"'Now nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate is the garden of Eden 'but it's been a good home to us - me, Frank Gallagher, 'and me kids who I'm proud of, 'cos every single one of them reminds me a little of me." "'They can all think for themselves, which they've me to thank for.'" " Run!" "Run for it!" " Leg it!" "'Fiona, who's a massive help," "'Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him Philip now, 'lan, a lot like his mam, 'which is handy for the others cos she's disappeared into thin air," "'and Carl - we daren't let him grow his hair 'cos it stands on end and makes him look like Toyah and nits love it." "'Debbie - sent by God." "Total angel." "'You've to check your change but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favour." "'Plus Liam - gonna be a star once we've got the fits under control." "'Sheila, me bird." "Couldn't be happier..." "One plate short of a full set, like." "'Fantastic neighbours Kev and Veronica." "Lend you anything." "Well, not anything." "'But all of them to a man know, first and foremost, 'one of the most vital necessities in this life 'is they know how to throw a party!" "'Scatter!" "'" "(lan) 'When you're a Gallagher it can feel like more shit happens 'than the average." "'But if you think about it, shit happening is fact of life." "'There's nothing special about being part of our family." "'What really is special about being a Gallagher?" "'You'd have to ask Fiona.'" "'A bit of pride, maybe, and how you cope when it all hits the fan... 'especially if you're standing right in front of it at the time." "'The thing I rate about Fiona is that she didn't even duck.' l wouldn't kick him out of bed for a wet fart." "He's not my type." "He's everyone's type!" "He's a fucking classic!" "I think I'm all right, thanks." "Fancy a drink?" "Yes, mate?" "Two Manila coladas, please." "We've run out of Manila, I can do them with rum." "You're all right, mate. I'll have them without." " Two Manila coladas without the Manila?" " Yeah." "Fucking ladies night and not a chick in the room." "Er, name?" "Ryan." "He's a footballer." "Fuck off!" "Fucking hell!" "He's not Ryan Giggs, is he?" "Veronica, you have seen him." "Oh, yeah." "Only Sunday League." "Still, fit as arseholes." "(Woman) Got a spare tampon?" "Hang on." "(Woman) I feel sick." "Let's go, while they're still serving." "PHONE rings" "Hello." "How the fuck did that happen?" "How the fuck did Fiona end up with Joey Dawson?" "Joey Dawson?" "!" "Joey." "Oh..." "Joey." "Oh, fuck!" "What was he like?" "Phwoar!" "Oh, fuck!" "Didn't think he would be." "I don't think we used anything." "I thought you were on the pill?" "When I was with Steve, yeah." "Half a packet now, half a packet later." "Works the same as the morning-after pill." "(Liam) Wake up!" "Liam!" "Morning." "(TV) 'lt's your chance to phone in this morning and the topic 'is sexually transmitted diseases." "'So, we've got...'" "Joey Dawson?" "!" "Don't bother. I can guarantee it won't be funny." "You went to bed with our Fiona?" "Get me..." "Fuck." "You went to bed with him?" "!" "It happens, Carl." "Do you want some toast?" "Two slices, my darling." "What's happened?" "Fiona had sexual intercourse with Joey Dawson." "Debbie!" "That's what Mrs Henderson calls it in Health And Society." "She says it's immature to use the other words." "Looks like he shagged you ragged." "Change the fucking record!" "Argh!" "Shit." "Marty!" "He shut me arm in the fuckin' door!" "Cold compress." "That's what Veronica always says." "Get a flannel. I don't know what you're playing at, Marty." "Liam!" "(lan) Go, go!" " What?" " The gears. I can't..." "Hurry up!" "For God's sake!" "Blood group?" "AB, AB, A, AB positive, O, B positive. I don't know yours." "Give it a few minutes." "Then you can go home with mummy and daddy." "No, we're not..." "No more taking mummy's tablets!" "We got