"Do you, Angela Nardino, take Dean Cumanno as your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honour and obey till death do you part?" "I do." "You happy, baby?" "I'm so happy." "It's beautiful, Dean." "It's everything I ever wanted." "Yeah?" "Like the song says, the best is yet to come." "The honeymoon!" "Oh." "You got a little bit of cake right..." "I think we've put in enough of an appearance here." "Come on, let's go." "It's tradition for the best man to dance with the beautiful bride." " Piss off, Leo." " You can't be rude to your friends." "I'd love to dance, Leo." "The best is yet to come come the day you're mine." "Come fly with me" "Let's fly, let's fly away" "Just say the words" "And we'll beat the birds down to Acapulco Bay" "It's perfect for a flying honeymoon" "They say" "Come fly with me" "Let's fly, let's fly away." "Congratulations, man." "She's great." "I love your friends." "That's the busboy, honey." "You even got me great busboys." "Now, let's have one more dance with the bride and groom..." "Are you still nervous?" "No." "And, Dean, thank you for respecting my religious beliefs." "I'm really ready now." "Thank you, God!" "I'm ready to do things to you that no woman has ever done before." "How about a...?" "Come on..." "Here it is." "Oh, it's so...tasteful." "Oh, my God!" "That's how much I love you, baby." "You must love me...a lot." "Take me, Dean." " Don't tease me." " I'm not." "I'm not a big fan of this material." "Angela?" "Angela!" "Don't do this to me, Angela." "Welcome back." "Oh, my God." "What happened?" "Not a whole hell of a lot." "Oh, my God." "Are you kidding me?" "Our wedding night?" "Oh." "I am a bad wife." "No." "No." "No, no, no." "I got some frostbite in some very weird places." "You've got your whole life to make it up to me." " And I'm gonna start right now." " Yeah?" "OK." "Oh, my God, I'm gonna be sick." "Just give me a minute, baby." "No, no, no!" "There's no rush." "No rush." "I gotta stop by the office before we leave for Barbados." "You can freshen up." "Just let me give you a quick kiss goodbye." "No, no, no, no!" "That's OK." "That's OK." "I-I-I'm late." "I'll see you in an hour, maybe two." "What the...?" "!" "Nice security." "Sorry, boss." "I went to bed late last night." "But it's nothing compared to you, huh?" "Yeah." "Is the Mercedes ready?" "Yeah." "Just about." "We switched the VIN and..." "Wendy's making the pink slip for you to sign." "That's a great wedding present, boss." "Angela's going to go nuts for it, huh?" "Not as nuts as she was last night, huh?" "Huh?" "Hey, boss, was she worth the wait?" " Come on, boss..." " Hey!" "We're talking about my wife!" "A man's wedding night is his own private sacred business." "It's not to entertain lowlife scum like yous guys." "Angela's got to be an animal." "He's even walking funny." "Hey, back to work." "Break is over, guys." "Oh, congratulations, Mr C." "I heard the wedding was awesome." "I'm almost through with the docs on the Mercedes." "Thanks, Wendy." "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." "You need to sign here, and I think... here." "Is it hard?" " What?" " Getting married." "I haven't been here long, but I've heard stories about you and women." "Well, those days are all over, Wendy." "Forever." "It's..." "Thank you." "Damn it." "Here, let me help you." " Mr Cumanno!" " I'm sorry!" "I'm so sorry, Wendy." "I'm so sorry." "I'm just nuts today." "I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't." "I'm married, Wendy." "I can't." "You're right." "I'm sorry." "Screw it." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "OK." "OK." " Oh, my God." " Thanks." " Is that frostbite?" " It's fine!" "Piss off!" "Baby, it's me." "Shit!" "Get out." "Take the back stairs." " My hair's stuck." " What?" "!" " Dean?" " Honey." "I was feeling so much better, I wanted to pick up where we left off." "That's great." "You know what?" "I'll finish here." "I'll meet you outside in a sex...sec." "OK." "I love you." "I love you too." "You look pretty." " Come on." " Ow!" "Not so fast." " You are not welcome down there." " I'm trying!" "I can't believe it." "Is that Mercedes for...?" "Dean." "Honey, this isn't what it looks like." "I swear." "Her hair got stuck in my zipper." "I wasn't getting nothing." "17 hours!" "We have been married 17 hours!" "The happiest 17 hours of my life." "You just lost the best thing you never had!" "Angela, wait!" "She seems...nice." "My client has agreed, against my advice, to settle for a one time cash payment." "$300,000." "For one day?" "One horribly traumatic day in which my client suffered irreparable psychological damage to her self-esteem." "Oh, and she keeps the Mercedes." " What?" " Bullshit." "We can drag it before a judge if you think that would be more favourable." "That would put your client's business under scrutiny." "What was it again, Mr Cumanno?" "Random repossessions?" "Give her what she wants." "I can't believe you wore the grey dress." "I distinctly said the blue." " It worked, didn't it?" " You were lucky." "I was good." "Excuse me." "I wonder if I could ask your help for a moment." "I'm trying to find Route 40." "Route 40?" "Well, you're on it." " That's it." " What?" " Where is it?" " There." "That black thing with the lines on it." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "I didn't know where it was." "Thank you so much." " My pleasure." " Sorry to trouble you." "Forget it." "You're not going to kill yourself and stink up my new car." "Our new car." "Hey, Mom!" "I only do these things because I love you, Page." "How was the wedding?" "Beautiful." "Like all my weddings." "You have any idea what that meat is doing to your arteries?" "Haven't you heard?" "Cigarettes dissolve cholesterol." "No cards, Page." " This is a classy place." " It relaxes me." "So?" "How did we do?" "Not too bad." " How not too bad?" " About 80." "Plus the car." "That's it?" "For that I lived four months in a crap hotel without cable?" "I'm so sick of this small-time bullshit." " I had to kiss that greasy mook." " Dean wasn't so bad." "Anyway, we'll make more in the next one." "I'm thinking Seattle." " Maybe San Francisco." " Mom." "Remember our deal." " This was it." "I'm going solo." " Here we go." "It's happening, Mom." "Accept it." "I am old enough to be on my own." "You have no idea what it's like to be all alone." "I'll tell you what'll happen." "You'll go off, you'll get lonely, some moron will come along, you'll think it's true love, you've never been so sure of anything, and then bam." "He will pull a conceive and leave, and then it's my life again." "I am not that