"Mornin', family o' mine." "What's with the suit, Paula Poundstone?" "I have a very important meeting with Killbride today to discuss our mystery assignment, and I wanted to look my best." "And dressing like a creepy lady lesbian comic seemed like the way to go?" "Balthaboob, if you really want to look your best, wear this." "Cool!" "What a fun pizza brooch!" "Come on, Uncle Vlaartark." "I need to get on the computer to check my gossip sites." " You have a computer in your room!" " With a modem!" "My room is so 20th-century." "At least you have a room, man!" "I sleep downstairs in the home entertainment credenza." "And at night, it's anything but." "Entertaining, that is." "Can I bunk with you?" "I'd really rather not." " But I need a warm bed." " I said I'd rather not!" " But..." " I don't do roommates!" "Ever!" "And this is the end of the discussion!" "That really hurt my feelings." "What if we built you a doghouse in the backyard?" "Would that cheer you up?" "I would like that very much." "Nuts!" "Vlaartark jammed up the computer with all his granny porn." "Give it to grandma!" "The economy's in the crapper, which means Petromundo needs to take a dump." "We have to lose 15% of our workforce." "And that's why I'm bringing in the heavy artillery." "Meet Attila the Hun, the new head of H.R." "Where'd you get Attila the Hun's head?" "Craigslist, Montenegro." "I needed to find someone tough enough to manage all the firings, and Attila here is the baddest of the bad." " His neck's too fat." " Wait a minute." "Were you gonna put Attila's head on my body?" "Not anymore." "I got to take this." "It's Ted Turner." "He wants to sell me his space yacht." "Even us billionaires are feeling the squeeze." "Nice pizza brooch." "Really pulls the suit together!" "Where did you get it?" "My Uncle vlaartark gave it to me." "Vlaartark Mimklark is your uncle!" "I knew I knew that brooch!" "You're a demon just like me!" "I've been looking for that fat hundieschnitzel Vlaartark for 1,500 years!" "And now I've found him!" "Please stop talking!" "Back to sleep." "Back to sleep." "Here's how this is going to go down, Igby." "You bring Vlaartark to me or..." "Squidbillies." "Or what?" "Or I'll expose you as a demon!" "Must have gossip!" "I want it all!" "I want it all!" "Want it!" "I'll take these fine periodicals." "We're offering free scratch lotto ticket with purchase of 40 or more item." "Good luck." "You t'aint supposed to eat those!" "You're supposed to rub 'em off, scratcher-style!" "That's the ticket!" "It says I won $200 million." "Interesting." "$200 million!" "Come on, somebody." "Pick up, pick up." "Pazuzu!" "It's me, Balthazor!" "Over." "You're gonna have to speak up!" "I'm building my doghouse!" "Where's Vlaartark?" "Over." "How the hell should I know?" "No hay una problema." "Es un perro." "Le bark bark!" "Now back to work!" "You need to find him now." "Selfish fool." "Don't care for nobody." "Look, I got to go." "I'm worked up." "I love you." "Bye." "Three chimpanzees found their way out of the zoo today..." "Listen up, dingle-butts." "Get ready for some pink slips." "And, no, Marty, I'm not talking about having sex with your wife." "I don't get it, sir." "That's because I'm giving it to her." "What are you gonna do about it?" "Nothing, sir." "Tell her I said hi." "Son!" "Your gorgeous Tina wife..." " She's on television!" " What?" "$200 million!" "Brother, you are dough-rolling from the lotto!" "Hellman, now your wife is hot and rich." "If she can take a punch, we've got ourselves a triple threat!" "You're a millionaire now." " You don't need a job." " Yes, I do." "Working at Petromundo is my mission." "Sorry, guy." "Once a man is rich, his work ethic goes down faster than Marty's wife at last year's Christmas party." "Right, Marty?" "You are right, sir." "My wife is a whore!" "Congratulations, Hellman." "You're fired!" " Where's Vlaartark?" "!" " Probably doing what he does best..." "Not being there for someone." "Uncle vlaartark!" "I need to talk to you about Attila!" "The Hun?" "Never heard of him." "He wants me to bring you to him, or else he'll blow our covers." "As demons." "So you're going to deliver me to my doom?" "Is everyone hearing this?" "Why would Attila the Hun want to bring you to your doom?" "It's a