"It's your first paramedic ride-along, so be chill." "Not so good with the chill." "Yo, "affluenza," out of my way." "You, what do we got?" "I was at the party upstairs, and I found him out here when I came down." "Did he take something?" "I don't know." "Probably." "It's a party." "Probably O.D.'d." "Give him a shot of Narcan." "I know." "I got it." "Mm." "Guess it's not opiates." "He's got minimal respirations." "Then we better intubate or he won't make it back." "Back these idiots up." "It's not a sideshow!" "Come on, guys." "Back up." "You heard her." "Back up!" "Sats are holding." "Run in a liter wide open." "I'll check the blood sugar." "I've got him." "Go." "What happened?" "She fell from up there." "I'm gonna need some backup." "I stopped the bleeding..." "Finally." "You know, I almost lost two patients this week who wouldn't clot 'cause of that damn medication." "Blood thinners?" "Yeah, but not warfarin." "It's like these..." "These new ones that these drug companies market out to people before there's an antidote." "Anyway, I sutured the laceration, so he should be ready for surgery now." "Okay, I already paged Scott." "Okay." "Hey, what are you doing?" "You can't do that right here in the middle of the ER." "Aw, I just do it it to piss you off." "Yeah, well, nobody wants to see that." "Speak for yourself, Topher." "Hey, it's the pros from Dover." "You have a lacerated spleen in trauma 1 ready for surgery." "Probably needs to come out." "All right." "Paul, get him prepped in OR 1." "I'm right behind you, and we'll go over the powerpoint later." "Yeah, I'm on it." "Uh, pow-powerpoint?" "Yeah." "I've been hounding the folks at Pressler pharmaceuticals for months to get them to choose us for one of their studies." "They've got this high-tech transcatheter valve..." "Gets patients in and out of the hospital in, like, half the time." "So what's the holdup?" "The holdup is they're only giving sample valves to four hospitals nationwide, which means that we all have to bend over and grab our ankles just to get a meeting." "Sounds like a hell of a meeting." "Hi." "Uh, you must be Dr. Clemmens." "Jessica Sanders, Pressler rep." "Hi." "Don't worry." "I won't make you grab your ankles." "Sorry about that." "I thought you were coming tomorrow." "Yeah, change of plans." "I gotta fly out to Denver tomorrow, so I decided to pop by tonight to check out your application." "Yeah, um, well, I've gotta get up to surgery right now, but..." "No worries." "I'll be here when you're ready." "Just hang out with..." "With Dr. Zia and Dr..." "Callahan." "H-have we met?" "Uh, no, you'd remember, but you're just the man I wanna talk to." "I just got paged." "I'm gonna go change in the locker room." "Nice to meet you." "Maybe we'll see each other again." "So..." "Dr. Zia..." "Yes?" "Who do I have to sleep with to get San Antonio memorial to switch to our drugs exclusively?" "Well, it... it..." "I... technically..." "Oh, no, no, I'm kidding." "I'm kidding." "It's a joke." "I know." "But I'd love the contract, so..." "Can we talk business?" "Huh." "Hannah?" "Hi." "I'm Dr. Alexander." "So I hear that you came in with a fever." "That's what they told me over at the infusion center." "Mm-hmm." "Cancer." "That's where I go for chemo." "The doctor said I spiked a fever and referred me to the ER." "Yeah, still looks a little high." "All right, can you lay down for me?" "Ah, you recently had surgery." "About three weeks ago." "Second time under the knife." "Went in to remove some tumors that metastasized to my liver." "Okay." "Any pain or soreness when I press?" "No." "All right, well, I'd like to give you some Tylenol to bring the fever down, but I also want to run a full septic work-up." "And a ct to look for a post-op abscess?" "I've been going through this for awhile now." "Mm." "I practically live in hospitals." "And I hate these places..." "The smells, the sterile walls, the hum of the fluorescent lights." "Good point." "You know what?" "I'm out of here." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to crap on your workplace." "Honey, please." "Last month, we had a guy in here who literally crapped on the place." "Oh, no." "Really?" "Oh, yeah." "It's the glamour of medicine." "Okay, let's run the tests." "Mm-hmm." "But FYI, I am not eating the cafeteria food." "Well, FYI, I don't either." "Mm." "Okay, let's listen to your heart." "Those are pretty necklaces." "Thanks." "Doctor, over here." "What do we got?" "Dumb, drunk, rich college kids." "That's what I got." "She fell from a 4-story balcony." "I didn't want to move her." "Hey, how's her pressure?" "90 systolic, and she's unresponsive." "Alina?" "Oh, my god!" "Uh, I-is this your friend?" "Y-yes, she's my roommate." "What happened to her?" "I should ask you that." "I don't know." "She was at a party and called me, told me to get here." "Pelvis feels unstable." "Okay, we'll stabilize it with a pelvic binder." "Alina!" "Can she hear me?" "I don't know." "Hey, keep going with the trauma survey." "She may have other injuries." "Oh, my god." "Her mom is gonna freak." "Whoa." "We gotta get her back to the ER now." "Hurry up with that backboard!" "On my count." "One, two, three..." "So it looks like there is an abscess in your abdomen, and that's what's causing the fever, so we're gonna get you down to Ir, and they can have it drained for you." "More procedures?" "Mm-hmm." "Can't I just go home?" "Sorry." "Not without taking care of this, or the infection could get worse." "I just can't be in the OR again, staring up at people in masks." "Okay." "Uh, tell you what." "I will drain it myself here in the ER using an ultrasound." "That'll be quicker anyway." "Thank you." "I just want to feel good enough to get down to Mexico." "Yeah?" "What's in Mexico?" "I rented a house on the pacific ocean, this little town on the beach named Zihuatanejo." "It's from the movie..." ""the Shawshank redemption."" "Oh!" "A fellow "shawshanker." Yeah, I love that movie." "That's the town they meet up after he escapes from prison." "Hey." "Spoiler alert." "Okay, dude, that movie is 20 years old." "If you haven't seen it yet, I doubt you ever will." "But you should." "It's one of the best." "Better than "fast  furious 7"?" "Yes." ""Shawshank" is kind of my inspiration." "Like they say in the movie," ""better get busy living or get busy dying,"" "and that's what I'm ready to do." "What do you mean?" "I'm done with chemo, done with surgeries." "I have a DNR." "I've made my peace." "It's time to get busy dying." "I don't know." "You tell me." "I asked you..." "I asked you first." "Oh, yeah." "I can absolutely come over later tonight." "Oh, my god." "You're so bad." "Why are you so bad?" "Oh, my god." "Uh, maybe around 10:00?" "Drew and I have this little errand we gotta run." "Okay." "All right, I'll see you later." "Who was that, Barry white?" "Come on, man." "You know I don't kiss and tell." "Since when?" "Dude, you know..." "Probably means I know her." "Who was it?" "I didn't say you knew her." "So I don't know her?" "Is that what you're saying?" "Hey, I think you took a wrong turn, man." "Where are we?" "We just gotta take a little detour first." "I gotta drop off Syd's daughter at her jiu-jitsu tournament." "Dude, no." "No, we gotta meet the craigslist guy for the gym equipment in a half-hour or he's gonna sell it to somebody else." "I-it's gonna take 20 minutes." "There's nothing I can do about it." "Sid sent me an emergency text about an hour ago, saying I had to take her." "I mean, apparently, the grandmother doesn't drive, so, I mean..." "You wanna hear the rest of the story?" "I didn't want to hear the beginning, man!" "I just wanna pick up the gym equipment." "That's it." "That's all I wanna do." "Bro, who were you talking to?" "I'm so mad at you right now." "That wasn't so bad, was it?" "So there's this pharma company here tonight, and, uh, they're doing experimental drug trials." "No, thanks." "You didn't even hear me out." "I don't need to." "The last thing I want is another regimen of drugs with unknown side effects." "Come on, Hannah." "You're still laughing and full of life." "Then why are you giving up?" "I'm not giving up." "I have accepted my fate." "You don't know your fate." "No one does." "I had this college friend of mine, and she refused to accept her fate." "She fought it." "Then she ended up living for another three years." "I mean, she really lived." "Yeah, she saw her niece born, spent two birthdays with her." "She traveled with friends and family, uh, went to the great wall of China." "And that's a really nice story, but I have a story, too." "I watched my mother wither away and die from breast cancer, and I fought for her to try everything." "In the end, she suffered through treatment after treatment, to prolong what?" "Pain and suffering." "Well, we've made a lot of advances in the past few years, and there are some promising drugs, and maybe there's something that you don't know about." "Hey, Hannah, there..." "There's gotta be someone to fight for you." "I'm an only child." "There isn't anyone in my life." "I spent my 20s going to school and my 30s taking care of my mother, so there wasn't a lot of time for dating." "And now, well, a tinder profile of cancer, tired all the time, some vomiting, ain't gonna get me "swiped."" "So like I said, I've made my peace." "I'm