"Previously on "Boston Legal"" "I'd like to get married" "What?" "I wanna get married" "The answer is yes" "May I kiss the bride?" "It should be you" "It's wooden Judge" "A propreoseptive tool" "What is this?" "New therapy" "Good isn't it?" "You will be utterly reduced to an ineffective, mumbling, inarticulate man with Asbergers disease" "I'll hold you in contempt right now" "My handcuffs or yours?" "You better respect this robe Alan" "Shall we get started Judge" "I'm gonna hate myself in the morning" "I really appreciate you taking the time to see me." "You look great, by the way." "You should see me naked." "Really?" "I always found you much sexier fully-clothed." "Is that why you always took me skiing?" "Anything to get you in a parka." "I can see the two of you had a personal history together." "Can I have one?" "You're so desirable." "How can I help you, Kaye?" "Okay." "Don't laugh." "These are called Tarties dolls." "My daughter plays with them, or wishes she could." "She's six." "Many of her friends have them, the ones who don't, want them, and as you can see, they look like little hookers." "I bet they make great stocking stuffers." "They sell them nationwide at major retailers, including Fletcher's at the mall in my town." "It's the equivalent of pornography in my opinion, which..." "you know I support." "My daughter got these as gifts for her birthday." "These were her favorite gifts, by the way." "But not your favorite, I suspect." "Denny." "Fletcher's is a family-oriented department store." "You've seen their commercials." "I would like to somehow get them to discontinue selling these." "It's totally irresponsible." "My daughter is six." "Kaye, you can't possibly expect me to oppose something as titillating as" "Alan, I said my daughter." "She's also your daughter." "Okay, she's not, but imagine if you had one." "Do you?" "Not that I know of, but..." "Please?" "I really wanna shut this down." "We have no grounds whatsoever to" "I would think Fletcher's would be concerned about the negative publicity." "Denny." "Just get us in the courtroom... please?" "Let me try the long shot first." "I'll contact counsel for Fletcher's and persuade them that it might be in their best interest to voluntarily pull the dolls." "But I must say Kaye these dolls to me seem... good for society." "Thank you." "Mr. Crane, thank you." "Not to worry." "We never lose." "I'll be in touch." "Okay." "Give it to me." "What?" "Denny." "Give me the doll." "She's hot." "Hey, Shirley." "Hey!" "What's going on?" "Well..." "We have a little announcement to make." "Brad and I are getting married." "Oh!" "Please!" "Very funny." "No." "I..." "We are." "I love him and I decided to marry him." "Oh." "Oh!" "Oh, well." "That is wonderful!" "." "Why do you think this is so ridiculous?" "I do not think it's ridiculous." "I'm..." "I'm just overwhelmed." "I," "I mean we all thought it was just a matter of time before you two love-birds..." "Ha.." "I don't know what to say... ha, ha." "Are you making fun of me?" "Uh... no sir." "I saw you." "You hopped." "Oh." "I got this sense that you were about to hop, and I just hopped too." "It wasn't to make fun of you." "Why are you following me?" "Oh." "I'm Mr. Shore's assistant." "This is my office." "Oh." "He in?" "Yes sir." "Thanks, much!" "How we doin', Al?" "Good to see you." "Family's good I take it!" "Jerry." "I don't have a family." "Small courtesies." "Don't take it literal, Al." "Your people called my people about Fletcher's." "What can I do you for?" "You represent Fletcher's Department Stores?" "Some." "Not all." "I represent the one you're trying to shake down." "What's the problem?" "Before we discuss that problem, I'd like to address ours, Jerry." "Didn't know we had one." "What have I done now?" "." "Would you please stop that?" "No." "This is the persona I use in my cases." "Especially against the tricky, sleazy lawyers!" "Which I consider you to be." "I say it with affection, Al." "Jerry, please, stop it." "May I have the wooden cigarette, please?" "No, I use this." "If you don't like it, tough!" "Okay." "First off, I'm thrilled for you." "I'm very impressed..." "Fletcher's Department Stores for a client." