"Hey, ladies!" "Get a load of this guy." "Perfect employee." "Always shows up on time." "Never gives me any guff." " And very easy on the peepers." " Mom, I want one." "Mom, can I get one?" "No, he's all mine." "Hey, handsome, wanna fool around?" "I'm only gonna tell you once, pal." "Step away from the lady." " Phil, how are you?" " How are you?" " Craig, come on, man!" " Why aren't you at work?" "I took a break." "Wynonna Judd's new CD" " came out today." " Wynonna?" "And all her fans are like, crowding into the store killing each other trying to" " get one." "It's crazy." " What?" " Get out!" " We love Wynonna." "Did you know that Wynonna's new CD came out?" " This is crazy." " Why didn't we know?" "It has been a very busy news week." "You gotta say that." "Aniston's back on bump alert." "J-Lo and Marc Anthony are eh." "And then there's Suri's new haircut." " But still we should've known." " We love Wynonna." "The best thing we could do for Wynonna right now is go march down there and buy her CD." "Come on." "He could totally be your double." "It's freaky." "I sometimes wish, Craig, that I had half his confidence." "= 112 =- " Idols "" "VO By : ¤AkaZab¤" "Capture :" "YYeTs.net" "Subs-Addicts" [Sub-way. fr]" " Excuse me." " Okay, move it, u-haul." "Can you believe this, man?" "Country singers." "All they do is cry in their beer over some girl or some daddy who don't love'em." "And then, bam, $10 million." "Maybe you should be writing country music, man." "You got huge problems." "Problems?" "Me and my moms are doing just fine." "Thank you very much." "Just got my own phone line put in my room." "Solved all kinds of problems." "You the one with the crazy-ass relationship and the crazy-ass wife." "Yeah, you're right, man." "I probably got a million songs up in here." " We're gonna be rich." " You know it." "Country rich." "Mom, this sucks." "Why do we have to wait in line with all the cattle?" " We're better than this." " We are." "We have all her albums." "We know all her songs." " Plus we look darling in cowboy hats." " And I can do this." "That is just adorable." "And I read her book coming home to myself twice." "And she did." "She came home to herself." "Twice." "Ladies, can I have a word with you for a moment?" "With." "My name's Jackson Johns." "I am Wynonna's special event producer." "And I couldn't help but overhear you two are pretty big fans?" " Only the biggest." " Yeah, and I can do this." " Isn't that adorable?" " Yeah, it's terrific." "Listen, Wynonna is coming through central Florida next week." "And to promote her new CD, she is gonna have dinner at the home of her number one biggest fan." " And we're it?" " Not just yet." "I would like to come to your house and we'll have a little talk." "So we won?" "Wynonna's coming to our house!" "Like I said, we'll have to talk and then we'll see." " We won!" "We won!" " You didn't win." "You didn't win." "Did you know that Wynonna is the proud owner of four Buffalo?" "Of course I do." "And eight deers, just like Santa." "Good gravy, it's hotter than a bathhouse out there." "Please don't put that down on my coriander." "Just cleaned the whole thing." "Jackson Johns is coming over and I sure don't want him to think that Wynonna's biggest fans live in some kind of pig sty." "I don't mean to pry, mini muffin." "I know you two girls love to see the comings and goings of the Hollywood a-list." "But you really got your hat set for this Wynonna." "I mean, why?" "Why Wynonna?" "Why Wynonna?" "'cause we have a Kimship with the judds." " We both lead hard-scrambled lives." " Kim is absolutely right." "Like Naomi, I was a single mother struggling to Raise my daughter Kim." "Now Wynonna's a single mother." "Someday Kim will be a single mother." "Except for the 20 billboard top ten Country singles and all the money, we are the judds." "A Kimship." "Point taken." "All right, bring it in, girls." "Let's have that love." "Give me that good stuff." "Dude, this is so frustrating." "Country music is hard, bro." "I don't think I got the skills for it." "It's not gonna happen for you overnight, Gilligan." "You gotta be willing to pay the price, okay?" "It's gonna take you at least two weeks of part-time dedication for this to happen." " Yeah, I'm feeling it." "Okay." " Good." "All right, let's do this." "What rhymes with trial separation?" " Regal festeration." " Dude!" " That's money." "That is money!" " Yes." "On the bank." "Well, the first verse, we have..." "Ahem, what are you doing?" "Jackson Johns is gonna be here any second." "I'm writing an awesome country song about