"We're back With vince vaughn." "We were Just talking before The commercial break" "About Your upcoming movie" "And what You play in it." "It's called clay pigeons, is it?" "Yeah, it's called clay pigeons," "And I play a character Named lester long," "Who's sort of A drifter." "You do a lot Of independent" "Uh, small, Independent movies," "And I salute you." "You make really Good choices." "Well, I appreciate it." "And great To have you here" "Towards the end here On our last few weeks." "I really appreciate it, Especially with Your show winding down." "Yeah, it is." "It must be an Interesting time for you." "So, thanks for having Me and, you know," "Good luck." "You must have a lot of Opportunities after this." "I do have a lot of Opportunities." "I" "[Inhales deeply]" "Wow." "The party's over, huh?" "[Laughing]" "You must have Nothing going on now, As they say, huh, Hank?" "Well, it's not Nothing going on." "I got a couple of irons In the fire." "Really." "Well, I mean" "I mean, what kind Of irons" "Do you possibly Have going on?" "Well, nothing big." "I mean, nothing like," "You know, Your career" "The blurry, out-of-focus, Independent film." "Right, right, right." "Which blurry, Independent film Are you talking about?" "Are you talking about the lost world:" "jurassic park," "Which was one of the Highest grossing films In history?" "[Cheers and applause]" "Well, it was-- It was gross, all right." "What did they do at-- When they called you" "To the places." "Did they say, uh," ""Mr. Vaughn, and the rest Of you dinosaurs."" "[Laughs]" "Why don't We take a break?" "I can tell you-- I can tell you this." "Hank doesn't even Have a fire," "Let alone irons." "We'll be right back." "No flipping." "That was a very Funny memory." "Hey, man, just so You know, I just" "I was playing with you." "Nothing personal." "Hey, man, would you Take it personally" "If I told you that You were nothing" "But the flavor Of the month?" "Are you for real?" "Because you are." "And next month, There's gonna be Another flavor." "Jerk." "Fucking asshole." "Bitter fucking Asshole." "Oh, Beverly," "I want you To take my car" "To premier auto Detailers tomorrow," "And don't let That toothless Ukrainian guy near it." "Only give the keys To caro-- to caro!" "And don't forget To tip him 2 bucks." "Uh, Hank?" "When does Brian get back?" "Oh, who knows how long These gay cruises last." "They're in International waters." "They can do anything." "Mary lou:" "Beverly?" "Oh, my god." "What's wrong?" "I just hit Hank's car." "When?" "Just now!" "You're not parked Anywhere near Hank's car." "You're in another lot." "I know." "I'm such a bad driver." "Well, what happened?" "I was coming over here To pick up some stuff," "And I ran into The back of his car." "It's like I was drunk." "Well, are you?" "Now?" "Well, which car Did you hit?" "I don't know." "It was really big And foreign," "Kind of like A big boat." "Oh, god." "Oh." "You hit his bentley." "Is that bad?" "It's really bad, right?" "[Knock on door]" "Hey, Artie." "Artie: norman, I thought I smelled hype in the air." "What, too heavy?" "No." "Not for The prince of p.R." "Where's Larry?" "I would calculate At this very moment" "He's at sunset And Beverly glen." "Oh, damn." "I wanted to run An idea by you guys" "For the interview We're doing for extra." "Go ahead." "Ok." "Larry Sanders poolside." "You know, "Legend in repose."" "Sunlight makes The legend squint." "Ok, how 'bout" "On a veranda Sipping iced tea." "You know, "Larry at leisure."" "How 'bout in The living room On the couch?" "You know, "Larry In the living room" "On the couch."" "That's good, too." "Did you get the topics From momo yet?" "Momo?" "Maureen o'boyle." "We go way back." "Please..." "Don't ask." "Please don't tell." "We were lovers in '88" "And again in '92." "Really?" "What was-- What was that like?" "Oh, norman, Please don't pry." "It was hot-- Heh heh-- very hot." "What am I going to do?" "I don't know what to do." "You're gonna tell him." "That's all you're gonna do." "And-- But" "Say, Beverly..." "My rear Left quarter panel" "Was jammed Against my tire," "So I can't drive My car." "Oh, this really Messes up everything" "Because I can't go" "To the habitat For fucking Humanity banquet" "In a dented bentley Because some shitbag" "Smashed into My fucking car!" "Oh, if i..." "Catch who did this..." "Wait a second." "Oh..." "Wait a second here." "I know who it was." "Hank-- It was" "Vince fucking vaughn." "Hank, i" "Vince fucking vaughn!" "Beverly?" "Would you get Vince vaughn's Home address for me?" "Why?" "[Whispering] I don't know." "Uh..." "I'm just gonna Let him cool down." "Hank: fucker!" "Fucker!" "Look, it's only Going to get worse." "He thinks vince vaughn did it." "You need to tell him now." "Could" "Couldn't I just leave him A note?" "You go in there And tell him now." "V-a-u-g-h-n." "Uh, my guess Would be west hollywood." "[Laughing]" "Unlisted." "Like anyone Gives a shit." "[Knock on door] Come in!" "I'm very sorry about what Happened to your car." "You know, I get into A lot of accidents." "Like, I don't know why." "I just do." "I have 5 or 6 a year." "Or 7." "Sometimes I get in" "It was 7 this year." "Wait, wait, wait." "Let me Understand something." "You get in 5 or 6 accidents a year," "And your car is a..." "It's a jetta." "I'm" " I'm sorry." "What?" "It's an '85 jetta." "It's an '85 jetta." "And you are asking me To equate that" "With a $200,000 Handcrafted bentley?" "Is that what you're saying?" "No." "I don't think so." "I don't understand What you're saying." "Well, I think what I'm trying to say..." "Yes?" "Please." "Is how great I thought you were" "On the "shabad" telethon This year." "Oh." "Thanks." "It's "chabad."" "Oh, chabad, of course." "It was great." "Thank you." "Let me Tell you something." "No one really knows How hard chabad is." "I mean, 10 minutes Of dancing that hora..." "That's A fucking marathon." "Oh, i'll bet." "Well, you're in great shape." "That's probably why." "From all that dancing." "Thanks." "Keep it up." "Did you tell him yet?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Uh, yes, uh, vaughn." "Vincent vaughn." "V-a-u-g-h-n." "I don't know." "Try the fucking valley." "Larry, You almost ready?" "Just about." "Good." "One more coat of makeup And i'll be, uh," "Ready for the winter." "Thanks a lot." "That's the good thing About retiring." "You won't have To wear makeup everyday." "Well, you know, I enjoy the makeup." "I'm actually wearing a #40 Emotional block right now." "Oh, I already sense A magical chemistry In this room." "Oh, arthur, My goodness." "You look wonderful." "It's your reflection In my eyes." "Oh, you're so sweet." "How are you?" "It's been A long time." "Maybe we can catch up For dinner tonight." "Good idea." "I'd love that." "Uh, Artie, This is maureen." "Maureen, Artie." "Never mind." "Anyway, I'm set to go Whenever you are." "Good." "We're Just about ready." "This what I'm like." "Sorry if it's disappointing." "[Laughing]" "Maureen: just have A conversation with me." "Just keep focused On me, and don't look" "At the cameras, If you will, ok?" "Ok." "[Laughs] I know You can't stand this," "But I think It's important" "That people Hear from you." "First of all I gotta say," "This is A cool house." "Very." "Thank you." "Thank you." "It seems kind Of big, though, For just one person." "You know what?" "This house was actually In architectural digest," "And then I think It went to its head." "That's so funny." "But it's a nice house." "It was designed mostly For interviews like this," "So that's great." "It's perfect." "Yep." "Let's talk about The show." "I cried." "No." "You were funny, And then you cried." "I mean, I was wetting myself." "It's the perfect Interview arc." "Really." "Yes." "Well, here's how I saw it." "I cried." "Now I'm fucked." "It was a manly misting." "Really?" "What about the part" "Where I grabbed The tissues?" "That's what I thought." "Why not just televise My shrink sessions?" "Would you be interested In doing that?" "You know, fellas," "From the bottom of What's left of my heart..." "Take care of this." "You got it." "Don't worry." "Okay, look, Artie, I can make a call, But i'll be honest with you." "They never edit out The crying." "That's the come shot." "I agree." "Call her." "What-- you're having dinner With her tonight." "It's not a business dinner." "All dinners Are business dinners." "Um, that's Larry's." "Well, can I have a plate?" "Well, maybe i'll leave The knife out for you." "[Clears throat]" "Hi." "Beverly, could you Excuse us for a minute?" "Mm-hmm." "Excuse me." "Hello, Hank." "Hello." "I really need To talk to you." "Ok." "Um, do you want some-- Do you want some fruit?" "No." "Thank you." "I've just been, um," "Trying to talk to you About something..." "All right." "But it's Very difficult." "Well, what's So difficult?" "The thing that I want To talk to you about." "[Clicks tongue]" "[Whispering] oh..." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I wanted to tell you." "I" " I got it." "You do?" "Oh, yes." "I can't believe i-- I'm sorry." "No." "I didn't Recognize it before now." "I know." "You got a crush on me." "[Laughs]" "Ok, ok." "Well, now that the hard Part's out of the way," "Um, would you have Dinner with me tonight?" "Great." "[Sighs]" "You're so beautiful, Maureen." "Thank you." "Gee, I almost forgot" "I have a small request To ask you." "Yes." "Anything." "Uh..." "Wondering if you could see Your way clear to make a" "Just a tiny trim In Larry's interview." "A trim?" "What part?" "Well, nothing significant." "Just where he cries." "That is the best part Of the interview, arthur." "Where we finally see Who Larry really is." "It's the part he hides every Single night on the show." "Exactly." "So why show it?" "It's like revealing the way The magic trick works." "It is A fabulous interview." "I am not gonna cut it." "If you were a producer, Would you cut it?" "Only if you asked me." "Are you telling me" "That I have a bottle Of champagne waiting At home for nothing?" "Champagne?" "[Speaking french]" "[Laughs]" "[Sniffing]" "Giorgio." "Oh, that was A great interview." "[Both laughing]" "Beverly?" "I just want you to know I really appreciate All your help this week." "You're welcome, Hank." "And if it's not too much An imposition," "I'd really like you to do me A special favor." "What is that?" "Well, I know you're Really uncomfortable" "With doing personal Errands for me," "But for this, If you could make An exception," "I'd really, Really be grateful." "I'd like you to" "And please keep An open mind" "Find some dog shit," "Take it over To the fox lot," "And smear it on Vince vaughn's car." "Hank, have you lost Your mind?" "Is that a yes?" "What do you think?" "All right." "I'll do it myself." "Maybe I could talk About that" "Because the real estate agent," "You know how They're kind of shysters?" "Mm-hmm." "You know?" "I won't say what nationality He was," "But he was showing me around," "And at the beginning It's really great." "You know, He's walking me around." "[Imitating asian man] "Oh, spacious backyard." ""Lots of room For roominess." ""Black-bottom pool" ""For hollywood Showbiz parties." "Movie star Like yourself."" "And I go, "Yeah, great, cool."" "And then when I finally Pay the big bucks And rent it," "He's just Whisking me through." "It's all different." "Now he's like, "kitchen, Bathroom, let's go."" "And I go, "can I see The backyard?"" "He goes, "fuck that." "It's like a spider Convention out there."" "Hey, I thought I heard That beautiful laugh." "What's going on?" "What's so funny?" "Heh heh." "We're just doing A pre-interview." "Oh, sorry." "Go ahead." "Don't let me interrupt." "So, what's The biggest difference" "Between doing saturday night live" "And doing a sitcom?" "Oh, well, uh," "It's weird coming from saturday night live" "'Cause, uh, On the sitcom now" "I'm the only backstabber In the room." "Oh." "So I don't really" "You want to have dinner Tonight at my place?" "I mean, i'll cook, And, you know," "We can watch Larry On extra." "What do you think, hmm?" "Mm-hmm." "Great." "Great." "That would be" "Um, excuse me." "I have to get A drink of water." "Sure." "Hey, bring Your bathing suit." "[Laughs] Uh-huh." "She's, uh, She's a great girl." "You stay away From her, shorty." "He asked you to come To his house for dinner?" "I know!" "Ok, let me Ask you something." "Do you have A crush on this guy?" "No!" "Then why else aren't You telling him?" "All you have To do is tell him" "You hit his car." "I don't like Guys like Hank." "I like sensitive guys Like musicians." "Marylou, he is planning to put Dog poop on vince vaughn's car." "Or painters." "I like painters." "Oh, my god." "Oh!" "[Whispering] Tell him." "Tell him." "We're back with, uh, Jimmy belushi." "Jimmy, now this is your" "This is your new cd." "Yes." "My only cd, My first cd, my new cd." "And it's called 36-22... 36." "And what kind Of music is it?" "Uh, it's rhythm and blues." "It's, uh, you know" "A little soul, A little swing in it," "But mainly Blues stock, you know?" "Uh, 36-22-36." "We look forward to Having you on some time" "To play and to sing." "We'll do that." "I wish we had time tonight," "But, of course, We've got ben folds five." "They're supposed To be hot." "Well, you want to stay And watch them?" "I'd love to watch." "Then you can tell them What they're doing Wrong and so forth." "I can coach 'em A little bit." "We are so lucky To have my next guests." "This is Their current cd," "Uh, called whatever and ever amen." "And I'm a big fan." "Their gonna sing" "A new song called "Theme from dr." "Pyser."" "Please welcome Ben folds five." "[Cheers and applause]" "I hear you're interview On extra is gonna be On tonight, right?" "Yeah." "How did it go?" "Great." "Have you ever seen Tim allen on extra?" "No." "Oh, man." "He blubbered Like a fucking baby." "No." "I mean, it was The funniest goddamn thing" "You'd ever want to see." "I