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Now we're both blowing' fake smoke." "Que es la problema with mi cliento?" "Your client sells these dolls, they're called Tarties, quite sexual in nature and yet they market them to children." "We'd like them to stop." "My client makes a lot of money on those dolls, Al." "They're just harmless fun." "Do you have a collection?" "That might make Patty jealous." "Nice try, Al." "What else you got?" "I don't like the new you, Jerry." "Sorry to disappoint" "We done here?" "Yes." "See you in court." "It's a date!" "My best to the Mrs." "The wooden cigarette?" "Again?" "Yeah." "I've lost a friend, Denny." "It was so upsetting to... oh..." "I've lost a very good friend." "In other words he succeeded in distracting you." "Say what you will about Hands, Alan, the man's a genius." "He's trading on your guilt here." "Putting you in the exact state of mind you're in." "It's not the wooden cigarette he's using." "It's you." "I wonder." "Denny!" "The interview for the new litigation associate..." "Yes." "Well, if you're too busy..." "No, no, not too busy." "It's okay, we can, we can..." "No, no." "I'd like to meet him." "I hear he's very good." "Yeah." "He's a terrific candidate." "And Denny... we don't want to lose him." "And you're afraid I'll say the wrong thing and blow it?" "No." "It's not that." "It's uh..." "It's uh... what, Paul?" "What?" "Well... what if he says the wrong thing?" "We're afraid you'll shoot him." "We need this guy, Denny." "I'll take the interview." "Ugh." "And Paul?" "On your way out, when you pass the receptionist, check out the name of the firm." "See whose name comes first." "Shirley?" "Why do you think it's so ridiculous that I'm gonna marry Brad?" "I don't." "Yes you do." "I saw your face." "Come on." "You've always been honest with me." "Oh, ho!" "That is not true." "If I had a nickel for every lie..." "Please." "Why does my opinion even matter?" "Because it does!" "Well that should tell you something right there." "If you need the approval of others..." "I don't need approval." "I just wanted..." "I don't know." "Advice?" "Maybe." "Yeah." "Ah." "You, you don't love him." "At least not enough." "You're having his baby; it's no doubt the practical thing to marry him." "Perhaps even better for the baby, but um...you don't love him enough." "How dare you?" "What business is it of yours?" "Mr. Shore?" "You all set?" "Yes." "I didn't challenge zoning in the motion." "I alleged nuisance." "Nuisance?" "Yes." "It's more viable." "It's a question of fact." "It won't get kicked." "Okay." "Ah, you don't seem focused, Alan." "I'm not!" "I'm up against a friend who..." "he's doing what you do, I suppose." "He's taking on a false persona which makes him feel more comfortable, because in his own skin..." "Part of me feels that I've helped to destroy the real Jerry Espenson." "And I feel horrible about that." "Okay." "In the meantime you got a case to do." "You need to go win this, Alan." "For your friend." "For her daughter." "For Jerry." "For Jerry?" "How so?" "If he beats you at full strength, fine." "But if he senses you're in there feeling sorry for him..." "Take it from me, that's the worst." "So I should go in there and..." "Kick his ass." "I suppose you're right." "Most honorable thing I could do would be to..." "Kick." "His." "Ass." "All rise." "Case number seven, seven, two, six, four, Kaye Kent versus Fletcher's Department Store." "Oh dear." "What, oh dear?" "This may not be the ideal Judge." "She'd like those dolls more than I do." "Your Honor, we would ask that you dismiss this complaint on the face of the allegations, none of which support a viable cause of action." "My client sells these dolls nationwide without incident." "Is there something unique about the plaintiff's particular neighborhood?" "Before we get started I would ask that Your Honor recuse herself." "The Judge and I are friends, Jerry." "Yes, Alan." "And the wheels of justice would grind to a halt if we recused every jurist you've slept with." "Tell you what." "How about we go with, "Don't ask, don't tell?"" "Because for me the bragging gets old." "Oh, don't worry, Your Honor, he said you were phenomenal." "He's got you on his Top Ten list." "Excuse me?" "That is not true!" "I didn't tell him anything." "He's completely fabricating." "Oh!" "Oh, because you sleep with so many Judges he made an educated guess?" "No, no, no, no, no, no.." "Nooooo!" "I..." "Your Honor, I don't doubt you can remain impartial." "Despite Counsel's claim that you eat out of the palm of his..." "To Alan. ...was it the right hand?" "Jerry!" "Sorry!" "Maybe you should step down if you're as obsessed as he says." "I will stay right where I am!" "Thank you." "Your Honor, Mr. Espenson has represented me in a very false light..." "Kneepad Nellie, your words, Alan, not right, step down, Your Honor." "Mr. Shore, call your first witness." "Did you say kneepad?" "Or I will dismiss your motion right now." "She seems upset." "It's a real honor to meet you." "I'm sure it is." "I can only imagine, thinking back when I was a kid starting out in the practice of law... if I had met someone like me." "Wow!" "Yes, yes." "So?" "Who do you like for President?" "Uh." "Well, I think I would have to learn more about all of the candidates before I could..