"I believe in heaven." "I also believe in hell." "I've never seen either,but I believe they exist." "they have to exist... because without a heaven... without a hell... we're all just headed for limbo." "you coming?" "If it's bad,the nurses will come and get us." "DR. Grey,he's seizing." "Well,how about now?" "Now can we go?" "Sadie... go find something else to do,now." "That's an order." "GREY ANANTOMY Season 5 Episode 13" "why are you still here?" "I'm here for you,izzie stevens." "No.No,you're not,because I broke up with you." "So you are not here for me." "I'm sorry,but...you have to go." "I can't go." " I'm here for you." " Me,yeah,right." " I am.I'm here-- stop saying that!" "DR. Bailey." "I just called U.N.O.S. Jackson's officially at the top of the list for a liver and small bowel." "They can't come soon enough.His ammonia level's starting to rise." "I thought the shunt was supposed to buy us 24 hours." "Isn't that what you said,that it should give us 24 hours?" "Melinda,we're doing everything that we can." "I know." "I-I know you are." "uh,excuse me." "Oh,my god." "He had a seizure.I gave him lorazepam." "You page shepherd?" "I paged you." " Page shepherd." " The patient doesn't want that." " Oh,really?" "He tell you that?" " yes." "Don't page him." "He's terribly unpleasant." "MR. Dunn is a match for your kid who needs the transplant." "He's a match." "You probably have a brain bleed,which is why we need to get shepherd in here." "DR. Bailey,he's gonna die anyway." "The boy who needs organs I presume wants to live." "And me?" "I have organs." "And I'm ready to die." " DR. Sloan." " DR. Grey." "After you,DR. Grey." "Thank you,DR. Sloan." "I know it feels wrong." "It feels wrong on so many levels,I can't even count them." "But there is no case in any medical book that tells you how to deal with this situation." "Well,I don't need a book.I know what to do-- what's best for my patient." "I suggest you do the same." " I am." " Oh,oh,really?" "You page shepherd yet?" "Are you gonna page him?" "I'm going to do my best to keep that beautiful boy alive long enough to find him some organs." "I suggest you do everything you can to keep your patient alive,because we're doctors,grey." "We're not executioners." " don't even tell me." " Locked." "People sleeping or-- why do I bother asking?" "This is ridiculous.I need sleep." "oh,my god!" "That's not a good noise." " That's a bad noise." " That's a really bad noise." "Oh,my god.Are you okay?" " No." " It's bent in the middle." "I-I-I think I broke it." "Get torres!" "go!" "you two are on jackson all day today." "He doesn't have a liver or intestines,which means toxins are gonna build up and his braiis gonna swell." "We can't stop it,but we can try like hell to slow it down." " I on it,DR. Bailey." " You don't have time for this,izzie." "You don't have time to think about anyone else." "Stevens,I need a nod,a yawn or maybe even a little burp-- something that lets me know that you're awake and cable of keeping this boy alive." "Yes,I'morry.I am all yours." "way to listen.Thanks for that." "DR. Bailey." " Yeah." " How much time do we have left?" "16 hours at the most." "There's a liver dialysis machine downstairs.G.I.'S using it for a clinical trial." "It may give jackson a few more hours." "Maybe." "All right,then,uh,stevens,put in the I.C.P. Monitor and start tracking his intracranial pressures." "Karev,go and get the machine." "What if it's already hooked up to somebody?" "If that somebody has more than 16 hours to live,then we'll unhook 'em." "I want off this case." " DR. Bailey?" " Oh,god.I want off this case." "I want off of-- what?" "This little boy is gonna die,and I just don't want to be there to see it." "I just don't want to" " I can't see it." "I just want off.I want off.I want off this case." "I want off." "When was the last time you slept?" "No,no,no.I'm okay." "I think that you need to get one or two hours of rest." "I'm--I'm good.I'm--I'm fine." "Just go." "I'm fine.I'm good.I'm good." " You're very happy." " I am happy." "I'm happy to see you." " You're not happy." " Oh,I've just been here all night." "How is our resident psychopath?" "Is he gone yet?" "Uh,yeah,yeah,soon." "By the way,mom likes you." "she thinks you're good for me." "d-- oh!" "DR. Torres,thank god you're her yeah,I'm headed down to the pit." " I got a 9-1-1 page." " Page ortho if you need anything." "Uh,no,no,it was me." "I-I paged you 9-1-1 for