"[Upbeat instrumental music]" "George!" "George!" "Spots." "Martha." "What?" "I got..." "I got new spots." "And you know something else?" "I got this new kink in my shoulder." "And every time..." " Every time I do that, it hurts me." " Well, then don't do that." "George, those are the same old spots and the same old kink you've always had." "Martha, I've been thinking." "We ought to move into a retirement community." "Someplace where they have doctors and nurses standing by." "You know, we're not getting any younger." "We go through this every birthday." "This is our home." "But, Martha, this place is the best." "They have high fences, armed guards to keep the kids out." "No kids allowed." "It's a paradise." "Go soak in a long bath." "You'll feel better." "Then I'll fix you a nice birthday breakfast." "You didn't tell anyone, right?" "George, I didn't tell anybody it was your birthday." "GEORGE:" "Especially you-know-who." "Dennis?" "No, I did not tell Dennis, George." "[Contented musical swell]" "Oh, boy." "DENNIS:" "Won't Mr. Wilson be surprised?" "I bet he really likes you, Betsy." "You're the best looking frog in the whole town." "But maybe a frog isn't a good idea for an old guy like Mr. Wilson." "I know!" "Snakes." "A cool lizard." "Or a spider." "I know, we'll let Mr. Wilson pick which one he likes best." "DENNIS:" "Hey, Mrs. Wilson!" "I have a surprise birthday present for Mr. Wilson." "I just know how much he likes surprises." "Dennis, he's taking his bath right now." "Why don't you wait and give it to him when he's finished?" "Okay, thanks." "[Dog whimpers and barks]" "[Lighthearted instrumental music]" "Come on." "She said we can give it to him when he finishes." "[Squeaking and clanking of wagon]" "[Mischievous instrumental refrain]" "[Mr. Wilson singing cheerfully]" "[Croaking]" "[Suspenseful instrumental music]" "DENNIS:" "Yikes!" "[Upbeat instrumental music]" "Get back here." "I got to call a plumber." "Frogs, lizards." "Forget the plumber." "I need an exterminator." "Dennis." "Dennis!" "DENNIS:" "Hi, Mr. Wilson." "GEORGE:" "Get off the bed!" "DENNIS:" "Wait, I want..." "GEORGE:" "Do you think this is a jungle?" "DENNIS:" "But..." "GEORGE:" "Besides, you look like a baby ape." "Mr. Wilson, wait!" "Where are you going?" "[Suspenseful instrumental music]" "Oh, gee!" "[Upbeat instrumental music]" "George?" "[Croaking]" "Happy birthday, Mr. Wilson." "GEORGE:" "Mitchell!" "Mitchell!" "Where's Dennis?" "MARTHA:" "George." "Don't say it, Martha." "Don't say it." "He's not a boy." "He's a menace." "HENRY:" "George." "George!" "ALICE:" "What's he done?" "Mitchell!" "Bathtub!" "Frogs!" "Bugs!" "HENRY:" "L..." "GEORGE:" "Snakes!" "GEORGE:" "Wagon going down the stairs!" "Cake in the face!" "GEORGE:" "Surprise!" "Happy birthday!" "He was so excited about your birthday." "He likes you so much." "Yeah?" "Tell him to like somebody else." "Tell him to find another old man and make his life miserable." "[Horn honking and tires screeching]" "Grandpa, Grandpa!" "The best grandson in the whole wide world." "Wait a minute." "We were talking about Dennis." "You're a lucky man, George, living here with Dennis." " Yeah?" "You try it sometime." " Funny you should say that." "Everybody..." "I sold the motor home." "But, Dad, you loved traveling around in that big old thing." "I decided that two weeks a year isn't enough time... to spend with my wonderful grandson." "He needs a full-time grandpa." "Alice, Henry, if that spare room you offered is still available..." "I'm moving in." "DENNIS:" "This is gonna be great!" "We can go fishing, go to the arcade... eat hot dogs in the morning and even stay up late." "Dad, are you sure you thought about this?" "From now on, I'm spending lots of time with Dennis." " Every minute." " Yeah!" "GRANDPA:" "I know this is a bit of a surprise." "ALICE:" "Henry and I were talking about you this morning." "DENNIS:" "This'll be great!" "GRANDPA:" "I hope the spare room is ready." "ALICE:" "It's always ready for you, Dad." "Yippee!" "I'm finally gonna get that kid out of my hair." "Thank you." "ALICE:" "Dad, you're forgetting it's not that easy living around Dennis." "Nonsense." "He's just high-spirited." "Usually, after two weeks you can't wait to get away." "Far away." "That was before." "Now this is home." "GEORGE:" "Here we are, quietly having breakfast." "And where's Dennis?" "He's not here." "What a beautiful day." "I'm baking another birthday cake." "I should know to make two cakes." "With Dennis around, you always wind up wearing the first one." "Not anymore." "From now on, Grandpa's gonna get the cakes in the face." "It'll be good for Dennis to spend time with his grandfather." "He's very nice." "Nice?" "I never trust a man that's always smiling." " And the man lived in his car." " That's a 50-foot motor home." "Well, he doesn't..." "He doesn't act his age." "Neither