"SMILES OF A SUMMER NIGHT" "Your theater tickets, sir." "Thank you." " It's 4:00." " Fine." "Miss Armfeldt is appearing." "Miss Armfeldt?" "I didn't know that." "Miss Armfeldt, the great actress." "Yes, I know." "What did he say at the mention of Desirée Armfeldt?" "He blushed and gave a start." " He gave a start?" " Very noticeably so." " Good-bye, gentlemen." " Good-bye, Mr. Egerman." "Out in the sun, gentlemen." "Summer is here." ""Out in the sun, gentlemen."" "He'll go straight home to his young wife." "So the son from his former marriage doesn't delve into Daddy's flower bed." "Is it true Desirée Armfeldt was his mistress?" "For two years, after the death of his first wife." "Then she threw him out." " A woman of easy virtue." " I should say so." "But then, she is an actress." "Well, that says it all." "EGERMAN" " ATTORNEY-AT-LAW" "Adolf, Mr. Egerman is here." "He'll be here presently." "Presently." "How do you do, sir?" "I have to say that the photographs of your young wife are the most excellent portraits ever taken by this studio." "An outstanding artistic achievement." "The subject..." "The subject is always paramount." "Yes." "Anne Egerman is beautiful." " Is my wife in?" " Yes, sir." "She's waiting with tea." "She's asked for you repeatedly, sir." " I'm a little late." "The weather is beautiful." "Yes, summer is here." "Though I prefer autumn." "Early autumn, that is." " How old are you, Petra?" " Eighteen, sir." " A pleasant age." " Do you think so too, sir?" " Is my son at home?" " He is reading to madam." ""Virtue arms the virtuous man, and although temptation is an attack, it is not a defeat." "Apropos of this, Martin Luther said," "'You cannot stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from nesting in your hair."'" "Hello, children." "Hello, Mrs. Egerman." "Forgive me for holding up tea, but I see you've had company." "Hello, my son." "How did you do at the examination?" "Silly question." "Brilliantly, I'm sure." "The professor praised Henrik." "He said it was nice to see a theologian who wasn't a fool." "Still determined to enter the church?" " Don't be mean, Fredrik." " I didn't say anything." "Oh, what fun!" "We're going to the theater tonight!" "What shall I wear?" "And you have time to go!" "What fun!" "What shall I wear?" "Imagine!" "You finding time to take your little Anne to the theater." "Henrik, look!" "Theater tickets!" "Would you rather go with Henrik?" "When I can go with you, who are always so busy?" "What shall I wear?" "The blue one with the feathers?" "Or the yellow one?" "Is it a comedy?" "I know." "The white one goes with both laughter and tears." "How thoughtless of me to buy only two tickets." "But I suppose comedy is all too worldly for a man of God." "Perhaps." "Anne dearest?" "To enjoy the performance to the fullest, I suggest we take a nap first." "Will you forgive us for deserting you?" "See you at dinner." " Stop walking like that." " How do you mean, sir?" " Just what I said: "Stop walking like that."" " And how is that?" " You sway your hips, Petra." " Do I?" "I do!" "How funny." "Desirée... how I've longed for you." "Pray tell me about the countess." "I have never met her, only seen her from a distance." "I fully understand your request, Madam de Vilmorac." "I shall, to the best of my ability, seek to depict the countess's person, which, however, is all too nuanced and rich in mysterious contradictions to be described in a few moments." "Her power over men is said to be of a singular quality." "Countess Celimène de Francen de la Tour de Casas." " Who's playing the countess?" " Miss Armfeldt, I believe." " Isn't her first name Desirée?" " It is." "May I have the glasses?" " Why did she look at us?" " I don't think she did." "She looked at us and smiled." "Why?" "To acknowledge the applause." " She's extremely beautiful." " It's only makeup." "How can you be sure?" "Have you seen her in real life?" "We all know that each man has his dignity." "We women have the right to commit manifold sins against husbands, lovers and sons, excepting one:" "to offend their dignity." "If we do so, we are foolish and must bear the consequences." "Rather, we should make of a man's dignity our foremost ally and caress it, soothe it, speak fondly to it and handle it as our dearest toy." "Only then do we have a man in our hands, at our feet, or wherever else we want him at that particular moment." "Do you believe this can be reconciled with true and sincere love, madam?" "Do not forget, madam, that love is a perpetual juggling of three balls, the names of which are heart, words and loins." "How easy it is to juggle these three balls, and how easy to drop one of them." "I shudder at this lack of decency!" "I want to go home." "I assure you that Her Ladyship's lack of decency is highly moral, and her influence on all men greatly ennobling, whatever their standing may be." "Why... is the play already over?" "Madam is not feeling well." "Help her to bed, Petra." "Certainly, sir." "To your health, my son." "I didn't know playing guitar was part of a clergyman's education." "A fine wine." "You have good taste." "I'm glad you're celebrating your examination." " I'm so terribly unhappy." " Yes, of course." " You're being sarcastic." " Why should you be unhappy?" "You're young, the moon is out, you passed your exam, and you have champagne and a girl who is decidedly... attractive." "Yet you are unhappy." "Such are the expectations of youth." " I don't love her." " So much the better." "We sinned, and still it was all..." "If thrown from the saddle, you must remount immediately." "This