"66... 67... 68... 69... 70... 71... 72... 73... 74... 75... 76... 77... 78... 79... 80... 81... 82... 83... 84... 85... 86... 87... 88... 89... 90..." "Burt." "Shut that bloody thing up." "Do you know what time it is?" "Burt!" "Burt!" "You stupid old bastard!" "What do you think you're doing?" "Sorry George, what did you say?" "Do you know what time it is?" "I'm sorry, I've got a heck of a lot to get done today." "And you know what they say." ""The early bird catches the worm"." "Well, if you do this again, one more time, I'm calling the cops." "And how about mowing your lawns?" "Its a bloody disgrace to the neighborhood." "Oh, alright." "Hi, kid." "Here we are, the... perfect recipe... two of Chevy... one of Ford." "I think those '36 Chevy pistons... must have a touch of titanium or something in them." "They come up real good, you know." "Hey the kettle's boiling." "Make yourself useful, make some tea." "Can we have a biscuit too?" " What?" " Can I have a Gingernut?" "Yeah, you know where they are, help yourself." "Now you stay over there, stay there." " Right." " What are you doing for Christmas, Burt?" "Christmas?" "I don't know." "Why?" "Are you angling for a present or something?" " No, I wondered if you were going away." " No... no time for Christmas, lad." "Got a lot of work to do." "I only managed twenty seven test runs this year." "You know, twenty four on the beach and three on the road." "All illegal like." "I was going a bit over the speed limit, I'll have to admit." " How fast were you going?" " I don't know, I haven't a clue." "Thats why I have to get up to Bonneville." "Found out how fast she will go." "Now, there you go." "Got to get the piston out of the mould... and Bob's your uncle." "Right, this is... the last part of the operation now." "To chill the metal." "It heat treats it." "Right, watch yourself." "Thats where I got the water for the kettle from." "Well, you know, it gives the tea a nice tang of titanium, doesn't it?" "Now this bloke, he once asked me..." ""How do you heat treat your pistons?" And I said: "I don't, mate"..." "I just, you know, bung them in cold water and Bob's your uncle"." "And he said:" ""Well, thats the heat treatment"... and he just laughed and shook his head and walked away like." "Well, look this could be the perfect piston." "It blooming well ought to be, I've made hundreds of them." "Look at them all up there, all blown to smithereens." " You made all those?" " Yeah, I did." "Look perfect." "Beautiful, no inclusions see?" "Now Tommy, does your mother have a carving knife I could borrow?" "Carving knife?" "Yeah?" "Yeah." "I need a good sharp knife." "Hang on." " Thomas, what are you up to?" " Nothing, Mum." "Can I have some bread and peanut butter?" "Ok, but make sure you put everything away when you've finished." "Sorry about that." "Tom." " Don't forget the wood." " No, Mum." "Right." "I hope to get as much... rubber off as possible." "It has to be perfectly bald, like that, you see." " Why's that?" " Well, at high speed... the centrifugal force... expands the tyre and... it rubs against the frame of the bike." "Have to be careful not to cut through the cords though." " Why do you pee on your lemon tree?" " What?" "Why do you pee on your lemon tree?" " Who says I do that?" " Mum says she sees you... every morning and she goes on and on about it." "Does she?" "Well, its good for it." "You shouldn't waste anything in this world, sonny." " Well, I'd better be off home." " Alright then." "Mum gets a bit cross if I stay over here too long." "She does." " Are you finished with the knife?" " Not yet, I'll drop it by later." "No, don't do that, I'll pick it up after school tomorrow." "Alright." " Bye." " Cheerio." " Burt Munro." " Yeah." "I believe you have my carving knife." " Oh yes." " And my sharpener." "Hang on, here we are." "Well, thanks a lot, love." "G'day Frank." "How are you?" "Oh not bad, could be better, could be worse." "I see your front tyre's going a bit flat on you there, Burt." "Yeah, well, the good news is, its only flat on the bottom." "I'll see you tomorrow night for the fun and games." "I'll be a good one." "Hello, Fran." " Give us the lot will you?" "The usual." " One pension check." "Coming up." "Fran..." "I want to ask you a question, the answer to which is... a definite yes." " Alright, Fran?" " Alright." "Yes." "What is the question, Burt?" "Would you feel inclined to, you know, accompany... an impeccable young gentleman to a local do tomorrow night?" "You're asking me on a date, Burt Munro?" "Well, yeah, I suppose I am actually, aren't I?" " Would you?" " You're on." " Hello, son." " Hey, Burt." "Thas disgusting." "It is, isn't it?" "All dressed up for the do tonight... and I couldn't get my best shoes on... because my toe nails had grown like oyster shells." "Alright... this should do the trick." "There, look at that." "Little twinkle toes." " Thanks, Burt." " Right on." " Evening, Burt." " Thank you..." " this is Fran." " Hello, Fran." "Thank you very much." " Hello, Duncan." " Burt." "Just going to say hello and be back in a second, love, alright?" " How are you?" " Bike going well?" "Yeah, not too bad." " Happy birthday, Burt." " Thanks a lot, mate." "This is a bit of a surprise, isn't it?" "Would you like to buy a raffle ticket or two?" " Whats it for?" " Porky the Pig plus two dozen beers." "We're raising money to send Burt to the USA." "Our mate, Burt." "Hello." "Come on and dance." " Whas this?" "The twist?" " This is the twist." "You know the twist?" "Come twist with me." "See you can twist." " Thats it, thats it." " This must be it, the atomic invasion." "Then the air clears and the dust settles down." "You look outside, have they leveled the town?" "But there, in the yard... so briskly alive... stands Burt Munro's trusty... old Indian Scout '45." "That was a wonderful tribute to Burt." "Now come on Burt, we want you up on stage, come on... come on, up you come." "I hope all of you have bought a raffle ticket tonight... because we believe Burt will put the Southland Motorcycle Club... on the map." "Whats going on out there?" "Get out of here." "Oh, dear." "Well folks, it looks like I've cracked it, I've um you know." "You Burt Munro?" " What did he say?" " I said, are you Burt Munro?" "Are you looking for old Burt?" "I don't know, anyone seen Burt anywhere?" "Anyone seen Burt?" " No, he's..." " You are, you're Burt Munro." "You're the old codger, rides the Army Indian right?" "That old joker." "Burt Munro." "Yeah." "Yeah, thats me I think." "Now the, ah, young fella, the army Indian is a real dog... what I've got is the... genuine article, the 1920 V twin Scout." " Thats the one with the pedals, right?" " Don't put up with that, Burt." "No, well." "Well, I don't know what sort of push bikes you monkeys came into town on... but I know my old timer would trash the backsides of whatever they are." " I don't think so, granddad." " No." "Well, why don't you chaps put your money where your mouth is?" "You're on." "You old coot." " Looks like they've chickened out, Burt." " What?" " Looks like they've chickened out." " They're here." "They're here." "Thats nice of them to show up isn't it?" "A hundred says the Indian comes last." "Right." "Come on, Burt." "Ready, steady... go." "Come on, give me a push." " Come on." " Come on, Burt." "Give me a push." "Come on, push hard." "Bugger it." "Bugger it." "Come on!" "Go!" "Bugger!" "Nice bike, granddad." "Loser." "Thanks, fellas." " Better luck next time." " Better luck, Burt." "There you go." " Well, thanks, love." " Careful, its hot." "Well, at least I gave them a good run for their money." "On the downward leg anyway." "Burt..." "Whats it going to cost to get over to America?" "Sorry, love." "What did you say?" "How much is it gonna cost to get over to America?" "I don't know, about two thousand I'm told." "And how much money have you got now?" "Apart from today's disaster and the dough from last and you know... the pension money I've been saving..." "I'm about twelve hundred and 75 dollars, United States dollars, I reckon." "Well, I could lend you some money." "Thats very kind of you Fran love, but no." "I couldn't do that love." "No, thanks." "Well, there must be something you can do." "Well, I haven't told anyone else this, Fran, but..." "I don't reckon I'll be gonna Bonneville." "I reckon not this year anyway and... you know, seven hundred