"You going to be much longer, Tris?" " No, James, just a case of bloat." "OK, I'll wait." "Mr Skerry." "Good thing you called when you did." " lt's not serious." "Bloat can kill if it's not treated." "It's true." "Too much grass eaten too quickly causes too much gas inside hence the bloated appearance." "If you get more than one and a half times normal pressure the animal's heart can't stand the strain, so we have to get rid of the gas." "Now you see this?" "This is a trocar and cannula, a wonder of modern science." "We just have to find the right place." "Push the blade in, let the gas out... and Bob's your uncle." "You have to know the right place." "A fraction out and you can stab it to the heart." "Don't worry, Mr Skerry, I know exactly what I'm doing." "Won't feel a thing." "Right." "Here goes." "Are you all right, Tris?" "Thank you, James, thank you." "Where's Mr Skerry?" "Methane, dear Tristan, is a highly inflammable gas." "Any fool knows that." " Not Skerry." "You should've warned him." "How was I to know...?" " You should've warned him anyway." "Could have been worse." "No harm's been done." "Not yet." " What's that supposed to mean?" "It's our reputation I'm thinking of." "Mr Skerry isn't the kind of person to keep his mouth shut." "This is the sort of thing that spreads like wildfire." "We'll be a laughing stock." "I don't..." " How's the exploding bullock?" "Helen..." "You can't possibly know." "Why not?" "It's all over Darrowby." "Tris, poor love, are you all right?" " Bit singed, lost a few eyebrows." "What about the bullock?" "Bit surprised, otherwise unscathed." "Isn't that rather remarkable?" " l thought so." "The escaping gas must have saved him." "Like those fire-eaters at the circus spouting flames." "That's the idea." " l'm absolutely mystified now." "Albert Skerry lives ten miles away, hasn't got a telephone." "It's only two hours since this incident occurred and it's all over Darrowby." "What are you saying?" " Tris had a nasty shock." "I took him for a pint." " And?" "Stop playing counsel for the prosecution. it's obvious isn't it?" "Not to me." " We went to the Drover's ." "There was just Betty there." "I was looking like a chimney sweep, smelling like a wet bonfire." "She wanted to know." "You told her?" " You'd expect me not to?" "You blamed Skerry?" " l didn't blame myself." "I'm going to help Mrs Hall with lunch." " No, Helen, you're not." "Forgive me." "I get carried away." "I'll take it." "Saved by the bell." " La Belle Helene." "Thank you." "More stilton, Helen?" "Oh, no thanks, Tris." " No, thank you." "You know that telephone call I had before lunch?" "Yes, who was it?" " lt was Ewan Ross." "Good grief." " Why do you say that?" "Well, I heard..." " What?" "Nothing, doesn't matter." " No, it doesn't, does it?" "I don't believe you've met him." " No, I haven't." "There you are." " Who is he, Siegfried?" "He's a good friend of mine." "Probably the finest vet I've come across." "Ewan Ross, the name's familiar." "Where does he live?" "Scarburn." " lt's lovely up there." "Yes it is." "That really brings me to the point." "Tuberculin testing means more work." "It's hard on a one-man practice." "And Ewan is not without his problems." "I'd like James to give him a hand." "Can you spare him, Helen?" "How long for?" " Just till the job's done." "It's sweet of you to ask. lf James wants to go, I wouldn't stop him." "I don't, particularly." "Tuberculin testing?" "But I will, of course." "When?" "This afternoon, he'll put you up." "I'll have to bear the burden here." "What about me?" " l don't want to rub it in, but after the Skerry episode, I'd rather you kept away from the larger livestock." "Shall we say more surgery work?" "Cats, dogs, pet rabbits?" "Thank you." "Ross and you will be sharing the proceeds, James, so it does mean a drop more cash." "Oh fine. lt's all grist to the mill." "I'm sure you'll like Ewan." "He knows more about horses than any man I've ever met." "What ails thee, lad?" "Ewan Ross, that's what." "I've been looking at the map." "Scarburn is remote, high and rough." "Sheep, some