"I have never seen a crowd like I've seen tonight and I don't say that every night." "Now I've been on the road, for months and let me tell you..." "No one, has given back more of what I'm giving out than all of you and you, and you, and you!" "It's all about you!" "Not me, it's all about YOU!" "Ok we are on" " Oh, cool we're on" "Hi my name is Melanie, we're about 10 minutes outside Seattle Washington" "And we are filming a documentary in, Washington, obviously" "We've driven all the way from New York, we haven't showered!" "Ha ha, you guys are freaks." "Um, we're running a story on obsessive personalities and through the internet we found out about this guy, in Seattle" "Josh Lowell, who among other things, thinks he's Tori Amos which alone sounds like a psychologists wet dream" "We talked to this guy, he seems to be for real, from what he tells us he's a town pillar, whatever that means" " He's a fucking cross dresser" "He's not a cross dresser, no he's not, he's not" " Make sure not blow him, OK?" "Oh, bingo, that's him." " Yep, you're gonna blow him." "Shut up." "Hey..." "Hey, excuse me Are you Josh Lowell?" "Hey are you Tori Amos?" "How ya doin'?" " Hi..." "'Sup?" "How're you doing?" "Good..." "Sweetie Pie You smell good." "Hey, what's up Mr. Camera Man Yo yo yo!" "So why don't you tell us, and the people that are going to be watching this, a little about yourself" "Well, like what?" " Standard stuff" "Well, my name is Tori, and I live in this picture perfect postcard town" "Seattle Washington... home of the best tasting unemployment in the Northwest" "I'll tell you something though... this town is brewing to the brim with hotties, I'm talking Slavic hotties" "Asian, Hispanic, I got two words for you..." "Hoo-kers, everwhere, I love it." " So what's a typical day like for you?" "That's a tough question, usually I'm either recording, writing, doing interviews, things like that... so no two days are ever the same" "What do you think when people say that Seattle is culturally dead?" "Oh you know you hear that all the time, that Seattle is suffering from like a counter culture overload music scene is dead, thing like that." "A bunch of old farts working at a fish factory just gutting out fish... or, working at some tourist trap selling overpriced fudge with some secret ingredient." "You know, but, I think this town is ready for a musical resurgence, I mean uh..." "I know I've been out of commission for a while like after that Pele' album" "WAY too experimental" "I mean I was really pissing in the wind for that one." "But I've been writing a lot more, I've been doing a lot more recording" "And I got some new material." "There is gonna be a showcase coming up with me, a lot of record company execs flying in everywhere to see me perform so this could be a big come back for me as well as kind of a musical rebirth for Seattle." "We are gonna make grunge look like it's a fucking moot subject." "Fucking moot." " Moot man" "Moot baby!" "Fuckin' moot!" "Josh is so one of a kind, he's like my mentor." "Yeah he's a little different but I think that's from when he was a kid, because him mom used to pull him out of bed every morning at five A.M. and tell him the cops were gonna come and get him." "Really fucked with his head." "So now he's up every morning before sunrise." "And even after a night of partying that sun of a bitch can drink until like three A.M., pass out, and then vomit all over himself, and still be up at 5." "And then he spends like maybe 1, or maybe 2 hours just walking around town" "I don't mean just downtown, I mean up and down these little side streets, stares in front of peoples houses inside like he's watching, and waiting, and stalking." "Or maybe he just likes to watch people." "Yeah, he really freaked out some of the neighbors." "The cops picked him up for it a couple of times." "So you're always up this early?" " Oh yeah, beautiful morning, this morning." "I'm always up before the sun." "You hear that mother fucker?" "I'm up before you!" "You suck!" " Who's he talking to?" "You got a problem with that?" "Malaise is also an accomplished poet, and wrote a piece she dedicates to Josh which we'll listen to now." "I want to shine like a dreamy purple lady bug." "Like a glowing brass ball, hanging off a pendulum." "With the sun beaming and refracting the light onto my breasts with my ethereal energy sending waves unto you and you, and you... and you absorb me." "And your guts and organs grow and sprout like some alien weed." "And fondle and molest the status quo, and jostle the fucking republican conservative bastards that are scraping my crumbs... into their jeweled chalices." "Like the misogynistic three-piece suit bigots who pull the bread out of my mouth and latch