dollars is a lot of money to find... and the boat leaves in five days." "Except I would like to see how fast she would really go... before I fall off the perch as it were." "Before I ah, kicked the old bucket." "Hello, Lloyd." "Gidday, Burt." "Shame about the fall." "Well, I'm still in one piece aren't I?" "Good, what are you having tonight?" "Specialty of the house, pea, pie and pud." " Thats five bob." " Alright." "Burt?" "Why don't you take out a mortgage on your house?" " What house?" " Well, your property." "I mean its worth something." "Here you are." "Burt Munro, look at the color of your hands." " Whats the matter with them." " You're gonna wash those mitts... before you put them anywhere near me." "There we are." "Wakee, wakee." "Time to rise... and shine." "Burt, you're a sweetie." "Got to get out of here before the neighbors spot me." "Burt, this tastes a bit odd." "Its metallic." "You are my sunshine My only sunshine" "Oh, crikey!" "What?" "I've got a pain in my chest." "He's in the shed, hurry." "Mum, Dad, something's happened to Burt." "Burt, whats wrong with you?" "I'll be alright Tommy, don't worry about me." " Are you sure?" " Yeah." "What are you all staring at?" "Dirty old men need love too." " Mr. Munro." " Hello." "So, whats the story, Doc?" " I'm sorry, its not good news." " Oh, yeah." "Well, fire away." "You've had an attack of angina." "You have arterial sclerosis." "And whats that?" "Its a narrowing of the arteries from the heart." "Oh, dear." "Yeah, I'm afraid there's not too much we can do for you at your age... other than suggesting you take it easy." "Look if you have another attack, pop one of these under your tongue... let it dissolve and then swallow the saliva." "The pain should be gone in thirty seconds." " Yeah, what do you call these things?" " Trinitrate pills." "Um better known as nitro glycerine." " The stuff you blow things up with." " Yes, but in much smaller quantities." "Alright." "Will this have any affect on me riding my bike?" "Unfortunately, I think your motorcycling days are over." "Like hell they are." "It won't be much longer." "Springfield." "Springfield." "Thats where the Indians come from." " Indians?" " Yeah, the Indians... from Springfield, Massachusetts." "The worlïs greatest motorcycle." " Is that so?" " Thats right." " You can come through now." " Alright, thank you." "Yeah, Springfield." "The plan is for me to drive up to Timaru and... then me and my bike..." "will catch a boat to the US of A to..." "Los Angeles, and the boat leaves on Saturday." "And I'll buy a car in Los Angeles... and drive up to Utah, to the Bonneville Salt Flats." " Its really important you do this trip?" " Sure is mate, you know." "Ever since I was a lad I've been interested in things that go fast... you know things that rolls and go and... at Bonneville things go real fast." "Its... this giant dried up lake bed... and it goes for miles and miles and its dead flat... and you can drive a vehicle just as fast as it will go and is." "So is one of the few places on earth... where you can find out just what you're machine is capable of." "In fact here I'm on the, thats me on the front of the New Zealand Motorcyclist." "Thats the Indian there." " Very good!" " Yeah, a few years ago." "So I'd best be off soon... because I don't know how much longer I've got to live you see." "Yes, I don't think I heard that last statement." "I said I don't know how much longer I've got to live." "I heard you the first time." "So... tell me, Burt." "What are you offering as collateral for this loan?" "Well, my tools, my bits and pieces, my trophies and a lot of things like this." "Well, I don't think they'd be of much interest to the bank..." "I think we'd be looking for something more substantial." "Something like the deed of title to your property." " Did you get the money?" " Yep, I'm off on Thursday." "Thursday?" "That soon?" "I wish I could come too." "Oh, maybe next time." "Thomas." "Its dinner time." "Come home now." " Nearly finished, Mrs. Jackson." " Yeah, Mum, we're almost finished." "See you after dinner, Burt." "Alright, lad." "Hey, not so fast." "I'm the record breaker." "Where are you going?" "And thats the... before I put the..." "you know, the streamliner on it." "Whats that one?" "Thas a girlfriend of mine when I first bought the bike." "It was a long time ago that was." "Aren't you scared you'll kill yourself if you crash?" "No... you... live more in five minutes on a bike like this... going flat out than some people live in a lifetime." "And... yeah, more in five minutes." "Thats my Dad there." "And my mum." "They're all gone." "God, its gone by so fast!" "You know, danger is the spice of life... and you've got to take a risk every now and again haven't you, son?" "You know thats what makes life worthwhile." "And you know, having some nice ladies around... will you pick out my bike?" " You really don't get scared?" " No, no." "You know... when I was a boy about your age..." "I had a little twin brother whose name was Ernie... and one day our Dad was out the back cutting down a tree... and... suddenly it got hung up, the tree that is, it got stuck on something and..." "Ernie went to go and help." "All of a sudden the tree... slipped and fell on him and killed him stone dead." "I always remember that." "Anyway, since then I've always tried never to be scared of anything." "Although I must say before... a big bike event I do sometimes get nervous, you know... if the butterflies in my stomach were cows..." "I'd be able to start a dairy farm." "Thats funny." "When they took you off in the ambulance to the hospital." "What happened?" "I don't know, just a touch of indigestion I think." "Yeah, thats all it was." "There's nothing wrong with me, don't you worry about me." "And anyway at my age... any day above ground and vertical is a good day." "Listen, you take care of this until I get back alright?" " What happens if you don't come back?" " We'll talk about that then shan't we." " Hey, Burt?" " Yeah." "Don't forget to mow your lawns will you?" " What?" " Don't forget to mow your lawns." "My Dad goes on and on about it." "He does, does he?" "He says it lowers the property values of the neighborhood." "Well, oh dear, we can't have that can we?" "What are you doing?" "Hello, son." "I'm just getting rid of the grass." "Burt, what the hell are you doing this time?" "Oh, like you said George I'm getting rid of the grass... being a good neighbor before I leave tomorrow." "Tom, Tom!" "Get back inside now!" "Now!" "Honestly, Burt!" " What are they doing here?" " It might be the fire, Burt." "Right, the tyre goes in first." "Thats it." "Thats it, Jeff." "You've got it." "This goes in here." "Pills... license, passport." "Right, lets see, I've got everything?" "Spectacles, testicles, watch and wallet." "What are you laughing at?" "I'm on my way." " Dad says to call us collect." " What?" "Dad says to call us collect." " Thats nice of him." " Tell us how you get on." "Thank you." "Thats our phone number." " Do you think you'll break the record?" " Well, I hope so." "Dad doesn't think you can do it." "Is that what he said?" "He said everyone thinks that." "Well..." "Except me." "You're a good boy, Tom." "I'll tell you something, son." "If you don't follow through on your dreams, you might as well be a vegetable." "What type of vegetable?" "I don't know... a cabbage." "Yeah... a cabbage." "There you are." "Don't lose it, will you?" " I promise I'll look after it." " Right." "So keep an eye on the place for me won't you, Tom." "And... don't forget to feed the fowls." " Thats my job." " Yeah." "And... you can give the eggs to Mum and... what else is there?" "Oh, yes... you can pee on my lemon tree for me if you like, while I'm away." "And there's nothing wrong with peeing on your lemon tree... as Confucius used to say, its the best natural fertilizer in the world." " Who's Confucius?" " He's some bloke who lives up in Dunedin." "Thanks for you help, chaps." " Good luck, Burt." " Thanks, Jeff." " You show them over there in the States." " I will." "Take it easy, Burt." "Thats not one of the things I'm planning on doing, George." "Cheerio, love." "Good luck." "Cheerio, my friend." "If you don't go when you wanna go when you do go, you'll find you're gone." " I'll see ya." " See ya, Burt." "Bye, Burt." " Good luck." " Cheerio." "See ya, Burt." "Look at