"I'm better now." "I think it helped." "That's good." "Things been busy?" "Things are always busy, James." "I was thinking," "I could just [?" "] you how land and drive myself to Boston." "That way you wouldn't have to leave the farm." "What do you think?" "We need to talk about you going to college." "FAIR HAVEN ORCHAND" "James." "That was my money, you had no right to use it!" "Sometimes life is unfair, we both know that." "There were hospital bills, and the funeral had to be paid for." "Not to mention your treatment" "Look, I've been putting some money away while you were gone so," "If you could just help with the harvest next Fall then maybe you could go to college in a year." "I already deferred my enrollment once and give my spot to somebody else." "I'm doing my best, James." "Jesus." "When was the last time you fantasized sexually about a man?" "About four months ago, I guess." " Nothing since then?" " No." " Dreams?" " Gay dreams?" " No." " What about women?" " I think about women often." " And what do you think about when you masturbate?" " I don't masturbate." " You looking forward to go home?" " No, I've had a very nice time here." "I'm not trying to trick you." "I'm sure it would be very nice." " Have you spoken with your father?" " He called on my birthday." "How's he doing?" "Seems fine." "James did your father ever seek counciling after your mother passed away?" " He may not dealt with his grief." " My father' is a very strong man, I don't think he'll need therapy for anything." "Sometimes even strong people need someone to talk to." "I'm sure he'll be glad to have you around before you head off to ..." "Berklee College of Music." "You must be looking forward to that." "Yes, very much." "When you came here you said your greatest desire was to become a concert pianist." "Is that still the case?" "I'd still like to but... it's not the most important thing in life anymore." "What is now?" "God," "I'd like to settle down, meet a girl have a family." "I am sure you can still fit music in there somewhere." "Being away from home you're going to find yourself in a lot of new situations" "It'll be a lot of temptations out there for you." "I know." "I'll be good." "I'm sure you will." "Well, I think that's badassery." "Once more before taking the road?" "Our Father who hart in heaven ." "We ask you to bless James as he goes forth from here today." "To watch over him as he walks through temptation." "Guide him, help him, deliver him from evil." "Lead him on your path to salvation." "Help him to avoid the sins of the flesh" "And to embrace the glory of your light." "We ask these things in your name, oh Lord" "And pray." " Amen." " Amen." "Goddamit!" " You okay?" " Yeah, just stupid." "Watch out the handle is really hot." "I've been thinking." "Maybe taking a course at the Community College would be a better idea." "Give you a leg up." "I don't know the courses they have I don't know if Berklee would accept them." "If I were you I wouldn't go to Boston I'd stay closer to home." "Vermont Tech is a good school." "Dad, I'm studying music." " What to be a teacher?" " Maybe." "Or play." "Okay." "That's what I wanna do." "But less." "Look, if I'm paying for this I want you to major in either agricultural business or something like that." " Maybe I will pay for it." " And how you gonna do that?" "I'll find a job." "Doing what?" "Whatever I have to." "A minimum wage is not gonna pay the bills and school both." "Dammit!" "I'll figure it out." "Why do you have to make things so difficult?" "I want what's best for you." "You know, one day you gonna inherit this place." "You gonna have this place all to yourself." "Not any time soon." "We can hope not." "But when you do, I want you to be able to run it." "That's mine so I'll have to sell it." "No, you will not sell this farm." "This farm was your grandfather's, this farm is my grandfather's!" "This place is home, this place is a roof over your head it's money in the bank when you needed." "You don't understand that now, you have no idea." "But one day you'll appreciate it." "Why can't you see I'm just trying to do what's best for you?" "I'll take a look at those classes." "The Community College." " I appreciate it." " Yeah." "You can just drive around back to load in the dock." "Someone can give you a hand." "Make sure you get a receipt." "Can you handle that?" "Yeah." "James?" "!" "When did you get back?" "A few days ago." " How are you?" " I'm fine." " What are you doing here?" " I work here." "We can't be friends anymore, okay?" "Friends?" "I can't be around you." "I