DR. Sloan." "He's the emergency him-himself." "It's--it's on his person." " Wait,mark's hurt?" " Yes." " No." " Yes." "He's badly injured in--in a bad way that is bad for anyone who's a man,but for DR. Sloan in particular." "Um,he may--he may have broken a-a bone." " A bone?" " He broke a bone." "I-I..." "I broke his bone." "You're kidding,right?" "cristina,I wanted to apologize for last night." "It was not my intention to arrive in that state." "You don't have to say anything." "As a rule,if I'm showering with a woman,I do it without my clothes, and if I get in her bed naked,I don't pass out,and if I-- it's okay." " It's not." " It's not... but,uh,you know,you don't have to talk about it." "It's getting a little harder to breathe." "you can stop doing this,william." "you can stop at anytime." "I know." "I know." "do you want me to page DR. Shepherd?" "He's your boyfriend,isn't he?" "Yes." "I had a feeling." "Yes." "I had a feeling." "The n has very good taste." "Right now,all I can think about are lemons." "lemons?" "When my grandfather was dying,he said he smelled lemons." "It was all he could talk about for three days,the smell of lemons." "I keep waiting to smell them,and I don'T." "Of course... he was a big liar,so... are you sure you don't want me to page DR. Shepherd?" " I'm sure." "Okay." "I need you to talk to the nurses." "Find out if any of their patients on life support are o-positive or brain dead." "And then crossmatch those folks against jackson prescott." " The kid's running out of time." " Okay." "And,o'malley,o'malley,sensitive to their families." "We need organs for this boy,but we can only ask." "We can't pressure.We can't coerce." " Understood?" " Of course,sir." " um,cristina." " It's a ring." "It's from my mother." "Oh,it's--it's from me." "It was my mother's,and I'm gonna give it to meredith soon." "So what I'm looking for is an opinion on whether she's gonna like the ring, or I should have the-- the setting redone to something more modern." "Well,it's-- that's really not my job." "Right.Look,I know you two are... still fighting." "But isn't it about time you wrap that up?" "Look,I ask because when I propose to her,she's gonna need somebody to freak out to." "She misses you... a lot." "You must miss her,too,right?" "Look,I don't know what's going on in your life, but you must have inmethg you need to freak out to her about,too." "I'm sorry.I think you should ask someone else." "ms.Prescott,have you had anything to eat today?" "You should really keep your strength up.Get a cup of coffee or some food." "I'll stay here with jackson." "You are like the guy who graduated from high school and still hangs out on the football field." "Do you believe in heaven?" "What?" "Heaven." "I don't know.I guess." "Because I thought that maybe this was heaven,getting to be here with you." "But now.. now I'm not so sure." "I think this..." "I think this may be hell or-- what are you talking about?" " I'm here for you." " Here for me,I know." "I got it.I hear you,a thousand times." "I chose alex." "I'm sorry." "I am." "I am really sorry about that." "And I'm still here,all right?" "You broke up with me,and m still here." "Doesn't that tell you anything?" "It tells me that you're jealous,that y don't want me to be happy." "You don't want me to choose alex." "Damn it,listen to me." "You can't pick alex." " I'm here for you." " Denny..." "I want you to be happy,izzie." "I do." "And I would leave if I could." "You think I want to stay here while you tell me you want another man?" "I can't go because you won't listen to me." "I am here for you." "What does that even mean?" "What does it mean?" "You're a doctor,izzie." "Figure it out." "thank you." "What?" " did..." " what?" "Nothing." "How's,uh,your serial killer?" "Did you monitor him last night?" "Yeah." "I got it covered." "Cristina,I said I've got it covered." "tell me you paged shepherd." "He wants to die." " Meredith,what are you-- cristina,he's gonna die anyway in a few days, and if he diesere,we can donate his organs to the 10 year old who's gonna die down the hall." "And derek won't allow it.So no,I didn't page him." "And I hope you won't either." "I know you think this is wrong." "Just let me do this." "Please... please... please help." "Help me." "I..." "I don't want to die." "I..." "I don't want to die." "page shepherd right now!" "code blue,fourth floor." "should I thread the catheter?" "I want to see the grand