"Get your binoculars out." "Okay, keep looking." "Keep looking." "See if you see it." "Up in there." "Do you see it?" "Look again." "It's right up on that branch." "Right there." "Let me see if I can get it on the camera." "If our eyes could" "We never needed words" "I built a fire and" "Then played some songs" "Until I knew that" "Red-eyed vireo." "Red-eyed vireo." "Right there." "There we go." "Yeah, keep it simple, stupid." "So we'll just go with super crispy, cajun homestyle." "Let's keep everybody happy." "I know." "Totally." "Totally." "Well, that's what she said." "She's like..." ""What do you think people are going to expect at your wedding?" "Lobster?"" "Well, let's just talk sides for a second." "I do not just pay you compliments when I want something." "But you know what?" "I do want something." "She wants plates made out of recycled mater..." "Steve, I'll call you right back." " What are you doing on the roof?" " I'm..." "I'm fine." "You're bleeding." "Shit." "That's a nice perk, having a nurse in the house." "It's a clean scratch." "It will heal in no time." "Okay, so we'll get the gutter fixed by..." "Sunday, which is not a big deal." "I know a guy." "But can we all agree on the "no bird-watching on the roof" rule?" " Hmm?" " I think you mean "Birding"." "Anyway, I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to see you get killed." "Hey, Steve, thanks for calling back." " How's the toast coming along?" " Oh, he's fine." "He's fine." "Don't I just say, "Here's to Dad and Juliana"?" "Yeah." "But typically the best man will say a little more about the couple." "Tell a story, crack a few jokes, and embarrass your old man a little." "Yeah, I was thinking Miguel would do the whole speech thing." "Okay, so... defend these with your life, and I mean that." "You know what?" "Actually this is a disaster waiting to happen." "I can give it to you on the..." "on the big day." "The toast?" "Don't worry about that." "It doesn't have to be anything big." "Oh, God." "Juliana." "I gotta go." "I have to go." "See you, Dad." " What?" " I flashed him." "I mean, you've talked to him about all this, right?" "Yeah." "What gives this mess some grace" "Unless it's kicks, man?" "Unless it's fiction?" "Unless it's sweat or it's songs?" "What hits against this chest" "Unless it's a sick man's hand" "From some mid-level band?" "He's been driving too long" "On a dark, windless night" "With the stereo on" "With the towns flying by" "And the ground getting soft" " So, I got some news." " What?" "Caroline quit YBS." " Why?" " I don't know." "Some bullshit about the whole "tufted titmouse" thing." "It's total insanity." "Oh, shit." "Here comes Evelyn." "On my count, just pretend like I said something really funny." " What?" " No, don't look." "Three, two, one." "Why aren't you laughing?" " Hi!" " Hey." " Love you." " Yeah." " Today was really a banner day for us." " Why's that?" "Well, I thought personally our approach to hydrochloric acid was..." " Exemplary." " Totally." " So did you get a chance to..." " Yes, I did." "I did." "Yeah, I think I did quite a good job." "Oh, boy." " Thanks so much." " No problem." " Bye." " Bye." " Was that her homework?" " Yeah." "She totally wants me." "It's time to take this whole "being lab partners" thing to the next level." "As in the..." "Sex level." "You know what I'm saying?" " Okay." " You know what I'm saying?" ""Give it to me, Timmy!" "Timmy, I want you so bad." "I want you in my pants!"" "Shh." "Young birder's society." "All present." "Mr. Secretary, please read the minutes." "Hey, um, where's, where's Caroline?" " She's no longer a member." " Why?" "Mostly because her heart wasn't in birding." "Is that a problem, Rob?" "Yeah, well, I, I just wanted to be in a club..." " Get out." " What?" "This isn't a dating service." "Get the hell out of here." "I won't miss this." "So now that we're down to three," "I don't think we're technically a club anymore by school rules." "Young birder's society, all present." "Mr. Secretary, please read the minutes." "Thank you, Mr. Chairman." "I hereby submit the minutes from the meeting dated 4th of March." "In new business, Peter Nessbaum was awarded a 'Golden Feather' by unanimous vote for his sighting of a long-tailed jaeger." "My proposition to investigate the purchase of a hang glider was defeated 4-1, despite it being an awesome idea." "Finally, Caroline Halperin threatened to quit YBS if I didn't stop calling her tufted titmouse, and, um..." "well, she ended up quitting." " Mr. Chairman." " Thank you, Mr. Barsky." " Mr. Chairman." " Mr. Portnoy?" "I move to postpone officer reports, committee reports and special orders, and proceed directly to new business." " All for?" " Yay." "All opposed?" "Nay." "The motion passes two votes to one." "Is there any new business?" " Mr. Chairman." " The chair recognizes David Portnoy." "I spotted this on the street this morning." " Got a weird feeling about it." " Let me see." " It looks like an eclipsed-plumage white-winged scoter." " Look at the way..." "Move to mark image as inconclusive and carry on with the meeting." "Move to find the bird again." "The chair recognizes himself." "Mr. Portnoy, this is not the first time, you've brought something like this to the committee." "For reference, I cite the alleged sun grebe last summer." " I didn't have a picture..." " With all due respect, there's a credibility gap here." "Mr. Barsky?" "While I appreciate the spirit of David's proposal, a rare bird sighting certainly could reverse sinking membership." "But in my opinion I think we should stick to more aggressive recruitment strategies, like getting a hang glider." "Thank you." "That's all, Mr. Chairman." " All for finding David's duck?" " Yay." " All opposed?" " Nay." "The motion is defeated by a vote of two to one." "Damn it." "Dave?" "Dave, is that you?" "Come up here." " Hey." " Hey." "So I've got everything kinda sorted out into three main groups." "Uh, save, throw, charity." " You got something on your lip." "What's that?" " Nothing." "Pen exploded." "Wait." "Are you