"LUCY:" "Okay, there are two things that I remember about my childhood." "I just don't remember it being this orange." "First, I remember being with my dad." "He would get these far-off looks in his eye, and he would say," ""Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan."" "I just wish I'd realized at the time he was talking about my life." "But that never stopped us from taking our adventures together." "He would pack up our sometimes-working car, and he would tell me amazing stories about strange and exotic lands as we headed off to exciting destinations like Milwaukee." "It's amazing how exotic Wisconsin isn't." "But my favorite memories were the stories that he would tell me about my mom." "He would take me to the church where they got married, and I'd beg him to tell me more about the ceremony and about my crazy Uncle Irwin, who fell asleep in the macaroni and cheese." "And I asked my dad when he knew that he truly loved my mom." "And he said to me, "Lucy, your mother gave me a special gift." ""She gave me the world."" "Actually it was a globe with a light in it." "But for the romantic that he was, it might as well have been the world." "Well, the first time I saw him, he didn't exactly give me the world." "It was a dollar-fifty train token." "But I looked forward to it every single day." "He started coming to my booth between 8:01 and 8:15 every morning," "Monday through Friday, and he was just perfect." "My Prince Charming." "Well, we've never actually spoken, but I know someday we will." "I know it." "I just know it." "And I know that someday I will find a way to introduce myself, and that's gonna be perfect." "Just like my prince." "(GRUNTING)" "$45 for a Christmas tree and they don't deliver?" "You order $10 worth of chow chow mein from Mr. Wong's, they bring it to your door." "(GRUNTING)" "I should've gotten the blue spruce." "They're lighter." "Ahh!" "(GLASS CRASHING)" "FUSCO:" "Lucy!" "Nature of claim, Christmas tree through window." "How am I gonna put that on my insurance?" "They're still pissed about the fire we had when Joe Jr." "Barbecued in the stairwell." " I missed that one." " Oh, great sausage." " Look, I'll pay for this." " That's okay, Lucy." "My brother Julie's in the glass business." "Oh, I almost forgot." "Merry Christmas." "Aw, Lucy." "You didn't have to do that." "Well, I wanted to." "I haven't even gotten to my shopping yet." "JOE JR:" "Hey, Pop." "Can I give that bottle of Blue Nun from cousin Ornella to my probation officer?" "FUSCO:" "Can't you see we got some company?" " Say hello." " Hello, Luce." "Nice, uh..." "Sweater." " Thank you." " It's over there." "Lucy, you're a nice girl." "Joe Jr.'s still single." "Yeah, it's a shocker." "What'll you have?" " Oh, the usual." " What's that?" " Mustard, Coke." " Lucy." "Lucy, Lucy, Lucy." " Hi, Jerry." " I'm glad to find you here." "I was hoping you'd find me in Bermuda." "Bermuda?" "Oh, that's good." "I am recommending you for Employee of the Month." "The usual." "Really?" "I didn't know there was an Employee of the Month." "Oh, yeah." ""Supervisor Jerry Wallace nominates Lucy Moderatz" ""for Employee of the Month." ""Lucy is never tardy, always works holidays," ""even if she has worked the previous holiday." ""Just because she worked Thanksgiving," ""Lucy is willing to work Christmas, too."" "Jerry, I'm not working Christmas." "Uh..." "You'll get a nice plaque with the mayor's stamp on it." " I didn't vote." " You get to ride on a float." " Saint Paddy's Day." " I hate parades." "Did I mention extra holiday pay?" " I hate you." " Lucy." "Look, Violet is sick and Celeste can't switch because she's got some big family thing." "And I promised my kids I'd be there for them this year." "It stinks, Jerry." "I know it isn't fair, and I can't make you do it." "But, Lucy, you're the only one..." "Without family." "(CHILDREN GIGGLING)" "Come on, Richie." "MAN 1:" "Hi." "Merry Christmas." "Uh-huh." "Nice coat?" "Merry Christmas to you, too?" "You're beautiful." "Will you marry me?" "I love you." "MAN 2:" "Hey." "MAN 3:" "Nice coat." "MAN 1:" "It's Christmas." "I don't want any trouble." "Whoa!" "MAN 2:" "Let's go, let's go, let's go." "Somebody help me, please." "Sir?" "Sir?" "Sir?" "Are you okay?" "Can you get up?" "God, sir, this is not good." "Oh, God, mister..." "Can you..." "Are you breathing?" "Oh, God, you smell good." "Please wake up." "Please, please." "Oh, God." "Can you wake up?" " Can you hear me?" " (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)" "Oh, God." "Wake up." "Somebody help me, please." "Mister?" "Mister?" "There's a train coming, and it's fast." "It's an express." "(BRAKES SQUEALING)" "Oh, God." "(GRUNTING)" "Hi." "MAN:" "All right, bring him down here." "WOMAN 1:" "I need a doctor here." "WOMAN 2 ON PA:" "Dr. Stevens, Dr. Jessica Stevens..." "Hi, excuse me." "About two seconds ago, a man was brought in..." " What's his name?" " I don't know it." " I need to know his name." "LUCY:" " He's right there." "You don't know his name?" "Why don't you..." " You can't go in." " You can't go in there." " You don't understand." " INTERN:" "You family?" " Family only." "LUCY:" " No, you don't understand." " I was..." " You wait there." "Okay, guys, what do we got here?" "I was gonna marry him." "INTERN:" "Get Dr. Rubin or Dr. Ortiz here." "WOMAN 2 ON PA:" "Dr. Memrack to ICU West." "WANDA:" "Come on, come with me." "Over here." " Let him hear your voice, hon." " Okay." "Hi." "Everything is gonna be okay." "I know it." "It's gonna be fine." " Excuse me." " Yeah?" "Is that the woman that saved his life?" " Yeah." " Whoa." "It gets even better than that." "She's his fiancée." "Excuse me, ma'am." "I'm sorry, but I need to ask you a few questions." " Okay." " Officer, may I interrupt you?" " Sure." "I'll be right over there." " Thank you." " I'm Dr. Rubin." " Hi, I'm Lucy." "Don't tell me about passes." "Where the hell is he?" "MARY:" " Dad, don't embarrass me." " Oh, he's so pale." "Oh, my God." " RUBIN:" "What is this?" " This is my son." "How is he?" "RUBIN:" "You can't come bursting into this unit." "MIDGE:" " He'll be all right, right?" "Right?" " What happened?" "What's going on?" " He's in a coma." " On Christmas Day." "OX:" "Jesus." "His vital signs are strong, his brain waves are good." " (MOUTHING) Brain waves?" " RUBIN:" "He's going to get through this." " Are you a specialist?" " How did this happen?" "He was pushed from the platform at the train station." "Who's she?" " She's his fiancée." " His fiancée?" "WANDA:" "Yeah." "MARY:" "Peter's fiancée?" " Peter's engaged?" " Yeah, I thought..." "No, no, you don't understand." "MIDGE:" "I mean, he would have told us, right?" "Maybe he was busy." "Too busy to tell his own mother he's getting married?" "MIDGE:" "Don't yell at him." "OX:" "I'm not yelling at him." " If only Jack were here." " Grandma?" " Is she okay?" " She's got a little heart problem." "She's had three attacks already." "They weren't attacks." "They were episodes." "OX:" "Oh, jeez." " Nothing wrong with her hearing." " Excuse me, Doctor." "What is she doing in here?" "Hey, buddy, she saved his life." "You saved his life?" "Yeah, yeah, but..." "I thought he was pushed off a train platform." "She jumped on the tracks." "You jumped on the tracks?" "Doctor, it's supposed to be family only." " She is family." " She's the fiancée, you idiot." " Look, I'm sorry, you don't understand." "MIDGE:" " I'm awfully sorry." "We haven't seen him for a long time, so we didn't know." "I always wanted him to find a nice girl." "I'm so glad he found you." "(CRYING)" "Oh, Peter." " Why did you say that?" " Say what?" " I'm not his fiancée." " Why did you tell me that you were?" "I'm not engaged." "I've never even spoken to the guy." "What?" "But downstairs you said..." "You said you were gonna marry him." "Oh, jeez, I was talking to myself." "Well, next time you talk to yourself, tell yourself you're single and end the conversation." " What am I gonna do?" " I don't know." "She held me so tight." "You know, I couldn't tell her." " I know." " Excuse me, nurse." " Is there a pharmacy in the hospital?" " What do you need?" "Elsie, she wants nitroglycerin." "Oh, for her heart problem?" "Problem?