"Hey" "Are you studying again?" "You realize how depressing that is to come home to?" "As depressing as coming home to an empty lasagna tray?" "Touché, Michael." "It's just a reminder of the fact that I have no social life here." "I'm having the worst dry spell ever." "Mine's lasted 20 years, but go on." "I mean, in New York, if you see a pretty girl..." "... youcouldwalkuptoher, you know?" "But here, they're in cars." "They go whipping past me at, like, a million miles an hour." "You know, like today." "I saw this pretty girl driving toward me..." "... soI makeaU-turn and get a ticket for 800 bucks." "Eight hundred dollars for a U-turn?" "Yeah." "We may have been on a freeway at the time, but" "I wish I had a regular place to go and meet women." "Well, you could go to bars." "No, I'm getting too old for that." "Plus, I'm not great at telling whether or not they're gay bars before I go in." "Oh, by the way, if Ramon calls, I am not here." "Hey." "Joey, come here." "Look at this." "The world is a freaking joke." "Cargo pants are five minutes ago?" "The world is a freaking joke." "No, the thing about the celebrity hairstylist." "I went to cosmetology school with that girl." "She was bad." "She burned way more hair than I did, and I burned some hair." "Now I read about her living a glamorous life and rubbing elbows with celebrities." "That should be me." "You cut my hair, I'm on TV." "No offense, but you're only slightly more famous..." "... thanmyclient who shot her husband." "Hello, giant plate of sandwiches." "Joey, listen." "Hey, Michael." "Didn't see you there." "Hands off." "These are for my book club tonight." "Book club?" "Here?" "In my own home?" "God, it's like I'm living at the Playboy Mansion." "Stay away from the sandwiches." "Watch him, Mom." "I can't believe this." "It's so upsetting when people with less talent than you are more successful." "Yeah, like that dog from my beer commercial?" "couldn't catch a Frisbee on cue, works all the time." "You know, you should ask your agent to hook me up." "She has famous clients that need their hair done." "Show her my portfolio." "She'll be impressed." "I can show it to her..." "... butshemightnot beimpressed." "Michael models the hairstyles." "Even the women's." "So?" "So?" "That Dorothy Hamill haircut with the heavy makeup?" "We're lucky he's not burying bodies in the back yard." "Joey." "What are you doing here?" "Why aren't you out there getting work?" "Didn't have any auditions today." "Oh, sure." "Put it all on me." "What's that?" "Oh, it's a portfolio of hairstyles." "What?" "Who's the model?" "I'd like to keep that little piece of chicken..." "... inmypocket and snack on him all day." "That's my nephew." "Well, we can see who has the looks in your family." "Anyway, my sister is a hairdresser, and that's her portfolio." "I was hoping you could show it to some of your clients." "Absolutely." "Hi." "Halle Berry?" "My client has a sister who's a barber." "Could she do your hair for the Oscars?" "What'd she say?" "Joey, I'm not here to do you personal favors." "Let me explain how this agent thing works." "First, you become famous." "And then I'll kiss your ass." "But until then, let's keep it strictly professional." "Okay." "Sorry." "I understand." "Leave the pictures of the boy toy." "Well, hello." "Are you here for book club?" "I am now." "What did you think of the week's book?" "I found it extremely fictional." "Joey." "Joey." "Can I just talk to you for one second?" "Yeah." "Sorry." "What are you doing?" "You didn't tell me there were pretty ladies in the nerd club." "You gotta let me in." "I don't know." "Hey, come on, Michael." "You can't kick me out of a room full of women." "If I was in charge of a room of boring stuff, I'd let you in." "This isn't one of those book clubs where people come to mingle, all right?" "It's a place to discuss literature." "Not pick up girls." "Oh, my God." "Jane's here." "Jane." "Hi, Michael." "I brought an ice-cream cake." "That's great." "It's great to see you." "Great book, huh?" "So great." "A little slow at the beginning, but great overall." "Did you think it was great?" "The cake is cold." "My hands are getting numb." "Not a place to pick up girls, huh?" "What, Jane?" "No way." "No, are you kidding?" "No, I would never-- -"Great, great." "Great, great." "Great."" "All right." "I love her so much." "All right." "So ask her out." "Book club has a no-dating rule, and I'm the president." "She's vice president." "The scandal would tear our administration apart." "Michael, you have to seize this moment." "The love between two nerds is a rare and fragile thing." "I want to." "I can't go against the rules without a motion being passed." "I'll make one." "You're not a member." "There's an approval process." "I motion you suspend it..." "... since I'm the payer of rent for the club's headquarters." "I second the motion." "The motion is passed." "I motion for presidential exemption to the no-dating rule." "I second." "The motion is passed." "I motion that you and me eat that entire ice-cream cake right now." "Motion denied." "Mr. chairman, you're out of order." "Great book club tonight." "Lively discussion, and I got five phone numbers." "Yeah, the girls were crazy about you." "What's your secret?" "Well, there's no