"(MAN REPORTING NEWS ON RADIO)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "(MAN SPEAKING ON PHONE)" "(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)" "(PEOPLE CHATTERING ON RADIOS)" "(SINGING) Woke up cold one Tuesday" "I'm looking tired and feeling quite sick." "I felt like there was something missing in my day-to-day life." "So I quickly opened the wardrobe." "Pulled out some jeans and a T-Shirt that seemed clean." "Topped it off with a pair of old shoes that were ripped around the seams." "And I thought these shoes just don't suit me." "Hey, I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything's right." "I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling" "(SCREAMING)" "It's so inviting, oh." "I told you I don't have time to wait." "What is this?" "Do you have any idea?" "What's going on?" "I made my way to the kitchen" "I know, honey, I'm on my way, okay?" "But I had to stop from the shock of what I found" "(BEEPING)" "Hi." "I need to check your bag." "My friends dancing round and round." "And I thought Hello, new shoes Bye-bye, them blues." "Hey, I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything's right." "I said, hey, I put some new shoes on" "(BEEPING)" "It's so inviting, oh Short on money but long on time." "Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine." "And I'm running late and I don't need an excuse." "'Cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes" "(HONKING)" "(BEEPING) Right this way." "(BEEPING AGAIN)" "Come on, let's go." "Get out of the way, now." "Hold it!" "(TIRES SQUEAL)" "COMPUTER VOICE:" "Please take the ticket." "Please take the ticket." "(HONKING)" "Please take the ticket." "(HORN BLARING)" "Take me wandering through these streets." "Where bright lights and angels meet." "Stone to stone they take me on." "Oh." "Come on!" "Get in there!" "Hey, I put some new shoes on" "(GRUNTING)" "And suddenly everything is right" "I said, hey, I put some new shoes on." "MALE VOICE ON RECORDING:" "Please insert card." "It's so inviting, oh Short on money." "Please insert card." "Slowly strolling." "Please insert card." "And I'm running late, and I don't need an excuse." "Please insert card." "I can't follow you guys." "You drive too slow." "Bernie." "Hey." "Sad, huh?" "Tragic." "Poor Jocelyn." "It's ridiculous." "Daniel, he was her world." "Hold up." "Cat hair." "Oh, that's why I never wear black." "Don't even look in the mirror anymore." "Should've thought of it years ago." "We celebrate a very special life as we lay to rest Jocelyn's cherished companion, Pridey Sahara Morgan." "(CRYING)" "SYLVIA:" "Honey, we have to stay." "She raised him from a puppy." "All I know is that if I'm not back in the office this afternoon," "Monday is gonna be hell." "She went to every one of Allegra's birthday parties." "Oh, come on." "Allegra is our actual child." "Let's get some perspective here." "Do you think if Jocelyn were married with kids she'd be giving her dog a state funeral?" "This whole thing is warped." "(GLASS SMASHING)" "I find that personally offensive, Dad." "What?" "I mean, I may never be married or be a mother." "Yes, some gay women get some version of that, but we don't all need the same things." "Can we at least agree that human beings need" "human connection?" "You know, companionship, conversation, sex." "You get those things from Mom." "Jocelyn gets them from her dogs." "Can I take your car?" "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "Dad had to go." "We can't let Jocelyn sit home and brood." "Maybe we could all take a class." "Learn Portuguese." "Go to Brazil." "I don't think I could fit one more thing in my week, honestly." "No, no, you're right." "You're right." "We should make an effort." "She just lives so far away from everything." "(BELL RINGING)" "Give it back, Trey." "Come on." "Give it back." "See ya." "Thanks." "Take care." "Hi." "Trey." "Yeah." "Trey." "Lovers' Guide to Paris." "Oh." "Food Lovers' Guide." "We're gonna go to Paris." "My husband and I." "It's his first time in Paris." "Mine, too." "It's a business trip for him." "Really?" "They fly him business class." "So we're just gonna do an exchange so that I can tag along." "That's pretty thrifty." "Yeah." "Um, I've never been to France." "I mean..." "I've been to Quebec." "But that's, um..." "It's not in..." "It's in..." "Okay." "No." "Do you want me to help you carry these to your car?" "No." "Okay." "Well, have fun." "Okay." "Send me a postcard." "(MAN ANNOUNCING ON TV)" "Hi." "Hey." "Honey, I'm sorry I'm late." "I stopped to buy us a present." "Oh, yeah." "What do you got?" "What?" "Oh, baby." "I'm sorry." "I thought I said something." "Yo, jeez, these guys are terrible." "What?" "Been like this all game." "This one guy... um..." "Paris is off." "We're not going to Paris?" "Dale's going." "My boss-boss asked me to take the CEO of Consolidated to the NBA playoffs." "I guess the guys at Consolidated are like basketball freaks." "But if it's San Antonio, it'll be over in four." "Unless Tim Duncan gets hit with an asteroid or something." "Anyway, figure I'll be on the road for like a week, maybe eight days." "Maybe 10, just depending on... (CLEARS THROAT)" "Oh, what if your mom came and stayed?" "Ten days with my mother?" "Prudie." "What, did you want me to say no to my boss?" "Always doing something wrong, you know?" "(SIGHS)" "I have no idea what I did." "I genuinely have no idea." "I was just thinking about something Allegra said at Jocelyn's the other day." "I don't know if it was just the sadness of the occasion, or..." "Oh, don't make fun, Daniel." "No, I'm not, I'm not." "That was her dog." "No." "I'm saying it affected me." "Come on." "Okay, honey." "Whatever you say." "Anyway, so Allegra and I are talking about how we all need to have" "connection, you know?" "Conversation." "Sex." "Companionship." "And Allegra says, "Well, you get all that from Mommy."" "I gotta tell you, it really made me sad." "Oh, baby, she'll find somebody." "No, it made me sad for us." "See, 'cause I've been struggling with whether a marriage can sustain all of that" "over 20-plus years, or whether it's just inevitable that after a certain amount of time..." "What are you..." "Maybe being with someone else can have a renewing effect, because for me..." "I've been seeing a woman at work." "We've been together six months now." "We can't think of this as a failure." "We have had a very successful marriage." "We've had a long marriage, by any standard." "(WHIMPERING) We've got three wonderful kids." "They're grown, they're working, they're..." "Just open the car door, Daniel, I need a tissue." "(BEEPS)" "The kids, that's..." "That's all you." "You know, you..." "You made all the sacrifices with that." "I know." "But there's a logic to us quitting while we're ahead." "And I think that they'll be able to see that." "I don't understand a single word of what you're saying, Daniel." "Who is this woman?" "Look, I'm tired of lying to you." "I'm tired of making promises to Pam that I can't keep." "She deserves better." "And so do you." "And I won't give her up." "That's non-negotiable." "(SOBBING)" "Syl." "BERNADETTE:" "I really like Edmund in this movie." "Have you seen it?" "I love this movie." "Oh, I like it, but it's not Mansfield Park." "It's more of an interpretation." "Do you know the book?" "Yes." "And I happen to teach film." "Oh." "Do you like this movie?" "No." "Do you know it mixes up Fanny Price with the author of the book?" "Makes Sir Bertram some kind of slave owner." "Well, it means well." "And a little Jane Austen's better than none at all." "No." "No." "No." "That is how I talk myself into everything." "(SOBS) I'm married to a man who would cancel our trip to Paris for a basketball game, which is making me a fraud in front of my students." "A French teacher who's never been to France?" "The screenplay is outstanding." "Excuse me." "I'd like to talk to you." "Come with me." "You seem to know a lot about Jane Austen." "I do." "You know, Prudie, I've been married six times." "You're always happy at first." "It's how you feel at the end that counts." "I've been thinking, I'd like to get married again, maybe just once more." "My favorite was Ben Weinberg." "And this is Ben." "He produced Fred Astaire movies." "Don't underestimate older men." "We lived in a house in Beverly Hills that had a little pond and a bridge and goldfish." "That's how I met my friend Jocelyn." "Carlos." "My pleasure." "Ben was her godfather." "Her family's loaded." "Who's Jocelyn again?" "The one I wanna start the book club for." "Lost her dog?" "Eat." "So, book club." "I can get Jocelyn and maybe Sylvia." "Jocelyn put Sylvia and Daniel together in high school." "They've been together ever since." "Though Sylvia's gonna want Daniel in the book club, but I think it should be all women." "Don't you?" "I mean, men, they pontificate and no one can get a word in edgewise." "Well, I think if you..." "And women won't butt in, but men, they keep monologuing." "Yammer, yammer, yammer." "And