"(GIRL SCREAMING)" "What is that doing on my cake?" "(CROWD GASPING)" "WOMAN:" "Oh!" "Griffin." "Yeah, this could be a problem." "It will be mine." "(GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)" "Go, guys, go!" "Not a chance, baldy!" "(GRUNTS)" "Go." "Oh, and it was such a nice wedding." "(GROANS)" "(CROWD GASPING)" "(YELLING) (GASPING)" "GRIFFIN:" "Okay, I bet you're wondering, "What's going on here?" ""Who's the guy with the bad haircut?" ""And why is he not wearing pants?"" "Ouch." ""Who's that cute girl?" ""Can you get her number?"" "Clue." "You can't." ""And who are those two?"" "Most importantly, you're probably wondering, who am I?" "Well, I can answer that." "I'm Griffin Bing." "Okay, you know what?" "Let's go back to the beginning." "(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)" "Morning, ladies." "(GIRLS LAUGHING)" "Griffin, did you get the chemistry test answers?" "(GASPING) By GPA is saved." "Oh!" "You are welcome, Kirsten." "Griffin, tell me you got the Carver High's playbook." "Dude, the whole team owes you." "Whoo!" "Go, Eagles!" "Yo, Griffin, did you score Final Annihilation 4?" "Of course." "Unreal." "This game doesn't even drop till September." "So, Griffin, did you talk to Amanda Benson?" "Will she go out with me?" ""No" to both questions." "(GROANS) What do you want, Griffin?" "I've got collectibles, comic books, action figures." "They're worth a lot." "Look, Eddie." "I love your geek..." "Chic thing." "Uh, but check Amanda." "GRIFFIN:" "Second prettiest girl in school." "I'm talented." "I'm connected." "But I'm not a miracle worker." "Griffin!" "Griffin!" "See my play." "Ugh, it's horrible." "I was on my way to drama class where I'm rehearsing my original one woman play," "A Fresh Perspective on a Freshman's Pain, which I think is both provocative and reassuring, even if those are somewhat contradictory..." "Wait, Savannah." "Like..." "What?" "Point?" "Uh..." "My point was..." "Ben." "He spilled his smoothie all over Darren Vader." "GRIFFIN:" "Oh, no." "Griffin." "Not now." "Later, then." "(TRICKLING)" "BEN:" "Look, Darren, I didn't see you there." "But in all fairness, there are two victims here." "I mean..." "I am out one raspberry mango smoothie, right?" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah, yeah." "And you're also out of luck." "(WHIMPERS)" "Come on." "(BANGING)" "Darren." "Stop." "I got that stuff you were looking for." "BEN: (MUFFLED) Yeah, he got it." "The real stuff?" "Yeah." "So let's say you leave my friend alone, okay?" "Nice." "(CHUCKLES)" "Hey, Darren." "(BANGING)" "You okay?" "(SIGHING) Mostly." "All I've lost is my dignity." "Ah, Ben." "You weren't using that anyway." "(SLURPING)" "Dude, Montana stinks." "It's in a different time zone." "We can chat online." "Really?" "You'll be talking about people I don't even know." "Ben, hey, Ben!" "Good news, Ben." "We may not have to move to Montana and live with your uncle Grover after all." "You got a job?" "No." "I've got this new invention." "Check this out." "I call it the "iGot It."" "With a lowercase "i."" "I got it." "Trendy..." "Ish." "Okay, imagine I'm a lazy couch potato wallowing in pork rinds and failure, sitting here in my boxers." "I'd rather not, Mr. Dupree." "What he said." "And I realize, "Hey, my drink's way over there."" "(BEEPING) (ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)" "Can retrieved." "(CHUCKLES)" "Want the lights on?" "(BEEPING) Bang!" "(ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)" "Let there be light!" "(GASPS)" "Hey, where's the remote?" "MR. DUPREE:" "Bam!" "(ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)" "(GASPS)" "Why, it's in your hand, man." "That's where." "Thank you, igot It." "Actually, you know, that's not bad, Dad." "You see?" "I told you one of these inventions would pay off one day, or should I say Saturday." "When I enter the Snake Pit?" "Snake Pit, the TV show?" "Yeah, three minutes to pitch your product." "The best one gets, like, a whole mound of cash." "Right!" "Now, I've scratched together the $300 for the entry fee." "Now all I have to do is..." "(BEEPING)" "(CLATTERING)" "Oh." "Oops." "Decided to do a little remodeling?" "It's just a few bugs in the iGot It." "And what's this gonna cost to fix?" "I'm guessing about..." "Three hundred dollars." "(GROANS)" "So long, Snake Pit." "Hello, Montana." "Would you two sweep this up?" "The master inventor and I need to make yet another emergency trip to the hardware store before we show the house to the realtor tomorrow." "(CLATTERING)" "What the..." "What's this?" "Um, must have belonged to whoever used to live here." "It belongs to you now." ""Honus Wagner."" "(SCOFFS) Nice haircut." "Baseball card?" "Yeah." "An old one." "Might even be worth something." "Well, how much?" "At least $300." "Come on, I know a place we can go, but it closes at 6:00." "Hey, we should look it up first." "No time, come on." "Trust me." "SWINDELL:" "No, a deal is a deal!" "You back out on this, and I will sue." "I will take you for every last dime." "I will squeeze every penny out of your pathetic..." "Oh, customers." "Got to go, Grandma." "(SIGHS)" "Gentlemen, what can I interest you in today?" "Actually, we were hoping to interest you in something, Mr. Swindle." "Ah, it's "Swindell." Accent on the back half." "All right, what do you got?" "Is it worth anything?" "Uh, well, uh, it's old, huh?" "You know, it's good condition." "No creases or folds or frays." "But, you know, that doesn't necessarily translate to value." "You understand." "I mean, who's ever heard of this "Honus Wagner?"" "I'm sorry, but this card isn't worth beans." "But, look!" "Uh..." "Aw, man, I like you kids." "I'd hate to see you go home empty handed." "How about I take it off your hands for, say..." "Ten bucks?" "How's that sound?" "(CHUCKLING) It sounds like you think we're stupid, Mr. Swindell." "Sorry to waste your time." "Oh, okay, okay, okay." "(SWINDELL CHUCKLING) Okay, you got me, yeah, yeah, yeah." "You got me." "Yeah, it's worth more than that." "Um, look, $100." "I'll give you $100 for it." "Ooh, is that the best you can do?" "Look, kid." "A hundred is generous." "Oh, yeah, Griffin, generous." "Three fifty, no less." "No less?" "Ah, no way." "Fine, bye." "(STUTTERING) Okay." "One fifty." "Four hundred." "What are you doing?" "Two seventy five, not a penny more." "Four fifty, not a penny less." "What's your name, kid?" "Bing, Griffin Bing." "Griffin." "I like your moxie, huh." "Reminds me of a young me." "(CHUCKLING) All right, okay, you win." "Three fifty, take it or leave it." "Take it." "Ah." "(CHUCKLES)" "Three hundred and fifty dollars." "Dude, you were like a negotiating ninja." "You were all slash, slash, slash." "And he was all, "Ah, take my money."" "(CHUCKLING) Well, thank you very much." "Look, my dad gets to go the Snake Pit, sell his invention, and we don't have to leave our home." "Hey, are there any Pop Strudels left?" "Oh, no." "No, no, no." