"SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE" " Nice!" " An ideal family portrait," "Look into the camera, please," "Great!" "How about giving us a smile?" "Let's see some happy faces, You too, Mother, Great!" "Mind your hair!" "There we have it." " That should do it, right?" " Yes, I think so." " We've finished with the girls." " You've been so good!" " Bye-bye!" " They were good as gold..." "How about some shots of the parents on the sofa?" "Lean forward, you're sliding too far back." "That's it!" " I'll try and make myself small." " Talk to each other." "Marianne, turn your eyes slightly towards us..." "Look as if you were fond of each other..." "There, like that." "Hold that pose!" "Great..." " That's it." "Thank you very much." " Good!" "We'll need some portraits later." "Well then, let's start, shall we?" "I always begin with a standard question, to soothe the nerves." " I'm not particularly nervous." " Good." "The question is:" "How would you describe yourselves in a few words?" " That's not an easy one." " Not all that difficult, surely?" " I may be misunderstood." " Really?" "It may sound conceited to say I'm highly intelligent, youthful, successful, sensible, sexy and I care about the world we live in." "I'm educated, well-read and a good mixer." "Let's see..." "I'm a good friend even to people who are worse off than myself." "I'm good at sports." "I'm a good husband and a good son." "I have no debts and I pay my taxes." "I respect our government, no matter what it does." "I love our royal family." "I've left the state church." " Shall I go on?" " Please." " I'm a splendid lover." " Perhaps we can skip that question." "What about you, Marianne?" "Well, what shall I say?" "I'm married to Johan and I have two daughters..." " That's all I can think of..." " Come on, think harder." " I think Johan is awfully nice..." " How kind of you." " We've been married for 10 years." " We've just renewed our contract." "Unlike Johan, I lack the ability to see myself in such glowing terms, but in all honesty, I'm glad I'm able to lead the life I do." "It's a good life, if you know what I mean." "What else?" "My, this is difficult..." " She has a nice figure." " I'm trying to be serious." " I have two girls, Karin and Eva." " You've already said that." "How about some personal data?" "Let's start with your ages." " I'm 42, but I don't look it." " I'm 35." "Both of us come from obscenely middle-class homes." " Johan's father is a doctor." " And my mother is the motherly type." "My father is a lawyer." "It was decided from the outset that I was to be a lawyer too." "I'm the youngest of seven children." "Mother ran a big household." " Nowadays, she takes it easy." " Oh, does she?" "Oddly enough, we get on with our parents." "We see a lot of each other." "There's never been any friction to speak of." "Let's talk about your professions." "Mine is a bit unusual." "I'm an associate professor at the Institute of Psychotechnology." "Family law is my specialty." "I belong to a large firm of solicitors." "Most of my work concerns divorce, but the interesting thing is..." "Hold that pose!" "Take a picture, I want to capture that expression." "Good!" " My, I feel so..." " It will pass." " Tell me, how did you meet?" " I'll leave that to Johan." " Lord, that is interesting!" " It wasn't love at first sight." "We both had a large circle of friends and ran into each other often." "We were also both involved in politics for several years and we went in for amateur dramatics quite a lot as students." "Well, I can't say we made any deeper impression on each other." "Marianne thought I was stuck-up." "Johan had a rather highly publicized affair with a pop singer which gave him a certain image and made him insufferable." "Marianne was 19." "She was married to a fool whose only saving grace was a rich father." "He was very kind and I was madly in love with him." "Besides, I got pregnant early on in the relationship." " But how was it that..." " That the two of us joined forces?" "That was actually Marianne's idea." "My baby died soon after birth and my husband and I divorced, to our mutual relief." "And Johan's singer had given him his walking papers." "We were both a bit hurt and lonely, so I suggested making a go of it." "We weren't in love at all, but we were both downhearted." "And then we found out that we got along very well and we really buckled down to our studies." "We moved in together, a situation our mothers actually took in their stride." "In fact, they became good friends." "We were accepted as Johan and Marianne." "After six months we got married." " By then we were in love as well." " Very much so!" " We were seen as an ideal couple." " And that's still the case." " No complications?" " We've never had material worries." "We're on good terms with friends and relations on both sides." "We have good jobs that we enjoy." "We're healthy." "And so on, to an almost vulgar degree." "Security, order, loyalty..." "We're almost indecently lucky." "Naturally, we have our differences, just like other people." "But we agree on all the key issues." " Don't you ever quarrel?" " Marianne does." "Johan is very slow to anger, so I run out of steam." "This all sounds wonderful." "All of it." "Only last night someone was saying that the very lack of problems is a serious problem." "We are well aware that a life like ours can be dangerous." "How do you mean, dangerous?" "The world is going to hell." "I claim the right to mind my own business." "Live and let live, that's my motto." "It sickens me to hear about the latest panacea." " I don't agree with Johan." " So, what's your opinion?" " I believe in compassion." " Please elaborate on that." "If people learned to care about each other in childhood, the world would be a different place." "Hold that pose!" "Look into the camera, please." "Listen to this:" """Marianne's eyes, blue as an old folk song, are lit up from within."" "When asked how she copes with a job and a household, she smiles with shy delight" ""and replies that she and Johan help each other."That's true."" """We understand each other, she says,"" "brightening as Johan sits down beside her on their heirloom sofa." ""He puts a protective arm around her and she snuggles up to him.""" " Hey!" " This is the best bit!" """So I leave, noticing that they seem pleased at the prospect"" "that they can once more be alone together." "Two people who have matured:" "strong, happy and positive." ""People who have never forgotten to give love pride of place"."" " We almost died when we read it." " I was going to file a complaint." "But our mothers and our daughters simply loved the article." "What really riles me is that it says nothing about my eyes." " Isn't there a secret glow in them?" " They're more like dark pools." " Very sexy, actually." " Katarina has a crush on you." " Johan, will you elope with me?" " A change would do Johan good." "He's been so good for 10 years and has never been unfaithful." "Are you sure?" "I believe everything Johan says." " Did you hear that, Katarina?" " Johan is a better liar than you." " But I have no imagination." " That's just it." " It makes you a better liar." " Peter tarts up his stories." "At times I really find it touching." "I read your article in Technical Times." "Even I could understand it." " Actually, Katarina wrote it." " Are you that clever?" "You see, I was in Germany and they wanted an article on the spot." "So Katarina wrote it and read it to me on the phone." " But why did it have your by-line?" " It's not discrimination." " We collaborate." " That's admirable." "You wouldn't say that if you knew the details." "Things are rotten between us." "Cheers, Katarina, my poppet!" "Cheers..." "Does it bother you that I speak freely to Johan and Marianne?" " What is it, Katarina?" " Nothing." "Nothing at all." "Only Peter can be so damn clumsy sometimes." "Clumsy is the right word..." "I take pride in being clumsy..." "and imaginative." "The funny thing is that according to Katarina," "I am nothing but a spineless jellyfish." " Jellyfish?" "Now you're talking." " Let's try to enjoy ourselves now." "Exactly, because we mustn't forget..." "I'm making a thank-you speech now." "Bearing in mind that fabulous magazine article reminding us that we are in a happy home that we must not soil with emotional rubbish." "Cheers, Marianne!" "I may not envy your domestic bliss but I envy your talent as a cook." "No, I really mean that." "I wish Katarina would learn to cook like that." "Katarina is a much better cook." " Peter says I poison the food." " It's a standing joke in our house." " Right, it's obviously a joke." " One that's seen better days." "Well, let's go into the drawing room and have coffee." "Well, Johan, what am I to do?" "I've put my foot in it again." "The girls will clear the table." " It's all too bloody touching." " What is?" "Your marriage." "Johan