"TANGO FOR THREE" "Have you heard that Carøe wrote a biology essay about menstruation?" "Have you heard that Carøe wrote a biology essay about menstruation?" " No, I've never heard that." " In sixth form." " To pull girls?" " Well, I was interested." " People talked a lot about it." " It's really cunning." " Exactly." " You would never have done that." "No, I wrote about sparrows." "It's true." "About little, Danish sparrows." "I didn't get anything out of that." "Susan is going to take tango lessons." "Really?" "Are you going as well?" "I'd love to, but I can't." "I've got football that day." "I can't do it either, then." "I've started on celebrity karate." " Celebrity karate." " Peter Gantzler is our coach." " Excellent." " Everybody's nice, apart from him." " Maybe we could dance together?" " Let's do that." "I'm in." " Good idea." " We'll take turns being the man." "Yeah, that's no problem." "You just take turns." "Isn't it great that I'm going to learn the tango?" " Let's have a go." " No." "Now?" " That's not tango, honey." " What is it, then?" "No." "Isn't tango more like this?" " Or what?" " And then you do this..." " Isn't it?" " You're a bit drunk, honey." " No, no." "I'm sorry." " Sit down, honey." "Oh, no." "Oh, no..." "Are you..." " What are you doing?" " Let's make love on the floor." " Let's go to bed." " No." "We never do this sort of thing." "I'd rather do it in bed." "I'll hurt my knees." " No, you won't." " Yes, I will." "And then I don't... no." "I don't feel like it." " We never do things like this." " Let's go to bed." " It's so boring." " Boring?" "Yes, it is." "Okay, we'll do what we always do." " I don't want to dance tango." " No, why should you?" " It's the girls' idea." " Carøe doesn't want to, either." " Quiet!" " Take it easy." "Sorry?" "It wasn't..." "I didn't say anything." "Go on." "Great, Christian." "He's a ham in a kung-fu outfit." "Stop!" " What did you say?" " It was a joke." "A joke?" "What did you say?" "That it's hard to respect a ham in a kung fu outfit." "Is that fun?" "That's a question of taste." "Damn it, Frank." "20 press-ups." "We don't fool around in martial arts." " All the way down." " Come on, Frank." " Five." " Come on." "But..." " Taxa Mike, get that foot off me." " What did you say?" "Did you say Taxa Mike?" "Hit the showers." "Now!" "The rest of you get down and do 50 press-ups." "Thanks, Frank." "Alright, Frankie?" "Alright, Frankie?" "What a pompous jerk." "It's not nice at all." "It's not supposed to be nice." "It's martial arts." "Let's go." "Have you heard that I'm going to work with Michael Laudrup?" "We're going to import wine together." "I'm going over there tomorrow." " Can I come?" " Why?" "I'm a huge fan of Laudrup." "I'd love to see his house." " And say hi." " You could drive me." "I'd drive to the end of the world to meet Laudrup." "Hi." "How was tango?" "It's the best thing I've ever tried." "I'm really psyched." " That's great." " Hi." "It just... it works." "I've been pure woman for an hour and a half." " It was so good." " Did Susan like it as well?" "Yeah." "We all loved it." " There was real tension." " Sexual tension?" " Totally." " Between you and Susan?" "Susan danced with Carøe, and I danced with the instructor." "And he was just..." "He really held me, you know." "Round my back." "And then he whispered to me   in broken Danish." ""Feel the soul of the tango" and so on." "So that I felt..." "I felt it deep down." " Was Carøe there?" " Yes." "Why don't you wait here, Frank?" " Can't I say hi?" " You don't know him." "I just want to say hi." "I'll bring a book, so I can sit and read." " It's a unique opportunity." " Yeah, but..." "Relax, okay?" "Take it easy, Frank." "Easy!" "I'll go in first." " Okay?" " Walk, then." " I can't wait." " Stop that." " Hi." "How are you?" " Hi, Casper." " Thanks for last time." " Likewise." " Michael." " Frank." "Is it true that you couldn't bring your wives to training camp?" " Yes." " Is it because of ejaculation?" "You can't give a maximum performance right afterwards?" "There's been a lot of focus on the issue of sex before a match..." " It's not scientifically proven." " Frank." "I have to stop you there, because..." "Michael and I have to talk about the wine thing." "Is that okay?" "Great." "Thank you." " Is it okay if I take a look around?" " Yes, of course." "MICHAEL, JULY 1971" "Cool  maybe we could get together and have some wine..." " Anytime." " Anytime." " Are you finished?" " Thanks a lot." " Nice to meet you." " You, too." " How do you get out?" " Like this." "See