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." "(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)" "Ben, Ben, Ben!" "Ben!" "Ben, whatever you do, don't read the paper or..." "MAN: (ON TV) So you had the good fortune to come across it." "Turn on the TV." "MAN: (ON TV) There are only five known Honus Wagners." "SWINDELL:" "Oh, it's pronounced "Honus." And this makes it six now." "MAN: (ON TV) Thank you for that." "So what is it worth?" "An estimated $1.2 million at least." "(SWINDELL CHUCKLES) MAN: (ON TV) How does one find a buyer?" "Oh, I'll have no trouble finding a buyer." "I mean, collectors will be lined up for this." "I mean, the phone's gonna be ringing off the hook." "You know, so..." "You know, give me a ring." "Give me a call." "$1.2 million?" "Okay, Ben, I admit it." "He got me, okay?" "I..." "I should have seen it coming, and I didn't." "He's good." "I'll give him that." "$1.2 million?" "Yeah, I know." "I was a little off." "$1.2 million." "Okay, Ben, Ben, listen to me." "Okay, I will get you that card back." "I promise." "I will get you that card, and you will sell it, and your toes will never touch Montana grass." "Okay, Ben?" "Are those silk?" "Yeah." "I like the way they breathe." "Nice." "Thanks." "(BELLS JINGLING)" "You ripped us off." "(CHUCKLING) Oh, you two." "Look, unless you've discovered another priceless collectible, beat it." "Give me my card back." "Oh, no, no, no, you mean my card." "See, you sold it to me." "I paid for it." "That makes it my card, free and clear." "See how that works?" "Well, you lied to us." "Yeah, we'll go to the cops." "And tell 'em what?" "I mean, what law did I break?" "It's not my fault you didn't know the value of your card." "I mean, you ever hear of the Internet?" "I'm sorry." "But this isn't fair." "Uh-huh, face it, dude." "You got swindled." "(CHUCKLING)" "Ah, don't feel bad." "Ah, I'll tell you what." "Have a mint." "(CHUCKLING)" "$1.2 million." "Oh, it tastes like failure." "I will find a way to make this better, Ben." "Shh, can't get any worse." "(HAMMER POUNDING)" "Mom?" "Wait." "Mom, no." "Mom, no...don't send us to Montana, not yet." "What about the iGot It?" "Dad can still save us." "(LOUD CRASH)" "DAD:" "Whoops." "You all right?" "DAD:" "Just a few bugs to work out before Saturday." "(SIGHS)" "I'm sorry, baby." "Let's not get our hopes up." "We have to steal the card back." "Whoa, steal the card?" ""Back."" "That's an important word you're leaving out there." "We're just righting a wrong." "Oh, well, the police still call that stealing." "We can't pull this off alone." "We'll need help." "(DRAMATIC JAZZY MUSIC)" "Why is it they call me freshman when I am neither fresh nor man?" "Nay, I am more than..." "You're kidding, right?" "Stale bread in a torn lunch bag or gum stuck to the bottom of a worn shoe." "Okay, yes, Savannah's material is a bit, you know, inaccessible, but she's got it where it counts." "Ah!" "(CLATTERING)" "Besides, she owes me." "(ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC)" "Hey, buddy!" "You're taking up two spots." "Sorry." "I don't want to get any dings, especially from that garbage truck you're driving." "(SIGHS)" "Move your car." "Or what?" "Ha, okay, all right." "(NECK CRACKS)" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "Whoa." "Hey." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "Whoa." "Yeah." "That just happened." "(TIRES SQUEALING)" "(SLURPING)" "No, absolutely not." "In the fifth grade, Darren killed a kid just by looking at him." "Not true, but you prove my point." "Darren's tough, intimidating, and, most importantly, has his own ride." "Besides, he owes me." "(DRAMATIC JAZZY MUSIC)" "Fine, but I get to pick the next team member." "ALL:" "Go, Eagles, go." "Go, Eagles, go." "Go, Eagles, go." "Amanda Benson?" "Really?" "Other than being the second prettiest girl in school..." "Which you cannot dismiss." "What can she bring to the party?" "ALL:" "Go, Eagles, go." "Eagles, go." "How about that?" "That could be useful." "Go, Eagles!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah, whoo!" "And she does owe me." "Griffin Bing." "Is it later yet?" "I've been a little busy." "You're always busy." "But I want in." "In?" "(CHUCKLES) Into what?" "Into whatever you're planning." "(SCOFFS) I'm not planning anything." "Of course you are." "You're always planning something." "She's right." "You are..." "Ben." "Sorry." "I can help." "I've got skills you can use." "You need me." "(CHUCKLES) I doubt that." "Later." "So we've got our team." "And we're gonna get them to do this how?" "Ben, please." "No one can deny me." "Nope." "Whoa, wait." "Where are you going?" "Listen, I don't want to speak for these refugees from the island of misfit losers, no offense..." "But this sounds a lot like something the cops call stealing." "I told you." "Uh, sorry, Griffin, but I can have no part in criminal mischief." "Yep, that's what my parole officer says." "Stop." "Just..." "Come back and hear me out for a second, okay?" "Ben is the only person who doesn't want anything from me but friendship." "He's my best friend..." "My only friend..." "And I let him down, big-time, so I need to get that card back." "We need to get that card back." "Nope." "Okay, we'll do it this way." "Savannah, who got you that Pita King commercial last fall?" "That was you, Griffin." "Right, oh, and by the way, you make a very convincing kebab." "Oh, with the chicken..." "Thank you so much." "Thank you." "And, Amanda, last year, you were the third prettiest girl in school, that is, until Megan Wright's father was mysteriously transferred to Denver." "You said you..." "You did that?" "No comment." "(SCOFFS)" "And how about you, Darren?" "You want to keep that supply of Latvian hair cream coming?" "Latvian hair cream?" "Okay, all right, Latvia..." "Yeah, Latvia makes the world's best hair cream." "All right, nothing else comes close." "(CHUCKLES)" "Mmm-mmm." "What?" "I like to pamper myself." "Huh." "(MOUTHING WORDS)" "Face it, you all owe me big." "(SIGHS)" "Still nope." "25,000." "25,000 what?" "Dollars." "After we sell the card, I will pay you..." "ALL:" "In." "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "All right." "Pound it, team." "Pound it." "Fine." "(DRAMATIC JAZZY MUSIC)" "So, uh, when we doing this?" "How's tonight?" "GRIFFIN:" "We've been watching Swindell." "Every night at 6:00 sharp, he closes his shop and steps out for dinner." "Wong's Chinese Garden, "Best mu-shu in town."" "GRIFFIN:" "More importantly, every night, he sets the alarm." "Once it's armed... (ELECTRONIC VOICE) Alarm sequence activated." "You may exit now." "GRIFFIN:" "We have 30 seconds to turn it off." "Then it takes Swindell exactly seven minutes to get his food and come back." "We are go." "All right, Darren, Amanda, heave-ho." "Aim me right." "I don't want to be a stain on the wall." "Stop whining, all right?" "You're not the first person I've thrown." "(SIGHS)" "(BOTH GRUNTING)" "(GASPING)" "Whoa." "(NECK CRACKS) Huh." "Oh, 18 seconds." "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "Ew." "It looks 