"= Translation by:" "AnnotatedSnark =- Love from Israel" " Sept 2007" "Audiences like thrillers." "It's pleasant, watching a story knowing how it's going to end." "In general, it's flattering to feel smarter than the authors." "The people in the capital contend that this improbable story took place in Moscow." "Odessa residents insist that it was their lovely city where it happened." "Leningrad and Rostov-on-the-Don disagree." "Seven cities contend over this, just as seven cities call themselves the birthplace of Homer." "To tell you the truth, it's unknown where this story took place, and whether it took place at all." "And so, as you've noticed, it was a dark night." "The anonymous man tried very hard to remain undetected, and at this he succeeded." "It was so dark, quiet and deserted, that one felt almost compelled to commit a crime." "Beregis avtomobilya (Beware the Car)" " Call Post number 2-06/B..." " Got it!" " Close down all the roads!" " Got it!" "Immediately get me the photos" " ...of the treadmarks!" " Got it!" "Tanya!" "You find out about the fingerprints!" "So..." "This is the third car to be stolen from the same area." "All three were done by the same hand." "Experienced and skillful." "Maxim Petrovich, this hand was working clad in cotton gloves from factory no. 8." "Then it's not "Gold Tooth" Peter." "And what did we learn from analyzing the oil which this criminal so enjoys using on the garage hinges?" "Turns out the oil is refined." "Did you notice that in that yard, where this theft occured, and nearby on the street, many garage-less cars are left overnight?" "I did." "And isn't it easier to steal a car from the street than out of a garage?" "That's a very accurate observation." "If one were to apply Stanislavsky's teachings about the Ultimate Goal, a curious thought arises:" "the criminal is advancing by the path of most resistance." "And why?" "Well, when we discover his Ultimate Goal, we'll catch the criminal." "That's grand!" "Comrade Investigator, I forgot to inform you of one detail" " ...that might be helpful." " I'm listening, Comrade Victim." "Above my back-left wheel, there was a dirty word scratched with a nail..." "Hold on..." "Ok..." "Which?" "Hello, Luba." "I'm back." "Comrades!" "Please fill the vehicle quickly, don't just stay near the tail." "Yuri Ivanovich, to get on the trolleybus enter from the other side." "Here I go." " Hello, Jacov Michaelovich!" " Oh, hello, Detochkin!" " Well, how's your uncle in Dushanbe?" " Uncle?" "Poorly." "And last time it was your aunt from Moldova..." "My first cousin." " I thought you said..." " She passed away." "Yes..." "We're all mortal, Detochkin..." "All but mortal." "But if people did not die, we wouldn't be able to sell life insurance, right?" "You cannot deny, Detochkin, that I give you special attention and care." "Each time your relatives get sick or die," "I grant you unpaid leave." "You're an exceptionally understanding manager." "That's true, Detochkin, but your relatives are plentiful, but I only have very few staff units..." "Yes, yes." "You see, your trips are interfering with our plans." "I'll make up for it!" "Really?" "Please understand, Detochkin," "I can't put personal considerations above public ones, I have no choice." " I..." "I'll make up for it!" " Well, go make it up..." " A policeman told me yesterady that the appointment letter isn't valid." " Why?" " Because you'll need to notarize it." " Alright." " Your signature, please." " Dima, sign it." "To be honest, I don't even know why I get insurance for my possessions." "What about fires?" "It would be a shame if such possessions were to burn down with no compensation." "Maybe we should insure our car too?" "Did you buy a car?" "As you wish." "Insurance for personal cars covers death, accidents involving collision or acts of God." " What about theft?" " Well, not theft." "Mr. Ivanovich, I'm not yet rich enough to pay for acts of God..." " And where do you keep it?" " Come here!" "Beige... not a garish color." "Don't you have a garage?" "Not at the moment." "I keep trying, but it's not at all easy." "The space is still only a promise, so no garage yet." "But I already got a lock..." "It's Japanese." "No one can fool it." "Yes, no doubt it's hard..." "Not even with a master key." "This calls for a blowtorch..." "Cutting with those is such a hassle..." "Please..." " So long." " Goodbye." "Well done, dear..." " Want a ride?" " I'm going the other way." "Suite yourself!" "Anyone who doesn't own a car dreams of buying one." "And anyone with a car wishes he could sell it, and refrains from doing so only because "then you won't have a car!"