"I have a friend, Deborah, a psychologist who was asked by the city of Philadelphia if she could offer psychological counseling to Cambodian refugees boat people, who had recently arrived in the city." "Deborah was daunted by the task." "These Cambodians had suffered genocide, starvation, relatives murdered before their eyes years in refugee camps, harrowing boat trips to the West." "How could she relate to their suffering?" "How could she help these people?" "So guess what all these people wanted to talk about with my friend Deborah, the psychologist." "It was all, "l met this guy in the refugee camp." "I thought he really loved me, but when we got separated he took up with my cousin." "Now he says he loves me and keeps calling me." "They're married now." "What should I do?"" "This is how we are." "May I help you?" "I'm Liz Gilbert." "I'm writing a magazine article on Bali." "I wanted to meet a medicine man." "Everyone said I should meet Ketut Liyer." "Am I in the right place?" "Wait." "I mean, here I am with a ninth-generation medicine man and what do I wanna ask him about?" "Getting closer to God?" "Saving the world's starving children?" "Happy to see you. I am Ketut Liyer." "Nope. I wanna discuss my relationship." "You are a world traveler." "You will live a long time have many friends, many experiences." "You will have two marriages." "One long, one short." "Am I in the long one or the short one?" "Can't tell." "Also you will lose all your money." "I think in next six to 1 0 months." "Don't worry." "You will get it all back again." "And you will come back to Bali and live here for three or four months and teach me English." "I never had anybody to practice my English with." "And then I will teach you everything I know." "Wait." "I have this for you." "Keep grounded so it's like you have four legs." "That way, you can stay in this world." "Also, no looking at world through your head." "Look through your heart instead." "That way, you will know God." "Which is why you came here, no?" "See you later, alligator." "I proofread all of her manuscripts." "My wife is very, very beautiful, but she can't spell for anything." "Look at Uncle Stephen." "And Auntie Liz." "I'm counting the minutes for this to be over so I can get in my big girl pants." "You look fantastic." "You just had a baby." "Oh, you're lying." "I'm fat, I'm exhausted I can't keep two thoughts." "I feel like Liza Minnelli." "Stephen, can you hold Jack?" "l'm gonna introduce you to Walter." "Yeah." "Hey, dude, you wanna grab a beer or something?" "My new book comes out in April." "Thank you for asking." "Great." "May." "May." "May." "This is Andre." "You two are Times' Most Notable nominees." "So glad to finally meet you." "Nice to finally meet you." "I fed him nachos. ls that bad?" "You look comfortable." "What'd you feed him, chloroform?" "Give him to his dad." "l told you, nachos." "Know what?" "I'd be asleep too if I had a dump like that." "We'll give him to his mom." "Come here then." "Wanna help me change his diaper?" "Yes, I do." "Hey, how's the vintage car thing going?" "Oh, no, no, no. I changed jobs." "I'm a pastry chef now." "You mean you're a baker." "Yeah." "You wanna get baked?" "I know, I know." "It's hard, isn't it?" "Oh, no." "This is so much fun." "Did you know the exact moment you wanted to have a baby?" "I can't remember, but I've had the box since before I got married." "What box?" "It's girly and embarrassing, and you'll laugh at me if I tell you." "I will laugh at you, but you still have to tell me." "Come on." "Under the bed." "I've been filling it with baby things waiting until Andy was ready to be a father." "So sweet." "Does this come in my size?" "I have a box just like this, except it's filled with National Geographics and The Times travel section." "All the places I wanna see before I die." "Liz, having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face." "You kind of wanna be fully committed." "So my trip to Aruba next week, which is just a basic, you know "where to sleep, swim and stuff your face" piece...." "I got a new bikini." "And it turns out, I have unlimited minibar access." "You know what that means?" "Jet lag?" "You, me macadamia nuts." "That was cute." "You know who I was talking to at the party who was really inspiring..." "...was Tara's friend." "Brian." "Brian." "Unbelievable." "He's a teacher, you know that?" "He's a substitute teacher, isn't he?" "Yeah." "He was talking about the budget cuts that are happening now." "There's no money for anything." "There's no music classes, there's no arts classes." "They're volunteering their time to do all of this after school." "They're educating our kids, you know?" "I think you'd make a great teacher, honey." "Thank you, but I was thinking more of like education." "Getting my masters, going back to school. I don't know." "You know?" "I" " You know...." "Going back to school." "l'm just thinking out loud." "I was getting the sinking feeling that Ketut's prophecy was coming true." "Was I in the shorter marriage?" "We'd only bought this house a year ago." "Hadn't I wanted this?" "I had actively participated in every moment of the creation of this life." "So why didn't I see myself in any of it?" "The only thing more impossible than staying was leaving." "I didn't wanna hurt anybody. I wanted to slip quietly out the back door and not stop running until I reached Greenland." "Instead, I made a decision." "To pray." "You know, like, to God." "And it was such a foreign concept to me, that I swear I almost began with:" ""l'm a big fan of your work."" "Hello, God?" "Nice to finally meet you. I...." "I am sorry I've never spoken directly to you before but I hope I've expressed my ample gratitude for all the blessings you've given to me in my life." "I'm in serious trouble." "I don't know what to do." "I need an answer." "Please, tell me what to do." "Oh, God, help me, please." "Tell me what to do and I'll do it." "Go back to bed, Liz." "I don't wanna go to Aruba." "I don't wanna be married." "You know, there's a whole divorce section downstairs." ""Pepper grinder."" "She's having..." "...a nervous breakdown." "This is what girls do." "She's processing." "Why doesn't she get drunk or laid?" "That's what I would do if you left me." "No, you wouldn't." "No, I wouldn't." "She moved out, she filed for divorce." "They were together eight years." "She's got no home." ""Legacy."" "Every word in Italian is like a truffle." "A magic trick." "Honey, I get it." "It's your life raft right now." "When Andy and I broke up for two weeks, I bought a loom." "A frigging loom." "And he tried to start a microbrewery." "I don't know how you guys aren't sick of me now." "I'm sick of me." "Are you kidding me?" "We love having you." "It's kind of like having a writer in residence." "But you are a writer." "You should be writing something." "Maybe I could write about a woman who goes to Italy to learn ltalian." "Call it Carbohydrates and Conjugations." "I'll start looking for a place." "l'm falling in love with you." "l'm not who you think I am." "I'm just your fantasy." "No, that's bullshit." "You're real." "Your scars, your talent." "The fact that I own a piece-of-crap bar and you accept that that's all I'm gonna do." "Okay, this sucks." "l second that." "Don't be rude." "I love your pain." "And I love that when we're together, I can make it go away." "Oh, he's good." "You're love..." "He's hot, there's a difference." "...is like a hot panini." "And when I look into your eyes, I hear dolphins clapping." "I did not write that line." "Here's what he doesn't know yet." "I disappear into the person I love." "I am the permeable membrane." "If I love you, you can have it all." "My money, my time, my body my dog, my dog's money." "I will assume your debts and project upon you all sorts of nifty qualities you've never actually cultivated in yourself." "I will give you all this and more until I am so exhausted and depleted the only way I can recover is by becoming infatuated with