"* going out tonig,I'm feeling all right * going to let it all hang out * wanna maksome noise,even raise my voice * yeah,I wanna scream and sho" "Morning,sheldon." "Come dance with me." "No." "Why not?" "Penny,while I subscribe To the "many worlds" theory which pots the existence Of an infinite number of sheldons" "In an infinite numbe of universes,I assure you that in none of them am I danci." "Are you fun in any of them?" "The math would suggest Th in a few I'm a clown made of candy." "*********" "**" "***Eal day." "Tell you what,next french toast day,iill make you oatmeal." "Dear lord,areou still going to be here on french toast day?" "Morning." "Look,leonard,Penny made french toast." "Sorr I haven't given her your schedule yet." "It's an ical download." "She can put it right in her phone." "And I thought we agreed That you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartmen" "We did,but there were extenuating circumstances." "I see." "Did her abysmal housekeeping skills Filly trump her perkiness?" "No,her bed kind of..." "Broke." "That dsn't seem likely." "Her bed's of sturdy construction." "Even the addition of a second Normal size human being wodn't cause a structural failure," "Much less a homunculus such as yourself." "A homunculus?" "Perfectly foed miniature human being." "Oh,you're my little homunculus." " N't do that." " Sorry." "Okay,who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?" "I wa oatmeal." "Yes,well,I want a boyfriend Whose roommate isn't a giant pain in the ass." "'m sure that will happen soon enough." "But in the meantime,I still wantatmeal." "You know what,I give up." "He's impossible." "I can't be impossibi exist." "I believe what you meant to say is,"I ge up,he's improbable."" "Sheldon,ou really need to find a better way Of dealing with penny." "What am I supposed to do-- Oeat french toast on a nday?" "Now,that would be impossible." "I'm just saying,you can catch more flies with honey Than with vinegar." "You can catch even more flies with manure." "What's your point?" "It's a..." "Y,that does smell good." "Too bad it's Monday." "The Big Bang Theory Season03 Episode03" "Okay,kim the night manager went on maternity leave," "And her husband's name is sandy,right?" "So get this" " Her replement is a woman named sandy Whose husband's name is kim." "I know." "What are the odds?" "Easily calculable." "We begin by identifying a set of married couples With unisex names." "We then eliminate those unqualified Forestaurant work" "The aged,the imprisoned and the limbless,for exampl Look at..." "Sheldon" " It's an amazing coincence." "Can we leave it at that?" "I'm sorry." "Ooh,penny,It******* sheldon,it's as if you fadon't think I'll punch you." "Come on,you guys,let it go." "Fine,whatever." "Are you finished?" "Well,thank you." "How thoughtful." "Would you like a chocolate?" "Um,yeah,sure." "Thanks." "What was that?" "You said be nice to penny." "I believe offering cholate to someone Falls within the definition of ne." "It does." "But in my experience,you don't." "There are more things in heaven and earth,horatio," "Than are dreamt of in your philosophy" "Now that's yo Obnoxious and insufferable." "What's going on,day dwellers?" "Oh,man,did the kiss army repeal "don't ask,don't tell"?" "No." "Raj and I are going to a goth club in hollywood To hang with the night people." "Anybody want to come along?" "Oh,wow,you're actually going out like that?" "No,no." "I'm going out like this..." "Howard,what did you do?" "They're called tattoo sleeves." "Look." "****Iraj got a set,too." "Fantastic,right?" "Put them on,he hot sex with some freaky girl With her business pierced, take them off,Ani can still be buried in a jewish cemetery." "Yoknow,I've always wanted To go to a goth nightclub." " Really?" " Banga!" "None of you ev see my practical jokes coming,do you?" "Okay,how about you two?" "Look,I've got some extra tat sleeves." "Why are you carrying extras?" "In case I snag one on someone's nipple ring." "Uh,yeah,I think we'll pass." "Oh,is the missus speaking for the couple now?" "In this case,u bet she is." "Yes,she's pushy,and yes,he's whipped,But that's not the exession." "Come on,I want to stop at