mean, he's, like," "Bawling and talking About his family." "And he's bawling." "Really?" "Yeah." "Then they put These strings on," "You know, behind it." "I mean," "It made it worse." "I mean, come on." "Give me a fucking break." "What a pussy." "Pussy, man." "Hey, I got" "A copy of the tape." "I'll give it to you." "I didn't know You cooked, Hank." "Well..." "Fondue." "I mean, any retard Can melt cheese." "[Tv playing newscast]" "Ah, shit." "It's hot." "Aren't you supposed to have Stuff to dip in it?" "Ah, no." "I don't think so." "Sportscaster: and are now 13-1-1 on the season." "In other action, The blizzard downed The rowdies 3-1," "And the tornadoes Bested the lizards 2-1." "On the courts, Lendl and becker..." "Larry's gonna Be on soon." "Here." "Oh, no, no." "Let me help you With that." "See, this is, uh, Volume up." "Announcer:" "This is extra." "Now here's Maureen o'boyle." "Thanks for joining us." "Tonight the man everyone In hollywood" "Has been waiting To hear from." "It's an extra exclusive." "Larry Sanders finally speaks." "Thanks." "I think I got it." "Ok." "Maureen:" "This is a cool house." "Very." "Big, though, For just one person." "Larry: this house Was actually in architectural digest," "And then I think It went to its head." "Let's talk about The show." "Ok." "It seems to me that You're passing the baton" "To Jon Stewart." "Well, I'd like to think Of it more as a torch..." "Look at us." "We're like A choo-choo here." "[Imitating train]" "Yes, I think he'll do A great job." "He's a wonderful guy." "Artie: ahh..." "Here." "Drink up." "No, no." "I don't want anymore." "Let's see What else is on." "What are you doing?" "Oh, look." "Hey!" "Bone fishing On the flats." "That's Very exciting." "Oh, come on." "I want to" "What are you doing?" "Larry: probably." "You know, it's a grind..." "This is good." "You know, Night after night." "People forget..." "It takes a lot Of discipline, dedication" "What about the people?" "The people, like," "You mean the audience And so forth?" "No, the people You work with" "Like Artie and Hank." "You know, Hank..." "Is like a brother That I sort of Never had." "Really." "Uh..." "One time I lost my cat" "And he, uh..." "He brought me Another cat." "And, uh" "[Crying]" "[Laughing] Oh, god, no." "Honey, honey, Look at this." "Larry's crying." "Look at that." "Like a big baby!" "[Laughing]" "Larry, what are you doing?" "I gotta record this." "I gotta record this." "I gotta record this." "Artie: she didn't cut it!" "Larry: he had this cat And he named it patches," "But yet it was, um, All one color..." "She wouldn't cut it!" "I couldn't get her To cut it." "You know What a slut I am" "Around giorgio perfume And I just, um..." "I just have No will of my own." "Larry: he once gave me A painting of a tree" "That he made, and, uh..." "[Crying]" "[Quietly] Oh, Larry, Larry..." "Larry:" "I think It was a tree." "I don't know." "I couldn't even ask him" "Because it would Hurt his feelings..." "It was a tree." "[Larry sighs]" "Larry:" "My assistant's so loyal." "Such a loyal woman..." "Hey, look!" "There's The same couch" "We're sitting On right there." "Shut up." "Hank, you're Really upset." "I didn't know You were so sensitive." "[Giggling]" "All right, All right, all right." "Mmm..." "Ok, ok." "Maureen: you're Joking sort of," "But I think that Underneath there," "You really do hurt." "I hit your car." "[Interview continues]" "Vince vaughn." "Did you put shit On my car, Hank?" "Get up, Hank!" "Did you Put shit on my car, huh?" "Uh..." "Did you put shit On my car, Hank?" "Uh, I was just Writing you a note." "Can i-- can I read it To you?" "Please?" ""Dear mr." "Vaughn:" "I am sorry about the shit I put on your car."" "So you did put shit On my car, didn't You, Hank, huh?" "There's more." "Can you move that?" ""Please forgive me." ""The girl I'm dating Is crazy" ""And didn't tell me She hit my car," ""So I assumed It was you." ""Women-- what are You going to do?" ""By the way, I thought swingers" ""Was a hoot and a half." "Regards, Hank Kingsley."" "You know, I dated a crazy girl One time, too." "When I broke up With her, she kept Leaving dead stuff" "On my porch For about 6 months." "Oh, bummer." "Mainly squirrels." "Squirrels?" "Yeah." "Oh, bitches." "I know." "Phil:" "Good morning, Larry." "Morning." "Hey, man, look." "I just wanted to say That I saw that interview" "That you did Last night." "And it was Really touching." "Appreciate it." "And I just wanted To say thanks." "Thank you." "Larry, that was So sweet last night." "Thanks." "Larry, I just-- Fine." "[Sighs] You know what, buddy?" "They feel closer to you." "I" " I can't live like this."