"I wear a disguise, I'm just your average Jane" "The super doesn't stand for model but that doesn't mean I'm plain" "If all you see is how I look, you miss the super chick within" "And I christen you "Titanic, " underestimate and swim" "And I'm a one-girl revolution I'm a one-girl revolution" "Hey, I have always known there are some stories that have to be told, but I never realized my memoirs would be one of them." "...that I wanna be I am confidence and insecurity" "I am a voice yet waiting to be heard" "I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world" "Hey," "I call it "Dance of Family. "" "and I couldn't have choreographed it without my best friend Kelly," "Yes!" "Oh!" "Oh." "Amanda. that was... that was fabulous," "You know." "I. um..." "I was really able to sense the eternal struggle of nature versus. um. nurture," " Sorry," " Kelly. how's your family project going?" "Oh. well..." "I've decided to do a video documentary," "Oh, Weren't you gonna write a short story?" "Well. that was before I was gonna do the family sculpture garden," "Hi." "Dad!" "Oh... argh!" "You know." "I've decided to show the world the way the family really works," "I've decided to call it La Familia, a film by Kelly Collins," " It's great," " I know," "Tell me where you're going." "Dad," "Chad," "Sudan," "Then over to Myanmar," "And then Thailand!" " I'm gonna miss you." "Dad," " Me. too. honey," "But I'll have my cell phone on all the time," " Dirty-water hot dogs!" " Dad." "I so need one," "Yeah. the best Manhattan has to offer, Ooh," "Dad... my family." "Divorced, alone, yet having a terrific time." "He knows he has me, the light of his life." "Ooh... oh." "I gotta get you back, Taxi!" "Taxi!" "Taxi!" "See that?" "I have to do everything." "Hey!" "Ooh... ssss," "Yes, Mm. no," "Mm. no." "I know what the contract says." "but 1.200 pages?" "Mom - a worker, a mother." "She has me, the light of her life." "Kelly. honey. you know what?" "There's such a thing as too much of a closeup!" "Can I call you back?" "Soon, Thank you, Bye-bye," " The general?" "Looks very important," " He is to me," "They are so cute together." "especially when he takes off the hat," "Ex-husband. ex-wife, A nuclear family that once exploded," " Kelly..." " But it exploded as gently as possible," "Kelly..." "Kelly, No." "Kelly." "Kelly, No." "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "No. no. no!" "Agh!" "Oh. my gosh, Come on. guys." "we have lives to save!" " Ooh. ooh. ooh," " Ah..." "Mom!" "Forget about the fishbowI. honey, The water damage wasn't that bad," "And you know what?" "You managed to save most of the fish," "I saved them all." "because every fish's life is sacred," "Maybe if you slow down just a little bit..." "Mom." "Dad said you can't think about art, It's something you feel and just do," "Well. your father is a grownup. sweetie, Sometimes," "OK, I seriously promise you. no more broken anything in this entire city," "There's Joe," "Hi," "Hi," "Mom and man - the first one she's let into our all-girl lives since Dad." " Ow!" "Oh!" " Oh!" "Um..." "I am so sorry, I'm so sorry, Oh. are you OK?" "You know what?" "You can cry if you want to." "you really can, Oh." "I'm sorry," "Oh. that's kinda gross," "Would it be wrong to ask how your nose is?" " It looks worse than it feels," " Mom says she's in love," "I guess that's why she's all pink and smiley and looks like she wants to sing," " Kelly," " Haven't you told him yet?" "I think he knows. hon, Actually. tonight is a celebration," "We wanna get married. settle down," "Well. maybe someday you will, And I'm all for it," " Um. honey. we're not asking you," " We're telling you," "Oh, Well. in that case." "you have my permission," "I think you'll be good for my mom." "you being so... stable and all, She needs that," "Glad you approve, Your mother and I are planning a wedding this summer," "I'm very happy for you both," "And I was." "He was a really nice guy who made us feel terrifically safe, and although he wasn't mushy, he looked at mom as if she were the answer to his prayers." "Uh. what should I call you?" "'Cause in case you haven't noticed." "I don't call you anything but "uh,"" ""Uh. " "Joe. " "sir," Your choice," "Sir..." "How about Sir?" "Mom and Sir, I like it," "And I just want you both to know I am totally." "totally determined to make this relationship work." "but if you wanna be a part of our family." "you gotta learn how to slouch a little," "I wouldn't be getting married if I thought that it wasn't gonna be good for both of us." "for all of us," "Oh." "Kelly." "I love him," "Love..." "Wow, I hear it's great," " Try not to crush my wedding gown," " Don't worry." "I got it." "I got it," "Now. have a fun day with Kelly and try not to forget what tomorrow is," "I will try," "Oh." "Joe." "I'm so happy for you, But I haven't told Kelly yet," " You haven't?" " No," "Well. we. uh... we could tell her together," "Um. you know what?" "Why don't I tell her myself?" " deal," " Love you," "Mom. do you realize that this is our very last day of being single women together?" "I know, Hey. what do you think?" "Hmm." "I like it, It's very... bridal," "Do you think you could just leave it on and sleep on your back?" "Oh." "KeI." "I am so happy, You know. things just feel right," "I think it's more than right, Love. happiness," "What could possibly go wrong?" "Well. uh." "I haven't told you the best part, Ha-ha," "Joe. um. has a new job, One he's always wanted," "Hm?" "Good, Because I've been looking in the want ads," "Nobody seems to be looking for a retired general," " So. what's he gonna do?" " Some things are gonna change. hon," "Like I'm gonna be doing a lot less editing, We'll be moving upstate," "I'm gonna learn how do to things like make curtains and maybe even cook," "Cook?" "Whoa, I