"I want you John Bayley." "I want you!" "Edward Lanman was sitting in his pleasant house in London" "The sun was shining It was an early morning in June, not quite..." "Iris." "Iris, wait for me." "Just keep tight hold of me and it'll be all right." "You won't keep still." "I can't keep still." "I can't catch up with you." "Iris, you've got bicycle oil on your ankle." "I don't care, John." "Those of you, our guests  on whose magnificent generosity we depend we really are most frightfully grateful will need no introduction to one of our most distinguished graduates  an honorary fellow, Dame Iris Murdoch." "She's a noted philosopher as well as author of some twenty-six novels." "And we are honoured to have her with us today." "As well as the distinguished Warton Professor of Literature.." "...who has the great good fortune of being married to her." "I need say no more about her." "For good wine needs no bush." "But she will not mind comparison with  say, a really fine vintage claret." "... Dame Iris will speak to you about the importance of education." "Education doesn't make you happy." "And nor does freedom." "We don't become happy just because we're free -- if we are  or because we've been educated, if we have." "But because education may be the means  by which we realise we are happy." "It opens our eyes, our ears." "Tells us where delights are lurking." "Convinces us that there is only one freedom  of any importance whatsoever." "That of the mind." "And gives us the assurance,the confidence to walk the path our mind, our educated mind offers." "I shall tell him all my love." "All my soul's adoration." "And I think he will hear me." "And will not say me nay." "It is this that gives my soul." "All it's joyous elation." "As I hear the sweet larks sing." "In the clear air of the day." "Yes, of course there's something fishy  about describing people's feelings." "Try hard to beaccurate, but  as soon as you start to define such and such a feeling  language let's you down." "When we really speak the truth, words are insufficient." "Almost everything, except things like "pass the gravy"   is a lie of a sort." "And that being the case, I shall shut up." "And pass the gravy." "But love, or at least unsatisfied love  is concerned as much with understanding." "And real love, extreme love  once it's recognised has stamp of the indubitable..." "Ah, John, may I call you, John, may I?" "Meet Miss Murdoch." "Iris, my dear, John Bayley." "One of the more promising young lecturers in the English School." "Though I caught him out over Old English grammar, his weaker side I fear." "A minor question of Anglo-Saxon syntax." "Wine!" "I mean  It went down the wrong way." "Yes, I like that." "There is a right way down, of course." "Amazing how most of us find it without even thinking about it." "I rarely think..." "If you think about it, you'll never find it." "Best thing to do is hang on and trust the body." "I do." "Human beings love each other." "In sex, in friendship  and when they're in love." "And they cherish other beings." "Humans, animals, plants - even stones." "The quest for happiness and the promotion of happiness- -is in all of this and the power of our imagination." "I'm writing a novel." "I don't suppose you have the time or the inclination to even read a novel." "I've written one." "It's going to be published." "And I'm writing another." "Can I read it?" "No-one has read It " " None of my friends." "What's it about?" "About?" "It has something for everyone." "A bit like Shakespeare?" "Perhaps, yes." "Please don't talk to anyone about it." "No." "Course not." "I won't tell a soul." "Every human soul has seen, perhaps even before their birth  pure forms." "Such as justice, temperance  beauty   and all the great moral qualities which we hold in honour." "We are moved towards what is good  by the faint memory of these forms." "Simple  and calm and blessed which we saw once in a pure clear light  being pure ourselves." "'Wholegrain'." "Do we have wholegrain or something other?" "What is whole?" "Is It something in itself or does it have parts?" "Oh, spaghetti." "If you have a whole you have a whole." "Ooh, sausages." "You and me is a whole." "If you