"# Oh, yeah #" "# Ba, ba Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh #" " # Ba, ba, ooh, ooh # - # Oh, yeah #" "# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh Ba, ba, ahh #" "# So scared of breaking it that you won't let it bend #" "# And I wrote 200 letters I will never send #" "# Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem #" "# You'd rather cover up I'd rather let them be #" "# So let me be #" "# And I'll set you free #" " # I am in misery # - # Misery #" "# There ain't nobody who can comfort me Oh, yeah #" " # Why won't you answer me?" "# - # Misery #" "# Your silence is slowly killing me Oh, yeah #" "# Girl, you really got me bad #" "# You really got me bad #" "# Now I'm gonna get you back I'm gonna get you back Yeah #" "# You say your faith is shaken #" "# And you may be mistaken #" " # You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun # - # For the sun #" "# I'm desperate and confused #" "# So far away from you #" "# I'm getting there I don't care where I have to roll #" "# Why do you do what you do to me?" "Yeah #" "# Why won't you answer me, answer me?" "Yeah #" " # I am in misery # - # Misery #" "# There ain't nobody who can comfort me Oh, yeah #" "# Girl, you really got me bad #" "# You really got me bad #" "# Now I'm gonna get you back #" "# I'm gonna get you back ##" "Hey, regionals, you've just met our opening number." "That's so good!" "How did you manage to find a Burberry-esque canary cage cover?" "Canaries don't like cold weather." " Especially Pavarotti." " So, what did you think of the song?" "Can I be really honest with you?" "Because it comes from a place of caring." "Been there, done that." "Look, you're amazing, Blaine." "Your solos are breathtaking." "They're also numerous." "Kurt, the council decides who gets the solos." "Do I detect a little jealousy?" "No, you detect a lot of jealousy." "Look, Blaine, sometimes I don't feel like we're the Warblers." "I feel like we're Blaine and the Pips." "Okay, so I really took all of your notes from "My Headband" to heart... and I really tapped into my pain for the second song." " Yeah." " So come and sit down." "These are for you, just in case." "It's pretty emotional." "Don't be afraid if you need to..." "Hit it." "# You've got just one egg #" "# You're not going to make #" "# An omelet #" "# Flying just one way #" "# You're not going to make #" "# A jet set #" "# Sister, brother, wherefore art thou?" "#" "# No need for bunk beds in my bedroom now #" "# Oh, damn you, Dads #" "# Why did you settle for only me?" "#" "# I'm an only child #" "# More than enough for them but not enough for me #" "# Only child #" "# Only child #" "# Only child #" "# The only Berry #" "# On my family #" "# Tree ##" " It's called "Only Child."" " Yeah, I got that." "Uh, it's better than "My Headband." That's for sure." "Yeah." "But it... it still feels like you're just playing scared." "You're only dealing with the easy pain." "You gotta get to the hard stuff." "That's what's relatable to everybody." "I'm perfectly capable of accessing my pain." "I cry every time I sing a solo." "Exactly." "When you sing, I can feel it." "I guess you just gotta go inside yourself... to wherever the singing comes from and write from there." "Have you even ever tried to write a song?" "Sometimes I worry about Finn." "How damaged does a guy have to be... to be into someone as annoying as Rachel?" "Stlll, he is a good guy, and I do really like him." "He's my first love, and first loves are forever." "And another thing:" "without him, I'm never gonna get one of these." "I know what you're thinking." ""Prom queen?" "You're smart and super pretty and relatively sane for a girl." "Does being prom queen really matter to you?"" "Well, it does." "Prom queens live, on average, five years longer than regular people." "It's probably because they smile a lot... and smiling has been proven to ward off diseases." "But I can't do it without Finn." "He's a shoo-in for prom king." "And after winning the big game, he'll help me land crucial swing votes." "Amazingly, the only person standing in my way is her... and her damn talent." "If I'm gonna guarantee that he doesn't stray with her..." "I'm going to have to play it right." "They say keep your friends close but your enemies closer." "Well, Rachel Berry... you've just got yourself a new best friend." "Pavarotti?" "Warblers, Warblers, I am merely suggesting... that