"What time is it?" "Nine." "But it's dark out." "That's because you always sleep till noon, silly." "This is what nine looks like." "I guess I'll get washed up then." "Watch that sunrise." "I'm getting tired of always sneaking around." "Me too." "What if we went away for the weekend?" "No interruptions." "We could be naked the entire time." "All weekend?" "That's a whole lot of naked." "I'll say I have a conference and you can have a chef thing." "I wanted to go to this culinary fair in Jersey!" "Okay." "You know you're not, though." "Let's go." "Okay." "Wait." "What about Joey?" "The One with the Kips" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "I'm going to a culinary fair in Jersey this weekend." "How weird!" "Chandler just said he's got a conference there." "That's funny." "Seems like Chandler's conference could've been..." "... inConnecticutor Vermont." "I'm not in charge of where the conference is held." "Do you want people to think it's fake?" "It's a real conference." "Is Rachel here?" "No, she's out shopping." "Damn!" "What's going on?" "I told Emily to come." "And I just need to, you know, talk to Rachel about it." "Wait a minute." "When Emily comes, you won't see Rachel anymore?" "I'm focusing on the "I get to see my wife" part..." "... andnoton thepart that makes me do this." "So you'll never be in a room together?" "How will that even work?" "I have no idea." "I mean... ." "But I assure you, I will figure it out." "It doesn't seem like it'll work." "Hi, guys." "What's going on?" "We're flipping Monica's mattress." "So I'm thinking, basically, we pick it up, and then we flip it." "That's better than my way." "Hey guys, would you flip mine too?" "Oh, man." "Oh, look!" "A letter from my mom." "So, Rach?" "You know how Emily's coming?" "Oh, yeah." "I know." "Can you hear anything?" "Yeah, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?"" "Hey, Joey's ass." "What are you doing?" "Remember when they fought and broke up..." "... andwewerestuckhere  all night with no food?" "When Ross said "Rachel" at the wedding, I figured it'd happen again." "So I hid this in here." "Candy bars, crossword puzzles... ." "Mad Libs !" "Mine!" "Condoms?" "You don't know how long we'll be in here." "We may have to re-populate the Earth." "And condoms are the way to do that?" "Anyway, it all boils down to this." "The last time I talked to Emily" "Oh, my God!" "Our dog died!" "What?" "Oh, my God!" "LaPooh, our dog!" "LaPooh's still alive?" "It says he was hit by an ice-cream truck and dragged for..." "... nineteenblocks!" "Oh, my God." "Sweetie, we heard you crying." "Please don't cry." "It's LaPooh!" "I know, it's LaPooh right now but it'll get better." "I can't believe it!" "We're here!" "Chocolates on the pillows!" "I love that!" "You should live with Joey." "Rolos everywhere." "I'll be right back." "Oh, yes!" "Get in here." "It's a high-speed car chase on!" "We're switching rooms." "Oh, dear God!" "They gave us glasses!" "The glasses have lipstick on them." "Who knows what else they didn't change?" "Sweetie..." "... Ijustwantthisweekend to be perfect." "We can change rooms, can't we?" "Okay, but let's do it now." "Chopper Five just lost its feed!" "You know how there was something I wanted to talk to you about?" "Oh, yeah." "I'm trying to work things out with Emily." "Well, there's this..." "... onething." "Here goes." "I made a promise that" "What?" "Your nose is bleeding." "Oh, God!" "You're bleeding." "Not again." "This happened when my grandfather died." "Sorry." "Gross." "Okay." "So I'm sorry." "What did you want to tell me?" "Sorry." "Sorry." "I can't see you anymore." "I know, it's ridiculous." "I can't see you, either." "I think you'll like this room more." "Okay, great." "They say he's only got half a tank left." "Half a tank?" "Still lots of high-speed chasing to do!" "We're switching rooms again." "What?" "Why?" "This has a garden view." "We paid for an ocean view." "Our last ocean-view room was unacceptable to you." "Excuse me." "Can I talk to you over here for just a second?" "These clowns want to take us for a ride." "I won't let them." "We're not a couple of suckers." "I hear you, Mugsy." "All these rooms are fine." "Just pick one so I can watch the" "Have a perfect, magical weekend together with you?" "This one I like." "Nothing." "Nothing." "It's over." "Damn it!" "This is regularly scheduled programming!" "Can we turn the TV off?" "Do we really want to spend the weekend like this?" "Am I getting in the way of the room-switching fun?" "Don't blame me for tonight." "Who should I blame?" "The nice bellman?" "Or the idiot who thought he could drive..." "... fromAlbanyto Canada on half a tank of gas?" "Do not speak ill of the dead." "We're supposed to be spending a romantic weekend together." "What's the matter?" "I just want to watch a little television." "Jeez, relax, Mom." "What did you say?" "I said, "Jeez, relax, Mon. "" "I've been wanting to tell you something and I just have to get it out." "Okay." "What's up?" "You know how you said to do whatever it takes to fix my marriage?" "Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants." "And while that was good advice, you should know that what she wants..." "... isforme nottoseeyouanymore." "That's crazy!" "You can't do that." "What are you going to tell her?" "Oh, my God!" "You've already agreed to this." "It's awful, I know." "But I have to do this if I want my marriage to work." "And I do." "I have to make this marriage work." "I have to." "But the good thing is, we can still see each other until she gets here." "Lucky me!" "Oh, my God!" "That is good news, Ross!" "That's the best news I've heard since LaPooh died!" "You have no idea what a nightmare this has been." "This is so hard." "Oh, yeah, really?" "ls it, Ross?" "Let me make this easier for you." "What are you doing?" "Storming out." "It's your apartment." "Yeah?" "Well, that's how mad I am!" "Damn Rolos!" "You're back!" "How was your conference?" "It was terrible." "I fought with my colleagues for the entire time." "Are you kidding with this?" "So your weekend was a bust?" "No, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator." "You're back too." "Could I talk to you for a second?" "How was your chef thing?" "It was awful." "Some people don't appreciate good food." "Maybe the food tasted good at first..." "... butthenmadeeverybodyvomit and have diarrhea." "How much was the room?" "I'll pay my half." "Fine. $300." "$300?" "Just