"Ãéá íá äåéò ôé êáëÞ êáñäéÜ Ý÷ù... èá óïõ äþóù êïõðüíé íá ðÜñåéò óôïìáôéêü äéÜëõìá, ãéáôß ç áíÜóá óïõ ìõñßæåé." "I'm gonna raise you a dollar in food stamps." "ÕðÜñ÷åé ìéá äïõëåéÜ óôï ðëõíôÞñéï áõôïêéíÞôùí Haley." "Äåí ðñüêåéôáé íá ôçí ðÜñåéò." "I'd like to call the hurry-up squad." "I've got a good hand." "What is this dog thing?" "Nobody wants..." "Ðïéïò ôï Ýâáëå áõôü ìÝóá;" "There's a lot." "I got two dogs." "Bring them down." "We'll barbecue them." "I'll do that." "You can eat them." "You're lucky it's not a cat." "Put some Alpo coupons in." "That's good food." "Pure horse meat." "Doesn't shrivel in the skillet." "You can spread it on bread." "Are we gonna play?" "What have you got?" "I got a straight." "I almost got a straight." " Let me see your straight." " A pair of sevens." "I got a pair of nines." "There are five, six puppies." " How you doing?" " Hi, baby." "Can I take something?" " Take this." " What can I get?" " You can get lost, Clifford." " I like that." "Get lost." " Jack." " How about a one-on-one, little man?" "It's all right with me, big man." "Feel the ball." "Bounce it." " Jack." " Let me have it." "Can't you play the game?" "Are you gonna do that every time?" "Jack, your army buddy came to my office today." "It was very embarrassing." "He's gonna auction off the house." " He's gonna auction off the house." " My parents gave it to me." "They gave you the mortgage." " You know it's mine." " We haven't paid in six months." "I haven't finished the book." "When I do, I'll get the money." " Would you stop about the book?" " Angela, you know I'm a writer." "Yes, darling." "You're a writer." "A very good writer." " I am a writer, right?" " He is." "Everybody, ain't I a writer?" "Stanley!" "Register at the desk if you want to take the class." "I want to see my friend before he goes to work." "Jack, get out of here." "Why are you upsetting Angela, telling her you're selling my house?" "You're not going to sell it, right?" "The house belongs to the bank unless you come up with a quick 10 grand." "I'm trying to stop them, but I can't help if you don't have a job." "So get a job and get out, Jack." "I have a job." "Writing a book is a job." "Writing a book is a cop-out, Jack." "Now get a job." "A paying job will convince them of your sincerity and your honest intentions." "Ticklish!" "Now why don't you get a job?" "And don't touch me." "No physical contact." "We'll lose our license." "Get out of here, will you?" "You're disrupting the cast." "Just get out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Get a job!" "Get a job!" "Get a job!" "Hey, brother." "Where you going?" " Where you going?" " Clifford, I'm here for a job." " What do you think we're in line for?" " The bus." "No." "The job." "I'll tell you what to do." "Just a moment." " All you waiting on the job?" " Yeah." "Get your bicycle." "Okay?" "There you go, to the end of the line." "If you can't find it, come back to the front again." "Watch the cars." "Oh, my God!" "He's gonna hit that man!" "Come on, Shorty." "Come on." "Watch yourself." "Come on." "There you go." "Good boy." "Hey!" "What, you crazy idiot!" "Yeah." "No." "Instruments?" "No." "Cleaning lady?" "Cleaning lady?" "Hey!" "Halt." "Hey, pops." "What do you need?" "Want to keep an eye on this for me?" " Hi, foxy lady." " Thank you very much." "A quarter." "I'll buy a car." " I have a job for you." "You mind?" " Not at all." "Hold those while I get in." "Bless your heart." "Good luck to you." "Thank you." " Not for you." " It's a free country." " That's Fancy Bates." " His daughter?" " Wife numero three." " You think she is ready?" " Ready for what?" " Black experience." "You ready?" "Take it easy, Fancy." "Miss Jackie Brown." "Is there no Miss Jackie Brown?" " That's me." " Miss Jackie Brown." " I got it." " Not you." "We need a part-time woman." "I can be a part-time woman." "I'm a part-time woman." "Jackie Brown." "Man, no jive." "This is..." "That's good." "That's very good." "You're what we call "overqualified."" "Mr. Brown, we're looking for a woman to do a little part-time cleaning and you're a journalist." "Go see the people in Mr. Bates' newspaper." "The Bugle." "They aren't hiring any blacks." "Is this a protest?" "You're not starting a sit-in, are you?" "I just want a job." "Here's your Phi Beta." "I'm sorry." "I can do anything a woman can do." "Almost." "No." "Answer's no." "No now." "No tomorrow." "No next week." "No next month." "No next year." "You know what I like about this outfit, Mr. Morehouse?" "Its open-mindedness." "I think you're trouble." "Mr. Bates doesn't want any trouble." "Thank you for coming." "My secretary will give you a parking validation." "I'm not trouble." "My girlfriend, she's trouble." "Is she foxy?" "What kind of trouble could she be?" "Oh, she's a legal staff for the local Klanwatch." "She's very litigious." "Litigious." " She sues people?" " Like in court." "Why don't you sit down?" "You don't want this job." "No." "I'll be truthful with you." "You'd have to come in two days, on Tuesdays and Fridays to serve a staff luncheon." "I waited tables in college." "Every weeknight you have to clean the window displays for three hours." " I'll take it." " Is it that bad out there?" "Worse." "How attached are you to that beard?" "I'm not gonna vacuum with my