"You, uh... speaky..." "English?" "Do you?" "You stink." "You don't say." "Think maybe you could unsnare me?" "Better untie me." "Pardon?" "Ah, forget it." "God...dammit." "Where the hell am I?" " Barclay's Brush." " Where?" "In the Dominion of Canada." "Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse." " Bonjour." "How can I help you?" "Bullets." " Mon Dieu, we are... we are fresh out of bullets." "Um, perhaps I could interest you in some tea?" "A little, uh..." " "special tea"?" " As a matter of fact, we do carry ammunition." "What calibre, sir?" "Ah-ah-ah!" "No poaching." "My customer, my side." "You can't talk to him." "How clumsy of me." "I've spilled bullets all over the counter." "Good day, sir." "How can I be of assistance?" "I need cartridges, 45.40 Colt." "That will be $1.10, or a penny a bullet." "The thing is that I'm a lick strapped at the moment." "Maybe we could settle up this account" " a little later..." " Sorry, no credit." "Your rules." "Oh, I see." "It's okay when you break the rules." "But when I bend them just a little, we have to sever the partnership." "There is an enormous distinction between having a flexible policy on credit and contravening the law!" "Prohibition, Claude, means no liquor." " Salaud." " Thank you very much," "Mr....um..." ""The Montana Kid."" "I'll show you prohibition!" "Free drinks!" "Free whiskey for anyone on my side... to some stranger who smells" "like he came out the back end of a pig is a retail genius!" "Explain." "He walks out that door, you never see this bum again." "I'm not partial to insults." "But... seeing as one of you was clearly raised by a mother of a fiercely hideous countenance," "I am affected by a rare blush of... compassion." "Put me down for three more." "And one carrot." "Hey there, you two." "Either of you seen my mount?" "It's a chestnut with a Cheyenne roll on the saddle." "I left him just back..." "Whoa, steady on there, mister." "You just tell me, have you seen my animal?" "Jack collected a stray." "Blacksmith?" "Behind you?" "That's my horse." "I believe he's in pain." "Reckon so." "A stone bruise." "So first you thieve him, then deliver him to torment?" "I retrieved a stray." "I've shot men for less." "You need to reign in that temper, mister." "I ain't done." "He forged that hoof." "You ain't touching' him." "I don't got time for a common nuisance." " What did you just call me?" " A nuisance." "No, before that." "What did you call me?" " Common?" " Oh... you just stepped over the line." "Hey, whoa, whoa!" "What the he...?" "What kind of man would pick up another man?" "!" "Hey, you!" "Hey!" "I ain't finished with you, you big ape." " Swear to God, I ain't got..." " What the hell?" "!" "Get... your... gun." "I'm callin' you out." "I said I'm callin' you out." "Hey, what...?" "You mind telling that big ape in there I'm callin' him out here." "Jack!" "The windmill..." "Ah, there's no rush." "It'll take a couple of days to fashion the windmill." "Come on." "Jack says to tell you he can't oblige." "He's got no gun." " He's a liar." " Is not." "The man's an ironsmith." "And he's right." "You stink." "That man stole my horse." "He was trying to help." "You tell him to get a gun on his belt." "At sundown, we'll square this up." "He says not to be riding him for at least two days." "Sundown." "Your bottom is bleeding." "Yeah, I know." "Well, hello again." "I'd say a.36 calibre." "Am I right?" "I didn't get a good look at it on the way in." "Well, did you get a good look at what hit you on the head?" " Because that is a peevish gash." " Ah, God!" "Mother of Mary!" "Mary!" "Well, it's Dr. Angus Schiffron, actually." " Well, you can call me Mary, then." " Where's my gun?" "Hold on, Tex." "I still gotta patch up that gluteus." " Where?" " Uh, your gluteus, in your backside." "No." "Where is my gun?" "I appreciate you tending' to my wounds, doc, but I ain't got no money." "I always pull the first bullet out of a man's posterior pro bono." "It's a time-honoured tradition." "Now, if you just let me patch up that wound," " I can get..." " What did you do?" "I had to get to your injury, eh?" "You cut a man's breeches?" "Uh...uh, sir?" "That is not an area that braves infection with grace!" "Dammit." "Get outta my way." "I'll shoot ya." "Move, move." "Well, Mrs. Taylor, assembling the drive in that old windmill, it would be a chore even for a man well-versed in matters mechanical." "If you're referring to my husband, you know he's long gone." "No." "No, no, no." "I'm only saying that it's mechanically complex." "Perhaps you need..." " Pants!" "I need pants." " Do