"My name 's Ramona Q." "I'm nine and three months, and no matter what my sister Beezus tells you..." "I'm not a pest." "My dad says I just have an overactive imagination, which does come in handy." "It makes the fun parts funner and the scary parts scarier." "And frankly, it's good to scare yourself once in a while... 'cause if you can 't be brave at recess... how can you do it when it really counts?" "Okay, stay with me." "You can do it, Ramona." "I ' never make it, Howie." "Whoa." "Owie, owie." "That's my echo off the canyon, canyon, canyon." "Don't psych yourself out, Ramona." "Just don't look down." "It's too far!" "Far!" "Far!" "Far!" "Howie, help!" " Mrs. Meacham?" "" "Uh, Ramona 's kind of hung up." " Help, please." "" "Quiet." "Face front." "Ah!" "Help." "Eyes forward." "Lock it down." "Ramona Quimby, get down from there." "This isn 't a circus." "You should have seen it through a window." "It was awesome." "You looked like a pinata." "Well, obviously without all the candy." "It made me really dizzy, yet I wanna do it again." " Race you home, mudball." "" " I won!" " See you tomorrow." " Bye, Howie." " Excuse me." "Ramona." "Be more careful with Willa Jean." " Huh?" " She's younger than you are." "Willa Jean, come to Grammy." "Mom, took it." "I taught Roberta how to stick out her tongue." "That's great, sweetie." "Now I can cancel the private tutor." "Next, can you teach her how to change her own diaper?" "Could you set the table, please, Ramona?" "And add another plate for Aunt Bea." "She's coming by later for dessert." " So five altogether?" " Yep." "I was about to do that." "Hmm." "Being about to do it and doing it." "Mom!" "Beezus is acting all French again." "Dad's home!" "Daddy!" "Prepare for impact!" " Hi, honey!" " Dad!" "Hey!" "How are my beautiful girls?" "Mwah!" " Did you crunch the numbers, Dad?" " You bet I did, Pickle." " I crunched them good." "Real good." "" " The whole darn day." "" "I don't think you got dirty enough today, Ramona." "Well, there's always tomorrow." " Mwah!" " I'll let you two catch up." "There's my little girl." "My little bowling ball with legs." "" " Sorry about that, Icky Sticky." "Dad, it's Picky Picky." " When are you ever gonna Learn his real name?" " When he Learns mine." "So, Beezus, suppose I told you that when I pulled up in front of the house tonight..." "I saw your old buddy Henry staring at it Like he Left something important inside." "Henry Huggins?" "I haven 't heard that name in a while." "Isn't he the boy that used to eat dirt in the backyard?" " Yeah." " He doesn't do that anymore." "Ooh." "If I didn't know better, I'd say somebody has a crush." " Ooh-ooh!" " Can we please talk about something else?" " Nope." " There is that dance." "Maybe he wants to ask you to it." "Well, if he's gonna ask my girl to a dance, he'd better have some moves." "Can the old dirt-eater do this?" "Ooh-hoo, whoo-hoo!" "Oh, I hope not." "Stop." "Mom!" "What do we got here?" "Note from the bank." "It could be Loan papers for the addition." " Hope they don't expect us to pay it back." " Well, banks are funny that way." "What do we got here?" ""To the Parents of Beatrice Quimby."" "Could this be the latest report card?" ""Beatrice Quimby gets in fights..." ""steals from the vending machines, counterfeits hall passes." " Wait." "Let me see." " We recommend juvenile prison."" "We're so proud of you." "It's not funny." "So, Ramona, Beatrice has her report card." "Doesn't that mean- I don't know- you should have one too?" "That old thing?" "Yeah, that old thing." "Where would that old thing happen to be?" " That's a good place for it." " Yeah, wouldn't want it to spoil." ""Ramona is a bright young student"" "That's my girl. "... but lacks focus..." ""often daydreams, disputes the need to spell words correctly..." ""and has very little respect for the rules of grammar... or rules in general."" "Why would she write this, Ramona?" "Because... she's no fun." " That is no excuse." " But it's true." "She makes us all use the same words from the same list." "And when I try to be original, she just shoots me down." "Like when I invented the word "terrifical."" "She goes, "Ramona, that's not a word."" "And I say, "It's a Iot funner word to say."" "She goes, "Funner isn't a word either."" "What kind ofteacher is that?" "She can't tell kids not to invent words." "She's not the president of the world." "You butt out, Beezus." "Ramona, Mrs. Meacham is your teacher." " You need to listen to her." " And she's not that bad." "She was fair with me when I was your age." "Yeah, well" "Everybody loves Beezus... and everybody hates me!" "Okay." " Why are you laughing?" " We're not laughing, sweetie." "I'm gonna say a bad word." " You are?" " Mm-hmm." "A really bad one." "Well, ifyou feel the need to get one out ofyour system, then go ahead." " Guts!" "" " Guts, guts, guts!" " - "G" word." " That's your idea of a bad word, Ramona?" "Honey, I 'm sorry we laughed." "Hey." "What's she done?" "guts!" "Hey, babe." "How's the air up there?" "Hey, babe." "How's the air up there?" "Hi, Aunt Bea." "Aw, you can do better than that." " Where's the love?" "Honk, honk." "" "I thought I'd find you here." "That was a fine job you did on the toothpaste." "You must have a really strong grip." "Oh!" "Let me see those calluses." "Oh, yeah." "that time on the jungle gym sure is paying off." "Did that one get bigger?" "Tremendous." "Trophy size." "You know..." "I was a younger sister, too, once." "Still am." "No matter how old I get, I' always be younger." "It's no fair, Aunt Bea." "I never do anything as good as Beezus." " And Roberta, if she burps, it's adorable." " Hmm." "Last week, she poured applesauce on her head..." " and Dad stopped to take pictures." " Oh!" "I mean, when it's my turn to do stuff... nobody even cares." "Well, it's impossible to compete with pouring food on your head." "Why do we even bother?" "You know what?" "I bet it would be nice... to have something of your own for once." "Like my own room?" "Maybe just something small... you could always have with you." "Go ahead." "Open it." "I found that picture the other day... and I realized I was exactly your age, so I wanted you to have it." " That's you?" " Yeah." "There's room