"Everybody tells me That it's so hard to make it" "It's so hard to break in" "There's no way to fake it" "Everybody tells me That it's wrong what I'm feeling" "I shouldn't believe in The dreams that I'm dreaming" "I hear it every day" "I hear it all the time" "I'm never gonna amount too much But they're never gonna change my mind" "Tell me, tell me Tell me somethin' I don't know" "Somethin' I don't know" "Somethin' I don't know" "How many inches in a mile?" "What it takes to make you smile?" "Get you not to treat me like A child, baby" "Mary!" "How can I be an artist when you can't be bothered to do your job?" "Which, by the way, is fetching me bubbly water." " Are you trying to ruin me?" " I'm sorry." "It won't happen again." "There are people who would just kill for this job." "Important people." "Bubble me now or you're grounded." "Stay out of my dressing room." "I hate your energy." "It's ugly and sad and lonely." "Oh, my God." "Thank you so much, Mary." "That was the last bottle of bubbly." "No, thank you, Britt." "Your mom's gonna kill me." " Not my problem." " So true." "Um, they told me to tell you you're holding the whole shoot up." "And you work for us, in case you forgot." "Oh, how could I ever forget?" "Oh, it's a tragic story." "Her mother was one of my dancers." "Truth to tell, probably the weak link." "But then she died." "And I needed some help around the house, so I took her little brat in." "I'm really a saint, you know?" "Dominique, turtledove." "Listen, we're a bit behind schedule." "What I need from you is I need you to be a little cuddle and shake that moneymaker before I'm brown bread." "I have no idea what you are saying." "What's with the attitude?" "We are so good to you." "You may live in the 90210, but you're still just a zero." "We live in the 90211, genius." "Mary, bubbles!" "Now!" "Coming, Dominique." "Is that true?" "3C, take one." "Mark." "I'm on hold for you" "I keep pushing number one and two" "That's me, Dominique." "I'm singing my number-one hit, "On Hold 4 You."" "For an hour or two On hold for you" "You know, I'm not just a pop star, I'm also a human being." "And I've suffered from embarrassing back acne for years." "When they used to shoot my music videos they had to digitally remove my entire back and my arms and my legs." "I looked terrible and I sued everyone." "It was embarrassing." "Not since I've been using Baby Got Bacne Vanishing Cream." "Baby Got Bacne works by destroying blemishes  pores and all surrounding skin." "I like clear skin and that's the truth" "All you sisters just look uncouth" "You give your man a heart attack" "'Cause you got acne on your back" "Baby Got Bacne" "Live bacne-free." "I'm not gonna do that old lizard's talk show again." "He's got a serious case of the grab-hands." "Not that I mind that sort of thing from someone under 90." "This semester is so gonna rock." "Oh, tell me something I don't know." "Because I know that and I know everything." " There's laundry to do." " Okay." "He's coming back for the rest of the year." "I mean, how hot is that?" "Like surface-of-the-sun hot." " Don't you dare turn on that TV set." " Okay." " Yeah." " Turn it, turn it, turn it." "I'm here at Beverly Glen High School, where there's nothing but buzz, buzz, buzz." "Fresh from his fourth world tour  teen heartthrob Joey Parker has decided to bring his triple threat of singing  dancing and breaking hearts back home to the Hills." "That girl, baby" "Oh..." "She knew she's just that girl She knew she's just that girl" "Joey, can you give me any information  about what you're doing in the future?" "Just get back to my roots, take my senior year off, go back to school." "I'm just trying to keep it real." "How does JP plan to keep it real?" "Joey and his record label are sponsoring a huge dance competition  where one lucky student will win the opportunity  to dance with JP in his next video." "So all you dancers in waiting, it's time to get your freak on." "Mary, I need you pronto, now." "You forgot to TiVo my soaps." "Oh..." "Sorry, Dominique, I'll be right there." "Can you feel that?" " What?" " I'm choking you from a distance." "Choking you!" " Hey." " Hey." "What up?" "Tami, you should really get this thing fixed." "Thing?" "Don't hurt her feelings