." "Man, more so than any other living creature, loves creating unnecessary difficulties for himself." "This is precisely the way to explain the wish to have your own car." "The thought that 5,000 Rubals, just thrown away on fancy wheels," "could poison any happy soul." " Mom..." " You're here!" "I still don't understand what sort of business trips an insurance salesman has." "What are you waiting for?" "Dinner's ready." "Wash your hands." "What's making your briefcase so heavy?" "Mom, it has all the stuff I need for my work." "You're scary to look at, you've become so thin..." "These trips are suspicious..." "I wrote the newspaper to say milk should be delivered..." "Oh" " Karchnoy won the chess tournament, but I was rooting for Tal." "He lost by half a point..." "Don't mock your mother!" " Welcome back!" " Thanks." "Eat, and don't slouch." "These trips look suspicious to others besides me." "Who else?" "Dumas' last book was a cookbook." "You're eating onion soup by the great author Dumas-senior." " It's good..." " These trips look suspicious to Luba." "And she's right." " She doesn't wish to marry a loser." " Did she tell you that?" "What is it with you?" "No, not now." "He's only just came back." "No, I think not." "That night, Maxim Podberozivokov was moving in an unknown direction." "From across this big city, in an even more unknown direction," "Yuri Detochkin was advancing." "They were walking towards fate." "They were growing closer." "Every investigator must have a hobby, to which he devotes his free time, left when he's not pursuing criminals." "For instance, Sherlock Holmes played the violin," "For Maxim Podberozivokov, it was amateur acting." "...the development of the popular art of amateur acting is moving forward with seven league steps." "Finally, new times are breathing down the neck of the likes of us, the collectives of amateur performance." "We are being expanded, with the creation of popular theater, by forming a select team out of local groups." "Today is a festive day for us." "We're creating a new popular theater!" "I hope it will be a sturdy organism... a solid..." " Comrade Detochkin!" "Sit down!" " What for?" "..." "Hello, Sir." "Pardon between these hospitable walls of our art house we find all the conditions for people of various professions to get acquainted with Melpomene (Muse of Tragedy) who was, as you know... a Muse..." "Our own community theater, you see, consists of two collectives of comrades." "Policemen, and, well... chauffeurs." " I recognized you." " But it isn't me..." "Sure it's you..." "You said: "A who is to judge?"" "I've never said any such thing about any judges..." "You did, you did..." "Wasn't it you who played Chatskov?" "Oh..." "It was." "I completely forgot..." "And now the two of us will be acting in the same play." " I'm very glad!" " Me too!" "Some say, that these popular theaters will soon replace, and rightly so, professional theater!" "And they are right!" "When I worked in the theater..." "and I was..." "Well, nevermind." "And obviously, an actor who isn't being paid will act with more inspiration!" "And besides, an actor should work somewhere..." "You see, it's just not appropriate for him to spend all his days in the theater, loafing about!" "I mean, how much better Yermolova could have been acting, if by day... you see... by day she worked..." "at the sanding machine." "The calling of the community theater comes with many responsibilities." "Oh, we played them all in our collectives..." "It's best to forget..." "Is it not time, my friends, for us to take a swing at our own, William... you see, well, Shakespeare." "Let's swing away!" "Here, an "Alpinist" transistor radio." "Careful, please." " Pardon, who's Dima?" " I'm Dima." " I'm here for Oleg Nikolayovich." " Which Oleg Nikolayovich?" " Your pal Oleg Nikolayovich." " I'm listening." " Sign it out, please." " There you go." " How many speeds on this?" " Three: 78, 35 and 43." "Cashier's over there..." "I require a voice tape recorder." "Either American or German made..." "Here's a great one." "Made in the motherland." "Motherland-made