"Rivetot, what in the world are you doing?" " I wasn't going to kill him." " Kill who?" "What?" " The dog!" " Which dog?" "A red dog." "It's the first one I've ever seen." "He crossed the street just in front of us." "I almost got him, did you get hurt?" "So where is that dog?" "We could adopt him." "No." "But.." "Hell, I wasn't dreaming!" "A huge dog, scarlet red." "He looked as if he was blood-soaked." " I don't know." " I'm not crazy." "You must have fallen asleep for a moment, or you had a hallucination." "Boy!" "Right in front of the wheel." "What happened?" "A giant dog, with feverish, very sparkling eyes." " You, too?" "There, Michel!" "I wasn't dreaming." "Let's see!" "This region is famous for it." "A big red dog keeps crossing the streets around here, to test the driver's reactions." "Hey!" "Look out!" "Stop!" "Stop!" " I'm lost." " The beast must have left, or it's scared to get a beating." " Don't joke about it." " What do we do?" "We wait for nightfall, to see the dog dancing the rumba in our headlights?" " Or we can leave right away?" " Hey!" "Ho!" "Wait one minute!" "I know you!" "You're Michel Mortez." "Unbelievable." "Come, let's take a picture." "Madeleine!" "Attention." "Sir, don't move, you'll be out of focus." "Good." "Smile." "Thanks." "Rivetot!" "Light my way, please." "I can't see anything." "Ah!" "Thanks." "Hello?" "Hello, love, it's me." "Yes, it's me, darling." "Ah!" "Yes." "Not at all!" "Do what you have to." "April, in Rio, certainly." "How great!" "How lucky!" "What?" "No, don't change anything for me." "If you have a meeting, I don't want you to be late because of me." "Please." "Of course!" "I, kiss you?" "Yes, I kiss you everywhere." " How are you?" " It isn't easy, you know?" " At least she loves you." " So she says." "We have a reservation under Mortez et Rivetot." "Oh!" "Yes!" "You're the gentlemen from the radio." "M. Mortez!" "Here, there are two rooms reserved for you." "We expected you earlier." "We were held up by a red dog with yellow eyes." "Oh, no!" "Rabies?" "Don't worry, dear lady, the beast didn't dare." "Don't worry, I'll live through it." "Really?" "You scared me." "Strange things happen." "Say, do you have one room with two beds?" " Yes, why?" " We'll take that one." " We'd reserved two rooms." " Yes, but..." "No." "We changed our mind." "We'll only take one." "I have the two rooms, and others, if you want." "It's very quiet." "My chauffeur has type B Diabetes." "He needs constant care." "If I'm not there with him, he may be dead tomorrow morning." "This would have repercussions on the reputation of your hotel." "That's why we need a room with two beds." "I wasn't aware of this." "Forgive me." " Should I take the bags?" " No, thank you, we'll be ok." " I look like an idiot." " At all!" "Michel!" "What's wrong?" "Michel!" "Are you ok?" "Can you hear me?" " Michel!" " What's wrong with him?" "Nothing, bring the stuff to our room, Michel, are you ok?" "I'm fine." "There, get up, hep!" "There we have it." "I'm diabetic and you faint on us!" "Come on, walk straight, there's the landlady." "You didn't see anything:" "nothing happened." "Are you ok?" "Alright." " So you like the room, sirs?" " Good, very good." "Very nice." "Please!" " Is there a restaurant?" " Excuse me?" "Can we have dinner?" "I'm afraid you can't at this hour." "I must insist, madame." "It was a long and hard trip, now we'd like to eat a bite." "I'll check if my husband can heat anything up for you." "We'll take a quick shower and be back down." "Are you finished?" "Can I bring the desert?" " Yes, thanks." " It was delicious." " There's only one slice of cake." " Thank you, miss." "Is it home-made?" "Yes, not in this home, but it's very good." "Great, should we share?" " Take the fruit, I love the dough." " Delphine!" "Shit, I don't understand." "5 000 Francs are missing." " You hear?" " You miscalculated." "It's all my fault." " It always is." " Easy, you!" "Did you steal it?" " It isn't your money." " No, it isn't, but I'm responsible for it." "So, it's you?" "Is everything satisfying?" "Did you like the meal?" "It was perfect." "If I'd asked you for 5 000 F," " would you have lent them to me?" " Of course, not." "See?" "I knew it was you." "I'm disgusted." "I calculated it." "33 000 are missing." "How can we account for that?" " Stop moaning, I'll give it back." " Really?" "When?" "Whenever you want, buddy." "Tonight, if you want." "I'll give them to you, this evening." "Say, is the casino of your borough open this season?" "Hem,..no." " Closed." " Shame." " Good evening, Sirs." " Goodnight." "5 000 F more or less, I don't see the problem." "I'm fed up with bailing you out." "I'm sorry for you, Rivetot." "You can be so petty!" ""Petty"?" "Look who's talking!" "Because of your debts, we have to stay in dubious hotels, and share a room, to save money!" " I've no more privacy!" " As if you needed any!" "It may be true, Michel." "Take it easy." "I'm tired." "I'm going to bed." "Good night." "It's been twenty years, aren't' you tired of it?" "Since the Cat's Tongue's beginning," "I added it up, I asked 94 203 questions and met 18 603 