ready to go." "Okay." "I am gonna go and check your labs." "So..." "You hang in there, okay?" "Thank you." "Well, that was fast." "Color me impressed." "Thank you." "Been waiting out here the whole time?" "Dr. Zia got busy, needed a quiet place to work, so..." "Hi." "I'm Jessica." "Uh, yeah, hi." "Uh, Paul Cummings." "She's from Pressler." "A day early." "Oh." "Oh, uh, yes." "So our surgical program performs over 50 mitral valve surgical procedures per year, which is above or on par w..." "Paul, Paul, it's okay." "We're not doing that now." "Okay." "I get the idea that Jessica here is more about the deal than the presentation." "Am I right?" "So what do we need to do to make this deal happen for us?" "Because you guys have been jerking us around for months, and that's time that a lot of my heart patients don't have." "I love the direct approach." "Okay, uh, off the record..." "I want your ER to give our company an exclusive contract." "Uh, you want us to only offer" " your company's drugs to our patients?" " Yes." "Uh, I'll settle for making us your primary supplier." "The profit will pay for the heart valve study." "Okay, well, you'll have to convince a majority of our ER attendings to sign on, and that all starts with Dr. Zia." "Supposed to give him my pitch when his schedule clears." "He doesn't really seem that motivated to change, though." "I guess I'll have to motivate him." "Uh, he's married." "He's... he's married." "Actually, he is married." "He's married." "And he's got a teenage daughter and twin 3-year-olds, and his mother just moved in with him." "The guy is bone-tired and frazzled up to here." "Can you say conference?" "I like how you think, doctor." "Okay." "I can work with that." "Suspected O.D. no response to Narcan." "Pulse is weak." "Let's get him into trauma 2." "Where's T.C. and Shannon?" "With the girl that fell from the balcony." "They're coming in." "Heather, send off a tox screen." "Hey, Heather, where's Topher?" "He just stepped into trauma 2 with a patient." "Yeah." "Blue team to ICU, please." "Blue team to ICU." "Uh, will you excuse me one minute?" "Hey, uh, so... so, how long..." "How long you been working with..." "Uh, yeah, a-absolutely." "It's all... all good." "Talk to you later." "Annie?" "You okay?" "Yeah, I'm good." "I brought T.C. some tacos from la Gloria." "I've barely seen him all week." "I thought, you know, he could probably use the extra fuel." "Well, since he's not here right now, do you mind if I t..." "Yeah, sure." "No, take them." "It'll be our secret." "Nah." "I'm good." "Thank you." "It's good seeing you outside a meeting." "Yeah, you, too." "Are you well?" "Yeah, I'm good." "I'm just..." "You know, I'm trying to keep busy." "You know..." "Are you going to the meeting tomorrow?" "I'm going if you're going." "You bringing the tacos?" "Well, we always run out of doughnuts." " Incoming." "Patient fell four stories." " I gotta run." "Unstable pelvis, open tibia fracture." "All right." "Trauma 1." "Paul, you're with us." "Got it." "Annie?" "What are you..." "What are you doing here?" "I'm good." "I just brought you a snack." "Hey, we'll talk later." "Go." "Uh, okay." "T.C., I'm gonna go check on the O.D." "Right." "Excuse me, miss, you can't go in there." "Come with me." "It's okay." "All right." "What happened?" "He coded when we got him in the room." "He's been gone for 10 minutes." "He's gotten epi, amiodarone, and we've shocked him a few times." "Let's go one more time." "Clear?" "Clear." "Ugh!" "Whoa!" "You okay?" "I'm fine." "I just..." "I got too close." "Sorry." "Stop CPR." "Time of death... 8:24 P.M." "Breathe." "Breathe." "Breathe." "Okay." "Let's get a sterile gauze on that." "And somebody page ortho." "Alina, I'm Dr. Callahan." "You suffered a fall." "We're taking care of you." "It hurts." "I know." "We're going to give you something for the pain." "Nurse, push some morphine." "BP's getting a bit low." "Yeah, the fracture probably tore an artery in her pelvis." "Have you called up the Ir?" "Uh, there's no time for that." "Let's get her up to surgery." "Let's go." "Alina!" "I'm sorry." "We need to get her upstairs." "I'm so sorry." "It's okay." "It's not your fault." "Yes, it is." "I jumped." "I tried to kill myself." "I don't get it." "I never saw her unhappy." "I never thought she'd try to kill herself." "Sometimes it's hard to tell the people closest to you, you know?" "You never really know what someone's going through." "I would know, though." "She's my best friend." "It just doesn't make sense." "I'm sorry." "But they're gonna take good care of her." "Is there any family that we can contact?" "Uh, she's from Delaware." "Her parents still live