"My fellow heroes, tonight, I stopped three murders." "I don't know why, but there's a huge trend in crime." "We have to find out the source of this evil." "Something big is about to happen." "It's up to Coon and Friends to stop it." "Yes, Toolshed?" "Why are we called Coon and Friends?" "We fight crime together." "Why are we just your friends?" "We wanna be called the Extreme Avenger League." "I told you, Tupperware." "Extreme Avenger League doesn't work." " Why not?" " It's confusing." "The Coon is a brand people know." "Why can't it be Mosquito and Friends?" "Nobody's fucking heard of you." "Have so." "Look, we need to find out what's causing this crime wave." "Mysterion, you and the Human Kite, dig up what you can on the computer." "You two scan the news." "Toolshed, you run a perimeter check with Iron Maiden." "Work, people." "Mintberry Crunch, can I have a word with you in the debriefing chamber?" "I enjoy having you be a part of Coon and Friends, and I certainly appreciate your on-time paying dues and fees." "It's just..." "I don't..." "I'm not getting your deal." "I mean, what is Mintberry Crunch supposed to mean?" "I get that you're half man and half berry, and crunchy with some mint, but to be a part of Coon and Friends, you need a superhero kind of identity." "Mintberry Crunch, I'm just wondering if maybe you need to add something to your part of your costume." "Like milk?" "Not like milk." "We're really on different pages." "It's like you don't even..." "Coon and Friends alert." " What's the alert?" " There's a big fire in town." "A fire?" "Coon volume up." "... thought to be at least twenty people trapped inside the apartment building, and firefighters are having no luck." "This is what we've been waiting for." "Coon and Friends, let's head out." "Mintberry Crunch, stay here and mind the base." "We've got to get downtown fast." "Mom, drive us downtown." "It's a little late, sweetie." "Just keep playing downstairs." "Mom, you're the Coon's faithful butler." "I wanna go downtown now." "All right, I can get some groceries anyway." "Into the Coonmobile." "Let's hope we get there in time." "All right, you little munchkins buckled up for safety?" "Mom, don't talk to us like that, we're fucking superheroes." "We've talked about that language." "Once more and you won't go." "I'm sorry." "Can we go, please?" "Unbelievable." "We tried getting in through the back." "It was no good." "Those people are gonna die if we don't do something." "My goodness." "It's a fire." " Come on, Coon and Friends." " Stay in the car, sweetie." "Can we try a helicopter?" "The winds are too high." "Chopper would burn in minutes." " What seems to be the problem?" " Get back, kids." "It isn't safe." "Eric, poopsie?" " You need help from the Coon." " And friends." "Keep those children back, Thompson." " Please, you must..." " Sweetie, let the firemen do their job." "Shut up, Mom." "Wait." "Look, up in the sky." "It's him." "My God, it's really him." "He's come to help us." "Captain Hindsight." "Captain Hindsight?" "Captain Hindsight, the hero of the modern age." "Once known as Jack Brolin, a reporter for the national news, the hero was born when an accident gave him the amazing power of extraordinary hindsight." "From toxic spills to unjust wars, there's no task too large for..." "Captain Hindsight." " Thank God you've come." " What is the skinny?" "There's people trapped in that burning building." "The fire is so massive, we can't get to them." "See those windows on the right side?" "They should have built fire escapes for the higher floors, for people to get down." "And the roof, it should have been reinforced, so a helicopter could have landed on it." "Of course." "See that building to the left?" "They shouldn't have built it." "Now, you can't park fire trucks where you really need to." "Looks like my job here is done." "Goodbye, everyone." "Thank you, Captain Hindsight." "All right, everyone." "I guess that's it." "Let's pack it up." "Did you hear about that fire downtown, Sharon?" "Oh, my gosh, yes." "They said like 14 people died." "It's ridiculous that they didn't build fire escapes on the upper floors." "Ridiculous." "I know." "If you ask me, they should have built a roof with enough support for a chopper." "I mean, hello!" "You guys are just repeating what that Hindsight guy said." "He's our protector and guardian." "We're thankful he was there for that fire." "Now, we can eat in peace." "Coon and Friends alert." "Who is that?" "Who put that?" "Alert." "Seriously." "All Coon friends to base." "I'm seriously." " Mom, Dad, can I go to my room?" " Sure, Stan." " How did that get there, Randy?" " I don't know." "Take it down." "It's noisy." "I don't know what happened to all my tools." "Toolshed is here." "We can start." "Who said you could put a siren in my parents' house?" "I almost got in trouble." "The Coon has to signal his friends when a huge catastrophe breaks out." " What's the huge catastrophe?" " What's the huge..." "Did you not see that Hindsight guy?" "So?" "There's a big superhero out there, and he's not part of Coon and Friends." "Jesus." "This Captain Hindsight is everywhere." "He's like some freelance butthole scab." " We need him to join us." " Fellows." "Fellows, could you let me out?" "It's been like six days." " You won't go anywhere, Chaos." " Yeah, but... you