"Here he comes now!" " This one?" " Yes." " That's solid silver." " I know." "What do you want for it?" " I'll take its weight and a dollar more." " Weigh it up." "$14.60 plus a dollar is $15.60." " That includes the case?" " I'm not a charity." "Two bits more." " One bit is plenty." " All right." "I won't argue." "Give me the address of the man who hawked it." " Is he a friend of yours?" " Yes, only he's dead now." "It's so good to see you, Eben." "It's so good." " Now that it's all over." " I'm sorry I couldn't be there." " By the time I heard, it was too late." " It doesn't matter." "There was nobody there, but the children and me." " You'd think the Medical Society..." " They probably didn't know." "None of that matters now." "While he was still alive, we hoped he'd get justice." "I mean, for his sake." "You know how we felt about him." "Now it's only a question of how long it will take the world to accord him the honour he deserved during his life." "He ought to have a monument in every city, and a park called after him and a Morton Boulevard..." "That might be a little too much, Eben." "Maybe one hospital some day." "One hospital!" "Every hospital ought to be called after him." "This is what I came to bring you." "Eben, how very kind of you." "This was the last one." "He hated to part with it." ""To the benefactor of mankind with the gratitude of humanity."" "I'm sorry I stirred everything up." "I was just thinking how happy we were." "It was the only time he was really happy in his life." "He thought he was all through worrying about things, that he was happy with the farm." "You know, he won all the prizes one year." "Best Kept Farm, Most improvements, Best Sow." "$3 for his admirable geese." "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Daddy!" " Whoa!" " Daddy!" "Yeah!" " Daddy, letter!" " I wonder what this is." "I carried it all the way and then I tripped and then..." " I got it." " Washington DC." " That's where the President lives." " Washington, close to Delaware." "What is it, William?" "Listen to this. "Dr Warren and the staff of the Massachusetts General" ""addressed a memorial to Congress." ""Daniel Webster supported it and now they're going to vote me a $100,000 award."" "How wonderful, William." "At last." " I'll have to go to Washington right away." " How are you going to do it?" "Borrow on the place, I guess." "I did so want to hold onto this for the children's sake." "But you don't understand." "It's passed Congress." "It only has to be ratified by the Senate." "All our years of worry are behind us." "Everything I've ever promised you will be yours with love and gratitude for the patience you've displayed." " This is a memorial to the President..." " One at a time!" "One at a time!" " Will you come in, please?" " Is it Mr Pierce or Mr President Pierce?" " Just Mr President." " Oh." "This bill has passed both houses." "It requires only your signature." " This man's been waiting for years." " I can't sign this yet." "Don't look as if you lost your last friend, gentlemen." "As a man, I'm entirely for you." "As a lawyer, I must grant your opponent some merit." "As the president, I'm forced to lean over backwards" "The president must always conduct himself like cautious Charlie." "For that he was elected." "Now, I'm going to sign this amendment, of course, but first I want you to do one thing." "I want you to bring a suit against an army or navy surgeon for invading your patent." "He's bound to lose, establishing a precedent and these gentlemen will quit hollering." " Mr President..." " I won't wish you luck." "You won't need it." "You're a fine man, Doctor." "I'd rather be you than president any day." " Thank you, Mr President." " All right, I'll do it." "I hate to have it look as if I was trying to make the government pay to relieve wounded soldiers." "The government pays for the guns, don't it?" "Well, good day." "Good day." "...and abroad, expelled from the American Medical Association, disowned by his fellow dentists, burned in effigy by his fellow townsmen, this avaricious little dentist, this money-grubbing little opportunist, walks in shame, alone, unhailed." "Period." "Whatever the results of this trial, and we pray that Morton will lose hands down, let this be a lesson to the..." "How's this, sir?" "Not bad." "I think I'd make the fingers a little longer." "More claw-like, more vulturesque." "Yes, Mr Grayley." "Now, where was I?" "Oh, yes." "Let this be a lesson to the future Shylocks attempt to pray upon the misery of man!" "The discovery is not patentable." "This discovery is not patentable." "It is only where the explorer has gone beyond the domain of mere discovery and has laid hold of the new principal and connected it with a mechanical contrivance, by which it acts on the material world, that he can secure exclusive control of it under the patent law." "The patent is invalid, but its discov..." "How do you do?" "Is this bought by the government?" "Yes." "It's the same that we sell to the government, guaranteed in every respect." "Is this the same as Dr Morton's?" "This is an ether inhaler, guaranteed to work perfect, whether it's the same as Dr Whatshisname's, I don't know." "I would because I happen to be Dr Whatshisname and I invented these." "So you invented bottles." "People have been using them for a long time." "They'll be glad to know you've invented them at last." "Maybe you invented the wheel and the needle and thread." "You know what I'm talking about." "What's this hole for?" "To stick flowers in." "Look, I sell bottles." "People can keep schnapps in them, or maple syrup, or anything they want to for all I care." "You'll care when I get through with you." " Wait a minute." " Try and harangue me!" "Did you invent it, did you?" "What do you think you're..." