"Hi Kathy." "I'm reporting live from the conflict-ridden home of the Ötztürck-Schneiders." "Recently the crisis between the Turkish minister of tradition, Yagmur Ötztürck, and the commissioner for modern life, Lena Schneider, was resolved." "And yet... these two young, attractive women still live in different worlds." "For the last time, Lena:" "I'm not going swimming with you, because I don't undress in public!" "I'm Lena Schneider, reporting from the Islamist camp in Berlin." "Hey Yağmur..." "I prevented you from fleeing to Turkey." "Now be like a real sister and do something fun with me!" "How about playing chess?" "How about... definitely not?" "Why don't we go dancing?" "Disco?" "!" "Women in underwear dance to lousy pornographic music and let machos hit on them?" "!" "No thank you!" "Oh, baby..." "Oh, really?" "This is not your style of music?" "You..." "Me..." "Disco." "End of Discussion." "But going to the disco is immoral, it's forbidden!" "Where is that written in your Turkish Bible?" "Show me!" "Everywhere!" "It's part of the chastity commandment." "Looks like you won't have a subterfuge this time." "Even if I wanted to, I'm not allowed." "My dad has forbidden me to leave the house after 9pm." "Mmuuum!" "Hey my Bunnies." "Ah that's nice music." "Is it by the Beach Boys?" "It's by D12." "Can we go to the disco?" "What a question." "You can do anything if you believe in yourselves!" "See, I was... you allow that?" "!" "She allows everything." "It's her only strong point." "I'm a cool mother, Yagmur." "Forbidding things is out!" "But Metin has forbidden her to go." "And what my dad says is what counts!" "That was before he fell in love with me." "Metin!" "I mean, Doris, I'm not sure..." "Disco!" "We... we have rules and..." "Rules, Lena, did you hear that?" "Rules, little rules have the effect that you have to follow them... and don't think for yourself anymore." "And those who don't think have no worth, therefore everything's allowed!" "Yup, we're going to the disco and you can't say anything against it, because..." "MY mother has allowed us to go." "We live an an anti-authoritarian household." "They're too young for going to the disco!" "Children need space for development!" "If you clip their wings they become small and measly." "Mum, the pants you bought are far too big." "You'll grow into them." "Because your mother gives you so much space." "By all my love for your German liberality..." "I have to go to the cop shop..." "It's natural for Turkish men to worry..." "But you don't worry about your daughter living only for the Islam and that your son is a little macho, do you?" "I'll make breakfast... for myself." "But disco..." "It's great!" "D12 and so on..." "D12 and so on... is that a new synthetic party drug?" "!" "No, they're the new Beach Boys." "I'd wear the pink top." "Your breasts look small in this one." "Where did I get those from, hm?" "Can you please stop talking about your genitals!" "Can I borrow these?" "Sure." "Great!" "Another pair of pants going baggy..." "What are we going to do with you?" "Something like J.Lo?" "I did it again..." "Mum, that's Britney Spears." "No way!" "And in any case, Yagmur doesn't have the right figure for a disco outfit!" "Lovely!" "The little chicks are growing up." "Yagmur, that's smoking hot!" "Lena I told you to do something about your eyes." "You look like the singer of Tokio Hotel!" "Nils, bring me the camera!" "We definitely won't take photos now." "Why not?" "You haven't even put the photos from 1997 into the album!" "Oh, I'd so like to join you!" "No way." "Why not?" "We're friends!" "Next time, okay?" "Wait a second!" "What's that?" "Ecstasy?" "CS gas, in case someone bothers you." "You have to spray it directly into the eyes, Lena." "Yes, right." "Like with the guy who was... the postman!" "You're mother is totally out of it." "No way, that's modern parenting!" "Allah's schooling is the only good one." "Because you can't develop and always have to obey him and are never allowed to question anything!" "Where are you going?" "We're going clubbing." "You're going nowhere!" "I mean exactly that." "Just obey him, you slave..." "You can't tell me what to do!" "Fuck!" "As soon as the Germans move in, the level of respect is dropping." "I've never been out so late!" "Well, it's totally normal." "And now look more like you're 18!" "How old are you?" "Are you Turkish?" "Yes." "We're under 18!" "We're not allowed inside." "No Problem." "Today is kid's day." "No alcohol, no ecstasy, no sex on the toilets." "Come in." "Woah, what's that?" "It's the bass." "So we'll pretend that we're always here and casually walk towards the bar..." "There's no alcohol today!" "Want some?" "Hey!" "Fungirl No.1 to Fungirl No.2:" "The evening is saved!" "Daddy's home!" "Cem!" "Yagmur!" "Lena!" "Nils!" "Say hello!" "They're at the disco." "Hey." "It's already after 9!" "What kind of disco is it?" "Metin, you're such a mummy!" "No I'm not." "Every year, 200 kids disappear after a visit to the disco. 