"(crickets chirping)" "(hawk squawking)" "(distant howling)" "(birds twittering)" "(loud squawking)" "(distant howling)" "(squawking)" "(hawk squawks)" "Our beloved ancestors had given us a beautiful home, a place of amazing natural wonders." "The rocks, the sand, the cactus." "(chuckles) Nothing was better." "And then one day, Felicity arrived here." "And she built Felicity City." "Narrator:" "At first glance, it's a town like most others... its sheriff constantly on the lookout for evildoers, his senses like a puma." "(bell tolling)" "And like all respectable towns," "Felicity City has its very own church." "Except here in this town, if you see folks hurrying around early Sunday morning... it's because they are on their way to give their respects to Felicity." "You see, my friends, it's not called Felicity City for nothing." "Heh!" "What is this, some kind of jug?" "No, not at all." "Very ancient, Ming Dynasty." "Very expensive." "Very ancient?" "You gotta be kiddin' me." "After all I've done for you, you come here with an old jug?" "You know, I think I'm going to take a pass on the old jug, if you don't mind." "Ming Dynasty." "Very expensive." "Very ancient." "I think this idiot actually believes it." "He's so darn cute when he says "Ming Dynasty."" "So true." "(laughs)" "Yeah!" "Ha!" "He's cute, all right." "Next time don't bring me no jug." "Get out." " Who's next?" " Aha." "Ha ha, my darling Felicity." "(chuckles)" "(rattling)" "Personally, I would have preferred living on the prairie like my ancestors." "But..." " (coins rattling) - ..." "I made a promise long ago that has kept me tied to this place... a promise to watch over someone." " (slaps)" " Ugh!" " (thumps)" " Uhh!" "Cinderella." "Let go of poor Bob McDonagan this instant." " What do you think you're doing?" " Sorry, but I had no choice." "These two had to learn to remove their hats when seeing a lady and not to spit." "Oh, no, no, no, don't you look at me like that, Cinderella." "(chuckles) You're straying down a crooked path," " so stop your grinning." " (ostrich grunts)" "(grunts)" "It's incredible." "There's not a single guy in this miserable town who demonstrates the least bit of chivalry." "Hyah!" "Okay, so we're not in Mrs. Blah Blah's lofty circle or anything, but who cares?" "I mean, really, can't they see I'm a girl?" "I was just sitting there thinking that if I answered her question, she would most surely punch me right in the nose, when suddenly, something completely unexpected happened that would finally allow me to keep my promise." "A telegram!" "An actual telegram!" "(panting)" " It's for your mother." " Stepmother." "Oh, that's right." "I'm sorry." "Would you mind bringing it to her?" " I mean, I don't dare." " (spits)" "You see, I have no gift to bring her." " (sighs)" " Dogs:" "And with this axe, chopping very hard for..." " for your grace and beauty..." " Yeah." " ...we makes..." " Uh, make... this lovely beaver." "(girl laughing)" "Well, it's something, I suppose." "Very pretty." "But I'm not about to give my daughters' hands to just anyone." "You two are poor, and this ain't the lottery." " Oh, yeah, but..." " Felicity:" "Listen." "I ain't bartering my little angels for a worthless piece of wood." " Right, darlings?" " Yeah, that's right, fellas." "I guess you ain't really suited for us." "Yeah, that's too bad, boys." "(laughs) Better luck to you next time." "(dog moans)" "So that's it, huh?" "A town of ingrates." "I've taken everything from them and now they've got nothing left to give." "What the heck am I going to do now for fun?" " I'm exhausted." " (door opens)" "What are you doing here in the house?" "I told you to cut up all the wood." "I'm bringing my gift, like everyone else does." " Here, fetch." " (sniffs)" " (screams)" " Oh!" " Ugh!" " (dog growling)" "Y'all better go get yourselves all gussied up, my darlings." " (daughter groaning)" " A prince is coming to my town!" "(train whistle wailing)" "Andale!" "(laughs)" "(train whistle blows)" "(gunshots firing)" "(gasps)" "(ringing)" "Goodness gracious, what a ruckus." "Discovering the New World requires certain sacrifices." "I suppose." "(gunfire continues)" "(yelps)" "(whistle tweeting)" "Hyah!" "(yelps, moans)" "(grunts)" "Woman:" "Oh." "Man:" "An extraordinary face, haggard by the hard climate of the West." "Very authentic." "(garbled) Your money or your life." "Allow me." "I don't understand a word you're saying, my friend." "(grunts) Gracias, señor." "What I said to you was, "Your money or your life."" "It's up to you." "For Igor's sake, would it be too much to ask to be able to play a simple game of cards without being interrupted?" "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this conversation short." "(yells)" "(grunts)" "(grunting) Whoa!" "Ah!" "(howls)" "(squawking)" "(growling)" "(train whistle tweets)" "(grunting, sighing)" "(all cheering, applauding)" "(brakes screech)" "(hissing)" "That was fantastic!" "This certainly is a new world." "Oh, my Lord." "If I can just find someone to play cards with..." "I mean some real players." "I hope you have been discreet, Mother." "As you know, we are strictly incognito here." "Oh, Vladimir." "Your mother is not a gossip and you know it." "I can assure you, my son, that I haven't breathed a word of our journey here to a single living soul." "I am sorry." "You're wonderful." "(all cheering)" "How lovely." "Thank you." " Not a word, Mother?" " Oh!" "(Mother laughs)" "Welcome, welcome, Your Highnesses, to Felicity City." "Oh!" "I am Felicity." " And what you see is all me." " (fly buzzes)" "Having you here is a great honor for simple people like us..." "I mean, like them." "Please, I'd like to introduce you to my daughters." "Melody?" "Harmony?" "Where