"Now, Carrie, this is the beginning... of a wonderful, special time in your life... that you'll never have back." "Your college years." "That one's my wife, Grace, remember?" "The other one's our daughter." "?" "Let it shi-i-ine?" "So it is." "?" "Oooh, let it shine?" "Tess, honey, this is the beginning of a wonderful, special time in your life." "Mom, come on." "Part of being a mother means that I get to give you this little speech." "Part of being a daughter means that if you say another word," "I'll go to my first college boyfriend's for Thanksgiving instead of coming home." "Well, then I'll just have to kill him and recapture you." "You won't know where they live." "If he's enrolled here, believe you me, I'll know where he lives." "?" "Feels like it's coming from my very soul?" "?" "And this reflection oflove?" "?" "And all that you've given me?" "?" "Will never fade away?" "Hey, Mom, bye!" "See you in a couple years." "?" "It's getting brighter all the time?" "?" "So much brighter and I'm gonna let it?" "?" "Shine?" "?" "This light ofmine I'm gonna let it?" "?" "Shine?" "?" "Letyour love shine?" "?" "People of the world?" "?" "I'm gonna let it shine?" "?" "[Vocalizing]" "?" "Like a star in the midnight sky?" "?" "Burning bright?" "?" "I will always be there foryou?" "?" "Like the sun during the light of day?" "?" "We've got the light oflove to see us through?" "?" "[Continues, Indistinct]" "Listen, I'm, uh" "I'm sorry." "Just like that?" ""I'm sorry"?" "I told you when we first started that, uh" "I know." "But... we did." "Yeah, well, now I don't want to anymore." "Bye, Christopher." "?" "I'm gonna keep on shining on?" "?" "I'll make it through any storm?" "?" "In the dark?" "?" "In the dark?" "?" "Of the night?" "?" "Of the night?" "?" "You're the light?" "?" "You are the light?" "?" "In myli-i-ife?" "?" "Nothing can hold us back?" "?" "No shadows on the wall?" "?" "No?" "?" "It's getting brighter?" "?" "Brighter?" "?" "All the time?" "?" "Brighter?" "?" "So much brighter?" "?" "And I'm gonna let it shine?" "?" "Letyour love shine?" "?" "This light ofmine?" "?" "This light ofmine?" "?" "I'm gonna let it shine?" "?" "Letyour love shine?" "?" "People of the world I'm gonna let it?" "?" "Shine?" "?" "Letyour love shine?" "?" "This light ofmine?" "?" "This light ofmine?" "?" "I'm gonna let it shine?" "?" "Letyour love shine?" "?" "People of the world I'm gonna let it?" "?" "Shine?" "?" "Letyour love shine?" "?" "This light ofmine?" "[Fades Out]" "[Horn Honks]" "[Radio Newscaster] The forecast: cloudy, windy and cold this morning, warming up a bit this afternoon with a few sudden breaks" "[Continues, Indistinct]" "Good morning." "Morning." "What?" "[Indistinct]" "?" "Another Monday stuck in traffic?" "?" "I remember knowing what was going on with you?" "?" "And ifmylovinglasted?" "?" "It wouldn't be this?" "?" "Wouldn't be this?" "?" "We'd be heading off to Boston?" "?" "So I ticked off my accomplishments?" "?" "Set my sights, the last one?" "?" "Wouldn't be this Wouldn't be this?" "?" "Wouldn't be this?" "?" "Wouldn't be this Wouldn't be this?" "?" "Wouldn't be this?" "?" "Standing on the corner?" "?" "[Song Fades]" "[ Bell Chiming]" "Hey, buddy." "Hey, nice to see you, Mr. Christopher." "What do we got?" "Thank you." "[Woman] Hello?" "Hello." "Almost through in here, Mrs. Fienstein." "You know, Christopher, I've heard that Combat works better than that spray." "Oh, come on, Mrs. Fienstein." "Knock it off." "You're better off killing them with your" "Hands!" "That's what your father and I used... when we started the company in 1945." "We didn't need all these fancy sprays." "That's not true, Mom." "Just kill the cocksuckers!" "They're cockroaches." "Cocksuckers is a whole different thing." "Hi." "It's Grace Minor from Mentors of New York." "[ Man] Who?" "It's Grace Minor, Mentors of New York." "She'll be down in a minute." "Okay." "Arthur, now look, it's very important... that we appear stable and in control." "Do you understand?" "These people have had enough craziness in their life." "They look to us for some relief." "A little joy, a little peace." "Okay." "[Sobbing]" "Can I just show you something?" "This is my little girl." "Isn't she so little and so sweet?" "Oh, she's beautiful." " Oh, beautiful." " There she is at five." "And now she's gone." "You know, she's gone away forever, and I" "[Sobbing Continues] I'm sorry." "Oh, I know this is really inappropriate, and I'm so sorry." "You know, I think that-- I think thatJuaquin and Arthur are gonna make a good pair." "Everything's gonna be fine." "[Sobbing]" "It's a wonderful time for her." "And more importantly, it's a wonderful time foryou." "You should be rejoicing, not hysterical." "Yeah." "I just got blind-sided." "I know." "But I'm gonna give you a strong dose ofreality here thatyou may not want to hear." "This has less to do with Tess going off to college... than the fact that you haven't gotten laid in 15 years." " That's absurd!" " Grace, we're your friends." "It's not normal." "You are a red-blooded, sexy 54-year-old woman." "You gotta get out there and date and have some men in your life." "What about the fling I had in, uh, in Greece with that Italian man?" "[ Laughing] That was ten years ago." "Seven." " I need to get laid." " No shit." "But, I don't know, where do you meet them?" "Everywhere." "Bars, museums" "Oh, great, great." "So if I don't get stabbed to death by Richard Gere," "I get my throat cut by Michael Caine in an elevator." "Looking for Mr. Goodbar, Dressed to Kill." "Don't you people watch movies?" "Richard Gere was not the killer in Looking for Mr. Goodbar." " Oh, well, whatever." " Although it is a little disheartening... that there's no movie about a woman over 35... who's interested in sex that doesn't get decapitated." "[All Laughing]" "Oh, well, wait a minute." "What are we thinking?" "What was that Internet video dating thing you told me about?" "Oh, my God, it's perfect." "Perfect!" "?" " Here you go, guys." " Thanks, Shawna." "At what age would you imagine senility might invite a man... to leave his house dressed for work and omit his pants?" "Ninety, maybe eighty-five." "I think it's sooner." "How old is your ass anyway?" "Sixty?" "Fifty-four." "Why?" "Never gonna get married again?" "No." "That's too bad." "I really liked Allison." "I liked Allison." "That's not the point." "You don't have to live the rest of your life alone, Christopher." "I'm not alone." "I have you." "Excuse me." "Sorry to interrupt." "I just wanted to tell you I've seen you here before." "This is so embarrassing." "I really like your music." "Well, that makes us kindred spirits, because I'm generally embarrassed by my music as well." "[Laughs] No, that's not what I mean." "I know what you meant." "That's very kind of you." "Thank you very much." "Could I buy you a drink?" "No, I don't think so." "That's very sweet." "Thank you." "It's just one drink." "No, it's fine." "Thanks." "Okay." "No, that's not" "Hold on a second." "Okay." "Now." "Is that good?" "Yeah, this-- this is, uh" "This isn't gonna be happening." "Ohh." "Sorry." "[Sighs] Okay." "Well, don't