"The One With The Cat" "Wow!" "That ripped!" "That ripped real nice!" "How many times do I have to tell you!" "Ya, turn and sliiiide!" "Y'know, turn and slide." "You don't turn and slide, you throw it out!" "I'm tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed!" "Look, we're not throwing it out!" "I built this thing with my own hands!" "All right, how about we, how 'bout we sell it." "All right." "But, you're gonna have to tell them." "Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet?" "They seem all right with it!" "You're so Bakachan ^^;" "Hey Monica, it's Chip." "Yesss!" "Who's Chip?" "Shhh!" "Good running' into you at the bank today, so ah, here's my number, 555-9323." "Give me a call." "Later." "Chip, is Chip Matthews." "The guy who took Rachel to the prom?" "Why is he calling you?" "'Cause I ran into him at the bank, he is still soo cute." "Monica, you're so lucky!" "He's like the most popular guy in school!" "I know!" "Chip?" "Hi!" "It's Monica." "'Kay." "'Kay." "Okay." "Okay, good-bye." "Oh my God, we just had the best conversation!" "I was just leaving." "Good!" "'Cause I've got a product report to read, it's like eight pages, I hope I don't fall asleep." "Why?" "Did you write it?" "Wow!" "Look at that, Chip Matthews called." "I wonder what he wants?" "Well ah, actually..." "I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex with another guy." "Well, umm, why don't you give him a call?" "Okay." "Are you sure you wanna hear this?" "Oh, I'm sure." "Chip!" "Hi, it's Rachel." "Rachel Green." "Yeah, umm, you left me a message." "Yes you did, my roommate wrote it down." "Monica Geller." "Ohh." "Oh, that's right!" "He called to ask out Monica!" "That-that's gotta be embarrassing!" "...DUMB, DRUNKEN, BITCH!" "Thank you, thanks." "Hey, here's a question; where did you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?" "Uh-huh, first you tell us where you got the prettiest lace in all the land." "I'm reading your ad." "Looks good, uh?" "Yeah." "Stunning entertainment center." "Fine, fine Italian craftsmanship." "Oh my God, you guys are selling the entertainment center?" "Why?" "I love that thing." "You want it?" "Oh no." "Ahh, Gepeto, $5,000 dollars?" "Are you insane?" "Hey, the ad alone cost 300 bucks!" "All right look, I'm changing it to 50 bucks, or your best offer." "What kind of profit is that?" "!" "And you call yourself an accountant." "Nooo." "Oh." "What do you do?" "I can't believe you don't know what I do for a living!" "Yeah, I actually don't know..." "Good, so do ISomething to do with numbers?" "Oh my God!" "No!" "Shoo!" "Kitty!" "No!" "No-no-no!" "Shoo!" "Come on, you!" "Come on." "Crazy." "Oh my God." "What?" "Nothing." "Nothing." "What?" "What's wrong?" "I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother." "You mean the mom you met in Montauk." "She was a cat?" "!" "No, no-no, she was a human lady." "This is the spirit of my Mom Lily, the one who killed herself." "Are you sure she's in the cat, or have you been taking your grandma's glycoma medicine again?" "No Dr. Skeptismo!" "I'm sure." "First of all, okay, there's the feeling." "Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt." "My Mother's favourite fish is Orange Roughy..." "Cats...." "like....fish!" "Hi, Mommy." "Oh, I haven't seen this smile in 17 years!" "Dude, Phoebe's mom has got a huge peni..." "Let it go!" "Hey!" "Umm, when were you gonna tell me that you're going out with Chip Matthews?" "Now?" "Is it okay if I go out with Chip Matthews?" "Nooo!" "It's not okay!" "I can't believe you would want to after what he did to me!" "What, that little thing at the prom?" "Monica!" "I couldn't find him for two hours!" "He was having sex with Amy Welch!" "Come on, that was back in high school!" "How could that still bother you?" "I mean why, of all people would you want to go out with Chip?" "!" "Look, you and I went to different high schools..." "Okay, that doesn't help me, because we went to the same high school." "You went to one where you were popular, and you got to ride off Chip's motorcycle, and wear his letterman jacket." "I went to one where I wore a band uniform they had to have specially made." "They had to have that specially made?" "!" "It was a project for one of the Home Ec classes." "Oh my