"Amen..." "Dear brothers and sisters, we have gathered here on this beautiful day to make the holy and, inseparable union of marriage between the beloved children of God..." " I'm afraid we've been too hasty." " You're Kornel's best mate!" "And you say it was too fucking hasty?" "!" "Don't think you can make me feel guilty with this silence!" "It always ends like this when someone shows you some heart!" "You'll never learn!" "When there's a problem, one has talk about it, one has to..." "What about Kornel?" "No idea, too crowded, everybody were jumping over each other." "I wouldn't have you in my brigade if a war broke out." " I've got an E." " You've got what?" "E. "Permanently unfitted for military", so even if it broke out..." "Why are you lying down like this?" "Want to catch a cold?" "Get up!" "You want me to beg, right?" "Lie down, do what you want." "I couldn't care less." "Just don't think I'll beg." "I don't give a shit about you." "Starring" "Screenwriter" "Sound" "Music" "Songs" "Art Director" "Costume Designer" "Editing" "Special Effects" "Director of Photography" "Production Manager" "Producer" "Directors" " Why so early?" "You said 3 p.m." " Get lost!" "We usually have this stuff at the end of a party." "How many times do I have to tell you?" "Are you retarded?" "!" "What a beautiful place." "You want to swap?" " Let me introduce myself, Stavros." " Fistach." "Thanks for you help, Fistach." "I wouldn't make it alone." "Who would say such a mutt would hold out so long?" "Half day of polishing and they're tarnished again." "Sir, this is a big misunderstanding..." "Shut up!" "You're lucky they didn't break." "Do you know how much they've cost?" "Very stylish shoes." "Greek, but they look Italian, don't they?" " I'm telling you it's a mistake..." " Shut up!" " Where's Jedrus?" " You should knock." "I could, but someone better looking." " Pig!" " Beatka we have a problem." "They're here and they are not in a swinging mood." "Could you kindly tell me where is the cook?" "Where could he be?" "In the kitchen, right?" "It's so beautiful here." "Yeah, beautiful!" "What is it?" "!" " He sworn to me he quit." " You believe cooks?" "A waiter?" "You have to hide him." "If they find him they'll throw us all in the pots." "He's not picking up!" " Mr. Kornel seems to have fallen down." " Maybe someone hit him?" "I think." "Yes, with a giant candle, you know, how do they call them?" " Paschal candle." " You were to shut the fuck up!" "Then I lost sight of him, because everyone was jumping over each other," " then a baldish guy took him out..." " Janis, my blood." "We're done with it." "Now get to the pots." "What?" "Someone has to make the food for them, right?" "Are you crazy?" "I'm a waitress, not a cook." "I have no idea how to cook!" "Old Maciochowa?" "She's a lady cleaning." "But she's old!" "Women were much better educated in her times." "I'm sure she cooks!" " What are you doing?" " He's bleeding." "Bleeding, bleeding, This isn't any war!" "Exactly..." "Exactly!" "This is a rat, not a prisoner of war!" "He doesn't deserve anything." "Maybe some poison." "Speaking of poison, how about we slugged a shottie?" "Sir, don't waste your life on shotties." "If one slugs, it should be a whole glass." "Young man, your philosophy is so close to mine!" "The "permanently unfit" will have a shot as well?" " I prefer wine." " Wine, wine." "It isn't a party for faggots!" "Waiter!" "Where is that fucker?" "Waiter!" "Chateaubriand." "No?" "Then maybe stroganoff?" "At least chicken one?" "Just do what you can, Mrs. Stenia." "I know potato liver sausage." "Waiter!" "Proceed with questions." "Waiter!" "And chitterlings?" "Yes!" "Start working, or we won't like each other." " How can I serve you?" " Loyally." "We'd like a drink for a start." "Excuse me, which way to the gentleman's room?" "Through the courtyard, door to the left, then downstairs, then right, then right, then right..." "He got stuck..." "No, it's three times right." "Then upstairs, second door to the left," "No, the third door, the second is the ladies room..." "What is that?" "A way to a loo or the wolves' den?" "No, it's just that today the restaurant's toilet..." " just today it overflowed..." " I'm afraid to get lost." "Take a taxi!" " I'll show you." " You get to vodka!" "You've got a cellphone, call if you need help." "Glasses, like a man!" "Waiting is a despicable job, right?" "Got to be a fag to enjoy it." "Attentiooooon!" "Have you known Kornel for a long time?" "I don't know him at all." "I'm from Alicja." "Bitch!" "But you're OK, Fistach." "Why only two?" " Because there are two of you." " Are you blind?" "What about the rat?" "Is he a dog?" "!" "I might be strict, but I'm not a monster." " I don't want any vodka." " Who asked you what you want?" "!" "There comes a moment in every man's life," " that his son gets married..." " What if he has a daughter?" "Sorry." "In such moments he drinks a toast to the beauty of his daughter-in-law." "But life does not always have these soap opera moments." "So the only thing we can say today is:" "Gentlemen, may all the treacherous bitches rot in hell!" "Finally, she came along." " You've got hematuria?" " Worse..." " There was paint in the tap!" " Jesus, you've mixed up the rooms." "I followed your instruction." "You got to the storage room." "Our boss's brother is a performance artist." "He keeps his installations there." "You must have turned on the "Lady Macbeth's Tap"!" "The work..." ""Lady Macbeth's Tap"" "Deconstructs romantic patterns, letting us in the dead lake of banal and into stinking, but refreshing mumble of anxieties." "No, I walked according to the plan, third door on the left..." "Right!" "I said right!" "Did I say left?" "Moron!" "I said he was a moron..." " Please, do not call me like that!" " How should I call you?" "Your Holiness?" "Don't call me anything." "I'm having a bad day today." "Bad day!" "Your mother had a bad day when she met your father, who climbed down from a tree especially for that occasion." "I don't know." "I never got to know my father." "Then buy a ticket to the zoo, you'll recognize each other." "One more word and I'll fix your face." "No kidding." "There!" "Finally some human reflexes!" " He really isn't joking." " Shut up, rat!" "You shut up." "You, listen, you..." "I told you he wasn't joking." "Quarrel is the most common cause of murders all over the world." "I would not underestimate that." "Sebastian Tretyn..." "Tytus..." "Most often murder isn't a one-sided attack on a completely unaware victim, it's more of a dynamic interaction between a victim, an attacker and a witnesses of the event, that is us." "I don't want to kill him." "Right, you don't." "But you will." "What?" "What for?" "!" "What do you mean: what for?" "To save your reputation, your face, which has been tarnished by the victim's crude remarks about your honorable parents, in the painful presence, of the witnesses." "Well thought, mate," "Fistach." "Sebastian Tretyn, pleasure." "Miskiewicz, Master degree, you can call me Bug." "Tretyn." "A pleasure." "What the fuck?" "!" "If there is anybody in this restaurant who has a right to murder because of lost face, then it's only my