"when I see those war pictures, all about flying leathernecks and submarine patrols and frogmen and guerrillas in the Philippines." "What gets me is there never was a movie about P.O.W.s, about prisoners of war." "Now, my name is Clarence Harvey Cook." "They call me Cookie." "I was shot down over Magdeburg, Germany, back in '43." "That's why I stammer once in a while, especially when I get excited." "I spent 2 1/2 years in Stalag 17." "Stalag is the German word for prison camp, and number 17 was somewhere on the Danube." "There were about 40,000 P.O.W.s there if you bothered to count the Russians and the Poles and the Czechs." "In our compound, there were 630 of us, all American airmen-- radio operators, gunners and engineers-- all sergeants." "Now, you put 630 sergeants together, and, oh, mother, you've got yourself a situation." "There was more fireworks shooting off around that joint." "Take, for instance, the story about the spy we had in our barracks." "It was a week before Christmas in '44, and two of our guys," "Manfredi and Johnson, to be exact, were just getting set to blow the place." "[Clank Clank]" "[Snoring]" "[Snoring]" "Animal." "Animal!" "Get up." "Betty Grable's on the phone." "Here's your civilian clothes." "O.K., Hoffy." "Now, remember, bury your army outfits before you get out of the forest." "Your compass is the top button of this jacket." "Anybody asks for your papers, you're French laborers." "Here's your map, Kraut money, Swiss francs." "Roger." "Let's hear it once more, boys." "We've been over it a hundred times." "Let's hear it again." "We stick to the forest going west until we hit the Danube." "Follow the Danube to Linz, hop a barge and go to Ulm." "[Duke] Stop it, Joey!" "Joey, go back to sleep." "Go on." "You're in Ulm." "We lie low until night." "Then we take a train to Friedrichshafen." "We steal a rowboat, get some fishing tackle, and drift across the lake till we hit the other side, Switzerland." "Then give out with a big yodel so we'll know you're there." "It's a breeze." "Stay out of this, Sefton." "Just one question." "Did you calculate the risk?" "Ready." "You've got 10 minutes to get through the tunnel." "That'll bring you out just as the Jerries are changing shifts." "Blondie?" "O.K." "Peel off." "Show 'em, boys." "Take care." "All the luck." "We'll miss you cruds." "Auf Wiedersehen." "They ought to be under the barbed wire soon." "Looks good outside." "I hope they hit the Danube before dawn." "They got a good chance." "The longest night of the year." "I'll bet they make Friedrichshafen." "Switzerland." "They won't get out of the forest." "What kind of crack is that?" "No crack." "Two packs of cigarettes say they don't get out of the forest." "Crawl back in your sack." "He'd make book on his mother getting hit by a truck." "Anybody call?" "I'll back those kids." "I'll cover 10." "I'll take 5." "Put me down for 10." "3." "I'll cover the whole pot." "Anything you say." "Cookie?" "More cigarettes." "Speak up, boys." "I'll cover 8." "Give me 3." "Here's 4." "Here's 2." "Here's 4." "And 4 more." "I'll cover 8." "Give me 3." "I bet 2." "And a half." "No butts." "No butts." "No butts." "Will this do, or do you want more?" "That'll do." "Speak up, boys." "Any more sports in the crowd?" "Let's go." "Those filthy Krauts." "What slipped up, Hoffy?" "Don't ask me." "Price was elected Security." "O.K., Security, what happened?" "I wish I knew." "We had everything figured out to the last detail." "Maybe the Krauts knew about the tunnel." "Shut up." "Maybe they were laying for them." "Hold it, Sefton." "So we heard shots." "So who says they didn't get away?" "Anybody here want to double their bet?" "Every morning at 6:00 on the dot, they'd have the appell-- That's roll call to you." "Every barracks had its own alarm clock." "Our alarm clock was Feldwebel Schulz" "Johann Sebastian Schulz." "I understand the Krauts had a composer way back with a Johann Sebastian in it, but I can tell you one thing." "Schulz was no composer." "He was a Schweinehund." "Was he ever a lousy Schweinehund." "Aufstehen!" "Aufstehen, everybody!" "[Blows Whistle]" "Aufstehen!" "[Speaking German]" "Every man, you must get out for roll call!" "Ja." "Good morning to you." "Ha ha ha!" "O.K., everybody, come on." "Get down." "Get down!" "Aufstehen!" "I'm sick." "I got something wrong." "O.K., come on, you sack rats." "Cut the beefing and get up!" "Hey, Schulz." "Ja?" "You have some machine-gun practice last night?" "Oh, terrible." "Such foolish boys." "Such nice boys." "I better not talk about it." "It makes me sick to my stomach." "Aufstehen." "Aufstehen." "Aufstehen roll call." "Everybody, raus." "Raus!" "You killed them, huh?" "Both of them?" "Such nice boys." "It makes me sick" "Don't wear it out!" "Aufstehen, everybody!" "You, too." "Put away that piccolo." "Lay off, Schulz." "He has a sickness." "You know he's krank." "Sometimes I think he's fooling us with that crazy business." "How would you like to see the guts of nine pals splattered all over your plane?" "Come on, Joey." "Don't be afraid." "Aufstehen, please, gentlemen." "You do not want to stay in bed on such a beautiful morning." "We are having good day." "Hey, Schulz." "Ja?" "Sprechen sie Deutsch?" "Jawohl." "Then droppen sie dead!" "Ha ha ha!" "Always with the jokes." "Aufstehen!" "Aufstehen!" "Roll call." "Wake up, Animal." "Come on, Animal." "Wake up." "[Sweetly] Good morning, Animal." "What would you like for breakfast, scrambled eggs with little sausages, bacon and eggs sunny-side up?" "Griddle cakes." "A waffle." "Stop it, Harry." "I'm warning you." "Coffee... milk... or maybe a little cocoa." "Why do you do this to me every morning?" "Hamburgers and onions, strawberry shortcake, gefilte fish-- l'll kill you, Harry." "Let go, Animal!" "It's roll call!" "Hitler is waiting to see us." "We have two empty bunks here" "Nummer einundsiebzig und Nummer dreiundsiebzig in Baracke vier." "Suppose you let those mattresses cool off a little, huh, just out of decency?" "It is only that we are cramped for space, new prisoners coming in every day." "Now, gentlemen, outside, please." "You don't want me to get in trouble with the kommandant again, huh?" "Outside!" "As long as you're going to move somebody in, how about some Russian broads?" "Russian women prisoners?" "Jawohl." "Some are not bad at all." "Ja." "Just get us a couple with beautiful glockenspiels." "Droppen sie dead." "Raus!" "Raus!" "Raus!" "Down, boy." "Down, down!" "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "[Whistle Blows]" "All right, men!" "Fall in!" "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf..." "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf..." "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf..." "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf..." "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf..." "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf..." "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf..." "Achtung!" "Attention!" "Herr Kommandant!" "Guten Morgen, Sergeants." "Nasty weather we are having, eh?" "And I so much hoped we could give you a white Christmas, just like the ones you used to know." "Aren't those the words that clever little man wrote, you know, the one who stole his name from our capital, that, uh, something-or-other Berlin?" "Look at that mud." "Come spring-- and I hope you will still be with us next spring-- we shall plant some grass here and, perhaps, some daffodils." "[Speaking German]" "[Speaking German] I understand we are minus two men this morning." "I'm surprised at you, gentlemen." "Here I am, trying to be your friend, and you do these embarrassing things to me." "This could get me into hot water with the high command." "They would court-martial me after all these years of a perfect record." "Now, you wouldn't want that to happen to me, would you?" "Fortunately, those two men" "[Ocarina Plays]" "As I was saying, fortunately, those two men did not get very far." "They had the good sense to rejoin us again so my record would stand unblemished." "Nobody has ever escaped from Stalag 17... not alive, anyway." "Sergeant Hoffman of Barracks 4." "Yes, Sergeant Hoffman?" "As duly elected compound chief, I protest the way these bodies are left lying in the mud." "According to the Geneva Convention, dead prisoners are to be given a decent burial." "I'm aware of the Geneva Convention." "They'll be given the burial they deserve, or perhaps you would suggest we haul in 21 cannons from the Eastern Front and give them a 21-gun salute?" "For the last time, gentlemen, let me remind you, any prisoners found outside the barracks after lights-out will be shot on sight." "Furthermore, the iron stove in Barrack 4, the one camouflaging the trapdoor, will be removed, and so that the men from this