you mind?" "I'll just be a moment," "Mr. Montana." "Pardon my idiot partner's rudeness." "Can I offer you a splash of my best Scottish tea?" "And some delicious ground nuts?" "We specifically agreed that I was to sell the dry goods" " and you were to sell..." " Boys, please," "I have to get a crop in this season." "The part will have a pointy thing that goes in here." "Please?" "Very well, Mrs. Taylor." "Now, you have to give me a part name, so I know what to order." "You just need a shear pin, all right?" " Like you know." " Yeah, I do." "Now, pants." "What kind of trousers can we order for you today, Mr Montana?" "Order?" "No, I need 'em now." "That butcher up there cut my pants, on pro bono." "Yes." "Well, all our apparel is purchased on order." "What the hell kinda general store is this?" "They stock soap." "Soap and escargots." "Lots and lots of escargots!" "I specifically ordered tin nails and they sent me tin snails." "So do I absolutely need a shear pin, or can I just use a nail or something?" "You could use your nose, for all I care." "Talk has it that you're the Montana Kid." "That's right." ""Among America's most notorious gunslingers are:" "Wild Bill Hickok, John Wesley Harding and the Montana Kid."" "Are you that "the Montana Kid"?" "I reckon so." "Says here you killed six men." "Eleven." " You don't look like a kid." " Nicknames have a way of sticking." "Decades, even." "Ain't that right?" "I guess so." "Is it true you're proposing a gunfight today, with Jack?" "Sundown." " Showdown with the Montana Kid!" " Right here in Barclay's Brush!" "The town hasn't seen this much excitement since Larry accidentally set fire to his prized ewe!" "Can Jack duel with my Winchester?" " 'Cause he doesn't have one." " Hang on, hang on!" "What about mine?" "Mine's practically brand new." "See?" "What's wrong with you people?" "Yah, what's wrong with you?" "It's up to Jack, no?" "And he might like my shotgun best." "It's not a turkey shoot." "It's a gunfight." "He needs a pistol." "Where the hell are you from?" " Peterborough." " Moncton." " Uppsala." " Any of you got a Hog Leg like this?" "Well, that's a cattleman's revolver, isn't it?" "Ow." "A Peacemaker." "An Equalizer." "A Widowmaker." " Stop that." " Yeah..." " Well, does anyone got one?" " Mm-hmm." "When the cowboys ride through, they have pistols." "And rum." "But otherwise, um..." "No, truth is, I don't know anyone who has, uh..." " uh, what do call it?" " A Peacemaker!" "Stop it." "There's just not much call for one around here." "We got rifles for hunting', shotguns for birds." "Pistols, well, they're just for...you know." "Killing people." "Seems to me Jack not having a gun" " is your problem, not his." " Oh, my problem is you." " So why don't you just shoot him?" " Why don't I just shoot you?" "Same reason." "I'm unarmed." "So that is the code, isn't it?" " You can't shoot an unarmed man." " Mm-hmm." "I'm thinkin' I can make an exception." "Tell you what...shear pin," "I've got a pistol you can use." "I mean, it needs fixing, though." "The handle's cracked and the hammer's broke." "Fine." "And you don't get it for nothing." "Deal is, you get the gun if you help me get my windmill up and running." "Why don't you get your husband to get it up?" "Do you want your showdown or not?" "Hey, you wanna go back?" "By some direct conspiracy of fate, it seems you missed a bump." "Ow!" "That's it!" "That's it!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Stop!" "Whoa..." "Stop!" "Ah..." "I think we'll take it...by foot from here." "Suit yourself." "It's, uh, just over that ridge." "And stay off that horse." "Come on, Peaches." "What is it with these people, huh?" "No sidearms, a medico who shreds your clothing, a saloon with...teacups and catalogues, and that... woman." "A mouthpiece." "Hey, I'm not talkin' to myself here." "Get up with me." "Come on." "So what do you figure?" "How far are we from a real country?