"(Theme Music Playing)" "SELINA:" "Jesus Beverly Christ, I'm starving." " Do you want a juice box?" " Where was that an hour ago?" " Ma'am." " What?" "We have a lead on a site for your library." "Eastern Shore of Maryland." "If it was any more Kennedy-esque, it would drive you into the ocean." "Eastern Shore, very classy." "Fittingly, I lost my back-virginity in Assateague." "I once lost my wallet in Denver." "We need a down payment of five mil." " Yeah." " Ma'am, Tanz at 2:00." "Where?" "No, Ma'am, you have a meeting with Tanz at 2:00." " Oh, thank you very much, Richard." " Absolutely." " (Reporters Clamoring)" " President Meyer!" "President Meyer!" "Can we get a few words about the late Justice Tenny?" "Absolutely." "He was a friend to all people, especially corporations, who he legally considered to be people." " Thank you." " Madam President, any idea who President Montez is considering for the open Supreme Court seat?" "No, no, no, no, no, there is absolutely no validity to the rumor that the president is being considered for the seat." " Do you mean President Meyer?" " Is that even a rumor?" "At this point, that's all we can say." " Bye." " Ma'am!" "(Reporters Clamoring)" " What in the holy fuck was that, Mike?" " I'm so sorry, Ma'am." "I just habitually deny everything these days." "It gets me in trouble with Wendy, too." "The other day, I flushed a comb down the toilet." "You know what I don't need is examples." "I do wanna hear the end of that, though." "No, no, there's absolutely no validity to this rumor..." "Well, if you like, Jane, I can float your name out there for you." "You think I'd make a good judge?" "You do like throwing books at people." "When we return, more of that signature Danny Egan wit." "Plus, reading... could it be bad for your child's self-esteem?" "Why one Texas housewife wants to phase it out." " And we are clear." " That was funny." "Not too far?" "No, no, I said it was funny, I meant it was funny." " Keep it up." " Okay, here we go." "I thought my charm campaign was turning into a bit of a death march, but I think I breached her defenses." "JANE:" "Stevie, when we throw to commercial," "I want a full fucking beaver shot with the legs." "Otherwise, what is the point?" "Sorry, Jane." "Beave and legs, got it." "I don't see that much of a difference." "I mean, she pretty much likes everyone." "I need her to like me." "Can we go easy on the bronzer, please?" "I'm starting to look like a diversity hire here." "I mean, Jane calls the shots, and I wanna be taken seriously." " I get ya." " If I wanted people to think that I actually still cared about them," "I would've stayed in fucking politics." "Here are the notes on the kid chefs." "I'd be careful." "A couple of them have colds." "SELINA:" "I'm sweating my balls off here." "Is the air conditioning even on?" " I'm gonna check." " Look what time it is, Ma'am." " What time?" " Memoir time." " Oh, God." " Last time, you weren't comfortable just talking, so I made a list of questions." " Oh, okay, fine." " First one..." " as a female, do you feel that..." " Pass!" " Ma'am, Sherman Tanz is here." " SELINA:" "Oh, my God." " All right, get out of here, Mike." " Great session." " Sherman!" " Madam Pardoner." "Don't mention it." "Ever." "(Both Laugh)" " Come in, take a seat." " Thanks." "So, we have something to toast because we found property for my library." "Oh, wonderful!" "You know, I'm on the board at the Nixon Library." " Oh, good for you." " The miserable anti-Semite," " but a great friend of Israel." " Yes, yes." "So, how much do you need?" "Do you know, by the way, that my father was an associate of Bebe Rebozo's?" "Uh-huh, you're stalling." "It must be a big number." " (Chuckles) No, I don't want it." " You have back trouble?" "You know what helps?" "Bananas." " Oh, is that so?" " The potassium." "Oh, of course, yeah." "That makes sense." "It's a little ache." "It's nothing." " If you're not using that..." " Oh, absolutely!" " I never turn down a warm compress." " Then take it." "Let's give Mr. Tanz a compress." " Sir, of course." " Okay, good." " What, no massage?" " (Chuckles)" " Gary, massage him." " Mm-mm." "Mm-hmm." "I believe you were about to mention a number." " Yes." " Ooh." "Ah." " Just go deep." "Just go deep for him, yes." " (Sherman Groaning)" "I was