"CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY COMEDYCENTRAL" "♪ I'M GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪" "♪ GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME ♪" "♪ FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE ♪" "♪ HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION ♪" "♪ GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪" "♪ GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND ♪" "♪ AMPLE PARKING DAY OR NIGHT ♪" "♪ PEOPLE SPOUTING "HOWDY NEIGHBOR" ♪" "♪ HEADED ON UP TO SOUTH PARK ♪" "♪ GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND ♪" "♪ ( MUMBLING )" "♪ COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪" "♪ AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE ♪" "DO I REALLY HAVE TO DO THIS, DAD ?" "STAN, NOW MORE THAN EVER," "YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF SAVING MONEY." "BUT GRANDMA SAID I COULD USE THIS MONEY" "TO BUY WHATEVER I WANT." "OKAY, NEXT PLEASE !" "GO ON, STANLEY." "HOW CAN I HELP YOU, YOUNG MAN ?" "I GOT A $100 CHECK FROM MY GRANDMA" "AND MY DAD SAID I NEED TO PUT IN THE BANK" "SO IT CAN GROW OVER THE YEARS." "WELL, THAT'S FANTASTIC." "A REALLY SMART DECISION, YOUNG MAN." "WE CAN PUT THAT CHECK IN A MONEY-MARKET MUTUAL FUND," "THEN WE'LL REINVEST THE EARNINGS INTO" "FOREIGN-CURRENCY ACCOUNTS" "WITH COMPOUNDING INTEREST AND IT'S GONE !" "UH, WHAT ?" "IT'S GONE, IT'S ALL GONE." "WHAT'S ALL GONE ?" "THE MONEY IN YOUR ACCOUNT, IT DIDN'T DO TOO WELL." "IT'S GONE." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?" "I HAVE $100." "NOT ANYMORE YOU DON'T" " POOF." "WELL, WHAT CAN I DO TO GET BACK MY" "I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT THIS LINE IS FOR" "BANK MEMBERS ONLY." "I JUST OPENED AN ACCOUNT !" "DO YOU HAVE ANY MONEY INVESTED WITH THIS BANK ?" "NO, YOU JUST LOST IT ALL." "THEN PLEASE STAND ASIDE" "FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE MONEY WITH US." "NEXT PLEASE !" "HEY !" "HELLO, MRS. FARNICKLE, HOW ARE YOU TODAY ?" "MAKING A DEPOSIT ARE WE ?" "GREAT, WE CAN JUST PUT THAT INTO YOUR RETIREMENT ACCOUNT" "AND MAKE IT GO TO WORK FOR YOU AND IT'S GONE." "WHAT ?" "SORRY, YEAH, THAT'S GONE." "PLEASE STEP ASIDE FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY" "HAVE MONEY WITH THE BANK." "NEXT PLEASE." "DAD !" "HEY, I'M TRYING TO TEACH MY SON THE IMPORTANCE OF SAVINGS !" "YOU ALREADY LOST HIS MONEY ?" "OH, MR. MARSH," "DON'T WORRY, WE CAN JUST TRANSFER MONEY" "FROM YOUR ACCOUNT INTO A PORTFOLIO WITH YOUR SON'S" "AAAAND IT'S GONE !" "THIS LINE IS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE MONEY WITH THE BANK ONLY." "PLEASE STEP ASIDE !" "( ANNOUNCER ) THIS IS A 9 NEWS SPECIAL REPORT." "AN ECONOMIC CRISIS HAS HIT SOUTH PARK" "AND THE NATION LIKE NEVER BEFORE." "ANOTHER SOUTH PARK BANK HAS CLOSED DOWN," "LEAVING THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE