"Previously on "The Arrangement"..." "I never thought Lisbeth would just bail on me at our wedding." "It's just weird, because I don't really understand what happened between them." "You're the truth." "That's the only thing I care about." "I'd like to keep my husband out of this." "I don't know if you're ready for me, but I guess we'll find out." "I lived in an unbelievable house with his hands on me every night." "I don't want to go back to reality, and I won't do it quietly." "I have a missing persons case." "How's Sophie Marchuk progressing at the facility?" "As of last week, right on schedule." "Ever since I read the play, it's like the voices of the characters have already been in my head." "Whoo!" "And Nate is just getting used to the fact that he needs to give him line readings, because Owen literally cannot process anything else." " Is that what I think it is?" " Yep." "I never thought you'd actually find 'em." "The magic that is eBay." "What did you get from eBay?" "I have no idea what those are for, but they are amazing." "I'm doing the Gwen Byers show next week." "She does this whole bit on, uh, going back to your childhood." "You were a roller-skater?" "Me too!" "♪ La-di-dah-di, my boyfriend is a hottie ♪" "♪ Come and take a ride in my sexy Maserati ♪" "We used to make up songs when we roller-skated." "Hmm." "I was, uh, a jam skater." "Oh." "Emphasis on the jam." "So bust out some moves for me." "Not yet." "No, no." " I need to practice." " Oh, come on." " Don't be roller shy." " No, it's not that." "I seriously haven't done this in years." "Kyle, the point is, it's adorable that you're trying at all." "It doesn't matter if you're good." "No, it totally matters." "You make it look like you're gonna make a fool of yourself, then you kill it." "That's the bit." "That seems like a lot of pressure." " Well, it's national TV." " That's what they want." "That's weird." "She never calls me." "It's okay if you want to answer." "Go ahead." "Answer it." "What if she's dying?" "I didn't mean that." "_" "I saw her name on the caller ID, and for a split second, it took me back to last year." "What if she wanted to get back together?" "It's weird, right?" "Well, what did she want?" "She left a message." "She's going on the Roger Boyd show tonight." "Why?" "She doesn't have anything to promote." "I don't know, but you know Boyd." "He'll be pushing for details about our relationship." "I think she just wanted to make sure that I wasn't blindsided." "That call's supposed to come from her reps to me." "Lisbeth shouldn't be contacting you." " It's okay." " No, it's not." "The agreement's pretty clear on that." "Look, I'm not gonna fall apart." "I think we can all relax about that." "Kyle, the issue is that she knows everything about you that nobody's supposed to know." "I think it's smart to have boundaries in place." "Okay, but I want to be the one to figure out what they are." "Like you did with your father?" "At least I'm talking to you about this right now." "Look, I know what a liability my past is, but I can't pretend it doesn't exist." "Not anymore." "So you're telling me you want to call Lisbeth back?" "I already did." "I left her a message and said thanks and wished her the best." "I hung up the phone feeling really good." "Kate... it's not your fault." "How?" "I helped raise a monster... a killer, but I still see him as my baby brother." "I still see him crying when I left for work." "He's the one who taught me what love is." "He taught me, and now he's taken it all away." "Ugh, you hated it." "No, no." "No, it was fantastic." "It just..." "Thanks." "I feel good about it." "You're missing something, though." "Something." "Yeah." "Like longing, maybe?" "Longing." "Jesus Christ, get out of my head." "I like it there." "Let's take it from the top of the scene." "So you're sleeping with the director." " What?" " I'm gonna kill you." " No, I'm not." " Megan, cut the crap." "It's coming off you two like cheap body spray." "Okay, I have no idea what that means, but we're not sleeping together." "We respect each other's artistic sensibilities." "No, don't do that." "That's insulting." "We haven't slept together." "And I've got a handle on it." "Oh, my God." "Wrong answer." "Okay, then I'll go back to respecting each other's artistic sensibil..." "Megan, you are under contract." "Okay?" "You can't even think about sniffing another man's penis." " What?" " Infidelity is breach." "I know that." "And by the way, that goes for Kyle too." "Yeah, well, Kyle's not gonna screw Nate." " He's got better taste." " Funny." "Lisbeth called him this morning." " So?" " So, I don't know." "He was weird." "And why is she calling him, anyway?" "That's not relevant." "You don't get to do the