someone else." "Elizabeth, hi." "Hi." "Oh, really?" "How you doing?" "Cheers." "Thank you." "l owe you an apology." "For the walkouts." "Well, I'm not everyone's cup of tea." "I doubt that." "I, on the other hand, was shit." "Although I was trying very hard." ""Shit" is a strong word." "Thank you." "You seem shorter in person than on the stage." "Really?" "I hear that a lot." "Sorry." "It's okay." "It's unnerving when a total stranger sees you more clearly than you see yourself." "That's what I mean by saying you're short." "Are you hearing dolphins clapping right now?" "I took a few liberties with your material." "I give you full permission to make fun of me." "I know you're dying to." "You're far too charming to make fun of." "I'm still hearing them." "Is that your guru?" "You're joking, but, yes, it is." "She's beautiful." "Yeah." "A friend told me about her." "I was out of work and feeling pretty desperate for something." "Not the last time I was out of work, the time before that." "And I just had this feeling like I was looking in all the wrong places." "Looking for what?" "God." "She has an ashram in India." "I'm dying to go, but you know, you have to get, like, three stages of hepatitis shots and my insurance always runs out." "I'll go when the time's right." "There's a gathering of her students every morning." "If you want, I could take you sometime." "If you're not unnerved by 1 00 crunchy people chanting in Sanskrit." "I need to be unnerved." "David." "A yogi from Yonkers." "I didn't exactly fall in love with the guy." "What happened was I dove out of my marriage and into David's arms exactly the same way a cartoon circus performer dives off a high platform and into a small cup of water vanishing completely." "Your underwear, my queen." "He just folded my delicates." "Oh, my God, baby, you are in so much trouble." "Thirty-six?" "My client is simply not interested in a divorce." "Is he serious?" "Is he really representing himself?" "One semester of law school right here, baby." "Great." "Well, what would it take to interest your client?" "Okay, so here's the deal." "You have screwed up my life but what I wanna know is why couldn't you find yourself in our marriage?" "Why didn't you say what you were thinking?" "l did." "You never listened to me." "No." "You never said:" ""Hey, you know what?" "You suck. I'm deeply unhappy."" "You just took off." "You never gave me a chance to address those problems." "That's not fair." "That's just quitting." "I took vows." "Till death." "And I take them seriously." "I believe this is just a phase and I'm willing to wait it out." "You are always waiting, Stephen." "Waiting for me to come home, to wanna have kids to make you dinner." "I don't know why we can't accept we don't wanna live in unhappiness anymore." "I accept the fact that I am occasionally unreliable and I often get sidetracked, but I thought you liked that about me." "I thought it was okay that I had hopes and dreams." "Have a dream." "Stephen, great, fine." "Do that." "Just pick one." "Okay, I pick one." "I pick you." "I know this is awful." "But I believe with every molecule of my body that you will find the person that wants just what you want." "That will give you what you want and what you deserve. I'm not her." "Well, you obviously know nothing about what I want." "My client would like to submit a song he wrote that he believes is relevant to these proceedings." "Goes something like this:" "Are you kidding?" "Quitter, quitter, quitter!" "How about I take the blame?" "I am the one who couldn't deal with another weekend roaming some box-shaped superstore buying appliances on credit and pretending to be a couple that neither one of us ever knew how to be." "You wanted that toaster." ""You like faking it, fine." "You're stellar." "I'm the failure. I suck at faking it."" "lt was not my finest hour." "So where do things stand now?" "We're prepared to offer half of everything and my client's retirement accounts." "Take it all then." "Everything." "He still said no." "He hates me now." "He doesn't hate you." "His heart is broken." "I think he hates you." "I'm never letting you out of the basement." "Why don't we talk next week and we'll see where things stand?" "Okay." "These things have a way of working themselves out." "So why'd you become a vegetarian?" "I saw some cows slaughtered one time." "Barely touched your dinner." "He's 28." "This is hard for him, isn't it?" "And you?" "The meditations help." "Liz." "You remember a couple of years ago, when you threw yourself into the renovation of your kitchen?" "You were consumed with being the perfect wife and cook." "I was trying to make it work." "Well, I think chanting and meditation is the same thing in a different costume." "Definitely give me that documentary." "I've been thinking about vegetarianism." "My triglycerides are through the roof." "Yeah." "Thanks for everything." "Great to meet you." "What?" "Nothing. lt's just you know, you used to look like Stephen." "Now you kind of look like David." "You know?" "What I meant was, you know how people start resembling their dogs?" "Why would he say that, we look like the same dog?" "He was joking." "Not funny." "Well, he had five Heinekens." "He was bombed." "Well, not funny." "We don't look like the same dog." "If anything, you're a collie and I'm a Tibetan mastiff." "Don't you wanna give me a chance to miss you?" "It begins when the object of your affection bestows upon you a heady hallucinogenic dose of something you've never even dared to admit you wanted an emotional speedball of thunderous love and excitement." "Soon you start craving that attention with the hungry obsession of any junkie." "When it's withheld, you turn sick, crazy, not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff." "Just frustrated, I'm concerned." "I don't understand." "What don't you get?" "What's going on?" "You don't look me in the eye." "You don't finish your" "Nobody's asking you to make the bed!" "You don't have sex with me!" "Sometimes I'm not in the mood!" "Goddamn him, and he used to give it to you for free." "Next stage finds you skinny, shaking in a corner certain only that you'd sell your soul just to have that one thing one more time." "Well, then why don't we discuss it?" "Why don't we sort it?" "Why don't we act like adults?" "Okay." "Can I have a little space?" "How about that?" "Meanwhile the object of your adoration is now repulsed by you." "You don't always make me miserable." "There's a comfort." "I just" " Sometimes I need to come home and have a little David time." "He looks at you like someone he's never met before." "ls that okay?" "Yeah." "No, it's fine." "And not have to, like, you know, justify it." "The irony is you can hardly blame him." "I mean, check yourself out." "You're a mess." "Unrecognizable even to your own eyes." "You asked me to come here?" "Here I am." "And it turned into something else." "Didn't it?" "You are such a child." "Right." "I can't take this anymore." "Great." "Perfect." "That's a great response to a conversation." "Goddamn it." "You have now reached infatuation's final destination." "The complete and merciless devaluation of self." "You wanna go away for a year?" "Do you know what I felt when I woke up, Delia?" "Nothing." "No passion, no spark, no faith, no heat." "Absolutely nothing." "I've gotten past the point where I can be calling this a bad moment." "And it just terrifies me." "Jesus, this is like worse than death to me the idea that this is the person I'm gonna be from now on." "This happens to people." "They fall in love in their 20s, get married do the granite countertop, white-picket fence in their 30s and somewhere they realize, "This is not for me."" "So they fail and they fall down, they hurt like hell, they straighten up and march their asses to the shrink's office." "They can't just check out." "l am not checking out." "I need to change." "You have a support system here, Liz." "You have friends and family who love you." "And do you