"V I S I O N presents" "Starring" "in Marek Koterski film" "WE'RE ALL CHRISTS" "Didn't you have something to tell me?" "I wished you were dead." "Did you?" "I wanted you to die." ""Jesus falls down the third time..."" "Let's empathize with his soul." "Hear what he hears." "Suffering and fear will surround us, as it does Jesus." "Don't help me." "Anyone could Christ:" "a cleric, a monk..." "Or even a simple spectator." "Don't!" "Medieval artists often took part in an auction for the privilege of acting." "I can manage!" "Let's start from the beginning." "How about my beginning?" "Maybe this is how it went..." "Let me show you my boy!" "Leave him be." "Bravo!" "Good boy!" "Jesus Christ!" "You're giving him alcohol!" "It's no big deal!" "I remember being constantly afraid as a kid." "Each time you came home drunk, I felt something bad could happen." "It was like a stranger coming into the house." "A total stranger." "You promised not to drink!" "Not ever!" "But I haven't been drinking at all!" "Mom always told you to stay in your room." "And you just sat there and that was worst of all." "I was there, too." "I still remember the kitchen door..." "You never bring home your whole paycheck!" "Leave me alone!" "I bring home every cent like a dog!" "I don't need cents... just real cash!" "It was fear, constant fear, and I didn't know how..." "I was afraid to come back home." " Woof, woof, woof..." " Meow, meow, meow..." "I wanted to get as far away as possible, and never come back." "I was afraid to come home, too." "Every time I came in, returned, I thought, "Maybe he's gone or at least sober"." "Is someone there?" "Dad." "Tell your dad to pee in his own house and not on my door!" "Your dad's outside by the tree." " How come?" " He can't make it in." "I promise You..." "I will never be like my dad!" "Get down from there, you might fall." "What you doing?" "I'm thinking." " What about?" " Something nice." "Why he doesn't go out and play like the other kids?" "Why does he just sit there with the dog and suck his thumb?" "Ask him." "I'm asking you." "He's ashamed." "Ashamed... of what?" "How did you meet mom anyway?" "How did you two hook up?" "It was after I broke up with Ela." "Ela?" "It was 7 years after I ran from Ela, my first and only true love." "Am I that disgusting?" "No, there's static electricity on the key." "Enough of this... 33-year mistake." "GUARDING ANGEL" "The long weekend is almost over." "Relaxed, full of impressions, eager for work, and full of life we return from the countryside, forests," " seas and mountains." " No..." " Thanks, but no." " You need magnesium." "Will you marry me?" "Is it gold?" "Of course!" "I hate gold." "Something cheaper?" "Silver." "So-so..." "How about the cheapest one?" "No more drinks." "You're drunk." "Who, me?" "You bitch!" "Don't yank on me like a dog." "I'm a free man, aren't I?" "And what's your job?" "The wedding reservation..." "Cultural Expertness Institute at the University..." "What?" "Two metal wedding rings." "Cultural Expertness Institute at the University..." " Ela..." " I wanted to marry you." "Ela, help me!" "Go fuck or hang yourself!" "You made your bed, Lie in it!" "Ela, Elunia..." "Ela!" "Adam Meowczynski, out!" "Your wedding's today!" "If I make it, I'll be happily married." "I welcome the family and friends invited to today's ceremony." "I greet the witnesses, and especially the bride and groom." "This never work I didn't make the shot." "Today you'll set up a new family." "It's stability and happiness depends on you alone." "A stable, model marriage is impossible without mutual respect, trust, love and understanding." "What am I doing with my life?" "Do you, citizen Adam Meowczynski wish to marry this citizen Beata Chalkowska?" "I do." "How long should I wait before filing for divorce?" "I'm pregnant." "Regnant?" "That's impossible." "It's too soon for me." "It would be the end of my life and career!" "The end of my plans and dreams." "I want to live!" "I got so much to do!" "How can I write my doctorate with a constant ruckus around, and shitty diapers?" "I can say