only gave me this bucket to poop in, and it's full." "I don't have anything to eat." "You have poop." "The question is how can we get him to join us?" "Who cares if he's not part of Coon and Friends?" "I care." "Look, we need to wait for the next disaster and beat Hindsight to the scene." "There's not gonna be any worse disaster." "What could be worse than a fire that killed 14 people? All right." "This looks like a jolly good place." "Let's let her rip." "That's it, lads." "Collect that oil." "Damn!" "Don't tell me we did it again." "Coon and Friends alert." "All Coon friends report to base." "I'm so seriously." "Emergency." "Coon and Friends alert." "Good, you're all here." "Take a look at this." "Coon volume up." "It's a scene of utter despair and catastrophe." "Oil from the ocean is spilling out out of control, and the rescue effort seems futile." "It's horrible." "We can't stop the oil from contaminating everything." "Our home is covered in sludge." "Where are we supposed to go? My God." "Another oil spill could mean devastation for the Gulf." "We have to help them." " This is a job for Coon and Friends." " Let's pack the Gulf full of flavor." "Wait, look." "It's Captain Hindsight." " What seems to be the problem?" " It's that BP oil rig." "It drilled into a marine sanctuary." "The environment is being poisoned." "If we can't stop it, the spill could reach New Orleans." "All right." "You see where that rig is drilling?" "It's in too deep of water." "They shouldn't have drilled there, because they can't get machines deep enough to fix the spill." "Now, if it's a valve that ruptured, they should have installed a backup valve in case that valve broke." "I believe they did install a backup safety valve." "Right." "Then they should have had a backup to that backup safety valve." "He's right." "My work here is done." "I'm off to find others in need." "God bless you." "God bless you." "Goddamn it." "We have to get that guy into Coon and Friends." "Can I help you?" "This is where Captain Hindsight lives?" "I need to speak with him, please." "The Captain is very busy dealing with the Gulf oil crisis." "I believe I have something that can help him deal with it, sir." "Mr. Hindsight, sir, this young man would like a word." "Sit down, what can I do for you?" "Mr. Hindsight, I represent some very high profile people." "I've been asked to give you some exciting news." "You have been preapproved to become the newest member of Coon and Friends." "Of what?" "I know the Coon personally." "I can tell you being a Coon friend is the highest honor." "As you can see, your first three months of dues have been waived." "This must be very exciting for you." "Captain Hindsight." " Come in." " Go ahead." "The oil keeps coming out." "We have other rigs catching fire." "They should have hosed them down when the spill began." " Right, thank you." " Captain Hindsight." "The dolphins cleaned by those volunteers, they're all dying." "The volunteers should have used a non-bleaching cleanser." "Commissioner." "Tell Brett Favre he shouldn't have sent actual pictures of his shlong." "It's not a blessing, it's a curse." "Anyways, if you wanted to start filling out the form, we'll get you enrolled right away." "I'm sorry, kid." "I work alone." "The problem is there's a superhero union, Coon and Friends." "If you refuse to be a part of that, you're a scab." "Get him out of here." "I have to think." "Fine." "You'll be hearing from my... the Coon's lawyer, sir." "The BP oil spill in the Gulf continues to get worse everyday." "As public anger towards the BP company grows, their president released this statement." "I'm Tony Hayward, president and CEO of BP." "Our accidental drilling spill again is a tragedy that should have never happened." "To all those affected, I want to say... we are deeply sorry." "We're sorry." "We're sorry." "We're sorry." "Sorry." "BP is taking full responsibility for cleaning up the spill in the Gulf." "In doing so, we have changed our name from Beyond Petroleum to Dependable Petroleum." "DP, we no longer the fuck the Earth, we DP it." "Gentlemen, my attempts to recruit Hindsight has been unsuccessful." "But I've come up with a solution." "Coon vision on." "All we need to do is get pictures of Captain Hindsight naked with Courtney Love." "If he doesn't join us, we'll put them on the Internet." "How do we get the pictures?" "Simple." "Coon's slide 2." "We dress Professor Chaos up as Courtney Love, take pictures of him naked with a homeless and photoshop it." "Me?" "Come on." "Don't make me be Courtney Love." "We have to get to work fast." "Coon and Friends ho!" "You want us to take naked pictures of Butters to use it as blackmail?" "That's doesn't superhero-like." "That's because you think small." "You have a mosquito brain, so you don't come up with the plans." "Look, what is going on in the Gulf is more important than blackmailing another hero." "Agreed." "Who cares about oil spilling?" "He has a good plain, Cartman." "You don't known I'm Cartman." "My true identity is secret." "We all have a say in this organization." "Let Mosquito talk." "How do you want to help people in the Gulf crisis?" "We should help raise money by having a bake sale." "A bake sale?" "I have a recipe for lemon bars from my mom." "We can wear costumes and sell lemon bars." "We could be a good