"Presented by Verbascum and Czech Television" "In association with" "With the support of" "Starring" "Story by Written by" "Where's everyone going?" "Probably to a fair." "Or on a pilgrimage." "We've been gone a while, Majesty, so it's hard to tell." "A while?" "!" "Seven years in battle..." "and all for nothing." "Where are you going?" "Straight on out of here." "Wasn't that King Dobromil the Good?" "Him?" "Just some vagrant knight." "But if it was, to the devil with him!" "Music" "And we're home." "THE DEVIL KNOWS WHY" "What the devil?" " Dobromil!" "Director of photography" "He's returned!" "The king has returned!" "Executive producer" "Produced by" "Directed by" "The king's here!" "What'll we do?" "Nothing..." "Oh, the devil!" "Welcome, Your Majesty!" "What's going on?" "" "Everything's running like clockwork." "Seems like everything's running away that has legs." "We missed you, you old crab." "I bet you did." "And where's Annie to greet me?" "Where is my daughter?" "" "Gadding about, Majesty." "She hops on her horse and whoosh!" "She hops on her horse and what?" "" "And whoosh!" "You let that child go off on her own?" "What Child, Majesty?" "She's ready for marriage." "Hear that?" "My daughter's grown up." "At least something went right." "Apollonia, are things really as bad as all that?" "This kingdom was never in such a fix before." "Can't we do anything about it?" "Leave, like everyone else." "Are you serious?" "Don't worry, I'm staying." "And besides I had a vision..." "Something came to me in a dream." "Again?" "I fried up these unusual mushrooms with onions, and after I ate them I felt dizzy." "I fell down, like this, among the flowers..." "Ow!" "And slept sound as a log." "Well, what did you dream?" "Our land..." "saved by a young man." "I don't know why, but he'll be very ticklish." "And he'll call you Daisy." "Me?" "Why me?" "" "How should I know?" "What does he look like?" "" "I didn't see his face but he's a good soul." "He's brave, honest, honorable... and an ass." "I might have guessed." "No, he's not an ass." "I saw an ass." "Our rescuer will ride a donkey." "Maybe." "Or maybe not." "Maybe you just ate some crazy mushrooms." "That brute is killing that horse." "A foul land breeds foul people." "What can you do?" "I'm going over there." "Hey, wait!" "Stay here." "Oh, alright..." "I'll make a good man of him." "Get lost, you loser!" "That's all we need, dammit!" "Just sitting there like a dolt?" "Help me!" "Stop this insanity!" "It's your fault." "You drove that horse like a madman." "The sooner we're gone the better." "What now, you freeloaders!" "You're the devil's own!" "The chickens!" "The chickens!" "So catch them, you good-for-nothings!" "To hell with...!" "Pull!" "Pull!" "Pull!" "What are you gawking at?" "Look at yourselves, you pigs!" "Why are you screaming?" "We caught the hens like you said." "Butt out!" "Or would you like a whipping too?" "I'll teach you to get so dirty!" "Don't you feel stupid?" "Venting your rage at women and children?" "" "Well, look here..." "It's the good fairy." "I'm no fairy, you dolt." "Get lost!" "Or you'll get a taste too." "Run, kids!" "There you are, you beasts." "Get over here, you brats!" "I'll teach you to hide from me!" "No, daddy!" "I'll catch the chickens." "I'm going to ring your necks anyway!" "I'll teach you to obey me!" "Let me go!" "Hey!" "What?" "" "You dropped your hat..." "What a monster I am." "Run and play." "My darlings!" "Give me a hug." "We live in the grip of an inexorable law which dictates that money circulates, gyrates, rotates, and circulates again." "Just like the blue blood in Your Majesty's veins." "And then suddenly..." "Wham bam, the current clogs." "Put a sock in it, you!" "I reacted like a statesman." "I let half the staff go." "All the best people." "Shut up!" "They cost the most." "Then I dismissed the troops." "Impossible!" "My loyal men?" "" "But we're at peace, Majesty." "But my greatest stroke was in the kitchen:" "I fired everyone." "Why should we cook so much?" "" "He wants us to starve." "Shut your trap!" "Waste not, want not, Majesty." "So how much have we saved?" "" "How...how...how much?" "" "How much?" " From out of nowhere this melody popped in my head." "A tiny idea for a new anthem." "Listen..." "Our King Dobromil..." "Stop gawking!" "Dobromil #8, umpah tralala, wakes up feeling great!" "Umpah tralala..." "To the treasury, you tralala!" "This is our treasury?" "" "Yes, it is." "Let's have a look..." "Corn!" "Where are the ducats?" "Ducats?" "I gave the last one to a Gypsy fortuneteller." "And when she looked at my palm she cried out, "The devil's eye!"" "Isn't that exciting?" "" "What were you doing the whole time?" "We were expecting..." "the spoils of your wars." "Oh, shut up!" "What do you propose?" "" "We've