"# There's no business like show business #" "# Like no business I know #" "# Let's go on with the show #" "# There's no business like show business #" "# Like no business I know #" "# Yesterday they told you you would not go far #" "# That night you open and there you are #" "# Next day on your dressing room #" "# They've hung a star #" "# Let's go on with the show #" "# You promised #" "# That you'd forget me not #" "# But you forgot to remember #" "# When that midnight choo-choo leaves for Alabam' #" "# I got to catch that train #" "# I'll be right there #" "# I've got my fare #" "# When I see that rusty-haired conductor man #" "# I got to find that man #" "# I'll grab him by the collar #" "# And I'll holler #" " # Ala... # - # Bam' #" " # Ala...' # - # Bam... #" "# That's where you stop your train #" "# That brings me back again #" "# Down home where I'll remain #" "# Where my honey lamb #" "# Am #" "# I will be right there with bells #" "# When that old conductor yells #" "# All aboard #" "# All aboard #" "# All aboard for Alabamy #" "Board!" "# For Alabam' #" "# For Alabamy #" "Board!" "# I'll be right there with bells #" "# When that old conductor yells #" "# All aboard #" "# For Alabam' #" "# When that midnight choo-choo leaves for Alabam' #" "Stop!" "# In days of yore before the war #" "# When hearts now old were young #" "# At home each night by firelight #" "# Those dear old songs were sung #" "# Sweet melodies and memories #" "# Around my heart still cling #" "# That's why I like to hear a song #" "# Like mother used to sing #" "# Won't you play a simple melody #" "# Like my mother sang to me?" "#" "# One with good old-fashioned harmony #" "# Play a simple melody #" "# Musical demon #" "# Sets your honey a-dreamin' #" "# Won't you play me some rag?" "#" "# Just change that classical nag #" "# To some sweet beautiful drag #" "# If you will play from the copy #" "# Of a tune that is choppy #" "# You'll get all my applause #" "# And that is simply because #" "# I want to listen to rag #" "# A... #" "# Musical demon #" "# Sets your honey a-dreamin' #" "# But won't you play me some rag?" "#" "# Just change that classical nag #" "# To some sweet beautiful drag #" "# If you will play from a copy #" "# Of a tune that is choppy #" "# You'll get all my applause #" "# And that is simply because #" "# I want to hear some ragtime music #" "# That's what you want to hear #" "# A sweet song with a sigh and a tear #" "# A good old ragtime simple melody #" ""Peter Rabbit was a very bad little rabbit," ""and that's why Peter Rabbit" ""was sent to bed without his supper." ""But Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cotton-Tail, they had ice cream and raspberry jam."" "They say it's late." "How late?" "I don't know." "They just said it was late." "Well, I know that." "You didn't have to go all the way over there to find that out." "Don't yell at me, Molly." "I don't run the railroad." "Wake me up when the train gets here." "Terry." "Already?" "No." "No." "Terry, this is a crummy way to bring up kids." "Oh, Molly, don't start sending the kids back to your mother just because the train is late." "Steve ought to go to school, and they should be sleeping in beds instead of--oh, it's just not right keeping them up all hours of the night like this." "I want them to have an education, a real education." "They have to learn arithmetic and spelling and geography." "You never went past the sixth grade." "It was probably the fourth grade because you said it was the sixth." "My age is the only thing I lie about, and I don't add on, I take off." "All right, the sixth grade, but there's nothing wrong with your arithmetic." "You can whistle Mandy doing Off To Buffalo and count the house at the same time and tell me within 5 cents how much is out there." "That's not arithmetic." "Darn right that's not." "That's higher mathematics." "Besides, the welfare workers are going to crack down on us wherever we go, just like they did in Pittsburgh." "I handled it there, didn't I?" "Why don't you let me worry about that?" "Oh, quiet." "You'll wake up the children." "Oh, Father dear, will you see if there's a dry diaper for the baby in that basket?" "Diaper." "Is that the kind of thing you mention in public?" "Sometimes." "Don't bother." "He hasn't worn them for two years." "You know, if there was any way to divide up three children evenly..." "Yes?" "P.A. Announcement:" "The Western track two." "All aboard for Scranton." "Come on, joy boy." "That's our train." "Come on, darling, wake up." "Wake up." "Come on." "We have to go." "You get these two, will you?" "And that big one." "I can handle the rest of them." "Here, honey, you take this one." "Take good care of it now." "Help with the luggage now." "Steve, ask your father if he remembered to change my berth to a lower." "Katy, ask Pop if he remembered to make the change." "How about the change, Daddy?" "I got plenty of change." "I'll take care of the porter." "He says he's got it." "He got the lower, Mom." "Good." "If there's one thing I hate, it's sleeping in an upper berth with three kids." "Come on, honey." "Here's Flopsy." "Here's Mopsy." "And you've got Cotton-Tail." "And you, too, Peter Rabbit." "Wait till you see our finish." "Terry yelled his head off, of course." "He still wanted to keep them on the road with us, but as the children grew older," "I finally won out." "We put them in a very good school in Boston." "Poor kids." "And that meant we had to figure out a new act." "You sure had a brilliant idea for that little gem." "I sure did:" "Eight beautiful blondes." "Nine." "Nine?" "Yes, nine." "# A pretty girl #" "# Is like a melody #" "# That haunts you night and day #" "# Just like the strain #" "# Of a haunting refrain #" "# She'll start upon a marathon #" "# And run around your brain #" "# You can't escape #" "# She's in your memory #" "# By morning, night, and noon #" "# She will leave you and then #" "# Come back again #" "# A pretty girl is just like a pretty tune #" "# A pretty girl #" "# La ta da ta da de da #" "# Is like a melody #" "# La ta da ta da de da #" "# That haunts you night and day #" "# They go together like sunny weather #" "# Goes with the month of May #" "# Just like the strain #" "# La la la la la la-- #" "# Of a haunting refrain #" "# She'll start upon a marathon #" "# And run around your brain #" "# You can't escape, no, no, no, no, n-- #" "# She's in your memory #" "# In your memory by morning, night, and noon #" "# She will leave you and then... #" "# Come back again #" "# A pretty girl is just like a pretty tune #" "Terrence was having so much fun that I hated to spoil it, but Saturday night, that was the end of that." "It was good-bye, blondes." "Shh!" "Tim, we ought to go back." "We're just going to get in a lot of trouble." "Katy's waiting for us out in the bushes." "You're not going to go chicken now, are you?" "Come on!" "Going somewhere?" "Suppose you come in here, boys." "What is it?" "Trouble." "Where?" "School." "I don't want you to think that the children have caused any serious trouble." "On the contrary, they're fine youngsters, and we'd like to keep them very much." "I just thought it best that we have a little talk." "I hope my telegram didn't interfere too much with your plans." "That's all right, Father." "We closed last night." "We'll be laying off for Lent anyway." "Oh, isn't that interesting?" "I didn't know actors gave up the theater for Lent." "Well, not exactly, Father." "Let's say that the theater gives up actors for Lent." "Does the box office fall off?" "Yes, Father." "Ours falls off." "Yours picks up." "Oh, I understand, but to return to the children." "The fact is, they want to be back with you." "Did they tell you that?" "Well, they've done more than that." "They tried to run away." "Twice." "No." "Yes." "Why?" "Is the work too much for them?" "I mean, are they dumbbells?" "Oh, no." "Not at all." "If there's something wrong with our kids, you don't have to horse around." "You can..." "Oh, I beg your pardon, Father." "That's quite all right." "No, there's nothing wrong with them." "Quite the contrary." "Steve is a fine student, quiet, serious." "Quite an unusual boy." "Katherine, well, the sisters tell me she's above average." "And, uh, Timothy?" "Well, uh..." "Timothy is all boy, shall we say?" "A natural born leader." "Great kid, huh, Father?" "Unfortunately, sometimes he leads the others in the wrong direction." "Oh, there's nothing serious." "What I'm trying to say is, the children are just not happy away from you and the theater." "Happy?" "Who told them they're supposed to be happy?" "They're supposed to be learning things." "Well, in any event," "I think that you and your husband should have a talk with them and try to explain to them how you feel." "Personally, I find something very rare and precious in this feeling they have for you and your profession." "Of course, it's up to you to decide." "Excuse me." "I'll get them." "Get that bit about Tim?" ""Natural born leader."" "Look, birdbrain," "Father Dineen was trying to tell us in a very nice way that we've got a little gangster on our hands." "Didn't you get it?" "The kids are going to stay right here, Terry." "Who