that!" "Well, Fran, I'm finally on my way." "I thought some more of the blokes from the club... would have dropped by to see me off." "Well, they probably had to work today." "Yeah." "Yeah, thats right." "Yeah, young Tom tells me... that no one thinks I can do it." " Do you think I can do it, Fran?" " I don't know, Burt." "I don't think it really matters one way or the other." "You know, I read something once, years ago." "I learnt it off by heart." "It was Theodore Roosevelt said it... its not the critic that counts... not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles... or where the doer of deeds could have done them better." "The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena." "Wind your window down!" "Down." "What?" "Some beer money." " What?" " Some beer money." "I don't drink." "Good luck." " You go well." " Thanks, mate." "Show them Kiwi's can fly." "Yeah, I'll bring you back the Statue of Liberty." "Good on you mate, thanks a lot." "Hey, not so fast!" "Crikey!" "Take it easy, mate!" "I thought it was a goner." "Better get going." "Yeah, alright... take care of the old jalopy, won't you?" " You look after yourself." " I will." "You've got your pills and everything, right?" "Yeah, yeah, right as rain." " You come back in one piece." " I will, cheerio." "Where's the Captain?" "Down below." " Down the gangway there." " Thanks." "There we are." "I'm looking for the Captain." "Thats me." "My name's Burt Munro." "I'm supposed to do a job to work my passage to Los Angeles." " Yeah, well, I hope you can cook." " Cook?" " I'll give it a go." " There's the galley." "Crikey!" "Who does the dishes, mate?" "You." "Smells good." "What do you have for us today, Burt?" "Its good Kiwi tucker." "Don't let Burt see you doing that." "Here, don't spoil it with all that sauce." " Sorry, Burt." " Stone the crows!" "Are you going to watch the movie, Burt?" " Whats that?" " Are you going to watch the movie?" " Whats it called?" " Broken Barrier." " Its supposed to be good." " Is Jane Russell in it?" "There's a spare seat over here, Burt." "Smoke?" " No." "Not for me, mate." " You don't smoke Burt?" "No, I don't and thats why people say to me... how do you keep going at your age, Burt... and I say, well because I don't smoke... so I'm telling you young monkeys, don't smoke." "You can laugh, but my Dad said... why contaminate your lungs with tobacco smoke?" "The only thing you accomplish with smoking is destroying your lungs..." " and shortening your life." " Kill the lights." "Is Jane Russell in this?" "Go well, Burt." " Thanks, mate." " Not for this." " Good luck to you, Burt." " Thanks." "Remember what I said." "Don't smoke." "I'm trying." "Cheerio, mates." "See ya." "Welcome to the United States." "Customs to the left." "Thank you, good to be here." "G'day." "G'day." "Please, stand behind the yellow line until you are called, sir." "Whats that?" " Behind the yellow line." " Yellow line?" "G'day." "Passport and customs declaration, please sir." "There you are." "How long do you intend to stay in the United States?" "However long it takes me to get to Bonneville and back." "And the purpose of your visit?" "To set a land speed record on my Indian." "Indian?" "Mr. Munro..." " So this is your first time to America?" " Yes, sir." "You gave some rather odd answers to the Officer... so we just have a few further questions we'd like to ask you." " Well, fire away." " Well, lets go over again what you said." "Now what exactly do you intend to do here in the United States?" "Well, set a land speed record." " And how do you intend to do that, sir?" " On my motorcycle." "Its in the hold of the ship at the moment and... they're going to unload it tomorrow." "Its an Indian, a 1920 Indian Scout... modified somewhat." "You know what?" " I think I've read about your bike." " Yeah?" "Yeah, it was in Popular Mechanics, a couple of years ago." "Thats right, thats me." "A Leslie Hobbs from Christchurch sent that story." "What was it?" "Fastest motorcycle in Australia?" "Yeah, and in New Zealand." "Well, I guess you're legitimate, Mr. Munro." "It sounds like we should be very honored to have you here in America." " Well, thank you." " We're going to give you six months... that should be time enough to get the job done." " Welcome to the USA." " Thank you very much." " Good luck, sir." " Thank you." " Gears in the trunk." " What?" "Bags in the back." "Bag, back!" "Don't worry about me, I'll do it myself." "Strewth!" "Sit in the back, in the back!" " What?" " You, in the back!" "Tell you something, mate, you don't want to get old around here." "Ta ra." " Where to?" " What?" " Where to?" " Hollywood." "Yeah, I want to go to Hollywood, I want to see the film stars." "Okay, we go to Hollywood." "Where in Hollywood?" "A motel on Sunset Boulevard..." "I hear thats a pretty great street." "I don't know who you talking to lately." "Which motel?" "I don't know... a recommended one." "Come on man, what do you think I am, an encyclopedia?" "Drop me somewhere and I'll sort it out myself." "Must have a bit electricity bill here." "Firestone..." "Shell." "Its all about cars, isn't it?" "I've never seen so many cars." " You say something, man?" " I said I've never seen so many cars." "Got to get around somehow." "Look, there's a bowling alley." "Do you bowl?" "Whats he honking his horn about?" "Jesus!" "Crikey, did you see that?" "That blokes backing into that geaser's car." "He's crazy, he's nuts." "He did it again." "Don't stare, there's a lot of crazy people in this town." "I've never seen anything like that before." " This should do..." " Whats the damage?" "US$28, plus bag..." " US$29." " What?" "Did you just say what I thought you said?" " Are you deaf?" " What?" " Are you deaf?" " Yeah, I am a bit deaf, but I'm not stupid." " How much did you say it was?" " US$29." "No, I don't want to buy the cab, mate." "I just want to pay the fare, thas all." " Where you from?" " What?" " You a British?" " No, you must be joking..." "I'm no Pommie, I'm from New Zealand." "Well, this is America." "And the fare, right there on the meter, US$29." "Open your wallet and let the moths out." "I'm doing it, I'm doing it." "There you go, US$29." " No, don't forget the tip." " What?" "Yes, we tip in America." "Ten percent." " How much?" " Ten percent." "Oh yeah, there you go, ten cents." "Excuse me, sir." " You look like a generous man, sir." " What?" " You look like a generous man." " Oh do I?" "Yes you do." "Would you like to buy a flower to give to someone special?" "Well, sorry I don't have any cash." "Don't worry, the money goes to a good cause." "Its for an organization that helps needy people." "Oh alright, well, how much is it?" " Just give what you can afford." " Alright, well." "They all look the same to me." "They're all green." " Yes, thats why we call them green backs." " That looks like a one." " Look there's one." " No, thats a ten." " Thanks, you have a good day." " No, thats a ten." "Hey come on miss, thats a ten." "I didn't want to pay that much." "Hey, come back." " Hey baby." " What do you want?" " You wanna go?" " Go where?" " Go inside." " I'm going inside." "I'll take you around the world." "I've just come from halfway around the world." "15 bucks, baby." "15 bucks." "No, sorry, go away." "Hello." " I need a room." " A room will cost you five bucks an hour." "I'm planning on staying a wee bit longer than that." " How long?" " I don't know, a couple of days I guess." " Double occupancy?" " What?" "Double occupancy?" "No, just me, myself and I." "Will it cost a lot because I can't afford a lot." " You a member of Triple A?" " What?" " Are you a Triple A member?" " Never heard of them." "Never heard of Triple A?" "No Miss Brittle Britches, I have not heard of Triple A." "Okay, lets just say you are a member doll." " Alright." " Thatll save you ten percent." "How does 22 bucks a night sound?" "That much?" "Is that cheap?" "Honey, thats cheaper than cheap." " Whats your name?" " Tina Washington." "Well, Tina Washington," "I want you to have this, it might cheer you up a bit." "Get some of that muck off your pluck." "Well, thank you." "Thats the first nice thing thats happened round here all week." "You're welcome." "My name's Burt Munro." "From New Zealand." "I'm from down under." "Well, hello, Burt Munro from New Zealand down under." "I tell you, I've had a heck of a night." "Welcome to Hollyweird." "Hello?" "Anybody