"Listen to this:" "The entire work force of Virginia..." "... hadsolitaireremoved from their computers..." "... becausetheyhadn'tdone any work in six weeks." "That's so sad." "Do you know what this is?" "The end of Western civilization as we know it." "Aren't you late?" "Name me one thing that we've gained from technology." "Electricity." "That's one." "You think this machine's your friend, but it's not." "I'm out of here." "See you tonight!" "Sushi!" "Bye!" "Welcome." "You've got mail." ""Brinkley is my dog." "We both love New York streets. "" "Although he likes to eat pizza off the sidewalk and I prefer to buy it." "Brinkley is a great catcher who was offered a tryout on the Mets." "But he chose to stay with me so he could spend 18 hours a day sleeping on a large pillo w the size of an inner tube." "Don 't you love New York in the fall?" "Makes me want to buy school supplies." "I'm almost ready." "I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address." "On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms." "Did you push it?" "Yes, I pushed it." "I'm so late." "Random House fired Dick Atkins." "Good riddance!" "Murray Chilton died." "That's one less person I'm not speaking to." "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Vince got a great review." "He'll be insufferable." "Tonight, PEN dinner." "Am I going?" "You promised!" "It's black-tie." "Can't I just give money instead?" "What is it this week?" "Free Albanian writers?" "I'm in favor of that." "Okay, I'll go." "You're late." "I know, I know." "Who's a happy dog?" "Welcome." "You've got mail." "All right." "Okay." "Get down, get down." "Dear friend:" "I like to start my notes to you as if we're already in the middle of a conversation." "I pretend that we're the oldest and dearest friends as opposed to what we actually are:" "People who don 't know each other's names and met in a chat room where we both claimed we'd never been before." ""What will NY152 say today?" I wonder." "I turn on my computer." "I wait impatiently as it connects." "I go online and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words:" ""You've got mail. "" "I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York." "Just the beat of my own heart." "I have mail. .." "...from you." "The electrical contractor hit a deer last night." "So he won't be here till tomorrow." "And upstairs, the shelves are late..." "... becausethepine we ordered has beetles." "Very good." "And we got a $50,000 ticket for workers peeing off the roof." "That is great." "Is the electrician here?" "I just told you he hit a deer." "I knew you weren't listening to me." "You're right." "I wasn't." ""l hear nothing." "Not a sound on the city streets, just the beat of my own heart. "" "I think that's how it goes." "Something like that." "You and Patricia got engaged, didn't you?" "You can tell me." "Engaged?" "Are you crazy?" "I thought you liked Patricia." "I do." "I love Patricia." "Patricia's amazing." "She makes coffee nervous." "We should announce ourselves to the neighborhood: "Here we come. "" "This is the Upper West Side." "We might as well tell them we're opening a crack house." "They're going to hate us." "They'll be lining up to picket the big bad chain store..." "... that'soutto destroy" "Everything they hold dear." "We're going to seduce them with our square footage..." "... andourdiscounts and our deep armchairs..." "... andourcappuccino." "They're going to hate us at the beginning..." "... butwe'llgetthemintheend." "And you know why?" "Why?" "Because we'll sell cheap books and legal addictive stimulants." "In the meantime, we'll just put up a big sign:" ""Coming Soon, a Fox Books Superstore." "The End of Civilization..." "...As You Know lt!"" "Good morning, Christina." "Morning, Kathleen." "Isn't it just the most beautiful day?" "I guess." "Yeah, sure." "Idiot, what are you doing?" "I got the green light!" "Don't you love New York in the fall?" "Perfect." "Can't beat that." "Scotch tape?" "What is going on with you?" "Nothing." "You're in love." "In love?" "No." "Yes, that's right!" "I'm in love with Frank." "I'm practically living with Frank." "Could you get our Christmas mailers out this week?" "By Monday, I promise." "I have this paper due Friday." "What is going on?" "Nothing at all." "You know, I am just going to stand here until you tell me." "All right." "Is it infidelity if you're involved with someone on e-mail?" "Have you had sex?" "No, I don't even know him." "I mean cybersex." "Don't do it." "The minute you do, they lose all respect for you." "It's not like that." "We just e-mail." "It's really nothing." "On top of which, I'm thinking of stopping because it's getting... ." "Out of hand?" "Confusing." "But not." "Because it's nothing." "Where'd you meet him?" "Listen, I can't even remember." "On my birthday, I wandered into the "over 30" room for a joke, sort of." "And he was there." "And we started chatting." "About what?" "Books and music, how much we both love New York... ." "Harmless, harmless." "Meaningless." "Bouquets of sharpened pencils." "Excuse me?" "Forget it." "We don't talk about anything personal, so I don't know his name..." "... orwhathe does or where he lives exactly..." "... soit'llbe easyfor metostop seeing him, because I'm not." "He could be the next person to walk into the store." "I know." "He could be..." "... George." "Morning." "Are you online?" "As far as I'm concerned..." "... thelnternetis justanotherway of being rejected by a woman." "Good morning, Birdie." "What are you girls talking about?" "Cybersex." "I tried once, but I kept getting a busy signal." "I know." "I was really depressed one Saturday night about 9:00" "Time to open up!" "Jessica and Maya, how are you today?" "Want to say hi to Kathleen?" "Hi, Kathleen." "May I help you?" "Construction's going well." "We should open on time." "Although Kevin and I are concerned about the neighborhood response." "This fabric on the couch, what is it?" "Money." "Its name is money." "Gillian selected it." "Good guess." "Your father's getting married again." "Really?" "Congratulations!" "Why?" "Who knows?" "Love?" "Possible." "You're a damn fool!" "Pops, Matthew is four years old, okay?" "It'd be nice if his parents were married." "Listen, I have a sad announcement to make." "City Books..." "... on23rdStreet." "It's going under." "Another independent bites the dust." "On to the next!" "Going to buy out their inventory of architecture..." "... andNewYorkhistory for the new store." "How much you paying, son?" "It won't be as much as that uncomfortable mohair episode there..." "... whichisnowall overmysuit." "Here you go." "We'll also have a section dedicated to writers from the West Side." "As a sop to the neighborhood." "Keep those West Side, liberal nuts, pseudo-intellectual" "Readers, Dad." "They're called readers." "Don't romanticize them." "It'll keep them..." "... fromjumpingdownyourthroat." "What's the competition?" "One mystery store, Sleuth, at 78th and Amsterdam..." "... anda children'sbookstore, Shop Around The Corner." "It's been there forever." "Cecilia's store." "Who's that?" "Cecilia Kelly." "Lovely woman." "I think we might have had a date once." "Or maybe we just exchanged