won't do, thanks." " A foreign one's hard to find..." " I understand!" "How much?" " What is it, Sir?" " I'm looking." "What is this, a zoo?" "Here's a TV, go and look." " Fifty." " Fifty?" " Get a grip, man!" " It takes finding, transport..." " Italian?" " Yeah." " It'll have to be resereved..." " Leave me your number." " OK." " "Belomor" cigarettes, please." " No Belomor." " What, then...?" " Well, then some Droog cigarettes, please." " Here, 30 Kopeks, please." "Taxi!" "Taxi!" "Please, Sir!" "I beg you!" "I'm late!" "Is this your car?" " No." " But you're the driver?" "No, no." " Then what are you doing?" " I'm trying to steal it, but you're in the way." "Then please, steal me along with it, I'm late for my train!" " You're really late?" " Yes." " Get in." " Thank you!" " Mind you, you're an accomplice now!" "Very good..." "To the Kurski station!" "There!" "I did warn you..." "Hold him!" "There he is!" "We got him!" "Hold the thief!" "Hold him!" "Don't let go." "Oh, you little thief..." "I'm no thief!" "I'm late for a train!" "Look, there's my ticket!" "He came prepared!" "Look how cautious he is, ah?" "Police!" "Police!" "Finally!" "Quick!" "We caught the little crook!" "He tried to steal my car!" "I beg you, hurry." "Hold him!" " Who's the owner?" " I am!" "I mean, we." "We caught the thief." "I'm not a thief!" "I'm late for a train and he took away my ticket!" " Your papers?" " Here's the ticket." " And yours." " What for?" " For the car." " We'll clear this up somewhere else." "Is there a witness?" " Me!" "Why?" "What happened?" "I'm not the thief!" "He got away." "Unfortunately, I can't remember his face..." " I'm late for the train!" "Actually, I'm too late already." " Hold him!" ""Shakespeare" Drama" " Yours?" " No!" "God forbid!" " Yours?" " No..." "Yes!" "I am a witnsess!" "Me!" "I look better in profile..." "Well, let me start at the very beginning..." "I didn't get any Belomor delivered this morning. "Oh well", I said to myself." "I'm tired of saying "No Belomor!" all day long..." "Maybe you could try to be brief?" "Young man, in your profession you should not be hasty." ""Belomor" is a lead for this investigation!" "This very person, the one who broke into your car, first asked for Belomors, and then bought Droog cigarettes." "Thirty Kopeks, with the little dog on the pack." "Then I thought:" ""Why is he nervous?" "Why?"" "Wait!" "Stop!" "What do you keep thinking to yourself?" "Every actor must have his lines memorized perfectly." "There's no need to run around the stage." "Act with your head!" "And no need to swear, either, or I'll take you off the field... the, ah... rehearsal." " I don't swear, I..." " Recess!" "About this part, Yevgeni Alexandrovich:" ""Let go, for God's sake!"" "Oh, let it go..." "It's recess..." " What am I to him, a child?" " Oh, don't get upset..." " Smoke?" " What are you smoking?" " Droog cigarettes." "Yes..." "Droog cigarettes..." "With the little dog... 30 Kopeks..." "Usually I smoke Belomor, but they didn't have any." "Out of Belomor, you're right, so he bought Droog." " "He" who?" " The criminal." "What criminal?" "A modern one." "Cultured." "I might even call him a new type of criminal." " What did crooks use to forget at crime scenes?" " What?" "Hats, cigarette butts, and now..." "Shakespeare!" "Don't be alarmed." "No blood stains here!" " So you're, what, an investigator?" " Yes, I handle car theft cases." " Theft?" "..." "No fingerprints." "The criminal works with gloves on." " But this does not interest you..." " No... it's very interesting!" "You see, there's no library stamp, no..." "I said, there's no library stamp, or an owner's name." "You know how some people write their name on their books?" "I know, but I don't do it." "It's a secret, but there's a "crew" in the city, stealing personal vehicles." "Four vehicles stolen from the same area in the past year." "Three!" "Oh, even you've heard." "Yes, three." "They failed to steal the forth." "But this will all end soon." " And how's that?" " We caught a member of the crew." " Who?" "A respectable person." "An engineer." "The wife - a doctor." "Two kids." "Only recently got an apartment, and this is what he's up to!" " What does he look like?" " A small fellow." " Kinda round?" " Yes..." " And... you arrested him?" " Oh, no need for such harsh measures." "He planned to escape to a holiday