"Previously on "When We Rise"..." "Maybe we're here for something bigger than ourselves." "Maybe we were put here to fight." "If we ever want be free..." "We have to stop hiding." "I can't think of anything more mold-breaking than a lesbian having a baby without male interference." "We're starting a social group." "I'm not a gay man." "I'll invite a few young ladies like yourself." "The CDC wants to call it gay-related immune deficiency, or GRID." "I'm asking you to dig deep for our brothers," "Ms Visionary Roma Guy." "They are dying." "GRID is God's gift to fags." " Are you on this ward?" " No." "Visiting a friend." "We were in love." "The kind of love that makes people cross oceans." "I know I've hurt you." "But the truth is, we're not done yet." "We know that we're both positive." "We're gonna fight this... together." "We are going to live." "We cannot die in silence." "Write their names." "Write their names." "It's a quilt." "_" "The AIDS Memorial Quilt went on display in Washington today." "The quilt is a massive international effort done by friends and family of people who have died of AIDS." "The Names Project, the 16-ton quilt, is made up of small, poignant, and intimate declarations of love." "To remember the dead, we have sewn panels onto this ever-growing quilt." "We will now begin the reading of the names." "Marvin Feldman..." "Scott Rempel..." "Bobbi Campbell..." "This was a war." "We were trying to stay alive." "We were caring for the sick, burying our dead." "Almost everyone I knew in San Francisco was gone." "And very few, least of all the President, seemed to give a damn." "Just like Reagan, President Bush has ignored our invitation again." "He will not be with us today." "But he will be overhead." "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Shame!" "Come on, Ken." "Time to get up, honey." " There he is." " Hey, hey, hey, let me do that." " No." "Get out of here." "Come on." " Richard." "Richard, let me..." " Come on." " Come on." "He runs, he jumps... he flips!" "Oh, baby." " It's picture time." " Do not." " Come on." "Let me see those pearly whites." " No, do not." "There he is." "There he is." "Aww." "There aren't enough hands to carry what we've got to do on the ward right now, Roma." "All these extra shifts they're not fair on you or Annie." "It's fine." "It's fine." " Annie!" " I'll meditate later." "Come on, honey." "We got to go." " Could you quiz her on her math on the way?" " Yes." "Okay." "Hi." "Bye, Mom." "Annie, I'll meet you at the bus stop at 3:00, hmm?" "You're very late, Cecilia." "And your eyes look really glassy." " Are you serious?" " Yes, I am." "I'm clean." "The power line got knocked off my bus." "Do you really think I could afford a car with just this job?" "What about your court interpreter's job?" "I dressed up like a man, but the judge saw changes thanks to the estrogen." "He asked if he should call me "Mister" or "Miss,"" "so I told him." "Then my contract got terminated." "All right, look, I'll see if I can get you some more hours around here." "But I want you to talk to your parents about getting some help." "I want you out of that flophouse." "Not gonna happen." "My mom learned how to block my calls." "Hello?" "Richard?" "When's the last time you took your temperature?" "Bye." "Looks like you got the wheel." "Emergency?" "Maybe not, but still..." "In addition to the president's failure to visit the quilt today, the activist group called Act Up threw ashes onto the White House lawn, then openly criticized the quilt display." "We need to focus our efforts on the living!" "All the quilt does is lay down a blanket... and where?" "On the White House lawn, where clearly nobody inside gives a [Bleep]." "We want the same thing..." "the government off its ass." "They pressure directly." "We get America to give a damn." "Why attack us?" "Cleve, I know you're in there." "Come out, or I'm coming in." "Go away." "I can break it down if I have to, Cleve." "I'm a mess, and you're all sweaty, so..." "Mm-hmm." "And now you're sweaty, too." "The president didn't show up again." "And you thought he would?" "I am a closet optimist." "And you're beautiful." "I'm Happy to be of use." "Baby." "Did you ever imagine when you looked at all those names taped up to the side of a building in San Francisco that one day there'd be... 60,000 people visiting the quilt, huh?" "That's not failure." "Baby, I love you." "And I want to see you, strong or weak." "We can see each other..." "Good day or bad." "Okay?" "Okay." "Get in here." "Tonight, uh, the chef..." "Roma!" "Annie!" "We're here." "Oh, God." "What happened?" "I walked home by myself." "You never do that again." "Understand?" "... surrounded by a bottle and topped off, uh, with a delicious rubber nipple, eh?" "Oh, excellent choice!" "Yes, yes." "Do you think he could be my dad?" "We don't know who your father is, Annie, but I can assure you... it's not Ted Danson." "Could we check?" "Richard?" "Baby?" "Oh, God." "Richard!" "Richard!" "You're burning up." "All right, Richard, you know the drill, all right?" "Let's..." "let's take your bath." "Come on, baby." "It's okay." "You're doing fine." "You're doing fine, Richard." "Please." "You know this makes you feel good, right?" "Hey, Richard." "Richard." " Richard." " I'm scared." "You're okay, baby." "You're okay." "You're okay." "Richard." "Richard." "Richard, Richard." "Come on, baby." "Richard." "Your T-cells have dropped again." "They're now down to 425." "If it gets much lower, you're going to be open to opportunistic infections." "So, what are you recommending?" "You know that, too." "Marty Delaney." "I'll call him right back." "Hmm." "My new assistant." "Nice." "Cleve." "Now, I can put you on an antiretroviral." "The guys taking AZT are miserable, and most are still dying." "I can't be crapping myself on flights and still do my work." "There's a new drug... called DDI." "Might be easier to tolerate." "But similar issues." "I mean, there's nothing that actually works?" "We don't have access to anything in the pipeline, anything new." "Fight alongside your pals at Act Up." " Get the FDA to start early trials!" " I do fight alongside my pals at Act Up when they're not fighting against me." "We have no time for infighting." "Yeah." "We need to start you on these meds, Cleve." "It's time." "So, Carole, Carole, if you want the support of this building for you taking that open supervisor's seat, you have to be more than just the dyke of the Democratic party!" "You think I'm some kind of Democratic party puppet?" "No." "I am going to insist that the party walk the precincts for us" " the same way we have for them, okay?" " Oh, no, give me a break!" "Give me a break!" "I want a strategy." "I want a strategy that includes the kind of women this building serves." " The end." " Yeah." "Okay." "Uh, I am..." "I'm ready to