"Aha!" "You like it?" "Well, everybody join with me." "We sing together, huh?" " Thank you." "Thank you." "Thank you." "You want more?" "You do?" "Well, aren't you wonderful?" "Wait." "Don't go away." "I'll be right ba" "I'll be right back with the luscious Colette." "Boy, it's a great audience." "Best yet." " They love you." " And what about you?" " I love you too." " Well, give me a kiss." " No." "Turn around." " Not till you give me a kiss." "Okay." " You know something?" " What?" "Gapeaux will be moving us up to the Terrace Room soon." "The big show." " He's crazy if he doesn't." " Don't say that." "He is crazy." " Hurry up." "Come on." " All right." "Thank you." "Come." "Duran is landing any minute." "We've got Nice on the television." "Come on!" "Oh, it's Duran!" "Come on." "Come with me." "Duran is landing." "Come with me." " Okay." "Ready?" " Wait a second, lassie." " There is a wee spot on my kilt here." " Well, I'll fix that." "Stop it!" "You tickle." " Hey, we're on." "Watch it, Mac." " What" "Hey!" "Wait a minute." "What's going on in there?" " It is Duran." "He's landing." " Duran!" "Let's go and see!" "Huge crowds have gathered to welcome the nation's hero..." "Capitaine Henri Duran." "Not since the arrival of Lindbergh... has a flight created so much excitement." "When his magnificent plane, the Victory, touches the ground... he will have broken the round-the-world nonstop flight record... by more than 12 hours, a great, great achievement." "You can feel the mounting tension of the crowd." "Is he gonna land in all that fog?" "Jack, don't be so vain." "Put on your glasses so you can see something." " Ah, it is he!" "The Victory is coming in!" "Just listen to that crowd roar!" "And now, on the platform, the distinguished committee of high officials... waits to receive the great capitaine." "Even the air minister is here to pay him honor." "In just a moment now, Capitaine Duran will appear." "He has been at the controls for more than two days... and, without sleep, he must be exhausted." " Bravo!" "The first to greet the capitaine... are Philippe Labrix and Louis Forel... his associates in the manufacture of these magnificent planes." "We have been told that Air Europa has given them a contract for 50 of them." "Hey, Colette." "Doesn't he look familiar to you?" "Kind of like somebody we know?" " Mmm" " Huh?" "Huh?" "You know, he looks much like you!" "That's what I thought, too, except I didn't want to be the one to say it." " Good-looking chap, isn't he?" "Aha!" "Here is Madame Duran... the beautiful wife of the capitaine." "Oh, no, no." "Sorry." "That is not Madame Duran." "It is Elena Petrovna, the ballet dancer." "Ah, now we have Madame Duran." "A situation, no?" "No." "No, sorry again." "That is Marilyn Turner, the American movie star." "Wait, wait!" "Let us hope that this is Madame Duran!" "Ah, oh, yes." "There is no doubt." "This is really Madame Duran." "What a giant among men." "Capitaine Duran." "Capitaine, please." "Would you kindly say a few words to the television audience?" " Congratulations, Capitaine!" " Did you have any trouble, Capitaine?" " What did you think about while you were making this flight?" " Will you give us a statement?" " I would be delighted." " The whole world is waiting to hear you." "My dear friends, thank you very much." "I am deeply moved by this demonstration." "I, uh" " I would like to say more, but I'm sure you will excuse me." "I am really so very tired." "All I would like now is a bottle of champagne, and after that..." "I would like to go to bed for a week." "Who will join me in cheering my brave comrades who have made this achievement possible?" " Bravo." " Bravo!" " How can he?" " What?" "Look at other women." "His wife is so beautiful." "Boy, look at those eyes." "Those" "Now, come on, you." "Back to work." "I've got those too." "I've got beautiful eyes." "This concludes our broadcast brought to you... from the Nice Airport." "We now return you to the studio." "I sure hate to follow that guy." "He's terrific, isn't he?" " Oh, Jack." " Yes?" " Monsieur Gapeaux- he wants to see you." " He does?" " Uh-huh." " I'll be right with him." "Thank you, Andre." " Right." " Did you hear that?" "Gapeaux wants to see me." "Here we go, baby, up to the Terrace Room and a raise." " I do not like it." " Why not?" " Because when you want to see him, that's a raise." " Yeah?" "But when he wants to see you, I don't like it." "Ah, do not fret, my bonny lassie." "The clan MacMartin has never lost a battle yet." "Hee-hee!" "No!" "Saturday night, you are through." "Through?" "But I don't get it." "Why?" "Because I no longer find you amusing." "That's just a matter of personal taste." "I don't happen to like olives." " The audience loved me." " I do not care about the audience!" " It is what I like that matters." " But business is great!" "Oh, please do not argue, Monsieur Martin." "I've seen everything you do, and I'm bored." "After all, I have to live too." "Look, Monsieur Gapeaux, I can give you something new." "I've got a lot of other things I can do." "If you can do something sensational, I might reconsider." "In the meantime, Saturday night, you are through." "Well, thank you very much." " Sensational, huh?" " And it better be better than you are doing now!" "Yeah." " Something sensational, huh?" "Yeah, sure." "Any little thing will do, just so he likes it." "Who cares what he likes?" "Who tells him to watch?" " He owns the place." " Oh!" "Look, let's not argue, will you, sweetie?" "Let's just think." "Wait a minute." "Maybe this will go." "Ah!" "I'm mortified!" "Nothin', huh?" "Well, I don't know." "I just don't know." "I" " Wait a minute." "Who is that?" "Never mind." " You really think I look like him?" " Who?" " Duran." " What has that to do with this?" "Nothin'." "Nothin'." "I was just lookin'." " Well, you look like him, but you do not, uh" " Do not what?" "Well, it's just that you do not." "I mean, you see, when you look at Duran, something happens to you." " Yeah." " And when I look at you" "Fine." "I suppose if Duran walked in here now, you'd run off with him and leave me flat." "No, Jack, I wouldn't leave you flat." " I'm in love with you." " Mmm." "But everyone is in love with Duran... and I'm the only one in love with you." " You see?" "That's the difference." " Oh." " No savoir faire, huh?" " No savoir faire." "Oh, well, that's just an act like anything else is." "He happens to be the big hero at the moment, a great lover." " You know something?" " What?" " I could have what he's got just like that." "I'll show you." "It's very simple." "Watch." "Capitaine, I trust you find this table satisfactory?" " Quite." "Thank you very much, Gapeaux." " Oh, not at all." " Madame?" " Thank you." "Mesdames... et messieurs... we take great pleasure... in presenting... to you..." "Monsieur Jack Martin... in his impersonation of... the one and only Capitaine Henri Duran!" " Duran!" " Ahh!" "My dear friends" "Mimi, Fifi... and Celia." "I