"Hello, goodness." "Get yourself a package of Dorman's Endigo, the cheese with the paper between the slices." "Bad news for those planning to play golf this weekend." "Yes, I'm afraid that is right." "You may get rained out." "37 degrees, the temperature right now, under cloudy skies." "The wind is north at ﬁve miles." "The sun rose at 6:02." " The sun will set tonight at 6:07." " There are two stories that tie in with what we were talking about earlier this morning in which we noted that this is St. Joseph's Day and the swallows are coming back to Capistrano." "I thought it was the buzzards going back to Hinckley, Ohio." "No, that took place on Sunday and then the swans came to Traverse City, Michigan." "Here are two stories, one from Carlisle, En gland, where ofﬁcials of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals say that today they ﬁnally learned why a group of seagulls were walking about with what is described as a wobble" "and could not fly." " They've got wobbling seagulls in England?" " Yes." "A spokesman for the society said the gulls were drunk on the waste thrown out onto the street by an amateur winemaker." "Couple of times a day, we have the pleasure of presenting" "Carol Wrighter for your entertainment." "If you were born between July 22nd and August 21st, your astrological sign is Leo." " And here is your forecast for today." " All right, all you Leos out there, please and delight one of your own clan who has the blues or is not sure how to tackle a worry facing them." "Present arrangements can be improved to have more comfort at home." "Think how to handle a ticklish situation so that everyone will be satisﬁed." "And if you're born under the sign of Virgo, get into a serious huddle with your usual allies." "You are listening to Rambling with Gambling here at WOR Radio in New York." "We have Marian..." "Get out of here!" "Gordon, you shouldn't do that." "Always trying to cheer me up." "It's time to get up." "You almost scared me to death." ""Almost" doesn't count." "Gordon, get me my slippers." "Oh, my..." "You're such a silly boy, always teasing your momma." "Where's Poppa?" "Still dead." "Don't talk fresh." "Where is he?" "Come on, will you?" "You want me to help you or not?" "I'm late." "You're a good boy, Gordon." "What happened to that lady with the white shoes?" "She always dressed me nice." "She quit." "She was a good dresser, but she never let me wear her white shoes." " That's why I hid them in the toidy." " That's why she quit." "I fell down, Gordon." "What the hell is that?" "Gordon." "Yes." "I gotta get my roots touched up." "What happened to that lady touched up my roots so good?" "She used to pinch me." "She didn't pinch you." "You pinched her." "Yeah, that's right." "I liked to pinch her." "That's why she quit." "This is a blue dress." "I wanna wear my red dress today." "Why?" "This one is Poppa's favorite." "Yeah." "You know, it shows off my figure." "Yeah." "It's so beautiful!" "This isn't my red dress." "It is so." "Yeah?" "It's so big on me." "All your clothes are too big for you." "You're shrinking." "You're getting smaller every day." "You say, when you left the apartment this morning, your mother was all right." "That's right, Officer." "She was fine." " She was gone when you got back?" " That's right." "Disappeared." "People just don't disappear." " What do you suppose happened to her?" " I think the dog ate her." " Don't give me any of that bullshit." " No, I'm serious." "When I got home today, I found the dog in the kitchen, there was a red dress hanging out the corner of his mouth." "And what does that prove?" "My mother was wearing that dress when I left this morning." "Is that the alleged dog?" "Yep." "It's just the way I found him." "How the hell can a dog eat an old lady?" "You see, Officer, she'd been shrinking a lot lately, and she really wasn't much bigger than a rabbit." "Just about one good bite for the dog." "Okay." "I'll have to take him downtown and book him." "Whatever you say, Officer." "You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer any questions." "Do you understand?" "Gordon!" "I'm hungry!" "Mom." "To keep you company, how would you like a nice, big dog?" "I don't like dogs." "I like canaries." " Bert!" "Come here, Bert." " Where are you, Ernie?" " I'm