"There we were!" "Elliot's friend Melody and I, witnessing this moment;" "Yes!" "Oh my God, yes!" "Aewsome!" "Awesome!" "Uh, okay, uh..." " This is so romantic..." " I don't..." "Ok, it's a little tight, just... push a little harder." "Uh, brought a little skin there, no problem." "Here come the freaks." "Just put that motherfucking ring on that motherfrickin' finger!" "Frick, frick, frick!" "Honey, it... it needs to be resized." "Ok, Keith, sweetie, you know how I'm crazy, right?" " Definitively." " Oh, thanks goodness!" "Because, I'm so sorry but I just gonna have to take back my "yes", you see?" "You have to understand, I have dreamt about this moment since I was a very little girl and, the ring fit perfectly, but I swelled up and I said:" ""Yes!" "Oh my God, yes!", with exactly that inflection." "I'll fix it." "Just tell me when you want me to ask you again." "You mean that you'd let me plan on my own proposal?" "Sure." "Yes!" "Sweet!" "Ok, we've only got two days people." "Melody: you're on decorations." "Jordan: you come out with my look." "If I think at your appointment, would you have your armpits botoxed so they don't sweat?" "Because, otherwise, I'm very limited." "I'm open to it." "Carla: you're encharged to the guest list." "Just make sure that all of my friends are there." "Uh, and nail me that bitch of radiology." "She teased me for six years about how she's gonna beat me down the aisle." " Oh, she can suck it, her and her fat neck." " Invite fat neck, got it." "If you'll point out fat neck to me I'll keep asking why she's still single until she cries." "Done." "Check it." "Not a drop of sweat, it's like a hundred degrees, in there." "We haven't really been introduced." "Jordan." "But first smell it." "Hey, sport." "Sorry to hear about your placing second into Dr. Reid thong." "Sir?" "Well, you don't have to hide it, son." "Given your history, you must be taking her engagement pretty hard." "Sadly, it's only in the movies where the pretty girl ends up with the ugle." "Huh!" "Can you believe him?" "Oh, you and Elliot did go to a lot." "You two have been on and off again more than Ross and Rachel from Friends." "Pffff-lease, I'm nothing like Ross." "No, of course not." "You're Rachel, she's Ross." "You guys are crazy." "Nobody else in this ospital thinks that I'm upset about Elliot." "Tough break, man!" "'tis better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all, five!" "I know about lost, brother." "It's like she took your heart and just..." "Doug, aren't you supposed to save those?" "Don't tell anyone." "Okay." "I'm gonna head over here to vomit." "Baby?" "Would you do me a favour at night that requires no effort on your part?" "Sure, what is it?" "Would you have sex with me?" "Come on!" "We haven't had a lacing since Izzy was born." "Turk, I'm just not there yet." "I mean, if you weren't emotionally ready would you wanna have sex." "Baby, I don't even understand the question." "Go away." "Oh, man!" "Mrs Shelton is the sweetest old lady but I can't figure out what's wrong with her." "She's got a muse of random symptoms:" "myalgia, alopecia, rash..." "That is so weird." "My patient, Mr. Billbray, has the same exact symptoms." "Actually, he's my patient." "Jamie?" "You're a baby intern." "Yesterday you asked me how to turn on your stethoscope." "Now go stand over there." "Sorry, but this patients have something in common, someplace they've been, or eaten." "Let's go check it out." "Can you immagine being married to Elliot?" "Darling, do you think we're pidging the hole into thechilden?" "Who cares?" "It's not like they're ours." "I'd have to find some tiny charts and mops, but it's doable." "I'll tell you what you doable:" "Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dogn, doooong!" "Very clever." "God is watching." "How many times have you got laid this year?" "Bagel." "Who'd have thought "God is watching" would work." "Hmm." "Keith and I are definitively having some post engagement nookie tomorrow night after the proposal," "Did you get me those purple acids?" "Yes, Keith is gonna look so hot." "Cool ya." "Ok, I'm gonna go meet Carla." "Well, it's official." "I'm the only single sorority sister left." "I guess it's