1973 died in here." "(ELECTRONIC VOICE) You have five seconds to exit." "Five, four, three, two, one." "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "System disarmed." "I mean, yes, Donna Hernandez is "technically prettier,"" "but could Donna Hernandez have flipped up onto that roof like that?" "(SCOFFS) I'd say no." "We are disarmed." "Awesome." "Darren, Savannah, you know what to do." "Buy us some time." "Oh, Griffin, this next performance shall be my finest, for I shall be thrust onto the greatest of stages..." "Floor it, please." "On it." "Reality, where you never know what's coming." "What is... (TIRES SCREECHING)" "SAVANNAH:" "That's okay." "I'm gonna be fine." "I'm..." "I'm still ready." "I'm still ready to go." "(HORN HONKING)" "Let's move." "This way to Mr. Wagner." "It's not in there." "Oh, no." "It's not in the case." "But it's got to be here somewhere." "Start looking." "(SIGHS)" "Come on, come on, come on, come on." "(GROANS)" "It's not in here." "Check the register." "Yeah, I'm on it." "(BEEPS)" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "Me, me, me, me, me." "Total, ha, ha, ha." "Ts-ts-ts." "(SINGSONG) Oh, wah!" "What are you doing?" "I'm warming up." "You should too." "I need you to support my performance." "Wait." "What?" "(ENGINE REVVING)" "(GONG RINGS)" "(HORN HONKS)" "Hey!" "I got mu-shu here!" "Get out of the road!" "This is Bevie Montague for Channel 3 with another "Focus on You."" "Sir." "Sir." "(SIGHS)" "Oh, sir, what do you think are the biggest problems plaguing society today?" "(SIGHS) Too many TV news channels." "(GASPS)" "(CHUCKLES)" "So, Savannah, yeah, you still warmed up?" "Huh?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Come on." "Huh, come on." "Be here." "(CLATTERING)" "Ah!" "Ben?" "(BEN GROANS)" "Ben, speak to me, buddy." "Seriously, who would buy this?" "Okay, to be a believable character, you need a believable motivation." "Have you found yours?" "Yeah, I'm hungry." "(GASPS)" "(GRUNTING)" "(MUFFLED VOICE) Give me the mu-shu." "What?" "(MUFFLED VOICE) Give me the mu-shu." "I don't know what you're saying." "Dude, I..." "I said give me the mu-shu." "Oh!" "Yeah." "I don't think so." "(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)" "(GROANING)" "(MOANS)" "Never get between a man and his mu-shu." "(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) (GROANING)" "Okay, good start." "I've got a few notes." "(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)" "(STUTTERS) Shut..." "Shut up." "Shut up." "Ah, shut up." "All right, I'll give you a moment." "It's fine." "It's fine." "Time for plan "C."" "Can somebody help me?" "Help, please, anybody." "Anyone, anyone..." "Is somebody there?" "No." "Oh, there is someone there." "Where are you?" "I'm speaking to you, young man." "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, sis." "It's just, I got takeout." "You understand." "Oh, save your excuses!" "I need someone to wheel me to St. Agatha's of the Righteous and Redeemed." "(MUTTERS)" "Young man, I am waiting." "Ow!" "Hey!" "Okay, okay." "Thank you." "I got a bad feeling about this." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(SIGHS)" "(DOOR OPENS) (GASPS)" "You scared me." "I thought you were a burglar." "Uh, I am a burglar, and so are you." "We're all burglars." "Wait." "Darren, what are you doing?" "You're supposed to be on distraction duty." "Yeah, I know." "I know." "But Swindell's close, and actor girl, yeah, she's sucking wind." "Okay, we got to hurry." "BEN:" "We've got to find it!" "What am I supposed to do?" "We can't find the card." "Okay." "Look!" "SAVANNAH:" "Oh, this is perfect." "Thank you for wheeling me here." "Now I can go visit my sisters in the convent, and I can see... (GASPS)" "Um..." "Young man," "I'm not certain this is the proper route to the convent." "Oh, sure it is, sis." "I'll just point you in the right direction and let gravity do the rest." "See you, sis!" "(YELLING)" "(HORN HONKING)" "Pray for me!" "He's close." "Let's go." "Fate, you've pantsed me again!" "Ben." "(DOOR CLICKS AND CREAKS)" "Found it." "(GASPING)" "(GASPS)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Nice Honus." "(KEYS JINGLING)" "Down." "(GASPS)" "(BELLS JINGLING) (DOOR CREAKING)" "(LOCKS CLICKING)" "Oh, great." "Ugh, it's cold." "Did I forget to set the alarm?" "(MUMBLING) I always set the alarm." "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "(ELECTRONIC VOICE) Alarm sequence activated." "(WHEEL CLICKING)" "(MOUTHING)" "(MOUTHING)" "(RATTLING)" "(ELECTRONIC CHIRPING)" "Yello, Swindell's Collectibles." "Bonjour, Monsieur Swindle." ""Swindell." Accent on the back half." "FRENCH MAN:" "Yes, of course, Monsieur Swindell." "I understand you recently acquired the Honus Wagner baseball card." "Yeah." "It's worth a fortune and a half." "You interested?" "(LAUGHING) Oh, for myself, no." "But my clients might be." "Oh." "They are very rich." "(LAUGHS)" "I am Anton Lefevre." "Uh-huh." "And I run the greatest auction in the world." "Anton Lefavor?" "The Anton Lefavor?" "Oh. (CLEARS THROAT) You've heard of me." "Yeah, so has every..." "Whoa, nose!" "I mean, knows..." "Knows." "Yeah, everyone in collectibles knows you." "I mean, it's been my dream to sell my stuff at your auction." "(SIGHS)" "ANTON:" "Well, then, I am very happy to extend to you an invitation." "(WHISPERS) The alarm." "This year's auction is being held at the Lakeshore Hotel resort." "Can you be there this Saturday?" "(CHUCKLES) You kidding me?" "Security can't keep me away." "Selling your card at my auction will make you a very rich man." "(STAMMERS) Let me write this down." "(WHISPERING) How do we get out of here?" "(WHISPERING) We can't, not while the alarm is on." "That's Lakeshore Hotel, huh?" "This Saturday." "Oui." "(ELECTRONIC VOICE) System disarmed." "Pardonnez-moi, Monsieur Swindell?" "Uh, oh, that's just my stupid alarm acting up." "No..." "No big deal." "(ANTON LAUGHS)" "ANTON:" "Of course, the alarms, right." "(WHISPERING) What are you doing?" "Well, au revoir, Monsieur Swindell." "I look forward to meeting you... (WHISPERS) Come on." "(WHISPERS) What are you doing?" "(WHISPERING) Explanations later." "Go." "Right back at you, Mr. Lefaver." "Move." "(MOUSE CLICKS)" "(DOOR CLICKS)" "That was so close." "Who turned off that alarm?" "No idea." "I did it." "(SIGHS)" "You saved us?" "You hacked into the security system?" "A little kid?" "Swindell's security system is a joke, binary regressive code." "Hacking that was child's play." "I told you I could help." "Thank you." "But you're not joining us." "I'll tell Mom and Dad." "Wait." "Wait." "Oh, she's your sister." "Okay, you're in." "Yes." "SAVANNAH:" "Guys!" "Oh, you guys, Swindell is on his way." "He's coming from the... (CHUCKLES)" "You already knew that, right?" "Yeah." "You had the card in your hand, Griffin, and then you put it back?" "Yeah, man, hey, why are we going through all this trouble if you're just gonna choke?" "I had a better idea." "Swindell would've known exactly who took it." "There's