got one hope." "You need ducats!" "And it takes ducats to make ducats." "The question is how to get them?" "" "Only by striking some advantageous bargain." "The only business around here is with hell." "Everyone else is broke." "I'm afraid, Majesty, that this time I agree with the jester." "You mean to say you think I should do business with hell?" "" "What other option do we have?" "What business do you have in mind?" "We could sell... hell..." "souls, Your Majesty." "Souls?" "Whose souls were you imagining?" "Whose?" "Majesty, I..." "I'm prepared to sacrifice myself." "You know very well no one wants your soul." "Can you tell me why your wife's feeding geese here?" "She's got this bizarre idea she'll make swans of them." "She herself is really a silly goose." "She's mad as a hatter." "Majesty, things are looking up." "I've assigned tax collecting units." "Shut up already!" "The people act poor but when you squeeze them:" "Aaagh!" "Oh, man, you'll see!" "What if we found Annie a rich husband?" "Like I say:" "The poor can't and the rich won't." "And woe is us!" "Help!" "Help!" "I'm drowning!" "Grab hold and quit screaming." "Strange, eh?" "I save you and almost bite it." "What are you looking at?" " I wanted to help you." "You looked like a corpse." "Where are we exactly?" "In the land of King Dobromil." "So you think that's funny, eh?" "" "No one's laughing." "No?" "Too bad!" "Business goes better with a smile." "Well, Mr. Joker, tell me how much wood you brought." "Four cords." "Four?" " That is a good joke!" "What do you expect for that?" "To wipe the slate clean." "And what deeds have you done?" "" "I burned the neighbors' barn." "So what?" "That's just fine." "But I feel sorry about it." "What?" "!" "Sorry?" "!" "I'm confiscating your wood." "Get lost!" "Next!" "Ten cords of hard oak." "That's better." "And what do you want for it?" "My mother-in-law in hell." "Kindly allow us to decide who we accommodate." "All you get is... goat turds!" "I won't let you cheat me!" "Oh, yes, you will." "You took a business risk..." "Want your house burned down?" "Who's got anything else to sell?" "" "I have some black pine." "And where's it from?" "King Lumír's land." "Well, well..." "So there's something still growing there?" "" "I see you're working hard here, too." "We're doing our best." "So where's the wood?" "That raft there." "Two measly cords." "You get... a jackal's paw." "That's worth a fortune in hell." "Thanks." "It's just what I wanted." "I've got something else for you." "What's that?" "" "A toothpick of black pine." "A toothpick?" " What's it good for?" "For picking out food stuck in your teeth." "Yesterday we roasted a ram and I got something..." "I can't get it out." "The devil take it!" "How much?" " 30 ducats:" "too rich for your blood." "Are you joking?" "Azarakh has whatever he wants." "The little bugger's out!" "What do I do with it now?" "" "Nothing." "You can pitch it." "Well, that wasn't such a good deal." "You're a pretty good con man." "Maybe you'd like to work for us." "Gladly." "Get up!" "I said get up!" "Do you hear me?" "You mangy ass!" "I'm gonna break your stinking legs!" "Get up!" "Move or I'll..." "This is driving me crazy." "Okay..." "Okay..." "I'll skin you alive." "And the devils will make drums of your hide." "You'll drum in hell..." "I brought you some helpers." "Got any work for them?" "" "Yeah, plenty;, but so what?" " I've got nothing to eat." "I'll pay you twice as much." "I'd rather cut off my tongue!" "Alright." "Okay..." "Just stop it." "Well, I guess there's nothing." "Maybe next time." "I was thinking more of something in hell." "Don't be so eager, my boy." "All in good time." "All in good time." "Everyone's time will come." "Where's he going?" " That leads nowhere." "Why'd you refuse the extra pay?" "" "Pay?" "He'd only give me Lucifer's stinky old boots." "Licking one clean was plenty!" "Why do you do it then?" "I've gotta do something." "And at least I've got security." "I hunt some, feed the family..." "What's with the knife?" "" "I'm gonna skin this beast." "He refuses to work." "Let him live." "I'll buy him." "Ducats!" "Ducats!" "I'm rich!" "I don't think so." "You're the same bootlicker you were before." "Come on, donkey, you're coming with us." "Man, we were rolling in clover!" "Let's just go." "I had a house and fireplace, But now I've only ashes," "When it's gone it's simply gone, All we have soon passes." "I had a cart of sturdy oak, My oxen left me too," "When it's gone it's simply gone, No sense feeling blue." "Okay, here you are." "Sausage..." "Headcheese..." "Good Lord!" "Save yourself if you can." "I had honey, I had bread, Now I've not a crumb," "When it's gone it's simply gone, Whatever comes will come." "I had a warm and cozy coat, Now I've not a flea," "Off