stupid." "You know what I mean." "Well, you're right." "I was stupid, and it left me pregnant and alone." "If Barbara hadn't shown me the con..." "And you taught me." "OK?" "I'll be fine." "OK." "Fine." "If you've made up your mind, we will go to New York and divide up everything." "I'll get the cheque." "Oh, my Lord!" "What seems to be the problem?" "Well, I was just about to take a bite and I saw glass." "Look!" "I am so sorry, ma'am." "This has never happened." "Of course, your meal is complimentary." "Armand, a bottle of wine." "Quickly." "Perhaps a 69 Merlot?" "Those shoes are so wrong for this." "Thanks." "I don't understand the problem." "We deposit our money and you give it back when we say so." "I'm afraid it's not that simple, Ms Conners." "Hello." "I'm Gloria Vogal." "IRS." "Hello." "Oh, you've heard of us." "I'm surprised." "We seldom hear from you." "Well, I suppose I might be a little late with this year's return." "Maybe even the last seven." "Mother, I'm stunned." "I had no idea you would evade your responsibilities..." "Shut up, Ms Conners." "We've never seen a dime from you either." "Look, I know what must have happened." "I always assumed that my returns were filed by my husband." "Oh." "Which one?" "Look." "Just because I've had some trouble" " with my personal relationships..." " Ms Conners..." "How you earn your money is of no interest to the IRS." "How can I put this in language you'll understand?" " We just want our cut." " How much?" "With interest and penalties, the total comes to 247,811 dollars." "What?" "!" "Oh, no, no, no, no, no." "That is in addition to what used to be in your accounts." "Your latest divorce settlement arrived this morning." "Thanks." "But that's everything." "It's not all bad." "We'll give you a full 90 days to pay." "Or... we move forward with criminal charges for felony tax evasion and fraud." "Good luck." "Here's the last of our cash." "1,150... 1,170... 1,190." "That's $1,300 each." "Wow." "Have a nice life with that, princess." " I'll economise." " Sure." "You can do your own hair and your own nails." "They actually have some great shoes at Wal-Mart." "All right!" "One more con, but only if we do it right." "What does that mean?" "No more small-time crap." "It has to be big." "One big final score to pay off the IRS and set me up on my own." "What are you talking about?" "Palm Beach." "Palm Beach?" "Forget it!" "People that rich are already suspicious." "It's too hard to play." "Palm Beach or nothing." "Too expensive." "Let's find something else." "I am home." "What's the best way to get a room?" "I was thinking the Trogden Triangle." "Right." "But where are we going to find a trumpet and a talking parrot?" "I was thinking something simple, traditional." " The flopper diver." " No way am I..." "Oh, my God!" "She's cracked her head open!" "Oh, darling." "Careful." "You may be paralysed." "Call a doctor." "Although I'm sure she'll be fine." "Yeah." "I think I'm..." "Just please let me know if there's anything else we can do." "You might consider investing in a mop." "Once again, I apologise." "Since we seem to have lost your reservation, we can let you have this suite for one night." "Then I'm sure we can work something out." "Could everyone please just let her rest now?" "Don't you ever flop me without my consent." "It had to look real." "You fall lousy when you know it's coming." "I fall fine." " Fake." " Oh, shut up." "No, don't do that." "No!" "Stop!" "Hey, boss." "Just got three Camrys in." "Cherry." "Parts'll bring in a hundred thou, easy." "Great." "The change of title came through on the Mercedes." "You have to sign." "Bitch." "You know..." "This is the eighth frame we've gone through in a week." "Maybe it's time to retire this picture." "Why can't I stop thinking about her?" "Was it the legs?" " She had amazing legs." " Give me that!" "Or maybe it was that she dumped you." "'Cause that's never happened before." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Who the hell does she think she is?" "Does she think she can do this to me?" "Well, she's wrong!" "I'm going to find her." "And then?" "Then I'm going to take care of it." "Doctor Arnold Davis." "Made huge money when an old uncle died. 45." "Pretty good shape." " Who's the old bag?" " His mom." "She lives with him." "Forget it." "He's taken." "Momma's boy." " We could get around her." " Pass." "Mothers are death." "Can't argue that." "David D Cummings." "760 million." "E-commerce stuff." "Just ended marriage number three." "The downside?" "Very big on iron-clad prenups, and, as you can see, massive competition." "We could handle 'em." "We'd have to be into a group thing." "Ménage à trois?" "Try ménage à cinque." "Pass." "William E Tensy." "CEO of Tensy Tobacco." "Old money, but also just plain old." "Go on!" "Get out!" "Goddamn!" "Go!" " How much?" " Three billion." "More every day." " Hmm..." " I am not dating the walking dead." "The older the better." "With luck, they die right after the wedding." "I'd have to kiss that?" "I'd have to kiss that more than you." "Well, maybe you're into necrophilia." "We'd better work fast." "Why can't we pick someone who's just a little bit cute?" " Dean was kind of cute." " You're in serious denial." "Cute is dangerous." "Cute leads to feeling, which leads to screwing, which leads to screwed." "I know we could make that doctor and his mom work." "We're doing Tensy." "That's that." "That is not that." "If you want to work Tensy, fine." "I'm working Davis." "Page, I've told you before, no simultaneous cons." "Too many angles." "They always go bad." " But it's not just that, is it?" " What?" "You don't think I can be primary." "I didn't say that." "Although it does take an enormous amount of skill." "I can make men do anything." "Boys." "You can make boys do anything." "Gas station attendants, bartenders, the odd migrant worker." "A one-shot seduction is child's play compared to getting someone to marry you in three months." " Four months." " What?" "Well, it took you four months this time." "You used to be able to do it in three." "What are you saying?" "That I'm losing it?" "That I'm getting too old?" " I didn't say that." " I'm in terrific shape." "Feel my butt." "I am not feeling your butt again, Mother." "We all know it's wonderful." "Tell you what." "We'll play for it." "Winner picks the mark." "Great." "We'll cut cards." "Right!" "I'm going to trust your cards?" "See that guy over at the bar?" "First one to get him to buy her a drink wins." "Deal." "Hot." "Yeah." "Sure is." "Let me get that for you." "Here we go." "Oh, my." "Would you?" "Sure." "Oh, you're so kind." "I'm