"[ Man Narrating ] Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime," "Dr. Sam Beckett led an elite group of scientists into the desert... to develop a top secret project known as Quantum Leap." "Pressured to prove his theories or lose funding," "Dr. Beckett prematurely stepped into the project accelerator... and vanished." "He awoke to find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not his own." "Fortunately, contact with his own time... was maintained through brain wave transmissions with Al, the project observer, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Dr. Beckett can see and hear." "Trapped in the past, Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong... and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home." "[ Dog Barking ] [ Boy ] It is too!" "It is not." "That is my Queen T-shirt." "It's not yours,jerk." "Read my lips, barf-head." "That's my shirt, and I want it back." "It's Peggy Couche's." "Now, would you leave me alone!" "Give me that." " I went to that Queen concert, and I paid for it with my own money!" " Look what Wookiee did." "He ate my doll." "[ Boy ] Get your grubby hands off, and keep outta my room!" "[ Girl ] It's not your T-shirt." "It is too." "It is not." "Liar." "Booger-face." "Give it back, moron!" "Come and get it, shrimp!" "[ Groans ]" "Mommy!" "Mom!" "Mom, please fix my doll." "My poor dolly's all chewed up." "I'm a mommy." "Give me" "[ Children Yelling ]" "[ Boy ] Give it to me!" "[ Girl ] No!" "Give it to me!" "Listen." "It's my shirt." "You took it out of my room." "It's Peggy's shirt!" "You took this out of my room, and you know it." "[ Girl ] Look what you did." "Great." "That is Peggy's shirt." "[ Boy ] It's my shirt, Susan!" "It's Peggy's shirt." "[ Boy ] I went to this concert." "I remember the concert." "Oh,you brute." "[ Susan ] Give it to me!" "[ Boy ] Oh, my heavens." "[ Sam Narrating ] I know I fought with my brother and sister." "It's the law of sibling survival." "But somehow I always remember Mom and Dad bringing us under control... with a kind but firm word." " Quiet!" " [ Dog Whimpering ]" "Wow." "Mom just reached max gross load." "[ Susan ] You're the gross load." "Oh,yeah?" "Look who's talking." "You're the one who ripped my shirt." "What am I supposed to do about Peggy's shirt?" "My shirt." "And you're gonna buy a new one for me." "Enough, okay?" "Enough." "Now it's nobody's shirt." "Now it's just a-- a torn rag." "[ Girl ] Where's my mommy?" "She's in front of you." "That's not my mommy." "That's a man." "[ Boy ] Wild." "[ Chuckles ]" "I want my mommy." "[ Chuckling ]" "[ Screams ]" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Uh-oh, Mom." "Baby breakdown." "What's wrong with Teresa?" "Too much Sesame Street." "I've never seen her do that before." "Would" " Would you, uh" "Would you just, uh, go check on her?" "Why me?" "Yeah, sending Susan is like sending Jaws to get the kids out of the pool." "I got science lab, Mom." "First check on your sister." "Please." "[ Imitating Rod Serling ] You see before you a classic example of the devastating effects brought about... when parents brutally yell at their impressionable children." "There's the signpost up ahead-- Go to school." "[ Teresa ] That's not my mommy." "You would send me off to face the world..." "[ Toaster Pops ] without breakfast?" "Uh, we" " No, um-- Course not." "I'm sorry, Mom." "I mean, I know this divorce thing has been real tough on you." "[ Whispers ] I'm divorced." "But like you said, the hard part is over." "I di" " I" " I did." "And that bimbo Dad ran off with is almost punishment enough." "It's time to think about yourself." "Yeah, well, uh, you know, it-- it's" "It's hard." "Well,you're doin'it." "I mean,you got your real estate license." "I know you'll sell one of those tacky houses soon." "I'm real proud of you, Mom." "Wow." "She has totally freaked out." "What do you mean?" "She says