" Right." " Right." " Microphone." " Pardon ?" " Microphone." " Microphone, sorry." " Put it straight." " It is." " Put it straighter." " It is straight." "That's what I call straight." "Against the wall !" " Stand up straight." " I am." "Stand up straighter !" " Ready ?" " OK." "Three, four..." "Ladies and gentlemen..." "Shut up !" "I'll do the talking !" "Face the wall !" "Face the wall !" "Shan't keep you a moment." "OK ?" "Stand up straight !" "Steady, steady." "Ready ?" "I'll do the talking, right ?" "Three, four..." "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, we are the Dangerous Brothers." " The Dangerous Brothers !" " I already told them." "I'm Richard Dangerous and this is Adrian Dangerous." "Thank you." "Unusually dangerous, I think you'll agree." "We'd like to start this evening with a little joke." " JOKE !" " Joke." "OK." "Knock, knock." "Who's there ?" "Open the door." "Open the door who ?" "Open the door, please, I want to come in." "Open the door, please, I want to come in who ?" "Look, just open the plopping door !" "Just open the ploppin' door who ?" "(What ?" ")" " I'll tell the gooseberry joke." " What's the gooseberry joke ?" "What's green and hairy and goes up and down ?" "A gooseberry in a lift." "It kills 'em !" "Good evening, I'd like to tell the gooseberry joke." "How does a gooseberry get into a lift ?" " Pardon ?" " How does a gooseberry get into a lift ?" "How the plop do I know ?" " It seems improbable." " Maybe someone brought it into the lift." " You didn't say that." " I don't know everything." "Supposing someone brings it into a lift, how's it going to press the buttons ?" " It's a plopping gooseberry." " I know it's a plopping gooseberry." "Bastard !" "Maybe it's got gooseberry arms to press the buttons." " Gooseberries do not have arms." " How many gooseberries do we know ?" " Three !" " That's a lie !" "It's not true !" "If you know three gooseberries, let's have the names." "Let's have the names of the gooseberries you're so familiar with." " Names ?" " Names." " Now ?" " Take your time..." " Derek Gooseberry..." " That is a lie !" "You made that up !" "If Derek Gooseberry exists, go and get him !" "Let's see your friend !" "Go and get him !" "Go on !" "Shan't keep you a moment !" "Derek !" " He's got a headache." " He's got a headache ?" " That's convenient !" " A bit, yeah." " Has he got arms ?" " He's got plop-all arms." " How can he press the button ?" " Exactly !" "Ploppers !" "Maybe he jumps up and nuts the button." "He's got plop-all legs, either !" "Maybe he fell off a gooseberry bush." "The gooseberry bush growing in the lift, I suppose ?" "A man brings a gooseberry bush into the lift." " Why ?" " Because he wants to have a baby !" "No, he's got a lady with him and they're going upstairs to play babies." "They've got a rubber gooseberry bush with them." " Why ?" " It's a contraceptive gooseberry bush." " You said they wanted a baby." " No, they don't want a baby." "They're trembling with fright in case they conceive." "That shakes the bush, the gooseberry's dislodged, hits the button and the lift goes up." " That's amazing !" " I'll tell it !" "Good evening, I'd like to tell the gooseberry joke." " Gooseberry..." " I told them." "What is it when a man and a lady don't want to have a baby, but they want to play babies ?" "So they've got a rubber gooseberry bush trembling with fright because they're trembling and shaking the bush, which shakes..." "All right ?" "Which shakes a gooseberry off, which hits the button and the lift goes up and down." " Goes up and down." " What's that ?" "(BOTH) A gooseberry, yeah !" "A gooseberry, yeah !"