"Come on." "Hey, guys." "Erm, I was just... wanted to see if you're still up." "But..." "Are you OK?" "Me?" "I'm fine." "You don't know me, but if you did, you'd know I'm always fine." "What about your drink?" "You can keep it." "London Spy 01x01" " Lullaby" "'Destination reached." "'Scanning successful.'" "I'll shave his hand?" " I'll shake his hand." " I'll shape his hand." "Shake his hand!" "Shake his hand." "Hello!" "Hi." "I'll sha... ke his hand..." "kis hand." "No..." "No..." "No..." "No..." "No..." "Oh, no." "I'm going to stay in tonight." "You don't feel so good?" "I'm fine." "I wanted to say thank you." "Which I didn't get to say." "Last time." "I just had a hunch." "Sometimes you have to take a chance, right?" "Otherwise, how do you know?" "Obviously I got this wrong." "Oh, sorry." "My name's Danny." "My name is Joe." "So Joe, are you..." "Are..." "I've run out of questions." "Erm..." "Ask me." "Please." "Are you out?" "No." "If you want to go, I can understand that reaction." "I don't want to go." "I work for an investment bank." "It's their apartment." "Security is a concern." "There's a terrace..." "If you want to smoke, I mean." "I'm going to take a shower." "I'll let you get dressed." "I can pay." "No, it's fine, I'm..." "I must be easy to read." "You are." "Is that bad?" "Makes a change." "The people I work with... are inscrutable." "I can be inscrutable." "Did you look through my clothes?" "See you." "Has he rung?" "He will." "A week?" "I've never been more certain of anything in my life." "Why?" "Because..." "That can't be it." "There's more." "There has to be." "You love falling in love." "The moment when it's all possibilities and dreams." "You think he's out of my league?" "The thought never crossed my mind." "Where are we going to drink tonight?" "Somewhere dimly lit and terribly old-fashioned." "So we're on the doorstep, saying goodbye." "And I'm trying to give him Pavel's number, because I don't have a phone except he doesn't write it down." "And I'm like..." ""If you don't want to..." ""if you don't want see me again..."" "And then he says," ""Numbers, Danny, I have no problem with."" "Like he could remember every phone number in the world." "And then... we shook hands!" "If you'd have told me a week ago" "I'd be this happy with a handshake at the end of a date..." "I'm sorry." "I'll stop talking about him." " It's all right, I understand." " It's just the feeling, you know?" "Not being able to think about anyone else." "Yeah." "I know the feeling." "Yeah, course." "Otherwise, how do you know?" "So at some point you're going to talk about yourself, right?" "Not your work, I understand." "That's, er, secret." "But, erm, the other stuff?" "Why?" "Isn't that what you do when you meet someone?" "I tell you stuff." "You tell me stuff." "This is us." "So grown-up." "You drink tea out of a thermos, and you go for... country walks." "I must seem young... compared to the people you work with." "You do." "You're not joking, are you?" "I started university when I was 15." "So you never... messed around?" "In what sense?" "Any sense." "I've been serious for a very long time." "What made you change your mind?" "About?" "About me." "I wondered what it would be like to do these walks with someone." "For a minute I was worried that you were going to say it was cos I made you laugh." "I don't think you've ever made me laugh." "It's not that you won't..." " I understand." " I'm sure you will." " I understand." "So you turn up, on my doorstep..." "Which is wonderful!" "except I never told you where I live." "And I was wondering, and I should say in advance that I don't mind, but... did you carry out some kind of background check on me?" "The way we met was unusual." "Right." "So... you thought "Stranger!" "Seduction!"" "Not that, erm, I'm presuming you're seduced by me." "That's, erm... process ongoing." "Erm, what was I saying?" "Erm, yeah, so you thought, our meeting was part of... a set-up?" "It's fine." "It's fun." "I just..." "I thought you said I was easy to read?" "That would've been the reason you were selected." "The appearance of innocence." "I'm not innocent." "You might be the only innocent person I know." "Can you tell me what your real name is now?" "My name is Alex." "I'd like you to come up..." "If you want, obviously." "If you don't, that's cool." "I want to." "I didn't mean to say "cool"." "You want to." "But..." "It's a little fast." "Well, maybe next time." "You've got to stop shaking my hand." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "OK." "Fuck!" "It's normally tidier than this." "It's never tidier than this." "Had you guessed?" "Mmm, I'd guessed you hadn't slept with guys before." "I'd thought maybe you'd slept with a couple of women." "Can I ask you a question?" "Mmm." "What's stopped you?" "You don't have to answer." "How do you admit to someone you've never been in a relationship?" "Who wants to hear?" "And when they do, who wants to stay?" "I do." "At school I was old." "At university I was young." "I've always been... out of step with the people around me." "In the end, I left it so late..." "I gave up." "I told myself I was all about the mind." "And people found me odd." "It grated on them." "I could see it in their eyes." "And rather than change, I..." "I started playing the role, more and more." "I didn't need anyone." "That's what I told myself." ""I didn't want anyone."" "Did you imagine you'd spend the rest of your life alone?" "Yes." "I can't begin to understand what that must feel like." "You always knew you'd find someone?" "Always." "I can't imagine... what that must feel like." "I'd like to try again." "We don't have to." "You don't want...?" "We can wait." "I've waited long enough." "Drugs?" "I've been using them to make me believe the sex was special." "That the person I was with was special." "But..." "I'd love to know what it feels like for real." "Because I bet it's the best feeling in the world." "Will you stop worrying about me?" "Will you stop worrying about ME?" "You saw me." "What I mean is, you saw ME." "And you asked if I was OK." "And not like most people ask it." "Like they've... asked it a hundred times that day already, you asked it as if... nothing else mattered to you." "And I thought, how is it that this person, who I've never seen before..." "How are they the only person in the whole world who knows?" "That I'm not OK." "And I was sure if I could just find out your name, if I could just find out who you were... then everything would be OK." "What if everything... isn't OK?" "Then we tell each other." "And we deal with it." "Whatever it is, we... deal with it." "Together." "Is there something you want to tell me?" "No." "I'm excited you two are going to meet." "I should've organized it sooner." "A month or two, I could understand." "I'm not so old I can't remember what it's like to be smitten." "But eight months listening to you declare how wonderful he is, while failing to introduce us feels wilful." "Sorry." "Scottie, this is Alex." "Alex, tell me." "What did you make of her?" "Too much?" "That doesn't surprise me." "Danny's always preferred his men to be as straight as possible." "A tedious form of self-loathing, that I've unsuccessfully tried to wean him off." "Scottie, I was telling Alex..." "I hope you told him this is where we first met?" "You must be wondering how an old queer like me ended up friends with a handsome young man like him?" "19 years old, he walked through that door." "As lost as a person could be." "I saw him, in his tatty jeans, with his cropped hair, and his puppy dog eyes." "I could guess his sad story without hearing a word." "I presumed, if I bought him a drink, there wouldn't be a single second when he wasn't hoping for someone better to come along." "But what can I say?" "I'm a soft touch." "So I bought him that drink... and to my surprise, he talked to me for the whole night." "He didn't leave, even when others stalked him." "A small gesture, but it meant a great deal." "And we've been friends ever since." "I'm the one he comes to when times are tough." "And they often are." "Poor Danny has a terrible track record for picking the wrong man." "He's an insufferable romantic." "One of the last." "Does it fall to me to say... don't break his heart?" "I could never hurt Danny." "May I ask, as someone who's been witness to the breaking of many a heart... how you can be so sure?" "Because he is the only friend I have." "I'm pleased for you." "I'm pleased for both of you." "Had you two met before?" "No." "You