says they're not?" "Don't act so innocent." "I know you." "You're a pushover for those kids." "Me?" "You're the one that's always giving in to them." "Not this time." "I'm going to be as firm as the rock of Gibraltar." "The rock of Gibraltar." "The kids knew we bought a house in Jersey, but this was the first time they'd seen it." "And what a time to face a big fat mortgage." "Crash!" "Depression!" "And the first thing that people gave up was the theater." "And the first thing the theater gave up was the Donahues." "Boy, the things we had to do to make a buck." "A couple of seasons there, we even split up." "# She's not so good in the house #" "# But on a bench in the park #" "# You'd be surprised #" "# She isn't much in the light #" "# But when she gets in the dark #" "# You'd be surprised #" "# At a party or at a ball #" "# I got to admit, she's nothin' at all #" "# But in the Morris chair #" "# You'd be surprised #" "And when I say coffee," "I don't mean just any coffee." "I mean Shelby's aerated, vacuumized flavor in the bean coffee, which comes in three delicious grinds:" "Instant... perk..." "And drip." "# So #" "# Let's have another cup of coffee #" "Yes, let's have another cup of Shelby's aerated coffee." "# And let's have another piece of pie #" "Then one day things started picking up." "We were in the chips again, playing big picture houses all across the country." "Till about '37." "That was the year Tim surprised us all and graduated from high school." "And we started working out a new act for the whole family." "Katy's love was dancing, and the kid was good." "Steve was no hoofer, but he sure could sell a song." "Our name for the new act?" "What else?" "The Five Donahues!" "Working together, we soon hit the top:" "Headliners in a big hippodrome extravaganza." "# Come on and hear #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Come on and hear #" "# It's the best band in the land #" "# They can play a bugle call #" "# Like you never heard before #" "# So natural that you want to go to war #" "# That's just the bestest band what am #" "# My honey lamb #" "# Come on along #" "# Come on along #" "# Let me take you by the hand #" "# Up to the man #" "# Up to the man #" "# Who's the leader of the band #" "# And if you care to hear The Swanee River #" "# Played in ragtime #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Alexander's Ragtime #" "# That raggy beat #" "# Gets in your feet #" "# Come on and meet #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Ah, come un zee hear #" "# Ja?" "#" "# Come un zee hear #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "Ach, du liebe, shee, come see und hear #" "# Ein, zwei, drei, vier #" "# That's the best what am in the land #" "# If you want to hear The Swanee River #" "# Spieled ragtime #" "# Come hear, ach, ja #" "# Das oompah pah pah #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Oompah pah pah, oompah pah pah #" "# Oompah pah--oop #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Hoot, man #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Hoot, man #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Hoot, man #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Hoot, man #" "# It's the best band in the land #" "# And if you care to hear Swanee River #" "# Played in ragtime #" "# Come on and hear, come on and hear #" "# The bonnie music of Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Hoot, man #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Allons, mon cher #" "# Attention!" "#" "# Alexander, ooh là là #" "# Ecoutez, amis #" "# Ecoutez, amis #" "# Alexander, ooh!" "#" "# Touché #" "# And if you care to hear #" "# Vraiment magnifique, zee Swanee River #" "# Che che che che che #" "# In ragtime #" "# Allons, allons #" "# Marchons, Marchons #" "# Alexander's Band #" "# Oui, certainement #" "# Come on along #" "# Come on along #" "# Let me take you #" "# By the hand #" "# Up to the man #" "# Up to the man #" "# Who's the leader of the band #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Come on and hear #" "# It's the best band in the land #" "# They can play a bugle call #" "# Like you've never heard before #" "# So natural that you want to go to war #" "# That's just the bestest band what am #" "# Honey lamb #" "# Come on #" "# Come on along #" "# Let me take you by the hand #" "# Up to the maestro #" "# That man #" "# The leader of the band #" "# I want to hear that Swanee, Swanee River #" "# Play it, play it, play that ragtime #" "# Hear, hear #" "# Hear, hear #" "# Alexander's band #" "# Is #" "# Here #" "# It must be the man #" "# It must be Alexander #" "# Hey, hear the band, dance with the band #" "# They're here #" "# Come on and hear #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Come on, come on, come on #" "# It's the best band in the land #" "# If you hear that bugle call #" "# That's about the bestest band what am #" "# Honey lamb, come on #" "# Come on along #" "# Come on along #" "# I want to take you by the hand #" "# Up to the man #" "# Up to the man #" "# The leader of the band #" "# And if you want that Swanee River #" "# Played in ragtime #" "# Come on along #" "# Come on along #" "# Come on along, come on along #" "# To see and hear Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "Oh, you!" "Hey, it went great, huh, Pop?" "Yeah, Tim." "Fine." "You know who was out front tonight?" "Flo." "Ziegfeld?" "No, Flo Zimmerman, my cousin from Passaic." "Mit de apple strudel und the lager beer." " Lager beer." "Skol." " Skol." "Hi, Timmy." "Oh, hiya, kid." "I'll be with you in just a minute." "Oh, excusen me." "Important business up and comin'." "You're excused." "Good-bye." "Terry, have you ever had a talk with Tim about--you know--girls?" "Yeah, a few times, but he wouldn't give me any phone numbers." "No, seriously!" "You kidding?" "That'd be like me teaching Dempsey how to fight." "I wish they'd pick on someone their own age." "Yeah, me, too." "I hope the kids are ready." "I'm starved." "Me, too." "Come in." "Hiya, Stevie." "Be with you in a minute." "Mind if I go on ahead?" "Got a date?" "No, no." "It's such a beautiful night," "I just feel like walking." "I got some thinking to do." "OK, if that's your idea of fun." "See you later." "So long, Steve." "Terry." "What?" "Do you think something's bothering Steve?" "Why?" "Well, he seems so far away these days." "I mean, he's not always with you." "Kind of like a poet or something." "Maybe he'll write lyrics." "No, it's not that." "It's..." "No, it's not that, either." "It's..." "I don't know, but it's something." "Yeah." "Well, I'm glad we got that cleared up." "Ready?" "Katy, we're ready." "Katy, you in there?" "Where could she be?" "She's usually the first one." "Tim?" "Timothy?" "How about it?" "Fine." "We'll be right back." "Well, uh, don't hurry." "You better bring us another gin and tonic, another straight bourbon, another scotch and soda... and another ginger ale, please." "Ginger ale." "Why don't you break down and have a real drink?" "Relax." "Oh, I'm completely relaxed." "Well, this is more like it." "That other place was a creep joint." "Yeah, and the one before it was a morgue." "Right." "I'll check my hat." "OK, baby." "Miss?" "Uh, Miss?" "Good evening, sir." "Welcome to Gallagher's Golden Pheasant Room." "Check your hat, sir?" "Try it again, a little bit more from the chest." "Oh, you think so?" "My vocal teacher sa" "My vocal teacher says it's all diaphragm." "All diaphragm?" "Hmm hmm." "I'd say there's quite a lot else there." "Tell me, what's a girl with such pear-shaped tones doing checking hats?" "I am temporarily between engagements." "Six months temporarily." "And a girl has to eat and pay for her singing lessons." "Oh, you're a singer?" "I could've sworn you were a dramatic actress." "You think that's impossible." "No, no, I can just see it now:" "You as Lady Macbeth." "What a sleep-walking scene!" "I wonder if some evening you'd mind" "Skip it." "I don't give private auditions." "Number 35." "How now, brown cow?" "Good evening, sir." "Welcome to" "Eddie, did you get him?" "Is he coming over?" "Yeah." "Believe it or not, the great Lew Harris is coming over to hear you." "He's on his way." "Helen, take over for me, will you?" "Well, sure, honey." "What's up?" "Lew Harris is coming over." "Lew Harris?" "The producer?" "I'm going to sing with the band." "Oh, good luck, honey." "Is this the dress?" "Are you sure it's the right one?" "He said it was the one you picked out." "It cost and arm and a leg just to rent." "I hope you know what you're doing." "Eddie, will you stop worrying?" "I've known what I was doing since I was 6 years old." "Does Gallagher know you're going on, or is this a secret between you and the band?" "Sure, Mr. Gallagher's in on it." "He knows I've worked in clubs before." "But how can you go on and sing with a strange band?" "I'm not singing with a strange band." "I rehearsed with them all afternoon, and they're very friendly." "The head waiter's name is Carlos." "He has a very good table for you and Mr. Harris." "And the drinks are on the house." "Carlos is in on it, too?" "Of course." "He's even going to make the waiters stop serving while I sing, and