"100,000." "Shall we poke our nose into space, Frank?" "That's enough." "We're approaching heat barrier." "Let's level off." ""Recover One", this is "Falcon"." "Beginning descent now." "Roger, "Daedalus"." "Got you on the scope, Frank." "Miss October." "Bing. 110,000th floor, ladies' lingerie." "You catch that, Hawk?" "She's all right." "She's just talking to me, that's all." "You trust me, don't you?" "We're taking her down." "That's an order." "Oh, here we go again." "Frank, look at that." "That's where we're going." "I don't know how and I don't know when but..." "Fly me to the moon And let me play among the stars" "Come on, baby." "You want to get out and give us a push?" "We got to eject!" "At 112,000 feet?" "Are you out of your mind?" "No choice." "We're not riding this one out." "Call mayday!" "We're popping!" "We're popping!" " I'm not losing another ship." " Don't think about it." "Just do it!" "I'll count down to one." "You ready?" "One." "Oh, shit!" "Crazy son of a bitch almost landed like a bug on a windshield." "This is it!" "First one down wins the prize!" "112,000 feet and I feel fine!" "You've always got to push things to the limit." "That's what I do best, Frank." "Get off me!" "Come on, you guys!" "Break it up!" "Come on." "Is that smoke I smell?" "Looks like a fire out by Ridgecrest." "We crashed the X-2." "My $4 million X-2?" "Is that the X-2 you're referring to?" "We did break both speed and altitude records, sir." "And beat the free-fall mark by 30,000 feet." "Three planes in ten months." "That's bound to be a record too." "The engine failed." "The aircraft went in a flat spin." "We couldn't recover." "But you made it." "That's the important thing." "And you made it just in time, Frank." "Ladies and gentlemen of the press I'm Major Bob Gerson, United States Air Force, and I hold in my hand a directive from the president of the United States of America." "It reads:" ""Effective immediately, the Air Force's involvement in outer atmosphere testing and exploration is hereby terminated."" ""A new civilian agency the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, is this day chartered."" ""Project Daedalus is now complete and designated Mission Accomplished."" "The Air Force is out?" "What about the pilots?" "Who will be the first American in space?" "A decision has been made." "After an exhaustive search we've identified who can best carry out a mission of this magnitude." "This job calls for toughness, both mental and physical toughness and in the tradition of the best of the Air Force an ability to follow orders to the letter." "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Maryanne the first American to cross into outer space." "Look, Frank." "She wants to shake your hand." "You bastard." "Shake her hand for the cameras, Frank." "That is an order." "It just isn't responding." "Ladies and gentlemen, this is mission director Sara Holland." "She's been monitoring the situation closely and she assures me that the problem is well in hand." "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen." "As you may know, 11 days ago, atmospheric tracking determined that Russian communications satellite Ikon has initiated orbital degradation." "Computer trajectory models predict a steady acceleration in sequence with the gravitational constant." "There's a systems failure in online navigation and guidance avionics." "All redundant systems are non-responsive." "Without active course correction in the next 30 to 40 days the satellite will reenter the Earth's atmosphere." "And crash?" "General, Ikon has given you 14 years of service." "That is in the performance range of a communications satellite." "It will probably crash in the ocean or burn up in the atmosphere." "I think it's best that we let it." "My country's grateful for the efforts of NASA and the State Department." "However, losing Ikon is not an option." "Ikon is not just a communications satellite to the Russian Federation." "Ikon is the communications satellite." "You are undoubtedly aware of our restructuring programs." "Losing all telecommunications until we're able to replace Ikon could plunge us into chaos." "And perhaps even civil war." "Hard to believe you fellas only have one bird up there." "Couldn't we just transfer the workload?" "Gene." "Excuse me, Sara." "We have a presidential mandate to assist the Russians our partners in the International Space Station." "And I assure you that we will fix this problem." "It's just a glitch." "You are feeding these guys bold-faced lies." "It's a waste of money and my staff's time." "Sara, you're one hell of an engineer but you don't know jack-shit about politics." "Helping the Russians save face is an act of good faith." "How can you put a price on that?" "This thing is dumb as a post." "It's dead in the air." "Kid, why don't you stop trying to talk to the satellite?" "You have the code." "Override the guidance system." "You want to figure that mess out?" "The guidance system on this thing is a dinosaur." "Even these guys don't understand it." "It's pre-microprocessor." "It's pre-everything." "Whoever designed this Byzantine piece of shit is probably chopping rocks in Siberia." "Ethan, can I access the Skylab files from here?