we keep listening, protecting their feelings." "But if..." "And men don't do book clubs." "Women want to share, but men, they hoard what they read, if they crack open a book." "Does your husband read?" "Uh, he reads stuff online." "(CHUCKLING)" "You know, it's gonna be like extracting teeth to get Sylvia, because she has to read so much already." "She works at the state library." "But, oh!" "Hey, no." "Okay." "Now, this is brilliant." "We'll only do books we've already read." "Is that inspired?" "How do we know what books all of us have read?" "Isn't it obvious?" "Mansfield Park, Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Northanger Abbey, Persuasion." "I'm leaving some..." "Sense and Sensibility." "And Sense and Sensibility." "It's been three years since I've read Sense and Sensibility." "I have to pee." "When I get back, hot water and lemon." "And we still have to think of two more people." "Six novels, six people." "We'll each be responsible for one book." "All Jane Austen, all the time!" "It's the perfect antidote." "To what?" "To life." "I get Pride and Prejudice." "JOCELYN:" "I called the library and said you had bronchitis." "Anne Marie's moving your indigenous peoples meeting to next week." "I should go in." "Pam Gower did her law degree at Bolt, passed the bar in 2002." "She's an infant." "She joined the firm of Perry, Liebman, Avila in 2006." "Says here she was divorced in 2005." "Bitch." "She went right for Daniel." "She's 45." "She's not even young." "Do you think he has a brain tumor?" "I think he fell in love." "Well, I'm rooting for the brain tumor." "People our age don't fall in love." "I mean, I've never even been in love." "You've never been in love?" "I've had sexual partners." "I mean, I don't know." "I wouldn't mind falling in love, but it just all seems like fiction to me, anyway." "Well, for a fiction, he just threw 20 years of marriage away on an impulse." "Do you think he was thinking, the whole time," ""I can't wait to get out of here?"" "Am I really that uninteresting?" "No." "I can't believe I'm alone at this age." "Mom, you're not alone." "And listen to me." "Alone's not the end of the world." "For as many years as you've been married" "I've been quite happily unmarried." "It's just so unfair." "He can start his life over again." "And at this age." "You know, men can do that." "Women..." "It's over." "You're beautiful, Mommy." "Yes, and accomplished and interesting." "You're not without your options, Sylvia." "Daniel's the one with options." "He can sleep with anyone." "20-year-olds." "People will say, "Way to go, Daniel."" "If I tried to sleep with someone that age, it'd be pathetic." "Well, yeah, that's 'cause guys my age are lame." "My body will become a museum." "No, it won't." "We'll get you a membership to my gym." "You might even meet somebody." "Oh." "I don't wanna meet someone." "I wanna pull the covers over my head and read novels." "And eat." "I'm starving." "Allegra, mija, go get me a dozen eggs." "I'm gonna make a flan." "ALLEGRA:" "Okay." "Can you stay with her this weekend?" "Actually, I'm moving back in." "Really?" "My lease is almost up and, you know," "I won't let her be here alone." "Oh, sweetie, that's..." "Thank you." "You're amazing." "See, that's why people have children." "My father left my mom when I was 10." "Sylvia was the first person I told." "That's when I knew we were really best friends." "I'm gonna be at Stockton at the Breeders' Convention, if you need me, okay?" "Are you here for the Buffy conference?" "Oh, no." "Excuse me." "My dog has the same exact collar." "She was invisible." "What?" "It's a game." "They're vampires." "When you see one of them with their arms crossed like that, you should pretend you don't see her." "That's why she didn't answer you." "Nothing personal." "Thanks." "My name's Grigg." "Greg?" "Grigg, G-R-I-G-G." "Oh." "Oh." "I'm meeting some people, Grigg." "Okay." "Can I have a whiskey straight up?" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "(CELL PHONE RINGING)" "Excuse me." "Could I apologize?" "I'm Jocelyn." "Your friend isn't coming?" "Uh, I'm meeting him a little later." "So how do you know so much about the "faux vampire" scene?" "That's funny." "Well, it's..." "I'm here for a sci-fi conference." "So the Buffy contingent is a kind of, you know, offshoot of that." "Yeah." "You read much science fiction?" "I'm more of a Jane Austen, Jane Eyre kind of girl." "Oh, right, yeah." "No, I never really..." "Read those books?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "So, where do you live?" "I just relocated to the Sacramento area." "I do tech support at U." "Oh." "You know who you might like?" "Ursula Le Guin." "Hmm." "Left Hand of Darkness." "Lathe of Heaven." "She's science fiction but she's just a terrific writer." "Have to check her out." "Yeah." "My sisters love those books." "I really think you might like them." "And I'm willing to be directed as well." "Seriously, you know, if you tell me who I should be reading," "I promise to read it." "I'll give you my email." "That's the old one." "I'll write those books, too." "You know what I'm actually wondering before I go?" "Uh-huh." "How do you feel about older women?" "Uh, great." "Yeah." "Um..." "I..." "I have three older sisters, so..." "You know, I like all women." "Good." "That's great." "Well, thanks." "I'll be in touch." "Oh, okay." "Great." "Yeah, bye." "Bye." "Oh, good, Prudie, you're here." "Save these tables, okay?" "Oh, Jocelyn, Prudie." "Hi, how are you?" "Hello." "Good." "So what do you want, Prudie?" "Um..." "A soy cappuccino." "I have to be allowed to miss one meeting out of the six." "I can only do this if there's no pressure." "Hey." "Mom's looking for parking." "Hi." "That's Prudie." "Say hi." "Oh." "We're still only five." "Too bad about Daniel." "He could've filled in, although clearly he's never read Jane Austen." "For Prudie's sake, the last thing we need is an Austen virgin." "We need real discussion." "I sort of invited someone." "Said he might come, maybe." "He?" "No one I'm interested in." "Oh?" "He's young, compliant, said he might enjoy being in a book club." "I'm sure Daniel's read Jane Austen." "No man who reads Austen would ever dump his wife because it's better for the other woman." "Chai latte with a shot." "I'm so sorry." "I'm really behind." "I got slammed with orders on my website." "I've actually..." "I've started adding these little dangles at the top here." "What do you think?" "I'm no judge." "I mean, my idea of jewelry is Coco Chanel's Byzantine oeuvre from the 1920s." "Oh!" "Definitely." "Yeah, I get that." "Being the only child of a woman who gave birth in a commune after changing her name to Sky Girl," "I've come to loathe hippie handicrafts." "There she is." "Actually, I'm not so sure I wanna do this book club." "So, quick, while Sylvia's still in line, how she's doing without Daniel?" "She's still stuck in the wounded stage." "When she's ready for anger, I am so there." "Me, too." "My dad left my mom." "Oh, Prudie is no stranger to marital disappointment." "Actually, we're fine now." "You're married?" "But no ring, huh?" "Yeah, it's this hand, and..." "I teach French." "You teach French, so you wear your wedding ring on the right hand?" "It's a European custom." "Are you European?" "So Prudie, you haven't said which book you wanna be responsible for." "Maybe Persuasion." "'Cause I'm increasingly drawn to its elegiac tone." "Don't think I'm doing the book club." "You're doing it." "You lead one discussion." "Pick a book." "Well, I just saw Sense and Sensibility, and I think, since I'm back living with my mom," "I really get that whole two-women, tight-relationship, living-together- but-really-opposites thing." "Is it weird living back at home again?" "I think what Austen is actually writing about is two sisters, moving separately toward what they each believe to be a perfect love." "Okay, but the point is Marianne and Elinor's relationship..." "Maybe if you'd read the book instead of watching the movie..." "I thought I might do Emma." "Which leaves what for Sylvia?" "JOCELYN:" "Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park." "BERNADETTE:" "Which one's gonna make her feel better?" "Because we're only doing the book club to get her mind off Daniel." "I thought the reason for the book club was for my not going to Paris." "Exactly." "Northanger Abbey." "No, don't make her do Northanger." "I mean, first you're going off to all these dances, and then suddenly it's sort of like." "Nightmare on Northanger Abbey Street." "I'm afraid this isn't the book club that I had in mind." "I mean, I find when someone in the group feels superior to the author, it just..." "It sets the wrong tone." "Okay, I'm happy to leave." "No, Allegra." "No." "Allegra." "No." "Allegra, you can't." "You can't." "After this day, I am so happy to be talking about Jane Austen." "Hi." "Hi." "Did we choose the books yet?" "Sylvia, Prudie." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Sylvia Avila." "So, how do you feel about Mansfield Park?" "My favorite." "Oh." "I love Fanny Price." "Stop, Mom, why?" "She's such a goodie-goodie." "Six books, five people." "We skip Northanger Abbey." "ALLEGRA:" "Definitely." "And miss out on Mr. Tilney?" "JOCELYN:" "No, you're right." "He's such a flirt." "We don't have to do all six books, do we?" "Doing all six novels is the raison d'Ãªtre of the book club and it is the only reason I'm here." "Okay." "Do you wanna invite your husband?" "(KNOCKING)" "JOCELYN:" "Ooh." "(WOMEN CHUCKLING)" "Ow!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "My husband has never read Austen and he never will." "Okay, how should we do this?" "Just meet once a month at each of our houses, potluck..." "Or, you know, pick some central location." "No, I don't think a coffee shop's conducive." "I'll host the first one, we'll start with Emma, at my place." "But let's not get into this competitive cooking thing." "Bakeoffs!" "No, we'll do finger foods." "We're gonna do takeout." "And we have to create the Jane Austen mood." "JOCELYN:" "Oh, my God." "Hey." "He came." "Yeah." "Sorry, I sat in the wrong Starbucks for half an hour." "Whew!" "Oh, golly, there are a lot of these places, huh?" "But they've got interesting coffee from all over the world, so..." "This is, uh, Grigg, everyone." "I'm Bernadette." "Prudie." "Prudie, and Allegra." "Sylvia." "GRIGG:" "Grigg Harris." "Hi." "Well, I'm excited." "Never read anything by Jane Austen before." "What is it?" "Well, I went to the bookstore to buy a copy of each one of the novels, and I saw this." "And I thought, "Well, maybe they're all sequels."" "So, I figured it might be a good idea to keep them all together in one book, in case I needed to refer back." "Is this the order that we read them in?" "Do you wanna grab a coffee, Grigg?" "No, no." "No, I'm fine." "I had plenty at the other place." "And..." "I bought this and they filled it up for me, so I'm a little... (LAUGHS)" "Yeah." "Oh, you said in your email there was someone you wanted me to meet?" "Yeah." "Yeah, all of us, actually." "I thought we might benefit from the perspective of a male in the group." "A little testosterone." "GRIGG:" "Right." "Okay." "So, none of you ladies are married?" "ALLEGRA:" "Prudie." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Right, so we just..." "What?" "We just read them chronologically, and..." "We're doing Emma first." "Emma?" "Oh." "Starting in the middle, huh?" "They're not sequels." "Oh, they're not?" "Well, great." "We just start anywhere." "(GRIGG CHUCKLES)" "What were you smoking?" "He's cute." "I thought he'd be a distraction for Sylvia." "She needs an adventure." "If he becomes a problem I'll get rid of him." "What happened, you pull a DUI?" "No, no, I pretty much bike everywhere." "Where do you live?" "Uh, about 20 miles north." "Vista Mar." "You live in what, that development?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I had this software company and my accountant says to me, uh," ""You gotta buy a house."" "So, we were right by that exit." "And I said, "Pull over."" "Got out, went in, pointed, bought a house." "Like that." "I should sell it, I guess." "Or at least buy some furniture." "Well, I guess I'll have to, if you guys are coming over, right?" "(HONKING)" "Allegra." "GRIGG:" "Bye." "Yeah." "Sayonara." "You know, I never picked a book." "Could I do that, um, abbey one?" "Perfect." "Yeah, it's yours." "Oh, Northanger Abbey." "Great." "All right." "Emma." "Starting in the middle." "Yeah." "Oh." "Well, you gotta hand it to him for taking the dud book." "It's the shortest, that's why." "He's eager to please." "Prudie, see you next time." "He is eager to please." "He likes women." "A welcome quality in a man." "Yes." "Yes." "Do you think Sylvia responded to him?" "We let him in." "It's done." "Bye." "Bye." "Bye." "Oh." "(RINGING)" "(SINGING) Train this chaos turn it into light." "You're up." "I've gotta see you one last night." "Before the lions take their share." "Go big!" "Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere." "Just give me a chance to hold on." "Give me a chance to hold on." "Give me a chance to hold on." "Just give me something to hold onto." "It's so clear now that you are all that I have." "I have no fear cause you are all that I have" "(CHEERING)" "It's so clear now that you are all that I have" "(CROWD GASPS)" "MAN:" "You okay?" "Hey." "Hey, you." "Listen." "Can you make sure they don't call my mother?" "Please." "Just make sure they don't call my mother." "Mrs. Avila?" "This is Corinne." "I'm a friend of Allegra's." "Allegra's." "And she's asked me to call you." "We're up here in Vacaville at a..." "Jewelry show..." "Jewelry show." "I was showing her how to use my scooter and she took a little spill." "It's minor." "She banged up her wrist." "She doesn't need you to come." "It's nothing." "We're at the doctor's." "He says she could be a bit sore." "Allegra didn't want you to worry if she's not home tonight." "I'll remind her." "Book club Monday night." "(LAUGHING)" "I'm sorry." "We don't shop on this side of town, ever." "(BEEPING)" "Sorry." "You can have this Whole Foods." "We won't ever use it again." "Okay?" "So I was getting the wine for book club and I bumped into Daniel." "He was with her." "JOCELYN:" "Oh, sweetie." "Yeah." "They were going home to make dinner." "He was wearing a jacket with a zipper." "No." "That's so not Daniel." "I just..." "I walk around this house, and it's not my home anymore." "I feel like Fanny Price banished from Mansfield Park." "That woman is living my life." "Honey, she can't live your life." "Are you all right?" "I know you like being alone, but don't you ever get lonely?" "So what'd you think about Grigg?" "The book club guy." "If you like him, I like him." "How about those dreamy eyes?" "I didn't really notice." "Well, notice." "Can you come early tomorrow since you're bringing the wine?" "That's my girls." "That's my girls." "That's my girls." "It's a smallish world, pedigreed Ridgebacks." ""Pedigreed" is..." "Well, it's breeding." "Certain bloodlines are naturally more valuable." "Mine are out of Queenie of the Serengeti." "Gorgeous hound." "Gone now." "I bred her to my first really important sire, Pridey." "Sire's the boy dog." "Great disposition." "Passed away last month." "I'm sorry." "Thank you." "Miss him." "But Queenie was the real star." "Ridgebacks are matriarchal." "That's one of their attractive features." "Hey, hey, hey!" "Sahara, off!" "Sorry." "Sorry about that." "Sahara I had to have spayed." "Thyroid issues." "I still show her, though." "She's very competitive in her category." "Yeah?" "Sexually altered bitch." "Well, I got you those books." "Hmm?" "You know the ones I suggested?" "Ursula Le Guin." "Oh, yeah." "Thanks, that was thoughtful." "You don't have to bring a hostess gift to these meetings, FYI." "It's just a book club." "Where's the heat between Emma and Mr. Knightley?" "There's no animal passion." "Look at Frank Churchill and Miss Fairfax." "You can tell they're really in love because they behave so badly." "And that's good?" "Emma and Mr. Knightley, you just never feel the sex." "Still, I think Mr. Knightley's very yummy." "Don't you?" "He may be my favorite of all the Austen men." "Sans passion I'amour n'est rien." "That's not Jane's theme, is it?" "Jane?" "That's cozy." "What we're meant to see is not the lack of passion so much as the control of it, and the not giving in." "AprÃ¨s moi, le deluge." "But Prudie's right, it is in all the novels." "Sense and Sensibility, obviously." "Oh, and then there's Maria's infidelity in Mansfield Park." "I forgot there's infidelity in Mansfield Park." "Austen's all about keeping it zipped." "Yeah, but isn't physical attraction one of the ungovernable forces?" "You know, like gravity." "That's what we like about it." "You know, downhill, release the brakes, loosen your grip, and whoo!" "Yeah." "Love makes people crazy." "It does not excuse bad behavior." "I agree." "And Mr. Knightley is violently in love." ""Violently!" His word." "And yet, he's never anything but a gentleman." "Yeah, a gentleman who scolds people." "Oh, not everyone." "You know, just, uh, Emma, just the woman that he loves." "C'est vrai." "C'est typique." "A man can do whatever he likes to the woman he loves." "I don't think that's what Austen's saying." "Actually, Emma stops being crazy when she falls for Mr. Knightley." "It's the event of the book." "Love is an act of sanity." "One thing that I noticed about Emma is the sense of menace." "The gypsies, Jane Fairfax's boating accident," "Mr. Woodhouse's worries." "Austen's entire thesis is that none of these things are real, Grigg." "I mean, Emma, she acts on the basis of her fantasies." "Yes, Grigg, I'm afraid you've just entirely missed the point." "You know, I've read that the Emma plot, the humbling of the pretty, know-it-all girl is the most popular plot of all time." "Yes, universally satisfying." "Okay." "Well, what bothered me was how Emma kept forcing her friend Harriet