40 of those are later found dead." "And those who didn't go?" "Their soul dies." "Children grow up!" "It means we have to let go." "Oh Nille." "I hope you'll be a kid for a little longer." "You're a later bloomer anyway." "Right, Cutie?" "Hey, we can have fun without alcohol!" "We'll update your idea of fun to the western European standard." "Hey, she's usually the life of the party!" "Come on Yagmur, chug it!" "Ugh, it bites!" "You have to drink it so that you only taste it afterward." "Put your tongue up and down it goes!" "So that's called anti-authoritarian parenting?" "No, it's more auto-authoritarian." "Lena has developed an outstanding self-discipline." "Hey, Baby." "I wanted to see if my cellphone's on, in case they call." "You're overdoing it!" "Oh god, now something happened!" "Get the car, I'll get dressed!" "I only tested if my ring tone is loud enough." "Were you worried?" "No, I only dreamed." "I'm not such a mummy like you." "You're lying." "You were worried about them!" "Oh really?" "!" "Then watch this!" "Doris!" "Good that you..." "It's Doris." "Have fun and don't return before 4am, got it?" "And now I'll even turn my cellphone off." "I don't want my children to feel controlled by me." "I'll drive her home." "Leave her alone!" "Do me a favor, veiled owl." "Buy yourself an eco-tour ticket and make and Anatolian exit." "That's what I always say." "Haven't you learned how to treat women or what?" "!" "Hey, who's that?" "Cem, I knew you wouldn't trust us!" "Shut up!" "Have you two gone insane?" "!" "Leave my family alone!" "And tell your friends of the flavor of my fist!" "We're leaving." "Oh, wow!" "I'm not like those Germans..." "As if..." "Hey, got a little hangover?" "Why do I feel like I'm the central character in Charmed and something happened in the past which I can't remember?" "You're quite well-trained, huh?" "Not on my playstation!" "I remember my first time at the disco." "That was quite something." "All of us were dead drunk." "So that's everything you say to this?" "!" "That's the disadvantage when the family gets bigger." "The embarrassment exponentiates." "Oh no." "I slapped his ass!" "Are you happy now that you were the more sensible of us two?" "Those who laugh about others' misfortunes get pimples." "Old Muslim saying." "It's not your fault you were raised like this." "You want to preach to me now or what?" "!" "Look, Lena." "You always say Allah's rules are dumb." "But no one has ever used me as a phone book and..." "I never vomited in front of my mother's feet." "That's impossible anyway, you're mother is dead." "The Quran is strict, but it has rules that protect me." "What's your point?" "Is your mother... simply cool, or... doesn't she care what happens to you?" "And you really believe in that auto-authoritarian nonsense?" "Bunny No. 2, don't put the good cups into the dishwasher." "We have good cups?" "Anyway, I call it pedagogy and Lena will one day thank me for this." "Thank you very much." "It's your fault." "You said "I'm cool, come back whenever you want."" "Cucumber, I can't follow your argument." "She thinks that your Hippie parenting is bad for her!" "Yes, exactly." "Thanks, Yagmur." "No problem, we're working towards the same cause." "Now you're overdoing it." "I did teach you what reason and responsibility are." "You should've prevented me from getting into this crap!" "If you've made a mistake, draw your conclusions and it won't happen again." "It won't work." "I'm 16!" "There's no grown-up inside me yet!" "Then look closely." "If anyone here knows about teenage personality development that's me." "Discussion closed!" "I want rules." "You want rules?" "!" "Rules I can follow to avoid potential dead ends!" "Unfortunately your parenting leads nowhere and I don't want to become a junkie without a future." "I didn't study for 12 years to listen to this!" "I didn't give my all for 16 years just so that you could ask for rules now!" "Do you get it, Lena?" "Don't behave like this." "Not to me!" "She doesn't want to look after me?" "She doesn't care for me?" "!" "Then I'll get my rules elsewhere!" "Mother!" "Okay Kathy, which