he's very friendly, too." "I have been an agent for a good many years, but this is the first time the client has ever managed me." "Oh, and another thing." "When you bring him back to see me," "I want to show him that I'm an actress, too." "I've been working on a scene from The Cherry Orchard." "The Cherry Orchard." "Vicky, let's save the acting as a surprise for him for later." "Much later." "Right now, Mr. Harris wants a singer." "A hot singer!" "What song are you singing?" "I'm singing" ""After You Get What You Want, You Don't Want It."" "Vicky, for the love of Mike, will you forget that elocution stuff?" "It's After" "You Get What You Want." "After." "After." "After." "OK, Eddie." "You run down and wait for Mr. Harris." "I'll change." "After." "After." "After." "After." "The girls in the chorus say you're not to be trusted." "Yeah?" "What else they say about me?" "Wouldn't you like to know?" "Yeah." "I beg your pardon." "May I please get by here?" "Well, if it isn't Ethel Barrymore." "It was only yesterday" "Please, let's not play any more games." "I'm in an awful hurry." "Must be losing my grip." "Something's happening to me." "You're getting old, Buster." "Why, you must be almost 20." "What difference does it make how old a man is?" "Listen, Cheri, one man in 20 years may still be a baby, a mere enfant, but another may have lived a full lifetime, seen everything, done everything." "It is not how old you are, mon patoot." "It is the way you have lived." "It's the wine you have drunk, the music you have heard, and the women you have known." "Oh, the stories I could tell you, kid." "Yeah?" "So tell me." "Well, I--Hey, hey." "I'll take the bottle." "And bring another double gin for Snow White." "You know, you're real cute." "Oh." "Well, uh, bottom's up." "You're pretty cute yourself." "Well, now, that's more like it." "I thought you were great in the show tonight." "Oh, did you?" "Uh-huh." "You were swell." "Oh, thank you, but you know, you didn't see all of it." "No?" "No." "We've got a lot of comedy stuff that we didn't do." "Real slapstick." "I like slapstick." "I'll bet you do." "We have one bit that never fails." "Here." "I'll show you." "Put your hands out like this, flat." "Now, I take these two glasses and put them like so." "And?" "That's all." "Bye!" "Hey!" "Mr. Harris' table." "We have a reservation." "Yes, sir." "This way, please." "Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen," "Gallagher's has a little surprise for you tonight:" "A new young talent, Miss Victoria Hoffman." "Come on, everybody, let's give the little girl a great big welcome." "# After you get what you want #" "# You don't want it #" "# If I gave you the moon #" "# You'd grow tired of it soon #" "# You're like a baby #" "# You want what you want when you want it #" "# But after you are presented #" "# With what you want #" "# You're discontented #" "# You're always wishing and wanting for #" "# Something #" "# When you get what you want #" "# You don't want what you get #" "# And though I sit upon your knee #" "# You grow tired of me #" "# 'Cause after #" "# You get what you want #" "# You don't want what you wanted at all #" "# Changeable #" "# You've got a changeable nature #" "# Always, always changing your mind #" "# There's a longing in your eye #" "# Hard to satisfy #" "# And here's the reason why #" "# 'Cause after #" "# You get what you want #" "# You don't want it #" "# If I gave you the moon #" "# You'd grow tired of it soon #" "# You're like a baby #" "# You want what you want when you want it #" "# But after you are presented #" "# With what you want #" "# You're discontented #" "# You're always wishing and wanting for #" "# Something #" "# When you get what you want #" "# You don't want what you get #" "# And though I sit upon your knee #" "# You grow tired of me #" "# 'Cause after #" "# You get what you want #" "# You don't want what you wanted at all #" "# Baby, I don't mean to make you blue #" "# But you need a talkin' to #" "# 'Cause after #" "# You get what you want #" "# You don't want what you wanted at all #" "I know you!" "Well, what do you think?" "I'm interested." "I knew it." "I knew you'd flip your lid over this girl." "Ha ha ha ha." "How do you do, Mr. Harris?" "Hello, Mr. Harris." "Hi there, Mr. Harris." "Hello." "Oh, not again." "I'm waiting for someone terribly important." "This is terribly important, too." "I happen to be Kirby from Variety." "I think the world should know about you." "How about an interview?" "This not another one of your little jokes." "Oh, no, not when I'm working." "The only thing is I'm expecting these people." "That's all right." "Why don't we start and see how far we get." "Oh, excuse me." "Uh, tell me, have you had any previous experience?" "Doing what?" "I was thinking of your stage career, but I'd be interested in anything else you have to tell me." "I see." "Why don't I give you my telephone number?" "Why don't you?" "I have a much better idea." "I'll call you tomorrow at Variety, and we can make a date." "Oh, it's, uh, well, tomorrow happens to be my day off." "I was afraid of something like that." "Excuse me." "That must be my guests." "Oh, hello." "Vicky, this is Mr. Lew Harris." "Charmed, I'm sure." "I enjoyed your performance, Miss Hoffman." "Did you?" "Did you really?" "Come in please." "This gentleman was just leaving." "Tim Donahue." "How are you, kid?" "I hear you and the family are knockin' 'em dead over at the Hippodrome." "Thank you, Mr. Harris." "One of The Five Donahues?" "Oh, you do a great act." "I didn't know you knew him." "We just met." "Mr. Donahue, it was awfully sweet of you to come back and tell me how much you admired my work." "When one performer troubles to tell another, that's praise indeed." "And tell your family while I do appreciate it," "I couldn't possibly join their act." "I'll tell 'em, but they'll be broken-hearted." "I'm sorry, but there are five of you already, and I much prefer working as a single, if you know what I mean, and I think you do." "Mad about me." "Timmy, where you been?" "I been lookin' everywhere for you." "I just fumbled, and the coach took me out." "Whoop, that's a cute step." "Come on, let's go someplace where they appreciate me." "Oh, this is silly." "After all, they're not children anymore." "No." "Come on, I got a good hand." "They're certainly old enough to take care of themselves." "Exactly." "You go." "Why do you suppose they didn't tell us, just sneaking out that way without" "Molly, that's just part of growing up." "Remember our first date?" "Yeah." "We didn't tell anybody, either." "No." "You remember how late we stayed out?" "Mm-hmm." "You should've been ashamed of yourself." "Where the heck is Katy?" "Take it easy." "Now you got me worried." "It's about time, you big lug." "Here's a taxi." "What do you mean by coming home at this hour, young lady?" "You have some explaining to do." "How sweet of you to wait up for me." "Do pay the cab fare, darling." "I'm flat." "Where did you pick her up?" "Outside of Gallagher's joint." "How much do I owe you?" "6.20." "6.20?" "How'd ya come, by way of Canarsie?" "I brought her home, didn't I?" "Thanks." "Got change of 20?" "Oh, yeah." "And for all I know, Mom, he's still sitting there, dripping." "Let me tell you about the one I used to use." "A handbag full of nickels-- anybody got fresh-- clunk." "We used to call it the woman's defender." "What's so funny?" "Your daughter stays out gallivanting till all hours of the morning, and you think it's a big joke." "Maybe Katy never went to finishing school, but there are some parts of her education" "I'll match against anybody's." "Um, Tim get home yet?" "No." "Why?" "You see him?" "You know where he is?" "No." "I just wondered." "Where in blazes have you been?" "In church." "Church?" "Now I've heard everything." "No, seriously." "Church at this time of night?" "I went for a walk through the park first." "Who with?" "Nobody." "Just myself." "Mom, Dad, there's something I want to tell you." "Well..." "I don't want you to think" "I haven't given this a lot of thought, but..." "Go on." "I'm going to be a priest." "A what?" "!" "A priest." "You're kidding." "Steve, what are you talkin' about?" "I know this comes as a big shock to all of you, but... it's what I want more than anything else in the world." "A priest?" "!" "Why, you must be abs" "Let him finish, Terry." "I talked to Father Dineen about it last summer." "Today I got a letter telling me to report to the seminary next week." "I am not going to let you do it." "Terry" "Now, you stay out of this." "Look, son, you're very young." "You don't understand what a wonderful thing life can be." "You don't know how wonderful it is to fall in love and get married and raise a family." "I'm not gonna let you give all that up." "I've thought about it, Pop." "It's just that some people are meant to be one thing, some another." "What about your work?" "What about everything you've been trained for?" "What about the theater?" "In a way, it's just a change of booking." "You must admit the church has had a pretty long run." "I just hope I have the talent for it." "Beats me." "I can't figure it out." "# Come on along, come on along #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Come on along # Hello, everybody." "Oh, great." "He's crocked." "I beg your pardon-- stinkied." "Whoops, forgot to remove my hat." "I'll fix him." " Now" " Pop" "I can handle him." "I've been handling him his whole life." "Is there some sort of dispute going on?" "Can I be of any assis" "Can I be of any" "Oh, Mom, I don't feel so good." "Oh, no, you don't." "Upstairs for you." "I just had this carpet cleaned." "What a family." "One of 'em goes sneaking off to a nightclub, one of 'em comes home smelling like a saloon, and the third one--you-- I might've expected you to come home drunk like Tim, but I will be a Hindu swami" "if I expected what you gave me tonight." "Pop, don't take it so big." "Steve might turn out to be something really big, like a bishop or even a cardinal." "Yeah?" "The only cardinal I want in this family is one that plays ball with St. Louis." "I could take a" "Bath." "Big man now." "Comin' home like" "You're drowning me." "Don't put any ideas in my head." "Yeah, but I" "Down, boy." "Down." "And don't come up till I tell ya." "Where am I?" "Here." "Give me that." "Will you please, Ma?" "Timmy, this hurts you more than it hurts me." "Now get in there." "I'm getting there." "Come on, get in." "Hurry up." "This way." "Put your head down here on the pillow." "Come on." "All right, let's have it, sport." "Who were you out with?" "Lillian Sawyer." "That tomato?" "I think I asked her to marry me, Mom." "I know I proposed something." "I bet you did." "What'd you have to drink?" "I don't remember, but we topped it off with champagne and root beer." "I was trying to forget." "Forget what?" "That's another thing I don't remember." "Another girl, I think." "Little man, you've had a busy night." "Yeah." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Everything's going round and round, Ma." "Yes, I know." "I know." "You go to sleep now." "We'll talk this over in the morning." "Oh." "I'm sorry, Mom." "I know you are, kid, and I'm sorry, too, if I hurt you." "It's just that we love you so much that we intend to make a man out of you, even if we have to murder you first." "Thanks, Mom." "Go to sleep now." "Good night, Ma." "Good night, Tim." "Is he all right?" "Oh, he's fine now, but what he's gonna feel like in the morning." "Anyway, I hope so." "Steve, I wanna talk to you." "Sure, Mom." "Are you disappointed in me, too, the way Dad is?" "You can't blame your father, Steve, the way you threw it at him, just cold, without any build-up." "He wasn't lookin' for it." "He had different plans for you." "There's still Katy and Tim." "Yes, but you're the firstborn." "There's always something about the first." "Life's funny." "You raise a kid backstage, you teach him every trick you know about singing and dancing and how to make people laugh, and then one day, this." "Why?" "How come?" "I don't know, Ma." "It's inside me." "It must have always been there." "It's like losing' ya, Steve." "Oh, I know, not really, but" "Then you are disappointed." "No, I'm not disappointed." "It's a wonderful thing." "I'm just not used to it yet, but I'm proud." "Very proud." "Mom." "# Remember the night #" "# Remember the night #" "# The night you said #" "# I love you?" "#" "# Remember?" "#" "# Remember, my love #" "# All the stars #" "# Above you?" "#" "# Remember?" "#" "# Remember, we vowed to own this spot #" "# And after I learned to care a lot #" "# You promised that you'd #" "# Forget me not #" "# But you forgot #" "# To reme-em-em-ber #" "When do we open?" "Where?" "Have another sandwich." "Oh, come on, let's go inside." "They're starting." "Showtime." "Quiet!" "Showtime!" "Showtime!" "You all get settled down." "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shh!" "There." "Now, since you were nice enough to surprise me," "I have a surprise for you." "We have a couple of very talented young people here with us tonight--songs, dances, and impressions" "And they would like to perform for you." "Now, this act hasn't been seen in something like 20 years, and if I'm any judge of talent, it'll never be seen again." "Ladies and gentlemen, The Two Donahues!" "# When that midnight choo-choo #" "# Leaves for Alabam' #" "# I gotta catch that train #" "# I'll be right there #" "# I got my fare #" "# When I see that rusty-haired conductor man #" "# I gotta find that man #" "# I'll grab him by the collar #" "# And I'll holler #" " # Ala # - # Bam' #" "# That's where you stop your train #" "# That brings me back again #" "# Down home where I'll remain #" "# Where my honey lamb am #" "# I will be right there with bells #" "# When that old conductor yells #" "# All aboard, all aboard #" "# All aboard for Alabamy #" "# For Alabam' #" "# For Alabamy #" "Board!" "# I'll be right there with bells #" "# When that old conductor yells #" "# All aboo-rd #" "# For Alabam' #" "# When that midnight choo-choo leaves for #" "# Alabam' #" "Thank you." "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen." "My sister and I both thank you." "Would you like to say a few words, sweetheart?" "Yes." "Thank you." "That's enough." "Now, ladies and gentlemen, for the piece de résistance." "We're supposed to add a new song to our act for next season, but the fella who was supposed to sing it got himself a new job." "It's not as much money as we were paying him, but that's what he wants to do, so we're all for him." "Would you like to hear it?" "Ladies and gentlemen, your guest of honor, Mr. Steven Donahue." "Thank you very much." "A couple of years ago, when we were playing down in Memphis," "I heard a song that impressed me very much, and it's the kind of a song we snap our fingers and clap our hands, and I want you to come along with me." "We'll have a little fun." "# Brothers #" "# And sisters #" "# Listen #" "# You non-believers, listen #" "# You better start to believe #" "# All you doubters #" "# Be hallelujah shouters #" "# Or else you're going to grieve #" "# There's no time to wait #" "# You may be too late #" "# So listen #" "# You don't know what you're missin' #" "# Until you start to believe #" "# If you believe #" "# That there's a heaven #" "# You'll get to heaven #" "# If you believe #" "# If you believe that there are angels #" "# You'll see the angels #" "# If you believe #" "# I'm not making promises #" "# To the doubting Thomases #" "# But if you believe the Lord can help you #" "# The Lord will help you #" "# If you believe #" "# Do you believe?" "#" "# We do, we do, we do #" "# Do you believe?" "#" "# We do, we do, we do #" "# Well, Jonah went out one night in a gale #" "# Do you believe that?" "#" "# We do, we do, we do #" "# Soon he was swallowed up by a whale #" "# Do you believe that?" "#" "# We do, we do, we do #" "# Daniel laid down with lions that roared #" "# Noah was on his ark when it poured #" "# Moses looked up, and he spoke to the Lord #" "# Do you believe that?" "#" "# Do you believe that?" "#" "# We do #" "# We do, we do, we do #" "# Now, I'm not making promises #" "# To the doubting Thomases #" "# But if you believe the Lord can help you #" "# The Lord will help you #" "# If you believe #" "More!" "More!" "More!" "More!" "Thank you very much." "I hope you won't take this as my farewell performance." "I'm just going into rehearsal now for four years, and when I get the new act put together" "New material, new costumes-- I hope you'll all find the time to come and see me." "Will you?" "Thank you." "We're going to miss you around here." "Somebody put a slice of raw onion in this sandwich." "You better give me a bite." "I need an excuse, too." "Florida." "We now take you to beautiful Florida, land of golden sunshine, balmy breezes, swaying palm trees." "Playground of the millionaires." "Yeah." "Things were going so swimmingly for The Four Donahues, one winter, we even vacationed there." "Some vacation." "Two shows a night." "Three on Saturdays." "# Ta-da-da-da-da-ta #" "# Tropical heat wave #" "# Da-da-da-da-ta #" "# Da-da-da-da-ta, bum-bum #" "Your aim's gettin' better." "I take it those are the new costumes for the Heat Wave number." "Yeah." "Cuban." "You like?" "Yeah." "You better." "They cost a week's salary." "A week's salary?" "If the number doesn't go, we can always eat the act." "Take your hands away." "Those grapes cost a dollar a piece." "Muchachas, we are in the wrong business." "Oh, take the arrangements down to the band and go over the routine with them before we rehearse." "OK, Mom." "If you see Katy, send her in here." "All right." "Hold it, fellas." "Mac, would mind trying the vocal with me first?" "Just easy, you know?" "When the boys get here, we can take it from the top." "OK, honey." "Let's try it." "Hi, Tim." "Hi." "Vicky, do you know Tim Donahue?" "Miss Vicky Parker." "Hello, Mr. Donahue." "Victoria Hoffman-- Gallagher's." "Right." "But he said Vicky Parker." "Don't tell me you're married." "Don't tell me this is going to be another interview." "Are you?" "Mac, did you know that Mr. Donahue, in his spare time, is a well-known reporter?" " Yeah." " Are ya?" "No, Mr. Donahue." "I have a new manager, and he's doing me over completely." "New name, new clothes, new, uh..." "I guess everything else is pretty