"[ dramatic music plays ]" "It was a four-story fall..." "From the top of the roof to the concrete pavement below." "He had just passed his 29th birthday." "911." "Can I help you?" "I need a paramedic." "He fell." "How far did he fall?" "He fell four stories, which would be 40 feet." "Blood in his mouth, and other than that," "I don't know if there's any other injuries." "We had been texting each other all day." "His name was tom." "And he was my life." "At the beginning of our relationship," "Tom and I bonded over the many similarities we had." "[ sniffles ]" "We both grew up listening to country music." "Garth brooks is our favorite country artist." "[ sniffles ]" "And, somehow, we both agreed that "the dance"" "Is our favorite country song." "If there was ever a person" "To truly emulate the lyrics of this song, it was tom." "holding you" "Holding you..." "I held everything -..." "I held everything." "for a moment" "For a moment..." "wasn't I the king?" "..." "Wasn't I the king?" "but if I'd only known how the king would fall hey, who's to say you know, I might have changed it all â™ª and I" "I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end the way it all would go our lives are better left to chance" "I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance [ wistful country music plays ]" "Kalispell, Montana, is probably not the easiest place" "To have a child grow up who is gay." "Our community is " "You don't want to say backwoodsy," "But, you know, they're rural," "And so they don't accept people who are different." "The day Shane was born," "I had to get a special leave from the hospital" "To go sign my divorce papers." "So I was the talk of the hospital 'cause we're a small, little town," "And [chuckles] that was kind of a special moment in my life." "I think that, you know," "They might have gotten married too soon, possibly," "And they kind of just grew apart." "My dad, he's a character." "He was a wrestler in college, and he loves hunting." "I would go hunting with my dad," "And all of a sudden," "After he'd shoot a deer, I would end up in tears, 'cause I kept thinking "bambi" " "Like, "my dad just shot bambi."" "After a while, he stopped taking me hunting." "I made a deal with my dad, growing up," "That I would try all different sports." "He tried baseball." "He tried basketball." "He tried them all." "I remember one loss they had," "And Shane hardly played at all, but, boy, he took it hard." "And that was pretty cute," "But he wasn't much of a contributor." "My first memory of Shane was at a school play," "And he was just singing, dancing " "Whatever he could do to entertain, he was doing it." "We had made a car." "We used red glitter." "And Shane wanted that car like none other." "He was in fourth grade," "And I remember him telling his teacher" "That, when he graduated from high school," "He was going to California." "And I just thought, "why is that?"" "You know, that just seemed so strange." "I particularly remember him singing Barbara Streisand." "He was running around the room in circles" "And singing right in everyone's face -- you don't bring me flowers" "Like, just so charismatic and so unafraid." "I was in elementary school," "And what I would do sometimes is " "I didn't want to go to bed," "And my mom would tell me to go to bed," "And then I would sneak out" "And sit behind her recliner and watch the tv, 'cause I wanted to kind of be a little rebel." "One time, she was watching the movie "Philadelphia."" "[ choir singing in latin ]" "Finally, it got to the end of the movie," "And I knew that this guy was gay," "And I knew that he was sick" "And he was dying because of being gay," "And that really -- it struck a chord with me 'cause I knew that..." "I was like him." "That guy liked another guy, and look what happened " "He kept getting thinner, he kept getting pale," "And there was like sores on his face and his body," "And I just remember thinking that, "that's gonna be me." "That's gonna happen to me."" "He got quieter," "And he wasn't as fun to be around." "You could tell that something was always on his mind," "Something was always bothering him," "But you never knew what it was." "One night, I remember Shane coming into my room," "And he said, "mom, I'm dying of a.I.D.S."" "And I said, "honey, why are you saying that?"" "And he goes, "well, because of that movie."" "And I said, "well, honey, you don't have a.I.D.S."" "And that's when I really noticed" "Shane starting to have panic attacks." "He felt like he couldn't breathe." "And we would have to say," ""you've got to put a sack over your head."" "He didn't like doing it," "But when he was at my house, we put a sack over his head." "So as time went on," "I would sneak into one of the bedrooms in our house" "And I would dial 911 and tell them that I was dying." "And all of a sudden," "I see these flashing lights in the driveway," "And I thought, "what is going on?"" "And I go upstairs, and here is the ambulance" "Saying that somebody is in distress in this home." "Somebody was choking." "Somebody was suffocating." "It led to her being like, you know, "Shane, god damn it!" "The cops are here again."" "From sixth grade, till I got that kid through high school," "I didn't know if I was gonna survive." "I bet 10, 15 times he called 911." "The money [chuckles]" "That it, you know, cost me through the years " "It was very stressful." "But it was real to him, and I knew it was real to him," "And I wanted him to feel he was safe." "She finally decided" "That this is maybe more serious than she can handle," "So she set me up with a therapist." "When Shane got done with his session," "He asked me to come in, and he said," ""your son just needs to admit to himself that he's gay," "And everything will be fine."" "And I said, "how can you say that?" "He's not gay."" "And doctor Hausser said, "well, you know," "That's something you're gonna have to come to peace with."" "I always suspected -- I'm not gonna lie to you." "It took me a couple days to process," "And the thing it come down to is," ""I ain't making any more kids " "I better stay in good with the ones I got."" "And I love him unconditionally, so it just doesn't matter." "It's kind of funny now that, here I was a little boy," "On my knees, praying to god that I wouldn't be gay," "And there was another little boy 1,500 miles away in Indiana doing the same thing." "Knox, indiana, is not the easiest place" "For a gay kid to grow up." "It's very homogenous -- not much diversity there." "I knew tom" "When both of our brothers were in boy scouts together." "Everybody loved him." "And he was just the popular kid." "He had a lot of empathy." "I'll never forget, the day my mom died," "Tom was the first person to come over to my house." "He walked in the door, and he was crying " "You know, almost like he's sadder than I am." "Tom's mother and father each had children" "From previous marriages." "So, tom was the only child between the two parents," "And he was the center of attention in the family." "He was the center of attention everywhere he was." "Tom would always be playing the piano at home," "Singing, dancing around." "come on, baby you're driving me crazy goodness gracious great balls of fire!" "He was doing his tricks on the trampoline," "And he was always performing." "For tom, there was never any such thing as too much." "Tom's dad, he was a simple blue-collar worker," "Came home late, got up really early the next day," "And, you know, did it again." "Both of his parents sacrificed a lot for tom's happiness." "His mom took a job as a janitor so that tom could go to culver." "Not many parents would do that " "Would start cleaning toilets so their son could have" "The best education." "Tom's dad was in Vietnam, and that's why" "He went to Vietnam when he was in high school." "He definitely respected his dad for fighting for his country." "I think, as tom got older, as tom became his own person," "It just became difficult for them to connect." "Tom was always very adamant" "About saying what he believed in," "And it didn't work with his dad." "[ rap music plays ]" "And it's sad, but I really think that," "If more people would give me a chance to be their friend," "I could show them that," "Just 'cause I'm not exactly like them," "That I'm still a good person." "Hi." "How's it going?" "[ laughing ] what?" "I'm just coming to get the usual." "All right." "Thank you." "It's kind of pathetic" "If they