"(j.D.) sacred heart-- eight years of great memories." "This place will live forever." "They tore down the old crappy hospital" "And rebuilt it on the med school campus." "I'm just back to teach some classes." "First, though, I need to do my morning good luck ritual." "And seven." "That's one good luck kiss" "For every month you've been in there." "Are you done yet?" "Not yet." "And thank you for making mommy's boobs so much bigger." "They're almost jugs." "Seriously, I think I can probably rest 'em on your head." "Check it out." "Okay." "Yeah." "Whoa!" "Talk about a 10-gallon hat." "(chuckles) how cool is that?" "Donny, no questions right now, okay?" "This is private." "They're still looking." "I said this is private!" "Turn around!" "That was heavy." "Hey, do good today." "Bye." "Bye." "I can still feel them on my head." "How sweet is he?" "Part of me hates how familiar this seems." "I hope I can find a way to make this all feel new." "(woman) oh, my god." "The first day of med school." "Everything is so new." "I mean, just look at all these people" "Who don't know that I used to wear a back brace." "I can look left." "Yep, new sights, new sounds, even new smells." "Kiwi." "What?" "I smell kiwi." "Yeah, it's my shampoo." "I love kiwis, okay?" "I love them, too!" "Actually, that's not true." "They're hairy." "They look like monkey nuts." "Don't smell people." "It's weird." "I'm lucy." "I don't care!" "Regroup, lucy." "Find an ally." "Hi." "I'm lucy." "Cool." "Hey, after class," "You want to go somewhere, get weird with each other?" "I feel like you skipped a few steps." "Hey, come on." "You already know if you're in or out." "So what's the deal, girl?" "Not interested." "Medicine is..." "Well, it's a dead career." "Thanks to insurance companies and malpractice lawyers," "You have absolutely no hope" "Of finding a rewarding or satisfying profession" "In this once noble field." "The only exception to this very true rule is the following" "If you are lucky enough to go to a great medical school," "Then, my children, you got a real shot." "Because to call this particular school a "crap house"" "Would be an honest-to-god compliment." "Plus, m the only teacher here worth a damn," "And I already hate each and every one of you." "Would you like to know why?" "Well, it turns out" "You're not actually medical studen at all." "You are all murderers and assassins" "That have been sent here to try to kill my patients." "Here's the bottom line" "If you do get a good clean kill on a patient," "Go ahead and take a pinkie or an ear as a trophy." "I am ready for you, have been for a while," "So watch your ass." "Good day." "Okay." "I hope everyone enjoyed orientation with dr." "Cox." "I'm dr." "Mahoney, your student advisor." "Here's some crappy pizza." "Joining us, gramps?" "You know, 'cause you're old for a med student." "They told me to give out fun nicknames for team building." "It's working." "Look, uh, drew," "I don't like dealing with, well, people." "And all these kids obviously look up to you." "I've never spoken to any of these people." "I can still feel a bond, and I thought," "Why don't you deal with the whiny, emotional stuff?" "And in return, I will let you do that." "Look, just, uh, let me fly under the radar." "Please." "I guess I should answer any annoying questions you all have." "Yeah, monkey nuts." "Uh, I just wanted to thank you, on behalf of all of us," "For getting us pizza." "There." "Smelling incident fixed." "Yeah, they gave me money to do it," "Along with free room and board" "To attend to your emotional needs." "Speaking of which, little administrative thing" "If you're going to kill yourself" "I'm looking at you, sad eyes" "Do it off campus, 'cause it is a buttload of paperwork." "All right, everyone, pay attention," "Because my spleen is right here." "Whoops!" "This feels more like my private-time area." "Wouldn't it be easier if you could see what you were doing?" "This is the way I'm doing it, cole!" "Or maybe you're just uncomfortable" "Because it's a black man's head on a fake white man's body." "That's right, people." "It just got real up in here." "In my class, you will each be graded" "By the color of your skin." "F's." "There he is." "Yes!" "Dude!" "What the hell are you doing?" "!" "I thought it'd be