" Evening, Mr. Nobbs." " Miss Dawes." " Good evening, Albert." " Mrs. Baker, ma'am." "All right, girls, no finger marks on the knife blades, please." "(bell rings)" "What?" "Well, Helen Dawes, what are you grinning about?" "Nothing, Mrs. Baker." "Sorry, Mrs. Baker." "Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Moore." "Your table awaits." "Thank you." "What sweet roses, Nobbs." "You always remember." "Madam." " Milady." " Good evening, Mrs. Baker." "MRS. MOORE:" "Such a kind little man." " Who?" " Nobbs." "Oh, right." " You look gorgeous." " Thank you." "What do you say, the lamb or the beef?" "Do you think we'll be able to tell the difference?" "Good evening." "Dr. Holloran." "Follow me." "There now." "Thank you." "Have the lamb, Dr. Holloran." "It will melt in your mouth." "The lamb it shall be, Duchess." "Sean, Dr. Holloran will take the lamb." "Yes, ma'am." " Will you have the soup?" " I won't, thank you." "Sean." " There's a stain on your tie." " Ma'am?" "Have a care, Sean." "Last week it was the jacket, tonight the tie." " Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry." " Remember, there are hundreds, hundreds of young men walking the streets of Dublin looking for work." "Young men, Sean." "Good man, Nobbs." " Oh!" "Monsieur et Madame!" " Madame." "(M. Pigot speaks French)" "Toute suite, monsieur." "Patrick." "(people speaking loudly and laughing)" " My lordship." " Mrs. Baker." "Terribly sorry." "I know." "We're late, but could you forgive us just this once?" " We're simply famished." " Of course." "Aubrey insisted we walk all the way from Ballsbridge." "Well, milady, there's nothing like a brisk walk for giving a body an appetite." "Come along now, your table is set and waiting." "Tell me, how is your mother, dear Lady Yarrell?" " Tip-top, Mrs. B, tip-top." "I certainly hope she will come and visit us soon." "She'd be delighted, I'm sure." "So sorry, dear lady." "No bother at all, Mr. Smythe-Willard." " To be sure." "(laughter)" "My friends, we do apologize." "Now, drinks." "Albert." "(people speaking loudly and laughing)" "Bunny, you're a featherbrain." "No, he's not, he's brilliant." "Do your Clara Westfield." "Dudley, Dudley, call the brigade!" "My hair's on fire!" "My hair's on fire!" "A long old day, Mr. Nobbs." "Well..." "I wouldn't say no to a nightcap now, sure I wouldn't." "Only I haven't a drop left, meself." "Good night, Mr. Casey." "Mr. Nobbs." "(locks door)" "Half a crown from Mrs. Moore, sixpence from the doctor, tuppence..." "Monsieur Pigot." "Thruppence, Mrs. Cavendish, when I brought her stationery." "Another thruppence from what's-his-name, the Viscount's friend." "Tenner from the Viscount and another from his missus." "Two-and-six, and six and two is eight, and three is eleven, three is one-and-two, six is one-and-eight, six is two-and-two, that's... four shillings, eight pence." "Ah, Mr. Gilligan, Madam, so good to have had you with us again." "I hope your stay was satisfactory?" "Yes." "Perfectly fine." "Thank you." " For God's sake, man!" " I'm sorry, sir!" "Look what you've done." "You've ruined my boots, defaced my luggage." "I've never seen such blatant incompetence." "Are you all right, my dear?" "Does that look all right to you?" "Where's the manager?" "Where's that fool Sweeney?" "I'm very sorry, sir." "Yes, yes, everyone's sorry!" "It's outrageous ineptitude." "Clean up the mess you've made of my boots." "I won't patronize this establishment again and I will urge my friends and acquaintances to do the same, if you keep this man in your employ." "Yes, Mr. Gilligan, sir." " Dismiss him immediately." " Sir, I was..." " Now!" " Yes, sir." "Fine." "Give us the marmalade there, Mr. Donaghue." " It's the marmalade." " The marmalade, Patrick." "Will you pass the marmalade to Mr. Casey?" "Always on Tuesdays, if I recall correctly." "Thank you, Mr. Nobbs." " God, but isn't he a smasher?" " Who?" "What's-his-name, the Viscount." "Not to mention rich, young and handsome, with money and land." "That's the kind of man I want." "I'll wear my new blouse tonight and give him an eyeful." "(women chuckling)" "Would you care for a tasty breast of duck, my lord?" "Pink and succulent, just the way you like it." "(laughter)" "That's right, lower yourself." "The likes of him will only take advantage of a girl and then leave her high and dry." "High, maybe, but I wouldn't say dry." "Now, girls, stop this tittle-tattling and just get on with your breakfast, please." "It's no trouble at all, mind you." "DR. HOLLORAN:" " Morning, all." "MARY:" " Good morning." "Somebody didn't bring me my wake-up cuppa." "Oh." "I'll have to lodge a complaint with Mrs. Baker." "Morning, Nobbs." "Doctor." "Did you know we have a lord and lady staying?" "Is that so?" "What do you think, any chance?" "I'm sorry, there's nothing here." "I was two years in the Ardlane." " Maybe you should have stayed there." " Well, is there any...?" "(bell jingles)" " Good