"NARRATOR: 'Twas three nights before Christmas at the magical North Pole, and all the new elves had gathered round Santa to be given their roles." ""Toy-making elf!" Santa decreed to the first one in line, and to the next, and the next, and the next 209." "But when Santa came to the last elf standing there, something very different he was to declare!" ""Stable elf!" he proclaimed, expecting a cheer." ""You'll be the one in charge of all things reindeer." ""You'll talk to them and make them all fly." ""The sole keeper of the magic berries" ""that carry them into the sky. "" "But a cheer he did not receive." "Nor a smile, nor a chuckle." "Instead, poor Henry's knees started to buckle." ""I don't like reindeer, " he protested, "Or any animal, I mean," ""they slobber and shed and are so very unclean. "" "But Santa's mind was made up, that much was clear." "So that night, Henry came up with a plan, to change his career." "He would make a toy of his own as a secret surprise." "One that will force the big man to see him with new eyes!" "But Henry's toy-making skills were a long way from strong and before he knew it, things went wronger than wrong!" "Now, reindeer are well-trained." "They can sit, stay and heel." "But that doesn't mean they'll pass up a free meal." "Henry tried to stop them from floating away, but only succeeded in falling into the sleigh." "It was a disaster, a catastrophe, a tangled mess that might never have been unwoven, that is, were it not for a big, sloppy dog named Beethoven." "MASON:" "Hot chocolate, get your hot chocolate!" "It's low in fat and 100% organic." "At least..." "Not really." "(HORN HONKlNG)" "(barking)" "christine:" "Mason!" "Hey, Mom." "Hot chocolate?" "Goes to a good cause, teenagers whose mom's won't buy them what they want for Christmas." "Yeah, I think I'm going to stick with my own cause, moms who think there are more productive uses of teenager's time than video games." "How's it going anyway?" "Like Grandpa, after the divorce." "A big opportunity just came up at work, and I'm gonna need your help with this." "(WHlMPERlNG)" "Oh!" "Oh, Jesus!" "Oh, no, no, no!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "(GRUNTS)" "Get off me!" "Come here, come here." "(commanding BEETHOVEN)" "Okay, okay." "Don't worry, I think that just means he likes you." "Yeah?" "Well, the feeling is definitely not mutual!" "What's this drool machine doing here anyway?" "You don't recognize him?" "This is Beethoven." "He stayed in town to star in my commercial." "I need you to watch him while I get everything else ready." "Watch him?" "But, Mom, I don't even like dogs and it's Christmas break, I got my own stuff to do." "Can we talk about this later?" "I really have a lot I've got to get done." "Yeah, whatever." "Okay!" "Here is his bed." "It's in his contract, he has to have it handy anytime he needs it." "Mom, really, I'm working here, let it be handy at home." "Okay, sweetie." "Rapidly maturing son of mine." "Oh, sorry!" "Don't look so glum!" "How many other kids your age get to hang out with a celebrity dog?" "Celebrity dog?" "Yeah, well, that's really gonna help me sell hot chocolate." "(CAR DOOR CLOSES)" "(CAR starting)" "Come, get your picture taken with the world-famous celebrity dog, Beethoven!" "It makes a great Christmas gift." "is that really Beethoven?" "Wow." "He looks so much more slobbery in person." "Hi!" "(laughing)" "Here you go." "I have to give that to my nephew, he just loves Beethoven!" "Thank you." "Next, please!" "(inaudible)" "Guess you can do a lot more than just drool, can't you?" "(HENRY screaming)" "(BARKS)" "Beethoven, quiet down." "You don't want to scare off the customers." "Wait!" "Beethoven, stop!" "What's gotten into you?" "(ALL exclaiming)" "Don't worry, we'll be back." "Beethoven!" "(GRUNTS) I'm sorry." "God!" "Ho, ho." "Merry Christmas!" "There you go." "Thank you." "Merry Christmas." "(EXCLAlMlNG)" "Ho, ho, ho..." "Uh-oh." "Wait, wait, wait, wait!" "Was that Beethoven?" "(BEETHOVEN barking)" "Ow!" "Stupid mutt!" "Hey, I think that's Beethoven!" "Who?" "Beethoven, the world-famous dog." "Come on, let's get this stuff inside." "There's only two more shopping days until Christmas and I want to squeeze every last penny out of this place." "(GRUNTS)" "Go, come on." "All right, I'm going." "(HENRY screaming)" "Stop it!" "Stop doing that!" "Stop!" "No, no." "No, don't!" "(exclaims)" "No!" "Oh!" "(screaming)" "Hey, get back here!" "Don't tell Santa, okay?" "(EXCLAlMlNG)" "(BEETHOVEN barking)" "What in the..." "Hey, hey!" "Listen, dog, can you, uh, go get help?" "Can you go get your owner, or anybody?" "Just do it quickly, okay?" "Beethoven!" "(panting)" "Wow." "That actually worked!" "Beethoven, what's gotten into you?" "(HENRY CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)" "Hey, um, do you think you could, uh, help me out of this tree?" "It's kind of an... (GRUNTlNG) ...emergency!" "Um." "What if I do something to break your fall?" "What!" "Break my fall?" "Maybe we can find a solution that doesn't involve the words "break" and "fall!"" "(screaming)" "(GRUNTlNG)" "(WHlMPERS)" "(HENRY groaning)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Um..." "Uh..." "Uh, Mason." "Mason, okay." "Can I ask, why are you dressed like a Christmas elf and what were you doing in that tree?" "Well, I'm dressed like a Christmas elf because I'm a Christmas elf!" "(LAUGHS)" "And, um, as for the tree, let's just say it had something to do with reindeer, Santa's sleigh, and the fact that I'm probably never allowed in the North Pole again." "Okay, well, um, it was really nice to meet you and, uh, we really have to get going, okay?" "So, uh, come on, Beethoven." "Let's go." "Let's go." "Great job, Beethoven." "Got me rescuing an insane guy dressed like an elf." "(BEETHOVEN barking)" "Look, wait!" "(GRUNTS)" "Wait!" "ANNOUNCER:" "This Christmas, Beethoven wants you all to consider giving the gift you can't find in a store." "Rescue a pet from a shelter and give someone a home for the holidays." "And please become a monthly donor to the ASPCA." "(ANNOUNCER reading)" "Well, what do you think?" "I think I like it." "Really?" "Really!" "Christine, I think you hit this one right out of the dog park." "Thank you for this opportunity." "Hold on a second!" "What if I was to tell you, that I have another possible promotional opportunity for Beethoven." "What are you talking about?" "Well, I spoke with the mayor this morning." "He told me that the town Christmas parade this year is going to be televised." "Anyway, he wants Beethoven to be the Grand Marshal of the parade." "Isn't that fantastic?" "This could be an enormous opportunity, for the firm and for you." "But Beethoven's expected home." "Don't you worry about that." "I've already made arrangements with his owners for all those details." "Cooper, if you do a good job on this, I think we can pretty much guarantee that promotion is yours." "What do you say?" "You up for it?" "Absolutely, Mr. Rexford." "Thank