letters." "You wrote her letters?" "Mail." "It was called mail." "Stamps, envelopes" "I've heard of it." "Cecilia had beautiful penmanship." "She was too young for me..." "... butshewas..." "... enchanting." "Enchanting?" "Her daughter owns it now." "Too bad for her." "Excuse me, Mr. Fox." "My father is getting married again." "For 5 years, he's been living with Gillian  who studied decorating at Caesar's Palace." "Is it porcelain?" "Rubber." "Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today I saw one." "It got on at 42nd and off at 59th  where, I assume it went to Bloomingdale 's  to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake." "As almost all hats are." "Listen to this:" "Every night a truck pulls up to my neighborhood bagel place and pumps a ton of flour into underground tanks." "The air is filled with white dust which never seems to land." "Why is that?" "Confession:" "I've read Pride and Prejudice about 200 times." "I get lost in the language." "Words like  "thither. "" ""Mischance. "" ""Felicity. "" "I'm always in agony over whether Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are really going to get together." "Read it." "I know you'll love it." "The purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability  to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee." "Short, tall, lite, dark caf, decaf. .." "...lo w-fat, nonfat et cetera." "Mocha frappuccino grande." "So people who don 't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95 get notjust a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self." "Tall!" "Decaf!" "Cappuccino!" "Tall decaf cappuccino." "Bummer!" "A Fox Books Superstore." "Quel nightmare." "It has nothing to do with us." "It's big..." "... impersonal..." "... overstockedandfull of ignorant salespeople." "But they discount." "But they don't provide any service." "We do." "So, really  it'sa gooddevelopment." "You know how in the flower district there are all those shops..." "... soyoucanfindwhateveryouwant?" "This is going to be the book district." "If they don't have it, we do." "And vice versa." "Absolutely." "When you are finished with Fox Books..." "... TheShopAroundThe Corner will be responsible..." "... forreversingtheentirecourse of the lndustrial Revolution." "Well, now, that is so sweet!" "Thank you." "That is so sweet." "Although l" "What?" "Wait a minute." "What is that doing here?" "Oh, my gosh!" "This is amazing." "Listen." "The Olympia Report Deluxe Electric." "Report." "As in gunshot." "That sound is familiar." "Listen to this." "What, that whirring?" "The gentle, soothing lullaby..." "... ofa pieceof machinerysoperfect" "I know where I've heard that before." "I needed a backup." "Don't you have another one at your apartment?" "I might!" "That you wrote a column about?" "Who cares?" "What were you going to say?" "When?" "Before." "Nothing." "Come on." "I'm just wondering." "I'm wondering about my work." "What is it that I do, exactly?" "All I really do is" "All you really do..." "... isthisincrediblynoblething." "I don't know." "Really, I'm just" "You are a lone reed." "You are a lone..." "... reed..." "... standing..." "... tall..." "... wavingboldly..." "... inthecorruptsands..." "... ofcommerce." "I am a lone reed." "I am a lone reed." "Sometimes I wonder about my life." "I lead a small life." "Well, valuable, but small." "And sometimes I wonder do I do it because I like it or because I haven 't been brave?" "So much of what I see reminds me of something in a book  when shouldn 't it be the other way around?" "I don 't want an answer." "Ijust want  to send this cosmic question into the void." "So good night, dear void." "I know you!" "Hello, Annabel, little girl." "How are you?" "And you!" "Matthew, how are you?" "Good." "Ready to say hello to New Jersey?" "Hello, New Jersey!" "Don't I get a "hello"?" "Hello, Gillian." "Kiss me." "I'll be your wicked stepmother." "There you go." "Hello." "And who is this?" "Nanny Maureen." "In case you couldn't handle the kids." "Maureen's getting a divorce." "I'm sorry to hear that." "It's my own fault." "Never marry a man who lies." "That is so wise." "Annabel, remember that." "She taught Matt to spell his name." "Really?" "Let's hear it." "F-O-X." "Excellent!" "I've got this covered." "You can have the day off." "And you must be late for something." "Volunteering, rolling bandages..." "... forBosnianrefugees." "I am." "I'm having my eggs harvested." "And getting those eggs harvested." "Don't worry!" "See you later." "Bye, Mom." "All right, you guys, are you ready to go out on the boat?" "What happened to you?" "Come on, one more time." "Here, you can do that one." "What do we win?" "Look, look, look!" "How are the fish?" "Very well, very happy." "Are they?" "You guys want to go to a movie?" "There's nothing good playing." "Look!" "The storybook lady." "Are we at the right time?" "Yeah, let's go." ""That it was I and I alone who had..." "... theideaforthe  great and daring mouse plot." "We all have our moments of brilliance and glory..." "... andthiswasmine." "'Why don't we,' I said..." "... 'slipitintoone of Mrs. Pratchett's jars of sweets?" "And then..." "... whensheputsher handin to grab a handful..." "... shewillgrabastinky dead mouse instead.'" "The other four stared at me in wonder." "Then, as the sheer genius of the plot began to sink in..." "... theyallstartedgrinning." "They slapped me on the back, cheered and danced around the classroom." "'We will do it today!" "' they cried." "'We'll do it on the way home." "You had the idea,' they said to me." "'So you can be the one who puts the mouse in the jar.' "" "Who belongs to this fish?" "That's mine." "Could you help me with these books?" "And this is her best friend Tacy, whose real name is Anastasia." "And the next book, Betsy and Tacy become friends with Tib..." "... whoserealname,Iam sorry to tell you, is Thelma." "The illustrations are hand-tipped." "And that's why it costs so much?" "That's why it's worth so much." "I want all of them." "I'll think about it." "That's a lot for your dad to buy at one time." "My dad gets me all the books I want." "That's very nice of him." "That's not my dad." "That's my nephew." "I don't really think that he could be your nephew." "It's true." "Annabel is my aunt." "Isn't that right, Aunt Annabel?" "And Matt is his" "Wait, let me guess." "Are you his uncle?" "His grandfather?" "His great-grandfather?" "I'm his brother!" "Matt is my father's son." "Annabel is my grandfather's daughter." "We are..." "... anAmericanfamily." "Here you go." "What's that?" "That's a handkerchief." "Do children not know what handkerchiefs are?" "A handkerchief is a Kleenex you don't throw away." "See?" "My mother embroidered this." "My initials and a daisy, because daisies are my favorite flower." "May I ask who you are?" "Kathleen Kelly." "I own this store." "And you are?" "Just call me Joe." "We'll take these." "You're going to come back, aren't you?" "Of course." "See?" "That is why we won't go under." "Our customers are loyal." "They're opening a Fox Books around the corner." "Fox Books!" "My daddy" "Likes to buy discount." "Don't tell!" "It's nothing to be proud of." "F-O-X." "That's amazing!" "You can spell fox." "Can