there." "I-I have her purse back at the dorm." "I can go get it." "That'll be great." "Look, if you do that, I'll go check up on her." "When you come back, I'll have an update for ya." "Okay." "Great." "Good to see you, Annie." "Hey." "Hey." "They're probably cold." "Sorry." "Ugh." "At this point, I'd eat a horse." "You're a lifesaver." "Okay." "Look, uh, why don't you head home?" "And I'll see you in a couple hours." "I gotta go back to the OR." "Oh, okay." "I'll..." "See ya later." " All right." " You okay?" "Yeah, just a little ringing in my ears still." "I meant your... him." "Your patient." "It can be hard when we lose a patient." "He OD'd." "I did everything I was supposed to do." "I've seen people die before, Topher." "I don't get attached." "I'm okay, really." "Excuse me." "The patient in there, um, have you contacted his family yet?" "We're still trying to track them down." "I can help." "I do it for the rehab center sometimes." "You... you don't have to do that, Annie." "I know, but everyone seems pretty fried, and you've all been so nice to me." "I'd like to help." "I could use the help." "Thank you." "I hate making those calls." "Yeah, okay." "Thanks." "So I did a cost analysis, and I think we can match what you're paying or maybe even beat it." "Man, you do not quit." "Look, I get it." "You want the pharmacy contract." "I said I'll read your proposal." "But later, not now." "That's the best I can do." "No problem." "You're exhausted." "Maybe you'll have a clearer mind after an all expenses paid vacation?" "I'm sorry?" "Pharmaceutical conferences." "Florida or the Caribbean." "All expenses paid for you and your family." "Or maybe just you and your wife." "Little second honeymoon." "Really?" "That..." "That's all aboveboard?" "You're probably the only ER chief in the country who's not taking them." "And you don't have to go to the lectures." "I mean, hell, I never do." "Um..." "Just..." "Just out of curiosity, do you ever have one in Hawaii?" "Oh, yeah." "Really?" "So hotel is included?" "Just..." "Okay, are you getting her?" "Just make sure you're get everything for Syd, okay?" "I got..." "I got it!" "Okay, I got it." "Come on, Riley." "I gotta admit, man, this is way more fun than I expected, man." "Right?" "No, no, no!" "Watch the single leg!" "Watch the Si... okay, okay." "That's okay." "Get in the guard!" "Get in the guard!" "Get that little Rousey wannabe!" "Okay, okay, okay." "Patience, okay?" "Get her!" "Patience!" "Look for an opening!" "Good." "That's okay." "Yes!" "You got this!" "The arm bar!" "She tapped!" "She tapped!" "Ha ha!" "Whoo!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Riley!" "Riley!" "Riley!" "Riley!" "Whoo!" "Yeah!" "That was awesome." "That was so awesome." "Thanks, but I think some of the parents are giving you dirty looks, though." "Haters gonna hate." "Exactly." "Okay, but hey, look at me, look at me." "Okay, I scouted your next opponent." "She's bigger than you, so you cannot let her take you down." "Okay." "Okay?" "What if I just do this?" "Okay, okay, right." "And then I do..." "This." "Oh, no!" "You're gonna trip!" "You're gonna trip!" "Aah!" "Ow!" "Oh, my gosh." "Whoa, Riley, you okay?" "I got her, I got her." "Riley, you..." "Sorry." "What hurts?" "Ow, my elbow." "Ow." "Ow." "Hey." "Hey." "You're working tonight?" "That's four nights in a row, right?" "Five." "I cannot wait to have a weekend off." "Ooh, speaking of which," "I have a buddy who owns a bb up in hill country." "I was thinking we could go there for the weekend." "What do you say?" "Sounds nice, um, but why don't we stay around here?" "We can go to the bar." "We can watch a spurs game." "I could..." "Kick your ass in pool again." "There she goes, swimming under the boat." "I don't know what that means." "When I get you on the line, you run off in a panic." "It's no panic." "I'm just..." "I'm..." "I'm tired." "No, it's cool." "We're just having fun, right?" "I gotta let out the line a little bit." "Dr. Alexander, lab's on line 1." "No big deal." "Pool it is." "Okay." "Okay, we have to ligate both internal lilacs or she'll start bleeding again." "You got it." "I'll start the mattox maneuver." "Hey, doctor." "How's that poor college girl?" "Stable for the moment." "You got two minutes." "You get Dr. Zia to sign on?" "Yep, Mai tais in Maui." "But only if the other attendings agree to it." "What's my best approach with Dr. Callahan?" "Well, besides a short skirt and a bottle of whiskey?" "I would offer something to the veterans clinic where he volunteers." "Yeah, that's easy." "It's great PR." "What about Dr. Alexander?" "Any idea how to handle her?" "Not a freaking clue." "Sorry." "Inside