morning, Nobbs." " Hello, Nobbs." "Mistress Milly." "Master George." "(Milly giggles)" "(both giggling)" "(Viscount Yarrell sighs)" "(gargles)" "Bunny, breakfast." "Shall we wake the girls?" "(woman chattering)" "That hat's very important." "Be careful with that." "Katie, get those sheets nice and clean, good girl." "Hey, are you the fella for the boiler for us?" "I'm a boiler man." "Well, you certainly took your sweet time getting here." "Mrs. Baker is waiting inside." "Come on inside." "Follow me." "Mrs. Baker, ma'am." "Albert, Mr. Hubert Page is working in the morning and he's come over and asked us for a bed so I've told him he can muddle in with you for one night." "With..." "With me, ma'am?" "Yes, Mr. Nobbs." "With you." " But..." " What?" "What are you trying to say?" "My bed is full of lumps." "Full of lumps?" "Your bed was re-picked and buttoned just six months ago." "What are you talking about?" "So it was, ma'am, so it was." "But you see, I'm a very light sleeper, and me being sleepless might keep Mr. Page awake." "I'm thinking he might be better off on the sofa in the coffee room." "On the sofa in a coffee room?" "I don't wish to be an inconvenience." "It's a fine night." "I'll keep meself warm with a sharp walk." "You'll do nothing of the kind, Mr. Page." "Of course, Mrs. Baker." "If Mr. Page is pleased to share my bed, he's welcome, I'm sure." "I should think so, indeed." "Right." "That's settled then." "Mrs. Baker, ma'am, the man about the boiler has just arrived." "Have you a letter from Holmans?" "Holmans?" "The plumbers?" "No." "I thought you said he was from Holmans?" "Um, yes, I..." "Didn't they give you..." "No, indeed." "I said nothing about Holmans." " I thought you said they gave you..." " I said I know about boilers." "And do you..." "know about boilers?" "I do, ma'am." "I'm an apprentice boiler man." "Well." "Since you're here, you might as well come and have a look at the blessed thing." "Thank you, Polly." "Thanks, ma'am." "(indistinct chatter)" "There, now." "It's the bane of our lives." "I'm depending on you to put some manners on it." "We've our costume ball tomorrow and it's of the utmost importance that it's in full working order." "I'll do me best, ma'am." "Right then." "Good night, Mr. Mackins." "(clock tick-tock)" "(clock chimes)" "Dang." "(Hubert coughs)" "(floorboards creak)" "(Hubert sighs)" "HUBERT:" "Jesus." "You're a woman." "You won't tell on me, will you, Mr. Page?" " I'm on my knees." " Stop that!" "Get up!" "I beg you." "You won't tell on me, Mr. Page." "Stop a poor woman from making a living." "It would be the end of me!" "I don't want to finish up in the poorhouse!" " Stop blubbering." " No, no, no!" " Get up off the floor!" " No!" "Don't!" "Get ahold of yourself!" "You'll wake the entire fucking hotel!" " You won't tell on me?" " Now, stop with your noise!" "(pounding on wall)" "What were you doing jumping around like that for anyway?" "It was..." "It was a ﬂea." "I'm a martyr to ﬂeas." "You must have brought one in with you." "(whimpering) I'll be covered in blotches in the morning!" "All right, all right." "Just get ahold of yourself." "(metallic rumbling)" "So why are you dressed like a fella?" "No one would have suspected me till the day of my death, if it hadn't been for the flea you brought in." "So..." "Mr. Nobbs." "What do you suggest we do now as far as the sleeping arrangements are concerned?" "Any ideas?" "Ah, go on, you take the bed." "I'll go downstairs and find me a sofa or something." " No." " So what then?" "Mrs. Baker will have my hide if she finds out you didn't sleep here." " You'll take the bed." " And where will you sleep?" "Here." "I don't mind." " Don't be pathetic." " No, please." "I know her." "Just promise you won't tell." "Jesus." " All right." " You promise?" "You won't tell?" "Yes, I will promise anything." "I just need to get some sleep." "Here." "Might as well make yourself comfortable." "And that." "(groans)" "I didn't ask to share your bloody bed." "Oh, should have gone for a walk." "(metal scraping)" "(boiler groaning)" "(steam hissing)" "Bloody hell." "(moaning)" "(bell jingling)" "(jingling continues)" "(door shuts)" "(departing footsteps)" "(bell jingles)" "An hour late." "(bells jingling)" " Has nine rung their bell yet?" "Yeah, a while ago." "Good morning, Mr. Nobbs." "How was your new bedfellow?" "I couldn't sleep." "Now I'm late." "Well, I wouldn't worry with that about being late for one morning." "Good morning, Mr. Nobbs." " Good morning, Mr..." " Page." "Hubert Page." "Charmed to meet ya." " He's a shy one, our Mr. Nobbs." " Oh, I know." "I'll bring the children's." "Mr. Nobbs?" "Mrs. Moore." "She prefers roses." "Lilies make her sneeze." "Oh, I see." "Yes, well." "I heard yourself and Mr. Page chattering away into the small hours." "He's a fine man, he is." "Who?" "Mr. Page." "Is he married?" "We didn't discuss that sort of thing." "Then what did we discuss?" "Horses." "Yes, backing horses." "Mr. Page is