walgreens And pick up some more eyeliner." "Th're gonna get beaten up at that club." "They're gonna get beaten up at walgreens." "Oh,sorry,sheldon." "I almost sat in your spot." "Did you?" "I didn't noce." "Have a chocolate." "Thank you." "I think we're fittingn quite nicely." "It'd help iyou weren't drinking light beer." "What's so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?" "Hello?" "It looks like blood." "Did you even read the "wiki how" link I sent you on being goth?" "No,I'm behind on my wiki-reading." "I'm kind of on a john grisham kick right now." "What?" "*****" "And loved it so much,I dived right into the client." "He was a lawyer himself,so his novels are accurate as well as eertaining." "Just rember we are lost boys,children of the night." "Great." "Lost boys,children of the night." "Got it." "Can you pass the chex mixplease?" "Thank you." "We are lost boys." "Good for you." "I'm actually much more lost than he is." " Nice ink." " Thanks." "Can we buy you ladies a drink?" "Two light beers." "Light ers.******" " What's your names?" " I'm howard." " Raj." "I'm bethany." "Nice to et you,bethany." "Yes,very nice." " Nice to meet you,too." " I'm sarah." "Not that anyone cares." "Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of john grisham?" "What's this cartoon called again?" "Demon samurai." "D it's not a cartoon." "It'anime." "Anime." "You know,I knew a girl in high school named anna may." "Anna may fletcher." "She was born with one nostril." "Then she had annathis bad nose job And basically wound up with three." "You're here a lot now." "Oh,am I talking too much?" "I'm sorry." "Zip." "Thank you." "Chocolate?" "Ye please." "Hey,kim. yeah,I..." "You know what,old on." "Let me take this in the hall." "You'll never guess who they got to replace you at work." "Okay,I know what you're doing." "Really?" "Yes,you're ung chocolates as positive reinforcement For what you consider correct behavior." "Very good." " Chocole?" " No,I don't want any chocolate!" "Sheldon,you can't train my girlfend like a lab rat." "****** well,you shouldn't." "There's just no pleasing you,is there,leonard?" "You weren't happy With my previous approach to dealing with her," "So I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques," "Building on the works of thorndike and b.F.Skinner." "By this time next ek,I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool," "Balancing a beach ball on her nos" "No,this has to stop now." "I'm not suggesting we really make her jumout of a pool." "I thought the "bazinga" was implied." "We're just tweang her personality." " Sanding off the rough edges,if you will." " No." "You're not sanding penny." "Are you saying that I am forbidden From applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol Th will make our lives better?" "Yes." "You're fordden." "Bad onard." "So,what do you guys do?" "Oh,you know,goth stuff." "Goth magazines,goth music." "Goth food." "What's goth food?" "Blackened salmon?" "No,I meant what do you do for jobs?" " Oh,we're scientists." " Yeah,you know,the dark sciences." "What are the dark sciences?" "Well,I am an astrophysicist,And a lot of that takes place at night." "When there are vamres And miscellaneous unde out and about." "Oy vay." "That sounds really cool." "Does it?" "Okay.If you like space stuff," "I desi components for the international space station,Which is in space." "Where,as I'm sure you know,no onean hear you scream." "So,what do you gals do?" " I work at the gap." " Really?" "How about that?" "I've been to the gap." "I've been there,as well." "I like your t-shirts with the little pocket." "I work the,too." "Not that anyone cares." "You know,th place is boring." "Yeahwhy don't we go somewhere else and have some fun?" " Okay." " Surewe like fun." " We are fun people." " Dark and fun." "Come on." "I know a place you'll really dig." " Did you bring the black condoms?" " In my fanny pack." "Let's go." "Are you happy now?" "Not particularly" "my god,she didn't!" "What cou she possibly be talking about for so long?" "Obviously,waitressing at the cheesece factory Is a complex socioeconomic activity" "That requires a great deal of analysis and planning." ""bazinga."" "You