"♪ Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom!" "♪" "♪ Raised in a noodle shop ♪" "♪ never seeking glory or fame ♪" "♪ he climbed the mountain top ♪" "♪ and earned the Dragon Warrior name. ♪" "♪ Hu!" "Ah!" "Ya!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom ♪" "♪ and master the skills of bodacious and awesome ♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda. ♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- doom-doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ He lives, he trains ♪" "♪ and he fights with the Furious Five ♪" "♪ protect the valley somethin' somethin' ♪" "♪ somethin' somethin' alive ♪" "♪ Oh!" "Ah!" "Uh!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda ♪" "♪ Legends of awesomeness. ♪" "Sweet!" "..: 1x23" " Love Stings :.." "[grunts] [laughs nervously] [grunts]" "Dad!" "I got your... ooh!" "Ooh." "Stuff." "[grunts]" "Hello?" "[grunts]" "Okay. just gotta do a little squeezy squeeze action here." "[struggling noises]" "Need to work on my..." "[grunts] squeezy squeeze." "Po!" "What are you doing?" "Just, uh, hanging." "Stop goofing around." "The autumn festival's in a week, and we need to bake moon cakes!" "[popping sound] Ah!" "Dad, I, uh..." "I'm kinda too busy to help this year, you know?" "than baking 2,700 moon cakes?" "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." "And making enough scratch to get that deluxe spatula" "I've had my eye on?" "[choral singing]" "I don't know." "Maybe, like, being the most bodacious warrior in the land, responsible for the safety of all who reside in the Valley of peace." "Oh!" "That reminds me." "Your autumn festival clown costume!" "[sighs]" "Goodie goodie." "[giggles]" "Oh, so happy!" "Dad." "Dragon warrior." "Me." "I can't be the autumn festival clown anymore." "And I don't have time to help you make moon cakes!" "Okay?" "[laughs]" "Why are you laughing?" "It's that costume!" "So funny." "[groans]" "Mm." "Not so funny now." "Fine, Po." "Don't worry about your poor old dad, working his wings to the bone." "Go!" "Go." "Go have your fun." "[sighs] Not fun, Dad." "Dragon warrior business." "Serious stuff." "[yelling gleefully]" "Whoa!" "Monkey, get ready for the..." "whoa." "Whoa." "[pants] Dizzy." "Ha!" "Ooh." "Ah!" "Oh!" "Whoa." "Heh...uh, whoa!" "Ah!" "Ooh. [laughs]" "Ki-cha!" "Wha... ooh!" "[laughter] [gagging sounds] [retching]" "Except for that puking part, that might've been the best idea we've ever had." "[yelling]" "Wh... ah!" "Oh, yeah." " Ah!" "Wh..." " Uh!" "Wow, you're really getting good at dizzy kung fu." " Huh!" " Oh!" "Ah, you can't fight the dizzy." "You gotta use the dizzy." "See, if I aim over there, then I hit over here." "[grunts]" "Cool, huh?" "[gasps] Dad!" "Humph." "Official Dragon warrior business, huh?" "And this is why you leave me all alone?" "Humph." "Dad, wait." "[sighs]" "I think Dad's gotten lonely since I moved out." "And I guess I've sorta been ditching him lately." "A lot." "Ditch your dad?" "That's mean." " You're mean!" " No, I'm not!" "It's just..." "I'm dragon warrior now." "I have my own life, and I... he..." "I..." "he... oh." "[sighs] Maybe I am mean... ish." "You should make it up to him." "Get him something to keep him company." "Like a plant." "Or a drawing of a mountain." "[gasps] That's it!" " You're getting him a plant?" " No..." "A girlfriend!" "Read it." ""Business owner." "Father of Dragon warrior."" ""Seeks full-time girlfriend." "No old goats need apply."" "And let the ladies pour in." "Uh, Dad?" "Humph." "Uh, sorry I haven't been around much." "Oh, that's okay, son." "I know you have important Dragon warrior business to attend to like upchucking with your monkey friend." "Yeah." "[chuckles]" "Listen, uh, I thought maybe you could use a little company." "Oh!" "You got me the spatula?" "No." "But would that have done it?" "[knock at door] [gasps] She's here!" "Dad, I got you a date." "With a girl." "Mrs. Yoon?" "Okay, maybe "girl" was a stretch." "But, uh, I know you've always had a thing for sassy spinsters." "[clicks tongue] [giggles]" "Oh, Po." "I haven't had a date since the Chin dynasty." "Ah, but that was a great dynasty." "[sighs]" "Still, I don't think this is a good idea." "Sure it is, Dad!" "You're cooped up in here all day with your noodles." "You need to spend time with someone... that isn't me." "Well, I-I-I-I don't know." "[chuckles]" "Dad..." "Here's the romantic dinner combo!" "Two soups in one large bowl." "And I made us some nice steamed buns for the occasion." "What?" "You dare besmirch the purity of my noodle soup with these... these..." "these buns?" "What kind of monster are you?" "Oh, well, I just, uh..." "Do I come out to your bun cart and make Chao Wa all over it?" "Because