"♪ Fixed  Synced by bozxphd.Enjoy The Flick ♪" "♪ FUN MUSIC STARTS UP ♪" "JOKER (OS):" "What's up, dog?" "BEETLE:" "What up?" "You bring the money?" "JOKER:" "Hell yeah." "BEETLE:" "I got three bucks." "We have five bucks." "That's not enough for a six-pack." "JOKER:" "Six pack?" "Damn, Beetle, you so fancy." "You want to drink it from a glass slipper, too?" "Or, how about" "I serve it to you on a nice, velvet pillow?" "BEETLE:" "Shut up, Joker." "I don't like that nasty-ass malt liquor you drink." "JOKER:" "Dude, two 40s we'll be cool." "It's enough, too, man, I thought you wanted to catch a buzz." "BEETLE:" "All right, whatever." "Whatever, whatever." "Go ask that guy right there." "JOKER:" "Man quit being a wussy and go ask him shy boy." "BEETLE:" "I'm not gonna ask him, you ask him." "JOKER:" "Come on, he's leaving." "BEETLE:" "Well go talk to him then, quick." "JOKER:" "Never mind, it's too late." "I'll ask the next person that comes by." "BEETLE:" "Hey, Sharky." "BEETLE:" "What's up, Sharky?" "SHARKY:" "What's up, suckers?" "SHARKY:" "How much we got, fools?" "JOKER:" "This." "BEETLE:" "Joker says he's gonna ask the next person that comes by." "JOKER:" "And that's you, Sharky." "You right on point, dog." "SHARKY:" "Sheesh." "Leave it to the master, fools." "Look at that..." "You fools just watch." "Cup check." "JOKER:" "Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoooooo!" "SHARKY:" "I'll ask anything from anyone, any time." "That's how I get what I want." "Not like you fools standing there holding your nuts." "Oh, shit." "It's Coach." "JOKER:" "Go ask him, Sharky." "BEETLE:" "It's summer vacation, he's got no authority over us now." "SHARKY:" "Nah man, but camp starts in a few days." "Nah, just be cool, be cool." "COACH:" "Rodriguez." "Hope you take care of that arm." "You're gonna need it this season." "SHARKY:" "You know it, Coach." "I feel good." "COACH:" "Good, good, son." "What are you guys up to?" "SHARKY:" "Just hanging out, Coach." "COACH:" "Just hanging out?" "JOKER:" "Yup, hanging out." "SHARKY:" "Yeah, just chillin." "COACH:" "Chillin, huh?" "BEETLE:" "Chilly-chill." "Chilled out." "Just chillin' like a cold beer... which I don't drink." "We don't drink beer..." "COACH:" "Come on, guys." "I know what you guys are up to." "I was your age once." "You want someone to score you some beer that has ID?" "SHARKY:" "What?" "Oh, beer?" "Nooo!" "No Coach, we're under age!" "COACH:" "Give me the money." "Give me the money, I'll get the beer." "SHARKY:" "You serious?" "COACH:" "You want the beer or not?" "What, do you think I'm running an undercover sting operation?" "NERVOUS LAUGHTER" "COACH:" "Just give me the money." "SHARKY:" "All right, here you go." "COACH:" "So you guys want, a 12-pack or something?" "JOKER:" "Yeah, yeah." "SHARKY:" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah, a 12-pack would be cool." "BEETLE:" "Did that just happen?" "JOKER:" "Can you believe that, ay?" "SHARKY:" "The man is buying us some beer." "JOKER:" "Oh, yeah." "BEETLE:" "This is gonna be the best summer ever." "Oh, shit." "SHARKY:" "Cool, just be cool man." "Just be cool." "We're just, we're waiting for our ride, all right... we're just waiting for our ride." "BEETLE:" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "JOKER:" "Don't look at him." "SHARKY:" "He's looking right at us." "BEETLE:" "I'm texting." "JOKER:" "Don't look at him." "SHARKY:" "Don't look suspicious." "BEETLE:" "Texting's not suspicious." "SHARKY:" "He's looking right at us." "JOKER;" "Bro, don't move." "Stop moving." "SHARKY:" "Oh my God he's got a big gun." "That's a big gun." "Woah!" "JOKER:" "Oh man!" "You got scared!" "SHARKY:" "No!" "You got scared!" "Bro, I was looking " "BEETLE:" "Yo, both of you got scared." "SHARKY:" "I was just stretching, man." "JOKER:" "Man, I went like this." "I went like this." "SHARKY:" "Sir..." "Man I was pitching!" "I was just stretching my arm out." "You know?" "Whoosh!" "BEETLE:" "Whatever, you were sketch." "JOKER:" "Scared, dude!" "BEETLE:" "Hey, here comes your Coach, here comes Coach." "SHARKY:" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hold up." "Hold up." "BEETLE:" "Here comes, here comes." "COACH:" "One for me, and this one's for you gentlemen." "Got you my favorite brand." "SHARKY:" "All right thanks Coach!" "Good looking out!" "BEETLE:" "Sharky, this is non-alcoholic beer." "SHARKY:" "What?" "For real?" "Oh, hell, no, that's not cool." "JOKER:" "Man, this is the last of our money." "I thought he was being cool." "He's culero." "Forget what I said." "Coach we hate your guts!" "We think you suck!" "COACH:" "Yeah, yeah." "SHARKY:" "Hey, Coach, whassup?" "Why you gotta do us like that?" "COACH:" "Rodriguez, I'm doing you a favor." "You're a good athlete." "But you're smarter than that." "You could be somebody." "Hang out with these 2 clowns, trying to score beer, you're not gonna get anywhere." "SHARKY:" "Yo, first of all coach, those 2 clowns over there - those are my homies, right?" "And I'll tell you right now" "I am somebody and I don't need your pinche validation or your stupid-ass non-alcoholic beer." "COACH:" "Don't you understand it, just control yourself!" "SHARKY:" "Man, get off me!" "Psssh!" "COACH:" "That's it." "You're cut from the team." "SHARKY:" "Yo, have fun with that magazine, huh?" "COACH:" "Don't even worry about coming to camp, son." "POLICE OFFICER:" "Freeze!" "SHRIEKING" "JOKER:" "You once had a wet dream about Mr. T." "And that's true and you know it." "BEETLE:" "Bullshit." "JOKER:" "Remember that time we went on a class field trip to Yosemite?" "BEETLE:" "When we were, like, 12?" "JOKER:" "That's right." "Remember, you woke up screaming one night, saying Mr. T. was gonna get you from behind cabron." "BEETLE:" "I remember." "No, no, that was a nightmare." "I had a dream that I stole Mr. T's van and he was gonna put the hurt on me." "But anyway, moron, that's not what a wet dream means." "JOKER:" "Whatever you say puto I guess Mr. T." "Was just putting a hurting on you." "SHARKY:" "My god, can you both of you just shut up?" "Look, I just got kicked off the team." "I lost my bat, my glove." "You ask me, both of y'all are gay." "I've never seen either one of you with a girl." "Either that or you're both virgins." "JOKER:" "Shit no, I ain't no virgin!" "I got laid last summer in church camp." "BEETLE:" "Humping your Mayor McCheese pillow doesn't count, Joker." "SHARKY:" "Look, fool, there's Felicia." "♪ ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC ♪" "JOKER:" "All right, cool, Beetle, she ain't gonna bite you." "She ain't no Mr. T, but you got to give girls a try sometime." "FELICIA:" "Is that Beetle?" "GIRL ♪1:" "I don't know." "FELICIA:" "Yeah." "Hey, Beetle." "What's up?" "SHARKY:" "She sees you." "She's waving, wave back, fool." "BEETLE:" "Hi, Felicia." "MUSIC OUT" "FELICIA:" "Oh my god." "Are you all right, Beetle?" "SHARKY:" "What's up, man?" "BEETLE:" "I'll survive." "SHARKY:" "Direct hit." "We're gonna be over there." "FELICIA:" "Oh, my god, are you okay?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah." "Ow." "FELICIA:" "You have..." "let me see." "What happened?" "BEETLE:" "I got a boo-boo." "FELICIA:" "Damn, Beetle." "You got really banged up." "BEETLE:" "I'm okay, it only hurts when I move any part of my body." "FELICIA:" "I'm serious." "Beetle." "I'm worried about you." "BEETLE:" "Why would you be worried about me?" "FELICIA:" "Beetle, I've known you since like first grade." "And you're always so nice and so smart." "And you probably don't know this, but I used to copy your answers in Mr. Gamba's class." "BEETLE:" "I knew it." "FELICIA:" "Hahahaha." "BEETLE:" "Having you lean over my left shoulder was the best thing that ever happened to me in the 5th grade." "BEETLE:" "Oh, ow." "FELICIA:" "Careful." "Where does it hurt?" "BEETLE:" "Oh, not there, a little lower." "FELICIA:" "Here?" "BEETLE:" "Not there, a little to the right." "FELICIA:" "Here?" "BEETLE:" "No, just a little bit lower." "(LAUGHS) Ow." "FELICIA:" "Beetle, you're such a dog." "BEETLE:" "I'm just playing." "Help me up." "Ow." "So what are you and your friends doing for the rest of the day?" "FELICIA We're going to my house, we're gonna to swimming." "BEETLE:" "You got a pool?" "FELICIA:" "Hm?" "You guys should come over." "My parents are out of town so..." "BEETLE:" "Yeah, ok, yeah, sure." "We, yeah, we can come over." "You want us to bring anything?" "FELICIA:" "You think you can score some Booze Farms?