they go, now they're gone, And I'm feeling free." "What's here is here, What's not is not," "Water flows on its way And rocks are all we've got." "Halt!" "The king's proclaimed a new tax!" "Three ducats per adult and one per child." "Let's get on with it!" "You heard him." "Pay up!" "Pay up!" "I won't!" "Oh yes, you will!" "Beat him!" "What?" "That's what." "Beat him!" "Take that!" "You won't pay, eh?" "" "Apollonia, thanks for the herbs;" "here's your oil and cloth." "Okay, you fiddling hack..." "Two adult and two kids." "Four souls in all: 8 ducats." "I'm happy to pay." "But why only four?" " What about my pup?" "" "Doesn't he have a soul?" " He's one of God's creatures." "Sure is." "I'll pay for him too." "Great." "Are you mad?" " All our money?" "All of it?" " No way!" "We've still got our nest egg." "Come on out, ducats!" "I bet it was stuffy in there." "Ten ducats..." "A few extra so the king can live it up a bit." "I'll see that he gets them." "That fine man deserves them." "Deserves them?" "!" "Are you nuts?" "We sold everything." "Are you trying to make beggars of us?" "I know who's behind this!" "I'll get you, you witch!" "Me?" "Make fools of honest people!" "What did you do to him, you witch?" "!" "No!" "You witch!" "You put weeds under his hat." "What's going on, crazy woman?" "Put me down!" "You know I will, you wretch." "Good day, Madam Daisy." "Wait..." "Are you talking to me, an old woman?" "" "You're the prettiest garden I've ever met." "Good gracious, my vision!" "That's him." "And he's got an ass." "Annie, he's here!" "He's here!" "He's come!" "Who?" "Our rescuer!" "The one from my dream." "And you know what he called me?" "Daisy!" "Wasn't he supposed to call me that?" "Well..." "Prophesy is never so clear-cut." "But he's got a donkey." "I still have shoes!" "My very best shoes." "Didn't we overdo it a bit?" "Perhaps a bit." "Certainly someone needs them more than me." "Get a grip on yourself!" "Robbing paupers..." "Aren't you ashamed?" "Don't spoil my fun, sniveler!" "So you want to have fun, eh?" " Come and play!" "How... how dare you?" "!" "What are you waiting for?" "Seize him!" "That'll teach you." "Give it to him good!" "Let him have it!" "He's had enough." "Am I in heaven?" "" "Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not your guardian angel." "Don't move;, just lie still." "Does something hurt?" "My heart." "I think I'm dying." "That's a lovely handkerchief." "They kicked you in the head." "You'd better come and let Annie and I treat you." "Are you satisfied?" "We're flat broke!" "What's going on?" " Why do you look so thunderstruck?" "Hey, kids, dad's back!" "Daddy!" "It seems that we, King Dobromil the Good, are aging rather fast." "Dogs age seven times faster and make not a peep of complaint." "What a flatterer you are." "Why should I flatter you when you don't pay me?" "Aren't you exaggerating?" "" "It's so good to be home, sire." "Don't let him spoil it." "It was a garden here when we left." "And now?" "Don't you smell the stench?" "" "If you don't like it here pack your things and go." "Don't say that a second time..." "What would I pack anyway?" "There's not even a pot to pee in around here." "Give me a ducat and I'll be off." "Got one?" "" "Here." "This king had what it takes." "It's not a real ducat anyway." "Oh well..." "Have a nice time, Majesty." "Farewell." "If you're Annie, you're the only thing here worth envying." "Annie, is it you?" "Incredible!" "You really are old enough to marry." "But you deserve a spanking for gallivanting around so." "Where's the jester going?" "Nowhere..." "He just came back to see his daughter." "Who'd have thought... that the people still had so much money?" "" "Me." "But we needn't tell the king." "Get a move on!" "Heave!" "I am." "You little ducats don't want to, but you have to." "Jump!" "How much longer must we slave?" "Oh, please!" "I've got to bleed the people dry." "But relax..." "We'll be repaid a thousandfold." "Next batch..." "Ready?" "" "Sure." "Come on, ducats." "Come on." "I'm coming." "Think the king suspects us?" "Stop creating devils out of nothing." "He's harmless as a lamb." "He's eating out of my hand." "Toss them in." "The gate's closing; in you go!" "Kiss your goosey." "No, no, no!" "Did you say goosey?" "" "How about roasting one?" "Oh, no!" "Oh, yes." "The oven's hot and I'm a bit peckish." "Get a move on!" "Keep working!" "Hold up!" "Good work." "The minister will be satisfied." "Looking good with that crown!" "What's this?" "!" "What's going on here?" "They're rebelling." "Each sinner has to drink a stein of swill." "Hot swill." "Drink up, boys." "What?" "!" "Drink it down." "Swill, eh?" "It's beer!" "Dark beer." "And well chilled." "So our sinners can live it up." "I'll give you "live it up," you idiot!" "To