"* sinister laughter *" "So, then I hear him yell "Hey man!"" "So I turn around and I look at him and dude.." "He's staring at me, he's looking at me right in the eyes" "And I'm like "Shit.." "I am so busted here"" "Y'know what he says?" "He says "Hey, you forgot your wallet!"" "And I had!" "I left it right on the table" "He just looks at me, he hands it to me.." "I take it and I leave * sinister laughter *" "What?" "It's the laugh man.." "It's a little over the top" "I think it's intimidating Well, it's kind of cool.." "It's my thing!" "It's what I do!" "Y'know, it's like the Masterer and the ninja costume" "Pfft!" "Ninja costume.. what kind of a loser wears a ninja costume?" "The Masterer was fighting in the 8-bit wars while you boys were still playing with your Atari 2600" "His army is growing, and he is a great teacher" "But it's gonna take more than a few pawns and a mere bishop.." "To stop me" "What about Jeremy?" "He's a good kid.." "I like him" "He reminds me of.. myself" "Shouldn't we be looking for him?" "Oh I don't think that will be necessary" "To the Pwnerer!" "Wherever he may be" "Sup?" "We didn't expect to see you so soon" "Oh wow, that's.. that's really cool, ya.." "You can't get past here!" "Later noobs" "* I am the pwnage, bitches!" "*" "Subtitle Translation by:" "Episode 12:" "Game Over" "Hey noobs and welcome to the season finale of Pure Pwnage season 1" "This episode's gonna be real exciting, 'cause Kyle tells me cliffhangers and all this fancy stuff happen at the end of seasons, right?" "So I expect there's probably gonna be big explosions, maybe me jumping off a bridge at one point" "Gotta have some guy like yelling in slow-mo, like.." " Jeremy I was just using that to illustrate an example of, y'know, the cliffhanger ending.." " We need to have something exciting happen at the end of the season" "Oh.. you don't have like, explosions and stuff?" "I kinda like that stuff" "So you guys may have noticed my room has changed a little bit" "I uhh.." "I got a bed" "It was a tough choice, y'know, because I had a little bit of hair money left" "I'm like, y'know.. should I upgrade my PC?" "'cause it could kinda use an upgrade, but.." "Then I really thought about it, y'know.. there's really not much more I do than sleep, besides gaming" "I'm pretty happy with it to be honest, y'know.." "I've never actually had like, a.." "Like a good bed that I can sleep in for like 20 hours and not wake up, y'know, and.." "Y'know I'm kinda with Anastasia and stuff, y'know.." "I thought.." "Y'know, like.. maybe.." "It's just bigger for two people is all.. and comfy and stuff, so.." "It's a real exciting time, what's happening right now.. it doesn't happen very often in human history, y'know.." "All these new systems like, coming out, like at the same time" "New ways to control games and new graphics and.." "I think y'know, there kinda like bridging the PC and the consoles and all this stuff together" "It's just great for us, y'know, 'cause like.. gaming is just like this revolution that's getting out there, y'know?" "All these people and all these connections and all these consoles, and it's just like.." "Do you know how many noobs I'm going to own this year?" "Lots of people, they write the show and they're like.." ""Jeremy, are you like a Nintendo guy?" "You like Sony?" "Are you just PC, or are you this and that?"" "It's kinda weird 'cause like, I guess I'm kinda all of 'em.. 'cause.." "To be honest, I'm a fan of any machine that connects me to noobs and lets me own 'em" "So that's my answer.. you put a wand in my hand, you put a controller, you put a mouse.." "It doesn't really matter 'cause the end result is gonna be the same" "It's gonna be the same!" "So for now I got tons of stuff to do anyways, I mean like.." "The Masterer's got me kinda.. reading these books about like strats and stuff" "It's just like reading forums except.." "Longer" "So that's pretty cool, you're just, always occupied right.." "'Cause you should always be thinking up strats and stuff" "Well, it's like my brain, y'know, it's kinda like getting