or she'll break down for good." "We have to respect the Great Pumpkin." "You're so weird, Tami." "Hey, you think my leather goes with my tutu?" "You look amazing, as always." "It's a Tami original." "I figured I should dress in style for our last semester together, ever." "Aw..." "Do you think you could survive senior year without me?" "I'm gonna start my own clothing line and become a billionaire." "And you'll be a superstar in dance school and on weekends, I'll pick you up in my private jet and we'll go shopping in Paris." " Wow." " Embrace your awesomeness." "Tami, I have to get into dance school before I embrace my awesomeness." "Shut up, you're gonna get in." "Don't even pretend to think otherwise." "Yeah, I'm telling you." "Seriously, it's better for your skin." "It's called the one-sip diet." "I am so sorry, Mary." "I didn't even see you standing there." "It's like you were totally invisible." "Check out my totally invisible finger." " Halloween was in October, tutu." " Then why are you dressed like a tool?" "That was code for "Your butt rules." Which it totally does." "Tell me something I don't know." "Oh, my God." "It's Joey Parker!" "I love drama." "It's so dramatic." " Let's go before we get trampled." " Okay." "Hey." "What's up, everybody?" "Oh, my God." " Oh." "Make way, people." "No touching." "God, all right, JP's here." "Hey, Joey, party at my house on Friday, dude." "I'm gonna be in your contest, Joey." "You wanna practice in private?" "Maybe." "Ha-ha." " Oh, my God." "I love you so much." " Hey, thanks." "That's nasty." "JP, step over that." "I don't want you to feel like a prepackaged piece of meat." "Your words, not mine." "I just want you to chillax." "And remember, I got your bacne." " I got bacne, you got bacne, we got bacne..." " Don't even get started with her." "Ow!" "Oh..." "Sorry." "Sorry, I wasn't looking, I just..." "Hey, Joey, long time no kiss." "Are you okay?" "Wow, Natalia, hi." "You can't call me back?" "I was on tour, in Japan, you know?" "It was such a long year without you." "Look, um, Natalia..." "First things first." "I heard that you were coming to dance class." "Save me." "Nice tutu." "Thanks." " I think." " I'm Dustin." "But the people call me the Funk." "Well, that's unfortunate." "Ah." "Feisty, yeah." "I like feisty." "I'll see you around." "Why would I wanna go out with a guy named the Funk?" "Because he's cute." "What's your damage, Mary?" "Nothing." "What's your damage?" "This is our hallway." "Or did you trolls forget that?" "Oh, yeah?" "You want a piece of me?" "Come on, Tami, it's not even worth it." "What's a troll?" "Hey, Natalia." "It was a tragedy when you and Joey broke up." "Seeing him must feel like getting dumped all over again." "Joey and I will be together again before the Black and White Ball." "Good afternoon, class." "It's one thing to dance with your feet." "It's another thing to dance with your heart." "Let's start with some sun salutations." "Inhale and exhale and inhale and exhale." "Oh, my God." "It's Joey Parker!" " Hey, what's up?" " Joey." "Joey, as I live and dance, I'm so glad you had the time to stop by." "How could I say no to you?" "Girls and boys, I know all of you are planning on enrolling in his competition." "I thought you might like to learn some moves from the man who made them famous:" "Joey Parker." " Okay, how you guys doing?" " Great." "Yeah?" "You ready to show me what you got?" "Okay, nice." "I'm gonna start off the combination." "I'm gonna show it to you slow and then we speed it up, okay?" "Follow me." "Five, six, seven, eight." "Hit, one, two..." "That's right." "Five, six, watch me." "One, two." "Three, four..." "Seven and eight." "One, two..." "Five, six, and seven, and eight." "One, two." "Let's just do the whole thing up to tempo, you ready?" "Okay, your energy's about a five, I need a 10." "Here we go." "Oh, come on." "Okay, okay." "You guys got the moves down." "That was great." "Why don't we do it again?" "We'll break it down, do it slower." "So you can put your own style on it." "And make it your own." "We'll start in the same spot." "Here we go, ready?" "And five, six." "And five, six, seven, eight." "Oh!" "Yeah." "Okay, one last time." "Five, six, seven, eight." "Nice." "Now, if you guys can