see." "Things are different now." "I'm different." "So you..?" "I got to go." "How are you feeling right now?" "Sad." "Can you expand on that?" "Sad?" "How?" "Describe it." "Alone." "I feel alone." "Lonely." "Do you miss your mother?" "Yes." "Your father?" "What about your friends?" "Were you close to them?" "Did you have any special friends?" "You mean like best friends?" "More special than that." "Do you have a girlfriend?" "No." "What about a boyfriend?" "It's okay." "You can tell me." "Yes." "How many?" "One." "What is his name?" "Charlie." "Were you intimate?" "It's okay, you can tell me." "Sometimes." "How that make you feel?" "I don't know." "Good I guess." "Sins makes us feel good while we're commiting it, James but that doesn't mean it's good for us." "It can really mess us up inside." "And when we're done, we feel bad about it." "Does that make sense?" "Yes." "Charlie is like a drug." "It's hard being away from him right now I know but being with him would be worse." "Once he's out of your system I promise you, you're going to feel so much better." "And then you gonna wonder why you ever had him in your life." "Did you get that receipt?" "Well?" "Dad can you take care of this from now on?" "Why?" "I give you one simple job you can't even do that?" " Forget it." "I need the receipts." " What?" " I need the receipts for the apples!" "Dammit." "Hurry up please." "What did they do to you?" "Don't worry about it." "Are you happier?" "You seem happier." "Maybe I should be send " "I wanna go to church." " What now?" " On Sunday." " Alright?" " Yeah I guess." "When you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness" "So what fruit did you then get from the things which you are now ashamed?" "The end of those things is death." "But now that you've been freed from sin and enslaved to God," "The fruit that you get is eternal life." "For the wages of sin is death and the gift of God, is eternal life." "In Jesus Christ" "Our Lord." " Thank you." " Thank you." "Richard." "James." "So great to have you back with us." "How have you holding up?" " He's doing alright." " That's good to hear." " How old are you now?" " I'm 19." " My Suzi just turned 19." "She's going to UVM in the Fall." " That's a good school." "James is saying good bye for Vermont Tech." "Maybe Suzi could give him some advise." "I'm sure she would love that." "Hang on, Suzi, could you come here honey?" " Suzi, you remember James?" " Yeah, not well, we were a year apart in school." "He's going to college in the Fall." "Maybe you could help him with his application." "Yeah I would love to." "Let me give you my number." "Yeah." "Yeah, sure." "ONLINE REGISTRATION SELECTED COURSES AGRICULTURE 9:00-10:00 MUSIC THEORY 9:00 - 10:30 musical theory: 9:00 to 10:30" "It looks good." " How many can I take?" " One should be enough now." "Okay." "Have you called Suzi yet?" " No." " She seems like a nice girl." "Pretty too." "Yeah." "James, come on in!" " How are you?" " Okay." "Great." "Suzi!" "She'll be right down." " Hi." " Hi." "So do you want to come to my room?" "Here's my application." "Take a look at it." "Thank you." "I get the feeling you're not really looking for help with this." "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude." "Why the lack of interest?" "My dad wants me to apply to a state school, but I was..." "I'd like to go somewhere else." "Where do you wanna go?" "I was accepted at Berklee College of Music in Boston." "Wow congratulations!" "Thank you." "Dad says it's not practical though." "I see." "He's probably just trying to do what he thinks is best for you." "You are engaged." "No, it's a promise ring." "What is that?" "It means I've promised to stay a virgin until I'm married." " It's silly, it's okay." " No, I don't think so." "Well, you know..." "I should..." "I have some stuff to do I'm sorry." " I'm sorry I wasn't of much help." " Don't worry about it I'll figure out." "And if you have any more questions you have my number." "Or, we could just hang out, you know it could be funny too." " Hang out?" " Yeah." "We could grab some dinner, watch a movie have something fun." "Sure." "You don't have to if you don't want to." "Yeah..." "I need to check my schedule." "I'll give you a call." " Alright." " Okay." "Bye." "I'll be back with your receipts." "I'm sorry about how I acted the other day." "You should be." "I don't agree with this." "But If we can't be lovers we could at least be civil." "Yeah." "Did your father ever hit you?" "No." "Why are we doing this?" "I'm trying to estabilish if there's been any emotional