"[thunder crashing] [drilling, sawing] [electricity crackling]" "It's alive!" " On three." " Whatever; just aim for my head." "One!" "Two!" "Wait, "aim for my head"?" "Just do it, already!" "Dude, are you okay?" "You're the first person that's bothered to ask." "[sobbing]" "All right, students, spells ready!" "Begin!" "Miss Granger." "Orchideous!" "Mr. Potter." "Orchideous!" "Mr. Longbottom." "Orc-- uh..." "Orc-- uh..." "Orc-hoo-dious." "[chomp!" "]" "Oh!" "Oh, dear!" "Oh, my God!" "Neville!" "[chomp!" "]" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, dear!" "[screeching]" "What happened?" "His spell!" "He was only off by one syllable!" "Ah, yes." "The spells "orchideous" and "orchoodious" are very similar." "Do be careful." "[school bell rings]" "Finally, add two drops of Wolfsbane extract to your potion." "I hope everyone understands." "Well?" "What are you waiting for?" "Usually we don't start until you insult Harry." "Am I so predictable?" "Very well." "Potter, you fool." "Well, bottoms up!" "[gulp!" "]" "Ron, how many drops of Wolfsbane extract did you use?" "Uh, like three." "[screaming] [splat!" "]" "Professor Snape, what happened?" "Used too much Wolfsbane extract, looks like." "He used one extra drop!" "That margin for error is pretty bloody slim!" "This spell was supposed to change our eye color!" "Why would we risk exploding skulls just to change our eye color?" "Uh..." "Potter, you fool." "[school bell rings]" "Well, it's understandable." "We're teaching children a deadly art, after all." "It's like trying to teach cats how to disarm landmines." "Uh..." "Where are all the students?" "[hip-hop music playing] [car alarm blaring]" "Hey..." "Where's Hermione?" "[laughs] We all called her a slut on Facebook!" "Children, I have some sad news." "Her-my-one Granger hung herself." "[record scratches] [all laughing]" "What can I get y'all to drink?" " I'll have a Dasani." " Fiji for me." "One Evian, please." "I'll take a beer and three new fucking friends, please." "Oh, my gosh." "That's Betty Crocker!" "How long are you gonna keep duckin' me?" "How long are you gonna keep calling that cheesecake tasty, Sara Lee?" "Hope you saved room for dessert." "I got some piping-hot beatdowns topped with a fresh ass whooping!" "You feeling hungry?" "Take a taste." "Fuck!" "A taste?" "I want the whole pie!" "[growls]" "Your hits taste like your poundcake-- Weak and store-bought!" "Oh, this cake has some layers." "Be sure and try the crust!" "You like this, cocksucker?" "'Cause nobody!" "Doesn't!" "Like!" "Sara!" "Lee!" "Ooh, this thing's so sweet, it's got to be fattening!" "[whispers indistinctly]" "What was that, bleedy fucker?" "You and Betty Crocker can..." "Bake someone happy!" "[screams]" "♪ Everybody loves her ♪" "♪ Sara Lee ♪ [panting] [clinking]" "I's in town, honey." "Next time, you dance with your ol' Aunt Jemima." "[laughs] [gunshots]" "You're going to have to go get that for me." "Have you ever thought about using" "I'm not getting a fucking boomerang, so just drop it!" "You're terminated!" "Yeah, that's what I'll say." "What?" "!" "[crunch!" "]" "[whirring]" "Wow, look at the gams on her!" "Now, that's what I call a set of stems!" "Honey, if you're not a model, you are wasting your life!" "She's got a look, I'll give you that." "But does she have "it"?" "Oh, you're hired." "You're terminated, fucker." "[sighs] That was unduly harsh." "Our cleanup efforts from the oil spill continue, but the real problem is capping this oil leak." "No, wait, scratch that." "The real problem is figuring out how to spend this quarter's profits!" "[all cheering] [buzzer]" "I'm sorry, sir!" "I tried to stop him, but" "Shirley?" "Never mind, sir." "He was actually pretty easy to stop." "I just tripped him, and I think he twisted his ankle or something." "Are you all right?" "Just fine." "Hang on a second." "Okay." "Aquaman would like to make an appointment." " Check my book." " Checking, sir." "Okay." "[muffled] Mr. Aquaman, is