beard." "That's the '60s." "This is the '80s." "You see, we're part of Mr. Bates' family here." "And none of us have beards." "I will not be denied, Sidney." "She's busy." "Come back about 3 o'clock." "I'm looking for Miss Ruby D. Simpson." "That's me." "What do you want?" "I'm the new cleaning lady." "Lord, have mercy." "Morehouse done flipped his wig." "I'm the new cleaning lady." "Come on, honey." "Walk this way." "Move it." "He's gonna want to see all of this." "So you know your job." "You want to be ready, right?" "Chicken, Mr. Morehouse?" "Please get some pants on before Mr. Bates sees you, okay?" "Okay, pilgrim." "Good morning, U.S." " How are you, U. S?" " Pretty good." " Mr. U.S., phone." " No calls." "Time is money." " It's your son." " Excuse me." "Time is money." "Hello, Eric." "How was the flight?" "Good." "Good." "I'm glad you're here." "We're gonna have a wonderful week." "And anything you want." "Anything." "Absolutely." "Okay, son." "I'll see you." " That's my tomato salad." " I'm sorry." "No, my salad." "Mine had four eggs on it." "I can..." "I can go help fix this." "I can fix this." "Excuse me, Mr. Morehouse." "I'm sorry, U.S. Goes back to you." "No, these other people got to eat." "Me, U. S?" "He wants to talk to you." "Go on down there." "Cover your lip." "Mustache." "Cover your lip." "Sorry, Mr. Bates." "You're very strong for a little lady." "And you have a lot of hair on your lip." "We don't like our waitresses to have hairy lips." "You see, I noticed..." " Tell you what." "Shave." " Shave?" "And after you shave, you're fired." "Thank you, Mr. Bates." "No, I can do it." "I can do it, Mr. Bates." " What did he say?" " What a great man." "He says I'm sexy and he loves the chicken." "Know what I mean, soul brother?" "Power to the people." "Right on." "Here we are, young man." "Shall I wait?" "Give me a hand." "Somebody give me a hand." "Let's see, hand, football." "Do I have to stay?" "I'm an accountant." "Will he exceed his credit?" "We gotta win this one." "There's six seconds or we don't win the Super Bowl." "I didn't come this far to lose, okay?" "He's fired." "Did you fire him?" "I didn't fire him." "You're the ones..." "Go deep." "Swing left on blue, okay?" "On six." "On three." "On two." "Be ready." "Somebody get Matoussac." "Okay!" "36, 44, on blue!" "Go for it!" "I'm okay." "Blue, 26, 32." "It's always my toy department!" "Why can't he get into stereos?" " Or something we don't even sell." " We sell everything." "Don't know my own strength." ""Danger." "Do not touch."" "Wonder Wheel." "Looks like a job for me." "Wonder Wheel." "This is great." "Bounces." "Dance on it." "What's so dangerous about..." "It doesn't work." "That's why it's dangerous." "It works!" "Wonder Wheel!" "Stop!" "I admit it, it works!" "Okay." "Stop, Wonder Wheel!" "Nice Wonder Wheel!" "Stop!" "Stop the Wonder Wheel!" "Help!" "Wonder Wheel!" "I'm the Wonder Wheel champion of the world!" "Miracle Wonder Wheel!" "The best one!" "The best..." "Wonder Wheel, no." "Wonder Wheel..." "Come on." "Don't, you can't." "We've been through too much together." "Come on!" "Come on, Wonder Wheel." "Come on, you can do it." "I don't want to be a Wonder-Wheel murderer." "I want you to play with kids." "You haven't even been to the zoo." "You never even touched water." "Come on, Wonder Wheel." "Where's your heart?" " I know what I want." " He likes it." " Let's blow it up right away." " The black man." "He wants one in black, all right?" " The black man!" " He wants the black man." "No, Eric, no." "Not today." "Not now." "Not ever." " Yes." " He's not a toy." "He's trouble." "See the mustache?" "I asked him to shave." " I really don't care." " He's one of our cleaning people." " I want him." " He's not for sale." " Why not?" " Because he's a person." "Daddy said anything I wanted, anything in the store." " You can't buy a human, Eric." " Why not?" "Because..." "It's against the law, isn't it?" "Doesn't my daddy make the laws?" "I think he's got a point there." "Mr. Morehouse." "Now!" "It's your department." " Good choice." " You'll have a wonderful time." " Tim, Toys." " Jack, Windows." " Remember me?" " I'm fired, right?" "No, no." "Do you see that kid over there?" " He's the son of our..." " Boss." " He's bright." " I see the resemblance." " He'd like to take you home with him." " Why?" "It's just a joke." "What, is he sick?" "Nuts, right?" "What are we talking about?" "He's just used to getting his own way." " You guys are serious!" " No jive." " You want me to go with him?" " Lf you wouldn't mind." " I mind." " I don't want him to get angry here." "He can do a lot of damage." "I don't care." "I'm not going anywhere." "No, sir." "Not me." "No now." "No tomorrow." "No next week." "I'm not..." "No!" "As you say, you know?" "I think we have to butter your bread." "You can't..." "I can't be bought." "This got settled in the Civil War." "You can't have slaves." "We just want to rent you for a little while." " What is your hourly rate?" " I don't have..." "By the hour." "I don't have to stay long?" "You'll give a decent burial to Wonder Wheel?" " Yes." " That's my friend." "This is light." "Thank you." "It's a little light here." "Thank you." "A little light." "Very pleased to meet you." "This is Eric." "Eric, he has agreed." "His name is Jack Brown." "Jack, Master