long, long story of heartbreak and despair." "It was college." "We were living fast and loose." "Attila and I were roommates." "We were the hottest two-man a cappella group on campus." "All the men wanted to be us." "All the ladies wanted to be in our pantaloons." "But one day, the notes went sour." "He dared to blame me for eating his pizza, which of course I did not." "He demanded an apology, which I summarily refused to do." "He was so furious, he put a spell on me." "From that point on, I was unable to hit a high "c."" "I never competed in a cappella again." "For me... the music died that day." "You said you didn't do roommates!" "You're not only selfish..." "You're a liar, liar, pants en fuego." "I guess the day laborers have been rubbing off on me." "Rubbing off?" "Don't you even dare try to get back in my heart!" "It sounds like Attila came out on top." "Why's he still beefing?" "It may have to do with the fact that I had him banished to earth for ever." "Why don't you just apologize for the pizza?" "Apologize, stupid!" "I feel like I'm Jodie foster in The Accused on a pinball machine made of pizza!" "Fine!" "I'll do it!" "Good." "One fire out." "But we still need to lose $200 million so I can get my job back." "Don't worry." "I think my rag mags and I may just have a sneaky, little way to lose every last dollar! Buddy?" "This is how I came to America!" "Except it was a real horse's anus I fell out of." "Wait." "What are you doing here?" "I'm here to help Vlaartark apologize to Attila." "You don't want to mess with him, son." "It's terrible here." "Attila is more savage than ever!" "Look, he changed spaghetti Fridays to Tuesdays!" "Oh no." "Here he comes!" "Well, well, well!" "If it isn't Vlaartark Mimklark at long last." "How do you like my new look?" "One could say I am hell on wheels, no?" "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now." "Because Uncle Vlaartark has something very important he wants to apologize about." "For." "About." "An apology?" "I'm all ears." "Und tires..." "Und spokes..." "Und basket!" "I'm sorry I ate your pizza." "Here's your $12.21." " Do you take checks?" " I do." "Plus 18% gratuity." "Fine." "I'd give you your high "c" back, but my spell can only be broken by the power of true friendship." "And from the looks of things, you have about as many friends as I have body parts." "You das dare to cross me again?" "You are screudelschnitzel!" "I'm going to destroy the thing you love the most..." "Your mission." "Auf wiederschnitzel, bitches!" "Pazuzu is right!" "You are so selfish!" "I wish you'd never came to earth with us!" "That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me!" "Wait." "Tina to Balthy." "Over." "Please tell papa some good news." "Over." "I have great news!" "We're about to be middle class again." "That is great news, babe." "How'd you do it?" "I gave all our money to Wesley snipes." "If losing money was an Olympic event, he'd win the gold." "And then lose it!" "I'm broke, and I would like my job back." "That's what I call dynamite billionaire sarcasm." "What?" "Vampires and vegan food." "Talk about a no-brainer." "How did my people miss that one?" "I guess this means I don't get my job back." "No, sir." "But what you do get is automatic entry to the billionaire boys' club." "We have a big meeting tonight." "I got a big announcement regarding Attila." "Here." "Sign this." "Attila will be there tonight?" "I really need to talk to him." "He's gonna be the one to press the button on our cryogenic chambers when all us billionaires freeze ourselves for 10 years." "Wait, what?" "We're freezing ourselves?" "We all agreed to ride out this recession on ice." "Beats having to watch our net worths drop a hot Carl on our faces every morning." "I don't really think I want to do that." "Too late." "You signed the paperwork." "See you tonight." "Bring some pita." "What has three wheels, will be running Petromundo once Killbride is frozen, and whose first order of business will be to launch a nuclear warhead into the sun to get sweet revenge on a certain tone-deaf, pizza-burgling ex-roommate?" "This guy!" "Handlebars moving." "Look, I'm moving them." "All right." "Family meeting." "We are billionaires, Vlaartark's missing," "Attila's gonna blow up the sun, killing