take her seriously." "She can get the Democrats behind us." "But do you think what's left of the gay community will want to back a lesbian with sharp elbows like that?" "I mean, she'll need them to win the district." "She was president of the Milk club." "She has gay liberal support." "Yeah, but we need the old-power gays, too." "Maybe we should speak to Cleve." "Well, that's good." "What?" "What's up?" "I'm wondering about the legal ramifications..." "Annie's been asking about her father." "And I know I've only been living with them for..." "No." "Forget it." "When you sent me on that spermy mission," "I made a two-way promise through my contacts that if there was a kid, there could only be contact after she was 18." "Well, she's gotten curious sooner than we would have anticipated." "So, you're gonna bow to pressure from a 10-year-old?" "She's a very persuasive 10." "No way." "I'm a woman of my word." "Shoshanna..." "I know that your battered-women's project pays very low rent, and I really want to keep it like that." "So I'm gonna need you to go trace that sperm back from whence it came." "Who are you?" "I'm the man that lives here." "Who are you?" "Ron!" "Someone's in here." "What are you doing with my stuff?" "What's going on?" "What are you doing?" "My friend, you're trespassing right now." "Look... this is me and Richard." "We've lived here for 20 years." "Yeah, well, Richard's gone." "This is our family's house now." "This is my house." "Now get out!" "Please just get out!" "Or I'll call the cops!" "Ron, I told you, we should have just tried to contact his..." "If anyone's calling the cops, it's us." "This is my damn house!" "Now get the hell out!" "Hey!" "Ron?" "Hey, hey, you're not looking like you're up for a fight right now, man." "Jake, just call the cops." "Where's his camera?" "No." "Hey..." "Where'd you put his camera?" "!" "No!" "Hey, get your hands off that." "Fine." "Just take it!" "Get out!" "Get out of here!" "Come back here again, you're leaving in handcuffs." "No, no, no." "Listen to me." "I want you to get KNXV there and KPNX." "Yes, a big crowd's great, but it means a hell of a lot more if the press covers it." "Hearts and minds..." "that's what we're after." "Thank you." "Babe?" "If you want all the gays, you will need the support of somebody more popular than me..." "Or universally well-liked." "Mike, who is the most popular gay politician in San Francisco?" "Tom Ammiano." "I supported him for Board of Education, but he's kind of a clown." "Stand-up comic... and somebody who's really good and... and politically unafraid and funny." "The gays love him." "And you think he'll support Carole?" "She's very aggressive." "I'm happy to connect you." "Just like that?" "What?" "I'm just a little surprised how easy it is for you to help a lesbian fill a gay man's seat." "Listen, most of my friends who are sick and dying are being cared for by women." "So our endorsement or help..." "it's the least we can do." "I mean..." "This isn't about political alliances anymore." "We're a family." "Cops said, uh, I had to go to court." "Said it could take months." "So I'm just..." "I'm trying... to finish Richard's quilt now, you know?" "I'll start on mine next." "I want them... to put mine right next to his." "He's gonna fight for his house." "We're not dead yet." "There's too much left to do to surrender now." "How does it feel to be a father on Father's Day whose son has died of AIDS?" "Do you know how he got it?" "We didn't know Jerry was gay until he told us he was sick." "You had no problem with your son's homosexuality?" "Sir..." "I'm a combat veteran from the Korean war." "I spent months in the hospital with my son and other men and women fighting this disease, and I saw as much courage on that AIDS ward as I saw in the battlefield." "I'm proud of my son." "And I'm proud of his friends." "And these men... they are our boys." "Hi, Mom." "Hi." "Where's Dad?" "He couldn't come." " Really?" " Yeah." "Come on." "After all the names were read," "Cleve spoke so beautifully to all the parents..." "And fathers." "He's always been a great speaker." "Yeah." "He does know how to talk." "Is that how you two met?" "Um, no." "When I met Cleve, I didn't even know what he did." "How many trips are you making with this quilt each month, Cleve?" "Um, two or three?" "Perhaps if you spent a little less time on the road, you might get your strength and your appetite back." "I like being on the road, dad." "Actually, you know, it's an interesting story, how Ricardo and I met." "Um, I was in S.F. General, recovering from being stabbed, as you know." "I was a little annoyed the doctors wouldn't let me go." "And I looked up one day, and..." "there he was just standing there." "Anyway, I snuck out, and he came with me." "We went back to my place, and all I wanted to do was kiss him." "So I did and we fell into bed and we made love." "Cleve..." "When we were finished, he..." "he got up to take a shower." "And I thought, "What have I done?"" "I mean, I-I hadn't done anything unsafe, but..." "I tell strangers on TV that I have this disease." "And I hadn't told this amazing, amazing person, and I knew how wrong that was." "And so I made a plan." "I thought, "I'll write him a letter, and I'll..." "I'll just tell him I couldn't say those words." "And... and I'll beg forgiveness, and I'll... and I'll tell him that I love him."" "And then the bathroom opens, and he's standing there with tears pouring down his face." "And I asked him what was wrong." "And he said, "I think you're gonna hate me when I tell you."" "And I said..." ""I don't think so."" "We love each other, dad." "And we support each other, despite all of it." "Isn't that worthy of acknowledgment?" "So many of us have been rejected by our own families." "We... we rejected family in turn as old-fashioned..." "Till we began to realize how much we needed it, too." "I have nowhere else to sleep tonight." "Come inside." "It's not safe out there." "What's the agenda about HIV infection?" "Teen pregnancy!" "Yes, yes, yes, and teen pregnancy in the Mission." "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry I'm late." " Oh, no!" " I'm late." "Okay, Mr. Ammiano." "Tom." " Yeah." "Carole Migden..." " I know." "... lesbian candidate for City Supervisor." " How are you?" " Of course, Carole, of course." "So good to have you here." "Go ahead." "Sit." "Tom, Carole is just about to tell us what she's going to do for teen pregnancy in the Mission high schools." "Do you support free condoms?" "Yes, I do." "Do you?" "Of course... for everyone at all times." " Amen!" " In fact, I'm wearing one right now." "Yeah." "May... maybe you could pull it off, Carole." "The free condoms, I mean!" "The free..." "All right, seriously," "I was impressed with your fight for domestic partnerships." "Ah." "As chair of the Democratic