you spell dog?" "F-O-X." "Look at this pop-up dinosaur book." "Wouldn't you like to have a dinosaur book like that?" "Wouldn't you like to read that?" "Sit here and read Matt the book until I take care of things." "Whatever you do, just don't listen to anything I say." "Thank you." "We'll take that pop-up book as well." "The world is not driven by discounts." "I've been in business forever." "I started helping my mother when I was six, and I watched her." "She wasn't just selling books." "She was helping people become what they were going to be." "When you read a book as a child, it becomes part of your identity..." "... ina waythatnootherreading in your whole life does." "And I have gotten carried away." "Yeah, you have." "You've made me feel... ." "Enchanting." "Your mother was enchanting." "Yes, she was." "How will you pay?" "Cash." "How did you know that?" "From the photograph." "That you in the photograph?" "What are you doing?" "Twirling." "My mother and I used to twirl." "She left the store to me, and I'll leave it to my daughter." "$73, please." "How much?" "$73." "How old is your daughter now?" "I don't have a daughter." "I'm not married." "But eventually... ." "So the big bad Fox Books can just go to hell." "Here you go." "Thank you." "We're ready?" "This is nice." "Goodbye, Annabel." "Goodbye, Matt." "Matt, I have to ask you another thing." "Can you spell cat?" "F-O-X." "Cat!" "Thanks." "Good thing it wasn't the fish." "Take care!" "No protests, no demonstrations." "The neighborhood loves us." "They're wondering where we've been all these years..." "... howtheydidwithoutus." "It's a hit!" "How's the children's department?" "It's early." "School's not out." "And there is that children's store nearby." "Cecilia's store." "Cecilia Kelly." "We might have had a date once." "Her daughter owns it now." "We'll crush it!" "She was enchanting." "They've been open 6 days." "And we did $1 200 less..." "... thanthesameweeklast year ." "That could be a fluke, right?" "Or not." "Their store is new." "It's a novelty." "It'll all shake out." "Meanwhile, I'll put up more lights." "That's a fine idea." "What if we have to fold?" "I'll never find another part-time job." "Then I won't be able to pay my rent, and I'll have to move." "To Brooklyn!" "The joy of rent control." "Six rooms..." "... $ 450a month." "You've told us a million times." "I can't believe you're bringing this up at a time like this." "It's like those people who brag because they're tall." "We are not going to fold." "This place is a tomb." "I'm going to the nut shop, where it's fun." "Miranda!" "Kathleen, are you surviving?" "We're excited about your new book." "When should we schedule a signing?" "It's being published in January." "Will you be in business in January?" "I'm so worried." "We're doing great." "Aren't we?" "No difference whatsoever!" "Great." "Thank God!" "You can count on me for anything." "Support, rallies, picket lines." "We can get the Times to write something." "Or that nut from the Observer." "What nut in the Observer ?" "Frank something-or-other." "The one who's in love with his typewriter." "It's just the sort of thing to outrage him." "She called me a nut?" "That's not the point." "She thinks my store is in trouble." "Why'd she say that?" "There's enough business for us all." "Yes, there is." "We are fine." "You're more than fine." "You're absolutely fine." "We are fine." "How are you?" "Fine." "Vince will be so happy to see you." "Congratulations!" "This is amazing." "He said:" ""You should go to a retreat." "You really should go to a retreat. "" "Honey, will you get me another drink?" ""lt's a great place..." "... tocalmdown."" "He said that." "Isn't that hilarious?" "Champagne, please." "Stoli on the rocks." "But a fresh glass, please." "White wine, please." "Here you go." "Do you remember me?" "Of course I remember you." "How's your aunt?" "She's great." "Thanks." "I'd better go deliver this." "I have a thirsty date." "She's part camel." "Joe, right?" "Joe, isn't it?" "And you are Kathleen." "Kathleen Kelly." "Two white wine, please." "I cannot believe that you were speaking to Joe Fox." "Joe Fox?" "As in" "As in, he's going to take over everything." "Fox?" "Your last name is Fox." "F-O-X." "God!" "I didn't realize" "I didn't know" "Who you were with?" "I didn't know who you were with." "Excuse me?" "It's from The Godfather." "Sorry, it's from The Godfather." "It's when the movie producer realizes that Tom Hagen..." "... isanemissaryofVito Corleone." "Just before the horse's head ends up in the bed..." "... withallthebloodysheets." "Wakes up and it's" "Never mind." "You were spying on me, weren't you?" "You probably rented those children." "Why would I spy on you?" "Because I am your competition, which you know..." "... oryouwouldn'thaveputupthe sign:" ""Just around the corner. "" "Our store entrance is around the corner." "There's no other way to say it." "It's not the name of our store." "It's where it is." "And you do not own the phrase "around the corner. "" "What is that?" "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "You're taking all the caviar?" "That caviar is a garnish." "I came into your store because..." "... Iwasspendingthe day  with Annabel and Matt." "I was buying them presents." "I'm the type of guy who buys his way into the hearts of children." "There was only one place to find a children's book in the neighborhood." "That won't always be the case." "And it was yours." "And it is..." "... acharminglittlebookstore." "You probably sell, what, $350,000 worth of books in a year." "How did you know that?" "I'm in the book business." "I am in the book business." "I see." "And we are the Price Club." "Only instead of a ten-gallon vat of olive oil for $3.99..." "... thatwon'tevenfit inyour  cabinet, we sell cheap books." "Me, a spy?" "Absolutely!" "I have in my possession the secret printout of the sales figures..." "... ofa bookstoreso inconsequential, yet full of its own virtue..." "... thatI hadto rushoverforfear it will put me out of business." "What?" "How you doing?" "Frank Navasky." "Joe Fox." "The inventor of the superstore." "The enemy of the mid-list novel." "The destroyer of City Books." "How do you sleep at night?" "I use a wonderful over-the-counter drug." ""Ultra-dorm. "" "Just take a half." "You'll wake without even a tiny hangover." "You're Frank Navasky, aren't you?" "Your last piece in the Observer  aboutAnthonyPowellwas brilliant." "Brilliant!" "I'm Patricia Eden." "Eden Books." "This man is the greatest living expert..." "... onJuliusandEthelRosenberg." "You really liked" "This is Kathleen Kelly." "My piece?" "I just-- I'm flattered." "You write these things." "You think somebody'll mention them." "The phone doesn't ring and you think:" ""l'm a fraud." "I'm a failure. "" "You know what fascinated me about Julius and Ethel Rosenberg?" "Is how old they looked when they were really just our age." "You know?" "I'm so happy to have finally met you." "Have you ever thought about doing a book?" "It's crossed my mind, something relevant for today..." "... liketheLudditemovementin 1 9th century England." "We should talk." "Call me." "Have you ever had a caviar garnish?" "I had no idea Frank