"Mr. Drecker, you said it was urgent." "I'm a bridesmaid." "I'm getting measured." "It's important." "How is it so important?" "You look like a Smurf." "Shh." "You're gonna hurt the bride's feelings." "Oh, God." "Oh God." "Oh, shit." "Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit." "This is really bad." "This is really, really bad." "I am being a bad, bad bridesmaid." "Oh, you have to stop." "Do not stop." "But you have to." "Oh, God." "Oh, Mr. Breaker, I have duties." "Yeah?" "Yeah, me too." " You all right?" " Oh, yeah." "Oh, I'm hanging in there." "Um..." "I don't have my checkbook on me." " Oh, it's on the house." " Mm." "Yes, well, there's just..." "There's..." "Fuck!" "Shit!" "Fuck." "Ow." "Mom, can I call you back?" "Are you Tanya Skeegel?" "It's "Skagle." It's Skagle." "I don't know where you got "Skeegel."" "Yeah, I'm looking for a Charles St. John." "Are you aware he's violated bail?" "You..." "You mean Charlie?" "Guys, come on." "We're out of here." " Excuse me." "Hey, let's get out of here." " Come on." " All right." "Hold on." "No, no, wait a second." "Wait, wait, wait." " You're Missy, right?" "You're Missy." " Yeah, I'm Missy." "Hi, I'm Tanya." "I think we met before." "I'm a friend of Charlie's." "He's been staying at my house..." " ...under house arrest." " I had nachos." "Oh, that's great." " They're nice kids." " Where did he go?" "I don't know." "Do you know?" " Who are you looking for?" " Charlie, Missy." "I'm looking for Charlie, and I thought maybe that you could help me with that... if you wanted." "Here's my number... and here's two Hamiltons, okay?" "And here's a Washington to sweeten the deal." "And there's more if you find him." "God, Ray, I gotta tell you something." "When I got Charlie out of jail, I had to put up some money." " You gave that guy money?" " No, I didn't give it to him." "Sandee, do you mind?" "I didn't give him money." "I put money up for him." "Okay, because he has an alarm on his ankle." "Yeah." "No, Ray, it's not a big deal." "I posted his bail, but ifs just a precaution." "It's like when you put your credit card down... for the minibar in a hotel room." "And it's fine." "He'll be back in a few days." " He's gone?" " He's not gone." "He's coming back." "His stuff is still at my house." "Okay, he's coming back." "So, what are you telling me for?" "Excuse me, is this the orgasmic living class?" "Mm." "No words." "Okay, you know what?" "Never mind." "I'm just gonna go in, and thanks for your help." "You guys, she's here." " Who?" " Lenore." "She's here." "Did you see who's out there?" "Yes, it was so weird." "It was like she didn't recognize me." " Should we hide?" " Ray..." "I can't deal with her today." "I can't deal with that fucking cunt today." "Relax, Tanya." "You too, Sandee." "It's just Lenore, okay?" "Just..." "Nobody's hiding from anybody." "There's a catalog called Good Vibrations." "Excellent." "I watched a demo on YouTube..." " ...and there's this golden vibrating bullet" " Can I talk to you?" "One second." "You wear it actually around your neck like it's a necklace." "But really, then later on, you just take it off and tsk." "And it goes." "I didn't know you worked here." "You look so good." "Look, lady, I didn't appreciate that little Kyla stunt." "That was fucked up." "Get it straight:" "We're not working together anymore." "Ever." "Okay?" "So get some new friends... and get lost." "Go on." "Actually, Ray, I have lots of new friends." "In fact, one of them is here right now." "I'm so glad to see her." "Jessica." "I'm so glad you made it." "So good to see you." "What?" " You gotta cancel." "We can't cancel." "I can't cancel the class, Ray." "Jessica is out there." "Lenore must've brought her to class." " Who's Jessica?" " My ex-wife." " I can't..." "I can't..." "She can't see me." " No, no." "Uh..." "I'm on it." "I'm on it." "I'm on it." "Uh..." "Okay." "Okay." "God." "Ahem." "Uh..." "Ladies, I am so happy to see all of you here." "'Welcome..." "Welcome to Orgasmic Living." "I think I met her." "I think she's Ray's friend." " Your ex-husband Ray?" " Ahem." "We're gonna start the class today with a creative visualization." "Okay, you're gonna close your eyes." "Close your eyes." "That's right." "Okay." "So imagine that you're in a place where you're completely comfortable." "For me what works is I'm ﬂoating down a river." "All right?" "A lazy river." "And the river is whoosh, whoosh." "River." "I like to imagine that I'm on an inner tube and I'm ﬂoating... down a lazy old river, and I'm just ﬂoating on this lazy river." "Floating, ﬂoating." " I'm calling the cops." " What's the problem?" " I thought you'd appreciate a new client." " You know that Ray can't be here if she is." " You're choking the business." " T-Brain, this is war... and Jessica's my H-bomb." "You stole my ideas for this wellness center." " And you know it." " The wellness center is my idea." " Blah, blah, blah." "What do you want?" " I want Jason back... and I wanna teach the class." "I'd be better at it." "Women are more instinctually drawn to me." "My