"Look at her." "This class is supposed to be Free Sing... for everyone... but Rachel hasn't stopped screeching like a third-rate Maria Callas since the bell rang." "Because I'm her best friend, I can say this..." "Rachel's always been a little insufferable, but ever since she won Winter Showcase, her ego and behaviour are out of control." "At home she uses up all the hot water, leaves rings in the tub, and don't get me started on the hair extensions clogging the sink." "At school she eschews my company and instead surrounds herself with easily awed sycophants." "Oh, my God, Rachel. of "Funny Girl" is finally happening this season." "You have to audition." "I couldn't." "Okay, there is only one Fanny Brice, and that is the Ms Barbra Streisand." "But you're Barbra's heir apparent." "You gonna get that?" "On some level." "I always knew this would happen... that, as Rachel's star rose, so, too, would her prima donna- like tendencies." "Yes, it's become clear to me:" "This Sarah Brightman in training needs to be knocked down a few pegs, and I'm the only one who can do it." "I can't do this, I can't do this." "There's ten days to the wedding, and I have all these choices to make by myself." "I mean, I know Will trusts me, but I'm a Libra..." "I can't do this." "Well, when does he get back?" "End of the week, but it was a big success." "Will said that they got" "Congress to agree to cut federal arts funding in schools by 35% instead of 50." " Pretty amazing." " Yeah." "So, are you guys going on a honeymoon or something?" "Um, I'm sure we will." "Will keeps suggesting Costa Rica, but," "I mean, us gingers can't be that close to the equator." "Why are you asking?" "I just assumed that Mr Shue is going to want his glee club back." "Well, look, I-I don't think you need to worry about Will kicking you out on the street, especially not after you did such an extraordinary job while he was gone." "I mean, you coached a really inexperienced team all the way to Regionals." "I think that's pretty impressive." "Regionals is a different ball game." "You need these big, brassy voices to bully the competition..." "Rachel, Santana, Mercedes," " even Kurt." " Blaine can do that." "Yeah, but it's, it's about more than just being able to sing." "It's about the attitude, you know?" " Yeah." " Those kids didn't just want to win, they wanted to crush the competition." "Well, maybe you should have a lesson that toughens 'em up." "You know, I mean, weren't there weeks where Will had you guys competing against each other?" "That's the perfect idea, Miss Pillsbury, thank you." "You're very welcome." "And you can be our special celebrity guest judge to help decide who wins." "Diva." "So, now that we're back in the game, we've got to come strong." "Diva Week is all about finding your inner powerhouse." " Miss Pillsbury." " That's right." "The Online Urban Dictionary defines a diva as" ""a fierce, often temperamental singer who comes correct." ""She is not a trick-ass ho and she does not sweat da haterz."" "Great, so I guess the guys" " are screwed this week." " Um..." "Guys can be divas." "That's right, we all have inner divas." "I myself have been considered quite a diva at many a local restaurant because I know what I want and I will send a dish back." "You all might as well just quit while you're ahead because there are only two ways to spell Unique, and one of them is." "D-I-V-A..." "Diva." "M'kay?" "Shanté, I stay, and it will be brought, dished out, and served and mopped up by the time you even pick out a wig." "Looking at you, clocking that sadness." "I have more diva in my little finger than you have in your whole angry inch, Wade-Unique." "Tina, you've kind of been talking some ridiculous trash for months, unchallenged, and that stops now." "Use that finger, use that snap." "Listen, guys can be divas." "You guys, I'm going to win Diva Week." "And do you know how I know that?" "It's because... ♪ Ho... ♪ ♪ I'm a, a diva ♪" "♪ Yeah, a diva... ♪ ♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪" "♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪ ♪ Yeah... ♪" "♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪" "♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪ ♪ I'm a diva ♪" "♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah ♪" "♪ Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla ♪" "♪ Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla ♪ ♪ Yeah, oh ♪" "♪ Stop the track, let me state facts ♪" "♪ I told you, give me a minute and I'll be right back ♪" "♪ 50 million 'round the world, and they said ♪" "♪ That I couldn't get it ♪" "♪ I done got so