right here in my bathtub." " I see." "Okay, Ernie." "What is it now?" "What is it now?" "I am here in my tubby, Bert." "That means I'm going to wash myself." "Gordon!" " You forgot my breakfast." " I'm going to wash myself, and while I do, you're going to pretend you are washing yourself." " I am?" " Of course you are." "That's what all the boys and girls listening are going to do." " Are you ready, Bert?" " Look, no, Ernie, I don't..." "Good!" "And are all you kids ready?" "Good." "Okay." "Everybody wash!" "Everybody wash your hands!" "Everybody wash your face." "Gordon." "You know I like it cut six pieces." "Everybody wash your tummy." " Okay, Bert, you take the next one." " My turn?" "Yep, you do it." "Everybody wash your heels." " Your heels, Bert?" " Yeah, it is fun." "Okay." "Everybody wash your kneecaps." " Your kneecap, Bert?" " Your kneecaps, both of them." "Okay." "Here we go." "Everybody wash your thumbs." " We did that when we did the hands, Bert." " No." "Okay." "Everybody wash your, here it comes, big toe." " That's a good one, Bert." " I like that." "Now, everybody wash your everything." "Such a nice boy." "Thursday?" "That's my day off." "And Sunday, I never work Sunday." "Can you start on Friday?" "I'll think about it." "When can you let me know?" "I can't leave my mother without a nurse." "I said I'll think about it." "Good day." "Miss Morgiani." "What is it?" " Is there anyone else out there?" " Yes." "I was about to send her in." "Would you step in, please?" "Please sit down." "My name is Mr. Hocheiser." "Not a chance." "I'm not going back there." "Back where?" " To that crazy mother of yours." " She's no trouble now." " Is she dead?" " No." "Then forget it." "Do you require references?" "For what?" "For the job." "The ad didn't say." "I can get references, but I don't think they'll be very good." "You don't need references." "I don't?" "They usually require references." "I don't require references." "I don't require anything." " When can you start?" " Right away." "The sooner the better." "It's an easy job." "You'll love it." "I hope so." "I don't have much experience." "It doesn't matter." "In fact, I'm afraid I'm not very good." "Most of my patients have died." "That's okay." "I don't mind." "You don't?" "You mean you want me?" "Yes!" "What's the matter?" "Please forgive me." "This is the first nice thing that's happened to me since my marriage." "You're married?" "Divorced." "How long were you married?" "Thirty-two hours." " What?" " Thirty-two hours." "That's not very long." "It was an eternity!" "His name was Leonard Callan, and I thought he was the most wonderful man in the world." "He was a stockbroker." "He was sensitive, sweet, and very kind." "When we talked about sex, he was as shy as I was." "We were both virgins." "You were?" "And when he asked me to marry him, I accepted." "We flew to London for our honeymoon." "Leonard was so sweet." "We drank champagne and we talked, and he didn't try to rush me at all." "And then when we were all relaxed," "we got undressed and he carried me to bed." " I shouldn't be telling this to you." " Of course you should." "We made love." "I'd never experienced anything like it before." "It was wonderful." "I was so happy." "And then," "I rolled over to kiss my wonderful Leonard, and that's when I saw it." "What?" "What did you see?" "He made a caca on the bed." " What?" " I couldn't believe it either." "I said to him, "How could you do such a thing?"" "And do you know what he said?" "He said," ""Doesn't everybody?"" "That son of a bitch!" "He took a dump in the bed!" "I knew I shouldn't have told you this." "Of course you should." "That's how people get to know each other." "I've never told it to anyone before." "I can understand that." "I felt that you'd understand." "I'm glad that you felt that I would." "You're due in court!" "Tanner case." "You better read those briefs." "I'm due in court." "Can you come to my house for dinner tonight?" "I don't know where you live." "I don't even know your name." "Louise." "Every little breeze seems to whisper "Louise"" "The birds in the trees seem to twitter "Louise"" "Each little rose" "Tells me it knows" "I love you" "I love you" "Every little beat that I feel in my heart" "Seems to repeat" "What I felt at the start" "Each little