feel my love for you?" "My support for you?" "No." "There's, like, nothing. I have no pulse." "l am going to Italy." "Italy." "Why Italy?" "What did you have for lunch?" "l don't know." "A salad." "Exactly. I used to have this appetite for food, for my life and it is just gone." "I wanna go someplace where l can marvel at something." "Language, gelato, spaghetti, something." "You're talking like a college kid." "l've been acting like one." "Since I was 1 5, I've either been with a guy or breaking up with a guy." "I have not given myself two weeks of a breather to just deal with, you know, myself." "What's going on with you and David?" "What, did you fall out?" "I don't know how to be here." "You wanna know how to be here?" "Stop constantly waiting for something." "I'm going to Italy and then I'm going to David's guru's ashram in India and I'm going to end the year in Bali." "That's what I'm gonna do." "That's harder to argue with." "The beaches are nice." "But why?" "Ketut told me I would." "Guy with no teeth." "When you're desperate and some guy who, yes, looks a little like Yoda hands you a prophecy, you have to respond." "Do you need a Xanax?" "Always." "Okay, I'm just gonna say it." "I'm gonna say it and be done with it." "What if it doesn't work?" "My whole life fits in a 1 2-foot-square box." "You know how many times I hear that in a day?" "Most of them never come back for their whole life." "Hello?" "Liz." "Good news." "Stephen just signed the divorce papers." "I'll probably be back in a week, penniless with dysentery." "You're my hero." "Hey." "If you stay, we'll go out for Indian every night." "You never asked me to stay." "Go, go, go." "You know what's funny?" "This is the first time in my life there's no one waiting at home for me." "I don't even have a home to come back to." "Oh, God." "You'll make friends." "You'll make friends with a backpack, of course." "It'd be great to get away." "Andy and I were talking about getting a little villa in Florence for a month." "You know, and in 1 0 years, when Jack is older...." "What?" "You know why I was giving you such a hard time?" "I love my job, my guy and my kid, but...." "I wish I could go." "I love you and I'm proud of you." "Now go." "There is a wonderful old Italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint, begging:" ""Dear saint, please, please, please let me win the lottery."" "Finally, the exasperated statue comes to life and looks down at the begging man and says:" ""My son, please, please, please buy a ticket."" "So now I get the joke." "And I've got three tickets." "You heat the water on the stove." "So if I want to bathe...?" "You put the water in the tub." "Okay." "Yeah. lt doesn't really seem like enough water to bathe in." "Not enough." "Yes, it's enough." "Fill it up three, four, five times." "Everything that's important gets cleaned." "Is this safe?" "This scaffolding?" "Scaffol" "It holds up the ceiling." "Otherwise it will fall apart." "Everything falls apart, my dear." "The only thing permanent in life is family." "You're not married." "No, divorziata." "Why divorced?" "We broke it." "You're more happy now?" "I have one rule." "No strange men spending the night." "You American girls when you come to Italy all you want is pasta and sausage." "I'll take it." "Good." "You chose well." "Cappuccino." "lt's a zoo in here." "And my Italian sucks." "How long have you been here?" "Two weeks." "You?" "Six weeks." "You'll get better." "Two cappuccinos, please." "And warm the milk this time." "Yesterday it was too hot and burned my tongue." "You like Napoleons?" "Of course." "And two Napoleons, please." "Your Italian is fantastic." "I have a wonderful tutor." "I'll give you his number if you like." "He's really good and he needs work." "Oh, great." "Are you Dutch?" "German?" "Swedish." "Even colder people, if you can imagine." "l'm Liz, by the way." "Sofi." "You can say:" "It's past." "Too fast, but okay." "You can say:" "Yeah." "What a beautiful word." "Come on, it's "let's cross over." It's so ordinary." "No, it's the perfect combination of Italian sounds." "It's the wistful "ah," the rolling trill, the soothing "ess."" "That's true." "l love it." "All right, let me teach you a word." "Therapist." "Come on." "Good." "You gotta learn humor." "lt's not." "Come on." "Cheers." "Shall we continue Tuesday at 5?" "Yes." "With another bottle of the therapy?" "Of course." "You're doing very well, Liz." "Thank you." "And you must be very polite with yourself when you learn something new." "Yes." "Grazie, I agree." "But your English" " How are you even talking to me like this right now?" "I think you're gonna teach me more than I teach you." "You have good Italian." "Very good." "All right." "I am alone." "I feel so guilty." "I've been in Rome for three weeks all I've done is learn a few Italian words and eat." "You feel guilty because you're American." "You don't know how to enjoy yourself." "l beg your pardon?" "lt's true." "Americans know entertainment, but don't know pleasure." "This is Luca Spaghetti, by the way, you know." "Your name is Luca Spaghetti?" "Yes, that's what our family is called." "We invented it." "I'm serious." "Listen to me." "You want to know your problem?" "Americans." "You work too hard." "You get burned out." "Then you come home and spend the whole weekend in your pajamas in front of the TV." "That's not far off, actually." "But you don't know pleasure." "You have to be told you've earned it." "You see a commercial that says, "It's Miller time" and you say, "That's right." "Now I will go to buy a six-pack."" "And drink the whole thing and wake up the next morning and you feel terrible." "But an Italian doesn't need to be told." "He walks by a sign that says, "you deserve a break today" and he says, "Yeah, I know." "That's why I'm planning on taking a break at noon to go over to your house and sleep with your wife."" "We call it "dolce far niente."" "It means the sweetness of doing nothing." "We are masters of it." "He's right." "He says you can't learn ltalian like this." "You don't speak the language just with your mouth, speak it with your hands." "Like this?" "Okay. ls yelling." "'THAT MEAL WAS EXCELLENT'" "'SUCK IT'" "All this gives me a stomachache." "'SCREW YOU'" "l think that's my neighbor Lorenzo." "Charming." "ANOTHER WAY TO SAY 'SCREW YOU'" "So anyway, to start off I'd say...." "Excuse me." "Come here." "For the table a big platter of artichoke alla giudia prosciutto with melon and eggplant with ricotta affumicata." "Then spaghetti alla carbonara pappardelle with ragu of rabbit and linguini with clams." "Then tripe alla romana and saltimbocca." "And two more liters of the vino sfuso from Genzano." "Thank you." "You did it." "Yes." "Liz Gilbert, you are a Roman woman now." "No, only honorary." "That is a real Roman woman." "Yeah, with a lot of international friends." "That one, I'd bite." "Maybe you and Rome just have different words." "Different words?" "Yeah." "Yeah. lt's like each city has a word, if you really think about it." "Like, what is the word for London?" "l would say "stuffy." -l would agree with that." "What's the word for Stockholm?" "Are you kidding? "Conform."" "And New York?" ""Ambition" or "soot."" "What's the word for Rome?" "It's kind of difficult to think about." "It's classic." ""Sex."" "Of course." "So, what's your word, Liz?" "I'm curious. I can't figure it out." "Well...." "It might be...." "It started as "daughter." I was good at that." "And then "wife." Not so good." ""Girlfriend."" "Not so good." "My word's "writer."" "Yeah, but that's what you do." "That isn't who you are, no?" "Maybe you're a woman in search of her word." "Hey, Sofi, it's Liz." "Let's go to Naples." "Maybe my word is "pizza."" "Listen, lady, I am only 7, but I can tell you're a complete moron because I am from Naples." "I love this place, but Giovanni said to watch out." "His cousin got mugged here in a museum." "Are you serious?" "Watch out for the scooter." "Yeah." "I'm in love. I'm having