"Brlan, honey?" "Are you ignoring me, sweetheart?" "If you are, lt's okay, J ust tell me," "My mother ls a behavioral psychologist, lf you left him alone, maybe he'd break out of this prolonged latency," "And my father ls a Freudlan psychiatrist," " Our child ls not ln latency," " Keep living ln denial, Bernlce," "Whlch basically means that they fundamentally disagree, , , on everything," " Brl?" "Everythlng all right?" " Feel free not to respond," "At Angela's house, they probably laugh and eat unbalanced meals, , , and talk about things that don't have deep symbolic meaning," "They're probably this like normal family," " Child abuse!" " Well, it's tangled." "Where the hell is it?" "Sweetie, I can't do braids in a basement." " lt was right here." " Fine, I'll do my braids myself." "So this is actually happening?" "You're actually going to wallpaper the bedroom?" " Yes, what's the big deal?" " Nothing." "Except this wallpaper sat here through the entire Bush administration." "I just figure since I'm not working, you know, keep me off the streets." "So you feel okay about-- l mean, you've done this before, right?" " Patty, I can wallpaper a room." " Right, I'm sorry." "This is really great." "I became yearbook photographer because I liked the idea, , , that I could sort of watch life without having to be a part of lt," "But when you are yearbook photographer, , , you are never ln the picture," "I'm yearbook photographer." "This is my job." "Brian, I'd like you to meet Delia." "She's new." " lt's really nice meeting you." " Yes." "Maybe I'll see you around?" " Bye." " Bye." " N ice, Krakow." "Real suave." " What?" "It was pretty obvious what she was thinking." "What?" "She likes you." "Ask her to the dance!" "Hold on, wait." "This World Happiness thing?" "It's not a "thing"." "It's a dance." "Which I am trying to make into a great dance." "Which is almost impossible since apparently the idea of school spirit..." "is out the window." "Wait, so getting back to this Delia thing..." "She's working at Big Guy Burger tonight from 3: 30 until 8: 00." "Did she actually say anything?" "Let's just say it was very clearly implied." "I mean, World Happiness!" "Who thought of that?" " lt sounds like Sharon." " Definitely Sharon." " So, are you like going?" " What?" "I know, I just thought in this really obvious way it'd be sort of fun." "Angela, if you expect Jordan Catalano to ask you..." " Maybe she just wants to dance." " Exactly." "Wait, so there's no chance?" "Angela, Jordan Catalano doesn't go to school dances." " As, like, policy." " Right. I sort of figured." "So..." "I mean, if you wanted to go, which of course you don't..." "you could let Brian Krakow ask you." " Rayanne!" " What?" "If you don't get Catalano, you've got Brian Krakow to pay." "Then excuse me, I'd be at the dance with Brian Krakow." " Excuse me?" " Can we help you?" "I was just-- ls M iss Chavatal around?" "Do you see M iss Chavatal?" "Cool vest." "What has always amazed me, ls fishermen," "How they wait there forever, , , and when something finally tugs on their line, they don't panic," "The strange thing ls, , , even though I've established verbal communication with Della Flsher, , , I still think about Angela, constantly," "Why am I like this?" "I truly slcken myself, I just have to stop being her little puppet, I vow to never again, , , to show up at Angela's door with some lame excuse," "H i. l mean, hello." "I sort of lent this atlas to Angela..." "which she was technically supposed to return in March." "So..." "Well, she isn't here now." " Could you..." " Right." "Right." "So, putting up wallpaper?" "Lower, lower." "Wait." "The morning glories aren't lined up." "I n my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly." "It's like destroying me." "So, you're like what, retired?" "I mean, I mean, not retired." "No. I'm sort of planning what to do next." "I don't want to jump into anything blindly." "I mean, it's like wallpaper." "I mean, there are hundreds of patterns out there, and it's kind of daunting..." "because you're going to have to live with your decision for a long time." "Let's say you're deciding between two particular patterns..." "and one of them, you definitely know that you really like..." "and the other is nice wallpaper and all, but just you're not sure if it's really..." " For you." " Exactly." "But the really great