home?" " Hello, Tina." " Good morning, Burt." "You still here?" "Thats why you were so crabby last night." "Don't you ever get any sleep?" "I work a night shift." "I'm out of here as soon as James turns up and he's late." "Yeah, could you phone this number for me?" "Yeah, its a shipping company and they've got a big box of mine... and I want to know how to arrange to get it." "No, you talk to them, they'll never get my accent." "Okay, what do you want me to ask them?" "One moment please." "Ask them when a Burt Munro's box containing the motorcycle... will be ready for pick up." "Hello, I'm calling for Mr. Burt Munro." "Yes, he'd like to know when the box containing his motorcycle..." " will be available for pick up." " What ship?" " What ship?" " Rangatira from New Zealand." "The Rangatira from New Zealand." " Its arrived." " So he can claim it?" "Tomorrow from the Long Beach customs holding area." "Okay, thank you, I'll tell him." "Bye-bye." "That was pretty fast." "You're late." "I can't stand another minute in this place." "Let me buy you breakfast." "Well, this is great." "You know, I've never seen a menu with photographs before." " Are you ready to order, sir?" " What?" " Are you ready?" " Oh yes..." "I think the Double Delight, thats for me." " How would you like your eggs?" " What?" "How would you like your eggs?" "Well, I'd like them cooked." "Sunny side up?" "Over easy?" " I don't know, whatever you recommend." " Over easy's best." "Alright, eggs over easy." "Make that two." "Over easy." "I must remember that." "Yeah, I like this American breakfast thing." "Its good." "So my girl, where's the best place for me to get a used car?" "The Valley." "After breakfast I could take you there." "Oh Well, thank you." "And I'm not a girl." "I'm a boy." "I thought there was something a little odd about you." "But hey, you're still a sweetheart." "Yep." "Thanks a million, Tina." "Hey, there are stacks of cars here." " I'll be back in the motel later on." " Bye." "Bye." "How may I help you, sir?" "Yeah, I want to buy a car, a cheap car, a very cheap car." "Well, you've come to the right place, amigo." "In fact, if you can find cars like this any cheaper, they're probably stolen." "My name's Burt, Burt Munro from New Zealand." "Nice to meet you." "I'm Fernando from El Salvador, nice to meet you, Mr. Munro." " You can call me Burt." " Alright, Mr. Burt." "So how much were you looking to spend here Mr. Burt?" "Not a lot Fernando..." "I haven't got much left after the cab ride I took yesterday." "You want US$399 for this?" "It sounds a bit sick." "Well, what would you offer me?" "Listen, I'll give you US$200 if you'll do me a favor." "Through in the use of your workshop... and some of that junk I see lying around..." "I've got to knock up a trailer... to drag my bike over to Bonneville." "Thats not a favor, US$325 is a favor." "No, US$225." "You're a tough customer, Mr. Burt, but I like you..." "I'm going to give it to you for US$250 and you can use the workshop... but only at night and keep the noise down." "What about tonight?" "Yeah, yeah, tonights ok." "Stop the car, lets get this thing running properly." "There that sounds better." " Let me drive." " Okay, come on." "She's singing like a bird now." "Oh, she's a good old girl, isn't she?" "There we are, alright." " You make a left here, Mr. Burt." " Alright." "The buggers are in the wrong lane." "Stop the car, stop the car." "Turn, turn, this way." "Stop, stop the car." "Keep your shirt on." " Scoot over, you stupid old bastard." " Thought I was back in New Zealand... we drive on the other side of the road over there." "Yeah?" "You're going to get us all killed." "Well, you're not in New Zealand, you're in America." " I know it." " We drive on the right side of the road." "Burt." "Let me give you some advice." "When you're driving, not only here in America... but anywhere's around the world... the driver should always be in the centre of the road." "In the centre." "If you're not in the centre... you're on the wrong side of the road." "Okay?" "You want this right here?" "Thats it." "Yeah, good." "Got it." "Its 3 am in the morning." "Yeah, time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?" "You know, when I told you that you could use the workshop at night..." "I didn't mean all night." "My wife's gonna kill me." "You take yourself off home and I'll have a snooze... in the back of the car and you know, mate..." "I'll lock up the place before I go to sleep." "Seems to me a whole lot of effort to sell a lousy US$250 motorcar." "Okay, Mr. Burt, you pull the door down." "Have a good night." "Fernando." "Where do I take a leak around here?" " Leak?" " Yeah, a pee... trouble with the old prostrate, you know." "Yeah, go straight through those doors, there's a door there that says Caballero..." "Alright." "Well, I'll see you in the morning, early okay?" "Good night." "Where were we?" "Burt?" "Good morning, Mr. Burt." " So did you get it all finished?" " Yeah." "All I need to do is find a couple of wheels and I'll be ready to roll." "Well, you know, I have some wheels in the back you can have..." " if you just do me a favor." " Say the word." "Crank her now, Fernando." "Good." " Burt?" " Yeah?" "You're a god damned genius." "Thank you." "Hey listen, why you gotta go?" "Why don't you stick around here a while?" "I'll pay you well." "Sorry, mate, I've got to get to Bonneville by the 23rd... thats when speed week starts and you know, gotta hit the road." " Well, you've always got a job here." " Thanks mate, I'll see ya." " Best of luck to you." " Ta ra." "This guy is really good." "Hello, love." "I was worried about you." "Housekeeping said you didn't sleep in your bed all night." "Do I get a discount for that?" "I doubt it." "I need you to show me on a map how to get to Long Beach..." " so I can pick up my bike today." " I'm finished here in 15 minutes." "I'll come with you." "Not a bad set of wheels for 250 bucks eh?" " You sure i'll make it to Utah?" " Yeah." "This old girl will get you to New Zealand and back." "Here..." " hop in my fair, lady." " Thank you." "The bloke who sold me this car, he gave me a good tip... he said always remember that the driver, thats me... should be on the centre of the road." " Look out, look out!" " Alright." "In New Zealand we always drive on the other side of the street." " You do?" " Yeah, sorry about that." "Do you want me to drive?" "No, its alright, I have to get used to it, haven't I?" "This should be customs right here." "Right." " Hello." " May I help you, sir?" "Yeah, my name's Burt Munro and I've come to pick up my motorcycle..." "I came into port two days ago from New Zealand... and on a freighter called Rangatira... and I was told to come here to clear it through customs." " Mr. Munro." " Yeah, Munro..." "M U N R O." " Wait here a moment, sir." " Thank you." "Mr. Munro is here for that damaged shipment." " Mr. Moonro." " Munro." " Come with me please, to the storage area." " Is there a problem?" "Your consignment has suffered some damage." "Oh, no." "Why the heck did I bother to paint these arrows on the side of it then?" "Thats the way it was delivered here unfortunately." "Well, what happened to it?" "My information is that ten tons of fertilizer... was inadvertently loaded on top of your box... while it was in the hold." "If I was you I'd sue the shipping company." "Sue?" "I haven't got time to waste my bloomin' life suing anybody." "Get some of your blokes to pull... this right side up so we can get into the motorcycle... and see what damage has been done." "Alright, fellows, lets get it unwrapped." "The tail looks alright." "No damage so far." "Oh no damage at all." "Good." " Lucky it was packed so well." " Yes, its a blimmin' miracle." "Well, the old Indian lives to fight another day." "Well, thanks a million, Tina." "I don't know what I would have done without you today... you're the real salt of the earth, you know?" "Are you sure you wouldn't like to come home for dinner tonight?" " I can't, love." " I could cook you a meal." "I've got to get this show on the road, get out of Dodge as they say." "Okay, my good friend from Kiwi land." " You stay in touch, won't you?" " I will." "Here's my phone number." " Call me and tell me how you're doing." " I will." "Can I call collect?" "You can try." " Its a good job I think you're a woman." " I am a woman." "Yeah, right." "Ta