think you should take it slow." "Mom," "Did you say moving?" "What?" "Yes. to a place that has no takeout," "But you know what?" "It's gonna be fine," "It's gonna be great, Really, It's gonna be fine," "Moving?" "Mom. we can't be moving out of New York," " Where will I get my dirty-water hot dogs?" " Oh. do you want one?" "No," "Kelly." "I promise that we'll drive into the city a lot," "A lot?" "We can't move so far away that I can't commute to my school," "They have a wonderful school where we're going," "But I love my school." "Mom, I love it," "This new school has very high standards, The academics are great," "How do you know." "and I mean really know?" "Well." "I know." "KeI. because Joe is gonna be the principaI. only more so," "Mom. in what way more so?" "Well. he's more than just a principal, He's like a... a commandant," "A what?" "And it's a very caring. very structured - which will be good for you - military school," "Military school?" "Uh. no. no," "Like where they wear uniforms and they march all around together?" "You can't do this to me." "Mom, I'm not going," "Kelly. we are gonna be a family." "and families live together," "I mean. the house is right on the campus, You'll be coming home every weekend," "How about if you two go and I stay here?" "You can come and visit anytime you want," " I don't think so," " What about if I move in with Amanda?" "Her parents won't even notice," "Kelly. you're much too much fun to leave behind," "And you know what?" "Families don't leave anyone behind," "Yeah. but..." "I'm not going!" "Promise we'll be best friends always and forever," "I promise, Anyway." "I'm not going," "And promise you won't like it more there than you like it here," "No chance of that, They wear uniforms," "They go to a school where they learn about military strategy, They sit in desks," " No!" " Yes!" "Well. it doesn't matter, Because I'm not going," "I'm not going, I am not going," "Welcome to the George Washington Military Academy." "...18. 19. 20..." "I don't know but I've been told" "I don't know but I've been told" " Streets in heaven are paved with gold" " Streets in heaven are paved with gold" "Hello?" "Where can I get a cafe mocha?" "One... two... three... four..." "I could not believe that this was the man we married." "Sir looked a whole lot different standing there than when he was kissing my mother in our living room." "Hello, I'm Carla," "Kelly, Nice to meet you," " You're gonna like it here. you know," " I can't believe I have to sleep in a place without a single decent piece of art on the walls," "Yuck, We got Captain Stone again, You know. she's going to dismember us," "Who's this Captain Stone anyway?" "Just the meanest 16-year-old in America, She's our squad leader," "She's the one who tells us what to do and when to do it," "That can't be possible, We've got brains, We are thinking people," " Not around her. you're not," " I hear she's got a buzzard for a pet," "She's probably gonna be going with Brad again this year," "Brad?" "What's a Brad?" "He's the best-looking." "most perfect boy around," " And he goes to school here?" " Why not me?" "As if a cadet major would be interested in any of you guys," "Yeah. right," "I wouldn't do that if I were you, It's not regulation," "It's just a blanket, It's not like anyone's gonna see it but us," " Everything here is by the book," " Thanks for the warning." "Carla." "but I'd really like to try and retain my individuality around here," "Ten-hut!" "I'm sorry, Did I accidentally snatch this ratty old thing away from you?" "In my experience. people don't snatch accidentally, And it's not ratty!" "It is now, And keep it out of my barracks!" "Why would you do something like that?" "Oh!" "My bad, You must be Captain Stone," "Hmm, You're on my list... maggot," "You'd be on mine if I had a list," "I'll pretend that you didn't say that," "As you were," "Ooh!" "Trouble ahead. girl," "Well. there'll be trouble ahead for her. too," "You don't get it, In her mind." "you're just a lowly speck of dust," "Well. that's not how I see it." "OK?" "We may be in military school." "but we still live in a democracy," "Some things are just gonna have to change around here," "You're gonna change a school that's been around for a hundred years?" "I don't think so, My advice - don't cross Jennifer," "I hated it - the uniformity, the rules, the khaki of it all." "It was totally clear to me that George Washington Military Academy needed to become a kinder, gentler school, and it was up to me to do it." "I have to do everything." "Lights out!" "Ten minutes!" "What?" "Excuse me, My mom lets me stay up till midnight!" "Let's go. let's go!" "Ladies. roll out of those racks!" "Inspection's at 0800 hours, Let's go!" "Move!" "Come on!" "Out of those racks now!" "You will adhere to the following schedule, Am I understood?" "Sir. yes. sir!" "Reveille at 0600 hours!" "First mess 0645!" "None of this made sense." "There were 24 hours in a day, not 600." "And why, after cleaning, would you make a mess?" "You again, Everything clear. maggot?" "Well. now that you ask." "my watch only has 12 hours on it," "You get dumber by the minute. don't you?" "That is all," "You're forgetting something. maggot," "What?" "Oh!" "Now. who would put that there?" "Ma'am. permission to speak. ma'am, It's about the maggot. ma'am," "Ma'am. this cadet volunteers to teach the maggot military protocol and terminology. ma'am," "Do it, Fast!" "And tell her about the crocodile I wrestled," "First lesson: zip it and listen," "Two things I have never mastered," "Everybody has a rank, Basically. you salute officers," "I've heard of generals," "Uh. well. you can tell a person's rank by looking at their chevrons or insignia," "Oh." "Sergeant." "Major!" "Sergeant Major, Hi," "I'm guessing. but nobody seems