much the same." "Yeah." "But my sensitive ear tells me that you're not using quite as much diaphragm." "My vocal teacher is gone with the wind, and please don't remind me." "Ah, dear." "And I thought this was just gonna be another nightclub engagement." "Thank you, fellas." "I couldn't have said it any better myself." "Would you mind terribly if we got on with the rehearsal?" "Of course not." "You go right ahead." "I'll just sit right here and watch you." "Help yourself." "Won't bother me." "It'll bother me, but I like it." "OK, Mac." "# We're havin' a heat wave #" "# A tropical heat wave #" "# The temperature's rising, it isn't surprising #" "# She's certainly-- #" "Hold it." "Wait a second." "Hold it, fellas." "Hold it." "This is terrible." "Terrible?" "No, you don't understand." "You can't use that song." "We're using it." "We have new costumes and new arrangements." "Well, it's all set." "It's a big number." "You're joking." "I wish I was." "But Heat Wave's my big number, too." "It is?" "What are we going to do?" "My whole act's built around it." "I have boys working with me... but of course, you're the headliners, so I guess it's out." "I'll just have to cancel and go back to New York." "No, you can't do that." "What about us?" "What about all the things we're gonna do together?" "But, Tim, what else can I do?" "It puts me in a terrible spot." "Well" "I'll tell you what, forget about it." "Forget the whole thing." "You go right ahead." "It's your number." "There are lots of things we can do." "We'll work something out." "I'll go talk to the family." "I'll see you later." "I hope so." "And thank you." "Yeah." "I'll see you later." "Whew." "That was close." "He had me worried." "Not me." "I never had a moment's doubt." "Gentlemen, the winner and new champion." "Wow!" "# We're havin' a heat wave #" "# A tropical heat wave #" "# The temperature's rising, it isn't surprising #" "# She certainly can #" "# Can-can #" "# She started a heat wave #" "# By letting her seat wave #" "# In such a way that the customers say that #" "# She certainly can #" "# Can-can #" "# Gee, gee #" "# Her anatomy #" "# Makes the mercury #" "# Zoom #" "# To 93 #" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "# We're havin' a heat wave #" "# A tropical heat wave #" "# The way that she moves that thermometer proves #" "# That she certainly can #" "What's your name, honey?" "Pablo." "# Certainly can #" "Chico." "# Certainly can #" "Miguelito." "# Pablo #" "# Chico #" "# Miguelito #" "# Ahh!" "Can-can #" "# Pablo #" "# It say here under #" "# Weather report #" "# It say #" "# A front of warm air is moving in from #" "# Where?" "#" "# Jamaica #" "# Moderately high barometric pressure #" "# Will cover the, uh, Northeast and #" "# Where else?" "#" "# The deep South #" "# Small danger of #" "# What?" "#" "# Fruit frost #" "# Hot and humid nights can be expected #" "# St. Vincent, 95 #" "# Guadeloupe, 97 #" "# Santo Domingo, 99 #" "# Martinique # # 105 #" "# We're havin' a heat wave #" "# A tropical #" "# Heat wave #" "# The temperature's rising #" "# It isn't surprising #" "# He certainly can #" "# Can #" "# I started this heat wave #" "# By #" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "# And in such a way that #" "# The customers say that #" "# I certainly can #" "# Can-can #" "# Gee, gee, gee... #" "It's easy to see why he did it." "Ow!" "# Makes the mercury #" "# Rise to # # 93 #" "# We're havin' a heat wave #" "# A tropical, tropical heat wave #" "# The way that I move that thermometer proves #" "# She certainly #" "# Certainly, certainly can #" "# I certainly, certainly, certainly can #" "# Can-can #" "Yeah?" "Then what happened?" "Then after Lew Harris bought my contract from Eddie, he sent me out on the road for a few seasons." "He told me I had an awful lot to learn and I talked as if I had marshmallows in my mouth." "Ha." "I liked it." "It was different." "Yes, like green hair." "Yeah." "It's lovely." "You know," "I never thought anything like this could ever happen to me." "Well, anyway..." "I guess Lew thinks I'm ready now." "He's planning to build a whole new revue around me next season on Broadway." "I'd like to build something around you:" "A barbed-wire fence." "Where do you think we should go on our honeymoon?" "What?" "I think we oughta stay right here." "Then we wouldn't waste all that time traveling, and, besides, they tell me the rainy season's coming on." "I really have to go, Tim." "It's getting late." "Why don't we get a sandwich at the hotel?" "I'm hungry." "We just had spaghetti at the other place." "You bought me breadsticks, remember?" "Huh?" "Yeah." "I forgot." "Well, when we're married, we won't eat out." "We'll bake our own breadsticks." "Grow our own wheat?" "Sure." "With a large family, you gotta cut corners." "Just how large a family are you planning?" "Oh, quartet:" "Baritone, tenor, soprano, alto." "You like the script so far?" "You left out a very important part:" "The menace." "Oh, we don't need one." "We'll keep it light and airy." "What if your heroine is a career woman, gonna fight her way to the top, no matter what?" "Then I'll clear the path for her." "Why, I'm... trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent, and we could start a fire without rubbing two sticks together." "What do you say, baby?" "Don't call us." "We'll call you." "Good night, Tim." "Is that all?" "Good night." "Oh, I forgot to return your breadstick." "I'm awfully sorry." "I'll forgive you." "Good night." "Is that still all?" "Tim, I had a wonderful evening." "I like you very much." "I hope you ask me out again sometime." "And if you want to kiss me good night..." "Mm-hmm." "Good night." "# A man chases a girl #" "# Until she catches him #" "# He runs after a girl #" "# Until he's caught #" "# He fishes for a girl #" "# Until she's landed him #" "# It all comes out exactly the way she thought #" "# Uncertain #" "# He tags along behind #" "# Uncertain #" "# Till she makes up his mind #" "# A man chases a girl until she catches him #" "# But don't run too fast while you are saying no #" "# And once you've caught him #" "# Don't ever let him go #" "# A man chases a girl #" "# Until she catches him #" "# He runs after a girl #" "# Until he's caught #" "# He fishes for a girl #" "# Until she's landed him #" "# It all comes out #" "# Exactly the way she thought #" "# Once you've got him #" "# Don't ever let him #" "# Once you've got him #" "# Don't ever let him #" "# Once you've got him #" "# Don't let him go #" ""Well, Mom, Latin and I are finally on speaking terms," ""and I am not as worried" ""about the final examinations now" ""as I was a month ago." ""However, I'll be grateful for all the help I can get," ""so please light a candle for me." ""Please light four candles for me." ""I miss you all very much." ""Love, Steve." ""Pax vobiscum." "That's Latin for "peace be with you."" "Let me see that." "You know, it wouldn't surprise me if he was top man in his class." "Morning, Pop." "Morning, Mom." "Would you like to try that entrance again?" "See, I'm your father." "This lady happens to be your mother." "Leave him alone, Terry." "He hasn't got anything straight for two weeks." "Why should he start now?" "What's up?" "Let him eat." "He needs his strength." "I'll get it." "Hello." "Yes, he's here." "That girl who steals everybody's material wants to talk to you." "Shh!" "She'll hear you." "Good." "Maybe she'll give me back my song." "Hello, Vicky." "How are you this morning?" "Hmm?" "Yeah, it's me." "No, really." "No--no--no--no, there's nothing wrong." "It's just--yeah." "Yeah, capacity." "Standing room only." "No, I haven't had a chance to tell them yet." "I--I--I" "Excuse me." "Wait just a minute, will ya, Vicky?" "Excuse me, Mother." "Uh, excuse me." "You know something?" "I think they're married." "Married?" "Who?" "Tim and that girl." "Didn't you hear him?" ""I haven't had a chance to tell them yet."" "What else could it be?" "No, no, no." "What do you mean, "no, no, no"?" "Of course that's what it is." "What are we gonna do?" "They're not married." "Then they're making plans." "You've gotta step 'em, Terry." "Me?" "Certainly." "You run this act." "Ha!" "All of a sudden, when something goes wrong, I run the act." "Don't raise your voice to me!" "What do you think you are," "Whispering Jack Smith?" "Come in." "Oh, it's love's young dream." "He locked himself in." "There's no knob on the inside." "I'll complain to the management." "Tell them and get it over with, will ya?" "OK." "Uh, Mom, Pop... uh, Katy and me, we, uh" "Well, me and Katy" "Oh, for heaven's sakes." "Lew Harris is going to star Vicky Parker in a big Broadway revue next season" "I got a great title for it:" "Something Borrowed And Something Blue." "Now, come on, Mom." "Let Katy tell you, will ya?" "Well, Vicky wants Tim and me to be in the show with her, so she asked Mr. Harris to catch the act last night, and he liked us, so he wants to sign us." "And the question is, should we or... or shouldn't we do it?" "First she takes our song, and now..." "Oh, this kid and I have just gotta wind up the best of chums." "Well, I think it's great." "I think it's just wonderful." "Now, you understand it's just