barrack do not suffer from the cold, they will keep warm by filling in the escape tunnel." "is that clear?" "All right, then, gentlemen, we are all friends again." "And with Christmas coming on, I have a special treat for you." "I'll have you all deloused for the holidays, and I'll have a little Christmas tree for every barrack." "You will like that." "Who did this?" "I will give the funny man exactly five seconds to step forward." "Then you'll all stand here if it takes all day and all night." "That is better." "I see." "600 funny men." "There will be no Christmas trees, but there will be delousing with ice water from the hoses." "Dismissed!" "Guten Morgen, Sergeants." "We will remove the iron stove, the one camouflaging the trapdoor-- l'm telling you, these Nazis ain't kosher." "You can say that again." "These Nazis ain't kosher." "I said you can say it again!" "That doesn't mean you have to repeat it!" "Private property, bub." "How come the Krauts knew about that stove, Security?" "And the tunnel?" "How come you can't belch without them knowing it?" "If you don't like how I'm handling this job-- lt's got us all spinning." "What makes them Krauts so smart?" "Maybe they do it with radar." "Maybe they got a mike hidden somewhere." "Yeah." "Right up Joey's ocarina." "Maybe it's not that they're so smart." "Maybe it's that we're so stupid." "Maybe somebody's tipping them off, like one of us!" " You don't say?" " Yes, I do say." "One of us is a dirty, stinking stoolie!" "is that Einstein's theory, or did you figure it out yourself?" "Hey, hey, new dames in the Russian compound!" " Yay!" " Whoo!" " Yeah!" "Come on!" "[Whistling]" "New dames!" "[Whistling]" "New dames in the Russian compound!" "Oh, you sweethearts!" "Let's open up the Third Front!" "[Speaking Russian]" "How about a little borscht, just the two of us!" "Hey, Russki, Russki!" "Look at those bublichkis!" "[Whistling]" "Hey, look at me!" "I'm your baby." "Get a load of that broad." "She's built like a brick Kremlin." "Hey, comrade!" "Here I am!" "Harry Shapiro, the Volga boatman of Barracks 4!" "Lay off, the blonde is mine!" "[Speaking German]" "Hey, Olga!" "Volga!" "Wait for me!" "Zuruck oder ich schieße!" "Let me go!" "They'll shoot you." "Let me go!" "Let me go!" "They'll shoot you, Animal." "I don't care!" "Let me go!" "[Whistle Blows]" "Chow, Animal!" "I don't want to eat." "I want to go over there and talk." "You don't want to talk to broads with boots on." " l don't care if they wear galoshes." " You want Betty Grable!" "I told you when the war was over, I'd get you a date with Betty Grable." "How will you do that?" "We'll go to California." "I got a cousin that works for the Los Angeles Gas Company." "That's how we get the address." "When she comes to the door, I say," ""Congratulations, Miss Grable." ""We have voted you the girl" ""we'd most like to be behind barbed wire with." "I'm here to present the award.""" "What's the award?" "What do you think?" "You." "Me?" "Well, supposing she don't want me?" "Well, if she don't want you, she don't get nothing." "You're teasing me again, Harry!" "Let go!" "Let go!" "It's chow!" "We'll miss chow!" "Chow." "Are you supposed to drink this stuff or shave?" "Drink." "Shave." "Anyone else want potato soup?" " No!" " No!" " No!" "You sure?" " Yeah!" " Yes!" " Yeah!" "Chow!" "Chow!" "Where's my chow?" "Ah!" "Do you have to put your socks in my breakfast?" "Tough luck." "I hate this life." "Set her up, Cookie." "I'm starved." "I'm al-ruh-ready." "Easy, Animal." "Easy." "Where'd it come from?" "From a chicken, bug-wit." "A chicken?" "A chicken lays those things." "Don't you remember, Animal?" "Hey... it's beautiful." "Are you going to eat it all by yourself?" "Mm-hmm." "The yellow and the white." "is it all right if we smell it?" "Just don't drool on it." "You're not going to eat the shells?" "Help yourself." "Gee, thanks." "What are we going to do with it?" "We're going to plant it, Animal." "We're going to grow us a chicken for Christmas." "If I were you, Sefton, I'd eat that egg someplace else, for instance, under the barracks." "Coffee looks weak today." "Come on, Trader Horn, let's hear it." "What'd you give the Krauts for that egg?" "45 cigarettes." "Price has gone up." "The cigarettes you took us for last night?" "What was I gonna do with them?" "I only smoke cigars." "Nice guy." "The Krauts shoot Manfredi and Johnson last night, today he's trading with them." "This may be my last hot breakfast." "They're taking our stove." "Can I eat it in peace?" "Now, ain't that too bad?" "Tomorrow he'll have to suck a raw egg." "He don't have to worry." "He'll trade for a six-burner gas range, maybe a deep freeze, too." "What's the beef?" "So I'm trading." "Everybody here is trading." "Maybe I trade sharper." "That make me a collaborator?" "A lot sharper, Sefton." "I'd like to have some of your loot." "Listen, the first week I was in this joint, somebody stole my Red Cross package, my blanket and my left shoe." "Since then I've wised up." "This ain't no Salvation Army." "It's everybody for himself, dog eat dog." "You stink, Sefton." "Come off it!" "Now you've done it." "You've given me nervous indigestion." "Here, Joey." "Anything else bothering you boys?" "Yeah, just one little thing." "How'd you know Manfredi and Johnson wouldn't leave the forest?" "I wasn't so sure." "I just liked the odds." "What's that crack supposed to mean?" "They're dead out there, and I'm wondering why." "I'll tell you why." "Because our security officer said it'd be safe, and the barracks chief gave the green light." "What are you guys trying to prove, anyway?" "Trapdoors, digging tunnels" "Listen" "You listen to me!" "What are our chances of getting out of here?" "Say you make it to Switzerland, say to the States." "So what?" "They ship you to the Pacific, you get shot down again, this time you're in a Japanese prison camp..." "That is, if you're lucky." "Well, I'm no escape artist." "Cigar, Cookie." "You can be the heroes, the guys with fruit salad on your chest." "Me, I'm staying put." "I'm going to make myself as comfortable as I can." "If it takes some trading with the enemy to get some food, that's O.K. by Sefton." "Why, you crud." "This war won't last forever." "Then we'll see about Kraut-kissers like you!" "Hey, I said that's enough!" "At ease, at ease." "At ease, at ease." "Break it off down there." "At ease for the news." "At ease." "Today's camp news." ""Father Murray announces that due to local regulations," ""the Christmas midnight mass will be held at 7 a.m." ""He also says, quote, all you sack rats better show up, and no bull from anybody, unquote.""" "At ease." "At ease." "Next" ""Monday afternoon, a sailboat race will be held at the cesspool." ""See Oscar Rudolph of Barrack 7 if you wish to enter a yacht.""" "All right, at ease." "At ease." "Next" ""Jack Cushingham and Larry Blake" ""will play Frank De Notta and Mike Cohen for the camp's pinochle championship.""" "That's a fix." "All right, at ease." "At ease." "Next" ""Tuesday afternoon at 2:00, all men from Texas will meet behind the north latrine.""" " Boo!" " Boo!" "All right, at ease." "At ease." "Next" ""A warning from the kommandant" " Boo!" " Boo!" ""Anybody found throwing rocks" ""at low-flying German aircraft will be thrown in the boob.""" " Boo!" " Boo!" "All right, at ease." "Are the doors covered?" "Yeah." "O.K., Steve, give 'em the radio." "You can keep it for two days." "We're supposed to get a week." "The boys are afraid the Jerries will find it here." "This barracks is jinxed." "We'll take care of it." "Rig the antenna." "We'll try the BBC." "¶ Get the antenna ¶" "¶ Get the antenna ¶" "¶ Get the antenna ¶" "¶ Get the antenna ¶" "¶ Got the antenna ¶" "¶ l got the ball ¶" "¶ l got the ball... ¶¶" "Here we go!" "Hit it, Zack!" "Getting anything?" "Getting too much." "I'm trying to unscramble." "How about a little Guy Lombardo?" "Are we boring you, Sefton?" "Hold it." "Quiet." "Five panzer divisions and nine infantry divisions of Von Rundstedt's army... are pouring into the wide breach." "Krauts have busted through." "A second German wedge is reported 14 miles west of Malmedy... where tank columns cut the road to Bastogne." "¶ Ei, du meine Liebe ¶" "¶ Ei, du meine Lust ¶" "¶ Ei, du meine Liebe ¶" "¶ Schnitzelbank ¶" "¶ lst das nicht ein Schnitzelbank?" "¶" "¶ Ja, das ist ein Schnitzelbank ¶" "¶ lst das nicht ein kurz und lang?" "¶" "¶ Ja, das ist ein kurz und lang ¶" "¶ Kurz und lang, Schnitzelbank ¶" "¶ Ei, du meine Liebe ¶" "¶ Ei, du meine Lust ¶" "¶ Ei, du meine Liebe ¶" "¶ Schnitzelbank-- ¶" "¶ lst das nicht ein volleyball?" "¶" "¶ Ja, das ist ein volleyball ¶" "¶ lst das nicht ein Schweinestall?" "¶" "¶ Ja, das ist ein Schweinestall ¶" "¶ Schweinestall, volleyball ¶" "¶ Kurz und lang, Schnitzelbank ¶" "¶ Ei, du meine Liebe ¶" "¶ Ei, du meine Lust ¶" "¶ Ei, du meine Liebe ¶" "¶ Schnitzelbank ¶" "Wunderbar!" "Isn't he wunderbar?" "Grossartich!" "¶ lst das nicht ein Dickermeier?" "¶" "¶ Ja, das ist ein Dickermeier ¶" "¶ lst das nicht ein chicken wire... ¶¶ ...has driven across Luxembourg." "The Allied Air Force is grounded by poor visibility." "Meanwhile, two of Patton's tank units have been diverted toward Bastogne and are trying to" "Come on." "Static." "The radio's static, Patton's static, and we're static." "It's going to be a longer war than you figured, huh, Duke?" "Easy, easy..." "Watch it." "Watch it." "[Whistle Blows]" "[Whistling]" "Well, well, gentlemen, am I interrupting something?" "Yeah, Schulz, we were just passing out guns." "Guns?" "Ah, you're joking." "Always with the visecrackers." "Visecrackers." "Did he learn English in a pretzel factory?" "You always think I'm a square." "I've been to America." "I've been wrestling there." "I wrestled in Milwaukee, in St. Louis, in Cincinnati, and I'll go back." "The way the war's going, I'll be there before you." "You should live so long." "Here." "That's me in Cincinnati." "Who's the other wrestler with the mustache?" "That's my wife." "Hey, look at all that meat." "Ain't she the bitter end?" "Oh, give it back." "You must not arouse yourself." "Schulz, I got a deal for ya." "Suppose you help us escape." "We'll have everything waiting for you in Madison Square Garden." "For the heavyweight wrestling championship of the world, in this corner--Schulz, the Beast of Bavaria versus the Hunchback of Stalag 17." "Ha ha!" "Droppen sie dead." "Raus mit 'em." "Was steht ihr da herum?" "And now, gentlemen, we will all go outside for a little gymnastics." "We will grab some shovels, and we will undig that tunnel which you digged." "Schulz, let's just plug up the tunnel with the kommandant on one end and you on the other." "It isn't me." "It's the orders." "I'm your friend." "I'm your best friend here." "Cut the guff, Schulz." "We're on to you." "You know everything that's happening in this barracks." "Who's tipping you off?" "Tipping me off?" "I do not understand." "You're wasting your time, Duke." "Come on, everybody." "Outside." "Let's get it over with." "Just a second." "Schulz says he's our friend." "Maybe he can give us a hint." "Come on." "How'd you get the information about Manfredi and Johnson, about the stove and the tunnel?" "Who's giving it to you?" "Which one of us is it?" "Which one is what?" "The informer." "You're saying one American would inform on another?" "That's the general idea, only it's not so general as far as I'm concerned." "Schulz, you might as well come clean." "Tell them it's me." "I'm really the illegitimate son of Hitler." "After the Germans win the war, you're making me the Gauleiter of Zinzinnati." "Ha ha!" "You Americans." "You're the craziest people." "That's why I like you." "I wish I could invite you all to my house for a nice German Christmas, eh?" "Raus!" " Raus, raus!" " Down, boy." "Raus, raus!" "Raus, raus, raus." "Down, boy." "Down, down." "Raus..." "Those poor suckers, Manfredi and Johnson." "They got out of Stalag 17, all right, only not quite the way they wanted." "Somebody in our outfit was tipping off the Krauts, only who was it?" "The Animal or Harry or Hoffy or Price or Blondie or Goofy Joey or Duke?" "It sure wasn't me." "Maybe it was Sefton." "Sergeant J.J. Sefton." "I guess it's about time I told you a few more things about Sefton." "If I was a writer, I'd send it to Reader's Digest for "Most Unforgettable Character You've Ever Met."" "He was a big-time operator." "Always hustling, always scrounging." "Take, for instance, the horse races." "Every Saturday and Sunday, he'd put on horse races." "He was sole owner and operator of the Stalag 17 Turf Club." "He was the presiding steward, the chief handicapper, the starter, the judge, the breeder, and his own bookie." "He was the whole works, except I was stableboy for five smokes a day." "Give me Equipoise, 10 on the nose." "10 on the nose." "Come on, come on." "10 on Schnickelfritz." "Equipoise." "Schnickelfritz." "Equipoise." "Come on." "The horses are at the post." "Equipoise?" "Equipoise." "10 on Equipoise." "5 on Seabiscuit." "I'll pay you when" "No credit." "Have a heart, Sefton." "Sorry. lt's against racing commission rules." "Any more bets?" "Ready, Cookie?" "Ready." "Let 'em go!" "And they're off and running at Stalag 17..." "Come on, Equipoise." "Come on, you beauty!" "Equipoise!" "What'd I tell ya?" "Don't be no rat!" "Daddy'll buy you a piece of cheese!" "This way!" "This way!" "Straighten out, you dog!" "That's no horse." "That's a dervish." "Please, please!" "For Daddy!" "For Daddy!" "The winner is number 5, Schnickelfritz." "Schnickelfritz." "I told ya Schnickelfritz." "You made me bet on Equipoise." "I clocked him this morning." "He was running like a doll." "You clocked him?" "Why don't I clock you?" "Another one of his enterprises was the distillery." "He ran a bar right in our barracks selling Schnapps at two cigarettes a shot." "The boys called it the flamethrower." "It wasn't really that bad." "We brewed the stuff out of old potato peels and sometimes a couple of strings off the Red Cross parcels, just to give it a little flavor." "It ain't fair, Harry." "I'm telling you it ain't fair." "My Betty" "Ain't she beautiful?" "She married an orchestra leader." "So what." "There's other women." "Not for me." "Betty..." "Betty..." "Forget Betty, Animal." "I'll get you a date with a Russian woman." "You'll get me a date?" "Sure." "I'll get you into the Russian compound." "How?" "Pinky Miller from Barracks 8 tried getting in over there." "They shot him in the leg." "It takes a gimmick, Animal." "I figured us a little gimmick." "Ya did?" "Sharp." "Sometimes I'm so sharp, it's frightening." "To the brick Kremlin." "She'll never forgive me." "Come on, Animal." "What are you serving today, nitric acid?" "I only work here." "Talk to the management." "All right." "Mr. Management... what are you trying to do, embalm us while we're still alive?" "What'd you expect, 8-year-old bottled-in-Bonn?" "All I guarantee is you don't go blind." "Blind?" "Harry!" "Harry!" "Harry, I'm blind!" "Harry, Harry, where are you?" "I can't see." "I'm blind, Harry." "Harry, Harry, I'm blind..." "Blind?" "How stupid can you get, Animal?" "The killer-diller, of course, the real bonanza, was when Sefton put up the observatory." "He scrounged himself some high-powered Kraut lenses and a magnifying mirror and got Ronnie Bigelow to put the whole shebang together for a pound of coffee." "You could've seen the Swiss Alps, only who wanted to see the Swiss Alps?" "It was about a mile away, that Russian delousing shack, but we were right on top of it." "It cost a cigarette or a half bar of chocolate a peek." "You couldn't catch much through that steam, but believe you me, after two years in camp, just the idea what was behind that window sure spruced up your voltage." "Let's go." "20 seconds to a customer." "Sefton, what's snarling up the traffic?" "By the time it's our turn, they'll be old hags." "Simmer down, simmer down." "There'll be a second show when they put the next batch through." "Hey, Sefton." "What's the big idea?" "Take that telescope down." " Says who?" " Says me." "You take it out, you'll start a riot." "Whenever the men get packages, you figure some angle to rob them." "If the Krauts find that gadget, they'll throw us in the boob." "They know about that gadget." "Worry about that radio." "They also know about your distillery and horse races?" "That's right." "What makes you and them Krauts so buddy-buddy?" "Ask Security." "Go on, tell him." "You got me shadowed every minute..." "Or haven't you found out?" "Not yet." "How do you rate?" "I grease the guards-- 10% of the take." "Maybe a little something else?" "Like what?" "Maybe a little information." "Break it off!" "How much we got to take?" "No vigilante stuff, not while I'm barracks chief." "Hey!" "Look at 'em!" "Those crazy jerks!" "They won't get away with it!" "It's Harry and the Animal." "They're trying to sneak into the Russian compound!" "They're past the 50-yard line." "Look at 'em go!" "They'll paint themselves right into their graves." "¶ Hi-yo da-dem ¶" "¶ Get a load of them ¶" "Hello, bublichki." "How you all?" "Hiya." "How...how?" "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ Doo-doo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ Doo-doo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ Doo-doo doodle-oo ¶" "Hey, the brick Kremlin." "Hey, Olga Volga, wait for me." "Hey, Animal..." "The window." "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ Doo-doo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ Doo-doo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ Doo-doo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ Doo-doo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ Doo-doo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ Doo-doo doodle-oo ¶" "¶ How-doo doodle-oo doodle-oo doodle-ooh... ¶¶" "Was sol das?" "Was machen sie hier?" "Sie sind verhaftet!" "Schweinehund!" "Schweinehund!" "So life sort of drifted back to normal in Stalag 17." "It was a couple of days before Christmas, and everything seemed quiet enough, but underneath it all, we knew we were sitting on a barrel of dynamite and that the stoolie-- whoever he was-- was ready to strike again any second." "At ease!" "At ease!" "At ease!" "All right, at ease, at ease." "Mail call!" "All right, at ease." "Hey, Mac, anything for Stanislaus Kuzawa?" "First, the kommandant is sending every barracks a little Christmas present." "A copy of Mein Kampf." "All right, at ease." "At ease." "In the words of Oberst Von Scherbach," ""now that German victory is in sight," ""all American prisoners are to be indoctrinated with the teachings of the Führer."" Unquote." "In my own words" "[Belch]" "Unquote." "That's the wrong direction." "Give that man a Kewpie doll." " Martin?" " Here." " Shapiro?" " Yep." " Price?" " Yeah." "Trzcinski?" "Yo." " McKay?" " Yo." "Shapiro?" "Shapiro?" "Manfredi?" "Shapiro?" " Musgrove?" " Hey." " McKay?" " Yo." " Peterson?" " Yeah." " Plews?" " Yeah." " Pirelli?" " Hey." " Coleman?" " Yo." "Shapiro?" "Nothing for Stanislaus Kuzawa?" "Shapiro?" "Shapiro?" " Agnew?" " Here." "And just what makes you so popular?" "It's amazing-- 50 million guys running loose back home, and all those dames want is Sugar-Lips Shapiro." " Plews?" " Here." " Bauer?" " Here." " McKay?" " Yo." " Agnew?" " Here." "Here, Kuzawa..." "Yeah?" "Give this to Joey, will ya?" "is that it?" "At ease, at ease." "Here's a little something from Father Murray." "One to each barrack." "He says he wants you cruds to cut out all swearing during Yuletide." "How'd he get those?" "Prayed, I guess." "They grew out of his mattress." "Come on, Steve." "Hey, what do we do for decorations?" "For that, you got to pray yourself." ""And so, Joey, we do hope" ""that you will finish that last year of law school when you come back home.""" "Law school?" "Hey, you don't want to be no stinkin' lawyer with a stinkin' briefcase in a stinkin' office, do you, Joey?" "Nah." ""And do keep writing, son." ""Your letters are very dear to us." "With all our love, Dad.""" "Hey, it's from your dad, Joey." "Here." "Take it." "Next time we write, you know what you're going to say?" "You'll say you don't want to be no lawyer, that you want to be a musician, maybe, huh?" "And play the flute." "Yeah, Joey?" ""l saw a wonderful article on German prison camps in one of the magazines.""" "Mom reads a lot." ""They showed pictures of the tennis courts." ""They also say that in winter they freeze them so you boys can ice skate.""" "Anything about grouse hunting in the Vienna woods?" ""ln a way, I'm glad you're not in America, with everything rationed here, like gas and meat.""" "Heart-rendering, ain't it?" "Why don't we send them some food parcels?" "What do all those broads say?" "What do they always say?" "Let me read one." "It's not good for you, Animal." "Hey, this is with a typewriter." "It's from a finance company." "So it is from the finance company." "It's better than no letter at all." "They want the third payment on the Plymouth." "They want the fourth, the fifth, the sixth, the seventh..." "So they want the Plymouth." "Sugar-Lips Shapiro." "Amazing, ain't it?" "I believe it." "I believe it." "What?" "My wife says, "Darling, you won't believe it," ""but I found the most adorable baby on our doorstep," ""and I've decided to keep it for our very own." "You won't believe it, but it's got exactly my eyes and nose.""" "Why does she keep saying I don't believe it?" "I believe it." "I believe it." "I believe it." "This is it, gentlemen." "Don't bother to scrape your shoes." "O.K., gang, meet our new guests." "This is Lieutenant Dunbar, and this is Sergeant Bagradian." "A lieutenant!" " Hey." " Hey." "Knock it off." "The pleasure's all mine." "What's doing on the outside?" "What's new in the States?" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "The skirts are shorter, if that's what you mean." "[Cheering]" "The lieutenant will be here until the Krauts ship him to the officers' camp in Silesia." "The railroad lines out of Frankfurt are fouled up because somebody blew up an ammunition train." "Somebody, my eye." "The lieutenant did it right in the station with 50 German guards around." "Glad to have you with the organization." "Yeah." "You're just in time for the Christmas pageant." "Looks more like the Lost Company of Tobacco Road." "He's an actor." "You should see his imitations." "Do Lionel Barrymore again." "Do Alan Ladd." "Do Cary Grant." "Hey." "Do Grable." "Now, see here, Scarlett... I'm crazy about you and always have been." "I gave you kisses for breakfast, kisses for lunch, and kisses for supper, and now I find that you're eating out." " Ha ha." " Ha ha." "Not Gable, Grable." "That's enough." "They were shot down two days ago and been on their feet ever since." "Price will show you to your bunks." "Fix them some tea, huh?" "We had some unexpected vacancies." "Will it be, upper or lower?" "Doesn't matter, just so I can get some sleep." "Lieutenant Dunbar, it wouldn't be James Schuyler Dunbar from Boston?" "Sure would." "We know each other?" "He's from Boston, too, but you wouldn't know him unless you had your house robbed." "Maybe he would." "We were going to be officers together, only they washed me out." "Glad to see you made it." "It couldn't be all that dough behind you had something to do with it." "His mother's got $20 million." "25." "They got a summer home in Nantucket." "You better put a canopy over his bunk." "Lay off." "With all your mother's pull, how come you're not a chicken colonel?" "Lay off, I said." "Tea is being served on the veranda." "Animal, where are the napkins?" "Do be seated, bonita." "What a perfectly charming table arrangement." "They must have copied it from House Beautiful." "Ha ha." "Animal, how many times have I told you, you always got to pour from the left?" "Thank you, James." "Don't encourage them." "Those are the barracks clowns." "Where'd they get you, Lieutenant, over Frankfurt?" "On the Schweinfurt Run." "Flack or fighters?" "Fighters." "How many ships did you lose?" "About half the group." "Flying out of England?" "Yes, Waddington, 92nd bomber group." "How'd you blow up that train with 50 guards around?" "Well, l-- Just lucky, I guess." "Don't let him kid you." "Cagney couldn't have pulled a sweeter job." "[imitating James Cagney] Here's what happened" "We were waiting in the depot in Frankfurt." "Understand?" "When an ammunition train comes through" "The longest ammunition train you ever saw." "Understand?" "Oh, he's just giving it a big buildup." "Actually, it was simple." "I drifted into the men's room, fixed a little time bomb, broke open the window, and when the ammunition train started pulling out, I tossed the thing into an open car." "There must've been some straw in there." "Yeah." "About three minutes later, you could hear it" "Boom." "Understand?" "Broke every window in Frankfurt." "Understand?" "It was gorgeous." "Wait a second." "I'm not through." "Understand?" " Ha ha ha." " Ha ha ha." "I wouldn't talk about things like that." "They never caught on." "They may." "That's why I'd keep my mouth shut." "Why?" "We're all Americans here." "The Krauts have ways of getting information." "Especially in this barracks." "[Dunbar] How?" "[Price] That's what we'd like to know." "There's only one pair left." "We'll get some more." "Where does a fella take a hot shower here?" "Hot shower." "Ha ha." "Dig him." "You have to wash in the latrine." "In the latrine." "What did you expect, glamour boy, an officers' club with a steam room and a massage?" "I've let your cracks slide, but I don't intend to take any more." "If you resent my having money, start a revolution, but get off my back." "Your dough won't help you here." "You're on your own, and no mother to throw you a life belt." "Let's see how good you can swim." "I can swim, all right." "We own three swimming pools and a private lake." "It figures." "Sorry, boys, my taxi's waiting." "Cut the horseplay, Harry." "What's the matter with you guys?" "Get ready." "Here he comes." "Und Czechoslovakia und Poland--kaput." "Und die Fraulein mit die Glockenspiel und die Bustenhalter-- Verboten." "Und die Appelstrudel mit dem Liederkranz, Gesundheit." "Everything is Gesundheit" "Kaput und verboten." "Gentlemen, attention!" "Heil, Hitler!" "Heil, Hit..." "Droppen sie dead!" "Quiet!" "We are indoctrinating." "is you all indoctrinated?" " Jawohl!" " Jawohl!" "is you all good little