that's what you are doing to me!" "Uh..." "Now, get out of my shop, and take your steamy buns with you!" "Ah!" "Well, uh, I had a lovely ti... [knock at door]" "Thanks again." " Chao Wa?" " I made it up." "[playing lute badly]" "So, I like you." "Do you like me?" "Well, you don't sweat much for a pig." "[lute playing stops]" "So, what are you looking for in a woman?" "Well, antennae creep me right out." "Are you sure you're a woman?" "[snorts]" "Ouch!" " Dad, what's going on?" " I don't know what you mean." "You're being rude, obnoxious." "You challenged that one lady to a fist fight!" " Well, she was eyeballing me!" " Dad!" "Oh, all right." "I'll let you in on my secret." "I was trying to get rid of those ladies." "Because?" "I already..." "have a girlfriend." "What?" "Really?" "That's... great!" "This... this is so... [clanking]" "Hang on, Dad." "[gasps] Scorpion!" "[ominous music]" "Huh!" "[grunting]" "Let me out of here!" "Dad, Scorpion's back to seek her revenge!" "Run!" "Get the Five!" "Uh... no, Po!" "Po, Po!" "You don't understand!" "No, you don't understand!" "Scorpion is dang... ah!" "[grunts] Ooh." "Ooh." "Scorpion is..." "Nooo!" " My girlfriend!" " Huh?" "Nooo!" "Dad, watch out!" "Scorpion's on you!" "No, Po!" "No!" "If you just move..." "will you please..." "You're making this difficult." "I gotta save you!" "Ooh." "I'm telling you!" "She's my girlfriend." "You and scorpion?" "Together?" "No." "Really?" "No." "Really?" "No!" "Really!" "This can't be happening." "I... [gasps]" "She's brainwashed you with her scorpion poison." "Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?" " None." " Right." " But she could've coached you." " Oh, Po." "You're thinking of the old me." "I'm not evil anymore." "Really?" "What changed you?" "The love of a good goose." "Uh, Dad, can I talk to you privately?" "Away from your [gags] girlfriend?" "Be right back." "[gasps]" "What are you thinking?" "You can't date Scorpion!" "She's a convicted, villainous, evil, criminal mastermind!" "Ah, ah, ah!" "Never convicted." "Whatever!" "She's still, like, banished." "In exile!" "Not allowed to be here!" "[sighs] The sweet allure of forbidden love." "Ah." "Dad, I don't care what she says." "She is evil!" "Oh, honey." "You seem upset." " Want a cookie?" " I... yes." "[mouth full] But it doesn't change the fact that..." "Wow, this is a really good cookie." "I know." "All this and she can cook, too!" " She's like my dream bug." " Oh, charmer." "And you." "You're staying for dinner." "Dinner?" "Pfft." "No way." "[all chewing]" "So, Po." "Did you know that Scorpion once won a baking competition?" "Really?" "That's interesting." "Hey, here's another fun fact." "Did you know that Scorpion once tried to kill me?" "Humph." "Po!" "Now you are being rude." "But Dad!" "[sighs] Just look at her." "Isn't she beautiful?" "And those eyes..." "All those gorgeous eyes." "[gags]" "And that exoskeleton." "Wowee!" "Seriously, Dad, I don't know how this happened, but..." "It was you, son." " You brought us together." " Me?" "It's true." "Once I saw that flyer you put up, I thought," ""this is a person I could be with until the day he dies."" "Dies?" "Look, you can see my lair from here." "Wonderful." "Where?" "[cackles] Ah!" "No!" "Dad!" "How could you let this happen?" "Ah!" "I'm... [gasps] Dad!" "Gotta save Dad!" "[rattling] [panting] Gotta save Dad." "Save Dad." "Ugh, stairs." "[panting] [gasps]" "Dad!" "She's trying to ki..." "Did you come to cut vegetables with those?" "I thought I saw..." "you were..." "I was..." "Son, this has got to stop." "You've got to get used to the fact that" "I'm with scorpion now because..." "I love her." "Oh, I love you too!" "[retching]" "Right." "You could hear that." "Sorry. [sighs]" "I want you to be happy, Dad." "Scorpion, I apologize." "Ah!" "[laughs nervously]" "It's not entirely your fault, Po." "I just have one of those faces." " And you did try to kill me." " True." "I promise to be more supportive of your relationship, Dad." "Might take me a while, though." "But I wouldn't count on Shifu and the Furious Five." "Oh, do you have to tell them?" "They might not be as understanding as you are." "Uh, please, son." "[sighs] Okay." "You two have a good night." "I'm really... happy for you." "Nooo!" "We heard that!" "Sorry." "[sighs]" "Greetings and salutations." "No, that's not it." "Greetings and salutations." "[groans]" "What's master Shifu doing?" "[grunts] He's practicing his yearly... [snoring sound] autumn festival speech for tonight." "Mm, that reminds me." "I've gotta practice sleeping with my eyes open." "[laughter] Oh!" "Good one." " What?" " Skip it." "[kung fu noises]" "Uh, Po?" "You seem upset." "Huh?" "What do you mean?" "[angry