do you, George." "You act much older." "[Lighthearted instrumental music]" "I don't know why boys have to hide their clubhouses in such hard to find places." "CLUB MEMBERS: "I pledge allegiance..." ""to the flag of the No Girls Allowed Club..." ""and to the coolest club in the universe for which it stands." ""One club..." ""invisible, with liberty..." ""and justice for guys."" "And the heck..." "With girls!" "What's that smell?" "Girls!" "And what do we say to girls?" "Girls, yuck." "Who needs them?" "What a great club." "Dennis, it's Margaret." "Come out." "I know you're in there." "Come out, or I scream till I turn blue and faint." "Hello, Dennis." "When I heard about your little club..." "I knew my invitation must have been lost in the mail." "This is a No Girls Allowed Club." "And we've got to come up with a better name." "Margaret, the whole idea of having a No Girls Allowed Club... is not letting girls in." " Wait a minute." "Gina's in the club." " She's vice president." "But Gina's a girl." "She is?" "She don't hit like no girl." "You can't let her in and keep me out." "Why not?" "Half the fun of having a club is keeping other people out." "Well, I'm going to start my own club." "Mr. Coodles and me." "And, Dennis, you're invited." "It's a dessert club." "Yeah." "With tons of ice cream, cake, cookies..." "Oreos, Dennis." "Your favorite." "CLUB MEMBERS:" "Don't go." "Don't listen to her." "GINA:" "It's a trap." "Double-cream filling." "GINA:" "You don't want her cookies." "DENNIS:" "Double-cream filling." "GINA:" "They're poisoned." "MARGARET:" "So, you wanna come?" "Hey, Dennis, come see my pet rat, Morty." "She had babies, rat babies." "They're itty-bitty, pink and ugly." "They got no hair anywhere." "Gross." "DENNIS:" "Cool." "Let's go see." "GINA:" "Bet you I could beat you there." "DENNIS:" "Cool." "JOEY:" "Come on, go, go!" "Mr. Coodles, I've spent too many years whipping Dennis into shape... to let some home-wrecker steal him away." "ALICE:" "Okay, I've got the last batch of cookies." "HENRY:" "Where's my apron?" "HENRY:" "Where's my chef hat?" "ALICE:" "Kitchen." "Who's got the buns?" "DENNIS:" "Mom, Dad!" "Look, Grandpa made some of his frozen pickles-on-a-stick." "Hey, Mr. Wilson, we're going to the Fireman's Carnival." " You wanna come?" " No, I'm not going anywhere." "Dennis, George would hate being around all that fun." "I'm gonna get the rest of the stuff." "I'll put this in the car." "Martha, something doesn't sound right." "You better let me take a look under the hood." "Don't worry, Mrs. Wilson." "Grandpa knows a lot about cars." "MARTHA:" "Really?" "That's good." "Then we're lucky he's here." "GEORGE:" "Wait a minute!" "When I was a kid, I could take an engine apart blindfolded." "GRANDPA:" "What do you think, George?" "Gee, this hose looks loose." "Dennis!" "Dennis!" "Cut it off!" "Yuck, Mr. Wilson." "You're a mess." "Dennis!" "George, he was just trying to help." "Just trying to help?" "You got a lot to learn!" "You got to get cleaned up before you come to the fair." "Yeah?" "Well, I'm not going nowhere." "But Grandpa's gonna be the guy in the dunking booth." "You don't wanna miss that." "DENNIS:" "Hey, everybody, look." "It's my best friend, Mr. Wilson." "He used to play baseball back hundreds of years ago." "Watch, kid." "Watch." "Come on, Wilson." "Here we go." "Yikes." "The target is over there." "Come on." "Wilson." "Water, I need water." " Come on, Mr. Wilson, you can do it." " Thanks, kid." "So long, George!" "SYLVESTER:" "Bursitis, ouch!" "Used to have that when I was your age." "GEORGE:" "Used to have it?" "Here you go, Pops, three balls, hardly used." "Knock yourself out." "You be my ball boy." "Watch it there, Gramps." "We don't want you to hurt yourself." "You're getting wet." "Holy..." "How did you do that?" "Hear some chatter." "Let's hear some chatter." "Yeah, chatter." "I'll give you chatter." "Hurry up!" "Will you stop that?" "It's not a dinner." "Throw the ball." "I don't believe it." "It's a miracle." "Two hits." "I don't believe it." "You just got lucky." "That's impossible!" "I don't believe that at all!" "That's ridiculous!" "So long, George." "Yeah." "Hey, mister, wait up." "I got to ask you something." "Hey, George." "I'll be right back." "Mr. Montgomery, please don't overexert yourself." "But, Doc, I feel great!" "Watch." "GEORGE:" "Wow, look what he just did!" "If he gets hurt, it'll set his treatment back six months." "Treatment?" "What treatment?" "What?" "Never mind." "Doc, what do you think about your prize patient now?" "He's a doctor?" "What treatment?" "Tell me." "What treatment?" "I got to know more." "I'm sorry, our treatments are still experimental." "In five, ten years, maybe it'll be available to the general public." "Look at old George." "He can't wait that long." "Yeah, I can't wait that long." "I can't?" "I must swear you to