"[***]" "ALL:" "* It's time for Animaniacs *" "* And we're zany to the max *" "* So just sit back and relax *" "* You'll laugh Till you collapse *" "* We're Animaniacs *" "BOTH:" "* Come join The Warner brothers *" "* And the Warner sister, Dot *" "ALL:" "* Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *" "* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *" "* But we break loose And then vamoose *" "* And now you know the plot *" "* We're Animaniacs *" "* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *" "* Wakko packs away the snacks *" "* We pay tons of income tax *" "* We're Animaniacs *" "* Meet Ralph And Dr. Scratchansniff *" "* Say hi to Hello Nurse *" "* Goodfeathers flock together *" "* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *" "* Buttons chases Mindy *" "* While Rita sings a verse *" "* The writers flipped We have no script *" "* Why bother to rehearse?" "*" "* We're Animaniacs *" "* We have pay-or-play Contracts *" "* We're zany to the max *" "* There's bologna In our slacks *" "* We're Animan-y *" "* Totally insane-y *" "WAKKO:" "*Penny Lane-y*" "* Animaniacs *" "* Those are the facts *" "[***]" "WARNERS:" "* You can see That we're black and white *" "* And we are running From our fans *" "* Riding on invisible bikes * [BELL RINGS]" "* And walking on our hands *" "* And everywhere that we go *" "* We get no peace Don't you know *" "* That's why we're running From our fans *" "* In cartoons Everything's crazy and wild *" "* In cartoons *" "* We are corrupting Your child *" "[SCREAMS]" "* You see We're doing wacky gags *" "* While we are running From our fans *" "* We're hiding behind mags *" "* And even inside Garbage cans *" "* We always get this attention At a cartoon convention *" "* So we're running From our fans *" "* Yes, we're running From our fans *" "[CROWD SCREAMING]" "RALPH:" "Ouch!" "Oof!" "Hey, you crazy fans!" "[***]" "[PANTING]" "[PANTS]" "Phew!" "I'm glad we got away from that." "The fans?" "No, that black-and-white segment." "Where have you kidses been?" "You are late." "No, I'm Dot, but you knew that." "Stop it." "You knew you'd have to answer this fan mail before the press conference." "Isn't there any for me?" "Maybe it's your hat, Wakko." "People think you're hiding something." "Oh, hey, man, I told you to keep it a secret." "[KNOCKING ON DOOR] RALPH:" "More mail for youses." "[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]" "It's for Wakko." "Gee, Wakko, where'd you find time to write those?" "I didn't write them." "Not all of them anyway." "Please, please." "This is no place for silly shenanigans." "This is a cartoon convention." "You are the guests of honor, and there are a million fans in there." "[CROWD SCREAMS]" "That guy needs a compass." "And we need an exit." "[ALL SCREAM]" "Ow!" "Ooh!" "You crazy fans!" "[SIGHS]" "Why couldn't I just work with the Olsen twins?" "[GROANS]" "[***]" "Sorry, sorry." "I'm sorry." "This way." "[CROWD SCREAMING]" "Oh, my gosh." "Aren't you--?" "No." "You look just like them." "We're not them." "We've seen them." "Really?" "What do they look like?" "They look exactly like them." "Wow, actually, now that you mention it, you really don't look like them." "No, but thanks." "ALL:" "Hello, nurse!" "[SCREAMS]" "[CROWD SCREAMING]" "[ALL WHISTLE]" "And we did all that without computers." "ALL:" "Agh!" "[CROWD SCREAMS]" "Let's go." "Time to meet the press." "[GASPS] [CROWD SCREAMS]" "RALPH:" "Ooh!" "Huh!" "You crazy fans!" "Which comic book character would you most like to work with?" "Michelle Pfeiffer." "She's not a comic book character." "Don't get technical." "What do you like best about fame?" "The scene where Irene Cara dances on a car." "Should your mean cartoons have more lessons instructing children in acceptable behavior within the group dynamic?" "Oh, yes." "That, and this." "I think just this." "[GRUNTS]" "I will be heard." "Now, shouldn't your nasty cartoons express values that are kind and gentle?" "Yes." "Kind, gentle" "And heavy." "You may think that's funny, but what about the people?" "What do the people want?" "ALL:" "* They want to laugh, laugh *" "* They want to laugh Laugh *" "* They want to laugh Laugh, laugh *" "* You say you're gonna make A feature film *" "* With animation really fine *" "* You say it's gonna be A preachy film *" "* With a heartfelt storyline *" "* Just make sure That it's good and funny *" "* 'Cause toons ought To make you laugh *" "ALL:" "* They want to laugh, laugh *" "* They want to laugh, laugh *" "* They want to laugh