"♪ A Salvation Army band played ♪" "♪ And the children drunk lemonade ♪" "♪ And the morning lasted all day ♪" "♪ All day ♪" "♪ Ah hey ma ma ma ♪" " ♪ Take it easy on yourself ♪ - ♪ Ah hey ma ma ma ♪" "♪ Hey ma ma ma, hey ♪" "♪ Ah hey ma ma ma ♪" "♪ Take it easy on yourself ♪" "♪ Hey ma ma ma, hey ♪" " Hey." " Hi." "Whew." "Wow, matching tans." " We went to Palm Springs." " Well, physically, but mentally, we went on a magic carpet ride." "So, you guys are bosom buddies now?" " That's cute." " Oh, do you need a hand?" "Oh." "You know, I got it." "I'm fine." " Yeah?" "All right." " Yeah." "Good." "That's why I didn't wanna ask." "I didn't wanna offend you, you know?" " "I am woman, hear me roar," right?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "Whoo!" "It was exhilarating being in a hotel room with this guy for 48 hours." " Separate rooms, for the record." " Point is we escaped to a private villa, we did a ton of blow, and we figured out everything." "Not everything, but a lot." "We're moving all of you into a hotel." "Oh!" " What?" " In Palm Springs?" "No." "Here." "The Valley." "Look, we learned a valuable lesson over the weekend." "Cloistering yourself up like some 17th-century monk makes you way more fucking productive and helps you focus." " Like Olympic Village?" " Sure." "Or rehab." "Probably more like rehab." "Rehab is expensive, dude." "No, no, no." "It's free." "I forgot to mention that." "Yeah." "So we're talking free housing, free cable, free commute, 'cause it's close to here... free pool!" " But in, like, Van Nuys." " Yeah!" " I mention the pool?" " You did." "Is this required or can we live at home and commute?" "Yeah, some of us have lives, husbands." "Sorry, no exceptions." "Oh." "Except Debbie, because she's the star, and she has a baby." " Bullshit!" " Can we live in reality for a second?" "We gotta shoot this thing in five weeks, most of you don't know how to act, none of you can wrestle." "This is our way of making it so you don't suck, all right?" "And because of that, we're instituting a curfew, and a strict no-drug policy." "You guys did blow all weekend, and we have to live like nuns?" "Not nuns, roommates." "Sorority sisters." "I'll make it easier for everyone." "If you want your paycheck, you'll live at the hotel and you follow the rules." "So, when exactly do we get to move into this deluxe training camp?" " End of the week." " Yup." "So, make all the arrangements you have to, call your landlords, hide your drugs, flush your fish." "♪ Anthony works in the grocery store ♪" "♪ Savin' his pennies for someday ♪" "♪ Mama Leone left a note on the door ♪" "♪ She said "Sonny, move out to the country" ♪" "♪ Oh, but workin' too hard Can give you a heart attack ♪" "♪ You ought to know by now You ought to know by now ♪" "♪ Who needs a house out in Hackensack?" "♪" "♪ Is that all you get for your money?" "♪" "♪ And it seems such a waste of time ♪" "♪ If that's what it's all about ♪" "♪ Mama, if that's movin' up Then I'm... ♪" "Great hit to the stomach and Montell goes down... ♪ I'm movin' out ♪" "♪ Mm-hmm ♪" "♪ Ooh, ooh, uh-huh ♪" "♪ Mm-hmm ♪" "♪ Sergeant O'Leary is walkin' the beat ♪" "♪ At night he becomes a bartender ♪" "♪ He works at Mr. Cacciatore's Down on Sullivan Street ♪" "♪ Across from the medical center ♪" "♪ And he's trading in his Chevy For a Cadillac ♪" "♪ You ought to know by now You ought to know by now ♪" "♪ And if you can't drive With a broken back ♪" "♪ At least you can polish the fenders ♪" "♪ And it seems such a waste of time ♪" "♪ If that's what it's all about ♪" "♪ Mama, if that's movin' up Then I'm... ♪" "♪ Movin' out ♪" "♪ I'm movin' out ♪" "Oh, hey." "Uh..." "Actually, could you reenter?" "Or not." "I'll just..." "Hello, Gordon?" "Give me 500 shares." "I don't care if those banana farmers starve to death." "I'm a businesswoman, for chrissake, not a fruit philanthropist." "It's my character idea." "Kind of a female JR with a touch of Cruella de Vil." "Fuck." "Didn't work, did it?" "You know, I'm the only one who doesn't have a character?" "Did you see what they wrote on the door?" ""Sheila the She-Wolf and Ruth."" "Ruth isn't a wrestling persona." "It's just my name." "All the windows need to be open at all times." " Oh." "Okay." " I'm also a very light sleeper, so, the smallest noise or variance in smell will disturb me." "Well..." "I can't fully control what happens when I'm asleep." "But I'll try my best." "Look, I respect how committed you are to your character." "What character?" "The She-Wolf." "It's so