"There are certain significant events that are marker posts, as a relationship takes shape." "The first kiss;" "the first time you do the nasty thing..." "No - that's not what I said." "But it's what you meant." "Just type what I say." "(PRESSES KEY REPEATEDLY) The first kiss." "The first night spent together." "(TYPES)" "The first foray into public as a couple." "My version was better." "Then, taking things to a whole new level, the first time you buy furniture." "As a couple." "It'd be a better story if it was a bed." "If you had to buy a new bed 'cause you, like, wrecked the old one." "We bought a table." "(TYPES) No - don't type that." "Well, then you need to be clear on when you want me to type or not." "In... this case, it was a table." "Because in this case, it wasn't like we had a choice in the matter." "So, this dinner party is officially real, then." "I guess it is." "OK." "That wasn't here before." "I wouldn't read too much into it." "As in, actual work." "Oh, look at you two, eh?" "Out for your morning constitutional." "You're like an old married couple!" "Woody, I thought I might find you actually working but... no." "Hey, now, whoa, whoa, whoa." "OK?" "That... that was the old Woody." "Unreliable Woody." "He's been replaced, mate." "Tracey has got me so onto it." "I'm... (CHUCKLES) ..oh, I'm dangerous!" "OK, like this morning, when as your site foreman," "I got the call that this bad boy was on its way from Stafford." "Um, that also wasn't here when we left." "It wasn't!" "Tracey made me get out of bed, get over here and make it so." "So it's Tracey who's actually onto it." "Um, George, don't look a working dishwasher in the mouth." "Yeah but he's right - yeah, Tracey, she is so onto it!" "I mean, day and night, flat out, writing reports on other reports about other reports." "Well, has she got time for dinner on Saturday night, you reckon?" "Here?" "To celebrate the new dishwasher?" "What, you mean like a... like a couples' dinner?" "Yeah, I suppose." "The four of us." "Does that work for you?" "I'm my own boss." "I can make anything work." "Then round up Tracey and we're on." "I'm onto it!" "Catch youse later, eh?" "See you, Woody." "See ya." "See ya." "Wow." "Actual couples' dinner." "Are we ready for this?" "I feel ready." "You?" "Yeah." "Ready." "2x10" ""Hosting a dinner party as a couple makes a statement to the world." ""Especially when all the couples at the party" ""start swapping partners..."" "Siouxsie." "It makes a statement to the world that..." "That what?" "..that... that you are a couple." "Wow." "That's profound." "No, don't write that." "And as a couple, you realise that you have social obligations... and are prepared to be judged as a couple by how well you live up to those obligations." "Dude, it's a dinner party, not 'Game of Thrones'." "Oh, that's where you are so very wrong." ""Firewood stacking champion's freak injury"" "or "Devil's elbow corner reseal delayed"?" "Just pick one." "Um..." "Firewood." "Firewood it is." "You're not gonna fight me on that?" "No." "I think coming into firewood season, many of our readers will be interested in the bark-up, bark-down debate." "George, would you and Fiona be interested in coming for dinner Saturday night?" "Tom thinks we should be more social as a couple." "With other couples." "Well, that's a... that's a lovely offer, Gloria, but... we already have people coming over on Saturday night." "Oh." "OK." "Another time, then." "But maybe you and Tom could come to ours." "But Tom and Gloria hardly ever go anywhere." "Well, they're coming for dinner on Saturday night." "Are you OK with that?" "Of course." "Why wouldn't I be?" "It's just that I thought, you know, our thing has just become a..." "A bigger thing." "By two people." "Well, a slightly bigger thing." "George, I'm fine with it if you're fine with it." "Yeah, I'm fine with it." "Good." "Dinner for six, then." ""And the thing about social obligations" ""is that where there is one," ""there are others which can pile up like..."" "Like?" "Um..." "You guys OK in here?" "George can't finish sentences." "We're fine." "How are things out there?" "OK." "Enough with the water." "It's time for dressing." "Out of here." "(WINCES, SIGHS)" "I can dress those." "We're good here." "I'm a trained paramedic." "(SCOFFS)" "Don't you have 'social obligations' to attend to?" "They pile up." "Right." "So, how are things going with you and George?" "Fine, thanks, Ollie." "And, uh, how's Shay feeling