everything out of him in time and hormones aren't immediately dangerous." "Worse case scenario would be him growing a pair of tits." "HE CHUCKLES" "For God's sake!" "If you that worried about it, get an X-ray." "(Debbie) Ask me. I remember every Christmas prezzie for the last eight years." "I'm really sorry, Joey." "1 998." "(Debbie) Christmas 1 998 " "He-Man mega-fighter, Kylie CDs, selection box from dad." "Skateboard, Louise CD, selection box from dad." "Tinky Winky, video, selection box from dad." "Right. I'll see you then." "I didn't know you lived round here?" "Extension on Lyle Close." "Finishing off, like." "Told you I could do the Christmas presents." "Yeah, but you got the blood groups wrong, freak." "No, I didn't." "How much?" "At least it's not his plastering arm." "AB, A," "AB, B, O." "I prefer the new notes from the cash machine." "Debbie, look." "Somebody's cocked up." "They do this in biology." "You need two Os." "One from each parent to be just O." "O's recessive." "Somebody's got lan's blood group wrong which means you're wrong, which means I'm not liable for ten quid." "Doesn't have to mean that." "Yes it does." "It could mean that dad's not lan's dad." "Durrr!" "What?" "KNOCK ON DOOR" "Can someone get that?" "Here, love, give it to me." "Have you got any aspirin at yours?" "I've got a head like a fucking drill." "This not a good time?" "She wants to talk to mum." "I'm from the health visiting team." "The hospital contacted us about Liam's overdose." "It wasn't an overdose." "Their word, not mine. lt's just a follow-up." "Your mum not in?" "Or your dad." "We try not to be sexist!" "Not at the minute, no." "I am Liam's sister, so I can answer any questions." "Gallagher." "Thought it might be." "You don't remember me, do you?" "Katrina Webb, from school?" "Katrina." "It's all right, you can say it - the sperm whale." "You have lost a fucking tonne!" "Quick Slim." "A shake for breakfast, a soup for lunch and then a sensible tea." "For three-and-a-half years." "Fiona Gallagher." "Bet you never thought the sperm whale be a health professional, eh?" "OK if I have a look at your brother?" "Just my fucking luck, them sending her." "She's all right, in't she, sperm whale?" "Veronica, I gave her that name." "She hated my guts at school because I snogged a boy she fancied." "Ricky Parr." "A little bit of power, she'll be loving this." "Right as rain." "I'm surprised you're still living at home, Fiona." "Thought you would've been married by now." "Well, you and me both." "What about you?" "Engaged." "Lovely." "Got a venue booked for August." "We're having a Lord Of The Rings theme, 'cept it'll be wedding rings, obviously." "Hobbits for pageboys, dead cute." "Hang about, I'm remembering now." "I did a visit when Chantelle Harrison had her third and she said to me that your mum had turned into a lesbian and run off with another woman." "Chantelle?" "Must have been the smack talking." "You take care, Liam." "Carl kicked me." "Did he?" "It was an accident." "Nightmare." "Kids, eh?" "Yeah!" "It was good to see you, Katrina." "Good luck with the wedding." "Who's the lucky fella?" "Joey, Joey Dawson." "Mrs Dawson." "Fucking weird, eh?" "See ya!" "I'm not kidding." "She finds out I slept with Joey, I'm dead!" "Promise me these are staying on." "What are you like?" "No tits!" "Promise me!" "Cross me heart and hope to die." "DOORBELL" "SHE whistles" "Whoa!" "Get 40 quid extra for topless." "What rhymes with estate agent?" "You what?" "Birthday boy's an estate agent." "Sean." "You're mental, you!" "How's she gonna find out?" "Joey's not gonna tell her, you're not gonna tell her." "It's like it never fucking happened." "It's Joey and his girlfriend." "Shit!" "He's come for the van keys." "That he left here last night when he crashed out cos he'd had too many before he slipped in the shower and broke his arm." "She wants to know why