Bates." "Wrap him up." "Wrap who up?" "I don't get wrapped." "I can't be wrapped unless you have ribbon or something soft." "This is still light." "Elbows off the table." "Sit up, Eric." "Now, Eric, our stomachs digest our food a lot better if we eat some vegetables, some starch and some meat." "In that order." "Not all the vegetables at one time." " I hate liver." " I only understand German." "I hate German." "Well, Eric it certainly is a pleasure to have you." "Now, what do you want to do first?" "Six Flags?" "Delta Queen?" "New Orleans?" "You know, I have a new helicopter." "How's school?" "How's your math?" "How are the boys?" "Does Fancy have to come to Six Flags with us?" "Certainly not." "Do you want Barkley to take you?" "I want you to take me." "Eric, I've got a surprise for you." "Your present's arrived." "Not until you finish your meal!" "Now just a minute here!" "Boys will be boys, God bless him." " Finish your dinner." " Get me a hammer." " Not until you eat." " Get me a hammer." "If you don't come and finish your dinner you won't open that until tomorrow." "Are you crazy?" "What's going on in here?" "She won't help me open my present." "She won't give me a hammer." " What the hell is that?" " Help!" "You said I could have anything." "Help, please." "I need air." "Schatzie, get a hammer." " Can I have some air?" " Who are you?" "I'm the new part-time cleaning lady, sir, at the store." "What are you doing in there?" "Your son came along and asked them to wrap me up, which they did, in a box." "This box." "I hope you have a good explanation for this." "You said anything in the store." "Well, he was in the store." "I get to open it." "It's my present." "What?" "Hurry!" "Please hurry." "Didn't I tell you to shave?" " Sorry." " Sir." "Sorry, sir." " I mean, come here." " No way." "Wait a minute." "Let's not be too hasty." " I'll pay you on an hourly basis." " Sir." "All right, I'll pay you on an hourly basis, sir." "No." "What sort of a position are you looking for?" " Slave sound too crass?" " I'm serious." "I am too." "I'm a journalist." "I've been trying to get a job on your newspaper." "The only black people you hire do windows, mop floors..." "I don't like it." "I tried it." "Believe me, I have dignity." "Take those firecrackers and..." "Never mind." " That's not the way out." " Go get him, Daddy." " Wait." "What's your name?" " Jack Brown." "I only have the boy for one week a year." "Get better lawyers." "That's too long." " I love him." " Frankly, I don't give a damn." " He wants you to stay." " He wants to see if you can make me." "He's manipulative." "It's a power play." "You know, if you were a little less hysterical you'd suggest I pay you what I pay my reporters for a week." " $400." " For babysitting?" "Step in my office." "Isn't that a magnificent arrangement of dominoes?" "It's really something." " It took me over a month to set it up." " A month?" "Wow!" "It's rewarding." "Have a seat." "I'm a man who gets what he wants by patience." "Some people exercise their tibias or fibulas..." "I exercise my patience." "Patience." "No hole." "Just bite the end off." "And spit it in your hand." "Eric's not a bad boy." "High-spirited." "I like that." "I like him." " You'll like him." " I'm crazy about him." "He should understand that money means never being sorry." "That's about the only thing he does understand." "That's not an ashtray, you asshole." "That's an ashtray." "What you're offering me isn't a job." "It's an insult." "I'm insulted and I'm splitting." "All right, what do you need?" "I need?" " $10,000." " Ten..." "You're not a reporter." "You're a crook." "You didn't ask me what I'd settle for." " That's what I meant." " Let's start at 1000 and work up." "That's highway robbery." "I'd settle for $400 and a job on The Bugle." "There isn't any job on the paper." " 1500." " Deal." " 2000." " Now, wait a minute." "We had a deal." " Two-five." " Fine, but for that kind of money if Eric blows his nose, you wipe it." " 3000." " Two-five." " Two-seven." " Two-five is my top." " $3000." " I wonder if Eric knows what kind of bastard he's getting." "I may be a bastard, Mr. Bates, but I..." " I'll kill you!" " Two-five is fine." "Two-five is excellent." "Are you at the store?" "Well, where are you?" "At U.S. Bates' house?" "The U.S. Bates' house?" "Clifford, hold it down." " I'm working for U.S. Bates." " "I'm working for U.S. Bates."" "Not on the paper..." "A toy?" " I'm U.S. Bates' toy." "I'm not stoned." " Let's play." "Get off the phone!" "No, he's not playing with me." "I'm his son's toy, Eric." "He's got a son and he hired me..." "He's one of the nicest kids I've ever met." "He's really..." " Play with me!" " He's wonderful." " Ask me how much I'm making." " Get off the phone." " Get off the phone!" " Just ask me." " $2500 a week!" " Get off the phone!" " Say goodbye!" "Come on!" " He's a wonderful..." " He's just wonderful." " You're paid to play, not to talk." " Just a minute." "How old are you?" " Nine." "You want to live to be 10?" "Do you?" " Fancy." " Wait until I'm done, U.S." " I've got to talk to you." " But I'm busy." "What I have to tell you is important!" " What am I supposed to do?" " How do you turn off this machine?" "Oh, sugar." "I like it like that." " That was fun." " Please." "I have a