crystallized, and that's what I need." "A persona that's... fully realized." "Maybe you could help me find something like that." "I'm happy to do the whole all-method-all-the-time... thing." "It's what I usually do anyway." "Stay in character." "Great." "You have no idea how exciting it is to have a mattress." "Last month, I was so broke," "I walked from one end of Santa Monica Boulevard to the beach, asking cute guys to borrow a dollar." "I made $212." "You're staring at my tits?" " I am." "I'm sorry." " Oh, I don't care." "I just don't understand how they, um, stand up like that." "Well, they like attention." "The only other boobs I've seen in person are my brother Tommy's." "I've actually never lived with girls before, so, I'll probably stare sometimes, 'cause you're basically just like an alien from another planet." "Well, every night before bed," "I put lotion all over my body, because it is scientifically proven to be the only thing that stops aging in its tracks." " Do you wanna put lotion on with me?" " Sure!" "Yeah." "Put your leg up." "Okay." "Like this." "Hmm." "Sorry, sorry." "Oh, no, no, no." "No, no, no." " You can take your wig off when you sleep." " Just shut up!" "Stop..." "Stop looking at me." "Stop it, please!" "Glad to see everyone's working hard." "Working hard on my tan." "I mean, Fortune Cookie is, 'cause that's the stereotype you want me to roll with, right?" "That Asians work really hard, but also do karate and are really shy?" " You mad about something?" " Hey, Sam." "Watch this." "Nice!" "I call it a Lebanese Cannonball." "Beirut's signature move." " Can you do it in the ring?" " Not yet." "Hey, Mr. Director, I'll show you mine, if you show me yours." " Yeah." " Yeah." "Whoo!" "Get in the pool." " All right, what the hell?" "It's hot out." " Whoo!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" " Yeah, take it off, baby!" " Whoo!" "Yeah!" "A pool party?" "Where was my invite?" "Y'all forget we have training in ten minutes?" "She's right." "You heard her." "Put your tits away." "This isn't Club Med." "Put your tits away!" "Here it is." "Gorgeous George... one of the..." "Oh, no, ostrich feath..." "Don't ever sell this boy, Gorgeous George, short." "His..." "So, George is a little bit more old-school than today's guys," " but he's got a great gimmick." " You mean he's gay." "No." "Maybe." "Doesn't matter." "He's Gorgeous George, a pretty boy." "He'll stop a match to fix his hair." "Actually, he wouldn't." "His valet would climb in" " and do it for him." " Yes, exactly." "This girl knows her stuff!" "I want a wrestling valet." " That wouldn't make sense." " Why not?" "I'm Liberty Belle." "I need a manservant to carry my enormous American flag." "The American hero doesn't need a manservant." "You're self-made." " You'd probably carry your props." " Fuck the valet, okay?" "Point is, you need to develop your own gimmick." " How you walk, how you talk." " Oh, like a shtick." " Ooh, I want an accent." " Me, too, but not British." "Another one." "All right, come on." "We need to start thinking about the show." "The gimmicks, the matches, who fights who, what props are you guys gonna be throwing around." "I can't film you doing the hugging move for 20 minutes." " What?" " What if your gimmick is hugging people?" " Who are you?" " Britannica." "Because you're British?" "No, 'cause I'm smart, like Encyclopedia Britannica." "Oh." "Nerd versus party girl." "Classic structure!" "Okay." "So..." " maybe I can hit you with my book." " You can try." " Like this?" " Ow!" "Stop hitting me with knowledge!" "Move, Granny!" "So, I've been ruminating." "And I have lots of ideas for characters." "Mint Julep." "It's more of a bitchy, Southern debutante type." "Mm-hm." "Um..." "The Auntie Christ." "Like, worst aunt ever." "Kind of evil person who gives out raisins to kids on Halloween." "Okay." "Who said you get to invent your own character?" " Well, you didn't give me one, so..." " I'm still marinating on it." "I get really anxious when I feel like I'm behind." "Especially in a group setting." "Wow, what a fantastic quality." "I could pair up with someone who's the same size as me." "Fine." "Good idea." "All right, how about wolf lady?" "Oh." "Oh, no." "We're in a bit of a:" "Really?" "Debbie and now her?" "What, are you radioactive?" "Not to get too much into it, but... there's been some weirdness." "Good!" "Conflict." "Great." "Hey, She-Wolf." "Fresh meat." " About last night..." " It's fine." "It got weird." " And we should talk about it." " I think we