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Problems." "You know something, I think you saved her life." "In fact, I think you saved the whole family." "Bless you." "WANDA:" "Why don't you come with me?" "I'll take you down there." "So, tell us how you met Peter." "Ma, she doesn't wanna talk about that now, okay?" "ELSIE:" "Why not?" "Could use a nice story." " How do you know it was nice?" " ELSIE:" "Of course it was nice." "Why shouldn't it be nice?" "What about that other girl?" "The one he met in the bar." "What's that got to do with the price of eggs?" " Ashley Bartlett Bacon." "MIDGE:" " Ox." "All I know is she was pretty high and mighty for someone named after breakfast meat." "Well, he has a nice girl now." "So did you steal him from Ashley?" "I bet it was love at first sight." "Right?" "I have a sense about these things." " Elsie, let her tell it." " She is telling it." "I bet that he picked you up in that fancy car of his..." "What was it about him that, you know, first struck you?" " It was his, uh, smile." " They're caps." " Six hundred bucks a tooth." " Shh!" "Well, um, we saw each other and, um, he smiled." "And..." "And I knew that my life would never be the same." "So..." " Tomorrow night, 8:00." " What?" "I got Ice Capades." "I know a guy." "LUCY:" "Hi." "Um..." "Bet you're wondering what I'm doing here in the middle of the night, huh?" "Well, I thought I should introduce myself." "My name's Lucy." "Lucy Eleanor Moderatz." "Um..." "Think you should know your family thinks we're engaged." "Never been engaged before." "This is all very sudden for me." "What I really came here to tell you was that" "I didn't mean for this to happen." "I don't know what to do." "I mean, if you were awake, I wouldn't be in this mess." "Oh, God." "Not that I'm blaming you." "Sorry." "It's just that, you know, when I was a kid," "I always imagined what I would be like, or where I would be, or what I would have when I got older." "And, you know, it was the normal stuff." "You know, I'd have a house and family and things like that." "You know, not that I'm complaining or anything, because, you know, I have a cat." "I have an apartment." "Um..." "Sole possession of the remote control." "That's very important." "It's just..." "I never met anybody that I could laugh with, you know?" "Do you believe in love at first sight?" "No, I bet you don't." "You're probably too sensible for that." "Or have you ever, like, seen somebody, and you knew that if only that person really knew you, they would..." "Well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with and realize that you were the one that they wanted to just grow old with." "Have you ever fallen in love with somebody you haven't even talked to?" "Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?" " (PHONE RINGING)" " MAN ON PA:" "Brian Lynch." "Mr. Brian Lynch, please call Amber Lynch at 2617." "Oh, my God." "Bye." " Lucy." "We didn't know you were here." " Hi." "LUCY:" " Hi." " Hi." " Were you here all night?" " Yeah." "You're like me." "I could always sleep anywhere." "And believe me, she has." "Way to go, Gram." "So how's Peter?" "LUCY:" "Well, he's got more color." "He has some color." "Looks like he has some color." "Yeah." "Well, I have to go, so it was great to see you guys again." " Why don't you tell her?" "Go on, tell her." " Yeah." "We didn't get to celebrate Christmas, so it would be nice if you could join us." "Oh, um..." "I would love to, but I can't." " Jack's gonna be there." " That's right." "You haven't met Jack yet." " No, not yet." " He'll be so happy to meet you." "So you'll come tonight?" "I really shouldn't, because I have to work." "I can't." "OX:" "Look, here." "Put your phone number and address there." "Midge'll call you and talk you into it." "LUCY:" "Okay." "Here's another card for when you change your mind." "We're in the estate-furniture business." "We buy furniture from dead people." "Okay." "All right, well, I have it, so bye." "MIDGE:" " Bye, dear." "See you later." " Bye." " Ma'am?" "Excuse me, ma'am." " What?" "What is this?" "I'm sorry, Mrs. Callaghan." "These are your husband's things." "He's not my husband." "I'm sorry." "Your fiancé." "(WHINES)" "MAN:" "You're Peter's fiancée?" " Okay." " Dalton Clarke." "Colleague of Peter's at Lubel, Parker, Jacobs and Fink." " I have to go now." " He's a great guy." "He's had a tough year." "What with the accident last month and all." " Accident?" " Well, of course it was an accident." "I mean, it wasn't my..." "Did he tell you it was my fault?" "We're playing basketball, all right?" "I carry a pencil." "I'm a lawyer, I do that." "LUCY:" " Okay." " Jesus, what's he..." "It's gonna be okay." "JERRY:" "So, what's the big deal?" "LUCY:" "What's the big deal?" "Jerry, they think I'm their future daughter-in-law." "And the grandmother, she's got this heart thing." "If I tell the truth, she's gonna have a heart attack and die, and it's gonna be on my head." "Well, then, go along with it." "And when Peter comes out of the coma, the family will be so happy, they won't care that you lied to them." "They'll probably even thank you for it." "Just mustard." "Okay, what if he doesn't come out of his coma?" "Well, then who's to know?" " I don't know." " Now, look, look." "Lucy." "When my mother found out I was getting married to my wife, her intestines exploded." " Oh, my God." " Now, you tell them now, you might as well shoot Grandma." "Come on, Mel." "Mel..." "Psst, psst, psst!" "What am I doing?" "SAUL:" "Lucy." "LUCY:" " Hi, Saul." "Hi." " You made it?" " Yeah." " How do you feel?" "Okay." "Okay." "Come on, keep me company for a while." "I don't like to smoke in the house." " Listen, you want one?" " I'm trying to quit." "SAUL: (LAUGHS) That's good." "Here, sit down." "They don't bother you, do they?" "No, no, I'm fine." "Did you know that I was Peter's godfather?" "Really?" "I thought you had to be Catholic for that." "Ox fudged it over." "He donated 50 folding chairs to Father Shea's bingo night." "You know, being a godfather is very important to Catholics." "It means you're practically part of the family." "Well, you're lucky." "It's really important to have family around this time of year." "Are you, uh..." "I mean, are your parents with you?" "No, no." "My mom died when I was really young." "And a couple years ago, my dad got sick." "And we moved from Indiana to Chicago so he could go to a research hospital." "Research." "A medical term for "very expensive"?" "Yeah." "Yeah, exactly." "I had to quit school and then I started working for the CTA." "And about a year ago, he decided he had had enough research, and he passed away." "My wife of 51 years passed away two years ago, February the 9th." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, it was a rough time for me." " Yeah." " But Ox got me through." " You're good friends?" " The best." "Lucy, the Callaghans..." "Well, they took me in as part of their family." "I'd never let anyone hurt them." "Neither would I." "I believe you wouldn't." "Lucy?" "You came?" "Hi, Saul." "Oh, this is great." "Okay, come on in, you two." "It's freezing out here." "Elsie made her eggnog." " Word to the wise, drink soda." " Okay." "MIDGE:" "Ox, Mom, look who's here." "Lucy came." "What a surprise." "LUCY:" " Hi, Mary." " Come on in." "It's cold out there." "Oh, sweetheart." "ELSIE:" "We've got the most wonderful dinner." "LUCY:" "It smells so good." "Hi." "This is so beautiful." "MARY:" "That's Peter on the right." "LUCY:" "He's so sweet." "MARY:" "Oh, yeah, the squirrels." "MIDGE:" "Eggnog, everyone." "Ma, where are you?" "I'm serving your eggnog." "ELSIE:" "I'm getting my camera." "Come on, everybody." "Get close to the tree." "MIDGE:" "Christmas pictures." " Lucy, come on." " OX:" "Come on, Lucy." "MIDGE:" " Let's go." " I..." "ELSIE:" "Watch the birdie." "MIDGE:" "Oh, Ma, take it again." "I blinked." " SAUL:" "You're lucky." "I'm blind." " (WOMEN LAUGHING)" "OX:" "Oh, yeah, I love it." " Oh, excuse me." " I don't drink anymore." "Oh." " I don't drink any less either." " (SAUL LAUGHS)" "ELSIE:" "Perhaps I should." "SAUL:" "You got me on that one." "OX:" "Oh, look at this." "MIDGE:" "More presents." "I'll take these two." "MARY:" "What is this?" "OX:" "Open it." "SAUL:" "What is that?" "MIDGE:" "Turn them over." " Pierced?" "Really?" "MIDGE:" " Mmm-hmm." "MARY:" "Oh, my God, thank you." " We'll go to Wal-Mart on Monday." " Thank you." "Don't thank me." "If it was up to me, I would've gotten you a Barbie." "MIDGE:" "Did you like that?" "OX:" "More presents." " We hit the jackpot." "MARY:" " Mom, this is for you." "Oh! "To Ox, from Uncle Al."" "Who the hell is Uncle Al?" "Uncle Al." "You know, Uncle Al from Buffalo." "SAUL:" "You remember Al." "OX:" "Uncle Al?" "To Lucy, from Santa." "MIDGE:" "You remember Uncle Al." "SAUL:" "Remember Al?" "He was here." "OX:" "Oh, yeah, that Uncle Al." "MIDGE:" "That was a real good Christmas." "Seven bow ties, I bet." " Oh, you shouldn't have." " ELSIE:" "That's right, she made these." "(CHATTERING)" "Oh, the gold watch." "I love it." "Oh, sweetheart, it's so expensive." "MARY:" "Oh, Gram, these are so great." "Thank you." "They're so pretty." "MIDGE:" "You remember Uncle Al, don't you?" "ELSIE:" "No." "Yeah, yeah." "Well, he wasn't really uncle." "OX:" "I never got him anything." "MIDGE:" "He had this moustache." "He was Daddy's friend, right?" "OX:" "I know an Uncle Ed." "MIDGE:" "No, Uncle Al." "(RINGING)" "PETER ON RECORDING:" "This is Callaghan." "Leave a message and I'll get back to you." "Ciao." "(BEEPS)" "ASHLEY ON PHONE:" "Hi, it's Ashley." "Lisbon is absolutely gorgeous, but I'm cutting my trip short, because I have been doing a lot of thinking, and what the hey," "I will marry you." "MARY:" "Jack." "JACK:" "Hey." "MARY:" "Hey, buddy." "(JACK AND MARY CHUCKLING)" "Shh!" "Don't wake Lucy." "Who's Lucy?" "Lucy's Peter fiancée." "No, that's not Peter's fiancée." "MARY:" "You haven't met her?" "JACK:" "No." "Well, she's great." "You're gonna love her." "JACK:" "You know what, kid?" "Maybe I'll stay the night." "MARY:" "Don't eat my cereal in the morning." "JACK:" "So it's Mary's special cereal." "MARY:" "Last time you took the toy surprise, remember?" " Good morning." " Ah!" "Oh, God." " Oh, you scared me." " Sorry." "Good morning, Jack." "Um..." "I guess I don't remember meeting you." "Well, it's probably because we've never met." "That might have something to do with it." "(CAR HORN HONKING)" "Cab." "I have to go." "I'm really late, because I have to go." "But it was nice to meet you, Jack." "So bye." " Lucy." " Okay, look." " I know that I..." " Hey." "Hmm?" "Welcome to the family." "Oh, thank you." "Bye." "We pray that the Lord's healing presence will be felt by those who are sick and by their families." "Especially Jo-Jo Goreki, Peter Callaghan," "Craig Little and Peggy Dunne." "We pray to the Lord." " Lord, hear our prayer." " ALL:" "Lord, hear our prayer." "O, God, you call us to live as one family." " Save us from..." " So who's this Lucy?" "She's your brother's fiancée." "You'd think if Peter were getting married, he would have announced it in the Tribune." " We read the Sun Times." "Amen." " ALL:" "Amen." "So why did she sneak out this morning?" "She has a job." "I like Mass better in Latin." "It's nicer when you don't know what they're saying." " Did you get the Bourbeau estate?" " Got it." " What about Downey's?" " Got it." " Himmelstein's?" " Yeah." " Did you get Van Allan?" " Himmelstein's took too long." " For Chrissake, Jack." " Stop swearing." "Look, you're running the business now." "There's something I'd like to talk about." " Talk about that later, okay?" " Talk about it now." " He can't kill you in church." " Will you please pipe down?" "Hey, be nice, pally." "We're in church." " You're disrupting the Mass." " Who made you the pope?" "Ox." "How did Joe Kelly get to be a lector?" "He takes marijuana." "ALL:" "Amen." "Ugh." "GIRL 1:" "Hi, Luce." "GIRL 2:" "Hi, Lucy." "WOMAN:" "Hi, Lucy." "(METAL CLANGING)" "JOE JR:" "Come on, you stupid wing nut." "Your mother's..." "Excuse me, do you live here?" "Live here?" "I own this place." "Great." "Well, then you would know the woman that lives in 201." "Know her?" "I'm dating her." "(CHATTERING)" "Very clean." "Kitty?" "(WHISTLING)" "Kitty?" "Rich kitty?" "Come here." "Mealtime." "Kitty, kitty, kitty." "Kitty, kitty, kitty." "Kitty." "Kitty?" "Food." "Kitty, kitty, kitty." "Come here." "Come here." "Come on, honey." "Where are you?" "(GRUNTING)" "Oh, I'm so sorry." "Nice shot." "I'll get you some ice." "I'm sorry." "I wasn't expecting anybody." " Hey, how'd you get in here?" " Um..." "Key?" "Key." "Oh, you stay here a lot, huh?" "Oh, you know, feed the cat." "Peter doesn't have a cat." "(CAT MEOWS)" "Oh." "Hello." "Hello, honey." "Fluffy." "Hello, Fluffy." "You must be so hungry." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Are you gonna get that?" "Oh, no, I'm gonna let the machine get it." "Hello?" "It's for you." "Hello." "Okay." "Bye-bye." "That was the hospital." "They say it's customary for friends and family to come down and give blood." "Let's go together." "You know what?" "I think maybe we should take your truck." " Oh, no, we ought to take Peter's car." "LUCY:" " Huh." "Okay." "You know where it's parked, don't you?" "Oh, yeah, I..." "Yeah." "(CAR BEEPS)" " Hmm." " Hmm." "Hey, we'll have to get your picture for the mantel." " Of me?" " No, of you and Peter." "I'm not that photogenic." "I doubt that." "All right, now, I want you to sit here and sip this or you'll get woozy." "When did you start seeing Peter?" "September 17th." " Three months." "That's quick." " You have no idea." " That's fast." "That's..." " NURSE:" "Miss." "I'm fine." "JACK:" "That's a fast engagement." "NURSE:" "Wait, I'm not finished." "I got it." "I got it." "I got it." "Oh." "What the hell's he got a TV for?" "He's in a coma for Chrissakes." "Ox." "You know, he might hear you." "Then get him a radio." "Maybe he'd like us to sing to him." "Maybe Lucy knows his favorite song." " Puff the Magic Dragon." " Dragon." "Dragon." "Which one of the Three Stooges was Peter's favorite?" " Curly." " Curly." "Ha!" " He's everybody's favorite." " Well, I like Shemp." " Favorite ice cream?" " Baskin-Robbins." " Favorite baseball team?" " Chicago." "Cubs or White Sox?" "What the heck is going on?" "Why are you asking her all these questions?" "Don't ask me." "Ask her boyfriend." "That isn't very funny, you know." "No, no." "Not this boyfriend." "Joe Fusco." "(SNORTS AND CHUCKLES)" "Joe Jr?" "Mmm-hmm." "That's right." "Mr. Joe Fusco, Jr." "He said that you were intimate." "Yeah, well, he also said he invented aluminum foil." "He's delusional." "He was very lucid when I talked to him." "Oh, dear." "Oh, dear." " Ma, are you okay?" " You see what you did?" "What did I do?" "You know, if she wanted to prove it, she'd prove it." "Peter has one testicle." " No way." " Way." "About a month ago, there was an accident, and he was playing basketball, and his friend had a pencil in his back pocket." "Ew." "Maybe, um..." "No." "SAUL:" "Oh, no." "JACK:" "Well, somebody's gotta look." "MARY:" "Don't look at me." " No." " Yeah, maybe, uh..." " OX:" "Listen, it's not my..." " Okay, I'm his mother." "Oh, Ma, ew." "Well, look at the bright side." "He's got more room in his Jockey shorts." "Ma." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" " Who is it?" " JOE JR:" "What gives?" " You stood me up." " For what?" " Our date." " What date?" "To the Ice Capades." "I had to eat your ticket." "I never said I would go on a date with you." " Yes, you did." " No, I didn't." " Did." " Didn't." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" " Who is it?" " SAUL:" "Lucy, it's Saul." " Oh, my God." " What, are you two-timing Joe Jr?" "LUCY:" "I'm not two-timing." "I never one-timed." " Hey, I'll fight the guy." " Hey." "Get in the closet." " Not a word." " JOE JR:" "Nice panties." "Hey." "I like boxer shorts, but I'll try these if..." " Sorry." " Have you got company?" "No, TV." "It's on next door." "Do you want some coffee or tea or something?" "No, no." "Not a thing." "Lucy, there's something you should know." "What?" "Well, the night you visited Peter, I was outside the door." "I know the truth." "Sorry." "You know, you don't have to worry, because I'm gonna tell them everything." "Don't tell them a thing." "You remember the day you said you'd never do anything to hurt the family?" " Yeah." " Well, since they met you, they figure they have Peter back." "Now, if you tell them the truth, you'll take him away again." "They need you, Lucy." "Just like you need them." "Now, look, I know you're a good girl." "And I know you'll do the right thing." " I don't know." " Yeah." "Yes, you will." "Oh, by the way, how did you know about the..." "Peter, with the one, uh..." "You know something?" "I don't wanna know." "LUCY:" "Bye." "JOE JR:" "Ooh!" "Oh, my God." "What are you..." "What?" " What are you doing?" " I slipped." " You're trying on my shoes?" " No." "When I fell, my foot went" " right into the shoe." " (KNOCKING ON DOOR)" " Who is it?" " JACK:" "It's me, Jack Callaghan." "Oh, my God, doesn't anybody use a phone anymore?" " I do." " I'm not talking about 900 numbers." "Who told?" "Hi." "So, more questions?" "No." "I have an engagement present for you." "You really shouldn't have." " I didn't." "It's from my parents." " Oh!" "It's furniture." "You want me to bring it up?" "Hey, was that Saul I saw leaving?" "(CLATTERING)" "What's that?" "Cat." "Big cat?" "I think you should bring it to..." "Bring it to Peter's apartment." " You don't know what it is." " Well, you know, anything would look nicer in Peter's apartment." "You know what?" "I'll come with you." " (THUMP) - (JOE JR." "GRUNTS)" "You know what?" "I think you parked too..." "You know, I think you parked too close to the other car." "I had to." "We gotta unload the furniture." "Ready for your surprise?" "Ta-da!" "Oh, that is great." "That is so great." " You like that?" " Yeah." "Too bad." "Ox bought you the love seat." "LUCY:" " Oh, I'm sorry." " Don't be." "I made this." " This?" "No, you didn't." " Shocking, isn't it?" " Can I sit in it?" " Rock out." "My God, this is perfect." "You should go into business or something." "Well, that gets tricky." "Oh, yeah, working with your dad and everything, right?" "The business used to be called Callaghan and Sons, and when Peter went off to law school, it became Callaghan and Son." "If I were to leave, it'll just be Callaghan." "Let's take a second here and unlock the doors..." "No, I got it, I got it." "See?" "Here we go." "Oh, this technique." "It's always very..." "A very modern technique." "DOORMAN:" "Excuse me, sir." "What apartment?" "57G." "Well, sir, I'm sorry, but guests have to be announced, you know?" "Well, I'm with her." "I'm helping her." " So?" " You don't know her?" "DOORMAN:" "No." "But I'm new here." "Oh, well, she's Peter Callaghan's fiancée in 57G." "Oh." "Oh, yeah." "They told me about her, sir." "She's scary." "Tell me about it." "(CREAKING)" "Be careful." "Maybe we should angle it a little bit." "I think it's wedged." "Why don't you step back for a little bit?" "I'm gonna try an old trick." "What's the trick?" "Push it really hard." "Okay." "Okay, okay, push." "JACK:" "I did." "Do you want me to help you now?" " All right, a little help would be good." " Okay." "Ready?" "One, two, three." "(GRUNTING)" "Ooh!" "I think the sofa should go right there." "Oh, no." "No, no, no." "Look at this." "Idiot has blocked me in." " But I told you not to park that close." " Aargh." "Hey, check the meter, see what time." "It's 6:00." "They can pretty much stay here all night if they wanted to." " All night, huh?" " Um..." "Good night." "You're just gonna leave me here with the truck?" "Basically, yeah." "Well, maybe I ought to walk you back." "Well, what for?" " For protection." " Oh, no, I'm fine." "I'm okay." "For me." "I don't wanna be here by myself." "This is Chicago." "JACK:" "You look cold." "LUCY:" "Hmm?" "JACK:" "You look cold." "LUCY:" "Probably because I am cold." "How about you?" "JACK:" "This jacket's reversible." "I'm wearing the warm side now." "LUCY: (CHUCKLING) Oh, I see." "JACK:" "You need a better coat." " This is my dad's." " Then he's probably freezing." "He passed away." " Sorry." " It's not your fault." "He passed away last year." "I don't even remember my mom, so..." "Well, what was he like?" "He was a lot like me." "Dark hair, flat chest." "What do you remember most about him?" "Oh, that." "Okay." "Well..." "He liked maps." "Yeah, I live by maps." "My truck's filled with them." "He used to hear of a place on the TV, we would pull out the atlas, we'd find where it was and we'd route out this, like, little way to get there." "If there was one place in the world where you'd go..." "Florence." "Italy?" "I haven't delivered any furniture to Florence yet," " but I'm told it's nice." " Yeah." "I take it you've never been there." "Well, you know, the L doesn't exactly make it all the way to Florence, so..." "Oh, but I do have..." "My passport." " You have your passport?" "With you?" " Yes, I do." "Yes, well, just in case I need to quickly leave the country." " You need to..." " Yeah, it's perfect." "It's great." "Oh, you're right." "You're not very photogenic at all." "Just joking." "There aren't any stamps in that." "Yeah, well, I haven't gone anywhere yet." "But, you know, I'm planning the trip to Florence really soon, so, you know, I'll go." "That'll make your dad very proud." "Yeah." "You know, in a very small way, you kind of remind me of him a little bit." "I see." "So he was a classy guy, always a gentleman." "A working man, who..." "Who just stepped in doggy poopy." "Oh!" "(LAUGHING)" "Now, that's classy." "That's classy." "JACK:" "All right, tell me more." "Where did you grow up?" "LUCY:" "God, you've just become Mr. Chatty this evening." "JACK:" "The fact is, I'm about to start shivering, and making conversation keeps my face from freezing." "Thank you." "I had a good time." " It's slippery