don't recall your face... but I'd like to be familiar." "It's uncanny." "You should at least pretend to be amused, my dear." "Oh, it is amusing, Henri, and very enlightening." "India!" "Pardon." "Hello." "Eeh!" "Eeh!" "Oh, oh." "Eeh!" "Oh, oh!" "Eeh!" "Oh, eeh!" "Oh, eeh, oh!" "Oh!" "Hey!" " Oh, good, good!" " What about Duran?" "Is he applauding?" "With his hands, yes, but with his face, I don't know." " Oh." " Go ahead." "Come on." " Capitaine, I do hope you were not offended." " On the contrary." "We found it terribly amusing." "Didn't we, my dear?" "Oh, terribly." "I should like to go back and meet Jack Martin." "But of course!" "He would be delighted." " Would you excuse me, my dear?" " This is quite refreshing." " What?" " Your going backstage to see a man." "Hmm." "I won't be very long." "Don't worry about us, Henri." "We'll either be here or in the bar." " Excuse me." "Please, his dressing room is just downstairs." " Monsieur Gapeaux." " Yes?" "You must come at once." "The magician had a terrible fight with his wife." " She ran off with his rabbit." " Oh!" "Will you excuse me, Capitaine?" "This is very sad." " You see, he loves that rabbit." "Quick." " Right here." " Eugenie!" " Henri!" "My little soufflé!" "It's been such a long time." "Two years!" "Yes." "And still the soufflé has not fallen." " Oh, Henri." "I must go now." "You will call me?" " Yes." "Same number?" " And if a man answers?" " That is my husband." "He will take the message." " Very touching!" "Soufflé, huh?" " I beg your pardon?" "You no-good two-face." "The minute you think my back is turned" "Mademoiselle, you are making a mistake." " I'm not the one who makes mistakes." " But this time you are." "Allow me to introduce myself." "I am Capitaine Henri Duran at your service." "Capitaine Henri Duran!" "Do you expect me to believe" "Ah!" "You see, the mustache is real." "It's incredible!" "Oh, you've come to see Jack." "You're angry with him." " You do not wish me to be angry with him?" " Please, no." "Ah." "I take it you are interested in him." "Very much." "Mademoiselle, you should not be interested in imitations." "You have too much to offer yourself." "A beautiful girl like you should have the real thing." "Capitaine Duran, are you making love to me?" "But of course." "What are you doing, my dear, after the show?" " I have a previous engagement." "Perhaps I could, uh, persuade you to break it?" "You probably could, but I'm not going to let you." " Tomorrow night?" " No." "Well, then perhaps you will come to my villa Saturday evening." " Certainly not!" " You misunderstand, my dear." "We're having a large reception, and the house will be filled with people." "Capitaine Duran, that's a very old one." "I come, and all the other guests have failed to show up, eh?" "Oh, it is my misfortune that they all will be there." "But please come anyway." " Here's my card." " Henri!" " Henri, this telegram" " Read it." "It is urgent." " Yes." "Just a moment." " You will come?" " I will think about it." " Good." " Good night, Capitaine." " Good night." " Will you excuse me?" "Antoine just brought it over." "Read it, Henri." " For heaven's sake, read it!" " Calm yourself, Philippe." ""Regret to advise Air Europa unable to execute contract..." ""for purchase of Victory planes..." ""pending further tests." " Periton."" " He's only fooling, yes?" " I wish he were, Philippe." " Why should Periton do this?" "He needs our planes." "Periton is playing a game." "He knows I'm overextended at the bank and need money desperately." " If he delays signing the contract, we are ruined." " Oh!" "He will buy our company for a song and make the planes himself." " He cannot do this." "It would finish us." " Definitely." "Unless" " Unless I can raise the money from someone else." " But who?" " Monsieur Alonzo." "Yes!" "He always liked me." "But suppose he does not give us the money." "Henri, let's take what we can and fly to South America." "Stop trembling, Philippe." "If you look like that, no one will give us a penny." "Pull yourself together." "If one word of this leaks out, we are ruined, all finished!" "Now, come." "I will telephone Monsieur Alonzo for an appointment immediately." " Thank you, madame." " You're quite welcome." "What about the impersonation?" "Did you like that too?" "Well, you're enormously successful, monsieur." " Why should my opinion make any difference?" " But it does." " It's the only opinion that counts." " Lili, we must be going." " Henri will be waiting." " Sit down, Louis." " Mine is the only opinion that matters?" " That's right." "And if I didn't like your impersonation... would you stop doing it?" " Well, I don't know." " Oh, don't be frightened, Monsieur Martin." "I'm not going to suggest that you drop it." "What about the captain?" "Did he like it?" "Oh, yes, very much." "He's backstage at this very moment, seeing you." "I know." "That's why I came in here." "Tell me something, monsieur." "I'm very curious." "When you do these impersonations, how do you go about it?" "Do you make a study of your victim?" "Well, as much as I can." "It's something that comes to me kind of easy, I guess." "Well, as much as I can." "It's something that comes to me kind of easy, I guess." "I try to mimic his way of speaking, his mannerisms." "You know, sort of put myself in his shoes." "Like, uh- Madame, you are very beautiful." "This actor, this Jack Martin... has never met a woman like you before." "It will go to his head, like wine." "Yes, monsieur." "You do do it easily." " I suppose you could even do an impression of me." " No, madame." "To capture you, I would have to reach up for some stars... seek the petals of a white rose... the blue of the sky over the Mediterranean..." " the sadness that I see in" " Sadness?" "Yes." "The sadness that I " "Forgive me, madame." "When I do Captain Duran, I get carried away." "It's a wonderful part." "If I may say so, monsieur, you have brought something to it... that I don't think you saw in the original." "Thank you." " Now, if you'll excuse us, I think we'd better get back." " I should think so." " Good night, Monsieur Martin." " Good night." "I hope I've given you some new ideas to use as Capitaine Duran." "You've given me some new ideas to use as Jack Martin." " Good night." " Good night." ""New ideas", huh?" "Dropped this, sweetie." "Oh, Jack, darling!" "This is gorgeous!" "What?" "Oh, wait a minute." "That belongs to Madame Duran." " Is that so?" " Hey, Colette!" "Glorious day." "Such beautiful girls." "I hope Henri gets the money." "Ah, yes, Louis, you are in trouble." "Today you are a rich, fat man." "Tomorrow you'll be only a fat man." " Periton!" " Stop thinking about Periton." "Thinking about him?" "I see him, there, with Lili!" " What is he doing here?" " He's down here for the kill, no doubt." "Let's find out." "Come on." "Stop looking like that." "Smile!" " Hmm?" " Smile!" "Forgive me." "Oh, gentlemen." " I'm delighted to see you." " Good morning." " Good morning." " We