son!" "And I represent him while he is absent!" "There is no worse crime!" "Just for stealing a horse, one was to pay with his head, not to mention..." "Which one of you is Mr. Stavros?" "Kornel, my little son." "How is he?" "Happy now?" "!" "What is going to happen, Janis?" "Nothing, I guess." "He just fainted." "They wanted to take him for observation but he insisted on staying here." "Fortunately, they brought a man pulled from under a tram." "Everybody were screaming "Where's the leg?" So we could..." "Can I have a drink?" "You, listen..." "Pardon sir, my son is thirsty." "What would you like to drink?" "I am drinking." "Thanks." " Where's the bathroom!" " Pardon me?" "Where is the bathroom?" "!" "Through the door, to the left, then downstairs, then right, then right, then right, then upstairs..." "No good." "A blow to the head, especially in the occipital part can cause dangerous hematomas." "Daddy, what is he doing here?" "Although, as you gentlemen probably know, the paschal candle is formed out of soft material, wax, but it still has its weight." "And I don't mean the weight of its meaning, as you surely understand." "Kornel!" "Kornel!" "Kornel!" "Attentiooooon!" "Excuse me." "She's mine!" "You get it?" "!" "Mine!" "Of course she's yours!" "I don't challenge that!" " I'll castrate you, you bum!" " You're getting carried away" " quite unnecessarily!" " I'll cut off your balls!" "Yes, you've mentioned that already!" "Your prick!" "I'll tear off your prick, you prick!" "You're repeating yourself, son!" "Daddy..." "Yes, son?" "I feel weak." "Kornel, my dear, be a man." "Pepper mint, freshly brewed," " I'm sure it will work." " You made it nicely cool?" "Thank you, Mr. Tytus." " Frail constitution." " Sensitive, after me." "Honey?" "Honey, do it again for your nutty little frog." "Kornel!" "It's Dad." "Dad is talking to you." "Honey?" "Kornel!" "Father!" "Ladies and Gentlemen!" "The higher the testosterone level in the cock's blood, the bigger... silence, please, his comb and wattle." "However the testosterone level also affects his susceptibility to parasites." "What's more: the negative influence of steroid hormones on the immunological system causes men..." "Mr. Kornel?" "...to be much more susceptible to infections and illnesses than women." "And, Ladies and Gentlemen, castrates for example, live much longer than men." "Because castrates are the best example here..." "Why this castration thing again?" "Is it some kind of a hobby?" " It's so screwed up!" " Kornel is a lecturer at our university's biology department, but he specializes in willies." "Like all of us, from time to time..." "Kornel is an outstanding ornithologist!" " My blood..." " I have the pleasure of working" " with him, sir." " On willies as well?" " No, I'm in parasites." " Screwed up, huh?" "Mr. Kornel?" "Mr. Kornel, do you recognize me?" "I do." "It's OK now." "OK?" "The fuck OK!" "Alicja, what are you doing here with him again?" "No, no, Kornel, wait!" "I am not your Alicja." "I am Bug." "B-U-G...!" " Bug..." " He recognized me..." "You're screwing my wife too." " Bug, you Brute!" " You're kidding Kornel." "You're all screwing her, right?" "All of you!" "You drooling, lusting dolphins!" "Stop it son!" "You're among friends!" "Friends?" "Germans are banging my wife!" "Why is he talking about dolphins?" "Male dolphins work in groups." "They surround the female, force her to separate from the herd, then copulate with her one after another." "Just like the bosses in my agency." " Advertising agency." " My Wife!" "Wife!" "This isn't your wife." "Stop behaving like an idiot." "Get up!" "Which wife is not?" "In the legislative and sacramental sense no obligation has been made, because Alicja didn't say "I do"." "It means the act of matrimony did not take place at all." "And there was red paint in the tap!" "Maybe yours didn't take place, you Greek impotent!" " Brother, really..." " I'm not your brother!" "How is he not your brother?" "He's your brother like I am your father!" " You're not my father!" " How am I not your father?" "You're not my father!" "You're fired!" "Jesus, this is so screwed up!" "Sure it's screwed up!" "Better help, then talk bullshit!" " Are you sure?" "You impressed me with those dolphins." "Clever little fish!" "No, no, Mr. Tytus, they're mammals." "Yeah, right, mammals, mammals..." "More!" "More!" "There's no more sugar." "Maybe a cookie?" " Let's put him on the drip again!" " Are you crazy Dad?" "I think I'm better." "Gentlemen, I suggest we sit down." "Excuse me, could you fill up the glasses?" "Sorry for that, was it too hard?" "No, not at all..." " Fistach!" " Was OK, very professional." "Gentlemen, and you too," "I clearly owe you an apology." "From what you are telling me, I got slightly carried away." "Son, don't worry!" "It's a man's thing to burst out occasionally." "Dad, a human being is no beast." "He should be able to control himself." "The only excuse I have, is my state of great agitation." "My wedding today, especially it's finale, quite unusual finale, caused me extreme stress." "This was the reason for the sudden loss of sugar in my blood, that caused hallucinations during which, I'm afraid, I offended some of you." "No, no, it's OK." "No, no, gentlemen, my fault is unquestionable here." "This is my wedding, you are my guests, so I suggest we raise a toast." "There you go, to my guests' health!" "Cheers!" "Mr. Kornel, gentlemen," "I feel the moment has come for me to speak." "Because what I went through today..." "I understand everything, emotions too, but I still want to express my amazement that it's me whom you, gentlemen, blame even though I am clearly a victim here." "The victim of an inexplicable misunderstanding." "Didn't Alicja told the priest she couldn't marry Kornel, because she loved you?" " Bitch!" " Dad, you're talking about my wife!" "She is not your wife." "Neither legislatively nor sacramentally." " OK, OK!" "But she didn't say it was me, she loved!" "Sure she did!" "The priest asked "Do you want to marry Kornel?", and that bitch," " Dad, I asked you!" " OK, Alicja!" "She said "no"," " that only you." " Pointed her finger at you." " Walked up to you." " And started kissing you!" "Right, I'm sorry, really sorry." "Stress flashback apparently." "Is there any sugar left?" "Gentlemen don't talk about facts." "Although she did start to kiss me passionately, pushing her tongue" " down to my tonsils." " Objection!" "You could spare us the details!" "My brother..." " It's OK, I'm eating sugar." " My tonsils have been cut out." "I was no less surprised than you were, gentlemen, but I insist that" "Miss Alicja did not speak about myself, and I have a proof!" "You recorded the wedding?" "Yes!" "I'm a journalist." "Well, actually I'm not, but I was at Mr. Kornel's and Miss Alicja's wedding in business, sent by the editorial team of Biba." "Kornel:" "I love her gigantic IQ." "Alicja:" "Our home will be the Palace of Culture  Science." "A new great love of a well known singer!" "He is Mr. Scientist..." "That bitch!" "Forgive me, son." "So, let's listen to these Tapes of Truth of yours." "Nah, it's all gabble." "Your basses were distorted." "I don't know how to use it, it's