kidding?" "I thought I'd save the good ones." "Mom worked really hard for all of these." "Okay, well, yeah, you're right." "I don't know what I was thinking." "Of course we'll keep that." "What's this?" "The blender?" "You know what?" "Juliana's got a really nice blender." "I was thinking we could give that one to Ted." "I'd rather we gave Juliana's to Ted." "Sure." "Listen, you know, I'll tell you what." "You know, I have to meet the string quartet in, like, literally..." "Stay." "10 minutes." "So why don't you do this." "Take these, mark what you want to keep." "The rest we'll either chuck or give to the goodwill." "All right?" "Problem solved?" "Fine." " Yeah?" " See you." "Yeah." "They say I should pack it all in" "But you're all I've ever known" "For me it's beginning again" "'Cause I just can't let go" " You're the camera guy now, huh?" " Yeah." "You should be looking for birds, not Mom." "Birds." "Birds, not me." " Yeah." " Yeah." "Amici, Romani, Cives..." " Where the hell is David?" " He's right there." " Not cool, man." " Sorry." " Where the hell have you been?" "We're in crisis mode here." " Sorry." "I think I may have found a..." "oh, wow." "Look at Chad." "Fortuna bona sit." "Globos meos lambe." "Okay, so I checked every scaup, scoter, elder, including the palearctic and neotropical options, and none of them are a match." "This again?" "Did you even sleep?" "So then I thought maybe it's rarer than those." "Well, the critically endangered ducks consist of the west indian whistling, the laysan and the white-headed duck." "But it's not any of those." "So what's rarer than critically endangered?" "Prompti conicite!" "Nothing." "After critically endangered it goes extinct." "Exactly." "Oh, my... oh, damn it." "Camptorhynchus labradorius." "This would be so huge." "If Evelyn Reed knew that I rediscovered an extinct duck, she'd definitely let me do her." "Possibly doggie-style." "...and the term "doggie-style" is offensive to women and possibly dogs as well." "You missing the point." "Guys, you're both missing the point." "What do you think?" "It has to be female, not a male." "The wing marks concern me, but to be fair, wing marks always concern me." ""B" teams, incendere ubi paratus!" "Cool!" "How does that work?" "Okay, we need to find this duck again." "What we need is an expert opinion." "Well, uh..." "I can get us a meeting with Lawrence Konrad." "Just because he said you had "nice style" at a book signing?" "Um, he said I had "interesting style. "" "And yes, that's exactly why." "Dick." "Hello?" " He's too busy." "I told you this." " Hello?" "What?" "Oh, sorry to keep you waiting." "My secretary is at lunch, and this thing should've..." " There you go." "Anyone?" " Uh, yellow warbler." "Bravo." "Do come in." "Nope." "No, no, no, no." "That's all wrong." "Yeah, well, it does decline at the nape." " Which one of you saw it?" " Uh, I did." "I'm sorry the picture is so blurry." "I was on my bike when I spotted it." "On your bike?" "That's marvelous." "That's the great thing about this field." "Doesn't matter if you're a high school kid on your bike or..." "An old egghead like me with a boatload of silly degrees." "Absolutely anyone can be a birder." "Except for blind people, I suppose." " So you think it could actually be a rare..." " Close the door, please." "Any of you familiar with the term "Lazarus species"?" "You." "Glasses." "An organism rediscovered alive after having been considered extinct." "And while lazarus species are very rare, here in America I had the pleasure of being amongst those..." "Who re-found the ivory-billed woodpecker in 2005." "Though certain scientists do dispute my claim." "Fools." "February 20, 2005." "I remember because it was three weeks... after my life magellanic woodpecker in Chile." " Quite a month for campephilus." " You remember all the dates on your life list?" "Now, on, uh, May 13th of this year, you might..." "I do stress, might... have spotted..." " Yes!" " Camptorhynchus labradorius." " Mm-hmm." " The first bird to go extinct in North America." "No one has seen one of these fellas since 1878." "So do you really think that David saw a Labrador duck?" "Of course the photo is too blurry to prove anything, and it's certainly out of consideration for publication." "Trust me, what birder's way does not need is more controversy." "No, I think the only thing to do here, is to find the bird again." "Well, it's probably migrating." "It could be anywhere." "Which means you need to get a move on." "The Labrador is closely related to sea ducks such as elders." "It's probably heading north, maybe even migrating with scoters." "Now, the good news for you is, that it'll be attracted to the largest inland bodies of water before it hits the coast." "Now, my guess is it'll be in southern Connecticut by sun fall tomorrow." "So you think it's actually possible to find it again?" "I do." "But I must warn you, I love the chase." "I don't know whether you've read my memoir..." "Look to the skies." "I've read it five times." "Then I don't need to tell you... that I spent 15 months in Ecuador... tracking the pale-headed brush-finch, only to learn that it was a mere white-headed brush-finch." "If I had faced facts a few days earlier, you'd be looking at a man with... two legs." "I won't deny it." "I'm starting to get very jealous of you lads." "We have, um, modern european history class in 25 minutes." "Fair enough." "Well, do keep me informed." "Never hesitate to call." "Oh, and one piece of advice from an old twitcher." "Get yourselves a better camera, one with a strong telephoto lens." " Yeah, I can definitely do that." " Excellent!" "Having the wrong gear is precisely why this photo is ultimately useless." "Good luck, gentlemen." "Dr. Konrad." "Mr. Konrad?" "Could you, um, s - sign my book?" " First edition." " Yeah." ""Portnoy. "" "Was your mother Dorothy Portnoy?" "Y - you know my mother?" "Of course." "Back in the '80s and '90s, she helped pioneer the use of marine radar to predict migrant fall-outs." "She was a real unsung hero of birding." "That