we haven't got one of them mats?" "We have!" "Keys!" "Liam had them." "They're in our house somewhere." "Kitchen table." "Keep her talking, yeah?" "Keys!" "Keys!" "Where could they be?" "Veronica's had a tidy-up." "It's always the way, innit?" "I told shit-for-brains he were lucky you drove him to the hospital." "He's worse than a bloody kid." "Can't let him out my sight, can I?" "Can I?" "!" "You're lucky he's not suing you for loss of business." "It's not his plastering arm, is it?" "is it me, or has it turned a bit?" "Veronica says you used to be really, really fat." "Ta-da!" "(Katrina) Kylie had to get two buses to self-defence cos you couldn't drive her." "She had a do on the number 1 2." "Forgot her inhaler." "She could be dead, Joey!" "You didn't think of that." "Oh, thanks, Kev!" "Saved my life." "See!" "I told you!" "Over-reaction!" "What?" "!" "You're not my dad." "What the fuck have I done now?" "Type O blood, I've got, so you can't be my real dad." "It's scientifically impossible." "Of course I'm your fucking dad." "Frank Gallagher does not fire blanks, lan." "I can remember it clear as day." "1 987, cos they'd just stopped me claiming for my illness." "Doctor said it was a fucking shaving rash." "How do they sleep at night?" "Coming to terms with living with a disability, then bang, "l'm late again, Frank." Whatever you say about Monica, she didn't look at another fella." "Not until she went off with, Norma." "No need." "It were 1 989." "That's what I mean." "1 9... ..80..." "Gary Bennett." "Fucker." "She had a Saturday job in an offie." "He were too fucking tight to give her a discount, so no point..." "She made out it gave her a bit of independence." "He was the manager." ""Gary listens to me, Frank."" "We can all listen when we want to give them one, can't we?" "So it's true?" "Falls into place, don't it?" "Betrayal." "All the way down the fucking line." "How sharper than a serpent's tooth." "No, listen, right." "Whatever that tosspot did to your mum, you are still my son." "You're all my kids." "Even a gobshite like Lip." "Yes!" "Here, remembered." "I need a sombrero and a guitar." "For netball?" "We're making a short film in media studies." "I'm a Mexican street musician." "Liam, shoes on, sweetheart." "I need to get hold of mum." "I just tried." "Answer machine says they're away till the 22nd." "Shit." "(lan) What's up?" "Social services want to visit." "See if Liam's being looked after properly by mum or dad." "(lan) Shit!" " Why were you calling mum, anyway?" " He's trying to find his real dad." "What?" "Frank's not his dad." "Gary Bennett is." "Gary Bennett?" "How long have you known about this?" "There. lt's my best shot." "Ian." "You're full of surprises." "Look, I just find out." "Dad reckons it were the manager of this offie where mum had a Saturday job." "Offie in Eccles." "Yeah, I remember." "I were gonna tell you." "Honest." "Do you want to find him?" "Yeah." "Why?" "We're your family." "is it about the other thing?" "No." "DOORBELL" "Hiya." "Just come off a visit up the road." "Post-natal depression." "Social services been in touch yet?" "We got a letter from them this morning. I mean mum did." "I bet she's shitting herself, isn't she?" "Just kidding." "As long as she turns up sober and remembers your brother's name, we'll tick all the boxes." "I tell you what, you around at dinner time for a drink?" "I've got a lot on today, as it happens." "I could give you a few interview tips." "It helps to know who you're dealing with." "Friends in high places." "I'll be there, you know." "And we still haven't caught up properly, have we?" "No." "Yeah." "Go on then." "Why not?" "Great, look forward to it." "Jockey's your local, in't it?" "(Fiona) Can't you just tell her the truth?" ""l told a white lie and now it's got out of hand."" "Yeah, she'll understand(!" ")" "I may as well tell I shagged Joey while I'm