"[MUSIC PLAYING]" "I'm awfully glad we changed this to strip poker." "Do you mind?" "I'm concentrating on my hand." "Jeanne, you always make me concentrate on my hand." "Some boyfriend you are." "Are you going to let him talk to me like that?" "I'm not going to correct his grammar." "Hey, you're taking this the wrong way." "George is harmless." "Yeah, and you remember that lunatic that stalked you." "George isn't like that." "Jeanne, is Bill the only normal guy you've ever dated in America?" "I never dated a normal guy..." "Not here, not even in Holland." "Of course." "A normal guy would probably make you pay for something every once in a while." "You probably don't even know what money looks like." "Can we get back to the game?" "This is supposed to bring us together, not tear us apart." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "We all know from your poker face that you've got a good hand." "I've got a good hand." "When are you going to act like a man?" "Oh, you mean, when am I going to put you in your place, or when am I going to stop paying for everything?" "Love is not something you buy, Jeanne." "I feel like I have a prostitute, not a girlfriend." "Shut up, you fucking bitch." "I'm sorry." "But I'm going to excuse myself." "Until we can gamble peacefully." "Oh, god." "Bitch." "Use the bathroom downstairs." "I defiled the one up here." "To open the door is to die." "How many times do I have to tell you guys?" "Crap in your own house before you come here." "Don't even fart here." "George, why don't you do us all a favor and just stay away from the downstairs bathroom?" "Leave that one for the ladies." "Thanks." "I don't see what the big deal is." "Just pretend my shit stench is your shit stench." "Everybody has a self-fart tolerance." "How could I ever thank you?" "If it wasn't for you, I would be a goner." "Funny you should say that." "Most people tell me the ex-axe opposite." "Yeah, right." "I could just see someone saying, oh, because of you, I would be a goner." "Axe-tually, they don't say that out loud." "It's more like I can read their body language." "I can read body language too." "Is that an erection, or are you just happy to see me?" "I'm glad you axed that question." "In case you get confused, this is where my heart is." "Not here." "How do you put up with that guy?" "Love is blind, honey." "I would hate to be blind." "How could you tell if you're done wiping your ass?" "What did I tell you about shit talking?" "What?" "Who do we know who's blind?" "I'm not shit-talking about anybody." "That's not what I meant, you idiot." "Well, I'm tired of hearing that from you." "That's not what I meant." "Well, why don't you say what you mean?" "Talk straight." "Why all this innuendo?" "Well, if men could pick up on our signals, maybe we wouldn't need innuendo." "Yeah, that's why date rape happens." "What?" "In American culture, which is sexually repressed, there's no sexual dialogue between men and women." "That leads men to misinterpret a woman's non-verbal signals." "So the bottom line is, if you don't want a dick in your ass, talk straight." "Ooh!" "Well, on that note, I think I'm going to use the little boy's room." "BILL:" "What are you doing?" "I'm going to pretend I'm blind." "BILL:" "Why?" "So I can learn to appreciate what I have." "Duh." "I bet she said it because she wants us to stop fighting." "I bet she misses the toilet completely." "Maybe if I get some suds, we could make this into a bubble blood bath." "Oh, god damn it!" "Some guy took a piss while the seat was down." "I'm gonna go take a piss outside." "I bet you're axe-periencing axe-cruciating pain." "That's it." "Start twitching." "I really need to use the bathroom." "What's taking those two so long?" "They better not be crapping." "Oh, give them a break." "You just started enforcing that rule tonight." "George, the bathroom up here is free if you're brave enough to go in there." "No, thanks." "There's worse ways to die." "BILL:" "What about the self-fart tolerance?" "The self-fart tolerance disappears over time." "If you leave the bathroom and then come back, your own shit stench will overwhelm you." "I gotta urinate." "Don't peak." "There's such a thing as a lock on the door, you moron." "He meant don't peak at his cards." "Oh." "Oh, OK." "So now you mean that I'm the one who's supposed to learn how to communicate?" "Based on what you just said, yes." "You look hot." "But I have an idea that may make you look even hotter." "Want to try something new?" "Your hair is a little passe." "How about this?" "Ouch!" "That smarts." "How'd you like a nice bowel-over-the-head haircut?" "You know what?" "What?" "You're a real axe-hole." "[SCREAMING]" "Would you dykes come up for air?" "Some of us want to use the bathroom." "[SCREAMING]" "Oh, oh." "I'm sorry." "You must be Bill's friend." "He said you might be coming." "I guess you were busy doing stuff down here, getting ready for up there." "Axeactly." "So which ones having her period?" "I want to earn my red wings too." "Oh, so you'll be happy to be in a fearsome threesome?" "Sure." "What are you going to do?" "I'll be OK with just watching." "As long as you don't look at my dick, I'm game." "Axe-cellent." "Let's start with you first-fucking one of them." "Shall we?" "Don't tell me they're that loose." "I've got pretty big hands." "Don't worry about that." "I have a solution." "But first you have to put this on." "All right." "Well, I'm willing to do whatever it takes." "Oh, I get it." "You're gonna lube up my hand." "Yes, but first I must cut off the hand that feeds you." "[GROANING]" "Don't ever invite him back here again." "He doesn't even have the decency to go home to masturbate about me." "[KNOCKING]" "Oh." "Oh, that must be my friend." "Oh, that's just great." "Now I have to deal out another hand?" "I don't mean to be a bummer, but I think we should just call this a night." "I'm so glad you said that." "Yeah." "Strip poker is really not much fun with just the three of us, right?" "No." "I meant I was losing." "Oh." "Well, there's a short game we could play while we're waiting for everybody to get back." "It's a little more simple than you're used to." "You know how competitive I am." "I'll try anything." "GEORGE:" "Have you ever heard of a card game called 52-card pick up?" "No, I can't say that I have." "This is a game you learn by doing, not by reading rules or being explained something." "Are you ready?" "52 card... pick up." "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "I'm not gonna let the cops take you away from me." "We have to run." "Run like there's no tomorrow." "But if there is no tomorrow, there is no reason to go, but it is all over today." "That's right." "I'm so sorry for not being able to communicate effectively." "It's OK." "You have your whole life to know how." "Now, go downstairs and start the V8, while I'm gonna pack some stuff, so we can start our life as vigilantes." "OK." "Hurry up." "Because we don't know how long George is going to take to recover from the refractory stage of the sexual cycle." "I just have to wait for my penis to go through the refractory period of the sex cycle." "Then we can go for round number two." "We'll do it dead dog style." "Never forget the smell of that." "Like you left your calling card." "You can hide, but you can't run from Detective Fred." "Let's give the motor a break." "Us being on the run is romantic, don't you think?" "It's romantic now." "But I'm afraid it's going to wear off." "Any new experience wears off