headache." "I've got something to say." "Is it about the party?" "Everything's arranged beautifully." "It's about Eric." "Oh, God!" "Has it been a year already?" "I forgot it was his week." "What do I have to do with him?" "Take him to Six Flags?" "He..." "He bought a black man." " I wasn't aware that we sold them." " I wanted you to know so you wouldn't be frightened if you saw him." " There's a black man in this house?" " It's only for a week." " But why?" " To play with, he says." "To aggravate you and me, I say." "Heaven forbid!" "You just tell him no, you ass." "That's U.S., not "you ass."" "Well, I'm just gonna take a shower, U.S." "Look out!" "My bedroom's over here." "I am Swiss." "I know nothing!" "Oh, Eric!" " This is fun, Jack." " Fun?" "Look out!" "I didn't figure your weight in the turn." "Great ride, though." "Are you all right, Master Bates?" "Are you?" "Jesus Christ!" "Are you crazy?" "What are you doing?" "Stop making faces." "Leave him alone." "Here's a hat." "Now put it on." "Let's go!" "Give him a ticket." "Put it on." "I'm Eric Bates!" "Chop, chop!" "Give him a ticket!" "What's going on?" "What do you mean?" "Is everybody like this?" "Does this go on every day?" " You can't talk." " He's clean!" "Thank you." "That's more than the floor is." " Know what's on that floor?" " No." "Your dinner." "That was my dinner?" "That was my dinner, Shirley Temple." " I don't care." "Get in!" " You don't..." " Got a license to drive on the steps?" " I don't need one." "I'm Eric Bates." "You'll learn the hard way, laddie." " I'm U.S. Bates' son!" " You got a jail around here?" " A jail?" " Yes!" " On the left." " I'm Eric Bates!" "Put me down!" "In the slammer, mammer." "Jack!" "Let me out of here!" "Barkley, you're fired!" "Well-played." "Congratulations." " Could you fix me a cheeseburger?" " What's going on?" " I didn't hear anything." " What's going on?" "He was driving down the steps." "I don't want this job." "I'm gonna lose it anyways." "Dad!" "Dad!" "Calm down, calm down." "Calm down!" " What's going on?" " It's my fault." " My fault, sir." " No, my fault." "Yes, it's his fault." "No, now Jack..." "Daddy, we were just playing." " Right, Jack?" " Yeah, we were just playing a game." "Just playing, Daddy." "Come on, Jack." "Let's go play some more games." "Come on, Jack." " Clean this up." " Yes, thank you." " There's a party about to happen." " Thank you." " Why did you stick up for me?" " I want you to stay." " Why did you stick up for me?" " I want you to stay." "Why?" "Does it mean anything to you that I don't want to stay?" " Lf you're paid enough, you'll stay." " That's not the question." "Daddy's giving you a lot of money." "That has no significance here." "Understand?" "I am talking about, I have pets." "I have friends." "I got 16 plants, and my lady." " Your old lady won't mind." " My old lady?" "No." " My lady." " Put this on." "A costume?" "This is for a short person." " I need something that fits." " I bought some for Barkley." " Maybe they'd fit you." " Maybe." " Let's go play a game." " "Let's go play a game."" " Come on." " "Come on."" ""Got some for Barkley."" "Keep your hands up." "Protect yourself at all times." "Box the robot." "This is better than Disneyland." "You know that?" "Keep your hands up." "Protect yourself at all times." "Keep your hands up." "Protect yourself at all times." "Come on." "Get up." "Are you all right?" "Let's go play the game." " Foul!" "Foul!" "Foul!" " What game?" "The air hockey game." "Come on." "You ready?" "I'm gonna win, right?" " You're not gonna win." " Lf you win, you can go home with pay." " For the week?" " Sure." " $2500 for a couple of hours?" " Sure." "Why not?" " What's Money Bucks gonna think?" " I can deal with my daddy." "You can't deal with me." "I was very good." "I'm pretty good." "Let's say every goal I get, you have to stay another year." " For every goal?" "Okay." " That's one year!" " I wasn't ready." " So?" "I make the rules!" " That's one year." " You cheat!" " Two years." " I wasn't ready." "I'm the king of ghetto hockey." "You ain't gonna beat me." "Watch it, watch it, watch it!" "Tricker!" "One year." "That's one." " Come back." "The game's not over." " I'm not playing." "You're gonna quit because I was winning?" "You hate to lose?" "I don't feel like playing anymore." " What if I tell your dad?" " He doesn't care." "He doesn't care his son is a quitter?" "He doesn't care what I am, as long as I stay out of his way." " My little dove, it's bath time." " I'm busy." " Come on now." "The water's ready." " No!" "Hello, Mr. Brown." " Now!" "This minute!" " Not without my toy." "Good boy." "You want your submarine?" " No." "Jack." " Oh, no!" "I'll tell your father!" "Does everybody around here say that?" "I'm not gonna say it anymore." "Not you." "You can take a bath in my room and I'll wash you." " Meet you later." " My room is the second door..." " What are you doing?" " Wow, this is..." "Are you kidding me?" "I wanted a pool but Dad said it was dangerous." " It's great." "Look at all..." " Don't touch!" "It's Mr. Bates' collection and I'm in charge." "Now, Eric, you get in the tub." "And you, out!" "Eric, you're too big to bathe with another naked man!" "She's right." "You shouldn't bathe with a naked man." "I forbid you!" "Oh, God!" "Here we go!" " Oh, my