wallpaper..." "let's say, is totally out of your price range." "Do you take the other wallpaper, even though you don't, let's say..." "really desire it that much, or do you wait until..." "the really great wallpaper is cheaper." "I guess it depends on how badly you need wallpaper." " l would say pretty badly." " l guess that says it." "Yes." "I can't believe this," "Apparently Della Flsher smiles at everyone," "She's probably from one of those small towns, , , friendly and smiles at you for no reason, I hate that type of town," "Napkins." "Thanks for choosing Big Guy." " H i." " H i." "Welcome to Big Guy Burger, where every guy is a big guy." "I was just, you know, happened to be in the neighborhood, and so..." "So, what can I get for you?" " J ust a H unkburger." " For here or to go?" "I guess to go. I just, you know, should probably go." "There's something about my life, lt's just automatically true that nothing actually happens," "Not hungry after all?" "I was told not to eat red meat by my doctor." "So..." "Sorry about being so standard in there." "My manager watches us." " Right." " l'm glad you came." "Somewhere far away there was a car alarm," "One of those really annoying ones," "Do you want a sip?" "But suddenly, lt was the best sound I had ever heard," "So, I guess I should go." "Me, too." "So maybe this is what people mean..." "when they talk about, you know, life." "So are you going to ask me to this dance, or what?" "I was going to, eventually." "So you just haven't gotten around to it?" "Exactly." "Look, Kyle. I am under a ton of pressure here, okay?" "The dance committee, student council, yearbook, band." "I don't have time to worry about being alone at the very dance I organized !" "Fine." "Would you like to go to the dance with me?" "Yes." "And if you screw this up, I will really hate you." "Like forever." "My life ls so ridiculous, I have to ask Della Flsher to the dance, I have to," "And I'll do lt now, On the count of three," "One, Two, Three," " l got to run. I'll catch you later." " Okay." "Speak!" " Hey." "What's going on?" " Not much." " So." "You going to the dance?" " Doubtful." "You?" "I would kind of have to say, at this point, no." "Guidance is so weird." "So she looked at me all concerned..." "wanting to know if I was going to the school dance..." "like that wasn't the stupidest question in history." "And so, I broke down and cried." "It was hysterical." "But, I mean, how's it going?" "I mean, how're you doing?" "Ten days." "No drink, no drugs." "I'm so clean you could eat off me." " So, you know that girl, Pam Troy?" " The one with the really bad perm?" "No, the one with the diamond stud in her nose." "The one with the crop-tops and..." "she broke down and cried that time in H uman Sexuality?" "Yes, so?" "So I was thinking of asking her to the dance." "Why?" "I know you think the dance is really stupid..." " Why don't you ask him?" " Shut up!" "Well, isn't that who you really want to go with?" "Isn't it?" "Yes, in some imaginary universe that exists in my mind, but..." "Leave it to me." "Rayanne, if you say one word to him, I'd kill you." "Rayanne!" "My." "Are those morning glories not lining up?" "They're lining up." "Because if they're even the slightest bit off..." "that's all you're ever going to notice." "is that a bubble?" "Patty, I tried every conceivable way to get rid of that bubble." "It is there forever, it's part of our lives." "It will outlive us all." "So, I dropped off that brochure I did for the university..." "with their precious perforations." "While I was there, I picked up a Continuing Education bulletin." "Why did you circle all these cooking classes?" "Why do you think?" "I mean, isn't that what you always talked about?" "Well, this is some kind of adult education workshop." "What I talked about was going full time to a culinary institute." " Which we can't" " Which we can't afford. I know." "But that we can afford, so why are you closing your mind?" " Can we at least think about it?" " Okay." "Great." " H i." " Hey." "So, did you hear that they're going to exterminate..." " fourth period lunch?" " l didn't hear that." "It's just something people are obsessing about." "It's like sometimes people fill their minds with all these..." "stupid things, you know?" "To keep themselves from thinking about, you know..." "what's really important." "Like this