you." "Wait." "Wait." "Look." "Look." "Hey, I need your help all right?" "Okay?" "Um." "Look, I don't know anyone else here and I really don't know where "here" is!" "And Santa's gonna be really upset if I don't..." "Okay, look. I'm not a six-year-old kid anymore." "I know that there's no such thing as Santa Claus." "(SCOFFS)" "Yes, there is!" "And I have to get his magic toy bag back before Christmas." "I think what you need to find is a good psychiatrist." "Maybe a whole team of them." "What?" "No!" "No, no, no, I'm telling the truth!" "(barking)" "Ha!" "See, your dog believes me." "(LAUGHS)" "He must've saw me fall out of the sleigh, didn't you, boy?" "Where did they get him?" "What if I can prove that I can understand what this drool machine is saying?" "How are you gonna do that?" "By talking to him." "All right." "Let's see what we have here." "Okay." ""Reindeer, Snow Bunny, Polar Bear, Weasel," ""Bank Executive?" "Oh, dog!" Here we go!" "Talk about dog breath." "All right, so, Beethoven, tell me something about Mason that only you would know." "Okay, I'll play along, but you're crazier than a calico on catnip if you really think you're gonna be able to understand what I'm saying!" "I can understand you perfectly, Beethoven." "You're kidding me, right?" "Wait, wait, wait." "Am I on that Animal Planet show where they play pranks on stupid..." "No, no!" "You're not on any show, Beethoven." "All right?" "Just tell me something about Mason, will you?" "Okay, okay. I've only been talking to people for about 30 seconds, so sorry if I'm a little distracted!" "By the way, you wouldn't happen to have any sugar cookies on you, would you?" "Beethoven!" "Sorry, sorry." "Okay, something about Mason." "Hmm." "I don't know too much about him, but here goes." "(barking)" "That's a little exploitive." "Okay." "What did he say?" "(SCOFFS) Only that you were selling his picture without his permission andlor giving him a cut!" "(BEETHOVEN growling)" "Yeah, he usually gets 25% of all ancillary income." "Paid in bones, of course." "So, you're telling me there really is a Santa Claus?" "Uh, duh." "Not just some dopes who act out a fantasy for little kids every year?" "That's right." "And you're a bonafide Christmas elf?" "Not just some whacko who just got out of the nuthouse." "Tell you what, just call me Henry." "This is surreal." "His jacket totally clashes with his knickers." "Totally!" "Come on, you got to let me try it." "No!" "No, I am sorry, man." "That's one thing Santa is very clear on." "Christmas magic is not to be used outside any non-North Pole employee." "Something to do with, like, liability or insurance, something like that." "Look, forget that." "We have bigger problems, all right?" "If I don't find Santa's toy bag before 1 2:00 on Christmas Eve, then he won't have enough time to deliver the presents on Christmas morning!" "And then I'll get stripped of my bells." "Trust me, that's a really bad thing up on the North Pole." "(EXHALES) Midnight, Christmas Eve, right?" "That gives us just over 48 hours." "(BEETHOVEN BARKS)" "That should be plenty of time." "I hope so." "I would hate to see what would happen if that bag ended up in the wrong hands!" "Honey, they have Red Rover." "I can't believe it." "All the other stores are sold out!" "Wait a second." "is this right?" "$99.99?" "Why, yes!" "I just priced it myself." "We thought it was supposed to be more in the price-range of 20 bucks." "Pro-model, 25 extra sounds." "Sings with his very own online app-store." "It's the only thing Charlie asked for this year." "(sighs)" "Pro-model, highway robbery!" "Keep the penny." "Suckers!" "(laughing)" "They couldn't find it anywhere else because we stole it from everywhere else!" "Right, boss?" "Ow!" "Shut up!" "This is our best scheme yet and I'm not going to let your loose lips sink it." "And what the heck are you wearing?" "It's an elf costume." "Like they wear at the North Pole." "I know it's an elf costume, half-wit." "What I want to know is why are you wearing it?" "I thought it would help with business." "You know that cell phone store down the street?" "They've got a guy out front dressed as a cell phone." "Only it's Christmas and we don't sell cell phones." "So I figured..." "Ow!" "Ah!" "Shut up." "First of all, you're an idiot." "Second of all, you're an idiot." "Third of all, look around." "Business is doing just fine." "In fact, this might be my best scam since "Most Wanted Mopeds."" "Ooh!" "Or even "Most Wanted Kitchen Appliances."" "In fact, I think it might be time for another one of our midnight shopping sprees." "(BOTH laughing)" "Okay, you hit Toy Bonanza on Route 30." "They should be restocked by now." "And I'll check out Oy What A Toy on Nazareth Boulevard." "And take that stupid costume off!" "You look ridiculous." "The woman at the Halloween store..." "Who charged you $40." "...said I looked fashionably festive." "Mmm." "No." "A cheap knock-off, at best." "Hey!" "Sorry, everyone, we're closing a bit early today." "Please take your purchases to the check-out counter now." "(laughing)" "That's right, move along." "(christmas jingle playing)" "Elves wear tights and elves wear tunics" "Elves are Santa's little eunuchs" "Freaks of nature." "(tires screeching)" "What the... lnconsiderates!" "Leaving their junk right in the middle of the street." "(screaming)" "That's twice in one day with the same foot!" "What the heck is in here anyway?" "Toys." "What?" "What the..." "(LAUGHS)" "Groovy." "(exclaims)" "I'll be ho, ho, hoed!" "(dialing ON CELL PHONE)" "KENNY:" "Most Wanted Toys, may I help you?" "Yeah." "Cancel the toy ride!" "Okay." "I think I just found a whole new source of inventory." "Whatever you say, boss." "(LAUGHS)" "(DOG barking)" "What are you looking at?" "Finders, keepers!" "(BARKS) (WHlMPERS)" "(WHlMPERS)" "(tires squealing)" "(WHlMPERS again)" "HENRY:" "Mmm." "So this is called pizza?" "(WHlMPERS) lt's delicious!" "I mean, it could use a little bit more nutmeg, but, hey, everything could use a little bit more nutmeg." "(LAUGHS)" "So, what do you guys eat at the North Pole?" "Well, mostly milk and cookies 'cause, you know, Santa draws up the menu and..." "Um, how about the Internet?" "Do you guys have that?" "We have the Winternet." "Freezes up a lot, though." "Uh, do you guys go to school?" "We are supposed to, but every day is a snow day." "(LAUGHS)" "Holy..." "(BARKS)" "You know, I have to admit I thought you would be shorter." "Yeah, it's a common misconception, but I'm pretty average as far as elf-sizes go." "I am member of the National Association for the Advancement of Larger Elves." "What else do we have wrong?" "Do elves really make toys?" "Uh..." "Well, yeah, all of us do like..." "We wouldn't be elves if we didn't make toys, right?" "What about the whole talking-to-animals thing?" "Do all elves do that?" "Well, yeah." "Each and every one of us do." "Definitely not just the stable elves." "Stable elves." "What are stable elves?" "Oh." "Nothing special." "I mean, uh, nothing