whole jealous girlfriend tit-for-tat thing." "Look, Lisbeth's apparently broke." " What?" " She just got fired off the new Delmin Riley movie." " Really?" " Showing up late, having meltdowns on set..." "she's a total train wreck." "So don't be jealous." "And don't be stupid." "Dave, your optimism does me no good." "I need a solid number, and a commitment that Andrews is gonna stick with it, because I'm not gonna hemorrhage money on this film." "Yeah." "Uh-huh." "Dave, I'm..." "I'm gonna cut you off, because right now, I don't really... care what your next move is, okay?" "So I want you guys to start wrapping your heads around making your days, because if I have to come down there and pick through Andres's precious camera truck, it's gonna be bloody..." "I have to go." " Yeah." " How's the writing going?" "I need a break." "Want to try something new?" "Yeah, this is already pretty new." "Because we might get caught?" "Yeah, so let's make this quick." "Oh, my God!" "No..." "I said..." "I said no!" "Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you?" " I said no!" " You're gonna like it." "You just don't know." "Bullshit." "Get out of my car." "I knew you weren't ready for me." "Kyle's on his way." "Should just be a few minutes." "Thanks, Zach." "_" "Okay." "Since we're all friends now, tell us what really went down between you and Kyle West." "I mean, why exactly did you leave him?" "Honestly, Rodger, there's not really a story to tell." "Come on, there's got to be a story." " Did he cheat on you?" " No!" "Okay, he's a really honorable guy." "Okay, yeah, sure, but this is honor Hollywood style." "No one's a saint." "What about this Institute of Higher Mind thing he's into?" " That's a cult, right?" " Ah... no... no!" " No, it's not." " Oh, three pauses." "Three, okay, that's a cult, all right?" "Look, honestly, I really don't feel comfortable talking about IHM, so could we move on?" "Fine, moving on, but you gotta give me something..." "You sure you want to listen to this?" "I don't have to." "Being with Kyle was amazing." "I mean, come on, he's Kyle West." "But Kyle's world is really big... and it's just easy to get lost in it." "And that's what happened." "We just lost our connection, and when we did, we just couldn't get it back." "It sounds like you still have feelings for him." "Of course I do." "I mean, Kyle's the love of my life." "Just to be clear: he is the love of your life." "You're talking in the present tense?" "Yeah." " What Kyle and I had..." " Okay, I think I'm good." " You?" " That was awkward." " Sorry." " Don't be." "I'm the one who decided to listen." "I wasn't going to." "She's obviously just looking for attention." "You knew about it?" "Yeah, yeah, that's why she called." "She gave me the heads up." "So she was looking for attention from you." " That's not what I meant." " Kyle... she told you about the interview, then she confessed her undying love for you?" "She wanted to make sure you heard it." "Come on, you know it's not that simple." " It's a national radio show." " Right." "Nothing's ever what it looks like." "So how do you feel?" "Hearing what she said?" "Regardless of how I feel, you're the center of my world." "That's not changing." "That's..." "I'm sorry." "I know you want me to be real with you." "We were together a long time." "It affects me." "I think, um..." "I think I kidded myself into believing you were totally over her." "I'm working on it." "I promise you, I really am." "I don't want anything coming in between us." "Please trust me." "DeAnn Anderson to see Adam." "Oh, of course." "Can I get you anything?" "Uh, water." "Room temp." "Hello, how can I help you?" "I'm sorry, he's out." "DeAnn?" "DeAnn." "Perfect timing." "Right this way." "You ready to pitch this movie, Mr. Director?" "I've been ready for three years." "It's a great read, Terence." "It's really tapping into a hunger that's out there in the zeitgeist." "Thanks, Barry." "Hopefully the book can help plant the seeds." "Exactly." "Now, I have just a handful of thoughts for you to consider for the next pass." "I'm glad you enjoyed the read." "Talk to you soon." "Whoa, whoa, hold on, Terence, wait  Because you all want to find a deeper connection to each other, to yourselves, to this world that we inhabit every day." "And so I want to say, I'm proud of you for being here." "So what we're gonna do tonight is we're just gonna reach across to our partners." "We're gonna take each other's hands and close your eyes." "And just feel that connection." "Mr. Anderson." "How are you, Detective?" "This some kind of group prayer thing?" "It's a intimacy exercise." "Intimacy?" "With your eyes closed?" "Seems odd." "It's amazing what the mind can do without the burden of sight." "You