"Juan." "Juan." "Juan, two, three." "Juan." "Yes?" "Everything OK?" "You can hear me?" "And the picture?" "No picture?" "Come on, people, this is important." "Don't screw this up." "Yeah, people, what can I say?" "Things couldn't be better." "I got sunshine coming out my ass, so to say." "Ah, Mr. Stromberg!" "Hello." " Hello." "Imagine you're Rembrandt, stuck in the orchestra and thinking:" "I can't play to save my life!" "And then someone says:" ""Why don't you try painting?"" "Bang!" "Then it's a whole different ball game." "Yes, so this is kind of my studio." "God, if I'd known that at the time" "If, if, if." "If Grandma were a bus, she'd have blown her horn." "I just didn't know any better." "3 months earlier" "The politicians meet our country's aim, here we settle claims." "We love working here, and customers hold us dear." "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to CAPITOL." "1,2,3..." "The of?" "ce is our temple." " It's in a word doc on the wall." "Our rubber stamps are transcendental." " They belong to CAPITOL." "We're not superman!" " We're not wonderwoman!" "We do our job, no fuss." " You can always count on us." "But we're more than just a cubicle." "We're always there for you." "Whether there's a snag, a hitch or glitch." " We've got the right form in a pinch." "Because we are the CAPITOL." "50 years security and coverage for all." "Coverage." " Coverage." "Because we are the CAPITOL" " The CAPITOL's turning 50." "And we're throwing a huge party." "Everyone's coming, from every branch." "And the board of directors." "Together, now!" "On the beat!" "We can submit our ideas for the cholera event." "No, wait." "Here it is: "your ideas for a colorful evening of entertainment"." "See, like this." "I'm doing a musical number." "But hush." "You can really throw yourself into it." "Come up to my office." " You go over to my office." "I said we're not getting involved in this nonsense." "We're not going to the party!" "OK, but I'm still going!" "That's just childish." "And dangerous." "If I catch fire in here, you're liable for property damage." "Then you'll be sorry." "Oh, right." " Yeah, right." "What the hell's going on?" " Look, the carpet's ruined, all burned!" "I am the boss of this department!" "You're just God's spokesman on Earth." "I'm the entire shithouse here, you're just the little sign on the door!" "But you can't just decide that none of us are going to the party." "Er, erm, yes I can." "Er, erm, no you can't." "Yes I can." " No" "Yes I can." " For now!" "Hm?" "I've applied for a job at Head Office." "What's that barf?" "Yeah, go on then, laugh." "You'll see who has the last laugh." "Heister..." "Ow!" "Heisterkamp." " Oh come on, you're so dense" "Yes, I called earlier." "I wanted to know if you'd got my text." "The text asking if you'd got the e-mail." "I've been boning up on a lot of things careerwise." "Career coaching." "You learn some great tips." "Like my watch, I always have it set 20 minutes fast." "So I'm practically living in the future." "I'm basically tricking my own brain." "Because it's thinking "Oh it's late, better get a move on." Me, I mean." "You know?" "See?" "I've spent long enough being small fry." "Now it's time for slightly bigger fry, a fry that's about this big." "And I want fries with that, and no one's gonna take that from me." "Oh, I've got to go." "Actually, I don't." "It's actually only half past." "Right." "Got a bit more time." "So, ready and shoot." "Ah, hello." "My name is Bernd Stromberg." "Here" " Good morning, Mr. Stromberg!" "Good morning." "In my claims department, I make sure that... having fun in the workplace doesn't get neglected." "The people factor has always been very important for me personally." "My aim in my department is to ensure that work and people go hand in hand with" "Hey What did I say?" "You are 'work' and he's 'people'." "But it doesn't matter." " Yes, it does!" "If he's 'work', everyone'll say it's "xenophobic", blah blah..." "Hey, wait..." " Don't start bitching, Gandhi." "And don't half-heartedly prance through the take." "Have fun." "Everyone here in the joint is having fun." "I mean, that's what it's all about!" "That goes for you too." " I've got confetti in my eye." "Oh God, it's worlds colliding here, isn't it." "Fun and Mr. Lehnhoff." "I don't get why we're not going to the party." "Because you're as bright as a tunnel." "Right, let's do this crap again." "Hey!" "That means you too." "Or should we pay you like back in Bombay?" "Right!" "Company parties are like the Last Supper." "Never enough broads, crappy food, and they always end in trouble." "Yeah, ha ha." "See, he's laughing." ""Colorful evening", come on, I mean!" "When you've been with a firm..." "Stand still over there!" "for as long as I have..." "You're 'people'." "This time." "...you've got more skeletons in the closet than a crematorium." "And the higher up the ladder you go, the more bodies you've trampled on along the way." "You're having fun!" "And at this kind of party, they're all there again, lined up in front of you, all the zombies you wasted during your career." "So no, my department is sending this little film and out music, curtain." "But why not?" "I just don't get it." "Don't know." "It'd be great to finally get everyone together" "Wow, another chick for me." "Look, it never stops." "On the Internet, I have to swat the girls away like wasps on a plum cake." "They're attacking me from all directions." "Okay, I've got to be going." " Yes, sure." "Although from all directions isn't strictly true." "Most of them are from Eastern Europe." "Here, Svetlana is her name, the little sweetheart." "Whoah, there's more." "She hasn't exactly got the waistline of a wasp." "OK, Bernd, women absolutely love you, we get the message." "Yeah, if you lost a bit of the bulk, I'd drop the old Svetlanas immediately." "Boom." "Oh!" "Shit." " Oh come on, it's not that bad." "That's really great." "Yes, he's still trying his darndest." "But I've had it with men for a while." "I mean, men are just kind of like Facebook, aren't they?" "Everyone says you should do it be on it, everyone's doing it." "But what do you really get out of it?" "In the end, you're just sitting there alone." "His Mom breastfed him through a thick sweater." "Head Office have already asked for his file." "It doesn't look so bad for him." "That's why he wants to go to the party." "He can impress the bosses in person." "What?" "He's going and we're not?" " Nobody is going to the party!" "We can discuss that one to one." "That's shit if he goes and we don't." " What did I just say?" "Nobody is going to the party." " Listen, I am coming to the party!" "God, that weekend my ex is getting married." "I'll dump a full load into his suitcase, I'll tell you" "Don't bother, you've got the short end of the stick with Andreas." " Who?" "What?" "Hm?" " Hm?" "Oh sorry, I was just thinking about myself for a minute." "I'm going to go on a binge that weekend." " Oh yeah, good idea!" "I'd like to do that again." "Yeah, fun's over when you're a Dad, right?" " No, it's just a different kind of fun." "Ditch the kids and get as much X-rated action as possible." "Aren't you a bit too old to be going through puberty?" "Better than acting like 50 in your mid 30s." "Yeah, but having a kid is a lot of fun, you know, more than I thought it would be." "When they're playing pirates" "We've had Marvin for four months now." " Aww, how sweet." "Officially it's only a trial period to see if it works out." "But it does work out in most cases, and we're practically a real family now." "We may still have to hand him back though." "Here." "Marvin is a really special child." "He comes from, you know, a socially disadvantaged family." "Losers." "Hello!" "The father's in jail." " Pending trial." "For being just 10, Marvin's been through a lot of crap, and as foster parents all we can do is try and show him... that there are some nice things in life as well." "Yeah, although it isn't really working because Marvin is, well, a bit strange." "Mom?" "What's up?" "Yeah, when we were playing pirates, he sliced my face with his plastic sword." "Marvin, he's a real" "Yeah, but she didn't want to wait a single second more to get a child, so now she's got a little Marvin." "Listen, erm" "Compared to this dump the Acropolis is a new building." "Why don't you just completely remodel it?" "It's not worth it." " Why not?" "It's going to be made into a 'launch'." " A what?" "A launch" " Okay." "So what's that supposed to be, a 'launch'?" " Like it is now, but with sofas." "Oh, you mean a lounge." " Yeah, a launch." "But why do we need a 'launch' here?" "It's for the new tenant." "Wait, that's just gobbledy Greek to me A new tenant?" "The one that's moving in here." " Moving in?" "And what about