"Da, I have the plans." "Twenty million?" "I don't think so." "This is state-of-the-art submarine technology." "ALEX:" "Is he talking about our sub?" "I can't see the screen." "He moved the lamp." "If they have plans for the Canadian Super Sub, we need to stop him." "Exactly." "If the rest of the world finds out that Canada has secretly massed the most powerful *** on Earth, it'll destroy years of quiet, low-key planning." "Wait." "Canada has a Super Sub?" "Yeah." "We're gonna have the Super Sub." "Oh, yeah, laser-guided torpedoes, stealth cloaking mechanism, state-of-the-art sound system, three-foot spoilers, totally bad-ass." "Well, it's going to the Russians if we don't stop Victor Laslov." "Fifty million or no deal." "VICTOR:" "Fine, tomorrow." "You bring me the money, I will give you the plans." "We have to get in there tonight!" "Whoa, whoa, Tiger." "No one's goin' in there guns blazing." "This guy's really dangerous." "See that dagger tattoo?" "That means he's captain of the Russian Mafia." "Each leg on those spiders represents an agent he's killed." "What about the Tasmanian Devil?" "God only knows what that means." "I've got an idea." "I'll get him out of the house." "You guys do the rest." "Burt, do you still have that crappy car?" "Uh, no." "I have a '98 hatchback, mint condition." "Right." "Gimme the keys." "♪ Well now the sun ain't shining' no more ♪" "♪ I don't know why but I've seen it before ♪" "♪ Ain't got no joy No man to lean on ♪" "♪ He leaves my ul on the floor like a doll ♪" "♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah!" "♪ ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo ♪" "[engine sputtering]" "Excuse me?" "Sorry to bother you, but my car won't start." "Have you tried calling CAA?" "Oh, good idea." "Oh." "Oh, now look what I've done." "Maybe I could have a quick look." "Thank you." "That's right, take the bait, you handsome Russian devil, you." "When Alex gets Victor out of there, you and I'll go and get the plans." "Claude, you stay here and, you know?" "Watch the soufflé." "You made soufflé?" "I started it before all this went down." "Hm." "Helps me relax." "Why can't you order pizza, like other guys on stakeout?" "You don't like soufflé?" "It's not that;" "it's a stakeout." "It should be guys hangin' out, empty donut boxes on the floor, staying up all night telling ghost stories." "I think that's a sleepover." "But, uh, let's stay frosty." "We don't wanna lose Alex, or the soufflé." "[ggles]" "Okay, there we go." "Though I suggest you take this out into the field and shoot it." "[giggles]" "You're so funny." "It's so nice to find a man who's good with his hands." "My pleasure." "I'm Alex." "Victor." "Let's see if it starts." "[engine starts]" "So, Victor, do you wanna take me for a spin?" "Sadly, I have business." "Oh, it's a chilly evening, huh?" "[giggles] Here." "Hey, that's my jacket." "We can go into my house and have some coffee." "You can warm up inside." "That works too." "Okay, Plan B. What's Plan B?" "We shoot Alex." "What?" "Ah, that's plan M." "Oh, I'm reading this backwards." "Oh, hell!" "Honey." "Honey." "There you are." "Hi, I'm-I'm Peter, Alex's husband." "Husband." "Okay." "I am Victor." "You are a lucky man." "Oh." "Your wife is very beautiful." "Isn't she?" "She looks even better without the jacket on." "Victor just invited me in for some coffee and I could really use some after that car trouble." "Great." "Coffee would be great." "We should totally do that." "I know why you came over." "Yeah?" "A wise man would not leave his wife alone with me." "[laughing]" "Yes, well, she wouldn't last two seconds with you, Lady Killer." "Look at those arms." "Yeah, pretty sure I can handle it." "I'm pretty sure you can, Hon." "[whispers] Your jacket says NISA." "Oh." "So, do you live nearby?" "No." "Yes." "Well, just moved." "Across the way." "Top floor." "Hm." "The McLarens moved?" "She means the bottom