no way you could sell it to anybody anywhere." "(ENGINE STARTING)" "GRIFFIN:" "We need to get Swindell to give us the card, free and clear." "If we can do that, then..." "Then we've pulled off the ultimate swindle." "Okay, dude, Swindell's not just gonna fork over the Honus out of the goodness of his heart." "It would seem most out of character." "What she said." "Okay, look." "He's going to do it." "It's all going to happen at the Lakeshore Hotel this Saturday." "How?" "Ben, trust me." "So, what's next?" "I have a new plan." "Amanda, we are gonna need you." "To make this plan work, we're gonna need something special, and I know just where to get it." "(DOORBELL RINGS)" "I can't believe I'm doing this." "Be strong." "(HINGES CREAKING)" "(GASPS)" "(SHATTERS)" "(SIGHS) Hey, Eddie." "(EDDIE STUTTERING)" "You..." "You're Amanda Benson." "The Amanda Benson." "Yeah." "This is unreal." "It's like I'm in The Matrix." "Unreal is right." "Amanda would never crush on a geek." "And yet, you harbor a not-so-secret crush on her, yes?" "And your point is?" "(CHUCKLES)" "AMANDA:" "Hey, Eddie, can I come in?" "Absolutely." "Thanks." "(GRUNTING)" "Okay, all right, wake me up when it's time to motor." "(SIGHS)" "Or we could make use of this time to review some basic acting techniques." "Oh, okay, yeah, totally." "Uh, this is my "I don't care what you're saying" face." "Is it convincing?" "Okay, then, you do that." "Submitted for your approval. (CHUCKLES)" "Welcome to my man cave." "Huh?" "Wow." "Geek heaven." "GRIFFIN:" "Excellent." "GRIFFIN:" "Now find something small, rare, and valuable." "I'm trying." "Pardon?" "I..." "I'm trying to..." "To take it all in." "Well, let me impress." "Check out my authentic Klingon bat'leth." "Worf himself held this." "Oh, wow." "(GRUNTS)" "(SPEAKING KLINGON) Okay." "(SPEAKING KLINGON) It's..." "That's..." "Is that Klingon?" "(SPEAKING KLINGON) (SHRIEKS AND GRUNTS)" "(FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (YELLING)" "EDDIE:" "Oh, sorry." "Amanda, did I hurt you?" "Are you okay?" "Amanda?" "(GRUNTS)" "Jeez, did I break your glasses?" "No, no." "I don't think they're broken, are they?" "Are they?" "Look okay to me." "Amanda, we can hear you." "Can you hear us?" "AMANDA:" "I think they might be broken." "Speak to me." "Um, I am speaking to you." "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "The earpiece isn't working." "She's completely cut off from us." "SAVANNAH:" "Ugh." "Come on, come on." "Work!" "Amanda, are you okay?" "Um." "Yeah." "(SIGHS) I'm fine." "(SIGHS)" "AMANDA:" "Hey, Eddie, since we're alone and nobody can see us," "I have something to confess to you that you can never, ever tell anybody, okay?" "MELISSA:" "Zooming in." "I love..." "Me?" "No." "Ew." "(SCOFFS)" "No, I love your collection!" "You've got it all." "Are you kidding?" "Star Phase Metal Jacket." "Oh, Cosmic Dan number 26 where they introduce The Stranger?" "Yeah." "(CHUCKLES)" "(GASPS)" "Ben Kenobi and Darth Vader in their epic showdown." "Wow." "Amazing." "(GASPS)" "Are these real Star Trek uniforms?" "Actor-worn, original series." "And Griffin Bing said you wouldn't care about this stuff." "What a dorkasaurus he is." "(SNORTS) (LAUGHS)" "That's some hefty geekiness Amanda's sporting." "(CHUCKLES)" "We got scammed." "What?" "Amanda Benson is a secret geek." "(CHUCKLES)" "No way." "A red-haired Captain Cybertor." "Yeah." "The blues are a dime a dozen, but the reds are an ultra-rare variant." "Yeah, a factory mistake." "Most were destroyed before they were released to the general public." "Yeah, but a handful slipped out, super rare." "A red-haired Captain Cybertor in mint condition, it's worth..." "BOTH: $80,000." "She is so hot." "So hot." "Just breathe, Ben, breathe." "(BOTH BREATHING DEEPLY)" "Um, Eddie..." "Careful." "I have to borrow this." "It's just for a few days, and I promise it'll come back without a red hair out of place." "Please?" "I promise." "I promise." "Just say yes." "Okay, but you have to promise me one thing first." "(SIGHS) Well, guess who has a date with the nerd king." "(CHUCKLES)" "(EDDIE SINGSONG) I got a date with Amanda Benson." "What?" "We saw everything." "The glasses stopped receiving, but they never stopped transmitting." "(SINGSONG) I got a date with Amanda Benson." "I got a date with Amanda Benson." "Oh, yeah, oh, yeah." "I rule, yeah!" "(GROANS) (CHUCKLES)" "It's like Donna Hernandez doesn't even exist." "And the second prettiest girl in school is actually a complete..." "Do not use the "G" word!" "Okay, when I moved here three years ago," "I worked hard to remake myself." "I will not go back to being Mandy the mutant." "KIDS: (CHANTING) Mandy the mutant!" "Mandy the mutant!" "Mandy the mutant!" "(LAUGHS)" "Mandy the mutant, okay." "Oh, shut up!" "If any of you breathes a word of this to anybody," "I will hurt you in ways that haven't even been invented yet." "Oh." "So hot." "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "GRIFFIN:" "Okay, we have a lot to do to get ready." "We know our target." "The Internet is filled with stories about this guy." "From nice old ladies to puppies, he's robbed them all." "SAVANNAH:" "Uh, Griffin, how do you rob a puppy?" "GRIFFIN:" "He found a way." "Look, the point is, he is a bad guy, and it's time someone took him down." "Once and for all." "(SPARKS CRACKLING)" "Nope." "Hmm?" "Mmm, better." "Uh-huh!" "Bull's-eye." "Okay, now this might be hard to get used to." "Just take your time." "Relax." "Focus." "Uh-huh." "Just think of what you're doing." "Whoo!" "Okay, that's good." "Why didn't you tell me how easy this was gonna be?" "Yeah, hmm." "AMANDA:" "This is so fun!" "Well, that's beginner's luck, though." "Hello, Lakeshore Hotel?" "Book me your finest room." "How much?" "How about your second finest room?" "Yeah." "That's..." "Okay, that's a lot of backflips." "(SQUEALS)" "You seem like you have the hang of this." "So I'm going to go." "I need this." "Ha!" "No, you don't." "Oh, yes, I do." "Darren, are you ready to embrace acting?" "Ah, you mean pretending." "It's a lot more than that." "Okay." "A lot more, okay, you got it?" "Okay." "Ready?" "Yeah." "I'm a bird." "What am I now?" "You're holding your arm up in the air." "No." "But it's a tree." "Feel the emotions, though." "Uh, what do you want me to..." "I'm big." "Uh, I'm tiny." "I'm sad." "You're a dork." "(HOLLERING)" "(GRUNTING)" "Oh, what are you doing?" "Blowing my mind is what you're doing." "Southern, southern accent." "Oh, we're southern, some cheese puffs." "Chubbin'." "Cha!" "Chubbin'." "Chubbin'." "Are you..." "Are you okay?" "(SOBBING) No!" "I'm sad." "(BOTH GRUNTING)" "I'm angry!" "Okay." "I'm so mad!" "Yeah, I'm so mad!" "I'm so mad!" "Oh, we're shy." "Oh, be shy." "(GASPS)" "Shy." "Your shy is amazing." "I did it." "Your shy is fantastic." "What?" "It makes who you are." "It makes you vulnerable." "That just happened right there." "That just happened." "I felt that." "(SLURPING)" "Okay, we're ready." "Let's swindle a swindler." "Wow." "Yeah, "wow" is