"And they returned to the darkest depths to sink even lower." "Fans are overcome with emotion as Dethklok reveals its Dethsub." "Dethklok will record its entire forthcoming album on this ship." "I'm getting word they're preparing to go below at any moment now." "But the question is, for how long?" "Well, uh, say your goodbyes to the girls." "You can't bring anybody on board because it's a security risk and all that." "Wait, wait, wait." "We can't have any [bleep] chicks down there?" "No, sir." "Huh." "That [bleep] sucks." "Don't worry." "We're gonna be jacking off." "That's what we're gonna do." "Just pulling your own pud." "All shiny and hard, just jacking off." "That's what." "Yeah?" "Right, guys?" "Huh?" "Can you backs off, please?" "This is gonna be a long recording session." "Hey, I thought you said there wasn't gonna be any girls, yet here ams Abigails, walkings in, workings a smart outfit, as usuals." " Hey, Abigail." " Hi, Abigail." "Hi." "Too bad Abigail's off limits, you know, 'cause that could be pretty fun, you know?" "Well, who says she's off limits?" "Oh!" "Okay, looks like everyone's decompressing nicely." "A couple safety precautions before we hit the ocean floor." "First of all, I wanted to say-- Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Hey, guys." "Sorry if I seem out of it." "Last night, I, uh, had that [bleep] nightmare I keep on having -- ooh." "Is it the dream were you [bleep] a hornet's nest and then put your [bleep] into a vat of boiling acid?" "Even worse!" "It's that horrible dream." "The only way for me to get girls is for me to go down on them." "Oh, dear God!" "Oh, mama!" "Ew." "Oh, that's gross!" "Now what is it going down on a girl means again?" "Holy [bleep]" "That's [bleep] gross!" "I know." "I know." "I'm [bleep] shaking right now even thinking about it." "Well, we doesn't have to do that anymores and I'll tell you whys." "We ams a famous rocks-'n'-roll bands." "They goes down on us!" "But if we will haves to go down on them -- It would have to be under the utmost dire circumstances!" "Right." "Like if they were gonna kill my [bleep] parents." "Then I'd have to do it." "Oh, but still, totally gross." "Right, Charles?" "Uh... nah..." "No comment." "Well, it's [bleep] true." "We don't have to that anymore!" "You don't have to do what anymore?" "Nothing." "Uh, anyway, guys, we've got three months to craft the ultimate metal record." "If, for some reason, we fail to hit that deadline, I fear that" "Cornickleson will sink us where we stand, so, uh, have at it, mateys." "Ugh." ""Have at it, mateys."" "Another lame sign-off from Charles." "Anyways, who wants to go Jack off with me?" "Stop, stop, stop, stop." "Stop it." "What's wrong with all of your hands?" "Yeah, what's going on?" "Ow." "Ow." "Look at your wrists." "They're just -- just swollen and limp." "What have you guys been doing?" "You should be ashamed of yourself." "You guys have been jacking off so hard that you've got advanced carpal tunnel syndrome." "Whatever." "So, uh, you're saying we're, uh, touching our you-know-whats too much?" "Hey, this is serious stuff." "Stop giggling!" "I'm not." "I'm being serious." "You must refrain from masturbating for the next three months." "But beware." "You will experience withdrawal, hallucinations, sexual nightmares, gender issues." "Without masturbation, men and women will go insane." "Hey, don't worry, guys." "We'll still Jack off." "It's not like the [bleep] label is gonna find out about it." "Incoming message from Crystal Mountain Records, Roy Cornickleson." "I am just incredibly saddened to find out you've been jacking off on the company dime." "I am just really, really disappointed in all of you." "I mean, I thought you were better than that." "Maybe it's something I did, hmm?" "Maybe I should be disappointed in myself." "I just don't know anymore." "Now finish this album on time or you'll have no label!" "Good day!" "Gentlemen, it appears that Dethklok is no longer allowed to Jack off while recording their new album underwater." "General Crozier." "Preparation for this underwater record has been an arduous process." "The new Dethsub is more than four times the size of a luxury cruise liner." "It's fully armed and can sustain life for over a decade if need be." "Furthermore, mining teams were dispatched months before to break way the ocean floor and secure the Dethsub's home in what is now known as the deepest part of the ocean," "Andromeda's crevice." "Yet there is no warm port waiting for Dethklok, no matter what size the vessel be." "Here to explain more is human relations and masturbation expert Dr. Fsmilejera Lrlelwoll." "What happens to a man devoid of the pleasures of his own loins?" "Will he become a prisoner of rage?" "Statistically, men who have been forced into a position of masturbation abstinence have been the culprits of civilizational destruction." "Dethklok is no different." "And what of the woman?" "Pickles and Nathan have succeeded in concocting a careful balance of friendship and creative birth and have reaped its rewards." "Yet never before have they treaded down the dark waters of female