"_" "Trent:" "There you go." "Every entryway in the house is completely booby-trapped." "If these four-legged beasts attempt another home invasion, they'll be executed with extreme prejudice." "Ooh." "Thanks, big brother." "It is so great to have a man around the house again." "Trent:" "Didn't you just file for divorce a week ago?" "Yeah, exactly." "It was, like, such a sad seven days, so I got to get back out there." "Speaking of, thanks so much for watching the kids." "You're such a natural with them." "Trent:" "Yeah, I'm good with kids." "Wish me luck!" "I'm going out on the town!" "Oh, who needs luck..." "when you're desperate?" "You can come out now." "She's gone." "Trent:" "What's that?" "Here you go, Paxton." "Come on." "Trent:" "What the hell?" "Paxton love Goobs." "Trent:" "An illegal alien." "Billy Paxton's friend." "You're my best friend in the whole world." "Trent:" "Aiding and abetting a terrorist." "Help Paxton bring peace to Earth." "Trent:" "I brought a piece, too-- a piece of my mind." "And it's telling me to give you a piece of my gun-- the bullet piece." "[ Screams ]" "No!" "Come back." "NTSF:" "SD:" "SUV:!" "No!" "Diego!" "♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "♪ oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "Trent:" "Damn it, Billy, tell me who this man is." "That's Paxton." " He's my friend." "Trent:" " He's a terrorist!" "Are you or are you not in a sleeper cell?" "I have a sleeping bag." "Trent:" "Oh, you're smart, right?" "You think you're so smart." "What's your favorite subject in school?" " Science." "Trent:" " Could have fooled me." "I thought it was terrorism." "Now tell me one thing-- What are you planning?" "We're gonna go trick-or-treating." "Trent:" "You want to go trick-or-treating?" "You can go trick-or-treating in prison where the trick is getting a shiv and the treat is pouring out your own blood." "[ Glass shatters ]" "I'll go get a dustpan." "[ Door slams ]" "He won't say anything, which means he's probably a terrorist, too." "But what can you expect from a child of divorce?" "Kove:" "Child terrorists are the worst kind-- no morals, fueled by candy and movies on their iPad." "Sam:" "I don't think Billy's friend is a terrorist." " He's an extraterrestrial." "Trent:" " I think you mean to" " say an extra-terrorist-trial Sam:" " No, I didn't." "Kove:" "What do you know about aliens, Sam?" "Sam:" "Well, I mean, I minored in paranormal studies at" " Sarah Lawrence, so..." "Kove:" " Aliens don't exist." "They were made up by Gene Roddenberry so indoor kids could have something to live for." "Isn't that right, e-cigarette smoking man?" "Trent:" "Look, if he is an alien, that means he's from a distant planet, which makes him a foreigner, hence a terrorist." "Sam:" "So, just everything that's foreign is bad?" "Trent:" "Think about it." "They destroy our streets with their wooden shoes, wreck our skylines with their quaint windmills, and destroy our apple pies with their superfluous crumb toppings." "Sam:" "Trent, everything you just said specifically is about the Dutch." "Trent:" "Who are foreign." "Game, set, match" " Trent." "Sam:" "Wait a second." "I just" " I just thought of something." "You guys remember about six months ago something crash-landed in the desert just outside San Diego?" "Several eyewitness reports stated seeing two short humanoid creatures exiting the crash." "Now, of course, the government denies it." "Maybe one of these aliens is Billy's friend." "That's preposterous." "Aliens?" "Coming to Earth?" "To what?" "Be friends with us and keep us company?" "That's crazy talk." "Aliens definitely don't exist, especially two of them." "I mean, where would a second alien be hiding out and who would keep a thing like that a secret?" "Excuse me." "Kove:" " Hmm." "Sam:" " Okay." "_" "Everyone out." "Out!" "Get out of my lab." "Free me!" "Must go home." "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no." "You're my friend-- my only friend." "[ Chuckles ]" "Let go, Daisy, please!" "Oh, no, no, no." "You have to stay with me." "NTSF doesn't like your kind." "That's why I'll protect you." "Shh, shh, shh, shh." "Shh, shh, shh." "Now, be a good girl and put on this pirate hat." "Ooh!" "Shiver me timbers!" " Aye!" " Help!" "Hate Daisy." "Hate Daisy!" "Now go to sleep." "[ Groans ]" "[ Slurring ] Hate Daisy." "[ Lock engages ]" "_" "Sam:" "Hey, don't you just love Halloween?" "Trent:" "Hate Halloween." "Sam:" "I can't believe we picked the same costume." "Trent:" "This holiday's got the worst that humanity has to offer-- charity and all those wasted eggs." "Keep your eyes peeled." "Hey!" "What do you got?" "What is this?" "Leave me alone, Ketchup." "Trent:" "Come here." "Come on." "What do you got?" "He's clean, just fat." "This little terrorist could be anywhere." "That's Billy's house right there." "When he goes trick-or-treating," "I guarantee you his terrorist friend will join him." "Mommy's gonna see if they can find some new daddies at this cool warehouse party." "Trent:" "Let's go." "Yeah, so don't wait up." "♪ Friends stay together till the end ♪" "♪ even when it gets