their yolk unto my women, and whip the back of my beer swilling, food service working brethren." "Until they watch their dignity evaporate into the green, fiery mist, and are forced to suckle at the teat of "The Man"." "And then the really bad shit happens." "The beginnings of the end." "The days of the times when men shall cry out.." ""Holy shit, we're all fucked" and "My life is worth a pound of bread, but the bread is gone!"" "And, "The sums of my toils are erased by the weight of the oppression of my oppressors!" But this all shall pass.." "this all, shall pass." "Josh's been through a lot you know, since he was a kid." "Our dad left, like out of nowhere when Josh was 5." "And then our mom, she used to go out drinking every night until like 2 or 3 in the morning" "And she'd come home, and throw a glass of water in Josh's face and start yelling at him and screaming and... blaming him for dad leaving." "And this was at like 3 in the morning, and this lasted for a while you know." "And then you know, a month later, she brought home this guy... total redneck." "His name was Travis." "No job, total loser." "All he did all day was smoke pot and work on this muscle car, and then his father started living with us." "I think he's senile." "Every time someone used the word "nursing home" he'd whip out his cane and start throwing it around breaking shit." "All he would do all day was crap in his pants, and then run the phone bill up with his phone sex calls." "About a year later, Travis was working on one of his muscle cars and he got crushed to death." "When it happened, Josh and I ran out and we saw him lying there underneath the car, dead." "And then Josh started laughing uncontrollably, it was really fucking weird." "Anyhow, Josh and grandpa never got along." "Josh claimed that grandpa used to "play with him" while mom was out drinking." "No one ever believed him, so it just went away." "Is Josh a virgin?" "Well, actually, I don't know I mean..." "I guess so, unless you count grandpa." "Wait a minute, don't use that, OK?" "So then I told the manager, how can you stock Chardonay and not have any hummus?" "So I told him if he didn't have it next time that I was it, I'm gonna stab him." "You know?" "Shit." " Hey Josh, dropping these off for your Mom." "What's going on here man?" "Is this another one of your fantasies, boy?" "Gonna be in the movies now?" "Gonna be a movie star you little freak?" "I'm not buying it, man." "We're tired of this shit." "You're mother is pissed off.." "if it was up to me I woulda put a boot in your ass the first time...you put that god damned dress on." "Thank you, good night!" " You're an embarrassment to the fucking family, you do no work except for that god damned video store you're in." "You spend all of your money... on clothes, for Saturday night." "A dress for fucks sake!" "People are embarrassed, I'm embarrassed because I'm related to you!" "Prick!" "Get a fucking a life." "You know, I'm tired of this shit." "Fuck you too, fuck you!" "I think he looks a lot like [inaudible] I really do!" "Oh hi!" "This is Frank..." "Did you know that I'm Josh's mother?" "I'm Josh's mother!" "He's a sweet boy, he's precious, I love him." "Frankie, get in here, this is my brother Frankie, he's Josh's uncle... we love that boy." "Josh was always shy..." "One day, on the first day of the sixth grade" "He came home, and the first thing he did was shut all the windows, and lock all the doors." "Then, he pulled a steak knife, out of the kitchen, and hid under his bed!" "He was under that bed for eleven hours!" "He even ate his dinner there." "You know the chicks love a football man..." "Josh... what are you looking at?" "What?" "What the fuck is..." "What the fuck is going on!" "Don't you love me?" "I fucking love you, Josh, I love you so..." " Hey!" "Step off, bitch, alright?" "Josh never liked his step father, and that really troubled me." "I used to try to get them to go fishing together, or hiking, or maybe a nice bicycle ride." "But Travis was always too busy with important things." "So, Josh's grandpa used to like to take Josh swimming a lot." "They did a lot of that while Josh was growing up." "You're always fucking taking his attention!" "I fucking hate you!" "Why, cause he doesn't wanna fuck you?" "He's supposed to be attracted to me!" "Hey ass hole!" "Hey ass hole, I'm talking to you!" "I'm not afraid of you anymore." "I know what you used to do me you son of a bitch!" "You know what, I don't know why he's doing this...he's a little bit nervous because there's a crowd around, so I think..." "Get him off!" "Get him off of me!" " I got me somthin'!" "Get him off!" "My first blowjob?" "That was SO long ago!" "I was so nervous, so I didn't know what to do with it so