candidates." "I'm not like those actors in theatres, always saying the same lines, on the same cues, to the same partners every evening, no." "For me it's different every time." "So, you see, I'm not tired of it." "Michel!" "You'll be late for the selection of the candidates." " I'm not done with my interview." " They're waiting." "Go, M. Mortez, don't worry." " You've only asked two questions." " That's ok." "When were you here last time?" "I don't know." "Two years ago, in march." "Why?" "I'll look in the archives, and copy the article." " Goodbye, Sirs." " Goodbye." "That little asshole!" "Who hits it?" "Hold on a minute!" "Do you know how much that's worth?" "Come closer." "We can't hear you." "Let's repeat the applause." "When I raise my arm, you applaud." "When I lower it, you're quiet." "OK?" "Let's try it." "Attention!" "Well?" "Is that what you call an applause?" "You ought to be ten times louder." "Go on!" "There!" "Formidable!" "You're formidable!" "You're on in 1 minute 30 seconds." " OK." "Is it sunny in Paris?" " Not really, and you?" "Rather shitty." "You gotta hang in there." "In two months, you're in the studio." "What?" "Haven't you heard?" "Mortez'show is off." "You're joking?" " We've known it for a week." " I don't believe it." "There must be a mistake Did they just change the slot?" "Philippe, listen!" "Check if they changed the slot." "And guess what replaced it?" "Hello?" "Airing in 30 seconds." "Go!" "On you." "Thank you, Jerome, for this clubbing hit." "It's time for our daily hour with Michel Mortez who's in Marez for his game, the Cat's Tongue." "Maréziens, how are you?" "Today we are in" "Marez, in the Friac county, where we'll be next week, as well." "And?" "Marez prises itself home of a XII century castle, unfortunately damaged in the bombings of 1944." "Marez, city of flowers and smiles, whose packaging and household items industry are famous throughout France." "Don't ever do this again!" "M. Vaillant, you're too young to have seen the 1944 ruins." "Since when do you live in Marez?" "I came here six years ago." "You're a science teacher at the Marez High school?" "Indeed." "Physics and Chemistry." "Physics and chemistry aren't very popular." "I envie the drawing teachers." ""It's an australian state, a port in Canada," ""a lake in equatorial Africa..."" " It's his voice." "Hello, I'm the repairman..." "What timing!" "Attention!" "Only five seconds!" "Ah, I..." "I know it." "I know it." "The answer?" "Are you giving your Cat's Tongue?" "Well, yes." "I'm sorry, many listeners must have known the answer." "It was the Victoria falls." "I knew it." " I was afraid I'd be wrong." " Sorry." "This was an easy question." ""Born in 1778, died in Paris in 1850," ""he worked on gas expansion." ""and announced some basic laws," ""like, for instance, thermic coefficiency." ""The name of this french physicist is worth ten points." ""his christian name Louis-Joseph."" "Everybody knows Louis-Joseph Gay-Lussac!" "Sir, it wasn't your turn to answer!" "I'm sorry, madame, but what difference does it make, you already were comfortably ahead." " You're putting it all at stake?" " No, I prefer to stop here." "As you wish, the jackpot increases of 1 000 F and tomorrow will be at 27 000 F." "See you tomorrow, at the Cat's Tongue." "Maréziennes et Maréziens, be well!" "Philippe?" "Were you bullshitting me?" "Which language should we speak?" "The show is cancelled." "Mortez is out." "Why weren't we informed?" "We should be, soon." "It went out with today's mail." "Good luck for telling the old man ." "See you!" "You're horrible." " Michel, can I speak to you?" " Just one moment." "It's important." "Michel!" "Michel!" "Get up, Michel!" "It's nothing." "Michel!" "I don't see the point of exhausting you like this, if we have to keep you going like this." "You're giving me lessons?" "You want any?" "You sound like papa." "You know, Michel, maybe you have to stop before it's too late." "One has to stop when one's at the peak." "Over my dead body." "With a syringe up my arse I'd get up on stage." "And that's where you can put your lessons." " Can I have an autograph?" " Certainly." " What's your name?" " Michel, like you." ""For Michel", signed "Michel"." " Thank you, M. Mortez." " Oh, please." "What did you want to tell me, earlier?" "Huh?" "Nothing important." " Are you leaving today?" " Yes, why?" " Do you have a better idea?" " No, I was just asking." "It's always the same." "A different city every day." "We don't have time to get attached." " Do you love your job?" " Not bad, we see lots of places." " We did Switzerland and Belgium." " Really?" "Hotels, restaurants, the road, all the time, male friends, tout ça..." "I owe the great success of this show to you, and the audience, which ..." "since 15 years, no, 20, 25 years, follows, listens and encourages me." "I drink to your fidelity, ladies and gentlemen." "Cheers!" "Delicious!" "This isn't just a decor, Let's eat." " Go." "Hello, girls!" " Are you coming back?" "Oh, if we ever get back here, you'll be married with children, a family and all that," " You're lucky." " Do you have children?" "No, I'd love