"(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "(theme song ending)" "Hi, Rick." "Oh, hiya, Fred." "Is Ethel up here?" "No." "She went out with Lucy." "They went to the home show." "Oh... no." "Why do they have to go and look at those model homes, stuffed with all that fancy furniture?" "It'll only make them unhappy." "I know." "Last year Lucy went to the home show." "Last year Lucy went to the home show." "When she got home, she said all of our old furniture gave her the hives." "It was two weeks before Ethel could walk into our living room without bursting into tears." "When I told Lucy that she couldn't redecorate, she cried all night." "Well, let's face it, we're in for another session with the Sobbsy twins." "I don't know, Fred." "I got a surprise that might, uh, take their minds off of it." "Yeah?" "I managed to get four seats for the new Rodgers and Hammerstein show tomorrow night." "Oh, boy!" "Four of them!" "Hi, honey." "(Lucy sighs)" "Hi, Ethel." "Ugh!" "It's even worse than I remembered." "Hey, hey, honey, I got a wonderful surprise for you." "Sit down, will you?" "Sit down?" "On that?" "How could anyone possibly sit on that?" "Well, honey, it's easy." "You stand up here like this, and you bend your knees, and there you are, huh?" "You know what I meant." "That couch is so... so..." "Comfortable?" "No, no." "It's so dirty, and the-and the springs are lumpy, and it's... oh..." "it's repulsive." "And that desk and that tired, old lamp, and that chair... oh!" "(shivers)" "You think this is bad?" "I have to go down and look at our apartment." "Never mind." "Never mind." "It all stays as is." "But our furniture looks crummy." "It looks crummy because it is crummy." "But it's all paid for, so forget it." "Yeah, and that goes for our stuff, too." "Ricky, you don't really expect" "me to live..." "(all talking)" "I cannot spend one more penny... (all talking at once)" "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute!" "Ethel, what are we going through this for?" "We're going to get our furniture." "Oh, yes, I forgot." " What is this?" " FRED:" "Look out for a trick." "It's no trick." "The home show is having a big drawing and the winners are each getting five rooms of beautiful furniture absolutely free." " Yes." "(Fred whistles)" "Oh." "And you two put your names down?" " That's right." " Yes." "Oh, well, Fred, help me get this junk out of the way before the new furniture arrives." "Excuse me." "Go ahead, make fun." "You're going to feel pretty silly when we win." "Now, look, honey, sit down, will you?" "Hmm!" "Force yourself." "Now, look, listen to me, will you?" "Do you know how many people put their names down on a thing like that?" "Yes, I do." "Do you know that your chances are one in a million?" "(Ethel and Lucy chuckle)" "A lot you know." "We each made out a hundred cards." "Our chances are one in 10,000." "Now, look, let's forget the whole thing, huh?" "We will until they call us and tell us that we won." "All right, all right." "Now, in the meantime," " I got some real good news for you." "What?" "Well, I managed to get four seats for the opening of a new musical tomorrow night." "Not the Rodgers and Hammerstein show?" "Right." "Oh, honey, how wonderful." "ETHEL:" "Ricky, that's wonderful!" "Uh-oh." "ETHEL:" "What's the matter, Lucy?" "We can't go out tomorrow night." " Why not?" "What do you mean you can't go out?" "They might call us from the home show." "So what?" "They'll call you back." "Oh, no, they won't." "You have to be home when they call." "Now, look, honey, you know how tough it is to get seats for an opening night, and this is Rodgers and Hammerstein." "I'm sorry, dear." "It's out of the question." "I'm not leaving this house until the home show drawing is over, and that's final." "Hey, Fred." "Gee, I'm glad you stopped by." "I wanted to see you." "Hey, Rick." "What are you doing around here this early in the morning?" "Well, I had a bunch of business calls to make and Lucy won't let me use the phone." "Yeah, I know what you mean." "We may as well forget about that opening night." "Well, I don't know, Fred." "I got a plan on how to get Lucy and Ethel out of the house tonight." "How?" "Make them think that one of them won the prize." "What?" "Well, look, we know that they haven't got a chance anyway." "So all we have to do is one of us has to get to the phone, call Lucy and tell her that she won the prize." "And then make sure that you hang up before she recognizes your voice." "Wait a minute." "Why should I be the one to call?" "Well, Fred, I'd be glad to do it," "I'd love to do it, but she'd recognize my accent in a minute." "You're going to use an accent?" "Never