IN DEBT." "IT'S JUST CRAZY, YOU KNOW ?" "EVERYONE'S AFFECTED BY IT." "IT'S LIKE ALL THE MONEY JUST VANISHED." "IT'S REALLY TERRIFYING." "WE'VE GOT NO MONEY TO PAY OUR MORTGAGE NOW." "WE COULD VERY EASILY LOSE OUR HOUSE." "HI, GRANDMA !" "FIRST THE MONEY STARTED GOIN'" "AND NOW EVERYONE'S GETTIN' LAID OFF WORK !" "THEY TOOK OUR JOBS !" "THEY TOOK OUR JOBS !" "DERK ER DERRRRRR !" "DEEERKERRDRRR !" "DEEERKERRRRRRDRRRR !" "JUST HOW FAR WILL THE ECONOMY FALL ?" "WE ASKED ECONOMIC REPORTER DAN BANKS FOR HIS ASSESSMENT." "WE'LL HAVE THE REST OF DAN'S INTERVIEW TONIGHT AT 10." "ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, EAT UP." "OH, JESUS CHRIST." "SLICED HOT DOGS AND TOMATO SLICES ?" "!" "YOU SAID WE HAD TO BE CAREFUL WITH OUR MONEY." "I'VE GOT NOTHING FOR A FOOD BUDGET !" "MOM, DAD, HOW COME THERE'S SUDDENLY NO MONEY ?" "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED, SON." "SEE, THERE'S A BUNCH OF IDIOTS OUT THERE" "WHO WEREN'T HAPPY WITH WHAT THEY HAD." "THEY WANTED A BIGGER HOUSE AND MATERIALISTIC THINGS" "THAT THEY DIDN'T EVEN NEED" "PEOPLE WITH NO MONEY WHO GOT LOANS TO BUY FRIVOLOUS THINGS" "THEY HAD NO BUSINESS BUYING." "AND THESE ASSHOLES JUST BLINDLY STARTED BUYING" "ANY STUPID THING THAT LOOKED APPEALING" "BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT MONEY WAS ENDLESS." "IT GOES BACK TO WHEN THE GOVERNMENT HAD THE IDEA" "THAT EVERYONE IN AMERICA DESERVES TO OWN A HOUSE... ( MARGARITAVILLE WHIRRING )" "SO WE HAVE PEOPLE HAVING A HARD TIME PAYING THEIR LOANS," "MEANING LESS MONEY COMING IN." "AND THE IDIOTS COULDN'T SEE THAT BY DOING" "ALL THIS FRIVOLOUS SPENDING THEY WERE MOCKING THE ECONOMY." "AND THEY MADE THE ECONOMY VERY ANGRY." "WE'RE ALL FEELING THE ECONOMY'S VENGEANCE" "BECAUSE OF MATERIALISTIC HEATHENS" "WHO DID STUPID THINGS WITH THEIR MONEY." "DO YOU UNDERSTAND, SON ?" "YEAH, I THINK I GET IT." "AND SO WHY IS OUR ECONOMY FAILING US ?" "BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT KEPT INTEREST RATES" "TOO LOW FOR TOO LONG !" "THE GOVERNMENT TOOK OUR ECONOMY FOR GRANTED" "AND NOW WE ARE ALL HERE PAYING THE PRICE !" "HOW LONG WILL WE SIT AND WATCH OUR ECONOMY FALL  AND SO I SAY TO YOU," "DO NOT LISTEN TO THE WALL STREET BROKERS," "FOR TH ARE THE ONES WHO PUT US IN THIS SITUATION !" "FAT CATS WITH CORPORATE GREED." "THEY ARE THE ONES WHO KNOWINGLY DROVE US DOWN THIS PATHWAY... ( CARTMAN ) WHERE HAS ALL THE MONEY GONE ?" "IT MUST HAVE GONE SOMEWHERE." "THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS, MY FRIENDS." "IT IS THE JEWS" "COVETOUS JEWS, WHO HAVE TAKEN ALL OUR MONEY" "AND HOARDED IT FOR THEMSELVES," "HIDDEN ALL THE CASH IN SOME..." "SECRET JEW CAVE" "THAT THEY BUILT PROBABLY BACK IN THE EARLY '60S." "IT IS THE JEWS, MY FRIENDS... ( RANDY ) NOW WE HEAR ALL DIFFERENT PEOPLE" "CASTING ALL DIFFERENT KINDS OF BLAME" "FROM PERSON TO PERSON." "BUT