toddle off there's a hole in the whole." "Or, if I do." "But a whole can't be broken, it just forms another whole." "Baked beans." "Baked beans." "Do you want Premium points?" "Do we deserve them?" "Do you want bags?" "Bags, yes." "You know, it's all around us, people like you and me talking nonsense." "I know, I know." "Bag for life:" "For life?" "That's what it says." "We have to ask, give you the choice." "Ooh, rather." "You just have to listen, that's the job." "You call it a job but it's like music, what you do." "You live with the angels, speak their language, the music of the spheres." "Nowadays the only language anyone really understands is pictures." "Paint the picture." "See, now I'm bagged for life." "Love's the only language everyone understands." "Ooh love, yes." "I can read It but I can't speak it." "My coat's caught on your chair." "And the captain said as the two weevils dropped out of the biscuit "which would you rather have, Mr Smith?"" ""The bigger one, sir."" ""Wrong, Mr Smith, wrong." "In the Navy you should always choose the lesser of the two weevils."" "Patrick O'Brian." ""Between two evils always choose the one you haven't tried before."" "Mea West." "Oh my vest!" "I tore my vest again this morning." "You must get some new vests." "Jolly good." "You must get some new vests." "I just said that." "You're always saying that you just said something." "Me too." "Good job you reminded me I had two lectures today." "You remembered." "No, but I remembered to apologise for the one I forgot." "They were very sweet about it." "Glad not to have listen to you, I expect." "Oh, I'm sure." "They'd have been delighted to have listened to you." "I always have been." "Iris!" "John." "Than kyou." "Keep the change." "Janet." "Janet!" "Oh my God, Iris." "Am I late?" "Oh no, it's the hokie-cokie." "Everything will be over." "Oh, John, wait." "I've got my stocking caught up." "Stupid things." "Really." "I'm not sure I'm entirely " " I'm so sorry." "Oh, sorry." "Cha-cha-cha." "Cha-cha-cha." "Thank you." "You too." "That was my husband." "Cha-cha-cha." "Are you with Iris?" "Hoping so." "You know we have..." "I thought we had." "...nearly met." "Are you a friend of Iris?" "Yes." "She seems to have a lot of f..." "Janet Stone." "John Bayley." "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "Shall we?" "What are your rooms like?" "Adequate,thank you." "I'd like to see them." "Do you have a lot of friends?" "Is a list of my friends necessary?" "I justwondered if you had many." "There aren't many people that one wants to know one." "Iris!" "You might fall." "Would you like some champagne?" "That would be nice." "I've had some since Christmas..." "It does keep, doesn't it?" "I shouldn't be doing this." "What?" "Having women in my room." "It's not permitted." "I wouldn't say you'd had me exactly." "Have you danced before?" "It was all right, wasn't it?" "Oh, I think so." "Broke the ice, so to speak." ""Ice"?" "What?" "It'll do." "Aren't you particular about words at your college?" "I'm only here under sufferance really, as a tutor and guide." "I get all the Americans and Frenchmen to mother." "You love words, don't you?" "If one doesn't have words, how does one think?" "Shall I do that?" "What is your novel about?" "About?" "How to be free." "How to be good and how to love." "Well, that's all there is, I'd say." "Language is all very well, you know, but it's not the only way of understanding each other." "There's sight and and smell and...touch, of course." "I love your nose." "It's snub." "Snubby snubby, snubby." "it's snubby, snubby, snubby." "Let me do that to you." "Take off your jacket." "If we were, as it were, married we could do this all the time." "Perhaps?" "We should be doing it nearly all the time." "Yes, but if..." "Thank you." "Look." "I'm stopping you working." "Yes, well, I don't mind." "How's it coming along?" "It's harder to write than all the others." "Much." "Have you noticed?" "Just that you've seemed..." "puzzled every now and again." "That's it, yes." "Puzzled." "Puzzled." "It's a funny word." "All words are like that when you take them by surprise, aren't they?" "Have you got a title?" "'A lot of trees seem near.'" "We must