" What you got there, boys?" " Books for our summer trip." "Mmm..." "Europe on a Student's Budget." "Backpacking Your Way Through Italy." "Nude Beaches on $5 a Day." "You know, where would you put the $5?" "There's a new book out on Europe you may have missed." "It's called Nobody's Going to Europe if Their Grades Don't Come Up." "I read that one." "I couldn't put it down." "So, ah... how's it end?" "It's not clear." "The main character's parents just got a note from his teacher, Mr. Feeny, that says he's not doing so well in European History." "But Dad, that's why I'm not doing well." "Because I don't have any hands-on European experience, you know?" "That's why we're going to Europe - to get our hands on something." "Eric, if I don't see a B average, you're gonna be touring the continent from behind your summer school desk." "OK, a B average." "See, that's not a problem." "So, what do I need for that - like, B's?" "I'd like to see some of those." "And also some of those little letters that look like teepees." " A's." " Ahh..." " Where's Cory?" " Didn't you hear?" "He's out sick." "He's real sick, he's got something bad." " How bad?" " Hey, today's film-strip day in Sex Ed and he's not here." "Oh, dear." "(bell ringing)" "All right, everybody, here's your test scores." "Oh, no..." "Oh, no..." "Oh..." "Your test scores are going to be delayed for a little while, until I can track down the lady on the bus with the screaming twins," " who now has my bag." " You took a bus?" "What happened to your motorcycle?" "Days couldn't start any better than this." "Some guy misjudges the width of the oh, I don't know, the whole street, and runs over my bike." "And then he decided what he really needed to do now is back up." "Oh, Mr. Turner, you love that bike." "You must be so upset." "Hey, out of respect, let's end this class right now and let the man have some time alone with his feelings." "Oh, no, no, no... sit down." "Sit down." "I need to be around people." " So you going to get it fixed?" " Oh, yeah." "On my enormous teacher's salary I can get the bike fixed." "And with the money I have left over..." "Ha!" "I can buy licorice." "Here's what I got for you - two words." "Uncle Mike's." "I'm gonna need more words." "Uncle Mike's Motorcycle Repair Shop." " Your Uncle Mike?" " Just thought I'd mention it." "You can think about it tomorrow on the bus." "I'll just be leaving a business card." ""Lucky Leo's Bail Bonds and Prosthetics." "One way or another, we get you on your feet."" " Sorry, wrong uncle." " Mm-hmm." "Thursday's examination will include everything up to the French Revolution." "Uh, excuse me." "Will we have to know who won?" "Yes, you will need to know who won and by how much." "(bell ringing)" "Eric, I don't think this is gonna work." "Come on, this is a great idea." "We just gotta catch him in a good mood, you know?" "This isn't an F, it's an F plus." "Your work is deplorable, your penmanship illegible." "But after all, your mother is my sister, so there we are." "I'll see you at Thanksgiving." "Come on, lets go." "Excuse me, Mr. Feeny, could we just talk to you for a second?" "If you must." "Jason and I were thinking, we're both C plus students..." " I'm aware." " We seem to be stuck on that C plus" " and we just can't get off it." " The word is "mired."" "Uh-huh." "All right, what about on the next test or two, if you give us, say, B's?" " You know what's gonna happen?" " Tell me." "For the first time, we're gonna know how exciting it is to get a B." "We'd be hooked!" "We would do anything we could to get another one of those B's." "We would be inspired to study and learn from that day forward." "Aha." "Then why don't we give elephants pants?" "Perhaps then they'd be inspired to buy coats." " Let's go." " Gentlemen..." "I have a radical idea of my own." "Let's say for the next test or two," " you both study very, very hard." " It's OK." "And your better grades will then be deserved." "But see, Mr. Feeny, if we don't get a B, we can't go to Europe." "Are you serious about raising your grades?" " (both) Yeah." " Because if you are," "I might recommend a