"On April 7th, we were really just moving from Camp Fallujah over to another base whichshouldhavebeen aroutinedrive." "The mission obviously changed the moment we encountered the enemy." "Theykickedoff withRPGs, anda lotof  machinegunfire." "Ifwe'regonnaget shot, we'regonnafightback, and sure enough, that's what we did, we fought back." "When you decide that you want to survive, whoeveritis , iftheyhaveaweapon, they'regonnadie." "Onethingwe brought tothetablethatday was that overwhelming acceptance of violence." "Wedeployedto Iraq in2004." "I'd been to Iraq before with the invasion, but I could tell that somethin' was different." "Itwentfromthe groups ofkidscheerin' andgivin'you thethumbsup  andwavin' onthesideoftheroad,  saying things like "Bush, number one," you know, tostaringus down," "derisivelooks,youknow, liketheyweren't hidingthefactthatwe weren'twelcome." "So I knew it was a different war." "And I knew that it was gonna be more dangerous and more difficult." "Today, four American contractors-- civilians, were massacred in Fallujah." " Four Americans in two SUVS - stuck in traffic." "They'reambushed." "Thefourmen,all civilians, ex-military,worked fora Carolinafirm, BlackwaterUSA." "Thejubilantcrowd, honkingtheirhorns thesamewaypeoplehere  rejoiceatweddings, settheSUVsonfire , thentiedropesaround thecharredbodies anddraggedthem throughthestreets, andhungtwoof theAmericanson abridge." "WhentheBlackwater contractorsgotkilled, wehadjustspentalittle bitoftimewiththem ." "Idon'tknow, maybea weekbefore?" "Somethinglikethat." "So that brought it home." "Once we'd heard about it, we're like, "Man, we were just with them."" "Andnowto findout  thattwoof theirbodies werehanging fromthebridge, andtheothertwo weredrug  throughthestreets, itkindof hitus." "We'd only been there about a month when that happened, so we hadn't really learned what was actually out there." "You know?" "How many of the enemy were actually out there." "Ourplatoonsergeant pulledusaside andsaid,"Allright, let'sputthisinperspective." "because it's gonna be us out there on the line managing this." "We're gonna be the response to this in some way or another."" "This is outside Fallujah, Iraq." "Theyprettymuchhave thewholecitysurrounded andthey'vebeenhittingit fora coupledays." " Second Platoon, Bravo Company, - 1st Recon Battalion." "Icouldn'thaveasked formyfirstreconplatoon to have been a better group of guys." "We just meshed well." "Sothisis oneofthethings thatwedo outhere-- drive around looking for cachet sites." "Wejustfound someledson thisroad." "Wehaddarngoodleadership." "Dan Griego kicked us square in the nose and made sure we were ready." "Iwasplatoonsergeant forBravoCompany." "I wanted to make sure that my teams had as much as they needed, so they would be ready in case of, you know, contact or fighting with the enemy." "This is from our rooftop position here in Fallujah." "Hewasahands-on platoonsergeant, but he let the team leaders run the teams." "He didn't micromanage, and he did well working with our platoon commander," "CaptainBrentMorel." " Captain Morel and I - were like-- we were friends." "Weworkedwelltogether, and he would listen to any input I had on what we were gonna do or how we were gonna do things." "Someoftheguys, youknow, werehavingahardtime  warmingupto him." "Hetookus to thegym  onedaybeforewedeployed." "He proceeded to try to box everybody in our platoon." "AndI wasimpressed athowmanyshots hecouldtake." "I thought that was cool of him to put himself out there like that." "Blair-- "Doc Dell"-- knew his job really well." "Heworkedrealhardwith us andranus through combattrauma, andmadesure wewereallwell-trained onfirstaid andtraumamedicine." "I was an assistant team leader." "Assistantteamleader actuallydoesmostof thecontrollingof theteam andmakingsure everything'stogether." "The team leader tasks him with that and he takes care