"Oh, yeah." "Oh, it's so good." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah!" "Please, not here." "Please." "Couldn't we go somewhere else?" "I live nearby." "We could go there." ""Alex Meltra"" ""071-731-2920." "Please call me"." "It's five o'clock." "Mmm." "We slept all day." "Mmm." "I've got to do the dishes." "What a stink." "Come here." "I think I've got to do these dishes." "Philip." "Come back to bed." "Your face feels like Velcro." "Well, I'll shave when we get back to my place." "Are you sure you want me to stay with you tonight?" "We can get some Indian food and then I'll go back to Ladbroke Grove later on." "What are you talking about?" "I just don't want you to get sick of me." "Oh, if I get sick of you, I'll tell you." "They're lucky to have escaped." "Probably on their way to a lab." "Hello." "Hi." " Hi, Philip." " Hi." "I suppose you've been your usual productive self today." "Less of the sarc, you big fairy." "It's not my fault if I'm an obsessive." "Your stepfather called." "Derek?" "He isn't exactly my stepfather." "I never know what to call him." "Try Derek." "What are you writing about?" "These famous twins who invented their own language." "Little girls." "There was a big debate whether they should be separated and forced to learn English or kept together so the language could be studied." "The social workers won." "So the girls did learn English?" "Yeah." "Can't be late for my hot date." "See you boys." "Ciao." " Bye." " Bye." "Come on." "Margaret chose to live on the street not unlike this one..." "After the coming of the rains the middens seethe with awakening life." "By devouring and burying the fresh dung, the beetles play a vital role in recycling valuable nutrients." "Hello!" "Hello." "Did you walk all the way?" "Practically to Baker Street." "Then I got a bus." "Ooh." "What?" "Nothing." "Mm, Rose." "My Rose." "Owen... you really must help me to find somewhere for us to live." "I've got some details about flats." "Well, sometimes I think we'll end up homeless." "Silly." "Rose." "My Rose." "# I am skipping on a sidewalk... #" "I'm thinking of telling my parents... about us." "Which means, of course, telling them about me." "You think it's a good idea?" "I don't really know your parents." "I don't think this is going to be a big shock for them." "No?" "But it's not enough just telling them and then shutting up and never talking about it again." "I feel I should let them know what it's like." "Having my life." "Having you." "The fact is, that... no matter how well you explain to your mother that you like taking it up the bum... she's not gonna be happy about it." "I'm not saying you shouldn't tell her, I'm just... suggesting that you think about it... very carefully." " Elliot." " Mm?" "If I tell them... would you come to meet them?" "Would you come to dinner sometime?" "Sure." " Really?" " Mm-hm." "You can't sleep." "You want me to rub your back?" "Oh, hi, Owen." "Winston." "Oh." "Well, well, well." "Forgive me." "I was miles away." "Nothing wrong, I hope?" "Good God, no." "And how are you?" " Settling in, I hope?" " Oh, I'm fine." " My students are a bit strange." " Oh, I'm sure you can handle them." "Hello, Pauline." "Uh, and have you, uh, made any friends?" " I expect you're still a bit homesick." " Oh, I'm getting by." "We must have dinner one night." "I mean, you should come home and meet my wife, Rose." " She's an excellent cook." " Ah, that sounds terrific, Owen." "Thanks." " Can I interest you?" " No, thanks." "I ate earlier." " All right." "Bye." " Ok." "See you, Winston." "Nick, hello." "Hello, Rose." "You look well." "Not bad." " Do you fancy lunch?" " Sorry, Rose." "Already booked." "Of course you are." "How about next week?" "Yes?" "Next week." "Good." "I'd like that." " Rose?" " Yes?" "It's nice to see you." ""Today, his eyes seemed bluer" ""than the azure of a Renaissance fresco." ""She gave herself totally to the empty void" ""that was her destiny. "" "So what are you doing here in your lunch hour anyway?" "I missed you." "Did I say something wrong?" "I've got a surprise for you." "What?" "Well, uh, Derek and Geoffrey are flying in tomorrow... and we can spend Sunday with them if you like." "That's wonderful." "I'll have to read all Derek's books again." "Listen, I can't see you for a few days." "It's this project." "They want it in by Friday." "Well, I've got some work to take home." "Some manuscripts." "Maybe I could just do my editing while you do your drawing." "I really don't think so." "For the next few days, I've got to buckle down." "Do I distract you?" "I'm sorry." "I've got to push on." "OK." "Hello?" "Mum?" "Mum, it's me." "Well, it's not