a great one for racing and so on." "For horses." "(giggling)" "A..." "A cup of tea, Mr. Page?" "Do you know, Mr. Nobbs, I believe this house runs on tea." "I must have been offered, oh, three or four cups of it already this morning." "Well, I wanted to..." "Will I take something in to Mr. Page?" "Oh, yes, good girl." "He wants to work through and finish early." "I declare, the smell of paint from that laundry room is making me feel sick." "Oh, is it the morning sickness, is it?" "(laughter)" "You just think you are the funniest thing on earth, Helen Dawes." "(door opens)" "So, everyone, this is Mr. Joe Mackins." "He's worked all night long and, believe it or not, he has tamed that boiler of ours." "Oh, thank God for that." "Now, I've been thinking that we need a strong man about the house," "So I've asked Mr. Mackins to stay on." " Mr. Nobbs." " Ma'am." "After Mr. Mackins has had something to eat," " would you show him to the yard room." " Yes, ma'am." "Welcome to Morrison's, Mr. Mackins." "(belches)" "Mrs. Baker is talking about a party tomorrow." "It's our fancy-dress ball." "We have it every year." "We don't dress up." "It's only for the guests." "That's a shame." "Where are you from, then?" "JOE:" " Where are you from?" " Can you not tell?" "JOE:" " Cork?" " Cork." "Are you mad, are you?" "I'm from Galway, of course." "I declare to me granny, if you can't tell the difference..." "Cork, Galway, it's all the same to a Dublin man." "Oh, a Jackeen, are you?" "Never would have known." "Born and bred in Sheriff Street, where no sheriff was ever known to venture." "(clears throat)" "What delicacy have you got for me this time, Mr. Nobbs?" "Don't worry." "Your secret's safe with me." "It's just..." "It's just I'm afraid, you see, in case Mrs. Baker..." "(gasps)" "Oh." "(gasps)" "(door opens, closes)" "Mr. Nobbs." " You're back." " Tea time." "Jesus, Mary and Joseph." "Not more tea." "Do you want to hear my story?" "It's not much to tell." "I was married, to a house-painter, as it happens, a drunk and a bully." "One night he came home scuttered, gave me the usual hiding." "Only this time he rounded it off with an almighty kick, and that was the end of that." " What did you do?" "(women chattering)" "I took his things, and I left." "This is his work coat," "I kept it, all these years, to remember him by, the fucking waster." "So you're still married." " I am." "(approaching footsteps)" "Her name's Cathleen." "POLLY:" "Girls, it's time to start the dinner." "Hubert Page, have you dealt with that damp patch yet?" "Ah, you're a terrible slave driver, Mrs. Donaghue, so you are." " And you're just a big ladies man." "(chuckles)" "(Polly chattering to herself)" "So... you married a woman?" "I met a girl as lonely as myself." "We fixed up to get a place, sharing the rent and all that." "She had her dressmaking," "I had me work." "But people began to talk, so we got married." " But..." " What's your name?" "Albert." "Your real name." "Albert." "Listen, Mr. Page, I hear tell you're a betting man." "Have you a tip for Leopardstown tomorrow?" "I'm in need of a winner." "I lost me shirt on Lightning Lad in the Gold Cup." "Lightning, my arse." "You did a grand job, Mr. Page." "Very salubrious." "Thank you, ma'am." "If only I could afford to have the whole place done." "Could you possibly tell me in your expert opinion, how much do you think it would cost?" " What, to paint the whole interior?" " Indeed." "Oh, well now..." "Uh..." "let me think." "Um..." "Well, there's all this out here." "And the coffee room." " Is that the dining room?" " Yes." " And how many guest ﬂoors?" " Two." "Two." "Well, it's only an estimate, but..." "I'd say it couldn't be done for under 200 pounds." "200?" "on, my." "Aren't I the dreamer." "I..." "I can't even afford a new boiler." " Good night, Mr. Page." " Good night, ma'am." "I'll dream of more salubrious rooms." "HUBERT:" "Jesus." "(gasps)" " Mr. Page." " God almigh..." "You scared the bejesus out of me." " How did you manage it?" " What?" "To marry?" "Easy." "You could do it yourself." "Waiter." "Mr. Moore, sir?" "Mrs. Moore and I would like a glass of sherry before dinner." "Fetch a couple of glasses up to the room, will you?" "Yes, sir." "It's been a pleasure, Mrs. Donaghue." "Ah, go on with yourself." "I'll be counting the minutes." "Go on." "But... when did he tell his wife he was a woman?" "Before the wedding?" "Or after?" "Did she say her wife was a milliner?" "Sean, what in the name of God are you doing letting our Patrick up there?" "Come along down slowly." "(all screaming)" "Mr. Mackins." "Mr. Mackins, help us." "There, you have it." "Oh, my!" "Patrick, what are you doing up those ladders?" "All right." "All right, now everyone back to work." "(classical music playing)" "MRS. BAKER:" "Oh, wonderful." "Ladies..." "Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please." "I now call upon the mistress of the house to open the ball." "Mrs. Margaret