ra love, see ya." " Morning." " Morning." "Fill her up, would you please?" "Regular or Ethol?" "Who's Ethol?" "Alright..." "I'll take Ethol." " Hello, young fella." " Hello." " Is this a rocket ship?" " What?" "Is this a rocket ship?" "I hope so." "Oh Gosh." "Whats happened to you?" "Oh well." "Lets have a look at ya." "Got ya!" "Come on!" "I thought we were going to make it you and me... and now look whats happened." " Hello, mate." " Got a problem?" "Yeah." "Am I glad to see you." "Yeah, I've lost a wheel, help me get my rig back on the road, will you?" "Okay, I'll see." "My name's Burt, Burt Munro." "Jake." " You Indian?" " Yes." "Well, this here could be the worlïs fastest Indian." "Well, at least until just now." "She's a bit heavy mind you." "So lets take it easy, one, two, three." "Right." "You live around here, Jake?" "What do you want to ride that contraption for?" "Thats a good question." "Well, I guess the reward is in the doing of it." "Jake, I'm dying for a pee." "Where do I go?" "There's a little building right there." "I've got a touch of prostrate trouble now." "I have similar problems." "I thought you blokes would have... some magic cures for that sort of thing." "Well, we have." "One old remedy is ground up dog balls..." " but I prefer prostrate trouble." " Yeah, I bet you do, mate." "I got you!" "Jake, gotta get going, gotta hit the road." " Burt, I have something for you." " Whats that then?" "Whats this?" " For good luck." " Oh yeah?" "I've never worn jewellery before." "Thanks, mate." "I've got something for you too, hang on about." "Right... lets see." "I've got this, its a spare one, I made it myself." " What do I do with this?" " You got a hacksaw?" "Just slice the top of it, through where the gudgeon pin goes... and i'll make a great ash tray." "Not that I approve of smoking, mind you." " Thank you very much." " Thanks a lot, mate." "So long." " Sorry we couldn't fix your trailer." " Thats alright, I'll get there somehow." "Burt?" "What?" "For the prostrate." "Use with water, plenty of water." "It tastes bad." "Really bad." "Dogs balls huh?" "Well, thanks a lot mate." "See ya." "Hello." "Anyone home?" "Hello." "Hello, there." "I've got a spot of bother with my trailer, lost a wheel." " You're not from around these parts." " No, I'm from down there." " What?" " I'm from down under..." "The other side of the world, New Zealand." "Southern most city in the British Empire." "Called Invercargill." "One of the most beautiful cities on Earth." "Name's Burt Munro." "Burt?" "Ada." " What?" " Ada." "There she is." "We got some problems here, yes sirree." "I tell you what you need to do." "Cannibalize the stuffed axel out of that old Ford right there." "Lucky for you I've got some welding gear." " We'll get a new wheel on there pronto." " Good." "Thats got it." "When you are... finished there..." "I've got something that I want to show you." "Yeah, whats that?" "Never you mind." "You just get that wheel on there right." "Why'd you bring me out here?" "I want to show you this." "What?" "Right here." "I laid my old boy to rest twelve years ago next week." "I sure miss him." "I sure do miss the old boy." "He did his level best." "He did." "I always figured a man's like a blade of grass... he grows up in the spring, strong and healthy and green... and then he reaches middle age and he ripens as it were and... in the autumn they, like a blade of grass... he finishes just fades away and he never comes back." "Just like a blade of grass." "I think when you're dead, you're dead." "I've always thought that, since I grew up." "Is that your philosophy?" "Well, I don't know, yeah, I suppose it is... when you get to my age these thoughts cross your mind sometimes." "Jump!" "Jump!" "Sideways, you fool, sideways!" "My God, man, haven't you ever seen a snake before?" "No, we don't get snakes in New Zealand." "Good God, I ought to move there." " Where's he going?" " Damn rattlers!" " Any more around here?" "Oh, God." " Fancy this?" "You come all this way to bite the dust up at Boot Hill?" "That would be a laugh, wouldn't it?" "Be a laugh." "There you go, there you go." "Oh, my God!" "Where you gonna sleep tonight?" "I don't know, I've no idea." "I don't know." "I had a strange dream last night." "I dreamt about my late... twin brother, Ernie." "I thought he was in the room here looking down on us." "I guess its all that fun and games... at the graveyard." "I suppose." "Oh, well." "Getting old ain't for the faint of heart I'll tell you that." "Oh, God." "What have you done to my back, Ada?" "I am getting old." "Come on old girl, make me a cup of tea, I've got to hit the road." "Ada, come on, you haven't died in our sleep, have you, old girl?" " Make me a cup of tea." " Come here, lover boy." "I'll make it myself." "Thanks." "Now Burt, you promise me you're going to pop in on your way back... because I can always use another little cuddle." "Yeah, thats what I said, Ada, thats what I intend to do." "There's many good tune played on an old Banjo as they say." " And what we don't use, we lose." " Well, thats what they say." "See ya." "Ta ra, darling." "And you have good luck with your Indian." "You should say break a leg." "See ya." "Gidday." "Boy is it hot out there." "I bet the birds fly backwards around here... to keep the dust out of their eyes." " What can I get you?" " I'd like a cup of tea, please." " Cup of tea?" " Yeah, best drink... for quenching the thirst when the weather's hot." "We haven't seen a cup of tea in here ever." "We got Coors, we got Schlitz or Miller or Coke and whiskey." "Well, I'll have coke then." "You know smoking's bad for you, don't you?" " Is that so?" " Yeah." "Personally I don't smoke and I don't drink." "I had the right education from my dad on that one." "He was like King James the first, great anti-smoking man." "Sounds like you're on a one man crusade there grandpa." "Yeah, well, you're born with one pair of lungs so why destroy... them with that muck?" "Where are you from?" "Where's your home town?" " You English?" " Heavens no..." "I'm no Pommie, I'm from Invercargill in New Zealand." " Where?" " Invercargill." "L-N-V-E-R-C-A-R-G-l-L-L." "I spell it with one L sometimes to save ink." " Got any of those critters over there?" " Oh yes, much bigger though... we breed them down there on big farms... and we cut off their antlers and send them over to Hong Kong and they... grind the antlers into dust and they eat that stuff... must be some sort of aphrodisiac or something." "Puts lead in your pencil." "You could do with some of that, Leroy." "Your girlfriend?" "Wife." "Oh, dear!" "You alright?" "Did you decide to leave Jackie a tip after all?" "Look sir, if you're not feeling well you should drop in to the hospital... in the next town." "Alright." "Roll down your window." "What?" "Whats the problem?" "You're parked illegally." " You're a danger to the passing traffic." " Am I?" " Lets see your driver's license." " Yeah, alright." "Here you are." " Where are you from?" " From New Zealand." "Thats the land of the long white cloud." "Aotearoa." "Home of the kiwi bird." "Well, I don't care if you're from Mars, you cannot stop here." "Alright." "You cannot stop on the side of this road, you're parked illegally." "Okay, well, sorry, I was having a bit of a heart attack and... well recovering from one anyway." "Yeah, well, next time, how about we stop at a proper rest area." "Yeah, alright, okay." "Name's Burt Munro." "Sorry about that." "Oil's OK." " Thank you." " Thats alright, sir." "Excuse me." " Hi, there." " Hi." "Listen, I was wondering if I could catch a ride?" "My car, she just broke down and I'm really trying to get to Salt Lake City." "I'm only going as far as Wendover, thas where I'm stopping." "Well, anything would be better than nothing." " Ain't that the truth?" "Hop in, mate." " Hey, thank you." "I'm going to go see my girlfriend... she just moved from LA to Salt Lake, so." "I'm home on leave from 'Nam." " What?" " Vietnam?" "Oh, yeah." "Hey, what is that you've got strapped on back there?" "That, young fellow, is an Indian." "Motorcycle." "So what are you doing in Vietnam?" "I'm involved in operation ranch hand." "Oh, whats that?" "Farming or something?" "No, not exactly, we just started this program... we are spraying the jungle from the air with herbicides... so the enemy, the Vietcong, don't have any place to