true what they say." "The first one to be in a threesome, the last one to get married." "Damn." "I'm sorry, she just said that she was in a threesome." " Damn!" " Damn!" "Damn!" "Damn!" "I just don't wanna end up like my aunt Sheyla and get married and have a kid when I'm 50." "I mean, you find a tooth in that house, you don't know whose mouth it fell out of." "Ooh." "Sometimes, I wonder, you know, if I'm ever actually gonna find someone." " You know?" " Yeah." "Ok, now is it 2 girls and a guy, or a devil's threesome?" " All girl." " Uuh." " Damn!" "Sorry." " I've got to take off." "Hey, I'm reviewing this new hotel downtown tonight for work, do you wanna join?" "It's all commed." " I think I'll pass." " Well, could have been fun." "* Crowd is mad at JD*" " That guy is so moron!" " Ok!" "Guys!" "Guys!" "Guys!" "I'm sure he has an explanation, go sit down." "I'm not gonna get anywhere with her, she's got this weird posy, she'll mack with anyone." "But the second you try and take it further, she throws all the brakes on." "It always ends the same way." "Great Aunt Judy's arm fat." "Great Aunt Judy's arm fat." "I'm tired of the cold showers." "That was yesterday, when she was just a confident young hotel reviewer." "Today she's a sad, vulnerable, last single-woman standing." "Now you're gonna create a wonderful memory, then secretly call me from the bathroom right after or not?" "Turk, you know I'd like to be the one making "The secret bathroom call" for once." "But I'm not that desperate." "You ordered some "Dorian"?" " Huh?" " Oh, that's my last name." "Aah, it's a good one!" " I thought about it all the way up." " Come on in." "Oh, it's on." "Mrs. Sheldon, may I just say I hope to look as good as you when I'm 80." "I'm 68." "Did they not have some screen where you grow up?" "So, to rap this up, uh, you two live in different nursing homes, and you have nothing in common." "Is there anything that you can tell us, that will help us figure out what's wrong with you?" "Last week I got a new pair of shoes." "That's very helpful, thank you." "Now we just go run some more tests then." "Hey, so I convinced the bar-tender to give us all the booze of your party for half price." "Little hitch, you're gonna have to show some boob." "Apparently mine did not get us all the way there." "He has a soft touch, though." "Lovely." "Oh, and Per, you were wrong." "Someone is dumb enough to love me." "Where is your head right now?" "Perry!" "No, it goes "Cracker, apple, cheese"." "Not "Cracker, cheese, apple"." "I know that we're going to be married today, Perry, but you should know this." "You're gonna fry for this, buddy." "Worth it." "Ok, you made it to the room." "Time for the "John Dorian 3-step seduction plan"." "Step 1, make her realize you share things in common." "Ooh, they have tampons in the toiletery basket." " I love that." " Me too." "Step 1, check." "Step 2, connect with her on a personal level." "So, Melody, where's home for you?" "Originally Akon, Ohio." "But home is where your hat is, that's something my dad used to always say." "Oh, grace, he would also say that America is a planet." "Ah, he was in a... a boating accident and suffered some brain damage." " Brain damage is, uhm... is rarely good." " Tore our family apart." "Step Two:" "Check." "Now just remind her she's all alone." "Elliot getting married." "Crazy, right?" "I can't believe no one's ever got down on one knee for you." "I know!" "Cute as a button?" "Huh!" "?" " Yeah, you are." " Hey," "I have to check out the linens." "Would you care to test them out with me?" "And there it is." "I could only imagine what wonderful place was waiting beneath those covers." "Greetings, strange traveller." "Wilst thou make with me tonight?" "Allright!" "Not really sure how it'd go about doing that," "I mean, where would I put my..." "C'mon dong!" "This is a desperate mermaid!" "You got to hit that!" "Show me where to go Turk and I'd be happy to, where is the frontdoor?" " Yeah!" "That's a gill." " Yeah, it is." " Bring those horns down here!" " Oh, they're coming baby." " You can handle them?" " Oh, I can handle them!" " Oh yeah, you can." " Hey!" "Go Turk!" " That's my mermaid!" " My