of it." "Ready to go out and patrol." "EddieWright wasa machinegunner." "Definitely serious as hell when it came time to do the job." "Thiswasaplatoonof straight-upalphamales." "Everybody out there was the baddest dude on the planet." "Butwelovedeachother throughourhardtraining andwewererealtight." " One, two, three" " Kill!" "All right, get in your vehicle, get out of here." "April7thwassupposed tobean administrativerun  tomoveourcompany headquarters." "Weknewwe were justgonnago down thismainsupplyroute, RouteBoston." "Itwasgonnabeourplatoon, fivevehicles, the headquarters element with administrative personnel leadership." "Weweregonnatakethem  toa securepoint." " We have, total, - 25 Marines." "We'vebeenon  thisroutebefore." "Usuallythere'skids runningaround, there'speoplewalking." "There'slocalvendors." "But this day, there wasn't." "Itwasjusteerie." "Almostlikein  oneofthosemovies whereyouget thelittletumbleweed thatjumpsacross themainstreet." "It was almost that quiet." " On this movement," " I was in the lead vehicle." "soI couldsee thevehicletraffic comingtowardsus ." "Whenyousee..." "flipa U-turnandtakeoff,  youknow,thatrightthere's abigredflag,like ," """ you know." "So I stopped the convoy." "I got on the radio." "andI radioedback, youknow,like," ""Hey,something's goingdownhere." "Weshouldprobablystop andgeteyesonit."" "Andthewordcameback , like," Okay, well, push forward and pick up your speed."" ""Roger that."" "Yeah,I justgotready." "Itwaslikeweknew wewere rollingintoan ambush." "It'soneof thosethings whereyou'vegotajobtodo anddon'thavethe luxury toworryaboutit." "It'slike, "Okay,herewe go ."" "Itwastwolow fields withoneroadrightdown  themiddleof it , andwe'retalking abouthundredsof meters." "Basically, if you were to pick the ultimate place to set up an ambush, they chose wisely." "Thosesensesstart kickingin,youknow, that sixth sense that some people have?" " Contact right!" " Contact right!" "Contact left!" "Iseemuzzleflashes." "We're getting shot at from both sides." "It looked like they wanted to wipe us out." "Contact right, contact right!" "It was basically a close ambush." "AndourSOPsfor  thistypeof engagement wastostopand lay down abaseof fire soitkindofwas counter-intuitive towhatyou'd thinkyou'ddo , likerunaway orgetoutofDodge." "No, you go right to it." "We were not in a good spot." "We were in the kill zone, basically." "I kept hearing these explosions." "You know, just boom, boom, boom, boom." "I thought, "Damn, they're shooting RPGs at the back half of our platoon."" "Well, they weren't shooting 'em at them, they were shooting 'em at us." "Theyweremissingus andexploding--hitting behindus." "That's when I got hit." "It was like-- like a tremendous thunderclap originating from inside your head." "You know, like, you can't really-- it was just a "boom!"" "IthoughtIgot shot intheface." "I was thinking to myself, "All right," "I guess I'll see what it's like to die."" "AndthenIthought tomyself,"Okay, yougottachillout , 'causeyou'regoing intoshock." "Like,relax."" "And as soon as I made that conscious thought, it's like somebody hit the light switch and turned the lights on." "Everythingclearedup  inmyvision, andI startedto assess thesituation." "Myhands werekillin'me ." "Like, I was just in pain everywhere, and I remember liftin' my arm up and looking down, anditwasjustnasty." "Itwasgone." "It was shredded, and I remember thinking, "Damn."" "And my right hand was hurting, and I, you know, lifted my arm up and I looked down, and I saw... where, you know, my hand was blown off right at the base of my palm." "And it was kinda strange, 'cause my hand was hangin' down." "It was like a-- it looked like a glove that got shredded, like somehow all the meat and bones were out of my hand, so it was like an empty glove, but shredded." "And I remember thinking,." "Both of 'em?"" "I looked down and my femur was