"Where have you been?" "We were supposed to run lines." "Shopping." "What a surprise." "So, what did you get yourself?" "It's not for me, it's for Taylor." "It's his birthday today." "It is?" "Today?" "Yeah." "I got him this really great pair of ski gloves for his trip to Aspen." "You forgot, didn't you?" "This is a total disaster." "What am I gonna do?" "Well, just be honest." "Taylor's a grownup." "He's had his heart broken before." "Okay, wait." "This is a no-brainer." "We could just say the present you bought him is from the both of us." "You know, we could... but then you just wouldn't learn a very valuable lesson." "You're an executive producer and you have responsibilities." "And one of your responsibilities is remembering a cast member's birthday." "You know what?" "You are so right." "So, why don't you go give your present to Taylor... and I'll be right there with mine?" "Sorry." "Happy birthday, Taylor." "Wow, you remembered." "That is so nice." "Oh, my God." "This is so sweet." "This is just like the one I wore in Episode 18." "I love this jacket." "Yeah, it's from the both of us." "This is insane." "I'm not gonna throw a sweet sixteen party for the girls at the Hollywood Bowl." "It's a major milestone in their life, and it should be special." "I remember my sweet sixteen party." "Wait, isn't, like, sweet sixteen a girl thing?" "I don't wanna talk about it." "Mom!" "Zip it!" "In here." "Okay." "Mom, Dad... we just wanna make sure we're on the same page for our 16th birthday." "The "we don't want a party" page." "We just don't wanna make a big deal out of it." "So, let's treat this like any other birthday." " Hey, I'll save a lot of money." " Okay." "But instead of a massive blowout, we will happily accept massive presents." "Yeah, we've registered." "Too much?" "Look, girls, if you don't want a party, then I won't throw you a party." " So, no party." " No party." " We just want that to be clear." " You couldn't be more clear." "All right." " They so want a party." " I'm gonna book the Hollywood Bowl." "We need to get Riley and Chloe something really special." "I've saved all my tip money." "What can we get with this?" "String." "And not the good kind." "Okay." "Do we get them something separate or something they can share?" "I think we should get them something separate..." " Me, too." " ...that they can share." " Thanks for clearing that up." " Sure." " Got it!" " I got it!" " What?" "You go first." " A video." "We can make them a video." "I was thinking of a motor home, but yours is probably gonna be way cheaper." "It's perfect." "It's inexpensive, it's personal, they can keep it forever." "Besides, I've always wanted to direct." " Yeah, you know, and I could do the music." " Awesome." "We don't have a camera." " Motor home." " Come here." "Hey." "Okay, so, I was giving some thought to the girls' birthday." "How about the four of us just drive up to Napa Valley?" " After the party." " What party?" "Well, turning 16 is a big deal." "Obviously, we're gonna throw a huge party to celebrate." "Okay, am I the only one that was listening... when the girls said they didn't want to make a big deal out of this?" "Come on." "I think I know them well enough to know what they really want." "What does that mean, "I think I know the girls well enough"?" "I'm with them all the time." "I get it." "I get it, yeah." "I live five miles down the road in a trailer." "How can I possibly know our girls as well as you?" "Okay, got it." " Jake." " No, no, no, no." "You have fun throwing the girls a party they don't even want." "Should I take his name off the program?" "These sweet sixteen parties always seem to take on a life of their own." "Yeah, Riley and I just wanna keep it simple." "Like spending time with your boyfriend." "Maybe at the beach." "Light some candles, watch the stars... take a long walk." "Will there be kissing?" "That all depends on you." "I'm thinking, yes." "Chloe, these past few months have been incredible." "Totally." "You know, I've never felt closer to any girl before." "You've let me into your heart, and I just wanna say that" "I love you." "That is what you were going to say, right?" " What I was...." "I just...." " I have to go." "Okay, let's make this video happen, people." "I gotta give the camera back by 5:00." "Hopefully I'll remember who I borrowed it from by 4:00." "Okay." "Lennon's sweet sixteen birthday wishes, take one." "That's it?" "That's the music?" "They warned me." "They warned me that nothing would be good enough for you." "And action." "Hey, Chloe." "Hey, Riley." "I just wanted to wish you both a very happy" "Cut!" "Obviously, improv's not