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah, of course I can." "FELICIA:" "Ok, well, we took a collection, so get some drinks and then we'll see you at my house in like about an hour?" "BEETLE:" "Ok." "All right." "Sounds good." "All right." "Bye, Felicia." "Yo, Sharky, Joker." "SHARKY:" "Yo, what's up?" "BEETLE:" "Let's go." "SHARKY:" "All right." "Later." "MAN:" "End Barrio Warfare." "End Barrio Warfare, End Barrio Warfare." "SHARKY:" "This guy." "MAN:" "End Barrio Warfare." "Oh, whassup, little homies?" "MAN:" "Watcha." "We're having a picnic at the park coming up." "It's for End Barrio Warfare project." "You guys should swing by, check it out." "You vatos staying out of gangs, right?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah, sure." "JOKER:" "I'm a lover, not a fighter." "MAN:" "Orale, that's what I like to hear, esse." "SHARKY:" "Hey, big homie." "MAN:" "What's that?" "SHARKY:" "Hey, if we promise to stay out of gangs, you think you can do a little something for us?" "MAN:" "Oh, yeah?" "What's that, little homie?" "SHARKY:" "Yo hey, could you score us some booze?" "MAN:" "Are you vatos out of your pinches minds?" "Don't you know alcohol kills you?" "That'll shrivel your liver." "Shrink your dick." "Make you do things you regret forever." "One minute you're doing drive-bys, and the next you're making out with vatos in a van." "And no one knows how that shit got started." "No one." "So that's... give me this!" "Give me my flyers back." "MUSIC UP" "SHARKY:" "Oh, damn." "Guys, I think I forgot something," "I got to go do some shopping." "JOKER:" "Yeah, shopping." "Come on, Beetle, let's go shopping." "BEETLE:" "Ok." "MUSIC OUT" "JOKER:" "Damn, she's hot." "BEETLE:" "I don't know, she might be out of our league." "JOKER:" "Oh, hell, no, not for Sharky." "Sharky's a man, he gets more poontang than Ellen De Generous." "SHARKY:" "All right, I'm going in." "SHARKY:" "If you're making a salad, may I make a suggestion?" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "A suggestion?" "Sure, babe, what is it?" "SHARKY:" "You should try the fresh zucchini, rather than the cucumber." "It's an aphrodisiac." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Oh really?" "You know, I really love zucchini." "SHARKY:" "Oh, now do you?" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Do you know what I like to do with a big, fat, juicy zucchini just like this one?" "SHARKY:" "Oh..." "What's that?" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "I like to take it in my hands." "SHARKY:" "Oh, that's nice." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "And then I take a big, nice, knife." "SHARKY:" "What, a knife?" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Oh, yeah." "SHARKY:" "Oh, whatcha gonna do with the knife?" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "I'm gonna slice it up, sautee it in butter, I never thought about using a zucchini in a salad before." "SHARKY: (LAUGHS)" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Hold on." "If I didn't know any better," "I'd think you were coming on to me." "SHARKY:" "What?" "Me?" "Come on to you?" "No (LAUGHS)." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Oh, excuse me." "SHARKY:" "No, no." "I'm just, no, I'm saying, I was just gonna ask a favor of you." "Um." "Me and my friends were trying to score some booze, and I lost my ID." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "You lost your ID?" "SHARKY:" "Yeah." "That's it." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "How old are you, kid?" "SHARKY:" "Oh, I'm of age." "I promise you." "I mean, normally I wouldn't even make a big deal about something like this." "My friend, Beetle's shipping off to Iraq tomorrow, and you know, it's just uh." "(LAUGHS) It's crazy." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Oh, dear." "He is?" "Where are your friends now?" "SHARKY:" "Beetle." "Joker." "They're over there." "Yeah, yeah, the big one's Joker and the skinny one's." "Beetle." "BEETLE:" "Hi." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Hi." "BEETLE:" "We're just getting some apples." "So we... to go with our uhm, our beer." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Mmm hmm, I see." "SHARKY:" "Thanks a lot, I appreciate it." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Hey, not so fast, mister." "If I agree to get your booze for you, you have to carry my groceries home for me." "Deal?" "SHARKY:" "Yeah." "Deal." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Ok." "And I'll take the zucchini, uh, suggestion." "SHARKY:" "I'm telling you, you won't regret it." "♪ PORN MUSIC UP ♪" "SHARKY:" "Oh." "Yes, yes, yes." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Just put the stuff over there." "♪ PORN MUSIC OUT ♪" "And uh you boys can just help yourself to whatever you want in the refrigerator." "And you." "You can come with me." "BEETLE:" "Big old titties!" "BEETLE: (LAUGHS) What the hell?" "This Build a Bear workshop or something?" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Hmmm." "SHARKY:" "So, what's up?" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "How old did you say you were again?" "SHARKY:" "Uhm, uh ya know, I'm old enough to drive." "You know, but." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "We'll see about that." "Oh, you have a nice body." "Why don't you take your shirt off?" "SHARKY:" "Oh, wait oh, those feel nice." "SHARKY:" "Wait, what about my friends?" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "You mean the one that's going to Iraq?" "SHARKY:" "Uhm yeah, that one." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Uh-huh." "Well, you can tell them to get ready." "I'll take care of them later." "I want you all to myself." "SHARKY:" "Well" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Mmmmmmm." "SHARKY:" "I'll be right back." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "If you're gonna go out there, give this to them to put on." "Come right back." "SHARKY:" "Ok." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Ok?" "Um." "JOKER:" "Dude." "Hey, I bet Sharky's banging that MILF right now." "BEETLE:" "You think so, man?" "JOKER:" "Oh, yeah." "BEETLE:" "Hey, hey Joker." "Check this out." "JOKER:" "Oh yea!" "BEETLE:" "Grab my ears!" "Oh yeah what's my name?" "JOKER:" "Oh yeah!" "BEETLE:" "Finish me!" "Finish me!" "SHARKY:" "What are you idiots doing?" "Put that shit down man." "This lady's hot for us." "She's all over me, man." "Oh, and check this out." "She wants all of us to do her." "BEETLE:" "What?" "SHARKY:" "Oh, this is it, Beetle." "You ready?" "JOKER:" "Well, what are we waiting for?" "Let's go bone her already, Bro." "I'm ready for action." "SHARKY:" "Oh, no, just cool your jets," "Joker, look." "I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna handle my business." "I'm gonna come back out, get you guys, but you got to be ready." "All right?" "So take your clothes off right now." "Oh, and she wants you to wear this." "JOKER:" "I'm ready." "BEETLE:" "Are you serious?" "What is this?" "SHARKY:" "She wants you to wear it, man, what?" "You ready to be a man?