I just started spanking it like a bad monkey." "The guy was really nice though, he made me watch these, educational "erotic videos" every night for a month and made me practice on him for that whole time!" "Yeah..." "Then he made me bet that he would put "it" anywhere he wanted too... [scoffs]" "He lost that bet really quick really fast!" "Fucking idiot..." "I haven't seen him in years..." "But I really miss his sermons, really good." "Josh and his friends enjoy some downtime at one of the towns spacious graveyards." "And they also had a special surprise for me and the crew." "Ah, Malaise, princess of the black death." "What offerings do you bring to me?" "Oh, my dark prince of the night wind, I bring you this basket of sacred ashes, and two blue jay eggs." "Ah, but you also bring me the glowing radiance of your tempting flesh." "The air stinks of burning lust, and sexual tension." "The fruit of my loins, it swells." " Will you accept my offering, oh dark ad merciless one?" "I shall." "But I will also take this, ritual blade and spill your organs, unto the dusk air." "Oh, your ominous one, no!" " Yes!" "No!" " Yes!" "Please spare my life, and I will be your slave forever." " Forever?" "Forever!" "Fine, then I shall spare your life, for now." " Oh thank you, oh thank you!" "Thank you." " For the first time during the shoot, I felt a bit fearful for my life." "But I got over it." "Josh is one sick puppy." "I mean he works hard, he shows up on time, and he works hard." "I mean, customers love him." "He is like a minor celebrity here." "People ask him about what videos to rent, and he knows them all!" "He even memorized dialogue, in Ben Hurr and... ten commandants or something, from beginning to end!" "Although I feel bad about him sometimes." "One day, before closing, I had to go to the bank, to get some change for the next day shift... and I came back... to see Josh..." "licking some adult videos!" "Like some damned ice cream cones or something!" "I flipped out, and started screaming, and it scared shit out of him." "He said he was just fooling around and being stupid." "So I let it go." "After all, we'd all miss him if he wasn't around." "Josh is a hard worker." "He said he started saving money for some concert." "[Roaring]" "And I think he's also part of some band, or something." "Although I can't imagine it, with the dress and all!" "Maybe it is one of those, alternative bands, that kinds love these days?" "I'm not getting paid for this interview?" "I had to close the video store down!" "By chance, the filming of this project coincides with an ongoing feud Josh is having with the owner of a local record store." "Alright everyone stay cool." "Hey Dave." " Oh, look who we have here.." "Spanky, the wonder fag." "Hey uh, Dave, um, I'm entertaining some guests tonight, and I was wondering if I could take some of my CDs... to entertain them perhaps." " Listen, you're not Tori Amos, you're not taking any CD's out of here." "You're not making any more personal appearances, alright?" "Now leave." "This is a little irregular, he must be a temp or something." "Yeah, listen guy, I own this shop, alright?" "You're not coming in here to steal anymore of my CD's, alright..." "You do I'm calling the cops." "In fact, if I catch you in here again I'm gonna call the cops anyway" "So leave!" "Get out!" " Fucking embarrassing me in front of my friends, you mother fucker!" "Hey, fuck you asshole!" "My record company could buy this store a thousand times over!" " Yeah, yeah, go, go!" "I could buy you!" "I've seen food stamps worth more than your fucking ass!" "Hey, how about this?" "I'll give you a CD if you suck my dick!" " FUCKER!" "Alright, after this light, just take a right where that truck is pulling out." "So... how long have you been doing this?" "Well, I've been doing it for like a year now, once in a while I take the kids out to get tacos... or bring them to the shooting range, sometimes I take them to the video store, show them how to rewind videos." "They love that." "What are we doing today?" "Well, everyone's up at the park, so we're gonna head on up there and spend some time with the kids." "Why do you do this?" "I think it would be selfish of me to hoard all of this wealth and fame I achieved without spreading it back to the community where I come from." "It's about giving back, you know." "It's about giving back." "And you know what, it feels good." "The kids have fun." "They learn stuff, they're a riot." "Alright, everyone I need you to act mature, and professional here." "A lot of these kids come from broken homes, so we have to make a good impression." "You know, to some of these kids I'm the only father figure they have." "And introducing.... the break dancer, with