thinking in the ballpark of maybe five million." " That's a big ballpark." " Mm-hmm." "Thank you." "But I think five million is swingable." "Oh, bless your heart and your deep pockets, Sherman." "Now, listen, if there's anything" " that I can ever do... okay, there we go." " Actually," "Madam President, because of the actions of misguided reformers, our prison system is in grave danger of dropping below 135% occupancy." "Well, I think that I'm partially to blame for that because I let you out of one." "Montez is pushing hard to put an end to for-profit prisons and privatization." " It's madness!" " It's insane." "I wanna find somebody to make sure it does not happen." "Mm-hmm." "Somebody from the Hill, preferably high up." "Yeah, we can find you a man or a woman, but it'll probably be a man if you wanna get anything done." " Hang on a second." "Richard?" " AMY:" "Yes, Ma'am?" "Right, I want you to get in touch with Ed McPherson on Judiciary 'cause he's building an infinity pool." " On it." "Too late." " okay dokey." "Madam President, don't let me take any more of your time." " It's always a pleasure." " It's always a tonic for me to see you." " Keep your chin up." " Thank you." " What's happening?" " Oh, my God." " What's this?" " My back." " (Door Closes)" " Okay, get me a clean compress now, please." " Ma'am, you're not gonna believe this." " What?" "CNN just came out with their speculative list of nominees for the open Supreme Court seat..." " Yeah." " and they have you as a long shot's long shot." " You have gotta be kidding me." " You're welcome." "Gary, put CNN on right now." "Thanks for nothing, Mike." "God damn it, you guys, I am so hot." "Oh." "My tits feel like these Hot Pockets." "Do we have any Hot Pockets?" "Well, Ma'am, have you seen the doctor lately?" " Because maybe it's meno..." " Hey, don't fucking say that, okay?" "It's not that." "Seriously, that is like a sexist-beyond-sexist reaction." "I'm just tired, I'm uncomfortable," "Mike's hair reminds me of graham cracker crumbs." "I can't get any air in here because all you people are in here sucking it." "Get out." "All of you, out!" "We'll hit the book later." " Gary, where are you going?" " Nowhere." "I'm not, I'm not." "Good news is without the tampons, it's gonna free up some space in my bag." "Where are you gonna put yours?" "(Laughing)" " I'm serious." " Okay." "Well, I do understand that, Senator, but I know Sherman Tanz, perhaps in a way that you don't know Sherman Tanz." " Excuse me." " Oh, my God." "I pardoned "Typhoid Moishe."" "Richard!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "It's all right, Ma'am." "How's your temperature been?" " It's hot flashy." " It's totally normal." "Ma'am, I tried everyone on the Finance Committee..." " Yeah?" " and they all said no." "All of them?" "!" "They all said no very fast." "You have to check this out." "This is insane." "What is it?" "Do you actually think former president Selina Meyer could be a good choice?" "Reaching across the aisle..." "DOCTOR:" "I'm gonna need normal breaths, please." "I am breathing normally." "Well, Meyer certainly would be a super left field choice..." "Super left field?" "I mean, is that even a position?" "Mm-hmm, that was my position in Little League." " I was a pitcher's helper." " Aw." " This is insane, isn't it?" " I know!" "It's fucking absurd!" "Well, you don't have to agree with me that strongly." "Don't you guys have something to do for Tanz?" "And if you don't find anyone in the Senate, lift up the sewer grate to the House." " Madam President." " What?" "Oh." "Okay." "It's menopause?" "Just get it over with." "Write me a prescription for Eileen Fisher and Fosamax and lube." "It's a common mistake among women with the sweating and back pain at your age." "Careful." "Could you please just go and pack everything up for me in that other room?" " Go." " Bye, Gary." "Whew, oh, boy." "I suspect that this may be myocardial ischemia." "It's a lack of oxygen to the heart muscle." "It's usually caused by a partial arterial blockage." "What, I'm so sor... what?" " What are you telling me?" " I think you had a small heart attack." " A heart attack?" " Yes, Ma'am." "So, I'm not menopausal?" "Well, no, but this is far more serious." "(Laughing) Well, hand me a cracker and spread it up with" ""I Can't Believe