"Previously on "In Treatment"..." "I love you." "I thought it's just infatuation, but it's getting worse." "You've become the center of my life." "Laura, I'm your therapist." "I'm not an option." "I didn't come here for therapy." "I just need you to write your opinion and tell me that I'm perfectly all right." "And tell them that I'm not some person that flies into cars every day." "Is that why you came here today, Sophie, for me to tell you that you're all right?" "Is that the test you're afraid of failing?" "I am going back there." "To the site where you dropped the bomb?" "To the place where the children were killed?" "Don't you think there's a strong desire there to... atone for your actions?" "Yes to the pregnancy or no?" "To have an abortion or not have it?" "Just fucking say it already." "Tell us what you think." " I think you should have an abortion." " Really?" "Hello, you've reached the office of Dr. Gina Toll." "Please leave me a message." "Gina, it's Paul." "Paul Weston." " Hello, Gina." " Hello, Paul." "I, um..." "I couldn't remember which entrance to use." "I was parking the car and I thought," ""Is it the front entrance or the..."" "You haven't been here in a while." "Sure." "Come in." "What would you like to drink?" "Coffee?" "No." "No, no, I'm fine actually." "That's where I sit." "Yes, of course." "S01E05:" "Paul and Gina, Week One" " You look very well, Gina." " Thank you." "It's not true but it's nice to hear." "The hardest part about turning 60 is that, in my mind, I'm still as energetic as a 30-year-old." "For six hours, I have all the energy of a 30-year-old." "The rest of the day, I'm an old, tired woman." " Oh, I can't believe that." " Would you like a piece of cake?" "It's sugar-free, though." "Doctor's orders." "Don't get me started." "I can't eat anything that I like these days." "Cholesterol." "You know, it's, um..." "It's kind of funny being here again." "Well, I'm retired now, so I turned this room into a study." "Yeah, so I see." "It's where I do my writing." "Oh!" "You're writing?" "About what?" "I don't know." "Maybe an article or something less formal." "Maybe something longer." "I don't know." "It's strange... being here... after David." "How are you coping with that?" "It was probably the most difficult time of my life, coming back home without him." "He was a remarkable man." "Yes, he was." "How about you?" "Oh, me... hm-hm-hmm." "Well, I'm, um..." "I'm working too hard." "I'm trying to lose this weight." "I can't." "Ummm..." "I feel like I'm having another midlife crisis." "Had one at 30, another one at 40 and now I'm having my third one at 50." " How's Kate?" " Kate's good." "She's fine." " And the kids?" " The kids, well..." "Ian's gone to college." "He's at Wesleyan." "Rosie -- hm, she's busy being Rosie." "Rosie -- how old is she now?" "17." "She's still exactly the same." "She's still got the world wrapped around her little finger." "17." "And, of course, Max." "Max is nine." "Max?" "Kate got pregnant after we'd last seen each other." "And so we had Max." "Everybody's favorite, like Joseph and his brothers." "So he's exactly the age Rosie was when you..." "Yes, when I stopped coming here, yeah." "Umm, Gina, I, I..." "I called you last night because, um..." "I really felt that I needed to talk to somebody." "It's, um..." "Actually, it's something that's been bothering me a lot... lately, but... only yesterday I really felt the need that I had to... to talk about it." "I feel that..." "I don't know how to put this but I feel like I'm..." "I'm just losing my patience." "I'm losing my patience with my patients." "I, I " " There are sessions when I can barely restrain myself from having just... from an outburst." "I want to just lock the door some days and wish everybody would just go away." "I have this..." "I have this couple who've been coming to me for marriage counseling." "They have one child but they have been trying for five years to have another baby." "So, she gets pregnant, and now she wants to have an abortion." "I think what she really wants is to get rid of the husband, if you ask me." "But anyway, this, this guy... really got on my nerves yesterday." "He cornered me, he..." "He badgered me until I made a decision." ""Should we have an abortion?" "Should we not have an abortion?"" "I finally said, "Yes, good, have an abortion."" "As soon as I said it, of course," "I regretted it because I knew that I had spoken in anger, but I..." "I couldn't help it." "This guy, he just... he said some really nasty things to me." "He -- he called me... a murderer." "I knew he was right the second it came out of my mouth." "Of course he was right." "I was sitting there, telling him... to kill his baby." "But still, I was..." "I know I'm not making much sense but... anyway." "And -- there's this girl who I've been working with for a