worry about it." "I mean, it happens." "[ Laughs] I swear to you, this is" "Oh, this has never-- it's never happened to me before." "[Sighing]" "Well... how long has it been since you've been with a woman?" "What do you mean?" "I mean as opposed to a man." "Are you joking?" "No." "What, are you serious?" "[ Laughs] Yeah." "I'm not--I'm not gay." "[ Laughing] I didn't think you were gay." "But you're bi, right?" "Why would you--Wh-What-- What makes you think I'm bi?" "I don't know." "It's just a vibe." "I mean... it's not a negative thing." "I think it's sexy." "[Giggling]" "Now you listen to me." "I am, I am into women, and this has never-- this has never happened to me before." "Okay." "Don't worry about it." "It's not a big deal." "Let's just go to sleep, and in the morning I'm sure you'll be" "Hard as a rock, baby!" "[Intense Moaning]" "Hard as a rock, yeah!" "Oh, yeah!" "I'm back!" "Ahhh!" "I'm back!" "[ Moaning Continues]" "Yeah!" "Oh, yeah!" "Oh, yeah!" "What did I tell you?" "Huh?" "What did I tell you?" "Hard as a rock." "I knew you had it in you, cowboy." "[Screams]" "[Gasps, Panting]" "Thank you, Steve." "You're welcome." "So now you're an impotent gay guy?" "No, I'm not impotent... but I, I could be gay." "Well, it makes sense." "You've been sleeping with women for the past 40 years." "It's bound to get a little predictable." "Why not explore the last unknown frontier?" "Yeah." "That's exactly what I'm thinking." "You're thinking about sucking dicks?" "I'm not thinking about sucking dicks, per se, but I-- yeah, I could." "That's fucked up." "What the hell are you talking about?" "You just said-- Look, look, look." "We've all had gay dreams." "Just a bunch of, you know, holes and dicks... and things just getting mixed up in there." "Instead of pussies and tits, every once in a while... an accidental dream, a mistake, doesn't mean you're fucking gay." "But I had trouble getting it up." "You're 54 years old." "That's normal." "Yeah, well, I didn't have trouble getting it up when I was fucking that guy." "It was a dream." "I'm just thinking of, you know, starting off... with a chick with a dick, you know, as a segue." "Look, first of all, they're not chicks with dicks." "They're guys with tits." "There's a big difference." "All right, whatever." "But they happen to make them very pretty now." "Let me get this straight." "As a segue to trying a regular, real gay guy," "Mm-hmm." "because you've decided your inability... to have a long-term relationship with a woman... is due not to your fear of intimacy... but because you've realized at the age of 54... that you've been a gay man all this time... trapped in a straight man's body," "you are gonna fuck a guy with fake tits?" "Yep." "Now, look at this." "What the fuck-- What is that?" "The sex pages." "These are pictures of real, real-- You are not gay." "You are fucked up..." "about your mother, about your ex-wife, about your son... and a lot ofother shit that Christopher's avoiding dealing with, but you are not gay." "Believe me, I wish it was that simple." "Would you just humor me, please?" "Oh, what the fuck?" "That's fucking shit." "Just pick one out." " Goddamn." " Oh, goddamn." "That's what I'm talking about." "Wh-What is the extra number in the measurement there?" " What extra number?" " The, uh, "36-25-36--"?" "Yeah, that's the-- that's the chick." "But the 9, the 9." "That's the dick." "[Reading Together] "Hey, I'm Harry Appleton." "What's your name?" Hi." "I'm Grace" "No!" "Don't use my real name." "Oh, come on!" "No." "I'm leaving." "Fine." "Fine!" "Fine!" "Sit down." "I'm Fiona-a-a-a Apple" "No, you idiot!" "That's a real person." "Barge." "Fiona Applebarge." "What a coincidence." "Appleton, Applebarge." "Maybe we're distantly related." "If we were, do you find that sexy or gross?" "Stop it!" "That is disgusting." "[Reading Together] "Oh, a bad girl." "Me likey."" "[ Laughing] Wait, wait." "Guys, guys, guys." ""How old are you?"" "Oh, that's it!" "I'm leaving!" "No, no, no, no!" "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "How" " How old are you?" "All right." "What?" "You want me to lie?" "Yes." "No!" "Absolutely not!" "I'm 54!" "54!" "You're 56!" "All right, all right, all right, 54." "How old are you?" "Oh, yeah, he's 42!" "What do you do?" "[ Reading Together] "Promise not to hold it against me?"" "Promise." ""I'm an actor, but I actually have managed to support myself... for the last 20 years, so I'm a real one."" "Come on." "There's nothing with that." "I am not going out with an actor." "He's an actor." "Please?" "Come on!" "Give him a chance!" "He might be a great actor." "Laurence Olivier." "Wait." "Got a picture?" "[ Reading Together] "Never thought you'd ask."" "[Quiet Chattering]" "[All Screaming]" "He's fabulous!" "I love him." "Not a chance in hell!" "No way!" "You're going out with the conquistador." "[Siren Wailing]" "[Woman Screaming]" "[Distant Shouting]" "Hi." "I'm Alex." "Come on in." "Is this your first time?" "Yes." "This is my first time with a" "What are you-- What are you called?" "Alex." "[Chuckles] Yes, this is my first time with a..." "Alex." "[Man] Miss Applebarge?" "Fiona Applebarge?" " Oh, right." " Hi." "Hi." "[Chuckles] Harry Appleton." "I'm Gra--Great." "I'm great." "Hi." "I'm-I'm Fiona Applebarge." "Oh." "[ Laughs] I'm Fiona Applebarge." "Hi." "Hi." "A vodka martini, please." "Extra olives." "[ Laughs] Oh, that's" "So, um... well, you don't quite look like your picture." "How so?" "Well, the suit of armor was a little big for you." "I mean, unless you were standing next to a Shetland pony." "Touché." "[ Laughs]" " [Dog Growls]" " Shh, shh, shh." "It's okay, Pinky." "He's a friend." "Right?" "So what do you want to do?" "What are my, uh-- What are my options?" "Well, pretty much anything under the sun, baby." "[Chuckles] That's the fun part." "[ Nervous Chuckle] And you are a--You have a fully functioning, uh" "Nine inches of one." "Uh-huh." "And, uh, your breasts are" "Top of the line, baby." "Why don't you come on over here... and conduct this interview up close and personal?" "That'll answer all of your questions." "Okay, see here, I got a problem." "See, you don't, uh, you don't look, um-- you don't look anything like the, uh, like the picture." "Let's see." "Oh, yeah." "[Chuckles]" "That's before I had my hair straightened." "Okay, give me the picture." "Give me the picture!" "It has nothing to do with the, uh, with the hair." "You see, what this is" "This is a picture of a beautiful Playboy model-type woman, and, uh, andyou are a-- you're a disturbing-looking" "Fuck, I have no idea what you are." "Um, I'm gonna go, okay?" "Why do you have to be mean?" "I don't wanna be mean." "I'm gonna go and I'm sorry." "I don't mean to hurt your feelings." "Don't go." "Give me a chance, will ya?" "You're so silly." "Don't touch me, okay?" "Just relax!" "I'm relaxed, all right?" "Now, look, here's the deal." "I'm embarrassed for myself, and I'm just trying to" "It's... just an experiment." " Come on, let's experiment." " I will physically harm you." " Now back up!" " You're closing some doors." "Back away." "Well, you know" "Back away." "Well, okay." "All right, all right, okay." "No, I can tell." "[ Laughing]" "So have you always wanted to be an actor?" "Since I was little." