"( # 0asis: "Half the World Away")" "# I would like to leave this city" "# This old town don't smell too pretty" "# And I can feel the warning signs" "# Running around my mind" "# So what do you say?" "# You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway" "# You're half the world away #" "(Daisy ) 'They say the family of the 21st century 'is made up of friends, not relatives." "'Then again, maybe that's just bollocks.'" "This is the living room." " It's really nice." " It's a great flat." "What's going on?" " Hi." "Are you the tenants?" " Yes." "Mrs Klein gave me the key." "What do you mean?" "I'm sorry." "If you'll excuse me for a second." "This is the guest bedroom." "0bviously a bit of a state at the moment, but you can use it for storage, utilities, or if you want to bring a little life into this world." " It's perfect for a child." " Yes, it's very..." " Homey." " Yes, it's very homey." " Mmm." " What's in here?" "Would you mind telling us what's going on?" "Mrs Klein has decided to sell the house." "It's a very good time, actually." "House prices are up." "I believe this property has trebled in value" " since its last purchase." " Really." "Wow!" "If you'll excuse me, I've got to get to the office." "This place will get a lot of attention." "I'm sure Mrs Klein will give you" " the relevant details." " You'd think." "Goodbye." "Excuse me, how old are you?" "I'm 25 and my wife's 24." "Really." "Yes." " Bloody hell." " D'you mind?" " What are we gonna do?" " They were younger than us." " What?" " They were younger than us." "0nly physically." "You heard the man." "The house has trebled in value." "That's enough incentive for Marsha to move, besides being pissed off with us." "Trebled." "Really?" " Yes." " Wow!" "You find out what Brian knows." " I like your thinking." " Thanks." " Where are we?" " The cupboard." " Why?" " I've no idea." "(Sobbing)" "Maybe it was a mistake." "Maybe they got the wrong house." " Shh, Brian." " Brian, you all right?" "(Shrieking on tape )" "Yes." "(Screaming)" "I'm having difficulty vocalising my emotion, so I'm using this." "This is a good bit." "(Agonised wailing)" "She's gone to Manchester." " Marsha's gone to Manchester?" " No, Twist." " Thank Christ." " Twist's gone to Manchester?" "Said she needed some time to think." "You know, she likes the gay scene up there." " When?" " Last night." "Didn't she call?" "(Thumping music)" "Is that Conrad?" "No." "No, it's Daisy." "Sorry." "I didn't mean to call you." "I'm in Manchester." "Loads to tell." "Speak soon." "Bye." "(Gasps ) I love this one." "Come on, boys." "Woo!" "0h, yeah." "She did." "(Wailing continues )" "I thought you were upset about the house." "Why would I be upset about the house?" "This house is the one thing I can rely on, the one port in a storm." "The one...thing which isn't susceptible to the whims of love." "It's the solid core of my otherwise painful... (Wailing stops )" "(Turns tape over)" "(Wailing starts )" "..tortured existence." "I don't know what I'd do without this old friend." "This rock." "This island of calm in the ocean of life." "(Sobbing on tape )" "What did you want to talk about anyway?" "(Screaming)" "I wonder why she went." "We've got to convince her." " Twist?" " Marsha." "We've got to find her and say, "We're sorry." "I know we've done bad," ""we've hurt you, but please," ""for the sake of us, for Brian, for the sake of..." ""everything, please don't sell the house."" " Not in such a whiny voice." " 0K." "Hello." "Hello, Mike." "How's Sophie?" " She's very well, thank you." " Good." "Good." "Have you heard about the house, Mike?" " It's trebled in value." " Half a million apparently." "What are you doing?" "Baking." " Scone?" " (Both) No thanks." "Has Marsha contacted you?" "Actually, I will have one." "Cream and jam inside." "Look..." "Clotted cream?" " 0h, yes." " I will, then." "Have you heard from Marsha?" "Some guy on a motorbike picked up her stuff." "Maybe she joined the Hells Angels." "No, she was thrown out of the Hells Angels in '82, lewd behaviour." "Where would she go?" "Who does she know other than us?" "Who would she turn to in a time of need that is, or might associate with, a big guy on a motorbike?" "(All) Amber." "( # Heavy metal)" "(Amber) Mum, where've you been?" "!" "Shopping." "We've got to drink, haven't we?" "I wanted to go out!" "(Marsha ) 0h, moan, moan." "That's all it ever is with you." " I'm telling you, Mum." " Leave me alone." "I'm having no part in this." "We have to find out where Amber lives." " This is wrong." " It's the only way." " Will you stop it?" " Do you wanna be homeless?" "Buy Loot every morning?" "Do you want to see what Marsha's room looks like?" "(All) 0oooh." "Wow, look at this." "(Tim ) Bloody 'ell." "Hey, is this what we're looking for?" "42, Welwyn Terrace, Cricklewood." " Phone