my wife's." "You've got a wife?" "Yes, five years now." "What?" "I don't believe you." "And a daughter!" "Here, my Zuzia." "Zuzanna Czeslawa." "Czeslawa after my wife's mother." "Ah, what a nipper, and these cheeks she has." " How old?" " Two and a half." "That was good, only be careful, there's water behind you." "I have a son, Piotrus, three months and seven days." "My blood...!" "Big girl." "Still breastfeeding, or bottle?" "It varies, you know, a bit of this and a bit of that." "Gentlemen, this is all screwed up." "Is this the Wigry Lake?" "Mamry, Mamry Lake." "Speaking of bottles, how if I pour something?" "Ah, words of wisdom, Mr. Tytus!" "Words of wisdom!" "There you go!" "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you," "My hands are growing numb!" "Gratie, gratie, guests will come hungry!" "No one will come, they're already here!" "Big lads, they'll eat well." "Gratie, gratie!" "Long live the groom!" "The groom!" "Thank you, gentlemen!" "Gentlemen, let's eat, let's enjoy ourselves, there you go." "I'm just wondering, Mr. Sebastian, because you're telling you have a wife, a child, you look like a happy man," " and you kiss my brother's wife." " She's not my wife!" "And let's stick to the facts:" "she kissed me, not the other way!" "Bitch!" "Gentlemen, let's finally make clear what actually happened." "Let one person take the recorder, hear it through and tell us what happened." "Otherwise it's all screwed up!" "OK." "Oh, no, I have to protest, you are a bias side in this argument!" "Let it be someone who..." "Me?" "No, no, absolutely not..." "Very unclear." "Concentrate!" "The priest says:" ""Kornel, do you want Alicja to be..."" "Move on!" "Move on!" " Mr. Kornel says "yes"..." " I know what I said, move on!" " The priest says: "Alicja..."" " Move on!" "Oh, there it is," "Miss Alicja says:" "It would be dishonest to God to marry a man one does not love." "Wait, there is more:" "The most important thing... is to be loyal to love." "What a bitch!" "Don't interrupt!" "What is most important?" "The most important thing is to be loyal to love." "My tart..." "What tart?" "I have to listen again, very scrambled, you know..." "Got it!" "It's not my tart but..." "My heart belongs to someone else." "My heart belongs to someone else." "You think it's funny?" "You think it's funny, Mister?" "No, not at all, I'm just happy I could hear it." " OK, OK." " It's buzzing terribly," " you know, all this bass." " Fucking slut." "You heard it, gentlemen, she said "someone else"!" "She didn't say "my heart belongs to Sebastian Tretyn"!" "That's no proof!" " What do you mean: no proof?" " No proof." "Father is right this time." "Not mentioning your name, doesn't mean it wasn't about you." "Every lawyer will tell you that." " What lawyer?" "Janis for instance." "Janis is a lawyer." "Dad, I've asked you:" "Janusz." "My name is Janusz!" "But I've named you Janis." "But when you had to register me, my mother couldn't find you for a week." "I was celebrating your birth." "She had to go alone, pissed as hell." "That's why I'm Janusz!" "You'll always be Janis to me!" "Like your grandfather and my father!" "Whatever." " Your line of defense has been refuted." " It hasn't, gentlemen." "What will we do with it now?" " We'll stuff the intestines." " What intestines?" " Pork intestines." " We don't have intestines." "I mean pork intestines." "Don't you worry, pumpkin, Stenia will always come up with something." "It might cheer you up to know, you're not the only one she made an ass off." "Mr. Tretyn is another one, and myself too." " You?" " Yes." " You are also involved with this..." " Of course." "For several years." " Let me pour something." " Not now!" "It looks like out of the seven of us, I was the only one not banging her!" "Do you expect flowers for that?" "!" "Don't you know other relationships between a man and woman but sexual ones?" " Are there any other?" "!" " There are: mother and son, grandmother and grandson, me and my ex-girlfriend, although that's not a good example, because I did want her." "Great examples: mother and son." "What about Oedipus?" "That's Greece, they're all completely fucked up there." "You fuck off from Greece!" "I'm Greek and I won't let you insult me!" "What can some lousy waiter know about our sophisticated culture?" "!" "Where is the damn vodka?" "!" " Did you tell not to pour?" "!" " But now I'm telling to pour!" "We're listening, Mr. Fistach." "My son will gladly learn about the nature of your relation with his wife." "But she's not his wife!" "At least that's what I understood." "Gentlemen, as you might know, I am a guitar player." "I started with hard core thrash in Defloration, than reggae with the Weed, jazz with Karolak, than St. Francis's Dogs and two records with them." " Your first CD was awesome!" " Thank you." "And the third track..." "Though I'm like a magnet, nothing makes me glad!" "Chicks are going crazy, I'm still kind of sad!" "Grave, grave, grave, grave, grave..." " Grave!" "Fucking great piece!" " Thank you." "Hey, what is this?" ""Pop Idol Show"?" " You were to talk about Alicja!" " That's where I'm heading, gentlemen." "Then I started playing with Alicja." "Alicja And The Sperm we were called." " We were the sperm." " Alicja And The Sperm." " Where did you get her from?" " Television." "There's no denying, after the break you'll be watching a controversial show," "Kuba Wojewodzki's show, which is my show." "A fresh, young and supple talent has spurt out on the Polish scene recently:" "Alicja and her Sperm." "What kind of love do you believe in Alicja?" "I believe in love from the first fuck." "Break!" "And gentlemen, thank you, Mr. Tytus, we recorded an album, the record company peed in their pants, for the stuff was so shit-hot, but it didn't matter, since the target group wouldn't buy it." "Why, if you said the material was shit-hot?" " 'Cause there was no event." " What?" " No media feeding frenzy." " You know, like a scandal." "Exactly." "It's not enough to record a couple of good tracks any more." "You need an engine which will pull it all." "Something to gain attention." "An event!" "You're joking, right?" "I'm afraid not." "Gentlemen, I didn't meddle in those affairs because I am an artist." "All I'm interested in is music." "I don't give a fuck if it sells or not." "But Alicja was as lusty for fame as an Arab during flying lessons." "Fistach, you'll see, I'll think of something." "I surely will." "And she did." "It was Mr. Kornel." "What did such a bitch need a common ornithologist for?" "!" "Eh, not that common." "Few months ago Mr. Kornel was the most popular ornithologist in the country!" "By mistake..." "As far as I know, you met Alicja in Wojewodzki's show." "You don't get invited there by mistake." "We just talked with Alicja about love at first fuck and that brings birds to mind." "Speaking of birds we think the first ornithologist of the Fourth Republic." "Ladies and gentlemen:" "Kornel Olecki!" "What a rocking guy, wow!" "Good evening." "Kornel, I'd like you to meet Alicja." " Kornel Olecki." " Alicja." "Gimme five, yo." "Hi, good evening." "Kornel, tell me, do you have a favorite bird?" "Yes, this one and only..." "And