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Since I was little." "Well, since you were little... what?" "No." "I've always wanted to be an actor since I was little-- since I was a little boy, period." "[ Laughing]" "Oh, I'm so, so sorry." "I, I, I thought you meant "Since I was little,"" "something, something, something." "You know, "Since I was little, it was really hard." "I had to struggle through." "I got depressed."" "Could I have a drink, please?" "I'm just so sorry." "Do you know this is my first date in seven years?" "No, it is." "[ Laughing] And my daughter just went off to college!" "Oh!" "Goddamn it!" "I just promised myself I wasn't gonna do that anymore!" "Where's the drink?" "I'm so sorry." "Where are you going?" "Uh, it was very nice meeting you, Fiona, but I don't think it's going to work out." "Oh, Harry." "Come on now." "Just because you weren't quite what I expected doesn't mean" "No, no, Fiona..." "you weren't quite what I expected." "Good luck." "[Sobbing] What does that mean?" "I wasn't quite what he expected." "Was he just being mean?" "I mean, he was a midget in a suit of armor, for Christ's sake." "I wasn't insulting him." "You just weren't right for each other." " He said, "Since I was little--"" " We know, honey." "It's an understandable mistake if you're waiting for... a very small man to continue a sentence... that begins, "Since I was little," right?" " Absolutely." " Back again, girls." "You're a 'tini." "You're a 'tini." "You're an Amstel." "See ya!" "?" "[Disco]" "How did we end up in a gay bar anyway?" "Well, you said to wait for you at the bar on the corner." " This is the bar on the corner." " Oh." "Well, you know what?" "It's perfect." "You know what?" "We can relax!" "Yeah!" "We're gonna have fun!" "We're gonna dance!" "Oh, we're gonna party!" "Yeah!" "Come on!" "?" "Oh, yeah, ohhh?" "[Man Whistles] Taxi!" "?" "I've been around enough to know?" "?" "How hard it is to find?" "?" "Someone who can satisfy me body, soul and mind?" "?" "But since we've been together?" "?" "You have filled my every need?" "?" "There's no one else I wanna see?" "?" "No place I'd rather be?" "?" "Never saygood-bye?" "?" "You know I'll never go?" "?" "I'll always be lovingyou?" "?" "Never saygood-bye?" "Hi." "I'll have a Heineken." "?" "[Continues, Indistinct] Thank you." "Hello." "Hey." "I'm Craig." "What is it?" "Craig." "Hey, Craig." "How are you doing?" "I'm" "I'm, um" "[ Nervous Chuckle] What?" "Oh, my God!" "What?" "Oh, my God!" "What?" "I've completely forgotten my name." "[ Laughs] Maybe it's nerves." "Could be." "I forget things when I'm a little nervous." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "Well, uh, say, that's a-- that's a nice tan." "And the rest of it-- tsk, tsk, very nice." "Thanks." "I work out quite a bit." "I can see that." "As do I, but I don't seem to have-- Christopher!" "That's my name." "It's Christopher." "[ Laughing]" "Hi, Christopher." "Wow." "So, uh, listen, Craig, you gotta help me out because I-- well, I'm interested in exploring... if after a lifetime of heterosexuality," "I might have a penchant for an alternative lifestyle." "Um, I just don't know how it works in here." "Um, I've heard about the, uh, handkerchief signaling system." "But, um, I don't have a handkerchief." "[ Laughing]" "And, hey, will a bar napkin do?" "And if it will, if I want to be on top, what do I do?" "Do I put it in my left pocket?" "And let's say I want to have my, you know, my cock sucked," "Hmm." "do I put it in my right pocket?" "If I'm into SM, what do I do?" "Just stuff it in my mouth?" "[ Laughing] You see my dilemma?" "I don't know what to do in here." "I'd like to push you all the way to San Diego." "See, that's what I'm talking about." "I have absolutely no idea what that means." "Oh, my God." "Does that help clear things up a little?" "Yes." "Yes, it does." "And thank you, because that's-- you're a very good kisser." "I'm sorry." "Uh, but I'm not quite sure that I'm aroused at all." "Maybe" " Maybe kissing isn't enough." "Maybe you just, you know, maybe you have to blow me." "[Scoffs] Go fuck yourself." "Hi." "Hi." "Top or bottom?" "I'm gonna go get a drink." "Okay." " Hi." " Hi." "Amstel Light, please." "Beautiful breasts." "Oh." "Fake, right?" "At my age, if they stand up like this, they're mine." "Well, really, they're very tasteful." "He just did a great job." "Congratulations." "Thank you." "How big is your dick?" "What?" "Never mind." "Never mind." "If that freak I was with looked anything like you, we'd be locked up like pretzels." "[ Laughing] You'll have to forgive me." "I-I'm just out of my element here." "Don't get me wrong." "This is what I needed." "But if you want to continue the conversation, you're gonna have to humor me with regular talk." "I don't understand all this lingo." "No, me either." "See, I'm not really gay." "No." "But I had this dream." "I was making love to this woman, and then, you know, the woman turned into a man, and then I started making love to, to him, and then I said," ""Well, you better check this out as a possible explanation... for your continual disintegration with your relationships with women."" "So, uh, if you're up for this, I'd really like to experiment with you." "I mean, if you don't mind a first-timer." "You fucking people are unbelievable." "What fucking people?" "What's perfect about them when you first meet them?" "Who?" "Who are you talking about?" "The women, your girlfriends." "What's perfect about them at first?" "Everything." "And what's not perfect about them six months later?" "Everything." "[Sighs] It can be sad to be a man, can't it?" "It's unbearable." "Oh, man, women, women can't even begin to understand." "But what am I talking about?" "You did something about it." "You had the balls to do something about it..." "so to speak." "But, um, can I ask you a question?" "Do they cut 'em off?" "Huh?" "Do they?" "Or what, you flip 'em under?" "You know what?" "This is probably none of my business." "So what do you say?" "You up--You up for this?" "I'm a woman." "Ah, I'm sorry." "Of course." "No, I mean it." "I mean it!" "I'm an actual real woman." "So I wouldn't be very helpful to your..." "experiment." "[ Laughs]" "Are you--Are you gay?" "I'm a no." "What's a no?" "A "nosexual." Is that anything other than what it sounds like?" "No." "So, like, a heterosexual, a person who's-- who has sex with the opposite sex... and a bisexual, a person who has sex with both sexes, you're a nosexual." "You just don't-- You don't have sex?" " No." " Why don't you have sex?" "Because men are big babies, and I don't want to take care of them anymore." "Do you want to have dinner with me?" "I'd love to." "[Waiter] Ready to order?" "I'll have a bacon cheeseburger deluxe, extra cheese, extra fries, two pickles." "Okay." "Yes, I'm gonna have the, um-- I'll have the scrambled egg whites and, uh... no potatoes, no toast and sliced tomatoes