to mind, Hey," "Hey. hey. hey, Stone." "Stone," "All right. there he is," " How's my hair?" " Perfect... as usual," "Whoa. is that Brad?" "Or the cutest boy I've ever seen?" "Or both?" "You got it," "Oh. my gosh. he looks just like a rock star," "And I would know." "because I've been this close to NSync," "Better stay away, He's the Stone's man," "And you'll be seeing them together at the Welcome Back dance on Friday," " Did you say dance?" " Yeah," " We're invited too, Everybody's invited," " Do we get to wear real clothes?" "Wear 'em if you got 'em," " Halt!" " I am so there," "Dismissed!" "OK. so I'm gonna casually bump into him and just bring up the Welcome Back dance," " Yes. ma'am," " All right," " Hair is good?" " Yes. ma'am," "Good," " What was that all about?" " I have no idea," "I thought she'd be happy about how quickly I was learning," "Oh," "It was here. just south of Mont-Saint-Jean that Napoleon foolishly tried to split the combined forces of Wellington and Blucher, Now. the result of this was that..." " Can this wait?" " Well... it would be dishonest of me not to tell you right now that I'm a conscientious objector," " I don't think I got anything right," " It's just a test to gauge your level," "I don't think I've hit a level yet," "At my old schooI. we only had to do math when we felt like it," "It was a really good system, We didn't have to sit while we were doing it. either," " Hey. whatcha got?" " Oh. nothing," "Just my dress for Friday night," "Let me see, Oh. my gosh. it's so beautiful," " You wanna see mine?" " Yeah. yeah!" "Let me see," "Is this yours?" "It's such a great color," "Oh. great, Oh. my God. rhinestones," "Oh, Oh. that's great, And look at the little top," "It's so cute," " Hey," " Hey," "Come on. let's go take a walk - or a march." "or whatever it is you guys call it here," "Sure," "Whoo, I believe in gun control," "Around here. that is gun control, Don't worry. they can't be fired," "The drill team's a big deal, It's like our arms football team," "You know. military life may be for some people. but it's just not for me," "It's something you have to adjust to," "People like Jennifer are used to it, Both her parents are army," " Commandant coming," " There's dust on those boots," "At ease." "Cadets, Where are you young ladies going?" "Home. to pick out some dresses for the dance Friday night," "Sir," "Be sure to pick out some nice ones, Carry on." "Cadets," "We will, See ya." "Joe," "You cannot talk to the commandant like that," "Well." "I sort of can," "You see. he's my stepdad, He and my mom met at a wedding." "and they liked it so much." "they decided to have one of their own," "You should tell Jennifer, She would go way easier on you," "That's a negative, She's my own battle," " Come on!" " I..." "I..." "It's OK," "You should pick first, They're yours," "Oh. no, It's so much more fun for me if you go first," " There she is!" "Hi. baby!" " Hey." "Mom," "One of the great things about Mom is she always greets you like you've been gone for three years." " So?" "How's school?" " It's... very nicely structured," " Mom. this is Carla," " Hi." "Carla, Nice to meet you," "Hi, Nice to meet you," "What do you think?" "Black. blue or silver?" "I think any one of them would look great on Carla," "Hmm, You know." "I think the blue is it, It's fabulous. so ten-minutes-from-now," "You know. girls. lunch is almost ready." "so come and get it," "Hmm," "Maybe there is a feminine side to military life," "Argh!" "Oh!" "Mama's not here to hold your hands, Let's go. people!" "Move it!" "Come on. hup-to. girls, Let me see those knees up. up. up!" "Come on. come on. come on!" "I'd like to see you skip that," "That's right - if I did. you would've had to fall back and do it again," "That's right, That's right, Come on!" " This is not a tea party!" " Let's go!" "Up. up. up. up. up!" "Let's go. people!" "Let's go. people!" "Move. move!" "That's high," "Let's go. go. go. go. go. go. go!" " Ouch, Ooh," " Oh. did you break a nail?" "I don't care!" "Move. move. move. move!" "My mama can move faster than that," "One. two, One. two, Let's go. let's go, Move faster. move faster, Come on!" " Pathetic!" "Let's go." "Collins!" " Go, go. go. go. go. go. go!" " Keep moving!" " You people are so slow!" "Come on. maggot. let's go, Let me see what you got," "I'm doing it!" "Whoo, I'm safe," "Hey, Go now!" "Go down," "Down!" "In the mud now!" "I wanna see you!" "Come on. crawI. crawI. crawl like the snake that you are, crawl!" "Come on. keep moving!" "You are an embarrassment to the squad. to your platoon," "I can't even..." "What are you doing?" "Keep moving!" " I give up," " Ow!" "Ow. ow. ow," " Aw, Collins. let's go," " Ow," "Get down here." "Cadet!" "Get down here right now. you maggot!" "So. what are you gonna do when a member of your team is counting on you?" "You're gonna leave a man behind?" "No!" "You're gonna rappeI down that rope and you're gonna get him!" "No one gets left behind!" "Is that clear?" "I hate heights, I'm even hoping not to get too tall," "Hello!" "I fall even when I'm just walking around!" "Atten-hut!" " Is anyone else out there?" " Sir. no. sir!" "Well done, The Welcome Back dance begins at 1900 hours," "Dismiss your squads," "Dismissed!" "Um..." "I'm getting a little hungry," "Ooh. how about sending for some Caesar salad with a little bit of Cajun chicken." "a touch of cilantro and a little bit of lemon dressing on the side." "with some of those oyster crackers?" "Yummy," "Fine," "Oh!" "Mommy!" "Whoo," "Sergeant Ramos will take over from here," "You're gonna do this course until you get it right," "But what about the dance?" " Hmm. uh. you're not gonna be there," " Are you sure you're allowed to do that?" "What are you gonna do about it?" "Tell your stepfather?" "Hmm?" " I'll tell you