and Marianne..." "It can move a person to tears." "In fact, it makes you want to stick a pin into your beautiful balloon." " So would you?" " Cheers to you both!" " It's been 10 years, right?" " We just had our 10th anniversary." " No skeletons in the cupboard?" " You never know." " Both Johan and I like tidying up." " You hear that, Katarina?" "That's where you and I have been remiss..." "We never clean things up." "But next week I'll call Marianne and make an appointment, so she can get started on our divorce." "Peter will have changed his mind by the time he's sober." "That's when the calculator starts running." ""This is what he says:" ""I'll agree to a divorce,"" ""if Katarina gives up her claim to our assets in Switzerland.""" ""And my reply is:" ""But it's my money, I've earned it.""" "Then Peter will say he has multiplied it and I can have the whole factory." "Then I say, that's nice of you to let me have a factory in Italy - that gets more risky with every rise in labour costs." """ " But Katarina, I've said..." " "Take the whole set-up in Sweden."" "The apartment, the country house, the boat, the car," ""the shares and the premium bonds."Isn't that nice?"" "I get all the taxable stuff!" "Excuse me for going on about such trivial matters, but when Peter gets started on assets, I know how drunk he is." " And the insults aren't far off." " That's what I've said all along." "Katarina is a businessman, with equal stress on both words." "A businessman..." "In addition to which, she's a brilliant artist and she has an IQ of I don't know what." "She's attractive as well." "She's a paragon, and gift-wrapped to boot." "How I ever got lucky with that monster of perfection is a mystery." "I really think we'll ring for a taxi and go home now." "This can't be pleasant for Johan and Marianne..." "No..." "Johan and Marianne?" "They're candy figurines decorated with red ribbons." "Just like the marzipan pigs of our childhood." "It's good for their moral fibre, to gaze into the bottomless pits of hell." "August Strindberg once wrote:" """Is there anything more fearsome"" ""than a husband and wife who hate each other?""" "What do you say?" "Maybe child abuse is even worse." "But then Katarina and I are children." "Deep down, Katarina is a little girl who is crying because she has fallen down and no one comforts her." "And I haven't grown up either." "I cry because Katarina can't love me, in spite of my bad behaviour." "There's one thing to be grateful for." "That there is nothing more hellish than this." "That's why we're ready for a divorce." "Provided you listen to reason." "Provided we simultaneously, in each other's presence and in front of reliable witnesses, sign all the papers." "So no one can stiff the other." " We'll call you up this week." " We have a great business lawyer." "Borglund can help you with the financial arrangements." "What do you say?" "Even if we agree on money matters, you'll never let me go." "I'm convinced of that." "You think you're that bloody indispensable, my dear Katarina?" "Whatever gave you that idea?" "Do tell me..." "Tell us." "You force me to have sex, since you can't get it up with other women." "Your need of a guilty conscience knows no bounds." "Now that it's all over with Jan I expect you're in a panic." "You're stuck with old Peter." "He has the right patience." "So you think you're the only one, do you?" "How touching..." "You think there are no others." "Let me tell you one thing, Peter..." "Please excuse me if I'm rather outspoken, but Peter is asking for it and he needs to be enlightened." "I'll tell you this, Peter..." "You nauseate me so much in a physical sense... that I'd buy myself a lay just to wash you out of my sex organs." """Abide with me, fast falls the eventide"" ""The darkness deepens, Lord with me abide...""" "You son of a bitch!" """When other helpers fail and comforts flee"" ""Help of the helpless, Oh, abide with me.""" "Whatever that's supposed to mean..." "I hope there won't be any stains on the carpet." "I don't know about liqueur..." "Why don't you bill me?" "Do as I say!" "Would you mind pouring me a cup of coffee?" "I'm pretty sloshed." "Forgive us." "We don't usually behave like this." "But you're our best friends." "You're our only friends." "Forgive me..." "Forgive us." "If you ring for a cab," "I'll take my bacchante home and we'll finish our little scene." "The finale is usually not suitable for an audience." " What's the time?" " Ten past twelve." " Thank goodness we got rid of them." " Yes, things got a bit out of hand." "Do you believe it's possible for a couple to be partners for life?" "It's an absurd convention." "Marriage should be a five-year contract." " Or be subject to annual renewal." " What about us?" "No, we're the exception that proves the rule." " So you think we'll stay together?" " What a funny question." "Are you ever sorry you can't sleep with anyone else?" " No, are you?" " At times." " Well, I'll be damned!" " It's a purely theoretical longing." "I wonder if there's something wrong with me, I never feel like that." " I'm content." " So am I. Now I've got it!" "Katarina and Peter go through hell because they don't communicate." "They have to translate everything they mean into a common language." " I think it's simpler than that." " We understand each other instantly." "We speak the same language, that's why we're doing fine." "I think it's the money." "If you speak the same language, money is not an issue." " You and your languages." " I see it all the time at work." "Sometimes it's as if the couple are talking on bad telephone lines." "Sometimes it's like listening to two pre-programmed tape recorders and sometimes it's the utter silence of outer space." " I don't know which is the worst." " I don't know..." "Supposing the kids went to day care while we worked shifts at a factory?" " It wouldn't matter." " I think it would." "If you speak the same language, it doesn't matter where you are." "That's a romantic view." "Do you think our relationship would suffer if we lived that kind of life?" " Yes, I do." "Seriously." " It would diminish our relationship?" ""Regardless of our"language"."" "Isn't the danger of estrangement just as great in the life we lead?" "Definitely not." "Hard, tedious labour exposes people to much greater strain." "You're sillier than I thought and you're taking the romantic view." " We'll see." " What?" "What will we see?" " I don't know, do you?" " Are you teasing me?" " Aren't you hungry?" " Yes, terribly." "How about some beer and sandwiches?" "Sounds marvellous." "THE ART OF SWEEPING MATTERS UNDER THE RUG" " Good morning." " Good morning." " Did you sleep well?" " Like a log and you?" "Well, I woke up at 5 o'clock and couldn't get back to sleep again." " Why not?" " I got all worked up." " Should I feel guilty?" " No." "For once you're not to blame, dear." "I lay fuming about that wretched Sunday dinner." "We always have Sunday dinner with your parents or mine." " It's absurd." " It's for their sake." " I'm going to cancel dinner." " Cancel it?" " What will your mother say?" " Whatever she damned well likes." "I want to spend Sunday with you and the kids." " Well, if you can swing that...!" " I certainly can!" "I'm fed up..." " Is it the curse?" " You always say that!" "Even if my period's due on Monday, that may not be why I'm edgy." " What's wrong?" " Has it ever struck you that our life is mapped out and every last second is accounted for?" " But we have our vacations." " They're even more scheduled." " Aren't you going to wake the girls?" " They're sleeping in today." "Karin has the day off from school and Eva has a sore throat." "She needs to come along on Sunday to spare us from nagging!" " You were going to cancel dinner." " I'd rather you did it." "Oh no, I'm not making excuses to your mother!" "Aren't you going to call your mother?" "She's an early bird." " Didn't we agree you would call?" " No, dear." "I'll hold your hand in moral support." "All right, I'll do it..." " My, my heart's pounding!" " The first sign of the great revolt." "No answer?" "What a relief!" "Hello." "Miss Alm?" "Is my mother in?" "May I have a word with her?" "How is your knee, by the way?" "Oh, it's not any better?" "It's worse?" "That's too bad..." "What does the doctor say?" "He's not sympathetic, you say?" "It's a sign of the times." "Hello, Mother." "How are you?" "Now isn't that nice." "Has Dad left yet?" "Right, he was going to the country." "So you let him go off on his own like that?" "Oh, Erik is with him." "That's good." "I'm sorry, but there's something I have to tell you..." "Exactly, how did you guess?" "What reasons do we have?" "I simply want to spend Sunday with Johan and the girls." "No, we're not going anywhere." "We just don't want to come over for dinner." "I don't think for a moment that dad was looking forward to Sunday." "It should be a pleasure and not a