"[Mouse squeaks]" "[Penguins wenk]" "[All cheering]" "[Screeches]" "♪ Adventure Time ♪" "♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪" "♪ We'll go to very distant lands ♪" "♪ With Jake the Dog and Finn the Human ♪" "♪ The fun will never end ♪" "♪ It's Adventure Time ♪ Ripped By mstoll" "[humming]" "[Yawns]" " Good morning, Princess!" " Aah!" "Finn, you scared me!" "I am sorry, Princess!" "What are you doing here, Finn?" "Since I got out of my last relationship," "I've been slacking on the job." "So I'm rededicating my life to protecting, serving, and meeting your every need." "Jake said I was acting bananas about the whole thing and wanted no part of this." "It's 5:30 in the morning." "That's right, Princess." "I'm getting back on the job hard-core, giving 100% of my being, all for you." "Thank you." "That's very nice." "No need to thank me, PB." "It's my job." "Heh." "Thank you." "How am I doing at my job, Princess?" "Am I crushing it?" "Yes, but can you move just a bit?" "No, no, like..." "out of the way." "Oh!" "Okay, what else do I need?" "Aw, dang it." "I forgot we're out of milk." "Now I have to go get it fr..." "B-B-B-B-Buh!" "I got it!" "[Panting]" "Hyah!" "[Panting continues]" "[Panting]" "[Grunts]" "Milk." "You wanted milk." "Finn, I thought you went home." "Yes." "I do regret the slow return." "But I assure you, this is the highest quality milk available." "[Breathes heavily]" "It's mink's milk." "I milked a mink." "100% dedication." "No limits to what I'd do for you." "I'd throw Peppermint Butler off this balcony if you asked." "Sorry, Peppermint Butler." "Just joking, but kinda sorta not." "You're really going over the top here." "Take it easy." "Princess' orders." "Okay, I'll just rest here." "No, no." "Resting on the job is not resting." "Go somewhere where you can relax." "Yes, Princess." "[Grunts]" "Hyah!" "[Grunting]" "♪ Princess, I give ma life to you, girl ♪" "♪ You are the best dang Princess in the whole wide world ♪" "Hup!" "Hup!" "Hup!" "Hmm." "Wow, PB." "Sure is a nice day to be outside." "Hey, watch what you say about PB, bro!" "Talk garbage about PB one more time, bro... see what happens!" "Hold on one sec, PB." "I got to deal with a real tough guy over here." "[Shing!" "]" "You got one last chance to apologize before I dishonor you like you did m'lady." "All right, bro, have it your way." "Hyah!" "Where's your pants, bro?" "!" "Where's your honor now?" "!" "Everyone's laughing at your undies." "It's real uncomfortable." "What's up?" "!" "[Chuckles]" "[Shing!" "]" "Heh." "Whoa!" "Wowzers!" "[Gasps] No!" "Did you drop this car on m'lady, bro?" "!" "Leave this dump now." "[Coughs]" "You dropped a car on m'lady, bro." "Now I gotta restore her honor." "Hope you're wearing underwear." "[Shing!" "]" "Huh?" "Uh!" "[Shing!" "]" "[Gasps] Whoa." "Dude's got awesome powers." "Hey, dude, you got awesome powers!" "[Shing!" "]" "Ra-a-a-a-a-a-a-h!" "[Groans]" "You gonna kill me, bro?" "No... instead I will pluck out your eyes with the point of my sword and whenever you try to see stuff, you will think only of me..." "Rattleballs!" "Aaaah!" "Do it!" "I ain't a baby!" "Do it, bro-o-o-o!" "[Shing!" "]" "[Panting]" "[Laughs]" "You have a warrior's spirit... [coughs] ...something I haven't seen in a long time." "But your swordsmanship is pbht!" "You should learn to master your weapon before you draw it." "What?" "You're just gonna tell me I'm terrible and walk away?" "!" "Teach me sword stuff, man!" "[Farts, coughs]" "[Coughs]" "I know you're back there." "I brought you a muffin." "I don't eat muffins." "I'm a robot." "[Coughs]" "Look, I know you don't know me and we got off on the wrong foot, but please, dude, teach me how to use the sword." "Ple-e-e-ase." "[Coughs]" " You okay?" " No." "When I was a young robot, I went horseback riding... no one taught me how to post." "The horse took a crazy jump, and I came down on the saddle hard." "One of my gumballs bounced up inside me... it's been lodged in a weird spot for