at it!" "Can't you wait until Monica's back from holiday?" "And say Dad's looking after the kids while she's away?" "The last thing we want is social services talking to fucking Frank." "Oh, yeah, right?" "MUMBLlNG" "As far as they authorities are concerned, Dad's dead." "I'm not even Liam's legal guardian." "What are you playing at?" "!" "You've been on their nearly half-an-hour." "She's got a gift, Veronica." "She's helping me with my arthritis." "You haven't got fucking arthritis." "I wish she'd keep an open mind." "She even knew about Kev losing the remote for the telly." "Bollocks she did." "She's messing with your head, Mum." "Fiona, will you get a grip?" "So, you're not officially Liam's guardian." "You're over 21 , you're a better fucking mum than Monica ever was." "Go down the Jockey, see Katrina and sort it out." "You're right." "You're right." "What's the worst that can happen?" "I love you, Fiona." "Fuck's sake, Joey." "I mean..." "I mean..." "You don't." "You can't." "I do." "You're engaged." "You don't even know me." "And we were both totally mashed." "You were. I was on pineapple juice all night." "Oh, shit, Joey." "Please." "Please." "I love you." "Oh, listen to him." "I love you too, honey bunny." "So, what do you think, hey?" "Mr and Mrs Dawson." "Can't believe you're still single, Fiona." "Can you, Joey?" "No." "What's this deep dark secret you wanted to tell me, hey?" "It's not about Ricky Parr, is it?" "No, nothing like that." "It's..." "It's silly really." "I didn't realise it was you at first when you came to the house to see our Liam." "It's more automatic than anything." "Hey, secret admirer over there." "Hello." "You know him?" "Well, to talk to." "I were just saying, she could do with a fella." "Could you?" "Cos last time I saw, you weren't going short, like." "Dirty mare!" "We trying to fix her up, if you're interested." "Sorry, mate, I didn't realise." "I was just having a laugh." "What...?" "No, he's with me, you daft pillock." "Oh, I just thought, cos youse two were getting..." "Oh...right." "It weren't me." "ALL SCREAM" "Just listen. I swear, it was a mistake." "I was hammered. I don't even fancy him." "Oh, no, cos the sperm whale's boyfriend wouldn't be good enough for Fiona fucking Gallagher." "Fiona fucking Gallagher can just take whatever she likes." "Little fucking Princess skinny arse." "Katrina...all that stuff..." "We were kids, for God's sake." "Think that's an excuse?" "Think I've fucking forgotten?" "Sperm whale." "OK. I'm sorry." "But Chatsworth Comp - it was the law of the jungle down there." "Think you were the only one who went through it?" "Yeah, you were fat, and the lads used you as a spunk bucket and they weren't very nice to you." "But you know what, neither were you." "Pov Gallagher, remember that?" ""That same skirt you've been wearing sense year seven, Pov?"" ""Can't afford to come on the school trip, Pov?"" ""Check your change, Pov's here."" "Plenty of times I cried myself to sleep, so don't you make out you were Princess fucking Di, Katrina." "Right." "A bit of advice." "Stay away from my fiancee... ..and tell your family they'd better put their best foot forward at that interview or I'll have your shitarse of a brother taken into care so quick he won't know what hit him." "OK?" "!" "Pov!" "You can start saying your prayers and all, you little twat." "Aaaaah!" "Nipples." "It must help to have big ones when they're feeding." "Must be... lt must toughen them up, all that... (SUCKS)" "Can I help you?" "Yeah, I've come for the vouchers for formula." "The name's Gallagher." "Nigel and Delia." "Sorry, we've got Gallagher Philip, Gallagher lan, Gallagher Deborah." "Oh, they'll be under their mum's address, Eldon Way." "Fuck off!" "I swap you that for that?" "The difference comes out my wages." "But they're unopened." "I've got an arrangement." "Ask Yvonne." "You'd better talk to