"Previously on Nip/Tuck..." "Push!" "What do you want to do?" "I'm not going to walk away over dumb shit like D.N.A." "He's not your son, Christian." "He's mine." "What are you saying, James, that you're taking Wilber home with you?" "Yes." "I simply need the use of McNamara/Troy 3 nights a week, after hours." "No one would know about it." "We just don't belong together anymore." "You think she'll like it?" "I could get her the earrings to go with it." "Yeah." "Sure." "She can carry it in her barbie bling bling bag, along with her little mermaid tiara." "You know, Annie's only 12, dad." "Don't you think it's a little extravagant?" "I think she'll love it." "She'll look just like a princess in it." "You know, she is coming to see you, dad, not for all the loot." "I know." "But this is the first time we'll be opening presents without your mother and me together." "I want it to be special." " Listen, dad" " Hey, what do you think?" "For your mom." "I know it's sort of weird, but" "I'd like to get her something." "I mean it's Christmas, right?" "It just feels so strange, you know." "Her being in new york with Erica and not with us." "It's her." "Your mother's got a sixth sense." "Especially when it comes to buying her presents." "Hey." "Mattie and I are just picking up a few things for Connor and Annie." "Oh?" "She see a doctor?" "Did he prescribe" "Good." "That should clear it up in a week or so." "Kiss her for me, ok?" "And Connor." "Tell them their presents are coming by reindeer express." "Ok." "Strep." "What are you gonna do?" "Looks like it's just you, me, and Kimber, bud." "Listen, dad, I'm sorry." "I should have told you sooner." "Kimber and I are going on a free wind Scientology cruise for 5 days." "We're not gonna be here." "Well, you should have told me, Matt." "I was really counting on a family-- or what's left of it being together." "I know." "It's just-- you know, I got my new family now." "And it's really important to Kimber." "It's a chance for her to advance to the next level." "And you know, I can't not go." "Don't worry about it." "We'll celebrate when you get back." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Why don't we grab a cappuccino or something at the bar?" "Gotta get home." " Jesus!" " I know." "It's my night to make dinner." "Come on." "Merry christmas, dad." "Can I get another?" "A dollar?" "That the best you can do?" "Come on, man. 'Tis the season." "You know what?" "You're a healthy white dude whose industrious enough to appropriate a salvation army bucket during peak season." "So you know what I think, a dollar is more than generous, ok?" "Don't be so sensitive." "I just have to do my major fundraising this time of year." "My name is Reefer." "Aw, it's not what you think." "I was a surfer when I was young and the name just sort of stuck for other reasons." "I knew something smelled like my old dorm room." "Jesus!" "Hey, man, I didn't steal this bucket!" "I found it!" "Right!" "Next to a woman in a bonnet ringing a bell?" "You stay sober, Reefer, and who knows, maybe Santa will bring you a job for Christmas." " I got your job here." " Oh, yeah." "Asshole!" "Crystal. $250 each." "No 2 are alike." "My sister and I used to make our own decorations." "Popcorn." "Cotton balls for snow." "Sometimes we'd take the tops off aluminum cans and punch holes through them so the light could shine through." "From cans to crystals." "You've come quite a long way, baby." "I know." "But I sort of miss making something from nothing, you know?" "And the tree, we would wait till the last minute to pick up the bargain leftover." "Sometimes the branches were half dead, but at least it was real." "So is this." "I see we're getting an early start on the festivities." "Are these the same ornaments from last year?" "A slight upgrade, my friend." "It's a harbinger of things to come." "I just got an 8-footer this year for Annie." "She's got strep, can't come." "Hey!" "Why don't you guys stop by?" "Wouldn't be christmas eve without Christian Troy's famous malt cider." "We can't." "We're going to St. Petersburg." "Christian booked a room at the grand hotel." "Impulse travel." "We're gonna spend a white Christmas somewhere we've never been." "Wow!" "Some impulse." "Can I come?" "Kidding." "Impulse response." "Really, that's great." "You guys deserve it." "Give my best to putin." "Hey, Sean." "Sean, wait up a sec." "I need to give you my 10:30 consult." "It's a little, kind of, provocative for me at this point in time." "Just consider it an early christmas present." "Oh, and