you're not her mother." "And get this." "You're a strange man dressed in Mommy's clothes." "Ooh." "I mean, totally creepy." "Residual flashbacks from your hippie days, Mom." "[ Laughs ]" "I got her to come down and take another look." "Come on, munchkin." "Come on." "See?" "It's Mommy." "That's not my mommy." "That's a man." "So's the guy in the yucky shirt." "This is my favorite shirt." "This is cutting-edge stuff." "It's yucky." "[ Susan ] This is too weird." "I want my mommy!" "Mommy!" "Definitely too much Sesame Street." "Sam, she-- Mommy!" "She could see me." "I know that." "Finally, somebody agrees with me." "Maybe somebody should, uh, talk to her." "Do you" " Do you think you could go and-- and... talk to her again, uh, please?" "Mom, I'm 1 1 ." "I won't have my psych degree for another 1 5 years." "They don't give degrees to the hopelessly stupid." "Okay." "All right, please." "You owe me for that shirt." "[ Horn Honking ]" "[ Boy ] Get real." "Mom, don't forget." "You've got carpool to Girl Scouts, and I have a fitting for my new soccer uniform this afternoon." "They got that gross blue." "[ Boy ] This afternoon?" "Mom, my swim meet is this afternoon." "[ Teresa ] Mommy." "Look, you gotta be at my swim meet." "All right." "I'll be" " Uh, wait." "Wait." "What about, uh, uh, Teresa?" "[ Imitating Yoda ] Oh, Mother Warrior, you must face her alone." "Or at least until Rafaella gets here at noon." "I gotta go." "[ Whirring ]" "Mom, wear a dress to show that house this morning, will ya?" "House." "Sam," "Ziggy says that kids under the age of five exist in a-- in a natural alpha state, and that's how come she could see me." "That's why she can see you, but how can she see me?" "Animals and kids, that's great." "What did she say after Girl Scouts?" "They're pure of heart." "You know you can't lie to a kid." "They see right through you." "They see the real you." "And little, uh-- little, uh-- Teresa." "Ter-- little Teresa, she sees only the truth." "Problem is, the truth is her mother's gone." "[ Teresa ] Mommy!" "What am I gonna do, Al?" "I guess you gotta tell her the truth." "[ Sighs ]" "Please don't hide from me, Mommy." "Poor kid." "Okay." "Where's my mommy?" "Um" "Uh, your mommy, uh" "Hummina, hummina." "Your mommy." "Oh, your mommy had to go away for a little while, but she's gonna be back real soon." "Yeah, my name is Sam, and--and this is Al." "And for the next couple of days, everybody's gonna pretend that I'm your mommy." "That's good, Sam." "Thank you." "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "[ Beeps ] Um" "Oh." "To help your big brother." "Do what?" "Do what?" "Do" "[ Beeping ]" "Oh, uh, to-- to win the swim meet." "Are you angels?" "Yes." "No." "Yes, uh, this is Angel Sam, and I'm Angel Al." "The truth, Al." "Here, I'll show you." "Try and touch my hand." "[ Giggles ] Come on back here." " See?" " You see, we're, uh, a couple of angels, and we're here to help Kevin win the swim meet." "And after we do that, then we'll be gone, and--and your mommy will come back." "Promise?" "Oh, yeah, promise." "Promise." "Can you fix it, please?" "Oh, uh, Wookiee." "Wookiee, the dog ate the-- Uh, Angel Sam is the-- the doll elf." "Uh, here." "Then will you read me a story?" "What a great-- That's a great idea." "Yeah, but" "But you gotta hold the book and turn the pages." "Yeah." "That's a good deal." "[ Al ] Okay,you go pick out a book, and then I'll come right along." "Okay, Al, what are we really here to do?" "[ Beeps ]" "[ Sighs ] Well, I didn't want to say it in front of her, but sometime in the next 2 4 hours..." "Kevin runs away from home and" "And?" "He vanishes off the face of the earth." "[ Sam ] He can'tjust vanish." "[ Al ] Six months later, his bloodied clothes were found in an abandoned van." "They never found his body, Sam." "And his mother never allowed the case to be closed." "[ Sam ] I'm really glad you're enjoying this