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "You're going to get it, whether you want it, or not." "Rest for yourself and your family." "I can't afford it." "My practice has all gone to pieces." "I neglected it and now my assistants have gone and taken all the patients." "I got so wrapped up in that ether thing." "I'm so mad most of the time." "All these people saying I stole their ideas from them." " You know I discovered the use of ether?" " Of course I know it." "That's what killed him." "That trip to New York." "It was that last article of Dr Jackson's, calling him a charlatan, saying he'd stolen his discovery, bringing back all the misery of 20 years." "Reopening the wounds." "We got him into bed, but in the middle of the night, he got up and started sorting his papers to prove Jackson was a liar." "On the 15th, he seemed better." "It was very hot." "We went for a drive in Central Park." "He insisted on holding the reins himself, even though he said they were very heavy." "Suddenly, he pulled up the horses and got off to the ground and just looked into the darkness." "I said, "What is it, dear?" I said, "William, answer me."" "But he just smiled, as if suddenly he'd understood something at long last." "Then pitched forward on his face." "The papers spoke of him as the man who claimed to have discovered the use of ether." "They dug up the whole nasty business." "That Dr Jackson had told him how to do it." "That he, Jackson, had known about it for years." "Can you imagine anyone keeping a secret like that?" "And then poor Horace Wells claim that he did it first." "And Dr Crawford Longs claimed that he had done it four years before." "Maybe they all did do it first." "Maybe they all did discover the use of ether." "I guess they did all right." "Why should they lie about it?" "But it seems so cruel to have let people go on suffering so long after they knew how to stop it." "All I know is that three months after my husband discovered anaesthesia, the whole world was using it." " Supper's ready, Momma." " All right, dear." "Come along, Eben." "Won't you have another piece of pie, Eben?" "Oh, I er..." "No, thank you." "You're going to make some man very happy some day." "Thank you, Mr Frost." "My, how your father loved pie." " I really think that's why he married me." " Oh, Momma." "He ate so much, my mother wanted to throw him straight out of the house." "Oh, dear, I do declare." "I do declare, Lizzie." "I'm going to have to ask that young Mr Morton to leave." "He pays his board regularly, but he's eating us out of house and home." "Tonight he had three plates of soup and 12 slices of bread, four helpings of roast beef, six potatoes, almost a whole bunch of sparrowgrass, a hatful of beans, peas and beets and three wedges of pie." "Now, I can't do that on $3 a week." "Mrs Bidden charges $4 a week..." "Why, Lizzie." "Honey, child." "I had no idea you were fond of him." "You know I don't mean half the things I say." "I wouldn't ask him to leave if he ate twice as much, heaven forbid." " If you didn't want me to." " He's leaving anyway." "Why?" "Now, don't tell me I indicated by so much as the slightest look or glance..." "He hasn't got any money." "He can't be a medical student any more." "Aw, the poor lamb." "Well, there are plenty of other businesses." "Maybe he'd do well in the meat business." "He seems to like it." "He's going to be a dentist." "Oh..." "And he seemed such a nice young man." "You may not like the idea, but you're going to have a dentist in the family." "A dentist?" "I'm certainly going to miss you, Miss Lizzie." "I'm certainly going to miss you, Mr Morton." "It's not going to be very cheerful in Boston." "It's not going to be very cheerful here." "Do you really mean that, Miss Lizzie?" "Mm-hm." " Now, don't do that." " I can't help it." "Miss Lizzie, if I thought you'd wait for me, I'd work so hard that in almost no time at all," "I venture to say I'd be in a position to support... not in luxury maybe, but to support a family of reasonable size." "Oh, William!" "I know you're going to be rich and famous and I'm going to be so proud of you." "Father won't be able to talk against dentists any more." "We'll have a big house." "While you're at the office," "I'll be at home taking care of my end of things." " Elegant around here, isn't it?" " Oh, but this is so beautiful." " Why don't you try it?" " With pleasure." "Oh, it's deliciously comfortable." "One would be reluctant to leave it." "I hope the patients feel that way about it." "Now, just lean back." "Oh!" "Little ducky, see?" " Open your mouth." " Uh-uh." "Will you open your mouth?" "Don't be a child." " Argh!" " Are you trying to ruin my business?" " Are you trying to ruin me?" " I've put bigger holes in smiling children." " Must have been half-wits." " Open up." "No!" "Open your mouth and keep your trap shut." "Show a little courage." "This won't hurt a bit." "Aow!" "If I could lie like you, I'd take up fortune telling." " Now, open your mouth." " Argh!" "Argh!" "Don't be in a hurry." "I'll be with you in a moment." "Uh-uh-uh." "Now, you sit down." " I'll be with you in a moment." " All right." "Now..." "Aren't you going to have another piece of pie?" " Oh, no thank you, Lizzie." " Are you sick?" " What?" " What are you frowning about?" "Dental profession." "Aw, I'm sorry, dear." "It can't be helped, but they yell so, Lizzie." "It's bloodcurdling." "It gets on your nerves." "You can't put in a nice inlay with them screaming bloody murder in your face, or trying to bite you." "It's impossible, unless you're deaf, or a demon, or somebody that likes to see people suffer." "Why don't you try stuffing up your ears?" "There ought to be some way to..." "Like your leg goes to sleep sometimes when you're resting your elbow on it." "It would be pretty hard to put your head to sleep." "There ought to be a way to desensitise the nerve..." "Didn't Dr Jackson say something about that one night after supper?" " I don't remember, dear." " Somebody had toothache..." "It was Horace Wells." "His face was swollen..." "Jackson said the only