" Paul, ladies and gentlemen!" "It's Paul!" " (Applause and cheering)" "Lovely to see you!" "Come down here, it's Paul." "Nice to see you." "You're a little bit late, though." " Yeah, sorry, Marjorie, I missed the bus." " What you got in your bag?" " Oh, this?" "It's nothing." " What do you mean?" "Let's have a look." "Have a look in the bag." "Ohhh!" " Cadbury's Milk Tray!" " I can explain..." "Why don't you just put shit through my letterbox, eh?" "Eh?" "Eh?" "!" "We don't want Paul getting any bigger, do we?" "Let's share them out." "Who would like a chocolate?" "Hands up." " Who would like a chocolate?" " Marjorie..." "Would you like a chocolate?" "Eh?" "Who would like..." "Who would like..." "Would you like one?" "Go on, then." "Get yourself a chocolate." "Here we go." "Go on." "Well done, Primark." "OK." "Who else would like..." "Matalan, lovely." "You get yourself a chocolate." "Lovely." "Who else would like a..." "Would you like one?" "Would you like a little choccy?" "Have a choccy!" "Go on." "Love the way you've died your roots black." " (Laughter)" " Lovely!" "Yes!" "They're all having a chocolate." "It's a bit of a party, innit?" "Have a choccy here." "Mmm!" "Ooh, that's nice." "That is a nice choccy." "Thank you very much, Paul." "What's this?" "It's a card." "You never told me about a card." ""Dear Mum, get well soon."" " (Audience ) Urghhh!" " Spit it back, spit it back!" "Come on, spit that back." "And you." "Spit it back, spit it back." "Who else had one?" "You had one!" "Go on, sick it up, sick it up!" "Shame on you!" "Boo hiss boo!" " (Laughter)" " Lovely." "OK, here we go." "OK, so..." "I dunno what you're looking like that for." "You can't eat chocolate in a coma."