her." "She'll be in at tea time." "Oh, blood will out." "Gary Bennett." "You wouldn't give your mum a fucking discount at the offi." "Mingy little twat." "I'll mention that when I see him." "It was Eccles." "Fiona told me." "So there's nothing to stop me finding him." "Fuck off to Eccles then!" "Are you serious?" "Are you gonna go?" "Yeah." "There's two in the phonebook." "Debbie looked it up." "Go for it." "All that counts in the end, family." "Cheers." "You know what I meant." "People don't realise." "Leave it to dry, and it's good as new." "I haven't bought a new roll for three years." "I'm not a lesbian, Fiona." "I think everyone's got tendencies, but..." "You don't need to be, cos you'll be pretending." "Playing a part, acting." "Acting?" "You'll be you, but you'll say that you're our mum, cos we think of you like our mum anyway, don't we?" "It sets you thinking though, don't it?" "Like when you imagine if you hadn't been born and someone else had met Frank." "Nigel and Delia hadn't been born either." "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." "Oh, God. I'm sorry." "They've adjusted my Seroxin." "It makes you ever so constipated too." "PEOPLE CHATTER" "(Carol) lf my finger slips, you've had it." "Come on, you lot." "We need all hands on deck." "(Veronica) Keep him still, Mum." "What's wrong?" "He dared me." "We're lucky the house didn't go up, rubbish he eats." "Lighting farts." "Got too close to the lighter." "Don't be such a bloody baby!" "It's only Vaseline." "Where's Lip?" "Anyone got munchies?" "Good night, was it?" "You knew lan was working." "Carol said she'd look in." "She did come really quickly when we shouted." "What's up with him?" "Come on, sweetheart. lt's past your bedtime." "DOOR SLAMS" "Where the fuck's Sheila?" "You're not at Sheila's, Dad." "Dad, bathroom!" "Don't fucking touch me." "Eccles." "You told him, didn't you?" "You in on it and all?" "Whatever." "Yeah, whatever." "You're all the fucking same like your fucking mother." " Don't touch..." " Aagh!" "Piss yourself then!" "Fucking piss yourself!" "What's he done?" "Get him out of here, or I swear I'll fucking kill him!" "Wanker!" "Bastard." "(Fiona) Did he piss himself?" "(Lip) No." "Got him to the bog in time." "Frank Gallagher's proudest achievement - he got to the bog in time." "Puked on the carpet though." "You really don't want lan to find him, do you?" "Gary what's-his-face." "Up to him." "Just don't see the point." "Bit jealous." "Little bastard gets a shot at a real dad, instead of some incontinent fucking sperm donor." "Thing about Dad, you're fine as long as you remember to expect fuck all." "Only useful thing he's ever said to me, not at me, my whole fucking life, when I was little, I was making breakfast." "Dad chucked his slice of toast into the bin, "Fucking useless that."" "Then he showed me," ""Always spread the marge into the corners, right up to the crust." ""Do the corners and you don't have to worry about the middle."" "It's true, as it happens." "Useless fucker." "Right." "Social services are due at 1 1 ." "Sheila's coming round at half ten." "Start with the bedrooms, Carl." "Debbie, bathroom." "Carol, you still OK looking after Liam, yeah?" " What do you want me for, Fiona?" " Oh, yeah." "Marty." "Give me hand with a bit of lifting." "Cockhead." "Marty, slow down." "Where's Sheila?" "Hiya." "You brought the twins." "I've been dying to air these outfits." "Sorry I'm late." "Only I thought it'd help to look a bit more like you-know-who." "It's a bit difficult with my wardrobe so I had to borrow from across the road, but she's on the game, so she's difficult to wake before dinner time." "is it too late to do something about the curtains?" "Hiya." "She thinks you're planning a break-in." "What are you doing here?" "Moral support, whatever that means." "Debbie passed on the details." "Are you going in?" "Might not even