should try it sometime." "No, I like to see what I'm getting into." "Speaking of which," "I keep thinking that I'm gonna run into Kyle West here." "You must keep him tucked away." "So we found a body in the foothills outside Lancaster." "Pretty torn up by the coyotes." "We're gonna check dental records, but she's a good match for Sophie Marchuk." "Based on what?" "Height, weight, hair, eye color." "We'll know for certain when the DNA comes back." "The cause of death was blunt force trauma to the head." "Looks like she was dumped there." "That's horrible and disturbing." "Mm-hmm." "Look, I just came by to let you know before it gets all official." "Just in case there's something you want to tell me." "Nothing more than I already have." "You must have other leads." "Oh, yeah, of course." "I'm just covering all the bases." "Oh, by the way, when we checked" "Sophie's cell phone records, her last call was traced to a tower outside Rivas Canyon." "You know anybody that lives out there?" "No." "Hmm." "Talk to you soon." "Lena, let Owen's line breathe at the top of scene nine." "And Owen, if you don't come out hot at the start of the act, we are doomed." "Do a few pushups before you come on." " I do." " Well, do more." "Or less, or whatever works." "Okay?" "That's all I've got." "Get some rest." "I'll see you all tomorrow." "So basically, what I'd like..." "Somebody get this girl a Negroni." "No notes for me?" "You are a complete disaster." "I don't know where to begin." "You okay?" "What's the matter?" "15 more." "That's it." "What are you talking about?" "The number of times I'm going to see you." "Final dress, opening night, 13 performances." "Then I go back to New York." "I feel like my life is ticking down to zero." "It's not your life, Nate." "That kiss shouldn't have happened." "Bullshit." "That kiss was inconvenient, just like you walking in here and turning my world upside down was inconvenient, but it damn well should have happened." "We're working together, okay?" "We've... we've got a great artistic bond, and..." " Leave Kyle." " What?" "!" "Leave Kyle." "Come back with me to New York when this is all over." "We go up in two days!" "I know!" "Megan, it's all so inconvenient..." "I-I'm going home, and we didn't have this conversation." "What the hell are you doing?" "I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have said anything." "I should have had some impulse control." "Please don't be angry." "It's fine, Nate." "Just go home." "You need to sleep." "Can you give me a ride?" "If I have to talk politics with another Uber driver," "I'm going to shoot myself." "There's something that I need to say." "That worries me." "We should go to the desert tonight." "Jesus, no." "No!" " We shouldn't!" "What..." " Yes, we should." "We should go right now." "Keep driving." "It's a chance for us to spend one night together." "Nobody else, no distractions." "We can be back in time for rehearsals tomorrow." "Oh, my God, I'm going to let you out of the car" " if you don't stop." " It's one night, Megan." "To see." "We owe that to each other." "You owe it to yourself, because I refuse to believe that Kyle can give you what I can." "You have lost your mind, and you need to get the hell out of..." " Are you okay?" " Holy shit!" "So you didn't get a license plate?" "Who gets a license plate?" "I know I saw the same BMW the night of the bonfire." "It was following me." "Why didn't you tell me about that?" "Because!" "I hoped it was nothing, but it's not." "And I need you to tell me, Kyle." "Tell you what?" " Is Terence having me followed?" " Are you serious?" "Do you believe that this is happening to me?" " Yes, I..." " Then who in my life besides Terence would do this?" "If Terence was having you followed, I would know about it." "Are you 100% sure about that?" "Do you think there's value in what we do here?" "Empowering people to change their lives?" "Trying to make the world a better place?" "Of course." "The work here is everything." "Then I just don't understand how I failed you so badly." "You never failed me." "Sophie Marchuk never made it to the facility." "The LAPD just found her body in Lancaster." "All those status reports you've been giving me over the last few weeks... all lies." "Now all we have..." "everything we have to offer, is at risk." "So tell me." "Tell me what I missed." "It's... it's not your fault." "I couldn't make myself tell you." "I tried." "Well, you and me have to fix this." "And sacrifices have to be made." "He just tell you?" "I don't want to hear anything about security protocol, okay?" "You don't get close enough to rear-end somebody unless you're looking for something." "The whole back end of the car was bashed in." "What were you doing?" "It's