stop it." "What to do?" "The window, John, the window!" "We must stop it." "No." "See it's gone." "We all worry about going mad, don'twe?" "How would we know those of us who live in our minds anyway?" "Other people would tell us." "Would they, John?" "I don't want to set the world..." "Sorry." "...on fire." "John Bayley." "Haven't seen her for ages." "Jolly good -- nice." "Takes all sorts." "Not that I  we're all men at St Anthony's." "Do you like women?" "I mean, do women like you?" "You mean lesbians?" "Yes." "Would it bother you if they did?" "Oh no, the some thing happens with me." "With homosexuals, I mean." "And do you go to bed with them?" "Lord no." "At the college... they are all, as somebody once said to me "Old fashioned lesbians of the highest type"." "And do you go to bed with them?" "Dame Iris?" "Yeah." "It's this way." "She's written philosophy and plays and poetry but her novels are her lasting literay legacy." "Iris Murdoch is acknowledged as the foremost English novelist of her generation." "A little excessive, don't you think?" "What do you reckon, shall I take that again?" "Her novels embrace the subjects of freedom and what it means to be good." "And they're all studies in the successes and failures of love." "She's written philosophy and plays and poetry but her novels are her lasting literay legacy." "People, ofcourse, are very secretive and for many reasons want to appear what they call 'ordinary'." "Everybody has thoughts they want to conceal." "Perhaps even quite simple aspects of their lives." "People have obsessions and fears and and passions which they don't admit to." "I think any character is interesting and has extremes." "it's a novelist's privilege to see how odd everyone is." "In your novels you yourself were very exacting your use of language but in general terms, do you think the language is becoming debased?" "Reading and writing and the preservation of language and its forms and the kind of eloquence and beauty that language is capable of is something terribly important to human beings this is connected to thought." "If children are not taught..." "What did you say?" "Did you ask...?" "I was asking about the importance of language." "John." "John." "John." "Iris?" "John." "Oh, you're there." "I'm back." "What is it?" "Much earlier than I thought." "Yes, I came straight back." "I didn't know why I was there." "You were going to do an interview." "Well,what interview?" "I don't know." "And see your publisher?" "Was it your publisher?" "So I came back." "I didn't expect you back for ages." "Has Norah rung?" "I didn't answer." "Iris, Norah's dead." "Oh, so she is." "Oh,that is sad." "Of, well, nevermind." "It must have been Ed." "What for?" "Oh, so I came back." "What is the name of the Prime Minister?" "Are you asking me?" "Yes, I am." "I know." "Okay, what is the name of the Prime Minister?" "I don't know." "Ask John." "Surely It doesn't matter." "Okay." "Well, no, not really." "Someone will know." "Who would you like to see?" "I mean, is there anyone...?" "I don't know." "Shall I look up some names, talk to someone?" "I've got a lot of ideas, but they won't come together." "It happens all the time, forgetting names." "So, does it happens all the time?" "Does she mean "writer's block"?" "I suppose she does, but..." "Iris can always write, Doctor." "Oh, I know." "Iris is a person of some..." "Yes." "But it doesn't work like that..." "But surely in her case, a woman with a first-class mind?" "We'll have to be certain." "There'll have to be tests, scans." "Well, I don't think I can..." "I mean it's a little beyond my competence." "Iris finds her new book very tiring and difficult." "Basically, I'll arrange something." "Iris has a very clear mind mine's a muddle but not hers." "She does everything, always has." "Food, shopping tickets for things..." "I never know how she manages and does her books as well." "Well, they can get your help." "No, nobody would suit." "We're odd, you know." "There's a very good place, a specialist nursing home, Vale Hose." "Not necessary." "Oh, no, not yet." "Not your fault." "I'm sorry." "I'm orry." "Well...take care." "Goodbye, Doctor." "Thank you." "Careful." "Goodbye." "Iris!" "I'm