"The Simpsons" " Season 20 Episode 03 "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble" Stupid shopping list, turning food into work." " Bart!" " Look at me!" "I'm doin' something!" "You better settle down, boy, or I'll drag you into the blind spot of that security camera." "and beat you with one of those big thick women's magazines with all the ads in it!" "Mr. Homer, why don't you forget your worries with this... the last lottery ticket on the roll." "They say the last one is lucky!" "Unlike all the others." "Lucky!" "Or not." "Hmm, you make a good case." "I'll take it!" "Dad, look at me!" "Look at me!" "Cannonball!" "No!" "I'll take that last lottery ticket, Apu." "Again!" "I won!" "I won!" "$50,000!" "Ponder this, Homer." "This ticket would have been yours if your kid hadn't been screwin' around." "That is true." "Another ironic "Tale of the Kwik-E-Mart."" "You just cost me $200,000!" " I thought it was 50." " I was gonna bet it on the dogs!" "All the groceries seem to have been balled up in anger." "That kid has become a Dennis-level menace!" "Now, Homer, boys will be boys." "Bart cost us $50,000!" "I'm going to Moe's." "Lenny, Lenny, he's our guy!" "Got the ticket Homer didn't buy!" "Oh, cheer up, Homer." "The drinks are on Lenny." "I don't want your pity booze." "I'll pay for it myself." "Uh, I gotta check with Lenny on that." "Uh, is that all right," "Nope, Lucky Lenny's buying all the drinks tonight." "Sorry, Homer, but here's a compromise:" "why don't you both pay for the drink?" "And tip." "I just want to tell you all that even before I won this money," "I was the luckiest guy in the world 'cause I got friends like you." "That's why I'm spending my remaing Scratcher winnings on a kick-ass party for all my friends!" "Where's Bart?" "We're gonna be late for Lenny's party." "Don't waste your shot, Bart." "You've got just enough cat pee to soak two dorks." "Bart Simpson!" "Did you just spray water on me?" "!" "Uh... it was water this morning." "Dang that Bart!" "Thanks to him, I have to wear my backup dress," " which makes my arms look fat." " Oh, you look great." "Ha ha!" "You feel self-conscious." "Why can't our son just behave?" "Well, Marge, you did have that one sip of alcohol while you were pregnant." "I now christen this ship the "USS Float 'N' Shoot!"" "Ay, caramba!" "Ay, caramba!" "Mmm, that was unforgivable." "But I'm beginning to think that Bart's bad behavior" " is more than just a phase." " Bart's flicking boogers on me!" "They're not boogers!" "They're clumps of rubber cement." "That I stored in my nose." "Stop it, both of you!" "Don't make me drive into that tree" "You know I will!" "No flicking boogers, and no driving into trees!" " Yes, ma'am." " Yes, ma'am." "Wow, Lenny went all out!" "In the beginning, there was darkness, so God created man." "But man was alone." "God created the animals and birds." "But man was still lonely." "So God said, "Let there be friends!"" "Thank you for being a friend," "Traveled down the road and back again" "Your heart is true, You're a pal and a confidant" "Thank you for being a friend" "Thank you for being a friend" "Thank you for being a friend" "Thank you for letting me take home the centerpiece." "These are going right on my mom's grave." "Thank you for being a friend." "Lenny, it was pretty cool of you to spend your lotto winnings on your pals." "It was worth it so everyone could have a wonderful evening and go home with a gift bag." "Vacuuming robot!" "Now, before you all leave, I know everyone hates vacuuming, and loves robots..." "These innocent robots couldn't have done this on their own." "Someone would've had to turn them all on at once, and then imbue them with some kind of malevolent sentience." "Yep, there it is." "Well, whoever did this must be long gone by now, Chief." "I don't know how we'll ever catch him." "Kill!" "Kill!" "Kill!" "Hold it right there, Bart!" "Can you tell us anything about who did this?" "Bart make Bot bad!" " Uh, I can explain." " Kill the child!" "Bart, I've had it with you!" " I'm taking away all your TV privileges." " You already did that." " Okay, then videogames." " That, too." "No more non-dice board games." "What?" "You can't take my Balderdash!" "I just did." "I don't mean to be bad." "I don't know why I do the things I do." "No one understands me." "I wish I had a different family." "I feel exactly the same way." "Oh, my God." "You look like a dorky