Navasky..." "... wasgoingto be so down-to-earth." "You read his stuff..." "... youthinkhe 'sgoingtobe so obscure and abstruse." "He's always talking about Heidegger..." "... andFoucault." "And I have no idea what it's about, really." "I'm not tired." "I'm not." "Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself?" "That a Pandora 's box of all the secret, hateful parts  your arrogance, your spite  your condescension has sprung open?" "Someone provokes you, and instead of smiling and moving on, you zing them?" ""Hello, it's Mr. Nasty. "" "I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about." "I know what you mean, and I'm completelyjealous." "When I'm provoked I get tongue-tied." "My mind goes  blank." "Then I toss and turn all night  trying to figure out what I should've said." "What should I have said, for example, to the  bottom-dweller..." "... whorecentlybelittled my existence?" "Nothing." "Nothing." "Even now." "Even now  dayslater..." "...I can 't figure it out." "Wouldn 't it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you?" "Then I'd never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time." "And we'd be happy." "On the other hand, I must warn you:" "When you finally say the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follo ws." "Do you think we should meet?" "Meet?" "Oh, my God!" "$72.27." "This is a cash-only line." "Cash only." "Oh, my God!" "I just have a credit card." "I'm sorry." "Is that okay?" "No, it's not okay." "There's a sign." "I'm sorry." "I'm very sorry." "I'm asking you to make an exception in this one case." "You have no cash?" "She has no cash." "No, she has no cash." "Get on another line, lady." "I have a dollar." "That's all." "I have a dollar." "One dollar." "Is there anything you can do?" "Need some money?" "I do not need any money." "Thank you very much." "Get in another line." "Rose." "That is a great name." "Rose." "This is Kathleen." "I'm Joe" "And I'm Henry." "Henry, how are you?" "Happy holidays." "This is a credit card machine." "Happy Thanksgiving." "It's your turn to say "Happy Thanksgiving" back." "Happy Thanksgiving back." "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Orange." "Orange who?" "Orange you going to give us a break..." "... byzippingthiscreditcard  through the machine?" "You can do it." "Zip, zip." "There you go." "Rose?" "That is a great name." "So you're fine." "Fine." "Happy Thanksgiving." "Henry, happy Thanksgiving." "I'm so sorry." "From the bottom of my heart." "So sign already!" "I'd like to get home." "You have my pen." "The sun will come out tomorrow" "Bet your bottom dollar that" "Tomorrow there'll be sun" "Just thinking about tomorrow" "Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow" "Till there's none" "When I'm stuck with a day that's gray" "And lonely" "Ijust stick out my chin and grin" "And say:" "Oh, the sun will come out tomorrow" "So you got to hang on till tomorrow" "Come what may" "Tomorrow, tomorrow" "I love you, tomorrow" "You're always a day" "Away" "Wonderful!" "Thank you." "The violins" "Sing with joyful ring" "The violins" "Sing with joyful ring" "The clarinet, the clarinet" "Goes doodly, doodly, doodly, doodly det" "The horn, the horn" "It sounds...." "The horn sounds so forlorn" "I got it." ""lt's coming on Christmas." "They're cutting down trees. "" "Do you know that Joni Mitchell song?" ""l wish I had a river I could skate away on. "" "Such a sad song." "And not really about Christmas." "I was thinking about it tonight as I was decorating my tree." "Unwrapping ornaments made of Popsicle sticks and missing my mother so much I almost couldn 't breathe." "I always miss my mother at Christmas." "But it is worse this year since I need some advice from her." "I need her to make me cocoa." "And tell me that everything going badly in my life will sort itself out." "What kind of advice do you need?" "Can I help?" "Can you help?" "I wish you could help." "I wish...." "I had a feeling you'd be online now." "I can give you advice." "I'm great at advice." "If only you could help." "Is it about love?" "Please say no." "No." "How cute is that?" "My business is in trouble." "Well!" "I'm a brilliant businessman." "It's what I do best." "What's your business?" "No specifics." "Remember?" "Minus specifics, it's hard to help except to say:" ""Go to the mattresses. "" ""Except to say, 'Go to the matt--' "" "What?" "What does that mean?" "It's from The Godfather." "It means you have to go to war." "What is it with men and The Godfather ?" "Hello?" "Oh, come on." "Hello?" "Well... ." "Well, what can l... ." "Michael" "The Godfather is the l-Ching." "The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom." "The Godfather is the answer to any question." "What should I pack for my vacation?" ""Leave the gun." "Take the cannoli. "" "What day of the week is it?" ""Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday. "" "The answer to your question is:" ""Go to the mattresses. "" "You're at war." ""lt's not personal, it's business." "It's not personal." "It's business. "" "Recite that to yourself every time you're losing your nerve." "I know you worry about being brave." "Don't." "This is your chance." "Fight!" "Fight to the death!" "It's not personal." "It's business." "Just fight!" "Fight!" "I've been thinking." "What?" "I'm going to the mattresses." "Would it be a conflict of interest if you wrote about the store?" "Yes." "Yes?" "No." "So you'll do it?" "Do you know what it is to go to the mattresses?" "From The Godfather." "Good morning, Shop Around The Corner." "May I help you?" "The Channel 2 truck just pulled up." "In a second." "Everyone's read the article." ""So you do not have to look to the usual places..." "... wheregoodandevilface off..." "... theplacesHerodotuscalled 'the happy land of absolutes.'" "We have the perfect example on the West Side..." "... wherethecoldcashcow,  Fox Books..." "... threatenssurvivalof atemple..." "... tooneof thetwentiethcentury's most profound truths:" "You are what you read. "" "I believe that." ""Save The Shop Around The Corner..." "... andyouwillsaveyour soul ."" "Frank, that's charming." "Is it a little over the top?" "That was The Village Voice." "I told them to come over whenever." ""Float like a butterfly." "Sting like a bee. "" "One, two, three, four!" "We don't want your superstore!" "Five, six, seven, eight!" "Go away and close the gate!" "One, two, three, four!" ""We don't want this superstore. "" "Is that it?" "Catchy." "Who wrote that?" "Annoying." "Pissing me off." "Do you want the West Side  tobecomeonebig , gigantic strip mall?" "Do you want to get off the subway at 72nd and Broadway..." "... andnotevenknow you're in New York City?" "Can we save The Shop Around The Corner?" "We're here at The Shop Around The Corner, the West Side children 's bookstore on the verge of having to close its doors because the big bad wolf, Fox Books, has opened nearby  wooing customers with its sharp discounts and designer coffee." "They have to have discounts and lattes because their workers have never read a book." "She's not as nice as she seems on TV." "You met her?" "Boy, she's a pill!" "Probably ain't as fine as she look on TV." "No, no." "She's beautiful." "But..." "... she'sa