deed." "We're superheroes, not the fucking girl scouts." "Those people down there need help." "Sometimes, being hero means helping in smaller ways." "Selling lemon bars is helpful to mankind?" "More helpful than taking naked pictures of Butters." "Shut up." "You're not anything." "That's another thing." "No more picking on Mintberry Crunch." " Are you the boss now?" " No, but we're all equal." "From now on, we vote." "Who wants to go with my plan?" "Sounds awesome." "Let's do it." "To the grocery store." "As we walked along the road to the grocery store, my Coon sense started tingling." "Something was wrong." "Very wrong." "I've learned to trust my Coon sense." "It has alway been my guide." "I knew I must act." "A Coon must know when to defend itself." "We're back to normal." "Just like before and all forgotten, right, right?" "Right, right." "Right." "Cool." "So what's next for Coon and Friends?" "Another crisis in the Gulf of Mexico as the oil company DP has once again made a huge error." "This time, the oil company has accidentally ripped a hole into another dimension." "The oil company stated they knew another dimension was there, but didn't think drilling into it would be problematic." "Hundreds of creatures from another dimension are spilling out into our reality and wreaking havoc." "I'm Tony Hayward, CEO of DP." "Tearing a hole into another dimension is a tragedy that should have never happened." "And as CEO, I would like to say... we're sorry." "We're sorry." "We're sorry." "Sorry." "Captain Hindsight, sir?" "Calls for help are pouring in." "You have to get out to the Gulf." "I can't help anyone right now." "Something came up." "What, sir?" "You know you can tell me." "Do you remember last week, when I got really, really drunk?" "Look at those photos on the desk." "My God, is that you and Courtney Love?" "Of course, it's Courtney Love." " But when did you..." " I don't remember." "That's the point." "I get drunk, I don't remember things." "I shouldn't have drunk that much and mixed alcohols." "Alcohol should be illegal." "It's maddening!" "That doesn't matter now, sir." "People in the Gulf need to know what they could have done." "I should have never kept that bottle of Macallan, and gotten around Courtney Love and a camera." "I shouldn't..." "Creatures from another dimension continue to wreak havoc." "The question everybody is asking is where is Captain Hindsight?" "Where are you, Captain Hindsight? With Captain Hindsight missing, what superheroes can save the Gulf now?" "My fellow superheroes, I've done it." "Hindsight is taken care of." "Now, the country can be made aware of Coon and Friends." "There's more important things right now." "Right, Toolshed." "How do we deal with the creatures from another dimension?" "He means we need to discuss things with you." "What?" "Tupperware, you tell him." " I don't want to tell him either." " I'll tell him." "Coon, we're kicking you out of Coon and Friends." "You're kicking me out of Coon and Friends?" "It was unanimous." "You can't kick me out." "I'm the fucking Coon." "You have your ways of doing things, and they conflict with what we want." "We get the headquarters and the equipment." "This is my basement, and I'll tell my mom on you guys." "We've already discussed with her." "Mrs. Cartman?" "Please escort the Coon out of our secret base." "I talked to you about beating up your friends." "Mom, what the fuck?" "The fuck are you doing?" "You do not beat up your friends, and I've had it with your language." "Your punishment is that your friends will play superheroes without you." " Go to your room." " You have to be fucking kidding me." "We have messed up this time." "It's going to take more than another "I'm sorry" campaign to please everyone this time." "What a right pickle we're in." "There is no way to cut the dimensional portal." "The currents and swells are too much to get any machines in." "Wait a tick." "Currents and swells, that's it." "I know how to fix it." "How?" "We drill." " Of course." " Good idea." "I believe that if we drilled on the Moon, changing its pull on the ocean swells, we could cut the dimensional spill." "I don't quite get it." "We got into this mess by drilling here and here." "Now, we need to drill here." "That looks extremely promising." "Our environment should stabilize if it's getting drilled here, here and here at the same time." "The seismic forces will be massive." "Do you think the Moon can take it?" "She'll take it." "The DP oil company today drilled into the Moon and appears to have caused even greater problems." "I have a feeling we better get into our costumes again." "The DP oil company has had another drilling accident." "{\pos(192,225)}This time, they have unleashed the dark and mighty Cthulhu." "{\pos(192,225)}The rise of Cthulhu from another dimension" "{\pos(192,225)}brings about 3,000 years of darkness," "{\pos(192,225)}where we will all be driven to madness and made to serve as Cthulhu's slaves." "{\pos(192,225)}The president of DP Oil released this press statement." "As president of DP Oil, I want to say... we're sorry." "I'm deeply sorry." "Sorry." "Praise the dark Cthulhu, long may he rein." "It's up to us." "Let's get to the Gulf." "Darkness has taken over our town." "The Coon friends have given in to evil." "It's up to the Coon to stop them." "Assholes!"