Central Committee" " that was a bold political risk." " Well, thank you." "Now let's see how much you're willing to kiss my gay ass and get this endorsement." "Well, fortunately, your ass isn't the only gay one here." "Because I can keep that seat on the board at a time when too many of your skinny gay asses are dropping dead..." "While mine just keeps getting wider by the minute." "What?" "You finally found yourselves a funny lesbian." "I found the first link in the semen chain." "She never got a name, but we're gonna ask for an address." "The call's in." "Okay." "Thanks." "Back to the topic..." "No." "Get back to the ass." "I want to see the ass." "I just don't think I can go through what I've seen, Cleve, or put you through it." "I..." "I remember what we said." "We're not gonna lose hope, okay?" "I won't let you, and you won't let me." " Yes." " That's our deal." " That's our deal." " Mhm." "Hey." "Time to eat." " I'm really not hungry, Dad." " You will be." "I read marijuana helps with appetite." "I have a client whose son got arrested for selling it once, and a dad likes to see his son eat." "Uh..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Come here." "Go, go, go." "I've been reading something called AIDS treatment news." "And the new reverse transcriptase inhibitor,uh, DDC... it's... it's stuck in clinical trials, but... but some groups are... are after expanded access, correct?" "And so maybe there's a way for you to get them first." "There's a group called Act Up." " They're out of New York." " Yeah, I know." "They're... they... they don't care for my approach." "Yes." "So I understand, and, uh..." "Like father, like son." "I'm gonna make sure your pride doesn't get in the way of your welfare." "Talk to them." "For me." "Ricardo..." "You'll make sure he does?" "Yes, sir." "What was your relationship to the deceased?" "We were lovers." "When he got more ill," "I was his caretaker and his companion." "In all that time..." "I never once met the defendants." "They didn't even know that he had passed until a friend told them he had read about it in the paper." "Which of these relationships sounds like a family, Your Honor?" "I argue the answer is obvious." "What we consider our family and what the law considers family may be two different things." "But this is a nation of law..." "So I have no choice but to follow it." "Case is dismissed." "I'm sorry." "There have always been homosexual people in the military." "And I think the ban should be gone." "Not everyone is sure" "President Clinton will keep his promises to gays." "White House Press Secretary Dee Dee Myers signaled that" "Clinton may be forced to back off his promise." "I was hopeful and skeptical of the new president's promises." "Lives depended on him making good." "We had to take the quilt..." "our lives... to his front step." "And we needed money and volunteers from here all the way to New York." "And that's where I went..." "all the way to the basement of New York's gay community center, to Act Up." "They're killing us!" "They are killing us!" "Why are they only studying AZT and me-too drugs just like it?" "They hit one viral enzyme, allowing HIV to mutate, and the drugs stop working!" "Begging for compassion with a quilt not working how you hoped?" "If a million people show up to the quilt display next year, congress will see the consequence of their inaction." "And a U.S. President may finally acknowledge that our lives have value." "But look at you." "You're getting sicker, so now you come to us?" "Just because you're too small-minded to comprehend two strategies at once doesn't mean we're not after the same thing, Jason." "There's your anger, Cleve." "How about we use it to burn that quilt?" "As long as I can roll you up in it first, Larry." "Peter's got a group that's communicating directly with the pharmaceutical companies and the NIH." "Hey." "Not everyone's on board, but he's who you talk to about drugs." "They've tripled the AIDS budget at the NIH, but we've got to push for new classes of drugs, find a combination that works." "But even if they find one, there's no access... no legal access." "And this president has already broken his promises." "Look, I get your hearts-and-minds thing, but this is a genocide." "That's why we're angry." "♪ Everybody plays the fool sometime ♪" "♪ There's no exception to the rule ♪" "♪ Listen, baby ♪" "Hi!" "Guess I'm the gay you've been looking for." "It's Tom Ammiano?" "Of all the gay men in the Castro." "Holy moly." "Well, it's gonna be special." "He wants to come here." "He wants to meet her." "Like I said, it's gonna be special." "What are we gonna tell Annie?" "I'm afraid that she wanted a father so that she could feel more legit with straight people." "Tom's not gonna do that." "No." "What's worse?" "What if she likes him?" "Hey, babe." "My mother isn't doing well." "You were gonna leave before I got back?" "Well, I was gonna leave a note." "I'm happy I don't have to now." "What about your dad?" "Maybe I can mend things with him..." "like you have." "Well, I'll come with you." "No." "Listen, is she sick, or is it you?" "I know it's easier said than done to share something frightening, but we have to." "You're a fighter." "But I am not." "Hey, hey, hey." "Don't do this, okay?" "Don't give up." "They're gonna find something." "I promise you." "Look, I just want to try and make things work with my family." "That's all." "I should go now." "Honey?" "I love you." "Love you, too, baby." "I'll be back very soon." "I am not doing this, Cecilia." "No one wants to help somebody like me." "Mr. Ken Jones?" "He's a decorated, honorably discharged E-6, and he's here for your military medical attention." "Tell me about your symptoms, Ken." "I've had pneumocystis pneumonia once, uh, I have CMV in my eyes, and my T-cells are basically nonexistent." "Okay, I just need to see if all this is..." "He signed up for three tours of Vietnam, and now he'd like to see a real doctor." "He's earned that right." "It's a new year now, from Paris to London, from New York to San Antonio, and only an hour to go here in California before we lift a glass, drop our own confetti, toast to a..." "Go down on me for a $20, baby?" "Go home to Mommy!" "You can't handle this!" "You got your balls tucked, you tranny?" "You hear me, you bitch?" "!" "Aah!" "Stop!" "You okay?" "Oh, I'm..." "I'm allergic to the only treatment for PCP pneumonia." "And it's past midnight in Texas, and I haven't heard from Ricardo yet, so..." "Oh, God." "We apologize, officer." "It's almost midnight, and if we don't... you turn from princesses to pumpkins at midnight." "That's not exactly how that fairy tale goes, but essentially you're right." "Do I know you?" "Well, I'm sure you've probably tried to beat me to death before." "And I may have tried to blow up your squad car back in the day... but for now, it's New Year's, and look at me." "So, if you don't mind, we're just looking for one last disco ball before midnight." "Do me a favor." "Between here and there, can you at least try and drive straight?" "Is that a joint?" "Give me some of that." "You've got pneumonia, Cleve." "It's New Year's!" "Whoo!" "Come on!" "Welcome." "Come in." "Roma, yeah?" "All right." " Good to see you." " You remember Tim." " How you doing?" " Good." "How are you?" "Okay." "She'll be down in one second." "So, did you ever think a flip decision 12 years ago would lead to this?" "It wasn't all that flip." "I, uh... well, I just never thought I'd get to meet her." "Sure." "Hi, Annie." "I guess I'm your dad." "Yeah." "Do you want to come see my room?