CAPITOL?" "Closing down." " OK, you're full of it." "I'm not." " You are." "I'd know about that if it were true." "Hm?" "Oh?" "Lounge for the first of next month." "Premises to be cleared by the 31st." "Yadda, yadda!" "See ya." "Yeah, so CAPITOL is closing down." "And you find out from the facility manager." "But that's how it is." "A company is like your wife." "She fucks you right when you least expect it." "Although, who really knows if he's right, the facility manager." "Maybe he doesn't really know." "No?" "Hey, Mr. Pötsch." " Morning, Mr. Stromberg." "I'm running a bit late." " Yes." "Not been home, huh?" "You old leg spreader." "Yeah, yeah, well" "I say, have you heard anything lately?" " Heard something?" "Yes, on the grapevine." "You, know she's banging so-and-so, Hofmann's ill, they're closing us down, stuff like that?" "Where did you heard that?" " Have you heard about it?" "I haven't heard a thing." " No, me neither." "Been delivering packages?" "Yeah, I do the early shift, instead of jogging at dawn, and you get paid." "Yeah?" " Morning." "Oh!" "Shit!" " Come here." "Shit!" "I mean, look at this." "I'm almost 50, and I'm out on the street changing out of one fucking pants... from one fucking company, putting on the fucking pants for another fucking company, all because I'm scared shitless that one of the companies is folding," "and I'll be out on the street." " Where did you hear that?" "I've heard a few things." " Yeah, that's what I heard." "From the facility manager?" "Has he heard something?" "Anyway, if I were you I'd make sure... that I got moved up to Head Office as fast as possible." "Because, I mean, I'd do so myself, but Klinkhammer, he's got it in for me." "Klink?" " Hammer." "The new Head of HR, don't you know him?" " Nope." "Well, you're lucky then." "I'd use that to your advantage, if I were you." "After everything I've heard, this place won't be around much longer." "Yeah, that's what I heard." "Well, anyway." " Yes, bye." "Shoes, where are the fucking shoes?" "Can't find them." "Just go without shoes." "Yes, for me work is more like home than my actual home." "I mean, you spend most of your life at work, not at home." "And not with your wife, not with friends." "No." "Here." "25 years of service to CAPITOL." "See, they all signed it." "Well, both of them." "Look, and right at the top, they wrote:" ""Strohmberg"." "I got rid of the "h" myself, but" "Yeah, so, you know, if it all just suddenly disappears, by jove..." "I mean, whatever else goes on, the office is... the structural foundation for a man's life." "Er..." "Er, so kids, just quickly, please!" "Erm, now there's no way round this." "I have to make, er, an announcement." "We are all going to the CAPITOL party after all." "Yes!" "And you're all coming!" "That's something, isn't it?" "Yeah, but I thought" "Well, your coconut isn't designed for thinking." "But you said nobody was going." " Yes, that was Ernie." "No, that was you." "Well, is that your way of showing you're pleased?" " Nope." "So, what then?" "Come on crazy party people, make some noise!" "Whoop whoop." "When all seems lost, that's when it really begins." "Yeah, why not?" "Come on, all together." "That's always been my motto." " Whoop whoop." "Whoop whoop." "Whoop whoop." " Yes." "That'll do." "In the office you have to decide what type of person you are." "Are you more... the nail getting hit on the head or are you the hammer doing the hitting." "And I'm definitely a hammer." "lam!" "Great, isn't it?" " Yeah, sure." "You excited?" "Just register with Head Office, and I'll take care of the bus." "But we can't just leave Marvin on his own the whole weekend." "Bring little Erwin along then." " Marvin!" "I'll sort it outwith Head Office." " Can our daughters come too?" "Nah!" " Come on, party people, make some noise!" "Whoop whoop!" "What's going on here?" "We're all going to the party after all!" " What?" "Na na na na." "Heisterkamp." " Er, Stromberg." "Yes." "Yes, I got it." " OK..." "Whoop whoop." "Whoop whoop." "So, where's this fucking bus?" "Does the driver know we're waiting here?" " Am I Ulf, Jesus?" "Well, what did you arrange?" "Ulf, I was organizing this kind of thing back when you were still in diapers." "There's no number that you can call and ask where the bus is?" " Nah." "What's the bus company called?" " Asshole Tours!" "We'll be right back, Marvin's gotta go." " Not now!" "The bus is arriving any minute." " Go back there somewhere." "Standing up, like real men." " Hey people, we can get going." "As they say, saved the best for last." "Whoah, I really thought you'd already gone." "Shit, I've forgotten something." "Save me a good seat!" "This is really my idea of getting away." " Just hold on a bit longer." "My ex's wedding would be more fun than this." "Just forget your ex for a minute." "Look here, holidays in a bottle." "Love, er, Schirmchen, love, I mean, I know from experience, isn't a boxing match, where one dishes it out and the other hits straight back." " What's up?" "Well, I'm just saying, we can use the journey to, you know, get a little" "You're not seriously trying, here in a parking lot" " No, of course not." "I wouldn't dream of it." " All right then." "Just a minute, everyone." "Hey, everybody!" "The last few months I've been in a completely new position." "A completely new position" " Well done, Ernie!" "What he lacks in brains, he makes up for in stupidity." "I just wanted to thank you all for helping me out the whole time." "Well, most of the time." "And so I've brought a little something for all of you." "I've got aniseed cookies fresh from Hessbacher's, and some nice sausages." "And there's some other things here." " Marvin!" "What are you doing over there?" "Ulf, I told you to go with him." " Hey, Marvin come on." "I've always thought that everyone else is against me, and they are, but I've got to see that positively." "That's what they said at career coaching." "Positive thinking's the most important." "No matter how bad, always stay positive." "It comes from America, that's how they do it." "If they get shot, they think: "Crap, but things'll be better in the morning."" "And that's the way I think now." "Hello, my name is Heisterkamp." "Er, I've picked out a route for us, to Botzenburg." "It may not be the quickest route, but it's the most scenic." "It's got a lot of nice things to see that we can catch on the way." "I just did a pensioners' trip, right." "Prague, Moldau, Schwarzbier." "I've been driving for 11 hours." "I'm not supposed to do that, but I am doing it." "Even a dog knows that you can't pee smack in the middle of a parking lot." "We had problems with our eldest too." " Shut up." "Ulf!" "We can take the highway here." " I used to work in an office too." "And now I'm a bus driver." "Why?" "Because no one tells me what to do." "Right, listen." "Men... pee in public places, but they always find something to pee up against, OK?" "My seat." "OK, we'll leave the picturesque stuff out then." "But here there's, like, an observation point, so if we just" "At least here Would that be doable?" "OK, we'll wait and see." "Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go!" "Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go!" "Here we go!" "Just a second everybody." "I just wanted to say a few words." "Oh, sit down, I don't need an opening act." "I've prepared something." " Yeah, so have I." "I've written it all down." " Oh God, shut up, are you crazy?" "Hey!" " Don't use that tone with me!" "I'm paying for the whole shebang!" " And I'm driving the whole shebang." "And have been for over 12 hours now." "So." "He was first." "End of announcement." "Yes, so" "I'd switched it off." "So, on the left in a minute you'll see Tüngerstedt." "Lots of people died here in the WW I." " Can someone turn on the radio?" "Tüngerstedt has also got the third-largest meat packing plant in Germany." " Ernie!" "Although there's no connection between those two, don't think so anyway." "Ernie, shut up and put some music on!" "Oh, beautiful Westerwald, eucalyptus bonbons," "The wind blows oh so cold above your treetops." "It works if you put in "bucket of jam", or "pink ladies' underwear" too." "Look what Daddy's brought with him!" "Should we try it with pink ladies' underwear"?" "All on my tab as long as supplies last!" " All together?" "Yes, I'll go round again in a minute." "I'm almost unbeatable under pressure." "Like that dog Lassie." "You know Lassie?" "She's just a fluffy little puppy, but when things get tough, bang!" "Attack dog!" "And then I really surpass myself and bite everyone in the ass." "Can you open the window?" "He didn't expect my beer move, did he." " Hm?" "Who?" "Ernie." "Tries his sausage trick and thinks he's got them round his little finger, but he fucked up." "Ernie's