about having a new step-mum?" "I'm not even remotely close to being anyone's step-mum, Ollie." "Sorry." "I just think you guys are awesome for each other." "Thank you." "Hey!" "Hi." "Hey, Katie." "Hi, Ollie." "Hey, can I just say I think it's really cool that you guys are being so mature about it?" "Mature about what?" "Well, you went out with George, right?" "And now Fiona's shacked up with..." "We only went out once." "I'm not "shacked up" with George." "Got it." "(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)" "Hey, are you doing anything on Saturday night?" "Just... felt weird not asking her, you know?" "It's weird for you, isn't it?" "No, not at all." "It's just, I have this thing around dinner parties - there should always be an even amount of people." "Couples?" "Not necessarily." "It's a conversational thing, you know, so everyone has someone to talk to." "Uh, look, I have to go now." "Can we talk about this later?" "Sorry about that." "Where were we?" "Uh, you're looking to do a fish thing for your flash dinner on Saturday?" "Not that flash but... yes." "Sure." "I can go out Saturday morning." "Deliver them to your door." "What do you want?" "Crays?" "Snapper?" "Kina?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Maybe not kina." "Actually, Zac, would you like to come to dinner?" "Was that wise?" "It evened up the numbers." "Uh, Dad has a thing about even numbers." "Fiona knows." "I told her." "But Katie and Zac have history." "Oh, is that how they got Billy?" "They'll be fine." "They're good in social situations." "Mmm, sometimes too good." "But what's done is done." "Well, you invited Katie." "What was I meant to do?" "Where are we at with the numbers?" "Eight." "Ten, including these two." "Oh, I'm out." "Literally, I will be out." "And I'm rostered on here." "I do have the power to change that." "Uh, that's fine." "Yeah." "Dinner parties are... your thing." "So, eight, then." "What are we gonna feed them?" "Well, I was thinking fish but now I'm not so sure." "I just can't face it this year." "Face what?" "The races." "Stafford Cup." "The family box." "The horror." "Can't help you there." "I got out of that years ago." "I know." "One of the lucky few." "I sent Robbie to jail and your dad stopped inviting me." "If only I had that option." "From memory, you love the races!" "Drinking too much, betting on all the wrong horses..." "It's different this year." "ROBBIE:" "Nice and naughty!" "(MAN LAUGHS)" "Hey, champagne and crayfish, Fiona, and keep it coming." "I thought you weren't drinking." "Not for me." "It's for my brothers, actually, who will be toasting me, the one and only true real estate agent in town, who took the Whitfield property - I think you might know it - from first enquiry to sale in a single day." "Boom!" "Boom!" "No shed, Monty!" "Yeah, Monty!" "Boom!" "Boom!" "(IMITATES MACHINEGUN FIRE)" "Grenade!" "(IMITATES EXPLOSION) Boom!" "(BOTH LAUGH) Oh, I love my job." "Imagine that - worse - all day Saturday." "If only I had an excuse not to go this year." "Have you heard about the dinner party, Monty?" "Word has reached my ears." "But the races, they're a day thing." "This is in the evening." "Yeah but I need to groom, to manscape." "It can be a pity invite." "I actually don't care." "Here you go." "Would you like to come to dinner, Monty?" "Yes." "You won't regret it, George." "And we're back to odd numbers." "Hannah can come, even things up, if that's an issue." "It is, apparently." "Well, I have been wondering why I wasn't invited." "Just because I need you to work here." "Well, we have no bookings, uh, 'cause of the races and Michaela can cover." "It's a date!" "Not a date, Monty." "Like a date." "No." "Even numbers." "Sorted." "See you Saturday." "Yeah." "Wood-stacker's elbow?" "Who knew that was a condition?" "Slim pickings these days, I'm afraid." "Still, it's not all bad when the summer people go, George." "Gives you and I a chance to do other things." "Things that matter." "Like...?" "Like having a nice, long chin-wag." "Right some wrongs." "Try to make Weld a better place." "Mmm." "I'd like that." "Good." "How about Saturday night?" "I've got people coming for dinner." "I know." "Dinner party at yours." "Yeah - won't you be at the races in Stafford?" "Races in the afternoon, dinner party at night." "The thing is, Big Mac, if I invite you, I have a problem - it's a numbers thing, you know?" "With you, it'd be 11 - an odd number." "It's a thing I have." "Odd numbers