God, you're crazy." "The wellness center's mine." "Until you give me what I want, Tanya..." "I'm gonna keep coming back to your lectures with Jessica... like it's my fucking job." "And I'm gonna be your own personal tapeworm, living up your ass... and you won't be able to shake me until you self-destruct and die." "Well, Ray, what am I supposed to do?" "You know, Lenore's holding us hostage." "She's using Jessica as a human shield." "Okay, say the class is full." "I can't, Ray." "The class is obviously not full." "I tried that." "There's a lot of chairs." "Lenore is..." "She's got an agenda." "She's like..." "She's like a weed." "Okay, well, you rip weeds out of the garden, Tanya." "Sometimes the roots of the weed are wrapped around the roots of the ﬂower." "And if you rip out the weed, you rip out the flower and it's dead." "Then you have a dead flower that knows you're a male prostitute." "Enough with the fricking metaphors, okay?" "It's not that hard." "Just get..." "Get her out." "All right, I will." "I'm doing it." "I will do it." "It seems a shame, though." " What does?" " Jessica." "She seemed to really be embracing the material." " Are you kidding me?" " No." "I get the feeling that she's always only thought of herself... as sort of a commodity, in a sense." "I'm just saying I think her sense of self, her identity... is very wrapped up in what men think of her, in what you think of her." "What, did she say something?" "It's not big." "I'm just gonna say it. it's small." "Jessica can speak to that." " What?" "Penis size." "Am I right?" "You can speak to that." "I'm not-I'm not really comfortable talking in public." "And you know what?" "You don't have to share." "You don't, if you don'!" "want to." "Okay, okay, it's okay." "My ex-husband... um, he had a... very large......" "For sure." "You could say that it... didn't always do the trick." "If that makes you feel any better." "Ha-ha." " What did she mean "the trick"?" " What do you think she means?" "Are you saying she faked it with me?" "Ray, come on." "Everybody fakes it once in a while." " Do you?" " Well, no, I never fake it." " Neither does Jessica." " Oh." "All right?" "I did the trick." " I did the trick a lot." " Okay, would you not be so reductionist?" "You know, it's very common." "A lot of women... don't have orgasms." "They don't come." "It's not because they don't like sex... or the guy is doing something wrong." "Listen, I've been batting a thousand in that department." "You've had a lot more practice." "You're a better lover now." "I was a great lover then too." "I can't just fire her, Mindy." "She could S-U-E." "She seduced you." "You said she invited you to a musical." " Dr. Kopylov's office." " That's not how it works." "The boss is always the aggressor." "Should have kept your dick in your scrubs." "Oh, really?" "You wanna go there?" "What about keeping your hands to yourself?" "I have six female employees here, okay?" "They're gonna gang up against me." "Women have a mob mentality." "Well then fire her for being a bad employee." "Come in." "Dr. Kopylov, the lab called." "They have Mr. Gummer's results." "They need you to call immediately." "Thanks." "But I can't say, like, never ever." "What?" " Not never ever, you know?" "Sometimes it..." "It does come in handy." "It comes in handy?" " Like with me?" " Like with all guys." "You know, sometimes you just- You get bored... or they seem like they really need it and whatever, it just makes it easier." "Can you get me the oil over there?" "Mr. Drecker, that's canola oil." "Like when, with me?" "Like, um..." "Like that time in the Mustang." "Which...?" "Which time?" "In the Mustang?" "Come on." "You..." "You were into that." "But it was kind of cold and I had already come once so, you know..." " But the other times?" " Yes, the other times I came." "Yeah, you did." "The trick." "Twenty years of marriage and you find out she was faking it." "Why apologize?" "Let Tanya apologize." "You don't owe her anything." "Well, she discovered me and she gave me a career." "No, she gave you a shitty TV and then she broke it." "I, Sandee, got you this gig." "I don't know, okay?" "Lenore is gonna be so mad at me." "Who cares?" "Oh, fuck it." "We are in the power position." "Tanya and Lenore, they are fighting over you." "I don't feel that powerful." "Well, you should." "And you should have a hand in the business." " Ray was here first." " So take him out." "What?" "How?" " Screw his wife." " Do what?" "Jason, did you see how scared he was?" "If you screw his wife... it would be like a psychological, nuclear, kamikaze knockout." "Pow." "Jessica, alone with my pimp... in a classroom with a giant vagina lamp in it." "It wasn't "if" something would go wrong." "It was just "what" and "when. "" "You wanted to see me?" "Jessica, here's the thing." "Um, I love having you in my class..." " ...but the thing is..." " I love being here too." "Hey, can I ask you something about the reading?" "You did..." "You did the reading?" "Yes." "Oh, when lr..." " Iri..." "How do you pronounce it?" " Irigaray." "Irigaray." "When