"Whoever thought walking in a circle at two miles an hour would be draining?" "exercise." "some things do have their negative sides." "Our income just got cut in half." "And we get to spend twice as much time together." "if you don't leave before your lunch hour is over." "Out of my way." "We have a legal right to hold you up for 15 seconds." "fourteen..." "One." "ten..." "Ow!" "Just trying to do my job." "relax." "Three more seconds and you can go." "Are you telling me what to do?" "It's okay." "Just take a breath." "Get the hell off me!" "I think it's been 15..." "You okay?" "my God." "Jeff?" "Standby." "Place is a mess." "you can start with these." "It's not my fault." "I don't use nurses." "said she'd send you down here." "I know." "That's why I'm here." "Because Cuddy hasn't found you yet." "She's going to look everywhere except the place she wants me to be." "Hey." "I've got an aortic dissection here." "What's with the idiot? everything tastes like lemon meringue pie." "You want to take him?" "No." "Sir!" "Why do you have two lunches in front of you?" "Been here for two meals." "And you're happy with that?" "No." "I just don't see much use in complaining." "Seriously?" "It's a pretty useful tool." "make people miserable." "to make the misery go away." "We probably should say something." "Maybe I can call one of doctors..." "They're doing their best." "Ow!" "What the hell?" "I'm sure it was an accident." "Is he Canadian?" "He's a low priority." "Is that a yes?" "He's just..." "Happy." "before it spreads." "You guys are done. M.S." "Or it could be the flu and we should all be back in the E.R." "you're ignoring the big symptom." "What if we were looking at both the flu and decent parenting." "you two are perfectly healthy." "This guy wasn't pandering." "He wasn't vanilla nice." "He was nice without any aspiration of personal gain." "I'm thinking genetic defect." "Niceness is a defect?" "Three cavemen see a stranger running towards them with a spear one smiles and invites him over for fondue." "That last guy didn't last long enough to procreate." "And how long has the patient been suffering?" "eleven years." "The chances of him having an undiagnosed pathology for that long..." "What are you saying?" "Evolution is wrong?" "Where do you think we are?" "21st century America?" "too. most of us fall within the standard deviation." "But there are outliers. then we also have to accept the existence of the opposite extreme. which means you don't even have to try to be nice." "maybe I am biased." "Let's take a vote." "Who thinks niceness is not a symptom?" "And who thinks that their vote counts?" "check out his home for toxins." "Taub and 31... 31?" "I thought that either way was good with you." "EEG for nerve damage and test whatever comes out of him for everything else." "Too much axis tilt." "Don't release until your thumb's at the bottom of the ball." "I assume Wilson was busy." "Again." "No axis tilt." "With Amber?" "Again." "Still." "It was nice of you to invite me." "This is fun." "it isn't." "I invited you because bowling isn't one of the two things guys do by themselves." "What's the second thing?" "Other hand." "why bother having the word?" "The ontological proof of niceness." "The existence of the word proves the existence of the concept." "Look out for those minotaurs on your drive home." "only results mattered." "So what are you gonna do?" "To screw up Wilson's relationship so you don't have to listen to me while you bowl." "and their tragically deformed children." "She's good at being bad." "You might not be able to destroy her." "I can hold my head high." "Cameron had this one insufferable friend." "and I sure wasn't going to join them." ""See her on Thursdays." "I don't want to hang out with her every night anyway." "That's amazing." "Cameron only has one insufferable friend?" "Joint custody." "Of Wilson?" "Unless we have another love child." "Deal with him." "He needs a mother figure." "I'm not saying you're not entitled to spend time with him." "too." "I don't know how to deal with him when he's being reasonable." "This is reasonable?" "This is crazy." "you can make your own plans. swap your lubricant with super glue." "The man knows me." "This is his way of accepting us." "It's actually a very touching moment." "I'm proposing I get every other day and every other weekend. but you have to have him home by 11:00." "We can swap weekends." "Mondays and Wednesdays." "And midnight." "we won't be asleep till almost 2:00." "make a ruling." "No." "You two are like dogs circling each other in the park." "And I say that with all the love in the world." "bare your teeth and arrive at some strange détente." "Otherwise you'll end up biting each other's eyes out." "with all the love in the world." "I'll let you sniff first." "Take my deal or get out of my apartment." "Take my deal or I move in." "This guy worked for Habitat for Humanity in Costa Rica." "And coaches handicapped kids." "on the other coaches?" "It is