canyon." " Make sure you can visualize it on the ul" " I want to hike it,actually." "I want to look out over dead man's drop." "what happens if you can't advance it?" " use the bend guidewire technique." " Not because I'm dead.Just 'cause,you know,the view." "Shut up." "What was that?" "Nothing.Should I be able to see the needle tip?" "Yeah,that shadow within the lumen is the catheter." "Have we heard anything?" "From U.N.O.S.,Have we heard anything?" "I'll call them back." "I'd also like toee the great wall of china." "You know,I did a lot of traveling in my life,but I never made it to asia," " and I regret that." " Okay,.Stevens,aspirate and" " make sure the ports are patent." " My point,you unbelievably stubborn woman..." " it's not flowing.What can you do to flush the line?" " Is that there are other things I would like to do and see... no,that's lidocaine.Are you paying attention?" " I'm sorry.I grabbed the wrong syringe." " Things that I would like to do,but I can'T." "I can't go to heaven or hell or to asia." " I can't do anything but this..." " okay,that's still not how you do it." " Until you wake up and figure it out." " Would you just tell me already?" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Why don't you take a little break,DR. Stevens?" " You hear sloan broke his goods?" " what?" "In that on-call room.Swear to goD.I heard him screaming." " With torres?" " Maybe." "But whoever it was,whoever rode him and broke him,that's a girl I want on me." "Was it torres?" "How should I know?" "I mean,it's not my business." "It's nobody's business,and it's defitely not yours." "I mean,not--not--not that I know." "But if I did know who broke mark slo's penis,I wouldn't even tell you because we're not even friends." "I mean,I took out your appendix and almost ended my career." "That doesn't make us close." " I want him prepped and into the O.R. In 20 minutes." " Yes,sir." "you should've paged me a long time ago." "Better yet,when I asked you how he was,you should've told me the truth." "I was following the patient's wishes." "The patient's wishes?" "He doesn't get wishes." "He killed five women." "As much as you believe you're right,I think I'm just as right." "If said something to you,there would've been a debate." "He's been manipulating you since he got here." " He preys on young women." " I made a decision as his doctor." "It was a bad decision." "It was the wrong decision." "You're gonna scrub in on the surgery,and you're gonna watch while I try like hell to undo what you did." "his I.C.P. Is not going under 25." "Is the catheter occluded?" "It's fine." "All right,try adjusting the height of the drip chamber,and let's raise his bed up another 10 degrees." " What'll that do?" " Not much." "Jackson.Jackson,you listen to mommy." "It is not time." "You do not get to go yet." "You have to stay here with me." "You hear me?" "You stay with mommy." "It is not time,baby." "I love you,and I need you to fight." "I need you to fight,jackson." "Yeah,that's a penile fracture." "Oh,I'm gonna kill myself." "We should operate,and then you can kill yourself." "Oh,god." "Can you do it?" "Him?" "oh,no.He's a meatballer." "He is meticulous,and he will keep his mouth shut." "I've done operations like this before.It's not that complicated." "Guys run into this problem on the battlefield,do they?" "I don't think you and i should talk about how guys run into this." "Uh,line up an O.R. We need to get in fast,or you risk permanent damage." "Oh,god.No permanent damage,please." "Little grey,go away." "I don't want you to see me like this." "But I made you like this." "I'm saying please here." "Please." "talk to me,o'malley." "My god." "The guy's not a donor,and they're about to unplug him." " DR. Sheprd." " DR. Bailey." "I need... y-you to stop." "I need you to put down the scalpel." "This man is trying to kill himself,and god forgive me,I need you to let him." "You need to leave my O.R.,DR. Bailey." "Five days... in five days,this man is going to die, and his organs are going to go with him." "They'll be buried with his body,and they'll rot in the ground,and that I-is a crime." "It's a crime against life." "It's only five days." "That's it." "That's all we're taking from him,and he doesn't want them anyway." "We took an oath,miranda." "I kn... that.I know we took an oath,but... right now,that oath... makes no sense.It makes no sense.It doesn'T." "So just stop." "Just stop." "Don't