duty, right?" "Yes, I see." "I see." "You hadn't told me that bit of news." "Bored stiff, to be quite honest." "No, forget all about it, Mother." "We'll be there." "Yes, we'll manage." "It's fine." "We're looking forward to it." "Bye for now, Mother dear." "The revolution was smothered at birth." "Aunt Elsa is coming and she was so looking forward to seeing us." " She has a present for you." " And Mrs Danielsson is cooking." " And your dad longed to see us." " Damnation!" "I admire your courage all the same." "We'll say no another time." "Don't be upset." " Will you be home for dinner?" " No, meet me at the theatre." "Don't you like coming home any more?" "My, aren't we in a fine mood today?" "I'd love to stay in bed for a week, so we could just hold each other." " And we'd both have a good cry." " That's not the life we chose." "If only I could be sure we chose it and not our mothers." "You're suffering from a maternal persecution complex." " Did you want a life like this?" " No." "What if we started cheating on each other?" "What would you do then?" "Kill you, of course." " Sometimes I wish..." " What?" "Nothing..." " Wait a second, I'll come with you." " Why not take your own car?" "We can go home together after the play." " What about the girls?" " I'll ask Miss Andersson to cook." "She makes fabulous pancakes." "I'll go wake the girls." " But I'm in a hurry." " It'll only take a minute." "While I remember it, please pay your parking tickets." " There's a whole pile here." " Yes, sir." "I'll see you tonight at the theatre." "Hello?" "Yes, speaking." "Hello, Mother." "The line is bad, I didn't recognise your voice." "I'm fine, how are you?" "You're worried." "Now, why is that?" "Marianne's mother called and she's worried as well, you say." "Good Lord..." "No, Marianne and I are doing fine." "We're healthy and cheerful and ecstatically happy." "Nothing's wrong, I swear!" "Don't worry, Mother dear." "Your intuition?" "It's led you astray." "Marianne and I are happier than ever." "Tell Marianne's mother that you should do something more constructive than gossip." "I'm pressed for time, Mother dear." "Yes, I'll see you soon." "We'll pop in on Friday, just like we said." "Say hello to dad." "Hell and damnation!" "Am I disturbing you?" "I just had to see what you're up to." "A lot of rumours are floating around." "What is all this mysterious stuff?" " Shouldn't you be in Lund?" " That's right." "However the students are demonstrating." "The lectures were cancelled." " What's this going to be?" " Take a look." " What am I supposed to do?" " Hold this pen." "When I put the lights out you'll see a bright dot on the wall." "Try and touch it with the pen." "If you miss, draw a line to it." "The TV camera will register your efforts." " But it's dark." " There's infra light." "I'll watch on the monitor outside." "I'll put the lights out now." "Off you go." "Get to it." " Are you pulling my leg?" " No, please continue." "But..." "It keeps moving." "It's not a trick, it's quite still." "I've had enough of this." "Turn the lights on." "Well, aren't you cross?" " That was unpleasant..." " Yes, it makes people nervous." "Look how you've wandered, getting more and more irritated." " What does that prove?" " That remains to be seen." " I'd like a cigarette." " Sure." "Have a seat." "I gave up smoking six days ago." "It's awful." " Having withdrawal symptoms?" " Stefan is away..." "My friends avoid me, but I'll try and stick it out." "Go on, have one." "That spy Bromeus left some here." "Oh, that's heaven!" " Lord, what bliss!" " Well?" "Right..." "I spent the day reading your poems yesterday." "Very carefully." " They baffled me." " Were they so strange?" "That's not it." "Well, I might be wrong..." " Has Marianne read them?" " No, she's not interested in poetry." " She ought to be interested in you." " She is, but not in that way." "Really?" "You and I are old friends." "We've never been sexually involved." "You can provide an objective opinion before I try the publishers." " I shouldn't bother." " Are they that bad?" "It's not that they're bad if only that was the case." "You mean they're mediocre?" "They're insipid, neat, and puerile?" "That I'm indulging in spiritual masturbation?" "Several of us in our set believed you were destined for greatness." "We admired you." "You left us all behind." "We even envied you." " Does that affect my poetry?" " No." " You read it while craving nicotine." " That's true..." "I intend to show them around." "Naturally..." "I'll wait until some publishers tell me they're bad." " You feel offended." " You bet I do!" "I'm sorry." "Well, I know someone who likes them..." " Who would that be?" " Curious, are you?" "My dear little Johan..." "Pay no attention to what I said." "It was just my craving talking." "Well, I must go." "I'll leave the poems at your door." "Give my love to Marianne." "I'll stick to you through thick and thin." "Bye!" "I'll see you around 12:30, then." "Bye." "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting." "During this first encounter, we customarily establish the problem." "I want a divorce." " How long have you been married?" " More than 20 years." " Do you have a profession?" " No, I'm a housewife." "Why do you want a divorce?" "It's a loveless marriage." " Is that your reason?" " Yes." " Has it always been like this?" " Yes, for the full 20 years." "But now you want to break away." "Yes." "My husband is a responsible man." "He's kind and conscientious." "He's been an excellent father." "We've never quarrelled." "We have a nice apartment and a house in the country." "We're both fond of music." "We belong to a chamber music society." " It all sounds ideal." " Yes, doesn't it?" "But there's no love between us, there never has been." "Forgive me for asking, but have you met someone?" "No, I haven't." "What about your husband?" "Not as far as I know." "Won't it be lonely for you?" "I guess so..." "But that's better than living in a loveless marriage." "Have you informed your husband of this?" "Naturally." "15 years ago, I told him" "I didn't want to live with him." "He asked me to wait until the children had grown up." "Now that they've left home," "I can get my divorce." "And what does he say?" "He keeps asking me what is wrong with our marriage." "I tell him I can't go on in a relationship that lacks love." "Then he asks what this love is supposed to consist of." "But I can't describe something that doesn't exist." "Have you been on good terms with your children?" "I've never loved my children." "I know that now..." "I used to think I did." "People do." "But I know now that I never loved them." "I've been a good mother to them all the same." "I've done all I could, even though" "I've never felt anything for them." "I know just what you're thinking:" """She's been overindulged and has no sense of humour."" "She has all she could ever want, but still she moans about love." "There are other qualities:" ""friendship, loyalty, security...""" "Something like that, yes." "Let me tell you something." "I have a mental image of myself, which doesn't correspond to reality." "Forgive a personal question..." "Isn't it so that love..." "What were you going to ask?" "I'm not sure." "Forgive me." "I have the capacity to love." "But it's all been... bottled up." "The life I've led has stifled my potential." "The time has come to change that." "The first step is divorce." "My husband and I block each other in some deadly way." "That sounds frightening." "It is frightening." "Something peculiar is happening." "My senses, sight, hearing, touch are starting to fail me." "This table, for instance," "I can see it and touch it..." "But the sensation is diminished and dry." "Do you understand?" "I think I do." "It's the same with everything - music, scents, faces and voices." "Everything seems... puny, grey and undignified." "Now for a drink and some food." "Sitting through Ibsen on an empty stomach is deadly." "Remember when we joined the May Day procession?" "You were the more fervent believer." "You told me I neglected our home." "That was the winter, we all came down with the Asian flu." " We believed in the future then." " It's nice to believe in something." "And we had the pleasure of annoying our parents." " You were a hothead." " So was your dad." "A pretty hothead." "You were very attractive as a socialist." "Aren't I now?" "Very attractive?" "But married people lose interest in each other." "We haven't." "We're just too busy." "When evening comes around, we're exhausted." "That wasn't a reproach, I promise." " We like each other." " Not in that way." " Oh yes, we do." " Our life is full of evasions." "I can't help not enjoying it as much as I used to." "There's a natural explanation." "You shouldn't reproach me." " Don't get upset." " We have a fine sex life." "We're not as passionate nowadays, but it could be worse." "Sex isn't everything." "If