important." "Hello, Mason, Beethoven, and Christmas elf." "Mason, is this a friend of yours?" "Uh, no, you actually had it right the first time." "This is Henry and, well, he is a real-life Christmas elf." "(HENRY CLEARS THROAT)" "Greetings from the North Pole, my lady." "Your son was kind enough to help me look for Santa's toy bag." "Yeah, it fell off the sleigh while we were passing over your town." "Santa's toy bag?" "I know what you are thinking, Mom, but it's true." "I mean, Beethoven must've seen him fly across the sky." "And, well, let's just say that nobody is going to get any presents if we don't help him." "Ah!" "Okay, I see what's going on." "Look, I appreciate you playing along with my son's little game, but I am very busy tonight and I just don't have the energy to play along." "No, Mom, it's not a game." "Look, Mason." "I know you are still upset that I'm not going to buy you the MegaStation, but really, getting somebody from the Christmas setup at the mall to play a prank on me?" "What?" "Mom, this isn't a prank." "He really needs our help." "Look, I hate to be rude, but hope you can find your own way back to the North Pole." "Oh." "Oh, yes." "Uh... (laughing NERVOUSLY)" "(MOUTHlNG)" "(BEETHOVEN BARKS)" "Well, merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." "(HENRY giggles)" "Really, Mason?" "Christmas elf?" "Hey. I'm sorry about that." "I don't know why I thought she'd help." "You must be freezing out here." "Are you kidding me?" "Man, compared to the North Pole, this feels like the Caribbean!" "Well, I think I got some place you can stay until we find your bag." "Sweet." "So this is the best I could do on such short notice." "I know it's not like the Four Seasons." "There's four seasons?" "Huh!" "Hey, are those Christmas decorations?" "Uh, yeah." "My mom didn't really have time to decorate the house this year." "Hmm." "I am highly offended by this." "(GASPS) No way!" "is this a toy workbench?" "What?" "Not exactly." "That's my dad's, but we did build a toy or two on it." "Hey!" "is this him?" "Maybe he can help us look." "Um..." "My dad died last year." "I'm so sorry." "It's okay." "Anyway..." "Here you go." "(LAUGHS)" "First thing tomorrow morning, we'll start looking for Santa's toy bag." ""Santa's toy bag."" "I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth." "(DOOR CLOSES)" "Sure hope being a toy-making elf is worth all this." "(barking)" "Hmm?" "What's going on?" "What's this?" "Your special dog bed?" "(LAUGHS)" "Okay." "What did you bring it in here for?" "You look like you could use it more than me." "Besides no one likes an ungrateful elf." "Okay, okay, I'll try it out." "Geez." "Attitude." "Oh... (EXCLAlMlNG with JOY)" "Lay down with dogs, wake up with angels." "(LAUGHS)" "This is actually more comfortable than my bed at the North Pole." "Thank you, Beethoven." "No problem, kid." "Well, all right." "Okay." "Want some cover?" "All right, here we go." "(FARTS)" "(sniffing)" "Oh, come on, man." "It's endless." "(laughing evilly)" "(GASPS)" "Endless!" "This Santa guy has got a real good racket going on." "Wow." "Where did you get all this great stuff?" "I told you, from Santa's magic toy bag." "Isn't that the new place on Sycamore?" "No." "Santa's magic toy bag." "His actual magic toy bag." "You know, it would really be nice if you could give me a straight answer once in a while." "It's really insulting." "I am supposedly your partner." "If you want me to do your laundry for you, why don't you just ask?" "Would you like that folded, or on hangers?" "Would you please give me that?" "And why don't you get started pricing stuff?" "And didn't I tell you to take that stupid costume off?" "Yeah, but I enjoy being an elf." "Plus it's kind of slimming, don't you think?" "No." "Wait a minute." "That costume might come in handy tomorrow after all." "Tomorrow?" "What are we doing tomorrow?" "Advertising, Kenny." "A little good old-fashioned advertising." "(LAUGHS evilly)" "(BOTH chuckling)" "Miss Jingle, you didn't tell me we are under a mistletoe." "Come on." "Miss Jingle, have you been snacking on some liver?" "(exclaims)" "Morning, elf." "You know what?" "You really got to stop doing things like that, dog." "All right?" "I know it's time to wake up, but you could've just said something." "I'm a dog." "I still like to lick." "Dog!" "Do you mind?" "Do you mind?" "(GRUNTlNG)" "Ooh, tug-of-war." "I love this game." "Beethoven, we need a plan, all right?" "I mean, how am I supposed to find a toy bag in a whole town?" "It could be anywhere." "I got a pretty good sniffer you know." "You got anything I might be able to catch a scent from?" "(GASPS) Here." "Try this." "Got it." "Let's roll." "Wait a minute." "Are you one of those fbi, like, sniffer dogs?" "Come on." "What are you waiting for?" "(BEETHOVEN BARKS)" "(HENRY screaming)" "Wait!" "Wait up!" "Come on, elf." "Don't they do cardio in the North Pole?" "Hey, Mason, good morning." "Morning, Mom." "You're up early." "Didn't exactly go to sleep." "Gotta get this model to the builders by tomorrow if I want Beethoven's float ready for the parade." "Come here." "Tell me what you think." "Okay." "Okay, so, Beethoven is going to sit in this oversized director's chair, and then I have hired carolers to stand around him and sing." "Got the Hollywood sign in the background." "And then we're going to have search lights and flash bulbs go off like paparazzi." "What do you think?" "is it glitzy enough for a star like Beethoven?" "Uh... I guess." "Come on, kiddo, I really want to know what you think." "This is important." "If I do well on it, I get that promotion." "And then you'll be working even longer hours." "Mason, I know this hasn't been easy on you, but this promotion is really important to our family." "Yeah, okay." "Uh, Mom, where are you going?" "Well, the glue has to dry." "I'll stick it in the garage till tomorrow morning." "Stop." "You..." "You can't go in there." "What?" "Mason, come on." "(stammering) No, it's your Christmas present." "What?" "Uh, yeah, I put it there last night so I don't want you to see it." "I was in there last night." "I didn't see anything." "That's because it got delivered this morning." "No, not this morning." "It got delivered late last night." "Last night is when..." "Mason, cut it out." "Move." "Uh, Mom, I'm so..." "Okay." "Uh..." "Mom, I think that we should just, uh..." "Uh, let's, uh..." "Let's be in the garage." "Uh..." "Just us." "It's always hardest around the holidays, huh?" "Tell you what, why don't I see if I can get out of work a little early tonight?" "We can go have a nice dinner together." "How's that sound?" "Yeah, it sounds great." "Now try to stay out of here for the next 24 hours." "That goes double for Beethoven, speaking of which, where is he anyway?" "Uh, he's, um, in my room." "He actually slept in my bed last night." "Really?" "Thought you didn't like dogs." "Yeah, but I think he is kind of growing on me." "Didn't you have to get to work, Mom?