World Happiness Dance." "I mean, it's so stupid." "What does that even mean, you know?" "Like if we dance the world is really going to get happier?" "I mean, really, come on." "I don't think so." "There's a dance?" "Yes, there's like five hundred posters up around the school about it." "Right." "I guess I kind of mean the idea of the dance is kind of false." "I mean, I doubt I'm even going." "I mean, I'm sure you're obviously not going." "Right?" " See, I have this philosophy." " You have a philosophy?" "If I go somewhere and someone I know is there..." "then cool, there's something natural about it." "But once you start making plans, then you have like..." "obligations and that basically blows." "So my feeling is, whatever happens, happens." "I have to say, I really respect that." "I forgot my geometry book in my locker, so..." " H i." " H i." "I've been looking for you all day." "I've been really busy." "I'm carrying a triple minor." "I didn't even know you could have a triple minor." "They sort of bent the rules for me." "So..." "M iss Chavatal wants me to catch up with the rest of the unit..." "since I just transferred here." "I have no idea what I'm even looking at." "Simple." "They're just paramecia." "Can I look?" "Flnally, an erection from actual physical contact," "What are the little hairy things around the edges?" "Those are cilia." "They propel the paramecia." "You're a lifesaver." "So, remember when we were discussing wallpaper?" "Okay, lower." "A little bit lower." "It's just so weird when you've chosen your wallpaper..." "and you think you're pretty happy with it..." "but every time you pass by the other wallpaper..." "the one that you sort of like more..." "Brian, we're not talking about wallpaper here, are we?" "Maybe not." " Brian Krakow is here." "Good." " H i, I was just..." "Helping, I know." "Thank you." "So, did you get a chance to look at that bulletin?" "Not yet." "I should have mentioned, tomorrow's the last day..." " of registration." "So..." " That's all right. I'll do it next time." "Because you know, there are some very important chefs..." " running some of the these classes." " Sure, like who?" " Stephan Dieter." " Who?" "You know, that guy from the TV show." "Stephan's Kitchen." " That guy died." " He did not die." "Are you sure?" "Graham, can I just say, I don't understand." "I thought that you planned to do this." "At this point the way things are now..." "it just doesn't feel right to make plans." "I'd rather let whatever happens, happen." " So." " So." "Have you thought about the dance?" "Not much." "Have you?" "No. I mean, it's just that if I'm not going to work Saturday..." "I have to, you know, switch with someone right away." "I see." "So, if I'm going to go, I would need to know now." "That's-- yes." " Rayanne's right." " About what?" " Corey and the dance." " She told you?" " lt's okay, I understand." " No, you don't understand." "I mean, you don't understand because you don't." "You couldn't..." "You're right, Rickie. I couldn't possibly understand having..." "an obsession for a person I have zero hope of ever becoming involved with." "We're hopeless." "And so in conclusion, I guess the truth is that I can't, you know..." "work twenty-four hours a day." "All work and no play, or whatever." "Brian, are you asking me to the dance?" " Yes." " l thought so." "Angela, maybe we should go." "You know, to that stupid dance." " Oh, my God, we should go together!" " Right." "Eight o'clock?" "Eight o'clock!" "I feel so much better, you know?" "J ust to know that it's settled." "Hey, Rickie." "So, see you Saturday right?" "Excuse me?" "Rayanne said the three of us are going to hang together." "At the dance?" "Did I get that wrong?" "No. I mean, you got it completely right." "Cool." "So, Saturday." "So, I guess I should go with you and Rayanne and Corey, right?" "Sure. I mean, except that, you know, then it might seem like..." "you and I are together." "Like a boy-girl thing." " lt might?" " Yes, like a double date?" "Yes, I guess it might." "Whereas if it's just me and Corey and Rayanne" "Wait a second !" "Oh, my God, this is too obvious, isn't it?" "I mean, maybe you should come." "No, I shouldn't." "You know, you're right." "I got to go find Rayanne." "H i." "Can I talk to you for a minute?" "It's kind of an emergency." "We were just..." "No, it's okay. I got to go