sick and filthy with Benjis, I can't spend it ♪" "♪ How you gonna be talkin'?" "You act like I just got up in it ♪" "♪ Been the number one diva in this game or a minute ♪" "♪ I know you read the paper, the one that they call a queen ♪" "♪ Every radio 'round the world know me ♪" "♪ 'Cause that's where I be ♪" "♪ I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪" "♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪ ♪ I'm a diva ♪" "♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪" "♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪" "♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla ♪" "♪ Of a hustla ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪" "♪ Of a, of a hustla ♪" "♪ Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla ♪" "♪ Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪" "♪ Since 15 in my stilettos, been strutting' in this game ♪" "♪ What's your age?" "♪" "♪ Was the question they asked when I hit the stage ♪" "♪ I'm a diva, best believe her, you see her, she gettin' paid ♪" "♪ She ain't calling' him to greet her ♪" "♪ Don't need him, her bed's made ♪" "♪ This is a stick-up, stick-up ♪" "♪ I need them bags, uh, that money ♪" "♪ All my ladies get it up ♪" "♪ I see you, I do the same ♪" "♪ Take it to another level, no passengers on my plane ♪" "♪ Diva is a female version of a hustla ♪ ♪ Oh ♪" "♪ I'm a diva ♪ ♪ I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪" "♪ I'm a diva ♪ ♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva ♪" "♪ I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey!" "♪" "And that is how I made the manager cry at the Cheesecake Factory... by being a diva." "Yay, divas." "Oh, hey, you're awake." "An hour before my alarm clock." " Oh, when you're in there, can you make me a little tea, please, with some honey and lemon?" "You know, it's really good for my throat." "Sure, I'll just run down to the store and get you some." "I'll take that as a no." "An incredibly rude no that deserves an explanation." "Okay, Rachel, truth time." "You have been a nightmare ever since the Winter Showcase." "I knew it... it was only a matter of time before you became jealous of all of my success." "And just when we were getting inseparable." "Oh... we became close because you became tolerable, but now you've got that weird naked boyfriend and that weird Legion of Sycophants." "Now you are like, you're like an annoying, self-righteous Lima Rachel on steroids." "You know what?" "Let me give you a little bit of truth, Kurt." "Okay, the only reason why Carmen Tibideaux even let you sing at the Winter Showcase was because she knew that you and I were friends." "You might have won the showcase, but my performance was the one that everyone was talking about because I blew you away and I can do it again." "Midnight Madness... you and me, head-to-head." "I wouldn't do that if I were you, babe." "Oh, why not?" "'Cause I already beat you once." "Diva-Off sophomore year." "Remember?" "Only because I threw it." "That high F in "Defying Gravity"?" "I can hit that baby in my sleep." "I tanked the note on purpose." "Okay, why would you do that?" "'Cause I didn't want to win." "I wanted to save my dad the embarrassment of having his son sing a song written for a woman." "I don't believe you." "Take that back." "I can't... it's truth time." "That was my first big win." "That was the foundation that I built all of my confidence on for the past two years." "Aw, consider it cracked." "Get ready for Diva-Off Part Two, and this time I'm not throwing anything." "Enjoy your tea." "Here, I put together a little cold buster kit for you." "Cool, uh, how did you know?" "Your nose was red yesterday." "Start off with cough drops, then two packs of vitamin C, a cup of my homemade Chinese chicken soup, and finish with my secret weapon... nighttime cold medicine." "Aw, thank you." "I really appreciate this." "It's gonna have me feeling better in no time, except for maybe the nighttime cold medicine." "Why?" "It's amazing." "Just makes me really sleepy and woozy, which is something" "I can't afford to be right now, not with Diva Week in full swing." "I want to be able to prove that men can be divas, too, which is why I'm gonna give them a full dose of some Freddie Mercury... just to show how the boys can really bring some diva attitude." "Mr Anderson, you find new ways to inspire me every day." "Aw." "Thanks, Tina." "♪ Tonight I'm gonna have myself ♪" "♪ A real good time" "♪ I feel ali-i-i-ive" "♪ And the world" "♪ Turnin' inside out, yeah" "♪ I'm floating around in ecstasy, so... ♪" "♪ Don't stop me now ♪" "♪ Don't stop me ♪" "♪ 'Cause I'm havin' a good time, havin' a good time ♪" "♪ I'm a shootin' star, leaping' through the sky ♪" "♪ Like a tiger defying' the laws of gravity ♪" "♪ I'm a racing' car passing' by like Lady Godiva ♪" "♪ I'm gonna go, go, go" "♪ There's no stoppin' me" "♪ I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah ♪" "♪ 200 degrees, that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit ♪" "♪ I'm travellin' at the speed of light ♪" "♪ I wanna make a supersonic woman of you ♪" "♪ Don't stop me, don't stop me, don't stop me ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey" "♪ Don't stop me, don't stop me, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪" "♪ I like it ♪ Don't stop me, don't stop me ♪" "♪ Have a good time, good time" "♪ Don't stop me, don't stop me ♪" "♪ Oh... ♪ Boys, all right!" "♪ Oh, I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah ♪" "♪ 200 degrees, that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit ♪" "♪ I'm travellin' at the speed of light ♪" "♪ I wanna make a supersonic man out of you ♪" "♪ Don't stop me now ♪" "♪ I'm havin' such a good time, I'm havin' a ball ♪" "♪ Don't stop me now ♪" "♪ If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call ♪" "♪ Don't stop me now ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm havin' a good time ♪" "♪ Don't stop me now ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm havin' a good time" "♪ I don't want to stop at" "♪ All..." "They say that true divas aren't really mortal." "They're more like the Loch Ness Monster or, or Smeagol." "Divas walk..." " Yeah..." " And they talk and they breathe brilliance, so here to demonstrate that elusive brilliance is a very special guest diva." "Raven-Symoné." " All the way from Louisville, give it up for Miss Santana Lopez." "[Ike and Tina Turner's "Nutbush City Limits"]" "♪ A church house gin house" "♪ A schoolhouse outhouse" "♪ On highway number 19" "♪ The people keep the city clean ♪" "♪ They call it Nutbush" "♪ Oh, Nutbush" "♪ Call it Nutbush City Limits" "♪ Nutbush City ♪" "♪ 20 fields on weekdays" "♪ And have a picnic on Labour Day ♪" "♪ You got to town on Saturday" "♪ But go to church every Sunday ♪" "♪ They call it Nutbush ♪ Ooh ♪" "♪ Oh, Nutbush ♪ Ooh ♪" "♪ Call it Nutbush City Limits ♪ Nutbush City Limits ♪" "♪ Hey ♪ Nutbush City ♪" "♪ No whiskey for sale" "♪ You can't cop no bail" "♪ Salt pork and molasses ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪" "♪ Is all you get in jail ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪" "♪ They call it Nutbush" "♪ Oh, Nutbush" "♪ They call it Nutbush City ♪ Nutbush City ♪" "♪ Nutbush City Limits ♪ City Limits ♪" "♪ A quiet little old community" "♪ A one-horse town" "♪ You have to watch" "♪ What you're putting down" "♪ Nutbush City Limits" "♪ Nutbush City ♪ Nutbush City ♪" "♪ Oh, Nutbush" "♪ They call it Nutbush" "♪ They call it Nutbush City Limits. ♪" "Yes!" "Santana, that was simply the greatest moment in show business history." "But how come you didn't tell me you were coming to town?" "You know, I think that the better question is, why didn't you tell me that you were dating Sam?" "I had just left a comment on my favourite "Rizzoli  Isles"" "lesbian subtext blog when I heard the news." "One word:" "Bram." "Gotta go, hon." "Oh, and before I forget, allow me to introduce my backup, and my girlfriend," "Elaine." "And by girlfriend," "I mean out and proud, lipstick-loving," "AfterEllen-reading girlfriend." "That was so good." "Okay, so if I'm gonna win this Midnight Madness thing, which I am, then I'm gonna need to know exactly what it is." "NYADA's fight club, but singing instead of punching." "Twice a year, we break into a classroom for a no-holds-barred sing-off to the death." "Winner gets ultimate bragging rights for the rest of the time that they're at NYADA, loser gets shamed and humiliated." "Hm." "Well, then I guess" "I'm gonna have to beat Kurt." " Oh, don't worry, you will." " Hmm." "We all heard about Taylor the Latte Boy challenging you, and... it's a joke." "Like those outfits of his?" "Now, everyone knows the only reason Hummel got in is 'cause he's Carmen's pet turtle-face." "And signing up for Adam's Apples?" "He might as well wear a sign around his neck that says, "I am pathetic", please club me to death."" "Kurt earned his place here at NYADA same as you two." "Excuse me?" "It's okay, Rachel." "I've dealt with a lot worse than bitchy gossip." "However I got here, the point is, I'm here." "And me, my outfits, and my turtle-face aren't going anywhere." "We'll see about that at Midnight Madness." "So, how did you find out?" "She