THE FAULT LIES IN ALL OF YOU." "YOU, WHO BOUGHT THAT $300,000 HOUSE" "WHEN YOU ONLY HAD 20,000 TO PUT DOWN." "YOU, WHO BOUGHT THAT THIRD CAR" "EVEN THOUGH ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN YOUR HOME DRIVE." "IT IS TIME TO STOP POINTING FINGERS !" "FINGER-POINTING GETS US NOWHERE !" "STEVE !" "WE HAVE MOCKED OUR ECONOMY," "AND NOW THE ECONOMY HAS CAST ITS VENGEANCE UPON US ALL." "HE'S RIGHT." "THIS IS THE FIRST GUY TO ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE." "YEA, IT IS AN ANGRY AND UNFORGIVING ECONOMY." "TO REPENT, WE MUST STOP FRIVOLOUS SPENDING." "INSTEAD OF PAYING FOR CABLE, LET US WATCH CLOUDS !" "INSTEAD OF BUYING CLOTHES, WEAR BUT SHEETS FROM THINE BEDS !" "CUT SPENDING TO ONLY THE BARE ESSENTIALS:" "WATER AND BREAD AND MARGARITAS, YEA." "HELLO, YOUNG MAN, WELCOME TO SUR LA TABLE." "CAN I HELP YOU ?" "YEAH, I WANNA RETURN THIS MARGARITAVILLE" "MY STUPID DAD BOUGHT." "OH, THAT'S ALL WE GET ANYMORE, RETURNS." "COULD YOU PLEASE JUST PUT THE RECEIPT HERE" "ON THIS TABLE ?" "SORRY, OUR COMPUTERS ARE A LITTLE SLOW TODAY." "WE NEED A NEW ETHERNET CABLE." "OH, I'M SORRY, SIR, I'D LIKE TO GIVE YOU A REFUND" "BUT I'M AFRAID IT'S NOT DOABLE." "WHAT ?" "I SAID I'M NOT ABLE, SIR." "YOU SEE, THIS MARGARITAVILLE WAS PURCHASED" "WITH A PAYMENT PLAN." "SO ?" "WELL, AN OUTSIDE FINANCING COMPANY" "HANDLES THOSE PAYMENT PLANS." "CUSTOMERS JUST PAY FOR SOME OF THE MACHINE" "AND THE FINANCE COMPANY PAYS FOR THE REST." "WELL, CAN'T I JUST RETURN IT AND GET THE MONEY" "MY DAD PUT IN BACK ?" "HMM..." "THAT'S IMPROBABLE BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE." "I'M NOT REALLY SURE HOW IT WORKS." "YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK WITH THE PEOPLE AT THE TOP." "I CAN GIVE YOU THE FINANCE COMPANY'S ADDRESS" "IF THAT'S AGREEABLE WITH YOU." "WE HAVE BECOME LOVERS OF PLEASURE" "RATHER THAN LOVERS OF THE ECONOMY." "THERE ARE THOSE WHO WILL SAY THAT THE ECONOMY" "HAS FORSAKEN US." "NAY, YOU HATH FORSAKEN THE ECONOMY !" "AND NOW YOU KNOW THE ECONOMY'S WRATH." "OH, THOUST CAN SHOP IN A SPORTING-GOODS STORE" "BUT KNOWEST THOU THAT THE ECONOMY WILL TAKE AWAY" "THY BRONCOS CAP FROM THINE HEAD." "YOU MOCKED THE ECONOMY WITHOUT FEAR." "THINE OWN STOCK BROKERS" "NOW LIE DEAD BY THEIR OWN HAND." "AND THOU KNOWEST THAT THY STOCK BROKER" "DID NOT FEAR THE ECONOMY !" "WELL, HERE WE ARE, MY FRIENDS." "YOU HAVE BROUGHT THE ECONOMY'S VENGEANCE UPON YOURSELVES." "WHAT CAN WE DO, RANDY ?" "YES, TELL US !" "TELL US, WHAT TO DO ?" "TELL US, RANDY, WHAT WE SHOULD DO !" "WHAT DO WE DO, RANDY ?" "!" "WE MUST ALL WEAR SHEETS INSTEAD OF BUYING CLOTHES" "THAT NEED DETERGENT." "INSTEAD OF CARS THAT TAKE GASOLINE," "WE CAN GET AROUND ON LLAMAS FROM DRAKE'S FARM !" "INSTEAD OF VIDEO GAMES THAT TAKE BATTERIES AND SOFTWARE" "OUR KIDS WILL PLAY WITH SQUIRRELS !" "WE MUST LET THE ECONOMY KNOW" "THAT WE ARE