possible he's too perfect." "I'm saying he's trying to be." "It's what people do." "What?" "That's not what people do." "want to be nice." "House?" "Exception that proves the rule." "What sort of argument is that?" "Bad one." "That might be relevant." "causes the fainting and taste issue." "But not the niceness." "Wouldn't that be nice?" "You are King Solomon." "we're cool with that." "My boyfriend's too much of a wuss to make the call for himself." "And I mean that with all the love in the world." "I'm gonna piss off one of them." "And they both scare me." "Your treatment of patients is reprehensible." "You're reading his performance review?" "I'm busy." "We have a nurses' strike." "Your management of employees borders on abuse." "Let's go." "I..." "I want to hear it." "You are overtly contemptuous of hospital hierarchy." "And covertly." "you didn't know about that." "Your attitude towards supervisory personnel is disrespectful." "And a disturbingly large proportion of your comments are racist or sexist." "That top makes you look like an Afghani prostitute." "Would be an example of that." "Sign this." "I got the..." "It can wait." "I will sign if you will give us a ruling." "I will give you a ruling if you do the reviews on your team." "I'd be happy to continue the mockery of this process. and alternate weekends." "and alternate weekends." "Yes!" "Wednesday nights are Ladies' Nights at Cheetah's." "Calcium's normal." "Wow." "It really could wait." "Everything's normal." "And you thought it wouldn't be?" "he's got a home full of hydrofluoric acid." "Doesn't mean his calcium should be low." "it kind of does." "HF causes lower levels of... not low." "Lower than normal." "Lower than yesterday." "Yesterday might have been high." "What's lower than high? which is being lowered to normal by the HF." "bad taste and fainting?" "I take it you know." "Get the team." "This is gonna be fun." "again." "These people think you're not too nice." "Too nice?" "For what?" "For life as we know it to have evolved without an intelligent designer." "I'm going to prove them wrong." "Your wife is very ugly." "Get out of here." "Deb..." "He's obviously trying to prove a point." "I think I just did." "You're either perfect or you're sick." "sick is much more common." "He's not sick." "He's nice." "Nice in the sense that your toaster is nice for making you breakfast." "It's the only thing his wiring will let him do." "He has Williams Syndrome." "Your husband is missing the genes that make him suspicious." "he's... there's no cure. fainting and being a sap." "What about the other symptoms?" "He has no other symptoms." "But Williams does." "the glasses..." "Williams cuts IQ by 20... except when they spill a black hole on their carpet." "Elfin appearance?" "he's more Legolas than Keebler." "Bet you he can still crack off a batch of Pecan Sandies." "Perfect pitch?" "right?" "I suck." "Modest." "Another symptom." "he really does suck." "Give us a warble." "Know any Cher?" "but I know Bread." "I'm-a want you" "I'm-a need you" "You're the only one I care enough to hurt about" "Maybe I'm-a..." "What's the matter?" "He's stroking!" "Not a moment too soon." "You were wrong." "you know." "It means the patient gets to keep being nice." "Why does that offend you?" "It's the way he said it." "he was excited." "He was also wrong." "And I say that with no sense of pleasure. which means the stroke and everything else wasn't caused..." "You have a friendly demeanor but you sometimes get too involved." "You relate well to your peers and patients and you complete tasks in a timely manner." "Please sign." "What the hell was that?" "I have to give each of you performance reviews." "Plenty of other conditions can cause debilitating niceness." "How is that supposed to help him?" "how was it supposed to help Wilson?" "Cross out Wilson's name and the date and then fill in your own." "The point of a review is to give feedback to help..." "I'm thinking neurosyphilis." "Wouldn't show up on the MRI without contrast." "I'll go run the tests." "He doesn't think it's syphilis but he's gonna go run those tests anyway." "that's why we do tests." "Because he's a wimp." "Because he's afraid of you." "You want me to intimidate him into not being afraid?" "Not sure I know how to do that." "Reviews make a difference." "so they have to learn..." "I don't think the right time to tell the dog not to pee on the rug is semi-annually." "You don't want to do the paperwork." "I am concerned about the rain forest." "I'll do it." "I know." "I don't have syphilis." "You don't know." "How many ways are there to get it?" "you can't know who she..." "I do." "Not for sure." "It's a waste of time." "I had a stroke." "You can't keep wasting time." "We were tested for the Peace Corps." "Ten years ago." "You haven't been with your wife every minute of every day." "don't you?" "I think you're..." "Yeah." "I know my wife." "She's not perfect." "I'm not perfect." "But she loves me." "every day." "You're 15 