Betty." " Hi." "My name is..." " Excuse me." "May I grab your nuts?" "Salty." "Are you OK?" "Can I get you a drink?" " We go with Tensy." " Stupid jerk." "He doesn't look so bad in this light." "Oh, yeah." "His liver spots are positively glowing." " Let's run through it once more." " I know what to do." "Got a light?" "Yeah." "Your trash is on fire." "Holy shit!" " Set." " Good." "Stay by the phone." "Timing is crucial." "Always treating me like a child." "Child!" "Excuse me, sir, but smoking is not permitted." "Oh, I'm terribly sorry." "Nazi." "Pardon me." "Is no crime." "OK, Doctor Davis." "Let's see where you're going tonight." "Good start, Page." "Crap!" "Davis residence." "Arnold Davis, please." "Sorry, he'sjust left." "Oh, no." "This is..." "He left me a message..." "I'm supposed to meet him." "Who is this?" "This is..." "Stupid cellphone." "Mrs Wyler?" "Right." "This is Mrs Wyler." "I believe he said The Glades." "And that's on..." "I think it's on the far end of 0cean." "Great." "Cutting out." "Thank..." "Hi, can I get you a drink?" "Wow, I've never heard that one before." "You've blown me away with your creativity." " Well, I uh..." " "Well, I uh..."" "Your recovery's even better." "Do you even care at all who I am?" "I could be the anti-Christ or have the intelligence of a thermos, but those are not the matters the male penis ponders." "So please tell me, why did you walk all the way over here to ask to get me a drink?" "Well, because I'm the bartender." "Martini." "Very dry." "Sure." "Our next item is an exquisite piece from the Kerner estate." "A stunning work by Fyodor Turgenev entitled "Form In Repose"." "I'm looking for an opening bid of 130,000." " 130!" " Very good." "I have 130." "Do I hear 140?" "140." "Thank you." "Do I hear 150?" "150,000." "160." "I am offer of 170." "170...five." "Was that 175, sir?" "I'll take that. 175,000." "180." "I have 180." "Do I hear 190?" "Do I hear 190?" "I really must hear a number or see a paddle, sir." " I think he..." " Yes, ma'am." "I have your bid." "It's to you at $180,000." "Going once, twice..." "Sold to the persistent woman on my right." "Thanks." "You did good." "Bye." "Er, that's 3.50." "I'll flip you for it." "Call it." " No." "We don't really..." " Call it." "Tails." "Heads." "Aw, too bad." "Thanks." "Wow, Jack." "She got a free drink and one of your balls." "I just think she's nervous being on her own." "Yeah." "She's a delicate flower." "Oh, wait." "I think I see crack." "That's just his butt, lady." "Let me see." "Looks good." "From where I'm standing." " Oh!" " Oh, my God!" "What?" "What is the matter?" "My beautiful man." "He ruined." "Ruined!" "We can have this expertly repaired." "No." "Man thing off." "Deal off." "What good is to me now?" "He has no...pipiska." "Mother, did you have any trouble finding the place?" " This is beyond civilisation." " Son of a bitch." " Ow!" " Oh!" "Oh, my baby!" "I am so sorry." "Get away from him!" "I told you it was dangerous to come to these low-class bars." "It stings, Mother!" "It stings so bad!" " Mother will help you." " The retina is detached." "I know it!" "Are you OK now?" "Yes, you idiot!" "Idi what?" "Yeah?" "Subject will pass the checkpoint in ten minutes." "Everything set?" "Yeah, of course." "What's wrong, Page?" "Mother can tell something's wrong." "Mother knows nothing." "I'm following right behind him, so be sure to remove the spikes." "And he mustn't see you, so we can bond." "I know." "You're driving me crazy." "You're driving me crazy." "That answers the question of whether you're already in a relationship." "Since you can't seem to read my subtle signals, I'll help you out." "Piss off!" "Everyone's a little irritable after they choke." "Two headlights." "That's not him." "That was wrong on so many levels." "You!" " What happened?" " What are you doing here?" " I followed you." " More like stalked me." "Listen, mouthbreather, I am fully capable and really in the mood to kick the shit out of your psychotic ass!" "Does this look familiar?" "Might be mine." "Well, if you're not sure..." "Thanks." "Now go." "My car doesn't drive good with a tree in it." "What a baby." "It's a flat." "I'll fix it." "Wait." "We'd better clear that stuff out of the road." "No." "I'll do it." "Just get the spare." "Now!" "Look, I'm willing to explore the "being dominated" thing, but let's take it slow." " Uh-oh." " Watch out!" "What did you push me for?" "I saved you, you moron." "That can't be good." "Wait, wait." "I'm hurt." "No, you're not." "Nothing could hurt you." "Are you calling me a liar?" "Where are you hurt?" "My ankle." "See?" "What the hell?" "Perfect." "No!" " They're really piling up..." " Oh, my ankle." "Your ankle is fine." "I'm going." "Are you mixing medications?" "You're ruining the magic, idiot." "I much sorry." "Must be glass in road." "Oh, the statue stealer." "Whenever I see you, things seem to be going into the crapper." "You have head injury." "I rush you to hospital." "No, no, no." "I don't." "I don't." "The police will be along shortly and they'll sort this out." "See?" "Delayed shooting head pains." "Come." "To hospital we go." "What about your car?" "You have flat tyres." " Is nothing." " Oh." "What are you doing?" "Get off me." "What?" " You were the one..." " I gotta go." "How do I look?" "If I were a guy, I'd do you." "You're sweet." "I'm going back to the hospital to see if I can fix the mess you made last night." "With that on, he'll forgive anything." "He better, for your sake." "Be nice or I won't tell you which eye looks bigger." " Which?" " Are you gonna be nice?" "I'm always nice." "The left." "Here, use my eyeliner." "Shit." "I want my purse, jerk-off!" "That's not very friendly." "Now, go back out and when you kick the door open, say something nice." "You stole my purse, dipshit, so I'd have to see your ugly-ass face again." "No." "You forgot your purse for the second time because you were in such a hurry to leave me stranded." "Give it to me." "Or would you rather have my heel up your ass?" "Who told you I'm into that?" "Pretty rough on the boss." "He's not really into ass play." "That's just his sense of humour." "He owns this place?" "Yeah." "His dad left it to him." "These development creeps are trying to give him three mil for the place." "Whole world's gonna be Gaps and Starbucks." "He's loaded." "Good, Page." "Greetings." "Oh, it's you." "Doctors don't want me to smoke." "It's ridiculous." "They depend on cigarettes." "They're a perfect scapegoat for their incompetence." "You're here about the insurance." "My attorneys will take care..." "That won't be necessary." "I have no want to