"Yolanda... uh... where is everybody?" "How is Gabi gonna be surprised when there's no one here?" "Where is everybody?" " OTHERS:" "Surprise!" " (screams)" "That was good!" "Damn, Josh, were you this nervous when you threw my surprise party?" "That wasn't a surprise party, that was an intervention." "Oh, yeah, that's right." "Hey, I didn't get a surprise party, either." "How do you know I'm not planning on throwing you one?" "Because my birthday was last week." "Yeah." "That's why I'm plannin' it for next week, throw you off." "But now, since you ruined the surprise, I guess I gotta call everybody" " and cancel it." " Damn it." "Josh, are you sure about this?" "Gabi really doesn't like surprises." "(laughs) Sofia... who are you talking to?" "I'm the master surpriser." "She wants this." "She wants this bad." "Okay, everybody, remember." "The code word... is waffles." "When I say "waffles", you guys jump up and yell surprise, got it?" " Oh, she's here!" "She's here!" " Get down, get down, everybody get down!" " Morning, Josh." " Good morning, indeed." "So, uh... guess you really wanna know what I want for breakfast." "Oh!" "Um..." "I actually..." "I just picked up all the fixin's for omelets," " so..." " Ooh, omelets are so good." "But I'm in the mood for... (shouts) waffles!" "OTHERS:" "Surprise!" " Oh my God, what did you do?" " Ha!" "Nailed it!" "(laughs)" "How happy are you right now?" "(crying)" "She's crying!" " Uhh!" " She grabbed her purse!" " (crying)" " She's running out!" "And she angrily slammed the door!" " Worst party ever!" " (theme music playing)" "♪ She's in the spotlight ♪" "♪ And she turned my head ♪" "♪ She'd run a red light ♪" "♪ 'Cause she's bad like that ♪" "♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby, baby ♪" "Gabi?" " I brought home a little something." " (whines) Ohhh, I hate today." "I smell the cupcake." "What cupcake?" "I don't want it." "I don't want anything." "Okay, Gabi, what's going on?" "Why did you run out of Josh's so fast?" "You've always loved your birthday." "You wouldn't understand." "You're still young." "You're three weeks older than me." "(sighs) Well, let me tell you something." "The big two-five hits you like a ton o' bricks." "One minute life's all... roller skates and snow cones, and... next minute it's just broken promises and shattered dreams!" "Oh my God, there's frosting in the middle!" "Whoa, I'm having a quarter-life crisis here!" "Oh, sorry, okay." " Tell me what's really going on." "Gabi." " Nothing." "Fine." "My dad got me this." "Ohh." "This is nasty." "I see what's going on." "You're turning 25 and all you got was this crappy globe." "No, it's not a crappy globe, it's a... piggy bank in the shape of a crappy globe." "Right." "How is this card from your mom?" "She gave it to me on my 15th birthday so we could save up for our trip together." "We put quarters in there, so that when I turned 25, we could... have enough to go on a culinary adventure around the globe." "Ohh, quarters." "That's so cute." "Twenty-five for 25." "Oh my God, I just got that." "Huh." "And we were gonna go to New York, and Paris, and Venice." "Now I'm never gonna get to go to any of those places with her 'cause she's gone." " Mmm." " (knocking on door)" " Thank you." " There you go." "Oh my God, birthday flowers from Josh?" "Didn't he get the message?" "I don't want anything." "Actually, these are for Ms. Wilson, downstairs." "(crying) So Josh didn't even get me flowers?" "Gabi crying and champagne?" "Best day ever!" " Look!" "Gabi's birthday gifts!" " (gasps)" " I wonder what Josh got her." " Mmm." "Oh-oh!" "Thigh-high Italian leather boots!" "In my almost size!" "Oh!" "A limited edition, oversized unisex designer tote!" " (gasps)" " I love it!" "Hey!" "Get your hands off Gabi's gifts." "They're goin' back." "BOTH:" "No!" "(whispering) If we let him take 'em back, they'll be gone forever." "But if we make sure they get to Gabi, we can borrow