"Uh-uh." "Do another one." "Come on." "One more." "Okay, what's 49,568 times 26?" "Come on, Daddy." "Give Nate a break." "He's a regular genius." "Not one of them freak geniuses." "1,288,768." "Right again." "Oh!" "Ha ha." "That is amazing." "Is there anything that brain can't do?" "Hang on." "What color shirt are you wearing?" "Uh..." "It's a good thing he's pretty." "Nate, we love this girl." "She is a pistol." "Yeah." "Oh, son, I almost forgot." "Your grandma says her Rascal scooter's not hugging the curves like it used to." "Can you take a look at it for me?" "Well, I'd love to but, uh," "I got a lot going on this week, uh..." "Can you take a look at it for your mama?" "Yes, Mama." "Oh." "That's my sweet boy." "Shawn, Kayla, help me clear the table." "Are you sure you're all right?" "Your mom forgot to burp you before she left." "Why you bustin' my chops?" "I don't make fun of you when you run up town every Tuesday to have dinner with your mama." "Nate, your mother lives right here in the city?" "You never told me that." "Really?" "I" "I could have sworn I told you." "Yeah, I'm sure." "I'm sure I did." "Mm." "This pie is delicious!" "What is in this pie?" "Is it vanilla or cinnamon?" "I've got to-- I've got to find out right now." "Hey, Mrs. J, what is in this pie?" "Oh, hold the door." "Thanks." "No problem." "Movin' in?" "Yeah, 10th floor." "Hey, that's my floor." "Careful these elevator doors though." "'Cause one minute they're open and the next minute, booszhe!" "But then you try to hold them open and it just booszhe, booszhe, booszhe!" "Oh, Alien, huh?" "Scary." "When that creature rips out of the guy's stomach." "Rrrraaaaaaaaaaw!" "You don't understand, Marn," "I actually said booszhe." "Yeah, I meet a cute guy, and all of the sudden I'm sound effects girl." "Come on, Tess." "I'll bet he didn't even notice." "Oh yeah?" "Well, uh, I also did horse galloping in wet mud and the first ten minutes of Saving Private Ryan." "Well, maybe he liked it." "Maybe he thought it was quirky and fun." "What do you think, Nate?" "Do you think he thought it was quirky and fun?" "Tough break, pal." "Ugh!" "That's what I thought." "All right, guys, I'm out of here." "Catch you later." "Tch-tch-tch." "Oh, I did it again!" "Where's this coming from?" "Yeah, I should get going too." "Oh, is it Tuesday?" "Are you going up town to see your mom?" "Oh, man." "And I was so close to the door." "Why haven't you let me meet her, Nate?" "Are you ashamed of me?" "No." "God." "I'm not ashamed of you." "I'm ashamed of her." "Man, and now my neck is hurting." "Do we have to keep talking about my mom?" "I want to meet her, Nate." "Now, I can do this with you or without you." "You just met Bowie's mom." "How many moms till you're satisfied?" "Nate, what is the big deal?" "I love my mom." "She's just a lot to handle, okay?" "My whole life, she's been this in-your-face activist always pushing too hard for some cause." "The environment." "Animal rights." "Getting Cagney and Lacey back on the air." "You wanna know where she spent my high school graduation?" "Chained to the cafeteria lady's hatchback because the tuna casserole wasn't dolphin safe." "She's crazy, Marni." "Why would you want to subject yourself to that?" "Because I love you, Nate." "Oh, fine." "Fine." "Fine." "You want to meet her, I'll take you to meet her." "Whatever." "And you know what they say." "If you want to see how a guy's butt's going to hold up, you got to check out the mother." "Wow." "Check this out." "You didn't tell me you grew up on ka-ching street." "Good afternoon, Mr. Solomon." "Hi, Roberto." "Good afternoon, Mr. Solomon." "Stop it." "Hey, mom." "Oh, hey, kiddo." "Mom, this is Marni." "Hello, Mrs. Solomon." "You have a lovely home." "Mrs.?" "That's for '50s housewives and women without spines." "Lily." "Nate has told me all about you?" "Really, Lily?" "That's so" "Darling, did you read?" "The bastards are opening another nuclear power plant in West Orange?" "I know, mom." "It's horrible." "Not now, Olivia." "I'm entertaining." "Oh, yeah." "They are popping up like weeds." "But I am one step ahead of them now though." "I'm starting to detect a pattern." "See, I made this chart here." "Hey, a chart." "Nate makes charts." "No, not as good as mom's." "You should see her pie charts." "Mom makes the best pies." "Here." "See, I diagramed it out and I know who's behind it now." "Oh, for God's sake, you didn't have to bring the muscle." "I'll take it." "Anyway, the