"£ Theme music" "Well, it's official that Nath's going to deaf school in three months and he's going to be gone for two years." "I was thinking we could have a massive farewell party in the backyard like the biggest party we've ever had." "Nathan!" "I was talking to Nathan about it." "If you could invite any guest in the world to your farewell party, who would you invite?" "He goes, 'The Legends - Blake, S.Mouse and Emily.'" "And at first - you were there - I was like, 'Get fucked.'" "'Cause I thought..." "I dunno." "It's a bit weird having people you don't know but it's the Legends." "Like, it'd actually be fuckin' cool." "Really fun having them there." "What about Emily Chase, man." "Reckon she's going to fit in?" "Yeah, she'd go to heaps of parties." "She'll be really fun, I reckon." "Oh, yeah." "Gonna be sick as, man." "S.Mouse is one of the top, man." "S.Mouse too." "Does a couple of raps." "Do some freestyle shit." "If Nathan has lost his hearing, we'll get him right up next to the speakers, so he fully feels it and that." "Fuck, Nath, you're going to go nuts, mate." "Nath, it's S.Mouse." "S.Mouse is performing at your party, man." "You're going to go fuckin' mental." "I reckon Blake Oakfield, right, so we'll go down to the dam, get him to do some surfing for us." "He is such a mad surfer." "Fuck, man." "Legendary." "Oh, yeah." "And Emily, mate, just like..." "whatever." "Just, fuck, whatever she wants to do." "If she wants to get with Nathan or something." "If she wants to get it on with me, fine, as gratitude for the invitation and that." "I'm up for that." "I'm getting my gran to help out with the invitations and that." "I think it sounds like a wonderful idea." "I'll get onto those managers and email them, then." "She's going to contact all the Legends, their managers and shit." "but, you know, really, it's a bit far-fetched." "Do you really think it's likely?" "I don't give a shit what you think." "I'm inviting them anyway." "Why don't we just have a family get together and we can have a few friends over?" "Friends over?" "Want to make it good." "Want to make it memorable." "Mate, do you really think all these celebrities are going to come to Dunt, do you?" "They're in Hollywood, mate." "Who asked you, dickhead?" "I'm fuckin' inviting them." "I don't give a shit what you two think." "We're a town of about 2,300 people." "Pretty popular tourist destination for a small town." "We're probably most famously known as being the home of surfing legend Blake Oakfield." "Blake is absolute legend." "In my book, you could not meet a nicer bloke." "he's won world titles in surfing, he's put the town on the map, he's got his surf school, looks after the young blokes, I couldn't speak highly enough of him." "(Horn toots)" "Wouldn't say he's my favourite person." "Bit of a smart aleck." "In love with himself." "He thinks he's, you know, this major hero in the local township and he's actually a dickhead." "Hey!" "Blakey boy!" "Him and his gang come into town, cause a lot of trouble amongst the locals." "I'm not a fan of him at all." "He's, uh..." "I reckon he's trouble." "Everyone pretty much got the wrong idea." "They didn't realise that we weren't violent, we were about protecting Narmucca Bay." "This is our home, we've been here for generations." "There's history, why would we not stand up for our rights?" "Like, yeah, I was world champ but I was also primarily a Mucca Mad Boy." "As a kid here, it was all-time good family environment." "We got to that age, year four, five, six at Narmucca West Primary when we first picked up boards and we were just mad for it." "All the boys from Narmucca Bay, we knew 'em." "If you were in Narmucca Bay, we knew ya." "Like if we were hanging down in the milk bar and stuff, you from Narmucca Bay, g'day." "You just didn't get along with the Fennel Heads guys." "It was just kinda how it was." "I guess, at the end of the day, we had shit surf conditions and our break was nowhere near as good as theirs." "The way we saw it, just because we came from Fennel Heads, you know, didn't mean that we couldn't surf Narmucca Bay." "Blake and his boys thought otherwise but that's just the way it was." "They were a bunch of dickheads from day one!" "Like I remember they'd come over the headland just with their boards." "Hey, Narmucca