secrecy." "If other researchers or the media discover our results..." "Believe me, nobody'll know." "It's better that way." "We'll keep it to ourselves." "At the university we're studying ways to stop the effects of aging." "It works, George." "Look at me." "We've had some very promising results." "Amazing results." "I'm living proof." "He's the living proof." "But, George, we're a poor public university." "So we're asking our patients to contribute just a small portion... of their treatment costs." "You mean it's expensive?" "If it's expensive..." "I don't need it." "I'm so sorry, George." "Enjoy your last few months." "I mean years." "[Children laughing]" "My dad says, when we get older we'll like girls." "We'll like them?" "Yucky old girls?" "Yep, whether we want to or not." "Look, there's Jake Miller!" "JOEY:" "Oh, no!" "They got Jake!" "No crummy old girl is ever gonna get a hold of me." "Hello, boys." "Margaret." "Gross." "Hello, Dennis." "My, what a lovely evening." "Hey, Dennis, look." "How can a girl ever compete with that?" "[Lively dance music]" "You call that dancing?" "Hey, Mr. Wilson, come dance with us." "It's loads of fun." "Yeah, come on, George." "Unless you feel like you're getting too old." "[Confrontational spaghetti Western music]" "[Upbeat disco music begins]" "My back!" "Yikes." "I'll help you." "Don't touch me." "I'm gonna fix your back." "Take your hands off me." "You made it worse." "Hey, look!" "Darts!" "Come on." "DENNIS:" "Hey, mister, how many tickets do we need?" "But I was just trying to help." "That's what Dennis always says." "DENNIS:" "Yeah!" "Look, just give me another shot." "I'll fix you real good." "JOEY:" "Let's get the red one." "You ruined me." "You ruined me!" "GUNTHER:" "Blue one." "GEORGE:" "What did you do to me?" "GRANDPA:" "Okay, if that's the way you want it, that's the way it's gonna be." "I never liked you!" "Hey, guys!" "Look at that big one!" "Yeah!" "Don't like that guy." "Get it!" "George!" "Mr. Wilson, stand still." "I'll pull out all them darts for you." "You two!" "You two!" "You're both menaces." "Menaces!" "GEORGE:" "Doctor." "I'm ready to sign up." " I'm ready to sign up." " Fine, George." "Okay, calm down." "Thursday, 4:00 p.m., the wife goes to the bridge club." "314 Elm." "You'll come there?" "Promise." " Promise?" " Don't worry, I'll be there." " Thanks." " You won't be sorry, George." "I do believe our friend George is hooked." "He's hooked, all right." "Looks like we're gonna take old George to the cleaners." " George, the "For Sale" sign again?" " Martha, maybe we'll get lucky." "Maybe some idiot from out of town'll buy it... before he finds out you-know-who lives next door." "DENNIS:" "Hey, Mr. Wilson." "Hey, George." "We're going jogging." "You wanna come along?" " Please, Mr. Wilson." "Please!" " Thanks for the offer, but no, thanks." "That's too bad." "I thought if you came along..." "Dennis would get a chance to ride in an ambulance." "That would be so cool." "Thanks a lot, Johnson." "We're going to the swimming pool later if you want to come." "It'd be a bit safer." "I'll check my schedule." "This is gonna be great, having you and Grandpa living here." "I just know you guys are gonna become best friends." "George, why are you so jealous of Mr. Johnson?" "He is Dennis' grandfather." "Of course Dennis wants to spend time with him." "Jealous?" "Don't be ridiculous." "Martha, when was the last time we went to a swimming pool?" "Our honeymoon." "Doesn't a nice quiet day at the swimming pool sound restful?" "[Energetic instrumental music]" "Hello, boys." "Yikes." "What is it?" "Margaret, dog poo-poo brain." "Yep, it's Margaret, all right." "You can't go swimming like that." "Of course I can't." "We redheads are very sensitive to the sun." "Our skin is so delicate." "You come to the swimming pool and you can't even go swimming?" "Hey, guys!" "Come see my big black spider." "You feed her flies, she rips them apart and feeds them to her baby spiders." "Cool!" "Let's go see it." "[Carefree and upbeat instrumental music]" "There are a couple over there." "Mr. Wilson, we need to talk." "What?" "I need your advice on how to make Dennis quit being such a poop-head... and pay attention to me." "You want my advice?" "Run." "Go as far away from him as you can." "Save yourself while there's still time." "George, that isn't nice." "It's for her own good." "She'll thank me when she gets older." "What do you men want from us women?" "Oh, dear, please." "Sit down." "George will be happy to help you." " Won't you, George?" " Yeah." "Ever since I was a little girl, I knew Dennis and I were meant to be together." "Deep down I know he feels the same way, but he just doesn't show it!" "He's only 7 years old." "He's 7 and a half, almost 8." "And now this Gina girl comes along and moves in on him." "Well, surely she's no competition for you." "I