a classic fuck-up." "Want one too?" "He comes from a long line of fuck-ups." " Oh, leave the poor guy alone." "We want to get to the meat of things, but not his, his meat is fucked!" " Jesus." "Excuse me, who do you think I'm doing all this for?" "Why, is your Russian roulette tactic not working?" " Oh, my God" "The Russian chicks, that was just I'm into you of course." " Uh huh." "Who's gonna save you and the little one when CAPITOL sacks you?" "Why would that happen?" "Well, you know, you hear things all the time." "Look at Greece." "Yesterday as strong as an ox and now Third World country." "I'm not going to get fired overnight." "But, I don't know, do you know something I don't?" " Mm?" "I'm just saying I'm there for you." " OK." "You know?" "Tarzan, Jane." "OK, got it." "Tanja, that won't come out!" "Marvin, that's an expensive jacket!" "That's no reason to yell at him." " I'm not yelling at him." "What's going on?" "Jesus, what did you do now?" "Marvin was playing with his pens." " What the fuck are you doing?" "Ulf!" " That'll never come out!" "What?" "It's not a problem to tell him it's not OK to draw everywhere." "For starters, you tell him that you love him." "He's already been yelled at enough in his life." " What love?" "I've only known him a few weeks." "It took us over two year to say, "l love you."" "Oh, Ulf!" " Oh, Ulf!" "I think it's no use when we let him get away with everything." "We'll never be a real family like that." "Could you just try it my way?" "For me?" " Is this your kid?" "Yeah, that's our son." " He drew all over the windows!" "Yeah, sorry, he's going through a difficult time." "What are you doing, man?" "I've been driving for 13 hours." "I don't need trouble when I take the bus back." "We'll take care of it." " His parents are kind of losers." "His real parents, that is." " All my papers are ruined!" "He's drawn rockets all over everything!" "These are my papers for Head Office." "My application and everything!" "And he's drawn rockets on them!" " Ernie, those aren't rockets." "OK, buddy, we've gotta talk now, OK." " Those are penises!" "That's right, isn't it?" "Those are penises." " He can't draw that!" "Not here!" "Can't?" "If you'd told Picasso back in the day" "Picasso scribbled a dove, and everyone said, "Oh, Peace."" "But he's no Picasso." "On day people might say about our driver:" ""Oh, gay!"" " What was that?" "Can't you guys pull yourself together?" "Come on." " Driver?" "Excuse me?" "I think the toilet in the bus is broken!" "Could you take a look?" "It's a bit of an emergency." " Gay." "It's broken." " Yep, you can smell it." "What now?" " Happens all the time." "It was the old folks." "Nothing to do about it." "Can't do anything." " And now what?" "Hm?" " Yeah, now you can be there for me Tarzan, hm?" "Hello, driver!" "it's your job to fix the toilet!" " This is bad." "First I'm gay, and now I'm a plumber, or what?" "But those are both noble professions." "Udo Jürgens, to name just one, worked as a plumber for years." "Goethe" "Thanks for the help!" "Oh, Schirm..." "Don't walk away." "I'm taking care of it!" "So, chief, my patience is waning." "What are we going to do?" "I'm taking a break." "That's what I'm doing." "Go away." "I can't pee if someone's looking." "Oh, I looked at myself." "I have to go so bad." " Yeah, but where?" "There's nothing here." "Gotta get to the next town, but do you know how far that is?" " Must be 3 miles." "How's it going?" " Can't do it." "Oh, man." " I'll just crap in the gas tank then." "Thank God I don't have to pee." " So, chief, what are we gonna do now?" "My people are pissing up and down the countryside, and you're hibernating?" "I've been driving for 14 hours." " I know." "You're the pride of exhaustion." "I have to be in Botzenburg at 5:00 pm." "If Klinkhammer already hit the sack," "I might as well not bother coming." " We should drive to a rest stop." "The driver is called the driver because he drives." "He does the driving." "The others sit tight and shut up." " Yeah." "And the boss is called the boss because he" "This is unacceptable!" "You snap to it and get us out of here, or else" "Or else what?" " I'll show you the door." "But you can't just drive the bus!" "You're not insured to drive it!" " Oh, come on!" "I'm your insurance." "Alright already now just let Daddy do it." "Otherwise, we'll be sitting here next week." "An employee's natural instinct is to take flight." "Like a deer." "If there's a problem, he runs away, hides and freezes like a deer in headlights." "Not me!" "For me problems are like, uh Yeah, a nice set of tits." "When you handle them, that's when the fun begins." "This is crazy!" "Totally crazy." "You're all going to die!" "Make sure to get this." "They're all heading towards certain death, but without me." "I'm sure that the head office will understand why, if I don't come to the party tonight." " Hm?" "They can't ask me to put my life in danger for the company." "This is just crazy." "That's what it is!" "This is just crazy, my God!" "Door!" "You're all gonna die." "Lurchi, Lurchi, Lurchi, Lurchi" "Lurchi, Lurchi, Lurchi, Lurchi" "Whoo Whoo!" "Whoo Whoo!" "Yes, ladies and gentlemen, on your right you can see a sign:" ""Botzenburg, 6 miles"." "Botzenburg!" "Botzenburg!" "Botzenburg!" "Come with me." "Come here." "Come on." "So." "Look." "I've prepared this just for you." "Set up everything." "Hello." " Hello." "Excuse me, could you snap a quick photo of the two of us?" " Oh, no." "Come on, just one." " No." "Here in front of the heart." "Come on." "Just one won't hurt anything." "Come on." "Don't look down too much." " This is live, this isn't a DJ." "3, 2, 1" " Check, check." "One more, if you don't mind." "One two, one two, R2, D2." "Great." "Thank you." "Hey, people, that's love, the best feeling in the world." "Why we get out of bed in the morning." "Cause when we're on our death bed, we won't say: "Man, I should have spent more time in the office."" "Look at that, your ex." "This one's also named Andreas." "I'm Günni, back at you." "Name the tune, and I'll play it." "Let's get this party started." " I'll go see what's going on up front." "For me love was always something like the chickenpox." "Something that you can only catch one time." "It's so strange that my ex is just getting married again." "It makes me feel like I'm just some sort of mistake." "Like a beat up fax machine that no one needs anymore." "You know, it always worked great, but now we've got email." "Oh, someone's already here We didn't see you." "Hi." "I'm Mina, Laura's maid of honor." "Are you from Andreas's side?" "Here, take a Prosecco." "Andreas is Latin for asshole." " Oh, OK." "And love is also an asshole." "Bye!" "Sorry, all I have in the system is a double room for you two." "But we've got our son with us." "Our son isn't a second class person!" "Hey, I thought you wanted to fix this with the Head Office, but somehow Marvin doesn't have a reservation." "Oh?" "But we can surely find a solution here, right?" "Unfortunately, he's not in the system." " Then let's put him in now." "Sorry, that's no longer possible." " You're as flexible as the Taliban." "We're completely booked out." " This is so typical, man!" "Why do I believe anything you say anymore?" "I want to speak with your manager right away, pronto Toronto!" "We could put an extra bed in your room." " OK, then!" "I'll let my colleague know." " Yeah, go do that." "Handling problems." "Thanks." " You're welcome." "And now that we've already gotten friendly," "Stromberg, Bernd Stromberg." "would like to check into his suite." "I've had it up to here, really." "You're not exactly living in the fast lane, huh?" "I'm sorry, but you're also not in the system." "Hear that?" "That was the thread my patience was hanging by." "It ripped!" "I can only tell you what I see." "You could" "I'd suggest you get you hips moving and get your boss, and quick." "Appi galoppi." "See how it's done?" "It's already small for a double room, but now" "This doesn't have anything to do with you, Marvin." "Marvin, do you want a piece of apple or a cookie?" "That's not so bad." "The people from the hotel can fix that in a jiff." "That too." " So, I'm gonna go get some fresh air." "And you too." "Get out of here." "Hey!" "You finally made it?" " Yeah, we just got here." "I was just going to the sauna." " OK." "You could pour water over the stones." " It's a bit complicated at the moment." "Man, you've become as stuffy as a garden gnome." "Hold this." "Hey!" " Hey, relax." "We're on a trip!" "You can still think about it." "They've got a mixed sauna!" "Mixed, for women and squares!" "Wait a sec." "Love?" "No idea.Love?" "Love is like a scratch-off lotto ticket." "You only know afterwards if you've won or lost." "Actually, it's even