and dinner parties, they... don't go together." "I hear you, George." "I'm a systems man myself." "I appreciate the support." "And a solution." "I can bring Rae." "Stafford Rae?" "Ever since our glorious cricket victory, we've been mixing a little business with rather a lot of pleasure." "(CHUCKLES) And what better time to make it public?" "Go out as a couple, as you and the lovely Fiona test your newfound love in the crucible of fire." "It's a diner party, Big Mac." "Is it, George?" "(CHUCKLES)" "See you Saturday night." "(OMINOUS MUSIC)" ""These social obligations, by which the community will judge you," ""as the hosts, by the end of the night," ""begin with the guest list." ""Once the numbers are sorted, it becomes all about the execution."" "Ooh, I like the word 'execution'." "'Cause it's kind of like what is actually happening." "Then... then strike that." "It all becomes about the planning..." "Wimp!" "..and managing the expectations..." "Of the mob, baying for blood." "..of everyone involved." "12 people are never gonna fit around that." "They could sit on each other's laps." "Monty would certainly be in favour of that." "(CHUCKLES) What are you gonna cook?" "I haven't decided yet." "Well, we could always have it at the boat club." "Seating problem solved." "Well, then it wouldn't be a dinner party, which is the whole point of the exercise." "I thought the point was to get to Sunday morning in one piece." "Yeah." "That too." "You could do the corn thing." "That was brilliant!" "I am not gonna do the corn thing." "At one party, Laura decided that she wanted to do the vegies, so she did this whole cooked-corn-in-the-husk thing." "And the smoke billowing from our oven set off the alarm." "We had to go round and open up all the windows in the place." "The house stunk of smoke for weeks." "Yet once you got past the charred outside, the corn was good." "Yeah." "Yep, nah, the way I see it, we have no choice." "You fancy a trip to Stafford?" "Furniture shopping together!" "Now, that's a milestone, isn't it?" "Well, we could all go together." "Make it a CFO." "CFO?" "Uh, 'compulsory family outing' and it's a pass" " I have to go pick up my stationery pack from school." "Ooh, exciting!" "So, you up for it?" "Sure." "Glad to be of help." "Great." "Hello!" "Hi, Principal Dennis." "Crikey, don't call me that!" "Actually, do" " I quite like it." "Hey, um, what should we bring on Saturday night?" "Uh, you have to ask Dad." "It's not my department." "Fair point." "You looking forward to getting back to school?" "Can't wait." "What a sucker." "Inviting the principal round for dinner?" "Lame." "OK, Dad invited Woody, she's with Woody and I'm not actually gonna be there" " I'll be at work." "But don't let the facts get in the way." "I never do." "Your dad's kind of fun." "Never been to a dinner party before." "You're kidding!" "Oh, yeah, well, like, here people go over to someone's house for a feed but we don't call it a dinner party!" "It's..." "Just sounds too posh." "(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) Hi, Katie." "Hi, Ike." "Hey, Dad wants to know if you wanted a lift on Saturday night." "With him?" "Uh-huh." "He hasn't got any ideas, has he?" "I think he just wants to..." "know if you wanted a lift." "Are you OK with the whole Saturday thing?" "Why wouldn't I be OK?" "It's just a dinner party." "Recent history?" "Might be recent but it is most definitely history." "Oh, and I'm very much looking forward to Saturday night." "It should be fun." "Tell your dad I'll make my own way to the party." "And my own way home." "OK." "GEORGE:" "Do you think this is big enough for 12?" "If everyone gets cosy." "I suppose I could do finger food." "But that rather takes away the whole point of a dinner party, which is to sit and dine." "The table is big enough, George." "It'll do the job." "Of course, you do know what this means." "I'm gonna have to buy some chairs." "For one dinner party?" "!" "There aren't 12 chairs in my house." "George, I have a restaurant full of chairs." "Of course." "Genius." "Problem solved." "I'm glad I can be of some use!" "Sorry - is there a problem somewhere I'm not aware of?" "Whose dinner party is this, George?" "Ours." "Why?" "Is it?" "Are you sure about that?" "Because so far, everything that's come out of your mouth has been 'I' or 'me'." "And yes, it is at your house, so I do get it but only up to a point." "Sorry - this is coming out wrong." "We shouldn't have this conversation