"Oh, boy, what a day." "What happened, Ma?" "Butch and Sundance steal your seat on the bus?" "I had a miserable day at work." "The manager docked me a half a day's pay because I said hello to the customers." "You're not allowed to say hello to the customers?" "Not at Pecos Pete's Chow Wagon." "You have to say howdy." "As a matter of fact, you have to say," ""Howdy, partner." "How about a saddle bag of fries with that ranch house burger?"" "I don't know why it doesn't trip naturally off my tongue." "Sophia, they took half your day's pay just for that?" "This manager is a shark." "He's bucking for supervisor." "He told Mildred and Edna they can only take ten-minute bathroom breaks." "Ma, that's not unreasonable." "They're 85 years old." "It takes Mildred ten minutes to roll down her stockings." "You'll never guess what I got in the mail today." "If it's another adult toy from the back of a sleazy magazine, I'm not interested." " I am." "Let me see it." " Ma!" "You wait your turn." "It's a postcard from my daughter Rebecca." "Girls, can you believe it?" "After almost four years, my baby's coming to see me." "I'm so happy, I could cry." "Blanche, you are crying." "Admit it, Rose - you worked for Allied Intelligence during World War II." "Huh?" "Fine, play it cagey." " When is she coming, Blanche?" " She says in two weeks." "And look, she signs it, "Love, Rebecca."" " I guess that means she's forgiven me." " For what?" "It's difficult to talk about." "It started when she wanted to leave school to be a fashion model." " Your daughter's a fashion model?" " She's just beautiful." "Always has been." "Gorgeous blond hair, sparkling blue eyes." "A figure men would mortgage a house for." "We were always so much alike." "And so close, just like Siamese twins." "It's a shame when they separated you, you got both butts." "Yes." "Anyway, we had a terrible fight about her quitting school." "She told me to stay out of her life and ran off to Paris to become a model." "She swore she would never speak to me again, and she hasn't, till today." "That sounds like it's all in the past now." "I hope so." "I have missed her so much." "She's always been my favourite." "It sure makes me appreciate the special relationship I have with my daughter." " Pussycat." " Yes, Ma?" "Dial your sister for me." "I never remember the area code." "Uh-huh." "Yeah, right." "Six o'clock at Mildred's." "We're putting together a list of demands to present to that scuzzball McCracken at work tomorrow." "Good." "Oh, and, Edna, bring some sherry." "Nobody bought that glaucoma story when you whipped out that reefer last time." "No, no, you can't put it in brownies." "I said no reefers, OK?" "Goodbye." "The problems you're having at work remind me of something that happened in St Olaf." "Please." "Dust reminds you of something back in St Olaf." "I got work to do." "Oh, Ma, I moved some of your things into my room." " Why?" " Blanche's daughter arrives today." "You have to sleep with me." "Let me respond to that proposition the way your dates do." "No, thanks." "I'll call you sometime." "OK, girls, how do I look?" " Oh, Blanche, you look beautiful." " But do I look like a mother?" "Are you kidding?" "From the side, you look like you're about to drop twins." "Blanche, relax, honey." "You look lovely." "I'm so nervous about seeing Becky after such a long time." " I want everything to be perfect." " It will be." "I haven't seen her in four years." "I don't know what to say to her." "Johnny Carson had that same problem the other night with F. Murray Abraham." "Lord, that's her." "My beautiful baby girl." "Oh, gosh, I can't do this." "I'm not ready." " Blanche, come back here." " I need more time." "It's been four years!" "I need five more minutes." "I need four years and five minutes." "All right, all right, I'm coming." "Hi." "You're Blanche's daughter, the model?" "What did she model - car covers?" "You'll have to forgive my mother." "It's just that we didn't expect you to be this fat." "Becky, it's a pleasure meeting you." "I'm Dorothy." " This is Rose." " Hi." " This is my mother, Sophia." " It's nice to meet y'all." "So, Becky, what brings you to Miami?" "My guess is, a small barge." "Ma, why don't you see what's keeping Blanche?" " Mama." " Rebecca." "Honey, honey!" "Let me get a look at you." "This could