everyone on earth and in hell." "And I'm freezing myself for 10 years." "It's not so bad." "We have to find Uncle Vlaartark and try to get him to re-apologize to Attila!" "He's our only hope!" "If he's our only hope," "I may as well go and get started on my bucket list." "Number one:" "Sex on a camel." "Josh is right." "We just need to go to Vlaartark's favorite places and get him over to Killbride before they turn Balthy into a Balthsicle." "Well, I couldn't find a camel." "I'm back." "What are we doing?" "I'm in." "Where are you, Uncle Vlaartark?" "Okay, quiet down, you scrote sores." "I wanted to toast our newest member of the BBC," "Balthazor Hellman!" "Thank you, Mr. Killbride." "You have all made me feel very welcome..." "Time to freezy-peazy japanesies!" "The goofy scooter kraut is right." "Let's slap our golden hogs on ice and bury this recession like that stewardess who fell asleep at the bottom of my pool." "Get your heinieshlaffer into the freezy-peazies." "We couldn't find Vlaartark anywhere." "Balthy, what do we do?" "Don't let Attila blow up the sun." "Now that these billionaires are on their way to Freezytown, it's time to prepare the nuclear warhead." "Sprechen sie?" "Not so fast, Attila the dung." "Vlaartark may be a chicken-ass pussbag, but I bring the heat!" "This cone is demon-proof!" "Damn you, Attila!" "We are going to stop you from shooting that warhead!" "How can you stop me from shooting the warhead when you are das warhead?" "Put down that warhead!" "Whatever." "Too late, Vlaartard." "This warhead is set to shoot directly into the center of the sun in 20 seconds!" "Put it on pause, Hun." "You must hear me out." "I've been doing a lot of soul searching, and... you were right." "I'm listening." "I'm sorry I ate your pizza." "Here's your $12.21 plus 18% gratuity." "But I'm more sorry I lost your friendship, old friend." "That is why I said "no" to roommatesies, Pazuzu." "It wasn't you." "It was because I was afraid to lose you like I lost Attila!" "Vlaartzie!" "Sweet irony!" "You pushed me away when you wanted to pull me closer!" "Okay, good." "Now time to blow up the sun." "What?" "What?" "But why?" "If you blow up the sun, you'll die, too!" "What do I care?" "I'm a big, fat German head on a rascal body." "You think this is fun for me?" "It's not over till the fat lady sings!" "He's hitting the high "c"!" "He's really doing it!" "That's my friend out there!" "That's impossible!" "My spell is broken!" "You must be in the presence of true friendship!" "Spells don't matter when you believe in friendship." "I believe in you, Uncle Vlaartark!" "Awesome!" "Face guts!" "Chum!" "Double chum!" "2020!" "Hellman, let's get to work." "First order of business..." "Make friends with the robot leaders." "What's the warhead doing out?" "And why is it covered in face gore?" "Attila tried to shoot it into the center of the sun." "Uncle Vlaartark saved the day!" "Son of a bitch!" "Your whole family pulls magic out of their treasure canals!" "Hellman, you get a reward." "Name it and it's yours." " The drill!" " Lucky you're a billionaire, 'cause that's what it costs." " Deal!" " Balthazor Hellman, the principal invest the restaurant is now broke due to an overwhelming outbreak of rectal herpes caused by tainted tofu." "What a bummer." "Back to you, Susan." "No deal." "But you can have your job back." "Come on, fellas." "Let's go harvest the queen alien's egg colony." "Anyone want a "pizza" Attila's face?" "Hey, everybody." "My doghouse is finished." "Goblin!" "Why in the name of Helen and Bonnie Hunt did you do that to your new home?" "Because my home is where your heart is." "Goblin." "Sing with me!" "Saying I'm sorry feels so cool" "Apologies are the golden rule" "Behold!" "It's me!" "Satan!" "I understand you had a little funsies with Attila the hunsies this week." "That is correct, Dark Lord." "And you know what?" "We also learned about friendship, especially Pazuzu and Vlaartark." "You are the pizza of my heart" "You are the Pesto in my... panty drop fever" "Panty drop, panty drop, panty drop fever" "Shut up!" "And one more thing." "Even though I'm sensitive to dairy," "I'm the one who ate Attila's pizza." "Necromuncula paid the price." "Sheet treats!" "Satan out!" "I love you guys!" "We love you, too."