Laugh, laugh *" "[CROWD SCREAMING]" "[RALPH SCREAMS]" "[CROWD SCREAMING] [TEETH CHATTERING]" "[***]" "Poit!" "Narf." "[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]" "At last, Pinky, we've gotten an audience with the pope." "Here's the address." "[CROWD CHEERING]" "I don't know if I can take it." "Don't worry, sibs, there's one thing that will divert their attention." "Everyone, please." "I have an announcement." "We know you like us, and thank you." "But we are just three silly cartoon characters." "Friends, you should be focusing your attention on bigger, more important things." "Like what?" "[***]" "Like, uh, Pinky and the Brain." "There they are!" "[CROWD SCREAMS]" "Agh!" "Ah!" "Well, let's go home, sibs." "I think our job here is done." "BOTH:" "* We're running from our fans *" "* Yes, we are running From our fans *" "ANNOUNCER:" "It's time for another Good Idea, Bad Idea." "Good idea." "Buying a pair of shoes on sale." "Bad idea." "Buying a parachute on sale." "The end." "[SIGHS]" "WARNERS:" "* She's a cranky old critter *" "* She's bitter, we warn ya *" "* She lives in a tree house In Burbank, California *" "* Along with her nephew He says, "Spew" *" "* He's cheerful Then his aunt starts to rant *" "* She gives him an earful *" "* She's grumpy, he's happy *" "* It's generation gappy *" "* Take a whirl With the squirrels *" "* Skippy and Slappy *" "Ah, put a sock in it!" "* That's my *" "ALL:" "* Aunt Slappy *" "[***]" "Ah, my first day off since Roosevelt was president." "No distractions, no explosions, no violence, no reminders of my work." "SKIPPY:" "Aunt Slappy, Aunt Slappy, Aunt Slappy, Aunt Slappy!" "You'll never believe it, not in a million- kabillion-kazillion years!" "Brad Pitt asked for my phone number?" "Spew, no!" "Whoa!" "It's the bestest, most amazingest thing that's ever happened anywhere near here." "And I'm not kidding." "[THUD]" "If this has anything to do with pogs, I'll shoot myself." "They're filming the most violent, action-packed movie ever filmed in this very neighborhood." "Oh, happy day." "Every action-adventure star you could think of is in it." "Arnold, Bruce, Keanu, Snipes." "It's mega, Aunt Slappy." "Mega!" "Is it mega?" "It's mega." "Good." "Buh-bye." "But don't you wanna go watch some state-of-the-art mega action?" "Nah, I'm on vacation, and I need a sitz bath." "Huh?" "Never mind." "Come on, it'll be fun." "[***]" "[GULPS]" "Agh!" "Uh-oh." "I feel a bubble coming on." "SLAPPY:" "Go away." "SKIPPY:" "They're gonna blow up that set, Aunt Slappy." "It's moviemaking magic." "Here's my chance to get a cheese sandwich." "Buh-bye." "Look, it's Bruce." "Springsteen?" "Where the heck's my lip gloss?" "Not that Bruce." "Oh." "How's my hair look?" "Great, babe." "What hair?" "Shhh!" "Rogaine, anyone?" "Stop it." "All right, Mr. President of the Hair Club for Men." "Jeesh." "I'm not just the president," "I'm also a member." "And action!" "Ki, yi, yippie, I, O, ki, A!" "Ooh, what dialogue." "Time for that sitz bath." "Wait, the special effects are gonna blow." "Don't you get it?" "!" "I'm on vacation." "I don't wanna hear from explosions!" "[EXPLOSION]" "[BRUCE YELLING]" "That was beautiful." "How's my hair look?" "Who cares?" "So I figure at this point the only way to get away from any reminder of my work is to get out of town." "Thanks for the chocolate." "Mama always said that life was like a box of chocolates." "You never know what you're gonna get." "Is this the bus to the airport?" "I got a flight to catch." "[TIRES SQUEALING]" "I ain't in that big a hurry." "There's a bomb on this bus!" "If we go under 50 miles per hour, it will explode." "[***]" "Like, I'm looking for a bomb?" "Check out your performance in Dracula." "We must drive fast." "Very fast." "Over-50 fast." "[***]" "You're cute." "Can I have your number?" "Hey, Nancy, Sluggo, you wanna look where you're driving?" "Ah!" "Agh!" "Cut!" "Print!" "That was so, so, you know, pretty." "[SOBS]" "Aunt Slappy, you didn't tell me you were in this movie." "Mega!" "SLAPPY:" "Well, if it isn't Huey, Dewey and Louie." "I haven't seen you guys since Daisy Duck's bat mitzvah." "[GROANS]" "Guess Aunt Slappy needed a little lie-down." "SLAPPY:" "I want a plane ticket to Ohio." "I want a vacation where nothing happens." "Huh?" "I don't get it." "No one expects you to." "Fifty-four, 55, 56-- Ah!" "Fifty-seven." "MAN:" "No way!" "I'm Passenger 57." "I hate my life." "Okay, let's get this boat off the ground." "Impressive takeoff." "Care for some creamed sardines?" "There's