is true of both love and riding." " That's disgusting!" "Why confuse things, my boy?" "Sex is the young boy's and the old man's toy." "Love is..." " So a young man can't love?" " Oh, yes!" "A young man loves always... himself." "His self-love, and his love of love itself." "But a mature man like yourself knows all about love?" " I think so." " That must be wonderful." "It's dreadful, my son, and very difficult to cope with." "Are you being sincere now, Father?" "Petra was so kind." ""Better luck next time," she said, laughing." "What did you say?" "Oh, yes!" "One's first time is always a miserable farce!" "Fortunately, women don't take it half as seriously as we do." "Otherwise the human race would die out." " You joke about everything." "You will too, when you see your own foolishness, and the triviality of your illusions." "Madam wishes to say good night, sir." "I'll be right there, Petra." "You are a good girl, Petra." "I shall see to it you have a raise." "Would you be jealous?" "Jealous?" "If Henrik started courting me, or if I took a fancy to him?" "It's just a hypothetical question." "You and your ideas." "Would you be jealous?" "Answer me." "I can't answer unless I'm sitting up." "Yes, I believe I'd be jealous." "Because you're both so young and I'm so old, and because I'm fond of you both." "You are frightfully old." "Why did you marry me?" "Can you answer that?" "Is this a cross-examination?" "Did you think I was pretty?" "Well, yes." "Awfully pretty." "Different from other women?" "That too." "And I was only 16." "Well, yes... that too." "I was domestic and always cheerful." "And you made me cheerful." "And the wolf thought," ""I wonder what a young girl would taste like."" "ls that what you think?" "Admit the wolf had wicked thoughts." "Yes, perhaps the wolf did, sometimes." "Then the wolf was disappointed." "Why?" "You were so lonely and sad that summer." "I felt so awfully sorry for you." "And then we got engaged." "It was I who suggested it." "Have you forgotten that?" "One grows forgetful with age." "I shall sleep now." "One day I shall really be your wife, and we shall have a child." "Yes." "You must be patient with me." "Good night." "It wasn't a very amusing play." "We didn't see much of it." "How old can that Armfeldt woman be?" "I don't know." "Fifty, no doubt." "Oh, I don't think so." "Old, in any case." "Good night." ""Virtue is continuous, for if interrupted, it ceases to be virtue." "Neither does a virtue recently initiated merit the name virtue." "Virtue is diametrically opposed not only to the indecent act, but as much... nay, more..." "to the indecent thought or fantasy." "Virtue arms the virtuous man, and although temptation is an attack, it is not a defeat." "Apropos of this, Martin Luth..."" "You're not listening." "I am, but I don't understand." "Your mind is elsewhere!" "Not where you think." "I was thinking of your father." "He's an old cynic!" "I think he's sweet." "When he looks at you with his roguish eyes, you feel a tingle all over." "You are a wanton, lascivious woman!" "It's a pity you're so sweet at one end and so muddled at the other." " What do you mean by that?" " Oh, nothing." "You're as sweet as a little doll, Master Henrik." " Hello, Malla." " Bless me!" "Miss Glad!" "Would you be so kind and wash my collars?" "Where are you, Mr. Almroth?" "Fredrik!" "You old goat, you brute, you long-nosed camel!" "You're looking unusually human." "Thanks for the compliment." "Is your large pectoral muscle aching?" "The heart, as mere mortals call it." "That's not why I've come." "Oh, no." "It was always your noblest parts that brought you to Desirée." "It's funny, but today when I took a nap with my wife," "I was dreaming of you in a..." "Anyway, I was dreaming of you." "I suddenly realized I was murmuring your name while caressing my wife." "Fortunately, Anne didn't notice." "How touching." ""In his dreams she lived on..."" "You've grown mean in your old age." "Old!" "What are you talking about?" "For the past three years I've been 29, which is nothing for a woman my age." "My young wife thought you were 50." "What do you say to that?" "The little shrew!" "Fredrik, it means she knows." " What?" "Whatever you said about me in your sleep." "Come to think of it, she did seem upset." "She cried and asked odd questions." "And Anne is no fool." " She can't be, if she dared marry you." "Promise not to laugh and I'll tell you something." "Sit over there while I take off my dress." "You can laugh all you want." "We've been married for two years and I haven't..." "In short, she is still untouched." "The end of the world is near!" "The old wolf has turned into the tender shepherd." "She's afraid of me, and I can understand why." "I want her to mature undisturbed." "I want her to come to me without fear." "Of her own free will, not as a duty or by force." "I believe you love her." "A sullied word." "But if I've ever loved anyone, it's her." "Fredrik Egerman in love..." "I can't believe it." "One gets strange ideas with the passing years." "Ideas like gentleness, consideration, and love." "A remarkable girl who has made you suffer from something other than toothaches." "When I return home, she runs to greet me because she's happy I'm back." "She's headstrong as a spoiled child." "She's hot-tempered and gets violently angry." "She's so vivacious that my house is settling and the walls are cracking." "She is tender and affectionate." "She likes my smoking a pipe." "She likes me... as if I were her father." "Dear God." "I'm a grown man." "All too often the goat rears his head and brays." "Then