on Mr. Elton." "And then she finds out who Harriet's father is, and suddenly, "Ew!" She's lucky to get the farmer." "I think Jane was being ironic there." "I think some readers might miss that." "Emma's a snob." "JOCELYN:" "Please." "People are instinctively drawn to partners who are their near equal in looks." "The pretty marry the pretty, the ugly the ugly." "To the detriment of the breed, in my opinion." "God, you're such an Emma." "Isn't she?" "You'd love to pair up the whole world, from dogs to people." "Put me together with Daniel." "And you had beautiful children." "Oh, no, don't get up, Jocelyn." "I'll get the tea." "Sorry." "Mom." "I hope we didn't scare Grigg away." "Yeah, he sure got out of here fast." "Yeah, we'll toughen him up." "Was the book club a bad idea?" "Austen has a way of making you forget that most marriages end in divorce." "Well, she's all about the weddings, Jane." "Yeah, "Jane." Did you catch that?" "Oh, Prudie? "Jane and I, we know our themes."" "And why did she have to speak in French?" "And if so, couldn't she do it in France, where it's less noticeable?" "I feel for Prudie." "She's married to a complete Neanderthal." "Okay, I will call you when I land in Dallas." "Uh, you know what?" "Let me call you when I check in the hotel." "(CELL PHONE RINGING) if there's time before the game, 'cause we're gonna wanna get there early." "Whatever, okay." "Have fun with your mom." "Hey, Sky." "Hi." "Hi." "Mom, you were supposed to sit with the car." "I'm gonna get a ticket!" "Yo!" "Get some ass!" "So..." "Hey, what're we doing today?" "Well, I'm teaching." "It's a school day, okay?" "So I'm gonna drop you at the house." "Or you can take the car and you can go see a movie or something." "No, no, I'll hang with you." "No, no, you can't." "They don't allow that." "Mom, could you..." "Oh, my God, please." "Okay, I can't." "Mom, I'm late." "Please." "Come on." "Oh, ditch them." "Blow them off." "Tell them your mother doesn't wanna hang around while you go to work." "What's the story with the clothes?" "You dress like a flight attendant." "No, I dress like a teacher." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Or it gets confusing." "Mom, mind your stupid..." "For everyone." "Why would anyone wanna teach high school?" "I hated my teachers." "Well, I'm just gonna settle you at the house." "No, I'll drop you at school and then I'll take the car." "Should you be driving?" "Huh?" "Okay, you know what?" "Just don't forget to come get me at 3:00." "Okay?" "Don't forget." "Um..." "I'm in Brigadoon." "Would you mind running lines with me?" "(CHATTERING)" "TREY: (READING) "Of course I'm all right."" "PRUDIE: (IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) "I'd have died if anything had happened to you."" ""I love you so."" "TREY: "But how can you be sure in just one day?"" ""I dinna know, 'tis just"" ""when a lass falls in and out of love, she knows it right away."" "What?" "Hmm." "It's a good accent." "Well, languages are my specialty." "I just thought that..." "French teacher." "It's your line." ""Do you think you're in love with me?"" ""Think?" "What good does thinking do?"" ""But what I feel is something else."" ""What do ye feel then, Tommy?"" "And then we kiss." "Um, who plays opposite you?" "Karen Bhave." "I think she only tried out because she thought we'd hook up during the play." "I, uh..." "I saw you watching me in the library." "(STUTTERING) I wasn't watching." "You were watching." "No, I was reading. (CHUCKLES)" "You were watching." "I was reading this..." "I was reading this book..." "Oh, yeah?" "About some people in this house called Mansfield Park." "Austen." "Yeah." "We're doing Mansfield Park for senior seminar, so..." "I actually bought the book already." "I'm trying to make myself wait, you know?" "(MURMURS)" "Delay gratification." "That sort of thing." "So what happens?" "Um, right, well, um..." "Well, they decide to put on a play, um, in the house." "And rehearsing it, it sort of unleashes them." "Two of them actually fall in love, and one..." "One of them, Maria Bertram, is set..." "Stop it." "Is set to marry someone else." "Or maybe not." "Well, I think..." "I think... um..." "I think what Austen is trying to say is that play-acting is dangerous." "All of that intimacy backstage, the waiting and the whispering, and onstage you're gazing at each other, and "I love you."" "I mean..." "Well, you can see how it happens." "Yeah, I can see it happening, just not with Karen Bhave." "So, do you wanna go over it again?" "(BAGPIPES PLAYING ON PA)" "(BEEPING)" "Hello?" "Yeah." "Hey, Grigg, it's Jocelyn." "Hi." "Hey." "Hi." "So how's Mansfield Park coming?" "Uh, just great. (CRASHING)" "Am I disturbing you?" "I'm just writing an email to my sisters about you, as a matter of fact." "And Ursula Le Guin." "Did you ever read Left Hand of Darkness?" "Uh, not yet." "Hey, listen, Bernadette and I were just saying we hope Allegra didn't scare you off the book club." "Which one is Allegra?" "Sylvia's daughter." "Really pretty, really passionate, wonderful girl." "Ask him if he can make time today." "You might take Sylvia to lunch today." "Tell him that Sylvia and Daniel are in court this morning over their separation." "She could use the ego boost." "You have Sylvia's number, right?" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Would you wanna come, too?" "Listen, I know there's a difference in your ages, but I really think the two of you will hit it off." "Sahara." "I gotta go, okay?" "This woman I like definitely seems interested, but it's weird." "She's sort of pushing me to date this girl, Allegra, who's way younger than me." "She said I should take this girl's mother to lunch." "Bank assets will be divided equally." "Each individual will keep his or her own car, and each will be wholly responsible for the attendant payments and insurance." "The house owned by Daniel and Sylvia will be jointly held, with both parties paying an equal share of property taxes, upkeep and repairs." "Sylvia may live in the house." "Daniel will not." "As soon as Daniel hit 50, his wheels fell off." "Here's what I get from Mansfield Park." "That a marriage is only as strong as its weakest partner." "Daniel has always wanted to find his center by wobbling." "This is a pretty big wobble." "Mansfield Park is full of wobblers." "Lady Bertram lying around, letting a houseful of adolescents run riot." "Fanny Price is the rock of that family." "Fanny's cousin Maria, married six months, dumps her husband..." "And don't forget Fanny's father, the unemployed alcoholic." "Marry the weak link and you're screwed." "That's what she's saying." "No wonder why Austen never married." "It's terrifying." "I think I finally hate him." "Good." "(SMOKE ALARM BEEPING)" "I'm home." "I'm going out again." "I have book club." "You just missed this guy who got buried up to his neck in a tank filled with cockroaches." "And they were real." "You'd think it'd be illegal to show stuff like that." "Here, grab a spoon." "You have to leave." "You put your things in your suitcase 'cause I'm booking your flight." "Want me to..." "Uh, yeah." "How did you break it?" "I fell." "Which was kind of lucky, actually." "'Cause I met this girl, Corinne, who I've been seeing." "She's a writer." "Which, um, isn't so great, really, 'cause if she had to choose between me and writing, she'd probably choose writing." "But she doesn't ever have to choose." "So you never have to know." "So you're a lesbian." "Full-time?" "You mean, do I ever slip and accidentally sleep with a man?" "No, no, my sister Cat, she goes out with guys and girls." "She lives in Idaho." "Your sister isn't Cat Harris." "You know her?" "Bernadette knows everyone." "I met her through my doctor friend in Laguna Niguel," "Bianca Sillman." "You know my sister, Bianca?" "I forgot that Bianca and Cat are sisters." "Those are your sisters!" "Our world is an English village." "My topic is the long-suffering daughter." "One can't help but see the parallels between the long-suffering Fanny Price in Mansfield Park and the long-suffering Anne Eliot in Persuasion." "I hate Fanny Price." "Excuse me, we're not electing the homecoming queen, okay?" "I mean, yes, if this were high school, yes, we all know Elizabeth Bennet would be most popular and that Fanny would be least." "Who's Elizabeth Bennet?" "Of Pride and Prejudice." "Oh, don't give away too much, 'cause I haven't read that one yet." "You don't know Pride and Prejudice?" "GRIGG:" "No." "Um, I think I read somewhere that Fanny Price was Austen's favorite." "Fanny's boring." "She's faithful." "She's Horton Hatches the Egg." "She sits on that nest and she never, ever wavers." "Well, she'd probably be easier to like if she would just allow some weakness in others." "She doesn't allow it in herself." "True." "I didn't see what was so bad about Henry Crawford." "Yes." "Thank you, Grigg." "Why does it have to be Edmund?" "Well, Austen, she's always suspicious of people who are too charming." "Just once I'd like to pick up Mansfield