resort, but I now he can't leave the city." "What if he's not an accomplice, and you've robbed such a respectable person of his vacation time?" "My gut tells me he's innocent." "But a full inquiry is still a matter of a few days." "I already know the identifying marks of the crew's leader..." "Tall, wears a raincoat, a hat and carries a briefcase." "And most importantly, he's round-shouldered." "And how do you plan to catch the leader?" "Comrades!" "The second half please!" "We'd like a metal trap, please." "For a large animal." " Going for a fox, a wolf?" " A bear." " A wolf." "She's kidding..." "Could you tell me how it works?" "You place the bait here." " You have bait?" " Yes, yes." "The predator smells the bait, sneaks up... and he's caught!" " Lovely!" " Sign it out!" " Going well, no?" " Excellent!" "Now bring the ice cream..." "Sima!" "You're not in the forest!" "Guys, don't seperate!" "(also 'stand out')" "Join the Collective!" "Go on!" "Semitsvetov!" "Dima!" " You've got a blonde!" " Sorta beige!" "I love night rides!" "Guys, when I drink I don't get behind the wheel!" "Give us a ride, Dima!" "Give us a ride, DI-MA!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "The police invented a test tube where you go... *pfff*..." "You blow and it tells them if you've been drinking." "And if you have - they take your license, right?" " I'll go anyway!" " Sima dear, this isn't the beach!" " Don't lie on it!" "It's been polished!" " There you go..." " Say, I am totally loaded!" " Yes!" "I need to put myself in a horizontal position." " Who is it?" " Luba, it's me!" "What is it?" "What happened?" " You see, Luba..." "Somebody put bear traps all over the place!" " Oh, lord!" "Poor me..." "So unlucky..." "I was so unlucky..." "The criminal attempted to steal the same car twice." "I don't think it's coincidental." "I think he wanted your car specifically." " Makes sense..." "I came to the same conclusion." " But why?" "Still, setting a bear trap for a human being is not justified!" "You couldn't save us from the bandit, we had to try self-defense." "Why does he cling to your car specifically?" " You're asking me?" " Who else?" "Do you not suspect any of your acquaintances?" "They are perfectly decent people." "Well, perhaps somebody is jealous of you?" " Of what?" " Strange questions, Comrade Inv." "Check with medical clinics to see if they had anyone with this kind of leg injury." "Well, let's put your car under surveillance." " No, thank you..." "No need." " We're installing a shed tomorrow." "Yes?" "Oh, Yuri Ivanovich." ""Can't come"?" "Careful, the director will call for a penalty kick!" "Oh, your leg hurts?" "Well, then stay in bed, of course..." "I'll tell him." "Feel better!" " Whose leg?" " This leg?" "...Someone where there should..." "leg." " Well, then, give a call." " When?" "When your car is stolen." "Dima!" "They're confiscating Topunov's summer house!" " Who's confiscating?" " What are you, stupid?" "Daddy!" "They're confiscating Topunov's summer house!" "And rightly so!" "Long overdue!" "We must fight "alleged" scoundrels!" "Why "scoundrel"?" "(dishonest, bribe taker) The man knows how to live." "Tell me, what sort of wages allow a vice president of a knitting factory to "score" a 2-story palace!" " Simon Maximovich, it's his business." " No, ours!" "We must mercilessly fight any persons living on, shall we say, "ill-gotten gains"!" " Be quiet, dad!" " Scared you, didn't I?" "Why don't I just kick you and throw you off my property?" "Dad, I'm sick of your barracks-style sense of humor..." "Why always the kicking?" "Why so arrogant, son-in-law?" "Who the hell are you?" "This is MY summerhouse!" "Please don't argue, the workers might hear..." "Let everyone hear:" "it's MY summerhouse!" "Listed as yours..." "but built with my money!" " Try and prove it!" " Oh, stop it, will you?" "You live your life by proxy!" " Get awa..." " Leave the doggy!" "Car under your wife's name, the summerhouse under mine..." "You have nothing!" "You're dirt poor!" "Why?" "Why must I live like this?" "Dear god, what for?" "Why?" "Me, a person with higher education, has to sneak around, adapt and wriggle!" "Why can't I live freely, openly?" " Oh, when will it end?" " Never!" "What do you mean, though?" "Do you realize what I could do to you over this?" "Just like that!" "I do..." "I know." "Ah..." "He's scared!" "Show