version of me!" "And you look like a dimwitted version of me!" "And you two are ten-year-old versions of me!" "The three of us could create quite a lot of mischief, but I have to fly back to New York." "That's where my wife and I live." "That's her." "You want to see pictures of our kids?" "name's Simon Woosterfield." ""Woosterfield"?" "Your family owns this place!" "And Woosterfield Arena!" "Bonnie Raitt played there!" "You guys must be loaded!" "Yes." "No, but the funny thing about being rich is sometimes you wake up feeling..." "Terrific?" "Incredible?" "Happy as a clown?" "Oh, yeah, I'm livin' the dream." "Wouldn't it be hilarious if we switched places and lived each other's lives for a while?" "I'm pretty attached to my family, and..." "Get out here, boy!" "I want to punish you" " before I get drunk and merciful!" " Deal." "My father's name is Homer." "My mother's name is Mom." "My sister's name is Lisa, but everyone calls her Loser." "My butler's name is Chester." "I have a brother named Devon and a sister named Quenly." "Oh, and my horse is called Shadowfax." "You can't miss him." "He's the only Lipizzaner in our stable." "Lipizzaner... got it." "There you are, Master Simon!" "Thank you, uh, Lipizzaner." "As you say, sir." "Watch your head." "You ruin everything!" "Driver, laugh at those people for me." "My pleasure, sir." "McMansion." "McMansion." "McMansion." "McDonald's?" "McDreamy." "McSteamy." "McMansion." "Fleetwood Mac, and Macauley Culkin." "And this is your home, sir." "But of course you already knew that." "Awesome!" "Awesome!" "Awesome!" "This is my bedroom?" "A candy corn volcano!" "A ceiling from Saddam's palace!" "Ooh, and a racecar bed." "That really races!" "Wow, a cool poster of Joe Montana!" "It's not a poster." "I'm the real deal." "Every day I stand here the family donates a million dollars to Notre Dame." "Did you know the words "Notre Dame" are French, but the team is the Fighting Irish?" "That's the kind of thing I think about in here." " Back in the poster, gabby." " Yes, sir." "Milhouse, it's me." "Check out the caller ID on your phone." ""Blocked Number"?" "That service is $3.65 a month." "Did you switch places with a millionaire kid who looks just like you?" "Just sit tight." "I'm sending a car." "Why are these noodles orange?" "I made it with Cheetos, just like you like it." "If the sauce is too thick, I can add more root beer." "Maybe I'm just not hungry." "Human garbage can to the rescue." "Mmm... so at work today, we got a memo saying everyone's getting new chairs." " Father, could you..." " Talk louder?" "You bet." "Naturally, I threw my old chair in the Dumpster right away, but then Lenny said:" ""No, that was the new chair." "That memo was two months old."" "So now I'm sitting on an orange crate." " I never felt so..." " Please stop spitting food on me!" "Keep your meal in your mouth, you semiliterate spew-monkey." "That's it, boy." "You're going to bed without supper." "That was an odd thing for Bart to say." "Maybe he's going through... certain changes." "If that boy thinks I'm paying to put him through four years of puberty, forget it." "I'm made of hormones." "Mr. La-Di-Da..." "This is the greatest great hall I've ever eaten in, Bart." "I mean Simon." "This must be my half-brother and half-sister." "They're beautiful." "I mean, just the girl." "I didn't notice the beautiful boy." "So I said, "Dad, I wanted a Range Rover, not a Land Rover." "This is the worst Martin Luther King Day ever."" "Well, well, if it isn't our half-wit half-brother." "The old hot spoon." "But why?" "Because you're our half-brother, you're blocking our full" " inheritance and we hate you." " Oh, now I get it." "Bart, I have a crush on your new sister." "You had a crush on my old sister." "Yeah, but that was never going to happen." "Give me back my newspaper." "Homer, it's not a real paper." "It's a rubber chew toy." "For your information, The Daily Growl is the only newspaper that's not afraid to say how great this country is." "How's the war going?" "We're winning?" "That's great." "And our standing abroad?" "Fantastic." "This place is insane." "Tonight, I got sent to bed without dinner." "Oh, yeah." "Well, what's up with your brother and sister?" "They're jealous because my father left their mother to be with my mother, to..." "Eh, you lost me." "Well, got to go." "Enjoy the upper-lower middle class." "Bart, honey, I saw you didn't like your