air conditioning companies." "You know, Big Air, are absol" "All right." "Oh, where was I?" "Oh, oh, right." "Big Air." "I can't talk about it too loud because if they know I know, we could all be in danger and I won't get dessert." "Ooh, ooh, I have an article that I want you to read." "Hang on." "Nate..." "This isn't your mother's house, is it?" "Surprise!" "Oh my God, is this some kind of an asylum?" "No." "I prefer the term "mental spa."" "Why didn't you tell me your mom was in the loony bin?" "I told you she was crazy." "And pill time used to be at 2:00." "I thought we had a window." "I thought your father was the crazy one." "Oh, oh, he is." "In my family, there's really no "one."" "Wow." "So what's she, you know, in for?" "It's complicated." "She's always been intense about stuff." "But eight months ago, she kind of short-circuited." "She went to the Bronx Zoo for this fund-raiser and threw paint on a gorilla for wearing fur." "Wow." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Her heart is in the right place." "Her mind...not always." "After that, the family and the State of New York decided it was time for her to take a little rest." "You are so hot for me right now, aren't you?" "Well, the article is gone." "They're keeping the newspapers from me again." "Oh, Nate, please talk to them." "It's that Courtney Love who's got them all stashed away in her room." "I know it." "All right, mom." "All right, I'll be right back." "So, Marni," "I don't really belong in this place." "The passionate in our society are often misunderstood." "Look, Lily," "I don't care why you're in here 'cause your son is incredible." "He's thoughtful and brilliant." "And I can tell from the little time I've seen you together that you've had a huge influence on him turning out the way he is." "So thank you." "Thank you for Nate." "I don't like you." "Come on, you probably just take in another context" "No, there was no other context." "She said "I don't like you." There were no words before and no words after." "Okay, so she doesn't like you." "Nate likes you." "And isn't that" "We're not talking about him." "Who cares what he thinks?" "I don't get it." "I'm a likable person." "Why doesn't she like me, Tess?" "Why?" "Huh?" "Why?" "Well, I wasn't there." "But maybe it's because she's insane." "No excuse." "Everybody likes me." "I even get Christmas cards from a guy I helped send to death row when I was on jury duty." "Although, actually, they stopped coming last year." "Oh." "Oh." "Look, babe, you can't reason with arazy cerson." "Advice I should be taking myself." "Crazy or not," "Nate's mom could throw a wrench in this whole deal if I don't win her over." "I don't want to be the desperate fool out there making an ass of myself in an elevator." "So how's it going with that guy?" "Well, it's not." "I haven't seen him since the, uh, you know, incident." "Maybe you could try to spend more time in the hallway." "Spend more time in the hallway." "I passed out there last night." "How much more time do I need to spend?" "Clown, you're home all the time." "Could you, uh, keep a lookout for the hottie new tenant?" "And if you see him, you know, just talk me up." "Okay, but you'll owe me." "What do you want?" "Tomato juice." "Okay." "Oh damn." "I should have said apple juice." "Lily, hey." "Me again." "Marni." "Nate's girlfriend." "I know who you are." "What are you doing here?" "Oh, have you got any newspapers?" "No, just cookies." "Eh, I'll take them." "Look, I'm here because the other day you told me you didn't like me." "And maybe you didn't mean it" "No, I did." "Well, you should like me." "How much medication do you they have you on?" "Because I am a delight." "And I really love your son." "And I just--I just want you and I to get along." "Oh." "Do you, sweetheart?" "Do you really want me to like you?" "Yes, Lily, I do." "Then bust me out of here." "What?" "We can go to lunch." "Get to know each other." "You're going to have to buy because I only have change for the pay phone." "Oh, no, I can't bust you out of here." "What is this word can't?" "Why can't you?" "Oh ho." "You know what you are?" "You are what I call an armchair crusader." "You say you care, but you won't take action." "I do care." "Oh, talk is cheap, Marni." "If you want me to like you, then do something." "But that big guy with the glove and the finger." "What do you want?" "Peace between us." "When do you want it?" "Now!" "Then do it." "Do it!" "It only takes one