"So the five keys to investing wisely ... in a down real estate market are:" ""Keyp" your cool." "Mm-hmm." ""Keyp" informed." "Legwork." "I recently became a partner in a new agency, so I put together a seminar to recruit first-time home buyers." "I want to give 'em a step-by-step description ... of exactly what I can do for them." "Am I worried that they might write it all down and just do it themselves?" "Quite frankly, I hadn't thought about it until just now." " Do I really have to go to this thing?" " Yes." "You're a big part of today." "You're my support staff." "Then why am I not getting paid?" "Mmm!" "That is a good question, and I think I'm gonna text you the answer on that cell phone we pay for." " again?" " Uh, no." "It's just one question." "I think I got it." "Yeah, but it's the most important question ... because it launches me into my big finish." "Yes." "That way, people leave excited." "Oh, I think people will be excited to leave." "Luke, why?" "I'm sorry." "It's for school." "I have to design a container ... that'll protect an egg in a one-story drop." "Yeah, so, um, you thought you would go with an egg carton?" "What if the best idea was under my nose the whole time?" "You're gonna need to come down and clean this up now." "I wouldn't have to do any of this ... if Alex would just let me use hers from when she took the class." "Never." "That design is my intellectual property." "I think it has applications for unmanned space flight." "Keep talking like that and you'll go through life unmanned." "Funny." "Girls." "Luke, honey, listen to me." "You're gonna need to do this project on your own, and you can do it." " Just really think." " I've got it." "What if I'm the container?" "There's a thought." "You could be" "No, Luke!" "Luke!" "# Hey, hey #" "# Hey, hey #" "# Hey, hey #" "# Hey, hey #" "# Hey ##" "Okay." "Mwah, mwah, mwah!" "I understood "crazy old witch, go kill yourself," then "I love you."" "I'll never get this- how you all yell at each other." "Ay." "That's how you know that your family loves you- when they feel free to scream at you." "I guess I owe my ex-wife an apology." "Apparently she was nuts about me." "Darn it!" "Try the next one over a frying pan." "I could use some breakfast." "This is so frustrating." "At least you're getting your hands dirty for a change." "It is a nice break from the life of the mind I usually live." "That's the spirit." "Plus, it's a metaphor for the human condition." "Aren't we all just fragile eggs hiding behind bubble wrap and bravado?" "And we're back." "I'm sure that your egg-droppy thing is going to be the best in the class." "Uh, except for Luke's." "Really?" "Our Luke?" "But isn't he like a little" "I bet Claire's gonna help him, just like she did with his self-portrait for art class." "There was life in those eyes." "It was haunting." "Tell you what." "I'm gonna nip this in the bud." "You deserve a fighting chance." "Hey, I'm callin' about that egg project the boys are doing." "Parents aren 't supposed to help out on that, right?" "Why would the parents be helping?" "Why do they cut grapes for eight-year-olds ?" "I figure if you can eat a chicken finger, you can tear your way through a grape." "Again, Dad?" "Aw, I'm sorry." "It just bugs me, is all." "The point is, I'm not helping, and I hope no one else is helping either." "Okay, Dad." "Thanks for the heads-up." "Love ya." "Bye-bye" "Well, my Dad is doing Manny's project for him." "He called to tell you that?" "Oh, no." "He called to tell me that he wasn't, which is exactly what you say when you are ... but you don't want anybody to suspect it." "Really?" "Mm-hmm." "What would you say if you had issues with your father?" "Claire and Jay are incredibly competitive." "Tennis games, card games, everything." "Who knows why?" "Claire is the son that my dad never had." "I mean, he just wanted someone who'd throw a ball in the backyard." "I did once, but he did not attend." "Looks like fun." "It was, but now it's hard." "Oh, I'm sure you're gonna do great, buddy." "Claire." "I am just showing interest in our son's project, which any parent would think- think- to do." "Thinking, I am, that maybe I should stay here, in case Luke has any questions." "Do you think you can find somebody else to help you with your seminar?" "I don't know." "it's a little last-minute." "You're kinda irreplaceable." "Well, I mean, it's just one question, and the seminar isn't for two hours" "Shh, shh, shh." "Hey, Gloria." "Quick favor." "Okay." "See you later." "Bye-bye." " What was that?" " Phil." "He needs help with a seminar that he's giving." "Why can't Claire help him?" "He didn't say." "I'll tell you why." "Because she's knee-deep in Luke's egg-drop project." "She said that she was not going to help." "That's exactly what I would say to me ... if I was helping my kid and didn't want me to know." "Why would you be talking to you?" "I'm just saying it's unfair to Manny." "The kid doesn't stand a chance