stickin' out of my leg, off at an angle, kind of." "And the whole top of my quadricep from the knee all the way up almost to my hip was blown open, and it was just nasty." "A pulpy red mess." "AndI remember thinking," Damn," "Igottaget atourniqueton that,"" "and you know, "How am I gonna do this?"" "You know, my hands are shot up." "SoI turnedto theradio operatorandI'mlike," ""Bro,get theblow-outkit."" "andhewasjust lookingatme" "Like, he probably thought I was gonna die, 'cause I looked terrible." "IwasborninChicago." "Imovedaroundalot growing'up." "Ialwayshad tomakenewfriends." "SometimesI 'dmake goodfriends, and sometimes I didn't make good friends." "I actually joined a gang in high school, a Samoan gang." "It's crazy." "I was the only white guy in the gang." "You know, those guys were my family when I didn't really feel that I had anybody I could connect with." "Igotexpelled." "Spent some time in juvie for fighting, you know." "Iwasalittlepunk ." "Butgettingin trouble wasalso oneofthebestthings that'severhappenedtome." "Ineededto  getintrouble." "Ineededto thinkabout thepathmy lifewas going." "And I had to make a conscious decision to change it." "Ihadalwayswanted tobeaMarine, andI gravitatedtowards thereconnaissancecommunity." "The books that I had read about recon teams in Vietnam were to me, as a kid, amazing." "And it took some time, you know?" "Ihadto makeamends forallthefights thatI 'dbeenin  andpaysome restitution." "But I stuck with it, and I talked to the recruiter for over two years." "ThefactthatIwasable tojointheMarineCorps initselfis  asmallmiracle inmyeyes." "But I think I was put on this earth to be a Marine." "I thought he was a bit of a jokester, you know, the typical smart aleck that every group's gonna have." "I went to the Marine Corps standards board last week." "" " Apparently piercings are "eccentric,"" "but paper clips, and clothespins are not eccentric." "Thatsenseof humor andjustgeneralsmart-aleck approachtothings, howcouldyounot  bondwiththat?" "Hereallyis fulloflife ." "Imean,he 'san individual thathasso muchheartinhim, if you need something, Eddie will be there." "Just from the boom that went off, you knew that the Alpha element had been hit bad." " In my mind," " I thought I was dying." "Therewas aradiooperator, andhewaslookingthrough thebackof theHumvee, tryingtoget thefirstaidkit , and he couldn't find it." "AndI 'mlike, "Justgetmy tourniquet," youknow." "And I leaned like this 'cause we had the pockets in our sleeves." "Somyradiooperator getsa tourniquet onmyleftleg ." "Bythistime,myteam  leaderturnedaround and grabs the tourniquet to make sure it's on tight, and the thing pops off, and I'm like, "My gosh."" "The radio operator has to reapply it, and this time he really cranked it on there." "He probably saved my life, 'cause I probably would have bled out, slowly." "Heputatourniquet onmyleftarm ." "Whenwegothit , theblastdeafenedus,  so you didn't hear that small-arms fire anymore, so it's like "They're not shooting at us anymore."" "No, they were shooting at us." "We just didn't hear it." "Asourhearing kindofcameback, we realized, "Man, we gotta get out of this kill zone."" "If you count all of the different positions that were shooting at us, almost 360 degrees." "Itwasbuildingup intothesouthwest, onebehindus  tothenortheast." "Wehadat leastfive positionsintheberms," "Iwasin vehicletwo ." "We were trying to attract attention to us." "VehicleOnewashit ." "That's when our platoon commander," "CaptainBrentMorel saiddismount." "Assault back, Assault back!" "Togetoutofa closeambush, you assault through." "That's in the handbook." "Unless you want to be a sitting duck, you know, you're gonna close with and destroy the enemy." "Mostoftheguyswent through, straightthroughthefield, right into the teeth of the gunfight." "We'rerunningthrough ahailof bullets uptothefirstberm ." "TheMarine