"J.B., You need to relax with the Elmer's." "Do I look like I enjoy being covered in white goo?" "Miss Hauser?" "Enough." "This is a free study period, not a free-for-all." "What is it, Veronica?" "Mr. Pope said you have some decorations for the F.B.L.A. booth?" "J.B.?" "Could you go get the hills?" "Who, me?" "Help her?" "She's my Nemesis." "His Nemesis?" "Um, did we break up?" "Now, that is amazing." "Dude, check it man!" "Do I need to remind you that next week's exam is worth 30% of your grade?" "One of these days my ship is going to come in, and I will not have to deal with this nonsense." "So, what?" "Only the kids playing with the scissors and the glue can talk?" "Your student council is working very hard to raise money for your senior trip." "Their senior trip." "The rest of us want to go to Magic Mountain." "It's Catalina, and you're crazy." "I am not spending my senior trip watching you hurl hot dog and orange drink off "batman the ride."" "Better watch your back, veronica." "Because you're going to crush me with hideous fake hills?" "Uh, no, the Kane scholarship." "I'm 3100 of points behind you." "What wonderful mountains, Madison." "Thank you, mrs." "Hauser." "Oh, Madison, you have a little..." "What, brown?" "Because I'm a brown-noser?" "No... glitter." "Because you're a fairy princess." "How lucky am I that I got Terrence Cook to sign that ball for me before he blew up my classmates?" "It's gonna be worth so much more than that napkin O.J. signed for me at the claim jumper." "Jackie." "Jackie, hey, wait up." "Sorry." "I was distracted by the pitchforks and torches." "So how are you?" "I'm wondering if this counts as my 15 minutes of fame." "And if so, what does the child of an alleged murderer wear to winter carnival?" "No one expects you to go, Jackie." "French club does." "We volunteered, remember?" "Je saute, vous sautez!" "You're not really going." "Even you're not that tacky." "School carnival?" "Me, you, in the shake shack, doing a little "you're the one that I want"?" "I am so there." "It's not a freak show." "You being there will ruin everything." "That's my plan..." "ruin everything." "He said he's in such pain he can't get out of bed." "Three times my kid said he saw him at the speed zone, at the go-kart track." "Have you ever tried climbing into one of those little cars?" "I'm not paying this guy a dime." "I'm still waiting on the facts from the insurance company." "I don't have an appointment." "I was hoping you'd have time for a consultation." "I will, if you don't mind waiting." "I can wait." "Who wants some pie?" "Two by two." "Apparently you can only enter the carnival as if it were the ark." "Slushies!" "Get your ice-cold frozen sugar water." "You had me at "ice-cold."" "What's your poison?" "Oh, emotionally unavailable women." "Let's see." "Uh, I want something that suits my mood." "Ooh, I'm sorry." "We're all out of liquid evil." "I'll take two of whatever will turn my tongue blue." "Hot date?" "Rain check?" "A night with the fellas." "You know how it is." "Pies!" "Pep squad pies!" "Boy, people really love pep squad pie." "It's genius." "Madison's dad gives her 40 bucks to buy a pie from some chichi bakery, and then drops three bills to buy it back in front of a live studio audience." "He loves her." "Oh, the rich." "How they mock you." "There's a $50 bill?" "Yeah, I had it made special." "Oh, the Hoi Polloi." "They don't know what they want until they have it." "Hi." "Okay, you want 50 balloons or some popcorn and ice cream?" "Balloons." "You say that now." "Then it's, "oh, uncle Eli, I'm so hungry."" "Thanks." "There you go." "Sorry." "I thought that was your head." "I am so good at this game, bro." "Shooting in a clown's mouth." "Your future's bright, Dick." "Dude, am I drunk?" "No, dude, you're just special." "Well, why is the Beav all snuggly with that chick from "Ghost World"?" "This school genuinely sucks." "True that." "Oh Madison." "Oh hi." "Thank you, Madison." "Sorry." "I got a little slammed." "Can I have the keys for your class?" "The, uh, sign for the bounce house is falling down." "I should grab the staple gun." "Thank you, J.B." "He's so reliable." "It's a little sticky..." "Good job." "Here, hold on to this." "It's not a carnival until somebody shows butt cheek." "I'm out here with my special lady friend, and I got to see that." "Not a big fan of the Tritons' annual tuck and run?" "May I have the cash box, please?" "If this day gets any crazier... yeah, so, it's gone." "What are you talking about?" "I just gave it to you." "And I put it in there, and now it's gone." "In less than three minutes," "Veronica Mars has lost all the senior trip money." "Is that a record?" "Sync by vNaru" "A senior tradition, 30 years in the making." "You, young lady, owe Neptune High school $12,000." "There was $12,000 in there?" "Why are we standing here chatting?" "She should be searched." "It's a metal box, this big." "Where exactly do you think I hid it?" "The box was locked." "If