Katy and me." "That's why we didn't say anything definite." "Are you worrying about your mother and me?" "Young lady, we were an act before you were an idea." "And you, you weren't even penciled in." "What do you think we raised you for if it wasn't for this?" "What do you say, Mom?" "OK." "On one condition." "They have to take the four Cuban costumes, too." "Molly, I love you." ""Orchids to Molly and Terry Donahue," ""wowing them at The Blue Angel." ""Though back to two slices, still smasheroo." ""Their kids Katy and Tim" ""are rehearsing" ""in Lew Harris' Manhattan Parade," ""slated to open next month." ""If they're anything like Mom and Pop," ""look for some very fancy hat-tossing by the New York critics."" "OK, kids." "Here we go." "Quiet, everybody!" "Settle down, now." "Quiet!" "This time, we'll take it right from the top, huh?" "Now, watch those phone cues, will ya, honey?" "You ready, kids?" "You ready, kids?" "1...2..." "# Hello #" "# Here we go #" "# No, sorry, not tonight #" "# That was quick #" "# Shh, yes?" "#" "# Jim?" "Jack?" "Jeffrey?" "#" "# No, it's just that I'm languid #" "# Well, how do you do?" "It's nice to know ya #" "# Physically, I'm in pretty good shape #" "# Brother, you can say that again #" "# It's my attitude that's passive #" "Meow!" "Ruff!" "." "# You know you're the only one I love #" "# That's all, he's hooked #" "# Bye, now #" "# Bye, now #" "# Hello #" "# We're off again #" "# No, sorry, not tonight #" "# She's languid #" "# Shh, quiet #" "# Bill?" "Bobby?" "Bruce?" "#" "# No, it's just that I'm supine #" "That's a word?" "Who knows?" "# Physically, I'm in pretty good shape #" "# See?" "She did say it again #" "# But, mentally, I'm comatose #" "# Quick, boy, the dictionary #" "# You know you're the only one I love #" "# New fish, same hook #" "# Bye, now #" "# Bye, now #" "# She won't get up, she won't go out #" "# Baby, what's it all about?" "#" "# Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "#" "Well, in simple English, I'm..." "# Lazy #" "# I wanna be #" "# Lazy #" "# I long to be #" "# Out in the sun #" "# With no work to be done #" "# Under that awning #" "# They call the sky #" "# Stretching and yawning #" "# And let the world #" "# Go drifting by #" "# I wanna peep #" "# Through the deep #" "# Tangled wide world #" "# Counting sheep #" "# Till I sleep #" "# Like a child would #" "# With a great big valise full #" "# Of books to read #" "# Where it's peaceful #" "# While I'm #" "# Killin' time #" "# Being lazy #" "Wrong number." "Wrong number." "Oh, Sam, you're sweet." "Aah!" "Lew, I did that lyric over." "You want to look at it?" "Oh, thanks, Charlie." "That boy and girl are just what Vicky needed." "They make her look great." "Yeah, they sure do." "You know something, Lew?" "I think I'm gonna marry that girl." "You what?" "Don't get nervous." "I mean the little Donahue." "Oh." "# With a great big #" "# Valise full #" "# Of books to read #" "# Where it's peaceful #" "# While I'm #" "# Killin' time #" "# Being #" "# Lazy #" "That's fine, kids." "Very good." "Keep it that way." "Let's go to lunch." "OK, kids, that's it." "Lunch, everybody." "Back at 2:00 sharp." "I'm starved." "I'll get my coat and be with you in two minutes." "All right." "Tim, toward the finish where I slide over the end of the couch, am I too close to you?" "Can the bee get too close to the honey?" "Come on." "Let's go to lunch." "Vicky, I have lunch sent upstairs for us." "I think that'll be less tiring for you." "We can't take any chances with our star, you know?" "Can I have a rain check, Tim?" "Maybe tomorrow, huh?" "That dance looked great." "Nice work, boy." "Boy, you can take me to lunch." "Come on." "Oh, by the way, I fixed it." "We've got Friday off." "Yeah?" "Where are we going?" "To church." "Steve is being ordained." "How could you forget that?" "Honestly, Tim, don't you think about anything these days but Vicky Parker?" "No." "Miss Donahue." "Oh, hello." "Excuse me." "I was just wondering if you were free for lunch." "Well, um..." "Oh, don't worry about me, Sis." "Of course, I'm not sincere, but would you like to join us?" "Well, thanks, but I'll send out for a sandwich." "You go ahead." "Be sure and eat, now." "You really looked like you were enjoying that number." "I love it." "But when I got up to the altar," "I was real scared." "The ordaining was so beautiful, Steve." "Father Donahue." "Hey, you know where your parish will be?" "I haven't been assigned yet." "You make sure they give you a good booking, son." "Don't let them put you out in the sticks." "Oh, Charlie, I'm sorry." "Steve, you haven't met Charlie Gibbs." "Charlie, may I present Father Steven Donahue?" "Glad to meet you, Charlie." "Congratulations, Father." "Thank you." "Look, I know this is family, and I kind of hate to butt in, but I was wondering if you'd have any time in the near future to perform a small wedding ceremony." "A wedding ceremony?" "That's right." "Who are you gonna marry, Charlie?" "You." "What is this?" "When did all this happen?" "It's the first I've heard of it." "It's the first I've heard of it, too." "Charlie." "Well, it looks like it's my turn to congratulate you." "I'll be happy to perform the ceremony." "Thanks, Father." "Wherever you are, whenever you're ready, just give me a call." "Have black suit, will travel." "I think I oughta congratulate him, too." "I'm gonna give the bride away." "Tim?" "Yeah." "Ready?" "I have the evening all planned." "Dinner at Shambor." "Pheasant under glass, broccoli hollandaise." "Not for me." "I'm a simple girl with simple tastes." "2-inch-thick steaks, French fries, and a big salad." "Then steak it'll be." "Hitch on." "Nellie, what is that?" "That's not for me." "Well, yes, Miss Parker." "It's the first dress you wear." "But I understood it was out." "Well, I don't know." "Mr. Harris put it through." "He wants to see it in his office right now." "Then I have to see him right now." "Thanks, Millie." "Hey, Vicky." "Steak, French fries, you and me, remember?" "You go ahead, Tim." "I thought I'd convinced Lew this dress is wrong for me, but I guess I'll have to persuade him again." "It won't take long." "I'll join you at the restaurant." "I'll give you exactly 20 minutes." "I'll be there just as soon as I can." "I promise." "All right, honey, but don't be long, huh?" "I won't." "Night, Kelly." "Good night." "I still can't see anything wrong with it." "Lew, it's my first entrance." "I have to make an impression, and this dress won't do it." "This shade of purple is wrong for me." "The color is heliotrope." "Heliotrope, hydrangea, petunia, whatever you call it, it's still the wrong shade of purple for me." "Hey, kids, simmer down." "For two solid hours," "I haven't been a producer." "I've been a referee." "Lew, it's as simple as this:" "Do you want me to look right in this show?" "Everyone else thinks it looks wonderful." "She doesn't like it because it's classic." "In color, in line, in everything, it's different." "It's different, all right." "Different from anything I'm going to wear." "Let's be practical." "The dress cost $1,400, and that's not heliotrope." "Yes?" "Oh." "Just a minute." "Did you have a date with young Donahue?" "Poor Tim." "What time is it?" "Oh, no." "Hello, Tim." "I'm terribly sorry." "It's taking longer than I thought." "Yes, I know, but" "Look, why don't you start your dinner?" "I won't be long." "I will." "Bye." " Now" " Oh, now-- 4th round, coming up." "Oh, this whole argument's ridiculous." "Are we alive, or are we dead?" "Just as I thought." "Dead." "Well, as long as we're not on the air," "I can speak freely." "The time is now... 12:31 A.M." "It's tomorrow morning." "First the news." "The news is all bad, so we'll skip it." "Instead, we'll bring you the musical portion of our program." "I would like to dedicate this number to a little girl who's about to become a big star because she knows exactly where she's going and who she's going there with." "With whom she's going there... with?" "Anyway, I dedicate this next number to her and to me, too, because..." "I ain't goin' there with her." "Well, hello, Miss Vicky Parker." "I'm terribly sorry, Tim." "Speak up." "I had no idea Geoffrey was going to be there and that we would get into such a big hassle." "Oh, Geoffrey was there, too?" "Well, well..." "Geoffrey!" "Geoffrey." "Geoffrey." "Here, Geoffrey." "I don't see him." "Do you see him?" "However, just because I can't see him doesn't mean he wasn't there." "Of course, I can't see anything." "No." "Things can be right in front of my nose, and I can't see them." "What things?" "You want me to spell it out for you?" "No." "Maybe it's crazy to try and explain anything to you the way you are now, but, Tim, try to understand, to you, this is just another show." "You're part of this business." "You were born to it." "You never had to pound on doors to get people to listen to you." "Your family did it all." "It's different with me." "I've been on my own since I was 15." "This show is my big chance." "It's make or break." "Don't worry, honey." "You'll make it." "You've got what it takes, and you know how to use it." "I don't have to take that from you, Tim." "Why should I?" "I don't owe you a