floor." "She's terrible with numbers." "We should talk about this over coffee." "Yeah, good idea." "Maybe we could talk about this another time." "Hello." "Oh, hel-lo." "Making friends?" "These are our new neighbours, Peter and Alex." "This is my wife, Natasha." "Pleased to meet you, Peter." "Victor just invited us in for some coffee." "No surprise." "But, really, Victor, coffee?" "We welcome you Russian style, with vodka." "Oh." "Come, Peter, tell me about yourself." "Oh." "Come on, Honey." "Vodka." "What's Peter doing?" "That's not the plan." "They're improvising." "We needed to get in the house, they're in the house." "We should get backup." "Where are N'udu and JoJo?" "Uh..." "[mumbling]" "Claude specifically asked for a good head of arugula." "Is it a head or a bunch?" "Let's just go." "You need it with souffle." "I don't need souffle." "Too much air." "And Claude puts mushrooms in it." "I don't eat fungus." "[beep] It's Burt." "Things are going down at Laslov's." "We gotta go." "But we're so close." "Excuse me, sir." "We just have the one item." "Yeah, me too." "You have three packs of noodles." "But the noodles are on sale." "They're three for 99 cents;" "they only count as one." "N'udu, hypothetically, if you were to kill someone with the conten of this basket, how would you do it?" "Easily done." "I'd take one package of noodles..." "Not three." "It only takes one." "I rip it open, blow the seasoning powder into the face, blinding him." "And as he struggles to claw the MSG from his eyes," "I stab him in the jugular with a dehydrated noodle." "I think I forgot something." "You guys can go ahead." "Thank you." "Oh." "Mm." "Please, make yourselves at home." "I'm gonna go help Victor with the drinks." "So, how do you wanna play this?" "I'll excuse myself and..." "Hm." "Did you miss lunch?" "You have to match Russians drink for drink or they won't trust you." "You gotta load up on fat and carbs to stay sober." "Saved my ass when I worked the Moscow desk." "Try the herring." "It's awesome." "Not a fan of the pickled fish." "Mm." "I'll ask to use the washroom, sneak into the den, get the plans off the computer." "Mm-hmm." "NATASHA:" "Here comes vodka." "Mm, right." "While you're doin' that," "I'll do my best to distract Victor and Natasha and that should be enough to buy you some time." "Here we are." "My husband, no table manners." "[laughs]" "I like a man with a big appetite." "Well, now you do." "I am ready for this vodka." "A toast." "To our new neighbours." "Mm, to Russia." "Hah-hah!" "[bang glasses]" "Aaah." "Now, that is Russian!" "It's good stuff." "I'm gonna freshen up." "No, no." "No, no, please, just..." "lovely, just sit." "[bangs glass] I'm done!" "And marshmallows." "Well, you ram as many as possible down the throat of a victim, then pinch the nose, forcing them to gasp, drawing the marshmallows into the windpipe, forcing an airtight seal so they suffocate on their own carbon monoxide." "And with you, I would take the pointy pin on your nametag and jam it in your neck!" "No." "We just wanna pay her." "Oh, right." "MAN:" "That's him, right there, the one with the arugula." "Get me some marshmallows, two bags." "Three." "JoJo and N'udu should be here right now." "What are you doing?" "Close the lights!" "Close the lights?" "Well, off to the washroom for me," "No, no." "No, no." "Please, stay." "We've been over this." "In English we say, "Turn them off."" "In French we say, "Ferme-la puis vite."" "They can see us." "What floor did you say you lived on?" "Ground." "Mm, yes." "My wife and I just moved into the ground floor." "Any roommates?" "No." "Definitely not." "Painters?" "BURT:" "I'll get it with the broom." "Maybe you're being robbed." "[chuckles]" "Oh!" "Oh, our exchange students." "Exchange students?" "Oh, yeah, exchange students," "PJ and, um, Jeffy." "BURT:" "I'm closing, I'm closing." "Special education students." "So brave of you to take them