instead of wearing blue ties with red piping... we wear jackets with red ties and blue piping for the competition." "This is a kangaroo court." "Kurt, what's wrong?" "It's Pavarotti." "Pavarotti's dead." " I suspect a stroke." " Oh, my God." "I'm so sorry." "I know it's really stupid to be upset about a bird, but..." "He-He inspired me with his optimism... and his love of song." "He was my friend." "I know today we need to practice doo-wopping behind Blaine... while he sings every solo in the medley of Pink songs." "But I'd like to sing a song for Pavarotti today." "# Blackbird singing in the dead of night #" "# Take these broken wings and learn to fly #" "# All your life #" "# You were only waiting for this moment to arise #" "# Blackbird singing in the dead of night #" "# Take these sunken eyes and learn to see #" "# All your life #" "# You were only waiting for this moment to be free #" " # Blackbird, fly # - # Blackbird, fly, fly #" " # Blackbird, fly # - # Blackbird, fly, fly #" "# Into the light of the dark black night #" "# Blackbird, fly #" "# Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah #" "# Ah, ah, ah, ah #" "# La, la, la, la, la-la, la-la-la, la, la #" " # Blackbird, fly # - # Blackbird, fly, fly #" " # Blackbird, fly # - # Blackbird, fly, fly #" "# Into the light of the dark black night #" "# Blackbird, fly #" "# You were only waiting for this moment to arise #" "Thank you." "Guys, I've got some bad news." "You know how we decided on "Sing" by My Chemical Romance for regionals?" "Well, I hold in my hand a cease and desist letter from the band." " We can't do it." " It was the perfect anthem." "How much do you wanna bet Coach Sylvester had something to do with this?" "One step ahead of you." " Do you know anything about this, Sue?" " I do." "I met the drummer for My Chemical Romance... at a drum circle, Daytona Beach, spring break, 1996." "We had a brief affair." "And when I heard of your song choice for regionals... well, I was compelled to notify the band... about your long-running legal battle with PETA." "That is not true." "You took away my Cheerios." "Consider this the opening salvo of World War Sue." "So, what are we gonna do now?" "I think we should write original songs for regionals." "All those in favor of voting Rachel down a second time?" "I think Rachel is right." "This team works best... when we push ourselves and do something a little different." "Well, that's true, but if all the other teams are doing amazing songs... we're not gonna be so good." "You're right." "We're not gonna be as good." "We're gonna be better." "We won't be using other people's words or music." "It'll be our own- our own heart, soul, not just our voices." "We have a really talented songwriter in our midst." "Rachel, I was thinking maybe you and I could write a song together." "I'm with Quinn and Rachel." "If these two can agree on something, it's probably an idea worth considering." "Wait." "So suddenly, you two are writing the music for regionals?" "No way." "I think that everyone should get a chance to write a song." " Santana's right." "We can do this." " What do you think, Mr. Schue?" "I think we're doing original songs for regionals." "Yes!" "Hey." "Can I ask you a question?" "We used to be really close, and I really miss being your friend..." " Still waiting for the question." " Did I do something wrong?" "Look, I don't know." "Did you?" "All I know is you blew me off to be with Stubbles McCripplepants." "It's fine." "It's your loss." "'Cause now I get the chance to write an awesome heterosexual song about Sam..." " that we're gonna sing at regionals." " Wait." "You're still dating Sam?" "But you told me you were in love with me." "I honestly don't know what I was thinking." "But can you stop staring at me?" "I can't remember my locker combo." "Well, well." "If it isn't Tweedledum and Tweedle Fake Boobs." "You can't talk to us like that." "You're not our cheer coach anymore." "I'm not anybody's cheerleading coach anymore." "You betrayed me." "And in case you haven't heard, I like to play dirty." "I don't even remember putting that in there." "I think Blaine's version of the song... is actually better than the original." " But it's not in his natural key, so" " How dare you." "Enough." "I'm tired of this." "I agree." "I think we should just let you pick the song that you wanna sing." "No." "I'm tired of the Warblers being all about