baaaaad!" "Incoming!" "Uhuh, UH!" "AH!" "uhuh." "I would characterize these mattress as springy." "Springy." "The test results of Mr.Billbray and Mrs.Sheldon coming yet?" "Still waiting." "Uh!" "What d'you think of my manicure?" "I got it for the ring." "Perfect!" "What's on today's agenda, lovey?" "Well, snookums, I'm first going to check out the market, then play a few holes of golf, and then pretend to care about under-privileged people." "You know, the usual." "Well, I'm off." "Though, keep an eye on Lupita." "I think some of the silver's gone missing." "I'll talk to her." " Bye Snoggy!" " Okay, have a good day!" " You've been a naughty girl, Lupita." " Si' Señor!" "You're looking fine as hell today girl!" "Get your bum bumped!" "He's goaling down!" "I was all horny about fantasizing about having sex with my own wife!" "Damn right!" "Oooh, poor Turkleberry, he thinks he's got it hard!" "The damn internet is down!" "Where am I supposed to go for a sexual gratification?" "My invalid wife?" "Great!" "Everything came back negative of Mrs.Sheldon and Mr.Billbray." "There must be something that we're missing." "But, with you two that would be impossible." "Might I?" "Take a look at the chart?" "Well, it's not PMR, pend hypopig, and we've already ruled malignancy." "Oh yeah!" "That's it, toffee!" "Really, you two think it's that easy?" "Intern!" "Test both their patients for this and don't you dare tell the hearty girls what it is." "Not yet." "Go." " Uh!" "Room service is great!" " Yeah." "Uh, can I have the tiny ketchup bottle?" "I'm planning this elaborate prank on Turk, when he wakes up and thinks he's 20 feet tall." " Sure." " Thanks." "Allright." "Can you think of anything else we should try?" "I think we should try this." "Turk was right." "He's such a good friend!" "I should get him a gift." "I'llfish for what he wants later on a secret bathroom call." "Wait!" "Why am I thinking about Turk?" "Okay." "Start moving your hand..." "Next stop..." "Boobtown, population... two!" "Whoa!" "You can't go to Boobtown!" "That, my friend, is a gated community." "Oh!" "You're fully dressed under there!" "Me too!" "I gotta go check out the bar, you wanna come?" "Sure, I'll be right down." "When you are in a dryspell sometimes you have to get wet." "Great Aunt Judyyyyyyyyy!" "It doesn't matter if you are married..." "If you are all talk but no action..." "Or you have a bad internet connection." "All you can do is take solace in the fact that no one is getting any." "The test results are back, and our friends Mr. Billbury and Mrs. Shelton both will be having a round of penicillin for their what?" "That's right!" "Their STD." "Here, have a look if you want, pelase." "It turns out that our hard candy toated super cheery grandparents both have..." "Syphilis!" "Bang!" "Ok, maybe some people were getting some." "But we weren't." "Sorry, guys!" "Thought I fixed that." " I can't believe they have syphilis." " Yes, Barbie..." "Look, when people get old there are certain things they are no longer able to do, like drive a car over 20 miles an hour or smell like the living, but... the one thing they damn sure can do is have sex until they croak." "The fact that matters is that thanks to a variety of male enhancement drugs... sexually transmitted diseases have increased amongst the elderly by 300 per cent." "Argh, old people sex is disgusting." "Really?" "Because from time to time I like to throw back to few blue bombers and head out on the town." "Ok, we're leaving now." "You won't go nowhere!" "No one will." "I will have you all know that just this morning I hoisted Enid on to the safety rail in our kitchen and we went at it like drunk monkeys." "That's right." "Now just soak in that image for a while." "Everybody in the room ok with pretending that... never happened?" " Yes, yes." " Oh, me." "I am!" "Great!" "I'll go tell them that they have an STD." "I hate you." "I know." "Different wife, same story." "Hey, fellas!" "Here there's a steel magnolia in room 309 that needs a little pruding." "Todd, she's 68 and have syphilis." "Hey, the Todd accepts all applicants." "Regardless of age and disability." "Well, I'm giving up on Melody." "Dude, no!" "Man, me, I'm married." "So I may never ever ever