changed her Facebook relationship status to "Shacked up"." "Mine's still "Heartbroken"." "I haven't been interested in other women since Rachel and I broke up." "Well, maybe it's time to be." "There's a great new math sub." " I know she's a little... but..." " She's like 26." "What do... what do I have to offer a grown woman like that?" "I'm just a man-boy." "I get what it feels like to be lonely." "I haven't really felt like myself since Will's been away, and it's kind of scary." "You know, sometimes you feel like it's the only feeling you're ever gonna have in the world." "And it will be, until you get back in the saddle." "Thanks, Miss Pillsbury." "Honestly, you're the only person here who can always cheer me up." "Mr Shue's a lucky guy." "He really is." "Oh, um, but don't just thank me." "You can pay me back by, um, helping me pick a centrepiece arrangement." "Sure." "Yeah?" "Option number one, or... option number two." "I'd go with the white one, because blue is like the colour of sad, and white is the colour of pure, like you." "That's exactly what I thought." "I'm gonna mark this off my list." "And I didn't even have to lay out a line of cereal for you to find me." "I thought you loved Brittany." "I mean, I can't believe you're making what's going on with me and her about you." "You're naive to think that this isn't about me." "I broke up with Brittany." "This is just her revenge." "She could have dated anyone, boy or girl." "But no." "She chose you." "The one person she knew would send my brain straight to Lima's Heights." "Okay, you know what?" "Brittany doesn't understand revenge." "Brittany is love." "Listen up, Lipsy McChapstick." "This is going to end." "Soon as Brittany realises that you are the most boring human being on the planet," " and that your impressions suck." " And then what?" "You're... you're going to date her again?" "Long distance?" "It didn't work, you said it yourself." "One step at a time." "First, I'm gonna cut off the Sam-sized tumour on her heart, and then we can begin the long, slow process of cleaning the stink of your mediocrity off of her." "I'm not letting her go without a fight." "What do you think we're here for?" "To fight?" "I'm not hitting a girl." "Who said anything about hitting?" "["Make No Mistake, She's Mine"]" "♪ Don't call her up" "♪ Anymore" "♪ 'Cause I don't want to hear your voice ♪" "♪ I don't want to see your face ♪" "♪ Answer her door" "♪ Make no mistake" "♪ She's mine" "♪ She only knows" "♪ How I feel" "♪ I only know what she's like" "♪ When she needs me" "♪ Oh, how she needs me... ♪ Deep in the night" "♪ Make no mistake" "♪ She's mine" "♪ She's mine ♪ She's mine" "♪ She's mine" "♪ Don't call her up" "♪ Anymore." "♪ Anymore." "This isn't over." "Look, I know you're still into her." "You can't sing like that about somebody you don't love." "But she's with me now, and you know that's the best thing for her." "Just let it go." "Never." "In honour of Diva Week, let's just cut the crap and keep it real." "Tina Cohen-Chang deserves better." "I got upstaged yet again by Santana." "She doesn't even go to school here." "Look at him." "He's like a precious." "Tiger Beat Shrinky Dink with his dark pound-puppy eyes and his..." "What am I doing?" "Mike would totally laugh." "I should call Mike." "No." "I shouldn't." "Divas don't call ex-boyfriends, Tina." "Stop being afraid of going after what you want." "Hey, Bling-bling." " Feeling better?" " Hey, X-Tina." "No, I am not." "It's worse." "My whole head feels like it's a shrink-wrapped fist of ham." "Here, I got you this." "It's VapoRub." "My nana swears by it." "Aw, thanks, lady." "You're so sweet." "What, what'd I say?" "I don't want to be sweet." "I want to be the girl that kicks in the door and makes demands and gets what she wants." "But let's be honest:" "No one thinks "diva" and pictures me." "What are you talking about?" "There are tons of badass Asian divas." "Look at Lucy Liu," "Bai Ling, B.D. Wong." "Okay, you're coming to my house after school tonight, and we're gonna find you the right song." "We're gonna bring out your inner diva if it kills me." "Aw, Blainey Days." "Have you ever been with a girl?" "No." "Perfect gold star gay." "Except for that one time where I kissed Rachel Berry." "That doesn't count." "Well, it's not that I don't like girls." "I love them." "They're very kind and sensitive, and their bodies are beautiful." "Thank you." "You know, on behalf of girls everywhere." "But loving them that way... it's not who I am." "We're young." "We still have time to find ourselves." "Exactly." "Which is why, Ms Tina Cohen-Chang, you are