here and now." "Up to what point do you get it?" "This dinner party that we are having... who's doing the cooking?" "I assumed me." "Yeah, you did." "You do - you'll cook and I'll entertain the guests - that's what you've assumed, right?" "Well, you work in a restaurant all week." "Where I entertain the guests while someone else cooks." "True." "Sorry" " I just assumed that you wouldn't want to cook." "No, no - it's fair enough." "It's a fair enough assumption to make." "Even if that's not the reason that you're making it." "That's the way you and Laura did it." "You being a rockstar in the kitchen while she charmed the guests." "That sound about right?" "Yeah, that... pretty much covers it." "Here's a news flash for you, Gorge." "Sometimes I'm not very charming." "Sometimes I can be rude and snippy and it's best to keep me far away from the guests." "Like in the kitchen, for example." "So do you want to do the cooking?" "No!" "I want US to do the cooking!" "Oh." "I want us to take turns charming the guests." "I want us to do this together." "Our way - whatever way that turns out to be." "Do you think we can manage that?" "Well, there's only one way to find out, I guess." "SONG: ♪ We've got a long way to go" "♪ But we got the energy" "♪ Took a little while to find reality" "♪ We've come a long way, you know" "♪ Living inside a dream" "♪ Waking to find that we are kings and queens" "♪ We've got a long way to go" "♪ But we got the energy" "♪ Took a little while to find reality... ♪" "Do not make eye contact." "Do not make eye contact." "Someone's having a gathering!" "Do love a good dinner party." "Oh, I was just saying to Sean the other night how much I enjoy them." "OK." "Numbers steady at 12." "Good work." "You go do what you need, I'll go do what I need, meet back at your place and let the preparations begin." "Sounds like a plan." "Bit tricky getting leave for a Saturday night but Stafford HQ have approved it." "Pleased to hear it." "It was a bit of an issue, because it's Stafford's race day." "Yeah, I'm sure." "So." "Dinner, George." "Time?" "7:30-ish." "Ish?" "Yep." "From 7:30." "Anything we should bring?" "Just your good selves." "Take it as read." "Anything else?" "Well, a bottle of wine is traditional in Australia." "As it is here." "I won't consume, as I will be driving." "But Gloria certainly will." "Yeah, good to hear." "Is, uh, Gloria coming in to the office today?" "Nope." "She's devoting today to making herself beautiful." "Oh, she doesn't need to do that!" "Try telling her that." "There's something you should know." "With Gloria, when it comes to small talk, sometimes..." "Oh, it just isn't small enough." "Just if it happens, go with the flow, OK?" "I will." "ROBBIE:" "Babe." "Not your babe." "Fi, hold up." "Fi!" "What do you want, Robbie?" "Come to the races with me." "I..." "Why are you even asking me that?" "!" "You know what the answer will be." "Yeah, dinner party, blah, blah, blah." "You're not a dinner party person, Fi." "Face it." "It's nothing to do with any dinner party - everything to do with you." "Oh, come on." "We have fun at the races." "Remember that year you piggy-backed that jockey round the birdcage and you ran into that cop and you all fell in the garden?" "Yeah, thanks for bringing that up, just when I was starting to get over the shame!" "Oh, come on - that was hilarious." "Give it up, Robbie." "It's never gonna happen." "He's not right for you." "Doesn't want the things you want." "And you're an expert, are you?" "In the things I want." "Flag this dinner party nonsense and come to the races." "You egg!" "Got what you need?" "Yep." "You?" "Yep." "So, where should we start?" "How about... out with the old?" "SIOUXSIE:" "Seriously, if you want to go, I am happy to finish it for you." "No, no." "It's all good." "What, that you're in here and everyone else is out there trying to breathe life into the corpse?" "All I'm saying is you've got a weird definition of 'good'." "'Disaster' is more the word I'd go for." "And then it is the day of the dinner party, which, if you are the hosts, is a day which speeds by, almost like you are witnesses to the events going on around you." "(TYPES)" "It can be a thing of beauty, two people concocting and conjuring everything needed to pull off a successful dinner party." "As a couple, if you can pull off this trick, your relationship can survive almost anything." "♪ We've got a long way to go" "♪ But we got the energy" "♪ Took a little