thatI waswith, hestartsto shoot hismachinegun, andhecan'tbecause hisweapongotshot and he didn't realize it." "andnowhe hasaweapon thatdoesn'tfunction." "Moving!" "I see a couple of enemy fighters just rockin' away with their PKs." "Itwasaperfectsetup foranambush." "Theyneverknew whatwascomingtothem ." "Iwasin disbelief." "I was like, "Did I just shoot my first guys?" "Did I just kill somebody?" "Did I just take a soul?"" "Iwasin shock afterthat, butI justacceptedit." "I accepted the violence." "I accepted, you know, where we were." "That's just what I knew and that's what I ran with." "I knew I was gonna be a Marine, sinceI wasayoungage." "Itcouldhavebeenthe" Rambo" moviesI waswatching." "I don't know where the seed was planted, but I always knew that I was gonna join the Marine Corps ever since, I would say, I was a grade-schooler." "Youknow,Ibypassed, youknow,theArmy,theNavy,  theAirForce." "Iwentstraight intotheMarineCorps recruitingoffice and I was, like, "Hey, wanna join the Marine Corps."" "He was like, "Well, you want to know anything about it?"" "I was like, "Well, all I know is that, you know," "I wanna shoot guns, I wanna blow things up."" "And he says, "Well, Infantry, it is."" "Um,that'stheroute thatI took." "Mike Mendoza was pretty quiet, so I really never, you know, heard him say much or do something that was, you know, gonnadraw myattentionto him." "I guess as a platoon sergeant, that's good, because if my attention is drawn towards you it's probably for something bad." "IjustalwaysknewIcould  gotohimfor advice, talk to him, just chat, you know, sanity check." "He'sthetypeofguyyouwant besideyouin agunfight." "Itwaschaos." "I looked to my left, somebody was shooting." "I looked to my right, somebody's shooting." "That'swhenIsaw  CaptainBrentMorel." "Hejustfell,and  Ijustknewhewasshot." "Ijustknew hewasshot." "Itriedto carryhim , butMorelis abig boy ." "He'stall andfullof muscle." "IthinkImadeit aboutthreefeet before, you know, my knees gave out under me because he was such a large individual." "Firestartedzippingin rightatus ." "Youcouldhearthe cracks andseedirt kickingaround aroundus." "Andthenwe started takingoffhisbodyarmor." "Wewantedto seeexactly wherehewashit ." "My hand feels a small hole here, and then I look on the other side." "All my fingers pretty much just fell into his body cavity." "He just said, "I gotta get outta here, I'm gonna die."" "Um... when he said that to me, it was eye-to-eye contact." "So that's why it's pretty much-- it burned." "It's burned in my mind." "So..." "So when he said, "We gotta get outta here, I'm gonna die,"" "I lost it inside." "Not physically, but I was just like, "I don't know what to do."" "There was three battles happening in one ambush." "Onthekillzone, Eddie'svehicle wasdisabledby theRPG ." "And then the second battle where I was, wasCaptainMorel, whowasseverelyinjured." "Wewerebeingshotat." "TheMarinesthat werewithus , theyweredoingtheirbest  tomakeradiocontact totryto getavehicle toextractthemout ." "And then we had another battle, which was Dan Griego." "HewasourBravoelement." "Hebrokeoff fromourconvoy, andhedidlike anL-shapedposition." "From the time we started taking fire," "I immediately said, "Turn right."" "Whenwemade ourflankingmove, nowwewereon adirtroad, andit'snextto acanal." "Get ready to flank!" "I initially thought we could move the vehicles into a position where we'd be able to just fire biggunsfromthe vehicle." "I got too much grass in front of me." "Look out." "Andwecouldn'ttell wheretheenemywas  becausewehadthe tallreeds toourleft-handside." " I got a shot." " You want to take the hill?" "Getinposition!" "Notbeingable toseethem, wehadto get outofthevehicles togothroughthe reeds, acrossthecanal uptotheotherside  sothatwe cansee  wheretheenemywas ." "Thebiggestthingwas  justtodrawthe fire awayfrom theAlphaelement." "Whenwestartedfiring, thenmachinegunfire