Park and see Fanny end up in the sack with Henry Crawford." "(ALL EXCLAIMING) Yes!" "Yes!" "You can't read these novels without wondering if she doesn't have a little thing for the naughty boys." "Well, who doesn't?" "Except for Fanny Price." "Okay, look." "I love Fanny." "She works hard." "She puts her family's needs above her own." "Mom, it's okay." "And she never, ever stops loving Edmund, ever." "Even when he's stupid enough to do something like take up with Mary Crawford." "(CRASHING)" "Oh." "(WHISTLES) Oh, dear." "I thought Mansfield Park would be safe, didn't you?" "I don't think we're gonna get through all six books." "Reading Jane Austen is a freaking minefield." "You're awfully quiet, Grigg." "Any thoughts?" "Uh, yeah." "Uh, yeah." "Yes!" "The relationship between Edmund and Fanny." "They seemed like brother and sister." "But then in the end, it's like The Empire Strikes Back, but it's in reverse." "You know?" "'Cause in Jedi, Luke Skywalker, he, um, gets over Princess Leia when she turns out to be his sister." "Edmund gets over Miss Crawford and gets it on with Fanny, who's his first cousin, so..." "Did that bother anybody else?" "Weren't you gonna call Sylvia for lunch?" "Oh, yeah." "You know Allegra's gay, right?" "Of course." "Oh." "I love your furniture, in your house." "And before we do Northanger Abbey, I gotta buy a couch, so..." "Is something going on between these two?" "Grigg, you have to..." "Would you come with me, help me pick it out?" "Uh, if you take Sylvia to lunch." "Great." "Good, that's great." "Okay, see you." "All right, yup, here." "Take care." "Oh, God." "Sorry." "I caught him staring at my titties." "I like that." "I like this." "That color's, uh, difficult." "I like things that are difficult." "I'll take it." "Wait, you just don't buy the first one you like." "You don't even know if it'll fit." "What?" "It's fine." "You getting hungry?" "Grigg, I don't mean to be rude, but may I ask, do you have a lot of money?" "Never know how to answer that." "Um..." "Yeah, I have enough money." "But, you know, I like working in tech support." "May I?" "Sure." "You should bring Sylvia here." "It's so romantic." "You know, she's planning this library fundraiser." "She's busy." "Call her." "It's hard to be alone." "Well, maybe her husband will come back." "Maybe." "Jane Austen should write that." "She did." "In Persuasion." "Anne Eliot is in love with this guy Wentworth who's in the navy, right?" "But her family thinks that he's not good enough." "Right." "So he leaves." "And when he comes back he's become this wealthy man." "But he's no longer in love with her." "Okay." "Don't tell me any more." "Oh, so you're enjoying the Austen, I see." "Yeah." "And how's the Ursula Le Guin?" "(EXCLAIMS)" "You didn't like Le Guin?" "I didn't read them." "How are you gonna know what you like unless you try?" "I think at my age I should know what I like." "Age?" "Come on, age." "Age has nothing to do with anything." "I was willing to read girly books like Jane Austen..." "She is not girly." "Which I found out." "So maybe you would find out that science fiction's not just..." "Aliens on rocket ships." "Right." "All right, hurry up and finish." "I'm gonna show you something really cool." "What you have to understand is that when I was a kid, my dad and I were basically surrounded by girls 24/7." "You know, there was my mom, my sisters, and their friends." "So there'd be like 15 girls in the house." "It was insane." "My dad would hide out in the shed and no one was allowed back there." "And he'd listen to ballgame, you know, smoke his pipe." "He actually died a couple years ago of mouth cancer." "I'm so sorry." "Anyway, one day..." "I'm like 10 years old, my dad takes me back to the shed and he shows me some magazines that he keeps back there." "He says, "This is strictly guy stuff."" ""It's top secret." "Very private."" ""Tell no one."" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Yeah, so from then on, it's like..." "I don't know..." "It's like me and my dad and science fiction." "These were like the first books that I fell in love with, and I never got over it." "Arthur C ." "Clarke." "He's a visionary writer." "Theodore Sturgeon." "Amazing." "Ah!" "Philip K. Dick." "This was my top-secret all-guy world." "Andre Norton." "Very manly." "Uh-huh." "Except, as it turns out, Andrew Norton, a.k.a. Andre Norton, a.k.a. Alice Mary Norton." "No way." "James Tiptree, Jr." "I heard of him." "Real name, Alice Sheldon." "Pat Murphy." "Patrice Anne..." "You were still surrounded." "But by that time I liked girls." "Uh..." "You win." "I'll read the Le Guin." "Great." "(CHATTERING)" "CORINNE:" "Tell me a secret." "ALLEGRA:" "Um, your turn." "No." "You have better secrets." "You can trust me." "Tell me." "Okay, but this is not something I would tell anyone else." "There was this special needs kid in the grade above me, Benny." "He wore his hat squashed down really low, and his ears stuck out." "And he was always carrying around this basketball and going... thubba, thubba, thubba." "(CORRINE CHUCKLING)" "And, one day, I was in fourth grade," "I saw that he was holding his penis." "So, I just went back to my friends." "Well, later my dad picked me up." "And he was distracted, just not really listening, and..." "And I don't know why, but..." "I said, "Dad, this boy at school made me look at his penis."" "Wait." "What was his name?" "Benny." "We actually got their address and drove to their house." "And Benny's mom answers the door." "I mean, she was old." "She has these two long, skinny gray braids." "And my dad's yelling." "And she starts crying. "I'm sorry, what do you expect me to do?"" "And he says, "I expect you to speak to your son."" "And then right behind her is Benny with his stupid basketball, going... thubba, thubba, thubba." "And my dad just stops." "'Cause he had a little brother like that who died." "Oh, my God." "So we get back in the car and my dad is just silent." "And then he says, "I think you knew"" ""you were leaving out the most important part."" "And I just felt horrible." "You know, I didn't really know any of that was gonna happen." "I just wanted his attention." "(LAWN MOWER WHIRRING)" "Have you lost your mind?" "I thought about..." "I thought about calling." "I..." "But I didn't wanna wake you." "You can't just show up here, Daniel." "Somebody's gotta mow the lawn." "I don't mind." "Well, I'll pay somebody." "You know?" "I mean, this is my home." "You cannot just arrive here without asking." "What if I had somebody staying over?" "Are you seeing someone?" "Put the mower away." "I didn't mean that in a weird kind of way." "I just missed hearing what's going on here." "Allegra, she acts like she hates me, and the boys..." "I mean, Diego and Andy, they call from school, but they don't say much." "They're ashamed of their father." "So Diego says you told him the handle on the shower's loose?" "Thirty seconds." "I'll deal with it." "Is there something in the house you don't want me to see?" "Do you think I'm not taking care of the house?" "No, no..." "You wanna do what a husband does?" "You wanna fix things?" "You can't fix this." "You're not my husband." "All that's gone now." "Can I call you next weekend?" "No, you cannot call me next weekend." "Okay." "I'll check in with you, okay?" "Oh." "(CAR DOOR OPENS)" "My mom said I could buy a motorcycle if I paid for it myself." "It's her one stipulation, right?" "So I work at the mall." "And I have that whole Kerouac thing planned for this summer, and now it's, "No."" "I'm 18 years old." "I have the right to buy a motorcycle." "But you had a motorcycle once." "And you ended up hating it." "Remember, Trey?" "Remember?" "You used to park it on the other side of the gym." "It was red and black." "And..." "You got really tired of taking care of it." "What're you talking about?" "That was my mom's technique when I wanted something." "She'd say, "But you had a birthday party last year."" ""Remember?" "We had a big cake"" ""with pink icing and roses all over it."" ""And you hated it."" "And she was totally messing with you?" "It got her out of giving me a birthday party." "I mean, I have wonderful memories of Wow." "Balloons and ballerinas and rollercoasters." "And it never happened." "That's pretty messed up." ""We certainly can't have a big party like that every year, can we?"" "So, when did you finally figure it out?" "Well, by then she had this other trick." "Um..." "So suggest something to me." "Something you'd like to do." "Okay." "Um..." "Let's get a room." "Let's not get a room and just say we did." "Then we give up?" "You weren't a very persistent kid, were you?" "Trey, you really shouldn't come on to me." "Why?" "Because you're a teacher?" "I..." "We can't do this." "(BELL RINGING)" "(DISTANT WHISTLE BLOWING)" "Let's get out of here." "We'll go back to my place." "We'll just talk." "Let's not and just wish we did." "I don't wanna pretend." "Um, we're late." "Just give me a second." "God." "(INAUDIBLE)" "(CAR DOOR CLOSES)" "(LAUGHS)" "Does this place seem creepy?" "It's quiet." "Wow, Sylvia, you look great!" "Hottie!" "It's the new me." "Hey, how's Corinne doing?" "Great." "So, are we up for Grigg's amazing insights on Northanger Abbey?" "Stop it." "He might surprise you." "I hope his couch has arrived." "Oh, I don't mind sitting on the floor." "Passing around cans of aerosol cheese?" "Stop it." "Fine." "Grigg is a grownup." "I'm sure he's made it very nice." "All right." "VOICE:" "Welcome." "Please come in." "Whoa." "Grigg?" "Whoa!" "Apparently, he thinks it's Hallowe'en." "(SCREAMS)" "(EVIL CACKLING)" "No, it's Northanger Abbey!" "It's Gothic!" "Right!" "(OMINOUS SOUNDS)" "(SCREAMING)" "No one gets out alive!" "I don't like this." "I don't like this." "Sylvia, Sylvia!" "Grigg?" "Grigg?" "Grigg?" "Sylvia, it's a joke." "He's just having fun..." "Oh, Sylvia, Sylvia, Sylvia!" "It's okay." "It's all right." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "Look." "It's a send-up of Northanger." "(CELL PHONE RINGING)" "It's a program." "ALLEGRA:" "Bernadette, that's your phone." "This is my remote." "And everything's on sensors." "Prudie?" "Oh, hi, Dean." "Is Prudie running late?" "What do you do on Hallowe'en?" "Oh, Hallowe'en is big." "Hallowe'en is much, much bigger." "You should come over for Hallowe'en." "Wait." "Oh, that's terrible." "I got inspired reading The Mysteries of Udolpho." "You know, the book in Northanger Abbey that Catherine's obsessed with reading?" "You read The Mysteries of Udolpho?" "Food!" "Hey, Grigg, that color almost works." "When did you..." "He read The Mysteries of Udolpho." "Wow." "Wait, that book they were reading in the book?" "That's a real book?" "Yeah, with the black veils and Laurentina's skeleton." "Didn't you think that sounded great?" "ALLEGRA: (LAUGHS) Yeah, it sounded awesome." "Dean, I'm so sorry." "Prudie must be devastated." "Prudie said to ask you." "She's supposed to talk or something, about some book?" "Persuasion." "We don't know how long we're gonna be down in San Diego, so..." "She may have to cancel." "Tell her we'll save Persuasion for the end." "It's better to do it last, anyway." "It was Austen's final book." "I thought Northanger Abbey was the final book." "Written first." "Published last." "That makes much more sense." "Why?" "BERNADETTE:" "What happened with her?" "'Cause it's a novel about novels." "You know?" "You see Austen as the young writer, questioning herself." ""Who's a heroine?" "What makes a good story?"" ""Are novels a waste of time?" "Am I gonna write?" "What should I write about?"" "I like that." "That's actually very perceptive, Grigg." "Thanks." "Prudie's mother died." "What?" "Jesus." "She got into her car yesterday, this was in San Diego." "She made a left coming out of a parking lot into oncoming traffic." "Jesus." "Terrible." "Were Prudie and her mom close?" "Well, there was tension." "What do we think?" "Is Persuasion too depressing to take on right now, with the dead mother and everything?" "She doesn't die on the page." "Even Sense and Sensibility, the dad dies." "What about Pride and Prejudice?" "I could use a little encounter in the woods with Mr. Darcy right now." "Are we all up for a little romance?" "Ready." "I think we're all overdue." "And it'll be better for Prudie." "I still can't believe you read The Mysteries of Udolpho, Grigg." "Bravo, Grigg." "Bravo." "Yay for the grilled artichokes." "You can move in with us any time, Grigg." "Please, don't bring skeletons." "She loves these." "Are you and Grigg seeing each other?" "No." "He's interested in Sylvia, obviously." "That was the plan, right?" "(CLANKING)" "(INAUDIBLE)" "DEAN:" "I don't wanna fight, okay?" "I don't know why you didn't just take her back to the car and have sex with her." "I mean, clearly you wanted to." "I talked to her..." "I talked to her for like five minutes." "Longer." "Longer, Dean." "And with those ridiculous plastic boobs." "Is that what you go for?" "Prudie, you know, I was just trying to be nice to your friend." "Okay." "Chloe Baher is not my friend, Dean." "Chloe Baher came to my mother's funeral to gloat. "Ha-ha!" "Your mother's dead."" "And you hit on her!" "I do..." "I do..." "You hit on her!" "I was not hitting on her." "(SOBBING)" "You know, when I was in the 10th grade," "I wrote an entire paper on Julius Caesar in iambic pentameter." "And Chloe Baher removed it from my locker and she read it aloud to the whole class." "And everyone laughed at me." "Baby, high school's over." "High school's never over." "(DOG BARKS)" "SYLVIA: (READING) "And turning 'round, he looked for a moment at Elizabeth"" ""till catching her eye, he withdrew his own and coldly said," ""'She is tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt me." ""'I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies" ""'who are slighted by other men." ""'You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles," ""'for you are wasting your time with me."'" "You know, I don't know if we can do Pride and Prejudice next week, because it's the library dinner." "Well, we need to go for Sylvia." "Daniel's bringing Pam." "That's so unnecessary." "Tell me about it." "His firm's buying a table." "Well, then we should buy one." "All of us, the book club." "Show up in force." "Yes." ""The Central Valley River City."" ""All Jane Austen, All The Time Book Club,"" "is what Grigg calls it." "He's so funny." "I'm so glad he finally made a date with Sylvia." "He's taking her to lunch." "I sure hope there's some dancing in this thing." "I'm trying to diet." "My husband is bringing a date to my fundraiser." "Yeah, re-reading Pride and Prejudice again," "I keep thinking, "You know, courtship is easy."" "Where's Austen's novel on divorce?" "Uh, I wouldn't say it was easy." "Depends who you're courting, I guess." "Does Jocelyn ever go out with anyone?" "Occasionally." "She used to date my husband in high school." "Then she sort of gave him to me." "Daniel's the one that first bought Jocelyn a dog." "She traded your husband for a dog?" "Look, I adore Jocelyn, but..." "Uh, if loving is letting go, then whoever wants Jocelyn is going to have to pry her fingers loose, one by one." "Hey." "Hi." "Hey." "Do you know Lynne from my writing group?" "I don't, actually." "Allegra." "Hey." "Listen, I just have to say, you have been so good for Corinne." "Ever since you two have been together, she's been writing nonstop." "Didn't you just love that story that she wrote last week?" "Well, Allegra and I don't discuss what I'm working on." "Okay." "MALE VOICE: "Dear Ms. Corinne Mahern, we regret"" ""that we must decline to publish the three short stories you sent us." """Benny's Basketball" is strong narratively," ""but the depiction of your penis-waving retarded boy felt a little unkind." ""And isn't the title "Separating Eggs For Flan" a bit obvious" ""as a metaphor for your parents' divorce?" ""Yet we confess that "Skydiver" puzzled us most." ""Why would a beautiful, self-centered young lesbian jump out of a plane?"" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "I thought we could drive together." "We should hurry." "I don't want Sylvia sitting there alone." "Sahara, off." "Sylvia's already at the library." "She said she had to get there early." "So you offered her a ride first." "No, she happened to mention it at lunch." "That's a great dress." "(DOOR OPENING)" "Stay." "I converted it to biodiesel." "So it basically runs on donut grease." "This is so great." "I never get to drive it." "Or vacuum it, apparently." "I like your hair." "You need to dance with Sylvia tonight." "You do know how to dance, don't you?" "Of course I do." "I have three older sisters." "I can dance." "Wait, if we stay in this lane, we're gonna be late." "Given that I have to convert donut grease into biofuel every time I fill up the tank," "I just try not to drive very fast." "We're barely moving." "You ever read those Le Guin books I bought you?" "I prefer books about real people." "Okay, so Elizabeth Bennet is real and people in science fiction aren't." "Is that it?" "Science fiction books have people in them, but they're not about the people." "Real people are complicated." "Well, there's all kinds of science fiction." "When you've read some, I will be interested in your opinion." "Why are you getting off here?" "I enjoy seeing the river." "What are you, Mark Twain?" "Now we're gonna get stuck at every light." "(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)" "Look at the talent in this room." "Half the Silicon Valley is here." "To romance." "Hi." "Hello." "I'm planning on meeting a software baron and moving to Pemberley." "Well, everyone knows a rich man is eventually going to want a new wife." "BOTH:" "Oh." "Hi." "Hi." "I'm Dean." "Oh." "Yeah, he's not doing book club with us." "Uh, moral support." "She's had a rough couple of weeks." "Well, you're welcome to join in, Dean." "Nah, that's okay." "I think I'll just head to the bar." "Let you ladies talk." "There is no bar." "It's a library." "Serving liquor." "Well, that'll