often we get a spontaneous visit from the likes of you." " I had a free night so I thought I'd drop in." " That's nice." "Your father's not here, I'm afraid." "The board of admissions are having one of their meetings." "I'm not expecting him back before 10:00." "I wasn't planning on anything for supper." " Don't know what's in the fridge." " A sandwich will be fine." "I, er, thought I'd go through some of my old books." " I thought tonight would be a good night." " Tonight?" "Yeah, fine." "Mum?" "What's the latest on the flat?" "Mr. Weisman returns in three months and that's that." "We're out." "You mean after 20 years, just like that?" "Oh, let's leave it." "I really don't want to talk about it." "I'll get you your sandwich." ""For Elliot, if he wants it"." ""What, you may ask, is a wish portal?" ""A wish portal is a door between places you thought were real" ""and places you assumed were imaginary." ""On one side of every wish portal" ""is someplace that seems ordinary." ""School, the back yard, your bedroom." ""On the other side is a gateway to an unknown world." ""Now, imagine a house built right on the line" ""between two time zones." ""This means that when it's one o'clock in the bedroom" ""it's two o'clock in the kitchen." ""Easy to miss lunch." ""What happens to the hour you lose" ""when you walk across the house to get a sandwich?" ""A house like that is exactly the sort of place 'you should expect to find a wish portal." ""A place where time is broken. "" "Hello?" "Alex Meltra." "This is Owen Benjamin." "You gave me your number, said I should call." " I did?" " Yes." "You left it for me?" "In a note." "Said to call." "I don't think so." "Where did I give you this note?" "Cinema." "Cinema?" "Oh, no, no." "I haven't seen a film in ages." " No time, dear." " The Fantasy Cinema." " The what?" " Fantasy." "A Fantasy?" "The Fantasy." "What, you... you mean a porno cinema?" "On Christmas." "Are you someone from my deep, dark past?" "I haven't been to a porno for years." "I" " I'm sorry." "This is a mistake." "I'm sorry." "Oh, no, no, no." "Wait." "Someone in a porno cinema gave you my number?" "No." "Er..." "You sound upset, Bowen." "Owen." "Owen, Owen." "Not Bowen." "Well, can you describe this man who gave you my number?" "It was dark." "Of course." "Look, I am sorry." "This is a mistake." "Erm..." "What day was this?" "Sunday." "Oh, my God." "I do believe I've solved our mystery." "You see, I gave my, erm, my number to this actor..." "Bob Dooley." "I'm an agent, you see." "To be perfectly honest, I rather liked his looks." "But I really wouldn't recommend Bob Dooley." "He's, er, such a closet case." "Of course, erm..." "I understand." "Thank you." "I'll say goodbye." "Bowen." "Bowen?" "Bowen." "Bowen." "Bowen." "Owen, what are you doing here?" "Oh, hi." "Working late." "You know." "Sure." "You?" "Oh, squash." "Gave him a good beating." "Oh, I'm sure." "Ahh." " Fancy a drink?" " No, thanks." "I got to get home." "Got work to do." "Ah." "Sure." "I'll be seeing you, Owen." "Yeah." "Oh, er, you know, erm... don't forget... about dinner." "Oh, yeah, right." "Thanks, Owen." "Of course, nobody knew that he actually made love to his dog but, erm, being a poet, he'd written reams to the little creature and then being Italian, when he was on his deathbed," "he summoned a priest and he confessed saying, "I know nothing closer to divinity" ""than the taste of a dog's tongue"." "Of course, I think he rather screwed his chances of receiving the last rites." "Oh." "I've heard of building an appetite for lunch but this hill is going to kill me." "Come on, old girl." "Less of the old." "So, Derek, how is the new book?" " The new book?" " Yes." "I'm afraid so." "That's why I'm here, to do some publicity for it." " I was practically raised reading your books." " Really?" "Poor thing." " Geoffrey, you got the copy?" " Of course." " There you are." "That's for you." " Thank you." " Remind me to sign it later." " Thank you." "Well, Elliot, how's London treating you?" "Elliot never told me that his parents had introduced you and Derek." "Mmm." "Introduced us, nurtured us... carried love notes... even supported us for a while." "Letting us have the big house in the Hamptons while Derek was writing The Frozen Field." "That was after Julia came into her inheritance and began giving money to her artist friends." "Geoffrey, I hope you don't mind me asking you this, but, erm... how did Elliot's parents die?" "Oh." "Well... not very extraordinary." "After a party in the Hamptons, they were driving home, someone was drunk but it was never clear who or which car and... after that, we were parents." "Small boy without a home and