for another if you wanna give that little girl some company." " Thank you, Aunt Bea." " Mm-hmm." "I want you to know... that you will always have me around." "You okay?" "I gotcha." "Mmm." "I gotcha." "Bring it up!" "Beezus, wake up!" "Beezus, come on." "To the right." "Check it out, man." "Ramona!" "Control tower, we 've reached 30, 000 feet." "Ramona, you are clear for airdrop." " This is the best day ever!" " Whoo-hoo!" "Yeah." "I wish we had a hole in our house." "Hey, Ramona, Iet's make a deal." "If you can settle down for a few hours, I' see if Dad can take us out to dinner." "Really?" "Can we go to Macaroni Joe's?" "There is an inch of dust covering my whole kitchen." " We can go anywhere." " Yeah!" "I'm having a hair crisis." "But it looks the same as always." "Thanks." "Thanks a Iot." "He's home!" " Dad." " Hey." "Daddy!" "Boing!" "Did you crunch the numbers, Dad?" "Well, today they kind of crunched me back." "But I got you a Iittle surprise." "Why don't you and Beez go outside and share those... and I' talk to your mom for a minute, okay?" " Let's go." " Thank you." "Something's wrong." "They let three people go last week." "How can you tell?" "Cause they're whispering." "Did I do something wrong?" "No." "Not this time." "But something tells me that we're not going to Macaroni Joe's." "Hey, you got more red ones." "right." "Take a few more." "Remember how I taught you to eat them." " Bite the head off first?" " Yep." "It's more humane that way." "You don't deserve to be downsized." ""Downsized"?" "What's that mean?" "Well, um... it means the storage company was bought by a bigger one... and a Iot of people were let go, including Dad." "The good news is I called Dr. Perry's office... and she has some part-time work for me again... so that should tide us over for a Iittle while, at Ieast." "Don't worry." "I will find a job." "But in the meantime..." "I got a Iittle extra time to spend with my girls." "Right?" " Right?" " Right." " Okay." " Right." "You realize we're gonna be poor now, right?" "No, we're not." " Are we?" " Have you seen how many bills they get?" "It's insane." "Everything costs money, even water." "Well, Mom's gonna make money." "And Dad, he' be with us." "That part's fun." "Well, get ready for another year in hand-me-down heaven." "Hey, lights out, my lovelies." "Sweet dreams." "Beezus?" "It's sort of scary having a hole in the house... don't you think?" " Beezus." " Shh." "I'm trying to sleep." "Beezus, did you hear that growling?" "It's probablyjust your stomach, doofus." "Unless..." "Unless it's something... else." "Beezus, stop it." " Like a ferocious, hungry..." " Stop!" "slithering beast that feeds on pests with bad report cards." "You're too easy." "Beezus, it's not funny." "I thought it was." "Bring it up." "Let me get a pen, write it down." " Both girls get carrots and sandwiches." " Okay." "Beezus wants hers in a Ziploc, and Ramona insists on having tin foil." "She claims it affects the taste, but I think she just likes making sculptures with it." "What else?" "Ramona wants a hard-boiled egg if we have any." "Think fast." "ease tell me you're gonna remember all this." "Look at me, fully domesticated." "I've lined up Mrs. Kemp to watch Roberta at noon." " you have to do is go nail this interview today." " How do I Iook?" " I'd give you the job." " Really?" "I'd take it." "Ramona, did I ever show you the proper way... to crack a hard-boiled egg?" "You are so weird." "A guy's gotta get his protein somehow." "See, I got this stuff down." "Hey, Ramona, wait up!" " Bye, Dad!" " Bye-bye!" "Nice doodles." "They're not doodles." "They're sketches." "My dad's extremely sketchy." "Is everyone in their seats?" "I'm about to round the corner." "And good morning." "I trust you all survived the weekend with most of your limbs intact." "It's time we tackle our class reports." "Tell us about something special in your life... using at Ieast one word from our vocabulary list." "This is my ballet tiara." "This is a saddle for riding camels." "It's special to me because I'm going to wear my tiara... when I audition for the part of the princess in the Royal Peanut Butter commercials." "And it's special because my Uncle Hobart gave it to me." "I think I'd be extraordinary in the role." "E-X-T-R-A-O-R-D-I-N-A-R-Y." "And he travels all over the world... taking pictures of animals in their natural habitat." "H-A-B-I-T-A-T." "Extraordinary." "That's when you take something... ordinary... and give it a Iittle extra." " So, does anybody wanna sit on it?" " Yeah!" " Okay, Ramona, Iet's hear it." " Why, thank you, Mrs. Meacham.." "Mute button." "Mute button." "What am I doing?" "I'm muting you." "Ramona, go on." "Well, the most special thing in my Iife... is that some nice workmen in blue helmets... came to my house this week- and chopped a great big hole in it." "But, But they did." "It was so big, I could see all of Portland." "Howie knows." "Howie came and jumped through the hole." "He did." "That's enough now." "I think the hole's in her head." " Show's over, Ramona." " She's such a liar." " Mrs. Meacham, I'm not lying." " Take your seat." "Go ahead." "Take your seat." "The purpose of this exercise is not to entertain us." "No embellishments, please." "Now, who would Iike to go next?" "Hands?" "You saw them chop the hole in my house." "Actually, no." "They pried it with crowbars." "Technically, they pried it." "That's what I meant." "Now Mrs. Meacham thinks I'm a liar... and she's gonna tell my mom and dad I'm a big troublemaker tonight." "Well, you are sometimes." "I mean, technically, you are." "Maybe you should technically look for a new best friend." "Hey!" "How you doing there, chief?" "Who's your girlfriend?" "G" " I'm not his girlfriend." "She's not my girlfriend." "She's Ramona, and she lives over there." "Ramona." "Wait a second." "Ramona Quimby?" "Huh." "Hey, I'm Hobart." "I'm Howie's favorite uncle." "No?" "Oh." "Sorry." "Yeah." "We all heard about it." "Oh, really?" "Well, how's that beautiful Aunt Beatrice of yours doing?" "You be sure to tell her I'd love to catch up, all right?" "Hey, Howie, how'd the saddle work out?" "Did you get an "A"?" "Dad?" "Does Aunt Bea really know some weird guy named Hobart?" "Hobart?" "That's