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right." "You're right, he'll be comin' for me." "Ten years of dogging' me..." "he's not gonna let a border stop him." "We'll make tracks as soon as we get things squared." "Well, you know, you're not so sweet-smellin' yourself, pal." "You got mealy old carrot breath." "Well, you do." "You stink." "Put your horse in here." "It should be safe." "Bunk in there." "There's an oil lamp" " just inside the door." " Outhouse is made out of dirt." "It was good enough for me and my husband for over a year." " Where's the gun?" " Time enough for that in the morning." "We had a deal and I want that gun... right now." "Keeps what's left of your pants on." "Here." "That's bad." "Why do you even bother carrying this?" "To frighten away bothersome folk mostly." "Pistol's not just for killing people." "It's also real good for scaring 'em." "This isn't scary." "Mother of Mary." " You sure that ain't dry?" " There's water!" "It's just deep!" "That's why this windmill's gonna be a godsend!" "See, I figure if we construct the windmill here, then the water'll be convenient to both the livestock and the crop." "Well, I'd..." "I'd put the... the windmill right here on top of the well." "That'd be the shorter straw, then you could pipe the water wherever you want...the house, the pens, out in the field." "You volunteering to lay all that pipe, shear pin?" "Oh, no, ma'am, no." "The deal was, just help build the windmill." "Well, then why don't you do that and run along." "Stow your ideas." "Mouthpiece." "What...what is this supposed to be?" "Meat?" "Argh, you know, it's really unpleasant to sit downwind of you." "What is that stench, anyway?" "Before they got to hangin' me, they cleaned my plow pretty good." "They lashed me to a stumping' post in a pig pen," "left me there for three days, waiting for him." "Who's him?" "There's a bounty on my head." "It's common knowledge north of the Mason-Dixon that there's a particularly hostile disfigured individual who's been huntin' for that reward for a long, long time." "So these folk thought it prudent that they'd wait, and then they would split the bounty with him." "After the lynching', the party got bored and they kinda wandered off, then the other half decided to proceed, but they didn't know nothing about a hanging, so they picked a dead tree." "So why is there a price on your head?" "Huh?" "You shoot someone who was tending to your horse?" "You shouldn't make light of what you know nothin' about." "Shoot!" "Ah..." "Well, good day, eh?" "You, uh, hoofing all the way in from Jane's?" "Yeah." "I started early." "Skipped breakfast." "It's funny you should mention that, because the missus would like to have you for dinner this evening." "The truth is, she is chomping at the bit to meet a bona-fide American gunfighter." "She's not plannin' on serving' that thing, is she?" "Uh, no." "Uh... but I reckon..." "Jane's cooking probably suits you just fine." " Shall we say 6:00?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "Isn't, uh, skinning' stuff kind of an odd pastime" " for a healer?" " Not really." "'Cause once a being's dead, it's nothin' but dead." "But I suppose you know that." " Whoa!" " Pardon me." "Oh, my, that's gonna leave a mark." "Hey, Mr. Montana, please, sidle on up to the counter." "Perhaps I can interest you in...this." "It's a, uh, full-bodied little number." "The bouquet's a tad intimidating..." " No, I just need..." " Oh, no, no, no." "It contains laudanum, don't you know." "A couple of these, you'll be baying at the moon." " You're selling spirits!" " Cough medication, Claude." " General stores sell cough medication." " Idiot!" "Look..." "I need a part for a gun." "It's a hammer for a Navy Colt.44 calibre." "And I need bullets." "Not that many." "It'd be a miracle if he gets off one shot." "Yeah, showdown with a.44!" " Stop it." " Mm..." "Oh, no, gimme those." "Gimme those." "I am warning you." "Unarmed!" "Shut up." "If you step out that door..." "Damn." "Just follow my finger to the..." "Okay, just follow my finger to the right." "Just follow my finger to the right." "My grandfather says he would be honoured to repair your pants." "He says you may wear a pair of his until yours are repaired." "Yeah, yeah." "Look, look." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Railroad workers." "My grandparents let them rest here between construction lines." "Giving food and shelter to these people is an honour." "They no speaky Englishy." "My grandfather says he would be honoured if you would use this tub for bathing." "It is that bad, isn't it?" "Never compromise a man's lifeline." "I'm sorry!" "Grandpa told me to give you food!" "I thought you were asleep!" "Hey, listen, listen, kid." "It's all right." "It's all right." "Honest." "Hey, look at me." "You know, that chow looks pretty good." "Do you think maybe you could get me a fresh bowl?" "Ladies." "Oh, don't start." " Why are you even here?" " Standing invitation every Wednesday." " Doc tells me we're dining partners." " Just great." " Nice blouse, by the way." " Okay, shut up." "Let's get this over with." "My mother wore something like that once." " Very funny." " Well, she did!" " Well, come on in." " Yeah." "Is that a blouse?" "Be sure to save