are those girls?" "Oh, there are my dearest darlings!" " At their studies as always." " (flute tweets)" "Beautiful, aren't they?" "Oh!" "Ah!" "Who would have expected to find in such a dry and hostile-seeming place like this..." "Such tempting and juicy salads?" "It's almost a miracle." "They'll take good care of you." "Your Highness, it's all arranged." " They'll be your guardian angels." " Duchess:" "Oh!" "Oh, and there's going to be a ball in your honor tonight." "Oh." "Ha!" "A ball?" "What a stroke of luck, Mother." "I thought we were going to discover the West and its rude austerity." "Eh!" "The carriage!" "(tires screech, rumbling)" "Ah, my violin." "Sheriff:" "The law is unequivocal." "Train attacks are a crime." "Yes indeed, I gotta make a point here." "(jaw harp twanging)" "(grunts)" "As if I didn't already have enough to do, thanks to Felicity." "Now I'm forced to be a flunky for the tourists." "Um, Cinderella, uh uh uh..." "It's true." "I mean, who cares about some stuffy prince and duchess of so-and-so?" "Prince Vladimir Semyonovich Sergeyev Pichikov," " at your service." " (laughs)" "And your name is?" "Uh, my name?" "Well, it's... it's more of a nickname, really." "It's Cinderella." "Her name is Cinderella." "Well, Cinderella, if you don't mind, I'll take my violin with me." "It's fragile." "And the rest?" "I mean your luggage, should I take it to..." "To the saloon, yes." "Could I please have my violin back now?" "Yes." " All right, then." " The violin." " Give him back his violin." " Right!" "Thank you." "So long, cowgirl." "(chuckling)" "Got something to say, Little Cloud?" "Silence is the friend of he who wants an unbroken nose." "(sniffs)" "Sheriff:" "Oh!" "What an awful waste." "Do you ever think about your mother?" "Imagine her extreme disappointment." " (bolt clicking)" " Sheriff:" "Yep!" "Well, underneath it all, I'm sure you're sorry." "Bleh!" "Bleh!" "(squawking)" "Yes, yes, yes!" "I won again." "No, you didn't." "You cheated again." "Oh!" "Vladimir!" "Oh!" "My cruel, torturing, pitiless, heartless son." "You are still angry at your poor old mother, aren't you?" "Okay, okay, okay!" "I announced our arrival." "But in the end, what does it change, hmm?" "What does it change?" " (crowd cheering)" " Absolutely nothing, Mother." "(girl squealing)" "Felicity:" "Everything's got to be perfect!" "First one to slack off gets buried in the desert, you hear me?" "So, Harmony, can you lend me your girdle, the one that makes me look skinny?" "Oh!" "You are such a little cheapskate." "Huh?" "Check it out, Melody." "Cinderella's trying to look like a girl!" "(Melody laughing) She looks ridiculous." "Come on, just let me through." "Ow!" "Don't touch me with those filthy little paws of yours." "What's going on over here?" "Ma!" "Cinderella just tried to poke Harmony's eye out." "You gotta punish her, Ma." "Ha ha!" "Give her what she deserves." " Go on and get ready, my darlings." " (Harmony laughing)" "Now as for you, you ungrateful little wretch, how dare you try to mangle my precious little beauties on the very day a prince has come here to my town?" "Get lost!" "Get out of here, vermin!" "(Cinderella sighs)" "I want you packed up and out of my saloon!" "I'll be glad to get rid of you once and for all!" "(both grunting)" "Oh." "Is something wrong, Cinderella?" "No, not really." "I mean, I just..." "I..." "I gotta go." "She is shy, isn't she?" "No?" "A little wild, perhaps?" "(rider yells)" "Whoa!" "(grunts, screams)" "Argh!" "What have I done to deserve you worthless bunch of lazy, brainless, good-for-nothing idiots?" "You are not even capable of attacking a stupid train." "Must I survive on a paltry diet of cactus and vulture eggs?" "Madre mío!" " (ship horn bellowing) - (laughs)" "No." "I am sorry." "It is my fault." "I am the one responsible." "(chuckles)" "Sí, my compañeros." "Sí, sí." "I know, I still have much work to do on my management skills." "(laughs)" "Give me that, amigo." " (thumps) - (yells)" "There, that should be enough to motivate all of you." "Or should I toss another?" "(bird squawking)" "Rider:" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "(grunting)" "Argh!" "Where have you been?" "What took you so long?" "Jefe, on the train there was a young prince and also an old duchess." "A prince and a duchess?" "Sí." "They got huge rings the size of ostrich eggs." "Rings like ostrich eggs?" "They're in town?" "Sí, jefe." "I saw them like I see you now." "The prince was talking to Cinderella and Little Cloud." "And is this Mad Storm a friend of the prince and duchess?" "No, jefe, no." "(laughs)" "His name is not Mad Storm, jefe." "His name is actually Little Cloud, you see." "Little Cloud... ugh!" "(laughs)" "Amigos, we're back in business." "Here, take this, amigo." "That's for bringing me the good news." "Thank you, jefe." "(screams)" "And that's for getting caught by the stupid sheriff." "What are you waiting for, then?" "Go there and find them!" "Andale!" "Bring them back here, but not the Mad Storm and his troublesome little pest." "(screeches)" "Whoa!" "(groaning)" "(yelps)" "Hmm." "(jackals howl)" "Harmony: ♪ Go and get the pretty daisies... ♪" "Felicity:" "Ah, so gracious!" "Unforgettable voice." "To think I traveled all the way across the country just to hear this." "♪ ...and black widows ♪" "♪ Go and get some big wildflowers ♪" "♪ If you go down nature's path... ♪" "Uh, madam, your lovely daughters deserve the very best." "Oh, yes." "If I could only find each of them a husband." "♪ Bring me pretty poppies ♪" "♪ If you go out to the fair ♪" "♪ Yeah, please bring me pretty poppies ♪" "♪ Or I'll shave off all my hair!" "♪" "So, my lovely little prince, you should check out my darling daughters." "Spittin' image