sigh" "Tells me that I adore you" "Louise" "Just to see and hear you" "Brings joy I never knew" "But to be so near you" "Thrills me through and through" "Anyone can see why I wanted your kiss" "It had to be" "But the wonder is this" "Can it be true" "Someone like you" "Could love me" "Louise" "You're late!" "I love you." "I'm late." "All rise!" "Hear ye, hear ye." "This court is now in session." "The Honorable William Bills presiding." "The court is now in order." " Is the prosecution ready?" " Yes, Your Honor." "Is the defense ready?" "Yes, Your Honor." "You may commence." "I waive my opening statement." "I waive my opening statement, Your Honor." " Call your witness." " I call Colonel Warren J. Hendriks." "Col. Warren J. Hendriks, please take the stand." "Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but, so help you God?" " I do." " Be seated." "Now, Colonel, suppose you tell the court what happened on the day in question." "I was lying out on the beach." "A beautiful day out, I thought I'd get myself a suntan." "How the hell can you get a suntan in a full-dress uniform?" "Order!" "I'm sorry, Your Honor." "And that boy over there walked up to me and he said," ""Where's the parade, Admiral?"" "Were those his exact words?" "Yes, sir." "He called me Admiral." "And I said, "Move on, you little punk."" "Your exact words were," ""Move on, you cocksucking draft-dodger."" "Order!" "Young man, I'll have none of that in my court!" "I'm sorry, Your Honor." "We apologize." "It won't happen again." "You may proceed." "Now, after you told the defendant to move on, what happened?" "He called me a creep, sir." "Said I was a no-good, army creep." "I tried to appeal to his patriotic spirit." "He said I was full of shit." " Objection." " Overruled." " You said that?" " Yeah." "That's what he is." "Now, Colonel, how did you feel when the defendant suggested that you were full of shit?" "I took it as an insult, both personally and to the uniform I wear so proudly." "Is that all?" "No, he said that all us career soldiers was the same." "He implied that we wore all those ribbons and things just so we could tell some dumb chick about all the gooks and krauts we killed." "Make them think we're big heroes." "Seems to think we get some thrill going around telling people how many gooks and krauts we killed." "Let me tell you, it's not like that at all." "No, sir." "I killed 40, maybe 50 gooks, some of them with my bare hands." " Be that as it may..." " You can't trust them." "They like to surrender, then sneak up on you when you aren't looking." "I got my first 15 of the little bastards that way." "Colonel, if we could return to..." "They'd drop down from the trees, like they was gonna surrender." "Waving them little white flags." "But they didn't fool me." "No, sir." "I let them walk out there, then when they was all lined up, nice and neat," "I blew their fucking heads off." "They were surprised." "You should have seen them." " Guts, brains, lying all over the place." " Now, Colonel." "One of them came apart, right in the middle." "Top half of him just fell off, his two legs just standing there." "Boy, that was really something." "I think if I'd yelled, "Forward march"" "them two scrawny little legs would have just walked off by themselves." "That's fine, Colonel." "Your Honor, I'd like to request 10 minutes." "I got one of their brains as a souvenir." "Brought it home to my little boy." "He keeps it in a little jar on a shelf in his room." "But I..." "I didn't like killing them." "Not the way that boy thinks." "We all understand the hardships you've been through, Colonel Hendriks." "Little shitbox." "Never even fired a rifle." "Ask him who he ever killed for his country." "Colonel, if we may, just go on with your story." "After he cursed me, him and his friend jumped me, and then that boy over there took off my right shoe and sock and he cut my big toe off." " You never told me that." " I told your secretary." "Why did you cut his toe off?" "I cut his toe off so he wouldn't be fit for duty." "So he wouldn't be able to go back and kill anymore." "I don't need a big toe to kill gooks." "We should have cut your goddamn head off!" " Silence!" " I killed for my country!" "You're a goddamn hypocrite." "I will hold him in contempt of court." "You and assholes