know exactly what I get every time." "In Kalispell, seriously," "There's tons of people at dairy queen." "It's the cool place to be." "[ laughing ] yeah, let's see." "What?" "She just closed the camera." "Oh, there's -- there's -- [ laughs ]" "Oh, geez." "They closed the windows." "I actually worked here," "But I didn't tell people that I worked here." "I have to admit" "That I want to be one of those people" "That people are like, "ooh!" "Whoa!" "He looks good."" "'cause I enjoy running," "But when I run, it's on a treadmill in our house," "Because I do not want people seeing me running." "I do not want people to see me, really, at all." "The one thing that I wanted" "Was just someone that I could talk to and relate to," "That accepted me for being me." "I developed a crush for a guy named Matt Parker." "And we would spend the night at each other's houses" "All the time." "We would play basketball outside." "We were just best friends." "It was in high school that I finally got the courage" "To tell Matt how I felt, and I wrote him a love letter." "I was nervous." "I was so nervous about giving him the letter." "But he had to tell me that he's not gay." "And it broke my heart, but at the same time," "I was still so happy that he was willing to be my friend." "There was a situation with a couple friends in high school," "And they were questioning his sexuality" "And kind of were, you know, mocking him," "Making fun of him," "And a couple of his friends completely shunning him." "I got a phone call from one of his best friend's mother," "And she wanted me to come over." "She was very upset." "Once my mom told me that she was going over to Matt's house," "I knew immediately this was not gonna be good." "It wasn't, you know, really a love, love letter." "It was just, you know, he admired Matt," "He enjoyed his time," "And it was just, I thought, like a good friendship letter." "It was nothing distasteful." "It was nothing sexual." "It was just telling him how he felt about him." "I let her say everything she wanted to say," "And after she was done, I just told her," "I said, "you'll never have to worry about this again," "Because Shane will never be around Matt," "And I don't to ever hear from you again."" "I don't want to say what I really told her." "It wasn't polite, and I just told her, basically," "Take the flying leap and to leave my son alone." "Matt's parents were very prominent in the community." "His dad was a principal." "His mom was a teacher." "I was told by the principal" "That I wasn't allowed" "To go to any sporting events," "Because Matt was on the teams." "That was the big place to be." "That was where everyone in town was," "And Shane wasn't welcome." "Matt was also in the same church community," "And Shane wasn't able" "To go on a very important trip with his youth group." "Matt's parents made it so he couldn't go," "And he had raised all this money to go on this trip," "And he was devastated." "He acted like it was no big deal," "But you could tell he was hurt." "Once this letter came out," "This boy and his parents went and shouted it to the world." "Kids at school were constantly picking on him." "He wasn't accepted anymore." "They called him gay." "They called him fag." "The names that they called him were just horrendous." "There's a mentality of the "cowboy way,"" "Which does not include people that are gay." "So it's a tough place." "Before he was banned, Shane was at a football game," "And all these kids started spitting in this cup." "And next thing I know, the one kid" "That used to be a real good friend of Shane's had this cup," "And he was just about ready to tip it on Shane's head." "And [snaps fingers] let me tell you -- if you want to talk" "About a mother bear protecting her cub," "This woman came unglued." "I said, "you put that damn cup down, and leave him alone."" "It was just heartbreaking to see that happen to my son." "It was after all the drama with Matt and his family" "That I just went to a really dark place," "And I had a breakdown." "I got a call from the school informing me" "My son hasn't been to school for two weeks." "Other kids made his life literally a living hell," "And it never really got better," "And I don't think he ever saw it would get better," "And that's why he just stopped going." "One evening, all three daughters and I" "Went to the furniture store," "And it was his birthday," "And he was by himself, just hanging out with his mom." "He was very depressed." "He was not Shane." "He was like a shell of himself." "I was sick of the embarrassment and the pain" "That I was bringing to my family." "I felt like the only way that I can make their lives better" "Is by taking my own." "I was at my dad's house, I was home alone," "And I just walked over to his gun case." "And I took one of the guns," "And I just went back in the living room," "And I just sat there, and I held it." "I mean, there was so many thoughts," "Like, going through my head at that moment." "It was like for over an hour, just really contemplating," "Like, what my next step should be." "Fortunately, I also thought through" "In that it wouldn't be fair to my family." "It wouldn't be fair to my mom." "And I just had to visualize" "What the experience would be like for them" "If I did take my life." "And it wouldn't be worth it." "Also, on some level, I must have believed" "That, somehow, someday," "There's gonna be someone out there" "Who's gonna love me for me." "[ vocalizing ]" "Tom just had this presence." "He had this energy." "He was always singing and laughing" "And enjoying life so much." "there was a decorated general with a heart of gold â™ª" "He was at the top of his class." "He was a leader in all aspects of the word," "In sports, and in school." "on the battlefield..." "Every time you met tom," "It felt like you were meeting your best friend." "And it didn't matter who you were " "He always had your back." "I think tom went to culver" "Instead of the high school in his hometown" "Because he saw it as an opportunity" "To open his horizons," "And, you know, his parents played a big role in that." "His mom worked at culver" "Primarily so that they could afford the reduced tuition" "So that tom would have all those opportunities." "He came out to me our senior year." "It was at night, and we were sitting in the grass," "And I remember he got really serious all of a sudden," "And he said, "I have something to tell you " "I'm gay."" "Then he put his head in his lap," "And he was crying and really emotional about it." "I think he was really afraid of being judged." "It didn't surprise me at all." "This is coming from my friend who," "Probably three or four weeks ago," "Was singing "I'm a barbie girl,"" "While jumping on a trampoline in his backyard." "He knew everybody, and everybody knew him." "I felt like my popularity scale rose" "Just because I hung out with him." "Tom was friends with Anne Hathaway in school." "He also was friends with tom hanks' daughter." "I never could wrap my mind around it," "Because here was tom, this sort of midwestern," "Corn-fed, american-pie-eating guy," "Who came from this tiny town in Indiana," "Who then went to military school." "He was able to get along and succeed" "In that entire social circle and academic circle" "And then went to Vassar, which is this liberal place" "And a completely different vibe." "He just sort of was magic." "Tom, for as beautiful as he was and, you know [chuckles]" "The fact that he knew how beautiful he was," "He did not care at all about how other people looked." "And he did not care where you came from," "What car you drove." "He just accepted anybody and everybody for who they were," "And I think because he was gay" "And because he knew what it was like" "To be not the mainstream, normal person." "He told me many times" "How much he respected me because I was hearing-impaired." "What 20-something-year-old says to you," ""wow, you're amazing -- you've done so much"?" ""I'm in total awe of you --"" "Who says that?" "Nobody." "[ singing classical music in latin ] [ piano playing ]" "He gave recitals of classical music." "He wrote incredibly heartfelt lyrics." "But he was tough, 'cause he could kick your ass." "He could wrestle you down." "I know that his dad was very stern." "The idea of manhood and masculinity" "And presenting yourself in a certain way" "Was important to him." "I think he wanted to have tom basically play that role." "And tom knew