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Got to pitch my float idea to Mr. Rexford." "Hey, keep an eye on Beethoven for me, will you?" "Of course." "I won't let him out of my sight." "Thanks, Mason." "I'll just have to find him first." "HENRY:" "Merry Christmas." "Jingle, jingle and a ho to the ho, ho, ho." "You know, Beethoven, you must be really famous." "'Cause it seems like every person that lays eyes on you is just left speechless." "Yeah, I've done a few things." "Hey, hey, you still have the scent?" "Yep." "Okay, good." "Good, good, good." "You know, when I was stuck in that tree, I never expected I'd be rescued by a dog, you know?" "Especially not one like you, but actually I'm glad that it happened." "Got it." "Let's go." "(GROANS)" "(BEETHOVEN barking)" "Hey, Beethoven." "(GRUNTlNG)" "Oh!" "Hey, listen, if you let me borrow this, I will make sure" "Santa brings you one twice as good for Christmas." "Please?" "Please?" "Please?" "Please?" "No." "No." "No." "No." "I said please!" "Thank you." "Merry Christmas." "Whoo!" "I'll bring it back later." "Help!" "The elves have turned on us." "Ho, ho, ho Ho, ho, ho" "So come on down and visit me, Sylvester Smirch" "And Crazy Kenny" "Here at Most Most" "Wanted Wanted" "Toys Mattresses" "Where you will find..." "Uh, boss?" "What?" "We're right in the middle of a commercial." "Yes, I know, but you sang, "Most Wanted Mattresses."" "I most certainly did not." "Actually, you did." "I..." "But..." "All right, let's do it again." "Mattresses Toys" "Mattresses Toys" "Mattress..." "Toys Toys" "Mattresses Toys" "(GRUNTS)" "(BEETHOVEN barking)" "What the..." "A Christmas elf." "A Christmas elf." "HENRY:" "Slow down." "Slow down." "Boss, where are you going?" "(GRUNTS) Got you." "Come here." "(exclaims)" "That is the greatest elf costume." "Where did you get it?" "Oh, thank you." "You know, Mrs. Claus made it, so, uh..." "(LAUGHS)" "(barking)" "BEETHOVEN:" "Hang on." "(screaming)" "(EXCLAlMlNG)" "BEETHOVEN:" "Excuse me!" "(EXCLAlMlNG)" "Everybody, limbo!" "Beethoven!" "Kenny, shut up and listen." "Meet me on the west side of the pavilion." "The west side." "Look at a map!" "Beethoven." "Beethoven, stop." "Slow it down." "Slow it down." "I'm scared. I'm scared." "Stop, slow down." "Slow it down." "Beethoven." "(PEOPLE exclaiming)" "SMlRCH:" "Coming through." "(screaming)" "Fresh kielbasa sausage." "Get it fresh here." "Try some." "Try some kielbasa sausage." "(PEOPLE exclaiming)" "(screaming)" "MAN:" "You okay?" "KENNY:" "Hey, boss." "Hop in." "Drive, moron." "Drive!" "I don't know what's worse." "Looking for Beethoven." "Looking for a Christmas elf." "(barking)" "(WHlMPERlNG)" "Hey, you stuck?" "Here." "Let me help you with that." "There you go." "Got to be more careful next time." "(BARKS)" "All right." "Go home." "Go." "Shoo!" "Come on now, go." "What, don't you have a home?" "You're not a stray, are you?" "Well, even if you are, what do you want me to do about it?" "I already have one dog that I don't want this week." "(BARKS)" "Go." "Whatever, pooch." "What?" "What?" "Oh, hey, boy." "Boy, it's not your fault." "(LAUGHS)" "(DOG BARKS) Hey, I've been looking all over for you." "Hey, when did you get another dog?" "What?" "Oh." "No, I didn't. lt's just a stray that won't stop following me." "A stray?" "Well, what's a stray?" "What?" "Don't you guys have strays in the North Pole?" "They are these dogs..." "Actually, forget it." "Just tell me." "Did you guys find the toy bag or not?" "We tracked down the guy who has the bag, but it seems he doesn't really want to give it up." "Does that mean you actually saw his face?" "'Cause then maybe we can get a description." "This is a pretty small town." "Maybe I can recognize him." "I didn't really get a good look." "But maybe Beethoven did." "No, sorry, amigo." "No?" "Now this is just ridiculous." "I mean, someone had to see a man pick up a magic toy bag." "(barking) I saw him. I saw him." "He barked at me." "What was that?" "I got a good look at him." "He was a mean-looking dude." "(stammering) Wait, what's he saying?" "He's saying that he saw him." "(BOTH laughing)" "Attaboy!" "Ready for me, Mr. Rexford?" "Ready as a rooster." "Come on in, Cooper." "New hobby?" "No, new client." "This is the new X-980 rocket." "You build it, you paint it, you launch it." "I like to familiarize myself with all the products that we promote." "How is our new float coming along?" "Oh, it's great." "I've got some really good ideas I want to hit you with." "Good." "You just float 'em right on by me." "Well, since Beethoven's a big movie star, I was thinking put him on a Hollywood-themed float." "You know, with flavors of Christmas naturally." "Christmas." "Yes, yes, yes." "I see it in my mind's eye." "Peacocks and men in togas." "Or I was thinking, flash bulbs and sprigs of holly." "Oh, that's even better." "That's a great idea." "Total win-win." "Great." "Only one problem." "What's that?" "I want another win." "Excuse me?" "That's right, Cooper." "I wanna do something that we've never done before." "I want a win-win-win." "Okay." "How do we get the third win?" "We go nationwide with this." "We get every man, woman and child and chipmunk alive to watch that parade tomorrow." "You want chipmunks to be watching?" "Well, no, that's just an expression." "I really don't think it is." "What I want you to do is press-release that float like you have never press-released anything before." "You get it out to all the major outlets by tomorrow morning." "You're gonna want to word it just properly so you're gonna have to put in a few extra hours tonight." "You up for it?" "Good, Cooper, because that is how you get a win-win-win." "(WOMAN exclaims)" "Oops." "We're not supposed to be here again, but I don't want to risk my mom coming home before we get the sketch done." "There should be a drawing pad in here somewhere." "BEETHOVEN:" "Okay." "Who's hungry?" "I am. I am." "Hey, wait." "So are you telling me there's really animals with no homes?" "Yeah, a lot of them." "I don't get it." "Why don't people just take them in?" "I don't know." "It is pretty crummy if you think about it." "Don't you have stray animals at the North Pole?" "(SCOFFS) No." "None." "In fact, as a stable elf, it's my job..." "Stable elf?" "Oops." "I thought you said you were a toy-making elf." "What I meant to say was stable elves, it's their job to make sure that the animals in the North Pole have homes, but, you know, I'm not one." "Nice recovery, elf." "Anyways, if this guy didn't have a home, then where did he come from?" "I don't want to talk about it." "I don't know." "He probably escaped from the pound or something." "What's a pound?" "It's where they put animals who are lost or have no homes." "I don't think it's supposed to be such a nice place either." "Trust me. lt isn't." "Why?" "Don't worry, boy." "You're with us now." "Yeah." "Hey, don't get his hopes up." "I can't adopt him." "(WHlMPERS)" "What?" "But he chose you." "Chose me?" "(SCOFFS)" "What do you mean chose me?" "(whining)" "You better do