"[cell door slams] [theme song playing]" "[cell door slams]" "[cell door slams]" "All right, so you got your visiting room over here, which is where your mommy or daddy will come and visit you." "You gotta put their names on the list." "This area, down here, out of bounds, okay, guys, until you get assigned down here..." "Ooh!" "They must've locked you up for your own good." "Hey, don't be afraid, little girl." "Daddy can protect you from the criminal element." "All right, Boo, keep it in your pants, okay?" " [laughter] - [kissing sounds]" "Come on." "Forget about them." "Oh, my God." "Oh, shit, she is risen!" " [water running] - [man speaking indistinctly on PA]" "Shit." "[sighs]" "Shit." "[sighs]" "[Vee singing]" "[Vee humming]" "[singing]" "[humming continues]" "Oh, shit!" "Five, four, three, two, one, go!" "Man, I don't know who the fuck this is." "Pass." " Uh!" "No passing." " But I don't know..." "Man, time's running out!" "Say, like, "it sounds like," or something." "Uh, all right, rhymes with Bleve Blerwin." "Man, she's cheating!" "You can't do no "rhymes with"!" "What the fuck I was supposed to do?" "Stupid ass people ain't nobody ever heard of." " Time!" " [growling] I know!" "[laughing]" "Man, Steve Irwin." "The Crocodile Hunter?" "Rest in peace, B-T-dubs." "All right, my turn!" "Ready, P?" "Whoo!" "We got this. [Laughs]" "And... three, two, one, go!" " Uh, crazy dude who believes in aliens?" " Tom Cruise." "[Taystee] Yes, ma'am." "Okay, okay." "Um..." " Basketball." "Uh, nerd glasses." " LeBron." " Other one." " D-Wade." " [Taystee] Yes, ma'am." " Man, what the fuck?" "Yo, chick whose husband died real young." " The white Michelle Williams!" " Yes, yes." "Time!" "You're outta time!" " [Poussey whooping] - [indistinct shouting]" "Uh-uh, now, see, as long as y'all two playing, I quit." "Yo, yo, ain't our fault you ain't current on your Us Weekly." " Stars, they're just like us, Mackenzie!" " [both laughing] [laughs]" "Yo, you think I could try?" "Man, how many times I got to tell you we need you on clock duty?" "And I like clock duty." "Yeah, watching the clock and [sniffs] smelling the clock." "But, you know, I was thinking, with my dramatic skills, I could play..." "Yo, son, you straight up lost your mind last time." "All hitting yourself in the head and shit." "Yeah, we still can't play Jenga 'cause of you." "Yo, well, look, thing is, we already got a even number." "[Black Cindy] Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm." "Mmm-mmm." " So, come on, J, you up." " Clock duty." " [Black Cindy] All right, come on, J. - [Poussey] Okay." "[man speaking indistinctly on PA] [clears throat] And... five, four, three, two, one." "Blastoff!" "I dressed myself, Mama!" "[chuckles]" "She's so pretty." "Isn't she?" "She looks like you and Daddy." "Mommy and Daddy made her, honey." "She's our miracle." "Can I hold the miracle?" "Here, sit back right here." "Now, just be extra careful." "Make sure to support her head." "What's she called?" "Grace." "Hello, Grace." "I'm your best friend and your big sister, Suzanne." "Just me and you." "You and me." "You and I." "[Dennis] Okay, honey, that's enough for now." "She's had quite a journey today." "You can hold her again later." "No!" "She's my baby!" "You give her back!" "You told me she was mine!" "She's mine!" "Give her back!" "Give her back!" "Suzanne, stop it, be a big girl." " [young Crazy Eyes screaming] - [Pat] Do something." " [Dennis] But I have the baby!" " [Pat] Give her to me." "[young Crazy Eyes] No!" "No!" "No!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "It's pretty exciting being a big sister, isn't it?" "You know, I couldn't wait to meet my little brother when he was born." "But you know what?" "That kid cried for a whole year." "[laughs]" "I even asked my mommy if she could put him back in her tummy." "[both laughing]" "Hey, would you like me to fix your hair up?" "It seems you should have a fancy do to go with that fancy outfit." "Ooh!" "I love, love your wings." "Thank you, pink's my favorite color." "[gasps] Oh, I can see that." "Nice." "All right, there, Chapman." "Well, looks like it's your lucky day, hun." "Oh." "[kissing]" "[Piper] Ah!" "[Anita] Come on." "It's like family." "Oh, I never thought I'd be so happy to be back here." "[Anita] Blondie!" "I