"What happened up to now on:" "SPACE PILOT." "Look at the floor, it's a mess!" "Mr. Tichy..." "I'd appreciate more respect." " You're joking!" "I wanted an egg, and the problem started!" "The void has returned." "We're all gonna die." "It's the end of the universe." "But I've prepared a primeval soup... which needs to be shot through the cosmo-gigantic cannon into the void." "It worked, I saved the universe!" "What did you just say?" "You saved the universe?" "I did all the work!" "This is my assistant Mel." "You ruffian!" "You really know every corner of the universe?" "And..." " What's going on here?" "I had a stowaway!" "What're you doing under my sofa bed?" " I don't know what I am..." "What kind of individual." " Tarantoga treats him like a slave." "No one can tell me what planet I come from." "These plant-remains were on my feet when I came to Tarantoga." "It's the only clue to my heritage." "The worst thing was that I had no more eggs." "My stomach was grumbling!" "So I was on my way to the Egg Planet... at the other end of the galaxy!" "SPACE PILOT The Star Diaries" "Not this planet either..." "Freely produced by themes from the novel "Star diaries" by Stanislaw Lem" "Mr. Tichy, we're almost there." "The Egg Planet can't be far." "My belly's growling!" "My knees are turning to jelly!" "Didn't we agree I'd keep the kitchen clean and you'd tidy up the control room?" "Keep your eyes on the road!" "I live here too." "I'm not letting you out until you do what we agreed." "Ok, if that's what you want, I'll stick to my end of the deal." "Her kitchen..." "I'll never find my home planet." "APPEARANCE AND REALITY PART I" "Here you go." "Your kitchen... your problem!" "Hey, someone beamed some melted stuff to the kitchen." "Mr. Tichy, I'm gonna leave your rocket." "What?" " My journey is over." "It seems I have no home planet." "We haven't found a single clue to my heritage or my race." "According to the Encyclopedia..." "I don't even exist." "That's why I'm going back... to where I have a permanent place and a function... to Professor Tarantoga." "To that old couch fart?" "Let's make a deal." "From now on your function is to clean this room." "You get to stay and have the right to use the sleep-nest!" "No!" "Hello?" "Mr..." "Tichy?" "This Tarantoga was sneaky!" "If he got my name right... it meant he had a cat up his sleeve." "What do you want?" " Mr. Tichy, a very good day to you." "How are you doing?" "I just wanted to see if you were hungry?" "Send my regards to the pretty Mrs. Tichy..." "Why are you being so friendly nice?" "I have a spare egg." "I thought you might be interested, hm?" "Dr. Spamy could teleport it to you right away." "An egg?" "What do you want in return?" "What I want?" "My assistant Mel back!" "Dammit!" "This dumb-twit didn't know... that the Mel-fellow wanted to go back anyway." "I don't know." "Just one egg?" "Ok, two eggs." "Let me see..." "Alright, I'll do it!" "Two eggs to send the Mel-fellow back, ok?" "It's a deal!" "Then beam those two eggs to that Tootly!" "Tichy!" "A wonderful, green landscape... with nice people and lots of trees." "That's how I always imagined my home planet." "Listen, these plants and earth are proof that your planet is out there somewhere." "You came through the teleporter." "You had to get in somewhere!" "We'll find your planet!" "What's that?" " An egg!" "Melted into a blob?" " Our cosmic hero must have forgotten... not to put separate things into the same teleporter!" "Fair punishment for being so infinitely presumptuous!" "Only one egg?" "That lying cheat!" "Waiting for the water to boil, I tried, with the second teleporter... to separate my melted clothes." "On the other side of my kitchen..." "That really went well." "You're almost brilliant!" "You have a better idea?" "I came to say good-bye." " Mel?" "Something keeps drawing me back to Tarantoga." "I can't resist." "It seems I belong there." "But I would like to thank you for the exiting voyage to the..." "Egg Planet!" "What?" "I had just wrecked the Egg Planet!" "The void-hole was inside, and started wiping out the universe again!" "Eh, Tushly!" "Where's Mel?" "Dammit!" "Spamy beamed you the eggs." "You dumb-loser, don't know nothing about nothing." "The void-hole is back, it was hiding inside the Egg Planet!" "The void is back?" "Impossible!" "I shot a new evolution and legitimized the universe." "You can't even count to two... eggs." "I can too, you lousy crash pilot!" " One arm bandit!" "What?" "I won't allow a back-seat driver like you to speak to me like that!" "I gonna beam myself to your rocket and pick Mel up in person." "And punch you in the eye." "One arm will do!" "Where's that loudmouth hero?" " Professor!" "Mel!" "Pack your