of their mother, don't you think?" "Spitting is indeed the right word." "(music playing)" "(all chattering)" "Duchess:" "What a lovely evening." "I'm having such a wonderful time." "After that horrid trip, this game is exactly what I needed." "Oh!" "Full house!" "Oh!" "Duchess:" "He's so sad, poor man." "(laughs)" "Melody:" "♪ Please bring me pretty poppies... ♪" "You heard good what Felicity said, right, Bob?" "Yeah, Bob." ""Only our princesses are entitled to be beautiful tonight."" "Yeah, Bob." "Melody:" "♪ ..." "I'll shave off all my hair!" "♪" "Ah, you ain't pretty." "Go on in." "Hey, Bob, are you sure?" "She had lots of charm." "No, she didn't." "(sobbing)" "If you're trying to humor me, I'm not in the mood." "You know, Cinderella, when you were only as tall as a baby sparrow, your mother made me promise to watch over you." "Wow!" "Well, isn't that great?" "We get to hear the party instead of going to it." "This is it, Cinderella." "It's time." "I'm going to help you." "You're going to the ball." "No way." "If I go there, I'm toast." "And you can't help me." "You can't even put your boots on by yourself." "You're right about that." "But what about the bandit ship in the shifting sands?" "That and, well, what's the other time when you... well..." "I was... well, the bandit ship... don't forget, that was me." "(sighs)" "I am a shaman, don't forget." "I may be a little old and gray, but believe me, you will go to the ball." "(tambourine rattling)" "(howls)" "(speaking gibberish)" "What are you doing, Little Cloud?" " What is all this?" " Shh." "Admire how one summons the celestial creatures." " (babbling) - (sparking)" "Mmm, I don't get it." "I must have skipped a tambourine bit." "But no worries." "You must stay positive." "I know I'll get it." " Well, it's been fun..." " (gurgling) ...but maybe you should cut back on the cactus juice." "(turkeys gobbling)" "(singing)" "(gobbling)" "(chanting, gobbling continue)" "Ooh!" "The visitor will be blown away when he sees you." " Good job." " (applause)" "(all hooting, applauding)" "Excuse me, but it's time for me to retire into the arms of Morpheus." "Huh?" "Who the heck is that?" "Aw, lucky her!" "(distant voices overlapping)" "Huh?" "Hey, no way, miss." "You're way too pretty." "Yeah, sorry." "(thumping)" "(music playing)" " Isn't she pretentious?" " Scandalous!" "Good evening, miss." "Please allow me to introduce myself." " I am..." " Prince Vladimir Piffpov." "Talk of the town, it seems." " Eh, Pichikov." " A pleasure." "May I... could I perhaps offer you..." "Offer me a drink?" "Of course." "Two, please." "To the Wild West and its beautiful ladies." " (coughs)" " Stuff's pretty harsh, isn't it?" "The apple aftertaste caught me off guard." "It tastes very good." "(squeaking)" " Shall we dance?" " (tango music resumes)" "Incredible!" "I throw a ball with the prince and he slips through your hands?" "Who is this woman?" "Huh?" " I don't know, Ma." " It must be Morpheus." "Come on!" "What are you waiting for, dummies?" "We're not going to let that stranger swipe our prince." "Go on, get moving!" "Vladimir:" "Don't look now, but I think we're being followed." "They're just jealous." "Jealous?" "But of whom?" " Well..." " Do you mean of you?" "What do you say you and I lose them?" "Something I've wanted to do for quite some time." "Both:" "Aw!" "Ma!" "Don't worry, my little darlings." "We have other means." "Come on, you, time for you to do your job." "You are gonna get your prize." "I promise." "Oh, oh, oh!" "No, no, you mustn't be shy now." "Let's continue to play, shall we?" "May I be so bold as to tempt fate with you and join your little game?" "(yells)" "Duchess:" "Why, of course!" "The more, the merrier." "If you would, go easy on me, madam." "It's my very first time playing." "Oh!" "You're a beginner." "How marvelous." "We're going to have some real fun now." "I'm almost certain of it." "(cackling)" "Mmm!" "Ho ho!" "(Felicity laughing)" "Ah!" "Ha ha!" "Oh!" "(chips rattling)" "(cackling)" "Felicity:" "I guess I really smoked you, didn't I?" " (laughing)" " I think it's time for me to retire." "When I lose, I don't tolerate arrogance and crass vulgarity very well." "Oh, now, please don't be upset, Your Excellency." "It's just a case of beginner's luck." "Hey, how about you and I play one last hand?" " If you win, you take it all." " Oh?" "But if I win, you give me your son's hand for one of my darling daughters." "(both giggling)" "Oh ho ho ho ho!" "I've never heard of anything so ridiculous." "What do you take me for?" "Hey, I'm just saying." "You really lost big." "Fortunes change, as I'm sure you know." "Unless you like losing?" "Hit me." "(growls softly)" "(squawking)" "Ha ha!" "(Felicity cackling)" "(Melody, Harmony laughing)" "Felicity:" "We're gonna be royal!" "Can you believe it?" "We're gonna be royal, my darlings!" "And that makes us the "cream de la cream."" "The cream de la cream!" "That's what we are!" "I love cream, though!" "Maybe we'll even have ourselves a butler!" "(all laughing)" "I beg you, let me play another round to earn back the hand of my son." "What?" "Did she just belch somethin'?" "Ha ha ha ha!" "You don't "tolerate vulgarity," huh?" "Well, now, you're just going to have to live with it!" "(laughs)" "Vladimir:" "So beautiful." "Cinderella:" "The desert is... wow." "Vladimir:" "Yes, this moonbeam from heaven delicately revealing the gentle dunes, soft and round." " And this mouth..." " Mouth?" "(laughs) What mouth?" "This one." "Your face is my landscape, treasure at the end of the world." "Wait, listen." "I need..." "I need to tell you something." "I'm not the girl you think I am." "Undoubtedly." "An angel that falls from heaven inevitably hides a mystery." "Oh, boy, you