"Oh, you finally make sense to me." "Yes, your mouth..." " I mean, really, look at it." " Mm." "It's so perfect." " I can feel every wrinkle." " Oh." " Yeah." " I should probably moisturize." "Oh, my God, does mom know?" "I don't know what mom knows and doesn't know." "I see you completely." "It's like I've never seen you before." " That hurts." " I'm sorry." " Alexandra..." " Yes." "Are you okay?" "I'm so good." "I am, like, the best I've ever been." "Daddy, oh, my God!" "What am I supposed to call you now?" "You need to work out a little more." "No wonder you're always with little, waif-y girls." "Jesus!" "I feel like I can control you." " Hey, hey!" " Huh?" "Look at me." "I am looking at you." "You're not gonna tell Ali, are you?" " No." " 'Cause she'd freak." "Oh, fuck." "Hey, can I borrow this?" " Yeah." " Thanks." "But seriously, no mentioning this to Ali, okay?" "Dude, you have to get off that." "I told you I wouldn't, and I won't." "'Cause she'd be fucking freaked out and disgusted." "I'm just gonna sort of store it away in my cabinet of Pfefferman family secrets." "You have a cabinet of Pfefferman family secrets?" " Yeah." " Let's hear it." "What you got?" "Um, there was the hole in the fence." "We both know how that got there." "Yeah, I know that one." "Anything I don't know?" "Okay, um..." "Ali used to sell your mom's valium in high school." " Really?" " Yeah." "How do you think we always had money to do stuff?" "That's fucking awesome." "And there's the woman that babysat you... that drove you around and took advantage of your sweet little teenage bod, and it was super lecherous." "Um, if by lecherous, you mean rad." "That's really gross." "You mean, um, every 15-year-old boy's wet dream?" " Yeah, Josh, whose wet dream?" " Mine." "I mean, what if you were the 15-year-old girl and it was a 25-year-old guy driving you around, who's fucking you?" "Doesn't that seem weird?" " Hey." " I'm leaving." "Wait." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Let's listen to dreamboat Annie." "Oh, you really don't want to be alone, do you?" "Try not to move so much." "Try not to move so much." "These clip-ins blend with your hair so beautifully." "Wait, wait, wait for it." "Look at that." "That's better, huh?" "Much more full." "Yes." "Oh, it's great." "I'm so glad to be rid of that wig, you know." "My scalp can breathe." "I felt like I was wearing a sheitel." "Now you look much more powerful, like a California earth mama." "Oh, not a silver vixen?" "Well, maybe a silverback." "Listen, can we just close up shop here a little bit?" "The knees... your male privilege is leaking all over the place." "And you... but you don't have to slouch." "Keep yourself up." "It's called femininity." "Yeah." "Move it." "Let me fix your walk." " Please, my knee." " I know your knee." "Walk without the complaining." "How about that?" " All right." " Forward." "Take a breath." "Try not to hold your breath quite so much." " All right." " Try to breathe and be in it." "All right, would you like me to breathe and be in it?" " Please?" " Find your center, huh?" " Oh, this is stupid." " Hello." " Hi." "May I help you?" "Yes." "Hi." "I'm, uh, Stephen Baker." "I have a reservation." "Okay." "Ah, Mr. Baker." "Could I get a credit card, please?" "Oh, I'll be..." "I'll pay in cash." "We just need a credit card on file in case there's any incidentals." "Oh, no, I'll pay in cash for that too." "If you don't use the mini bar or order any movies, nothing will appear on your bill." " Oh, okay." " I've got you covered, sir." "Well, then here we go." "Great." "Thank you." " Here's your key... room 813." " Um, right." "If you don't mind... um, if it's all the same to you, I could..." "Give me another key." " Of course." " Thank you." "No one has ever seen me but me." "No one's ever seen me except me." "Ta-da." "Oh, my God, you're beautiful." " Hello." " Oh, hello." "I'm Marcy." "Hi." "I'm Daphne Sparkles." "You hate it." " No, no, no, do not..." " Oh, you don't like it." "It's just... it's too... it's stripper-y." "I'm sorry." "But it's not right." "You need something... elegant." "You're Maura." "What's your name?" "My name is Marcy." "What is your name?" "My name is Maura." "Hey!" "Hey, babe, what happened?" "Did you