to, but Mortez doesn't want any." "It wouldn't be good for the kid:" "a different school every day.." "There, little Mareziennes, behave!" "And when the direction announced that they wanted the show for another 10 years," "I couldn't believe it." "And yet, it was true." "It's marvel..." "Oh!" "There it's for me." "My driver awaits me." "I'm chatting away, but we have a long road ahead." "Thanks for everything, thank you all." "Maréziennes, Maréziens, be well." "Say, M. Mortez, I'm sorry for earlier." "It's ok." "You'll do better next time." "Especially because I knew the answer, the Victoria falls." "Everybody knew it." "You had a blank." "Goodbye" "Yes, speaking of blanks, we're going to Mézoches-le-Château." "Indeed." "Look." " That's the fourth one." " The fourth what?" "That man on the bridge." "I wonder what they're doing there." "you've got to be bored to death." "He doesn't bother anyone." "He bothers me." "One day, one of them will go crazy." "he'll throw his bike on a car." "You'll see, Michel." "I'm not a fan of it, besides it makes you thirsty." "You could have gotten a thermos with champagne." "Enough, I'm becoming nauseous." "You, you threw up?" "I don't understand!" "When you don't digest well, you shouldn't be eating." "It's a waste." "In my parent's house, the gas counter was in the garage." "When I was little, I spent hours in front of the dial, watching the numbers turn." "The ones on the right turn faster." "At ten, the two last numbers both change." "To see three change, you had to wait a lot." "Four numbers, very rare." "It almost never happened." "I came at lunch time, when the numbers turned quickly." "I said to myself:" ""I'll wait for three numbers to change, and I'll leave."" "I spent so much time in front of that counter!" "Now that everything's electric, your childhood would have been less tedious." "One can watch an electric counter, too." "It moves, too." "But it's silent, it doesn't go clac-clac, so, it's less interesting." "Yes, you must have done strange things when you were little." "I spent my time at the casino, watching the roulette turn." "watching the roulette turn." "Yes, it's true." "My parents were diplomats, but baby-sitters were expensive, so they brought me to the casino in the evening." "And as I was very good with martingale," "I won the bank every night." "So they banned me, but I didn't care, because by that time," "I was able to pay for a babysitter myself." " You don't believe me." " Oh, yes, I do." "It's a known fact." "In Las Vegas, there's a casino named after you." "See, you don't believe me." "Did you put it on cotton?" "Yes." " What is it?" " It's for Mr Mortez." " There was a call from Paris." " Pst!" " He's sleeping." " Oh!" "I'm sorry." "There." "Mr Mortez is to call Mr Gaultier, at the radio." "He said it was urgent." "He'll be there until eight PM." "Very good, we will, thank you." " Excuse me." " No worries, he was sleeping..." "What was it?" "Oh, nothing, somebody came to the wrong room." " Pretty?" " No, not really." "Oh, well, what a pity." "Shame, shame." "Shit!" " What's on TV tonight?" " We don't have TV." " Well, congratulations to that!" " I'm going to sleep, I'm beat." "At this time?" "Let's go to town?" "Vésilly by night..." "Mademoiselle, we'd like to hang out a bit." "What do you suggest?" "Well, it's nine PM, everything is closed." "What's at the movies?" "I don't know, I'll ask Madame." "Madam Tarrère, do you know what they're showing at the Caméo?" "It's..." "D r Shivago, b ut the movie has already started." "As I've mentioned, we're not tired." "How about a game, like Scrabble, for instance?" " Oh, not a Scrabble!" " A what?" "Scrabble is a game in which you form words out of the available letters." "I don't understand." "Our clientele consists mainly of agents." "Tell me about it." "If you like, I'll go get my son's Monopoly." "Oh, yes!" "That's great!" "You'll see, Monopoly is hilarious." " Perfect, is the game interesting?" " No." "So, we'll be bored as hell." "There, I'll buy Rue de La Paix, that'll hurt." "I'm sure the casino is open?" "Shall we go?" "No, why don't you go, Michel." "If you have seven, you'll get to me, it'll cost you." "You'll owe me 60 000." "Oh, no!" "The houses." "Ah!" "I failed." "I almost got you." " I'm done." "You win." " No!" "You can still come back." "You can keep playing alone, I'm going to sleep." "Yes, playing Monopoly alone, thanks very much." "You're not funny." "For once we were having fun." "There!" "Ha!" "We'll play dice to establish who takes the small and who takes the big bed." "Take the big one, I don't care." "Who will clean up?" "Yours truly." "Who'll put you to bed?" "Hep, the dirty laundry." "So, when do your fucking parents get back?" "You don't know?" "Nor do I." "You can't stay here, we're already two in the room." "And the other isn't exactly a doll." "Is someone here?" "Give me 500 Francs." " What time is it?" " Stop your moaning." "Give me 500 Francs." "What?" "Another sighting of a red dog." "No." "Look." " What?" " The counter shows 83 138 km." " So?" "83 138, a number you can read from left to right, and from right to