eventually." "That's why people break up." "That's so sad." "I can't imagine my life without you." "But I know it's going to happen one day." "That is, unless something new happens." "If you want something new, why don't you try paying for something for a change?" "I..." "I did see two people fitting that description." "I think I know where they were going." "Unlike you, I cannot tie it in a knot." "I'm going to use the restroom." "Public bathrooms are horrifying." "Good luck." "I don't want to squat." "I don't want to get a ticket for public urination." "If I get a ticket, the police has to run my license." "And then they're going to discover us." "You're right." "We have to dot our T's and cross our I's." "You have crazy customs in this country." "[FLATULENCE]" "Step out of the car, sir." "[RETCHING]" "So you're out here by yourself, expecting to see a meteor shower, huh?" "All right, wise ass." "You want to play games, we'll play games." "Take your clothes off." "I'm going to strip search you." "Don't bother with the jacket." "Just drop the pants." "Bet you won't be so smug when you got these on." "These are special." "I'm the only person on earth who has the key." "Oh, no!" "The sight of a full moon!" "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "They look like handcuff keys." "They might be useful in the future." "[RETCHING]" "Jeanne, you OK?" "Oh, Jeanne, I thought you didn't like shit!" "Put him into the toilet." "Send him back to the other world." "How?" "How do I do it?" "I don't know." "What does shit hate more than anything?" "I don't know." "Toilet paper?" "No, I was thinking more about your underwear." "As I recall, there's always a shit stain on your tighty-whitey." "Oh, that's right, because no matter how much I wipe thoroughly, there's always a stain." "It's like a shit-mata." "Come here, bastard." "[FLUSHING]" "What's wrong with you?" "If you give me a kiss right now, that would be the most romantic thing in your life!" "Yes, I know, but you're not in Holland anymore, Jeanne." "You have to follow the rules of America." "And what is the law?" "That you can't kiss the love of your life?" "No." "What we do behind closed doors is our own business." "But it's generally frowned upon to engage in public bathroom displays of affection." "It's like breastfeeding." "I don't understand that law." "In Holland, we are not allowed to have cannibals eating breasts either." "Then get off mine." "That was a close call." "Sure, it was." "We were in the bathroom." "But we didn't take a bath." "We took a Puerto Rican shower, which is just as good." "[KNOCKING]" "Whoa!" "This city's quarantined." "Turn back, or we'll open fire." "We're not staying." "We're just passing through." "How would you like a bullet to be passing through?" "Hey, we're on the same side." "We're Americans." "And how do I know that?" "There's just no telling friend from foe." "I say shoot them all, let God sort them out." "Hey, cut out that religious speech." "I'm an atheist." "You're in an American uniform." "You're representing this country." "Haven't you ever heard of separation of church and state?" "Ever hear of separation of head and neck?" "Stop." "We'll do whatever you want." "Sissy boy." "Next time you want to talk about what you're entitled to, why don't you serve your country first and earn those rights?" "No disrespect, Lieutenant, but I need to go that way." "Why is this city under quarantine?" "Our intelligence reports indicate that a terrorist attack is imminent." "The enemy is using some sort of chemical warfare this time, but as usual they are doing it in an unconventional way." "How about if you search us, and if you don't find any chemicals, you let us through?" "Step out of the car, ma'am." "You want me to step out of the car too?" "No, you'll service my partner while I..." "What do you mean I'll service your partner?" "Look, you want to be let through or not?" "Oh, I guess what's good for the goose is good for the gander." "Ooh, I'll be so good for the gander." "OK." "You know the rules of engagement." "Start taking your clothes off." "That goes for you too, butt buddy." "You don't have to take it all off." "Just unbuckle your pants, get down on all fours, and I'll take off your underwear with my mouth." "Get in the back seat." "On your back." "OK, sister." "Take your bra off." "Don't call me sister at a time like this." "COP:" "A time like what?" "You know, right before you rape me." "It's just degrading." "COP:" "As the saying goes, it's not rape if she's dead." "OK, OK." "You heard her say OK." "That means this is consensual." "Yes, sir." "You can count on me as a witness." "Bill, will you forgive me for cheating on you?" "Will this drive us apart?" "BILL:" "The only thing that's going to change is my political view." "What do you mean?" "I'm no longer in favor of having gays in the military." "Fuck." "Your pussy is dry." "How the hell am I going to stick my dick in there?" "We're fighting an oil war." "I'm probably the only soldier without petroleum." "Jelly, that is." "I know what would get me really wet, but I guess you don't like to go down on girls because you have issues with dominance." "You don't want to have oral sex because it may seem like an act of submission." "I don't mean to brag, but I can get to the center of your lollipop in under three licks." "What the hell is wrong?" "Pussy tastes like shit." "Oh, fuck." "This bitch shit out of her pussy." "Bill, don't just lay there like a dead log." "Get us out of here." "I can't believe I spent the whole day looking for lodging." "Time flies when it got wings." "Is that one of your cute references to your biological clock?" "I told you before we were on the run that I did not want to have a kid." "And now that we're after on the run," "I don't want to have one either." "Still." "I can't help it." "My biological clock is ticking." "Biological clock?" "Is that sort of like a cuckoo clock?" "When your body reaches a certain time, is a baby gonna fly out of you, like, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo?" "Just wait till your day of reckoning." "BILL:" "Stop with that religious talk." "I'm an atheist, remember?" "You can't be an atheist when you are having a church wedding." "Look, if we're going to make this relationship work, you have to accept me for what I really am." "You may buy into all this religious nonsense." "But to me, there's no difference between God and Godzilla." "Do you know why?" "Because they're both fictional characters." "Dumbo." "Oh, little baby." "Don't cry." "You know what?" "When I go out and buy supplies in town," "I'll buy you something extra." "Yeah." "I told you I was going to buy you something extra." " You bought me bugs?" " No." "If you can't tell by the surroundings," "I paid for a session with this fortune teller." "Oh, excuse me." "I forgot I left these here." "Please, forget that you ever saw them." "I never saw spiders like that before." "They have huge eyeballs." "Why do you have dead bugs on your table?" "I hope I don't offend you with my sick sense of humor." "Oh, no." "It's a pleasant change to meet somebody with a sense of humor." "How did I know you were going to say that?" "How did you know I'm going to say that?" "She's a misfortune teller." "But I didn't say anything misfortunate." "Well, neither did she." "So why do you have dead bugs on your table?" "There had better not be any bugs around here that are alive?" "Oh, please, my darling, don't be afraid." "There is only one living bug left here, and that