that's why I like you!" "The first Pope of Polish ornithology!" "Olecki!" "Thanks for coming to my controversial show!" "Watch me next week!" "I'll never believe that." "She is not like that." "Why she is not here than?" "Excuse me." "No, no gentlemen, I just need a..." "Oh, that's through the courtyard, door to the left, then downstairs..." "I know!" "Right, right." "Gentlemen, pardon me, if you allow me, I think you should explain everything step after step, otherwise we will be stocked in those circles." "What a genius advice." "And what exactly do you suggest?" "Maybe Mr. Kornel should start with telling us how he met Miss Alicja?" "Nah, forget it!" "It's not a bad idea, son!" "Step by step we'll tear that bitch to pieces." "I got a scholarship." "But come here, here!" "Could you?" "A chair." "I got a scholarship in Australia:" ""breeding habits of ostriches"." " Polack!" " Yes, Polska!" "I have no idea who the attackers were." "Probably Germans." "I woke up on a beach." "No suitcase, no passport, no money." "I didn't feel like watching those fucking ostriches anymore." "So I went to the embassy." "There was an awful crowd, bodyguards, the Polish Prime Minister" " had just come to visit." " What Prime Minister?" " What Prime Minister could it be?" " Oh, that one, right." "So I thought: "this is my only chance, at worst they'll shoot me"." "So I went straight up to him, said what happened, who did what, he said no, he was busy with some high-ranking meetings, but in the evening he sent a bodyguard who said I could go back with them" "on a government plane." "Be a bit more concise, son, or we'll..." "I am concise Dad, but it is all important!" "On the plane the Prime Minister joins me and asks what is going on." "So I tell him about my plan to get PhD, about the scholarship, the ostriches." "I only skipped the fact that I had just landed." "And he tells me he's tired, that the talks in Australia came to fucking nothing and that he has no idea what to tell those journalist hyenas at the airport." "You know, the usual small talk on the road." "Kornel, I beg you, get to the point." "We get off at the airport, the journalists jump and start:" ""Mr. Prime Minister, how was the visit?" "Was it a breakthrough?" And he says he's proud of the accomplishments of Polish science, which is doing swell in the foreign lands, and he pulls me in front of those microphones." " Fucker wise ass!" " I couldn't drive them away, one interview after another, finally that talk show." "And you say he's a common ornithologist!" "That's precisely what Alicja needed, gentlemen:" "a popular intellectual and a pop starlet." "The event has started!" "I warned you not to go for those pictures, remember?" "Alicja wanted them so much." "That's an event, Mr. Kornel." "E-V-E-N-T." "Bullshit not event!" "What about love?" "The notion you apparently have no knowledge about." "What love?" "What did she say in the church?" "The most important thing is to be loyal to love." "Exactly." "And then..." "My heart belongs to someone else." "I'm sorry, Kornel." "OK, she doesn't love me, but she loves someone else and that's love too!" "I'm afraid it's much worse." "Alicja And The Sperm." "My heart belongs to someone else" "Everything Alicja said in the church were lyrics from our newest album." "I'm sorry." "Could that bitch?" "!" "I'm afraid she could." "Tomorrow's newspapers will write about today's scandal quoting Alicja's words, the album hits the stores in three days." "That's how you create success these days, gentlemen." "Are you angry?" "No, it's OK." "Yummy!" "This liver sausage is excellent!" "I'll tell the chef, he will be pleased." " I had to take it out on someone." " But it's OK, don't worry." "Mine!" "Hi, honey." "I just wanted to call you." "No, no it's OK." "We're having fun." "How's the baby?" "A poo!" "Great!" "Why you saying it's quiet?" "It's not!" "More vodka Mr. Tytus!" "The band is eating." "Eating, I'm saying...!" "I'm drinking!" "Mister Fistach, I'm begging you." "What pictures?" "The wedding ones?" "Yes, of course, perfect, came out great, especially Kornel." "Gentlemen, let's go!" "Oh, they're starting to play." "Honey, I have to go, the dance is starting, bye." "Done!" "Why done?" " Done with talking." " But we were doing so well, son." "We didn't come here to dance." "Why not?" "It's a wedding." "That's right!" "Come on!" "Fuck, stop!" "A friend of mine from Fabryczna street, you know Fabryczna street?" "Right." "So her husband died and... she took a lover." "And every time that lover was with her, her husband was banging the drawers in the wardrobe." "Miss Stenia, they're telling me the liver sausage is delicious!" "All neighborhood knew when he was with her, for all that drawer banging." "He kept an eye on what was his even after his death." "My son is little too afraid of his wife, gentlemen." "I'm not afraid..." "The poor thing is alone with the baby in a house, if I told her something happened, she'd worry." "Worry?" "She'd be mad." "Not mad, Kornel, not mad." "She's just sensitive." "Sensitive?" "!" "Man, she's a madwoman!" "Last week she jumped out of the car, leaving him with the kid in the middle of a crossing!" "Just because he didn't tell her she had a hole in her stockings." "They got almost battered down by a truck!" "I got my driving license two days ago, I will drive myself." "And when she didn't let us in on your birthday?" "'Cause she learned Konecka's husband earned more than you!" "A madwoman!" " How if you pick on your own wife?" " I don't have a wife." "You said it yourself." "They're all whores!" "Watch your tongue, waiter!" "My wife is no..." "Maybe your wife isn't, don't know her, haven't met her." "I know the rest and they're all sluts!" "My wife isn't either." "Apart from Mr. Janis's and Tretyn's wives...!" " And my mother." " OK!" "Apart from our mothers and wives all women are whores!" "My aunt isn't too." "She's a nun." "You don't think gentlemen she could..." "Besides, she's really ugly." "Let me fill up the glasses to blow off the steam..." "To our health, gentlemen!" "Orgasm after fifty." "What a crap." "Only orgasms count today." "A man is not for orgasms but for paying the expenses." "Unfortunately gentlemen, what Mr. Tytus, with brutal sharpness, typical of his intellectual condition called "whore", does indeed depicts reality." "And although it is not easy for me since, as I have already mentioned, I love me wife," "I trust her," "I still must be fair to the facts." "And the facts, as we so often see in various publications, show that the system of values shared by women is different from ours, and allows behavior which could easily fall within the definition of the term..." ""whore"..." "Well said." " Could you say it more clearly?" " Say what if it's so clear?" "Male manner of perceiving women might be unsophisticated, but at least is honest." "Every male perceives the female as a sexual object." "Meaning he'd like to screw her, right?" "If you prefer that expression." "Sure I prefer, gentlemen, when it takes me over sometimes, it's like I'm connected to an electrode." "I once had an action with a waitress in Wroclaw." "I'm from around Wroclaw, you know." "The