you're not satisfied you'd better find a mistress who is more exciting sexually." " I assure you, I do my best!" " Right..." "You've got that look again." "Tell me what you're brooding about." " You'll only get angry." " No, I'm listening." "Why make sex so complicated?" "It's pretty elementary stuff." "It's become such a sore spot." "It's all your mother's fault." " You're so superficial." " You're a sourpuss!" "You put all the blame on me." " You said you do your best." " I do!" "That's preposterous!" "Are you calling me a liar?" "Then what are you talking about?" "Let's drop this and go to bed." "It's just like you to get me so worked up and then yawn and say it's bedtime." "You suffer from ferocious ambition." "It's something we often joke about, but can't our poor sex life be spared?" "Why won't you leave me alone?" "First you attack me for not trying and later for making the effort." "Now look what I've done!" "Yes, indeed, you have." "Couldn't you be kind instead?" "There, there..." "Don't be upset." "I'm sorry." "It's possible to talk too much about these matters, you know." "I know you shouldn't keep secrets, but in this case the rule is wrong." "There are some things you shouldn't pry into." "We hurt each other to no end and the barbs still remain when we go to bed." "It's like lying on a bed of nails." " What are you laughing at?" " The bed of nails." " It's all very well to laugh." " Let's go to bed." "You've been unbelievably tactless." "I apologise." "Don't I give you enough affection?" "Affection takes time." " Then you don't get enough." " We don't, or give enough either." "That's why I wanted us to go away this summer." "Affection shouldn't be kept for vacations." "You're nice, even if you are a moron." "Lucky I'm married to you." "You're mediocre, but you have your moments of greatness." "At our age, thousands of brain cells burn out every day." " Never to be replaced..." " You must lose a million!" "You're awfully sweet anyway, even if you do scold and fuss." "I'm nearly asleep already." " I'll just go check on the children." " I'm nearly asleep, so don't worry." "Aren't you going to set the alarm?" "You may make love to me now if you like." "Thanks for the offer, but I'm too tired." "Here already?" "I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow." "What a lovely surprise!" "Are you hungry?" "We all went to bed early." "We thought we'd have an early night." "The girls and I have been dieting." " Would you like some sandwiches?" " Sounds good to me." "Or shall I fry you some eggs and ham, or fix some soup?" "No, sandwiches and beer will do fine." "By the way, Peter and Katarina will call you on Monday." "What an ordeal they're having!" "They don't seem able to decide about their divorce." "I told them to get a lawyer each, but they won't." "Listen, change into your pyjamas and I'll bring in a tray." "Sounds nice..." "I was afraid you were angry with me." " Why should I be?" " I was beastly on the phone." "I called back, but you'd pulled out the plug." "I was tired last night." "I'd been with that numbskull from the ministry." "Those bureaucratic idiots in charge of our well-being..." " I still think I behaved badly." " Let's drop the subject." "You never want to finish talking about anything, but this won't take long, dear." "I just wanted to say that you were right, but so am I." "If you don't want to wear a tuxedo, that's your business." " But I've a right to my own opinion." " I hate wearing a tux." "It's a ridiculous outfit." "I feel like a dressed-up chimp." "Let's not start quarrelling." "Tux or no tux, I love you." "A tuxedo is hardly essential to our marriage." " It seemed like that last night." " I said I was wrong." "Watching you eat makes me hungry..." "I need a sandwich." "I'm so hungry, I feel light-headed." "I've lost nearly two kilos this week." "Does it show?" "I can feel it, though." "But it seems pointless at times..." "Why should we grudge ourselves the good things in life?" "Why can't we be fat and cheerful?" "Remember Aunt Miriam and Uncle David?" "They were big, fat and cheerful." "They slept in that double bed of theirs, holding hands." "Content with each other the way they were." "Why can't we be like them, brimming with contentment?" "What's the matter?" "Are you upset?" "Has something happened?" "What's wrong?" "Tell me." "I came here to tell you something." "I've gone and fallen in love." "It's quite absurd and probably all wrong..." "I met her at that congress in June." "She was an interpreter." "She's a student of Slavic languages." "She's nothing much to look at." "You might even think she's ugly." "I've no idea what this will lead to." "I don't know a thing." "I'm bewildered." "On some level I'm happy, but I have one hell of a guilty conscience about you and the girls." "We've always got along so well." "Things have been no better or no worse than in most families." "Say something, for Christ's sake." "I don't know what to say." "It was wrong not to tell you sooner, but I figured I'd get over it." "I didn't want to worry you." "It's funny that I haven't noticed anything." "Everything's been like usual." "Better, in fact." "You've been so sweet." "I've been a silly blind fool." "I didn't understand..." " How mortifying." " No, you haven't understood a thing." "You've never been particularly observant." " Where do we go from here?" " I don't know." "Do you want a divorce?" "Are you going to marry her?" "Why tell me now?" "What's the rush?" "We're leaving for Paris tomorrow." "I want to get away from it all." "I was going this autumn anyway." "Paula has this scholarship and I want to be with her." "I can't make it without her." "So we're leaving tomorrow." "Now that I'm talking to you," "I want to ditch the whole damn thing." "I feel tired and scared." "Nothing could be more ridiculous." "I know just what you're thinking." "How could you know that?" "I'm trying not to feel guilty, which has rather affected me." "Facts are facts, there's nothing to be done." "Let's go to bed." "I expect you need to make an early start." "I have a meeting at nine." "Then we should get some sleep." "Aren't you going to undress?" "You have marks on your chest." "How tactless of you." "Is my grey suit here or in town?" " It's at the cleaners." " What a shame." "Did you want to bring it along?" "Can't you go and pick it up?" "I won't have the time." "I'm busy right up to 3 o'clock." "I can pick it up for you." "I'll do your packing, too." "You're no good at such things." " No, thank you." " Don't be silly..." "I'm a bit conventional." "I think you have all you need here." "There are clean shirts and underwear." "Why don't you travel in your jacket and flannels?" " They give you a youthful air." " Whatever you say..." " How long will you be away?" " It depends." "What do you mean?" "I've taken leave of absence for at least six months." "I'll probably stay away for at least seven or eight months." "I want to make a clean break." " And if I'm not here?" " I couldn't care less." "Do you know how long I've wanted to leave?" "How long I've thought about leaving you?" " Don't tell me!" " Four years!" " I can't take this!" " Empty words..." "What are you going to live on?" "You'll have to pay child support." "Don't worry, I'll manage." "You must have assets I'm not aware of." "That is correct, Marianne." " How is that possible?" " Listen, damn it!" "Even though it's none of your damn business," "I've sold the boat and I've raised a loan." "The bank will pay you and the girls 1,600 krona a month." "We'll make some other arrangement when I return." "Get advice from your colleagues, I don't care." "Name your price!" "I'm not taking a thing apart from my books." "I'll just vanish." "I'll dematerialize." "I'll pay all I can to support you." "All that interests me is to end this." "Do you know what I'm most fed up with?" "All this carping about what we're expected to do and the people we must accommodate." "What will your mother think?" "Hadn't we better ask so-and-so to dinner?" "We have to go here, we have to go there..." "We must celebrate Christmas, Easter, birthdays..." "Every single damn occasion!" " My poor darling..." " I don't want your sympathy!" "Stop pawing me!" "This is pure affectation, my running on like this." "I can't get at the truth about us." "There isn't any one truth." "Whichever way we turn, it hurts." "Please don't go!" " I beg you." " It's no use." "Postpone your trip." "I believe we can save our marriage." "We could make a fresh start." "You must give me a chance!" "Perhaps Paula would understand me." "I should meet her and talk to her..." "Let us face this together." "Let me have a chance!" "You're facing me with a fait accompli." "You're forcing me into an intolerable situation." "You mean:" "What are our parents going to say!" "What will our friends think?" "Jesus, how tongues will wag!" "How will it affect the girls?" "What