way to desensitise a nerve was... what?" " I don't remember." " Some kind of drops." " It was supposed to help." " Why don't you ask him?" "Because I despise him so, the sarcastic old blowhard." "Better than hearing people yell." "I don't think it worked." "Horace said..." "You're not sure." "You might try to find something for that, too." " Is Professor Jackson in?" " Sorry, sir." "He's not at home." "Thanks." "But you might try Costello's, sir." "Oh, thanks." " Oh, good evening, Professor Jackson..." " Why don't you look what you're doing?" "Do you remember what you used on Horace Wells, the night he had toothache?" " Do I know you?" " Yes, WTG Morton." "I was a student of yours at Harvard Medical." "His face was swollen..." "Oh, yes, Morton." "As I remember, you were a dull student." "You didn't keep us in stitches either." "I suppose you're a successful physician." " I didn't have enough money to finish." " You shouldn't have gone in for medicine." "The problem with our profession is the number of youths, without friends or background, who try to worm their way into it for the rich rewards they imagine it holds." "I'm glad to see the years haven't changed you." " How are you getting along?" " Pretty well." "Rum punch." "It could be better." "If there was only some way to deaden the pain." "They get in your chair and they start to yell and then..." " You say your chair." "Are you a barber now?" " No, a dentist." " Oh." "You say your patients yell?" " They certainly do." "The remedy is simple, known since the 15th century." "They still do it at county fairs." "You provide a small orchestra and when your patient screeches, you out-screech him." "I suppose you think that's very funny." " Your sense of humour hasn't improved." " Neither have your jokes." "I thought that was pretty good." "Oh, well." "Have you tried oil of cloves?" "I've tried oil of cloves." "and camphor and peppermint." " I've tried whisky, brandy and gin." " None of those are any good." "There's only one way to desensitise a nerve, that's to freeze it." " You might fill your patients full of ice." " What with?" "How do I know?" "A funnel?" "I thought you were serious." "There is another way of producing cold." "That's by evaporation." "You might try something with a low boiling point." "I didn't come here to deliver a lecture on chemistry." " Bartender, get me a drink." " Let me buy you one." "Well, unaccustomed as I am to imbibing with dentists..." "What has a low boiling point?" "Oh, one of the ethers, I suppose." "You might get yourself some ethyl chloride drops." "Er..." "That's all the shop I want to talk." "I think that's it." "What's ethyl chloride?" "What's ethyl chloride?" "He goes to school with me for years and now he doesn't know what ethyl chloride is." "Morton, you are living proof that plough boys belong behind the horse." " Well, what is it?" " What's what?" "Ethyl chloride." "C2 H5 CI... known to corn doctors as chloric ether." "Where can I get some?" "You might try a feed store." "If you can't get it there, then you might try Burnett's Pharmacy." " My pupil." " Here's to you, Professor." "The same to you, Doctor." "My pupil." "Oh, my." "That's it." "Put it in." "Hold it." " Yes?" " I want to get some ether, please." " Do you have to have it tonight?" " I'd like to." "Oh, well." "Hold it there, Charlie." " Do you want chloric or sulphuric?" " What?" "C2 H5 CI or C2 H5 OC2 H5?" " Now, just a minute." " For corns or asthma?" " Come in in the morning." " A bottle of each." " An ounce?" " A pint." "Hold it, Charlie." "Hello, Nig." "Is that you, William?" "Yes, dear." "I'll be up in a little while." "All right, dear." "William?" "William!" "William!" "Oh, you're drunk." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself." "Lizzie." "I had two drinks." "Two small drinks." "No more, no less." "You won't make it better by lying." "You reek of cheap liquor." "Get up." "I'll help." "Who asked for any help." "What's the matter?" "You crazy?" " Get up!" " Why should I get up?" " I'm not down any place." " What are you doing on the floor?" "Who's on the floor?" "Where's the floor?" " Get up!" " That's funny." "Lizzie, I tell you, I've not been drinking." "I had two small drinks." "Why should I lie?" "If I'd had three drinks or four drinks, or even five drinks." "I'd just as soon..." "I don't know, but I tell you, I was not drunk." "Tell me something." "Was I drunk when I came in here last night?" "The young man who wanted ether?" "Would you say that I was drunk at the time?" " Not particularly." " What do you mean?" "I had two drinks with Professor Jackson down at Costello's." "I came in here cold sober, went home and at midnight, my wife found me on the floor." "Your liver must be torpid." "The poisons are normally dissipated through the liver." "When this organ becomes congested, I have here..." "I happen to have been a medical student." "Now I'm a practising dental surgeon." "My liver works fine and if anybody was drunk in here last night, it wasn't me." "There are two things possible." "Either I had a stroke, which I don't appear to have had, or somehow that bottle of ether that I found empty..." " Which one was it?" " Sulphuric, I think." "Well, there's your answer." "The fumes of sulphuric ether are extremely noxious." "We keep it tightly sealed." "I'm always telling my assistant." "If I've told him once, I've told him a thousand times, "Charlie..."" "That solves that mystery." "Although I don't suppose my wife will ever believe it." "Thanks." " Do you want another bottle?" " I should say not." "Wait a minute." " Give me another bottle of it." " Yes, sir." "Well, at last." "Horace Wells, how are you?" "What are you doing in Boston?" " I just got in from Hartford." " Come in." " I've something very interesting to tell you." " What is it?" "Remember we used to try to figure how to pull a tooth without pain?" " I'm still trying." " Forget it." "That's what I came to tell