"You're a sellout!" "You're a Ronald McDonald paint job!" "Hey!" "I don't like the "p" word." "Brian:" "Oh!" "Sorry, nurse." "We thought the new doctor was coming in." "She did just come in." "First of all, you mean "he" just came in." "[ Laughs ]" "No, I most definitely did not mean "he."" " I'm an Aquarius." " You're an aquarius." "What a coincidence." "I'm bisexual." "And that's why I'm leaving Childrens Hospital." "And I will never, ever return." "And so I would like to take this chance to say..." "Insecure slut." "I know you're bulimic." "You're my Nemesis." "Don't really know you." "I've always loved you." "And last but not least..." "Pass." "[ Mid-tempo music plays ]" "Hey, did you guys hear about that thing about sports?" "Yeah." "Ugh!" "I hate men." "On the way here, some guy asked me to flash my breasts." " Did he have a video camera?" " Not even." "Oh, then I'm just as mad as you are." "I'm just..." "I'm tired of being objectified." "You know what you should do?" "You should get naked." "You'd be making a statement, reclaiming your nudity." "You know what?" "You're right." "I..." "I am no longer going to be shackled by these objects of... of oppression." "From now on, this emperor has new clothes." "Skin clothes." "Can I crash here for a while?" "Um..." "Sure." "Oh, God." "Um, funny story." "Uh, I got a new landlord, and she doesn't like clowns." "Weird." "I mean, who doesn't like clowns?" "Anyway, there's a special sink for you in the corner, you and all your clownfolk, if they ever come over, which you have to run by us, of course." " And the answer is no." " Cool." "Hey, did you guys hear about that thing about sports?" " Cat:" "Follow me, Blake." " Okay, thanks." "Hey, totally unrelated." "Are you naked right now?" "Okay, you're gonna feel a little pinch." "Ow!" "Brian:" "Righteous." "I'm looking for Dr. Lola Spratt:" "Tall, skin like an airbrushed centerfold, legs that go all the way up to make an ass out of themselves." "Huh." "Lola is a girl's name." "I thought girls can't be doctors." "Maybe I'm looking for a girl to play doctor." "What happened?" "You left here out of the blue." "Well, I'm back now." "I'm back now." "You should be careful." "Once you come back, you never go back." "Hey, did you hear about that thing about politics?" "Don't even." "Hey, you guys didn't use my concealer, did you?" "Yeah." "Sorry." "I used a little on my back." "Speaking of makeup, how are we gonna get Blake out of here?" "[ Valerie sighs ] I know." "I mean, I feel kind of bad not letting him use the front door, but that's just the way things are." "Glenn:" "I don't feel bad." "He wants to live here, he follows the rules of society." "He speaks only when spoken to, he's not allowed to vote, and he eats all his meals under the kitchen table." " I'm gonna go take a shower." " Glenn:" "I'll join you." "I'm gonna take a shower on the way to work." "Yeah." "Looks like you've had a pretty bad pinch here." "Does it hurt when I do this?" "Ow!" "Hey." " I'm Dr. Brian." " Hi." "I used to work here, but I left several years ago to be a consultant on a TV medical drama." "Oh, right, "Black Hospital," starring Marlon Wayans." "I loved that program." "Do you know him?" " Wayans?" " Yeah." "Taught him everything he knows." "[ Both laugh ]" "That's funny." "I'm sure you didn't teach him everything he knows." "I mean, you probably only taught him what it's like to be... a black doctor." "You got me." "[ Laughs ]" "He knows way more than just the black-doctor stuff." "Hey, do you want to get a drink after work?" "You know, maybe I can show you some of the things that Marlon Wayans taught me." "About having sex." "Oh!" "I..." "I can't." "Lola's my friend, and, um, I'm also pretty racist." " Hey!" " Hi." "Hey." "Hey, the women here off limits." "You didn't see me on the set of" ""Black Hospital" trying to bang Marlon Wayans, did you?" "We're not dating anymore." " You dated Marlon Wayans?" " I meant me and you." " Well, there is no me and you." " That's what I just said." "Well, yeah, but in a roundabout kind of way." "Then how about this?" "I can date whoever I want." "Yeah?" "Well, I'm pretty well-liked around here, and if I give the word, then you're gonna be on the black list, if you get my double meaning." "Blake, aren't you looking for the multicolored rest room?" "Not today." "[ Lola gasps ] Oh, my God!" "[ Whimpers ]" "[ Blake sighs ]" "I know a bar that will let anybody use their toilets." "Let's go." "[ Both laugh ]" "I've never noticed that about fat people." "It's true." "Hey, I really loved your show, by the way." "It really spoke to