"(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "(theme song ending)" "BOB LeMOND:" "In this city live Lucy and Ricky Ricardo." "Of course, you know Ricky as a famous Latin American orchestra leader and singer and Lucy as the famous, uh, um..." "Well, she's..." "her hair is very red, and she's married to Ricky." "In this district, close to theaters and nightclubs where Ricky works, they have a little apartment where they laugh, love, and thoroughly enjoy life." "They live in this apartment here on the seventh floor." "Now, let's look in on them." "Now, let's look in on them." "No, no, no, not that apartment." "Yes, that's right." "Okay." "It's 11:00 now." "They should be getting up." "Ricky is one of those individuals who wakes up in the morning bright and cheery." "(alarm clock rings)" "On the other hand," "Lucy is one of those individuals who, when she wakes up in the morning... (shower running)" "(shrieks)" "He looks like he got in later than I did." "(gasps)" "I wonder whatever happened to my type." "Ricky?" "Ricky?" "Ricky?" "!" "Yes, Lucy, what is it?" "If you'd known how I look in the morning, would you still have married me?" "Well, would you?" "I'm trying to decide." "I was just tizzing you, honey." "You look beautiful to me all the time." "You were not "tizzing" me." "I know you, Ricky Ricardo." "Just because you're going to be a big television star, you're casting me aside like an old shoe." "Now, please, don't talk about it until it happens." "What do you want to do, "jints" me?" ""Jints you?"" "Yeah, jints." "J-I-N... um... um..." ""X?"" ""X?" Don't be ridiculous." "I don't have to spell it." "It means "bad luck."" "Some sponsors are coming to the club to see my show, and if they like it, they'll put it on television." "That's all." "What night are they coming?" "Do you know?" "No." "You do, too." "I do not." "They're going to tell my agent, and Jerry will tell me as soon as he knows." "Well, it doesn't matter." "You'll never be a success on television anyway." "What?" "What do you mean" "I won't be a success on television?" "You don't have a pretty girl in your act." "Av-vi-vi-vi-vi, here we go again." "On television, you have to have a pretty girl to demonstrate the sponsor's product." "Yeah?" "Sure-- she eats it or drinks it or smokes it or waxes the floor with it or cuts potatoes with it or drives off in it." "Sure." "How would you like to have your sponsor's product demonstrated by a gorgeous redhead?" "I'd love it." "You know where I can find one?" "LA" "Oh, Ricky, stop." "You're getting lather all over." "Never mind that." "Help me find my ear." "You didn't really lose an ear." "Huh?" "(giggles softly):" "Stop." "Okay, you talked me into it." "You can demonstrate the sponsor's product on the show." "Good." "What is it?" "Men's shorts." "Oh..." "Now, look, Lucy, you know how I feel about this." "I don't want my wife in show business." " Why?" " Why?" "I asked you first." "Oh, honey, we've been over this 10,000 times." "I want a wife who is just a wife." "Now, look, all you got to do is clean the house for me, hand me my pipe when I come home at night, cook for me, and be the mama for my children." "You don't smoke a pipe." "It doesn't matter." "Just do the others." "You're missing a good bet." "I say you're missing a good bet." "Am I?" "Yeah." "How do you figure?" "Because I can sing." "Huh?" "And dance." "What else?" "And tell jokes." "How about it?" "No." "Oh, you have no imagination." "I'll bet if Ziegfeld or Earl Carroll had seen me, they'd sign me up like that." "As what?" "As a beautiful showgirl." "(doorbell ringing)" "Go answer the door." "Hello, Jerry." "Hiya, baby." "Well, this is it, boy." "Tonight is the night!" "This is it!" "Tonight is the night!" "S-S-Shh!" "What do you mean, "Shoosh"?" "Shout it from the housetops, boy." "This is it!" "(muffled yelling)" "Tonight