God!" " Do my back." "Mr. Bates!" "It Came from the Tub, starring Eric Bates as "It."" "I like you." "No, you don't!" "Let me guess." "You're the new second-floor sprinkler system." "I'm Jack Brown." "I'm sorry I messed up your carpet." "I wouldn't think this would tickle a grown man." "Amazing." "What people will do for money." "Who do they think they are?" "I'll kill him." "I'll pull his head off." "I'll get him!" " Well, here they are now." " Hi, U.S. How are you?" "I'm fine." "How are you?" " Fancy, you look so good tonight." " Hi, sugar-pie!" "I'm glad to see you." "Look at those bracelets." "Where did you get them?" "These old things?" "The word I get is that they're going to indict you." "Oh." "State or federal?" "Federal." "Now where's that limey of yours with the bourbon?" "Barkley!" "Your bourbon, my lords." "Thank you, my lords." "A federal case?" "Maybe we ought to run a little party for the senator." "I always thought that they conducted their proms in an excellent manner." "It used to be my pleasure to buy the band uniforms." "And each year, we'd have a different color." "Do you know why they're having a party downstairs?" "Because it's goodbye for you guys." "It's called a "wrap party." This is all for you guys." "They're not selling you anymore." "They got a new toy to sell called the "Jack Brown."" "Me, the wind-up asshole." "Yes, that's me." "I'm taking over all of the stores next Christmas." "Kids will holler for me." "They won't want no teddy bears like you." "And they won't want no sad pandas." "And no camels." "No tigers, leopards, lions, rabbits." "And orangutans." "You understand?" "Kids will want a Jack Brown wind-up." ""Mommy, I want a Jack Brown wind-up." "Suzy's can play basketball." "Otto's can drive a Cadillac." "He's real cute too and I want to pinch his nose."" "That's what I've done to myself." "I sold out to Morehouse, you know?" "I'll end up in this room with all you toys for the rest of my life." "What the hell is that?" "Jesus!" "What the..." "Why..." "You think that's funny?" "What do you think of this?" "Goodbye!" "I want my clothes!" ""Goodbye!" "I want my clothes!"" "I want my clothes!" "I want my clothes!" " I'm not kidding!" " "I want my clothes!" "I'm not kidding!"" " I want my clothes." " Mr. Brown." "Now sit down for a minute." "They're in the dryer, and they're all wet." "Now tell me something." "Are you brown all over?" "You can talk dirty, if you like." "I'll jump on top of you." "How disgusting for him to force himself into my room." "Go to bed!" " Jack!" " What?" " Where you going?" " Home." " Why?" " Are you that dumb, kid?" " Jesus!" " Aren't we full of surprises?" "I'm looking for the laundry room." "Fräulein's got my clothes." "Yes, the laundry room." "Why don't you just follow me?" " See you, Eric." "Thanks very much." " You're welcome." "Excuse me." "May I have your attention?" "I just wanted you all to see what U.S. Bought his boy today." "It doesn't even need batteries." "Isn't that sweet?" "I hope it'll start a trend to solve the unemployment situation." "If y'all want one for your children, we're taking orders..." " We gotta talk." " U.S., can't you take a joke?" " I'm embarrassed!" " That wasn't remotely amusing." " Not remotely amusing." " You're marking my arm, sugar." "I thought three weeks with that shrink would do." "You gotta spend some quiet time at the hospital." "I'm sorry." "I was bragging." "You liked for me to brag on you." "Let loose of me." "You gonna deal with what happened?" "Your wife embarrassed me!" "So?" "You're getting paid." "It's your bedtime." "Put your toy away and go to sleep." " You, come with me." " You can't pay me enough money!" "You'll get yours." " Son of a..." " You can't leave!" " I can't?" " In your pajamas?" " Fräulein's got my clothes." " You won't get your money." "Money?" "You're not hearing me." "I was embarrassed and humiliated!" "You acted like money was important." " I was wrong!" " Was I bad?" "Were you bad?" "What you were gave a new meaning to the word "bad."" "Stop!" "Don't go out that door!" "There's parking people out front, and they'll laugh." "Go out the side door." "You sure?" "Listen to me, you're something else, man." "You never cease to amaze me." "Each time I think you're a rotten kid, you do something real nice." " Thanks, pal." "Take it easy." " So long." " Bye." " Bye-bye, Eric." "Eric!" "Open this door, you little shit!" " Should we do something?" " What else can go wrong?" "Probably a short-circuited wire or something." "Open the door, you bastard!" " He might be armed and dangerous!" " Negro!" " Grab him." "Probably on drugs." " Bet he got out of prison." " Hey!" "Watch my car!" " He's high on marijuana, I bet!" "It's only a fault in the electrical system, I'm sure." " Well, Rasputin, what's next?" " I want to go back to school." " Before the end of spring vacation?" " Tonight." " But this is my week." " I knew you wouldn't let me." "What's wrong?" "What happened?" "Are you disappointed that I didn't drown?" "It's always my fault." "Well, it wasn't." "It was Fancy's." "She didn't have to take him down and get him embarrassed." "Now he won't come back no matter how much you pay." "I don't want to stay because I don't have anyone to play with!" "Don't, Dad!" "I want him back!" "Don't!" "I want Jack back." "Please, Daddy." "Please