here." "Come on." " I'm fine." "We got this far, I'll take you the rest of the way." "LUCY:" "You gotta watch out." "A little icy." "So you gonna go see Peter tomorrow?" "(GRUNTING)" " All right." " Do not take me with you." " No, it's all right." "Not too bad." " You got it?" "Good?" "Okay." "(GRUNTING AND LAUGHING)" "This is big." " There we go." "All right." " Okay." " All right?" " Yeah." "I think we're all right now." "Yeah." "Let's just move this way." "This way." " Whoa." "Ow." " Ow." "What was that?" "Oh." "Was that my pants or my muscles?" "Oh, give me your hand." "Give me your hand." " Whoa." " Okay." "Oh, man." "Do you have an extra pair of pants in your apartment?" "If you fit into my pants, I will kill myself." " You don't have to follow me." " No, you're blocking the wind." "(LAUGHING)" "I'll wait till you get inside." "Well, good night." "Night." " I'll see you when I see you?" " Yeah." "All right, Lucy, it's either me or him." "Him." "You don't have to answer right away." "I'm having an affair." "I like Jack." "Who's Jack?" " Peter's brother." " So?" " So he thinks I'm engaged." " To who?" "To Peter." "Lucy, I really don't have time for this." "Oh, no, no, no." "You have to tell me what to do." "Tell the truth." "If I tell Jack that I lied to his family, he will never speak to me again." "And Ox and Midge and Mary and Saul." "Saul?" "Who's Saul?" "He's the next-door neighbor." "But you know what?" "Actually, he knows." "Lucy, you're born into a family." "You do not join them like you do the Marines." "You have to tell me what to do." "Pull the plug." " You are sick." " I'm sick?" "You're cheating on a vegetable." "JACK:" "Down and dirty." "Are you gonna fold?" "You're not gonna fold?" "He is staying in with a pair." "Very impressive." "Very bold, confident." "Full house." "You are unlucky at cards." "But lucky in love." "Remember in, like, fifth or sixth grade," "I was starting to get really good at poker, and going home with lots of lunch money?" "I got to know the principal's office really well." "He always used to say to me," ""How come you can't be more like your brother Peter?"" "Well, you know what?" "I was all right with that." "I had no problems with that, because I was proud of you." "And I was never envious of anything that you had." "Until now." "I'll cut the deck." "High card gets Lucy." "All right, we'll go best out of three." "So, Lucy, have you and Peter decided where you're gonna go on your honeymoon?" "I went to Cuba." "Ricky Ricardo was Cuban." "Didn't Peter look great today?" "SAUL:" "Oh, that kid." "You know, he should've been an actor." "He's tall." "All the great ones were tall." "Lucy, you think you can find me a nice girl for Jack?" "Oh, Mom, come on." "Well, I really don't know Jack's type, so I'm not one to..." "I like blonds." "Chubby ones." "Alan Ladd wasn't tall." "Marshal Dillon was 6'5"." "MIDGE:" "Well, we all know who Lucy's type is." "These mashed potatoes are so creamy." "You like brunettes." "I could never make a good pot roast." "You need good beef." "Argentina has great beef." "Beef and Nazis." "John Wayne was tall." "Dustin Hoffman was 5'6"." "Would you wanna see Dustin Hoffman save the Alamo?" "MIDGE:" "These mashed potatoes are so creamy." "OX:" "Spain has good beef." "MIDGE:" "Mary mashed them." " SAUL:" "Cesar Romero was tall." " Cesar Romero was not Spanish." "I didn't say Cesar Romero was Spanish." "Well, what did you say?" "I said Cesar Romero was tall." "ELSIE:" "We all know he's tall." "SAUL:" "Well, that's what I said." "Cesar Romero was tall." "That's all I said." "LUCY:" "So if you need any help with history, don't call me." "Now, remember, honey, if you're free for New Year's, we wanna see you." " Thank you very much." " Yeah." " I had a great time." "Thank you." " Us, too." " Bye." " Bye-bye, Lucy." "Hey, look, you guys." "You're under the mistletoe." "Ooh!" " Kiss her then." "It's mistletoe." " SAUL:" "Yeah." " It's tradition." " JACK:" "It's Christmas." "Come on, idiot, kiss her." "SAUL:" "There you go." "OX:" "Oh, yeah." " Good night." " Bye." "ELSIE:" "Good night." "MIDGE:" "Mary, we're on dish detail tonight." " Let's go." "MARY:" " Ma." "MIDGE:" "I don't wanna hear any excuses." "SAUL:" "Since the first year, I remember." "MAN:" "Regular fare." "One token, please." "Oh, my God, Mary, what are you doing here?" "Hi." "You wanna come through?" " We can?" " Yeah, absolutely." "Come on in." "WOMAN:" "Transfer, please." "MARY:" " Hi." " Hi." "Hey, who's this?" " I'm Mary." "This is Beth." " Hi." "Mary's my, um..." "Lucy's going to marry my brother Peter." "CELESTE:" "What?" "Lucy, you're getting married?" "LUCY:" "Well, it hasn't really been announced." "So it's a little awkward for me to say anything, and, um..." " The train is here." " Train." "Okay, I'll see you later." "Thank you for coming." "It's nice to meet you, Beth." "Girl, are you pregnant?" "LUCY:" "Yes, I'm pregnant, Celeste." "Lucy, you're not telling me what's going on." "You're not giving me details." "What's going on?" "Celeste, you have to have sex in order to be pregnant." "But I thought you were engaged." "Well, we're waiting." "Waiting?" "(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)" "ASHLEY ON RECORDING:" "Peter?" "Hi, it's Ashley." "Is this machine working?" "Look, I'm back in Chicago and I'm kind of shocked that you haven't called me back." "Look, I really would like to hear from you, and I'd like to see my cat." "Call me." "New Year's Eve hasn't been the same since Guy Lombardo died." "SAUL:" "I love a clarinet." "You know, nobody plays the clarinet anymore." "Guy Lombardo didn't play the clarinet." "I didn't say Guy Lombardo played the clarinet." " Hey, Pop." " SAUL:" "Your Benny Goodman, he could play the licorice stick." " We got the Van Allan estate." " Hey, way to go." " Attaboy." " SAUL:" "That's great." "OX:" "That's great." "Attaboy." "MIDGE:" "Way to go." "Hey, everybody." "Lucy's pregnant." "How did you find out?" "What do you mean she's pregnant?" " How do you know?" " That's what Beth said." "Jack, do you know anything about this?" "OX:" "Go up to your room." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" " Who is it?" " Joe Jr." "I'm not here." "I know that trick." "Hey, my old man's got a set of keys." "That is illegal and you know it, Joey." "Ta-da!" "I told them to give me the same ones they use in the winner's circle at Arlington." "They're beautiful." "I can't accept them." "I could move in here." "I bet you Pop would knock 50 bucks off the rent." "I have six months left to live." "You're just trying to make me feel better." "It's that other guy, isn't it?" "What do you mean?" "I've seen the way you look at him." "What?" "How do I look at him?" "Like you just seen your first Trans Am." "Here, take them." "You can lay them on my coffin." "Thank you." "Are you wearing the black bra?" "I love black underwears." "LUCY:" "Jack." " Hi." " What are you doing here?" "Um, uh..." "You're going to a party." "Yeah, my friend Celeste is having a party tonight." "Great." "Hey, I'll drive you." "Oh, you know what?" "It's really not that far." "It's fine." "No, come on, come on." "Okay, but it's really not that far." "I move a lot of things with this truck." "LUCY:" "So is everything okay?" "JACK:" "Why?" "Why wouldn't it be okay?" "LUCY:" "You're just acting really weird." "JACK:" "No, I'm not being weird." "LUCY:" "Yes, you are." "JACK:" "No, I'm not being weird." " So, what about Peter?" " What about Peter?" "Peter is going to have a lot to deal with when he wakes up." " Lucy, hi." "How are