religion has the best rules?" "Islam?" "Too much head scarf." "Buddhism." "Too many fat golden men." "Scientology!" "Hm, the monthly membership is too expensive." "Judaism!" "The Jewish rules are still the best." "The candelabrum looks good, too." "And hey, there's a hat!" "Shalomy!" "This is a house of Allah!" "I'm sorry, calm down!" "It's only for my mother!" "I want my own room." "Otherwise I'll start to make blacks of dynamite!" "Metin, your daughter is antisemitic." "What's the reason for this nonsense?" "Provocation?" "I hope... that I'll be led out of Egypt into a land where milk and honey flow." "Because the milk is often expired in this land." "Other children... would be thankful for such a liberal mother as me." "Sometimes I don't know who's the teenager here." "So..." "Are we going to order something to eat?" "Doris!" "Get over your anti-authoritarian ideal!" "Otherwise we'll soon have the Gaza strip up there." "Lena, turn the electricity back on!" "It's the Sabbath." "You should rest and reflect upon the world!" "That sounds horrible!" "That's a nice Hebrew song, okay?" "Lena, that's Polish!" "10 rules for Lena:" "Clean your room, do the dishes..." "Ten rules?" "You're telling me what to do?" "Mum, today's the best day in my life!" "Thanks!" "I hate you for this." "And you'll also hate me!" "Let's see for how long she can stand my rules." "Get up." "Get up!" "What the..." "So now you're going to clean your room." "What?" "Breakfast is in 10 minutes!" "Hey, I told you to get up!" "Lena does the dishes." "And then you'll do your homework." "We have holidays." "I don't care." "You're in bed by 7pm." "Hey, you could clean my bike, too." "Listen to your brother!" "Okay." "She's not throwing a tantrum!" "This is what love feels like?" "Well, I read somewhere that German women often feel that their life is over after the birth of their children." "Hey, we're going out for a coffee, okay?" "I doubt it!" "You can't just leave the house." "You know what can happen!" "I'll be back soon, okay?" "That's not how you talk under this roof!" "You can make yourselves a decaf in the kitchen." "But use the plastic cups, in order not to hurt yourselves!" "Great." "Moses." "Then we'll talk about these crappy rules now and change them!" "Suddenly?" "No. 1 Clean your room." "Clean your own stuff first!" "No. 2 Do the dishes." "We're six people!" "No. 3 Don't leave the house after 6pm." "No comment." "Help your siblings clean?" "What siblings?" "No backtalk." "Why did you teach me to talk, then?" "You need space, right?" "Yeah..." "You know, when I said rules..." "I wanted something that would prove that you're not indifferent towards me." "But... you don't love me." "It's quite normal." "It's not that bad." "We live in modern times." "Come, we can go." "Yagmur, out!" "Lena, sit down." "What's up now?" "Sit down and shut up!" "Why do you think I don't love you?" "I've made a list for you, okay?" "It begins at summer 2004." "You let me fly to Ibiza with Kathy." "ALONE." "1995." "I teach myself to swim, because you said it would "strengthen my self-reliance"." "2005." "You catch me smoking a joint and say..." "What has that got to do with love?" "Gosh, you've never once worried about me!" "Lena, you're so... stupid!" "Do you know how much I worry about you?" "!" "And that's exactly why I allow so much." "That's completely illogical." "You're like a sister, not like a mother!" "Because..." "I want you to... be able to tell me the truth." "And because at some point normal mothers aren't needed anymore." "And..." "I don't want you to not need me anymore." "I want that we always love each other." "Is that so illogical?" "Oh, I never saw it like that." "Mum is okay the way she was..." "There are two new rules." "No alcohol until I'm 18." "That's sensible." "Yeah and the... second rule is also rather important." "Mum is okay the way she was." "Oh no, now she's turning it into a big thing again!" "And it was my... your impossible scrawl!" "It says "my fault"!" "The crash was my fault and I somehow made you responsible." "So I didn't do everything wrong." "Yeah..." "Can you please tell Metin that you like being independent?" "Mum, that's so embarrassing!" "Please say it." "Mum, I hate you." "I missed that sentence." "You were worried." "Why didn't you admit it?" "Want to go for a walk?" "You know what I think?" "You're scared of being a mummy!" "I'm not!" "Doris is a mummy, Doris is a mummy..." "You know, the question of whose parent is cooler has somehow become irrelevant." "I think we're both pretty badly off."