worse." "You're sure you hit the jackpot." "Only after a certain period of time do you notice that you got stuck with a dud." "Although, a dud is also bullshit." "A consolation prize." "No, also not." "I, oh, I have no idea." "I don't know." "Maybe in the long run, there aren't any winners." "Oh." "Hello, I understand there's a problem?" "Excuse me?" " Oh, I just nodded off for a second." "Yeah, indeed, my good man, there is a problem." "For starters when I got here, I still had a full head of hair." "Aside form that, I feel like Mary and Joseph." "In particular, I find no shelter in your, uh, manger." "Oh, I'm sorry about that." "I'll check that right away." " Yep, Bernd Stromberg." "I'm one of the bigger fish at CAPITOL, you know?" "My name is Klinkhammer, Director of HR, CAPITOL Head Office." "I'll get this checked out, Mr. Stromberg, but you know that it's how you say something, not what you say?" "Sure, I'm a big fan of it." "I always tell my people:" ""What you reap, you can't put back in the bag with the cat."" "That's not what I'm getting from you." " But, no." "My conversational style is like a sheep in sheep's clothing, so to say." "Could you check this out?" " What's he doing here?" "You know each other?" " Well, know each other" "We were in the same department, and he was my colleague, practically." "Yeah, back then it was more Burrito-Stupido" or "Chilli-Willi"." "Or Rodrigo" " No, Ricardo Montalban." "Yeah, Ricardo Montalban, just a joke." "Although I have to say..." "Turks are a particular risk group, from an actuarial point of view." "Because for the price of one Turk, you can insure three Vietnamese." "That's a fact!" "Mr. Turculu is in charge of organizing this event." "Mr. Stolberg is having trouble with checking in." " Stromberg." "Stromberg is his name." " Oh, Stromberg." "And you're at the Head Office now, or what?" "Yeah, that's great!" "No, I can't find you." "You didn't register." " But, I did." "No." " Yes." "Mr. Turculu is very thorough." " That he is, you have to give it to him." "Could it be that something slipped past?" " I'm afraid not." "No, I'm afraid not." "Well." " Yeah, it's not a problem." "Problems are just a challenge for me, like a nice set of tits." "You simply have to handle them." "Or rather" "Yeah, I'm a very popular boss." "I can room with one of my colleagues, no problem." "You don't have to worry about me." "I'll be OK." "Hey, um, you've got a double room, right?" "Oh, I don't know." "I haven't been upstairs yet." "I got stuck at that wedding." "These meat heads screwed up my reservation." "Now I'm out in the cold." "I'm so done with men." "It's so clear now." " Hm." "I was just asking if you might," "If you were by any chance game that the two of us" "Huh?" " I just need to sleep with you." "You're unbelievable." "No, I don't mean sleep in the sense of" "Schirmchen, wait a minute." "Oh God, I know I get on peoples nerves sometimes, but doesn't everyone, even the best of us." "Just think what a pain Yin was for Yang." " Huh?" "I bet Yang was ready to hurl when Yin stepped in the door." "I don't get a word you're saying." "What do you want?" " To sleep in your room!" "No way, forget it!" "What?" "Lehnhoff!" "Man, how are you?" "I just phoned home, and our youngest has a fever." " Great." "You've got a double room, right?" " Mm." "Yeah, cause I need a place to sleep tonight." " Oh, why's that?" "Oh, why's that?" "Why, why, why?" "Why can't a one legged man kick himself in the ass?" "I've got to sleep somewhere, man!" "Mr. Stolberg." " Oh, Mr. Klink Is he bothering you?" "I'll hose him down." "That'll help for a bit." " On the contrary." "We had a great conversation." " Yes, I have to agree, Klaus." "And you?" "Did you find a place to sleep?" " Yes, well no, but that's going." "He said that you don't have a room." "Yeah, Ernie, I'm working out something." "You can stop mingling here." "You don't know anyone anyway!" " You can stay with me." "I've got a nice big room." " Yeah, right." "Great." "We were just talking about the importance of teamwork." " Yeah." "Fantastic, that's a a great idea." "And it also helps you out, right?" "So, a win-win-win situation for everyone involved." "Super, super, super." "Yeah, then we'll see each other later at the party." "Yeah." " See you, Klaus." "Heisterkamp." "Smother them with kindness, a trick I learned from the Asians." "I've learned that." "The Asians have to do it that way, otherwise, they lose face." "Saving face isn't so important with us, but it's still good." "Hm." " Yep." "What are you doing there?" "Do you think I want to be spooning and poking you later tonight?" "This guy" "Yeah" "Occupied!" "Oh, you're still here." "I thought you'd already left." "There are things you put up with for the job that you would never do privately." "That's why a company is stronger that a marriage." "You'd never let yourself be treated this way by a woman." "But in this joint they shit on your head, and you say thank you for the hat." "Hey, have you seen Ulf?" " No, not since the party started." "Shit!" " Oh, sorry." "Oh God, did it stain?" " It's just beer, could've been red wine." "Even then you're fully insured." "Tanja Steinke, claims adjustment." " Hartmut M?" "nchow, sales." "This is my colleague Kolbe." " Hello." "You're dismissed, young man." "Say you're sorry, Marvin." " Oh, he's really yours?" "Yeah." " And why did you bring him with you?" "That's a long story." " We were told no family." "I know." "Marvin is my foster child." " Oh well, that's something different." "You must have a heart of gold." " I cleared it with my boss." "I can imagine what "clearing" looks like." "You know what I mean, Ingo?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "I thought we" "I'd have liked to bring my kids along too." "I've even got real kids, but I obviously don't have the boobs to get special treatment." "No, you women who always want special treatment drive me crazy." "For your information, my husband asked for permission." "He's also here." "You're welcome to voice your complaint to him directly, form man to man." "Come on, Marvin." "From man to man." "I think I need to get back upstairs." "Sauna, samba, jingle jingleling!" "Wait a sec, Auntie Sabine is gonna christen you with love." "Ah!" "Mr. Stromberg, have you seen Ulf?" " Nope." "Can you look after Marvin?" " Nope." "So, how's it hanging?" "Yeah, it's a company party." "No one's having fun." "Of course it's even shittier for you, you can't even drink." "Wow, you're yacking like a waterfall, man." "When I was your age, I was like that too, always a bit alone." "But real heroes are always alone, huh?" "Tarzan didn't form a working group before he reached for the vine." "Oh well." "And then I thought:" "Damn, these people can kiss my ass, left and right butt cheek." "Yeah, and to be honest... it's stayed the same till today." "Hi, I was just going up to change." " I've been looking for you all over." "Yeah, I was in the sauna." "You said you were stepping out for a minute, and then you were gone!" "Let's not get things mixed up here." "The one who has to ask for permission is this tall and named Marvin." "I'm already this tall and am allow to go out on my own." "Don't you think I would've also liked to go to the spa?" "You can skip it." "It wasn't so great." "Next stop:" "Kill Joy Way, Boringtown." "Hi, Tanja." "Oops." "Room on the third floor, but the mood is in the basement." "Here, don't forget your hat." "Come on, we're going to our room." "Go ask the nice lady to get you a cola." "Go on over there, come on." "Oh no, who do we have here?" "The proud father." "Oh, no, he's not mine." " Yeah, we heard that already." "I'm the one you're supposed to set straight," ""from man to man"." " What?" "Yeah, get going." "I'm waiting!" " Oh" "Um" " What's your problem, buddy?" "I was the opening act for Bernhard Brink, and now weddings in Botzenburg." "Weddings are just palliative care for love." "Today it's the best day of your life, but really it's the beginning of the end." ""Can you play some hip hop?" "Do you have anything by Justin Bieber?"" "Man, if Justin Bieber walked in here" "I'd rip his head off and play Bernhard Brink on his skull." "That would definitely be an improvement." "Shit." " You can say that again!" "Heisterkamp." "Mr. Klinkhammer, good evening." " Nice to meet you." "Heisterkamp, claims adjustment." "You just can't ever give up." "True quality rises to the top in the end." "But sometimes Ernie comes out on top." "Oh man, who gives a shit about Ernie now?" " Oh no, you can't dismiss him." "You still can't give up." "There are other things in life besides this stupid office!" "Man, outside there's the world." "Everything is full of the world." "You say it like it's a good thing." " Yeah." "I have expectations for my