bitch wasn't pretty but she had these aerials, aerials like this!" "Excuse me, but I think Mr. Tretyn was just explaining something?" "Every male, like I said, perceives female as a sexual object and that makes the whole thing easier." "It means that if we have a sexual relation, or as Mr. Tytus would say, we screw our chosen one..." " Giving her the boner!" " Exactly." "It means that our only reason is the will to satisfy our sex drive." "Ergo, we are honest with her femininity and with her humanity that fulfills itself through her physical features." "In the meantime the reasons for women having sexual relations are inordinately more twisted." "Examples?" "Did any of you ever have sex to improve your social or professional status?" "Precisely." "Women however can do it with someone who doesn't attract them physically at all but has an appropriate status, who is rich, popular or has power." "Are you saying they do it with us only for profit?" "Yeah, but in a devious way." "It's a whole game with complicated rules." "What's complicated about it?" "When I'm into some chick, I just approach her, look her straight in the eyes, you know, the very masculine way," "I look and she knows, she feels, she is having butterflies down there, you know where?" "And I tell her in a low voice:" "come sweetie..." "I'll strip your moneybag so hard you won't have any coins left." "And?" "She gives you a smack?" "Are you kidding?" "I get what I want." "And they beg for more." "That's right, gentlemen!" "That's the method!" "I've always used it too and it has always worked!" "Well done boy, keep up the good work!" "What do you mean you've always used it?" "You told my mother you would strip her moneybag?" "No, I didn't say that to your mother." "Maybe to mine?" "Neither to yours!" "Boys, you've grown up enough to figure it out that your father has always been quite popular with ladies." "Popular?" "I can't take this cynicism any more." "Do you have any idea how much mother suffered because of you?" "All those nights you didn't come home." "I was dying of fear something might have happened to you." "I couldn't sleep hearing how she cried in the pillow." "Let it go son, that's ancient history." "God, I was so happy when she finally kicked your butt out." "So many years of sacrificing herself for you, having practically no life, and finally..." "Janis!" "Janusz." "My name is Janusz." "Janusz, please, stop." "And that's why I will never be like you." "Even if my wife is a maniac." "She can be nice sometimes." "Really." "You stepped in..." "Just mud." "Tastes even better when cold." "Sorry if I've misunderstood, but do you gentlemen have different mothers?" "Yes..." "As you've heard our Daddy was always very popular." "Now you are getting on my back?" "Daddy used to travel a lot." "Everywhere he went, he left a mark." "When my mother figured out she was pregnant, she paid him a visit." "As it turned out she wasn't the one and only dream he had." "She told him she'd never wanted to see him again and she returned home." "My mother, who got pregnant exactly the same time, forced him to marry her." "A child needed his father." "We were born the same day." "So it's really screwed up, gentlemen." "We are a rare type of twins with different mothers." "I had an honor to met my father when I was eighteen years old." "He simply appeared one day." "Out of nowhere." "I understood the importance of a family." "So when I hear my father giving me advice, on how to connect with women, it sounds really pathetic now." "You, dear Daddy, you have no idea how to talk to them." "Look at him!" "And you do?" "Sure I do." "Very interesting." "Let's make a little experiment here." "I'll be a woman, you'll be a m..." "you'll be yourself." "Will see how you manage." "Picture this, son:" "we wake up." "We fucked all night like rabbits." "You screwed me so hard, I screamed like" "I was on fire, even neighbors were banging on the walls." "Now is the morning after, we're getting dressed." "Anything wrong?" "No, it's just difficult for me to imagine..." "like rabbits, neighbors, and the fire..." "OK, OK, right, you didn't exactly inherit my temperament." " And I'm pleased!" " Anyway!" "I'm sitting on the bed, you're almost done with your tie." "Will be going apart for work in a moment." "What do you say?" "Darling, are we still going to the movie today?" " No." " Why not?" " No!" "So let's do a theater, or a nice dinner somewhere?" "I don't want to see you again." "This was the last time." "That's nonsense!" "I want to breathe again." "I need space, you suffocate me." "I long for air." "Why are you saying this?" "Have I hurt you?" "Hurry up or I'll be late for work." " Will you give me a lift?" " It's PMS, right?" "Sure, sure, that's all you can understand." "Typical male." " OK, I'm going alone, bye." " Wait!" "Wait," "I love you." "I really love you." "Don't be so dramatic." " Be a man for once..." " Be a man for once." "Don't do this to me..." "After all we've been through..." "I'm so impressed honey, you know?" "Excellent show." "Excellent show." "I'm not pretending!" "I really love you!" "I don't want to lose you." "Shit, I'm dirty like a pig." "What is it?" "So will you give me a lift?" " Or I have to suffer on the bus?" " Or I have to suffer on the bus?" "Of course." "I should have expected this from you." "You can't even split with dignity." "Only a few hours ago she said I was her whole world." "What a bitches they are." "Let's try it, let's try it at least once." "Let's say something each of us already knows." "Maybe everything will fall down, on this beautiful garden of lies." "Let's say it, let's say it to each other." "I know it isn't easy to tell a simple truth." "Maybe not today, what a beautiful garden of lies." "This, you know, this moneybag of yours you bring it up with them right away?" "On the street?" "No way on the street." "First one has to relax a bit." "I take her to see the movie, then some coffee..." "There!" " And who pays for the cinema?" " And for the café?" "I get a good screw in return!" "So does she." "Free of charge." "You are impossible to talk to!" "Don't be so dramatic." "Be a man for once." "Oh my God, oh my God," "I loved her so much, I wanted to marry her, but she exited my life like it was some stinking loo." " Sugar!" "Give him sugar at once!" " Not sugar, not sugar, vodka, vodka!" "No!" "Not vodka!" "Vodka is no good for you!" "That's what the doctors say." "Some of them." "A few that is... mine..." "I played in one more band..." "Jesus." "Jesus." "Jesus." "Halleluuuuuiah!" "Father." "Father." "Father." "Halleluuuuiah!" "Yeah, I had this episode... community, prayer, Bible under my pillow, stuff like that." "Back then I met a girl from Pila, from the Catholic Youth Movement." "Gentlemen, I got so mad about her." "You can't imagine how deeply one can fall in love after making the decision of no fucking." "One becomes a walking zombie!" "Each muscle in your body goes into jackass raptures!" "Jesus." "Jesus." "Jesus." "Halleluuuuuiah!" "Nothing?" "Really?" " Not even a little petting?" " Nothing!" "It lasted a year and we spent almost every night together!" "Wait a second, you said she lived in