one thing for sure:" "I've always loved my son." "I made my mistakes, but I always loved Sylwek." "Not for this or that, but unconditionally." "Just because he was there ...and he still is." "Get an abortion." "No!" "I want to have a little Ania." "No?" "!" "No fuckin' shit!" "Get the abortion, and that's it!" "No!" "I want to have someone close to me, 'cos you're never around!" "I'll boot that brat out!" "You devious bitch!" "And I never hit him." "Never!" ""Christ falls for the first time."" "We could say he fell under the cross THEY put on his shoulders." "But the weight of my deeds caused him fall." "Please don't let this happen, Go!" "Let her fall down the stairs, miscarry!" "Have mercy on me!" "It's my turn to take care of him." "You'll kill him!" "'Cos you can only take care of a corps." "What did you have in common besides me?" "Have you started stuttering?" " No." " You never did before." "It's just now, talking, asking." "What's going on, Adam." "Stop drinking." "Who?" "Me?" "It's someone else drinking for me." "No, it is you who drink." "It's your own life." "You won't get another." "If that's so, then I won't drink." "And I didn't drink for 7 years." "Seven years?" "Almost." "I quit 3 months after you were born, and I didn't touch it till you were about seven." " Now we hang the bird." " Why it's so weird?" "'Cos I carved it myself." "Why?" "Couldn't you buy one?" "We were poor then, mom and I. It was our only ornament." "Couldn't grandpa and nana buy it for you?" "They didn't like me then." " Because you were naughty?" " Exactly." "Very naughty?" "Very." "But now you're good, aren't you?" "For almost 7 years..." "But now you can..." "And now the grandparents like you?" "I can what?" "Yes, they like me." "Good, I like you, too." "And I love you!" "You're the best thing that's happened to me." "You can handle it." " What?" " To hold your liquor." " I got some business to do." " One more thing..." "Yes?" " It won't pass." " I don't get you..." "You will." " We've decorated the treetop." " You're both my top guys!" " And you're the sweetest!" " I'll be a "rofessor", like daddy." "You will?" "So, I'll have two "rofessors" here!" "I'd like to serve Christmas Eve supper at 5 pm." "Cool!" "I'll be back by 1 6:00 to change." "Hi, guys!" "Adi?" "Where have you been?" "It's been ages!" "Almost 7 years now." " Really?" " In 3 months." "How did you manage to stay off the bottle?" "I just told myself to stop drinking, although I drank like a camel." "I drank, 'cos "It's me" "I can do anything", like God." "And it was divine drinking." "But then, I heard a voice whisper:" ""What's with you"..." "My Guardian Angel." "Bullshit!" "It must've been an angel; 7 years ago, when I was down and out." "Seven years without booze." "Today the voice said: "Now you can"." "So, I can drink now." " An angel, too?" " Yes." "Although a bit different." "He said, I can control my drinking." " some beer?" " A cocktail?" " A shot?" " Cheap wine?" "A screwdriver?" "Now you get it, man?" "7 years down the drain." " Digestible?" " Sure... as far as don't get drunk!" " What a guy!" " Incredible!" "Shit, remember that photo?" "In "Time" magazine..." "Which other Pope would that?" " In "Der Spiegel"." " Right..." "The head of the Church!" " There wasn't anyone like him." " And won't be." "Darn right, no fuckin' way!" "Remember the cassock thing?" "You'll be the boy!" " Be sober and awake." " You're the hope of a generation." "Let's go see the Pope." "No more drink." "Must stop drinking." "Send The Holy Ghost..." "whatever..." "land, this land!" ""Send us The Holy Ghost..."" ""that restores the face of the land." "This land."" " Genuine fox?" " 1 00%!" " How much do you want?" " From where?" "The woods!" ""Send us The Holy Ghost..."" ""...that restores the face of the land."" ""This land."" "I'm ready." "We can eat now." "We'll go to my parents." "Let's go then." "We'll go without you." "I wished to spend this night with my boy, with you." "I bought you a fox..." "It's all yours." "Sylwek was blind right after his birth." "When he regained his sight, the first