sue you." "Sue me?" "My people will tear you a new heinie." "I am only come to see how you feel." "My poor... poor... babushka." "That's very nice of you, Mrs er..." "Miss." "Just call me..." "Ulga." " Ulga?" " Mmm." "Well, that's lovely, Ulga." "Yes?" " I am Ulga Yevanova." "I am here..." " Yes." "We've been expecting you." "I am Miss Madress." "I run this household." "Oh, good for you." "I will announce you." "We have a bitch alert." "Come on, bartender, it's your night off." "Do something fun." "Good boy." "I love it here." "It's the only bloody place left that doesn't make you feel like a killer for having a smoke." "Yes." "Is lovely." "Dobriy vecher." "I'll be your waiter tonight - Vladimir." "Allow me to tell you tonight's specials." "No need for English." "We have one of your countrywomen here." "Oh, wonderful." "So tonight we have cutleta po kievsky." " Da." " Bifstek potatarsky." "Da." "Da." "E adibris dilatina." "Oh." "Dilatina." "Excellent choice." "The steak tartare." "Oh, I love a woman who eats raw meat." "Oh." "That's real nice." "You're not just going to stand there?" "Help me." "Please." "Isn't that the shoe you wanted to jam up my ass?" "No." "That was the six-inch heel." "Now come on." "What are you doing here?" "Working." "Working?" "You some kind of wilderness female mud wrestler?" "I'm an environmentalist studying the effect of waste run-off in the neighbouring wetlands." "Oh." "Well... you environmentalists really dress hot." "There's no law to say you can't look good while you're saving stuff." "So why are you following me?" " I'm not following you!" " Then what are you doing here?" "Come on." "I'll show you." "You're not out here burying high school kids, are you?" "Well, they egged my car." "What do you do?" "Spy on people humping in boats?" "That's perverted." "I photograph stars." "Just because they're famous doesn't mean they don't deserve privacy too." "Who you got?" "The stars up there." "You sneak way out here to stare at space and shit?" "No." "I come here to get away from the lights of the city, so I can see the space and shit." " Why?" " Take a look." "Jesus." "That's the Crab Nebula." "That is the exact colour of a sapphire ring I've wanted." "OK." "And this... is the Great Globular Cluster in Hercules." "I don't think I want to see that." "Wow." "Good cluster." "And I think you can also see the Corona Borealis tonight." "Wait, wait." "I'm not done with the globular thing." "OK." "I love to watch a woman eat." "It is surely one of the most sensual acts." "Da." "Da." "Da." " Da." " Da?" "Is such joy to hear my native tongue again." "I deeply appreciate what you say and er... what you don't say." "Oh, William." "So much loudness." "Can we not go somewhere I can relate to you... orally?" "All right!" "Who will favour us with next song?" "We have a fellow countrywoman here!" "Oh, no, I am so..." "Please, I am so not musical." " Please..." " How about Karabushka?" "There isn't a Russian alive who doesn't know Karabushka!" "Da, da" "Karabuschka" "Da, da" "Da, da..." "Aah..." "Moscow" "Da, da..." "Leningrad" "Er, Minsk and..." "Oh, you know..." "I am just fooling." "I am so full of good humour." "Flew in from Miami Beach" "B-0-A-C" "Didn't get to bed last night" "0n the way the paper bag was on my knee" "Man, I had a dreadful flight" "I'm back in the USSR" "You don't know how lucky you are, boy" "Back in the USSR" "Been away so long I hardly knew the place" "Gee, it's good to be back home" "Leave it to tomorrow to unpack my case" "Honey, disconnect the phone" "I'm back in the USSR" "You don't know how lucky you are, boy" "Back in the US, back in the US Back in the USSR..." "Look, there's another one." "There's two at once." "Did you see that?" "Yeah." "God, I never knew you could have this much fun for free." "Well, it's not completely free." "So are you ready to tell me the truth?" "What?" "Tell me why you're here really." "I told you." "I'm an environmentalist... student at the University of Miami." "What, you don't believe me?" "Well, I'd like to, but..." "What about my butt?" "Oh, I gotta go." " Again?" " Yeah." "I have work to do." "It's eleven o'clock at night." "I have to write an environmental impact report." "Will it mention me?" " Wait!" "What's your name?" " Jane." " Will I see you again?" " Try wishing on a star!" "Is that five people?" "Keys are in it." "Hey, Mom." "How did it go?" "Perfect." "His infatuation is right on schedule." "You're home now." "You could stop with the accent." "What's that?" "What's what?" "Mud?" "I gave myself a facial." "Some special local stuff." "I think I'm gonna take a nice long shower and go to bed." "Smoking is part of the fun of being a kid." "Yeah." "We just did some tests on some nine-year-olds." "After a little puking, you couldn't drag them away from the stuff." "You're only young once." "Why not indulge them, I say." " Ooh!" " Oh, darling." "What matter?" "Head pain back again?" "No, no, no." "It's all right." "Ulga." "Ulga?" "I have a gift for you." "A gift?" "A gift!" "Oh!" "A personal fire device." "I'm not insisting you take up smoking, but I thought it would give you some incentive." "There is nothing sexier than smoke billowing proudly out of a woman's hot, red... engorged nostrils." "That image will haunt me." " Still a little sleepy, my dear?" " Oh, no." "No." "It was another wonderful night." "I think that I deserve a big kiss for that big gift." "Oh, yes." "Is no getting around that." "Oh, no, we mustn't." "God is everywhere." "Yes, he is, isn't he?" "Nosy bastard." "I'll have Miss Madress get your purse." "Is he that repulsive to you?" "No." "Is er... a Russian expression of happiness." "Poy, poy, oy, I'm so happy." "Save it." "I'm on to you." "You are attracted to me?" "Oh, flattering, but I no do females." "I've been with him for seven years." "I've seen him with many women." "I've never worried." "Passing amusements." "But you." "Oh, you're good, baby." "I no understand." "What is you want?" "I is want your ex-commie ass out of his life." "I didn't put up with his crap just to be squeezed out before he kicks." "I expect a big pay-off!" "You must believe." "I have true feelings for him." "Oh, spare me your Bolshevik bullshit." "Either you disappear or I tell him exactly what I saw." "Your dark honesty is refreshing." "But please, I beg you, leave me one more night to bow out gracefully." "I have something for you." "I know it's not the sapphire you wanted, but..." "It sure isn't." " It's a meteor fragment." " Like the ones we were watching?" "That's been to the far reaches of our solar system." "No lousy sapphire's ever pulled that