should stick to wrestling." "You're right." "Let's work on your gimmick." "Look at you." "You're amazing." "You're mostly there, but I think you could tap into the whole werewolf thing even more." "You could enter in a cage... and you could..." "You could wear a collar." "Oh!" "And the announcer could be like, "It's a full moon, ladies and germs." "Watch the transformation of Sheila the She-Wolf before your very eyes."" "Whoa, are we doing a werewolf gimmick?" "Because I love it." "No." "It doesn't make sense, 'cause I'm not a werewolf." "Werewolves are mythical creatures." "Werewolf, she-wolf, same difference." "Get up, Welfare Queen, and fight Machu Picchu, the Gentle Giant." "Yes." "Hell, no." "I'mma sit here, watch my stories, eat me some lobster, some Howard Foods caviar." "All paid for by the American taxpayer." "Boo!" " You mean, you're too lazy to fight?" " Damn right." "Ah!" "You see that?" "I can control her with my remote." "I can make her go in slow motion." " All sitting' down." " Now, this is a gimmick, ladies!" "Dad!" "Oh, Goliath Jackson, this is such an honor." "I'm a huge fan." "I'm a Goliath fan." "You the promoter?" "No." "I'm more of, like, the brainchild, the mastermind-slash-fairy godfather." " We don't have a promoter." " Who's in charge, then?" "I'm in charge." "You?" "Yeah." "I'm the director." " Did you direct Star Wars?" " No, I didn't direct Star Wars." "Love Star Wars." "Let's go." "No, I'm staying here." " You wrestle over my dead body." " You let Tommy and Kurt do it." "It's different." "They're big, dumb boys." "I want you to find a nice man, have a family, find a job where people treat you with respect." "People respect me here." "Nobody respects a lady wrestler, sweetie." "It's like the midgets." "You're a sideshow." " Hey, you can't talk to her like that." " It's fine." " It's how we talk." " No, it's not fine." "This guy..." "You can't just come into my gym and disrespect one of my actors." "I mean, I know you're some big, famous giant, but you're an asshole, and you wear oversize diapers for a living." "Oh, god damn it." "Jesus." "Fuck." "A fucking backhand?" "What am I, some mouthy housewife?" "Want me to hit you like you're a real man?" "Whatever you gotta do to get the fuck outta here." "Okay, enough." "Dad, stop." "I'll go." "Sorry, Sam." "Can you guys talk to him?" "Can you just try?" "Dude." "He was so pissed when he found that pillow dummy in your bed." "Machu Picchu." "Wait!" "Wait up." "I understand the shackles of family expectations." "Your father's got nothing on my mother." "Trust me, just go with it." "Introduce me to your family." "Dad, this is my boyfriend." "My name's Sebastian Howard, and, uh, your daughter and I are very much in love." "We take our relationship very seriously." "But it's also new, and we're taking things very slow." "But not too slow, 'cause I'm moving in with him." "You wanna wrestle?" "You need to learn how to sell." "You're both terrible." "Fine." "I lied." "You've been lying for weeks." "Going on about this new job at Macy's." "Because you wouldn't have let me audition." "I'm 25, Dad." "I don't need your permission." "It's my life." "You can be supportive or I can leave." "Like Mom." " Don't judge." " I'm not." "I brought you more ice." "That guy had a hundred pounds on me." "He fights for a living." "Wasn't fair." "Why'd you bring me more ice?" "What do you want?" "I have some concerns about my character." "Welfare Queen." "It's offensive." "That's the genius of it." "It's commentary on an existing stereotype." "It's sort of a fuck-you to the Republican party and their welfare reform and race-baiting shit." " Yeah, but would other people know that?" " Like who?" "My son." " He goes to Stanford." " Fancy." "And I don't want him turning on the TV and getting upset." "It's not that I don't want this job." "I do." "You've never had a role you've been uncomfortable in before?" "Sam, I've never had any role before." "I mean, I've only done background work, some lines on Scarecrow and Mrs. King, and Gimme a Break." "Well, that's the problem." "That's middle-of-the-road shit." "It's safe." "You see, me?" "I like to push the envelope." "I like to jolt people into consciousness." "Like my first feature credit." "Swamp Maidens of the Viet Cong." "Watch it." "This one, Gina the Machina." "This thing?" "So offensive, it was banned in 49 states." "Pretty proud of that." "Oh." "Look at these." "Couch of Pain, Blood Disco, Blood Disco Two." "You should watch these." "I mean, bring them back, but... you