cattle. I don't expect there's a horse within miles." "Horse?" "Your brother is one of the best men with horses I know." "He doesn't dispense compliments lightly." "Which makes Ross one of the finest horse doctors around." "Seems so." " So what's he doing in Scarburn?" "Good question." "I smell a mystery." "You started to say something as soon as I mentioned him." "Well I thought better of it, that's all." "Siegfried wasn't best pleased with Skerry's bullock." "No point tempting providence." "You know something." " lt's just gossip." "Hardly your line." "If it is just gossip." "On the other hand..." "On the other hand, what?" "Forewarned is forearmed." "I'm gonna be out on a limb." "If you know something, tell me." " Well..." "Come on, Tris, Siegfried's out." "No one can hear us." "All right." "It's just the stories I've heard." "Ewan Ross is one of the biggest boozers in the business." "He goes on benders lasting for days." "The strong-arm stuff, too." " Strong-arm stuff?" "In the literal sense." "He likes challenging big farm men in bars to take a hold." "You know, shake hands, test of grip." "The big men usually end up in tears and on their knees." "That doesn't sound very funny." "Do you think it's true?" " lt's just gossip." "Of course you don't usually get smoke without some fire." "And I do know he was disqualified from driving for being drunk." "Good afternoon. I won..." "Never seen him before." "Who are tha, mister?" " My name's Herriot." "Where you from?" " Darrowby. I'm looking for Mr Ross." "Who?" " Mr Ewan Ross." "Never heard of him." " He's the veterinary surgeon here." "There's only one veterinary in Scarburn." "That's the Duke." "The Duke." " Meaning me." "I don't understand." "That's enough, lads." "You looking for Mr Ross?" "Yes." "Yes I am." "First on the right." "You can't miss it." " Oh, thanks." "Thanks very much." "You would be James Herriot." " Yes." "Come away in." " Thank you." "Thank you." "Ginnie, here's Siegfried's right-hand man." "Meet James Herriot." "How very nice to meet you." " How do you do?" "Have you had lunch?" " Before I left." "We've just finished." "Are you sure?" " Absolutely." "Coffee, then." "Yes?" " Mm." "Please." "Good." "Make him comfortable, Ewan." "We practically live in here." "Now, we are Ewan and Ginnie and you are going to be James." "Or do you prefer Jim?" "James is fine." " That's settled then." "Sit down, James." " Thank you." "Right, now." "What do you prefer, black or white?" "Black please." "Do you smoke?" " Tried it." "Made me cough." "Then I won't tempt you with one of these." "Where did you learn to do that?" "I've only seen it in cowboy films." "Years ago, in Canada." "It was the only way to get a smoke." "I've never got out of it." " Oh, Ewan." "That's what he says." " Thank you." "Now tell me, James." "How is Siegfried?" "How is he?" "He sounded fine when I called." " Oh, he is fine." "We heard great things about that thrusting practice at Darrowby." "All good." "You'll find things a bit different up here." "Oh?" " Ewan means more leisurely." "I don't want ulcers at my time of life." "That's a sound idea." "But this testing's going to keep us busy." "Oh, with the two of us, we'll not notice the difference." "Have I got anything this afternoon?" " Only Sykes's colt." "Ah, the umbilical hernia." "Would you care to come?" "Oh, yes. I'd like to very much." "Well, there's no hurry." "Drink your coffee and then we'll get ready." "Right." "Let's go." "Here we are." " Thank you." "You don't use sidelines?" "I'm a creature of habit." "And if you can use sidelines, it's still the best method." "Here, James." " Right." "Right, here we go." "It is a guinea fowl, I thought I heard it." "You don't see many in these parts." "Hello Sammy." "Where did you get it?" "Mr Buttle, other side of Fossfy." "He's got dozens." "Has he?" "What's the trouble?" "I think she's egg-bound." " Egg-bound, eh?" "Let's have a look." "It's a bit unethical." " Why?" "It's my patient." "All right." "Let's have a second opinion." "Yes." "Good thing you invited it, Tristan." " Oh?" "This