a name I haven't heard in quite a while." "Yeah, they were high school sweethearts, old Hobart and Bea." "Him?" "But he's not even her type." "And what would that type be?" "Perfect." "Oh, I'm afraid to look." "Bills, bills, bills." "It never ends, Pickle." "Did you get the job today?" " Well, I didn't get this one." " Oh." "'Cause I was thinking." "I've got the perfect job." " What?" " You should be a fireman." "Oh." "Yeah?" "Yes." "You would save people's lives... and climb gigantic Iadders." "And if it was a night alarm... you would get to put your fire suit on over your pajamas." " Whoa." " It's true, Dad." "I took a field trip." "Well, I wanna work in my pajamas... but I think you're overestimating my job skills a Iittle bit." "I'm not that versatile." " Dad." " What?" "I think you can do anything." "Don't you?" "Well..." "Hi!" "I'm home!" "We need to be there by 5:00, honey." "I've heard those parent-teacher meetings can be really boring." "They make your brain numb, they're that boring." " Nice try, Ramona." "We're going." " Yeah." "Good one, Pickle." "Honey, I wanna call the bank tomorrow and cancel the Ioan." "Bob, there's a gaping hole in the house." "I don't think we have much choice." "We 're in over our heads." "Let's wait till we 're on our feet." "Beezus, what are they talking about?" "We just have to finish it." "Hey." "And if we default?" "I 'd rather sell it than let the bank take the house." "Bank take the house." "Bank take the house." "Our house." " Can we just talk about this later, Bob?" " Okay, fine." " We're late." " Mom, wait." "No more stalling." "We're meeting with Mrs. Meacham, end of story." " Hmm?" " Be good, Iovelies." "And be good for Aunt Bea tonight" "We're off to numb our brains." "Beezus, where's the bank gonna take our house?" "It's just an expression, genius." "They don't take it anywhere." "They just sell it to someone else." "What?" "I got it." " Hello." "Oh, hi, Henry." " Beezus, we can't move." "This is our house." "We belong here." "I..." "I don't want us to leave ickitat Street." "Ramona, I am on the phone." "Aunt Bea!" " Can I" " Can I ask you something?" " Shh." "Just a minute, babe." " What's wrong?" " I just thought, I recognized someone out there." "Oh." "You mean Hobart." "Hmm." "Sounds like you've met him." "He said he wants to catch up with you." "You're kidding." "He said that to you?" "Well, that's just, That's just classic." "Aunt Bea, can I ask you something?" "I think the bank's gonna take our house." " Aunt Bea?" " Huh?" " Are you listening?" " Hmm?" "Oh." "I'm sorry." "I just- How do I put this?" " Um, you know those calluses on your hands?" " Yeah." "How the skin gets tough to protect a spot that got hurt?" "I have one of those on my heart from a really long time ago." "And if he thinks he can just come back here and start picking at it... he is sadly mistaken." "I guess you're the only one left to talk to." "I'm sorry for pulling your tail when I was little... and for trying to teach you how to play catch... and for dressing you up as an astronaut." "I know you're really old... so I'm gonna say this gently." "We're in a Iot of trouble, Picky Picky." "We need money." "And we might lose our house." "But don't worry, okay?" "I'm gonna help." "Nobody thinks I can, but I can." "I can be extraordinary." "I'm glad we agree." "Ramona, why is my desk on the lawn?" "It's a secret." "Okay, fine." "I' tell you." "I'm saving the house for Mom and Dad." "Is that Great-Grandma's crystal?" "Ramona, we never use that." "I know." "We're gonna make so much money today, Beezus." "Now, if you wanna join the team..." "I could always use a hard-working sales associate." "Um, is that "delicious"?" "Ooh!" "Customer!" "Customer!" "Ramona, please, please, please, don't call him over" "Hey, Henry, you look thirsty!" " Hi." " Hi, Henry." "Hey, Beezus." "Hi." " Selling Iemonade?" " Yeah." "Just helping out my little sister." "Like the uniform?" "Well, the Iast time I saw you in pajamas... we were playing sheep in the Christmas pageant." "But, yeah, it's a good look for you." "Huh." "Right." "Yeah." "Baa!" "Baa!" "But I think you spilled something on your shirt there." " Oh." " Gotcha." "Hello!" "Delicious lemonade, anyone?" "I..." "Yeah, I' have one." " You will?" " Yeah." "Well, that' be one dollar, please." "Exact change preferred." "Oh, Ramona, Henry doesn't have to pay." " Beezus, it's for the house." " Uh, she meant "on the house."" "No charge." "Here." " But, Beezus" " Thank you." "Beezus!" "Beezus!" " I said, shh." " But, Beezus" "That won't taste- good." "She's right." "No charge for that." "I wanna die!" "Just let me die!" "I hate my life!" " Beezus?" " No." "Go away." "Get out." "Get out." "But... what did I do that was so bad?" "You embarrassed me in front of Henry." "If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were actually trying to ruin my life." "You run around like a nutball." "You don 't care what anybody thinks." "And you even stuck me with my stupid nickname." "But I was just a baby then... and I meant to call you Beatrice." "It just came out... wrong." "Yeah, tell me about it." "How can I be normal with a name like Beezus?" "Who could ever love a girl named Beezus?" "Jesus?" "Get out!" "Mrs. Pitt, would you care for a car wash today?" "My car is in the shop today, dearie." " Wash your car?" " Just washed it myself." "ease let me wash your car, please!" "Are you the pizza man?" "No." "Hey, babe." "Hey." "How's business?" "I'm considering retirement." "Ramona's not a quitter." "Is he still out there?" "Doesn't he have anything better to do than tinker with his precious Jeep?" "Oh, look at him." "He thinks he can flash those hazel eyes and that smug little smile... and just reel me back in again." " Reel you back in?" " Yeah." " Like a sea bass." " Ew." " I know." "Exactly." "" "Here's what we do." "We head straight to the house..." "looking confident and radiant... so Hobart gets a good look at everything he missed out on, okay?" " Okay." " I'm so glad I wore my good jeans." " Ready to strut?" " I think so." " Hmm." " But what if he tries to talk to us?" " We ignore him." " Got it." "Strut and ignore" "Keep up the good work." " Excuse me." " Oh!" "Good, Bea." "Real