more dramatic" "If we spotted each other from afar" "And then ran to see each other!" "But now if we meet in the middle," "We'll wind up somewhere inside the hospital," "And this really feels like more of an outside thing!" "If you count to ten before you run," "I should be able to get downstairs and over to you!" "I'm already counting!" "Three, four..." "Hey, dr." "Turk." "Not now, denise." "Turk!" "I'm late." "Gotta go." "Mm." "Mm." "You smell like prison." "When was the last time you guys saw each other?" "This morning." "We carpooled." "But we haven't worked together in over a year." "You know what I'd like to do now?" "Is it go to vermont anmake this thing legal?" "Talk to the hand." "Remember that?" "(high-pitched voice) eagle!" "(normal voice) oh, hey, perry." "I'm really looking forward to teaching wi you." "Onward." "(high-pitched voice) eagle!" "Oh, good god." ""Scrubs", Episode 1 "First Day of School"." "I'll have you know this is the very jacket" "Worn by michelle pfeiffer in "dangerous minds."" "All I had to do was sew these elbow patches on" "And take the shoulder pads out." "Hmm." "By the way, what ever happened to the janitor?" "Oh, dude." "It was the day after you left..." "When's that little buddy of yours coming back?" "He's never coming back." "He's gone for good." "He's right here, isn't he?" "Where would I be hiding him?" "But he's coming back..." "No." "After his vacation." "No." "And no one ever saw him again." "Dr. Kelso, what are you doing her" "I'm teaching a couple of classes." "J.D.'s gonna teach here, too." "(chuckles) oh, turk, sometimes I'll teach them." "Sometimes they'll teach me," "But we're always going to inspire each other." "You're still such an odd little fruit." "Is that woman's jacket?" "No, it's a man's small." "Yes, it's actually the jacket from "dangerous minds."" "He doesn't need to know that." "Dr. Kelso, I heard about enid's passing." "I'm so sorry." "Well, you bottom out," "And then you persevere." "(wspers) yeah." "I feel like I can say the worst is over." "How long ago did she pass?" "About two days." "I'm a frequent flier." "Congrats, I guess." "No, no, no." "That means I'm in and out of the hospital a lot." "Oh." "Ben." "Ischemic bowel disease." "Lucy." "I'm a med student." "You look like you could use a grape." "Thanks, ben." "I really could." "No stealing food from patients." "Gather 'round, murderers." "Gather 'round." "I saw that." "Spit it out." "Now eat it again." "At least we know you're a good listener." "Score!" "You should all follow 19's lead," "And I call her "19," because instead of using your names," "I'm going to go by where you currently rank in my hd." "Now who can tell me what artery" "Goes above the optic chiasm to the cerebral hemispheres?" "Supermodel in the back." "(australian accent) I'm fairly certain" "It's the anterior cerebral artery." "What?" "I'm not understanding a word ththat she's saying,I artery." "And, people, I can teach anyone." "You just gotta speak english." "I'm australian." "Still not getting it." "Everyone, leave. (whistles)" "I'm sorry about the grape thing." "Oh, don't sweat it, 42." "Is my number going down because I'm talking to you?" "Why was michael in my room?" "His name isn't michael." "Well, he has a weird serbian name that I can't say," "So I'm calling him michael." "He loves it." "I don't." "My name is ilyevic." "Mike, just go." "Young michael informed me that you told everyone" "To come to me with their personal problems." "Yeah, I did." "I checked on you." "You've already been to med school" "Once already when you were 21." "And you didn't just flame out, you, like, you went nuclear." "Seriously, how was prison?" "It was cold." "You couldn't just let me be." "Well, I'm gonna take" "The high road and not mention your mannish voice" "And all the pictures you have in here of your friends." "Tell me, which one's your b.F.F.?" "You are a giant douche." "I know." "Want to take a shower together?" "Fine." "I know you think you're so hot, but I'm not a fan." "Hey, I'm not happy about this either, okay?" "Welcome to internal medicine, gang." "My name is dr." "John dorian." "Hey, should we be taking notes?" "That's a good question, fellow." "What I'll tell you is I don't like to really stop." "That ruins my flow." "So what I'm