is the one that I have right here." "Why do you have a baby bottle?" "Maybe it's my way of telling you..." "That we are going to have a baby!" "If you get pregnant, I'm insisting that you get an abortion." "No." "Abortion hurts God." "Your brain... you let your brain wash." "Grow up and smell the politics." "Religion is used to deceive people so they can be controlled." "Ooh!" "Well, my darling, let me give you this." "My very, very special birth control potion." "I will give it to you at no extra charge." "But you must promise that you will be one mile away from here before you drink it." "Thank you for that, but let me ask about my misfortune." "Do we have anything to fear from people in this city?" "If everything goes according to plan, it will be the other way around." "We have to split up." "That way, it's economical." "You get the food and other perishables, because you do dishes and stuff." "I'll get camping supplies." "We'll meet back here in a couple hours." "Boy, am I thirsty." "Hey, I'll have a liquid!" "Damn it!" "I forgot which one is which." "Oh, my god." "I've been growing so fast that my toes just broke off my body." "I can't believe we're stuck out here in the outskirts of this city." "How the hell are we supposed to rape and pillage out here in the wilderness?" "Don't use God's name like that." "Save that disrespect for the enemy's religion." "They think they're fighting the holy war." "Well, that's why our president has us over here fighting a crusade against them." "Where the fook do they get off using a word like holy anyway?" "We all know that's a Christian word." "Yeah, they sure have some stupid beliefs, like if they blow themselves up, they get to fook 100 virgins." "If I had to fook one of their women," "I'd want to blow myself up too." "There's a reason they have to cover their faces." "Yeah, if they wanted to terrorize us, why don't they just have their women take off their clothes?" "I don't see how an adult can believe in such a stupid religion." "Don't they see how silly their practices are?" "I guess not." "Hey, why don't you go down to the chaplain and have the chaplain bless some water for us?" "That way, when you bring it back, we can sprinkle it upon ourselves for protection." "While I'm at it, why don't I have him turn some bread into the body of Christ?" "It'll still look like bread, but I'll believe it's Christ anyway." "Man up, Mary." "We got work to do." "Gadzooks, the terror attack." "It's begun." "Oops!" "Timber!" "Our intelligence reports are 100% accurate." "Terrorists are using a chemical attack to make a crabby bitch 5,000 feet tall." "They're using our PMS against us." "Are you trying to tell me, our government knew about this attack and didn't do anything to stop it?" "Exactly, Mary." "We have to wait for a country to bomb us before we can rape and pillage them." "You mean like Pearl Harbor?" "Exactly." "How do you think our boys got to rape all those Hawaiians?" "I choose this city to receive my first sermon." "Jesus, it's you." "You came back." "This is the Second Coming of Jesus Christ!" "Oh, God, you're hot." "You may rise." "For in this new incarnation, I am Jesus of Nashville." "Now, can you lead me to a house of spirits?" "I can lead you, but I can't come in." "I only go to gay bard." "I love peanut butter sandwiches." "I love peanut butter sandwiches." "I love peanut butter sandwiches." "I love peanut butter sandwiches." "Hi." "I'm looking for some spirits." "Give me your strongest whiskey." "Our special today is an Allah-bama Slammer." "Are you sure you would not like that instead?" "Sure." "This looks familiar." "Why is every liquid in a container like this for you people?" "It is a celebration of Ramadan." "You can sing, let us behold it, Ram-a-dan-dan." "I like metal." "Do you by any chance have birth control potions, black market style, anywhere back there?" "It comes in a container like this." "I want to make sure somebody doesn't skip a dose." "I'm not really ready to have kids." "Can you put me up for the night?" "When in Rome, you do as the Romans do." "Cash only." "Would you like to join me in a last fight." "[CHATTER]" "Is that what's going on outside, the last fight?" "No, thank you." "I'm not into that gang mentality crap." "But good luck with that." "No!" "You must drink that at least one mile away from this location." "My fucking God." "Are you talking about me?" "This sure seems like a godless country, don't it?" "Yes, that is my complaint also." "That's what the Second Coming ain't gonna be such a fun party for everybody." "Some people will get thrown out of that party." "Well, if you are Jesus, they you lived once, correct?" "Well, duh." "And then you died and you came back, and appeared before your apostles, right?" "Are you reading out of the obvious book?" "Maybe you should read out of the obvious book!" "When you died and appeared to your apostles, that was your second coming." "So this would be your third coming." "Man, this prophecy is really going to shit." "I was really looking forward to bringing about the end of days." "[SHOUTING]" "So you see, our religion, not yours, will be credited for the end of days." "But the end was supposed to come with my second coming." "But you didn't do it the second time you came back." "This is your third time coming back." "So your privacy is unfulfilled, unless..." "Unless what?" "Unless you admit that your crucifixion was a hoax." "Admit that to the world." "Then it would be your second coming, you faggot!" "Well, prophecies sometimes have hidden meanings." "Maybe I could have a different kind of second coming." "[SHOUTING]" "We must do something quickly." "When he regains consciousness, he will use his miraculous powers against us." "May I ask who does your nails?" "[CHUCKLING]" "Do you know why girls like Jesus?" "Because he is hung like this." "You just wait and see." "I'll teach you never to cross me." "If you do not shut up, we will double cross you." "How do you do that?" "We build another cross, and we put it in front of him." "Haven't you ever heard that God hates fags?" "No." "You are the one that's being a homo." "Yes, homo is your name-o." "No, you're the fag." "You're the one who likes to tie guys up." "Look at me." "This is gay bondage, so you're the queer." "No." "You're the one with the nail shoved up his asshole, so you are the homosexual." "Come, let us join our brothers and share our victory." "See you later, Allah-gator." "In a while, infe-dile." "Aw, hubba-bubba." "Wow, she sure is sweet on the eyes." "Wait a minute." "I could reach her from here with my dick." "The power of Christ compels you." "The power of Christ compels you." "The power of Christ compels you." "That's it, baby." "You're gonna get it." "You're gonna get it." "Oh, yeah!" "Let's start with some foreplay." "Oh, no!" "Somebody's using sex as a weapon." "Ah, God damn it!" "My dick is getting soft because I'm losing all this blood." "I forgot that a stiffy is the result of penis getting gorged with blood." "So here I am, erected without an erection." "I wish I could save myself." "I may not be able to get myself off this cross, but I can still fly." "Nothing seems to be able to stop her." " Should I arm the missile?" " Yes." "And pray to God you don't miss." "When I said, pray to God that you don't miss," "I didn't mean pray that you don't miss God." "Jeanne, Jeanne!" "Oh, hi, little dick." "I've been looking for you." "Of course I have a little dick compared to your big, big pussy." "Oh, no!" "What am I gonna