get me Jack back." "Please!" "They've come for the pajamas." "Just a minute!" " Please, Mr. Brown!" " No." " The kid needs a shrink." " I agree with you." "I take a little something so I can sleep, and tonight I took two." "And he told me that I either do what he wants or I can look for another job." "Please, open this envelope." "Just look at it." "Come on." "No." "Please." "No." "This is my house." "Let me say something." "It doesn't matter the compensation." "The answer is no!" "Can I say something to you?" "I admire your moral fiber." "Ten thousand dollars!" "$10,000?" "For a week or the rest of my life?" " He only has the kid for a week." " $10,000?" "Jack, now we can buy the house!" "Come in." "We'll discuss moral fiber." "Yes, Mr. Morehouse." "Jack, we're gonna buy a house!" " Want to take a nap?" " Yes." "We were about to make love." "You can join in." "Welcome home!" "Mr. Brown, I'll make it pleasant." "I will scrub your back." " I will draw a bath for you." " Get it ready!" " I'll see you in 10 years." " 10 years?" "Who needs it then?" "Morning, Barkley!" "You're up early this morning." "Or didn't you go to bed last night?" "I went to bed." "Is this Jack's?" "Yes, this is his breakfast." "One, two, one, two..." "Thank you." "Come in." "Here's your breakfast." "How are you this morning?" "Fine, sir." "Good." "Wonderful." "Better than the dinner I gave you on the floor last night." "Oh, this is great." "Where would you like it?" "Near the window?" "Anybody seen the little monster this morning?" "Do you want me to find him?" "He's a pain in the derrière, I can tell you that." " Yes, well, bye-bye." " Bye-bye, sir." "What the...!" "I've had it!" "I've had it with you!" " This is it!" " Put me down!" "This is it!" " No!" "No!" " Put me down!" "What the hell is this?" "Let me go!" "Don't spank me, Jack." "Please don't!" "What's wrong?" "What's wrong?" "Why the hell did you pick me?" "You made me laugh." "I wanted a friend who made me laugh." "Of all the things in the store, you wanted a friend?" "If you want a friend, you don't buy a friend." "You earn a friend." "You know, with love and trust." "I mean, you don't throw firecrackers at them." "You don't dump stuff on their head." "You don't throw their food on the floor." "I've had enough of your routine." "You love a friend, you know?" "You earn a friend." "Come see my train." "Didn't you listen to me?" "You don't order your friends around." "If you have a friend, you ask them." "Sorry." "Would you like to come see my train, friend?" "I'm gonna kill you." "I love you, Jack." "We've got four more days." "What'll we do?" "Oh, I don't know." "Play?" " Let's do something interesting." " Watch this." "Hey, I know what." "We'll start a newspaper." "You can be a reporter." "Boring." "Come on, man." "Listen, I'll be the editor and you be the reporter." "I'll call you "Scoop."" "Yeah, and you can take pictures." "You got a Kodak you haven't taken out of the box." "Heaven forbid you might learn something useful." " Boring." " Boring?" "All this is not boring?" "All this garbage?" "Look around!" "You kidding me?" "I mean, all these people kissing your ass isn't boring?" "I have an idea." "You want to go fishing?" "For fish?" "We used to have all the hoi polloi from town in this stream." "Swimming, picnicking, leaving their beer cans all over the place." "So Daddy bought some piranhas." "The first week, a cow went in there." "All gone." "Somebody's cow got eaten." "I gotta pull my boots up real high." "Because the bullshit's getting thick." "Piranhas?" "I'm not kidding!" " Piranhas are South American." " I'm not going in there." "I'm going in there because you put a whoopee cushion under me." "There's nothing here." "No piranhas!" "I'm not kidding you!" "There are piranhas in there." "Come on." "Get out!" "Damn you!" "Do you see any piranhas?" "Come on, Jack." "Get..." "Come on!" "You don't believe me?" "You didn't believe me, right?" "I'll never doubt your word again." "They're murderers!" " Shut up!" " What?" " Hold the noise down." " Who the hell was that?" "Mr. Morehouse." "I came down to do a little fishing this afternoon because I had a difficult morning." " You had a difficult morning?" "I had to let Mr. Geffran head of accounting, go." "He was pushy, Eric." "He insisted on shaking hands with your father." " So what?" " He has very sweaty hands." "Very sweaty hands." "Your father said get rid of him." "He fired a man because he had sweaty hands?" "No, he made me do it." "Good man." "Father and husband." "Mortgage." "Mr. Morehouse, you gonna be all right?" "Yeah." "We gotta go." "Good luck, Mr. Morehouse." "You know, we could tell." "We could get even." "Who we gonna tell, God?" "What are you gonna say?" ""Hey, God!" "Life's unfair."" "You know what he's gonna say?" ""Tough titty."" "No, in our newspaper." "We're not doing a newspaper, remember?" "We could interview Fancy, Barkley and everybody." "They wouldn't talk to us." "They work for your dad." "You can make them talk." "Didn't you see All the President's Men?" "Reporters make people talk, if they're any good." "You told me you were good." "I believe you so we're gonna start a newspaper." "Let's shove off." "I want to be the editor." "I wanna call you "Scoop."" "Shut up before I let you go." "Don't let go." "You