left." " Yes, so?" " That's all." "Isn't that great?" "I bet 500 Francs that you don't know the next number that works in both directions." " No." " No?" "83 238." " You owe me 500 Francs." " No, I didn't bet." "Are you crazy?" "I'm sorry, it's because..." "I believed a bicycle... on the bridge." "Of course I believe you, my love." "How would I not believe you?" "But..." "But ..." "Oh, let me speak!" "Oh!" "That you..." "Yes!" "Wed... wednesday." "But you must warn them." "No, don't tell me..." "Ah!" "How I love you!" "Of course." "Of course, I'll tell him." "I promise, I'll tell him." "If you wish, yes." "The blue one, you'll wear the blue one, ok?" "A letter for Mortez?" "Michel." "We have a reservation for one room." " Mr. Mortez." "Hold on, I'll check." " Go, quick!" "Nothing on that name, I'm afraid." " What time does the mail come in?" " 10 o'clock, Sir." "Very well, we'll be gone." "Michel, all is well, we have a room." " Michel Mortez..." " Sir." "From the radio." " There, Sirs." "Is that all?" " Yes, thank you." " What's happening, Michel?" " I'm having a panic attack." "Lay down for five minutes, it'll be over soon." "Two beds, the night table in the middle, with golden ornamentations, the artwork, the tiny little bathroom, the shiny synthetique bedcover, the smell, the fucking smell!" "It's a hotel room." "I don't see the problem." "Rivetot, get me out of here." "I can't breathe, I'll scream." "Michel!" "Michel, can I ask you a question?" "Yes, go ahead." "Is it true that you were Martine Carol's lover?" "Who told you this?" "Friends, at the radio." "They say it, but nobody knows for sure." "What do you think?" "I don't know." "If they say it, it must be true." "Have you been intimate with other actresses?" "Singers, Dancers?" "We weren't bored after the war." " We weren't bored." " I mean..." " Those who were famous?" " Also, yes." "But you're too young." "Do you dance?" "Huh?" "Don't you like dancing?" "I do, but, I mean, please..." " Fine." "Should we go?" " Oh, no." "You had too much to drink." "Yes, but it doesn't mean I can't dance." "You can drive, if you like." "No, thanks." "Be kind." "Not tonight, I'm tired." "You're not funny." "We're always together, yet we hardly know each other." "It's a funny feeling." "A strange sensation." "Yes, it's bizarre." "We don't know each other, but we do like each other well." "Sure, Michel." "Sure." "So, all is well." "Come, on, Michel." "It's three o'clock, I'm dead tired." "Quarter to." "Do you think that I can't read a watch?" "Close the door a bit, It's always open." "If you don't go out, you'll get back by yourself." "Get out!" "Get out already!" "Mortez isn't completely knackered yet." "Have you combed through him yet?" "Well, no, no." "He's still standing." "You're still here?" "You're bonkers." "You've already lost enough tonight." "You don't know what you're doing." "Hep!" "50 000 Francs, 50 mil." "Piss off!" "You're so dissapointing, when you're drunk." "You're not throwing away 50 grand, are you?" "What does it look like, you little shit?" "I'm a lord." "Lord Mortez." "And Lord Mortez decided to have fun tonight?" "Chips!" "Chips, damn it!" "Chips!" "Give me chips!" "Lord Mortez is back." "Change this, young man, Lord Mortez doesn't wait." " He's not usually like this." " "Not usually like this"?" "What do you know about how I am?" "I'm a lord, a prince!" "And you, Rivetot, are just a piece of shit." " Go on." " Come on, Michel!" "Roll it, youth." "Enough!" "Come, on, Michel." "We're going back, now." "It's nice here, don't you think?" "Are you just coming through?" "I got you a coffee." "Look out, it's hot." "Not too chatty, your friend." "Trust me, he's better when he's quiet." "I see." "Too snobbish to speak to a pump attendant" " You know who it is, do you?" " No, should I?" " No, who is it?" " Michel Mortez, t h e Cat's Tongue." "What, the dork from the radio?" "He's still around?" "I didn't imagine him like this." "But on the radio, you don't see his face." "Isn't he tired of it, the same old shit since 20 years?" "No, he isn't tired of it." "When you love your job, you can do it for a long time." "Mortez is a real professional." "That doesn't mean he can't speak to a pump attendant." " Should I check the oil?" " No." "You stick your nose into this motor, and I'll give you your due." "You'll drown it if you keep going." "I know her, one has to insist." "She does that when she's hot." "There, you see?" " Safe travels." " Thanks." "Hi." "I don't believe it!" " Huh?" "What?" " Look at these idiots." " Where?" " There, stop the car." "I'll tell them they're idiots." "They don't know it yet." "Leave them alone, they don't bother anyone." "I don't care, you can't be so stupid!" "If they want to eat on the side, it's their business." " Not everyone goes to restaurants." " That's not what I want." "But I'm sure that 20 meters further, there's a meadow and all you need for a picnic." "But no, they have to sit right on the road!" "They're idiots, I tell you." "You know, Michel, it's your audience." "I owe you for the success of this show, and my audience, who for over 20 years..." "No, 20 year, 