do?" "I don't want to be looking like this forever." "Don't worry, Jeanne." "I'll think of something." "Excuse me, sir." "Did you call a genie?" " Yeah." " Oh!" "Thank God you're still alive." "I would take you to the hospital, but the PMS monster has made the hospitals overcrowded." "So I'm going to have to take you back to my house and nurse you back to health, and then we'll have... oh no, wait a minute." "You're Jesus Christ." "Well, you know what, Mister, I don't like your policy of not allowing gays in the Church." "So you know what I'm going to do?" "While I'm nursing you back to health," "I'm going to take you in my bedroom, and I'm going to fuck you up the ass, and I'm going to make you queer, OK?" "And since you're going to be queer, you're not going to be allowed in your own church." "What do you think of that, fag?" "OK, and you know what?" "Ever since I got kicked out of church," "I fantasized about whenever I had the body of Christ in my mouth that I thought it was, like, really the body of Christ in my mouth, like, a special part of the body of Christ in my mouth." "But after I got kicked out, oh, it was terrible." "And now, I can fantasize no longer, because who needs bread and wine, OK, when I got the real thing." "So come with me, and I'll teach you the new ways." "I'll be your missionary, and we'll be in the missionary position." "Come on, suck boy, what do you think of that?" "Oh, yeah." "I'm gonna drag you." "Oh, keep moving." "Gotta move that back." "Come on, girls." "Let's do it." "Oh, let's take him home." "Let's take him back to the fairy promised land where there's going to be fairies and slides and willows and daffodils and bushes." "And no vagina anywhere." "There's just going to be a bunch of dicks hanging around and scrotums." "Instead of apples, there's going to be scrotums hanging off the trees, like apples." "And then we can pick them like the Forbidden Fruit." "But we're always going to be in the Garden of Eden, because we're going to be in the Garden of Eatin' Testicles." "And the only snake there's going to be, there's only going to be one snake, and that's going to be the snake in my pants, going up the tunnel of your ass." "Then I can take your snake and put it in your tunnel." "And then we all came back and called ourselves the Aristocrats." "Yay!" "It's OK." "We actually have a backup plan here." "We have to make an anti-hormone to stop her growth hormone." "How do we make a hormone?" "Put sand in her petroleum jelly." "How the fook did he get past the perimeter?" "Do my eyes deceive me, or does he have petroleum jelly all over his ass?" "I'm really starting to not like this don't ask, don't tell policy." "Yeah." "Wait, stop shooting at that giant bitch." "In case you haven't noticed, we already called the ceasefire." "Nothing seems to be stopping that giant PMS monster." "She may have PMS, but she's still my girlfriend." "Man, talk about opposites attracting." "I don't like opposites." "I like the same sex." "I didn't ask, so don't tell." "She wasn't always that big." "And coincidentally, the sand niggers are happy about it." "Can you explain that?" "So why are you calling them sand niggers?" "It's too insulting for living in the desert, where there's sand." "Oh, like there isn't sand in Africa?" "You're right." "That word should only be used for black people." "Well, they're tree niggers too." "Uh, water niggers?" "Sky niggers?" "Underground niggers?" "Fag." "I have a plan." "Arm me with a laser gun, and shoot me out of a cannon straight into her vagina." "I'll blast out of her pituitary gland." "No more growth hormone." "Wait, you want us to shoot you into her vagina?" "What the hell has just happened?" "Wow." "I never thought it would be like this." "You may be against abortion, but I'm not." "Time for some laser surgery." "MAN (ON SPEAKER):" "Attention, Monster Bitch." "Do not be afraid." "You're not in danger." "We have launched your boyfriend into your vagina." "He was just launched into my vagina?" "Well, as usual, I don't feel anything when he's inside me." "Hello there." "Is it true that you're a Jeanne?" "Yes, why?" "As you know, a genie is a spirit mentioned in the Koran." "It's an invisible being who appears in the human form to influence mankind." "Jeanne, do you have any commands for our Muslim people?" "OK, as a genie, I command all Muslims to blow themselves up." "You have a surprise waiting for you in the afterlife." "God will punish them all, and God will punish Allah too." "Yes." "Yes." "I will spread the word." "Can you just give birth to me already?" "Don't you think it's a little bit sad, you're not offering me any clothes to wear?" "What, I always wear a jacket." "It's part of my personality." "Ooh, the lingerie from the power game that I won." "You could wear this." "Keep it down." "If there's any men down here, they might want to have their way with me." "And I don't think you're in any shape to defend me." "[TRAIN WHISTLE]" "Is that a train I hear?" "What we're hearing is not any ordinary train." "That's the sound of the Underground Railroad." "Underground Railroad?" "Underground Railroad." "I thought that slavery was abolished, and there is no more runaway slaves anymore." "What about the ghost runaway slaves?" "It's not working." "See, your God isn't real." "God is real." "But for some reason, this spook isn't afraid of the cross." "That's because you probably have to stick it on his lawn first and then burn it." "Aha!" "Maybe this can take my mind off the pain I'm about to feel." "It's a good thing they're not racist." "That's right." "Only an escaped slave can navigate through these treacherous tunnels." "He's going to lead us to freedom!" "[FLATULENCE]" "Why do you always have to be so anti..." " Climactic?" " Climactic?" "That wasn't me." "Then who was it?" "I'm gonna find you." "I'm going to find you." "And when I do, you're gonna pay, you cunt!" "Son, are you sure everything you're telling me is the truth?" "Yes, Dad." "When I was coming home from school, some boys raped me in an alley." "Well, if you go up and take a shower, you won't feel dirty anymore." "That should straighten things out." "Thanks, Dad." "I sure hope this makes me feel better." "I feel such unbearable shame and guilt." "Just go ahead, Son." "Just go ahead." "MAN:" "No, Daddy!" "Don't!" "Don't!" "PRIEST:" "What do you wish to confess, my son?" "Father..." "Father, I can't even say that word anymore." "I've been a victim of incest." "PRIEST:" "What are you doing all the way over there?" "MAN:" "No!" "No!" "No!" "You're a brave young boy, son." "If more victims came forward, gay rape would disappear." "OK, let's go to the station." "Here, you better put these on." "MAN:" "No!" "Buddy, don't!" "No!" "No!" "My life!" "My life has been nothing but shit." "I'm glad that that Negro used voodoo-doo on the shit demon." "But our troubles aren't over." "There's a detective who's hot on our trail." "Wait." "The shit demon is under slave control now." "Let's get him to unleash the fury on our enemy." " The detective." " Yeah." "But how is he gonna track him down?" "Handcuff keys." "We still have the detective's set." "Oh!" "Why?" "We just came out of the sewer." "How did we end up in the house?" "That shit demon used a tidal wave to propel us blindingly fast through the sewer, far, far away from that detective who was stalking us." "If my sense of direction is accurate," "I would say we're in the South." "Still doesn't explain how we got inside the house instead of on the street." "Well, you