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "But if you had to vote today, who do you like?" "That's kind of a personal question, sir." "Oh, come on." "We're talking about public office." "We keep our public opinions personal, does that make sense to you?" "Well, who do you like?" "Jeb." "I don't believe he's running, sir." "Oh he will." "Last twenty years, there's been two families in the White House." "The Bushes and the Clintons." "That's the way it is." "We like our dynasties here." "It's the closest thing to having a king." "Which we need if we wanna keep attacking foreign countries against the will of the American people." "Two families." "That leaves Hillary and Jeb." "And if it's Hillary, you don't work here, bub." "Well, if working here is conditioned on aligning myself with either a candidate or a political party, then I don't wanna work here." "Atta boy!" "I like a man who puts himself out on a limb to avoid answering a question." "'Course, that makes you a Democrat." "You drink?" "We like to drink around here." "I'm not a prude." "I'm really not." "You don't have to tell me, I'm..." "Then." "Please continue." "Wait, wait, wait." "You've been with her?" "Your Honor, that's... really irrelevant." "I find it's easier to keep track of the girls he hasn't been with." "Do you mind?" "Ms. Kent." "Please continue." "It's just these dolls are so overtly sexual." "To market them to children..." "That one is actually wearing a lace thong." "But, Ms. Kent, you must admit this would present quite a slippery slope." "There are many products in today's society, be they music, clothing, videos... that are much more overtly sexual." "Most of those are aimed at teenagers." "These dolls are more for girls in elementary school." "Read what's on the box, "She knows how to flaunt it."" "They're prostitots." "And they're selling them in a toy store." "In your deposition you stated that your daughter watched The Kids' Choice Awards?" "Yes." "I see they nominated Eminem." "Funny, his CD's are labeled 'parental advisory, lyrics not suitable for kids.'" "I don't let her listen to or watch Eminem." "Oh, just the channels that glorify his lyrics?" "Objection, Counsel is putting lyrics in my client's mouth." "Good one, Al." "I see you wear clothes by Abernathy and Crotch, or whatever that's called." "I assume you mean..." "Your daughter ever go in the store with you when you shop there?" "She has." "She see the t-shirts made for ten-year-olds with 'Eye Candy' written on the front?" "Or the other tshirt that says, "Who need brains when I got these?"" "I would not let her wear that." "How 'bout all the sex on television," "I don't like it." "I read where music videos now contain ninety-three sexual situations per hour." "Your daughter ever watch music videos?" "Sometimes, I try to monitor what she watches" "But not what she plays with?" "Got it." "So I take it you don't have "Grand Theft Auto"" "that video game where they had the players simulate sex acts with prostitutes?" "We do not have that game." "But they sold it at Fletcher's, why not sue for that while you're at it?" "Objection." "Wha, wha, wha, what?" "You, Jerry." "You." "Your whole... demeanor." "Your Honor, in the absence of a case he's attacking the witness personally." "Objection overruled." "You ever watch that show about the horny housewives?" "Lotta sex there, I tell ya." "I watch it, but I wouldn't let my six-year-old watch." "She might like it, it's one of the top twenty shows with children age two to eleven." "Can't believe a mother hasn't sued for that." "Your Honor, this mocking tone is entirely inappropriate" "Ooh, Sorry." "I'll go into rehab." "Did you ever take your daughter to a psychologist after she played with these dolls?" "No." "So she really hasn't been that harmed, in your opinion." "I can only hope not." "Thanks much." "Your Honor, I'd like