your strong suit, so read this." "A Hallmark moment." ""Like the sun and moon..." ""you light the sky with your lovely brilliance." ""I wish you much joy and happiness."" "Cut!" "Beautiful!" "All right, that's a wrap on Lennon, people." "We're moving on." "Lennon, don't forget to sign out with Larry." "Perfect, you're next, there you go." "All right." "What would you like to say to Riley and Chloe?" "I don't know who they are." "Then what are you doing waiting in my line?" "I thought this was for coffee." "Okay, all right." "There you go." "Thanks." "Get out of my shot." "Okay, Mrs. C, you're next." "You want some makeup?" "No, thanks." "You sure?" " Cammie." " Fine." "And go." "Okay." "Riley, Chloe, I am so proud of you both." "It seems like just yesterday that I brought you home... in those two little pink blankets... and now you've really grown into two very fine young women." "Hey, what's going on?" "It's Cammie and Larry's birthday present for the girls." "It's a video card." "But you can cut that out, right?" "Wait a minute, now, how come no one mentioned anything about this to me?" "Oh, sorry." "I assumed Mrs. Carlson told you about it." "Why, no, Mrs. Carlson chose not to tell me about it." "Jake, please." "It's not like I neglected to tell you on purpose, okay?" "I've just been very busy with the girls' party, okay?" "Fine, so I just miss out." "Maybe if you weren't in your trailer so much... you wouldn't miss out on everything." "Okay, well, then, what else have I been left out of?" "Couldn't we talk about this later, okay?" " Girls, 16, wonderful" " Macy, I wanna talk about this now." "I'm sorry, Cammie, can you just turn that off now, please?" "Are you kidding me?" "This is great stuff." "Drama, passion." "A man fighting to be more involved with his children's lives." " It's like a Lifetime movie." " Cammie." "No, I said streamers, not lemurs." "No, I don't have a funny accent... and why would I want a monkey at a sweet sixteen party?" "8:00 at the Newsstand." "Manuelo?" "Don't call here anymore." "Obviously, there's no party happening." "Hello, girls." "[Knocking on door]" "Come in, it's open." " Hi." " Hey." "Is that for the girls?" "Yeah, well, I figured you already bought something... and didn't bother including me." "Jake." "Listen, I...." "It really upsets me that you feel so left out of a big event in the girls' lives." "And I'm sorry about what I said earlier." "Macy, I know I'm still included in Riley and Chloe's lives." "I just feel that, you know, living all the way out here in the trailer... it's like I'm missing out on stuff." "Which is what I wanted to talk to you about." "I don't want you feeling this way." "So I think that maybe it's time... that you move a little closer to me and the girls." "What do you mean, like, move the trailer closer to the house?" "I think Malibu has ordinances against that." "No, I meant a little closer." "What, like the garage?" "Closer." "The couch?" "Closer." "I'm coming home, aren't I?" "It'll make the best birthday present." "Okay, then." "This is it." "Our 16th birthday party." "Yeah, baby." "So, what did I get you?" " This jacket." " Love it." " Yeah, you got me this bracelet." " Good." "So, now what do we do?" "Cake." "Definitely cake." "Half a cupcake?" "No candles?" "Does that make you sad?" "No, not at all." "No, I mean, this is great." "You know, whoo-hoo!" "Remember those cakes that Mom used to get us?" "They were almost as big as we were." "And as we got bigger, the cakes got bigger." "Yeah, she always loved doing that for us." "Always put that extra effort into our birthdays." "I mean, she would even go to the store herself and pick out the cakes." "And Dad, I mean, he never disappointed us." "He always knew exactly what we wanted." "Chloe, do you think they're disappointed that we're not there?" "Well, candles would be nice." "Yeah." "And warm." " Let's go." " Okay." " But this was an awesome party." " Yeah, baby!" "Riley and Chloe's party is next week... and I've got everyone on tape except Mr. Carlson." "Won't he be here tonight with Mrs. Carlson to finalize the plans?" "Lamb chop, you're a genius." "Won't he be here tonight with Mrs. Carlson to finalize the plans?" "Nice try, genius." "We're here!" "So, where's Mom and Dad?" "Either hiding in the kitchen, or they're just not here yet." "So, what should we do?" "Mingle, greet the guests." "I'm sure people have traveled a long way to celebrate with us." "You know, I don't really recognize anyone." "You know, there's probably a lot of second and third cousins." "Yeah." "Hi, thank you so much for coming to our sweet sixteen." "Excuse me?" "I mean, you just look