you." "I've made the most important discovery in the world." "I can extract teeth, or fill them, or do anything I like with them without any pain." " No." " That's what I'm here for." "I'm giving a demonstration at Harvard at 10:30." " I want you to act as my assistant." " That's wonderful." "How do you do it or is that a secret?" "I wish it were my secret, but the stuff is so well-known." "I'll just have to be the father of painless dentistry." " What is it?" " Nitrous oxide." "Laughing gas." "Laughing gas?" "Like they use at the county fair?" " For the entertainment of yokels." " For heaven's sake." "That's where I got the idea." "I saw this lout making a fool of himself and laughing his head off and he had a gash that long and kept falling off the platform." "He never even knew it." "He hadn't felt it." "But how can you work on them when they're laughing." "I give them a little more and they fall asleep." "They must be half-asphyxiated." "That can't be healthy." "Last night..." " I'm careful." " How often have you done it?" " Four times." " You're not ready for any demonstration." " What if it didn't work?" " It has to." "I'm not waiting till somebody does this first." "If you don't want to help me, I'll get someone else." "I'll help you if we go by Dr Jackson's first and he says it isn't dangerous." "He doesn't know any more about it than I do." " Poppycock!" " What do you mean?" "I've done it." "You'll endanger the lives of the fools who trust you." "You can render a man unconscious, by asphyxiating him, or drowning him, or hitting him on the head!" "That's no discovery." "Henry Hill Hickman went all through that." "Priestley found laughing gas and Humphrey Davy tried that stuff 50 years ago." "Faraday experimented with everything he could lay his hands on." "In the end, all these men abandoned the idea." "Do you expect to succeed where the greatest scientists in the world have failed?" " Discoveries are still being made." " Not by half-educated school boys." "You'd better give up this nonsense, before it kills somebody." "That goes for you, too, Morton." "Go back to your tooth yanking." "Leave science to the scientists." "Thanks." "Nevertheless, at 10:30 this morning, at Harvard Medical School," "I will pull a tooth totally without pain by use of the Wells Method." "The Wells Method!" "The half-asphyxiated method." "And now, young gentlemen, we are to assist in a very interesting experiment." "Dr Horace Wells of Hartford Connecticut and his assistant are about to demonstrate the Wells Method of painless extraction." "Your fellow student, Homer Quimby, has volunteered to be the subject." " Are we nearly ready?" " Yes, sir." " That'll be enough." " If you'll kindly step up here, Homer." "Yes, Dr Warren." "Don't let them give you too much of it." "No, sir, Professor Jackson." "Sit right here, Homer." "This isn't going to hurt you a bit, Homer." " Just sit back." " Don't give me too much of that stuff." "Don't you worry about that." "Now I think we're just about ready." "Now, open your mouth, please." " Now, breathe deeply." " Keep on breathing, Homer." "Keep on breathing." "Again." "Once more." "It's all very funny, but it may kill him." "Behave yourself, Homer." "Homer, behave yourself." "Now, open your mouth and breathe deeply." "Are you trying to kill that boy?" " I know what I'm doing." " Maybe he's had enough." "Well... all right." "Hold his head, please." " Argh!" " Homer!" "Homer!" "Stop it, I say!" "It's gone everywhere!" "Quiet, please!" "Quiet!" "Stop that!" "I know every one of you!" "That's because he didn't get enough." "I wanted to give him more." "This is the world's greatest discovery." "I'm the father of painless dentistry." "I can extract teeth or do anything..." "Take it easy." "Maybe, but you've still got to experiment." "You've got to try it out little by little." "I tell you, I've done it four times without a failure!" "All right, I'll mix up some of this stuff." "Go and get me a cat or a dog or a horse." "I'll show you!" " I'll get you a rabbit." " You'll learn something." "I'll be very glad to, Horace." "Believe me." "Is anybody in?" "I'm in terrible pain, dearie." "Some faker broke my tooth and they couldn't yank it." "Could you do anything for me, dearie?" "Come in." "I suppose it'll hurt something terrible." "It isn't going to hurt a bit." "Come in." "There, no pain whatsoever." "The tooth's gone." "She didn't move a muscle." " You shouldn't have done that." " What are you talking about?" " She's a mighty funny colour." " That doesn't mean anything." " She'll be all right." " How long has she been unconscious?" " I didn't notice the time..." " Shut up." "Get a doctor." "There's one at the end of the hall." "Get some smelling salts and brandy!" "She's either dead or close to it." "Come on, girl." " Give me the drops of strychnine." " Yes, Doctor." "Oh, be careful, you dumb dentist." " The salts again." " Yes, Doctor." " How is she?" " I don't know yet." "If she lives, I'll never experiment with human life again." "So help me, God." " If she doesn't live..." " You won't have a chance to..." "I'll put you both in prison." "The idea of a couple of half-baked dentists..." "Just a minute." "That's wonderful, dearie." "I never felt a thing." "Didn't take a second, did it?" "Hello, Nig." "Nitrous oxide..." "Nig." "Hello, Nig, old man." "Come here, Nig, old man." "Come here, Nig, old boy." "Come on, old boy." "We're not afraid of a little experiment." "Come here, Nig." "Come here, Nig, old boy." "Come here." "Come here, Nig." "Come on." "Here, Nig." "Here, Nig." "Come on, old boy." "Come on, Nig, old boy." "I'm not going to hurt you, old man." "Come on, Nig, old man." "I'm not going to hurt you." "Come on, Nig." "Come on, old boy." "That's a good old man." "Come on, Nig." "I won't hurt you." "Ah, there you are." "All right, old man." "Come on, Nig, old boy." "Come on." "Come on, Nig!" "Come on, old boy." "Come on." "William!" "Drunk