to call an expert witness to testify as to how the proliferation of sexual content in the marketplace is having an adverse effect," "Speculation, Al, you're better than that." "Sustained." "Certainly I'm allowed to explore the negative impact" "No!" "Your client just testified that she doesn't think her daughter was actually harmed." "Only because I've been able to fend off the assault so far, but if things start getting worse..." "This is not moot court, Ms. Kent." "Your Honor, may I see you in chambers?" "Here we go." "He told me he'd play this card." "Jerry!" "Your Honor?" "Chambers." "It'll be at your own risk, Mr. Shore." "Let's go." "Jerry." "Watch out." "You just might win this case." "Don't have it be because you've turned into this terrible, horrible person." "Is that all you got?" "You wanna call me the bumbling guy with Asperger's again?" "Bring it on, Al." "Okay." "First, I never said to opposing counsel any of the things he attributed..." "How'd he know then?" "I indicated in court..." "No, no, no." "No." "You said we were friends." "Well, he just..." "Made an educated guess?" "How many judges have you slept with, Alan?" "Something tells me I'm not going to be able to provide any satisfactory response here." "Maybe his guess went to your sexual esprit, that would..." "Perhaps we should ask a different question." "Why didn't you call?" "What?" "Well, after we made love." "Right here." "Why didn't you call?" "Was I just a hit and run number to you?" "Suddenly it smells like high school." "Why.didn't.you.call?" "Well I suppose I could ask, why didn't you call?" "You could." "And my answer would be I did." "Twice." "Both went unreturned." "Oh." "Hm." "Your Honor." "One would hope that you wouldn't let your personal discomfort with me affect your professional objectivity." "One would hope." "This not going well at all." "I assure you, we don't all like to drink." "Nor are we all Republicans." "Look." "I am not offering this as a form of a complaint so much as... well..." "I'm resigning myself to the fact that Denny Crane did not like me." "Even if that were true, which I doubt, we are not an autocracy here, not withstanding Denny's great affection for kings." "Someone's talking about me?" "My back was itching." "Denny." "Mr. Givens is under the impression that his interview with you didn't go well." "Oh, don't be silly." "Man's a keeper." "Smart." "Good-looking." "Articulate." "I like him." "There you go." "May I ask...?" "When you say "articulate"..." "I would imagine almost everyone who comes out of law school is articulate." "Yeah, but... uh...you know what I mean." "I don't, actually." "Well, I mean it like, ah..." "Joe Biden meant it." "The way they mean it when they say Condi Rice is soooo articulate." "That way." "But I still don't know what you mean." "You don't sound black!" "To say we are trying to influence our culture, it's ridiculous." "And would not make good business sense, by the way." "So what are you doing with these dolls?" "We are recognizing a market and trying to compete in it." "Not all kids wanna play with Barbies anymore." "Girls are becoming more sophisticated." "They wanna be more like their grown up sisters, or the characters they watch on television." "Teenagers who wear make-up, low-cut jeans, and yes, cropped mini-skirts." "That's what they're being exposed to by the media, including on kids programming." "And that's what they're now looking for with their dolls." "They might want beer, too." "Doesn't mean we should sell it to them." "There are laws against selling them alcohol." "There's nothing illegal about our dolls." "There's a marketing term called "age compression," are you familiar with it, sir?" "Yes." "It's a strategy, we all use it." "It allows our younger buyers to explore their more grown-up interests." "You mean, you push adult products on children?" "Objection, he uses "push" to make it sound like drug dealers!" "He's a tricky little devil." "Mr. Espenson, please sit down." "Sometimes it is like drug-dealing, isn't it, Mr. Costello?" "Like those energy drinks which contain massive amounts of caffeine, aimed at kids" "We do not sell those products." "No, you sell the little hooker dolls." "Objection." "Sustained." "Though you may not wanna recognize it, Mr. Shore, children, especially girls, are abandoning their traditional toys at an earlier age." "While many of them are running around with cell phones and iPods, we must keep up with