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah." "Hell, yeah." "Yes." "SHARKY:" "All right, good, stop acting like a little bitch." "JOKER:" "I know, Beetle." "SHARKY:" "Oh, hey, and if she asks, you're shipping off to Iraq tomorrow." "Cool?" "BEETLE:" "Sir, yes sir." "JOKER:" "Private Joker reporting for duty sir." "JOKER:" "Take off your clothes, Beetle." "BEETLE:" "I'm going, man." "JOKER:" "Come on, just put your legs through it, hurry up." "BEETLE:" "Like this?" "What the hell?" "JOKER:" "Oooh. (MIMICS ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)" "BEETLE:" "It's not like that, like this." "(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING NOISE)" "♪ PORN MUSIC UP ♪" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Close the door." "Come on in." "That's right." "Come to Mommy." "I won't bite." "Unless you want me to." "Come on." "(SHARKY LAUGHS)" "Mmm, you're gonna be a lot of fun to play with..." "SHARKY: (HIGH-PITCHED) Mmm-hmm!" "MUSIC OUT" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Take your clothes off, sweetie." "JOKER:" "Oh shit, he's gonna get some sweet pupusa pie." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "You'd better wear this." "SHARKY:" "I don't think so." "JOKER:" "Sharky's a freeballer." "What a daredevil." "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "I thought you and your friends wanted to have fun?" "I guess I'll just have to put my clothes back on." "JOKER:" "Sharky, just put on the condom." "SHARKY:" "No, no, no wait." "Here, let me put it on." "JOKER:" "YES!" "ZUCCHINI LADY:" "Ooooo, it feels so good." "Damn." "JOKER:" "We're definitely going to get laid!" "MOANS CAN BE HEARD" "MUSIC UP" "COP:" "Honey?" "You ok?" "ZUCCHINI LADY: (MOANING)" "SCREAMS!" "COP Dammit, Nadine." "Not the bunny suit." "Stop or I'll shoot." "GUNFIRE IS HEARD." "MUSIC OUT" "GIRLS PERVERTS!" "FELICIA:" "Hell, no." "This ain't that kind of party." "(UNINTELLIGIBLE REMARKS) BEETLE:" "Wait Felicia." "We're running for our lives right now." "FELICIA:" "What are you talking about?" "BEETLE:" "He's gonna kill us." "FELICIA:" "Who's gonna kill you?" "GIRL:" "Don't listen to them." "These guys are way out of line, Felicia." "SHARKY:" "It was the Mafiosos." "They tried to jack us but we got away." "FELICIA:" "Is that what those shots were?" "Oh my god Beetle, I'm so sorry." "Are you okay?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah, but I could use some pants." "FELICIA:" "I'll get you my dad's pants." "All right." "GIRL:" "Nice bunny suit." "SHARKY:" "Wanna stroke my leg for good luck?" "FELICIA:" "Put them on." "COP OS:" "I'm gonna find you." "Trying to screw my wife when i'm at work!" "FELICIA:" "Get out." "BEETLE Wait." "FELICIA:" "All three of you." "Get out of here Beetle!" "FELICIA:" "Get out..." "SHARKY:" "Can I at least get a hot dog?" "Ok." "Ow." "GIRL:" "Can't believe it." "JOKER:" "Damn, the sidewalk's hot." "BEETLE:" "Damn, the foil is roasting my nuts." "You guys realize that once the story gets out," "I don't have to worry about my senior year, 'cos I won't be getting laid 'til I'm a senior citizen." "SHARKY:" "You're just being dramatic." "Hey, where you going?" "JOKER:" "That's a good idea, Beetle." "BEETLE:" "I don't want to be a fricking virgin for the rest of my life." "SHARKY:" "Look, relax, Beetle." "I got an idea." "All right, let's just get off the street before anybody else sees us." "Catch you guys later, all right?" "Damn homie, you need an extra-large, homes." "COP:" "Mrs. Ortiz?" "I'm looking for your son." "Is this your son?" "MOM: (SPEAKS SPANISH)" "COP Oh." "Ma'am." "I need you to understand me." "I'm looking for your son." "COP:" "Your son is in big trouble." "He's a sexual predator." "MOM:" "Sexo?" "COP:" "Yes." "Sexo, sexo." "I caught him and his buddies trying to screw my wife." "He's a pervert." "Perverso, perverso." "COP No." "No badge number." "I'm not looking for any trouble." "Just let your son know that I'm looking for him." "COP:" "Suck a key to you too, lady." "MOM:" "Benjamin?" "BEETLE:" "Yes, Mommy." "BEETLE:" "I was working out." "BEETLE:" "No, Mom, stop." "BEETLE:" "Told you, I was out working out." "I'm trying out for wrestling next year, and I got to make the weight." "BEETLE:" "The cops came here?" "BEETLE:" "No, Mom, no problems." "Why did they come?" "BEETLE:" "Huh." "Mom, why are you wearing that?" "BEETLE:" "How many times have I told you, if you can't read English, don't wear these shirts." "BEETLE:" "That's probably what the cop was talking about, Mom." "MOM:" "Oh." "JOKER:" "Dang, I cant play in these boots." "BEETLE:" "That's H-O-R for you, son." "SHARKY:" "Always knew you were a big whore." "JOKER:" "Screw you, buddy boy." "You ruined Easter for me forever." "SHARKY:" "Hey, that cop really go to your pad?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah." "I guess he found my ID in my pants or something." "Just a matter of time before he busts me." "SHARKY:" "Busts you for what that his wife's a nympho." "Worst thing he'll probably do is whoop your ass." "BEETLE:" "Thanks, man." "The worst thing is that those are my best pants." "JOKER:" "I know, and my shoes?" "BEETLE:" "Look at these raggedy-ass kicks." "How'm I suppose to find girls wearing these?" "SHARKY:" "Yo, relax." "Didn't I tell you guys I got a plan?" "BEETLE:" "Your last plan almost got us shot." "SHARKY:" "You know what, never mind, then." "You guys are too immature for this, anyway." "JOKER:" "What are you talking about, I could grow a mustache in 3 days." "BEETLE: (LAUGHS) He gets it from his mother." "JOKER:" "Whatever, dude." "You're just mad 'cos you're hung like a toddler." "BEETLE:" "Shut up, puto, it's your shot." "Hey, and don't blame your Banda boots this time." "Ha-ha." "JOKER:" "Damn!" "SHARKY:" "Look if we pull this off, we're guaranteed to get laid, 100%." "BEETLE:" "One hundred percent - even Joker." "SHARKY:" "Even Joker." "JOKER:" "Even me?" "SHARKY:" "Hell, yeah." "BEETLE:" "Man, I hope you're not talking about a hooker." "SHARKY:" "No, I'm not talking about some common streetwalkers." "I'm talking about classy ladies who know how to treat a man." "BEETLE:" "And where are we supposed to find them?" "SHARKY:" "You ever heard of a place called Lola's Love Shack?" "BEETLE:" "Man, that place ain't real." "JOKER:" "Yeah, I heard they closed that place down years ago." "SHARKY:" "Not true, my brothers, not true." "The place went underground, but it's still around." "We just got to figure out where they moved to." "BEETLE:" "And how we supposed to do that?" "SHARKY: (MOCKING) You know you guys sound like a bunch of pussies right now?" "Look, I'm telling you the place is real, and it's just waiting for us." "We just need some fake ID's and we will be treated like kings." "JOKER:" "Like kings?" "SHARKY:" "Well, in your case, like a dirty little princess." "JOKER:" "Oh, you got me on that one, Cotton Tail." "BEETLE:" "Well, how'd you find out about this place?" "SHARKY:" "You know, my brother used to tell me about it." "Before he got sent up to the Pinta." "You know, but all the old men in the neighborhood here?" "They know about it, but they keep it hush-hush, 'cos they know it's some sweet shit." "Look, I'm telling you virgins, you want to become men?" "This is the best way." "But if you want to keep playing pocket pool and dreaming about Felicia, then go right ahead." "Ha-ha-ha." "BEETLE:" "All right." "I'm down with it." "JOKER:" "I'm in, too." "Ok, guys, this right here is for the ladies." "♪ MUSIC UP ♪" "BEETLE:" "HORSE!" "JOKER: (LAUGHS) Oh, wait wait wait, Mafiosos." "Mafiosos." "Here comes Trouble." "SHARKY:" "Oh man, yo guys, just be cool, all right I'm gonna handle this." "Hey, whassup, Trouble?" "TROUBLE:" "What's going on, little vatos." "Whatchu looking at?" "BEETLE:" "Nothing." "TROUBLE:" "Let me talk to you over here, little homie." "SHARKY:" "All right." "JOKER:" "I like your tattoo, man." "BANGER:" "Man shut up, ain't nobody talking to you." "Shut up." "SHARKY:" "Yo, whassup, Trouble?" "TROUBLE:" "Why you hang around with these fools anyway?" "SHARKY:" "Oh, man, those guys are like my brothers." "TROUBLE:" "Your brothers?" "Look, your brother was one of us, all right, your real brother." "I heard you got jumped today." "SHARKY:" "What?" "No, man, I didn't get jumped." "TROUBLE:" "Oh, really?" "I heard you got your ass handed to you, and don't be insulting my intelligence, all right?" "Who got your back?" "We do." "And if you ever need