Baker." "DR. HOLLORAN:" "Hear, hear!" "(Irish waltz playing)" "(chuckles)" "(Irish jig playing)" "Come on, Bunny." "Bunny." "Get out." "(music stops) (applause)" " Albert, my good man." " Doctor." "Why aren't you in fancy dress?" "Me, sir?" "But I'm a waiter." "And I'm a doctor." "We are both disguised as ourselves." "That's a good one, eh?" "(gasps) Tell me your name." " Let me go." "What's your name?" "You're hurting me." "Wait!" "Helen." "Helen Dawes." "(door shuts)" "Dr. Holloran." " Give me that now." " Whoa, whoa." "Stop." "Stop." "514 pounds, 17 shillings and sixpence." "Now... seven pence and... one, two, three farthings." "In six months, I could have 600 pounds." "Doctor." "Your morning cuppa, sir." "(groans)" "Suffering God, Albert, what was I drinking last night?" "Your tea, sir?" "Your Bushmills." "Oh, good man, Nobbs." "Let's have a drop, shall we, for an eye-opener." "That's good." "Oh, dear." "(groans)" "(grumbles)" "Everything all right, Albert?" "Sir?" "Is there something on your mind?" "Oh, no." "No, sir." "Well..." "Well, sir, the fact is, uh..." "I've been thinking." "Oh, thinking, are you?" " Yes, sir." " Hmm." "I've been thinking..." "I might purchase a little business." "Ah, a business." "Fancy that." "What kind of a business?" "Perhaps..." " a little shop." " Hmm." "What kind of a shop?" "I'm thinking, maybe... tobacco." "Oh, well, yes, a tobacconist's, now?" "That would suit a man." "But a woman could serve at the counter." "Yes, indeed, a woman could." "You're not thinking of taking a wife?" "Are you, Nobbs?" "Who's the lucky lady?" "(chuckles)" " Good morning, Dr. Holloran." " Good morning, Mary." "Good morning, Mr. Nobbs." "Get that out of your way there." "Women." "Here." "Oh!" "Whoa, there." "Oh, mister." "(vendors hawking, children shouting)" "Two counters, one for tobacco... and things," "the other for sweetmeats." "There's a door behind leading to the parlor." "The wife's parlor." "But where do Hubert and Cathleen sleep?" " Need a hand there, Mr. Nobbs?" " No." "All right, don't lose your rag." "Lovely to see you again, ladies." " We'll be back." " Thank you, Mrs. Baker." "There now, Albert will look after you." "Now she can have a clock on a marble chimneypiece." "Yes?" "Mr. Nobbs." "I was... passing by." "Come in, come in." "Cathleen, this is Mr. Nobbs." "Mr. Nobbs, my wife." "Mrs. Page." "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Nobbs." "Well now, we were just about to have a bit of dinner, Mr. Nobbs." " Will you join us?" " Oh, no, thank you, Mrs. Page," "I wanted to... to give you this." "You left it in my... in the room." "You came all this way, just to give me this." "It's the button from my work coat." " I didn't have another one to match." "(chuckles)" "Well, you have averted a veritable tragedy, Mr. Nobbs." "For that you must certainly stay and have your dinner with us." "Hubert, you take Mr. Nobbs's coat and hat, and not have him standing there like a stranger." "Well, I..." "I thought she'd be..." " different." " Cathleen?" "In what way?" "Well, she's..." " real." " Ah, she's real, all right." "So, you've been thinking about my Cathleen, have you?" "Or, how you might find a Cathleen of your own?" "Sit down." "I thought you'd be dressed as a woman at home." "And what if a neighbor passing by happened to look in the window?" "So... you never wear a dress?" "It's safer, this way." "But I don't need to tell you that." "And anyway, it's not like we robbed a bank or killed someone." "You know, um..." "I never gave you the chance to tell your story." "So, why don't you tell me now?" "I don't know the beginning." "I was a... bastard." "Mrs. Nobbs, the woman who was paid to raise me, she knew who I was, but she never told me." "Maybe she would have one day, but... she died suddenly." " Without telling you who you are?" " Yes." "She gave me a picture of a lady she said was my mother and she hinted, more than once, that my people were grand folk." "I got a convent education because of a big allowance from my mother's family." "But one day, the Reverend Mother told us that my mother was dead and we had to leave." "So we went to live in Seven Dials." "Had to go find work." "Thought I'd die living among such rough people." "They were poor, living like animals." "Indecently." "Life without decency is unbearable." "Then Mrs. Nobbs died." "And you were what age?" "Fourteen." "So... you decided to become a man?" "One night." "There was..." "There was five of them." "They caught me and they... they pulled me apart." "It was under the stairs." "They hurt me... and then they left me there." "Soon after that, I..." "I heard there was to be a big dinner at the Freemasons Hall, and that they were short of waiters." "(chuckles)" "And back then, my... my figure was just right for a waiter's, so..." "I managed to get a second-hand suit of clothes, an evening suit." "I didn't think they'd hire me, but they were shorthanded and I got the job." "I was paid 