smooth." "How are you doing there, Beatrice?" " You got a Iittle" " No." "You gotta watch out for that cross traffic, ladies." "What's the rush?" "We're ignoring you." "Now, why would you wanna do that?" "So nobody gets reeled in like a sea bass." "Oh!" "Like the fish?" "Huh." "Well, we' make sure that doesn't happen." "But it would be nice to find some time to catch up with your Aunt Bea." "I think we just did." "Excuse us." "Keep struttin', Aunt Bea." "You're doing good." "Hey, Ramona!" "That Jeep of mine could sure use a wash, don't you think?" "The poor thing's been sitting in the garage for 15 years now, Bea?" "How much to hose her off?" "Fifty dollars." " Fifty d" " No." "No, no, no." " Mm-hmm." "No, I would never take advantage of you Iike that, Ramona." "That Jeep is my pride and joy." "For you to wash it, and a "delishus" custom hand-wash at that..." "I'm gonna have to insist on, uh" "I don't know- an even... hundred bucks?" "Really?" "Yeah." "Really." "Not a penny less." "One hundred dollars?" "Yeah." "Oh, just, uh, one little condition." "Bea gets to chat with me." "Yeah, we can sit inside, like the old car washes." "What do you say, Bea?" "Like I said, it'd be nice to catch up." "ease, please, please." "How fast can you wash his car?" " Milady." " Huh." "I'm regretting this already." "It's like time stood still in here." " I'd swear I was back in high school." " Mm-hmm." "The good old days." "I wouldn't mind going back for a while." "Maybe I could, you know, figure out where I messed up." "Oh, ancient history." "I've moved on." "Yeah, I' say." "Back off, Romeo." "I think she likes me." "Don't bet on it." "Stay cool, Aunt Bea." "So I' be heading off to aska in a few weeks." "After I get this thing up and running, I am back on the road... and out of your hair for the next few years." "Well, my hair thanks you." "But it was inspired of you... bribing my niece just to talk to me, Mr. Moneybags." "Well, a hundred bucks is a bargain." "Between you and me, I was willing to go much higher." "Oh, really?" "Times have changed." "This from the guy who bought me a ring for my sweet 16... straight from a gum ball machine." " Oh, yeah." "That's right." " I even had to lend you the quarter." "Let's face it." "I wanted that ring to be real." "You always knew it was disposable." "Just you and me in a nutshell." "Yeah." "Coming through." "Ooh!" "What do we have here?" "Oh, no!" " "You and Me Forever Mix"?" " Oh, Hobart!" "Could these be the romantic stylings of the young Beatrice?" "Oh, don't play it." "Oh, Hobart, that's embarrassing." " ease don't play it." " Of course I'm gonna play it." "This is so embarrassing." "Howie, help!" "She's getting reeled in." "Whoo!" " Howie!" " Ramona!" "She's getting reeled in!" "Hobart, do something!" "I'm afraid to look." "No, no, no." "The surface was wet." "He tried hosing it off." "How do we get it off without damaging the paint job underneath?" "And if we bring it in, how much?" "Ballpark?" "What is that, hundreds?" " Thousands?" " No." "No." "Try this guy." "Well, this is gonna cost us a fortune." "Hello." "I'd, Yes, I'll hold." "I..." "I'm so sorry." "It's all my fault." "You're sorry?" "Uh, I'm sorry, because now that I'm looking at it from a distance..." "I realize that I should be thanking you." "I mean, look at it." "It's" " It's camouflaged." "And from what I hear, the icy askan terrain looks" "looks just like that." "So I can just sneak right up on those polar bears." "I don 't even have to get out of my Jeep." "Well, I 'm" " I 'm glad you Iike it?" " I Iove it." " Hey, Hobart, are you crazy?" " You're not gonna leave it like that." " No, no, no." "No, no." "I paid for something "delishus," and look what I got- an Easter egg." "What do you think, Bea?" "That a good look for me?" "Sure." "It might even bring out your sensitive side." "Next time we clean the neighbor's garage... it's coming out ofyour allowance, not mine, Picasso." "For your records, my dear." "Now I have less money than I started with... and I started with zero." "How about you focus on things around the house instead?" "Like being a good helper, getting along with your sisters." "I can feed Roberta, Mommy." "Don't worry about a thing." "I' do it." "Here's the peas and a spoon." "Work some magic." "That's my girl." "Ooh, look!" "Here comes the..." "intergalactic space lava." "Ramona, she's an infant." "She doesn't know what intergalactic space lava is." " I don't even know what that is." " Oh, you butt out, Beez" "Uh, I mean, thank you for your feedback." "I Iove feedback." "Love it." "Any progress today?" "Yeah." "I, um..." "I got a couple of leads, but..." "I don't know if I'm executive material anymore." "Could be time to try something else." " Like what?" " Fireman!" "Fireman, fireman." "Fireman." "I don't know." "You know, something creative." "Uh" " I used to be a creative guy." "Yeah, well... if you find a job that pays you to be creative and have fun... then maybe you can give them my resume too." "Guess what!" "It's picture day tomorrow." "Oh!" "That's good." "Seeing your picture always cheers me up." "Me too." "And I' make sure it's the best picture ever, ever." "It' be... dazzling." "We expect nothing less." "Say "peas."" ""Peas, please."" "Mom, I got Roberta to eat her peas." "Yummy peas." "That is disgus..." "I mean... what a darling little sister." "I wish there were 10 of you." ""Royal Peanut Butter." "There's a bit of magic in every jar."" "Is that one of your favorites?" "That's the racket we gotta get you into." "'Cause those kids make millions." "Beezus, do you think I could be in a commercial like that?" "Sure." "You'd make a great frog." " Hey." " Hold still." "I'm almost done." "It's picture perfect, right?" "Let's be realistic, Ramona." "This is a curling iron, not a magic wand." "But all things considered, I'd say you've never looked better." "I Iove it!" "Thanks, Beezus." "Ribbit!" "How your mom kept things running so smooth beats me." "Dad, since the room's almost done... have you decided who's gonna get it for sure?" "Why?" "You know somebody who's interested?" "Mm-hmm." "Okay, Iet me think about it, 'cause I Iike your persistence." "Yes." "The answer's still no." "Okay" "Wow." "You are definitely