know, take them, maybe make notes." " There's a lot of inspiration there." " Okay." "What the hell are you doing here?" "I am not ready to talk to you." "Yeah, you've made that pretty clear." "You keep hanging up on me every time I call you." "Just get whatever you need and get out, okay?" "No." "God, what is this?" "An acceptance speech?" "You know I get flustered." "I've been reading a book about marriage." "Yeah, good." "A book is really gonna help save this." "I am moving back in." "I have been sleeping on my cousin's couch for two weeks." " I have given you space." " A couch?" "Oh, Mark, I'm so sorry." "That sounds awful." "Can I do anything to make you feel better?" "You are still angry, and that's fine." "But the fact is, I have rights here." "I pay our mortgage," "I pay our utilities, so, I am going to stay here in our guest room-slash-office-slash-craft-area." "If you don't like it, you can file for divorce." "This is my house." "Now... can I put Randy to bed, please?" "You wanna sleep here?" "Be my guest." "Shit." "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Is that dead?" "What is that?" "It was a squirrel." "What..." "What the hell is wrong with you?" " You killed that thing?" " I didn't kill it." "I found it and I brought it here." "I think you should sleep somewhere else." "I'm not going anywhere." "So... take your squirrel, and you sleep somewhere else." "You goddamn... wolf." " You just called me a wolf." " What?" "You just called me a goddamn wolf!" "Yeah?" "Well, most people call me a freak, so... thank you." "I've worn this... or some version of this, every day for the past five years." "It's not a costume." "Just me." "And what I do in the morning... what I put on, what I wear... it's not for you." "It's..." "It is for me." "I get it." "I think." "I know that I'm a human." "But spiritually, I'm a wolf." "When..." "I was 10 and my grandfather died..." "I was so depressed." "And..." "I..." "I felt deeply connected to Anne of Green Gables." "So..." "I wore a straw hat and puffy sleeves to school every day for a whole year." "It's..." "You know, it's a related feeling." "I haven't lived with anyone in a very long time." "Me, neither." "Maybe we need a system." "For privacy." "Yeah." "Okay." "What about the old sock-on-the-door trick?" "Oh, you mean right now?" "Okay." "Heh." "Prepare yourself to be offended, disgusted, and horrified." ""Every night, a group of friends attend the greatest dance party of their lives, knowing at the stroke of dawn, one of them will be randomly murdered." " Ooh!" " Who is the monster in the mirrored mask?" "From schlock-master Sam Sylvia," "Blood Disco is a disturbing morality tale for our generation."" "Yeah." "Oh, Blood Disco." "Where'd you guys dig up that old chestnut?" " Uh..." " Excuse me." "Sorry." "Who are you?" "Oh, hey, I'm Keith." "I'm Cherry's husband." " Where's Cherry?" " She's taking a shower." "There's no hot water in the morning, 'cause there's 14 women living in this shitty, rundown motel." "Bash say, give you poolside view." "Well, it's a view of the parking lot." "Very convenient." "Enjoy your stay." "Oh, no!" "I don't like being scared." "Ah." "That's it." "That's me." " What?" "Where?" " I'm the guy on the motorcycle." " I did two days of stunts on this." " Jesus." "So, you guys are a stunt couple." " So, you've worked with Sam before." " Yeah, twice." "And partied with him an extra five years after that." "Hmm." "In your opinion, one professional to another, do you trust him?" "Or is he just another white racist director?" "He's more sexist than racist, in my experience." "Shh." " Oh, no!" " God, please, no!" "I'm Sam." "I'm a filmmaker." "Um, people say I have a zany sense of humor." "Uh, if you're watching this and you can't stand smokers," "I would just fast-forward to the next schmuck." "So, why am I doing this?" "I don't know." "I guess I've reached that age where I have to admit" "I'm just looking for a partner I can stand." "Uh... who has a great smile and a great figure, who doesn't tear me apart like a banshee every time I make a mistake." "You know, someone who's fun, not a hypocrite... under 30." "Yeah." "Uh..." "So, you know, choose me." "Yeah, I'm lonely, and my cock works great." "Should we do another one?" "Well, I'd date him." " Stacey." " What?" "He's cute, he's lonely, and his cock works great." "Can't believe everything you see on TV." "And I'm uncomfortable now." "Good night, ladies." "Good night, Keith." "I don't know about y'all, but I learned a lot tonight."