about the dinner parties?" "What will you tell Peter and Katarina?" "Who cares?" "It feels good to be a cad!" "That wasn't what I meant." "Forget it..." "I forgot to set the alarm." " When do you need to leave?" " Please set it for 5:30." "I need to pack and I have a conference at nine." "I've been meaning to get a new alarm clock." "This one's so noisy and it's not very reliable." "There, it's set for 5:30." "I'll wake up on my own anyway, so you needn't worry." " Tell me about Paula." " Please..." "What's the point?" " Why torment yourself?" " I want to know what she's like." "It's much worse picturing some faceless threat." " Do you have a picture of her?" " Can't we be spared this ordeal?" "Please help me with this." "Well, you asked for it..." "Where's my wallet?" "I guess it's in my jacket..." "Here are two photos." "That was taken two years ago, on holiday." "That is her passport photo." "It's a good likeness." "She has a nice figure." " And lovely breasts, right?" " Yes, she does..." " Does she dye her hair?" " It's possible." " Her smile is nice." "How old is she?" " 23." "She hasn't been lucky in love." "She's been engaged twice and has had lots of affairs." " Does that bother you?" " Yes, it does..." "Her frankness is quite unpleasant." "She insists on giving me the details of her erotic past." "I suffer from retrospective jealousy." "She has no illusions and she has no great hopes for the two of us." "She knows I'll go back to you." "It all sounds like a hackneyed old melodrama." "Are you compatible in bed?" "Yes, we are, actually." "At first it was all wrong." "I wasn't used to it - being with other women, I mean." "We've spoiled each other, you and I, living in a bubble of our own." "Everything's gone like clockwork." " The lack of oxygen smothered us." " And Paula will revive you?" "I have little self-awareness." "I know little of reality, regardless of all the books I've read, but this may be an opportunity for you and I to really live." "Has Paula filled your head with rubbish like that?" " Just how naive can you get?" " We can do without your taunts." " Forgive me." " I'm trying..." "I'm trying to be honest and it's not easy!" "We've never talked like this before." "Is it any wonder we're naive?" "What else can we expect?" "You're in a tight spot." "Come and lie down beside me." "Come..." "I want you to make love to me." "Please?" "For old time's sake." "Lie here in my arms and we'll both go to sleep together." "I don't think I can sleep." "I'd better leave at once." "Close your eyes." "We both need the rest." "Tomorrow will be a busy day." "I'm so damned ashamed." "We'll talk about that later." "Right now, it's just the two of us." "We still have a few hours left." "Just you and I..." " Are you going to pack first or eat?" " You decide." " Tea or coffee?" " Tea, please." " What about your mail?" " I'll send you my address." "You can send the letters on, pay the bills in the usual way." "The plumber was scheduled to come to fix the bathroom." "Shall I call him?" "I figured it might have slipped your mind." "I've phoned him dozens of times, I haven't forgotten it." "What about your car?" "I've asked Paula's sister to take care of it." "She needs a car." "I see." "Would you please cancel my dentist's appointment?" "It's your father's birthday on Friday, we're supposed to dine there." "Are you planning to phone him?" "That's tricky..." "Maybe I can write him a letter." "As long as you don't forget." "Dealing with our parents will be tough." " What should I tell the girls?" " Say whatever you like." " That you walked out on us?" " You couldn't have put it better." "I don't expect you to understand me." "I have to leave now, to avoid traffic." "Goodbye, Marianne." "Take care." " I may be home in a week's time." " I wish..." "We'd make a fresh start." "We'd throw out stale old routines." "We'd talk about the past." "We'd try and find out where we went wrong." "You'd never hear me blame you." "Johan, it's all so unreal..." "I don't know what to do." "You're shutting me out." "Any solution would be better than this." "Couldn't you promise to come back?" "Then I'd have something, at least." "You can't leave me without hope." "Even if you don't intend to return, tell me you will." "I have to go now." "Fredrik?" "It's Marianne." "Sorry to wake you." "Is Birgit there?" "No, let her sleep." "So, how are you doing?" "Oh, you're an early riser, are you?" "I won't keep you long." "It's cloudy..." "That sounds lovely." "There's something I need to talk to you about." "I really need to talk..." "You and Birgit are friends of ours." "I have to..." "It's all so unreal, Fredrik." "You see..." "I'm on the verge of tears and crying only makes things worse." "Johan has fallen in love with another woman." "They're leaving for Paris today." "Couldn't you talk to him?" "Tell him not to do anything rash." "You've already talked to him?" "I see..." "So, you both have known all along?" "You knew, but you never told me?" "And you call yourselves friends?" "How could you be so disloyal?" "I don't buy your explanations!" "All those times we've met and neither of you said a word..." "Damn you!" "What kind of friends are you?" "To hell with your explanations!" "How many others have you known?" "Oh, lots of people..." "Well, isn't that nice!" "THE VALE OF TEARS" "Please come in." "My, you're pretty!" "What a nice blouse." "I liked it when I bought it, but it's sort of girlish." "It suits you." "I feel nervous standing here like this." "So do I, I've been useless all day." "It's silly, I know, but I haven't seen you for over six months." " How come you suddenly...?" " Paula is in London." " Like a drink?" " Yes, please." "A whiskey, neat." "It settles the stomach." "Have you taken to whiskey?" "Aunt Berit's looking after the girls, to everyone's mutual delight." "Tomorrow, they're going to the country." "Good..." "Meeting them might have been awkward." " How are they?" " Don't ask just to be polite." "Please don't forget their birthdays again." "I bought them presents from you, but that didn't fool them." "Can't you take them to the movies one day?" "It's rough on them not hearing from you." "They hardly ever mention you nowadays." " The way Paula keeps you..." " If you start ranting, I'm leaving." "You said yourself she's jealous." "Are you such a coward you can't stand up to her?" "I'm sorry." "I know you think it's absurd, but don't scold me, it won't help." " Would you like some more whiskey?" " Yes, please." " How are things, Johan?" " Pretty much as usual." " And you?" " I can't complain." "It was silly of me to suggest this." "We can't talk without hurting each other." "I've got an excellent suggestion, let's have dinner." " Then we won't snap at each other." " An excellent suggestion." "You look awful with that haircut and you've put on weight." "You really turn me on." " What are we to do about it?" " We'll see after dinner." " What delicious wine!" " It's just some inexpensive claret." "Things are going my way at the moment." "I've been offered a chair at Cleveland University." "It's a good move, financially and career-wise." "That's where things are happening and I'll be glad to emigrate, there's nothing to keep me here." "I'm fed up with this backwater and I hate being fleeced by taxes." "So I'll leave in the spring, if all goes well." "Congratulations." "I'm rattling on about myself, but I'm in such a good mood." "Perhaps we can discuss our divorce." "If you're emigrating, we'd better do it now." " As you like." " I'd like a divorce." "I may want to remarry, and it would be complicated if you're in the US." "Do you have someone in mind?" "Perhaps." "Come on, tell me more." " Would you like some more?" " No, thanks." "Don't be evasive." "How are things?" "Judging by your appearance, they must be pretty good." "Do you have a lover?" "I'll just get the coffee." "Well..." "It sounds as if you were disappointed." "It's just your imagination." "I think about you all the time." "Wondering if you're fine, or lonely and afraid." "Every day, several times a day," "I wonder what I did to cause the breach between us." "It's childish of me, I know." "What did I do wrong?" "Why not ask a psychiatrist?" "I go to one several times a week." " Sometimes we even meet privately." " Is he your lover?" "We did have sex a few times, but it was no good." "So we devote ourselves to my soul." "Where has that got you?" "Nowhere." "I'm learning to talk, basically." "I threw your things out of the study and moved mine in." "It left me feeling guilty, but bold." "It's led to something, at least." " What an enormous yawn." " Sorry, it's the wine." "Also I haven't slept well, I've been tense." " If you'd like to go home..." " Don't get all uptight." " You can take a nap if you like." " What a fuss about a yawn." "I'd rather listen to tales of your mental journey." "There's nothing much to tell." "Though last night