painful insi-i-de ♪" "♪ friends till the e-e-e-nd!" "♪" "Need water." "Thirsty." "Ugh, you're fine." "Hate Daisy." "Well, aren't you a greenie meanie?" "Just a wee greenie meanie." "Greenie meanie!" "Looks like you need to learn a lesson." "No!" "Didn't mean to upset." "Well, you did upset." "Time to go back to sleep." "[ Groans ]" "Trent:" "Keep your eyes open." "He's got to be around here somewhere." "Hey!" "I'm on to you, princess." "I'm watching your every move." "Bring peace." "Trent:" "Did you hear that?" "There he is!" "Aah!" "Hey, you." "Sam:" "Trent, don't hurt him." "Trent:" "Groucho-- great disguise." "Hope you can get blood out of it." "Sam:" "No!" "No, you can't do that." "Let me talk to him." "I've waited my whole life for this, Trent." "I invented my own alien language." "He'll understand." "Chee-ka-go." "Wa-meow-meow." "Chuga-chuga-boo." "It's not as intuitive as I thought." "Trent:" " Let's just kill him." "Sam:" " No, Trent." "I won't let you." "Come on." "I'll save you!" "Trent: [ Grunts ]" "Sam:" "Off the segway, gob." "Come on, guys." "Trent:" "Sam!" "Sam:" "Oh, man." "Can't this thing go any faster?" "Trent:" "Little help?" "Little help, you little terrorist!" "[ Ethereal music plays ]" "Sam:" "There we go." "We're flying." "We're really flying!" " Wow!" "Sam:" " It's amazing!" "What?" "That's it?" "We're like a foot off the ground." "Trent:" "What the hell?" "!" "It sounds like something slightly wondrous is happening." "Must get peace device." "Sam:" "I knew it." "I knew you were a peaceful, benevolent alien." "I can't wait to learn your ways." "Oh, no!" "Kove:" "Apprehend these terrorists." "Billy, no!" "Save me!" "Sam:" "Wait, I-I have so many questions." "Like what's the key to renewable energy?" "What planet are you from?" "Do you think I could pull off cornrows?" "[ Moaning ]" "[ Coughs ]" "Kove:" "They both seem to be getting sick." "Trent:" "Who the hell put plastic in front of the door?" "Someone should actually cut a hole for a door in there." "All right." "What do we got?" "The toxicology reports have come back." "It looks like the child inadvertently poisoned the alien thing by giving him a bunch of, uh, Gobby Gooey gumdrops." "Trent:" "Probably sick from all the freedom in our air." "He doesn't get that on his illegal, commie planet." "Love Goobs." "Trent:" "Look what I found in the garage." " Looks like some sort of bomb." "Sam:" " It's not a bomb." "Kove:" "Sam, what are you doing here?" "You're suspended." "Sam:" "You have to listen to me." "That's not a bomb, and this alien is peaceful." "Aren't you, buddy?" "Trent:" "What do you know, you alien sympathizer?" "[ Plastic rustling ]" "Oh." "Oh, a muppet." "Oh, my God." "Alf." "Remember?" "Ah." "Oh!" "Hey, look who I found standing very mysteriously in your parking lot." "[ Chuckles ]" "Trent:" "I know you think your son, Billy, is a sweet little angel, but he's actually a little terrorist." "Okay." "So, can we just deal with this tomorrow?" "Trent:" " Uh, yes." " Yeah?" "Trent:" " Right." "Yes." " Okay." "Good." "Let's go." "Oh." "Um, do you think he likes wine coolers?" "Trent:" "I-- do they even make those anymore?" "I have so many still." "Trent:" "I don't" " I don't know." "The alien's condition is worsening." "He's dying." "Trent:" "He's just playing possum." "Hey!" "Wake up." "Hey, hey, hey!" "Peace." "Heal." "Peace." "Trent:" "You fixed my trigger finger." "[ Gasps ]" "[ Gunshot ]" "Sam:" "Oh, my God!" " You killed him!" "Trent:" " No." "He-- he was attacking me." "Kove:" " Yeah, I saw it." "Trent:" " Yeah." "No!" "He was my only friend, and now he's dead." "Now I have no one." "I know how you feel." "Because I would hate to lose my best friend, too." "No, don't hurt Lilly!" "Trent:" "What the hell?" "!" "Kove:" "You just keep getting weirder and weirder." "Trent:" "You have a terrorist, too?" "She's not a terrorist." "She's a friend." "And maybe my friend could help your friend." "Heal." "Heal." "Sam:" "See?" "They are peaceful." "It's working." "Prepare to... destroy!" "[ Screaming ]" "[ Buzzing ]" "Kove:" "We've just received this tape." "It seems the aliens have accepted full responsibility for the destruction of the Gaslamp District and have promised many more attacks worldwide." "Trent:" "Told you, Sam." ""Alien's" just another word for "foreigner" which is another word for "terrorist."" "How's Billy?" "Trent:" "Well, he learned a very valuable lesson-- all friends are bad." "Which is why I don't have any." "Now that we do know someone's up there, I wonder what they have planned for us." "[ High-pitched voice ] I wouldn't worry about us." "Secrets, cover ups, conspiracies, lies, and celebrity gossip." "Welcome to "Uncovered Cover Ups."" "Miniskirts are making a comeback this season." "Is it the work of Parisian fashionistas or is it... aliens?" "The Mayans predicted the breakup of Mr. Danny Devito and Mrs. Rhea Perlman." "But who shall we thank for their reconciliation?" "Why, Mr. Michael Douglas, of course-- famed actor, family friend... and alien?" "Only you can be the judge." "But remember, when you judge, you become one of them-- a Sasquatch."