work." "You guys need anything?" "We had this big fight on the way over here." "Have some champagne." "Mom?" "I broke up with Corinne." "Oh, my God." "Honey." "Nice." "We have plenty of time." "(HORN BLARING)" "(ENGINE SEIZING)" "Honey, whatever happened between you and Corinne, you don't just walk out." "You don't even know what she did." "Did she hit you?" "Did she say cruel things?" "You are so quick to love." "You're too quick." "You jump in, you jump out." "That's Daniel in you." "Quick to act." ""It's not working?" "Well..." "Fix it." "Or break it." "Who cares?"" "We don't just dispose of people we love." "You stay." "You repair." "Okay, you know what?" "This is not you and Daddy." "This is Corinne." "The difference being that Daddy actually loves you." "So you go repair." "Power on." "Maybe Daddy'll give up this woman he's been fucking." "Allegra." "But Corinne, I'm dumping the bitch." "We're gonna be so late." "Well, I'll call a cab." "I will not let Sylvia be alone when Daniel walks into that library with Pam." "You got your phone?" "I'll find a payphone." "Are you attracted to Sylvia?" "Yeah, she's, um..." "She's nice." "She's more than nice." "She's smart and funny..." "And she's in love with her husband." "Well, she needs to get over that." "Why don't you stop interfering?" "Let Sylvia work out her own life." "It's interfering to want my best friend to be happy." "If that's interfering, I hope I never stop." "What about me?" "Am I your friend?" "Or am I just some widget to help you make Sylvia feel better about herself?" "Why did you invite me to be part of your book club?" "What went through your mind the first time you saw me?" ""There's a man who is dying to read"" ""every book Jane Austen ever wrote."" "Is that what you thought?" "No." "But I thought, "What a beautiful woman." "I hope she looks over at me."" "I thought if I read your favorite books that you would read mine." "But, no, no, no." "You just wanna be obeyed." "That's why you have dogs." "For such a famously romantic story," "Pride and Prejudice is a parade of bizarre marriages." "I've had every marriage in this book." "My first husband was a politician." "He was embarrassed by every move I made." "He said I was rude and loud." ""Stop pointing your breasts everywhere," he'd say to me." "I was 17." "I was Charlotte Lucas." "I married the first man who looked at me." "Tout le monde est sage aprÃ¨s le coup." "Hmm?" "You don't see your own marriage until it's too late." "So, um..." "I actually thought that Charlotte Lucas was gay." "Really, I think that when she tells Lizzie she's not as romantic as she is," "I think that's what she means." "Charlotte Lucas is not gay." "She's not." "She just..." "She just has no options." "Wait." "Austen meant Charlotte to be gay or Charlotte is gay and Austen is not aware of it?" "I just love the idea of a character having a secret life that the author doesn't even know about." "You know, frankly, I kind of admire Charlotte for looking at her situation and deciding to marry Mr. Collins." "I mean, yes, yes, she knows he'll never be the "love of her life,"" "but that's okay." "That is exactly the reason that Jocelyn would hate her." "Jocelyn has contempt for anyone who settles for anything less than the perfect love." "You know, it's probably why Jocelyn has never married." "My apologies, everybody." "Hello." "Hi." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "We ran out of donut grease." "Grigg Harris." "Oh, Dean Drummond." "Wait, Grigg..." "Grigg from the book club?" "Yeah." "No, it's just Prudie would say "Grigg," and I just didn't picture it as a guy." "So you thought Grigg was a girl?" "Dean thinks "Austen" is the capital of Texas." "Wow." "(LAUGHING)" "You'll notice that Jane, she never shows what happens after the wedding." "Maybe Elizabeth and Darcy start hating each other." "Maybe Lizzie went off to Pemberley, and she turned into this crazy person, like her mom, because our mothers are like time bombs." "They just..." "They tick away inside of us." "Let's not give Mrs. Bennet more importance than she deserves." "You know, I mean, what about the father?" "Oh, what father?" "You know, my mom showed me a picture of a guy in uniform." "Well, maybe she made him up." "Or maybe she bought it at a garage sale." "And I kept it in my room, this... (CRYING)" "I kept it in my room." "Let's not do this now, okay?" "Dean, I got it." "(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)" "Bernadette." "Hmm?" "Daniel never came." "Good." "I'm in love with one of my students." "But I mean, nothing's happened." "Much." "But it could." "It could, if I let it." "I fantasize about him constantly." "Sweetie, your mother died." "This is grief." "He looks at me like he's the spoon, and I'm the dish of ice cream." "(EXHALES)" "It's a good thing we're reading Sense and Sensibility next." "KAREN:" "I love you so." "TREY:" "But how can you be sure in just one day?" "I do not know. 'Tis just when a lass falls in or out of love, she knows it right away." "You think you're in love with me?" "Think?" "What good does thinking do but what I feel is something else?" "(LAUGHING)" "Hey, you got your cast off." "Yeah." "How does it feel?" "Great." "You can reach it." "Just really stretch your arm out." "There you go." "Just give the rope a little bit of a shake." "You can do it, there..." "Can you put your..." "Can you put your right foot in that blue thing?" "It's gonna be fine." "Here, hang on." "You can reach it." "Just reach up." "It's caught." "It's okay." "You're doing good." "(GASPS)" "(SIRENS WAILING)" "I'm totally okay." "I'm not even hurt." "It's nothing." "I'm sorry, I have to stop you here." "It's not likely to be anything more than a concussion." "I'd like to keep Allegra under observation for a few days, okay?" "And if you need to reach me, I'm Dr. Yep." "How many times have we had to come here to get her stitched up?" "It's always Allegra, never the boys." "Well, she's the one who goes mountain climbing and skateboarding and snowboarding." "It's a miracle she never tried parachuting." "She's so extreme." "One minute she's crazy in love with Corinne, the next minute she's never hated anybody more." "She's gonna be okay, right?" "She's fine." "She just took a knock on the noodle." "This is gonna sound, probably, horrible, considering the fact that she's got this lump on her head, but..." "It's just..." "It's great to have us all in the same room again." "Just feels so normal." "Normal, yeah." "You know, I haven't been seeing Pam for a couple of months now." "So, that must be a big change." "You know, I was thinking just this morning about this book club that we're in, Allegra and me." "The first meeting was, uh..." "Yeah, we had just been separated." "'Cause Allegra had just moved in." "And I was realizing how different I feel." "I don't think I'm the same woman that you left." "I can see that." "I so see that." "Well, it's probably the same for you." "I guess that's what happens when you let go." "We did a good job taking things apart." "I'm kind of proud of us." "I'm warning you, if Grigg starts making little remarks, I'm gonna walk out." "You two just keep it together for one more book." "JOCELYN:" "I wish he'd just drop out of the group." "Austen sets up this juicy triangle between Elinor, Edward and Lucy Steele." "And then at the end, she practically has to whip a rabbit out of a hat to make Lucy Steele run off with Edward's brother?" "Yeah, that requires some hand-waving." "I think the ending's well-plotted." "Uh, to me, the part that seems forced is Marianne ending up with Colonel Brandon." "Anyone else feel that?" "Oh, I have no problem with that." "He rides up on a big stallion, sweeps her into his arms." "I'm there." "From the time Colonel Brandon meets Marianne, he just lavishes all this attention on her." "And meanwhile, she's throwing herself at Willoughby." "Willoughby is a player." "Women never go for the nice guy." "Please." "Men say that, but you get to know some of these men who complain the most, you find out they're not as nice as they like to think they are." "Okay." "You know what struck me?" "Is that Colonel Brandon is only a few years younger than Mrs. Dashwood." "Well, why does he take up with the daughter and not the mother?" "Yeah, why not Mrs. Dashwood?" "Maybe Mrs. Dashwood won't give him the time of day." "The book is about the young people." "Yeah, because Jane Austen thinks that nothing interesting can happen to a woman over 25." "When actually, a novel about a woman seducing a slightly younger man just yields so much more." "Well, then maybe Mrs. Dashwood should go for Willoughby." "Why not?" "It's a long, hot summer." "Maybe Mrs. Dashwood has more sense than that." "Okay, can I just point out, she's hardly in the story." "Sex is messy." "Maybe Mrs. Dashwood prefers a more well-ordered life." "Maybe that's why she's such a minor character." "I think if you read Austen's novels..." "Oh, I have." "You wanted me to, and I did." "I think you'll see she always writes