by the way, there's a gift for you from Diana Lubey." "It's on your desk." "One special gidt deserves another." "Diana Lubey." "Mrs. Hickock, tell me..." "What don't you like about yourself?" "I'm a frigid bitch, according to Hickey." "Hickey's your husband, I presume." "Yeah." "Well, Hickey's his pet name." "It was either Hickey or cock, usually followed by sucker." "We're getting divorced." "Sorry." "Some?" "So, Hickey was unable to satisfy you?" "It's not that I don't like sex." "I enjoy sex." "It's just that I rarely could go over the waterfall, if you know what I mean." "So for Christmas this year," "I've decided to ask Santa for a killer orgasm." "And a new wardrobe." "I see." "Well, since I'm not a couturier," "I assume you're here for a g-spot amplification?" "If that's were you inject restylane into my cooch and I come like a house on fire, then yeah." "Ha ha." "Yes." "Just because my marriage is over doesn't mean my life is." " That's a very healthy attitude." " Thank you." "I'm going through a divorce myself." "And the holidays..." "Well, so far they sort of... suck ass." "Well, see, we've got to be proactive." "'Tis the season to stop thinking of others." "We've got to start thinking about ourselves." "For instance, what are you gonna get yourself this holiday season?" "New suit, perhaps?" "Something a little less brown, maybe?" "Sorry, I'm just rambling." "Guess I'm nervous." "Needles." "It's actually an easy out-patient procedure." "The whole thing takes 20 minutes, once we zero in on our target." "The g-spot is actually a web of nerve endings and blood vessels" "located on the interior wall of the vagina." "It could be tricky to find if you're not used to it." "Sometimes you need a helping hand." "Somewhere beneath the urethra, extending to the cervix." "Now, let me know when you feel a tingling sensation." "Ok." "You know, you'd look really great in Versace." "Oh, thank you." "There's a spongy area, gets engorged during arousal." "It feels like a little red bean." "The injection swells it." "Makes it easier to find." "Just do me a favor." "No more Brooks brothers, ok?" "You know, you're a young good-looking guy." "Don't draw all the life out of you." "So do I-- we got to stop living for assholes who don't care anything about us." "We got to start taking care of ourselves and making ourselves happy." "Listen, you know what?" "Hey, we're they only ones who can do it." "Do it!" "Do it!" "oh, do it!" "Do it!" "Oh, daddy, do it!" "Ja." "Ja" "La." "Ja. ooh." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry to interrupt." "I knocked, but you didn't, uh..." "Oh, it's fine." "I was just" " Uh, what can I do for you?" " I'm Wendell Sutherland." "You knew my father, James." "Of course." "Of course." "Yeah." "Come in." "How's your father?" "My parents were both killed in a car accident 2 weeks ago on their way back from church." "I'm so sorry." "What about Wilber" " I mean, Gabriel?" "He's fine." "And it's still Wilber." "My brother wouldn't answer to anything else, so they gave up." "Said they didn't want to confuse him." "If you ask me, the kid's got a stubborn streak." "My father named you legal guardian in his will." "Wow, it just" "I'm just a little stunned." "Why didn't he give him to you or your brother?" "It was hard on us when my father brought Wilber home." "My mother never really got over it." "His betrayal." "It suddenly changed everything, having this baby in the family." "As for me and my brother, we're both in no position right now." "We have our own futures to think about." "My father always talked about how much you loved him." "I did." "I do." "This is a lot to absorb." "What about his mother?" "My father was very adamant that she have as little to do with Wilber as possible." "He made that very clear in his will." "It's just..." "I'm getting married." "Hey, I get it." "Life changes, huh?" "If anyone's at fault, it's my father." "He should have let you take him off our hands when you offered to." "Congratulations on your wedding." "Wait..." "I haven't said no yet." "What will happen to him if I don't take him?" "The church will find him a good home." "They're actually the best foster agency in the state." "Damn!" "Look who just stepped off the pages of Gentlemen's Quarterly." " What is that shit, Valenteno?" " Gucci." "I bet that run you what, 2-- 3,000, eh?" "All right." "I get your point." "Ha ha, jeez." "Here's a 5, ok?" "Doc, when a man can afford to look that good, it is a sin to walk around in anything less." "Now, what did you do with all that