sure can talk." " (squawking)" " Hey, what's going on?" "!" " Cinderella:" "Hey!" " Whoa oh oh!" "Oh, no, this is not happening." "Not now." "(squawking)" "Come and get it, pretty boy." " (grunts)" " Whoa!" "Hyah!" "Whoa!" "Intimidating, isn't she?" "Cinderella:" "This might get a little bumpy, Your Highness." "Vladimir:" "I certainly hope so." "Whoo-hoo!" "(yelps)" "(grunts)" "Vladimir:" "Whoa-aa!" "(laughs)" "Okay, amigos." " (Captain gasps) - (Felicity growls)" "What are y'all doing here, you big dummies?" " (bird squawking)" " Huh?" "(yells)" "(all shouting)" " Melody:" "What the heck?" " Harmony:" "Incredible!" "(bell rings)" "So what's your pleasure, Your Highness?" "Mmm, a shot of cactus juice." "Make it a double." "First mate:" "Your attention, please." "May I have your attention, please?" "This is a kidnapping." "Cooperate and no one will be hurt." "Cinderella:" "Except you." "Hey." "Oh!" "The duchess!" "The duchess!" " (slaps)" " Oh!" "Ha ha, amazing." "Truly remarkable." "Ugh!" "(laughs) Oh!" "My dear man, if you want a dance with me, you'll have to be a lot more sophisticated than this." "Perhaps... whoo!" "Put down my mother." "Ah!" "Right... whew." "Come on, come on, come on, come on." "(laughs)" "Harmony:" "That's it, Ma!" "Watch out." "You got it, Ma!" "No, left, Ma." "Go left." " (gasps)" " Get out of the way." "Oh, oh, this is so much fun!" "Oh, Vladimir, this is fantastic." "It reminds me of the days of my youth." "Stay right there, Mother." "You'll be fine." " Vladimir?" " Yes?" "You're never going to forgive me." "Oh, those horrid cards." "Come to the point, Mother." "I made a huge mistake... an enormous mistake." "So did I. I fell in love." "You did?" "Is she here?" "I want to see her." "There, with the chair." "Hyah!" "Howdy." " Ah!" " Hey." " Cinderella:" "Ahh!" " Please, I don't have time for you now." "Bunch of bumpkins!" " Ow." " (turkey gobbling)" "Wait a minute." "Why are you here?" " (jackal howling)" " Oh, bison's horns!" "I forgot to tell her that the magic stops working at the twelfth cry of the jackal." "Hey, what's happening to me?" "Oh, that rotten little shaman and his two-bit magic." "(grunts)" " (groans)" " Whoa!" "No!" "Please let me go." "You should know that I love fine clothes, jewels and refinements, but that goes without saying." "Oh!" "(both grunting)" " Ah!" " Felicity:" "Good job, my girl." "(grunts)" "(groans) Who let these lowlifes in?" " (all shouting)" " Vladimir:" "Wait, Mother." " Stop them." "They've got my mother." " Pirates:" "We gotta get out of here!" "Hey, come back here!" "Y'all follow me." "Mother!" "(rifle cocking) Give me back my royals or I'll pulverize you!" "(rapid gunfire)" "(pirates yelping)" "We must go after them." "There must be some way we can stop them and get my mother back." "(grunts)" "Take him to my place." "Felicity, you've gone too far this time." "As an officer of honest folks' good night's sleep," "I must remind you of the laws pertaining to unruly noises." "(puffs)" "Okay." "(Vladimir sighing)" "(twangs)" "(murmurs) My princess..." "Well, it looks like our young prince here is gonna live." "My princess!" "I have to go save my princess." "(laughs) I'm afraid you can't, 'cause you're getting married tomorrow." "He's cute, ain't he?" "Vladimir:" "I'm getting married tomorrow?" "Is that some kind of joke?" "Nah, you're ours, baby." "I won you at cards." "(crashes)" "Cards?" "Mother, what have you done?" "Um, I like sports, animals, hiking in the woods, and getting caught in a summer rain." "Oh, you know what I like?" "I like goin' shopping, real loud country music, and cuddling by the fire." "(giggles)" "This is just one big nightmare." "I'm sorry, sweet ladies, but my heart is already taken by a mysterious beauty." "I'll marry the one who lost this tooth for me." "Melody:" "He's into teeth?" "But my most pressing need right now is to go save my mother and..." "Hush, my prince." " We're all one big family now." " (grunts)" "You'll catch on." "We already love you." " (birds squawking)" " First mate:" "Amigos!" "(all applauding)" "Gracias, gracias." "Muchas gracias." "Duchess:" "Vladimir?" "Vladimir?" "(all laughing)" "(rattling)" "(gasps) Oh!" "Oh ho ho!" "Traveling under these horrible conditions!" "This had better be worth it, gentlemen." "Uh... the woman with sickly, pale skin wears big, beautiful stones that shine just like diamonds." "(laughs) That's because they are diamonds." "You poor, ignorant miscreant little clown." "(all laughing)" "Dark Lopez will scalp your wig and read the weather report with your intestines." "(growls) What's wrong with you people?" "You're embarrassing me." "What do I need louts like you for?" "You're all savages." "(grunts)" "Ah, my lady Duchess." "(laughs)" "With whom do I have the honor?" "Capitán Barbazul." "But my friends call me jefe." "Oh ha ha!" "You remind me of a distant cousin, sir..." " admiral of the Imperial Fleet." " Ho ho ho!" "My dear Duchess, we've barely met each other and we're already exchanging compliments." "He was a drunk... a disgrace to the family." "(all laughing)" "You are ticklish like a small bubble of champagne." "Allow me to accompany you to your quarters." "This way." "Why, yes, of course." "I was beginning to worry." "(rattling, squeaks)" "Where is the other half of my business, you idiot?" " Where is the prince?" " Mi capitán... there was a little bit of a complication." "A complication?" "Ah." "Another blow from that damn Big Storm and his irritating little pest." "No, jefe." "They were there this time." "And as I told you, he's not called Big Storm, jefe, but... (gags) he's called Little Cloud." "Oh!" "Duchess:" "I'm waiting!" "I am all yours, lady Duchess." "(laughs)" "I want him, you hear