Lucifer, now!" "So you felt sorry for the sinners?" "" "Yeah." "It's hot, right?" "" "Nothing's better than a cold one when it's hot, eh?" " Lovely!" "I even have a hammock to rock them in." "And I sing them lullabies..." "That's a great idea." "And I have something for you too." "A sweet candy... for my sweet little dove." "Get this into your thick head:" "goodness is treacherous." "But evil is exciting, intoxicating, even elevating." "Take him away." "He's the sixth this week." "What's going on?" "" "It's Apollonia's flowers, what else?" "No wonder they're so messed up." "Apollonia, my dear, stick you tongue in your ear." "Nice rhyme, eh?" "" "Excellent execution!" "So stick it out." "My tongue?" "" "Taste good?" "" "This isn't funny anymore." "Why is Dobromil's kingdom still afloat, eh?" "I don't understand it." "I want him here!" "King Dobromil the Good..." "We've got to speed things up a bit." "Excellent." "Goosey kissy..." "What the matter?" "" "Don't we like it?" "" "Greetings, friend." "Enchanté, madam." "Why are you here, boss?" "" "Sit, scoundrel." "Why insult him, sir?" "" "That's no insult, madam." "That's his title." "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop in on a friend to find out how the case stands." "When can I bring the contract?" "The contract?" "" "Concerning the contract..." "The king's still not ready." "He's got to stew in his own poverty a bit longer." "It's dragging on too long." "I'm doing what I can." "The king hinders my every move." "Guess what he thought up now?" " He wants to marry Annie off." "That's not good." "That's bad." "A rich husband might screw up our plans." "I should punish you." "Me?" "What about the gold I've sent down to you?" "" "Watch..." "A ducat." "I put it in the pitcher..." "Take it out." "I..." "I can't." "You can." "This is some of your magic." "No magic." "Drop the coin and your hand is free." "You see?" " You've got to make a sacrifice to save your skin." "Don't worry about any suitors." "I'll think of something." "Hey, look who's come for a visit!" "I thought that beating made me hallucinate." "It's you who's Apollonia's hallucination." "You've made yourselves at home." "Maybe I was waiting for you." "Such a great match, Philip and his wench..." "Whoa, you beast!" "See, you shouldn't bully that animal; it's sacred." "What are you two doing?" " Must I do everything myself?" "Guido, go chop some wood." "Show me you're good for something." "You live somewhere nearby?" "On a farm?" "" "At the castle." "At the castle?" " So you serve at the castle." "It seems like I serve here at Apollonia's." "Has anyone ever told you you were pretty?" "" "No..." "Actually, yes." "The king's jester." "Once he shouted out:" ""Annie, you're pretty..." "ugly."" "You're a real apothecary." "It comes in handy sometimes." "Careful, that's nightshade." "It's poisonous." "You used this to make that man crazy?" "" "I wanted to make him good, and I made him an idiot." "Here's cherry tarts and berry juice." "Let me take that." "I like it here, but I need good work..." "Work that's well paid." "It won't be easy to find work." "What are you good at?" "" "I know a lot about..." "just about everything." "We need someone like that." "And you?" "Me?" "I can fight a bit, but not much else." "Fighting isn't bad, and you've got the donkey too." "I'd accept a position at the castle." "But I won't be a servant." "Of course." "Maybe the king himself will find you something." "Annie will put in a good word." "I don't need any wench's help." "I've got to go." "Wait; will we meet again?" "" "That's up to you." "You know where to find me." "Don't worry; we'll visit." "What's that?" "" "Devils come for my flowers." "We paid 30 ducats for that ass." "For the rest I'll remember you in my prayers." "Philip!" "If you stick these herbs under someone's hat they become stupid but good." "They might come in handy." "Come on!" "Before someone gets our jobs." "Thanks for everything, Apollonia." "And we're alone again." "Let's go get some water." "Come, Mira, let's water the garden." "What are you whining about?" "" "What?" "What's going on?" "" "Scoundrels!" "Enough of your shenanigans;" "I need water!" "Damnation, Apollonia, don't make me angry." "Not enough for your stinking herbs?" " Just say what you want." "Want pearls?" " You've got them." "Pitch them to your swine!" "I don't have that many." "Beat it, you bat." "Impressive, eh?" " I can even do a triple flip with a half twist." "Stop bugging me." "I'm watering." "Insufferable flowers." "I'd scorch them with brimstone." "Cut the swagger, Mr. Wheeler Dealer." "I'm pure as a lily and you're powerless here." "Look who's swaggering now." "Even you'll end up as my guest." "Beat it!" "Hey, look..." "We need a cook, but not just anyone." "Show me what