you." "That went well." "I've got high hopes for that." "Isn't he a nice guy?" "Casper, something terrible happened." "I accidentally broke a plaster figure in the hall." "Damn it, Frank." "Do you know what this is?" " It said "Michael, 1971"." " What did he start on in 1971?" " Come on." " Football?" "This is priceless." "Why did you have to break it?" " I just wanted to have a look." " What with?" "A hammer?" "I just have to do a new imprint." "He'll never find out." "What about Carøe's boy?" "We need to do a new cast, so we need a foot." " I thought we could use Anton." " My Anton?" "He's nothing compared to Laudrup." "He's a nice kid, but this is the foot of a football icon." " It's an emergency." " I don't give a shit." "Count me out." "I'm not lying to Laudrup's face." "That's really mean." "And what kind of friend   turns up to tango when he said he wouldn't?" "Have you seen José, the instructor?" "Have you seen José, the instructor?" "For girls at that age, it's like last rounds." "A Latino guy like him makes them go crazy." "Do you want me to send Susan there on her own?" "Frank." "I'm going home." "Honey, I've decided to come to tango with you." "Oh." "That's great." "I didn't think you were up for it." "Oh yes." "I just gave the idea a second thought." "When it means so much to you I'd like to go." "Do you think José will be disappointed?" " Disappointed?" " Well, you know..." " Oh, is that why?" " No, it isn't." " Are you jealous?" " No, I'm not jealous, honey." "I'm just marking my territory to that Latino monkey." " Thus far but no further." " That's great." " They're bloody good." " And I can eat them now." " I'm starting on tango." " That's probably a good idea." " To spice up your sexuality." " Yeah, Mia talked about that." "You're not the type who would do this and then do it on the table." " You'd fill the dishwasher first." " You might risk sitting on a fork." "Us Latinos don't think about forks." "We just go for it." "It'll be good, Frank." " How old do you think he is?" " Six or seven... eight years." "He's got the right age." "That's the kind of foot we need." " Go and make an imprint." " I wouldn't be allowed." " His mum is leaving." "Do it now." " I've got it in the car." " Hey." "Will you keep an eye on..?" " Yeah." "You look good." " Hi, Susan." " You came after all." " I dare not stay away." " Right, let's begin." " Hello." " Hi, I'm Frank." " José?" "I've heard about you." " This is your first time?" " Did you wear those shoes outside?" " Yes." " You have to take them off." " I didn't bring any spare ones." "If you wear those you risk leaving little stones and sand,   which will ruin both the floor and my shoes." "Okay?" "We'll start with the steps we did last time." "I'll show you once, and then you practise." "Let's try." "In with the leg  back, round and stop." "Excellent, Mia." "Okay?" "Your turn." " Just try." " Like this?" " Hold on properly." " Well..." " Okay, give it a try." " Like this?" "No, no, no." "Frank, Frank." "You're not giving her a pulse." "She needs to feel that you're ready." " It's passion, you know..." "Muy bien." "No, no, Frank." "Look." " It's my first time, José..." "Feet together." "I'm the man now, and you're the woman." "Grab her." "She needs to feel you." "Don't be scared   of pushing out your pelvis, if you know what I mean." " Okay?" "Can you feel it?" " I can definitely feel you." " Good." "Try it with her." " Are you upset?" " Come on." " Try and concentrate." "Didn't you enjoy it in the end?" " Not really." " With the music and all that?" "Why don't we do it here on the floor?" "Alright." "My knees hurt." "But I'll conquer the pain." "We're going Mediterranean now." "What is it?" "You smell a bit sour." "Something isn't quite right." " Let's have a bath first." " I don't want to do it now." "Do you want me to stick my tongue in something sour?" "No." "I'm just not turned on anymore." "Why can't you be more masculine and just..?" "I am masculine." "I've just been messing around on the floor." "I went to tango yesterday." "It wasn't very much fun." "When we got home   things got a bit erotic." "But Mia's privates were smelling." " Have you tried that?" " Was it salmon or lemon?" "Lemon... with a bit of salmon." "Alexander, listen." "Frank's girlfriend's privates are smelling." "Not entirely salmon-like." "More lemon." "With a hint of salmon." "They've started tango." "Do you think it's the dancing?" "Never mind..." "It's Frank's girlfriend." "They started tango, and now her pussy smells." " Is that normal?" " Jimmy