I become sorry and angry." "It's not what I had planned." "What do you want from me?" "I want you to tell me Anne is a hopeless case." "Or the opposite." "Or anything else." "How could I?" "I don't know her." "You must help me, Desirée." "For old friendship's sake." "Well, that's one reason, isn't it?" "Our superb trysts aside, you are my only friend." "The only person to whom I can show myself in all my unsightly nakedness." "And what do I get in return?" "I have a young son... take him." "Shame on you." "A mount?" "A noble steed?" "Not enough." "A string of pearls?" "I have plenty already." "You will be rewarded in heaven." "No, Fredrik Egerman!" "I want my reward in this life." "Excuse me while I have a bath." " Certainly." "Should I leave the room?" "Don't be foolish." "I'm still bleeding." "Fredrik, come over here." "Am I as beautiful as I was?" "Have the years changed me?" "Be honest." "You are just as beautiful, just as desirable." "The years have given your body that perfection which perfection itself lacks." "An excitement not found in excellence." "The show is over." "Go and sit on the sofa." "Can you finish fooling about so I can dress you?" "Oh, no, you're cross with me, Malla." "Not cross." "Just sleepy." "If it weren't for you, Malla, I'd be a reed shaken by the wind." "Either way, you're a confounded reed!" "Is that gentleman handsome and worth consideration?" "I know Mr. Egerman." "He's as scattered as they come." "As scattered as they come." "Miss Desirée is getting on." "Before you know it, you'll be on the wrong side of your salad days." "So I'm wasting my youth on the wrong men?" "There's a time for gaiety and a time for gravity." "One doesn't want too many scratches in the veneer." "Where is my red dress?" " Are you going to a party?" " Yes, I am." "I'm going out with Fredrik Egerman." "We are going to revive old memories." "You are hereby formally invited for a glass of wine." "Go away, all bitterness trials and tribulations" "Here and now we only have frolic and sweet loving" "Let us all be merry now" "Pleasure is our only vow" "To make love our reason does prescribe you" "And if we never loved" "Oh!" "What would we do in life?" "Watch out for the puddle, Fredrik." "I say, Fredrik, aren't you handsome!" "Put the nightcap on." " I object!" "You could catch a cold, so put on the nightcap." "How could a woman ever love a man?" "Can you tell me that?" "A woman's view is seldom based on aesthetics." "And one can always turn out the light." " Whose clothes are these?" " A man's." " It's too..." " It would be worse if you were naked." " What if he shows up?" " He's on maneuvers." "Really, a soldier?" "What's wrong with that?" "Beneath their uniforms, they're just like other men." "A dragoon, perhaps?" "He's a very handsome man." "What was that?" " That was Fredrik." " Fredrik?" "Yes, Fredrik." "How strange you look." "Did I..." "I mean, did you..." "That is..." "Surely it can't be." "Now look at Fredrik Egerman." "As white as a sheet, yet, at the same time, a bit flattered, touched and enormously sentimental." ""My dearest Desirée, alone and brave you have toiled on all these years, sacrificing all for this token of our love."" "Just answer my question!" "The child is mine and mine alone." "His name is Fredrik!" "After Frederick the Great of Prussia." "Desirée!" "Go to sleep now." "Pay no attention to what the silly man says." "I would never have your child." "You're not fit to have a child." "Finish your toddy and leave!" "May I wish you a thoroughly enjoyable night." " May I say something?" " You're the same as ever." "Dead serious where you're concerned, cynical and stupid when it comes to others." " May I say something?" " No!" "This is a historic moment:" "You've finally been hit by tremors of feeling above the navel!" "I too have feelings!" " Calm down now." "I am perfectly calm." "Can I help it if I have a temper?" "May I say something?" "No, you may not!" "You long-nosed baboon, I wish that just once you'd shatter to the core, so much so that not a fart was left!" "I have suffered quite a lot." "You've suffered!" "From what?" "Tight shoes?" "The solicitor whose head is as orderly as his desk." " I wish to speak!" " No, I'm speaking!" "And I will speak, even if I have nothing to say!" "You've made me so furious that I forgot what I was thinking!" "What were you going to say?" " I forget." " May I go to bed now?" " Of course, Malla dear." " Do you want sugar?" " No, thank you." "Forgive my thoughtlessness." "You too must know what loneliness is, despite your wife and son." "Sometimes my home seems like some kindergarten for love." "How very fitting." "At least we were both adults." "We knew what we were doing." "So we were adults?" "We knew what we were doing?" "Especially when we broke it off, right?" " You broke it off, not me." "What did you have to offer me?" "Security?" "A future?" "Were you even in love with me?" "I was a nice playmate, a pretty thing to show off to your bachelor friends." "Did you intend to marry me?" " Well, I..." "My wife had just died." "Don't dance around the question." "Were you going to marry me?" "Maybe not just then." "See?" "Besides, you valiantly amused yourself with scores of other women." "But you were the headquarters." "Just thinking of how I let you treat me infuriates me!" "You were a scoundrel!" "Why get so cross?" "Why scold and call me names?" " You never forgave easily." " Oh, no?" "Who brought up the past?" "What's it to me if you love your child bride and can't manage her?" "What's it to me if your heart is bleeding?" "Let it bleed, and feel