CAPABLE OF RESPECTING IT !" "NO MORE NEEDLESS SPENDING !" "( CHEERING )" "THE ECONOMY IS OUR SHEPHERD." "WE SHALL NOT WANT." "( CHEERING )" "MORNIN', TED." "MORNIN', AL." "WELL, THIS SUCKS." "SURE WAS BETTER WHEN OUR PARENTS WERE BUYING US STUFF." "HEGHGH !" "OF ALL THE TIMES FOR PEOPLE TO DECIDE" "TO STOP BUYING THINGS," "IT HAD TO BE THE WEEK THAT" "GRAND THEFT AUTO 4 COMES OUT FOR NINTENDO DS !" "HEGHGH !" "YOU WANT SOMETHING NEW EVERY WEEK, FAT ASS." "DON'T YOU FRATERNIZE ME !" "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW !" "MY FAULT ?" "!" "THE JEWS TOOK ALL THE MONEY AWAY AND THEY" "DON'T EVEN START !" "DON'T EVEN START, CARTMAN !" "WELL, WHY ARE WE WEARING BED SHEETS" "AND PLAYING WITH SQUIRRELS, KYLE ?" "NOT BECAUSE OF THE JEWS, BUTTERS !" "WHO TOLD YOU THAT ?" "!" "WELL, ERIC DID." "JUST TELL US WHERE THE CAVE IS, KYLE." "NOW, LOOK..." "THE REASON WE'RE IN THIS SITUATION" "IS BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE BEING STUPID !" "THE ECONOMY ISN'T SOME VENGEFUL BEING" "THAT TAKES THINGS AWAY FROM US !" "THE ECONOMY IS JUST MADE UP OF PEOPLE." "AND PEOPLE HAVE JUST LOST THEIR FAITH IN IT !" "WHAT PEOPLE REALLY SHOULD BE DOING IS SPENDING MORE." "SPENDING IS FINE !" "WE BEST SPEAK WITH THE COUNCIL." "TELL THEM A YOUNG JEW" "IS SPEAKING HERESY TOWARDS THE ECONOMY." "CAN I HELP YOU ?" "I WANNA RETURN THIS MARGARITAVILLE." "OKAY, LET ME SEND YOU INTO JOSH." "HEY, WELCOME TO BIG ORANGE FINANCE COMPANY !" "YEAH, HAVE A SEAT." "YOU WANT SOME CARMEX ?" "NO THANKS." "I WANNA RETURN THIS MARGARITAVILLE" "AND THE GUY AT SUR LA TABLE SAID" "THAT YOU'RE THE COMPANY THAT FINANCED IT." "OOH, YEAH, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT," "NO..." "YEAH..." "WHAT ?" "YEAH, WE CAN'T GIVE YOU YOUR MONEY BACK FOR THAT," "YEAH, NO." "YOU'D HAVE TO TALK TO THE PEOPLE ON WALL STREET, YEAH." "WALL STREET ?" "YEAH, NO, SEE, WHAT I DO IS FIND AMERICANS" "WHO WANT A FROZEN-BEVERAGE MACHINE" "BUT CAN'T AFFORD ONE" "AND I HOOK THEM UP WITH INVESTORS WHO WANT TO" "GET INTO THE MARGARITAVILLE PAYMENT-PLAN BUSINESS, YEAH." "SO ?" "YEAH, SO THE PROBLEM IS YOUR MARGARITAVILLE PAYMENT PLAN" "HAS BEEN COMBINED WITH THOUSANDS OF OTHERS" "INTO ONE BIG MARGARITAVILLE SECURITY, YEAH, NO." "YEAH, NO..." "YEAH." "( SIGHING )" "THE ENTIRE TOWN HAS GIVEN OVER TO YOUR WAYS, MR. CHAIRMAN." "EVERYONE HAS EVEN STOPPED USING ELECTRICITY" "SO AS TO STOP PAYING ELECTRICAL BILLS." "YOU'VE REALLY DONE AN AMAZING THING, MR. MARSH." "PEOPLE HAVE LEARNED TO HOLD ON TO THEIR MONEY" "SO AS NOT TO FEEL THE STING" "OF THE ECONOMY'S MIGHTY SWORD." "I AM PRETTY SMART, YEA." "BUT I HAVE ASSEMBLED THIS ECONOMIC COMMITTEE" "TO MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE STICKS TO MY NEW PLAN." "WE'VE GOT GUARDS POSTED AT THE MALLS" "TO MAKE SURE NOBODY GETS TEMPTED TO BUY DUMB STUFF." "AND PAT SALTZMAN IS DOING HOUSE CHECKS TO