him some mercy, daddy!" "This guy must never forgot who I am!" "While he's just an ordinary scoundrel!" "Simon Vasil..." "I probably should kick you after all!" "Oh, I just gotta!" " Who is it?" " Luba, it's me!" " What happened?" "Another trap?" " No, this time it went... ok." "Thank god..." "You're going away?" "A business trip?" "Right now?" "At night?" "Don't blame me..." "I have to..." "because, you see, business trips are a complex thing to arrange..." "Luba?" "There's no need to get so upset..." "I'll be back in a few days." "I'll write you from there, ok?" "Luba?" "I am very upset too..." "Don't you see?" " Excuse me!" "Hello!" " Hello." " Our car, has a problem when turning right." " I'll take a look." " Yes." "Also, when shifting gears it makes this ticking..." " I'll give a listen." " And the front-right wheel overheats..." " I'll give it a feel." " Yes." "Also, two days ago the car smelled like gas all day..." " I'll smell it." " I think it's the..." " Open the garage, will you?" "Well, where's the car?" " Comrade Commander..." " Hello!" " Hello." "I see you're traveling alone." "Please, could you help me start this piece of junk?" " Help start the motorcycle?" " Yes, can't do it alone." " With pleasure!" "No... battery's dead!" "I've asked them a thousand times to get me a new bike..." " Yes, you can't live with an old battery..." " Tell me about it..." " So?" "On three?" " Let's give it a try!" "Get on!" "Ok, now give us a boost!" "Come on, little boost, little boost..." " Ok, stop!" "I can see you're out of breath." " A bit, yeah." " Well, now let me push you around." " What's the point?" "Listen, friend." "Let's tow it with your Volga." "You got a cable?" "Oh, who knows what's in there..." "I can't remember." "I'll have a look." "Got tow-rope!" "We're good!" " It's fixed!" "Thank you, friend." "You saved me!" " Don't mention it..." " People are friends to one another." " That's excatly right!" "I was in trouble - you helped." "If you were in trouble - I'd help." "Together we work at a common goal:" "you - your way, and I mine." " Exactly!" "Say, friend, is there a telegraph nearby?" "Not far." "Get in, I'll escort you." ""GAS STATION"" "I would like to ask for 5 days vacation due to the grave health situation situation of... of..." "my beloved nephew." "Thank you." "Oh?" "Oh?" "..." "Right, I see." "Writing it down..." "Right!" "Resting?" " Is something wrong?" " No, no..." "Nothing." " Who's the owner?" " Yeah, who's the owner?" "Me." " The documents for it!" " The docum--..." "I apologize." "The chase!" "What thriller story can do without it?" "One runs, the other keeps up." "This - is the unbreakable genre rule." "A thriller without a chase, is like..." "life without love." "Detochkin loved children." "He had no choice." "Detochkin saw that it was over." "He felt like shutting his eyes close..." "but feared of hitting schoolchildren." "But the inspector also loved children, and couldn't honorably cede to Detochkin." " You're nicked, brother!" " Oh, yeah?" "From the Police, it's useless to..." "What the hell?" "Wait up!" " You!" "Don't drive off!" "Wait!" " So, brother?" "What "so?" It's the battery again..." "I did warn you that you can't live with an old battery." " I've always feared it'll break during an important job..." " Of course!" "There!" "They couldn't just replace my motorcycle..." " My sympathies!" " You didn't get lucky!" " But you did." " Well, one of us two had to get lucky." " Right..." "So what shall we do, brother?" "Why did you run away from me?" "Force of habit." "You chase, I run." "Me too!" "You run, I chase you." "Maybe lend me a hand?" "We'll hook it up to your Volga, like we did the first time." "No!" "I've seen how you repay kindness!" "Sorry." "I'm going." " Don't interfere." " Look, the police!" "Lock the garage." " Commence!" " Up!" "Down..." "I've always said that this criminal is talented." "Perhaps even... more talented than me." " That can't be!" " No, it happens..." "Jesus..." "All in singles!" "No interrupt me, or I to start from beginning." "There - 5,500!" "Pardon, but why is all your money in singles?" "It's suspicious." "And who are you?" "The public prosecutor?" "I don't ask where you got the car, why there're no documents." "I can answer openly - I stole this car." "I can tell you who from and why." "I too can tell you honestly:" "I'm a pastor." "These