anyway." "So, see you Saturday?" "Yes." " So you asked her to the dance?" " Yes." "I n fact, I just wanted to go with someone, so I just thought her." "So I just asked." "It was, you know, that simple." "She seemed pretty much blown away." "That's great." "Look, this is going to sound really weird." "Rayanne's doing this thing for Rickie..." "because he has an enormous crush on someone..." "and it's just this very delicate balance." "And I know you're going with Delia, and I'm really happy for you..." "And as she continued to basically babble, lt started to sink ln that, , , something truly amazing was happening, I was thinking, that since we're neighbors, it'd be sort of convenient..." "if there was just some way I could go along..." "When you stripped away all the blathering, , ," "Angela Chase was asking to go to the dance with me, I mean, just to get me there." "Not that we'd actually be going together." "Of course." "No. I mean, not to go go, because you're going with Delia." "I just need a technical way to get there." "It's not a problem." " l mean, fine." "Tag along." " Thanks." "Can he excuse us?" " How could you do that?" " What did I do?" "What did you do?" "You invited Corey to the dance with you and me..." " when I specifically told you not to." " Oh, that." "He painted your shoes." " You want me to ask him to do yours?" " Rayanne!" "Listen to me." "This isn't funny." "Now you've driven me crazy in the past, but I'm willing to overlook it..." "because the truth is, I want to go to the dance." "But if you say one word to embarrass me while the three of us are together..." " What?" " l won't be there." "What?" "I just don't think I'm ready to go to an event like that." "I talked to the counselor, and she said she doesn't think I'd be able to." "Who cares about your stupid drinking problem?" "This is my life!" " Don't worry, it's no problem." " Yes, it is." "I will call Corey. I will explain the whole thing. lt'll be fine." "H i." "Did you want to talk to me?" "Yes." "How are you?" "Brian." "We only have a minute so..." "Right." "So, it's sort of about the dance." "It turns out that I kind of forgot..." "about this other commitment that I already had." "It's kind of, you know, special or whatever, so I ..." "Of all the stupid things I've said, which are countless, , , I've never wanted to take something back more than that one," "Maybe we can go catch a movie or whatever." "This other commitment, is it another girl or something?" "Brian, look. lt doesn't matter who you told first." "You know, if it was her or it was me." "You should go with who you want to go with." "J ust be honest with me, please?" "Okay." " So, I guess I would." " You would what?" "Rather go." "You know, with her." "I'm really sorry." "It would be really good if you would leave." " Delia..." " Please?" "I know this is weird, but just take a look at this?" "So what does this mean?" "So you enrolled me?" "Yes. I mean, I know that you've had your hands full..." "with the wallpaper and everything." "Graham, I just have this feeling like you're really going to enjoy this." "You signed me up..." "Yes." "I know that sometimes it's hard for you to..." " What?" " Focus." "Graham, look." "I just thought-- l mean, I know you like to cook..." "It's not that I like to cook." "It's this thing I can just do." "The one thing I can do." " That's just the point, sweetheart..." " l'll get it!" "Honey, I mean-- ask who it is first." " Who is it?" " Brlan Krakow," " Oh, my God." " Oh, my God." "We're going to that dance thing." "I mean, we're actually not going with each other." "Oh, my God." "You know, when I want to, I can focus just fine." "So, we're picking Delia up?" "Wait a second." "Your father is picking the three of you up..." "after the dance, right?" " As it turns out, Delia can't go." " Wait a second." "Why?" "It's her aunt actually." "She's actually in the hospital." "I hope it isn't anything too serious." "Graham?" "I'm sorry, okay?" "Graham?" "Oh, my God." "This room looks amazing." "I guess we found another thing you can do." "You're welcome." "My God." "Did you see her face..." "when he told her that that other girl wasn't coming?" "They're going to have such a terrible time." "Look..." "I know you probably feel like you can't breathe sometimes..." "like I'm this horrible nag, or something." "Feel free to stop me any time." "Look, I'll