positive parental experience," "[ Al ] I am." "but we have a problem here." "Al, why would I come back as a mother?" "Well, because, uh," "Dad is off having a severe case of midlife crisis." "Well, fine." "But how am I gonna find out why Kevin runs off if I don't even have time to turn around?" "I mean, would you look at this woman's schedule?" "Car pool, music lessons, Mommy and Me art class-- That's just for today." "Calm down." "Okay, okay, okay." "Luncheon for the P.T.A., music" "Calm down already, all right?" "You're getting-- You're gonna hyperventilate." "Nobody ever said it was gonna be easy being a mother." "But since you are a mother, you gotta figure out why your 1 5-year-old is gonna run away tonight." "What's the worst thing you can remember about being 1 5?" "Who, me?" "Yeah." "Oh." "Getting busted by her parents just as I was" "Al, Al." "I doubt that this has anything to do with sex." "Well, of course it-- What else could it be about?" "Lots of things." "I mean, when I was 1 5, I had" "I had trouble because I was smart and shy." "The kid is funny." "He's not Einstein." "Maybe it's a cover." "Maybe he's using humor to hide his emotions." " All right." "What are you gonna do?" " I don't know." "I don't know what I'm gonna do." "But I know I can't-- You know, I can't follow him around all day." "What?" "I can't follow him around, but you can." "[ Chuckling ] No, no." "Yes." "Uh-uh." "Yes." "No." "Lookit." "Reading stories to the munchkin, okay, that's one thing." "But Sam Spadeing a 1 5-year-old kid-- forget it." "Al, it's no problem." "You get Gooshie, No." "Uh-uh." "he centers you in on Kevin, never knows you're there." "Don't tell me about Gooshie." "I'm not gonna do it." "I really appreciate this." "No." "Thank you very much." "It's out of the question." "Al" " I owe you one then, okay?" "Uh, we got somebody called Al for dinner?" "[ Bell Rings ]" "[ Chattering ]" "Hey, check it out, man." "Baby has legs up to her neck." "[ Kevin ] You gotta be kidding." "She's a walking beanpole." "A beanpole?" "And I guess you wouldn't like to climb it, right?" "[ Boy ] Wouldn't or couldn't?" " [ Kevin ] She's jailbait." " Oh, yeah?" "And what are you, runt?" "Too hip to rob the cradle, no matter how many points." "Now, if the Kev were truly lookin' for some action, he'd go after, uh," "Jackie Arnett." "Oh!" "[ Boy ] Jackie." "Ahhh." "Jackie." "Jackie!" "Jackie!" "Jackie!" "Jackie!" "Jackie!" "Jackie!" "Jackie!" "Stop it, guys!" "She's, uh, not my speed." "What is your speed, micro-stud?" "Reverse?" "She happens to live a couple of blocks from me, and we've become... friendly." "Jackie Arnett is friendly with anybody that'll say hello." "[ Kevin ] That's a lie." "[ Boy ] Come on, Kev." "The whole track team's had her, buddy." "I said that's a lie." "He defends her honor." "Ah." "Perhaps this is true love." "Absolutely love." "Oh, but she wouldn't be desperate enough for a class "C" creature like Kevin." "Class "C." I like it, man." "Speak for yourself, zero charisma." "All I'm sayin'is she's not like that." "Hey." "That's nice, Kevin." "[ Boy ] What is she like?" "She's a strumpet." "Worth maybe, uh, 50 points." "Right, Teddy, huh?" "Oh, not Demon and Dragon freaks." "I hate that game." "A challenge." "A test of your noble manhood." "Bring on the dragons, you warted trolls." "Thank you, ladies." "And bring back a sacred sign of his victory." " [ Boy ] Like her panties." " Face the challenge,jester, and earn your knighthood." "I smell a setup comin' here." "So be it." "Handle it, squire." "Grow up." "Never mind." "I'll handle this myself." "Hey, where's he going?" "To set the stage for your conquest." "Yeah,just a little help from your friends, right?" "Gooshie, center me on Sam." "[ Sam ] I'm not gonna tell a 1 5-year-old boy how to seduce a girl." "I don't see where you have any choice in this, Sam." "The kid is-- is-- is-- He's inexperienced." "He's