about to find your inner diva." "I took the liberty of making you a little playlist of some of the classic diva songs for you to go through, but you should open the laptop..." "I don't want to give you my germs." "Wow." "I can't believe you went old-school diva." "Cher, Aretha, Madonna." "Do you really think I can pull this off?" "I don't even know what I would wear." "Are you kidding me?" "You would kill it." "I was thinking that we could use..." "One of those dresses from Sectionals." "I'm sorry, that-that cold medicine is really very strong." " Why don't you lie down?" " Okay." "It's a good idea." "You know, I've been reading a lot about divas." "Mm-hmm." "And the biggest thing is that they're brutally honest." "And if I'm..." "going to be a diva, then..." "I have to be honest, too." "Totally." "Blaine..." "I'm falling in love with you." "And I realise that this... could be a tragic, one-way thing." "But even if we end up having just..." "a sexless relationship, which many Asian girls and gay men do it'd be worth it." "So please say something here before I die." "Blaine?" "Right over there." "Guys, gather some chairs up." "Make a semicircle." "Oh, we have five minutes." "Welcome to Midnight Madness." "We all know the rules." "One song at a time, two singers per song." "If you go flat, you lose." "Now, the playing space has been split into two." "One side per competitor." "After the song," "I will give you the signal, and you stand with whoever you think won." "Majority rules." "The group's decision is final." "No appeal." "No mercy, and only silent applause." "This is not a performance." "This is a blood sport." "First up:" "Rachel Berry versus Kurt Hummel." "Now, the song you will be competing with is "Bring Him Home", from "Les Miz"." " You guys know it?" " Mm-hmm." "Per Midnight Madness protocol, since Kurt challenged Rachel, he will be going first." "["Bring Him Home" begins]" "♪ God on high" "♪ Hear my prayer" "♪ In my need" "♪ You have always been there" "♪ He is young" "♪ He's afraid" "♪ Let him rest" "♪ Heaven blessed" "♪ Bring him home" "♪ Bring him home" "♪ Bring him home" "♪ He's like the son I might have known ♪" "♪ If God had granted me a son" "♪ The summers" "♪ Die" "♪ One by one" "♪ How soon they fly" "♪ On and on" "♪ And I am old" "♪ And will be gone" "♪ You can take" "♪ You can give" "♪ Let him live" "♪ Let him live" "♪ If I die" "♪ Let me die" "♪ Let him" "♪ Live" "♪ Bring him" "♪ Home" "♪ Bring him home" "♪ Bring him" "♪ Home." "Thank you." "Okay, make your choice." "All right." "And the winner by the closest margin in Midnight Madness history is Mr Kurt Hummel." "What is with you Glee Club ex-pats?" "Don't any of you have jobs?" "You have to have some source of income so you can pay the staff of scientists who service your teleporters that you all clearly own, since you're constantly showing up here." "I have a light schedule this semester." "Do you not remember who got you that scholarship to Louisville?" "Your coach is sending me weekly reports, and you dropped out a month ago." "I'm sorry." "I hated it there." "Everyone thought that I was being a bitch when all I was doing was being brutally honest with people." "Look, please don't tell my mom." "Oh, I can't." "I don't speak Spanish." "Let's face facts." "I need an heir apparent, and I need someone as mean as I am." "Wait." "So, are you offering me a job?" "Finn Hudson took over the Glee Club." "Why can't you take over my Cheerios!" "?" "Besides, you've always been my favourite." "This is an amazing offer." "And with the money that my mom gave me for New York, I could buy a McMansion in Lima Heights." "And plus, I'd be close to Brittany." "Well, why don't you let me know by the end of the week?" "I have Paula Abdul coming in to interview as a backup, and whenever I cancel too late with her, she tends to hit the pills." "Tay-tay, I was just telling Artie how awesome I thought..." " Would you excuse us, please, Artie?" " But, uh..." "Oh." "Is everything okay?" "Oh, the chicken soup you made me... magic." "I feel great today!" "You want to know why?" "Because of me." " Because I took care of you." " Oh, and I guess" "I used most of this." "I don't know how that happened, but it's all gone." "Sorry." " Wait." "Are you mad?" " Look," "I give you all of my heart, gladly." "And I love hanging out with you, Blaine." "I love..." "It's sad because you don't see that it's me that gives you that support." "Why are you acting so pissed off?" "Because I get it now." "A diva doesn't settle for less than what she wants, and she won't apologise for wanting it." "And I can't get that here, so next