more.." "Brainey and stuff, y'know?" "Ahhh.. well, there's server number four" "You get kicked again for "hacking", Doug?" "Like what a bunch of babies, man!" "I was 44-1, one noob actually managed to kill me!" "And they still kick me!" "Wait a minute, why'd you die?" "Friendly fire.." "Wh" " What the hell are you doing?" "I was just.. just.. reading.. a bit" "What for?" "One of the coolest things about having your own show is like.." "You get your own toys!" "Like this.. that's me!" "Check this out!" "* You remind me of ghey!" "*" "* I own noobs!" "*" "* Lol!" "Looooooooooool!" "*" "And the best thing, are combinations" "This one's for you, Kyle" "* You remind me of" " My balls!" "*" "Doug loves it, he thinks it's so funny" "* What?" "Everyone runs faster with a knife!" "*" "* I can dance all day!" "I can dance all day!" "Try to hit me!" "Try to hit me!" "*" "* It OWNS!" "*" "* BOOM HEADSHOT!" "*" "So ya, there's like tons of exciting stuff happening at Pure Pwnage right now, y'know.." "like Kyle, he's super excited 'cause we got this like.." "meeting with like, some like, big TV company today.. we gotta get all dressed up for and stuff" "They wanna talk about the show" "I dunno, like I told Kyle, nobody watches TV anymore, y'know?" "but.." "I dunno he thinks it's real important, so.. we're gonna go do that" "How do I look Kyle?" " You look like ass!" "Let's go!" "* phone ring *" "Moshi Moshi" "Oh hey Grubby!" "What's going on?" "Ya.. trouble with the Night Elves again?" "Well I think I can pencil you in for like, Thursday" "Ya, for sure.. no, I'll take it easy on you, it won't be painful like last time" "Ok I'll see you then, man.." "Ok, bye" "Every week, I swear.." "I dunno, the Masterer's been gone now for like, ten days" "Kinda left me in charge of stuff, just in case people have problems or whatever.." "'Cause he's doing something in like, Nor-nor.." "Norwegia or whatever" "So, y'know, it's pretty cool.." "I play the role pretty good, if I can ask myself" "Hey!" "Uhh.." "Jeremy?" "Ya?" "I'm Dan.. how's it going?" "Oh, cool.. ya, no, it's good, it's good" "You must be Kyle?" " Yes, I'm Kyle" "Alright, we'll just head upstairs, if that's ok?" "Yep, that's fine" "You guys gonna put this thing on the show?" "You guys wanna have a seat?" " So, what do you do here?" "Ahh.. y'know I do a little of everything, I'm actually just working on a couple projects right now" " Are you a segment producer?" "Or?" "Good question.. not exactly.. uhh, y'know I spend a lot time here, uhh.." "Poning noobs with my uber micro" "It was a.." "I did that.." "I do that" "Hello!" " Hi" "I'm Claire, nice to meet you Hey.. ya, for sure" "Hi there, I'm Dan, good to see ya" " Hey, I'm Kyle" "Hi, how are ya?" " Good" "So, how're ya guys fixed?" "You want some coffee, some tea?" "A little water?" " I'm.." "I'm alright Cappucino" "No, I'm ok Ok?" "Uhh, give me three waters.." "I want one cool, two room temperature" "Cappucino.. and a double espresso, ok?" "So, tell me about your Internet TV series" " Well, me and Jeremy, we make the show ourselves" " We put it on online and people download it" "Well, you know the numbers were very impressive" "You've managed to capture a very elusive demographic" "Now we know it's about video games, but uhh.." "Well why don't you guys just start with telling us a little more about the show" "We really haven't had a chance to look at the episodes ourselves" " Well, there is- It's basically just about how much I own" "What do you own?" "Noobs, mostly" "What's a.. what's a noob?" "You, apparently" " It's a show basically about Jeremy's life, and his friends.." "I follow them around, they play a lot of video games.." " People download our show online for free and sometimes they buy shirts, that's how we support the show" "I mean, ya.. we've got a very progressive network here" "I mean I was just up with the chairman and he made a bundle on Google" "We've even started to run series promos on Youtube now" "You know video games are very big with kids these days" "Oh, huge.. huge with the 18 to 34 demo" "Y'know essentially, we're