thought you were in Paris." " Yes." "What brings you here?" " What brings anyone here?" " Climate, beautiful girls- and, uh, business." "Uh, business?" "Yes." "I always mix business with pleasure." "That way my opponents never know what I'm up to." "I must be going, my dear." "I'll see you this evening." "My best to Henri." "Tell him not to worry." "I shall not forget our long friendship." "I'll try to make things as easy for him as possible." "Good-bye." "Good-bye, gentlemen." " Good-bye, Felix." " Good-bye." " Bye." " What did he mean by that?" "He says Henri needs money." "He seems to think he's taking over the airplane company." " Is that true?" " Yes, too true." "He has found out everything." " We'd better tell Henri right away." " He's at home." " I'll drive." " Good." "I invited Felix to the reception this evening before I knew all this." " Perhaps I should make some excuse" " No, you cannot do that." " Let him come." "Then Henri can talk to him." " Yes, Henri will save us." " He's the only one who can." " Yes, Henri." "And for heaven's sake, take that foolish smile off your face!" " But you told me to!" " Oh!" " Madame." "Oh, madame" " Excuse us, Lili." "The florist, madame." "He'd like to see you about the table arrangements." " He's on the terrace." " Thank you, Antoine." " Antoine!" "Antoine!" " Yes, monsieur?" " Capitaine Duran- he's not here." " No, monsieur." "He's gone." " Gone?" " Where?" "He did not say, monsieur, and I never ask." "However, he carried a valise." " Thank you, Antoine." "Now, why would he" " Carry a valise?" " I do not know." " Neither do I." " Do you think he has" " Gone to Paris?" " I do not know." " Neither do I." "Well, he must have been in a very big hurry." "Look at his desk." " I've never seen it like that before." " Look!" "A note." "It is addressed to both of us." "In Henri's handwriting." " You don't suppose" " Do not start supposing." "Read it, Philippe." "Read it." ""Dear friends, I failed last night to get the money from Alonzo." "Our dear friend Periton seems to have reached him first."" "I knew it." "I knew it." ""There is only one hope left- Sir Hubert Canon." ""I'm flying to London to see him." "If I do not succeed, you may never see me again."" "He's going to kill himself!" ""Don't worry." "I'm not going to kill myself." ""I must succeed." "But be certain to say nothing of this to anyone." "If word gets back to Periton, we are ruined."" ""Back to Periton." He's here!" "I know, I know." "I" " Sir Hubert Canon." "Yes, he might." "Louis, we are lost!" "Completely lost!" " What now?" " The reception tonight!" "Lili invited Periton." "If he finds out that Henri is not here" " He will know that he has gone to London." " Exactly!" "We must see Lili." " At once." " At once." " There is but one thing to do." "Lili must" " Call off the reception." " No, that would be even" " Worse." " But she must make some" " Could I see Madame Duran?" " May I tell madame who's calling?" " Oh, sure." " Tell her Jack Martin." " Who?" "Jack Martin." "She left her cigarette case at the Cote d'Azur." "I'd like to return it." " I will see that madame gets it." " Well, I'd kind of like to give it to her myself." " I had a pretty tough time getting this back." " Very well." " There's the actor." " The one who impersonated Henri." " Are you thinking" " What I am thinking?" " Will it work?" " What have we got to lose?" "Nothing." "It will be simple, monsieur." "You just act gracious and charming." " I don't know." " We will be right beside you." " We will not leave you for a moment." " There." "A perfect fit." " Like it was made for you." " And think, monsieur." "Half a million francs for one night's work." " All right." "I'll do it." " Wonderful!" "On two conditions." "First, that I get half the money in advance." " Yes, yes!" " Agreed." "And second, Madame Duran is not to know I'm impersonating her husband." " That is impossible." " We will have to tell her." " I'm sorry, gentlemen." "Those are my conditions." " No, wait." " Why not tell her?" " Because I'd get stage fright, that's why." "I couldn't give a good performance if I thought she was laughing at me." "I just couldn't go through with it if she knew." " If we must agree" " We must." " That I insist upon." "Okay?" " Okay." " Okay." "You got a deal." " There are certain things you should know." " Like what?" " Your wife's name is Lili." "Oh, yes, I know." "Lili." " That's a lovely name, isn't it?" " The butler is Antoine." "The gardener's name is Emile." " Your chef is Monsieur Popoliniere." " Who?" " Popoliniere." " Popoliniere?" "Yes." "Your pilot's name is Georges." "Your wife's maid is Michele." " Michele." " She is rather pretty and a trifle forward." "Forward?" "How far forward?" "You joke with her occasionally." "Sometimes you pinch her cheek." " Her, uh, cheek." " Cheek." " Can you remember all that?" " What, learn a few names?" "Gentlemen, that's my business." "I'm supposed to be an actor." "My name is Henri." "My wife is Lili." "You are Philippe and Louis." "The butler's Antoine." "The gardener is Emile." "The chef is Monsieur..." "Popoliniere." " Good!" " The maid is Michele." "I joke with her." " And occasionally I pinch her cheek." " Cheek." "Bravo." "Bravo." "Hey, about this Felix, this Periton" " You'll point him out to me?" " The moment he arrives." " Ah, and what do I say to him?" " Nothing!" " You must say nothing." " Nothing?" "What am I supposed to do, stand around with egg on my face?" " I have it." "Henri has a trick." " Oh, good." "When he does not understand something or does not wish to answer... he taps his fingertips together so, looks down his nose and says, "Hmm."" "You see the beauty of it?" "He says nothing." "He commits himself to nothing." "He does not understand a word, but he looks very wise." "Hmm." "Say, that's a pretty good piece of business." " I think I may be able to use that in my act." " Yes, you could." " No." "That is not a closet." "That leads to Lili's room." " Oh, really?" " One moment, monsieur." " Oh, monsieur." "You and your wife are on very formal terms." " Very formal." " You're kidding." " What's the matter with him?" " Nothing." " Doesn't she like him?" " She's crazy for him." " Well?" " To Henri, the grass is always greener" " The sky is always bluer" " The tomatoes are always juicier" "In somebody else's garden." "You understand, monsieur." " Hmm." " Good!" "Good!" " Albert will take you to your table." " We will see you out there?" " Fine." " Please, Lili, please!" "Our whole future depends on it." "No." "Of course I won't." "It's ridiculous!" " Just for these few hours!" " But why should I pretend that I don't know?" "Because this actor, this Martin, insists upon it." "Don't you see, Lili?" "If he thinks you don't suspect, it will give him" "Confidence!" "Make him feel that he really is Henri." " That's what I'm afraid of." " Lili, you have nothing to fear." "We have explained that you and Henri are on very formal terms." "Oh, thank you." "Thank