supposed to be inexperienced." "He's 1 5." "I kno-- I'll have you know when I was fif" "The fact that you were a practicing pervert at the age of five has nothing to do with the rest of the world." "Words of wisdom from the world's most sexually backward teenager." "This has nothing to do with my adolescent experience." "Since you were sent here to help him, I figure it does." "No." "Listen, Mr. Moral, if you and I represent opposite ends of the sexual spectrum, that puts Kevin about normal." "No." "You gotta help him, Sam." "His buddies are setting him up for a fall." "When he takes it, he runs away." "Besides, I think he likes the girl." "How would you know?" "Well, he defended her honor." "I mean, you never defend a girl's honor unless you-- you really like her." "No." "No, I'm not going to encourage a 1 5-year-old boy to have sexual intercourse." "What's secular undercourse?" "Uh, it's a game grown-ups play." "Why" " Why" " Why don't we, uh, wash up for dinner?" "I'm too little to wash up for dinner." "What, to wash up?" "See?" "Oh." "Oh, yeah." "Let" " Let me help you." "Let me" " Let me help you." "Let me have this dolly, please." "Al, what if we teach him about romance?" "Romance?" "I'm sure you've heard of it." "The art of making someone fall in love with you." "Well, what kind of acceptance is that gonna give him?" "[ Giggling ] It's gonna get him honor." "These demons are on a quest, and it isn't for honor." "Look, if Kevin goes about this the right way... and ends up with the girl he likes, then his warrior buddies are gonna have to back off, right?" "Then he won't run away." "Simple." "Oh, no!" "Oh, no." "[ Al ] Hmm." "What do you think, Teresa?" "Yuck." "It's ruined." "I hope you're better at romance than whatever that was supposed to be." "Teresa, what do you say we go pick up your brother and sister, and we'll all go out to eat?" "Pizza!" "[ Together] Pizza!" "Pizza." "No pizza for you." "Susan." "Susan." "Please come back." "Get your books and your uniform, all right?" " Mom, I'm gonna miss Magnum." " It's gonna run for the next eight years, okay?" "I think you got a little time." "Come here." "Look at your face." "Will you take Teresa upstairs and wash the ice cream off of her face?" "Thank you." "Come on, munchkin." "No." "I want to stay with Sam." "Honey" "Would you" " Would you do me a favor and, uh, take my purse in for me?" "It's kind of heavy." "You got it?" "I can do it, Sam." "Thank you." "You okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm great." "I mean, uh, everything all right?" "Yeah, sure." "I was just drifting in the ozone." "Hey, uh, Kevin, you, uh" "Wanna play some Ping-Pong?" "You hate Ping-Pong." "I do?" "Well, I mean, that's because..." "I didn't want you to know how good I was." "Come on." "[ Chuckles ]" "Nice shot, Mom." "Whenever my, uh, dad wanted to have a heart-to-heart with us, usually it took place over a Ping-Pong table." "So, uh, what do you wanna talk about?" "Well,you looked like you needed someone to talk to." "Nope." "Look, come on." "Kevin, I know that-- that there's somethin' bothering you." "Too cool to talk to your mom?" "It's just" "You know, guy stuff." "Yeah, well, you know, if it has to do with girls," "I" " I" " I might know more than-- more than you think." "Yeah, I know." "You used to be one." "Yeah." "Well, uh" "No." "No, that's not what I meant." "I mean, if-- if you wanna" "If you need to talk to them, or, you know, find out what-- you know, things that they like to hear,you know?" "Like, um, do you know where to put your hands when you dance with a girl?" "This is, uh, too weird." "You know, I can't talk to you because you're-- you're my mom." "[ Teresa ] Sam." "Me and Wookiee made a painting." "Oh, Teresa." "[ Barking ] [ Kevin ] Hey,you know, I think it's kind of punk." "Oh, no, Wookiee, come ba" " Here." "Oh, Teresa." "Okay, here we go." "[ Squealing ]" "Oh, don't touch