think of it as $25 per room." "What are you guys woofing about?" "Chandler stole a 20 from my purse!" "You know what?" "Now that I think about it..." "... Iconstantlyfindmyself without 20s, and you..." "... alwayshavelots." "You should've seen the look on her face." "I don't want Rachel to hate me." "I don't know what to do." "You want my advice?" "Yes." "Please." "You won't like it." "That's okay." "You got married too fast." "That's not advice." "I told you." "I'm going to the bathroom." "If anyone asked me to give up any of you, I couldn't do it." "Me neither." "Maybe I could do it." "I know you guys heard about me and Ross." "But I've been obsessing about it and would love not to talk about it." "I don't know if this falls under that category..." "... butRossis rightbackthere." "That's not Ross." "Not that guy." "He does look like him, though." "Ross is in the bathroom." "Oh, my God!" "It's happening." "It's already started." "I'm Kip." "Yeah, you're not Kip." "Do you even know who Kip is?" "Who cares?" "You're Rachel." "Who's Kip?" "My old roommate." "We all hung out together." "Oh, that poor bastard." "You told me the story." "He and Monica dated." "When they broke up, you all promised you'd stay his friend." "And what happened?" "He got phased out." "You won't be phased out." "Of course, I am." "It won't happen to Ross." "He's your brother, your college roommate." "It was just a matter of time." "I just assumed Phoebe would be the one to go." "You live far away, you're not related." "You lift right out." "Hey, Mr. Bing." "That hotel you stayed at called." "Someone left an eyelash curler in your room." "Yes, that was mine." "I figured you met a girl and she left it." "That would have made more sense." "I don't even feel like I know you anymore." "All right, I'm just going to ask you this one time." "Whatever you say, I'll believe you." "Were you or were you not..." "... ona gaycruise?" "I'm sorry about the whole "Iifting out" thing." "You got to come with me." "Where?" "Wherever I go." "You and me, we'll start a new group." "We're the best ones." "Okay, but try to get Joey too." "Pheebs, do you mind if I speak to Rachel alone?" "Sure." "Bye, Ross." "Forever." "Why are you here?" "lsn't this against the rules?" "I talked to Monica." "Look, I'm the one who made the choice." "I'm the one who's making things change." "So I should be the one to, you know, step back." "No, no, it's okay." "Really." "Plenty of people just see their sisters at Thanksgiving..." "... theircollegeroommates at reunions..." "... andJoeyat BurgerKing." "Is that better?" "No, it's not better." "I still don't get to see you." "What would you do?" "If you were me, what would you do?" "First, I'd have said the right name at my wedding." "I can't believe this." "I know." "I am so sorry." "I know that too." "Hey, Rach?" "Sorry to interrupt, but Phoebe said you want to talk to me about a trip?" "I just came over to drop off..." "... nothing." "So that weekend kind of sucked." "Yeah, it did." "So I guess this is over?" "You know, you and me." "I mean, it had to end sometime." "Why exactly?" "Because of the weekend." "We had a fight." "Chandler, that's crazy." "If you always gave up after a fight..." "... you'dneverbe withanyone longer than" "This isn't over?" "You are so cute!" "No, no." "It was a fight." "You deal with it and you move on." "It's nothing to freak out about." "Really?" "Okay, great!" "Welcome to an adult relationship." "We're in a relationship?" "I'm afraid so." "I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention." "Saw him waiting for an elevator." "Can I use your eyelash curler?" "I lost mine." "It's in the bathroom." "Can I talk to you for a second?" "Yes." "Yes." "You?" "And you?" "But you cannot tell anyone." "No one knows." "But how?" "When?" "It happened in London." "In London!" "We didn't want to make a big deal out of it." "But it is a big deal!" "I have to tell someone!" "You can't." "We just don't want to deal with telling everyone." "Please just promise you won't tell." "All right." "Man, this is unbelievable!" "I mean, it's great!" "But... ." "I know." "It's great!" "I don't want to see that!" "We're so stupid." "Do you know what's going on in there?" "They're trying to take Joey!" ""The most popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe." "If you win, slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, 'Hi, Phoebe!" "' "" "That's cute." "We really all enjoyed it." "But it doesn't count." "For what?" "Just count in our heads as good Mad Libs." "I got to go." "Fun's over." "Wait, if we follow the rules..." "... it'sstillfun and it means something." "I'm going to take off." "Guys, rules are good!" "Rules help control the fun." "None of that." "Not while you're under my roof!" "Just because I know about you doesn't mean I like looking at it." "Aren't you supposed to be at an audition?" "I'm sorry I'm not a middle-aged black woman." "I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition." "If I pretend to not know about you..." "... thenyoupretend there's nothing to know." "Sorry." "I can hear that!" "Rachel's at work." "I can still hear you!" "The One with the Yeti" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "What's that?" "My mom sent me an heirloom that belonged to my grandmother." "Can you believe it?" "A year ago I had no family, and now I have heirlooms!" "Oh, God!" "Soft." "Is this mink?" "Why would my mother send me a fur?" "Doesn't she know me but at all?" "I have a fine coat that no innocent animals suffered to make." "Just Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody..." "... for1 2 centsan hour." "I made that up." "You can't put up flyers in here." "How come?" "Everybody else does." "You can't." "What is that?" "I'm getting rid of some things." "This is all of your things." "Yes, it is." "It's good." "Emily thinks we should get all new stuff." "Stuff that's just ours." "Together." "Brand new." "So it's a get-rid-of-anything- Rachel-ever-touched sale." "Touched, used, sat on, slept on... ." "I'll take it all." "You're okay with that?" "If I can just do what Emily wants..." "... andgethertoNewYork,  it will be fine." "Isn't that a little extreme?" "After what I did, can you blame her?" "You got off easy." "When my friend's husband said another name in bed..." "... shecursedhim and turned his thingy green." "What is he doing?" "Emily thinks Ross' furniture has got Rachel cooties?" "Calm down, Joey." "Everything's getting