"Just step that way to the dispense room." " How's it going?" " Good, how you doing?" " Welcome to the health center." " Thanks." "Nice to be here." "So, like, how would I even begin to decide which kind to choose?" " It depends on your level of tolerance." "If you're a first-time patient, you've never tried it before, you might want to go with something a little bit lighter." "It'll give you more of a body high." "Just a little something to give you the feel of how it's gonna be." "The purples are more, like, if you have problems sleeping and back pains at night, you're real uncomfortable -- the purples will put you to sleep." "The real strong, more potent ones." "They're the more potent ones." "So the 45 automates -- those are the ones that you know you're gonna get the feeling of it." " I feel high just thinking about all this." " I'm gonna bring out your next comic now." "He's very funny." "He's been on VH1." "Let's give it up for" "Mr. Doug Benson." "[Cheers and applause]" " I saw that movie" ""Super Size Me" when I was high." "Mistake!" "That is fucked up, you know?" "'Cause the premise of that movie is that it's bad to eat a lot of" "McDonald's, and I'm sitting there all high, like, thinking," ""oh, I could go for a hot apple or a frenchie at this point." "Hook me up, man."" "And he's just gorging it all on himself, and then throwing up, and -- ugh, it's disgusting, that movie." "If that's a movie -- if eating" "McDonald's for 30 days is a movie and people are willing to pay to see it, I've got a movie." "I'm gonna smoke pot every day for 30 days, try to remember to film it, and my movie's gonna be called "Super High Me" -- or" ""Business As Usual," I haven't decided yet on the title." "So that started out as a joke in my act, and then a filmmaker " "I'm using the term loosely -- saw me say that, and we had a discussion, and we're really fucking doing it." " Doug Benson -- stand-up comedian, noted pot smoker." "In fact, high times magazine recently named Doug the number-two pot comic in the country, but that doesn't put" "Doug Benson above the law." "So how can this be possible?" "In 1996, the citizens of" "California passed proposition 215, which allows patients to use cannabis for medical purposes if they get a recommendation from their doctor." "Common uses for medical cannabis include chronic pain, HIV/AIDS, depression, nausea, or a medical condition your doctor thinks is appropriate." "Keep in mind the effects of marijuana vary with every user." "This is the story of just one patient, and despite years of marijuana use, even the number-two pot comic in the country has no idea what's going to happen when he gets super high." " I'm not getting high every day for 30 days yet because there's a catch." "I have to not get high for 30 days before getting high for 30 days to show how awful it is when I can't get high at all to contrast with how awesome the next 30 days are gonna be, so I" "have to not smoke for 30 days, and that's gonna start at the beginning of August." " # Yeah # [bell dings]" "# Yo #" "# I should be sleeping all the way still # # rolling with the beat and this, that, them, there # # couldn't help but stay up and jot down some stuff #" " so how do you feel first day?" " So far, so good." "Boy, that hat made me want to smoke pot." "Everything reminds me of pot now that I can't have it." "Traffic lights... [chuckles] ...when they're green." "[Bell dings]" "I may be hospitalized, I think." " Really?" " I think so." " Are you saying that to be funny, or do you really believe that?" " I really believe that." " Why do you believe you'll be hospitalized?" " It's gonna be nasty, smoking all day, every day, for 30 days." "I've never smoked -- lot of pot, but I've never, like, day and night for every day for 30 days." "So I'm a little scared." "But how awesome would it be if it fucking killed me?" "[Audience laughs]" "That Spurlock movie would be the best movie ever made if he just died at one point during it." "Fucking grizzly-man style." " Supposedly, your depression is going to kick in today, if it's going to kick in, so they said take this test." " Right, but the only answer I can give is "rarely."" " No, but you would examine -  'cause it's only been one day." " That's okay." "It's how you felt over the past week, even though you were smoking." "Now we're gonna go, and we're gonna take the same test in another week, and that'll be when you're not smoking." " I just don't " " I'm bored with this one." "'Cause I spent the last week some days smoking, some days not, and I barely remember what happened." "So this is day two, and I'm doing great." "So far, it's fucking not a problem." "I can totally not smoke pot for two days." "I'm just writing "rarely" on every one of these." " That's taking it real seriously." " Well, I can't even begin " " I spent the weekend getting fucking crazy high all weekend." "I can't remember " " Well, did you feel fearful at all during the last seven days?" " I don't remember!" "Maybe, like if I saw a cop coming or something." "I don't know." " Did you have any crying spells." " No." " Okay." "Did you feel hopeful about the future?" " I might have." "These are mostly feelings that I don't have ever." "Over the course of the two 30-day periods, we're gonna do lots of tests, like IQ Tests and lung capacity and just a bunch of tests, and one of them is gonna be -- they're gonna" "check my sperm count, and by" ""they," I mean I'm hoping it's a doctor, and... [laughs]" "I hope it's just not a guy with a lot of plastic cups that he's not using." "They're gonna check my sperm count, and so my first sperm check is coming up in three days, on Thursday, and the thing about getting your sperm checked is you can't masturbate or ejaculate into a lady for -- or" "whatever your thing is -- for three days." "Three days, and it started today, so I'm, like, so much more upset that I can't masturbate for three days than I can't smoke pot for 30, because" "I'm not looking at pot on the internet every day." " It was almost as funny as when you're high." "I could tell, but they couldn't." "Untrained eye couldn't tell, but" "I could tell." "It was still good, though." " Well, I'm glad you still liked it." " The prohibition against marijuana began in 1937." "Since then, in order to obtain your medicine, you had to visit" ""a guy," but with the passing of" "Proposition 215, California citizens are allowed to open up retail shops known as dispensaries to legally sell cannabis to qualified patients." "To repeat that for the stoners showing up late, in California, you can legally buy pot in a store like you're buying beer or cookies." " # Da da da da da da da dum dum dum # right now, it's just a free-for-all." " It's the wild west?" " Wild, wild west." "And I'm Jesse James, I guess, right now." "It's really stressful, me being in this for about a year now." "Man, when I started, there was, like, four of us." "First-time patient?" "Come on in." "Yeah, come on in." "Hey, how's it going, chief?" "Can I get your i.d.?" " Yes, sir." "[Singing indistinctly]" "What are you looking for?" "Sativa?" " Hybrid." " Hybrid?" "Any codominant?" "What you got?" "This a pain type of thing, or you just want the head to be up?" " These are two jokes that I've written since I stopped getting high three days ago." "Just to show you where I'm at." "And how important marijuana is to what I do." ""Why isn't there a mildew-removal product called 'mill-don't'?" "[Laughter]" "See, that's not too bad." "I haven't lost it." "[Laughs]" "And here's the other one." "The new slogan for old navy -- have you seen the new commercials?" "It's no longer, like, old TV stars being stupid." "Now it's trying to be hip and cool and matrixy, and the slogan is "get your fash on."" "You know, "get your fash on!" "Get your fash on!"" "Which was probably " " I was thinking it was probably a rejected slogan for fascism." "When they were sitting around coming up with slogans for fascism to try to get it off the ground, somebody's like, "how about 'get your fash on'?"" ""Get out of here." "That's stupid." "We've decided to go with" ""fascism -- watch what happens."" " There's a lot of people who smoke a lot of pot and have had quite a lot of success." "I don't think