you?" "LUCY:" " Hi." "Come in, come in." "Hey, everybody." "Lucy and her fiancé are here." "JERRY:" "Lucy." "How's it going?" "CELESTE:" "Jerry, you know Peter, right?" "Thank you." "Hi." "Take his coat, Cindy." " JERRY:" "Is this Peter?" " I gotta talk to you." "Well, jeez, he looks good." "That's not Peter, that's Jack." " Who's Jack again?" " Peter's brother." " Peter's the guy who's in the coma?" " Yeah." "So then why did you bring Jack?" "I didn't bring Jack." "He followed me here." " So Jack's the fiancé?" " No, Peter." "Peter doesn't even know you exist." " I know." " So Jack is Peter?" "Yeah." " Lucy." " Yeah?" "They have doctors for this kind of thing." "JACK:" "Hey." " That's spiked." " Thank God." " You shouldn't have any." " Why not?" "Because it's not good for the baby." "JACK:" "Wait a minute, will you?" "MAN 1:" "It's freezing." "MAN 2:" "Watch out, watch out." "This whole evening did not work out well at all, and..." "Oh, and I'm supposed to share some responsibility in that?" "No." "Would you slow down a little bit?" "Look, it was just a misunderstanding, and on top of the Joe Jr." "Thing..." "Excuse me?" "It's nothing." "No, no, no, there's no nothing now." "What Joe Jr." "Thing?" "The leaning thing." "The leaning thing?" " Yeah." " Okay." "What do you mean by the leaning..." "Because he gave me flowers?" "And then you leaned." " And then I leaned." " Yeah." "Okay." "How did I lean when I leaned?" " How were you leaning?" " Yeah." "It was a lot different than hugging." "Hugging's very different." "Hugging, that involves arms and hands, and leaning is whole bodies moving in like this." "Leaning involves wanting and accepting, leaning." "Hey, Luce." "Is this guy bothering you?" "No, no." "Are you sure?" "Because it looks like he's leaning." "Thank you." "See?" "JOE JR:" "I'll be right over here if you need me." "Okay, thank you very much." "I know karate." "Okay, is..." "Ahem!" "Now, all right, what about the other thing?" "The other thing?" "The other misunderstanding?" "Why did you think I was pregnant?" "Well, Mary said that she had heard something like that." "And you believed her?" "I didn't have any reason not to believe her." "So the only reason your brother would wanna marry someone like me is if I was pregnant, right?" "No, no." "Good night." "The fact is, you're not really Peter's type." "Yeah, Jack?" "All right." "Whose type am I?" " Thank you." " Look, it's a great idea, you and Peter." "It's just not obvious to the whole world, that's all." "You know what, Jack?" "I've had a really lousy Christmas." "You've just managed to kill my New Year's." "If you come back on Easter, you can burn down my apartment." " JACK:" "Hey, come on, Lucy." " What do you want from me, Jack?" "I want you not to be unhappy." "And what are you, the happiness guru, Jack?" "Are you happy?" "I don't remember you having had a conversation with your father." "You wanna leave the business, don't you?" "Is this just another miscommunication that we are having here?" "What do you know about my family?" "Spending a week with them does not make you an expert." "Spending a lifetime with them hasn't made you one either." "Yeah, well, I know that keeping your family happy gets complicated." "Would your father be happy knowing you're sitting in a token booth planning vacations that you aren't taking?" "No, he wouldn't." "You're right." "But you have no idea what it's like to be alone." "Hey, you have Peter." "I don't have anybody." "MAN 3:" "Happy New Year!" "MAN 4:" "Happy New Year!" "Good night." "MAN 5:" "Happy New Year!" "Happy New Year!" "(SINGING CAROL)" "Ox, they called me and told me to get down here." " What happened?" " He's awake." "Oh!" "(CHUCKLES)" "WOMAN ON PA:" "Will the Meyers family please meet in the solarium?" " Boy, will he be glad to see you." " Yeah." "RUBIN:" "Peter." "Peter." "Your family's here, Peter." "Who are you?" "My God." "He's got amnesia." "Lacunar amnesia is a condition in which memory loss is localized and patchy." "Limited to isolated events." " Selective amnesia?" " RUBIN:" "Okay, exactly." "Um, I'm sorry." "I need to tell you something that is really important." " I was never..." " Pregnant?" "Huh?" "We know." "Jack called us." "MIDGE:" " Jack." " Hey, so he's come out of it, huh?" "I'm so glad you're here, honey." "Excuse me, Doctor?" "He's up again." "All right, let's go." "ELSIE:" "Jack." "Oh, I'm so glad you're here." " Saul." " Now, now, listen." "Let me handle it." "I'm too old a friend and too old a person for them to kill." " I'll take care of it." " Okay." " And I'll do it right now." "Come on." " Okay." "SAUL:" "I'm right behind you." " How you feeling, champ?" " I don't know." "Hi." "Hey, remember her?" " Should I?" " Look closely." "PETER:" "She looks a little familiar." " Why?" " I think it's coming back." " I think so." " What's coming back?" "Tell me." " Tell me." "What?" " Peter, you have amnesia." "I do?" "Peter, you're engaged." " To who?" " To Lucy." "Lucy." "Who's Lucy?" "You don't remember, do you?" "Excuse me." "Got some Jell-O for you today." " Do I like Jell-O?" " Yum!" "I think he's had enough excitement for one evening." " Let's all go home." " Hang in there, champ." "MIDGE:" " Good night, honey." " Good night, Mom." " It's so good to see you." " Mom." "MIDGE:" "He looks so good, you know?" "OX:" "He's going to be fine." "MIDGE:" " I think he looked wonderful." " All right, we'll be back." "Jack, you, too." "Come on." "Let's go home." "Saul, where have you been?" "What?" "I'm not allowed to go to the bathroom?" " Saul." " I'm handling it." " I will tell them." " When?" "When?" "On my golden anniversary?" " Lucy, I'll tell them." "LUCY:" " You better tell them." "SAUL:" "I said I'd tell them." "(SINGING) A, B, C, D, E, F, G" "Jack, you've been really great this week." "Yeah, like when I accused you of lying to everybody." "Or when I accused you of having a relationship with Joe Jr." "Or when I thought you were pregnant, and I announced it to all your friends." "You've had a really busy week this week, haven't you?" "Look, Jack, I..." "Starting tomorrow, things are probably gonna be kind of different." "Yeah." "I just wanted you to know that you've become" "a really good friend." "Okay." "Good friend." " Lucy." " Yeah?" "I didn't mean what I said about you and Peter." "I think you two are gonna make a really terrific couple." "And I'm really glad that you won't be alone anymore." " Goodbye." " Bye." "(DOOR CLICKS)" "Jack?" "Is that you?" "Hey, Pop." " Brought you some donuts." " Oh, you're a savior." "Your mother's got me eating these fat-free bran muffins." "They taste like plywood." "Catching up?" "It's been almost a week since I read the obituaries." "You know, we missed a lot of good stuff the day after Christmas." "Been a hell of a week, hasn't it?" "Life is a pain in the ass." "I'll tell you." "You know, you work hard, try to provide for the family, and then for one minute, everything's good." "Everyone's well, everyone's happy." "In that one minute, you have peace." "Pop." "This isn't that minute." "What do you mean?" "Um..." "You remember that rocking chair I made for Grandma?" "Are you kidding me?" "It's so fancy, she won't even sit in it." "This fancy chair, two months ago, I sold three just like it." "I've sold two dining tables." "I got orders for six more." "Well, that's a good side business." "It's not a side business." "This is good business." "Wait a second." "You don't want my business?" "No, I don't." " How long have you felt this way?" " A long time." "Well, why didn't you say something sooner?" "I