looking for new content, and what we'd like to do is explore the possibility of bringing your show to television" " That would be great" "You know.. we have no intentions of drastically changing the show" "No no no, not at all, no.." "I mean, you're obviously doing something right" "People are watching" "Well, let me tell you why we're very interested in working with you" "We work with gaming publishing partners, and we're looking for that new face that gamers can identify with" "Oh, well I'm the best gamer in the whole world.." "I mean obviously that's me" "There you go!" "So, part of the package would be that you would actually have to come out with us" "To press conferences, trade shows, special events.." "Promotion!" "Ya, and represent, y'know, our gaming partners" "Part of that of course would be that you would actually have to play the games" "Oh, I can play games.. that's no problem" "What kinda games?" "Oh, they're great!" "They're great!" "The latest one deals with dragons and demons.." "Oh, it's fantastic" "And there's adventure and swordplay.." "Unicorns!" "Fantastic!" "And the graphics.. amazing!" "Beautiful!" "Absolutely amazing!" "Loooool.." "LOL!" "You're joking right?" "That was like.." "like a joke?" "Uhh.." "I don't want to get started on the wrong foot, guys.. so let me be totally honest with you" "In this business there's a lot of compromise" "That's not to say that you guys can't be making your show independently" "But, our ad sales team is going to want to leverage your gaming audience" "And bring their eyeballs to our gaming products Exactly" "That's just something you're going to have to get used to" "Oh I see, well.. there's a couple things you guys are gonna have to get used to" " WHY?" "Jeremy, just tell me why!" "Kyle, come on, what do you want?" " I wanna have my own TV show, like I've been dreaming about for the past ten years" " Why do you have to mess that up for me?" "Kyle.. you heard what he said, Kyle!" "He's trying to get me to play a bunch of sucky games!" "Like what?" "I'm not gonna do that, of course I'm gonna tell him to lick my balls!" " But did you have to actually SHOW him your balls?" "No, I didn't.. but it was fun, Kyle, come on!" "I did you a favour, Kyle" "You saw that they were trying to do.." " We could've had our own TV show!" " I could've been somebody!" "I could've been a director!" "Kyle you ARE a director!" "And we do have a show!" "And it owns!" "Ok?" "People like it.. we don't need TV!" "We're fine right here on the Internet, ok?" "* phone ring *" "Moshi Moshi" "Moon!" "That's a coincidence.." "Oh ya, for sure" "And, you gotta stop worrying Kyle, ok?" "You're gonna make your movies, you're gonna be a big director" "I'm gonna be a big star, ok?" "It's gonna be awesome, everything's gonna work out" "When we get to Tagi's you can ask her, she's gonna say the same thing, ok?" "So just.. don't worry about it" " What?" "Why is that dog following me Kyle?" " I dunno, do you know that dog?" "I don't know any dogs Kyle" " That's kinda weird" "It's kinda creepy" "I gotta get out of these clothes, this is embarassing" "Hey guys!" "Hey girl, what's going on?" "Jeremy!" "You remembered!" "Ya.." "Ok hold on just one second, I got you something Ok.." "Kyle quick!" "What did I remember?" "What did I remember?" " I dunno.. wha-?" "Is it girlfriend day-?" "Happy anniversary!" "Oh!" "Thank you!" "That's really- that's cool, you got me some kinda present" "So open it!" "Open it!" "You got me a DS?" "You're the coolest girl ever!" "Oh, anniversaries, Kyle!" "Anniversaries!" "That's so cool.." "Oh.. y'know I got you something too.." "You got me a dog!" "Oh he's so cute!" "So what's his name?" "Dick.." "Hi Dick!" "How are you?" "So do you want to go out tonight?" "Ya, for sure, ya.." "Ya?" "We can bring Kyle, too.." "Sure" "But I gotta get changed, 'cause look at this!" "So stupid" "I like it, but.. why don't we take Dick to your place and then we can get changed and then go?" "Ok, sounds goods, ya.." "Ok" "Come on, Dick Let's go, Dick" "What's the matter?" "Oh, just guild