sure the country won't go to the dogs." "Not knowing the Prime Minister's name is not a capital offence." "Absolutely." "I know the names that matter." "It'll be all right." "Well, it will be if you stop worrying." "I've got a book to finish." "...Tony Blair." "So there." "Iris, are you comfortable?" "I'm going to start the scan now." "Just keep nice and still." "Try to relax." "It'll take about fifteen minutes." "John." "Oh Janet." "I'm sorry." "Is Iris still...?" "I'm so sorry I'm late." "I don't know what's going to happen, Janet." "I've left the car outside - the engine's running." "...won't be a mo." "Right." "See you out there." "Yes." "John, I'm frightened." "Everyone's doing their best." "Janet's got the car." "It will -- be..." "It's done." "You're finished?" "I thought you were close." "So far it hasn't made any difference." "Here's to it." "Must try and keep working." "You must." "I will." "And here's to the next one." "Just keep working, keep talking, keep the words coming." "Keep at it." "I shall come on like a deprived animal if I can't write." "Be liked a starved dog." "No, no, no." "I'll keep you at it." "I feel as if I'm sailing into darkness." "Thing you eat with." "animal" "An-im-al." "Toothbrush." "...no..." "Yes." "Por..." "No." "See..." "Portrait" "Tennis thing." "dog" "God." "Iris is getting tired, I'm afraid." "Can we have the blinds?" "Dame Iris, thank you very much." "Than kyou." "Well done, puss." "Dame Iris, thank you very much indeed." "It's so kind of you to come, Dame Iris." "Thank you, I like it." "Thank you very much." "Is it any help?" "Well to us?" "Yes." "It's implacable." "What does that mean?" "It means inexorable." "I know what the word means -- to me." "To us." "You see, words have meant everything to her." "They would still mean something?" "Some thought?" "It can't just be dead birds dropping." "I know what it means and, it doesn't surprise me  it frightens me, but and then sometimes it doesn't frighten me and  that's just as bad because that's it winning, isn't it?" "No, it's not..." "It won't win." "It will win." "There." "It will win." "That's very kind." "Iris." "Iris,wait for me." "Just keep tight hold of me and it'll be all right!" "You won't keep still!" "I can' tkeep still!" "I can't catch up with you!" "Speed up!" "Oh, good morning." "Ah, no..." "I think it's the person who brings the post, John!" "Yes, it is." "Yes." "John!" "So Sorry." "Thank you." "Thank you very much indeed." "So Sorry." "Go on." "Go on, go on, go on..." "It's only the postman." "It's only the postman." "Don't repeat everything, puss." "It's only the postman." "It's for you " " It's your book." "What's that?" "Your book." "It's only the postman." "It's your book." "IRIS MURDOCH" " JACKSON'S DILEMA" "Isn't it perfectly splendid?" "Why don't you look at it?" "It's only the postman." "Oh, damn!" "Stop nudging up to me like a water buffalo." "I have a lot to do." "Lots to do, Iris." "See what I've done now?" "!" "It's not your fault." "Not your fault." "Sorry, sorry." "It's only the postman." "Yes, all right, it's only the postman." "So sorry." "There's lots to do." "Which side do I go?" "Ask me my three main priorities for Government and I tell you education, education and education." "John." "John!" "Why does he keep saying that?" "What does he mean?" "By what?" "Education, education, education." "I think he means learning, everyone getting enough of it." "Why does he keep saying it?" "Politicians have to keep repeating things to make themselves heard." "They have to do anything to make themselves liked." "Why does he want to eat a sheep's ear?" "Shall I turn it off?" "No!" "We could go for a swim tomorrow, if it's not raining." "No." "Yes, you love water." "When you swim you love it, swim?" "Swim is good for you." "When are we leaving?" "Not today." "Are we going to London?" "No, we're going for a swim." "When are we leaving?" "Not today." "When are we leaving?" "Iris " " Iris, wait for me." "You dirty old man!" "Hello." "There we go." "Well done." "No, Iris, not with your socks on, your socks!" "No, no, give me your hand." "Give me your hand." "Give me your hand..." "You'll pull me in." "No, no..." "You're all