pill." "You don't feel bad..." "... aboutsendingherass back to the projects with food stamps?" "Broke, single, white lady." "It's not personal." "It's business." "Here's a good-looking guy." "I sell cheap books." "So sue me." "That, in a nutshell, is the Fox Books philosophy." "That's what you said?" "Discount them and sell them." "That's not all I said!" "I can't believe those bastards." "I said we were great!" "I said you could read for hours and no one will bother you." "I said we had 1 50,000 titles." "I said we were a goddamn piazza." "A place where people could mingle." "Piazza?" "I was eloquent!" "Shit!" "It's inevitable." "People want to turn her into Joan of Arc." "And you into Attila the Hun." "Not me personally, but the company, yeah." "I have met Joe Fox." "I've heard him compare his store to a Price Club and the books in it to cans of olive oil." "The bookstore, tell us about it." "The Shop Around The Corner has a kind of Jeffersonian purity to it  that the city needs in order to maintain historical integrity." "Jeffersonian purity." "That was nice." "Thank you." "Are you taping this?" "I'm taping this." "Technologically speaking, the world's out of hand." "Take the VCR." "The whole idea behind the VCR is that it makes it possible for you to tape what's on TV when you leave the house." "The whole idea behind leaving the house is so you can miss what's on television." "I've heard you say that before." "She hasn't." "Absolutely!" "Right!" "She gets it." "Radio." "There's a medium I can get behind." "Will you start collecting radios?" "We're on television." "You're good at it." "She's coming on to you." "They do this on television." "The Shop Around The Corner it's a true New York treasure." "As are you." "Honestly, I'd love to have you back." "Is she sweating?" "She's touching herself And she's sweating." "Anytime." "We can turn it off." "Oh, my God." "Ijust want to say that yours is the only show I watch." "Oh, my God!" "No!" "I was being polite." "Thank you, Frank Navasky." "Thank you're... ?" "I'm sorry." "Thank you're?" "Thank you're, ladies and gentlemen." "I slobbered all over her, didn't I?" "But I think that there's something there." "So first, I got to go get some eucalyptus candles..." "... becauseitmakes my apartment smell mossy." "Then I'm going to the market, and I can't decide whether to get..." "... sausageforthemeatsauce, or chopped meat." "Spare us." "You know what?" "Clam sauce." "Because this is a big date." "Don't tell me." "Not the slightest difference?" "How can that be?" "All this publicity and not one bit of difference?" "Birdie, what am I going to do?" "What would Mom have done?" "Well, let's ask her." "Cecilia, what should we do?" "She has no idea." "But she thinks the window display is lovely." "Good night, dearie." "I need help." "Do you still want to meet me?" "I would love to meet you." "Where?" "When?" "So I suppose she's carrying a copy of a book with a flower in it?" "Not really?" "She could be a real dog, man." "I'm only staying 1 0 minutes." "I'll say hello, have a cup of coffee and then I'll split." "Hope she doesn't have a squeaky voice like the mice in Cinderella." "Why am I doing this?" "Why am I compelled to meet her?" "Relax." "You're taking it to the next level." "I always do that." "I always take a relationship to the next level." "If that works out, I take it to the next level after that." "Till I reach that level where it becomes absolutely necessary..." "... formeto leave." "I won't stay that long anyway." "I already said that, didn't I?" "Yes, you did." "Café Lalo." "This is it." "Eight o'clock." "We got here fast, didn't we?" "Kevin..." "... thiswomanis themost adorable creature." "If she turns out even to be as good-looking as a mailbox..." "... I'dbecrazynot toturn mylife upside down and marry her." "She could be a real dog." "But good luck." "Would you go and look for me?" "Go look through the window and check her out." "Please?" "All right." "You're pathetic, man." "I'll see what I see." "You see her?" "Wait, yeah." "I see a very beautiful girl." "She's fine." "I knew it." "She's gorgeous." "I knew she would be." "But no book." "All right." "Okay, wait." "Wait a minute." "There's a book with a flower." "So this got to be her." "What does she look like?" "Can't see." "Waiter's blocking." "Damn it!" "He's moving." "Can you see her?" "Can you see her?" "Yeah." "And?" "She's very pretty." "She is!" "I knew she would be!" "She had to be!" "She had to be!" "You know what?" "She look" "I mean, she almost has the same coloring as..." "... thatKathleenKellyperson." "Kathleen Kelly of the bookstore?" "Why not?" "You said you thought she was attractive." "Absolutely." "Why not?" "Who cares about Kathleen Kelly?" "Well, if you don't like Kathleen Kelly..." "... Icantellyou rightnow..." "... youwon'tlikethisgirl ." "Why not?" "Because it is Kathleen Kelly." "What are you going to do?" "Nothing." "You're going to let her wait all night?" "That's exactly what I'm going to do." "Good night." "I'll see you in the morning." "Do you mind if I borrow this chair?" "Yes, I mind." "Sorry." "I'm expecting someone." "Would you like another tea?" "Yes." "Thank you." "This is a coincidence." "Would you mind if I sat down?" "Yes, I would, actually." "I'm expecting someone." "Pride and Prejudice." "Do you mind?" "I bet you read that book every year." "I bet you just love that..." "... Mr.Darcy." "Your sentimental heart beats wildly at the thought he and..." "... whateverhernameisaretruly , honestly going to end up together." "Can I get you something?" "He's not staying." "Mochaccino decaf, nonfat." "You are not staying!" "I'll stay until your friend gets here." "Is he late?" "The heroine of Pride and Prejudice is Elizabeth Bennet." "She is a great and complex character." "Not that you would know." "As a matter of fact, I've read it." "Good for you." "You'd discover a lot if you really knew me." "I know what I'd find." "Instead of a brain, a cash register." "Instead of a heart, a bottom line." "What?" "I just had a breakthrough." "What is it?" "For the first time, when confronted with a horrible person..." "... IknewwhatIwantedtosay , and I said it." "You have a gift for it." "That's a perfect blend of poetry and meanness." "Let me tell you about meanness." "Don't misunderstand." "I'm paying you a compliment." "What are you doing?" "Is this a red rose?" "No, it's a crimson rose." "Something you read in a book." "It's funny to you, isn't it?" "Everything is a joke to you." "Please leave." "Please leave, I beg you." "Thank you." "That hanky reminds me of the first day I met you." "First day you lied to me." "I didn't lie." "You did too." "No, I didn't." "Yes, you did." "You did too." "I thought that Fox stuff was so charming." "F-O-X." "I didn't lie about it." ""Just call me Joe. "" "Sure." "As if you were a stupid 22-year-old girl with no last name." ""Hi, I'm Kimberly. " "Hi, I'm Janice. "" "It's like they're an entire generation of cocktail waitresses." "Look." "I am not a cocktail waitress." "That's not what I meant." "What I said about Price Club, that's not what I meant." "You poor, sad multimillionaire." "I feel so sorry for you." "I'll take a wild guess that's