like you would dance into the Second World War with big smiles on your faces." "That's right." "Even jerks like you realize you're full of it!" " 30 days for contempt of court!" " You told everybody that war was shit." "We shouldn't kill anymore." ""Peace, bro!" Yeah, we believed you." "We thought you meant it, but what you meant was that anymore war might finish it, right?" "Except after a while, the rest would be okay!" "We're not buying that crap anymore!" "This is the best job I ever had." " Where are we going?" " I don't know." "Gordon." "Gordon, we have our shoes on." "God, Gordon!" " Gordon, what's that banging?" " It's the pipes." "It sounds like somebody banging at the door." " It's just pipes." " Gordon?" " Gordon, somebody's calling your name." " Gordon!" " It's probably my mother." " Your mother?" " She must have woke up." " But why is she banging?" " Sometimes the door sticks." " I should meet her." "Louise, the banging has stopped." "Gordon, I really should meet her!" "Okay, you're right." "Gordon, where is she?" "I think I should warn you." "My mother is old." " I love old people." " Very old." "The older the better." "By "old,"" "I mean, old." "Gordon, if she's your mother, I'll love her." "I'll get her." "Where are you going?" "Gordon?" "Sometimes the door really jams." "Why don't you put on your shoe?" "Right." "They move into the ring now." "The challenger is sparring with a left to the body, a right to the head and another right to the head." " Poppa home yet?" " Not yet." "I hope he doesn't forget to go to the cleaners." "He forgets to pick up his shirts." "Mom." "Mom, there's somebody I want you to meet." "Is it my sister?" "Your sister's gone." "I just spoke to her this morning." "She told me she was coming over." "There's a girl here that I want you to meet." "She's very nice." "I like her very much." "She's going to help me take care of you." " Poppa'll take care of me." " She's not just another nurse, Mom." "It means a lot to me, Mom." "And I want you to know that if you mess this one up for me," "I'm gonna punch your fucking heart out." "Got it?" "Such a nice boy." " This is my mother." " Hello." "It's so nice to meet you." " That's not my sister." " Say hello to Louise." "You told me it was my sister." "What did you do to my sister?" " She's a little absent-minded." " Where's my dinner?" " I'm hungry." " Mother, you already ate." " I want my dinner." " Let her join us." "Gordon, it'll be fun." "We're going to have a nice dinner together." " Who is she?" " I told you." "She's here to help us." " I'm warning you, Ma." " Gordon, you get things started." "We're going to just have a lovely evening." "Who is she?" " I'll tell you all about myself at dinner." " Mother's very tired." "Gordon!" "A place setting for your mother while she and I have a little talk." " You don't understand." " Gordon, don't worry about anything." "Just leave it to me." "I love your mother." "Well!" "Isn't this nice?" "You have a lovely apartment here." "I'm so glad we met." "Who are you?" "Louise." "Louise Callan." "Gordon has been telling me so much about you." "Gordon?" "I know a Gordon." "You must be very proud of your son." "Sidney's a wonderful boy." "I thought his name was Gordon." "That one." "Yes, Gordon." "He's a wonderful boy, too." "I'm sure he is." "Got a pecker this big." "I beg your pardon?" " This big." "Just like his Poppa." " Okay." "Here it is!" "Can't wait till Poppa gets home." " Sorry it took so long." " Everything looks so good." "She's not a big eater." "We're going to be great friends, aren't we?" "Yeah." "What's wrong?" "Maybe she's tired." "Gordon." "Aren't you going to lift her head out of the plate?" "I guess so." " Poppa'll get you for this!" " What's the matter with her?" " She's having a nightmare." " The poor..." " Stay away from me!" "Where's Poppa?" " I warned you, Ma." "I warned you!" " You tramp!" "Where is he?" " Don't call her a tramp." "She's trying to get Poppa away from me!" "Get out of here!" " She doesn't like me!" " She does." "She called me a tramp!" "Poppa?" "I'm hungry!" "Louise?" "Sid, you have 10 minutes." "If you're not here by then, I'm throwing her out the window." "Son of a bitch!" "If you go to your brother's house tonight, you take your bed with you." " Sidney!" " Gladys, he sounded