you can do." "I'm supposed to concoct a meal from slops?" "Cut the jokes, friend." "You're cooking for the king." "This is for the king?" "It's fit for pigs." "The minister will haze you if it doesn't pass muster." "I'm not joking." "You wanted to speak to the king?" "Come on then." "Don't worry, we'll manage." "We'll add... a lot of garlic." "It'll turn out, you'll see." "Let's light the oven." "Well..." "What are you good for?" "" "Majesty, maybe I could be your advisor." "And what could you advise me about?" "To be honest..." "I'm good at everything..." "as far as I know." "Okay, then..." "Tell me what you'd do if people were fleeing the realm." "Fleeing?" "" "I'd flee too..." "On a horse..." "To catch up with them... and bring them to their senses." "My kingdom for a horse!" "Your Majesty, this is Philip." "He's applying as head cook." "Oh, is he really?" "" "Let's give it a try." "Don't risk it, Majesty;" "it was made from our own stores." "This one is a dangerous criminal bent on poisoning you." "It smells wonderful!" "Garlicky." "It's excellent!" "I name you head cook." "What about me, Majesty?" "" "You?" "A good question..." "I think you'll fit in perfectly here." "You're my new jester." "Put it on." "You come with me." "It suits him, eh, daughter?" "" "That's your daughter?" "" "Last I heard." "Are you a devil?" "" "Who?" "You." "Me?" "No!" "No?" "Too bad." "You have that hellish fire in your eyes." "I can feel it." "Well, boys, one of you will return among the living to sue for the princess' hand." "You know Princess Annie?" "Annie's footsy:" "little goat tootsy." "Aha, my nephew Urugal..." "You'd like to marry Annie, eh?" "Annie's footsy:" "little goat tootsy." "But he... he..." "he wasn't selected." "No?" "Such a handsome buck?" " As you wish..." "I repeat:" "Annie's going to marry one of you." "And that's how we'll knock the king for a loop." "Who'll volunteer?" "" "What about you, Urugal?" " Not interested?" "I am." "But I don't get it..." "Do I go after Annie?" "" "Or do I start by knocking the king for a loop?" "" "You understand perfectly." "Sure I do." "Marry Annie and knock the king for a loop." "I choose you, Urugal." "And you..." "Get lost!" "You're a deep thinker." "True." "How will you get her?" "" "I'll give her this to suck on." "Then Annie's footsies will follow me like..." "little goat tootsies." "Excellent." "That's right." "My father's looking for a husband for me." "I thought you already had one." "Cut it out." "Let's leave here." "You want to run away with me?" " You know nothing about me." "I know everything." "Really?" "Who am I then?" "You're my dream." "And Apollonia conjured you up." "She ate some mushrooms and you appeared to her." "The donkey, too, right?" "Exactly." "Can I tickle you?" "Sure." "Feel anything?" "Nothing." "Wait..." "I feel it..." "It's really nice." "Oh, you!" "It doesn't tickle?" " You're supposed to laugh." "I feel more like crying." "You'll soon be married..." "So let's run away." "That won't help." "You don't want to go with me." "You don't really want me." "You're like these flowers." "So beautiful... it hurts my eyes." "Then we must protect them." "Prince, you're like manna from heaven!" "I know." "Lucifer chose me himself." "I came for Annie." "Here I am!" "Catch me, Annie!" "Run, run!" "Come on!" "Philip?" "" "I can hear you..." "Are you here?" "Annie!" "Here I am!" "Wait!" "Now it's your turn." "No..." "Oh, yes it is." "Follow me!" "Watch the steps!" "That's cheating." "Sometimes cheating is best." "Oh, really?" "Hey, you'll pay for that!" "I'd rather be enjoying a warm bath." "Present arms!" "An honored guest has arrived:" "Prince Laguru of the East!" "Let's stoke this fire a bit,eh?" "" "Prince, the king's there." "I'll present this to him." "Hi there." "A gift from the prince." "Thank you." "Coal?" "It's not coal." "It's lava." "What do I do with it?" "I use it to scrub my heels." "This is your gift?" "" "You've got nothing else?" "Diamonds..." "Hey, bring that here." "Got any more?" "" "Coming out our ears." "Prince Laguru..." "What brings you here?" "It's like this..." "I... uh... want the princess..." "uh... as my wife..." "And I'm gonna knock Your Majesty for a loop." "Majesty... the prince is from a land near Mongolia." "It's their custom that...that... that the groom must fight the father for his bride." "As they say, he has to knock him for a loop." "If we must fight..." "I'm sure it isn't necessary." "I don't care, but where's the... pr... pr... princess?" "" "Hi there!" "Your Majesty, apparently she's dressing." "She wants to look her best." "What do you want?" "" "Annie's fooling around with the cook in the bath." "Annie was seen in your steam bath with the cook." "What?" "!" "Just look at us." "Hold on..." "Wring it out." "Anne!" "What are