know, this house is really old-looking, decrepit." "Based on the architecture, I would say that it was built during the Civil War." "To further venture a guess, I would say that they probably helped runaway slaves escape." "Oh, the sewer was once the Underground Railroad." "Do you think there's anybody here?" "Oh my God!" "She's been eviscerated." "What does that mean?" "Her intestines are spewing out of her abdominal cavity." "Those are not intestines." "Those are umbilical cords." "Maybe you just see what you want to see." "Get those thoughts of having a baby out of your thick belly." "Skull, skull." "Get them out of your skull." "I think we should go back to the sewer." "The killer might be still in the house." "No, no, no." "That spook sent us down South for a reason." "Let's just find a way out of here." "Just don't look at the grisly remains, and you'll be fine." "What do we do?" "I don't know." "The door upstairs is locked, and I bet he has the key." "All right." "I'll go and pick his pocket, while you go and get a weapon, in case he wakes up, OK?" "What have I been doing?" "As we were sneaking around here, I was eyeballing the place for a weapon." "Did I find any?" "No." "OK, be resourceful." "And use any object here, or any object in the resource place." "There's probably nothing here." "I'll go in the other one while you... good luck, baby." "Baby?" "Nunchucks?" "These insects are my latest experiment." "They have evolved to crave the human brain." "They found their way onto a person, found a fleshy spot." "Then using their razor-sharp mandibles tear a tunnel through your skin, till they find their way to your skull." " That's a lie." " Why do you say that?" "Because I'm a Christian, and I don't believe in evolution." "It's a lie that religious people don't believe in evolution, when in fact religion is a product of evolution." "The human brain has evolved a module that's primed us for religion." "It's called causal reasoning." "We have a logical story to explain cause and effect, things we encounter." "For instance, a cancer patient has a recovery, and has to ascribe it to a God answering his prayers, instead of just a lucky roll of the dice." "Another cognitive trick is called the theory of mind." "You might know it as empathy." "We have to put ourselves in other people's shoes, not to worry about how they feel but to figure out how to deal with them." "This is how we evolve strategies." "Now, a byproduct of this is that we cannot imagine ourselves without a mind, and this leads to a belief in life after dea..." "Are you listening to me?" "Well, since you're so interested in giving your hero a show, why don't we give him a show worth watching?" "[CHUCKLING]" "You're lactating!" "I'm gonna knock you out for this procedure." "I don't want your screams to break your mind, brother." "Baby, you'll still love me, even if I become an abomination?" "I'm trying to induce labor." "Can't miss the chance to harvest some stem cells." "This country is run by a theocracy, which makes it impossible for science to function as science unless it does so in secret." "I've never seen anything like this." "This baby looks like it was burned with laser beams." "No such thing possible." "I don't know why I have a maternal connection to that baby." "Oh, I can think of a reason why." "It's strange." "I have this feeling like telepathy between us, like Aqua Man does with fish." "You ever wonder why there's such a one way telepathy between the fish and Aqua Man?" "Why didn't they use that telepathy to make." "Aqua Man do things for them?" "Because fish aren't selfish." "But shellfish are fish." "Oh!" "Oh, no!" "It can't be!" "[SCREAMING]" "Your hands were not tied up?" "No!" "And you were just sitting there?" "He told me if I moved he would kill me." "And you listened to him?" "What does it matter I'm survived." "Why can't you look at the end result?" "If you keep thinking about the road not taken, you're gonna fall off the road you're on." "Oh, speaking of which." "What the hell are you doing?" "I'm going to put it out of my misery." "I mean, I'm gonna put it out of its misery." "Look how badly burned it is." "Burn." "It's a merciful act." "Mercy." "Lord have mercy." "Lord have mercy." "Lord have mercy." "I said, mercy." "That's one small step for mankind." "[SCREAMING]" "Come on in." "I got something nice and warm to put in your mouth." "I'm very flattered, but I don't do that." "I just made a nice warm cup of tea." "Now, how in the hell could you say no to that?" "I actually just had a cup of tea, and I know it's rude to overstay my welcome, but I have to go." "That's not rude, sugar." "What's rude is you won't drink my god damn tea." "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "You feeling anything yet?" "Yes, I'm feeling like I should get going." "Well, you know, you can spend the night." "Oh, no thanks." "I think I'll just sleep under the stars." "Under the stars?" "Yeah." "When you could have the warmth and comfort of my bed?" "Boy, if'n you was a train, you'd be a loco-motive." "Boy, what in tarnation are you doing?" "Son, you need to get your ass on out of here." "Me and him's about the have one of them there family arguments." "Why in the hell is you spending good money on store-bought milk, when you could have my cow any time you want?" "I just want to make sure my milk is not gay." "Now, how in the hell can milk be gay?" "The only way to be sure is to drink this here homo-genocide milk." "You interrupted my tea party." "So now you've got to take his place." "You got anything to say to that?" "Can I have some milk in my tea?" "Hey, you must be the folks that we're expecting." "Follow me." "We have to stop using our real names." "If there is a reward out for us, people may turn us in." "I don't think these people even have telephones." "Look where we are." "How the hell are they going to find out that we're fugitives from New Jersey?" "Jeb?" "Jeb?" "We's got some company." "What, are you raising a barn?" "Oh, yeah, you were." "How do you do?" "Or should I say, how do you don't?" "Or is it how don't you do?" "Ha!" "OK, y'all wait over there for a minute while I have a word with Jeb." "We need to get them folks to the sheriff for the reward." "Oh, yeah." "That's right." "OK, you take the feller and knock him out, and I'll get the heifer." "[SHOUTING]" "OK." "So what are we supposed to do again?" "We is gonna catch us some bats." "How are we going to do that?" "I'll learn you how to do it." "It's easy." "You take the sock ball, you throw it up in the air." "The bat's gonna think that it's a prey." "It's gonna swoop on in and grab it with its razor-sharp claws." "The weight of the sock ball brings it back down, and we've got ourselves a bat." "[SNICKERING]" "That's not how you throw it." "I heard that Yankees don't know how to throw, but this is ridiculous." "Oh." "Then why don't you show me how they do it in the South?" "It's like I said, you take the sock ball and you throw it up really high." "Uh-oh." "[SCREAMING]" "Hey boy, how come you didn't passed out?" "Look at all the moonshine you done drunk." "That's because I can drink you under the table." "Well, I'd rather have a girl drink me under the table." "But if you insist..." "No, no, no." "I didn't mean it that way." "Uh-uh." "Gotcha." "We don't need no table." "No, I didn't mean it that way either." "Partner." "Oh." "You meant not this." "You meant that." "Mmmm." "What?" "That's right, you'll be a catcher, even though I've done heard the Yankees ain't got