"FORTUNATA AND JACINTA" "CHAPTER 9" " Do you have a headache?" " No." "It's different, something new." "I was coming up the stairs, and I lost my memory." "I didn't know your name." "I stopped and shouted..." ""What's her name?" "What's her name?" I couldn't remember." "Sometimes I feel stupid, like I have granite for brains." "I can't think of anything, I have no ideas." "Yet at other times..." "I think of such sublime and wonderful things..." "I can't express them, or even remember them." "Lie down and rest." "Come here." "You're so strong." "And I'm the stronger sex?" "What a fine sex." "Come here." "If it weren't for you..." "I wouldn't care if my life ended." "The world is worthless without you." "Worthless." "She said she'd come between ten and eleven." "She may be about to arrive." "I don't like interfering in other people's lives." "I only do it for you." "You should go, so she doesn't catch you here." "I'm not going." " Are you mad?" " I'll hide." " I want to hear what she says." " No, I won't allow it." " Are we putting on a farce?" " What wrong with it?" " I'm not leaving." " I don't like it." "Leave." "Let me." "I'll hide in there and be as quiet as a mouse." "No way." "It's you." "I'd forgotten." "Come in." "Come in and sit down." "If you want us to be friends... don't hide anything, however ugly, about what I ask you." "When you decided to marry... did you think in the back of your mind... that marriage would let you sin with whoever you liked?" " Was that in your mind?" "Think." " Maybe." "But I did not expect to see him again." "He found me, and destroyed my good intentions." "Somehow, I became distanced from my husband and marriage." " I don't know how to explain it." " What about your conscience?" "My conscience was calm." "What's more, it told me I was right." " It told me..." " Stop, it's awful." "I felt as though that man was mine and I didn't belong to my husband." " For God's sake." " He had promised to marry me." "He promised, before he was married." "I had his child." "I felt we had been joined for life, and what came later was invalid." "We must talk another day." "What you say is very serious." "It is true that a promise is binding... but time, and society..." "Any rights you had you lost through your conduct." "If he hadn't left me pregnant, I wouldn't have been bad." "We won't judge him." "Let's think that time has passed... and he married an angel who doesn't deserve..." "She may be an angel, but she can't have children." "And a barren woman is not a wife." " Shut up." " She's can't give him a child." "I gave him one, and can give him another." "Be quiet, you're condemned." "Condemn me, but that is my plan." "Excuse me." " Is Jacinta in there?" " Jacinta?" "No, she's not here." "I'm sorry, but you are deluded." "Excuse me for today." "Another day." " Do you have to go out?" " Yes." "Well..." "I'll come back." "I need to tell someone about it." "Sometimes, I think I will go insane." "I can't stop thinking that I'm going to see him again." " Tell me about it another day." " I want to resist." "That's what you should do." "But an idea has stuck in my mind." "It's a low idea, like a child with demonic eyes." "You have to help me get rid of it." "You are a saint." "The voice says it's no sin." "That it is meant to be like that." " Don't you think?" " That make it worse." "You have no moral code, you're an unprincipled savage... with common brute passions, like an uncultivated field." "No more lies, Lord, I can't." "Jesus, save this soul that wants to be lost." "Keep me from lies." "The atrocities you have spoken are my fault." "You thought you spoke to me alone... but I have deceived you." "Forgive her, she knows not what she says." "You'll understand you must leave." "You vile slut." "I don't understand why you're not in jail." "There is no justice." " Thief." " You're the thief." "What have I done?" "Calling me a thief." "You stole what was mine." "You're an angel, but angels don't have children." "I do." "Go on, rage." " You'll never have any." " Shut up!" "Leave me alone." "Hypocrite!" "Vestry thorn!" "You're sick of romping with priests, now you want to hear confession." "Mauricia." "Come here." "Come, help me." "Mauricia." "No." "Wake up, wake up." "What's wrong?" "You scared me." "I must've been dreaming." "Have you been out today?" "Where did you go?" "I went to buy that material." "Where is it?" "I don't know." "You are miles away." "Something is wrong." "Come on, get up." "Come on, get up." "I'm ruined, Fortunata." "I work in an office to keep my family." "I'm going for a job as a conductor on the trams." "Look at me." "Look how I'm dressed." "My love, I'll work for you." "I'm used to it, you're not." "We'll live together and be happy." "You and I." " Papitos, Papitos." " What?" " Come here." " I'm coming." " You have to go to the shop." " Coming." " You're always at the window." " Me?" "You." "I'll grab you by your hair and you'll soon see." " That's