their growing sophistication." "With the little hooker dolls." "Objection!" "Sleazy!" "C'mon, Al!" "Buddy!" "Are you aware of studies, sir, linking the sexualization of minors with eating disorders, low selfesteem, depression?" "There have been no studies specifically linking these dolls with any of those disorders, but hey, don't let the facts get in your way, bud." "Your Honor" "Sleazy Al, gotta love him." "What have I done now?" ""He doesn't sound black?"" "Well, he doesn't." "Not to me." "Does he to you?" "Denny, you truly are not aware of what a racist statement that is?" "Oh, please!" "Bush and Biden said the same thing about Obama." "Not like that, they didn't!" "Did too." "They said, "Articulate." And Biden said, "His hygiene looked good."" "Denny." "There's no such thing as, "sounding black."" "What do you mean?" "Certainly you don't think all black people sound alike?" "Well, of course not." "The anchors on the news don't sound black at all." "And the black weathermen sound whiter than me." "It's politically incorrect to say somebody sounds black." "Alright, then African-American, I don't care." "No." "Jesse Jacksonish?" "No!" "Well then how?" "What!" "What do you say?" "If a person sounds black, what's the right way to say it?" "Urban." "White people don't live in cities?" "Look." "There's no such thing as, 'sounding black.'" "Denny!" "The point is, while there may be certain dialects that are consistent with African" " American vernacular..." "You just cannot judge a man's skin color by the sound of his voice." "Is this a joke?" "No, it is not!" "You have committed an egregious offense here!" "Alright!" "Let me, let me get this straight." "Say you get kidnapped and I get a ransom call from a man who, to me, sounds black, and the cops says," ""What'd he sound like?" I should just say, "Male" or?" ""I don't know, but not necessarily black."" "Authorities have arrested a suspect in a Brookline shooting that left a local man in serious condition..." "He's kicking my ass again." "Who?" "Jerry." "And this time I'm not sure how to unravel him." "He actually seems to have my number." "I had a dream last night about one of those dolls." "They pitched a tent right in my bed." "It was lovely." "I hate losing." "It really makes me grumpy." "Meanwhile, it seems the law firm of Crane, Poole and Schmidt wants its black attorneys to sound white." "According to Kevin Givens, a law school candidate who interviewed at the firm, Denny Crane himself broke the news to him." "He actually complimented me, saying, "You don't sound black."" "Ahhh!" "Every station has run with it." "We need to respond to this, Shirley." "I take it you've seen the news." "Yes, Marshall." "This is the last straw." "He needs to be removed." "We scheduled an emergency meeting of the administrative partners for twelve o'clock." "I don't know if we can save him this time." "Let's call a press conference." "What?" "Like you say, we need to respond." "Let's call a news conference." "We all know sex sells in this country." "Be it in magazines, movies, television." "With the exception of course being family-oriented fare like the Super Bowl where, I guess, nudity has no place amongst the mud-wrestling beer commercials or the ads for erectile dysfunction." "But aside from that we as a nation heartily embrace sex, and all things sexual, as a very effective means to an end, and sometimes the end is to sell a truck and sometimes it's to impeach a president," "or to get you to buy a ticket or to just tune in." "But in the end, we as a nation are obsessed with sex, there's either too much of it or we simply can't get enough." "And personally, well, Your Honor knows I'm a fan." "Even when I watch the news the more sordid, the better." "Sex triangles in space." "Anna Nicole." "Never mind a little war in Iraq, we wanna know who the father of that woman's child is." "After all, she posed naked in Playboy!" "Mr. Shore!" "The case at hand." "Please!" "The case at hand." "What makes this case different, Your Honor, is that with these little prostitots they're celebrating promiscuity, declaring it's neat to be a trampy little slut." "But they're saying it to kids!" "Children." "My client's daughter is six years old." "She's their targeted consumer." "And for a store or manufacturer to lay it off on," ""Gee!" "It's today's culture!" is as irresponsible as it is obscene." "Our country may have degenerated to the point where people like Paris Hilton can