10 shillings." "That was it." "Since then, I've sewed round tables of all the biggest places in London and Manchester, Liverpool." "Then..." "Then I came to Morrison's." "(footsteps)" "Right, you men, up you get, before everything on the table is stone cold." ""Oh, very salubrious, Mr. Page, very salubrious." (chuckles)" "Salubrious?" "Who does she think she is, the Queen of England?" "Oh, I'd love to get a squint at her, the old trout." "(Hubert and Cathleen laugh)" "It must be nice, though, Mr. Nobbs, working in a hotel." "Always something happening, something to give you a laugh." "Yesterday..." "Sean Casey fell down the coal-hole steps." "And who, may I ask, is Sean Casey?" "He's one of the waiters." "And did he hurt himself?" " He got a black eye." " A black eye." "In the coal-hole." "You're funny." "Now, you'd better learn how to do this, if you're going to open a tobacco shop." "So we were speaking of Morrison's." "That Helen Dawes, she's a fine girl." "Aw, she's the life of the place, she is." "Helen, is it?" "That's not the first time that name's been heard in this house, Mr. Nobbs." "Hubert took quite a shine to her, didn't you, now?" "Well..." "Look at you, you're all thumbs." "Give it to me." "I'm just saying, you know, if one day you should take it into your head to run off to America," "I might indeed try me luck with Miss Dawes." "How could you deny that sweet little face and all those lovely blonde curls?" "Aw, she's gorgeous." " Try me luck, is it?" "(Hubert chuckles)" "I wouldn't be getting me hopes up, Hubert Page, 'cause I have no intentions of budging from this spot." "There you go, Mr. Nobbs." "The shop is a sound idea, Albert." "You've been shrewd in the way you've saved up money, all these years." "I haven't enough yet." "You have it all stashed under the mattress, is it, Mr. Nobbs?" "(coughs)" "Easy now, little fella." "Could we have some water?" "Are you all right?" "My dad, now there was a boozer, a fierce whore for the drink." "None of us ever slept, we'd be lying there, shivering with the fright, waiting for him to come home," "knowing that if he did... there'd be no place to hide." "He'd get up in the morning with no memory of having beat the stuffing out of us the night before." "You know what kept me from killing him?" "What?" "The thought of getting on a boat and hopping it to America." "(indistinct chatter)" "Good evening, Miss Dawes." "Evening, Mr. Nobbs." "Miss Dawes." "I was wondering, Miss Dawes, if you would care to come out for a walk." "Uh, pardon me, Mr. Nobbs?" "I'm off duty at 3:00 tomorrow and if you're not engaged..." ""Engaged"?" "No, I'm not engaged, Mr. Nobbs." "But are you asking me to walk out with you?" "I am." "Well, uh..." "Well, the thing is, I'm walking out with Joe Mackins." "I don't know what he'd say if I started walking out with you, as well." "Ah, yes." "Good night, Miss Dawes." "Mr. Nobbs." "(both laughing)" "He asked you to go for a walk?" "That's a good one." "The sly old dog." "Why don't you go for a walk with the charmer, then?" "What?" "Sure, why not?" "There's a whiff of money off him." "Maybe he could take you out." "Have a good time." "What about you?" "I'm not the jealous type." "Come here to me, Helen Dawes." "If he lays a hand on you, I'd wring his scrawny neck, so help me I will." "Poke him up." "See what he's after." "Get him to take you somewhere fancy." "Get him to buy you something sweet, like yourself." "Be sure not to keep him waiting." "Not for me, not for Joseph." "Were you afraid I wasn't coming?" "Not very." "(calliope music)" "Did you see that one?" "Did you see that dress?" "Five guineas if it was a penny." " Five guineas?" " At least." "Lord, I love the smell of roasting coffee." "Would you like to go in?" "All right." "(harp playing)" "Look at the chocolates." "Aren't they gorgeous?" "I'm afraid they'd cost a lot." "Oh." "Well... we'll go somewhere else, somewhere cheaper." "No, please." "May I help you?" "We'd like some chocolate, please." "What kind of chocolate?" "Just chocolate." "Dark chocolate?" "Milk chocolate?" "Creams?" "Caramels?" "Nougat?" "Nuts?" "No, a box of chocolates." "To take with us." "Oh, to take with you." "And not something to drink?" "No." "A box of chocolates." " One of those." " Which one?" "Which one?" "That one, with the two ladies." "Oh, no, wait." "That one, with the soldier and the lady." "Wait, I can't decide." "Then me dad died, and I had to go out to work." "First I was in service, then I served behind the counter in a shop for a while." "In a shop?" "Yes." "In a draper's." "Treated like dirt by any bloody bitch with sixpence to spend." "Where did you live?" "I had me own room." "Above the shop?" "Yes, above the shop." "Do you know what, Mr. Nobbs?" "I think you are the strangest man I've ever met." "Chocolates, three shillings, sixpence." "If every time we walk out is to cost three and six, 14 shillings a month, twice, that's 28 shillings a month, two boxes a