got to stop, Terence." "Right now." "I don't care what you think Megan is doing or gonna do." "Let it go, all right?" "I need to be there for Megan in this relationship, and I can't do that if you keep trying to protect me from her." "I'm trying to protect everybody." "And I'm gonna do what I have to do." "Kyle?" "What's up?" "Um, you have a visitor." "Hi." "I got tired of playing phone tag." "And this place looks... stunning." "Did Megan have something to do with this?" "All me." "We don't live together yet." "Oh, you taking it slow?" "You're smiling." "First time I've been in a house with you you didn't try to redecorate in your head." "Well, don't worry." "I've..." "I've got plenty of ideas." "You want to hear 'em?" "I want to hear that you're okay." "Mmm, you heard the rumors." "That's why they're called rumors." "My business manager botched a bunch of investments." "I fired her." "And got a part in Daniel Craig's next movie an hour later." "I'll be fine." "I came to explain about the radio interview." "You don't have to." "The press is eating it up." "I meant every word." "I love you." "I always will." "You left." "I wish I hadn't." "I think about that every day." "Regret doesn't change anything." "You left." "We can't go back." "Well, I hope she makes you... wildly happy." "A bit of advice?" "If you want your relationship to work," "I would stay as far away from Terence and the Institute as possible." " Let's not go there." " And if... you don't want your relationship to work..." "I'll be staying at the Parker until I go to Europe." "I met her at the Institute and fell in love." "For months I didn't have the guts to say anything." "Then finally I told her how I felt." "I said I was, uh, flying to Belize and that I wanted to take her with me." "She agreed." "Connor, you're not done." "When we were alone on the flight, she changed her mind." "Said that she wanted to get off the plane." "I didn't want her to." "She started fighting me, and... that's when I snapped." "And then?" "I'm sorry, ah..." "I can't tell the police." "You can." "When you take responsibility for what you've done, you preserve IHM for everyone." "The truth is... much worse." "Connor, this is how you get back to your better self." "I know how much you want this to be different, Terence." "I do." "But I don't have a better self." "_" "I hear that you have a birthday coming up." "So I brought you a little something." "Well, it's not for three weeks, but yeah, we can get started." "I mean, you only turn 30 once." "That's right." " Thanks, thanks." " There you are." "Oh, my God." " What?" " Look at that." "Is it an "AWOL" onesie?" "I know you're probably thinking this is a shameless promotion, but this is actually an amazingly versatile garment." "Uh, you know, I brought some pictures." " Oh..." " Me and Larry hanging out." "Doing my Obi Wan in my trailer." " Oh, it's very cute." " You know what?" " It makes me happy." " Yeah." "That's the best one." "You are so charming." "Like I said, versatile." "Yeah." "Isn't he so charming?" "Great." "Okay, well, now I know what I'm wearing to the Ivy tonight." "Uh, let's talk about you, and by you," "I mean your ex." "All of a sudden, she's trying to get you back." "Uh, I wouldn't say that." "Oh, come on, Kyle." "She basically proposed to you on the radio." "You know, I think Lisbeth is just acknowledging the fact that we were a big part of each other's lives." "And we'll always care about each other." "Uh, but I have someone new in my life now, and she's very special." "Megan Morrison." "How'd she feel about Lisbeth's confession?" "You know, Megan would be the first person to say that being a part of a relationship, you have to accept the fact that whoever you're with has a past." "She needs to get to the question about directing, or I will pull him from the bit." " That is a promise." " Okay." "She is the most grounded person I've ever met..." "Gwen, we need you to move on..." " She's my present and my future." " to the question about directing." "Aww." "That is so sweet." "Um, and speaking of your future," "I understand you're gonna be doing a little directing?" "That's right, yes." "Uh, I can't really go into specifics, but, um, we have a project in place" " that I'm very passionate about." " _" "You know, I've spent so many years in front of the camera, so I'm..." "I'm excited to..." " to get behind it..." " _ kind of have more of a creative voice in the storytelling process." " That's so great." " Yeah." "Okay, now, I don't know if you're aware, we have a crackerjack research staff here on the show, and they discovered something very interesting" " about your childhood." " _" " Um, you had a hobby." " _" " Okay..." " And, uh, apparently..." "You were