how it stings." "I thought we were friends." "Now I see I was mistaken, and I curse my candor of moments ago!" "Why should I be friends with you?" "You've never had any friend but yourself." "Just like you, in that case!" "I have the theater, my dear sir." "The theater is my life, and I have my talent." "I don't need anyone's help with anything, except to lace me up." "So we say good night." "My dreams will be strictly monogamous in future." "I'd be most grateful to be spared all participation in your base fantasies, my dear sir." "Besides, you weren't very good as the countess." "The part should go to a younger member of your troupe." "But you still have your name, Mademoiselle Armfeldt." "Look out, Fredrik Egerman, lest a younger member of your family assume your role as husband." " Who is that?" " I fear it is Malcolm." "You mean the dragoon?" "I'll ask Malla to answer the door." " I forbid you to answer it." " Are you frightened?" "A gentleman does not face a rival deprived of his trousers." "Malla, could you answer the door?" "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" "I must warn you:" "Malcolm is a very jealous man." "Is he armed?" "He could probably kill you bare-handed, if he were so inclined." "Perhaps I could hide." "We're not on the stage, Fredrik dear." "But this is still a damned farce!" "I beg you excuse my dusty appearance." "My faithful horse Rummel fell just outside town." "Some humble flowers I managed to pick from a nearby garden." "How charming, dearest Carl-Magnus." "And what lovely flowers." "How long will you stay?" " I have 20 hours' leave." "Three to get here, nine with you, five with my wife, and three to return." "Would you mind if I changed into my robe?" " It's occupied, I'm afraid." " So I see." "But I thought it soon would be available." "Allow me to introduce you." "This is Mr. Egerman, the lawyer." "Count Malcolm." "Charmed, I'm sure." "Mr. Egerman fell in the pool of water by the front gate." "I hope you weren't hurt." "Not a scratch." "I'm so glad." "Is your visit at this hour of an official nature?" "We are old friends." "I also see my nightshirt has proven useful." "It fits you well, I trust?" "Not too small, not too large?" "Very well, thank you." "Neither too small... nor too large." "I suppose I should see if your clothes are dry, Fredrik." "Don't you think?" "Mademoiselle Armfeldt has been my mistress for six months." "I am an extremely jealous man, a trait other men are ashamed of, thinking it a flaw." "I'm not ashamed." "I'm frank." "I openly admit that I do not tolerate pugs, lapdogs, cats or so-called old friends." "Have I made myself clear?" "I couldn't possibly misunderstand." " Are you fond of dueling?" " I have never tried." "I have fought 18 duels." "Pistol, rapier, foil, spear, bow, poison, rifle." "I have been wounded six times." "Otherwise Fortune has favored me, or "that cold rage"" "which, according to General Sommer, makes the victorious soldier." "I am truly impressed." "You see this fruit knife?" "I shall throw it across the room." "Its target is the photograph of the old lady." "The face." "The eye." "Watch closely." "You should perform in a circus." " You're a lawyer?" " At your service." "I believe your profession to be society's parasites." "Allow me to express my admiration for your military frankness." "Speaking of which, will there be a war?" "Why should there be a war?" "I wonder that myself." " Are you being impudent?" " Certainly!" " Have you enjoyed yourselves?" " I've been greatly entertained." "Are my clothes dry?" " Not at all." "I am happy to lend you my nightshirt for your journey home." "You may well want to accept that generous offer." "I should like to keep the robe, if you don't mind." "I thank you for your kindness, but I'd rather put on my wet clothes." "Regrettably, there is no time for that, Mr. Egerman." "It's late and you are in a great hurry." "Do as he says." "Good night." "Here are your clothes." "Miss Desirée sends her best regards and says you shouldn't be sorry." "How kind." " She found your quarrel stimulating." " She said that, did she?" "She was sorry you and she were interrupted." "Interrupted?" "She had looked forward a great deal to your reconciliation." "Whatever could she have meant by that?" "Good morning, Mama." "What brings you to visit your old mother at 7:00 in the morning?" "I have broken up with Count Malcolm." " Is there someone else?" " Perhaps." " Do I know him?" " Perhaps you do." " Better or worse?" " That depends on your angle." "Besides, he is not aware of his promotion." "Look at that!" "I won at solitaire." "One always does if one cheats a little." "You're wrong there." "Solitaire is the only thing in life that calls for absolute honesty." "What were we talking about?" " My husband-to-be." "A very interesting subject." "At least for you, dear girl." "Why did you break it off with the count?" "He threatened me with a poker." "That was very naughty of the count." "In all probability he had his reasons." "For once I truly was innocent." "It must have been early in the evening." "And what did you do?" "I hit him on the head with the poker." "What did the count say then?" "We elected to part amicably." "Very wise." "A cast-off lover on good terms can be most useful." "What were we talking about?" "Whatever we were talking about." "It was different in my day." "Your father once threw me out of a window." " Was it open?" " No, closed." "I fell straight onto a lieutenant colonel." "He later became your father." "You said my father threw you out." "He became your father later, I said." "Aren't