Rubals - donations to Him." "Well, there was a bit left over..." "And you believe in God?" "All people believe." "Some, that god exists." "Others, that he doesn't." "Neither can be proven." "Are you gonna count again?" "I am!" "As promised:" "Grundig tape recorder." "Four tracks, stereo sound..." "But is it new?" " Brand new." "I checked personally." " Well, I'll take it..." "I remember." " Eighty." " What?" "You said fifty!" " Things have changed for me." " Well, this is a robbery!" "You don't have to." "I'll sell it." "in a second!" "So elegant..." " ...four tracks, stereo sound..." " I'll take it." "Mister, this item is sold." "Don't touch it, it's sold." "But why do you suppose he stole YOUR car?" " What's wrong?" " They caught me." "I'm a dead man." "The investigator came to see me." "They'll lock you up." "Next time don't steal..." "Semion Vasiliovich!" "You're in MY home!" " Jail is your home..." " Dad!" "Bad day for these jokes!" "Inka!" "What shall I do?" "What to do?" "Start drying crackers!" "Dima, don't worry!" "We need to bribe him!" "Bribe him?" "!" "Are you crazy?" "You're crazy!" " If you give a lot, he'll take it!" " Be quiet!" "Calm down!" "I won't allow it!" "A disgrace!" "Dad, why don't you go back to the marketplace with your wisdom!" "I sell strawberries grown with my own two hands!" "For bribery" " I'll destroy not only a son-in-law, but my own daughter!" "Don't worry..." "In jail you'll be re-educated." "Ten years from now, you'll return a new man!" "Put the birdie down!" "Should have married an orphan..." "Don't worry, I really do have all that money." "Here, a full bag." "Do you really want to transfer that amount" " ...to that orphanage?" " Yes." "Did you grow up there?" "Are these your personal savings?" "Well, how shall I put it..." "I, too, played a part in it." " Hello." "I'm looking for Yuri Ivanovich Detochkin." " Please enter." " I'm Yuri's mother." " Nice to meet you." "I'm from the community theater." "I'm so glad Yuri's in the theater." " I think he has skill." " He's really talented!" " He didn't show up for rehearsal..." " Sweetheart, he's on a business trip." "I hate his business trips!" "Running off at night, disappearing." " Luba's got a point, it's not right!" " But when...?" "Luba - that's his bride." "There's her photo." "He's kind of old-fashioned." "His courtship was very long." "She drives the trolleybus." "Admirable woman." "They met when he came to sell her insurance..." "Tell me, what sort of business trips could an insurance agent even have?" "Why does he return nervous?" " You know..." " What is it you do?" " I'm an investigator." "Well you should figure this out!" "When I was young, I was being courted by an investigator." "But I married a man from the Red Army." "The whole battalion came to the wedding!" "We sang: "Our train flies forward, next stop - in The Commune!"" " Do you know it?" " (he recites next line)" " But when did he leave?" "For how long?" " Two days ago, at night." "And the strangest thing was he came to bid goodbye to Luba in some Volga." " Well, a taxi then." " No!" "He was behind the wheel!" " Can Yuri really drive a car?" " Yuri?" "He was a driver for 10 years." "He had an accident, got a concussion." "He lay in the hospital, I sat next to him." "The doctors advised him to stop driving for a while, and he became an insurance salesman, temporarily." "I can't wait till they're married." "I dream of a grandson." "Or daughter..." "What's with you?" "What city did you send your employee ...Mr. Detochkin on a business trip?" "I didn't send him anywhere." "You see..." "Detochkin has many sickly relatives, in various cities in the Soviet Union." "I recently got a telegram..." "There it is." "Yet another nephew... a beloved one, got sick." "He took an unpaid vacation." "Maxim was beside himself." "Memories burned in his heart." "How cleverly Detochkin had masked his interest in the gang leader's pursuit!" "Hypocrite!" "How he stole a car using a crane!" "Sneaky liar!" "Thief!" "Traitor!" "He betrayed what's most important:" "friendship!" "No mercy for such a man..." "Mom?" "It's me." "Just got back." "I'm healthy." "Everything calm at home?" "No visitors?" "You've really done it with your community theater!" "The was an investigator looking for you!" " En garde, Sir!" " I'm at your service..." "It's my honor to attack you..." " Where've