" I never kiss and tell." " Yeah, right." "All right." "My ball." " Seven ball, corner pocket." " All right." "What about Ann Weisler?" " What about her?" " Couldn't keep that a secret." "You're the only person I told." "What happened that night will die with me." "I love the Ann Weisler story." "Making love on the beach in Del Mar, getting tangled in the k elp." " Kelp is sexy." " Okay, like I said, I didn't tell anybody." "Pindar's not anybody." "What about you and Hanna?" "Nothing happened with me and Hanna, okay?" "Your husband said, "You knew who I was when you married me" after you confronted him." "That's an admission of guilt and will trigger the infidelity clause against him." " I don't want things to get nasty." " Let's hope they don't come to that." "You can catch more flies with honey." "Ready?" " Mulligan." "Thanks, buddy." " You got it, buddy." "Karp's coming." "By the way, did I tell you?" " I actually breed Portuguese honeybees." " Why don't we step into my office?" "Surprise!" "Happy birthday!" "You do not look 50." "There, I've said it." "That's because I'm not anywhere near 50." "Birthday?" "I thought that was in September." " It is." " It wouldn't have been a surprise then." " What's this?" " This is from us." " And the firm chipped in for all of it." " Stanton." "Thanks, Stanton." "And who is this?" "Oh, this is Maya Paxton." "She's what we call a client." "We're handling her divorce." "You'd think with my name somebody would put a beverage in my hand." " Derek." "How's your wife?" " Wonderful." "Come on." " Maya Paxton." " Yeah." "Wife of Rick Paxton." "Guy who climbed Everest alone, ballooned solo around the globe." "Swam the English Channel." "Guy is a walking cologne commercial." "Paxton also owns a significant video-game company." "For now." "We'll take care of that." "I don't know how many of you will have jobs tomorrow..." " ... but you should get back to them." " Damien, loosen up!" "It's almost your birthday!" "Hey." "Here's the thing." "Let me give you a little tip here." "Girls like a guy who know how to have fun." "Lots of fun." "See, I want this to be a good horse race between you and me." "But right now, I'm just pulling ahead." " I'm way out there." " Way ahead." "Yeah." "That's a very cool guitar." "Do you mind if I...?" " Sure." " Thanks." " Need a pick?" " Sure, I'll use your plectrum." "Plectrum." " That's beautiful." "Absolutely." " That is beautiful." "Did you write that?" "Needs a tuning." "Thank you, Jared." "I'm gonna get back to my desk." " You should tune it." "You should tune it." " You should tune it." "All right, let's do this!" "Boys, you might wanna back up." "I don't feel so good." "Get somebody shorter." "I'm gonna be sick." "If you puke near me again, I swear, I will take off your head." "Just do it!" "Just do it, then!" "Awesome!" "All right." "Pay up." "If this private-investigator thing doesn't work out..." " ... there's always Special Forces." " Thank you." "I get a cut of that." "Let me ask you, if you were a chick, would you go for me or Karp?" " Karp." " What?" "What?" "He's got the Porsche, Wilshire condo, the Soho House membership." "Okay, you are one vapid chick." "I don't even want to date you." " It's moot." "I'd be boning Karp." "Go ahead." " I wanna see other people." " Is that...?" " Everybody's AII-American!" "Danny Dubois." "Double D." " Yeah." " Yeah!" "How great is this place?" "After 10 years, you can still cruise it..." " ... and know something's happening." " Great." "We should move." "Well, Double D heard that." " Did the thing with the face." " Let's move in together." "That wouldn't be awkward at all." "We heard you were some hedge-fund guy in Connecticut." "Yeah." "Just out here visiting family." " Sure you don't want a drink?" " No, thanks." "I do need a lawyer, though." "Last week, I got caught up in a brawl." " Like a brouhaha?" " I don't know." "At a strip club." "There were fists and teeth flying." "A donnybrook." "Sweet." "So I thought I'd throw a little business your way and since Bash here is tapping the DA..." "We broke up." "That sucks." "We're with Infeld Daniels now." "We don't really do donnybrooks." "So give us a call when you start embezzling pension funds." "Nad." "Still a wiseass." "Don't call me Nad." "Danny's a tool." "He was a tool back then." "He's a tool now." "He's a big tooly tool." "Is this about the shower thing?" "Oh, come on." "That was 15 years ago." "Yeah." "Fine." "You know what?" "We'll do it." "Any excuse for you to see your