gonna do is give a subtle nod like so..." "As a signal, okay?" "Now back to my name." "I prefer "dr." "D.," or in a pinch, "dr." "Dizzle."" "But if you see me out in the quad-- there is no quad." "I'm not a big fan of the t.A.S doing a lot of speaking, denise." "Okay?" "Oh, wait." "Wait." "That was an accidental nod, you guys." "No note taking." "No note taking, okay?" "Now if you see me out in the quad..." "I want you to think of me as more than your teacher." "I'm also your friend, all right?" "Okay, we're definitely gonna need a new signal" "For the note-taking thing." "This guy's trying to die on me again." "Who wants to play patient roulette?" "Please not me." "Please not me." "There ain't no use running', little girl!" "First one to bring me a med student gets a juicy bone." "He gets a juicy bone." "You gotta yell!" "91, here's how we play." "I'm not gonna do anything to help this dying man" "Until you answer these three very simple questions" "At is it called when a blood clot" "Occludes a branch of the pulmonary artery?" "What is it called when tuberculosis affects the spine?" "And what was the name of the african nba center" "Who did this whenever he blocked a shot?" "Oh, I'd hurry." "His heart's slowing down." "And he's dead," "Not because of you." "I'm not insane." "He was dead when we walked over here." "But just a stunningly horrible job nonetheless." "All right." "We finally found a signal that works--jazz hands." "Love it." "Guys, tomorrow you'll be divided into groups," "And you'll be given your cadavers." "So great first day, everybody." "Who wants to keep this party going?" "If so, meet me back here at 6:00." "I will have beers, on me." "Everyone take a mixed cd on their way out." "For those of you who are fans of a young miss miley cyrus," "I recommend the green ones." "She's heavily featured." "Dr. Cox?" "Professor." "Professor cox?" "Actually it's both." "Dr. Professor cox?" "Yes?" "Sometimes I feel like you're not even trying to teach me." "I'm not." "I generally don't waste time" "With people who aren't gonna make it." "Oh." "Thanks." "Thanks?" "Hey." "Can I talk to you for a sec?" "What do you want?" "Well, um, I get the whole trial-by-fire thing" "And you're wonderful at it, really." "Don't ever touch me." "Sorry." "Um, but you seem to go out of your way" "To pick on the weakest kids." "Ybe you could, I don't know, not do that." "Thank you for the feedback." "It's invaluable." "You don't mean that, do you?" "I don't." "And since you don't see yourself as one of the weak ones," "Maybe a good solution would be for me to unload" "My years of rage and frustration and pain onto your head" "And your head alone." "Are--are we locked down to that, or can we keep spitballing here?" "Very locked in." "Looking forward to it." "Not you." "Just something I say whenever I'm pissed..." "When I'm with a whore." "Whoa!" "None of them showed up." "I got us all these glow-in-the-dark necklaces" "So we wouldn't lose each other when we were out on the town." "It's their first day of med school." "Come on." "You remember how we were." "Nerds!" "Losers!" "(bicycle bell tinkles) I feel so alive." "Everybody at that party had sex." "No." "(j.D.) we all go through life" "Worrying about what other people think of us." "Man, I must be the worst teacher ever." "The truth , the harshest words" "Are the ones we say about ourselves." "You okay, sweetie?" "No, ben." "I don't belong here." "(lucy) I was so depressed yesterday." "To cheer myself up, I made what I think is a great decision." "Sometimes one perfect night" "Can change your whole outlook on life." "(camera phone shutter clicks)" "Yep." "I've got a good feeling about this guy." "Hey, darling." "I'm dr." "Cole." "I'll be your physician." "So..." "What are we dealing with here?" "Non-hodgkin's lymphoma." "Oh, giant drag." "Hey." "Come here." "Hope you enjoyed your last day of med school." "Yeah, I don't see it." "I'm sorry." "What?" "You know that bust you pass on your way" "To pick up your tiny paycheck?" "Notice any resemblance?" "Symmetric features, strong jaw." "Yeah, that's my pop-pop-- paid for this whole building." "So here's the skinny-- I'm teflon." "You can fire bullets at me if you want, but be careful." "When they ricochet off me, they sometimes hit other