trick." "Women just wanna be listened to." "So when they talk, I pretend to listen and go like this:" "How'd it go with Jane?" "Did you ask her out?" "No, I wanna wait till next week's meeting so I can set the mood." "So I picked a romantic book..." "... andaskedhertocome byright before to help write the discussion questions." "Nice." "Nice." "What's the book?" "Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice." "It's a tale of manners and courtship set in 1 9th-century rural England." "I hope you enjoy reading that." "Joey, if you're gonna be in this book club, you have to read the book." "The whole notion of-- Stop that." "Stop it!" "Hey, guys." "Hey, Mom." "So is your agent gonna send me any clients?" "No." "Actually, Bobbie's been very busy." "I don't know if you should expect a call." "Your agent?" "She did call." "Really?" "It was odd." "She called me her little chicken nugget..." "... thenmade a bunch of slurping noises." "That's just show-biz talk, so... ." "I can't believe you don't know anyone famous." "If you hadn't turned down that show, you'd have connections to help me." "Yeah, that's what I regret most about that decision." "I'm sorry to bug you, but did you get some of my mail by mistake?" "I didn't get People magazine, and the post office said they delivered it." "Gina, weren't you reading that?" "What?" "I'm not good enough to steal your magazine?" "It's okay." "It's upstairs." "I'll go get it." "No, that's okay." "You don't need to leave us alone." "So tell me, do you--?" "Oh, this isn't a social hour." "What famous people do you know?" "Oh, well..." "... mycollegefriendJessica is married to a bigtime movie producer." "Does she wear expensive gowns and get her hair done and go to premieres?" "All the time." "She goes to one every week." "Oh, you're lying to impress me." "No, I'm not lying." "She's a good friend of mine." "Yeah, right." "I'd like to see you ask her to let me do her hair." "All right, I will." "Wait." "What just happened?" "No, I'm really good." "I swear." "I just need a chance." "If you call her and set it up, I'll be nice to you." "For how long?" "Name your terms." "Two weeks." "Done." "I should've said three." "And now you're down to one." "Hey." "Hello." "Hey, listen." "Tonight, at book club, don't have Diane sit next to Maureen." "Why?" "I may be dating them both exclusively." "That's Jane." "I'll get out of your hair until book club." "I'll be in my room reading  andlisteningto some soft rock hits of the '70s." "You believe someone threw this out?" "No." "Hi." "come in." "I'm sorry." "You just look great." "Thanks." "You look... ." "I don't know." "I can't see without my glasses." "I probably shouldn't have driven here." "So..." "... didyouenjoythe book?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, it's pretty romantic." "Very." "I wanted to ask you" "Don't mind me." "Just grabbing a snack." "Reading makes me hungry." "I'm sorry." "He's" "So I was just" "So I was just thinking that maybe we could loosen up the rules of book club." "Oh, okay." "Like maybe we could..." "... striketheno-datingrule?" "Oh, yes, let's do that." "Okay, okay." "Consider it stricken." "Okay, great." "So we can date people in book club." "Yes, we can." "So, what's up with your uncle?" "I'm sorry?" "Well..." "... doyouthinkhewouldgoout  with me?" "He mentioned he was single..." "... andI washoping you'd say something." "I'm gonna go read in the courtyard." "Give you two some privacy." "Four down, 371 to go." "Hey." "Hey." "I wanted to tell you guys to watch TV tonight." "I did Alex's friend's hair, and she's gonna be on the red carpet." "Oh, how'd it go?" "Oh, I was a little nervous at first." "She's a very fancy lady." "She was drinking martinis and sitting with her legs crossed." "But then I got into it, and instinct took over." "I did this beautiful, old Hollywood style up-do." "Congratulations." "All right." "I'm gonna go tell Michael." "No, no." "He's in there with a girl." "He's in there with a girl, and you're reading books." "What is this, Freaky Friday?" "All right, I guess I'll go tell blondie how it went." "Call her Alex." "You promised you'd be nice." "Hey, only one more day of that, and some stuff is gonna happen." "Five minutes left." "I gotta buckle down." "Hey, little snail." "Hi, Joey." "Diane, Maureen." "You two know each other?" "Oh, yeah." "We're good friends." "I did not know that." "Come on in." "Hi, Joey." "What's up?" "Listen, Michael, I didn't exactly finish the book, okay?" "So don't call on me." "You're unbelievable." "What?" "Come here." "What's wrong?" "Did you ask Jane out?" "No, I didn't." "She wants to go out with you." "Oh, dude, I'm so sorry." "Obviously, I would never" "You screwed this up for me." "I didn't mean to." "I barely said two words to her." "You didn't have to." "You came last week..." "... withyourgameface, looking to score, and it worked." "You're like a big blob of sex." "You oozed your charm all over the girl I like." "I am not a sex blob." "Okay?" "This is not my fault." "I'm sorry if she likes me..." "... but I didn't do anything wrong." "I should never have let you in." "Should we get started?" "Yes." "Come, Joey." "Let's talk about the book we all read." "Nothing past page four." "I wanted to tell you what a great time" "Book club is