Pila." "Fuck!" "Gentlemen, when I think about it now, I don't believe it myself!" "We play a concert in Sanok, the concert ends, boys run to the hotel, but I'm jumping into the car!" "I'm fucking driving through the whole country to lie next to her at 5 a.m., back in the car again the same morning driving to Jaslo where we play." "I had to buy three cars that year 'cause they all fell apart." "It's a miracle I didn't get kill on the road, gentleman!" "And you didn't get a bit of snatch even once?" "Nothing!" "Just some kind of an innocent kiss-kiss." "Gees..." "Well, that's really screwed up." "Mr. Tytus, that was a real torture." "Gentlemen," "I am lying next to her," "I feel that warmth, that smell, my dick is whirring like a Russian fan, and I do nothing!" "For "not until the wedding night" had to" " mean "not until the wedding night!"" " Impressive." "And all the things I bought her!" "She would call me and say:" "Honey, I think I need a little pair of shoes." "Or..." "I just saw this funny sweet dress in Cottonfield." "And bang!" "Off to get the dress!" "Not to mention the stuff for her apartment, the furniture, the rugs, the vases and who the fuck knows what else!" "I prayed:" "Dear Lord!" "I don't want to live in this filthy Pila..." "Dear Lord." "I don't want to live in this filthy Pila, but if this is what you have chosen for me, I will obey." "So why don't you live there actually?" "Why?" "Why?" "We were playing a concert in Olsztyn." "The concert ends," "I jump into the car, back on the road, I call her on the way and she tells me:" "That's lovely, darling, I love you, do you know?" "So I step on it to go faster, to be with her even sooner," "I enter the house, face smiling like a happy idiot, but I stumble over some suitcases." ""Whose are these?" I ask surprised but still smiling, and she..." " Yours." " Mine?" "What for?" "You're moving out." "I thought I heard something wrong, so I say:" ""My little sunshine, stop kidding, you said you loved me just a moment ago"" "I lied." "That's all?" "Yes." "Just: "I lied"." "I left Pila half dead." "I drove, pulled over, threw up, drove again, pulled over, threw up." "Nightmare." "In the morning, in Warsaw, a journalist from "Beauty" calls me and asks for an interview about the life of a converted rock man." " You refused?" " No, I told her to come." "She enters smelling with perfume, short dress, her tits squeezed into this bra, you know, one can see right away she's weak at her knees." "They have these parted lips, like they wanted to say something, but they only lick them with their tongue." "She enters, and she puts the recorder on," "I tell her:" ""You want an interview?" "Kneel down!"" "Excuse me?" "I unzip my pants." ""Take it!" I say." "She says: "What is this?"" ""You have eyes." "Just take it!" And I stood right before her." "You must have been in real shock, she could have run you down in the press." "Nah, she took it." "And she came back several times." "The things we did, gentlemen, yoga is a child's play compared to that." "Thank you very much, Mr. Tytus." "That is how my Christian rock story ends, gentlemen." "I love this nail polish color, Miss Beatka." "On your toes." "Well, boys, didn't I give you a cool psychodrama?" "Forget it Daddy, after Mr. Fistach story we've just heard, yours comes up completely amateur." " What?" " Yes, indeed, biology is familiar with such cases." "It has been observed more than once that female chimpanzees sexually provoke males only to steal meat from them." "Wait, Mr. Bug, monkeys are monkeys and humans are humans." "Do you know that genetically speaking there is a closer kinship between us and chimpanzees than between the chimpanzees and gorillas?" "Might be in your case, certainly not in mine!" "No, you are the best example here!" "Haven't you been whacked in the face lately?" "I found out later that she was the easiest chick to bang in Pila." "On my rugs." "Mr. Tytus?" "Why can't you understand that the goal of all living creatures is to reproduce?" "Re-pro-duce!" "Yeah, yeah, you don't have to repeat yourself." "You are also a subject to this law of nature." "But I didn't want them at all!" "Thanks." "Thanks, Daddy." "Sorry guys," "I just wanted to have some fun." "You said she was from "Beauty"?" "my wife used to work there, she must know her, right?" "Sure, it's a small office." "And I spent all my life thinking it is me who decides whom to take to bed." "With whom - yes." "But why you do it, is determined by something very different." " By that cunt..." " By testosterone..." "Testo... what?" "Testosterone, Daddy." "A male hormone." "It forces us to run after women from adolescence till death." "It makes us potential murderers and rapists at all times." "You too?" "I try to abstain, but it's like all of us..." "I hope." ""Lovely lad, my lad so young, quietly hums the maid." "Why by the ghostly water's bank you walk so late in the moon's light?"" "Testosterone, gentlemen, determines aggressiveness to such extent, that among birds with inverted sexual roles, females have more of it in their blood." "I don't understand." "Inverted roles?" "Males give birth?" "No!" "Australian cassowaries for instance, that I once had a chance to study," "Cassowaries are a great example here..." "Female cassowaries are the aggressive sex." "They're at least one meter tall, their claws are seven centimeters long, they can even rip a dingo to pieces, and they fight all the time, Daddy." "They kick each other like crazy." "What for?" "The winning female copulates with every male she can find." "Then she leaves all of them with her eggs to hatch." " All screwed up." " All screwed up." "Gentlemen, let's thank the good Lord for not making us cassowaries!" "And that our females don't have that testosterone thing." "Well, you can't really tell, you know." "What "I know", "you can't really tell"?" "According to research, women with a higher testosterone level have sexual intercourse more often." "They are less prone to depression, they have more pleasure during sex." " Where can you find such a wonder?" " Yes!" "Go to your kennel!" "To the kennel!" "To the kennel!" "Our aggression is caused by the mere existence of women!" " True, the primate males..." " Pardon me, please." "So even us, Daddy, we are aggressive by nature, because that's what the females like, and it lets us beat up other males in fights over females." "The conclusion is simple:" "if there were no women, men wouldn't kill each other." "You've exaggerated a bit." "Guys will always find a reason for a brawl." "No." "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "NO!" "Dad!" "Imagine there were no women on Earth." "What reason would you have to kill me?" "See my point?" "I could take your mobile!" " I don't have a mobile phone any more." " I could call some fancy chicks." "There are no chicks!" "We agreed." "So I would call Mr. Fistach!" " And what would you talk about?" " What do you mean?" "About chicks!" " About football, for instance." " Yeah!" "We'd talk about football." " There would be no football." " How come?" "Who do the footballers play for?" "For the fans!" "You believe this?" " For fame." " For money." "What do they need fame and money