them, keep them for a long time, and she'll forget she ever owned them, and ipso fatso, we'll own them!" "(both sing-song) Josh!" "Remember how, thanks to you, Gabi ran outta here devastated on her birthday?" "What's your point?" "The point is, wouldn't you want to make it up to her?" "W... of course I want to, but I blew it so hard at that party, there's no coming back from that." "Unless..." "What, you guys have an idea?" "Totes!" "Happy Birthday, Ms. Wilson!" " You got me flowers?" " Yeah." "No." "They accidentally delivered 'em to our place by mistake, which is weird, 'cause it's my birthday, too." " Get outta here." " No, I'm serious." "So am I." "Okay, I'll just, uh, put your flowers down over here." "By the way, the card wasn't signed." "Who's your secret admirer?" " (chuckling) I don't know." " (Sofia chuckles)" "Maybe my CrossFit trainer?" "Or, they could be from Bernie." "(gasps) Sanders?" "Schwartz." "But Sanders..." "I wouldn't mind running my fingers through that hair." "So, uh, who's Bernie Schwartz?" "He's a man I met in Vegas 20 years ago," " when we were married." " GABI AND SOFIA:" "Ohhh." " And not to each other." " Ahhh-ohhh!" "Oh, wow!" "Check it out. "In a city of lights, none shined brighter than you." "I will never forget our kiss."" "(gasp) You kissed Bernie while you were married?" "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." "(laughing)" ""Fate brought us together at the wrong time, but, baby..." ""if by some chance we're both single on our 95th birthdays," ""let's meet right back at the Bellagio in the honeymoon suite at midnight."" "(gasp) Do you know what this means?" "I still have 70 years to meet someone!" "My God, this is so romantic, it's just like Sleepless in Seattle." " You have to go to Vegas, Ms. Wilson!" " Uh, nope." "What do you mean, nope?" "What if I show up, and find out he's gone to a better place?" "Oh..." "like the Venetian?" "Is she really this dumb?" "Ms. Wilson, if you don't go, how are you gonna know?" "Oh my God!" "This is it!" "A birthday trip!" "Okay, you are going to Vegas, and we are taking you." "We have eight hours till midnight!" "I'll go on one condition..." "Vegas, baby!" "(laughs)" "This is the most fun I've ever had... in the front seat of a car." "Um, Ms. Wilson, just because you are 95, doesn't mean you have to drive 95!" "Oh, you only live once!" "And you only die once, too!" "I bet she's not even allowed to drive." "They probably took her license 20 years ago!" "Wrong!" "I never had a license!" "GABI AND SOFIA:" "What?" " (police siren)" " Oh, thank God!" "They want you to pull over." "Pull over!" "Pull over!" "My parole officer's gonna be pissed." "Can I just say... bringing Gabi these presents to make up for that stupid surprise party we were gonna throw is a-genius." "That's weird, it's open." "It's okay." "There's nothing here worth stealing." "Gabi?" " Where is she?" " Mm-hm..." "let me check the bedroom." "I love these boots!" "Oh my God, what... what if something happened to her?" "I can't lose the girl I..." "I employ as my chef!" "Josh, she's not in the bedroom." "I'm callin' her." "Hey, Gabi, where are you?" "Hey, Josh, I'm on my way to Vegas." "What?" "I..." "I thought you said you didn't wanna celebrate?" "Yeah, I..." "I know, it's... it's a long story, but I'm..." "I'm headed to the Bellagio." "God willing." "Okay, bye." " She's going to Vegas." " Vegas?" "Vegas?" "It's not that she didn't wanna celebrate her birthday, it's... she didn't wanna celebrate her birthday with me." "Or maybe she just misses her mom." "Oh my God, that's why she was so bummed about her birthday." "It wasn't me, it's her dead mom!" "Oh God, I'm horrible." "You know what?" "This whole thing just feels wrong right now." "Let's just bring the presents back like I wanted to do" " in the first place." " Unless..." "What, you guys have another idea?" "Totes." "Here, we filled the tank on number three." "How do you think Ms. Wilson