mind." "Now, will you call her?" "Well, okay, okay." "Well, go ahead;" "there's the phone." "Well, now, wait a minute, wait a minute." "I got to get up my nerve." "Oh, Hazel, give me a double-chocolate malted." "I'll see you later." "Hi." "Ethel, what are you doing away from your phone?" "I'm not." "Is it connected?" "Yeah." "Fred fixed it so I could go anyplace in the building." "Where did you ever get such a long cord?" "Well, don't tell the phone company, but every time anybody moves out of an apartment," "Fred swipes the extension cord." "Oh." "Gee, my phone hasn't rung all morning." "I wonder if there's anything wrong with it." "Oh, darn these party lines." "There's always somebody using it." "Well, tell them to get off." "Oh, you know how much good that would do me." "I've had run-ins with these characters before." "Well, it's about time she named the date." "Do you know how long she's been engaged?" "Huh?" "14 years." "16 years." "I'll believe the marriage when I see it." "Pardon me, but would you please get off the phone?" "Wait a minute, Agnes." "Miss Big Ears is listening in." "I'm sorry, but the phone is in use." "But this is an emergency." "It's a matter of life and death." "Help, fire!" " Help, fire!" " Fire!" "BOTH:" "Help!" "Ah, try something new." "Now, what were we saying, Agnes?" "Oh... there's no use." "I'll bet the home show's calling me right now." "Oh, dear." "Hey, I got an idea." "This worked once before." "What?" "Now, be quiet." "...absolutely." "What else is new, Agnes?" "AGNES:" "Oh, so many things." "Boy, have I got dirt to spill." "Go ahead." "I'm listening." "(imitating both women):" "Oops, there goes my doorbell." "I'll have to call you back." " Okay, dear, good-bye." " Okay, good-bye." "(satisfied sigh)" "There now." "Gee, if it doesn't ring soon for one of us," "I'm going to be a nervous wreck." "So am I." "All this suspense is making me hungry." "Well, come on." "Let's go in the kitchen and make a sandwich." "We can hear the phone from there." "Okay." "(phone ringing)" " Hello?" "Hello?" " Hello?" "Hello?" "It's the home show." " You got my phone." " Hello?" "I have not." "This is my phone." "No, that's my phone!" "Ethel, that's my phone." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Yes, this is Mrs. Ricardo." "Yes." "I did?" "I didn't?" "I did?" "Oh... oh, thank you so much." "Oh, yes, yes, I'm very thrilled." "Yes." "Good-bye." "Ethel, I won!" "I won all the furniture!" "Gee, that's swell." "And that's for you, you ugly, old thing." "Oh, Lucy, look what you've done." "You broke off the leg." "I don't care." "I won!" "I won!" "I won all that wonderful furniture." " And you know what I'm going to do now?" "What?" "I'm going to get rid of all this junk." "I'm going to call a secondhand man and I'm going to have him come over and I'm going to sell him everything but the lightbulbs." "Now, that glue ought to hold it." "Help me set it up." "Okay." " You ready?" " Mm-hmm." "Oh... boy, will I be glad to get rid of this junk." "(doorbell buzzes)" "Oh, there he is." "Hide that glue." " Mrs. Ricardo?" " Yes." "I'm Dan Jenkins, secondhand furniture man." "Oh, come right in." "Is this the junk you want to sell?" "Junk?" "Why, this is fine furniture in excellent condition." "Yeah..." "Yeah, sure." "(plays piano chord)" "Hmm." "Ah, ah... oh." "Uh..." "This is my neighbor, Mrs. Mertz." "Mr. Jenkins." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" "How do you do?" "Well..." "Y-You can see that everything's practically new." "It's hardly been used at all." "Yeah, I see." "She's right." "Many times I've been up here when nobody sat down." "Uh-huh." "You see, I wouldn't dream of selling except that someone's giving us some new furniture." "Well, uh..." "bedroom furniture, too?" "Yes, in there." "Ah." "I don't think he likes it, do you?" "He just wants us to think that." "You watch- when he comes out, he's going to make me a very low offer and I'll just get him to go higher and higher." "You watch." "Mrs. Ricardo..." "Yes?" "Well, I'll take your furniture." "You will?" "Yeah, and I'll give you..." "Oh, I shouldn't go this high, but I took an immediate liking to you, so I'll give you $100." "$100?" "Well, you'd better look again, Mr. Jenkins." "All right, make it $90." "Ninety?" "!" "Oh, that's ridiculous." "Why, this coffee table alone is worth more than that." "Seventy-five." "I'll take it." "Sign the bill of sale, please." "$5... $30, $60... $70 and $5." "Thank you." "I'll have my truck in the neighborhood this afternoon." "Can I pick up the furniture then?" "Oh, well, could you check back?" "I'd kind of like to have the new furniture here before you take this." "All right." "Now, you ladies