life, know what I mean?" "Things I want in my life, and it shouldn't be like it is now." "It should be nicer." "Oh fuck, why can't it be nicer?" "Don't give up, even when they've shown you the door." "Don't give up." "Life promises so much more." "I wrote that for Bernhard," " It's nice but the assholes at the record label didn't want it." " Bernhard Brink?" "Yeah." "I wanted to get Roberto, no, Roland Kaiser for a board meeting." "Yeah, really!" "That was before your time." "Of course he was too expensive, and who did it in the end?" "Daddy!" "It was a hit, let me tell you." " Daddy." "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Good." " Bernhard Brink?" "No, just so." " That's true, because Daddy isn't just anyone." "Yeah, striking the iron even when it's fucking cold... was always my talent." "You're the Bruce Willis of quarterly reports" " Damn straight." "Hey, I was being ironic." " No." "Mr. Klinkhammer, I just wanted to say... you've gotten the wrong impression of me from the start." "And now you want to fix it?" " Yes." "Actually, I think I'd be a perfect addition to the Head Office" " Why?" "Because I'll bring in fresh wind without creating a draft." "I'm ambitious, but not too much." "I'm a man with a flat zenith, and I do people." " What?" "Oh, hm?" " What do you do with people?" "Whatever you want." "I'm sure that in most executive suites... it's actually rarer to find a real leader than a woman." "Should we get started?" " Ms. Berkel, what are you doing here?" "Mr. Stromberg?" " Ms. Berkel is hosting the event." "It's like a class reunion." " You know each other?" "Yeah, we know each other." "she was my "boss"." "Why" " Well, you're a "woman"." "I don't mean "woman", in quotation marks, because she's certainly got" "Please!" "We don't tolerate sexism at CAPITOL." " Absolutely right." "I see you haven't changed." "She's not my type for sexism, but" "Ms. Berkel is about to unveil the new Capitol TV spot, isn't that right?" "You've got dog shit on your shoe." "But anyway" " I'll wait another 5 minutes." "5 minutes will be enough." "OK." " Let me know when we can start." "I'll do that." " We'll do that." "There was nothing there!" "I can also do something on stage with my department, right, Klaus?" "Mm." "At first I thought I wouldn't find a rhyme for claims adjustment." "Let me see." "Government." " Yeah." "No problem, I've got it memorized." "Hello." "I think that's him over there." " Could you be any more obvious?" "Should I deck him, or what did you have in mind?" "That's OK, I bet you're still exhausted from the sauna." "What's that supposed to mean?" " Nothing." "Marvin?" "Hey, everytime I watch an action film, you say:" ""Why are you watching that violent crap?" And now I'm the sissy?" "Marvin!" " I'm not, not at all." "I even did Tae Kwon Do." "Yeah, that's right." "I could take on anyone in the room." "You know, the most important thing you learn is how to evade." "Then you don't even have to attack." "Sure, you learn how to punch in Tae Kwon Do and also kicks" "Oh!" "Marvin?" "Dear colleagues, on behalf of the management, I'm privileged to... be able to welcome you to what promises to be a fantastic evening in Botzenburg." "Over 50 years ago, the foundations for the first CAPITOL branch... in Germany were laid here." "But we don't want to get nostalgic just yet." "We don't want to start by looking back." "Indeed, only a select few of us were there in person 50 years ago." "The financial crisis has shown us... that we can't just keep going like before." "We have to be more transparent and above all more honest." "Trust is the way." "To get this message across, we're launching a major ad campaign, and I'm glad to be able to share the new CAPITOL spot with you now." "Enjoy!" "Insurance companies?" "I've got no idea what you're really like." "Supposedly, you're there for me, but all I know about you is?" "lling out forms." "That's not really the best start for a relationship, don't you think?" "Here at CAPITOL, we've heard you." "We're more than a stack of forms." "We are people." "People you can trust completely without reservation." "People who understand that life can have many facets." "We speak plain English not legalese." "Take us on our word, because nothing is as convincing as the truth." "Trust is the way." "Yes, we made a conscious decision... here at CAPITOL to not use a professional actor, rather me." "We wanted to make it as authentic as possible, and" "Evening, boss." "This is the next one." "Um" " Yeah, this is the next one." "Just do it." "We've also shot another clip for this campaign, which I, of course, wouldn't want to keep from you." "Oh!" "My name is Bernd Stromberg." "Here..." "Morning." " Good morning." "...in my claims department, I make sure that fun doesn't get neglected." "We don't delude ourselves." "Our work at CAPITOL isn't always a bowl of cherries" "When it comes to technology, we've got the state of the art." "Even though it's the state of the art for East Germany in 1991." "At least, on good days, we've even got power, some of the time." "To make up for that, there's a wealth of other incentives... to make a fresh start and go to work every day." "Last but not least, there are our valued colleagues who make working at CAPITOL such a joy." "All the stuff from my mom!" "Remember our colleagues are people just like you and me." "Well actually, more like you." "Yeah, that wasn't authentic but honest." "There's no question that we need to have a bit of fun, and our colleague Mr. Stromberg has taken care of that." "Now I'd like to get on with the rest of the scheduled program." "I just wanted to say that was edited in a very unflattering way." "Yeah, cause that's not how I am, and I hope that's clear to everyone!" "Everyone knows that." "This is our Ernie!" "Yeah, and to everyone who laughs at that, I say shame on you, double shame on you." "No wonder everyone says that the Germans haven't got a sense of humor." "Yeah, the office is war." "I've always said that." "You don't win a war with the Salvation Army, but with the Foreign Legion." "And they don't take prisoners." "Business is business and not benevolence." "And what's the point of business?" "Me and me alone." "Er, and you." "If you don't fight for yourself, no one will." "That's how it is." "There's no rekindling this flame!" "That's official." "What were you thinking?" " He's always been like that." "Without fun the party's done, old Russian saying." "If you ask me, you can go home now." " Quicker than now, if you ask me!" "But the people liked it." "The applause for your spot wasn't exactly overwhelming, was it." "More underwhelming." " But he had them laughing and howling, and how." "Yeah, but you can't compare the two!" "We had two focus groups." " And it tested really well." "The atom bomb was also tested twice and really well." "If we can't convince our own people, how can they convince other people?" " Yes." "Of course, I still think that was a crappy thing for you to do." " Yes, that's clear." "Ten stiffs to go." " What?" "That's the film about all the employees who died last year." "I'm not going out there." " What's that supposed to mean?" "Understandable, if you get panned in front of your own people" "I never should've gone along with this stupid ad." " Nonsense." "No, she's right, if you ask me." " Seven stiffs left!" "Well, someone's got to go out in front of the audience!" "So far you came over great, Ms. Berkel." " If by great, you mean shit." "Pull yourself together!" "You know how much is riding on this evening" " Four stiffs left." "OK, kids, then I'll do it." " I don't think that's a good idea." "Yeah." " I can do it." "You can trust me, Klaus." "First the normal program, then we've got a number with pom-poms and the works." "Dear colleagues, I'm Berthold." "You've already seen me in the little film a minute ago." "That was just a joke, the whole thing." "Yeah, even the part where I got mad about it, that too." "OK." "Now we'll take a trip back into the history of Botzenburg." "This isn't only the birthplace of CAPITOL, it's also the place where the famous composer Robert Schumann... tried to kill himself in 1844, which of course didn't work." "Instead, he composed the String Quartet in A Major." "Our colleague Mr. Turculu, who organized this evening, was able to get the Botzenburg String Orchestra, no, Ensemble, who will now give us a taste of this String, er, Quartet." "For your pissing leisure." "Listening pleasure!" "Yeah, that was "Joy in Osnabrück"." "Fabiana has put in a request for Justin Bieber's "Baby"." "I'll play that in a minute, but first here's a song of my own, for Jennifer, who's standing up front." "Here we go for her and you:" ""Don't give up!"" "High expectations, only frustrations, That was your life till