It's Not Menopause."" " We need to get you to a hospital." " You wanna knock me up, Doc?" " Just 'cause I can do it." " Ma'am, time is of the essence here." "It's just a heart attack!" "Gary!" "Gar..." " Oh, Jesus." " What is that?" "CATHERINE:" "Maybe my uterus is just wonky." "No, Catherine." "It's porcelain and perfect." "Aw." "(Chuckles)" "You know what I like about you two?" " It's not clear who's the top." " I am." "Oh, yeah." "Maybe we're just doing this wrong." "I mean, all these tubes and jars." "It just... it doesn't feel organic." "Well, we could streamline the process." "You could have direct sexual intercourse with the donor." " Really?" " That's interesting." "I mean, I guess if you think that that would work." "I'm..." "I'm willing to try anything." "Why don't we just puppy pile, okay?" "Then we'll all get a bite to eat afterwards, you know." "See a movie or something." "You know, we'll make it nice." " It could be interesting." " DANNY:" "Yeah." " (Knocks, Door Opens)" " He does have very delicate features." " Thank you." " Mr. Egan?" " Yes, hi." " Is it okay with you to discuss the results altogether or would you..." "Sure, whatever." "I'm just the cream filling in this gay-claire." "Well, your sperm count looks normal, but the motility is abnormally low, which means..." "I'm sorry to say... it may be virtually impossible for you to conceive." " Seriously?" " I'm so sorry, Dan." "So, I've been pulling out this entire time for nothing?" "Well, that has nothing..." "Oh, I am gonna save a fortune in morning-after pills." "There are, like, three girls that owe me an abortion refund." "Ladies, I am Danny Egan," " and I will see you in the tomorrow." " (Phone Buzzes)" "Doctor, can you give us a minute?" "Certainly." "Marjorie, I really think..." "Your mother had a heart attack in DC." "(Laughs)" "Oh, my God, I can't believe I just did that." "Um, uh, so we should go to Washington probably, I guess." "I guess." "(Gary Groaning)" " Did I die?" " Here we go again." " Is this heaven?" " Yeah, he keeps waking up and asking that." "You had a heart attack, Gary." "For the third freaking time." " Oh, Jesus." " NURSE:" "Madam President?" " Yes?" " You should really lie down." " Oh, I, you know..." " What happened?" "What happened?" "You had a heart attack, too?" "No, I had a heart episode and they're just gonna pop a stent in there just for fun, and it's..." " Here you go." " Thank you so much." "Can we get something for Mr. Walsh, please?" "Because he's the one who's really ailing and at death's door." " I'm..." "I am?" "I'm at death's door?" " Yes, Madam President." "Oh, I'm at death's door?" " Listen, if I don't make it..." " Gary, you're gonna be fine." " You have plenty to live for, too." " (Whimpers) I do?" "Of course!" "Just think... next year, you get to go to my library opening." " And you get to buy my book." " Can't you just give me a copy?" "Well, I can't be giving out free copies of the book 'cause think of the position that that would put me in." " Oh, I'm sorry." " That's okay." "And you're gonna have a birthday next, um..." " August." " August." "Good for you." "That's right." "And you're gonna be..." " 40." " 40." " You remembered." " Yeah." "You're only 40?" "And I'm gonna..." "I'm gonna have a party." " Oh, really?" " In Alabama." "Oh, Alabama." "If I make it, will you come?" "Yes." " I will come." " Madam President." " Yes?" " Ron Addis, Head of Cardiology." "Oh, Head of Cardiology for him?" "No, Ma'am." "I'll be placing your stent." "Okay, thank God." "Yeah, let's get that done." "(Mumbling) Gary, you okay?" "Mm, yeah, good." "Thank you." "Okay, if anybody asks, you just say I'm in a routine closed-door meeting, okay?" " Absolutely." " If they're wondering why" "I'm at the hospital, you just put that on Gary 'cause he had a massive heart attack, luckily." " He's good, though, right?" " Yes, Ma'am." "'Cause I don't know the alarm code to get back into my house." "Marjorie and Catherine are on their way." " Just tell them I'm in a meeting, too." " All right, got it." " No photos!" " I was accessing her medical history." "Ma'am, Sherman Tanz called again." "Oh, God." "Where are we with that?" " All nos." " Yeah, just like his face." "We need to give him a name or we lose him." " All righty, time to go." " SELINA:" "Okay." "Just