Buck straining)" "You would be advised to remember you are only needed undamaged until the neural duplication is complete." "And you would be advised to keep your guards under control." "Captain Rogers is not to be harmed." "Yes, Princess." "(Huer) 'Starfighter 1314, this is New Chicago command.'" "Come in, Buck." "There's something wrong." "I'm gonna check out his starfighter." "Very well." "But be careful." "(Ardala) You look reasonably comfortable." "It's not a sport coat and slacks but it will do." "It's a neural capacitance suit." "Do tell." "Why am I wearing it?" " You have something we want." " I'm not feeling very generous." "Everything you've ever experienced is recorded in the neural cells of your magnificent body." "This suit duplicates those neural memories." "I pass." "Negative." "No, thanks." "Not today, Princess." "Don't be nervous, Buck." "It's totally painless." "I just don't want your machine tiptoeing through my memories." "Enough talk." "Begin the search." "Pleasant dreams, Captain." "Ardala, I said no." "If you touch that machine, I'll..." "You'll what?" "Anaesthetise him." "(Whirring)" "There." "His military experience." "Lock on that." "Record the patterns." "We found the ship." "Buck and Twiki are gone and so is the capsule." "Then they must have boarded it." "Begin a grid pattern search." "Acknowledged." "Deering out." "Any data from that robot probe, Doctor?" "The probe recorded a ship's arrival at those coordinates" " Buck's shuttle." "20 minutes later, the probe logged a departure from that area." "The capsule." "Its power should have been exhausted a century ago." "Display." "This is an electromagnetic pattern, the fingerprint of the capsule's drive." "Any known pattern?" "This read-out is characteristic of the Draconian Imperial drive units." "They match." "That wasn't a space relic, it was an Imperial trap." "What have they done with Buck?" "What's going on?" "That's not very neighbourly." "As a matter of fact, it's not even friendly." "His reaction times are twice that of Draconian norms." "It's incredible." " Not as incredible as my zygot." " I seriously doubt that." "If you doubt me, why aid me?" "Because it amuses me, Kane." "We have enough data." "Terminate the illusion." "(Ardala) 'Bravo, Captain.'" "You fooled me, Ardala, but fighting holograms isn't like the real thing." "On the contrary." "We created situations which are twice as a critical as the real thing." "We recorded your marvellous responses." "My zygots will be most appreciative." "Guards, take Captain Rogers back to his cell." "He must be very tired." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Why are they doing this?" "They're programming that zygot to be me, then sending it to Earth." " Why, Buck?" "What are they trying to do?" " I wish I knew." "Your father should be pleased with your addition to his suggestion that we destroy New Chicago." "Yes." "It will be much easier once we do away with that stuffy Dr Huer and that detestable Colonel Deering." "You are truly your father's daughter." " Everything is ready." "Shall we go?" " Not yet." "Bring Rogers to me." " What for?" " You are not to question my orders, Kane." " Ever." " Yes, Princess." " You sent for me?" " I did indeed." "Make yourself comfortable." "I need to make a decision, Buck." "And I need your help." " Another test?" " Not exactly." "Not everything has to be work." "Some things are simply pleasure." "I may be a Draconian princess but I still have feelings." "If I told you that I'd adjusted to the idea that our relationship was one-sided, that your feelings for me would never be as intense as my feelings for you," "would you simply be my consort?" "Not your husband?" "No." " Not your slave?" " No, Buck, never." "I'm sorry." "I can't." "But how can you reject me?" "I'm a Draconian princess." "Buck, look at me." "Am I so horrible?" "Am I not beautiful enough for you?" " You're a very beautiful woman." " Then why can't you love me?" "I can't change my feelings simply because you want me to." "But how do you know?" "You've never tried." "Love isn't something that two people can try to make happen." "They either have something special or they don't." "And we don't, Ardala." "I'm sorry." "Captain Buck Rogers." "You think you're so special." "One of a kind." "Well, I have an answer for that." "If I can't have you one way, I'll have you