the word." "(LAUGHING)" "What a beautiful ride from the country, huh?" "Nature is so chic." "Ha!" "Allons-y!" "(GASPS)" "Mr. Lefevre has exquisite taste." "Panic attack." "Let's go." "Darren." "On it." "Guys, look, this is nuts." "We can't pull this off." "You guys roll out." "Ben, we got this, okay?" "Trust me." "Melissa and Savannah will secure our home base." "(INDISTINCT CHATTER)" "This hotel is stupid easy to hack." "Hello!" "Firewall, anybody?" "Okay, duplicate reservation." "Downgrade." "And give me an "A."" "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "Upgrade." "And done." "Paula Swindell." "My daddy booked me a room here." "Yes, Miss Swindell." "Uh, "Swindle," accent on the front half." "My apologies, Miss Swindle." "Yes, I've got you in the ultra-deluxe crown suite." "Oh, "only the best for my baby."" "That's what daddy always says." "Keep it on his card." "Okay." "(SLURPING)" "See, Ben, everything's gonna be fine." "No one knows us here." "Except for my dad." "(GRUNTS)" "DAD:" "A laser hedge trimmer." "Wow." "The Snake Pit's really gonna love that one." "Now, I call mine the iGot It." "(GLASS SHATTERING) (PEOPLE SHOUTING)" "(GLASS SHATTERS)" "Of course, this is just a prototype." "Uh, it still has a few bugs..." "The production models won't be quite so sensitive." "Oh. (LAUGHS)" "Don't touch anything." "Don't touch anything." "Call maintenance, okay?" "Get someone..." "Get 'em on the phone." "That..." "That was me." "Did..." "Did I do that?" "Yes, I think you did." "Look, Griffin." "We haven't even started, and it's already not fine." "The Snake Pit is here." "My dad is here." "Look..." "I'm going home." "Uh-uh." "No, you're not, 'cause if you go home, home will be Uncle Grover's barn in Montana." "You need that card, Ben." "All right, your family, they need that money, 'cause tough truth time, your dad's not gonna sell the iGot It." "I just have to work out a few bugs." "Okay, it'll be fine." "He still can." "He's just got to work out a few bugs." "DARREN:" "Hey, guys." "Watch this." "Pull me." "Yeah, that's right." "Ugh, I can't..." "I can't..." "Ugh." "(SIGHS)" "This place is bigger than my house." "Yeah, it must cost a fortune." "Oh, that's mine." "Thank you." "Here you go." "GRIFFIN:" "It does, and if you listen carefully, you can hear the whimper of Swindell's credit card." "(CLICKS TONGUE) Thank you." "Hey, guys, guys, TV in the bathroom." "You can totally watch a game while you're taking a massive..." "Please don't say it." "No, bath, bath." "I was gonna say bath." "Ugh, hon, hon, daddy's on a strict stinky cheese and raw squid diet." "I know." "Don't get me started." "The doctor calls it holistic." "I call it horrific." "Anyway, just send that down as soon as he checks in and charge it to the room." "Thanks, doll." "Was I loathsome enough?" "You made me hate you." "You're so sweet." "Hey, Griffin, can we talk about your plan?" "You still think it's crazy." "Well, yes, and..." "And you're afraid you're gonna mess it up." "Well, yes." "Ben, your job is key, and you're gonna do fine, okay?" "Can you trust me?" "I know, and I do." "It's just, a lot's riding on this, and nothing's more important to me right now... (GASPS) The Shield of Barradon!" "From Star Smash 2, Evil Strikes Again?" "Yeah, they're auctioning it off here today, and I..." "Well, I thought..." "I mean, I thought you might want to know since that's your kind of thing, not mine." "(SLURPING)" "Your shoes are in the room." "AMANDA:" "Thank you." "Darren, we have backstories to review." "Okay, well, we already did that, like, 300 times." "Darren, acting is where inspiration meets preparation." "Okay, okay, well, we can..." "We can prepare while I'm watching the game." "I suppose, if that works for you, then we'll... (SAVANNAH SCREAMS)" "(GASPS)" "Maybe we've prepared enough." "I'll never get that out of my head." "Did you finally get your gear in gear?" "Finally?" "It took me less than five minutes, and it's way more complicated than anything you're doing." "Okay, show me what you got." "MELISSA:" "Tapping into the hotel surveillance cams." "Lefevre has just entered his room, and... (ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "Swindell's close." "He should be here in 10." "Not bad, Sis." "Amanda, time for your visit with Monsieur Lefevre." "On my way." "Here you go." "Thanks." "Savannah, Darren, you too." "Costume up." "Darren, it's showtime!" "DARREN:" "I'm exfoliating!" "(KNOCKS AT DOOR)" "Uh, good day." "Mr. Lefevre's complimentary skin care treatment, courtesy of Mr. Swindell." "Oh, yes, the petite, sweaty, American man with the unfortunate hair." "Please, viens ici." "I will sparkle for the auction." "(CHUCKLES)" "(ENGINE RUMBLES AND BACKFIRES)" "(HINGES SQUEAK)" "Hey." "Don't scratch it." "Excuse-en, sir, but you are here for der auction." "We are looking for Monsieur Lefevre." "Don't know where he is." "We're coming here to sell Papa's toy." "We were told it was vorth a lot of monies." "Ya, monies." "Vorth..." "Worth a lot of money, you say?" "Mmm-hmm." "Look-en." "Ya." "Oh, a red-haired Captain Cybertor." "Ya, is it vorth the monies?" "Uh, monies." "Well... (STUTTERS) It would be, if the hair was blue." "Blue?" "SWINDELL:" "Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "The blue ones are super rare, but yours is red, unfortunately." "Red." "SWINDELL:" "Oh, yeah, red." "Yeah, the red ones are a dime a dozen, almost worthless." "You know," "I wouldn't waste Mr. Lefevre's time with this." "Oh." "Monies?" "(SQUISHING)" "Okay, now just a little more." "Now, we just, um, wait for the rejuvenating agents to, um..." "To rejuvenate." "Rejuvenate..." "Ah, ah, ah, ah." "No talking." "No moving." "There you go." "(WHIMPERS)" "(SPEAKING GERMAN-SOUNDING GIBBERISH)" "Red, worthless." "Vorthless?" "Yeah, worthless." "Floogin." "(GROANS) Jorgen has der disappointment." "Oh, yeah, yeah, I understand, yeah." "Ugh." "You know, I like you kids." "I hate to see you go home empty-handed." "How about I take that off your hand for, say, oh, 10 bucks." "(GASPS) How's that sound?" "Oh, 10 American dollars." "Ah, monies." "Oh." "Yeah, monies, eh?" "(CHUCKLING)" "Suckers." "So, I pretty much rocked that, right?" "Well, your accent was iffy, and maybe if you could just..." "Rocked it." "(CHUCKLES)" "I booked a room." "Yes, Mr. Swindle." "Oh, "Swindell."" "(INDISTINCT CHATTER)" "This is my room?" "Well, you get what you pay for." "Oh, what's that smell?" "Yeah." "(SQUISHING)" "Your stinky cheese and squid plate, as requested." "(SCOFFS) No." "(HOLLOW THUDDING)" "Here we go." "(POPPING) (GRUNTS)" "My, my, look how you glow." "(FINGER SNAPS)" "(GASPS)" "(SIGHS) I look like the bottom of a baby." "Merci beaucoup." "Oh, you're very welcome, Mr. Lefevre." "All a part of the Lakeshore Hotel touch." "(SIGHS) You are an angel." "AMANDA:" "Okay, all right." "Please, look at my skin." "Worship me." "I am beautiful." "Please, touch Lefevre." "Oh, yes." "Oh, I'm beautiful." "Swindell took the bait." "Jah, bonus!" "Time to celebrate." "Hello, room