cancer!" " [Cheers]" "Yeah!" " Go Tori!" "What about him?" " How about her?" "Oh yeah." "What about her?" " No, no way." "What about that girl?" " That girl?" "Gay, totally gay." "How about him, you think he's gay?" "Do you think he's gay?" " I don't know man." "I tell you something man you gotta watch out for those fags." "They're everywhere man." "While Josh and his friends seemed at first to be fairly even tempered." "Salem!" "No fucking spitting on people, OK?" "I soon learned that this only masked a deep seated resentment and frustration at the world around him." "This is just for name recognition, you know?" " Yeah.... name recognition...." "Name recognition is key" " Shut up you fucking asshole you don't even know what that fucking means!" "I do too you fucking bitch." " Fuck you!" "Dish rag whore." " What'd you call me?" "Will you both quiet the fuck down!" "Salem, you're my promo guy, I need you to make sure everyone gets one of these." "Someone you see out there could have a cousin that works for a record company" "OK?" "So make this count!" "Do you ALWAYS have to boss me around?" "And this feeling soon materialized into a serious of strange and disturbing outbursts." "Hey Josh, who's the coolest TV star around?" "Fuck you asshole." " No, really, who is it?" "...Well?" " Don Johnson." "Don Johnson?" "But why Josh?" "Why is he your favorite star?" "Oh Josh, I'm.... waiting." "He's cool he gets all the chicks." " [Laughter] Are you fucking kidding me?" "He's like 50 years old, dude!" "He hasn't gotten chicks in like 20 years." " No way, Don Johnson is cool he does get all the chicks!" "He's a fucking loser." "Hey Malaise..." "I bet Don Johnson hasn't gotten any pussy since Reagen was president." "Mother fucker!" "Stop it!" "Stop!" "Stop it!" "OK... we all need to calm down." "I'll kick your ass!" " Hey!" "Hey, we're gonna calm down, you guys need to stop fighting." "Now shake hands..." "Come on." "I got it at this really cool goth store." " So, have you ever done it with a chick?" "Umm... maybe, why?" " I like you." "God.. you're so, hot." "[Guy in background] Dude... dude, check this out." "I like your pony tails a lot." "Yeah, she's a bitch." "She thinks she's some.. "dark goddess of the night" or some shit." "Pathetic little slut." "And she's always, you know, brushing up against me." "I think she wants me." "She's like, 23, doesn't drive, rides that stupid fucking bike all around town." "Maybe she's hooking." "I don't know." "Maybe she just steals money from her mom." "And she's always fucking with Josh's head." "And I'm really growing um... weary.... weary of it." "So anyway I was walking along this bridge, I think it was sophomore year in high school." "And these two punks catch me on the bridge, start giving me shit." "So as I'm getting all up in their face, one of them starts to sucker punch me..." "So I go down, they both toss me off the bridge like it was a fucking mob hit." "It was so cool." "You got thrown off this bridge?" "Yeah, the water was below freezing I was barely conscious and I just made it to shore." "I never saw those mother fuckers again, but man if I do I'm gonna slice them up." "That is such bullshit!" "You did not get thrown off this bridge." " Yes, I did!" "No, you didn't!" "Last year, you told me you jumped off on a bet" "AND you said it was during 4th of July weekend, so how the hell could the water be freezing?" "I don't know it just was, you weren't there so shut the fuck up!" " Lying sack of shit." "Shut the fuck up!" "I did get thrown off!" "Now give me a fucking cigarette." "Give me a fucking cigarette!" "You don't smoke, dumbass." "I never noticed Josh before, he was just some loser up the street from me." "But one day I was walking by his house, and I heard him singing in his garage and he was practicing for some show or something..." "I walked up to him and I think I scared him because he denied he was doing anything." "But, you know, once he learned he could trust me, he opened up all his ideas and dreams." "And it sort of freaked me out because I asked him if he liked Tori Amos because, you know, I heard it in the garage..." "And he said he was Tori Amos." "Really strange." "But you know what?" "He was." "He was so like... charming." "I was in his spell." "So he said I was going to be part of his big success story, like part of his music dream!" "And he's so amazingly charming!" "You know..." "I think I am still in his spell." "Well..." "I know that maybe one day maybe realize is in fact not Tori Amos and maybe we could be together." "I mean he sees the way I look at him, and I absorb his energy every time I'm around him." "I love him." "I'm bisexual." "I always tried to raise Josh in a pleasant, stable, comfortable home, filled with love, and