could have sold the whole damn thing to Uncle Eddy for twice its value." "I could have taken your mother on the cruise with Kathie Lee Gifford." "You're not mad at me?" "Are you nuts?" "You are nuts." "You wanna make rocking chairs." "Hey, Mrs. Fletcher finally went, huh?" "Her dining room alone has got to be worth 40 grand." "Yeah." "Those McMurphy boys, they were moving in before the deed was done." "That's their problem." "They're too pushy." " They're pushy, aren't they?" " We'll call them next week." "You call them next week." "That's right, I'll call them next week." "Yeah." " Do I get a donut?" " I'm sorry." "22, 10, 40." "Eighth-grade locker combination." "Birth date, 3-11-59." "You have to remember Lucy." "Social security number, 144-60-6894." "You love her." "You just don't remember." "Three-point-seven-three grade point average, Northwestern University." "Can I talk to Peter alone?" " Everything okay, Saul?" " Senior class president, 1981." "I just wanna talk to my godson." "MIDGE:" " Let me take that for you." " Thanks." "OX:" "We'll be back." "MIDGE:" "We'll see you later." " You sure, Saul?" " Yeah, yeah, sure." " OX:" "See you, son." " See you, Dad." "Peter, I've known you since you were born." "I've been to every major event in your life from Cub Scouts to..." "Well, to the day you discovered hair on your schmeckel." "You've got a good education." "You're very popular with all those friends of yours." "You make a nice living." "And everybody knows you're a good-looking kid." "But, Peter, you're a putz." "Excuse me?" "Now, look, I'm your godfather." "I mean, I love you." "I couldn't love you any more if you were my own son." "But the fact of the matter is you're..." "Well, you're a putz." "Is there a point to this?" "Lucy." "Peter, there's something you have to know about her." "You see, she..." "Well..." "Uh..." "She's..." "You know..." "She's not only your fiancée, she's your guardian angel." "Yeah." "Peter, she saved your life." "Now, she's coming to see you today, and I want you to do yourself a favor." "I want you to look deeply into her eyes and listen with the heart of a man who has just been given a second chance at life." "And after two minutes, if you're not madly in love with her, why, tell her you wanna break up." "And you can go back to being a putz." "But if in the two minutes, you see what the rest of us only took seconds to see, you will propose to her for the second time, and marry her before she has a chance to escape." "Before she comes, take a little time and think about what an old putz just told you." "All right?" "You know, if I was 40 years younger, I'd marry her myself." "That is, if she'd convert." " Hey, that's a joke." " Oh, I know." "Lucy." " Hi." " Hi." "Um..." "I came to bring you back your things." "Would you like a sandwich?" "No, no." "I'm okay, thanks." "Can I get you anything?" "I wish I had my own clothes." "Well, I like your blue pinstripe." " Double-breasted?" " Yeah." " That's my favorite." " Really?" "Yeah." "Please sit down." "I saw a picture of you when you saved the three squirrels." "They never call, they never write." "That was a long time ago." "Yeah, I guess we don't get to do many heroic things as an adult." "Oh, that's for sure." "You do, though." "Oh, no." "Jumping in front of that train was unusual." "I don't think I've done anything truly heroic my whole life." "I chased a purse snatcher once." "Well, that's something." "I pretended to pull a hamstring." "Well, most guys probably wouldn't have chased after him in the first place." "I mean, I work at the L. Believe me, I know." "You give up your seat every day in the train." "Well..." "That's not heroic." "It is to the person who sits in it." "And you always gave me something to look forward to every day, so..." "You know, you do remind me of someone." "It's probably you." "Excuse me." "Excuse me, ma'am." "What apartment?" " You're new." " Yes, ma'am." "What apartment?" "I'm going to Peter Callaghan's apartment." "And your name, please?" "Ashley Bartlett Bacon." "I am Peter's fiancée." "(CHUCKLING)" "You're not his fiancée." " Huh?" " Huh?" "Hey, looking good." "Yeah, well, they're moving me to the second floor." "Great." "Mind if I drove?" "No problem." "See you by the elevators." "All right." "Okay." "There we go." "It's a little drafty." "Here, I brought you some contraband." "Chocolate peanut butter." "Thanks." "Hey, Lucy's pretty terrific, isn't she?" " Oh, yeah." " We're engaged, you know." " Yeah, I heard that." " Mmm." "Now, this, I remember." "Everything is better." "Everything looks better, feels better." "Even this chocolate peanut butter tastes better." "Good." "It's fudge mint." "Whatever." "I'm reborn." "If you were a priest right now, I'd confess everything to you." "No, no, don't confess." "I'm trying to be positive right now." "Just eat your ice cream." "I don't know what my secretary sent Mom and Dad for Christmas." "It was a fruit basket." "Now, look, I don't wanna..." " I've never been faithful." " I'm gonna leave." "Remember the squirrels?" "Don't even say it." "First I knocked them out of their nest with a rock." "Peter." "Then I saved them." "Eh!" "Did you say any of this to Lucy?" "That was in the past." "I'm making a clean start with Lucy." "She is..." "She is..." "She..." "What is she?" "She's..." "I'd say that she gets under your skin as soon as you meet her." "She drives you so nuts, you don't know whether to hug her or just really arm-wrestle her." "She would go all the way to Europe just to get a stamp in her passport." "I don't know if that amounts to insanity or just being really, really likeable." "No, that's not it." "But she's gotta be really special." "She's gotta be." "And I can spend the rest of my life finding out why." "I don't have to know now, I don't have to know tomorrow." "I don't have to know in a year, or 10 years." "I don't have to..." "I don't have to have all the answers today, or..." "Maybe someday I'll have a clue, but it doesn't mean I can't make a lifetime commitment." "Does this make any sense?" "Not really, but that's common after a head injury." "My shoes." " Oh, hi." " What'd they say?" " Who?" " The Callaghans." "Are they inside?" "You missed them." "Well, what was their reaction to the news?" " I didn't tell them yet." " What do you mean, Saul?" " Now, what about Peter?" " Well, I didn't tell him either." "What?" "You said you were gonna handle this." " I'll handle it." " This is handling it?" " This is handling it." " Saul." " What?" " You're fired." "Fired?" " Sorry." " Pardon me." "Huh!" " Two, please." " Four, please." "WOMAN ON PA:" "Dr. Biloxi, Dr. Biloxi to ICU North." "Dr. Biloxi, Dr. Biloxi to ICU North." " Thanks." " NURSE:" "You're welcome." " PETER:" "Ashley." " Scumbag." "You're engaged?" "May I remind you that you proposed to me?" "You said no." "We broke up." "No, no." "I was confused." "We stepped back." "You moved to Portugal." "Yes, well, I didn't think you were going to run out and marry the first bimbo that you came across." "Lucy's not a bimbo." "Lucy?" "Lucy who?" "I don't remember." "Liar." "I don't remember proposing." "I was in a coma, I have amnesia." "Amnesia?" "Oh, well, now, that's rich." "All right, fine." "I want my stuff back." "Fine." " Then I want my stuff back." " What stuff?" "Your nose." "You can't take my nose back." "I paid for it." "Well, then here." "You paid for these, too." "Keep them." "I'm a changed man, Ashley." "Go ahead." "Go ahead and marry her, you one-balled bastard." "Holy buckets, Peter." "Moving on to greener pastures." "Yeah." "You