service?" "Yes, I'd like six..." "Two." "Eight hamburgers, four pizzas, and what desserts do you have?" "Anybody else need anything?" "Nothing for me, Sis, but I could really use a massage of ze foot." "BEN:" "Awesome." "(SIGHS)" "Whoa, he looks exactly like "Le-fever."" "Ugh, Lefevre." "Nah, I don't care." "Yeah, I do." "Yeah, just add six sundaes, please, thanks." "Amanda, that's amazing." "Thank you." "(LAUGHS)" "It's just some concealer and some blush and a metric ton of putty." "(SLURPING)" "Is that nose gonna hold?" "It only needs to work for a few minutes." "(SIGHS)" "(SIGHS)" "(SIGHS)" "(GRUNTS)" "(GROWLS)" "(SIGHS)" "(EXHALES)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Hey, Captain." "You look like you're worth a lot of cash." "Not as much as you, Honus." "(CHUCKLES)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Yeah?" "Spa day with Mr. Lefevre?" "His treat?" "All right, yeah, I'll be right there." "Things are looking up." "The spa's on the second floor." "Enjoy." "Swindell's on the move." "You're already late." "I move at a relaxed pace." "Whatever." "I'll buy you a few minutes." "Au revoir, everyone." "Good luck!" "Bye!" "(SIGHS)" "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "Going up." "(STATIC CRACKLING) (THUDDING)" "(ELEVATOR POWER SURGING)" "And going down." "(SCREAMS)" "And going up again." "(YELLS)" "And then down." "(BEEPING)" "(YELLING)" "And up." "And down." "And up again." "(SWINDELL YELLING)" "(PANTING)" "(DISTORTED LAUGHTER)" "(CHUCKLING)" "And up." "Ooh!" "Hey, why not?" "Let's go down." "(YELLS) (THUDDING)" "(YELLS)" "(DINGING)" "Help!" "Help!" "(ALL CHUCKLING)" "(LAUGHING)" "Do up again." "(YELLING)" "SWINDELL:" "Oh, ow!" "GRIFFIN:" "You know what, Melissa?" "I'll say it." "I am impressed." "You are the most dangerous girl in the seventh grade." "Aw, thanks, Bro." "Bonjour, madame." "(SWINDELL YELLING) (BEEPING)" "(CRYING) Somebody stop this thing!" "(SCREAMING) (CRASHING)" "Ah, Mr. Swindell." "I have your squid and limburger sandwich." "(GAGGING)" "(VOMITS)" "Uh-uh..." "No." "Ew." "I'm done." "(CHUCKLES)" "GRIFFIN: (IN A FRENCH ACCENT) Ah, Monsieur Swindell, come, join me, please." "Oh, hey, Mr. Lefevre, is that you?" "GRIFFIN:" "But of course." "Could there be two such noses as this in the world?" "(CHUCKLING) Oh, I guess not." "Oh, please, lie down." "Oh, okay." "You are in for a treat, mon ami." "I have requested for you my favorite masseuse." "SWINDELL: (SIGHING) Oh, nice, 'cause I actually have been feeling a little tight." "A massage will feel real nice." "(GRUNTING)" "(BONES CRACKING)" "I know, fantastic, non?" "GRIFFIN:" "She is a master with the muscle." "(GRUNTING)" "Yeah, you know, I can honestly say... (GROANING) Oh!" "I've never felt anything like it." "(GROANS) (THUDDING)" "(SWINDELL GROANING)" "SWINDELL:" "Oh!" "Wait a second." "His nose." "Oh, no, this is all going south." "Hey, mayday, mayday." "Pull out." "Pull out." "Your nose is melting." "I'm working here." "Abort mission." "Ow." "Well, now I'm in pain." "Mayday, I'm in pain." "My head hurts." "Abort mission." "Ow." "Thank you." "I'm feeling less hysterical now." "Stick to the plan." "Amanda, time for your date." "On it." "Oh." "Whoa." "You look really good in black." "You should wear it more often." "Thanks." "That's really sweet of you and um, kind of awkward." "I think she likes me." "(MOUTHING) No." "Uh-oh, Lefevre is leaving his room." "No, well, if Swindell sees him, we're done." "If he sees Griffin, we're worse." "Excellent time for improvisational theater." "Come on, Darren." "Wait." "Wait." "Who's my character?" "No, no, wait, wait, wait, hey, hey." "What's my backstory?" "Ooh, this should be good." "Donald P. Luddler, I have never been so angry in all my life." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this, what's this all about, Darlene?" "I saw you with that girl by the pool!" "You should have whiplash the way you were taking her curves." "(STUTTERING) No, I swear." "I swear." "I didn't even notice her or her curves." "(GROANS) Oh!" "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "Why?" "We're acting." "Just stay in the moment." "Just stay in the moment." "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "You are such a liar!" "No, no, I am not." "(ALARM RINGING)" "This elevator is not going anywhere until you admit it." "Pardonnez-moi." "I have a very important auction, and I must..." "BOTH:" "You stay out of this!" "AMANDA:" "Hooked in." "Sending you the call now." "(PHONE RINGING) GRIFFIN:" "Oh... (IN FRENCH ACCENT) This man will not leave me alone." "What man?" "Ivan Volkov, big spender, big collector." "Been searching for years for the same item." "A red-haired Captain Cybertor figure." "Oh, really?" "(GRUNTS)" "GRIFFIN:" "I had one all lined up, but alas, the sellers, they never arrived." "Oh, ha, ha." "Those things happen." "Oh!" "Yes, but he keeps calling me." "I do not like disappointing a man like Volkov." "He is, how you say, a ruthless man." "One cannot overstate the gravity of..." "Of the gravity... (CLEARS THROAT) The gravity of... (GROANING)" "Mayday, mayday, pull out." "Mission abort." "Um..." "Whew!" "I'm in." "Acknowledged." "You'll never catch Donna Hernandez doing this." "Um..." "SWINDELL:" "Uh, Mr. Lefevre, you okay there?" "GRIFFIN: (CHUCKLES) Uh, yes, yes, I'm quite all right." "Oh, no, you're not." "Yes, I am." "It's just, uh, uh..." "My allergies seem to be bothering me." "(CHUCKLES) (SNEEZES)" "(CHUCKLING)" "Lie still!" "(SOBBING)" "All he ever does is criticize me." "Okay, oh." "He thinks my dreams of becoming an actress are stupid." "Hug me." "I want a hug." "What?" "I, I never said that." "I never did." "Oh, you know what?" "You didn't have to." "Oh, the hillbillies..." "(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)" "Oh, look at the time." "So much to do." "(CHUCKLES)" "Oh, thank you." "Au revoir, Mr. Swindell." "What?" "Hey, where you going?" "I said lie still!" "(GROANING)" "Oh, maybe I can..." "No, hey, stay!" "He doesn't take acting seriously at all." "It's just..." "It's one big joke to you." "Yeah, I do, I do joke around." "All right, but I don't mean nothing by it." "Well, it means something to me." "It hurts, Dar..." "Donald, I mean." "You know, ever think of that?" "No, no, I didn't." "I never meant to hurt you, Savannah..." "Or Darlene, and I promise that I will never hurt you again." "Yes, yes, yes, this is what you must do." "Just as I must attend my auction." "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "Au revoir." "Bye, now." "This acting thing is kind of awesome!" "See, a performance can be a constructive outlet for life's frustrations." "Yeah, yeah, even more than pounding things." "Mmm-hmm." "Ooh, went smooth as glass." "Broken glass." "Well, it worked, anyway." "How's Amanda doing?" "She's almost there." "All right." "Ben!" "Yep." "Oh, you're up." "Is the moustache working?" "Overtime." "All right." "MELISSA:" "Moustache, can you see him?" "Yes." "BEN:" "Here he comes." "Uh, no, no, it was