must have been awful." "I'm deeply sorry for your loss." " Why?" " It's way too intense." "I'm sorry, but this would take an official YBS." "Vote, guys." "Okay." "Move to discuss." "Um, second." "All right, the chair recognizes Timothy Barsky." "Thank you." "Mr. Chairman, Mr. Portnoy." "Simply put, we must find this bird." "I think it could represent a new hope for YBS., which frankly is on the brink of collapse." "I think with the right publicity, the sighting of a Labrador duck could boost membership, and the three of us could reap untold rewards, fame-wise, money-wise and vagina-wise." "Thank you." "That's all, Mr. Chairman." " I concur." "Move to vote." " Second." "All in favor of searching for the extinct Labrador duck?" "Yay." "All opposed?" "Nay." "Motion passes two to one." " I'll draw up the budget." " You don't have to." "I want to." " Yeah?" " Hey, uh..." "I left something in the lab yesterday." "Oh." "Okay." "I'm Ellen, by the way." "What?" "We're in a class together, so I'm telling you who I am." "Oh." "Oh, hi." " Hi." "There you go." " Thank you." "All right, so given the expected speed of the Labrador duck..." "The bird will be forced to rest in this 15-mile radius encompassing Cedar Lake at Cockaponset." "Okay, well, I'm putting my money on Cockaponset." "And not just because it has the word "cock" in it." "Well, I still maintain it's a long shot at best, but as places go, you know, it is more likely than most." "On the transportation front, my cousin Eric said he'd loan me some wheels." " He did?" " Yeah." "He's a cool guy." "He likes me a lot." "Hey, isn't your Dad getting married this weekend?" "Yep." "This is way more important." " David?" " Yeah?" "David... oh, hi, boys!" " Hello, Mrs. Santos." " Juliana... oww." "David, there's somebody here to see you." "A girl from your school, I think." " Go on in, hon." " Thank you." "You stole the lens?" " Preposterous." " What's "project anus"?" "Anas." "Okay?" "And it's none of your business." "Just give me the lens." "And what evidence do you have of this alleged theft of this alleged lens?" "Well, it was there earlier this afternoon." "I gave him the keys, he went into the lab, and then it was gone." " Circumstantial." " It's sitting right next to you." " Oh, damn it, Peter!" " Oh, my God." "Have you ever heard of a Labrador duck?" "I still don't get why it's called project anus." "Anas!" "It's latin for "duck. "" " You guys speak latin?" " Yeah." "Sometimes." "You could come with us." "This would seriously be the first photo of this extinct duck?" "Yeah." "Definitely." "If I come, I'm taking the picture." "No, you're not." "Okay?" "That's not a possibility." " Take it or leave it." " We'll take it." " When do we leave?" " 7:00 AM." "From Timmy's cousin's house." " 25 Southridge Drive." " Cool." "Where the hell did that come from?" "She made me nervous." "Okay?" "On the flip side, one or possibly more of us will get some action this weekend." " Most likely be me." " Nope." "Not going to happen." "Hey." "Need some help?" "I got it." " Just help him, Donnie." " Yeah." " Where you going?" " Timmy's." " Huh." " Sleeping over tonight." "You know, uh, I'm getting married..." "Tomorrow." " I'll be back in plenty of time." " Yeah, uh..." "Come on, Dad." "It's important." "I gotta go." "All right... okay." "Okay." "Okay." "I know I'm supposed to give you your..." " ... grieving space." " Don't quote Dr. Schultz." "It's just, you know, the rehearsal is at 10:00 AM." " Rehearsal?" " Yeah." "The rehearsal is walking from one side of the lawn to the other." "Right?" "Okay, Dave, com... time out." "You know?" "I, I..." "All right, I know." "I get that it's all gotta seem pretty weird to you." "And maybe Juliana's not your favorite person in the world." "Dad, I really don't want to talk about this." "Fast-forward, 10 years from now." "Who's gonna care?" "She's gonna be your really cool kick-ass Mom." "You gotta look at things like everything happens for a reason." " What?" " You know, what might..." ""for a reason"?" "You know, I shouldn't have said that." "That's not what I meant to say." " What I meant..." " No." " Bullshit." " Come on, David." "I'm gonna catch you." "Here I come." "You are too fast!" "I gotcha!" "Sorry I'm late." " Have we confirmed he knows we're coming?" " Yes." "Eric!" " Timmy." "My man." " Eric." "My man." "You think I could grab those keys now?" "Oh." "Yeah." "The keys." "Totally." " Could you go get them now?" " Sure." "You're Eric's cousin?" "Yeah." "First cousin." "Hmm." "These are..." "These are keys to a kryptonite bike lock." "Wait." "You wanted to borrow my car?" " Yeah." " Timmy!" " I'm not going to lend you my car." " Why not?" "For, like, several reasons." "There are insurance issues that would not be easy to resolve, to say the least." "I have no reason to believe that you or any of your friends are safe and/or reliable drivers, not to mention..." "Trish and I have plans to use the car to go up to Sheep Meadow to hang out and smoke weed." "He does make some convincing arguments." " Thank you." " Fine!" "Well, thanks anyway, Eric." "You're a real cool guy." " P.S. Grandma thinks you're a communist." " I am a communist." "Bye, Timmy's little friends." " Bye." "Bye." " Bye." "I hate him." "If he hadn't DJ'd my bar mitzvah, my life would be a lot better right now, believe you me." "So, is Trish Eric's steady girlfriend?" "What?" "Oh!" "I found it!" "Ever drive a cabriolet, Peter?" "Absolutely not." "What?" "You're the only one with a license." "I'm not driving a stolen car, guys." "It's not a stolen car." "We'll bring it back tomorrow." "He'll just think he forgot where he parked it, right?" "Come on, man." "This is your chance to not be a total pussy." "You can impress an actual girl." "It's exciting." "Ellen?" "I think Peter should do what he wants." "But, yeah, I would be impressed." "Very impressed." "Thanks." "Peter, just merge!" "You have no idea what kind of pressure this is." "No idea." "Okay, well, you don't have to spaz." " Are you gonna keep it under 35?" " Yes." "I am." "That's probably