woman to start a revolution!" "Okay, I'll do it!" "We'll need a diversion." "You start tying the bed sheets together," "I'll pull the fire alarm, and in the ensuing commotion, we'll slip out the window and repel down the side of the building." "Or you could just sign me out." "Whoa." "You pimped your grandma's ride?" "Pretty dope, huh?" "She going to be the hottest thing at the 99-cent store." "Nate." "Hey, what are you doing here?" "Oh, nothing." "Just stopping by." "Have you seen your mom?" "No." "Why do you ask?" "Okay, before I say anything, promise you won't get mad." "Oh, who am I kidding?" "You're going to get mad." "I lost your mom." "You what?" "Well, see, I signed her out 'cause she wanted to have lunch." "You signed her out?" "'Cause she wanted to have lunch." "It was such a nice lunch." "Really." "We got along famously." "And I think she really enjoyed using utensils again." "See, that--that-- that's great, Marni." "I'd like to know what the specials were too." "But first I'd like to know where my mother is." "Yeah, wouldn't we all, Nate?" "She gave me the slip." "She what?" "We came out from lunch and she just turned and started running." "Let me tell you, Nate, she's one fast runner." "I can see where you get that from." "I-I-I don't understand." "Why would you do something like this?" "I just wanted her to like me." "I know you think she did, but she didn't." "But before she disappeared into the Guggenheim," "I think she did." "You lost my mother in the Guggenheim museum?" "How is that possible?" "There are no corners." "There are only curves!" "It's rush hour." "It'll take you forever to get up town." "Hop on." "Why do my parents have to be insane?" "You know, why can't I come from a normal family?" "Why am I talking to myself?" "You see, this is why I'm never having kids." "The crazy stops here." "Bowie, to the Guggenheim!" "I don't know what I was thinkin'." "Well, that wasn't very smart." "Man, you know, it's cool." "Stop talking." "Stop talking." "Stop." "You the hottie?" "Um, I don't know, man." "The woman in that apartment, she's easy." "There she is." "Oh, man." "Oh, man." "Hey, mom." "Hey, kiddo." "What's goin' on?" "I'm protesting the millions in funding given to non art." "When there are human beings outside sleeping in the gutter." "Bowie, nice to see you." "Hey, Mrs. Solomon." "Mom, you ready to come down now?" "Oh, yeah." "My bones can't take hanging in the Guggenheim like they used to." "Get me down, boys." "Wait, wait, wait." "Before I do, Mom, no more messing with the girlfriend, okay?" "You know, sweetheart, it's not an easy thing for me to accept another woman in your life." "Why couldn't you have been gay?" "I would've been such an understanding mother to a gay son." "Sorry, mom." "I'm Nate." "I'm straight." "Get used to it." "I know." "I just hate to see you waste those beautiful eyelashes." "Mom." "They are beautiful." "Hey." "Well, everything's back to normal." "Mom's safe in the asylum." "Is she okay?" "Oh, yeah." "It was make-your-own-sundae night tonight, so she was happy to be back." "Nate, Nate," "I am so sorry." "It won't happen again." "No, it won't." "They took away your visitation privileges." "That seems fair." "Well, I guess the lesson we learned here today" "Do you really not want to have kids?" "Uh, what?" "What you said before about how you didn't want to have kids." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I have no right to ask you that." "So did you mean it?" "Wow." "Marni." "I don't know." "Yeah, I did, I guess." "This is weird to talk about." "Oh, okay." "Yeah." "Never mind, we don't have to." "I-I guess I-I always thought it wouldn't be fair to have a kid." "You know, my dad, the way he is." "And my mom, recently on display at the Guggenheim." "Those just aren't very good odds, you know." "And if I had one that turned out nuts, I'd feel responsible." "I can see that." "But hypothetically, if you were with someone who had stuff too, then if one was off, it wouldn't necessarily be from you, you know." "Hypothetically." "Well, I-I guess hypothetically, that could be true." "You know, not every family has to be like us." "We could have Bowie's family." "Hypothetically." "If we had one," "I guess we could have a long black family." "Something to shoot for." "Hey." "Ah, I just wanted to, uh, thank the Clown." "Cute guy and I are going out for a drink." "Hey, Clown, you earned your juice." "What'd you say?" "I told him you were easy." "Right on."