don't understand why I can't make Dennis do anything I want." "I have a very high IQ." "I already read at the level of a fourth grader." "He should be eating out of my hand." " Mr. Wilson, what do I do?" " How the hell should I know?" "George, answer her." "What does Dennis see in this girl?" "Bugs, yucky crawly things with way too many legs." "Well, dear, a woman's got to share her man's interests... or at least pretend that she does." "That's how I caught George." "You did?" "Thanks, Mr. Wilson, you've saved our relationship." "Good." "So long." "[Exciting instrumental music]" "Look!" "That's my grandpa!" "GEORGE:" "Do you believe this?" "[Cheering and applauding]" "That's my grandpa." "Big deal." "GEORGE:" "I worked as a lifeguard in the summers." " I did a one-and-a-half with a twist." " George." "I think I'm gonna show that guy a thing or two." "You haven't been on a diving board in 40 years." "George!" "[Inflated instrumental music]" "Hey, mister, hurry up." "Shut up, kid, huh?" "Hey, look!" "There's Mr. Wilson." "Thanks, Dennis." "Swan dive." "Piece of cake." "I hope I'm okay." "[Loud cheering and applauding]" "That was the best belly-buster ever!" "[Mr. Wilson moaning loudly]" "Grandpa was right." "We get to ride in an ambulance after all." " Hey, mister, can I run the siren?" " Sure, Dennis." "[Siren blaring]" "GEORGE:" "You don't wanna be late for your bridge club." "Why are you so..." "Don't worry, I'll get it." "It's probably nobody." "'Bye, Martha!" "Take care." " 'Bye, Martha!" "Bye-bye, Martha!" " George." "[Doorbell rings]" "GEORGE:" "Hold on!" "I'll be right there!" "Doctor, thank God you're here." "George, this is my colleague from the University of New Delhi..." " Dr. Shashi Casha." " Very pleased to make your acquaintance." "Get inside quick." "I don't want anybody to see you." "A lot of busybodies and snoops around here." "GEORGE: 'Bye, Martha!" "Yes!" "GEORGE:" "What's all this for?" "PROF:" "We need it for your examination." "GEORGE:" "Examination?" "Yeah, just quick physical, see what shape you're in." "[Creepy instrumental music]" "What?" "What?" "Your cellular decay is so advanced." "I'm sorry." "We're very sorry." "You have a will?" "You should get all your affairs in order." "Quickly." "You must be able to do something." "You're both doctors." "Think!" "Well, there is..." "The Komatsu root." "The Komatsu root?" "It's our only hope." "[Triumphal instrumental music]" "GEORGE:" "The Komatsu root." "PROF:" "Very rare." "Very rare." "It's reserved for Chinese heads of state, under pain of death." "Some kind of root." " What does it do?" " Boil the root and drink the tea." "Very yummy tea." "PROF:" "Three times a day." "Within a week, you'll start to look younger, feel younger." "Doctor, I don't think our friend George has that much money." "Yes, yes, I do." "How much is it?" "Well, George, let me see." "$10,000 ought to cover it." "$10,000?" "$10,000?" "For a root?" "[Affirmative grunt]" "DENNIS:" "Hey, Mr. Wilson!" "[Bike horn beeps]" "You writing a check?" "What are you buying?" "He's buying this rare root." "That cool root thing over there?" "What's it do?" "Tell me." "It makes a person younger." "Golly!" "I'm seven and a half." "If I took some, I'd be six and a half?" "What if I took so much I was a little baby?" "And then I took some more!" "Yikes!" "It doesn't work like that." "Hey!" "Guess what I have?" "[Confrontational spaghetti Western music]" "DENNIS:" "I found one, too." "Ain't it cool looking?" "Mine's bigger than yours." "Where did you get that?" "Dead Man's Creek, by the bridge." "There's millions of them." "Here, you can have this one, Mr. Wilson." "There's lots more where that came from." "It's a miracle!" "I guess I won't need this check after all." "I'll use this root." "Cool." "I'm gonna go brew some tea with my root right now." "'Bye." "Wanna see what else I found?" "Look, the biggest one I've ever seen." "Golly, I guess that's one way to get rid of poison ivy." "Poison ivy." "First that kid costs us $10,000, and now this." " Lf I ever find out who he is..." " Dennis Mitchell." "All the pharmacists, all the clerks know him." "They say you're lucky." "You could have gone to the hospital." "Well, it's a good thing that Wilson's still hooked." "We'll get all his money yet." "Nobody beats the Professor." "Nobody." "Especially a 7-year-old." "[Kettle whistling]" "George, I thought you hated tea." "What is that terrible smell?" "A dead rat." "George, what in the world..." "GEORGE:" "It's gardening food." "No, no." "It's for planting." "It's planting food, planting food." "For gardening, planting food and gardening." "Yes." "George, are you all right?" "I mean, lately you've been acting strange." " Even more strange than usual." " Nonsense, nonsense." "Everything is fine." "[Lighthearted and carefree song plays]" "JOEY:" "Water, more water!" "Run for your