Brooks Brothers shit?" "Forget it." "We both know if I give you a suit, you'll sell it for a week's supply of Jack." "Hey, asshole!" "You think Jesus loves you more just 'cause you got money?" "No." "You think jesus loves you more because you don't?" "If you want to believe there's virtue in your poverty, that's fine." "But don't accuse me of being an asshole because I'm rich." "I'm not gonna apologize for it." "I earned it, ok?" "If it weren't for a lifetime of hard work and sacrifice," "I wouldn't be where I am today!" "It's all right, doc." "Clothes don't make the man, anymore than this does." "Pain is pain, right?" "Who says I'm in pain?" "Man, I'm drunk, not blind." "I'm sorry, Christian, but I can't." "I just finished taking care of someone." "I didn't expect to be changing diapers again so soon." "That's life, michelle." "Shit happens." "Unexpected shit." "Sometimes you just got to go with it." "At least with Burt, I owed it to him." "But this isn't my child, Christian." "It isn't even yours." "He felt like mine when he was with me." "I never even thought about it." "What about his mother?" "Why can't she take care of him?" "His parents wanted what was best for Wilber." "If I don't take him, he'll go to a foster home." "I've been there." "I know what that's like." "I'm not gonna let that happen to him." " So you'd take him over me?" " I want you both." "But if you had to make a choice?" "Remember when I asked you to marry me?" "And you said why don't we move together first, see how it goes, see if it's right." "Well, why don't you just see how it goes?" "Meet him." "Hug him." "If it doesn't feel right, we'll talk about it then." "We have a problem." "Any idea why Escobar Gallardo would be sending you a ham as a Christmas present?" "Not a clue." "Because he wants to slaughter us like pigs." "It must be some kind of twisted practical joke." "I'm just relieved it's not a bomb." "You were right to call the F.B.I." "He's obviously trying to maintain contact with you." "Can you think of any reason why?" " I can't." "Sorry." "You?" " Nope." "Just when I was starting to sleep through the night again." "We'll be installing surveillance cameras on the premises." "I'll also be assigning agents to the periphery of the building." "They're pretty good about being as obtrusive as possible." "That would be wonderful." "I can't tell you how much safer I feel." "Good." "If you notice anything else suspicious," " don't hesitate." " Thank you." "Yes." "We appreciate all your help and..." " Thank you." " Thank you." "Oh!" "Whew!" "That's a really nice suit." "Gucci?" "That's tight." "Did you know that a dog chases his tail when he finds himself in a dilemma he can't resolve?" "You can't stay here anymore, James." "It's pointless behavior, of course." "They just can't help themselves." "Just have to keep trying." " You have to listen to me." " Or?" "Or what?" "Tell the authorities?" "I don't think so." "You have way too much to lose." "Why don't you just put up with this tiny inconvenience till I fill my Christmas quota?" "Christmas is going to have to come early this year, James." "McNamara/Troy's now under F.B.I. surveillance 24 hours a day." "There's agents outside the entrance until they set the cameras up." "So stay as long as you'd like, just make sure they get your good side." "Michelle!" "Thanks for warning me." "That was generous of you." "I would like to think that" "your decision to tell me indicated that you still have some" " warm feelings for me." " Think whatever you'd like." "You'd just be chasing your tail." "Thank God you're not finished yet." " Hey, doll." " Hey." "Poppy asked if she could be here." "He's one of her closest friends." "He's my neighbor for like 10 years." "The sweetest guy, too." "Oh, God, look at that." "Is he gonna be able to walk?" "Oh, it'll take some time to heal, but once we've debride the necrotic skin and the pieces of melted boot." "Sucks." "Guy was playing Santa Claus for his kids like he does every year, except this time his ex incinerates him coming down the chimney." "Maybe he should have called first." "He did." "They're in the middle of a divorce, so Donny comes right on time, straight into a lit yule log." "That bitch pretends she forgot he was coming." "Can we get a little saline here?" "Now everyone's so screwed, too." "He played Santa at our water pair breast cancer fundraiser last year, and he was amazing." "I mean, the kids were just all over him." "You know, they loved him." "And he was on a high for like months afterwards." "All that