creature isn't egg-bound. lt's a cock." "Here, Sammy." " A cock?" "Mr Buttle promised." "Well, they're not like chickens." "The differences aren't so obvious." "I'm going to see Mr Buttle." "If he promised you a hen, then a hen you shall have." "Ta very much, Mr Farnon." "How much?" "Oh, nothing." "Here, have one of these." "Shall I put one in your face?" " Please." "How about that?" " Thank you." "Goodbye." "Well, that's the ruddy limit." " What is?" "The way you put me down in front of people. lt's unfair." "If you make a wrong diagnosis, you can't expect me to cover up for you." "Now come on, Tristan." "Swallow your pride." "And when you've digested it, we will have words." "Words?" " Yes. I think the time's come for them." "The fact that we are brothers makes our working relationship difficult." "We're too subjective in our attitudes to one another." "Neither of us has this trouble with James." "What an excellent fellow." "Serious." "Damned hard working." "I chose wisely when I took him on." "He's not perfect, but who is?" "The point is, he's not a member of the family, which makes life easier." "Now, we've brought our problem out." " We?" "We've admitted it exists." "That's progress already." "It's the obverse of the coin we must examine next." "If being brothers has disadvantages, should there not also be advantages?" "Er, I don't know." "Should there?" " Think, Tristan." "Think." "Sometimes, you nearly drive me out of my mind." "You're casual, self-centred, irresponsible." "You're a giddy, young hedonist, who puts pleasure before business." "At your age I was much the same." "With maturity, an intelligent man develops a sense of responsibility." "I'm hopeful that what happened to me may, in due course, happen to you." "Only hopeful, mind you." "You're not quite as intelligent as I am." "Thank you!" " Not your fault." "We make the best of what God gives us." "Blood's thicker than water." "Our job makes that obvious." " You know what I mean." "Well, I wish you'd get to the point." " l have." "You see, I've always had a pretty good idea how your mind works." "I've got a good idea how yours does." " Exactly. lt's because we're brothers." "We've got to stop getting on each other's nerves and use this knowledge deliberately and consciously." "And make allowance for each other's differences of temperament." "Of course, I've got my fair share of faults." "I'm sure I can be exasperating at times." "But the point is, I see this as a challenge." "The two of us moving towards a new tolerance and understanding." "What do you say to that?" " Words fail me." "Well, I'm not surprised." "It's revolutionary thinking." "It doesn't mean that I won't kick your idle backside if I think you need it." "But it won't be the same as before." " Oh, why not?" "Because it won't be done in the heat of the moment." "And you won't resent it." "Not at all." "And if you take the long view... it'll make you a more bearable person." "And a far, far better vet." "Well, I think that's been a valuable discussion." "Very." "Think about it, Tris." "Oh, by the way." "I want you to hold the fort tonight." "But I thought you said..." " Damn." "Sorry." "I promised to meet somebody." " You'll have to un-promise." "I simply must go and see Mother." "Right, Mr Sykes, you can untie him now." "Now pull him over on his chest." "That's right." "Now, put your knee behind his shoulder and let him rest there for a bit." "We'll wait till he comes to, James." "Then I'll take you on a tour." "You'll never find some of these farms by yourself." "Then, by that time, it should be just about opening time." "All right, lad." "Steady." "Steady, now." "There's a lad." "There's a good un." "Eh?" "Start at the corner." "Yes, that's the idea." "Just until they settle in." "Rather like homing pigeons." "That's the one disadvantage." "They do fly." "We don't want them going home to roost, do we?" "Well, that's no good." " Blast." "Whatever is it this time, Mr Farnon?" "Guinea fowl, Mrs Hall. I ran over to Buttle's place and bought a dozen." "Whoever wants guinea fowl?" " We do, Mrs