hide." "Agent Orange we call this stuff, it comes in these big old orange drums." "How is it working out?" "Well, I'm home on two months leave and I've got to get my arse back there." "We should have this war done in 6 months or so, thats what they keep telling us." "Can't wait to get my arse out of there to tell you the truth." "Yeah, I remember the Great War in 1914..." "I was about your age and thats what they kept telling everyone." "Soon be over." "20 million dead and four years later it was still going on." "Not as bad as the big flu epidemic though." "Killed 21 million, that did." "Maybe more." "Every day, when I left to go to work... my mum would spray some formalin on my shirt... and maybe thats why I didn't catch it." "Or maybe I was just lucky." "You never know." " Knock on wood." " Yep." "You know, life's a funny thing... you never know whats around the corner, do you?" "Your shaving brush." "Has had its day." "It won't achieve." "The Modern way." "Burma Shave." ""She doesn't kiss ya like she used to?" "Has she seen some smoother rooster?" "Burma Shave." "These signs we dedicate... to men... who've had no date of late." "Burma Shave"." "Yeah, thats us." "Well, you anyway." "Look at that." "Thats a cowboy and a half." "I was thinking I'd come out to the Salt with you." "I'd like to be there the first time you see it... its only a couple of miles up the road so." "Yeah, alright then, that sounds good." "Looks like there's a lot of people in town for speed week, huh?" "Yeah, looks like it." "This is it, Burt." "We're gonna take a left right up here." "Bonneville..." "I mean I can't believe it." "I mean I'm here, I've made it." "I've made it." "You know, all my life I wanted to do something big." "Something better and bigger than all the other jokers." "This is it, Bonneville." "This is the place where big things happen." "Do you realize, Rusty, the fastest man has ever gone on land is here?" "Right here, where we are now." "Malcolm Campbell did it here, with a Bluebird." "First guy to go over 300 mile an hour... and then later his son, Donald Campbell was here with Proteus." "He crashed at 350 mile an hour and lived to tell the tale." "John Cobb was here." "First guy to go over 400 mile an hour." "All the great attempts." "George Easton with Thunderbolt and..." "Mickey Thompson with Challenger." "I'm telling you, Rusty, this place is holy ground, mate." "Holy ground." "And I made it here." "Well, Burt." "Thanks a million." "I'll be looking for you in the record books." "You take care out there in Vietnam, won't you?" "I'll be trying." " Okay, mate." " Drive safe." " See ya" " See ya." "God." "Jesus." " Gidday." " Hey, there." " Its going to be a great day." " Yeah." "Still... no wind." "Lovely day for a run." "Salts in good shape." "Yeah." "Firm and dry." "Dead flat." "No soft patches." "Not like the beach." "I can do it here." "Yep." "This week." "Its what we're here for." "Wow, is that yours?" "Yep." "Gosh, she's a beauty." "I bet she goes fast." " That yours?" " Yeah, thats an old Indian." "My name's Munro, Burt Munro." " From down under, New Zealand." " A long way from home." "Jim Moffatt, San Jose, California." " Nice to meet you, Burt." " Good to meet you, Jim." "Lets get to the start line." "The race is about to start and all the racers are excited." "This car is driven by Jim Moffatt, San Jose, California." "The other pilots are..." " Come on, guys, 15 minutes." " Come on." "Come on, lets go." " Morning." " Hello, Burt Munro." " Mike." " Hi, Mike." " Are you checked in?" " No, not yet." "Well, you've got to remove the shell before we do the tech inspection." " Where do I check in?" " Its just over there." " Thanks, fellas." " Okay." "I gotta see this." "Hello, I've come to check in." "Munro, Burt Munro." "Registration number?" "What?" "Registration number." "I don't see your number here." "No, its number 35." "Its on the side of my motorcycle over there, thats my lucky number." "Have you registered?" "No, thats what I've come over for." "These two blokes sent me over here, Mike and someone else." "Sir, registration closed last month." "If you haven't registered, I'm sorry, you just can't run." "I can't run?" "Well, how was I supposed to know I should have pre-registered?" "I've come a heck of a long way to ride my bike." "I'm not going anywhere until I've done just that." "I've come all the way from New Zealand, you know." "Its a long way." "Look, mister, we don't make the rules." "An event like this doesn't just happen in one day, rules are rules." "Entries closed July 31st." "Well, crikey, I live in Invercargill, its half way round the bloody earth." "How was I supposed to know these things?" "I didn't know all this stuff." "Sir, its not our problem." "I thought I could just turn up here and have my bike timed." " You don't have to call me..." " Well, you thought wrong." "Jim Moffatt!" "Its Burt, Burt Munro." "Can you come over here, mate?" "I'll be right back." "I need a bit of help." "Hey, Burt." "Whats up?" "Well, I have these blokes telling me I can't run my bike... because I'm not pre-registered." " You didn't register?" " No, I didn't know anything about it." "You know how it is Jim, rules are rules." " You should have registered months ago." " I didn't know." "I'll have a talk with these guys later, see if I can change their minds." " Your blooïs worth bottling." " I don't know about that." "Look, we can talk about this later." "Maybe you can let him go through tech inspection." "Get that out of the way?" "Just in case we can let him ride." "You're asking a lot." "Alright." " Okay." " Alright." " Make me proud." " Thanks a lot." "You give me a bit of a fright there." "You know these don't look like high speed tyres." "Well, they are high speed tyres." "Look at these hairline cracks, these tyres have got to be 25 years old." " What happened to the tread?" " What?" "I said, what happened to the tread?" "Well, I cut it off, thats what happened to the tread..." "I cut it off with a carving knife... otherwise it wouldn't be a high speed tyre, would it?" "What are you talking about?" "Well, you've got to keep the weight in otherwise when you get to a high speed... the centrifugal force will the tread right off, wouldn't it?" "I run them on 65 pounds of air and that tyre's safe up to 300 miles an hour." "I guarantee it." "These are high speed tyres and I made them." "Well, you're going to have to replace them." "The suspension here is a leaf spring..." "I mean can we pass that?" "Geez, last leaf spring on a motorcycle must have been in the 1920s." "Well, it is 42 years old." " These brakes look completely inadequate." " Well, I'm planning on going, not stopping." "Well, the brakes were old fashioned 40 years ago." "Is this a hinge of a gate post?" "No, thats from an old kitchen door." "Let me just ask you what is this?" "Its a cork, what does it look like?" "Its a cork from a brandy bottle." "You know, the thing is its all about weight." "The less weight, the faster you go." "And where's your chute?" " What?" " Where's your parachute?" "I'm not planning on bailing out." "No wait, you've got to have a safety chute." "Well, I can't afford one." "These forks, if they give out we've got ourselves some real problems." "I think I'd have a bit of a problem that way, wouldn't I?" " Where's your fire suit?" " What?" "Where's your fire suit?" "Good heavens, man, I don't intend to burst into flames." "Always wear me old suit pants for good luck." "If they were good enough to get married in... they're good enough to ride this old girl in and no..." "I tuck the legs of my pants into my socks like this... stop them getting caught in the chain and Bob's your uncle." "You've got your suit pants, what are you gonna wear on top?" "What?" "You've got your suit pants, what do you intend to wear on top?" "Yes, a black woolen shirt, New Zealand wool, water resistant, fire resistant... and me bash hat." "Bash hat?" "Yeah, crash helmet." "You're crazy, you've got to wear at least a leather jacket on top." "You put the bike down on the salt, its like coarse sand paper... its going to rub your head right off." "I couldn't get into the shell... with anything bulkier than the shirt on my back." "Its a very tight fit in there." "Straight out of the ark." " What did you say?" " Straight out of the ark." "Don't be so cheeky." "Whats your name, young man?" "McFarlane." "Mike