thing." "That's right." "You don't." "You only owe Lew Harris." "You owe him everything." "And let it not be said that you're a girl who welches on her debts." "Get out." "Get out of here!" "Did you send the flowers?" "Molly, for the 40th time, yes, I sent the flowers." "The florist said they'd be at the theater by 7:30." "And what about the reservation at 21 for after the show?" "Yes, I made it, Molly." "Now, will you calm down?" "You'd think it was our opening night." "I wish it was." "Those poor kids." "Oh, just another show." "They'll be great." "Hello." "Hello?" "Katy?" "What's the matter, honey?" "You sound like you're crying." "What?" "No." "Where?" "Well, is he hurt bad?" "Who?" "Who's hurt?" "Was there anybody with him?" "Oh, I see." "Is it Tim?" "Yes, but he's not hurt bad." "He's just banged up a little." "Look, Katy, I'm gonna go right out there." "What hospital did you say?" "Yeah, I got that." "Uh-huh." "Now, look, honey..." "Now, you stop crying and get hold of yourself, and I'll send Mother down to the theater right away." "Yes, I'm leaving this minute." "Right." "All right, honey." "Good-bye." "What is it?" "What happened?" "He was with one of the chorus girls, and the car turned over." "Katy said he'd been drinking up in White Plains somewhere." "Are you sure he's not badly hurt?" "Katy said no." "What about the show tonight?" "Why would Tim" "Now, look, you get a cab right away, will ya?" "Go to the theater." "Katy needs you." "Will you call me the minute you see him?" "Yes, I will, and don't worry." "Taxi." "Taxi." "We'll just have to cut it, that's all." "But you can't cut that number, Lew." "That's Katy's best spot in the show." "But, Mom, the understudy can't do it like Tim." "Wouldn't mean a thing." "He can get away with some of the routines, but not that number." "I don't know." "Maybe the best thing to do would be to postpone." "Lew, why don't I do it with her?" "You?" "Sure." "I've been rehearsing with her every night." "I know it backwards." "Oh, Molly, that's crazy." "I'm telling you, it'll work." "I'll have to fake the dancing, but I've been getting away with that for years." "You think you can go out there cold and sell that number with Katy?" "No, I'm just talking." "Of course I could." "Why not, Lew?" "Why not?" "OK, Molly." "You're on." "You're hired." "Get the wardrobe mistress up here." "Charlie, take them to the green room." "I'll send the orchestra leader right down." "Me and my big mouth." "All right, everybody, what are you standing around here for?" "Let's go." "We've got a show to do." "# I'm an old salt #" "# I'm a young salt #" "# In the navy #" "# We've been working very hard #" "# I was part of that flotilla #" "# With Dewey in Manila #" "# I'm a new recruit #" "# At the Brooklyn Navy Yard #" "# Tonight we're on a spree and feeling flowery #" "# We've got a date with gals and drinks and food #" "# Across the Brooklyn Bridge #" "# Into the bowery #" "# And I'm gonna get the kid tattooed #" "Tattooed?" "Tattooed." "# A sailor's not a sailor #" "# Till a sailor's been #" "# Tattooed #" "# Here's an anchor #" "# From a tanker #" "# That I sailed upon #" "# When first I went to sea #" "# Here's another #" "# Of my mother #" "# Takes me back to when I sat upon her knee #" "# Here's a crimson heart #" "# With a cupid's dart #" "# Here's a battle cruiser #" "# And when I sit down #" "# On that, too #" "# There's a tattoo #" "# Of my hometown #" "# To the bowery #" "# To the bowery #" "# Cross the Brooklyn Bridge #" "# And I'm just in the mood #" "# He'll be filled with different mixtures #" "# And covered up with pictures #" "# I can't wait to be #" "# It'll be great to be tattooed #" "# Tattooed #" "# Tattooed #" "# A sailor's not a sailor #" "# Till a sailor's been #" "# Ta-a-a-ttooed #" "# Tattooed #" "# Tattooed #" "# Tattooed #" "# Tattooed #" "# A sailor's not a sailor #" "# Till a sailor's been tattooed #" "# Oh, a sailor's not a sailor #" "# Till a sailor's been tattooed #" "# Tattoo, tattoo #" "# A sailor's not a sailor #" "# Till he's been tattooed #" "# Tattooed #" "# Tattooed #" "# A sailor's not a sailor #" "# Till a sailor's been #" "# Tattooed #" "Hiya, Pop." "How's the girl?" "She's all right, I guess." "Uh... they had to take a couple of stitches, but the doctor said none of them would show." "How 'bout you?" "I'm all right." "They, uh... took a couple of X-rays, just want me to stay overnight for observation." "All right, let's have it." "What happened?" "Didn't they tell you downstairs?" "Yeah, they told me downstairs." "I'd like to hear it from you." "OK, I was drunk." "I was loaded." "The girl didn't like the way I was driving, so she took the wheel, and I passed out." "Next thing I knew, we were in a ditch, the car rolled over a couple of times, and, uh...well, that's about the whole story." "Well, if you think that's the whole story, you got even less sense than" "You know, I thought you were just a kid who got out of line a few times." "But you're not a kid anymore." "You know the score." "Have you any idea what you pulled tonight?" "What do you mean, it's opening night, the show must go on, that routine?" "No, no." "They'll get the show on without you." "You're not that important." "You didn't hurt anybody tonight but yourself." "All right." "So I had the chance of a lifetime, and I blew it, so what?" "What's got into you?" "Who do you think you are?" "I'll tell you what you are." "You're nothing, because you've made yourself nothing, you conceited little punk." "I wouldn't care if I never saw you again." "Oh, come on now, Pop." "I heard there's a big crop of corn this year," " but" " What?" "Corn." "H-A-M." "Corn." "Did you put in a clean shirt?" "Yeah." "I got everything he needs." "Now, remember, when we get to the hospital, you promised me not to be tough with him." "He's just no good, Mother." "You should've heard him last night." "But it's not all his fault." "I found out a lot of things last night." "That Parker girl's been giving him a rough time." "I knew she was no good for him." "You can blame the girl, but everybody else blames him." "Are you gonna tell him that they want you to stay in the show?" "Sure." "It'll only be a few days." "It's down here." "Oh." "Can I help you?" "I'm Mr. Donahue." "My son is in 4" "Oh!" "I" "Is there something wrong?" "Your son isn't here." "He seems to have picked himself up last night and walked out." "He left this note for you." "Thank you." ""Dear folks," ""I'm sorry I gave you such a bad time." ""I think Pop was right." ""You'll all be better off without me." ""See you around sometime." ""Don't worry." "Love, Tim."" ""Don't worry." Ha." "That's a laugh." "You start worrying about your kids the day they're born, and you never stop." "Even after they bury you, I bet you never stop." "Of course we did everything we possibly could to find him." "Went to the police." "Checked booking offices, in case he tried to work." "Even hired detectives of our own." "Once, later on, we heard he was working under a different name with a trio down in Greenwich Village." "# Oh, Marie #" "# Time for sleepin' is done #" "# The dawn is breaking #" "# Take a peek at that sun #" "# Sweet Marie #" "# Better open your eyes #" "# You'll soon be awake #" "# Now's the time to arise #" "# Oh, Marie #" "# My broken heart #" "# My heart is #" "# Aching for you #" "# For you #" "# My sweet Ma-Ma-Marie #" "Every place you went those days, you saw more and more uniforms." "Half the world was fighting already, and the other half was rehearsing to get into it." "Even Steve had applied to go over as a chaplain." "Better wait under here, Miss Parker." "I'll only be a minute." "Thanks, Kelly." "Oh, uh..." "Kelly's getting me a cab." "May I drop you someplace?" "No, thank you." "I just thought it would give us a chance to" "Oh, that's quite all right." "There are plenty of cabs." "I'll find one." "All ready?" "I changed my mind, Molly." "I'm not going." "Aw, come on, Terry." "You can drop me off at the theater and then go over The Lamb's Club and have a few laughs." "And then I'll pick you up after the show." "We can take in a midnight movie, hmm?" "Thanks, Molly." "I'm just not up to it." "OK." "See you later." "Oh, uh, Terry," "I came across some old arrangements, the stuff we used to do with the kids." "Let's go over them tomorrow, huh?" "What for?" "Well, the actor's fund's having a benefit on the 19th." "I told you about it." "They're tearing down the Hippodrome, and they're trying to get together some of the old acts that played there." "I'm a pretty old act." "Maybe they better tear me down, too." "But they want us to be in the show." "You're kiddin', Molly." "You know I couldn't go out on a stage." "I haven't done an act since" "Oh, Terry will you stop talking this way?" "It's not gonna help anything." "What are you gonna do, spend the rest of your life moping around like this, blaming yourself?" "Look, I miss him, too." "Every day." "Every minute." "But at least I keep goin'." "How do you think I feel goin' on every night, working with that girl?" "Oh, Molly." "Come on, you're going into town with me." "Why?" "So we can walk down Broadway, and you can look into the face of every young kid that goes