you very much." "As soon as the party is over, he is to go home." "He understands that." "If he does not go, we will not pay him the other half of the money." "No!" "It's impossible." "Ah, Suzanne!" " Good evening." "How are you?" " Ah, Pierre." " Good evening, Capitaine." " Good evening, uh, Michele." " Oh, Michele." " Yes, Capitaine?" "Thank you, Capitaine." " Not at all, my dear." "It's my pleasure." "Please, Lili, if you refuse, it means the end." " Oh!" " Oh, Lili, you are young and beautiful." " But Louis and I, we are old" " And broken." " Shh." " Good evening, my dear." " Good evening, Henri." "I, uh, trust the arrangements for tonight have been managed... without too much difficulty for you." "So far everything seems to be proceeding nicely." "Good, good." "The champagne is properly iced and the birds are properly cooked?" "I basted them myself." "Hmm." "I am looking forward to a wonderful party this evening." "What entertainment have you planned for our guests, Lili?" " Entertainment?" " Yes." "I did have a dreadful disappointment." "I meant to tell you about it earlier." "Really?" "What is it, my dear?" "Well, I tried to get that, um- that performer that they have at the Cote d'Azur." " What's his name again?" " Oh, Jack- [ French Accent ] Uh, Jack Martin?" "Yes, yes." "That's the one." "Yes, he's very good." "I liked him." "Yes, I thought you did." "That's why I tried to get him, of course." "I'm sure if he had known you wanted him, he would have been delighted to come to you." " Do you really think so, Henri?" " I am positive." "Uh, shall we dance?" "Why, Henri, I thought you detested dancing." "I do?" "Oh, I do." "I do, but, uh, anything to be near you, my dear." " How nice." " Not at all." "Pardon." " Well, so far, so good." " Yes." "Yes." "What are we so happy about?" "Who has he fooled?" "She knows who he is." " But he does not know that she knows, so" " So she has fooled him." "Exactly." "Lili, this is a lovely party." "I must compliment you, my dear." "Why, Henri, you have changed." " Have I?" " Yes." "Once you would have said to me, "Parties are so dull." "Let's run away from all our guests, just you and I, and-"" " And what?" " Henri!" " Come in!" " Where is Jack?" "Don't talk to me about Jack!" "I hate him!" "But where is he?" "He's not in his dressing room." "Monsieur Gapeaux, what's wrong with me?" "Nothing!" "Nothing shows." "That's it!" "Nothing shows." "Well, I'll fix that!" "But you haven't answered me." "Where is Monsieur Martin?" "He's not going to be here tonight." " He sent word that he's indisposed." " Indisposed?" " Oh!" " But the broadcast- the television broadcast!" " I've made all the arrangements." " Television?" "What are you talking about?" "Jack is such a success, the television people want to put him on the air tonight... and I said yes." " Now, where is he?" " You find out and tell me!" "I'll go there and break his head!" "If he does not show up tonight, he is through!" "He will never work in another nightclub in France, on the continent." "I have friends." "I will finish him!" "Good!" " Now tell me nothing shows." " Oh!" " We will put you on the television." " No." "But you will be a sensation." "With that neckline, you will be the Faye Emerson of France." " I said no." " Where are you going that you got so undressed?" "To the villa of Capitaine Henri Duran." "My dear Jack is going to find out he's not the only one who can get himself "indisposed."" "Madame Charlier looks lovely this evening, doesn't she?" " Madame Charlier?" " Yes, the woman over there wearing the diamond choker." " Oh." " Why, Henri, since when have you been wearing glasses?" "Glasses?" "Uh, glass" " Oh!" "Uh, since the flight." "Yes, since the flight." "We were flying over the polar cap, and the glare was blinding." " Absolutely blinding." " Oh." "These are the price of adventure, my dear." " Oh, Louise." "How nice to see you." " Lili, darling." " Henri." " Charmed, madame, I'm sure." "Isn't he formal tonight?" "You old fox." "Don't you remember Antibes?" "Uh, oh, yes, of course." "Uh, Antibes." "Hmm." "I thought you would." "I'll see you later, darling?" "Yes, Louise." "Henri, what happened at Antibes?" "Lili, would you believe me if I told you I didn't remember?" "Yes, indeed, I would." "Oh, the Peritons." "Madeleine, I'm so glad you could come." " I'm very happy to be here, Lili." " You are beautiful as always." " Henri." " Good evening." " Henri." " How are you, uh, Felix?" " Delighted to see you." " Thank you." " And surprised." "I rather thought you'd be in London." " London?" "What could I do in London that I cannot do here?" " You could be seeing Sir Hubert Canon." " Shh!" "Oh, yes, Sir Hubert." "He's a charming fellow, but hardly worth a trip to London." "Lili, why don't we invite Sir Hubert down for a weekend soon?" " Oh, but, Henri, he's so dull." " Oh, no, not really." "It's only the way he talks." "Jolly good hunting yesterday." "Caught three rabbits and the upstairs maid." " You two seem very happy." " Why not, Felix?" " Yes." " Henri, perhaps you could spare me a few moments." " Yes?" "That little business matter- I'd like to discuss it with you." " Business matter?" " Yes." "You know what I mean, of course." " Uh, hmm." " Henri!" "Pardon." "You must come at once- the telephone." " The air ministry." " Air ministry?" " About the planes." " Oh, good, good." " The planes?" " Yes." "Will you excuse us, Felix?" "I'll take it in there." " What did he want?" " Something about business." " He wants to see me alone." " Do not!" "Whatever you do" " Do not let him see you alone." " Suppose he corners me." " What do I do?" " Radiate confidence." " Be very sure of yourself." " But do not say a word." "And another thing, with Madame Duran" " You are being much too attentive." " What?" " Everyone will know" " That you are not Henri." " You may pay attention to all the other women at the party." " But not Lili." "Look, I thought I was giving an inspired performance." "If you want a run-of-the-mill" " You understand." "It is dangerous" "Pardon me, Capitaine." "Could I speak with you for a moment?" " Certainly, Antoine." " In private." "Oh." "Excuse me, gentlemen." " What is it?" " There's a young lady to see you, Capitaine." " I showed her into the library." " Uh" " Well, do I know her?" "I do my best to keep track, Capitaine, but this is one I have never seen before." "Uh, it's a little difficult for me to see her now." " Why don't you send her away?" " I'm afraid that's easier said than done, Capitaine." "She's quite persistent and might make a most unpleasant scene." " Ah!" " If I might suggest, you are most adept in such matters." "I am?" "Oh, yes, of course I am, but" "I have never been in the service of any gentleman who could handle them as well... coming and going." "Thank you, Antoine." "I will see her." "Thank you, Capitaine." "Di" " Uh" "I" " Good evening, mademoiselle." "Capitaine Duran, are you surprised to see me?" "Surprised?" "I am