time, don't come crawling back to me." "I'm all out of soup." "That seems a little... crazy." "No." "That seems a little Tina Cohen-Chang." "Respect." "[Madonna's "Hung Up" begins]" "♪ Time goes by so slowly" "♪ Time goes by so slowly" "♪ Time goes by so slowly" "♪ Every little thing that you say or do ♪" "♪ I'm hung up, I'm hung up on you ♪" "♪ Waiting for your call, baby, night and day ♪" "♪ I'm fed up" "♪ I'm tired of waiting on you" "♪ Time goes by so slowly for those who wait ♪" "♪ No time to hesitate" "♪ Those who run seem to have all the fun ♪" "♪ I'm caught up" "♪ I don't know what to do" "♪ Every little thing that you say or do ♪" "♪ I'm hung up, I'm hung up on you ♪" "♪ Waiting for your call, baby, night and day ♪" "♪ I'm fed up" "♪ I'm tired of waiting on you" "♪ Ring, ring, ring goes the telephone ♪" "♪ The lights are on, but there's no one home ♪" "♪ Tick, tick, tock, it's a quarter to two ♪" "♪ And I'm done" "♪ I'm hanging up on you" "♪ I can't keep on waiting for you ♪" "♪ I know that you're still hesitating ♪" "♪ Don't cry for me" "♪ 'Cause I'll find my way" "♪ You'll wake up one day" "♪ But it'll be too late" "♪ Every little thing that you say or do ♪" "♪ I'm hung up" "♪ I'm hung up on you" "♪ Waiting for your call, baby, night and day ♪" "♪ I'm fed up" "♪ I'm tired of waiting on you" "♪ I'm hung up on you." "Wh..." "Tina." "Tina." "Wow." " Wow." "I just..." "I can't even..." "That was the most..." "Don't even worry about it." "Okay." "Feel that fire." "I've been singing the "Les Miz" score since I was in second grade." "Literally the entire score." "It was just dumb luck that that was the song that got chosen." "I know you feel conflicted about winning, but you won because you're an incredible singer." "Oh, my God, Kurt." "Everyone is buzzing about your triumph at Midnight Madness." "Not since Judy played the Palace, they're saying." "A bunch of us are signing up for the "Funny Girl" open call, then getting rush tickets to see "Mamma Mia!"" "You have to come with." "I don't think so." "I think you both are shallow and obnoxious." "And I think the only reason why you run around kissing everyone's ass is because you know you'll never make it on your own." "And another thing." "If you say one more nasty thing about Adam's Apples," "I will challenge you to the next Midnight Madness, and we all know how that ends." "That's very impressive." "Um, give me a second." "Hey, Rachel." "I don't know if you heard, but apparently the revival of "Funny Girl" is having open auditions." "Do you want to go with me?" "You should try out, Kurt." "You'd be an amazing Fanny Brice." "Winning dinner for two at Red Rooster Express Suites..." "The First Annual William McKinley High School." "Diva Award goes to..." "If it's Santana, I swear..." "Tina Cohen-Chang!" "She never wins anything." "Tina!" "Tina!" "Tina!" "Uh, no diva performance is complete without flowers." "Oh, how sweet." "Literally." "Well, no one deserved to win this week more than you." "I've been waiting for people to finally see the epic diva that is Ms Tina Cohen-Chang." "I also owe you an apology." "I'm sorry if I've been ungrateful this week." "The truth is, I wouldn't have survived it without you." "That little cold buster kit you made me, it not only annihilated my cold, but it made me realise that you are the most important person to me at this school right now." "And I haven't felt this close to anyone in a long time." "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that." "I have a proposition for you." "Will you be my date to Mr Shue's wedding next week?" "Yes." "Of course." "Shiva is officially over." "You have an audition for "Funny Girl"" "three weeks from today." "I went down to the open call and got us the last slots." "I'm not trying out." "Why, because I won Midnight Madness?" "Rachel, it doesn't mean anything..." "it just means that we're even." "You won with an Elphaba song, I won with a Jean Valjean song." "None of which changes the fact that "Funny Girl"" "is your favourite musical, and that you were born to play Fanny Brice." "This is a once-in-a lifetime opportunity." "Let's say by some crazy extraordinary chance I get it." "Then what?" "I become even more of a diva nightmare than I already am now?" "I can't handle the pressures of stardom, not without losing my best friend and making every single person hate me." "So I'm not going to try out." "You are a diva, and you have been a nightmare, but you're not a diva because you've been a nightmare." "You're a diva because you're talented and ambitious and because no one else in the world can do what you, Rachel Berry, can