take several hours." " Oh, darling, I have missed you so much." " I've missed you, too, Mama." "Come on, we should leave them alone." "Oh, no, don't you leave, girls." "I want my friends here to share my happiness, my enormous happiness." "Honey, tell me all about Paris." "Where'd you live, where'd you work?" "Where'd you find jeans that size?" " Sophia..." " No, Mama, it's OK." "I may have lost my figure, but I still have my sense of humour." " Does it bother you that I gained weight?" " I'm just so glad to have you back again." "I'll show you where you'll be staying, so you can unpack your things." "Now I understand why she's sleeping in Blanche's bed." "It can support the weight of an average female and two Venezuelan soccer players." " Here we are." " Oh, I love your home, Mama." "Oh, thank you." "Well, honey, tell me, how's your modelling career been going?" "Well, to be honest, Mama, not too well lately." " What have you been doing?" " You mean besides eating?" " I didn't say that." " That's what you meant." "Well, you have filled out a little bit." "But I don't want you to be upset over this now, cos we can fix it." "I'm gonna put you on a diet and make you stay on it." "Mama, I don't want your help." "I'm happy just the way I am." "Happy?" "Baby, look at yourself." "How could you be happy?" "You're the one that's not happy." "You're telling me how to live my life again." " What do you mean?" " Nothing's ever enough for you." "It wasn't enough that I was pretty" " I had to be the prettiest or the most popular." "I had to be the brightest." "Well, that didn't mean you had to run out and become the fattest." "Mama, you have to accept me for what I am." "Stop trying to tell me how to run my life." "Otherwise, I'm gonna have to leave again." "No, honey." "Oh, you know, you're absolutely right." "I'm sorry." "Oh, hey, I love you just the way you are." "Every last pound of you." "Just how exactly how many pounds is it I'm currently loving?" " Mama..." " Never mind." " Hi, Sophia." "How was your meeting?" " Terrible." "That weasel of a manager wouldn't budge an inch." "He pushed us to the wall." " Now it's all-out war." " What do you mean?" "Tomorrow morning, all Chow Wagon employees over the age of 70 are on strike." " You're gonna picket the restaurant?" " No, we're gonna put on war paint and shoot flaming arrows at the covered wagon out front." "Gee, that might even get you on the six o'clock news." "The table on the lanai is all set." "Rebecca should be here with Jeremy any minute." "Did Rebecca bring Jeremy to Miami just to meet you?" " She didn't say, and I didn't wanna ask." " But you think he might be her boyfriend?" "I don't think so." "I didn't see any pictures of him when I went through her things." "Went through her things?" "Why didn't you just ask her?" "Hey, I don't stick my nose in where it doesn't belong." "That must be them." "Hi, Mama." "This is Jeremy." " Nice to meet you." " A pleasure to meet you." " Won't you come in, sit down?" " Thank you." " Oh, you have a lovely home here." " Thank you." " You seem like a very nice young man." " He is a very nice young man." " Becky, was she talking to you?" " I'm sorry." "Hors d'oeuvres are being served." "Jeremy, I want you to meet my mother's friends." "This is Dorothy, Sophia and Rose." " Nice to meet you all." " So, where did you and Rebecca meet?" "We met at a sidewalk café in Paris." "There weren't any tables left, so I just sat... at Becky." " Let's move out to the lanai for dinner." " I'll show you the way." " Here, let me help you with that." " Thank you." " Becky." " Oh, yeah." "That fettuccine was sensational." "You ladies made a great meal." "Since you're handing out compliments, you haven't said anything about my new outfit." "That's not very nice." "Well, I'm trying to be nice." "That's why I didn't say anything." "Why don't you all get comfortable and I'll make a nice pot of hot coffee?" "Which I'd like to pour right down his pants." "How can you let him talk to Becky that way?" "Dorothy's right." "I haven't heard anyone insult someone like that since Lars Svensson accused Eric the Red of being a coward and called him yellow." "Wouldn't that make him Eric the Orange?" "I'm not about to meddle in Becky's personal life." "I made that mistake before, and it cost me four years." "But