one precludes the other." "Just a different path, as they say." " What's your opinion about medical marijuana?" "I'm just curious." " You're just curious what's my opinion about medical marijuana?" "Well, there is no such thing as medical marijuana." "In the '70s, the National" "Organization for the Reform of" "Marijuana Laws failed in their attempts to legalize marijuana for recreational purposes, much to my chagrin in college, because I did smoke, I did inhale, and I ate brownies." "So then, what they did was very intelligently -- they rewrapped their argument." "They repackaged it as a medical argument because cannabinoids, like THC and other stuff -- they do have some value medically, but not at all what the activists are saying they have." " Right." " When I wear my hat as a private citizen, I think our war on drugs has completely failed, that marijuana should be legal for recreational purposes, and that's my private-citizen hat, but when you come to me and I'm" "wearing my little tie and stethoscope and playing doctor here, do I ever ask a patient to inhale the crude combustion products of a dried plant that I have no idea what else is in it, and I don't know what strength" "you're getting -- is it good shit?" "Is it bad shit?" "Is it stuff that you grew on your own, you got from Mexico, or did you get b.c. Bud from" "Colombia?" "What's in it?" " Okay, go ahead -- blow." "[Air hisses]" "Keep going, keep going, even though you think there's nothing there." "Okay, that's Fin relax." " I need you to turn your head toward either wall, doesn't matter which." "Give me a nice hard cough." " [Coughs]" " Beautiful." " What's the turn the head to the side part about?" "So you don't get coughed on?" " Yeah, exactly." " I'm gonna grab your balls, and I want you to cough in my face." " [Laughs]" "So, you know, to cut to the chase, you have not, after years of doing this, you haven't done any permanent damage that I can tell." "[Bell dings]" " Good morning." " Hi." " I have your date." "I have your test." " Ha ha, cheers!" " # She's like my alcohol #" "# I like the way that it's killing me, killing me # [bell dings]" " Hey, good morning." " How are you?" " Good, thank you." " Doug?" "Pleasure to meet you." "Come on back." "Well, so you're doing this film, and you've stopped using both alcohol and pot." "I was wondering -- what do you like about pot?" "What does it do for you when you smoke?" " Um... it just... the simplest explanation I can give is it just makes everything more fun, you know?" "It just makes...makes my brain work differently, you know?" "Yeah, it seems like it strangely gives me a longer attention span." "So, yeah." "So it's been six days, and... and I'm doing okay." "I don't think it's as addictive as some people think." "Like, I only think about smoking pot constantly." "That's the only time I think about it." "[Bell dings]" "I'm starting to learn -- making this movie is forcing me to learn to actually be interested in people and ask a question after they answer the first question." " Well, isn't it mostly people asking you questions?" " Well, we go around." "We've been spending a lot of time in dispensaries with people that are advocates for pot, which I normally am not that interested in." "I just want to smoke it, so... welcome to the" "Benson interruption, everybody." " But I also have not had a drink in over a month, and that is -- [audience groans]" "Fuck it, you don't have to tell me." "It's the worst!" " Somebody in the audience when you said that you stopped drinking actually said, "oh, he loves to drink."" "[Laughter]" "She was really concerned that you were going through this." " It's true, and I want you to understand that is a fucking sacrifice." "Like, that is what I'm giving up, because the smoking -- it's not a sacrifice because I've never said, "oh, I used to have so many awesome times with my friends smoking."" " [Laughs]" "Remember that party, when we had cigarettes?" " Remember that time?" " Oh, we had too many cigarettes that night!" "I can't remember what happened!" " I smoked so much." "Oh." "Boy, we had such a great time." "Yeah, I'm gonna unwind with some friends." "We're gonna, like, get a couple packs of cigarettes and probably just...go out on the porch." "[Bell dings]" " So we're driving out to the valley to find out about -- apparently, in north Hollywood, there's a rogue cop who shows up at dispensaries and shuts them down." " What's happening right now up in North Hollywood is that we have a local police officer who is confused and perhaps hostile to medical cannabis, and he has sort of set about, at his mission, to close the" "dispensaries, and that's unfortunate, because what we're seeing now is sort of a breakdown in due process." " I'm just curious about what a rogue cop is, you know?" "Is it just one guy who just puts his uniform on at home and looks in the mirror and says, "be careful out there," and goes around shutting things down?" "Do you think a rogue cop's gonna show up while we're in there?" " No." "This is Don Duncan." " Hey, how you doing?" " This is Doug Benson." "He's the hero of our movie." " So to speak." " It looks like this" "Mr. Smith just went renegade, man." "You know, I'm a real thing." "This is a real business license." "This is what we do." "And, of course, the first two months, they thought that," ""okay, black dude's about to come here and open up a dope shop."" "I could feel it, okay?" "But when it didn't turn out to be that -- "oh, actually, this guy's an ex-scientist and master's degree, blah, blah, blah, and he's not turning into this, and actually, it's pretty" "damn good 'cause we got a free security guard that patrols both parking lots."" "Then I was cool." "Then six months passed -- everything's cool." "People think that medicinal cannabis, when you use that word, you're just talking about straight marijuana." "Half of the patients that come through here can't smoke because they're in here for some smoke-related type of deal, so I have all types of pills, and this is lip balm, man." "This is chapstick." "It does the job." " It works?" " I have an older gentleman who swears by this topical spray." "You put it in, boom, you spray it on, and it actually works." "There's a lot of different ways of getting THC into your system, and it's not all about smoking." " Driving to Sacramento, Doug refuses to sit in the passenger seat." "Sits behind me." "This will all be verified." " It's called "Miss Daisy" style." " He goes " " I say, "just don't fire up in my car." "If you want to, we'll weed it." "We'll pull over and we'll bzzz, you know," and we drive up to" "Sacramento, but stoners are all like 4-year-olds, and I see him back there, and he starts firing it up." "And I'm like, "I can see you through the rearview mirror,"" "but stoners are, like I said, 4-year-olds, so he's like, "hee hee!" "No one can see me!"" "Fucking idiot!" "And I'm like, "I smell fire and smoke and marijuana and everything," and he's like," ""I'll blow it out the window."" "So he rolls down the window and blows it out." "Now, bear in mind, we're on the 5 going 80, so he blows it out, and -- [gasps]" "It all comes fucking pouring back in." "I'm like, "you goddamned dumb stoner," and he's like, "sorry, it was almost 4:20," or whatever he's fucking..." " My mom called me today and left me a message saying she lost or broke her glasses so she needs new glasses, so that's the main reason why I want to go to the post office today -- 'cause" "I feel bad that she's sitting around without glasses until she gets a check from me." " You help her out financially?" " Yeah, I pay for pretty much everything." " See, that's the thing." "I'm very torn." "I said I was gonna do your documentary, but here I am." "I'm very torn about pot, because" "I honestly wish I could smoke pot twice a year." "I'm serious." " Why can't you do it twice a year?" " I don't know." "I got two kids." "I don't have access to it." "Every time I think about buying some, I'm like, "how?" "What?"" " The last time you did my show at UCB, you started talking about how ridiculous it is for a grown man to still be smoking pot and still be " " I don't remember." " Yeah, you were like, "come on, it's time to grow up."" " Well..." " See, yeah." "See, you