25 years... follows, listens, encourages me." "I'll drink a toast to your fidelity." "Oh!" "Please." "Please." "With all those questions, you must know plenty?" "Oh, yes, of course." "If you allow me, I've prepared some questions myself." "In fact, I thought of sending them to the show." "I'd like to try them on you." " You don't mind?" " Not at all." ""Which dancer, born in St. Petersburg in 1885," ""naturalized british citizen, star of the russian ballet," ""creator of Fokine's works"" ""and great interpreter of classical works?"" "1885, you said?" "Attention, Mr Mortez, you only have 30 seconds." "That's regrettable." "Time's out." "Are you giving your Cat's Tongue?" "Well, yes." "Forgive me, I have no idea." "It was Tamara Karsavina." " You didn't know." " The name sounds familiar." "I hope you'll be luckier with the next question, which will be about egyptology." ""Which name did pharao Amenophis the fourth pick.."" " What time are you done?" " Nine thirty." "Are you doing anything later?" "A letter arrived this morning." "I forgot to give it to you." "It comes from the radio." "It's for your friend." " I'm sorry" " No worries." "Do you know how much trouble fits into this small space?" "Aren't you afraid of anything?" "Do you want to earn 10 Francs?" "I'll entrust you with a mission." "Secret." "Here." "Go." "So, have you thought about it?" "I can treat you to a drink, if you want." "So, he's bored, the man with the stopwatch." "He's lost, all alone in this hole." "He needs a friend." "I love talking, so I figured..." "I won't save the world with my stopwatch." "But with me, you could try to save it, ehi?" "No, I was just saying it." "Not to chat you up." "You're in good shape tonight." "I love talking, too." "I'll meet you outside, at nine thirty." "Is that good?" "Yes, yes, that's good." "Think about it before you answer, Mr Mortez." "You can make no more mistakes you already gave two wrong answers?" "Do you think she's his wife?" "Well, I'd tend to think she is." "Oh, no!" "Wrong again!" "This charming lady isn't the wife of our eminent notary." "She's René Manguy's wife, our pharmacist." "To restore yourself, tell us, who this charming creature is married to." "Top." "And go." "Well, I think she is the wife of this gentleman.." " Mr Mortez, it can't be!" "You do it on purpose." "I told you that our friend is already married with Madam." "To my knowledge, he's not a bigamist!" "It was a trick." "She isn't married, in fact, she's divorced." "Excuse me." " I didn't want to hurt you." " Don't be sorry." "You didn't know that you're invited to the idiot's club." "Let's get up and continue our game in the hall." "If you like dancing, I found this nightclub." "Nice, we can have a drink." "And I'll drive you home afterwards." "Will you buy me a t-shirt and ask me to try it on?" "Sure, or not?" "You won't know how to leave, you'll beat around the bush." "It'll be three in the morning, I'll be dead-tired." "We'll win time." "I'm in perfect shape now." "And given that I live nearby it'll be quite easy." "What's the stopwatch say about it?" "Mr Mortez, my friends and I were thrilled." " Call us..." " That's it." "Goodbye." "They were happy to have us." "They'll say:" ""Mr Mortez stayed here."" ""The one from the radio?" "Yes, he came for dinner."" " This is the countryside." " I know that, I know." "I'll drop you off." "No, I'd like to get some air." "I insist." "Did you get off at William, the conquerer?" "William, the conquerer..." "Yes, that's it." "It's the only decent hotel." "The others stink." "Really?" "Here you are." "Good luck with tomorrow's show." " Thank you, goodbye." " Goodbye." "Wake up the guardian." "You can't sleep outside." "Go ahead, there must be a back-entrance." "No, wake him, that's what he's there for." "Go on." "Good night." "Goodbye." " You'll laugh." " I don't think so." " It's the wrong hotel." " Huh?" "Wouldn't it be easier with the right address?" "Are you upset?" "It's ridiculous." "I don't know what to say." "Don't say anything." "I was observing you during the dinner." "You have something that intrigues me." "How do you mean, "intrigue"?" "I have the feeling that you're very bashful, are you?" "No, it's true, women intimidate me." "I don't believe you." "Yes!" "In front of you, for example..." "I am shaken." "Me, too!" "I like it, and you?" "Ah, yes." "Your voice..." "I'm very sensitive to voices, naturally." "And yours is very particular." "I love it." "I was sure you'd be different than your image." " That's not very nice." " No, why?" "I read your memoirs, you know?" " Oh!" "That crap!" " Why do you say that?" "No, I found it to be fast, original, rather well-written." "You should write another one, you have talent." "I'm a radio-man, you know, not a writer." "I'm sure you're worth more than that." "You deserve better than this traveling entertainer's life." "And you know it, don't you?" "What do you know of me?" "You can't understand." "I created this show." "It was born with me and it'll die with me." "Do you know how many listeners I have every day?" "More than 3 million." "That astounds you, doesn't it?" "So, go