is the night the sponsors are coming down to catch your show for TV." "Fine, fine, but I don't want Lucy to hear." "If she knows the audition is tonight, she'll pester the life out of me." "Oh, I see." "Well, have you got everything all set?" "Sure, everything's fine." "Can you get that clown act you want to put in the show?" "You mean Pepito?" "Yeah, Pepito, the fella that rides on the bicycle." "Yeah, I'll have him do the bicycle act," "and then he can do that cello bit." "That's good." "Fine." "Then everything is all taken care of, huh?" " Everything's fine." "Okay, I'll see you down at the club later." "All right, Jerry." " Good." "Yeah." " Bye-bye." "Oh, ooh!" "I almost forgot." "The lawyer gave me this yesterday." "He wants you and Lucy to..." "Hey, what am I whispering for?" "He wants you and Lucy to sign it, and I'll take it right back to him." "What is it?" "Well, you know, I don't think he has much confidence that you'll be a success in television." "It's your will." "He's been talking about that for months." "Well, come on, boy." "Let's get going with it." "Get it signed because on account of you" "I got to take it all the way back downtown." "Hey, wait a minute, Jerry." "You run along." "I'll have Lucy take it down to the attorneys." "Lucy?" "Well, now, why should she have to go all the way down there?" "It'll take her most of the day, and I won't have her in my hair during rehearsals." "Oh, I see." "Is she still trying to get in the act?" "Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi." "Ah, well, I give up." "I tell you, I'll see you later, huh?" "All right, Jerry." " Hey, now, don't forget:" "knock 'em dead tonight." "Shh!" "(mouthing)" "Lucy, I got something..." "Lucy?" "No." "And that's final." "(whistling)" "Hurry up, honey." "Coming, master." "Who was that at the door?" " Jerry." " Jerry?" "What did he say?" "Does he know anything yet?" "What did he say?" "What did he say?" "'What did he say?" "What did he say?" "What did he say?"" "Nothing." "Just business." "He brought my will." "Oh." "I'll get your toast for you." "Your will?" "Yeah." "What's the matter, Ricky?" "Nothing is the matter." "There is, too." "You're keeping something from me." "(gasping):" "You're sick." "I never felt better in my whole life." "Then you lied to me when we were married." "You're really older than I think." "Now, look, honey, this is just good business." "The lawyer said I should have a will." "Then everything is legally taken care of if anything happens, that's all." "I won't discuss it." "Look, you have to know what to do so that you know what you... going to happen when, when I go." "All right, Ricky." "That's better." "(wailing)" "Now what's the matter?" "Oh, Ricky, I miss you so!" "For goodness' sakes, Lucy," "I haven't gone yet." "Don't go, Ricky." "Don't go!" "Now, look, honey, I'm perfectly well." "I feel fine." "But let's face it, we all have to go sometime." "We do?" "We do unless you know something the rest of us dun't." "No, I "dun-t."" "I'll get your toast for you." "All right." "He brought your will along, too." "My will?" "Yeah." "What for?" "You're the one that's going." "Now, Lucy..." "What are you trying to do, shove me ahead of you in line?" "Look, honey, this isn't my idea." "It's the lawyers'." "We got to get them signed, and you got to take it down to the attorneys today." "Impossible." "I have an appointment to have my hair dyed." "Washed." "They got to go today." "Aw, Ricky, the attorney's way downtown." "It'll take me all day." "Yeah, I know." "Look, Lucy, forget about the toast." "I got to go to the club." "Oh, Ricky, do I have to take them down today?" "Can't they wait?" "Absolutely not." "Why not?" "Well... well, suppose you didn't take them down till tomorrow." "Yes?" "And we both got killed today." "Yes?" "How could you take them down tomorrow?" "Oh, yeah, that's