boys!" "Scrambling down onto our beach and just take over our waves." "We just told them to fuck off and then that's when I formed the Mucca Mad Boys." "It's a gang, it's a society of young surfers, just young blokes who wanted to surf their own waves." "With the motto being 'protect our bay'." "They ripped off our idea and they formed the Fennel Hell Men." "We'd have big fights and stuff." "Full fist fights of boys getting hammered and that." "And all the tourists and stuff, they'd get scared and they'd pack up their towels and shit and run away." "What they didn't realise is we were just protecting it from the Fennel Heads fuckwits." "We were making it a safer place for 'em." "The headland became the divider that defined the gangs." "So if you were a young guy and into surfing, you were either with the Fennel Hell Men or the Mucca Mad Boys." "Oi, mate!" "What you doing?" "It became more about the fighting rather than surfing and protecting the beach." "And, like, for a lot of young blokes in Narmucca Bay, if you wanted protection from the Fennel Heads guys, you needed to be part of the Mucca Mad Boys." "You needed to be in the gang." "Him and his gang would come into town, cause a lot of trouble amongst the locals, they've caused trouble at the bowling club." "So if they're around, people prefer to stay indoors just to stay out of their way." "'Play hard Mucc hard' is the motto and it means play hard, um, if you're going to surf, if you're going to party, if you're going to do anything - play it hard." "And Mucc" " Mucca - Narmucca, it's short for that," "Mucc hard, meaning Mucc hard." "This tat has a lot of value and if you try to copy it or you try to get something similar, then we'll beat the shit out of you." "There's the salute." "This represents the headland, the headland between the Fennel Heads and Narmucca Bay." "This is the bay, so you've got your bay there, this is where you would go surfing if you were in Narmucca Bay." "So you've got headland, headland." "Hang loose, represents surfing, across the heart, across the heart and make that firm at the end." "So you go, oi, oi, oi!" "Mucca, Mucca, Mucca!" "Oi, oi, oi!" "Yeah, then there's the secret neck greeting." "Like if you see another Narmucca bloke," "'Hey, how you going?" "'" "Down the street, you give them a bit of this." "Secret neck greeting, which is actually hang loose fingers around the neck, so do that." "The Mucca Mad Boys... to us, they're like a bunch of spoilt brats that never learnt to share their toys." "All we wanted to do was share the ocean with them." "We're keeping the Fennel Heads fuckwits out of here, out of our beach, out of our town." "Yeah, if it wasn't for us," "Narmucca Bay would be a really different place." "Go home." "You fuckin' serious right now?" "I'm fuckin' serious, motherfucker." "Go home to your own house." "Chill out." "Too bad, motherfucker." "You locked out." "You not coming back in." "You wanna come back in?" "Yeah!" "Got a task for you." "You gotta rap my biggest selling single." "Come on, y'all!" "Single, motherfucker." "£ Slap my elbow, slap my elbow... £ Yeah, motherfucker." "Listen, you got that wrong." "I said my biggest selling single, in Japan." "It's the Animal Zoo, motherfucker!" "Rap that shit." "When I first heard I was going to be incarcerated for two months at my parents' house, I thought that's going to be boring." "Going to get you a record deal for that." "Yeah?" "No, kidding you." "So I brought some shit from my mansion." "I got my Plasma, I got my DVDs," "I got my PS3, yeah." "High-speed wireless internet." "We got all the shit that you need to keep yourself entertained while you're on house arrest." "Yeah, this is some shit that my fans sent me, wishing me well while I'm doing my time on the inside." "They make these dolls of me." "There's a little mini S.Mouse there." "They knit shit." "I think this might be made by a retarded fan." "Possibly." "She was kinda fly, though." "Yeah, you can have that shit." "'I love S.Mouse.' Yeah, we know that, motherfucker." "'Good luck doing time, S.Mouse." "You're hot." "Love Ashley, 14 years old.'" "Well, you pretty hot too, babe." "What the fuck?" "We got a lot of bad press online still about me taking a dump on the hood of the police car." "But, you know, my label, JumpRock, the support me