thing he saw was a toy doggie from me!" "Dogs are born blind, not children!" "We've decided to see the Pope to pray to stop drinking." "Take some food for the journey." "I won't be alone." "I'll be in the best company ever - my own!" "I wish myself..." "lots of luck." "Where did you get the recipe?" " What recipe?" " For the carp." "Delicious, exquisite..." "You just had to drink?" "Who was drinking?" "Me?" "Don't drink before Christmas Eve with your son." "Do you always have to spoil everything?" "Fuck it!" "Shit!" "I don't give a damn!" "We're closing." "You must have been tired when you fell down the second time." "Don't look for symbolism." "The human part of Christ fell down." "It's so hard to see the tormented Christ in the face of our fellow man." "When we went to the seaside without your toy doggie, we had to drive back 65 miles to get it, 'cos you won't sleep without your toy dog." "Do you have four legs, for fuck sake?" "Four?" "No, just two." "Four, I think, 'cos you fuck two of them!" "Name?" "What do you mean?" "I do care!" "Meowczynski." "So, why did you put them on the rails?" "First name?" "I didn't put them anywhere..." "Adam." "Fuck!" "If that's so, you've completely lost control of your fuckin' life!" " I've got it under control." " Age?" "33." "I was off the booze for almost 7 years." "An Angel stopped me." " And who told you to start again?" " Another Angel." "You told me I could." "Not me, but some shithead in disguise!" "I'm the Guardian Angel!" "33 years on duty, without sleep!" "I never said you could start!" " Fake fox." " No money." "Check his shoes." " How could he walk?" " Dancing lambada." "Sonny, I'm not drunk!" "Help me out!" "Shut your trap, idiot!" "Sylwek, my boy!" "Oh, my God!" "I am sober!" "Jesus..." "Oh, Jesus!" "Shut your fuckin' trap!" "My God!" "Dear son!" "You're my Life!" "My Son!" "My little boy!" "Sylwek!" "My boy!" "Check out your "rofessor", your idol, and role model!" "Every time I had to stay home, I always prayed..." "I wish you don't wake and get up, 'cos when mom sees you..." "And you?" "Why do you want a divorce?" "I don't love her." "I never did." "Your son looks just like you." "Your wife must have loved you a lot, to be thinking about you." "So why didn't you move out?" "I couldn't imagine not seeing you every day." "My whole life I've done and still do things I didn't want to." "Do not steal!" "Did you break your kid's piggy bank?" "I'll give back every cent of it." "I remember, there were moments when you got up normally, we ate tomato soup together, and everything was ok." "And one time we went to the dentist." "I was the one who got him the best dental treatment at the Academy of Medicine." "A dad's got to take his son to the dentist!" "I was always fuckin' scared of the dentist." "It was a nightmare." "You got drunk, so I thought, he'll forget about it and I'd be ok." "But you came up to me sober in the morning, and took me." "Let's go." "And so we went." "We agreed you'd wait for me." "I'll wait." "For me as a child it was one of the worst moments." "I was so scared of the dentist..." "But when I got out, you were gone." "I didn't even know the way home." "Finally, you came back drunken blind!" "Your nose was running, and all this parents there with kids..." "And you were so pissed!" "I was terrified again, and that fear was the worst" "I didn't fully realized what's goin' on and why." "How about our other visits to the doctors?" "I just remember that one." "The dentist." "Who took you to clean your leg wound?" "Who hugged you all the way through?" "And who took you to the psychologist, when you changed the school three times, 'cos you were poorly adapted." "I remember the dentist." "How about the bike I brought you from the States?" "And the last time you drank at home I called mom at work." "Dad's drinking again." "I'm home alone and I'm so scared." "You kept falling down and broke the porcelain sugar bowl..." "...with your head." " it was crystal." "I came to you, tried to pick you up, but you fell down again shouting at mom:" ""Take him away"." "Take him