anything, you give me a call, all right?" "We got you." "SHARKY:" "Oh man that's cool." "You know but everything's handled man." "I'm straight." "TROUBLE:" "Oh, really?" "Is that why you got caught in your chonies today?" "You know, it's real dangerous out there, homie." "You better think about it." "SHARKY:" "Yeah." "I mean, yeah, you're right." "TROUBLE:" "I am right." "You take care of yourself, all right?" "SHARKY:" "Cool." "TROUBLE:" "Stay away from them clowns, man." "They ain't no good." "SHARKY:" "Yeah, aight." "They're no good." "TROUBLE:" "Hey, homies, let's roll out of here." "BEETLE:" "What'd they want?" "SHARKY:" "Oh, nothing, man." "They just... they just think 'cos my brother got jumped into their gang, that I will, too." "JOKER:" "We got your back, bro." "SHARKY:" "Yeah, ok." "All right, look." "So tomorrow, we get our fake IDs if we're gonna accomplish this mission." "They're gonna be $50 each." "Cool?" "Give me a sweet poon-tang on three." "Three." "ALL:" "Sweet poon-tang." "POP:" "You're late for rehearsal, Mijo." "JOKER:" "I know, I'm sorry Pop." "POP:" "And you're wearing your Banda boots outside the house!" "You know they're strictly for competition." "Now go get dressed, Mijo." "We got a big show at the swap meet coming up." "It's about time." "Ok, places everyone." "♪ MUSIC UP ♪" "POP:" "Remember, focus." "Smile." "Ok, how many counts was that?" "(COUNTING SOFTLY) 5,6,7,8,5,6,7,8,5,6,7,8." "Turn." "And again." "♪ (IN SPANISH) Wave that moves ♪ ♪ That moves it moves Surge ♪" "♪ Wave that moves As Hawaiian skirt Surge ♪" "♪ Brincale pa ca." "Brincale pa ya Da la media vuelta, y vuelve a brincar ♪" "♪ Brincale pa ca." "Brincale pa ya Da la media vuelta, y vuelve a brincar ♪ y vuelve a brincar ♪" "♪ Wave that moves That moves it moves Surge ♪" "♪ Wave that moves as Hawaiian skirt Surge ♪" "♪ Brincale pa ca." "Brincale pa ya da la media vuelta, y vuelve a brincar ♪" "♪ Brincale pa ca." "Brincale pa ya Da la media vuelta, y vuelve a brincar ♪" "MUSIC CONTINUES" "PHONE RINGS" "BEETLE:" "Oh, shit." "Felicia." "FELICIA:" "Hey, Beetle." "BEETLE:" "Hey." "FELICIA:" "Beetle, I am so sorry." "I just wanted to call to apologize." "BEETLE:" "What?" "FELICIA:" "Sharky told me what you did." "BEETLE:" "He did?" "FELICIA:" "Yep." "(LAUGHS) I think it's pretty cool." "And you're a good friend to risk your life like that." "BEETLE:" "I am?" "FELICIA:" "Yeah." "He told me how you waited outside when they went in, and how you even tackled the cop when he tried to shoot Sharky." "BEETLE:" "Sharky told you this?" "FELICIA:" "Yeah." "Why didn't you tell me?" "BEETLE:" "I didn't want to brag about it." "FELICIA:" "Anyhow, I, I just wanted to apologize." "Is there any way I can make it up to you?" "BEETLE:" "I don't know." "It's pretty jacked up, sending us out there wrapped in foil like that." "FELICIA:" "I know." "I'm so sorry." "BEETLE:" "Well, what are you doing tomorrow?" "FELICIA:" "Nothing." "BEETLE:" "You want to meet up at the park tomorrow, like you can bring your friends if you want." "FELICIA:" "Ok." "BEETLE:" "Uhhh... 3:30?" "FELICIA:" "Ok." "See you there." "BEETLE:" "Ok." "Bye, Felicia." "(LAUGHS) Yes." "Mom!" "I need you to iron my clothes real quick." "DAD:" "Ah, Vieja, You make the best chili rellenos." "GIRL:" "They're delicious, Mom." "MOM:" "Im glad you like them." "Octavio?" "You barely touched your food!" "Is something wrong?" "JOKER:" "Well, I kind of have a problem." "MOM:" "What is it?" "JOKER:" "Well, I don't have any money." "I need like $50." "MOM:" "What do you need $50 for?" "JOKER:" "For a date." "POP: $50 for a date?" "What is wrong with you?" "Can't you just take her for a walk around the block or something?" "JOKER:" "A walk?" "MOM:" "Calmate Viejo." "POP:" "Girls, girls, girls." "When are you gonna learn?" "Banda first, and the girls will follow." "How do you think I got your mother?" "Oye, Octavio." "I earned this money on the lottery ticket." "I was gonna put this money in the jar for our gazebo fund." "This is just one step closer to building a gazebo in our backyard, so we can play our Banda music and have parties." "You know, great fun for the whole family." "But if you think it's more important to spend this money on some girl, then you can be selfish and take this money for your date." "Son of a... ♪ MUSIC UP ♪" "Woke up in the morning got me a warning." "Mama say you better not get in trouble." "It's a nice summer day but if you go astray." "I'm gonna have to come bust your bubble but I'm out the door I got no time to hear it." "I'm out the door to where my troubles can't find me no more." "I know you think you've got all the (LYRIC UNKNOWN) they ain't on the corner with my homeboys goin' to nowhere." "Walked down the street?" "What did I see?" "The homies were writing graffiti." "Colors so sweet on the hot concrete could'a' sworn I was still dreaming and I'm feeling high like my feet have left the ground." "Feel like I can fly and leave the world behind." "Guitar solo" "♪ MUSIC OUT ♪" "SHARKY:" "Damn, that sucked." "JOKER:" "Man, I can't believe you trusted that cholo." "He took the last of my bus fare." "BEETLE:" "We're screwed now." "Maybe we're just not meant to have fake IDs." "Maybe we just have to rely on our natural abilities in order to compete in the sexual food chain." "JOKER:" "Man, you watch so much nature channel." "ICE CREAM MAN: (WHISTLES) Boys!" "SHARKY: 'Sup?" "'Sup Paletas?" "ICE CREAM MAN:" "You know, I've been watching you boys for a while now." "Let me ask you something." "Why are you guys so desperate to get these IDs, huh?" "BEETLE:" "It's a long story." "SHARKY:" "Our friend, Beetle, here is a virgin." "ICE CREAM MAN:" "Oh, I see." "JOKER:" "And we need to take him to Lola's Love Shack to get his old sour cherry popped." "ICE CREAM MAN: (LAUGHS) Lola's Love Shack." "Yup." "That's where I found my 1st amor." "Yeah, she gave me the gift of love." "(LAUGHS) But anyway, that's what the doctor said." "BEETLE:" "Lola's is just a dream for us now." "ICE CREAM MAN:" "Let me see, now." "I hate to see three fine young boys like you guys go out without love." "You know what?" "I'm gonna hook you guys up." "BEETLE:" "Hook us up with what?" "ICE CREAM MAN:" "Fake ID's, stupid." "What do you think-I sell ice cream?" "(LAUGHS) Pendejo" "I got to make a living somehow, buddy." "You know what I mean?" "All right, first, we need to get some pictures." "BEETLE:" "Wait, we just got robbed, though, we don't have any money." "SHARKY:" "Hey, y'all hold up, Beetle." "I like to keep my money where no one will look for it." "BEETLE:" "But I thought he got your wallet?" "SHARKY:" "No, man, I just keep a couple of bucks in there as a decoy." "But I like to keep my big piggy bank tucked right underneath my ball sac." "It's a little sweaty, but it's just the top layer." "ICE CREAM MAN:" "Boy, that is disgusting." "Lucky for you, I'm a romantic." "So I'll take the cash for the pictures." "ALL:" "Hell yeah." "ICE CREAM MAN:" "Back up, back up." "All right." "Just gonna get some pictures over here." "Who's first?" "SHARKY:" "Beetle." "ICE CREAM MAN:" "All right, buddy." "Uh, listen, don't look so serious, you look like a refugee." "Smile a little bit." "There you go." "BEETLE:" "Damn, these look real." "SHARKY:" "Mine says Chase P. Nocha." "What name did you use?" "BEETLE:" "Oliver Coochie, coz that's all I'm gonna settle for." "(LAUGHS) JOKER:" "And I'm Sal T. Huevos." "That means I got the cojones." "SHARKY:" "Sounds more like you gotta air out your nuts." "JOKER:" "Man, look who's talking!" "I can't believe that guy even took your money." "You nasty." "BEETLE:" "Guys, will these IDs even work?" "SHARKY:" "There's only one way to find out." "JOKER:" "Hey, there's Lucy Loose Lips." "BEETLE:" "I heard they call her that 'cos she talks so much." "JOKER:" "Dude, you're an idiot." "They call her that because she blew the entire wrestling team." "Dumb ass." "What do we do, Sharky?" "SHARKY:" "All right, Beetle, looks like you're up to bat." "Go see if she wants to have some drinks with us." "JOKER:" "Hey, why do you always send this fool first?" "I got more game than him." "BEETLE:" "Not even, fool." "SHARKY:" "Dude, he's never gotten any." "You said you ain't a virgin." "JOKER:" "Oh, yeah." "Let the virgin go first." "Hey, Sharky." "SHARKY:" "Yo, what's up?" "JOKER:" "What does it feel like to get laid?" "SHARKY:" "You, too, huh?" "I knew it, fool." "Watch and learn." "BEETLE:" "Jonas Brothers, they're pretty good." "Are you into them or what?" "All right, you know what?" "Forget you, then." "The Jonas Brothers... they should be called The Bone Us Brothers, 'cos they look like they want it up the butt from an escaped convict." "LUCY:" "Sorry, I couldn't hear." "Were you saying something?" "BEETLE:" "Oh, the Jonas Brothers." "I'm nuts for them, like an escaped convict," "I love them." "LUCY:" "Oh, yeah?" "I love, love, love the Jonas Brothers." "BEETLE:" "Lucy, I'm Beetle, and I was just." "LUCY:" "You know my name?