"Previously on Desperate Housewives:" "No adoption agency's going to touch us." "There are ways to get babies." " Twenty thousand dollars." " Wheels were put in motion..." " I love you." " Oh, thank you." " I love Mike." " True emotions were revealed..." " Who the hell is Mike?" " Perception is reality, Andrew." "My name is Bree." "And I'm an alcoholic." "And false pretences became a way of life." "Gabrielle Solis had always been a demanding shopper." "Carlos, come on." "They're here!" "And whatever the purchase, she always expected the very best, whether it was exotic perfume shipped over from Paris," "a high fashion gown straight from a runway in Milan, or designer shoes flown in from Manhattan." "But on this day, her expectations were going to be put to the test." "You see, Gabrielle was now shopping for a baby." "And there was a problem with the manufacturer." "Mostly, I want to feel like I'm giving my baby to people who have what it takes to be really great parents." "You won't find another couple with more love for a child." "Isn't that right, honey?" "Honey?" "Right, right." "Lots of love." " Honey, can I talk to you for a second?" " OK." " Look, we have to find another mother." " Why?" "This isn't easy to say, so I'm just gonna say it." "But, have you taken a good look at her?" "You saying you don't want Deanna's baby because she's plain?" "Since that woman walked into our house, the clocks have stopped working." "No one can predict what a child is gonna look like." "Her kid could end up winning beauty contests." "The only thing that kid's gonna be winning is Best in Show." "Look, I'm sorry." "But I want a pretty baby." "So let's find another mother." "Your obsession with looks won't screw this up." "I want a child." "Any child." "Fine." "Just know in a couple days, when that thing is born, and you're gonna have to snuggle up with something with that face on it, don't come crying to me." "I'm sorry." "Now, where were we?" "Talking about the custody arrangement once Deanna gives birth." "It's usually best if the mother doesn't see the child at all." "As soon as the doctors finish giving their initial check-up delivery room, the baby will be handed over to you." "Yes, Gabrielle had always been a demanding shopper." "Sorry." "Because she knew there are some purchases that can't be returned." "At 6. 10 the next morning, Deanna Pruse went into premature labour and gave birth to what would eventually be an incredibly attractive baby boy." "At 11.43, Dr Hanson Mills cut the umbilical cord, forever separating mother and child." "At that exact same moment, Dr Ron McCready entered the private room of Susan Mayer with every intention of severing their connection." "Hey there." "How's it going?" "Great." "I'm about to be released." "Oh." "That's terrific." "Who's Mike?" "I..." "Why do you ask?" "I don't know." "No reason." "It's just..." "Just before the operation, just before you went under, I said, "I love you", and you said, "I love Mike."" "I did?" "Oh." "Is that why you haven't been in to see me since my surgery?" "Answer the question." "I don't even know a Mike." "Everyone knows a Mike." "Yes, everyone does know a Mike." "I knew a Mike in college." "We did this play, Pippin." "It wasn't very good." "I've never thought of him." "You shouldn't accuse me." "I was probably hallucinating." "Fine." "Fine." "So, who's the guy you're married to?" " Damn that Nurse Hisel." " Or should I say," " "Who's the guy you're cheating on?"" " OK, yes." "I did remarry my ex." "Only because he has health insurance." "Did Miss Blabbermouth tell you that, too?" " You committed insurance fraud?" " Only in the legal sense." "And I just didn't tell you because I wanted to protect you." "OK, you know what?" "You should come over to dinner and meet Karl, and you can see that there is absolutely nothing between us." "Wait, once you're fully recovered, you're gonna divorce him?" "Oh, yeah." "That's the plan." "I swear." "And you swear that you're not in love with anyone named Mike?" "Sure." "OK." "Come here." "I believe you." "The next morning I woke up in an alley, my wallet had been stolen," "I was lying in a pool of my own vomit." "That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom." "OK." "Who's next?" "Bree." "Oh, I couldn't possibly top that." "Thank you, though." "Hi." "Before coming to these meetings," "I never realised how messy substance abusers can be." "We usually leave the doughnut crumbs