drama.." "I mean, isn't it amazing how people have the hardest time following the simplest instructions?" "Not really, most people are pretty noob, y'know" "I know, but.." "Ok I try to explain to them so nicely, y'know?" "But I mean, how hard is it to run away from the raid when you're the bomb?" "In fact, if you play WoW, if you've ever played WoW" "Can you please just do everybody a big favor and repair before the raid?" "Because you have no idea how much time you are wasting when you go all the way back to Ironforge" "And then, come all the way back for the raid!" "It's like, a waste of my life!" "Ok?" "Ya!" "The light's green, we gotta go" "Oh my gosh, we even got the same table!" "Wow" "Ya.." "I guess" "So I hope you guys are thirsty!" "Me and Kyle, we just kinda drank like last week, and.." "Y'know, it's the Masterer.." "like he's all.. y'know, it's my uber micro, y'know?" "It's not enough to really have good micro, or great micro, or.." "Even fantastic micro.. if it's not uber, he gets pretty mad" "Well.." "No.. it's just.." "It's just my brain, y'know?" "It's kind of important, and.." "I know, but like.. you can have like one drink on a special occasion, y'know?" "Like.. our anniversary?" "Like today?" "That's true!" "It's anniversary.." "I can have a drink, right?" "One?" "So what do you guys want?" "Some beers I guess?" "Umm.." "Actually, can I have three shots of Jager?" "Absolutely!" "Coming right up" "Alright!" "Alright well, cheers guys!" "Cheers!" "* phone ring *" "Shh.." "Shhh!" "Hold on!" "Moshi Moshi!" "Vo0!" "?" "It's Vo0.." "Ya.. no.. oh, you're doing it wrong" "No you should be shooting him in the leg!" "No you shouldn't be aiming for the head, you gotta aim for the leg" "Ya, ya.. for sure.. ok bye!" "The Masterer's all like "we gotta.. we gotta.. we gotta hang back, y'know"" ""We're not ready, we're not ready"" "I'm like "We know where they are!" "Like, I'll go solo 'em!" It's like, whatever" "I don't need a team!" "I'll take 'em on myself!" "I'll walk in there and be like "Do you know who I am?"" ""I'm sorry, do you know who I am?" "'Cause.." "I do"" " Jeremy, Jeremy, no seriously.." " Tell me one thing, ok?" " Why does he dress like a ninja?" "I can tell you guys this, but seriously.." "Ok, no, you gotta turn the camera off first" "Because if he finds out I told you he'll be so mad at me!" " Sure, ok.. don't worry, I'll turn it off" "Kyle I can see the light blinking!" "I'm not stupid!" " Ok, ok, ok.." "I'll turn it off.. tell me!" "Ok, this is why" "The Masterer spent 15 straight years gaming in his basement" "With the only light coming from the glow of his monitor" "As a result his skin is hypersensitive to any light that's beyond the visible spectrum" "Hmm.. so you're saying that he can never leave his basement?" "At least not during the day" "The sun would burn his skin like the lava in Metroid" "Sounds like something out of the X-files" "Ya.." "like season two, episode "3"" "Don't you mean episode seven?" "Ya, the one called "3"" "Witnesses say that they saw at least twelve people, but I don't see any evidence of a micro battle" "Maybe someone was here to clean up" "Whoa, wait a second.." "What is it?" "What it is.." "Is a "W"" "Bag it" "Oh my God.. don't look!" "What?" "* laughter*" "That was the funniest thing Kyle's ever said!" "Say it again!" " No.. no way!" "Kyle.." "Kyle, I just wanna say" "That I know you're a big noob, but honestly.." "When you got that girl's number.." " Oh man I'm pro!" "I am pro!" "That's like.." "You're pro!" "That was the most pro thing I've ever seen!" "I know" "I was kinda proud of you for a sec" "I'm like "I can't believe he just did that!" Aww.. you were proud of him!" ""Y'know, y'know I.." "I make movies, eh?" "I make movies.. so what's your number?"" "And she's like "you make movies!"" "If only she knew it was an Internet show" "Kyle was trying to do the Baron with his guild" "And they.. they finally get there in like 18 hours" "And then Kyle wipes the group with his pet!" " How was I supposed to know that a voidwalker is gonna go up to the Baron?" "Yo