enough." " That's enough..." "A white button with four holes is good luck." "Hey, girl." "Juan." "I'm going to be late." "It doesn't matter." "I'm not off to war." "This is our third good-bye." "Wait." " You'll be thrown out." " Don't worry." "If I could at least see you." "We'll be back at the end of August." "I'll write if you want." "Yes, write to me." "Send the letters to my aunt or the doorman, I'll collect them." "Don't worry." "Come soon... don't leave me alone for long." " What time do you call this?" " I didn't see the time." "Poor Maxi is in the kitchen." "He's worse today." "We have to give him his medicine." "I'll fetch it." "I shouldn't have married." "A religious life calls me." "To become absorbed, renounce everything... completely annulling exterior life living only on the inside." "That's the only good way." "The rest is just turning a waterwheel... that never gives a drop of water." "An honorable man has no defense against so many enemies." "He is surrounded by traitors, sold by those he trusts most." "God is the only one who doesn't deceive us..." "He doesn't wear a mask of love to stab us in the back." "He's terrible today." "Let's get him out of here." " I'll take that." " Yes." "Come on." "What's strange is that you want to kill me too, Aunt." "We'll talk later." "You'll see how it's all in your imagination." "You won't convince me." "I have eyes and ears..." "Here, drink this." " Aunt, Fortunata, it's arsenic!" " For God's sake." "You can't hide the taste of arsenic." "That's terrible." "How can you think we would poison you?" "I'll starve to death, my house is full of enemies." "Let's see if we both die." "Watch." "It would be good if it did kill." "For the damn headaches you give me and how you make me suffer." "Promise me that my honor is intact and I will calm down." "Who has hurt your honor?" "It's all smoke in your head." " Smoke, smoke." " Of course." "Don't think and you won't be afraid." " Promise me..." " What?" " Promise you'll only go out with me." " Me, go out?" "The things you think of." "I won't." "I'll only go out with you." "I promise." "I don't want to sleep, because you leave... and I hear footsteps and whispering in the corridor." "There's a man in the house at night, don't deny it." "Do you think I'm deaf?" "Or stupid?" "Come on." "Come on." " Good afternoon." " How lovely to see you." "I've come to go for a walk with my husband." "Where is he?" "He went for a stroll, I sent him." "I think we have to fight his withdrawal." "Reading and the melancholic episodes he goes through." "I always speak plainly, and he's become afraid of me." "That's what he needs." "But have you heard him?" "I've never seen such raving." "I'm not worried about him, with treatment, he'll get better." " It's you that needs care." " Me?" "You've been sad for days." "Don't deny it, I read faces." " You can't have read much in mine." " More than you think." "I read tender passages, stanzas of loss, laments of solitude." "Don't talk such nonsense." "Forgive my frankness, but it is not nonsense." "I always talk this way, plainly... when an idea wants to come out, I open the door... because if I don't, I explode." " Don't be mad, I've more to say." " I won't be mad." "I have to say you should love me." "I don't bite my tongue." "It's your shyness I like." "I call a spade a spade." "I say what I think." " But I warn you..." " What?" "You won't, but if you do decide to love me... don't tell me suddenly." "I could die of pleasure, it would be like an electric shock." "Don't worry, I'll tell you slowly..." " like giving bad news." " Not so slowly." "You are bad." "All these medicines." "Isn't there one to cure your head?" "If only there were, my friend, if only..." "People think Maxi is the one with head problems... but mine is much worse." "One word from you would make me the sanest, happiest man ever." "I was telling your wife I'm preparing you some pills." "God, what pills." " For her?" " No, man, for you." " What are they?" " It's a secret, they're new." " It's a patent medicine." " Ballester is mad, let's go." "I won't take them without knowing their composition." "Fine, no pills." "I laugh at your ailments, you're just a hypochondriac." "Go and have fun." "Where's your husband?" "He went out with Ballester, he won't be long." " How is he?" " It depends on the day." "The girl is a marvel." "She gets better every day." "Don't go out like that, you should put on a shawl." "Which do you prefer?" "This is from Progreso Square and this is from Lozoya." " It's all the same." " You are mistaken, my friend." "The one from Progreso Square is saltier." "I've some from Abroñigal spring too, and from the fountain." " It's an obsession." " Whichever you're having, Mrs. Casta." " When are you opening?" " The fifteenth of September." "We tested the gas today and the boxes are arriving." "We've already taken orders and we're not even open." "For two trousseaux and furnishings." "I think it