competition." "For you see, this path leads up into a thicket of poisonous thorns and heartbreak, and ultimately the demise of Dethklok." "Somebody's a-going down." "We must allow for Dethklok to find something else to do with their free time." "100!" "Why's it smell like [bleep] garbage can cologne?" "Oh." "Why are you all dressed up?" "Oh, well, it's no biggie." "Just having a little drum production, uh, meeting with, uh, what is her name again?" "Uh, Abigail." "Oh." "So you're really going for it?" "Going for what?" "Maybe." "I don't know." "I mean -- Oh." "I see." "You don't think that's, uh, crossing the line -- the thing -- workplace, uh-- Why can't I you-know-what the only lady in this place?" "And why are you all worked up?" "I'm not." "I'm being normal!" "Do you want to date her?" "Date?" "Who wants to date anybody?" "Dating's [bleep] stupid as [bleep]" "It sounds like you wanttodateher !" "No, dude." "I just want to [bleep] get it on with her!" "She's not bad looking, Nathan." "Well, I hadn't noticed." "Well, good luck." "Even though she's a bit out of your league." "She is out of your league." "She's out of your -- fine." "All right." "I see what you're doing." "I'm not doing anything." "I see." "Fine." "Let's see precisely whoms out of whomses leagues she be." "We'll let her pick." "Fine." "Fine." "What are you doing?" "Laundry or something?" "Yep, I've never dones it before." "Since we stops jackings off, I think I've learned how to do it." "Why are you wearing a high ponytail?" "It's like you're a cheerleader or something." "It ams because it's so hot in here." "It cools off my neck." "It cools your neck, huh?" "Why are you wearing roller skates?" "I lefts my boots on shore." "Laundry's dones." "I'll gets it." "Oh, shucks!" "Everythings in my wardrobes ams turns pink!" "And it's all shrunks!" "Damn it!" "Yeah." "Skating around, huh?" "Keeps you toned, I-I guess." "Is it getting hot in here?" "So, what does this button do?" "That turns the mike pre on." "Oh." "So what does this knob do?" "If you turn it like you're doing, it ruins all my presets, and -- please." "You're dropping Pringles into my board." "Yes, well, it's cool." "I sure could use a massage, that's for sure." "Okay, Pickles?" "We work together." "There's a line I don't cross." "I mean, how much work would I get done if I -- Shh." "You know, I -- Shush!" "Just one hump." "No." "Not with anyone I work with." "It's my most cherished rule." "Oh, bull[bleep]" "It's not you." "It's me." "You know something?" "This sucks." "And you can't say that you're not [bleep] sexually frustrated down here, all right?" "'Cause this place is [bleep] hell." "I hear what you're saying, and without being too, uh, crass, I have a magical vibrating friend that gets me through these dark times." "Why did you have to say that?" "Still not in love with the sound of these rooms." "Something about this sub is a little off." "We need to re-record them in their own isolated space outside the sub." "What can we do about that?" "17.5 nautical miles northwest, we found a sonically ideal guitar recording area." "The only drawback is that it's in what we believe to be an active minefield." "It's gonna take the majority of the crew to make this happen." "Great." "Work towards that." "And the drums?" "Well, we did some reconnaissance and we found an upward-inverted cave whose acoustics are the best we've ever heard in our entire lives." "How soon can you make that happen?" "How much time do we have?" "Very little." "I fear my band is slowly losing their minds in this murky pit of sexual despair." "Good work, people." "And, again, time is of the essence." "Tally-ho." "God darn it!" "What the hell is wrong with you?" "I just got [bleep] turned down by that [bleep] prude bitch Abigail!" "What an asshole!" "I trys to humps her, too, and she turns me down." "She turns me downs, too." "I believes hur to be impenetrables." "You must has tried, too, yeah?" "No." "I was waiting for the right time." "You will never get into her pants!" "And there's a very good reason." "Because she's better than you." "I'm Nathan explosion." "I can get anybody." "I will do whatever it takes to get into her pants." "Then do accept my warning!" "There will be consequences!" "Whatever it takes." "Sorry to break this up, but, uh, does Toki seem like he's in real good shape?" "I mean, like -- at this point I'll take whatever!" "Oh, you got to be [bleep] kidding me." "This is the last day of our principle audiography." "You've all worked incredibly hard and we have one day to nail down the rest of this record." "Skwisgaar, Toki, you'll be transported miles away for audio isolation." "Pickles, you'll be put into what we're now calling the devil's cave." "Murderface, you'll be in your inter-submarine subsonic base cabin, and, finally, Nathan and Abigail, you'll be in the control room, piloting this audio spacecraft into a new dimension." "The rest of the underwater audio crew will be helping the band." "Shake it down now." "What?" "Shake it down?" "Everybody ready?" "Readys." "Copy that." "Readys!" "Ready!" "Oh, God." "What did I do?" "I got to go." "Noooooo!"