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "A fine politician, but you don't know jack-shit about engineering." "This is the guidance system from Skylab." "That's not possible." "Maybe there's similarities, but they can't be the same." "I'm looking up the designer." "Hell." "Don't bother." "It was Francis D. Corvin." "Is he dead?" "Only if I'm lucky." "Would you like me to read the instructions to you again?" "Let me tell you something, my dear." "A fella in Japan wrote those instructions when he made this thing." "They were probably translated by some gringo an expatriate American who couldn't get a job in this country." "Then a Japanese guy probably translated him to double-check on him." "We don't need these instructions." "Not at all." "Tear them up." "You know the door to the house is locked, right?" "Well, it's no problem." " You forgot the batteries?" " Yeah." "I've got you here in the garage." "The smell of gasoline, of fertilizer." "What do you say, baby?" "I'll push you up on this washer and turn you a few cycles." " I'll turn this washer on..." " Help!" "Oh, help!" "I'm locked in the garage with a dirty old man!" " Didn't we do this once 20 years ago?" " Yeah, I know." "Dr. Corvin?" "Yes." "Excuse me, sir, am I interrupting something?" " Yeah." " Dr. Corvin, I'm Sara Holland and this is astronaut Ethan Glance." "We're with NASA." "It was in your car." "I heard someone scream." "Thanks for saving the day." "Now what is it you want?" "Could we have a minute of your time?" "You should've called ahead of time." "I'm a very busy man." "Dr. Corvin, we're here because a satellite with your guidance system is about to reenter the atmosphere." "The system is non-responsive." "You want to take a crack at it?" "There seems to be an interruption in the path here." "But the circuitry still works." "It's sending us data." "You're losing your uplink." "There has to be a problem in the manual routing drive." "I don't think so." "That's the consensus among the engineers." "Same engineers that sent you two here?" "Sorry, does that bother you?" "Yes, it does, actually." "Your design predates all existing guidance systems." "It was ahead of its time in '69 but this technology's obsolete now." "None of the current engineers even speak the language and the older guys are all are..." " Yeah." "It wasn't designed for this duration of duty, that's what." "It was designed for the Skylab." "My advice is to capture it and bring it home." "It's too big." "For the space shuttle?" "What kind of bird is it?" "It's a Russian communications satellite." "What the hell's my guidance system doing on a Russian satellite?" "That's not our primary concern at this time." "Where's it orbiting?" "Or is that not your primary concern either?" "1000 miles." "Rate of decay?" "8000 meters per day and accelerating." "It's coming home, all right." "Five weeks at the most, I got." "NASA's calculations agree." "But here we are." "Doctor, you designed this system." "If anyone can solve this problem, it's you." "For a minute there, I thought you two might be Bob Gerson's lackeys." "But your knowledge and your knowledge of history seems to make that impossible." "Gerson's been taking credit for my work since '58 when he replaced my ass with a monkey." "You don't work for Gerson, do you?" "He's a project manager at NASA." "He's one of many assigned to this problem." "I think it's time for you two to head on out of here." " Dr. Corvin, your country needs you." " Put a sock in it, sonny." "Can't fix it from down here and can't get a team up there in time." "That satellite's dying." "It'll come back." "My only hope is that whatever doesn't burn up in the atmosphere lands on Gerson's house." "I'll give you two career advice:" "Stay away from Gerson, as far as possible." "Apparently the buzz on you's correct." "And what buzz is that?" "You're not a team player." "That's why