"I have left Dunder-Mifflin after many record breaking years." "And I'm officially on the job market." "And it's very exciting." "For your convenience," "I've broken it down into three parts:" "professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia." "I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me." "How would I describe myself?" "Three words:" "hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer." "Merciless." "Insatiable." "There's nothing on my horizon except everything." "Everything is on my horizon." "I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search." "And- uh- that's fine for time being." "Ooops." "Break's over." "Big turkey." "(Rockin' Robin" " Bobby Day)" "He rocks in the tree-top all a day long" "Hoppin' and a-boppin' and a-singin' the song" "All the little birds on J-Bird St. Is that you singing?" "All four parts." "Recorded it on my computer." "Took me forever." "Nice job." "Thank you muchly." "Oh rockin' robin" "Well you really gonna rock tonight" "Every little swallow" "You gonna answer it?" "I called it myself." "Just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring." "Yikes." "Side note:" "I'd just like to say" "I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you." "I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you are younger and have less experience." "So... here's to the future." "Andy and the Tuna." "I miss Dwight." "Congratulations, universe." "You win." "Yes, Dwight Shrute has left the company." "More personal turnover." "Cost of doin' business." "Yeah, well- it is a big loss." "Dwight was the top salesman." "Was- the top salesman." "I said, "was"." "Addition by subtraction." "What does that even mean?" "That is impossible." "Yeah, you're right." "But, there is some good news." "Oscar is back." "Addition by addition." "So, we are going to have a big party today to welcome him back and..." "And, hopefully that'll lift everyone's spirit." "Hi, everyone." "Oh, hello Oscar." "How was your gay-cation?" "That's very funny." "Yeah, I thought of that like two seconds after you left." "Hi, Angela?" "Oscar." "Hey, boss." "Hey, what's up?" "Nooothin'." "TGI Wednesday." "Am I right?" "Yeap." "Gonna go home, get my beer on, get my Lost on." "What're you doing later?" "You wanna hang out?" "Ah" " I don't know." "Maybe." "I'll take that as a "Maybe"" "Where're you going?" "Bathroom" "Oh, I'm about to go to kitchen." "I'll walk with you." "Things are going pretty good." "Getting a lot of face time with the boss." "Oscar." "I have a question." "Would you like to join the party planning committee?" "The committee with all the women?" "Yeah" "Because I'm gay." "No- no" "Certain events have transpired, and I've thought about certain things." "And I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired." "And I would just like to make some changes about certain things," " and certain situations," " Okay, Okay" " and certain accountants..." " Alright, Alright" "I'll join." "I'd love to." "That's... thank you." "Thank you" "Can I join too?" "Never" "You sold those two printers this morning." "Nice work." "Child's play." "Give me something hard to sell." "Wow, what is wrong with this thing?" "Looks terrible!" "Do you want me to ask the night cleaning crew if they stop watering it?" "Yeah." "Oh- you know what?" "Ask them about the toys on my desk, too." "They always used to arrange the toys on my desk in a very pleasing way." "Used to brighten my morning." "Oh, that wasn't the night crew." "That was Dwight." "Really?" "It was very nice of him." "We need more attitude like that around this office." "Feel ya, dawg." "Yeah, do you?" "Absolutely." "What did I say?" "You said..." "Which is like..." ""right on!"" "Pam is like..." "You are like..." "Nailed it." "Love that Andy, right?" "Solid fellow." "Seems smart enough." "Likes me a lot." "A lot." "Too much." "Like a crazy person, a little." "Not super crazy, just..." "There's something about him that creeps me out." "I can't really explain it." "He's always up in my bid-ness, which is Ebonics for" ""being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me."" "I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness." "I really have no preference." "We don't even have to have a party." "No, hey- hey" "Don't be ridiculous." "Of course we are going to have a party." "A celebration of Oscar." "Oscar night." "And I want it to be Oscar-specific?" " Michael, I..." " No, no." "I mean, not... not because you are gay." "Your gayness does not define you." "Your Mexicanness is what defines you, to me, and I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity." "So, Phyllis?" "I want you to go find firecrackers and a chihuahua." "Pam, in the frozen food section," "Swanson makes a delightul chimichanga" "Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey, into the office, like Pepe?" "Ah, a burro, of course." "If Oscar wants a donkey, let's get him one." "Need any help?" "Oh, no thank you." " I'm just looking." " Great." "I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all." "Okay" "I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now." "Got my rod here." "Hey" "Hey" "So, Andy is in rare form today?" "Yeah, you should not encourage him." "Encourage him?" "I'm the victim, okay?" "He's