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah, we go to the same high school." "LUCY:" "We do?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah, it's cool." "I mean, well, I was just wondering if you wanted to have a drink with me and my friends?" "LUCY:" "You guys can score?" "BEETLE:" "Hell, yeah." "I've got an ID." "LUCY:" "My god, can you get me Booze Farms?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah, sure." "LUCY:" "I love Booze Farms." "Once, I drank a whole bottle and totally passed out." "And I wasn't even hung over the next day." "BEETLE:" "I'm impressed." "That's awesome." "LUCY:" "I think it's because we mixed it." "They got cranberry, mixed it with grape." "They call it crape." "But you don't have to get both, just grape is fine." "BEETLE:" "Ok." "LUCY:" "Do you like grape?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah." "I'll be right back, ok?" "LUCY:" "Ok." "BEETLE:" "All right." "LUCY:" "Hey." "It was really good running into you." "BEETLE:" "Yeah." "CLERK:" "I'm gonna need to see some ID." "BEETLE:" "Oh, yeah, yeah, sure." "Here you go. (VOICE CRACK)" "CLERK:" "Oliver Coochie?" "BEETLE:" "It's pronounced Kee-yoo-chee." "CLERK:" "Ky-oochie?" "BEETLE:" "Q-Chee." "CLERK:" "Coo-Chee." "BEETLE:" "Q-cheeee." "CLERK:" "Coochie." "BEETLE:" "Coochie." "CLERK:" "Coochie." "BEETLE:" "Yeah, that's it." "Kewchi." "CLERK:" "Coochie." "That'll be twelve dollars." "BEETLE:" "It should all be in there." "Thank you." "CLERK:" "Have a good day, Mr. Coochie." "BEETLE:" "Yeah, you too." "LUCY:" "If you guys want to have sex with me, you have to wear a rubber." "And one at a time, ok?" "I'm not a skank." "BEETLE:" "Huddle." "SHARKY:" "I don't know, guys." "I wouldn't touch it." "If I were you, I wouldn't touch it either." "BEETLE:" "Yeah, I'm gonna wait 'til Felicia gets here." "SHARKY:" "Oh, she's coming here man?" "She bringing her friends?" "JOKER:" "I don't give a damn." "I'm gonna go for it right now,." "SHARKY:" "Damn, fool, you don't even have a condom." "JOKER:" "What you think I'm an idiot?" "MAN:" "Dumb ass, this is a wet nap." "LUCY:" "Come on you guys, are we gonna screw or what?" "SHARKY:" "Hold on one second." "JOKER:" "I don't care, I'm going for it." "Move." "LUCY:" "Come here." "Show me what you're working with." "JOKER:" "No, you take off your top first." "LUCY:" "Ok." "Don't be shy Joker." "JOKER:" "Just go to sleep." "SHARKY:" "My head it spinning." "BEETLE:" "You all right?" "SHARKY:" "Oh." "Screwed up with the coach, man." "BEETLE:" "So what, man?" "Screw that guy." "SHARKY:" "Yeah, screw him, Screw me, screw everybody." "I'm screwed." "BEETLE: (LAUGHS) Ah Sharky, it's just a game man," "It's just a game, buddy." "SHARKY:" "Man, get off me, man." "Just a game." "BEETLE:" "Hey, what time is it?" "SHARKY:" "It's like 3:30." "BEETLE:" "Oh shit, she's gonna be here, soon, dude." "SHARKY:" "Right on, dog." "BEETLE:" "Hey, what about Joker?" "SHARKY:" "Well, what about him?" "Leave him." "BEETLE:" "Yo man, we got to stop him." "SHARKY:" "No, man." "BEETLE:" "I gotta stop him, man." "SHARKY:" "He's cool, man, he's cool." "BEETLE:" "Wait." "Joker, you better rethink this, man." "Joker, Joker." "Hey." "Hey, you better put your pants on, big boy." "Your date's passed out." "JOKER:" "What are you doing, dick head?" "You trying to pull my pants on, I'll pull your pants down." "BEETLE:" "I'm trying to put your pants back on, look." "Your date's passed out, and you're about to bone her with a wet nap." "JOKER:" "Oh, shit, Beetle." "You saved me." "I love you." "You're my favorite homie." "BEETLE:" "Yeah, I'm your favorite?" "JOKER:" "Oh, you saved me from making a terrible mistake," "Beetle." "My chorizo could have dried up, shriveled away or something." "BEETLE:" "Yeah." "You need to get up, though." "JOKER:" "No, no." "BEETLE:" "You should get dressed, man." "My pants are down." "FELICIA:" "Oh, my god." "You are a pervert." "Have fun with your tramp." "BEETLE:" "Wait, Felicia." "It's not what it looks like, I promise you." "FELICIA:" "I'm just tired of your stories." "You're just a complete dog." "JOKER:" "Oh." "Beetle." "BEETLE:" "Well, I guess that does it." "Felicia will never ever talk to me again." "SHARKY:" "Forget about Felicia." "Forget about Felicia." "BEETLE:" "I don't want to." "SHARKY:" "There's plenty of ho's out there, Beetle." "Look, at least our ID's worked." "Now we can get into Lola's." "BEETLE:" "How are we gonna get the money for that?" "SHARKY:" "I don't know." "But we're gonna roll up in style." "JOKER:" "Hey guys, I feel better now," "I puked it all out." "I feel great." "MAN:" "Your breath smells like Lucy's ass." "JOKER:" "So what, your breath smells like Hobo Dick." "SHARKY:" "Ok, ladies." "I got something to show you." "SHARKY:" "Check it out." "JOKER:" "Damn, this is nice." "BEETLE:" "That is bad ass, Sharky." "SHARKY:" "Yeah, it's my brother's." "I mean, he ain't using it." "Needs a little work." "Yeah, we fix this up, we're gonna get the royal treatment." "BEETLE:" "I'm sorry I ever doubted you, man." "This is bad-ass." "We're gonna get laid for sure now." "SHARKY:" "So." "The faith is back?" "BEETLE:" "Hell yeah." "Hey, I just got an idea." "I know how we can get the money to fix up the car and go to Lola's Love Shack." "JOKER:" "How we gonna get that kind of money?" "BEETLE:" "What are you talking about dumb ass?" "This is the land of opportunity." "In this country, if you want something, you get it." "Doesn't matter if you're short, fat, skinny, white, brown, black." "Legal or illegal." "If you want something, you get it." "You want to get laid?" "No, we will get laid." "We will go to Lola's Love Shack tomorrow." "JOKER:" "Are you serious?" "BEETLE:" "You guys should be at my place at 5AM tomorrow, bring some work clothes." "Get ready to live the American Dream." "JOKER:" "This ain't no American dream." "It's more like a Mexican nightmare." "BEETLE:" "Hey, hey." "Whatever buys a dream, buddy." "Right?" "SHARKY:" "Simone." "BEETLE:" "All right." "Right." "Right here, right here, right here." "MAN:" "Hey, guys." "I need ten guys, fifty bucks a day, anybody here speak English?" "BEETLE:" "I do, Senior." "Me speak-a the English." "MAN:" "All right." "Do me a favor, ask these guys if any of them have any experience with demolition and clean-up?" "BEETLE:" "Ok, yeah, yeah." "So sorry Senior." "MAN:" "What's he saying?" "BEETLE:" "He needs higher wages." "MAN:" "Higher wages?" "Are you shitting me?" "All right, I'll tell you what, tell 'em $70 is as high as I can go." "BEETLE:" "He wants a hundred." "MAN:" "A hundred?" "BEETLE:" "Senior, trust me." "We work twice as hard." "We get the job done." "MAN:" "All right, load 'em up." "All right, everyone's getting their seat belts on?" "♪ FUSION DANCE MUSIC ♪" "♪ FUSION DANCE MUSIC ♪" "♪ FUSION DANCE MUSIC ♪" "♪ FUSION DANCE MUSIC ♪" "♪ FUSION DANCE MUSIC ♪" "MUSIC OUT" "MAN:" "All right, man, great job today." "You really earned this." "Here you are." "SHARKY:" "Thank you, sir." "MAN:" "Good work." "BEETLE:" "Thank you." "Great job." "SHARKY:" "Got to hand it to