off." "You don't do anything like normal people, do you?" "Some things." "Kitchen's through there, master bedroom's upstairs, her room is down the hall." "You have seven minutes." "Here you go." "The thing that's screwing us is all this second-hand smoke nonsense." "They've convicted the tobacco companies without any evidence." "Hmm." "Is oddness." "What?" "Costly lighter gift you gave is missing." "You must have left it somewhere." "Never." "I cherish too much." "Perhaps..." "No." "Is inconceivablish." "What is inconceivablish?" "Well, your housekeeper did much admire, and when she gave me purse to leave yesterday, was open." "Sir, I would never take so much as a hairpin from this household." "Is this not clothing you wear yesterday when you see me out?" "Hello." "No." "She set me up." "She could have slipped that into my pocket any time." "You doubt me?" "Oh, William." "Oh!" "How you can sleep on so lumpy a..." "My wife's old jewellery!" "Why are you stealing from loyal, kind employer man?" "No!" "It's her!" "Can't you see?" "You bitch!" "My cigarettes!" "I feel like vomiting!" "Oh, please, Mr Tensy!" "I have been a dedicated and trustworthy servant for seven years." "Look into my eyes." "You must believe in my complete and total innocence." "If it's at all possible...could you slap her around a little bit?" "Very good, darling." "You're doing better." "Come on, let's hear a little pain." "I've set you up with an interview with Tensy tomorrow." "Tomorrow?" "That's Saturday." " There are no weekends in conning." " I'll go first thing Monday." "No." "We can't take the chance of someone else getting that job." "You have to get close to him." "He's days away from popping the question." "No way." "You couldn't have gotten him that far this fast." "Have you really learned so little?" "One month flat." "That's a new record." "Mom's still got it." "Jack, I'm still coming to the game, but I might be late." "I'm sure the van can wait for five minutes." "I'll probably make it on time anyway." "I've gotta go." "Bye." "Sorry I'm running late, Miss Brekenhal, but I've been losing consciousness more frequently lately." "Allergy season, I think." "That's no problem at all." "Please call me Alison." "Oh, well, Alison." "I just have a few questions to ask you." "Do you smoke, Alison?" "No." "No." "Well..." "We've gotta go!" "She said she'd be a little late." "Twenty minutes is not a little." "We've entered "stood up" territory." "I worked for the English ambassador to Turkey until they shot him." "They shot him." "But I kept cleaning till they burned the Embassy down." "Well, that was very loyal." "So when should I start?" "If you just fill out this application form, and I can verify your employment." "Oh, certainly." "Oh, I'm terribly sorry." "I'll get towel." "Here." "You seem very dedicated to your work, Alison." "Something inside me." "This need to please my employer in any way possible." "Here is towel, and I find other employment form." "I don't think that'll be necessary." "Alison seems... more than qualified." "It's still wet." "Not bad, huh?" "What?" "It's just a little hacky to go right for the member massage." "What are you doing the rest of today?" "I don't know." "Beach, nap, nothing." "See ya." "Shit!" "Shit, shit, shit!" "You really are a delicate flower." "Jack!" "You missed the game." "Why didn't you go?" "I don't know." "My friends have this theory that..." "I'm in love with you." "Hello, daughter." "What are you doing here?" "I thought you'd be out with Tensy." "Sometimes people aren't where they say." "I got bored here, so I took myself out for a walk." "Bullshit." "I saw you with your boyfriend." "You spied on me?" "So this is why you've been so nice to me." " I have not been nice to you!" " You betray me for some bartender." "That bartender owns the bar and has an offer to sell for three million." "You're not ready, Page." "Yeah." "I already got him to say he loves me." "You're not ready to con a guy without falling in love yourself." "I am in complete control." "I saw the kiss." "Your eyes were closed." "That was the sun." "Last time the sun got in my eyes, I got a daughter." "And that's the worst thing that every happened to you." "I'm a pro, Mother, and I'll prove it." "There." "Nothing." "But the best from you." "Give me a chance to make it even better." " Crap!" " What's wrong?" " I gotta go." " Why?" " Because I'm no good for you." " I'll be the judge of that." "You have to trust me." "I am not a good person." "No, you are good." "You may not know it, but I do." "You come on tough, but it's just an act." "You don't even believe in sleeping together." "You're like an Osmond." "Look, you don't get it." "I haven't been completely honest with you." "Look, I know you're not really an environmentalist, OK?" "Who cares?" "The important thing is I love you and I want to be with you." "I gotta go." "You win." "I dropped the con." "It's for the best, dear." "Shut up, Mother." "Barbara." "You are a lifesaver." "To pull that job off on such short notice." "I was taught by the best." "I had a blast." "I've been out of the game for so long, I forgot it's fun, even though we were conning your daughter, who I haven't seen since she was four." "Three." "But we weren't conning her." "We were protecting her." "She wanted to run off on her own." "This was the only way to stop her." "You won't be able to stop her forever." "I know that." "Page is an amazing, brilliant, talented girl." "But she's still green." "When she's ready, I'll tell her." "You're sure she's not ready now?" "I just caught her kissing some loser with her eyes closed." "Really?" "I'll get this." "Classy." "I'm still learning from you." "Sweetie, I'm home." "Sounds like a good day." "Yeah, it was fantastic." "Is Tensy the largest producer of phlegm on the East Coast?" "I just quit smoking." "Well, the good news keeps on coming." "Hey, I got a killer dress for tonight." "That plus the official letter cannot fail." "You want to see?" "No." "I'm going out for a walk." "OK." "Well..." "I'm already late." "Jane, Jane, don't hang up!" "You gotta give up on that girl, man." "Yeah." "There's something weird about her." "Yeah, but that's what I liked." "Me too." "What are you doing here?" "I was coming to you." "Let me in." "I have a surprise." "Moment." "Am naked." "I don't see a problem there." "Here I come." " Oh, my!" " Completely restored." "Only 7,000 for a new willie." "Oh, is so nice." "But, William, you know how the Lord feels about having men in hotel room." "Even a man who has ordered champagne and oysters from room service?" "It's OK." "I didn't charge it to your