minutes late." "Have you heard the good news?" "Miley Cyrus is playing a third night at the Spectrum?" "Happiness is possible." "And not just in this life but in the next." "Where you can..." "I bought some Islam yesterday." "it's where your light showed signs before mending..." "Have a good evening." "You're late." "Fifteen minutes." "Sixteen minutes." "My sixteen minutes." "So keep him an extra sixteen minutes." "You hear that?" "She doesn't care." "what's it matter?" "You've got a tee-off time?" "It matters because you don't get to decide what matters." "It was my fault." "I had to take a shower." "Which was my fault." "I have to take a dump." "Anything else I don't need to know before you leave?" "right?" "Daddy needs a drink." "if we discount the niceness issue..." "Sit down." "I think it's a heart defect." "Nothing on the echo." "Could be a patent foramen ovale." "Explains the stroke and the syncope and a PFO wouldn't show up on a routine echo." "I'm going to do a bubble test." "first?" "Sure." "I think you've shown remarkable strength in a difficult situation." "Are you giving me a performance review?" "A good one." "I'm gonna do a bubble test." "There was enough blood left over from his admission work up to run the VDRL." "You doubted your patient?" "what I thought didn't matter." "House said he wouldn't let us go on until we ruled out neurosyphilis." "it's a PFO." "It's neurosyphilis." "The tests were positive. which is why I always run the tests twice." "Then they blame the other guy." "half of them aren't." "They don't seem to get that they're busted." "Scientifically proven." "too." "too." "you know that she did." "You'd know she betrayed you." "And then you realize that that sucks worse." "The test must be wrong." "I ran it twice." "Not that test." "The one I took 10 years ago." "What other explanation is there?" "He really sees no other possibility." "Did you have an affair?" "No." "Then why aren't you angry with him?" "You ever know anybody who's just too nice?" "No." "It's annoying. that you'll never be as good as they are." "why can't I? that naive idiot you laughed at" "has made you a better person." "You really think I've been in love all these years with a symptom? and the lesions caused personality changes... as his condition improves." "I know my husband." "He's not going to change." "You should get yourself tested." "So much for the bell curve. but niceness is a biological crime?" "You got five bucks?" "Yeah... being an ass generally turns a profit." "could you excuse us?" "I need to do Taub's review." "You can stay." "I think it'd be better if this was done privately." "This isn't going to be done." "What is with you guys?" "I've given you advice before." "Not as our boss." "What's the difference?" "Advice is advice." "Fair enough." "I'll go first." "which is really pissing me off." "House authorized me to..." "How long have you known him?" "He's using you." "I volunteered because I knew he wouldn't..." "He could care less about the paperwork." "He's using you to screw with you. which will force you to confront the fact that you're no different from us." "to keep you in your place." "It's true." "Thanks." "Not him." "What did he say?" "Nothing." "What's true? it means there's something wrong with House." "Are you trying to get me drunk?" "What time is it?" "10:30." "She'll kill you." "I'll get you home before lights out." "then she'll kill me." "If I get any more drunk..." "It might not work." "If you know what I mean." "Really?" "You'd think one or more of your ex-wives would have mentioned that to me." "They told you?" "Wait." "Why do you want to get Amber angry?" "Because I'm your friend." "you said you approved." "You said you were taking the high road." "the first exit?" "and thank you from saving me from being righteous to death." "Patient's vomiting blood." "Hematemesis could indicate..." "Don't put it on the board." "You don't think it's a symptom?" "I think it's my marker." "He has syph and what?" "And syph." "It can cause hematemesis." "Not everyone agrees." "How could you..." "Because if you all thought it was just syph you wouldn't have woken me up in the middle of the night." "he wouldn't be getting worse." "He's already on penicillin. probably caused by ethanol in the cleansers or the penicillin." "Two more probablies than I like to hear." "are going to take a full day." "actually." "Guy might not make it to brunch." "I knew about your issue with alcohol." "I intentionally got you drunk between you and Amber." "And why I'd do such a thing is an interesting question. and you're the one who's pouring down the drinks." "Why?" "Because I thought I was out having fun with a friend." "I didn't know these drinks had subtext." "I gotta get home." "that rules out alcohol." "What about serum protein?" "It's positive." "Kind of assumed he had protein." "It's how much protein he has that we care about." "He's positive for syphilis." "Do you mind if I give you a performance review?" "Not the