dazzling, Pickle." " right, go smile big and make us proud." " Bye, Dad." "Bye, Beezus." "Bye, Roberta." "So I'm gonna take this... and stick it right in the mouth to make it look like fire." "Whoa." "You look fancy, Susan." "My mother helped me pick out the perfect ensemble." "She's in real estate, so she knows a Iittle something about presentation." "She could help you too, Ramona, if you want a consultation." " My mom lets me pick out my own clothes." " We can tell." "Excuse me." "What are you doing?" "I'm loading my grape-a-pult." "Watch and learn." "And what was the purpose of that?" "The question is, can anybody top it?" "Have you ever seen the proper way to crack a hard-boiled egg?" "Take notes if you want to, Susan." ""Say cheese."" "Next." " Say "cheese."" " Better just smile then, nice and big." "Next." " Say "cheese."" " Egg in her hair?" "That's a new one." "Next." " Say "cheese."" " Cheese." "How come you always tell us to say "cheese"?" " Don't you get tired of "cheese"?" " As a matter of fact, I do." "Next." "Say... "peas."" "Just when you thought it was safe to open the mail." "I'm sorry about that raw egg, kiddo." "I guess I really messed that one up." " I Iook like a troll." " No, you don't." "Yeah, she totally does." "Hey." "Maybe it's not "terrifical."" "But this is definitely a keeper." "This is going in my wallet." "Come on." "You wanna help me fold?" "I'd just mess it up, Dad." "Admit it." "I'm a nuisance." " You are not a nuisance." " Mrs. Meacham says I'm a nuisance." " And she's a professional." " You know what I think?" "You just have so much energy, sometimes it gets away from you." "I'm not saying that energy's bad." "It's just you gotta learn how to control it." "I mean, come on, let's be honest here." "Two months ago, you couldn't trust me with the laundry, and now?" " Doesn't that look good?" " Yeah." "Yeah. right." "You just gotta try, kiddo." "We're both gonna turn this around." "Just keep trying, kiddo." " Okay." " That's my girl!" "Hey." "Whoa!" "Let me help you there." "Hey." "Hey." "Morning doughnut." " Whoa!" " Oh!" "Who would Iike to put this up?" " And what does that spell?" " Delicious." "Bye!" "I ' miss you guys!" "Sweetie, you should come and celebrate with us." " What am I celebrating?" " Well, you've been working so hard... we thought you'd be kind of excited about getting your own room." "T-minus three, two, one, blastoff!" "Ramona!" "Stop making so much noise." "Sorry." "I 'm just enjoying my new room." "Stop gloating." "It's not polite." "I 'm not gloating." "I'm bouncing." "Well, if you want your junk, you better go grab it now." "Anything left over goes to Goodwill." "Remember me, Ramona?" "Baa!" " Stop!" " Help me!" "Give it back." " Baa!" " Give it back." "So, what do you think?" "Uh." "That's far enough." "This is a no-pest zone." "Well, who needs you..." "or your dumb teenager room?" " I Iike it by myself." " Uh-huh." "Sure you do." "When the lights go out, and then you start thinking... about all the noises and the monsters... and then you realize you didn't check underyour bed... not carefully... don't come knocking on my door." "If you make it that far." "Slithering beast... that feeds on pests with bad report cards." "Picky Picky?" "Ramona, come on." "Let's go." "We're late." "Dad, what's another word for "sick"?" "Um, queasy?" "Nauseous?" "Like really, really sick?" "Oh." "Bilious." "Dad, I feel bilious." "I don't think school's a good call right now." "Oh." "You're in a suit." "Do you have an interview?" "Well, yeah, but I can change it if we have to." "Are you queasy sick or achy sick?" "Well, I'm kind of feeling better now." "You sure?" "Okay, well, Iet's go." "We got, Iike, 60 seconds." "Fast, Iike a fireman." "Fifty-nine, 58... 57" " Come on." "Fifty-six, 55- 54" " Bye, Dad!" " Bye!" "Hey, Ramona!" "You've gotta see this." "Come on." " What?" " Come on." "Come on, come on, come on." "Here." "Check this out." " Hobart!" " Yeah?" "Mind where you're digging." "We've got sprinkler pipes down there." "Oh, is that what I keep hitting?" "Don't worry, Mom." "Relax." "It's okay." "Oh!" " Good talk." " What do you think he's doing?" "Maybe he's digging a secret tunnel to Istanbul." "A spy network right through your very own backyard." "Or maybe this house was built on an old burial ground... and I'm unlocking an ancient curse." "Open call?" "That means anybody can audition, right?" "Ramona, they don't want just anybody." "They want a princess." " A million dollars." " Take out your instruments." "Good." "right." "Grab a seat, kids." "Let's shake this rust out and start jammin'." "One, two, three, four." "Yeah!" "Yeah, you guys are tight!" "Ramona!" "Why did you do that?" "I can't help it." "They're mesmerizing." "But you've been doing it since kindergarten, and it's getting old." "Look, I know things must be rough at home... but don't take it out on my curls." "Okay." "Hold on a second, guys." "That was good." "That was almost the song." "So, um, guitars, quick rehearsal." "Everybody else, take five." "Ramona!" "What was that about? "Rough at home"?" " Well, your dad lost his job, didn't he?" " Maybe." "Look, when people lose their jobs, you know, they start fighting... and then they get a divorce and sell their houses." "It's textbook." "Look at the bright side, Ramona." "I mean, after my dad got laid off, my mom sold her house... got a real estate license, so there's a plus." "And then my dad got a new car and moved to Tacoma." "Tacoma?" "Susan, I'm so sorry." "Well, now on my birthdays, they both give me checks, so it works out." "Okay." "Hey, Ramona?" "Would you mind taking your seat again?" "What are you doing by the window there?" "I was" "I was wondering, where is Tacoma?" " Repulsive." " Oh, boy." "right." "You can all go to lunch now." "Are you..." "Ramona, why are you wearing pajamas?" "'Cause firemen do it that way?" "I see." "Well, pajamas under your clothes and eggs in your hair." "You and your father are breaking new ground together." "You get comfortable in there." "Come on." "Come on!" "You're kidding me." "Try this one." "Okay." "No, no." "That's no good." "I think this one's gonna be good." "How'd the interview go today, Daddy?" "Well, I had to cancel the interview when the