senior teaching assistant." "You mean like a tutor?" "Aha." "Why did you say yes?" "!" " 'Cause I want to go to Europe!" " A tutor?" "You know what that is?" "It's a four-eyed, greasy-haired, zit-faced," " life support system for a book." " Hi, I'm Tory Hart." "If I knew anything, would I need a tutor?" "OK, Cory, I brought you the homework." "Earth science, algebra, English, shop." "You're supposed to make something." "I'm done." "It's a shelf." "So how soon are you going to be back in school?" "Well, with mono, you never know exactly." "You have mono, as in the kissing disease?" "I believe that's the one." "Cory Matthews, who have you kissed?" "I-I-I feel so light-headed." " Topanga, is that you?" " Cut that out!" "Must sleep." "Don't know for how long." " Auntie Em..." "Auntie Em..." " This is not over." "There's no place like home." "There's no place like home." "That was fun." "Tonight, I want you to read this." "And I want a cogent discussion from you on the excesses of the monarchy that led to the revolution." "You know, there's no reason why this relationship has to be purely business." " Is that out of your system now?" " Yes, Mistress Tory." "How did it go?" "Brr..." " Hello." " Hello." "All right, look, gonna be real up-front here." "This is not my best subject." "My attitude about history has always been, it's done, it's over, let's move on." "I've looked at some of your essays and I must say, you have an interesting style." " Thank you." " When you're writing about history, you never seemed to be too concerned with names, dates" " and what actually happened." " It's done, it's over, let's move on." "It's just beginning." "It's far from over." "So let's move on to some place more comfortable." "OK." "Hi there." " Uh..." "I'm looking for uncle Mike." " Why?" " I kind of want to get my bike fixed." " Why'd you come here?" " The sign says you fix bikes." " You wearing' a wire?" " No." " Mind if I pat you down?" "Not without dinner first." "Hey, Mr. Turner." "You two guys met already?" "Yeah, we're making dinner plans." "Look, this guy's my teacher." "You take good care of him, OK?" " Like family." " No!" "OK." "So, professor, let's see the patient." "Right out here." "Oofa!" "What do you think it'll cost?" "Mmm... haa..." " I'm thinking..." " Uncle Mike..." "In the neighborhood of $300." "Ahh..." "I could live in that neighborhood." "Listen, I mean, you understand... it doesn't mean I give the kid a break on grades or anything." "Like he needs it." "Shawnie's the scholar of the family." "I think you're telling me the truth." " OK, here's your first question." " Mm-hmm." "There's this girl and she's on a date with a guy she thinks is pretty cute." " Now, is this hypothetical?" " No, it's just hi." "Hi." "So she knows she likes the guy because he's adorable and obviously real nice." "So how does she make it more of a personal relationship without compromising the business side?" "This is about me, isn't it?" " See, you're very smart." " Look, Tory, if we get involved with each other, it's gonna cut into our work time." "If I'm ever gonna get to Europe, I have to do well on this test." "Well, let's see..." "I like you." "I happen to have the answers to the test." "And even though I like history, right now I'm thinking more about current affairs." "What are you saying?" "I'm saying, I have your ticket to Europe right here." " It was brutal." " Yeah, at least it was multiple choice." "Oh, come on, it was a Feeny test." "Each question gives you 11 choices." "What did you pick for that Crusades question?" " R." " R?" "Shoot, I went with V." "It's not like it really matters." "I left half the test blank." " Ooh... that could hurt you." " Yeah." "Should have just taken the answers when Tory offered them to me." "Gee, that was the end of a very good story." "Perhaps you'd like to tell me the rest." "I didn't take the answers because it would have been cheating." "Yeah..." "She wanted something from me in exchange." "What?" "Me." " Ohh..." " Yeah." " Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid..." " Ouch." "Gentlemen." "Out of some morbid curiosity, I