Hall." "Domestic economy." " What, like them pigs, I suppose?" "No, not in the least." "Pigs are a much more complicated proposition." "That's splendid, Tristan." "Now, we get the crate in and let them loose." "All right. I'll fix that." "Come on, then." "There you go." "Oh, come on, Tristan." "Try to tilt it." "Quick, so as not to suffocate the ones at the bottom." "There you go." "Over there." "Mind." "They're engaging, hardy little creatures, Mrs Hall." "They came from Africa, you know, on the rigging of the ships that came into Bristol." "Easy to rear." "Make very good eating and they lay very tasty, little eggs." "Worth a guinea a box." "Give you and my brother something to do." "What?" " A little hobby." "Mr Farnon, if you think I haven't got enough..." "Oh, they won't be a spot of bother to you." "You just give them some grain, scraps, a bit of mash." "Tristan'll clean out the cage." "Cheerful little blighters!" "Ker-mick ker-mick ker-mick ker-mick." "Good evening, Mr Skelton." "Yes?" "See you later, Duke." " Maybe." "Mr Ross?" " Two pints, please." "Coming up." "Find your way all right, sir?" " Yes." "No trouble at all." "I asked here on my way over to you." "Let's take a pew by the fire." " Mm." "Well, that was a good afternoon's work." "Yes." "Who was that chap who just went out?" "Oh, the Duke." "Was he here when you called?" "Yes." " With his brothers?" "Thank you." "Could have been." "Thank you." " Good luck." "Cheers." "What about them?" "They're weird, the Skeltons." "Marmaduke, Sebastian, Cornelius, Alonzo." "You don't mean it?" " Great names for Yorkshire lads." "I think there's some gypsy there." " l wouldn't be surprised." "What do they do?" " Alonzo farms." "Cornelius and Sebastian drive lorries for the dairy and Marmaduke, he's the really colourful one." "He's very useful to me, actually." " He didn't seem, erm, friendly." "No." "He thinks of me as the opposition." " But he's not a vet." "He's not qualified but he's what they call in these parts a right good hand." "Ah, yes." " Calving, foaling, lambing." "He's an expert pig killer." "Yes, he makes quite a nice little living." "And he takes boring work off my hands." " Mm." "I've no complaints, James." "None at all." "That's not quite true." "He has one failing, apart from his loud mouth." "Oh, what's that?" " Vanity, I suppose." "He takes on things he isn't qualified to tackle." "Can I ask you a question?" " Of course." "Fire ahead, my boy." "It might seem impertinent." " Try me." "Siegfried says that you're the best man with horses he's ever met." "I watched you operate on that colt." "It was marvellous just to watch." "What I'm getting at..." " l know what you're getting at." "And you needn't think I've outlived the pleasure of a compliment." "It's very nice of both of you." " Mm." "What am I doing in this godforsaken hole, when I might be a horse specialist driving a Bentley round the stables in the north and making a packet in the process?" "Well, if you put it like that..." " Well, that was your question and it's easily answered." "I may be nearly as good as Siegfried suggests." "I'm a lazy and unambitious man, very happily married." "And this godforsaken hole is so beautiful to Ginnie and me that we never plan to leave it." "Let's have one for the road." "Here you are, then." "Come and get it." "Go on, eat up, you lazy beggars." "Indigestion's not the worst you're going to get." "Oh, no." "You'll soon find yourselves served up on Mr Farnon's table." "So think on that." "Why he couldn't get decent, respectable hens, I'll never know." "Foul!" "I'm being taken for granted." " Morning, Helen." "Morning, Siegfried." " lsn't it an enchanting noise?" "Something smells good." "What's that?" "Eggs." " Ah, that's what it is." "I say, Mrs Hall." "Our first guinea fowl eggs?" "No, Mr Farnon." "Just decent, respectable hens' eggs." "Ah." "Thank you." "Have you heard from James, Helen?" "Mm." "He rang last night." " Good." "How did he sound?" "I'm afraid he's enjoying himself." "You must meet the Rosses one day." " Mm. I'd like to." "Why be afraid?" "You're