give him that whale dong Jonah, my God." " Oh, good luck." " I'm fine." " Get well soon." " Thank you so much, Richard." "Hey, I have... (Muffled Dialogue)" "You can just... just close that, okay?" "She never stops talking." "No!" "No, no, no." "That's not what I want... she didn't even..." " What are you doing?" " I'm calling Jonah." " (Line Ringing)" " No." "JONAH:" "Well, well, well." "If it isn't the prodigal traitor come back home to suck on my giant congressional ball." "No, it's Richard Splett." "I'm calling on behalf of President Selina Meyer." " You remember her." "She's the former..." " Hold on." " I have a more important call coming in." " Oh, okay." "(Music Playing On Phone)" "Well, well, well." "If it isn't the prodigal ex-girlfriend come home to suck on my giant..." "Listen, jizz clot, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're gonna have a meeting with Sherman Tanz." "Is this the same thing that Richard's calling about?" "No idea." "Just stay on with me." "This is your chance to get back in President Meyer's good graces." "Hey. (Snaps Fingers)" "Who is Sherman Tanz?" "Private prison and pay day lending magnate," "Israel hyper-enthusiast, billionaire, convicted of tax fraud." "Yeah, when people think about what's wrong in Washington, they think of him and you." "Association with Tanz spells disaster." "So, I shouldn't meet with him?" "Well, for you, Congressman, disaster would be a step up." "Are you asking Ben and Kent who he is?" "No." "He's a prison magnet." " (Beeping)" " RICHARD:" "Hello?" "Oh, someone has call waiting." " This is Splett." " DANNY:" "Hey, buddy." "Help me out with this Selina Ross and the Supremes insanity." "Apparently, someone saw President Meyer's name on McPherson's call sheet, and he's the chair of the Judiciary Committee." "I'm sorry, could you repeat everything after "Hey, buddy"?" " Oh, shit, hold on one sec." "Jane?" " Yeah?" "Chocolate chip walnut cookies from Levain." " (Exhales)" " Mm-hmm." " You're lucky I have such a great ass." " (Chuckles)" "All right, so tell me, is there any truth at all to this?" "All I can tell you is that President Meyer is in a closed-door meeting." "Wait, so this Supreme Court shit's real?" "All I can tell you is President Meyer is in a closed-door... hello?" "Oh, I better get back to Mr. Ryan." "(Music Continues On Phone)" "(Knocks) Hey, guys, I have insider confirmation that Selina Meyer is being considered for the open Supreme Court seat." "To what, reupholster it?" "Write it up real quick and then, Jane, you can lead with it." "Actually, I think Danny should run with it." "It's his source, it's his story." " Really?" " But I will take the zoo animal segment." " Professor Parrot, yes." " Jane, are you sure?" "This is huge." "If I am speaking, I am sure." "Sorry, Jane." "Of course you're sure." "Okay." "Danny is my man." " Jane, thank you." " Mm." "Oh, also, can we do something about my makeup girl and her Hinckley-esque obsession with bronzer?" "She's not going anywhere." "She's the head makeup artist's niece." "I'm starting to look like I should be auditioning for a telenovela here." "Why don't you talk to Jane?" "You're her man." "(Scoffs) Yeah, right." "Which is actually great because I have this really killer piece I wanna do on Rwanda." "(Music Continues On Phone)" "Hi." "Hi." "What... what is my password for my phone?" " MARJORIE:" "Hello, Ma'am." " CATHERINE:" "Hi!" " How are you feeling?" " Oh, honey." "Oh!" "You got me some bodega flowers?" "They're actually from a very expensive boutique." "Oh, okay, well, I like them, wherever they're from." " We can just give them to Gary." " Aw, thank you." " Ma'am, more Court questions." " Ma'am, this is getting silly." "Montez is not gonna name someone from the opposite party to the Supreme Court." " We need to all just chill out and..." " Uh, Montez is on TV." "I can't comment on the nomination process." "However, I remain committed to reaching across the aisle." " Fuck my ears." " She just said reaching across the aisle." "Whoo, that Montez is a Latin piece of ass." "Okay, he's hallucinating." "Come here, come here, come out here." "What... what is going on here?" "What is our next move?" "Ma'am, Senator Hallowes from Judiciary wants to set a meeting to pre-vet." "No!" "This means I'm on the short