McFarlane." "I knew a McFarlane, he used to sell milking machines in Timaru." "You must be related to him because he was a total prick." "Look here, you don't even have a fire extinguisher installed." "Mike McFarlane used to give me milking machine parts to make my sprockets with." "How old are you?" "I don't know, he was about 35 when I knew him." "No how old are you?" "His brother owned a general store down in a place called Bulls..." " thas a town in New Zealand." " Sir, your machine is not safe." "I've been doing this for 43 years and I'm still here to tell the tale." "Time's change, we started taking airplanes instead of riding horseback." " Horse power?" " Horse back." "Horse back." "Horse back, yeah." "I got you, yeah." "You're too old." "Bollocks." "I may have this saggy skin on the outside... but on the inside I'm still 18 years old... and I'll give you a run for your money, young fella." "You need some help?" "Hello." "Rollie Free, Marty Dickerson, we're a couple of bike fans." " Burt Munro from Kiwi land." " Pleasure, Burt." "You got me good there." "Where are you staying?" "Thats my salubrious accommodation..." "I usually sleep at night in the back seat." "Salubrious you say Munro, huh?" "We've been hearing a lot about you." "Sounds like you're cutting your finances mighty fine." "Yeah, you could say that again." "We'll we're up at the Western Ridge, why don't you drop by... it looks as though you could use a good shower... and everybody's staying there and I bet that there's a spare bed there too." "Thanks a lot, you yanks are classic you know that?" "You don't catch me that easily." "Hey, Burt." "Hello." "The front forks could go at any time... the suspension is right out of the 1920s." "Got hairline cracks all over his tyres... he's got no fire extinguisher, no safety chute." "I told you, if its a time problem, the old guy's welcome to use some of my time." "Its not a time problem, its a bike problem." "Well, I think we ought to let him run." "He came all the way from New Zealand to do this." "Jim, have you had a good look at his machine?" "All I know is the man's the genuine article." "Yeah, but the bike is the genuine dinosaur." "Look, we carry the cans for the decisions around here." "And if he kills himself and there's about a 100 to 1 that he will." "Are gonna have a hell of a lot of trouble on our hands." "Yeah, sounds like we're a bunch of chicken shits if you want my opinion." "His bike didn't even come close to passing tech inspection, Jim." "Burt." "Hello, Jim." "Come in." "Rollie Free said I could find you here." "Rollie Free, he's the best, he's a real gentleman." "He set me up in this place for nothing." "What are you doing?" "Well, the soft shoe polish fills in the cracks makes the tyres..." "look spick and span, good as new." "Cheaper than new ones anyway." "I didn't see that." "Well?" "Can I run?" "I'm sorry, Burt." "Who the heck do they think they are?" "Crikey Jim, you know, I'm not trying to run a mile in four minutes... all I've got to do is sit there and open up the throttle..." "I mean, after all its my ruddy life, isn't it?" "Can't you do anything?" "I mean, I just want to try and get her to go over 200 just once thas all... once I've cracked 200 I'll be quite happy... to piss off back home to New Zealand and Bob's your uncle." "You're a well respected man around here, can you talk to them?" "I tried." "You've got as much chance of writing yourself off as I have... you know that." "Just talk to them again." "I know they'll listen to you, mate." "Okay Burt, I'll try." "See you tomorrow." "Okay." "I mean I'm half the age of some of those characters out there." "Whats that?" "Thats just indigestion." "Everyone wants us old buggers to curl up in some quiet corner and die." "Well, Burt Munro's not ready to finish yet, I'll tell you that, mate." "I'll give it a shot but I'm not promising anything." "Thanks, mate." "Thanks a lot." "The famous Challenger One..." "What is he doing?" " Didn't Jim tell him?" " He says he did." " Well, then whats he doing here?" " Why won't you let him run?" "Hey, he's too old and his bike's too old." "He's come half way round the world to ride that cycle." "Yeah, come on." " Wendy, if he was to kill himself." " So?" "Its his life." "Keep an eye out for those officials." "You sure you want to do this?" "I'm not sure its a good idea." "Hurry up." "If we're going to do this thing you've got to hurry." "Alright, lets go, here's your helmet." "Here's your goggles." " Come on, Burt." "We've got to go." " Yeah, right." "Come on, put them on." "Go, go, come on." "Okay, lets go, push." "Push, go fast." "Hey, you can't." "Hey..." " you can't do that." " Come on, come on!" "Hang on!" "Hey, where are you going with that?" "Stop, stop, stop, stop." "What the hell are you doing, Burt?" "What the hell are you doing?" "Just getting her warmed up, Bob." "Didn't look like you were getting her warmed up." "Jesus, he was going to take the thing for a freakin' run." "Bob." "Oh, boy." "That is the most determined man I have ever seen in my entire life." "I kind of feel sorry for the old cooty." "Coming all this way." "Isn't there some way we can accommodate him?" "I mean there can't be much risk there... his bike will be lucky if it does 70." "What do you say?" "What if we bend the rules this once, huh?" "Jesus!" "Bob and I had a little chat... and we're thinking we're gonna organize a handling run for you." " You are?" "What?" " A handling run." "All the officials, we're gonna get into our vehicles and..." " You're joking, huh?" " No, I'm not." "We're going to follow along behind you... and we're going to see if you're okay to ride this beast." "Of course I'm okay to ride it." "First thing tomorrow morning, alright?" "Bright and early." "Well, thanks fellas." "Hey." "My luck's in then." " You alright?" " Yeah." "Don't hurt yourself." "Okay, everyone listen up." "This is what we're gonna do." "Burt, you're gonna get rolling... ride slowly along." "We'll all jump in our vehicles, follow you down the track." " See if you can handle this thing." " I'll handle her alright." "Alright." "Everybody got that?" "Okay, everybody, lets get in the cars." "Hope that old man doesn't make a fool of himself." "Here we go." "I'm ready, lets go." "Push it!" "Faster, boys." "Go, Burt!" "Sixty." "Sixty-five, seventy." "That a boy, Burt." "Seventy-five." "There he goes up to eighty, eighty, eighty five." "Ninety." "Ninety-five, look at that thing go." " Holy smoke." " He's leaving them behind!" "What the hell is that old guy up to?" "Nobody told him he could give it everything." "I guess that solves the question of whether or not he can handle it." "We were doing ninety-five and he left us in the dust." "Look at him go!" "That a boy, go, Burt." "Hold her firm." "Hold her firm." "Got it?" "Don't let it go." "That was a disaster!" " Hey, Burt." "How'd it go." " Not good." "So, whats the verdict?" "When you opened up there in top gear you sure left us in the dust." "I couldn't even get her out of second gear, Earl." "The plugs were oiling up, I had to feed her more juice up the revs a little." "Well, I guess we'll see if you're telling us the truth, Munro." "Are you telling me I can officially run on the track and have it timed?" "Thats what I'm saying, Burt." "You'll never know what this means to me, Otto." "25 years I've lived for this day, 25 years." "Sometimes you've got to bend the rules a little, today's one of those days." " Thank you from the bottom of my heart." " Thank you." " What did they say?" " What happened?" "They said I could run." "Thats great!" " So why the long face then?" " Well, I don't know... its just starting to sink in and I've got a problem a big problem." "As soon as I go over a hundred and ten it starts to wobble like heck... a bad speed wobble." "Well, it did look like you were about as stable as my last wife." "I've got a theory and I think I'm right." "I need about twenty car batteries." "Twenty?" "Is it ok to steel these batteries, Burt?" "We're not steeling them Marty, we're souveniring them." "Careful of that acid there." "What do we do with them now?" "Well, we're going to talk someone into lending us a painter's blow torch." "A painter's blow torch?" "What are we going to do with all this metal, Burt?" "Well, when this cools down, we'll have ourselves a lead brick." " What do you do with a lead brick?" " Place it