you, Beetle." "You're a clever man." "BEETLE:" "I think I'll be a sports agent and negotiate your contracts for you." "SHARKY:" "Sh, you're hired, homie." "JOKER:" "Now I can afford a new silk shirt." "SHARKY:" "Now you can afford to get some boxers and shit." "Get rid of those banana hammocks." "JOKER:" "So what?" "At least I can fill them up." "SHARKY:" "You can't fill up a peanut shell." "JOKER:" "Shut up, fool." "BEETLE: (IN SPANISH) No, no, no it's all good." "WORKER: (IN SPANISH) Thank you friend, thank you." "WORKER:" "Hey man." "You know what you did for us?" "Any time you need us, you call me, ok?" "BEETLE:" "Ok." "WORKER:" "Gracias." "Gracias." "WORKER: (SPEAKS SPANISH)" "SHARKY:" "That guy likes you." "JOKER:" "Lola's Love Shack, here we go." "SHARKY:" "Oh, let's roll." "JOKER:" "I'm gonna go to her and tell her like this." "I want you to go down on me, girl." "I want you to do me right." "Then, I'm gonna put it in her grill and I'm like oh, yeah, oh, yeah." "Oh God, I'm coming, I'm coming." "Oh." "SHARKY:" "Hey, you morons stop playing around while I'm down there?" "All right, well, that's it." "Beetle, fire it up." "ALL: (CHEERS)" "BEETLE:" "Hey." "Let's go tonight." "SHARKY:" "How much we got?" "JOKER:" "This much." "SHARKY:" "Ok, that won't get us a midget's nipple at Lola's." "JOKER:" "You know what, guys?" "You guys stepped up." "So now it's time for me to step it up, too." "Trust me, guys." "I know where to get the money." "Tomorrow, we'll be Don Juans, because we're gonna do it 'til they don juan no more." "SHARKY:" "All right, just don't say that to the girls, all right, man?" "Hey, man." "I'm just telling you." "All right, ladies." "So go home, get some rest, for tomorrow, you will be men." "Sweet poon-tang on three right here." "Three." "ALL:" "Sweet Poon-tang." "JOKER:" "Sharky." "Whassup, doggie?" "BEETLE: 'Sup, dog?" "SHARKY:" "What are you all dressed up for?" "BEETLE:" "I want to look presentable." "JOKER:" "You look like you're going to a funeral." "BEETLE:" "Ha-ha, looks like Los Tigres Del Norte puked on your shirt." "JOKER:" "The women love this look." "It's silk, see how soft it is?" "BEETLE:" "Get off me." "That is pretty soft." "SHARKY:" "Ok, you ladies look very pretty tonight." "Let's roll." "Let's represent, Homies." "JOKER:" "Whoo-hoo, Lola's Love Shack." "JOKER:" "Whoo-hoo, Lola's Love Shack." "JOKER:" "Whoo-hoo, Lola's Love Shack." "JOKER:" "Whoo-hoo, Lola's Love Shack." "SHARKY:" "Woo hoo!" "Here we come!" "BEETLE:" "Looks like there's nothing here." "JOKER:" "Are you sure you got the right directions?" "SHARKY:" "Look, it's underground." "It's not supposed to be seen." "The guy said it was around here." "Look." "Door." "Beetle." "Knock." "BEETLE:" "I'm not gonna knock." "You go knock." "SHARKY:" "Joker, knock." "JOKER:" "Wait, and what do I say?" "SHARKY:" "Just tell him like the man said, you got a message for Lola, right?" "JOKER:" "All right, here goes nothing." "(KNOCKS)" "DOORMAN:" "Who is it?" "JOKER:" "I got a message for Lola?" "DOORMAN:" "Yeah, what's the message?" "JOKER:" "I got to tell her personally." "DOORMAN:" "Go away kid, there's no Lola here." "JOKER:" "Oop, she's not here, let's go." "BEETLE:" "Oh, oh, oh, wait, hold on." "We worked way too hard to get here." "We can't just leave now." "JOKER:" "It's the wrong place." "DOORMAN:" "Good night, Mr. Morales." "MR. MORALES:" "See you tomorrow night, Joey." "SHARKY:" "Hey, it's Paletas." "Hey Paletas!" "MR, RALPH:" "Hey, hey, who's that?" "SHARKY:" "What's up?" "Remember us?" "You told us about this place." "MR. RALPH:" "Oh my god (LAUGHS)." "It's the blue balls crew!" "How are you, boys?" "Hey, congratulations." "You found the place, huh?" "SHARKY:" "Yeah, we found it, but he won't let us in." "MR. RALPH:" "Well, did you tell him that you had a message for Lola?" "JOKER:" "Yeah, I told him that." "MR. RALPH:" "And did you mention that Benjamin Franklin wanted to talk to her?" "JOKER:" "No." "MR, RALPH (LAUGHS):" "Pandejos." "Boys." "A little money goes a long way, huh?" "Come on, snap out of it." "Look, I got to go." "Lola doesn't like crowds hanging around the place, hey?" "Good luck." "Get laid." "BEETLE:" "Thanks, man." "All right." "You heard the man." "Let's get inside." "SHARKY:" "Knock, buey." "DOORMAN:" "You again?" "SHARKY:" "Yeah, we have a message for Lola." "From Benjamin Franklin." "DOORMAN:" "Well, what is it?" "JOKER:" "I got a boner that needs your guidance." "DOORMAN:" "You little punk." "I'm gonna bash your face in." "SHARKY:" "Hey, what he meant to say is that he wants to tip you." "Generously." "DOORMAN:" "You better cool it with the smart-ass shit." "You got me?" "Come on." "Ok, this is how it's gonna go." "You're gonna go up there through those doors and see Lola." "You do exactly what she tells you to do." "She will introduce - don't touch that." "Don't touch anything." "All right." "And then she'll introduce you to the girls." "You boys are over 18, right?" "SHARKY:" "Of course we are." "DOORMAN:" "Yeah, yeah, show me your ID, my man." "BEETLE:" "I'm 23, though." "DOORMAN:" "Uh, yeah, I'm gonna hang onto these." "You can pick 'em up on the way out." "SHARKY:" "You got it, boss." "DOORMAN:" "Go upstairs." "Go." "Don't touch nothing, you little shits." "BEETLE:" "This is weird." "SHARKY:" "This is not how I imagined it." "JOKER:" "Where are the girls?" "LOLA:" "Somebody has a message for me?" "SHARKY:" "Yeah." "I have a boner that needs your guidance." "LOLA:" "Well, you boys got money?" "SHARKY:" "Sure do." "LOLA:" "Put it on the table." "What do you want?" "BEETLE:" "We want to meet some of your girls." "LOLA:" "Well, you found the place." "And you got in." "But I mean, I don't know who sent you." "So I'm gonna have to do a test." "Drop your pants." "SHARKY:" "I don't know lady, we put the money on the table." "We just want to meet the girls." "LOLA:" "You either drop your pants, or you go back home to your mamas." "BEETLE:" "All right." "Fine." "Let's just do it, guys." "LOLA:" "Oh, ok." "Not bad." "SHARKY:" "That tickles." "LOLA:" "Oh, very impressive." "BEETLE:" "Thank you." "LOLA:" "And even a haircut." "BEETLE:" "Thank you." "LOLA:" "Can you lift up your stomach?" "What do you think you're gonna do with that?" "JOKER:" "I'm a grower, not a show-er." "LOLA: (LAUGHS) I'm sorry, sonny." "Even my girls have standards." "SHARKY:" "Come on, lady." "We didn't come here to get insulted." "We just want to meet some of your girls." "LOLA:" "All right." "Buddy." "You got it." "Chicas." "BEETLE:" "Sharky, what do you want to do?" "SHARKY:" "I don't know, pick one." "BEETLE:" "All right." "Uhm I'll take that one on the right." "JOKER:" "That's the one I wanted." "BEETLE:" "Fine, I'll pick another one." "JOKER:" "Well, we can share if you want, Beetle." "BEETLE:" "Get off of me." "I want to remember this as a good time, not be scarred for life." "JOKER:" "Fine, then which one do you choose?" "BEETLE:" "I'll take her." "SHARKY:" "I don't know which one to pick." "My leg's shaking." "Uhm." "LOLA:" "We're gonna have a two-for-one special tonight." "Now, these girls are identical in every way." "Except one." "SHARKY:" "Two for one?" "Oh my God I love this place." "I'll take them." "LOLA:" "Hey, Mina, Cherry, twins, show these men to the back room." "CHERRY:" "Can I ask you a question?" "BEETLE:" "Sure." "CHERRY:" "Do you like my boobs?" "BEETLE:" "I think it's cute how they point in different directions." "CHERRY: (LAUGHS) Do they feel natural?" "BEETLE:" "They feel great." "CHERRY:" "Oh. (LAUGHS) So cute." "SHARKY:" "Hmmm." "Oh, ladies, I'm going to do things to you you've never had done before." "TWIN:" "Oh, you mean you're gonna (INAUDIBLE WHISPER)" "SHARKY:" "Um." "No." "Not that." "TWIN:" "You mean you're gonna pay us double?" "SHARKY:" "Not that, either..." "Yeah..." "JOKER:" "You're beautiful." "MINA:" "Oh, thanks." "I really like your shirt." "It's so soft." "JOKER:" "Look." "I got you something." "MINA:" "Oh." "What?" "JOKER:" "It comes from a clam." "MINA:" "I think you mean