right." "(playing upbeat Cuban music)" "♪ Babalu aye ♪" "♪ Babalu aye ♪" "♪ Babalu aye ♪" "♪ Babalu aye... ♪" "Yeah!" "(applause)" "Fellows, what's the use of having a rehearsal if we're not going to do it right?" "When you sing, don't go, "Ah, ah, ah, ah."" "Go "Ah!" "Ah!" "Ah!" "Ah!"" "Let's put some pep into the thing, you know?" "All right?" "Okay, all right." "Pepito!" "Haven't you got your costume on yet?" "I'm coming!" " All right." " Start my music!" " Come on, let's go!" " All right." "Let's get "Valencia."" "(upbeat jazz intro plays)" "(applause)" "(coughs)" "(whistles)" "(intro stops)" "(laughs)" "Siempre elegante." "(sucking noise)" "(orchestral intro plays)" "Ayudame un poquito." "Como no, mucho gusto." "Ah, thanks, Sefior Ricardo, muchas gracias." "My impression of a baby cry." "(squeals)" "(screeches)" "(imitates baby crying)" "(bawling)" "(applause)" "(imitates baby crying)" "(screaming)" "(applause)" "(muttering)" "The world's smallest bicycle." "Make myself comfortable, Balley, Senor Balley." "(audience laughing)" "(trombone sting)" "No, trombonista." "(drum sting)" "(music plays, light applause)" "(applause)" "(music stops)" "Hey, Don Carmen," "Don Pepe, that's wonderful." " Te gusta, eh?" " Very good." "Listen, aren't you going to do the big bicycle, you know, the zigzag business?" " Oh, the zigzag?" " Yeah." "All right?" " Okay, vamos a ver." " Okay." "(music playing)" " Pepito!" " Pepito!" "(all shouting)" "Pepito!" "Are you all right?" "Well, I'm alive." "All you need is a little rest." " Help him along there." " I go home." "No, Pepito, don't go home, would you?" "That's too far." "Why don't you go over to my apartment?" "There's nobody there." "You can rest for a couple of hours." " Okay." " All right?" "My bicycle broke!" "They'll help you with it." "Will you help him?" "Sure." "Take it easy now, Pepe, will you?" "I, I, I'll be all right." "All right." "You go and finish your rehearsal." "All right, Pepe, take it easy now." "Go with him, would you, fellows?" "Let's, uh, let's take "The Continental."" ""The Continental," you ready?" "Okay." "(trumpets start)" "All right, all right." "What kind of a start is that?" "(orchestra grumbles)" "All right, all right." "Drumroll." "(trumpet fanfare)" "(upbeat Cuban music playing)" "(screaming)" "It's me." "It's me, Pepito!" "Pepito!" "What are you doing here?" "Oh, I hurt myself at rehearsal." "Ricky told me to come here and rest." "What are you doing at rehearsal?" "Are they getting ready for that television audition?" "It's tonight." "Tonight!" "Why, that big bum." "So that's why he wanted me to traipse all the way downtown." "Just to get rid of me." "Well, how do you feel, Pepito, all right?" "Uh, not so good." "Gee, what's Ricky going to do if you're not there?" "Who will he get?" "I don't know." "Maybe you can take my place." "Oh, don't be ridicu..." "Hey, . ." " Pepito!" " Yeah?" " You look awful." " I do?" "Yeah, you're, you're hurt worse than you think." " I am?" "!" "Yeah, you'd better lie down and rest." "No, no, no, I, I, I," "I need, I need to do it for Ricky." "Feels pretty good." "It does, huh?" "I think I can do it." "You do, huh?" "Yup, yeah, I think I can do it just fine." "(phone rings)" "Hup!" "Eh!" "(yells)" "(crashing)" "Still think you can make it tonight, Pepito?" "(groans)" "(dramatic intro plays)" "♪ Granada ♪" "♪ Tu tierra esta llena a'" "♪ De lindas mujeres ♪" "♪ De sangre a'" "♪ De sol... a'" "♪ !" "Olé!" ", y" "♪ !" "Olé!" ", y" "(music stops)" "(applause)" "Here, did, did, did, did Pepito show up yet?" "No, he has not come." "Oh, my goodness, here we are, we're giving the audition, the sponsor's out there, and, and he's not here yet." "What am I going to do?" "I'll tell you what I'll do." "I'll do one more number, and if he doesn't show up by then," "I, I'll just have to close the show." " All right?" " All