list?" "!" " What?" "I'm on the short list!" " Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo!" "Madam President, may I say from one vet to another, congratulations." "Oh, God, this is the second act that Selina Meyer finally deserves." "And we gotta play this smart." " Madam President." " Hello." "How are you?" " Gary Walsh?" " Yeah." " If you will just sign here, please." " "Yas," queen." "We'll go over your discharge plans," " your after care, your medications." " Okay." "Okay." " Um, Gary?" " Hmm?" "Do you have someone at home who can take care of you?" "Yes, my roommates Stashelle, Lark, and Boosh." "You have three roommates?" "We share a studio in Hoboken." "Your Mom doesn't think you're pretty, but I think you're stunning." "Thank you." "This isn't unprecedented either, because President Taft was on the Supreme Court after he was president." "Yeah, and what's the first thing you remember about him?" "He got stuck in a bathtub?" "No, well, the second thing you remember about him." " He was buried in a piano case." " No, that's not right." " Mom?" " What?" "Gary's gonna stay with us in the brownstone until he gets better." "Okay, what's happening right now?" "I'm... go call Hallowes and tell her Selina will meet with her next Monday." " Your Hallowes impression." " It's spot-on." "It's hilarious." "Ooh, Monday, it's the day after Daylight Saving Time." "It's my favorite holiday 'cause it's like living in a tiny version of "Back to the Future."" "He can't go all the way back to Hoboken." " Hi!" " New Jersey?" "What are you talking about?" "You live in New Jersey?" "You're at the brownstone by 6:00." "I leave a little after 4:00," " I catch the 4:28 PATH..." " Okay." "then I take the F to the 6, and then I do a quick jaunt, and I'm there in time to steep the tea..." " Mom." " What?" "What... oh, my God, fine!" "Put him in the basement." "I don't give a shit." "Fine, the basement." "Who gives a shit?" " I love the basement." " What is my password?" " (Vocalizes "I Don'T Know")" " Okay." "SELINA:" "Give my regards to everybody on the Judiciary Committee." "Oh, of course, Madam President." " Be well." " Oh, I'm well." "I'm Weller than well." " I love your scarf." " Eileen Fisher." " Oh, it's so chic." " Buh-bye." " Buh-bye." " (Door Closes)" "I feel like my chest has been trampled in a Puerto Rican nightclub fire." "It's like I'm breathing through a tiny straw, you know?" "Oh, a straw." "Yeah, I want a water with a straw." " Uh-huh." " So, that went well." " That went really well." " Ma'am, Sherman Tanz called." "Well, tell Sherman Tanz I don't need a library anymore." " Ma'am, I'm sure it'll be fun." " No, a library is good for you." "No, my legacy, guys, is me in a robe, taking guns from this guy, giving the death penalty to that guy." "And they can't vote me out, right?" "It's for life." "They're gonna have to carry me out of there with the gavel clenched in my cold, dead twat." "Oh, Gary, I need you to move all of these law review boxes." " Love to, yeah." " Ow!" "See, now it hurts for me to point." "That muscle's called the brachioradialis." "At least it is in cats." "Do you want me to get you some arnica ointment?" " Yeah, that would be good." " RICHARD:" "And for the vetting..." " Yeah." " the Judiciary Committee has asked to send them everything that you've ever written on abortion." "Well, I can give them my actual abortion if I could find it lying around here somewhere." "I'll check the freezer." "Ma'am, picked by the Supreme Court." "I mean, that's a twist ending to the book." "SELINA:" "I know." "Although, you know what?" "If I'm going to be a Supreme," "I don't really think we need to finish this book." "Oh, we do." "We do, Ma'am." "Oh, no, it isn't upstairs, Gary." "It's in the bathroom off of the kitchen." " 'Cour... yeah, sure." " MIKE:" "Everybody reads." "Now, Ma'am, we can get this book done so fast." "Not at the rate you guys are going now." " It's in the bathroom upstairs." " What's in he bathroom?" " GARY:" "Yeah." " Just forget that for right now, okay?" "Give that a break." " AMY:" "Oh, my God." " Whoo!" "I'm sorry, Mama." "Bunny's late for middle school." "I'll see you later." "Uh, Gary?" "Okay, okay, okay." "Do you know where my water with the straw is?" "JONAH:" "Good morning, Team Ryan." "Tell me what gets this Tanz guy's