some talking, bub." "Well, this one stable elf I know told me that, uh, people don't really choose their animals." "It's the other way around." "And it looks to me as if you've been chosen." "Well, I don't want to be chosen, all right?" "I don't understand." "I just don't want a dog, okay?" "I mean, it'll probably just end up getting sick, or run off anyway." "Oh." "I understand." "Um, that would be hard." "(HORN HONKS)" "Hey, my mom's here." "Okay. I'm supposed to go out to dinner with her." "So that should give you plenty of time to get the sketch done." "Mason, I'm home!" "Hey, Mom." "Honey." "Don't tell me you were outside in the cold." "What?" "Uh, yeah, I was going to shovel the back walk." "What are you up to?" "Up to?" "I'm not up to anything." "Can't a son just shovel a sidewalk for his mom without being asked?" "Not usually." "But I appreciate it." "And have I thanked you yet for your help with Beethoven?" "Speaking of which, how is our celebrity guest anyway?" "He's great." "Been a real big help actually." "A help?" "Help with what?" "Making this the most memorable Christmas ever." "Anyway, um, ready to go?" "Go." "Go where?" "Uh..." "You said we were going out for dinner tonight." "Oh, sweetie, sorry." "Something came up." "Let me guess, at work?" "Yeah." "Mr. Rexford liked my float idea so much that he wants me to do a press release." "Maximize coverage, you know?" "Yeah. I understand." "No problem." "Honey, when this all blows over, I'll make it up to you, I promise." "We'll do something fun for the Martin Luther King weekend." "Swell. I'll break out the civil rights decorations." "HENRY:" "Tell you what?" "How about we just get started?" "His eyes." "Can you describe them to me?" "Were they, uh, big and round like..." "Cookies." "Beethoven, you didn't even see his face, how do you know what his eyes look like?" "What?" "Oh, no, I was just saying I'd like some treats." "Bet the little guy would, too." "Wouldn't you, pal?" "I guess I'm a little hungry." "Listen, we don't have time for treats right now." "Are you kidding?" "There's always time for treats." "This is serious, okay?" "So is this." "We're hungry." "Yeah." "I've been running around all day and not once did anyone offer me so much as a biscuit." "I may be a Saint Bernard, but that doesn't mean I'm a saint." "And who knows when the last time this little guy ate?" "A week ago, Tuesday." "By the way, that's another part about being a stray." "You skip a lot of meals." "He makes a very good point, you know?" "I think we just about got him." "Hey, you know what would really put him over the edge?" "What's that?" "Puppy-dog eyes." "Okay." "Come on." "On three." "One, two, three..." "(DOG whimpering)" "Okay." "Okay." "(GROANS)" "Let me see what I can do for you guys." "Okay." "Let's see." "Ah, here we go." "Look." "Okay." "This is all I got, okay?" "All natural." "Good for elves and good for animals, too." "One for you and one for you." "Mmm." "Oh, boy." "These are the yummiest things I've ever eaten." "(DOGS BURPlNG)" "Guys." "You shouldn't have got me started." "You see, Henry, it's quite natural." "There are billions of tiny bacterium in our intestines to help digestion." "Unfortunately, these bacteria also release gases such as methane which prompt the expulsion, a.k.a. burps." "Put simply, the excess gas in our stomach can't all be taken in and processed." "That's what she said." "So, it must ultimately be released through the mouth." "(FARTS)" "Among other places." "(WHlMPERlNG)" "(FARTS SOFTLY)" "(BOTH farting)" "Very classy, Beethoven." "Yeah, well, I'm studying to be a doctor when the acting dries up." "Not me." "I'm gonna be a canine gas-expulsion expert." "(FARTlNG continues)" "Can we please just get started?" "Sure thing, elf." "(CHUCKLES)" "(FARTS again) Geez." "All right." "Here we go." "Ready?" "Now, uh, can you describe him to me?" "Was his face round like a snowman or thin like Jack Frost?" "STRAY:" "I don't really know who Jack Frost is, but he definitely didn't look like a snowman." "is something burning?" "(BEETHOVEN barking) ls it getting a little warm in here?" "(EXCLAlMlNG)" "BEETHOVEN:" "Every dog for himself!" "STRAY:" "Watch it." "My mom's model!" "Henry, what did you do?" "We didn't do anything." "Just get out of here." "I'll handle it." "Mason!" "Mason, is something on fire?" "Uh..." "Oops." "Really, Mom, I didn't mean to do it." "Really, then what were you doing in the garage when I specifically told you not to go in there?" "And don't bother telling me that my Christmas present was out there this time." "Okay." "Look, I was out there, because that Christmas elf that I brought home yesterday was here with Beethoven." "Mason, this again?" "Mom, it's true." "It's not true." "Now I'm sorry that I have to work so much, but punishing me for that isn't going to make things any easier on either one of us." "Do you understand?" "I'm not punishing you." "You know what, Mason?" "I don't have time for this conversation because thanks to you, I have a press release to write and an entire model to rebuild before tomorrow morning." "I'm sorry to do this to you this week, but you're grounded." "Means you're not going to be leaving the house until New Year's." "What?" "I'm grounded?" "I don't know what you thought would happen, you could've burned the whole house down." "Well, Merry Christmas to me." "(HENRY laughing NERVOUSLY)" "Hey, sorry." "Um..." "Was that my fault?" "Was that your fault?" "Oh, boy." "Oh, here we go." "Let's see." "Did you stupidly and irresponsibly lose the toy bag?" "Yes." "Did you idiotically land in that tree and intrude on all our lives?" "Yes." "Did you moronically set fire to my mother's float model?" "Yes." "Yes, it was your fault." "I just don't see it." "Oh!" "What a dumb elf!" "You know what?" "Never mind." "Don't worry about it." "Just please tell me that you got a good sketch." "Oh, actually, we just finished it." "Yeah." "(HENRY LAUGHS)" "Yeah, little guy over there, he's got quite some memory." "Don't you?" "Yes, you do." "All right." "So, check it out." "Do you recognize him?" "Actually, no." "What?" "This is great." "I make one mistake, one mistake, and all this happens." ""One little mistake." What does that mean?" "Look, at this point, I might as well just tell you the truth." "I'm not really a toy-making elf." "You're not?" "No." "I'm a stable elf." "And the whole reason I'm here is because I was trying not to be." "Doesn't matter." "After this disaster, I'll be lucky if Santa lets me be an elf at all." "But wait, I don't get it." "Why don't you wanna be a stable elf?" "All of my other elf buddies, they're all making toys." "And I'm just different." "What's so bad about being different?" "Anyone can buy a toy from a store, but being the one elf who can talk to animals," "and help with Santa's magic reindeer?" "That seems pretty cool to me." "Hey, you can't sleep there." "Okay, I got to admit." "You're kind of cute." "And you look pretty comfy." "Don't get used to it, okay?" "I meant