how to play it very well." "There was definitely" "An unspoken understanding between tom and I" "That he was gay." "And I know that was a struggle for him," "Because he still hadn't told his parents." "I think tom was literally worried" "That his dad would kill him." "Well, I'm leaving Kalispell right now," "And it's roughly 3:00." "And, yep, I am nervous." "I have been talking to my family," "And everyone's crying and doing that whole thing." "I'm gonna be on my cellphone" "So it looks like I'm not talking to myself." "Everyone gave me money and told me to be safe." "So, here I go." "After graduation, he got a scholarship" "To go to the school here in town." "[ voice breaking ] and so it was hard" "For me to not have him take it." "'cause he wanted to go to California." "I knew, when he went to Hollywood," "He was going to be okay," "And he can mix in with where a lot of gay people were." "I didn't even know he [chuckling] went to -- [ normal voice ] my mind is gone." "I can't remember many things." "I love rock 'n' roll put another dime in the jukebox, baby â™ª" "what you are we made you oh, if you really love me [ vocalizing ] a whole new wo-o-o-o-o-o-rld that's where we'll be" "We first met Shane" "At a family wedding in Missoula, Montana." "He said, "eventually, I'd like to move to California."" "Well, three months later," "We got a phone call from him that he was here." "So we kind of tried to steer him " "Helping him get a job, a place to live." "And we became like his adopted parents." "I think he was barely 18 years old," "This thin kid with curly hair," "Out of Montana into the big city." "He was very quiet, very reserved." "He showed me some head shots that he took." "He had wavy, wavy hair, and he looked like Liberace." "Oh." "Right." "Right, right." "And I thought, "oh, my god." -right." ""what am I gonna tell this kid?"" "Shane said he wanted to be an actor." "But after a very short time, it became clear" "He just wanted to get to California." "I got a job working as a production assistant" "For a tv show." "Shane and I met in the tape vault," "And it was pretty much love at first sight." "He's got that small-town kind of quality to him." "He's just so likable and funny and so humble." "Shane doesn't necessarily see sort of what everyone else sees." "One of my friends that I worked with," "She invited me to go bowling with one of her friends." "We had this idea" "That we had to get tom and Shane to meet each other." "But we didn't tell them that it was a setup." "She said that there was gonna be this guy there named tom" "And that he's active in the industry," "So she thought that maybe it would be a good person" "To be connected with." "We get there." "He is ridiculously attractive " "Gorgeous, if you will -- so charismatic." "He was an actor." "I think he had been in a few things." "And almost immediately, [chuckling] Shane became skeptical." "He was like, "who is this guy?"" "And I'm like, "why is he bothering you so much, Shane?"" "He was four years older than me." "Like, he had traveled the world," "You know, spoke a different language." "He played a bunch of instruments." "He was just so cocky and confident," "And, well, of course, he, like, was bowling really well." "And then here I am, like, can't even knock five pins down." "So, it wasn't too long after we went bowling" "That we all got together again at my friend Lizzy's apartment." "It was that night" "That we finally exchanged phone numbers." "We ended up hanging out," "You know, a few times here and there." "And he was always singing." "He was always happy." "life is a highway" "I want to ride it all night long â™ª" "Tom and I, we would spend all day together," "And then he would go home," "Which would lead to, later in the evening," "Talking on the phone for a few hours." "It did not take long" "For me to really feel comfortable with tom," "That I could tell him anything." "Like, I trusted him with my life." "Tom was a very confident person." "[ chuckles ] he went after Shane." "At first, Shane was like, "aah,"" "'cause he had never been in a relationship before." "This was his, you know, first love." "We went to hear tom one time," "And Shane would look around the room while he was playing" "Because he wanted to make sure everybody was paying attention" "And seeing what he saw." "And there is a jewish word called kvell." "And that's what he looked like when tom performed " "He was keeling." "He was glowing." "It was incredible to finally experience" "That feeling of love -- you know, like the butterflies." "It's what I always imagined that all my friends felt." "It didn't take long for me to move into his apartment." "They got very close very quickly." "I think their freedom wasn't moving to l.A." "I think tom was definitely the door for Shane" "To come to terms with himself." "Tom was a safe place." "When tom met Shane, he was a little, lost sheep." "And tom really looked out for Shane." "He loved making dinner even when he was really tired." "He loved tying my ties " "Even properly tucking my shirt in," "Because at culver, they teach you how to do all that." "Tom truly was pursuing his dreams," "And Shane knew that bills had to be paid." "Shane was the level-headed one." "What one couldn't think of, the other one could." "They found an awful lot in common." "They were both romantics." "They're both from small towns." "Both wanted to make an impression on the world." "They were always smiling and always having a good time." "I mean, they're the kind of couple" "That makes you believe in love." "I just loved their bickering," "Which was really flirting." "That was probably my favorite part of their relationship." "I did this once in military school " "The kid had to shave his head." "[ both laugh ] -why are you telling me that?" "Seriously, don't pull so hard." "They were like an old married couple " "They were young, gay, but they never wanted to go out." "I'm like, "let's go to the bar." "Let's go to the club."" "They didn't go out a lot, 'cause they were always working, trying to build something." "I know that, for tom, it wasn't just about fidelity," "Which, of course, was like number one." "It was also about being" "Completely emotionally available," "Mentally available, spiritually available to Shane." "When you get to my age," "You start being a little agnostic" "That anything like that can occur." "But over time, it became pretty apparent" "That this was something that was probably going" "To last for a very, very long time." "There was an aura about them that just was something special." "Everyone in this room," "Or anyone watching this documentary could wish" "That they had the love that tom and Shane had." "That's what you dream about at night." "And they had it." "Shane and tom started doing online promotion for musicians." "And they had the little, tiny shack of a studio," "But it was just so much fun," "And we would just spend hours and hours" "Just trying to think of ways to take over the world." "All of a sudden," "There was this factory of videos that started coming out." "They had all these ideas" "For what could be a tv show or a travel show." "Hey, everybody, I'm tom, in the beautiful, extremely hot" "And humid city of rio de Janeiro, brazil." "I'm tom." "And I'm Shane." "And we're in Oahu." "Why do you always do that voice?" "[ nasally ] I know." "I'm the pilot." "[ nasally ] this is better than a pilot." "[ normal voice ] you know you do that voice." "Oh, I know." "Okay." "They became adventurers, filmmakers, documentarians." "I think they just really liked the idea" "Of taking the excitement that they had and sharing it." "The more tom and I fell in love," "The more we wanted to tell our parents about it." "But each of us had the philosophy" "That there was no need to tell your family" "Until you found that person" "That you were gonna spend the rest of your life with." "So, my mom and my aunt were visiting," "And it was very late at night," "But I told my mom that I had to talk to her." "With tom by my side, I said, "mom."" "I said, "honey, if you're gonna tell me you're gay, that's fine." "I know it, and I'm okay with it."" "And I said, "and is tom your partner?"" "And tom goes, "yep." "I'm his partner."" "Tom was sitting there waiting for a big blowup or something," "And I just said, "well, great." "You know, I don't have to worry about Shane like I did."" "Tom was my godsend." "Shane didn't have his anxieties anymore." "He was