great." "I feel very loose." "(LAUGHING) Here's my card." "Call me, maybe." "Thanks." "(LAUGHS)" "And drink plenty of water." "(GROANS)" "VOLKOV:" "It's simple." "You get me red-haired Captain Cybertor" "Or I break you!" "Do svidanya." "Pardon me, Mr. Volkov?" "Nobody approaches." "Keep walking, little man." "Alexei, Boris, let go." "This little man is Swindell." "(CHUCKLING)" "Swindell, accent on the back half, but... (STAMMERS) It and, you know, it..." "Swindell's with the Russian." "I see you on the TVs, Mr. Swindell." "Today, I buy your Honus card." "Oh, great, great, yeah." "And actually, I've come to talk to you about another collectible." "(CLEARS THROAT) I, uh..." "I understand you're looking for a red-haired Captain Cybertor." "Da." "Why?" "You have?" "Oh, yeah, I have." "I have. (CHUCKLES)" "This is good, little man." "Yeah." "Bring it to me." "Yeah." "I'll..." "The weasel has left the building." "Huh?" "Swindell's on his way back to his room." "(CHUCKLING)" "Oh, not doing that again." "Uh..." "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "How's she doing?" "Amanda, where are you?" "I'm in Swindell's room." "Well, make the switch." "Swindell's coming your way fast." "Move it!" "(CHUCKLES)" "AMANDA:" "Hello, handsome." "(BEEPING) Say cheese." "(CAMERA CLICKS) (LAUGHS)" "(CELL PHONES RINGING)" "(SCOFFS) Show off." "(ALL CHUCKLING)" "AMANDA:" "Making the switch." "(ELECTRONIC BUZZING)" "(BEEPING)" "(SIGHS)" "SWINDELL: (CHUCKLING) You'll make me a rich man." "(PANTING)" "(INDISTINCT CHATTER)" "(SIGHING)" "WOMAN:" "Welcome to the Snake Pit, sir." "And your name?" "Ben, what's your status?" "Waiting for the weasel to join the bar mitzvah." "What?" "Waiting for Swindell to return." "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "He's never gonna sell that thing." "(CLEARS THROAT) One red-haired Captain Cybertor in mint condition." "(SNAP FINGERS)" "Eighty thousand American dollars." "(CHUCKLING)" "What?" "You do not trust Ivan Volkov?" "What?" "Oh, no, no, no." "No, I was just, you know, just checking it out." "I am man of honor." "If I say there is $80,000, there is $80,000." "Well, yeah, no, Yeah, yeah, absolutely." "I mean, no offense intended, Mr. Volkov." "I do not look in box you give to me." "Do you know why?" "Because, uh..." "I'm a man of honor too?" "No." "Oh." "Because last man who tried to cheat Ivan Volkov..." "Well, no one knows what happened to him." "(CHUCKLES)" "No one but me, Alexei, and Boris." "You understand, da?" "Da, yeah, very da." "Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Swindell." "I see you at auction later." "I buy your Honus card, eh?" "(LAUGHS)" "Oh." "WOMAN:" "Thank you." "MELISSA:" "Status, please." "Is the deal done?" "What?" "Oh, uh, oops." "I mean, uh, pardon the, uh, the inconvenience." "Do I know you?" "Uh, no." "Mmm-mmm." "I, uh..." "Ow!" "You're the kid with the Honus card." "I see." "Squid, limburger." "You've been messing with me all day." "(CHUCKLES)" "Run away!" "(CHUCKLES)" "SWINDELL:" "Jackpot!" "Who's the sucker paying for this?" "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "Aha!" "Ah, Mr. Swindell, we've been waiting for you." "Oh, yeah?" "Wait." "Monies?" "You know, Swindell, you're actually five minutes later than we thought." "I can't believe that plan worked." "Oh, wait, wait." "You intentionally dropped your card?" "What's going on here?" "Funny story, um, well, for us, anyway." "You know how you just sold to Mr. Volkov a red-haired Captain Cybertor?" "Yeah." "You actually sold him a regular old blue one." "(CHUCKLING) Oh, no, no, no." "No, no, no," "I sold him a red one." "You mean this one?" "(STAMMERING) How did..." "How did..." "That was in my..." "Hello." "By the way, nice room." "Do you have any idea what that crazy Russian Volkov's gonna do to me?" "Yeah, I do, pretty graphically, actually." "So here's what's going to happen." "We'll give you this red-haired Captain Cybertor, and in return, you give us..." "Free and clear." "The Honus Wagner card." "MELISSA:" "And you might want to hurry, 'cause that crazy Russian seems pretty angry." "(BEEPS)" "VOLKOV: (SCREAMING) Where is Swindell?" "I break him!" "Oh, no, this can't be happening." "It's over." "Now give us the card." "I break him very much!" "(WHISPERING) Aw." "BEN:" "Face it, dude." "You just got swindled." "Give me that!" "Catch it!" "Hey, hey." "There you go." "Come on!" "Catch!" "What?" "(CHUCKLES)" "(ALL YELLING)" "SWINDELL:" "No, no." "MAN:" "Here we go, okay." "Cake coming through." "Oops." "Really?" "Well, athletics are not my strong suit." "Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait." "Is this not part of the plan?" "ALL:" "No!" "Get out of my way!" "(ALL SHOUTING)" "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "Go, go, go, go, go, go, go." "Quick." "(SIGHS)" "(UPBEAT MUZAK PLAYING)" "SWINDELL:" "Hold it!" "Hold it!" "Hold it!" "Hey!" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Hey, hey!" "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "Swindell!" "Sorry, coming through." "Here they come." "Welcome to the Snake Pit." "Our next four inventors are ready." "Inventors, start your inventions!" "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "This is the world's strongest vacuum." "Okay, just imagine, your soda's way over there." "Sorry, look, we're shooting here." "You have to wait." "Safety goggles, please." "(WHIRRING)" "So you just press this button." "(BEEPING)" "(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)" "This is my laser hedge trimmer." "Press here." "(CROWD GASPS)" "Do it again." "Just press this button." "Out of my way." "Swindell!" "Ben?" "(BEEPING) (YELLS)" "(CROWD GASPS) (LASER BUZZING)" "(WHIRRING) (THUDDING)" "(CROWD GASPING)" "Sorry." "(SIZZLING)" "That's not good." "Stop that cake!" "Oh!" "(CROWD GASPS) (CROWD LAUGHING)" "Keep working out those bugs, Dad." "Oh, okay." "Son?" "What did you say you called that again?" "The iGot It?" "With a lowercase "i."" "Trendy..." "Ish." "Go, go!" "(YELLS)" "(LAUGHING)" "Come on!" "GRIFFIN:" "Come on." "Stairs!" "(GROANS)" "Go!" "Come on!" "Go!" "GRIFFIN:" "Go!" "Sorry!" "BEN:" "Swindell, he's getting away!" "(CACKLING)" "GRIFFIN:" "What?" "(GRUNTING)" "It's locked." "What do we do?" "There's got to be another way in." "This way." "Coming through." "SAVANNAH:" "Sorry." "DARREN:" "Move." "BEN:" "Excuse me." "(CHUCKLES)" "MAN:" "And now the father of the bride," "Mr. Stroumboulopoulos." "(CROWD APPLAUDING)" "Whoa." "For my daughter and my new son..." "What do we do now?" "Thinking." "I wish them a lifetime of happiness together!" "(CROWD CHEERING)" "Opa!" "(SHATTERING)" "Opa!" "And now for someone who needs no introduction." "Please welcome, from all the way from my old country, our dear, dear," "(CHUCKLES) Me!" "Wow, thank you so much for that glowing introduction," "Papa Stroumboulopoulos." "Congratulations, by the way." "You guys look beautiful." "You all look stunning." "How are you?" "Good to see you." "Hey, I am not the only one to make it all the