on his own." "I'm tagging in here." "Jay, he doesn't need you to baby him." "I'm just gonna give him a few tips." "Kid, get yourself a snack." "Okay." "I'll cut him some grapes." "Damn it!" "Not like that, Jay." "Like this." "Look." "It just irritates me." "You know what I mean?" "We're meeting with prospective birth mothers." "We've had a few of these meetings, and they're very nerve-racking." "You wanna look good, you wanna make a good first impression." "Kind of like a first date." "Actually, it's-ifs the opposite of a first date." "You don't want to have sex, but you do want a baby." "I have to say, Lily is adorable and such a good eater." "Not all the time." "She just happens to love my tuna salad." "Dolphin-safe, of course." "Oh, who cares about that?" "Well, I bet the dolphins do." "It's okay to eat tuna, but not dolphin'?" "My theory is, a fish is a fish." "Mmm." "Mm-hmm." "Well, a dolphin's actually a mammal." "Tomato, tomahto." "More like tomato, cow." "Can you help me with the scones in the kitchen?" "Okay." "Excuse us." "Okay, this is not really about the scones." "Oh, really?" "You didn't need help carrying six scones?" "No." "This is about your need to correct everyone's every little mistake." "I'm sorry." "I thought that she could use a basic biology lesson." "Well, let me give you a basic biology lesson." "You and I can't make a baby." "So if she points to a lamp and calls it Uncle George, what are you gonna say?" ""Pleased to meet you, Uncle George."" "Very good." "Now let's get out there, smile, nod ... and get ourselves a baby." "Okay." "... and those are your five keys." "Now, if there are no more questions" " Ah, yes." "The lovely home buyer right here on the edge of her seat." "I was wondering" "I was wondering, is there a sixth key?" "As a matter of fact, there is." "We'll work on that." "It's the key to the new home you purchased below market, thanks to Woosnum, Keneally and Dunphy." "Bravo." "Fire the confetti cannon, drop the banner, autographs, autographs, autographs, and we're done." "We still have like an hour left." "Can I go shopping?" "No." "I have vocal exercises to do, and I need you to do a sound check for me." "Ay, I was hoping we could go to my hair salon. it's nearby." "I didn't have time to finish my hair this morning." "Really?" "That just happens?" "Ooh, and I can get my nails done." "Is it okay?" "Okay, sure." "Oh, oh!" "Could one of you guys stick this under a chair on your way out?" "One of the lucky attendees is going home with a brand-new mouse pad." "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "I don't want to see which chair." "I want to be blown away, like everyone else." "Yes." "Now, that is feng shui." "Doesn't that feel better?" "Oh, yes." "It's wonderful for conversation." "Yes, this is nice." "It gives the room a nice flow, which I'm really liking." "Sometimes your furniture tells you where it wants to be." "Yeah." "Do you mind if I use your restroom?" "Not at all." "It's just down the hall." "Just be warned, there's some furniture in there that kind of likes where it is." "I know it's killing you to do this whole song and dance, but I think it's going great." "Cam, there's a limit." "Okay?" "We already promised her that we would show her son all 52 states." "Oh, wow, you have a keyboard." "Oh, yes, that's mine." "You're musical." "I love that." "It's very important to me." "Oh, well, you're preaching to the choir- literally." "I've sung in several." "Yeah, we sing to Lily all the time." "I wish I could hear you guys." "Oh, well, that's very sweet." "No, now." "The baby's father is a musician, and I would love to know that he's growing up in a musical household." "Okay." "Great!" "Okay, now we're actually doing a song and dance." "Okay, look at it this way." "We're not only adopting a baby, we're saving it from a life spent searching for East Dakota." "Oh, God." "This is actually nice." "This is actually very nice to lean on." "It broke again." "Mmm." "Yes, I saw." "You just need to double up on the cotton." "Here, let me save you a step." "Alex!" "Knock, knock!" "Dad!" "Hey, what are you doing here?" "Manny needs that soldering iron I lent to Phil." "One of the screws on his project keeps coming loose." "But other than that, it's flawless." "Huh." "His latest test run- he dropped it off the roof." "He walked downstairs." "It hadn't landed yet." "I had nothin'." "I had to get in Claire's head." "Sometimes the best thing to do in a race to the top ... is grease the pole behind you." "Wow." "So Manny's still working." "Luke finished a couple hours ago." "Is that why all these eggs are on the floor?" "Oh." "You know, after so many landed safely, we thought we should test 'em, make sure we weren't working with a super-strong batch." "Sounds like he knocked it out of the park." "Oh, yeah, definitely." "We did." "Um, so, Dad, if I find out what Phil did with that soldering iron, I'll run it over." "Great, 'cause, uh, we're gonna