any good pitchers." "You dang fool, does he look like he's on a baseball team?" "Oh, yeah." "Maybe after you fuck him in the ass, we could play some baseball." "And maybe he'll have an accident, like a ball hit him in the head." "Oh, a ball is gonna hit him all right." "Maybe two." "Serves you right for betraying me." "And inbred hick tried to kill me." "What are they up to?" "Whatever it is, we have to escape." "But how?" "They outnumber us." "Did anyone ever tell you, you got a pretty mouth." "Well, look what the bat dragged in." "Where's your catch?" "Listen up, Jeb." "I'm gonna haul both of them Yankees up out of here." "Yankee?" "That girl plays baseball?" "Them Northerners sure have some peculiar notions." "You know, letting girls play baseball." "Anyway, sure." "Better take care of it." "I'm plum tuckered out anyway." "Oh, Elaine, can I have a word with you?" "You made a big mistake, girl." "Who do you think you're fooling?" "Fooling?" "I'm not trying to fool anybody." "You put on them stranger's clothes, but that ain't gonna make none of us fantasize that you is a different person." "That is, unless you shaved down there." "Did you shave down there?" "BILL:" "Candy, before you take your mask ask, do you think we could fool around?" "Remember, we need to add something new to our sex life, so we can stay together forever." "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "We best be getting out of here." "I'm sure glad that we got away from those inbred people." "Yeah, I'm glad that you let me have sex with you with Elaine's face on." "It really enriched my sex life." "It felt like I had sex with a new woman." "You can be such an asshole sometimes." "Listen, you're not pregnant anymore." "You can't blame your pissy mood on your hormones." "What do you mean I'm not pregnant anymore?" "I don't know." "Why don't you ask yourself why you didn't tell me that you were pregnant anymore?" "Look, I know you are a jock, but you cannot blame your bad behavior on alcohol." "Alcohol doesn't change your personality." "No, but when my girlfriend tries to trap me in a relationship by having a kid, that can change my personality." "Help me." "I cannot kill a bug that big." "Wait." "What are the spider's natural enemies?" "Roach spray, birds, snakes, bats." "That's it, bats." "Bats?" "Are you nuts?" "Haven't you noticed there's a big size difference?" "You should be the last person who talks about sizes." "Bill, I'll cut you free." "I stole a knife from the hicks." "I'm cutting you loose." "Just don't fidget, otherwise I'll make a mistake, and your dick will be smaller." "All right." "This should be the last of the spider web." "Look, a mummy!" "Think of something." "We can't run away because you are drunk, and you will kill yourself." "Kill myself?" "Yeah, you will fall like a pigeon and impair yourself." "What makes you think I like to stick things up my ass?" "You think of something!" "And stop being a drama queen." "Wait!" "There's something in your pussy that we can use." "I left the laser gun up there." "I'm curious what the mummy looks like underneath." "What difference does it make how big his dick is?" "He's dead." "Thank you for taking that bandage off my mouth." "I can't talk like that." "Oh, you're welcome." "I was trying to warn you that you're going to trespass into zombie territory, just like I did." "And look what happened to me." "Zombie territory?" "Aw, don't listen to that hogwash." "Zombies." "Like zombies are real." "[GROANING]" "You see what happened?" "Another innocent lies dead." "Well, excuse me for living." "Yes, you are living, and death is all around us." "Murders follow you like bees to honey." "That's a laser gun." "So?" "When I was as tall as a skyscraper, there was smoke coming out of my pussy." "And there was the same smell of the mummy." "But..." "It's OK." " My pussy didn't hurt." " No, no." "It shouldn't." "I don't know what was that burning human flesh." "It wasn't mine." "Well, it was... you look nice." "It was yours and mine." "What kind of human flesh can be yours and mine?" "All right, I didn't want to tell you the truth because you lied to me." "You did it first." "I'm going to tell you everything that happened in your pussy, even though you didn't tell me everything that happened in your pussy." "Or actually, it's the uterus." "Is there a slang word for uterus?" "Oh!" "I should have just got rid of this asshole a long time ago." "I should have just killed him." "But it doesn't matter now because he's dead to me anyway." "Zom-bees!" "I can't rest here too long because they're right behind me." "What can I do to get myself out of this mess?" "I know!" "I heard that human eyes can see spider webs but I learned that bees cannot." "So let's hope this works and that zom-bees cannot either." "[COUGHING]" "Oh no." "I'm being stalked by the undead." "[CLICKING]" "Oh, the batteries must be dead." "And so am I!" "No, don't eat my brains zombie." "Please, please." "I'll lead you to other humans." "Just leave me." "Spare me alone." "Are you trying to tell me that you're choking, you zombie?" "All right, let me give you some mouth to mouth." "Right." "How could I possibly get air into your lungs if you've got something in your throat?" "Here, I know first aid and second aid." "One, two, three." "And now for some CPR." "I'm sorry that I hit you after you just tried to save my life, but I really don't like men." "It's nothing personal." "That's OK." "You see, I..." "I was in a long-term relationship, and it just ended." "Well, that's his loss." "What makes you think I like to stick things up my ass?" "Hey, there's no need to get vulgar." "Oh, I'm sorry." "It's the alcohol talking." "See, alcohol can change you into a different person." "Well, it can't make me hetero." "Why are you undressed like this?" "What happened?" "It started out to be a pretty normal day, you know." "I mean, I was having sex with my girlfriend." "[MOANING]" "Oh, that feels so good." "Hey, I saw a noose on the living room floor." "Is that a booby trap for a burglar or something?" "No." "This is the only booby trap." "The noose upstairs is because some girl was violated by a ventriloquist doll." "Ugh!" "Do you know what sexual preference she was?" "Well, if she was a lesbian, then that would have made the crime even more anus." "So, have they apprehended the suspect?" "No, I'm afraid not." "But the FBI files have evaluated him and concluded that he's a homophobe." "So if we show him how gay we are, we have nothing to fear." "Well, then, get cranking, sister." "[SCREAMING]" "That was good for me too." "Come here, you bad girl." "Oh my god!" "Your lips touched mine!" "Every man for himself." "[SCREAMING]" "I'll do anything you want, but please don't hurt me." "Do you mind if I put my hand right..." "Aren't ventriloquist dolls supposed to be funny?" "Maybe if I make you laugh, you'll change back to the way you're supposed to be." "I got a joke." "Here it goes." "Good thing you're not a cannibal, because if I asked you to eat me out, it would mean something else." "[SCREAMING]" "Oh!" "No, no." "No, no, no, no." "I don't have to take this." "I'm bigger than you!" "Oh, I thought she didn't use a dildo." "Oh, get me down!" "Get me down!" "Oh!" "Help!" "Get me down!" "Oh, my legs!" "[SCREAMING]" "Get me down!" "[SHOUTING]" "And anyway, so I was hopelessly choking." "And that's when I found you." "Thank God." "Oh my God!" "I'm gonna perform some miracles on you." "But for now, you just sit there and look pretty." "[MOANING]" "Been