again, I suppose." "Who's drunk?" "Lizzie, for heaven's sake, what's the matter?" "What's the matter with you?" "You stay away and don't even send word." "It was the baby's birthday and you don't remember." "Now I find you grovelling..." "I've had enough irritations without any more from you when I come home tired." " I just want to catch that blasted dog." " What are you doing with that dog?" "I'll protect you, Nig." "William Thomas Green Morton, if you harm a hair of this dog's head, this is my dog, I'll go straight home to Mother." " Is that a promise?" " Oh!" "You brute!" "Talking that way to the mother of your children!" "You may regret this night William Thomas Green Morton." "He can't talk that way to us, Nig." "Talking that way to the mother of his children." "I'll protect you." "I'll protect you." "We'll go home to mother." "And we'll take the babies." "And we'll take you." "And we'll take the furniture." "Because, after all, Daddy gave it to me, anyway." "William!" "William!" "All I can say is..." "William?" " Oh!" " Never felt anything." "Went through by itself while I was asleep." "Take a good look at that, Lizzie." "That's the first painless..." "The first absolutely painless..." "Darling?" " How's that?" " Fine, but underline that word double." "All right, Doctor." "Good." " You didn't go to Burnett's?" " No, I went to Washington Street." " You didn't mention my name?" " No, dear." " What's that?" " A new sign." ""Painless extractions or double your money back."" "Let me do it." "We buy it at different places until I get my patent." "It's bound to cause a lot of talk." "Dentists will try to find out what I'm using." " What will you tell them?" " I got a good name." "You heard of the River Lethe in mythology?" " I never even heard of mythology." " It was the stream of oblivion that banished all earthly sorrows." "Letheon." " You're sure it will work?" " Of course it'll work." "I've tried it on myself many times and on the goldfish and on the cat." " Not on Nig?" " If I'd caught him..." " We'll be rich." " How can we help it?" "I've got dentistry by the nose." "I've applied for a patent." "They get a licence, or go out of business." "I can do things in dentistry never done before." "For instance, the lute." "There's a way of crowning teeth with a lute that's wonderful." "But it's so painful, nobody's able to stand it." "I can use the lute and consider impactions, the horror..." " William?" " Huh?" "Oh." "Come right in, sir." "You guarantee twice the money back if I feel anything?" "I do, sir." "Step right in." "I'll take $10 of that bet." "You'll never regret it." "Have a seat." " What's this thing?" " That is the Letheon, my friend." " That kills the pain." " I don't like the smell of it." "Nevertheless, you'll be grateful for it." "Now the hat and, if you don't mind..." " That's a delicate violin." " I'll take the best care of it." " Double my money back if I feel anything?" " Guaranteed." "Now the towel." "Now..." "let's have a look at the tooth." "Please." "Ah?" " Argh!" " That's it." " A few moments and it'll be just a memory." " Double my money if I feel anything?" "Put this in your mouth and inhale deeply for a few moments." " What happens then?" " You will sink into a gentle slumber, from which you will wake without pain and without the tooth." " On the level?" " It's an invention of my own." "You hold that, please." "Put that into your mouth." "Inhale deeply." "No, no, not at me." "Just suck it in." "Now..." "Now... again." "Now, don't you feel a little bit drowsy?" " No." " Well, then, again." " Double my money back?" " Double your money back." "Now, don't you begin to feel a little..." "Here they come, boys!" "Here they come!" "They're coming in the window!" "Ready, aim, fire!" "Oh, you would, huh?" "Here they come!" "Here they come!" "Oh, there you are, General." "I've been looking for you all over." "You don't have to look any further!" "Charge!" "Do you think maybe he was crazy?" "He didn't seem crazy when he came in." "Maybe it affects people in different ways." "Are you sure you got sulphuric ether?" "Of course I did, dear." "Here's the bill." "Well, if you're all through." "When you told me to try ether, I got a bottle of sulphuric..." "I said chloric ether." "You fool around with sulphuric ether and you'll blow the head off." " I can put myself to sleep with it." " How did you do it?" "By inhaling it." "I wanted to see if I could extract teeth with it." "I'm sure I can." "It's just around the corner, but I'm stuck." "Something went wrong." "I want you to help me out and I'll pay you." "My regular fee is $500." "Well, I haven't got $500, but I'll tell you what I'm prepared to do." "A 10% interest in my patent, if it's worth anything." " What are you patenting?" " The use of Letheon." "That's what I'm calling it so that people won't find out the secret." ""I assign to Dr Charles T Jackson one tenth of my interest in this discovery" ""for his assistance in its perfection."" "If I make $500 on this, I'll die of a syncope." "Now, what is this deep problem?" "Well, the ether's been working perfectly ever since I started, then this morning I gave some to a patient and he jumped out the window." "There goes my $500." " Have you a sample of your ether?" " Yes, sir." " Where did you get this?" " Brewer, Stevens and Cushing." "The trouble with you is you can't remember anything." "I told you to go to Burnett's." "That's the only place you can get highly-rectified ether." "Highly-rectified." "Paste that in your hat." " This is cleaning fluid." " You mean that was the trouble?" "That was the problem, Professor." "Thank you, Doctor." "You'll be a rich man for this." "You wouldn't care to settle for $50 cash, would you?" "Thank you just the same, Doctor." " Are you sure you got the right one?" " Sure as anyone can be sure of anything." "Hey." "Well, well, I'm glad to see you." "I'm not glad to see you." "I'll have my coat and fiddle and