while to find reality... ♪" "Where were we?" ""As a couple, if you can pull off this trick," ""your relationship can survive almost anything."" "Oh." "Even the guests." "No, don't write that." "Um..." "(DELETES TEXT)" "It almost seems a shame that, inevitably, these moments will be lost... as the guests arrive which, inevitably, guests will do." "Only me." "Monty!" "Correct!" "Sorry - bit early." "Yeah, three hours." "Yeah, well, it was either this or stay at home and help Siouxsie clean the lime scale off the shower." "She didn't go to the races with the rest of the family?" "No, they won't let her." "Says she scares the horses." "There was an incident a few years ago." "Wasn't it the year that you played giddy-up with a jockey?" "Can't remember." "And you brought wine." "Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly sure of the menu so, um, covered all the bases." "I can see that." "This is a lovely feijoa dessert wine." "Yum." "Made that myself." "Made all these myself." "Bit of a hobby." "And that - rhubarb." "It's got a real... real zing to it." "Here, let me take care of these." "Can I get you a drink, Monty?" "Or would you like one of these?" "God, no." "Beer's fine." "(SIGHS SOFTLY)" "Hannah here?" "No." "She's at work." "It's not a date." "At first it's not a date." "If you need any help with anything, sing out." "Something smells nice." "BILLY:" "I think Mum is on the verge of something." "Last night she tried on all these outfits, then this morning, drove to Stafford to get a whole new outfit." "So?" "She wants to look good for the party." "I..." "Mum hardly ever gets obsessed with clothes like this." "The last time she did was... when she was on that date with your dad." "It's just a dinner party." "But we're not used to dinner parties in Weld." "So, are George and Fiona at each other's throats yet?" "Not that I saw." "Should they be?" "Cooking for 12?" "Give it time." "Right." "Michaela will be here soon and I'm off to make myself beautiful for my date with Monty." "With Monty?" "!" "Oh!" "Didn't you know about me and the Mont-ster?" "Oh, it's on." "Big time." "Have fun, kiddies!" "Oi!" "How are youse going, mate?" "Everything's good, mate." "Hello!" "Oh, I'm loving the new table, mate." "This is the kind of table you sit around, solving problems of the world." "Not all of them, surely!" "Oh, no, no, no." "Never underestimate the power of a good table." "Well, this table's all your fault for getting this ball rolling." "Oh, well." "We're gonna have to christen her in style, eh?" "Yeah, I'll have one of these." "How's it going with you two?" "OK." "I'm surprised George actually let you in the kitchen." "Hmm." "He's getting his head around it." "(MEN CHATTER WITHIN)" "(CRASH!" ")" "It just flew out." "I'm so sorry!" "It's OK." "My fault." "I, um... mustn't have put it in properly." "I guess it's lucky crayfish is now on the menu." "Wow." "Check you out!" "You look hot!" "Is that new?" "No!" "No, not at all." "You'll show that George what he's missing out on, eh?" "Ike!" "It's not like that." "I just felt like dressing up, that's all." "And you look beautiful." "So go, have a good time and enjoy sitting at our new table with all the grown-ups." "New table?" "Yeah, Dad and Fiona got it from Stafford." "Oh. (CHUCKLES)" "That's very... adult." "(CHUCKLES)" "What are you guys up to tonight?" "Well, we... we've got a plan." "OK." "Well, you guys have fun." "You too." "We have plans, do we?" "Mmm!" "You threw George's entree on the floor?" "It threw itself on the floor!" "How'd he take that?" "Come here often?" "You can do better than that, Monty." "Out of practice." "He took it remarkably well and I have alternatives, OK?" "I... am putting plans in place, as we speak." "Why you?" "It's his thing that got trashed." "Well, George is greeting guest at the moment." "Hi!" "Hi!" "Wow." "Thank you." "It's, uh... it's beautiful." "I thought I should bring something." "(QUIETLY) Yeah." "And... you look amazing." "Oh, it's... it's just old." "It's nothing." "Oh!" "I see Fiona's doing some of the cooking." "Uh, yes." "Isn't that your department?" "Well, tonight we're doing it together." "Oh!" "Hide the drugs, everyone - the law's here!" "Eh?" "(LAUGHS) 'Cause he's a cop!" "I don't have any drugs." "And I am off duty." "Although were I to see crime, I would still fight it." "Sorry we're late." "Are you?" "(PHONE BUZZES)" "A few minutes." "Time may wait for no man but all men must wait for beauty." "Absolutely