for the Overeaters Anonymous group." " You know, just to mess with them." " You're awful." "So, tell me, how long have you been sober?" "Gosh." "I'm not exactly sure." "Oh." "Is somebody still drinking?" "Now, why would you say that?" "I've never met an alcoholic yet who didn't know exactly how long it had been since his last drink." "OK." "You got me." "I'm not really an alcoholic." " You don't say." " It's true." "I'm coming here because of my son." "You see, he's trying to take me to court to be an emancipated minor." "He's planning on lying to the judge and telling him that I am some sort of dreadful lush." "So, I'm coming to these meetings to give the impression that I've changed." "But you don't really need to change." " You don't have a problem with alcohol." " Exactly." "I tell you what, here's my card." "If you ever do have a problem or you just feel like talking, give me a call, OK?" "I know you think I'm kidding myself, but I'm not." "I'm nothing like you people." "I just don't have a compulsive personality." "Word is out all over that you're unhappy at Zimms." "So why not jump ship and come to Parcher  Murphy?" "I swear, Veronica, you would fit in so well here." "I do need to make a change, Lynette." "But the money you're offering..." "Yeah, it sucks." "But there are other perks." " Expense account, corner office..." " I don't know." "You're just gonna have to give me time to think about it." "Fair enough." "Fair enough." "OK, what is your secret?" "How can you eat that and keep your figure?" "It's the breast-feeding." "It burns so many calories." "It's like having a treadmill strapped to your chest." " I didn't know you had a child." " Yes." "My son, Donovan." " He's the love of my life." " Really, Veronica?" "Well, there's another perk that I just thought of." "Oh, my gosh." "This is fantastic." "They don't have day-care at Zimms." "How can they not?" "For working parents like you and me, it's a necessity." "So, is the pot getting sweeter?" "Would people be cool with me breast-feeding?" "The guys at Zimms were real jerks." "Parcher  Murphy is mother-friendly." "No one would say a word." "Oh..." " What the heck, I'm in." " Yeah?" "Well, that's fantastic." "Oh, my God." "Whose kids are those?" "I have absolutely no idea." "Let's go hammer out the details." "Ooh." "These can't be our only choices, Mr Beale." "I mean, come on." "Each girl is uglier than the next." "Finding a gorgeous pregnant woman willing to give her baby to folks with a record isn't a walk in the park." "It could be a walk in the sewer." "We're haemorrhaging money into your bank account and I expect results." "You know, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." "If I wanted flies, all I would have to do is call one of these girls." "Trust me." "The flies would follow." "Excuse me, sir, Libby Collins is here for you." "I'll be right out there." "I took the liberty of inviting this girl down to meet you." "Now, I wouldn't exactly say she's a quality human being, but she is attractive." "If you don't respond to her, I'm afraid I'm out of ideas." "He's going to dump us as clients if you don't stop being so damn picky." "We're gonna stare at this face for the next 18 years." "I don't think now is the time to skimp on quality." "Gabrielle, Carlos," "I'd like you to meet Libby." "Well, now, this I can work with." "So, getting pregnant was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, because I went into debt, and I had to stop performing." " Libby's a pole dancer in a strip club." " Oh." "Wow." "That sounds like interesting work." "You'd think so." "But it gets old quickly." "My big dream is to become a choreographer." " Really?" " Yeah." "I made up a move called "The Serpent's Tongue"" "and all the girls at the club are doing it now." "If I had a pole, I could show you." "We'll have to go to the club and check that out." " We'll make a night of it." " Yeah, we'll do that." " So who's the father?" " Honestly, I don't know." "I mean, a lot of guys come into the club and buy me drinks, and sometimes I get a little bit more friendly than I intend to." "I hope you don't think I'm a slut." "No." "Actually, all we think about when we look at you is how pretty you are." "I've heard enough, Mr Beale." "If Libby here likes us as much as we like her, we should just go ahead and move to adopt her baby girl." "First, we should probably talk about how much money I want." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Nobody's buying a baby here." "That's illegal." "Money can never exchange hands." "You'll make a list of your expenses" " and the Solises here will pay." " Oh, but can't they also buy me gifts?" "I knew this one girl who gave up her baby and she got a Harley." "I don't know that we can afford a Harley, but we'll find some way to express our gratitude." "OK." "Whatever." "Well, my lunch break is over." "So I have to get back to the club." "Until I get rid of this kid, I'm slinging drinks." "It was really nice to meet you, Mr and Mrs Solis." " Oh, it's actually pronounced "Solis."" " Sorry." " So what kind of name is that?" " It's Mexican." "Both our families come from Guadalajara." " I figured you were Italian." " Nope." "Latino and proud of it." "Good for you." "Wow, she's gorgeous." "Yeah." "My little girl's going to inherit some wonderful genes." "Is this Libby's real hair colour?" "Yes." "It's all natural from her straight teeth to her C cup." "She's athletic because she's a pole dancer." "So I really hope that my little girl inherits that as well." "The athletic gene." "Not the pole dancing gene." "Susie, baby!" "Oh, I got your call." "I thought I'd stop by." "I didn't realise you had company." "Hello." "We'll just be a second." " Just wheel me." "Be right back." " Just be a sec." "Did he just call her baby?" "Yeah." "When did they stop hating each other?" "I need you to ditch Edie tomorrow night and have dinner with Dr Ron and me." "Now why would I do that?" "For starters, because you banged your secretary and you owe me for the rest of your life." "I'll bring the wine." "Well, you know, before Mike came along," "I assumed they'd get back together." "Why?" "I thought they annoyed each other." "During the good times there was such a spark between them." "So much passion." "They would always make each other laugh." "You told Dr Ron that you still love Mike?" "OK, will you shut up?" "It's not funny." "I was drugged." "Right." "Sorry." "Sorry." "So, how'd you get out of that one?" " I told him I didn't know a Mike." " Everyone knows a Mike." " I am aware of that." " Why didn't you just..." "Because I panicked, OK?" "Dr Ron hadn't come in to see me since the operation and I was feeling insecure, and I just didn't feel like the truth was a luxury I could afford." "Yes, go ahead." "You may resume laughing." "Ladies." "Always a pleasure." "And you I'll see tomorrow." "What?" "This is just a sketch, but you see what I'm thinking of?" "I love it." "I just love it." "Let's get a copy to Ed." "I've got to take this." "It's Tom." "My nanny is here with my son." "I need to go feed him anyway." "Take your time." "Hey, honey." "How's the Big Apple treating you?" "Good." "Did those snooty clients like your pitch?" "Well, that's perfect." "Excellent." "I'm..." "I'm..." "I'm gonna call you back." "Oh, my God." "Hello there." "I thought you and your friend might like some snacks." "He's my lawyer and this is privileged communication." " So get out." " There's no need to be rude." "This is very kind of you, Mrs Van De Kamp." "I'm still appalled you're helping my son with this ridiculous emancipation scheme." "But, you are a guest in my house, and guests get sandwiches." "If you'd let me go to his office, you wouldn't have to be nice to him." "Andrew, there may be a judge out there stupid enough to emancipate you." "But until you find him, I retain all my parental rights." "One of which is to ground your sorry behind until kingdom come." "Mr Bormanis, nice to see you again." "And please don't get crumbs on my carpet." "You have got to get me out of here." " That bitch is driving me crazy." " Well, this case is not a slam-dunk." "Her drinking's supposed to be our silver bullet." "Since she joined AA..." "We've gotta do something." "If she wins, she's gonna own me." "My advice?" "Convince her it's in her best interest to let you go." "You don't want to see the inside of a courtroom." " Why?" " In family court, appearance means everything." "If she came off abusive or stoned or even uncaring, we'd be in good shape." "But if there's one thing your mom understands..." "It's presentation." " Can I borrow 50 dollars?" " Purse." " Why do you want so much money?" " I'm 19." "I need money." "Do I have to be interrogated?" "You do if you want a dime out of me." "What's it for?" "Danielle's birthday is next week." "I want to get her a decent present." "Write her a poem." "It's free." " Is