do anything else for this man." "If I stop this surgery... it's the same as me sticking this scalpel into his brain." "Is that what you want?" "YeS.That's what I want." "I'm sorry.What do you want?" "I know this is excruciating." "But what I want... what I need... are your husband's organs-- his liver and his bowels." " He's a match for-- go away." " I'm sorry." " Please go away." "I can't take anymore." "He was healthy." "He was healthy two days ago." "He's my love." "And he put his head through a windshield,a-and I have to unplug him." "He is the person who is supposed to hold my hand when things go bad." "He is supposed to be her to help." "But he gets to go to heaven.." "and I can't take anymore." "I can barely do this." "So please... go away." "I don't want anyone cutting into him." "Where the hell have you been?" "I,uh.." "I had some stuff." "Dead-man-talking stuff?" "Uh,yeah.I..." "I don't know." "This kid is dying in front of his mom." "It's so bad,DR. Bailey" " DR. Bailey-- can't stay in here and watch." "It's bad,but we're busting our asses to save him,and you're talking to a dead guy." "Look,you want to do that crap at home?" "Fine.But not here." "Here,you're a doctor." "I.C.P. Is still way too high." "I just gave him hypertonic saline." "When was his last lorazepam?" "I gave him a bolus 20 minutes ago." "Put him on a drip with vec and put him on a bis monitor." "Uh,check with U.N.O.S. Again." "whatever bailey's doing,I hope to hell she's having better luck than we are." "He's hemorrhaging through his craniectomy.Should I at least put in a subdural drain?" "That's up to DR. Bailey." "DR. Bailey?" "DR. Bailey,should I put in a drain?" "No." "There's a lot of bleeding.We should really do something soon." " I am aware of that,DR. Yang." " Sir,really soon." "it's your call,DR. Bailey." "It's up to you." "Am in executioner or am I a surgeon?" "It's up to you." "It's your call." "pick up the scalpel." "he can't take his liver with him to heaven." "He can't take his bowels or his kidneys." "His brain is gone,but those organs are probably good because he's a young man." "And I know this is not what you want to think about, and it's more than anyone should ever have to think about." "But he can't take his organs with him." "I heard it was this physical therapist from the rehab floor who does this fancy yoga thing where she, like,turns herself into a pretzel while she's on top of a guy." "She quit two weeks ago." "I thought it was torres." "Well,whoever it was is going down in seattle grace history." "Sloan is a legend." "Can you imagine the kind of muscle it takes to break a m like that?" "I mean... shut u just shut up about it." "You know something." "Yeah,I-I know that it's nobody's business." "She totally knows something." "Did you see somebody come out of the room?" " maybe it was her." " What?" "It was me,okay?" "It was me." "I do this twist-and-shout thing that blows most guys' minds, and I guess I twisted a little too far and almost took the whole thing off,okay?" "I can feel you." "I can smell you." "If you're dead,how come I can smell your skin?" "So I'm thinking,maybe you're not dead." "Maybe that was the part of me that was crazy,that part that thought you died." "Maybe this is the not crazy part." "You are still alive,right?" "That's it." "I'm sorry,no." "Are you a ghost... or a dream or... you're a doctor,izzie,a scientist." " Think like a scientist." " I am!" "I am." "Scientists believe what they can see,what they can feel... facts--hard facts." "I slapped you.That is a fact." "I felt... your face my hand." "Fact." "I can feel your breath against my skin." "Fact." "Izzie." "Izzie,izzie." "what's happening?" "You tell me." "I'm scared." "I.C.P. Is still going up." " Are you hyperventilating him enough?" " His pc02 is 30." "All right,I's raise him all the way up." "Jackson,you have to hold on.Okay,baby?" " Hold on." "Just hold on." " Melinda,step back now.You're in the way." " hang another bag of F.F.P. You need to step back." " Hold on for mommy,okay?" "Please,jackson.Please." "Ms. Prescott." "No.No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no." " You have to let them work on him." " No,I can't leave my son." "I can'T." "I can't leave him." " We'll be right outside." " please." "Let me stay.Please. Please." "You see any bleeders?" "The field looks clear." "Nice work,DR. Yang." "Why don't you go ahead and close up?" "Thank you,sir." "What a