you washed out at NASA." "Get out." "We have to brush up on your hospitality skills." "I think I have a solution for your problem." "Frank Corvin." "So how long has it been, Frank?" "Probably not long enough, Bob." "Still haven't lost the Corvin charm, have we?" " Would you like a cup of coffee?" " Sure." " Sara?" " No, thanks." "Miss Holland tells me you're up to speed on our little problem." "We've got one sick bird up there." "Apparently, there's some kind of design flaw in the guidance system." "This is a hell of a way to get the designer to help you out." "I heard all about your initial response." "But don't you worry none." "I'm sure we'll come up with something." "Dr. Corvin is here with a solution." "Well, praise the Lord and hallelujah." "We are delivered." "So tell us about your solution, Frank." "Send my team up." "We'll fix your broken satellite for you." " Damn good cup of coffee." " Do you want to run that by me again?" "Team Daedalus." "Jerry, Hawk, Tank." "Send us up." " This is a joke." "Am I right?" " It's no joke." "We were the best of the best." "Even you'll admit to that." "How old are you, Frank?" "Old enough to know your ass is in a sling." "Sara, would you excuse us for a minute?" "This is about to become a personal matter." "I know you're running out of options." "Otherwise you'd have never come to me." "You sure as hell got that right." "You've got a satellite that's gonna come down in 34 days." "Too big to retrieve and for some reason you don't want it to crash in the atmosphere." "I did the design system." "I'm the man to fix it for you." "I don't know how to break this to you, but you're an old man." "Yeah?" "This old man's all you've got." "You know that and I know that." "Hell, you sent up Glenn, didn't you?" "I'll be waiting to hear from you." "You became a senior citizen five years ago." "Four." "Hell, Frank." "For once in your life, try to be a team player." "Train the crew if you want to." "But let the professionals at NASA fix that design flaw." "There is no flaw." "How it got on a Soviet satellite during the Cold War is the only flaw." "How did that happen, Bob?" "I don't know." "This is a hands-on job and I don't have time to train somebody to come up in time." "So you'll just have to send up Team Daedalus." " You can take it, or you can leave it." " All right, all right." "You as a technical advisor, maybe." "But I can't fill up a space shuttle with geriatrics." "You should be professional enough to know that!" "Hell, half those boys are probably dead anyway." "Clock's ticking, Bob." "And I'm only getting older." "Okay." "You got it." "Sir." "Mr. Gerson would like you to wait right here." "Okay, it's a deal." "I want it in writing." "Okay." "Now hear my terms." "You and your entire crew'll have to meet the physical requirements." "You'll all train to fix that guidance system side by side with my people in case one of your boys doesn't pass." " I think that's fair." " You're damn straight it is." "I'll enjoy watching you make a complete ass of yourself." "It's gonna be a real pleasure working with you again." "Romans Chronicles." "Chronicles." "Ah, yes." "In the 40th year, Amariah begat Zadok who begat Libni the brother of Uzziah." "No, that's not it, either." "Just..." "No..." "Once upon a time, four of the best pilots in the U.S. Air Force trained to fly into space." "They flew at the speed of sound to the very top of the sky cheating death and free-falling from 20 miles high." "Nice to see you, young man." " And you, sir." " Reverend." "It's nice to have you young people here." "Hey, boss." "Excuse me, my former boss." "I bring glad tidings, Reverend Tank, in the name of Team Daedalus." "It seems there might be resurrection after all." "Come in and let's talk about it." "I don't know, Frank." "That's a very complicated proposition." " I have a flock and grandchildren." " They'll be here when you get back." "This'll give you material for three or four more sermons." " I'll need to pray about this." " Could it be a quick prayer?" "Just wait a moment, my stiff-necked brother." "I'm receiving a word from on high." "And what is that word?" "The word is, why the hell not?" "There you go." "Good." "Second one's too fast." "Some little Johnny will pass out on us there." "35 years of designing supersonic aircraft for the military." "Now he's building roller coasters." "That's perfect." " Your father's a gifted man." " He's gifted, all right." "Too flat." "Oh, boy." "We have some work to do." "Hey, sweetheart." " You did good." " They didn't do what I..." "Hey, Frank." "Holy