you doing?" "!" "Is that Annie footsy goaty tootsy?" "That drowned rat?" "" "That's how you greet your future husband?" "" "Must she greet this Lagoon, or whatever his name is?" "Majesty, he's a prince." "Prince or no, take these and get out!" "What am I, like, supposed to do now?" "" "Start looking elsewhere." "I don't ever want to see you with that cook again." "That's youth, eh?" "You'll catch cold, Princess." "Hey, I had this for Annie." "What do I do with it now?" "" "For Annie, eh?" " Give it here." "That's not for you!" "Get over here." "Give me a kiss." "I don't want a kiss and I don't want you!" "Of course you do." "Get back here!" "Can I come in?" "You can do whatever you want." "Or so it seems." "Watch your mouth!" "You know I want what's best for you." "So you locked me up?" "" "It's for your own good." "I'm ashamed of you." "To let your realm be plundered like this." "No one respects you anymore." "But I wasn't even here." "Exactly." "Can hear us, King?" "" "We're packing up; and if you're wise you'll do the same." "Someone's ruining this place." "Beat it!" "Get lost, scum!" "You say no one respects me anymore." "Maybe someone still does." "We are, after all, of royal blood." "I think it's time I met a certain someone..." "Son of a gun!" "What a waste." "What have you got there?" "" "Nothing, Majesty." "Why are you lying?" "" "The devil knows why." "Tell Lucifer to come." "It's time I met him." "You know the Spanish boot?" "A cruel instrument." "Nails pierce the foot..." "Blood spurts forth..." "Hell fire!" "This little thing is far more humane." "The so-called Spanish thimble." "We gently and carefully place the thumb inside..." "And voila!" "It becomes an inkwell full of royal blood." "Majesty, the time is now ripe." "Give me your soul and I'll shower your realm... with riches." "Your signature, please." "Just a moment." "We'll wait for midnight to strike." "I have a weakness for theatricality." "The clock has struck." "Please be so kind, Majesty, as to endorse this parchment, this document of documents, with your royal signature in blood." "Life is beautiful, so enjoy it." "I'm coming for you in a year." "Guido!" "I've got to get out of here." "Give this to Annie." "It's important." "And tell her I love her, and that she should wait for me." "Count on me." "Thanks." "Lucifer, wait!" "What do you want?" "" "To work for you." "Hurry up." "You wanted a job so no goofing off." "Show me what you rustled up." "What matters most is how it tastes." "The sauce is great." "What's in it?" "" "I can't even remember..." "Cranberries and hot peppers." "Oh ho!" "Sweet and hot, like the carrot and the stick!" "I use that too when necessary." "Okay, you've sold me." "For a year then?" "It needn't be in your own blood yet." "Put it there." "What happened to them?" "" "They sold me their souls." "Lifeless bodies lost in oblivion." "And that's the greatest punishment, eh... for you of noble birth?" "Your father, isn't it?" "" "You are Philip, son of King Lumír, are you not?" "I know all about you." "You too will end like this one day." "I'll get you." "And what if I get you?" "" "Think you can dupe me?" "Laughable, but interesting." "I'd happily play for your soul." "If you 'get me,' as you say, I'll return your father's soul." "Of course, if you fail during the year of your service, you'll keep me company for all eternity." "Not a bad offer, eh?" "" "Not bad." "Don't worry, we'll grow on each other." "Now, down to business..." "Forgive me, Philip, for hurting you." "I never wanted to hurt anybody!" "The times are so strange." "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it." "Thanks, Apollonia!" "It worked!" "I've got you!" "I can't believe it worked." "Yes, you've got me, Philip." "Do you take me for a fool!" "I'm not got so easily, my boy." "It's just grass." "Guido exchanged it on you." "Now get lost!" "And no more games!" "Where's the food?" "!" "Finally." "Can't you move any slower?" "" "Give it here." "It took forever." "What is this crap?" "Where's the cook?" "I'll shove this slop down his throat!" "Bring him to me." "We've sought him in vain." "He's vanished into thin air." "Guido, where's Philip?" "" "Where else?" " He found a job with better pay." "That's a lie." "Don't ask me then if you think I'm lying." "Didn't he leave me a note?" "Nothing." "He just disappeared." "Move." "Did you send him away?" "No." "Why would I?" "But maybe it's for the best." "You'll never see me again." "What a morning, huh?" "" "Let's cheer things up..." "Can you explain this?" "" "Don't recognize yourself, eh?" " You did it all for this?" "" "Guards, seize him!" "So that's how it is." "If I'm going to hell you're coming with me." "What are you waiting for?" "Seize him!" "Against your own king?" "" "You'll pay for this." "That's