instead, please." "Okay." "Do you like that?" "Or... are-are you trying to lose weight?" " Both." " Oh." "Well, I don't think you need to lose weight." " I think you look great." " Well, thank you." "Okay, I've, uh, drawn up a list of talking points... which I'd like you to glance over, just to, uh, you know, save us some time." "And feel free to..." "ask any questions." "Talking points." "Mm-hmm." "[ Laughing] Okay." "Okay, I just want to be clear here." "Okay." "You gave me this list of... talking points..." "Talking points." "because life is short and you don't want to waste time with any bullshit." "That's right." "Do I strike you as a bullshitty kind of person?" "No, you strike me as someone who is just refreshingly direct." "You don't find most people direct?" "No." "Who do you hang out with, 25-year-olds?" "Yes." "Oh." "Oh, other than my best friend Earl." "Oh, he's not a 25-year-old?" "No, he's my age." "He's 54." "So it's the, uh, girls that you... sleep with who are 25?" "Yes." "Exactly." "Well, Earl wasn't a talking point." "You're right." "And he should be." "And neither were the 25-year-old girls you fuck." "Does that make you angry?" "That you fuck 25-year-olds or that you left it off the talking point napkin?" " Either." "You sound angry." " No." "Why do you say that?" "Because the way you say, "It's the 25-year-old girls you fuck."" "I like the word "fuck."" "It keeps me attached to my sexuality in lieu of the actual act." "Mmm." "Thank you." "So, uh, why were you only married for a year?" "Well, it just didn't-- just didn't work out." "Oh, well, if you don't want to talk about it-- No, I'll talk about it." "Why do you ask me to ask questions about the talking point napkins... if you're just gonna give evasive answers?" "I'm not giving evasive answers." "I couldn't have figured out that if you're married for just one year, it didn't work out?" "What am I, a fucking idiot?" "Is this our first fight?" "Are you gonna give better answers or not?" "I'll give better answers." "Sorry." "Hmm." "So... why were you only married for a year?" "Well... it just didn't work out." "[Grace] How old is your son?" "Thirty-one, and he's married, and he lives in Montana." "Does he wanna take over the family-owned extermination business?" "Oh, no, no, no, no." "He loves cows." "Ever since he was a kid." "And so after college he went out there to have a, um... cow farm." "[Chuckles] Really?" "Mm-hmm." "Are you guys close?" "I love him." "I love him to death." "And you're, um, a musician?" "Yes, and I happen to be a very... bad musician." "Oh, that's" "And I playjazz down in the Village, and you must come down and hear me." "Well, I might come down and hear you." "Great." "I like jazz." "You know, there's something wonderfully old-fashioned... and noble about exterminators." "No, if this were the '30s, they would make a movie about you." "No, I'm-I'm serious." "Only you would be played by Gary Cooper, of course." "I mean, not Steve Buscemi." "You're not quite right, are you?" "Thank you." "This "spirituality, no religion" thing" "I get that." "God is good." "Good." "God is good." "And that brings us to "never again."" "Uh-oh. "Never again." Never again." "Oh, it's nothing." "I just don't--I don't want to fall in love again." "Uh-huh." "I don't think it's possible, and I don't want to do it." "You don't think it's possible?" "Or you don't want to do it?" "All of it." "I don't think it's possible, and I don't want to do it." "I don't want to fall in love, and I don't want to fall anywhere." "I just want to-- I don't know--stand up... and look at my life when I die." "And I don't want my self-esteem... to be some blinking light on an answering machine." "You know, rushing home to find out who called... and if she called and when will she call and should I call and" "My God." "I mean, my God, I'm 54 years old." "I don't" "It's about right here." "It's about right now." "And I don't--I don't want that other stuff." "I don't want it anymore." "Ask me what the first thing on my talking point napkin would be." ""Never again." Yeah?" "That's my motto." "Get out." "No, it is." "Wow." "Well... this is me." "Hey, I know that building." "I used to do this building." "What?" "The exterminating." "I used to do it." "Really?" "Mm-hmm." "So you could have done my apartment?" "Did you do my apartment?" "No." "Well, how do you know?" "I would have remembered." "Really?" "Well, why didn't you do my apartment?" "[Chuckles] Oh..." "I know why." "Because, um, we didn't sign up." "We use those roach motels." "I'm sorry." "Mmm." "I can't have people spraying a poison all over my house." "I know." "It's fine." "I understand." "It's small-minded, not seeing the big picture, but I understand." "It's weird." "Yeah." "I mean, we could have been in the elevator together, you know?" "Mmm." "Why?" "Because I would have remembered." "I'm kind of getting mixed messages here, Mr. Never Again." "Yeah, I know, but I'm confident that you're damaged enough... to be in denial of that fact... and just find me..." "extremely intriguing." "Bye." "Bye." "Going for a run?" "What?" " Going for a run?" " Min, now look at me." " What do you think I'm gonna do?" " Uh" "All right, don't ever talk to me again." "I'm gonna have to let you go." "Sorry." "Yo, man!" "That was my last cigarette!" "Talk to me in 40 years." "Hey, Mr. Speedy, it's not healthy for the lungs to run that fast, you know?" "Supposed to go at a nice-- nice, easy pace." "We're supposed to be able to have a conversation, or, you know, you're not doing it right." "Oh, go fuck yourself." "Jesus Christ!" "[Coughing, Retching]" "Hey, you okay?" "Get the fuck away from me." "Oh, okay." "Jesus Christ!" "?" "?" "It seemed so right to me?" "?" "It was heaven ?" "?" "Just as sure as life ?" "?" "[Continues] Hey!" "Hey, you came!" " May I join you?" " Please sit down, sit down." "That was great." "Grace, I'm Earl." "Nice to meet you." "You guys were great." "Thank you." "We have fun." "I mean, he's actually good, and I'm having fun." "I thought you had style." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "I have to, uh, cut out." " No." " We don't want my wife coming down here." "Oh." "Well... it was a pleasure to meet you." "Grace, the pleasure's all mine." "Well, you look-- you look great." "Oh, you too." "[Chuckles] Uh... you know, I was thinking." "You know, I just, um-- I want to be clear here." "Okay." "Now, would our not falling in love... and standing eye to eye with our lives... and not having a relationship ever again thing, would that, um-- would that preclude us from having sex?" "No." "Uh" "I mean hypothetically, of course." " If we were ever interested." " Of course, yeah." "Well, good." "I mean, you're not wanting a companion-- you know, like separate beds, someone to grow old with kind of a thing?" "No, no, no." "We, uh" "We could fuck our brains out if we wanted to." "Good." "Good." "Well, that's-- that's good to know." "[ Moans] I haven't had sex in seven years." "I haven't gotten it up in seven months." "That's not up?" "It's up, it's up." "That's as up as it goes." "Is that okay?" "Yeah!" "[ Moaning] Ohh!" "Oh, that's perfect!" "Oh, Mother of God, does that feel good!" "Okay." "[ Moaning Continues]" "Tell me what you like." "Yeah?" "You really want to know?