room for dessert, Mr. Montana." "Beatrice brought a dish of her apple cobbler." " It is a treat beyond compare!" " Oh, it's nothing." "Beth is being humble in her praise." "She's the real baker in Barclay's Brush." "Come July, when the strawberries ripen, she makes a strawberry-rhubarb pie you'd simply kill for." "Beatrice." "Uh, how about the question of how many men you've shot?" "The Canadian Monthly specifically reports six." "It must be so exciting, living wild on the open range, happy and free, sleeping under a canopy of stars, every moment an adventure?" " The Wild West!" " Stop it." "Larry, we talked about this." "Please don't badger our guest." "Eleven." "I have killed 11 men." "And they each earned their bullet of their own accord." "I've been called out four times." "I've responded in self-defence twice." "I think duelling is incredibly romantic!" "Dear..." "Three men called me a cheat in a Kansas City card game." "And one time I came across a man beating a dog." "Bad." "I mean, real bad." "Gravy?" "But the first man I killed, well... the first man I killed killed my pa." "He had black eyes, black beard, black soul." "He and my pa got into it over an unbranded calf my pa knew to be his." "So they settled matters with fisticuffs and my pa gave him a whoopin'." "But as he rode away, that lying coward shot him in the back." "That is so sad!" "Yeah." "So the next day, I rode up to his porch." "I called him out, and my first shot punched him in the gut." "Now, if you know anything about killing..." "I'm sure you all do... you know that a gut shot is the ugliest way to do it." "Keeps you livin' just long enough to... to experience every second of pain." "And after an hour of him kinda whining' and moanin' and whimpering'," "I had it." "So I shot him right here." "That was that." "He was dead." "So then Jack will make it an even dozen." "He's not shooting Jack." "Yeah, I am." "I tell you what..." "I'd kill for some more potatoes." "Ah..." "Dang." "Good morning, sir!" "Corporal J.T. Kent," "Northwest Mounted Police, Fort McNeil troop." "And this is my liaison and guide, K'Wala." "People call me Two Dogs." " And?" " As per the standing directive of Her Majesty's government in the Dominion of Canada," "I am making the rounds of the southwest sector of our allotted region." "Thank you." "And?" "And, as part of my rounds," "I'm under instructions to check in with all adults... men...new men...and women... and households in my zone." "So...?" "So." " How's it going?" " Good." " Any problems?" " None." " Concerns?" " No." "Very well, then." "Sign here, please." "What is this?" "A rounds journal." "You sign it after I check in." " You ain't from around here, are ya?" " America." "Oh..." "Still have to sign." "We need your true full name, please." " Not a smuggler, are you?" " No." " Whiskey trader?" " No." " Horse thief." " No." "All right." "Good day, sir." "Oh, one more thing..." " Sean." " Sean?" "!" "How long will you be staying in Canada?" "I could leave by sundown, if you'd loan me that gun of yours" " for a spell." " Regrettably, I must decline, sir." "That would be a flagrant contravention of rule number 44 of the constables' code of behaviour, hygiene and equipment care." "That's, uh, rule 45, there, chief." "Okay." "Thank you, K'Wala." "Miss Taylor?" "You gotta remember to tie up your horse, there, chief." "Okay, K'Wala, just..." "Thank you." "Jonathan?" "Oh...no." "Ma'am." "Sean." "Two Dogs." "Hey, Sean, break's over." "Whoa!" "Come on!" "Come back!" "Hang on." "Hold on." "Here you go." " I'm gonna fall!" " You won't." "I won't let you." "Come on." "That's it." "I got ya." "See?" "You're gonna be okay." "That's bad." "Oh, Lord." " Ow." " Is it broken?" "Oh, I don't reckon so." "Pissing elks!" "It bleeding well is!" "I think I see why...you're so convinced" "I won't be shootin' that hoof-shaper." "You been conspiring' to cripple my gun hand." "If you'd been helping me like you promised," "I wouldn't have fallen." "That what happened to your husband?" "Did you accidentally kill him while he was tending' to the chores?" "It wasn't an accident." "What?" "It wasn't an accident." "I thought we came out here to start a farm and a family." "Turns out that put the fear in him." "Took to wearing that gun, swaggering around like some... dime-novel jackass." "He became a horrible drunk, too." "Then, one day," "I realized I could run the farm a hell of a lot easier by myself." "So I shot him." "You shot him?" "Yeah." "With his own gun." "Square in the gut." "Now, if you know anything about killing... and I'm sure that you do... you'll