no horsing around." " Won't you let me explain?" " Just give me my instrument." " Won't you let me have it repaired?" " What are you talking about?" " Come in." "Let's talk about it." " You know where I've been for hours?" "In the jug, charged with drunkenness." "Me who's never touched anything strong." "Now, get me my fiddle and don't try any pranks." " How's the tooth?" " I'll take care of it." " Will you listen to me?" " No." "All right." "There's your fiddle." "What did you do to that violin?" "I'm going to have you arrested and put..." "You keep away from me." "I'm going to have you put in jail." "I want you to smell it to convince you." "I gave you the wrong mixture." " Try it on someone else." " Just smell it to be sure it isn't the same." " Remember what it smelled like?" " I'll remember it till the day I die." " Did it smell like that?" " Exactly." "It must be drying off." "There's no similarity at all." "Smell it now." " It smells the same." " How can you say that?" " Don't you notice the peaches?" " Peaches?" " Yes!" "Peaches." "Can't you smell that?" " What are you doing?" "Peaches..." " Where do you get the smell of peaches?" " It'll evaporate in no time." "Peaches?" "I don't notice any peaches." "It smells more like uh..." "Like uh..." " Why don't you sit down?" " Don't you start anything." "No, no, no." "There you go." " Don't you start anything." " You're the most suspicious man." "If you think I care anything about your tooth, you're crazy." "Does this smell like peaches or pears?" "Give me your answer like a man." "Pears." "No, peaches." "There you are." "There you are." "As easy as falling off the roof." "I could have sawed his leg off without his feeling it." " Lizzie." " What is it, dear?" "If I could make this sleep last, say ten or 15 minutes..." "Oh, no, that's too much to hope for." "No, it isn't." "I tell you I can do it." " You mean fill teeth?" " Nothing to do with teeth." "I got it... insurance." "Hey!" "I can." "I'm sure I can." "Tell the doctor to hurry and dress for dinner." "He's late." "The doctor sends his apologies, madam, and to the guests, but regrets he will not be home for dinner." " But he just came in." " He sent word through the coachman." " Thank you, Roberts." " very good." "How do you feel now?" "I feel terrible." "And you know something else?" "You know how long you were under this time?" "I really don't care." "19 minutes and I jabbed you every 15 seconds with this." "Ouch." "I'm getting to feel like a pin cushions." "Come on." "We'll go and see him now and get a bite to eat on the way." "There you are." "So there you are." "You've been dodging me as long as you're going to." " Who are you?" " Get me a cab." "I'll join you in a moment." " What is it?" " You've swindled me." "Be a little more careful with your verbs." "I'll use any verbs I like, and adverbs and adjectives." " You made me accept 10% of Letheon..." " You wanted $500." "You'll get much more." " Why complain?" " You didn't reveal its possibilities." "You pretended to be a poor dentist and I suggested ether..." "You suggested chloric ether drops." "Didn't work." "Maybe I did, but that's what gave you the idea." " Did it give you the idea?" " I knew about sulphuric ether for years." "You are profiting by my discovery." "You're a little bit cracked in the head." "You did not discover ether narcosis." "I did." "Is there anything else?" "I'll have 25% of that patent or, by Joseph, I'll..." "Take it up with Joseph." "As far as I'm concerned, you're getting more than you deserve." "I could have gone to any chemist to find out what I wanted to know, but I came to you." " That is your ultimatum?" " If that means what I think, it is." " Very well, sir." "We'll see." " We certainly shall." "This could go on all night." "I'm going to Massachusetts General to ask Professor Warren to try Letheon." "Want to come?" "You mean in a surgical case?" "There's a difference between an operation and yanking a tooth." "You'll kill somebody with this murderous nonsense, as sure as my name is Jackson." "I take it you don't want to come along?" "If you even mention my name as co-discoverer..." "Make up your mind." "Are you in or out or on the fence?" " You'll find out, young man." "You'll see." " All right." "I'll see." "But Professor Warren is performing an emergency operation." " I'll wait." " You don't understand." "After an operation, a surgeon is completely exhausted." " All the more reason." " Dr Martin..." " Morton." " As Professor Warren's assistant, part of my duty is to shield him from the many well-meaning, I won't say cranks, let me say amateur inventors, who come here every day with every kind of gimcrack" "for every purpose imaginable." "Yesterday..." "My method's being used by my assistants on hundreds of people all day long." "In dentistry, but what has dentistry to do with medicine?" " Here's the living proof." " I was in excruciating pain..." "You told me about that when you first came in." "If you will write to Professor Warren, you will probably receive an answer." " Thank you." " You're welcome." " I was in excruciating..." " Very interesting." "Yes." "Not that one." "The big one." "There." "How do you feel, old man?" "This part's the bad part." "I'll do it as fast as I can." "Wedge." "Try biting on this." "It helps a little sometimes." " Will you finish up for me?" " Certainly, Professor Warren." "Hey." "This is no time to act like a woman." " What's all this?" " I guess it was the sound of the..." " Oh, Professor Warren." " Stretch him out." "Let blood get to his head." "I'm so sorry." "I tried to keep these people away, but they've attracted your attention." " Get some smelling salts." " I beg your pardon." "Smelling salts, ammonium carbonate." "Professor Warren, I've been waiting to see you." "Never again will you have to go through what you've just gone through." "As God is my judge, I swear you can operate without pain." "I do it every day." "Any