week." "At this rate, 16 pounds, six shillings a year." "Oh, Lord." "Perhaps I'd only need to court her for three months." "(approaching footsteps)" "Here." " Is this the best you could do?" " At least he bought me something." "Oh, look at you, Miss High-and-Mighty." "Lord Albert put ideas in your head, did he?" "You should have seen him pay for it." "Blood from a turnip." "Oh, so he's sweet on you then, eh?" "Hmm." " Well, next time..." " Next time?" "Ask him for, I don't know, a bottle of something." "What sort of something?" "Whisky." "A good bottle of malt." "I like a drop of malt." "Say..." "Say it's for your brother." " I haven't got a brother." " Well, he won't know that." "I've walked out before, but never with the likes of Albert Nobbs." " He's a freak, is what he is." " He has manners, at least." "Not like some people I could mention." "Well, his manners won't get you to America now, will they?" "What?" "I may not have manners... but I swear I'm getting us out of here." "There's no hope for us here, Helen." "None." "All my life I've dreamed of getting out and nothing's gonna stop me." "America's the only place for people like me." "Over there, I'd learn fast and I'd work hard." "And we could have a life." "Will you chance it with me?" "Will you?" "Yes." "I love you, Joe." "I love you." " Why are we going this way?" " You'll see." "Can we not stop and have a cup of tea somewhere?" "My heels are raw, we've walked that far." "What's this?" "Just imagine." "Blue doors, cream walls inside, nice curtains on the upstairs windows." "Up there a sign:" "Tobacconist, A. Nobbs." "What do you think?" "It's big enough for a shop and for... for... people to live above." "It's a very desirable property, and can only appreciate, the agent said so." "In 15 years, it will fetch three times what it's worth now." "Sell up then, move to some place by the sea." "I've always wanted to live by the sea." "You haven't moved in and you've already got yourself retired." "But I just..." "I just wanted to show it to you." "You ask me to come out with you." "You walk me off my feet, and we end up in this back alley." "I've spent my life trying to get out of holes like this." "Helen?" "Helen." "Please take me back." "I'm tired." "Thanks for the bottle." "And the hat." "Oh yes." "Thank you." "Where does he live?" "Who?" " Your brother." " Me brother?" "Oh." "Me brother." "In..." "In Mallow." "But he often comes up to Dublin." "Joe." "Joe." "(blows sharply)" " Joe Mackins." "You nearly made me wet meself." " Here." " What's this?" "Well, well." "So his nibs coughed up, did he?" "This is good stuff." "Good girl." "Now see if you can screw a few quid out of him." "A few quid?" "The first one's always the hardest." "But after that, it's like shelling peas." "You don't know Albert Nobbs if you think we can get him to pay our way out of here." "He wouldn't give you the steam off his water." "He bought you those chocolates, didn't he?" "And now this?" "Oh, and that hat." "See, you got him hooked." "Has he tried any...?" " What?" " You know." "Next time you go out with him... work him up a bit, see what he's made of." "See if there's a sting in him." "I'm not going out with him any more." "Well, how else we gonna get to America?" "You've got to walk out with him as long as there is a bob in his pocket, and you've a hand to pull it out." "Here, here." "Come back tonight." "Should I... tell her before we're married... or save it for the wedding night?" "She might call the police, who'd take us both to the station." "If only I'd been able to ask Hubert how she did it." "She was like this when we came in." "Is she going to die?" " Has anyone else been here?" " No, only us." "Ay, leave her with me." "And wash your hands, all of you, scrub them in carbolic." "Mother of God, is it the fever?" "Is it?" "Go on." "Don't say anything to anybody." "I'll talk to Mrs. Baker." "And wash your hands." "(vomits)" "Never mind." "Amelia, for God's sake." "Come on." "Pick up your feet." "That's it." "Good boy." "Monsieur Pigot." "Monsieur Pigot, I insist you not go without paying your bill." "Send it on." "But where is my man?" "Where is my Patrick?" "Why isn't he here?" "Who are you?" "(scoffs)" "Oh!" "Everything's impossible." " But there's only one girl who died." " Madam, madam, please." " She was sick when she came here." " This is in the public interest." " This is my livelihood." " I'm sorry." "This is the way I earn my living." "You'll destroy me!" "(moans)" "Mr. Nobbs?" "(lock turns, door opens)" "Joe." "There's something I have to tell you." "What's that, then?" "Is it something I want to hear?" "I'm expecting." "I'm going to have a baby." "I'm sorry." "I'll take care of you." "Don't you worry." "Come here." "Come here." "I'm ruined." "Finished." "You do have a great gift for exaggeration, Duchess." "No, I am." "I am." "I'm mortgaged up to my ears, I've an office full of unpaid bills." "If the guests are afraid to