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Happy New Year, dear heart." "You passed out while smoking and, I assume, drinking." "I-I wasn't drinking." "I have some news, but this doesn't go beyond us." "You were probably right not to take AZT, not the dosage we were prescribing." "I am trying something new, but you have to know the FDA has not approved it yet." "I'm combining AZT, DDC, and 3TC..." "They were talking about this at Act Up in New York." "I'm not saying it'll be easy to tolerate or that you'll even feel better, but you might not die this year if you can bear it." "You're out of options, Cleve, and this work you're doing... regular people are starting to give a damn." "So, for your sake, for Ricardo's, but especially for our people... try this regimen." "Oh, God, those pills make me feel like hell." "But I did wake up with an erection for the first time in months." "My T-cells were up to 500." "But Ricardo was hard to reach again, so" "I knew I had to get him the pills, too." "President Clinton ushers in a new era for the armed forces..." "Don't ask, don't tell." "This compromise is not everything I wanted." "I don't care if they do keep a secret." "No fruit should be able to serve in our military." "Huh?" "Not after all we've given to this country." "Ridiculous, huh?" "... Is more aptly called, "Let's pretend."" "Let's pretend gay people simply don't exist..." "We say, with full dignity and glory, that we are fed up having to justify ourselves!" "And we are sickened by the hatred and..." "They said I could go with them to meet Tom's family." " I didn't ask." " To New Jersey?" "Well, it's certainly something we can talk about." "Mom, that always means no." "No." "It means we'll talk about it." ""No" means no." "It's a good chance, right, to meet those interesting New Jersey people." "But part of the fun of being an out-of-the-box family is that we get to do all this new stuff, but we've got to talk about it first so we can figure it out, right?" "And we'll figure it out." "Right?" "She's kind of like this whole new sort of daughter." "So, why not give her all the information she needs to figure out how to do that, even if that means bringing a gay man into our lives?" "In a way, it's kind of like we're family already." "When you were small, you loved to dress up." "I... we thought that just was for fun." "It..." "There are doctors now in Thailand who could help me." "You want... you want to be my daughter?" "Our daughter." "I always was." "How much would it be?" "Okay." "Aww." "Gay dads." "I wonder if that'll ever be a thing." "Uh, please." "Carole Migden won her election." "So did openly gay Susan Leal and Leslie Katz." "And journalists called it a "lesbian sweep"" "as our sisters secured the seats that gay men once held before our lives were ripped away." "It happened before my package got there, when, um..." "A doctor in Texas told him to consider writing a will." "He'd always said that when he started to get sick, he would end things himself." "He didn't want me to see it..." "Didn't want me to see him suffer." "No." "No, no, no." "If he'd just held on a few more weeks, he might have gotten better." "But he didn't know." "I would give anything to see his eyes again..." "To have him hold me..." "Just one more time." "You don't need to lecture me about the need for expanded access." "And I would appreciate it if you didn't set fire to the quilt today." "I lost my lover two weeks ago." "And I made him this panel." "It's working... isn't it?" "All these people, they're seeing us." "I hope so." "This may be the last time the entire quilt is displayed, as it is now a mile long..." "He should do it." "We should get the president to visit the quilt." "What?" "No." "The ink's barely dry on "Don't ask, don't tell"." "He'd get crucified out there." "Family, friends, lovers, and parents from all over the country have come..." "Betty, hi." "It's Richard Socarides." "How are you?" "Good." "Does the president have lunch plans?" "And by that year and that display, a generation after the epidemic began," "342,000 Americans had died." "And still I had failed to get the attention of the federal government." "Still no U.S. President had visited the quilt." "And then, like in a dream, all the people around me started to back away, and I saw men in suits with thin ropes keeping everybody back." "And suddenly I was on my own in this ever-increasing..." "field of quilt panels." "And there they were... the President and Mrs. Clinton." "She said she'd known people who had died, so we looked for their names." "And then I said, "Mr. President, thank you for being the first" "United States President to ever visit the quilt, but I, sir, am only standing here today because... "" "I received access to new classes and combinations of drugs that others can't get." "And we need you to ensure access for everybody because this is not just about gay people." "It's not just about Americans." "This is about families everywhere being ripped apart." "And you, sir, can end this." "We need your support." "And this time it must be unequivocal." "_" "I grew up different than my moms." "You know, they ask, "Why don't you like school?"" "And, "Why do you dress up like that?"" "Thing is, it's them who chose to raise me in a Latino neighborhood, in the Mission." "My friends are from the Mission, and all of us are outsiders in this city, so it's not dress-up." "It's... it's who we are." "I mean, I guess you want to survive as an outsider, you... you can't do it alone." "You still got to have your people." "My wife thinks I'm out of it, but all I'm doing is thinking about it, the next fix." "Then I think, "What about two months from now, a year?"" "It's not gonna get any easier." "Here's an example of making a negative prediction." "Michael has to ask himself," ""Is this thought actually based in reality?"" "We have to find faith in something that is larger than our addictions... a higher power, God, however you choose to define that." "You know, Marge, God went M.I.A. on me about 13 years ago." "Dude must have retired or something." "Or