so familiar, but I just can't remember your name." "Are you a friend or family?" "I have no idea who you are." "Family." " There are a lot of people here." " I know." "And you know how I said I didn't want a party?" " This is kind of fun." " Yeah." " That's Uncle Phil." " Are you sure?" "I'm positive." "Look how much he looks like Mom." "Hey, Uncle Phil." "Go ahead, pull a quarter from my ear, like you used to do when we were young." "No." "Well, then, how about a dance with your favorite niece?" "Come here." "Riley, what are you doing?" "I'm dancing with Uncle Phil." "That's not Uncle Phil." "It's not?" "You're a very friendly girl." "Okay, who are all these people, and what are they doing at our party?" "Your party?" "This isn't your party." "Come on, guys." "I mean, we heard Manuelo on the phone." "8:00, tonight, Newsstand." "Sorry, but what you heard were plans being made... to discuss arrangements for your party... which is next Saturday." "Come on, guys, give it a rest." "If you're bummed out because we've ruined the surprise... and got here early, then we'll just run out and come back in again." " And everyone can yell, "Surprise."" " Okay." " Should we tell them?" " No." "We're here!" "Okay, we're gonna give you your birthday present now... because if you hate it, then it'll give us a chance to hit the stores tomorrow." "Yeah, and it was either this or a string, so...." " Come here." " What?" "[Doorbell ringing]" "Hold on." " Hi." " Didn't expect to see you here." "I'm on Cammie and Larry's tape, and I thought I should be here." "Chloe... you can't keep avoiding me... because of what you said and what I didn't say back." " A girl can try." " Let's watch the tape." " Hi." " Hey." " What's up?" " Hi." "Right here." "I remember it like it was yesterday." "Their first word was "Dada."" "It was not." "They were so cute." "My little Chloe-Woee and my Riley-Wiley." ""Dada's here."" "Mr. Carlson?" "I'm sorry." "MANUELO:" "Oh, my little bomboncitas." "I used to feed them squashed peas and carrots." "But now they're little women, and they're eating solid foods." "I love them so much." "And time, time flies." "Time flies." "Isn't this the best present ever?" "Okay, now, don't forget... my birthday is in six months, four days, and two hours." "And I don't want a video." "I love you, girls." "I love you both so much." "I'm sorry." "Can we start over?" "I'm sorry I had so much trouble saying this... but I love you, Chloe." "See, you can say it." "Say it again." "I was up all night writing this for you guys." "That's about it." "This is very hard for me, because they grew up so quickly." "Hey, I just want you guys to know that I was ready to spring for a motor home." "But happy birthday anyways." "And I don't think I'm gonna have a job anymore." " Happy birthday." " Happy birthday." " We love you guys." " We love you." "And cut." "That was so amazing." "That's what I call sweet sixteen." "And we still have your party to look forward to." "You know what?" "I think we just had it." "I think you're right." "All right, I gotta go." "I'll see you guys." "Happy, happy." "Yeah, I gotta get going." "They don't know I left the Newsstand, and Table 4 ordered scones." "Bye." " Bye." " Thank you." " I love you." " I know you do." "Dad, you're still here." "We're not trying to kick you out or anything." "It's just...." "We're not used to seeing you here so late." "Well, girls, I thought I would give you your present tonight." "I'm moving back home." "Happy birthday." "See, Dad never disappoints us." "Well, that depends." "It's not our only gift, right, Dad?" "What are you talking about?" "I mean, we're thrilled that you're coming home." "But where's our car?" "Mustang?" "Jeep?" "They're kidding, right?" "This is some of the stuff you've been missing out on." "And how are we this morning?" "What time are we going?" "Hi, this is Jesse Head." "I play Larry." "We start the production of every episode with a table reading." "Each new script." "This allows the writers and producers to hear the script out loud... and see if the story flows and if the jokes work." ""Now, I suggest you hop on board the party train..." ""before it leaves you stranded in Loser Junction."" ""Okay, then." "This is it."" ""Well, happy birthday to me."" "I love you." ""That's a wrap on Lennon, people." "We're moving on."" "Five, four, three, two...." "We're here!" "In five...." " I love you and I mean it." " ...cross to Barbara." "Yeah, no, I really don't mean it." "I have no idea who you are." "Family." "Do I look okay?" "What?" "This place is going crazy today." "Why?" "Thanks for coming." "See you soon." "English" " SDH"