through this whole ordeal." "They almost glad I'm doing time, if you know what I'm saying." "Yeah, they're glad, 'cause it gives me a little bit of time to rest my vocal cords, know what I'm saying?" "My real fans, they're loving my ass still." "Yeah." "We got the paparazzi out the front there, waiting to take a photo of me every time I leave the house." "Really?" "Yeah." "I ain't seen nobody out there." "Well, you ain't looking hard enough, nigger." "They out there." "Must be camouflaged like a bitch." "Long lens." "They got the zoom lens." "Oh, OK." "Zoom right in." "They're 10km away and you not seeing them." "They a long way away, nigger." "Where the fuck you been?" "Hey, this is my Lesquisha, my girl." "Say hey." "Me and S.Mouse is somewhat of a relationship of convenience." "I mean, I love him but I don't really LOVE him, you know?" "Yeah." "It's whatever." "I gotta agree with that." "We make love but we ain't in love, if you know what I'm saying." "I gotta say, this girl ain't..." "I wouldn't say a slut but she gets around a bit." "We have..." "This dude is a joke." "Well, why you with me right now?" "Why are you with me?" "Why you sitting in my house?" "Why'd you text me this afternoon and say, 'I'm gonna see you in ten minutes, babe." "I can't wait for tonight!" "'" "You lying to him if you tell him you didn't send a text, that you said you wanna come here because you love my ass." "You love me." "That's it." "The great thing about Lesquisha and the thing I love about her is we can talk like this to each other, the way we vibing together, we can cuss at each other," "I can say, 'You're a fuckin' bitch!" "'" "And she say more shit back to me and we're OK." "We have big fights and, you know, the best thing about the fights is, after the fights, we get it on." "He says I'm a bitch, I say you can suck a dick." "Yeah." "So you reckon they have seating on that side." "Have them sitting over there or something?" "Have a VIP section." "Nath!" "NATHAN!" "This is what we're thinking, mate." "For Blake Oakfield surf demo, right." "We build a surf stadium down on the dam, right, and he's got a run-up here, so he can do a full surf demo for us." "What you reckon, Nath?" "Nod if you like it." "You happy?" "Yeah." "Daniel, did Steve mention to you about the bricklayers apprenticeship that's coming up at his work next year?" "No." "Well, it could be a good idea." "I'll be working on the farm anyway, I'm not going to need jobs." "Think it'd be good for you to work." "Not a fuckin' bricklayer!" "Anyway, can you clean up that stuff when you're finished?" "Yes!" "Now, Nath, S.Mouse, right." "We're thinking of having a stage out the back." "The shed." "And have massive speakers, like, how high do you wanna go with them?" "Pretty big, man." "Really fuckin' loud." "Nathan!" "Best thing, we're thinking of calling the whole night" "Nathan's Legendary Farewell Party." "Yeah." "'Cause it's legendary 'cause all the Legends are coming." "What you reckon, Nath?" "Good?" "You like it?" "Happy?" "Yep." "Heaps of planning to do, mate." "We should go." "You should talk to Lachie's dad about getting some of his woodwork shit." "All right, listen up." "Y'all gotta listen to some new tracks here." "JumpRock sent through some new shit for my new album." "Demo CD." "£ R'n'B" "£ It's that gingerbread Gingerbread, gingerbread S.Mouse. £" "What the fuck?" "What the fuck is that shit?" "What the fuck?" "That is gay off the hook." "That is shit." "Yeah, that shit's bullshit, bro." "Turn that shit off." "Get that shit outta my face." "If you release more of that shit," "I'm gonna dump your ass." "Larry, gay - try again." "Need to listen to the man, he's been good to you." "What the fuck?" "Don't 'what the fuck' me." "Listen to your manager." "Let him make decisions about your career." "Don't know shit." "That man is the reason I get dissed in the industry." "He chooses kids tracks for me." "You want to be a God-damn loser all your fuckin' life?" "You got a monotone on your fuckin' ankle!" "You got a criminal record!" "I know about my career." "You can't be too choosy!" "My career tells me that I need to do my own music not this shit." "Don't need no songwriters." "Bitch." "I don't need no motherfuckin' JumpRock demo CD." "Throw that shit out, nigger." "Mother, gingerbread fuckin' S.Mouse, what