back to putting notes into your books, instead of feeling sorry for me." "Why are you like this?" "Because I'm tired, miss." "So tired." "Leave me, then." " I didn't want to hurt you." " Too late." "Good night." "Can I have a drink?" "With pleasure, Sir..." "Mr Mortez." " Forgive me, it's late." " Well, that's what I'm here for." " What can I offer you?" " A cognac." "Can I buy you one?" "With pleasure." "I imagined this job more fun." "Girls don't fall to our feet because we do radio." "We change city every day, there is little opportunity." "Well, I prefer one-night-stands." "That turns me on!" " You really speak like a guy." " Look out." "Maybe you just slept with a transvestite." "Well, that's not funny." "No." "I'm sure you're married, too." " So little." " What does that mean?" "That means I still am, but my wife hardly is." "So, you jerk off?" " Huh?" " It's funny, these things you never want to tell." "You're ashamed, ehi?" "No, but, well..." "You're friend doesn't fuck either?" "I don't know, I can hardly imagine him fucking." "Because he's your boss?" "It's like with parents." "Have you ever imagined your father having an orgasm?" "Shocking." "Stop it, you're chilling me." " Some idea." " You don't want to talk about it?" "Yes, but..." "I'll help you clean up?" "Don't worry about the mess worry about me." "You'll clean up later." "The Dardanelles aren't for wimps." "When it blows up inside, you've got to hold tight." "A coward goes mad, clicking and clacking and shitting his pants." "I am a tough one, Mr. Mortez, a real stud." "Bayonnet and canon, one hit in the bum, one in the arse." "So?" "What do you say to that?" "I say that I'm tired." "I'm going to sleep." "How about a little BJ, Michel?" "A little... a little..." "No, thanks." "You sleep all dressed now?" "So I wouldn't disturb you." " You're not sleeping?" " I am." " A good night with the prominence?" " Exalting." "Good night, Michel." "Thank you." "We're getting up in 15 minutes." "Looking at this road," "Do you know what they invented in Sweden?" "They managed to create a kind of white grass, like chicory." "A plant without photosynthesis, not green, but white." "They grew it on the side and then in the middle of the road." "This way they don't need to paint white stripes on the street." "Clever, isn't it?" "Brilliant." "Poor fellow, you'd believe anything." "Are you sleeping?" "What?" "No." "Just a little slump." "Should I drive?" " Pardon?" " Should I drive?" "Oh, yes, please, I didn't want to bother you..." "Do you have a permit?" "What if the police catches us..." "Oh, no!" "I believe you." "I only said that to avoid trouble." " You look young on that picture." " Thank you." "How old?" " 20." " That explains it." "When you'll be 50 you'll still look the same, rightfully so, you look like 50 now." "Shall we continue being mean or should we stop?" "Michel Morteau." "Mort..." " Mortez, isn't your real name?" " No, it's a pseudonyme." "In those days, South America was fashionable, so I changed it from Morteau to Mortez to sound more exotic." "To sound exotic, you could have changed your christian name." "Miguel." "Miguel Mortez, sound good." "You'd have been complimented to speak spanish without an accent." "With that name, you'd have been an operetta singer." "Like Luis Mariano." "I didn't think of that." "Life is terrible." "I should have met you sooner." "Are..are you in a bad mood?" " What?" "What's happening?" " Nothing." "Sleep." "Enough." "You've eaten enough!" "There's a limit, you know?" "Up, up!" "Pack up." "You're an embarrassment to our country." "I love winter, just because you're not out and about." "There should be a fashion brigade forbidding tracksuits outside of soccer stadiums." " You're hurting yourself, Michel." " They're multiplying." "They should be deprived of custody over there children, no: we'll sterilize them!" "Yes, come one." "We'll be late for the show." "You think that this is my audience?" "No, there's all those having lunch at home." "Frenchmen!" "You're crazy, Michel!" " Go on, start the car!" " Bloody car!" "So?" "She always does that, when she's hot." "Holy shit!" " We're fucked, she's drowned." " What do we do now?" "What do you want to do?" "We've broken down." "We'll hitchhike." "With all the equipment." "The show is in 45 minutes." "We're fucked." "Listen, Rivetot." "In 25 years, I've never missed one show." "Sick, high fever..." "never, have I let down my audience." "I'm not going to let a car run my life." "I'm sorry, Michel." "Don't move." "I'm sorry about earlier." "I don't know what came over me." "There, I'm Miguel Mort..." "Michel Mortez, from the radio." "You know?" "The Cat's Tongue." "Our show is in 40 minutes." "We've a problem with our car." "So, I wonder if you could help us out." "It's 12.45, time for our live show with Michel Mortez and the Cat's Tongue." "Today you're in Brécances?" "We're not in Brecances, but about 20 km away." "In fact, we're doing an experiment today which will enter into the annals of radio:" "a completely improvised show, in presence of these charming vacationers, who were quietly having lunch on the side