year." "There's an issue... of erotic transference, and this came out now." "Everything is all about this issue, and I'm thinking to myself, "What..."" "You know, if patients could see what I think about them, if they could really see inside my head, they'd head for the hills, believe me." "They'd run for cover." "What about new patients?" "Are you taking on new patients?" "Yes, I am." "I think I take them on to prove to myself that everything is... is okay." "I've, uh..." "I've taken on this..." "this guy, he's a bomber pilot." "Cocky... arrogant kind of a guy." "Macho, you know?" "Flew a mission over Iraq, dropped a bomb on a school where 16 children were killed." "So he comes back, he goes on leave and then he runs for 22 miles without stopping and brings a heart attack on to himself." "So I'm trying to get this guy to see that maybe there's a connection between these two events, but pfff..." "Anyway, all the time I listen, you know, as if it's... if it's nothing." "But inside, I'm just..." "I just find it so... so disgusting." "And there's a... there's a girl who..." "goes to Rosie's school who..." "You're treating a friend of your daughter's?" "No, she's not a friend." "They're just in the same... in the same grade." "Anyway, this girl... idolizes... her coach." "Were you insulted?" "About what?" "That the patient called you a murderer?" "Yes, I was." "Gina, I know I'm a good therapist." "I don't know, maybe this week" "I need somebody to just tell me to calm down, tell me that everything's okay, that everything's all... all right." "I remember you said once that one of our biggest problems was that we don't have an audience." "We don't have anybody to pat us on the back, to... to approve of what we're doing." "Somebody that you can go to and say," ""Did you see how I maneuvered that person into that situation?" "Did you see how I got him to say what I wanted him to?"" "What I meant was, is that we have no one to criticize us, no one to review us." "Anyway, I..." "I'm beginning to feel anxious before sessions, and I..." "I must admit that I thought something was going on at home when you called." "At home?" "Why?" "Oh -- because it's... been almost 10 years since I last heard from you." "The last time you were here, you were so angry." "You didn't even come to the funeral." "I thought," ""How angry he must be." "He didn't even come to David's funeral."" "And I'm really sorry about that, Gina." "I had..." "I was gonna come but I felt that it was..." "I felt it was inappropriate." "Then you call me out of the blue." "Yes, because I needed somebody to talk to." "You were the one who chose to stop having a supervisor." "You said..." "I interfered with your practice, that instead of guiding I was interfering." "Yes, I said that." "But then there are times when a supervisor has to take a stand." "In your case I felt I had to take a stand." "I had to interfere." "But that's not the way I feel now." "I mean, that's ancient history." "Why do we have to go there?" "Anyway, whatever happened," "I always felt that... you were somebody professionally I could..." "I could at least talk to." "Me?" "I'm already retired." "Oh, I forgot, yes." "You're writing your memoirs." "No." "No, no, no." "I thought, that's what you meant when you said that you were..." "that you were writing." "Why, are you afraid I'll write about you?" "Oh " " I think there's way too many autobiographies anyway." "Who cares?" "Maybe somebody like Bob Dylan," "I'd be curious about that, but..." "How many people like him are out there?" "I'm trying to write a novel." "Oh yeah?" "Oh, wow, that's..." "I don't know, we'll see." "I've given myself a year to write." "I don't know what else to say about it right now." "I don't know." "Kate and I... we... we just argue nonstop." "I think it's beginning to affect my work." "What do you mean, you argue?" "Well, it's always about something insignificant, something trivial that triggers it off." "This time it was about Max... and being asked to go to these classes for... "gifted children", which I... just " " Is Max gifted?" " He's very, very smart, yeah." "Then, what do you fight about?" "She -- she knows how I feel about this." "I have said it over and over again." "I am against the idea of it." "What does she do?" "Behind my back, she takes Max to this... to this class, without telling me." " And, you know, they decide that..." " Who are they?" "This principal and, and, and Kate." "This, this girl..." "she's barely out of college, she barely knows my, my son's name..." "Pontificating, telling me how I should raise my kid." "And Kate and I start to argue about... about that, and then that leads onto other stuff and then we end up and it's like..." ""Oh, you care so much about your patients." "If you cared as much about your family as you cared about your patients, then