looking particularly beautiful." "Being a grass widow suits you." " lt wouldn't for long." "I'm glad James didn't hear that." "Wouldn't get any work out of him." "You're jolly perky." " Why not?" "The sun is shining." "It's going to be one of those days." "I can feel it in my bones." "Morning." " Morning." "Hello, old chap!" "How did you sleep?" "How did I what?" "Oh, I see." "That's it." "Rottenly, if you want to know." "I was waiting for the telephone to ring." " And did it?" "No. I heard you come in, though, at quarter past four." "Good Lord, was it that late?" "I've, er, poured your coffee, Tris." "Thanks." " What's this?" "Solicitors?" " Don't mind my brother." "What on earth do they want, in the name of fortune?" "It's all brotherly love, from now on." "SKERRY." " l say, steady on." "What's the matter?" " Skerry, Skerry, that's what." "The man with the exploding bullock." " They're demanding damages, on the grounds of negligence." "This letter is a sequel to your paralytic performance." "Don't be unfair, Siegfried." "Me, unfair?" " We all know what happened." "It wasn't Tristan's fault." "Erm..." "Perhaps I did react rather too strongly." "Go on." "What does it say?" " l'll tell you." "Messrs Bullock, Gagg and Wagstaff suggest that five pounds may be adequate compensation for Mr Skerry's waistcoat and trousers and that a hundred pounds may cover the damage done to the cow byre in the subsequent fire." "Subsequent fire?" " Yes." "There wasn't one, Siegfried." "There was a bit of smouldering straw but there wasn't a spark when we left." "Everybody knows Bullock, Gagg and Wagstaff are unscrupulous but I doubt they'd go this far if there hadn't been a fire." "It's not going to be one of those days." "I'll have to see Galbraith." "Oh, damn." "It's the paperboy." "Ginnie." " Ah, Ew." "How's the testing?" " Fantastic." "Oh." " Such a fella, getting on with the job." "The way James works, we'll be days ahead of schedule." "Well, isn't that just grand?" "Lunch won't be long." "Mrs Ross speaking." "Hello, Mr Thwaite." "He's just come in." "Would you like a word or can I take a message?" "Ah, yes. I see." "Mm." "Yes, I see." " What is it, Ginnie?" "One of Tommy Thwaite's cows has put its calf bed out." "Oh. I'll be up this afternoon." " He'll be along this afternoon." "Goodbye." "Ah!" "Care to come, James?" " What is it?" "Bovine prolapsed uterus." " Oh, yes." "Shall we go now?" "See what I mean, Ginnie?" " Yes." "We will have a civilised lunch and pay proper respect to Ginnie's cooking." "Oh." "Yes, of course. I just thought..." "Well, you know." "A prolapsed uterus can be pretty urgent." "They're just trying it on." "They wouldn't have a leg to stand on in court." "Galbraith's inclined to agree." " Only inclined?" "Like all good solicitors, he likes to hedge his bets." "He's not suggesting you pay up?" "There can't be any doubt about who's in the right." "No." "Course not." "I wouldn't dream of paying." "It'd be an admission of negligence." "But there was no negligence." "Tristan's failure to warn Skerry." " That's nothing, is it?" "The legal mind, my dear Helen, is a tortuous thing." "Galbraith thinks that the solicitors, having accepted Skerry as a client, may be prepared to go to court." " But why?" "Because they can't lose, as a firm." "If we lose, we pay the costs and Skerry, and our reputation's damaged." "If Skerry's case fails, he pays the costs." "They won't be out of pocket and our reputation still suffers." "Two telephone calls." "Nice one for you, Helen." "James will be back tonight." " Hm?" "I thought you'd be pleased." " Oh, yes." "Lovely." "Not so good for you, brother." "Colonel D'Arcy's stallion, the one he paid £2,000 for, got tangled up in some wire." "He wants you up there right away." " That is all I need." "Hello, Tommy." "This is Mr Herriot." " Hello, Tommy." "How is she?" " l don't want to upset you but..." "Fact is, I've summat to tell you." " What is it, Tommy?" "Duke Skelton's in there with my cow." "Oh, right then." "You won't be needing me." "Come along, James." "Ee, I didn't mean you to