more confident." "He was happy." "He was just more of a man." "I never imagined" "That I could love my mom even more than I did." "She had been there through all my struggles of being gay." "And we never said out loud what the real deal was," "But now we had." "It was the greatest feeling ever." "chestnuts roasting on an open fire â™ª" "Tom and I knew" "It would be a challenge to come out to his parents." "So, he was in Indiana for Christmas." "It was just him and his mom." "And there was something that came on tv" "About a lesbian couple," "And tom's mom made a comment about how that was disgusting." "And tom, at that moment, just realized," ""like, I need to tell her."" "He told his mom, "mom, I'm gay." "When you say things like that, you're talking about me."" "He was, I think, sort of building" "On what had happened when Shane came out." "Shane had come out to his mother," "And she basically filled in the blanks " ""oh, you're gay." "I knew that already." "I always knew that."" "I was sure that his mom knew that he was gay." "But she immediately called his dad to come home from work" "Because of this breaking news." "And she went on and on about how it was a sin" "And that tom should have told them sooner" "So he could have gotten medical help." "His dad said a lot of hateful things towards him" "And blamed Shane for making him gay." ""it's Shane's fault." "Shane turned you gay." "Being in l.A. Turned you gay."" ""all of your accomplishments so far mean nothing now."" "They said, "change your mind." "You have to change your mind."" "And tom said that he just kept saying no " "Like, you know, "I can't change my mind." "It's not a mind-change thing."" "Tom called me." "He told me that his dad pulled a shotgun on him." "And at that point, I was really scared." "So, while tom and I were on the phone," "His dad, Norman, literally ripped the door off the hinges." "And his mom got on the phone, and she said to me," ""listen here, fucker " "I don't know what you did to our son," "But we're gonna come to l.A., and we're gonna find you."" "I think the phrase his dad used was," "He was gonna come out to California and gut him." "I used to always have this fantasy" "Of tom and I going to Indiana for Christmas" "And just, you know, going to bed" "And waking up on Christmas morning," "All of us going out to the living room " "You know, there's the tree," "And tom and I just sitting there with his family," "Opening presents together," "And me just saying something that I think's funny," "And I look over, and tom's parents are laughing." "It's stupid, but it's just..." "It would be like an incredible thing" "If something like that happened." "When the police showed up at the house," "Tom's dad just kind of pooh-poohed it off, and he said," ""ah, you know how these California kids are."" "Those phone calls for those next two days," "Until tom got out of there, were just..." "My heart just broke for both of those boys." "It was just so scary and so sad." "So, that next morning," "Tom's parents were in the kitchen" "With a bible on the table." "Out loud, they were saying the verses," "Almost, in a way, just to justify" "That, the day before," "They beat up their son because he was gay." "He's like, "I can't believe this." ""I just got attacked and told" ""that I should have taken the fact that I'm gay" "To the grave."" "merry Christmas" "It was just an awful situation," "And tom, you know, got out of there as soon as he could" "And flew back to California." "to you" "So, eventually, Martha made her way out to California," "And I was really, really nervous." "This was like the first time that I was going to see Martha" "Since that, you know, horrible experience." "I think Martha came here" "Because she did not want to lose her son." "So she had to embrace Shane" "And act like she accepted the relationship." "It was a little awkward for awhile." "But, eventually, you know, we warmed up to each other." "We would go to dinner." "Tom and her would laugh, like, hysterically." "When they get together," "It's like two little, old ladies." "And although she didn't say, like, you know," ""Shane, I'm sorry," or, "tom, I'm sorry" "For how we handled everything,"" "To us, it was like this is her way" "Of showing that she's accepting us." "It wasn't that she loved her son -- she loved her son." "And whatever it took to be near him, she did." "If she had to push a plow," "She would, just to be near her son." "She has this picture where they went to Grumman theatre" "And saw Elvis' handprints." "She said that was the happiest day of her life." "I think she truly enjoyed coming out to California." "And then she would get back to indiana," "And, basically, wouldn't acknowledge tom's life here." "And, you know, again," "It was kind of like just baby steps." "Truly, after like a few times," "We felt like she was okay with us" "And she was happy for us." "She even insisted on tom and me taking the bedroom" "While she stayed on the sofa with our dog." "Justin." "I can't believe you." "Look at me." "How could you..." "Leave all alone?" "Okay, I miss you, and you just want to stay with her." "You're such a traitor." "Yeah." "You put that head down." "Tom was obsessed with his dog." "Tom was always, always taking pictures of him." "It was like someone with, like, a newborn baby." "He was actually found abandoned under a car in Hollywood." "Hi, napoleon." "How are you?" "He had a santa claus outfit," "And he had some other crazy outfit." "And I thought, "oh, my god." ""this is not gonna be two gay boys" "With their gay, little dog, is it?"" "And sure enough -- pretty quick, on Facebook," "Tom was taking pictures of Justin bobby" "In his little rain gear." "And I thought, "oh, my god." "You guys, come on." "You got to quit that." [ chuckles ]" "So..." "[ "you belong to me" plays ]" "Another dream that tom and I had," "Aside from wanting to be married and have a family," "Was we wanted to travel the world together." "And our goal was to hit all the wonders of the world." "And we managed to make it to four before tom died." "see the pyramids along the nile â™ª watch the sunrise on a tropic isle â™ª" "They enjoyed living." "When they traveled together, that's what would just amaze me," "Where they went to Egypt and to Peru and London and Paris." "The way tom and Shane were able to afford these trips" "Is they're, first of all, very frugal," "And not only did Shane work the job that he did for us," "Tom would work, you know, get extra jobs" "Doing commercials or whatever" "So they could travel to all these places." "And they didn't go first class." "They would travel like they were students." "The first trip I remember them taking" "Was to Egypt, down the nile." "But [chuckles] it wasn't the kind of trip" "That I would have gone on." "They slept on the deck" "With canvas dividers, covered in blankets," "And tom caught pneumonia," "But they had one heck of a good time." "just remember till you're home again â™ª you belong to me [ song ends ]" "Tom and I reached a point" "Where we were ready for him to come to Montana." "You know, I kept talking about how beautiful Montana is." "But for me, it was more about -- you know, I was just excited" "For him to finally meet my entire family." "My dad, all his life, was a logger." "I mean, he told gay jokes " "Not the type of person that you could sit down and be like," ""hey, your son's gay," and he would take it easily." "The first time I ever met tom," "I had just been to town," "And I had seen my daughter's car in the driveway." "So Shane and tom [chuckles] jumped in the closet to hide," "And then my dad walks in," "And they both jump out of the closet like, "surprise!"" "And here's my boy, and here's his partner." "And it worked -- they surprised me." "And we just thought" "It was funnier than hell that they did that," "Because it's like they came out of the closet at my dad's house." "Tom, he knew I was a macho-type guy," "And maybe that I was gonna have" "The macho-type conservatism that wouldn't accept him," "And you could just see he tried all the time around me." "And I appreciated that " "Him trying, him trying to be likable." "It was easy to like tom." "He was a great guy." "Tom was a pistol." "He was so much fun to be around." "I saw that he made Shane laugh." "It's the type of happiness you have" "When you meet your soul mate." "And that made all my worries just disappear." "So, tom and I went to Arizona to visit my