dance like that in the competition we're gonna have some serious fun." " What did I say about cell phones in class?" " Oh!" "Where are you?" "The most important luncheon of my life and you forget?" "I'm sorry." "I'm on my way." "I'll be there soon." "I don't want whispered excuses." "I want crab puffs on a tray." "Hello?" "I have crab puffs to make." "Then you know who's coming over." "It's just your crush:" "Joey Parker." "I don't have a crush on Joey Parker." "Oh, no?" "Then what's this?" "Hi, I'm Mary and I'd like to send this video to Joey Parker because he rocks." "What's this?" "A freakish stalker with an embarrassing crush on Joey." " Snap." "You went through my stuff." "No, just watch." "It gets better." "I love you so much, Joey." "And you're totally kissable." "This is for you." "The dork princess." "Troll." "She's a troll." "That's not our only copy." "Jinx, give me your Vera Wang." "Give me your Jimmy Choo." " No, seriously?" " I said it first." " You shut up." " Oh, stop." "That's it." " Ow!" "Mom!" "Have another crab puff, Rod." "Mom, he's hungry." "It's been 40 minutes." "Look, you asked me to come, I'm here." " But five more minutes and I'm out." " I'm right behind you, JP." "Joey, I know that you and Dominique have had your differences but try not to bring up the time she dissed you on TRL." "She didn't mean it." "How do you call someone overrated and not mean it?" "That's just disrespect." "Shh." "Joey, doing a duet with Dominique means reaching her audience." "Like Daddy and I." "And if doing a duet means that Mommy..." " The family can have another house, well..." " Okay, Mom, you have a house." "Okay?" "Nobody's bought a Dominique CD in years." "I mean, she's not cool." "I think she's cool." "Thank you." "Exactly." "Hi." "Look at all of these beautiful people." "Well, I'm so sorry to keep you all waiting." "But it took 20 minutes to descend the staircase." "But it was worth it, don't you think?" "Hello, Rod." "No, no." "Evie." "No, no, no." " Young man whose name I don't know." " I'm..." "Oh." "Shh." "Wow, that's some dress." "Oh, yeah?" "I'm wearing this in my next video." "It's a duet, great stuff." "Hello, Grammy." "Ha-ha-ha." "But enough about me, for now." "Oh, let me help you." " Yeah." "Um..." " Thank you." "Look, Dominique I'm not doing the duet with you, okay?" "No, listen to what she has to say." "Zip it, Rod." " Or not." "Drinks, we need drinks." "Mary?" "Well, thanks, but I don't drink." " Oh, my God." " Sorry." "Thank you." "Of course you don't, darling boy, but I do." " Okay." " I drink." " So, Joey..." " I'll get you one." "...asked anyone to the Black and White Ball yet?" "You have a crab puff in your teeth, Britt." " You should really take me to the ball." " Yeah." "I speak French." "How about you?" "Thanks, yeah." "Look, Dominique, I'm kind of on a break right now, so..." "You all must be famished." "First course, Mary." "Now." "Joey would gladly take a break from his break." "No." "No, no." "Actually, I am focusing on school." " I'm just hanging with friends, you know?" " That's right." "The new JP." "Who are you?" "I'm Joey Parker's manager." "Oh, please ignore him." "I'm Joey's manager." "You have two managers?" " Apparently." " You must be a real handful." "Wanna make out?" "You know, actually, technically, I'm..." "Oh, shut up, Rod." "Even I know you're completely inconsequential." "You see?" "It's not just me." "This is why I did not wanna come today." "You're all nuts." "You can either do the duet with me and become a superstar or you can fade away into teenybopper obscurity." "Okay." "I've heard enough, okay?" "Joey Parker is a man that needs to do things his way." "He needs to keep it real." "So from here on out, I'm Joey Parker's only manager." "I think we're done here." "Let's go." "Thanks for everything." "We keep meeting like this." "You have shrimp in your hair." "Come on." " You all right?" " That's nuts." " You hear how he...?" " I don't care!" "Are you ready?" " Mary?" "Let's go." "You will clean this room spotless in 30 minutes." "Rod." "And your phone privileges are suspended for an entire month." "Cough it up." "Come on, look alive." "Clean." "Joey, honey, wait." "I gotta talk to you." "Tami, don't hate me but I don't wanna go to the