any-- Wookiee, get off the couch!" ""Sam."" "See you." "Bye." "[ Chattering ]" "Hi, Mom." "Come on,Jackie." "It's a hysterical idea." "Besides, it's, uh, just sort of an initiation." "It still seems mean." "You're not gonna back out on us now, are you,Jackie?" "Come on." "He might get a little mad at first." "But once he's a full wizard, he's gonna be totally grateful." "Totally." "Of course, as class president, whoever I take to the Mardi Gras Dance is crowned queen." "But if you wouldn't like the honor, I'm sure that I could-- I already told my mom." "Then we're on?" "Okay." "Call Kevin and tell him to be here at 8:00." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah!" "[ Magnum Narrating ] This morning was like any other on Oahu." "A beautiful woman named Christie DeBolt had hired me to, uh, play games with her sister Louise." "She said games." "I would have said helping a rich girl live out her fantasies." "Okay, so it wasn't like any other morning, [ Dog Growling On TV] but one has to be ready to expect the unexpected." "At any rate, I wasn't gonna let it affect my workout." "Hi, guys." "[ Higgins ] I'd never seen a black orchid before, although technically they can't exist, you know." " The box doesn't have the florist's name on it" " What do you see in that geek?" "What are you, blind?" "The man is terminally gorgeous." "He's a "wuz. " Please." "You have a major case ofjealousy." "Of what?" "The guy talks like he's been sucking helium, and he giggles like a girl." "[ Susan ] The only thing that matters is that he's sensitive, and he understands the needs of a woman." "And what makes you such an expert on a woman's needs, runt?" "Knowledge by gender,jerk." "[ Magnum ] Take the orchid back into the house, Higgins." "[ Higgins ] I'd like to meet the owner, if you don't mind." "Uh," "Sue, if you had a guy that, like--you know, he liked you," "what would he have to do to, uh" " You know." " I'm 1 1 ." "I don't have to deal with that teenage mating ritual crap." "But I'll tell you one thing." "You wouldn't be the school joke." "Hey, you creep, I was watching that!" "I'm not gonna stay here and put up with your garbage!" "Tell Mom I'm going to Anita's to watch TV." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "You didn't tell me you were goin' out tonight." "Yeah, sure I did." "Remember last night I said me and the guys were gonna go see Raiders again?" "I'm cold." "Yeah, okay, okay." "Um, I don't want you goin' out tonight." "Mom." "It's too late to be goin' out." "It's not even 8:00!" "And what about Susan?" "You know, she's over at Anita's watching TV, and she's only 1 1 ." "Anita's?" "Where's Anita's?" "Next door." " Are you okay, Mom?" " He's not our mommy." "Have you ever considered taking her to a baby shrink?" "I'm not a baby." "Okay, a dwarf shrink." "Look, Mom, I gotta go, or I'm gonna miss the rock rolling out of the cave." "I said no." "Kevin-- I'm going to my room!" "Is that okay?" "I just thought maybe you could stay down with us and" "No!" "Thanks!" "[ Door Slams ]" "Sam, what's a dwarf?" "[ Teresa ] Sam, Mommy sings me songs." "I" " I don't know any new songs." "Honest." "Please." "Couldn't ya" " Couldn't ya just kind of just fall asleep yourself without a song?" "(music) Four and four are eight" "Where have you been?" "Just go turn down the stereo, will ya?" "I'll sing you to sleep, honey." "(music) Inchworm Inchworm 434 00:27:55,964 -- 00:27:59,195 (music) You and your arithmetic" "(music) Will probably go far" "(music) Inchworm Inchworm" "[ Whispers ] Al!" "[ Sam ] Come on!" "Come on!" "God, Sam, I never really wanted to have kids" "Kevin's gone." "What?" "He wanted to go out earlier." "Wanted to go to the movie with his friends." "I wouldn't let him go." "Yeah, but he-- Oh, he left the stereo on, and he probably went out the window." "I would have done the same thing." "I forced him to run away." "No, you didn't." "Why?" "Telling