"How are you?" "Didn't we just talk about that?" "That was yesterday." "Today is Tuesday." "So I've been here long?" "A month." "Wayne Says" "My grief pattern is atypical" "Yeah" "Got to talk with Wayne." "I think he gives too much medication Way too much" "Stop it, please." "trust on this to be smarter than you." "He strayed out of medical school He don't know what he's doing" "I've treated ten tenths as many patients as he has" "But you're not a doctor." "No, I'm not" "And I'm proud that I'm not a doctor like him." "There is nothing ... atypical about your grief" "It was my fault." "What about me?" "I was there too." "I could have stopped him." "No." "You didn't know that he..." "Started waking up lately" "I was aware that he would sometimes ... wake up" "And crawl out of bed" "And walk about" "Just as you thought that he was soundly asleep" "He could open the baby gate" "He ..." "He woke up ..." "And w..." "Was confused" "Hey!" "Dr.Wayne says he won't be back home." "You couldn't leave it, could you?" "You had to mettle." "This place leads nowhere." "On the contrary ..." "Grief" "It's not a disease ..." "It's a natural healthy reaction." "You can't just remove it You mustn't ..." "Wayne knows you're a therapist" "He said you shouldn't treat your own family" "In principle I agree, but ..." "But you're just so much smarter" "Aren't you?" "I love you." "Nothing hurts more than to see the one thy in love ..." "Subjected to mistakes and wrongs" "No therapist can know as much about you as I do" " It hurts." " I know." "There's no way around it." "I want to talk to ..." "I'm not gonna let you do that." "Why not just go all alone?" "No." "A little change." "Wouldn't get any worse ..." "Yes, it will." "You're always been distant from me and Nick" "Ever I come to think of it" "Very very distant" "Okay" "Can you give me some examples from this?" "Hell, That's not that difficult to understand." "I've lost someone, for instance..." "You terribly distant lost someone" "As a father ..." "And as a husband." "And that was Nick's last summer you missed that on" "Too bad" "I never interested you." "Until now." "That I'm your patient." "Perhaps I'm not supposed to talk about these things" "There is nothing you can't talk about" "You are indifferent to whether your child is alive or dead" "I bet you have a lot of clever therapist replies to that." "Haven't you?" "Well, actually ..." "It was to ..." "Honor your wish." "You wanted peace to write." "Perhaps I didn't mean it" "What I understood ..." "Is that you want me to ride alone" "That you and Nick, were going to go to Eden." "Just the two of you" "That way you could finish your thesis" "But I didn't" "You didn't?" "You see?" "You didn't even know that." "Why did you give up?" "That's not like you" "The hope project Just seemed ..." "Less important upthere." "As you said, When I like told you about my subject..." "Glib" "I never called your subject glib" "Perhaps you didn't use that word, but that's what you meant." "And all of a sudden It was glib" "Or even was ..." "some kind of lie." "I see" "No, You don't see." "You see a lot of things" "But not that." "Inhale..." "On a count of five" "Call me, call me." "Just ..." "Follow me ..." "Do it with me ..." "Inhale ..." "Inhale ... on a count to five ..." "Inhale..." "Two" "Stay with me ..." "Stay with me ..." "I'm Gonna teach you how to breathe." "Inhale ... 2 ... 3 ... 4, 5, hold." "2 ... 3 ... 4, 5, exhale ..." "Good." "Imagine ..." "Imagine you're blowing on your ..." "Vessel plumbs" "Calmly, quietly ..." "Yes, yes, that's good." "That's good." "That's very good." "I told you there would be a change." "You're still mourning but you're in a new phase." "What phase?" "Anxiety." "Anxiety." "Yes" "This is physical." "It's dangerous." "No, it's not dangerous." "Just as your grief wasn't dangerous a main part of anxiety" "Is physical" "Dizzy spells" "Dry mouth ... misguided hearing ..." "Trembling" "Heavy breathing ..." "Less pulse ..." "Nausea ..." "Hey!" "Easy ..." "Never screw your therapist." "No matter how much your therapist may like it" "I know that distracts you, but ..." "It's not good for us." "Do the breathing." "Hold" "Exhale" "You love me?" "Yes, I do" "Then help me." "It's what I'm doing" "Exposure" "That's the only thing that really works ..." "Everything else is ..." "Just talk" "You have to have the courage to stay in the situation that frightens you." "And then you'll learn that fear isn't dangerous." "Let's make a list of things you're afraid of." "In the top You put the situation you fear the most" "But I don't know what I'm afraid of" "Just ... take your time." "I'm thinking." "Okay" "I'm thinking, but ..." "Can't I just be afraid without a definite object?" "No, no!" "This won't do" "Stupe Stupidest thing I could do to you" "If you can't tell me ..." "What your fear's of." "Maybe it would be easier for you to tell me" "Where you're afraid?" "Where would you feel most exposed?" "What would be the worst place?" "An apartment?" "The street?" "A store?" "The park?" "Listening to someone, maybe." "The woods." "The woods?" "The woods, yes." "It's funny because ... you were the one that always wanted to go into the woods" "What scares you about the woods?" "What frightens you... there?" "Everything" "Tell me what you think is supposed to happen in the woods." "Eh?" "Is it any woods in particular?" "Eden." "Eden?" "What do you say we put..." "A garden round Eden at the top of the pyramid?" "No." "Not quite at the top." "No." "Okay" "It's..." "It's okay" " I'm sorry" " It's okay" "We can start by working on your expectations" "Close your eyes." "Feel the seat underneath you." "Feel yourself sinking down into it" "Folding you ..." "It's a nice feeling." "What you feel is a pleasant warmth and heaviness" "your breath... is deep" "I gather You sink ..." "Down ..." "Imagine you're at Eden." "Imagine you arrived at Eden through the woods." "Tell me what you see?" "I'm at the bridge." "It's evening" "Almost no voice can be heard." "The water is running without a sound." "Darkness comes out anytime here" "I walk into it" "The little deers ... are hiding." "Among their friends." "As usual." "Is it Difficult to go upthere?" "No." "Not really." "That is almost okay" "In a mountain of trees ..." "Almosty" "There's a built foxhole" "How do you feel there?" "I can't really tell." "It should be easy ... passing" "And yet ..." "It's like walking through mud." "The trunk is thick" "the dear old ****" "It has some strange kind of personality." "I've always found that." "No." "Where are you, are you...?" "Are you heading for the cabin?" "Yes, I am" "I'm walking up above ..." "Through the tall grass ..." "Then don't come in." "Don't go in." "You see outside you're afraid of" "Don't look around ..." "No." "Lie down on the green." "You want me to lie down?" "Lie down on the grass." "On top of all the plants?" "Yes, lie down on the plants." "Are you lying down?" "Yes" "Good" "What is everything like around you?" "Green." "It's all very green." "Good" "Now will you do what I ask you?" "Yes" "What do you want me to do?" "I want you..." "To melt... into the green." "Don't fight it." "Just ..." "Turn green." "No matter what happens you were there." "You did it." "Let fear come, if it likes." "Remember." "But the mind can concieve and believe it can achieve" "What's wrong?" "Ground is burning." "The ground is not burning." "Gotta go." "I want to lie down." "Just for a minute." "Sure." "Yea." "We'll take a rest." "Shouldn't we go home?" "Yeah" "Yeah, we should." "Scared?" "Stay awake for me." "Relax" "Stay ... stay in there." "It's just stupid acorns" "What are you doing?" "I'm just ..." "Setting up... a little exercise." "It's..." "It's like a ..." "It's like a game." "You cheated me yesterday." "Running is not good." "... You have to really feel the grass." "I want you to go from this stone ..." "To this stone." "Pretty scary, huh?" "You're ready?" "Yea" "I'll give you a ride." "I'll put you on the first stone." "Stay with me" "Here we go" "Put your foot down I got you." "I got you I'm right here." "I can't do this." "Yes, you can." "You can and you will." "Just like I will." "We're gonna walk together." "We're gonna walk together, okay?" "Now ..." "Alright now, Breathe." "Let's step off the rock." "And step on that grass." "Step down" "See?" "..." "What happened?" "Keep breathing ..." "See?" "Keep breathing" "I've got you" "You're really doing great" "Okay?" "... keep breathing." "Five, five and five." "You're almost there." "You're almost there You're doing great ... Five." "We're there ..." "We are there" "Here, told you" "You did it" "You learned something." "Didn't you?" "You did beautiful." "You did beautiful." "I miss him so much ..." "I've been afraid of here before." "Yes, it seems likely." "I just didn't know it was fear." "I became afraid ... and I stopped writing." "What was different ... the last time?" "I heard a sound." "Nick?" "Nick!" "Nick!" "Nick!" "Nick!" "You didn't hear Nick screaming." "Apparently not." "And because you experienced something that you can't explain rationally," "You placed Eden very high on the pyramid chart." "Eden was the catalyst that triggered your fear." "You jumped to conclusions." "Entitled the emotional event with a place." "When you feel threat It's natural to react." "If the danger were real ..." "Your fear would save your life." "Because your adrenaline will be used for fight or flight." "But what you're experiencing is panic, nothing more." "The scream wasn't real" "Stop!" "Calm down." "You shouldn't have come here." "You're just so damn arrogant." "But this may not last." "Have you thought of that?" "Oak trees grow to be hundreds of years old" "They only have to produce one single tree, every hundred years." "In order to perpetuate ..." "May sound benign to you but ..." "It was a big thing for me to realize that when I was out here with Nick." "The acorns fell on the roof then too..." "Kept falling, and falling" "And dying ... and dying." "And I understood that ..." "Everything that used to be beautiful about Eden" "Was perhaps hideous" "Now I could hear what I couldn't hear before." "The cry of... all the things that are to die" "It's all... very touching" "If it was a children's