quite the roller-skater in your youth." "Uh, I skated a little bit." "Uh-huh." "You think you remember how?" "I don't know." "I..." "I can try." "But, uh, you're gonna have to do it with me." " No." " Yeah." "Oh, my God." " Look at that." " _" " Okay." " _" " Okay." " Oh, God, here we go." "Ahh, we really gonna do this?" " Yeah, sure." " Watch your boyfriend kill it." " Okay." "Here we go." " Okay." "Let's get a little momentum going." " No... whoa." " There we go." " Whoa!" "Ahh!" "Ahh!" " Oh, oh." "All right, I got you." "I got you." "Look at that." "You're a pro." "Ahh!" "Okay." " No, I'm good." " Got it?" "Yeah, I'm really good." "Thank you." "You do something." "All right, all right." "We'll see what I got on these old things, huh?" " He's doing great." " I'll try a jump." "I'll try a jump." "We'll see if I still got it." "This might be risky, but here we go." " Whoo!" " Whoa!" "Wow!" "You are so good!" "All right, what do you say?" "You got a little competition for me?" " That's great." " Yes, I do, yeah." " Come on out, guys." " Uh-oh, "guys"..." "Yeah, it takes a couple guys." "Ah!" "I like this." "I like this." "I remember this." "All right, limbo." "We'll see how low we can go, guys." "Go a little bit lower." " Oh, wow." " All right, for this..." "Come on, audience." "Think I can get there?" "Go ahead." "All right." "Oh, it's so low." "Wow." "I don't know why I'm so surprised." "Makes me wonder what other hidden talents you have." "Well, I skated a lot as a kid." "But back then..." "I don't know, I used it to escape." "Escape from what?" "Your shit at home?" "Yeah." "Yeah, so the two things have always been connected." "It just felt so great to do it when... when things are going so well in my life." "Oh, I talked to Terence." "He, uh, had a security detail follow you." "Security?" "Why?" " It was just for your protection." " Oh." "But it's not happening anymore." "Really?" "I don't want you thinking about anything except the play right now." "That's all that matters." "You're right." " Thank you." " Yeah." "So you're gonna pick me up from rehearsal?" "Nope... no, uh, Zach's bringing your car to the theater." " It's fixed already?" " Good as new." "I don't see my car." "You sure?" "There it is." "That's not m..." "Wait, what?" "La-di-dah-di." "It's all yours." "You got me a Maserati?" "You've wanted one since you were a kid, right?" "Well, I mean, yeah, but..." "You need a dependable car." "This is not a "dependable car," okay?" "This is a sexy beast!" " This feels really weird." " Why?" "I don't know, 'cause this isn't a box of chocolates, Kyle." "This is a huge gift!" "Megan, I can afford, like, 100 of these." "Go, touch it." "You're not gonna break it." "Okay." "Oh, my God." "What?" " Oh, hey, man." " Hey." "Oh, hey, I..." "I don't think you guys actually met." "Um, Nate, this is Kyle." "Great to meet you, brother." "I can't wait to see the play." "This yours?" "Yeah, uh..." "Tells me a lot." "Every time I close a big case," "I treat myself to a nice, Kansas City ribeye." "Got to indulge while you can." " You're eating a burger." " Mm." "You're very astute." "You know, at a quick glance, this all looks pretty clean." "Your man killed himself." "We'll probably find his DNA on Sophie's body." "There's probably a romantic link there somewhere." "Kinda ties up nicely." "But if you dig a little deeper, you start to ask questions about the "whys" of it all." "And that's a rabbit hole." "There's nothing else to find beyond those two." "Come on, Mr. Anderson." "I'm sure I can find something." "Or maybe not." "Maybe there's nothing there, and you won't go to jail." "But you still have to deal with the perception of it." "Murder-suicide at the Institute of the Higher Mind, ongoing investigation... visualize the press running with that." "Oh, and close your eyes if it helps." "How much do you want?" "A whole lot." "But it's not money I'm after." "Thank you." "Well, I thought you came over to apologize, but I'm starting to feel that's not what this is." "No." "No, there's a... there's a situation with the Institute." "Uh, with me." "We're in some trouble." "Jeez, man, what's going on?" "I've never seen you like this." "There's a detective with LAPD... a woman." "Outside my influence." "She, um... she has something on us." ""Us," the Institute?" "Do I want to know what it is?" "I think you're better off not knowing the details, but, uh, she can either ruin us with it, or she can make it go away." "Okay, what can I do?" "I want to help." "What are you so scared of, man?" "Look, Kyle, your-your well-being is incredibly important to me." "I know that." "I mean, does she have something on me?" "She has a... she has a fantasy." "It's specific." "It specifically involves