still feel that way." " Well, what do you want?" "Look at you." "It's sad." "I don't think you actually smoke pot." "I think you smoke oregano." " Yeah." " No." " Look at me, I'm on day 10 of not smoking, and I'm fine." " You feel great?" " Well, no, I don't feel great." "I'd still like to do it." " Really?" "Would you?" " Yeah." "Well, I'm gonna." " You're gonna do it soon, and you're gonna do it every day." " I'm gonna do it a lot." "Then I might not like it anymore after that." " No, I think you won't like it after a few days." " People say pot smokers are lazy." "I disagree." "I'm a multitasking pot smoker." "Yeah, just the other day, I was walking down the street." "That's one." "Stoned -- two things at once." "Mother-f'ers." "All right, I'll take that second one back." "I was walking down the street, I was putting eyedrops in my eyes," "I was talking on my cellphone, and I was getting hit by a car." "# Making shit happen on" "Santa Monica Boulevard # it's so fucking weird when people are just standing right in front of you while you're doing comedy." "They're just standing there like this -- "yeah, I heard you." "Good one."" "Never had people just standing there." ""What's next?"" "Any pot smokers here tonight in the house?" "Always in the shitty seats 'cause they got here late." "[Laughs]" "First of all, dude, congratulations on getting out of the house or hotel room." "You did it, man." "Congratulations." "Bravo." "'Cause I know what it's like." "You're like, "let's go to the comedy show." "Fuck it, we got a TV right here."" "I was in a show called "the marijuana logs."" "For those of you who don't know what that is, it's like" ""the vagina monologues," but with pot instead of vaginas." "Sometimes people are offended." "They come up to me and they're like, [high-pitched voice]" ""Are you making fun of vaginas?" "Do you have a problem with vaginas?"" "[Normal voice] I'm like, "no," "I have a problem with your weird voice, but we love vaginas at the 'marijuana logs.'" "We want vaginas in the seats." "Especially vaginas that smoke marijuana."" "Which I saw once in Indonesia." "Mm-hmm." "Cost me $6 and a chicken." "And a lifetime of regret 'cause" "I can't get that image out of my head." "Plus, she wouldn't pass the shit." "That is rude." "That is rude to Bogart a joint with your vagina." "Don't do it, fellas." "It's like my two favorite things keeping me from enjoying my two favorite things." "'Cause you can't have sex with a vagina that has fire in it, and you can't smoke that joint through her asshole." "Oh, did you see the sign outside?" "It says, "adult material will be covered."" "Ame is Doug Benson, and I'm about to get super high." "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "Wow, I think I found the perfect place to fart." "I think pot's illegal there -- over there -- but it's legal over there, that way." "I think." "Or maybe the other way around." "Yeah, pot is legal over that way and illegal that way." "Pretty sure." "I went on the -- what do you call it today?" "The parasailing over the lake " "Lake Tahoe." "That was sweet." "If you guys get a chance to do it, go for it." "I don't have any jokes about it" "Soon as I brought it up, I was like, "why the fuck are you talking about this?" "You have nothing funny to say about it other than promoting the activity," 'cause it was really good." "[Laughs]" "Well, I was up " "I was up there, like, 1,200 feet, going, "man, I should've fucking smoked a bowl before doing this," 'cause smoking pot makes everything more fun." "[Airplane engines whine]" "[Bell dings]" " So are you ready?" " Mm-hmm." " You got 25 minutes." "Begin." "[Bell dings]" "[Rock music plays]" " Think you're funnier when you're sober?" " I swear, nothing's changed." " Really?" " Other than I'm having a little less fun." " Doug Benson smokes so much pot he buys his rolling paper at Costco." " He looks brighter and shinier, I think." " Glowing." " Yeah, you're glowing." " Well, that's 'cause of the baby." " He's either sober or pregnant." " That's because I'm pregnant." " [Laughs]" " Every day is a joy, now that my baby's coming." "I recently saw a dog in a cage, and -- hang on, there's more -- and the cage had a sign on it that said, "I bite."" "And I was like, "that is good to know, doggy." "But that's not the most important thing about you." "You should make a sign that says" "'I make signs.'" " So, I'm gonna test your memory, and I want you to say these words back to me after I say all three." "It's three words." "Boat, cucumber, wire." " Boat, cucumber, wire?" " You just have to say them back to me." " I like to put a question mark at the end." " There, yeah." "You can always put a question mark at the end of anything you like." "Now, I'm gonna show you certain things." "I want you to actually name them." "What do you call this thing?" " Fancy." "Watch." " What do you call this thing?" " A pen?" " All right." " I can't wait to take this when I'm high." " Now, remember those three words I told you before?" " [Gasps]" "See, I knew it!" " It was only three words." " I know." "Boat and cucumber." " Okay, there was a third word." " I know." "Boat, cucumber..." "I don't know the third one." "Right, you got three." "It was wire." " Wire!" "Okay, no wonder." "Repeat this after me, graham." "Boat, cucumber, wire." " Boat, cucumber, wire." " All right, you're good, too." " I'm good?" "I'm not a stoner." " Your lungs got better." " How much better?" " 3% in 23 days." " So I'm at 93%?" " You're about 92%, which is actually -- that's not insubstantial." "I can't tell you if it's statistically significant, but it's not insignificant." " See, that memory test " " I knew I was 89% from three weeks" " So what three words did he tell you?" " Told me...wire, bacon, and some other one." " [Laughs]" "He did worse than I did!" "And he doesn't smoke pot ever!" "[Bell dings]" " Jim." " Oh, hey, Jim." "I was hoping that was you, but" "I'm not psychic." " We'll find out, won't we?" " We'll find out how psychic I" " I have the exact same deck over there." "We're gonna flip a card up, and you're gonna guess which one of the cards we're flipping up, and, to my knowledge, there has never been a test done before which compares psychic ability" "before and after the influence of marijuana." " It's groundbreaking, yeah." " It's groundbreaking research." "First card -- everybody see the first card?" "And, Doug, what is your guess?" " Triangle." " First guess is "triangle."" "What's your guess?" " Circle." " "Circle" is the guess." "So that's it." "We only got one?" "Is that right?" "The whole time?" "One hit out of 25 -- wow." " So you're negative psychic." " You're spectacularly not psychic." " Spectacularly un-psychic." " Yeah." " What allegedly has happened is that a D.E.A. Agent tried to get in without his proper credentials, and the security guard did what he's paid to do, which is to say, "no, I don't think so." "It was led by John Smith again." "The same guy who's been told to stop doing this." "Until City Council reconvenes and we put together an ordinance, he feels he's Rambo again, and thing you know," "NBC showed up, KTLA showed up." "The D.E.A. Is still inside." " There you go, there you go, there he is!" "The great John Smith." "[Jeering, booing]" "This is California, baby!" "We voted this in!" "You're not welcome, and we ain't going anywhere!" " Together:" "D.e.a., go away!" "D.E.A., go away!" " You hit him!" "Yo, I saw it!" "I saw that!" "[Indistinct shouting]" " John "Scumbag" Smith, come on down!" "[Indistinct shouting]" " Yeah!" "You want to call the real police?" " You didn't expect this!" " We have no department employees involved in this." " Are they really D.E.A.?" " They're real D.E.A. Officers." "Agents, yes." " And John Smith's not up there?" " We have no Department employees involved in this incident." " So John Smith's not in it?" " No." " And he's not up there, either?" " As of right now, no." " Are you saying John Smith isn't up there?" " I know John Smith, Officer Smith." "He's not there." " Doesn't the police or any law-enforcement official that wants to invade our space have to have a warrant to do so?" " I'm not gonna comment on that." " You won't comment on whether or not they