there something else you want?" " Do you think I like to beg for money?" "I do this because you won't let me get a job." "Looking after your brother is a full-time job, for both of us." " You know that." " Well, screw him." "I'm serious." "We have both put our entire lives on hold, and for what?" "In almost a year he hasn't gotten better." " I see him improving." " Because you see what you want to see." "It's time to put him away." "Let professionals take care of him." "We wouldn't have to move." "We could have our lives back." "What's wrong?" " You're fighting." " No." "Sweetie." "Matthew's friend Danielle has a birthday coming up." "We were just talking about what gift to give her." "Well, I was thinking jewellery." "So 50 bucks should do it." "Why not 20?" "You don't want to spoil her." "On page six, is an example of the new print ad." " Check it out." " I'm thirsty." "Oh, honey, everyone's working." "I'm sorry, this'll just take a sec." "Is it just me or is that bizarre?" "It's bizarre." "Totally bizarre." " We've got to make her stop this." " Hey, don't get me wrong." "I find that as bizarre as you guys do." "But right now, this firm needs Veronica more than she needs us." "Telling a mother how to raise her kids is an act of war." "We will lose her." "The kid is five." "It's disgusting." "Well, we'll just ask her to keep the blinds always drawn when she nurses." "We'll still know what's going on." "It's a distraction." "And God forbid a client sees her." "OK." "So who's gonna tell her?" "You're a woman." "It's easier for you to talk to her" " about milk and boobs and stuff." " No." "No." "Plea..." "Don't make me." "Why don't you have Jerry tell her?" "I made a pass at her yesterday." "It'd be weird." "You can do it without offending her." "Come on." "Take one for the team." "OK." "But for the record, the team is made up of wimps." "The team's aware of that and accepts your loathing." "Yeah?" "Hi." "No, no, no." "We were just out buying some stuff for the baby." "What's up?" "Seriously?" "OK." "Thanks for calling." " What is it?" " That was our lawyer." " Libby rejected us as parents." " Why?" " Because we're Mexican." " What?" "That's discrimination." "We could have her arrested." "It's her baby." "She can do whatever the hell she wants to with it." " Damn it." " No." "No." "You don't toss people aside because of the colour of their skin." "We tossed mothers aside because of their appearance." " Well, that's different." " Why?" "I've read the Constitution." "It does not protect ugly people." "Let's not fight about it." "Let's just move on to the next one." "No." "No, no, no." "I want that woman's baby." "And I'm gonna get it." "And just how are you gonna go about doing that?" "First of all, I'm gonna show her one of our tax returns." "Once she sees how much money we have," "I have a hunch we're gonna look a whole lot whiter." "Hey, Veronica." "Hi, Donovan." "My, he's getting big." " How old is he?" " He just turned five." " Oh, wow." "He's such a big boy." " Yeah." "Hey, you know, breast-feeding on this schedule must be a real hassle." "I remember I used to express my milk into a bottle." "Made my life so much easier." "Is there a problem, Lynette?" "The people in this office feel a little... concerned that you're nursing a boy of Donovan's age." "Breast milk boosts the immune system." "It's loaded with vitamins, and in the Third World, it's not unusual to nurse babies up to the age of six." "Yeah, well, in the Third World, they don't have juice boxes." "This is Donovan's decision." "He will tell me when he's ready to stop nursing." "Baby birds don't jump out of the nest." "They need to be pushed." "Did you know breast-milk is thought to raise IQ scores?" "Yeah." "Maybe if you'd weaned your kids a bit later, they'd be more civilised." "Ouch." "I will not be judged by you or anyone else." "If people don't like my breast-feeding, they can talk to my lawyer." "And then she took the salad bowl, put it on the floor, and said if you want to act like a pig, you can eat like a pig." "I never thought I'd have such a good time hanging out with my girlfriend and her husband." "Behind all the laughs, there's still bitterness and resentment." " Oh, really?" " Yeah." "What do you say we clear the table, bring dessert?" " No." "I got it." " You're not doing anything." "You're in a wheelchair for a reason." "OK?" "Let Karl and I do the dishes." "If I catch you talking about me, you're gonna be