you listening?" "My God, I loved him so!" "Which one?" "The one who threw me out the window, of course." "The other one was a dolt." "He never could do anything amusing." "Why don't you write your memoirs?" "My dear daughter," "I was given this estate for promising not to write my memoirs." "I want you to give a party for me." "I don't remember promising you that." "Just this once, dear Mother, say yes." "Well, bring me the invitation cards." "Who are we inviting?" "If it's actors, they'll have to eat in the stables." "The Count and Countess Malcolm." "Mr. Egerman the lawyer, his wife and his son Henrik." "I see." "And what are your intentions?" "I mean to do a good deed." "Beware of good deeds." "They cost far too much." "And they have a nasty smell." "You don't know how good this deed will be." "Well, lawyers can always come in handy." "I admire your muddled astuteness." "Do you really love that ass?" "Which do you mean?" " Which do you mean?" " Oh, that one." "Yes, I love him." "As I have always said, "Desirée, you worry me!"" "Your character is far too strong." "You got that from your father." "Which one?" "I have several to choose from." " What was that?" " You're not listening." "I never have." "Is that why you're so healthy?" "If people only knew how unhealthy it is to pay attention to what people say, they wouldn't bother to listen, and they'd feel so much better." "Were we discussing anything important?" "Is anything really important to you?" "I am tired of people." "But that doesn't stop me from loving them." "Nicely put." "Yes, wasn't it?" "I could have had them stuffed and hung in long rows, any number of them." "Have you finished with the cards?" "Yes, the capital letters came out well." "Thank you." "I'll take them." "One can never protect a single human being from any kind of suffering." "That is what makes one so tremendously weary." "Where is my husband?" "In the skittle alley, Countess." " Niklas!" " Yes, Captain." "Saddle up Semiramis at 9:00." "Yes, Captain." "Furthermore, send Mile Armfeldt 50 red roses, with a message." "And 55 yellow roses to my wife..." "no message. ls that clear?" " Yes, Captain." " Get on with it." " Aren't you on maneuvers?" " A quick visit." "Watch out, it's loaded." " Inspection?" " You could call it that." "I missed." "You didn't even hit the target." "You aimed too long." "How was Miss Armfeldt?" "A gentleman in a nightshirt was there." " What did you do?" " I kicked the lawyer out." " In a nightshirt?" " In a nightshirt." "Lawyer?" "Egerman." " That was better." " Mr. Egerman himself." "People have no morals these days." "Poor Anne." "Are you leaving today?" " At 9:00." "That's good." "The pleasure is all mine." "When do you return?" "We're invited to old Mrs. Armfeldt's this weekend." "The Egermans will be there too." " How interesting." "Look at that." "Bull's-eye." "What would you say if I shot you instead?" "What will my wife do today?" "I'll be bored, as usual." "You should pay a visit to your friend Anne Egerman." "She's probably ignorant of her husband's escapades." "Are you that jealous?" "My wife may cheat on me, but if anyone touches my mistress, I become a tiger!" "Good day, fair lady." "Good morning, son." "Please sit." "Are you leaving today?" " I may stay a little longer." "No birds nesting in your hair, then?" "No." "I almost had one laying eggs in mine." " What did you say?" " Nothing." "Enjoy your breakfast." "Good morning, Petra." " Good morning, sir." "I saw you." " What's the harm in it?" " None, but it's not right either." "And you're one to know?" "You're just a social climber, Petra." "But a tart remains a tart, even if she tarts about with His Majesty the King." "That's madam." "I'll see to her." "Brush my hair, Petra." "It feels so nice." "Yes, madam." " Are you a virgin, Petra?" " Dear me, no!" " I am." " I know." " How do you know?" " You can tell by your skin and eyes." "Can everybody see it?" "No, I don't think so." " How old were you, Petra?" " Sixteen, madam." "Was it horrible?" "Bless me, madam." "It was so nice and fun, you could almost die." "Were you in love with the boy?" "Yes, I suppose I was." "Have you loved many since?" "I'm always in love, madam." " But not with the same one?" " No, you tire of them." "That makes it even nicer with the next one." "Nearly everything that is fun is not virtuous." "If so, hurrah for vice." "Just a ribbon today." "You should put your hair up." "It's more feminine..." "I don't want it up today." "Very well, madam." " Which dress shall I wear?" " The yellow one." "I'll take the blue." "I have a good figure." "At least as good as yours, Petra." "Would you like to be a man?" "Dear me, no!" "What a horrid thought!" "I wouldn't like to be a man either." "I'll feed the birds now, and then I'll see to my plants." "We do have our duties." "Isn't that so, Petra?" "Good morning, Beata." "I thought we should have a nice roast for dinner today." "We're having fish today." "I want roast." "Naturally you can have roast, madam." "But the gentlemen will have fish." " What are you doing with that?" " Watering the flowers." "I watered them at 7:00 this morning." "But that's my chore." "Well, it's been done." " What are you reading?" " A book." " So I see." "What is it called?" " You wouldn't understand if I told you." "I demand to know the title of your book." "What did I tell you?" "What a horrible old robe!" "Give it to me." "I'm going to burn it." "Phew, what a stench!" "It's probably never been washed." "And what are those slippers?" "Take them off immediately, you pig!" "I will burn them too." "How can you