startedcomingat us ." "Weknewthey'dturn theirfirein ourdirection, whichtakesfire offthatAlphaelement, whichwouldallow timeforthemtomove ." "Youturnyourself intothisperson thatwillkillanybody infrontof you toprotectyourguys." "I'm not gonna take time to think about it." "I'm not gonna take time to, you know" "I'm gonna kill you." "Igrewup  inWhittier,California, andhatedschool, so I enlisted in the Marine Corps." "I enlisted when I was 17, and then I went in, actually went in when I was 18." "Ihadan actual longlineage ofanotherMarine thatwasfrommyfamily." "The great-great-great- grandfather that was in-- in-- like 1786, something like that." "Mymomwasn'tsupportive." "She was like, "You're not gonna make it, because you don't listen to me, and you're not gonna listen to anyone else."" "Istayedin  thereconnaissancecommunity theentiretime inmy20 years." "PrettymuchIwas deployed, Imean,constantly." "I'd come back, retrain, and then redeploy." "By the time we deployed in 2004, that was my ninth deployment." "Dan Griego, he was the most senior enlisted member in our platoon." "He was our platoon sergeant." "He had more deployments than, I think, any vehicle put together." "He'svery-- he'sverysmart whenitcomes totactics." "Here we are, back out in the desert again." "It'sa dayout attherange." "We'refiringtheMK19s." "Whenotherteams andotherplatoons wereoutgettingasoda  orsomethinglikethat, hehadus out doingrehearsals andbeatingthehell outofus withthat, whichiswhat weshouldbe doing." "We never doubted what was required of us, because of his leadership." "Atthattime, wewerewayoutnumbered, buttheBravoelement wasinthebestposition possible." "Andtheenemyhad set up onlyexpectingus  tobecomingfrom thedirectionthatthey initiallyengagedin ." "Theydidn'texpectus tobecomingfromtheside." "We're laying on a berm, and it's open ground in front of us, with an open enemy in front of us." "Sowe'reabletoshoot straightacrosstheground, andwitha.50 calibersniper rifle,it'sprettyeasy to,youknow,beable tohit whateveryouwantwithit." "Thereisreally nothought, otherthan"trytohit asmanypeopleasyoucan."" "Thisisbasicinfantry, close with and destroy the enemy by fire and maneuver." "You would think that your heart would start racing and you know, everything would pick up and speed would pick up, but it seemed more like time slowed down." "Irememberbreathing andeverything wasjustlike reallyrelaxed." "AndI wasabletofire  justthewayyou should firea sniperrifle." "I know at least I hit the guy that fired the RPG at Eddie." "Ishothimright throughtheface." "Ourteamleadertold ourdriverto punchforward and the vehicle really is barely moving." "it's like "putt-putt..." "putt-putt, putt, putt-putt."" "Obviouslywehave mechanicaldamage tothevehicle, butitdidstarttomoveus outofthatkillzone ." " About then," " Eddie's vehicle started finally moving again, starting to move our way." "Everybody inEddie'svehicle wasinjuredto  somedegreeor another." "Theywereworking theirwaybacktous." "Weneededto setup acasualtycollectionpoint." "Andwesetup ourownsecurity righttherein themiddle ofthekillzone." "Sowehadkindof atriangleof vehicles." "Eddiehadbotharms rippedoff, anda goodchunk ofhisleftupperleg." "Shrapneleverywhere." "Firstwords outofhismouth, witha smart-aleckgrin onhisface," ""Hey, Blair, can you give me a hand?"" "And he meant every bit of that pun." "Testament to his will to live, andhiswarriorspirit." "Asa medic,youwantto takecareof everypatient, butitmeansalotmore whenit'ssomebodyyou know." "Grewup inWashingtonstate." "Allyn,Washington." "Little town still waiting on its first stop light." "Had the Olympic Mountains as my backyard, andthePugetSound asmyfrontyard." "Couldn'task formuchbetter." "Ihadtheopportunity whenI was16 , andI joined thefiredepartment asa volunteer." "WhileI lovedwhatIwasdoing  withthefiredepartment," "Iknewtherewas more Icoulddo ." "Startedwiththegrunts, withMarinegrunts, infantry, 1996." "And saw... just about every country you could hope for." "And thought I was gonna go back to the fire department, and realized the Marines had ruined me, 'cause I couldn't be a reactive medic anymore." "I couldn't wait for people to get screwed up and then me and my buddy show up and fix it." "I wanted to be more proactive." "Blair,hewasour doc ." "Hewasour platooncorpsman." "Blairwasthe"wiseowl. "" "He always had something clever to say." "Blairwaslikea happy-go-luckykindof aguy ." "Knewhisjobreallywell , didn't have to worry about him medically, you know, how he was gonna take care of anything." "IwasworkingonEddie forquiteabit , andthenIgot the word BrentMorelwashit ." "Atsomepoint theyhadmanaged to get a vehicle out to him or something." "I don't know, I'm not familiar with how they got him back to me." "ButI turnedaround andtheywerelayinghimdown." "Yeah, and..." "That definitely punches you in the gut." "Icheckedon Eddie onemoretimerealquick." "Isaid,"Hey,buddy, I'mgonnahavetogo takecareof theboss."" "Brenthadatorsowound-- prettysignificant." "IdideverythingIcould, anditseemedlike nothingI wasdoing would gainpurchase." "I was not" " I... didn't want to give up." "He deserved nothing less than everything I had, but at some point, some wounds, you're just not gonna win." "FirstI heardtheCobras flyoveracoupleoftimes , and I could hear them firing their rockets and I could hear their machine gun." "That's a wonderful sound." "You're just like," ""Yes, we're good." "We got Cobras."" "Thatreallyhelpedtoturn  thetideof thebattle." "Itseemedlikeages, butI thinkit might'vebeen like45minutes orsomething." "Butthemedevacchopper finallycame, and landed." "CaptainMorel, myplatooncommander, hewas, whiteasaghost." "He'd lost so much blood that he" " I mean, he was just" "I'd never seen somebody that white." "You can't hear anything, the bird's so loud, but I told him, I said, "Hang in there, sir."" "At that point, they informed us that" "Captain Morel had been hit, and Eddie had been hit, and were medevacked in the aircraft that we had just seen come over and fly off." "Iknewit wasn'tgood." "Thecompany commandertoldus ," ""Justgetyourguys backouttathere,"" "and,youknow, healreadyhadknown howsevere theinjurieswere, youknow,whowe'dalready possiblylost andlet'sjust gettherestofus backoutof there andmoveout." "That enemy was ready for a battle that day." "Theyhadmoreweapons." "Theyhadequalto ormore,youknow, thanwehad." "Theywereready totakeon acity." "CaptainMorel didn'tdowhathedid,  we would've had more casualties." "Werealizedlater howmanypeople they threw at us that day." "We've heard varying accounts, from as little as 30 to as many as over 100, 150." "Sooncewe finally gottimeforus," "I remember the CO bringing us all together, and letting us know that, officially, Brent had passed." "It was really tough to swallow that information." "ReconBattalionhadn't lostanybody uptothatpointin OperationIraqiFreedom." "For me, it was the only time I'd ever lost a Marine that was, you know, in my platoon... formytime intheMarineCorps." "Ithitus all prettyhard." "No medic ever wants to lose one of their guys, but we were so small and so close-knit that we-- every loss is felt exponentially." "BrentMorel tookitstraight intothe,youknow, themonster'smouth." "I don't know if there's much more you could ask for in a leader." "There was no "mourning" feeling." "I guess it wasn't the time to mourn." "It was the time to fight." "Mourning was when the mission's done, when we're back in the United States." "I don't think I processed it until I met with his father, and sitting on the beach, smoking a cigar and talking about everything, that's when, you know... when you understand it's someone else's son." "You know, that's-- I mean, that's the biggest thing is knowing he's never gonna see him