don't know anything about running a newspaper." "You got that, Scoop?" "Quit calling me "Scoop."" "Just because your dad owns one doesn't mean you can run one, does it?" "I hate typing." "I hate you calling me "Scoop." I want to be the editor." "You're doing it by yourself, champ." "I'm doing it myself!" "I'm doing it myself!" "I'm doing it myself!" "Jack..." "Jack..." "I'm gonna fall." "I got you." "I got you." "I got you!" "I got you!" "You give up?" "One, two, three, that's all!" "I was robbed!" "This guy is..." "You're nuts, but I love you." "Eric!" "Come on, Scoop." "Get up!" "Time to go to work." " Come on, I just..." " Come on, Scoop." "Hey, wait!" "Just a minute, my friend." "I'm gonna take your picture for the paper." "All right." "Say "cheese."" "Jack, I'm gonna get you for this!" "You're in for it." "Couldn't we get these in a 40-Iow?" "Come on, Jack." "I'll race you for a beer." "The last one in is a rotten egg." "Come on, Jack." "You gotta let me win this." "Come on." "Don't do that to me." "Let's go up there, man, and take a rest." "Careful." "It's hot." " Race you up to the top of the hill." " Okay." "First one up is a rotten egg." "If my father's rotten, does it mean I'll be rotten too?" "Probably." " What if I don't want to be?" " You can't do much about it." "You're hopelessly locked in." "You can't avert it." "If you're hopeless too, I don't mind." "What's Angela like?" "I thought we were talking about your father." "What's she like?" "She's like America." "She loves to fight." "A good fighter." "She loves to take on chemical companies." "Like that." "Stuff that pollutes the world." "And she loves the underdog." "And she loves to be filled with righteous indignation." "She's pretty wonderful." "Probably what your father would call a pinko." "Do you mate a lot?" "What?" "Animals mate." "Well, you know, go to bed..." "Make it." " It's none of your damn business." " What's it like?" "Doesn't anybody talk to you, like your father?" "What do you do with your thing?" "What do you do..." "Is this a hypothetical question or is there a lady involved?" "Somebody going to your school?" "There's only boys in my school, dummy." "What's her name?" " Megan." " Megan." "You like her?" "Yeah." "She goes to St. Mary's." "We have stupid parties with them all the time." "Know what to do next time you have a party?" "You go up to her, very gently." "Take her by the hand gently." "You kinda pull her to you and you jump on her bones." "Oh, come on, Jack!" " Are you serious?" "No kidding around?" " No." "Why don't you call her?" "Play bingo or something." "Buy her a puppy." "Get her some ice cream." "Play tiddlywinks." "Jack, you're asking for it again." "Show her how much money you have." "Tell her you're from the Bates Millionaire Club." "Why won't anybody tell me?" "I was just kidding, man." "Listen, you gotta be nice to her." "Tell her how you really feel." "Take a chance." "Stop being so tough." "They don't like that." "Women like it when you're sincere." "They respond too." "She'll look in your face, check out your eyes." "She'd really like you if you'd show her what you're made of." "Do you know what I mean?" "And don't worry about your thing." "Plenty of time for that." "Just show her some of your heart, what you're made of." "You're made of a lot, you know." "Yeah, but the guys at school say if you don't make it with a girl a week, you'll go nuts." "They're nuts." "Don't you know that?" "Don't you know that physical love is the easy part?" "The hard part is loving somebody with your heart." "That's the hard part." "Yeah, but..." "I love her with my heart." "Well, do you ever tell her, "I love you with all my heart"?" "No." "But I'm definitely gonna tell her that I love her with all my heart." "And then you're gonna jump her bones?" "You gonna jump her bones?" "Are you gonna jump her bones?" "Eric and I are gonna start a newspaper tomorrow." "I just love educational toys." "I'll show him how to do an interview and put it into newspaper form." "Use his camera." "He has a photocopier in his room." "It's a shame to waste that equipment." "Wonderful." "Splendid." "I was wondering if you'd tell us how you and your wife met." "And we'd sorta do a practice run on you." "You'll have to practice on someone else." " Daddy?" " It's just for your son, sir." "It's not like everybody doesn't know already." "Around here." "But the boy..." "Are you ashamed of me?" "It's just the sweetest story." "I love it." "It's exactly like Cinderella." "Off the record?" " You give me your word?" " Absolutely." "Off the record." "Go ahead, sugar." "Well, U.S. Was on his way home from Colorado, visiting Numero Two." "She's in a loony bin in Colorado Springs." "What I was doing in Colorado is irrelevant." "It's where I might be shortly." "I think it's real relevant." "You know, I don't believe you know how to tell a story." "She was a little-bitty thing." "Scrawny, scared wobbling on platform sandals." "She was the newest, the youngest and the worst waitress in the bar." "It was a little bar outside of Amarillo, Texas." "Right next to a motel." "I remember she was wearing some kind of rayon-like uniform." "It hardly covered her." "With some kind of metal things on the front." "Propellers." "Propellers?" "Is that what they were?" "You didn't know that?" "The place