know,using positive Reinforcemt techniques," "I could train that behavior Out of her in a week." "No." "If you let me use gative reinforcement,I can get it done before we go to bed." "You're not squirting her in the face withater." "No,of course not." "We're talking very mild electric shocks." "No tissue damage whatsoever." "Forget it." "Oh,come on.You can't tell me" "That you're not intrigued out the possibility Of building a better girlfriend." "I'm not." "Well,and penny's qualities,both good and d,Are what make her whshe is." "You mean,like that high-pitched,irritating laugh?" "****" "You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle?" "You're not changing w penny laughs." "No,that would be incongruous." "I was going to lower the whole voice To a more pleasing register." "Sorry,guys." "That girl is freaky." "Come again?" " Freaky." " Freaky?" "Ah,freaky." "have a chocolate." "Thank you." "Are you seriously going to defe your body Just for the possibility you could have cheap sex" "With a strange girl you met in a bar?" "Yeah!" "What is your mother going to say?" "She's not going to see it." "She takes my temperature orally now." "What are you going to get,howard?" "Well,I can't really decide Between a screing devil, this mean little skull,Or kermit the frog." " Kermit the frog?" " You know." "I'm on howard's bu." "Get the mean little skull,And I'll see if I can make him smile." "Yeah,I'd like the mean little skull,please." "What are you going to get,raj?" "With my luck,hepatitis." "Okay,here we go." "That's just rubbing aohol." "I know,but it was cold." "I'm putting on the stencil." "What comes after the sncil?" "****" "Okay,that's it." "No needle." "No pain." "No tattoo." "What's the big deal?" "You've done this before." "No,I haven't." "Look." "I'm sorry." "I'm a fraud." "He's a fraud." "We're both frauds." " Yeah,I think I covered that." " But I was summing up." "We're not goth." "We're just..." "Guys." "Very,very smart guys." " So you were totally scamming us?" " Yes." "And I wouldn't blame you if you Waed out of here and never wanted to see us again." "Unless,of course,our bold honey Has suade us attractiv Huh?" "Anything?" "I'm leaving." "I'm leaving,too." "Not that anyone cares." "When we tell this story,let's end it differently." "What are you thinking?" "Maybe a big musical mber?" "Well,I'm going to make some warm milk and then turn in." "I trusif you two are planning on engaging In amorous activities," "You'll keep the decibel leve to a minimum." " Of course." " Thank you." "These are so good." "Unbelievable." "What?" "I-I was just thinking We should probably turn in,too." "Well,you know,my new b got delivered." "If you come over And put it together,you can stay at my place." "Really?" "That's a lot of work,and it's kind of late." " Yeah,but if we stay there,we won't have tbe quiet." " Let's go." "Interesting." "Sex works even better than chocolatto modify behavior." "I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that." "Okay,wait." "How about th?" "We say there were four goth girls." "The two girls in *****" "I like it,I like it." "Did they smell good despite their go-like nature?" "What's that got to do with the story?" "Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me." "Fine,they smelled goo" "Oh,they did.Like jasmine and honeysuckle" "Whatever." "And then they held hands and did a sexy,demonic Hokey pokey for us." "No,no.Ok,let me just say my story all the way through" "And then you can say yours,and then we'll pick." " I'm sorry." "Go on." " Okay." "We got tattoos,And then the four girls **** but we do't have tattoos." "What if someone asks to see our tattoos?" "We say they're in a very intimate area." "Oh,we're bad boys,aren't we?" "Right,right." "So,we go back to theiplace And then the six of us end up in a hot tub." "But we just got tatts." "Wouldn't we be concerned about bacterial infection?" "True." "Okay." "Forget the hot tub." "Thpoint is,we each had a mÃ©nage with sexy goth girls." "What a great night." "Yeah." "Hey,want to try a country bar tomorrow night?" "Maybe we'll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls." "Cod happen." "I wonder howhey smell."