dick hard." "Being on time, Congressman Dachau." "You're an hour late." "He's been sitting in your office the whole time." " 10:00 AM." " Was an hour ago." "58 minutes." "Do I need to timesplain clock reading to you two?" "The big hand points to the noon and the little hand points to the..." "Well, fuck, it's the..." "God, it's 10:00 AM." "You didn't set your watch forward." " Happy Daylight Savings Time." " Saving." " Whatever." " Oh, shit, Daylight Savings Time is today?" "Saving, and it started yesterday." "Okay, well, there is literally no way that I could've known that." " Hello, Sir." " 59 minutes." "That's how long I've been sitting here waiting for a man that nobody should wait for." " Sir, I'm so sorry." "My senior staff..." " Never apologize." "Sorry betrays a weak spirit." "Have a seat, Congressman." "Okay, but you're in..." "Fine." "Nice of you to fit me into your busy schedule." "Okay, see, when you say that, it makes me think that I should be apologizing." "Don't worry, I like to judge a man by looking him right in the eyes." "Okay." "Are you gonna make a campaign contribution or what?" "You know what?" "I am." "Getting paid, getting laid, son." "Congressman Jonah Ryan." " R-Y-A-N." " Zero dollars and one cent." "Did you have a stroke, you weird asshole man?" "You stuck around here for an hour just to be a dick?" "I did." "You didn't even sign this." "Maybe you should've apologized." "You told me not to!" " Ding-dong!" "Dinner is served!" " GARY:" "What?" "You should not be in the maid's quarters." " I know." " Oh, let me help, let me help." " No, no, no, Gary, sit." " No, no, no, you sit." " No, Gary, sit!" " All right, let's both sit." "Lookie looksters!" " Oh, my gosh!" " Yeah." "This looks delicious." "What is it?" "Oh, I cut up a chicken sandwich and I put it into pasta." "What?" "Is this the chicken sandwich that was in the fridge before the hospital?" "Wow, and you left the bun on it when you cut it." "Well, you don't have to finish it if you don't think it's..." "No, no, no, I can't wait to swirl my fork in there and get in." "Let me see." "Mm." "(Chuckling)" "Smells sort of funky, though, no?" "It's the bleu cheese. (Clears Throat)" "No, but there isn't any bleu cheese in it." "(Groans)" "You must be... (Coughs) starving yourself, though." " Oh, no, I ate." " You did?" "Yeah, a chef made me some grilled salmon and some asparagus with a béarnaise sauce." " It was heavenly." "It was really delicious." " Okay." "I mean, I couldn't finish it." "I just threw the rest out." "You did?" "Okay." "Where is your water?" "Ugh, I don't have any." "There's just bottles in the kitchen." " Oh." " (Sighs)" " Yeah, I'll go." " No, no, no, I'll go." "No, no, no, I'm gonna go, really." "Okay?" "I'm just..." "I just wanna wait a minute." "Okay." "That's really sweet." "ANNOUNCER:" "We've got full queen and king pillow top sets for 599," " and a king memory foam..." " (Gary Snoring)" "Apparently, the state Senator was against gay marriage and paying his gay escort." " We'll be right back." " And we're clear." "Great." "No." "Unless it's an eraser, go away." "I don't want it." "Danny, I saw that piece that you did on Rwanda." "It's very powerful." "You did?" "Fantastic!" "I'm so glad you like it." " Oh, you know what?" "Real quick..." " A lot of research." " Very powerful." " You gotta try one of these." "Just say yes." "You will be the death of me." "Ugh!" " Cookie?" " Is that what she calls you when she puts her penis in your vagina?" "What?" "What are you talking about?" "We all know about you and Jane." "You guys are together." "Come on, I haven't slept with a woman over 30 since I was 14, and that's 'cause I needed the grade." "Bronzina's fired." "You're welcome." "You're so tapping that." "WOMAN:" "Okay, camera two." "(Birds Chirping)" "(Gary Inhales)" " BEN:" "Where have you been?" " JONAH:" "Why?" "Did I miss the French toast dippy things?" " You're two hours late." " No, that's impossible." "I set my watch back for Daylight Savings Time." " Saving, not savings." " You set your watch the wrong way." " It's neither a plural, nor a possessive." " No, it's spring." " I "springed" backwards." " No, you spring forward!" "Have ever watched girls gymnastics?" "That makes no sense." "You could just get the correct time from your phone." "Oh, could