what I said yesterday." "You can't stay here." "(whining)" "HENRY:" "That's right, Santa." "You won't be able to deliver any presents because of me." "Right?" "There's always next year, right?" "Who am I kidding?" "It's Coal City for me." "Hey, don't beat yourself up, H-man." "You're still the coolest elf I've ever met." "Of course, you're the only elf I've ever met, but you shouldn't let that affect the compliment." "Well, thank you, Beethoven." "Hey. lf there were more animals like you at the North Pole, I would be happy to be a stable elf." "Oh, really?" "Come here." "Give me some sugar." "You still got to stop doing that though." "(GROANS)" "You got to get used to it." "It's a real show of affection in the dog world." "We dogs love to lick." "SMlRCH:" "Ho, ho, ho" "KENNY:" "Ho, ho, ho" "Ho, ho, ho" "(barking)" "Quiet!" "You'll wake up my mom." "Visit me, Sylvester Smirch lt's him." "It's him." "No, no, no, no, he's saying that that's the guy that stole Santa's toy bag." "Where all the hottest toys..." "Will be in stock." "That's right." "It's almost as if we have an endless supply." "Oh!" "Oh!" "That's Santa's toy bag." "We found it." "Yes." "Good work, guys." "Rub my belly." "Rub my belly." "Hey, calm down, elf." "Come on, big fella, move those big bones." "I'm coming. I'm coming." "Hold on to your whiskers." "Okay." "So my mom would kill me if I left the house while I was grounded." "So, you guys are gonna take this one yourself." "No problemo." "You know, I'm thinking these two fur balls can handle it all by themselves." "You got that right, elf." "STRAY:" "On our way." "Operation Red Bag, here we come." "SMlRCH ON PA:" "Merry Christmas, shoppers." "Sylvester Smirch here." "Welcome to Most Wanted Toys." "Don't forget to stop by the Shop Till You Drop Corner for the hottest and most wanted toys." "These prices, ridiculous." "Ridiculous!" "But I've been to every other store in town, they're all sold out." "This guy really does seem to have an endless supply." "Everyone, wait." "Okay?" "You guys cannot buy these toys." "These toys are supposed to be going to kids all around the world." "What are you talking about?" "What I'm talking about is these toys are stolen." "(ALL GASP)" "That's right." "These toys do not belong to the owner of this store." "Elf trouble." "You're saying these toys are stolen?" "They are stolen directly from Santa himself." "That's right, everyone." "The prices are so low, it's as if these toys are stolen from Santa himself." "(laughing) Just a little viral marketing, folks!" "That concludes our 1 2:00 show." "Great show." "There will be additional performances throughout the day." "What are you talking about, Smirch?" "Uh, folks, please ignore Binky, the drunken elf here." "He's had a little too much eggnog this morning." "(EXCLAlMlNG in pain)" "Kenny, rip these nice people off." "I mean, ring these nice people up." "I'll be right back." "Get out." "Hey, you listen to me, all right?" "I'm not leaving here without Santa's toy bag." "If you're not gone in the next three minutes, I'm gonna call the police." "And who do you think they're going to believe?" "A taxpaying merchant with a lease and a permit or little Mr. Fancy Pants and his mangy-mutt parade?" "Hey!" "Chop-chop." "Let's shop." "(GROANS)" "All right." "We have to get back in there." "I wonder if they sell chewy toys in there." "HENRY:" "Hey." "You see that small window in the back?" "All right, here's the plan." "I can create a diversion out here and you guys can sneak around and grab the bag." "I think I can handle that." "HENRY:" "But..." "How am I gonna do that?" "Hey, elf." "Not now, Beethoven." "Can't you hear that music?" "Beethoven, seriously, all right?" "This is no time for music, okay?" "We're trying to think of a plan here." "Music is the plan, silly." "What do you mean, "Music is the plan"?" "Come on, elf." "Get moving." "Whoa!" "Whoa, whoa." "(singing JINGLE BELLS)" "BEETHOVEN:" "Now, go." "Go." "Go." "Go." "Go." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "All right, they call you Beethoven for a reason, huh?" "BEETHOVEN:" "Come on." "Let's go, little guy." "Right behind you." "(continue singing)" "Hey, hey." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Hey, hey." "Um, I'm new in town and I would love to be a part of your group." "Dude, do you ever wear your regular clothes?" "Who are you anyway?" "The name's Presley." "Elfis Presley." "Anyways, um, would you guys be interested in taking a new member?" "Uh, not really." "Oh, come on." "Please." "Please." "Please." "Easy, Presley, don't get your bells in a bunch." "Just stay in tune." "Don't frighten anyone, capisce?" "Yeah." "(singing continues)" "Here you go, three more." "Oh, boy." "Christmas carolers." "Don't even think about it." "Just one song." "I mean, everybody loves Christmas music, right?" "Wrong." "Besides, it's probably just another trick by that irritating elf." "(SCOFFS)" "Come on!" "An entire crowd of Christmas carolers?" "I'll make you a deal, we get to listen to one Christmas carol and you don't have to buy me a Christmas present this year." "I wasn't going to get you a Christmas present anyway." "Oh, please, boss, with candy canes on top." "Come on." "I just want to hear the Christmas carolers!" "Oh, all right." "If it'll shut you up." "It will." "No, no, no, boss." "One song." "For the memories." "(sniffing) Good thing I'm comfortable around garbage." "I am in hell." "I wonder if this is considered barking and entering." "BEETHOVEN:" "Come on." "Let me in." "What are you waiting for?" "I'm freezing my jingle bells off out here." "December is all work and no play ...hours of an average working day" "I'll try to make it through Christmas day" "(HENRY LAUGHS)" "Wait a second." "Those aren't the lyrics." "Oh, what?" "You don't know that verse?" "SMlRCH:" "Hey!" "It's that insane elf." "Where?" "Well, then, where is..." "Santa's bag!" "Get back here with that." "HENRY:" "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Excuse me!" "Hold this." "Let go." "(GROWLlNG)" "Give me that!" "Give it to me, you bloated flea bag!" "(SCREAMS)" "Mommy!" "Good boy, Beethoven." "I'll take it from here." "(BEETHOVEN barking)" "No!" "I got it." "I actually got it!" "(groaning)" "SMlRCH:" "Officer." "I'd like to report a robbery and a canine assault." "Listen, all right?" "I am not the one who stole the toy bag, okay?" "It was him." "It was that guy right there." "Uh-huh." "Tell it to the judge, Christmas elf." "In the mean time, you have the right to remain silent." "CAROLERS:" "Silent night Holy night" "All is calm All is bright" "Cram it, carolers." "How rude!" "(CAROLERS voice disgust)" "All right, get in the cruiser." "HENRY:" "Wait, no!" "Stop it!" "(panting)" "You take that stray to the shelter." "(WHlMPERS)" "Tata." "Mr. Smirch, I'll meet you back at the police station." "You stay there." "No." "Thank you, Officer." "No, you are a grumpy, grouchy, evil person." "They made me do it." "(siren wailing)" "Uh, just needs more