me." "David, please make sure everything I'm about to say goes down in the official minutes." " We are going to lose at regionals." " What?" "I am incredibly grateful... for the belief you've all given me as a junior member... to lead you all in these wonderful songs this year." "But from what Kurt has told me about New Directions..." "I just know I can't beat them on my own... which is why I propose that we rearrange our 11:00 number... and turn it into a duet to showcase other talent in this group." " Why don't we just play it on kazoos?" " Point of order." "Now, we all lost one of our own this week." "Pavarotti's voice was silenced by death... and I don't wanna silence anyone else's voices in this group." "I think Pavarotti would roll over in his tiny, tiny little grave." " The placement of which has yet to be determined." " All right." "A vote." "Who's in favor of Warbler Blaine's proposal for a dual lead at regionals?" "Oh, can I put my name on that audition list?" "No." "No auditions." "I wanna sing the duet with Kurt." "That's ridiculous." "There are so many great voices." "Everyone deserves a shot at that honor." "All in favor of Kurt being my duet partner at regionals?" " Decided." " Congratulations, Kurt." "Congrats." "All right, guys, let's hear it for our first songwriting seminar." "All right, guys, let's hear it for our first songwriting seminar." "While Quinn and Rachel are hard at work, we're gonna try to write an anthem of our own." "Now, these are rhyming dictionaries for all of you." "Mr. Schue, Tina and I have been already working on a song that I wrote." "Really?" "That's amazing." "Well, can we hear it?" "All right." "Whoo!" "Yeah!" "This is a song that I wrote for Sam." "It's called "Trouty Mouth."" " Wait." "What's it called?" " "Trouty Mouth."" "# Guppy face #" "# Trouty mouth #" "# Is that how people's lips look #" "# Where you come from in the south?" "#" "# Grouper mouth #" "# Froggy lips #" "# I love sucking on those salamander lips #" "# Wanna put a fish hook #" "# In those lips so cherry red #" "# If you tried hard enough #" "# You could suck a baby's head #" "# Whoo #" "Okay, can we stop?" "Stop with the mouth jokes." " Sit down." "I'm not finished." " Yes, you are." "Mr. Schue, we're not doing a song at regionals called "Trouty Mouth."" "You know what?" "I-I have to agree with Sam on this one." "But such a good first effort." "I just don't think it's got the epic feel we need for regionals." "Mr. Schue, I wrote a song too." "I wrote it for Lauren." "I know that when I sang "Fat Bottomed Girls"... it might have hurt her feelings a little bit, but I think this makes up for it." "It's got a bit of a rockabilly feel, so it could give us an edge this weekend." "All right." "Show us what you got." "Don't touch me." "Don't touch me." "It's called "Big Ass..." "Heart."" "# My girl went to the doctor 'cause her heart had palpitations #" "# Said cut the carbs or else she'd end up pushing' up carnations #" "# She stepped up on the scale and the doctor said, " Oh, Lordy #" "# If you don't drop a few, girl, you won't make it past age 40" #" "# My girl said, " Hey, lookee, on that fancy X-ray chart" #" "# Said the doctor, " Holy hell, that's one G.D. big-ass heart" #" "# I'm telling you, my friend, my girl's got a big-ass heart #" "# When she shops for groceries, that heart gets its own damn cart #" "# That big-ass heart can pump two tons of love through her chest #" "# And then sit down and win a lovin' pie-eating contest #" "# I love that big-ass heart so much I think it isn't fair #" "# Like how your heart won't pay me back for breaking all my chairs #" "# So sick with love I think I'm coming down with rickets #" "# When that big-ass heart flies coach, it has to pay for two plane tickets #" "# Oh, that big-ass heart #" "All right, guys, let's make Puck's song a contender... but I don't totally think we're there yet." "So everyone look at your rhyming dictionaries... and let's work on banging out some songs that rock." " What do you wanna wear to prom?" " Prom." "What?" "I know you're excited about regionals." "So am I." "Wasn't I the one that supported Rachel's crazy original song idea?" "Yeah." "That was cool, by the way." "But whether we win that or even nationals, it's not gonna put you and I back where we belong." " Which is where?" " On top." " On top of what?" " We need to get elected for prom king and queen." "It's the ultimate status