what I'm gonna do about it," " What?" "Absolutely nothing... ma'am," "Maggot," "Ten-hut!" "Back up!" "Let's go!" "Onto the tires!" "Go quick!" "And pick your feet up!" "Oh!" "This is just great!" " Why me?" " Let's go!" "Sergeant Gloria Ramos, my own private slave driver, was tough, but she didn't have Jennifer's 100 percent look of hatred." "I decided to try and find the real Gloria, the one who was craving to be human." "I'm sorry you have to stand over me like this and miss the dance," " I don't dance," " Don't you wanna listen to the music?" " I hate music," " Nobody hates music," "It's a primitive instinct which I'm sure you could unleash any time you want," "Never happened," "We have got to get to the bottom of your denial," " Get moving!" " I intend to," "I can diagnose and climb at the same time," "Under the wire." "Cadet!" "Ow!" "Ah!" " Your arm is bleeding!" " Oh. that's what that sticky red stuff is!" " How do you feel?" " I don't feel!" "I just wanna finish!" "I'm gonna do this." "and it's gonna be my personal best!" "Especially since I've never done this before," "From the halls of Montezuma." "to the shores of Tripoli" "That's the Marines!" "How about..." "Row. row. row your boat. gently..." "Ah!" "That's the Navy," "I don't think I'll ever be able to do this," "Back home in Ponce." "we have the most beautiful stars," "When I'm crawling in the mud here." "I pretend I am there." "on the beach." "and the sand is soft and warm," "Oh." "Gloria. that is pure poetry," "Let me show you, Use your elbows," "It gives you more stability and helps you get there faster," "Use your knees to push," "Then. when you have to get under some wire." "flatten yourself out completely. like this," " Ready?" " Yeah," "Go!" "I'm doing it!" "It stopped raining!" "Thanks." "Gloria," "Maybe sometime I can prove to you that good times aren't just for chumps," "I'll tell you what - you can try," "Um. mission accomplished!" "Fall out!" "I'm gonna go tell Carla, Yes!" "You get dressed up" "You hoad do wnto wn" "It's been a hard day s you try to got do wn" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Maggot!" "Eww!" "All right." "Kelly!" "Way to go." "Kelly!" "Well. at least somebody knows how to get down and dirty," "It would've been so cool if Sir had invited me to his office... under any other circumstances." "As you know. my father was commandant of this academy." "so I understand the position you're in," "He was harder on me than the others just to prove he was fair," "You know. in those days." "people didn't understand how fragile a child's psyche could be," "Don't worry. sir, You'll put it behind you someday," "I am not happy about your performance your first week here," "I'm not exactly happy with what's going on." "either, Things could be much better," "Did you know that there's this whole group who practice throwing around rifles?" "They're like robots or something," "I was one of those robots when I was in school here," "It's OK, You were young, You didn't know any better," "Captain Stone says that you purposefully damaged her personal belongings in the form of a white dress." "which you willfully laid your hands on," "It was not purposefully..." "or willfully. sir," "I lost my footing approaching the dance." "and I accidentally..." "Captain Stone isn't the only one that I've had complaints from," "Your teachers are finding your lack of discipline... problematic. to say the least," "It's time that you learn how we operate around here," "Uniformity is something we strive for," " Are you sure that's a good thing?" " I'm positive," "Although individual dignity is respected." "the individual is at the service of the group," "That's why we call it the service," "That's a lesson you need to learn." "Private Collins. and you will learn it," "Dismissed," "All right, It's time for you to go home, Tell your mother I'll be there shortly," "You have reached Adam Collins." "Please leave a message." "I just called to say hi," "There's absolutely nothing to worry about." "even though I'm kinda miserable," "It's because I'm allergic to the country," "OK." "I gotta go, Bye," "I had given George Washington a whole week, and it seemed that it and I would never get along." "I had to tell Mom, "I don't wanna stay here. "" "Mom. can I have your lap?" "I need to tell you something," "OK, 'Cause I have something to tell you too," " You can go first," " OK," "Uh." "Kelly. uh..." "I'm just gonna come right out and say it." "OK?" "We're gonna have a baby," " A ba... a baby?" " Yeah," " A baby?" " A baby," "Wow. a baby," "You know." "KeI." "I will still love you 100 percent," "And I'm sure I'm gonna love this baby." "but I will always love you longer," "Me too." "Mom, I will always love you longer," "OK," "Ta-da!" "The baby's room is gonna need those beautiful paintings you do so well," "Oh." "I love it when you use psychology on me," "Mom. you have made me a very happy daughter," "Good, Now. what were you gonna tell me?" "Me?" "Um..." "I..." "I was going to tell you that. um." "Carla's turned out to be a very good friend," "I couldn't tell her I wanted to quit school." "We couldn't bring a baby into this world among even one ounce of chaos." " Hello," " Hi," " How are ya?" " Good," " Well." "I just told Kelly our good news," " Yeah," "Congratulations... big sister," "A handshake?" "Suddenly, it dawned on me that Sir wasn't ready to be a father yet." "List of things to do.: give Mom total support, woman-to-woman,:" "help Sir understand his new fatherly role,:" "and try to convince the military to let people use their own blankets." "I had to do everything." "OK. ladies. let's go!" "OK, Great," "Well." "I know there has to be something wrong here," "Ma'am. no. ma'am," "Well... you got away with it this time - whatever "it" is," "You know..." "I