in a wheelchair." " Oh, really?" " Yeah." "Yeah?" "Well, I think maybe the dishes can wait for a second." "Yeah, just a second." " What the hell?" " What's the matter?" "Jeez." "Ah, we've got a leak!" "I'll sop up the water." "You go see the guy across the street." " He's a plumber." "In the grey house." " I'll be right back." "His name's Delfino." "Where's he going?" "We've got a bit of a plumbing emergency." "So you sent him over to Mike's?" "Oh, my God." "I am such an idiot." "I wasn't even thinking of that." "There was just so much water here and I..." "Oh, God." "What were you thinking?" "Oh." "Hi, Mr Delfino." "My name's Ron." "My girlfriend is Susan Mayer." "You know, from across the street?" " Yeah." "Yeah, I know her." " We've got kind of a burst pipe." "OK." "Come on in while I get my tools." "And you can call me Mike." "Oh!" "Ow!" "Oh." "OK, I made it." "So, Mike, have you..." "have you known Susan long?" " A year and a half." " Ow!" "Ooh!" " Didn't she mention we dated?" " No, no, she didn't." "She didn't." "Oh!" "Can you excuse me, please?" "That smarts." " Liar!" " I take it you met Mike." " Yeah, I did." " Please, let me explain." " No, just let go of me." " Whoa!" " I'm sorry!" " OK." "Here, come on, let me help you." "Hey, get away from her." "Are you OK?" " I'm fine." " What the hell is the matter with you?" " Hey!" "That was an accident." " It didn't look like an accident." " OK, Mike, it's OK." "Just go home." " Yeah." "Go home." "You touch her like that again, you're gonna be dealing with me." " You might want to get out of my face." " Or what?" "OK." "Ron!" "What are you doing?" "Oh, my God." "Guys, stop it!" "Stop it right now!" "I wasted my time with you." "You've been leading me on." "You're obviously still in love with this guy." " All right, I'm done." " No, Ron, don't go." "Don't call me." "Oh, Ron." "What the hell is wrong with you?" " I thought he was hurting you." " Well, he wasn't." "And now my boyfriend is gone." "Thank you very much." "OK." "The pole is your friend, OK?" "Push your boobs up against it." "Oh, I can't." "They're new." "Well, do something, Cecile." "I'm losing my wood down here!" "Wow." "That's a kicking outfit." "Well, thank you, sweetie." "I clean up well for a wetback, don't I?" "Look, I'm not some sort of racist." "I just want what's best for my baby girl." "Why should I settle for middle-class Mexicans when I know I can find rich white folks to adopt her?" "Please." "Do I look middle-class to you?" "You didn't seem all that rich in Mr Beale's office." "When I brought up gifts, your husband acted like he couldn't afford a Harley." "Is that what it's gonna take to change your mind?" "A gift?" "Fine." "What do you want?" "I don't know." "You like jewellery?" "Well, here." " Real diamonds?" " The one in the centre is three karats." "I never touched a real diamond before." "Well, my husband and I can expose you to a lot of nice new things." " Well, only if I let you have my baby." " Well, like they say, there's no such thing as a free lunch." "OK." " Really?" "Just like that." " Just like that." "We probably shouldn't tell the lawyer about our understanding." " We'd have to deal with percentages." " I always hated math." "What's wrong?" "You never gave a crap that we were Mexican, did you?" "Not really." "So why put me through this?" "Because I thought if it looked like you weren't gonna get my baby, that you might be a bit more generous." "Wow." "You're a lot smarter than I thought." "I'm smarter than everybody thinks." " Where's my mom?" "I'm thirsty." " Oh, I'm sorry, honey." "Your mom is in her office on a conference call and she's busy." "So you're just gonna have to wait, OK?" " What's that?" " It's chocolate milk." "I shouldn't be having it." "Have you ever had any?" "Follow me." "Here." "Go ahead." "Try it." "Come on." "You'll really like it." "I promise." "Come on, all the grown-ups are drinking it." "Yeah, that's good." "Just chug it on down." "Good." "You like that?" "Would you like dessert, another glass of wine?" "Oh, no." "Thank you." "I have to run." "Just the check." "I have a charity event this weekend and I have to find a dress before the store closes." "But everything was just yummy." "It looks good on your ass." "Hey, Mrs Van De Kamp." "What do you think you're doing?" "You're grounded." "I'm buying a belt." "With what?" "You don't have any money." "You took that out of my purse?" " Give that back!" " We're going