have a warrant?" " I'm not gonna comment on that." " Officer, will you be leaving officers here?" " Yes." " If they don't have a warrant, then they shouldn't be there." " Okay." " This has been going on its ninth hour." "Word is that the D.E.A.'s locksmiths that were here that we ran away are gonna probably be coming back." "The issues that they're having is they need to get into the safe, apparently, that's upstairs, and we also have word that, yeah, they do have a search warrant, but guess what?" "There's no signature on it." " Who signed the warrant?" "What judge signed the warrant?" " We have the right to know!" " This is why we waited all night, because we knew this was gonna happen!" "But that's okay!" "We have it on film!" "Go bust a meth lab, you pussies!" "Go up the street and do your job, man." " Their job is not to save California." "Their job is to get the hell out of the state of California." " Yep." " So isn't marijuana legal in" "California?" "Well, it is, but the law is not recognized by the federal government." "To explain, the 10th Amendment of the Bill of Rights says that states have the right to govern themselves with regard to powers not granted or prohibited by the constitution." "In the last century, many issues have challenged this amendment, including abortion, gay marriage, and gambling." "As of today, federal antidrug laws are in direct conflict with laws in California and several other states that allow patients legal access to medical marijuana." "[Bell dings]" " Bye, space needle." "So... can I interest you in some assorted nuts?" "[Clock ticking]" " The whole idea was that I would help facilitate the growth of so much marijuana that the" "D.E.A. And all the agencies of the United States would never be able to destroy it at the rate I would help create it, and that, ultimately, I -- one man -- would neutralize the work of the" "entire D.E.A. with their multibillion-dollar budget." " He calls himself "the prince of pot," but he may become "the prince of federal prison."" " I was watching "60 minutes,"" "and there's a whole story about" "Marc Emery." " The prince of pot." " Yeah, and how they want to extradite him and all that." "I would love to interview that" " See, 'cause I have this idea that none of this is any good unless you have to face temptation." "I'm just saying there's no virtue without temptation." "So I'll just make sure." " I still get to smell it." "That's one thing." " Well, you see, even that's giving into a little bit of it right there, eh, so I'm corrupting you just by being in the proximity." "Just to let you know, I've seen more grow rooms than anybody else alive in Canada " " I think 400 or so -- and been arrested 22 times, jailed 17 times, raided 6 times, all for pot." "Nothing unsavory." "You know, I, if anything, have a good reason never to have to use drugs, and typically, I only experiment with the psychedelics once every six months or a year and smoke pot, and I don't" "believe I have any drug dependencies, and having treated drug addicts, I can see what -- do you know what?" "Of the 65 people I treated, 60 of them did not have their biological father in their life for all or part of their childhood, and that, I found, was the most key, fundamental component of every single drug" "addict is that their biological father was not there for a lot of their prepubescent life." "I found that pot made me more patient." "Made me a more creative lover and a creative writer." "But if you smoke pot, you get more expansive." "Explanations get longer." "We paid for the supreme-court challenge in Canada." "They got the springboard to try and make pot legal." "We lost 6 to 3." "Everybody wants to fuck." "As soon as you discover it -- let me drink your thing." "Don't worry, my cold sores aren't contagious." "The thing about pot " "I remember when I shot a puck through a window " "I found that it was a lot easier to raise kids after a joint." "A lot of people live in inner cities." "We should enrich our community with more money, more weed, more everything." "Are you in the performance industry?" " Yeah, I'm a stand-up comedian." "Holy crap, I feel like I went through some sort of... marijuana gauntlet." " We got to find them." "How can you be doing a documentary -- how can you do a documentary on pot and not " " I know he's not smoking it, but how can it not be around?" " The UCB guys have it." "Go find them." " I'm not talking to that cult." "I'll call Walsh." " Huebel's probably got some." "And this dude in the bushes has got some." " That guy's got hella weed." " He's totally smoking or he's making a cellphone call." " I am a friend of" "Doug Benson's, and I've never smoked pot in my life." " Really?" "By design?" " Just never did it." "Never " " I've been drunk once -- seventh grade." "But I've been taking antidepressants for 12 years." "So I do have a lid on it." "Oh, and I've killed six hookers." " Yeah." " I'm not saying I'm a saint." "We all self-medicate." " You know what else is a treat?" "Cookies made by Famous Amos." "[Laughter]" "Have you guys had those," "Famous Amos cookies?" "Oh, my god." "They're delicious." "So good." "When I was a little kid, we couldn't afford those." "That's right." "We had to eat the knockoff brand." "We had to eat cookies made by heinous anus." "[Laughter]" "I'll tell you what, I didn't care." "I didn't give a damn." "Even though I was 5 years old, I ate them up." "[Munches]" "One after the other." "'Cause everything tastes great when you're stoned." "Let me ask you guys... [laughter] ...a quick question." "Are there any pot smokers here today?" "Any pot smokers at all?" "[Cheers]" " Hey, your last hours of -- how urgent -- how..." " I don't feel any urgency at" " So, does that beg the question that maybe your whole existence is a mistake?" " Yeah, it's a lie." " Shut up!" "Shut up." "It's my toast." "Anyway, Doug Benson..." " Yes." " To many more years of sobriety." " No, I'm gonna start smoking tomorrow." " Okay, well, that's cool." "[Heartbeat thumping]" "[Fanfare plays]" " We've got the volcano." "We're ready for me to medicate, start this thing, but I noticed it's 4:00 and I thought, "we got to start at 4:20."" "I got to take my first hit at 4:20." "But that's how I am." "I'm excited about getting high, but I can wait until the cooler time to do it." "You said this thing was easy." " Okay, so, what you do is you put your herbs, whether that be lavender or rosewood -- whatever you're using as an aromatic -- place it here in the grinder." "You grind your plant mater-- shit." " Sweet lord." "Oh, my god." "This isn't happening." " So, you grind your plant material." " Right." "You don't spill it." "Jesus!" "Alex." "Good lord." "This is my weed all over the floor now." "Now I'm gonna be smoking the dust." " We're not gonna put that in the -  that's like an old roach on the ground." " One, two, three." "[Device hums]" " Man, you should go on" ""Martha Stewart" and do this." "Go ahead." "Knock more shit on the floor tough." " It's all set to go." " All right." "I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do all that." "I might just resort to smoking" " I'm telling you, I think is so much better for you than smoking it." " I know it's much better for me, but a pain in the ass." " Push in on it." "That's a huge rip." " # Like I never did before #" " right?" " # Let me love you like I never did before # # let me love you no-o-o-w # # let me hold you like I never did before # # and you won't be afraid when I call your name #" "# let me love you... #" " I like it!" "I like all the -- wait, I was just about to talk about something I don't like." "You fucked me up." "You're like, "these are the droids you're looking for."" "I'm like, "I like it now." "I like anti-pot ads."" "That doesn't make any sense at all." "I hate them." "Hate anti-pot ads 'cause they come on late at night when I'm sitting at home trying to relax, smoke a joint, watch some televised entertainment." "Suddenly a commercial comes on with a big, heavy message like," ""just tell grandma that you couldn't pick her up because you got high."" "I'm watching that, I'm thinking, "good idea."" "[Laughter]" "I've been lying to grandma for years about my pot-smoking problem." "Now I can finally