away!" ""He's hurting me."" "He's hurting me!" "It's his fault!" "Why was it my fault?" "I just wanted to help you." "No more drinking!" "How do you feel?" "All right... but weak." "Drink some homemade compote." "Forgive me." "Get some rest." "Sit down." "No." "How you doing'?" "OK?" "Yes." "How are you feelin' today?" "Better now..." "My wife brought me compote." "She asked me for a medical opinion saying you're an alcoholic, to deprive you of your parental rights." "I remember, when you came back from treatment..." " Detox." " Right... you still drank." "You can whip the body as well as the soul." "You can crown your head with thorns... as well as your mind and your freedom." "Derided and exposed to the public with Pilate saying:" " "Ecce Homo"." " "Here is the man!"" "They say Pilate didn't want Christ to go through all that." ""I don't do the good that I want, but the evil that I don't want."" "Those are the words of St. Paul in his letter to Romans." ""For I don't understand the things I do, because I do not do those deeds I'm pleased with, but those I detest." "That is what I do."" "Give it back, you prick!" ""The Scream" by Munch." ""Blind Men" by Breugel." "Doctor..." "Hello, dean." "We're playing out cultural archetypes." "My drinking never affects my job." "Either I drink or work." "Excuse me... but I have a faculty board meeting concerning you." "Shit, man!" "The best I can offer... is a termination of employment by mutual agreement." "You're firing me?" "We will accept your resignation." "Due to health problems." "You are sick after all." "Son?" "!" "Adam, goodness me!" "Everything is the way you left it." "I haven't touched a thing." "Son!" "Adam!" "All those years of torment and care down the drain!" "Don't drink, Adam." "Give me back my beer." "No way!" "It's time for you to quit." "Drink some milk it's healthy." "Don't start the day off with a beer!" "Give the beer back, you old hag!" "Try some tomato soup." "You didn't touch it yesterday." "I'll heat it up for you." "It's nice." "Honor thy father and thy mother." "I'll tank up again like a fountain pen, because of her." "I drink 'cos I'm afraid of a loneliness." "When I'm sober, nobody calls me - no one!" "But when I'm drunk as a skunk, the phone won't stop ringing," "I'm even afraid to answer." "First beer." "I'm slowing down today." "It's just my cure not a killer." "I'll drink one, maybe two, and that's it!" "I drink because of my code." " What code?" " Genetic code." "It's my alcoholic father who drove me to drink." "And me my abstinent mother." "She should let me slow down on a beer instead of hiding it from me." "I'm 33, and still afraid of my mother!" "What are you doing here?" "Quit drinking and get back home." "I hate you!" "Why do you torment me, mom?" "It's you to blame that I drink!" "I'd slow down myself, if you didn't hide my beer!" "Don't drink, my boy." "It'll be the death of you." "They say he met his mother on a Way of the Cross." "But according to Gospel, she just stood by his cross." "Stabat Mater Dolorosa." "Juxta crucem lacrimosa... dum pendebat Filius." "Dum pendebat Filius." ""Barely alive His mother stood..." "Mourning by the cross..." "While her Son was dying there..." "While her Son was dying there."" "Cuius animam gementem." ""Her mournful Soul filled with tears..."" "Contri statam et dolentem." ""Overflowing with grief and sorrow..."" "Pertransivit gladius." ""Cuts the sword for our sins..."" "Pertransivit gladius." ""Cuts the sword for our sins."" "I'll make him some fresh tomato soup." "He hardly eats a thing, just drinks." "I'd like to do all I have to do in life." "Fulfill the duties... and then devote myself to drinking." "And when I finally find true love, I'll throw all the shit out the door... and I will only love for the rest of my days." "Adam, my boy..." "Adam!" "Six, seven..." "Bartush!" "Wanna suck me?" "Nobody wants me!" "You fag!" "My hip!" "I'm sorry, mom." "They buried me alive." "It's just a cast." "I won't leave this place alive." "Stop that nonsense." "I'm serious." "You'll be dancing salsa in no time." "Will you touch