MAKE SURE" "NOBODY'S ORDERING ANYTHING STUPID ON-LINE." "THEN PERHAPS SOON OUR ECONOMY WILL RETURN TO US." "COUNCIL, I BRING NEWS OF DISCORD !" "A YOUNG JEW WAS IN THE TOWN SQUARE" "SPEAKING BLASPHEMY ABOUT THE ECONOMY." "WHAT ?" "HE WAS SAYING THAT YOUR IDEAS ARE FALSE" "AND THE ECONOMY IS NOT VENGEFUL !" "HE WAS RALLYING PEOPLE TO SPEND MORE !" "SPEND MORE ?" "WHAT MOCKERY IS THIS ?" "RELAX, FATHER MAXI." "WHAT HARM CAN ONE JEW DO AGAINST OUR" "ECONOMIC RECOVERY MOVEMENT ?" "I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT." "I WAS IN A FIELD," "AND I HAD GRAND THEFT AUTO:" "CHINATOWN WARS" "RIGHT NEXT TO ME." "BUT THEN THE SKY WENT BLACK" "AND GRAND THEFT AUTO:" "CHINATOWN WARS" "JUST MELTED IN MY HANDS." "( SOBBING )" "WHAT'S THAT ?" "EXCUSE ME, WE NEED TO BORROW YOUR SQUIRRELS !" "WHAT ?" "( MR. GARRISON ) NO, PLEASE, PLEASE !" "YOU HAVE SINNED !" "OH, JESUS, I'M SORRY, PLEASE !" "WHAT'S GOING ON ?" "GARRISON, YOU HAVE BROUGHT YOUR FILTH TO THIS TOWN" "FOR THE LAST TIME !" "WHAT DID HE DO ?" "YOUR TEACHER WAS CAUGHT BUYING A KITCHENAID STAND MIXER" "AT BED BATH  BEYOND." "TAKE THY PUNISHMENT, HEATHEN !" "AHGHGHGGHGH !" "HEY, HEY, STOP IT, STOP !" "MOVE ASIDE, KID, HE MUST PAY FOR HIS STAND MIXER !" "COME ON, THIS IS RIDICULOUS !" "WHAT'S RIDICULOUS ABOUT HUCKING SQUIRRELS" "AT A MAN WHO HAS ANGERED THE ECONOMY ?" "JUST HAVE A LITTLE COMPASSION, HUH ?" "!" "I MEAN, EVERYONE'S GONE OUT AND BOUGHT SOMETHING STUPID." "IT'S NOT SO BAD." "WHICHEVER OF YOU GUYS HAS NEVER" "BOUGHT ANYTHING FRIVOLOUS" "GO AHEAD AND HUCK THE NEXT SQUIRREL." "UGH !" "( BELL DINGING )" "EXCUSE ME ?" "I'D LIKE TO RETURN THIS MARGARITAVILLE PLEASE." "MARGARITAVILLE ?" "MY DAD BOUGHT IT ON A PAYMENT PLAN" "THAT WAS SET UP BY A FINANCE COMPANY" "WHICH GOT THEIR PRINCIPAL INVESTORS FROM SOMEBODY HERE." "OH, THAT MAKES SENSE." "IT DOES ?" "YOU SEE, SON, WE LUMPED THOUSANDS OF THESE" "MARGARITAVILLE INSTALLMENT PLANS TOGETHER" "INTO MARGARITAVILLE-BASED SECURITIES," "THEN CHOPPED THOSE SECURITIES UP IN A WAY" "THAT WE COULD SELL THEM TO BANKS." "SO I CAN RETURN IT TO A BANK ?" "NOPE." "BECAUSE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE DEFAULTING" "ON THEIR MARGARITAVILLES SO THE GOVERNMENT HAD TO BUY" "THE MARGARITAVILLE ASSETS FROM THE BANKS." "WHAT ?" "!" "JUST TALK TO THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT IN DC." "THEY'RE THE ONES WHO REALLY UNDERSTAND HOW ALL THIS WORKS." "OH, SELL, SELL, SELL, SELL, SELL, SELL, SELL !" "AGH !" "LISTEN, THIS IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW." "THE ECONOMY IS NOT A SUPERNATURAL," "ALL-KNOWING ENTITY." "THE ECONOMY IS JUST AN IDEA MADE UP BY PEOPLE" "THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO." "THE ECONOMY IS NOT REAL" "AND YET IT IS REAL." "NOWADAYS THEY'LL GIVE CREDIT CARDS" "TO PRACTICALLY ANYONE WHO APPLIES FOR THEM." "I APPLIED FOR THIS YESTERDAY