nurse called." "But there's other jobs out there." "Hey, we're not gonna let one bad day get us down." "Let's do somethin'... really special." "Just me and you." "What would you like to do?" "Think big." "Well, you know that big bridge we took when we went to Washington State?" " Yeah." " I've always wanted to stop in the middle... and have one foot in Oregon and one in Washington." " Hmm?" " That way my legs have dual citizenship." "I Iike it." "That's interesting." "Interesting notion." "Not practical because the car's kaput... but you're on the right track." "I mean, it's bold, it's daring, it's fairly inexpensive." "Come on." "Give me" " What else?" "We could draw it." "Oh!" "I've got an idea." "Let's me and you draw the longest picture in the world." "What do you think?" "Okay." "I'm gonna draw our house, and then I'm gonna draw Howie's house... and school and Mount Hood... and everything else as far as I can see." "Daddy?" "I think you draw better than anybody in the whole world." "Oh." "Well, thank you, Pickle." "You know, I studied art back in the day, as they say." "What happened?" "Did you get a bad report card?" "No." "Beezus came along." "Then I took the best job I could, and before you know it..." "I was a vice president." " Then I came along?" " Yep." "That's right." "And then Roberta." "But I wouldn't change a thing." "You girls make my Iife very colorful." " Hi." "Hey, Beezus." " Hey." " Wanna walk home?" " Sure." "Cool." "Oh, man." "When we were kids, I thought your dad was, Iike, the king of ickitat Street." "Do you remember that gorilla hunt in my backyard... when he made us set up the tents and wait there all night... with bananas and butterfly nets?" "You ended up with mashed bananas in your hair." "I had poison ivy all over me." "But it was also" " The best time we had that whole summer." " Hands down." "Yeah, well, he's not as funny these days." "Why?" "What's going on?" "He lost his job a few weeks ago... and he acts like he's not worried, for our sake, but I can tell he is." "And he should be." "What if he doesn't get something that he likes?" "What if he has to settle for something that he hates... because of... us?" "Beezus, that's a big deal." " Why didn't you tell me?" " I don't know." "I don't know." "Sometimes..." "things feel different between us." "Like it's not as easy to talk to you as it used to be, you know?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I guess." "A little." " It's not that I don't want to talk to you" " No, no." "I get you." " It's just very different." " Different." "Exactly." "Oh, gosh." "Um" " Yeah." "Thank you." "You should probably button that." "Yeah." "It's good to know some things never change." "Since my last report had some holes in it" "Mrs. Meacham gave me a do-over." "So, may I present to you... the longest picture in the world." "Excuse me, but what about the paintings in those big churches in Europe?" "I mean, aren't they longer?" "Yeah, but that's Europe." "I mean, I 'm talkin' about the whole world." "Susan, you may save your comments for later." "Ramona, go ahead." "My dad made this with me." "He could have been an artist when he was younger... but he decided to be my dad." "And he's teaching me how to draw, too, which means he's patient." "P-A-T-I-E-N-T?" "But you really need to see it close up, so come and enjoy the view." "Who can see themselves in here?" "Uh, "Looking for a princess in Portland"?" "Branding." "They' eat it up." "Yeah?" "Well, wait till they see this." "Every princess needs a Iittle sparkle." "Just mix this up." "We have three little girls." "We have to be realistic." " I can 't wait another 10 years of my life." " It's not settling!" "But what about the kids?" "They've got school, we got the mortgage." "Unbelievable." "Wait!" "Okay there, Sticky Picky." "I know you're old and creaky, too, but this is my bed tonight." "Come on." "Okay?" "Come on." "Come on." "Good man." " Dad, it's Picky Picky." " Hey." "Dad, are you and Mom getting a divorce?" "No." "This is like a time-out for the night." "Come on." "We' both be happily married in the morning." " Mwah!" "Go to bed." " Okay." "Dad, don't worry." "Things are gonna change for us." "I have a plan." "Now I am worried." "Look, Mom!" "It's the ice cream man!" "Hey." "You sure this is what you want?" " Thanks for the ride, Mr. Kemp." " No problem." "You know, you are allowed to call me Hobart if you want." "No, thank you, Mr. Kemp." "This is strictly a business relationship." " Okay." " Wow!" "Good for you." " right." " At least one of us is showing a Iittle restraint." " Break a leg, superstar." " Okay." "Next is Ruby Hirsch." "Hey, Susan." "Wow." "You look great." "Hello, Ramona." "Susan!" "How could you be a princess without your tiara?" " Hi, Mrs. Kushner." " Hello, Ramona." "Okay." "Let's go." "That looks beautiful." "Excuse me!" "Aunt Bea, I need a tiara!" "It takes a real man to be able to drive around in this." "Oh, by the way, I talked to my publisher." "He found me an apartment in Anchorage." "Very spacious." "Got great views." "Room for two." "Well." "Maybe you can find a nice polar bear to cuddle up with." "Eh, aska could be fun, Bea." "I mean, it is still the Iast great frontier." "You know that, right?" "us, it's only a two-year commitment." "Commitment was never your thing." "Okay." "Now, that's just not fair." "Bea, you've gotta give me a chance here." "Come on." "I've been traveling the world for over 10 years trying to get you out of my head." " And you know what?" " What?" "It ain't workin'." "I didn't come here for this stupid Jeep." "I came here for you." "Come with me." "Next is..." "Ramona Quimby." "My goodness." "That's quite the tiara you have there." "I designed it in the parking lot." "So tell me, why are you here today?" "'Cause my dad says that commercials are the racket to be in." "Hmm." "Twirl." "Twirl." "Okay." "Thank you, Ramona." "Don't move." "A tiara made of burrs?" "It would have worked, Dad, until I fell into their stupid sandwich." "Sandwich?" " I won't even ask." " Ow!" "You're doing it too fast!" "'Cause I'm late, Ramona." "Very late." "Sorry." "How's it look?" "Kinda trendy?" "Oh." "Yes, well, that's one way of putting it." "Listen up, ladies." "I got