delighted, astonished." "But you invited me." "Or did I misunderstand you?" "No." "No." "It's just that I thought you had given your heart to that young American." " Martin?" " Yes, he is such a handsome, such a gifted, such a" "Such a big, ugly pig!" "But, mademoiselle, I have always found him charming." " You don't know him." " Ah, you are angry." "That is why you have come to see me- because you are angry with him." "Why do you keep talking about him?" "I have a very good reason." "You see, my wife and he" " No!" " Yes." "She is very attracted to him." " She is?" " Yes." "And he's attracted to her?" "Yes?" "I'm afraid so." " There's only one thing we can do, mademoiselle." " What?" "We must, uh, console each other." " This is our vengeance." " Please, Capitaine." "Uh-huh." "I was right." "You do belong to Martin." "I belong to no one but myself." "It's just that you- you go too quickly." "Very well, my dear." "I will not frighten you." "We have the whole night before us." "What a beautiful home you have, Capitaine." " What lovely pictures." " I'm glad you like them." "This one- those little dogs, they are adorable." "Yes." "I raised those puppies myself." "I can hardly believe it, Capitaine." "With all these lovely women, do you really care for me?" "My angel, I cannot tell you what you do to me." "Just looking at you is like a tonic." "Yes, Capitaine Duran." "You and I." " Our vengeance will really be sweet." " Darling." " What was that for?" " You pig!" "I knew it was you all the time." "You did, huh?" "You did not." "You thought I was Duran." "And you thought they were puppies." "Well, take a look." "They are horses." "Horses as big as a house." "You thought you were going places." "You came here to throw yourself into his arms." "What are you doing here?" "You came here because of that woman." " She doesn't even know who I am." " You don't fool me." " You don't care about me anymore." " Stop screaming and listen to me!" "They're paying me a half a million francs for this." "And who am I gonna spend it on?" "You." " Half of a million francs?" " Yes." "Oh, baby, I'm sorry." "Television." " Jack, the television." " What television?" "Gapeaux made arrangements for you to be on television tonight and you're not there." " Why didn't he tell me?" " It all happened today." "He has been looking for you." "Jack, he's furious." "He said if you're not there, you'll never work again." "Oh, it was the chance of a lifetime too." " I'll make it." " But how?" "I'll get there somehow." "You go back to the theater." "Tell Gapeaux I'll be there, not to cancel the show." " If necessary, you go on first." "You better go out this way." " All right, baby, but hurry." " I will." "I'll get there as quick as I can." " Kiss me." " I would still like to meet this Capitaine Duran." " Oh, come on." " Ah, Henri." "I have caught you at last." " Uh, caught me?" "Yes, I thought perhaps if we could step into the library... we might have our little business talk now." "Business talk at a party?" "Oh, Felix, you surprise me." "Look, my friend." "It is not that important." "We will talk tomorrow." "Not important?" "Henri, sometimes I do not understand you." "Hmm." "Now, Felix, if you will excuse me, I must see Lili." "At the casino, really?" "Oh, please sit down." "With your luck, I can understand it." " Pardon." "Lili, may I speak with you for a moment?" " Of course." " You will excuse us?" " Excuse me." "Henri, what is it?" "Is anything wrong?" "No, no, my dear." "It's just that, well, you may not see me for a little while." " Why not?" " Felix persists in talking business." " And you want to keep out of his way?" " Exactly." "And remember, you promised me another dance." "I'll be waiting." "Henri." "Oh, Henri, I have missed you so." " I" " I've missed you too." " Where can we go?" "Uh, well, really, just now I cannot go anyplace." "I" " I have to leave" " You are putting me off." "I can hear it in your voice." " You-You can?" "You are not going to drop me like you dropped all the others." " No?" " No, not after all the promises you made." "Oh." "Well, I promise to keep those promises, every one." " But later." "Really, right now I must be leaving at once." " But, Henri." "I will be back." "You wait for me right here." "Will you?" "Hmm?" "What a man." "Where does he find the time?" "Ah, where is Henri?" "Henri?" "I saw him a moment ago." "He is with Lili, I suppose." " Dancing, drinking, enjoying himself." " He's not with Lili." "Oh, well, you know Henri." "He may be busy elsewhere." "You all seem to be in very good spirits this evening." " And why not?" " Yes." "Is this not an occasion to be gay?" "Perhaps." "And perhaps it is just a front for my benefit." "Oh, nonsense." " Then why is Henri afraid to talk to me?" " Afraid?" " Ridiculous." " Oh, Felix, Madame Cornet wants to see the television." "Yes, that actor at the Cote d'Azur is on." "The one who does the marvelous imitation of Henri." " He is supposed to be on now?" " Yes, I read it in the Eclaireur." " This is not possible." " Why not?" "Of course it is possible." "He could be wrong." " But he is very bad." " I hear he's excellent." "Who could have told you that?" "He is terrible." "Well, I want to see him anyway." "Come along, Felix, or we will miss it." " What are we going to do?" " Why worry?" "How can there be a show?" "Martin cannot be in two places at once." "But if Periton finds out that Martin is not at the theater, he'll put two and two together." " He is no fool." " He's not that clever." "What do you mean, "He's not that clever"?" "Who has all the money, you or he?" "He." "You are right." "We must stop them." " That cannot be the right station." " Try another." " No, no." "That boy is magnificent." "Leave it on." "I've been reading about this child." "He is a genius." "Yes, the greatest violinist since Paganini." "That may be." "But to me, he's terrible." "Let me get the right station" "Please, I'll do it." "These things, you know, they are very complicated." "Allow me." "This special program from the stage of the Cote d'Azur of Monte Carlo." "There you are." "Moo." "Oink." "Very good." "But I thought Henri was going to" " Where is Henri?" " Shh." "He's going to do Henri now." " So, he fooled everyone, did he?" " Yes, but what about you, Henri?" "Did you see Sir Hubert?" "I went only as far as Paris." "I called him on the telephone while we were refueling." "He knew what I wanted." "Periton had seen to that." "He was polite, but he said it was impossible to see me." "So I turned around and flew back." "What are you going to say to Felix?" "That depends entirely on what Felix has to say to me." "He has the upper hand now." " By the way, did Lili know it was Martin?" " Of course." " She has been an angel." "Such a display of affection." " Such a performance." "You're certain it was a performance?" "Oh, Henri, that is not important now." "You must think of Periton." "He has been trying to see you all evening." "Very well, I will speak to him." "But