all messed up!" "Emily won't let Ross see Rachel." "We won't stop seeing Rachel." "Hence, Ross stops seeing us." "I hate this." "Everything's changing." "We're losing Ross." "Joey said "hence. "" "I'm not happy about this either, but if Ross says he's happy..." "... thenwehavetokeep  our feelings to ourselves." "Are you cool with that?" "But, you know, I'm an actor." "I'll act cool." "Storage rooms give me the creeps." "Please hurry up, honey." "If you want little round waffles, wait till I find the iron." "I want the little round waffles." "Here it is!" "Right underneath the can of bug bomb." "Is the best place to put something that cooks food underneath poison?" "You know what?" "I'll have toast." "Fog him!" "Fog him!" "I don't know what to do about this coat." "I'll take it." "That might work." "What do you think?" "You're on in five, Ms. Minnelli." "No, it's just a bit sudden." "It's great, okay?" "I am totally on board." "I love you too." "All right, bye." "What's the matter?" "Nothing." "No, actually..." "... greatnews!" "I just spoke with Emily..." "... andlookslikeI'm moving to a new apartment." "Why?" "Her thought is, and I agree..." "... freshnewfurniture, why not a fresh new apartment?" "Her cousin has a place to sublet." "It's got a view of the river and Columbia." "That's way uptown!" "That's three trains away..." "... whichisgreat!" "I love to ride that rail." "You're okay with this?" "It's kind of far from work..." "... butI 'llgetso muchdone on the commute." "I've been given the gift of time." "That's so funny." "Last Christmas I got the gift of space." "We should get them together and make a continuum." "Now he's moving?" "Man, what is Emily doing to him?" "He's not even here!" "You guys!" "We were in the storage area, and we saw this creepy man." "It was this crazy-eyed, hairy beast-man." "It was like a Big Foot or a yeti or something." "He came at us, so Rachel used a bug bomb on him." "I pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass." "Like, dark hair, bushy beard?" "Yeah, you fogged Danny." "Please!" "We did not fog Danny." "Who's Danny?" "Danny just moved in." "He just got back from a four-month trek in the Andes." "Nice fella." "He's nice." "You know, you always..." "... stickupforthe peoplewefog." "You might not remember us, but we're the girls that fogged you." "We're really sorry we fogged you." "Just so you know, we didn't mean to fog you." "We thought you were like a yeti or something." "Sorry to bother you, but we can't accept your acceptance of our apology." "It doesn't really seem like you mean it." "That guy is so rude!" "Really!" "What is with that guy?" "You'd forgive me if I fogged you?" "You did, a little bit." "Oh, my God, honey." "I'm so sorry." "I totally forgive you." "Really?" "You know my friend Chris who owns the crematorium?" "Crematorium Chris?" "Sure." "He said he would cremate my fur coat for free..." "... ifI bringin thenextperson I know who dies." "Oh, my God." "Look at these pelts!" "Don't get too attached." "She's having it cremated." "You're quirky, and I get a big kick out of it." "We all do." "But if you destroy a coat like this..." "... thatislikeacrime against nature." "Not nature." "Fashion!" "This is fashion?" "So to you, death is fashion?" "That's funny." "Here's Phoebe..." "... sportingcuttingedge hairy carcass..." "... from,youknow,the steeltraps of wintry Russia." "You really think this looks good?" "Because I do!" "I miss you too." "I can't wait to see you." "I love you." "Bye." "What is in here, rocks?" "No, it's my collection of fossil samples." "So, rocks." "I'll miss this apartment." "You know, Ben took his first steps right over there." "Remember when I ran into this and it knocked me out?" "I love this place." "To tell the truth, I wish I didn't have to move." "Are you saying that you're not entirely happy about this?" "If Emily gave me a choice" "You do have a choice!" "Why are you listening to her?" "Are you crazy?" "It's not right what Emily wants you to do." "She's totally" "Stop pinching me!" "You guys said to keep my mouth shut if Ross was happy, right?" "He just told me that he's not entirely happy." "What's going on?" "We all hate Emily!" "No, Ross, we do not hate Emily." "We just think that you're having to sacrifice..." "... awholelottomake herhappy ." "We just think that maybe she's being a little unreasonable." "Yes, unreasonable." "Unreasonable?" "How about we have this conversation when one of you marries?" "You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work." "It's compromise." "Do you always like it?" "No." "Do you do it?" "Yes." "Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky..." "... coffeeatCentralPerk." "It's real life, okay?" "It's what grownups do." "I think he's right." "You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much." "I feel so guilty about Ross." "I know." "I kind of feel like it's my fault." "Kind of?" "You should have kept this to yourself." "I'm keeping so many things to myself, something was bound to slip out!" "I think it's very brave what you said." "I can't sit here any more." "I have to walk places." "What's with the coat?" "How about the animal rights thing?" "I've been reading up, and for your information..." "... minksaren'tverynice." "Okay, I admit it." "I love this coat, okay?" "It's the best thing I ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley." "Remember Phil Huntley?" "He was fine." "So you like the short hair better?" "Yeti?" "Danny?" "I had to cut my hair to get rid of..." "... thefoggersmell." "Listen, I'm so sorry." "I would have never fogged you..." "... ifyouhadn'tlookedso...." "Absolutely." "Some people are just into appearances." "What?" "It's cool." "No, that is not cool." "You don't even know me." "You got the shopping bags and the Saks catalogue." "From that, you've got me all figured out?" "Well, you don't." "You know, I could have toys for underprivileged kids in here." "Do you?" "You know, if kids like to play with capri pants." "Stop saying that." "I hate that!" "I judged you." "I made a snap judgment." "But you did it too, and you're worse." "You're sticking to your judgement." "You can't even open your mind to see you might be wrong." "What does that say about you?" "That pizza place across the street any good?" "I'm hungry." "You want some pizza?" "You can keep yelling." "Stop saying that." "I hate that." "Are you still mad?" "Good!" "We have an "I'm Sorry" song." "You know what?" "I'm