something funny struck me." "That sounds exciting." "My therapist asked me to jot down whatever popped into my head." "No matter how irrelevant." "Anything..." "I haven't written much so far, I'm not used to writing." "It tends to turn out stilted and a little silly." "Why don't you read to me what you wrote last night?" "Would you really like to hear it?" "I'll just go and get my notebook." "I was up writing to three am, so I looked a wreck this morning." "It figures that would happen the night before I see you." "You look so pretty..." "so very pretty, Marianne." "No compliments, please." "Take an interest in my soul instead." "Go and sit down..." "Have a seat..." "Don't..." "Let me read to you." "One good thing needn't exclude the other." "I think about you constantly, about having sex with you." "I've been longing for you." "But after you leave," "I'd be left longing for you again." "I love you, don't you realise that?" "Sometimes I hate you for what you did to me." "I rejoice every hour that passes without a thought of you." "I have friends, lovers, children and a job I enjoy that I'm good at." "Yet, I'm tied to you." "I don't know why." "Perhaps I'm a masochist, or else I'm just a one-man-woman." "I don't know..." "It's all so difficult." "I don't want to live with anyone but you." "Other men bore me." "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, or use emotional blackmail." "I'm just telling you how I feel." "I can't bear you making love to me." "I can't explain it any other way." "It's because you'll walk away and I'll be left longing for you." "I've sort of enjoyed having you at a distance." "So let's keep our hands to ourselves." "You'll just leave me devastated." "I'm..." "I'm still in love with you." "Why say that when it's not true?" "Do you think I haven't longed for you?" "I have..." "We were friends." "We had fun together." "If we feel like having sex, why shouldn't we?" "Why have all these reservations?" "Why worry about how you'll feel tomorrow?" "No, Johan..." "I want you to stop!" "I don't want to be mooning over you, pining and weeping!" "If you're going to persist, you might as well leave." "I don't want to sleep with you." "Please try and understand that!" "I'm doing my best..." "All right, I'll sit here..." "I'll sit here and you can read to me." "Then I'll go home and phone Paula and say I've been to the theatre." "May I have more coffee, please and a brandy?" "I feel like a terrible fool." "I want to hide somewhere and cry." " We can meet tomorrow instead." " Yes, that might be just as well." "No, it's better you stay..." "I'm busy tomorrow." "Hi there..." "I'm so very fond of you." "I'm behaving like a child." "The situation is under control." "We've come through the crisis." "I can barely read my own writing." "The beginning isn't important..." """Yesterday I was seized by reckless gaiety."" "For the first time this year, I felt a zest for life." ""Feeling curious about what the day will bring.""" "And so on..." "Here it is:" """I turned and looked at the photo of my class at school,"" "taken when I was 10." "I seemed to detect something that had eluded me previously." "To my surprise, I must admit," "I don't know who I am." "Not at all..." "I've always done as I was told." "As far as I can remember," "I've been obedient, well-adjusted, almost meek." "I did assert myself once or twice as a girl, but mother punished all such lapses from convention with exemplary severity." "My entire upbringing was aimed at making me agreeable." "I was ugly and graceless." "A fact I was constantly reminded of." "But if I kept my thoughts to myself and was ingratiating, my behaviour yielded rewards." "The real deception began at puberty." "My every thought revolved around sex." "But this I never told my parents, or anyone at all, for that matter." "Being deceitful and secretive became second nature to me." "My father wanted me to become a lawyer like himself." "I said I wanted to be an actress, or do something else within the theatrical world, but they laughed at me." "Since then I go on pretending." "A sham in my relations to others." "To men." "The same sham - a desperate attempt to please." "I've never considered what I want." "Just:" "'What does he want me to think?" "'" "It's not unselfishness, as I used to believe, but sheer cowardice." "It stems from being ignorant of who I am." "Our mistake was in not breaking free of our families" ""and creating something worthwhile on our own terms.""" "Oh damn, I fell asleep!" "Your words were so interesting, too." "Forgive me..." "Won't you read some more, unless you feel offended?" "I don't feel offended, but I think you ought to go home now." "Yes, I'd better be going." "Please call, if only for the sake of the children." " You're always welcome here." " If only Paula weren't so jealous." "Still, she has good reason..." " When will you know about the US?" " In a month or so." " Let me know how it goes." " Of course, I'll phone you." "We need to make up our minds about the divorce." " Do you want to marry again?" " I don't know." "I'd rather wait, what do you think?" "I don't know what I think..." " You'll stay the night, won't you?" " Yes." " How do you feel?" " Frightened..." "Let's muster up some courage." " Can't you sleep?" " Not a chance." "I'd better go home." "Forgive me!" " That's Paula's handwriting." " She wrote to me." " What's she up to now?" " She sent this before she left." "Read it here." """Dear Marianne, I assure you"" "that there is no ulterior motive behind this letter." "I took this job in London to break a vicious cycle of jealousy and suspicion." "I know Johan will look you up the minute I've gone." "I've only myself to blame, as I've stopped him from seeing you all." ""If only it was possible to put things right.""" " How like Paula!" " She wants us to be friends." " She can't endure hostility." " How touching." "And you believe her?" """Johan is the gentlest and kindest person I've ever met."" "He lacks self-confidence," ""though he tries to appear so brave and cheerful.""" "You can say anything about anyone." "It always fits in some respect." "THE ILLITERATES" "I'm glad we could meet here." "It saves time." " It's not exactly cosy." " But suitable for divorce matters." "Here's the agreement, word for word as we decided." " Then I don't need to read it." " Always read before signing." " Don't look so grumpy." " I'm not grumpy." "Here's the list of our joint property and its distribution." "It's just a list, it doesn't require a signature." "You get Granny's clock?" "That must be a mistake." " But she left it to me." " I don't recall that." "If you're so attached to it keep it, but it is mine." "You're always right, aren't you?" "Take the damn clock!" " Check that I haven't fleeced you." " Your sarcasm is wasted on me." "I have such a miserable cold." "What do you say to a glass of fine old brandy?" "Yes, I think we should have one now." "Egerman gave me a bottle." "Some grateful Parisian colleagues gave him a whole case." "Cheers!" "Not bad, huh?" "I like it." "I don't care for brandy as a rule, but this is nice." "I feel better already." "It's rough all the same." " Getting divorced." " It's just paperwork." "We've been living apart for ages and we're in agreement, but feelings of guilt linger on." "It's strange..." "Johan?" " What?" " It's strange." "On my way over I was determined not to cry." "You said you felt guilty." "Let's go and sit on the sofa instead." "Put the lights out, the glare is ghastly." "How can you work in such a bleak room?" "The sofa isn't very comfortable either." "If you put your feet up, it's fine." " More brandy?" " Yes, please." " Comfy?" " Very." " Is this whole place empty?" " There's a nightwatchman." "How nice!" " I just think it's nice." " Nothing's nice with a cold." "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." "You're not going to die." "Cheers!" " This gets better and better." " Aren't you in good spirits!" "To be honest, I'm in love." " With that David person?" " No, that's over." "Give me a kiss." " But I'm ill." " I never catch your germs." "Give me a kiss, I want you to." " Was it what you expected?" " Much better." "Now, put your hand on my breast." " Are you seducing me?" " That's right." "Right here on the carpet." "Right now." "Doesn't that sound fun?" "You look suspicious." "Afraid of the nightwatchman?" "We're still married, after all." "Come, lie on top of me." "People should make love on the floor more often." " Lock the door." " No one will walk in on us." " I'm kind of a prude." " Just in case the watchman comes." " He might be eavesdropping." " No, he's doing his rounds." "Is it wise to take your trousers off with that cold?" " You can warm me." " So you don't freeze your thing..." "Poor baby, you're so miserable..." "It's lovely being kissed by you." "I enjoy it so..." "What if...?" "Shut your eyes, or I'll feel