a will stipulating that Derek and I should adopt him." "When we took Elliot to school the first day to register him" "I will never forget the look on that woman's face when she asked, "Father's name?" And I said..." ""Which one?"" "You know, I love being talked about as if I weren't here." "Sorry, Elliot." "Philip's just curious." "And it is quite a story." "We had such a house in the village." "People in and out all the time, sleeping on the living room couch." "Never any shortage of friends for Elliot." "So many things were easier in those days." "But Owen, you promised me." "Rose, I will." "Next weekend." " But you said that last weekend." " I promise." "No, seriously, Owen." "We must start looking." "We've got less than three months." "Next weekend." "I promise." "Why must you go out every single Sunday?" "Why must you?" "Why?" "Rose, please." "Don't do this." " Sundays are the only day to myself." " But just this once." "Three months, Owen." "Three months." "I'll see you this evening." "Sometimes I think we'll end up on the streets." "One, two, three, fromage." "There we are." "OK, my turn." "You get in." "All right." "And..." "Geoffrey, don't be so silly." "Please." "And..." "Good." " It's been really good to see you both." " I'm happy to find you looking so well." " And to have met you, Philip." " It's been a thrill for me." "Thank you." "I hope you don't mind, but you did say to remind you." " What was that?" " To sign your book." "Oh, yes." "Of course." "Of course." "Right, pen." "Thank you." "Behave yourself." "Goodbye." "It was lovely." "See you again hopefully." "Here we are." "Thank you." "Nice to have seen you." "Be good, my dear." "Take care." "Mm-hm." " Bye-bye." " Bye-bye." " It's been good." " It's been nice." " It's been a great day." " Come on, come on, come on." "Bye." ""For Philip, if he wants it"." " Bye-bye." " Bye." "Bye." "Elliot." "I think there's trouble." " Huh?" " Trouble." "Do you want a drink?" "Just, erm, mineral water." "Not a beer?" "Philip, hi." " Hi, Robin." " Where's Elliot?" "He's over there." "Listen, we're, um... we're a bit busy to chat now." " What did you want?" " Er, Pils and a Perrier, please." "Well, call me soon." "Don't forget." "I just saw Robin." "Haven't been here for ages." "Not since the last time we came together." " That's right." " It's not so long ago." "I suppose not." "I'm gonna have a piss." "I lost you." "I ran into some people." "You all right?" "You wanna go home?" "I don't know why we came here in the first place." "Good night, fellas." "Thanks." "That was a great day." "If you'd wanted to know about my parents you could have asked me." "You didn't have to get it from Geoffrey." "I don't enjoy having my life held up to public scrutiny." " I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." " Don't patronize me." "I don't know what you want." "I mean..." "You say I should've asked you instead of Geoffrey but you won't even give me a chance." "I have the right to be private about what I wish to be private about." "Elliot, I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry." "Look, I don't mean to throw a hundred things at you at once but..." "I'm having serious doubts about this relationship." "Meaning what?" "Your need is frightening me, Philip." "Those nights we spend apart all the way across London I can feel your anxiety." "Miles away, you were clinging." "You wouldn't let go." "I'm sorry that you think that." "I think that I really love you and I get very scared." " Of what?" " Of having this conversation." "I've tried so hard to avoid it." "I thought that my loving you, I thought that I could avoid it." "That's the problem." "You don't trust yourself enough to trust us." "And it makes me wonder." "Is it really me you've been loving?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, sometimes it seems to me that you don't even know me." "You haven't gotten to know me at all." "You haven't even tried." "Philip." "Philip, stop." " What are you doing?" " I'm going home!" " Why?" " Don't!" "How dare you say that to me?" "I mean, it just isn't fair!" "What's not fair?" "Maybe I didn't see you." "Maybe I don't really know you." "But is that all my fault?" "Whenever I try to ask you anything, you just clam up or you get angry." "If I don't really know you, it's because you won't let me." " You know it's not that simple." " Well, then what?" " Hm?" " You say you're in love with me." " But you don't know about being in love..." " No, stop." "...because this is nothing." " Stop it." "You have no right to tell me that I don't love you." "I have felt it." "I have felt it here." "Now you can tell me that I'm... selfish." "You can tell me I'm childish." "You can tell me I'm self-involved." "But don't tell me that what I feel isn't real." "OK?" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "You're right." "Where are you going?" "Home." "It's late." "You really want to go home now?" "All alone in the cold?" "I'm sorry." "I was angry." "What about tomorrow?" "Tomorrow is tomorrow." "Tonight I want you to stay with me." "I want to be with you tonight." "I'm gay." "I'm gay." "You're shocked." "This isn't something new." "Everyone at work knows, all my friends know." "Everybody..." "Everybody knows except for you." "And it's not just a question of homosexuality, it's a question of secrets." "I know that it must be, er... a shock for you... that so much of my life I've had to keep so many secrets." "I know all children have secrets." "But usually those secrets don't make up such a huge part of their lives." "No more secrets." "No more." "So now you know." "Won't you say something?" "I'm not sure I know what to say." ""I'm glad you told me"?" "I'm not sure that I am glad." "You'd rather I'd have kept a secret even longer?" "Well, we all have secrets." "Does that mean they all have to be revealed?" "Sometimes it's better to be honest." "Better for whom?" "Better for all of us." "I wish I could be so sure." "Well, I'll, erm..." "You'll have to give us time." "Right, Owen?" "Need time." "I just didn't think it was fair for you not to know such an important part of my life." "There are things I could tell you, Philip." "Things I have never told a living soul." " Tell them." " No." " Why not?" "I'm prepared." " Well, I'm not." "Keeping certain secrets secret... is important to the general balance of life." "Oh." "So you'd rather that I marry a woman." "So that I can feel anxiety every time I don't feel something sexual." "Maybe we can have sex now and then if I think about a man while I'm doing it?" "You think that's fair?" "So I can wake up in 30 years and look back and see that I've wasted my life?" "It would be awful." "A tragedy." "Well, some people would consider a homosexual life a tragedy." "I consider this to be a tragedy." "The tragedy is that you insist on making it into a tragedy." "Er..." "Were you going to say something, Dad?" "Dad, you haven't said anything at all about any of this." "Are you OK?" "OK?" "Yes." "I-I-I-I think it's OK." "Erm..." "I'm sorry, son." "I'm sorry I haven't said anything." "I should, er..." "I should probably go." "I should get home." " Are you healthy?" " As far as I know, yes." "I'm only asking." "I read the papers." "I watch television." " I know about AIDS." " I'm fine." "I'm safe." "I know what I'm doing." "Shall I call you tomorrow?" "I'll call you tomorrow." "Bye, Dad." "I'll make some tea." "Owen." "Owen!" "Owen!" "Ohh." "Owen, I know it's hard." "But it'll be all right." "He's a good boy." "He'll look after himself." "Oh, it doesn't have to be the end of the world." "It is the end of the world." "What?" "What did you say?" "I'll make the tea." "Owen." "Owen!" "Owen." "Oh, please." "Please?" "No!" ""A young child of about three lived with his disturbed teenage mother" ""in a rundown tenement block." ""Barely able to feed or care for him" ""the mother frequently left the child alone." ""Social workers were eventually alerted." ""They found the child looking remarkably well and cheerful" ""considering how severely he had been neglected. "" ""But his play was unlike anything" ""they had ever seen before." ""He would raise his arms then jerk them to a halt," ""stand up on his scrawny legs, then fall, bend, and rise." ""He made sudden strange noises," ""a kind of screeching in his throat." ""The social workers looked out and observed" ""a crane on a nearby building site" ""and realized that the child was copying it." ""As it lifted, he lifted." ""As it bent, he bent." ""The child had found its own language." ""The language of the cranes. "" "Hi." "We can't get to the phone right now." "If you leave your name and number" "Elliot or Jarene will call you back as soon as they can." "Elliot, it's Philip." "Please call me." "I keep leaving messages and..." "Elliot, listen, please, call me." "Philip." "Yes." "Thanks for calling." "Thursday, 4:10pm." "Well, that's that." "Elliot's left London." " Where did he go?" " Paris." "Of course." "Where else?" "Well, what I miss about him is the sense of euphoria he gave me." " Real euphoria." " He's a wanker." "Men are wankers." "I should be more independent." "Or challenging." "Maybe I should have... played hard to get." "I should've been tough." "Right from the beginning he encouraged you to be totally dependent on him." "He enjoyed that." "Used it." "He's a