maybe he's in Boca Raton playing shuffleboard, sipping Mai Tais." "Ken, have you been drinking?" "Really, Marge?" "'Cause I'm in a good mood for once?" "So, when I have you blow into a breathalyzer, it'll be clean." "Annie." "Hi." "Wh-why aren't you at school?" "Um, I just wanted a shower." "Why didn't you shower at Mia's?" "Where did you sleep last night?" "You okay?" "It's my medication." "I have more T-cells than a 12-year-old, but I just can't be more than 20 yards from a toilet." "Can I have everyone take their seats, please?" "Ugh." "Who are these suits?" "Let's get started." "Welcome." "As the nation's leading gay and lesbian rights organization, we are thrilled to be hosting the first-ever national dinner." "We're planning a big media push." "We'd love your help bringing in donors from places like San Francisco." "Well, I don't live in San Francisco anymore." "I moved to Palm Springs for my health." "And I would make calls on your behalf, but none of the organizers that I know are quite sure what you do." "Are you a lobbying group?" "What do you do, exactly, with all the money and resources you collect?" "Mr. Jones, we've been advocating for the same causes since the early '80s." "I'd be happy to share the strategic inroads we're making, but for right now, we'd appreciate your help unifying the movement." "Behind you." "So you can do what?" "I think I can get the president to speak at your dinner." "I-I'm new to this position and the administration, but if I don't ask for things like this, well..." "Hi." "Richard Socarides, senior advisor to the president for gay and lesbian issues." "Are we forgetting this is the same president who screwed us over on "Don't ask, don't tell"" "and DOMA, the defense of marriage act, against gay marriage?" "I think you're forgetting about the enormous symbolic value of having the president speak at this dinner." "You should be pushing for federal protections for people in Texas and Mississippi, where it's life or death, not looking for symbolic gestures." "I survived the last backlash with a knife in my neck." "If you go soft now, they will come after us again, with knives and with new laws, as well." "I'm sorry." "Are you fighting for our community or starting a Country Club here?" "What do you need from us to get the president to the dinner?" "Well, you'd have to change venues and add security." "That would affect budget." "He's been through detox twice, but he continues to poison himself with drugs and alcohol." "I'm taking him out of this program." "And since you're his sponsor, I need to inform you before releasing him so that you can make the arrangements." "Guess I'm gonna have to miss taco night." "You know, I wish for a moment that you could be honest with yourself, Ken." "You know, Marge, your support group is supposed to be for HIV-positive addicts." "No one talks about HIV or being gay, and you want to know why?" "They're scared they're gonna lose their benefits if they really do "get honest."" "The individual's sexual behavior would first have to be proven to be a significant negative aspect shown to outweigh their positive service a..." "Who the hell is going to risk that?" "You know what your group is?" "It is capital, top-of-the-line bull!" "All right, all right." "Step outside." "I will not!" "I lost my lover." "I lost my job." "I lost my home." "And hell yeah, I started using!" "It's as close as I'm gonna get to good with these bads I got." "So, why don't you give me my AIDS pills and let me get back to the fabulous life?" "!" "I said give me a minute and step your black ass outside!" "I finally got my life started." "I got my surgery, my family, even a job with the health department." "I can't take him in right now, or we could both be back here in a month needing detox." "In the last 32 school days, Annie's been absent 18 times." "Why are we only hearing about this now?" "We sent notices." "We received your letter about Annie's scoliosis and her physical therapy." "What scoliosis?" "You people actually believed this?" "She obviously wrote it herself." "Who would believe she would be absent 18 out of 32 school days for physical therapy?" "We have hundreds of students to keep track of." "We count on parents paying attention." "Perhaps this isn't the ideal setting for a young woman with her specific needs." "I-I know that Annie is... not easy." "But if not here, where do we go?" "Well, there's really only one option that would take her middle of the year and give her the attention that she needs..." "St. Catherine's." "A catholic school a few blocks south." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Hi." "Look, I-I just want to say that I have..." "I have a lot of respect for you and the work you've done for the movement." "Oh, the work you seem determined to undo?" "Come on." "That is not entirely fair, now." "Read your history, Richard." "We need fighters, not lobbyists." "This is not a movement." "Well, it was nice meeting you." "Socarides." "Any relation to Charles Socarides, that homophobe shrink who damned my entire generation?" "He's my father." "Have a good day." "The fact that somebody is homosexual... a true, obligatory homosexual..." "automatically rules out... the possibility that he will remain happy for long." "It's not like all the normal people don't give the outsiders a choice." "They say, you're free to behave, to blend in, to tag along with them, as long as you keep quiet." "Or you can be you." "You can be as loud as you want, and they'll leave you in exile." "Uh, excuse me." "Hey, excuse me." "Your baby." "Oh." "Hey." "It's okay." "It's all right." "There we go." "It's all right." "It is a highly structured environment, and we have the academic results to show for it." "We want to be really open here." "I..." "I mean, this is a catholic school." "How tolerant are..." "So, we're lesbians." "And Annie's dad is a gay man, a highly visible gay man who's about to run for mayor." "So, obviously we're hesitant to place her anywhere where there could be some kind of... harassment." "You know what I'm saying?" "We support students from all backgrounds, but there will be functions, like the annual student dinner, where attention is focused on you as parents by the entire student body." "In instances like that, I do hope you'll consider what arrangement will work best for your daughter." "Mom, I can't take the baby to a hospital." "The dad's passed out." " What?" " Well, I think he's high." " Well, where's the mother?" " I don't know where she is." "What if child protective services comes in?" "What have you gotten yourself into now, Cleve?" "Oh, Mom, this diaper hasn't been changed in days, I don't think." "You have to get the fever down." "Start by running some cold water." "Okay." "Okay, I'll talk to you later." "Where'd you serve in Vietnam?" "In the Navy." "Cam Ranh