thought they'd shipped you away for good." "I heard you gave what's-her-boobs a pretty good [mimics punches landing] beatdown." "Didn't know you had it in you." "You beat someone up?" "[laughs]" "Yes, I did." " What's your name again, hun?" " Soso." "[laughs]" "No, no, no, I said what's your name?" "Yeah, that's my name." "Brook Soso." "Oh." "Um, funny story, my parents named me Brook after Brooke Shields, the actress." "Um, but except without the "e,"" "'cause they thought it would be a bit more original." "But sometime around my 10th birthday, they started saying I was named after a brook instead." "[chuckles]" "Um, like the babbling kind." "That's funny." "Proving once again, you can either be pretty or smart." "Yeah, chemo makes her cranky." "Why don't you take the bunk above Chapman, okay?" "Oh, I got something for you." "We got a toothbrush... and soap." "I don't normally bend the rules like this, but you don't look full..." "Asia." "Well, thank you." " Seriously, for everything." " Bah!" "This is not how I imagined prison to be at all." " [man speaking indistinctly on PA]" " Hey." "[whispering] What happened to her?" "[Lorna] Oh!" "Well, she got burned." "Anyway, I got a van run in a couple of minutes." "Rosa, I will see you tomorrow for your appointment." "Oh!" "I almost forgot." "[singsong voice] Chapman, brushy brush and soapy soap." "We didn't know if you were coming back." "[Piper] Yeah." "Me, either." "You have another one of those?" "Oh." "I'm real sorry, hun, I don't." "One of the black girls didn't come round when you got in?" "[clicks tongue] That's a shame." "Leanne, I feel free as a bird." "No, like, not even a bird, like a snake!" "More like a snake." "Like an anaconda." "Like, I had to, like, shed that scaly skin 'cause it just didn't suit me anymore, you know?" "Why are you talking like one of those puppets with a hand up its butt?" "[chuckles] [scoffs] I'm not." "I'm just smiling." "See?" "I don't care what you say, they did something funny to you up in that hospital." "Exactly!" "[Chuckles]" "What do you think is different about me?" "How do I look?" "I don't know, you're acting a little, like, retarded." "I'm not retarded, I got new teeth!" "Oh." "[mockingly] "Oh."" "You're jealous." "[scoffs] No." "Are you jealous that I'm kind of pretty now and you're not?" "Mama says pretty's for flowers and movie stars, 'cause neither one's got a brain." "So, what are you saying?" "I'm not smart?" "Well, I'm saying..." "I'm saying you're acting like you're better than us, and we don't like it." "Okay... [chuckles]" "You know what, Leanne, maybe you are onto something, all right?" "Maybe I am tired of being down here, folding y'all's dirty panties, all right?" "You wanna know the goddamn truth?" "Maybe I wanna aim higher... [hissing] for myself." "[woman speaking indistinctly on PA] [scoffs]" "Yeah, you do that, Tucky." "You aim as high as the ceilings in here." "You might even be able to lick all the boogers people have flicked up there." "[Crazy Eyes mimicking water dripping]" "[gagging] [coughs and blows raspberry]" "Ah!" "[Clicking tongue]" "Do you have anywhere else to be?" "Anywhere?" "Nope!" "Exactly nowhere to be." "Then I'll find somewhere else to be because you are annoying as shit." "I was adopted, you know." "Good for you." "I wasn't." "[Vee] Weren't you?" "No." "I'm sorry to hear you feel that way." "You're not even supposed to be in here." "I got my ways." "[Crazy Eyes] There's so much blood rushing' to my head," "I'm starting to feel like a tick!" "You know how they bite a deer and then it's like... [tearing]" "[Vee] Don't interrupt." "[man speaking indistinctly on PA]" "Taystee..." "I had to go into hiding." "I needed you when I was out... and you was nowhere to be found." "Couldn't even be bothered enough to leave a note or nothing." "Baby, that wasn't personal." "[chuckles]" "I had every cop above 125th Street looking for me." "I couldn't tell anybody where I was." "It was too risky." "'Course not." "'Cause you ain't too good at risky when it comes to yourself." "Where I come from, we call that "chicken shit."" "I had my reasons." "You know, I'm feeling like I already gave you too much of my time." "And I don't need your explaining, and I don't need you... especially in here." "Ooh!" "Thanks for