patient." "House." "He has syphilis." "What happened?" "I found Anna." "Are you going to tell Marie?" "I have to." "It will destroy her!" "Will it be any worse..." "Yes?" "You might want to turn the off TV." "I'm multitasking." "Also doing my taxes." "And Cuddy." "What did you find out?" "Patient has hepatitis." "I assume from your omission of the word "viral" before the "hep that it's not another STD." "Put him on steroids and test him for sarcoid before the liver failure becomes liver failed." "We're all doing this." "There's more?" "You have syphilis." "Love lasts forever." "I don't." "One of us found a vial of your blood in the lab from when we..." "Which one of you?" "It's treatable." "We filled a prescription." "You okay?" "this is why he is who he is." "We don't know." "We know." "It's not just a coincidence." "Wilson says he's always been a jerk." "But he got worse." "After his leg." "The leg was a coincidence." "Did you sleep with him?" "So what's going to happen?" "What's gonna change?" "Maybe he'll be less of a jerk." "Or less of a doctor." "You gotta be a jerk to be a good doctor?" "I don't know." "Maybe House does." "Why aren't you answering me?" "Because it's none of their business." "It's none of your business." "I think the STD makes it my business." "Humans are complicated." "Humans are simple." "A million different things make us who we are." "you change everything. maybe there's no Magic Flute." "didn't you?" "Something I need to tell you." "You returned him drunk." "On time." "Drunk." "On time." "No tag backs." "The purpose of the time was to give me time." "So you didn't have sex..." "I like sex." "You can have it tonight." "The L Word is on." "You don't get to decide what matters. or you simply can't stop screwing you'll only get worse." "Until either I stop seeing Wilson or I stop you." "What do you think I'm going to choose?" "that's not gonna bring peace to the Mideast." "I'm not terminating the agreement." "I'm amending the agreement." "I'm adding penalty clauses." "Fine." "Whoever violates it gets their finger cut off." "I'm serious." "So am I. take out the airbags and attach a machete pointing at their neck." "No one will drive over three miles per hour." "I'm not cutting..." "We'll figure it out." "On your time." "right?" "I got forms in my desk." "Where is she wrong?" "What were you going to tell me?" "Nothing." "You're punishing me?" "I needed to tell you something privately." "I'm not gonna tell her." "You'll tell her." "She's your girlfriend." "You should tell her." "You're my friend." "It's not the same." "Don't sulk." "Where am I wrong?" "Your management style is counterproductive." "You gave me authority over the team just so they could undercut..." "Critiquing the clap-addled?" "Sort of tasteless." "I don't feel like waiting until your genitals cleared up." "You need to formalize my authority over the team." "I don't." "You don't think I'm qualified?" "Compared to those three?" "You want to punish Cuddy for hiring me without..." "I like Cuddy." "Parts of her." "by crushing me?" "I want to empower them." "Those three idiots need to respect you." "They should respect you." "They should be afraid of you." "So I have to humiliate you. they're useless." "Mocking me saves lives?" "Hospital will probably build you a statue one day." "on the back. the more it shows that I have respect for you." "Or you made up that B.S. Because you like humiliating me." "Wouldn't rule that out completely." "You busy?" "Almost done." "the rabbit goes around the tree and jumps down the hole." "Negative for sarcoidosis." "Run him for everything you can think of." "hemo and the fourth Marx Brother nobody ever heard of." "You bitch!" "I just went to get us some lunch." "You were asleep." "You moved my book!" "it's just the drugs." "The drugs didn't move my..." "Jeff?" "please?" "please!" "She saved his life." "Or she scabbed." "Depends on your point of view." "what do we think?" "New symptom?" "Or just a wife beater?" "Hey." "Time for you took this baby for a spin." "We loaded him full of prednisone to try to fix the liver." "he's running out of organs to fail. which results..." "Roid rage after six hours?" "he'll have eaten most of us." "allergic reaction." "How does a fried liver put him into a rage?" "it's frying his syphilis." "The penicillin's working." "The real patient's emerging." "So syphilis prevents domestic violence." "I'm gonna be even more attractive to the ladies." "I was about to test for a heart issue before the syphilis. and reduced blood flow to the brain could explain the rage." "they're all good ideas." "Okay." "Let's take a vote." "How many think it's the roids talking?" "And who's for the penicillin?" "And how about whatever she said?" "Someone hasn't raised their hand." "Whatever I decide?" "You're setting me up." "Why would I do that?" "PFO." "PFOs have it." "I just hope the bubble test is positive." "Or it's no more Mr. Nice Guy." "We gave van Gogh chelation therapy." "Turned him into