crazy." "He is crazy." "And she's crazy." " Mom, Sheldon's hitting!" " No hitting!" "Let him throw her out the window already." " Ma!" "Danny's biting." " No biting!" " You know, Sidney..." " Gladys, move." " You know you're crazy, too." " Move." "I think you like getting mugged every night." "Will you move?" "No." "Not tonight, Sidney." " I said move." " No." "Ma!" "They're kicking me!" "Get away from that door, or I'm gonna choke your child." "Ma, get away from the door!" "Don't go through the park!" "Evening, Sidney." "Jesus." "Not tonight, fellows." "Really, I'm really in a very big hurry." "I believe we all know the procedures." "I don't have any money on me, I swear it." "I swear, guys." "I don't have..." " it's the same old shit." " Let me at the motherfucker!" " Let me take his motherfucking head off!" " Easy, now!" "Cool it, baby." "Now, look, man." "Every night, you bop through the park here, and every night we run you down." " Now, we're friends, ain't we?" " I certainly hope so." "How come you ain't got no bread with you?" " You always steal it from me." " Now, look, man." " We all gotta make a buck, right?" " That's quite true." "If you expect to bop through this park every night, you've gotta have some bread." "Otherwise, me and my boys might be forced to do you some harm." "Let me rip him!" "I swear, next time I'll bring plenty of money." " You sure, man?" " Yes." "If this happens again, I'm gonna let Muthafucka on your ass." "And Muthafucka likes to tear ass." " Let me tear that motherfucker's ass!" " Cool it!" " We gonna play the game." " Game time!" "What do you mean?" " Remember Cornel Wilde?" " Who?" " Cornel Wilde, the movie actor." " No." "You ever see that movie The Naked Prey?" " I don't think so." " It's like you Cornel." "And you better start praying, 'cause you gonna be naked!" "What do you mean?" "Man, since you didn't bring no bread, we gonna take your clothes and sell them." " Come on." "That's not funny." " Start running." "No, I'm not gonna." "Man, you pandering valuable running time." "You want Muthafucka on your ass?" "God!" "Third, please." "Lady?" "Would you do me a favor." "Ring the third floor, please?" "Thirdo?" "Sorry, lady." "Where the hell were you?" "You know I almost got killed getting here?" "A minute later, you'd be killed by an old lady falling out a window." "What happened this time?" " She messed up my dinner." " That's all?" "Sid, I had a girl up here." "A beautiful girl, who I'll probably never see again." "A girl I've been looking for all my life." "We made plans, Sid, and she fucked it up!" "She's ruining me, Sid." "She takes up all my time." "My practice is going to hell." "My life is going to hell." "I've had it, Sid." "Something has gotta be done!" "What do you want me to do, Gordon?" "I don't want you to do anything, Sid." "I've made up my mind." "I'm gonna put her in a..." "Don't ever say that word, Gordie." "You don't put your mother in a home." " She's got a home." "This is her home." " You call this a home?" "Remember when Poppa was dying, Gordon?" "Please, don't do this." "Remember what we promised him on his deathbed?" "Sid!" " I'm asking you, Sid, don't do this." " "My children." ""Sidney?" ""Gordon?" ""Your father is dying." ""Sidney?" ""When you and Gladys get married," ""promise me you'll name the first boy after me." ""Thank you, Sidney." "And, Gordon," ""promise me you'll finish law school" ""and promise me you'll always take care of your mother," ""and you'll never put Momma" ""in a home."" "You're right, Sid." "I'm not gonna put her in a home." "I'm gonna kill her." "What?" "I'm gonna kill her." "You're right, Gordon." " What?" " Kill her, Gordon." " Kill her?" " What other choice is there?" "It's my fault." "I haven't been fair to you." "I haven't being doing my job as a brother." "All I cared about was my wife and children." "I never thought about you, Gordie." "I'm gonna make you a promise now, and may God strike me blind if I don't keep this promise." "I promise that from now on, I'm gonna think about you." "When you need me, I'll be here." "What happened tonight will never, and I mean never, happen again." "If you have something going here, call me." "I'll take care of Mom." "I'll take her out of the apartment until you're finished." "You're right to want to