know that a gut shot is the ugliest way to do it." "Took him...hours to die." "Hmm..." "'Afternoon, Larry!" "Howdy, Jane!" "Hey, Sean!" "Better hop to it if you're gonna make it by 6:00!" "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!" "I'll see ya there!" "Aristotle said, "We are what we do repeatedly." " We do not act rightly because..."" " This ain't a social," " this is schooling'." " I never said it was a social," " I said "gathering."" " And it cost you two bits" " you paid to listen..." " Shhh!" "Mm..." "What is wrong with these people?" "The very truth of who we are as people is defined by what we do again and again." "Aristotle would say that since Larry farms every day, Larry is a farmer." "Far-mer." "Yes." "And one who teaches every day" " is therefore a teacher." " Tea-cher." "Aristotle would also say it is about who we are as people." "A man might claim to be virtuous, but he is not virtuous unless he consistently acts with great virtue." "Yes, Jack." "So let's say a man shoots 11 men and then he says each man deserves to die, according to, um..." " Aristotle." " A-Aristotle, is he still a common killer?" "What'd you just call me?" " Killer." " No, before that." " Common." " Yeah, that's it." "You just stepped over the line, again." "Outside." "Unarmed." "What is that?" "You cough, you say "unarmed."" " Do you think I can't hear that?" " Sean?" "Is there something you would like to add to this discussion?" " Kil-ler." " All right, stop." "That's enough." "Sean?" "Look," "I see fit to live by a code." "By a set of unspoken laws that men..." "real men...understand." "Now, just 'cause I got the mettle to stand up and make things square, that's not a reason to brand me common," "I don't care what that book says." "Common, uncommon, you're still a killer, and you're set on killing me." " He's not killing anyone." " Oh, yes," " I am." " Oh, believe him," "Mrs. Taylor, that gun'll get fixed and he'll call me out." "And we all know damn good and well that I don't stand a chance." "He'll shoot me dead." "And there's nothing uncommon about that." " I'll just be number 12." " Well, Canadian Monthly" " would technically make you seven." " At least I know I'll be going to a better place than you'll ever see!" "You don't know nothin' about me." "Darn it!" "I..." "I can see right inside you." "It's as plain as that Colt you like to wear on your hip." "Gun's a magnet for death." "Hell, some would say you're lookin' to die." "That's just wrong." "A gun is just a tool." "It's like... any other tool." "A tool designed for killin' people." " No, it's all what you do with it." " Well, yes." "But if a man walks into my shop with a shovel, I don't think:" "Oh!" " He might kill me!" " Shovel could kill you." "He could hit you on the head with it." " Or jab you." " You could say that about anything." " About a rock, even." " But nobody ever comes in with a rock." "Besides, a rock is not a tool." "Tell the Indians that." "They've been using rocks as tools" " for years." " Yeah, you could smash somebody" " in the face with a rock." " Or jab someone." " Can't stab somebody with a rock." " Tell the Indians." "They've been stabbing people with rocks for years." " What about a rope?" " Hitting and jabbing somebody" " with a rope wouldn't do anything." " Don't be so sure." "You could strangle someone with a rope." "You could take it and rub it over somebody's eye, pushing hard." "Tell me somethin'." "Is this entire country insane, or is it just this town?" " Seems you have quite a history." " Oh." "Oh, I see." "You've come to run me out of town." "You haven't broken any laws in this country." "And as far as we're aware, there are no extradition warrants out for your arrest." " So I'm free to go about my business?" " As for this... showdown with Jack everyone's talking about, you best know there are no duelling laws in this country." "We call it murder." "Don't you dare to even hurt her, Mr. Kid." "'Evening!" "Company's having a dance Saturday to welcome the new provincial constabulary to the area." "Opportunity to wear that lovely blue dress again, Miss Taylor." "That's so sweet that you remember, Jonathan!" "Well, not something you forget." "Well, thank you, Corporal." " I will definitely try to attend." " Okay." "Ah!" "What do you say, shear pin?" " Can you dance?" " Oh." "I'm sorry to disappoint, ma'am, but I intend to be a charming' memory by then." "Hope to see you Saturday." "All are welcome." "Sir." "Just... answer... question!" "Seen...him?" "!" "Seen him?" "!" "You find that distracting?" " Yes!" " I know I do." "I did." "Now, let