be there." "Probably get his wife." "I didn't think about his wife." "What if she's got kids?" "I might have half-brothers or sisters." "Find out." "Go on." "Fuck it, if you're not gonna..." "Lip." "piano music PLAYS" "Sorry, lads." "We've got tea towels coming out of our ears." "No." "I'm..." "Mrs Gallagher?" "Monica Gallagher?" "I'm Maureen Hale from social services." "That's right." "Come in." "Thank you." "Katrina." "We've got your form, Mrs Gallagher, thanks for that." "Liam's doing well, in your opinion?" "Oh, yes, he is. lsn't he, Fiona?" "No problems at all." "There we are, take the pot to the kettle, never the kettle to the pot." "Oh!" "No teaspoons." "On my first visit, I saw some bruising where Liam had been hit by one of his brothers." "Can you tell us how this happened, Mrs Gallagher?" "It was Lip that moved." "As I said to your colleague, it was an accident." "Kettle." "Kettle." "Teaspoons." "Teaspoons." "Hey, love." "Would you get me a teaspoon, please?" "Shall we have a look around?" "I think we've seen everything we need, Mrs Gallagher." "Thanks for that." "You're a very lucky boy, Liam, having such a nice room." "I've got a few questions about the living arrangements." "There seems to be confusion about who lives where." "It's easy. I live next door with my tenants, Carol and Marty." "And everyone else lives here." "(Sheila) The more the merrier." "I take my hat off to you, Monica." "These two looking bonny on it." "Do you get your formula at the clinic?" "Every week." "When I checked our records, the twins are at a different address." "22 Eldon Way." "And according to the clinic, they live there with their mother," "Sheila Jackson." "The twins are yours?" "Of course they are." "So you must be Sheila Jackson?" "No, no. I'm Monica." "Monica Gallagher." "Monica Gallagher's living in Moston with another woman and she abandoned her kids four years ago. lsn't that right?" "She's no better than she should be." "I mean, I'm not." "I'm only human." "She's Sheila Jackson living at Eldon Way." "The twins are hers by Frank Gallagher who died just before they were born." "It's all on the computer." "Dad's dead, mum's gone, these kids are home alone." "I've applied for an emergency care order for Liam." "You fucking cow!" "Home alone?" "Who's home alone?" "Frank Gallagher." "What can I do for you, ladies?" "Am I tit-of-the-year or what?" "I knew it were too good to be true." "You've still got one more left." "The Cedars." "Sounds even cushier." "Did you see his music?" "Wall-to-wall fucking jazz." "You're well out of it!" "Christ." "Dad finds out about this, he'll wanna fuck him himself." "Him?" "If he owes you money, get to the back of the queue." "Oi, Gary." "More people after you." "Ian." "Daddy!" "Fuck off." "Daddy!" "Fuck off, mate!" "What?" "What?" "Who are you?" "Difference between Gary and Frank - zilch!" "Human error, see." "Ghost in the machine." "Literally." "Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." "Computers, you see, Maureen." "Only as good as the person putting stuff in." "Garbage in, garbage out." "Data in a computer literally means what's put in it." "Data, right?" "Not information." "So you're not living at Eldon Way?" "Not to my knowledge, love." "And she's Mrs Gallagher, is she?" "I am proud to say, yeah." "last time I looked, anyway." "I really think that's everything... lf you're happy with the explanation of why Liam's so accident-prone." "Oh, look at him." "Liam, come here, son." "Look at that." "He's got more injuries than Michael Owen." "He broke his wrist last year." "He fell off his scooter, yeah." "(Maureen) What are you getting at, Katrina?" "It's obvious." "She's his care giver and she's not up to it." "Hang on, what are you saying, love?" "She looks after him, doesn't she?" "Too fucking right she does." "And makes a cracking job of it." "Her mum fucked off." "That's a crime, is