fishing for me." "We gotta do something." "Look, I got like 15 new clients that I've inherited from Dwight." "And, each file is password-protected with a different mythical creature, so..." "Sorry, I can't." "Fine." "Party pooper." "Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady?" "Marv something?" "Andy is like Marv something." "Great sportscaster," "Big weirdo creep." "180 pounder. check it out." " Hey Ryan" " What?" "Do you want to pull a prank on Andy?" "Not right now." "But ask me again ten years ago." "I liked you better as the temp." "Me too." "Hey guys." "How's the workload." "All of Dwight's old accounts." "Handling that okay?" "Sorta" "He had a lot of clients." "Yes, he did." "Have any of you talked Dwight?" "Oh sure." "We talk all the time." " Really?" " No" "Don't" " Don't do that." "That's not nice." "What about you Phyllis?" "You and Dwight were close?" "No." "Sorry." "Dwight had a big personality and I have a big personality, and a lot of times, when two people like that get together, it can be explosive." "Really comin' down out there." "The commute going to be hell." "I have snow tires and chains." "Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination." "So- uh- where were you working before this?" "Dunder-Mifflin." "What kinda company is that?" "Paper company." "They're only one of Staples' top competitors in the area." "I never heard of them." "Oh, really." "Have you heard of paper?" "It's gonna be like that, huh?" "I don't like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes." "That's all I got to say on the matter." "(Cranberries" " Zombie) In your head!" "In your head!" "Zombie!" "zombie!" "zombie!" "In your head!" "In your head!" "Would you like to pull a prank on Andy?" "I'm kind of in the middle of ... yes, please." "Okay, good." "Stay right here." " Sorry about that." " Yo- tuna." " Are there any messages?" " No" " So weird." " Thanks" "Nice to have Oscar back." "Yeah" "Large Tuna, have you seen my cell phone device?" "No." "'Cause someone is calling right now." "There is a call." "Angela." "Is everything okay?" "No." "What's going on?" "What're you talking about?" "Where is my freaking phone?" "You know what?" "Maybe it's in the ceiling." "You know what?" "Maybe you're in the ceiling!" "Okay." "I don't trust you, Phyllis." "I just wanted to tell you that" "Dwight was late that morning because he had to drive to New York to drop off the quarterly tax forms that I forgot to send." "Though to be fair," "Kevin never reminded me." "Dwight loves this company." "Do you think that anyone else out there would've driven to corporate for you?" "None of them." "Especially, not Andy." "Pam." "I have a mission to accomplish." "Make sure this party gets rolling" "And I will be back shortly." "Where're you going?" "Do you want me to come with you?" "Just listen." "I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday." "you, me, bar, beers, buzzed." "Wings, shots, drunk." "Waitresses, hot." "Football, Cornell/Hofstra, slaughter." "Then quick nap at my place, and we hit the tiz-own." "No." "I don't want to do any of that." "Duh." "Which is why I was joking about doing it." "Just stop, stop." "Just stop doing it." "You're going to drive me crazy." "Fine." "I will just go and sit my desk, and be quiet." "Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship." "Excuse me." "And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from him." "Here's a little newsflash." "It's not funny." "In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny." "That was an overreaction." "Gonna hit the break room." "Did anybody want anything?" "Pam, you good?" " Yeah" " Sure?" "Okay." "That question is meaningless." "Just go with the copy paper." "It's your funeral." "See how that works out for you." "Hey" "Hey" "What's up?" "Same old" "It takes a big man to admit his mistake." "And I am that big man." "Angela from accounting told me what you did." "Oh my god." "She told you?" "Yes, she did." "And, Dwight, if you are willing to do something like that" "With some of the random co-worker, then, clearly, I've misjudged you from the beginning." "And, I apologize." "Accepted." "How's this place treating you?" "The boss isn't funny." "Oh, well..." "I don't get to wear my ties." "No, I'm sure." "So..." "So maybe you should come back." "You should come back." "Please." "I don't want to do your laundry anymore." "We can talk about that." "Oh my god." "That's half-inch drywall." "I think we broke his brain." "It's not freaking funny." "Are you enjoying this fiesta?" "Actually, yeah." "I didn't think I would  but it turned out great." "Ladies and gentlemen." "May I present Mr. Dwight Shurut!" "Welcome back." "Thank you." "Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand." "You're going to break it." "Not bad, huh?" "You did this for me?" "Guilty" "Hey" "Do you still have feelings for her?" "Yes." "And now, ladies and gentlemen." "The big finale!" "Sir, would you do the honor." "Oh, man." "No, no, no, no- I don't need it." "It takes a big man to admit his mistake, and that's what I did." "The important thing is," "I learned something." "I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I am going to help their career." "I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me."