you been hiding?" " What?" "I had a business trip!" "And how's the nephew doing?" " What nephew?" " The beloved one!" "And the wolf trap?" "The injured foot?" "And the Droog cigarettes?" "Stop improvising!" "There were no "Droog" cigarettes in Shakespeare's time!" "And why suddenly the past tense?" " Podberozivokov!" " Yes?" "What do you keep thinking about?" "Stop!" "Stop waving that sword!" " What a blow!" " Calm down!" " Where is he?" " He's awake!" " He's alive." " Take five!" " How many cars did you sell?" " Four." "Suppose it's four." "In perfect condition, they're worth quite a bit of money!" "What made you this way?" "Such a good mother, sings about trains..." " Pardon me, are you a loony?" " No." "I even have a note..." "Actor..." "What an actor!" "I've always said: real criminals, as a rule, are good actors!" "I'm observant!" "You stole only from people you thought were scoundrels!" "I knew right away." "Did you think in court they'd give you a year or two less?" "Where are you hiding the money?" " Here." " I see!" "Hello!" "Why didn't you tell me right away?" "I ask that you and your friend move to a private booth." " Thanks, no need." " Raichka!" "Lubochka!" "They'll bring you fresh beer!" "Just got a shipment!" "And some vobla fish..." " The vobla (dry salted fish) is fresh too?" " Funny guy, your friend!" "So tell me..." "No news about the car?" " No, but soon." " Good." "Please, eat..." " Let's get out of here." " Let's stay a bit, if that's ok." "In jail they probably won't feed me like they do here..." " What's this?" " Change of underwear, just in case." " And these?" " Permits, receipts, documents." " What documents?" "Where's the money?" " This is the money..." "What?" "You gave the money away to orphanages?" " How much did you keep?" " I kept nothing." "Only for travel and expenses." "Yes, dear viewer." "Detochkin didn't take any money." "True, he's a thief, but he's a selfless, honest human being." "They've put some accounting documents on their table." "It's the review board..." "Server our "brand name" beer"." "Ok." "I did not sell the first car." "I left it for the police at the station." "I put on the wind shield a long note explaining everything." "While I took a train home." "The second car..." "it wasn't entirely fair." "I drove it over to the police too, and again left a note, saying the owner's a scoundrel!" "But they returned it to him..." "Then I decided to start selling them." "I love you!" "Here, it's the warrant for your arrest!" "Now give it back!" "Here." " Now I shall tear it apart!" " Maxim!" "You mustn't!" " Yura!" " Don't you dare!" "You'll get in trouble!" "Maxim!" "Fellows!" "We're friends!" "Hey, guys!" "Hey, boss!" "It's ok!" "Boss!" "It's all good!" "Boss!" "So take it!" "I'm giving it to you!" "Come in!" "Goodbye!" "So long!" "Friend!" "Friend!" "(singing: if I fall ill, I won't go to the doctors.)" "(I'll turn to my friends, and I'm not kidding either...)" "Listen, friend!" "Don't put me away until opening night, I beg you." "I won't put you away at all!" "Live free!" "A role like this, comes once in a lifetime, you see?" "Play opening night, and then all the shows after that!" " No need to let me play the rest." " No!" "There IS a need!" " Oh, you..." " I'm off to Luba's." "Don't get hit by a car!" "Why did you do it?" "Who asked you?" "Who made you do it?" "Look at yourself!" "I mean... you're an idiot." "You're talking like a 3-year-old." "Why did you sit down?" "Get up!" "What to do?" "My God!" "Did you think about me?" "No?" "No." "You've only ever thought of yourself!" "They'll put you in jail, Yura," " ...and they'll be right to do so." " They will be wrong." " Yes." " No." " Button that..." "I'll wait for you, Yura." "Five years, eight years, ten years." " As long as it takes..." " Thank you..." "Ten... that means I'll be forty six by then." " Yes, that's... well..." " My God!" " Who did I get involved with?" "!" " Who with indeed?" "Well?" "No, I mean just look, see what you look like..." "What do I look like?" "My God!" "You've ruined my life..." "Yurachka!" "Yura!" " Good morning." "It's me!" " Hello!" "Tell me, have you heard that there was another car stolen today?" "And did you look out your window today?" "Hello?" "Hello!" "Say something." "You're looking out the window, are you?" "And?" "Why did you do that?" "Since when are you stealing