and, Gloria, you look beautiful." "Thank you, George." "See?" "I told you he wouldn't mind." "Mmm." "Lovely arrangement." "Yes." "Uh..." "And a lovely new table too." "Tom and I were thinking of getting a new table..." "Oh?" "..but then we decided not to." "Mmm." "Good." "Good, good." "(CLEARS THROAT) Well, help yourself to a drink." "And I'll be back soon." "Was that appropriately small for small talk?" "Perfect, ducky." "Handsome couple, aren't they?" "I always felt she was the one for him." "Ooh!" "Katie." "Nice frock." "Oop..." "I figured, if your dad's gonna introduce such flash concepts as dinner parties to Weld, then... why should the old people get all the fun?" "I like your thinking so far." "Thank you." "So, what's on the menu, Mr Chef?" "Nothing but the finest local delicacy." "(LAUGHS)" "Hi, Michaela." "Uh, Arlo here." "You're rostered on to be the duty manager tonight." "Uh... uh, OK." "Uh, have fun." "So, Michaela isn't here because she's in Stafford at the races in the members' bar and she's not leaving any time soon." "So you need to call Fiona." "(SIGHS)" "Nah." "I don't want to ruin their dinner." "But you're not qualified or even old enough." "Tonight, I am." "And I know for a fact that the law is at my place, eating." "I can be your assistant!" "I studied food tech." "I can whip up a sauce for the crayfish." "Uh, unless you want to, of course." "No, no, no." "No, you be the sauce guy." "I've done enough damage." "Don't." "Don't do that." "It was an accident." "We can adjust." "We can deal with it." "We just don't need any more surprises, that's all." "MAN:" "Lover, my friend!" "Did you... invite them?" "No." "Smiler!" "You seem surprised to see us." "Oh, yeah, right." "Sorry, mate - forgot to mention." "I invited Smiler and his lady friend." "Alice." "Uh, this is Alice, my... "lady friend"." "Hello." "Uh, Woody wasn't too clear whether it's a pot-luck dinner, so... palusami, a traditional Samoan dish." "Tastes better than it looks." "And Pavlova, traditional New Zealand dish." "Thank you." "Great!" "Fantastic." "Um, welcome." "You drive the ambulance, right?" "Yes." "She's the one I told you about." "Hmm?" "You know - the one that drives too fast." "I don't drive too fast." "Well, traumatised patients you deliver would beg to differ." "But the whole point of an ambulance is to drive fast." "GEORGE:" "Why don't you make yourself at home?" "Dinner will be soon." "Great. (CHUCKLES)" "It's not my fault the roads aren't built for speed." "I think we have enough to go around and there's some more chairs in the kids' rooms." "Shit." "(SIZZLING)" "Might be a bit of a tight fit around the table but... (PHONE BUZZING)" "Oh, yeah." "She called before, actually." "Oh..." "Jan." "You have to write another column." "Why?" "You wrote about how much you love freshly baked bread." "The feature article for this issue is 'The Joy of Bread'." "It's like we're a pro-carbohydrate propaganda sheet." "We can't have both." "Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?" "Because I didn't know you were also going to write about stupid bread until you delivered this morning, did I?" "So dump the article." "I'm not dumping a feature for you!" "You need to give me another column, tonight." "Tonight?" "!" "Yes." "This issue has gone to hell already so we're doing an all-nighter here." "I need it by 2:00am!" "Your time." "But I'm having a dinner party." "Then write about that." "Just don't write about bread." "Are you still mad at me?" "No." "I'm mad at the universe." "Bloody Jan!" "She says I have to write another column." "Tonight." "What?" "!" "Why?" "I don't know." "Something about bread..." "No, don't...!" "(YELLS) Oh!" "(GROANS) Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!" "We need water!" "Sorry we're late." "Have we missed anything?" "(WINCES) (GROANS)" "You alright?" "Aah, oh!" "Not your best move." "No, it wasn't but I have to get back to cooking." "Hey!" "Hands back under the water!" "I have dinner to make!" "Water!" "It's fine." "It hardly hurts." "(WINCES, GASPS)" "You don't have to do that." "Oh, it's fine." "Actually, we do, George, before someone slips in it and really hurts themselves." "OK, George - the way we see it, we've come to a crossroads of the evening, alright?" "Clearly, you're out of commission, cooking-wise." "Just give me a few minutes and I'll be back to..." "We don't think so, George." "Also, everything you've cooked has ended up on the floor." "You need to quit