home." "I'll tell the judge about you stealing credit cards." "It's gonna do wonders for your emancipation case." "I don't think you'll let this get to court." "Oh?" "And why is that?" "Cos I'd be forced to testify about my childhood." "You had one of the loveliest childhoods I've known." "You sure about that?" "Because I'm starting to remember some abuse." "Andrew." "The judge is not seriously going to believe that I beat you." "Oh, I'm not talking about that kind of abuse." "You know, it's funny." "The angrier I get, the more these repressed memories start to come up." "You can't be serious." "Like touching me in places you shouldn't have." "No one is ever gonna believe a word of that." "Yeah, well, you know how people are." "They might say that they believe you, but they'll always wonder." "So, if I were you, I'd back the hell off." "Come on, Justin." "I'm gonna buy you something pretty." "On second thought, I will have another glass of wine." "You can leave the bottle." " Yeah?" " Hi." "It's Bree." "Van De Kamp." "I didn't know who else to call." "And well, I'm in a bit of a situation." " Well, how did you get stuck like that?" " I would rather not discuss it now." "Man, the other security guys are not gonna believe this." "Do you mind?" "I'd prefer if you... didn't." "Your son threatened you with repressed memories?" "Oh, my God." "He is seriously twisted." "I got to meet this kid." "You sound like you're impressed." "I sort of am." "Sounds like you're definitely raising an alpha male." "I'm raising a monster is what I'm raising." "It's no wonder I drink." "I don't know why I said that." "Maybe it's true." "No." "It makes it sound like I think I have a problem." "And I don't." "Look, I don't want to get into a fight or anything, but you passed out in a department store." "And in my way of thinking, that is a problem." "Tonight was a very unusual situation." "I wish you could have known me when Rex was alive and my kids were young and everything was the way it was supposed to be." "I think you really would've liked me." "So much." "I like you just fine." "Really?" "Because I don't." "Bye." "Mom?" "Andrew?" "Caleb?" "Hey, Danielle." "What are you doing here?" "Happy birthday." "You really have to go home." "If my mom knew you were here, she'd freak." " Don't you wanna wear it?" " No, I don't." "Please leave." " I can help you with it." " Didn't you hear me, freak?" "Leave!" "Hey." "What's wrong?" "You can tell everyone in the office to relax." " He won't take my milk anymore." " Already?" "I mean, I'm sorry." "Yeah, I bet." "I mean, I'm not naive." "I just didn't think it would be so soon." "Oh, sweetie." "I know that we want to keep them young as long as we can, but kids grow up." "They just do." "I know." "If that's not bad enough, now I'm gonna get fat again." "Breast-feeding was the thing that kept the weight off." "Every mealtime was like doing 30 minutes of cardio." "Now I'm gonna have to join a gym." "Wow." "That is really a bummer." "It is." "It really is." "Hey." "Julie let me in." "I can see that." "You run out of strangers to beat up on the street and you're going house-to-house?" "I feel really awful about what happened." "You don't want to be my boyfriend, fine." "Don't beat up the only guy who wants the job." "I know I overreacted." "But the way he was yelling at you..." "I deserved it." "Believe me." "After what I did..." "God, this is such a mess." "He won't even return my phone calls." "What did you do?" "I said something to Dr Ron before the operation" " and it just devastated him." " What?" " I can't tell you." " Yeah, you can." "You can tell me anything." "You know that." "Mom?" "Phone call." "It's Dr Ron." "Oh." "I need to take this." "You... you want to talk about this later?" "No." "No, not really." "What's the point?" "Hi." "At that precise moment, as Dr Hanson Mills was cutting yet another umbilical cord, other ties were being severed all over town." "Like the one between a child and a mother who didn't want him to grow up so quickly." "Or the one between a case of fine wine and the housewife who hadn't wanted to admit she had a problem." "Or the one between a woman and the boyfriend who couldn't forgive her betrayal." "The choice to separate from what we love is painful." "Hey." "How's my girl today?" "How are both of my girls?" "The only thing worse..." "We're doing good." "We're doing real good." "...is when someone we've trusted makes the choice for us."