not him, either." "So who is he, I wonder?" "Certainly not the world's greatest expert..." "... onJuliusandEthelRosenberg." "But somebody else entirely different." "Will you be mean to him too?" "No, I will not." "The man who is coming here is completely unlike you." "The man who is coming here is kind and funny." "He's got a wonderful sense of humor." "But..." "... he'snothere." "If he's not, he has a reason..." "... becausethereis notacruel or careless bone in his body." "I wouldn't expect you to understand." "You, with your theme park, homogenize-the-world mochaccinoland." "You think you're a benefactor bringing books to the masses." "But no one will ever remember you." "And maybe no one will remember me." "But plenty of people remember my mother." "They think she was fine." "They think her store was something special." "You are nothing but a suit." "That's my cue." "Good night." "So then the agent asks for $600,000 and I said to her:" ""lf you think I'm even going to talk..." "... aboutpayingthatkindof advance for an author..." "... whoselastbookisbeingused as trivets all over the world..." "... youarecompletelycrazy."" "She was insulting, and the only thing pleasant about her..." "... wasthewayher hair fell across her forehead." "Underneath that disagreeable exterior, she may be" "A real bitch!" "Let's not talk about it." "I'm sure you have work to do." "Not really." "This place is a well-oiled machine, my friend." "So?" "What happened?" "He never came." "He stood you up." "I wouldn't characterize it that way." "I think something happened." "Something unexpected that made it impossible for him to... ." "What if he showed up, took one look at me and left?" "Not possible." "Maybe there was a subway accident." "Absolutely!" "A train got trapped underground with him inside." "And no phone." "And you know how those express trains create suction." "He got sucked onto the tracks." "The third rail." "He's toast!" "What happened?" "He was unable to make it." "He stood you up?" "Maybe he had a car accident." "Those cab drivers are maniacs." "They hit something and you slam into that plastic partition." "Or his elbows could be in splints, so he couldn't dial." "Or he could be unconscious." "In a coma." "Stuck in intensive care." "With a heart monitor beeping." "And like... ." "No phone." "What are you saying?" "It could be." "He was arrested near the café." "Is there a picture?" "That explains it." "He was in jail." "And there was a phone." "He only got one call, so he called his lawyer." "You are so lucky!" "You could be dead." "He couldn't be the Rooftop Killer!" "Remember when you thought Frank might be the Unabomber?" "That was different." "How long did you sit there alone?" "Not long." "Joe Fox came in." "I don't want to talk about it." "Let's get to work." "There's got to be something to do." "Look at this." "He looks kind of cute." "So?" "He was unavoidably detained." "He stood you up?" "I've been thinking about you." "Last night I went to meet you, and you weren 't there." "I wish I knew why." "I felt so foolish." "As I waited, someone else showed up." "A man who has made my professional life a misery." "And an amazing thing happened." "I was able, for the first time  to say the exact thing I wanted to say at the exact moment I wanted to say it." "And of course, afterwards I felt terrible just as you said I would." "I was cruel, and I'm never cruel." "Though I hardly believe what I said mattered to this man." "To him, I am just a bug to be crushed." "But what if it did?" "No matter what he's done to me, there is no excuse for my behavior." "Anyway I so wanted to talk to you." "I hope you have a reason for not coming." "You don 't seem like the kind of person who 'd do that." "The thing about this form of communication is you're likely to talk about nothing." "But ljust want to say all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings." "So, thanks." "Goodbye." "I am in  Vancouver." "I was stuck in a meeting which I couldn 't get out of. .." "...and  the electricity went out." "And  we were trapped on the 38th floor." "And the telephone system blew too." "Amazingly enough." "Dear friend:" "I cannot tell you what happened last night." "But I beg you from the bottom of my heart  to forgive me for not being there." "For what happened." "I feel terrible that you found yourself in a situation  that caused you additional pain." "But I'm absolutely sure  that whatever you said last night was provoked." "Even deserved." "Everyone says things they regret when they're stressed." "You were expecting to see someone you trusted and met the enemy instead." "The fault is mine." "Someday I'll explain everything." "Meanwhile I'm still here." "Talk to me." "Did he say he wanted to meet you again?" "No, not really." "It doesn't matter." "We'll be like George Bernard Shaw and Mrs.Campbell." "We'll write letters our whole lives." "Thank you for the scones." "They look lovely." "Birdie, where was this one taken?" "Seville." "When you fell madly in love?" "So, dearie, what have you decided to do?" "Close." "We're going to close." "Close." "Closing the store is the brave thing to do." "You are such a liar." "But thank you." "You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life." "I know it doesn't feel like that." "You feel like a big failure." "But you're not." "You are marching into the unknown, armed with..." "... nothing." "Have a sandwich." "Not nothing." "I have a little money saved." "If you need more, ask me." "I'm very rich." "I bought Intel at six." "I suppose you want me to tell you who it was..." "... Ifellmadlyinlove with ." "I'm not going to tell." "Who was it?" "Come on, tell." "That's so mean." "But so romantic." "It wasn't meant to be." "Why not?" "He ran Spain." "Spain?" "The country, he ran it." "It was his job." "And then he died." "Just as well." "Milk or lemon?" "She fell in love with Generalissimo Franco." "We don't know that for sure." "Who else could it have been?" "It was around 1 960." "Do you want popcorn?" "I can't believe this!" "It's not like he was something normal, like a socialist or an anarchist." "It happened in Spain." "People do stupid things in foreign countries." "They buy leather jackets for more than they're worth." "But they don't fall in love with fascist dictators." "Birdie is a very special person to me." "She is practically my surrogate mother." "She's out of her mind." "She is not!" "I could never be with anybody who doesn't take politics seriously." "Do you mind?" "A hot dog is singing." "You need quiet while a hot dog is singing?" "I have something to tell you." "I didn't vote." "What?" "In the last mayoral election..." "... whenRudyGiulianiwas running against Ruth Messinger..." "... Iwentto getamanicure." "And forgot to vote." "Since when do you get manicures?" "I suppose you could never be with a woman who got manicures?" "It's okay." "I forgive you." "You forgive me?" "Excuse me, I'm sorry." "Excuse me." "This has been a big week." "You're closing the store." "It's not that." "Really, it's not." "I know, I know." "That was terrible of me." "What was terrible?" "Jumping all over you when I'm the one... ." "I don't even know how to say this." "What is it?" "What?" "You're