symbol." "So after regionals, we'll go public with our relationship... and start the campaign." "I don't think that's a good idea." "Why?" "Because of Rachel?" "She's really fragile right now." "I just think we should wait until after nationals." "First it was after regionals." "Now it's after nationals?" " Do you wanna be in this relationship or not?" " Whoa." "Scary Quinn." "Okay, uh, after regionals." "After regionals." "What's that?" "I'm decorating Pavarotti's casket." "Well, finish up." "I have the perfect song for our number, and we should practice." "Do tell." ""Candles" by Hey Monday." "I'm impressed." "You're usually so Top 40." "Well, I just wanted something a little more emotional." "Why did you pick me to sing that song with?" "Kurt, there is a moment... when you say to yourself, " Oh, there you are." "I've been looking for you forever."" "Watching you do "Blackbird" this week... that was a moment for me... about you." "Y-You move me, Kurt." "And this duet would just be an excuse to spend more time with you." "Uh, we should- we should practice." "I thought we were." "# Mama said, "Get your ass out of bed" #" "# I said, "Hell to the no" #" "# Said, "Wash your grandma's nasty head" #" "# I said, "Hell to the no" #" "# Oh, oh #" "# They tried to take away my tots #" "# I said, "Hell to the no" #" "# Yeah, 'cause I'm the one that calls the shots #" "# And I say, "Hell to the no" #" "# Ohh-oh #" "# Try to make me change my weave #" "# Well, I got something up my sleeve #" "# It's a whole lotta #" "# Whoa, oh, oh #" "# Oh, oh, hell to the #" "# No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no #" "# I said, whoa, oh, oh #" "# Oh, oh, hell to the #" "# No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no #" "# Tell me I should eat my Wheaties #" "# You know what?" "Hell to the no #" "# Hell to the no #" "# Tell me I'll come down with diabetes #" "# Hell to the no, oh, oh #" "# Hell to the no #" "# Try to make me change my eats #" "# But, baby, that just isn't me #" "# I'm a whole lotta #" "# Whoa, oh, oh #" "# Oh, oh, hell to the #" "# No-no, no-no No, no, no, no #" "# Take me, you can leave me, but I won't never change #" "# If you don't like the rules, don't play my game #" "# Time for me to get R-E-S-P-E-C-T#" "# But if I don't, it's all in me #" "# Hey-hey-hey #" "# Oh, oh, oh #" "# Oh, oh, hell to the #" "# No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no #" "# Aw, hell to the no ##" "Yeah." "Mercedes." " Really, really good." " Thank you." " But, um- - "But," my butt, Mr. Schue." "That song was amazing." "No, I agree." "I'm just not sure that it's regionals material." "Mr. Schue, I wrote another verse of "Trouty Mouth."" "No." "No, no, no." "Guys, guys, just think about it." "What's your favorite song of all time?" " "My Headband."" " Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know."" " "What's Going On," Marvin Gaye." " Puckerman, you're on a roll." " And what are all those songs about?" " Headbands." "All these songs come from a place of pain." "The greatest songs are about hurt." "And that's the side of yourselves I want you to get in touch with." "That should be easy." "Coach Sylvester tortures us for no reason... and tries to get the entire school to hate us." "Yesterday she filled Britt's and my locker with dirt." "Okay, okay." "Slow down." "Slow down." "Well, she literally throws sticks at me." " What are you doing?" " Throwing sticks at your head." "I'm gonna crush you at regionals." " Okay, what else?" " She called the Ohio secretary of state... saying she was me and I wanna legally change my name to Tina Cohen-Loser." "She..." "Mean." "Mean." "Okay, and how does that make you feel?" "Well, at first it hurts... but then it mostly makes you wanna win." "Guys..." "I think you may have just found your song." "Now let's get to writing." " You're late." " We're friends, right?" "Yeah, I guess so." "Like, everything happened last year." "You gave your baby to my mom." "We kind of bonded over it, right?" " What's your point?" " My point is is that..." "I know we haven't spent a lot of time together this year... but I thought that we were close enough to be honest with each other." "Go ahead." "Ask me." "Fine." "Are you and Finn together?" "Yes." "It's been a couple of weeks." "It's like Groundhog's Day with you, Rachel." "How many times do you have to make the same mistake to realize it's not gonna work out?" "Well, thank