wanker." "Philip?" "Philip?" "This is your father." "Hello." "This is Philip." "I can't come to the phone right now." " Leave your name and number after the tone..." " Poofter!" " ..." "I'll call you back as soon as possible." " Poofter!" " Thank you." " Your father's a fucking poofter." "Poofter!" " Well, it's wonderful." " Hm." "Large." " Bright." " Yes." "New." " It's like a ballroom." " Isn't it?" "May I have this dance?" "I don't know, Rose." "What?" "I don't know." "It's a lot of money for only one bedroom." "Do you think we won't be able to keep up the mortgage?" "It would be tough." "Do you want to live in this neighborhood?" " Oh, I want to stay where we are." " We can't afford to." "You know that." " So, what are we going to do?" " I don't know, Rose." "That's all you ever say." ""I don't know, Rose." "I don't know"." "I'm scared." "Don't be." "We've still got time." "Something will turn up." "Owen, face the facts." "We're in a lot of trouble." " I don't want to move out of London." " Well, we won't have to." "We will, Owen." "You said yourself we'd have to move to the outskirts to manage a mortgage." "We're starting from scratch." "This is our first mortgage." "Don't." "Something will turn up." "We've got plenty of time." "Thank you." "I'm glad you could make it tonight, son." "Oh." "Well, thanks for asking me, Dad." " How's Mum?" " Oh." "You know your mother." "Creature of moods." "She'll be fine soon." "To be honest with you, Philip, ever since your announcement to your mother and me, there are certain things I've been..." "I've been wanting to ask you." "I'm interested in your experience of growing up." "I mean, I've never been good at... expressing affection... much less asking personal questions." "And, you know, you come home with this news." "And I thought, erm..." "Well, I thought I'm tired of being restrained." "I should ask what I want to know." "I should take an interest in my son, hm?" "You ask anything you want, Dad." "How did it start?" " What?" " Your sexual life." "Erm... in the beginning, it was, er... fooling around with Jerard when we were kids." "But my first adult experience, er..." " Dad, are you sure you want to hear this?" " Mm-hm." "It was a grope with a much older man in a cinema." "Cinema?" "Porno cinema." "I was 17." "And after that... erm... a few bits and pieces." "Nothing to write home about." "And then at university I had a boyfriend." "Six months, off and on." "And all through this, you... you were sure, you knew you were... gay?" "Mm-hm." " How old were you when you knew?" " About 13 or 14." "Have you ever slept with a woman?" "No." " Forgive me for asking such naive questions." " It's fine." "It's just that I was wondering..." "You know, it seems to me that... fundamentally, everybody's bisexual." "Don't you think?" "No, I don't." "I think that some people are... and a whole lot of others are one way or the other." "This whole bisexual thing can become an excuse." "A way of avoiding commitment, or avoiding the truth." "Do you still go to that cinema?" "The one you mentioned?" "The porno?" "No." "I've never been back." "Listen..." "Er... can I ask you something?" "Can you always tell when someone is gay?" "Well, it's hard to say." " Sometimes." " How?" "How can you tell?" "." "Well, gay people, erm... give off signals to other gay people." "Er, they may, erm... give off a sexual buzz towards men... but not towards women." "Why?" "I was just wondering because there's this, erm... young, erm, English lecturer at the university." "I don't know what he is." "He's very nice." "He's very charming." "And, erm... well, you know, er... well, if he was... is... gay..." "Well, I think you might like him." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Oh, Philip, I'm sorry." "Forget it." "Forget I said it." "No, no." "Forget it." "I mean, it was a mistake." "Dad, I don't want to forget it." "Really." "I, erm..." "I appreciate you thinking about me." "Yeah." "Well..." "I..." "I was wondering if, you know, you were free for dinner on Sunday..." " I might ask your mother to ask Winston." " Hm." " I don't see why not." " Good." "I think you might like him." ""The feeling of anticipation was overwhelming." ""Her veins flooded with pure ecstasy." ""Her love was complete." ""An entire choir of skylarks joined her" ""in celebrating the moment of realization. "" "Hmm." ""Her eyes slowly scanned the room," ""the centerpiece of which was a sumptuous king-sized bed." ""Her arms encircled him." "Time stood still. "" "Gin and tonic, please." "# For love might come and tap you on the shoulder" "# Some starry night" "# And just in case you think you wanna hold her... #" "Hi." "How are you?" "Fine." "Can I get you another drink?" "Er..." "Why not?" "Gin and tonic." "Let me get you some money." "No, that's all right." "It's on me." "Cheers, thanks." "I'm Frank, by the way." "Owen." "This a regular haunt?" "Er, not really." " No?" " No." "Oh, I sometimes drop in when I'm working in the West End." " What do you do?" " The building trade." "You?" "The university trade." " Academia." " Oh." "You married?