tell Barb?" "Hey, how'd it go?" "How'd it go?" "How'd it go?" "Uh, it was good." "It was good." "It was good." "Cool." "So she's okay?" "She survived?" "Yeah, yeah, she's okay." "Yeah." "I mean, it didn't even... it didn't even come up this time." " What?" " Yeah, I'm just gonna wait until the next therapy, because, yeah, our shrink was a little late, which started the session out weird." "And then before I even had a chance to say anything," "Barb started talking about how her sister's lupus is affecting her." "Did I tell you that Barb's sister Joni has lupus?" "No." "Well, she does." "And, um, yeah, Barb was just like..." "Oh, my gosh, she was in such a state, and I just feel like, you know, the more Barb is okay with herself when I tell her, then the more..." "Come here." "Come here." "Come here, come here, come here, come here." "I am gonna tell her, okay?" "I am." "I'm gonna make this all happen, okay?" "You're just so fast." "You're like a..." "like a little..." "Hummingbird." "You know, you're like this little tiny hummingbird with..." "Big boobs." "I can't keep my hands off your tits." "God, what is wrong with me?" "See, this is what you do to me." " Hold on." " Holy shit." " What?" "My dad came out to Ali." "Oh, fuck." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God!" "You were fucking high when you saw him?" "I was, like, basically trying to make out with dad." "Oh, God!" "Oh, my God, his toenails were painted, but because his little toenail is so little and squished, she just painted the toe skin." "Oh, God... her, her toe skin." "So weird." " This is so weird." " No, it's insane." "It's totally insane." "Oh, my God, and I renamed him... her." "Her?" "Him?" "What do I call him... or her?" "I renamed him last night." "What do you mean?" "I started calling her..." ""Moppa."" " Moppa?" " Yeah, like momma and poppa." "Moppa." "That's actually really sweet." "It's not sweet!" "It's insanity!" " I have to pee." " Moppa!" "It's totally insane." " Moppa." " Wait a minute." " Does mom know?" " No, and don't tell her." " Do you want any of this coffee?" " Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Josh... does Josh know?" "No, and don't tell him either." " We have to tell him." " No, you can't tell them." "Outing a trans person, it's like an act of violence." "What?" "It's like stripping someone naked in the middle of the cafeteria and making them go eat by themselves." " Google it." " Jesus." "You Google it." "Wait a minute." "How long have you known about this?" "How did you find out about this?" "I was sneaking around dad's house, and he walked in on me dressed as a woman." "What do you mean you were sneaking around?" "Oh, my God, my head hurts so much." "Here, give me your feet." "I'll rub 'em." "I was, um..." "I was over there with Tammy." " With Tammy Cashman?" " Mm-hmm." "I called that." "I totally called that." "I know, I know, I know." "What were you doing with her... dirty, nasty things?" "Stop." "This is love, okay?" " Please." " No, seriously." "This is... this is... she, like, made me squirt." "What?" " You mean female ejaculation?" " Yeah." "That is not real." "It's totally real." "That is pee, Sarah." " It's not pee." " Come on." "Ali, it's a completely different part of the plumbing, and it smells completely differently." " It smells really good." " Ew!" "Seriously, it smells like..." "it smells like the..." "like..." "I don't know, like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride." "It's like..." "like brackish and clean." "It's, like, all over my van, seriously." "Wait a minute." "What about Len?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "I don't know." "I don't know." " Want me to get that?" "No." "No, no." "I'll just see who it is." "Guess who." " Moppa." "Moppa is calling." " No." "No, no, no." "Hey, dad, it's Sarah." "Yeah, I'm over..." "I'm over at her place." "I'm asleep." " Look out the window." " What?" "Okay." " There you are." " Oh, right." " Come on down." " Okay." "Okay." " Be right down." " What?" "Um, somebody made brunch plans." "Oh, fuck." "Oh, my God." " Look at his hair." " Hello." "Hi, dad." "That's beautiful." "Is that new?" " Oh, thanks." " No, this." " Oh, my jacket." " That's gorgeous." " Thank