right..." "Out of the realm's coffers." "This can't be happening!" "Take the old man as well." "We're cleaning up around here." "And find the princess so everything's in order!" "Guard them carefully!" "Don't let them step one foot out of the castle." "You!" "Got anything to say about that coin?" "" "Throw him behind bars!" "Come on, you clown!" "What's happening...?" "Stop!" "Where are you going?" "Did they hurt you?" "Such brutes have no feelings." "He's just a big oaf." "Leave him to me." "I'll teach him his manners." "He's yours." "Get this: if Guido tells you to cut off my hand then you'll cut off my hand." "Oh, man, have I got an idea!" "I'll give you the royal seal." "You'd like that, eh?" "I don't really need it." "Why not?" "" "I've got a present for you too." "Do you like it?" "" "A lot." "Now go visit the king because he must be lonely." "The king..." "I'm going to see the king!" "Guard them well." "All of them!" "Philip!" "Philip!" "Excuse me, did you take anyone across last night?" "My Philip?" "" "Finally." "This is where you are." "Mira, find Annie." "Annie!" "How could you do this to me?" " I've had a devil of a time." "Are you listening?" " What are you doing here?" "I'm scared about Philip." "I'm sure something's happened to him." "Otherwise he'd have already found me." "Can you believe it?" " First he says he loves me;" "then he leaves without a word." "Philip knows what he's doing." "Love must sometimes stand aside." "Easy to say for someone who spent her whole life with herbs." "What could you know of love?" "You think I know nothing?" "Listen here." "I've been in love." "A love that burned even in the coldest winter." "But it wasn't meant to be, and when he left me my love was still so strong that I drowned myself in tears." "Who was it?" "" "Who?" "Your father." "My father?" "" "But he married my mother." "Sure, she was rich and noble so he married her." "Just like that!" "A lovely spot, eh?" "We also came here." "Love-in-winter grows here." "Come here..." "Philip will return, you'll see." "Finally." "What is it?" "" "Jackal's paw a la honey." "Looks great." "Get lost!" "I forgot to tell you..." "my dear Philip, that everything here lives and dies by my hand." "So only I can destroy King Dobromil's dear little contract." "Everything moves towards it's end." "Except me of course." "Forgive me, Father..." "Why do you want to destroy us?" "That's just like you." "Always blaming someone else." "You destroy yourselves." "I just watch with my fingers crossed." "But with your traits you play right into my hands." "It won't be long now." "Hell fire!" "Mira!" "Where are you, Mira?" "Apollonia will have to look for us again." "Come here, Mira." "Come on!" "Hey, you little rascal." "Let's pick the herbs and get home." "Still sulking?" "" "I'd like to make you..." "a proposition." "Marry me." "You and I... get married?" "Have you lost your mind?" "" "The throne will soon be vacant." "It could be ours to share." "Since when do jesters barter the royal throne?" "" "It's royal no longer." "The king sold Lucifer his soul." "How dare you say that!" "You liar!" "He's got few days left to live." "Marry me or you'll never see your father again." "Everything here is mine anyway." "Not me." "It's just a matter of time." "There's still Philip." "Yeah?" " Where?" "Forget about him." "He's Lucifer's eager servant." "You lie." "I'm flying!" "We'll be angels soon." "I'm light as a feather." "But you feel like a ton." "You're making me swing." "You're flying too." "Something fell from above." "Another angel I suppose." "Who are you?" "Get your hands off me!" "Don't worry." "We love the world." "Yesterday we were rolling in Apollonia's clover." "Pure bliss!" "Now we're angels... almost." "Wanna try it?" "" "How do I find Lucifer?" "Lucifer?" "" "He can't stand angels." "But if he's who you want, keep heading straight on." "Urugal!" "Help me, Uncle!" "Ah, what delicate flower do we have here?" "" "She wants to speak to you, sir." "I see you've moved up in the world." "I've made the best of things." "What do you want?" "" "Do you know anything about Annie?" "You mean the princess?" " What is she to me?" "" "It's as if she vanished." "I'd like to speak to the king." "Why not?" "" "Apollonia!" "What are you doing here?" "I'm not here to reminisce..." "I'm looking for Annie." "She was with me... then she disappeared." "I'm afraid for her." "My Annie is gone and only fear remains." "Dobromil, I don't recognize you." "It's a mess here, just like your whole kingdom." "Did you come to reproach me?" "I can do nothing more." "Yes..." "So I heard." "You wanted to marry Annie to a rich man." "You'd just ruin her life, like you ruined ours." "Your refined combinations send me into raptures." "Not for much longer:" "my year is