kill someone." "But kill me, not Momma." "I deserve it." "I screwed up your life." "Give me a chance." "Let me make it up to you." "Thank you, Gordie." "You've made me very happy." "You got something I can wear?" "Taxi!" "Why did you run away?" "Your mother was so frightened and so upset." " I just got afraid that she might die." " You must never worry about that." " Chinese food?" " Yes." "To make up for ruining dinner." " I'll clear the table." " No." "Let me." "I'll get the bowls." "Gordon?" "Do you know what would make me very happy?" "What?" "I'd like to ask your mother to join us." " You're not serious?" " Yes." "But, Louise, you saw what just happened!" "I know, but if she gets to know me, maybe she won't be so frightened of me." " Louise." " And I want her to like me." "No, no." "She likes you fine." " Gordon." " Yes?" "Trust me." "I'll get the food ready." "You get your mother." "I'll get the food and you get my mother." "Okay." "Mrs. Hocheiser?" "Sid?" "Gladys, where's Sid?" "Yes, but he left here 10 minutes ago." "Where the hell is he?" "Listen, Gladys!" "As soon as he comes through the door, tell him to get back over here." "Tell him this is it." "I need him." "Mrs. Hocheiser?" "Gordon, if Poppa comes home and catches you dressed like that, he's going to be very disappointed." "No, Mrs. Hocheiser." "I'm not your son." "My name is Louise." "We met earlier." "Do you remember?" "Stop making an ass of yourself, Gordon." "Get out of that dress." "Sit down." "Watch this." "Sit down!" " Hi, Dad." "Did you get mugged again?" " Shut up!" "The schmuck just called." "He said to tell you he wants you right back there again." " Sidney, you are not going back there!" " Gladys, I have to." " Out of my way, will you?" "I have to change." " No, Sidney!" "I promised." "I made a solemn oath." "Will you move, please?" "If you walk out of this house..." "Gladys, please." "I don't have time to beat up the kids." "I am warning you." "If you go over there..." "Gladys, if I don't go over there, he'll send her here." "Don't change." "Take a cab." "Here's money." "Hurry!" "I hope you like Chinese food." " Don't sit there." " Why?" "Gordon, you know that's Poppa's place." "You're not Gordon." "Why'd you tell me you were Gordon?" "I didn't." "I never did." "This is my son." "You can't fool me." "This is him." "I'd know that tush anywhere!" "Is that a tush!" "There's never been a tush like it." " Ma, will you cut it out?" " What a tush." "Please don't do this." "Ma!" "Don't do this!" " I think I'd better go." " Please don't leave." "She just wants to..." "Please don't..." "She's just trying to embarrass you." "Please." " Cover your tush!" " Louise, don't leave!" "Wait, Louise, wait!" "Louise!" "Wait!" "Motherfucker, where you going?" "Not again, fellows." "Please!" " Can I leave now?" " Leave?" "You can't leave now, Sid." "Why not?" " It's our big club dance." " You're having a dance tonight?" " You're the guest of honor." " Really?" " You must stay, Sid." " Sweetie, I can't." "I really can't." "You motherfucker, you gonna stay." "I'd love to, Muthafucka, but I really have to get going." " We don't want nobody moving around." " What are you doing?" "My brother's waiting." "That's gonna be motherfucking fine." "Wait a minute." "What are you gonna do?" " Rape." " Rape?" "We always rape somebody the night of the big dance." "It's tradition." "It's part of our heritage." "Everybody knows that!" "Fellows, don't do that." "Come on." "Who's going first?" "The guest of honor." " It's you, Sidney." " Me?" " Yeah, baby." " No fooling around!" "Don't do that!" " This your first rape?" " This will be my first." "Don't fool around." "She's got red tights." "Red tights!" "Hot stuff!" " Get going." " Jump on her, man." "I got it!" " Jump on her!" " I got it!" "Now I got it, yeah." "Boy, is that good!" " Hello." " Gordie." "Listen, you promised you'd come when I needed you, you didn't show, so we have nothing to discuss." "Gordie, don't hang up." "I need your help." "I'm in jail." "You gotta get me out." "I'm very tired, Sid." "I haven't slept." "Momma bit me in the ass, and I fell down a flight of stairs." "Later, Gordon." "I'm in big trouble and you gotta help me." "I was on my way over to your place." "I got arrested." "What for?" " Rape." " What?" "Rape!" "Rape?" "Who