me explain." "We are business folk." "We catch bad men." "And we get paid for our efforts." "That man in particular is worth a considerable sum to our enterprise." "I'm gonna ask you one more time." "Have you seen this man?" "He say we see no one!" "No one!" "No one, no one..." "She has." "Get her." "Oh, yeah, Cutler's on our trail." "I can feel him." "We gotta change tack." "All right, here's the plan." "We'll ride east... and then south." "When Cutler picks up the scent, which he will, he will start northwest." "He always sweeps northwest." "Why?" "Because he is stupid and he is predictable and, well... ever since I shot his ear off, he kinda...he kinda leans to the left." "What?" "All right, all right, all right, all right." "We will stay just...just a little bit longer, but it has got to be said..." "It has got to be said, Glue, that you are getting very soft." "I mean, very, very soft." "Yes." "You know, nothin' should surprise me around here, but that is a, uh...peculiar perch upon which to take one's evening coffee." "Ah." "You're all right?" "Well... it's a nice spot." "I feel safe up here." "It's where I'd come when Stewart got drunk." "Yes." "Yeah, that part was true." "Oh." "And when he got real mean, I'd just pull the ladder up and wait." "He'd be too liquored to climb up after me." "In the months before he left for good... he'd say that I wasn't even worth the effort." "Do you like that?" "Not even worth the effort to beat." "What Jack said in the schoolhouse..." "Well, was he right about you?" "Are you looking to get killed?" "What would one wear to a Northwest Mounted shindig?" "Oh..." "You look..." "You look very..." "The cart's ready." "You look rather presentable yourself." "But I was growing quite fond of the Oriental look." "Well, thank you." "I had to eat an entire crate of snails before CarI'd give me the loan of this." "I don't know if that makes me flattered or alarmed." "Sorry." "Pardon me." "It's my father's." "'Evening, Miss Taylor." "So pleased that you could attend." "Why, thank you for inviting us, Jonathan." "Us?" "Ah, General." "Oh, uh, hello, Sean." "Good that you could come." "Aren't you lookin' right regal." "You know, it's a particular breed of man who can carry off an outfit like that." "So, Corporal, did... you want to show me the dance floor?" "It's an old saying, but true nonetheless:" "You dance with who brung you." "So, you two, please, be my guests." "We'll chat later." "Hello, Beatrice!" "Hello, Larry!" "Oh, howdy, Jane." "Sean." "Wow, aren't you two a sight." "I'm so pleased to see you both." "It's all I could do to tear him away from that damn stump." "Hey, American." "Oh, I see you brought your pie." "You armed?" "I've got pie." "'Cause you know it's against the law for a foreign national to carry a weapon in Her Majesty's military posts." "Yeah, I heard." "Hey, whoa, mind the haunch." " No gun." " You know what we do to murderers who ride up into our country?" "I never committed murder against no man." "I thought you Canadians were supposed to be polite." "Ten hut!" "Ooh." "Howdy, General." "What's happened here?" "Just a little Northwest warning to our guest...sir." "Warning?" "This man is under no legal restriction here." "Corporal, he's the Montana Kid." "Best send his type a clear message... sir." "Not on my watch." "It's not just about rules, Jonathan." "Why don't you go cross-reference the troop manifest or... something?" "Mr. Lafferty, would you like to register a formal complaint against Constable Hughes?" "I would be happy to issue a statement as your witness." "No." "Only thing I'd like to register is, he hits like a girl." "Then, this unfortunate incident... is closed." "Now pick up that pie." "Corporal?" "General?" "Jonathan, come here." "On behalf of the superintendent and all officers under his command," "I want to apologize..." "I need your help here, Jonathan." "Would you, uh...take over for me?" "I fear that Mrs. Taylor here will be plenty disappointed." "I banged my knee up on a little, uh... alfresco dancing lesson." "Y...yes." "Uh, yes." "It would be my honour and privilege." "Mm..." "Mm, laudanum." "Ma'am." "'Evening, Jack." "'Evening." "How goes the repairs on that old Patterson?" "It's coming along just fine, Jack." "That was the most fun I've had in a long, long, long, long time." "You know, you are looking pretty spry for someone with a...banged-up leg." "You know, what you did back there was very kind." "Some might even say... it was noble." "Again, I, uh..." "I wanna thank you for inviting me to your stomp." "I should tend that horse." "You're