guys!" "What's up man?" "How's it going?" "Oh, we were just out having some drinks" "I just had the craziest shit go down at my pad, man.. you wouldn't believe it" "No!" "What's going on?" "Well, get this.." "Dad comes home, drunk again, y'know.." "Start yelling at my mom about whatever" "While I'm in the next room going 56-0!" "Assault's just going nuts man!" "Y'know, at this one point in time, at the exterior valve" "Sneaking up on this one day, y'know?" "I'm crouched down, my saw's just ready to let loose!" "Well I can't hear a thing 'cause my parents are yelling!" "I didn't even hear him pull a flash out on me dude!" "I come around the corner thinking I'm just gonna" "Mow his ass down!" "Next thing I know I'm fucking blind!" "So finally I say to my parents, like.." ""Hey!" "Like.. this is important!" "Like, excuse me!"" "But they just kept yelling at me!" "So you think it's cool I can stay at your pad tonight or what?" "Well, I mean there's.. there's no place to sleep, man" "Well that's cool, I was just gonna game all night anyway" "I got no problem with that" " Hey Doug" "Kyle!" "What's up man?" "Breakfast!" "Cooking some breakfast!" "You want some of this?" "Man, check it out.." "I even taught the dog a trick" "Come on puppy, want some of this?" "Puppy wants some of this?" "Boom Headshot!" "Isn't that great?" "Ya, buddy!" "Ya!" " Doug, that's a lot of bacon.." "Well.." " Did you make anything else?" "Dude!" "Tons!" "Check it out!" "Oh it's gonna be good!" " Anastasia's a vegetarian now.." "Oh my God, dude" "How long has she had that?" "Breakfast!" "Oh ya, that's what I'm talking about" "What do ya think?" "This is the best breakfast ever man!" "I'm telling you Kyle, you better get in on this" "Kyle?" "So like.. how long have you had vegetanism?" "Well, I was talking to my vegetarian friend a few months ago" "And she was telling me all the health benefits of being a vege- Cool so what do you guys wanna do today?" "I dunno.. me and Tagi were gonna go, maybe- Man I'm in!" "Let's do it!" "Ok.." "Uhh.. so?" "What are you guys thinking?" "What do you wanna do now?" "Tagi's got a raid in like half an hour, and there's only two PCs, so.." "There's really not much for you to do, we're just gonna go back there and.." "Oh that's cool, I'll go hit up my house.. seeya!" "I'm so sorry.." "I mean I like Doug and all, but he's just too much sometimes" "No, I know.." "I know, it's-.." "I just feel bad though, y'know?" "Well, I mean I feel bad too, he's my best friend.. but, I just want some time alone, y'know?" "I know, but.. doesn't he have any other friends?" " Well, he's got friends online.." "like in his clan or whatever" "Ya he's got tons of friends, ya.." "What about in RL?" "I mean.." "Doesn't he have friends from school, or..?" "Doug was homeschooled" "Ohhhh.." "Yo guys!" "Guys check it out!" "Problem solved!" "Now one of us can console while the other two PC!" "What do ya think?" "Uhh.." "Doug, umm.." "I mean.." "I mean, you're my best friend y'know, and.." "It's just.. y'know, it's just sometimes, y'know.." "You can get too much exposure kinda to one person" "And sometimes you just feel like, you can't get away.." "Y'know, like there's always someone there and they're always around, and.." "Sometimes you just wanna get some alone time and stuff, y'know?" "Ya.." "I mean I'm sure you understand, right?" "I understand, man, ya.. fully Ya, for sure, so.." "So, y'know, it's kinda what we're hoping for, y'know.. tonight" "Uhh.." "Kyle?" "I'm pretty sure he wants you to leave" "Doug.." "I'm talking about you" "Oh.." "Oh I see.." "I mean, you're my best friend man" "No man, no.. th- that's cool, I can take a hint" "I'll see you guys later No Doug, it's just.." "Do you think he's gonna be ok?" "Ya, he'll be fine" "He's fine" "No, I mean if he was mad at us he would've thrown it this way, right?" "So.." "It's cool, let's go" " Hey, Jeremy.." "Oh it doesn't fit!" "Well then put it somewhere else!" "Come on.." "Actually, y'know if you put it in just a little bit and then you twist it" "You can find that you can really get in some spots