Bay, mostly." "You?" "Chu Lai." "Oh, you had it tough." "Yeah." "So, what do you think about our group?" "Everyone in there is so poz and as straight as an arrow." "Everybody's got their story." "I'd need at least 10 drinks to go down that road." "All clear, man." "Cheers." "Cheers." "Oh." "Hi." "Who are you?" "My name's Cleve." "I-I moved in a few doors down." "Um, I tried to wake you, but you were out." "Your... your baby has a fever." "I think you really need to keep an eye on that." "Courtney hasn't been feeling well." "Oh." "Courtney." "Where's Courtney's mom?" "Um, I-I hope you don't mind." "Well, the crying, it was making my head explode." "Do... do you want to take..." "Can you, uh, hang out for a bit?" "I've..." "I've got some stuff I need to do." "Well, how long for?" "Excuse me?" "You can't just..." "Excuse me?" "You can't just leave me here." "We got it." "A majority of the president's senior advisors approved it." "Yeah, and not only will he keynote the HRC dinner, but the press secretary wants C-Span to carry it live." "It's historic." "What the hell do you think you were doing in there?" "After the nightmare over gays in the military?" "Oh, no, hey, listen." "Calm down." "It's gonna be fine." "No, no, you don't tell me to calm down." "You want to be the guy that kills the president's entire second term, hmm?" "If there is one heckler throwing ash and bone at him like they did at Bush, you'll be looking for a new job." "This is on you." "They tell you, "Be like us 'cause that's how you'll matter."" "But the thing about insiders is that even if you do play their game, they know you're a freak and only pretend to like you." "So, what's the point of acceptance if it's not the real you that they give a damn about?" "Where have you been?" "It's been over a week." "I was gonna call social services." " The kid's been bad?" " You may not realize this, but your kid is underdeveloped due to a lack of stimulation." "There hasn't been one smile." "A child like this needs constant attention if they're gonna catch up." "Well, the social worker's coming for inspection, so I got to take the kid back." "What kind of inspection?" "I got to pass, or they take the kid away." "Then I don't get my checks." "Well..." "I... can clean your place if it means you keep your checks." "And, I mean, Courtney can..." "can stay with me when it's done, and you can visit whenever you want." "I don't have any more money for more food or whatever." "I can help you with that." "I-I can really help you with that." "And look... we have really good recovery centers here in Palm Springs." "I can help set that up for you if..." "Just whenever you want." "I'm asking you to help call off demonstrations from our side." "We need to show that we're mainstream now." "Have you noticed there's corn syrup in everything?" "I avoid it by making my own formula." "Millions of people are gonna see the president show up for a gay cause and affirm our humanity." "But why ruin that with internal warfare?" "A movement is not a corporation." "There's no big daddy at the top telling everybody what to do." "I can't just call off protestors." "I'm sorry you drove all the way out from L.A." "And missed your tee time at Indian Wells to find that out." "Well, I did try calling, and I don't play golf." "I am not your guy." "Nobody is." "You could make some calls, explain why this is so important." "If you want people to back off, get Clinton to hold himself accountable for DOMA and "Don't ask, don't tell"." "Get him to apologize." "And then have him explain exactly how he's gonna protect all LGBT people nationally." "If you do that... you might get a positive response from actual gay people." "Should I have him fly in on a rainbow unicorn, too?" "Yeah, and I'll throw glitter." "Little one." "You think my job's a joke." "We finally have a seat at the table." "You're so afraid of losing your job, you're letting him get away with abuse." "And he's inspiring others to follow along." "Here." "Feel here, right there." " Go on." "Feel that." " No." "Go on." "That's where the knife went in." "And this is where they went for my throat." "That's what a backlash feel like." "And when the bigots turn to violence again... because they will... that new blood will be on your hands." "Honestly, Richard, I feel for you." "You're like so many other gay men who have been told you're sick your whole life by your daddies, and yet all you do is try to act like good little gay boys for all those abusive fathers out there" "instead of being pissed off." "You played up to your own daddy, and now you're playing up to Daddy Clinton." "Don't rock the boat." "Be one of the guys." "But you're not one of the guys." "You're one of the gays." "You're an outsider, and you always will be." "And every day you try to play their game, this movement gets one step closer to being dead." "That's why there's gonna be protests, and that's why there should be." "Cleve, presidents don't apologize." "Come on." "Let's make you a nice dinner before you have to drive home." "The senate majority leader agreed homosexuality was a sin." "My father had problems with alcoholism." "Other people... you know, kleptomaniacs..." "I mean, they're all..." "Lott's comments only add to a contentious debate that is both..." "You may think my father's an awful person, but he's no Trent Lott." "Really?" "My father's not what you think." "He's actually been really loving and supportive of me." "He gave this to me... when I graduated from law school." "He added the inscription." "_" "Hmm." "But if you're close, isn't that a problem for him?" "His whole theory of homosexuality is that it's an illness based on an overbearing mother..." "And an absent father." "And my mom wasn't overbearing." "I stayed with my father after they divorced." "We had a great time." "So, your relationship is living proof that your father's theory of homosexuality is dead wrong." "They still trot him out as an expert witness in every anti-gay case across the country, cases we've been losing." "Why haven't you come out with this?" "Richard, we could start winning in court." "He's my dad." "And it would kill him to..." "That's why I haven't ever really come out to him." "Why you haven't really ever come out to him." "Does he know?" "He pretends not to know, and I let him." "Boy." "I think it's time for a certain little gay boy to come dancing out of the closet." "Isn't that what every good therapist would want for his son, if he truly loves his son?" "I watched all of my friends... die." "My whole platoon, one by one..." "Until there was just me." "And new ones came, and, uh, most of them died, too." "You learn not to get too close." "Everybody I ever got close to... they... they take it personally." "They... they don't get it." "Sometimes I feel like I get..." "more of what I need here." "Whoo!" "Yeah!" "Open space!