years." "Oh." "Here..." "Errr!" "Eh..." "More to the left..." "Getting closer..." "Closer!" "Hoh!" "You got it!" "[Laughs]" "Thank you!" " Yeah." "Perhaps you feel a sense of indebted obligation to me?" "Yes, I will teach you the sword stuff." "Lesson one... block my eggs." "Yut." "Yut." "Ha!" "Got one!" "[Laughs]" "Egg-cellent!" "Whoa!" "Ooh!" "[Shing!" "] Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Yeah!" "That's right." "I can take it." "Yeaaaah!" "[Eggs breaking]" "You have done well today." "You've felt the sting of the yolk, endured the sizzle of the mini BBQ." "Perhaps you are ready to learn my secret technique." "Secret technique!" "Watch." "[Shing!" "]" "What the?" "!" "The shadowless thrust." "Your blade must be swift enough to slice the air between you and the target, removing all wind resistance." "Now you try." "[Sword whooshing]" "Again." "[Whooshing continues]" "So, am I a master swordsman now?" "You will be, if you train this hard every day... for 10 years..." "And get a robot body." "Oh." "So, uh, why you livin' in this dump?" "You should be out in the world saving' fancy ladies and junk." "That, my friend, is a long tale... which I will tell you now." "It was a much wilder time in the Candy Kingdom." "I was a member of an elite robot police force created by Princess Bubblegum." "Her previous attempts at law enforcement had been a bunch of goofs." "Stop him!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Our righteous swords cut a swath through the chaos." "But we were too successful." "Unfortunately, we were still programmed for violence." "[Indistinct conversations]" "[Bell dings]" "[Shing!" "Shing!" "]" "[Robots cheering]" "Oh!" "One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two." "Okay, robots, all the number ones go stand on that platform over there." "And all the number twos just turn around and face the wall." "And no peeking." "RATTLEBALLS:" "We were programmed to follow her commands 100%." "But through sheer force of will..." "Nnnnnng!" "...I was able to overcome it." "We had been judged too dangerous to stay operational and sentenced to death." "Number twos, chop, chop." "[Grunting]" "I alone escaped... while my compatriots became minimalist furniture." "Ah, sorry." "I've lived as a fugitive in this junkyard ever since." "That is why you must never tell Princess Bubblegum about me." "If she ever found out... she would have me destroyed." "Rattleballs is still what?" "!" "He asked me not to tell you, but I could not break my oath to serve you m'lady, 100%." "Captain Root Beer Guy, assemble my guard." "[Sighs]" "Hello, Princess." "FINN:" "Sorry, Ree-B-Z." "My oath to the Princess comes first." "But once you two talk it out, she'll see you mean no harm." "Banana guards, destroy!" " So be it." " Wait!" "Cha-a-a-a-rge!" "Wee-ooo!" "Wee-ooo!" "Ugh!" "Cha-a-a-a-a-r... [guards groan]" "Rattleballs!" "[Shing!" "]" "R. B., don't!" "You think I'm dangerous, Princess?" "Dang right I do!" "You killed all my banana guards!" "No, Princess, look!" "They're only bruised." "[Guards groaning]" "Hey, you hit me." "I no longer crave mindless violence." "I have found peace in meditation, gardening... egg throwing." "I hope time has also made you less bloodthirsty, Princess." "But do with me as you will." "In my heart, I still serve you... 100%." "TV:" "Bigger pimples mean bigger dimples, so mash up your mush..." "BUBBLEGUM:" "Ahem..." "Okay, everybody." "I took care of Rattleballs." "Ooh, wow." "Cool." "Show's back on." "Everything's settled." "I don't have to go back on my order, and you can protect the kingdom from the shadows." "Thank you, Princess." "That's marginally better than hiding in a dump." "[Sighs]" "Wait." " Hmm?" " I dub thee..." "Sir Rattleballs!" "♪ Come along with me ♪" "♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪" "♪ We can wander through the forest ♪" "♪ And do so as we please ♪" "♪ Come along with me ♪" "♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪" "This party is so crazy!" "Ripped By mstoll"