"Happy first anniversary!" "Same to you, darling." "Okay, now" " Presents." " Oh, boy." " Okay." "The first anniversary is paper, so..." "A newspaper." "The '75 Sugar Bowl!" "I played in that!" "I am aware." "This is fantastic." "Wait-- There's more." "Oh, mercy!" "You got me a Tennessee Stack Cake all the way from Knoxville!" "This is my favorite." "Once again, I am aware." "Oh, I tell you..." "My other two wives combined didn't take this good care of me." "Well, either way, it's nice to be reminded of them." "Now, you're not gonna get yours until tonight at the party." "What?" "I want everybody to be here when you get it." "No, that's not fair." "I gave you yours!" "Come on, please?" "Oh, all right, fine." "Now, close those pretty little eyes of yours." "Okay." "You're not taking your clothes off, are you?" "Oh, my God!" "What did you get me?" "When I saw this, I thought of you." "What?" "It's a stripper pole!" "Yes, it is!" "See, that's why I wanted to wait 'til the party, so everybody could see your face just like that." "Oh, well, it still may be like this." "Wait, there's more." "Oh, okay." "But really, how can you top the Girl Twirl 3000?" "With six in-home pole dancing lessons with Honey Pots, that's how!" " Hey!" " Uh, hi!" "What?" "It was just that yesterday I was so sure that I'd lost you." "And now I get to walk through that door and see your face." "It's like we're us again." "It is the most amazing feeling that I" "Actually, um..." "I'm not so sure about the us part." "I'm sor-- How's that?" "Yesterday, when I put my arms around you, I thought I could just forget about everything you did, but it's not that easy." "No?" "You really hurt me." "You broke my heart." "And I am so sorry about that." "I know you are." "And I want to forgive you, but..." "I just don't know if I can." "Oh..." "Oh, God!" "No, but I'm not saying I can't." "I just need to think about all this." "Okay." "No, that's fair." "I'm sorry." "No, don't be." "I'm fine." "I'm more than fine." "I bask in your indecision." "I know this is hard for you." "Please!" "The uncertainty is half the fun." "So..." "Do we have a sense of when this decision might be handed down?" "No, I just need some time." "And you shall have it." "Whether it's a day..." "or less" " Whatever." "You--You do your thing of deciding whether we have a future together." "And I'll just continue to chill." "I kind of need to make this decision on my own." "Oh, okay." "Not yet." "Oh, awesome!" "So, you met your new neighbor yet?" "No, I'm just hoping they don't play the banjo." "Did the last one play the banjo?" "No." "Kat?" "Oh, no." "You live here?" "Oh, my God, this is so meant to be!" "Hi, Kat's friend." "Hi!" "That's my sister, Lena." "This is Palmer." "We went to art school together." "Oh, hi!" "Hi." "Great chair." "Oh, thank you." "Hey, careful with that!" "Sorry." "I have to show these guys where to put stuff." "But I'll see you later, neighbor." "This is gonna be so fun!" "Yeah!" "Ahh!" "What?" "I thought she was sweet." "Yeah, she's too sweet." "I hate her whole cutesy, blonde, perky thing." "I hate that she refuses to see that I hate her." "Well, I liked her." "Who's side are you on?" "I don't know." "You're side seems kind of hatey." "Besides, you should be nice to her." "Why?" "She's your neighbor." "What if you need to borrow sugar?" "For what?" "I don't know." "To bake a cake." "Ye, I'd rather have a bitter cake." "You are a bitter cake." "Oh, dear!" "Yeah..." "Yonk told me to put it up." "And, uh, ha..." "It's not weird at all." "I'm just..." "Installing a stripper pole for you and your husband." "Uh, it's just for fun." "And good exercise, apparently." "Okay, I just gotta figure out if I left enough give in it." "Would you say your dancing style is more smooth and twirly..." "Or aggressive and thrusty?" "I don't have a pole dancing style, per se." "But maybe my teacher, Ms. Honey Pots will help me find one." "Hey, you okay?" "Why wouldn't I be?" "My husband got me a stripper pole for our first anniversary." "Maybe next year, he'll get me the leather mask with the zipper I've had my eye on!" "So, he's not so great with the presents." "I don't care about the present." "It's just" "He's my husband." "And it's like he doesn't know me at all." "I'm sorry." "Come here." "You know, I'm not sure if this is gonna help." "But if you send in the registration card soon, you get a free pair of pasties." "So, what kind of movie you guys want to see?" "Maybe a romantic comedy?" "You got anything where somebody's wrongfully imprisoned?" "Really?" "Yeah, I'm in that kind of mood." "Who is it?" "(Palmer) Hey, neighbor!" "Oh, is this the one we can't stand?" "Yeah, get your