Christmas stuff." "You know, like, do you think we can get some of those big Christmas balls?" "Christmas balls?" "Yeah." "You know, those big, colorful ornament balls?" "Oh, and some sprigs of holly, you know, for Holly-wood?" "Big Christmas balls and sprigs of holly?" "Sure, I'll rustle some up right now." "(siren wailing)" "Wonder what's going on." "I heard some nut dressed like a Christmas elf got arrested for robbing a toy store." "REXFORD:" "Christine?" "This is our float?" "christine:" "Hi, Mr. Rexford." "Yes." "Um, listen, I know it's a little different from what we discussed, but there were some problems with the model, so we had to make a few small changes." "Problem with the model?" "What sort of problem?" "Uh, it's kind of a long story." "Don't you worry, float's gonna be great." "Needs balls." "Excuse me?" "You know, those big, colorful ornament balls." "You have some of those?" "Of course, Mr. Rexford." "And how about some little wrapped presents, too?" "I mean, for heaven's sakes, that's what Christmas is about, glitz and glamour and presents." "Lots and lots of presents." "(CELL PHONE ringing)" "Trouble." "Hello." "Inga!" "(LAUGHS) My little Swedish meatball." "I'm so glad you got my tweet." "Beethoven." "(BEETHOVEN BARKS)" "What happened?" "Where is Henry and the little guy?" "Oh, man, I wish I could understand you." "Hey, Mason." "Mom, I need to talk to you about something." "What?" "What's wrong?" "It's the elf. I... I think he may be in trouble." "Let me guess." "Your little elf friend knocked over a toy store and now you want me to post bail?" "No, Mom, listen." "There's really something wrong." "We are not having this conversation, Mason, because I need to get Beethoven ready for the parade." "(barking) Oh!" "See, Mom?" "Even Beethoven is trying to tell you something." "Can't you just put your stupid job aside for one second and just listen to me?" "I do listen to you, Mason." "No, you don't." "Ever since Dad died it's like you barely pay attention to me at all." "It's like you died, too." "And you know what?" "If Dad was here, he'd listen to me." "I just know he would." "(WHlMPERS)" "Have I really been that absent?" "What am I talking to you for?" "You can't talk." "Beethoven!" "Where you going?" "Beethoven, what are you doing?" "(BEETHOVEN BARKS) What have you got?" "A candy cane?" "I don't want a candy cane right now, Beethoven." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay, I'll have a candy cane." "I'll have a candy cane." "Oh, that is horrible." "Oh, what kind of candy cane is this?" "The kind that turns this... (BARKS) ...into this, "Hey, good-looking, how you doing?"" "What's going on?" "What's going on is it's time for you to get your nose out of your butt and listen to Mason." "He's telling the truth, you know." "While you've been out chasing your tail, we've been trying to save Christmas, doggone it." "But you can't talk." "Oh, just get over it already." "It's elf magic, all right?" "You know, from that real Christmas elf who's living in your garage?" "He's got a whole bag of tricks out there." "Berries that make reindeer fly, candy canes that let us have this cute little conversation we're having." "(laughing NERVOUSLY) I'm... I'm talking to Beethoven." "No, I'm the one doing all the talking and you're just standing there with the dopey look on your face." "Now, are you gonna help Mason save Christmas, or what?" "(knocking) Hey." "If we're gonna get that magic toy bag back to Santa in time, we better get going." "You believe me?" "Mason," "I am so sorry if I haven't been there for you." "After your dad died, I was just so scared, you know?" "Scared of what?" "Not being able to be a mom and a dad." "I guess by trying to be both, I stopped being either." "Well, I'm sorry, too." "Because I didn't think about how hard it was for you." "I'll try to remember that next time you need me to help you out with something." "But hey, it's always hardest around the holidays, right?" "Yeah, that's right." "All right." "Let's get going." "What are we waiting for?" "Beethoven told me that your little elf friend really is in jail." "Jail?" "You're not gonna get away with this, whoever you are." "And when Santa finds out who you are, oh, you are gonna be in so much trouble, mister." "I am talking "naughty list" for life." "I want to press charges." "I want to throw the book at him, or Kindle." "Whatever's available." "Hey!" "Will you just give me the bag back?" "Look, where is your Christmas spirit?" "So, are we done here?" "Uh, yes, sir, Mr. Smirch." "Merry Christmas." "What?" "Oh." "Uh..." "Ditto." "Can you at least give it back when it runs out?" "What did you say?" "The bag, will you consider giving it back to me after the toys run out?" "Uh... I'll just humor him, you know." "Perhaps he'll slip up and say something we can use against him." "What's this all about, elfy?" "When exactly will the bag run out?" "I don't know." "But at the rate you're going, probably soon." "The elves only made enough toys for one year." "Only made enough?" "Oh, that's right." "You little creeps actually made all those toys." "(LAUGHS)" "Officer, I have decided not to press charges." "What?" "You have?" "Yes." "After all it is Christmas." "In fact, I think I'd like to offer this strangely dressed young fellow a ride home." "(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)" "christine:" "Excuse me." "We need to bail out an, um..." "Elf." "Sorry, he's already gone." "That guy who owns the toy store decided not to press charges after all." "Even gave him a ride home, too." "Mom, he's got to be up to something." "Let's go." "Beethoven says, "Yes." l know." "I don't get it, boss." "Why are we leaving again?" "Because now that we have the elf, we have all we'll ever need to make money for the rest of our lives." "No, no, no, no." "I don't actually know how to make toys." "I explained this to you." "This is just a costume." "I picked it up at the Halloween store... I'm not talking about you." "I am talking about this elf." "This real Christmas elf." "(MUFFLED screaming)" "You're saying that's a real Christmas elf?" "No wonder his costume is so good." "But wait." "We're kidnapping him?" "Yes." "Don't you see?" "He is even better than the bag." "That is going to run out." "But he will be able to make us all the inventory we'll ever need forever." "Kenny, give a man a bowl of rice and you feed him for a day." "But give him an elf who can make rice and then we steal the elf, we eat forever." "Look, I'm telling you, I don't know how to make toys, okay?" "The one time I tried, it was a disaster." "Right." "A Christmas elf who does not know how to make toys." "That's a good one." "(GROANS) Santa was right." "Maybe I am better at... (MUFFLED screaming)" "But, boss, if that's a real Christmas elf, then that must be Santa's actual magic toy bag." "Boss, this isn't right." "We shouldn't be doing this." "Kenny, haven't I always steered you right?" "Eat a good breakfast, Kenny." "Wear your warm hat, Kenny." "Don't