sure made a sharp deal." "Getting 75 bucks out of me for all this broken-down stuff." "Ooh." "Well..." "I'll just have to make it up on the next customer." "Afternoon, ladies." "LUCY:" "Good-bye." "Gee, I'm sorry." "Well, it really doesn't matter, as long as I'm getting the new furniture for nothing." "Oh." "Gee, you know it's a shame to put all that new stuff in here with this old paint and paper." " You know what I'm going to do with this money?" "What?" "I'm going to repaint and repaper this whole dingy apartment." "Oh, Lucy, paper hangers are awful expensive." "Who needs a paper hanger?" "Who needs a paper hanger?" "We'll do it ourselves." "We will?" "Sure." "Come on, let's go downtown and buy all the paper and stuff." "Okay, I'll get dressed." "Hurry up, now." " There." " Did you get it all?" "Is this everything we need?" "Yep." "Let me see it." "Let me see how it looks here." "Oh, boy!" "Isn't that pretty?" "Oh, boy!" "Isn't that pretty?" "Isn't it beautiful for a bedroom?" "Uh-huh." "It's so dreamy." "Isn't that nice?" "Well, let's get started." "By the time we get to the living room, we'll be professionals." "We got to measure it." "Now, I got to find out" "how much paper there is in each roll." "Okay." "Got to get-- have an idea of how many we need, you know?" "All right." "Okay... there." " That's-that's about it now, I think." "All right." "Put it down here a minute." "Let's see now." "It's about... that high." "Hold it up." "All right." "(giggles)" "There." "Now we got to put the paste on it." "All right." "Turn it over." "Lay it down on the floor." "Oh, Lucy, it'll get dirty." "Oh, yeah." "Well, you hold it up in front of you and I'll put paste on it that way." " All right." " Now be careful." " Ready?" " Yeah." "Hold on now." "All right." "Okay." " Keep it moving." " Okay." "Okay." " Keep it moving." "All right." "Keep it moving." "Oh, Lucy!" " Ethel, I'm sorry." " Oh..." "You're on the paper!" "I'm sorry, Lucy, but you hit me in the face with that." "Oh, look what you did." "Well, let's straighten it out." "Wait... wait..." "Ethel, we haven't got a lot of paper." "You have to be careful." "Could we use that-that little...?" "Oh, Lucy." "This looks like the biggest chunk here." "Oh... here." "Wheel!" "Oh, we can't use 'Ms." "We'll have to cut another piece." "All right, put it over here." "Oh, that's a shame." "I got that so pretty, too." "Let's try another one, huh?" "All right now." " Be careful now." " I will." "There." "Now, that's about it." "There." "Now... turn it over." "Careful." "Okay." "Oh, no, that didn't work." "Put it down on the floor." "Oh, okay." "(both grunt)" "There we are." "Yep." "It'll look so pretty up there." "Oh." "Oh, Lucy." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, honey." "Now leave me alone." "Move back." "There now." "Okay." "There now." " Now we got to get it on the wall." "Where?" "Right over there in the corner." "Okay, in the corner." "All right." "Listen, you'd better come up here on this side with me." "All right." "Now be careful." "All right." " Okay?" " Ready." "Okay, let's go." "What's the matter with you?" "You said over here in the corner." "Well, I meant in this corner!" "Oh...!" "Now take a hold of it." "Okay." "Now, are you ready?" "Now, before we start, which wall do you want it on?" "That wall." "Put it in the middle-- we'll have plenty of room on either side." " Okay." "Ready?" "One, two, three." "Go!" "How do you get the slack out?" "Not very straight, is it?" "No." "Well, look, we can put the rest of it on at this angle and then it'll be uniform." "You'll have to hang on the mattress to keep from falling out of bed." "(doorbell buzzing)" "Mrs. Ricardo, got my van downstairs ready to pick up my furniture." "Oh, well, uh, my new stuff hasn't arrived yet." "Oh." "Well, I'll call back in the morning, huh?" "Okay." "I'll sure be glad to get rid of this old junk." " Bye." " Bye." "Hi, honey." "Oh, darn." "I'd hoped that you wouldn't get home until later." "What's going on?" "Well, I kind of wanted to surprise you, but I won." "The home show called, and I won all the furniture." "Oh, that's nice, yeah, but, uh, what are you doing?" "Well, did you see that man that just left?" "Yeah." "Well, that's Mr. Jenkins and I sold him all of our furniture for $75." " And Ethel and I are..." " You what?" "!" " What?" "You what?" "!" "I said, I sold him all the furniture." "Mr. Jenkins!" "Mr. Jenkins!" "Mr. Jenkins!" "JENKINS:" "You calling me?" "Yeah." "Please come back here, Mr. Jenkins!" "Please come back!" "Hurry up!" "Oh, my goodness." "What's the matter, Ricky?" "He gave me $75 for all the stuff." "$75 for all...?" "(whining):" "Oh, no." "Me and my