car from honest people?" "What of your principles?" "Oh, but it's Stelkin's car, and he takes bribes!" "What Stelkin?" "This car belongs to a famous scientist!" "A PhD!" "On moment, I'll just verify with my files." "He has files!" "Pitiful bureaucrat!" "THe car is Stelkin's, and he takes bribes!" "It can't be!" "Could I be wrong?" "Take the car back to him immediately!" "And as for you..." "I advise you to get over here, as they say, "all packed and ready"!" "What about the show?" "There will be no show!" "Enter!" "Here's the account about all the work done." "The report... about my arrest." "Good evening!" " Congratulations on the premiere!" " You too." "They got me such a funny wig!" "Why would you need a wig?" "You've spent your whole life "in costume"." "And why do you talk about my life in some past tense?" "Trial's tomorrow!" "You're looking at 5 years." "I have mitigating circumstances:" "I'm an honest person." "Like what?" "Stealing cars from criminals to sell to other criminals?" "Honest indeed..." "So my job had some drawbacks." "Whose doesn't?" "You, for example, for a long time you failed to catch me." "It's hard to catch a person leading a double life!" " Lying and cheating everone!" " I was constantly tormented by that." "Tie the bow for me." "No good deed can go hand in hand with lying and dishonesty." "You played judge and executioner!" "What gave you the right?" "In all conscience, this is all a folly and a crime." "Crime..." "You're in custody, where are you going?" " So you think I'm guilty too?" " Yes!" "Comrades, we've got a full house!" "Everyone on stage, please." "Oh, don't forget to say:" ""To be or not to be?"" "Still not ready?" "Here, Hamlet, my handkerchief!" "Wipe your forehead!" "The Queen drinks to your success, Hamlet!" "The third time, Laertes, stop kidding." "I ask you, attack with all your might!" " I'm afraid you think I'm a wuss." " You think!" "We begin!" "Let us forgive each other, honorable Hamlet." "Heaven make thee free of it!" "I follow thee." "Horatio!" "I am dead..." "Mother, adieu!" "Yura, I'm here!" "Stand up!" "Court is in session!" "The trial continues." "Detochkin circumvented the law, but the law doesn't joke around." "In all his years, the judge had never before seen such a strange, paradoxical case." "The law could take Detochkin's freedom for as much as 5 years." "Detochkin isn't just a thief - but worse!" "He's a bandit!" "He should be tried for brigandage and breaking and entering!" "This guy went after what is most sacred for us!" "The constitution!" "It says there: "Every person has the right to own property and it's protected by law." Every man has the right to own a car, a summer home, books... money!" "Comrades, nobody's canceled money yet." "From each according to their ability, to each according to their need... in cash." "Let the court note, that there are criminal charges against this witness, Mr Semitsvetov." " Daddy!" " No matter, dear, you'll find another, an honest one." "While Dima Semitsvetov's future was gradually become clearer, the future of Yuri Detochkin remained vague." "Finally, the court called the most important witness:" "Maxim Podberozivokov." "Distinguished memeber of the court." "First I lead this case as an investigator." "But when it turned out that the defendant was my friend," "I resigned from leading the case, and am now appearing only as a witness." "I understand, your honors, it's a complex issue:" "Detochkin broke the law, but his motives were noble!" "He was selling the cars, but giving the money to children." "He is, of course, guilty." "But he's not... guilty." "Please spare him, your honors." "He's a VERY good person." "And an excellent worker!" "Well, you don't know, so shut up!" "Free Yura Detochkin!" "Quiet!" "I deman silence, or I'll clear this court!" "The defendant - the final word is yours." "Your honors, perhpas I wasn't acting right but with a pure heart." "I couldn't stand it..." "I mean, people steal!" "..." "A lot!" "I tried to help you, your honors." "That's why... this happened." "Let me go." "Please." "I won't do it again." "Honestly, I won't." "As we already know, audiences like thrillers." "It's pleasant, watching a story knowing how it's going to end." "This unlikely story - nobody knows where it took place, ...and whether it took place at all - is nearing its end." "Hello, Luba." "I am back."