have sex again." "You, there's still a chance for you." "Damn, if you're gonna do it for yourself, at least do it for me!" "And me!" "For all of us?" "!" "What?" "You guysare surprised I don't get any?" "All right, men..." "I'm going in!" "Turk was right." "I can make this happen." "Because whether Melody wanted to admit it or not, there was a definite connection between us!" "So, thanks for hanging with me last night." "That's not me, Melody!" "Oh, my bad!" "You two could be twins." "We look nothing alike!" "What are you, egyptian?" "I don't wanna hear it." "God, what a day!" "I cannot believe we didn't figure our patients had STD!" "You know what should do blow some esteem?" " Go shoe-shopping." " Yeah, but you know what?" "First we should have tender, emotional sex and then cuddle" " and then the shoe-shopping." " Hmm." "I'm so glad that we are married!" "Oh, sweetie!" "Life would be so much simpler." "Great!" "You are both here." "We need to talk." "We were just trading stories about our grandkids." "They grow up so darn fast!" "They do!" "They sure do!" "Did you wanna tell us something, sweetheart?" "I couldn't do it." "So, you are gonna need to tell them to sleep on a love glove, and forgetting to get all freaky and doink." "Oh, but don't use those words or they won't know what you are talking about." "Now, if you'll excuse me..." "I've got a proposal to get ready for." "It took everything I had in my arsenal to get Melody to mack with me again." "Hey, do you wanna mack with me again?" "Sure!" "This time would be different." "The key is not going straight for her chest ...but to start in a more innocent area, like her hips." "And he sneaks the landing!" "You see, ultimately it's all about persistance." "Stay decors and..." "Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uuuuh!" "You know the rules and-and you continue to break them." "I think I'm gonna give you a lifetime macking ban." " No!" " Yes!" "Give me another chance." " Can you control yourself?" " Of course I can." "God is watching." "I can't." "Who is this " God " everyone fears?" "Take these for me?" "Thank you." "Hey, JD, I was wondering if I could borrow your scooter, so I could run a few errance" "He looks nothing like me!" "He doesn't even have any laughter in his eyes, like, at all!" "Uhm, Mrs. Sheldon," "Mr. Billbury," "Relax, I already told'em both." "And Mrs. Sheldon and Mr. Billbury have been doing a little talking." "Turns out after bridge, every sunday night, Mrs. Sheldon has been shtooping" "Did I say that right?" "Yes, you did, sweetheart." "Okay, shtooping Howard Steinberg, who is apparently a lot more than tango partners with Estelle Stevens, who apart from having a fake hip, is a well known hussy in Mr. Billbury's nursing home." "Uh, and Mr. Billbury likes to have a get at all force and sing "Who let the dogs out?"" "I'm getting uncomfortable." "Oh, you can go." "I have to say, I'm very impressed with your... vitality." "Honey, let me tell you a secret about sex:" "it gives you vitality!" "Right, Perce?" "What?" "Honestly..." "I can't imagine how empty life would be without it." "Can you?" "Ok, everyone." "Keith's spontanoeus proposal to Elliot will be happening in exactly one minute." "Elliot has requested no cellphone photography." "Those pictures give her a pan-face." "* people agree *" "Ok, when she gets here, let's be quiet, and give her our full and complete attention." "I tell you what's already a full attention." "Per-Per?" "Can I have the beer, please?" "Can't do, dear." "Let me help you down." "Good work." "Hey." "Let me ask you a question:" "You don't really seem like the... notch-on-your bed-pose-type guy, why are you trying so hard to do me?" "You know what?" "I don't even really know." "Actually, I did." "I just didn't want to admit it." "Uh-uh!" "Oh-oh my God!" "What is all this?" "You know what?" "I'm really happy to have you in my life." "Me too." "Elliot Reid" "No last name, I changed my mind." "Elliot, will you marry me?" "Yes." "Oh my God, yes." "Awesome!" "AsI lookedat allthe  relationships around me, some that have gone on forever... some that were re-ignited... and some that had jus begun," "I realized something:" "It should have been me."