put a stop on the check." "I'll call the registrar and just tell them" "Don't do that." "I sort of have to see if Stephan Dieter can still stiffen his egg whites." "I mean, since I'm already signed up." "I mean, thank you for signing me up." "So finally the mouse starts running across the classroom..." "and I swear to God, it starts chasing M rs." "Schindleheim..." "which is when she tripped over N icholas Cayhill, which is why..." "she's wearing that neck brace." "You're really funny." "So, where's Rayanne?" " She didn't call you?" " No, why?" "Well, she told me she was going to call you..." "because she's not coming." "Why?" "It's kind of a long story." " So she's not coming at all?" " No, sorry." "You don't have to be sorry." "I wanted to ask her how she liked her sneakers." "Well, Rayanne is very changeable." "It's just weird, you know..." "when you have a picture of how something is going to be..." "and it turns out completely different." "Yeah. lt is weird." " Lot of people." " Yes." "Okay, this ls the simplest thing ln the world," "People do lt every day, J ust start a conversation," "Yes." "So, do you think you can get me something to drink?" " Okay." "What do you want?" " J ust, you know, whatever." " H i." " Hey." " Hey." " Oh, hi." "So, you and Angela come together?" "Sort of." "So I was thinking of hanging with you guys, but I didn't know..." "if you were here as friends, or as an actual thing, but..." "you know, it's whatever is better for you." "Whatever." "I mean, maybe you shouldn't come over." "We might want to dance or something." "That's really great." " lt's punch." " Thanks." " What did Rickie want?" " Nothing." "What did you say to him?" "Nothing. I just said it was better that maybe he didn't hang out with us." " What?" " l thought that it might be awkward." "Rickie is my friend." "He's my friend, too. lt's just-- what if we-- l don't know-- lf we wanted privacy or something?" " Why would we want privacy?" " We probably wouldn't, but..." "Brian, what do you think is happening here?" "What?" "Nothing?" "Didn't I explain what the whole reasoning for this was?" "I just thought if we wanted to dance or something." "Why would-- we're not going to dance." "I realize that." "Look, it wasn't some big plan or anything." "I don't even believe in making plans." "Whatever happens, happens." "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life." "What did you say to Delia?" "What do you mean?" "You don't understand people, Krakow." "You're so heartless." "I mean, the fact that she called me heartless..." "that's just really good." "That's excellent." "How ironic can you get without puking?" "I was really wrong." "I realize that now..." "that what I did was pretty heartless or whatever." "I am so glad you made it." "You know Kyle, right?" "Yes." "H i." "You know what, I am glad you decided to come on your own." "It's better." "There are so many really cute guys I want you to meet!" "Okay?" "So, Rayanne never called Corey." "Would you like me to kill her?" "That's a really nice offer, but the truth is..." "that would only solve half the problem." "What's the other half?" "The other half is, like, you know, the tough half." "Which is?" "Which is like just, you know..." "that I belong nowhere, with no one." "That I don't fit." "I'm starving, man." "What do you think?" " Yes, let's go get something to eat." " l've got to pick up Kimmy, too." " She's getting out of work." " Hey, Catalano, let's go, man." "We're going to Kathy's first, right?" "There's a killer place I want to check out, too, later." "Yes, in a minute." "It's okay." "Go." "Hey." " Why are you like this?" " Like what?" " Like how you are?" " Hey, Jordan, you coming or not?" "How am I?" "How am I?" "I'll be right back." "Okay?" "Yes." "H i." "Brian, this was all my fault." "Her hair smelled incredible, I mean, I ruined your night and Delia's night." "I should have stayed out of it." "Her hair smelled like this orange grove we passed when I was eight, , , on the way to see my grandmother," "And I can't really explain why I even got involved." "But I'm sorry." "But I guess that ls just her shampoo, Or whatever," "These things are so stupid." "I know." "No one ever has a good time." "So, I don't know, you want to dance or something?" "Not with you." "Well, I'm just..." "I just..." "I don'tcare about dancing that much." "Me either."