something on the wing." "There is something out there." "Calm down, staccato boy." "Let me look." "I'll go talk to the pilot." "Here's a sponge." "Beam me up, Scotty." "[***]" "I feel good about deregulation, don't you?" "What say we land this thing?" "I'm just an actor." "I don't know nothing about landing planes, Miss Slappy." "My head hurts." "ARNOLD:" "That's a keeper." "Let's break for lunch." "It's not Ohio, but it'll do." "MAN:" "Food!" "Squirrel rump roast!" "DIRECTOR:" "Cut!" "[DIRECTOR SOBBING]" "Wow!" "Another mega scene." "That was great." "Tony the Tiger, is that you?" "Octogenarians need lots of lie-downs." "[FOGHORN BLOWING]" "SLAPPY:" "This boat ain't named the Titanic, is it?" "CAPTAIN:" "No." "Poseidon?" "No." "And your name isn't Hook, Kirk," "Courageous, Bligh, or Stuebing?" "No." "* I'm going on vacation I'm going on vacation *" "If you ask me, she's already left." "[***]" "Ah!" "Finally, a break from violence." "MAN:" "I have you now, Mr. Bond." "[***]" "That's a wrap." "Nice work, Slappy." "Wow, Aunt Slappy, you were-- You were" "Mega?" "[GIGGLES]" "Know what?" "I think Aunt Slappy needs a vacation." "[MOANS]" "ANNOUNCER:" "It's time for another Good Idea, Bad Idea." "Good idea." "Climbing a mountain." "Bad idea." "Climbing a mountain lion." "[ROARS]" "[SPITS]" "The end." "[***]" "[KEYBOARD CLICKING]" "In the newsreel opening it says the Warners were created in 1930." "But to have a 65th anniversary show in 1994 means they were created in 1929." "And in "Yakko's World,"" "Tibet is not technically a country." "[GULPS]" "In "Cookies for Einstein," E equals MC squared is not the relativity formula." "It is the mass energy conversion formula." "And Slappy's driving a Dodge Viper, but races the Road Runner, which was the name of a Dodge Charger R/T variant in the '60s." "And the numbers in that "Yakko's Universe Song"" "are so wrong, it's hardly enjoyable." "And in the theme song it's pay-or-play contracts, not pay-for-play." "Some people think it's "for," but it's "or."" "The closed captioning was wrong when it said "for."" "And in the "Pinky and the Brain" title, the Tokyo movie Shinjo version, which is on once, it has BH 90201, which is supposed to be BH, Beverly Hills, 90210." "How could they get that wrong?" "[CLICKS]" "Is this you?" "Are you happily engrossed in inconsequential cartoon trivia to the point that your socks can probably stand up by themselves?" "Well, if you are, there's hope." "There's help." "There's the Please, Please, Please, Get A Life Foundation." "Since its inception the Please, Please, Please, Get A Life Foundation has gently and calmly brought people back to earth." "Okay, in "Gift of Gold," there's this guy with a T-shirt that says 839 on it and that's the cartoonists' union, Local 839, okay?" "But what's amazing is the episode number is 406-839." "Our staff of trained professionals will soothe you with their comforting therapy." "In "Pavlov's Mice,"" "Pavlov wasn't really interested in conditioned response." "He just wanted some saliva to study." "YAKKO:" "Yes, even the toughest cases are solved in a nurturing, serene manner." "In "Girlfeathers," the sign that says "Niagara Falls"" "is misspelled." "And "Chairman Of The Bored"" "has this drawing that looks like Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep, who were both in Kramer vs. Kramer." "And they're sitting with the guy from Seinfeld who plays Kramer." "And in "Woodstock Slappy,"" "you can see Scratchansniff for four frames on the magic bus." "And Woodstock was '69, but they mention Hair, which opened in 1970." "In "Opportunity Knox," Brain is Mr. Perkins, which is the most common name in Elizabethtown, Kentucky," "10 minutes from Fort Knox." "And in "Christmas Plotz," Slappy wants four" "No!" "Not Him!" "[GIGGLES]" "Gosh and gollyuckums." "It's my yummy, yum, fun, fun, yummy, fun, yum, yum, friend-a-loo." "Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo." "Quick." "It's not too late." "Call us before you rewind to see what was in the room in the opening shot." "There is hope." "There is help." "There is the:" "ALL:" "Please, Please, Please, Get A Life Foundation." "Thanks, Please, Please, Please, Get A Life Foundation." "I couldn't have done it without you." "You guys are the gee-reatest." "Call now." "The life you get may be your own." "Did you notice that the third "please"" "was misspelled with two Es?" "I think that was intentional." "Oh!" "The iris-out-on-the-nose thing's been done." "[***]" "I'm Yakko." "I'm Wakko." "And I'm rabid."