lovin' coming to Santa." "Hey, Sean, what are you doing Christmas eve?" "Well, that's really sweet of you to ask, Poppy." "Actually, I've got this beautiful tree" "No, I was just thinking, maybe you could play Santa." "You know, take some pictures, have some kids sit on your lap." " You would be so cute." " Maybe some other time." "It's not exactly what I had in mind." "Ok, whatever, Mr. Scrooge. you enjoy your little pity party." "Sorry I'm late." "What is this, the dynamic dyke duo?" "This is one of Poppy's closest friends." "Oh, come on, Lizzie." "Even lesbians can enjoy a little levity at Christmas." "Well, you look like you got enough to go around for everyone, huh?" "I am rejoicing." "For unto us a child hath been born." "Did I miss something?" "You don't even believe in God." "I do now." "Guess what." "I inherited Wilber." "I know, I know." "It's a long story." "I will explain later." "But my son is back." "Isn't that cool?" " Think he'll remember me?" " Well, he was very young, Christian." "Yeah, of course, you're right." "It's ridiculous." "He won't remember me." "But you never know, he might." "Anyway, listen." "I got to be out of here by 3:00 because" "I've got to go to the lawyer's office and make this whole thing legal." "I am not letting anybody take him away from me this time." "Go." "What are you doing standing here?" "You're sure?" "I owe you one." "That kid is going to need a shitload of therapy." "Fine, I'll do the mall thing." "Get me a new pair of boots, and I'm in." "Santa could use a little lovin'." "I don't think that you understand the gravity of the situation you put me in." "Maybe you're just getting used to a completely new set of sensations." "It's like living on a roller coaster." "First couple of times, yeah, thrilling." "After a while, you just have to get off." "Oh, shit." "Oh, God." "Ohh." "Oh, goddamn vibrate!" "Oh, getting off doesn't seem to be a problem anymore." "Are you drunk?" "No, of course not." "Yeah, you were drunk when you gave me that shot, weren't you?" " I knew I smelled it on you." " Don't be ridiculous." "Look," "I'll give you some hyileronideft to decrease the pressure." "And this is just not a problem." "Mrs. Hickock, I'm Dr. Troy." "I believe you're unhappy with your g-spot amplification." "Yeah, I'm unhappy." "Because of dr." "Mcnamara's drinking problem, it is not safe for me to drive a car or use my clothes dryer or, oh, my god, show my face in spin class again." "I'm sure that Dr. McNamara would never operate under the influence of alcohol." "Absolutely not." "However, we would like to make sure that you're satisfied." "I mean, pleased." "I'd like to reverse the procedure and off you some complimentary botox." "This whole thing would be history in a matter of moments." "Fine." "Whatever." "Just..." "Do what you have to do." "I've had enough orgasms for one lifetime." "And 2 vaginas." "You're just lucky it's Christmas." "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "Mmm." "You want to lose your license?" "No." "Then again, I didn't want to lose my family either, but here I am." "This seems to be the only friend I can count on for comfort." "I didn't realize you were in such a bad state." "Because you live in a remote little country called Christianland." "I would have been there for you." "You just lost your wife and kids," "I wouldn't be flying to Moscow with my fiancee over christmas on an impulse." "We're not going anymore." "We're staying put with Wilber." "Look, it's all so new, you know." "We need to stay together as a family, to bond." " You know what it's like." " Yeah, I know what it's like." "I had a family once." "You were part of it." "Pretty stupid of me to think I'd be a part of yours." "Come in." "His bags are in the lobby." "Wow." "Look at you, you're such a big boy." "You probably don't remember me, but..." "I remember you way back when you were little, teeny, teeny little baby." "Daddy." "Oh." "Yes, I am your daddy." "And we're gonna have so much fun together." "Did you know that?" "I'm gonna take really good care of you, I promise." "I love you." "Hey." "Hang on." "Santa will be out in just a minute, ok?" "Ok, where the hell is Sean?" "Merry christmas." "Thank you." "Tell santa to stop feeding his reindeer and get his jolly ass out here." "Got it." "Poppy says your break's up." "Hey, you, uh, you know Marlo?" " Marlo?" "Which elf is he?" " He was my wife's elf." "Thought maybe you all knew each other." "Whoa--ha ha ha." "Looks like Santa needs a little hand." "You, uh, a friend of Poppy's?" "You