cow." "What are you doing here?" "Finding out what you're doing for the next month and a half." "NASA wants to send us into space." "I wondered which one of us was gonna go first." "Senile dementia." "40-year-old memories are sharp but you can't remember your breakfast." "Frank Corvin, my associate, Cherie." " Cherie." " Hi." "What'd you have for breakfast?" "I had vegetarian huevos rancheros, egg whites only, of course and then some sort of a filtered decaf cappuccino that was filtered through a jockstrap." " What are you talking about?" "NASA..." " Right here." "Right here." "Here's our contract." "You don't need those, do you?" "No." "Just to read." "And go to movies, drive, walk." "You know." " Holy cow." "How on earth..." " Are you in?" "Am I in?" "Hell, yeah." "I can't believe it." "Team Daedalus." "We ride again." "Hawk must've gone into orbit when you told him." "I haven't talked to Hawk yet." "I haven't talked to Hawk in a long time, Jerry." "When are the two of you gonna grow up and stop acting like little boys?" "It's my birthday and I want the shit scared out of me." "I wanna do barrel rolls and loop-the loops." "All that kind of stuff." "We don't do that kind of flying." "It's dangerous and irresponsible." " Yeah, too many lawsuits." " Well, who does?" "He does." "Sweet." "Hey, Hawk." " This guy wants a scary ride." " It's my birthday." "Happy birthday." "Oh, we're upside-down!" "Oh, yeah!" "Here comes the fun part." "We're going weightless." "I don't think that that's such a good idea!" "You're crazy!" "I'm so sorry." "Where'd you get the bright idea to eat a big lunch before you come out here and went flying?" " I'm sorry." "I'll clean it up." " That's all right." "I'll get it." "Congratulations!" "You earned your wings today, young man." "My hat's off to you!" "Well done!" "Yes, sir." " Splendid work." " Thank you." "I surrender to you." " I love you and being on the ground." " What's that smell?" "You know what the worst day of my life was?" "The day Armstrong set foot on the moon." "I was the only one that wanted to commit suicide that day." "Thanks." "We haven't talked in 12 years and that's been the big question on my mind:" "What could make you commit suicide?" "What are you doing here?" "Filling a promise I made 40 years ago." "Was that the promise to kill me or the one to have both of my legs broke?" "It was the other one." "I'm working on a little blackmail with NASA." "They've got a satellite that'll crash unless we fix it." "I'm guessing you designed that guidance system." "Yeah." "They're desperate." "Even Gerson's in on the deal." "I said I'd do it if the original Team Daedalus did the job." "Here it is, all in black and white." "Jerry and Tank are in and waiting for us across the highway." "Old age just brings out more of the Frank in you." "I'm genuinely impressed." "But you don't need to put foolish notions in the head of a fool." "Especially not a damned old fool." "You have a nice flight." "You weren't one then, but you are one now." "Say hello to Barbara for me." "Yeah, you say hello to Jackie." "I wished I could." "Jackie died on me, Frank." "Sorry." "I didn't know that." " He said no, huh?" " He's not coming." "Maybe we should talk to him." "He's the same stubborn jackass he always was." "And you still drive slower than a little old lady on her way to church." "That is enough to send the astronaut miles and miles in space." "So what if I was to jump on a trampoline in space?" "You would go up and up and up and you'd never come down!" "Could you hit a baseball to the moon?" "Actually, you could." "You'd just have to knock it halfway there." "That's just about 100,000 miles." "And then the moon's gravity does the rest." " Okay?" "Bye-bye." " Thank you." " You're welcome." " Thank you, Mrs. Holland." "I've never met a kid who didn't dream of being an astronaut." "Ever meet a kid that wouldn't grow up?" "Sara Holland this is William Hawkins, retired Air Force colonel." "The best pilot they ever had, next to me." "The Hawk." "I've heard of you." "Commander Jenkins told me a story about you and him in Vietnam." "From Cliff Jenkins, it's guaranteed to be 100% bullshit." "I'll guarantee you that." "How's he doing?" "Actually, he's dead." "While Hawk gets his foot out of his mouth, I'll introduce Tank Sullivan." "He's a navigator." "The best one the Air Force ever had." "He'd find anything anywhere." "That is, till God found him." "Now more than ever." "A pleasure to meet you." "This is Jerry O'Neill." "He's a structural engineer and designer." "Jerry worked