do believe that I said something about this ratty thing," "Oh. yeah, That I never wanted to see it in my barracks ever again," "Hmm," "Oh..." "Ooh," "Wow," "Oh!" "And now I won't," "Sweet dreams. maggot," "As you were," "Am I supposed to just let her do this to me." "Carla?" "Mm-hm. yeah, Now just go to bed," "Shh!" "I'm gonna figure this out," " Get back in your bed." "Cadet," " This is between me and her, OK?" "Shh!" "Whoo!" "I know it was you, And I have a present for you," "Around here. we call it a court-martiaI," "I feel terrible I didn't get anything for you. ma'am," "So what does it mean?" "It means she'll have to appear in cadet court," " Shall we get a lawyer?" " The cadets run these things themselves," "I review the verdict and mete out the punishment," "Oh. honey. that puts you in such a difficult position," "So you know what?" "Don't go too easy on her, But maybe not too hard. either," "This is the job I've wanted all my life, Ever since I was a kid here," "Listening to my dad. watching him." "living in this house, I can't blow it," "And you think one little girl is gonna make that happen?" "I didn't..." "till I met the one little girl who could," "I think I'm gonna take a walk," "Joe..." "I'm sorry." "Mom, I didn't mean to," "OK," "Come and sit down," "Come here, It's OK, It's OK," "Mom..." "Kelly..." "You're gonna have to say sorry to the court," "Maybe we shouldn't have come here," "Mom. you never asked me if I wanted to come here," "Kelly..." "Kelly!" "Section 101,2:" "failure to maintain orderly quarters," "Section 103,4:" "violation of the uniform dress code," " Section..." " Speaking of dress code... your. uh. cover. please." "Cadet Captain Stone," "Section 102,2: insubordination," " Section..." " Captain," "The evidence. please," "My client would like to point out that it's just paint - it'll wash out," "This concludes the proceedings, Deliberations will begin immediately," " Oh. no, I forgot to tell 'em I was sorry," " Apology not accepted," "Not to you, To them. ma'am," "I hope we got across it was a crime of passion, I had to retaliate," " They couldn't possibly find me..." " Guilty," "The cadet will report to the commandant's office immediately for sentencing," "I've thought long and hard about your punishment." "and I think I've come up with just the one," "I hereby sentence you to... the drill team," "The drill team?" "Sir." "I'm not really good at being on teams," " I'm more of a solo artist," " Who said you'd be on the team?" "That would be an honor, I'm sentencing you to be equipment manager," "You're expected to keep the uniforms orderly: polish boots and brass:" "maintain rifles. guidons." "scabbards and sabers," "Around here." "that is referred to as a scut job," "Maybe you'll learn some respect for property," "And hopefully. you'll learn what this group" " the one that practices with rifles." "the one you refer to as robots - is all about," "1970," "I was on the team that year, We came in third, We haven't done that well since," "That's going to change, colonel Mikkelson is team advisor," "Report to him Monday morning in the gym after classes and get yourself squared away," "Dismissed," "One. two, One. two," " Hello?" " Hey." "Kelly," "Are you OK?" "I got your message," "It always worries me when you try to sound happy." "Oh." "I'm great, Except for I got court-martialed," " That's terrific. honey," " Um... and I'm on the drill team," "Well. not exactly on it. but..." "I am so proud of you," " Well." "I just called to tell you that," " Oh, OK. honey," " I gotta go," " OK. bye." "Dad," "The point is to keep the gear clean. polished and ready to go," "It's just like in combat - when you need something. you need it now and you need it to work, Understood?" " Sir. yes. sir," " Go to it." "Cadet," "Eww," "I don't know. but I've been told Jennifer's hair is painted gold" "She's so mean. she hardly breathes I'll be happy when she leaves" "I don't know. but I've been told Jennifer's heart is mighty cold" " How cold?" " real cold," " How cold?" " Ice-cold!" "Oops," "So... you call that a shoeshine?" "You know. we can get gigged for that," "Now. that's how you do it," "You make me laugh." "Cadet Kelly," "Flip arms!" "Reverse flip arms!" "Port arms!" "Flip reverse!" "Present arms!" "At ease," "As you know. we have a meet coming up in two weeks, But it isn't just a practice," "It's our first step towards winning the regionals," "So... make me proud," "Atten-hut!" "Sir. yes. sir!" "Flip arms!" "Reverse flip arms!" "That's when it hit me - this was like "Swan Lake, "" "only, instead of tutus, everyone was wearing uniforms." "But still, it was so beautiful." "Sure." "I'll help you with the equipment," "Our team may not be the best." "but it'll be the shiniest," "That is so incredibly nice of you," "Part of what we learn here is to help each other," "I swear I would, If only I'd... fit in. you know?" " No one fits in at first," " So. what about you?" "Me?" "I'm lucky to be here," "Home wasn't..." "It wasn't what I would've picked out," "This is like a heaven on Earth for a girl like me," "Hey." "Carla. you think you'd like to have dinner with us Friday night?" " Maybe stay over?" " Hmm," " Sure, I'd love that," " OK," "Sir, Can I borrow some spit. sir?" "Promise to pay you back," "Hey." "Brad." "I was just wondering if you could help me with some moves for the big meet," " Sure," " cool," "'Cause I would really love to beat Rahway Academy just once." "and I'm sure you would too," "I don't mean to brag." "but I always bring luck to things." "and sometimes people rub my head," "Guns. please," " Here you go." "Brad," " Thanks," "Sure," "GWMA invitational practice meet" " Rahway High School - will begin in five minutes." "Forward march!" "There they are, Rahway High school," "Let's not get psyched