into your home." "[two claps]" "Was that a clapper?" "Awe-some." "A Christmas gift." "Oh, and they're off to bed, and I'm off to the washroom." "Mm, oh, I'll, uh, I'll hold down the fort, Hon." "Mm, here's, uh, here's a great story." "1999, New Years Eve, The Keg." "I'm the best bartender in the house." "Alex, second hottest waitress there." "Countdown begins and I'm thinkin' to myself, you know, who am I gonna kiss, right?" "Excuse me." "I must go make phone call." "Well are you sure, 'cause there-there's gonna be a kiss." "Oh, I like stories with kissing." "Oh." "Uh, hm." "Claude, what hell was that with the lights over there?" "Burt." "[sighs] Say no more." "Okay, I'm in." "Damn, I can't find the plans anywhere on this computer." "I'll hack in from my end." "Oh, maudit." "I'm getting the swirling beach ball." "[gasps] Hang on." "There's a folder called Super Subs." "Let me just..." "Oh, oh!" "Dirty subs, dirty sub." "Ooo, that's gotta chafe." "I can't get in." "JoJo usually does that stuff." "Well, give the compute to her, then." "Uh, yeah." "When she...um, she will be here soon." "Tell her to hurry." "We don't have all..." "COMPUTER:" "You win!" "You win!" "Dammit!" "Click on the donkey now." "You win!" "Click on the donkey..." "VICTOR:" "Check out the apartment across the way." "See what you can get out of Jeffy and PJ." "I don't think they are exchange students." "[toilet flushing]" "Oh, I was just flushing your wonderful toilet." "Come." "You must tell better stories than your husband." "[laughs] [dance music]" "Hey, hey, hey, Babe." "Dance party." "DJ Petey in the house." "Mind if I cut in?" "The food worked." "I'm totally sober." "I sent Yuri and Sergey next door to check things out." "I don't trust these people." "Can we get outta here or what?" "The plans aren't on the computer." "He must have dumped them onto a USB key." "Oh, he's got a lanyard on around his neck." "Your hair looks really pretty." "Oh." "Don't worry." "Have fun." "It's always work with you." "Let's get freaky." "Yeah." "[laughing]" "I'll check Victor out." "Okay, great." "I got Natasha." "Ooo." "PETER:" "Hey, hey, look at me." "I'm krumping!" "Wow!" "Do you think she'd go for a redhead?" "[door opens]" "N'udu, JoJo, you gotta see this." "Peter is trashed." "N'udu, I thought we agreed, we don't have to do that every time." "[cocks gun]" "We have guests." "Step away from the monitors." "Tell us who you are." "Well, I'm..." "Nick." "Nick..." "Screen." "Smooth." "He's Jean Pierre." "And we're ham radio operators." "Cheater." "Canadian Intelligence." "Sort of." "[beeping] What is that?" "A timer." "A bomb?" "Oven." "It's a souffle." "How stupid do you think we are?" "Sergey!" "What is it?" "A souffle." "[sniffs]" "With rosemary and something else." "Mushrooms." "Don't let it fall." "We know how to handle souffle." "Come, Peter." "I show you the house." "Mm, great idea." "Hmm." "So, here we are." "[glasses clink]" "Your husband cannot hold his liquor." "How is it that you can?" "Beer pong." "Lots and lots of beer pong." "So you like to party." "Oh, I love to party." "Is that why you and Peter don't wear wedding bands?" "They're out being resized." "My husband has little tiny ring finger." "[giggles]" "What about PJ and Jeffy?" "Is that really what you want to be talking about right now?" "No, I guess not." "It's just that they seem a little o-o-old to be exchange students." "And this is the bedroom." "Oh, it's-it's nice." "It seems like we flew past a few rooms back there, you know." "Oh, um, actually, I think I just need to run and tell my wife that, uh..." "Tell your wife what?" "Well, that it's just..." "Okay, she can wait." "He knows he's on camera, right?" "Oh, he knows." "Victor's gonna be mad," "Ooo, no." "[door opens]" "JOJO:" "Thanks to you, I got a date with a security guard named Rory." "Why are the lights..." "Oh, crap." "Drop the arugula." "Mmm-uaah!" "Let's get this out of