make celebrities of themselves by having rather pedestrian, ." "and I must say lackluster, intercourse on the internet!" "Or Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan may fuel their fame with finely waxed crotch shots and random behavior that's worthy of, well, drug addicts." "But when our culture rewards them for it, or more importantly, when age compression marketing pushes this whole," ""Lets be a whore" idea on elementary school children, culture needs an adjustment" "But until then, lucky for Lindsay and Britney, they have you." "I love your glibness, Jerry, keep it up." "Perhaps you can truly distract the Judge from the fact that when fourth graders feel pressured to wear belly skimming shirts and low riding jeans, it's often the first step in a depressing cycle of preadolescent and teenage dysfunction that can compromise" "both their mental and physical health." "But what the hell?" "The dolls sell!" "I think these dolls are despicable." "But drawing the line here would strike me as arbitrary." "I mean, what's new?" "Twenty-five years ago Madonna rode her sexual, raunchy, promiscuity to iconic status." "The country, and I believe feminism, celebrated her." "Paris Hilton might have intercourse on the internet, but our most prominent actresses routinely simulate" "sex acts on seventy millimeter at a theatre near you." "Sometimes they get Oscars for it." "I suppose you could draw the line with these dolls, but how about the clothing stores that sell sweat pants with "Juicy" on the butts?" "What about the t-shirts that say, "Do me"?" "What about the sexually explicit music videos and television shows that target the tweens." "And if we really wanna crack down on the sexualization of our minors, we might consider their role models." "Our female CEOs and lawyers and doctors, women of real power who routinely get boob jobs just to feel better about themselves." "And what about the mothers, many of whom wear the low-cut jeans and the midriffs?" "How dare he?" "Are you a parent, Mr. Espenson?" "No, Your Honor." "It is my most profound hope that one day I shall be." "Do you think that you would stand before me as a father of a young girl and say that these dolls don't trouble you?" "No." "They bother me now." "But it's nothing new." "We're always gonna worry about our kids, thinking in today's world they've got no chance." "But the reality is, Your Honor, rates of teenage drinking, smoking and drug use are declining." "Teen pregnancy rates are down thirty-five percent from 1990, many teens are abstaining from sex." "And most see Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan for exactly what they are." "Young woman now earn fifty-seven percent of all Bachelor's degrees, fifty-nine percent of all Master's degrees." "Congress now has ninety female members, including the Speaker of the House." "I don't think we're doomed, just yet." "And should doom ever come," "I doubt very much it will be brought about by a doll." "Shirley." "What's going on?" "What are all the managing partners doing in there?" "We're about to have a meeting." "Why wasn't I notified?" "Because you're not invited." "But I have a right to be in there." "And don't tell me this doesn't involve me." "I'm a named partner!" "It very much involves you, Denny, and you're not invited." "Alright." "What?" "Shirley." "It's time." "This will be a media storm we won't weather." "I'm meeting with the press this afternoon." "It can't wait." "Denny needs to be removed now!" "Or..." "All in favor of Denny being removed say, "Aye." Show of hands." "The 'Nays' have it." "What the..." "Do you see what's going on out there?" "Has it started?" "No." "But it's a circus." "Brad, can I talk to you for a second?" "Oh, oh." "Uhm." "Do you think it's safe for me to go out there?" "Denny, unless you have a good disguise, I'm going to guess, no!" "But they'll be talking about me." "So, what do you wanna talk about?" "Um." "I have occasioned myself to ask whether I really love you." "Deeply enough to marry you." "More simply put, "Would I marry you if we weren't having a child together?"" "Part of it may be because I have a tendency to look at you through other people's eyes and see you as this giant goofhead." "But when I look at you through my eyes only, and my heart, I realize..." "I do love you!" "Quite deeply." "And I can't wait to be your wife." "That's all I wanna say." "That is the best thing that anyone has ever said to me in my