test it later today at the school." "Fun!" "Maybe we'll meet you." "Oh, we can come at any time, right?" "'Cause we don't have a spring problem." "Around 5:00?" "Perfect." "Okay." "Bear with us." "We're a little rusty." "Yes, and please put all cell phones on vibrate." "# Don't go breaking my heart #" "# I couldn't if I tried #" "# Honey, if I get restless #" "# Baby, you're not that kind 3" "# Ooh-hoo #" "# Nobody knows it #" "# Nobody knows #" "# When I was down #" "# I was your clown #" "I really am a clown." "# Ohhh #" "# I gave you my heart #" "# So don't go breaking my heart #" "# I won't go breaking your heart # #g Don't go breaking my #" "# Don't go breaking my heart #)" "Yeah, yeah." "Thank you." "Thank you." "It was wonderful." "Oh." "I'm confused, though." "I thought Cameron was the singer." "Yeah." "Oh!" "Yes." "Yes, I am." "Really?" "Because Mitchell has such a lovely voice." "Well, I think he was following my lead." "You know, a good leader can make all the difference." "Actually, you were a little pitchy." "But it was terrific, really." "Thank you." "Yes, thank you for your opinion." "Faster!" "Faster!" "We're going to be late to your father." "Why did you have to do your toes too?" "Well, there's this really cute boy at school who's kind of into my feet." "Be careful." "That can get really creepy fast." "Ay." "Where is the car?" "I park it here." "it's a tow zone." "Somebody just put that there, because that wasn't here when I parked!" "It looks pretty old to me." "Haley, don't lie." "That was not here." "Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for one of the giants- of residential real estate." "A salesman's salesman." "Where are you guys?" "I've been calling you." "A Realtor's Realtor." "You were supposed to do my intro." "Now I have to." "Two-time nonconsecutive winner ... of the Realtor of the Year Award" "Just get back here by the end." "Future investors" "Stop making excuses!" "And start ..." "making your dreams come true." "Ladies and gentlemen, Phil Dunphy!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "How are you?" "Thanks, Mike." "I appreciate it." "Welcome." "Taxi!" "You see?" "They don't stop because I'm Latina." "Or because that was just a yellow car." "My dad is gonna freak out." "You have to take the blame for this." "Why me?" "Because he'll never get mad at you." "He totally puts you on a pedestal." "That's not true." "Yeah, it is." "Let me just call the cab company." "Taxi!" "It's not rocket science, people." "it's just a little red card." "Okay." "I guess nobody needs a mouse pad." "How's my favorite kid doing?" "Favorite?" "Yeah, I know we're not supposed to have favorites." "But you know what?" "We do." "And the good news is, it's you." "I'm not giving you my design." "Who said anything about giving?" "We can work out an arrangement." "It's cheating." "What do you want?" "Money?" "I got a little somethin' set aside." "Okay, I shouldn't even be giving you this hint, but first, get a mirror." "A mirror?" "Then you're gonna look in it, and you're gonna see a crazy woman." "She needs your help." "You know," "I made the egg that made you that made that project, so in a lot of ways, that design is already mine!" "You're fine." "Are you sure that there are ..." "no more questions?" "No more questions?" "Yes." "If we could just get that over to the mustachioed gentleman." "Yes, I was" "Oh, hey, I think we're all tired of that sound." "Let me just come to you." "I bet I know what your question is." "You're probably wondering if there's a sixth key." "No, I was wondering about a" " Come here." "I was wondering about accelerated escrow." "If it works for both parties, it's a great way to expedite the deal." "But back to your first question ... about this mysterious sixth key." "I didn't say anything" "The sixth key is the key to the new home ... that you purchased below market, using the simple principles that you learned here today." "But not so simple that you don't still need ... the professional services of Woosnum, Keneally ... and Dunphy." "Thank you for coming." "Son of a" "So is there anything that you'd like to know about us?" "I don't think so." "In fact, I don't think I need to interview any more people." "You guys are perfect." "Are-Are you saying what I think you're saying?" "Well, I'm not supposed to say anything to you directly, but I think you guys should be expecting good news." "Oh, gosh!" "Oh, I know." "I know you're not saying anything, but" "But what you're not saying is wonderful!" "Oh." "All right." "I'm going to get some sparkling cider." "Okay." "Yeah, yeah." "It wouldn't be a celebration without cider ... or a celebratory song." "But this time, I want you to sit right here." "So have a seat here, and let's just get this mop out of the way there." "# If you leave me now #" "# You take away the biggest part of me #" "# Ooh, no #" "# Baby, please don't go #" "# Ooh, no #" "# I just want you to stay #" "Yes, she was