while you're behind, mate." "And that goes for your beautiful one-legged offsider as well." "So we reckon we could either pack it in for the night..." "Or we do a Weld-style dinner party where we do things a little bit different to the rest of the world." "Which is what?" "Where the guests cook for the hosts." "Are... are you serious?" "I couldn't let you do that!" "But you're not exactly in a position to stop us, are you, mate?" "So, what" " I'm just meant to sit around and watch you cook?" "Well, don't you have a column to write?" "Well, yeah but... it's not like I can type, is it?" "Give me five minutes." "I can fix that." "Her typing speed is freakish." "You could rap like Kendrick Lamar, she'll keep pace, no problem." "Try me." "I dare you." "I'll leave you two to it." "(SHUTS DOOR)" "So, what's it about this week, George?" "Please say the cannibal clans who live in the hills high above Weld." "Dinner parties." "WOODY:" "OK, everybody, listen up." "Now, everybody knows what they're doing but I want everyone to remember why they're doing it." "For our good friends George and Fiona." "No - because otherwise we don't get a feed." "So come on - let's go!" "Would you say this is typical of a dinner party round here?" "No." "Got yourself a good man there." "Now, not today but..." "I never really considered myself one of those women that needed to "get a man"." "And if I were, I don't think Woody would have been on my radar." "(CHUCKLES) But yeah, I have." "So do you." "Really?" "The first thing we do as a couple - complete disaster." "(SIGHS) Is it?" "I mean, apart from the injuries and the tragic waste of food, doesn't look like much of a disaster to me." "So, what are the keys to a good dinner party?" "Not dropping the food on the floor and/or injuring your hands and the woman you apparently love in the process." "Well, not "apparently" - I do love her." "Do you?" "That's nice, George." "It's an evolving situation." "Should I be typing this?" "People... good people are required for a great dinner party." "Interesting people with interesting stories to tell." "People... (CONTINUES TYPING)" "..you care about." "(TYPES)" "Must be strange for you." "Be difficult for it to get any stranger." "GLORIA:" "Well, this is a jolly evening, isn't it?" "I was just saying to Tom that we should go to more dinner parties!" "Well, hopefully they're not all like this one!" "What are you talking about, Fiona?" "This has been great!" "Apart from the casualty list." "It's good to see you two out." "As far as couples go, you're a bit of a mystery in this town." "Now, that's because we met after I buried my husband in the backyard but... (WHISPERS) .." "Tom doesn't really like to talk about it." "(LAUGHS)" "Technically, what Gloria has said is true." "But we need context." "The autopsy revealed that her husband, who was... not a nice man..." "Awful." "..actually died of a heart attack, not the injuries sustained from the vacuum-cleaner hose." "So the charge was downgraded because it is still illegal in New Zealand to bury a body in your backyard." "Unless there is no cemetery or burial ground within 32 kilometres... 32 kilometres of the place where the person died or the body was buried." "So, yeah, that's how Tom and I met, when I was in prison." "(CHUCKLES)" "I ran a police-initiated photography workshop for prisoners, called 'PhotoCop'." "PhotoCop." "Ah." "Gloria had a very good eye for detail and composition and..." "Well... to cut a long story short, we struck up a friendship and the relationship developed in the dark room." "(LAUGHS) Yeah." "And upon her release, uh, the rest, as they say, is history." "Yeah, well, it's not exactly hitting the winning runs in the cricket match and then away we go but... to each their own." "(LAUGHS) Cheers." "Cheers." "Excuse me." "Mmm." "Thank you." "Have a good night." "Phew!" "Piece of cake." "Easy as." "No, I mean we should have a piece of cake." "Oh. (CHUCKLES)" "..as two dapper men in lovely suits making a late charge for the bar." "Boom!" "Holy smoke!" "We've got the midgets on duty tonight." "Uh, espresso for me, brandy for the big bro and whatever the next generation wants." "Chips." "I'll have chips." "Uh, kitchen's closed, I'm afraid." "Are you two the only ones here?" "No." "You're here too." "Are you, like, in charge?" "Yes." "I am." "So if I wanted a vodka and soda, you could get it for me?" "Not gonna happen, I'm afraid." "I'll have a rum if I can't have chips." "Definitely