me?" "If not, you'll be eating sand for the rest of eternity." " (grunts) - (moaning)" "Oh, what a waste." "It was a brand-new one." "Vladimir:" "It's simple." "You set me free, I don't marry anyone, and you keep the ladies for yourselves." "Everyone wins." "Got it?" " Bob?" " Uh, not really." "Well, hmm..." "What is that thing?" "Uh, a violin." " Huh?" " Uh, a musical instrument." "No?" "Uh, a piece of wood." "Oh." "(plays lullaby)" "(Bob smacking lips)" " (music continues)" " I'm the one he wants." " No." " (Melody snoring)" "I'm the one." "I'm gonna have to remember to get rid of that stupid guitar." "Can't be putting up with that every day." "Cinderella:" "We can't just leave him there like that." "Little Cloud:" "Whoa." "A squaw in love is more careless than a blind chick on the edge of a canyon." " If you say I'm in love one more time..." " (chuckles)" "It's beside the point." "I'd do this for anybody." "(lullaby continues)" "If you're thinking he'll remember you, then you might as well forget it." "I don't care if he remembers me." "I am what I am." "So you don't want to get married after all?" "(laughs) He's just kidding." "We'd better get a move on." "We can't stay here." "You?" "Oh, it's just you." " Good to see you too." " Sorry." "I took you for someone else..." " a young lady." " You trying to say I'm not one?" "No, what I'm trying to say is... there was a young woman." "And never mind." "Okay, enough with all the papoose talk." "Look, we must leave this place quickly if you want to find old "Squaw Feathers."" " He means your mother." " Mm-hmm." "(dog barking)" ""This is the reason why, by this certified document," "I hereby officially appoint Capitán Ignatius Lopez Santamaria Barbazul"... that's me..." ""as sole inheritor of my lands, properties and related structures..."" "Humph." "(groaning, sighs)" " Eh!" " (snake rattles)" " (groans)" " Uh-oh." "There, all it needs is your signature now." "Oh, I see." "And afterward, what, may I ask, do you intend to do with me?" "Afterwards?" "Uh, Duchess, afterwards..." "I'm afraid once we're finished, I must kill you." "(gasps) No, really?" "Please understand, it is rather difficult to inherit from someone who is still alive." "The paperwork alone would be overwhelming." "Oh oh oh!" "You pretend to be tough, but my intuition says otherwise." "I know..." "let's play a few hands, shall we?" "(grumbling)" "Let my rattlers take care of her, jefe." " (snakes rattle)" " She'll sign that before sunrise." " Oh oh oh!" " Silencio!" " Duchess?" " (moans)" "Duchess, it's a privilege to have someone of your stature aboard." "I will agree to postpone your signing out of respect for your royal person-ness." "Oh, you are too kind." "Tell me, sir, would you please ask your manservant there to fetch me a nice pot of sarsaparilla?" "(groans) His manservant?" "I am Dark Lopez the Bandit!" "Son of Carbon XIV the Nefarious!" " I have..." " You heard what the lady said." "Go and find her some sarsaparilla." "Go to Hades and back if necessary." "(violin whines)" "Helping a stranger like you're doing with me... it's so rare." " It's... it's magical." "Oh!" " (ostrich moans)" "I really don't want to seem ungrateful, old man, but could you possibly give me back my violin?" " No." " Okay." "I see." "(violin whines)" "Could you please play a little more gently then?" " It's fragile." " (scraping)" " (ostrich honks)" " Ahh!" "(laughs)" "F-sharp is always a little bit awkward for me." "I'm happy to entertain, but my heart's not really into it." "No, my mother has been abducted by dangerous, Iawless bandits, and I myself barely escaped the horror of a shotgun marriage all to be stuck out here in the middle of nowhere with a tone-deaf Indian and a pigtailed cowgirl." "What?" "Did he say "pigtailed cowgirl"?" "Ah, sorry, I seem to have forgotten myself." "It's the stress." "We pull him from Felicity's claws, offer to save his mother, and this is the thanks we get?" "The sign of the scorpion never touches the royal pony." "Or is it the sign of the horse?" "I can never remember." "Well, if he thinks he's so clever, he can go save his duchess by himself." " Chicken!" " Chicken?" "My ancestors were proud conquerors." "I laugh at the smell of danger." "(laughs)" "Without question, Cinderella, your prince has class." "He's not my prince." "(Bobs snoring)" "Uh..." "Oh, my prince!" "(grunting)" "Where's my prince?" "Make me forget that I should smash you both like the bugs you are." "We'll find him, my darlings." "He's our son, our sweet cream icing, our hot cherry turnover." "Heads up, Ma!" " Should we go left or right?" " Straight ahead!" " (grunts) - (girls scream)" "Come on, gallop faster, you overgrown imbeciles!" "(laughing dumbly)" "(violin whines)" " (ostrich groans) - (grunts)" "(grunts)" "This animal is just unmanageable." "Sometimes the F-sharp is a little bit awkward." "Need a hand, Prince?" "Ah." "Uh, thank you, Cinderella." "Little cloud, could you please stop playing?" "You're torturing my poor ostrich." "Can't you see that?" "Oh, brother, here you go." "It's a Stradivarius knockoff made from really cheap wood, if you ask me." "(chuckles) Strings made in the South Pole." "Your violin is a piece of dung." "If you please, old man, I do not intend to discuss this with you, all right?" "Your violin looks like a drum." "Little Cloud is quite unique." "You've known him a long time, I gather?" "Since forever." "He's my guardian." "Mmm." "It's important to have friends you can rely on." "So do you have a sweetheart?" "Um, well, I don't know." "That'll depend on a lot of things." "Ah, it seems I've hit a sore spot." "(distant squawking)" "Whoa." "This looks like a perfect place for us to rest for the night before we head into