will go well." "A business like the best foreign businesses will make a fortune." "They're all in San Sebastián, waiting for cousin Moreno." "When he arrives, they'll all go to Biarritz." "That's what I heard in the shop." "I thought you'd like to know." "You did right in telling me, but I already knew." "He writes?" "No, he told me before he went." "They go to somewhere called San Juan, in France." " San Juan de Luz." " That's it." "You must think I'm stupid." " Why?" " I don't notice anything." "I'm a simpleton." "You insult yourself." "If Maxi was well, he'd fix you, but he isn't... and I have to take charge of the image of the family." "Since I see what's happening, my hair is going grey." "You rule here, the rest is my business... and you've no reason to interfere." "Wait." "I can understand an old love... with deep roots that cannot be pulled up." "Cases exist and must be looked at." "If you had come to me and said..." ""Aunt, it's like this, I'm being chased..." "I don't know if I can defend myself, I'm weak." "Help me"... then it would be different, I'd have given you strength." "But, no." "You show no consideration and act like a girl with no sense." "When you finally turn to the people who could've helped you... those people, including me, will say..." ""Sink now, covered in shame and go to the devil"." " I don't understand you." " I'm trying to help you." "I know he isn't in Madrid." "Now is the time for us to unite against that sickness." " Do you have anything for me?" " No." " Why are you here, then?" " I'm needy, child." "Very needy." "Did you ask the postman if anything had come?" "Every day, but he never has anything." " I couldn't wait any longer." " Yes, aunt, here." "As soon as the letters come, I'll bring them." "Don't worry." " Good morning, madam." " Good morning, Don Francisco." "Don Paco." "I'm fine, what about you?" "Where are Silvia and Rufinita?" "Still bathing in the Manzanares?" " What brings you here?" " Nothing, I'm in luck." " What?" "Did you win the lottery?" " Much more than that." "I found what I was looking for." "What were you looking for?" "Will you tell me?" "Yes, the problem was where does the soul emanate from?" "Is it a divine substance incarnated in life... and de-incarnated in death to return to its source... or is it a creation of God which remains always impersonal?" "There's the puzzle and I've solved it." "I have it in here, but I'm afraid it will escape." "My mind is an open cage and birds fly..." "Don't talk about such things, they give one a headache." "My dear, if you don't want to come along the path that awaits me... of hard work and persecution..." "I'll be sorry for you." "My friend, Maximiliano..." "I think we've learned all we need know about that... and what we don't know is better unknown... because thinking too much can take away your faith." "We are but passing through this life... and although we look to the sky, the manna won't fall." "Why all this pondering about the soul?" "Stop." "If you're a materialist, we'll never agree." "No, I'm just saying that the soul gets its just deserts... and as the body is just a shell, it rots." "Understood." "Force and material, right?" "We'll discuss that." "I'll put forward my theory and you, yours... humanity will hear us and we'll see who is more convincing." "Come on." "Get some rest." "You've worked enough on those difficult calculations." "Carry on tomorrow, I'll help you." "You meditate too." "You think because you feel." "You understand because you love." "You've sinned and suffered... you have felt liberation." "To use a parable, the shackles of life burn your wrists." "You'll help me spread my great doctrine." "I've had a revelation." "What I know, I was told by God." "Aunt, come in, this is not a secret." "How can you let that materialist in your house?" "But, what harm can Don Francisco do you?" "That man will try to steal my honor... because no one in that sect can stand me." "He's right." "Don't let him in again." "He won't come again." "Never again." " Do you want something to eat?" " I don't want to eat or sleep." "I need nothing." "I have my skeleton and it's enough to carry my soul." "Now you shall help me." "Without speaking or thinking." "I want to tell you something." "I'm just the forerunner of this doctrine." "The true Messiah will come later." "It'll be soon, he's on his way." "The Almighty told me so." "What I've prepared is hashish, Indian hemp extract." "It combats the depression of the soul." "I hope it also stops mournful thoughts and religious mania." " In a few days, he'll be fine." " I hope so." "Will you go to Mrs. Casta's tonight?" "That depends on how my husband is." "Why?" "I go every evening... but it is too difficult to maintain conversation... and be pleasant when you don't come." " What do you want me to do?" " Come." "Without Maxi, if possible." "I'll give you conversation and attention." "You're so bad." "I'll pay you for your presence with some