Nazis?" " Jawohl!" " Jawohl!" "is you all good little Adolfs?" " Jawohl!" " Jawohl!" "Then we will all salute Feldwebel Schulz." "About face!" "Sieg heil!" "Sieg heil!" " Sieg heil!" " Sieg heil!" "Aw, one Führer is enough." "Now, please, gentlemen, take off those mustaches, or do you want me arrested by the Gestapo?" "Jawohl." "You would be very sorry to get a new Feldwebel, somebody without a sense of humor." "O.K., gang, take off the mustaches." "Now, what is it, Schulz?" "Gentlemen, tomorrow morning, the Geneva man is coming to inspect the camp and find out whether we're living up to the lnternational Convention." "I'm sure he'll find that we're treating you very well." "Now, you must not run around in your underwear." "And take off the wash." "The kommandant wants all the barracks to be spic and also span." "Ja, we'll put pink ribbons on the bedbugs." "The kommandant also sends you clean blankets." "He wants every man to have a new clean blanket." "We know." "We had them last year." "After the Geneva man was gone, the blankets were gone." "Yeah." "The kommandant also told me to pick up the radio." "Radio?" "What radio, Schulz?" "The one you're hiding in the barracks." "The one your friend without the leg is smuggling all over the compound." "You're off your nut." "Come on." "Give me the radio." "We have no radio." "All right, gentlemen, I will find it myself." "Now, let's see..." "Where could it be?" "Maybe--Maybe in the lieutenant's bunk." "Oh, no." "Not in the lieutenant's bunk." "I'm cold here." "Maybe warmer on this side." "In the piccolo may" "Oh, no." "Not in the piccolo." "Am I getting warmer?" "Hot, maybe?" "Very hot?" "Ha." "What is this?" "This is water?" "It's a mousetrap." "And this?" "My grandmother's earmuffs." "Look at them, Lieutenant." "Everybody is a clown." "How do you expect to win the war with an army of clowns?" "We hope you'll laugh yourselves to death." "Yes!" "Now, outside, everybody!" "Everybody out for the blankets!" "[Hoffy] Clear out." "Here we go." "Hey, you two, outside!" "Get going!" "Raus mit you!" "Hurry up, boys!" "Raus!" "Raus!" "Aw, that Schulz pig." "He knew where the radio was all the time." "That stoolie's sure batting a thousand." "The guy I want to talk to is Sefton." "Has anybody seen Sefton?" "You haven't seen Sefton, have you?" "No, I haven't." "Krause!" "Here, here." "Hoffy, I'm very sorry about the mousetrap, but the war news are very depressing anyway, huh?" "Raus mit den Drad." "Das Ball auch." "I might as well also confiscate the antenna." "American know-how." "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "All right, Cookie, where's Sefton?" "I don't know." "is he at the kommandant's?" "I don't know." "What did the Krauts trade him for the radio?" "I don't know." "Let's look in his footlockers." "No." "Hand over them keys." "I haven't got any k-keys." "O.K., then I'll get me a key." "O.K., Hoffy?" "O.K." "Hey, wait a minute." "Don't." "Sefton will get mad." "Of all the hoarding cruds." "Looks like Macy's basement, don't it?" "That kid's richer than my mother." "[Cuckoo Cuckoo]" "Aw, shut up!" "For crying out loud, what would he be doing with these?" "Suppose you ask me." "Go on, ask me!" "Because I got the goods on Mr. Sefton, because this time, he didn't shake me." "Take a look for yourself." "It'll curdle your guts." "The Russian women." "Get away." "Try the end window, where the candy is." "Come on!" "We all want to see." "How'd he get over there?" "Walked right through the gate, past the guard, like he was some Kraut field marshal." "Now we know what he got for the radio." "[Whistles]" "This is murder." "That stinking miser, keeping all that for himself." "So I'm a vigilante?" "What are the barracks officers going to do now?" "Don't worry." "We'll handle it." "Well, handle it fast before he sells us all down the river." "Hi." "Too late for chow?" "What's the matter, boys, my slip showing?" "I'll say." "You spilled a little borscht on it." "Borscht?" "Did you have a good time over there?" "Oh." "Somebody was peeking." "Yeah, had a dreamy time." "Those dames, they really know how to throw a party." "I've known some women in my time, but between you and me, there's just nothing like the hot breath of the Cossacks." "There are a couple of blonde snipers there, real man killers" "What's this?" "What happened, Cookie?" "Who did it?" "We did it." "Better not be anything missing." "This is private property." "So was the radio." "So were Manfredi and Johnson." "What about the radio?" "Yeah, what about it?" "We know he's the stoolie, and we know what the payoff is, so let's get on with it." "Let's get on with what?" "What is this, a kangaroo court?" "Why don't you get a rope and do it right?" "You make my mouth water." "You're all wire happy." "You've been in this camp too long." "You put 2 and 2 together, and it comes out 4, only it ain't 4!" "What's it add up to you?" "That you got yourselves the wrong guy." "The Krauts wouldn't plant two stoolies in one barracks, and whatever you do to me, you're going to have to do all over again when you find the right guy." "Watch it." "The kommandant." "[Whistle Blows]" "Achtung!" "Herr Kommandant!" "Good evening, Sergeants." "Little coffee klatsch you are having, eh?" "Gloomy in here, isn't it?" "Where is the barracks chief?" "Here, sir." "You have a lieutenant here," "Lieutenant, uh..." ""James Dunbar."" "Yes, sir." "I'm Lieutenant Dunbar." "What is your number?" "105-353." "That is correct." "Lieutenant Dunbar, I came to apologize for the accommodations." "Ordinarily, of course, we never put officers up with enlisted men." "I'll live." "Quite a transportation jam we're having outside of Frankfurt." "They are very angry in Berlin." "They will be even angrier on the East Front, waiting for that ammunition train." "Don't you think so, Lieutenant?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "Now, Lieutenant, how would you like to join me in my quarters?" "I have a nice fire going." "I'm O.K. here." "Why bother?" "No bother." "I'm very grateful for a little company." "You see, I suffer from insomnia." "Did you ever try 40 sleeping pills?" "Abführen." "We have some rights." "Why is this man being taken out?" "Curtains would do wonders for this barrack." "You will not get them." "How'd he find out about that ammunition train?" "You two must have shot your mouths off from Frankfurt to here." "No, we didn't." "Maybe just a hint?" "Think hard." "I don't have to think." "We didn't say anything to anybody until we hit this barracks." "Why are you looking at me?" "[Whistle Blows]" "Lights out!" "Lights out!" "Lights out!" "I suppose some jerk's going to say I did it." "Why don't you try it one at a time?" "There's a lot of folks around these days that don't believe in Santa Claus." "I always did and always will." "For a while, I thought the German Luftwaffe had shot him down, reindeers, sleigh, and all, but no, sir, come the day before Christmas, the Geneva man showed up with some presents for us." "They brought us coffee, a little sugar, prunes, and toothbrushes and, of all things, some Ping-Pong balls." "There must have been a slip-up someplace, because suddenly, we wound up with 2,000 Ping-Pong balls." "It seemed pretty idiotic at the time, but as it turned out, those Ping-Pong balls sure came in handy." "Oh, mother, did they come in handy." "Schnell!" "Schnell!" "Bevor der Mann von roten Kreuz inspizieren kommt!" "Hey, Schulz." "What is this?" "You must get out of your bunk." "The Geneva man is coming to inspect the barr" "Du lieber Gott." "You had a fight?" "How'd you like to give Frau Schulz silk stockings for Christmas?" "You should see the doctor." "Maybe I can" " Silk stockings?" "Take them." "Wunderbar." "Maybe they are too wunderbar for my wife, but there is a piano teacher in the village." "And how about 200 cigarettes for yourself?" "200 cigarettes?" "What is it you want from me?" "Who's the guy?" "What guy?" "The one you work with." "Who is he?" "I don't want no cigarettes." "I'll make it 400." "No, no, no." "Listen, Schulz, you'd better talk because I'm going to find out with or without you." "They'll have to kill me to stop me, so talk!" "Talk what?" "No, I don't know anything." "How many do you want?" "1,000?" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Take them!" "[Door Opens]" "Gentlemen, when the Geneva man comes through the barracks, I do not want you to complain to him because I have orders from the kommandant to report everyone who complains." "Look at him." "Dunbar's being crucified, and he's trading again." "Didn't you get enough last night?" "Some guys never learn." "Here's some ice off the roof." "Beat it, you little stooge." "Tell the crumb where he stands." "I called a meeting of the barracks chiefs this morning." "I thought I could get you transferred into another barracks, but nobody likes you any more than we do." "So you're stuck with me, huh?" "Maybe the Russian broads would take him." "Not with that kisser." "Not anymore." "You got off lucky last night." "One more move, you'll wake up with your throat cut." "You listening, Sefton?" "Yeah. I still got one good ear." "Now, you listen to me." "There are two guys in this barracks that know I didn't do it-- me and the guy that did do it, and it could be any one of you-- you, Hoffy, or Duke or Price" "or the Animal or Blondie or even Joey." "And he'd better watch out, the guy who left me holding the stick, because if there are going to be any throats cut" "[Whistle Blows]" "Achtung!" "Everybody at attention for the Geneva man." "As you were, gentlemen, please." "Here we have a typical barrack." "It houses 75 men." "Every one of them has his own bunk, naturally." "Naturally." "It would be rather awkward to have three men in one bunk." "You'll notice the blankets are very warm-- 50% wool." "They also smell of mothballs." "When were they issued?" "This morning?" "What do you do for heat in this barrack?" "No stove." "The men here used it as a trapdoor, so we had to remove it temporarily." "How long is temporarily?" "I trust not until July." "Here you see a typical meal the prisoners are getting." "Schulz, what are they having today?" "Bean soup mit ham hocks." "Would you like to taste it?" "Thank you, no." "Where's the ham hock?" "There should be a ham hock." "When you find it, we'll send it to Geneva." "Are there any complaints?" "Please speak up." "Don't be afraid to talk." "That's what the Geneva Convention is for-- to protect the rights of prisoners of war, whether they are Americans or Germans." "What have you got to say?" "I like it here." "Eh." "What about you?" "It's all right, considering." "What happened to you?" "Were you beaten?" "Why don't you answer?" "What did you do to this man?" "They didn't do nothing." "Who beat you?" "Nobody beat me." "We were playing pinochle." "It's a rough game." "Pardon me, sir." "Since you want us to speak up, there was a man removed from here last night," "Lieutenant Dunbar." "We'd appreciate your looking into it, that's if they haven't shot him yet." "Why was the man arrested?" "Sabotage." "He blew up a train." "They'd have to prove that." "Isn't that what the Geneva Convention says?" "You can't just shoot him." "I didn't do it." "I didn't do it." "Of course you did." "26 carloads of munitions gone off like a trick cigar." "The S.S. is running around in circles, the Gestapo is arresting the wrong people, and Von Scherbach has caught the fish." "Most amusing, isn't it?" "Uh-uh." "You are being rude again." "I just want to go to sleep." "9:30." "General Von Pfeffinger should be at his desk by now." "Shall we call Berlin and tell him the good news?" "I didn't do it." "I didn't do it." "Hauptkommando, Berlin." "General Von Pfeffinger." "Dringend." "I hope you appreciate this moment, Lieutenant." "You see, I am a cavalryman." "All the Von Scherbachs were cavalrymen." "Well, you know what happened to the cavalry." "Just give me five minutes on that couch, will ya?" "The young ones, they put into the panzer divisions." "The older ones, they put into the quartermaster corps or made them recruiting officers or wardens, like me-- wet nurses to putrid prisoners." "In Berlin, they have forgotten that Colonel Von Scherbach even exists, but they will remember now." "[Ring Ring]" "Berlin?" "General Von Pfeffinger?" "Oberst Von Scherbach, Stalag 17." "Melde gehorch" "Samst haben als gefangenen den Mann, der Munitionzug im Frankfurt im de luft gesprengt hat." "Jawohl, Herr General." "Namen?" "Dunbar." "Leutnant Dunbar." "Sabotage." "Jawohl, Herr General." "Well, there will be two S.S. men here tomorrow to take you to Berlin." "You will be interrogated by the general staff." "When it comes to the part about your arrest, I'm sure you won't forget to give me the proper credit." "I just want to sleep." "I haven't slept in three days." "You will remember the name" "Scherbach..." "Von Scherbach." "[Knock On Door]" "Herein." "Der Mann von roten Kreuz moechte den Herrn oberst sprechen." "lche bitte." "Herein, bitte." "Well, Herr Inspector, how did you find the camp, crowded but gemütlich, shall we say?" "I want to talk about Lieutenant Dunbar." "is this Lieutenant Dunbar?" "It is." "What exactly is he charged with?" "Whatever it is, it's out of your jurisdiction." "This man is not a prisoner of war, not anymore." "He's a saboteur." "He's a prisoner of war until you can prove sabotage." "I didn't do it." "I was in the Frankfurt station, and the train was 3 miles away when it blew up." "Come now." "You threw a time bomb." "How could I have had a time bomb?" "They searched me when they took me prisoner." "And the way you search your prisoners, it sounds rather unlikely." "All I know is he did it." "I'm satisfied." "I'm not." "According to the Geneva Convention-- ls there anything in the Geneva Convention that will let a guy sleep?" "You were saying?" "Simply this--after the hostilities are ended, there will be such a thing as a war-crimes commission." "If the man should be convicted without proper proof, you will be held responsible, Oberst Von Scherbach." "Interesting." "Isn't it?" "Very well." "If you insist on details, I have ways of finding out about that blasted time bomb." "Good day, sir." "You will forgive me for receiving you like this." "Perfectly all right." "I do not like boots." "Schulz!" "Jawohl." "Wie ist es môglich das dieser Amerikaner eine Bombe bei sich hatte?" "Er wurde doch bei der Gefangennahme untersucht." "Jawohl, Herr Kommandant." "Finden sie es heraus und zwar sofort." "Zu Befehl, Herr Kommandant." "[Humming Jingle Bells]" "I believe it." "I believe it." "Let's have your dog tags for the Christmas tree." "You don't think you're going to eat that stuff." "We're building a smudge pot so Patton can find us when he comes." "20 parts of cellulose, 1 part phosphorous." "Watch." "He'll be able to see our smoke signal 4 miles away." "But Patton is 400 miles away." "Well, I say be prepared." "O.K., boy scout." "Hey, look what we got." "[Harry] The phonograph!" "Put it down here, boys." "We made a deal with Barracks 1." "Now, where's that distillery?" "Over here, boys." "Let's have that distillery." "Come on." "We swapped it for the phonograph." "Any objections, Sefton?" "Take it." "[Music Plays]" "Hey, Price, any news on Dunbar?" "He's still at the kommandant's office." "That's all I know." "Don't worry." "¶ When Johnny comes marching home again ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ We'll give him a hearty welcome then ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ The men will cheer, and the boys will shout ¶" "¶ The ladies, they will all turn out ¶" "¶ And we'll all feel gay ¶" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home ¶" "¶ Get ready for the jubilee ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ We'll give the hero three times three ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ The laurel wreath is ready now ¶" "¶ To place upon his royal brow ¶" "¶ And we'll all feel gay ¶" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home ¶" "¶ Let love and friendship on that day ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ Their choicest treasures then display ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ And let each one perform some part ¶" "¶ To fill with joy the warrior's heart ¶" "¶ And we'll all feel gay ¶" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home ¶" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home again ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ We'll give him a hearty welcome then ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ The men will cheer, and the boys will shout ¶" "¶ And the ladies, they will all turn out ¶" "¶ And we'll all feel gay ¶" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home ¶" "¶ And we'll all feel gay ¶" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home ¶" "[Cheering]" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home again ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ We'll give him a hearty welcome then ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ Oh, the men will cheer, and the boys will shout ¶" "¶ The ladies, they will all turn out ¶" "¶ And we'll all feel gay ¶" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la, la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la, la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la, la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la, la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home again ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ We'll give him a hearty welcome then ¶" "¶ Hurrah, hurrah ¶" "¶ Oh, the men will cheer, and the boys will shout ¶" "¶ And the ladies, they will all turn out ¶" "¶ And we'll all feel gay ¶" "¶ When Johnny comes marching home ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la, la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la, la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la, la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la, la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la- la-la-la-la-la ¶" "¶ La-la-la-la-la-la ¶¶" "This kid's too good for me." "Let's see how good he is." "Same stakes?" "Sure." "Go ahead." "Say, that's not bad." "Where'd you learn your pitching?" "From the farmer's daughter." "Something I was meaning to ask you about security." "Shoot." "We're having a tough time hiding stuff from the Krauts, like our escape equipment." "We're always looking for new devices." "Uh-huh." "Looks like you found one." "Me?" "The lieutenant hid a time bomb on him, right?" "Even carried it through prisoners' search." "Where did he hide it?" "Right in his pocket." "The old cigarette-match gag." "What's that?" "You take a book of matches, light a cigarette, slip it in." "It takes about three minutes for the cigarette to burn down, then it sets off the matches." "Simple." "Some time bomb." "Hey, that's a ringer." "¶ O come ye ¶" "¶ O come ye ¶" "¶ To Bethlehem ¶" "¶ Come and behold Him ¶" "¶ Born the King of angels ¶" "¶ O come let us adore Him ¶" "¶ O come let us... ¶" "Don't forget the corkscrew." "¶ O come let us adore Him... ¶" "And have a cigar." "Thanks." "¶ Christ the Lord ¶" "¶ O come all ye faithful ¶" "¶ Joyful and triumphant ¶" "¶ O come ye ¶" "¶ O come ye ¶" "¶ To Bethlehem ¶" "¶ Come and behold Him ¶" "¶ Born the king... ¶" "Here's a present for you, Joey." "Take it." "Take it." "It's Christmas, Joey." "Merry Christmas to Joey from the gang." "¶ Let us adore... ¶" "Open it." "¶ O come... ¶ l'll open it for you." "¶ Adore Him... ¶" "Come on, Joey, play." "¶ The Lord ¶" "¶ O come all ye faithful ¶" "[Plays Ocarina]" "¶ Joyful and triumphant-- ¶¶" "[Siren]" "Air raid!" "Air raid!" "Everybody out of the barracks!" "Oh, not on Christmas Eve!" "For your own good, you must get out!" "And put out those candles!" "[Hoffy] Come on, let's hit the slit trenches." "[Triz] I'll bet it's a phony again." "[Pirelli] The Pentagon will hear about this one!" "I'm not really built for war." "Everybody out!" "Quick!" "Raus mit euch!" "Raus!" "Hey, what's the matter with you?" "You want to get killed?" "Not particularly." "Hey, you, too!" "Outside with you!" "Must you two always be the last?" "You try jumping in those trenches first." "Everybody jumps in on top of you." "How do you think I got my hernia?" "[Coughs]" "Go on, let's go." "Was ist?" "Haben sie's nicht herausgefunden?" "Doch. ich weiß alles." "Wie hat er's gemacht?" "Ganz einfach." "Zigaretten..." "Streichhcelzer..." "Passen sie auf." "Ach so." "Ach so!" "Ach so." "So it got to be Christmas Day in Stalag 17." "If you ask me, it was more like the 4th of July, with all the fireworks that were to go off all at once and bust the camp wide open." "It sure started off innocently enough with a party going on in every barracks." "[Phonograph Plays]" "¶ l love you ¶" "¶ l love you ¶" "¶ ls all that I can say ¶" "¶ l love you ¶" "¶ l love you ¶" "¶ The same old words ¶" "¶ l'm saying in the same old way ¶" "¶ l love you ¶" "¶ l love you ¶" "¶ Three words that are divine ¶" "¶ And now, my dear ¶" "¶ l'm waiting to hear ¶" "¶ The words ¶" "¶ That make you mine ¶¶" "Come on, Animal, let's trip the light fantastic." "Leave me alone." "Ah, you don't want to cry over a dame that doesn't even know you're alive." "There comes a time in every man's life when he wants to be left alone, so go away." "All right, who wants the Queen of the May?" "How about you, handsome?" "You look like Cary Grant." "You want to dance with me?" "[imitating Grant] Well, I'd love to, Queenie, but one of the other girls asked me first." "Bye, darling." "Bye." "Any cigars left, Cookie?" "Come on, Cookie, get me a cigar." "What's the matter?" "You on their team now?" "You think I'm the guy?" "I don't know what to think anymore." "I understand how you feel." "Sort of rough, one American squealing on other Americans." "Then again, Cookie, maybe that stoolie's not an American at all." "Maybe he's a German the Krauts planted in this barracks." "They do that sometimes." "Just put an agent in with us." "A trained specialist." "Lots of loose information floating around a prison camp." "Not just whether somebody's trying to escape, but what outfit we were with, where we were stationed." "How our radar operates." "Could be, couldn't it?" "In this barracks?" "Why not?" "Just one of the boys, sharing our bunks, eating our chow." "Right in amongst the ones that beat me up." "Except he beat hardest." "Who is it?" "That's not the point, Cookie." "The point is, what do you do with him?" "Do you tip your mitt, and the Jerries pull him out of here and plant him in someplace else?" "Or do you kill him off, and the Krauts turn around and kill off the whole barracks, every one of us?" "So what do you do?" "Who is it?" "If you don't w-want to tell me, why don't you tell Hoffy or Security?" "Yeah..." "Security." "[Song Ends]" "[Applause And Cheering]" "What's keeping Hoffy?" "Why don't we get any news about Dunbar?" "He'll be back." "They got no proof." "Come on, boys..." "Soft and sweet." "[Song Begins Again]" "Beguile me." "Betty..." "Betty..." "Betty..." "Betty..." "May I have this dance, miss?" "Why, sure." "Pinch me, darling." "Pinch me so I'll know I'm not dreaming." "Thank you, darling." "¶ l love you ¶" "¶ l love you ¶" "¶ Three words that are divine ¶" "¶ And now ¶" "¶ My dear ¶" "¶ l'm waitin' ta hear ¶" "¶ The words ¶" "¶ That make you mine ¶¶" "Did anyone ever tell you you had the most beautiful legs in the world?" "But it's not just your legs." "I'm crazy about that little nose of yours." "That cute little button of a nose." "Hey, Animal?" "Animal?" "I've been crazy about you for years." "I seen every picture you ever made... six times." "I just sit there... watching." "I wouldn't even open up the popcorn bag." "Animal..." "Animal, wake up." "Wake up." "Betty..." "Betty..." "Animal, this is me, Harry Shapiro." "Harry Shapiro!" "[Sobbing] Harry..." "[Crying]" "Cut the music!" "Cut the music!" "Cut it!" "At ease!" "At ease!" "Somebody cover the doors." "Now listen." "The S.S. men are here to pick up Dunbar." "They're taking him to Berlin, and it looks like he's finished." "Only he's not quite finished yet." "Hoffy and I have figured out a long shot." "I've got all the other barracks behind us." "What are you gonna do?" "Blondie, get that smudge pot." "Tie it to Steve's leg." "Now I want everybody out of here." "We'll need a lot of commotion out on the compound." "I'll get the men from the other barracks." "You don't think you can snatch Dunbar from the S.S.?" "We're sure going to make a stab at it." "Duke..." "Price..." "Stosh, Harry, meet at the north latrine." "You'll all get your posts." "Now everybody start drifting out, one by one." "Easy, boys, easy." "Disperse out there nicely." "And always remember, just because the Krauts are dumb, that doesn't mean they're stupid." "Ready?" "Roger." "O.K. Move out." "I don't know what your scheme is, but it sounds crazy to me." "It may be crazy, but it's better than having Dunbar dead." "I guess you're right." "How about me going out and keeping Schulz off-balance?" "Good." "I wouldn't worry about Schulz." "I'd worry about Sefton." "Remember me?" "I'm the stoolie." "You ain't going to squeal this one, brother." "No?" "Aren't you a little afraid to turn the stoolie loose on that compound?" "For a tip-off like this, you know what the Krauts would pay?" "You're going to stay here in the barracks, Sefton, and not a peep." "O.K., then put a guard on me." "I want you to put a guard on me, because if anything goes wrong out there, this time you won't have a patsy, right?" "Right." "So, who's going to watch me?" "Cookie?" "Nah, not Cookie." "Wouldn't you feel safer with Security on the job?" "O.K., Price, you stay here." "What about Schulz?" "We'll take care of Schulz." "Come on." "You, too." "[Joey Plays Ocarina]" "That's the boy, Joey." "Play us a little something." "What do you want to hear, Price," "Home On the Range?" "Or maybe a little Wagner?" "Or how about a game of pinochle?" "Nah, you're not a pinochle man." "You're a chess player." "I never knew much about the game." "Now, let's see." "Pawn moves this way... and the bishop moves this way... and the queen moves... every which way, doesn't it?" "Suppose you just sit down and keep your mouth shut?" "I went to school with a guy named Price." "That was in Boston." "You're from Cleveland, aren't you?" "Yeah, I'm from Cleveland." "I