this is different." "He is downright cruel to her." "If Rebecca doesn't mind it, then it is none of my business." "Besides, she's only known him a short time." "I'm sure she'll come to her senses before very long." "Ma, you don't have to help with the dishes." "I couldn't listen to that any more." "You mean Jeremy's rude remarks." "I mean Rebecca talking about marrying that jerk." "Are you telling me Rebecca and Jeremy are planning to get married?" " Yeah, I overheard them talking." " Maybe you misunderstood." "Please." "Me misunderstand?" "My bladder may be weak, my eyesight may be failing, my bones may be brittle..." "I see your point." "Maybe you'd better double-check." "Rebecca, Jeremy, um, is there something you all would like to tell me?" " As a matter of fact, yes." " Please, Becky, let me do it." "Blanche, I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage." "I'd take the rest of her, but I've got a bad back." "Jeremy!" "Be serious." "Mama, Jeremy's asked me to marry him, and I said yes." " You are happy for me, Mama, aren't you?" " Happy?" " Happy?" "Honey..." " Oh, Mama." "Happy isn't the word for it." " We're off to the game." " I didn't know you played baseball." "We're not gonna play baseball." "We're gonna see a game." "Mama's driving us to Vero Beach to see the Dodgers play." " Jeremy's a big baseball fan." " Becky's a bigger one." "Becky's a bigger everything." "Not everything, Jeremy." " Let's go." "We don't wanna miss anything." " I wanna buy Becky a Dodger cap, see how many people mistake her for Tommy Lasorda." "That's it." "That is it!" "Dorothy, now, calm down." "We'll bring you back a cap, too." "I can't take it." "I've gotta say something to that guy." "I know how frustrating it is to just sit and watch, but there's nothing we can do." "It's her daughter, it's her choice." "It's like something that happened back in St Olaf." "Oh, Rose, stop." "Rose, why is it, when any one of us makes an observation, the first thing we hear from you is "back in St Olaf'?" "Did it ever occur to you that we might be sick and tired of hearing "back in St Olaf'," ""back in St Olaf'?" "Gee, no, I never realised." " I'm sorry." " Oh, that's OK." "Back in that town whose name..." "Rose!" " Clear out." "We need the kitchen." " What's going on?" " The showdown with McCracken." " Your boss is coming here?" "A week on strike has had its effect on business." "He wants to negotiate." "I insisted we do it on our turf." "That's him." "Let him in." "I gotta prepare the table." "Excuse me, girls." "Why are you doing that?" "It's a power move - the three of us against one of him." "And I get to look down on him." "Ma, Mr McCracken's here." "Let's get down to business." "I gotta get back to the Chow Wagon for the lunch rush." "Yeah, we'll just leave you to your negotiations." "Before we go, can we get you some milk or some double-stuffed Oreos?" "No, thank you, ma'am." "Boy, he's tough." "Have a seat, boss." " I've reread your list of demands..." " Wait, McCracken." "I wanna tell you something." "I'm no novice when it comes to major negotiations." " Oh, really?" " Let me tell you a story." "Picture it" " Sicily, 1922." "An attractive peasant girl who has saved her lira embarks on a glorious vacation to a Crimean resort on the Black Sea." "For weeks, she frolics at this seaside resort and enjoys the company of many young men, all of whom adore her." "All of them?" "Shut up, Edna." "I work alone." "All of them." "When it's time to return to Sicily, three different suitors beg her to stay." "But she can't decide who to choose." "So she chooses none of them." "But she agrees to meet with them at the same resort many years later." "To her trio of suitors, that eventful gathering was referred to as" ""Rendezvous with Sophia."" "But to the rest of the world, it was better known as the Yalta Conference." "You expect me to buy that?" "The only reason I came over here was so you wouldn't cause a scene at the Chow Wagon when I fired you." "Fired us?" "You heard me." "And no story you could tell is gonna change my mind." "Not even the one we could tell your father about how his car got dented while you were doing wheelies and not while it was sitting in the parking lot?" "You wouldn't do that." "Would you?" "Hey, she's your grandmother." "Has she ever lied to you?" "Is Jeremy