dinner, so I thought you might like pepperoni pizza with the crust cut off." "Now, let me tuck you in, fluff your pillow, and sprinkle a little fairy dust to keep the monsters away." "It's cinnamon." "Nighty-night, sweetheart." "I could get used to this." "Fancy party." "This is like a rap video before the rappers show up." "Simon, have you ever seen the family mausoleum?" "All the Woosterfields will be buried here." "Do you know that after a hundred years dead bodies turn to red licorice?" "Whoa-ho, let me at it." "Help!" "Let me out." "I have my doubts about this licorice!" "Oh, Mr. Burns, I'm really sorry." "Nonsense, young Woosterfield." "Your fortune is greater than mine." "It is, it is I who am at your service." "Smithers, fetch us some lemonade." " All they had was Sunnytime Pink." " Premix?" "I beg your forgiveness, lad." "Smithers, pour it down your pants." "Now, squish about in those pants, rewetting every hour." "Come with me." "You know, Master Simon," "I too was once the youngest in a wealthy family." "You were once the youngest of something?" "But fortune ended up smiling on me while snuffing the life from my siblings." "My older brother was trampled by a horse." "My sister died of a poisoned potato." "My twin was shot." "That girl was stabbed" "He ate another poisoned potato." "Spontaneous combustion." "Fell down a well." "Potato." "Potato, and impaled on the Chrysler Building." "Wow, only you survived." "Which means the entire fortune went to you." "Yes, funny that." "A word of caution, young Woosterfield:" "watch out for those closest to you." " Devon and Quenly?" " You don't know when they'll strike... a boating accident, a mishap during a ski trip, but rest assured, one way or another, they will do you in." "Oh, my God." "Simon set me up." "And all this time I thought he wanted the life of a stranger he met in the bathroom." "Now, would you care to continue this conversation on the teeter-totter?" "Why won't you come down?" "I told you I only weigh as much as my clothes and keys." "So, i looked down the barrel of my Winchester rifle," "I pulled the trigger, and I shot that buffalo." "You shot a buffalo?" "You were listening?" "That means I've got to come up with an ending for this nonsense." "Bart, what are you doing?" "Politely listening to our grandfather." "It was the war to end all wars, but Pepsi would not give up." "They continued to challenge Coke." "Okay, listen, you." "I don't know who you are or what you've done with the real Bart, but..." "God help me, I want him back." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Oh." "The real Bart would have thrown me out the window." "He would have defenestrated you?" "You're just digging yourself even deeper." "Come on, Bart. You've got to get out of here." "Pack like you've never packed before." "You know, I have never packed before." " This is hard." " So, you're packing." " You must have already heard." " Heard what?" " We're going to Aspen." " On a little ski trip." "Ski trip?" "You won't know how they'll strike... a boating accident a ski trip." "Scrubbing you" "Is easy 'cause you've been pre-rinsed" "And when you're covered, with goo" "That's when I'm scrubbing you." "Scrub-bub-bub-bub-bub!" "Scrub-bub-bub-bub-bub..." "Mom, "Bart" has something to tell you." "I don't like the look of those air quotes." "So now Bart is on his way to Aspen, where they're going to try to kill him." "Thank you, future Bart, for traveling back through time to warn us." "Boy, Aspen sure is ritzy." "Even the winos look better." "Uh, we're champagnos." "Who wants a mimosa?" "Uh... this trail is for experienced skiers." "Which is what you'll be if you make it to the bottom." "Which you won't." " Soon he'll be dead." " And we'll split the inheritance." "Yes, split." "Potato?" "There's Bart!" "This looks like a job for Captain Crazy." "Up, up, and away!" "Oh, come on, gravity." "You used to be cool." "Occupied." "Two hot chocolates, please." " Are you guests at the lodge?" " No." "You know, I feel sorry for you, kid." "Going back to that cold, loveless family." "I'll survive." "Your favorite, sir." "Hot fudge sundae with gold leaf and diamond flakes." "Take me with you." "I'll be anything and everything you want." "Don't leave me here with them!" "I never thought I'd say this, but I missed you guys." "Even, what's her name..." "Lisa." "Now we tuck in the tummy, the tushy, and the tootsies." "This is the life."