she says:" "Um..." ""In the form of ambivalences that have to be hierarchized in twinned pairs."" " Uh-huh." " I'm sorry, what is she talking about?" "I think what she's talking about is there's a male... or phallocentric way of looking at the world and..." "You know, like black or white... or man-woman or virgin-whore." "But women are not this one thing." "Women are more complicated." "Um..." "You, Jessica, you are not one." " What?" " Heh." "That's just..." "I have never met anyone like you." "Ha-ha." "But it is so odd that you and Ray are friends." "What do you talk about?" " Do you talk about this?" " With Ray?" "No." "No, Ray thinks this is all a lot of baloney." "Oh, it's not baloney." "It's fascinating." "I find it... and you... to be really inspirational." " You think so?" " You are so out there." "Liberated." "Listen, you don't tell Ray what we talk about in class, right?" "Ray?" "Oh." "No." "God, of course not." "I would love to read..." "Have I written a poem?" " ...whatever you want." "I don't even understand poems." "Look, I just was..." "My head exploded... when you came in and said that you had even done the reading." " Oh." " Can I...'?" " Thank you." "Thanks so much, really." " Thank you." " Happiness." " Reading." "Bye, Jess." "Wow." " Hey!" " She's gonna see you." "Just get in the car." "Get in the car." "Get down." " Thanks again." "Bye-bye." "Bye, Jess." " Hey!" "What'd she say?" " God, Ray." "Was she upset?" "Did she talk about me?" " I couldn't do it." " What do you mean you couldn't do it?" "She's still in the class?" "Look, I tried, Ray." "I tried very hard, okay?" "She's..." "She needs the class." "She's..." "She's really..." "She sees me as a confidant." " She's starting to really open up." " She's starting to open..." "Come on." "You and I both know the class is a bunch of hooey... so that you can get clients for me to screw." "Not at all, Ray." "Not entirely." "It's revolutionary, what we're doing." "All right?" "It's helping women." "And I am..." "I'm uniquely qualified to talk to women about sexuality." "Why, because you come a lot?" "That makes you an expert?" "That wasn't my point, but actually, yes." "A lot of women would love to come like I come." "All right, listen, I've been thinking, okay?" "This whole thing is a bad idea." "All right?" "This Jason guy is lurking around there... and you gotta talk to her, okay?" "You gotta tell her." "I mean..." "You know, I'm..." "I've learned a lot about making women happy and I think that..." " You could what?" " You know." "Just talk to her, will you?" "You want me to advise Jessica to have sex with you?" "Ray, I'm not doing it." "I'm great at fucking, Tanya." "Just ask all those women." "Okay, all right, so you give her an orgasm." "Then what?" " I don't know." " Yeah." " Tanya, I don't knew." " I'm not doing it, Ray." "I'm just not." "God, go home and get some rest." "Fuck." "Stupid." "Hi." "Uh..." "Little Charlie and Desean, right?" " Yeah." " Ls your mom around?" "No." "She said she'd pick us up tomorrow." "Okay." "Um..." " How'd you guys get in?" " Mommy had a key." " Right." " You got any Cheetos or anything?" "Hi." " How are you?" " I'm great, Jake." "How are you?" "I feel bad." "Awful about, uh..." "You know..." "Apology not accepted." "Oh, hi." " Hi." " I'm Jake." "Hey. so I'm one of the private consultants here... and I would really love to work with you at some point." "What does that mean exactly, "work with me"?" "It's..." " it's complex." " Hmm." "Why don't we meet and I'll tell you more about it." "No charge." "I'm gonna sweat." "I'm gonna sweat in this $3000 suit." "Oh." "She's gonna look up there and say:" ""Who the hell is this sweaty, broke guy I'm marrying?" Ha-ha-ha." "Any day now, she's gonna wake up and hate me." "Maybe." " Huh'?" "Maybe she will, Mike." "It's impossible to tell." "Ray, are you okay?" "Maybe you think she's having a great time in bed... yelling her head off... and then you find out she's been faking it, for years." "Or maybe she's really satisfied, right?" "Maybe she's got a thing for doctors, maybe she doesn't." "Who knows?" "There's no way to see it coming, Mike." "It might all turn to shit... but maybe not." "You know, maybe, uh..." "Maybe you'll live happily ever after." "Oh." "Hold on a second." "Be right back." " Excuse me." " Thanks, Ray." "Hello." "Ray, I know we don't see eye to eye on this." "I'm telling you now so that you don't get upset with me later." "Tell me what?" "Jessica has signed up for the practicum." "I just found out." "Ray, you there?" "Ray, look, I don't necessarily think it's such a bad thing." " When?" " What?" "When is she having the practicum?" " I don't know." " When is it?" "It's tonight." "Sometimes you should do the right thing: face the facts and accept them." "Sometimes life isn't what you want it to be." "You just gotta shut up and take it." "This was not one of those times." "Sometimes you've just gotta fuck things up royally and not even care." " Hey." "Ray" " Hey." "Are you okay?" " Ray." "Sometimes that's all you've got."