return..." "Come on, Madge, you'll rise again." "Ohh..." "I surely would have perished without you." "Good morning, Mr. N." "Sweet Jesus and all the saints in heaven," "Mr. Nobbs, will you eat something?" "Have you some porridge?" "Yes, of course." "Mr. Nobbs." "Thank the Lord you're well again." "Is Helen safe?" "Oh, yes, she's all right." "Blooming, you could say." "The fever never touched her." "And the others?" "(sobbing) Oh, my Patrick, my Patrick is gone." "Hundreds of others in town." "They don't even know how many in the country." "(door opens)" "What am I going to do?" "Mr. Page... the two of us could always..." "set up together." "I mean... perhaps we could pool our money and buy a bigger shop." "We could run it together." "Just like you and Cathleen did." "Or you could keep at the house painting, and I could run the shop." "What are you saying?" "Um... perhaps..." "I could live here, like Cathleen." "Neither of us would be alone." "You can't just... (sighs)" "She was my world." "We loved each other." "Come with me." "She made them all herself." "ALBERT:" "They're very beautiful." "I can't remember what it's like." "(seagulls calling)" "Albert... you don't have to be anything but who you are." "Look at how you've survived all these years." "You've worked hard, you've saved your money." "So if you want to go out and find someone to start a new life with then you go out and find that person." "HELEN:" " I didn't say that, Joe." "JOE:" " Well, I'm not deaf, am I?" "I know what you said." "You couldn't help yourself." "HELEN:" " Why would I ever say that?" "JOE:" " Because it's what you think." "HELEN:" " It's not fair, Joe." "JOE:" " Tell me what's fair." "Tell me, tell me, tell me what you think is fair." "I'm all fucking ears." "Nothing in this whole bloody place." "That's what." "POLLY:" "Good dog." "Good, good dog." "Are you all right, Mr. N?" "Are you all right?" "She's not worth it, you know." "She's just full of that Joe Mackins." "And he's a waster, if ever I met one." "And he's put her in the family way." "And now they're talking about going to America." "Ha." "It's complete for show." "Mark my words." "He'll never take her." "Not now." "Not ever." "It's a pity this place isn't nearer Morrison's." "You think we'd be let out to walk in it if it was?" "It'd be Lord and Lady Snot swanking it up and down the grass." "Not you and me." "You and Joe have been down to the sea, haven't you?" "And what if we have?" "Well, it's just that I don't think it's right for a girl to be keeping company with two fellows." "And I thought..." "What did you think?" "That you didn't care for me enough." "Enough for what?" "We've been walking out, so-called, for a while now." "It's not natural to be just talking, never wanting to put your arm around a girl's waist." "But that's for when we're married." "Married?" "This is the first time you've said anything about getting married." "I've put a deposit on the shop." "A hundred pounds." "The agent says he has another offer and that we have till Monday to decide." "After that we'll lose the deposit." ""We"?" "We'll make a great success of our shop." "People will be coming to see us, having tea with us in the parlor." "And our wedding will be a great... wonder." "A great wonder?" "Oh, it would be that, all right." "Sometimes I think you're soft in the head, did you know that?" "What kind of man would ask a girl to marry him without ever having so much as kissed her?" "You must not love me if you don't want to kiss me." "I don't want to many a man who isn't in love with me." "But..." "I do love you." "You call that kissing?" "That's the way people in love kiss." "That's the way Joe Mackins kisses me." "That's the way I like to be kissed." "I'm going home." "Helen." "Helen, wait..." "You're a fool of a man." "If you think me a fool of a man, why did you walk out with me?" "I don't know why." "I wish I hadn't." "Anyway, you don't have to worry about that any more." "What do you mean?" "Please, Helen, wait." "What about the shoes and stockings I ordered for you." " What shall I do with them?" " I'll take the stockings." " And the shoes?" " And the shoes." "And you'll wear them when you walk out with Joe Mackins?" " Yes." " He won't take you to America." "He'll leave you here." "You and the baby." "He will." "He'll leave you." "No!" " He will not leave me!" " You'll be safe with me." " He will not leave me!" " I'll take care of you both." "Stop it!" "Why do you say that?" "It's snowing." "Don't worry about the hat." "I'll buy you another one." "No." "Goodbye." "(gasps) Your ladyship." "How wonderful to see you back." " Miss Shaw." " Thank you." "I've put you in your usual rooms." "There, now." "Joseph will look after you." "Out of my way." "Out of the way." "Oh, hop to it, you lazy fellow." "Hop to it." "(bell jingles)" "(bell jingles again)" "What's that?" "Oh, I never eat anything blue." "Please take it away." "Am I the last to know?" "I'll throw her