joke." "Dr. Alexander is the OCD "a" student who's gonna cross-examine you on the data." "Just overwhelm her with your research." "That'll get her to sign on." "Thanks for the tips." "That heart valve's almost yours." "I think we might actually get it." "I genuflect in your direction." "What are you talking about?" "Come on." "Topher and the vacation?" "T.C. and the vets?" "Jordan and the charts?" "I mean, you're the..." "The puppet master." "You're the man behind the curtain." "You are keyser soze." "No." "Just trying to push things along is all." "That valve would be a game changer for us." "All right." "Let's get the other side tied off, okay?" "I just grabbed her whole purse." "Her phone should be in there." "Is this hers?" "I guess so." "She seemed fine?" "Didn't seem depressed?" "No, not at all." "Toph is, uh, is that pharm rep still here?" "I-I think she's upstairs observing a surgery." "But I-i can call up, tee." "What is it?" "Oh." "Hey." "How the hell do you sleep at night?" "Uh, bourbon, usually." "Sometimes Ambien." "Is something wrong?" "Yeah, the girl in there, she's on ruprorin." "Sound familiar?" "Yeah, it's an acne med we offer." "Works great." "Yeah, it works great for suicide." "Um, what are you saying?" "Well, that girl..." "She jumped off a balcony, tried to kill herself." "Your drug causes suicidal thoughts." "That's one possible side effect, but her doctor prescribed it, so..." "How about being responsible, not putting out a bad drug?" "Okay, it's not a bad drug." "All drugs have side effects." "Ibuprofen has side effects." "That girl almost died because your company cares more about the bottom line than about people." "You have no idea if that's why she jumped." "And my company has drugs that curb AIDS, that slows the rate of cancer." "And some of them, guess what?" "They have side effects that include suicidal thoughts." "So are you against those as well?" "No, no, I'm against compromising my integrity." "Oh, come on, please." "Like you don't have a smartphone made by child labor in China." "We're all compromising something." "Maybe some of us more than others." "I get it." "You're frustrated." "You're raging against the machine." "But I am not the machine." "No, you work for the machine, and maybe that's worse." "Excuse me." "Excuse me, hi." "I'm Dr. Alexander." "This might not be the best time, but, uh, can I ask you a couple questions?" "Sure, if I can ask you one." "Why is that guy such a dick?" "Yeah, that's complicated." "Uh, let me buy you a coffee." "So you met T.C.?" "Is that what they call him?" "I have to take him downstairs." "Oh, okay." "I've reached out, but I still haven't found any close relatives nearby." "I just didn't like the idea of him laying here all alone without anyone." "I don't think he'd mind, but it's your waste of time." "Did I do something to offend you?" "No, not really." "It's just..." "You don't even know this guy." "I don't get why you care so much." "Well, uh, because I'm trying to help." "It's part of the program." "Ah." "One of those." "One of what?" "12-steppers?" "Always preaching the gospel, trying to convert more members to your little cult." "It's not a cult." "What are you, 12?" "You have no idea what you're talking about." "If you had any experience..." "I've had experience with it." "I've seen addiction take a lot of people too soon." "And I've been in the program and seen it fail firsthand." "Well, I'm sorry it didn't work for you, but it's worked for..." "Millions?" "Yeah." "I know the spiel." "Good luck." "I mean it." "10 years?" "You were with that dude for 10 years?" "It was on and off, you know?" "But..." "Oh, my god." "In the end, we realized that it wasn't right for us to be together." "So..." "You know, there's this whole other side to him that not a lot of people get to see." "And honestly, you couldn't ask for a more loyal person, to his friends and his patients." "Well, I guess there's something to be said for that, right?" "And he's not exactly ugly." "No, he's not." "So, uh, do you think you can get Hannah get in on your new study?" "She won't fit the inclusion criteria." "Trial starts in two weeks." "She's had chemotherapy in the last 30 days." "It disqualifies her." "Okay, so there's nothing you can do?" "I didn't say that." "There's always something that can be done, but..." "Let me ask you a question." "What would it take to get you to change your ER's pharmaceutical provider?" "Hmm." "Hey, guys, how's Alina doing?" "Uh, just took her to recovery." "She's stable for now." "They gotta keep monitoring her crits." "Have you seen T.C.?" "No, I've been looking for him." "I heard he went off on Jessica." "Yeah, the nurses