that.." "Slow down!" "Slow down!" "You're going too fast!" "Oh, you've been practicing without me, eh?" "Obviously, obviously.." "Oh.. owned!" "Good game!" "Number fi-.." "Oh, hey Kyle!" "What's going on?" " Hey.." "I" " I was just.. shooting.. is.. is that ok?" "Ya, sure.. we're just playing some DS Ya.." "So, this is uhh.. the is the end" "It's hard to believe it's been twelve episodes already" "Feels like we just started, y'know?" "It's kinda sad a bit, but it's happy too, y'know.. we did a lot" "It's really got me thinking too, just about endings and stuff, like.." "Like when you play Super Mario Bros., like what happens after ya win the game and ya turn it off, y'know?" "Is Mario and Peach.. are they like chillin' back in the castle and they're just waiting for you to turn the game on again?" "Did they even exist at all, y'know?" "Kinda deep stuff that I've spent a lot of time thinking about.." "But I'm still excited 'cause I think this season was pure ownage, y'know.." "I'm super excited for the next one" "So, I'm sorry, Kyle.. you didn't get your big hanging cliffs ending you wanted" "There's no explosions and there was no jumping off bridges and stuff" "But I still think it's really cool, like lots of cool stuff happened" "I mean we got to see, like.." "Doug bust a TV, y'know.." "I got a new system, that's really cool" "I got to show some people my balls, y'know.. been waiting for that" "Y'know we even got a dog!" "Which is kinda like a new cast member.." "Actually I forgot to tell you guys.. my mom won't let me keep the dog" "Oh no!" "Why's that?" "She said it was the worst gift you could give somebody" "Oh.. uhh.. y'know that's cool, I can just take him back for like a refund, right?" "Ya, ya!" "They take dogs back all the time right?" "It's fine.." "Where is Dick anyway?" "So.." "Thank you" "For watching Pure Pwnage" "It's been an awesome time making the show and we just wanna thank all the fans" "For the t-shirts you bought and the support and the emails you gave" "You really helped turn a dream into reality for me and my brother, so.." "We're really excited for season two and we hope you are too!" "Thank you!" "Jeremy!" "Dinner's almost ready!" "Ok, ya.." "I'll be right there!" "And don't forget to clear the trash mobs before you come in" "I was watching you through the window" "I made your favorite stew, just the way you like it" "Tagi, look out!" "There's horde!" "Don't worry, we're in a green zone" "Tagi!" "Hey, what are you doing?" "Jeremy!" "Help!" "Noooooooooooooooo!" "To the Pwnerer!" "Wherever he may be * beep beep beep *" "Jeremy's outside!" "Why don't you see him in?" "Really, my dear, I thought you would be more talkative" "It is, afterall, your.. talent" "Perhaps you'd care for a little music?" "Well.." "I must admit, that was quicker than I expected.. you continue to impr" "As I was saying.. you impress me" "Now let's talk about your future" "Oh.. you're mister psychic now?" "I've been known to dabble" "Let's just say I understand the events that about to unfold" "Let me tell you something about events.. unfolding, and stuff" "My brother Kyle's on his way right now" "He's got Doug, he's got the Masterer, he's got the whole army" "I think he's gonna own your ass" "Judge a man by his actions, Jeremy" "Not his rhetoric" "You are no one's slave" "Please, consider my offer" "Please, consider that my left testicle hangs just a little bit lower than my right one" "Then you have no chance to survive" "Make your time" " Hey Doug?" "It's Kyle.. have you seen Jeremy?" "It's unfortunate you've forced me into such action" "But I can't let the Masterer wield such a dangerous weapon" "Oh!" "Who's psychic now?" "Oh didn't see that coming?" "Did ya?" "Oh who's psychic now?" "Get your ass ready to be spanked!" "Gonna spank that ass!" "We're gonna spank your ass.." "Oh your ass is so owned!" "Who didn't see that coming?" "You didn't!" "You" "Doug?" "Some of your friends have been more receptive than you, Jeremy" "Doug?" "Y'know what?" "Fuck you man!" "Kyle, you take Tagi and you leave" "You heard the man, go!"