out here. people," "Everything squared away." "Captain?" "Ma'am." "I always have spares. ma'am, Here," "Port up!" "Time to shine," "Port arms!" "Right shoulder... up!" "Forward hup!" "George Washington Military Academy drill team," "Rahway High school." "unarm the competition," "Aye-aye. sir!" "Rahway High school drill team," "Move!" "Kick!" "Forward march!" "USMC!" "Sir!" "I expect you all to do a heck of a lot better next time," "We obviously have to practice." "practice. practice," "That performance today was a complete and total..." "Come on. give it a rest," "It's not practice that we need," "In the regulation phase." "we're as good as anybody," "The problem is the exhibition phase," "I mean. we need inspiration, Originality, Creativity," "Anyways. good job. people, We'll get 'em next time when it counts, Dismissed," "What are you doing?" "Shoot," "Uh... nothing, It's just a little something I thought would cheer you up," "Do it again," " And that's an order," " Sir. yes. sir!" "OK, here was my to-do list.:" "keep Sir and Mom's relationship going, shepherd a baby into the world, and win a drill team medal for Brad." "I have to do everything." "Wish me luck," " Hey," " Hey yourself." "Private," " What's this?" " It's a bracelet you tie on your wrist," "You make a wish." "and when it falls off your wish comes true," "Or a scarf from nepal." "bangles from the bazaar in Marrakesh," "You know." "I feel kinda silly offering you these things. but... it's all I got," "What's the catch?" "I've decided to try out for the drill team, And I need you to be my coach," "It wouldn't be professional if you didn't let me pay you," "Once again, I'd seen it proven true - accessories are a girl's best friend." "Who is the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States?" "Wait a minute, I know this," "How many counts from right shoulder arms to port arms?" "Did you just say." ""How many arms does a shoulder have?"?" "Spin order arms!" "Ooh!" "I'll Im'alkd It on Im'y o wn this tllm'o" "INIo w watch Im'o shlno" "Better watch out Going for the knockout" "And I won't stop till I'm on top now" "Not gonna give up until I get what's mine" "Better check that I'm about to upset" "And I'm glad now So you better step back" "I'Im' talking olvory so watch Im'o shlno" "Ooh" "O h yoa h yoa h" " How'd I do?" " Not bad," "For a maggot," " What's next?" " Nothing," "Nothing more we can do," "Try out for the new element on Wednesday. and you... are ready," "Thank you!" "Thank you." "Gloria!" "Oh. yes!" "Thank you. thank you!" "I made it." "I made it." "I made it!" "I made it." "I made it!" "Oh. yeah!" "Oh. yeah!" "Oh. yeah!" "Yeah. real cheerleader stuff." "Brad, I hope you noticed the flaw in her execution," "This concludes the tryouts," "The roster for the expanded spring flight will be posted on the board at 09:30 tomorrow," "Good luck to everyone," "Cadet Collins," "It's come to my attention." "without my knowledge or approval." "that you've tried out for the drill team," "Sir... sir. yes. sir," "And that furthermore. on the recommendation of Cadet Captain Rigby." "you've made it," "Congratulations," "I want you to know how proud I am of you," "So... do we hug or salute or shake or something?" "Permission to speak. sir," "I admit it was a good idea for you to sentence me to the drill team," "It was a great lesson for me, But. sir." "you have some lessons to learn. too," "And. uh... what might those be?" "We have a baby to raise. sir, And frankly." "I think you're going to need my help," "Babies can't salute, They're little, They cry even when they don't have to," "They're not exactly clean. but they smell pretty good - most of the time," "They have to be smiled at constantly." "and you have to carry them around all night and day," "If not. they tend to yell," "Permission to teach," "Hup. hup. hup. hup." "hup. hup. hup. hup. hup. hup..." "Cartoon figures dance in my head Uh-huh" "Cold like in my isolation cell" "In tho wlntor whllo Iklsslng M r IF 'rozo" "Take the weather man and throw him away" "Hey, hey" "Love is a desert and I need it to rain" "You are so good at keeping me company" "You are relating to a psychopath" "Your rolo Im'odol Is In thoralpy" "You must be real far gone" "You're relating to a psychopath" "Ooh-wah!" "Noah's elephants are leaving the ark in eights" "Love is butter Won't you be my bread?" "Crickets sing in three-part harmony" "I try to walk away I choke and I stumble" "I'm flying back so listen close when I mumble" "That you are so good at keeping me company" "Yoa h oh" "You are relating to a psychopath" "Your rolo Im'odol Is In thoralpy" "You must be real far gone" "You're relating to a psychopath" "Yoa h" "It nolvor adds ulp whon you do your Im'ath" "You are relating to a psychopath" "Yos I'Im' ral fa r gono" "You're relating to a psychopath" "Oh, when the sun goes down" "W hon tho sun goos do wn" "Bravo, That is great, I mean." "what you guys are doing. those moves," "I mean." "I think we could work something like that into the exhibition phase at the regionals," "What?" "You're kidding. right?" "That-that-that... this is my solo," "I don't even remember what I did," "Anyway. it doesn't even matter, I mean. there was fire. spirit," "Our team could use a little more of that, Do it again - it was good," "The Battle of the Choisin Reservoir in the frigid winter of 1950-51 was not a retreat but an advance to the rear," "One of the greatest strategic rescue operations in military history." "even if it was the Marines," " So. advancing to the rear is a good thing," " In this case. an excellent thing," "The 1 st Division stayed together." "worked together and survived together," "Wow." "It continued to amaze me that the stuff you learn in military school could actually apply to real life." "I suddenly understood