of the street." "Our first question is for Mr Gora, our first candidate:" ""German doctor and microbiologist" ""born in Clausthal in 1843, died in 1910," ""this great scientist saved millions of human lives," ""discovering, in 1882," ""the bacteria of tuberculosis."" "You have 30 seconds to answer." " Top stop!" " Is he very famous?" "Yes, very well-known." "The bacillus is named after him." "Could you stop eating during the questions?" "I don't know." "Einstein?" "No, it's not Einstein." "It was.." "Robert Koch." "You never heard of the Koch Bacillus?" "I don't think so." "No, I haven't, sorry." "That's ok, Mr. Gora." "Here's an easier question." ""Which monumental statue was built by Batholdi?"" "Top stop!" "I can give you a hint, the statue stands in the harbour of New York." "Hm, I don't know." "No." "We're getting to the end of our show." "Our candidates weren't too lucky today, alas, not answering, any of our questions." "Here's back to our studios." "back to Paris!" "Thank you." "Really." "You saved our show." "Welcome." "Wait." "You're not leaving now, are you?" "You're having desert with us." "With pleasure." "You're show is great." "My wife and I listen to it." "Even in sport questions, I never know the answer." "Sir!" "There's a message for Mr. Mortez." "He has to call Mr. Gaultier before five PM this evening." " Here's the number." " Oh, I know his number." "He doesn't seem too jolly." "Yes, Rivetot, here, Mr. Gaultier." "He's not here, but he asked me to call you." "What?" "No, but..." "You can't cancel the show so abruptly." "You'll kill him." "Leave him a few days, at least." "No, we never received your letters." "No messages, nothing." "Why would we have called?" "We didn't know." "Well." "I'll speak to him when he returns." "He'll call you." "Alright." "Yes, just one thing, you're a bastard." "Goodbye, Mr. Gaultier." "You know, today's show really cheered me up." "I didn't realize it, but the idea of improvising is pure genius." "Not like the purr of a prepared candidate." " Don't you find?" "No?" " Yes, sure." " You don't seem enthusiastic." " Yes, I loved it." " You don't mind my coat?" " Ah!" "Sorry." "I'm seeing Gaultier friday." "I have some suggestions." "The best would be to do this on TV." "Imagine:" "Surprise candidates, live, on TV?" "It's good that surprise candidate idea." "I'd call it,.." "The Surprise Candidate." "Oh!" "I know someone who'll be surprised in Paris on friday." "Me, too." ""Mexican politician, born in 1880," ""He rose up the peones tr ying to make an agrarian reform," ""but was killed in 1919." ""Marlon Brando incarnated him in the movie about his life."" " Do you know who it is?" " No, I don't know?" "Who?" "You're not even looking." "I am, but I don't know." "I'm not going to think for hours." "As a hint, I'll give you his initials:" " E, Z. - "E, Z"?" "That's not helping!" "Etienne Zaza?" "Eugène Zanzibar?" " She's dead, get rid of it?" " It was about" "Emiliano Zapata." "It's really easy." "No, keep that one." "I like it a lot." "Go!" "When I raise my arm, you cheer as much as you can." "Attention!" "1, 2, 3!" "That's a bit soft." "Lateron, you're going to..." " Do you think it will be ok?" " I don't know, we'll see." "It's going to have to." "Hello, hello, hello." "Attention!" "1, 2, 3!" "Something's wrong, there aren't many people, but I believe quality replaced quantity." "It's because of Bias Bicycle." "There all down there." "No big deal." "They seem nice, I'm happy to be here." "It reminds me of my beginnings." "Hello, my friends." "Happy to be here?" "On the air in two minutes, Michel." "So, we got out all our little equipment?" "I suppose so." "What's your plan, Rivetot?" "What the hell are you doing?" "What do you mean?" "Why are you doing all this?" "To avoid telling me that the show's been cancelled?" "What are you doing tomorrow and the day after?" "Another fake show with fake candidates, and a fake pensionary audience that you picked up at the local elderly home?" " Let me explain..." " Never mind." "I know everything." "How long have you known?" "Shit!" "Don't worry." "It wasn't in vain." "We'll do your show." "Erbussonais," "Erbussonaises, how are you feeling?" "Hidden in the folds of the Perche hills," "Erbusson is a mideval town with a very rich past, celebrated for its food specialties..." "Yes, yes, hello." "Hello, it's me." "Oh, my love, I'm so happy to hear your voice." "A day without you is a lost day." "Well, I'm coming back tonight." "No, no nothing's wrong." "I'll explain later." "So, I'll be there before you leave for Buenos Aires." "No!" "I'll explain." "I love you, sweetheart." "I realize that I miss you more each day." "Oh, no." "Shit!" "Michel!" "Hello, madam?" " He's ..." " At the fourth top it will be... 13.44." "13.44 and ten seconds," "13 h 44 and twenty seconds," "Are you ok?" "Sure." "So?" "Did you see Gaultier?" "Let's have a drink?" "It's on me." "The adventurers are back." "So, Mr. Mortez, still at ease?" " What are you having?" " I don't care." "Two small cognacs, please, Gilles." "I wanted to tell you..." "I find it revolting!" "What's the matter now?" "We keep