by?" "Terry, please." "Oh, Molly, for Pete's sake, will you stop nagging me?" "I said I'm not going, and I'm not." "And that benefit on the 19th, just figure to play it yourself because I won't be here." "Why?" "Where you going?" "I'm gonna go find him." "Where?" "How do you know where to look?" "I don't." "But I can't sit around here any longer, Molly." "I got to do something." "I" "Terry, I'll be late if I don't go now." "Promise me you won't do anything crazy." "We can talk about it when I get home." "I'll be early." "I'll skip the curtain call, OK?" "Sure, Molly." "# I'll grab him by the collar #" "# And I'll holler #" " # Ala # - # Bam' #" "Hi." "Well, hello, Molly darling." "Bobby!" "Hello, Molly!" "Heh heh!" " Oh, Mrs. Donahue." " Yes?" "You and your daughter are in, uh, 12-A." "Up these stairs to your left." "Thanks." "I'll hang your dress up back here." "Thanks, Katy." "Now, look, when she gets here, let me get things started." "I know how to handle her." "OK." "But you know how many times" "I've tried at the theater." "She just won't listen to me." "Oh, hi, Mom." "Come on in." "Here, I'll take that." "It's a little crowded in here, isn't it?" "No." "You'll have loads of room." "I've moved upstairs." "You and Vicky are sharing." "Oh, are we?" "Well, if it's all the same to you," "I'll dress in the powder room or someplace." "You'll do nothing of the kind." "I told you it wouldn't work." "It'll work." "It'll work." "Probably won't, but I'm curious." "What is it?" "Mom, I think you owe Vicky an apology." "What?" "This isn't my idea, Mrs. Donahue." "No, it isn't." "It's mine." "I think it's high time you two got things straightened out." "Ooh, so that's the plot." "Apparently, my daughter" "You are my daughter, aren't you, Mrs. Gibbs?" "I think so." "Apparently, my daughter has the idea that you and I ought to be friends." "Do you mind if I ask her what she thinks we have in common?" "It's very simple." "You both love Tim." "Oh, I see." "Aren't you a little late?" "I might be." "I hope not." "Mom, I'm crazy about you, but... but you're stubborn, and you're awfully tough." "You can't go on blaming Vicky." "It was really Tim's fault." "He did this whole thing to himself." "I was around." "I saw it." "You've gotta hear her side of it." "I'm getting out of here." "The doctor said I shouldn't get excited, and I'm all worked up." "Be a little easy, will you, Mom?" "Maybe I am tough and stubborn, Miss Parker, but from where I sit, it's pretty hard to believe that you're really in love with Tim." "I don't know how to convince you, but it's true." "Then fit Lew Harris into this pretty picture, will you?" "Lew did everything for me." "You know that." "Maybe he did have some ideas." "It doesn't mean that I shared them." "There was never anyone for me but Tim." "Too bad you didn't let him know." "I tried to, Mrs. Donahue, but he was pretty stubborn, too." "Come in." "Steve!" "Steve!" "Mom!" "Mom!" "Oh, it's so good to see you!" "You look wonderful, Father Donahue!" "Thin, but wonderful." "Oh, excuse me." "This is Tim's brother Father Donahue." "Steve, Vicky Parker." "How do you do, Miss Parker?" "I'm glad to know you, Father." "Tim used to talk about you a lot." "He was very proud of you." "Thank you." "He talked a lot about you, too." "That's nice." "Well, if you'll excuse me," "I'll find out where they have me spotted in the show." "Oh, Vicky." "Will you do me a favor?" "If you see Katy, tell her that her mother isn't stubborn." "It might take her two or three years to change her mind, but she's not stubborn." "Thanks, Mrs. Donahue." "See you later." "So that's the girl?" "Yeah." "Nice girl, too." "Your mom was wrong again." "Ha." "Why didn't you let us know you were coming?" "Mom, I didn't know myself." "The whole regiment was just handed a 24-hour pass." "Now, I knew by the papers that you're doing a show here, so" "A 24-hour pass?" "Does that mean that" "It means a 24-hour pass." "Don't you double-talk me, Steve Donahue." "Mom, I'm not supposed to say any more." "Besides, I don't know any more." "Say, shouldn't you be getting ready?" "Oh, I'm all made up." "Just have to put my dress on." "Only be a minute." "Is, uh..." "Pop back?" "No." "How did you know?" "Katy wrote me." "I wish there was some way we could help him." "Yeah." "Did, uh, Katy also write you that you're gonna be an uncle?" "Yeah." "Isn't that great?" "She booked me for the christening." "At least she and Charlie are happy." "Any news about Tim?" "Not a word." "It's over a year, Steve." "Even the detectives have given up." "I still believe he'll be back, Mom." "I'm not so sure." "Sometimes I think we'll..." "never see him again." "Mom... don't lose faith." "I don't always think that, Steve." "Just sometimes." "You're on next, Mrs. Donahue." "Five minutes." "Be right with you." "You wanna watch from the wings?" "Yeah." "That'll be great." "OK, I'll fix it." "# There's no business like show business #" "# Like no business I know #" "# Everything about it is appealing #" "# Everything the traffic will allow #" "# Nowhere could you get that happy feeling #" "# When you are stealing that extra bow #" "# There's no people like show people #" "# They smile when they are low #" "# Yesterday they told you you would not go far #" "# That night you open #" "# And there you are #" "# Next day, on your dressing room #" "# They've hung a star #" "# Let's go on with the show #" "# The costumes, the scenery #" "# The makeup, the props #" "# The audience that lifts you when you're down #" "# The headaches, the heartaches #" "# The backaches, the flops #" "# The sheriff who escorts you out of town #" "# The opening when your heart beats #" "# Like a drum #" "# The closing #" "# When the customers don't come #" "# There's #" "# No business like show business #" "# Like no business I know #" "# You get word before the show has started #" "# That your favorite uncle died at dawn #" "# On top of that, your pa and ma have parted #" "# You're broken-hearted #" "# But you go on #" "# There's no people like show people #" "# They smile when they are low #" "Mom." "# Even with a turkey #" "# That you know will fold #" "# You may be stranded out in the cold #" "# Still you wouldn't change it #" "# For a sack of gold #" "# Let's go on with the show #" "# Let's go #" "# On with the #" "# Show #" "Tim!" "Darling!" "Oh, why did you do it, Tim, why?" "Well, I had to, Mom." "I had to work things out for myself." "Oh!" "Where's Pop?" "Oh, he's...he's..." "Here, son." "Terry!" "Hello, Pop." "Oh, Tim." "Oh, Terry!" "Hi, Molly." "Will you look at the woman?" "You'd think I was the one who'd been lost." "Please, Mrs. Donahue." "We're dead out there." "You're supposed to lead us into the big number." "Oh, yes." "I'm sorry." "I'll be right with you." "Somebody give me their handkerchief." "Here." "I got one." "All right, now, you all hold it." "I'll take care of this." "Just stand back." "Ladies and gentlemen, first I want to thank you for being so patient." "My wife got just a little excited." "You see, the last time we played this wonderful old theater was the last time that The Five Donahues appeared together as an act." "Well, after that, lots of things happened, and... well, that's just the way it was until... just now, backstage when The Five Donahues got together again." "And because we're kind of sentimental about this old theater, we'd like to do a little bit of" "Alexander's Ragtime Band, the number we did when we played here." "Thank you." "Ladies and gentlemen, The Five Donahues." "# Come on and hear, come on and hear #" "# Alexander's Ragtime Band #" "# Come on and hear, come on and hear #" "# It's the best band in the land #" "# And if you care to hear the Swanee River #" "# Played in ragtime #" "# Come on and hear, come on and hear #" "# Alexander's Ragtime #" "# That raggy beat, gets in your feet #" "# Come on and meet #" "# Alexander's #" "# Ragtime Band #" "# There's no business like show business #" "# There's no business #" "# That's half so thrilling #" "# The cowboys, the tumblers, the wrestlers, the clowns #" "# The roustabouts that move the show at dawn #" "# The music, the spotlights, the people, the towns #" "# The thrill of that applause when you go on #" "# You're standing out in front on opening nights #" "# And there's your billing right up there in lights #" "# There's no people like show people #" "# They smile when they are low #" "# Even with a turkey that you know will fold #" "# You may be stranded out in the cold #" "# Still you wouldn't change it #" "# For a sack of gold #" "# You go on with the show #" "# There's no business like show business #" "# Like no business I know #" "# Everything about it is appealing #" "# Everything the traffic will allow #" "# Nowhere can you get that happy feeling #" "# When you are stealing that extra bow #" "# There's no people like show people #" "# They smile when they are low #" "# Yesterday they told you you would not go far #" "# That night you open, and there you are #" "# Next day, on your dressing room #" "# They've hung a star #" "# Let's go on with the show #" "# Let's go #" "# On with the #" "# No business like show business #" "# Let's go, go on with the show #"