self-conscious." "Put your hands on my hips." "That's nice..." "What if the watchman walked in now?" "He could join us." "We're liberated." "Let's stay here all night and just drink and make love." "Tomorrow, we'll file our divorce papers." "A penny for your thoughts." "I'm not telling." " Are you hungry?" " I always am." "What about a steak tartare and some beer?" "You're not supposed to take me out." "I'm in Uppsala with my students." "Poor Paula!" "In that case, I'd love to dine with you." " Where's the bathroom?" " Down the corridor, to the left." "Let's sign these papers and go out and celebrate." "Pay tribute to a long and happy marriage." "I think I'll take them home with me." "Why do an about-face now?" "You said yourself to read things through before signing them." "Let's read it through from A to Z, so you see that I haven't cheated you." " Why are you so upset?" " I'm not." "Let's get moving." " You look pissed off to me." " I am, but I'll control myself." "Like I always do when I'm subjected to your whims." "Can we end this boring discussion?" "It's late and tomorrow's a work day." " Don't you want to have supper?" " No, thank you." "I'm grateful for the favours bestowed on me." " Talk about whims..." " Now look here, Johan!" "It's pointless even trying to discuss this now." "Let's stuff these into an envelope, then you can take them home." "Then you and Paula can pore over the wording to see that I haven't screwed you." " What's going on?" " Nothing." "We were good friends a minute ago." "Don't forget Eva's birthday." " Do I usually?" " No, because I always remind you." "Could you pay for her trip to France?" " How much is that?" " 2,000 krona." "That's out of the question!" " Then let your mother pay." " I've borrowed too much as it is." "I've just paid for Karin's orthodontist." " Doesn't she have free dental care?" " She refuses to go to that place." "Eva will have to cancel her trip." "It won't hurt her to learn that she can't have everything." "She's too damned spoilt and ill-mannered!" " Mother was appalled last week." " Your mother told you that?" "Well, Eva is at a difficult age." "Don't let the girls rule the roost." "I have their complete confidence and for that I'm grateful." "I couldn't care less about petty details like manners." "I can't afford the trip." "Tell her that." " Tell her yourself." " Why?" "You have custody." "I merely fork out huge sums for child support, leaving me high and dry." "You and I were born with silver spoons in our mouths." "We've squandered our resources, leaving us poor, bitter, and angry." "However trite, it's the truth:" "We're emotional illiterates." "We've been taught about anatomy and African farming methods." "We've learned mathematical formulas by heart." "We haven't been taught a thing about the mind." "We're ignorant about what makes people tick." "That signals the end of my lecture." "More brandy?" "Then we can decide about supper." "I don't agree with you." "By the way, that job in the US has gone to blazes." " Not that it matters." " What a shame!" "Well, I was pretty disappointed." "There was the usual wheeling and dealing." "First, things were postponed, then there was no money..." "Then they sent someone else." "That's life." "Cheers!" "I'll be 45 this summer." "I can expect to live another 30 years..." "Viewed objectively, I'm dead weight." "I'll spend the next 20 years being a damn nuisance." "I'm an expensive, unproductive unit that should be eliminated." "And I'm supposed to be in my prime, brimming with useful experience!" ""But it's: "Throw the loser out."" ""Let him rot.""" "I'm so damn tired." "I hardly know who I am." "Someone spat on me and now I'm drowning in the spittle." " Am I boring you?" " It's funny..." "I wanted to have sex with you today to see if I felt anything." "All I felt was lukewarm affection." "I think I'm breaking free at last." "It's taken a long time and it's been very painful, but I'm free of you now and can live my own life." "Allow me to congratulate you." "It's callous of me to say this when you're having a rough time, but oddly enough, I don't care." "I've taken your feelings into account far too often." "Being considerate killed our love." "Had I not been sidetracked by guilt," "I'd have known everything we did was wrong." "Remember after Karin was born?" "When we couldn't sleep together?" "How we put the blame on my two pregnancies." "We concocted many reasons why our lovemaking gave us no pleasure." "Warning lights were flashing all around us, but we ignored them." "These post-mortems are so pointless." "Your idiotic sarcasm drives me crazy!" "Why should you tell me what to think and feel?" "Lord, how I hate you!" "I often used to think:" "'Lord, how I hate her!" "'" "Especially when we made love and I felt your indifference and when I saw you naked at the bidet afterwards - washing off the nasty stuff I'd deposited inside you." "I would think: 'I hate her body, the way she moves.'" "I should have beaten you." "I wanted to strike down your hard, white resistance, but we chatted away and talked about how well we got along." "Then why do I enjoy sex now?" " I do everything he asks." " Just you wait." "When you're married to him, you'll do the same thing again." "Your behaviour is deeply rooted." "Then you'll look for a new lover to free you from your loathing." "You're wrong." "There is such a thing as straightforward tenderness." "To say nothing of sensuousness and physical desire." "For you that's all blocked." "Do you imagine that I didn't suffer when we didn't hit it off?" "I'd think:" "'Is this misery all there is?" "'" "We'd console ourselves with the thought that sex wasn't everything." "That in other respects, we were happy." "Talk about self-deception!" "You're forgetting certain things." "Then please enlighten me." "You cashed in on your sex organs." "They became a bargaining chip." "A night of sex for a night of peace." "Good behaviour earned me a lay." "Bad behaviour or criticism made you withdraw." "You were worse than any whore!" " You would never face the truth." " Some cosmic truth, or your truth?" "The way you made me your doormat!" "Am I a substitute for your mother?" "All that carping about how I neglected the home." "That's a lie!" "You heaped guilt on me!" "You and your parents!" "I felt inadequate at work and at home and I was a lousy lay as well." "I was hedged in by all the griping and endless demands." "If I used my sex organs, was that so strange?" "I was fighting against hopeless odds:" "You, my mother, your parents, and society!" "When I think of what I endured, I could scream!" "I tell you this:" "Never again!" "You sit there whining about conspiracies." "It serves you damn well right!" "I hope it will be rammed down your throat that you're a useless parasite." " You're being utterly grotesque!" " You made me that way!" "The difference between us is that I fight it!" "I intend to face reality just as it is." "If there's one thing I truly appreciate, it's being alive." "I enjoy overcoming difficulties." " I don't ask for special allowances." " How nice!" "Then we needn't feel sorry for each other." "We're getting quite human." "It's a pity we ever met in the first place and decided to live together - what a glorious fiasco!" "The sooner we sign the papers, the better." "We'll divide our worldly goods and go our separate ways." "It was all just a ghastly mistake." "I know what's on your mind." " You don't want a divorce!" " That's absurd!" " Then sign the papers." " All right, I will." "Be honest now..." "Look at me!" "You don't want a divorce, do you?" "Well, would that be such a crime?" "I concede defeat, is that what you want to hear?" "I'm sick of Paula." "I want to come home." "Don't look at me like that." "I'm a failure." "I'm going downhill." "I'm scared and rootless." "My timing is all wrong..." " If you think pity will help..." " I'm giving you a straight answer." "I was bound to you in a deeper way than I knew." "I needed our home and to lead a regular life." "I'm tired of being alone." "Loneliness with Paula is worse than being all alone." "I can't stand either." "I won't go on..." "Now you know." "Please send a cab to Malmrosgatan 45." "Want a lift?" "You really shouldn't drive." " I'll stay here for a while." " Please don't brood." "It's none of your business!" " I want you to stay." " But I don't want to." "You're tired and drunk." "Let me go." " I don't want you to go." " Don't be ridiculous." "We've never behaved like this." "Give me the key." "I don't give a damn what you say." "Your orderly mind is reeling." """What do I do now?""" """Has he gone mad?""" """Is he going to beat me?""" "You're quite a riot, actually." "Then why aren't you laughing?" "You look scared to me." "Let me cancel the cab..." "What for?" "They only wait around for 10 minutes or so." "Sit down and take it easy." " This will take quite a while." " Fine..." " So, what