got it, pal." "MAN:" "So we should come back later?" "WOMAN:" "Yes, the doctor..." " Lucy, they moved him." " They moved him?" "Come with me, downstairs." "Lucy." "What?" "Oh!" " Lucy." " Hi, Peter." "My God, you look really good." "I feel really good." "You know what?" "Facing death makes a man evaluate his life." "And I've been thinking about mine and haven't liked what I've seen." "I've seen a man who has courtside tickets to the Bulls, a lucrative investment portfolio." "An apartment on la rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré." " Where?" " Paris." "But I've also seen a man who has no one to trust, no one to wanna have a son with." "You were there when I needed someone the most." "You gave me a second chance at life." "It took a coma to wake me up." "My family loves you." "I might as well love you." "Lucy Eleanor Moderatz, will you marry me?" "NURSE:" "Wanda?" "Wanda, are you all right?" "Um..." "NURSE:" "Honey?" "Wanda?" "JOE JR:" "Your hair is looking very big tonight." "PHYLLIS:" "Why, thank you." "I love your new cologne." "Yeah, it's called Paris Guy." "It's from France." " Ooh, nice." " How you doing?" " Hey, are you going to see Lucy?" " Yeah." "She is the best-looking chick in this building." "Hey." "But you are the best-looking chick on the third floor." " Joe Jr." " Phyllis." "No?" "This one?" "This one?" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "I don't want any flowers from you," "I am not wearing black underwear, and I definitely do not wanna move in with you..." "Jack." "Well, I don't have any flowers," "I wouldn't mind seeing the black underwear, but under the circumstances, I don't think we should move in together." "(CHUCKLING)" " I thought you were Joe Jr." " I get that a lot." "Do you wanna come in?" " Yeah." " Yeah?" "Wow." "So that's the wedding dress, huh?" " Hmm?" " The wedding dress." "It works good as a tie, too." "Yeah." "I just wanted to give you this before all the presents started to pile up." "I was dropping off some furniture in Little Italy," "I look in a window, and..." "Florence." "Thank you." "It's really beautiful." "And I wanted to say that I think that" "Peter is a very lucky guy." "Thank you." "I had to say that because you're gonna be my sister-in-law." "Ha, ha, ha." "I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other then." " I'd better get going." " Yeah." "LUCY:" "Hey, Jack?" " Jack." " Yeah?" "Can you give me any reason why I shouldn't marry your brother?" "I can't." " What's this?" " It's a wedding invitation." "Wait a minute." "This is your wedding invitation." "So?" "Whom are we marrying?" "Jerry, Peter Callaghan." "The coma guy?" "Are you insane?" "Yes, Jerry, I'm insane." "Every day I go and I sit in a booth like a veal." "I work every holiday, I go home to a cat." "And now a rich and handsome man has asked me to marry him, and I have said yes." "Okay, okay, that makes me a raving, total lunatic." "The wedding is tomorrow, Lucy." "I know it's tomorrow, Jerry." "But I even wish it were yesterday." "That would mean that today that I would be on my honeymoon, that I would finally have a stamp in my passport, and that it would say Italy on it." "What happened with the other guy?" "He didn't want me." " Maybe she forgot." " A woman doesn't forget her wedding." "Maybe she's stuck in traffic." " This isn't..." "Does this look ridiculous?" " No, you look fine." " All right." "Well, you got the rings?" " Yeah, I got the rings." "What's the matter with you, Jack?" "You suck." "I suck or the outfit sucks?" "It's a toss-up." "MAN:" "What do you mean?" "(ORGAN PLAYING BRIDAL MARCH)" "ELSIE:" "Oh, here she is." "She's a little nervous." "ELSIE:" "She's lovely." "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join..." "I object." "Oh, gee." "I didn't get to that part yet." "I would have to object, too." "What about you?" " I'm thinking." " What the hell is going on?" "I am in love with your son." " I know." " Not that one." "That one." "Jack, what the hell did you do?" "He didn't do anything." "He didn't do anything." "It was me." "It was all me." "Elsie, how are you doing?" "You doing okay?" "Um..." "Do you remember that day at the hospital?" "Of course you remember that day at the hospital." "Well, there was a little mix-up." "I saw Peter get pushed onto the tracks, and I saved his life." "But when I got to the hospital, they wouldn't let me see him, so someone told the doctor that I was his fiancée." "Only, um..." "It's not true." "I was never engaged to Peter." "Why didn't you say something?" "Because I didn't know how to tell you." "We never even met until that day on the tracks." "It's just when we were in the hospital room, everything happened so fast, and I couldn't tell you the truth." "And then I didn't wanna tell you the truth, because the truth was that" "I fell in love with you." "You fell in love with me?" "No." "No." "Yes." "All of you." "I went from being all alone to being a fiancée, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister," "and a friend." "I might have saved your life on the tracks, but you know what?" "You really saved mine." "You allowed me to be a part of your family." "And I haven't had that in a really long time." "And I just didn't wanna let go of that." "So even though it was just for a little while," "I will love them always." "I'm very sorry." "Oh, um..." "And I'm very sorry about your carpet." "What about my carpet?" "Peter Callaghan is engaged to me." "I object to this wedding." "Get in line." "And I object to your objection." "Who's that?" "Ashley's husband." "You proposed to a married woman?" "Yes, and I was in a coma when my brother makes a play for my..." "Sort of my fiancée." "MIDGE:" "Peter, how could you do this?" "PETER:" "Listen, a deal is a deal." "MAN:" "You two are better off together." "MARY:" "Stop yelling." "ASHLEY:" "Hey." "SAUL:" "Hold on." "Hold on, just hold it right there." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Hey, Luce." "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry things didn't work out with that guy." "And, you know, right now, you should get in touch with the child within" "and explore your feminine side." "And, you know, don't start eating cookies and cake and stuff like that, because you'll blow up like my Aunt Roberta, you know?" "You deserve better than that." "So how are things going with Miss Third Floor?" "Pfft!" "She's... (CRYING)" " Oh, Joey, Joey." " She said that I..." "LUCY:" " What?" " Do you have any cookies?" "LUCY:" "No." "You know what?" " We can try on some of my shoes." " JOE JR:" "Okay." " Hey." "Last day, huh?" " Yeah." " I'm gonna miss you." " I'm gonna miss you." " Oh, we'll see each other." " You better." " Of course." " All right?" " Bye." " See you." "Lucy?" "I need to ask you a question." "ELSIE:" "Get down on your knee." "It's more romantic." "He's proposing." "Let him do it." "I am letting him do it." "Can I come in there, please?" "I can't." "Not without a token." "MIDGE:" "He just put the token in." "Really?" "I didn't notice." "Marry me?" "Yeah." "I love you." "I love you back." " That's nice." " I'm so happy." "LUCY:" "So I had planned to marry Peter, but I married Jack instead." "Thank goodness my father was right." "Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan." "But Jack, Jack gave me the perfect gift, a stamp in my passport." "He took me to Florence for our honeymoon." "I guess you might say he gave me the world." "Peter once asked me when it was that I fell in love with Jack." "And I told him," ""It was while you were sleeping.""