length of time you want." " Tonight I had this man out for 19 minutes." " He's still out." " That was..." " What's your name?" "WTG Morton, the dentist." "Didn't you take part in that fiasco at the Harvard Medical School?" " I did." " Are you proposing I use the same remedy?" "I'm proposing something entirely different." "It's been tested and proved." "It cannot fail." " I'm sorry." "They were using it on the patient." " Hold his head up." "Be here Friday at ten o'clock and bring your bag of tricks." " You mean you'll try it?" " I'll try it on my first operation." "I don't know how to thank you, Professor." "You don't have to thank me, because I don't think it's going to work, but some day, somebody's going to find something." "That must come." "Now, sit him up." "That's better, old man." "And when that somebody comes along, I want to be there to open the door for him." "It was the night of September 30th, I was in excruciating pain..." "So were a lot of other people." "Everybody kept asking where you were." "Mrs Burrows said, "I know exactly how it feels."" "Everybody knows her husband is the biggest soak in Boston." "I never had such an evening." "I couldn't understand what French consul said and the Mayor's wife looked at the silver as if it was stolen and then the sherbet came in ahead of the fish." "It must have been terrible." "For the finale, you came in, looking as if you'd been rolling in the gutter." "I guess it was kind of dusty at the hospital." "They're going to try it out Friday morning." "Try out what?" "Oh, I'm sorry, dear." "Just think, Lizzie, it won't hurt any more." "Surgeons will be able to take their time and be able to do things that have been impossible." "People will choose operations willingly instead of waiting too late." "But suppose it doesn't work, William, and people hear about it." " Won't it hurt your business?" " It will work." "Anyway, that's the risk you have to take." "But why must you take that risk?" "You've made a wonderful success." "You've helped so many people already." "Why endanger that?" "Did you ever see an amputation?" "Something special today?" "The old man's going to try another painless operation." " Give you 2-1 for four bits." " I'll give you 3-1." " Who asked you?" " I'll give you 10-1." " Who said that?" " I did and I'll take all you've got." "What do you know!" "Hurry it up." "You promised it at eight." "It's ten after nine." " Hold your horses." " It's only nine after." "Fill that." "I'll meet you in a minute" " Just a moment." " Not now." "I'm just going..." " This is a matter of great importance." " What is it?" "What is it?" "About those lutes, do I crimp the crown or bind it entirely with the lute?" " About the additional offices." " Don't bother me with things like that." "I've got something else on my mind." " What did he say?" " He didn't." "Everything ready?" "We've got 30 minutes." " 31." " Inhaler's in here." " Half full." " Is it tightly stoppered?" " Certainly." " I'd better take a look." "I tell you it..." "Beautiful." "Now you can wrap it up again." "What is it now?" "There's a Dr Horace Wells to see you." "He says..." "I wrote to him, but not now." "Tell him anything you like." "Yes, sir." "I'm very sorry, Dr Wells." "Oh, hello, Horace." "I'm glad to see you." "I want you to do some field work for me." "You can make a lot of money." "Come back tomorrow." " I was here yesterday." " You were?" "I'm sorry, but I've been busy." "I came as a patient." "I wanted some work done and I asked for the Morton Method." " What about it?" " You stole it, lock, stock and barrel." " You're just using it differently." " I'm using something different." " I'm sorry you feel this way." " You'll be sorrier still." "I'll never be sorrier than I am at this moment, Horace." "All right, let's get out of here." "Why you dumb..." "Look out." "Well, it can't be helped now." "We'll use one of the regular ones." " Still got 27 minutes left." " 28." "Do you understand the risks involved in this experiment, Mr Abbot?" " And you give your full consent?" " I do." "Thank you." " Morning." " The patient is ready." " He fully consents to the new experiment." " Is Dr Morton here?" " He doesn't seem to be, does he?" " We'll give him a few minutes." " Count the instruments." " I beg your pardon?" "Count the instruments." "Personally, I'm just as glad." "I don't care to see medicine invaded by dental practice." "I echo your sentiments with enthusiasm." "There are 117 instruments, Professor Warren, the same amount we brought in." "Strap the patient down." "We were gathered here today for you to witness, I to perform, an experiment, in which I had, if not confidence, at least a grain of hope." "We were to try a method advocated by a young dentist of this city, Dr Morton." "It seems that Dr Morton is otherwise engaged." "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" " It's just one minute past." " No, it isn't." "It's..." "Don't say it or I'll strangle you." "Quiet!" "Shush!" "This is not a minstrelsy, gentlemen." "I doubt that the patient is enjoying your laughter." "I'll work as fast as I can, Mr Abbot." "The less you move, or jerk, or scream, the better it will be for us both." "I'm going to hurt you considerably." "If I can offer you any consolation, it is that pain carries no memory." "You will forget it." "Hurry up!" "Hold his head, John." " Thank you." "All right, John." " Yes, sir." "Wait!" "This operation seems to be accompanied by an unusual amount of levity." "Not that I exactly blame you." "Not now, gentlemen, please." "Well, sir, your patient is ready." "Thank you, sir." "So am I." " Don't be afraid." " You don't have a thing to worry about." "It was the night of September 30th." "I was in excruciating pain..." "I ain't afraid." "Just breathe in deeply." "That's right." "Keep on breathing." " Time." " Dr Warren, your patient is ready." "Thank you." " Will he feel this?" " He won't feel anything." " Should