you." " Hello, lovely." " You look nice." " Thank you." " Hi, sweetie." " Hi." "She's a little under it." " We need some food in her." " Come on, hon." " How you doing?" " Good." "Um..." "I have to ask you some questions that might not be very pleasant." "Okay." "Did my parents know that we were... what we were doing?" "Of course they knew." " Okay." " Everybody knew." "They didn't fire you?" "No." "You were there." "So they were cool with what we were doing?" "Your parents are strange people, honey." " You know that." " Yeah." "They never tried to stop it?" "They talk to you about it?" "Did they discuss it with you?" "Why are you asking me these questions?" "I have a right to know the answers to these questions." "You don't get to talk to me that way." "I can't ask you questions?" "Can you not tell me?" " Please?" " Josh, we were in love, right?" "We were in love." "You... you just can't come in and just ask me questions like this, as if I'm a total stranger," " like you don't even..." " Shh." "Shh." "It's okay." "It's okay." "You always make things so much more complicated than they have to be." "* we do not know... *" "I'll see you, okay?" "Hey..." "That guy that you said would fix the air conditioner never came by." "Okay, Rita, I'll um..." "I'll call him again." "* where you go *" "* in the night * * through the door * * through the door that holds you *" "* the door that holds you * * out of the blue *" "You know, I am, uh, having reservations about that new apartment, because the laundry is coin-operated, and I'm just becoming this hoarder of loose change." "Dad, you shouldn't be doing your own laundry." "I'll send Sylvia over." "She can do it for you." "Hi." "How would you ladies like to be among the first people in L.A." "to sample the new plant-based skin care line by Canticle?" "No!" "This stuff is liquefied miracles." " No, no, I have to eat." " We're going to brunch." " At patio on the green?" " Yeah." "Hon, there's at least an hour wait over there." " No, I can't do an hour wait." " Just a minute." "Well, we're right over here." "Best to wait out the brunch rush with us." " Okay." " Are you thirsty?" " We have cucumber water." " She wants to do it." "Come on." "It's mint too." "Just so you know, like, now that you're gonna spend time in this world, do you..." "you need to know that the makeover is free, but they expect you to buy everything that they use, and each thing is, like, 100 bucks a thing." "I want one." "I do want one." " Really?" " Yeah." "This is good." " This is excellent." " Isn't it good?" "Do you mean to tell me that you've gone through your entire life without knowing where your t-zone is?" " Yes." " Huh." "You poor, deprived soul." "What are you putting on?" "This is a final..." "Okay." "Open." "Oh, my God." "I know." "Dewy-ass cheekbones." "It's like so dewy." " It looks amazing." " Als, look at my eyes." "It's called dewy." " I see them." " Okay, how's that?" "Yeah, just more of that stuff, um, the powder and the foundation." "How much is that foundation?" " The foundation is $150." " Yeah, can I have more of that?" "You sure you don't want to do some color?" "No, no color, I just..." "I..." "like this... what's that?" "This... this is just the new powder..." " Yeah, this too." " You want the powder." " Yeah." " Are you sure I can't do the eyebrows?" "I'm positive." " 'Cause I just..." " No!" "Please." " Thank you." "How many of those are you gonna take?" "Tammy's coming over tonight, and I just want her to see how hot I look." "You lesbians are weird." "The puffiness looks much better, darling." " Really?" " Yeah, the peptides" " in that serum don't mess around." " Oh..." "Didn't realize I was puffy." "Well, I should purchase the serum, don't you think?" "Yeah, fabulous." "One ounce or two?" "One." "She'll take one ounce." "Oh, yeah, one ounce." "I'd be remiss if I also didn't recommend the toner, otherwise the serum won't have anything to hold on to." "Well, all right, I should buy a great many of these products." "Um, I, too, would like to buy a great many of these products." "All right, who's in for blueberry pancakes?" " Oh, man." " Oh, thank God." "Oh, but, guys, I have to pee." "Oh, me too." "Oh, me too." "They were really pushing that cucumber water." " Is