right." "I won't let you go." "Let me get you dry." "You're all right." "Where are your socks?" "Socks?" "No?" "Uppy, uppy hands." "Uppy hands." "Let's get it on." "That's it." "Iris, come on." "Just put your hand like this." "Up hand." "Up." "Let's get your head through." "Let's go now." "No, let's go now." "Iris, as soon as we've got your head in!" "Iris." "Let's go now..." "Put your head down." "Where's my petticoat?" "Here." "Are you sure he's expecting me?" "Maurice." "I've brought John." "You said I might...?" "Did I?" "And did you say you would?" "Maurice Charlton." "John Bayley." "Isn't it hot?" "Yes, Itis." "I've got just the thing will cool." "I imagine your friend Maurice is hoping to have his wicked will, is he?" "Not today, is he?" "You and I are much the some age, aren't we, John?" "I think so." "Does it matter?" "No." "It's not important, is it?" "What Maurice means is that most of my real my other friends are -- older than me." "Much older." "Yes, and there's a very good reason for that, isn't there?" "She likes people with a bit of a past." "She uses them..." "Don't you?" "No I don't." "For your novel, don't you Iris?" "I haven't read it" "Haven't you?" "Neither have you Maurice, so don't play games." "Nobody reads it." "The gentle lady hasn't yet bestowed her favour on anyone." "Iris doesn't like to talk about it." "Do you Iris?" "It's because it's full of people she knows." "All these masters of thought you're so chummy with." "Bound to be." "We all know." "Isn't it, Iris?" "No." "You can think what you like, you know nothing about it." "Nobody knows but me." "And " " I'm not telling." "I thought it was as secret?" "I know Iris doesn't want it talked about." "Come on, Iris, I'm sure we'll all recognise ourselves." "I don't see how you -- anyone can." "They won't." "They won't." "I hate that sort of thing." "I won't ever do it." "I don't see the point of writing a novel that's autobiography." "There's no fun in that." "They won't see themselves." "Don't people written about in novels always see themselves differently?" "I'm sure they do, but..." "And who was it who said:" ""You can use anyone you like in a novel as long as you drop it in somewhere that they're good in bed..." "...even though..." -...they might not be." "Evelyn Waugh." ""And so to bed." Samuel Pepys." "So, have you granted your favour to John?" "Told him who's in the novel?" "We have other things to talk about." "No-one has read my novel." "No-one but the publisher." "It doesn't matter." "Well, it does matter, I feel let down." "Am I not a small part of your life?" "You were very gallant." "Very stupid." "No, John." "Will you come in?" "Have you been entertained?" "Yes." "All these people and to think I chose you for your obvious lack of... thought that..." "I thought no competition." "What's this?" "A friend made it." "Is she a cook, your friend?" "No, he's ap hilosopher." "But his real interests are cooking and telephones." "I'd like you to read this." "I was rather afraid you might not like it." "Thank you." "I value your opinion." "Perhaps it's time we made love?" "Yes?" "Yes." "That's what I thought." "Have you got a French letter?" "A rubber thingy?" "Oh, good Lord, no." "Well we'll just have to be careful." "I don't exactly..." "Probably easier if you take your trousers off." "Yes, of course." "I've never..." "I'm a rather late starter." "My brother used to have to tie my shoelaces for me till I was seven." "I don't know if..." "I do." "It'll all go... swimmingly." "Help." "No, no, no." "Iris, calm down." "No." "No." "Help, help." "I am trying to help you." "Sorry." "Please don't, Iris." "You have nothing to be sorry about." "It'd be unfair and I couldn't bear it." "We should be saying sorry to you." "And not just sorry, but..." "Shall I read to you?" "Shall I?" "Occupied in observing Mr Bingley's attentions to her sister..." "Elizabeth was far from suspecting that she was herself becoming an object of some interest in the eyes of his friend." "Mr Darcy had, at first, scarcely allowed her to be pretty..." "I wrote." "Yes, my darling clever cat." "You wrote books." "Books." "I wrote." "You wrote novels." "Wonderful novels." "I wrote." "Such things you