not in the mood." "Look, Ross." "I feel really bad." "You're going through all this stuff..." "... andI justactedlikeajerk." "We are so sorry." "You're stepping on the song." "We were way out of line, all right?" "We totally support you." "Whatever you decide, whatever you do." "Now you're just taking lines out of the song." "This is hard enough, okay?" "I really need you guys right now." "Yes, exactly!" "And that's why... ." "Why don't you come over tonight, and I'll make your favorite dinner." "Thanks, you guys." "Are you wearing fur?" "Let's get some perspective, people." "It's not like I'm wearing a seeing-eye dog coat!" "You know, I think I kind of understand why I lost it today." "You do, huh?" "You see..." "... I'manactor,right?" "So I got to keep my emotions right at the surface." "I got a lot of balls in the air, you know?" "It's tough." "Guys like me, you wander around, you're alone." "What are you talking about?" "I'm not sure." "Look at you!" "Where have you been?" "I went to have pizza." "With Danny." "What happened?" "That yeti is one smooth talker." "I hope you're not full." "Dinner's almost ready." "I think I'll probably just hang out in my room." "Why?" "Come on, you guys!" "If Emily knew I was having dinner with you, she'd flip out." "It's okay." "I really don't mind." "Wait, wait." "You know what?" "Just stay." "Please." "It would mean a lot for me if you stay." "Ross, I just" "Please, just have dinner with us!" "Settle down." "All right." "I'm sorry." "You see, Rach, I'm an actor." "Hey, look!" "Ugly naked guy's back." "We haven't seen him in so long." "Oh, God!" "I really missed that fat bastard." "This is so weird." "I realized this may be the last time we hang out together." "It's almost as if he knew." "I'll get it." "Hi, Emily." "You tracked him down." "Hold on." "Yeah, we're just having dinner." "Sure, hold on." "She wants to say hi." "Hi, Emily!" "Hello, everyone." "So who am I saying hello to?" "Well, I don't know about who's here..." "... butI cantellyou who 'snot here, and that's Rachel!" "I should hope not." "Ross knows better than that by now." "You know what?" "Rachel is here." "She's there?" "Oh, yeah, there she is!" "She's here." "Take me off speakerphone." "How could you do this to me?" "I made my feelings about Rachel perfectly clear." "I'm just having dinner with my friends, okay?" "You can't keep away from her." "That's ridiculous." "I'm moving for you." "I'm cutting friends out of my life for you." "Please, get on the plane and come to New York, okay?" "You're the only one I want to be with." "I'll feel better when I'm there." "I can know where you are all the time." "You can't know where I am all the time." "This marriage will never work if you don't trust me." "You're right." "Can you trust me?" "I think it's going okay." "Looks like he's smiling." "How can you tell?" "You can only see his back." "You can totally tell!" "Here, look, watch me." "Smile." "Frown." "Smile." "Frown." "Smile." "I guess that's it." "Why?" "What happened?" "My marriage is over." "Look at you, you're shivering." "Here." "Honey, is there anything we can do?" "You can help me get my furniture back from Gunther." "Stop tormenting me!" "This is mink, okay?" "They're mean, and they hate squirrels." "Most of these probably wanted to be coats." "Fine." "No, I get it." "Here." "You take it." "Are you happy now?" "I'm cold!" "Are you looking at naked tribeswomen?" "No, look." "That's a pig." "I know." "But look at the knobs on it!" "Emily's cousin kicked me out." "What?" "Why?" "When you sublet from your wife's cousin..." "... thenyoudivorce,sometimes the cousin wants his apartment back." "Didn't you sign a lease?" "Who needs a lease when it's "family"?" "You can stay with us." "Anything you need." "But you have to let us know when you feel better..." "... sowecanmakefunofyourhair." "You got it." "Thanks, I really appreciate this." "I'm going to get packing again." "I've been moving around so much that I feel like a nomad." "He thought you said gonad." "The One Where Ross Moves ln" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "If every place were this clean, it'd be tough making a living." "Oh, Larry!" "Do health inspectors work on commission?" "No, bribes." "It's okay to laugh?" "I was just kidding." "I'll check the kitchen floor." "Knock yourself out." "Yummy!" "Yeah, I'd let him check out my kitchen floor." "A ninety-eight." "I deducted two points for not wearing your hat." "That is a Section 5 violation." "Now look, Larry, honey." "I wrote the book on Section 5." "You only need to wear it in the kitchen." "Where's your hat?" "In the kitchen." "I'll get it." "There's the two points!" "You should really read that book you wrote." "You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew she'd go in hatless to get it." "You could have your own health inspector detective show." "I don't know about that." "But then I could be your sidekick, Voonda." "Maybe I could ask Voonda to dinner sometime?" "She would love that..." "... sinceyouknow all the clean places to eat." "I'll call you." "He's so funny!" "Thank you." "How's Ross doing since all the Emily stuff?" "He's not great." "But he's dealing with it." "Wait, you're not" "I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again." "He'll be screwed up for a long time." "Besides, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced." "Right, you only go for them five minutes before they get married." "Two pounds of mocha java." "It's Danny." "Are you going to go out again?" "I don't know." "He hasn't called since we went out." "I see him in the hallway." "We flirt." "I'm all..." "... andthennothing." "Wow, thirsty." "I'm having a party on Saturday." "Sort of a housewarming thing." "Fun." "Great!" "I'm looking forward to it." "See you!" "So I guess we won't be warming his house." "All right, I see what he's doing." "He's not asking me out because he wants me to ask him out." "And you won't do that." "That's right!" "Because that would give him the control." "So now he comes up with this "I've got a party" thing..." "... togetme to hint for an invitation." "Blew up in his face, didn't it?" "So there is no party?" "No, there's a party." "There's a party." "But the power?" "That is still up for grabs." "You follow me?" "I think so." "So he won't invite you to his party because he likes you?" "Exactly!" "Hey, roomies!" "I love what you've done with the place." "I know it's a lot of boxes." "I appreciate