you make everyone exit through the metal detectors, no one will be able to leave with it." "And if they find a way to open it?" "You should make sure the shops are locked, any classroom with tools, the janitor's closet." "It was locked up before the carnival started." "It's not my first day." "Yes sir?" "I want the metal detectors to be moved to the exit." "And we're going to have to start searching the lockers..." "Immediately." "You want to save yourself some time?" "Start with hers." "We all saw her, lurking around." "Lurking?" "Uh, you mean standing while black?" "She told me earlier today she had a plan to ruin everything." "You know, there are plenty of people with notorious parents who turn out to be decent people." "Don't think you have an excuse." "So, I'm not actually leaping frogs myself?" "I'll try anything once." "Except that." "Ooh, you cheeky... uh, you don't take physics, do you?" "I have a tattoo of Newton's second law right on my heart." "You want to see?" "Right here." "You get three tries." "Oh, you're so accommodating." "How about a little support, ladies?" "What?" "And I suppose you're fantastic at this." "Excuse me." "Ladies, a little support?" "Oh, my god, I'm so sorry!" "Oh, I can't believe you fell for that." "I think I should get a prize just for being so entertaining." "Yeah, well, I wasn't all that entertained." "If you want a prize, frog on a lily pad." "I'd like the pink bunny, please." "What's your name?" "Hannah." "Well, I'm naming my bunny after you, Hannah." "Actually, name it Logan." "It will break my heart." "Hey." "Who's your date?" "This is Ophelia, my niece." "This is Veronica." "Nice backpack." "You like the Powerpuff Girls, huh?" "Which one is this?" "She's the one that's not shaped like a metal cash box." "They start moving metal detectors around, Veronica, you think the word's not gonna spread?" "Why don't you just open it up already?" "You know, your case must really suck if your prime suspect is a 6-year-old." "The sheriff is using me as a scapegoat." "And if there's anyone fit to take on the sheriff's department, it's you." "I read your book, mr." "Mars." "I couldn't put it down." "Yeah, well, if you read it carefully, you might remember the famous guy went to jail in the end of that one?" "Look, the sheriff sees me as Woody's ally." "I spent the last three months speaking to the minority population on behalf of his incorporation plan." "Now, if that goes through, sheriff Ensley gets turned into the hayseed who hands out speeding tickets on the way into town." "So Lamb made his point." "He leaned on you." "Big deal." "He's never gonna file charges unless he's got some kind of hard evidence." "Well, I had gone out to the park to talk to Woody about my doing the color commentary on the short broadcast this year." "There was a group from Neptune High." "And I signed a bunch of baseballs, jerseys." "So?" "Lamb's forensic specialists found cellphone and baseball fragments embedded in the driver's body." "He thinks I planted a bomb in the bag, that I detonated by calling the cellphone." "And I need you to prove that I didn't make that call, that I had nothing to do with that crash." "What you doing back there, Mackie?" "Keeping Beaver company." "That sounds fun." "That's 'cause it is." "The f'ing machine's broken." "The ice is jammed." "Just break it up with the screwdriver." "Great." "I just lent it to Jackie." "Jackie asked to borrow a screwdriver?" "Do you know where she went?" "No." "She was just here." "There she is." "Jackie?" "What are you doing?" "Changing into my bathing suit." "That doesn't usually require a screwdriver." "No, it usually doesn't." "Like putting on a bikini isn't stressful enough." "It really looked like..." "I know what it looked like." "Why are you wearing a bathing suit?" "Didn't you hear?" "I won." "Before I was the demonized offspring of a mass murderer," "I signed up for the dunk tank." "You know, you get a jar, and whoever gets the most money gets dunked." "I went from a week of having the $3 I put in for myself to having almost $400." "Go figure." "Jackie." "Really, you're wasting your time trying to prove something to these people." "Yeah." "And when people thought the worst of your dad, you just took it lying down, right?" "Hey, are you sure you want to do this?" ""Want" might be stretching it." "Hey, it's my senior trip, too." "Time to take one for the team." "One of my friends was on that bus." "Hey, Jackie." "What do you think your dad would think of my curve ball?" "He'd say it's weak." "In the spirit of a full client-investigator disclosure," "I'm not offering you this beer out of the goodness of my heart." "You're not?" "Nope." "I'm fulfilling a long-time fantasy of sharing a cold one with my favorite ballplayers." "And after we're done, we're gonna play catch in the parking lot." ""Favorite," huh?" "I saw you pitch three times in triple-a, back when you were 19." "I mean, there wasn't much to do in fresno as a 22-year-old