now." "Stuck in desperation, Can't go on, don't know how." "Let them talk, even when they say, It's not smart." "Oh, listen to your heart, Your beating heart" "Wanna dance?" " What, with you?" "I've got a room here. 209." "It's got one of those things in the bathroom." "What are they called?" "You know, an ass washer." " Oh, God." "But the water was totally cold." "Damn, it sends a chill up your spine." "So what about that dance?" "Sorry, people, small emergency Günni's got to go take care of it." "But don't worry, I'll be right back." "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shh!" " Shh!" "That's the music you'd play to drive away the junkies at the train station." "Whenever I hear violins, I think did something happen to Grandma?" "Yes, thank you very much." "It was just beautiful." "Who's ready to get this party started?" "That's what I thought." "That's why we spared not costs, and we've brought you the A-bomb of the weapons of mass entertainment: moi!" "So, let's get this party started." "Let's get this joint rocking!" "Does your customer put the ass in hole," "Chewing your ear off like Van Gogh?" "And does he talk complete shit?" "Yeah, who can take care of it?" "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Move on over, let Daddy come over, Daddy does it really good." "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Is your sex not up to specs," "Cause your woman's not getting What she expects?" "You got the world's softest dick." "Call Daddy, his is like a brick!" "Asshole." "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Take it away!" "Sorry, sorry, sorry, but you know what?" "It would really help out, if you didn't draw peckers all over everything." "What?" "Come on, I'll defend your family name." "No worries." "If you can't control your life at all," "And you're running at full speed against the wall," "Then you'll?" "nd you've lost your mind." "Yeah, then call Daddy, Cause he can do it blind!" "Everyone:" "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Good!" "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Even better!" "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "And once more!" "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Let Daddy do it, Daddy does it good." "Thank you, Botzenburg!" "Thank you so much!" "Encore!" "Encore!" "Encore!" "Can you hear me, people?" "We are all, all, all, all, We are all, all, all, all" "That was fantastic, Stromberg." "Do you have more of that on tap?" "You bet!" " Yeah?" "That's great." "I thought my ear drum was going to bust when they started sawing on the violins." "What was Turculu thinking?" "He comes with this cultural stuff!" "That's where you see the cultural differences." "Someone's got to say it." " And now Berkel's getting pissed." "Yeah, a woman isn't automatically clever, just because she looks like shit." "We are all over 40!" "Women want equal treatment, but when the ship's sinking:" ""Women and children first!"" "All, all, all, all." "We are all over 40." "We are all!" "Thanks, you've been great!" " Hello?" "What's up next?" "The awards for years of service." " I thought I could recite a poem before." "Yeah?" "No!" "I think we'll let Mr. Stromberg handle this." "Yeah, Ernie, be a good boy and go get me a beer." "And bye!" "Encore!" "Encore!" " Botzenburg, here I am again!" "Heartfelt congratulations, hard to believe, a quarter century." "And an umbrella, not because you'll need a cane soon, but so you won't get caught in the rain." "Line up over there." "Lutz Kollinger." "And now I'd like to Yeah, I just have to do this." "Finally, I'd like to call up to the stage someone... who hasn't been with CAPITOL so long, but who's already done more than so many who've been here much longer." "That is with me at least." "Oh, I'm not so good at this." "They should just come on up here." "Uh, Jennifer!" "Jennifer, Jennifer Schirmann!" "Schirmchen, come on up here!" "A round of applause to wake her up?" "In my office there's so little sunlight... that my solar calculator doesn't even work, but Jennifer makes up for that with her smile." "Schirmchen, you're truly the best thing that could've happened in my job." "But she knows all that." "Let's see what I can find in these weeds." "This is for you!" "Oh!" "Romantic." "Oh God!" "Thanks." "I think men don't even know what romantic is in the first place." "Outside of a fire place, a fire isn't necessarily romantic, it could just be damages." "And that's how Bernd is, actually all men." "I don't know if any man ever did... something truly romantic for me." "Say, baby, you game for some dirty dancing?" "Hm?" "Oh!" "She wasn't that hot anyway." "He was standing behind his desk grinning at me like a Cheshire cat," "And then I said to him watch out, buddy," "I pissed in your pool last night, and I put the clay pellets from the hydroculture in your cereal, but I didn't get it on film!" "Hello, I understand there was a bit of problem earlier." "And I think it's bullshit if" " Hm?" "With Marvin over there." " Oh, yeah." "The rug rat?" "He spilled half the drinks menu on my fly!" " Really, did he?" "Now I have to wait till the chicks aren't paying attention to that sort of stain." "Fuck it, next round's on me It's on the house today." "What did you want actually?" " Oh, doesn't matter." "Well, I" "Oh, already so late." "I have to call my little chicks." "Say good night, or else they'll keep the whole house up blubbering." " Say hi!" "Will do!" "I'll be right back." "Do you know the redhead from Claims Adjustment?" "You?" "Hm?" "Let me put it this way:" "you saved CAPITOL's ass today." "I'd like to thank you for that!" "No problem, asses are my area of expertise." "I'm practically an assologist." "We could use someone like you at Head Office, you know?" "A man people accept cause he's one of them." "I am people, no question." "You can ask anyone:" "I am people!" "Ms. Berkel, everything OK?" " Trust is the way." "Gentlemen, could you take care of the lady?" "Women in the executive suite!" "What a bunch of modern bullshit!" "Crackpot idea." "The Church knows not to go along, and they've been around for 2,000 years." "And after 50 years of CAPITOL along comes a Berkel and bang." "Bang." " Bang." "You're a character." "The straight truth, straight talk." "You know, Mr. Stromberg, things here at CAPITOL are going to be changing a lot soon." "There's bad news for the people, and we're looking for someone... who can package that well." " That's exactly my thing!" "I'll sell snow to an Eskimo, need be." " I bet you could." "Yeah, you better believe it." "That's my specialty, if I say so myself." "What would that be exactly?" "Well, we're looking for a nice word for restructuring." "Or a few nice words." "What should I've done?" "He was really nice to me." "But not to me." " Yeah, because he started it." "You can't be serious!" " I'd also get mad... if someone kept spilling drinks on my jacket." " You're unbelievable." "What do you mean?" " That's our kid who" "I prepared a lot for 50 years CAPITOL, and Klaus said that I could do it." "Can I read it to you?" " No!" "Please don't." " Wow!" "Could it be that we're in an even worse mood at a party than at work?" "Ulf, do you have another?" " No, that's the last one." "Do you have a cigarette?" " Yes, but they're not classic cigarettes." "What do you mean?" "What's that supposed to be?" "Well, hayseeds?" "Ask me where I got the car." "Where did you get the car?" " Very good question!" "This is the car Daddy's driving to the executive party." " No!" "Where's that?" "ls Klaus there?" " Yeah, you wish." "Schirmchen?" "Seriously?" "They're letting you drive that?" " Yeah, to the executive party!" "Do they have cigarettes?" "Ups, sorry!" " Get out!" "Of pure gold, from what I've heard." "Ulf!" " Cool." "Uh!" " Careful." "You want to come too?" "Then pile in." "The boy's got talent!" "I have to say." " Marvin, what are you doing?" "Come on." "Let's get out of here." " This is the new Daddy-mobile." "Bang!" "It's not really environmentally friendly." " But sexy." "Give it to me." "I also have to go." " Oh, no!" "What?" " No, now I'd" "Give me that." "You still have to go?" "Be quick." "Ow!" "I think we did what we could." "Sometimes you just can't do anything." " Yeah." "I once did a German class for foreigners, simply because I wanted to be the best in something for once." "But even then there was some stupid Romanian who was better at grammar." "No." " Yeah." "Hey, are you sure we're in the right place?" "Yeah, sure, don't worry." "Look what Klinkhammer gave me." "With this, I can get in everywhere." " And what about me?" "You're with me." "Wow, that's a pad!" "Oh no, I'm totally not dressed for a place like this." "You don't have to be." "I couldn't care less what you have