life!" "Any minute the whole town is gonna be under water." "GINA:" "A flood." "A flood." "DENNIS:" "This is great mud." "[Clears throat]" "Hi, Margaret." "We're building a dam." "It's such a nice day." "I thought I'd take my collection of bugs out for a walk." "Did you say bugs?" "Margaret with bugs?" "I hope everyone here has all had their shots." "Now... stand back." "Cool." " What is it?" " A giant praying mantis." "I bet you it's poisonous." " Does it bite?" " Watch out." "He's hungry." "My mom washes dishes with something that looks like that." "He was about to attack." "I just saved your life." "Next a mutant roach." "GINA:" "That's amazing." "GUNTHER:" "I've never seen anything like that." "What a roach." "That's no roach." "Let me see it." "He has a headache." "And now, gentlemen, I give you the prize of my collection." "The biggest spider in the world." "MARGARET:" "He's big." "That's cool." "MARGARET:" "He's mean." "And he's really mad." " What a great bug." " He's beautiful." "A spider with claws?" "The claws are for swinging through the trees in the jungle." "That's cool." "You know, I have to take them home now." "It's time for their naps." "I'm gonna need a little help to get them home." "I'm gonna need a little help to get them home." "Okay, Margaret." "I'll help you take them home." "You will?" "Really?" "Thanks, Dennis." "JOEY:" "He's a goner." "Oh, no." "Dennis is going out with a girl, a crummy old girl." "JOEY:" "Not just any girl." "Margaret." "Just like a boy." "Fall for a girl just because she's got big bugs." "Yeah, with them great big bugs, she's gonna make Dennis her sweetie-pie." "Yuck!" "Guys... those bugs were phony." "I can't believe you fell for them." "They were?" "Them great bugs?" "Fakes?" "That crummy Margaret." "She don't fight fair." "Then we got to stop her." "We got to save Dennis from a fate worse than death." "ALICE:" "Henry?" "Henry Mitchell." "Henry, all these supplies from the Fireman's Carnival... could you put them where Dennis can't get into them?" "You mean where Dennis and your father can't get into them." "Could you hand them up to me, honey?" "GRANDPA:" "Alice?" "We're in here, Dad." "[Grandpa moaning]" "Dad." "We went for a walk in the woods." "If you're gonna try to keep up with Dennis, you're gonna kill yourself." "I forgot that being around Dennis was such hard work." "No wonder George is so grouchy all the time." "ALICE:" "That's it." "I'm canceling that campout that Dennis had planned... for the two of you in the backyard tonight." "You can't do that." "He's got his heart set on it." "I just saw him packing a suitcase upstairs." "Besides, I promised, Alice." "And I won't break a promise." "Oh, boy." "DENNIS:" "You'll eat these vegetables, ugly alien guy from outer space." "You're gonna eat these carrots." "Eat!" "Eat these beans!" "And broccoli!" "GRANDPA:" "Dennis." "Let the puppets go to sleep." "I got a better idea, Dennis." "Let me go to sleep." "DENNIS:" "But, Grandpa, what's the fun of a campout if you sleep through it?" "I bet I could stay awake clear through night." "All I have to do is sit here and think about keeping both eyes open." "Grandpa, Grandpa!" "Wake up, wake up!" "[Grandpa moaning]" "GRANDPA:" "Mercy." "Mr. Johnson... beautiful day, huh?" "GEORGE:" "Great to be alive." "GRANDPA:" "Go away." "Something wrong with your back?" "I was gonna ask you to go jogging today." "Too bad." "I guess you thought it'd be easy living with Dennis in the neighborhood?" "Well, it isn't." "George." " Martha." " That wasn't very nice." "Martha, I never win anything around here anymore." "Let me enjoy just this once." "What has come over you lately, George?" "[Car horn beeps]" "Who's that?" "A salesman." "I'll get rid of him." "Listen, big breakfast." "Waffles, toast, coffee, pancakes, everything." "The works." "The works." "That's what I want." "All that food?" "Yeah." "I'll be back in a minute." "I'll be back in a minute." "Doctor!" "Doctor!" "The Komatsu root." " It works." " It does?" "Of course it does." "Of course it does." "You should have seen the look on Johnson's face." "I mean, I feel so young." "And he looked like an old man." "That's fine, George." "Listen, we've made a startling new discovery." "A breakthrough." "Is that it?" "How does it work?" "We'll show it to you." "Where can we set it up?" "My garage." "[Lively instrumental music]" "PROF:" "Keep it coming." "Here we go." "DENNIS:" "Hey, Mr. Wilson." "What is that?" "Can I help?" "PROF:" "Get away." "It's not for kids." "Can I watch?" "Please?" "I won't touch anything." "Promise." "No!" "Oh, no." "Grandpa's already in a bad mood." "We better get this cleaned up." "GEORGE:" "What is it?" "The culmination of all our research." "The marriage of modern science and ancient folklore... all working together." "Look here." "Look at this old, dead, tired plant." "[Loud exploding