you, baby." "It's totally just flowing out of us right now." "It's called cold-hearted bitch." " I like it." " Really?" "You a question?" "What do you think of the lasso earrings?" "Are they too much?" "If by too much you mean totally perfect, then yeah." "I don't know why you don't wear those jeans more often." "You with your darling little heart-shaped pooper." "Shucks." "Howdy, cowgals!" "Ready for the big hootenanny?" "Phil, why you look like you belong in a rodeo!" "As a clown." "Honey, you look fantastic." "I tell you, that producer's gonna get one look at you and say, "that's it, the search is over."" "Thank you, Phil." "But unfortunately, the contest isn't for Wynonna's hottest fans." "It's for her biggest fans." "And Kim and I still really have to prove to this guy that we're it." " Kiss me, cowboy." " Happily." " Gotta get these appetizers ready." " Tina, what are you doing here?" " I wanna see Wynonna." " It's not Wynonna." "It's her producer." "I wanna see her producer." "How do I look?" "Cheap." "He's here!" "He's here!" "How do I look?" "Do I look okay?" "Should I go by myself?" "No, I should go with Kim." "No, I should go by myself." " Tell me what I should do!" " Okay, get a grip, mom." "You are a celebrity, so act like one." "Got the whole gang?" "You sure do, Mr. Johns." "My name is Phil Knight." "I'm the stallion to this fine mare." "This is my soon-to-be stepdaughter Kim." "This is her husband, more or less, Craig." "This is Derrick and that's Tina." " Hi!" " She's not part of this." "Well, first of all, call me Jackson." "Jackson!" "And this is Wynonna's personal assistant Holly." "Holly!" "So Kath, Kim, why don't we have ourselves a little visit?" "Visit!" "I just can't believe that we're actually meeting people that really know Wynonna." "And you guys know her know her." " We absolutely love her." " We're in love with her." "She's just so strong and beautiful and courageous." "Her songs are an inspiration to both of us." " Isn't that right?" " As is Wynonna herself." "Boy, I tell ya, Kath and Kim just walk around the house all day singing Wynonna's songs." "It's true!" "We do!" "Can you imagine?" "And I've become a pretty big fan myself." "What songs do you like?" " He's not good with titles." " I'm really not." " Mom, let's go get the scrapbook." " Yes, and the wigs." "Now, don't you two move." "We'll be right back." "Aren't they marvelous?" "Holly, take cheese." " No, thank you." " Hey, get it." "Let's do it now." "Mr. Johns, I would love to take this opportunity to present to you our new band, okay?" "It's called hot country gravy." "Featuring my man right here, Craig "hot biscuits" baker, and of course myself, derrick "buttered grits" nixon." "You ready for this?" "* My head's a-hurtin' * * and my * * feet are rough *" " they're bleeding." " * he's got a lady and she * * beats him up * * she's a cold-hearted bitch. *" "true story." "That's us at a show in Tampa." "And that's us in Miami." "And there we are in Atlanta." "We go to every show in Florida." "It's a good time to party." "No venue is too far for these two Wynonna fans." " I have an idea." "Let's play the game!" " The game!" "Ready?" "1986." "1986, two number one songs, grandpa and rocking with the rhythm." "Judds won a Grammy and debuted at Radio City Music Hall." " 1992." " Got it." "The judds make the world's first 3-d music video with love can build a bridge, and Naomi gets diagnosed with hepatitis B." " No, A. No, C!" " Yeah!" " Favorite color." " Favorite color?" " You can do it, mom." " I am totally drawing a blank." "What is wrong with me?" " Lavender!" " Nailed it!" " What a great game." " Maybe we should sing a song." " I'm scared." "How do we get outta here?" " Follow me." "Well, this has been just great." " But we have to meet Wynonna, so..." " Duty calls, yeah." "You sure you don't want to bring Wynonna a piece of Kath's moist," " delicious Wynonna cake?" " We haven't eaten the head yet." "Big lunch." "We will be in touch." "That's home, cell, and work." "And I can be anywhere in 20 minutes." "Don't forget, man." "Our brand new band." "Hot country gravy." "I did the cover art myself." " All of it." " That's a 1 of 1, so be careful." "Good-bye!" "Bye, Jackson." "Thanks again." "Drive safely." "I really don't think that could've gone any better." "It could not." "We killed it." "Mom, relax." "You're making me nervous, okay?" "You're all over that phone like white rice." "You know what, ladies?" "We really need something to get your mind off of this." "How about a spirited game of jenga?" "It's them!" "Caller id