trauma in your life." "Something that happened a long time ago that you may have forgotten about." "I don't think so I think I would remember it." "No, not necessarily." "We often repress difficult or painful memories." "If something like that did happened if..." "You were abused or mistreated, for instance it would help explain your situation now." "And if that's the case working on that might help you to" "Transition back to healthy heterosexual desires." "Like I'd be interested in girls?" "I believe you already are." "Deep down." "That's what nature intended you to be." "Something just knocked you off course along the way." "I mean I wasn't abused or molested or anything like that." "Okay, that's great." "We'll look for another explanation then." "You and I can work on finding that together." "I want to help you, James." "But you have to want it too." " I do." " Good." "It won't be easy." "You have to work at it, you have to push yourself toward healthy behavior." "Try to avoid temptation." "Everyone is different." "You may have tremendous success walk out of here a total heterosexual young man," "Or you may struggle with your feelings." "Hello, hi, it's James." "How are you?" "Good." "I'm good." "Listen, I was thinking about what you said," "And I was wondering if maybe you want to grab dinner tonight?" "Yeah, sure." "Sure, six o'clock." "Yeah I agree." "See you there." "Bye." "I was heading into town." "I just wondered if you needed some supplies?" "No, I'm fine." "You gotta buy books, don't you?" "Yeah but I don't know until classes start." "If you need more let me know." "Are you going somewhere?" "Yeah, I was going to grab dinner with Suzi." "Where you going?" "I don't know." "Go to the Rubi's." "I know they don't look like much, but the food is good, honestly." "Here my treat." " Have a big time." " Thanks." " We can go somewhere else." " No, this is fine." " There's lots of personality." " You sure?" " Absolutely." " You guys want an appetizer?" " What do you have?" " Chips, pretzels, peanuts." " I think we're okay for now." " Let me know when you're ready to order." " I'm sorry." "Don't be." "My dad is always saying this place is a den of sins." "I've been dying to see why." "I'm kidding." "It's fine." "In fact, I wish you would have sinner." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "I wish we had known each other in High school." "We were in different grounds I guess." "You were always with Brad Miler and Charlie Greene." "Is it true what they say about Charlie?" " What did they say?" " That he is gay." "I don't think I should reveal the details of his life." "That's crazy!" "Does it bother you?" "I think that people should live as they like." " Thanks again." " Yeah sure thing." "Guess we see around." "Yeah." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." " I'm sorry." " No, I'm sorry, I..." " I should get off." " No, no, listen..." "I'd like to take things slowly." " I think slowly is better for me." " Okay." "Look, I'd like for us to be..." "How you want." "Sure." "You do." "Yeah..." "I should go then." " Bye." " Bye." "You still dreaming about girls?" "Sexually?" "Does anyone know why we have dreams?" "Dreams are our brains way of making sense of the things we experience during the day." "So if for instance, we see a dog when we are awake," "And we think about that dog." "We may dream about it at night." "When our brain is sorting out those memories." "Does that makes sense?" "So if you're having sexual dreams about women at night," "It's probably because you're thinking about them sexually during the day." " But I wasn't." " It's okay." "Everyone slips up from time to time." "You just have to focus and try your best" "To stay away from thoughts and situations that will lead you down the wrong path." "Remember your body wants you to be attracted to the opposite sex." "Why is that?" "Because that's what god intended." "I'm not sure I believe in God." "That's okay, James." "He believes in you." "God made Adam and Eve." "One man and one woman." "Because that's what's required to have a baby." "Not two men, not two women not three people of different genders." "One and one." "And that's not just to us people but also in the animal kingdom." "One male lion and one female lion can make a baby lion." "One male zebra and one female zebra can make a baby zebra." "Right." "I get it." "It's in your genes." "Your body wants you to be with a woman" "So that you can make babies and carry on the species." " I don't think I want babies." " Well..." "Maybe not right now, but one day you will