wrote." "Special things secret things." "Do you know many secrets now, Iris?" "You have shown me a map of Iris' brain world." "Empty..." "You tell me that its hidden mysteries and  and all the unknown life in there has gone, has been wiped." "How then..." "How can she say things with such a terrible lucidity?" "Which bit of the empty jungle does that come from?" "We don't know." "Not we." "You don't know." "Don't hide, please." "Is it not remotely possible that what Iris says is of some consequence, yes?" "yes, perhaps." "So, perhaps we ought to learn her language before the lights go out." "The lights -- will go out." "Yes, of course they will." "You all keep telling me, us, that." "I know that." "She may even know that herself." "Iris." "I'm sure you can write it." "Just get one word down." "Persevere." "Iris, your notebook!" "No, Iris." "No, no." "Come, come." "That's it." "we'll walk -- we'll read and then you'll write." "Be just like the old days." "It's Iris, mama." "Look who's here, Iris." "Hello." "Hello." "Yes, Iris, sea." "I thought we'd walk, calm her down a bit." "She has an idea for a novel." "Hello, Iris." "Hello, Iris." "Talk to her, Janet." "Hello, Iris." "The sea's a bit cold for swimming." "Stay as long as you like, there's plenty of room." "We don't want to be nuisance..." "Oh, no you're not!" "It's as much for mum as anyone, give her a bit of a rest." "Can't rush around these days, John, tummy trouble." "Is she ill?" "She gets tired easily." "She's really not..." "What do we do?" "Just talk to her." "Say things to her that she can write." "She can you know." "It's all right, is it, John?" "It'll get better as you get to know each other better." "Iris has got more than one world going on inside her head a secret world." "Until another book comes out." "I'm only friend that knows of her secret world." "Oh, John." "No, no, it's like living in a fairy story." "I'm the young man in love with a beautiful maiden who disappears into an unknown and mysterious world but who always comes back." "Iris!" "Look." "Iris, look, he's got his clothes on." "He's got his clothes on!" "He's got his clothes on." "He's got his clothes on." "Seems very sensible to me." "Janet, are you all right?" "I'm absolutely fine, John." "I thought I'd get her to sign this." "Anything is fine." "Just get her to write." "Does she know anything about her past?" "Her career, work, friends?" "Something of a closed book." "But it's there " " I know it." "Oh, that's wonderful." "Well done, puss." "Good to see your book so well received, Iris." "Yes, wasn't it?" "You thought you'd never finish it, didn't you?" "I read her the reviews." "You hated me doing it before." "Would you sign your new book for me, Iris?" "Like postcards, do it at once or you don't." "Please?" "I see an angel." "I think it's you." "We're undewater now." "There are some drugs, aren't there, Iris?" "But they don't last long." "And when the friendly fog disperses there yawns the precipice before you, doesn't it, puss?" "They're beautiful." "Horrible, isn't it, puss?" "Horrible thing when you're there with your toes at the edge of the precipice." "You can say anything you like as long as you make it sound like it's a joke." "Oh, don't John, that's cruel." "that's where you're wrong." "It's not cruel, it's nothing because it's not understood." "She's in her own world now." "Which is perhaps what she's always wanted." "Come on." "Let's go in." "When do we go?" "Chin up, John." "Janet." "Yes, puss." "Yes." "Going, going." "No, I do go." "Soon, we'll -- we'll go soon." "Now... now." "Who is it?" "Who is it?" "Hello, hello." "Are you there?" "Where this?" "...soars enchanted..." "As I hear the sweet lark sing" "In the clear air of the day." "How much is that doggy in the window?" "The one with the waggly tail" "How much is that doggy in the window?" "I do hope that doggy's for sale." "Sing your mother's song." "Sing your mother's song." "All my soul's adoration." "And I think he will hear me." "...soars enchanted" "I hear the sweet lark sing of the day." "It is this that gives my soul." "All its joyous elation" "As I hear the sweet lark sing" "In the clear air of the day." "Dear thoughts are in my mind" "And