oyster." "JOKER:" "Really?" "MINA:" "Thanks." "But you shouldn't have." "JOKER:" "Sharky said you'll love a pearl necklace." "MINA (LAUGHS):" "Oh." "You're so cute." "But you really shouldn't be here." "No, I really like you." "It's just you really should be going." "It's Lola." "SHARKY:" "What was that?" "TWIN:" "That means we gotta go." "But we'll be right back." "So get ready for us, ok?" "SHARKY:" "Ok, I'm ready." "(LAUGHS) Oh, man, I get two of them." "JOKER:" "Oh, my God, she loves my shirt." "She gave me her number." "BEETLE:" "I'm starting to get nervous, guys." "SHARKY:" "What, nervous?" "What for?" "Just do whatever comes natural." "Whassup, homie?" "Whoa." "Hey, man, get off me." "(UNINTELLIGIBLE REMARKS)" "DOORMAN:" "And I better not catch you jag-offs back here again." "SHARKY:" "Man, open this door." "BEETLE:" "Come on, man, let's get out of here." "SHARKY:" "Man, get off me, man." "Open this door." "Get off me!" "I'll burn this place down." "BEETLE:" "Come on." "JOKER:" "Mina." "BEETLE:" "Come on." "JOKER:" "Man, I'm never gonna see Mina again." "SHARKY:" "Man, that was some bullshit." "You know, she never would have played us like that if we were rolling with the Mafiosos." "BEETLE:" "What a dumb ass move, man." "Can't believe I even listen to you." "SHARKY:" "Well, maybe I'm not as smart as you, Beetle." "Get off me." "JOKER:" "Oh, shit, here comes your stepdad." "STEPDAD:" "Where the hell did you go tonight?" "SHARKY:" "What's it to you?" "STEPDAD:" "What's it to me?" "Nothing." "Nothing at all." "You think you can just go out and do what you want, huh?" "SHARKY:" "Yeah, that's right." "STEPDAD:" "Yeah, and now that you fixed your brother's car, you can go out cruising and be like him?" "SHARKY:" "I'm not like him, John." "STEPDAD:" "You're a liar, Danny." "Your mother got a call today." "They said that you were kicked off the team for drinking." "You're a loser." "You're gonna end up in prison like Hector." "SHARKY:" "Why don't you shut your mouth?" "STEPDAD:" "Oh, you think you're bad now, huh?" "You think " "Come on!" "Come on!" "(LAUGHS) You little punk." "JOKER:" "Mr. Alba?" "You think we could get a ride home now?" "POP:" "Octavio, get over here right now." "Where is the gazebo money?" "JOKER:" "Somebody stole it?" "MOM:" "I found this in his pocket." "POP:" "You're kidding me?" "You spent the gazebo fund on hookers?" "MOM:" "How do you know it's hookers?" "POP:" "Never mind how I know." "This is about Octavio." "Look how upset you made your mother." "Now sit down." "JOKER:" "That's Sharky's." "MOM:" "Que cochino, Octavio." "SISTER:" "Yeah, you like hookers." "You're a cochino." "JOKER:" "Shut up." "WOMAN:" "Go to your room." "POP:" "The entire family is disappointed in you." "You have been selfish and thoughtless." "MOM:" "And a cochino." "POP:" "And a cochino." "We are seriously considering putting you up for adoption." "Now get out of our faces and get to your room." "You are officially out of the Banda." "BEETLE:" "Hey, Felicia." "Hello, Felicia." "Hello." "Hi." "Yo." "Yo, Felicia." "Look, about this pervert stuff." "Hi, Felicia." "You know I'm not really a pervert, right?" "I am not a pervert, Felicia." "I am not a pervert." "(ADULT VIDEO HEARD IN BACKGROUND)" "FEMALE ADULT VIDEO STAR (OS):" "Oh my god baby, it feels so good!" "GIRL:" "Oh my god, It's so big." "GIRL:" "I know (LAUGHS)" "GIRL:" "It scares me." "BEETLE:" "No way." "FELICIA:" "What the hell?" "Beetle." "What's wrong with you?" "BEETLE:" "Wait a minute, I came here today to apologize, and you're all watching a porno." "I'm the pervert?" "Would it be fair if I called y'all a bunch of sluts?" "FELICIA:" "You're not gonna come into my house and call me a slut." "GIRL:" "You must be tripping." "GIRL:" "Felicia, you just gonna let him get away with it?" "FELICIA:" "Wait a minute." "Let's hear him out." "BEETLE:" "Look, Felicia." "I know the way things are don't make me look too good." "These are for you." "Please." "Felicia." "Honestly, all I ever wanted was to get to know you better." "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever known, and I swear if you give me just one, just one more chance, I'll never do you wrong again." "FELICIA:" "What about Lucy Loose Lips?" "BEETLE:" "What about Lucy?" "Joker' the one that wanted her." "I was just trying to stop him before you got there." "I never wanted to touch Lucy." "I wanted" " I wanted to touch you." "I, I'm sorry." "I just." "FELICIA:" "Beetle, stop." "You had me at you're a bunch of sluts." "SHARKY:" "And they let you stay?" "BEETLE:" "Yep." "I ended up watching porn with them for 3 hours, dude." "It was hot." "SHARKY:" "That's crazy." "BEETLE:" "Hey, man, you didn't mean what you were saying about those Mafiosos, did you?" "SHARKY:" "Hell yeah, I did." "BEETLE:" "Dude, we can try to talk to the coach." "I mean, maybe he'll give you another chance or something." "SHARKY:" "Camp started today." "And I'm not there." "I'm off the team, I got nothing." "BEETLE:" "What are you talking about?" "SHARKY:" "I ain't getting outta the hood." "Baseball was my only shot." "BEETLE:" "You can still fix this, Sharky... what can we do?" "We got to think about something." "SHARKY:" "Well, Beetle, what do you know about my shit?" "You get good grades." "You can go to any college you want." "BEETLE:" "You have no idea what I have to go through, man." "You don't even know this but." "I'm not even a citizen." "SHARKY:" "What?" "Bullshit, man." "You're an illegal?" "Yeah, right." "I've known you since the first grade." "BEETLE:" "Mom brought me here when I was 2." "SHARKY:" "Damn." "You're a pinche mojado and nobody ever knew it." "BEETLE:" "Yeah, I can't let that stop me, though." "(HIP HOP GANGSTA MUSIC STARTS)" "SHARKY:" "I don't got time for that right now." "You better get out of here." "BEETLE:" "Are they coming to jump you in?" "SHARKY:" "Yo, get outta here, Beetle." "Yo, Beetle, get outta here, man." "TROUBLE:" "So, today's the day, little Sharky." "You're gonna be made a Mafioso." "Let's get ready to do this." "On three." "SHARKY:" "Hold up, let me tie my shoe." "TROUBLE:" "No, it's too late to turn back now." "One." "Two." "BEETLE:" "Hey!" "Let go of Sharky." "TROUBLE:" "Hey, get out of here, Beetle." "Ain't nobody trying to talk to you." "Come on homies, let's do this." "BEETLE:" "Oh yeah?" "Well, I got somebody that wants to talk to you." "TROUBLE:" "Is that right?" "Who's that?" "TROUBLE:" "What the hell is this?" "MAN:" "Hermano, it's time for us to have a talk man." "TROUBLE:" "Hey." "Where y'all going?" "MAN:" "Look at me, just look at me." "My walk, this ain't no pimp walk." "I got shot in the ass by my own homie, man." "My own homie shot me in the ass, friendly fire." "MAN:" "Do you have an Abuelita?" "Yeah, I know you do." "What if I went to your grandma's house and jumped her ass into my gang?" "How would you feel?" "How would you feel?" "MAN:" "You're a natural warrior, a natural leader of men." "And the more you realize that, the less you'e gonna kick and stab people." "Why you so low, brother?" "TROUBLE:" "You don't understand." "I like kicking and stabbing." "MAN:" "Come on, come on." "Let the healing begin, brother, let the healing begin." "SHARKY:" "Let's get out of here, bro." "JOKER: (SINGING) Oh, Mina, how I miss you." "You are my everything." "You're just like a flower." "SHARKY:" "Whassup, fool?" "BEETLE:" "Cheer up, man." "Your parents will get over it." "JOKER:" "No, man, my whole family's pissed at me." "If I don't pay back the gazebo fund, they'll never gonna let me back in the Banda." "BEETLE:" "Thought you hated doing that shit anyway." "JOKER:" "No, man." "I actually love it, ok." "I love the music, the outfits, the girls." "And now it's all gone." "SHARKY:" "So we got to get even with Lola." "And get your money back." "JOKER:" "Why are you so bent out of shape about it?" "I mean, we all got burned, but you're taking it extra hard." "BEETLE:" "Yeah, for real man, what's up?" "SHARKY:" "You guys don't get it, do you?" "BEETLE:" "Get what?" "SHARKY:" "She didn't just