unarmed," "Montana Kid." "Jane..." " You don't wanna start this." " Yeah, I do." "I think it's best that you yield, and take it..." "like a man." "Ah...g'day, Sean." "Are you really tryin' to get rid of that big old beast, or you just dodging' the missus?" "I've been keen to get rid of her." "The stump, I mean." "Think I might be able to give you a hand with that." "Ah, thanks, Sean." "Yeah..." "Hell, yeah." "That would be greatly appreciated." " Good morning, Sean." " Good mornin'." "Good morning, Sean." "Great fun last night." "But it looks like they took your gun at the fort." " It's a shame." " Uh, no, they didn't, actually." "I guess I just forgot to strap it on." "Jack." "Hoof looks good." "'Afternoon, Miss Alice." "Good day, Jack." "We are what we do, Sean." "A blacksmith smiths iron." "I..." "I made dinner." "I thought maybe...we could eat in my cabin." "No, thank you." "I'm gonna be ridin' out in the morning." "I thought that maybe... you'd wanna stay a bit." "You thought wrong." "Everyone around here did." "We had a deal." "Hey!" "You get your gunfight after my windmill is up and running." "You tell me why." "I mean, why can't you just..." "let it go?" "'Cause I can't." "'Cause if I let it go now, then..." "I should've let it go when them three guys in Missouri called me a cheat." "And you tell me, they died for nothing?" "And if I let them guys in Missouri go, then..." "I should've let it go when that man was whuppin' that dog." "Now, does that sound right to you?" "Beatin' on a helpless dog?" "If I was able to let that man go for beating' on that mutt, then... there sure as hell is no reason..." "I couldn't have just walked away when I was called out in Wyoming, or Santa Fe and... twice in Arizona." "If I was so damn smart to walk away when I was called out, then I should've had the wherewithal to not use my gun in self-defence...twice." "And if I should've been able to avoid that, then there's no arguable reason why I couldn't have just gone to the sheriff... instead of killin' that man that whupped my pa." "I thought he shot your pa." "Just beat him up." "Broke his jaw and a bloody nose, but..." ""Taught a common thief a lesson," he said." "How do you like that?" "Common." "He was anything but common." "He was my pa." "When I shot that man..." "like it or not, this is my path." "This is what I do." "And I am what I do." "Oh, no, no." "No, no, no." "Hi, Sean." "Your clothes look nice." "Oh, Miss Adell," "I reckon we're lookin' at the Montana Kid." "Get it on your belt." " You go home." " But... why?" "I said go home now." "All right." "You did a hell of a job, I'll give you that." "This was a mess." "Put it in your belt." "When you pull back, don't jam your thumb in the hammer." "You'll blow your nuts off." "Sage advice, but I don't think that..." "I said get in the house now!" "Just plain mean, you son of a bitch!" "Yeah... now you're gettin' in the spirit." "All right... throw down." "You'll kill me." "I said draw, Jack." "Well, what about Jane?" "Look about you, Jack." "People around here been hankerin' to see a man shot dead in the street." "Best not disappoint." "So... pull your weapon." "Pull it." "Pull it." "Point it!" "Cock the hammer." "Cock that gun, or I swear the next one'll blow your head off." "Pull it." "Do it!" " Do it!" " I am!" "Pull it harder!" "I am!" "It's stuck!" "Goddamn." "It was workin' fine" "last night." "I don't..." "The short stroke?" "Did you pull the hammer all the way back?" " Yes." " Well, maybe..." "Sometimes these conversions, they get kinda fiddly." "Get all grimed up, you know, with..." " Oh!" " Oh, there we go." "Oh, you have got to be kidding me." "There's more in there." " Bullet fragmented." " I'm really sorry, Jack." "Doc!" "What happened?" "!" "Oh, thank God." "I thought you..." "You shot Jack?" "!" "You no-good, poxy, bilious..." "Ja... son of a weasel!" "Whoa!" "Hey!" "Just..." "Hey..." "Stop." "Stop." "Stop it." "Stop it." "This was an accident." " An accident?" " Yeah." "Oh, thank God." "Oh, yes, imagine my relief at being shot in the ass... by accident!" "Wait a minute." "This puts you square with Jack." "Code-of-the-West-wise." "Mm, I suppose so." "Suppo..." "You suppose?" "!" "You shot me in the ahhh!" "What?" "What is it?" "Horses and guns." " That's bad." " Who is it?" "Do you know them?" "Ben Cutler, bounty hunter, murderer, tenacious bastard." "I'm surprised you haven't read about him in Canadian Monthly." "There's four of them, you damn fool." "Are you that good?" " I don't know." " Run." "I want you to go." "Please." "Please." "Alrighty." "Give me 15 minutes and send