a long time since I've seen a woman." "Do unto yourself as you want others to do unto you." "Well, there's a dead doll in my house." "And a murderer too." "DOLL:" "Do you think he's gone to heaven?" "No." "I think he's gone to the other place." "And so will you if you try to kiss me to death." "All right." "Now I'll unfreeze you." "Because it's time for you to put the body of Christ in your mouth." "Wait, wait." "Is there any way we can make this capsides pass?" "Ooh, you are appealing to my sense of unfair play." "We'll play a game called Seek and Ye Shall Find." "And if I find you, you're gonna have to open up and let the juju in." "Get ready." "One, thou shall take the veins of the Lord's prick in your mouth." "Two, honor thy motherfucker." "Three, thou shall cover thy neighbor's wife in whipped cream." "And a partridge in a pear tree." "Open ye the path to salivation." "Thanks for the anti-anxiety drug." "Oh, Stanley, you're such a doll." "Ah!" "She gave me a snowball." "What is a snowball?" "It's the second coming." "First I came into your mouth, and then you came into my mouth." "Well, I guess I can usher in the end of days." "You see, you've fulfilled my prophecy when I fulfilled your mouth." "Now, as a parting gift, let me part your ass cheeks." "Hey, just think, you might be able to make a whole lot of money after this." "After I shoot my load into your ass, you can sell all the holy shit that comes out." "Some people might say that we're having sex from behind." "And behind is another word for backwards." "And if you spell God backwards, then you get the word dog." "That's why we're doing it doggystyle." "When I turn you around and fuck you in your pussy, we'll call it goddystyle." "A cursed creature." "I, to deform a monster." "So it is for you, turn from me in disgust." "I didn't form you." "When my magical cum hit the ground, it must have animated you." "[SCREAMING]" "He got his own things." "Does that means he's also gay?" "No." "I said I could fuck anything and be fruitful." "I didn't say I was a fruit." "Oh, I think the pill that lesbian gave me was a little too strong." "Oh, no!" "No, don't attack me." "Leave me alone, please." "Don't hurt me." "Oh, my god." "I'm in pain." "Oh, my nose!" "Oh, my nose!" "My beautiful nose is ruined." "Why is this guy talking to my dog?" "Oh, no." "It means I must be dead." "I know who you are." "You're Cerberus, the three-headed dog, the guardian of the underworld." "He's not saying anything normal." "I think he's crazy." "Take that, you beast." "Take that." "I need to call the mental asylum." "One of the cuckoo birds needs to go back into the claw." "I worship you, your royal dogginess." "I worship you, your royal dogginess." "But the asshole killed my baby." "Do unto yourself as you want others to do unto you." "OK." "I'll take him back." "If I can forgive Jesus for raping me," "I guess I can forgive Bill for infanticide." "But where can Bill be?" "I know!" "I can use my maternal instinct." "After all, I gave birth to him." "I pushed him out of my vagina." "Oh, no!" "It appears he went crazy from missing me so much." "Well, who can blame him?" "I mean, I am a rare find." "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "[SCREAMING]" "Don't use the Lord's name in vain." "Don't use the Lord's name in vain." "Don't use the Lord's name in vain!" "Don't use the Lord's name in vain." "Hi." "Have you seen my sister?" "She was supposed to pick me up an hour ago." "Hey, have you seen my sister?" "Bill." "I'm here to take you back." "Oh my god, they medicated you." "You look like a vegetable." "Hey, have you seen my sister?" "I've got to create a diversion so Bill can escape." "Hey, sister, want to play a game of billiards?" "Is there any table around here?" "Yeah, there's one right over there." "Which stick do you want?" "OK, listen, after this game, I'll be back." "And I've got to create a diversion to distract the guards, OK?" "And then if they chase you, then I'm gonna trip and show my beaver." "That chick over there is pretty hot." "Yeah, too bad she's not a patient here." "Nothing puts a female patient in the right mood like an accidental overdose of sedatives." "Your turn again." "Wait, wait." "What are you doing over there?" "The ball is over here, dumbbell." "All right." "I was just setting up my shot." "Psst." "Make a run for it." "I've got them under control." "Damn it." "He's so medicated, the only way to get him out of here if I carry him." "Are you gonna make your move or what?" "I'll make my move, all right." "Oh my fucking God." "Don't use the Lord's name in vain!" "My mind is clear again." "Everybody deserves a second coming." "So we're going to sleep in the vehicle?" "I guess we have to." "All my money is back in the asylum." "I'm gonna rent us a hotel room, and I'm gonna buy you a new suit." "Oh, how are you going to do that?" "Do you remember just before we left the apartment, right after you killed your friends, and I told you to go outside and wait till I pack some things?" "Yes." "Well, the things that I packed is lots and lots of money." "Ooh, show me." "Jeanne, that's Monopoly money." "All of my investments are gonna be legal." "Monopoly isn't legal." "Jeanne, this money can't even buy us love." "This is the pretend money we played in the poker game before it became strip poker." "I don't understand." "Jeanne, when friends play card games, it's a form of relaxation." "You don't really gamble." "Real money makes friendships end." "That's why we use pretend money." "Oh, well, you have to remember that I lived in Holland for a very long time." "And the money there looks very colorful, just like this Monopoly money." "Of course you don't know what American money looks like because I pay for everything." "Get the fook out, you whore." "You used me for my money." "Now that it's gone, so are you." "Get out, I say." "I'm going to find a girl who understands the concept of going Dutch." "Well, I guess it's my destiny to live out in the jungle." "After all, I am dressed like Tarzan." "Well, it's not much, but at least it's a roof over my head." "And on the third day, I shall rise from the grave." "Jesus Christ, you're a zombie." "All these years, you've been eating my body and drinking my blood, and now I get to do the same to you." "I'm gonna eat your body, and I'm gonna drink your blood." "Do you think you can give me a ride?" "If you eat me out, you can fuck me." " Eat you out down there?" " Mm-hmm." "[MOANING]" "Oh, God!" "Whoa, why didn't you tell me you were menstruating before I went down there?" "Don't tell you're afraid of a little blood." "On the contrary, I am attracted to blood." "Hello, there." "Do you want to take over my ugly duties while I concentrate on other areas?" "[GROWLING]" "I tried everything." "Nothing works." "I'm gonna crucify you with your legs spread wide open." "You're gonna know what it means when I say I've got the power to rise from the dead." "Oh, no!" "This won't work." "Zombies can't die from crucifixion." "You can crucify me all you want." "I can't die." "I am the way to eternal born life." "Holy shit!" "You broke my heart." "Now I'm gonna break your hiney." "That gypsy gave me a birth control potion." "Christians are against birth control because it hurts God." "I should have known you were not her roommate." "You're a vampire." "Fucking lesbian." "The power of Christ compels you." "The power of Christ compels you." "The power of Christ compels you." "Thanks for the sex toy." "Now the only time I let a man inside of