on." "Damn!" "Watch out, it's all full of steps." "Wow, I stick out like a sore thumb here." "My hair must look like I dropped a hairdryer in the bath." "Wait here, I'll be right back, OK?" " Yeah, I'll be here." "I could barf confetti." "Check this out here!" "This is the bomb!" " Oh, what's going on here?" "Oh!" "Stromberg, Bernd Stromberg." "Mr. Klinkhammer invited me." "And you want to shoot a little film now, or what?" "Oh, no, they're just, that's" " I don't mind." "No, they don't have to film, right?" "I'm Helena, by the way." "Come on in." "What do you want to drink?" "A warm welcome!" "This place is palatial!" "Yeah, a housing project looks a bit different." "I thought we'd wait for Jennifer." " Oh, who's Jennifer?" "The redhead?" " No, Jennifer, who I just came with." "I'll bet." " So where exactly is this party?" "Wherever you want it." " Oh." "Where is he?" "Is he in there?" "OK." "Man, what kind of place is this?" "Some geezer just tried to grab my breast!" "Er" " Just a sec." "Jennifer" "All of a sudden she was sitting on my lap half naked!" "Yes, I saw that." " Yeah, but I didn't want that at all." "Really, come on." "Ask her yourself." "Helene!" "Helene?" "Hey, have you seen any more of the melons with prosciutto?" " No." "Yeah, Helena doesn't want to come out, from what I can tell." "Is this the one you were talking about?" " It's about the melons." "What about my wife's melons?" "Hm?" "No, that wasn't him!" "What's going on here?" " He's going after her melons!" "So?" " It used to be better here." "You can't show up here with a girl!" "Do you bring beer to a bar?" "I didn't know it was that kind of party." "I was so glad to get rid of Berkel, and then you come along with your typist." "Jennifer, Ms. Schirrmann isn't just a typist." "She's a woman, a force." "Yeah, I'm married too!" "What's with you?" "That's got nothing to do with this here!" "Man, I thought you were one of us, Stromberg." "You said it so well yourself earlier, how did it go?" "No fun...?" "Without fun" " Without fun the party's done!" "Yeah." "It's the same with fucking." "At home it's all nice Robert Schumann, and here it's "Let Daddy do it"." "Sure, but I thought" " So, get rid of the old lady." "Fuck man, I just had" "Don't go and ruin the good impression you made earlier." " Yeah, no." "Fucking e-cigarette." "Fuck." "Yeah, for me love was always like an angel with diarrhea." "in theory a thing of beauty, but in practice a load of shit." "Except with Schirmchen." "With Jennifer, everything is, well, totally different." "Sure you can't live on air and love alone, but without it's bitter." "The Indians have got it good." "They believe in reincarnation." "There you can waste your life." "You'll just do better the next time." "But we've just got one chance, we've just got one life." "And more often than not it's shorter than a midget." "That was a bit of a misadventure." "I was picturing something different." " I thought it was nice." "Hm?" "I've had a bit to drink, but I thought... that was a very romantic gesture." " Yeah, I should say so, because that Helene had a killer pair of tits." "Yeah, I would've liked to" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good." "You wouldn't have any extra space in your bed?" "Don't ruin everything now, OK?" "Sleep well." " Sleep well." "Hey, Ernie, you old couch potato, what's up?" "Not a single one of the stars ever set foot in an office." "But it's clear for them, clear as a star." " What?" "Yeah, we work our butts off so we can afford to stay in a 4 star hotel once, and there are a hundred thousand millions of stars completely free." "That's crazy." "Although, Andromeda can't hold a candle to this beautiful machine." "I've lost face." "I can't even feel my face anymore." "Otherwise, you're absolutely right." "Evening." " Evening." "We need the keys back." "What?" " The car keys." "Oh, these ones, but how come?" "Klaus Klinkhammer gave me these himself." "And he told us you should give them back as soon as you come back." "That's what he said." " That's what he said." "Why?" "OK." "Because I wasn't into the gang bang, or what?" "Mr. Stromberg!" " Yeah." "Now wait a minute!" "I just saved CAPITOL's ass and now I'm the ass?" "We want to come to an amicable solution." " No." "Yeah." "We can do it the hard way." " Uh-huh." "OK then" "That's upper management." "Go fetch." "They shake your hand, at the same time they kick you in the shin, and it all depends how big your shin guards are." "And I've got ones this big." "Huh?" "I'll fly us home now on the bed." "Like little Peter Pan." "Peter Pan." "I'm not supposed to do that, but I'm doing it now." "Little by little floating on the bed." " Little by little I'm turning you down." "Mm, that's good." "Mm, rice pudding from MU!" "er!" "And the cinnamon sauce!" "Yeah." " Mm, tastes better than my boss!" "Whenever you get a craving." "Tasty, as you can see for yourself." "Stay here little guy." "I'll devour you too!" " Try this instead!" "Müller Rice Pudding!" "Only Müller?" " Or what?" "Rice pudding?" " Man, get away with that stuff!" "Berkel, is that you?" "I can't recommend the cheese." "It won't just clog up your stomach, it'll cripple your whole digestive tract." "I don't know how you could survive for as long as you did at CAPITOL, but with your performance yesterday, you've shot yourself in the foot!" "Wait a minute, yeah?" "Maybe I shot past my goal a bit, but there's no permanent damage done." "Come on, let's eat a nice tongue sausage as a peace offering." "Take it away!" "Oh, we're off to a good start again." "Now I've got egg on my face before breakfast!" "Yeah, well, she threw the sausage." "Hey, don't make such a scene, OK?" " Who are you?" "That's Mr. Steinke, a very good employee of mine." "Me?" "I'm the one here who's going to set you straight." "Uh, Ulf?" " Are you a daredevil, or what?" "Daredevil" "Hey!" "Uh" "Ulf!" "Man, I've got the imprint from my wedding ring here!" "Do you see it?" "Kids!" "Ulf, watch out!" " That's not true!" "It's true." "Sometimes you have to push your limits." "If your wife and your son are looking at you like you're not a real man, just some kind of pussy, that's the worst!" "Normally you don't get into a fight." "You just write an insult on Facebook, but if you've also got a family, then you can't afford to be a coward." "Ulf!" "Ernie, stop it!" "Go, go, go, fast, go!" "What am I going to do with you?" "I had no idea what it was about, but I wanted to get in there." "Ernie hit him in the head with the salmon." "Sorry, Mr. Stromberg, but we were asked to make sure... that you leave the hotel." " Come again?" "Yes, I'm very sorry." "Mr. Klinkhammer sent this." "Thank you." "What's that?" "Oh man." " Let me see." "That can't be true." " Not with your fingers." "What's that?" "Termination." " Effective immediately?" "He who fires a man creates an unemployed person, he who fires a woman creates a housewife, but he who fires a Bernd Stromberg creates trouble." "And not a small measure of it!" "Berthold?" "Bring the stool over here, please." "So, most of you have surely already heard... that CAPITOL turned me out in the cold." "And the reason for it is simple." "Yesterday I was invited to join the executives at a" "I'll just come out and say it, at an orgy." "There was expensive wine and cheap women, but I said no!" "I said no, not with me!" "I'm a normal employee, and either we all get wine and women, or I'm not playing along." "But the result was they threw me out." "And the worst is:" "sooner or, uh, later you're all out." " What?" "Because the insurance company that we all trust and love, our CAPITOL, will undergo a radical restructuring, and we all know what that means." "The majority of you are going to get sacked in the near future." "Oh yeah, you, you and you and you and you and you and you and you." "The plans are all finished, and when I heard that I said: no way!" "Yeah, that's what I said, no way." "I won't do that." "One evening I'm handing out certificates for years of service, and the next I'm handing out pink slips, or what?" "Daddy doesn't do that kind of thing!" "Yeah, that's all I had." "So, I'm going to give these fine gentlemen a piece of my mind, and if you share my opinion, come along." " Yeah, right on." "The trust is gone!" "The trust is gone!" "The trust is gone!" "The trust is gone!" "The trust is gone!" " Down with the management!" "Down with the management!" "Down with the management!" "Without us you'd be nowhere!" "Without us you'd be nowhere!" "Without us you'd be nowhere!" "Could you please refrain from doing that!" "Are you insane?" "The colleagues would like to tell you what they think of restructuring." "Do think this is going to save your job?" " Just because you shoot the ram, it doesn't mean the sheep will stop