number?" " No." "We'll surprise her." " Can we take the van?" " We should start starting her." "Daisy, let's rock." " Daisy." " Look." "We don't have time for this." "There's Colin." "Colin!" "Colin!" "Coliiiiiin!" "Coliiiiiiin!" "0h, my God." "You go ahead." "I'm gonna go get Colin." " He's got into the neighbours'." " Sod Colin." "I'm not gonna sod Colin." "Get your priorities straight." "This is our home." " But he could get lost or run over." " He can look after himself." "When did you start giving a shit?" " Fine." " Daisy..." "No, it's fine." "Excuse me." "Well, that's just great." "We're supposed to be a united front." "It's not gonna look good if it's just you and me." "Doesn't have to be just you and me." "You got a tape player?" " No." " Thank fuck." "( # "How Much Is That Doggie In The Window" playing inside )" "Hello?" "Colin?" "# How much is that doggie in the window?" "# The one with the waggly tail" "# How much is that doggie in the window?" "# I do hope that dog..." "(Record skipping)" "# I do hope that dog..." "I do hope that dog..." "# I do hope that dog..." "# I do hope that dog..." "I do hope that dog..." "# I do hope that dog..." "# I do hope that dog..." "I do hope that dog... #" "( # Suspenseful string music)" "Listen." "When we get there, I'll do the talking." "I am the only one capable of serious communication." "Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest you're not good communicators." " All right, Mike?" " Yes." " Brian?" " (Mutters )" "I mean it's partly my fault we're in this mess and I should do the talking." " What are you gonna say?" " Well..." "Marsha, they say the family of the 21st century is made up of friends, not relatives, and if that's true, you're the best auntie I've ever had." "0h." "( # Romantic music)" " (Mike ) Tim?" " (Screams )" " You all right?" " I'm fine." "Why wouldn't I be?" "The light's green." "# I do hope that dog..." "# I do hope that dog..." "I do hope that dog... #" "That's his favourite." "Why are you cooking it?" "It got rather dirty." "You must be from number 23." "Yes." "And I'll just be... taking my dog home now." "You could stay for a cup of tea if you like." "0h, no thanks." "We've got stuff to do." "Well, he's welcome here any time." "If you're going out or something, just pop him round and I'll take good care of him." "Yeah." "Thanks." "Bye." "Don't be a stranger." "I'm sure you'll see him again." "I know I will." "(Sighs )" "Your favourite." "(Sniffling)" "Why, Colin?" "Have I done something wrong?" "(Panting)" "Bye, Tim!" "(Yelping)" "I treat you right." "I don't neglect you." "Do I?" "(Panting)" "Not now, Colin." "Just piss off." "0h, God." "I can change." "I know things have been wrong between us, but... what's she got that I haven't?" "(Panting)" "Here you go love, your favourite." "Wide screen." "(Yipping)" "This is it." "0h, my God." "There she is." " Marsha?" " How did you find me?" " Intuition." " We broke in to your bedroom." " Yes, and that." " Look!" "You're wasting your time." "I've made my mind up." "Marsha, please." "Just don't sell the house." " It's trebled in value." " Yeah..." " Really?" "Phew." " Brian." "I'd rather we just called it a day." "We really want you back." "What will make you understand that?" "Something bloody spectacular." "I'm sorry." "Just understand." "We only did it because we love living there." "And you're a big part of that." "They say the 21st century family is friends and not relatives." "If that's true, you're the best auntie I've ever had." "Kiss...my...ass." "Aren't you gonna ask how it went?" "How'd it go?" "Really badly." "Colin's gone." "What?" "He went next door." "0h, Daisy." "I'm sorry." "How did that happen?" "He walked." "Right." "Right, sorry." "My mum used "going next door" as a euphemism for being dead." "Whoa." "Does that mean my rabbit's dead?" "It's been 18 years, Mike." "Where'd you think he was?" "Next door." "That's it, then." "(Sighs ) Marsha's gone." "Twist's gone." "Colin's gone." " (Mike ) My rabbit's gone." " Mike's rabbit's gone." "Everyone leaves." "(Buzzer)" "Come on, Daisy." "Don't be silly." "Not everybody leaves." "Tim, I've been offered a job in Seattle, working for Marvel." "You know how I said not everybody leaves?" "Well, they do." "(Door shuts )" " When are you off?" " Tomorrow." "That's a bit short notice." "I got the call last night." "They want me to go straightaway." "I'm sorry, Tim." "It's just, we didn't get a chance to see how things worked out with us." "This doesn't have to be the end." "We can still have sex on the internet." "That's what I was doing before." " What time are you off?" " 12." "Will you come to the airport?" "Yeah, of course." "Marvel?" "That's really good." "What are you doing for the next 13 hours?" "Right, I'm bushed." "I'll see you guys in the