God, they told us that was for the mascot!" "Back then, I thought that I would never, ever get the chance to go out with a Chip Matthews, and now he's-he's called me up and asked me out." "And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go." "I-I owe her this." "I never let her eat." "Oh, you go out with him." "Oh, really?" "!" "Yeah." "Just, if it's possible, could you leave him somewhere and go have sex with another guy?" "I'll try." "So you guys having any luck getting rid of the entertainment center?" "Well, there were a couple of calls last night, but ah, I don't think any of them are gonna work out." "Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process." "Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "She keeps squirming, trying to get away!" "Just like when she was alive." "So Pheebs, how long is your mom gonna be with us?" "Well, I'm not sure." "I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that there's y'know, a new mom." "Y'know, I think she's worried that y'know, she's gonna, she's gonna be replaced." "Well, that's not gonna happen is it?" "Noo." "Okay, I have to return a call in the other room." "Why can't you use the phone in here?" "Well, I'm returning a call from a certain mom at the B-E-A-C-H." "I just spelled the wrong word." "So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebe's mom remind anyone else of a cat?" "Ross, don't start." "Come on, you-you can't tell me you actually believe that-that there's a woman inside that cat!" "I believe it." "No you don't." "Yes, I do." "No you do--y'know what, you're not gonna suck me into this." "Oh sure I am, because you always have to be right." "I do not always have to be--okay, okay." "Jurassic Park could happen." "Wow!" "That's ah, that's pretty nice!" "Pretty nice?" "You'll have to pardon my roommate, he wanted to marry this." "We don't have 50 bucks, but would you be willing to trade for it?" "We've got a canoe." "Y'know, I, I really don't think we need a canoe." "You gotta take the canoe!" "All right, just, just take the entertainment center, and then when you get home, throw the canoe away!" "We're not throwing it away!" "I built that canoe!" "Good for you!" "You guys, you're never gonna believe what I just found tacked up on a telephone pole!" "Look kinda familiar?" "Apparently Phoebe's mother also goes by the name Julio." "You guys, there's a little girl in Soho looking for this cat." "I mean, you know what that means?" "!" "Yeah-eah!" "200 dollar reward, split five ways!" "Do we have to tell her?" "Yes, we have to tell her!" "Oh, but it's made her so happy." "Little girl misses her cat." "Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat." "Okay, y'know what, I have to go have dinner with my son, can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her." "Yeah." "Thank you." "I hate when Ross is right!" "He is right, isn't he?" "Y'know what, I think this might be one of the times he's wrong." "You think?" "Oh-no, he's right." "Hi." "Hi!" "Hey!" "Uh, Pheebs, about your mom..." "Yeah?" "How's that going?" "So great." "Oh, we took a nap today and my Mom fell asleep on my tummy and purred." "That's so sweet." "I'm gonna get some coffee." "Huh?" "What'd ya say Joe?" "I'll be right there." "Pheebs..." "I just feel so, uhh....." "All right!" "I'm coming already!" "Jeez!" "Not yet!" "Not yet!" "Not yet!" "Not yet!" "Not yet!" "Not yet!" "Not yet!" "Not yet!" "Hello, Chip." "Hey, Rach!" "How ya doin'?" "I'm great!" "I'm great." "I've got a great job at Bloomingdale's, have wonderful friends, and even though I'm not seeing anyone right now, I've never felt better about myself." "So ah, Monica ready yet?" "She'll be out in a second." "So, Chip, how's umm, Amy Welch?" "Amy Welch?" "Wow!" "I haven't seen her since..." "So, Monica about ready?" "This is the unit for you my friend." "Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man." "What?" "!" "Oh yeah!" "I got in there myself once." "My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldn't, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in." "Yeah." "It was funny 'til I started feeling like I was in a coffin." "No, you, you can't fit in that thing." "That's not deep enough." "Oh yeah?" "If I can't, I'll knock five bucks off the price off the