my head, forehead?" "Come on, mom." "Please..." "All right." "More..." "Enough, you're not a child, mom!" "I'll come by everyday, and exercise your legs." "Love for my son is the only non-egoistic thing in my life." "I want nothing in return." "That's the only superior feeling I've ever experienced." " Dad, talk to me!" " I was just talking about you." " But not to me!" " I'm busy now!" "Spend some time with me!" "Don't you remember how we watched football on TV?" "Constant fear it's all I remember!" "And how I offered to send you to soccer camp, and when you asked who I'd like you to become..." "Who do you wish I'd be, dad?" ""A happy man" I said." "A happy man." "So you'd like you do, 'cos I hate what I do!" "If you want to be a police officer, go for it!" "Wanna lick stamps at the P.O. - fine, but above all be happy!" "Who took your side when you're mom was angry 'cos you kept saying "babinton" instead of badminton?" "Have you forgotten all our vacations together, just you and me?" "The pictures we took the games we played!" "My old man couldn't afford to take me 'cos he drank away what he earned!" "What games?" "All those game." "I didn't drink on vacations, not at the seaside or the mountains." "I remember you got drunk one night and danced with some chick all night!" "Only once!" " And you kissed her all over!" " Just once!" "Her neck, elbows and hands!" "Only once, for fuck sake!" "We went there 7 times, year after year!" "Just that one time!" "I only remember that one time." "And it was with some hag... black!" "What do you mean black?" "A Negro?" "Come on!" "A Negro?" "In the Polish mountains?" " Passing through..." " Her hair was black." "Dad!" "I pissed my life away." "Dad!" "When Poland joined NATO, I drank with my mate-o." "When we joined Europe, I poured it on like syrup!" "So many years taken away from me!" "Those damned Soviets!" "So many years..." "My life was supposed to be completely different!" "Why am I wasting my time here?" "I'm an expert on culture but they all take me for a sucker!" "Why is it my lot to live in such country?" "In a constant hopelessness." "To be ruled by some morons and butt-heads!" "A band of thieves!" " Brawlers!" " And clowns!" " I drink because of Poland." " Me - because of my life." " l drink to kill the pain of existence." " And I drink in general." " Your mom passed away." " it was only a cast." " She died in her sleep." " But it was just her hip!" "The hip healed." "But it was such an strain on her that her heart stopped." "Her weary ticker broke." "Do you have the dress?" " The dress?" " For your mom!" "Turn around!" "When my son was born, I didn't drink for 7 years..." "Well, almost!" "Then I was sober again for 4 more years..." "Almost!" "Almost 2 years then." "A year..." "Nine months." "After that, the intervals were shorter and shorter." "For almost half of the 30 years of my adult life," "I've rescued almost 1 5." "I'm very, very tired of it!" "Just let someone tell me I haven't tried!" "Oh, my God!" "Fuck!" "What a dump, what a slum!" "I've never bought a single thing for her." "Except for one fur collar for her winter coat." "And a sweater I then gave to Bartush to sleep on." "Oh, Jesus!" "Is that the only dress?" "Nothing..." "Yes!" "It's responding to the smoke." "My brother sent it from Australia." "They're using them to detect fire in the bush or savanna." "What's you gonna detect?" "Sticks out like a sore thumb!" "No bush fire, you dumb!" "We'll see." "It could come in handy." "Mmm... pirozhki." "Stay there." "I can't sit here, while you're standing, officer Angel!" "Why you've been drinking this time?" "Mommy!" "Why didn't I stroke your head so warmly and tenderly?" "Oh, and I just remembered when you got drunk during my final exams." "I remember that, too." "I'll never pass those fuckin' exams!" "They won't even allow me in the room!" "I'm finished!" "You'll pass, sonny." "Slow down." "I'll be with you." "Always." " l was on drugs all the time!" " Marijuana?" "And hash!" "And amphetamine to pass tests!" "You told me how important the final exams were, and that