Tuesday after 4:00 P.M. okay for you, or-- [normal voice] Oh, drat." "Sorry, sir, this time he really did get past me." "Ah, the sub-mariner, I presume?" "Don't play games with me, you corporate monster!" "Your oil spill is killing the sea creatures I hold dear!" "All right." "So how can I help you?" "You can go to jail, you scum!" "Well, the federal courts already assessed a fine, which we paid." "You" "You can go to jail anyway!" "But the case is settled." "Oh." "So are you, uh, here to kick my ass or...?" "Yes!" "Maybe!" "Well, probably not, no." "So I'm not going to jail, you're not going to kick my ass," " and I already paid the fine." " You killed a lot of sea life." "I did." "I'm sorry." "[ting!" "]" "[groans]" "Good news, everybody." "The oil company paid a fine!" "To who?" "Um..." "You want me to find out?" "Ohh, can you maybe suck up all this oil since you suck so fucking hard?" "Was that rhetorical or do you want me to" " Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Oh, my gosh!" "Ow!" "That does-- [crack!" "] Ow!" "Ow!" "[crying] Ow!" "Get ready for the sweet release!" "♪ So you're dining with the beast ♪" "♪ That doesn't mean you shouldn't feast ♪" "♪ Let us handle reservations ♪" "♪ Give your taste buds a sensation ♪" "♪ Have your fill, eat more still ♪" "♪ There's no need to slow your pace ♪" "♪ After dinner you'll be thinner once you sit down on my face ♪" "♪ So have seconds, eat a lot ♪" "♪ Then come meet your chamber pot ♪" " We are trying to serve dinner!" " What?" "Defaccachi doesn't get to sing along?" "I'm a person, too." "Defaccachi didn't ask to be a chamber pot." "None of us asked to be stuck in the forms of household items, but people are eating!" "So Defaccachi only useful after a dinner, eh?" "I got to live a solitary existence punctuated by people" " pooping in my" " I said, people are eating." "[mumbling in italian]" "Okay, let's just get through this dinner so the beast can bang this bitch and" " Belle?" "Where did Belle go?" "!" "♪ Ring a bell ♪" "♪ Sound a horn ♪" "♪ Looks like someone's eaten corn ♪" "Does everything have to be a fucking song?" "!" "[humming] [knock on door]" "Hey, there." "I'm Della." "Oh, yes." "Ah, yes." "Ah, come in." "[chuckles nervously]" "I'll be right out." "I like to take care of business up front." "Oh, uh, okay." "How much uh, for, um, a half-and-half?" "Oh, somebody's done this before." "[chuckles]" "No, I-I just read about it on the internet." "Just put $300 on the nightstand." "Let's party." "Holy fuck!" "You're a duck!" "That's right, baby." "Now, why don't you ruffle my feathers?" "Why are you a duck?" "!" "Oh, my God!" "[laughs] I'm what you ordered." "I did not order a duck!" "Well, I'm not sure how they could have misunderstood that request." "Oh, gee!" "I wonder what word an escort service might have mistaken for "duck"" "on a bad cellphone connection!" "Well, fine, but you are still gonna have to pay me for my time." "Uh, I don't know why I need to pay to not fuck a cartoon duck!" "Normally not fucking a fucking duck is fucking free!" "[sighs] [dialing]" "We got a problem." "Who are you" "We got some sort of problem?" "Look, I-I don't want any trouble." "I just think the misunderstanding was on your end." " Just pay the duck." " No!" "It's not fair!" "I shouldn't have to pay" "Yeah!" "Whip his ass, Desmond!" "Whip his ass!" "Mr. Phillipson, what's all the commotion?" "Whoa, stop!" "Security!" " Hey!" " Whoa!" "You got a gun, I got a gun." "Now what?" "L-let's all just relax." "You relax!" "[gunshot] [splat!" "]" "[splat!" "]" "[splat!" "]" "Hey, get off of my gun, bitch!" "[gunshot] [gunshot] [splat!" "]" "[gunshot]" "♪ Duck, duck, duck, duck party ♪" "♪ Hoo-hoo-hoo ♪" "Fuck you!" "[gunshots] [screams]" "Uncle Donald?" "Huh?" "What?" "We said, "When can we go home?"" "Gee, Uncle Donald, we really miss our mom." "Yeah, when can we see her again?" "Oh, I don't know, boys." "I just don't know."