a relationship with my pizza." "You look like you're breaking up with the pizza." "What's the matter?" "I can't." "What do you mean, you can't?" "This is pizza in Napoli." "It is your moral imperative to eat that pizza." "I want to, but I've gained, like, 1 0 pounds." "I mean, I've got this...." "Right here." "What's it called?" "What's the word?" "A muffin top." "I have one too." "I unbuttoned my jeans five minutes ago just looking at this." "Let me ask you a question." "In all the years you've ever undressed in front of a gentleman...." "Hasn't been that many." "All right, well has he ever asked you to leave?" "Has he ever walked out?" "Left?" "No." "Because he doesn't care." "He's in a room with a naked girl." "He's won the lottery." "I'm so tired of saying no and then waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before." "Counting every calorie so I know exactly how much self-loathing to take into the shower." "I'm going for it." "I have no interest in being obese." "I'm just through with the guilt." "This is what I'm gonna do." "I'm gonna finish this pizza and then we're gonna go watch the soccer game." "And tomorrow we're gonna go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans." "Giovanni likes a muffin." "Attagirl." "He's saying, "For whom are you playing?"" "Per chi, for whom." "Pull, pull. I'm sucking it in." "Put some Swedish muscle into this." "You think this happened to Sophia Loren?" "There it goes." "Almost got it." "Go, go, go." "You're not trying." "I've almost got it. I've almost got it." "I did it." "Oh, that's beautiful." "You should get it." "For whom?" "For you, Liz." "Just for you." "No, I'm happy just with my big lady pants." "Thanks for the day." "And the leg room." "It was fun." "We're gonna go for food." "Wanna come?" "No." "No, I'm good." "The sweetness of doing nothing." "Please." "Please get off the floor." "Will you please just...?" "Will you come up here?" "What if we just acknowledge that we have a screwed-up relationship and we stick it out anyway?" "We accept that we fight a lot and we hardly have sex anymore but that we don't wanna live without each other." "And that way we can spend our lives together miserable but happy not to be apart." "Dear David:" "We haven't had any communication in a while and it's given me time I needed to think." "Remember when you said we should live with each other and be unhappy so we could be happy?" "Consider it a testimony to how much I love you that I spent so long pouring myself into that offer trying to make it work." "But a friend took me to the most amazing place the other day." "It's called the Augusteum." "Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains." "When the barbarians came, they trashed it along with everything else." "The great Augustus, Rome's first true great emperor how could he have imagined that Rome the whole world, as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins?" "During the Dark Ages, someone came in here and stole the emperor's ashes." "In the 12th century, it became a fortress then a bullring." "They stored fireworks in here after that." "Nowadays, it's a bathroom for the homeless so you better watch your step going down." "It's one of the quietest and loneliest places in Rome." "The city has grown up around it over centuries." "It feels like a precious wound like a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good." "I like it messy." "We all want things to stay the same, David." "I guess the guy before me must've been some angel, huh?" "Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins." "Then I looked around in this place, at the chaos it's endured the way it's been adapted, burned, pillaged then found a way to build itself back up again, and I was reassured." "Maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic." "It's just the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it." "Ruin is a gift." "Ruin is the road to transformation." "Hey." "You ready?" "Yeah." "Even in this eternal city, the Augusteum showed me that we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation." "Both of us deserve better than staying together because we're afraid we'll be destroyed if we don't." "My mother's stuffing." "Stale bread, walnuts, got those." "Will you get me some more potatoes?" "Oh, I'm always getting you more potatoes." "It's my dream, a real American Thanksgiving." "The perfect way to say goodbye to our Liz." "So..." "...you leave this week, huh?" "Yes." "And where are you going?" "Iran?" "India." "Liz is making us an American meal tonight." "You are not married, yeah?" "No." "What's wrong with your friend, is she a lesbian?" "No, Mama, she's not a lesbian." "And she understands Italian." "How's she going to find another husband and start a family when she's on the other side of the world?" "If a man said, "l'm going to travel for a year and meet wonderful people...."" "But she's not a man." "It's more difficult for a woman to feel that she has the right to make choices." "lt takes a lot of courage." "Exactly." "You call it courage, I call it stupidity." "Mama, enough." "I know a number of people who would agree with you." "Luca?" "What time will the turkey be ready?" "The turkey...." "I haven't defrosted it yet." "Oh, shit." "You only had one thing to do and you screwed it up." "I was distracted!" "It can happen!" "Too much good food!" "Too many women!" "And I forgot!" "Now, before we eat, everyone it is Thanksgiving, so let us give thanks." "Yeah." "Come on, join hands." "Okay." "So we just say what we...." "What we thank God for tonight." "Sofi, why don't you start?" "I am grateful for you, Liz for helping me appreciate life with all that comes with it muffin tops and bad times." "And for Giovanni for making me feel loved and secure." "And Giulio." "Me, I'm grateful for my beautiful family." "My two little daughters and my wife." "I thank God and the Holy Virgin for this very, very special day." "And for this beautiful family that today is so much bigger." "Very much bigger." "I thank you all for this new custom of celebration." "And Liz's stuffing and God for my sexiness." "And you, Ruffina?" "I thank God for my sexiness." "Go ahead." "Giovanni." "I thank God for fear because for the first time I'm afraid the person next to me will be the one who wants to leave." "Liz?" "Well, this all makes me so grateful." "Seeing all you happy people who know how to love each other and take care of each other." "I look at the amazing women I've met who I admire so much and the great men, taking care of their women and putting their children to bed." "I just feel happy to see it and to be part of it." "I'm the luckiest girl in the world." "It's a good breakfast, huh?" "I will take this to your room." "It has already started." "l fell asleep." "Yeah." "Pity." "Probably the only person in the world who ever fell asleep during meditation." "This leads to the meditation garden." "ls the guru here?" "She's always here." "l know, but is she "here" here?" "She's at her ashram in New York." "But I came from New York to see her here." "Sounds like one of her little tricks." "The meditation cave." "It's open 24/7 and it's air-conditioned." "Corella?" "This is Liz Gilbert." "Hi." "Nice to meet you." "Where did you get that button?" "They sell them in the bookstore." "That is exactly what I need." "I need something like that. I don't listen." "I never have." "My mom used to call me Little Miss Chatty Cathy because I just ramble." "I am a rambler." "I am rambling now. I'm sorry." "Silence is a wonderful spiritual practice but if Corella could speak, she'd tell you it's more challenging than it looks." "Wait till you've been here for a while." "Okay." "Thank you, Corella." "I'll be sure to tell her." "What did she say?" "No idea." "Change into your work clothes." "I'll take you to your seva." "It's a Hindu word for "selfless devotional work."" "lt's required of everyone who stays." "Okay." "Thank you." "Is there anything in this world skinnier than an