says it's them!" "Wait, wait, I want to remember this moment forever." "I wish your hair wasn't so mousy." "Okay, here we go, everybody!" "Here we go!" "Wish me luck!" "Hello, Kath Day speaking." "Mr. Johns!" "I wasn't expecting your call." "Right." "Right, right, right." " We didn't get chosen." " Butterbean stinkaroo." "Man, I am so bummed!" "If I ever see Wynonna, i'm gonna completely give her the silent treatment." "Did Jckson say anything about me?" "Ur stay on the island." "Bon voyage." "Thanks for coming." "P, what's up, man?" "Seems kind of low tide on the island." "You still bummed about that Wynonna thing?" "Bing and O. Craigy, I hope you're paying attention." "This is what the universe does to you when you play fast and loose with the facts." "Lady karma is a vengeful mistress." "I was totally paying attention." "I'm just not exactly sure what it is you're telling me right now." "I lied, Craig." "I opened my big trap to Jackson Johns." "I told him that I loved Wynonna's music." "I can't name a single song." "And that lie cost Kath the dream of her lifetime!" "Me and Derrick kind of thought our country music pretty much stunk up the place, and that probably didn't help either." "Craig, you tried something." "You put it out there." "You gave it your all." " And it didn't work at all." " Yeah, I know." "That's why we're gonna do rockabilly rap." "See, you know what?" "I don't know what that is." "We're not 100% sure, either, but we've got it surrounded for sure." "You know what the pickle of this whole patch is, Craig?" " Do you mind if I say things like that?" " No, I love it." "Go for it." "Kath and Kim love Wynonna." "Yeah, and the universe has deemed me a liar, and they're punishing my lady love for the crime." "But I can fight back." "Let me ask you a very personal question." "What kind of a fiance am I if I can't convince a top-selling, world-renowned country music artist to come to the home of my future bride-to-be and sit down for a little promotional dinner?" " A bad one?" " A real bad one." "Well, I have a change of plan." "Let's go, Craig." "You and I are gonna go find this Wynonna Ryder." " It's Wynonna Judd." " Okay." "Linda, I just had so much fun I can't even tell you." "And wynonna's people were very friendly." "Just very down-to-earth, you know?" "But that's Wynonna for you." "I thought for sure your mom would have a major meltdown once it set in that Wynonna completely and utterly rejected her." " To the core." " Do you have a brain in your head?" "My mom's a mess." " You and me both, Linda." " Hello, can you not hear her laughing?" "She's laughing on the outside the direct proportion how much she's crying on the inside." "I'm just grateful for the whole experience." "That means she wishes never happened." " What can I say?" "Life goes on." " That means she'd like to end it all." "All right, bye-bye, Linda." "Can you girls keep an eye on my soup?" "I'm gonna go hop on the stepper." " Soup..." "What does that mean?" " That means soup." "God, she's taking it so much harder than I did." "How'd you get over it so quick?" "I took my mom's credit card and bought these gorge new boots." "Cute?" "God, you know, my mom just, like, has all these more feelings than me, and she gets all affected by this stuff." "You know, it's like she's crying out for help and only I can hear her." "You know what you should totally do:" "you should send Wynonna a tape begging her to change her mind." "That's what I do whenever a guy dumps me." "That is the only good idea you have ever had." "Thanks!" "And it totally works." "Well, six out of ten times." "The other three times I end up naked on the internet." "So." "Right." "Hey, the guy on the inside was right." "There's her tour bus." "So how you gonna do it, P?" "Like run up on'em, like full-frontal style and just shock and awe?" "No, dude, we need to snake up the walls like a cat burglar." "Like suction cups." "I think it's best if I fly solo on this one, mi amigos." " Understood." "Do it to it, broham." " I got your back, sir." "Together." "Hit it." "Dude, dude." "You're with Wynonna, right?" " Okay, listen to this." "Give me a beat." " Right, okay." "* what, what * * get out of my tractor if you wearin' clothes * * you can borrow my shovels but don't touch my * * hos *" "He loves it." "I think we gonna get somethin'off of this." "Okay, take this to Wynonna as fast as your pale, little white legs can go." " Gentlemen." " May we help you, sir?" "Yes, as a matter of fact, you may." "I am here to see country music legend miss Wynonna Judd." "Is she expecting