do." "That's what being a diva's all about." "Being an original, one-of-a-kind." "So hold the nightmare, but bring the diva." "You don't need any of that." "Your work speaks for itself." "I love you." "I'm sorry." "I hate fighting with you." "Eh, a little catfight is good for friends." "You know, keeps the relationship fresh." "I thought we already checked this box." "Will said the white centrepiece arrangements we picked were fine." "Which means he doesn't like them." "And he'd like to veto them, but he's just being polite." "Um, "fine" doesn't mean that he didn't like the centrepieces." "I need things to be more than fine." "Okay, I-I need them to be perfect." "They have to be perfect and I need them to be perfect." "Look, I think you're just putting too much into this." "No, I'm not, because the last time, with Carl, I let go." "I did that already, you know," "I said that details wouldn't matter, that my-my OCD wouldn't get in the way, that whatever would happen would happen, and that marriage was completely ruined before it even began." " Maybe Carl just wasn't the right guy." " This isn't right." "I can't do this." "I can't do this." "I can't get married again." "I can't do it again if it's not right." "Miss Pillsbury, please." "What about the colour white?" "What if Will hates the colour white?" "Then he's going to hate my dress." "Of course he's not going to hate your dress, okay?" "What about the cake?" "Not even tried the cake yet." "Okay, we make a great team." "We can figure this out together." "Emma, stop." "Stop." "Stop." "I knew you'd come around eventually." "I mean, Sam's most redeeming quality is that he can bore you to sleep and then you can use his lips as ginormous pillows." "I'm not breaking up with Sam." "I really like him." "And he makes me feel really smart and think about things, like where air comes from, and how come in every movie about Jesus he dies at the end." "Well, look, I'm not expecting you to start dating me again." "I'm..." "I'm taken." "I just want you to aim higher." "I know that you're not dating Elaine." "She told me that you paid her with scratcher tickets and an Ani DiFranco T-shirt to pretend to be your girlfriend." "And I also know that you dropped out of school." "Well, I'm moving on up." "Sue offered me a job to train to take over the Cheerios after she dies." "You can't do that." "Why?" "I mean, it's not like" "I'd have to wait that long." "I'm totally going to ricin her protein shakes in a couple years." "I think you need to be somewhere that's as big and as hot as you are." "It's okay to follow your dreams." "No, Brittany, you..." "you have no idea what it's like out there in the real world." "No one gives a damn about you." "Rachel found a new guy." "And I hear Kurt did, too." "Why shouldn't you get the chance to be around people who are like you, who appreciate you?" "Be a part of a community?" "Why can't you have a real girlfriend?" "But not a best friend 'cause that part's already taken." "You really are genius, Brittany." "Duh." "And you're my best friend." "Sam and I are going to Breadstix tonight to pretend to be British." "Do you want to come?" "No, thanks." "I think I'm going to hang around here a minute more." "["Girl on Fire"]" "♪ She's just a girl and she's on fire ♪" "♪ Hotter than a fantasy" "♪ Lonely like a highway" "♪ She's living in a world and it's on fire ♪" "♪ Filled with catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away ♪" "♪ Oh... oh-oh-oh-oh" "♪ She got both feet on the ground ♪" "♪ And she's burning it down" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh..." "oh-oh-oh-oh ♪" "♪ She got her head in the clouds ♪" "♪ And she's not backing down" "♪ This girl is on fire" "♪ This girl is on fire" "♪ She's walking on fire" "♪ This girl is on fire" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪" "♪ Everybody stand as she goes by ♪" "♪ 'Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes ♪" "♪ Watch her as she's lighting up the night ♪" "♪ Nobody knows that she's a lonely girl ♪" "♪ And it's a lonely world" "♪ But she gonna let it burn, baby, burn, baby ♪" "♪ This girl is on fire" "♪ Fire, fire ♪" "♪ This girl is on fire" "♪ She's walking on fire ♪ Fire, fire ♪" "♪ This girl is on fire" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh..." "oh-oh-oh-oh ♪" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... ♪ Oh, oh, oh" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh..." "oh-oh-oh-oh ♪" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... ♪ Oh..." "♪ She's just a girl and she's on fire. ♪" "Santana." "What are you doing here?" "Moving in."