was anxious to see how you did on your test." "Mr. Marsden, you received a B." "A B!" "A B!" "I got a B!" "Yes, Mr. Marsden." "And now that you've achieved it, I don't expect anything less." "You know, you take the joy out of everything." "Thanks." "Mr. Matthews, you earned an A minus." "I think you owe something of a debt of gratitude to Miss Hart." "Yeah..." "I owe her somethin'." "Hey, Tory!" "How do you get an A minus when you leave half the test blank?" "That was very helpful." "I didn't have to do much erasing." "I told you I didn't want to do it this way." "Which way?" "This way?" "I wanted to earn the grade myself." "To prove to myself I was smart." "Why, you've got so much else going for you?" "You're charming, you're funny." "You've got these kissable little dimples." "Hey, hey, hey...!" "You don't think I can earn a good grade by myself, do you?" "I think you can do whatever you set your cute little mind to." "I'm just like some object to you, huh?" "What... you think I'm a bimbo?" "I am not a bimbo." "Hey, how come you guys get a couch?" "I can't believe it." "It's like new." "I mean, it's like better than new." "Are you sure this is my bike?" "Check the serial number." "It's filed off." "I did that for you." "Whoa, wait, there seems to be a decimal problem with this bill here." " What are you saying?" " I'm saying $1,500?" "That's nutty!" "Maybe you'd like to take it up with our complaint department?" "Yeah, I would." "What?" "!" "Hey!" "Mr. Turner, didn't I tell you my Uncle Mike would do you right?" "Yeah, he's doing me right now." "Uncle Mike, I can't take my eyes off you for one second?" "That is a legitimate bill." "Labor... 1600 hours." "Boy, it sure seemed like it." "Uncle Mike, this guy's my teacher." "You hurt him, I hurt you." "Is that a threat?" "Yeah, it is." "My brother's son." "OK, professor, $300." "Suddenly I'm a man of my word." "Just wish your mother was alive to see this." "She is." "Oh, I should give her a call." "Midnight, my son is studying?" "He's actually sitting at a table reading a book." " Where's the girl?" " Yeah, there are no girls." "There never any girls." "You know, there are no babes in all of history." "You know what they do when they finally find one?" "They burn her at the stake." "Dopes." "Proud of you." "I gotta go." "I got a girl." "Hi, Eric." "How'd you know it was me?" "A guy who wants to go to Europe, night before the test..." "Lucky guess." "So, what's up?" "I'm sitting here studying and there's just way more material than I thought..." "I was hoping maybe you could help me focus on the areas I'm gonna need to know for the test?" " OK." " All right." "One, D. Two, L. Three is X..." "Uh, no." "Look, I don't want the answers, I just want you to help me study." "Eric, I've seen this test." "It's real tough." "You don't think I'm gonna do well?" "I think you're gonna need a little help." "What if I study all night?" "Eric, if you want to go to Europe, I really don't see any other way." "Just write them down." "You don't have to decide now." "OK?" "One is D. Two, L." "Three, X." "Four, M." "There he is, Mr. Europe." "How come you didn't tell us you were doing much better?" "I... didn't do much." "Mr. Feeny said your average came up a full grade." "Yeah, I guess it did." "So we thought a young man going to Europe could use one of these." " Ooh..." " I know we were tough on you, sweetheart, but we knew that if you tried, you could do it." " You showed us what you're made of, kid." " Yeah... what I'm made of." "This is really nice, but I don't deserve this." "I mean, I really don't deserve this." "What are you talking about?" "You worked your butt off." " You should feel good about yourself." " I do." "I do." "I feel good about myself and my schoolwork." "I feel so good about myself and my schoolwork," "I'm actually going to go back there... now." "Excuse me." "Hey, Mr. Feeny." "Something I can do for you, Mr. Matthews?" "Uh... yeah." "Uh..." "Actually wanted to talk to you about summer school." "What about it?" "Uh..." "You know the tests I've been taking where suddenly it looked like" "I was doing so much