hatin' shoes on!" "Hi, just thought I'd pop in." "Yeah, okay, here's the deal." "I'm not really a "pop in" kind of gal." "But if you're ever in here, then you are more than welcome to pop out." "See, this is what I missed." ""I'm Kat, I'm dark and brooding." "Don't pop in."" "She's got you down." "Hi, guy in a sweater." "Ethan." "Hi, Ethan." "I'm Palmer." "So, you guys just hanging out?" "We were gonna go to a movie." "Wanna go?" "Whatcha doing?" "Just being neighborly." "(Palmer) Thanks." "But I've got a lot of work to do." "I just wanted to say "hey."" "See you guys later." "What do you do?" "Are you kidding me?" "Oh, I'm a photographer too." "(Palmer) But I'm not nearly as talented as Kat." "I'm amazed every time I sell something." "Wha" " You're actually selling stuff?" "Oh, gosh, yeah." "Bunches." "It's pretty crazy." "What kind of work do you do?" "I take pictures of fruit..." "Dressed in little outfits." "Like, I put pears in little business suits and sat them around a conference table." "And I did figs in a rodeo." "And last Christmas, I shot this nativity scene with a little kumquat as the baby Jesus." "Fruit..." "In little outfits." "I call it "fruitography."" "No, you don't." "Yeah, I do." "Anyway, I'm gonna pop out!" "Bye!" "Oh, my God." "Figs in a rodeo?" "Figs in a rodeo!" "And you-- You think you're pretty cute, huh?" "Well, I'm no kumquat Jesus, but..." "All right, everything's all set in the bedroom." "That pole's pretty sweet, huh?" "You oughta get one for your place." "Yeah, my mom already does her kickboxing video in her bathing suit, so I'm all good." "I'll see you tonight at the party." "Hang on a sec." "Did Nick say anything, you know, about the pole?" "She like it?" "Well, there were tears in her eyes." "I'm thinking for her birthday, I'm gonna get her a smoke machine to go with it." "You know, I" "I wouldn't do that if I were you." " Disco ball?" " No." " Thigh-high go-go boots?" " No, man!" "Nothing else from the stripper store!" "Why not?" "Because she hated the pole!" "She hated the pole?" "Yeah, man..." "It's Nicole." "She likes romance." "She likes pretty things." "She's not looking to shake her money-maker." "Oh, man, I blew it!" "You know, as my wives get younger and younger, it just gets harder to figure out what they want." "I mean, what do the kids like these days?" "All right, I gotta get her something else." "What should I get?" "I don't know." "Hey, come on." "You gotta help me out here." "Please." "I just want her to be happy." "Yeah..." "Yeah, me too." "You know how she loves fashion?" "She loves fashion." "Uh..." "Okay." "All right, there's this thing in New York and it's called, like, Fashion Week, you know?" "And I know she's always wanted to go, but she could never get in." "So maybe use your connections and get her some passes or something." "Fashion Week." "Mm-hmm." "Gotcha." "And you're sure this is something she'll like?" "Oh, yeah." "She's gonna love it." "You know, I got my second wife a stripper pole." "I could not get her off the damn thing!" "And, uh..." "Where'd you meet her?" "Strip club." "Hey." "Hey--oh, oh!" "Sorry." "Thanks." "So, um, what if someone else in the world wants cantaloupe?" "Oh, well, they may be cantaloupes now, but, um, soon they're gonna be immigrants coming in to Ellis Island." "Ah, yes, they came to this country with nothing but the rinds on their backs." "So, is there a Statue of Liberty?" "Yeah, it's really cool, um, you wanna see?" "Um..." "Okay." "It's almost finished, the top" "Yeah, yeah, let's just talk about it in here." "Hey." "(Richie) Hey!" "Aw, you look amazing." "Oh, I did my hair, and Armor All'd my tires." "Hey there, Red." "Hey!" "Happy Anniversary." "Thanks." "This your lady?" "Oh, yeah, Yonk, this is Lina." "Lina, Yonk." "Congratulations." "Although, I should point out, she is not my lady." "I would love for nothing more, but she's in the process of deciding whether we are-- unless a decision has been made?" "No?" "No!" "Which is great." "I'm sorry, that's just more words than I care to take in." "Enjoy the party." "Hey, you." "Wow." "For an old married lady, you look pretty smokin'." "Well, you clean up pretty nice yourself." "So, uh, you doing any better?" "Yeah, I'm hanging in there." "I keep telling myself there's a lot of poor women out there who'll never get an anniversary present that they can rub their business on." "Well, the new calendars are out." "And there are some local favorites that should definitely find their way into your Christmas stockings." "Ethan, it's me, are you there?" "Pick up." "I'm really bored." "The Philadelphia Zoo has 12 months of baby penguins." "This one's named Bosco." "He looks a little