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Whoo!" "Yeah!" "Open space!" "They took you to the E.R." "You've been sedated for two days." "I had to beg the V.A. To keep you here." "You could have died, Ken." "While you've been raiding the pharmacy," "I've been looking for some church folks who might put some sense into an old black poz queen." "We had a vision about you." "We laid hands on you and prayed, and all was healed." "That's the only way they let you stay here." "Um..." "I have my own people to talk to here." "You mean the closet-case speed queen who nearly killed you." "Ken, he's got a wife and kids." "You should go." "Y'all should go, too." "Ken." "You... you... you'll end up on the street." " Ken!" " Leave me alone." "Ken!" "Ken!" "You see that?" "Aww." "Should I put the formula on?" "I think it's okay for another half-hour." "Aww." "Was that a little smile?" "Did you just smile?" "Oh, baby." "Oh, baby, we're getting better." "Oh, sweetie." "Fatherhood suits you." "Do what you can to protect this." "Oh, yes!" "Wow." "Hello, kiddo." "This is a nice surprise." "I wish you'd told me you were coming up." "It was unexpected." "I wanted to talk to you in person." "Can we sit?" "Sure." "So, this is, uh..." "this is a conversation that we've needed to have for a while." "I think you know what it is." "If this is going to be..." "an in-depth conversation," "I think we both should be very careful about..." "Dad, um, you know that I'm gay." "It's time we both said it out loud 'cause I can't hide it from you anymore." "I know that this conflicts with everything you do, and I've..." "I've spent years feeling guilty about that and hiding, but" "I can't be responsible for you in that way anymore." "I felt that I had to come here to tell you, to warn you." "Warn me?" "Is this some sort of threat?" "It's not... it's not my choice." "No, no, no." "It is absolutely your choice if you turn your back on treatment." "Dad, your treatments don't work." "And this isn't an illness." "And deep down... you know that, even though you say the opposite to the world." "No!" "No!" "No!" "I have spent 40 years studying this." "Don't you dare to presume to tell me what I know." "And under no circumstances do you discuss this publicly." "It's too late for that." "The president promoted me to senior advisor on gay and lesbian issues." "Dad, come on." "This is what you're making me do, Richard." " Do you realize that?" " We both know it's not loaded." "You'd never do it because you think too highly of yourself." "I love you, dad." "Bet you have a rich dad in Pacific Heights who wanted you to see the real world, so he sent you to the Mission, but here, to catholic school, to keep you away from all the animals." "What if I don't have a dad?" "Fine." "Sausalito, and your stepdad's a lawyer." "No." "It's just my mom and I, and she's not getting married anytime soon, so shut it." "All this crap has got to go, all of it." "Come on." "What's going on?" "He's M.I.A. For weeks, owes me five months rent." "Oh, he's just visiting family in New Mexico." "Only if New Mexico is in a basement and his family is a fistful of crack." "Building's gonna be a lot quieter now." "Jean Sanchez, Riverside County, Adoption Services." "Yes." "I'm calling about how to become a foster parent." "I'm just gonna need a few pieces of information from you to get that process started, but I can help you out with that." "I, uh..." "Thought I lost you." "Still might." "They want to throw me out of here." "What's the story, David?" "How does a man with a wife and two kids end up in a support group for HIV-positive addicts?" "I don't want to talk about that." "No one knows what it's like to survive a war and a plague except you and I." "You can if you want." "I don't want it." "Not like that." "I don't fall in love with guys." "Maybe... once." "Like you." "In the war." "What are you trying to do?" "Don't you get it?" "We're walking the same road, you and I." "Don't you remember back in 'Nam?" "We would look out for each other, no matter what," "two soldiers... pulling each other out the mud." "My dad writes for the chronicle." "The gay guy running for mayor... that's your dad, isn't it?" "Is your whole family homosexual... or" "Your dad is misinformed." "No, no, I don't care." "Seriously, I-I don't." "I like your ring." "So, uh, are you like them?" "Do you have lesbian moms, too?" "No." "I have normal parents." "Normal." "Cool." "So, since you didn't turn out like them, why would I turn out like my mom?" "No, no, I'm..." "I'm not like that." "Okay." "I-it's you." "You... you came on to me." "Honestly, it's cool." "I-I don't care." "Well, I'm gonna report it." "You know what?" "You can..." "you can do what you want." "This place... this place is a joke." "You've barely been there a month, and you're already sneaking out." "I'm done with that place." "You're going back even if I have to drag you there every day." "I'm not gonna sit around and watch you screw up your life!" "You've screwed it up already." "Look at us!" "I mean, two lesbian moms with frizzy hair and no makeup pretending like this is normal, like you're some sort of married couple?" "Nobody's buying it." "No one here, no one at school, no one anywhere!" "Well, then that's your problem, if you care so much what other people think." "Or yours... because you're so old" " and out of touch, you have no clue..." " Annie... what it is like to be in school anymore!" "Time out!" "Time out!" "Okay, Annie, if you can maintain a 3.0 average for the rest of the year, you can go to any school you want." "Until then, it's St. Catherine's." "Did you miss me already?" "I think we need to push the president to take responsibility and lay out a federal gay rights agenda." "I'm here working on a speech with a writer, and I'd like your input." "So, you just came around?" "I came out to my dad." "And I want to get this right, too." "Aww, Richard." "I'm happy for you." "Here's what we got so far... just some intro stuff, and then he quotes Truman." ""It is more important today than ever, uh, to ensure that all Americans enjoy the rights of freedom and equality." "When I say 'all Americans', I mean all Americans."" "Now, this is where I'm thinking he could say it, but... how?" "Uh, well, how about, um, "I can't stand here tonight without apologizing for our recent failures, and, uh, so now I'll..." "I set out a new set of commitments."" "Here's this innocent soul I brought into the world." "And because of who I am, she may be tormented her entire childhood." "You can't think like that." "Would she be having these problems if we were a straight family?" " I don't know." " A lot of kids hate school." " I didn't." " It's... it's not... well, it's not just lesbians." "We're not alone in this." "I know." "We just do the best we can." "Maybe... maybe