way from the old country." "So why don't we all get up and give a warm hug of a welcome to crazy cousin Demetri." "Where is that knucklehead?" "Oh, can we get a spotlight, please?" "Ah, there he is!" "(CHEERING)" "Demetri!" "Demetri!" "Yeah, show him some Stroumboulopoulos love." "Yeah!" "SAVANNAH:" "Oh!" "Yes." "Dying for hugs there." "Get in there." "Hug him!" "He came all this way." "Oh." "Is he one of yours?" "Demetri, good to see you!" "Oh!" "GRIFFIN:" "Aw, what a beautiful moment." "Yes, that's great." "Well, look at the time." "I have rambled on long enough." "I think there's only one thing left to say and that's..." "Everybody dance!" "SAVANNAH:" "Come alive!" "Whoo!" "¶ Hey, I just met you" "¶ And this is crazy..." "I love this song!" "Hey!" "¶ So call me maybe" "¶ It's hard to look right at you, baby" "¶ But here's my number" "¶ So call me maybe" "¶ Hey, I just met you" "¶ And this is crazy" "¶ But here's my number" "¶ So call me maybe" "¶ Hey, I just met you" "¶ And this is crazy" "¶ But here's my number" "¶ So call me maybe" "¶ And all the other boys" "¶ Try to chase me" "¶ But here's my number" "¶ So call me maybe" "¶ Hey, I just met you" "¶ And this is crazy" "¶ But here's my number (GROANS)" "¶ So call me maybe" "¶ And all the other boys" "¶ Try to chase me" "¶ But here's my number" "¶ So call me maybe" "(SCREAMS)" "What is that doing on my cake?" "(BRIDE CRYING)" "Daddy!" "Griffin?" "Yeah, this could be a problem." "Uh..." "It will be mine." "(CROWD GASPING) (SCREAMS)" "Go, guys, go!" "Not a chance, baldy!" "Oh!" "(GRUNTS)" "Go, go!" "Oh, and it was such a nice wedding." "(PEOPLE GASPING)" "(GRUNTS)" "WOMAN:" "Oh!" "(SPLATTERING)" "(GASPING)" "(PANTING)" "(GROANS)" "(GROANS)" "(CROWD LAUGHING) (GASPING)" "Stop, stop!" "(PEOPLE SCREAMING)" "(GASPING) Oh!" "(PEOPLE LAUGHING)" "Mmm." "(CACKLES)" "Oh, baby, I missed you." "Oh!" "What is it?" "You!" "You ruined my daughter's wedding!" "Sir, from the bottom of my heart... (SOBBING)" "I don't care." "(SWINDELL CACKLES)" "MELISSA:" "He's getting away!" "BEN:" "Griffin!" "Someday you'll look back and laugh." "(CRASHING) (CROWD GASPS)" "Bye." "(CHUCKLING) GRIFFIN:" "Swindell!" "(CHUCKLING) Game over!" "Late breaking score," "I win, you lose." "I got the red-head Captain Cybertor." "I got the Honus." "And you, Bing," "Griffin Bing, got..." "Oh!" "(GROANS)" "Where is Swindell?" "Oh..." "I pay for red-haired Captain Cybertor." "So you give to me red-haired Captain Cybertor or I get angry." "(STAMMERS)" "I don't..." "I don't have the red-headed Captain Cybertor." "These kids." "No talk, Swindell." "Cybertor." "Now." "(CLEARS THROAT) Um..." "We have one." "A red-haired Captain Cybertor figure." "We could sell it to you, Mr. Swindell." "Original offer still stands." "No?" "Okay, then." "He's all yours, Mr. Volkov." "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." "Okay!" "Okay, okay!" "You win, Bing." "Here, it's yours, free and clear." "Fine." "Your card." "(SIGHS)" "I've never doubted you." "You did." "Only a little." "What?" "Oh, yes." "There we go." "Here you go." "Da." "Red hair." "(CHUCKLING) Good." "Good, good." "Good." "Good is good!" "Yeah, yeah?" "You got your red-haired Captain Cybertor." "I got my money." "Everything's good, right?" "No." "Oh." "(WHIMPERS)" "You run now, Swindell." "Run..." "And never stop." "(GRUNTING)" "(KIDS LAUGHING)" "(WOMEN SCREAMING)" "SWINDELL:" "I wasn't looking!" "I wasn't looking!" "Your plan worked just like you said it would, Griffin." "It did!" "Feeling pretty egotastic right now." "And you!" "You were amazing." "Did you really think so, Savannah?" "(CHUCKLING) I had a blast." "And, fellas, the real kudos go to you." "You buoyed and grounded my performance." "Our pleasure, Mr. Westcott." "Any chance to work with the master." "You must be Darren." "My daughter, Savannah, has told me all about you." "Says you have some real talent." "(LAUGHS) I was telling Darren he should enroll in your acting classes." "OMG." "Don't even think." "Just do it." "Uh, all right, all right, I'm in." "(CHEERING) Yes, he's in!" "You ready to make a million dollars?" "$1.2 million." "I like the sound of that." "Whoo!" "Thank you." "Oh, man, thank you." "Thank you." "Whoo!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "Pardonnez-moi!" "Oh, hi." "I have one small question." "Who are you people and why are you disrupting my auction?" "Um, actually, that's two questions." "(GRUNTS)" "Who are we?" "Yes, mmm-hmm?" "We are the true owners of an authentic Honus Wagner card." "(GASPING) Oh!" "And good news." "We're selling." "Bonjour." "Please, right this way." "Thank you." "Right into the biddings." "(BIDDERS GASP)" "Let's start the bidding at $500,000!" "Oh!" "(WIND WHOOSHING)" "This isn't $80,000." "Oh, no." "Oh, no, no, no!" "Oh, no!" "Oh, no, no." "What?" "WOMAN:" "Mr. Swindell?" "Your bill." "Crown penthouse luxury suite?" "Eight hamburgers, six pizzas, 10 sundae supremes," "12 shrimp cocktail?" "Deep tissue massage?" "Thirty five thousand dollars?" "Bing!" "Bing!" "(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)" "(CASH REGISTER DINGS)" "Monies, ya." "I can't thank you guys enough." "Dude, this goes a long way." "Yeah, what did your parents say when you got home with the money?" "They were overjoyed, no doubt." "Actually, no." "Turns out they didn't need the money." "Like, at all." "Well, I'm, I'm confused." "Explain, please." "The iGot It was a big hit at the Snake Pit." "Dad's got thousands of orders from police stations all across the country." "(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)" "I just bought stock in the company." "Mmm, smart girl." "Nice, but what'd you do with the rest of the money?" "First, I sent the Stroumboulopouloses on a sweet honeymoon they'll never forget." "The least you could do." "Good idea." "And then I bought this." "(CLANKING)" "Whew!" "(GASPS) The Shield of Barradon!" "Do I look like the poster?" "You know what?" "You kind of do." "(LAUGHING)" "(WHISPERING) What's happening?" "(AMANDA GIGGLES)" "That's still a lot of money left over." "Well, I was thinking we had enough to pay for everyone's college." "Nice." "SAVANNAH:" "Sweet." "Dude, that's, that's awesome." "Yeah!" "DARREN:" "Oh." "Yeah." "And as for the rest of it, we earned it together, we'll spend it together." "Now, that is a plan I can embrace." "But on what?" "Helping people." "Who?" "Excuse me." "Are you Griffin Bing?" "Yeah." "Can you help me?" "I had this blue parrot named Berry..." "Blue Berry, cute." "And I left him to get groomed at this pet shop." "But when I got back, the shop owner told me Berry had died." "Except he didn't." "He's selling him to a man in Las Vegas." "Vegas?" "Why would anybody go through that much trouble for a bird?" "Berry is a rare blue mutation Amazon worth $20,000." "Ha!" "Well, that's a good reason." "Can you help me?" "Yes, I think we can." "So, I'm Griffin Bing." "And this is the team." "(UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)" "And we take down swindlers." "(SPLATTERING)"