could hear him yelling from the OR." "If he messed up our heart valve..." "Yeah, I know." "I already told Janet about Hawaii." "What?" "I..." "It's..." "I'll..." "I'll talk to T.C." "Yeah, like that'll do any good." "And nothing personal, but the guy doesn't listen to anybody." "Not me, not even you." "And I try and keep the peace with him, you know I do, but sometimes I just wanna..." "Yeah, no, I know." "I get it." "Sor... sorry about that." "We just really need that heart valve." "Yeah." "Over this way to get you x-rayed." " Hey, what happened?" " Drew broke my arm." " Maybe you don't say it like that." " Well, you did." "What... who... who's that?" "That's Riley, Syd's daughter." "Who's Syd?" "Yeah, the doctor drew was deployed with in Bagram." "Oh." "Uh, we went to her jiu-jitsu tournament tonight, and drew accidentally fell on her." "Wow, that's gonna be a fun call to mom." "Right?" "Topher." "Hey, Topher." "So, uh, I hear that you're open to switching to Pressler pharmaceuticals." "You do the research?" "Yeah, you know, it looks good." "Prices are competitive." "Same meds, different names." "Are you open to switching?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm open, if you are." "You know, attacking her like that is completely unprofessional." "Yeah, well, I was..." "I was pissed." "Well, my twins get pissed, too, but I expect a tantrum from them." "They're 3." "Look, this heart valve study's huge for this hospital." "We'll make a compromise here and there," "I think..." "I think we'd do it." "Can you not stand right there?" "Yeah." "Sorry." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Topher, I'm..." "I'm not gonna apologize." "No, I didn't expect you to, fonzie." "Just sign on the deal." "Do it for me." "And for the... for the hospital." "Do it for the hospital." "If it's not this company, it'll be another one." "All right, fine." "I'll do it." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Thanks." "Oh, and one more thing." "Looks like you wet your pants." "You should change your pants." "You know payback's gonna be a bitch, right?" "Hey." "Fancy meeting you here." "Hey." "What are you still doing here?" "I-I didn't wanna be alone." "That's why I brought T.C. food." "That's why I helped Topher with that OD." "Yeah, I get it." "Anything to avoid the middle of the night struggle." "Staring at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to come up." "Pretty much." "I know you two aren't close." "I know about the whole Jordan thing, but he's been amazing to me." "Taking care of me, helping me." "He's been my rock." "That's really great." "Yeah, but it's a lot of pressure, too, you know?" "I feel like I can't be totally honest with him, like..." "He'll be nervous or get worried or..." "I just..." "I don't wanna disappoint him." "You know, it's gotta be about you." "That's what scares me." "I keep thinking about that..." "Man, that boy who OD'd tonight." "I just keep thinking that could've been me." "It's not." "You're here, alive, working your program, step by step." "I know." "But something that Shannon girl said..." "Oh." "Do not listen to her." "She's mouthy, that one." "Yeah, that's for damn sure." "Still, I just..." "What if I relapse?" "What if I'm not strong enough?" "Then you get back up and you start over." "Have you ever relapsed?" "Yeah." "It was last year." "I relapsed last year." "I gotta take this." "Uh, it could be a reaction to the anesthesia?" "No, she must've had a pleural tear." "And the positive pressure from the vent has caused subcutaneous emphysema." "What does that mean?" "Is she okay?" "Air from her lungs is leaking into her soft tissue." "Uh, guys..." "She's blowing up." "Her sats are dropping." "Subcutaneous air is constricting her lungs." "Do something!" "Help her!" "We gotta release this air before she codes." "Numb her up." "Alina, can you hear me?" "Alina!" "BP's down to 63 systolic." "All right, we gotta go." "Stay with us, Alina." "Pressure's holding." "Okay, I need to make another incision." "All right." "So, I, uh, I talked to that pharma rep." "And she's gonna try to get you in on that trial study." "I told you I didn't wanna do that." "Look, you are not gonna make it to Mexico without some help, all right?" "You fainted, you have a fever." "You need this." "Thank you." "Why can't you just take "no" for an answer?" "I don't like to quit." "It's not you quitting." "It's me." "Why does that bother you so much?" "Well, can't someone just care?" "I mean, come on." "Yeah, but there's always a deeper meaning to it." "What is this, a therapy session?" "Who's treating who here?" "I guess I didn't mention what my job was." "I'm a