Indian teenage boy?" "l'm Tulsi." "Liz." "Where are you from?" "The next town." "My parents have been devotees of the guru for many years." "We spend a lot of time here." "But they are trying to marry me off." "That's the custom." "That's not what you want?" "No way. lt sucks." "I want to study psychology, just as our guru did when she attended college." "I prefer to be with God than boys my age." "No one in my family understands my coming all the way to India." "Do you ever look at them and wonder, "What am I doing in this family?"" "You have no idea." "The Guru Gita is an ancient text 1 82 verses long." "In it, the goddess Parvati is asking Shiva, or God for the secrets of fulfillment." "It's said to have transforming qualities." "I would just like to take a risk here and say...." "Me and Guru Gita, we just do not get along." "What is it you have trouble with?" "Everything." "It's long, it's tedious, I can't keep up and I get these insane anxieties about everything in my life and I've lost my place." "Sounds like it has a positive effect if you're having such strong emotions and physical reactions." "You keep trying." "It is most commendable that you ended your marriage." "You seem like such a happy, free person now." "I think my ex-husband would describe me as selfish." "You mustn't be angry with yourself or disappointed." "You don't have to make children or be married to have a family." "Oh, man." "They got mosquitoes here big enough to stand flat-footed and screw a chicken." "l love you." "Liz, have you met..." "..." "Richard from Texas?" "Hello, Richard from Texas." "Nice to meet you, Groceries." "Groceries?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I heard you eating before I saw you." "I never seen anybody eat so much at one time." "You sure do enjoy your groceries." "You know, it's been a rough day, and if no one takes it personally I'm going to take my large meal someplace else to eat it in silence." "Oh, no, stay." "I'm done." "Looked like you were working through some pretty rough stuff this morning." "Stuff with your ex-husband?" "I got an ex-wife." "She thinks I changed my name to "Motherfucker."" "I" "I just spent some time in Rome and I came here feeling so great." "And now here I am, at the source and I feel more disconnected than ever." "Why'd you come here?" "I just want some peace." "Peace?" "You wanna get to the castle, Groceries you got to swim the moat." "Here, you can finish that." "I know you can." "Okay." "Simply empty your mind." "Breathe." "What am I going to do when this year is over?" "Where am I going to live?" "Well, maybe Chicago." "Oh, my God." "I could build a meditation room" "No." "Stop thinking." "Why is this so hard?" "Screw you, Corella." "How the hell does she do this?" "She looks like frigging Mother Teresa." "Oh, my God, kill me." "Who's in the moat today?" "Shut up." "Sounds like you wrestled some big-ass crocs." "You know what?" "If you're so goddamn smart, what are you doing here?" "If you're here, it makes you smart already." "Do you wanna talk about what--?" "No, not to you." "Thank you." "I'm the only one here." "You're gonna talk about it sooner or later." "I cannot focus in there." "All I think about is my meditation room and how to decorate." "Are you shitting me?" "Are you kidding me?" "The meditation room is within, Groceries." "Decorate that." "Do you always talk in bumper sticker?" "I do, and here's another one." "You have to learn to select your thoughts the way you select your clothes every day." "That's a power you can cultivate." "You wanna come here and control your life so bad, work on the mind." "That's the only thing you should control." "If you can't master your thoughts, you're in trouble." "I am trying." "Yeah, hello, that's the damn problem." "Stop trying." "Surrender." "Go out into the garden and just sit there and still your mind and you watch what happens." "Why don't you just let it be?" "Has anyone ever told you you look like James Taylor?" "Every day." "God, he really does." "My prayers were always the same." ""Please, God, please." "Open my heart, send me a sign because we both know I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed."" "Look at you, floating through Calcutta." "Looks like you had a great meditation." "I probably have malaria now." "The bites will go away." "Eventually everything goes away." "You ever done that, Groceries?" "Begged for a sign?" "That sounds vaguely familiar." "Be careful what you wish for." "You just might get it." "What is your problem?" "Did you fall in love with the wrong woman or something?" "Excuse me, Miss Gilbert." "You have a phone call." "How's the Guru Gita treating you?" "Fine." "You'd like her." "Did you get my e-mail?" "Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner." "Why didn't you?" "Because if I didn't respond we were still having a conversation." "I was still in it." "I'm sorry." "We were just bad timing." "I just wanted things to be easy." "We were good when things were easy." "It's not that I need "easy" right now." "I just can't have "so hard."" "Well, you sound good." "Stronger." "So do you." "Yeah, well, I'm an actor, Liz." "I got a part." "It's off-Broadway, but it's pretty cool." "I'm happy for you." "All right." "Well, I'll see you around, kid." "Check you out." "I have never seen you so focused." "You need a Thums Up." "No, no." "No lips on the bottle." "First rule in India is never touch anything but yourself." "Oh, good God." "That's, like, five times sweeter than Coke." "I think it might have methamphetamines in it." "We can only hope." "I know you feel awful." "But your life's changing." "That's not a bad thing." "And you're in the perfect place for it." "Surrounded by grace." "I thought I was over him, but I love him." "Big deal." "So you fell in love with someone." "l really miss him." "So miss him." "Send him some light and love every time you think of him, then drop it." "You know, if you could clear out all that space in your mind that you're using to obsess over this guy and your failed marriage, you'd have a vacuum with a doorway." "And you know what the universe would do with that doorway?" "Rush in." "God would rush in." "Fill you with more love than you ever dreamed of." "Man." "Groceries." "I think you have the capacity someday to love the whole world." "What do they sell over there?" "Ganesh." "Remover of obstacles." "I'm gonna need a lot of these." "Speaking of elephants, there's a rogue elephant on the loose in the area." "He was with carnival." "They say he is very, very unpredictable and volatile." "That just makes him more attractive to her." "How'd you get to be so smart?" "I'll bet it was the hard way." "Don't change the subject." "Well, when is this grieving phase going to pass?" "You want a day on a calendar you can circle?" "Can you give me one?" "No." "You got to do the work." "Meditate and go to seva and most important, get your butt down to the Geet every morning and something'll change." "I just cannot get through the Guru Gita." "I can't find that feeling of devotion." "Okay." "Devotion's love." "Pick somebody or something you wanna devote it to." "It doesn't have to be the guru." "It's all the same to her." "This is about you." "Can I tell you something, Groceries?" "You got some serious control issues." "Is it obvious?" "All right, Richard, get out from inside my head now." "Shut the door." "That's him?" "That's him." "He's hideous." "No, he's not." "He's cute." "He's a Sagittarius." "He studies computer programming in Delhi." "He has very good grades." "And his family is very, very wealthy." "He will be very conceited and dictatorial." "My life is over at 1 7." "Tulsi." "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the dance floor for their very first couples dance, Liz and Stephen." "My people." "Are you ready?" "l'm ready." "You look beautiful." "Thank you." "I married a hottie." "What is that?" "That's not our song." "No, it is not." "Baby, that's not our song." "Definitely not." "Everybody's