the fuck is that anyway?" "We were about 23, 24, and life was pretty good." "We just wanted to have a fun night with the boys, see in the new year." "But what happened that night sort of changed Blake's life forever." "Well, initially, the Fennel Heads blokes had stormed into the bar, as you can see, through that front door there, and there's probably 15, nah," "20-30 of the Fennel Heads guys." "Packo in amongst them." "He's all, like, shitty and pissed off 'cause he reckons I'd done something which I, to this day, don't even remember doing." "I pashed that chick..." "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, I don't think I did." "We're out the front of the pub, right, we'd pushed those blokes out." "The brawl's happening here, right." "There's full fist fighting and shit." "Some of the Fennel Heads blokes had brought bats with them." "They had bats." "As I'm trying to keep out of it, 'cause I know that Packo is after me, right, so I'm trying to back off, be a bit protected." "All of a sudden, a gun goes off." "I'm fuckin' shocked just from hearing a gun." "You know what I mean?" "You hear a gun, you're like, 'Fuck!" "'" "Then I felt this weird thing, 'cause I could feel it at first." "Looked down, saw blood on my shorts, and that's when I knew I'd been shot in the balls." "Went to hospital and the doctor said my balls were so shattered by the bullet that he had no choice but to amputate." "You couldn't recognise them." "They reckon, like, at the time, 'cause the bullet hit here, right, then it went through my legs and they reckon they found it near a tree on the other side but it had, you know, done the damage." "They reckon my dick shaft was swinging over to one side at the time and that's why it didn't get it." "Saved him." "I do have no balls after that incident." "I mean they stitched it up and my sack's just this... there's something left but it's nothing, there's no balls in there." "When I got out, I guess I wanted to get back into surfing after I'd recovered and... it felt different." "Like, I knew that everyone knew I had no balls and that's... not that that made me, like, embarrassed or anything but it kind of changed things a little bit." "Remember I had this comp down at Bells Beach and this weird thing happened, I was out surfing and I got wiped out and when I was under the water, I felt this snap on my legs, this really tight squeeze" "and what had happened was a dolphin had bitten my leg, like really hardcore bite." "It doesn't happen that often." "Never happens." "Never happens." "When it happens, it's fuckin' gnarly, let me tell you." "Having lived through it, fuckin' kills." "But, basically, I came out of the water and it just hit me - surfing doesn't feel right anymore." "It didn't feel right." "And I basically gave up surfing that day." "And I haven't surfed since." "Cut that shit, quick, at the end there, see what I'm saying?" "I'm not going to get told what to do, you know." "I'm gonna write my own shit." "You know what I've been doing?" "I've been writing a track." "Yeah, we put together a track today, a new song, it's my own shit, my original music." "Better than the shit that Larry sent me." "This song is about a young boy - that's the theme of the song - and he been very confused, you know what I'm saying." "It's a psychological song 'cause he likes the older ladies, and I'm not talking 40, I'm talking real old." "£ Grandmother-fucker He's a grandmother-fucker" "£ He likes to fuck the grandmas £ Uh-huh" "£ When he was just 11... £" "This is our music video." "See that lady there?" "That's my actual grandma." "Yeah, she gonna love that shit." "£ ..his dick He wanted that lady" "£ Grandmother-fucker Grandmother-fucker... £" "Fans, they want that shit." "They gonna eat that shit up." "I know, bro, but you gotta remember JumpRock's gonna fuckin' flip out and you know it." "Fuck JumpRock." "They can eat a dick." "I'm too big for them." "Larry's gonna go fuckin' insane, though." "Fuck Larry!" "I don't give a shit what he thinks." "Who gives a fuck about Larry." "Just upload it." "You upload that shit, put it on my site." "Get it out to the fans." "It's what they want." "Alright." "Alright." "Yey!" "Yeah, uploaded!" "You're a crazy motherfucker." "I don't care." "You gotta be crazy sometimes, you know what I'm