him he couldn't go?" "No, no." "It's those buddies of his." "They've got the thumbscrews on him." "Jackie Arnett." "That's it." "I'm gonna ask Ziggy for her address." "Uh, what about Teresa?" "Uh, I'll stay here and keep an eye on her till you get back with Kevin." "You're a hologram." "What if something happens?" "Uh-- Oh." "Uh, Susan's next door." "I'll go get her, and I'll call Rafaella to have her come over, all right?" "Okay, good." "And I'll catch up with you when Rafaella gets here." "You know, it-- it was, uh, real nice of you to invite me over,Jackie." "Look, Kevin, you don't have to be nice to me." "You don't even have to talk to me if you don't want to." "We could just get started." "Well, what about your parents?" "At the Davenports." "It's their bridge night." "Why are you doing this?" "Doing what?" "Well, I mean-- I mean, you know me" "Well, I mean, do you even really like me?" "Not that you wouldn't like me if you got to know me better." "Does it matter?" "It does to me." "Why don't you just go over there and take your clothes off, and I'll put another tape in." "It's okay." "Take 'em off." "Um" "I, uh" "I don't know what to do." "Kevin, are you a virgin?" "Uh, virgin?" "Yeah." "I'd really like to know." " Yes." " [ Laughing ] Micro Man's a virgin!" " "I don't know what to do. " [ Laughing ] - [ Chuckles ]" "[ Boy ] He said he didn't know what to do." "[ All Laughing ] "I'm a virgin. "" " Kevin!" " Oh, Virgin Man." "Where you goin', Virgin Man?" "Hey, Virgin Man!" "Where you goin', buddy?" " What's the matter?" "Did you get embarrassed?" " [Jackie ] Kevin!" "Kevin, come back!" "[ Boy ] Hey, micro-stud, come on back." "I'll tell you what to do!" "[ Boy #2 ] Virgin Man, where you goin'?" "Where's your sense ofhumor, buddy?" "[ Boy #1 ] He lost it." "Yo, wimp." "Guy's a major wimp." "Man, it was good!" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Panting ]" "[Jackie ] I can't believe you made me do that!" "Hey, what's your problem, huh?" "That was really cruel!" " It was great!" " Didn't you see how freaked out he was?" "Oh, do I detect the pangs of remorse?" "[ Chuckles ]" "You said he'd think it was funny." "So he doesn't have a sense of humor." "He will after we tell the whole school." "No!" "[ Boy ] Hey, I think she likes him." "Well, he's got a lot more going for him than you losers." "[ Tires Screech ]" "Hey, get your nose out of the clouds and get real." " You're just as guilty as the rest of us." " Guilty of what?" " Guilty of what?" " It was supposed to be a joke, Mrs. Bruckner." " Where's Kevin?" " I don't know." "He rode off on his bike." "[ Boy ] He sure did." "Kevin's not here?" "Rode off on his bike." "[Jackie ] Yes, ma'am." " Where would he go?" " He probably went straight home." "When Kevin disappeared, his bike was found abandoned on Bell Road." "Where's Bell Road?" "[Jackie ] Two blocks to the right." "Mrs. Bruckner, I'm sorry." "Tell Kevin." "Man, with a mother like that I'd still be a virgin too." "[ Cackling ]" "You are still a virgin, pimple-puss." "And you're gonna be a virgin for another six years." "I tell ya." "[ Grunting ]" "[ Al ] Ziggy's tryin'to get a lock on him." "Think maybe he went back home?" "No, I don't think so." "They obviously embarrassed him pretty good." "I figure they must have talked Jackie in" " Uh-oh." "Sam" " I see it." "[ Whirs ] Ah!" "Okay." "Here!" "He's got him." "Uh, they're in a vehicle three kilometers straight ahead of us." "Maybe" " Maybe he hitchhiked." "[ Whirs ]" "No." "No, he didn't." "[ Al ] It's a van." "Can't you make this thing go any faster?" "I got it on the floor." "We shouldn't be in a stupid station wagon." "[ Al ] There it is." "Al, you think maybe, uh" "You think maybe you could center in on Kevin just to-- What?" "Just--Just to be with him." "But I can't do anything." "He won't even know I'm there." "I'll know." "Hang in there, kid." "Just hang in there." "You