on the Stealth project." "You remember that." "No nickname for you?" "Well, you can call me anytime." "Okay." "If you men are ready, we have some work to do." "Would you like a banana, honey?" "I don't need to remind you of the consequences of failure here." " Personal consequences." " That's the problem with you Russians." "With you, the glass is always half empty." "These men you are sending up, they're not astronauts." "The last time they trained for a space mission, cars had fins on them." "The truth is Frank Corvin's not going anywhere." "His team's not gonna pass the physical trials." "This is supposed to reassure me?" "What will you do then?" "My best young astronaut is training alongside Corvin gaining proficiency in that antiquated guidance system." "Until he does, Frank Corvin's gonna believe he's going up." "I don't know." " We should consult..." " There will be no goddamn consulting." "No one, and I mean no one, is to be in the loop on our little problem." "Do I make myself perfectly clear, general?" "Good morning, all." "And welcome to STS-200 ops overview briefing." "This is an unusual mission, I think we'd all agree." "We'll get started on the particulars here in a moment." "First, let's welcome the astronauts selected for this mission:" "The founding members of Project Daedalus." "As you all know, these men are the pioneers of this business." "They were around when rockets were born." "Welcome, gentlemen." "STS-200 was originally slated to deliver a structural payload to the International Space Station." "Circumstances have forced us to push back that mission and undertake an emergency rescue operation." "The average staging time for a mission is 12 months." "We're doing this one in 30 days." "In 1986 the former Soviet Union launched communications satellite Ikon." " Ikon is a link..." " I'll tell you about it later." "...in Russia's telecommunications chain." "Her orbit is rapidly decaying." "She will reenter the Earth's atmosphere in 30 days." "Your mission is to intercept and capture her using the shuttle's grappling arm." "You will then have a 42-hour window in which to repair her guidance system." "From there she'll be reconfigured by Mission Control." "After that, you'll shoot her back into geosync orbit using the payload assist module rockets." "Any questions?" "Question." "With all due respect to the guys, why don't we just capture the bird bring it home with a crew trained in satellite retrieval?" "It's too big, Gene." "Too big?" "For the space shuttle?" "How did you guys get it up there in the first place?" "There were modifications post-deployment." "Listen up, people." "This system has to be fixed on-site." "Frank is the only engineer proficient in such obsolete technology." "Given the short amount of time he's the only engineer to do the job." "So Frank Corvin's band of Leisure World aviators are going into space." "NASA agree to all this?" "Did the Russians?" " Frank didn't give us a lot of choice." " I figured that." "You hate each other way too much to have cooked this up together." "Count me out." "I think you guys need to get a new flight director." "You know, one thing is driving me nuts, though." "How did a guidance system from Skylab end up in a Russian bird?" "I don't know, Gene, but apparently I'm the man who can fix it." "Grow up, will you, Frank?" "Can't you be a team player for once?" "Why can't you assist my astronauts as an engineer?" "If I wasn't 100% sure that my guys could do as well as your astronauts I wouldn't go anywhere near it." "Still the same old Frank, huh?" "Well, that's the consensus around here." "So you fellas made a deal?" "Fine." "Here's my deal." "I am the flight director and I can pull the plug on this one." "When it's over, it's over." "I am not turning over a new space shuttle to rookies with a month's training." "You're taking two of my guys." "Ethan, who's a brown-nosing snot and Roger, who's a cocky little shit." "But they're the two best astronauts." "They fly or the package stays on the ground." " Deal?" " Well, okay, Gene." "And if I sense for one second that your team isn't cutting it physically or mentally you're off, and my original team flies." "So let's see if you still got it to go." "Suck it up, Frank." " Gene's the same guy I remembered." " Yeah, he's an asshole." " A prick." " Some things never change." "Now just cough when I say, okay?" "Cough." "And again, please." "Morning, gentlemen." "I'm Dr. Caruthers." "I'll be assisting Dr. Michaelson here." "Hi." "Nothing to be ashamed of." "Easy for you to say." " Cover