me." "Thanks, man." "Marlon Wayans has a real talent for the personalization of the struggleties of..." "Peoplehoodedness." " All right." " Catchy slogan." " I wrote it." " Mnh-mnh." "I just wish I could live it." "Oh, well, hey, at least you're not a clown, right?" "[ Laughs ]" "I hope you're not comparing the struggle of black people to clowns." "Brian, wake up." "There's a black president." "Your fight's over." "Never been a clown president, all right?" "Unless you count James Monroe, and I don't." "I do not." "Blacks were enslaved for centuries, tens of decades even." "There's no comparison." "Blacks and gays have it easy now, okay?" "And black gays?" "Forget about it." "Look at Will Smith." "You're not being very righteous right now." "What are you gonna do, Brian?" "Run for office against me?" "Well, maybe I'll tell everybody your little secret." "Oh." "Yeah." "I've known you since the '70s, blue and red." "I know what you're really hiding under all that grease." "I know Blake stole my shotgun." "It's got to be here somewhere in his stuff." "Cat, can I just say that you look really, really empowered right now?" "Thanks, Val, but I'm kind of cold." "And there's no comfy place to put your chap stick." "I guess that's just the price of being empowered, you know?" "I just want to feel how empowered you are... with this." " Hey, check this out." " Valerie:" "Oh, wow." "[ Cat laughs ]" "They're so cute when they're kids." "Yeah." "Too bad such an adorable kid can grow up to steal a shotgun and probably kill us all with it." "Hey, wait a second." "What's this?" "[ Valerie gasps ]" " His journal." " Score." "Oh." ""Cat: 'Meow' is right." ""Her handsome personality is only" ""overshadowed by her radiant beauty." ""I would never kill any of them."" "I feel terrible." "I'll see your terrible feeling and I'll raise it with a great idea." "I know just how we can make it up to him." "Lola:" "So, I've just told all the women here that I will fight them if they go out with you." "It's not that important to me." "Okay, I'll tell you why I'm wearing clown makeup." "I didn't ask." "We decided to let Blake join our little group." "Jealous much?" "What happened to you, Lola?" "You used to be sweet and a little slutty." "Now your heart is as black as..." "I don't know anything as black as your heart." "Well, you know what they say." "Once you go black, it's hard to think of anything..." "We can't." "I can't." "We're too different." "We're like pandas and zebras." "Glenn:" "Blake's coming, everybody!" "I have to go." "This isn't over." "[ Applause ]" "I don't..." "I don't get it." "We accept you, Blake." "You're one of us now." "Or maybe we're one of you." "Or maybe we're all the same." "Or maybe we're just not so different after all." "You see, Blake?" "No." "I still don't get it." "Why are you wearing makeup?" "We accept you, and this is symbolic of our acceptance." "Blah, blah, blah." "Yeah, but why were you clapping so slowly?" "You guys, forget it." "Wait!" "Don't you guys want to know Blake's real secret?" "Brian, what are you doing?" "No!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Brian, what are you doing?" "See, guys?" "Look." "It's me." "I guess I'm not so different now, am I?" "Owen:" "Oh, my God." "Blake's black." "[ All gasp ]" "Say what?" "!" "Wait." "I still don't get it." " Ugh!" " Oh, my God." "That's confusing." "That's confusing." "Glenn:" "You know what?" "I don't care if you're black." "I'm pissed off." "You're a jackass." "Lola:" "Well, everything was resolved..." "Except Blake doesn't understand what we're doing." "I guess Brian and I still have a lot to work out." "There's some weird lesbian thing going on between Cat and Val..." "Kind of in the middle of that." "Was there something about a shotgun missing?" "Oh, and Blake is black." "Oh, no." "Have I ever said the "n" word in front of him?" "Eh, who cares?" "Hello, I'm Matthew Perry." "There's been a lot of talk about race and identity here today." "If you and your family want to find out more," "And if you want to see any really raw hardcore lesbian porn, go to femalehusband.net." "I've mentioned that I'm Matthew Perry, right?" "That's..." "That's all you really need to know..." "I think." "You did it again, Dr. black." "You brought two different kinds of people together and still managed to solve a mystery." "How do you do it?" "Well, I just... educated them on the personalization of the struggleties of peoplehoodedness." " Oh." " Yes." "Mm-mm-mm." "[ Hip-hop music plays ]" "Sal:" "Attention hospital staff, me so horny." "That sounds racist, but it's true."