waste." "He's alive,DR. Grey.We saved a life." "That's never a waste." "He's just a little boy." "He's never had a sleepover." "He's never learned to ride a bike." "Melinda... melinda,listen to me." "Miracles happen." "Medical miracles happen every day." "People live.Even when they shouldn't,they live." "I need to be with him.He's never been anywhere without me." "he can't go alone." "I need to be with him." "No.You are here with him." "You're here for him even though you aren't in the room." "You are.You are here for him." "You're..." "I'm here for you,izzie stevens." " I'm here for you." " you're not real." " I told you,I'm here for you." " You're not real." "You are not real." "Izzie,I told you,I'm here for you." "DR. Bailey says you need to come now." "it's time to hold him." "He's going,melinda.Hold him and help him go." "It's okay,baby." "You can go." "It's okay." "You can go." "It's okay." "Mommy won't be mad." "You can go,jackson." "It's okay." "It's okay,jackson." "You can go." "We have organs." "We have organs!" "Get him to O.R. Three now." "starting C.P.R.push .35 of epi." "Get me a bicarb." "***" "*********" "he's coding." "Start C.P.R. Get the crash cart over here" " heaven or hell?" " Yes." "You're here for me." " Yes." " No." "You're not here for me." "You're here for me." "You're here for me." "I loved you so much." "I loved you so much that when I got to come back for you,I thought... you were my heaven." "But maybe... maybe I'm your hell." "I'm sick." "I'm sick,aren't I?" "And instead of telling me... instead of telling me to save my life-- you son of a bitch!" "You selfish son of a bitch." "I hate you!" " I hate you!" " I didn't know that there was a chance." "Miracles happen." "Medical miracles happen every day." "You said it!" "You said that!" "Leave!" "Leave." "I can go now... because you know." "But it's your choice." "You get to choose." "But,iz,if I go..." "I don't know..." "I don't know if I can come back." "If I go-- in the choice een betwheaven and hell,I choose heaven." "I choose life.Go." "Get out of here!" "Goout get of here!" "Go." " I really hope this is heaven." " Go." "What are you waiting for?" "This." "I'm alive." "Yes,you are." "I was playing you." "Your boyfriend was right." "I wanted to destroy your career." "I was playing you the whole time,DR. Grey." "And I wanted to be here to see the fallout." "You were scared,william." "Death is scary." "I would've been scared,too." "it'd be good to have a friendly face in the crowd... when they kill me." "I planned a whole evening..." "last night." "A real date." "It was a clear night-- one of the,uh,five seattle gets all year." "I was gonna take you to the west point lighthouse,and we were gonna watch the northern lights together." "I'd like another chance." "I want you to give me another chance." "You got some problems." "You've got some big problems." "Yeah." "Yeah,yeah,I do." "Will you go out with me anyway?" "Yes." "Please go away." "No." "Little grey.." "it's not little grey.It's lexie." "And..." "I'm sorry that I-I broke y" " I'm sorry that I hurt you." "And I'm sorry that you're humiliated." "But I'm" " I'm not going anywhere." "I-I've got a friend who is guarding the door-- a good friend-- and since no one is going to be coming in," "I'm--I'm--I am now going to climb into bed with you and I'm gonna stroke your hair, because that's what I like to have done for me when I'm hurt." "How is he?" "We were so late getting those organs in." "Between the cerebral edema and the reperfusion coding, we--we don't know what kind of damage was done to his brain." "We don't even know if he's gonna wake up." "I crossed a line today." "I crossed a line." "So did I." "heaven... hell." "Limbo... no one really knows where we're going... lemons." "my grandfather wasn't lying after all." "Or what's waiting for us when we get there." "but the one thing we can say for sure,with absolute certainty... jackson?" "Can I have some water?" "is that there are moments that take us to another place..." "I know you don't understand me." "I don't understand me." "I wanted to show him compassion." "That's why I went." "That's the reaN." "And it was horrible." "It was horrible." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "She's in the car." "She's in the car,and she won't stop crying." "Did you propose?" "No.She went to william's execution." "Moments of heaven on earth... and maybe for now,that's all we need to know."