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I thought so." "Me too." "It's difficult, eh?" "Yeah." " Where do you live?" " Stanmore." "I've got a friend's place for tonight though." "Listen, are you a nice bloke or what?" "'Cause what I need right now is someone... someone knows what they're doing, not some arsehole." "There's too many arseholes out there." "Yeah." "So when I saw you come in, I thought..." ""Wow", I thought, "He's different"." "Well, like I said, er..." "I've got this place for tonight." "I mean... would you like to go there?" "Go there with me?" "Yeah." "I'd like that." "I'll get my coat." "I better go." "Rose will be sick with worry." "And what do you tell her?" "Here's my number at work." "Give me a ring, will you?" "All right." "Bye." "Hello, Rose." "Hello." "I was worried about you." "I shan't ask any questions." "I don't want to know anything." "But I want you to promise me something." "I want you to promise me the next time you stay out until three o'clock in the morning, you phone me and warn me." "So that I don't worry myself to death wondering if you're still alive." "Yes, you're right, Rose." "I..." "I'm sorry." "I will." "Rose?" "Rose?" "Rose..." "How's Nadia?" "Good." "No problems since this last operation." "She's good." "And your family?" "Not much to tell." "Philip's still in publishing like us and Owen..." "Well, he gets depressed a lot of the time." "We have to get out of the flat." "Why?" "Returning owner occupier." "You mean the landlord wants to live there again?" "Yes, after 20 years." "Oh." "Rose, I'm sorry." "Couldn't you get a mortgage on another place?" "What, at these rates?" "No, Nick." "We're in a mess." "To be honest, there are other things." "Things are a bit difficult at the moment." "Do you want to talk about it?" "Well, if you ever do..." "I'm always here." "For old times' sake." "I think of you often these days." "More often than I would've guessed." "I think of you too, Rose." "Of course." "Of course you do." "Nick..." "I meant what I said." "If... you ever want to talk." "Thank you." "I may just need to." "I've packed it in." " What?" " The thesis." "You've what?" "You've got to do what you believe in." "I've had it with academics." "It was just an excuse to avoid everything." "Like what?" "Myself." "I mean, look at Elliot, pissing off to Paris." "That's the ticket." "Philip, I'm sorry." "I didn't mean it that way." "It's all right." "No, it's OK... now." " I've heard from Elliot." " What?" " I got a letter." " When?" "When did you get a letter?" "A few days ago." "He says that, er... he's got a nice, depressed boyfriend called Thierry." " He's obviously getting on with his life." " So are you." ""I did love you..." ""in my own particular way." ""The problem is, loving someone is not the same" ""as wanting to spend your life paired with them." ""This is cruel of me to say perhaps"." ""I knew that there was no way I could not"..." "Let me see." "Hurt you?" ""Hurt you." ""I wanted you at least to have the benefit of being able to be angry at me," ""to hate me a little" ""because I know that makes it easier"." ""If there's one thing I know about you, Philip..." ""it is that you are, whether you like it or not," ""helplessly optimistic." ""Sometimes I think you are doomed to happiness"." "Does it bother you when people assume that we're a couple?" "Aren't we?" "I suppose we are in some ways." "It's nice, isn't it?" "Yes." "Do you ever think about the possibility of us becoming a couple?" "Sometimes." "Good." "Me too." "What are you making for dinner?" "Lasagne." "You know your father's invited someone from work." "A young man in need of a good home-cooked meal." "Have you met him?" "No, but your father's talked a lot about him." "He's American." "Dad said." "He said?" "The night we had dinner." " You and your father had dinner?" " Yes." "On Tuesday." " Well, you work fast." " I know where everything goes." "How do you know we haven't changed everything?" "How do you know we haven't completely reorganized the kitchen?" " I don't." " Well, we obviously haven't." "I'm just teasing." "Why are you so cold to me?" "Cold to you?" "I come home and you act as though you'd rather I just jump out the window." "Is that how I make you