another." "Hey, Princess." "How you doing?" "Who's this clown?" "That's right, you're me." "What's happening?" "Listen, I'm looking forward to meeting Wilma Deering, she is one sharp chick." " There goes my reputation." " You can't talk that way about me." "You're good." "But I'm good too." "Remember, I have your mouselike reflexes." " Mouselike?" " Correction - catlike." "He's a real winner." "When does he learn to walk and chew gum at the same time?" "Out!" "Out!" "Your wish is my command." "Gentlemen, please be careful." "After all, I am the master mould." "Take it easy, Princess." "Brick walls do not a castle keep." "Oh, shut up." "(Low bleeping)" "I believe I have located Twiki on board the Draconian ship." "(Low bleeping)" "Yes." "Those are his EM transmissions." "They're close enough to get a tight beam through." "(Huer) 'Twiki?" "'" "Bidibi." "Bidibi." "Bidibidibidibi." "'Can we use you as a relay to Buck?" "'" "Bidibidibidibidi." "Take me, I'm yours." "Buck?" "Buck, Wake up." " Hm." "What?" " 'Buck, wake up.'" " 'Buck." "Wake up, Buck.'" " Must've been dreaming." " Thought I heard Dr Huer." " 'You did.'" "Twiki, will you stop playing games?" "'This isn't a game, this is Dr Huer.'" " It is you." " 'Are you all right?" "Can you report?" "'" "Excellent." "They've finally gotten through." "But don't let Rogers reveal our plan." "I don't have all the pieces yet but I think they've found a way to..." "We're getting distortion from solar flares." "Can you get out of your cell?" "I can try." "What then?" "'Wilma's half a parsec from the mother ship.'" "I'll be right there." "I hope." "'Good luck." "Twiki, returning control to you." "Thank you.'" "Bidibidibidibidi." "I feel funny." "Never mind that." "If you get that door open, we'll be going home." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Sure." " Are the men in position?" " Yes, Princess." "The magic touch." " Let's go, Twiki." " Let's go, Buck." "Come on." " (PA) 'Alert, alert." "Intruder in sector B.'" " Let's go." "'All security guards report to your stations." "Code three." "'Repeat." "All security guards report to your stations.'" "Bidibidibidibidi." "Where are you, Buck?" "Buck?" "Hey, wait for me." "Wait in the storage room while I pre-flight the ship." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Uh-oh." "I think I'm in trouble." "(Groaning)" "Bidibidibidibidi." "Buck, what happened?" "Captain Buck Rogers calling Earth Defense Directorate." "Come in." "(Wilma) 'ls that you, Buck?" "' (Buck) 'Big roger." "I'm on my way home.'" "Thank heavens." "You're both safe?" "That's a negative." "Twiki didn't make it." "I'm sorry, Buck." "I'll meet you at the stargate." " Let's go home." " That's a big ten-four." "Why the long face, Captain?" "Buck Rogers is on his way home." "You guys are a sight for stiff eyes." "I'm sorry about Twiki." "We'll program another ambuquad just like him." "But Twiki was Buck's best friend." "It wouldn't be the same, would it?" " Who knows?" "I guess not." " I understand." "I'd forgotten how beautiful you are." "Well, I'm glad to see you too, Buck." "I think." "As you see, Captain, you can be replaced." "Do you feel better now?" "That zygot was just the first." "There will be three more and they are all programmed to destroy New Phoenix." "Using your neural patterns and our hatchet fighters, they'll slip through Earth's defences like they're not there." "You can watch the attack - after all, you are the star, all three of you." "And the prototype is armed with a one-kilotonne nuclear device which is programmed to detonate when he's with New Chicago's three top leaders." "(Clears throat)" "Buck, are you all right?" "Sure." "Hi, Wilma." " Thinking of Twiki?" " Twiki?" "Oh, yeah, I'm really at the dumps about him." "You haven't been taking care of your plants." "Plants?" "That's right, I like plants, don't I?" "Buck, what's wrong?" "I saw something important on the Draconian ship." "It could help us." " What is it?" " I'm not sure, I was doped up." "Let's get together with Huer and Theopolis to discuss it." "As soon as Dr Huer comes back from inspecting the defences, we'll meet." "Great." "It'll be very explosive stuff." "Yeah." "(Electrical buzzing)" "(Men shouting)" "Bidibidibidibidi." "Ready?" "Ready as I'll ever be." "(Groaning)" "You guys fighting or dancing?" "You're insulting a Draconian soldier, Earth trash." "Is that what you call yourselves?" "I'd show you how to use those but you probably bruise easily." "Besides, I like a good fight." "Earth trash, come feel the sting of a Draconian soldier's stun stick." "Bidibidibidibidi." "That smarts." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Nice work, champ." "They never laid a glove on you." "Some days the magic works." "Bidibidibidibidi." "And some days it doesn't." "Do you still think your Buck Rogers will be better than the real man?" "These are Imperial combat weapons, not my Buck Rogers, and they can do anything he can only twice as well." "Really?" "Bidibidibidibidi." "(Laughs) That tickles, Buck." "A-ha." "I knew it." "They had you bugged." "That's how they knew we were trying to escape." "Bidibidibidibidi." "No wonder I felt so funny." "Yeah." "(Sighs) Now we can figure a way to sabotage the duplicating machines" " without them listening in." " Do you have a plan?" "An idea." "I'm the master mould, right?" "A flawed mould means ruined models." "I just can't figure out a way to flaw me." "Bidibidibidibidi." "If you were a computer, I could short-circuit you." " That's it." " What's it?" "If you sent a small current through my body it would jangle my neural responses." "Bidibidibidibidi." "And curl your hair too." "And it could give Kane and Ardala some shocking results." "Bidibidibidibidi." "All right." "Ready, Buck?" "I'm receiving strange synaptic responses, like he's been drinking Antaerian brandy." "Nonsense, Kane." "Continue programming the Captain's clones." "Perhaps I've been too harsh with you, Kane." "Yes, much too harsh." "I'm glad somebody else noticed." "I thought I was crazy." "No, not at all." "He's just not the same Buck Rogers." " It's almost as if his spirit is missing." " Yes." " It's so strange." " A possibility." "Psychosurgery while a prisoner." "That's conceivable." "Which would mean..." " Hi, gang, what's going up?" " Hi, Buck." "Correction." "Should read, "What's coming down?"" "Wilma, Dr Huer," "Dr Theopolis, we're finally all together." "(Man over PA) 'Red alert, red alert." "Evacuate level three.'" " What is it, Doctor?" " Sensors detect a Draconian bomb." "The radiation profile indicates explosion is imminent." " Where is it?" " A search is being conducted." " What are you doing here?" " The bomb is in this room." "It's right here." " Excuse me, sir." " Detonation minus five seconds." "Four, three," " two, one..." " Wilma." "Bomb destroyed." "End red alert." "(PA) 'Red alert terminated.'" " It wasn't Buck, it was a robot." " Yes." "Doctor, put all Earth units on full wartime alert." "We just don't know when Ardala will make her next move." "Well, looks like the end of the line for Rogers the robot, Ardala." "Kane, your zygot doesn't have what it takes." "That was only the prototype." "The production models are far superior." "Tests prove that they are capable of defeating any Earth unit, despite your childish attempt to sabotage our programming." "Captain Rogers appears worried." "Perhaps for once you've got something." "We are ready to strike." "Shall I give the order?" "Patience, Kane, dear." "First, send the zygots to my chambers." "I wish to inspect them personally." "You see, Buck, with three Buck Rogers, you become, shall we say, redundant?" "At ease, Captains Rogers." "Make yourselves at home." "I've waited a lifetime for this moment." "Not quite yet." "Be patient." "Join me." " That sounds intense." " I intend it to be." "Maybe later." "I'm into my own space right now." "Typical bomber driver." "Doesn't know how to handle anything." " Including a woman." " How would you handle a woman?" "Easy on the controls, pre-flight her real slow while you're waiting for clearance." "There was one honey at Clark when I was flying F-16s." "Gently." "She was fine." "But those F-16s, they were really sweet." "I remember one mission..." "What can she conceivably do with three Buck Rogers for an hour and a half?" "Weasel said there was a SAM-12 on my tail so I hit right rudder..." " Hold it, fly boy." " What?" " What about the woman?" " What woman?" " I'm talking about F-16s." " I know." "I know." "For two hours." " There's more to life than flying, Princess." " What did you have in mind?" "Soft music, slow dancing." " What's the matter, Princess?" " Leave me alone." "Leave me alone." " Buck?" " What do you