you letting me stay here." "Not a problem." "Since you'll be here a while..." "... wecouldputyourname  on the answering machine." "I hope you don't mind..." "... butI kindof already jazzed it up a little." "Check it out." "We will" "We will call you back" "Pretty cool." "You're fake laughing too, right?" "The tears are real." "You look beautiful this evening." "Show me the badge again." "Shiny." "You mind if I wash up?" "Who knows where these have been?" "You are just nonstop!" "We're out of here." "Why?" "I saw ten violations." "I'm shutting this place down!" "You have the power to do that?" "This does." "Shut it down." "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "You built a fort, didn't you?" "Kind of." "Oh, my God!" "The air purifier." "Ross' air purifier." "All I heard for four years through college was... ." "You should have gone out once in a while." "I hate this thing!" "Come on, Chandler." "Ross is our friend." "He needs us right now." "So why don't you be a grownup and come watch TV in the fort?" "I wanted to invite you to the party." "Thanks, I'll try to stop by." "Actually, I think I'm going to be busy." "You are?" "Remember, I've got that gala?" "What's the gala for?" "It's a regatta gala." "Do you sail?" "No, but I support it." "I hope I see you tomorrow night." "Take care." "Walked right into that one, didn't he?" "What one?" "You wanted him to invite you and he did." "He waited until the last minute." "So if I said yes..." "... he'dknowIhad nothingbetter to do than wait for his invitation." "But I said no..." "... whichputsme back in the driver's seat." "So the ball is in his court?" "Ball?" "No, there's no ball." "Joey, please." "Sorry." "Hello, children." "You want to play some foosball?" "Please?" "We moved the table into my room because of all the boxes." "Come on!" "I have one question." "What is the deal with this?" "Bye-bye, little puppet Joey hand?" "No, the quiet down thing." "You mean this." "I don't know how much more I can take." "Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with a show about bugs?" "My God!" "What if that had been porn?" "All right, this may be tough..." "... butit'sRoss." "I survived college with him." "I guess I can hold out a little longer." "Let's have a game." "Fellas?" "So he's out of here." "Got anything to eat?" "I went to Jono's and it was closed." "I took Larry there, but it was all violated, so we shut it down." "If this guy keeps closing our favorite places, where will we eat?" "I don't know." "Clean places?" "Yum!" "It's Danny." "Don't let him in!" "I'm supposed to be at a gala." "We'll be right there." "Can't you say it's later?" "What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?" "The fake kind." "I need a ladle." "You got a ladle?" "We have a ladle." "See you at the party." "You know what Larry would say?" "He'd say, "See you ladle. "" "I'm done." "You want anything?" "Sports?" "International?" "Apartment listings?" "I'll take sports." "Mine!" "All right, international." "That's mine too." "I'm ltalian." "I could check apartment listings, though there's never anything here." "Not even on page seven?" "You're right." "Here's an affordable place." "Two bedroom, close to work." "It's available in five weeks." "What about that circled one?" "It's kind of expensive for a studio." "But it's available now." "Isn't it?" "Yes, it is." "Let's go look at it!" "There we go!" "Guys, would you chip in for some new air filters for the purifier?" "I mean, after all, we are all using it." "Let's go quicker!" "Oh, my God!" "Look at this kitchen/bathroom." "That's great!" "So you can cook while in the tub." "Somebody was using his head." "Let's check out the rest of the place." "I think this is it." "I don't know." "Maybe we should keep looking." "But this place is available now." "You don't want to be stuck with us for five weeks." "So you think I should take this place?" "It's perfect!" "How about you?" "Kitchen, slash, bathroom." "I see what you guys are saying." "I'll go downstairs and fill out an application." "We are bad people." "He knew we were trying to get rid of him." "Could we get a bathtub in our kitchen?" "Ready for dinner?" "Absolutely." "Great." "You wanted to go to the Italian place on Bleecker St.?" "I love that place!" "So, no." "How about Mama Lozetti's?" "Sure." "How long has that milk been sitting out?" "No, this place is totally healthy." "This milk is mine." "I bought this today..." "... becauseI wasthirstyfor milk, you know?" "Okay, let's go." "Hey, buddy." "Health Code 1 1 B requires that refuse be taken out the back exit." "But then I have to go all the way around." "So you choose convenience over health?" "Stop, Larry." "Can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy?" "It was exciting at first." "But now, it's like, so where are we going to eat ever?" "I suppose I could give him a warning." "Thank you." "Go, go!" "If, after dinner, you still need to bust someone..." "... Iknowahot dog vendor who picks his nose." "Maybe we did good, helping Ross get back on his feet." "That was a nice place." "No closet space, but he could hang his stuff out the window in a bag." "What do we do?" "I don't know." "Maybe pizza?" "About Ross!" "It's the apartment manager." "Ross put us as references." "Ross is the greatest guy." "He's very reliable" "Of course, he has a big, huge dog that barks into the night." "Well, who doesn't love dogs?" "He's a tap dancer." "Yes, some would say that is a lost art." "He's a pimp!" "There you go." "He's a pimp." "He's a big, tap-dancing pimp!" "This is never going to work." "He's right there." "Just go say hi." "I have to go downstairs and back up, as if I'm coming home from the gala." "So just go distract him." "But don't be sexy." "What's going on?" "This is a great party." "Great food." "You know, most parties, it's all chips and salsa, chips and salsa." "So... ." "What's this?" "Salad." "And what's this?" "Bread." "Aren't you a chef?" "Right, tonight was your party." "You look great!" "I'm glad you made it." "Well, you know, the gala had to end sometime." "Don't go anywhere." "I'll be right back." "Whose court is the ball in now?" "I thought there wasn't a ball." "Come on." "He's glad I came." "He doesn't want me to go anywhere." "Ball's flying all over the place." "This is my friend, Tom." "This is the girl I told you about." "Come on!" "You telling people about me?" "I think you two could really hit it off." "I'm gonna to go mingle." "So you