more dangerous." "Timmy?" "Holy shit." "What is this?" "Is that crack cocaine?" " I have no idea." "Maybe." " "maybe"?" "Just keep driving, Peter." "It looks like..." " looks like crystals." " You know what?" "Maybe it's rock candy." "Ellen, grow up." "Okay?" "They're crystals." " Oh, shit." " What?" "Crystal meth." " Throw it out the window." " What?" " No, we can't just throw it out the window." " Yes, we can." "No..." "Peter, think!" "What happens if we return the car without the drugs?" "Okay?" "Maybe Eric was trying to sell them on behalf of some drug lords." "And then when the drug lords come looking for the money, suddenly Eric doesn't have the money or the drugs, so they kill him." "Okay?" "Eric sucks, but he doesn't deserve to die." "Okay, just keep it hidden." "Give it, Ellen." " Done." " I don't like it." "I'm shocked." "I'm really shocked." "Peter, for the love of god, you have to speed up." "It's like we're in a wagon." "But I always choose another way" "This is why this love can't stay" "Now we're cruising." " This is totally illegal." " Peter, it's fine." "You only have your learner's permit." " What's that noise?" " Sounds like a black-and-white warbler." "Sounds like a red-breasted nuthatch, but it's coming from the engine." "What's a finch look like?" "A finch, it's kind of like a perching bird with a small, sharp, pointy bill." "Well, my boyfriend's band is called "The Real Finches"." "The real finches?" "Sounds like a pretty hard-core band." "Right, 'cause you're into more hard-core stuff, like Beethoven?" "Um, Bartók, okay?" " Maybe, like, late Beethoven, yeah." " Right." "Hey, these are totally retro." "Oh, yeah, thanks." "They were my Mom's." " Is she a big birder?" " You know his Mom's dead, right?" " What?" " Oh." "Guess that's before you moved here." "David doesn't like to talk about it." "Thanks, Timmy." "Okay, guys, I have an announcement to make." "I want everyone to remain still while I talk, especially you Peter." "There is a vehicle that has been trailing us for the past 10 miles, and there are definitely guns in the vehicle." " Oh, my God!" " Peter, stay still." "Sorry." "They could be Eric's drug lord bosses." " David, can you just slow down and see if they pass us?" " Yeah." "It doesn't have guns on it." " Oh, shit." " There they are." " Oh, that was a close one." " How was that a close one?" "It was a close one." "What's with all the people?" " Is this, like, an important day for birding or something?" " It's Saturday." " Hey, Portnoy's back!" " Hey, Matheny." "Are you like the boy wonder of the birding world or something?" "No, I just haven't been here in a while." "So what's going on here, exactly?" "Okay, um... first you have the feeder fillers." "And they just want a bird feeder so they can attract a bird like... a cardinal." "And then there's listers, like those guys over there." "Now, listers, they like the numbers and the data." "So, they record everything on these very meticulous life lists." "So if my Dad was a birder, he'd be a lister." " He's not a birder?" " No." "He owns five chicken huts." "He literally makes a living killing birds." "So which kind of birder are you?" "Well, there's one more." "The watchers." "Now, the watchers, this is Lawrence Konrad's definition... they want to achieve a transcendent connection between nature... that erases any distinction between, I guess, human and bird souls." "Let me guess." " You're a watcher." " Mmm..." "Well, there's actually very few watchers out there." "Um, Lawrence Konrad says that," ""In the world of birding, most of us are just listers who strive to be watchers. "" "What is that?" "Old-school duck call." "Help us in finding the, uh, you-know-what." "I don't know." "What?" " Nothing." " You guys heading out?" " Yeah, we're going to Cockaponset." " The cock." " You guys from around here?" " No." "Somers." "All right, all right." "What do you see up there?" "Hooded warblers, arcadian flycatcher, yellow-billed cuckoo, yellow-winged vireo." "Wait, you saw a yellow-winged vireo in New York?" " Yeah." " Yeah?" "Wow." " Wow, wow, wow." " Don't be an asshole, Jeff." "What?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I mean a yellow-throated vireo." " There you go." " Yeah." "There it is." "So what kind of stuff do you guys see?" "We just had a great trip to Tanzania." "Saw an Usambara eagle-owl, among other things." " Not a bad for our first year." " First year?" "Last year we climbed the seven summits." "This year we're going for the world big year record." "Oh, so you're not birders." "You're more like mountain dew ads." "More like extreme hobbyists." "That means in 10 months, we've seen over 350 endangered species, including finding only the sixth-known nest of a Grauer's broadbill." " That's amazing." " Yeah." " Yeah." "David saw a Labrador duck." " You know that's extinct, right?" " Yes." " Well, but..." " No, she isn't, she's not a birder." " She has no idea what she's talking about." " Yes, I do." " No, she doesn't." " Okay, 'cause that is a pretty big claim." "You know?" "Spotting an extinct species." " You guys have a photo or anything?" " No." "No." "She's confused." "We can't have a picture of something that doesn't exist." " Right." " Right." " All right?" " We should be going." " Yeah." " Right, right, right." " Well, good birding." " Good birding, fellas." "Good birding." "Labrador duck?" "I'm sorry, Ellen, you're a complete idiot." "Whatever." "They didn't believe me anyway." "Let's hope to god you're right." "She lived in space, man" "Hey, check it out." "Yeah." " David?" " What are you doing?" "I'm just gonna catch up with them." "Almost there." "There we go." "Could the Labrador duck be up there?" "No." "They're Canada geese." "Still want to see her in the morning" "Shit." "Oh, no, no, no." "Damn it." "It's happening." " It must be related to the warbler noise." "Shit!" " Nuthatch noise." "Okay, shut up, Peter." "I think it's just an overheated alternator thing or something." " You have no idea what you're talking about." " We should go home." "I knew it." " I'm