eat the yellow snow, Kenny." "Hold it right there, Smirch." "(BEETHOVEN BARKS) I believe you have some things that don't belong to you." "Yes, I do." "And I'm not giving them back." "Cover me, Kenny." "(GRUNTlNG)" "(BEETHOVEN barking)" "Now you see him." "No, no, no, no." "(laughing evilly)" "Now you don't." "Henry!" "Mom, I got it!" "Come on, Kenny." "(LAUGHS triumphantly)" "(LAUGHS triumphantly)" "Okay, come on, we gotta get him." "(engine sputtering) I hate Christmas." "What are we gonna do?" "Two words, run." "(BEETHOVEN barking)" "Come on!" "(UPBEAT christmas music playing)" "Boss!" "Boss!" "I don't wanna be a part of this anymore." "Shut up." "Ha!" "Oh, Santa, just what I always wanted." "How did you..." "(LAUGHS)" "No, I want the red one." "All right." "Look, we've gone too far this time." "I mean, stealing old mattresses is one thing, but stealing Christmas is another." "Kenny, you're fired!" "Oh, yeah?" "Fine!" "I'm going back to Boca Raton!" "Only could you forward my mail to my mother's house?" "Move it, monkey." "Out of my way!" "(BEEPlNG HORN)" "Coming through!" "Look out!" "Get away, kid, you bother me!" "Move it or lose it!" "Mommy!" "(screaming)" "(CROWD GASPS)" "(siren wailing)" "dispatcher:" "Suspect Smirch wanted for toy theft last spotted near the Beethoven float." "Be alert, suspect is stupid and dangerous." "WOMAN:" "is he all right?" "MAN:" "Yeah." "You again?" "(cracking)" "(screaming)" "(ALL exclaim)" "Ha!" "Okay, that was awesome." "It actually was." "There's the bag." "(MUFFLED screaming)" "Anybody hurt?" "Man, you know this thing has a lot less room than you think." "Now I recognize you." "You're that thief who sold me an overpriced mattress three months ago." "Uh, sorry, not me." "Must have been another, uh, Christmas ball." "(LAUGHS)" "The guy is nuts." "Grab him." "policeman:" "Ha!" "We finally got you, Smirch." "I gotta go." "This parade is really starting to rain on my parade." "Sorry, Mom." "I know this float was really important to your job." "(stammering) And I'm sorry, too, Mrs. Cooper." "Um... I really appreciate all that you've done for me." "Christine, there you are." "I heard there was an accident." "Oh, good heavens, no." "Not the big ball." "I'm so sorry, Mr. Rexford." "But I'm afraid it's not gonna be..." "MASON:" "Anything you expected." "It's gonna be better." "Yeah it's a..." "My mom's been working on a new idea and it's gonna be cooler and more appropriate for Beethoven." "REXFORD:" "is that so?" "Well then, Christine, what have you been up to?" "You're just gonna have to wait and see the parade." "Yep." "It's gonna be great." "(marching BAND playing)" "(CROWD cheering)" "ANNOUNCER:" "And now, please give a warm welcome to your Grand Marshal, superstar dog, Beethoven." "In partnership with the ASPCA," "Beethoven would like to send you all a message this Christmas." "Rescue a pet from a shelter and give someone a home for the holidays." "And please become a monthly donor to the ASPCA today." "MASON:" "Beethoven!" "Ah!" "Another partnership between Beethoven and the ASPCA." "Now that's what I call a "Win-win-win."" "(CHUCKLES) Good work, Cooper." "I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times," "Christmas isn't all about glitz and glamour and presents." "It's about goodwill, and helping your fellow man... (barking)" "...and dog." "Thank you, Mr. Rexford." "But I can't take all the credit." "It's Mason's idea to include the animals from the shelter." "Really?" "Apparently the talent runs pretty deep in your family." "Well, I think it's safe to say, Christine, that you have got that promotion." "Oh, thank you." "Thank you, Mr. Rexford." "I can't take it." "Unless it means that I can spend more time at home with my son." "Well, now that you think of it, that probably wouldn't be the worst thing for our company either." "(REXFORD LAUGHS) I tell you what, you tell me what schedule you want to work on, and I promise you, we'll arrange it." "Thank you, Mr. Rexford." "Thank you." "Thank you so much for your help on this." "Tell you what, tomorrow why don't we go down and pick you up one of those MegaStations?" "Huh. (CHUCKLES)" "Actually, Mom, I've decided that there are more constructive uses of my time." "Like maybe taking care of a dog." "What do you say?" "Keep him?" "Thought you didn't like dogs." "(LAUGHS) I didn't think so either, but he chose me." "Welcome to the family, little guy." "Thanks, Mom." "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas, baby." "Hey, guys, do you think that we can get me back to the North Pole?" "My bells are still on the line here." "Oh!" "Yeah." "Um..." "Yeah." "(GRUNTS)" "You think you can make it back in this?" "Yeah, I mean it looks fine, but one problem." "Who's supposed to fly it?" "(BEETHOVEN BARKS)" "BEETHOVEN:" "Come on, elf." "HENRY:" "The magic berries." "If they can make a reindeer fly, then they can make a dog fly." "(BEETHOVEN BARKS)" "Well, so long, Mason." "I just want to thank you so much for helping me find Santa's toy bag." "Couldn't have done it without you, man." "And I wanna thank you for something else, too." "What's that?" "(sighs)" "For helping me see that Santa was right about me." "You know, I am a stable elf." "And different or not, I wouldn't wanna be anything else." "No problem, Henry." "And I guess I should thank you for something, too." "Thanks for making me realize that believing in Santa Claus is definitely not a little kid thing." "I am gonna need some time for the tooth fairy and Easter Bunny, though." "Yeah, all right." "Merry Christmas." "All right." "Merry Christmas." "(STRAY LAUGHS)" "You ready, Beethoven?" "Onward." "(laughing) STRAY:" "Goodbye, big fella." "Goodbye!" "Merry Christmas." "christine:" "Merry Christmas." "(laughing)" "christine:" "Bye, Beethoven." "BEETHOVEN:" "Hold on." "Coming home, here we go." "MASON:" "See you later, Beethoven." "Merry Christmas, guys." "BEETHOVEN:" "Merry Christmas." "So what are you gonna name him?" "I think I'm gonna name him after someone who really helped us out this Christmas." "Hey, what do you think of the name Henry or Hank for short?" "BEETHOVEN:" "So long." "HENRY: (laughing) Merry Christmas!" "NARRATOR:" "In the end, Santa made all his deliveries, and the holiday hit no further snag." "Though it's important to point out that the best gifts received that year came not from his bag." "For little Hank, it was a home, and a happy one at that." "For Henry, it was a calling he would never give back." "For Christine and Mason, it was something enduring and true, the gift of a healing that was long overdue." "And as for our old friend Beethoven, it was the thanks of one very grateful elf." "As well as a special ride home from the big man himself." "Merry Christmas, one and all." "Humanity has been saved!" "A helpless child's ski-board is now back in his arms." "Oh, joy!" "Oh, rapture!" "Merry Christmas!" "(exclaims) I was wrong again!" "People are crooks!" "They took my new ski-board!" "Oh, the inhumanity of it all!"