your eye and read the chart." " Time me." ""E, F, L, E, P, T P, L, E, P, F, L, F, L, E P, T, P, L, F, E, T, E L, O, P, Z, D, D, E, F, P, O, T, E, C F, L, E, P, T, P, L, E, P F, L, F, L, E, P, T, P, L, F, L, T, M, A, D in U, S, A."" "Made in the USA." "That's one for the economy, I guess." "You have 20/10 vision." " I'll be damned." " And 14 seconds." "All right. "E, F, L, E, P, T P, L, E, P, F, L, E L, E, P, T, L, P, E, F, E, T, Z, E, T T."" " 20/20." " And five seconds slow." "Good." " Next." " I'm next." " Five seconds, my ass." " I wish I could be your next." "Get your fiancé to take you to a French brasserie and give you oysters." " If he won't, can I?" " Let's see how you do on your physical." "I'll just do the bottom three lines." ""F, L, E, P, T, P L, E, P, F, L, F, L, E, P, T, P, L, F, E, T."" "Do you think oysters would be too much for the first date?" " You have 20/10 vision, captain." " These are just for looking at you." "I may be blind, Frank, but my memory's perfect." "Next." "Colonel Hawkins." "You all right?" " I'm just not too crazy about needles." " Well, that's pretty common." "Make a fist and pump it a couple times." "Okay, that's good." " You don't remember me, do you?" " What?" "My father was flight surgeon at Beale Air Force Base." "Oh, yeah." " Dr. Martin." "The Goat." " The Goat, yeah." "That was my dad." "I met you when I was 12 years old." "I doubt you remember." "Now wait a minute now." "Pigtails, freckles and knobby little knees." " Was that you?" " That was me." " How is old Goat?" " He passed away nine years ago." "You noticed how everybody seems to be dead lately?" " Yeah." " I hear that." "You guys ready to do some laps?" "Sure." " We'll go easy today." "We'll do ten." " Minutes?" "Miles." "Let's go." "Miles." " Little prick." " Frank." " Thank you." " Let's go." "Did he really mean miles?" " How far have we gone, Frank?" " Almost two." " I'm going to have a heart attack." " That's the point." " What?" "To give us heart attacks?" " Hell, yes." "Suppose we didn't make liftoff." "We'd be the first country to launch dead bodies into orbit." "If we have heart attacks NASA will want us to have it here on Earth." " Get moving." " I'm an engineer, for crying out loud." " I stopped running during Nixon." " Your lady doctor's watching." " She is?" " Oh, no." "Do 225, colonel?" "Oh, hell, yes." "Hell, yes." "Spot me, tiger." "You got it." " Ready?" "There we go." " Yeah." "All right, let it go." "Let her go, Hawk." "Come on, you can do it." "Thattaboy." "Thattaboy." "All right." "Push, baby." "Push, push." "Up." "All right, come on." "Here we go." "Let her go." "Let her go." "Push it, baby." "Come on." "Yeah, you got it." "You the man." "All right." "I got it." "I got it." "All right now!" " Thattaboy." " Oh, yes, sir." "Not bad." "You trying to do something over there." "Anything worth doing's worth doing well." "I'm going to go to my room now and cry." "I'm too tired to chew." "Try to look a little perkier, will you, fellas?" "You still want to go on with this, Frank?" "What do you want to do, quit now?" "We just finished the tough stuff." "Now we start training for the mission." " Everybody get a good night's sleep." " There's a real challenge." "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "Goddamn teeth won't stay in." "Damn, Jerry." "Jesus." "Gentlemen, a round of drinks from your friends over there who ordered you some goodies." "A little Ensure for you guys." "To old gummers in space." "Cheers." "I drink this stuff." "It's good for your libido." " Race you the last lap." " All right." " Okay." "Countdown to one?" " All right." "One!" "Frank, hi." "I was looking for Hawk." "Well, come on in." "Come on in." "He's right in there." "Go ahead." "The coast is all clear." " Go ahead." " Okay." "I am so sorry." "No, it's okay." "It's okay." "It's all right." "What brings you to the men's locker room?" "Gene moved up the stimulator, I mean, I'm sorry, the simulator run." "Okay." "To when?" "Oh, right." "That would be 11:00." "There were some procedures that I wanted you to be aware of." "This is very uncomfortable, and I'll be leaving now." "I'm going to take you out for a beer." "I'll be needing one." "Here we go." "Right on target." "Hi." "Jerry O'Neill." "Do you mind, lady?" "You make me nervous." "Get used to it." "You'll have a lot more people watching you on TV." "Thank you." "Very comforting." " You don't make me nervous." " Oh, Jerry." "I got a roller coaster that'll stop your heart." "I threw up on my helmet!" "That was three Gs." "As bad as it gets during