looking at us." "It's okay." "I'm gonna go talk to the guy." "It's gonna be fine." "l told you I'd get it." "This is taking care of it?" "I owe you a wedding gift." "I didn't know what was appropriate." "I wanted to tell you I've been dedicating my Guru Gita to you." "Imagining you happy is what got me through it." "What did it look like when I was happy?" "I imagine you and Rijul smiling and looking at each other with love and kindness." "It seemed very real." "Thank you so much, Liz." "That helps me to believe it as well." "Thinking about your own wedding?" "Yeah, me too." "The funny thing about weddings, you end up thinking about yourself." "Did you throw yourself a big shindig?" "Big, white, floppy dress?" "Yep. I arranged it all." "Nobody forced me into anything." "Yeah." "And now you can't forgive yourself." "Honestly, I'm waiting for him to forgive me." "To release me." "Waiting for him to forgive you is a damn waste of time, Groceries." "Forgive yourself." "It's not that easy." "Yeah." "Good night, Richard." "Follow me." "l'm tired." "Get your butt up here." "It's not a pretty story but it's pretty classic." "Too much alcohol, too many drugs, too much mindless cheating." "Just regret." "Ocean of regret." "I lost everything." "My pride, my job." "My family." "I lost my family." "One day after work, I stopped off at a bar and I got shitfaced." "I was a lot like you, you know." "I was just" " I don't know." "I thought too much, I felt too...." "I wanted to feel nothing." "I should've called a cab, but I didn't." "I just got in my car and I drove home." "My little boy...." "He was 8 years old at the time." "He was pl" "He was sitting in the driveway with his little Hot Wheels, waiting for his lost drunk, miserable dad to come home and play with him." "I didn't see him." "I didn't." "I just roared into that driveway and I didn't see my little boy." "But he" " No, he...." "He got out of the way." "He was used to getting out of the way when I was around." "And l" " You know, I don't" "I don't know." "I don't remember a thing." "Next day, I woke up and they were gone." "My wife had been watching what happened out the window." "She just wasn't gonna...." "She just wasn't gonna do it anymore." "So...." "He's 1 8 now." "He's in school and, oh, God, he's so smart." "God, he's so funny and he's...." "He's so sweet." "I missed it all." "I missed my son's growing up." "Just missed it." "Okay?" "Come here." "Here's the deal." "You're gonna stay here till you forgive yourself." "You hear me?" "Everything else will take care of itself." "Is this where you forgave yourself?" "I'm trying, Elizabeth." "I am trying." "Hey." "I believe this is the song they were supposed to play at our wedding." "I did love you, Stephen." "I know." "But I still love you." "So love me." "But I miss you." "So miss me." "Send me love and light every time you think of me then drop it." "It won't last forever." "Nothing does." "Bye-bye." "Goodbye, Mr. Richard." "I'll see you." "Now that you're going, who is gonna kick my ass every day?" "Oh, I'd stay till a monsoon swept me away if I could." "Bye-bye." "But you've got bills to pay and houses to build." "You just keep doing the work and move on with your life, will you?" "The man is getting on a plane and you're still bossing me." "I've got your whole list: move on, use mosquito repellent and...." "I don't know." "There were some other things." "I wrote them down." "Go back to Texas, Richard." "Well, I ain't getting any prettier standing here." "So I'm off." "Hey, Groceries." "Believe in love again." "Liz." "Liz, I've just taken my badge off today." "I've done so well." "Four weeks of silence. lt was so dull." "But it's like a facelift because your face you know, just relaxes and your throat just drops down." "It's a bargain." "We've got so much to catch up on." "Oh, golly." "Good for you." "You will get so much out of that." "And your throat will look amazing as well." "Excuse me, Elizabeth." "They're asking you to report to the seva office after dinner if you don't mind." "We're taking you off the floor-scrubbing team." "There are about 50 devotees arriving tomorrow from all over the world for a 1 0-day retreat and we'd like you to be the key hostess." "We ask that you don't take part during the meditations." "We need you to watch over the flock, make sure everyone is all right." "We call the person who does this job Little Suzy Cream Cheese." "You need to be social and bubbly and smiling all the time." "Madam I'm your girl." "So just find your suitcase, it should be here somewhere and then head down the path to your room." "So the holy truth of the whole adventure here in India is in one line:" "God dwells within you as you." "God's not interested in watching a performance of how a spiritual person looks and behaves." "The quiet girl who glides silently through the place with a gentle, ethereal smile, who is that person?" "That's Ingrid Bergman in The Bells of St. Mary's, not me." "God dwells within me as me." "Child tormented by demon." "It looks like teething." "Same thing." "Your turn." "Hello, Ketut." "I'm very happy to meet you." "You are a world traveler." "No, I came to see you about a year ago." "You girl from California?" "No, I girl from New York." "Don't remember." "Well, you told me I should come back here to Bali." "You said I could help you with your English and you would teach me the things that you know." "You gave me this." "Okay." "You." "You. I remember you." "Oh, good." "You sad girl from New York." "Yes." "You Liss." "You came back." "l came back." "You, you, you." "Me, me, me." "So long ago we meet." "Last time, you have too much worry, too much sorrow." "Last time, you look like sad old woman." "Now you pretty." "Why so different?" "Well a lot of things, really." "But I was in Rome for four months, just feeding myself and then I went to live at an ashram in India." "Now, we put together." "Exactly." "That's why I'm here." "Ketut good for that." "What'd you give him?" "Do you still want me to help you with your English?" "English later, Liss." "First, better idea." "How old are these?" "From grandfather." "Very important spells." "Also mantras, cures." "Thousand years' worth." "All I have, all I know, right here." "You copy for me?" "Absolutely. I can go to town and take these" "No." "You don't take." "You copy here, better, Liss." "I take a nap now. I very old." "How old are you, Ketut?" "One hundred and one or maybe 64." "Don't remember." "This is gonna take me the rest of my life." "He make you pretty, find you husband, you work hard for him." "That's exactly opposite of why I'm here." "Everybody need husband." "Would you mind getting me water?" "No." "Fine." "Keep making copies." "I get water." "So, Liz, the Balinese believe that Bali's the center of the universe." "And here we are in the center of Bali." "You got the one bedroom, got your fish pond." "You got your own meditation temple." "I tell you, since the bombing, tourism's been way down so I can give you this place at a very, very good price right now." "Paradise." "l'll take it." "People in Bali understand in order to stay happy, must always know where you are every moment." "Right here is perfect balance." "Right at meeting of heaven and earth." "Not too much God, not too much selfish." "Otherwise, life too crazy." "You lose balance, you lose power." "In morning, you do meditation from India." "Serious." "Very serious." "In day, you enjoy Bali." "Then in afternoon, come see me." "End of day, you do new meditation." "Very simple." "Sit in silence and smile." "I feel balanced already." "Not so easy, Liss." "Smile with face." "Smile with mind." "Even smile in liver." "See you later, alligator." "Oh, God." "Are you all right?" "Are you blind?" "Please, let me take you to a doctor." "l'm fine. I just" "It looks bad." "Very bad, Liss." "What happen?" "This idiot ran me off the road." "A man?" "He rich?" "This very hot." "You need healer." "l have you." "You're a medicine man." "No." "You