unit." "All right, you have yourself a deal." "Okay." "See?" "!" "I told ya!" "Sometimes I get in here just to get away from it!" "Hey, a nickel!" "Here, we are." "Oh my God!" "You still have the Chipper!" "The what?" "That's what we used to call your ah, your motorcycle in high school." "Y'know how a motorcycle is a Chopper, and you're Chip." "Nevermind." "No, I think it's cute." "Wow!" "A lipper from Chipper." "So you still in touch with anyone from high school?" "Umm." "Well, there's Rachel, and umm, I think that's it." "How bout you?" "Oh yeah, I still hang with Simmons and Zana, y'know." "I see Spindler a lot." "Devane, Kelly, and I run into Goldie from time to time." "Steve Brown, Zuchoff, McGwire, J.T., Breadsly." "Is that all?" "Ehh, y'know after high school, you just kinda lose touch." "Oh yeah!" "I ran into Richard Dorfman." "Ohh, how is he?" "Not so good, Simmons and I gave him a wedgie." "Isn't he an architect now?" "Yeah, they still wear underwear." "OH MY GOD!" "WHAT?" "!" "Are you all right?" "!" "Yeah..." "What happened?" "!" "What the hell happened?" "!" "How were you locked in?" "!" "And where the hell is all of our stuff?" "!" "Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didn't think big enough to fit a grown man!" "So--You got in voluntarily?" "!" "I was tryin' to make a sale!" "Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I'm gonna do?" "BEND OVER?" "!" "...and then Zana, just let one rip!" "Look, not that I enjoy talking about people who I went to high school with, 'cause I do, but umm, maybe we could talk about something else?" "Like you, I don't even know where you work?" "You know where I work!" "I do?" "The movie theatre, you used to come in all the time." "You still work at the multiplex?" "Oh, like I'd give up that job!" "Free popcorn and candy, anytime I want." "I can get you free posters for your room." "Thanks, I'm set." "Do you still live with your parents?" "Oh yeah, but I can stay out as late as I want." "Wow!" "They really got you guys." "Your T.V. The chairs." "Oh yeah, your microwave." "The stereo." "Aww, man, he took the five of spades!" "Oh, no-no-no, here it is!" "Oh my God!" "What happened?" "Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!" "So, how was your date?" "Well, y'know how I always wanted to go out with Chip Matthews in high school?" "Um-hmm." "Well, tonight, I actually went out with Chip Matthews in high school." "Oh honey, I'm sorry." "No, it's okay, not only did I get to go out with Chip Matthews, I got to dump Chip Matthews." "Ohh!" "That's so great!" "I know!" "Hey!" "So ah, what did the insurance company say?" "Oh, they said uh, You don't have insurance here, so stop calling us." "You didn't tell her?" "!" "Okay, fine!" "Pheebs?" "Yeah?" "Hi!" "Hi!" "Listen uhh, this cat belongs to a little girl." "There are flyers all over the place." "I'm sorry, sweetie." "Hey, we can take her back with you if you want." "Ohh." "Um-hmm." "But y'know, she choose to find me." "I mean, I have to respect her decision." "Right?" "That's a good call." "Right." "No!" "No!" "Look--Hey, enough is enough!" "Look, I am sorry that you feel guilty or whatever about spending time with your new mom, but this is not your old mom." "This is a cat!" "Okay, Julio the cat!" "Not mom!" "Cat!" "Ross, how many parents have you lost?" "None." "Okay, then you don't know what it feels like when one of them comes back." "Do you?" "I believe this is my Mother." "Even if I'm wrong, who cares?" "Just be a friend." "Okay?" "Be supportive." "I'm sorry." "Okay." "I don't know what to say." "You could.... say you're sorry to her mom." "I think she would like that." "Come here, here, come here, come here," "Mrs. Buffay." "Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat." "When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friend's mother." "Thank you." "We both forgive you." "So honey, what are you gonna do about the little girl?" "Yeah, okay, listen, umm, Mom, I hope you know you still mean a lot to me." "And you're welcome to come back anytime." "Pheebs, if she could come back as a couch, we'd really appreciate it." "Come on, Mom, I'll take you home." "I'll go with you.Me too." "Oh!" "Y'know, I've got an extra futon." "Dude, you don't have to brag!" "We got nothing here!"