ex." "Danny was at home when his buddy Mike Cromwell called from the club." " He needed backup, so he called Danny." " So why call the cops?" "Danny ends up getting his ass kicked while Mike hid behind the bar." " Guess who gets charged." " Your client." "Look at the report." "Everyone was throwing punches." "Including your client." " Sitting this one out, Jared?" " Just the meetings involving you." "He's got no record, and there's no way to tell who started the fight." "I'm reading." " Stop biting your lip." " Stop looking at me." " She knows that's a strong move." " Sometime today." "Okay." "Talk." "The club manager has no interest in pursuing this." "It's not my case." " It's been assigned to Ellen Swatello." " No, she hates us." "She hates everybody." "I'll talk to her, see if I can get her to reduce charges." "Thank you." "You're just being cruel." " Stop." " What?" " Okay." "Let's begin." " You knock it out first." "Even though this is an arbitration and the evidentiary rules are relaxed the rule of law still applies." "All right." "Can we just do this, please?" "Sure." "How about ladies first?" "My client, Maya Paxton, is seeking a divorce for loss of consortium." "Mr. Paxton lost interest in his wife." "They haven't had sex in eight months which suggests that he reverted to his old ways." "We're gonna show that Rick violated the infidelity clause." "That's not true." "Interesting theory." "I don't suppose you have any proof?" "Aside from the fact he's grown tired of sleeping..." "Glenna!" "Unless you wanna get sanctioned, I wouldn't finish that sentence." "We're working on the proof." "We'll find it." "Trust me." "When someone cheats, I find out eventually." "Because of Mr. Paxton's sexual history dual infidelity clauses were instituted, punishing both parties." " I'm aware of that." " It's hard for my client to have sex if she's always doing her home-shopping show." "It's even harder when her husband's crossing the Atlantic in a balloon." "Assuming he didn't have his girlfriend in the balloon." "Now, hold on." "Now, it's one thing to say that I cheated on Maya." "It's another to say that I cheated on my solo flight." "Wow, so glad to see you have your priorities in order, Rick." "I mean, God forbid you'd cheat on a balloon." "Your Honour, I believe the prosecution, who, by the way, looks radiant today has a motion to reduce the charges?" "I'm aware Mr. Bash spoke to my happily engaged colleague, Janie Ross." "She went for your knees there, bro." " Unsportsmanlike conduct, Your Honour." " It does seem a bit personal." "Thank you, Your Honour." "Evidence has come to light that requires a charge be added:" " Driving under the influence." " DUl?" " Come on, this was a little..." " A donnybrook." "Which your client drove to drunk." "We have footage of the defendant driving recklessly..." " ... across a golf course, up to the club." " I drove up in a golf cart." "The police took everyone's blood alcohol." "Mr. Dubois' was above the limit." "Did you charge everyone who drove to the club with dui?" "Just the ones who punched the officer." "He wasn't wearing a uniform." "I didn't mean to punch him." "I didn't mean to punch you." "It would've been helpful if you mentioned that detail to us." "Assault charges gone." "Drunk-driving charges added." "Wow, I didn't see that coming." "Did you, Mr. Bash?" " What kind of stunt was that?" " Look who's whining about stunts." "I'll see you guys at trial." " What is her problem?" " What is your problem?" " You asked." "You asked the question." " Why did you...?" " Hi." " Hi." "Eight years and I still deal with imbeciles like you two while your suck-up Janie who's been here half as long, gets bumped up to Major Crimes." "Yeah, okay." "Have a nice day." "Why can't I find a woman like that?" "What's going on?" "If the cop's pissed, why don't they stick with the assault?" "If they charged you and not everyone we'd argue selective prosecution." "Now they go after you." "They're gonna ask for jail time." "If you're convicted, they'll get it." "Guys, I had two beers." "I wasn't drunk." "Where were you when you got the call to go to the club?" "I was kicking it at home." "When you say " kicking it"..." "Feel free to join us in this decade." "...where would that be?" "That's not a tough question." "Where were you?" "I live with my grandmother." "I got in the game just as the economy tanked so I was the last hired and the first fired." "Couldn't keep the condo, so I came here." "Are you gonna be able to pay