tell her the truth." "Call her up, "grandma, I can't pick you up." "I've been using my new vaporizer."" "[Laughter]" " Wow!" "This is from the health center." "I don't know this." "Do I do this?" " No, just hit it." " I just suck -- just stream it" " Exactly." " It's ready." " Drag it." " It's good." "U taste it more." " Yeah, yeah." "It's definitely got a taste." " You know what?" "I had a vaporizer for like a day, and I left it at" "Adam Carolla's house." " You're burning all the THC and none of the carcinomas." " It's health nut -- it's like vegan..." " It's like California " " Oh, Doug!" " Sorry." " I'm not your cat." " I don't have a cat." "[Guitar strumming]" "[Bell dings]" "[Exhales sharply]" "Ooh!" "You excited that this place has reopened?" " Well, I think it's only fair." "My practice is focused on criminal defense, so it's unfortunate that you use the word "criminal defense" in the same sentence as dealing with patients because they've criminalized this." "They have to basically start from scratch again." "Their computers were all taken away." "All their patient records were taken away." " They had to get everything together." " The product was taken." " And how are they able to reopen?" "What had to happen for them to get to this point?" " They're abiding by the laws here." "There's a state law in place here." "They're not committing any kind of crimes here." " Could I get a gram of the platinum O.G. Kush?" "Maybe a kushbar and a" "Maui Wowie." "A chocolate peanut-butter sandwich, a kushbar, and a" "Maui Wowie." "Cucumber, wire, boat." "[Bell dings]" " Well, hello, Doug." " Hello." " So, today is your first week of being back on pot." "So, how are you doing?" " Um...great." "[Laughs]" "It's kind of, uh, a little bit back to normal." " It seems like it's fairly important for you to communicate to me that marijuana doesn't change you very much." "You really want me to hear that" " Yeah, it probably sounds defensive, too, a little bit, like, "yeah, I'm the same guy either way."" " Would you mind if I smoked pot before our sessions?" " Really?" " I'm just asking how you would feel if I were to do it." " I guess it would depend on how it changes you." "Who knows, you might seem more interested in me if you were high, which would make me like it more." "I don't know." " I was wondering how much you felt I was interested in you as it is." " [Laughs]" "You seem interested enough, but that's the thing about it is that's your job is to seem interested." "This is why I wouldn't ever pay a therapist 'cause they fucking make you go crazy." "[Laughter]" "He says to me, "would you like it if I smoked pot sometime before our session?"" "And then, when you start that kind of conversation with a therapist, it just becomes him going, "well, do you want me to think that you think that I want you to be high while I'm high doing it?"" "It gets very convoluted, and I was already fucking high." "And I'm pretty sure that he wasn't." "[Bell dings]" "But here's the thing " " I find this place that's like right next to my home, and they're doing it on religion." "They're distributing pot as a religious movement." "So you don't even need a license." "You just go in and buy it." "Okay, got to be serious." "This is church." "It's time for church." " And in revelation, it talks about a plant for the healing of all nations, which cannabis is." "So we're selling weed for the lord on Hollywood Boulevard." "All right, welcome to temple 420 services today." "Everyone, Doug Benson was on" ""last comic standing," and we invited him to come the other evening to our comedy, but he wasn't sure because he doesn't fully believe in god." "So, he's here to come to the services and check out temple 420, our 4:20 services." " He said it so matter-of-factly." ""And he doesn't believe so, everybody, there's gonna be punch and..."" " there will be punch." " Do the atheists get punch?" " The atheist gets punch, too, right in the face with the truth." "[Laughs]" "You've never been to our temple we'll just let you know, we're a" "Judeo-Christian temple." "You happen to be on Saturday, so we have the old testament Jewy thing going on." "You come back tomorrow, we got the new testament, all right?" "So, feel free to come back any day." "Services are always at 4:20." " I'd like to tell you a joke 'cause I don't think any of the material up here today has been aimed at you specifically, but I think you'd really enjoy this joke." "Why did the little strawberry" "Because his mother was in a jam." "Me on!" "And then they put weed in it, and everybody got really high." "So, anyway, um..." "Saturday and Sunday at 4:20, right?" "And we went today, and I brought like three or four friends." "And then there were some children running around and a couple other dudes." "And there was a whole service built around why, you know, since the lord is good and we love the lord -- weed." "[Bell dings]" "[Alarm clock beeping]" " # Sober #" "# I don't know which way to go #" "# I'm feeling older # # a different town, another show #" " that's real nice." "That's real good." "I already see a star is gonna be the first one." "I'm already feeling it." " And, Doug, what's your guess?" " I'm gonna guess star." " First guess is star." "Second card." "Holding it up." " I'm gonna guess square." " Square." "Third guess." "Hold it up." " Uh...triangle." " Fourth guess." "Hold it up." " Circle." " Seven right this time." "The first time, you got one right, so you've done seven times better." "However, since you only got seven out of 25, there's no evidence of psychic ability." "[Bell dings]" " How about medical prostitution?" "'Cause that's something that I would be interested in." "I don't smoke pot, and I'll join your fight if you'll join mine." " Yeah, I'll join your fight." "That's an awesome fight." "We're gonna fight prostitutes?" "I'm having trouble following this." "I smoke a lot of pot." " Medical prostitution." "I realize prostitution is illegal, but I need it for medical purposes." " I think marijuana is a much, much, much more victimless crime than prostitution 'cause unfortunately the women that do the prostituting got there somehow that was probably terrible." " And you should talk to the guy that you have to know to get the prostitute, too." "That guy is way worse than your" " My guy is never " " I've never had a dealer slap me around." " Not yet." " And tell me to wait in the" "[Bell dings]" " Welcome to Minneapolis." " Thanks." "What's the proper way to address you " " Senator?" " That or John." "I don't care." "Whatever you wish." " [Laughs]" "Senator John." "I believe you're the first politician that's been willing to speak on camera about this subject." " I was coauthor of several medical-marijuana bills just because I had seen and talked to enough people who were using it for medical purposes." "But, you know, I'm probably a perfect example of one who never tried a cigarette, never smoked a joint, hasn't done so, and don't intend to do so." "And I just think that the idea that government is gonna step in there and tell every doctor and patient, no matter how hard they're hurting, that we're not gonna let you do this because we have this other fear that's" "nothing related to what you're doing." "If you talk with somebody suffering, you know this makes a difference." "I don't care what fear you have." "It seems to me that you got to try and do the right thing." " People that need marijuana, they're not doing it because it's fun, it's enjoyable, and it's exciting." "It's something that no other medication, whether prescribable or not, can deliver what marijuana does and can provide me with the quality of life." " The first time I tried it was when I was actually 17." "I didn't try it any earlier than that." "And I just -- the first time I went through chemotherapy was when I was 17." "And it was actually my mom and my best friend at the time got me a little bag and said, "do" "And it has helped tremendously with anxiety, with pain, with everything." " Personally, I look at you guys and I say you don't need it, right?" "But I'm not a doctor, okay?" "If you went to a doctor and a doctor has sat down with you and he's willing to put his license on the line to say that you guys need it, nobody