thought that's what you said." "You're from Cleveland." "And you were with the, uh, 36th bomb, uh, group?" "35th!" "The 366th bomb squadron out of Chelveston?" "Are you questioning me?" "Just getting acquainted." "I'd like to make one friend in this barracks." "Well, don't bother, Sefton." "I don't like you." "I never did, and I never will." "A lot of people say that, and the first thing you know is, they get married and live happily ever after." "I wonder what they're trying to pull out there." "[Whistling Wild Blue Yonder]" "Where was Dunbar?" "It sure drove the Krauts crazy looking for him." "They herded us all out into the compound and put some extra machine guns on us and gave us the old picture check-- checking our dog tags and our pans against their index file." "But nobody knew where Dunbar was hidden." "Nobody except Hoffy, and he wouldn't even tell us." "The Krauts searched under the barracks." "They searched the roofs." "They even searched the bathroom in the kommandant's office, but no Dunbar." "Then they tried to smoke him out, throwing tear gas into every barracks, just in case he was hiding in the rafters." "Then they made us stand for six hours until finally Von Scherbach came out and gave us his ultimatum-- lf Dunbar didn't come out by next morning, he'd tear down the whole lousy compound stick by stick!" "And if we'd sleep in the mud for the rest of our lives, that was O.K. by him!" "He just couldn't figure how a guy could disappear and still be there, but Dunbar was there, all right." "He sure was there." "[Grrr]" "Let's have it understood." "This is going to be a rough deal, but one of us has to take Dunbar out of the camp tonight." "We'll draw one dog tag." "The guy who goes with it does the job." "It's going to be rough because the Krauts are expecting a move like this, and they put on extra guards." "Now, if anybody wants to withdraw, speak up." "Then we're all in on it." "Everybody but Joey... and you know who." "All right." "Who's the lucky one?" "Let me do it, Hoffy!" "You want to go?" "Nah. I just want to draw." "O.K. Draw." "Suppose we call this my tag?" "I'll take him out." "No volunteers, Price." "We're all in on it." "You guys elected me Security." "The way things have been going in this barracks, I guess I've done a poor job." "I want to make up for it." "That asking too much?" "We've all done a poor job of it!" "I still say this is my tag." "Any objections, Hoffy?" "Any objections, men?" " Not from me." " He can have it." "Who are we to argue with a hero?" "How about me latching on, Price?" "Three is a crowd, especially cutting your way through barbed wire." "Let's have the wire cutters." "Are the civilian clothes ready?" "Coming up." "Get to work on the trapdoor." "What do you say, Hoffy" "We hit the air raid trenches, then cut out back of Barracks 9?" "Better cut out back of the south latrine." "Why?" "'Cause that's where he is, in the water tank." "Good spot." "Well, with any luck, we may be in Krems by morning, maybe even catch a barge up to Linz." "Two packs of cigarettes say Dunbar never gets out of the compound." "Are you starting that again?" "Anybody cover?" "Somebody step on that crumb." "We warned you, Sefton." "Sure, you warned me." "You were going to slit the throat of that stoolie." "Here's the knife to do it with." "Only make sure you got the right throat." "We're looking at it." "Hurry up on that trapdoor." "Are you trying to gum up the works?" "That's right, or would you rather see Dunbar lying out there in the mud in the morning like Manfredi and Johnson?" "I've had my hands full keeping these guys from tearing you apart." "I called it last time, didn't I?" "Are we going to stand around listening to him until the Germans find Dunbar?" "The Germans know where Dunbar is." "[Hoffy] How do they know?" "You told them, Hoffy." "Who did?" "You did." "Are you off your rocker?" "Uh-huh." "Fell right on my head." "Sprechen sie Deutsch?" "No, I don't sprechen sie Deutsch." "Maybe just one word?" "Kaput?" "Because you're kaput, Price." "Will you get him out of my hair so I can go?" "To the kommandant's office and tell him where Dunbar is?" "I'll kill you for that!" "Shut up!" "Security officer, huh?" "Always screening everybody, only who screens you?" "Great American hero from Cleveland, Ohio, enlisted right after Pearl Harbor." "When was Pearl Harbor, Price, or don't you know that?" "December 7, '41!" "What time?" "6:00. I was having dinner." "6:00 in Berlin." "They were having lunch in Cleveland." "Am I boring you boys?" "Go on." "He's a Nazi, Price is." "For all I know, his name is Preissinger or Preisshoffer." "Oh, sure, he lived in Cleveland, but when the war broke out, he came back to the fatherland like a good little Bundist." "He spoke our lingo, so they sent him to spy school and fixed him up with phony dog tags." "He's lying to get himself off the hook!" "He said shut up." "You heard what he said." "O.K., Herr Preisshoffer." "Let's have the mailbox." "The what?" "The one you took out from the corner of your bunk and put in this pocket!" "Let me show you how they did it." "They did it by mail." "Mail?" "Little love notes between our security officer and Von Scherbach, with Schulz the mailman." "Here's the flag." "They used to put a loop in the cord." "Did you ever notice?" "And here's the mailbox." "Hollow black queens." "Cute, huh?" "They delivered the mail or picked it up when we were out of the barracks, like for appell." "And when there was a special delivery, they'd pull a phony air raid, like last night, for instance." "There wasn't a plane in the sky." "Or was there, Price?" "Hilfe!" "Hilfe!" "Hilfe!" "[Grrr]" "[Barking]" "[Muffled Screaming]" "Brother, were we all wet about you." "Forget it." "What are we going to do with him?" "Don't you know?" "Because I got my own ideas." "Let's have that civilian stuff." "I'll look pretty stupid in this, yodeling my way across the Alps." "Now let's have the wire cutters." "You taking Dunbar?" "You betcha." "There ought to be some reward money from Mama." "Say about 10,000 bucks' worth." "I told you boys I'm no escape artist." "For the first time, I like the odds, because now I got me a decoy." "What's the decoy?" "Price." "When I go, I want you to give me five minutes-- exactly five minutes to get Dunbar out of that water tank-- and then you throw Price out into the compound, nice and loud." "He'll draw every light from every goon tower." "It's our only chance to cut through." "Well, what do you say, Barracks Chief?" "He's right, Hoffy." "It's either Price or Dunbar." "He killed Johnson and Manfredi, didn't he?" "It's all yours." "What's the matter, Price?" "You said you were going to save Dunbar, so now you're getting your chance." "So long, Cookie." "You can have the department store." "So long, Sefton." "You're not disposing of those Russian broads, are you?" "Tell you what to do-- get yourself 100 cigarettes for the Kraut guards, then get yourself another face." "You could use a new one, too." "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Let's synchronize our watches." "It's 11:42, sharp." "Check." "Just one more word-- lf l ever run into any of you bums on a street corner, just let's pretend we never met before." "[Groaning]" "Shut off the moaning, or you'll have the machine guns on us." "Shut it off, Lieutenant." "[Shivering] My..." "legs are...frozen." "[Moaning]" "You'd better get that blue blood circulating, 'cause we're busting out of this stinkhole in exactly 1 minute and 20 seconds." "Sefton." "What did you expect, a St. Bernard dog?" "Not you." "Want some brandy?" "Yeah." "Who doesn't?" "Suppose we wait'll we hit the Waldorf Astoria?" "Huh." "O.K. it's on me." "You won't get off that cheap." "What are our ch-chances of busting out of here?" "We'll know in about 40 seconds." "Hold his leg up." "Just in case your Kameraden are hard of hearing." "30 seconds." "Get him up." "Stop shaking, Price." "There'll be no pardon from no governor." "Funny, ain't it?" "In your own Vaterland, by your own Soldaten." "[Muffled Screaming]" "Kid's got no sense of humor." "20 seconds." "Open the hatch." "What's the matter with you, Security?" "You were always so calm, especially when you let Manfredi and Johnson go out there." "8 seconds." "7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1..." "Go!" "[Cans Rattling]" "Hilfe!" "[Gunfire]" "Hilfe!" "[Sirens]" "Hilfe!" "Hilf" "Ich bin ein Deutsche!" "Ich bin ein Deutsche!" "This is it!" "[Guard Dogs Barking]" "Let's blow, Chauncey." "Let's." "All right, men, everybody back in their bunks." "Like nothing happened." "What do you know?" "The crud did it." "I'd like to know what made him do it." "Maybe he just wanted to steal our wire cutters." "You ever think of that?" "[Whistling When Johnny Comes Marching Home]" "SUBTITLES by " E S C A P E ""