us?" "I was kind of hoping you had a pro bono policy." "Bro bono." " Hey, Nana." " Hey, Danny, come on." "We got to get to the market." "We miss free samples after 5." " If I get a dui, do I lose my licence?" " Yeah, probably." "For a while." "I drive my grandmother and her friends to the doctor and errands." "I thought it'd be a pain in the ass, but turns out they keep me young." " Danny!" "Come on." " All right, all right." "For God's sake, come on." "Admit it." "You're happy that Danny's fallen on rough times." " He was a dick to you in high school." " That's not true." "There, but for the grace of God, go I. If I were a douche." "Hey." "What happened?" "Your colleagues only succeeded in getting Rick and his lawyer angry." "And what a raging bitch." "Your husband's a public figure." "He wants the divorce quiet." "Blowing up the arbitration and taking this to public trial is sound legal advice." "It just lacks human compassion and puts money into our firm and theirs." "I appreciate the honesty." "Could use a little bit of that in my life." "Thank you." "Anytime." "We're open three days a week." "You are determined to get us fired, aren't you?" "A stripper saw Danny break up the fight." "Why not put her on the stand?" " Jurors don't like strippers." " You know who they love?" "Old people." "Talk to Danny's grandmother and her friends." "See if they noticed Danny was sober." "I love old people." "I tried to live in a retirement home once." "They're clean, there's no stigma to being housebound and the food is delicious." "Let me handle this." "Just keep your eye on the ball." "I got a call from Maya Paxton." "She was impressed with your candour this afternoon." "Me?" "Not so much." " Hi, Pindar." " Hello, sir." " You upset?" " We're not the poverty law centre." "We're actually in this to make a profit." "However, Maya liked you so much she wants you on the Paxton arbitration." " With Hanna?" " I need him on the assault case." " Damien can fill you in with the details." " Or Hanna." "Probably Hanna." "Yeah." "Is there something I should know about those two?" " No." " Really?" " No." " There's been some talk." "I don't listen to that kind of stuff." "Really?" "All right." "We all together?" "I am, of course, Pindar Singh." "I wish I could be there with you today, but I'm stuck in London." " That's bullshit." " Get out of here." "Bullshit." "I want to thank you all for coming today." "Whatever we can do to help my grandson." "Okay." "You live at the Palms." "Stellar facility." "Not as nice as Coldwater Creek, but a much nicer piano." "I hate the parrot in the lobby." "Nasty bird." " I'm sorry." "Who said that?" " Me." "I hate birds." "Me too." "Did you know that birds carry more germs than rodents?" "I used to shoot them till the home took away my Second Amendment rights." "Perhaps we can kill birds together someday, Ms...?" " Nanette." " Nanette." "How much did Danny have to drink that night?" "We were watching Ice Road Truck ers and Danny dropped by after his run." "We tend to congregate in my room." "Best TV in the village." "Nanette is talking!" "Thank you." " Hi." " Hi." "How much did Danny have to drink?" "He was on his second beer when the phone call came from his friend." "There any way to back up your recollection that Danny only had two beers?" "Well, I still have four beers from that six-pack in my fridge." "Would that help?" "Doesn't hurt, Nanette." "Pindar." "The plans for my dream house were drawn up before I even met Maya." "If there's any dream involved here, it's mine." "Rick can have it." "Ain't no thing." " I don't want it." " Maya, we didn't agree to this." "Jared and I discussed it on the way over and the house is a disaster." "Well, fine." "Then Maya can have the cabin in Aspen." "I mean, she's the skier in the family, or was the skier." " How did you let this happen?" " Me?" " Yeah." " Let's keep moving." " We can be done in an hour." " Great." "I'll make a tee time for 2:00." " Hey, wait a minute." " Yes." "Everybody just needs to stop being so..." " Decent?" " This is a complicated case." "There are irreconcilable differences." "Like the fact that Mr. Paxton is cheating on his wife." "Oh, absent proof." "I don't see how you think..." "We got phone records, e-mails and those pictures are pretty clear evidence of a relationship." "Your client's little transgression just triggered item five to the tune of $60 million." "Fine." "I raise you another $60 million." "Wait a minute." "Both sleeping with the same mistress?" "How