grandparents." "Shane was so happy." "It was the happiest that I'd ever seen him," "Since he was a little kid on up." "And my great-grandma pat was there." "And no one told grandma pat that tom and I were a couple." "She was like, "oh, nice to meet you."" "And then, later, I heard her in the other room" "Ask my grandma Judy like, "so, who was that guy?"" "Well, I never knew Shane was gay," "But I met his partner, and he was a very nice guy," "And we all liked him and went along fine with it." "Tom was fascinated with grandma pat for a few reasons." "You know, every year, she keeps track" "Of how many snakes she kills." "Well, I'm always after a snake " "I don't want them around." "I mean, you killed up to how many in a spring " "Every spring?" "Oh, I killed up to 40 or better." "After tom and I went for a walk with both of my grandmas," "When we were coming back into the house," "Grandma pat like put her arm around tom." "She was like, "welcome to the family."" "She's 90 years old," "And, you know, she's accepting our relationship." "People that talk about them," "They don't understand a lot of it." "And they think that, if they go to church and everything," "That god will take care of it " "They can be just like all the rest of the guys." "And so you can't get through to them." "To tell you the truth, I'm tired of hearing about it " "So they're not Romeo and Juliet." "That's right -- they're Romeo and Romeo." "Get over it." "I did not like to show any public display of affection " "Whether it would be us on a plane flying somewhere," "And we wanted to be affectionate," "We would actually take a coat or a blanket" "And cover our arms and like hold hands under the blanket." "I think that Shane was very conscious" "Of where they were" "And not making other people uncomfortable." "I never really wanted" "To say, "I love you" in front of friends or anyone." "So we developed this little code " "Whether we're at like a dinner or a party," "One of us would find a way just to tap the table three times" "Just to say, "I love you."" "So, that became a very special sound for both of us." "Tom was just so passionate, and he was so affectionate" "That it sort of brought Shane out of his shell a little bit," "As far as, you know, being out in public" "And not being ashamed or embarrassed" "That, you know, "yeah, this is my partner, and we're gay."" "So what?" "Once, we were in Paris," "And we were in front of the Eiffel Tower," "I just decided like, "screw it " "I'm just gonna sneak in a kiss," and I did." "Tom's face -- he was just like, "like, what just happened?"" "He was so excited." "But then the first thing we did after the kiss," "We like looked around, like, "did anyone see us?"" "But I'm so happy that I did that 'cause he was just thrilled." "Tom wanted to marry Shane, but he wanted it to be legal." "He wasn't gonna settle for a technicality," "Or an, "oh, it happens to be legal right this minute," "But tomorrow it could not be."" "He was the kind of man that just stood up for things," "And I think part of it" "Was like he wanted to show everyone back home that," ""I'm serious." "This is me."" "He bought me a ring for Christmas," "And we had agreed to not spend any money on each other." "He would tell me, he'd be like, "but Shane's gonna get mad," "Because we have a budget," ""but I just want to get it for him so bad."" "And I opened it, and it was a ring" "With a note in it that said," ""2011 will change our lives forever." "Love, tom."" "I had the image of their wedding played out in my head." "I knew it was gonna happen someday." "There was no question that they wanted to spend" "The rest of their lives together and have a family." "That was something he wanted so bad." "He used to say," ""you know, I'd love to have a little thomas running around."" "And I guess one of the saddest parts," "When I really think about Shane and tom," "Is the fact that, essentially," "They were living the American dream," "With the exception of being able to get married to each other." "Well, everyone, like, brings up domestic partnership," "And it angers me in a way," "Because no little girl is sitting in her room" "And saying that," ""I can't wait to have a domestic partnership." ""I can't wait to wear a white dress" "During my domestic partnership."" "That's not something that people dream about." "They dream about getting married." "And they weren't allowed to do that." "And if it is ever legal," "They'll never be able to experience it," "Because he's not here anymore." "I was lucky to see tom the Wednesday before he died." "getting closer to the edge if I fall, will someone catch me?" "â™ª" "And we talked about, you know, Shane," "And he said, "I learned what love really is." "I used to have this idea in my head when I was young," "And being with Shane, I've learned" "What it really looks like on a daily basis," "And it's so much more than I ever thought possible." "That's what the song's called -- "if I fall."" "even if I fall" "[ chuckles ] thank you for that." "Thank you for that." "You're very welcome." "All right." "So, there you go." ""if I fall" -- are we agreeing" "That's what we're gonna call the song?" "All right." "The thing that haunts me now is we had a fight that morning." "Originally, we were supposed to hang out with our friend Alex" "And go take photographs together." "And after our little argument," "I decided that I would just stay home." "Tom and I decided to meet at the studio." "And we kept going back and forth." "And he was like, "let's go to your place." ""I just remember the sunlight in the kitchen." "I need some of that sunlight now."" "And I was like, "okay."" "He was like, "no, "I want to do something good for you." "Let's do a photo shoot." "It'll turn this day around."" "So, I had just started dating this man," "And it was his birthday, and I wasn't with him," "So tom was like, "I want to make him jealous," "So let's put pictures of you on facebook."" "And he was the one that was like, "let's do it." "Let's do it." [ chuckles ]" ""hey, can I do your hair?"" "I was like, "um, okay."" "And I have, you know, my brassiere filled with socks, 'cause, you know, there's just not much there." "So, tom and I were texting throughout the day." "And we eventually made up." "It wasn't even a discussion" "Whether or not to go to the roof," "Because we always went to the roof." "And we told each other that we love each other." "And I'm so thankful that we did 'cause I have that forever now." "And so, by the time we get up to the roof," "Tom has his camera." "He's all ready." "We'd all been up there like 50 times," "And every time, I'm just paranoid." "'cause it's not like a tall wall." "It's a short wall." "He was just playing around with the camera," "And, meanwhile, I know that he had just been texting to Shane." "I told him to stay away from the edge, 'cause we all know that he's a klutz." "And he even wrote back." "He was like, "ha-ha!" "I will --" like, I was joking." "And I said, "tom, I'm serious." "Like, stay away from the edge."" "So, he takes a bunch of pictures." "I'm trying to be as slutty " "You know, not sexy, 'cause it wasn't sexy." "I'm in one corner, and then we suddenly switch." "And he's like, "[gasps] I've got it!" "I've got it!"" "So, he takes like three or four steps back." "[ camera shutter clicks, camera whirring ]" "I don't think it registered that he was gonna fall." "He was like, "ha-ha!" and I was like, "ohh."" "You know, and I looked at him," "And it was like we both thought, "oh, no." "Shane's gonna be so mad."" "You know, just like if he knew that we were that close." "And then, after that, it was a nightmare." "I didn't even go look over the edge." "I just, like, threw my shoes on, ran downstairs." "I had my phone in my back pocket," "And I dialed 911, but I couldn't hear." "So I just gave it to somebody out in the hallway, 'cause people heard him." "I received a text from Alex to tell me that tom had fallen." "And I thought it was a joke -- "there's no way this is real."" "So I texted her back, and I said, "that's not funny."" "And then I didn't hear back from her." "And so then I called tom's phone," "And no one picked up." "So at that moment is when my heart just started racing." "By the time I got there, he's on, you know, his stomach." "And I'm rubbing his back." "And I'm saying, "it's okay, tommy." "It's okay, tommy."" "Meanwhile, I look like a total hooker." "[ chuckles ]" "But it takes forever for the ambulance