being patient, letting me finish." "Taystee mad at you?" "Seems that way." "[Crazy Eyes] Don't take it personal." "I try not to." "Now, I know what you gonna say." ""But Suzanne, my heart hurts!"" "And I hear you, I do." "A lot." "But you gotta put your head down, keep on buffing those floors." "Clockwise... and counter-clockwise." "[chuckles]" "'Cause sometimes people just don't wanna play with you, and that's okay." "You work on the maintenance crew?" "I do." "I do." "Um..." "My specialty is buffing, though. [chuckles]" "That's an impressive skill." "[laughs]" "Thank you, thank you." "And, uh... by the way, who are you?" "I'm Vee." "[laughs]" "It's nice to meet you, Suzanne." "[Bell] Hey... you in orange." "You're out of bounds." "Don't let me see you in here till you're wearing beige." " [mouthing] - [man speaking indistinctly on PA]" "Remember, only one piece of cake." "And, Suzanne, don't forget to wear your night guard!" "[rings doorbell]" "Hi, Grace!" "The girls are in the game room." "They're just getting ready to watch a movie." "Why don't you girls go on down and join the party?" " Have a great time." " [Grace] Bye." "Mom!" "I hope you don't mind." "We just feel it's important for Suzanne to have the same social development as Grace." "I don't think it's appropriate for Suzanne to be here." "Fine." "Let's cut the bullshit, then, is this because she's black?" "She's 10 years old and it's a birthday party for 6-year-olds." "You know which kids suffer in this world, Melanie?" "The ones who are told they're different." "The ones who aren't given the opportunity to succeed alongside every other kid their age." "And I'll be damned if I label my child "less than"" "so that the rest of the world can put her in a box and dismiss her before she's had a chance to succeed in life." "I'm sure she'll have a great time tonight." "[sighs] [indistinct conversations]" "[Bennett whistles] [whispering] Daya." "Oh, hey." "No, just stay there." "You..." "Can you hear me okay?" "Yeah, I can hear you." "I couldn't find you." "I didn't think you came here." "What, are you saying I don't read?" "What?" "No, of course not." "I was just saying that I didn't..." "This isn't one of your typical..." "I'm sorry, it's the hormones." "I'm real sensitive right now." "It's okay." "So, um, how's your day?" "Well, it's fine." "I had some special enchiladas for lunch." "That was good." "Mmm?" "Yeah." "How are you?" "Uh, tired, stayed up real late last night watching the game." "What you reading there?" "They got pregnancy magazines and stuff in here." "Look, this whole article is on folic acid." "That sounds dangerous." "[imitates sizzling and laughs]" "No, it's actually good for the baby and shit." "It says we have better chances of not having a retarded kid if I take it." "[sighs]" "Daya..." "Daya, you don't need to worry about stuff like that." "Look... my mom didn't take vitamins or whatever, and I think it's safe to say that yours didn't, either." " What's that supposed to mean?" " Nothing." "No, I just meant..." "Never mind." " I wanna be better than my mom." " I know..." "I want this baby to have everything." "I'm gonna tell them that I'm pregnant." "What?" "Daya, you can't do that." "What if there's something wrong with the baby, John?" "Daya, we have been over this." "Half of the girls know anyway." "I don't get..." "But not the administration." "So what?" "I can't..." "Looking to edumacate yourself there, Bennett?" "Yeah." "Yeah, totally." "Seventy-three hundred." "Careful, no one likes a, uh, well-read beefcake." " [chuckles] - [panting]" "I want to look fierce." "Fierce?" "[Snarls] Fierce." "Second one." "[Sophia] Tired of throwing them pity parties for yourself, huh?" "I don't do pity." "Honey, those roots are saying otherwise." "Dmitri coming to visit this weekend?" "No." " Somebody inside?" " Don't be ridiculous." "If it ain't sex, what's got you crawling out of that gutter of bad hair?" "Ever look at yourself and realize how other people must see you?" "You caught the whole used-to-be-a-man thing, right?" "A woman I knew a long time ago came back in yesterday." "Oh!" "So you wanna impress her?" "More like intimidate her." "[imitates Red] "Don't fuck with me."" "[laughs] [in normal voice] I got just the color for that." "And then these." "[snarls]" "I'm sorry, Franny, your reception's not so good." "It sounded like you said that Christopher's getting married." "He's gettin' married?" "Why would he?" "He's movin' to Albany?" "I don't..." "But..." "Oh, my God." "It's her." "He's movin' into her house." "But that's less than an hour from here." "He's tryin' to rub it in my face!" "[choked gasp]" "I will fuckin' strangle that fuckin' cooze." "[breathing heavily]" "I know, I know." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, Franny." "No, no, I'm sorry." "I'm tryin', I'm tryin'." "I really am." "Uh-huh." "Now, honey, real quick, just before I go, why don't you tell me when is it?" "[voice breaking] I can find a fuckin' newspaper if I want to." "Just tell me when it is. [Sobbing]" "I'm your sister, for cryin' out loud." "My poor baby, he's so confused." "He doesn't realize she's a whore." "You don't go Jessica Simpson when you got Rihanna." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes, I know that Rihanna is black, thank you." "But..." "I know that, too." "Okay." "All right." "Yes." "Yes, I understand." "I'll be a good girl." "Okay." "I love you." "I love you, too." "Okay, bye." "[inhales sharply] [strangled] God!" "[choked gasp] [breathing heavily]" "Everything okay?" "I'm great!" "[sighs]" "Hey, Andrew?" "Hey, Larry." " Of course." " Yeah, yeah, thanks for meeting me." "Oh, yeah." "Uh, so, like I said in my email, loved your NPR piece." "Oh, well, thanks. [Chuckles]" "Well, um, I read City Post religiously." "I was really excited to get your email." "I'm hoping you can put me in touch with Piper." "Oh." "Uh..." "Wait, what?" "Why?" "[Clears throat]" "I'm doing a story on Litchfield." "She's my way in." "What's your angle?" "Fraud, embezzling." "They filed plans for a gym that supposedly broke ground two years ago." "We're talking 6,000 square feet." "Hard to hide, right?" "But when you look on Google Earth, no new structures." " Holy shit." " Yeah, man." "I just need someone in there who can help corroborate and maybe, you know, sniff around for me." "Well, uh... you know, I'm, uh..." "I'm pretty deep into, uh... journalism with the prison story." "Um, you know, and it's not just Piper." "I mean, her counselor and I?" "We talk regularly, so, yeah, I mean, I'd be a really great asset." "Great." "[indistinct conversations]" "You tell Denise I don't care what her mother heard on The Today Show." "I got nothing here gluten-free." "So if she dies from a gluten overdose or whatever, then who am I to stand in the way of fate?" "Prison is gluten." "Don't commit the crime if you can't fuckin' have flour, got it?" "[exclaims in Spanish] Here, I'll tell her myself." "Hey, you gettin' any more greens up in here?" "Yo, I miss that creamed corn, man." " Word!" " Yeah." "Yeah, well, I'd give my left tit for a piña colada and a smoke, but you don't see that on the menu, right?" "[both laugh]" "Mmm." "[Poussey] Piña colada do sound good, though." "[laughter] [man speaking indistinctly on PA]" "All right." "So you and me, we're, like, snatch sisters now, right?" "Can we not talk about my ex-girlfriend's vagina?" "I hate to be a stickler here, but isn't it more like ex-girlfriend-mistress-life-ruiner?" "[Piper] Is everybody..." "Is everybody staring at me right now?" "Because I really feel like everyone's staring at me." "It's great to see you evolving, Chapman." "And getting past the whole" ""I'm the star of my own movie and everyone else's, too" complex." "Do I do that?" "[chuckles]" "You know, you really hurt her." "I don't wanna talk about that." "She came running to me like an injured lamb." "Yes, a lamb with great, sexy glasses and giant pillowy tits inside of my mouth." "Alex Vause was never a lamb." "She is the wolf that eats the lamb." "[chuckles] You can't blame the wolf." "Lamb's delicious, that's smart eating." "Watch yourself, Chapman." "Oh, I can't believe she got out." "System's fucked. [Laughs]" "They got your number now, honey." "What are you looking at?" "I knew them bitches was lying when they said you left here looking like Omar from The Wire." "[clicks tongue]" "See, I told you everybody's talking about me." "Relax, Omar." "[chuckles] Oh." "What, you gonna beat the shit out of me now, too?" "Just tell me the safe word." "I missed you." "Yeah, I missed