you." "Sex?" "She... she wants two hours." "Nothing kinky, just..." "You kidding me?" "I know, it's awful." "I..." "You don't know shit." "Look, I can't bear that I came to you with this, man." "You've got to know that." "I'm in love with Megan." "It is healthy." "No!" "There's got to be another way." "Pay her off!" "Everybody's got a price." "Give her as much as she wants." "If there was another way, I would've taken it." "She doesn't care about money." "This... this is what she wants." "Look, Kyle, you're not fragile anymore." "You're incredibly strong." "You can absorb this." "I'm not going to." "It's not happening." "I don't think you understand, bud." "This is real." "I need you." "I need you to think of me." "I need you to think of IHM and everything we've done for you over the years... everything we have fixed for you." "Oh, don't pull that shit." "I cannot do what you're asking me to do." "I won't." "Kyle, I'm not asking." "If there's one thing in this world I care more about than you, it's the Institute." "Don't ask me to choose." "I made you and I love you, but I will end you in a heartbeat if I have to." " Hello?" " Hey." "Oh shit, it actually works." "Hands-free, baby." "In the Maserati." "Well, I'm glad you called, because I have spent the day doing a full analysis on my life in general, and I've come to the conclusion that you are amazing, and I am so lucky to have you" "and to love you... and it has nothing to do with the car, even though the car is, like, completely insane." "But it's that you are kind, and pure, and you actually think about people other than yourself." "And I can't wait for you to come to the play tonight." "Anyway, how was your day?" "Good." "Yeah, good." "Uh, just wanted to call and say break a leg." " I love you." " I love you, too." "Thanks for coming in." "Best to have these things handled in person." "I wasn't aware that anything needed to be handled." "I thought we were having lunch." "Well, legal informed me that our option is up" " on "The Resistance."" " So extend it." "Well, the assumption was that it would be pro forma." "But either the guy's widow or her asshole lawyer is being uncooperative." "I don't buy it." "They're shopping it around." "We're looking into that." "But I haven't heard anything, and to be honest," "I'm not that inclined to push for another" "World War II biopic." "Are you kidding me?" "Look, we'll find something else for Kyle." "You know what'd be great?" "Have him sit down with a couple of our writers." "Adam, he's wanted to do "The Resistance"" "since before his deal went through." "He's gonna lose his mind." "You can't just turn your back on this." "I'm not turning my back." "The deal fell apart." "That's the business, which I'm sure you'll explain to him." "Oh, right because you blew the rights deal, and you have no idea who's talking to the wife or what she even wants, and you are too chicken shit to deal with Kyle, who you just boned... again." " Excuse me?" " But it's okay, Adam." "I will handle it." "Just I like I handle everything else." "Wasn't sure I'd see you again." "My entire day is spent... trying to keep everything exactly as it should be." "I'm exhausted, and I don't want to think anymore." "So..." "I am going to lie down on your bed, and then I'm going to let you do whatever you want." "That works for me." "I'm good." "Wow." "You're beautiful." "You're one to talk." "Come in." "♪ Po-po-po-po-po-po ♪" "♪ Po-po-po-po-po-po ♪" "That would be, like, 12 years." "I can't calm down." "I drank a Red Bull earlier, and I'm going insane." "You drank a Red Bull?" "Don't jinx it." "I'm very nervous." " Is your girlfriend coming?" " It's gonna be fine." "I got to loosen this tie up a little bit." "Is she coming or not?" "Is she coming?" "Usually I take a shower." "But I like the way your sweat smells on me." "I'm gonna drive around with it as long as it lasts." "You are quite the performer, as advertised." "You can tell your Mr. Anderson the case is closed and the files are put away." "Hmm." "Anything you want to talk about?" "No, just been a rough day." "I know why you're beating yourself up and you shouldn't." "Connor never was the picture of stability." "What he did wasn't your fault." "You say that I deserve to live, but you don't get to decide and I don't know who or what decides." "And I've given it up trying to figure it out." "I'm here, and those kids are not." "I'm here, and his sickness will always be in me." "And it's all but just taken me over." "But for you... for you..." "I will hold onto that one piece of clean, pure light that you think I have left." "For you, I will believe that it's in there." "And I will dream about finding it... until I can finally see what you see when you look at me."