kung fu noises]" "I take it you're not so happy your dad found a girlfriend." "[panting] I don't mind him having a girlfriend, it's just not THIS girlfriend." "You guys know what she's like." " How would we know that?" " Uh, no." "Not her, per se." "You just, um, I mean..." "You guys know what women are like." "[chuckles]" "Oh!" "No!" "That's not..." "I mean..." "[sighs]" "Go ahead." "Po, give your dad's girlfriend a chance." "Thanks, Viper." "I'm gonna do that." "Ooh!" "Ow." "Ooh!" "Ah!" " Monkey!" " Ooh." "Sorry!" "I thought we were doing a thing." "Seriously, Po." "Viper's right." "You should give her a chance." "Dad?" "He's delivering moon cakes for the festival." "Nice costume!" "[chuckles] Yeah." "Wore it for my Dad." "Got him a new spatula." "Thought we could all use it to make moon cakes together." "Sweet!" "I mean, you guys care about each other... [sighs] I guess, and... maybe someday, I can care about you, too." "Maybe." "Aww, honey." "Sit." "Fresh out of the oven!" "Aren't we supposed to wait until after Shifu's speech?" "I won't tell anyone." "[chuckles] I'm starting to care about you already." "Mm!" "These are seriously good." " Oh!" "Mm." " It's a new recipe." "Mm." "No wonder you won that baking contest." "Truth be told, I won because I brainwashed the judges." "To be honest..." "I thought you were going to brainwash my Dad." "[laughs]" "That's silly." "Why would I want to brainwash your dad when I have the opportunity to... poison everyone in the valley?" "!" "Oh!" "Yeah, good question." "What?" "Poison their brains!" "In fact..." "I'm poisoning you right now." "Poison?" "Moon cakes?" "[increasingly foreboding sounds]" "Oh, it won't kill you, but it will make you defenseless!" "[laughs]" "Uh... ah." "[slurred] Ah!" "I was right not to trust you!" "This is going to be easier than I thought!" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "[grunts] [groans]" "I'll take good care of your father!" "[evil laugh] No!" "[groans]" "Hi, honey." "Po stopped by and left you a message." " He did?" " Yes." "He said, now, oh, let me make sure I'm getting this right, the Dragon warrior doesn't have time for you and never wants to see your face again." " Tea?" " What?" "Wha... ?" " He said that?" " Yes." "No." " Did you hear that?" " Oh, it's the neighbors." "I think they're building a rumpus room." "Shall we?" "The festival awaits!" "[sighs]" "Come on." "If Po really loves you, then he'll find you at the festival." "I..." "I guess you're right." "[lively music]" "Where's Po?" "Maybe he's bonding with his dad and his girlfriend." "More likely, he's bonding with a bag of almond cookies." "[laughs] Ooh, you're on fire today, Tigress." " What?" " Skip it." "Everyone, please grab a moon cake for the ceremonial speech, followed by the ceremonial eating of the moon cakes, followed by the ceremonial ceremony." "All:" "Oh!" "[excited noises]" "Aw, pingy." "Looks like Po didn't show up and doesn't love you." "[grunting]" "Got it!" "[thuds, crash] Ooh." "[groans]" "And so, per tradition, we raise our moon cakes to honor the harvest." "[gasps]" "Happy autumn festival, everyone." "[slurred] No!" "It's the autumn festival clown!" "[slurred] Don't you eat that!" "[laughter] Love this bit!" " Huh!" " Uh-uh." "No, clown!" "You're not getting my moon cake this year!" "[laughter] Ah." "Uh." "Ah." "Uh." "Ah." "Eeh." "Ooh." "Look at him dance!" "Nooo!" "Ooh." "[groaning] [grunts] What's going on?" "[groans]" "I..." "What's happening to everyone?" "[evil cackle] [gasps]" "You... you..." "Yes, dear." "Me." "How'd you all like my moon cakes?" "Ugh." "Ew!" "That's disgusting." "But it doesn't matter." "One bite is enough to destroy your motor skills." "[evil laugh]" "You banished me from the valley, but now I get my revenge!" "Hey!" "By the way, you look ridiculous in that costume." "[laughs]" "Huh!" "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Whoa!" "Ah." "Uh!" "Ooh!" "[laughs] [groans]" "So dizzy..." "I... [dizzy noises]" "Aim over there, hit over here." "Oh!" "Wh... [fighting noises]" "[groans]" "You... you can fight me?" "How?" "It's called dizzy kung fu." "Made it up myself." " Po!" " Dad!" "I want you to be happy!" "[growls] Ah!" "And I want you to be the Dragon warrior!" "Huh?" "[fighting noises]" "Whoa!" "[groans]" "Scorpion, you're a villainous, evil, criminal mastermind, and I think we should see other people." "[groans]" "See, what's more fun than spending time together, Po?" "Making 2,700 antidote-filled noodles." "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." "And with a brand-new spatula!" "This is great, Dad." "And by the way," "I think you have some lady admirers over there." "[giggling]" "This could be a very good dynasty."