work at Bloomingdale's?" "My mom calls it "Bloomies. "" "At ease, soldier!" "I'm sorry?" "You can just drop the act." "I know what's going on." "You're Danny's wingman, right?" "You guys are best buds, frat bros." "I'm going to go talk to a friend." "Yeah, you go talk to your friend." "Go tell him, "Nice try. "" "He just keeps lobbing them up..." "... andI keepknockingthem right out of the park." "I think I need a drink." "Ninety-eight..." "... ninety-nine..." "... onehundred!" "Okay." "Go." "Dude, I'm telling you, I'm fine." "Here we go, here we go." "So I didn't get that apartment." "Some problem with my application." "You're kidding?" "But Phoebe said I could stay at her place for a while, so... ." "Well, you can't stay with Phoebe." "We're roomies." "You don't need me taking up all your space." "We got plenty of space." "There's still some by that speaker." "Please, just stay." "Are you sure?" "Definitely." "You have to stay." "So I'm a pimp, huh?" "It's okay." "Sometimes I can be a pain in the ass." "But just talk to me." "Tell me if something bothers you." "And I'll do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just... ." "Well, I see you've had a very productive day." "The cowboy hat's a little much." "Come on, it's fun!" "All right." "Isn't this a woman's hat?" "Dude, stop talking crazy, and make us some tea!" "Monica, that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever." "It was so good." "I think you killed us." "I couldn't possibly eat another bite." "I need something sweet." "Does anyone want to watch TV?" "Monica, your remote doesn't work." "You have to lift it and point." "Oh, forget it." "Let's play that game where everyone says one thing they're thankful for." "I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having." "Very nice." "The other day, I was at the bus stop..." "... andthislovelyfallbreezecame and blew this chick's skirt up." "Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs." "The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "It's not so much an underpant as a feat of engineering." "It's amazing..." "... howmuchtheycan do with so little material." "And they play with your mind." "Is it there?" "ls it not there?" "Are you aware that you're still talking?" "Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?" "I don't know." "Am I more thankful for my divorce, or my eviction?" "And I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything." "I'm sorry." "This is the worst Thanksgiving ever." "I am the king of bad Thanksgivings." "You can't swoop in with your bad marriage and take that away from me." "You're not going to tell about your parents' divorce again, are you?" "Come on!" "I want to hear it." "It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out." "It's a tradition, like the parade." "If the parade decided it was gay and abandoned its family." "Now, Chandler, dear... ." "Just because we're getting a divorce..." "... doesn'tmeanwe don'tloveyou." "It just means..." "... hewouldrathersleep with the houseboy than with me." "More turkey, Mr. Chandler?" "You're right, yours is worse." "You're the king of bad Thanksgivings." "I've got one that's worse." "Really?" "Worse than, "More turkey, Mr. Chandler?"" "The little rich boy had a problem with the butler?" "Yes, mine's worse!" "More bandages!" "More bandages!" "Please, can I get some more bandages in here?" "This man is" "In this life, Phoebe." "This life?" "Chandler's is worse." "It must be cool remembering stuff like that." "I don't have any past life memories." "Of course, you don't, sweetie." "You're brand-new." "I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving." "Let's not tell this story." "I know!" "It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head." "Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?" "It's not like it sounds." "It's exactly like it sounds." "What's going on?" "Oh, my God!" "I know!" "It's stuck!" "Step." "How did it get on?" "I put it on to scare Chandler." "Oh, my God!" "Monica's going to totally freak out!" "Help me get it off!" "Plus, it smells really bad in here." "Of course it smells bad." "You have your head up a dead animal." "Did you get the turkey--?" "Oh, my God!" "Who is that?" "It's Joey." "Is this supposed to be funny?" "It's not supposed to be funny." "It's supposed to be scary." "Get that off now!" "I can't." "It's stuck!" "It has to feed 20 people." "They're not going to eat it off your head!" "Hold on." "Let's just all think." "I got it!" "You pull." "I'll spread the legs as wide as I can." "Now is not the time." "Count to three." "One..." "... two..." "... three!" "It worked!" "I scared you!" "I knew it!" "I'm here, big guy." "There you are!" "I scared you!" "You did look like an idiot." "I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot." "Remember when Ross tried to say "butternut squash" ..." "... anditcameout , "squatternut bosh"?" "Yeah, that's the same." "That's it." "That's my worst Thanksgiving." "That can't be the one Rachel meant." "She didn't even know that happened." "So what's yours?" "I really don't want to tell this story." "Reliving pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving's all about." "For me, anyway." "And, of course, the Indians." "Of all people, you do not want me to tell this story." "What is that supposed to mean?" "Monica, I think Rachel's here!" "I'll get it!" "Happy Thanksgiving!" "Not for me." "Chip and I broke up." "Why?" "What happened?" "My parents are out of town, and Chip was going to come over." "And you were going to give him..." "... your" flower."" "Monica, can you just call it sex?" "It really creeps me out when you call it that." "And by the way..." "... whilewe'reat it ,aguy 'sthing is not called his "tenderness. "" "Believe me." "Happy Thanksgiving." "Everyone... ." "... thisisChandler." "My roommate..." "... andleadsingerofourband." "This is Monica." "I'm Ross' little sister." "I'm so glad you could come." "We've got plenty of food, so I hope you're hungry." "Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food." "I'm so glad you brought him here." "I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner." "As long as the Pilgrims didn't eat it." "Damn it!" "Does it feel weird around here now?" "You know, since I've been away at college?" "Not really." "That's cool." "I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut, Nancy Branson!" "I am never going out with him again." "I don't care how much he