the way." "Oh, teeth." "Cool." "In Russia they call me the Tooth Fairy." "[nervous giggle] Let me inspect your molars." "Oh, you." "[giggling]" "PETER:" "No, no, no, I'm totally into it." "a block of cheese or something." "What were you guys doing?" "We were just talking oral health." "What were you two doing?" "Tour of the house." "Great place." "We were in our bedroom." "You were in our bedroom with..." "Oh, and with DJ Petey?" "You just..." "[Victor and Natasha arguing] There's a safe in the bedroom." "Good work." "So, what were two doing down here?" "Hm?" "Nothing." "Just keeping Victor distracted." "You guys weren't..." "No, no, just distracting as well." "[speaking Russian]" "Are you as turned on as I am?" "Yes." "Get rid of our guests." "Yeah, but Yuri They're not and Sergey. invited." "No, but they're still next door." "But I want to..." "Okay." "We must make love now." "Go!" "How about one more for the road?" "Go!" "Sure, that's cool." "I'm gonna throw up." "I'm just going to..." "Yeah, okay." "Move, move." "CLAUDE:" "I'm sorry about this." "About what?" "[twooud slaps] [crashing and banging, sounds of struggling]" "Good cover." "Oh, you actually are..." "I'll just give you your space." "Yeah, yeah, good." "Just, uh..." "Breathing." "Retinal scanner?" "Dammit." "Okay." "Now party's really over." "Victor, hi." "Is this where you keep your paper towels or..." "Okay, I'm just trying to break into your safe." "[grunting, sounds of struggling] [two claps]" "Sit down!" "Hands where I can see 'em." "Now, how to kill a man with a souffle." "No, no, please, not the souffle." "Hm?" "So little Miss Spy." "It seems it's time to add another tooth to my necklace." "Nice work." "You seem better." "Yeah, yeah, master of the ralph and rally." "Huh." "Help me drag him to the safe." "[both grunting]" "Peel his eyelid back." "Get your finger in there, pop it out a bit." "Ooh, I touched the white part." "[buzz] Try the other eye." "[buzz] Why is this not working?" "Because you need my eye." "[gasps] Oh." "Don't look so surprised." "Victor is only the muscle." "I am the brains of this operation." "Sure, right." "She's got a gun." "Let her be the brains." "You don't believe?" "What do you think this is?" "Drunken mistake?" "Natasha is the leader of the Bratva, not Victor?" "I did not see that coming." "Look Natasha, put the gun down." "This place is surrounded." "We've got agents coming any minute." "I hope we've got agents coming any minute." "Shut up, you stupid Canadian." "You think you're so smart fooling the world into believing your subs are crap, while the whole time you're developing the super submarine to take over the Arctic." "But now with all the plans, Mother Russia will have all the glory and I will be very rich and you will be very dead." "I'll drink to that." "[grunting and yelling]" "What are you doing?" "Hm?" "Oh, right, Alex." "You help Peter." "I'll cuff the guy on the floor." "We haven't met." "Oh, I'm N'udu." "You okay?" "Aah, yeah, I'm fine." "So, "I'll drink to that"?" "I know." "I shoulda gone with "Last call."" "Man, this guy's built like a statue." "I know, right?" "Come on, Victor." "[grunting]" "Take these guys back to headquarters and lock them up with Victor and Natasha." "I'll get this back to our Super Sub Headquarters located at..." "MALE VOICE:" "Censored by order of the Canadian Government." "BURT:" "Okay, can we start now?" "So, bon appetit." "Mm, mm." "Mm, this is good, this is really good." "Mm, yeah." "Is there more of this?" "No." "So, what was it like making out with a Russian chick?" "Awesome." "You said nothing happened." "I lied." "It got crazy." "Yeah, I made out with Victor, too." "I don't blame you." "The guy was ripped." "Claude, may I please have some more of this delicious salad?" "It's delicious because the arugula is so fresh, you know?" "I picked it out." "JoJo, eat your mushrooms." "I don't like mushrooms." "I'll eat 'em."