deputy." "I never saw you give up a run." "After that, I followed everything you did in the bigs, your whole career." "Well, in that case, here's to hoping I've still got a career when this is all through." "Now that I've come clean, maybe you want to tell me about your relationship with the journalism teacher." "Miss Dumass, I believe her name is." "Right." "Here's a picture of you two looking rather intimate." "I'm sorry about your loss, mr." "Cook." "But you're gonna need to be a lot more up-front with me if you want me to work for you." "Here's the windup." "Okay that was weird." "Check out this one." "Here it comes, Jackie." "Just a bit outside." "Man, I suck at this." "All right, that's enough." "Next!" "Sorry, Wallace." "Y'all are cool, man." "Real cool." "Thanks" " Here you go." " Thank you!" "So, are we winning?" "What?" "I feel like we're in a contest with all the other couples... who can hold hands the longest?" "I just don't want to lose you in the crowd." "Hey, aren't you gonna introduce us?" "Wow, you guys are cute." "Aren't they?" "Like gerbils in love." "Dick, don't." "Chill, Beav." "I get to give the big brother speech here." "Just looking out for you." "You don't have to worry." "He's fine." "Yeah?" "In good hands?" "Because you've got to take it easy on my bro." "If you're gonna pop his cherry, hold back a little." "You are such an ass." "Don't go busting out any tricks." "Gentle and sweet." "You don't want to spook him." "Like right now, I know his hands are just dripping with sweat, and you are so completely grossed out." "But you're hanging in, and I dig that." "Oop, see how it just slipped right out?" "Got to work on that, bro." " There you go." " Thank you!" "Hey!" "Hey." "I'm sorry." "Did you want that?" "No, I bought it for you." "Oh, you are sweet." "So, I couldn't help but notice that you are separated from the herd." "And I'm concerned... you know, predators and all that." "I can take care of myself." "Well, that's a shame." "Dude." "Okay." "Boy, that sounds so unnatural coming from you." "I say "dude" all the time." "Nope, I don't buy it." "You know, you're, like," "I don't know, like the hot daughter of a king that he marries off to get like, Denmark or something." "You mean a princess." "I'm only ever gonna call you princess now." "No, you're not." "Princess." "I am." "My friend Dick's working the slushie booth." "We should go pay him a visit." "He's all about the royals." "I can't." "I'm here with my friends." "So?" "Go tell them you want to play with me for a little while." "What makes you think I want to?" "What makes you think it's a good idea to pretend you don't?" "Cool." "Hey!" "Wow." "You're almost turning blue." "Next time I tell you to stay home, listen." "Well, I don't see no sign saying this is just for kids." "You see any signs?" "I want that snake." "You gonna let me in there or what?" "We have to empty the ball pit." "What?" "It's the perfect place, right in the middle of everything." "Whoever stole the cash box could have just dumped it there." "We have to empty it." "And if you're wrong?" "And that's the last of it." "Why would you even consider listening to her?" "Principal... and you're taking directions from a teenage girl." "Sorry." "I'm really sorry about this." "We're gonna fill it back up." "Veronica Mars, you are just trouble, all caps, underlined, written in bold..." "Tanya Flynn has been filming tonight for the video yearbook." "Apparently she has footage that should prove to be interesting." "One of your classmates was filming tonight for the video yearbook." "Those of you we've asked to join us were in the vicinity of the cash box, right before the unfortunate streaking incident." "Your lockers are being searched as we speak." "Even if you found money, there's really no way of proving that it's the stolen money." "Not a lot of people carry 12 grand on them." "Uh, I never leave the house without at least 13." "Yeah, me either." "Actually, I got a $50 bill when I was working the slushie booth." "It had the name "Nancy"" "in black marker across the back, along with a phone number." "That's one way to know if it's the cash-box money." "So are we gonna get to see the video?" "Look at Jackie." "See?" "She's hiding something in her jacket." "That was my gym bag with my bathing suit and towel." "You're not getting away with anything, Missy." "I don't care what your zip code is." "Trash is trash." "Mark my words." "Look, just so you know, I take all my dates here." "I don't want you to think you're special or anything." "Uh, this isn't a date." "Um, I bought you a drink." "And I won you a stuffed animal." "Check your dictionary, princess." "I haven't had a date yet." "I'm kind of holding out for something special." "Wow, you are a princess." "Oh, look at him." "Have I taught him nothing?" "He's like some neutered eunuch nerd drone." ""Bambi gasm. " Of the Boston gasms?" "One would hope." "It was supposed to be the final fling." "The next thing I know, I'm living "Fatal Attraction"." "She didn't even tell me that she was applying for the teaching job at Neptune until she got it and moved here." "Then she started threatening me." "She said if I didn't end things with my fiancée, that she would." "Well, she did." "She told your fiancée?" "And the wedding was off." "A secret tumultuous relationship with a teacher who died in the crash?" "It seems like more of a motive than supporting Woody's plans for incorporation, don't you think?" "Whoa, sorry, but I can't let you frisk me." "She's at an impressionable age." "Remember when you and your buddy, Logan, spindled our teacher's car?" "How did that work?" "I'm not big on power tools, but" "I'm thinking that might involve some type of saw?" "I don't know why you bother fishing here." "You got a question, ask it." "You seem to know a way to get into auto shop after hours." "It's suspicious." "Well, then you're suspicious of a lot of people." "All the guys who take shop make copies of mr." "Dalton's keys." "This is not how I thought I'd be spending my evening." "It's the $50 bill with "Nancy" written on it." "But there's only about... $3,000 here." "What?" "Well, they probably hid the rest of it somewhere else, right?" "Or spent it already." "Let me see that class list." "Locker 19." "Eduardo Verozco." "Is he a freshman?" "Senior." "He goes by the name of Thumper." "I don't even want to know what he uses this for." "Can I see that for a second?" "If only they'd put that kind of effort into their schoolwork." "I'll take that." "What?" "It was a bummer when Clemmons took my keys." "Of course, it made the 20 bucks I dropped having them copied, a sound investment." "Mrs. Hauser may have seen an ill-conceived cutting board." "I saw tagging." "I saw code." "License plates." "Great news." "You didn't steal the senior trip money." "Uh, good to know." "Hey." "I'm about to watch mrs." "Hauser squirm in her own personal hell." "If you're not doing anything..." "Great." "What kind of senior trip can we have with $3,000?" "Look who I found." "Ms. Trashy trash." "We marked your words before." "And I don't know if you know this, but they formed this, like, totally false accusation." "I know... "yikes. " I figured you might welcome the opportunity to apologize." "You didn't steal the money." "I'm sorry." "Totally worth it." "Oh, I found this in a copy machine." "Where did you get this?" "This is my exam." "In... the... copy machine." "Am I still speaking english?" "What were you doing at the copy machine?" "Making coffee." "This exam is locked up in my filing cabinet." "Not anymore." "The only question now is, who had access?" "Who knows your code to the copy machine?" "Just my student aide." "Perhaps when he borrowed your keys?" "She's trying to sabotage me." "I am, like, this close to beating her out for the Kane scholarship." "This is just like the stuff that she does." "She planted it." "And for my next trick," "I will take J.B. Into the hallway, whisper a few magic words, and, when we return, he'll confess." "Yeah." "Yeah, that will happen." "Don't oversell it, J.B. People will think you're a mark." "Step right this way." "Pretty bold move, making a copy of mrs." "Hauser's test right under her nose." "Oh, wow." "Yeah, I confess." "But you knew she'd be distracted, didn't you?" "You knew there would be streakers at precisely 4:00 P.M., didn't you?" "Did you forget that I took pictures of last year's Triton initiation?" "I made a promise to a certain Triton that his secret was safe." "But he's long gone." "Uh, that still doesn't prove..." "I'll bet if we check the copy machine log, it will tell us that copies were made with mrs." "Hauser's code, say, 4:03, 4:04 P.M." "Should I call them over?" "You're bluffing." "The copy machine can't do that." "Well, here's your choice." "You can call my bluff, and we'll all find out exactly what the copy machine can do." "Of course, if you choose that option," "I'm posting this Tritons photo on your home page." "I've heard what happens to Tritons who reveal their secrets." "I don't have a home page." "You will." "Then there's option two... confession." "Reveal your secret powers." "I stole the test." "Ta-da!" "Did she threaten you, J.B.?" "Don't let her scare you." "If you didn't steal that test, then you shouldn't..." "No." "No." "I stole it." "What are you doing?" "Get down from there!" "Miss Mars." "This isn't a sweater." "All right, cash!" "How did you know?" "How did you know to look up there?" "I have to say..." "I grossly underestimated the usefulness of glitter." "Look at that." "Practically a perfect footprint." "It shouldn't be too hard to find." "There are not that many people who wear heels to a carnival." "Would you mind lifting up your foot, mrs." "Hauser?" "You know, I've been walking in that glitter all day." "You can see it's everywhere around my desk." "So your shoes were very fancy when you were skimming off the top of the cash box." "My guess is mrs." "Hauser helped herself to a few