know Scottie asked if you knew how I became his friend?" "Danny, you don't need to tell me anything." "I love you." "And I need you to know." "I was 19." "Like he said." "It was a bad time." "I'd left home." "I was doing a lot of drugs." "And one night..." "I was wired." "Not happy, not high." "I was numb." "And I posted an ad online... saying that anyone could come round." "And I mean anyone." "My only condition was that they didn't speak." "And people showed up." "I didn't turn them away." "I didn't ask anything of them." "And they must have thought their luck was in, cos... they didn't make a sound." "The next day, I couldn't stop crying." "And I went to see Scottie." "I didn't... know him very well, I'd only met him a couple of times." "But he was the only person I could trust." "And he took me straight to the hospital." "And I was put me on a course of PEP, which is, erm, emergency medication." "I was on the drugs for 28 days." "And Scottie looked after me." "And 16 weeks later I had an HIV test." "And I was clear." "Sorry." "And we were friends." "I've never done anything like that again." "I swear." "I was out of my mind." "I'm always safe." "Always." "I don't know what happened to me that night." "I look back, I don't recognise that person." "And I've never cheated on you." "I don't want to have any secrets from you." "I never want to have any secrets ever again." "Let's go away for the weekend." "Sure." "I have to buy a battery for my laptop." "I can't go without replacing it." "I understand." "Has Alex called for me?" "Has Alex called?" "!" "How long?" "11 days." "What happened?" "I told him." "That you loved him?" "How you and I became friends." "That was a mistake." "Why didn't I shut my mouth?" "!" "Because you needed to know." "Could he still love you?" "I fucked it up." "I..." "I'd fucked it up before I'd even met him." "Have you tried everything?" "Well, there's only one thing left to do." "Accept that it's over." "I can't." "What other choice do you have?" "You'll get over it." "Not quickly." "Not completely." "But enough to carry on." "Trust me on that." "But now, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me." "I have work to do." "You want me to leave?" "I'd never ask you to leave!" "Rest here." "Sleep, eat." "But today, I can't play assistant to your personal life." "Just out of curiosity... did you ever wonder what I might want?" "What you want?" "What do you want?" "Do you want this?" "Is this what you want?" "!" "What do I owe you?" "Five nights?" "Ten nights?" "Tell me!" "Scottie, I'm sorry, I..." "I'm sorry." "We should call the police." "Nothing was taken." "We couldn't even give our stuff away." "'System rebooting." "'Item for Danny Holt.'" "'Destination reached.'" "Alex?" "Alex?" "Alex?" "Aah!" "Police, please." "Police, can you open up, please?" "OPEN THIS DOOR!" "Step aside, sir." "His name's Alex." "He's my partner." "It's his apartment." "He disappeared two weeks ago." "Do you think it might not be him?" "Tell me what you know about..." "Alex." "He's a genius." "He went to university at the age of 15." "He's got no family." "His parents are dead." "Erm..." "He works for an investment bank." "What else do you need to know?" "Do you know... this man?" "Yes." "This is Alex." "Your partner?" "Yeah." "What kind of relationship did you have with him?" "Did it involve sadism?" "Drugs?" "No." "You see, it's hard for me to believe you were in a serious relationship... when you don't even know his name." "This man is called Alistair." "His parents are alive." "He did not work for a bank." "Is it possible... you enjoyed extreme sexual encounters with someone who didn't want you to know their name?" "Is it possible?" "This will stop." "Right now." "He lied." "About everything." "When you introduced us..." "You knew?" "Not exactly." "Our paths had never crossed." "But..." "I recognised the type." "I see them in the corridors of Whitehall." "People with power, and secrets." "Their importance emanates from them." "I felt it." "He worked for MI6." "He was a spy." "Er, Danny?" "The police were concerned you might've taken something from the crime scene." "A personal item?" "Something of sentimental value." "You wouldn't have done that, would you?" "Course not." "No." "Course not."