"Throw it here!" "Clyde!" "Get up here!" "Hurry!" "What is that?" "A toilet?" "it's a toilet!" "And where is the toilet seat?" "It's up!" "again!" "We've been through this countless times!" "OK?" "Not OK!" "{\*because }You aren't getting the message!" "What if I had fallen in?" "Start listening to me!" "Put it down!" "Thank you." "That sucks." "A mom shouldn't be able to put rules on toilet time like that." "Toilet time is the last bastion of American freedom." "Is your mom always like that?" "please?" "man." "It's cool." "What have I told you about pissing on the seat?" ""Not in front of my friends!" "273)}– It was actually really lame." "– I know." "'cause they have to face outwards{\* to pee and crap}." "you're supposed to poop {\*in a toilet }facing out?" "But I thought you seat on the toilet this way." "So you have that {\*nice }little shelf for your comic book and {\*your }chocolate milk." "Because {\*then }you got the flusher right here." "That's embarrassing." "There you are!" "you come home this instant." "273)}– Why?" "– What have I told you about putting the toilet seat down after you go to the bathroom?" "I'm in class!" "How many times do I have to tell you?" "again!" "come back home." "It's not that big a deal." "it's a disgusting habit." "I'm sick and tired of it! I would have gotten toilet water all over my vagina!" "My grandma's from Virginia. and you're putting the toilet seat down where it belongs." "Let's go." "it was freaking hysterical. and follow his mom home to put the toilet seat down." "He was so embarrassed." "I thought he was gonna die." "fatass." "I was there." ""You're an asshole!" "I go toilet water in my va-jay-jay." "That's not what she said." "You're putting extras on it again!" "It's not that funny." "the bathroom's the last bastion of American freedom." "Don't you feel just a little bad for Clyde?" "You should." "The poor guy shouldn't be screamed at for something that {\*just }isn't {\*that big a deal at all}a big deal." "273)}– What's going on?" "– They're {\*trying to save}saving Clyde's mom." "273)}– From what?" "– {\*They're saying }Clyde left the toilet seat up again." "Hang in there." "You're gonna be fine." "Stay with me." "there's nothing we can do." "she also made it flush." "It created a suction that's {\*literally }pulling out here insides." "Can't we disconnect the toilet from the plumbing? the change in pressure will rip out her organs." "is she?" "son?" "I want you to know I don't blame you for this." "We should have been harder on you all those times you left toilet seat up." "I'm sorry." "I don't have a lot of time. for your sister's sake." "let me go!" "Do it!" "I'll always remember Betsy Donovan's kind nature more than anything." "She always treated people with dignity and respect." "What a tragedy she had to leave us so soon." "But I'm sure Betsy is hoping her death will help women everywhere just take that extra second to look before they seat on a toilet." "I'd like to say on behalf of the departed it's a man's responsibility to put it down." "It's not {\*that }hard." "That's right!" "Putting the toilet seat down isn't {\*that }hard." "So is it too much to ask women to just look and put it down before {\*they go }plopping their butts blindly to the toilet bowl?" "My God!" "This is a funeral!" "Please have some respect!" "There's a little boy here who has lost his mother." "He'll never see he again." "Because he couldn't take that six tenth of a second to put the toilet seat down when he was done peeing." "little Clyde's mother is dead." "And the blood is on his penis." "get the door!" "273)}– {\*We're }The Toilet Safety Administration." "– The what? new safety regulation requires to check every toilet for security." "273)}– Can we come in?" "– Sure." "hon}." "They're gonna do something to the potty." "My potty?" "What they gonna do to it?" "That's my bathroom!" "ma'am}." "You need {\*to have }this counter moved a minimum of six inches." "But we'll go ahead install your safety belt." "Safety belt?" "Federal law requires all toilets to be fitted with a safety harness so that nobody can fall in." "You can't make me wear a seat belt to take a dump!" "you know." "not mine!" "{\*LAW OFFICES}" "We are really worried about our friend Clyde." "people are telling him he has blood... on his wiener." "Go on." "We keep trying to tell him maybe this all isn't his fault." "Maybe the people who made the toilet are the blame for what happened." "So we were just wondering if we could sue somebody." "You can always sue somebody." "Clyde?" "We wanna help him sue whoever invented the toilet." "You got it." "inventor of the toilet." "Sir Thomas Harrington." "England." "Died 1692." "273)}– He's dead?" "– So {\*then }we can't sue him?" "Why not?" "You can always sue somebody." "It's just gonna take some special protocol." "We would have to perform... a sueance." "A sueance?" "You bet." "we specialize in suing the dead." "for you." "Clyde?" "look." "I'll be asking all of you to have a very open mind and a willingness to face your fears." "boys." "A sueance can be very... expensive." "273)}– How expensive?" "– How much do you have?" "000 from his mom's life insurance." "That's exactly how much a sueance cost." "That's weird." "Damn it." "officer." "sir." "I had it on." "I {\*just }took it off for a second to get the..." "Address here is 260 Avenue De Los Mexicanos?" "don't give me a ticket!" "or you could fall in." "I'm not a chick!" "sir." "You can pay this by mail or appear in court on that date." "asshole..." "You say something?" "I was talking to my asshole." "asshole." "Let's get back to work." "This is unbelievable." "Stupid Toilet Safety Administration." "You can't even take a crap at IHOP without a 40 minute line." "belts off." "Sharp objects in the plastic tray." "273)}– This is inhuman." "– Shut up... sir." "ma'am?" "just