in favor of order and self-control." "Nothing unwise." "Nothing in haste." "Okay, so, this is..." "This is what, this is a rulebook?" "We could do worse." "I think Jane Austen wrote about women falling in love because she was lonely." "Oh, you couldn't be more wrong." "Austen lived a very full life." "She could've gotten married anytime." "She almost did." "That's right." "But she decided not to." "Why, too messy?" "Too out of control?" "His name was Harris Bigg-Wither, and they were engaged for one night." ""Oh, Harris Bigg-Wither!" I can't believe you know that." "I understand why Colonel Brandon goes for Marianne." "And it's not 'cause she's young." "It's because she's generous with herself." "She's willing to risk her heart." "No rules, no fear." "And Willoughby tramples her." "She just picked the wrong guy." "No rules, no fear." "I like that." "Hi." "You're wearing that to your book club?" "It's Bernadette's idea to do this beach day, 'cause in the novel they all go to Lyme, which is, you know, like, the beach in England." "This is your last one, right?" "I think we're gonna do some more books after this one." "Prudie's gonna be hours late and Grigg called." "He's bringing a woman." "Thank God it's the last meeting." "Yes, there's getting to be a little too much plot." "Not that I blame Grigg." "Something about reading Austen sort of makes you wanna get it on." "Hi." "Started reading it with Allegra at the hospital." "This is a great book." "Are you joining our discussion?" "Am I?" "'Cause I'd like to." "Hi." "Daniel wants to join us." "Well he's not in the club, is he?" "Oh, come on, this is my favorite Austen." "So far." "It's all about mistakes and second chances." "Yeah, you can stay." "Glass of wine?" "(SINGING) You look like." "A perfect fit." "A girl in need..." "Of a tourniquet." "But can you save me?" "Come on and save me" "if you could save me." "From the ranks of the freaks that suspect." "They could never love anyone except the freaks who suspect." "They could never love anyone." "Except the freaks who can never love anyone." "I can't believe he brought a date to our last meeting." "I kinda had him in mind for you, as a fling." "For me?" "Honey, I took your boyfriend away from you in high school." "Look how that turned out." "Hi." "Hey." "How ya doing?" "Guys, this is Cat." "Hello." "I'm Grigg's big sister." "Oh, God, that's wonderful." "That's so..." "I'm..." "God, that's wonderful." "You're Grigg's sister." "I'm Jocelyn." "This is Sylvia." "How are you?" "Hi." "Good, thank you." "Hi." "Bernadette." "I don't believe it." "Oh, look at you!" "You look great." "Good to see you." "Thank you." "Wow, are you visiting from Idaho?" "Uh, yeah, yeah." "We kept seeing these emails." "And we said, "What kind of strange power"" ""do these women have that they got Grigg to read Jane Austen?"" "Just thought I'd check it out." "You wanna take a walk?" "Well, sure." "Excuse me." "(CHUCKLES)" "Bernie!" "Mom!" "Hey." "Hey!" "Hi." "Dr. Yep?" "Samantha." "Thank you for inviting me." "I'm sorry we're late." "Oh." "Yeah." "Well, Prudie's not even here yet." "Is that Dad?" "Let's say hi." "Okay." "A doctor." "Nothing in haste." "Dad!" "Hi!" "Hey." "Would you do me a favor?" "Would you read this?" "Please." "Right now." "Isn't that what your special little book club's for?" "I really want you to read it." "Please, Dean." "It doesn't..." "They don't..." "Prudie, I feel like you want me to be something that I'm not." "I just walk around being me." "I don't pretend to be anything else." "I'm the guy who thinks "Austen" is a city in Texas." "I shouldn't have said that." "That was mean." "You just set me up for a test that you don't want me to pass." "No, no." "This is not a test." "This is something to share." "Why don't you just tell me what it's about?" "It's about these two people who used to love each other." "And they don't anymore." "And it's how they persuade themselves to give it another try." "Look, I can get you started off." "Okay?" ""Sir Walter Eliot..." "Prudie."" ""Of Kellynch Hall in Somersetshire was a man who..."" ""for his own amusement, never took up any book but the..."" "Come on, you're really not gonna read all of this out loud." "One page." ""There he found occupation for an idle hour"" ""and consolation in a distressed one."" "Come on." "So I've been trying to figure out." "Come on." "So I've been trying to figure out that moment in Persuasion when Wentworth and Anne just began to stop hating each other." "Hmm." "Maybe it's when they went with everyone to Lyme." "After Louisa Musgrove fell." "After Wentworth used her to make Anne jealous." "You think he was using Louisa?" "Yeah." "That's one interpretation." "I think the guy was just trying to feel..." "Valued again." "It was a bonehead move." "I mean, he knows he's nothing without Anne." "He loved her then, he loves her now." "I like how Austen always lets the men explain themselves." "Darcy writes a letter to Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, and Frank writes to Emma." "Yeah, in Persuasion, everything hangs on Wentworth leaving her that note when everybody's talking all around them." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Sneaky." "No, smart guy." "Perfect timing." "Yeah." "Hmm." "Let us never underestimate the power of a well-written letter." "(DOG BARKING)" "Grigg has always loved dogs." "You know, we were never allowed to have one when we were kids." "Dogs and books." "That's our Grigg." "Okay, he'd kill me for saying this, but my brother likes you." "I'm figuring he'll never tell you." "And this way it's up to you." "My sisters and me, I wouldn't say we ruined him, but he's just way too considerate to make the first move." "Hey." "Hey." "I was just wishing that Austen had written a bunch more books, you know?" "I'm gonna miss this." "DEAN: (READING) "All of the ladies were contented to pass quietly"" ""and carefully down the steep flight,"" ""excepting Louisa."" ""She must be jumped down them by Captain Wentworth."" ""She was safely down and instantly, to show her enjoyment,"" ""ran up the steps to be jumped down again."" ""He advised her against it, but no..."" "(SINGING) Two words I always think." "After you're gone when I realize." "I was acting all wrong." "So selfish two words that could describe." "Old actions of mine when patience" "ls in short supply." "We don't." "Need to say goodbye." "We don't." "Need to fight and cry." "We, we could." "Hold each other tight Tonight." "We're so helpless." "We're the slaves to our own forces." "We're afraid of our emotions." "No one knows where the shore is." "We're divided by the oceans." "And the only thing." "Shoot." "Thing I know is that the answer isn't for us." "No, the answer isn't for us" "I'm sorry Two words I always think." "Oh, after you're gone." "When I realize I was acting all wrong." "We don't." "Need to say goodbye." "Tonight." "Tonight" "I'm so sorry." "I should've called first." "I read these books." "I love them." "I couldn't stop reading." "I went to the all-night newsstand on State Street to buy Searoad, the next one, but they didn't have it, and..." "Do you wanna borrow Searoad?" "Um..." "I mean, I have..." "You know, there..." "There are other writers that you might like." "Hey." "Hi, honey." "I didn't expect you back so soon." "Wait, wait, wait." "(CHATTERING)" "Hey, has anyone read those Patrick O'Brian novels?" "British Navy." "Yeah." "Jane Austen's navy, 1805." "Yeah." "But aren't there, like, 20 of them?" "There's more of us now." "I'm in." "Oh, my God, is that Bernadette?" "I thought she was in Costa Rica." "Buenas noches, everyone." "This is Senor Obando." "Hola." "ALL:" "Hello." "Hello." "He's working on his English." "I'm working on my Spanish." "Hello." "And so far I have te amo." "And mi esposo." "Oh, my God!" "Congratulations!" "That's incredible!" "That's incredible." "Congratulations!" "Oh, it's gorgeous." "Thank you." "I'm so happy for you." "Congratulations." "Dad, check it out." "Well, let's get you a drink, Mr. Darcy." "(LAUGHING)" "ALL:" "Oh." "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "Don't be gone too long." "Yikes." "That makes seven." "What?" "Yeah." "Hey, guys." "Guys." "He hasn't read a word of Austen." "SYLVIA:" "Oh, poor man." "Ah, yeah." "We'll fix that." "Cheers!" "Cheers!" "(SINGING) When we want to love, we love." "When we wanna kiss, we kiss." "With a little petting we're getting." "Some fun out of life." "When we wanna work, we work." "When we wanna play, we play." "In a happy setting, we're getting." "Some fun out of life." "Maybe we do the right thing." "Maybe we do the wrong." "Spending each day wending our way along." "But when we want to sing, we sing." "When we wanna dance, we dance." "You can do your betting we're getting." "Some fun out of life." "Maybe we do the right thing." "Maybe we do the wrong." "Spending each day wending our way along." "But when we want to sing, we sing." "When we wanna dance, we dance." "You can do your betting we're getting." "Some fun out of life"