it?" "Trying to give your brothers and sisters the right start in life." "Paperwork, is that what you want?" "Cos, it's all here, in black-and-white." "All his jabs, right up to date." "Hospital appointments for his...whatsit." "Fitting." "All kept." "Physio for his leg." "Wrist." "All kept." "She misses work for him." "Never complains." "You talk to his nursery." "A few problems, but he's three..." "Four." "(Frank) ..years old." "Bright as a button." "He's got friends, hasn't he?" "His teachers will tell you." "And I'll tell you what." "You can't write it down in a book or sign a form for it or get a fucking voucher." "But, he's loved." "Loved." "By that lass over there." "So put that in Tony Blair's pipe and fucking smoke it. I mean, fuck off." "If that's a kiddie that being abused, I'm Miriam Stoppard." "There's no question of abuse, Mr Gallagher." "I can see Liam's been well looked after." "He's just admitted he lives with her and she's in charge." "And I don't see a problem." "I'll tell you the problem." "I shagged her boyfriend." "You shagged him?" "I thought you fucking snogged him." "It was a mistake." "Oh, yeah?" "A mistake." "You just think, "Here's the man Katrina's gonna marry." ""l know, why don't I wreck her fucking life?"" "She made my life a misery at school." "We were 1 4." "Everyone's life was a misery." "You pissed on my PE kit!" "Sorry for the inconvenience, Mr and Mrs Gallagher." "Personnel." "The odd one slips through the net." "Human error again, Maureen." "Hey, remember." "Data, not information." "(Sheila) Bye." "Bye." "Wedding's still on, you know!" "23rd August, so I don't wanna see or hear..." "Did you really piss on her PE kit?" "No, that was Alison Grant." "I just held the bag open." "(Sheila) And she said..." "And she said..." "She said..." "Sorry." "She said," ""l'm sorry for the inconvenience, Mr and Mrs Gallagher."" "Didn't she, Frank?" "Too fucking right she did." "You played a fucking blinder, Frank." "It's natural, isn't it?" "A father's instinct to defend his offspring." "Like lions." "Come here." "Actually, male lions kill theirs." "I've seen it in a documentary." "New fucking man, me, Debbie." "Frank, I'm proud to call her Mrs Gallagher." "He came straight out with it." "He did." "Do you like the sound of the that, Sheil?" "Hey, hey." "Stop fucking stirring it." "KNOCK ON DOOR" "Sperm and egg, split second, accident of nature." "The nurture, that's being a fucking parent." "Forget about it, will you?" "You've got to tell her." "Tell Katrina we didn't shag." "She already knows we did." "But we didn't." "Joey..." "Didn't we?" "You were totally out of it, weren't you?" "It wouldn't have been..." "So we didn't?" "No." "Fiona!" "You will tell her, won't you?" "My dad's got £80 deposit down on a Gandalf costume." "FRANK SNORES I was lost" "Oh, yeah" "Oh, yeah..." "Lads, you're gonna have to give your dad a hand." "He's worn out." "Oh!" "Come on." "Ian!" "Come on, I can't shift him on my own." "He's not my dad, is he?" "Stop fucking around, will you?" "You can't just fucking resign." "Come on." "(Fiona) Problem?" "No." "Just taking Dad back to Sheila's." "(lan) 'Fiona reckoned it was a first." "'Dad and Sheila actually helping us out for once instead of landing us 'in the shit." "'Not that she'd have wanted them round at ours all the time." "'None of us would." "'You just get used to things the way they are." "'And at the end of the day, it's better the devil you know." "'Early Kylie?" "Totally true.'" "I'm carrying his baby." "Fiona!" "(Man) Had an accident?" "Boo!" "Oh, Jesus!" "Where's my tooth?" "Remember, Frank, no-win, no-fee, and we will win." "If you wanna keep it, you don't have to bring it up alone." "City!" "Oi!" "You bastard!" "Shops had to close down because of him and you don't give a fuck." "I've booked the abortion." "Blood. I've been shot!" "My God, Frank." "What have you done?"