it down here?" " Yeah, this is the ladies'." "Okay, I think I'm..." "No, no, no, come on, it's okay." "Come on." "Come with me." "I don't really have to go that bad, so..." "I do." "All right, dad, if you have to go in front of me, that's fine, 'cause I don't have to go." " No, Ali has to go." " Did she just say quot;" "Dadquot;?" "Is that a man?" " Hey, mom." " What?" "Do you see that person over there with the gray hair?" " Hmm?" " I think it's a guy." " She just called him "Dad"." " Excuse me, are you a man?" "'Cause this is the ladies' restroom." "Yeah, we're aware what it is." "Thank you." " Sir..." " Thank you." "We're good." "Sir, can you hear me?" "Because this is the ladies' restroom, and clearly that is a man." "This is my father, and he's a woman." "And he has every right to be in this bathroom." "No, he does not." "And you know what?" "I'm calling security because there are young women in here" " that you are traumatizing." " Oh, really?" "You mean the little snickering bitches over there?" "They look really traumatized." "You don't talk to my children that way." "Oh, and you don't need to talk to my father like that." "Your father is a pervert." " You are a fucking cunt!" " All right, let's go." " Ali!" " Yes, you all need to go." " Dad, don't you need to go pee?" " No, I don't." "I'm fine." " You need to go." " Let's just go." "Have a nice day." "Are you okay?" "I will be." "God, why is he doing this now?" "Why?" "Why did he wait so long?" "Hi." "Can I return this, please?" "I don't want to say that ruins my day, but that ruins my day." "I'd love cash." "Thanks." " Oh, fuck!" " What?" "Tammy canceled on me." ""Sorry, babe, got to re-sched."" "So re-sched." "No, no, something's up." "Something is..." "I feel like... it's this weird feeling." "She's like..." "Fuck!" "What?" "Wait." "I got to get my money." "Fucker." "Boys!" "Boys!" "Turn the music down a little, please!" "Hello?" "Ah, shit!" "I need to take this call from a tenant." "Hello." "This is the manager." "Hello?" "Turn the noise down!" "Turn it the fuck down, you motherfuckers!" "There are other people in the fucking world!" "Turn it down, you faggots!" "Oh, Jesus Christ!" "And there's no smoking!" "You're not alone!" "Come on, walk with me." "Come on." "Jesus." "You're like a stalker, babe." "Don't call me a stalker." "I need you to tell Barb the truth." "I am telling her." "I'm telling her next week, okay?" " We need our therapist..." " No, you need to tell her now." "I fucking left my husband for you." " I never told you to do that." " What?" "You said that you wanted to spend" " the rest of your life with me." " What?" "When did I..." "You said, "I want to fuck you every day for the rest of my life."" " Do you not remember saying that?" " When we were fucking." "So?" "People say shit when they're fucking." "It doesn't mean that their entire life just changes." "I love you." "And I'm feeling so ready and open and honest right now." "But I am afraid that I am making this shit up in my head and that you are not coming with me." "And I feel like you are just gonna delay and delay and delay." "I have dumped out every fucking piece of my life, and I need you to tell her the truth." "Oh, my God." "Seriously?" "Fuck you, okay?" "You know what?" "Go, live your life." "Hey, come here, come here." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Come back here." "Listen, do..." "Do you love me?" "Yes." "Fuck." "Then tell her about me." "It's just bread." "The toaster broke." "Jesus." "You look like a fucking punk-rock broccoli." "I just needed a change." "Have you talked to dad?" "I've been meaning to." "Why?" "You should check in with him." "Yeah." "What's wrong with you?" "Is this about that girl you got pregnant?" "There is no more pregnancy." "It's just everything." "Are you okay?" "Sure." "Of course." "Hmm." "* if you must go * * then *" "* I won't grieve * * but just wait a lifetime * * before you leave * * mm-hmm *" " Mm-mm." " Yeah." "I'm gonna need you to dance with me." "* I won't tell you no *" " Oh." " * no, no * * just so that we can say we tried * * ah, ah, ah * * oh, baby * * tell me you love me *" " * for a million * * a million years *" "* then if it don't work out * * then if it don't work out *"