book." "acorns don't cry" "You know that as well as I do." "That's what fear is." "Your thoughts distort reality." "Look the other way around ..." "Satan's Church" "Satan?" "..." "Jesus!" "Nature is Satan's Church." "What?" "Well, there you have him" "That was his brother." "Nick?" "He drifted away from me the last time." "He was always out and about..." "He might have made more of an effort to be there for me." "You look like you slept well." "Thanks, I did." "I just wanted to say how happy I am that you're here ..." "I love you darling..." "Did you have a good sleep?" "I've just been having a lot of ... crazy dreams ..." "Dreams are of no interest in modern psychology." "Freud is dead, isn't he?" "What are you doing?" "Look!" "I'm well again." "I'm cured." "See?" "perfect." "I'm fine." "You can't just be happy for me, can you?" "Chaos ... reigns" "Chapter Three:" "The despair" "I want to do one more excercise." "It's like a role play." "My role ..." "Is .." "All the thoughts that provoke your fear ..." "Yours ... is rational thinking." "I am nature ..." "All the things that you call nature." "Okay Mr.Nature" "what do you want?" "To hurt you as much as I can." "How?" "How do you think?" "By Frightening me?" "By killing you." "Nature can't hurt me." "You just told you're the green in the outside..." "No, I'm more than that." "I don't understand." "I'm outside, but also... within" "I'm nature of all human beings" "Oh, That kind of nature." "The kind of nature that..." "Causes people do the evil things against women" "That's exactly who I am." "That kind of nature interested me a lot." "When I was uphere" "That kind of nature was the subject to my thesis ..." "But you shouldn't underestimate Eden." "What did Eden do?" "I discovered somethng else in my material than I expected." "If human nature is evil..." "Then that goes as well..." "That the nature ... of the women." "Female nature." "The nature of all the sisters." "Women do not control their own bodies" "Nature does." "I have it in writing in my books." "The literature you used in your office search..." "Was about evil things committed against women." "But you read it as proof of the evil of women?" "You were supposed to be critical of those says That was your thesis" "Instead you're embracing it" "Do you know what you're saying?" "Forget it." "I do not know why I said it." "It can't work anymore now." "Hit me." "What?" "Hit me so it hurts ..." "No." "Hit me, please." "No!" "I can't stand it" "I do not want to" "I do not want to..." "Then you don't love me." "Okay" "Maybe I don't love you." "Yeah" "Again ..." "Again." "This is too from nature's spell ..." "Could start a hail storm ..." "I'm not gonna continue this if you don't listen to me." "Good... and evil." "Have nothing to do with therapy." "You know how many innocent women were killed in the sixteenth century alone just for being women?" "I'm sure you do..." "Many." "Not because they were evil..." "I know." "It's just sometimes I forget." "The evil you talk about is an obsession." "Obsessions never materialize." "It's a scientific fact." "Anxieties can't trick you into doing things you won't do otherwise..." "It's like hypnotizing you" "You can't be hypnotized into doin something you wouldn't..." "Normally do." "Something against your nature." "You understand me?" "Yeah, I think so." "You think so?" "You don't have to understand me, just trust me." "What's this?" "It's from the medical officer It's a copy of the autopsy report." "The autopsy?" "They performed an autopsy?" "I didn't wanna tell you, because you weren't feeling well." "Well" "What did they find?" "Nothing that would have any ... bearing on the case." "The only abnormality in the victim is a slight deformity of the bones in his feet, of an earlier date" "We did not attention a significance to this." "You were rather to put Nick's shoes on wrong in this picture?" "Well" "How I would?" "!" "A slip of the mind that day?" "I wish" "Herself." "Bastard." "You're leaving me, aren't you?" "get off me, bastard." "You're leaving me." "I'm not." "I'm helping you." " You're leaving me, aren't you?" " No!" " I love you." " I don't believe you!" "Yes" "I don't believe you!" "I don't fucking believe you!" "Where are you?" "You bastard!" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "You bastard!" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "How dare you leave me?" "You said you wanted to help me." "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "You bastard!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "You bastard!" "Get out!" "You bastard!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "You bastard!" "Get out!" "Sorry." "You gotta get this thing off... my leg" "I can't find the wrench." "Did you want to kill me?" "Not yet" "The three beggars aren't here yet." "The three beggars?" "What does that mean?" "When the three beggars arrive ..." "Someone must die." "I see." "The crying woman is a scheming woman." "False in legs False in thighs" "False in breasts Teeth, hair and eyes" "Hold me" "Hold me" "There is no such constellation." "None of it is any use" "Not good." "No!"