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Okay." "[Whispering] Like that?" "Yeah." "Yes!" "Oh, yeah, I got more for you." "Okay." "[Whispering]" "[ Moaning] Oh!" "Oh, yeah!" "Oh!" "It's perfect!" "Yeah!" "Oh, that feels good!" "Oh, yeah!" "Oh!" "Yeah!" "[ Both Moaning]" "[Choking]" " You strangled him?" " Mm-hmm." " How did you know to do that?" " Auto-asphyxiation?" "Yeah." "Oh, I don't know." "I saw it on the Nature Channel, I think." "Animals do it." "Oh, right." "How do animals do it?" "Grab each other around the throat with their paws?" "[ Laughing]" "No." "No." "They self-induce it by holding their breaths." "It makes you come harder if you deprive oxygen to your brain while you're coming." "Who knew?" "Butyou have to be careful." "'Cause seven seconds past the best orgasm of your life... is death by choking." "Oh, well, you win some, you lose some, right, Gracie?" "What has gotten into you?" "I mean, I know it's been a while, but" "I told him I wanted him to fuck me really hard." "[ Laughing] Get out of here." " Slow and hard." " You did not say that to him." " What did he say?" " Well, it totally turned him on." " And then what happened?" " He fucked me, I strangled him and he came." "Oh, right." "Mr. Hot Lover was like all the selfish bastards." "He didn't care whether you came or not." "Oh, no." "No." "Uh-uh." " He cared." " What?" "He went down on me for what seemed like an eternity." "The most thoughtful, tender, sexy head I ever had." "And then just as I was about to come" "I mean, so hard-- he stopped." "He lifted my foot, he put my toes in his mouth... and he slowly went inside me." "And the second he was all the way in, I came like" "I don't even know." "I mean, I just" "[Muttering] What?" "I'm glad my mother doesn't talk like that." "Oh, well, your mother was on the front lines of the sexual revolution." "She helped invent this kind of talk." "And if you stopped watching The Real World and started living in it, you might have some juicy stories of your own." "Exactly." "We all birthed feminism." "What's your legacy gonna be?" "Jell-O shots?" " And then?" " I freaked out and ran home." "Oh, a moment of sanity." "Ten hours too late." "Hey, you're the one who told me to have sex." "Sex like a normal person, not like a porn star." "[Giggling]" "Okay, which looks better with this shirt?" "The jeans..." "or the black slacks?" "Slacks." "Okay." "It's not too dressy?" "Not if you wear sneakers with it." "She's a sexy lady." "Uh, how's she in the sack?" "I don't know that I want to get into that, Earl." " Excuse me?" " Some things are private." "This is true." "It's just that explicit descriptions... of your sex life has never been one of them." " People can change, my friend." " Oh, you're changing now?" "Yeah." "You know, people can change without changing sometimes too." "Okay, I don't know what kind of crazy, Yogi Berra... double-talk shit that was, but what I do know is, is that you're running now and that you're not talking about your sex life." " In my book, that's change." " Okay, what do you think?" " Perfect for a second date." " We're not dating." " What are you doing?" " We're hanging out." " Like you and I are doing?" " That's right, hanging out." "And, uh, who helps you pick out your outfits for me?" "Well, the super." "Or sometimes it's Min, the elevator man." "It gets--It gets done." "You're always, always pleased with my outfits, aren't you?" "[Dog Barking]" "Want to look around?" "I knowyou've been here before." "Oh, well, yeah, but... the only think I really saw the other night was God." "I'll ring you later." "[Elevator Door Closes]" "Hi." "Hi." "You look so nice." "You look so nice." "Are you hungry?" "Starving." "Feel like soul food?" "You've come to the best part of town." "Shall we go?" "Right away." "Do you want to order in?" "We can do that." "[ Moaning]" "The well was a little dry." "Mm-hmm." "It could take some filling." "Well, that's good for me, 'cause I've always wanted to be a gas station attendant." "[ Laughs] What?" "Isn't that" "That's not a person who fills an empty gas tank?" "Yeah." "Isn't that what you said you have?" "Well... close enough." "I wanna get it right." "What did you say?" "It's fine, it's fine." ""Empty gas tank" is fine." "You can be my gas station attendant." "Come on now." "No, you be my gas station attendant." "Come on now." "Come on." "What you said is better." "No, it isn't." "What did you say?" "Well!" "Empty well." "You--Your" "Your empty well needed filling." "Good." "Fine." "I've always wanted to be" "A well filler." "What the hell is a well filler?" "That's what I'm saying." "Gas station attendant is better." "Well" " Mmm." "Hey, what are you doing there?" "I need to rummage through your purse." "No!" "No!" "I can't stand people messing with my stuff." "Put it down." "What's this?" "A book?" "I hate this." "I really don't like people messing with my stuff!" "I understand." "I don't like it." "Ow!" "Geez!" "Hey, this would be a bright red wallet." "That's just so I can find it." "Just put it back." "It's bright so that I don't lose it." "All right." "I can't see it if it's black." "What's this?" "It's my Palm Pilot." "Your Pontius Pilate?" "No, it's my Palm Pilot." "What the hell is a Palm Pilot?" "How can you ask a question like that?" "I don't know what a Palm Pilot-- You could use it to make breakfast with." "How would I know?" "No, it's just-- I put my schedule in there, my appointments, my addresses." "I'm bored with your Palm Pilot." "My organization, my life." "[Grace] Oh." "Ah!" "Who's this?" "Well, that's my knight in shining armor." "I keep him with me just to-- to remind myself what I'm shooting for." "I mean..." "if I was still shooting, which I'm not." "You know, being a nosexual, never again-ist." "You're my knight in shining armor." "Well, that would make you my, my damsel in distress." "Do you need a little rescuing, Christopher?" "You wear a metal hood..." "[ Laughing] and bring a javelin" "I'm being" "A nice man." "Milk?" "Yeah." " Do you like my house?" " I love it." "Would you feel more comfortable at your house?" "No." "I'd rather be here." "Why?" "No reason." "So, uh... why did you take off that first night?" "Oh, I wanted, uh--I wanted you to have your space." "Did I say I wanted space?" "No." "No, but I-- I didn't want you to think that I didn't hear you... you know, about "never again."" "You wanted space." "Yeah." "Now listen to me." "You must never be afraid to tell me the truth, ever." "Okay?" "Okay." "Good." " I wanna make that promise to each other." " No bullshit?" " No bullshit." " Okay." "But if we're gonna do it, then it really has to be no bullshit." "None." "No half bullshit, no subtle backward motion, nothing." "Okay." "It's the sexiest secret going." "No bullshitting?" "No bullshitting." "Mystery isn't sexy, it's anxiety-provoking." "[Grace] What the hell is that?" "[Natasha] You gotta keep it going." "Ugh!" "We