you, too." "You okay?" "Fine, fine." "Just a little antsy lately." "Oh, not me." "This place is a spa compared to where I've been for the past few weeks." "I thought the water tasted like cucumbers." "Man, it sounds like it was a fucking nightmare." "I spent a lot of time wondering if it would matter if I died." "In the macro sense, no." "You're one Cheerio in the bulk box of life, but... you fuckin' tickle me, so I think it would matter." "[woman speaking indistinctly on PA]" "Cindy, right?" "Depends." "I'm told you work in the warehouse." "Nah, got a real sweet gig as a Rockette right now." "[laughs]" "Would you be willing to do an errand for me?" "Mmm!" "Well, ain't you real polite, using your white folks' words to get free work." "I have something hidden in one of the electrical sockets behind where they stack the broken down boxes." "I'd be very grateful if you could retrieve it for me." "[laughs]" "Bitch... if grateful paid the bills, we'd all be Bill Gates." "Know what I'm sayin'?" "[sighs]" "Missed a spot, right there." " [children laughing] - [girl] Here." "Suzie, you want the Chipmunks or the Muppet Babies sleeping bag this time?" " Get out of here, I'm changing." " So?" "I'm starting to become a woman, and Mom says I shouldn't let people see my bathing suit parts." "I'll take the Muppets tonight." "Please don't be weird." "I'm not weird." "I'm just like everyone else." ""Once upon a time, there was an extra pretty girl... "" "And then, Grace, you go, make up the next part," " and then we'll go around the circle." " Okay." "Once upon a time... there was an extra pretty girl who lived in a huge house on top of a hill with her family." "But then a dragon came swooping in, breathing fire out of its dragon nostrils and lights the house on fire." "Some of her family runs outside, but the little girl gets trapped inside by herself." "She screams for help, but no one wants to come back and save her, so she sits and she cries by herself... and gets burned up by the fire and dies alone." "[girls gasp]" "That's not how it goes." "But now it's more interesting." "No!" "That's stupid." "[girls giggling]" "You're stupid." "[sighs]" "But dragons are cool." "[Brook sobbing]" "Huh?" "[Brook continues sobbing]" "Hey, hey, hey, Brook." "Brook?" "Brook?" "I thought everyone goes by their last names." "They do, but I can't say yours with a straight face right now, so..." "Try to take some deep breaths." "Deep breaths." "Deep breaths, okay." "[sniffles]" "Do you wanna take some breaths with me, Chapman?" "No." "You know, when I was WWOOFing on a walnut farm in Xenia..." "While you were what-ing?" "WWOOFing." "Willing Workers On Organic Farms." "Where is Xenia?" "It's in Ohio." "You should probably just say "volunteering in Ohio" from now on." "It's pretty misleading otherwise." "Okay, well..." "Meadow [chuckles] said this really amazing thing..." "Meadow?" "Is that a person?" "Yeah, she's my best friend." "Oh." "Was my best friend." "Anyway, she said..." ""Brook, be a grasshopper."" "[chuckles]" "And it just made so much sense, you know?" "No, I don't." "It's about the synchronicity of life, Chapman." "I miss her so much." " [sobs] Meadow." " It's fine." "It's gonna be fine." "You seem so calm." "Are you a murderer?" "No, I'm not a murderer!" "Don't yell at me!" "I'm really scared right now!" " [Anita] Shut up!" " Hey, hey, hey." "Okay, I know, I know." "You know, I cried my whole first night, too." "It gets easier." "You'll adjust." "You'll find friends, and pretty soon the food is not gonna make you dry-heave and, you know, you'll even get the hang of pooping while making eye contact with somebody." "[shudders]" "Everything ends, Brook." "Even prison." "Try to focus on that." "Here are some tissues." "I think I'm finding friends already." "Okay, all right." "[laughs] [sniffles]" "[blowing nose]" "Should I go check on the table?" "It's been 45 minutes." "I'm sure the hostess is good at her job." "Right." " Do you want another drink?" " I'm good." "So how's Piper doing?" " Pardon?" " Piper?" "Your ex-fiancée who's in prison?" "It's... [chuckles]" "It feels... weird that you're asking me about her." "Well, would it be weirder if I pretended not to know about you?" "Because, you know, even if your dad hadn't told me, it is the 21st century