for?" "To buy cool and fast cars!" "And what do they need those cool, fast cars for?" "!" "To..." "To pick up chicks!" "The vicious circle is completed." "That's totally screwed up!" "Vicious bitches, aren't they?" "They forced us to invent football, but when you want to watch the Champions League, they switch to "Dynasty"." "Wonderful world, eh?" "Yeah!" " Mr. Fistach?" " Just Fistach." "Fistach, what was the name of that journalist?" "My wife must know her, it will crack her up when I tell her." "Luiza Ostrowska." "You know, they bawl us all the time for bad behavior, even though we have no influence since we are controlled by some fucking hormone." "Even though when they get some more of that... eeeeeh, testosterone, they act just like us." "Two-faced bitches, aren't they?" "Are you sleeping?" "No," "I'm thinking." "Do you remember doctor Slaska?" "Do I remember?" "Man, the best body of faculty in the history of this department." " We were together, you know." " You?" "Excuse me." "Don't worry," "It's hard for me to believe it either." "I don't know why she chose me." "She could have had anyone." "Gees, Bug, wow!" "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" "I adored her." "We could talk about cephalopods in bed for hours!" "Until one day she says for breakfast:" "Listen, we can't be together anymore." "I thought it was a movie, so I answered:" "OK, if that's what you want..." "You did the right thing." ""No" means "no", don't need no favors!" "Only in the evening," "I felt something terrible rising up inside of me and I had to leave." "You beat the bitch?" " I bought a bottle and went downtown." " A firm decision, congratulations." "Yeah, but I also bought a whole lot of tranquilizers." "Bull!" "I swallowed all of them," "I drank as much as I could, though I never could drink too much because of the usual obligatory puke so I thrown out the battle and I called her." "I will live with you, or I won't live at all!" "She told me to stay at the phone booth, and she would be there in a second." "Did she show up?" "I don't know," "I left." " What happened next?" " What could happen?" "I got diarrhea next," "I shitted under a bush until someone called the police, so I had to run." "I woke up in the morning under some gate, my jacket was smeared with lime, probably from bumping into some plaster," ""Fuck, I could have died looking like shit!" I thought to myself." "Forget it, Mr. Bug, one chick doesn't make a summer." "It's easy for you to say that." "You have such an easy way with women." "Yeah, I do, I do, only now I will pay for this ease." "You're just sitting here?" "We're sitting, Daddy." "And where's our Tyson?" "He run home to kill his wife." "And Mr. Janis followed to stop the crime." "Seen that son?" "Such a blockhead, and what a speed-up." "Like that gorilla!" "Yes." "Like a gorilla, Daddy." "Go to sleep." "I spotted a nice chick a while ago here." "She used to come to the restaurant with some friends and I wanted to immediately jab her on my pike, but the time wasn't right since she was just splitting with her guy." "Really?" "And I thought there is no better time for adultery like a relationship crisis." "No way!" "It's the worst." "The worst!" "That's when they only want to cuddle not fuck." "But they finally made up, so we started seeing each other right after." "And now I have a problem" "Bad conscience?" "Something else is bad." "She called this morning that her period was late." "That doesn't mean anything." "Just biology of the cycle." "But it's fifty-five days late." "You have a problem." "Maybe it's the other guy's child?" "There is no other guy anymore." "He threw her ass out the door the moment he found out about us." "Well, gentlemen, to a new God's creature!" "Mr. Tytus, could you teach me some of your phrases?" "What phrases?" "You know, the ones that make every pussy yours." "I'm not too good at those." "OK, OK, come closer." " So you're just sitting here?" " I am sitting, Daddy." "And our poor Fistachio?" "He's washing the blood off his jacket." "Go to sleep, Daddy, go to sleep." "I'll be a chick and you... you'll try to convince me to jump into bed with you." "Hello, Miskiewicz here, Master degree." "But she knows you!" "She's just waiting for the sign!" "She's only waiting for the sign that..." "So how are you getting to it?" "You know..." "Well." "You know..." " You know..." " Of course she knows!" " How come she knows?" " She is sitting in your apartment!" "Have you read our famous thinker, Maria Janion on rite of passage?" "Mr. Bug!" "She'll drop dead of boredom in a second!" "I don't know then..." "Come with me and learn." "Come, come." "Plonk!" "I know how you feel." "I feel the same." "Only moments count in life." "And this moment belongs to us." "You won't regret it." "Trust me." "Come and I'll shag your beaver so hard, you'll see your previous incarnation." "That's how you do it." " Do I have to repeat all of it?" " Yes." "About the beaver too?" "Of course!" "They always say that they're annoyed by yobs, but each one of them quietly dreams of meeting an animal who'll fuck her brains out." "Go ahead." "Plonk." "Sorry, forgive me" "I know how you feel..." "I feel the same..." "I feel... the same..." "Move on!" "Yes, but you see I wrote my MA thesis on beavers and they really don't turn me on, so I'm afraid..." "It's only an example, It can be anything else, even water fleas!" "Come on, Bug!" "Mr., Mr. Tytus?" "Bug!" "Plonk!" "Son, it's the best wedding I've ever seen!" "It's so beautiful here." "You think so?" "You'll be more masculine with a broken one." "If women saw it that way, we would all have broken noses" " from the day we were born, Daddy." " Unfortunately, gentlemen, if females find a certain feature attractive, males try to expose it to the extreme." "Even at the expense of their own safety and comfort!" "Take a peacock, for example, Daddy." "You think it's comfortable to run around with such a large tail?" "It's dangerous!" "It reduces the peacock's proficiency, and exposes it to the predators." "But it has to drag it." "Has to!" "Females will only copulate with a male holding the longest tail!" "And they eagerly and en masse fuck with him." "So those with shorter tails... can jerk off at best." "Which is rather hard in the case of a peacock." "Poor things." "What a stupid females." " Is it the same with women?" " Of course, gentlemen, what kind of engines do you have in your cars?" "Well?" "I don't have a car." "Two and a half liters with turbo charge." "Three liters, V 6, 24 valves, dual cam and I added a magnetizer." "I've got 1,6." "But metallic." "And what do you need it for?" "There's a speed limit of fifty in the city." "This is "Radio Zet"." "We are waking you up to great music." "Start a new day with lots of fresh energy and a smile." "Maybe there is something to it?" "I remember once, it was a long time ago, in seventy-six or wait..." "yes, in seventy-six..." "We were shooting a film with our star, Olbrychski." "I work in films, so you know, a lot of folk came to see, and there was this beautiful, beautiful girl among them." "Olbrychski started talking to her but nothing happened." "Suddenly I noticed she was looking