upset, but on a positive note, what I take from this experience is, I can sing." "But what we didn't take away from the experience is a baby, because she decided to keep it." "No." "Did we miss everything?" " Yeah." "They cleared out of here pretty fast." " Bummer." "More than a bummer, Haley." "This was really important to me, and you blew it." "Ay, no, Phil." "It was my fault." "It was not her fault." "Okay." "What's done is done." "Can you take the brochures out to the car?" "Wow." "Still full." "Yeah, it is." "Oh." "So it was not very good?" "Um, no." "I kinda need to sweep here." "Okay." "Ay, but I'm so sorry, Phil." "It's okay." "No, it's not okay." "We came late, and we ruined your whole presentation." "These things happen." "Yeah, it happens, and people get angry." "Gloria, it's fine." "No, it's not fine." "I'm trying to have a real conversation, and all you do is put me on a pedestal!" "Wait a minute." "You're mad at me?" "Yes, because that's not how family is supposed to treat each other." "You know how family is supposed to treat each other?" "They're supposed to actually think about each other." "I asked you to do one thing, and you were too selfish and irresponsible ... to come through for me on a day that, believe it or not, was really important to me!" "Oh, my God." "You're crying." "I'm so sorry." "No!" "That's what I want." "You yell at me because you love me!" "Well, you made me mad." "And you should be." "Well, I" " I'm not anymore." "Don't treat me like that, Phil." "Because now I'm furious." "¡Ay, mi familia, Phil!" "How do you do that?" "It makes me so ... mad." "That's a pretty nice piece of handiwork for a 13-year-old." "Luke did pretty good too, for a kid that still needs help gettin' out of his backpack." "Still your grandson." "I felt bad when I said it." "Okay, let's do this." "Watch out, kids!" "They're comin' down." "One, two, three." "How'd we do?" "Both eggs are okay." "Great." "So we both win." "Unacceptable." "We're goin' up another level." "Absolutely." "Come on." "Third floor." "Meet us there, Alex." "Let's go." "Wait." "You don't have to do this." "The assignment was for a one-story drop." "We both get A's." "We're doing this." "I don't like this." "The two of them talking up there" "They're gonna figure out what we did." "We did what we had to." "We're gonna get caught." "Look at them down there." "They're not even paying attention." "This is the best part." "Actually, Manny looks kind of upset." "Why would he be?" "He's about to kick Luke's butt." "Oh, knock it off." "Luke and Manny had as much to do with this project ... as they did with the Manhattan Project." "You think that's what's going on?" "They're upset because we took over for them?" "Maybe." "They were supposed to learn from this, and-and we ruined it." "We should go talk to them." "Yeah." "Boys, we need to talk." "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "Just stay frosty." "So, uh, we realized a couple things up there, and I think apologies are in order." "Okay, we admit it." "We tricked you into doing our projects for us." "What?" "This is the first I'm hearing of this." "We knew you'd do all the work if you thought you were competing with each other." "So I told you I thought Claire was helping Luke, and then you called Claire" "Which got me involved, and" "All right." "Here's what's gonna happen." "You're gonna get in the car, we're gonna drive home ... and you're each gonna do your own projects." "Mm-hmm." "Fine." "Okay." "Hmm." "Hmm." "This is your fault." "What?" "The way we compete with each other, it's sick." "It's so sick, two 13-year-olds know how to take advantage of us." "And you know what?" "You made me this way." "How do you figure that?" "Oh, Dad!" "You pushed me into sports." "You never let me win." "You know, that's a- it does something to a girl." "For your information, you came out of the womb like that." "I'm not entirely sure there wasn't a twin in there you bumped off." "If you saw that in me, why didn't you discourage it?" "Why would I discourage something that I love?" "Really?" "You kidding?" "You're a fighter." "The thing I love about you is that you never give up." "Dad." "Even though I clearly designed a superior egg container." "Out of your mind, old man." "Only one way to find out." "Give up." "You're all just playing for second." "There's somethin' wrong with that one." "I'm not wrong." "Mom can be crazy, right?" "Hello!" "Thank you." "But at the same time, I feel guilty when I get mad at her." "I don't think that's weird." "I'm just really proud of my project, and I didn't want to share it." "Everybody has their own thing." "Thanks, Haley." "I know it might sound dorky, but these late-night conversations really mean a lot to me." "They're the only time that I feel like you and I are" "Okay, Corey, just one picture." "Hold on." "My feet look fat from this angle." "Hey, Alex, wake up." "I need you to take a picture of my feet." "English" " US" " PSDH"