very green of you." "Put them together, it's fun." "Yeah." " Why didn't you tell us?" " It's not what it looks like." "Question for the scary lady." "That one." "Why are we seeing this crap now?" "Why are we just seeing yours?" "We just learned about it." "Please." "And if you hadn't spent so much time trolling the sludge to get a payoff she doesn't deserve we wouldn't have been forced to counter your story with ours." " It's a draw, people." "Let's go home." " It was a kiss goodbye." " I didn't cheat." " I know." "We're the last of a dying breed." "You dumped me." "Why am I the one who cheated?" "Hanna and I didn't have sex." "Let's put that to bed." "Okay, since both clients violated the infidelity clause your client isn't entitled to 60 million." "Fine." "Maybe I did cheat." "But that doesn't mean I don't love you." "Maya." "That sounded a lot like an admission of an affair." " He said "maybe. "" " What were you thinking?" " I can't believe you." " Carmen?" "You want me to find who's cheating." "You couldn't possibly have known I was gonna ask you that." "I'll take care of it." "Just..." "Where'd everybody go?" "You'll be great." "Don't be nerv ous." "I'll be fine." "You've walked me through my testimony seven times." "Leave me on for the trial." "Did you bring the remaining four beers?" "They're right there next to you." "Your Honour, I'd ask that these beers be marked as " Defence Exhibit C."" " So marked." " How do you know these are the beers?" "Oh, I don't drink, but I always keep a six-pack in the fridge for Danny." "So sweet." "Now, I assume the prosecution will attack your memory based on..." "My age." "You can say it." "I'm 74." "The Moon is Blue." "William Holden and David Niven." "Written by F. Hugh Herbert, directed by Otto Preminger, in 1953." "Nanette has memorized every movie for the past 60 years." "Miss Swatello, care to challenge her memory?" "Your Honour?" " Leprechaun." " Nice." "Written and directed by Mark Jones in 1993 starring Warwick Davis and a young Jennifer Aniston." "It's a parlour trick." "It doesn't show her ability to remember relevant details in a given moment." "Which is why I brought this." "With the court's permission, I'd like to blindfold Nanette to prove her recall." "Granted." "Nanette the juror in the back row second from the right, what's she wearing?" "Tangerine top, almost matches her hair." "How about the DA, Miss Swatello?" "Grey pants, grey jacket, even her shoes, everything is grey." "The mural behind me, what is it?" "Native Americans greeting settlers at the Pacific Ocean." " And what are they holding?" " Corn." "Corn." "Excuse me." " Hi." " Can I help you?" "I've got a house I want to build." "I hear you're good at drawing them." "I'd love to help you, but..." "A kiss goodbye while waiting for my car." " Frozen, it looks like something else." " Yeah." "Frozen." "Well, it looks hot." "Maya and I met on the plans when Rick was out of town." "Seriously, it was nothing." "And was this nothing too?" "Look, I never slept with Rick." "One time, we almost..." "You know, I could subpoena you to tell us." "And I could sit there and keep my mouth shut." "Or I could make stuff up you wouldn't like." "Your memory is impressive, but I'd like to challenge you one more time." "Do you remember where you were the night of May 6, 1998?" "Objection." "What's that have to do with events on August 2nd?" "It's the date Nanette Norton was convicted of prostitution." " Miss Norton has never been..." " Miss Norton wasn't." "But Nancy Blesoe was." "Or was it Miranda Cain?" "You've had several aliases, haven't you?" " Yes." " Oh, my God." "My Nanette's a whore." "But I'm not lying about Danny." "He only drank two beers." "Due respect, but everything about you is a lie." "You've been convicted of credit-card fraud, kiting cheques and three other prostitution convictions." "I'm starting to think today's not the first time you were asked to be blindfolded." "Was it?" "So Allison was in love with Rick Paxton, but not Maya?" " That's one for the home team." " Not so fast." "Maya was in love with Rick Paxton, but Paxton wasn't in love with her." "They never even had sex." "They almost did but didn't." "She didn't say why." "When Maya confronted Rick about having the affair with Allison he basically admitted it and now she's saying they didn't?" " Why would Allison be lying?" " Maybe she's not." " Think he is?" " Paxton is admitting to an affair so he can lose $11 million." "He's a guy." "A guy's accused of cheating, his