saying?" "Talia?" "Can you go get your stuff, please?" "I was separated with my two kids when I first got together with Blake." "He was actually at his lowest of his low point when we got together, given up surfing after the dolphin bite." "Made a lot of money out of surfing but he had lost most of it, gambling and bailing out his gang mates." "It was around about that time that he stacked on a heap of weight." "He just used to sit around all day eating junk food." "I got a bit porky." "I'd been dumped by Billabong." "No more pay cheques coming in." "They got the shits with me once I stopped competing." "Had my mates but without surfing in my life," "I didn't really have much else and, yeah, Kareena and the kids came along, pretty much changed everything." "Alright, careful of Mum!" "She's in a fragile condition." "We got a new one due." "Show 'em your new stomach there." "New one due soon here." "Yeah, had to get a sperm donor in for that one 'cause I've got no nuts." "You don't have nuts!" "Jake..." "Don't tell 'em my secrets, eh!" "Nah, it's all good." "Life's pretty good at the moment." "The Mucca Mad Boys tend to chill out at my place a fair bit." "This is the games area underneath the house, chill on hammocks and stuff." "Say g'day, guys." "Got ping pong if you're into ping pong." "This is the club house here where we just chill again." "Heaps of stuff to do." "G'day, Simo." "Hey, Blakey." "Got my 2:30 injections." "Gotta, uh, do my hormones twice a day actually." "Testosterone 'cause I got no balls." "You can get artificial balls." "I sort of looked into it, did a bit of research." "You can get these artificial ones." "Kareena's pretty keen for me to get them." "Just this twice a day." "One of the good things about having no balls is you can get kicked in the nuts and it doesn't even hurt!" "Didn't hut." "Do it again." "Didn't hurt." "Can't feel a thing." "Can't feel it." "Do it again." "Didn't hurt." "Didn't hurt." "Hard as you want." "Do it." "Do it really hard." "Harder - oh!" "Didn't hurt." "Didn't hurt." "They specifically told you not to put shit on the internet!" "What you going to do when Larry calls you?" "You know he's going to be pissed off at you writing these dirty-ass songs again." "These are the people that work for you!" "You know how many hits online I got with that song?" "That thing's gone off the hook on the internet." "Don't give a fuck how many songs and hits it has!" "You can't always do what you're told." "Great artists like me, they do shit they not told to do." "You dressed up like an old woman, you put a picture of your own grandmother on the fuckin' internet!" "Shut up and mind your own business." "Yeah, listen to her." "Who is this bitch?" "Mind my own business?" "This is my motherfuckin' son!" "Who the fuck are you?" "You act like you're fuckin' 15." "Why don't you grow up?" "I got money, motherfucker." "I can take lawyers out on you." "If you try to kick my ass, you know what's gonna happen." "You're gonna end up in gaol." "Think I give a fuck..." "Look, motherfucker, I brought you into this world!" "I'll take you out!" "Listen, Dad." "One question." "How many multi-platinum singles you got?" "I'm not playing this game with you." "Answer my question!" "None!" "None!" "None!" "How many I got?" "One more than you, motherfucker." "So eat a dick, keep out of my business," "I'm not your kid anymore!" "I've flown the coop." "Blake's been offered this unbelievable opportunity to return to surfing." "It's called the Billabong Legends Of Surfing World Tour, and he said no." "Can you not put your arse on my belly?" "Reckons he doesn't want to surf again." "People say Blake's dumb." "Knee up." "They're always saying to me how dumb he is for giving up surfing but I reckon he's borderline genius." "Blake's not scared to go back to surfing." "The guy's not scared of anything." "He's got the biggest balls of anyone I know." "Not actual balls but..." "you know what I mean." "Nah, my life's not about surfing anymore." "It's just not where I'm at at the moment." "I've got too much to do with the gang and that." "The Mucca Mad Boys takes up a fair bit of time." "Our presence around town is pretty important." "You know, the life guards appreciate us, just keeping an eye on the beach and that." "How's it all going?" "Oh, God, I love him