sorry." "You knew what?" " Come on." "Look, we all knew from the start it was a mistake to bring you." "Okay?" "You're late, you have to pee all the time, and now you want to quit." "I brought a telephoto lens and five years of photography experience." " What did you bring?" " Oh, um, let me think." "Excellent leadership skills, logic, an orange belt in shaolin long fist, fluency in latin and español..." " ... awesome logic skills." " You said that already." " Guys, I'm going to go call the triple-A." " Where are we, exactly?" "Um, we're somewhere near Woodstock, so..." " Wait." "Woodstock?" " Yeah." " Hold on one second." " Who are you gonna call?" "Booty call." "The Reeds have a house out here." " Wait." "Evelyn Reed?" " Yeah." "Hey, Evelyn." "It's Timmy." "Timmy." "Timmy Barsky." " Timmy Barsky." " We should get a backup." "No, no, they're friends." "Kind of." "I mean, I guess she does call him her personal math hobbit." "Yeah, so we're in a bit of a pickle-dick." "No, it's a stupid line from..." "I guess you probably want to call your Mom." "Well, that would involve telling her where I am, so..." " No, thank you." " She doesn't know?" "She's in New Mexico at a swing and salsa conference this weekend, so it was either this or sitting around on my own." "So..." "Swing and salsa?" "Well, they're actually really different." "Okay." "Oh, that's..." "That's a lot!" "Hey, I'm sorry about your Mom." " I didn't mean to bring it up." " It's okay." "Timmy's an idiot sometimes." "Really, it's not a big deal." "I mean, of course it's a big deal, but it's not a big deal." "How long ago did she pass away?" "Almost a year and a half ago." "Just, you know, you have my, you have..." "Hey, guys." "We're good." "So, what is this top-secret mission you guys are on?" " I mean, I could tell you, but..." " You'd have to kill me?" "No, of course not." "I'm a pacifist." "Peter would kill you." " I'm a pacifist." " He's really not." " He has to say that." "It's his cover." " Oh, my God." "You're so funny." "I know." " I think we may have actually found an extinct duck." " Wow!" " Oh, this is public information now?" " Uh, yeah." "Get in the car." " Thanks again, Ev." " Hey, I should be thanking you." " I don't know what I'd do without you." " Oh..." "Uh, hey, you know, I'm Timmy." "I'm, I'm your..." " I'm your guy." " You are!" "Bye, guys." "Oh, and girl." "Why was she thanking you?" "Oh, my God, she's so hot." "How much this time, Timmy?" "I don't know." "Maybe the rest of the year." "You're doing her math homework for the rest of the year?" "You wouldn't understand our relationship." "Okay?" " Oh, my God." " What?" " No guns." " What?" "They've taken the guns." " You brought it with you?" " We need to call the cops." "Like, right now, guys." "And tell them what, Peter?" "That we stole a car loaded with narcotics?" " You are a genius!" " Keep it hidden." " All in favor?" " Aye." "Aye." "You know what?" "They'll kill us in the woods." "Okay?" " Eric." " We have a situation." "What's that one?" "Uh..." "Black-capped chickadee." "How can you tell which one it is so quickly?" "Well, the best way is to recognize its giss." "What?" "G" " I" " S" " S. General impression, shape and size." "That's how you make a snap I.D of a bird." "Yeah, I mean, I guess it had a nice "jizz. "" "You know, I know "giss" sounds like ejaculation." "I mean, come on." "Chickadee jizz?" " Yeah." "It's in the tit family too." " Oh." "Um, I guess another way is you can I.D it by its calls." "So..." "Uh..." "Downy woodpecker." "White-breasted nuthatch." "Carolina wren." "The nuthatch again." " What was that one?" " It was a wood thrush." "Hold on." "Yeah?" "Where are you?" " Timmy's." " You drove to Timmy's in Eric's car." " Peter drove." " Mm-hmm." "David, what the hell is going on?" "We may have discovered an extinct duck." "We're at a park in Connecticut just trying to look for it, and we'll be back by tomorrow." " An extinct duck?" " Yes." " We're just..." "All right, first, you're seriously grounded." "Second, and let me make this abundantly clear, if we end up waiting around for you tomorrow just to waltz in..." "You've already made it abundantly clear how you can't handle waiting." "You know what?" "Don't come." "Shit." "Dad." " Dad, I'm sorry." " No, no." "You're a young man now." "You can make your own decisions." "I'll have Ted be the best man." "Sure." "Fine." " That was your Dad?" " Yes." " Hey, everything okay?" " Yes." " Are you sure?" " My Dad's getting married tomorrow." "To my Mom's nurse." " Do you wanna talk about it?" " No." " Wait, David." "How are we gonna get back in time?" " We're not." "I'm just saying, I think the dunnock is the sluttiest bird." " Why?" " He or she has a partner... and then immediately goes to another partner." " Kinda like you, Ellen." " Thank you, Timmy." "Thank you." " It's right there behind the bush." "See?" " Okay." "One o'clock." "One o'clock." "You gotta look right at it and just put the..." "Okay, oh." " Hey, put down eastern for me." " You got it." "It's like I'm talking to it and it replies." "See?" " Pss, pss." " Peter, shut up." "Okay, a lot of spider webs, guys." "Oh, big spider, big spider." "Big spider." "Guys, I hear their spiders are murders." "There it is." "All right, so there's a bridge about two miles north-northeast of here." "It's getting dark." "I think we should just cross here." "Exactly." "I don't know about you guys." "I'm crossing this river." " It's way too dangerous." " Oh, come on, Peter!" "You know women cite physical bravery as the number one quality in a man?" "It's a sense of humor." "Ellen, brave or funny guys?" " Funny." " What?" "Okay, well, whatever." "With hot women, anyway, as in Evelyn Reed, it's physical bravery." "So, ha." "Can we stop it with Evelyn Reed already?" " Um, jealous much?" " Timmy, you keep kissing her ass, hoping something will happen..." " Which it will. - ... when she's so clearly dork-baiting you." "Okay, Evelyn Reed likes me, all right?" "What's dork-baiting?" "It's when a cute girl is super nice to a nerdy guy..." " I'm not