great ideas." "That wasn't the home show calling, that was Fred." "Fred?" "Yeah, Fred." "Ricky, what are you saying?" "Well, I thought it was a nice way to get you out of the house to go to the opening..." "Somebody call me?" "Yeah, Mr. Jenkins, come here, would you please?" "I want to talk to you a minute." "Here, sit down, won't you?" "This is a nice chair here." "Sit down, Mr. Jenkins." "Sit down here a minute." "Listen, Mr. Jenkins..." "Listen... there's been a terrible mistake." "It's all my stupidity." "You see, my wife didn't win the prize at all, and, you see, I thought..." "Uh, I want to get the furniture back." "Oh, fine, that's okay by me." "Thank you." "Give me the $75, will you, honey?" "What's the matter, honey?" "I spent the money for the wallpaper." "Oh." "Well, I'll give you the $75." "Hey, just a minute, Mr. Ricardo." "I'll be glad to sell you this stuff, but certainly you don't expect to get three rooms full of beautiful furniture like this for a measly $75?" "But that's what you paid for it!" "That's true, but I'm in the business." "It isn't just the purchase price." "I got to add my overhead, electricity, rent, insurance, storage charges, advertising." "You haven't moved a stick of furniture out of this apartment." " Yeah..." " Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Lucy, did you sign anything?" "No... only a bill of sale." "Only a bill of sale." "All right, Mr. Jenkins, you paid $75 for the furniture?" "Now, how much all this other stuff that you mentioned?" "What... what does it add up to?" "What?" "What was...?" "Now remember, you haven't moved anything out of the apartment." "Oh, I'm allowing for that." "Better take another look at the furniture." "We've had it an awful long time, and the paint's all off, and it's real ugly, and it's old, and..." "I realize how much these valuable antiques mean to you, madam." "Antiques?" "Lucy, please, you said enough." "Wha..." " All right, how much?" "How much?" " Well..." "I shouldn't really do this." "I'm taking off every penny I can." "I'll let you have it all for... only $500." "$500!" "That's ridiculous." "I won't buy it back." "I'll get the fellas in the van..." "Now, wait a minute." "Don't hurry up so fast." "Come back here a minute, will you?" "Now, let's compromise, maybe." "How about two, uh...?" "$300 and, uh._... uh, $95?" "Well, I'm a lousy businessman but, uh, I like the way you sing "Babalu,"" "so I'll take it." "Thank you." "Mira, lo que me pasa a mi, no le pasa a nadie en este pais." "Vende e!" "furniture for $75." "Y lo tengo que comprar ahora por $395." "Ese va ser." "Aqui esta." "Ah, you two are certainly making a sharp deal." "Well..." "I guess I'll just have to make it up..." "Yeah, you'll just make it up on your next customer." "I know." "Well... evening." "Good-bye." "Adios." "Now, Ricky, it wasn't my fault." "I know." "I know." "It's all my fault." "It is?" "Yeah." "Come on, I'll help you carry the stuff into the bedroom." "Come on." " In the bedroom?" " Yeah." "Uh, well, we-we really haven't finished papering in there yet, and I, uh..." "What?" "What?" "What?" "What did you say?" "I said, we haven't finished papering in there yet, and..." "Who is "we"?" ""We" is Ethel and Lucy paper hanger." "Oh, this... this I got to see." "No, Ricky." "I won't get mad." "You promise?" "I promise you I won't get mad." " Promise?" " Yeah." "Just let me see it." "Now, come on." " You and Ethel papered the room." "Uh-huh." " Just the two of you, huh?" " Uh-huh." "Ricky, what's the matter?" "It makes me dizzy." "Open the window, will you?" "I need some air." "Window?" "Window." "Lucy, what have you done with the windows?" "Now, don't worry." "It's here someplace." "There." "How can you possibly paper over a window?" "!" "Now, Ricky, don't bawl me out." "That's only a minor thing." "Wait till I tell Ethel I didn't win." "What's the matter?" "Where is Ethel?" "Where is Ethel?" "Ethel?" "Ethel?" "Ethel?" "Ethel?" "Ethel!" "What?" "Ethel, the most terrible thing has happened." "FRED:" "Oh, Ricky!" "L'm in here, Fred!" " What?" "What?" "I was waiting for you to get home." "What happened?" "Lucy sold all the furniture and papered the room, thanks to a very funny phone call." "What phone call?" "Look, don't try to cover it up." "She knows all about it." "No, no, no." "That's what I was going to tell you." "I lost my nerve and I didn't make that phone call." "Then who did?" "It must have been the home show!" "I won!" "I really won!" "I won!" "I really won!" "I really won!" "(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "ANNOUNCER:" "The pan' of Mr. Jenkins was played by Hans Conried, and the two women by Margie Liszt and Florence Halop."