cheat us out of our money." "She cheated us out of our manhood." "JOKER:" "What?" "BEETLE:" "She cheated me and Joker out of our manhood." "You... shut up." "You, too?" "No." "SHARKY:" "Yeah, I'm a virgin, too." "BEETLE:" "Shut up, no you're not." "JOKER:" "No way." "That can't be true." "What about those cheerleaders?" "SHARKY:" "Lies." "JOKER:" "That hoochie from La Puente?" "SHARKY:" "Stories." "BEETLE:" "Wow." "You know, you told me that one night." "SHARKY:" "No, no, no." "I never said I did." "I just never denied the stories." "BEETLE:" "Wow." "JOKER:" "Oh, Sharky." "BEETLE:" "So all three of us are virgins?" "JOKER:" "I guess so." "SHARKY:" "But the hell if I'm gonna let Lola get the last laugh." "You still got that girl, Mina's number?" "JOKER:" "Yeah, I actually memorized her number before my dad took the matchbook." "She still wants to see me." "SHARKY:" "All right, call her up." "JOKER:" "Ok." "SHARKY:" "Tell her to meet us at my pad in one hour." "I just got an idea." "JOKER:" "All right." "Cool." "All right, you guys." "SHARKY:" "So we come up the alley." "Mina, you open the back door." " BEETLE:" "Wait." " Mina, what's this symbol right here?" "MINA:" "I drew a little booty to represent the back door." "JOKER:" "Oh, yeah, that makes sense." "MINA:" "Now, these back stairs are reserved for VIP." "But they're usually empty." "Now, they're gonna lead all the way up to the office that's located above the club." "And that's Lola's room." "JOKER:" "You mean this room with the devil lady in it?" "That's funny, Mina." "SHARKY (LAUGHS):" "So the stairs do go up to the roof?" "MINA:" "Yeah." "And you see where this lipstick is?" "That's where the cabinet is with the little metal box." "That's where Lola stores all her money that she steals." "JOKER:" "Don't worry, Mina." "We'll get your money back." "And when my family's gazebo is finished, you can come over and I'll sing to you." "BEETLE:" "Guys, wait a minute." "What about all those bouncers?" "Is there like a plan B in case we can't get out that way?" "SHARKY:" "Of course there is." "Trust me, Beetle." "We can't lose." "BEETLE:" "Famous last words, Bro." "SHARKY: (LAUGHS) Yeah." "Let's roll, Puto." "JOKER:" "Mina, it's me, Joker." "MINA:" "Ok, the roof is that way." "Good luck, guys." "Be careful." "ALL 3 BOYS:" "Shhh." "COACH:" "There's a lot of things I do, I think about baseball a lot." "COACH:" "I am going to Swing away, swinging until my time is up." "SHARKY:" "Oh, shit, that's the Coach." "BEETLE:" "So what?" "Let's go." "COACH:" "Because the batter's up." "The batter is up." "You can make this happen." "This is totally, I'm down and ready for you." "SHARKY:" "All right." "Here it is." "Here, Joker, hold this." "All right, Beetle, get down there." "BEETLE:" "What?" "Why do I have to go down?" "SHARKY:" "Well, you're the skinniest." "JOKER:" "Go ahead, Beetle." "JOKER:" "I can't hold on, Sharky." "SHARKY:" "Go, come on." "You can do it." "JOKER:" "I can't." "BEETLE:" "Sharky, catch." "SHARKY:" "Throw it higher." "JOKER:" "You throw like a girl." "BEETLE:" "Come on, guys, this isn't funny." "Oh, shit." "Someone's coming." "LOLA:" "Robbery." "Robbery." "Robbery." "BEETLE:" "Let's get the hell out of here." "COACH:" "Oh, base hit!" "Oh, yeah, round second." "Oh." "Go to third." "I'm around third, oh." "Slide." "I gotta slide." "Go home." "Slide!" "Slide!" "What the hell?" "BEETLE:" "What's up, Coach?" "COACH:" "I'm a little busy here, fellas." "SHARKY:" "Yeah, looks like she's doing all the work." "JOKER:" "Yup." "You're a lazy lover, Coach." "BEETLE:" "What's the principal gonna think about this, Coach?" "COACH:" "Hey fellas, can't we just uh." " Let's make a d " "BEETLE:" "Let's cut the crap." "Is Sharky back on the team or what?" "COACH:" "Shark - oh, Rodriguez?" "BEETLE:" "Yeah." "COACH:" "Yeah." "Of course." "No hard feelings, right, buddy?" "SHARKY:" "Yeah." "See you at practice." "COACH:" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "Now get the hell outta the room." "SHARKY:" "Make me proud, Coach." "COACH:" "Now, where were we?" "GIRL:" "Sorry, your time's up." "COACH:" "No extra innings?" "Oh, oh, foul, foul ball." "BEETLE:" "We can't lose, huh?" "SHARKY:" "Relax, I got an emergency back-up plan." "BEETLE:" "Emergency what?" "Not the Mafiosos man!" "SHARKY:" "Now, let's be real cool, man." "Real cool." "Oh." "LOLA:" "Wait." "Before you handle these idiots, I want to know." "You actually thought that you could steal from Lola?" "SHARKY:" "Oh, we're gonna shut you down, Lola." "Tell your goons to back off." "LOLA:" "Did you hear that?" "(LAUGHS) Kid says he's gonna shut me down." "The only thing that you're gonna do is tell me how you got in." "Who helped you?" "BEETLE:" "Screw you." "LOLA:" "Who helped you?" "JOKER:" "We did it ourselves, Bitch." "LOLA:" "Ok, hero boy." "You tell me." "Who got you in here?" "LOUD RUMBLING." "What was that?" "SHARKY:" "Turns out, we're not the only ones you screwed over." "JOKER:" "Women of Lola's run, you are free!" "HOOKER:" "Girls, we're free!" "Let's go!" "SHARKY: (LAUGHS) Damn, fool, you don't even care that she used to work at Lola's, huh?" "JOKER:" "No, I don't." "It's just like that movie, Pretty Woman." "SHARKY:" "That's crazy." "What you gonna do, you gonna pimp her out now?" "JOKER:" "Not even." "I got her a job that's gonna help her forget her past." "BEETLE:" "Where at?" "She's a cone jockey down at the Icee Freeze." "Oh, shit, it's the cop dude." "I can't get in trouble again." "Oh." "COP:" "Well, well, well." "If it isn't Peter Rabbit and his bunny boys." "Looks like it's my lucky day." "JOKER:" "Are you gonna kill us or arrest us?" "COP:" "Kill ya?" "I want to thank you." "You guys opened my eyes." "I'm getting a divorce and couldn't be happier." "As you guys know, my wife is a slut." "SHARKY:" "I knew that." "COP:" "Actually, I owe a debt of gratitude to my friend Benjamin here." "JOKER:" "For what?" "COP:" "Because of this young man," "I was able to put a sting on the most notorious brothel that ever poisoned the streets of our city." "JOKER:" "Yeah, Beetle?" "COP:" "You really shut things up at headquarters for me, kid." "Thanks." "BEETLE:" "Yeah, no problem, Officer." "That means we're cool, right?" "COP:" "Actually, I did a little research on you, Benjamin." "And I found out you weren't born in this country." "That you're actually here illegaly." "So I need you to turn around and put your hands on your" "JOKER:" "Hey, you can't do that!" "SHARKY:" "That's not cool." "COP: (LAUGHS) You guys are rich." "Can't you take a joke?" "Come on." "I'm not gonna arrest ya." "However, whatever happened to that bunny suit?" "I need it back." "You guys have that?" "SHARKY:" "Actually, Officer, the bunny suit was lost in action." "COP:" "Oh." "SHARKY:" "Yeah." "JOKER:" "Yeah, we're really sorry about that." "But I can invite you to some party punch." "JOKER:" "My Tia's secret recipe." "COP:" "Nah, I think I'm gonna have to pass on that, guys." "JOKER:" "Her secret's Tequila." "COP:" "You talked me into it." "BEETLE:" "Viola." "COP:" "All right." "Thanks." "You guys be good." "ALL 3 BOYS:" "All right." "SHARKY:" "What the hell?" "POP:" "Diana." "Octavio." "Ladies and Gentlemen, Damas e Caballeros, welcome to our first annual Gazebo Banda Party." "(LAUGHS) Ok." "Now we are ready to Rock la casa." "BEETLE:" "Hey." "You made it." "FELICIA: (LAUGHS) Yeah." "BEETLE:" "How are you?" "FELICIA:" "What's the cop doing here?" "I thought he was after you?" "BEETLE:" "Felicia, there's something I have to explain to you." "I used to think that losing my virginity would make me a man, but I know it's stupid." "And trying to get laid, acting like a big shot doesn't make you man, it makes you a jerk." "FELICIA:" "So, what are you saying?" "BEETLE:" "I'm saying that I, I don't know if I'm ready to be a man." "But I really want to be your boyfriend." "FELICIA:" "Wow." "That actually sounded pretty mature, Beetle (LAUGHS)." "But a deal is not a deal unless it's sealed with a kiss." "(ENGLISH" " US" " SDH" " BOZXPHD)"