I'm afraid that all I can do is plead for more time." " I think, Louis, that we have come to" " To the end of our rope." "Why, Henri." "You didn't disappear for so long after all." " Lili." " Henri." "You've been so affectionate this evening." " Have I?" " Yes." "Just like a schoolboy with his first crush." " Oh." " But I like it." "Hmm, may I say, Lili, that you are looking very lovely tonight?" " Or have I said that before?" " Several times." "Now come along." "You promised to dance with me again, remember?" "Yes, I forgot." " Hi." " Jack, wait a minute." " Where are you going?" " I have to get back to the party." "No, you're not going back to that woman!" " Well, I've gotta finish the job." " It's not the job." " You're going back because of her." " Oh, Colette." "You told me yourself she was beautiful." "Everybody knows her husband doesn't even look at her." "So now she wants you, eh?" " Now don't you talk that way about her." "She's a lady." " Oh!" " And I'm not." " Nobody said you weren't." "It's true." "You've really fallen in love with her." "Colette, don't be silly." "I'll see you tomorrow morning at rehearsal." "Colette, don't be silly." "I'll see you tomorrow morning at rehearsal." "If you go back to that woman, you'll never see me at rehearsal tomorrow morning or ever again." " Would you stop" " I mean it!" "Close the door." "Nothing but champagne." "If I don't have a real drink, I will go crazy." "I think I will go crazy anyway." " Fix me one too, a stiff one." "Gentlemen, I am leaving." " Leaving?" " But Felix, why?" "I have found out what I wanted to know." " But you have not talked with Henri." " Exactly." "He continues to avoid me." "And why?" "Because he has failed to get the money." " That is why." " You're jumping to conclusions." " That is not true at all." " Just wait here." "We will get Henri." " He will convince you." " Can we fix you a drink?" " I do not want a drink." " Please, Felix, relax." "I will wait exactly one minute." " We will get Henri." " Right away." " Relax." " Don't go away." "Have you seen Felix?" "I've been looking everywhere" " He is in the library." " He is very disturbed." " If he does not see you at once, he threatens to leave." " Just a moment." " Has something happened that I do not know about?" " No." " Why?" " If he holds all the trump cards, why does he not leave?" "Why does he have to see me?" "There must be something to our advantage that we do not know about." " What?" " I do not know." "But I shall behave as if I do." "And you two, stay away." "One look at your faces, and our credit will be zero." "Credit" " What is it now?" "Ah, Felix, I'm sorry to have neglected you." "What is it you wish to see me about?" " Henri, you astonish me." "Such confidence." " Why not?" "Because I have you blocked at every turn." "You are entirely at my mercy." "I know everything there is to know about you." "Except one thing:" "That telephone call." "Which one, Felix?" "I receive so many, you know." "The one from the air ministry." "What did they want?" "You surprise me." "Really, Felix." "I thought you knew everything there is to know about me." " Henri, we have been friends for many years." " Yes." "Tell me what the air ministry offered." "I'm afraid I cannot do that, Felix." "Then I'll call them myself and find out." "You do that, and all negotiations are off." "Now, Henri, let us not be too hasty." "I, hasty?" "Who sent a telegram canceling Air Europa's contract for our planes?" " My telegram canceled nothing." " Well, that is hardly debatable, Felix." "It is a simple matter of record." "I have the telegram right in my office." "I would certainly like to see such a telegram." "I'll be very happy to get it and show it to you." " Oh, Capitaine." " Yes, Antoine?" " That young lady you told to wait on the terrace" " What?" "Oh, yes." "No, sir." "She's no longer there." "She became quite impatient, so I put her in the upstairs sitting room." "She is furious." "Ah." "Well, uh, you speak to her." "I'm afraid that would do no good, Capitaine." "If I may say so, once they have met you... it seems to spoil them for anyone else." "I suppose that is true." " Very well, I will see her." " Thank you, Capitaine." "Oh, Henri." "I'm sorry I lost my temper." "We will forget about the telegram." " And we will talk things over like friends." " Yes, but, uh" "I know, I know." "I perhaps did say that in the telegram." "But it is of no consequence at all." "Henri, you do not understand me." " And I do not understand you." " What could be fairer than that?" "But you are acting so strangely." "I'm beginning to think you do not care." " There is no need to worry." " Henri will be" "Look, that actor." "He's back." " Oh, if Periton sees him" " It will spoil everything." "We've got to get him out of here." " What are you doing?" "Go away." " Far away." " What is the matter with you?" " We do not need you any longer." " Duran is back." " Duran, Duran." "I am Duran." " You're" " Certainly." "I do not know how, but Martin is in there." " Martin?" "But he's at the theater." " I tell you he is in there." "Then you cannot stay here, Henri." "Where shall I go, to his nightclub and do his act?" "It will be all right if you two go into the office." " "It will be all right."" " Do not worry." "He has been told not to commit himself." "I will wait out here." " Hmm." " Will you please stop doing that?" "It is driving me mad." "Say something." " Felix." " Yes?" "Have a cigar." "Bonbons." "I never know where anything is in this house anymore." "Oh, please, Henri." "Let's come down to business." "What about the telephone?" " Telephone?" " Yes, the telephone." " Felix, I have a confession to make." " Ah." "I do not know where the telephone is either." "Always redecorating." "Always something new." "I go around the world in two days." "I arrive back, Lili has changed everything." "Henri, something has happened to you." "Your trip- you should take a vacation." "Really, Felix?" "Where do you think I should go at this time of year?" "Well, at this time of year, I think a cruise on your boat would be" "How did we come to talk about this?" "How did we come to talk about this?" "Let me see." "I was doing this and you said I should stop because it was driving you crazy." "Then I offered you a cigar, but it turned out to be bonbons." "I said, "I never know where anything is in this house anymore."" "You said, "What about the telephone?" I said, "I do not know"" "All right, Henri." "I see your game." "You're fencing for time." " So?" " You do not wish to make a deal tonight... because tomorrow, you will make a better deal with the air ministry, is that not true?" "Hmm." "I wish I knew what you are thinking." "But I cannot afford to take a chance." "Air Europa must have those planes." "My first and last offer, 20 billion francs." " 20 billion" " Shh." " 20 billion francs." " Hmm." "Very well, then. 25 billion." "Hmm." " What has happened?" " I do not know." "They are still in there." "Stay