TO PROVE A POINT." "IT IS AN AMERICAN EXPRESS PLATINUM CARD." "IT HAS NO SPENDING LIMIT." "( GASPING )" "DO NOT BE AFRAID." "THIS IS ONLY PLASTIC." "IT'S JUST SOMETHING MADE UP BY PEOPLE." "TRULY MEANINGLESS UNTIL WE PUT OUR FAITH IN IT." "FAITH IS WHAT MAKES AN ECONOMY EXIST." "WITHOUT FAITH..." "IT IS ONLY PLASTIC CARDS AND PAPER MONEY." "BY ALL REPORTS..." "THE YOUNG JEW IS NOT LETTING UP." "HE IS STILL GOING AROUND CONVINCING PEOPLE" "TO HAVE FAITH IN THE ECONOMY BY SHOPPING." "WE'VE DONE EVERYTHING WE CAN" "AND YET THE ECONOMY HAS NOT IMPROVED." "WORSE, IT HAS DECLINED." "POOR BART HERE JUST LOST HIS JOB" "AT LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA." "OUR TIRELESS WORK IS OBVIOUSLY BEING UNDERMINED" "BY THIS ONE JEW." "WHY DOES HE GO AROUND PRETENDING TO KNOW" "THE TRUE WILL OF THE ECONOMY ?" "PERHAPS, HE IS THE ECONOMY'S ONLY SON, SENT TO SAVE US." "ARE YOU RETARDED, STOTCH ?" "!" "THE ECONOMY IS OMNIPOTENT," "WHICH MEANS IT CAN DO ANYTHING." "SO SAYING IT WOULD BE LIMITED TO ONE SON" "IS FUCKING STUPID !" "THAT IS STUPID, YEA." "AND GOING AROUND TELLING PEOPLE TO SHOP IS DANGEROUS." "WELL, THEN THERE'S ONLY ONE OPTION." "WE HAVE TO KILL THE JEW." "YEP, I THINK WE GOTTA KILL THE JEW." "I DON'T KNOW." "HE'S GOT A LOT OF SUPPORT." "IT MIGHT BE HARD TO EVEN CATCH THIS JEW." "( HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING )" "DID SOMEBODY SAY CATCH A JEW ?" "THE PERSON YOU'RE AFTER MIGHT BE HARD GET" "BUT I CAN BRING HIM TO YOU." "AND ALL I WANT IN RETURN" "IS GRAND THEFT AUTO:" "CHINATOWN WARS" "FOR HAND-HELD NINTENDO DS." "UH, HOW CAN WE HELP YOU, YOUNG MAN ?" "I WANT TO RETURN THIS MARGARITAVILLE !" "MY DAD BOUGHT IT ON A PAYMENT PLAN" "SET UP BY A FINANCE COMPANY THAT GOT INVESTORS FROM WALL STREET" "WHO COMBINED IT INTO SECURITIES SOLD TO BANKS" "WHO TRANSFERRED IT TO YOU !" "OH, THAT MAKES SENSE." "AHGHGH !" "NO PROBLEM." "WE JUST NEED TO CONSULT THE CHART." "WE CAN DETERMINE YOUR PROPERTY'S VALUE" "AND WE'LL BE DONE." "REALLY ?" "THANK YOU." "BE RIGHT BACK." "( SCREECH  THUMP )" "EXCELLENT NEWS, SIR." "WE'VE DETERMINED THE INVESTMENT VALUE" "OF YOUR MARGARITAVILLE TO BE $90 TRILLION." "WHAT ?" "!" "HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, KYLE ?" "YOU SEEM B-B-BUMMED OUT." "I JUST HAVE A FEELING THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME" "WE GET TO DO THIS." "WELL, DON'T WORRY, KYLE." "WE'RE NOT GONNA LET PEOPLE KILL YOU." "WE'LL KEEP YOU HIDDEN FOREVER !" "I CAN'T JUST HIDE MY WHOLE LIFE, BUTTERS." "AND BESIDES, I HAVE THIS STRANGE FEELING" "THAT ONE OF YOU IS GONNA TOTALLY BETRAY ME." "( ALL GASPING )" "ALL RIGHT, WHOEVER IS THINKING OF BETRAYING KYLE," "THAT IS NOT COOL." "THAT'S FREAKIN' LAME, DUDE." "KYLE'S TRYING TO GET THE ECONOMY GOING AGAIN." "IF SOMEBODY'S THINKING OF STABBING HIM IN THE BACK," "YOU'RE BEING A DICK." "( CLEARING THROAT )" "GO