why it was important to stomach Jennifer." "Hi," "Uh..." "I mean. ma'am. hi. ma'am," "Ma'am. this cadet has some really cool ideas about a routine that she'd like to share with the captain," "Oh, cool ideas. huh?" "Well." "I'm sure you told Brad," "Ma'am. no. ma'am," "You are my partner," "And commanding officer," "I work with you," "Permission to discuss..." "Cadet," "Boy. is Dad gonna be surprised," "He thinks dinner comes in those little white containers you get at Chinese restaurants," "I'll get it!" " Dad," " Hey!" " Ohh!" " Dad!" "I miss you," "Ohh!" "Oh!" " Nice to see you again." "Adam," " Hey, Thanks," "Nice of you to have me." "Joe," "Oh," "And nice of you to take such good care of our little girl," "Hmm, Hey. hey. hey, Look what I got ya," "Now. close your eyes, No peeking'," "Tight," "Open," "Brunei, The sultan gave me a special price just for you," " Hello." "Adam," " Hey." "Sam, You're looking..." " ... big," " Thank you," " Huge," " So you said," "OK. uh. dinner will be ready in five minutes," "Well. maybe six, I hope you like turkey, Oh. and guess what," "You're not going to believe this - when I bought this turkey. it was raw," " No," " Yes," "Remember what I wrote to you about rock climbing in Today Magazine?" "Well." "I have taken an assignment right here in the Hudson Valley," "Extreme climbing in the Shawangunk Mountains," "I'll be shooting at Rockridge Point." "which means..." "I'll be able to see you in the drill team competition," "So." "I'm just gonna get some shots in the early morning." "and then it's you and me at 11 am," "We'll even synchronize our watches and everything," " Promise?" " Promise," "Attention, master-level competitors, now hear this.:" "the inspection phase of all flights will begin in the field house at 1100 hours." " Sir," " Cadet Major," "We're gonna blow 'em out of their socks." "because this time. we have something no one's ever seen before," "Our secret weapons," " Cadet Captain Stone," " Sir," "I'd like you to check the schedule and report back immediately," "Yes. sir," " Cadet Kelly?" " Yes. sir," "I want you to double-check the rifles. so..." "Or not," "How did you get here?" "Well. your mom called my mom." "and my mom called the car service," "Everyone. this is Amanda," "She's my best and truest friend," "Yeah." "OK. so this is Gloria." "Rose." "Leslie." "Taylor." "Allison and Sam," "I'd like to welcome you all to this year's" "Northeast regional Drill Team Competition," "Whoo!" "Let me to say to all the fathers and mothers present today:" "you ought to be very. very proud of these young people," "Let the inspection phase begin!" "And may the best flight win," "What do the stripes on the flag of the United States of America represent?" "Sir. the 13 original colonies. sir," "How many counts are there to a right-face movement?" "What elements make up the Marine Corps symbol?" "Who is the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States of America?" "Sir. the President of the United States. sir!" "How does the cadet render a courtesy to a superior officer when not in formation?" "Sir. when rendering courtesy to an individual with a cadet's rifle and right shoulder. left shoulder or port arms and not in formation. sir." "the cadet will execute present arms. sir!" "The cadet will please demonstrate," "As you were," "How many original colonies were there?" "How long have you worked on your shoot?" "When is the Marine Corps' birthday?" "Who is the Secretary of Defense?" "Sir. the Honorable Donald Rumsfeld. sir!" "A perfect ten across the board, Way to go. people," "All right. all right," "Let's not rest on our laurels, We're gonna take this one all the way home," "What was that?" "It's my Dad, He's supposed to be here," "Dad?" "Dad?" "Dad!" "If that had have gone off in there." "the whole flight..." "The whole flight would've been summarily disqualified. thanks to you," "You know what?" "I don't even know what you were thinking." "bringing a phone in there," "My dad is the only one who calls me on it," "And only when he really needs to talk to me," "It's our lifeline," "I'm sorry," "Maybe your truest friend can help you out of this one," "I..." "Carla." "I wasn't thinking when I said that," "I'm so sorry," "OK. people. don't wander off, Stay close," "We're gonna have to give this one our best shot," "Attention, master-level flights.:" "the regulation phase for the George Washington Military Academy," "Rahway High School and Jefferson High School will begin in ten minutes." "Flight. atten-hut!" "At ease," "Well." "I've looked forward to this." "not for months - for years," "You look good, I know you're ready," "And I wanna thank you for representing our school, It means a lot to me," "Do us proud," "Let's do it again," "Hey," " Win or lose. you're gonna be great," " Sir. yes. sir," " What is it?" " It's nothing. sir, It's nothing," "I know you well enough to know it's never nothing," "Talk to me." "Cadet, What's wrong?" "Sir. this cadet's worried that her father's hurt," "Why?" "Have you heard something?" "Sir. no. sir," "But he's not here. and he promised he'd be here, You heard him," "This cadet's father's known to take chances," "His cell phone is out." "and that never happens," "When was the last time you heard from him?" "Um. he tried to call me a coupla hours ago." "sir. but the line went dead," " It happens," " Sir. yes. sir," "But he's not here. and he knows how important this is to me," " Do you wanna go look for him?" " No. sir," "This cadet will stay with her flight, This cadet will not let her team down," "This cadet will not let you down," "I just know something's happened to him. though," " How do you know?" " I just know." "OK?" " Let's go find him," " Negative. sir," "This cadet knows how important this competition is to the commandant," "This