we hold his head?" " That will not be necessary." "Thank you." "Pinch it." "Now sponge." "Now the next one." "Can you hear me, Abbot?" " Yes, sir." " Did you feel any pain?" " Huh?" " I said did you feel any pain?" " When?" " When?" "Gentlemen, this is no humbug!" " Very pretty." " Very pretty indeed." "But I think Professor Warren has forgotten a rule of the Medical Society." " Of course." " That we should remind him of." "I'm proud of you, too, William." "More than you'll ever know." "If I haven't always appreciated what you're doing, it's only because I didn't understand." " I hope you'll forgive me." " There's nothing to forgive." "I'm the one who needs forgiveness." "It can't have been fun having a husband who reeks of chemicals, works all night and never comes home, forgets dinner parties and birthdays." "As if any of that mattered." "Thank you, Lizzie." "Anyway, it's all over now." "They've got their painless operations and I can get back to work." "The first thing you need is a good night's sleep." "I think that's a very noble thought." " What's it matter so long as it works?" " It matters very much." "The principle is basic." "Permit this one exception and our doors are open to every form of quackery." " When we took our Hippocratic Oath..." " My dear sir, Dr Morton is a dentist." "He is not bound by the Hippocratic Oath." "He doesn't have to share his discovery." "Dentists have secrets and they don't share them." "They're not obligated to." "Nor are we obligated to use them." "He wants our endorsement to make money." "He's received free advertising on the pages of every newspaper, where no dentist has been before and now he wants more limelight." "More notoriety to further the sale of his patent remedy." "It's called an interview." "The fat one's from the New York Herald." " Are you amputing the right or left leg?" " The right, above the knee." "Do you use the same Letheon in your office?" " There is only one Letheon." " Do you anticipate any pain?" "Where there is Letheon, there can be no pain." " Do you expect a distinguished audience?" " Everybody will be there." "Are you the co-discoverer?" "Mr Frost's contribution was invaluable." "The first patient on whom I operated." "He's offered himself since for countless experiments." "It was the night of September 30th." "I was in excruciating pain..." "I really have to go." "Thank you, gentlemen." "Madam." "Remarkable." "Good day." "Good day, gentlemen." " No, it's mine." "I merely allow him to use it." " But the papers..." "You don't believe what you read in the papers." "Quiet, please." "He came to me of his own free will." "He ran the risk of ridicule." "Don't you think the odds are worth it?" "From the pinnacle of your generosity, from the loftiness of your own viewpoint, you're apt to overlook the meanness of these little people?" "You mean you intend to ignore the protests of your colleagues?" "You know very well that I can't." "I only wish I could." " You want me to ask him what it is?" " That's all." "Nothing more." " Not any more." " And if he won't tell us?" "We shall have to operate in the old-fashioned way." "People have been operated on for centuries without assistance from dentistry." "Dr Morton is here, Professor Warren." " Ask him to come in here." " By all means." "Will you step in, Dr Morton?" "Ah, ah, ah, just the doctor, if you please?" "You wanted to see me, Professor Warren?" "A very disagreeable situation has arisen, Dr Morton." "My colleagues of the Medical Society have protested against our operation." " What?" " These gentlemen are their delegates." "Physicians may not use nor prescribe patent medicines, the ingredients of which they ignore." "They think you're trying to make money out of your stuff." "I don't care if you do or not." "My only interest lies in the fact it works." "You had me worried for a moment." "I've never had the slightest intention of making money out of this." "Letheon is yours, freely and in perpetuity." "Not only your property, but all hospitals and charitable institutions, in this country and all other countries." "That's very generous of you, but I'm not sure you understood what I said." "Physicians may not use nor prescribe patent medicines, the ingredients of which they ignore." "We still ignore the ingredients of your mixture." "You can understand why I can't tell you that." "It's the secret of my business." "The one advantage I have over my rivals." "If I told you what Letheon was, everybody would be using it." " Would that be such a catastrophe?" " It might be for me." "My patent hasn't been granted yet." "It's pending." "Maybe if you'd use the Letheon this way for a while." "After my patent had been granted..." " You could sell it for more money." " What?" "Why, you stuffy little..." " You've been robbing your patients..." " Morton, stop it." "The ethics of our profession have done much more good than harm." "They don't happen to fit this case." "That is regrettable." "There is nothing more to be said." "I thank you for your good intention." "You're going to let people be tortured when it isn't necessary?" " That's a high-handed interpretation." " No." "We will share the blame, Dr Morton." " You and I. Make the patient ready." " Yes, sir." "I shall operate in the usual way." " Preposterous." " Ridiculous." "Sorry to disappoint you, gentlemen, but this operation will be performed in the old way." "...that the prayer of faith shall save the sinner." "And the Lord shall raise him up." "And if he hath committed sins, they shall be forgiven him." "Our Lady of Sorrows is watching down over you, Alice, and will send an angel of mercy to protect you." "Thank you, Father." "Are you the girl..." "the girl for the leg operation?" " Yes, sir." " I'm terribly, terribly sorry." "It isn't as bad as it sounds, sir." "Some gentleman has made a new discovery and it doesn't hurt any more." "That's right." "It doesn't hurt any more." "Now or ever again."