ascent and reentry." "I am so pleased." "It was a piece of cake, guys." "Okay, thanks." " First one to pass out buys the beer." " You're on." "This thing moving?" "I don't know." "Doesn't seem to be moving to me." "Say, fellas, is y'all's equipment broke down?" "What's going on?" "Makes them look younger, doesn't it?" " You're a pushover." " I do believe it's moving now." "That sure will take the wrinkles out." "What the hell's going on here!" "?" "I'm sure you think you're putting on a great show, but this is not a toy!" "Now which one of you idiots wants to explain this?" "Gene." "What?" "Which one of us passed out first?" "I'm getting too old for this shit." "I can cook things you wouldn't believe." "I cook crab, lobster." "That'll be seven dollars." "Hello?" "I'm sorry." "He's buying." " We both passed out at the same time." " Bullshit." "I saw you pass out just before I passed out." "I saw that." "But never mind." "I'll get this round because of my confidence." "Absolute confidence in my superiority, absolute superiority to you in every human endeavor in life." "Keep the change." "We'll leave it up to the young lady." "Tell me, given the circumstances which one of us would you take home tonight?" " You mean, like, to the home?" " Yeah." " Like, the retirement home?" "Seriously." "Would you choose this man with his asymmetrical sagging ass cheeks love handles the size of Nebraska and his gross, old, ugly ingrown toenails?" "Or this hairy-eared son of a bitch with a chicken gizzard neck and a face like Death Valley fire trails?" " Stop harassing the waitress." " I'm not." "What are you talking about?" "I'm having a private conversation that doesn't involve you." "Go back to your virgin pink daiquiri and mind your own business." "She's my friend who has to put up with assholes like you." " Tiny..." " But I don't." "If you want to harass, harass me." " I believe he's harassing you already." " I'll put you in the hospital." "I have Medicare." "Shoot your best shot." " I'll make your old lady a widow." " Don't..." "Wait!" "You can't do this!" "No, you're going up into space in 22 days." "If you break a bone or sprain your ankle your space shuttle seat'll go to that MIT weenie with blow-dried hair." "We'll watch the launch on TV at your damn house." " What makes you think I'll hurt myself?" " What about a space shuttle?" "You're gonna blow this for us again." "You and your mean-ass temper." " Are you saying I blew it back in '58?" " Hell, yes, you blew it in '58." "You crashed every plane the Air Force gave us." "All right." "We're taking this outside." "I'll whip your ass!" "Get out there in that parking lot!" "You wait here, Tiny." " Let's go." " I got ten on Frank." "Can I get your ass out of a jam or not?" "Did you see that guy's face when I said..." "Just who got Team Daedalus canned, Colonel Hawkins?" "Damn, this is gonna be a long night." " Hawk's quick, but Frank's got reach." " They'll never grow up." "That girl I was dancing with was a database administrator." "Really?" "Morning, partner." " Morning, Hawk." " Good morning." " What happened to your eye?" " I fell in the shower." "Tell maintenance to put some no-slip adhesives on that slippery floor." "How's that right there?" "Still ten megahertz, maybe a little more." "How's it going, Frank?" "Fine." "Fine." "What's with the eye?" "Slip in the shower?" "How would you know that?" "I'll chat with the janitor." "Airspeed, 300." "Crosswind on our right, 14 knots." "Running a little hot." "Want to open up a speed brake?" "200." "100." "Touchdown." "Nice landing, guys." "Let's put the rookies up front." "Simsupe, you on with me?" "Simsupe." "Go, Gene." " It's gonna be tough to beat." " I think so." "You up." "Standard package." "Let's throw them a Little League kind of curve." "Hydraulic failure." "Switching to secondary." "I'm going to manual control." "You can't do that." "The bird's on a computerized track." "1000 feet." "Your airspeed's too high." "Stick to their protocol, will you?" "I'm going to manual control." "Goddamn, boy." "You cannot do that!" "Secondary hydraulic failure." " You'll come in short." " Like hell." "Shit." "Come on." "You can't throw that at them on the first run." "We got three weeks to send four old farts into space." "This is flight school 101 stuff." "Look, this is not a stripped-down show plane." "You gotta do it their way." "I don't need a computer to tell me how to land a plane." "It's not a plane." "It's a flying brick on approach." " You got to use the on-board computer." " What if it fails?" "It's never