you'd always be with me!" "I got to leak." "Dad..." "You promised to help me prepare for my finals, and that you'll always be there for me." "Starting tomorrow, ok?" "Now just let me finish up here." "Sorry, Jesus!" "And whatever happened, even if I failed, you'd still be there with me." "I've been there for you." "I just remember you drinking..." "and my fear." "Who found a school for you?" "Who paid for a public school that they finally didn't kick you out of?" "Who went to the parents-teacher meetings?" "Well, who?" "Not mom, 'cos she was afraid to hear about your collection!" "What collection?" " Your collection of bad grades!" " Yeah, right!" "You had 11 F's and just one C - in gym class!" "As the home class teacher is ill, I'll present the students' grades, starting with the highest." "Meowczynski..." "Top grades." "So why was he so worried?" "Nearly all "A's"." " Say what?" " Except for a "C" in gym." "Bravo!" "Sylwek?" "Michal." "Meowczynski?" "Oh, sorry Miarczynski.." "He has all the "A's"." " That's what I thought." " How about Meowczynski?" "Meow... czynski." "Not so good, actually bad." "Very bad." "F's all the way..." "but a "C" in the gym as well." "I apologize." "That's right." "Miarczynski A's, Meowczynski F's." " And what about your absenteeism!" " What absenteeism?" "77 days cutting classes!" "You know what I'm talking about?" "But he must be present sometimes?" "Even if his body is present, his mind is absent anyway." "He just sits there during class staring at the window, and I ask him," ""What do you think about when stare out that window?"" "and he just says, "About something nice"." "Let's do this like in tennis." "Don't think of the game or exams." " And forget about that collection." " What collection?" "11 F's!" "Don't think about the score in the set or game." "Focus on how to return the next ball." "Focus on one thing to improve." "What would it be?" "Math... probably." "So, for the next few days only math exists." "Don't think about your collection." "You have just one F and you wanna correct it." "Then we'll think how to return and win the next ball." "He's making real progress." "If by some miracle, he's allowed to take his finals, and by another miracle, he passes, you should get the diploma, not him." "I've already got one, thanks." "Well we got him into finals, Mr. Whatsyourname" " Jesus." "I think we earned this." "You didn't come around." "I knew what was up after one, two weeks went by." "I felt a deep resentment towards you." "Mom also wished you were dead." "I told her:" "I got to save him." "But she went mad." "Fuck!" "How could he do this just before finals!" "It'd be better if he dropped dead!" "Kill yourself with your trashy lifestyle." "You should die for Sylwek's sake." "If you love him, set him free from yourself." "You kicked my belly while I was pregnant." "You were ashamed to caress me when I was dying." "Kill yourself, dad." " Take your life." " Committ suicide." "If you had done it a while back, I'd have suffered less." "Ok, but how am I supposed to do it?" "It's easy, son." "But I don't wanna die, yet." "I want to improve myself beforehand." "You've had your chance to be better." "Spare me!" "Let me off this time." "I let you off so many times before." "I spared you." "I forgave you." "Just one more time." "Don't let me die!" "I'll do better." "One last time spare me from madness!" "That won't help you." "I got to help him." " You think everyone should be helped?" " It's worth trying." "Stop slouching!" "That's how you walk, hunched over!" "it's not your job to help him." "It's you, who needs help." "I just wanna try." "I was afraid you'd had a heart attack from drinking." "I told mom, I'd climb up on the balcony." " Let him rot!" " l can't." "Nooo!" "Sylwek!" "You were sleeping, and I was in the next room." "All those fears..." "Because you drank, I' developed a hatred for alcohol." "And the only drug that kept me from being afraid... was amphetamine." "I didn't have much of it so I did a line and was afraid of nothing." "Your fears melt away, you feel stronger, together." "It's