at me." "And I was all dressed up so god, like your peacocks!" "Jeans, that my mate brought me from Britain, military jacket," " top-notch, I'm telling you." " And where was that?" "Around Wroclaw, in Brzeg Dolny or something like this." "I'm from Brzeg!" "So you know best what a great places for shooting." "And?" "And?" "And I started talking to her, and she..." "Nice jeans..." "It was the most beautiful girl I have ever made love to." "I wanted to go back there many times but it kind of never happen." "You wouldn't recognize her now." "I would, I would!" "She had a birthmark on her neck." "Here, she had it here..." "Mummy, why Daddy never comes to visit?" "He doesn't love me?" "Mother never wanted to tell me anything." "I've learned from my uncle!" "It was before her A-level exams, nineteen years old, when they arrived." "The filmmakers!" "She went there, just to take a look." "Kornel!" "You've found another brother!" " The heart couldn't take it!" " What heart?" "!" "My lens!" "My contact lens flowed out!" " You wear contact lenses?" " Yeah, yeah..." "And you have the nerve to laugh at me for wearing glasses?" "!" "Stop this bullshit, better help me find it." "Do you know how many fucking hang-ups it gave me, you twat?" "!" " I wear lenses too..." " See?" "My blood." "Did I beat him up too?" "Kornel, did father get pounding?" "Do you know he wears contact lenses?" "Sure I know, so do I." "Sight defects are inborn, but to whack someone because of this?" "Nobody touched him, although..." "Picture this:" "as it turned out a second ago, Mr. Waiter is our brother!" "That's wonderful, could you sir, brother, fill up the glasses for me and my friend?" " But of course." " This is so screwed up!" "What the fuck!" "And you shut up!" "I'm not finished with you!" " But I didn't know..." " Don't you open your mouth, you fucking moron, or I'll kick you so hard, your balls will retract to zero!" "And with those tiny ones you'll be fucking only once in a blue moon!" "Basically, the size of testicles does not determine the frequency of copulation but the number of rivals the male has to compete with." "What?" "I'm just saying that the bigger the testicles of a male, the more polygamous the females are." "Chimpanzees for instance have enormous testicles, big gorillas have small ones." "Only because gorilla females are faithful, and chimpanzees whore around." "You are fucking talking about me?" "!" "To me?" "!" "I'm not talking about anyone specifically..." "OK!" "Let's make a test!" "Who's got the biggest balls around here?" "!" "You've chicken out?" "Who'll square up with me?" "Who'll pick up the gauntlet and take off his pants?" "!" "Do you have any balls at all?" "!" "Let it go, son." "You've heard it yourself, the size of testicles doesn't determine anything." "Are you really Greek?" "My father fled to Poland at the end of the forties." "He was a communist, you know." "What was he like?" "I don't know." "He left me in an orphanage and cleared out to build a better world." "Have you ever been to Greece?" "I lived there for two years, after the martial law in Poland ended, but the weather was too hot." "And they don't have dill pickles there." "Am I Greek too?" "Sure you are!" "We've got Socrates, Homer, Phidias," "What the fuck do we need big balls for?" "It's so hard to be a man, Daddy..." "You're telling this to me, son?" "Three months later." "Well, where is the groom?" " Not in the Rolls-Royce?" " No!" "He's not there!" "Maybe he got scared?" "Oh, thank God!" " Alone?" "Where's Tytus?" " Not in the Rolls-Royce?" "Son, you are all going to be the death of me!" "I've read in "Cosmopolitan" yesterday that ten percent of children have different biological fathers than the ones who raise them." "What are you imputing?" "I'm not imputing anything, I only thought that if Mr. Tytus reads "Cosmopolitan" as well, he might have gotten scared." "Mr. Tretyn!" "Don't you hit back for your own failures, OK?" " What failures?" " We all know what failures!" "Darling, have dinner without me, I've still got some work to do." " He's not picking up." " What?" " Answering machine." " Keep calling." "Unfortunately, gentlemen, the naked truth is merciless, a husband is valuable only when he's monogamous and does the dishes." "But why does the woman should accept such genes?" "What are you burbling about?" "I'm only saying Mr. Tretyn's remarks are not totally devoid of meaning." "We all know women can start an affair even when they seem perfectly happy in marriage." " Mr. Bug!" "Be careful not to go too far!" "Just because you've got biggest balls doesn't mean you can insult my family!" "I'm not insulting anyone." "I'm just stating the obvious." " I left him a message." " Shit, he won't show up." "The article also said that seventy per cent of women married more than five years have extramarital sex, and yet they all value monogamy." "Seventy per cent?" "All screwed up." "God, what to do then?" "How to defend ourselves?" "Copulate." "Copulate constantly!" "But they will always find an opportunity on the side." "Copulate all the more." " Morning!" " Morning, morning." "One has to also go to work." "Exactly." "That's when you have to protect yourself." "A man produces large amounts of special sperm which doesn't fertilize but clogs the way to block the sperm of a potential rival." "Isn't there anything easier?" "There are certain types of dragonfly males with penises build in such a way, they can even remove the sperm of their predecessors from the inside." "Anything even easier?" " Excuse me, do you have a watch?" " Yes." "I plan to." "I plan to have a watch." " Why are you so late, son?" " My fault!" " I forgot the wedding rings, Mr. Stavros!" " Run!" "It's time!" "Love is the most important thing, son." "Everything is easy with love." "Since I'm back together with your mother, I see it all quite differently!" "But I'm a bit scared." "That it's like and end, no more, barred for ever..." "Who told you about the end?" "When you have a wife, son, other babes just fall in your hands." "Dear brothers and sisters." "we have gathered here on this beautiful day... to make the holy and, inseparable union of marriage between the beloved children of God." "Tytus and Patrycja." "St. Paul encouraged men to have love full of devotion and sacrifice." "as the love of Jesus who gave himself away for the sake of the Church." "Wives should love their husbands." "like Christ loves us all." "for through the sacrament of marriage they are enriched with His love." "Christ becomes present in the life of the newlyweds in a new and lifelong way." "He becomes their faithful life companion, ready to offer a hand, ready to enrich their cooling love with His unchanging affection." "Through the sacrament of love a man and a woman share mystical unity, which happens between Christ, the Groom and the Church." "His Bride." "This unity is so tight, the Church forms the Mystical Flesh of Christ." "The married couple also forms one flesh." "As the Book of Genesis states:" ""Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother." "and hold fast to his wife." "and they shall become one flesh."" "Amen." "Cast" "Print out:" "Laser Film Text (Warsaw)"