need Wayan." "Yeah." "Jamu." "Drink this." "Better than antibiotic." "She make you drink this?" "My name's Liz." "What's yours?" "Tutti." "Nice to meet you, Tutti." "Are you married?" "No." "You sure?" "Not even once?" "Okay, well, there was this one time but I find when I tell people in Bali that I'm divorced, it upsets them." "Me too, divorce." "Divorce make you sad and make you an outcast." "You have no sex for a long time, baby." "I can tell by your knee." "The cartilage very dry." "Hormones from sex lubricate joint." "Okay." "l pray for you." "We sisters." "Armenia!" "Armenia from Brazil." "Armenia, this is Liz from New York." "Hi." "Lovely to meet you, Liz." "Time for a banana root hair treatment?" "Yes, of course." "lt makes the hair long and lustrous." "Like Cher circa 1 975." "Do you have a nice dress?" "One." "Put it on tonight, come to the Beach Shack." "I'll introduce you to everyone." "The expats, the locals." "You'll dance." "You will love it." "Oh, no, I don't think I can dance with my leg like this." "Of course you can." "Leg no problem." "You see." "Now you have to come." "Hi." "Could I get a tequila on the rocks with a lot of lime, please?" "Coming right up." "Can I buy you a drink?" "No, thank you, I'm fine." "I-- l almost killed you." "I am sorry for that, really." "Hello." "Hi." "I'm sorry, really." "Yeah." "I'm sorry I'm laughing, but it's amazing." "I was actually listening to this song in the car when the tape jumped." "And I leaned over to fix it and I ran you off the road." "Did you tell them to play it?" "No, no, no." "I make them mixtapes." "Mostly Brazilian music." "But I'm also very much into Phil Collins and Air Supply." "You really shouldn't say things like that out loud." "Liz!" "Hi." "Oh, I see you've already met Felipe." "Oh, of course." "Two sad divorces." "You have so much in common." "I have the perfect man for you." "Just a little love affair." "Everyone has a little love affair in Bali." "Isn't he charming?" "Ian." "Doesn't he look like Sting?" "Oh, yeah." "I made a very good mixtape of Sting." "You should dance with him." "Got you." "Come on, I got you." "That's gonna hurt tomorrow." "All right." "You know what?" "That is it." "We are going swimming." "No, I don't even have my-- l" "You don't have your" " You don't" "You're so naked." "Yeah, I'm naked." "Armenia says everyone should have a love affair." "This is Bali." "Everyone should have a love affair in Bali." "Yeah, but" "Oh, God." "No, no, no." "Love affairs are awesome, dude." "They are. I just" "I dated you 1 5 years ago." "And I dated you six months ago." "So I'm gonna go." "You're not" " You're really-- You're going." "But you're cute." "I think I look good." "Wait a minute." "Oh, sorry." "Here." "Thank you." "Do you need a ride?" "That way I won't run you over again." "Hello." "What time is it?" "Five a.m." "Oh, you party hard." "You really do." "Thank you for...." "The ride?" "Yeah." "You're very welcome." "Need help with the bicycle?" "You keep it." "Keep it?" "But it has a basket." "It also has a bell." "Good afternoon." "How are you?" "What are you doing here?" "Well, I've brought you Wayan's famous hangover cure because you drank a little bit too much last night." "And here it is." "Very delicious, as you can see and very tasty." "Do you make it a habit of walking into people's houses?" "Do you make it a habit of sleeping with your front door open?" "It's a call." "Moment." "Hello, darling." "How are you?" "Can't get the coffee machine to work." "Okay. I've told you 50 times." "It's very easy." "You change the filter, you add the coffee you add water and that's it." "How did you get into college?" "How do I make it like you?" "Listen, I've been making coffee darling, for 40 years, so you have to be patient with yourself." "All right?" "Okay." "So, what's up with you?" "Nothing. I just can't talk right now." "Holy shit." "You're with a girl." "l have to go." "Who is she?" "is she hot?" "Jesus, she's hot." "Dad, if you hang up I'll call back and embarrass you." "Dad, don't" "That's a lot of "darlings," darling." "Yeah." "That darling was my son." "I've called all my children "darling" since they were little." "Then there was a moment that between the pets and the children I was confused, so I called everybody "darling."" "Okay, you need to rest." "Here is my number and my address." "I'm gonna leave it here on the table, in case you need a tour guide." "A tour guide." "And please, drink that up, because it's gonna help you a big deal." "Because you really look...." "Ravishing?" "Astonishing." "Go away." "Please." "Okay." "Drink it up." "It's gonna be helpful." "Hey, Mr. Tour Guide." "Can we start with a coffee?" "Okay." "What are these?" "These are rambutan." "They're delicious." "It's like an orange made love to a plum." "Would you like some?" "When you put it that way, yes, thank you." "Excuse me." "What is that?" "No, no, no." "They taste like dirty feet." "Really?" "Dirty feet." "They taste like feet." "Look out." "Nice." "How many places have you visited?" "I have 46 stamps on my passport." "I happen to have 49 stamps on my passport." "Forty-nine?" "I knew it." "Yes." "Knew what?" "l knew it." "We are both antevasins, my dear." "What is that?" "Antevasin is...." "It's an in-between." "It is the one who lives by the border because they renounce to the comfort of family life in order to seek "enlightment."" "I like your word." "And I like the way you say "enlightment."" ""Enlightment." I try." "You're missing a syllable, but I like it." "It's beautiful, no?" "It's Pura Melanting, which means "Temple of Prosperity."" "Beautiful." "Yup." "So next attraction of the tour?" "Yes." "Food from Bali." "Oh, good. I'm starving." "Where should we go?" "To the best restaurant in town." "Of course." "My place." "Subtle." "Did you always live in Brazil before you came to Bali?" "No, no." "Only for 20 years." "Then I met my wife and I moved with her to Australia." "She traveled a lot because of the job." "And I stayed home with the children." "A good feminist husband." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Didn't turn out to be what she wanted, I'm afraid." "What happened?" "What happened?" "Well, the children were grown." "And I run an import-export jewelry business, so I could live anywhere." "And Bali seemed like the perfect place to recover from a divorce." "And here I am." "Here I am." "And you?" "Well, far less tragic." "We were immature and really too young to get married." "We grew apart." "Hearts were broken." "Yes." "Then it's the same." "This is just perfect." "So are you." "You know what you are?" "You're a falsa magra." "You know what that is?" "What?" "You are slender and elegant in a distance but up close, you are round and fleshy." "Thank God for Brazilians." "Stop that!" "You are a world traveler." "He says that to everyone." "Already make your money." "You don't have young-man ambition." "He's good." "You have three children." "Two." "That's a callous." "And you have divorce." "Very difficult." "You loved her very much." "You haven't healed that wound." "Now you are scared to open your heart." "You are afraid hurt will happen to you again." "Only way to heal is to trust." "This okay." "To have broken heart mean you have tried for something." "Is it going to be broken again?" "He a good man, Liz." "You need a good man." "Thank you." "True." "Ketut knows." "I am so sick of people telling me I need a man." "You don't need a man, Liz." "You need a champion." "Some spring break, huh?" "Come on." "You're moving like turtles." "His enthusiasm is exhausting." "Try being dropped off at school when you're 1 0 and having your father kiss you on the mouth." "He still does it." "I'm sure it's all normal in Brazil, but I didn't grow up in Brazil." "Friends would tease the crap out of me." "Why didn't you ask him to stop?" "No, I did at first, but then I realized how happy it made the old guy and I just gave in." "You know what?" "My grandmother hikes faster than you both but she's