Barbazul's territory." "And I hope the soothing darkness of night will give some courage to my little Blind Chick." "Blind Chick is your nickname?" " Why?" "Got a problem with that?" " Not at all." "A blind chick is very cute and quite easy to catch." "Duchess:" "Ah!" "Full house." "(groans) The fates are against me." "First it's that Mad Storm and his annoying little pest." "And now a duchess who always wins!" "Oh ho ho ho!" "They say unlucky at cards means lucky in love." "(footsteps approaching)" "This isn't what I usually eat." "What is it?" "I gave your manservant a recipe for a fine omelet." "It's made Princess-of-Tuscany style." "An omelet?" "Ha, my lady Duchess, it's a marvel!" "A triumph!" "It's a total catastrophe." "You put too much nutmeg in it." "That's right!" "There's way too much nutmeg in this." "What were you thinking, you imbecile?" "Don't you even know how to make a simple omelet?" "Start over!" "Go on!" "Honestly, I just don't know what to do with him anymore." "Perhaps you might try imposing a Iittle... hard-nosed discipline." " (thumping)" " Ahh!" "(groans)" "(laughs)" " How was that, huh?" " Not bad." "I think perhaps a little bit too nice." "Too nice?" "!" "We'll see how nice I am when I lay my hands on your son, Duchess." "It'll be your signature on the paper or his head in my hand." "And we'll see if you think I'm nice then." "Oh ho ho ho ho!" "My son?" "But my dear friend, my son will cut you to pieces." "Bring the next dish!" "(groans)" "Vulture sashimi filleted and cold-wrapped, in fresh-cut green beans picked from the garden this very morning." "(snarls)" "(gulps)" "Little cloud, I congratulate you." "This little impromptu shish kabab is wonderful." "Oh, yes, my friend." "Country rats are always better than city ones." " Ugh!" " (Cinderella laughs)" "Beautiful night." "Moonlight is ideal for opening hearts." " You think?" " Yes, I do." "Don't you worry, Prince." "We will get your mother back." "I'm not too worried." "I've got one feisty mother." "It's really those bandits who should be worried." "Then what's eating you, huh?" "Oh, well, I guess I can tell you." "Last night at the ball, I had a revelation." "Uh, what do you mean?" "Last night I fell, Cinderella... fell in love with a girl so beautiful she makes the stars blush." "Everything about her exudes feminine perfection, incomparable grace..." "charming and quite slim." "A bit like you, really, except she's..." "Oh, you should have seen her in action." "Speaking of which... ha ha..." "this is her tooth." "She lost it while bravely fighting the intruders by my side." "And afterwards, she disappeared." " Um, about the tooth..." " Yes?" "A lifelong commitment because of a tooth... does that really make sense?" "Well, it's not glamorous, but..." "Well, forget your toothless princess." "There are lots of princesses," " some of them pigtailed." " I love pigtails." "Hey, Vladimir, look around you with your heart." "(laughs) Are you talking about you?" "No, I'm talking about Felicity... a huge princess and no pigtails." "Excuse me, Cinderella." "You're so nice." "I mean it." "(violin playing)" "Hmm, I smell bad vibes." "I don't think he's into pigtailed cowgirls." "'Night." " (music continues)" " Felicity:" "Cinderella." "(girls sobbing)" "Smoke that little vermin good." "Oh, this music is so romantic." " What are you waiting for?" " (sobbing)" "I can't do it... because of the prince's piece of wood." "Oh, give me that, you idiot." "(bullets whistle)" "Cinderella:" "Take cover!" "Get in the wagon." "We'll crush 'em with it." "It'll be cleaner that way." "It is said that where the bear can slip through, the tiny mouse cannot." "No, wait, it's the opposite." "Anyway, follow me!" "So what do tiny mice do now?" "I'm not really sure." "I should consult my peace pipe when I can." "Any bright ideas, Your Serene Highness?" "Uh, parry and thrust, charge with gusto?" " I am still thinking." " Okay, so it's up to me." "You two keep going!" "Hey, Felicity, did you lose your prince?" "Too bad!" "Guess he didn't want a big bag of mashed potatoes like you" " for a mother-in-law!" " (grunts)" " (bomb whistling)" " Hyah!" "(gasps) Cinderella really dressed you down, Ma." "That's just not right." "Get her!" "Get that little vermin!" "(growls)" " Idiots, can't you go any faster?" " Both:" "Yeah!" " Felicity:" "Hey!" "Ah-hh!" " (gunfire rattling)" "Let's fall back now!" "(grunting)" "Hey, stop!" "You hear me?" "Stop!" "(grunts) What are you doing?" "All right, make music!" " (violin scrapes) - (Cinderella grunts)" "(all yell)" "(Little Cloud laughing)" "Like I keep saying," "F-sharp is always a little bit awkward." "(laughs)" "(Harmony grunting)" "(Felicity yelling) Cinderella!" "(grunts)" " Ah-hh!" " Ah!" "That was great." "Very tasty." "Ah, it's pretty good, this sarsaparilla." " The duchess knows her stuff." " Yeah." " This is fair trade, no?" " Definitely." "(whispering) Barbazul's men are close by." "We must be cautious as the beaver and silent as the earthworm." "Doo doo doo doo!" "My, it's truly magnificent here." "Or as my princess would say, "Wow!"" "Hey, what is it, champ?" "You see something over there?" "Never speak again unless you want to get us all shot." "And enough about that princess." "It's getting really old." " Pardon?" " "Wow!"" " Your princess sounds ridiculous." " Listen, I will not permit you to..." "Shh." "Silent as the earthworm, remember?" "Do you hear that, Little Cloud?" "And where was your little dancer when Felicity was putting her claws into you?" "And who was saving your skin making you shut up when you were screaming like some lunatic when you needed to be sil..." "Silent as the worm." "And cautious as the beaver." "(birds singing)" "(squawking)" "Hyah!" "Little