go away." "Duke was passing, said he'd give me a hand." "Well, that's all right. lt doesn't worry me." "He'll do a good job for you." "But you don't understand." "He's been in there an hour and a half." "He's no further forward." "Not doing a bit of good." "He's about buggered and all." "I want you to take over, Mr Ross." "I'm sorry, Tommy. I can't interfere." "You must understand that." "He's begun, he must finish." "No, don't go." "Duke's whacked, I tell you." "If you drive away now, I'm going to lose one of my best cows." "You've got to help me, Mr Ross." "I tell you what I'll do. I'll go in there and if he wants me to help, I will." "Oh, thank you, Mr Ross." "Come right this way." "Well now, Mr Skelton." "How are we getting on?" "I'm doing all right." " You've done your best." "I think Mr Ross should give you a hand now." "Well, I don't." "And if I were looking for help, I wouldn't want him." "That's it, Duke." "You've had enough." "Now let Mr Ross see what he can do." "All right." "But I'll tell you summat, Master Thwaite." "If I can't put that calf bed back, this old bugger never will." "Now that's enough." "Go to the house and get cleaned up." "I'm staying right here." "Now be a good fella." " l'm staying to see the fun." "Quite right, Mr Skelton." "I would have a rest on that straw." "Tommy, bring me a bucket of hot clean water, a pig stool and a pound of sugar." "A pound of sugar?" "A pound of sugar." " What the hangman...?" "James, will you make yourself helpful?" " Oh yes, of course." "Go to the car and bring me two brown paper parcels, my gun and a length of rope." "All right." " Thank you." "Come on." "Come and eat your lunch, come on." "Anything?" " Not a single one." "Oh." "Well, give them a chance to settle." " Yes, I suppose so." "Does big brother know you're doing this for Mrs Hall?" "Simpler if he doesn't." "Anyway, it's the kind of job I love doing." "You know, this Skerry lark's a bit worrying." "Yes. I've been having a few thoughts about that, Tris." "Really?" " Fancy a cup of tea?" "Oh, I'd love one." " Right." "Let's go." "There you go." " Thank you." "Right now, Tommy." "Get that pig stool." "Put it under her, forward of the udder." "All right, Tommy." " All right." "Right, get round here." "Right lads, pull away." "What on earth are you doing?" " Sugar draws the oedema out." "You can't beat it when it's engorged." " lt does?" "Well, aren't you going to give her an epidural?" "Och, no. I don't bother with things like that." "Would you fill that whisky bottle with hot water?" "Yes, of course." "Put it down there, will you?" "Thanks." "Now, Tommy, bring me that beer tray." "Now, I want you both up here with me." "One on each side." "Right." "James, what are you up to?" " l'm going to give you a hand." "Well, there's no need for stripping." "This'll only take a minute." "A minute?" " A minute, if you do what I say." "Now, put the tray underneath and hold that thing level for me." "Right." "Take away the tray." "The bottle, James." "Yes." "What are you doing?" "I'm rotating the horns to put it back in its place and I've got the bottle of warm water to stop it prolapsing again." "Oh, I see." "Aren't you going to stitch it in?" "There's no need for that. lf you do the job properly, it'll never come out again." "Ah." "Saracen, old boy, you have made a mess of yourself, haven't you?" "How bad is he?" " lt's a nasty deep cut, Colonel D'Arcy." "Gone through his extensor down to the cannon bone." "Can you save him?" " l should think so." "Trouble is, the light'll be gone." "Too late to operate now." "Tell you what. I'll clean the wound, put on a soft dressing and I'll be up first thing in the morning." "Right, David, thank you." "You can take him in if you would now." "That's it." "How did it happen?" "You haven't got wire around here." "I thought we hadn't." "It was unfortunate, very." "He was out in the front paddock." "Jeffcott went by with his mare and trap." "Damn fool, she's in season." "Oughtn't to be allowed." "Well, that did it." "Saracen went clean over the railings after her." "It wouldn't