therapist." "Oh." "Well, that makes sense." " Where have you been my whole life?" " I'm here now." "So what do you think this not being able to quit is about?" "Come on, let me feel like I'm helping somebody again." "You really wanna do this?" "You talk to me..." "I will try your study." "Feeling better now, huh?" "Yeah." "That was scary." "I bet." "The air will continue to drain, so you might feel a little swollen for a few more days." "And you'll be immobilized for a while with that pelvic fracture." "But she's gonna be okay, right?" "Physically, she'll heal okay." "Alina, we, uh, we need to talk to you about the medication you were taking." "What medication?" "Ruprorin." "The acne medication." "Yeah, it's got some pretty serious side effects, including suicidal thoughts." "It wasn't the pills." "I hadn't taken it yet." "What?" "It's just been really hard for me this year with school and just been feeling alone." "Alina, why didn't you tell me you were feeling that way?" "Didn't wanna bother anyone." "The second I stepped off the balcony," "I changed my mind, but..." "It was too late." "Alina, I've been there." "You have?" "Yeah." "When I got back from the war," "I lost my brother, and I didn't see any reason." "But there was." "And I got help." "That was the best thing I ever did." "I'd like to go get someone to come talk with you." "Would that be okay?" "Okay." "Are my parents coming?" "Yeah, they got in the first flight to come see you." "Can I stay with her?" "Yeah, of course." "We'll, uh, we'll check in later." "Okay?" "I'm just bummed I didn't get to finish the tournament." "I totally would've kicked that girl's butt." "Oh, yeah, if drew didn't break your elbow, you would've smoked her." "Hey, it's not broken." "Okay?" "Just sprained." "You are gonna have to wear this sling for a week." "What?" "I don't even get a cool cast for people to write on?" "Sorry." "And I'm really sorry about all this." "I know it's not the best way to end the night." "It's okay." "I had fun." "And at least my mom will get to see the video of my first match." "Yeah, and she'll get to kill me when she comes home and sees you." "Yeah." "Yeah." "You've been a trooper, though." "You're pretty grown up for 13." "I was a little bit of an idiot when I was your age." "Yeah, some say you still are." "Yeah." "Hey, that's not funny." "Oh, hold on a second." "This is gonna be ugly." "Okay, Syd, Syd, before you yell at me, I..." "Let me talk to her." "Right." "Yeah, okay." "No, I'm giving you to Riley, okay." "Hi, mom." "No, I'm fine." "No, it was all my fault." "I know." "I tripped." "I'm a klutz." "But wait until you see the match." "I was awesome." "There have been times in my life..." "My father, uh..." "He's dead, by the way." "And in my personal relationships where I feel like I have quit." "I feel like I..." "Could've done more to help them." "Um, since I don't have what it takes in my personal life," "I make damn sure not to quit in my professional one." "Whoa." "You are messed up." "I'm sorry I asked." "I gotcha, didn't I?" "Yeah, a little." "Which tells me that you believe that crap." "Which crap?" "The crap about you quitting on people." "I mean, it's not as simple as it sounds, but you know you bust your ass with your patients." "So why won't you give yourself the same benefit of the doubt with your relationships?" "I don't know." "Well, then that's what we should be talking about." "So that's when you relapsed?" "I settled the lawsuit, and I gave them everything I had." "I lost everything." "But I still couldn't stand the guilt." "And I tried to go see him, but they wouldn't let me." "Still won't let me." "And so then..." "I had a drink." "Or 10." "But then you just..." "Stopped yourself?" "Barely." "But it never even should've gotten to that point." "There's always help available, but I ignored it." "I got cocky." "Big-time surgeon, great career." "I figured all my problems, all my issues are behind me." "So..." "Didn't have a sponsor, wasn't going to meetings." "Well, I'll tell you what." "The next time you feel like that, you have to call me." "And you'll bring tacos?" "I will bring you anything you want." "Hey." "You wanted to see me?" "Oh." "Yeah." "Good news." "She's in." "Oh, so you got the trial pushed back?" "Not exactly." "I messed with the dates of your patient's last chemotherapy appointment." "Uh, I didn't ask you to lie." "I mean..." "Do you want her to be in the trial or not?" "Well, yeah, but..." "Well, this is the only way." "I'm going off of her records from the previous month, which gives you the 30-day buffer that she needs." "I never saw the other ones." "You don't have to do anything." "I'm doing it." "Just