you for being honest with me, Quinn... and I'm happy for you and Finn." "But don't go and try to rewrite history, okay?" "It was real between us." "He chose me over you." "And how long did that last for?" "Why are you being so mean?" "Do you wanna know how this story plays out?" "I get Finn." "You get heartbroken." "And then Finn and I will stay here and start a family." "I'll become a successful real estate agent... and Finn will take over Kurt's dad's tire shop." "You don't belong here, Rachel... and you can't hate me for helping to send you on your way." "No." "I'm not giving up on Finn." "It's not over between us." "Yes, it is." "You're so frustrating." "And that is why you can't write a good song... because you live in this little schoolgirl fantasy of life." "Rachel, if you keep looking for that happy ending... then you are never gonna get it right." "So we're done with that, and why don't we just return to our work, okay?" "No." "I think I'm gonna write this song on my own." "Hey, buddy, you gettin' ready to load up the bus and head off to regionals?" "Hey, buddy, you gettin' ready to load up the bus and head off to regionals?" " Awesome." " You seem awfully chipper." "Oh, I am, William." "I'm positively drunk with confidence." "In fact, I am so sure of my Glee Club's impending win..." "I'm gonna drop a little turdlet on you." "I lied to you last week, William." "I forged that letter from My Chemical Romance." "Also, I didn't sleep with their drummer." "The drummer I slept with was that guy from Jimmy Eat World." "Actually, Sue, I'm glad you lied." "It gave my kids the opportunity to try their hand at songwriting." "Oh, so you're trying to lose." "You have an awful lot of confidence for a rookie, Sue." "William, while your kids are singing songs about blackheads and eczema..." "I will be unleashing a set list custom-made for that panel of judges." "And now our judges for the 2011 Midwest Regional Show Choir Competition... local broadcasting legend and man about town, Rod Remington!" "Recent Tea Party candidate and homeschooler, Tammy Jean Albertson!" "And former exotic dancer and current Carmelite nun... author of the upcoming Lima Press memoir, Habit to Habit..." "Sister Mary Constance." "And now, from Westvale High School... let's have a warm welcome for Aural Intensity!" " # Jesus is a friend of mine # - # Jesus is my friend #" " # Jesus is a friend of mine # - # I'm a friend of Jesus #" " # Jesus is a friend of mine # - # Jesus is my friend #" "# Jesus is a friend of mine #" "# He taught me how to live my life as it should be #" "# He taught me how to turn my cheek when people laugh at me #" "# I've had friends before and I can tell you that #" " # He's one who will never leave you flat # - # Hallelujah #" " # Jesus is a friend of mine # - # Je-Je-Je-Jesus #" " # Jesus is a friend of mine # - # Oh #" "# Friend of mine Friend of mine Friend of mine ##" "Whoo!" "Has anyone ever literally died on stage?" "Are you nervous?" "Please don't judge me." "This is the first time I've had a solo in front of a competition audience." "I have this nightmare that I'm going to forget the lyrics... or I'm going to sing and nothing is gonna come out." "Okay, you can judge me." "I think it's adorable." "I think you're adorable." "And the only people that are gonna be dying tonight are the people in that audience... because you and I are gonna kill this thing." " Come on." "Let's go." " And now, from Westerville, Ohlo... the Dalton Academy Warblers!" "# The power lines went out #" "# And I am all alone #" "# But I don't really care at all #" "# Not answering my phone #" "# All the games you played #" "# The promises you made #" "# Couldn't finish what you started #" "# Only darkness still remains #" "# Lost sight #" "# Couldn't see #" "# When it was you and me #" "# Blow the candles out #" "# Looks like a solo tonight #" "# I'm beginning to see the light #" "# Blow the candles out #" "# Looks like a solo tonight #" "# But I think I'll be all right #" "# One day #" "# You will wake up #" "# With nothing but your sorrys #" " # Sorrys # - # And someday #" "# You will get back #" "# Everything you gave me #" "# Blow the candles out #" "# Looks like a solo tonight #" "# I'm beginning to see the light #" " # Blow the candles out # - # Candles out #" " # Looks like a solo tonight # - # Solo tonight #" "# But I think I'll be all right ##" "# Right, right Turn off