when you're ready." "And you won't be able to have them with another woman." "I appreciate your interest, it is a fine offer," "You know it is not for sale." "It's been in the family for generations." "Okay." "I'm new here." "And interested in take the orchand in a different direction." "A lot of people in the area think about more organic." "Sure." "A lot of the grocery stores they really get a lot of interest" "I think they would pay extra for organic apples and" "Good luck with that." "The place ain't for sale." "That's a shame you've got a beautiful property here." "There's nothing we can do to change your mind?" "I don't think so." "Okay then." "Let me give you my card." " And if you change your mind." " You don't need to waste your cards." "Please keep it." " Alright, good luck." " Thank you." " Who were those people?" " A couple of weirdoes." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "What did they want?" "They wanted to buy the farm." "Incredible." "What did you tell them?" "What do I think I told them?" "Not thinking about it?" "They want to modernize it." "Go organic." "I told them the apples are already organic, they come right out of the ground." "It think they meant the ones they use less pesticides dad." "They're not very good farmers then are they?" "A lot of people are starting to think like them." " It is a phase, it will pass." "I'm just saying we gotta look into it that's all." "James I appreciate you want to help" "But trust me when I say I know what the hell I'm doing okay?" "When you run the show, you can grow apples anyway you want." "Maybe then you'll find out your old man knows what he's talking about." "You still in your pajamas?" " I'm sorry, but I'm one handed." " What happened to you?" " I knocked a door..." " Charlie..." "A couple of guys after work." " Here?" " No." "Down in the road." "I go walking home." "You can't walk home on foot from here!" "It won't happen again, okay?" "I'll be careful." "No, you won't walk home, I'll drive you." " James I don't need an escort." " I don't care." "What time is your shift over?" " James..." " What time is your shift over?" " Nine." " Okay." "See you at nine." "Here it is!" "Hi." " What it's going on?" " I dropped by to surprise you." "I hope that's okay." "Yeah." "Sure." " It was nice sit with you." " You too." "So my parents wanted me to invite you to dinner tonight." "You know my dad actually is gonna be cooking dinner tonight." "I just told him I was gonna invite you to dinner with us and he said he didn't mind eating alone." " If you don't wanna come it's" " No, no, I do." " What time?" " Seven thirty." " Okay." " I'll see you then." "Bye." "Steak..." "Getting pretty handy with the oven." " You look nice." " Thanks." "Tell your girlfriend that tomorrow we'll have her for dinner over here." "We have to keep practicing not to poison her." "Your mom would be proud of you." "Have a good time." "How are things on the farm James?" "We drive by there almost every day, don't we ?" " All the time." " It's gorgeous." " It is." " It's nice." "And so what is it like working on a apple farm?" "It's fine." "I guess." " A lot of work." " I bet." "How long is it been in your family now?" "A long time." " Well, well..." " It's incredible." "It's only fair having apples from Fair Haven from now on." " And Suzi told us that you play music." " Yes, I do piano." "That's lovely!" "You'll have to play something for us some time." "I'd gladly do." "Do you have a piano?" "No." "We don't." "James is gonna take over the farm someday." "That's great." "That's very admirable." "Keeping the family business going." "A lot of kids these days they want nothing to do with tradition." "As soon as they graduate school, they're gone." "So true." "It's good to hear you'll be staying in the area the long term." "I mean," "We wouldn't want you to whisk our daughter to God knows where!" " Dad!" " Stop it, you gonna scare him." "Come on he knows I'm joking, right James?" "Yes, sir." "I mean, come on, it's not like I've mentioned their children." "What do you feel about children?" "You want some some day?" "It's nine o' clock right?" "Yes." "I'm sorry I have to run." "The dinner was really wonderful." "Thank you so much." "James." "James" " Is everything okay?" " Yeah, everything is fine." "Are you sure?" "I just forgot I had a thing to do at nine." "My dad was just joking around." " It's fine." "I got to run." "How bad is it?" "Not bad." "You should start carrying pepper spray." " I should get out of this town." "Still thinking in joining the Circus?" " That was a