got us out of that ticket?" "I mean, the woman was speeding without a license." "Who knows how old people do anything?" "I mean, my grandpa used to steal my nose all the time, and I still haven't figured that out." "Your card got declined." "Oh." "Well, that's okay, we'll just use our emergency card." " Oh, great, we have one of those?" " No." "Ms. Wilson, um, I'm so sorry to ask, but would you mind paying for gas?" " We don't have any cash." " Neither do I." "What?" "But you said you brought 500 bucks to gamble." "I had to pay off the cop." "That's how you got out of it?" "Well, it wasn't my first offer." "Wait, so, how are we gonna get to Vegas if we don't have any money to pay for the gas?" "You already filled up the tank, didn't you?" " Yeah." " What are you sayin'?" "We make a run for it?" "On three." "One, two, three!" "What are you doing?" "We had it!" " Are you sure you don't have any money?" " (sighs) None." "Ms. Wilson, here, give me your purse." "Let's see." "Butterscotch, butterscotch, butterscotch... condom?" "Bernie was in Japan during the war." "Um..." "Sofia, if we are not at that hotel in one hour," "Ms. Wilson is gonna miss Bernie, and then we're never gonna have an ending to the love story of Bernie and..." "Ms. Wilson, what's your first name?" "Bernice." "Aw, Bernie and Bernice." "That's so cute." "It's kinda weird, but so cute!" "Ladies, you're not going anywhere unless you pay for the gas you pumped." "And that corn dog." "Oh my God!" "The crappy globe!" " There's money in the crappy globe!" " No, no, no, no!" "This is me and my mom's money." "I only brought it for good luck." "Well, it's lucky you brought it, 'cause we need it to get outta this dump!" "Gabi, look, I..." "I know that you and your mom planned to use that money to go to New York and Paris, but maybe, just maybe, you're meant to use it now." "Honey, you can hang on to some things forever or move forward." "Now bust that bank open!" "That's all the money you saved since you were 15?" "I thought with interest it would grow." "In a real bank, Gabi, a real bank!" "This is three seventy-five, you owe... 38.06." "Sir, look, it's her 25th birthday, and her mom's not here to see it." "Do you think that, maybe, you could cut us a break?" " 38.06." " What are you, dead inside?" "Ever since I quit dancing, yeah." "Oh, well..." "I guess I won't be feelin' the Bern." "Oh, yes, you will." "Okay." "All it takes is one." "_" "All it takes is one more." "_" "Okay, all it takes is..." "What number are we on?" " We're outta quarters." " Dammit!" "So we used all my mom's quarters, and we're still stuck here?" "I know, Gabi, I'm..." "I'm so sorry." "I feel terrible." "You feel terrible?" "Third corn dog." "Wait a minute." "What's that?" "(laughs incredulously)" "Oh my God!" "My mom taped a quarter to the bottom!" "She knew I wasn't great with money, so she must've left me an extra one, so I could call her in case of emergency." "Least I have this quarter to remember her by." "Wait!" "_" "(all screaming and laughing)" "Thanks, Mom!" " (laughing) Vegas, baby!" " Oh, I'm..." "I'm driving." "_" "Okay, Ms. Wilson, there's the honeymoon suite." "Are you ready?" "Uh..." "I need a drink." "Let's hit the bar." "No, no!" "You can't go to the bar." "We only have... 20 minutes left." "We might miss Bernie." "But what if he's dead?" "Or worse, still married?" "Come on, let's get hammered." "No, no, no." "I know what's going on." " Ms. Wilson, you're nervous." " So?" "There's nothing to be nervous about." "You don't look a day over 80, and you have those dimples no man can resist." "And you've got that great CrossFit body goin' on." " Come on, let's knock." " No!" "Ms. Wilson, a very smart woman once said you can either hold onto things forever, or move forward." "Who told you that B.S.?" "(laughs) Come on, let's bust down this door, because the love of your life might be waiting on the other side." "Bernie!" "You look