failed." "Houston, "Horizon"." "Go, "Horizon"." "Request secondary landing, please." "Houston, "Horizon"." "Request on-board computer failure on second landing." "All right, run it again." " "Horizon", stand by for 2nd approach." " Sock it to them." "3000 feet." "Coming in too steep." "Pull up, sir." "You'll lose it again." "Fire in Av Bay Two." "You'll lose avionics." "I don't need them anyway, this thing's a flying brick on approach." "Wind shear off the nose and the fire is contained." "Computers are down." "She's all yours." "500 feet." "You're almost lined up." "Your airspeed is way too high." "Airspeed is four-niner-zero." "Coming in too high." " You'll overshoot." " You won't get it stopped." "It's easy." "All you got to do is tap on the brakes a little bit." "Not that much." "You'll put her into a stall." "100 feet." "You know what you're doing, right?" " I'm tapping on the brakes a bit." " Drop the nose!" "You'll lose it." "Knock it off!" "Drop the nose." " What's the airspeed?" " 200." "You're right on it." "What do you say we just drop that nose a little bit like that right there." "Smooth as a baby's ass." "That's impossible." "For a computer it might be." "Flying brick." "I like that." "Ladies and gentlemen, from your teammates at the table over there." "Gerber's baby food." "And some training material for you to look over." "Pictures for the bigger words." "A talking frog's worth something." " 40 percent." " 40 percent?" "!" "You might nail it." "You might crash and burn." " The odds are against you, colonel." " Watch this." "40 percent." "40 percent for you, you nail it." "40 percent for me, I'd have missed by a mile." "That's why I got out of the astronaut program." "I knew my chances of getting on a space shuttle were way less than 40." "But I was an astronaut, almost." " You'd have been a damn good one too." " Thank you." "You don't think like that." "You've jumped out of planes 20 miles up." "You drove rocket sleds at the speed of sound." " You're not afraid of anything." " I've been afraid." "Oh, bullshit." "When?" "When I was 17 years old." "I was crazy in love with this college girl." "She was beautiful." "Oh, gorgeous." "And a ball of fire." "She, of course, was crazy in love with..." " You." " No." "Texas AM's all-American defensive end Scott LeBeau." "And I mean, this cat was six-foot-six if he was a foot." "Gary Cooper handsome." "One day, a bunch of friends and I decided we'd drink too much beer and crash a big old sorority cotillion." "You know, everybody's dressed up in chiffon gowns and Daddy's tuxedo." "There we are, looking like a bunch of brush poppers and goat ropers." " At the governor's ranch too." " I'm beginning to get the picture." "So my friends tell me that they see LeBeau entering the Port-a-Potty." "One of them little old fiberglass shithouses." "I did a better tackle on that fiberglass shithouse than he ever did on the football field and the thing rolled down a bluff into a creek." "Screaming and yelling all the way down except it don't sound like no all-American defensive end." " It's decidedly more feminine." " Oh, no, you didn't." "The love of my life, rolling down the bluff in a fiberglass shithouse." "It was very, very sad." " What happened then?" " I ran like hell." " Joined the Air Force the next day." " Afraid LeBeau'd kick your ass." "Well, hell, no." "I wasn't afraid of him." "I was afraid, I mean truly afraid of her." "Are you afraid of me?" "I married her." "Four years later." "What?" "I'm only 15 minutes late." "Oh, shit." "Extra, extra." "Read all about it." "I don't know how this leaked out." "I swear." "NASA's been getting calls from every tabloid in the country asking me to verify that story." "Why can't we verify the story?" " Why?" " Yeah." "Because STS-200 is a delicate, top-secret satellite recovery that's why." "That makes it look like a goddamn three-ring circus." "How do you think the vice president felt this morning when he opened his paper and saw that?" "It's easy for you to laugh." "You don't deal with him." "I do." "We're going to simulate your onboard living conditions to familiarize you with the new living environment." "Watch your step." " What the hell's this thing?" " ACM." "Asshole Centering Monitor." "Gentlemen, this is your funnel." "It attaches to the hose here." "Before starting, make sure you have a tight seal against your skin." " Is that the only one you got?" " Yes, one size does fit all." "But just in case, there's a diaper underneath your pressurized suits." " I'll use that." " I'm sure you will." "Anything else?"