easier to cope than when you're sober." "Kind of emotional anesthesia." "It helped me stay there." "I wanted to come here earlier but the place was a wreck." "Filth, dirt, everything broken." "The stench of alcohol was so awful like at the cheap wine distillers." "A disaster." "When you snort the stuff, you can't sleep." "I'd stay up all night." "I just sat in the kitchen thinking of stuff." "Oh, like throwing away all those bottles." "But then I realized no one could force you to stop but yourself." "You woke up the next day... and told me you'd only drink what's in the fridge." "I'll only drink what's in the fridge and no more." "In the fridge there were 3 or 4 bottles of beers and a 1/4 liter of vodka." "And I said, "Ok, drink it, but then it's over"." ""And there's no fuckin' way I'll let you out of the house", I added." " All right." " So, you drank the beers, then vodka." "I was still wired, so I cleaned up the flat to make it livable." "Washed the dishes, straightened things up." "But when the drug started to wear off it was awful." "The night came, the drugs wore off." "I wasn't so strong anymore, and then I figured what was up." "I said, "There's no fuckin' way I can ever deal with all this"." "There was no way to reason with you." "I knew, that you're not the same guy you used to be." "You were delirious." "I realized, it's no fuckin' way you can stop drinking when you're constantly someone else." "Some fucker who doesn't get what he's told." "You drank straight from the bottle and were popping pills." "The label read that mixing with alcohol leads to blood clots, cardiac arrest and death." "I was scared, 'cos you washed down the pills with vodka. I was totally helpless." "I couldn't take it and hide it from you." "I had to wait for you to decide to stop drinking, for a moment of sanity when you'd finally notice I'm there that I've been there all along going through this nightmare." "After sitting there three days, you asked me if I arrived today." "Did you arrive today?" "I told you to put an end to it." " Put an end to it." " And that we got to talk." " We got to talk." " Right..." "But there was no fuckin' way to get through to you." "I got some errands in town." "I told you, I know there are no errands!" "Fuck it..." "Fuck!" "You got to stop, what are doing to yourself." "What did you do last night!" "I've had fucking enough of it!" "Sylwek, fetch me some 5 beers and I'm off the booze for good." " No!" " You'll see." " And..." " Or I'll go on my own." "I'm trying to talk to you and your blabbing about those fuckin' beers!" "Since I've been fetching you beers all along I decided I'd better go rather than sending you in that state, I was afraid you might be beaten up or robbed." "I wasn't strong enough to say "no" to you." "You were sitting and talking bullshit to me." "There is a tightrope stretched between two New York skyscrapers." "And there is a tightrope walker on that rope." "And at the same time in Warsaw's Old Town a drunken old lady is giving a blow job to some man." "What do these two men have in common, huh?" "No idea." "Don't look down!" "I hated you with all my guts!" "During the day I myself wanted you to for you to die!" "I wanted peace." "I wanted not to go through this again." "So, I wanted..." "Fuck!" "I wanted to do something to make it stop." "But at night..." "at night I was so afraid... afraid of you dying or something happening to you." "I'd stand at your door and listen." "As long as you snored, wheezed or farted everything was ok." "But when you went quiet, I thought you'd gone." "I'd check if you were breathing, and stay up all night." "I got to take a short break." " Want some coffee, tee?" " I'll have a smoke." "Maybe some cola, water?" "I blend you" " some egg yolk with sugar." " Say what?" " Egg yolk with sugar." " l don't get it." " You've never tried it?" " No." "Come on!" "You must have had it before." " I haven't." " So, I make it for both of us." "You got to blend it well." " l count to..." " 44." " 77 or..." " I knew it!" " And?" " Cool!" "You must admit, when daddy makes this