good news." "News for me?" "And so good, it will taste better than Mrs. Casta's cakes." "Tell me." "Some one is strolling the streets for you." "What?" "The boy has been breaking his neck looking at balconies." "And you didn't appear." "For a whole hour, poor man." "Who?" "When?" "Don't act stupid." "Shall I tell you something?" "He should always be waiting in the street for you not to appear." "That's how I'd offer you my heart, which is unused... virginal and generous." "Finish your tale, I have to go." "All right." "You are as crazy as your husband is." "That's what I think." "The things you say." "And those you hear, Fortunata." "those you hear." "Move away from the window." "It will soon be cold." "Come on, come here." "Sit down." "Read a while." "Entertain yourself." "The Santa Cruz family arrived yesterday morning." " What did you say?" " You heard what I said." "It's now or never." "Here you have me, if you want advice or a defense strategy." "I want you to know something." "I know that as wretched, crazy and stupid as you may be... your errors come from love and not self-interest." "You commit errors for a powerful man who gives you money... but you'd do the same even if you had to buy his tobacco." "What money do you mean?" "Don't expect me to look after it for you." " What are you talking about?" " I wouldn't touch that money." " What money?" " Don't say he gives you nothing." " Me?" "Why would he give me money?" " Don't act stupid." "You should know, I have nothing." "He offered, but I rejected it." "You wouldn't even know how to get lost." "If there were a hell for fools... you'd be the head of it." " How do you feel?" " Better." " Fortunata." " What?" "Death is beautiful." "Don't say that, boy." "Don't say that." " Wait outside." " I came to get you, we're at yours." "I know, but the Santa Cruz family is here, they mustn't see you." " I'll wait." " I won't be long." "Did you see that man?" "I recognize him." "He's one of Santa Cruz's cousins." "Manuel Moreno." "He owns this house and many more." " He is Jacinta's beau." " What?" "It's true." "Let's go." " Did you see your man?" " No, I've not heard from him." "Tell me about it." "Does that man have something to do with Jacinta?" "Of course, I see him every day." "He doesn't take his eyes off their door." "He provokes accidental meetings that aren't accidents." "The fool spent the summer with them and fell for her." "He's lonely, and she must have done her bit for it to happen." " I can't believe it." " Start believing, I know him well." " How?" " He was my boyfriend." "He was much older, but mother liked him." "He used to visit." "We got out the red carpet every time he came." "He's very rich." "What happened then?" "He left one day and when he returned I was married and leaving for France." "He followed, and found me there." "My late husband had gone shopping in Paris." "He had his fun... and then disappeared." "He let me have the premises, he's helped me... but he walks by me as if he doesn't know me." "That's why I'm so glad to see him so old... chasing his relative, suffering." "With Jacinta, he'll have had a tremendous fight on his hands." "But she surrendered in the end, there's no doubt." "Hey, girl." "What do you want?" "Where's Juan?" "He went out." "Listen to me." "I've had an idea." "I'll tell you before I go out." "Think about it..." " and when I return, we'll talk." " Fine." "It's about cousin Manolo." " What is it?" " I've been watching him lately." "He feels depressed, he lacks affection." "He's ill, mother." "Remember what the doctor said." "He's the same old loner as ever." "The problem is he isn't well." " Something inside him doesn't work." " It's not that." "He's bored, he has bachelor's syndrome." "Marry him off, and he'll look 10 years younger." "And who do you think could be his wife?" "Your sister Bárbara." "Think about it." " Think about it." " She's 18." "Moreno is almost 50." "It's true there's an age difference, but it's a great idea." "Think about it." "We'll talk later." "I'm in a hurry." "How long have you been there with that flower?" "I just arrived." "Rafaela went to get something to cut off the thorns." " I'll change and be right back." " No." "Don't go." "You'd even dress in black just to discourage me." "I've been lucky today, I don't want to lose you." "Don't you want to know why I'm lucky?" "I know what you're going to say." "Finding you alone is good luck." "I knew it." "But, of course, whatever I say to you is like writing in water." "Whenever you visit at this time, it's to tell us you're leaving." "Yes, that's right." "Are you leaving again?" "I don't know." "Something here is holding me tight." "But I'll have to overcome it." "I'm sure it won't be difficult." "How do you feel?" " Do you want to know the truth?" " Of course." "For the first time in my life..." "I feel confused." "I don't know what to think or where reason has gone." "I say and do stupid things." "Inside, I'm