do you want to say?" " Nothing." " I want to look at you." " Go ahead." "I might have expected this." "I've often warned wives in the process of a divorce against spending time alone with their husbands." "Yet here I am." "Shut your mouth!" "I'm not afraid, I couldn't care less what you do." " Shut up, I said!" " You maniac!" "Give me the key, I'll go and wash off this blood." "I'm not letting you out." " You arsehole!" " You bitch!" "I'll show you!" "I could kill you!" "I could kill you!" "Oh, Marianne..." "Listen, are you all right?" "I guess I've only myself to blame..." "Will you give me the key now?" " Shall I help you?" " No, don't come near me." "IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT IN A DARK HOUSE" "What fun this is!" "I went to the cottage yesterday and turned the heating on and stocked up on food, just like old times." " When did I last see the place?" " Seven years ago." " What about you?" " I don't spend much time there." "Henrik's not fond of the seaside." "The girls and I go there occasionally, but they have their own lives to lead." " How is your husband?" " Overworked." "He suffers from high blood pressure." " How's your wife?" " She's in Italy, for a rest cure." "Funny that they're both abroad." "It's almost indecent, I think." "That is what's so nice." " The place hasn't changed much." " It's a bit shabby." "It needs doing up, but we can't afford it." "Put the car away, or Erik will see it and be over like a shot." " That could be embarrassing." " I will, dear..." " Aren't you going to do it now?" " No, later." "This does feel a little strange..." "Let's stretch out on the bed..." "I'm nervous." "It's like the first time." "But it's not." "It's been nearly a year now." "It was the day before my birthday and today's August 28th." "You seduced me." "Did you ever see the last act of that play?" "It must have looked funny, our sneaking off like that." " What made you decide?" " I don't know..." "I saw you the second I entered the theatre." "It seemed natural to approach you." "I was terribly pleased." "So was I." """ " And you said: "Let's leave."" " And you blushed."" " No wonder." "I had such a hard-on." " You got me pretty hot too." "We hadn't met for two whole years." "That's right, exactly two years." "And now today's our first anniversary." "No..." "It's not our first anniversary." "It's our 20th." "We got married in August, 20 years ago." "It's an entire lifetime." "A whole grown-up life together." "Isn't that strange?" "My dear!" "Sweetheart..." "It's this wretched old bed..." "Our hotel rooms were suitably impersonal." "It was wrong of us to come here." " We should have gone to Denmark." " There wasn't time." " This is all right." " No, it isn't." "I'll call Fredrik." "He has a cottage." " How will we get in?" " I expect a neighbour has a key." "There's no harm in trying." "Fredrik?" "It's Johan." "How are you?" "I've never been better." "Look, this is rather a delicate matter." "Are you alone?" "Could I possibly borrow your cottage for the weekend?" "Exactly, something like that..." "Very pretty." "Young...?" "She's almost too young!" "It's a sticky situation." "That's great!" "I owe you a favour." "Don't say a word to Birgit now." "Women don't understand these things." "Right..." "The key is under the stone step." "Yes..." "Blonde." "With a great figure..." "I'll call you." "I really appreciate it." "Thanks." "Give my love to Birgit." "No, scratch that last suggestion." " I found it." " It's lovely!" "Here's the step." "It must be here." " Let's clear up." " Right." "What's wrong?" "You're crying." "You're so touching." "I'm being silly." "Touching?" "That's amazing." "It's the truth." "My dear, beloved Johan..." "You've become so small." "You're so handsome this way." "You used to look so tense." " Are people beastly to you?" " I don't know." "I've stopped being on the defensive." "Someone said I'd become slack and gave in too easily." "I've accepted my true dimensions with a certain sense of humility." "It makes me kind and sad." "And you with your great expectations." "Those were my family's expectations." "I really wanted to live up to them." "You wanted to know about my husband?" "Getting married was a mistake." "It was more of a joke." "When did you meet?" "A few years ago." "It was a purely sexual affair." "I see..." "Henrik is..." "How shall I put this?" "Very convincing in that respect." "He truly enjoys sex and he made me realise I felt the same way." "I wasn't all that keen before." "I remember." "You don't like this subject, do you?" "But it can't be helped." "I was obsessed by this new sensation." "I felt insatiable." "How nice... for you." "I became very attached to Henrik and he liked me a lot," "but I caught him with other women." "What do you know?" "I was hurt and humiliated, even jealous." "Jealous, you?" "We had a violent scene and I told him to go to hell." " So, did he?" " Yes." "He said I was too histrionic." "I begged him to come back." "You look preoccupied." "Everything's fine, that's all." "Things just couldn't be better." " It's just that I can't stand it." " I knew it!" "As if I care about your orgasms with that workaholic." "I applaud your emancipation." "You should write a novel." "The women's libbers would rejoice." "You're being ridiculous..." "I tell you I don't give a damn." "It suddenly mattered so terribly." "It's just a taste of the marvellous things life has to offer." "Think of the awareness we've gained." "It's magnificent!" "We've discovered ourselves." "One faces up to his insignificance, the other, to her greatness." "Here we are, trashing our spouses." "They're in this room with us." "It's mental group sex to the max." "It's like a textbook on life." "It's fabulous, but I can't bear it." "I see, but I don't find it terrible." "I can't abide this cold light directed on my every endeavour." "How I battle with futility." "I try to cheer myself up thinking that life is what you make of it, but those are empty words." "I want something to long for." "I don't feel the same way." "I realise that." "I persevere." "I enjoy myself." "I rely on common sense and my gut feeling." "They work together." "I'm content with my direction." "Time has given me a third partner:" "Experience." "You should be a politician." "Maybe you're right..." "I like people." "I enjoy negotiations, prudence, compromises..." "Rehearsing your election speech?" " Am I so impossible?" " Only when you preach." "I'm not going to say another word." "No more home truths?" "I promise." "Promise you won't mention that orgasmic superman again." "Promise to reign in your awful level-headedness." "It will be difficult, but I'll try." "Could you possibly use your female power sparingly?" "I'll have to." "All right, then..." "Let's go to bed." "What is it?" "There, there..." "Come, sit here with me." "There, there..." "What brings on nightmares like that?" " Perhaps it was something you ate." " Do you think so?" "Unless there's something in your orderly world you can't get at." "Hold me, I'm shivering." "I think I've come down with something." " The girls have had colds..." " You'll soon feel better." "Pull the covers up." "That's nice..." "What were you dreaming about?" "We were crossing a dangerous road." "I wanted you and the girls to hold on to me, but my hands were gone." "All I had left were stumps and I'm sliding around in soft sand." "You're on the road and I can't reach you..." "What a horrible dream!" "Do we live our lives in confusion?" " All of us." " What do you mean?" "Fear, uncertainty, a lack of wisdom." "Are we sliding downhill and don't know what to do?" "Yes, I think so." "Is it too late?" "Yes, but we shouldn't say things like that." "Johan, have we missed something important?" " All of us?" " No, you and I." "At times I can read your mind and feel such tenderness." "I forget myself without losing myself." "It's a new sensation." "I understand." "It grieves me that I've never loved anyone." "I don't think I've ever been loved either." "That distresses me." "Now you're being histrionic." "I know what I feel." "I love you in my selfish way and I think you love me, in your fussy, pestering way." "We love each other like people do here on earth, but you're so demanding." "Yes, I am." "It's as simple as this:" "Here I am in a dark house somewhere in the world, with my arms around you and you are here in my arms." "I lack empathy for my fellow human beings." "I'm low on imagination, I suppose." "I don't know what my love looks like and I can't describe it." "Most of the time I don't feel it." "You think I love you too?" "Yes, I do." "If we harp on, love will vanish." "Let's stay like this all night." "Oh, let's not..." "One of my legs has gone to sleep, my left arm is dislocated," "I'm sleepy and my back is cold." "Then let's snuggle down." "Good night, my darling." "It was good talking to you." " Sleep well." " You too."