AHEAD, KYLE." "WHOEVER IT MIGHT HAPPEN TO BE..." "I'M NOT GIVING HIM THE OPPORTUNITY." "TOMORROW I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING." "SOMETHING I'VE KNOWN I WOULD HAVE TO DO" "TO RESTORE PEOPLE'S FAITH." "KYLE, PLEASE, FOR F-F-F-FUCK'S SAKE," "DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC." "THERE'S NO CHOICE ANY MORE, GUYS." "DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME." "I'VE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS FOR A WHILE NOW." "NO, NO, NO, NO, EXCUSE ME !" "I DON'T UNDERSTAND !" "HOW CAN THIS STUPID THING BE WORTH $90 TRILLION ?" "!" "WHAT, YOU THINK IT'S WORTH MORE ?" "NO, DUDE, THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE !" "WELL, YOU DON'T GET $90 TRILLION" "BUT THE CHART SAYS THAT'S WHAT IT'S WORTH." "UH-OH, PROBLEM !" "PROBLEM AGAIN !" "WHAT IS IT NOW ?" "ANOTHER INSURANCE COMPANY IS ABOUT TO GO UNDER." "IF THEY DO, PEOPLE COULD LOSE MILLIONS." "OKAY, NO PROBLEM, WE BETTER CONSULT THE CHART !" "SIRS, ANOTHER INSURANCE COMPANY IS GOING UNDER !" "NOW DETERMINING MOST PRUDENT MOVE FOR INSURANCE COMPANY !" "( CLUCKING )" "( KAZOO PLAYING )" "( DINGING )" "BAILOUT !" "THE MOST PRUDENT MOVE IS A BAILOUT !" "BAILOUT THE INSURANCE COMPANY !" "IT'S A MIRACLE." "WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THIS ?" "WHAT IS THIS ?" "WHAT IS GOING ON ?" "THERE, LOOK." "IT'S THE JEW." "SOMEHOW HE GOT A PLATINUM AMEX WITH NO SPENDING LIMIT." "WHAT'S HE DOING ?" "HE'S PAYING FOR EVERYONE'S DEBTS." "HEY, THANKS, KID, THIS IS REALLY NICE OF YOU." "BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE." "WHY WOULD HE DO THIS ?" "SO THAT PEOPLE HAVE MONEY TO SPEND." "KYLE" " KYLE, YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS !" "IT'S OKAY, MA." "NO, KYLE, YOU'LL BE IN DEBT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE !" "PLEASE, SOMEBODY, GET HIM TO STOP !" "( GROANING )" "UH, THERE'S ABOUT $17,000 WORTH HERE." "( GROANING )" "HE PAID FOR OUR DEBTS SO WE COULD SPEND ONCE MORE." "HE'S DEAD." "NO, HE'S JUST PASSED OUT." "WE SHOULD GET HIM TO BED." "( SOBBING )" "FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST A YEAR" "THE ECONOMY IN SOUTH PARK HAS TAKEN A SMALL" "BUT NOTICEABLE UPTURN." "STORES AND SHOPPING MALLS ARE OPEN AGAIN" "AS NEWLY DEBT-FREE PEOPLE FEEL SAFE TO MAKE PURCHASES." "WOW, THE NEW MARGARITAVILLE !" "WITH SALSA DISPENSER !" "JUST POUR YOUR FAVORITE SALSA IN THE TOP" "AND IT COMES OUT THE DISPENSER AT THE BOTTOM !" "OH, WE NEED THIS !" "ARE WE OUT OF THE WOODS YET ?" "ONLY TIME WILL TELL." "BUT WE MUST NOT FORGET THE SACRIFICE ONE PERSON MADE" "TO RESTORE OUR FAITH" "AND MAKE US BELIEVE IN THE ECONOMY ONCE AGAIN." "THE PERSON WE MUST THANK EVERY DAY" "FOR HIS AMAZING SACRIFICE" "BARACK OBAMA." "AW, COME ON !" "CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY COMEDYCENTRAL" "CAPTIONED BY SOUNDWRITERS*"