them in the same direction." "I'll lead them outta here so far, they won't come back." "And don't leave this house." "Come on, you deaf mule." "I'm doing the clicking thing." "Come on." "They're lyin'." "Montana Kid was seen wearing Chinaman clothes." "Get outta here, both of you!" "He's here all right, Ben." "Name's written in this here book." "All right..." "No more lies." "Where is he?" " Go..." " Where is he?" "!" "Spit it out!" "Jane!" "D...don't!" "We are business folk." "And I will not abide... by anyone's purposeful undermining of our venture." "So I'll start with the Chinaman." "If I don't get satisfaction, we will work our way through his family, one by one, until I do." "Question is plain." "Where's the Montana Kid?" "Kick it." "Anyone touches that chair, and I'll put a bullet in your other ear!" "Calm down, there, ma'am." "He's long gone." "Days ago." "Why don't you go back from where you came?" "She's lyin'." "Kick the chair." "Don't!" "I count four, Ben." "You want gunplay?" "!" "Is that what you want?" "!" "I will bleed this town till I find him!" "Oh no." "Ben!" "No more." "It ends here." "Doc, Jane, everybody...put your guns down." "We can do this!" "There'll be no more killin'." "Not one shot." "I'm going with you." " We...we can't let you do that, Sean." " Yes, you can." "I've run long enough." "I've seen enough blood spilled on my account." "You tell your boys, Ben, we're done." "Done shooting'." " I'm comin' with you." " It's a trick." "Get the leg irons." "Doc?" "Well, Jane, he...he wants to go, eh?" "Okay, then." "On the count of three, everyone lowers their weapons." "One... two... three." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Cease fire!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Stop!" "Cease fire, I said!" "Cease fire!" "Hold it!" "Cease fire!" "Three!" "I said three!" "No, no, no!" "Down, down!" "Go around!" "Get behind him!" "Rats." "Sean!" "Sorry!" "Here he comes!" "Oh!" "Damn!" "Grandpa!" "Sean!" "Stay back." "Just...hold it!" "I have gone to considerable effort here to head off any killing' today." "Ben, we been doin' this for too long." "Ten years...too long." "Me chasing' you, you chasin' me, and, well, me... shootin' that ear of yours almost clean off your head." " I'm disfigured!" " Yeah, I..." "I know." "I'm sorry." "But, you know, what's done is done." "Enough's enough." "Except if you kill her, you know damn well I'll shoot you dead." "And I..." "I really don't want it to come to that." "Uh...you know, I'm... trying to...to change, to not be doing these..." "the things that I used to do the way I did them and to try and... change into becoming' that person that I'm gonna..." "What?" "!" "Forget it." "It's complicated." "And you..." "You pull that trigger, and you'll pray you never did." "Killin' a man's not something you can undo." "It'll eat at you." "Till you hate everything about that one moment in time." "Including me." "I couldn't live with that." "So please..." " You ain't worth the bullet." " Oh, ho-ho." " She is most definitely worth a bullet." " Hey!" " No, I didn't mean that way..." " You, on the other hand, are worth 4,000 dead or alive!" "This time I think it prudent... to go dead." "Oh!" "Christmas crackers!" "You supposing' we're square now?" "!" "Yeah." "Yeah, I reckon so." "Good." "Now you can finish patching' up my whatchamacallit." " Gluteus." " Damn right." "Come on." "Huh?" "Ah, the gunfight?" "You had the gunfight!" "Ah, no!" "Would you...?" "I missed it!" "I missed it!" "Son of a...!" "Each of you has a writ of expatriation and a notice of intent to charge and detain." "Writ of what?" "It means I will graciously escort your smelly hides out of the country, and if you even think of returning, will show you one of Her Majesty's... hoosegows!" "What's a hoosegow?" "Shut up." "Hoosegow." "What the hell's a hoosegow?" "Thank you." "I guess this is the part where you become a charming memory." "Not quite." "Uh... turns out there's a fair bit of debt that has to be satisfied before I can leave this, uh...this town." "I owe for... nine bullets, one teacup, one shear pin, one case of snails, one carrot," "Iaundry and sewing services... four horseshoes, one portrait of a ugly lady, one bag of cats..." "Wait a minute." "Oh, that's oats." "One gluteus bullet extraction... mine was gratis, but not Jack's, apparently... and, uh...the repair of roughly 100 bullet holes." "It could take some time." "Frankly, I don't see how I got saddled with the cost of the shear pin." "It's your windmill." "Yeah!" "Do I still get your horse?" "What is wrong with you people?"