fantastic!" "That's not Bernie." "Close enough." "Josh, what the hell are you doing here?" "Well, I-I threw you a party, but you hated it, so I figured I'd make it up to you with presents." "So I went to your apartment to bring them to you, but it turns out you're in Vegas, so I brought your presents here." "My God, this is supposed to be Bernie and Bernice's suite, you're ruining everything!" "Should've just threw Elliot a party." "_" "Wait, how did you guys get here so fast?" "Oh, we took Josh's private jet." "It had a couch in it, free champagne, then a limo to the hotel." "Oo-hoo!" "Oh, but it was all for your birthday, baby." "Hey, has an old guy named Bernie knocked on the door?" "And if he did, how does he look?" "'Cause in '97, he was jacked!" "Gabi, what's going on?" "Twenty years ago, Ms. Wilson made a pact with a guy named Bernie, that if they were both single on their 95th birthdays, which is today, they would meet back here." "And now it's 10 minutes to midnight, so nobody moves until he shows up." "But I have tickets to Ms. Celine Dion." "You and your tote, sit!" "Did you hear that?" "My tote." "Guys, it's 12:30." "Maybe he took the stairs." "I don't think Bernie's coming." "(sigh) Man..." "I can't believe he didn't show." " Oh, it... it's okay." " No, it's not okay!" "I mean, this was your dream!" "You had a plan for your 25th birth... your 95th birthday." "It was supposed to be the most special day of your life." "My mom and I..." "You and Bernie should've been together." "I can't believe it didn't happen!" " Gabi..." " BERNICE:" "Uh... (sighs) It's not fair, Sofia." "Sure, it would've been nice to see Bernie again." "But I got to drive, and I got to Vegas." "And I won a jackpot." "It's the best night I've ever had!" "Really?" "Minus the corn dog." "Life's about new memories." "What do you say we go make some?" "(knocking on door)" "(gasps)" "(gasps)" "Bernie?" "Bernice?" "You look fantastic!" "Oh, I'm..." "I'm not Bernice." "Uh, close enough." "Over here, Bernie." "Oh, thank goodness." "I never could've handled that." "Aww... still got those dimples!" " (laughs)" " Here, I brought you some chocolates." "Ohh." "Uh..." "Thank God he's still jacked." "It's... kinda crowded here, can, uh..." " can we get outta here?" " Oh, hell, yes, let's do. (chuckles)" "Oh, maybe it'd be easier if they got out?" " Oh..." " Out!" "Elliot, if we're both single when we're 95, let's agree to meet back here... and kill each other." "I can't believe he actually showed up." "Yeah." "Ms. Wilson got her dream." "(Josh sighs)" "Gabi, when I went to bring those gifts to your apartment..." "I saw the card from your mom from when you were 15." "You did?" "Yeah." "And look, I..." "I know I can't bring her back... but maybe I can give you guys the trip you always dreamed of." "Look..." "New York, Paris, and Venice." "That's everywhere I wanted to go with my mom." "That's amazing." "So what I'm hearing is..." "maybe I'm kinda your hero?" "Maybe you kinda are." "It's like Ms. Wilson said, you gotta make new memories." "Hey, you two, can you get outta here?" "More butter?" "Ha-ha-ha-ha, mm-hm!" "More syrup?" "Don't mind if I do!" "Whipped cream?" "What do you think?" "I love Vegas!" "Yolanda, it's nine in the morning, are you just getting in now?" "Me and these boots have been out all night!" "(gasps) Did you know they give you free drinks when you gamble?" " Here's me and Elliot at Caesar's." " Ohh!" " Here's me and Elliot at the MGM Grand!" " Uh-huh." "Here's me and Elliot at..." " Huh." " at a chapel?" "Here's me and Elliot slippin' rings on each other's fingers." " Here's me and El..." " (both gag)" " Oh my damn!" " Hey, girls!" "Ooh, brekkie!" "Did Yolanda tell you how much fun we had?" "Oh, she sure did!" "Did she tell you Ms. Celine Dion asked me where I got my tote?" "(laughs)" " Am I gonna have a good story for Alan." " (laughing)" "(both laughing)" " Oh..." " (chuckling)" "What's on my head?" "Uh-oh."