and a quick click on Google can give me any information that I need, so..." "I like efficiency." "Let's just skip the small talk." "I don't..." "I don't know how Piper is." " We're not speaking at the moment." " Smart." "Uh, I'm sorry, my dad said you were a pediatrician of some sort?" "Pediatric neurologist." "Here I am, 29 years old and really impressive to parents." "[chuckles]" " Do you live with them?" " Who?" "Your parents." "What?" "No." "No, did he say that?" "What, no, it's just, they seem pretty involved in your life." "Yeah. [Clears throat] Yeah, they are." "So you working on anything right now?" "Oh." "Uh..." "Yeah, you know, I mean... [stammering]" "I'm considering some options." "I'm trying to figure out what's next." "Oh, no, that's great." "I..." "You know, I am just so tired of going on dates where I have to listen to guys go on and on about how they're turning their Twitter feeds into blogs, their blogs into books, and their books into Twitter feeds." " It's exhausting." " [chuckles]" "Stop pretending that your podcast is work, right?" "Right." "No, it's just... it's really refreshing that you're not doing anything." "Yeah?" "No, it's great." "A guy without ambition is at the top of my list." "Someone who's happy to stay at home with our three kids while I take care of other people's." "Did you want kids, because your Facebook profile didn't say?" "[woman breathing heavily] [moaning]" "[whispering] Shut up." "[muffled moaning continues]" "Hello?" "[grunts]" " [electricity crackles]" " Whoa!" "Ow!" "[grunting]" "[breathing heavily]" "[groans]" "Diaz, your side of the bunk is looking dirty." "I suggest you take a maxi pad to that floor, stat, if you wanna pass inspection." "[whispering] Did you get my gift?" "Yeah." "What's wrong?" "I..." "I thought you'd be excited." "Yeah, I've been dreaming about meeting a man who will leave a bag of raw spinach underneath my pillow with a note that says, "For my baby."" "You're a real Prince Charming." "Fuck diamonds, I got spinach!" " Spinach has folic acid in it." "A lot." " Mmm-hmm." "And... [whispering] I even got the organic kind." "The guys up front are calling me Popeye now." "They think it's my lunch!" "John, I ain't gonna eat a whole bag of spinach every day." "I'm not a fucking rabbit." "Yep." "The pre-natal vitamins have all kinds of other stuff in them, anyway." "Look, I..." "I can't get the pills in, Daya, I'm sorry." "Look, we're not even allowed to have vitamins in our bags now." "[inmates approaching]" "I'll reinspect tomorrow at 7:00 a.m., Diaz. [Clears throat]" "If you're not gonna be concerned about the health of our child, and you don't wanna figure this out," " then you know what?" " Oh, my God..." " I'm done." " ... please do not talk like your mother." "It's... it scares me." "Hey, can we, uh..." "Can we meet at our spot later?" "I miss touching you." "[sighs]" "Go." "[chuckles]" " [Vee] What are you doing?" " [gasps]" "I saw Dandelion." "Try again." "What... what are you trying to say?" "[exhales deeply]" "Piper." "She hates me." "She's dangerous, but so am I." "Who?" "That white girl?" "Oh, man, Suzanne." "Listen to me, okay?" "In my day, the black women ran this place." "And I say women, because that's what we were." "Women." "Not a bunch of little girls running around here with bad attitudes." "Now, I see you, you understand?" "I see you." "You're a smart, strong, black woman." "Everybody else around here underestimates you, but not me." "You remember that the next time you run into Dandelion, or whatever the hell you wanna call her." "You hold your head up high, you hear me?" "Because at the end of the day, you are a garden rose, and that bitch is a weed." "Thank you for these." "It's... it's good to know I have a friend in here." "[Crazy Eyes sighs] [woman moaning]" "Jesus fucking Christ, Nichols, you gotta work on your technique." "No babe ever takes this long when I'm doing her." "[Nicky] You know, some nuts are tougher to crack than others." "Oh, please, two in the pink, one in the stink." "It ain't rocket science." " [Nicky] Hey, I'll be out in a second!" " [woman moans loudly] [woman] Yes!" "Oh, my God!" "Yeah!" "[Squeals]" " [laughs] We have a touchdown." " [woman] Oh!" "We're no longer accommodating any bullshit allergy requests." "Listen, I'm