you should go... to the parents dinner... without me." "I think you're right." "Maybe that would make it easier for her, you think?" " Yeah." " Maybe you could... you know, wear a dress." "You used to wear skirts..." "I know." "... back in the peace corps days." "You were hot..." "We were both hot." "... in skirts." "Hot." "Hot, hot." "We were both hot." "God, when did we become such dykes?" " Hmm?" " We were always dykes." "We just became moms." "You may begin." "But what happens if a situation comes along where you can't survive and be yourself and you have to choose whether you're gonna play their game or cease to exist altogether?" "And there's a park up the road." "Um, we love the squirrels." "Wonderful." "And do you plan on getting married in the future?" "Not as things stand at the moment, no." "So, a single parent?" "Yes." "And... do you smoke?" "No." "No." "I-I gave up a month ago for Courtney." "I-I haven't had one since." "Before we begin, I need to let everyone know that David won't be joining us." "His wife picked him up this morning." "This is an unfortunate situation, but it looks like Courtney is lucky to have found you." "Did you hear that, Court?" "It's a long process, but we'll do our best to help you through it." "Oh, thank you." "I appreciate you coming all the way out here." "Excuse me." "Are these yours?" "Yes." "These are HIV medications." " Oh, I'm healthy." " That's gonna be a problem." "My viral count is undetectable, and God forbid anything should happen, my family will take very good care of the baby." "Even if that's true, we need to take Courtney, Mr. Jones." "No, no, no, no." "Please." "I'm sorry." "No." "No, come on." "We have a bond." "We have a bond." "We've been doing just fine together." "Hey." "We're on our way back." "We need to prep a new intake." "No, no, no, no." "Please." "Please." "There has to be another way." "This child is a ward of the state, Mr. Jones." " You can't do this." " I'm very sorry." "We... we have a connection." "This is the baby's home." "What..." "what you're doing is wrong." "This is very wrong." "Thank you for calling us." "No!" "No." "And I want to..." "I want to thank the White House." "So many people at the White House helped to make this evening extraordinary, but particular to Richard Socarides, who does such a great job of representing every American, every gay American." "Only equality." "And we will continue to dream of an America where we can serve our nation openly and honestly in any job setting, including the armed forces, without fear and discrimination." "Look at all the balloons and votes!" "How are you?" "Tom Ammiano, running for mayor." "Tom Ammi... you're too young." "Tom Ammiano, running for mayor." "I know you can vote." "Tom Ammiano." "Tom Ammiano, running for mayor." "How are you?" "You have Democrat all over you, which is sexy, if you think about it." "Tim, keep up." " Hey." " Hi, Mom." "I-I didn't realize we were all coming." "Yeah." "It's parents night, Mom." " Hi." " Hello." "Hi, guys." "These are two more of my parents." "This is Tom Ammiano, who's running for mayor, and his lover, Tim." " Daddy, just sit here." " Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Annie's got my genes, so any bad behavior, feel free to blame me, okay?" "What the hell are you wearing?" "I thought I would look nice for you." "I mean, I thought we weren't supposed to care what other people think." "My friends, a new day dawns when we join hands with the President of the United States to finally realize the promise of America." "Ladies and gentlemen, it is now my deep honor to present to you the President of the United States." "Thank you." "I need help." "I need help." "I need help, y'all." " I ain't got no one." " I understand." "I got no one." "I need hands laid on me, y'all." " I'm gonna drink myself to death." " Okay, okay." "But someone like you can't be in here." "But we have a courtyard." "Come on." "50 years ago, President Truman stood at a new frontier in our defining struggle on civil rights and said," ""It is more important today than ever to ensure that all Americans enjoy the rights of freedom and equality."" " When I say "all Americans... "" " When I say "all Americans... "" " ..." "I mean all Americans." " ..." "I mean all Americans." ""So I can't stand here tonight with apologizing." Come on." ""So I can't stand here tonight with apologizing."" "We all know that it is an ideal and not perfectly real now." "We all know that some of the old kinds of discrimination we have seeked to rid ourselves of by law and purge our spirits of still exist in America today." "We all know that there is continuing discrimination against gays." "Our ideals and our history hold that they are..." "That's not the version we wanted." "Presidents don't apologize, you moron." "You can thank me later." "Mr. President, people are dying!" "I teach." "Tim knows this story all too well because I tell it all the time." "Annie's behavior is not unique." "It's what teenagers do." "Thank you." "You do know she got 89% on her biology exam and over 95% in Spanish." "That is unique." "What I learned this year... that if you have to play their game, figure out their system, figure out what you need... that's how I got out of St. Catherine's... 'cause sometimes working the system" "is the only way out of it." "Just don't ever buy into their crap." "That's how you'll lose the outsider in you..." "Because the real you..." "you know, the outsider... that's where the real power is at... on the outside." "Across the country, hate crimes based on sexual orientation are rising." "Judy Shepard's 21-year-old son Matthew kidnapped, pistol-whipped, and beaten to death." "I believe in hell." "I believe these fags are going to hell." "Today I call upon the Congress to promptly pass an amendment to our constitution defining and protecting marriage as the union of a man and woman as husband and wife." "Mr. Jones?" "Yes." "Come in." "You know, from the beginning of the epidemic, our fear was that everything we'd worked for would just be swept away." "But the drugs came, and the death rate has been dropping." "But now there is a new threat, one I never predicted." "You." "Your generation is asleep." "You're too afraid to talk about what happened to people just a few years older." "When you do, it's often with cruelty." "You're so thrilled to be invited to dinners in D.C." "That you just gave up our demands." "And those who truly hate us are tying young men to fences in Wyoming and cracking their skulls open, with George W. Bush threatening constitutional amendments against our families." "I could go to my grave a criminal again." "So, you tell me something before I go any further." "What's it like to be part of the first generation in this country that has no purpose?" "And what are you gonna do about it?"