bills long before she ever gave me the money." "Maybe we should take this into my office." "This would be a prime example of why I consider the advice of... some of my students." "Buck up, Maddie." "Senior trip is back on, sister." "6 grand." "We're Magic Mountain-bound." "Oh." "You know there's a ride called "The Viper", right?" "Isn't that, like, your mother ship?" "Mrs. Hauser, Thumper, J.B." "Is there anyone here that isn't a thief or a cheat?" "Madison!" "What you up to, girl?" "You feel like heading to my car for a quickie?" "I've moved on to older men, Dick." "Fewer quickies, more longies." "The bad thing about thigh-highs." "Yeah." "There's nothing bad about thigh-highs." "I'm waiting to pick up my daughter." "You mean your sister." "I mean my stepdaughter." "I tend to marry older men." "Then I mess around with the younger ones." "Nice." "You know, I have about another half-hour to kill." "I get the feeling that you're fantastic at killing time." "Oh, yeah." "Would you stop trying to hold my hand?" "Save it for the date, will you?" "My ride is picking me up here." "So I guess I'll see you saturday." "Mm-hmm." "I'll call you." "Okay." "Just in case you don't kiss on the first date." "Hey, daddy." "What the hell was that?" "What is that?" "!" "What do you call yours?" "You hit me, and you'll suffer worse." "I promise you." "You remember Sally?" "Would that you could spit out the memories." "You knocked the hell out of that ball." "I'm in the stands." "I'm climbing over people." "I'm under the seats." "And by the time I got it," "I was covered in old beer and mustard and bruised and battered." "It is not easy being a fan." "Three career home runs, and you got one of them." "Unbelievable." "Oh, I think I need to call a cab." "I'll come pick up my car tomorrow." "Uh, I just want to be sure." "Are you, uh, you taking my case?" "That depends." "Is there anything else you need to tell me?" "I can't think of anything." "Well, I'm afraid I can't." "Why is that?" "Because you're not coming clean with me." "What?" "I've told you everything." "I never bet on baseball." "I got a guy in a holding cell back there." "He says you did favors for gentlemen who bet extensively on baseball." "Is there anything you don't know?" "Leslie was at my place when two goons broke in..." "Fitzpatricks, you know them?" "I do." "Well, they were trying to collect some money, and Leslie overheard something that would ruin me." "No endorsements, no hall of fame." "She said if I ever left her, she'd sell her story to a magazine." "What could possibly be that bad?" "Well, I guess there's nothing else to say but good night." "I have a gambling problem." "I'm aware of that." "I got in pretty deep." "I had to do some things that I'm not proud of." "Terrence, we can dance around this all night." "I threw a game." "It was game 4 of the A.L.C.S." "A 3-run homer baylor hit off me." "70-mile-per-hour curveball." "Didn't break." "Pure meat." "Leslie heard all about it." "And that pitch, it erased millions in debt." "That was when baseball players, they didn't make what they make today." "I was almost at that game." "But Veronica gets the chicken pox." "I was glued to the tv, with my jersey and my foam finger, a grown man." "Pretty silly, huh?" "You know what's even more silly?" "The superstitious fan in me," "I thought we lost that game because I wasn't there." "I even felt a little guilty, like I let you guys down." "Then I thought, there's always next year." "You guys never made it back." "I'm $50 an hour plus expenses." "You'll take my case?" "Why?" "You're Terrence Cook." "You wouldn't kill a bus full of kids." "I still believe that." "I've got a funny story for you." "I call it "how Weevil got his new car."" "Well, are there pictures?" "Because I'm a little slow." "Remember that whole thing with Nancy's number on the $50 bill?" "Yeah, I made it up." "You got some skill, girl." "The sheriff let your buddy, Thumper, go." "The bag of pills you planted..." "ephedrine." "There is one thing I can't figure out, and it's pretty much driving me insane." "I know you broke Thumper's lock, just took off your own and put it on Thumper's locker." "But I don't know how you did it." "Where did you hide the cash box?" "The two places you looked for it." "The cash box was in my niece's backpack." "Then she went into the ball pit, stashed the box." "We got the third degree from you, like I didn't know that was coming." "Then she went back in and got the box." "While I was having the ball pit drained, you were planting cash and ephedrine in Thumper's locker." "Well, I had to go back later and add the incriminating $50 bill." "So when you rented "The Thomas Crown Affair," McQueen or Brosnan?" "Is it your undying love for me or just good old-fashioned lust?" "Qué?" "That kept you from turning me in?" "Love... of roller coasters." "And hatred of anything that requires me to tie a sweater over my shoulders and be at sea with my classmates." "Nothing to do with you."