happiness, and smiles." "You see, I believe that every day of a child's upbringing prepares his mind for when he's on his own." "Just give me the flyers." "I'm gonna straighten this shit out." "Hey uh.." "Hey Dave I was wondering if I could grab some of my CD's maybe so I can send a shout out to my homies on Broadway." "Yo?" "A little shout out to my homies?" " Get lost, loser." "I got these flyers here, orange card stock for my showcase, you can put them in your window, a lot of high level record company execs" "You want me to call the cops?" "Or I could burn this fucking fruit stand of yours down if you don't put my fucking flyers up!" "Hey, paws off redneck!" "Son of a bitch!" "These hands are how I make my living, asshole!" "These hands are how I make my living!" "Get lost loser!" " Hey fuck you!" "I'll burn this fucking place down, I'll firebomb this place!" "Yeah, come here and say that." " Hey, you see these?" "You'll be sucking on these tonight!" "Fuck you." " No, fuck you!" "FUCK YOU!" " NO, FUCK YOU!" "Fucking piece of shit..." " Hey!" "I'll kick your fucking ass!" "I'll eat your kids for thanksgiving!" "I'll fuck your dog!" "You hear me?" " Yeah, come on." "I think what makes Josh so special, is that failure is not in his vocabulary." "I mean, he has this drive and determination that could take him anywhere." "Be it the top of the music industry, or the adoration of millions of teens or like the status of mega-celebrity." "And Salem and I just want to be there for him when it happens, you know?" "We believe in him." "Well, at least I do." "I think Salem just wants to touch his balls, that fucking homo." "I don't think he actually has a family." "I would be really surprised if he even gave a shit where his parents were." "All I know is like, we don't even know where he lives." "He just shows up at Josh's out of nowhere, up on the streets, all really fucking freaky." "All I know is that if that asshole tries to hit on me one more time I'm gonna pound a spike through his balls and see how he likes that." "Alright we got a stack for you, got a stack for you, and a stack for you." "This is very important name recognition is key gotta get these out to everyone." "Tori?" "It says that you're exploding into Seattle... in November." "Yeah?" " Well, it is November." "Well then I guess I better get the fuck ready then, huh?" "Yo this neighborhood... fucking...." "Yo pass these flyers out." "It's like a fucking combat zone in here." "It's like a combat zone ba-divah combat zone ba-divah combat zone ba-divah combat zone" " Shut up, Salem!" "Ba-divah-divah What what?" "Yeah fucking pass them out, mother fucker!" " Stupid idiot!" "Check the flyer vricka yo what what?" "Well you know what, fame is fleeting, I may be a star today but I may be gone tomorrow, you know?" "Yeah, no one lives forever." "And one of these days... we're all gonna die." "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEE!" "Alright this stuff's all free so dig in." "Hey Josh." " Yo." "Your sister's lookin... ah... pretty sweet." "Yeah well maybe if you had a pussy she'd go out with you." " Shut up you closet case!" "Anyway, like I said like a few years back I was in New York City doing a lecture on rock and roll image..." "And like after the lecture I'm walking around the convention hall, who do I see walking behind me?" "Ace Frehley." "No way..." " Yeah, Ace, the man." "He's walking up to me I'm like hey what's going on?" "And he's like how you doing?" "I'm like, let me buy you a drink!" "He's like, pleased to meet you!" "So like two hours and three bottles of gin later..." "He starts holding forth on KISS, and the music industry, and how he used to bang this chick, and bang that chick, it was way cool." "You suck!" "You met Ace Frehley?" " Oh yeah." "We've kept in such since, we're tight, we talk all the time." "Yeah... when have you ever talked to him?" "I've never seen you on the phone with him." "We talk all the time you're just not there when we do." "Uh huh..." " I'm serious!" "Alright then... call him." "Fuck you." "Sometimes I don't think Josh belongs on this planet." "He's so ethereal." "Almost like an alien." "He's such a trip to watch." "What the fuck are you doing here?" "Hey just let me in and I won't start shit, alright?" "Listen, how about this, I promise not to kick your ass if you leave right now." "Trying to act tough?" "You think you can take me?" "I'll swell up on you." "You hear me?" "YOU HEAR ME?" " Let's go." "You think you can fucking take me?" "Mother fucker." "I can make one phone call and get twenty guys here!" "Why don't you make it?" "Bullshit!" "Fucking bullshit!" "Fuck you man!" "FUCK!" "What, the fuck man?" "Josh get's way too into his TV." "I mean he'll watch the same