not gonna happen." "Give my boy a rum." "No-one will know." "Soda water it is." "Well, this is a bit of a shambles." "(CHUCKLES)" "Well, Rae doesn't seem to mind." "Careful - or Zac will disappear into the night with her and get her knocked up, given his track record." "That is very much up to her." "Rae and I have a, um... friendly relationship." "With benefits." "Wherever possible." "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "We missed you today." "The races were always much more fun when you were there." "Don't go there." "He's a different boy now." "Seriously?" "You're sitting in George's house, telling me to get back with Robbie?" "I'm just letting you know you have other friends." "If things don't work out here." "GEORGE:" "Mostly you want to surround yourself with the people you love and who love you." "(TYPES)" "The ones who will have your back in case all of your food ends up on the floor." "Everybody!" "Hey, we are doing an outstanding job here." "This is gonna be a feast for the ages." "I'm telling you, we're gonna be talking about this for years." "Woody!" "Smiler." "I've got one question." "Yeah?" "While you're saying the find words, why are you standing in a puddle?" "Hey?" "(GUESTS MURMUR)" "ROBBIE:" "Another brandy, thanks." "I'm sorry." "I can't serve you." "Say what?" "I can't serve an intoxicated person." "I'm stone-cold sober." "But the drink is for your brother, who is not." "You're not even an actual bar manager, mate." "Still know the law." "(PHONE RINGS)" "What?" "How drunk is your brother?" "Oh, he's about a 7.5." "Why?" "So he can still do basic plumbing?" "Yeah, easy." "Why?" "Get him and his gear to the Turner place, now." "Alright." "We're leaving." "I want my brandy!" "No, you don't." "We're out of here." "Come on." "Chop-chop." "Keep the change." "BILLY:" "What you just did was the most awesome thing I've ever seen." "What's the word count now?" "784." "OK." "Uh, slight delay on the dinner front, in that the person who installed the dishwasher, who some, unfairly, are calling an idiot because he's not an actual plumber, he kind of did it wrong." "But there's an actual plumber here now so it's gonna be all sweet." "Jeez, George." "Sounds like a cock-up from beginning to end, mate." "Just as well I'm here to save the day, eh?" "(MUSIC AND CHATTER WITHIN)" "Just 16 more words, George, for the magic 800." "Just 16 more." "(LOUD POP MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO)" "(LAUGHTER)" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Uh, how's the column coming, George?" "Yeah, almost there." "(GIGGLES)" "Good to, um... (LAUGHS) ..good to know!" "(SIGHS) OK." "Stop being so bloody nice." "Just go out there and tell Robbie that he has to go." "You can thank us later for saving the day there, George." "I thought you might have wanted him to stay for dinner." "God, no!" "Why would I want that?" "He's the past." "You and I are the couple now." "The people you love - surround yourself with them... and they will see you right every... time." "Acceptably nauseating, I guess." "(DOOR OPENS) WOODY:" "Ah!" "And dinner, as they say, is served." "SONG: ♪ Oh, oh, oh" "♪ Twenty-four-hour party people" "♪ Oh, oh, oh" "♪ And the beat goes four to the floor" "♪ Oh, oh, oh" "♪ Twenty-four-hour crazy mental" "♪ Oh, oh, oh" "♪ And the beat goes four to the floor" "♪ Whoa, oh... ♪" "(BOTH LAUGH)" "(SINGS OPERATICALLY)" "Don't touch her, Monty." "Monty, now go!" "Thank you very much for having me." "Is he giving you a ride?" "No, I'm driving myself." "Yes, yes..." "May... maybe." "(LAUGHS) Hey!" "Bye!" "I broke a..." "Bye!" "Thank you for coming." "..I broke a cup." "That's alright." "See ya!" "♪ And the beat goes four to the floor... ♪" "I can't believe they tidied up." "None of the dinner parties in Sydney..." "No-one ever tidied up." "(SLOW BLUES PLAYS)" "Dance with me?" "Is that even possible?" "We'll figure it out." "Well, that was a bloody disaster." "Complete and utter bloody disaster." "And also possibly the best dinner party ever." "Possibly?" "Definitely." "You know what else?" "What?" "It's Sunday morning." "Which means..." "We survived." "As a couple." "That we did." "♪ Hey, down in splendour" "♪ Take a bow" "♪ Blinded in the white light" "♪ And the crowd" "♪ Die slowly in your arms" "♪ You're left to lie alone" "♪ And save your face of changing colour" "♪ And your smile of fading colour" "♪ 'Cause you'll never know another" "♪ Who will give you ever after... ♪"