right." "Okay." "Eh, we'll do "Cabbie," eh?" "Give me the hat." "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention for a minute, please?" "You know, the last time that we went to Havana, we met a fellow down there that we'd like to talk to you about because he's really quite a character." "He, uh, he drives a horse and buggy in Havana." "As a matter of fact, he drives the only horse and buggy left in Havana." "He, uh, he doesn't believe in taxi cabs." "He says a taxi cab and a Havana moon don't go well together." "So he's broke all the time, but he's happy." "Everybody knows him down there." "They all like him, and they call him "The Cuban Cabbie."" "And if you want to see him, all you got to do is just come down with me to Havana." "We sit in the open-air cafes in El Prado." "And he'll be riding up and down the boulevard." "Every night." "And if you happen to be in the mood for listening, you probably hear him singing something like this." "(clip-clop music)" "Giddyap there, Pinto." "I forgot to tell you." ""Pinto" is the name of the horse. -(laughter)" "♪ My horse and carriage is for hire, Senor ♪" "♪ For just as long as you desire J"" "♪ Senorita ♪" "♪ Do you want to ride ♪" "♪ Forget the manana and come to Havana with me ♪" "♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪" "♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪" "♪ The taxi drivers drive you frantic, you know ♪" "♪ Oh, but my rig is more romantic and so ♪" "♪ Do you want to ride?" "♪" "♪ An eye full of splendor and you can depend upon me ♪" "♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪" "♪ And I need dinero ♪" "Money, that is." "You're broke, too, eh?" "♪ The moon is peeping, the shadows creeping ♪" "♪ It's time for riding through the park ♪" "♪ A lovely night for lovers ♪" "♪ The same as you two are ♪" "♪ If you like music, I'll give you music ♪" "♪ As we go riding in the dark ♪" "♪ I'll sing Spanish love songs to the strains of my guitar ♪" "♪ Ese lunar que tienes ♪" "♪ Cielito lindo, junto a la boca ♪" "♪ No se, lo des a nadie, cielito lindo ♪" "I'm just kidding, fellow." "♪ Que a mi me toca ♪" "♪ Aye, aye, ya, aye ♪" "Everybody, sing, sing!" "♪ Canta y no llores ♪" "Canta!" "♪ Porque cantando se alegran ♪" "♪ Cielito lindo, los corazones ♪" "Once more, everybody!" "♪ Aye, aye, ya, aye ♪" "Aye, yay, yay." "♪ Canta y no llores ♪" "♪ Porque cantando se alegran, cielito lindo, los cora... ♪" "ORCHESTRA:" "!" "ole!" "You're a fine one." "I'm singing a love song." "She's getting hysterical." "(laughter)" "♪ My horse and carriage is for hire, senor ♪" "♪ For just as long as you desire, senorita ♪" "♪ Do you want to ride ♪" "♪ The sweet senoritas and gay caballeros know me ♪" "♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪" "♪ And I know my business ♪" "♪ And I mind my business ♪" "♪ You want to ride ♪" "ORCHESTRA:" "♪ You want to ride ♪" "♪ You want to ride ♪" "ORCHESTRA:" "♪ You want to ride ♪" "♪ Do you want to ride?" "♪" "(applause)" "(mouthing)" "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen." "Thank you." "You've been a wonderful audience, but I am afraid that we're going to close... (deep voice):" "Have you seen a fellow named Risky Riskerdoe?" "Have you seen a fellow named Risky Riskerdoe?" "Have you...?" "Hah!" "(applause)" " Who are...?" "(screams)" "Who are you looking for?" "I'm looking for a fellow named Risky Riskerdoe." "I'm Ricky Ricardo." "Oh, well, pleased to meet you." "Pleased to meet you." "You know where I can find Risky Riskerdoe?" "Huh?" "Now, look, Pepito-- I mean..." "Lucito-- um... we're doing a show here, you know." "Oh, yeah, I know, I know." "Well, what do you want?" "I want to be in the band." "Oh!" "You're a musician." "I am?" "Oh, I am!" "I am, yeah!" "Where do I sit?" "Hey, wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Come back here." "What do you