Cloud:" "Hide!" "Quickly as you can!" "Cinderella:" "Hyah!" "Oof!" "Argh!" "Hey, Cinderella!" "(screeching)" "(garbled shouting)" "(fly buzzing)" "Okay..." "Okay." " Okay." " Huh?" "Everybody do as the old shaman does." "Okay, come along now." "(grunts)" "Go, go, go, go, go!" "Go!" "And now we go." "(grunts)" "Come on, Prince." "Let's go." "Thanks, little cowgirl." "Aw, forget it, Prince Blah-Blah Whatever." "Hey!" "Look over there." "It's a big cave." "Let's go." "(humming)" "Hey, can't you ever stop goofing off?" " (grunts) - (gasps)" "(rumbles)" "(bird squawking)" "Follow the old shaman." "Hurry!" "(Little Cloud laughing)" "(grunting) Ah!" "Ooh-ow!" "That's prickly." "Hey, Ma, can we take a breather?" "Nah!" "We ain't stopping till we find our little prince and the filthy vermin who helped him." "Hope that heat didn't get him and bake his brain." "Those fools should have never let him out of that room without his little hat." " (grunts)" " Move it, you big ugly beast!" "(Bob laughs)" "This is for you, Cinderella." "Why have you helped me like this, Cinderella, with all the risks and dangers involved?" "What do you think?" "I don't know." "You're kind of an angel... an angel fallen from heaven." " Cinderella?" " Yes?" " Would you smile for me?" " What for?" "Because I need to know." "And if for once you say that me, Cinderella," " am this princess of your dreams..." " Huh?" "No more lovey-dovey talk!" "We've got a problem." "We'll soon be leaving the belly of the earth and not in a good way." "Hang on!" "(all shouting)" "Hold on like a mouse to a baby's skull!" "(both screaming)" "(squawking)" "(Cinderella grunts)" "Well, then, considering where I am, it seems the great shaman's journey ends here." "(bird squawks)" "Bueno!" "Jefe will be very happy when I bring to him this excellent news." "Ow!" "Ah, jefe!" "If you would just listen..." "Disturbing me while I'm making macaroons for the duchess." "I ought to hang you." "But, jefe, on the deck!" "Look, you'll see!" "I was right in the middle of preparing the custard... the most important part." " Ahh!" " (grunts)" "(grunting)" "Barbazul:" "Bueno!" "Now we can finally get down to the business at hand." "(laughs) Go and get the duchess." "Yi-ii!" "Here is your sombrero, jefe." " Oh!" "Madre de Dios!" " (garbled groaning)" "I told you to never let that little pest on board." "Now that she's here, Big Storm can't be far away." "Not Big Storm, jefe." "His name is Little..." "Ah!" "Welcome." "We've been impatiently waiting for you." "I'm so glad to see you aboard my ship." " You are too kind." " (Cinderella grunts)" "Ah!" "How I hate that infuriating little pest." "Tie her up right away!" "You may wish to be a bit more respectful to her." "She might summon Big Storm after all." "Believe me, that would be a bad idea." "Vladimir!" "You've finally come!" "Just in time to have tea." "Well, not exactly a proper tea, since someone who will remain nameless walked away and didn't finish making the macaroons!" "(laughs)" "Lady Duchess, that no longer matters, for I regret to inform you that teatime has been canceled." "Mother, you are incomparable." "Oh!" "I see you've brought someone along to keep you company." "Now who is this charming little pigtailed cowgirl?" "(garbled) Jeez, it must run in the family." " Her name is Cinderella." " Hmm, she's a big pest." "Thanks to her, we're here." "You have no idea the many dangers her and I have faced together." "Why didn't you call us?" "We would have rushed to your aid." "Isn't that right, Barba?" "(grunts) This one to the mast, securely attached so she can't get away." "Andale!" "If my princess could be here, she would beat these little bandits up." "Cinderella:" "Hmm hmm hmm!" "Enough of this!" "The time has come to sign the paper, Duchess." "Oh ho ho ho ho!" "My poor friend, you actually believe my son will let you do that?" "(laughs)" "(grunts)" "Ah!" "Well, unfortunately, Mother," "I just might disappoint you this time." "(grunting)" "Barbazul:" "Listen to me, Duchess, on this ship, when you dive, you do not return alive." "Oh, I see." "You're making threats now?" "I am so disappointed in you." "I mean, really now." "I never imagined so petty." "(growls)" " (cannon blasts)" " Whoa ho!" "Ahh!" "Whoa-ah!" "Whoa-aa!" "Everyone to your stations." "Prepare for combat, on the double!" "(Cinderella moaning)" " (cannonfire blasting)" " Mmm!" "(ship creaking)" "(birds squawking)" "Be sure not to do anything to my prince, you idiot." " Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." " Uh-huh, uh-huh." "(rumbling)" "(moaning)" "Felicity, you little witch!" "Get them immediately!" "Make macaroons of them." "Hurry!" "(cannonfire blasting)" "(ship creaking)" "Duchess:" "Oh!" "Jefe, we are done for!" "Keep bailing, you useless bunch of idiots!" "You're worthless." "I'm so sorry, jefe." "I'll go grab your Parmesan." " And I will go get the nutmeg." " Jefe?" "Jefe?" "We are out of sarsaparilla." "(Duchess laughing)" "Hyah!" "(grunting)" "Barbazul:" "Deserters!" "Cowards!" "Sheep!" "Get back here!" "How dare you abandon ship right in the middle of a battle?" "I'll skin every one of you alive!" "Excuse me, but I believe I can definitely say with a boldness that even amazes me that you will not be skinning anyone alive." "(grunts)" "Bueno, then I'll have to settle for shortening your line of succession." "Do not worry, my princess." "I'm coming." " Hyah!" " Ha ha." "You can try to escape, but that's not going to happen." "I'm going to cut you into pieces!" "(grunts) Then I'm going to feed you to the fishes!" "Ha ha!" "Got you." "You know, just between you and me," "I prefer you to the one at the ball." "(Cinderella grunts)" "I'm gonna take you apart!" "Oh!" "I'll