inside." "I will let you know." "I have to find my wife." " What did he say?" " He said he had to find his wife." " No." "What did he say in there?" " I don't know." "I think that guy is wacky." "And I'm not so sure about you either." " You must go away from here at once." "Duran has returned." " He has?" "Yes." "Here's the rest of your money." "Go out through the library." "Wait a minute." "What about my clothes upstairs?" "You can get everything tomorrow, but go, please, and quick." " Our friend has finally gone." " Good." "What has happened?" " I don't know nothing." "I think this Martin is wacky." " At least he is gone." "If I only knew what I said in there, I'd be much happier." "Mimi, I'm delighted" "Oh, this Martin." "Mimi has never slapped anybody before." "Perhaps he should have paid us for tonight's work." " Good night, Henri." " Good night, Madeleine." " Lovely evening." " Thank you." "Felix." "I meant every word I said, Henri." "And when I see you tomorrow, I will prove it to you." "Good night." " Good night, Felix." " Good night, gentlemen." "Good night." "See me tomorrow?" "What did he mean by that?" " Just what he said." " He will see you tomorrow." "Ah, no." "There was something underneath it." "Do you think that Martin gave the whole thing away?" "How could he?" "He did not know anything." " He knew how to fascinate Lili." " He certainly did." "You, uh, have not told Lili I am back?" "No, you are still in London as far as she's concerned." "Then I am still in London as far as you are concerned." "I think I will be Monsieur Martin till the party is over... and even afterwards perhaps." " It must be very bad." " Asking us to rush out to the boat like this." " Yes?" " Bad news?" " From Periton?" " Something far more tragic." " More tragic?" " Good heavens." "What?" " I have lost everything." " Tell us, Henri." "Tell us." " It's Lili." "She has betrayed me." " Last night she was in the arms of another man." " Oh, I don't believe it." " How do you know?" " How do I know?" "I was there." " You mean you actually" " Yes." "I wish I could say no." " Poor Henri." "Who was the man?" " I was." " Perhaps we did not understand." " Of course not." "How could you understand?" "You cannot imagine such an experience." "Last night I went to her room." "I took her in my arms and kissed her tenderly... hoping against hope she would rebuff me." "But she did not." "She kissed me eagerly, fiercely." "It was horrible." " What's horrible about a wife kissing" " Her own husband?" "She was not kissing her husband." "She thought I was Martin." "She thought she was kissing him." "But she wasn't kissing him." "She was kissing you." " So she was the one who was fooled." " That is not the point." "Last night, with him- with me- she was a completely different woman than she ever was with me." "I've been such a fool." "I never realized how wonderful she is until now." "Now it is too late." "She's in love with that actor." "There's nothing I can do about it." "I cannot even blame Martin for what he did, because he did not do it." "I did it myself." "You have certainly placed yourself in an embarrassing position." "It's horrible." "That's why I sent for you." "I cannot go back to the villa." "I-I could not face her." "I'm sailing in an hour." " But what about our company?" " What about Periton?" "That is your affair." "I am no longer interested in anything." "Oh, Henri." "It is impossible." "I do not believe Lili would do such a thing." " Why not?" " Every man in France has tried to make love to Lili and failed." "There was never any other man for Lili but you." "She knew it was you last night." "All the time." "Of course she did." "She just wanted to teach you a lesson." "You think so?" " Knowing Lili, it is obvious." " Think about it." "I wonder." "She did act rather strangely last night." "At first, uh, she was quite angry." "Then suddenly, she changed." " That was the moment she discovered it was you." " Definitely." "Right now, she's probably laughing her head off." " And I have been worrying about nothing." " Of course." "Then perhaps it is time I gave her something to worry about." " Come, my friends." "I will telephone to shore." " What for?" "First I shall call the airport, then my wife." " Come in." " Good morning, madame." " Good morning, Antoine." "Isn't it a lovely day?" "Yes, madame." "The capitaine would like to speak with you." " Why doesn't he come in?" " He's on the telephone, madame." "The telephone?" "Here." "Take this, Antoine." "Hello, Henri." "You might at least have come in and said good morning to me before you left." " Where are you anyway?" " I'm here at the airport, my dear." "I'm sorry I could not get home for the reception last night... but, uh, we ran into bad weather and we were forced down." "You mean you've just arrived?" "You weren't at home last night?" "No, of course not, my dear." "Why?" "Did something happen?" "Oh, no, Henri." "No, nothing happened, nothing at all." "Didn't you sleep well?" "Oh, yes, I" " I didn't even take a pill." "Oh, my." "You sound upset, my dear." "Oh, no, Henri." "It's nothing." "Good." "I'm glad to hear that." "I will be home in a little while." "Good-bye, my dear." "Oh, no." "It" " It couldn't have been." " Madame?" "Michele, ask Antoine to come in, please." "Quickly." "Yes, madame." "Hello." "Is this the airport?" "Control tower, please." "Hello, this is Madame Duran." "Would you please tell me what time Capitaine Duran's plane landed?" "Just a minute, madame." "It's Duran's wife." "She's checking up on him." " What will I tell her?" " Duran told us to say his plane got in this morning at 11:28." "Where do you suppose he spent the night?" "Hello, madame?" "According to our records, Capitaine Duran's plane landed at 11:28 this morning." "This morning?" "Are you sure?" "Well, thank you." "Thank you very much." " Madame wishes to see me?" " Yes, Antoine." "Did you see Capitaine Duran this morning?" "Of course, madame." "I laid out his clothes, as usual." "Did you notice anything- anything different about him?" "I mean, did he act strangely in any way?" "If you please, madame." "I would rather not discuss it." " Oh, but you must." "What happened?" " Very well, madame." "I've been in service for many years." "Now, I don't look down upon my position." "I consider it an honorable and dignified calling." "If more people took their jobs as seriously as I do... the world wouldn't be in the hideous mess it's in today." "Yes, yes, Antoine." "What did the capitaine do?" "He was extraordinarily rude to me." "He didn't shower." "He didn't shave." "He didn't eat his breakfast." "And to top it all, he completely disregarded my selection... and left wearing a blue suit with a green tie." "Why, I shall be the laughingstock of the Riviera." "I've never known the capitaine to behave in this fashion before." " Oh." " It was almost as if he were another man." "Oh." "Oh, I'm sorry, Antoine." "So am I, madame." "But it's a situation for which there's no