bleating." " What?" "Man, go home!" "You and your sad little bunch won't rectify anything here!" "They said that to Jesus and his disciples." " Here come the others!" "Here we go!" "Here we go!" "Here we go!" "The fish stinks from the head!" "The fish stinks from the head!" "CAPITOL might reach 50, but solidarity will reach 500, or even older." "Solidarity is as old as humanity itself." "Yes, we want to show the?" "ne gentlemen in there... that you can't treat people like this, even during a crisis." "And" " Is that the meaning of the symbol?" "Oh, what?" "Yes, that's right." "With that we want to say "Fuck the CAPITOL!"" "A company party for CAPITOL Insurance in Botzenburg... has apparently spiraled out of control after management's plans to cut jobs in the wake of the crisis became public." "And if we're out on the street, then on the street... where the people live who threw us out on to the street!" "Those are, as you can see, not the worst streets!" "The leader of the protest is a former employee of the insurance company," "Bernd Stromberg." "While CAPITOL 's management has yet to comment," "Stromberg has become even more vocal." "We all are the CAPITOL!" "Even if you don't work for CAPITOL, and your company threw you out." "You too are the CAPITOL!" "Everyone who's been rationalized away is the CAPITOL!" "That CAPITOL sounds like capital could just be by chance, but here in Botzenburg it doesn't seem so." "Bernd Stromberg, the man leading this protest movement, also sees himself as a clear victim of unbridled capitalism." "He's the man who can give a face to the protest against the corporations." "We're staying here!" "We're staying here!" "Our Bernd always wears a beard and tie." "He's got a bald patch, we can not lie." "You only know what you've got here, When it suddenly disappears!" "Cause you, you were the CAPITOL!" "More that 20 years in all." "You, you were the CAPITOL!" "And now, now you go just so" "The reason why the Neanderthals kept going... wasn't because of money and career." "No, it was for other Neanderthals." "And that's still in all our genes to this day." "And we have to get back to that." "We can't continue to let ourselves get beat up by our jobs just to keep them." "We're running faster and faster in the hamster wheel... that outfits like CAPITOL give us, and we think we've made it... if our hamster wheel is made of chrome instead of wood." "I'm here to tell you no!" "Stop running!" "Stop the rat race!" "Fuck the CAPITOL!" "The anti-capitalism protests around the laid-off CAPITOL employee," "Bernd Stromberg, are growing." "Bernd Stromberg has quickly established himself as the new enfant terrible, a voice for the disadvantaged, a?" "gurehead for the losers in the crisis." "You think you can push you around!" "We'll cut you down!" "I think Stromberg is a good guy." "It's high time that someone in Germany says:" ""Fuck the capital!" Yeah. "Fuck the capital!" "That brings it to a head." "Mr. Stromberg, was it you who said, "The office is war"?" ""The office is war"?" "Yeah, I said that, but now I'm for peace." "Damn system, who needs them!" "Damn system, who needs them!" "Yeah, when you reap, you have to lay the golden egg!" "You can't just dawdle around." "And so the offer from the party was the perfect thing." "Were glad to hear you want to support us." " It's my pleasure." "Stromberg, you're here." "How's it going?" " Good, good." "Yeah." "Stay strong." " Yeah." "He's gone gray, Steinrück." " Steinmeier!" "Here it's all about people." "Not quarterly numbers or forms or blah blah blah." "And that's absolutely my thing." "They need people like me here the way an undertaker needs bodies." "And they're kissing my feet here!" "Otherwise, they'd be fools." "No?" "Hm?" "Oh, it keeps going on up." "See you." "I'll be upstairs!" "Yippieh!" "Made it." "It's just God above me now." "Yeah, what does that mean, peace?" "I really don't have any time for this." "I've got to get going here." "Ah!" "Heisterkamp." "Hello?" "We had bad experiences with the Germans back in Poland." "Stromberg, he was even worse." "He was like the Russians." "What do you call a cross between a spider and a Pole?"" ""Eight armed maid!" It was like that the whole time." "Heisterkamp." "Yeah, I've got nice legs Oh!" "Ulf!" "Yeah, one time I totally didn't study for a big exam, and he wrote me a cheat sheet with all the answers on it." "That was pretty cool." "The answers were all wrong, and I had to retake the exam, but Stromberg is really a cool dude." "Whoop whoop." "Ah Heisterkamp." "Hey!" "Ulf!" "Back in the day, we could still smoke in the office." "Today people can hardly believe it." "And Stromberg's the same." "Pretty soon people won't believe... that something like that was possible in a German office." "And I'm sure there will be people who'll be sad about that." "No, I've got nothing to say about my ex husband!" "Unless he came crawling back and said:" ""Biggi, I got so many things wrong back then, and I'm really sorry." "Can you help me?" That would be nice!" "Then I could tell him" "I don't give a shit if that's on TV or in the theaters!" "Someone like Stromberg?" "Yeah, for me he's typically German." "That wouldn't work anywhere else." "In England, for example." "Before I wouldn't have dreamed of doing that." "It all comes from him." "But maybe it's good that way, huh?" "People like Stromberg are like modern art for me." "I don't get it at all." "They don't belong in the office, period." "You'll find them in every major company." "Yeah, and that's all I have to say on the subject." "Actually I do more nature documentaries and such." "I once did a film about penguins, and you think they look so harmless, but penguins are real assholes." "They cover the whole Antarctic in shit." "Yeah, it's true." "And Stromberg is the same way too, in terms of his mentality." "Stromberg is a real office penguin." "But I'm gonna miss him." "In some ways he was a role model for me." "You know, the beard and stuff." "Bernd" "Here, look." "Ernie, the old fruit." "Stromberg had bad breath, oh my God." "When he opened his mouth, it was... like someone opened the lid of a garbage can." "That he's trying to be the next Che Guevara, forget it!" "The guy is and always will be a hustler." "I wouldn't be surprised if he hustles a pile of money with this number." "Hello, boss." " Hey, what's that you got there?" "Uh, rice pudding," " Rice thingy?" "Yeah, that's right, Bernd." "Rice pudding." " Mm." "That's really something special, I have to say, this Müller thingy" "Oh, rice" " Rice pudding!" "Rice pudding!" "I don't get it why everyone loves him so much." " Hm?" "That's really tasty!" "And perfect for the office." "Hm." " Amazing that he's made it so far." "Try Müller Rice Pudding with Cinnamon!" "Got to be Müller or...?" "Uh, thingy?" "No." "Yeah, I'm like a zero." "You always have to take me into account." "There's no way around it." "Depending where the zero is, it can be very decisive." "If it's in front, then it's practically worthless, but if it's behind, watch out!" "And that's what it's about in the end." "Who's behind?" "Or who gets the last laugh?" "Sometimes he did really sweet things." "Like the first time we got together, he was totally drunk, and he threw up all over my dog." "He was trying to undo his pants, and I had an old pug... who couldn't run away quick enough." "Well, that wasn't exactly sweet, but it just came to me." "Hello?" "Jimmy Hoffa!" "Come on, let's go!" "One, two, three, four" "So, pay attention." "It's me again." "You've fallen in the shit head?" "rst," "And you think everything you touch is just cursed, cursed, cursed," "The colleagues are busting your balls," "Call Daddy, that's all!" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good!" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good!" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good!" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good!" "Even Superman pales in comparison" "Superman, you know, the fairy with the cape?" "Daddy could teach him a lesson." "It doesn't matter if your life's too busy." "Call Daddy." "He'll be there in a jiffy!" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good!" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good!" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good!" "Is your sex not up to specs, cause your woman's not getting what she expects?" "You got the world's softest dick." "Call Daddy, his is like a brick!" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good!" "Let Daddy do it." "Daddy does it good!" "Daddy does it good!" "Daddy doesn't just do it good, but so much better than a lot of other people think." "Whoa, they're totally flipping out." "That was really loud there at the end, but great, now I've got tinnitus."