feel?" "." "Look, I'm sorry, Philip." "But you can't expect me always to be sweetness and light and maternal warmth." "Sometimes your own life preoccupies you." "You're grown up now." "You can't expect me to be treating you like a child and pretending that I'm feeling good when I'm not." "It just seems to me that ever since I came home and said I was gay you've been furious." "Why don't you just come out with it...?" " Don't put words into my mouth, young man." " I'm not." "I'm telling you what I think." "I think you're angry because I haven't behaved like your textbook liberal mother... joining some organization... wanting to talk to you endlessly about sex... spending all my time trying to understand you." "You say I'm not being very kind." "Well, I'm not feeling very kind." "I've got problems of my own at the moment and I'm not willing to spend all my energy trying to ease your guilt." "My guilt?" "You phone me and all you want me to say is, "It's all right, all is forgiven." ""I love you"." "You don't have to be so cruel." "If you don't like it, leave it." "Did Dad tell you why he was inviting this American?" "Just being nice, I suppose." "He told me that he was sort of, well... trying to fix me up." "What?" "Well, he thinks this Winston character might be gay and he thought it would be a nice thing to introduce us." "Didn't he tell you?" "No." "He did not." " I'm sorry." "I just assumed that he had." " I want no part in this." "I want nothing to do with it." "Any of it." "Go and lay the table." "Oh, hello, son." "Hello, Dad." "Son, this is Winston." "Winston Penn." "Winston, Philip, my son." "Philip, good to meet you." " My dad talks about you all the time, Winston." " I'm not sure I wanna know what he says." "Only the highest praise, I assure you, Winston." "You should hear what I say about the others." " Here, let me take your coat." " Oh, thank you." "Erm..." "Would you like something to drink?" "Uh, Coke'd be fine or mineral water if you have one." "I'll get it." "So... what do you think?" "They're here." "Good." "Good." " Oh, hello." "I'm Rose Benjamin." " Pleased to meet you." "Rose?" "Rose?" "Oh." "Onions." "Just onions." "This is really great lasagne." "You've got a good appetite." "I like that." "You know, I once ate three pizzas rolled up length-wise." "Tell us about your family, Winston." "Well, I grew up with my three brothers and my dad on a farm." "My mom died when I was little." "Did you milk cows every day?" "No." "We had farmhands." "My brothers and I just went to school and took trumpet lessons once a week." "This is really great salad." "Er, Winston?" "Philip's very big on Proust." "Aren't you big on Proust?" "Well, I have read him, if that's what you mean." "But I'm hardly an expert." "Just shows you how much I know." "Now, this wine comes from the vineyard where Proust grew up as a little boy." " Did you know that?" " No, I didn't." "Have you been to Paris?" "Have you been to Europe at all?" "." "No, but I think Paris would be the first place I'd want to go." "Proust's house." "What you must do is you must... you must really take time to see Europe... and particularly, you must go to Greece." "Greece is absolutely beautiful." " Mykonos." " Ah, yes, Mykonos." "Have you been?" "As a child." "Yes, it is and they just get drunk and..." " Owen, thanks." "I'll be seeing you tomorrow." " Oh, must you go so soon?" " I'm afraid so." " Well, I'm glad you could make it tonight." " Well, thanks for inviting me." " Well, Mum, thanks." "Goodbye." "Bye, Dad." "Bye, son." "Well, thanks again." "Bye." "Your mood's changed quickly." "I'm feeling a little tired, that's all." "Rose?" "How much do you know?" "Everything." "What are you doing here?" "I've come to see you." "How long do you think we should keep this silence up?" "I thought maybe you wanted to let things be." "Let sleeping dogs lie." "Nothing's sleeping here." "Not anymore." "What's so funny?" "I was just thinking how many times I didn't notice things." "How many times I looked the other way." "Drew ridiculous conclusions... so that I didn't have to face the truth." "Now that everything's slotting into place... makes me laugh." "You can leave me, Rose... if that's what you want." "Or I'll leave if you prefer." "What if it's not what I want?" "Then I'll stay." "God knows I want to." "Everything I know... everything that makes me feel safe in this world is here with you." "But I must be honest." "No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I can stop..." "No matter how hard I try not to think about men..." "It's no good, Rose." "I couldn't stop now, even if I wanted to." "It's beyond me." "Beyond my control." "The other night..." "I