almost up." "Almost up?" " Let's have a look..." "You signed on for ten years." "What?" "Lucifer, get up here!" "Seems like she wants something." "I'm telling you to get up here!" "Another bucket of diamonds...?" "" "I'll be back in a flash." "I've got a deal for you." "Well, spill it." "I'm all ears." "Cancel the contract with the king... and I'll give you my garden." "You can do whatever you want with it." "Too late." "I don't care about your herbs anymore." "Soon enough not even thistles will grow here." "Come, my lovely flower." "Let me go!" "You wanted to see Lucifer, so come on!" "Annie!" "What are you doing here?" "I should ask you the same." "Oh, come now, kids." "What a pleasant surprise!" "I trust I'm not interrupting." "Came to say hi?" " I can't praise Philip's services too much." "But he just did something a little stupid." "You stole something out of my pocket." "But why?" " To help King Dobromil?" " No!" "To save his own precious cowardly skin." "It wasn't for 10 years!" "It was just a scrap of parchment." "You walked into my trap." "You see?" " Now I've got you." "Golly, boss, you're brilliant." "Get her out of here." "It's not her time yet." "Where're your shoes?" "I gave them to Guido for a unicorn." "A unicorn?" "Yeah." "Where is it?" "It was in the sky this morning, then it vanished." "The devil take it!" "He won't drive me crazy." "I have some news of Annie." "What...?" " Annie?" "What is it?" "" "Where's your unicorn?" "You'll get no more clouds from me." "Tell me about Annie." "I heard she's in danger." "Danger?" " What danger?" " Speak!" "I don't know..." "I said I just heard about it." "Find her." "I'll give you anything you want." "I already have everything." "But maybe there is something." "If I find her will you agree to our marriage?" "" "Bring her." "I want to see her again." "Majesty, the clock has struck midnight and I have come with my faithful servant." "The hour has struck... just as I struck the coins that now fill your treasury." "Don't ruin this for me." "I like this part the best." "As I said, the hour has struck." "Here is the parchment signed in your blood." "Come with me, please." "Just a moment, Master." "Before the king goes to hell" "I'd like him to fulfill his promise." "He must give me his daughter's hand in marriage." "I had no choice, Annie." "I had to see you again." "All very touching, but I've got a document here, so let's go." "Lucifer?" "" "Shouldn't you read it first?" "" "You think so?" "Well okay..." "I..." "Philip the cook, will faithfully serve Lucifer..." "What is the meaning of this?" "That's that fake scrap of parchment, remember?" "My year of faithful service." "Where's the king's..." "signed in blood?" "" "You burned it." "Destroyed it by your own hand." "Get it?" " The king is free." "He's not yours anymore!" "The king is free." "He's not yours anymore!" "The princess is getting married!" "And not to just anyone." "But to our savior Prince Philip!" "Hey, you left without us!" "Don't worry." "I'll come back for you." "Strike!" "Lift!" "Strike!" "Lift!" "No more!" "Enough!" "Will you lick those boots,Guido?" " Or won't you lick those boots?" "" "Always flitting about, eh, Annie?" "" "To our children's happiness;" "how about it, Lumr?" "" "And to your health, Dobromil." "And to weathering that terrible storm." "I myself feel like a young man, full of energy." "He's trying to amuse us!" "It's a barrel of laughs here." "I guess I'll gather my old knights for a noble conquest." "Why not stay here and put your realm in order?" "To our savior's happiness." "Hey there, my daisy Annie!" "Hi!" "Is it another vision?" " Oh, that's the end!" "If you relish lard, the fat, and the rind," "If you only snoop and never seek to find," "If you balance accounts as you fall asleep," "If you count money instead of sheep," "And still expect to strum in heaven's dell," "You'll end up drumming hide in hell." "If it gives you pleasure to make a scene," "If you always speak but nothing mean," "If you'd sell your soul for a bit of gold," "If you think you're wise because you're old," "And still expect to strum in heaven's dell," "You'll end up drumming hide in hell." "Ignore the devils skulking in the bush," "They can't answer, when shove comes to push," "Why the world makes you sigh," "They just say, The devil knows why." "If you slink around from door to door," "If you hide goat tootsies beneath the floor," "If your mind is nothing more than farts," "If you laugh when someone breaks his heart," "And still expect to strum in heaven's dell," "You'll end up drumming hide in hell." "Ignore the devils skulking in the bush," "They can't answer, when shove comes to push," "Why the world makes you sigh," "They just say, The devil knows why.." "Subtitled by John Brent" "THE DEVIL KNOWS WHY"