to get there " "I want to say 25 minutes later." "They were like, "do you have his I.D.?" "Do you have his I.D.?"" "And I was like, "what the fuck does it matter?" "!" "Just get him on the ambulance!"" "So, I got to the e.R.," "And they took me into a room where Alex was," "And she was hysterical." "And when I first saw Shane, I said, "I wish it were me."" "[ sniffles ]" "I said, "because you two have each other," ""and the love you have is so strong," "I wish it had been me who fell over."" "[ sniffles ]" "I asked her, you know, "well, what's happening?" "Are they working on him?" I didn't know anything." "And she didn't know anything." "We hugged, you know, and we said we loved each other." "And I was still hanging on to hope that he was okay." "I tried calling Shane," "And I couldn't get through to him." "And, finally, he calls me back." "He said, "mom, tom was doing a photo shoot," "And he fell off the roof."" "And I just -- "oh, my god."" "I said, "honey, just keep on praying." "He'll be fine." "You know, we'll get the prayers going here."" "I got a text message from Shane saying," ""Michaela, please pray -- tom's hurt."" "And I immediately got down and started praying." "So, a little bit later, he calls me," "And he says, "mom, they won't let me in to see him."" "And I said, "well, how come?"" "And they said, "because I'm not family."" "And I just -- "oh, my god, Shane."" "So, I called tom's mom." "And it's, you know, late at night in Indiana." "And, you know, the first thing she says was," ""well, how much was he drinking, Shane?"" "And then his dad, in the background, was saying," ""well, what the hell was he doing on the roof?"" "From that point forward, I made sure" "To let the nursing staff or the doctors" "Speak to her and to him." "And it had been probably about an hour later," "The doctor came into the room, [voice breaking] and, like, I just knew." "[ somber piano music plays ]" "Like, I knew what he was gonna say." "And when he was talking," "Like, it wasn't registering in my head." "Like, I wasn't processing what he said." "He just said he didn't make it." "And it was very, you know..." "And we all just lost it." "I had to just leave the room because I couldn't hear it." "Alex was crying, and she was continually doing this " "I think because she was just so traumatized." "And Alex's mom was saying, "oh, my god." "Oh, my god."" "And sometimes she would say, "oh, his mother."" "'cause mother's day was the next day." "So, I went outside." "I called my mom, and..." "And I was like, "mom, he died."" "[ inhales sharply ]" "And, you know, she just said, "I'm so sorry, Shane." "I'm so sorry."" "And he was just crying, and I'm crying." "And, you know, here you are, again, 1,500 miles away," "And you can't be there for your child." "I got ahold of him," "And tom had just died in the hospital, and..." "I don't know." "It's not a moment I want to ever go through again." "The worst pain I have ever felt in my heart." "Like, I just sunk." "I just said, "are you fucking kidding me?" "Seriously?" I said, "seriously, who dies like that?"" "I figured Shane was probably there when he passed," "By his bed, holding his hand." "And he said no." "So, I went to the nurse's station, and I said," ""you know, my friend's boyfriend is here." "He just passed away." "Can you take him back?"" "And she said, "we can't allow non-family members to see him" "Until his parents arrive."" "So I kept trying to argue with this nurse." "And the lady was like, "I understand, honey " " I do." ""but it's against the hospital rules." "He's not his family." I said, "but he is his family." ""they have a house together." "They have a business together." ""they have a [chuckles] dog together." "They've been together for six years."" "Finally, we were sitting a the room," "And this one nurse opened the door," "And she said, "is Shane in here?"" "And so we went outside," "And she was holding tom's license," "And she said, "man, he was a good-looking guy." "Geez." ""and all the nurses back here are talking" ""about how handsome he was," ""and we've been working back here to try to kind of..." ""make him look the way that you remember him." "Come with me." "We're gonna take you back."" "I think, at the end of the day, the nurses knew," "You know, it's not a gay thing." "It's not a straight thing." "It's a human thing." "But it was definitely a gift, I think," "That those women gave to Shane." "So, they walked back to his room." "There was tubes all over his body," "Tubes coming out of his chest." "His face was covered, but you could see that" "There, you know, had been blood, like, all around his face." "And it didn't really seem like this was happening." "I just stood there for awhile." "I didn't know what to do." "But the only place that I could put my hand" "Was like on his leg." "And I did, you know, one final "tap, tap, tap."" "[ slow piano music plays ]" "oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh" "I woke up this morning and I heard the news" "I know the pain of a heartbreak â™ª" "I don't have answers and neither do you" "I know the pain of a heartbreak â™ª this isn't easy this isn't clear" "and you don't need Jesus till you're here oh, the confusion and the doubts you had â™ª up and walk away they walk awa-a-a-y" "when a heart breaks" "when a heart breaks" " A man fell to his death" "From a four-story apartment building" "In los feliz last night." "Police say he was taking pictures of a woman." "They don't suspect foul play," "And are calling his death a tragic accident." "He was an actor and tv host." "The days after tom passed away are kind of a blur." "There was nothing I wanted more" "Than just to have my family there with me." "And so it really meant a lot" "That my parents, although they're divorced," "That they were able to just say," ""look, like, we're gonna be there for you."" "And my sisters were going to, as well." "[ sniffles ]" "My dad and I," "We went to go pick up tom's car at Alex's place." "And during the car ride home," "We talked about me being gay for the first time." "I wanted him to know," "Even though I had never said anything since he'd come out," "That I fully accepted him." "I think we even talked about how tom's dad must feel," "Because tom's dad never accepted tom," "And I wanted it be known that I accepted my son." "For the first time ever," "I didn't care about telling my dad that I was gay." "I didn't care about acknowledging" "That tom and I were in a relationship." "I just felt, like, fearless." "But it didn't matter anymore." "And tom was gone." "So, I picked Martha up from the airport," "And we went to our house." "She wanted to talk about bank accounts " "All these things that I did not want to talk about." "I remember her looking around the rooms a lot." "And I didn't really want to think that way." "I had the feeling" "That she just wanted to go through his stuff." "She wanted to go through all of Shane and tom's clothes." "He let her go through all the drawers." "She tried to take the computers that were Shane and tom's." "It was just like Shane didn't exist anymore." "Shane was more than willing to work with her," "Give her anything she wanted of tom's," "But it started to invade his privacy," "And he wouldn't say anything." "Martha would make a comment about something," "And Shane would just stuff the emotions away," "Like back when kids would call him names." "I couldn't say anything, anyway." "I had no legal right to stop her." "So, tom's mom was waiting, along with us," "For the coroner to release his body." "Due to the circumstances of the accident," "They had to do an autopsy." "We started talking about the funeral." "And she said that, no, we're all invited." "We could stay at their house." "You know, "come as a family." "We'll just do all this together."" "She was very, you know, "I'm taking my baby home." "You guys are all coming with." "I want you to be there."" "And then, as the days go on," "She pretty much quit talking about the funeral" "And about us all going" "And sharing tom with everybody back east." "Tom's mom was in the other room or even sometimes" "Right next to me making the funeral arrangements" "And planning it all out, and I was not a part of it." "It was like I wasn't there." "It was like I was a ghost." "She was a mother who'd just lost her son " "Her 20-something-year-old son " "So there were no expectations other than grief." "But I didn't think that she was gonna hurt