begs." "His begging days are over, now that he's with Nancy Branson." "I've just had it with high school boys." "They're just silly." "They're just silly, stupid boys." "I'll start dating men." "I'm sorry, Judy." "I couldn't find that bowl you and Jack were looking for." "Call them Mom and Dad, you loser." "Did you like the macaroni and cheese?" "It was great." "You should be a chef." "Guess what?" "All this stuff about Nancy being a slut was all a rumor." "Chip dumped her, and he wants to come over to my house!" "That is so great!" "I know." "Oh, gosh." "Listen, if you and Chip do it tonight..." "... promiseme you'll tell me everything?" "Totally." "It's not that big a deal." "We already kind of did it once." "But now you'll definitely know whether or not you did it." "I know." "And Chip promised that this time it'd last at least for an entire song." "I'm thinking of asking Rachel out tonight." "Maybe playing her that song we wrote last week." ""Emotional Knapsack"?" "Right on!" "But don't take long." "We're testing our fake l.D.s tonight." "Right, Clifford Alvarez?" "Listen, Roland Cheng..." "... ifthingsgo well, I may be out with her all night." "Dude, don't do that to me." "It's cool, you can stay here." "My parents won't mind." "It's not that." "I just don't want to be stuck here with your fat sister." "Why don't you finish off these pies?" "I don't have any more room in the fridge." "No, thank you." "Judy, you did it." "She's finally full!" "I called you fat?" "I don't even remember that." "Well, I do." "I'm so sorry." "I really am." "I was an idiot back then." "I rushed the stage at a Wham concert, for crying out loud!" "I can't believe you called her fat." "I can't believe you let George Michael slap you." "I am really sorry." "That is terrible." "I'm so sorry." "That's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about." "Yes, it was." "No, it was actually" "Thanksgiving's over." "Let's get ready for Christmas." "I have the cutest Christmas story." "We want to hear Monica's story." "Mine had a dwarf that got broke in half." "But, whatever." "You changed your major again?" "I had to." "There was never any parking by the psychology building." "Love your new nose!" "Dr. Wolfson's an artist." "He removed my mole cluster." "Want to see?" "No!" "Please, let me." "Happy Thanksgiving." "Your hair sure is different." "We were just talking about that." "We can't believe how stupid we used to look." "Where's Monica?" "She's upstairs." "Come down, everyone's here!" "Ross, Rachel..." "... andtheboywho hatesThanksgiving." "Oh, my God!" "What's the matter?" "Is there something on my dress?" "You look so different." "Terrific." "That dress, that body... ." "Dude!" "Sorry." "Yes, she's thin." "It's wonderful." "But we really want to hear..." "... aboutRoss'newgirlfriend." "Her name is Carol." "She's really pretty and smart." "She's on the lacrosse team and the golf team." "Can you believe it?" "She plays for both teams." "So I guess I'll see you at dinner." "Dude!" "Sorry." "Oh, my God!" "That was so awesome." "You got him back for calling you fat." "He was drooling all over you." "That must have felt so great." "It didn't." "Yeah, I mean, I look great." "I feel great, and my heart's not in trouble anymore." "I just don't feel like I got him back." "I just want to humiliate him." "I want him to be naked, and I want to point at him and laugh." "That, we may be able to do." "How?" "Guys tend to get naked before they're going to have sex." "What?" "I didn't work this hard and lose weight..." "... justsoIcouldgive myflower to someone like him." "If you keep calling it that, no one will take it." "And then..." "... you'renotgoing to have sex with him." "You'll just make him think that you are." "I'll throw him out in the yard, lock the door..." "... andallourneighbors will just humiliate him!" "You'll definitely get him back." "How do I make him think I want to have sex?" "Here's what you do." "Just act like everything around you turns you on." "What do you mean?" "Anything can be sexy." "Like this dish towel." "This feels so good against my cheek." "And if I get a little hot, I can just dab myself with it." "Or I can bring it down to my side and run it through my fingers..." "... whileI talkto him." "I can do that." "Good, good, good." "Get busy." "He's coming." "Hey, what's up?" "Could you make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year?" "I'd love to." "I love macaroni and cheese." "I love the way this box feels against my cheek." "And I love carrots." "Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers." "Like this." "And hold them down here while I talk to you." "And, you know, if I get really hot..." "... Iliketo pickupthis knife." "And I put the cool steel..." "... against..." "... mybody." "Are you all right?" "I'm fine." "Twenty-year-old male." "He's got a severed toe on his right foot." "Could you please not do that feet first?" "You know where his injury is." "Severed toe, you just said it!" "It says the knife went through your shoe." "They're made of wicker!" "Did you bring the toe?" "I have it right here on ice." "Don't worry, son." "We'll just reattach it and then... ." "What is it?" "You brought a carrot." "This isn't your toe." "This is a small, very cold piece of carrot." "You brought a carrot?" "Oh, my God!" "There's a toe in my kitchen." "I'm sorry!" "I'll go get it!" "All we can do now is sew up the wound." "Without my toe?" "I need my toe!" "I can go really fast!" "Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche." "I'm not falling for that one." "That's why I lost my toe?" "Because I called you fat?" "I didn't mean to cut it off." "It was an accident." "That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-a-lot?" "I'm sorry." "It wasn't your whole toe." "Yeah, well, I miss the tip." "It's the best part." "It has the nail." "Sir Limps-a-lot." "I came up with that." "You're a dork." "I can't believe this." "I said I was sorry." ""Sorry" doesn't bring back the piggy that cried all the way home." "I hate this stupid day and everything about it!" "I'll see you later." "Wait." "Come here." "Is there anything I can do?" "Anything?" "Just leave me alone for a little while." "I'm a duck." "I go quack-quack." "I'm happy all the time." "Nice try." "Wait, wait, wait." "Look, Monica... ." "This is not going to work." "I bet this will work." "You're so great." "I love you." "Nothing." "I said you're so great, and then I just stopped