are having incredible sex!" "Grace, listen to me." "If you even want a chance to keep him, use this." " Especially him." " Oh, what does that supposed to mean?" "Mr. "I'm Open to Exploring."" "Oh!" "This is disgusting!" "[Scoffs] Look at this." "This is the problem." "This is what's... wrong with people's perception about what is sexy-- sex toys, sex shops, porn." "This whole industry-- It is killing romantic love." "It is killing what is truly sexy sex, which is what we have, and I will be no part of it!" "Hi." "So, um" "Do you have, uh..." "a wig section?" " Excuse me?" " Do you have a wig section?" "You know, wigs-- wigs for the head." " This isn't Bloomingdale's." " Oh, thank you." "Yeah." "I'm aware of that." "Oh!" "Aha." "Hmm." "[Chuckles] Can I have one of these?" "Uh-huh." "Ah, yeah." "And, uh..." " What is that?" " Butt plug." " Excuse me?" " Butt plug." " What's that for?" " It goes in the butt." " Oh." "Well, forever?" " I don't know, lady." "What is this?" "What is that?" "Yeah, what is it?" "What have I brought you every Friday for the last 20 years?" "Roast beef." "There you go." "Well, why don't you introduce me to your new girlfriend?" "No, no, no, no, no." "Why?" "Am I so repugnant?" "What the fuck are you so ashamed about?" "[Chuckles] What's funny?" "What is so funny?" "No, Grace likes to curse too." "Let's go and have lunch with Grace." "Come on." "No." "It'll be fun." "No." "No, you're not getting near her." "You hate your own mother." "You don't want to talk to me." "You don't want to be with me." "[Crying] You don't want me in your life." "You bring me one lousy sandwich once a week." "It just kills ya." "All right." "[Sniffling]" "Okay." "If I bring you to Grace, will you die sooner?" "Yes!" "You promise?" "Yes." "Go get your coat." "[Chuckling]" "What do you mean, nice?" "It's a hallway." "I know, but it's in a nice building." "All right." "[Doorbell Rings]" "[Groans]" "[Knocking] [Christopher] Grace?" "Hey, Grace." "Grace?" "I'm coming!" "I'm in the shower!" "[Grunting]" "[Knocking Continues] Honey?" "It's not nice to surprise people." "You should have called." "It's fine." "She'll love it." "Hey, Grace." "Honey, it's Mom and me." "It's me!" "Mom!" "Shh." "Grace!" "Okay, I'm coming!" "She's probably in there with some guy." "A fella--another fella." "Why do you say things like that?" "[Whispering] Ah, damn it!" "Damn it, damn it!" "Hey, Grace!" "I'm just toweling off!" "[Knocking Continues] Hey, Grace!" "Okay, sucker." "Oh." "Hey, Grace?" "Just a second, for Christ's sake!" "[Chopping] Who is that?" "[Chopping Continues] Did you hear that?" "Yes." "What if--- Shut up." "If only they were really this hard." "[Knocking Continues] Grace?" "I'll be there in a second!" "What is that?" "[Knocking] Grace." "Yep, yep, yep, yep." " I'm coming." " Grace." "Christopher." " You all right?" " I'm fine." "Um, we just, uh-- We just stopped by." "We were in the neighborhood." "I hope it's okay." "This is my mom." "Oh, it's such a pleasure." "Such a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Roland." "I hope it's not a bad time." "My boy has his father's manners." "Oh, no." "No, no, no." "It's fine." "Come in, come in." "Thank you." "Is this a bad time?" "Oh, no, no, no." "It's fine." "Come in." "Yeah, we'll only be here for a minute.Just, uh" "We're on our way to lunch." "Uh-huh." "Why don't you invite the girl to lunch?" "Of course." "I'm sorry." "Would you like to come to lunch with us?" "I would love to." "Great." "So" "Oh!" "Mom?" "Mom?" "Grace can't come with us because she has an erection to run." "She has what?" "It was a pleasure to meet you." "What did you say she has?" "So many errands to run." "That's not what he said!" "He said erections!" "Erections!" "Shh, why are you yelling?" "Mom, please, you're embarrassing me in front of my friend." "Now you gotta go to that doctor about the hearing." "I hear like a bat." "You said erection." "Get in the elevator!" "Get in the elevator!" "Get in there!" "[Whispers] Shit!" "[Knocking] Open up." "Now you listen to me." "I have something to say to you." "Yeah?" "I am completely in love with you." "Does that make you happy?" "[Chuckles] Yeah, so happy." "Are you in love with me?" "So in love." "I'll see you, uh-- I'll see you tonight." "I can't wait." "[Whispers] Bring that thing." "Oh, yeah." "?" "[Jazz] [Applause]" "There's this... woman." "The most beautiful woman in the world." "Her name is Grace." "I wrote this song for her." "Grace." "?" "[SlowJazz]" "[Christopher] Can I ask you a question?" "[Grace] Yeah." "Am I the first man who's been in this bed since your husband?" "Yes." "Is that why you're more comfortable at my house?" "Yes." "Is it okay?" "Yes." "It's phenomenal." "[Grace Moans]" " Hey, Mom." " Oh!" "Hi!" " This is Andy." " H" "Gee, what-- What are you doing here?" " What do you mean?" " I mean, why aren't you at school?" "It's Christmas break, Mom." "Generally, the children come home then." "Oh, right, right, right." "Oh, I'm just so confused." "I was just-- [Yawns]" "I was just waking up." "I'm so tired." "And" " Oh, hi." "Hi." "You brought a friend." "What?" "Honey, are you okay?" "Mom, you have someone between your legs." " What are you talking about?" " Mom, come on." "I can see him." "No, no." "No." "There's... nobody here." "I'm just waking up." "Ooh, nobody here but little, old me." "Okay." "Well, if you're just gonna act completely crazy" " Okay, okay." "Well--Whoa." " Oh, fuck!" "Fuck!" " Okay, okay, okay." " [Grace] I don't believe this." "Thank God." "Well, everything seems to be in order." "You are a dead man!" "Dead!" "Thank God, thank God." "I mean, we were very worried there, but I think everything's gonna be okay." "You're Tess?" "Hi." "Nice to meet you." "I know you're very concerned, but everything's gonna be fine." "I'm Christopher." "I'm your mom's gynecologist." "So don't worry about a thing, okay?" "Um... can I, uh" "Can I talk to you guys for just a second?" "I'd like to get, uh-- I'd like to get back with the mom, so could you go out and buy..." "a Christmas tree... or something like that, you know?" "Um, uh, blue balls." "You understand what I'm talking about?" "Greatest, greatest ornaments, but they're just wrong as testicles, okay?" "Okay." "Beautiful." "[Coughs]" "All right?" "Yeah." "Hey, merry Christmas." "[Toilet Flushes]" "She really likes me." "She thinks you're psychotic!" "No, they" " No." "Psychotic." "They find me very endearing." "The children will never be allowed near you again." "Never!" "Never!" "What are you doing for Christmas?" "What?" "I have a Christmas party every year before the troops come." "I want you to come." "How did we get to Christmas?" "I don't know, but you're coming to that party." "You're coming." "I, uh-- You know, I don't do that." "You're coming." "You don't do that?" "You're kidding." "No." "No, I'm not kidding." "What, you have other plans?" "Yes." "I'm going to sit on my sofa, and I'm going to not see or talk to anybody... and I'd really like you to join me." "What?" "What are you talking about?" "Sit on your sofa?" "Why are you being so fucking annoying?" "I'm