it would..."" " Kate said that?" " Yes." "Yes." "She says I don't love her..." "That I..." "I'm always trying to be a step ahead of her, that I handle her like a..." "like a patient." "She says, the thing that she hates the most is that I see it "all from a distance"." "What do you mean, "it"?" "Her, us, it." "She says that -- you know, when it comes to us," "I'll never have any perspective." "She's right, isn't she?" "But I can't help but see it from a perspective." "And all I can see is... all I can see is rupture." "What do you mean, "rupture"?" "Are you trying to shrink me, Gina?" "Sorry." "And yet you were here for eight years." "Yes, what does that mean?" "You were under my counseling." "Eight years, I took care of you." "You find that difficult to accept?" "I was your audience for eight years." "Maybe I shouldn't have told you all this stuff about... about..." "Kate." "Maybe it's just because I'm exhausted." "I am... wiped out." "And I'm just afraid that... because of that, something will happen, that I'll... that I'll lose control." "I, I " "Anyway, we -- we didn't come here to talk about, uh..." "Kate... though, of course, just before I came here we had a big fight on the phone." "You keep saying, you didn't come here to talk about Kate" " but you keep talking about her." " That's because you make me talk about her." "I'm not doing anything." "It's been eight years, and I'm trying to catch up." "Gina, I'm not stupid." "There's always a reason with you, so don't... don't tell me we're having a nice, cozy conversation here about my married life." "Well... what do you wanna do?" "We could get together a couple of times and see how it goes." "Okay." "Is this time good for you?" "Yeah, it's... it's fine." "May I say something before we go on?" "What about?" "Kate?" "There's a sadness when you talk about her... in your voice." "There's something very sad about it." "I don't know where she is most of the time." "She tells me that she's going to the gym, and I..." "I look in her closet and... her gear is still there." "And I say to myself, "Oh, you know, she's... she's probably got another..." "set of running shoes."" "When I call her cell, sh... she never answers." "I let it go." "Usually in the evening, we're too tired and... so, a week later I'll suddenly say," ""Where were you last Wednesday?"" "And she'll look at me like I'm..." "I'm crazy." "And then..." "Sex." "Pfff." "Sex is out of the question." "Once a month if I'm lucky." "She hardly ever... you know, initiates." "I can't remember the last time she wanted it." "What about you?" "Do you want to?" "I think about it all the time." "What would you say if somebody came to you with a story like mine?" "I don't know." "We're talking about you and Kate." "We're not speculating about a patient." "Do you want me to say that she's having an affair?" "Because I don't know where she is, because of her running shoes?" "I always ask myself," ""If they were to diagnose therapists whose marriages fell apart, how many cases of erotic transference would they find?"" "What does that mean?" "That sometimes erotic transference in therapy is a test of your married life." "If a therapist can't handle a situation where his patient falls in love with him, it may indicate some breakdown in his private life." "Yes, but I don't think my marriage to Kate is falling apart." "Yes, I had a row with Laura..." "I, I, I mean with Kate." "Whose Laura?" "Rosie's friend?" "The girl with the issue of... erotic transference." "You didn't mention her by name." "You just said it had come up." "Okay." "She told me that..." "She told me that she's in love with me and that she wants to sleep with me." "Okay." "Okay, what?" "Are you saying that Kate felt that and that's where our tensions come from?" "Good material for your novel, Gina." "Come on, you know that... therapists get divorced like everybody else." "Please don't draw any conclusions, because there are none to be drawn." "Besides, my troubles at home didn't begin last week or last month." "How would you say her therapy is going?" "Whose therapy?" "You said, talking about your sessions, that you... cut things short, you have no patience, that you often feel guilty about your behavior." "Is that true also with Linda?" "Laura." "Sorry, Laura." "Look, Gina, you know that patients fall for their therapists every -- every few seconds." "What better way is there to air this than to bring it to the surface and put it out there?" "You know, this, this room is supposed to be a safe zone where we can open things up and talk about things in a controlled way." "But just to make things perfectly clear:" "this is transference, plain and simple." "Of course you and Mitchell and your New York gang have idealized it." "Gina, I didn't come here to talk about a patient." "I think you did come here to talk about