a wonderful person." "So are you." "And I'm so honored that you'd want to be with me..." "... becauseyouwouldn'tbewith  anyone who wasn't truly worthy." "I feel exactly the same way." "Don't say that." "That makes it worse." "What?" "You don't love me." "Me either." "You don't love me?" "No." "But we're so right for each other." "I know!" "Well, is there someone else?" "That woman on television, Sidney Ann." "Nothing has happened, but... ." "Is she a Republican?" "I can't help myself." "What about you?" "Is there someone else?" "No, but... ." "But there is the dream of someone else." "Grab a copy of The Trumpet of the Swan." "This is a tragedy." "These chairs for sale?" "Anything not nailed down." "Ten dollars, it's yours." "What are you going to do now?" "I think I'll take some time." "I'm almost looking forward to it." "Good luck to you." "I came here every Saturday when I was little." "I remember when your mother gave me Anne of Green Gables." ""Read it with a box of Kleenex," she told me." "Could someone help me?" "She's looking down on you now." "I'm sure she is." "Why don't we bomb Fox Books?" "Do you have..." "... the" shoe"books?" "Who's the author?" "I don't know." "My friend said my daughter has to read the "shoe" books, so here I am." "Noel Streatfeild." "Noel Streatfeild wrote Ballet Shoes and Skating Shoes  andTheatreShoes  andDancingShoesand ...." "I'd start with Ballet Shoes." "It's my favorite." "Although Skating Shoes is completely wonderful." "But it's out of print." "Streatfeild." "How do you spell that?" "S-T-R-E-A-T-F-E-l-L-D." "Thank you." "Kathleen Kelly." "It was like her name was in the air." "Just like that?" "Everyone was talking about her today." "Kathleen Kelly and her "situation. "" "And I was thinking that she'd make a great children's book editor." "What makes you think that?" "Well..." "... sheknowseverything." "She has flawless taste." "She's famous for it." "Salesmen swear by her." "If she likes the book, it sells." "Period!" "You're going to offer her a job?" "What else has she got to do?" "Now that she's destitute." "Thanks to you." "I don't see her working for you." "Why not?" "She lacks the killer instinct." "She's never fired anybody." "Look at that little shop." "Those people have been there forever." "Till recently, when they all lost their jobs." "Thanks to you." "Hold the elevator!" "Hello, Charlie." "I love how you've forgotten you had any role in her current situation." "It's so obtuse." "It's so insensitive." "Reminds me of someone." "Who does it remind me of?" "Me!" "What is going on?" "Could be stuck." "What are you doing?" "I hope it doesn't plummet." "Can it do that?" "It cannot plummet to the basement." "Hi, this is Joe Fox." "Who's this?" "Juan?" "We are stuck in the elevator between the sixth and seventh floor." "There's four of us." "If you don't get your ass up here now..." "... andgetus thehelloutofhere...!" "Listen." "Call the super and then 9-1 -1 ." "9-1 -1 ." "The fire department, that's right." "Thank you very much." "We should jump in the air." "What?" "We jump." "The elevator thinks no one is here and it opens." "One..." "... two..." "... three.Jump!" "If I get out of here..." "... I'mgoingto startspeaking to my momma." "Wonder what she's doing right this minute?" "If I ever get out of here..." "... I'mmarryingOrit." "I love her." "I should marry her." "I don't know what's stopping me." "If I ever get out of here, I'm having my eyes lasered." "If I ever get out" "Where are my Tic-Tacs?" "What?" "I came home tonight and got into the elevator." "An hour later, I got out of the elevator and Brinkley and I moved out." "Suddenly everything had become clear." "It's a long story full of the personal details we avoid." "Let me just say  there was a man in the elevator with me  who knew exactly what he wanted." "I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he." "People are always telling you that change is a good thing." "All they're saying is that something you didn 't want to happen has happened." "My store is closing this week." "I own a store." "Did I ever tell you that?" "It's a lovely store." "In a week it will be something depressing like a Baby Gap." "Soon we'lljust be a memory." "Some foolish person will think it's a tribute to this city." "The way it keeps changing on you, or the way you can never count on it." "I know because that's something I'd say." "But the truth is I'm heartbroken." "I feel as if a part of me has died and my mother has died all over again." "And no one can ever make it right." "What happened?" "Oh, hell!" "How are you?" "Dad, you did pretty well." "At least you didn't marry her." "Welcome aboard." "It lasted a while." "You know..." "... I'vestayedon thisboatafter..." "... let'ssee..." "... yourmother." "Laurette, the ballet dancer." "My nanny." "She was the nanny?" "I forgot that." "How ironic!" "Then there was the ice skater." "Also my nanny." "Really?" "That's amazingly ironic!" "And then there was Sybil." "It's an "A" word." "Astrologer." "Exactly." "Whose moon turned out to be in someone else's house." "Just like Gillian." "Gillian ran off with someone?" "The nanny." "Nanny Maureen?" "Gillian ran off with Nanny Maureen." "You got it!" "It's incredibly ironic." "That's true." "No other word for it." "Well, who's better than us?" "Father and son, together at last." "Who did you say you broke up with?" "Patricia." "You met her." "Would I like her?" "Just kidding, son." "Now, is this beautiful or what?" "I'll be living out of a suitcase for at least 3 weeks." "And then there's the inevitable legal hassle." "More of your inheritance down the drain." "Don't worry about it." "I won't." "I just have to meet someone new." "That's the easy part." "Right, yeah." "A snap to find the one person in the world who fills your heart with joy." "Don't be ridiculous." "Have I ever been with anybody who fit that description?" "Have you?" "Who is it?" "It's Joe Fox." "What are you doing here?" "May I please come up?" "No, I don 't...." "No, I don 't really think that that is a good idea, because I have a  Ihaveaterrible..." "... cold." "Can you hear that?" "I'm sniffling, and I'm not really awake." "I'm taking echinacea and vitamin C and sleeping practically  24hoursaday ." "I have a temperature." "And I think I'm contagious." "So I would  Iwouldreallyappreciateit if you'd just go away." "Just a second!" "Yes, just a second." "What are you doing here?" "I heard you were sick." "And I was worried." "I wanted to make sure" "Is there somebody here?" "It's the Home Shopping Network." "You buy any of those porcelain dolls?" "I was thinking about it." "You put me out of business." "Yes, I did." "Did you come to gloat?" "To offer me a job?" "I would never" "I have plenty of offers." "I got offered a job by" "By my former... ." "Your former?" "We broke up." "That's too bad." "You were so perfect for each other." "I don't mean to say things like that." "No matter what you've done..." "... there'snoexcuse for my saying that." "Every time I see you" "Things like that just fly out." "I brought you flowers." "Thank you." "Why don't I put these in water?" "You're sick." "You should sit down." "I need a vase." "Above the refrigerator." "There it