else can tell you whether you need it or not" "just because you don't look like you need it." "The only reason people accept me for using it is 'cause they see me in a chair." " Exhibit "a."" "Exhibit "b."" "Exhibit "c."" " # No more will I be afraid #" " there's a commercial on now that's the absolute worst one, where a young teenage lady -- girl -- is melting into a couch." "She's physically melting." "Have you seen it?" "Her body is transforming." "She's like, "brraaah."" "She's melting, and there's a girl sitting next to her that goes, "she smokes pot."" "[Laughter]" ""This is what she's been like ever since she started smoking" "This is all we ever do."" "Okay, first of all, the girl who doesn't smoke pot -- not exactly the most fucking sparkling personality in the world." "How much of a loser do you have to be to be the person that's more boring than the stoner and has nothing better to do than sit and watch the stoner melt and not even fucking call 911... [laughter]" "...or even 411 to say, "I've got some interesting information"?" "[Laughs]" "So, the girl's melting into the couch." "Let's pick up where we left off." "The girl's melting." "And as a pot smoker, I'm not deterred." "I'm watching that commercial going, "how do I get ahold of some of that weed?"" "[Laughter]" ""That is some amazing shit that" "I would like to try." "I have been smoking the 'can't find my keys' weed, and somewhere in the world, there is some 'melting into the couch' shit that would be an incredible ride." "Plus, if I melted into the couch, maybe I'd find my keys." "It would be a win-win situation."" "So, this is what one guy gave me last night, this really nice fellow... who said he heard me on the radio yesterday morning." "And he and his girlfriend were like, "we have to go see him."" "This I got from someone else, who does not want to be named." "And this one I got from yet a third party who doesn't want to be named." "And we just made a blend of all three and enjoyed it before our day at mall of America." "Last time I was here in beautiful Minneapolis, I went to go get my flight out on Sunday, and I'm walking around the terminal." "I can't find my gate, can't find my gate." "Hours go by -- hours." "And then I finally realize I'm at Mall of America." "[Laughter]" "I wrote that joke today when I was high at Mall of America." "[Bell dings]" " This is the brownie portion of the exam." "You may begin." "[Bell dings]" " I'm totally gonna lose a lot of points for not being able to open it." "I'm not gonna sit here and not" "[Stupidly] uh... uh..." " how have you been feeling?" "What has your mood been like in the last week?" " Um, mostly good." " Would you describe your mood as euphoric?" " Yeah, that's a good word for it." " Anybody want to come up here and get high with Doug?" "Come on up." "[Cheers]" "As you get high, anyone in the audience who didn't want to come up here and get high with Doug can get high in the audience." " Wow." " And try to get the person next to you high." " Here, this is already packed, so..." " oh, you were gonna get her high?" " I'll just get her high." "I don't give a shit." "[Laughter]" "[Cheers]" "No, you don't -- there's no carbon." "Just do it." " "That's America," someone yelled out." "You hear that?" " America!" "Yeah!" "[Cheers and applause]" " Thank you very much." " You're welcome very much." "You kidding me?" " Okay, so... okay, Doug's gonna get a little more high." "[Laughter]" "That was a pretty big hit there." "You may have your sensibilities offended right now, but you are not being made to smoke dope." "We got a pretty good ventilation system." "It's mostly going up." "Upstairs they'll be completely high." "[Laughter]" "We vent right into the apartments a" " [sneezes]" "I'm allergic to weed." "[Laughter]" " The idea of the piece is that myself and Rob Riggle are undercover officers." "Everybody laughing it up at comedy?" "[Cheers]" "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "People smoking grass?" "You guys, what's that?" " Oh, shit." "Oh, shit." " Everybody know what this is?" " Grass!" " It's grass." "That's a pound of grass." "That's a pound of grass." " Street value -- $2 million." " $2 million." "Pick any problem -- what's the number-one reason for divorce?" " Marijuana." " Abortions?" " Marijuana." " Volcanoes?" " Marijuana." " Who caused hurricane Katrina?" " Marijuana." " Why do people become Jewish?" " Marijuana." "[Laughter]" "[Bell dings]" " [Speaking indistinctly over intercom]" " So, anyway, welcome to" "Oaksterdam." " Thank you." "I love it." " Isn't it awesome?" " It's really great." " I usually describe it as the counterculture's vision of downtown redevelopment for" "Oakland." " My name's Richard Lee, and" "I'm the owner of the Bulldog" "Coffee Shop and the Oaksterdam" "Gift Shop and the publisher of the Oaksterdam News." "This was the first place, so it's matured, and things are -- this is the first municipality to issue permits." "So I think it's a lot more mature than the other places that are just now getting clubs in the first place." " You try to figure out the overall cannabis market..." " analysts rank cannabis as the number-one cash crop in America, well above cotton, wheat, and tobacco, with California responsible for 1/3 of the entire country's cannabis supply." "In 2006 alone, estimated sales from California cannabis exceeded $12 billion." "If taxed, these sales could have easily generated over $1 billion in government revenue." " It's like it would be the new lottery for California." " Exactly." "That's what I think it's gonna be." "Eventually it's gonna be a lot like gambling." " SR71 is the first stealth airplane, so we like to think of ourselves as a stealth coffee shop flying below the federal radar." " We have our medium over on our second page." "We just keep out one medium at a time, just usually medium- and high-grade." "We got all our prices right here next to the weights so you kind of know what you're working with." "We keep out three high-grades at a time." "You can always feel free to take them out." "You can smell them, squeeze them -- whatever helps you make a decision." " Let me ask you -- you going to smoke a spliff, ma'am?" " Yeah." " All right." "Do we have any marijuana smokers here in the park today?" "[Scattered cheers]" "Any law-enforcement officers here in the park today?" "[Laughter]" "I asked those in the wrong order." "[Laughter]" " I'm a gardener and landscaper, so I like to help aids and cancer patients grow their own medicine to keep the price down and to just decentralize the whole economy." "Oaksterdam was basically a private joke that a few aids patients used to chuckle about when the first marijuana club came here, and most of those people are now dead." "Most of the original patients from Oaksterdam have died." "It's called indole-3 acid." "It's basically -- it's a hormone." "What it does -- it softens up the plant tissue, and it sort of sterilizes it at the same time." "And...what'll happen is after a few days, the tissue's soft, and little roots will push out." "And it becomes its own little plant." " These were taken on the 15th." "Today's the 22nd, so in seven days, we have created life." "So, you see the difference between Indica over there and" "Sativa here?" " This one's Indica?" " Right." "It's these short, squat, big, fat leaves." "This tall, more branchy, thinner leaf." "This is actually a hybrid." "It's not pure Sativa." "If it was pure Sativa, it would be even thinner and lankier." " The worst movie to see when you're high, the worst one ever," "I think, is a motion picture called "Super High Me."" "What the fuck?" "I just fucked up my own joke." ""Super Size Me."" "Forget -- ladies and gentlemen of the jury... [cheers and applause]" " [Speaking indistinctly]" " That's why I'm voting for Shaw" "[Both laugh]" "Marijuana peace means a lot of things." "This is Dennis Peron, founder of the Medical Marijuana Club movement and many, many things." "Hi!" "April 14, 1994 " " I'll never forget this day 'cause the day before, you called us all up and said, "we're gonna get arrested tomorrow."" " The chief of police had called me that day, said he was going in, busting us." "I said, "look, chief, you can come in, you can bust