good idea." " Not it wasn't." "I could be the most famous sword swallower of America at this point." "Why aren't you then?" "Because you wouldn't come with me." "Hold on." "Thanks." "Sure." "See you tomorrow?" "What you felt for your boyfriend, wasn't love." "It was lust." " You don't know that." " Love is different." "Think about your parents right now." "Your mothers and your fathers." "Think about how they make you feel." "That is love." "Now think about someone of the same sex you're attracted to." "It's the same feeling?" "Sometimes we remember things the way we prefer them to be not the way they actually were." "The way you describe your relationship, when you and your boyfriend were together" "You could hardly keep your clothes on." "That's not true love." "There's nothing pure or beautiful about that it's lust." "Pleasures of the flesh." "If you would run into your boyfriend again right now," "You would probably yearn to be with him." "You would want him to touch you, hug you, kiss you." "But that's the devil's influence." "Sin is very attractive." "You have to fight against it." "It's different with girls?" "Sometimes." "Sure, you can lust after girls but you can also fall in love with one," "And believe me, that's worth waiting for." "You can't fall in love with a man, it is impossible." "How do you know?" "My father told me." "Right here." "You follow this and you'll know the difference." "Fuck!" "Goddammit!" " Having trouble?" " What the hell it looks like?" "What is it?" "Those yankees came back again this morning." " Who?" " The ones trying to buy the farm." " I thought you told them no." " I did." "They thought maybe I'd changed my mind they gave me a better offer." " How much?" " It doesn't matter." " I'm just curious." " Not enough." " This place worths more than money." " Yeah, but how much money?" "Seven-fifty." "$ 750,000?" " Dad why did you say no?" " I told you." "No with that kind of money you could do whatever you want I " "I told you I'm not selling it!" "I could go to school for godsake!" "James I'm not gonna discuss it anymore, alright?" "You got chores to do." "Go do them." "Now!" "Jesus." "Come on you son of a bitch." "Play the one your mom used to play." "You would like to hear that one again." "Please." "He don't even consider what I want." "All he cares is about is a stupid family tradition." " It's your family's." " I don't care about." "With that kind of money I could do anything." "I guess there's one thing left to do." "We have to kill him." " That's not funny." " It was a little funny." "No." "It wasn't." "Seriously though." "I don't think your dad should run your life." "What other choice do I have?" "Tons." "You have nothing but choices." "So he won't make it easier for you?" "Big deal." "We've do it on your own." " It's too hard." " Poor of you it's too hard." "So life is rough for a few years." "Then it'll be great." "Or you can just sit here, do what you're told stay here and be miserable." " Thanks for the ride." " You're welcome." " If you want something for it?" " No, don't worry about it." "Why don't we grab something to eat some time?" "As friends." "Nothing more." "I promise." "When?" "I'm free Saturday night." "Alright." "Okay." "Pick me at six?" "See you." "SUZI" "Good?" "Yeah." "My dad has been teaching himself how to cook." "He's huh..." "Sort of bad now actually." "See?" "Doesn't need you." "He needs my help on the farm." "My mom would have wanted me to stay." "Your mom would want you to live your life." "How was it like there?" "My dad found a place online." "I don't think it was what he was looking for, but..." "I think he knew that they were Christian therapists..." "It was always a big part of my mother's life." "It seemed so bad at first." "I had a lot of grief and anger." "I was mad at god and my mother..." "It helped me to get pass that." "And they said if I wanted someone to blame I really had to blame myself." "They said that sometimes ..." "If our lives aren't according to god's plan," "He send us a sign to get us back on track." "How can you believe that?" "I started to." " Are you okay?" " Yeah." "You're still as fast as you used to be?" "What?" "What the hell!" "Hey, hey." "This way." "James, will you sleep all day?" "James!" " Not yet." " I'm sorry." " What time is it?" " I don't know." " We should get up." " No." " Yes." " Before my dad wakes up." " No." " And kill us." " No." "No." " Hi." " Hi." " I really missed you." " I missed you too." " Who the hell is that?" " Suzi!" "Suzi!" "Suzi, wait!" "Suzi!" " Wait, I'm sorry." " You bastard!" " You're