bags, you're coming to the institute with me, now!" "You deserved it." "You should treat Mel with more respect." "He's only human, after all." "What?" "The Professor!" "In my rocket!" "Put your dukes up, you big mouth." "I don't believe this." "I knew you were a lousy little cowar..." "It's bigger than I thought." "The universe is dissolving!" "Tarantoga and Tichy, such... show-offs!" "Come on." "Let's get back at them." "Two birds with one stone." "Off to Tarantoga!" "And now?" "We'll send this teleporter in that one to Tarantoga." "Otherwise, Tichy will keep beaming stuff back and forth in the rocket." "Who's the pants-pooper now, huh?" "What's this?" "A teleporter in a teleporter..." "A feedback or something?" "Where are you going?" " I wanna go home!" "The cosmos is ending, we don't have a solution." "Go fire your cannon, shoot some and primeval soup stuff into the void-hole." "That didn't do the trick last time, either!" "Ok, it's better than nothing!" "Where did he go?" "Hey, Tarantoga, where are you?" "Dr. Spamy?" "What happened to your ugly trunk-thing, huh?" "Where is that scaredy-rat Tarantoga?" " He jumped in there..." "What's that?" "Some kind of feedback..." "Tarantoga disappeared in there!" " What?" "Hello?" "Now I had a problem." "The Professor had disappeared... into a weird teleporter hole..." "So who was gonna shoot the cannon at the void-hole now?" "There was only one solution." " Hold this!" "I'm going down the wet-water-wall... to look for that jackass professor." "And you're gonna help me!" "You're gonna rope me down." "Mr. Tichy..." "Mel's a bit small for this job, maybe I should do it?" "You are now responsible for the rocket." "You are my substitute representative." "But only till I get back." "Got that?" "Sure." "All set to go?" " Yeah..." "Let do it!" "It doesn't seem to go far." "He's coming back soon... isn't he?" "Mel!" "Oh no!" "Mr. Tichy!" "Is this possible?" "Mel-Fellow!" " Mr. Tichy!" "Tarantoga!" " You have to save me!" "Please!" "The brave professor, huh?" "Welcome to my fun little vacation adventure!" "Ok, I'm a coward." "You win." "Just get me outta here!" "Getting eaten by animals is a totally new experience for me." "Happens to me all the time." "Let's take the back way out." "Trying to leave me behind, huh?" "I wanna hide behind my desk again." "Stop whining and tell us what you know about this place?" "Two teleporters coupling could've opened up a wormhole." "A wormy hole?" "A wormhole is a short cut through a dimension." "We could be anywhere!" "I think I know!" "What?" "We're being excreted!" "Oh no, I'm in charge..." "I'm in charge, I have to do something..." "Dr. Spamy?" "Miroslav, we need to take charge." "Prove our qualities!" "You have to shoot the cannon into the void!" "Miroslav, you like me, don't you?" "You want to earn recognition and respect, don't you?" "Alright." "Then go to the cannon." "Come on, Dr. Spamy..." "Do it!" "This is it!" "I'm home." "On my home planet!" "What did you just say?" "This earth... the type of plants... it all fits!" "It's proof that I'm home." "Hello!" "Now I remembered:" "When Mel was beamed to Tarantoga... he had that plant-stuff on his feet... and no memory of where he came from." "It can't possibly be Mel's planet." "It's just not." "Hello?" "Anybody home?" "Somebody like me?" "Hello, it's me!" "Mel!" "We don't have time for this." "The cosmos is being wiped out." "This planet as well." "Let's go!" "Nobody's there." "I'll walk behind you..." "Come on..." "Oh, how sweet!" "What's that?" "How disgusting!" "What's that?" "Go away." "Hello!" "Is anybody there?" "Who looks like me?" "Hello, I'm back!" "Well, Mel, it looks like no one's here." "I'm certain this is not your planet." "It is, I'm sure of it." "I've come to the end of my search, Professor." "I'll meet my people soon." "They're just hiding..." "Mel, that's ridiculous and you know it!" "Maybe they're just shy, like me!" "Dammit, Mel!" "You're never going to find your planet." "It doesn't exist." "What?" "How can you say that?" "You don't know that!" "Enough of this." "You belong with me at the Institute, and that's that!" "You may be right." "There's no one here." "Oh no!" "What is that?" "Don't even try hiding!" "Looks like this planet does have something to do with you." "It's not possible..." "This is not how I imagined it!" "Tell me what is going on here?" "What..." "Why is his name there?" "Where are we?" "You know something you're not telling me." "Okay..." "I admit it, I know exactly where this wormhole has led us." "Listen Mel, it's like this..." "I can't hold on with just one arm." "Professor!" " It's your fault, Mel!" "What is my fault?" "Mel-fellow!" "Not me!" "TO BE CONTINUED..." "What's this?"