have mattered but there was this old barbed wire." "I don't know how it got there." "Somebody may have dumped it." "Anyway, there it was." "Trapped his leg when he landed." "Then he panicked." " That's what did the damage." "I'll say one thing for Jeffcott, he came running." "You never intended to race Saracen?" "Good Lord, no. I brought him in for stud." "Thank you very kindly." "Well, I don't think you need worry too much, Colonel D'Arcy." "I'm pretty sure we can make that leg almost as good as new." "Come on, come on." "Come on, now." "Come on, I've got you." "Come on, get in." "Come on now." "Ker-back ker-back ker-back." "Aah." "Ah." "Come on, come on, come on, come on." "Bother!" "Heh!" "Oh!" "Heh!" "Heh!" "Er!" "Heh!" "Siegfried, are you all right?" "No, Helen, I'm not all right." "You imbecile." "Now remember, brotherly love." "You irresponsible... maniac!" "Aah!" "What did the doctor say?" " Not sprained." "It's just all the muscles have been stretched." "Thank you." "I can't possibly operate tomorrow and that operation can't wait." "What about Richardson?" " Ah, he's on holiday." "I could give you a hand." " lt's a very tricky job." "And a small fortune in bloodstock due for the knackers if we fail." "So what's the matter with Ewan Ross?" " Huh?" "Well, you said he was the best horse doctor you'd ever met." "Great Scott." "Out of the mouths of babes." "Well done, Tris." " lt never even crossed my mind." "Ewan, of course." " Well, there you are then." "James, what brings you back?" "I thought you'd be half way to Darrowby." "Yes, I was." "My embryotome." "I left it in the surgery." "Ewan not here?" " Well, he went down to the Woolpack." "Oh." "Well, I'll just pick it up and be on my way." "James, he went when you left." " That's less than an hour." "He's never so long, unless he's drinking." "I know he told you about it." " Yes." "I'll call on my way and see how he is." " l'd be very grateful." "Mrs Ross speaking." "Oh, Siegfried." "Do you want James?" "Ah." "Well, he's out at the moment." "May I take a message?" "Oh, I see." "Oh, I see." "Well, that's a rotten thing to happen." "Er...well, I know that Ewan would, Siegfried, if he's free." "Mmm." "All right. I'll tell him the moment he comes in and I'll ask him to ring you as soon as he..." "Yes." "Goodbye." " What's all that, Ginnie?" "Siegfried's hurt his wrist." "He's got a major op in the morning and he wants Ewan to do it." " Right. I'll get down to the Woolpack." "Yes." "Speaking." "James." "Hello, Mr Hopgood." "I see." "Thank you very much for ringing." "Mr Herriot is just coming." "Good night." "The landlord of the Woolpack." "He thinks the Skeltons have been lacing Ewan's beer." "Oh yes, I'll bet." "That's the Duke trying to get even." "It's all right, Ginnie. I am on my way." "James." "Go on, nay fear, Corny, lad." "Tha'll have the bugger on his back." "Just you see." "Hold it, Ewan." "Look out for your hands." "You keep out of this, young man." " Ewan!" "Hello, James." "Have a drink, laddie." "No, Ewan." "We are going home." " Kick him out, the cocky devil." "You heard him, Herriot." "Get moving." " Going home?" "The fun's just starting." "I'm not here for fun." "Siegfried needs you." "Siegfried?" "To hell with Siegfried." " l am serious, Ewan." "So am I, laddie." "Here, give me a grip." " He hasn't got the guts." "I haven't got the time, either." "Now you damn well listen to me, Ewan." "Siegfried needs you for an operation in the morning." "You have got to do it." "Siegfried." "Tomorrow morning?" " Come on, Ewan, yes." "That's different." "You'll have to excuse me, gentlemen." "Duty calls." "You stand your ground, Ross." "You're not going to cheat me out of my turn." "You mind your tongue, Duke." "I know who's done the cheating tonight." "This is my house and I say what goes." "Those who don't abide by it needn't come again." "Good night to you, gentlemen." " Come on, Ewan." "Hold tight." "Come on." "Thank you." "Easy." "I must be off." "See if you can read that, James." "Good luck." " Thank you." "I just hope Ewan's on time." "Why shouldn't he