room." "I cannot anymore see you." "Why on earth not?" "Let us leave at that." "Make pain less." "Goodbye...forever." "No, no." "What is this all about?" ""We regret to inform you that your application for permanent residence" ""has been denied." ""You must leave the country no later than tomorrow."" "Oh, I try everything!" "But is very political red tape to get green card and I am loopholeless." "Well, this is horrible." "And I was going to ask you to marry me." "Marry you?" "Yes." "Yes, I... purchased a ring and... everything." "But with your leaving..." "I am but ignorant unintelligible foreigner, but if you marry me, I believe that puts kibosh on deportation." "Really?" "Oh, Ulga, Ulga." "Will you..." "What?" "Marry me?" "Oh, marry you." "Oh, is legal question." "Yes, I will." "Is binding answer." "Leave me alone." "I'm engaged!" "We're talking a settlement of 20 million minimum." "We're finally set for life, darling." "I just have time for one quick whoo!" "I said whoo." "Why won't you talk to me?" "There's nothing to say." "I scared you when I told you I loved you, didn't I?" "Jack, there is no love." "It's just a trick of the brain - a combination of hormones and chemicals." "Then why are you here?" "Tell me to my face you don't love me." "I don't love you." "Wow." "More believable than I thought it would be." "I know I freaked you out by moving too fast with all that "I love you" stuff." "So let's just...get married." "I gotta go." "That is jarring." "My love, tonight we will celebrate this ecstatic joining of our spirits with the union... of our aching bodies." "Oh, you have stomach cramp again." "No." "I ache for you, my pumpkin." "Let's hump." "William, my religion." "Humping is not yet allowed." "Of course it is." "I proposed, you accepted." "To God, everything else is just paperwork." "William, I insist we wait till after wedding." "Ulga, I am much more powerful than you." "Now just relax and enjoy it." "William?" "William?" "Oh." "Always something in your mouth." "William?" "Are you dead?" "No." "No!" "Why me?" "Oh, wake up, you disgusting shit!" "Twenty million." " What?" " I need you here." "Well, that's real attractive." "We've got to make it look like he died at his house alone." "Room service!" "Let's get him to the bedroom." "OK." "Too far." "The balcony." "Just hold him." "I'll be right back." "Champagne and oysters." " All this just for you?" " Oh, yes." "I mean, someone is joining me." " I'll open the champagne." " I'll take care of it." "Thank you." "Tip's included." "Good night." "I ask you to do one simple thing..." "I don't consider holding a 500-pound corpse simple." " You flung open the door..." " I didn't fling it!" "We just have to get the body back to the house." "Have you seen her?" "Dean." "Shit!" " Angela!" " I'll meet you in five minutes." " He looks pissed." " I'll handle him." "Angela!" "Angela!" "Angela!" " Angela!" " Oh, God!" "Angela, stop!" "I have missed you so much." "So much." "I've never been so in love with anybody in my entire life." "I'm begging you!" "Just give me one more chance." "Marry me again." "What?" "Get up." "How did you find me?" "The title for the Mercedes gave this as your address." "I drove straight through." "Your hair's different." "It looks really pretty." "I like it." " Give me a kiss." " No." "No, no, I've changed." "I've totally changed." "This place is crawling with prime trim," "I'm barely even noticing." " I can't deal with this now." " No, listen to me!" "I'm not leaving without you." "I love you." "I don't care who hears it." "I love her!" "I love her!" "I love her!" "I love her!" "What do you want me to do?" "You want me to sing?" "Come fly with me" " Come fly, come fly..." " Shut up!" "What do you want, baby?" "I'll do anything." "Anything?" "I had no idea you were into this stuff." "Ow!" "I've been trying a lot of new things lately." "Oh, wait." "I don't know about that." "Are you questioning me?" "No." "No, no, no." "It's just..." "Kiss my foot and apologise." "I'm sorry." "Ah..." "Good boy." "Oooh, yes." "Now, I'm just gonna get some... whipped cream." "I got no problem with that." "I'll be right back." "Hurry up." "Careful." "We don't want any more damage to the body." " Housekeeping!" " No." "No." "No!" "Housekeeping." "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "I don't need anything." "Please just get lost." "Lady!" "You know, I've been cleaning this room for three weeks, and so far, no tip." " There's 20 bucks in my pants." " 20?" "How about I sit on your kinky face for a while?" "OK, OK, OK!" "50." "That's more like it." "Unbelievable." "Both of these wallets yours?" "Two wallets?" "Untie me." "Now, that'll be another 20." "All right." "He's sleeping." "He wakes up having one of his famous coughing fits, flails around, and falls onto the statue becoming peniley impaled." "That's believable, right?" "I just really need a shower." "Where's the penis?" "It's still there." "It's just the rigor mortis is gone." "Not his, the statue's." "It's still in the car." "I'll get it." "There you go." "This is..." "This is unbelievable." "Oh, God!" "0h, God!" "You are so enormous." "0h, God, please..." "You gold-digging whore!" "You're already working someone else?" "Get off of her, asshole!" "Get off!" " Don't shoot him, Dean." " Why not?" "He's already dead." "Oh, you are one sick slut!" "I am not a sick slut." "One penis coming up, Mom!" " Wendy?" " Er, hello." "Mom?" " You're her mother?" " It's just a nickname." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." " You two played me." " Oh, no." "The whole marriage was bullshit." "And this one you even offed!" "We didn't off him." "He coughed himself to death." "Yeah, right!" "You let your own daughter seduce me?" "!" "Do you know how much therapy you people need?" "Look, Dean..." "I don't blame you for being upset." "We did an awful thing." "And for the first time, I feel really bad about it." "But maybe, despite all this craziness, there's still hope for us after all." "There's more hope for you and him than for us!" "Dean, please tell me it's OK." "I love you." "Forget it." "Fine!" "Look, you brought this on yourself." " You cheated on me." " You set me up to cheat!" "We can't make a scumbag do anything he wouldn't do..." "Shut up, junior slut!" "Get over there!" "You two got some brass balls in those panties." "I'll give you that." "In the few moments you have left..." "I want to see some begging and some pleading." "Mom..." "Dean, you got so many tells." "You are not the killing type." "Don't screw with me." "I'm on a fine edge here." "Don't." "See?" "No bullets." "Fine." "So I'm not that big