a house painter." "Maybe not." "Maybe we just put Hitler on Ritalin." "Are you comparing House to Hitler?" "God." "Just because I don't think he's Hitler doesn't mean I slept with him." "I don't sleep with everyone who's better than Hitler." "Maybe Taub's right." "Maybe this is good." "This is not good." "he shared." "He didn't care." "He never cares. solving the puzzle." "he had no opinion of his own." "He now cares about nothing." "you had to treat him." "What's done is done." "You know that thing I was going to tell you?" "I gotta tell you." "I got to tell someone." "You have to swear not to tell C.B." "that's shrugging." "It's actually the opposite of swearing." "I won't tell Amber." "My team thinks that I have syphilis." "Do you?" "Not yet." "Why do they think you do?" "Because I knew they had access to an old blood sample." "I knew they'd test it sometime for something." "Why would you swap your blood?" "What are you afraid they'd find?" "you're missing the point." "Now they think that I'm on penicillin." "Is this some clever practical joke that I'm not aware of?" "I get nicer." "That's brilliant." "Foreman thinks I actually value his opinion." "Thank God he said PFO or I'd have had to do some dancing." "You got time for bowling?" "it's work hours." "I'll get my shoes." "So we don't need to talk about..." "No." "You're gonna keep screwing..." "Yeah." "And you're gonna keep talking about it." "We are who we are." "I'll get my shoes." "got a good view of the heart." "What if we lower House's dosage?" "Maybe stabilize him?" "he doesn't get better." "he dies of neurosyphilis." "other people die." "Other people who aren't our boss." "People." "This sucks." "The guy had a gift." "I killed..." "Hi." "What..." "House doesn't have syphilis." "He switched the blood samples." "How do you know that?" "House told Wilson." "I wanted to ruin House's day." "See you." "We're idiots." "We're not idiots." "Positive blood test means positive blood test." "Apparently not." "There they are." "Let's see if they..." "What are you doing?" "We're not done." "He doesn't have syphilis." "I know." "right?" "Is this some sort of recap?" "But why did he test positive for syphilis?" "I know this." "he has syphilis." "I was gonna say that." "the test was wrong twice." "he gave us someone else's blood." "Who?" "Amber." "I got to go on a killing spree." "he has something that tests positive for syphilis. before he was married." "Is two a spree or do I have to kill you too?" "Chagas wouldn't explain the niceness." "I've heard of remote tribes that actually practice acts of kindness." "Or the Chagas caused encephalitis." "The MRI showed no signs... compromised the immune system and let the infection flare up." "I did another one." "It's not much." "It's plenty." "You figured this out because I don't have syphilis?" "Damn." "It should have been my epiphany." "Good news and bad news. and you're going to live." "Really?" "What's the bad news?" "The cure is a grueling course of pills." "It's like one a day for a month." "Now you're just trying to make me laugh." "like that's a challenge." "You have Chagas disease." "It's a parasite." "It's been asymptomatic for 10 years. but enough to alter your personality." "We're back to that?" "you don't think he can change?" "That was because of the drugs." "So you think drugs are more powerful than parasites? but I stand by the principle." "I'm not worried." "Neither am I." "Neither am I. But that's because I don't care." "Reviews? I am not respectful of hospital hierarchy." "The word was "contemptuous." "thoughtful..." "Identically phrased." "These are all the same." "we are all the same." "And Foreman refused to type his up." "it's more than I expected." "There's an extra one in there." "Your treatment of patients is nonexistent you're an administrator." "Foreman convinced me that these could be helpful. they're outside carrying signs." "The strike ended." "The nurses have been back for two shifts already." "You'd think I'd have noticed." "What exactly did they do around here?" "but your eyes tell us... which tell us that you're desperate to have someone jump on you and tell you they love you one grunted syllable at a time." "you don't have a clue." "What you've accomplished makes you proud." "But you're still miserable." "Please sign." "I got a call from Amber today." "Says there's been a violation your contract." "You've been seeing Wilson on her time." "we're even." "you are." "You're both losing fingers." "Look what I found." "Nice." "They think you might be able to come home tomorrow." "Yeah?" "That's good." "What's the matter?" "The ketchup." "There's something wrong with that." "Tastes fine." "Is there anything else?" "Everything else is great." "I guess I don't like ketchup anymore." "Wonder what else I don't like." "Roll over." "We need a tougher punishment." "You want to come over to the poopy side?" "So where are you two going Friday night?" "Dinner at L'Auberge." "You're lying." "Of course I am."