the hell did you rape?" "Look, it's a long story." "Will you just come down and get me out, please?" "Why would you rape anybody?" "I'll tell you when you get here, please." "I'm at the 68th Street station house." "Hurry, do me a favor." "Thanks a lot." "You could have warned her." "That's the first thing they're gonna ask." "I tried to, but they stopped me!" " Who?" " The guys in the park!" "Before I could do it, they tore her clothes off." " Why didn't you run?" " I couldn't." "They were holding me." "They pushed me on top of her and made me do it." "Then they took off and left me there." "I was arrested." "Who arrested you?" "That's the bad part." "The woman I was raping was a cop." "You raped a cop?" "It's one of those guys that walks around in drag looking for purse snatchers." " Couldn't you tell?" " Not right away!" "It was dark!" "And I was terribly excited." " I think you're in a lot of trouble, Sid." " You think so?" " Where is the arresting officer?" " I don't know." "He was all shook up." "He'd never been raped before." "You the guy that raped the cop in the park?" "He is." "That's my brother." "Here." "These are for you." "What is it?" "I don't think I need your help anymore." "These are from the cop I raped." ""Thank you for a wonderful evening."" "He's not gonna press charges." "He wants me to leave my name and my phone number with the guard." "Gordie." "Do you think I should leave my phone number?" "That's it, Sid." "I can't depend on you anymore." "Long-stemmed roses." "I'll spend the rest of my life with a potato." "I never got flowers from anyone." "Such a nice man." "Pull over, driver." "A real human being." "Get out, Sid." " What?" " I said, "Get out."" "Would you like a rose?" "You son of a bitch!" "Why'd you do it?" "I hope Momma never dies, you putz!" "Where to?" "Take me to the courthouse." "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, look at that old woman." "How would you like to come home every night and find a potato sitting in your living room?" "A vegetable sharing your apartment with you?" "Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury," "I respectfully request that this old woman be sentenced to spend the rest of her natural life locked in a toilet." " Coach Williams, you were hired by the..." " Memphis Maulers football team." "Memphis Maulers professional football team." " That's right." "As the head coach." " Head coach." "Did you have a contract to coach?" "That's right." "For $40,000 a year!" "For three years!" "That's correct." " You haven't been paid!" " That's right." "Why weren't you paid, Coach Williams?" "They fired me!" "Why did they do that?" "For no reasons!" "I told you that." "That's why I hired you!" "Mr. Hocheiser." "Your Honor, Coach Williams..." "Coach Williams." "Yeah." "What kind of a football team did you bring to Memphis?" "A special hand-picked one." " Hand-picked?" " That's right." "They were about nine or 10 years old." " Nine or 10 years old?" " That's right." "Where did you find these children?" "I looked around till I found the biggest and fastest boys in the country." "Their parents gave you permission to take them?" "No, I took them." " You just took them?" " Yeah, I took them." "What did their parents say when they found out?" "They were happy to get the bonus money." "Besides, they weren't too bright anyhow." "Order!" "Coach Williams." " Mr. Hocheiser." " Your Honor." "Coach Williams." " My God!" " Is that all, Mr. Hocheiser?" "Mr. Hocheiser, if the court may have your attention." "Your honor, counsel requests a 10-minute recess." " Request denied." " Thank you, Your Honor." "Hocheiser, for Christ's sake!" "I ain't finished yet!" "You may proceed, Mr. Devloe." "Coach Williams, you saw nothing wrong with taking these children?" "I wanted to teach those boys the game of football." "They ate, slept and talked nothing but football." "Could they, or could they not, speak English?" "They didn't have to speak no damn English!" "They just had to play football!" "Besides, the quarterback could speak." " English?" " He could say numbers." "I bought a plane ticket and I'm going home." "Where's home?" "Waukegan, Illinois." "Doesn't Jack Benny come from there?" "Yes." "Did you know him?" "No." "They named a high school after him out there, didn't they?" "It