dish..." " It's fuckin' great!" " I would've said 'very tasty'." " Yeah, right!" " Seriously." "You wet your bed, and slept in it all night." "I undressed you but the mattress was still soaked." "I didn't want you to wake up." "It's wet in there." " l need a sleeping pill!" " You suffered from nightmares." "Find 'em, or I'll have nightmares!" "I can't sleep!" "I'm scared!" "Remember The Last Supper?" "You tell your students about it every year and never mention the knife." "The knife?" " How many people were there?" " 12, 1 3 including Christ." " How many hands?" " 26." "But there's one more." " The 27-th hand holds the knife." " Knife..." "That hand strikes Christ." "This knife is for you." "What for?" "To kill your son." "Hide, throw away all knifes!" "I'm scared, I'm gonna kill you!" "I'm not afraid of you." " You'll kill him anyway!" " And go mad!" " This time you're gonna get it!" " You'll murder your son!" " You'll go out of your mind!" " And die from fear!" " In that order!" " Son killer!" " Fool!" " Dead man!" "I can't go and die on Sylwek!" "I want to be a good, sober dad!" "You're not gonna die instantly." "insanity will come first" "Got any change?" "1 zloty, to buy salt." " Salt?" " We're cooking a rabbit." "Why are its legs so long?" "it was a tall one." "He paid for the salt." " What's your old man do?" " He died." " Of what?" " He drank, went mad, and died." "I don't want him to have to talk like that." "I can't do this to him!" "He can't live happily with that stain." "He won't have faith that he can succeed!" "My dearest alcohol!" "You were always there for me." "Closer to me than my mother, wife even my son." "I want to bid farewell, as you were that fatal force that directed my life." "Pity I'm not like other drinkers:" "regular, suffering none." "Parting with you, I part with those excruciating hangover - both physical and mentally, with all these moral issues in the abyss of depression, and suicidal thoughts anxiety of insanity." "I part with constant fear, disgrace, and disappointment my son suffered because of me." "And with pain, I gave him, and myself." "Enough of seeing the world from the bottom, like a dog beaten for peeing in the living room." "Enough of this feeling of guilt." "Oh, Jesus!" "I wanna stop drinking!" "I want to drink no more!" "Do not help me!" "Maybe this is how it started..." "It wouldn't do him any harm." "It's Blackberry Brandy." "Favorite brand of the English Queen, the Queen Mother!" "Blackberry Brandy!" "But also known by many other names." "I'll tell your father and you'll be sorry!" "Make my daddy come home drunk!" "You're lucky!" "I also thought it was luck, back then." "Even if your sins are like scarlet... they shall become whiter than snow." ""If I had all the knowledge and had not love" " I'd be nothing."" ""Love forgets all evil."" ""Love can bear anything, endures everything."" "I saw only one set of footprints." "Why did you leave me alone in such a hard time?" "You only saw one set of footprints, because I was carrying you." "And now?" "I've gotten hooked." "On what?" "Brown sugar..." "heroin." "Oh, Jesus!" "I'm coming down." "Down?" "I've been clean for three days and my bones aches as if they were crushed again and again." "So now, you lean on me." "He fell and got up!" "Hold on to me." "And you to me." " l want to quit." " Me, too." " I want to get better." " So do I." "Wait up." "But you'll be back, right?" " I'm afraid." " Of what?" "Everything." "I'm just scared." "It'll be fine." "We're gonna make it." "But first things first." "All our hopes in a power greater than us." "Adas Meowczynski stopped drinking and started treatment on 01 .09.1999." "Three years later, his son stopped taking drugs." "He broke abstinence after a year, but returned to treatment and drying out." "I want you to know one thing, son." "Yeah?" "You had every right to wish I was dead." "Just like that?" "it's not a bad thing?" "You had... you have every right to hate me." "What a relief." "But can I love you?" "You can." " And can l love you?" " Sure!" "But you already love me." "That I do."