just here to tell you that... the habanero sauce last night at dinner was almost as good as La Rica's." "How you know La Rica?" "[scoffs] Spiciest salsa in New York." "Best salsa in New York." "Oh, yeah, you're a good imitator." "I'll take that as a compliment." "It was meant as such." "I'm Vee." "Welcome to prison." "[Vee] Welcome back, actually." "[both laugh]" "I was just wondering, if we could... make a trade." "Flip the top." "[sighs]" "[Caputo] Well, the gang's all here, huh?" "Chapman, welcome back." "Miss Doggett, you're looking... rested." "Uh?" "No?" "Really?" "You didn't notice my teeth?" "Dang it." "Well, I got new teeth, 'cause she knocked my old ones out." "I think we can all agree there were some... dental issues before the fight, Miss Doggett." "Mr. Caputo, I would just like to say that I am prepared to behave like a model inmate and I feel I no longer pose a threat." "Spare us, Chapman, this isn't a beauty pageant." "I wanted to see you both so we can put this all behind us." "Bury the hatchet... or something with a little less violent history than that particular idiom." "From an administration perspective, you're both found at fault." "Case closed." "But she didn't hit me." "While I admire your incessant need to be special, Chapman... she did." "No, no, no, no, no, that's not what I meant." "Unless you'd like to explain how else you wound up in the snow with your face bashed in..." "Ah, I didn't think so." "I presume your ego will be all right with Miss Doggett getting a few punches in, seeing as how you're both enjoying the cozy comforts of minimum security instead of rotting away in the SHU." "I'd like to assume we're all squared away here, ladies." "Well?" "Can I?" "Assume that, huh?" " Yeah." " Mmm-hmm." "Yeah." "Good." "Perhaps you'd like to, uh... hug?" "To help assure me of your new friendship?" "Are you serious?" "[Pennsatucky clears throat]" "Good, okay, you may go." "Peace be with you." "Close the door behind you." "[breathes deeply]" "No." "[chuckles]" "Well, you haven't changed a bit." "Oh!" "I'm sure there are a few differences." "You've been well?" "Never better, till I landed back in here." "All the new drug laws these days." "[clicks tongue] Nasty business." "You didn't say hello to me in the bathroom yesterday." "I didn't see you in the bathroom." "You're mistaken." "I must be." "I'm sorry to see that you're not in the kitchen." "The food now is... no bueno." "Perhaps that will help with your weight." "Yeah, well, at least black don't crack." "You're right, nothing has changed." "[chuckles and sighs]" "Oh, Red, I'm getting too old for this shit." "I've been back here two days and already I can see the game has changed." "It has." "Yeah." "I think this time I'm just gonna keep my head down, read my books, do my time like the good Lord intended." "These old bones just need a little bit of peace and quiet." "That sounds nice." "Ambitious, and bullshit, but nice." "[man speaking indistinctly on PA] [cheers and applause]" "You're gonna be great, honey." "You did your scale warm-ups?" "[Renee] And now I'd like to introduce Suzanne Warren, who will be singing a special graduation song." "[applause]" "Come on, sweetie, this is your chance." "Go show them how great you are." "[soft applause]" "[piano plays]" "[faint laughter]" "No, I can't!" "I can't do it, Mom!" "No!" "Mom, I can't do it!" "[sobbing] I can't!" "I can't!" "I can't!" "I can't!" "[piano plays]" "♪ Praise the Lord ♪" "♪ I saw the light ♪ [all] ♪ Now I'm so happy, no sorrow in sight ♪" "♪ Praise the Lord, I saw the light ♪ [humming]" "Hee!" "Hey!" "Ooh!" "Hey!" "Ooh, I felt alive with the spirit!" "Like baby Jesus in the bear suit!" " Ooh!" " Yeah." "I felt his presence." " You felt his presence..." " Mmm-hmm." "or did you feel pee running down your leg?" " [whimpers] - [laughs]" "Yo, you know shit is bad when the mute has to save you." " The mute." " Ooh!" "[both grunting] [both laughing]" "Go ahead, how's it go?" "How does it go?" "Like this?" "Am I doing it right?" "[both grunting and laughing] [grunting]" "No, Mommy!" "Oh!" "I don't want to!" "You're always pushing me to do these things!" "Pushing me!" "No more, Mommy!" "No more." "Can I talk to you?" "I'm real sorry for what I did." "Please don't be mad at me." "No, no, Suzanne..." "Suzanne, you