ball." "You have to go." "I've been working on our dresses for two weeks." "I know." "I know." "It's just..." "I don't know." "It's on Valentine's Day." "We don't even have dates." "Plus, everyone's gonna be wearing masks, which is really weird." "But that's good." "We can each meet a handsome, mysterious stranger." "How will we know he's handsome if he's wearing a mask?" "By how he dances." "Hot guys always dance the best." " Anyway..." " I don't fit in here." "So why go and pretend like I do?" "Guys don't even know I exist." "Again, no one will know who anyone is." "There's no such thing as not fitting in." "If there's a guy you like, he'll meet the real you." "Not some fake you that's been created by the cliques at our lame-ass high school." " Don't get me started about..." "What?" " Tami." "You should really breathe in between monologues." "You're going to the ball." "Oh, I forgot to start cleaning." "Faster." "Give it a rhythm." "Make it a samba." "Give it a:" " Mother." " Mommy?" "Hello, my little pretties." "This is Fabio and Paulo and somebody else." "I'm thinking of making one of them my new daddy." "I mean, your new daddy." "Anyway, uh we were on our way to get manis and pedis for the ball tonight." "Which we heard Mary talking about, FYI." "As in she's planning to go, FYI." "Oh." "Oh..." "That won't do." "Uh, you could tell her to clean my room." "And my closet." "I think something died in there." "No, no, no." "I have a very special place that needs cleaning." "Mary?" " The twins are turning 16 next week." " Didn't they turn 16 last year?" "Yes, and they'll keep turning 16 until I tell them to stop." "We're having a big party and I need this house to be spotless." "But Tami and I are going to the ball." "Plus, I've cleaned every room in this house." "Not my bedroom." "You're kidding me, right?" "I'm clubbing with Paris tonight." "It's my turn to throw the after-party." "Don't step on my hair." "When I get home at midnight, this room will be pristine." "Dominique, I'd need heavy equipment." "For example, a flamethrower." "Don't you sass me, smarty pants." "I'll revoke your school privileges." "You could say goodbye to those trendy friends." "Or shall I say friend, Little Miss Not-So-Popular?" "Ooh!" "Oh, and clean up these fish sticks." "They've been there since Lent." "Tami, I can't go to the ball." ""Domifreak's" making me clean her bedroom." "You're in her lair?" "There are species of bugs in here still unknown to science." "There's no way I'll finish in time." " Wait, what if...?" " Who are you talking to?" "When I said no phone privileges, that included the landline." "I'm sorry." "I have to go." "Ugh." "Manson, we've been looking for you since Christmas, boy." "You're free, boy." "Go." "Go, go." "Go, Manson, go." "You're free." "Oh, hey." "Gosh, look, I just found Manson." "And please tell me those aren't our dresses." "I can't." "Because they are." "We're going to the ball." "Tami, what part of "Domifreak's making me clean her bedroom" did you not understand?" "What would you say if I told you I could clean up the mess for you and Dominique would never know?" "I'd say you're my hero, but there's no way, and you have to go to the ball." " Plus, you can't clean this mess up alone." " Well, who said I was alone?" " Hi, Mary." " Hey." "You did this for me?" "Mary, meet my sister's boyfriend's cousins." "Cousins, this is Mary." "Hello, hello." "You go to dance?" "Very nice." "House clean by midnight?" "No problem." "Like van say, "No mess too messy."" " Okay." "This mess is too messy." " Lee-Ha, you promised." " Is there a problem?" "I'm on it." "Get started and hide the van." "Isn't that him?" "No, that's not him." "Oh, that's him." "No, it's not." "Joey can dance." "When we see a guy who can move, we'll have our man." "Let me know when you find him." "Hey, we were just looking for you." "Yeah, I'm sure you were." " Nice mask." " Nice dress." "Nice face." "Hey, ladies, hey." "Boo, where you going?" "All the funk you need is right here." "Man." "Hey, man." "Why did you tell me this was a costume party?" "It is the Black and White Ball." "You look good, man." "This is sharp." "I do clean up good, huh?" "I guess I'm not the only one who didn't get the memo." " Who is that?" " No idea."