a two-hour drive to get to this interview... so I need you to be responsible till your mom gets home." "You have her number at the office if there's a problem... but remember, she 's under a lot of stress, so no fighting, okay?" "Beezus, you're in charge." "Baby monitor." "How come she 's always in charge?" "Um, have you seen your hair lately?" " Imagine what you'd do to our house." " Hey!" "Just try to be good- especially you." "Bye!" ""Especiallyyou."" "Ramona, I don't think making dinner is gonna distract Mom from your hair." "It's worth a shot." "Quimby residence." "Oh, hi, Henry." "I'm not sure if Beezus is available." " Give it to me!" "Stop!" "Give it to me!" " She could be in the bathroom." " Go away, you jerk!" " Wait." "What did you say?" "No, not you, Henry!" "You put him on speaker, doofus!" " I'm Beezus!" "I Iove Henry!" " Shut up!" "Should I call back later?" " No!" "I want you!" " Huh?" "I mean, I wanna talk to you right now, so now is a good time!" " Okay." " Get off!" "My hot dog souffle!" "Stop!" "Ramona!" "Ramona, move!" "Stop!" "Stop that!" "Drop it!" " No!" " I said, drop it!" "You will never change, will you?" "For a moment there, I actually thought that you were maturing... but you will always be a Iittle pest!" " I' go get her." " No!" "Just stop!" "Stop touching everything!" "Everything that you touch you mess up... including my love life." "You have a love life?" "Just feed the cat and leave me alone!" "Uh, hello?" "Okay." "I'm gonna hang up now." "Picky Picky?" "It's dinnertime." "Come on." "Let's talk." "Wake up." "Wake up, lazy bum." "Beezus!" "Beezus?" "I thought he was asleep, but he's not." "What now?" "He's dead." "Picky Picky's dead." "Don't worry." "Mom will be home soon." "She' know what to do." "No." "Remember what Dad said?" "We can't make any trouble for Mom now." "Okay." "He was a Quimby before we were, Beezus." "Picky Picky..." "I hope you have nine lives." "And maybe tomorrow... you can wake up as somebody else's cat... start a new life." "I really hope they feed you melon rind sometimes." "I know you Iike that." "I think it's important... that you know..." "Dad was just pretending to forget your name." "He always knew it." "He really did love you." "We' miss you, Picky Picky." "It's okay." "You girls had to handle all this tonight byyourselves?" "I'm sorry." "We're okay, Mom." "How did I get so lucky to have two brave girls like you?" "Hmm?" "I'm home!" "We have some news." "So do I." "I got the job." "What?" "Great position." "Start-up in eastern Oregon." "How do you girls feel about that?" "Wait." "To live there?" "But what about the house?" "We' get a new one there." "What's your news?" "Nothing." "Ramona?" "Will you sleep in here with me tonight?" "I'm not ready for a new school... with all new kids." "Me neither." "But you' do fine." "You don't always embarrass yourself like I do." "You're the most prettiest, perfect girl in high school... and everybody loves you." "Ramona, those people don't know who I am, really." "There's only one person in that whole school who really knows me." " Henry?" " Yeah." "And that took 15 years." "Who else is gonna wanna waste 15 years getting to know me?" "I would." "Ramona..." "I know that you think being different is bad... but it's not." "You don't worry about coloring inside the lines, you know?" "Huh?" "You're your own person." "You don't care what other people think." "It's brave being how you are." "Oh." "Well... sometimes I color inside the lines." "It really depends on the picture." "Yeah." "All right." "So, how does this look?" "It's perfect." "Yeah, it's great." "Why does it have to be Susan's mom?" "She's supposed to be a very good agent, sweetheart." "That's great." "Ta-da!" "Aren't you gonna help us, Ramona?" "We only have a few hours to do this." "I don't wanna help sell the house." "I wanted to save it." "Are you gonna fill these holes before you go?" "Howie wants to do it." "Why don't you get your boyfriend Hobart to help?" " He likes to dig." " Isn't that the truth?" "Now he wants me to go with him to Alaska." "Last night, he sent roses." "aska?" "Did you say yes?" "I mean, I was tempted... but if I 'm gonna uproot my entire life..." "I need some real sign of commitment." " I'm sorry, Bea." " Oh, no." "Don't be." "We had our fight, and now he's running away again." "In the Iong run, I saved myself a massive heartache... and just replaced it with a... small one." "Ramona, grab a hose and help out, okay?" "I know life stinks, but we still have to make the yard look good." "Everything will be okay, babe." "Onwards and upwards." "Oh, I see!" "Very funny." "Who did that?" "Bea?" "That's just adorable." "assy, Bea." "Very classy." "Now I gotta go inside and change all my clothes." "Real nice." "Bea." "That's for the roses, sweetheart." "They need water." "Oh!" "There it is!" "Exhibit "A"!" "The class clown hasn't changed at all!" "Oh, really?" "Okay." "That's how it is, huh?" "Howie!" "Willa Jean!" "Mom!" "Ladies, I need backup!" " Find a garden hose!" " Okay." "Come on." "I hope you get frostbite in aska!" "Be strong." "Be strong, Willa Jean." "Be strong!" "Get 'em!" "Yeah!" "Now what?" "Now what?" "Aunt Bea!" " Go, go, go!" " Hey, wait, wait, wait." "I think we won." "I think we won!" "Give me some!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Nice job, you guys." "You were animals!" "Look who's crying now!" "My pipes!" "I told you, my pipes!" " What's all the shouting about?" " Landscaping." "Oh!" "What?" "Hobart was right!" "It's an ancient curse!" "What?" "I knew it was around here somewhere!" "Bea!" "Bea, come here." "Come here." "Come here, come here, come here, come here." "Oh, Beatrice, I buried this baby a Iong time ago... and I figured I'd find it again someday when I was ready." "I still wish that I could go back and fix... all the stupid things I did when we were younger." "I guess this is as close as I can get." "You kept all this stuff?" "Yeah." "That's my gum ball ring." "Bea, I don't want to go anyplace else without you." "I Iove you." "Will you marry me?" "You will?" "Guts!" "My head is spinning!" "We must be crazy!" "We' have to go to the courthouse and make it official." "No, we ain't goin' to no stinking courthouse." "If