already dead." "Get him." "Go get him." "How about you carry the packs for a while, eh?" "Come here." "Look at this." "Is it nice?" "Baby." "Bringing up the rear." "So have you slept with her yet?" "What was that?" "Have you slept with her yet?" "Crossing the line." "Dad, it's been 1 0 years. lt's time." "Stay away from all the beautiful girls." "They are dangerous." "A week is too short." "Yeah." "A week is too short." "Yup." "Listen, I've made you a mixtape." "And I give you a present." "For you." "Thank you." "I'm missing you already." "Bye, Liz." "Be safe." "Same to you." "So don't I get a kiss?" "I don't know." "l love you, Dad." "l love you too." "So stupid, I know." "He's 1 9 years old and he's such a man." "It's sweet." "You're sweet." "Darling it's time." "Liz." "What?" "Liz." "Come here." "I have to tell you something." "No." "I should really, really be meditating." "Go, go." "Do it." "You know, I have not been to see Ketut in two weeks." "Really?" "Yes." "Okay." "Go, go." "Okay." "Oh, gosh." "But you are just so much cuter than Ketut." "No, I have to go." "I have to go." "Why?" "You have bladder infection." "Common after no sex, then too much sexy time." "We haven't even been apart for a minute in two weeks." "You're afraid now, right?" "I understand." "You don't want to lose yourself." "Love is scary, dangerous." "Happen to me." "I pray every day, but husband bad for me." "I have to get away from him." "This from where he hit me with motorcycle helmet." "And then my daughter she begged me to leave him." "Is that right, honey?" "I said, "I think you should get a divorce, Mommy."" "She was 4 years old when she said it." "Don't feel bad about Felipe." "Everybody needs affection, honey." "Make people do funny things." "Everyone gets like that at beginning of relationship." "Want too much happiness, too much pleasure until make yourself sick." "Even to Wayan, this happen at beginning of my love affair." "I lose myself, Liz." "Dear friends and loved ones:" "My birthday's coming up soon." "If I were home, I'd be planning a stupid, expensive birthday party and you'd all be buying me gifts and bottles of wine." "A cheaper, more lovely way to celebrate would be to make a donation to help a healer named Wayan Nuriyasih buy a house in Indonesia." "She's a single mother." "In Bali, after a divorce a woman gets nothing, not even her children." "To gain custody of her daughter, Tutti, Wayan had to sell everything even her bath mat, to pay for a lawyer." "For years, they've moved from place to place." "Each time, Wayan loses clientele and Tutti has to change schools." "This little group of people in Bali have become my family." "And we must take care of our families, wherever we find them." "Today I saw Tutti playing with a blue tile she'd found in the road near a hotel construction site." "She told me:" "Maybe if we have a house someday it can have a pretty blue floor like this." "When I was in Italy, I learned a word" "It's "tutti" with double T." "which in Italian means "everybody." So that's the lesson, isn't it?" "When you set out in the world to help yourself sometimes you end up helping Tutti." "Tell me again." "Eighteen thousand American dollars." "I brought you the e-mails to look at." "Oh, my God." "We get a house." "It can be the house for everybody!" "I can have a pharmacy!" "I can have a library!" "All right." "Oh, God." "Close them again." "Close your eyes." "Careful." "You don't wanna break a tooth or anything." "Don't worry, but close your eyes." "Where are you taking me?" "You will see." "You helped Wayan to get a house..." "l know." "...and we're going to celebrate." "Here, here, here." "All right." "Turn, turn, turn." "l know we're at the beach." "Here you go." "We're going to take a little boat trip." "Where?" "Where?" "To a little island nearby." "It's my favorite place in the world." "I've packed for two." "We can stay there until next Tuesday." "And I have the perfect camping spot." "Just you and I and 400 parrots." "Do you like it?" "I was going to save it for tonight, but I think this is the right moment." "I have to be in Bali because my business is here and you have to be in New York because that's where your life is, right?" "What if we tried to create a life that is divided between the two places?" "Why would you wanna do that?" "Because I'm in love with you." "Let's go." "Let's go." "Oh, no." "I...." "What?" "l can't. I'm sorry." "l just...." "You can't?" "l'm sorry." "I can't." "Can't what?" "I can't go on a trip right now, okay?" "I...." "I haven't been home in five days." "I haven't seen Ketut in weeks." "lt's just too much." "lt's not much." "To go by ourselves apart from everything else for a couple of days, is that much for you?" "Liz, não entendo." "What's the problem, Liz?" "I mean, I have the same fears, I have the same scars that you have and I show them to you." "But I guess the only difference between you and I is that you are afraid to love again." "My darling, this is it." "You have to look me in the eye and let me know the truth." "Please." "Do you love me or do you love me not?" "Look me in the eyes and tell me do you love me or don't you love me not?" "It's very easy." "I know you feel the same way." "Why can't you say it back?" "I don't know why." "Why can't I?" "Because you're terrified, my love." "But listen, it's fine." "Me too." "But I still want to get into that boat with you." "No." "Okay, look." "Look." "What?" "I don't know why you can't understand this." "I found something and I can't give it up." "And trust me, if I did, you wouldn't be so all in love with me." "Okay, the balance thing." "You traveled around the world to find your balance." "And the balance that you think you've found is what?" "Meditating for 20 minutes and going to see an old medicine man?" "Listen, balance, my darling, balance is not letting anybody love you..." "..." "less than you love yourself." "You know what?" "You know what?" "Do not tell me what lessons I have and haven't learned in the last year and don't tell me how balanced and wise you are and how I can't express myself." "And do not say "darling" to me again because I am just gonna lose it." "Listen to me!" "I do not need to love you to prove that I love myself." "Run away from me?" "You are running away from all the great possibilities of your own life." "I'm getting into that boat." "For you." "A goodbye gift." "Ketut." "Liss you healed me." "You healed me too, Ketut." "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have come back to Bali and I wouldn't have come back to myself." "You want coffee?" "Roast pig?" "Coffee." "I get you coffee." "You fly back to America soon?" "In two hours." "Have you ever been on an airplane, Ketut?" "Ketut cannot fly on aeroplane." "Ketut have no teeths." "You are good friend to me." "You are like daughter." "When I die you will come back to Bali?" "Come to my cremation?" "Balinese cremation ceremony is very fun." "You will like it." "Okay." "You still smile with your liver, like I tell you?" "Yes." "You still meditate like your guru in India teach you?" "Yes." "You happy now with God?" "Yes." "You love your new boyfriend?" "I ended it." "Don't understand." "Why you do that?" "I couldn't keep my balance." "Liss, listen to Ketut." "Sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living balanced life." "In the end I've come to believe in something I call "The Physics of the Quest."" "A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity." "The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this:" "If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments and set out on a truth-seeking journey either externally or internally and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher..." "...and if you are prepared, most of all to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself then the truth will not be withheld from you." "Felipe?" "I can't help but believe it, given my experience." "I decided on my word." "It means:" ""Let's cross over.""