is." "Obviously." "George says hello, by the way." "He told me you were sick." "How is George?" "Great, really great." "He's revolutionizing the place." "You can't work in his department..." "... unlessyouhaveaPh.D. in Children's Literature." "I love daisies." "You told me." "They're so friendly." "Don't you think daisies are the friendliest flower?" "I do." "When did you break up?" "Couple of weeks ago." "Everyone is breaking up." "You." "Me." "This other person broke up with someone in an elevator." "Or after it, or just outside it, or... ." "It got stuck." "When I saw you at the coffee place, I was waiting for him." "And I was... ." "Charming." "I was not charming." "You looked charming." "Tea?" "I was upset and horrible." "Honey?" "I was the horrible one." "Well, that's true." "But I have no excuse." "I see what you're saying." "That's interesting." "I am a horrible person..." "... thereforeI haveno choice but to be horrible." "That's what you're saying." "But that's all right." "I put you out of business, so..." "... you'reentitledto hateme." "I don't hate you." "But you'll never forgive me." "Just like Elizabeth." "Who?" "Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice." "She was too proud." "I thought you hated Pride and Prejudice." "Or was she too prejudiced..." "... andMr.Darcyistooproud ?" "I can't remember." "It wasn't personal." "What is that supposed to mean?" "I'm so sick of that!" "All that means is that it wasn't personal to you." "But it was personal to me." "It's personal to a lot of people." "What is so wrong with being personal anyway?" "Nothing." "Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal." "My head is starting to get fuzzy." "Why did you stop by again?" "I forget." "I wanted to be your friend." "I knew it wasn't possible." "Sometimes a guy just wants the impossible." "Can I ask you a question?" "What?" "What happened with that guy at the café?" "Nothing." "But you're crazy about him?" "Yes, I am." "Why don't you run off with him?" "What are you waiting for?" "I don't actually know him." "Really?" "I only know him through... ." "You won't believe this." "Let me guess." "Through the lnternet?" ""You've got mail. "" "Those are powerful words." "I'm happy for him." "Although... ." "Could I just make a suggestion?" "What?" "I think..." "... youshouldmeethim ." "Wait, I take that back." "Why would you meet somebody you're crazy about?" "I hardly think I need to take advice from a person who" "I can see I bring out the worst in you." "Let me help you to not say something..." "... you'lltortureyourselfabout for years to come." "I hope you feel better soon." "It'd be a shame to miss New York in the spring." "Thank you for the daisies." "You take care." "I will." "Goodbye." "I've been thinking about this and I think we should meet." "We should meet." "And we will meet." "But I'm in the middle of a project that needs  tweaking." "Some tweaking?" "A project that needed..." "... " tweaking."" "That's what he said." "T-W-E-A-K-l-N-G?" "It sounds to me like he's married." "Three kids." "That's a terrible thing to say." "He couldn't be married." "How do you know?" "Have you said, "Are you married?"" "No, I'm not going to" "I know this is a little late to be asking but are you married?" "Am I married?" "What kind of question is that?" "How can you ask me that?" "Don 't you know me at all?" "Wait, I get it." "Your friends are saying the reason we haven 't met is I'm married." "Am I right?" "He didn't answer." "Yes, he did." "He did not." "He did!" "He did." "He nailed me." "He knew what I was after which is, by the way, exactly like him." "He did not answer the question, did he?" "Maybe he's fat." "He's fat." "He's a fatty." "I don't care." "You don't care that he's so fat..." "... hehasto be removed from his house by a crane." "That is very unlikely." "That is completely ridiculous." "What's his handle?" "I'm not going to write him." "You think I'm going to e-mail him?" "All right, N-Y-1 -5-2." "N-Y-1 -5-2?" "He's 1 52 years old." "He's had 1 52 moles removed..." "... sonowhe 'sgot 1 52 pockmarks on his..." "... onhisface." "The number of people who think he looks like Clark Gable." "1 52 people who think he looks like a Clark Bar." "Why'd I even tell you?" "1 52 stitches from his nose job." "The number of his souvenir shot glasses..." "... thathe'scollected in his travels." "His address." "No, he would never do anything that prosaic." "The only thing I really care about is that..." "... asidefromthemarriedthing and the jail thing..." "... istheboatthing." "What boat thing?" "I could never be with someone who had a boat." "I have a boat." "Which clinches it." "We'll never be together." "How many?" "Three." "Allow me." "Thank you." "I could never be with someone who likes Joni Mitchell." ""lt's cloud's illusions I recall." "I really don't know clouds at all. "" "What does that mean?" "ls she a pilot?" "It must be a metaphor, but I don't know what it is." "How's your book coming?" "There's this children's book editor I know." "She's excited to read it when I'm finished." "Who would have thought that I would write?" "If I hadn't had all this time... ." "You know what?" "What?" "The truth is he was the one who got me thinking about writing." "Mr. 1 52 Felony Indictments." "Mr. 1 52 lnsights into My Soul." "No competing with that." "I keep on bumping into you." "Hope your mango's ripe." "I think it is." "You want to bump into me..." "... onSaturdayaroundlunchtime?" "Over there?" "How about meeting  Saturday?" "Four o 'clock." "There's a place in Riverside Park  where the path curves and there's a garden." "Brinkley and I will be waiting." "Okay, let's do it." "Ready?" "And... ." "There it goes!" "Today?" "I know." "In Riverside Park." "That would mean he's a Westsider." "Maybe I've seen him and don't even know it." "You could have seen him every day." "It's possible." "He could be anyone." "He could be that guy." "And those flowers are for you." "Could be the Zipper Man." "Who's that?" "The Zipper Man." "Who is that?" "He repairs zippers on Amsterdam Avenue." "Will you cut it out?" "You'd never have to buy new luggage." "The timing here is everything." "He's waited until you're primed." "See?" "Until you are absolutely convinced that there's no other man..." "... thatyoucouldpossiblylove ." "You know, sometimes I wonder." "What?" "If I hadn't been Fox Books..." "... andyouhadn'tbeen The Shop Around The Corner..." "... andyouandIhadjustmet." "I know." "I'd have asked for your number." "I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling and saying:" ""How about some coffee..." "... ordrinksor dinner..." "... ora movie..." "... foraslongas we both shall live. "" "You and I would never have been at war." "The only thing we'd fight about would be which video to rent." "Who fights about that?" "Some people." "Not us." "We would never." "If only." "I got to go." "Let me ask you something." "How can you forgive this guy for standing you up..." "... andnotforgiveme for this tiny little thing..." "... ofputtingyouout ofbusiness?" "How I wish you would." "I really have to go." "You don't want to be late." "Don't cry, Shopgirl." "Don't cry." "I wanted it to be you." "I wanted it to be you so badly."