doesn't want to hear this." "You can't put yoghurt in the pussy, if it's vaginal thrush." " Frank's girlfriend's pussy smells." " I've got my answer now." " More lemon than salmon." " Dwarfs don't like it." "Our heads are at that exact height." "It's really overwhelming." "I'm going over to Laudrup's in the weekend." "I need that foot." " A.s.a.p." " I'm on it." "Sensei." "I brought cream puffs in order to apologise   for my behaviour last time." " Why cream puffs?" " They're really good." " They're from Summerbird." " Is it because you think I'm a puff?" "Are you calling me a puff?" "First a ham and now a puff." "No, the cream puffs are meant as an apology." " 20." " What?" " Now you really are a puff." " 30 press-ups right now!" " Come on, Frank." " We're waiting, Frank." " Bye, Frank." " Hi, Alexander." "Hey, Christian, do you have a minute?" " Can I do an imprint of your foot?" " An imprint?" " What do you need that for?" " I'm doing a scrapbook." " With imprints of my best friends." " I'm honoured." " I need to take my shoes off, then." " Yes." " And then you need to stand still." " For how long?" "A minute." "... we'll take it from there." "Bye now." "I'm going over to Laudrup tonight, so I need that foot imprint now." "Find a child and make it step into some salt dough   or something like that..." "Right." "Time's up." "That's perfect." "Move your foot." "Yeah, that's excellent." "Thanks." "See you, Christian." "I thought... bye." " You have to choose..." " That one." " Whoops." " Give it to me." " I'm just teasing you." " Yes, I can tell." " Wow..." " It's tango shoes." " I must say..." " Aren't they great?" "A pair of high-heeled men's shoes." "I'm really happy that you've decided to go." "Thanks." "I'm going to try them on straight away." "I'll show that Argentinian troll!" "I'll show that Argentinian troll!" " Do they fit?" " Yeah, the size is perfect." " They've got much better grip." " And it's good with the heel." " Getting a bit higher." " Don't you feel more masculine?" "They're good." "Really good." " Hello?" " Hi, Casper." " We're practising the tango." " Oh." " Frank has only been once." " Well, he can hold the lady." "Wow..." "Oh, la, la." "Gosh, man!" " Good stuff." "The foot?" " Oh, yes." "I'm going over to Laudrup now." " It's really good." " Can I see?" "Do you know whose foot it is?" "Little Christian's." "The man?" "The little dwarf?" "Both." "Excellent." "Great, Frank." "Finally something is working out." "Iben said to say that there is this vaginal soap   called Vivag, which is good for vaginal thrush." " See you." "Bye, bye." " Bye." "Bye." "Thanks for telling Casper everything." " How many people have you told?" " Only Casper." "And Jimmy Jørgensen, Little Christian and Alexander Kølpin." "Thanks a lot, Frank." " It's good to know about Vivag." " I knew that already." " He's wearing shoes today." " José?" "That's great, Frank." "Okay." "Are we ready?" "Let's step on it." "Perdone." "It's loaded with parking attendants out there." " It doesn't matter." " I forgot to set the parking dial." " We're about to start." " I need to set the parking dial." "What are you doing, Frank?" "So now everyone has to wait for him?" "Perdone from me as well." " There was an attendant out there." " Was there?" "Right, I'm ready." " Did you wear the shoes outside?" " I went to set the parking dial." " And you were wearing those shoes?" " I didn't change..." " You can't dance in them." " The car is right outside." "I don't care." "I told you last time." "Didn't I?" "Listen, José." "The shoes are brand new." "I don't want to discuss it with you." "Take them off or leave." " What's it going to be?" " I'll leave, then." "Bueno." "Adiós, entonces." " You'll dance with me, Mia." "Okay?" " I prefer to dance with Frank." "Por favor." "Why do you want to dance with a dork like him?" "Because he's my boyfriend." "Do you want to dance with me or leave with your dork?" " I'll leave, then." " Mia, por favor." " You can dance with me." "Come on." " I'd like to dance with Frank." "You bought shoes for me, and then I have to take them off." " Honey, it's starting." " This is nice." " Look what I bought." " Wow..." "Summerbird." "I'll start from the bottom." "If you want to go to tango without me, that's fine." "I don't want to go to tango." "I've had enough tango in my life." "So have I." ""Michael Laudrup sells an imprint of his foot from his first match   to an Italian businessman for 100,000 kroner."" "Congratulations, Christian." "I didn't know your foot was so valuable." "Neither did I."