me is when he's shaped like a dildo." "Ooh, I'm getting a rise out of it already." "I thought vampires were afraid of crosses." "I'm a vampire." "I love blood." "You show me a guy on the cross bleeding, it's like showing a kid a lollipop." "I should have known." "What kills a vampire?" "Wooden stake, everybody knows that." "Wooden stake, does it work or is it just a play on words?" "Lesbians... that's right." "Maybe wood, wooden stake." "Maybe it's not a stake at all." "Maybe it's just wood." "How would you like some wood?" "Yeah, that zipper is coming down." "The drawbridge is open." "I thought you said you had a wooden stake." "That looks like a wooden splinter." "Well, um, thanks for driving me home, but I don't really think there's anything else you can help me with today." "Back in my own house." "And I'm here to stay." "After all, why should I be running?" "I didn't kill anybody." "It is a strange feeling to be single again after all these years." "[FLATULENCE]" "Is there somebody here?" "Well, well, well." "Returning to the scene of the crime." "It's you." "There's only one answer." "I'm not in denial anymore." "You're never gonna get away with this?" "Get away with what?" "Everyone else expired while you were out dealing with the prick." "I'm gonna give you the baby you always wanted." "I don't want the baby from you." "I want a baby from my husband." "Husband?" "That's funny." "I thought I heard you saying you were single again after so many years." "That means you're not with that Bill-bo Fag-gins anymore." "Get ready for our love, baby." "This is definitely gonna be a planned pregnancy." "[PUNCHING NOISE]" "That's it." "Start twitching." "[GRUNTING]" "I knew his handcuff keys would be useful one day." "You know, I thought about what you said, about how everybody needs to come again or have a second chance." "How about a second chance at having a baby?" "Stop!" "[GUNFIRE]" "Or I'll shoot." "Are you two OK?" "The neighbors were complaining about that awful smell." "You mean the stench of the decomposing body?" "No, that shit stench." "We've explained to callers about something called the self-fart tolerance." "But because of numerous complaints, we figured it'd be worth an investigation." "That's why I've come." "It's a good thing your neighbors are so nosy." "Well, it's confirmed." "The fingerprints of the axe murderer match the fingerprints found in many, many, many crime scenes." "You're lucky to have survived." "I'm just sorry you have to live with the painful memory of all your friends being killed by that axe murderer." "I'm just glad that you got the guy who was responsible for this." "He was sick, wasn't he?" "Psychologists would say he's sick." "Me, I don't use that word to describe criminals." "When you say someone's sick, that means you feel sorry for them." "I don't feel sorry for criminals." "There is so much evil in the world." "Yes, but everyone gets his just desserts." "I strongly believe that." "We've been through a lot together." "We sure have." "And we learned so much about each other." "You remember when I told you that we're gonna be together forever?" "Yeah, something like that." "We just have to keep introducing new things to our relationship so we won't get stagnant?" "Yeah, stagnant." "Can I fuck you in the ass?" "I didn't know your clit was that big, and I don't want anything in my ass." "Well, I'll put the strap on." "Well, you don't have a strap on." " Well..." " Actually." "I can..." "To tell you the truth." "I can tie something on my waist." "Oh, dear." "I seem to have lost the banana." "Bananas are horrible creatures!" "But in Holland, the bananas aren't alive." "I guess everything is different in America." "Wait, I've got the body fluid of Christ." "I can bring him back to life." "[KNOCKING]" "I have a special package for you." "Wait, I'm not that stupid." "You're not holding any package." "And the president advised all citizens to be vigilant about terrorism." "And someone higher than the president has told me something else." "Who can be higher than the president?" "The genie." "She advised all Muslims to blow themselves up." "Wait, what are you doing?" "Stop doing that." "Are you listening?" "Stop." "What's that?" "Stop doing it." "Are you listening?" "What are you doing?" "Stop!" "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "It felt like I had sex with a new woman." "You can be such an asshole sometimes!" "Sorry." "Try not to be too excited that you're next to an actor and director." "Oh, for god's sake." "And a producer." "And a lunatic." "And a genius." "I can't do the face." "I just can't do the face." "I'm sorry." "MAN:" "Everything was perfect." "I can't do the face." "Can we just do the end, then." "No, it has to be all one thing." "Now she can feel me." "MAN:" "That was really good, though." "By the way, this light makes you look fatter." "No!" "Bill, watch your..." "You blew out the bulb too." "Uh, if you get pregnant, I'm going to insist that you fall down the stairs or have an abortion or something." " Abortion hurts God." " Oh!" "MAN:" "Why do you like the floor so much?" "Tell me you like my cologne." "I love your cologne." "And I love you." "Oh, dog breath!" "I was trying not to laugh." "I'm sorry." "Well, there's a..." "I'm sorry." "Oh my god, this is so funny." "MAN:" "It's a compliment to the script writer." "So uncomfortable." "Should I be moving or anything?" "Maybe bobbing up and down." " Oh, my god!" " I'm sorry." "It's just, you know, the joke was right there." "I couldn't help it." "See you later, Allah-gator." "That's all I could do." "MAN:" "What, do you got prostate cancer?" "It comes out in spurts." "And for the pudding, can I keep my panties on?" "MAN:" "No, but the camera will be from that way." "Oh." "But then are you going to close that door?" "MAN:" "We're going to close the door." "Yes, that would be kind of funny." "Like, neighbors got the..." "Yeah, exactly." "That's what I'm saying." "You're shooting from that way, I understand that." "MAN:" "Just tell them we're shooting a pudding commercial." "Wait." "If I may just give her some direction." "Keep going." "Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face." "If Brian tries to goose you while you're talking, is that all right?" "What line?" "Bill, no." "He's right." "Don't hurt my ass." "Hold on, let me take my wallet out." "You hit him with the fucking stick." "In the face!" "In the face, and he was all like, yeah, I'll do this." "I'll take care of this." "And then he hit the fucking tree." "[SCREAMING]" "What the..." "[SCREAMING]" "Oh, fuck you." "I don't mean to be a bummer, but I think we should just call this a night." "Under the stars?" "Yeah." "When you could be spending the night..." "You're putting salt in the fucking tea." "You play with your imaginary sticks," "I'll play with my imaginary stick." "Can you play with my imaginary stick?" "No." "Play with your own things." "Hey, why didn't you tell me you were menstruating me, before I went down..." "What?" "Menstru me?" "I'm like, what does that mean?" "I'm not... you're not doing it." "I'm not doing it." "Don't tell me I'm not menstruating." "Now, let's not be silly." "This is really good conditioner placenta." "Ooh, bloody, just like I like." "MAN:" "We're gonna be able to see everything." "Are you all right?" "I'm done talking with my accent." "Just remember, you're more like here, because I'm there." "Oh." "Spread on them." "Yeah, like that." "So let's see what that looks like." "MAN:" "OK, axe-tion." "Yeah."