we're gonna do something crazy, we're gonna do it with style." "We're gonna throw a real wedding." " Honey, they want you in aska in three days." " That's plenty of time." "Sure." "But what about a church or food... or, say, a wedding dress?" "You can use mine." "You always said you liked it." " We can just alter it." " Yeah!" "See?" "I Iike that idea." " There you go!" " Hand-me-downs." "It never ends, Ramona." "Yeah." "We get the word out, we book a band... boom- we got a wedding!" "People can bring their own food, their own chairs." "All we need is a little love and a few bridesmaids." "Oh!" "I 've always wanted to be a bridesmaid." "Ah!" "Well, that was easy." "Anybody else?" " Ramona?" "Ramona?" " What do you say?" "Will you do us the honor?" "Ramona?" "Sea bass!" " See what?" " Oh, it's an inside joke." "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "You said you wouldn't get reeled in." "You said I would always have you around!" "Hey, Ramona?" "Get back here and apologize." "Honey, please come talk to me." "You have room for a piano." "Also, look at this built-in desk." "It's fabulous." "Here." " Ramona?" " Stuff that's to go around here, right?" "Ramona!" "Help, anybody!" " Oh, Ramona!" " Whoa, whoa!" " Got you!" "I got you!" "Come on, honey." " Okay." "Hold on." "We got you!" "We saw your underpants." "Hey, enough." "Hey, enough." "Stop the teasing." "Go outside." "Happens all the time." "Thank you." "Okay, Ramona, that's it." "These antics of yours gotta stop right now." "You're making our lives really difficult." "I thought I made it colorful, Dad." "Not in the middle of our open house." "Come on!" "You said you were gonna be more responsible." "It's time to grow up." "Dad, can't you see I'm trying?" " Well, you gotta try harder." " Dad?" " Mrs. Meacham's on the phone." "She needs to talk to you." " Oh, great." "What now?" "Sweetie." " Ramona, your father was just" " Mom!" "I 'm nine years old." "I think I can tell when I'm not wanted." "I just have to run away." " Ramona, don't be silly." "You're not gonna run away." " No, I mean it." "Well, I'm sorry to hear that." "How long will you be gone?" "I mean, just in case people start asking." "Forever." "Well, in that case, I think you're gonna need a bigger suitcase." "Okay." "Now, I've added your dad's old sweater." "I don't want you to get cold at night." "It's a Iittle big on you now, but you' eventually grow into it." "Oh, and do you plan on brushing your teeth?" "That's my girl." "I packed your toothbrush and your toothpaste." "Okay?" "Just promise me that you' brush your teeth every single night." "There you go." "righty." "Don't forget to write." "Daddy." "Gettin' on or not?" "Ramona?" "Sweetie?" "Ramona?" "M-Mom?" " Ramona?" " Mom!" "Yes." "Where are you?" " Can you hear me?" "Mom?" " Ramona, sweetie?" "You made my bag heavy on purpose." "Well, what else was I supposed to do, huh?" "I'd be just lost without my Ramona." "I'm sorry." "I just thought you all would be better off without me." "You don't think we'd let you get away that easy, do you?" "You're a Quimby for life." "I hope nobody I know sees us out here." "We're so weird." "In sickness and in health." " For richer or for poorer." " For richer or for poorer." "And I promise my love to you." "And I promise my love to you." "And I promise my love to you." "May I have the rings, please?" "Pull it off." "Well..." "Don't panic, folks." "It's only plastic." "Ramo..." "Oh." "Babe?" "Ah." "Look at you." "Nice work, Ramona." "Hobart, that's..." "That's..." "That's..." "That's real." "Yeah, and I still owe you that quarter." "And I'm gonna spend the rest of my Iife trying to pay it back." "Thank you." "Hobart, you may kiss the bride." "All right, Beatrice." "This song is dedicated to you from Hobart." "Hey, buddy." "Okay." "One, two." "There we go." "That's good." " Hey, Beezus, I 've been looking for you." " hi." " Nice wedding, huh?" " Yeah." "Okay, listen." "Um, Beezus." "I know that you're moving, and that's bad." "But in a way it's also good, because..." "I would never have the guts to say this if you weren't." "So..." "I don't think of you as a friend." "No, I mean" " No." "That came out wrong." "I mean, I think about you, Iike, a Iot, all the time." "It's just" " Oh, no." "You're laughing." "Why are you laughing?" "Um" " No, I'm sorry." "I'm listening." "I am." "It's just" "You've got something on your shirt." "Gotcha." "Yeah." "Um, we should probably go dance while we can... 'cause the band has a curfew, so" "Yeah, Iet's dance." "Okay." "I think it's time for the father-daughter dance." "You did a wonderful job today, Pickle." "You were a perfect bridesmaid." "Thank you." " Dad?" " Yeah?" "What were you and Mrs. Meacham just talking about?" "'Cause whatever I did wrong, I probably didn't mean it." "Well, believe it or not, we weren't talking about you at all." "Really?" "Yeah, she was talking about an opening... for an art teacher at your school next term." "Remember when she called the house the other day?" "Well, she told me that she passed that mural of ours on to the principal... who mentioned it to the superintendent." "Long story short, it's crummy pay, it's part-time." "I hear some of those kids down at your school can be a real handful." "Oh!" "But I'm thinking I'm gonna take it." "Oh, my gosh!" "That's better than a fireman!" "I know." "I owe it all to you, Ramona." "You told me I could do anything." "It took me this long to believe it." "You really did save us, kiddo." "Beezus!" "Beezus!" "We don't have to move anymore!" " Mrs. Meacham!" " Yes." " I don't have to move anymore." " I know." "We' be together for the rest of the year." "I shall pace myself accordingly." "Thanks for helping my dad." "I just passed along the mural." "You're the one who inspired it." "I may not be an art critic, but I certainly know something "terrifical" when I see it." "Go on, now." " Shake your booty." " Okay." "Oh!" "Bye!" "Oh, bye, Mom" " I ' call you from aska." " Okay." "Drive safely." "Wait!" "Don't go yet!" "Don't go yet, Aunt Bea!" "So you can always have me around." "Ramona, you're extraordinary." "Bye!" " Bye!" " We love you!" "Hey!" "This one goes out to you and yours, worldwide." "It's true." "You call me?"