again." "His mother's never gonna see him again." "But it's just not the time to process it out there." "Maybe it's forever processing it." " When I woke up at the" " National Naval Medical Center inBethesda,Maryland, Iwashappytobealive ." "I had been out for nine days in a medically-induced coma." "Ifoundoutlater Ihadto be resuscitated threetimes." "I spent some time-- a month-- in ICU." "Ihandledit all relativelyprettywell fromthebeginning, because I knew no amount of lamenting the loss of my hands is gonna make my hands come back." "And it was kind of the attitude that I've always had." "I'm always coming up with little ways to cut corners or adapt, or do things the way-- I mean, so that I can still do what I used to do." "Youknow,partofme, itwasjustkillingme thatI wasn'tgonna bedeployable." "Iwasn'tgonnabeable  todothejob  thatI 'dalwaysdreamt ofdoing." "Done a lot of introspection I guess, you know, trying to figure out what I'm gonna do with myself for the rest of my life, but," "Youknow,as of yet Ihaven'tmadeup mymind100%." "You know, I'm only limited by my imagination, I guess." "But you know, I try to put it into perspective." "Eventually, everybody has to get out of the Marine Corps." "Does it get easier if you put 20 or 30 years in?" "I doubt it." "Dee-licious." " I ended up using" " Eddie's case quitea bit overtheyearsfollowing as a case study, as we were developing new technologies, and from 15 years of war, we have tools now, based on his and other similar cases," "that would've made that whole day an easy day." "Junctionaltourniquets, hemostaticdressings, thingslikethatthatwejust didn'thaveat thosetimes." "Silverlining outofallthat." "The things that happen to me in my life are things that shape me into being the person that I am today." "SoI don'tthinkthatIwould  reallychangeanything, andthatincludes gettingmyhandsshotoff." "April 7th, it was life-changing, for sure." "That's" " I guess that's a good way to put it." "Isureenoughbecame adifferentpersonthatday." "When I returned, good friends that I'd had throughout my career in the Marine Corps just said that... my whole face had changed, that I was a different person." "You don't turn violence on and off." "You decide to do it, allowing yourself to be that person." "If you're the enemy and I'm talking to you," "I'm gonna eat you." "I'm gonna kill anybody I have to to get back to my kids." "And I think that is what will effect people throughout their life, is the process of turning yourself into that." "You know, we're just not out there being violent to be violent, but you have to meet-- you have to meet your enemy with equal and greater force than what they're bringing to you." "That doesn't need to mean that we need to be animals, but that just means we have to be very effective in our jobs, or we lose." "I think one of the things that we've really identified more in the whole operational psychology, everything that we've tried to learn, is that you just adapt that to winning in another environment." "You still plan for everything with the same intensity you would for a mission." "Why would I give up that intensity?" "That's what helped me win in the military." " I can't do what I - was doing before, and it was my dream job." "ButnowIcan find anotherdream." "Alotof people don'tgetachance tolivetwodreams inthesamelifetime." "ButI do." "WhenI lookback onthatday," "I'mreallyproud ofmybrothers." "Man,theydid agreatjob." "Wewereabletofight ourwayoutofthat ambush and turn the tide on the enemy, and I don't think there are very many units that could've done that." "If I wasn't with men of that caliber," "I would be dead, you know?" "Yeah,wecamedownhere  intosouthin Fallujah." "Pretty nice building here behind us that they've taken over and it overlooks the entire area around here, including thepalmtreegrowth that they were really having a problem with." "Let's go."