and clanking]" "SYLVESTER:" "Look, pretty new flower." "Holy cow!" "Does it work on people?" "Of course." "Imagine it, George." "You'll feel younger, you'll look younger." "And not just you." "Mrs. Wilson, too." "MARTHA:" "George, your breakfast is getting cold." "I'll get my checkbook." "I want it." "Professor, that was awesome." "Just an old magician's trick." "My years with the Great Sandelini still come in handy." "DENNIS:" "Yuck, this stuff's nasty." "It's not working." "DENNIS:" "Hey, Mr. Wilson." "It's him." "The machine." "Keep him away." "Go away." "He's not here." "I just need to borrow his car-washing machine." "It's an emergency." "For pete's sake, give the kid what he wants." "Fine, take it." "Just leave." "Give me that." "That was close." "Okay." "Now we need lots of soap." "Come on." "Look for a big bottle of pink stuff." "[Lighthearted instrumental music]" "There!" "That's not a lot." "GEORGE:" "I'll be right back, Martha." " How much is this gonna cost me?" " For you, George, nothing." " It's free?" " It's free?" "Try it." "Use it for a couple of weeks, then you pay us what you think it's worth." "If it doesn't work for you and your wife, pay us nothing." "It's a deal." "DENNIS:" "This thing sure takes a lot of soap." "All we need from you is a small security deposit." "You'll get your deposit back when we collect this expensive equipment." "That sounds fair." "How much deposit do you want?" "Well, 10 percent of its value." "$15,000 should cover it." "That much?" "What's it matter?" "We're not gonna cash the check, George." "We're just gonna hold onto it." " Will I get it back?" " Of course." "You have our machine." "It's priceless." "Right." "I was being silly." "[Upbeat instrumental music]" "Cool." "Is this the weirdest soap?" "Smells sweet." "Yuck, Ruff." "Don't eat the soap." "Cotton candy." "Cool." "The car!" "Yikes." "It's stuck." "[Fast-paced instrumental music]" "DENNIS: [Yelling] Turn it off!" "So long, George." "Thanks for everything." "No, no." "Thank you." "[Dennis yelling]" "DENNIS:" "Turn it off!" "GEORGE:" "What the heck is going on out here?" "Dennis!" "DENNIS:" "It's just cotton candy." "Oh, my God, my wonderful machine!" "You've destroyed my machine!" "I'm ruined!" "Give me money, now!" "My insurance will pay for it." "When the police come we'll make out a report." " The cops!" " The cops!" "We got to get out of here!" "Doctor!" "Wait!" "[Police sirens blaring]" "[Machine alarm beeping]" " Isn't this that Mitchell house?" " That explains it." "A cotton candy 911 call, huh?" "HENRY:" "What happened?" "Dennis, did you get..." "DENNIS:" "What?" "Where did you get all..." "Are you..." "I was just washing Grandpa's car." "Look at my car!" "Dennis, look what you did!" "How could you?" "George, what in the world is that thing in the garage?" "The youth machine." "It's gone." "I'll never be young again." "Golly, I'm real sorry, Mr. Wilson." "Sorry?" "You've ruined my life again." "George." "Dennis, go to your room." "We'll talk about this later." "DENNIS:" "But, Mom, I was just trying..." "ALICE:" "No "buts."" "For years, one catastrophe after another." "I've never complained." "They say he's only a boy." "This child's no child!" "He's a living disaster!" "Martha, I know what we'll do." "We'll get some matches." "That's what I want you to do." "Get some matches, and we'll burn the house down... and collect the money from the insurance." "No, wait a minute!" "Better yet!" "We'll get Dennis, we'll give him the matches... we'll tell him to be careful, and then step back." "Hey, wait." "I have an idea, a way to make everybody happy." "This I got to hear!" "HENRY:" "George wants to move away." "Grandpa wants to be near Dennis, but it's awfully tight... with all of us under one roof." "So Grandpa buys George's house." "ALICE:" "That's a great idea." "It's just what everybody wants." "Wait a minute." "You mean I'd be living here?" "Really, really living here, full-time, next door to Dennis... for the rest of my life?" "Him?" "Him?" "Living in my house?" "Okay, then." "It's a deal." "[Sentimental instrumental music]" "Oh, no." "Mr. Wilson moving away?" "Dennis, no." "You can't go over to Mr. Wilson's." "He's very busy and you're still grounded." "Stay out of the way and don't step one foot over there till Mr. Wilson moves." "But suppose Mr. Wilson... really needs me, really, really bad?" "No." "But suppose he's in real danger and nobody else is around?" "No." "But suppose he's gonna die and nobody else is around to help... and only I can save him?" "No." "N-O, no." "Stay here." "Don't leave the yard." "That's an order." "Do you hear me?" "[Sinister instrumental music]" "Do you know what this means?" "He's got to play in his own yard." "That miserable kid is out of commission!" " Out of our hair." " On ice!" " In the penalty box." " History." " Benched." " Out of order." "Off