people." "Pa-chi." "Pa-ching." "Don't pa-chi me." "Pa-ching." "Don't you pa-ching me!" "My dad always says every day is a new day." "So today I'm gonna be confident, strong," "And nothing will knock me off my game." "Oh, who am I kidding?" "I'm doomed." "Has anyone seen the crash cart?" "Ah, it's, uh, over by bed four." "Now can you make that out?" "I think I heard the words "bear fight,"" "But that makes no sense." "You're right." "That's super fun." "I love doing things with you." "Thanks, perry." "I needed that." "I'm having a little trouble getting my teacher groove going." "Maybe you suck at it." "Why do you have to lash out, perry?" "Stay open for business in here," "In your heart cage." "I guess I'm just tired of weeding out the weak" "To protect the rest of the herd, like I always do." "Maybe you could mix it up a little." "Try in-investing emotionally in one of them." "A kid stood o me just the other day," "And..." "I kind of felt connected to him." "Good, good, good." "I'm--I'm sure you probably knew him" "For--for all of 30 seconds." "It's not like I tried" "For--for eight years or anything to get your love." "I thought we were over this." "I'm drowning here." "I wish there was just someone" "Who could fly up and rescue me from all this." "(j.D.) I feel like I'd get back on track" "If I could just find one student to connect with" "One kid that really needs me." "I mean, that's what it's all about, right?" "Reaching out." "What's your name?" "Drew." "I'm taking an interest in you." "Carry on." "That's not good for me, is it?" "Drew, you know I d care." "Come on." "Grab me like a man." "Let's do this." "Ah, what up, dizzle?" "You dropped something." "I got it." "I'm not always a believer in serpity," "But sometimes the world just brings things together." "I was chasing that, so it's mine." "It's a naked picture of me." "It fell out of that cole kid's notebook." "Oh, don't be sad." "It's just--oh, wow!" "That is a very graphic naked picture of you." "You know, we're gonna go over a lot of that stuff in class," "So don't worry about it." "I shouldn't have looked." "I'm both a married man and a beloved professor." "I know." "You're dr." "Dorian." "This area's technically the quad," "So it's--it's j.D." "Lucy." "Nice to meet you, lucy." "(lucy) don't let him leave." "Say something, lucy." "J.D.?" "Can I help you with something?" "Dr. Cox is all over me." "I can't take it." "Come with me." "Come on." "Lucy, to win at the game of perry cox," "Yohave to stand up to him." "He just wants to kw" "That you're strong enough to survive here." "So you need to go ahead and show him." "Dr. Co--dr." "Professor cox?" "I actually knew the answers to all your questions." "Check it out" "Pulmonary embolism, pott's disease" "And dikembe mutombo." "That's fabulous." "I dot care." "It's just that you kept yelling," "And you had that vein thing" "Popping out the side of your head..." "There it is." "And sometimes I get nervous under pressure," "And I forget basic..." "You know, the things that you speak." "Words?" "Yes!" "Words." "People speak words." "Look, when you have a patient coding on the table," "What, are you gonna tell the whole room to stop screaming" "So that you don't get nervous?" "No." "Oh, I know that face." "You're a crier." "You cry." "I have not cried once in my entire adult life," "And I am not gonna start now because of you." "We'll see." "And, dr." "Cox?" "If you do make me cry, it won't be a big deal," "Because I lied." "I cry all the time." "Oh, good god." "(j.D.) little victories count for a lot around here," "Even if you ner asked to win in the first place." "(whistles) congrats." "I am now going to expect more from you" "Than I've expected from a med student ever." "Whore." "And you have to enjoy those nice moments while you can." "This is your group's cadaver for the semester." "Because around here," "They never last very long." "Treat him well." "I wonder what this guy's deal was." "Ben." "His name was ben." "why are we whispering?" "And I threw a blanket over his head and then sat on him." "He doesn't know it's me." "What's your exit strategy?" "I haven't really thought that far ahead." "I got a plan." "Todd, can you come here and sit on this?" "Okay. (grunts)" "Get him." "Sodude or chick?" "I'm good either way."