first instinct is to lie." "Rick's first instinct is to admit it?" "Maybe he was being honest about what happened when they were together instead of lying about it." "He's hiding something." "You getting a blip on the gaydar?" "The guy's a notorious international womanizer." "Hell, he markets himself that way." " Then what?" " What do men lie about?" " Money." " Size." " Everything." " Girth." "A little angry." "All right?" "You're in the right ballpark." "As Rick will tell you it's not the size of the balloon, it's whether you get it off the ground." " Spare us the analogies." " He couldn't get an erection." "If he was willing to pay off the prenup to keep his business private then how are we gonna get him to admit to it?" "This is why you hire us." "My sweet old lady turned out to be a hooker." "Who doesn't have one of those in their lives?" " Makes me want to play a song." " That's unfortunate." " All right." "You name the artist." " Okay, Cold War Kids." "Something between the Eagles or ACIDC." "You choose, just as long as it's the Eagles or ACIDC." "No, I don't think so." " I need to talk to you." " Me first." "Nanette imploded on the stand today." "We're stuck with the rising-blood-alcohol defence." "Maybe the relevant time isn't when he drank but whether the alcohol was in his system in the cart." "The jury needs something they can sink their teeth into, not an anatomy lesson." "I think I can win our case with Maya if I can get some alone time with Rick Paxton." " To talk about what?" " You get one joke about this..." " ... because I gotta move on it." " Promise." "His flaccid penis." "You can't negotiate with the opposing party without his lawyer present." "I wanna invite him to Margarita Monday." "It's against the law to invite someone to a party?" "California Attorney's Code of Professional Conduct." "See, I thought of that as a guideline." "That's it on flaccid penis?" " Too easy." " I was hoping for something there." "Don't talk to Rick Paxton." "It's too risky." "Which makes for a bigger reward." "You can't approach me without my counsel." "We're just riding together." "I haven't said anything." "Your architect said you didn't have sex with her." "You say you did." "One of you is lying." "Well, so much for just riding together." "Do you wanna tell me why, or should we take this to court?" "Well, you won't be trying it, because you will be disbarred." "I'll take you down with me." "I'm kidding." "But I will take you down." "Oh, so this is blackmail too?" "Unless you agree to come to Margarita Monday at my place." "Eight o'clock, bathing suits optional." "You give me 10 minutes." "You don't like what I have to say, all it costs you is a party." "After, we go back to the arbitration lawyers get rich, and you can turn me in." "Ten minutes." "It's your call." "No." "You crossed the line." "We're Franklin and Bash." "We crossed the line 10 exits back." "This is an ethics violation that could put us out on our asses." "I don't understand how you can be so calm." "Because I know Paxton will come and I know I'm right." " You better be, Jared." " And you better be Peter." "He's just stressed about Danny's trial." "Well, it's not his fault." "He got a loser." "What'd I do to you to make you hate me so much?" "Because I don't even remember." "Kind of says it all right there, doesn't it?" "Come in." "Hi." "Carmen sent me." "It's not a speakeasy." "Come on in." "Well." "You got five minutes." "Come on in." "Well look who flew back from London." "I didn't break any laws." "You're so pretty." "It's funny." "I feel like I know you." "But actually, this is the first time I've seen you face to face." "I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth." "I guess whatever you did 12 years ago is your business." "Twelve years ago is when I was last arrested." "So is it always like this here?" "Sorry." "It's a school night." "You should see it on the weekends." "Okay." "Talk." "I know why you didn't have sex with Allison Cruze." "What makes you think I didn't?" "Because the same thing happened to me a couple weeks ago in this very house." "This girl came over, smoking hot..." "Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute." "Not Hanna Linden?" "Well, she came over, and it got a little crazy and when it was go time, I couldn't storm the beach." "It's humiliating." "It's every guy's worst nightmare." "Advantage, Karp." "Well, it is one thing for me to go soft." "It's another thing if it turns out you did." "Stirred magazine's " Most Virile Man Alive. "" " Not just bad for your reputation..." " Excuse me." "That's bad for your business." "I don't know what you're talking about." "That's why you wanted arbitration instead of a trial." "You'd rather be guilty of infidelity and sweep it under the rug than let the world know that you might be impotent." "Look I think it was environmental." " It..." " No, no." "See, we had black mould in our new house." "I saw online somewhere that there's these side effects." "Okay." "Yeah." "Well, mine was environmental too." "See, we were all set to go and then an ABBA song came on, and that was it." "Look, I read almost all of your autobiography a couple of times, okay?" "You're not a quitter." "Okay, Maya's there." "Go get her." "Another dive." "Chug, chug, chug." " What is going on?" " Cocoon drinking game." "Every time one of the retirees in the movie takes a dive in the pool they take a shot." " We going to jail?" " I don't think so." "I think I may have gotten through to Paxton." "Those folks really like Danny, huh?" "They're gonna be lost without him if we lose this." "Maybe I'll help you win it." "Not for Danny, but for them." "You know what?" "You can." "I think you can, buddy." "No." " Come on, let's go." "We're late." " Coming." "I'm coming." " Hey, got a sec?" " We're late for court." "Okay." " It'll only be a minute." "One minute." " Be over here." "Not listening." "I wanna talk about the rumours going around." "What rumours?" "You're telling everyone that we didn't have sex?" "Because I got your back." "This is not the Monday after prom, Jared, okay?" "I don't care what people think ever." "And if they find out the truth that we had crazy, headboard-banging sex and that I had 19 orgasms that made me see flying unicorns that's fine by me." "Because I'm a big girl and I'm responsible for everything I do whether it's in the courtroom or the bedroom." "Okay." "All right, then." "I'll see you at arbitration." "Yeah." "What time does my client drive through the course, which is private and the only thing he risked injuring were ducks?" "Not to interrupt Mr. Bash's editorial but he also drove on Marina Boulevard." "This is my time." "And he crossed, crossed Marina Boulevard 36 feet at 8 miles an hour." "The footage was taken at 10:41 p. m." "At what time did you administer the blood alcohol test?" "Eleven-ten p. m." "Five minutes after he punched me in the face." "And a half-hour after he was driving?" "Objection." "Would you tell me what you're doing before I hold you in contempt?" "We're arguing how it takes time for alcohol to be absorbed into a person's body." "Mr. Franklin is demonstrating that." "Would it have killed you to chill these?" "My God." "Take out your Taser." "If he takes another sip, hit him with everything you've got." "May we approach the bench with Penn and Teller?" "Fine." "I'd ask that Officer Preston be allowed to administer a sobriety test." "Your Honour, this is..." "Your Honour, you're new to the bench." "I'd hate to see you overturned on appeal." "I mean, that's..." " Embarrassing." " Very." "Can you check to see if Mr. Franklin is drunk, in addition to being insane?" "You're on, kid." "You're on." "Officer Preston, 15 minutes ago you gave Mr. Franklin a sobriety test that registered a result of .001." " Is that the legal limit?" " Yes." "Okay, could you have Mr. Franklin blow again?" "I'm good." "Could you please blow, sir?" "Point zero-nine." " Above the legal limit." " Yeah, it is." " Does he appear under the influence?" " Yes." " Lightweight." " I love you." "But he wasn't 15 minutes ago." "Isn't it possible that Danny Dubois was sober when he drove the golf cart, but legally intoxicated when he was tested after the fight?" "It's possible he was under the limit when driving." "It's possible." "No further questions." " You can sit down now." " You can sit down." "You finally figured out a way to get wasted in court." " So who is it?" " Who is who?" "Who is the guy who has to spend eternity with this?" "Don't be hostile, Jared." "You get custody of Peter." "You won." "I've listened to Peter talk about how beautiful you are and I never saw it." "But now, seeing you standing there, with beer goggles..." "I still don't get it." "I don't get it." "I really..." "If you wanna pretend you didn't spend first year of law school staring at me in Con Law, go ahead." "I was looking at Professor Hayes." "You were in the front which says everything about you." "Answer your damn phone." "Is that me?" "Pizza