want, Ardala?" "Nothing." "Never mind." "I am Princess Ardala." " Kane." " Yes, Princess?" "Those zygots, they had better know something about fighting." "Launch the attack against Earth immediately." "As you wish, Princess." "Earth is defenceless against you." "And now, my zygots, your instructions." "Two of you will engage the Earth starfighters and keep them at bay." "A third will avoid all combat and obliterate New Phoenix with an antimatter bomb." "For the Empire." "(All) For the Empire." " OK, Twiki, you got it?" " Bidibidibidibidi." "Sounds like a real long shot." "How was your party?" "The zygots were launched ten minutes ago." "Soon New Phoenix will be a memory." "She never answered my question." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Party must've been a bust." "Poor Ardala." "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." "Bride." "Bride." "Bride." " What's the matter with you?" " Who, me?" "Me." "Me." "Another zygot." "I've been deceived." "You know, Twiki, sometimes you almost feel sorry for princesses." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Almost." "Let's truck, Buck." "Bidibi." "Bidibi." "Bidibidibidibidi." "(Beep)" "Come on." "(Low beeping)" " Here it is, it's coming in now." " Hatchet fighters." "The first wave of Ardala's attack." "Scramble all squadrons." "Section oboe-3." "Lead the first squadron." "Intercept those fighters and destroy them." "Yes, Doctor." "He's escaped in one of your fighters masquerading as a zygot." " Impossible." " But it's a zygot in the cell." "The read-outs from those ships... no human would register a positive electrostatic pulse." "(Bleeping)" "This way, Twiki." "Bidibidibidibidi." "The fool will never make it." "The port's closing, Buck." "Hang on, it's gonna be a tight squeeze." "Something's wrong." "Even my zygots can't control a ship at that speed." "There is no error." "It's impossible to capture him now." "He's on an intercept with our attack force." " That's just fine." " Fine?" "What do you mean, fine?" "What can one Buck Rogers possibly do against three?" "We shall see, Kane." "We shall see." "Echo element, deploy as high squadron." "Victor element, fingers four." "'Any Earth station, this is Buck Rogers." "Emergency.'" " Buck?" "Is that you?" " 'Yeah, it's me.'" "Running half a light second behind three more of me." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Here comes the cavalry, Wilma." " Twiki!" "It really is you, Buck." " 'I think so.'" "You're about to meet three fast, nasty ships, piloted by duplicates of me." " 'What are your tactics, Buck?" "' - 'Don't close." "Don't let them on your tail.'" "They'll try to bounce you from behind." "I'm on my way." "They're all over us." "We can't hold." "Alert." "One of them has broken through." " Objective?" " New Phoenix." "(Zygot) 'OK, Buck Rogers, looks like I win this time." "'One more second and no more New Phoenix." "'No, you don't.'" "Hang tough, Wilma." "Two down, one to go." "It's your turn to go." "Gimme your best shot." "All right, catch." "Boring, Buck." "Boring." " Which way you gonna break?" " Just keep your eyes open, son." " Which one?" " (Beeping)" "Which one?" "Bidibidibidibidi." "Way to go, Wilma." "You should have known your plan was destined to fail." "The plan was flawless." "It was the execution that failed." "Kane, it was doomed from the start, believe me." "There's only one Buck Rogers." "Now that is a Ping-Pong table." "Bidibidibidibidi." "I liked the ping-pool better." "Interesting, yes." " I must say, it's very interesting." " Wanna play?" "Oh, I think not." "Come on, I'll show you the ropes." "It's easy." "Ball." "Paddle." "You hit the ball over the net with the paddle." "Here we go again." " Er, am I holding it correctly?" " That's just fine." "When I hit the ball to you, you hit it back." "OK?" "You ready?" "Here we go." "He-hey." "Ooh." " Not bad for a beginner." " Rather." "Quite good, actually." "Here we go again." "If I didn't know better, I'd think I was being hustled." "Hustled?" "What's hustled?" "Listen, Doc, I'm beat." "I feel like something the dog dragged in." "Bidibidibidibidi. "Cat" dragged in, Buck." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Uh-oh." "There's something fishy going on here, folks." "Dr Huer, it sounds like..." "A zygot malfunction." "It can't be." "It just can't be." " Gotcha." " Ah." "(Laughs)"