starting, everybody." "Book club." "Okay, so who wants to start?" "I thought" "Joey, what did you think of Pride and Prejudice?" "Let's hear it." "What were some of the central themes?" "Well, pride was one." "Yeah." "And, of course, prejudice, which is wrong." "Oh, yes." "And what did you think of Darcy?" "She was good." "Darcy's a man." "But not in the modern sense." "Is that what you're saying, Joey?" "Yes, it is." "Yes, it is, Maureen." "Thank you." "That's interesting." "That's very interesting." "He didn't read the book." "He's only here to pick up women." "In the interest of maintaining the integrity of book club..." "... Imotionthatwekick Joey out." "Who seconds?" "come on, he didn't read the book." "Neither did I." "Me neither." "I saw the movie." "There was a movie?" "Did anyone here read the book?" "You put too much pressure on us, Michael." "A book a week?" "It's just really gotten very stressful." "How is reading stressful?" "Reading is fun." "It's fun!" "Okay." "Okay, let's not turn this into a hostage situation." "lf you want me to leave, I will." "No." "You know what?" "I'm just gonna go." "Okay, it's almost time for the big premiere." "I made popcorn." "Nice place." "Who's the knockout in the tiara?" "Oh, that's my sister, Nancy." "She was queen of the Rose Parade." "You're cute, but you shouldn't stand next to her in family pictures." "Yeah, that's what my mom says." "You know, I appreciate you helping me out." "I mean, I know I mess with you sometimes, but it's for fun." "Oh, yeah." "That is fun." "So this is actually kind of nice, being friendly." "Maybe we could keep it up longer than a week." "I physically can't." "Oh, my God." "It's on." "Tonight in Hollywood, the stars are out." "Look at George Clooney." "I would wear him down to a nub." "Yeah, I would have bunches of sex with him." "That's Jessica's husband getting out the limo." "Oh, my God, this is exciting." "Oh, there she is." "She actually looks really good." "Not that I'm surprised." "I mean, when I said "actually," I didn't mean" "What?" "What's wrong?" "She took it down." "What?" "That wasn't the style I gave her." "She must have taken it out in the limo." "She hated it." "I can't believe this." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "I knew when I walked in I was out of my league..." "... butI spenttwohours trying to fake it." "Oh, no." "There, there." "I can't believe I ever thought I could do this." "I don't fit in with rich people." "They look down on me." "They always have, and they always will." "With their grammar and leg crossing... ." "Hey." "Don't be saying that, girlfriend." "Okay, look." "I grew up with money, and I don't look down on you." "lf anything, I envy you." "Oh, come on." "It's true." "I wish I were as strong and as confident as you." "And if it were me, I would be more than happy to have you do my hair." "Really?" "You mean that?" "Absolutely." "So can we do it right now?" "Now?" "Oh, now seems so soon." "Look, Michael, it's Joey." "I know you're mad, but I hope you come home soon..." "... sowecantalkabout how you're feeling and work this out." "And if you get a chance to pick up tacos or something..." "... on your way home, that'd be great." "Hey." "Look..." "... I know you're upset because Jane liked me, all right?" "I hope you know I would never come between you and a girl, all right?" "And I really did not mean for that to happen." "No, I know you didn't." "That's the problem." "What?" "It's" " It's gonna happen whether you try or not." "You know, any time I get a girl and bring her home..." "... she'll take a look at you and forget me." "Hey, come on." "Give yourself some credit." "Michael, you have so many gifts that I don't have." "You're really smart." "People respect your opinion about stuff." "That's a great thing." "Maybe, you know." "I'd still rather have your gifts." "Yeah, me too." "Hey, but believe me, you are on your way to big things, okay?" "Because you're only gonna get better with girls and stuff." "But I'll always suck at math." "You know, in like five years, you are gonna be a force to be reckoned with." "Yeah." "And in five years..." "... you'll be 40." "You got a lot of your mother in you, don't you?" "Okay." "Ladies and gentlemen..." "... modelinganoriginalGinaTribbiani hairstyle called The Nice and Nasty..." "... IgiveyouAlexGarrett." "Now that's a neighbor." "Come on." "Get your camera." "I want some pictures." "You look so different." "I can't believe you own an outfit that slutty." "Hey, that's mine." "I wear that to church." "You're very nice to be such a good sport." "Can I tell you something?" "I love it." "I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman." "You know she was a hooker, right?" "Yes." "I have to go look at myself in the mirror again." "Joey, I've got great news." "Oh, did I get that commercial?" "No, I bought a horse." "Joey, come on." "I gotta get to school." "Oh, hi." "I'm Michael." "Have a seat." "Joey, I completely forgot." "There's a residual check for you in the accounting department." "Why don't you go grab it?" "All right." "Okay, I'll be right back." "I'll be right back." "So, Michael..." "... howdoyoufeel about full-frontal nudity?" "I'm not an actor." "Oh, yes." "I know." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH]"