Shane." "I thought that she loved Shane." "The feeling I got was something was awry," "But nobody could put their [chuckles] finger on it." "And then, that Thursday morning," "Martha was like, "I got to go."" "And Shane's like, "I'll drive you to the airport."" "She's like, "no, I'll get a taxi."" "I told her, "I'm not gonna let you take a taxi."" "I kind of had a feeling" "That she knew something that I didn't know," "That she knew that his body was gonna be released any moment." "She was packing" "All tom's clothes up that she was gonna bury him in," "And the jacket that she wanted to put him in" "Was not fitting in the suitcase." "And Shane's like, "it's okay, Martha." "I'll just bring it." and she was like, "no." "Absolutely not."" "So, maybe looking back now," "It could have been foreshadowing what could have happened," "That she knew then" "That she wasn't gonna let Shane come to the funeral." "And I dropped her off, and we hugged." "And I asked her to please keep me updated" "So I know what's happening," "And she promised me that she would." "But I never heard from her again." "She was so grateful and so loving towards us" "For everything that we did for her son." "She just was crying and hugging us and holding on to us" "And, "I want to be a part of your life." "I want to come visit."" "It was like we were bonded with her." "And then, the next day, she was gone." "I talked to tom's mom the day after he died." "And she said, "I'll let you know" "As soon as I know when the funeral is gonna be" "So that you can be there."" "Then, it was pretty much radio silence." "They never called me back to tell me when it was," "And I was very hurt." "I see the notice in the newspaper " "Wake is this day." "Funeral is the next day." "I called tom's house to verify," "And, you know, the relative who answered just said," ""if that's what the paper says," "Then I would probably go by that."" "And I personally called back" "To different mortuaries in his hometown" "To try to get information," "And nobody would give us any information." "So, although I never heard from Martha," "My mom and Alex and I, we all booked our plane tickets." "During our layover," "I received a phone call from one of tom's relatives." "And she wanted to let me know" "That I wasn't welcome to attend his funeral," "Because, if I do show up," "His uncle and his father had planned an attack." "And she wanted me to know" "That it's for my own safety that I don't go." "All I could think of -- "are they gonna shoot him?" "Are they gonna kill my son?"" "When we got into Indiana," "One of tom's best friends picked us up." "And Alex was hysterical." "And the closer we got to Knox, the more hysterical she got." "And she was saying, "I lost tom." "I don't want to lose you, also."" "I was terrified" "That they were gonna come and pull out a gun on Shane." "I remember him saying more than once," ""you know, they're in a lot of pain." "It's not just me that's going through this,"" "And almost arguing for them, which was maddening." "I mean, I'd be angry " ""you're not gonna do this to me."" "Nope." "He didn't respond that way." "We had a secret location to come up with a plan about," "You know, just kind of staying out of their way." "And even though I couldn't be in the church," "Like, I still wanted to be as close as I could to tom." "You know, just being near was somehow comforting." "Once I realized" "That Shane had been banned from attending the funeral," "I realized that's why" "They weren't telling anybody when things were." "They basically were keeping all the information close-hold" "So that Shane couldn't get there." "in the blink of an eye everything has changed" "There were probably 800 people there." "Half of them were there to support tom," "And the other half were there to support Martha." "if I could have one more day â™ª" "I'd spend it all with you" "The casket was in the middle." "And it was draped with a culver blanket" "And all of his culver accomplishments," "And his mom was wearing his culver ring." "I think it was very reflective of the family" "And how they viewed tom, and not the tom that I knew." "When I got up to Martha," "All I could think in my head was," ""I have to kiss the casket for Shane."" "And I made my way over to the casket, and I kissed it," "And I whispered, you know, "Shane loves you."" "The funeral depicted tom" "Up until the point where he left for California, basically." "And the speakers were all from tom's childhood." "You know, it was his piano teacher" "And people from culver." "I took the flowers" "From the bouquet that the class of 2000 sent," "And I dried them so I could give those to Shane." "And I saved him a program" "Because, you know, he is the love of tom's life." "He at least deserves that." "Unfortunately, he wasn't mentioned in it." "Families, for literally 30 years," "Can sweep that secret under the rug until someone dies," "And then you have to really face the music." "And I think that's what happened to tom's parents." "They had this great child." "He was smart and talented -- lots of positive things." "But the one positive thing" "That they didn't want to brag to their friends about" "Is that tom had an amazing partner, 'cause they were ashamed." "And so what they did" "Is they literally erased it from the history books" "By shutting down his Facebook page," "By disinviting Shane to the funeral," "To not even mentioning him there," "Which is the most insulting thing" "Anyone could ever do to a person's memory." "They're not fighting against gay marriage." "They're not fighting against having a gay son." "What they're fighting against is love," "And who fights against love?" "[ somber piano music plays ]" "When we came back, we decided" "To have our own memorial to celebrate who tom was." "today, you left me" "Shane included pictures of his family" "Even though they hadn't reciprocated." "Shane had pictures there" "With tom's mom and dad and brother and sister." "He brought people from Vassar, brought people from culver," "And his friends in California." "Everybody was there." "[ voice breaking ] even though a lot of us," "Maybe we weren't super close and barely know each other," "Somehow that same guy was all of our best friend." "young, beautiful boy" "I wrote "beautiful boy"" "And the line about tom making his way up to the golden doors" "As an answer" "To the fundamentalist christians out there" "Who may believe that gay people won't go to heaven." "And to that, I would say, "really?" ""tom, the choir-singing, trophy-winning, all-american boy" ""who listed god as his hero on his myspace page," "Really in hell?"" "I don't think so." "If tom didn't go to heaven, then nobody's going to heaven." "remembering..." "If you believe in angels," "Tom was as close to that as would ever come in a human form." "He had no darkness in him whatsoever." "He was the ueber-positive one." "So, everybody was really nervous" "About how Shane was gonna be," "You know, post this horrible, traumatic loss." "I stayed with Shane after tom passed away for a month." "I told Shane, "I'll stay here as long as you need me,"" "But getting on that plane" "Was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life." "You know, you don't want to leave him, 'cause he was fragile." "something always brings me back to you â™ª" "Hey, tom." "Um..." "no matter what I say or do -..." "Is this happening?" "I'll still feel you here..." "[ voice breaking ] is this really happening?" "[ sniffles ]" "To all those people that, um, say that gay people are..." "here I am -[ sniffles ] ...Unable to love," "Can I ask every single husband and wife..." "...'cause I'm fragile" "..." "That is in love..." "when I thought that I was strong â™ª" "..." "To just... [ sniffles ] ...To just feel what I'm feeling," "Even -- even for 10 minutes." "And, um [sniffles]" "But, really, I " "I don't wish this upon anybody." "I don't." "[ crying ] I finally bought you your ring." "I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper â™ª" "I'm sorry that I didn't..." "like a skyscraper -..." "I didn't get you one sooner." "I put "tap, tap, tap" inside." "Um..." "skies are crying you can take everything I have â™ª you can break everything I am â™ª" "One thing that I'm thinking about" "Is, like, well, you know," "What would have our relationship been like" "If we wouldn't have had to have hid it from the beginning," "And would I have been able to just [sniffles]" "Be more affectionate and