out, brazen hussy." "I'll throw them both out." "By God I will." "You'll do no such thing." "I can't do it, Helen." "I hate meself for it, but I can't do it." "It's the same old story and you know it." "And how many times have you seen it happen?" " It shouldn't have happened." " But it did happen." "Yeah, but it happened too soon." "It will change us." "It will change me." "I don't want to be that person, Helen." "I don't wanna be me fuckin' dad." "I can't even fucking read." "Joe..." "JOE:" "What have you done to us?" "You've ruined everything." "HELEN:" "What are you saying?" "You can't leave." "You wouldn't let me go and now you say it's my fault?" "JOE:" " I didn't mean that, Helen." "HELEN:" " What didn't you mean?" "Mr. Nobbs." "What are you going to...?" "HELEN:" "Everything you promised me, what didn't you mean?" "(knocking)" " Helen..." " There's nothing more to say." " Please go away." " Wait." "(whispering) Marry me." "I'll take care of the two of you." "You and the child." "He'll never take you to America." "What do you know, you miserable little prick?" " Joseph..." " Huh?" "You were all talk just now." "Why don't you say to me what you were saying to her?" "Joe." "Stop it." "You won't..." "You won't..." "You won't take her to America." "That is none of your fucking goddamn business." "Joe, stop it!" "(shouting)" "Don't you hurt her!" "(shouting starts up again)" " Joe!" " Helen, please!" "Come on!" "JOE:" " Keep your hands off me!" "MARY:" " Both of you get ahold of yourselves!" "MARY:" " Get ahold of yourself!" "JOE:" " Get your fucking hands off me!" " Joe!" " No, no!" "HELEN:" " No, Joe!" "JOE:" " Get away from me!" "Get away from me, huh!" "MARY:" "All right, both of you..." "both of you stop this!" "SEAN:" "Oh, no, please, Joe." "Joe!" "(shouting continues)" "You did this to us." "You're a boozer, Joe Mackins, Just like your father." " I'm not like that bastard!" " A boozer and a dirty bully." "Get your paws off me, you fucking nancy-boy." "I'll smash your fucking face!" "I don't want you any more!" "I don't want you." " Joe." " Helen, no, no." " Come, let's go." " No!" "Mr. Nobbs?" "(bell jingles)" " Uh, coal, please." "Lucy, would you go downstairs and get some coal." "A big load of coal." "This has got to be kept red hot for my cooking." " Ow!" "(bell jingles)" "Now there's the black pudding." "Now, which room ordered kippers?" "Was it seven or nine?" " Seven." " Seven." "Good girl." "Get me a nice plate for the kippers." "Now we've got everything else." "Chicken livers, bacon, black pudding, black pudding, prunes, sausages, jam, milk." "Yeah, we got everything." "Now watch out." "(knocking)" "Mr. Nobbs?" "(knocking)" "Mr. Nobbs?" "Albert?" "That's fine." "I'll take it from here." "Oh, Albert Nobbs." "Dear Jesus, I don't know what makes people live such miserable lives." "(scoffs)" "Rubbish." "(whispering) Oh, my God." "Albert Nobbs, a woman?" "Yes." "Did you not hear about it?" "It was in all the papers." "I mean the death was bad enough, but then all those years, and no one suspecting." "Not even you, and you slept here, in the same bed with him." "Her." "And Dr. Holloran left us." "Took off to England with, what's-her-name, Mary." "Said he was tired of secrets." "Can you imagine?" "And that good-for-nothing Joe Mackins went off to America, and left me with an unwed hussy of a maid, with a brat." "Now, Mr. Page, I have a heart." "I couldn't throw her out onto the streets and call myself a Christian, now could I?" "(laughter)" "Oh, my lordship." "I trust you're finding your suites satisfactory." "Splendid, Mrs. B. Splendid." "However, we seem to have misplaced the key to the connecting door." "Could you have your man open it for us?" "I'll have it done right away." "Thank you." "I have an appetite." "Lovely, lovely people." " So you want the whole place painted?" " Yes." "Top to bottom." "You'll have to hire in help, I should think." "Well, it's a big job." "It won't be cheap, ma'am." "Oh, don't worry about that." "I..." "I came into a bit of money." "A bit of good fortune." "Well, to work, Mr. Page." "I've put you up in Albert's old room." "For old time's sake." "(distant chatter)" "(baby crying)" "Mr. Page." "Hello, Helen Dawes." "I heard Mrs. Baker say you were coming." "Well, it's a big job she wants me to do." "Good." "May I?" "Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh." "HELEN:" "His name is Albert." "Albert Joseph." "So, it's a "he," is it?" "(baby cries) (Hubert shushes)" "So, Mrs. Baker is letting you stay, is she?" "Oh, she told you that, did she?" "Out of the kindness of her Christian heart?" "The truth is, Mr. Page..." "The truth is, she says she won't tell the priest about my Albert as long as I work here for nothing." "But they are going to take him away from me." "You know they will." "And they will throw me out onto the street." "It's just a matter of time." "Well, now..." "We can't let that happen, can we?" "(English US" " PSDH)"