smoke that disgusting old pipe?" "And here's for flirting with Petra." "Shame on you!" "Come in." "What do you want, little girl?" "I'm sorry I disturbed you." "Countess Malcolm, madam." "Charlotte!" "How nice!" "Bring us some lemonade and biscuits." "Isn't it hot?" "A veritable heat wave." "What a beautiful dress." " Allow me to repay the compliment." " I wish I had your beautiful coloring." "I have always wanted your looks." "I can't wear my hair down like a young girl." "Yet we're the same age, aren't we?" "How old are you, Charlotte?" "How old are you?" "Nineteen, but I'll be 20 soon." "Well, I'm a few years older." "So how are you?" "Henrik is home." "He did very well on his exams, his professor says." "By the way, how is your husband?" "Well..." "He is very well." "So the good Mr. Egerman is well." "He hasn't caught a cold, then?" " In this heat?" "It wasn't so warm last night." "I'm not sure I understand, dear." "It's the oddest thing." "Your husband was seen in town last night." " He must have gone for a walk." " In his nightshirt?" "Why shouldn't he do that if he wants to?" "They say he came from the house of Mlle Armfeldt, the actress." "Fredrik has always liked the theater." "I hear she holds orgies in her house." "Another biscuit, Charlotte?" " Are they old Beata's?" " Yes, she's a real treasure." "I'm not a gossipmonger, as you know." "What if I already knew?" " You mean he told you?" " Certainly." "A likely story." " He did." " I simply don't believe you." "I suppose he met your husband at Miss Armfeldt's house." "I'm sure I don't understand." "But dear, the whole town knows about him and Mlle Armfeldt." "What of it?" "It's none of my business what the cad does." "I respond in kind." " Poor Charlotte." " I hate him!" "I hate him, hate him, hate him!" "Men are horrid... vain and conceited." "And they have hair all over their bodies." "He smiles at me... kisses me." "He comes to me at night, driving me insane with his caresses." "He speaks kindly to me and brings me flowers, always yellow roses." "He talks about his horses, his women and duels." "About his soldiers and his hunting..." "talks and talks and talks!" "Love is a loathsome business." "In spite of everything, I still love him." "I would do anything for him." "Anything, do you understand?" "Just so he'll pat me on the head and say, "That's a good dog."" "Poor you." "Desirée is so strong and independent." "No one can master her." "Not even Carl-Magnus." "That's why he's obsessed by her." "I don't know her." "All men are drawn to her." "I don't understand it." "Well, I'm glad you knew." "No harm done, then." "No." "Most likely she has never loved." "What?" "Who?" "Desirée." "She has most likely never loved anyone." "She probably loves only herself." "Good morning, Countess." "How nice of you to visit." "I hope you're enjoying yourselves." "Yes, we're having a lovely time." "We're invited to old Mrs. Armfeldt's." "Isn't that Desirée Armfeldt's mother?" "So I believe." "Perhaps we'll meet the great actress." "Wouldn't that be nice?" " Are you invited too, Countess?" "Yes, my husband and I. What a coincidence." " You go." "I don't feel like it." " I'll decline for both of us." " Wait." "I've changed my mind." " So we're going?" "I'm so looking forward to it." "How are you feeling?" " Excellent." "Just a slight cold." "Ladies." "I don't understand..." "How charming of you to have us here for the weekend, Mrs. Armfeldt." "Your children are very beautiful, especially the young girl." "The young girl is my wife, Mrs. Armfeldt." "I believe you lead a strenuous life, Mr. Egerman." "My profession is rather taxing." "Really, Mr. Egerman?" "I wouldn't have thought so." "I'm afraid I don't quite follow." "That is of little consequence." "The main thing is not to lose one's head, wouldn't you say?" " So you're Petra." " And you're Frid." "You're a charming little piece of woman." "I don't suppose you've heard that before?" "Stop that and take down the trunk." " Do you have a beau?" " No, but I have plans for the future." "Then I'm the right man for you..." "a man of the future." "Have the other guests arrived?" "No, but they'll be here soon." " Your Mr. and Mrs. have that room." " And their son Henrik?" " You seem very interested, eh?" " The cheek!" "This is the boy's room, and damned good it is, too!" "Do you know why?" "I'll tell you." "It's a guest room for royalty." "Oh, really?" "Has there been true royalty in here?" "You see, the king had a minister, and the minister had a beautiful wife." "And His Highness took a fancy to the young wife." "The king and his minister met here." "The minister and his wife were in Mr. and Mrs. Egerman's room." "The king was here." " And the wife came here." "Nope, you're wrong there, little maid!" "When the minister was asleep, the king pushed this button." "Do it and see what happens." "You're just teasing me." "Do as I say." "Thus the pretty lady came through the wall, bed and all, to frolic with His Highness." "My, how clever." "A bed like that would be good to have." "You're a little devil, aren't you?" "Don't pinch!" "Oh, look." "Who is that beautiful lady down there?" "Is that Desirée, the actress?" "If only I had her looks." "How nice of you to come." "And this is your young wife." "Delighted." "Count Malcolm, my wife." "Charmed." "Mr. Egerman, Countess Malcolm." "We've met before." " Charlotte!" " Anne!" "I'm delighted to see you, Countess." "We've spoken so much of your talents, Miss Armfeldt." "Would you like to see your room?" "Yes, it would be nice to freshen up a bit." "Speaking of automobiles... the road