think you can do?" "Just walk up here like this and start working with the band?" "(snapping fingers)" " Just like that?" "Just like that?" "(band member chuckling)" "What do you think this is?" "First of all, I'll have to see your credentials." "(gasping)" "Have you had any experience?" "Look, Professor..." "Professor, come here, will you?" "Tell me something." "Do you play that thin'?" "How's that?" "I say, do you play that thin'?" "What "thin"'?" "Never mind making fun of my English." "That's English?" "(audience laughing)" "Do you pl...?" "Do you play that instrument?" " Where?" " There." " Where?" " Right there." " Where?" " There." "You brought it up here." "Right there." "There." "Oh!" " There!" " There." "Do you play it?" "Well..." " Yeah." " Yeah." "Well, I'll tell you what we do." " We'll give you an audition." " Huh?" "We'll listen to you." "Play something." "We'll listen." " No!" " Yes." " Now?" "Oh, my!" " Right now." " You want to help me?" " Okay." "I'll help you with it, sure." " Thanks a lot." " You're welcome." "(audience laughing)" "(drumbeat)" " Wh...?" "(drumbeats)" "(drumroll)" "(drumbeats)" "(drumbeats continue)" "(drumbeats)" "(drumroll)" "(cymbal clashes)" "(drumming stops)" "Oh." "There you are, Professor." "Gracias." "Gracias to you, too." "(creaking)" "(applause and laughter)" "Yes, Professor?" "(mouthing)" "Oh..." "(Speaking Spanish)" "Huh?" "(speaking Spanish)" " Gracias." " Gracias." "All right, everybody ready?" "We go with the professor on the downbeat." "Any time you're ready, Professor, we go with you." "Okay." " Ready!" " Aah-ah!" "(band playing fast tune)" "(music stops)" "(drumbeats)" "Profess..." "Professor, please, come over here, will you, please?" "Look, Professor, I'm sorry, but I haven't got any use for a cellist." " No!" " No." "I'll tell you what, though." " I have a brand-new instrument." " Yeah?" " And I've been looking for somebody who can play it." "Oh..." "And if you can play it..." " Yeah." "...you got yourself a job." "Oh..." "Yeah." "Oh..." "Yeah." "Oh!" "You want to try it?" "Well, what is it?" "It's a saxa-fifa- trona-phono-vich." "Oh, saxa-fifa- trona-phono-vich." "You think you can play it?" " Oh, sure, sure." " Well, that's wonderful." "The professor can play it." "Bring it out here." "Professor, we'll take care of the cello for you." "Here you are." "Take good care of the professor's cello now, all right?" " ♪ Saxa-fifa-trona-phono-vich ♪" " Here you are, Professor." " ♪ Saxa-fifa-trona-phono-vich ♪" " Back here, Professor." " ♪ Saxa-fifa-trona... ♪" " Professor." " What?" " Professor, back here." "Now, Professor..." "all you got to do is just give us a tune" "Right." " And you got yourself a job." " Right." " All right?" " Right." " Go to it." " Right." "(screams)" "That's it right there, Professor." "Right there." "Go ahead." "Any tune." "Any tune." "(audience laughing)" "(horns playing simple tune)" "(sharp note plays)" "(imitates seal barking)" " Up!" "Up!" "(imitates seal)" "(band playing fast tune)" "Ricky, where you been?" "It's almost 3:00." "Ricky, talk to me." "Oh, Ricky." "Gee, I was only trying to help you, honest." "I never dreamed they'd offer me a contract." "What are you going to do about it?" "What do you want me to do, Ricky?" "You know what I want." "All I want you to do is just clean the house..." "Oh, I-I've been cleaning the house ever since I got home." "...and hand me my pipe..." "And cook for you and be the mama for your children." "Let's see you pull that out of your pocket." "Well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that, Ricky." "Well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that, Ricky." "I... have a surprise for you." "You do?" "Yeah, something that should make you very happy." "Lucy... you mean?" "Yes, darling." "I baked your favorite pie." "(applause)" "(I Love Lucy theme music plays)"