squash you... like a tiny little bug!" "(grunts)" "Oof!" "Believe me, I know Vladimir." "There are some looks that cannot lie." "Mother, please, it's very hard to concentrate with you talking on incessantly." "Sí." "I am sorry, but I must agree." "What I am doing here is muy importante." "Excuse me, my dears." "Carry on." "We'll just watch." " (grunting) - (laughing)" " Huh?" "Huh?" " Ahh!" "Olé!" "(Harmony moans)" "Ahh!" " Huh?" " (blasts)" "Duchess:" "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" " Oh!" " (grunts)" "(garbled) Ah, no, no, no!" "Oh!" "Thank you." "Enough of all this kidding around." "Duchess, you must sign now." "You sound like a broken record." "It's getting quite tiresome, you know." "No offense, but I really think you should strongly consider" " a new line of work." " (grunts)" "Oh!" "What is happening?" "But then again, who am I to say?" " You certainly are original." " (Barbazul grunting)" "Thank you again for being so decisive, but about this tooth I have... can I please have a smile?" " You never give up, do you?" " (gunfire popping)" "I'm wondering, Your Grace..." "Your girlfriends were missing you." "You didn't feel welcome enough with us, so you decided to see the country?" "Right, we certainly do have a lot to talk about." "But for the moment, this vessel is sinking, so it's not really the time or..." "Wrong!" "We'll pick things up right where we left off." "Now you're all ours." "Bring me the captain." "Felicity:" "And you, nasty little beast, wait till you see what I have in store for you." " Right, darlings?" " Yeah, it's gonna be the best." "First up, we're gonna scratch your eyes right out of your head." "Second, we're gonna cut off one of your legs." "It'll be too funny to see you limping." "And third, we're not sure, but we'll think of something." "(grunting)" "Ah!" "(grunts)" "Felicity:" "Come on!" "(laughs)" "But, Felicity, there must be some kind of misunderstanding." "clam up!" "You're the captain, right?" "You can marry people, right?" "So marry us." "Both:" "Uh, yeah!" "But this is crazy, Ma." "He's mine, girls." "It's my turn." "I'm gonna be a princess." "Y'all hear me?" "Maybe we'll make you two a Iittle brother." "Right, Prince?" "Well, I am certainly honored by your proposal, but I really don't think so." "What are you waiting for?" "Get on with it." "We are gathered here together to celebrate the marriage..." "Skip that." "Prince, do you take Felicity here as your lawful..." " No!" " Bobs:" "Yeah, yeah!" "They said yes." "Move on." "Felicity, do you take this Prince Vladimir here to be your lawful wedded husband till death do you part?" " Cinderella:" "Bon voyage." " Duchess:" "Oh!" "My Barbazul!" "(cracking)" " (ship rumbling) - (all moaning)" "Whoa!" "Felicity:" "Help me!" "I can't get up!" "Help!" "Mother, watch out." "(Cinderella grunting)" "Hold on." "Grab my hand." "Don't go near him, you little monster." "I won him fair." "He's mine." " Prince!" " Just give me your hand." "Come on." "(grunts)" "Major heads up, Ma!" "Super major heads up, Ma!" "My prince!" "You're supposed to be mine." "I was gonna cook for you." "Daughters:" "Ma!" " Harmony:" "Ma!" " Melody:" "Help me!" "(nervous laughter)" " Not afraid?" " Afraid?" "Both:" "Ha ha!" "Whoo!" "(creaking)" "I do not want to rush you, but..." "Duchess:" "Oh!" "Who's that strange person?" "Is he a friend of yours?" "Yeah, it's Little Cloud." "Yeah, the return of the great shaman, at your service." "Hop on!" "Hurry, come on." "You mean we're going without jefe Barbazul?" "And who is this strangely dressed, smelly old man?" "Whoa." "Even a flower must wait for the rain to bathe." "Oh!" "No offense." "(boat creaking)" " The tooth!" " Cinderella:" "The tooth?" "Please come on!" "Oh, of all the stupid wild-goose chases." " Go on." " No." "When the mother hen sees the fragile chick in danger, does she leave, or does she stay?" "Exactly!" "Mother hen is really cheeky!" "(coughing)" "(fire crackling)" "Would you stop?" "This is pointless." "It's me." "I've known that for a while." "I thought you'd Iike to have all your teeth to eat our wedding cake." "(sizzling)" " Little Cloud:" "Oh oh oh!" " Vladimir!" "Oh, Cinderella." "Yee-hah!" "Duchess:" "You're a tyrant!" "A rogue assassin." "You almost made me fall over and die of grief!" "Ah, finally, Prince," "I'll be your princess." "Oh ho!" "(spits)" "(both laugh)" "Little cloud:" "Now, many moons have passed." "People have erased Felicity from their memories, and life has returned to its natural course." "As for Cinderella," "I think she's found her Prince Charming." "Nice guy... horrible musician, but nice." "And I kept my promise." "As for the little ones, they'll just have to get along without me." " (steam hissing) - (bell ringing)" "(whistle squealing)" "I'm afraid I'm not one for long goodbyes." "I hope they won't be too angry." "(violin scrapes)" "(ostrich grunts)" "Eh." "(chuckles)" "But what is certain..." "I will miss them both." "(train whistle squeals)" "(mariachi music playing)" "Ho." "Oh..." "What horrid cards." "And presto!" "Oh!" "Ah, my dear Duchess, it is a pleasure to see you again." "Oh!" "Jefe Barbazul!" "Ha." "Why don't we talk a little business?" "Oh!" "Oh-hh!" "(grunts) What is it?" "What's wrong, my dear?" "Speak to me." "Santa María, Madre de Dios!" "Oh!" "I'm such a horrible monster." "Such a mindless brute." "Oh, my Duchess, please, you can't do this to me." "I've gone through sand and fire to find you once again." "I..." "I think of you every second of the day." "Who cares about that ridiculous will?" "It's... it's you that I really want." "Santa María!" "Madre de Dios!" "Quickly, bring me the salts, some ammonia and sarsaparilla!" "♪ Un, dos, tres... ♪" "(singing in Spanish)"