movie, and concert, over, and over, and over again." "It's really scary." "Yeah, one time he rented the Ten Commandments, and watched it like, two weeks straight, four times a day." "Weird." "And then, he like invited us over to his kitchen, locked us in, gave us all popcorn, and went through every fucking line of that movie..." "He didn't fuck it up once!" "Fucking weird." "But yeah, you know he did let us go home afterwards." "You know what, a lot of people think pornography is dirty, most guys I know won't even admit to jerking off." "You know what I do it every day." "Today is no exception." "And you know what?" "I'm gonna start a business." "I'm gonna make so much damn money, that fucking people vomit, when they see my fucking wallet." "You know what, most guys I know, would rather work their meat than have to remember some chicks birthday." "I'm gonna start a company I'm gonna call it relationship hookers." "Yeah, relationship hookers, real hookers except just on a card." "So for like fifty bucks, you buy a card, and some chick calls you three times a day telling you she loves you and cares about you and shit like that." "Or for a hundred bucks, you can buy an obsessive relationship hooker card where some psycho bitch calls you seven or eight times a day." "Calls your boss and threatens to get your fired, calls your ex girlfriend, threatens to kill her, calls your family, calls you in the middle of the night" "Starts screaming at you..." "I think guys would go for that because you know if you get sick of a relationship hooker card, you just throw it away!" "Neat, huh?" "And on every card is a picture of your relationship hooker along with her stats so you can send her like gifts and candy and chocolate and bail money." "Yeah, I know there's no sex involved, but like I said, most guys would rather work their meat then have to deal with some chick all cranked out on her period." "I tell you something, that is what I'm fucking gonna do with my life, so fuck y'all." "Oh yeah..." "Dinner, is served." "Josh and Walter...oh, excuse me, "Salem"..." "Yeah, I think they met in high school or something." "He's always hanging around Josh like some fucking rash or jock itch or something, it's really fucking annoying." "He keeps hitting on me, it's just so disgusting!" "He's so like... industrial, try's to out goth me once in a while, like buying a new Cure CD, or Christian Death CD or Sisters of Mercy." "He starts showing off and talking shit all the time, he just pisses me off!" "One time he pissed me off so bad I kicked him square in the balls it was so much fun!" "Yeah I guess he just ate because when kicked him, he like sprayed vomit everywhere." "It was totally sick." "That's some good shit." "What is it?" "That's a long story." "Long story..." "You remember on the news, that whole Iraq invasion thing?" "Yeah..." " You remember the bit about the gunfight between the 101st airborne and" "Ude and Kusay's crew" " Yeah..." "Well, what they didn't tell you, is when they had killed Ude and Kusay they went through to investigate the palace." "Found a little hidden bunker underneath." "The "King's chamber" if you know what I'm saying." "The place was lined, wall to wall, sixteen palates" "Of a primo, hashish and shisha blend." " Nice..." "The legendary prime cut." "Got a friend stationed out of Luxembourg who smuggled some of the shit in for me." "Cool...." "So is this stuff like uh..." "Is this stuff like pot?" "No, it won't get you high like pot." " Can I try it?" "Go for it." "You sure?" " Be my guest, man." "So what are we doing out here man?" "What's going on?" "This is operation mother fucking payback's a bitch, yo!" "Shaky shaky shaky!" "Alright... put these on!" "What is this?" " Just put them on!" "Okay okay!" "What are we doing here?" "We are going undercover baby!" "Fucking record store owner won't give me my fucking CD's!" "I'm gonna fuck his shit up!" "Fuck it up gangsta!" " Fuck it up gangsta!" "Are we going O.G. now?" " Oh yeah, oh yeah." "Hey hey, give me five minutes, you hear anything, you fucking jet, got it?" "Got it!" " Alright, lets go!" "Sign:" "We Sell Kiddie Porn" "We sell kiddie porn, what the fuck." " Quiet!" "Quiet!" "Ah yes, I'd like to inquire about your selection of kiddie porn." "I wanna buy a magazine." "Fuck you, man!" "No, fuck you!" "Fuck you!" "Drive drive!" "Salem, whatcha doing?" " Nothing." "Salem, will you teach me how to roll a fatty?" " No!" "I don't know why everyone thinks they have to be a rebel." "You know, fight against the system?" "What is there to fight against?" "The government?" "The government is looking out for our best interests." "Ok, well, maybe not that whole sodomy law thing..." "I'm not gonna get into that." "And ok there is the