Hut." "Karp, honey." "Okay, I'll be right there." "All right." "Rick and Maya Paxton are on their way to the office." "They say it's urgent." "Think I'm a little too inebriated to drive back." "On a couple of beers?" "I had the other two after the second sobriety test." " What?" " I was celebrating." "I can stop any time I want to." "I don't want to take the risk, okay?" "You go in my place." "I'll stay here." "You'll be back in time." " If not, I'll ask for a continuance." " Right." "What could go wrong with that plan?" "There you go." "Bye." "Thanks for joining us, Mr. Franklin." "Where's Mr. Bash?" "Little problem." "He was called away on emergency so if we could get a brief continuation that'd be great." "I'm not gonna keep this jury waiting." "You're co-counsel." "Are you prepared for closing argument?" " Absolutely." " Then you're on." "Ladies and gentlemen I gotta admit, I'm a little buzzed." "Why would I say that?" "Let me tell you something about..." " Danny Dubois." " There it is." "I've known Double D since we were in high school, and back then he was the type of guy who showered with the cheerleaders..." " ... one of whom was my girlfriend." " Which is relevant how?" "I'll tell you how." "See, I was still pissed when we took on this case, because I just assumed Danny was the same dick who snaked my girl back in high school." "Then I thought he was a loser when I found out he was sleeping on his grandmother's couch..." " ... because he lost his job." " Can I object?" "I'm afraid not." "But I was wrong." "That sounded like when Fonzie says he's wrong, and he can't say it:" "Sorry." "Jeez, how could he be a loser if he liked taking care of his grandmother and her friends?" "And how could he be a dick if he tried to save an ex-teammate from a bar fight?" "I wouldn't call that person a loser or a dick." "I would call that man a friend." "Danny was sober when he jumped in the golf cart raced through a golf course, and across a city street." "Now, is it a bad idea and against the law to get behind the wheel intoxicated?" "Yeah." "But getting behind the wheel sober?" "Sober?" "No." "No." "No." "It's not." " Period." " Mr. Franklin?" " Yep." " Are you done?" "Like a fox, Your Honour." "Thanks for listening." "Thank you, Peter." "Good luck." " Let me in." " No." "When I find out what the two of you did, and trust me, I will I'm gonna turn your nutsack into my coin purse." "I know you're saying threatening things but I'm just picturing you naked." " What's going on?" " What are you doing here?" " Where's your organ monkey?" " Jared is running late." " Stanton." " What's happening?" " He won't let me see my client." " He won't let us see our client." " Well, will you let me see?" " Absolutely." "Oh, thank you." "After I couldn't, you know, make it work with you, I panicked." "I thought maybe I was bored with marriage sex and I thought another woman might do the trick, but it didn't." "I'm trying to fix everything by myself." "No Viagra, no therapy..." "Because you have to do everything solo." "Admit no weakness?" "Well I am now." "And I will tear up that prenup if you just give me another chance." "Jump on it." "It's a great deal." "This is a teaching moment for us all." "Teaching moment, indeed." "Look, I am aware sex has broken out between some of the senior partners." "Now, what do you think happens when there's jealousy and sexual tension in the workplace?" " Loss of concentration." " And unprofessional conduct." "Yes." "Actually, I was also thinking healthy competition." "I mean, you cocks, you strut around the place trying to impress the hen." "I mean, more inspired work gets done." "It's fantastic." "And Peter, why don't you hook up with somebody here?" "I mean, Derek's wife." "She's quite lovely." " Why don't you make a run at her?" " I'll get right on that, sir." " I gotta get back to court." " Good." "Great." " Very impressive." " I am impressive." "Nad." "I don't know whether to thank you or say I'm sorry." " You could say "Jared. "" " Jared." "Yeah." "I never showered with your girlfriend." "I showered with Sara Armstrong." " Hey." " Peter's girlfriend?" " Hey, you did it." "You're amazing." " Hey." "Hey, Danny." "I am gonna drink before every closing from now on like Paul Newman in The Verdict." "You all right, hermano?" "I mean, four beers in four minutes is a lot." "Four beers in four minutes, plus a 12-inch hoagie." "That's a lot." " Oh, God." " Oh, God." " Oh, don't go." "Don't go." " Oh, God." "Oh, I don't like it, Peter."