met someone." "I don't want to hear the gory details." " It's too much for me." " For Christ's sake, please." "Please don't shut me up anymore." "It'll just be bad for both of us if we go on pretending." "How can you say that?" "How can you say that?" "I don't understand." "Pretending?" "All our marriage?" "Everything with me?" "Just pretending?" "Don't you see, even if it's true, what that does to me?" "It wasn't all like that." "Rose..." "I love you more than anything on earth." "I always have and I always will." "But there are facts that have to be faced here, for me as well as you." "Sexually..." "I'm more attracted to men." "It's something I've been hiding... suppressing... for years." "Not that part." "Not that part." "Forgive me, Rose, for pointing this out to you." "But you haven't exactly been faithful to me." "I know you thought I didn't know, but I did." "Not that I minded." "It made me feel better... less like I'd wrecked your life." "And I thought you deserved that." "Real love from a man who really felt what men should feel for women." "I never made any ultimatums, even when I felt jealous." "And I was jealous." "I thought I was getting what I deserved." "As punishment." " Is that all?" "." " Yes." "I don't think my having a relationship with another man is in any way comparable, is in any way like..." "My having a relationship with another man." "Don't interrupt." "Because I was very careful, Owen." "I made sure that I didn't disrupt what we had together." "It was something separate." "Something I needed for reasons which are now quite clear and obvious." "But with you... you're saying that the whole premise of our marriage was a lie." "That your other life... that was the real thing." "But for me... you were always the real thing." "All right, Rose." "All right." "The thing is, I want to stay with you." "I want to stay married to you." "How do you think I feel?" "." "I mean, think of me for once." "A marriage that's a pretence, a sham?" "My husband... and my son." "Both." "Both, for God's sake." "My life is like the punch line to some stupid joke." "Oh, you looked such an idiot tonight, salivating over that young man you brought home for your son, slobbering over him." "I felt such pity for you." "I thought, has he got no dignity at all?" "." "It was nothing like that." "Watching you with him..." " Embarrassed by you." " Stop this." "You didn't realize what a moron you were making of yourself." "Enough!" "I said enough." "Good." "Enough." "You haven't told me about the best part." "You haven't told me about the drive here with Winston." "Well, on the way over, he never stopped talking about his girlfriend." "Oh!" "Was he handsome?" "Yes." "And straight as a die." "I'm going to switch the light off." "Do you want to stay?" "Yes." "Hello." "This is Philip." "I can't come to the phone right now." "Please leave a message." "Directory Enquiries." "What name, please?" "Er, the name's Bradley." "Robin Bradley." "I wish we'd done this sooner." "So do I." "I'll wait here." "What's the matter?" "Long story." "Let's talk inside." "Er..." "I'll clean up." "Change the sheets." "I'll sleep on the floor." "Dad, don't be ridiculous." "On the sofa." "I insist." "Dad?" " Are you feeling bad?" " A bit disorientated, that's all." "It's the first time in years I've spent a night away from your mother." "Do you want to tell me what happened?" "I'm a homosexual." "I'm a homosexual too." "Does it surprise you?" "I suppose like you, I've known all my life." "But when I was growing up, things were different." "I got married, I hoped." "I assumed it would go away, but it didn't." "It just got worse." "I always had this sensation that I was running a terrible risk." "Risking my life, my family, my career." "But I..." "I just couldn't help it." "No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop." "I..." "The more I thought about it... the more I thought about the possibility of loving another man." "And then you come home with this news all these years later and I think, "Well, I"..." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm talking far too much." "Is there anything I can do, any way I can help?" "You've already helped." "No, no." "Being here." "That's a help." "I met a man." "The other night." "I think I might see him again." "Did you tell Mum?" "Is that what happened?" "More or less." "She more or less knew already the night you came home." " How is she?" " Oh, you know, er..." "She'll need time." "Change isn't easy." "I know that." "Of course." "But there's no turning back." "Your mother and I will have to move on." "Somehow." "You will." "I'm sure you will." "Thanks, Philip." "Thanks."