illuminati, the tri-lateral commission and the whole "fluoride" in the water system." "Yeah, sure it's fluoride." "Dude... this shisha....rules...." "Yeah...fo sho" " Fo sho..." "Titties." "And mutilated cattle have been showing up everywhere." "Car taillights?" "They've been feeding us subversive information since '84, '85 and Andrian Zmead?" "He's running the show." "See, I don't know how everyone else seems to think about this but I for one, I trust George Bush." "Why?" " That's easy." "He's got a Southern accent." "I mean, wouldn't you trust me more if I was like" "[British accent] I've got a southern accent!" "And I love the government!" "It's all jolly good and great and..." "Well that's... that's not a southern accent, actually." "That kind of sounds like Tony Blair." "Oh..." "Yes, I'd like you to connect me to AR please." "This is Tori Amos." "Yes, it's really me..." "Why?" "No, I'm not kidding." "Maybe I should just show up tomorrow with your last pay check and show you the door?" "Will you put me through now?" "Okay, well maybe I'll show up at your desk tomorrow with a bottle of ether and a rag." "How'd you like that?" "...Hello?" "H-Hello!" "They fucking hung up on me again." "Those mother fuckers." "Why do they do this shit to me?" "I don't fucking deserve this." "You know what?" "I'm gonna go indie." "Fuck them." " Fuck them!" "Fuck them up their fucking ass!" " Fuck them up the ass!" "Fuck them up their fucking ass with a duck!" "Fuck them up the ass with a duck!" "With a fucking duck!" "Get away from me!" "And somebody please, turn that FUCKING camera off!" "Is that like... pot?" "Not... really...." "It doesn't get you high as pot." "It's more for enhancing certain things." "Like what?" "Well, some of the middle eastern and asian cultures use it to enhance certain tantric sex rituals." "What's tantric?" " That's really something I should explain in private." "Care to make an appointment?" " Ok that sounds like fun." "How's this thing work, man?" "Yo I can do it." "I got it!" "..." "Two is enough." "Anyway...." "What was I saying, like three or four months ago, I'm working at the video store, these three pricks come in," "They walk up to the counter, start giving me shit, like they're all tough, about how I'm wearing a dress and shit, like that" "Some I'm like, hey-hey, maybe I'm wearing a dress, but I've got enough dick for your girlfriends, make them all happy." "Well, they didn't like that." "They stormed off, gave me the finger, tossed the videos on the floor." "So I didn't think anything of it." "Later that night, I'm closing up, I'm at the back door I just lock up, turn the key, take the key out, I turn around" "The same pricks are there waiting for me." "I tried to get back in, one of them slaps the keys out of my hand." "The other guy cold cocks me and I go down, right?" "Then they start to work on me." "Gave me a busted up jaw, black eye, busted lip..." "So..." "Tori?" " Yes." "I have a question for you." " Shoot." "Well, I have a confession to make." "The other producers and I made a few phone calls." "And we asked your boss at the video store to let us see some of your old time cards." "Now, I want you to take a look at this concert review, it talks about a concert that Tori Amos did..." "In Denver, on August 7th." " This was a cool show." "Funny story about that night, the drummer" "And here is a photo copy of your timecard." "As you can see it shows you worked a full shift on that same day, August 7th." "Until midnight." "Yeah?" "Well, it's physically impossible that you could've been at both places at once." "You couldn't have been in Denver performing and in Seattle working at the same time." "So how do you explain this?" "Were you in both places?" "You know what?" "Turn the fucking camera off, alright?" "Stop fucking filming." "Shut-Stop it!" "We're done!" "We're fucking done here!" "We're fucking done." "I'm out of here." "Get the FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!" "Josh, stop, don't freak out!" "While we may never know what is really going on inside Josh's head..." "I guess what matters is that Josh teaches us one very valuable lesson each and every day." "He shows us that by living his life as an example..." "That every day is your to live, or to waste" "And Josh treats every day like it's the only day that matters." "This is Melanie Owens, signing off." "So is that like pot?" "Not... really...." "It doesn't get you high like pot." "It's for enhancing certain things." "Enhancing what?" "Well, some of the asian and middle eastern cultures use it to enhance their tantric sex." "Tantric sex?" "What's that?" " That's something I would need to explain in private." "Care to make an appointment?" "(Subtitles by Robert DeVoe AKA Salem)"