on homicide!" "But I could do worse!" "I found all your IDs!" "All your aliases." "I'll get them to the cops when they start investigating decomposing boy!" "You two will get some filthy lesbo lockdown!" "With bad lighting!" "I don't have to kill you to kill you." "Dean, wait!" "Look, what if we gave you back your money?" "Well?" "I stopped walking, didn't I?" "First you've got to help us make it look like this creep died here, so there's no questions." " You know how to do that?" " I'm from Jersey, aren't I?" "Boy, Dean was really incredible with that body." "Well, you gonna let me in on the play?" "What play?" "You promised that mook 300,000." "When we take him to the bank, we'll be about 300,000 short." " The money will be there." " What?" "I don't want a big scene about this, but Mrs Vogal from the IRS was more of a" ""protecting you from making the worst mistake of your life" thing than a "the government took all our money" thing." "OK?" "What?" "I pulled a tiny little con to keep you from leaving." "Oh, you bitch of bitches!" "Stop it!" "There seems to be a problem with your account, Ms Conners." " It was closed yesterday." " That's impossible." " What the hell is going on?" " Nothing." "I swear." "Here's the signature." "Barbara." "Wait." "I gave my old partner all my account numbers for the IRS scam and that hag ripped off every penny!" "Tell that to your cellmates." "For once she's telling the truth." "I'm going to believe the seed of Satan?" "Give me the keys to my car." " What?" " Give me the keys to the Mercedes." "Goodbye." "I can't believe it." "I can't believe this." "I've blown both our lives." "I'm sorry, Page." "I'm a terrible person." "I'm a terrible mother." "I'm a terrible everything." "Aw..." "You're finally seeing things clearly." "What the hell are you doing?" "You want money?" "The guy who wants to marry me is worth 1.5 in a divorce." " She's just gonna screw with him." " Hugely." "I was wondering how long you were gonna stay this time." "Look..." "I know I've been horrible, but this talk about love and marriage can make anyone act freaky." "I know that I must seem like a mean selfish bitch, but..." "No." "You seem like the sweetest, most wonderful person I've ever met." "What a moron." "Friends, employees, beer wholesaler..." "I have an announcement." "Jane and I are getting married." " That is awesome!" " Yeah." "Jane, come here." "Jack, so now that you have some extra responsibilities, that doesn't mean you're going to sell this place?" "No." "We'll do just fine." "Thanks, man." "Sell what, honey?" "Nothing." "Someone offered me three million for the bar and the land." "Three million." "That sounds like something." "Yeah, but this place was my dad's." "You know, it's home." "It's too late anyway." "They got another lot." "Yeah." "There's no money." "I'm bailing." "No!" "You can still get a decent settlement." "He'll lose the bar." "This is wrong." "It's over." "She's growing a conscience on my score?" "Don't make her do this." "I'll get your money." "No." "We're doing it." "May I have this dance?" "Um, Jack..." "I gotta go." "Is that who I think it is?" "Jane!" "Is it." "How are you, darling?" "Pissed off." "We were just on our way to see you at the hotel." "Oh, this isn't Jack, is it?" "Jane goes on and on about you." "I think she's in love!" "I'm Betty, Jane's second cousin, and this is my brother." "Vinny Staggliano." "I'm afraid you caught us at a weird time." "I just asked asked Jane to marry me and..." "Oh, that's great!" "Congratulations." "I think she's having second thoughts." "That's just the way our Jane is." "But she gets over it though." "Especially when her family's here." "Why don't you kiss and make up?" " I'm not really in the mood..." " Kiss." "That's nice." "I think your relatives are gonna like Bill's boat." "Who cares what they like?" "Nice boat." "I'm so sorry." "I'm so clumsy." "That's OK." " How ya doing, Skippy?" " Hey." "Hey, you." "I got the lotion." "Who's got the hands?" "Don't look at me." "I don't like getting all gunky." "Jack, would you mind?" " Sure." " Thanks, babe." "You are the most kind, wonderful man." "Look at all the fish." "Got it." "This is gonna be a fun trip." "I honestly don't know why you'd want to wear an off-the-shoulder." "This is what I want." "Fine." "What would I know?" "I've only been married 13 times." "I'm coming out." "You'd better be nice." "I'm always nice." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Fine." "If you're going to be sarcastic." "I'm not being sarcastic." "It's perfect." "Really?" "There's nothing you would change?" "Not a thing." "Oh, my God." "I might just see what it looks like without this." "I take it back." "No." "No, I like that idea." "So, Mother likes it?" " She's not my mother." " I'm not her mother." "You really are good at this." "I'm almost buying it." "Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family." "We have come here today to celebrate two wonderful people who have managed to find each other in this sometimes seemingly cold world, and pledge their hearts." "Do you, Jack Withrowe, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife, to love her, honour her and cherish her until death do you part?" "I do." "And do you, Jane Helstrom, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, to love, honour and to cherish him until death do you part?" "I do." "What?" "I do." "I now pronounce you husband and wife, and you may kiss the bride." "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr and Mrs Withrowe." "Make sure he sees you drinking a lot." "That won't be hard." "There's my wonderful new daughter-in-law." " Are you avoiding me?" " Uh, no." "I gotta go." "Don't let it bother you." "She's shyer than shit." "What is it you do, Mr Staggliano?" "College professor." "Oh, what do you teach?" "College stuff." "What are you, a fucking cop?" " Congratulations." " Thank you." "I'll only need 30 minutes." "It won't work." "He loves me too much." "Men don't turn women down." "Just like our first date, only less mud." "It's beautiful." "Happy?" "I always know the right thing to say." "I love you..." "Jack." "I love you very much." "You're different, aren't you?" "You wouldn't let anything ruin this." "Well, sometimes these hotel soaps irritate my skin." "I'm serious." "Say nothing will ruin us." "Nothing will ever take me away or keep me from loving you." "Um...can I have some water?" "I think I drank too much champagne." "OK." "Jane?" "Jack?" "What are you doing out here alone?" "Oh, my wife celebrated herself into an early coma." "Well, her loss is my gain." "Walk me to my room." "I have a