us, but you remember Stonewall?" "These people are gonna fight back." "They're not just gonna lay down."" "In the end, we knew we'd win." "And it's a good thing that we wrote it for the people because -- it's got a lot of holes in it, they say." "They say it's very loosely worded." " Pioneer law." " You know, they say, "almost anybody can get it with this law." "Don't vote for it."" "It was done in the name of my dead friend, my dead brothers and sisters who died of aids out of all that pain, all that sorrow, something good would happen." "It had to be the sum of their life that the world changed." " A lot of comedians work really hard on their jokes, but what I've been doing... [laughter] ...is smoking a lot of pot." "I've been high probably about 22 hours -- no, more like 18 hours a day." "I probably get sober during the middle of the night for a few hours." "And it's probably gonna prove nothing." "[Laughter]" "[Laughs]" "And weird laughs in the audience." "[Stiffly] ha ha!" "Ha ha!" "Ahh!" "This guy is living in a cartoon world." "He's got a cartoon apartment." "[Bell dings]" "Ha ha!" "Muir Woods, north of" "San Francisco, home of the mighty Redwood." "Let's enjoy it together, shall we?" "They really took the treat out of Rice Krispie treat." "This thing tastes horrible." "How's it going?" " Express yourself, Doug." " Fuck this first amendment area." "[Laughter]" "I know this guy who has a dog that can talk." "You can ask the dog -- you can ask -- this is serious." "You can ask the dog anything you want, and then it'll answer it talking-style." "So, I go " " I go " " I go," ""what's the thing on top of a house?"" "And the dog goes, "roof!"" ""Okay, who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"" "And the dog goes, "Ruth!"" "I'm like, "okay, that's good." "Name a tourist attraction in the" "San Francisco area."" ""Wharf!"" "And then I'm like, "be more specific."" ""Fisherman's Wharf."" "[Laughter]" "[Bell dings]" "This is day 23 of a project that" "I'm working on called" ""Super High Me."" "I am smoking pot all day, every day for 30 days, starting from when I wake up in the morning to when I go to bed at night." "And it has been awesome." "[Laughter]" " I think -- you know what." "I think the month that you weren't stoned, I think you have a pot gland in your body now, and it just releases pot when you go without." "It's like a camel hump, and you don't see it." "And so, the whole fucking movie, you're just stoned." "It's just "Super High Me" for 60 goddamn days." "But you're not -- what it is is" ""I'm gonna spend a month not smoking it." "I'm just gonna get it from my gland in my neck where I keep extra pot in case of an" "Apocalypse."" " How great would it be if the last scene in the movie is it bursts out of my head?" "[Laughter]" " And it looks like" "Tommy Chong." "[Laughter]" "You grow another -- if" "Tommy Chong dies -  [imitating Tommy Chong] I was in your head, man." "[Laughter]" "What the fuck, man?" "You don't got enough room for a dude in your head, man." "That was fucking cramped, man." "[Laughter]" "You got any weed?" "Do you have any plans to make that leap to having a doctor give you the thing so you can just go into dispensaries and buy amazing weed?" " Then my name's on some list somewhere." " That's true." " Right?" " That's what people think." "We haven't been able to really track down " " I don't know if there is a list that exists, but up here it seems like there would be." " But, you know, wouldn't they just pencil your name in if they ever see you anywhere doing anything?" " Yeah." " [Laughs]" "You're pretty open about it." " I don't have a ton of material about it, but I did say" "I smoked pot on "Conan," so that's probably not the smartest thing." "People watch that, right?" " Feds love Conan." "Let me ask you this -- how do you feel about marijuana in a pill?" "What's this, like Cocoa Krispies that are full of weed?" "Cucumber, boat, wire." "I still got it." " We're gonna do that mini mental status thing, but what's, you know " " Cucumber, boat, wire?" " Oh, no, this time it's completely different." " Okay, good." " See, I knew you'd review the tape, so basically I changed it all completely around." " I didn't have to look at the tape." "I've been obsessed with" ""cucumber, boat, wire" since it happened." " Excellent." " 'Cause nobody remembers." "But if it's still three words," "I'm gonna be aware enough to be able to get it right even though" "I'm medicated, so to speak." " Yes, you are med [laughing] um..." " [baby talking] yes, you are, you little medicated patient." " You sound more medicated than you did last time." " This is a questionnaire about pot that I devised for this movie to just ask random people, seeing how much they know about pot and the situation with pot in America today." "Here we go." "East bay, first question -- what percentage of Americans smoke pot?" " 80%." " Excellent guess." "It's 99%." "[Laughter]" "Very close, though." "Do you smoke pot?" " Not recently." " Yes." " About four or five times a year." " No.t depends on, like, when you're talking about..." " Yeah, right." "That is a yes." " No." " Occasionally." " Occasionally." " No." " Yes, I do." " Do you smoke pot?" " Yes." " Welcome to the majority." "[Laughter]" " Okay, three words -- cab, avocado, brick." " Cab, avocado, brick." " Perfect." "Now, count back from 100, subtracting seven." "So, start with 100 and tell me what's -  93..." " Uh-huh." "Come on." " [Laughs]" " 93... 82..." " Okay." " Uh...73." " Mm-hmm." " Is that right?" " Keep going." " Jesus." "Uh...73 -- 64." " Mm-hmm." " Do you think pot is addictive?" " Yes." " Well, you're wrong." "I quit smoking pot for 30 days, and now I'm smoking pot again." "[Laughter]" "So you're wrong." "Do I seem high to you right now?" " Maybe a little." " Well, you're wrong." "I'm totally high right now." "[Laughter]" "Um, at what -- this is an important one at this juncture -- at what age do you think it's okay for kids to start getting high?" " Uh, 18?" " Maybe like 16." " 7." " 14." " 18." " 18." " As soon as you can use a lighter." " 18." " 18?" " 30." " I think they need to talk to their parents first." " 27, actually." "[Laughter] 27." " Okay, what are those three words that we talked about before?" " Uh, cab, avocado, brick." " You scored!" "Excellent." "All right." "You got 24 this time, and last time you got 27." "So, over 22 is still normal, but you barely got it." ""Cab, avocado, brick" -- you were just waiting for that." "Actually, it's interesting." "Your mathematical functions completely are gone." "The serial sevens -- you kind of completely got yourself " " Serial sevens?" "See, that's what I did is I switched it to serial nines partway for some reason." "What's the chemical name for the active ingredient in pot?" " Tetrahydrocannibinol." " No, it's an apple." "[Laughter]" "What's -- oh, wait, that's the answer to the next one." "[Laughter]" "What's the best fruit to turn into a pipe?" "[Laughter]" " An apple." " An apple, yeah." " Apple, yes." "What do you charge for an eighth?" " The good stuff or the bad stuff?" " Got you!" "[Laughter]" "Say hello to Officer Benson." "Have you ever been high at work?" "If so, what do you do?" "If not?" "[Laughter]" " I don't remember." " You can take the fifth -- or take an eighth." "How many Presidents..." "boom." " You know, in terms of physical harm, at this stage of the game -- zippo." "Do you feel, though, living like this is sustainable?" "In other words, for your career " " I think I could get away with it, but I don't intend to." " Why?" " Because, you know, I thought" "I'd be sick of smoking pot at the end of this 30 days." "It turns out I'm not." "It's been great." "But I've been having people drive me around everywhere." " You're all free to go." "However, remember, if you left a green-tag item at the base of the stairs, please wait for it here or in the jet bridge on the right-hand side without causing a traffic jam." "Have a great afternoon." " Cock." "My name is Doug Benson, and I am super high." "[Low note plays]" "[Laughter]" "California's the Medical" "Marijuana State, so I got my license." "I got a fucking license to smoke" "I didn't have to do a test or anything." "I just had to go, "it hurts