duty." "Wilson is all ours." "DENNIS:" "Suppose he's gonna die?" "HENRY:" "No." " Hanging on by just one hand?" " No." " Okay, one finger." " Okay, okay." "If Mr. Wilson is in real bad danger... and if nobody else is around, and if he yells for help, and if he's hanging on... by only one finger..." "And if you, and only you, can save him... then you can go to Mr. Wilson's." "But only then." "Okay." "Thanks, Dad." "Hey, Mr. Wilson!" "I'm grounded." "My dad says I can't visit anymore." "Ever." "Good." "I just wanna apologize for blowing up your youth machine." "I guess now you'll have to stay all old and wrinkled up, huh?" "Yes, I do." "Yes, I do." "Thank you." "DENNIS:" "You're welcome." "I wish I could help you get younger like you want." "You know, I'm still awful young." "Oh, really?" "If I could, I'd take away... ten years of yours." "Then I'd be old enough to drive." "God help us." "I'm gonna be awful, awful sorry to see you go." "You're my bestest best friend in the whole world." "Dennis?" "You leave Mr. Wilson alone." "Well, I have to go now." "'Bye." "[Sentimental instrumental music]" "George, do you think we're doing the right thing?" "Moving from our home?" "MARTHA:" "Selling?" "GEORGE:" "I don't know, Martha." "I love this house as much as you do." "At least 10 times a day, after Dennis does one of those disastrous things..." "I swore we would move away and never come back." "Far away." "And here we are." "We're doing it." "We're actually moving." "I just hope it works for everybody... especially for Dennis." "He needs his grandfather." "And let's face it... his grandfather's a lot more fun to have around." "Well, he..." "George, he loves you, too." "He's gonna miss you." "He'll get over it." "A grandfather is special." "I'm just a... next-door neighbor." "But if Grandpa likes going away... and Mr. Wilson likes staying home... how come Grandpa's staying home and Mr. Wilson's going away?" "Dennis, they're adults." "They know what they're doing." "Good night." "Grownups are so weird." "Hi, it's me again, but I guess you already knew that." "At least you listen to me." "That's your job." "I think Mr. Wilson and Grandpa are about to make a big, big mistake." "And I'm just a kid, nobody pays any attention to me." "I can't even visit Mr. Wilson's house anymore, for crying out loud." "So if you'd like to give me some help here, I'd sure appreciate it." "Thanks." "Amen." "The end." "[Doorbell rings]" "I'll get it." "Hello!" "City termite inspectors." "City requires inspection on all residences prior to sale." "Not interested." "Goodbye." "Hold it!" "You can't sell the house unless you got a certificate of termite non-infestation." "It's the law." " It's for your protection." " Yeah, we're the government." "We're here to help you." " How much is this "help" gonna cost me?" " $200." "Up front." "I'll go get my checkbook." "SYLVESTER:" "Look at this!" "Termites!" "I don't see no termites." "Invisible mites, the worst!" "You can't see them, you can't kill them." "You got yourself some big problems." "Electrical service isn't up to code." "Plumbing and heating need major work." "Foundation is shot." "You're lucky the place hasn't burned down." "Here's your list." "It's a good thing we're selling this place to Johnson." "Now it's his problem." " Good day!" " No!" "You can't sell this house until these problems are corrected." " All of them?" " That's right." "All of them?" "Johnson." "It's his fault." "This house is unsafe." "You are required by law to fix all these problems... or the city will declare this house condemned." "Condemned?" "George!" "Do something." "Here's your list of the city-approved contractors." "If you like, we can start making the calls for you." "We have no choice." "[Lively instrumental music]" "Hey, Mr. Wilson!" "SYLVESTER:" "Kid, this stuff is poison." "Stay away." "Far away." "Hey." "You're not supposed to be here." "Scram!" "Hey!" "Go play somewhere else, kid." "All these workers and not one of them likes kids?" "PROF:" "He's going... going... gone!" "Now it's time to hit up George... for more money." "PROF:" "Your wiring is a disaster." "This roof is completely shot!" "Your radon levels are way off the chart!" "This con is the high point of my career." "GEORGE:" "I'll be up in the attic, Martha." "[Melancholy saxophone music]" "[Lively instrumental music]" "Today can't get any more rotten." "Why, Dennis." "Fancy bumping into you here." "I love ballet." "It's helping me develop grace and poise for my career as a supermodel." "Oh, look." "It's teatime." "GINA:" "Gentlemen, we have a crisis." "We got to rescue Dennis." "Now let's hear some ideas." "Kidnap Margaret's cat." "Offer a trade." " That cat's a man-eater." " So's Margaret." "Hey, Rodney Gibbs got the measles." "We just get him to go play with Margaret." "I got it." "Okay, listen." "Dennis thinks Margaret likes