permitting, we hurtled along at 20 miles per hour!" "I have a plan." "Does it concern me?" "Very much so." " Are you prepared to be frank?" " Why not?" "We are enemies, after all." "Would you care for a cigarette?" "No, thank you." "I only smoke cigars." "Enemies can sometimes have mutual interests." "Should they then go on being enemies and disregard these mutual interests?" "Not two women." "Then let us make peace, at least for the moment." "Unfortunately my husband has no ring in his nose to be tethered by." "True, he does have his free will, however that is constituted." "In addition, there is his unyielding virility, which troubles him a great deal." "Yes, he's a slave to it." " No, I rather pity him." " Pity!" "They're playing croquet." "Who is the undisputed champion?" "Who is cock of the walk?" "Who is turning an innocent game into an offensive battle for prestige?" " This is your ball, Mr. Egerman." " I'm afraid so." "As you know, I am now entitled to knock your ball away." "That laughter means he's angry." "Angry and jealous." " Of you?" " Of you." "Why of me?" "The way you greeted Mr. Egerman made him furious." "How utterly ridiculous." "Yes, that's how ridiculous it is." "So, tell me about this plan of yours." "It's very simple." "You get your husband back, and I..." "And you?" "Can I really trust you?" "And you get Mr. Egerman back." "ls that it?" "Men never know what's best for them." "We have to set them on the right track." "And your plan?" "First there's the seating for dinner." "So, my dear Carl-Magnus, you consider all women seducible?" "Absolutely!" "Age, class, conditions and looks are of no consequence." "Even married women?" "Especially married women." "In that case, your main ally is not your own assets, but the married woman's marital ennui." " Bravo!" " What's your opinion, Mr. Egerman?" "Can women never be the seducers?" "Men are always the ones seduced." "Nonsense!" "I have never been seduced." "A man is always on the offensive." "Not Mr. Egerman, apparently." "He just wants to appear more interesting." "Before you begin your "offensive," the ground has long since been mined and your enemy wise to your strategy." "Enemies, offensives, strategies, mines!" "Are you discussing love or warfare?" "My dear young man, sensible adults often treat love as if it were a military campaign or a gymnastics exhibition." "We were brought into the world to love one another." "I believe I could seduce Mr. Egerman in less than 15 minutes." "We men don't swallow such large hooks, my dear." "Oh, but you do." " Not at all." " Charlotte is right." "Shall we make a wager?" "Most amusing." " You don't dare bet with your wife?" " I do!" "My dear children and friends." "According to legend, this wine is pressed from grapes whose juice gushes out like drops of blood against the pale grape skin." "It is also said that to each cask filled with this wine was added a drop of milk from a young mother's breast and a drop of seed from a young stallion." "These lend to the wine secret seductive powers." "Whoever drinks hereof does so at his own risk and must answer for himself." "I drink to my love." "To my success." "Anne." " Behave yourself." " You behave yourself!" " What is this language?" " There are limits to what I'll tolerate." "Are you an emperor to rule over all our thoughts?" "Calm down, Henrik." "You don't know what you're saying." "But you do?" "You, who are completely devoid of all normal decency." "When I bring you my sorrows, you reply with sarcasm." "I'm ashamed to call you my father." "Shut up or leave the table." "For once, I don't feel like keeping quiet." "I feel like smashing this glass!" "Here's another." "Smash as many as you like." "You're a great artist." "Don't you suffer from the lies and compromises?" "Doesn't your own life torment you?" "Why don't you try laughing at us?" "It's too painful to be comical." "Henrik, calm down." "Calm down, Henrik." "Why is youth so dreadfully merciless?" "And who gave them permission to be that way?" "Young people count on not growing as old as us." "I might as well be dead." "The boy is entering the church." "He's paid to create twitchings in our reluctant souls." "Are you going to hit me?" "By all means, do." "It'll be your loss." "Forgive me." "Please forgive me, all of you." "Henrik, you mustn't hurt yourself!" "May I retire?" "Ladies and gentlemen, coffee is served in the yellow pavilion." "And we thought the first step was the most difficult." "But the most delicate one comes next." "What are you two whispering about?" "Let's have some coffee, my Count." " Are you crying?" " Me?" "No." "Shall we go?" "Or stay?" "Laugh or cry?" "Or make funny faces?" "Let me apply some salve to your wound." "Why did you do that?" "Was it unpleasant?" "To make your husband jealous?" "He can't see us." "You're not much older than my wife." " But much more dangerous." " To yourself, maybe." "To myself and others." "But I always give advance warning." "I'm an honest little rattlesnake." "I'm warning you now." "Why am I so ugly, so mean, so stupid?" "The only right thing would be suicide." "Yes, that's it." "I shall die." "Pass away with quiet dignity." "Oh, Lord!" "If your world is full of sin, then I want to sin." "Let the birds nest in my hair." "Take my wretched virtue from me." "I can't stand it any longer." "I must be dead after all." "Anne." "I love you." "I love you." "I have loved you all along." "I have loved you all along." "Do you see, little one?" "The summer night is smiling." "So you're a poet too." "The summer night has three smiles." "This is the first, between