nerdy." " ... so that he'll worship her... and fix her computer and make her feel good about herself and oh, also do her homework." "I'm doing her homework because we're friends, all right?" "That's what friends do for each other." "You wouldn't know 'cause you don't have any friends." "Timmy, it took her 45 minutes to drive us here." "So, now you're gonna go and do her homework for the rest of the year." " Just go." " Doesn't that sound messed up to you?" " Let's just go." " She calls you her "personal math hobbit. "" " That's bullshit." "I'm not gonna believe that." " Yeah?" "David told me." "What?" "Is that true?" " I'm sorry." " Shut up!" " Is that true?" " I didn't mean to say it..." "Just please stop talking!" "Why are you such a bitch to me?" " Let's go, Timmy." " No, I know." "You take her side!" " I'm not taking anyone's side." " Of course you are." "You don't give a crap about me or Peter!" "Come on." "Let's just cross the river, okay, guys?" "Stop being a pussy!" "You have to realize that everyone in the world is full of shit, okay?" "He doesn't give a crap about you, me or finding the Labrador duck." "He just wants to pork Ellen of troy over there!" " I am not a pussy, okay?" " What are you talking about?" "Every time I look at you, you're trying to talk to her and feel her up." "Don't get your hopes up, Dave." "She's probably just dork-baiting you!" "I don't even like Ellen!" "You don't know anything about me!" "Oh, yeah!" "I wouldn't know anything about my best friend!" "Because his Mom died he's all messed up or whatever!" "Fuck you!" " Shit!" " Are you okay?" " Peter." " You all right?" " Peter." " His inhaler!" " Where is it?" " Shit." "Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop." "It's okay." "Stand up, stand up." "Go on!" "Peter, stand up." "Peter, stand up!" "Stand up." "Come on." "Get it." " You gotta get him to the shore." " I know, I know!" "Okay, okay." "Come on." "This side." "This side, this side, this side." "Oh, my God!" "It's so cold!" " Up." "Come on." " Oh, my God." "Okay." " Oh!" " Guys, it's sounding really bad!" "Okay, okay, okay." "I'm just gonna give you mouth-to-mouth, okay?" "Lean back." "Lean back." " Stop." "Okay, ready?" "One, two, three." " No." " Guys!" " Oh!" "I got it!" " I found it!" " Yes!" "Yes!" " Throw it to me!" " Yes." "Come on!" "Timmy, just throw it!" "Oh, shit." "Okay." " Throw it!" " All right." "Okay." "Okay." "Oh, God!" " What the hell, Timmy!" " Are you trying to kill him?" "!" "I'm sorry!" "I'm a birder!" "I got it." "Okay, now..." "Peter!" "Yeah." "It's over." "That sucked!" "Are you all right?" "You okay?" "Thanks again for the T-shirt." " It's a good color for you." " It really is." " So how long..." " Shh." "Great horned owl." "Nice." "Personal frickin' hobbit." " There are tons of girls out there, Timmy." " Easy for you to say," " "miss, I-have-crazy-wild-sex- whenever-I-want. "" " What?" "You don't have to rub it in our faces." "What are you talking about?" "I've never even had sex, okay?" "That's bullshit." "You're dating a guy in a band." "We've only kissed, and he lives in Minnesota anyway." " Is that where you're from?" " I lived there for a year." "And then before that Delaware, Texas, Guam and Germany." "Germany." "Yeah." "My Dad's in the air force." "That's so badass." "It sucks." "I'm always the new girl, and then whenever I make a friend, we move." "Where are you going next?" "Actually, it looks like we'll be in somers for good now." "Okay, well, I have a confession to make." "Um..." "Technically speaking, I've never..." "Really done a girl." "Not even missionary style." "You're 15." "It's okay." "It's not a big deal." "I've only kissed, like, one boy." "Okay, well, I have another confession to make." "Um..." "Technically speaking, I've never really kissed a girl." "Me neither." " Spin the stick?" " Right." " I've, um..." "I've never really kissed a girl either." " No!" "Sorry." "That's what I asked him." "Don't patronize me." "That's what happened." "I can tell you that story does not get better with age, unlike this wine." " Thank you." "Not from a box." " Special occasion?" " So you bribed a cop?" " I invented a great meal, thank you very much." " Debatable." " French fries with honey is not that great a meal." "It's paying for David's college, so I'm not complaining." "Where is David anyway?" "He's, uh... he's actually on a bird-watching trip." "I didn't know he was still into all that." "Oh, yeah." "Definitely into it." " That's great." " Is he still planning on skipping college, and making wildlife films?" "What?" "When did he tell you that, Ted?" "I don't know." "The..." "the last time I saw him." "At the, you know, the funeral." " Uh..." " What?" "No, I guess we haven't talked about it." "All right." "Would you like some more wine?" " Yes!" " Of course." " You would." " What's that supposed to mean?" " Really?" " Just saying." " Hey, Peter?" " Yeah?" "Do you ever wish that Earth was more like middle-earth?" "All the time." "Drug lords." "I'll stand guard." "Yes!" " I can see you." " Oh, jesus!" " Close your eyes, all right?" " Sorry." "Done." "Sorry." "Can I see?" "Sure." "There it is." " First drawing?" " Yeah." "Really trying to perfect that one." "Yeah?" "Yeah, it's, it's weird." "It's fine." "Last year I came home early from school one time and my Dad was doing drugs." "Wait." " Like "drug" drugs?" " Yeah." "Like snorting crushed oxycontin." "It was pretty intense." "I have this image stuck in my head of his face when he saw me." "I've never told anyone except for my shrink." "I have a shrink too." "Yeah, I would hope so." "Your Dad's getting married in, like, 20 hours." "Yeah." "And you said he's marrying your Mom's nurse?" "Yeah." "Was there, like..." " ... orget it." "I..." " O, overlap?" "Yeah." "I don't know." "Maybe." "I'm sure that there wasn't." "I mean, I..." "My Mom was sick for a long time." "I've definitely thought about it." "You know..." "You're actually a lot easier to talk to than my shrink." "And definitely a lot easier to talk to than Timmy and Peter." "Thanks." "I