be, Siegfried?" "He can be very casual." "You must have found that?" "No." "He simply does things in his own way." "He'll be there." "Ginnie said he would be." "Stop fussing." "Oh, you might do it up." "Erm..." "James." " Yes." "When you were up there, did you have any boozy evenings?" "Nothing so exciting." "Just the odd pint." "is that all?" " Yes." "Why?" "Oh, nothing. lt's just he can be tremendous fun when he's had a couple." "Oh yes, I can imagine." "Well, I must dash." "Er..." "Thank you, Tristan." " Bye." "Bye-bye, Siegfried." " Bye." "What was that all about?" " We both know." "Last minute misgivings." "Any justification for them?" " Why on earth should there be, Tris?" "I saw Ewan at work." "He is fantastic." "I'm sure." "And not, if I may say so, a perfectly straight answer." "He's gone in a cloud of dust." "Are you ready, Tris?" "Ready for what?" " You have your secrets." "It's private business." " Now wait a minute." "Mind if I take the car?" " Yes, I do. I might get a call." "Tell them you'll be out in a couple of hours." "What am I supposed...?" "I mean..." "Mmm." " lt's all right." "Honestly." "What the hell...?" " Good morning, Mr Skerry." "Quite a hole, I must say." " lt's you, is it?" "What do you want here?" "You want us to buy you a new suit and pay you £100 for repairs." "We should be allowed to see the damage." "Well, there it is." "Now clear off my land." "Not so fast, my dear chap." "We've no intention of paying you a sou." "A what?" " A penny, if you prefer." "Oh, you haven't, have you?" "Well, there's a remedy to that." "Ah, yes." "No doubt your legal advisors," "Messrs Bullock, Gagg and Wagstaff - it does have a certain ring to it - have advised you to take us to court if we don't oblige." "I'm saying naught." " Very wise, Mr Skerry." "But I am." "If we go to court, I bet you this fiver you'll lose." "Are you cracked in the head?" " lt was your negligence, Mr Skerry." "When Mr Herriot and I left you we were sure all traces of fire had been extinguished." "How it flared up again is another matter." "If you weren't satisfied, then it's your responsibility to call the fire brigade." "In court it will simply be a matter of our word against yours." "And if you don't win, which you won't, you'll pay all the costs, ours as well as yours." "Steady on." " And we'll be counterclaiming." "Counterclaiming?" " Oh, yes." "Claiming damages for malicious prosecution and harm done to our reputation." "I'd think about it, old chap." "If you take my advice, look before you leap into litigation." "I mean, we poor devils can always lose." "Lawyers never do." "Oh. I almost forgot." "My bill for that bloat job." "No hurry, Mr Skerry." "Pay when convenient." "Goodbye, Mr Ross and erm..." "Well, thank you." "Not a bit. I'll be back in three days but you've got nothing to worry about." "Goodbye, man." "Look after that." "Oh, I shall, Ewan." "Er..." "Thank you very, very much." " Not at all." "Love to Ginnie." " Of course." "Are you set?" "What an astonishing fella." "All those damned brown paper parcels." "Farnon, you had me damned worried." " l did?" "Well I've seen some operations in my day but your friend Ross..." "Ah, well." "He's the nearest thing to a genius you can find in our trade." "I don't doubt it now." "Never seen finer work." "Do you say he lives at, er...at Scarburn?" "Yes." "Just eight miles up the road." "I've never even heard of him before." "No. I don't think many people have." "Morning, morning." " Morning." "How's your wrist?" " Oh, Helen, thank you. lt's mending." "Well, now, that improves the day." "Good old Galbraith." " What's happened?" "Messrs Bullfrog, Gaggle and Fagstaff have climbed down." "Mr Skerry has withdrawn his complaint." "I should hope so." " l didn't expect it, James." "How on earth do you think Galbraith wangled it?" "He's shrewd, though." "Awfully shrewd." " Oh, er...by the way, Siegfried." "Yes, my dear boy." " l'd er..." "like you to hold the fort tonight." "Yes, of course." "Anything you want." "What?" "Hold the fort, old chap. I simply must take James and Helen to see Mother."