you?" "No, I'd be a little surprised if she were." "I am here on behalf of my bride-to-be." "She lost the opportunity to be named Wynonna's number one fan and it was all my fault." "I mean, I told a white lie that." "You know what, guys?" "It was a bald-faced lie." "Let's be fair about this." "It's time for me to set the record straight, so if you will just." "I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." "Yes, I thought you might say something like that, to which I reply," ""no can do, chief." And I'll tell you something else." " Security." " You security?" "There's someone bigger than you?" "That's different." "Good Golly, i'm gonna be." "Kath Day loves you!" "She thinks you're Fanta." "Oh, boy." "If you could just listen for one second!" "Boy, you guys are strong." "What a grip you guys have." "Do you work out?" "I mean, if you could just think about coming over to our house," "Because the thing is, my mom's old." "I'm really young and I'm gonna have lots of times to meet you but, like, for instance, if my mom lived in little house on the prairie, or the flintstone times, she'd be, like, a great-great grandmother." "And even worst." "She's marrying this guy Phil who may or may not be gay." "But definitely is." "And by the way, you would look totally hot in these boots." "Thank you." "So that's pretty much it." "And not to put any pressure on you, but if you don't come over, my mom will fall deeper into her hole and my life will be total crap." "So that's why you should come over, okay?" "Thanks, Wynonna!" "Good heavens." "That daughter is a hot mess." "Somebody get Kath Day's address and send that poor woman some flowers." "And find out where I can get a pair of those boots." "Man, P-knight, what's going on, man?" "You look terrible." "I totally failed, fellas." "Universe, 1." "Phil Knight, 0." "Now I have to live my life knowing that the love of my life is not living the life that she always wanted to live." "Man, we should be writing this down." " This would make a really good song." " Yeah, you got something there." " This has just been a total waste!" " And that's the title right there." " Walk away." "P, check it." " That's a sign right there." "You don't know me." "My name is Phil Knight and I am the fiance of Kath Day." "With that daughter?" "And you're Phil." " At your service, my lady fair." " Oh, my gosh." "I may live to regret this." "But I'm gonna help you." " You are?" " Guys, change of plans." "We're gonna make one old lady very happy." "Thank you so much, Miss Judd." "Hey, Miss judd." "How you doing?" "I was just wondering." " Are you hip to rockabilly rap?" " What's rockabilly rap?" "It is music we totally made up, and it's about to rock America's face." "I mean, it's gonna hit it in the face like a like a rock." "Get on get in on the ground floor, right?" " Yeah, you gotta be in." " I will think about it." "You got a facebook or something, we can get in contact?" "The driver got my cell number if you need it." "Fellas." "I've waited my whole life to say this." "I'm gonna ride on a bus!" " Did you get Phil's keys?" " No!" "We gotta walk home." " Walk home, then." " Walk home." " * Home, what, what * - * we gonna walk home *" "We should drop that single second." "Do you think I could get posh spice's body if I did the 5 factor diet?" " You're right." " Girls." "Sugar bear." "I know it's my turn to do the heavy lifting in the boudoir tonight, but when you see the surprise that I just brought home for you, you're gonna be only too eager to jump behind the wheel." "I told you my mom was crazy about Wynonna." "You and me need to have a little talk, missy." "Wynonna Judd is in my house, everybody!" "Wynonna Judd is in my house." "Wynonna Judd is inside my house!" "Wynonna Judd is in my house." "I so can't invite Beyonce to my house anymore." "I had this big Thanksgiving party about five years ago, and she and Justin got into some big fight with Beckham and Kanye, and that was it." "They were fighting about Scarlett Johansson's wedding." "Can you imagine?" "No, I remember." "Okay, 'cause Justin and Beyonce weren't invited, and Beckham and Kanye." "They kept rubbing it in." "Exactly, I think us weekly did a whole big expose on it." "I read that, too." "Unconfirmed sources." "Ladies, can I interest you in a mint julep?" "And I hand-crushed the ice and the mint." "Compliments of my herb garden." " Well, of course you did." " There you go." "Sure, and now in honor of our guest from the south, coming right up." "Pecan pie tartlets with just a dollop of cream, thank you." "Team Subs-Addicts""