in the front of the motorcycle." " And thats your plan?" " Yeah." "Well, you must get the center of pressure behind the center of gravity... and if you don't get it right then she'll start to fish tail..." " when you get her wound up." " What do you mean by fish tail?" "Well, like a fish's behind you know." "I'll start doing that." "And thats what happened today when I had the handling run." "And so in a panic I lifted my head up from behind the screen... and suddenly the bike started to go straight and..." "I knew I'd solved the problem somehow by sticking my head up into the wind." " I don't get it." " Me neither." "Well, I'll show you." "Let me have that." "What are you doing?" "Lmagine the cigar is my streamliner." "Don't poke holes in the cigar." "Now if I hold it in the middle and blow on it." "Like so." "See how unstable it is?" "Now if I..." " shift the..." " Not again!" "Center of pressure here." "And blow on it." "See its much more stable." "Just the center of pressure is behind the center of gravity... and thats what I'm trying to fix with the lead brick you see." "You're quite clever, did you know that, Burt?" "Now all I need to do is to test my theory before I run on the salt... and I was thinking of, you know... crossing over the state line from here in Utah to Nevada... where there's no speed limit and running with a lead brick in the front of it." " Good morning." " Morning." "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" "Yeah, about... 150, 160 miles an hour." "Yeah, that sounds about right." "How's he going to talk his way out of this one?" "He sure got his arse in a sling this time, don't he?" "So whats the situation with this thing?" "You don't have any license plates on it." " Its registered in New Zealand." " New Zealand?" "Yeah, thats where I come from." "Alright, you mean to tell me... that this contraption of yours is registered for the road?" " Yeah, in New Zealand." " New Zealand, right." "Well, how about taking it easy here in Nevada?" "Just because we don't have a speed limit don't mean..." " we want people killing themselves." " No, sounds fair enough to me." " Right, you have a good day then." " I will, thank you." "Burt, everything OK?" "Well, fellows, we're going to have to give the lead brick... the old Spanish archer." " Spanish archer?" " Yeah, the big elbow, you know." "The lead brick has got to go." "Who's stupid idea was that anyway?" "It was yours." "Yeah." "Well, I'm just going to have to ride her, the way she is." "What about that speed wobble?" "Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there." " I've got another problem too." " Yeah, what now?" "Well, when I get her going... there's an enormous amount of heat comes off the exhaust pipe... and I hope it doesn't cook my leg." "Maybe you can wrap some asbestos cloth around it, that should fix it right." "Thats a good idea." "So you got any more problems you want to tell us about?" "Yes, yes, my old ticker." " You've got a bad heart?" " Yes, I have." "I've got a little surprise for you." " What?" " Close your eyes and give me your hand." " What?" " Just close your eyes." "Come on." " What for?" " Because I said so, mister, come on." "Keep walking." "Wendy, you're not going to make a fool of an old man I hope." "I'd never do that, Burt." "Never." "Never." "Okay." "Okay." "Now turn around." "Alright." "Now, hold your hands out." "Put that in your pocket." "Alright." "There we go good." "You can open them." "What are you all staring at?" " What is this?" " Burt... we've unanimously voted you here on the Salt planes, sportsman of the year... because we figured nobody has ever traveled as far as you have... to be here for speed week... so normally we would present a trophy or something like that... but considering your case we thought a few extra dollars... would be more appreciated so we past the hat around." "My goodness!" "There are no words." "Well, thank you all." "Thank you all very much." "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say." "Oh dear, its quite overwhelming you know... its 25 years dream to come here." "I should try to justify you, your respect and... you know the original speed of my old bike was 54 miles an hour." "And today I'm hoping to, you know, improve it a little." "The cars are at the start line now." "The next one is the 86..." "On the bucket seat the pilot is ready to be pushed out." "Next competitor is Burt Munro." "All the way from Invercargill, New Zealand." "Burt Munro's entry was approved just yesterday." "Burt, where'd you get this stuff?" " What?" " I say, where'd you get this stuff?" "I tore an old electric blanket apart and got the asbestos cloth out of it." "You got those heart pills?" " Are you okay?" " Better take one, yeah." "They're almost ready." "Guys, come on, lets go." "You know the bottle says that they may cause drowsiness..." " do not operate machinery." " I know that." "Well, you're not supposed to take two of them anyway." "One for me and one for the old girl." "Nitroglycerine." "Should make it go faster." "Have some of this, love." "There you go." " Yeah, we're almost there." " Alright, here we go." " Hold her still." " Your goggles." " What?" " Goggles." " Put your goggles on." " I know, calm down." "I can't get my leg in because of the asbestos cloth on it." "Let me take it off." " What about your leg in that heat?" " Screw it, I've got a spare one." "Right, Burt." "Get those goggles." " Ready?" " Alright, you know the way." "Make sure you come back." "Come on, lets go!" "Right, push!" "Come on, fellas." "Push faster!" "Keep running." "Keep it straight, buddy." "Bring it in, Burt." "Come on." "Go, go, go..." "Lets go, Burt!" "Come on, Burt!" "You can do it, Burt." "He's got no parachute, he's got no brakes." "158.647." "Mile one, 158.647 miles per hour." "Go, Burt!" " Go on!" " Go, Burt!" " Make us proud, honey!" " Burt!" "167.921." "Mile two, 167.921 miles per hour." "Break it, Burt." "Come on!" "Go, go, go!" "Come on, Burt." "Mile three, 171.371 miles per hour." "Come on, come on, come on!" "Mile four, 172.485 miles per hour." "Yeah!" "Come on!" "Mile five, 183.694 miles per hour." "193.728." "Mile six, 193.728 miles per hour." "Come on, come on!" "Come on, Burt." "You can do it!" "Come on, Burt!" "Mile seven, 194.211 miles per hour." " Go, Burt!" " Burt, go!" "What is it?" "201.851." "Mile eight, 201.851 miles per hour." "Ladies and gentlemen, thats a new record... 201.851 miles per hour." "Burt, I hope you're going to stop soon." " He's gone back!" " Back where?" "Back to whatever planet he came from because he sure ain't from this one." "I really did toast my leg." "I did it." "I did it." "Tom, can you get that, my hands are wet." "Hello?" "This is the United States calling I have a collect call from Mr. Burt Munro... will you accept the charge?" " Mum, its Burt calling collect." " It is?" "Accept the call, accept the call!" "My mum said we can accept the call." " Go ahead, sir." " Hello Tom, is that you?" " Yes." " Its me, Burt." "I did it Tom, she's the worlïs fastest Indian." "She is?" "Dad, dad!" "Dad!" "He did it!" "Burt did it!" "He set a new record." "How is it going?" "Hello, mate!" " Hey, Duncan." " Congratulations, Burt." "Hello, Frank." "How are you?" " Welcome home, Burt." " Hello, George." "My goodness, you've made this place look spiffing, mate." "You did us proud." " You put Invercargill on the map." " Well, I reckon so, yeah." " What have you got planned now?" " Right now I've a lot of work to do... if I'm to get back to Bonneville next year, you know." "So, more early mornings then?" "Yeah, more early mornings." "Hello, love." " Welcome home." " Nice to be back." " Hello, Tom." " Hey, Burt." "How are you, son?" "Good to see ya." "You're growing up a bit, huh?" "I looked after your lemon tree just like you told me." "You did, yeah." "Its doing well isn't it?" "Yeah, its beautiful." " I fed the chickens." " You did?" " And mum cooked all the eggs." " Oh, yeah..." " did they taste good?" " Yep." " Yeah, good." "Have you got my key?" " Here it is." " Right thanks." " I took good care of it." " I knew you would." " How fast did you go?" "Mighty fast." "In one of my runs I did over 200 miles an hour." "What would happen if you opened your mouth at that speed?" "Well, you'd blow the backside out of your pants I reckon." "Right, lets see." "Its nice to be home." "Back in my shed."