Laura." "Instead, you keep talking about Kate." "You mentioned to me, offhand, that there's an issue of erotic transference, and instead of focusing on that, you go on to tell me about..." "a couple, a class for gifted children, a new girl who goes to school with your daughter." "So, what are you trying to prove here, Paul?" "That you won't talk about her?" "About Laura?" "That you can avoid talking about her?" "You know what, Gina?" "I think this was a mistake, coming here today." " I, I, I " " I, I, I think I'd better leave." " Why?" "Because you twist everything into your own preconceived notions " "Was there physical contact?" "No." "You hesitated before you answered." "Because I'm shocked at where this is going." "What do you think I did?" "Sleep with this girl and then come here to confess to you?" " When did it happen?" " When did what happen?" "Nothing happened." "I keep telling you nothing happened." "No." "No, no, no." " What did she say to you?" " She said... she was in love with me." "That was -- just last Monday." "This week?" "Yes " " Yes." "What is it you want me to say, Paul?" "You know, Ginie." "You're making it really difficult for me to come back here to ask you for help, reminding me all the time about how long it's been since I've been here, why I left, how I felt, how you felt, blah blah blah." "Was I that big a disappointment to you?" "Because I didn't stay your loyal intern, forever and ever?" "I'm just trying to understand what it is you're trying to tell me." "I'm trying to understand what moves you're trying to make." " What moves I'm trying to make?" " What are you looking for?" "Legitimacy?" "Legitimacy for what?" " How old is this girl?" " She's..." "I don't know... 30, 29." "I just wonder, when you talk about feeling guilty, is it about your patients generally that you feel guilty?" "Or is it about one patient in particular?" "Oh, give me a break, Gina." "God, I hope your novel doesn't sink this low." "What's bugging you so much?" "You are." "You." "It's unbelievable how much you're enjoying yourself." "Erotic transference happens all the time." "It's, it's simply a question of how one deals with it." "Now I know how to deal with it." "Can you honestly say to yourself that her falling in love with you is just a part of her healing process, and that it has nothing to do with you?" "Maybe you're a little worried because of your family history..." " that it could go too far." " Gina..." "Timing, dosage, tact, you're failing in all three." "I'm not my father." "My father was a doctor." "He left the house of one of his patients." "We're talking about a girl who has a crush on her therapist." "It's a completely different thing, and you know damn well it is." "You should get counseling regarding this Linda." "Laura." "Sorry, Laura." "Let's not call it counseling." "Let's call it talking." "Laura..." "Laura is her name." "God, you're so caught up in your little theories that you don't even remember her name." "Why don't you ask her?" "Ask -- ask who?" " Kate." " What, if she's seeing somebody?" "Oh -- that would make you happy, I bet." "I think you should ask her instead of driving yourself crazy." " I'm not driving myself crazy." " Are you afraid to find out it's true?" " Yes, I am." " But you're convinced it's not." "Correct." "Why did these questions make you so angry?" "I'll tell you why:" "because you are not being helpful." "Helpful." "Now I'm totally confused." "I mean, did you come here... to ask for my guidance?" "Or to talk to me as a friend?" "Are you seeking advice from a colleague?" "What role have you assigned me?" "I'm trying to figure it out, but I'm failing!" "Listen, Paul..." "It's not easy for me either, seeing you after all this time." "You walked through that door after everything that happened as though... it was nothing." "It was confusing." "I couldn't think of anybody else... to talk to." "You know what bothers me?" "When I walked through the door," "I felt that you looked at me with glee." "And you thought, "Oh, here he comes again..." "'Paul, the Failure'."" "And I thought," ""She's been sitting here like a sleepy old spider, just waiting, waiting for something like this to happen."" "Look at you." "You've woken up." "You're... you're full of life." "If that's the way you feel, maybe we shouldn't meet." "Yeah." "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all." "You should get -- professional help regarding this Laura." "I don't need it." "I think you do." "In any case, if you feel like talking, call me." "I wouldn't be waiting on the end of a telephone if I was you." "Why do these questions make you so angry?" "I'm not angry." "I'm really not." "Why you running away?" "I'm not running away, Gina." "Give my best to Kate." "I will." "Talk to her about it." "It'll make things easier for you." "Good night, Gina."