lost." "Penguins are cute and all, but if you cooked one, I'd eat it." "But my personal favorite is this one by local artist Palmer Wyland, who calls herself a fruitographer." "Oh, my God!" "And I have Ms. Wyland here with me now to tell us about her calendar." "Where the hell are you?" "I should not be alone with this!" "Well, for July, I have nectarines signing the Declaration of Independence." "And in June, I have a green grape marrying a purple grape." "I try and make people think." "Hey, have you seen Lina?" "'Fraid not." "I checked the bathroom, she's not in the kitchen." "Man, you're whiter than usual." "What's going on between you and that gal?" "Oh, it's a long story." "And I know how you feel about a lot of words." "It's all right, you can tell me." "Yeah, I'm kinda on shaky ground." "I lied to her about being married, broke her heart, backed over her with my car." "Huh." "I gave my first wife the clap." "Why are you telling me this?" "Well, I thought we were sharing." "Can't always be about you, you know." "Whoa, there you are." "Happy Anniversary." "Oh, thanks." "What's that?" "Um, it's a gift from my husband." "Can you believe this?" "It's beautiful." "No, I don't like it." "Oh, good." "And for our first anniversary." "Do you ever feel like sometimes Richie just doesn't get who you are?" "No." "I-I think he gets me more than anyone I've ever met." "Really?" "Yeah." "I mean, with all the other guys I've been with, I spent most of my time trying to explain myself." "But with him I don't need to." "Sometimes he even explains me to me." "You're very lucky." "Yeah, I am." "Oh, hey!" "'Sup?" "Uh, Nicole was just showing me her new pole." "Oh." "Oh!" "Expecting firemen?" "It's a stripper pole." "It's a gift from my husband." "It's better than what he gave his first wife." "You okay?" "Oh, yeah, I'm fine." "It's just, I, um, when I noticed you were gone, I got a teensy bit panicky." "Why?" "I-I thought that you maybe made your decision about us, and it wasn't good." "Actually, I think I did make a decision." "Oh...and what did you decide?" "I'm not sure I can ever completely forgive you for what you did." "But I know I'd never forgive myself if I don't give us a second chance." "Really?" "Aww. [laughter]" "Aww, feeling better?" "Oh, yes, I am!" "Wow." "Do that again." "What?" "That little move there with the pole." "Do it again." "Why?" "Come on, give me a show." "Yeah, that's gonna happen." "Forget it!" "No!" "No..." "Come on!" "After everything I've done?" "Taken you back?" "You are really playing that card." "Yeah, I'm playing it, baby." "Okay." "Oh, this is hot." "Yeah, Mommy, you know you want it." "Come on, sell it!" "* Bam chicka bam bam *" "* Chicka wah wah *" "* Chicka chicka wah ah *" "* Chicka chicka ha *" "* Chicka wah wah *" "* Chicka chicka--oh!" "* *" "Rookie mistake." "Listen, sugar, about that stripper pole..." "Oh, honey, not tonight." "The idea of spinning after eating half of that stack cake?" "I just...can't." "No, no, I just wanted to make sure you understood that was the gag gift." "Oh." "This is the real one." "You got me passes to Fashion Week?" "VIP access." "Front row every day, except one day we're in the second row, but we're behind Prince, and he's just a little bitty thing." "Oh, this is just..." "unbelievable." "I can't imagine a better present!" "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" "Well, uh, I'm gonna take off." "Oh, thanks for coming." "You, um, you seem to be doing better." "Yeah, it turns out the stripper pole was a joke gift." "No kidding." "Yeah!" "You're not gonna believe this." "Passes to Fashion Week in New York." "Wow, God, that's awesome!" "I know, check it out, front row." "Yeah!" "That's like..." "really close to the clothes." "Yeah, I know." "How amazing is he?" "Yeah, he-- he's pretty great." "Yeah, it's so funny because every time I start to talk about fashion stuff," "I can just see him glaze over, and I could've sworn he's never heard a word..." "What?" "This was your idea, wasn't it?" "No." "I'm so stupid." "The pole wasn't a gag gift." "He had you bolt it into our bedroom." "Well, yeah, that's the funny part." "This is all you." "Look, I really wish I could say it was, but, nah, I had nothing to do with it." "Your husband, he, uh, he came through." "Really?" "Yeah." "Happy Anniversary." "Delivery!" "Hey, how you doing, I got, um, some pineapples, papayas, and mangos." "Across the hall." "They're probably going sto be a marching band." "Hey, I got a delivery." "Can you sign for this?" "No problem." "Morning." "Whoo-hoo, that's it!" "Work it!" "Yeah, you better have some singles in that purse, Mama!" "Son, you just ruined that pole for me."