don't undo it." "Look, I can't guarantee that this ER's gonna go with your company." "It's being considered, but I can't be beholden..." "Stop, relax." "Okay." "I didn't do this as quid pro quo." "Your conscience is safe." "Let's just say I needed a win tonight." "Offset some bad karma." "All right." "Thank you." "I'll go tell her." "Dr. Alexander!" "Shortness of breath." "Hannah." "Hang in there." "Everything's gonna be okay." "Got some good news." "We got you in on that trial, huh?" "How great is that?" "My chest really hurts." "I can't breathe." "Okay." "I need a crash cart, please." "Acute chest pain and hypoxia." "This is a PE." "I'm pushing TPA." "Page vascular and tell the OR we're on our way." "Jordan, she's DNR." "She doesn't want this." "I know, but I just..." "Let me go." "Please." "Jordan..." "I wanna go." "Please." "Can you get her some morphine, please?" "Yes." "Hey, uh, Shannon." "Um, I'm glad I caught you." "There's something I-i need to say." "What's up?" "Um, earlier, when you seemed nonchalant after we lost the patient..." "Topher..." "Just hear me out 'cause this is important." "I know we see some terrible things in this job." "And in order to survive, we do need to be able to compartmentalize certain things and not get too attached." "It's not that." "Look, that kid who overdosed and then seeing that girl jump because I thought she was drunk, it pushed my buttons." "How... how so?" "Where I grew up, drugs and alcohol are everywhere." "So when I see some rich, white college kid who has it all and just throws it away?" "I worked really hard to get to where I am today and I almost didn't make it." "I would've given anything to have the opportunities he had." "So I'm sorry, but I don't have a lot of sympathy." "Well, there's nothing wrong with being proud of what you've overcome, but you do have to find a way to make an emotional connection with your patients, no matter what biases you might have." "We all bring our own baggage to every case, especially when you first start." "But you have to find a way to put that aside if you ever hope to grow as a doctor." "Okay." "I'll work on it." "Okay." "I will." "* can't you hear the church bells * * coming through my window * * but they gotta be so loud * * nothing to shout about *" "Jordan?" "So sorry." "If there's any way I can help in the future, please let me know." "Thank you for everything." "* getting inside my brain * * you'll be all right *" "* wish I could sleep tonight * uh, and... and listen..." "Uh, thank you." "Um..." "I-I just wanted to say that what T.C. did was inappropriate and I wanted to apologize on behalf of the entire hos..." "You can stop." "You're getting the heart valve." "What?" "We are?" "Truth is, San Antonio memorial was already one of the hospitals chosen for the pilot program." "I was just kind of trying to squeeze a little extra out tonight, so..." "Okay." "Um, that's great." "Uh, because, you know, uh, we do have a very consistent track record with..." "Paul, learn to take a yes." "Yes." "You can go now." "Yes." "Okay." "We got the heart valve, man." "Okay." "So, uh, that's good news." "I was looking for you 'cause, uh, I wanted to apologize for earlier." "Was that it?" "'Cause that was pretty lame." "You're not gonna make this easy for me, are you?" "No." "Look, you don't have to apologize." "You're passionate about your patients." "That's more than admirable." "Kinda feel like everyone on this shift is, actually." "Thank you for helping Dr. Alexander." "I guess I, uh..." "I may have been wrong about you." "I shouldn't have said all that stuff." "Actually, you were..." "Kinda right." "Selling pharmaceuticals and my soul?" "It's a BS job." "I hate it." "This was not my life dream." "Got a job out of college and was $150k in debt, student loans, and voilà." "Six years later, here I still am." "Is that yours?" "Yeah." "You know how to ride that thing?" "You'd be surprised what I know how to ride." "* can't you hear the church bells * give me a call." "Maybe I can show you a few more surprises." "* getting inside my brain * * you'll be all right *" "* wish I could sleep tonight * * it'll be all right *" "* wish it was a quiet night * hey." "I heard, uh, I heard what you've been through tonight." "This is just not how I expected things to go." "I mean, we lose patients all the time." "It's just, sometimes there's..." "Yeah, sometimes you just find one that really gets to you." "Yeah." "I understand." "You know, she wasn't afraid of dying." "She just faced it head on." "I mean, I wish I had that kind of strength." "Hey." "You do." "I've seen it." "* it'll be all right * * just wish that it was a quiet night *"