know, lesbian?" "I've been known to dabble." "But every now and then, Santa's helper enjoys a good north pole," " if you know what I mean." " Why, you little ho ho ho." "What do you want for Christmas?" "I want a G full suspension mountain bike with the new hydroform downtube and a zero stack head zoom." "Why, so you can crack your head wide open going downhill at break-neck speed?" "Won't feel like such a big man then, will you?" "And I want a big chocolate cake with chocolate bunnies and a whole house made of chocolate, chocolate chip." "Great." "You want Santa to bring you diabetes, is that it?" "Is your mom single?" "Oh, she's got nice tits." "I even bought her this beautiful necklace." "It was this little red crystal heart." "I'll bet she looks just like a real princess in it." "Do you think she'll like it?" "Ok, ok." "Um, you know, Santa's a little sad today." "It's ok." "One of his reindeer died." "Ok, so run along." "Thank you, Liz." "You were right." "I'm so glad I did this. 'cause everybody loves Santa." "We're actually losing money on these photos." "Santa is freaking these kids out." " It's waves of love." " You want a latte?" "A latte?" "Yeah, that'd be great." "Santa could definitely use a... a little beverage." "Ok." "Ooh, you want a little help to the workshop?" " I got it." " Ok." "It's ok." "I just--I'm just a little tired." "I know, sweetheart." "I know." "Santa's had" "It's too much love." "Don't forget, this is not the real Santa, ok?" "This one's just pretend, so there's no need to get scared." "It's just uncle sean dressed up like Santa." "Oh, my god, christian." "He is so cute." "Wilber, you are adorable." "I am your auntie Liz and this is your auntie Poppy." " And isn't he adorable?" " He is cute." "Don't get any ideas." "Well, we came to see Santa." "Right?" "Didn't we?" "And do a little shopping." "Uh, yeah." "Warning on Santa, he's a little overwhelmed right now." "I think it's a little bit too much with all the, um, the stuff with Julia and everything." "And, um, you know," "Santa is in his workshop and he's-- he's resting." "Oh!" "Did you hear that?" "Santa is in his workshop." "Do you want to go see if he's making toys?" "Yeah?" " What are you doing here?" " Getting a sun tan." "I come at night when it's not so crowded." "You don't belong here." "I don't belong anywhere anymore." "It's why I'm here." "Right across from my office." "Hey, you should get that looked at, it could get infected." "My H.M.O. doesn't cover bum fights." " Got in a fight?" " Yeah." "Got paid 20 bucks." "It's a village sport." "Get a couple of assholes desperate enough to kill each other, let 'em go at it." "I figured I could get some money to buy my daughter a Christmas present." "Damn foster parents spent all their money on their own kids." "What's her name?" "Lucy." "She hasn't had a decent Christmas since her mama died." "What the hell, all the stores are closed anyway." "I'll do like you said, just use it to get me some Jack for another day." "Want some?" "Go on." "Hey, what the hell are you doing?" " What the hell are you doing?" "!" " Pain's pain, remember?" "You want to come down here in the hole with me?" "'Cause right now you're just circling the rim." "If you fall down, you'll find the walls are so steep you'll never get out." "That's where I want to be." "Where it's so dark no one knows who you are or what you've become." "I know." "You're just going through the dark night and soul." "But you've still got light in you." "You got to hang on to that." "Your nose looks broken." "You could use some stitches." "My office is not far." "All right." "I think you're good to go." "What about you?" "I think I'm good to go, too." "All right, then." "You know, there's only one other patient in recovery." "Why don't you stay here tonight?" "Warm bed, quiet." "You could take a shower in the morning." "Clean sheets." "That's been a while." "Look, I don't know what your plans are tomorrow, but if you'd like to stop by my place, have a bite to eat." "This is my address." "I'll give you a couple of suits, if you don't mind brown Brooks Brothers." "Beggars can't be choosers." "You're not a beggar." "You're not an asshole." "Hey, doc." "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas to you, too." "Cool, huh?" "That's it." "You just-- you put it on there and then it's hanging." "There she is." "Let's go say hello to a friend." "Come on." "Come on over." "Come on." "Hi." "You must be Wilber." "It's really nice to meet you." "I'm Michelle." "And that is the most beautiful tree