I?" "Well, guess what, my phone fell in the toilet, so who's the fucking smart guy now, Kent?" "Hey, hey, hey, listen to me, you plus-sized homunculus." " Plus-sized what?" " Homunculus." "A human-shaped creature of medieval legend that Paracelsus claimed was created from putrefied sperm." " How do you both know that?" " BEN:" "Not now, not now." "If you don't want that reporter to write a story titled" ""Granite State Represented by Twinless Tower,"" "then you better get over there, dip his cock in some maple syrup," " and start sucking." " Fine." "Hey, Union Leader, come here." " Take this down." " (Recorder Beeps)" "I'm not gonna suck your dick." "The only one who should be sucking your dick is Daylight Savings Time." "And I don't give a fuck if that means that some farmer in Kansas has to milk his cow using a fucking flashlight." "I've had my own bedtime since I was 17." "I didn't need a babysitter then and I don't need one now, and it's high time that the government stop trying to babysit all of us." "That was all off the record." "AMY:" "Ma'am, "New York Times" says Montez is naming the nominee today." " Eh." " "Buzzfeed" confirms." " Oh, my God, really?" " Yeah." "We should be getting a phone call any minute." "Ooh, my heart is racing!" " I bet this time, it's just menopause." " (Phone Chiming)" " President Meyer's office." " SELINA:" "Ooh." "Yep, she's right here." "It's Candi Caruso." " Don't say that I'm here." " You are here, though." "Candi?" "Uh-huh." "Oh, that's fantastic!" "Okay, thank you." "Bye-bye." "Get Shylock Tanz on the phone right now!" " What?" " I don't know who Montez picked, but it sure as tits wasn't me." "I need that money for the library ASAP." "Go!" "I think his name is Sherman Tanz." "Fuck Montez and that fake bur... burrow... whatever you call those donkeys they ride in on." " Bureaus." " AMY:" "Burro?" "It would've been a shame to hide that body under a robe." " You know?" " Okay, yes." "Sherman Tanz on line one." "All right, here we go." "Sherman, hello!" "I wanna give you some exciting news." "We have secured the property for the Meyer Library." "Ugh, that's sensational!" "Listen, I have something to tell you." " I get it." " You do?" "And I want you to remind me what it is exactly that you're getting." "Jonah Ryan." "He's young, he's raw, he's a fresh, if slightly deformed, face that I can ride like a hobby horse." "Did you see his nonsense about the Daylight Savings?" " I love this guy." " We all do." "This coastal property..." "Selina, I can't do the whole five mil by myself anymore." " Seriously?" " I am all in on Jonah Ryan," " and I owe you one." "Okay?" " Yeah." " That was the fucking point, Sherman." " I'll talk to you soon." " Bye!" " Okay?" " Oh, here it is." " has nominated President Stuart Hughes for the Supreme Court seat left empty by the death of Justice Tenny." "(Panting) Ow." "Aw, well, at least you made the short list." "How are you feeling, by the way?" "Good." " Then shut the fuck up." " Uh-huh." "On the bright side, it's gonna be an amazing new exhibit at the Hughes Library." "SELINA:" "Turn this off." "Danny Egan takes an unflinching look at Rwanda 20 years later." "Thank you, Jane." "The Rwandan genocide ended over two decades ago, but for Jean Pierre Magambo, the nightmares never end." " Good morning." " (Chatter)" "Good morning." "Look, it's 9:00 AM, right?" " Yes, it is." " BEN:" "Mm-hmm." "Okay, great." "Who are all these people?" "I told you I didn't wanna meet with anybody." "They are from Tanz." "You've got economists, staffers, even a couple of scientists, right?" "And they have written you a piece of legislation." "Oof." "Cool." "Wait, do I have to read all this?" " Your choice." " Fine." "Hello." "Thanks for this." "Thank you." "Mr. Speaker," "Daylight Saving... not plural..." "Time has never saved us from anything, certainly not the higher energy costs it promised to lower." "Statistically, there is proof that the twice yearly time change leads to increased accidents." "And furthermore, the mish-mash of time zones and time changes is just another example of the government overextending its reach." "This bill will be a call for less government from our clocks to our privately built for-profit prisons to the very watches on our wrists." "Thank you, Mr. Speaker." "I yield the floor."