a bastard!" " Wait!" " Don't touch me!" " You listen to me?" "You know what you are?" "You're disgusting." "You're pathetic." "Burn in hell!" " You're okay?" " Yeah." "I'm fine." "James." " Wait in the truck." " Yeah." "Listen, it did look pretty bad." "I had to break up with Suzi just now and Charlie is a friend from" "Just stop!" "I honestly have no idea what to do." "Maybe if your mother was here she would know but I have no idea." " About what?" " About you." "About how to help you." "Help me with what?" "To help you grow up, help you to be a man." " I am a man." " Yeah, you're one hell of a man." "Go ahead." "Say it." "Go ahead and say it." "No come on I want you to." "That's okay." "You were never the kind of man I wanted for a father either." "Mom saw you now she'd be ashamed you know that?" "That makes two of us I guess." "I guess." "Well, look who the cat dragged in?" "I haven't seen you a while Ricky." " Awfully early to be pissed drunk." " You want my money or not?" "I saw your boy in here a while back with a pretty girl." "He isn't my boy." "I didn't know him." "I'm sure every father said that about their boy some point or another." "Bulshit!" "I minded my old man." "Didn't you tell me one time about when you were 17 you wanted to run away?" "Cause your old man wouldn't let you join in the army?" "You don't remember as well as you think you do." " Oh no?" " No." "I was eighteen and it was the Marines." "And I would made a damn fine one too." "Of course you would." " You ever think about that?" " What the Mariners?" "Seeing the world, never know where you have ended up." "You don't always get what you wanted." "So I heard there's this really nice couple" "Looking around town lately." "Looking to buy some land." "Have they up to see you?" "They have." "How was their offer?" "Insufficient." "That is a shame." "If it was more you might be able to get their apple business." "Live a little." "I'm not a young man anymore." "But you're not worn out either." "See you around." "Take care, Ricky." "Don't be a stranger." "What about your dad?" "I don't know." " I don't think I can go home." " You think he'll hurt you?" "No... no." "I just don't think he wants me there anymore." "You can stay with me." "It's not a permanent solution." "So we leave." "Yeah?" "Where would we go?" "I don't know." "The circus?" "I'll just go in." "Pack my clothes, what else I need." "Then leave." "And then the circus." "Okay?" "Right." "Here it go." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Have a great day." " Hey, Rich." " Hey." " How's the apple business?" " It's fine, it's fine." " Listen, I'm sorry I'm so late." " Don't worry about it." "I'll get your receipt." "Thanks." "100% Organic" " Excuse me." " Sure." "Here it go." " So a lot of folks go for the organic?" " Yeah, actually they're very popular." "Let's see Winston Clark switched to organic." "You know Winston?" "Yeah." "The Shelley's also went to the organic." " See you later." " Hmm." "Hi." "How can I help you?" "That's all?" "Good." "It's all $ 11." "You play better than she did." " I was..." " James..." " I was just leaving." " I don't really want to talk about it." " Just wait." "Just wait." "Sit down." "Please." "For a minute." "Where you're going?" " I was thinking of going to Boston." " Alone?" "No." "Is he..." "What's his name again?" " Charlie." " Charlie." "Is he the one from before?" "Yeah." "Your mother and I were pretty concerned about that." "So you ended up at that place." "I'm sorry about that." "You care about each other?" "Yeah." "We do." "Very much." "That's good." "I want to apologize for what I said yesterday." "That wasn't right." "I don't know If I'll ever understand it but." "I think I can do a better job of accepting it." "Thank you." "I decided to sell the farm." " What?" " I took the offer." "Why?" "Why would you...?" "You know I've been running this place for the last 20 years for my dad" "When I should have been running it for you." "I'll give you some of the money you can go to school, move away, whatever you want." "I guess, I guess I'll retire." "Anyway." "The farm isn't family we are." "Dad I'm sorry that things didn't really work out." "Don't." "That's life." "We just do the best we can, okay?" "Okay." "COMING SOON ST." "JOHN'S ORGANICS" " We didn't miss it?" " No I still got about 10 minutes." "Okay." " I should, we should..." " Yeah." "I..." " Call if you need anything." " I will." "Your mother would be proud of you." "I am too." "Well ..." " You better get going." " Yeah." "English Subtitles:" "Pinky and the Brain"