midnight and dawn, when young lovers open their hearts and loins." "Look there." "On the horizon is a smile so soft you have to be very quiet and watchful to see it at all." "Young lovers." "Did that move you, my little pet?" "Why have I never been a young lover?" "Can you tell me that?" "My dear little girl... console yourself." "There are few young lovers in this world." "You could almost count them." "Love has smitten them both as a gift and a punishment." " And the rest of us?" " The rest of us." "What becomes of us?" "We invoke love, call out to it, beg for it, cry for it, try to mimic it." "We think we own it and tell lies about it." " But we don't have it." " No, my sugar pie." "We are denied the love of loving." "We don't have the gift." " Nor the punishment." " Nor the punishment." "What?" "Yes, of course." "What is it?" "Tell me!" "Bless me!" "You must hurry!" "Now follows the second smile of the summer night." "For the jesters, the fools... and the incorrigible." "Then she must be smiling at us." "Would you like a beer?" "Then she is smiling at us, I said!" "Correct." "She's smiling at us." "Do you want to marry me?" "An hour ago you said you wanted to!" "That was then!" "You will marry me!" "You're a strong little sugar plum!" "You will marry me!" "You will, you will, you will!" "Little Charlotte." "I can't trust you after all." "No, something must be done!" "Do you not have a shred of decency?" "What if my wife wakes up?" "What a scandal!" "Your wife is already awake." "Is she?" "The bed is empty." "She's not here." "Hurry up and find her." "Your tone is making me nervous." "What do you mean?" "Charlotte is in the pavilion." " With whom?" " Mr. Egerman." "Turn around, Desirée, and hand me my trousers." "What are you going to do?" "I'll make scrambled eggs of that damned lawyer!" "I have had enough of his faces and utterances!" "I'll show him the wasp's sting!" "Are you that jealous?" "One can dally with my mistress, but touch my wife and I become a tiger!" "Leave us, Charlotte." "Mr. Egerman and I wish to be alone." "I urgently request that you remove yourself." "We are going to play roulette." " Roulette?" " Russian roulette." " I don't understand." "As you would be irretrievably lost if we met with weapons in hand," "I have the honor of offering you a duel which gives us exactly equal odds." "I still don't understand." "The revolver is loaded with a single bullet." "You close your eyes, spin the cylinder, point the gun at your temple and pull the trigger." "Each of us repeats the process twice." "That means the odds are 12 to two." "Are they still in the pavilion?" "They're not to be disturbed." "Why not?" "It's some kind of roulette." "I shall spin the gun now." "Whomever the barrel points at begins." "To faithful wives." "To you, Count Malcolm." "Exquisite cognac." "It is said to have been imported by a close friend of old Mrs. Armfeldt." "He was killed shortly thereafter in a duel." "The bullet was in the next chamber." "Allow me to say that you impress me, Mr. Egerman." "It's not courage, dear sir." "To your health!" "Something wrong with the mechanism?" "I heard your wife eloped with your son." "ls this true?" "It is." "To youth, Mr. Egerman." "I loaded it with soot!" "Would a nobleman risk his life for the sake of a shyster?" "You're despicable!" "You're all ridiculous." "You, Desirée and all the others." "Unfaithful and lascivious." "Carl-Magnus Malcolm!" " At your service." " Turn around and look at me." "Well?" " You're forgetting our wager." " What wager?" " At dinner." " Dinner?" "Oh, the wager at dinner!" "I had to fend off Mr. Egerman." "But you enjoyed it." "Carl-Magnus Malcolm, look at me again." "I can never be at ease." "You know that." " Don't you keep your word?" " Very well." "What is your wish?" "Close your eyes." "What is your wish?" "You." "That is impossible." "Your word!" "I give up!" "Swear to be faithful for at least..." "I shall be faithful for at least seven eternities of pleasure, eighteen false smiles, and 57 tender whisperings without meaning." "I shall remain faithful until the great yawn do us part." "In short, I shall remain faithful in my way." "Does it hurt?" "Yes, it hurts terribly." "Go away." "Do you recall your words?" ""You are the only person to whom I can show myself in all my unsightly nakedness."" "What a sigh!" "But you are to be pitied, of course." "Greatly, greatly pitied." "A veritable tragedy." "I don't know anyone who could be pitied more." "You are highly amusing." "You had a great fall, Fredrik Egerman." "Yes, a great fall." "But you will land softly." "Don't leave me." "I make no promises." "You're a terribly boring, normal person, and I'm a great artist." "I must lie down for a moment." "I'm all dizzy." "What are you doing?" "I'm putting your love in my pocket." "Just don't leave me on my own." "I'm right here." "That's good." "That's very good." "Yes, it's very good." "Can you tell me now why you named your son Fredrik?" "Isn't it a good name for a little boy?" "Do you promise to marry me?" "I promise!" "Just let go of my ears!" "Promise first!" "I promise!" "Swear by everything you hold sacred!" "I swear by my manhood!" "Then we can consider ourselves engaged." "May Frid rest in peace." "He's on his way to hell now!" "Up you get, fatty." "Time to groom the horses." "There is no better life than this!" "And the summer night smiled for the third time!" "Oh, yes, my little sugar plum." "For the sad and dejected, for the sleepless and lost souls, for the frightened and the lonely." "But the clowns will have a cup of coffee in the kitchen!"