saved me." "No, I hit you." "In your face." "Like, wham, bam, slam!" "Yes, I..." "But you..." "You made it look like it was a fair fight." "You are the whole reason I am back here." "I am so grateful to you." "Do you wanna go see the movie tonight together?" "No, I don't think so, Dandelion." "I'm a garden rose." "[indistinct conversations]" "[Lorna sobbing]" "[Lorna continues sobbing]" "Hey, hey." "What's going on, kid?" "Did you have another dream about Mr. Snuffles?" "That whore is stealing my date!" "What?" "Are you getting out?" "No, no, my wedding date!" "[sobbing]" "Christopher's getting married on my date." "Just like we were supposed to." "Hey, it's..." "I'm sorry." "Oh, I know he's doing it just to hurt me." "What kind of a woman doesn't wanna pick her own date?" "Someone who doesn't get excited by the wedding industrial complex and society's bullshit need to infantilize grown women." "And she's fat!" "Yeah, that's a slut." "Come here." " Fuck Christopher." " [Lorna sobbing]" "I bet he sucks dicks." "[woman speaking indistinctly on PA]" "What are you doing?" "I'm really good, Chapman." "No, I said "what" are you doing." "Just setting my intention for the day." "Well, set your intention on your own bed." "[Brook chuckles] You are so much like Meadow, it kills me." "You know, traditionally, women are much more communal than men." "That's why most women are less violent." "I read that in a book about matriarchy in Papua New Guinea." "Anyway, I think that if you shared a bit more easily, maybe you wouldn't have beat that girl up, you know?" "No, Soso," "I don't know." "No one has a fucking clue what you are talking about, ever, and I definitely do not need your advice." "Ever." "We are not friends, I am not your new safety blanket, and I am definitely not going to be your new Meadow." "I am a lone wolf, Brook." "And a vicious one." "Don't make me rip your throat out with my teeth." " Weezy." " Lil Wayne!" "[Poussey] Yeah!" "Nah!" "You can't be all sayin' their names like that!" " Time!" " Yo, I ain't say shit." "That's his nickname." "And it could've just as easy been a George Jefferson reference." "Oh, shh..." "Yo, what's the deal with that bitch, anyway?" "I don't like her." "Asking favors already, like she own the damn place." "She used to." "That's what some of the girls were saying." "I don't care 'bout no "used to." I live in the present. [Scoffs]" "Namaste and shit." "That's Vee." "Hold up, like..." "like "Vee," Vee?" "Yep." "Why you ain't say nothing?" "Uh, who the fuck is Vee?" "Basically, like T's mom." "[sighs]" "Gracias." "Suzanne!" "Come get you some cake." "[shocked gasp]" "Why she get some cake?" "Why can't we get no cake?" "Who she think she is?" "[indistinct conversation]" "That is messed up." "Hey, Taystee Girl." "Peace offering." "Funfetti with chocolate icing." "How did you..." "like, what did you..." "I get by with a little help." "Suzanne here played a big part." "[sighs]" "Forgive me." "I promise I will never let you down again." "Wasn't I there for you all those years?" "Didn't I take care of you?" "Let me do the same here." "Why don't you, uh... invite your friends to join us?" "Be a shame to waste all this cake. [chuckles]" " Mmm-hmm." " [chuckles] [laughs] Hey!" "[Taystee] This is Vee." "Vee, this is..." "Yeah, yeah, I know." "Janae, Cindy," "Poussey." "Ladies..." " are you hungry?" " Yep." "[Black Cindy laughs]" "So, what was that game y'all were just playing?" "Don't work with an uneven number." "No offense." "Well, I count six of us." "Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm." "Someone needs to keep time." "Well, everybody can take turns keeping time." "You think, maybe, we should mix up them teams, right?" "Don't you think?" "[chuckles] I don't see why not." "You know, I had a feeling about you." "Knew we would get along." "[chuckling]" "Man, you so full of shit, your eyes brown." "[Black Cindy laughs] Duh!" "Here, let me help you with that, baby." "[sighs] You know, I think it's time we found you a new look, Suzie." "Oh, but this is how I've always done it." "Maybe it's time to just, you know, air it out a little bit." "[coughing]" "These are stale as fuck!" "Where'd you get these, 1983?" "Motherfucker." "['50s music playing]" "For more new Episodes go to G2G.fm"