I have ever seen." "Ever." "Can I help you finish decorating it?" "Let's go show her how to decorate the tree, shall we?" "Give me a kiss." "Mwah." "Ok, come on." "Let's show her." "Put it up on the tree." "There you go." "Ok." "Let's show her exactly how to do this 'cause I'm sure she can't remember." "Let's put it on the tree." "Hello." "Need anything before I go?" "I thought the place was deserted." "I'm solo on Christmas eve, too." "There's a guy in recovery." "I don't know if you're up to it, but he could certainly use a friend." "Yes, well, we all could." " Good night." " Night." "It's awful being alone on Christmas eve, isn't it?" " You care tp join me?" " I'm on the wagon." "On Christmas eve?" "Nonsense." "It's a 1991 Philipponat." "It's perfection." "It makes life worth living." "Takes the sting out of being away from one's family and one's friends." " I don't have any." " No?" "Except my daughter." "Far as she's concerned, I'm dead." "That is so sad." "Well, we'll be each other's family this Christmas eve." "Shall we?" "After all, we are alone." "Just the two of us." "Even the night nurse is gone." "I'm James." "That's a man's name." "In french, j'aime means "I love."" "Reefer." "Well, that's the same in any language, isn't it?" "It's absolutely heavenly." "Bubbles going into my head." "Reefer, wouldn't you like to join me?" "I feel pathetic drinking alone." "Just a little." "Isn't champagne positively magic?" "One glass and all your troubles vanish into thin air." "Cheers." "* God rest ye merry gentleman, let nothing you dismay * * remember Christ our savior was born on Christmas day * * to save us all from satan's power when we have gone astray, *" "* oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, * * oh, tidings of comfort and joy *" "Why didn't you tell me he was black?" "Just not something I ever thought about." "All I see when I look at him is him." "He's like a little angel come to us at Christmas." "One of Burt's plant managers." "Hello?" "I'll be right there." "A pipe burst in one of burt's medical supply plants." "It's Christmas eve." "We're just about to eat." "I know." "I won't be long." "I'll call you on my way back." "Mmm-mmm." "Oh, my god." "What have you done?" "Such shock." "Surely in med school you must have encountered a cadaver or two." "What kind of monster are you?" " This was a human being." " He had no family or friends." "His only skill was drinking." "At least we gave him an opportunity to contribute something to society." "And contribute he did." "Deanna made a pretty clean sweep off him." "Of course, his liver was useless." "She snuck them out in a Gucci travel bag." "Little christmas present for me." "What do you take me for?" "Clean up, darling." "Garbage disposal." "Or would you prefer that I left him there on the table for the F.B.I. To discover in the morning?" "I can't." "I can't do this anymore, James." "I can't." "Please." "Imagine trying to explain this to your future husband." "It would ruin everything you've worked for." "N'est-ce pas?" "I couldn't do that to you." "Not on Christmas." "After I cut him up, how do you suppose we get him out of here unnoticed?" "There are agents surrounding the building." "Do your work, darling, and I'll attend to the details." "Mrs. Landau?" "Agent Craft." "Friend of yours?" "She's a patient." "Was." "She's been discharged from Christmas." "We're doing volunteer work together." "Need some help with that?" "No, no." "Can manage." "Toys." "Deliver them to a children's hospital." "Pass them around." "It's nice." "Thinking of others on christmas eve." "Thanks for keeping an eye on the place." "It feels good to know that you're here." "Good night." " Good night." " Good night." " Hey." " Hey." "Wilbur wanted to spend Christmas with his uncle Sean." "And I wanted to check up on Santa." "I was worried about him." "What happened to Michelle?" "Came down with the flu or something?" "A pipe at one of Burt's plants burst." "The price you pay for being in love with a business woman I guess." "Well, I've got some Christmas chicken noodle soup cooking." "Or we could order out." "Chicken noodle soup?" "Chicken noodle soup." "We love chicken noodle soup." "You like chicken noodle soup?" "You like it?" "Yeah, we like chicken noodle soup." "You wanna help me finish decorating the tree?" "Yeah?" "Come here." "It's right in here." " Can I come too?" " Yeah, you can come." "See, there." "We got this." "You hold it by the string, you put it as high as you can, okay?" "Here." "Let's go." "Pick the right branch."