cadet knows her duty," " And this cadet..." " Cadet Major Rigby can handle it," "They'll go down to three elements, This cadet also has a duty to her father," "Let's go," "Thank you. sir," "He said he was gonna be at Rockridge Point," "I know where that is," " Everyone accounted for?" " Uh. hold on," "Guess who's missing," "Dad!" "Dad!" "Dad!" "This is his camera bag," "Gloria," "Tell the fourth element to stand down," "Once a maggot... always a maggot," "Dad!" "Dad!" "Dad!" "Dad!" "Dad!" "Command center." "general Maxwell," "We have a man down roughly 1,6 miles due south of county road 35 near Rockridge Point," "Request rescue team and ambulance immediately, All right," " I'm going down to him," " No. you're not, I can't risk it," " We wait for the rescue squad," " Sir." "I'm not gonna leave my father alone!" "I'm going to rappel down to him. and you can't do it because you're too heavy and I can't pull you back up, It has to be me," "Don't worry" " I've been trained," "I can do this," "George Washington Military Academy requests your permission to utilize your drill deck. sir!" " Permission granted," " I can't see her, Where is she?" "OK. just ease yourself over the side, You don't have to rush," "One foot at a time. slow!" "Nice and easy!" "Concentrate, You can do it," "You OK?" "I'm fine!" "You want me to pull you back up?" "No. sir," "Kelly?" " Can you make it?" " The rope's too short!" "Kelly?" "Kelly?" "Aaaargh!" "Dad!" "Dad!" "KeI..." " That first step's a doozie," " Oh." "Dad," "Report!" "Situation under controI. sir!" "GWMA. sir!" "Dad," "Well done," "Kelly," "At that moment, I realized that Sir was ready to have this baby." "This really is a photo op, If only I had my camera," "I would show my dad... and my dad... both brave. both safe," "And both mine," "Two dads," "And." "Kelly. you can have two best friends," "Sir went into father-mode so quickly, the only thing I could do was smile." "Maybe, just maybe, I don't quite have to do everything." "We're down by five points," "You and Kelly are our only chance, You're the most unique thing we have," "And unless a miracle happens." "we don't have a chance," "I knew it, I knew it, I knew that she was just a little..." "Maggot?" "Is that what you were going to say. ma'am?" "Or were you going to call me ma'am?" "If so. you must be confused," "At ease," "On my order." "Kelly has been officially excused from the regulation phase," "Carry on," "And good luck," "Sir, Cadet Kelly Collins." "reporting for duty. sir," "And expecting to win," "Attention, flight finalists." "The exhibition phase will begin in five minutes." "OK. people. let's get ready to rumble, Fall out," "You go. girls," "It's not that I like Amanda better, It's just that I've liked her longer," "I'm sorry, Friends?" "Yeah," "Representing the George Washington Military Academy," "Cadet Captain Jennifer Stone and Cadet Kelly Collins..." " At ease, - ... in unarmed competition." "We have a lot of ground to make up 'cause of you," "It's a good thing we're excellent at this," "Atten-hut!" "Let's do it," "I wear a disguise I'm just your average Jane" "The super doesn't stand for model but that doesn't mean I'm plain" "If all you see is how I look, you miss the super chick within" "And I christen you "Titanic, " underestimate and swim" "And I'm a one-girl revolution" "I'm a one girl-revolution I'm a one girl-revolution" "GWMA!" "nd I'll bo olvorythlng that I wanna bo" "I aim' confldonco and Insocurllty" "I am a voice yet waiting to be heard" "I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world" "And I'm a one-girl revolution" "I'Im' a ono girl rlvolutlon" "I'Im' a ono girl rlvolutlon" "Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl" "I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world" "I declare my independence from the critics and their stones" "I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone" "nd I'll bo olvorythlng that I wanna bo" "I aim' confldonco and Insocurllty" "I am a voice yet waiting to be heard" "I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world" "And I'm a one-girl revolution" "I'm a one-girl revolution" "I'm a one-girl revolution" "Everything that I wanna be..." "I am a voice yet waiting to be heard" "I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world" "Whoo!" "Ladies and gentlemen." "may I have your attention." "Please?" "Spectacular, I don't think I've ever seen a better regional," "Or a closer one. either," "So without further ado..." "third place." "the bronze. goes to Thomas Jefferson High School of Redding." "Connecticut," "And the winner." "In the closest voting since the competition began. is... by one point..." "Rahway High School. who takes the gold," "Over the George Washington Military Academy." "Who takes the silver," "Well done." "All," " We got beat," " No. we didn't," "We medaled, I mean. we're going to the nationals," " It's my fault, If I hadn't have..." " That's right," "If you hadn't joined the team we would have never gotten this far," "Right then, I knew I would be telling my grandchildren about this someday." "Um... uh..." "Next year. we'll be even better," "If you and I can work on our routines together. there's no telling what..." "Actually. there's not gonna be a next year for me," "You see. my father got transferred to Europe. so. uh..." "I'm moving," "But I do have one wish for you." "Cadet," "That you become a platoon leader... and have to deal with a little maggot..." "just like you," "Flight. fall in!" "Forward... hup!" "Right face!" "Stop!" "Left face!" "Present arms!" "Spin order... arms!" "Since this is my first autobiography, I might not have gotten everything right." "The events are true, the feelings are genuine, and my memoirs are finished." "But I might have forgotten what everyone was wearing."