need to pee." "I just need to check inside your asshole." "How about you{\* people} speed it up in here?" "I'm about to crap my pants." "I demand access to the toilet now." "sir?" "I mind." "You mind if I touch your fucking balls?" "}I'm done." "I just need to check inside your asshole." "I don't need you wiping my ass for me." "I'm a grown man." "sir." "I'm a big boy." "sir." "I'm a big boy." "I took a big boy poo." "sit down and clear your minds." "The sueance is about to begin." "Doors and windows are locked." "You have your $500 in cash ready?" "I have this big bowl set here for the money we're about to make." "let us start." "We call out to the land of the dead." "your presence is requested." "John Harrington." "We have a subpoena." "it's not working." "John Harrington." "My client is due compensation for negligence." "spirit?" "Jimmy Bonds." "What's it to you." "Who are you mugs?" "That's how people talked in the past." "We have a claim against a John Harrington." "spirit?" "maybe I don't." "Might need a little something{\* something} to jar my memory." "We gotta grease him." "Put a hundred in the box." "I know him." "Always going around inventing things." "That's him." "Is his personage amongst you?" "maybe it isn't." "Give him $100." "I seen him around." "bragging about a porcelain machine and what have you." "we sue you." "we sue you." "You can't sue me." "put another 300 in the box." "}really well." "Always happens a bureaucrat tries to block the first sueance." "273)}– Good." "We'll get{\*re getting} him tomorrow." "– That's it?" "We'll need another $400 tomorrow." "we'll win this thing." "sir." "Shoes off." "Belts off." "Got any metal in your pockets?" "I just need to check your asshole." "So ridiculous." "Asshole clear." "sir." "he says I'm getting nothing anyways so..." "What's that thing?" "security camera." "You people have me on camera now?" "sir." "There's just one person viewing the monitors in a discrete location." "Exactly how long are we going to sit around as our freedoms are stripped away one by one?" "It's time for us to stand together and say we want the government out of our bathrooms." "listen." "All we have to do is agree as a community to all bolt our toilet seats down." "no one can fall in{\*there is zero chance of anyone falling in}." "the government can't make toilet seat laws." "the men will pee all over it." "we won't." "you will." "women might have to deal with a little splash of pee on the rim." "It's a far better solution than the government in our bathrooms. if men agree to always sit down to urinate." "you can't make men sit down to pee." "How could we play "sink the boat?" "How will Nelson and I make an X on sleepover nights? turn around and cut their poo in half with their urine? we might have to give up peeing our feces in half." "Folks have been logging here for generations." "and his pop before him!" "I think we have to live with the TSA." "The spirits of the dead are looking over the subpoena." "Motion of summary judgement on behalf of the plaintiff." "273)}– What's going on?" "{\*happening now.} – The judge declined our motion.{\*motion has been denied by the judge}" "Concentrate more." "This specter is like none I've ever encountered." "He managed to avert liability with an injunction against our claim." "So what?" "{\*What does that mean?" "}" "We'll hit him with a class-action lawsuit tomorrow." "We need all of your friends and families to sign a petition and kick in $50 each." "What?" "Clyde." "This is all to make the world a safer place." "Security breach." "An embarrassing day for the toilet safety administration." "Shocking outrage ensued after an unknown terrorist managed to get through TSA security with a gun and baby." "Leaving the toilet seat up." "The head TSA chief of operations had this to say." "Shit." "outraged civilians are claiming they're finally fed up with the overblown government bureaucracy." "What good is the TSA if they aren't protecting us?" "Why have we given up freedom if terrorists can take a hostage{\*in a bathroom} with a baby and a gun on the toilet?" "And the toilet seat was up." "We've all stood by as mother government is taking our dignity." "{\*That's }Right!" "it's time for us to take responsibility for ourselves." "It is time for us all to grow up." "That's right." "It is time... for a sueance." "what?" "What the fuck is a sueance? 268)}Sir John Harrington. 268)}lawyers are gonna try and sue him. your extreme negligence has cost taxpayers millions." "spirit." "The liability is without question." "Harrington." "Never." "get out all your money." "Mom?" "This lawyer is a fraud." "He has been swindling you and your friends for your money." "it's a ghost." "Clyde." "Putting the toilet seat down is a matter of simple etiquette." "Clyde}." "}Here we go." "Don't try and blame Mommy's death on anything but your failure to do something I asked you time and time again to do." "It's your fault." "Hold on just a second!" "It's not anyone's fault." "I am sick and tired of all of this nonsense over my porcelain toilet machine." "There he is." "Sir John Harrington." "sue him." "You can't sue me." "You're all using my toilet invention the wrong way." "you're supposed to be facing this way." "{\*and your}quill and{\*your} ink." "you sit on it that way." "I told you." "turn around and look down{\*right} at your Harrington to flush?" "That's gross." "you {\*'re gonna}take your pants all the way off." "}Why do you think I designed toilet rooms with a laundry hole?" "That's what that hole is for? you asshole? stop please!" "}It was a riot." "That's not what I said." "I'm just glad that stupid TSA crap is over with." "{\*At least }but your mom didn't die for nothing." "}We're {\*kinda }right back to the bathroom being the last bastion of {\*American}our freedom." "but..." "}You're there?"