better and it was too good to be true?" "Was it?" "OK." "OK, I feel better." "Thanks." "Chair." "I cheated, Mr. Feeny." "I had the answers to the test written on my hand." "And you only managed an A minus?" "I sneezed off a couple of the answers." "All right, who gave you the answers?" "Oh, why would you have to know that?" "Because two people are involved in this, and if I punish two instead of one," "I get a bonus at the end of the week." "A guy in your class last year." "He sold me the answers." "Why did you do this, Mr. Matthews?" "I don't know." "I really wanted to go to Europe this summer and" "I guess I saw my whole trip slipping away." "That's superficial, Mr. Matthews." "Perhaps it's something a little deeper?" "There is no deeper with me, Mr. Feeny." "I'm not a good student!" "I'm just an average guy who can get by on a nice smile." "I'm never gonna get an A, never gonna make the honor roll." "That's who I am." "Might as well just accept it." "I have." "The only thing that limits you, Mr. Matthews, is your laziness." "You're just looking for an excuse to never get the grades" " that I know you're capable of getting." " I'm not capable." " And they're just grades." " Just grades?" "Oh, well..." "It's just Europe." "And they're just girls." "And it's just a beach." "Unless you happen to know, that on that beach, in June of 1944, 150 thousand troops landed and began the liberation of Europe, so that 50 years later, those girls could run around on that beach in freedom." "1944, that was Q. I put L." " Am I interrupting?" " Ah, Miss Hart, please come in." " In a way, this involves you." " It does?" "Yes." "Mr. Matthews just dropped by to confess" " that he has been cheating on his tests." " He has?" "Yes." "And since you've been tutoring him, I assumed..." "Did he say I gave him the answers?" "As a matter of fact, Mr. Matthews claimed that..." "I can't believe you, Eric." "I just tried to help you." "How could you do this to me?" "I didn't." "I think the question, Miss Hart, is how could you do this to him?" "I didn't think he could pass the test." "Oh, why not?" "You see no potential in him as a student?" "I just don't think he's the student type." "I see." "And are you the teacher type?" " Or the type that just writes people off?" " It doesn't mean that I didn't like you." "Well, you certainly don't respect him." "Well, this is what I get for selecting a pretty girl to be a teaching assistant." "Excuse me?" "Oh, you resent that, hm?" "Because growing up with a pretty face, you had to work twice as hard to be taken seriously?" "I should think you, more than most, would want to help this young man have his chance at being taken seriously." "Are you firing me, Mr. Feeny?" "Did you learn something today, Miss Hart?" "Yes, sir, I did." "Well, then, you can go." "So, how come you didn't fire her?" "I don't write people off, Mr. Matthews." "You're a good teacher, Mr. Feeny." "Yes, and you're smarter than you look." "I look forward to working with you in summer school." "Yeah, it'll be a good summer." "Uh-huh." "It's over, Cory." "Case is closed." " What?" " The great Cory Matthews mono mystery." " So you found out who the lucky girl was?" " Oh, yeah." "And the very lucky girl was a guy named Steve Nelson." " What?" " He sneezed on you." "Two weeks ago in Chemistry." "He's the only other person in school who just had mono." "Yes, that's right." "I remember now." "Steve Nelson sneezed on me... right about the time when I was making out with Jennifer Connors." " You were not." " Long, messy kisses." "Hours... days..." "I could describe her tonsils." " You're a pig." " You only say that 'cause you like me." " You think so, huh?" " Yeah, I do." " And you like me?" " Only if you tell me if you like me." "Why should I tell you that?" "Because if you tell me how you feel about me, then I'll tell you how I feel about you." "OK." "OK, I like you." "You know I like you." "Now, you like me or what?" "OK, the way I feel about you..." "Come closer." "The way I feel about you is..." "Is..." "Cory?" " Cory!" " (snoring)" "I hate you!" "Well, I think I handled that pretty well."