coming in a taxi or is he driving the rental car to the airport?" " He's taking the car." " Uh-huh." "Well, that's good." " Oh, I guess this is it." " Oh, I hate these moments." "Me too." "I never did learn how to say goodbye." "Oh, there's so many ways so say farewell." "Auf wwiedersehen." "Arrivederci." "Adios." "Hasta luego..." "Get lost." "See, there's another one." "Good, Dorothy." " Didn't you hear me honking?" " We were saying goodbye." "Hop to it." "Kiss, kiss, hug, hug." "We're out of here." "Thanks for being understanding about our wedding plans." "That's me - old understanding Mama." "It's just much simpler if Jeremy and I run off and do it ourselves." "Yeah, that'll be the day, when you run anywhere." "Do you think you could be a little patient?" "I know things move kind of slow here at Sunnybrook Farm, but we do have a plane to catch." " Into the kitchen." " What?" "You heard me." "Into the kitchen right now." "Rebecca, I've held my tongue for two solid weeks, but I cannot any longer." "Now, I am your mother, and I cannot let you go out that door without asking you, why, of all the men on God's green Earth, have you decided to marry that lump of nothing?" "Because I want a husband, I want a family and Jeremy may be my last chance." " That's just nonsense." " Oh, Mama!" "Look at me." "Open your eyes." "I'm not beautiful, I'm not a catch." "For that man out there, you certainly are." "He's got you thinking you need him." "That's all backwards." "He's the one who needs you." "You're probably the only woman on Earth who's kind and caring enough to give him a second glance." "He's not good enough for you." "Do you hear what you're saying?" "You're doing it again." "Say what you really mean, that he's not good enough for you." "Neither am I. I never have been." " I wish I'd never come here." " Rebecca." "Becca Sue!" " Let's go, Jeremy." " Finally." "Rebecca." "Rebec..." "Wait!" "Oh, damn!" "It's not like Blanche to go to bed at eight o'clock." "At least not by herself." "Well, Blanche is depressed." "Do you think she's depressed about Rebecca?" "No, Rose." "She's depressed because Marblehead Manor is only on once a week." "I remember when I was a little girl when we'd get depressed." "Grandma could always cheer us up." "She'd take out her dentures and she'd take a healthy swig from the aquarium." "Then she'd put a flashlight under her chin, and we could watch the goldfish swim from cheek to cheek." "We could have watched it all day." "But visiting hours were only from ten to four." "I couldn't sleep." "I kept tossing and turning, thinking about the terrible mistake I made." "You did the right thing." "You're saying that cos you're my friend." "Sophia, tell me the truth." "Am I bad mother?" "You did what you had to do." " Then why do I feel so terrible?" " Because it is not easy being a mother." "If it were easy, fathers would do it." "Why can't kids understand we're just trying to do what's best for 'em?" "Because they're kids." "When they become mothers, they know better." " Right, Dorothy?" " Right, Ma." "I remember, when I was a teenager, you used to make me bring my dates into the house to meet you and Pop." " I always hated that." " Boy, what an inconvenience." "Between the ages of 12 and 19, I met two guys." "I remember my mother making me practice the tuba." "Three hours a day, seven days a week for ten years!" "Oh, I hated it." "But it finally paid off." " I didn't know you played the tuba." " Oh, I don't." "No, I gave it up." "But I can blow 32 pounds of air into a tire in less than a minute." " Who could that be at this hour?" " I'll see." " Hi, Mama." " Oh, am I glad to see you!" "I'm so sorry." " No, don't apologise." "You were right." " What?" "I was thinking about what you said, how much courage it took for you to say it." "That's when I realised how much you must really love me." " Oh, baby!" " Oh, you were right about Jeremy, too." "I can do better." "Just took someone who loved me to point it out." "Let's tell the girls the good news." "They're in the kitchen, having cheesecake." "Oh, cheesecake." "That sounds great." "Why don't we just go sit out on the lanai?" "Have a good trip." "Call me when you get home." " OK, I will." "Bye." " Call me." " Bye-bye." " Bye." "Hey, I thought we agreed we weren't gonna talk about the children."