solution." "If he apologizes, it will destroy our relationship completely." "Then I would have to leave." "Will that be all, madame?" "Yes, yes, Antoine." "Thank you." "By now, she has telephoned the airport." " I will give her five minutes more." " But Periton." "They have verified my story, and the horrible truth is beginning to dawn on her." "Don't you think we ought to find out what Periton is going to do?" "She has called in Michele and Antoine... and they have confirmed her worst fears." "There's no longer room for any doubt." "She can barely face the realization of what she has done." " But, Henri" " It will take me about half an hour to get ashore... and drive up to the villa." "The bad news." " Good morning, gentlemen." " Good morning." "I'm glad I found all three of you together." "I've been looking for you all morning." " Well, you have found us." " They told me at the club you had come out here." "I was afraid you'd sail without my seeing you." "Perhaps that would have been just as well." "One would almost think you did not want to see me." " Well, did we?" " Didn't you tell them?" " What was there to tell?" " About our conference last night, of course." "Oh, yes, of course I told them." " And you told them the terms?" " Mmm, yes, in a general way." " Then why are they acting so gloomy?" " Why, indeed?" " You do not act very cheerful yourself." " Cheerful?" "Why should I?" "Oh, Henri, you're an amazing man." " I bring you a check for 30 billion francs- - 30 billion francs?" " You sound surprised." " Well, I am." "I, uh" " I am surprised that you got it so quickly." "I'm a man of my word." "I told you last night I would bring you the check this morning." " And there it is." " Yes, there it is." "I have always said you had the shrewdest business mind in Europe, Henri." " Last night, you proved it." " You give me too much credit, Felix." " No, you held a trump card, and you played it like a master." " Thank you very much, Felix." "I'm sorry I cannot ask you to stay, but Lili is not feeling very well just now." " I must get back to the villa." " I'm sorry to hear that." "I'll take you back in my launch." " That's very kind of you, Felix." "I'll be with you in a minute." " Gentlemen." "30 billion francs!" "We are saved!" "We are solvent!" "We are rich!" " Thanks to Monsieur Martin." " Yes." "He seems to have played my part almost as well as I have played his." " Oh, good morning." " What are you doing here?" " Came to get my clothes." " How did you get in?" "Sneaked in through the library." "Oh, don't worry." "Nobody saw me." " I'm surprised you have the gall to face me." " Why not?" "What you did last night was utterly contemptible." "You knew I thought you were my husband." " Sure, I did." "We had a lot of fun, didn't we?" " Fun?" "Yeah." "You know, I wasn't too keen about it at first." "But when I realized the situation, you know, with the captain gone..." " and how desperate you were." " Really?" " Oh, I'm not saying I can't use the money." " Oh." " And I was wondering if I could ask you a favor." " What kind of a favor?" "Well, if it isn't too much trouble, I'd like a letter of recommendation." " Recommendation?" "After what you did?" " Yeah." "What's the matter with what I did?" "Didn't you like my performance?" " I certainly did not." " Well, I'd like to know anyone who could've done better." " Oh, you vulgar, insufferable" " Wait a minute." "If you weren't satisfied, why didn't you tell me before this?" "Because your performance was too good." "I don't mind saying you gave a pretty good performance yourself." "Will you get out of here, you conceited" "It's not conceit." "I did a good job last night." "And I'm proud of it." "That's all." "I just thought you might know some other homes where I could do the same thing." " My charges would be very reasonable." " Monsieur Martin." " I must ask you to leave." " Okay." "But if the captain's ever away again, I'll be very happy to oblige." "Is that why you came here?" "To make cheap, disgusting" "No, I told you why I came." "I came to get my clothes." "Why didn't you take them when you left this morning?" " What?" " Why didn't you take your clothes when you left this morning?" "Left this morning?" "I left last night." " You left last night?" " Sure." "Soon as I found out the captain was back..." "I beat it out of here as fast as I could." "Then the capitaine was here last night." " Sure, he was." "Didn't you see him?" " Oh, yes." "Yes, of course I did." "Oh, thank you." "Thank you very much." "I" " I can't tell you how relieved I am." "I'm delighted you came back this morning." "I don't get it." "You certainly haven't been acting that way." "Oh, I am sorry." "I'm afraid I was confused." "But I'm not anymore." "It's all very clear to me now." "Jack, I wonder, would you do me an enormous favor?" " Sure, anything." " But we must act quickly, before my husband gets here." " Okay." " Now" "Well, Monsieur Martin." "Uh, good morning, Captain." "Good morning." "I'm, uh" " I'm delighted to find you here." " You are?" " Yes." "I want to thank you for what you did for me last night." "I'm sending you a check in the morning which will express my gratitude more fully." "Well, thanks, Captain." "I sure can use it." "By the way, what did I do?" "You made a great financial deal for me." "What did you say to Periton?" "Oh." "I said, uh, "Hmm."" " Oh, that." " Yeah." " I was told you always use it." " But never with such success." "Look, Captain." "I don't know how to say this." "It's really none of my business." "But you're making a great mistake." " I am?" "How?" " Your wife." "She's wonderful." "Believe me, she's got everything, everything a man could ask for." " I found that out." " You know, she's so crazy about you... she just tried to talk me into making you jealous." " You were supposed to come up and find her in my arms." " Oh?" "Why don't you quit playing the field and concentrate on her?" " You're right, my friend." " Now will you go up?" "She's waiting for you." "Monsieur Martin... will you and your charming Colette have dinner with us tonight?" "We will come to the show and afterward, the four of us will have a big celebration." " I wish we could, but, uh, I don't know where Colette is." " No?" "No, she walked out on me." "She didn't understand about last night." " Oh, I am very sorry." " So am I." " Is there anything I can do?" " No." "No, I'm afraid not." " Wait a minute." "You could do me one favor." " Anything." " Tell me, Captain." "What's your secret?" " Secret?" "Yeah." "Let's face it." "We do resemble each other." "We proved that last night." "But when women look at you, they" " Well, you know." "And when they look at me, they run for the nearest exit." "What's your secret?" " Well, thank you, Captain." " Not at all." " Well, good-bye, Jack." " Good-bye, Henri." " Oh, Captain." "Just one thing." " Yes?" "Make sure she knows it's you this time." "I don't wanna get in any more trouble." "Have no fear." "She will know."