entire life." "Including my Gunnery Sargent, all my Little League coaches..." "Just.." "My name is Shirley Schmidt," "I'm a senior partner at Crane, Poole and Schmidt, thank you all for coming." "It's nice to see you'll turn out when there's hard news." "Yesterday my partner, Denny Crane, made some regrettable statements, the most offensive being when he told an" "African-American law student that he didn't sound black." "I know Denny Crane." "He is not a bigot." "When he used the word 'articulate', as I suspect Joe Biden used it, as I suspect our President used it, what he was attempting to convey was that he thought Mr. Givens would play well with white corporate America." "The simple but ugly truth is we all look for that." "Perhaps unconsciously, perhaps not, but we do." "We have a primarily white client base." "We hire associates we feel will best appeal to that base." "Before you point your finger at us" "I would invite the media to look at its own industry." "Consider the criteria by which you choose your anchors." "Denny Crane's statement speaks not to his own racism but to a much more insidious one that exists in a white collar society that prefers to take its blacks as it takes its coffee, with a little cream and sugar." "I'm not proud of it." "But until we confront that truth, we will not change it." "Thank you all for coming." "I hate the dolls." "But do they offend the sensibilities of our society?" "One that broadcasts reality shows about trading wives." "One where the average child hears about erectile dysfunction before he's heard of Christopher Columbus." "Your Honor." "This ruling is not going at all well, so far." "One can only assume this preamble is a misdirect to add suspense to your ultimate decision which I know will be more just." "You lose, Counsel." "But I do hope you won't let your professional discomfiture with me affect your personal feelings." "I'll try not to." "Motion to dismiss, granted." "I'm sorry, Kaye." "You knew this was most likely a loser, but..." "You tried." "And I thank you for that." "If it's any consolation, children are still the most influenced by their parents, and your daughter seems to be in very good hands there." "Thank you.." "Jerry." "I must tell you, that man with the wooden cigarette in his mouth was brilliant." "He might alienate a few juries along the way." "The man who gave the closing, however, is perhaps one of the finest lawyers I've ever been up against." "Thank you." "And for what it's worth, the man who gave the closing," "I miss him, terribly." "If you could see your way past..." "Okay." "Just like that?" "Okay." "I miss you, Alan." "So, he took you back?" "I suppose you'll be going over to his place for a sleepover tonight?" "Denny!" "And he beat you?" "He did." "What's that like?" "To lose?" "You almost lost in a very big way today, my friend." "Oh, you should have seen Shirley." "If anybody wonders how she got to be Shirley Schmidt, the evidence was on full display today." "She was as strong and as powerful and as dignified as any woman I've ever seen." "Made me wanna flip her on her back and have sex with her." "Do you think you're a racist Denny?" "Oh... nah, I..." "I don't know." "Do you think it's racist to say a man sounds black?" "I think it's more offensive to say, 'street' or 'urban', when the inference is you mean 'black'." "So, what do you say?" "Well, Barack Obama referred to the black sound as a black idiom, more like jazz and less like a set score." "They let him get away with that?" "Evidently." "I might vote for him, you know." "Obama?" ""Anybody in America can grow up to be president!"" "That's what I say." "Except Hillary!" "She wins, I puke." "Barack Obama." "Ah." "Handsome." "Great photo-op." "But I don't know what he stands for." "Be a perfect president." "He speaks perfect white, as well as black." "You never heard me say that." "What about McCain?" "He speaks Bush now." "Can't win." "Obama is against the war now, you know." "So am I. It's boring." "I'm ready for a new war." "Time to blow up Iran." "They got Sadam." "Now we gotta get uh..." "Amina Douchebag." "And that nut job in North Korea, they both gotta go." "And not because they're not white." "Okay." "Denny, does it bother you at all that America is so hated by the rest of the world these days?" "Well, of course it does, Alan." "Just can't please everybody." "Better to just..." "Blow them up." "Exactly." "And not because they're not white." "No."