bugs, right?" "But she really hates them." "So we'll come up with the biggest, meanest... nastiest monster bug anyone ever saw." "Let's see how she likes that." "[Classical instrumental music]" "How's your tea, Dennis, dear?" "When I think of us married, sometimes you're a rich doctor... sometimes you're a rich lawyer." "What do you think, sweetums?" "I don't care." "[Upbeat adventurous music]" "MARGARET:" "Do you like..." "GUNTHER:" "Poor Dennis." "She's torturing him." "It's worse than I thought." "We have to move fast." "I'm gonna get a closer look." "Red Leader 1 to HQ." "How's it going over there?" "Sir, it'll be another two hours." "We need our secret weapon ready now!" "We can't do it, Captain." "Not enough time." "You have to be ready." "It's life or death." "Over and out." "Go, go, go!" "[Fast-paced instrumental music]" " Hey, Margaret." " You being a bug expert and all." "Identify this bug." "[Margaret screaming]" "Yikes!" "[Lively instrumental music]" "DENNIS:" "Guys, you can't go in there!" "Dad!" "Mr. Wilson!" "GEORGE:" "Help!" "Help!" "Oh, boy!" "Dad said if Mr. Wilson is in real bad danger... and nobody else is around to help, and if he hollers for help..." "Help!" "...and if he's only hanging on by one finger..." "Shucks." "He's hanging on by all five fingers." "Three, two..." "Only one more." "One!" "Yes!" "Mr. Wilson I'm coming to save you." "He's coming." "Run!" "[Lively instrumental music continues]" "DENNIS:" "Mr. Wilson, what are you doing out there?" "Catch, Mr. Wilson." "Dennis, let go of my foot!" "Dennis." "Dennis!" "Now's our chance to get out of here!" "Don't worry, Mr. Wilson." "I got you." "[Both screaming]" "DENNIS:" "Somebody, get me down!" "Nobody beats the Professor." "SYLVESTER:" "Professor, what about me?" "Stop!" "You didn't finish the repairs yet!" "Don't worry, Mr. Wilson." "I'll stop him." "[Confrontational spaghetti Western music]" "Professor?" "Every year at the National Police Chiefs' Seminar On Swindlers... you are the talk of the show!" "You're a legend!" "Why, thank you." "Dennis, Dennis!" "Dennis, I was so worried." "Are you all right, my sweet?" "DENNIS:" "I'm fine." "I'm fine." "Dennis, quick!" "Girls, yucky or cool?" "Why, yucky." "Of course." "I will not give up." "One day I will be Mrs. Dennis Mitchell." "George, what have you done?" "Rope around the foot!" "Flying face-first!" "Cement bag!" "Dennis!" "Dennis, Dennis!" "Dennis." "Dennis is a..." "A hero, George." "What?" "Mr. Wilson, you are a very lucky man." "Dennis, here, has just captured the best con men in the business." "Never lost a con until now." "Con men?" "Sylvester, were you the Indian doctor or the Chinese herbalist?" "The Indian, of course." "I love that." "The youth root." "What kind of an idiot is gonna fall for that one?" "You'd be surprised." "Here are your checks, George." "Let's book them, boys." "But..." "[Militant instrumental music]" "Con men." "Well, George, it seems Dennis is a hero." "What do you say to that?" "Oh, yeah, sure." " Thanks." " You're welcome, Mr. Wilson." "You know, you're a good kid deep down inside." "Very deep down." "I take back all those things I said about you." "Well, some of the things." "Most of the things." "And you're gonna miss him, too." "Aren't you, George?" "Yeah, I'll miss you." "Then don't move." "Neither of you guys wanna trade places." "Do you?" "All I want is my motor home back." "I promised Dennis I'd take him to the Grand Canyon." "After that, I'm just not cut out to be around kids all the time." "I don't know how you do it." "You're one in a million, George Wilson." "[Sentimental instrumental music]" "Mr. Wilson?" "You're my bestest friend in the whole world ever." "I've known you every single day of my whole life, for crying out loud." "I love Grandpa and all... but, even if he was living here..." "I'd still miss you an awful, awful lot." "Please don't move." "Please?" "Martha, we're not moving." "Yay!" "[Euphoric instrumental music]" "GRANDPA:" "What do you think of the Grand Canyon?" "DENNIS:" "I can't believe how big it is." "And it's great that we get to camp so close." "DENNIS:" "Wow, this is so cool." "GRANDPA:" "Very cool." "I bet Mr. Wilson wishes he was here." "I know." "I'll get some neat rocks for him." "That's a good idea." "I'm gonna take a little nap." "[Playful instrumental music]" "GRANDPA:" "Oh, no!" "Not that rock!" "Yikes!" "GRANDPA:" "Dennis!" "Dennis!" "[Christmas song plays]" "George, don't you wish you'd gone with Dennis and his grandfather?" "NEWSCASTER:" "We interrupt this broadcast to bring you footage... from a spectacular rescue at the Grand Canyon." "I was getting this rock for my best friend, Mr. Wilson." "I hope he likes it." "Hi, Mr. Wilson." "GRANDPA:" "Dennis!" "Dennis!" "He's a menace." "[Lighthearted swing song]" "SDH subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER" "English" " SDH"