was a junior high school." "Junior high." "I thought it was a high school." "No." "Goodbye, Gordon." "I really think we could have had something wonderful together, but I can't compete with your mother and she's never going to let go." "Louise, let's get married!" "What about your mother?" "I'm gonna put my mother in a..." "I'm gonna put my mother in a home." " I'm gonna put her in a home, Louise." " Yes, Gordon, yes!" "The male members insist that there's something about being nude that makes you want to play volleyball." "What is the ultimate effect of pornography on young men?" "Boredom, says a team of psychological researchers at the University of North Carolina." "They hired a group of volunteer men, ages 21 to 23, for 90 minutes a day for three weeks." "The subjects were ﬁrst screened for psychiatric disorders, and then exposed to a variety of pornographic materials during the daily hour and a half." "Their ﬁrst exposure was to a hard-core stag movie which a control group also watched." "Subjective reports have spoken for themselves." "Physiological measurements of the specimen, testiﬁed to the arousal of the subject." "After that exposure to pornography, the controls were given no more." "The subjects were surrounded by it daily during the time devoted to the experiment." "At ﬁrst, they exhibited high interest and arousal, then both fell rapidly." "Psychological and physical tests measured..." "Why did you do that?" "Come on, put on your coat." "We're going for a ride." "I don't wanna go for a ride." "Where's Poppa?" "That's where we're going." "We're gonna see Poppa." "We're gonna see Poppa?" "Such a good boy!" "Homes." ""Homes for the aged."" "For Christ's sake, will you come on?" "Come on, hurry up!" "I've gotta look nice for Poppa." "You look good." "You look terrific." "Get in the car." "Just stay there." "Excuse me." "Where's the office?" "The manager?" " Where's the office?" " I don't know." "Who's there?" "What do you want?" " Look, I got your ad here." " Yeah?" "You're not from the State, are you?" "Not from the Health Department, are you?" " No, no." "Look." "I've got my..." " And the goddamn health people." "I told those bastards to stay away from here." "I run a clean place." "It ain't easy taking care of all these old people, you know?" "You mean you're here by yourself?" "Yes, that's what I mean." "It's tough getting help." " Nobody wants to take care of old people." " I know what you mean." " How many people do you have here?" " Seventy three." "I don't know, no, maybe 72." "I didn't check all the rooms yet." "Sometimes they go in the night, and I don't find out about it till the morning." "Look at this." "Hot lunches." "Every day." "Everything's gotta be done by the book." " Pass it around." " Do you do the cooking, too?" "Since Grace died, I do everything around here." " Are you Gus?" " There ain't no Gus." "I wish there was a Gus." "He'd help me out, that bastard." " What do you got?" "A mother or father?" " A mother." " I ain't got no room." " She's no trouble." "She'll sleep anywhere." " I told you, I ain't got no room!" " There's no bread!" "She's out in the car." "I drove her all the way out here." "What do you want me to do about it?" " Can't you check the rooms now?" " Can't you see I'm serving lunch?" " Lunch, for Christ's sake!" " Gordon, this is a terrible place!" "Up there!" "You tell them I ain't gonna serve lunch all day." "Lunch!" "How many times I gotta tell you?" "I tell you, lunch!" "Hey, you." "You want lunch?" "You shake your ass!" "Do you have any rooms?" "Yes, we have rooms." "I wanna put my Momma here." "But there are forms to fill out." "You just can't put her." "Would you go get the forms, please?" "All right." "Get the forms." "Where are we?" "Where's Poppa?" "We'll meet Poppa." "That's what we're doing." "Where is he?" "Poppa!" "Stand right here, or you won't see Poppa." " You got the forms?" " Yes, here they are." "Give them to me." "Gordon Hocheiser." " You want to get her?" " Yes, we'll go get her." " All right." " Gordon, you said we're gonna meet Poppa." "What?" "Yeah." "No." "Never mind." "I'll get her." " Now, you're going to love it here." " I'll tell you when I love it!" "I'll love it when I'm meeting Poppa." "Now, just go." "Go away." " Go!" " Here's Poppa." "Poppa?" "Momma?"