talking." "You said you loved me." "I can't believe this!" "No, I didn't!" "Yes, you did!" "No, I didn't!" "You love me!" "No, I don't!" "Stop it, stop it, stop it!" "Gauze!" "Gauze!" "I need to get some gauze in here!" "Can I please get some more gauze?" "This is getting ridiculous." "Hurry up!" "The flight leaves in four hours!" "There could be traffic!" "The plane could leave early!" "In London, there could be a line at customs!" "Come on!" "London might have gotten started..." "... becauseweneededtotake advantage of the show's popularity..." "... andgodo theshowon an exotic location..." "... andhaveagoodtime ." "There's so many people here from all over the world." "Lately, the show's been about us getting excited to go to London." "And then we realized in real life, we're doing that same thing." "Passport, check." "Camera, check." "Traveler's checks, check!" "Are you ready yet?" "Got the tickets?" "Right here." "Check!" "Yeah!" "London, baby!" "It's all London, baby!" "Here we go." "Ross is getting married..." "... tothisyoungwomannamedEmily ." "And I set them up by accident." "Why don't we?" "Why don't we what?" "Get married." "I've started to..." "... fallforthischaracter,Emily, played by Helen Baxendale." "And we decided to go all the way, I guess, and get married." "Ross has asked me to marry him." "I say yes." "And so we arrange a big wedding in London." "Things go a bit wrong." "We're not paying for your wine cellar." "You have to meet me in the middle." "My foot's gonna meet the middle of your ass!" "You want a piece of me?" "ls that what you're saying?" "That's it!" "Parents!" "Parents!" "Back away!" "This is our wedding day!" "From now on, everyone gets along." "And if I hear one more word..." "... nograndchildren!" "That's right!" "Sorry, old boy." "I could kill you with my thumb, you know." "We knew the show was popular in England..." "... andsoit seemedlike a natural fit." "I knew how big the show was over here." "It was exciting to be welcomed." "Everywhere, walking down the street..." "... bunchesofkidswatching." "So we've been signing autographs." "They're just big fans of the show, I guess." "I watch it all the time because my children love it." "They absolutely love it." "Tell my friend you like my hat." "What's your friend's name?" "Chandler." "Hi, Chandler!" "We wanted it to still feel like Friends  andsowe shotalotofit in front of an audience." "And it seemed like a really exciting opportunity..." "... toshootan Americansitcom in front of a British audience." "Do something!" "I am." "I'm ignoring you." "I'll be the on-camera guy." "All right." "First stop..." "... WestminsterAbbey." "What is that?" "That's London, baby!" "We were really afraid, going over, that either they'd be..." "... farmoresedateand wouldn'tlaugh...." "They were great!" "Big laughers!" "They waited in line for hours!" "We traveled 329 miles." "She's lying." "It's more like 200." "The show's doing so well over here that it just seems like..." "... they'rereal,realreceptive." "It's really wonderful and flattering and overwhelming, truthfully." "We didn't have a single bad audience." "Also, there was a greater sense of "event. "" "I think it energized everybody:" "the actors, the writers... ." "We're just excited to be here." "Like, look back there." "Look how cool that is!" "We missed Lisa." "That was probably the only drawback I can think of." "I first thought, "How exciting!" "I wonder if I'm going?"" "It's awful that Lisa's not here." "We feel like we have a limb missing." "Let's try some aversion therapy." "Look at the picture." "It's strange when one person's not there." "We miss her." "It's weird for all of us to be here without her." "She's in the episode, on the phone and things like that." "Hey, Pheebs!" "It's Joey." "Hey, Joey!" "I just saw someone that looks just like you, on the subway." "I was going to say hi, then I figured he doesn't care he looks like you." "That just cost me four bucks." "Part of me wishes I could go." "But I'm very happy to not get on a plane for a lot of hours... ." "Sorry." "I'm not a good traveler." "The Waltham residence." "Is this Emily's parents' house?" "This is the housekeeper." "And by the way, that is not how one addresses a person on the telephone." "First one identifies oneself  andthenasksfor the person with whom one wishes to speak." "This is Phoebe Buffay." "I was wondering, please..." "... ifit'snot too much trouble, please." "Might I speak with Miss Emily Waltham, please?" "It was also interesting because we had shot about a third of it here." "And a bit of it on the streets in London." "All right!" "Westminster Abbey!" "Hands down, best abbey I ever seen." "What do you think of the Abbey?" "I think it's great!" "They're thinking of changing the name." "To what?" "To "Put the camera away" !" "Man, you are Westminster "Crabby. "" "It was a really gratifying experience." "Pretty much everything we'd hoped to get out of it, we got." "When you can go on location even in Los Angeles that's exciting..." "... muchlesshaveyourwholecrew..." "Just the idea of bringing our entire "family" over here..." "... is,like,wild." "Yeah!" "London, baby!" "It's amazing to me how many people are excited about the show." "I knew how big the show was over here." "It plays a lot on television." "I saw it three times in one week." "They're very popular at home, but I didn 't know they would be here." "It's got a massive following in Britain..." "... particularlyamongmy generation." "It's quite sarcastic." "That's why it's popular." "We have great English character actors who are working with us." "And an opportunity to interact with the English crew." "We're about to be Ross' in-laws." "We're the Brits that you love to hate." "We worked with Sarah Ferguson this morning." "She was great and funny." "I was excited to be here today." "It's the first time I've ever done this and I enjoyed it." "I am a great fan." "I think they are all marvelous." "Most British people tried to hate them for being beautiful and funny." "I got a phone call:" ""Small part, a few lines." "Do you want it?" "Next to Jennifer Aniston. "" "And I went, "Oh, wait a minute... ." "Oh, okay then. "" "It's basically a "let's kick the Brits up the butt" episode, really." "You're gonna see a lot of comedy, a lot of romance..." "... anda lotof surprises." "And you get to see England." "Call the Queen Mum, say you enjoy watching Friends  andthatyouknowus,andshe'll  have you over for tea like that."