going until christmas, but only every other day." "Pick me up tomorrow morning, at six o clock at my house." "Bye." "Where are you heading?" "Should I drop you?" "I got the new CX." "You know, the new, the Citroën!" "How does this rubbish stop?" "Ah, finally." "Michel?" "Are you there?" "Michel?" "It's Rivetot." " Let's go, Rivetot?" " Michel!" "Are you well?" "Let's go, Rivetot?" "Bus seats, power steering, hydropneumatic suspensions..." "With this car, I don't mind traveling across France." "I love new cars." "It smells new." "See this?" "Electric windows!" "Some fresh air?" "Ask me." "It's like a new toy for a child." "Great, isn't it?" "Well, I'll close it, or you'll catch cold." "Lower the window, you trapped my hair." "Sorry." "Attention!" "It's quiet, ehi?" "No, this is not how you dim it." "I think this new rhythm is excellent for the show." "It'll allow me to prepare things." "You understand?" "Yes, you had gotten to a sort of saturation?" "The listeners will answer this, but saturated, no, never." " Michel, we have to go." " I'm coming." "I'll see you later?" "Yes, later." "We're well-prepared, I think it'll be a great show." "After doing this for 26 years, it would be a shame to make a mistake today." " You're not wearing a tie?" " This is radio, you know." " I'm saying it because, usually..." " Don't worry, everything's fine." " Let me introduce you to the mayor." " Oh, yes." "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Mayor." "In three minutes!" " After the ads, roll the credits." " OK." "Ready?" "Two minutes!" "No." "Mortez isn't here." " Where is he?" " I don't know." "Haven't seen him." "He better hurry." "I've started the first reel." "No, wait, here he..." "No, it isn't him." " Where is he?" " I don't know, he took off." " Don't you see?" " See what?" "He lost it, dickhead!" "Well, Madam... for a superbonus of 200 Million cents..." "Stay calm." "I'd like to thank all TV viewers who are watching today." "I'm keeping you in suspense, I'm sorry." "So, the question of 200 million cents, you're going to tell me..." "I don't have my board." "Where's my board?" "Rivetot!" "Rivetot!" "Where is that Rivetot?" "Don't get upset, madam, we're going to find the question right away." "Rivetot, my tiny..." "We're on the air, my board gone, where are you?" "Rivetot!" "My little Rivetot!" "Yes, it's that camera, madam, indeed." "The tiredness, the waste!" "Where did he go?" "Oh, Rivetot, this is ridiculous!" "Live, on television, by god..." "Top." "Sir, you have thirty seconds." "The gentleman doesn't know." "But madam may." "Let's see." "AOC, yes." "Congratulations, Miss." "You won." "AOC, protected designation of origin." "Madam, it was the wrong answer." "You had to enounce properly." "It's only a game." "Miss, you will receive a bottle of the wonderful Château-Malescasse." "Now to a more difficult question." ""What does chaptalisation mean?"" "Chaptalisation, does anyone know?" "There?" "Nobody knows?" " Chaptalisation!" " I know it." "He knows?" "Really?" "Well, let's hear..." "Ah!" "Shit, Rivetot!" "What are you doing here?" "It's the second time that I steal something." "The first time, I was nine." "All children do it, but I got caught." "I'm useless." "To find myself in this dump..." " You're still at the radio?" " No." "It's called "Redundancy"." "There was a first cleanup, and I was in it." "It was revolting!" " What will you do now?" " I don't know." "I stay here, I wait." "And you?" "Always doing my patrols:" "one day here, one day there." "Advertising animation and store promotions," "I don't have time to get bored." "There." "And now, get lost." "Don't let me catch you here again." "Next time, I'll break your bones!" "Hey, Sir, take it easy!" "M. Rivetot is a friend." "You've no right to speak to him." "Be polite!" "Last week, I was in Nantes for the trailers." "I explain what I do, games, t-shirts, and whatnot, he says to me: "Mr. Mortez, I'm an industrial," ""not a circus-man."" "I answer: "Sir, I am a circus-man," ""I'll sell your trailers for you."" "The next day, his book was full of orders, he couldn't ship them all." "And your wife?" "I finally accepted the divorce." "I live alone, but I'm ok." "No!" "Is that yours?" "You don't waste time!" " How long have you had it?" " Six months, it's the third one." "I wanted to contact you, but you moved." " Nobody knew where you were." " I know, I know." "I preferred to dissapear for a moment." "And your health?" "Good." "I was just tired." "In the head, too, I think." "Aren't you ever bored, alone in this big car?" "What?" "You mean if I miss you?" "Sometimes, yes, then I pick up a hitch-hiker." "She's beautiful." "Wanna try it?" "For someone who hates driving, you were really good." "I'd spend my life in a car like this." "You still see red dogs?" "Never." "Wanna see one in Bordeaux?" "I've got to be there tonight." "You're taking a piss?" ""Not taking a piss."" "Oh!" "Hell!" "I don't believe it!" "When are we leaving?" "Now." "Oh!" "Hell!" " Say, you were living here?" " I was." "So, take a good look at the landscape, you won't see it for some time!" "Subtitles:" "RED BEE MEDIA"