my soul soars enchanted." "As I hear the sweet lark sing" "In the clear air of the day." "For a tender beaming smile to my hope has been granted" "And tomorrow he shall hear all my fond heart can say" "As I hear the sweet lark sing in the..." "Come, gentlemen we shall have to do better than this." "aren't you a bad cat?" "And tomorrow he shall hear all my fond heart can say" "Teletubbies!" "Morning." "Morning." "Oh thank you." "Okay." "Bye." "Than kyou." "Bye." "It's only the postman." "Time for teletubbies " " Time for Teletubbies." "Tinky winky Tinky Winky" "It's only the postman." "It'sonlythepostman." "It's only the postman." "It's only the postman." "Where have the Teletubbies gone?" "remember Proteus?" "What about Proteus?" "I'm like Proteus." "You've got to keep hold of me the way Hercules kept hold of him." "Even thought he changed into  a lion and a fish and a snake." "I'm worried about the river, we swim." "You never know, sir." "I have, of course, looked everywhere here already." "Everything you do everything you say, write you do it superbly." "And you're always going to, all your life whatever you turn your hand to." "I know it." "And I know you must feel that I don't belong in your world." "I don't." "Between the soup and the baked beans." "Thank you so much." "I caught her before she got to the check-out." "She's been gone for hours... ..I thought I'd never see her again." "Never." "Well... all's well that..." "Please do, tell me your name?" "I'm Maurice, John." "Iris' friend." "I was a witness at your wedding." "Well, I'm late for a meeting." "Maurice, so sorry..." "So sorry." "Were you trying to get away from me?" "Did you want to leave me, Iris?" "Please?" "I feel as if I don't know anything about you." "When you know everything about me, then I'll be dead." "He's a Professor of Ancient History.." "They have a maling influence on you I think." "They all have, all your 'friends'." "He's a teacher, a master of thought." "You talk, do you." "You master thoughts together?" "We make love, yes, but that's not the important thing." "Then he goes home to his wife in London." "Does it frighten you?" "I feel as if I'm standing in a long line of suitors waiting for a kind word." "I'll always give you a kind word." "We must accept me as I am." "And I'm to be kept in my box or not kept at all." "Nothing matters except loving what is good." "Am I good?" "Just keep tight hold of me and it'll be all right." "Who are you with now, Iris?" "Who is it?" "We're lost." "We're lost." "We're lost..." "There is no reason for this." "And if there is I don't know it." "I hate you Iris." "You stupid cow." "I bloody loathe you." "Every bloody inch of you." "All your friends have finished with you." "Nobody else has you anymore except your fucking best friend Doctor fucking Alzheimer. with all his fucking gifts." "I've got you now and I don't want you." "I've never known anything about you at all and now I don't care." "I think it's time I told you about some of my friends the people in my past -- of my heart and and not." "Oh dear." "ought I to take notes?" "There was a friend who was a student with me." "No, no, he can wait." "He was not the first person I went to bed with that was Harry.." "then there was Roger, who wanted to marry me..." "And Oscar who said he couldn't live without me and Tom who far too clearly could but..." "So, the student friend I had resisted going to bed with joined the Army during the war. and promptly asked me to marry him for he was certain he was going to be killed..." "..and wanted me to have the window's pension." "Yes, I know they all said that." "Anyway I didn't want to marry him but I did go to bed with him." "...I thought that best before he went off to fight, because you never know anyway, he, he was killed my student friend and we weren't married." "So no pension." "there." "It wouldn't have been much anyway..." "I know, because I had friends killed." "Their wives got very little, they get very little." "Is that all?" "I mean, roughly?" "What about the 'friends' in your other world?" "You know more about me than anyone on earth." "You are my world." "Thank you." "After all that I rather hoped it might be time