lay one hand on this kid, you slime bag, and I'll kill you." "I don't know how, but I'll kill ya." "[ Horn Honking ]" "[ Horn Honking ]" "[ Honking Continues ]" "[ Horn Honks ]" "[ Horn Honking ]" "[ Muffled Mumbling ]" "See, what'd I tell you, kid?" "It's just likeJohn Wayne comin' with the cavalry!" "Is Kevin all right?" "Yeah, he will be, as soon as you take care of these sickos." ""These"?" "What, there are two of'em?" "Yeah, there's two of'em." "[ Groans ]" "[ Groaning ]" "I know" "I know this?" "[ Al ] Oh,yeah." "You know judo, you know karate, you know, uh, uh, mui thai, you know tae kwon do" " Uh-oh." "Watch out for the knife, Sam." "It could be sharp." "[ Groaning ] All right!" "Good moves." "You're better than Bruce Lee." "Bruce Lee?" "Never mind." "We gotta get Kevin outta here before these sickos wake up." "[ Muffled ] Mom?" "Mom!" "Mom!" "I thought I'd never see you again!" "I know." "You know, I wasn't running' away, Mom." "Honest." "I know that too." "Let's go." "Good idea." "Mom, how?" "Girl Scouts." "Come on." "Girl Scouts?" "Awesome." "[ Horn Honks ]" "I gotta go." "I know I treat you like a turkey sometimes, but..." "I'm real glad" "You know." "[ Kisses ]" "Bye." "Bye, Mom." "[ Horn Honking ]" "I" " I don't know exactly what happened atJackie's last night, but, um" "Well, I got a pretty good idea." "Oh, boy." "I know it had something to do with sex." "Mom." "It's not a dirty word, Kevin." "The guys... found out I'm a virgin." "Aha." "They're gonna blab it all over school." "That's a tough one." "You bet it is." "I'm nearly 1 6." "I was a virgin when I was sixteen." "You're a girl." "You're supposed to be." "Kevin, you know, it doesn't matter... if you're male or female when it comes to losing your virginity." "And" " And there's no special age when it has to happen, but there should be a special reason." "When" "When you love someone so much that... making love with them is the most natural way of expressing it." "I never thought about it that way." "Yeah, well, before that time comes, um, there are some other things we should talk about, okay?" "Okay?" "I mean, you're 1 5, and... you should just give yourself a little time." "Okay." "Okay." "I gotta go." "Yeah." "Oh, here, leave that." "I'll get it." "Thanks, Mom." "Okay." "See ya." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Have a good day." "That was nicely done, Sam." "You think so?" "Yeah." "Why haven't I leaped?" "Uh, because I'm having such a great time with Teresa." "Uh,you'll probably leap as soon as Kevin confronts his friends." " [ Bell Dings ]" " Your laundry's done." "Halfling's life is about to end." "Death by virginity." "Kevin." "I'm sorry." "Last night was stupid and mean, and I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again." "But I'd really, really like it if you'd want to be my date for Mardi Gras." "Only if you don't wear heels." "[ Chuckles ]" "Come on." "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Virgin Man." "You've gotta be kidding." "[ Girls ] Ooh!" "[ Crowd ] Ooh!" "[ Boy ] Busted by a jester." "How degrading." "You know, this means we're gonna have to make him a wizard." "[ Boy #2 ] We can't give him ultimate power." "I don't think you guys, uh, have a choice." "[ Crowd Chanting ] Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Kevin!" "Okay, now, what do we call this one?" "She's a little young, Al." "Um, Tyrannosaurus rex." "[ Beeps ]" "And this one?" "Um, stegosaurus." "Right." "[ Beeps ]" "How about this one?" "Um, diplodocus." "Yeah." "Right." "Al." "Teresa, your mommy's coming back." "Mommy?" "Yeah." "Can you stay?" "No." "But I don't want you to go." "Well, I don't want to go." "But I'm gonna come back." "I don't know when, but I'll come back." "Promise?" "I promise." "[ Man ] Play now." "Play now." "[ Crowd Cheering ]" " Come on." "Come on." " [ Cheerleaders ] Go Jaguars!" "[ Cheerleaders Screams ]" "Oh, boy."