morning." "Tim." "What are we gonna do?" "Short of something bloody spectacular, I've no idea." "I'm off." "Yeah." "Me, too." "(Door squeaks )" "(Beeping and cogs turning)" "(Ding)" "Hello, boys." "Hello, Sarge." "I wonder if you privates wouldn't mind doing me a little favour." "Yeah, hello." "Could you tell me the times of trains to Colwyn Bay, please?" "The first one." "Well, the third one." "Thanks." "(Sighs )" "(Knocking)" " What's that?" " Someone at the door." "Tim, Tim." "Right, yeah." "That could've been a little bit embarrassing." " Get dressed." " What?" "Get dressed." "We're gonna see Marsha." "I'll be back in five." "All right." "Hmm." "(Screaming on tape )" "Ready?" " Can we go later?" " Why?" " Frightened." " Come on, Brian." "You've gotta be strong." "Are you man or mouse?" "(Squeaks )" "(Wailing)" "( # Thunderbirds theme )" "Brian." "I'm a man." "Yeah, come on." "Let's roll." "Daisy." " Ready." " 0h, 0K." "Right, I'll get Mike to give me a lift to your place." "I'll see you there about 11:30." "0K." "Good luck, Bisley." "With what?" "With whatever it is you've got to do." "Right, yeah." " It's on." " What is?" "Something bloody spectacular." "0h, mama." "Are you sure about this, Mike?" " Don't worry, I've done this before." " Is this above board, Sergeant?" " Are you questioning my orders?" " No, Sergeant." "Do what I say, I'll recommend you for promotion." "I don't see how this concerns the military!" " Are we not soldiers, Dexter?" " Yes, Sergeant." "Do we not have a duty to keep the peace?" " Yes, Sergeant." " Could you, in good conscience, neglect to intervene in a solvable conflict?" "No, Sergeant." "Then get your boom box and let's rock." "( # This Morning theme on TV)" "(Rumbling)" "What are you gonna do?" "Blow me up?" "# Whatever I said" "# Whatever I did I didn't mean it" "# I just want you back for good" "# Want you back, want you back" "# Want you back for good" "# Whenever I'm wrong, just tell me the song and I'll sing it" "# You'll be right and understood" "# Want you back, want you back" "# I want you back for good #" "# 0oh-ooh ooohhh oh-ooh ooohhh #" "(Train whistle )" "We're going to have such fun, you and me." "It's going to be lovely." "We won't need that any more." "(Chuckles )" "( # The Nutcracker Suite )" "From now on, we're going to call you Lancelot." "0h, wow, look who came back." "Beer, Brian?" "No, thanks." "Got to do an installation." " Good work today, soldier." " Thanks...sir." "Hey, what's that?" "Tim..." "(Daisy ) 'Dear Tim, please forgive the letter." "'But I'm feeling a bit confused." "'Everything seems to have changed recently." "'We all seem to be drifting apart like leaves from a once-green oak.'" "Skip to the end." "'By the time you read this, I'll be gone." "'I've decided to go away for a while." "'Maybe a bit of distance will do me good." "'Who knows, if things work out, maybe I'll stay." "'Please give my love to everyone." "'I know you understand." "Your friend, Daisy.'" " Shit!" " What's the matter?" " Daisy's gone." " Where?" " She didn't say." " (Colin barks )" "0h, thanks." "Colwyn Bay." "11:32." "St Pancras." "I've got to stop her." " What about Sophie?" " Shit." "Do you need me to do another banner?" "No, Brian." "I don't think that'll help." "Do your installation." "# I'm leaving on a jet plane #" "She's not answering." "Mobile telephone." "# Don't know when I'll be back again #" "She's still not answering." "Shit!" "0K." "In the next 30 minutes, I've got to stop Daisy at the station..." " Mmm." " ..go to the airport," " Go on." " 0ne means of transport..." " Right." " ..no cab money, and there's a Tube strike." "There is no way we can do both." "(Beeping and cogs turning)" "(Ding)" "Mike?" "There is a way we can do both." "We do have another means of transport." "Not my skateboard." "No, no." "What do we have, other than my van, which has wheels and is slightly quicker than walking?" "You've gotta be fucking kidding." " All right." " All right." "(Music drowns dialogue )" "(Whistling)" "(Inaudible )" "TV Ref: 'The Royle Family' (1998-)" "TV Ref: 'Spaced' Series 1, Episode 1 (1999 )" "TV Ref: 'Spaced' Series 1, Episode 1 (1999 )" "TV Ref: 'Spaced' Series 1, Episode 1 (1999 )" "Film Ref: 'The Shining' (1980 )" "TV Ref: 'Queer As Folk' (1999-2000 )" "TV Ref: 'The London Marathon' Theme Tune" "Music Ref : 'The Rolling Stones' (1963-)" "TV Ref: 'The Littlest Hobo' (1979 )" "Film Ref: 'Fatal Attraction' (1987)" "Sound FX Ref: 'Chock-A-Block' (BBC)" "Music Ref : 'Thunderbirds' Theme Tune (1964-66)" "Film Ref:" "Steven Segal Pose" "TV Ref: 'This Morning' Theme Tune (1988-)" "Film Ref: 'Jurassic Park' (1993)" "Film Ref: 'Say Anything' (1989 )" "TV Ref: 'Spaced' Series 1, Episode 4 (1999 )" "TV Ref: 'Spaced' Series 1, Episode 1 (1999 )" "Sound FX Ref: 'Chock-A-Block' (BBC)" "Film Ref: 'The Thing' (1982)"