for me to get my kind word." "You don't need to do it on your own." "Vale House is very good." "You're exhausted, you know that." "Of course I am." "It's something that we share." "We're in a state of grace." "I think we understand each other." "What do you think?" "I don'tknow." "There's always help if you need it." "There isn't any help for her." "What?" "Sorry?" "Sorry?" "Nothing." "Why has Willie Thorne got two rabbits tattooed on his bald head?" "I don't know, why has Willie Thorne got two rabbits tattooed on his bald head?" "Cos from a distance they look like hares." "Janet's dead, Iris." "They want me to say a few words but I can't think of any." "Janet's dead, Iris." "I miss Janet very much." "I miss Janet because I used to store up funny things to tell her that happened to us." "...things I can no longer tell Iris." "Another friend visited us in Oxford overnight recently. and I found her cleaning the bath." "I said, "Oh, please, there's no need"." "She said, "Oh yes there is, I want to take a bath"." "I was hoping to be able to tell Janet that story she would have enjoyed it." "She would have..." "laughed." "I mean, I think Anna Karenina, Tolstoy, you know when on her way to the station to throw herself under a train sees something funny which she thinks to tell Vronsky. her lover, about we all do it, I do it with Iris and Janet, all our friends but, then Anna thought that she wouldn't be seeing Vronsky again because she was about to kill herself." "Oh, but, you don't want to hear this Janet didn't kill herself..." "But, if there's one thing that would have prevented Anna from throwing herself under a train that would be it, the thought of telling something funny to the man she loves." "The love is over though life will soon be over." "That's all." "Goodbye, Janet." "No, no, Janet." "Jan!" "It's all right, Iris." "Wrong, wrong, wrong." "Wrong driving." "Stop it, Iris!" "Wrong driving!" "No." "Stop it, Iris." "Not house." "Not mother.." "Iris, it's very dangerous." "Them!" "Them!" "Iris!" "Puss." "My old mouse " " My old cat mouse." "Where are you?" "I love you." "Ah, little mouse." "I know you do." "I used to be so afraid of being alone with you now I can't be without you." "Let's get us -- home and then there'll be tomorrow and the nex tday and the next and on we go getting closer and closest together..." "Oh, your ring." "It's so worn now." "Where did you get it?" "From a pawnbrokers." "I like things that are worn down." "Which wear and wear and wear until they go." "We've had a bit of luck." "Usual thing, I'm afraid " " Somebody's died." "Iris don't you have a smile for Doctor Gudgeon?" "No?" "No." "So -- the time has come." "You know it would, Professor Bayley." "Yes." "She didn't have a smile for you today." "Yes." "Well, we must make a start." "What do I do?" "Nothing any more." "Vale House is a very friendly place, you know." "I was, surpr.... ...I mean, this is one of the best." "More difficult to get into than...well, Eton." "Taxi for Vale House?" "Yes." "Lady's on the stairs, but I can't get her down." "Shall I?" "You all right, my love?" "We're going for a little drive." "What's your name then?" "Iris." "Yes, it's Iris." "All right then, Iris you'll be all right, my love, come on." "Come on, upsy-daisy." "There you go." "Lovely." "Human beings love each in sex -- in friendship and when they're in love." "And they cherish other beings humans -- animals, plants even stones." "She'll be fine now, won't you Iris?" "You can visit any time you like..." "Stay the night, that's all right we can make arrangements for you to do that anytime." "It was so quiet when she died." "Do you know, I thought I wouldn't mind doing that myself.." "I had a joke to tell her." "It wasn't a very good one but she'd have laughed." "We need to believe in something divine." "Without the need for God." "Something we might call love or goodness." "As the psalm says "Whither shall I go from thy spirit whither shall I flee from thy presence?" "If I ascend unto Heaven thou art there if I make my bed in Hell behold thou art there." "If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea even there shall thy hand lead me and thy right hand shall hold me.""