me in my back."" ""Here you go." "I'm a doctor." "Here you go."" "And I'm like, "$200."" "And now I have a license that says I can smoke pot." "No one here has that." "Not in Idaho." "But you should." "[Laughter]" "'Cause this place is awesome." "Most -- bless you." "You guys are allergic to the truth." "[Laughter]" "And I'm standing on my own jacket." "I'm scared." "It's scary to be in a state that isn't cool with it." "I mean, not that " " California, it's legal on the state level, but on the federal level, it's still illegal." "So a fed could sweep in and fucking be like, "nuh-unh."" " Pharmacy is being raided right now as of about three minutes ago." "Call me back." " Ultimately it comes down to the federal government to decide what is and is not legal." " Marijuana is illegal in any form under federal law." " Federal drug agents raided 11 medical marijuana outlets today in L.A. County." " D.E.A. Agents swooped down on" "L.A. clinics because federal authorities don't recognize" "California's law that allows medical use of marijuana." " Yesterday D.E.A. Agents provided search warrants and went into 11 facilities here in" "Los Angeles." " Yeah, they blocked off the road, and people are getting off." "I'm gonna get out." " Let's go." " They took all of the medication and patient records in all of these facilities." "The climate of fear is very real." " # Oh, I said please don't tear me down #" "# I'm just now standing up # # made some big mistakes #" "# I want to get fucked up just like I used to do with my daddy president #" "# I will break all the rules # # oh, I will have no regrets # # 'cause I am president now # # who would believe that a dumb good old boy could ever achieve it?" "# # politics and fame # # fame and disaster # # let's go to work #" "# I'll show you the master #" "# I know these puppet strings are hard to break #" " I'm waiting for a sheriff who needs medical marijuana." " I'm not gonna say it won't happen 'cause...if it's needed, it's needed." " Yeah, if it's needed, it's needed." " That's why I keep fighting." " Hey." "Do you believe in what you're doing?" " Okay." "[Crowd chants "take action now"]" " So, we are not supportive of this action today." "The city of west Hollywood believes that we have a handle on these facilities." "We have regulations in place." "We work closely with the" "Sheriff's Department to ensure that they operate with the intent and the spirit of" "Proposition 215." "The federal government has the right." "We can't stop them." "We don't have the legal authority." "[Crowd boos]" " D.E.A., go away!" " # I didn't know god made such big assholes, assholes as you # # when we get through, I realized the asshole inside of me, too # # inside of me, too # # if you truly soon became one #" "# but one inside one is still two # # yes, one inside one is still two #" "[siren wailing]" "[Crowd chants "D.E.A., go away!"]" " These people are powered by the state." "The state law is being broken here by the federal agents right now." "These guys should be enforcing California [siren wailing]" " They're not shutting us all down, and we will reopen because in California, the biggest trees in the world grow from little seeds." "I'm just a little seed." "All these people that were behind us earlier are little seeds." "This movement will not be shot down." "You know, I've been a patient for almost 11 or 12 years when I crawled up those stairs in" "San Francisco and ran into" "Dennis Peron, who opened that first club." "And he said, "Richard, I'm sending a guy to Los Angeles who can help you."" "I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I'm a proud" "American patriot, and I will continue fighting for medical marijuana." "[Bell dings]" " So, it's 4:20 on day 30 on." " Doug Benson, it's over." " Oh, it's just starting." "[Laughter]" "Well, you know how going into this thing I thought that by day" "30 I would be so sick of pot and being high and just be dying to be done with it, at least take a break for a little while, you know?" "But I'm sitting here." "It's 4:20." "And, uh..." "I'm about to light joint number two." " Medicate." "Yeah, you don't have to now." "You're off the clock." "So..." " I totally don't have to." "It's a personal choice now." "Um... roll some more joints." "You guys are here on day 30." "This is day 30 of getting high all day, every day from the second I wake up in the morning until I go to sleep at night." "And I got to wake and bake." "That's how I start." "And then I don't have a rhyme for the end of the day, but... [laughter]" " [Speaking indistinctly]" " What's that?" " Is the program intervention?" " Is the program intervention?" "[Laughter]" "Now, are we playing Jeopardy or something... [laughter] ...where the question is the answer?" "[Laughter]" "'Cause that was worded really strangely." "I haven't -- it would have been cool if I had an intervention, ma'am." "I guess you could try to do one now, but this is the last day." "[Laughter]" "Kind of fucked-up timing." ""Stop what you're doing."" "That's like if the guy in" ""Super Size Me" was like, on day 30, "I can't do it."" "[Laughter]" "Well, you already did a lot of damage." "So, this is day 30, and I got to say, honestly, it's a fantastic way to live." "I recommend you all become stand-up comics who don't have anything really that you have to do during the day, and at night, you can get away with acting like a buffoon in front of nice people who just want an" "old-fashioned intervention." "And finally, do you think sick people who feel better when they smoke pot should be able to do so in the privacy of their own homes while not operating heavy machinery and possibly watching a "project runway" marathon on Bravo?" " Yes." " Yes!" "Joe is right." "Thank you, Joe." "You're awesome, man." "Everybody, you've been great." "Thank you very much for coming out." "I hope to see you again." "Bye-bye." "[Cheers and applause]" " Keep it going for" "Doug Benson, everyone!" "[Cheers and applause continue]" " # I smoke every weed, man #" "# I plant that big old seed, son #" "# I smoke every strain there is in town # # from the super-sticky green to to the hitting mix of brown #" "# I smoke every strain there is around #" "# I'll smoke it till I'm dead 'cause it feels good in my head #" "# I smoked a lot in western Caroline #" "# I swear that orange crush, so sweet it'll make you blush # # you're feeling good with your illegal smile #" "# I smoke every weed, man #" "# I plant that big old seed, son #" "# I smoke every strain there is in town # # from the super-sticky green to the brown #" "# I smoke every strain there is around # # when I visit the pharmacy and" "I see my good friend mike, I say, "oh, boy, I got 40 different strains" # # and I smoked them all # # volcano to the brain #" "# I think I can remember all the names # # got the bubble kush, bubble gum, blueberry, Saturday," "Alaskan thunderfuck #" "# AK-47 and the O.G. Kush # # you got the purple and the herbal granddaddy, mothership, and the orange crush #" "# G-13 and little balls of hash # # got the bubble kush, bubble gum, blueberry, Alaskan thunderfuck #" "# AK-47 and the O.G. Kush # # you got the purple and the herbal granddaddy, mothership, and the orange crush #" "# G-13 and little balls of hash #" "# I smoke every weed, man #" "# I plant that big old seed, son #" "# I smoke every strain there is in town # # from the super-sticky green to to the brown #" "# I smoke every strain there is around # # some people call it dope # # some think it smells like burning rope #" "# I tell you it relieves my mind just to know we're a compassionate state #" "# I think it's time to medicate # # with the bubble kush, bubble gum, blueberry, Alaskan thunderfuck #" "# AK-47 and the O.G. Kush # # you got the purple and the herbal granddaddy, mothership, and the orange crush #" "# G-13 and little balls of hash #" "# I smoke every weed, man #" "# I plant that big old seed, son #" "# I smoke every strain there is in town # # from the super-sticky green to to the brown #" "# I smoke every strain there is around # # from the super-sticky green to to the brown #" "# I smoke every strain there is around #" "# I smoke every strain there is around #" "# I smoke every strain there is around #"