just give you more love?" "If who we are" "And how we, you know, loved each other is a sin" "In that we have to live," "You know, eternity suffering because of this," "I don't think god would purposely" "Set us up to live a life" "Of just constantly fighting the urge to be who we are," "And I really don't want to believe that." "happy birthday to you" "You know, there's a part of me that thinks" "Maybe I should I tell someone or maybe I should show someone," "You know, how I'm really feeling" "Instead of just telling everyone I'm okay." "And I'm not okay." "[ laughter ] -happy birthday to you" "It's sad that it took losing you" "To see what's really important in life." "All that really counts is just loving as much as we can" "And not, you know, being afraid to be loved." "[ normal voice ] before, I was not eating enough," "And then now all I want to do is eat everything " "Fat stuff, ice cream, pancakes..." "Red vines." "Today I'm going on a plane to see the Taj mahal," "The great monument to love, which was next on our list." "presents are covered in ribbons and laces â™ª [ indistinct conversations ]" "Going to the taj mahal on Christmas, Christmas day" "Is a pretty cool thing, so..." "Merry Christmas." "togetherness lives on this holiday night â™ª" "[ voice breaking ] I just wish that all of us humans understood" "That we're all the same." "Everyone in the world, all different types of people," "All different religions." "We all just want to be happy." "We all just want to be loved." "So, thank you, tom." "Thank you for loving me." "Thank you for giving me the last years of your life." "I feel like that's my responsibility," "Like, my duty now, to live life like you did." "[ normal voice ] a few months later," "I went back to Indiana." "I felt like I just needed" "To see tom's grave one more time." "I still can't believe" "How much has happened since that first Christmas." "When we were each getting on a plane, heading home," "And we finally told each other how we felt." "[ piano music plays ]" "When I got to the cemetery, I was surprised to see" "That tom's parents had bought him a monument" "With a place for themselves, not next to each other," "But on either side of their son," "As though they're still trying" "To keep him from something or someone." "It's just -- it's hard to believe" "That even now tom is still being denied" "The promise of his own name." "It really does feel like" "He's standing in for all of us now." "I mean, like, for all gay people" "Who dream of getting married some day." "I guess I'll never understand" "Why the ones who are supposed to love him the most" "Fight the hardest to keep him from being who he was." "Maybe the greatest thing about tom" "Is how much he loved them anyway." "I just remember standing there and thinking" "That if there's one thing that I could say to his parents," "Here's what it would be " ""this is not the monument to your son." "He was the monument to you."" "[ Macklemore with Ryan lewis, featuring Mary lambert's" ""same love" plays ]" "[ rapping ] when I was in the third grade â™ª" "I thought that I was gay 'cause I could draw, my uncle was â™ª and I kept my room straight" "I told my mom, tears rushing down my face â™ª she's like "ben, you've loved girls since before pre-k" â™ª trippin' yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she?" "â™ª bunch of stereotypes all in my head â™ª" "I remember doing the math like â™ª" ""yeah, I'm good at little league" â™ª a preconceived idea of what it all meant â™ª for those that liked the same sex â™ª had the characteristics the right-wing conservatives think it's a decision â™ª" "and you can be cured with some treatment and religion â™ª man-made rewiring of a predisposition â™ª playing god aw, naw, here we go" "America the brave still fears what we don't know â™ª and god loves all his children is somehow forgotten â™ª but we paraphrase a book written 3,500 years ago â™ª" "I don't know" "and I can't change even if I tried even if I wanted to and I can't change even if I tried even if I wanted to my love, my love, my love she keeps me warm" "she keeps me warm she keeps me warm she keeps me warm" "[ rapping ] if I was gay" "I would think hip-hop hates me â™ª have you read the youtube comments lately?" "â™ª" ""man, that's gay" gets dropped on the daily â™ª we become so numb to what we're saying â™ª a culture founded from oppression â™ª yet we don't have acceptance for 'em â™ª" "call each other faggots behind the keys of a message board â™ª a word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it â™ª gay is synonymous with the lesser â™ª it's the same hate" "that's caused wars from religion â™ª gender to skin color the complexion of your pigment â™ª the same fight that led people â™ª to walk-outs and sit-ins it's human rights for everybody â™ª" "there is no difference live on, and be yourself when I was at church, they taught me something else â™ª if you preach hate at the service â™ª those words aren't anointed that holy water" "that you soak in has been poisoned â™ª when everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless â™ª rather than fighting for humans â™ª that have had their rights stolen â™ª" "I might not be the same, but that's not important â™ª no freedom till we're equal damn right, I support it" "I don't know" "love is patient love is kind love is patient love is kind" "not crying on Sunday [ fun.'s "carry on" plays ]" "well, I woke up to the sound of silence â™ª the cries were cutting like knives in a fist fight â™ª" "and I found you with a bottle of wine â™ª your head in the curtains and heart like the fourth of July â™ª" "you swore and said, "we are not â™ª we are not shining stars"" "this I know" "I never said we are though I've never been through hell like that â™ª" "I've closed enough windows to know â™ª you can never look back" "if you're lost and alone or you're sinking like a stone â™ª carry on" "may your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground carry on carry on, carry on" "An article came out in the paper," "And then we had it on our news channels," "And it was hard for several of my family members" "To see my son on there with his gay partner." "It didn't bother me, but it bothered a lot of people." "I ignore it." "[ chuckles ] 'cause I'm proud of what Shane's doing," "And because I'll always be grateful for tom" "And what he gave to my son." "Many times he said, you know," ""my life is not worth living without tom."" "He's risen like a phoenix from the ashes." "Shane, the guy who was afraid of coming out" "And accepting who he was," "And now he's in front of the parade" "With rainbow flags behind him." "He made something positive out of it," "Which is always tom's motto." "Shane gave discrimination against gays" "A beautiful, unforgettable face," "And that face is tom." "my head is on fire but my legs are fine after all, they are mine lay your clothes down on the floor â™ª close the door hold the phones show me how no one's ever gonna stop us tonight â™ª" "[ guitar solo ]" "'cause here we are we are shining stars we are invincible we are who we are on our darkest day when we're miles away â™ª sun will come, we will find our way home â™ª" "if you're lost and alone or you're sinking like a stone â™ª" "carry on" "may your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground" "carry on oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh-oh-oh oh, oh, oh, oh" "oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh-oh-oh oh, oh, oh, oh" "no one's ever gonna stop us tonight â™ª" "[ echoing ] no one's ever gonna stop us tonight â™ª no one's ever no one's ever gonna stop no one's ever gonna stop no one's ever gonna stop us tonight â™ª" "[ Adam lambert's "outlaws of love" plays ]" "hey tears all fall the same we all feel the rain we can't change" "everywhere we go we're looking' for the sun nowhere to grow old we're always on the run they say we'll rot in hell but I don't think we will they've branded us enough outlaws of love" "scars make us who we are hearts and homes are broken â™ª broken far we could go so far with our minds wide open open hey tears all fall the same we all feel the rain we can't change" "everywhere we go we're looking' for the sun nowhere to grow old we're always on the run they say we'll rot in hell but I don't think we will they've branded us enough outlaws of love" "outlaws of love outlaws of love outlaws of love outlaws of love" "[ knocks three times ]"