the lights #" "# We gonna lose our minds tonight #" "# What's the dealio?" "#" "# Changa, chang, chicka-chang, chicka-chang #" "# I love when it's all too much # # 5:00 a.m. Turn the radio up #" "# Where's the rock and roll?" "#" "# Chang, changa chicka-chang, chicka-chang #" "# Party crasher Penny snatcher #" "# Call me up if you are gangsta #" "# Don't be fancy Just get dancey #" "# Why so serious?" "#" "# So raise your glass if you are wrong #" "# In all the right ways All my underdogs #" "# We will never be, never be anything but loud #" "# And nitty-gritty dirty little freaks #" "# Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass?" "#" "# Just come on and come on and raise your glass #" "# Raise your glass #" "# So if you're too school for cool #" "# And you're treated like a fool #" "# Like a fool #" "# You can choose to let it go #" "# Let it go #" "# We can always We can always #" "# Party on our own #" "# So raise your #" "# So raise your glass if you are wrong #" "# In all the right ways All my underdogs #" "# We will never be, never be anything but loud #" "# And nitty-gritty dirty little freaks #" "# Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass?" "#" "# Just come on and come on and raise your glass #" "# For me ##" "Whoo!" "Hey." "Break a leg." "Last time we were here, you told me you loved me." "I really like your song." "Listen carefully, because I mean every word of it." "And now, from William McKinley High in Lima, Ohlo... the New Directions!" "# What have I done?" "#" "# I wish I could run #" "# Away from this ship going under #" "# Just trying to help #" "# Hurt everyone else #" "# Now I feel the weight of the world is #" "# On my shoulders #" "# What can you do when your good isn't good enough #" "# And all that you touch tumbles down?" "#" "# 'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things #" "# I just wanna fix it somehow #" "# But how many times will it take?" "#" "# Oh, how many times will it take for me #" "# To get it right?" "#" "# To get it right?" "#" "Oh, my God." "They're doing original songs." "# Can I start again #" "# With my faith shaken?" "#" "# 'Cause I can't go back and undo this #" "# I just have to stay #" "# And face my mistakes #" "# But if I get stronger and wiser #" "# I'll get through this #" "# What can you do when your good isn't good enough #" "# And all that you touch tumbles down?" "#" "# But how many times will it take?" "#" "# Oh, how many times will it take for me #" "# To get it right?" "#" "# So I throw up my fists #" "# Throw a punch in the air #" "# And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair #" "# Yeah, I'll send out a wish #" "# And I'll send up a prayer #" "# Then finally someone will see #" "# How much I care #" "# What can you do when your good isn't good enough #" "# And all that you touch tumbles down?" "#" "# Oh, my best intentions #" "# Keep making a mess of things #" "# Just wanna fix it somehow #" "# But how many times will it take?" "#" "# Oh, how many times will it take #" "# To get it right?" "#" "Ladies and gentlemen, we're the New Directions." "# Yeah, you may think that I'm a zero #" "# But hey, everyone you wanna be probably started off like me #" " # And you may say that I'm a freak show # - # I don't care #" "# But hey, give it just a little time #" "# I bet you're gonna change your mind #" "# All of that dirt you've been throwing my way #" "# It ain't so hard to take That's right #" "# 'Cause I know one day you'll be screaming my name #" "# And I'll just look away That's right #" " Whoo!" " # Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth #" "# So everyone can hear #" "# Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down Baby, I don't care #" "# Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out #" "# You wanna be #" "# You wanna be a loser like me #" "# A loser like me #" "# Push me up against the locker #" "# And hey, all I do is shake it off #" "# I'll get you back when I'm your boss #" "# I'm not thinking about you haters #" "# 'Cause hey, I can be a superstar #" "# I'll see you when you wash my car #" "# All of the dirt you've been throwing my way #" "# It ain't so hard to take That's right #" "# 'Cause I know one day you'll be screaming my name #" "# And I'll just look away #" "# That's right #" "# Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth #" "# So everyone can hear #" "# Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down #" "# Baby, I don't care #" "# Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out #" "# You wanna be #" "# You wanna be a loser like me #" "# So go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth #" "# So everyone can hear #" "# Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down #" "# Baby, I don't care #" "# Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out #" "# You wanna be #" "# You wanna be a loser like me #" "# A loser like me #" "Before we start, I would like to say I am not a witch." "Before we start, I would like to say I am not a witch." "But, um, I think it's fair to ask:" "do we have written proof that these kids were born in the United States of America?" "For a nun, I'm pretty liberal." "But..." "I'm barely a nun." " In fact, I just joined because I needed a place to live." " Bless you." "The convent is the one place I knew I could stay off the pole." "But my question is this:" "that Dalton Academy, is it a gay school... or is it just a school that appears gay?" "Could I add a dash of Rod to this lady soup?" "My hairdresser is a gay." "And for 15 years, he's been with his partner, also a hairdresser." "I see no reason why they shouldn't be allowed to marry... and raise a family of beautiful wigs." "I like the duet the two boys from Dalton sang." "Well, boys shouldn't do a duet." "The last thing we need to do... is send a message to children that "gay is okay."" "It is not a legitimate lifestyle... and last time I checked, it's not in the Constitution." " What about that song about Jesus?" " Well, that should win." "Uh-uh-uh." "No, no, no." "That is just cheap pandering." "I didn't even like to be pandered to when I was a stripper." "Those New Directions had it going on." "Those songs were fresh." "Those songs were terrible." "I am sorry." "But I'm a politician." "And when I lost my last election- and there will be a recount..." "I didn't go around singing about being a loser." "I twittered that Obama is a terrorist." " Oh, no, you didn't." " I had to." "It's a fact." "Okay, ladies, I've heard enough." "Let's... vote." "And now to announce our winner..." "Lieutenant Governor Stevens's wife, Carla Turlington Stevens." "My husband is verbally abusive... and I have been drinking since noon." "I'm bored." "Let's just see who won, huh?" "The New Directions, you're going to nationals in New York." "Farewell, sweet prince." "I'm so sorry, Kurt." "I know this is really upsetting for you." "Reminds you of your mom's funeral, doesn't it?" "The casket was bigger." "But yes." "It's not just that though." "Honestly, I'm upset that we lost at regionals." "The competition season's over, but we'll still get to perform." "We do nursing home shows all the time." "And do you know how many Gaps there are in Ohio?" "Tons." "Yeah, I just really, really wanted to win." "You did win." "So did I." "We got each other out of all this." "That beats a lousy trophy, don't you think?" "I'll show you the video when you get home." "Have fun in the sweat lodge." "Namaste to you too." "Okay, bye." "Miss Holliday sends her best and can't wait to congratulate you all in person... when she gets back from her meditation retreat." "Now, we all know that winning regionals was a team effort... and nationals isn't going to be any different." "But like in sports, every winning team has a player that rises above... to help carry their teammates to victory- the M.V.P." "And I would like to start a tradition of honoring that player... after every one of our competitions." "So, per a unanimous vote by all of you... our regionals M.V.P. is..." "Miss Rachel Berry." " Whoo!" " Come on up." " Yeah!" " Congratulations." "Thank you." " If I could just say a few words." " Sure." "And here she goes, making me regret voting for her." "Well, first of all, I just wanna say... how amazing the song you guys wrote was." "I-I was so inspired." "You know, it's- it's funny." "I've won a lot of trophies before for singing competitions and dancing competitions... but I've always felt like the girl who never gets the brass ring." "And maybe I never will." "But today and at regionals... the way you guys believed in me... and took a chance with me..." "All I've ever wanted was to feel special... and to feel chosen." "And I just, um..." "I wanted to thank you guys so much for giving me that." "So that's all." "M.V.P.!" "M.V.P.!" "M.V.P.!" "English" " US" " SDH"