wedding gift for you." "No, that's OK." "I was just gonna..." "Oh, come on." "You can't turn down a wedding gift." "It's bad luck." " I never heard that." " Sure." "Everything to do with weddings is bad luck." "I can only stay a minute." "Will you just relax?" "OK?" "Sit down." "This hotel is so nice." "I'm so glad my brother and I decided to stay here too." "Er, yeah, it's..." "You mentioned something about a gift." "You're so greedy." "But I happen to have it right here." "Cognac." "Wow." "80 years old." "Jane is gonna love this." "Thank you so much." "Oh, can't we just try some?" "Please?" "Jack." "Thought you might not want to wait alone." "Ow!" "Ow, ow." "Could be wrong." "It feels good going down, doesn't it?" "It's er..." "It's really good." "No, thanks." "I should be getting back to Jane." "Jack, she's asleep." "Come on." "You deserve to have a bit of fun on your wedding night." "It's just fruit." "It's just a waste of time." "He's just gonna throw her out on her ass." "I'm not worried." "Is that why you're melting down the remote?" "Cute." "You got a tiny bit of cream... right..." " I gotta go." " Oh, why?" " I just can't do this." " What's the matter?" "Is it because you don't find me attractive?" "No." "No." "A part of me is very, very interested, but the other parts are yelling, "You just married her cousin."" "Jane would never know." "I promise." "Yeah, but I would." "I could never do that to someone I love." "Yeah." "You really do love her, don't you?" "Yeah, and I really should be getting back." "Look, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." "Please don't leave like this." "Can't we just, you know, have a make-up drink or something?" "I'll be good, I promise." "Please." " I'm going over there." " It isn't time yet." "I don't care, you shit!" "I can't do this to him." "It hurts when you screw with people's feelings." "Not as much as this." "Oh, my God!" "Jane!" "What?" "I'm sorry." "While we are willing to admit some wrongdoing on the part of my client, given the extremely short duration of the marriage..." "No negotiation." "Give her whatever she wants." "We talked about you not saying that." "Give her whatever she wants." "Jane." "Jane!" "I don't know what happened." "It was weird." "There's only one man in the world." "What the hell's taking so long?" "Oh, relax." "You'll get your money." "You destroyed my daughter, but you'll get it." "Hey, I was minding my own business when you bitches came along and ripped out my heart for a game of hacky sack!" "Come off it." "We're both the same." "Scum." "We are not the same." "I wasn't lying when I said "I do"." "No, you were lying when you tried to nail Page." "Look, where I come from guys make mistakes sometimes." "It didn't change the fact that I loved you." "I know I wouldn't do it again." " Because you got caught." " No." "Because of what I lost." "I'm not the only guy in the world that's ever screwed up." "Even a goody-goody like Jack can't keep his wang in the hanger." "Yes, he can." " What did you say?" " Nothing." "No, no, no." "What did you say?" "I micked him." "Strictotoxin." "You're between out and awake." "I makes people easy to handle." "Whoa!" "Wait." "You're kidding?" "He said no, and you let her believe he went for a soil sample?" "That's a new low, even for you!" "Look, you wanted your money." "What was I supposed to do?" "Tell her the guy you made us con was the only decent guy she ever met?" "This is just too sick!" "I thought this revenge thing would be fun, but you've ruined it." " I don't want this guy's money." " I don't either." " I'm not taking it." " Neither am I." " Neither am I!" " I'll take it." " What?" " You said you didn't want it." "You should tell Page the truth." "What for?" "He's only gonna end up hurting her anyway." "She's better off with me." "I'll protect her." "From what?" "From love?" " From pain." " Love is pain!" "Life is pain." "You can't protect anybody." "It's always gonna get you." "Sometimes life can also be good." "But you gotta be open, you gotta take chances, you gotta let go!" "What self-help guru moron taught you that?" "Nobody had to teach me." "It's common sense." "And Deepak Chopra is not a moron!" "I've seen a lot of crap in my life, but the way you're cheating her out of a decent future, it sucks!" "Of all the lousy things you've done, you should be most ashamed of that." "And what you did to me, too." "I don't want to leave that out." " Here's your money." " I don't want it." " Good luck with psycho mom." " What was that?" " I took care of it." " How?" "I don't want to talk about it." "Let's just get out of here." "So where are we going?" "Seattle or San Francisco?" "You know, you don't have to stay with me." "There's plenty of money for you to set up on your own." "You can have it." "Thanks, Mom, but you're the only person in this world I even half trust." "What are you doing?" " Turning around." " Why?" " Promise you won't attack me?" " What is it?" "We're travelling at speed." "It would endanger us." "What is it?" "Jack turned me down." "So I kinda..." "I micked him." "You are the most evil, manipulative..." "You're right." "I am." "I've just been so afraid of losing you or of you getting hurt like me." "But I can't protect you." "I just get you hurt in different, sick ways." "So you might as well get hurt in your own healthy, normal ways - ways you come up with on your own and can't blame me for." "Oh, it's a hug." "I can pull over for a hug." "Don't cry too much or you'll look like hell when you go back to him." "You should wear the blue dress." "Mom." "Right." "Wear whatever you want." "Except what you're wearing." "What are you doing here?" "You know what I'm doing here." "You thought I'd want you after what you did?" "You don't?" "OK, fine." "All right." "Wait, wait, OK, fine." "So I still want you." "No kidding." "But don't you ever cheat on me again." "Ever." "Ever!" " OK, fine!" " I mean it." "If you see some gorgeous girl giving you that "Let's screw around" look, just remember she may be working for me." "All right, fine!" "But you!" "No more conning!" "No more!" "As my wife, you gotta live a respectable life - chopping cars." "First you gotta help me with one thing." "No." "First you gotta help me." "OK." "You're not gonna fall asleep on me again, are you?" "I feel pretty good about tonight." "I don't wanna go in there." "The bank owns it now." " There's some stuff left." " I cleared out everything." "Surprise!" "Jane?" " How...?" " My name is Page." "I never realised I could feel this way again." "That I could be so totally in love with someone." "Oh, I feel the same way, Stanley."