not being annoying." "You think I'm being annoying?" "Yes." "You think I'm being annoying?" "Yes." "Yes." "You know I don't like to go out, and you think I'm being annoying?" "This is not about going out." "This is about my friends." "All right, all right." "Why don't we talk about this some other time?" "Okay, perfect." "Will you come?" "Oh, come on!" "You'll come?" "It's that important?" "Yes." "All right." "I'll come." "Good, good." "Well, I want you to be happy about it." "Oh, goddamn it." "Goddamn it!" "What?" "Do you want me to come?" "Yes." "Then I'll come." "Good." "Good." "[Indistinct Chattering] [Giggling]" "Did you get it?" "No, you didn't." "Yeah." "It was good." "Hey!" "This is Elaine." "Merry Christmas." "Hi." "Merry Christmas to you." "Nice to meet you." "I am so glad to meet you." "I've been so angry at Grace." "She's been keeping you hiding." "Well, it's my fault." "I should have demanded to meet all of you sooner." "Yeah." "Especially you 'cause you're so pretty." "Right." "Yeah." "Listen." "I was just suggesting... that maybe we should all go downtown one night to the Village..." "Oh, good!" "and listen to you play." "Oh, yes." "I would love that." "That would be great." "Yeah." "And then I could just do that... or I can hang myself in the bathroom right now." "[All Laughing]" "You make me laugh." "I'm sorry." "I like him a lot." "Wasn't so funny." "I really like him." "I think he's adorable." "Oh, thank you." "I love him!" "I mean, she did good, right?" "Yeah, I think she did." "Oh, he loves her to death." "[Chattering Continues]" "Hi." "Hi." "You okay?" "I'm fine." "Call you later." "Hey!" "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late." "Oh, hi." "No, we're just glad to get any chance to see you is all." "We missed you." "Come on." "We went shopping last week." "I know, but it's just not the same." "How are things going with Christopher?" "Great." "That's good 'cause you're in the danger zone now." "It's been, what, eight-- No, it's been nine months." "Shut up." "Not all men are like that." "Yes, they are." "All men are like that." "I don't think Christopher is." "I have faith in him." "Do you think Christopher's like that?" "[Grace Sighs]" "Oh, that son of a bitch." "I said never again, right?" "What happened?" "Did he say he didn't want to see you anymore?" "No, he just had that fucking look this morning." "He told me never again." "I should have listened." " People tell you who they are." " He also told you he was in love with you." "That's just 'cause he was still into fucking her is all." "Elaine, I've been married for 22 years." "We're happy." "We have great sex." "No." "It's over." "It's done, okay?" "Elaine's right." "If it's done, it's because you want it done as much as he does." " That's bullshit." " Breaking up because he had a look on his face!" "He could have had indigestion, for Christ's sake." "You're looking for a way out like you always have." "Like I always have?" " I haven't done anything enough to "always have" anything." " Exactly." "If you're not gonna support me, I'm not gonna sit here and listen to this shit." "I'm sorry." "Hey, I didn't say anything!" "Wait, Grace!" "Wait!" "Gr--Grace!" "Uh, it's Grace Minor." "Mentors of New York." "[ Man On Intercom] I'll be there in a second." "So, it's a one-year commitment to a child, either seeing them once a week for a couple of hours... or every other week for like a whole Saturday." "[ Phone Rings] Oh, excuse me, excuse me." "Hi, it's Grace." " Hey." " Oh, hi." "Um... h-how you doing?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "I'm just in the middle of something right now." "Great." "Can we talk-- Can we talk later?" "Yeah." "E-Excuse me." "Um, you know, why don't we not." "'Cause, well, I know what the talk is about." "No, no, you don't." "I mean, I don't even know what this talk is about." "Can we talk later?" "I just can't do this right now." "[Sighs] Great, great." "So come on." "Let's get together." "Let's, uh" "Come on." "Let's talk about it." "All right." "Sorry." "Hi." "Hi." "Thanks, uh-- Thanks for coming." "Why here?" "We met here." "Look, you wanna talk, let's talk." "Hi." "Howyou doing tonight?" "Uh, my name's Chuck." "I'll be your server." "And this is Fred here." "He's my shadow." "Can I start you off with something to drink-- Water, please." "Yeah, water." "Water's fine." "Terrific." "Two sparkling waters coming right up-- Just tap water." "Tap water." "You want something to eat?" "No." "[Chuck] No?" "Waters." "I'd appreciate it if you'd just focus on what you want to tell me... okay, and not worry about what I say or do... or order or don't order, okay?" "Okay." "I can't do this." "I cannot do this." "Okay, um... it's important that you be real specific here." "What exactly is it that you can't do?" "I cannot do-- I cannot do th" "Here you go." "All right." "Two waters for ya." "So, can I tell you a little about our specials tonight?" "No, just the check, please." "Could you just stay where you are, please?" "Thank you." "And could you just-- Could you go away?" "No problem." "Now look." "I love you." "You know, I find it insulting... on top of everything you're about to say that you... suckered me in and lied to me about all your... high-minded honesty at all cost crap." "And you're just turning out to be the same scared schmuck as all the rest of them." "You don't know how I'm feeling." "Bullshit, Bullshit, Christopher." "We both tried not to fall in love, but we did." "And while you still love me, you're not "in love" with me, which isn't necessarily bad." "It just means that, like every other mature relationship, we've evolved into a deeper, richer kind of love." "Yeah." "Right?" "Okay." "So, well, why can't that involve great sex?" "You know?" "Romantic songs being played for me?" "Oh, well, it can." "It's just that, now that you're not trying to woo me, it's not about your power-tripping male ego anymore." "And since I've become real to you," "I'm suddenly caught in this madonna/whore thing... brought about by your fear of getting close to somebody you actually know... because then you might get hurt if I leave." "This is more complicated than that." "No, I don't think it is." "I think it's just that simple." "And the real irony that you fucking thickheaded," "Neanderthal cocksuckers don't seem to get... is that I wasn't gonna leave before so you didn't have anything to worry about." "But I am gonna leave now." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "Did you think that because I'm 54, I'd developed this wise Zen thing... that would make me less vulnerable... and this would just roll off my back?" "It's the opposite, you asshole." "I had so much more to lose!" "Fuck you for asking me out, Christopher!" "Fuck you!" "Fuck you!" "[Crying]" "You're gonna fuckin' die alone." "You know that, don't you?" "Fine." "Good." "Fine." " I'll die alone." "Good." "Anything else?" " Big tough man." "I had a family, you know?" "I did that." "I mean, who--What-- What are you, God?" "[Stammering]" "I am gonna fuck who I want and when I want!" "You know, I'm not saying all that ain't true." "But, you see..." "I fucking know your ass." "I know it ain't true for you." "That's not what you do." "You know whatyou do?" "You get close, you get scared." "Then you run right away to the next one." "You know, you really wanna be a big, tough, brave man, juststaywiththis for once in your fuckin' life." "Grace is an unbelievable woman." "You should be thanking God every fuckin'second of the day... that you got a chance to be with someone like her, okay?" "It's not that-- It's not that simple." "Go to therapy, man-- by yourself, with her." "Go to some program." "Do some motherfuckin' thing, Christopher." "Find out whatyou're afraid of, blow that shit up, go on with your fuckin' life... before it's too late!" "You know something, man?" "This shit..." "is too fuckin' sad to watch." "[Phone Ringing]" "[Sighs] [ Ringing Continues]" "Yeah!" "Yes." "When?" "Is she alive?" "Okay." "Yeah, okay." "Okay." "[Phone Hangs Up]" "What happened?" "My mom, uh" "My mom had a stroke." " Where is she?" " Mount Sinai." "Come on." "Let's go." "No, wait." "Hold on." "I gotta bring something." "Hey, man, come on, come on." "I gotta bring something." "Hi." "My mom's here." "I'm Christopher Roland." "[Woman]She had a stroke." "She was more frightened than anything." "She's gonna be fine." "[Christopher] Can I see her?" "Yeah, 2 15, down the hall." "Okay." "No." "Want me to go with you?" "[Sniffles] [Knock]" "Can I come in?" "How's your mother?" "Oh, she's fine." "She's gonna be fine." "Good." "Um, okay." "You were right." "Everything you said." "You were just--You were right." "I was just walking around the corridors of the hospital... and, uh-- with my underwear-- and I realized I'm a 54-year-old man... and I've managed to construct a life where I'm alone." "That's scary." "Yeah." "I mean, there's Earl and my mother." "But she's my mother, you know." "[Chuckles]" "And my son--And we actually don't talk that much." "[Sighs] Can I come in?" "You're not the only one who's alone." "I love you." "I wanna spend my life with you." "Y-You can't possibly know that right now, so don't say that you do." "Okay." "Well, I'm gonna-- Can I call you tomorrow?" "You can do whatever you want." "[Knocking]" "Who is it?" "It's Earl." "Earl?" "Hi." "Hi, Earl." "I've been friends with Christopher for 40 years now-- before he got married, during his marriage, after his marriage.." "And... after all that time," "I don't think I've ever felt he's been... matched up as well as he matches up with you." "Love's the easy part, Earl." "Never has anything to do with whether two people can stay together." "You wanna spend the next 40 years of your life alone too?" "Well, I" "I spent the last 30 alone." "I was married for 20 of them." "Come on, Grace." "I mean... you are the woman." " So I'm the more" " Everything, man." "You're the more everything." "[Christopher's Mother Ranting, Indistinct]" "[Metal Clattering]" "Is she up?" "Hi, honey." "Hi, sunshine." "Go get me an onion bagel." "You want an onion bagel?" "Yeah, Tropicana juice." "The regular kind, none of that fake plastic stuff." "Get away from me!" "Get me the fuckin' juice!" "You want some fucking juice?" "Yes!" "Okay." "Nice talking to you." "Wise-ass." "Uh, do me a favor, will you?" "Get her some fucking juice." "Take care of her." "[Sighs]" "[Phone Ringing]" "[ Ringing Continues]" " Hello?" " Hey!" "I don't want to lose you, Christopher." "What?" "I don't want to lose you, Christopher." "I, I-- [Stammering]" "You're breaking up!" "What?" "Hey." "Uh..." "I love you and I-I'm coming over." " What?" " I love you... and I'll be there in ten minutes!" "[ Horse Whinnies]" "[Chattering] [Woman] Is he alive?" " I can't hear you, Christopher." " Is there a doctor?" "Is he moving?" "I don't think so." "[Man] He just came out ofnowhere." "[ Man] Oh, my God." "Someone call an ambulance." "[Woman] Didn't you see him?" "[Deep Breathing]" "[Sighs]" "You should both go home for a while." "Oh, I think we should stay." "I need to do some tests on him." "You can come back in the morning." "I love you." "See you tomorrow." "Can I talk to you for a second?" "I'm very busy." "I don't understand why he's not waking up." "Well, he's not bleeding into his head, so he should be conscious." "Well, what about that thing where if they hear a familiar voice it revives them." "That's only in the movies." "He's gonna wake up." "Yeah, it's just--I-It's" "[Sighs] This is too crazy, you know?" "You finally say all the forbidden things, and you're free... and then he gets run over by a horse in Central Park." "[ Laughing] [Grace] No, I'm gon" "I'm gonna go back in a couple of hours." "Isn't there anything else that they can do?" "Gracie?" "[Grace] Hi again." "[Man] Jesus Christ, lady." "[Woman On P.A., Indistinct]" "[ Elevator Dings]" "Dr. Lee, please dial extension 865." "Dr. Lee, please dial extension 865." "Uh, can I help you?" "Hey, you can't go down there." "[Woman On P.A.] Dr. Navajo, please report to room 6 18." "Dr. Navajo, please report to room 6 18." "Nurse Buckley to urology." "Nurse Buckley to urology." "Nurse Buckley to urology." "?" "[Acoustic Guitar]" "?" "?" "Steady now?" "?" "It's gonna take a long long time?" "?" "I'm envious ofyou tonight?" "?" "And the wayyou comb my hair?" "?" "I'm shakin' like a grain ofsand?" "?" "I'm dancing 'cause I found a witness?" "?" "In the palm ofmy hand?" "?" "You can beg for mercy You can acquiesce, get away?" "?" "They should bottle somethinglike this?" "Dr. Zimmerman to third floor nursing station." "?" "Until they do?" "[Screaming]" "?" "I'm gonna keep you for the future?" "Security!" "?" "Until someday becomes you?" "Security!" "I wanna grow old with you." "I'm already old." "?" "Cover me in your islands?" "?" "Won'tyou tie me up in your pearls?" "?" "Lay me down in your silence?" "You got that strap-on under that suit of armor or what?" "?" "Steady now?" "?" "Steady now?" "[ Both Laughing]" "Ow." "?" "I hope it takes a longlong time?" "?" "I'm envious ofyou tonight?" "?" "Like a penny in a well?" "?" "Nothing ever happened to me till?" "?" "The day we fell?" "?" "Didyou mean to kiss me?" "?" "Well, since you did?" "?" "You might as well?" "?" "You could digyou could crawl You could marry someone else?" "?" "You could play it safe and sound?" "?" "Like?" "?" "You're coming back later?" "?" "I could be your savior?" "?" "Won'tyou cover me?" "?" "In your distance?" "?" "And I'll levitate to your words?" "?" "Lay me down and be in this?" "?" "Steady now?" "?" "Steady now, steady now?" "?" "Steady now, steady now?" "?" "You might be the one who called?" "?" "When I was 18 and scared?" "?" "You might be the one?" "?" "To take away the ghost?" "?" "You might be the one?" "?" "The universe intended?" "?" "Lay me down in your distance?" "?" "Bring me back from the dead?" "?" "I levitate to your words?" "?" "Steady now and be in this?" "?" "Steady now?" "?" "Steady now, steady now?" "?" "Cover me in your islands?" "?" "Tie me up in your pearls?" "?" "Steady now, steady now?" "?" "Lay me down and I'll be silent?" "?" "Steady now?" "?" "Steady now?" "?" "[Man Singing Gibberish]"