don't really have a boyfriend." "He was just a guy that I kissed at a party, and I said he was my boyfriend, but..." "He's not." "Okay." "Yeah, so..." "I should go back to bed." "Okay, I'll..." "I guess I'll guard." " Sit guard." " Right." "Okay." "Yeah." "All right, well, good night." " Night." " Night." "Awesome." "Shh." "What was that?" "I don't know." "Timmy?" "Goddamn drug lords!" "Wait up." "Timmy!" "Timmy." " It's go time." " Wait, wait." "Your plan is to knife them?" "Just put away the knife, Timmy." "It's your funeral." "Whoa." "Nice outfits." "How we doin'?" " Any luck finding the Labrador?" " Why are you following us?" "We're actually following our guide." "Who's your guide?" "Gentlemen!" "Birding on an ATV." "Seems like an oxymoron, but, it gets the job done." "You know, ever since you boys left my office, I've been kicking myself." "How could I, a noted veteran of the field, entrust what is probably the biggest ornithological find of the century, to, no offense now, amateurs?" "Lately I've been spending a bit of time guiding these gentlemen here," " and I just thought the more chaps helping..." " We don't need your help." "Well, I think we can all agree that the most important thing here is finding the bird." "We're simply doubling the size of our search party." "Just a few years ago, even with hundreds of people combing that Arkansas bayou," " we still couldn't prove our claim on finding..." " Yeah, we know." "The ivory-billed woodpecker." "We're fans." "You're trying to poach our sighting." "Who's the new girl?" " Her name's Ellen." " Guys." "I'm sorry." " Can we take a second?" " Of course." " What..." " Sorry." " I don't trust them." " It is true." " We will run." " I will deceive with agreement." "Seize the day?" " Carpe diem?" " Carpe diem." "So you're saying we're all gonna get a shared sighting credit?" "Oh, certainly." "I'm sorry." "I should have prefaced all this by saying..." "It's fine." "We think we saw something flying south a few hours ago," " heading toward cross lake." " I think we should stick with cedar's." "It's the most obvious choice." "Of course." "We can split up." "We'll go to cedar, and you can go to the river..." "A sea duck resting on a river?" "Have you even been birding before?" " Watch it." " Oh, really?" " It's just what I saw." " I will draw them away." " Peter." " Hey." " Peter, what are you doing?" " I am not a pussy!" " Hey!" " No, no, no, no!" "Hey, off, you crazy kid!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Get off the... are you crazy?" "Are you insane?" "Go, go, go!" "Come on!" "Get on!" "Get on!" " Holy shit!" " Thrilling." "So what now?" " What do you mean?" " I don't know." "Peter just stole your friend's ATV., and you're trying to steal our sighting." " Just that." " That's one way of looking at it." "Another way is to say that we're four birders, looking to find an extinct duck, standing on the brink of history." "How do we know you're not gonna steal the credit for the sighting?" "Are we cool?" "Yes." "Miguel forgot a tie." "You have one?" "He's not gonna want one of my ties." "Let me see what David has." "Don, I'm gonna need the list for the..." "What the hell is all this?" "I think I might be an asshole, Ted." "It's rare I go birding with the younger generation." "I had hoped that my daughter would follow in my footsteps, but she and my ex-wife detest me." "Did you and your mother bird together?" "Yes." "A lot." "She would have adored this." "You probably don't remember, but back in the '90s, she discovered a new colony of piping plovers." "Piping plovers." "I have all the newspaper clippings." "There's nothing like the feeling of discovery." "How's your father doing?" "It must be difficult for the two of you now." "He's, uh, he's getting married." "I see." " Yeah." " Well, everyone copes differently." "Yeah." "And some people are just dicks." "Your father is not a dick." "I'm sorry, but you don't know him." "Well, I do, actually." "He helped with archiving Dotty's research materials, at the magazine after she died." "What?" "Wait, wait, how?" "How is that possible?" "Birds are my muses." "And I strive to be a true watcher." "I can remember when I spotted my first greater prairie chicken, but not my own daughter's birthday." " But you're already..." " I'm 63 years old and very much alone." "I guide assholes for money." "I have one leg and no driver's license." "Please do not confuse me with a role model." "Why don't you have a driver's license?" "A bit of a mix-up... between what I thought was an albino nighthawk and a high-speed police chase." "Get your binoculars out." "Okay, keep looking." "Keep looking." "See if you see it." "Remarkable." "Yeah, it's empty though." "Here goes nothin'." " Was that it?" " Maybe." "It was a little muffled." "No, it was definitely a greeting call." " I think that maybe it was..." " Oh, my God!" " That would be a male mallard." " Oh." "Wait." "Why did it answer to a scoter call?" "Maybe it was raised by scoters." "It was not raised by scoters, okay?" "No, cross lake is a few miles up." "I think maybe we should just go there." "Why would it go to the lake that's farther from shore?" " It's not unheard of." " It's practically unheard of." "Guys?" "Is that your duck, David?" "Oh, my God." "What's it doing?" "Shh." "It's preening." "The light couldn't be better." "It's a magnificent bird." "Shit!" " Hey, fellas!" " What the hell, man!" "I'm Carl Sr. This is my son, Carl Jr." " Oh, awesome!" "You just shot an extinct duck!" " Timmy, calm down." "I'm not sure you know what that word means." "Your friend is nuts!" "Whoa." " Easy, Cruise." " Hey." "Whoa." " How did this happen?" " These morons shot it." " Everyone, relax." " You shot an extinct duck, sir." "Does "extinct" mean something different these days?" "It's suffering." "Give it to me." "Please." "Please." "May I see the animal?" " This isn't a Labrador duck." " What?" "Its neck does decline strangely, but I think what we have here is an oddly-plumaged hybrid mallard." " Look at the wing markings." " See, the wing markings always concerned me." "Yep." "It's definitely an odd hybrid of sorts." " Just shut up, Jeff." " If it's okay with you guys, we'd like to take the duck for our banquet." " Banquet?" " We're hunting for our church banquet." "All the proceeds are going to the save darfur foundation." "Well, that's a bit of silver lining." "David, it's..." "David, it was just a hybrid mallard." "It looked at me." "It didn't have to suffer." "I know." "Why did she have to die?" "I don't know why." "You know, in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom", the bad guy that goes around and rips the heart out of people, and holds it up in front of their face so they watch it beat?" "Yeah, I hate that part." "I don't see how it'll ever stop hurting." "Well, um, maybe one day..." "It'll feel less awful than "ripping an organ out of your chest" pain." "But my guess is it'll always hurt." "Yeah." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "What, what time is it?" "I don't know." "I think my phone died three hours ago." "Will we make it back for the wedding?" " I mean, we don't have a car." " I wonder if I have cell service." " Oh, my God." " What?" "What?" "Oh, my God, no." "This is, this is worse than it looks." " We need to get you home." " Yeah." "So, those guys weren't really drug lords." "No, they were pretty much the opposite of drug lords." "You're not going to taste that, are you?" "Just kidding." "It's rock candy." " I said it was rock candy!" " Your first correct I.D." "It's going on my life list." "Now we'll hear a musical selection, from the son of the bride, Miguel Santos." "Miguel?" "Meet me tonight in dreamland" "Under the Silv'ry Moon" "Meet me tonight in dreamland" "Where love's sweet roses bloom" "Meet me in Dreamland" "Oh, sweet dreamy Dreamland" "There make my dreams" "Come true" "Thank you, Miguel." "Mm!" "And now the rings." "David?" "Working at your own wedding?" "Right?" "It's pretty messed up." "You know, there's a million people to talk to out there." "I know." "It's what I get for hiring Eric, I guess." "That is what you get." "Dad?" "Yeah?" "Were you seeing Juliana... before or after Mom?" "Definitely after." "Good." "Your mother was the love of my life." "You know that." "No, I didn't." "Oh, jesus christ!" "David, I'm sorry." "I should have done a better job of explaining it all." " We spoke about it." " No, we didn't." "We didn't speak about it." "Not really." "We didn't." "You know, it's..." "you remember that..." "I just don't want to pretend that we don't miss Mom." "Me either." "Wanna grab that chicken?" "They thought we were terrorists." "It was awful." "Hey." "Excuse me." "Are you in a band or something?" "Excuse me?" "Hello?" "Hey!" "Hey, everyone." "Um... so technically I'm the best man here, and I guess I'm supposed to give a toast." "Um..." "Where do I start?" "The thing is, the last couple of days I've been looking for an extinct duck." "No." "No, it's not like a metaphor or something." "Turns out it wasn't extinct." "Actually, it wasn't the duck I thought it was, and it got shot, uh, but in a weird way, it turns out it might actually help the whole situation going on in darfur." "Sorry." "Anyway..." "I'm, I'm glad I made it here..." "Today." "Well, the last few years have been... they've been kind of rough for our family." "Um..." " David..." " I know." "Sorry." "Dad likes to fill holes with lists." "That's a... what he does." "He writes lists of everything, like lists of lists, and I like to find rare birds, so I'm not really one to talk, but..." "It doesn't, doesn't really work." "Which is why I'm so glad he found Juliana." "Because, I know my Mom really liked her... and my Dad obviously likes her too." "That's all that matters." "And..." "That's why we're all here, right?" "So..." "I wish them a happy and long life together." "Here's to Dad and Juliana." "You were perfect." "So, does Eric know that we like, destroyed his engine?" "Uh, you know... timing's not quite right." " Yeah, he's not gonna be happy." " Don't worry about Eric." "I got some serious shit on him that I've been saving for a moment like this." "Got it." " Think I'm gonna head home now." " Yeah, me too." "Good times!" "Totally." "Bye." "So how long should I wait till I call Kim?" " What, you got her number?" " Yeah." "Why didn't you tell me that, dude?" "I should go too." "I guess." "So, weirdly enough, I had a lot of fun this weekend." "So did I." "Peter gave me his old pair." "They're not as good as yours, but I'm kinda getting the..." "Hi." "So, um..." "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." "Yeah." "Okay." "Definitely." " See ya." " Yeah." "Bye." "It's too late now to rush apart" "Your aching heart wasn't on fire" "And if you drain the fluid from" "My screaming lungs, I know I'll die" "And it's hard to know what's right" "I need you tonight" "You need me tonight" "It's too late now to hold on to the crutch" "When you open arms and open hearts" "They never open much" "If I drain the beauty from" "Your beating blood, I know I'll die" "No" "I Never try to" "But it's all been done" "We'll hold on tight" "I will hold onto you" "And the feeling of an empty love" "While I hold onto you" "And my lord I know it's true" "I know it's true" "And I've been a-walkin' down that road" "And I can feel the wind between my toes" "The water, oh, so sweet" "And I been thinkin' maybe it's right" "And I can finally feel the things I love" "Shiver when you talk" "Do your lips feel all of the things that mine do?" "Do you feel that tingle inside of your shoe?" "Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh" "And nothin's" "Wrong" "It's just love" "And I've been hurt and my heart's empty" "Soakin' in it that is tempting" "But" "That all floats away" "And my heart's been breakin'" "Like a biscuit" "You are the one who can finally fix it" "Will we both be okay?" "Do you look at our hands and see that they're creased" "From a trembling here that cannot be released" "Ee-ee-ee-eee" "Nothing's" "Wrong" "It's just love" "Nothing's" "Wrong" "It's just love" "It's just..." "Love"