tired." "I think something serious is wrong." "You're exaggerating, so I worry." " You may be right." " But, what do you need?" "Nothing." "You have everything." "What's wrong with you is you're like a spoiled child." "I have to change." "Wait here." "I'll send the maid, ask her for anything." " Cousin Manolo is here." " I can't believe it." "It is him..." "Unbelievable." "He never usually comes to church." "He is becoming very strange." "He was never like this." "You don't like being with me anymore." "Who said that?" "You use any excuse not to go to the house." "We spend two hours here and then you leave." "You want to be rid of me." " Of all the conversations..." " This annoys you most." "I know." "Let's leave it." "I try to get home early... because my wife is not well and she needs me." "She isn't well since Mr. Moreno died, right?" "Possibly." "You always believed in your wife's virtue." "Of course, and I still do." " What are you trying to say?" " She's just like the rest." "She deceived you with your cousin." " You're lucky he died." " What do you mean?" "I was told all this by people who know." "That is vile." "My wife is sacred, she's above all slander." "Do you think she's like you?" "If she's so sacred, why deceive her?" "Listen." "If you mention my wife again..." "I'll take my hat and you'll never see me again." "Don't take it to heart so." "It may be a lie, I don't know." " Are you going?" " Don't you think it's time?" " Will you come tomorrow?" " I don't know." "It's starting." "If we break up, don't blame me, it's your fault." " What do you mean?" " That low-down blow... hurt me and is still sore." "Fine." "As you wish." "Padilla, I'm going out." "Listen for the door." "Aren't you forgetting something?" "I'm Segismundo Ballester." "I manage the pharmacy where your husband works... when he's not hallucinating." "You ordered some pills this morning." "As you haven't come, here I am." "Come with me." "You can't go home in this state." "Calm down a little." "I don't intend you to tell me everything that has happened... but you should know I can cure you completely." "I'm in no mood for jokes." "I know, your heart feels like it's being strangled." "Yes." "I'll stay until you feel better and can go home." " I don't need anything." " I know... but if you want a shoulder, take mine." "What do you care about it?" "I care about you." "I know where you were." "The street, the house... the pub on the corner... and if I'm pushed, even what has happened." "Are those pills going to cure him?" "You always say the same thing." "This time I think I've got the remedy." " You should take one too." " Me?" "Pills won't cure what I've got." " God be with you, I'm going home." " Console yourself, that's life." "Today brings pain, tomorrow joy..." "You must take life as it comes... and place all your hope in one person." "When one candle goes out, light another." "Thanks for everything." "At your service." "I'm a diligent friend, reserved, and good." "Good-bye." "What are you doing?" "Being love birds?" "You'd be better off eating." "Come on." "Don't move, I'll bring your lunch." "Leave your pains outside and put on a happier face." "We've enough sad spectacles in the house already." "Leave me alone." "I don't comment or care about your face." "It's a fine day when one can't even be sad." " I'll dance if you want me to." " I won't tolerate your rebellion." "I'll sort you out." "Careful, you're spilling water." " All the better." " Yes?" "I'll sort you out." "Sort yourself out." "I won't raise my voice so that misfortunate won't hear." "Make a row if you want, so the poor thing can't rest." "You're the one shouting." "I was quiet, but you provoked me." " Be noisy if you like." " I do what I want." "That's what most annoys me, your stubbornness." "Your resistance of authority and your stupid independence." "And you're making good use of it, good use indeed!" "It's true that I should tell you... but I didn't think it right to come here with tales..." "Even my reasons for crying are despicable... but I can't help it." "I need to tell someone that I can take no more, I'm dying inside." "If I don't, I'll burst." "Believe what you like, but I am very unfortunate." "I know I'm bad, really bad, but I'm unfortunate too." "If you'd taken my advice, this wouldn't be happening." "Calm down, no one will scold you." "You don't need to tell me what's wrong." "It had to happen." "A bad start leads to a bad end." " He's given you the brush again?" " Yes." "Well, you're a perfect couple." "Made for each other." "Criminal relationships always end up like this." "One begins punishing the other... and the one who punishes will get his comeuppance too." "Suffer in silence, you deserve it." "I don't want to live alone." "At least tell me to be patient, to behave." "I'll do it, if you ask." "No, child." "It's too late." "It would be like being an accomplice to your crimes." "I can't." "Go on, take your husband his lunch."