to death." "But he's thrown away heaps of opportunities and he's got real family responsibilities now." "I just feel like he needs to adjust his priorities a little bit." "Hardest." "Didn't feel it." "He spends a lot of time hanging out with his gang mates." "He's not 15 anymore." "I think, in life, you're pretty much nothing without your mates." "And I know it's not the '80s anymore and heaps of the founding blokes have moved on and that but I think the legend of the Mucca Mad Boys still lives on, it's still very much alive today." "Ready boys?" "And I wanna make it my mission to carry that legacy on into a new generation and to keep the Fennel Heads fuckwits out of Narmucca Bay for ever." "Mucca, Mucca, Mucca!" "ALL:" "Oi, oi, oi!" "Yeah." "Yeah, I get it." "If you're a rap artist or you any kind of artist, you gotta be true to yourself." "You gotta make yourself proud." "OK, bye." "I got dumped." "(Sighs) You dumb motherfucker." "I told you!" "They gotta give you another chance, though." "They said they got a lot of complaints from grandmas about my video, a lot of complaints from a lot of people." "They don't think I'm a viable artist for their label no more." "You've gone and fucked up your life again, man." "Well done." "Good job!" "When you have a talent as big as mine, a lot of niggers, they don't understand you and you can feel alienated." "What you gonna do, yo?" "Don't know." "Yo, we could do a video apology, man." "Gonna apologise to your grandmother, that's for God-damned sure!" "S.Mouse, if you don't get another record deal," "I'm not gonna stick around." "What the fuck?" "Hope you know that." "You think that's the thing to tell me right now?" "Thank you, Lesquisha." "You can't be boxed in to what they want you to be." "You hear me?" "You gotta stand up for yourself." "You gotta do what you believe in." "I got dumped from my label today, but that don't mean shit, motherfuckers." "To all my fans out there, watch this space." "Watch this space, niggers." "Yeah." "Go forward." "Keep coming!" "We haven't heard any word yet." "Gran sent out all the invites to the managers and shit of all the Legends." "Fuck." "So, hopefully, we'll hear soon." "Oh, fuck." "Dude, you're bogged." "We went down to the dam and cleared out some trees and bushes and shit just to make sure the blokes got a good run-up when he hits the dam." "Daniel!" "Daniel, Steve's coming!" "Nath's pumped." "He's pretty happy so far with what I've come up with." "Daniel!" "I thought I told you not to use that in the paddocks." "Your mum's getting dinner on." "Some bloke rang from a modelling agency." "He said, 'Thanks for the invite, but Emily someone won't be coming to your party.'" "Bullshit." "You serious?" "Ask your mum about it." "Emily Chase?" "Your grandmother must've given them our number." "Yeah, looks like your party really is happening." "And, as I predicted, celebrities aren't going to want to come here." "Fuck, man." "Now you're going to have to invite another one 'cause there was three wishes, wasn't there?" "Yeah." "Fuck, can't believe she got the invitation, but." "I know, ay!" "Good on your gran." "She got it out." "It's really happening, though." "Let's try un-bog this shit, man." "I'm hungry." "Closed Captions by CSI" "Initiation's a pretty big deal." "A way of separating the boys from the men." "Tie that to your ball sack." "We had the shark sighting a couple of weeks ago." "That's Packo's handwriting too." "Get on the wall, boys." "Got any more piss left, piss." "Don't know why we're getting the blame for your graffiti issues." "Want us to come beat the shit out of you?" "'Cause we will." "King of skateboarding today." "I'm his mother and manager." "There's other boys your age much better than you." "I started to notice that he was gay." "He's gay." "(Speaks Japanese)" "I'm not really gay but Mum was so keen on the whole gay angle." "Skateboarding gay style." "Skateboarding gay style!" "ALL:" "Skateboarding gay style!" "Skate stats - porn." "Nathan's school work - porn." "He wanks, like, four times a day." "Oh!" "Don't know how his dick lasts the day." "Oi!" "Stop it!" "I even caught him looking at Mum in the shower." "With your brain and my brain together, we would be the ultimate dude." "Where you keep your gay porno magazine?" "Nathan!" "What are you doing?"