was called the Fly-By- Nite." "The motif was airplanes." "All this time you didn't know my metal things were propellers?" "You're the one who doesn't know how to tell a story." "U.S. Came through that door like the archangel Gabriel." "And he lifted me out of all that misery." "And he gave me new hair." "And then he gave me new boobs." "And a mink coat." "And a pink Continental." "And a charge card at Neiman's." "And I swear, if you don't believe in prayers and miracles all you gotta do is look at me." "I mean I am living proof." "What did your boobs look like before?" "Don't touch that table." "Now get the camera ready." "Stand over here." "And don't forget to focus." "Okay?" "Sit in Daddy's chair." "Why?" "I don't want to be in the picture." "What did you turn the light on for?" "Hit the button on the left of the drawer." "I'm waiting." "Spoilsport." "Your father is very strange." "Now take the picture." "Okay, duck." "Now turn out the light." "Let's get out of here." "I can't take you anywhere!" "Be careful of the table." "Let's get out." " Why did you stop?" " My dominoes just went down." "He says, "You're responsible for the lunchroom." You know him." "I said, "Sure, yes." "What'd you think?" "You know that."" "And he said, "You let that black man serve."" "I said, "Mr. Bates, Mr. Morehouse hired him." "I didn't hire him."" "Two more months, my pension would've taken care of my kids." "Can I take your photo?" "Why, sure!" "Let me get fixed." "I was employed..." "What was I talking about?" "When you were in England, sir." "I'm so sorry." "Thank you very much." " I was employed by an English lord." " Lord who, sir?" "A fellow called Lord Cavendish." "He met this fellow Bates." "Met him in a theater queue or somewhere." "I don't know." "It turned out they were both gamblers." "So they arranged to play a game of billiards." "Billiards." "Take a pole, hit the balls into pockets." "At any rate my friend, my lord, my boss had a bit of luck and he won a herd of cattle." "Herefords or something." "About 700 of them." "And Bates sent them over on a 747, first class." "And that was 1978." "Good heavens, time goes quickly." "Well, '79, it must have been." "Well, Bates came over again and he won me." "Maybe Lord Cavendish should get better at pool." "God bless." "God bless you." "Here's to Cavendish." "May his pool game improve." " What'll we call it?" " Paste this down there." " Don't move that over here." " Why not?" "It doesn't balance out." "You put it across the top." "Big headline." "That's a good idea." "You know, the morning crew comes in at 8." "What morning crew?" " At the Bugle." " So what?" "Well, we need a press." "It's the only press in town, isn't it?" "You wanna use your father's press to print our newspaper?" "Yeah, it'll irk him." "I think." "Got it, I got it." "Were you ever a thief?" "Well, were you?" "Don't you know it's part of the black cultural imperative?" "Come on." "Grab this." "I've got the key." "You've got the key?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "You didn't ask." "I didn't ask, huh?" " Evening." " Evening." "Have a nice evening." "We really could put out a paper every week." "Not just about Daddy, but everything else that's wrong." "Best of all, I wouldn't have to go back to that school." "Don't worry about that now." "The next phase is the press." " No, gotta make a plate." " Is there anything you don't know?" "Police department?" "The Toy." "Oh, man." "All right!" " That's it!" " That is great!" " That's it!" " That's it!" " Police!" "Hands up!" " Let's get out of here!" "Freeze!" "Put your hands up!" "You can't arrest me." "My name is..." "Take them in and book them." "What is he saying?" "And one of his gang came up and stuck a gun in my ribs." "That dirty sucker!" "Pointing at me." "What's he telling them?" " I've got some friends." " Wait!" "Wait a minute." "Those aren't my friends." "Is there a problem?" " Yes, there is." " You're in big trouble." "Can you give me $10 for a cab?" "All I need is 10." "Just $10." "Here you go." "Read this paper." "Sir?" "Sir?" "Did you read that paper?" "Get your paper!" "Read all about it!" "Here you go." "Read about how U.S. Bates found his wife one day..." "Holy shit!" "Get your paper!" "Paper." "Free paper." "What do you think, Mr. O'Brien?" "Forget you know me." "Jack, I gave out my last one." "Me too." "Let's go fishing." "Oh, man, am I tired!" "Thank God this is over." "Mr. Bates, sir..." " Morning." " Good morning." "Take a look at the newspaper distributed by Eric and Mr. Brown." " Eric is responsible for this?" " And Jack Brown, sir." "I want them both here in my office, now." "Attention, Jack Brown and Master Bates." "Report immediately to the office." "Repeat, immediately." " Yes, you two." " Okay." "Would you have me stay or go?" "Come in." "Take a seat." "Eric, how many of those papers did you hand out?" "About a thousand." "I want each paper accounted for." "And then I want them shredded." "Let Carter do it." "I want you back here." "We'll make even more tomorrow and sell them..." " That's one trick you won't manage." " You wanna bet?" "I assume, Brown, you know the penalties for libel?" " Everyone knows it's true." " They're lies if I say so." " But it's the truth." " The truth?" "Truth has nothing to do with reality." "You have to deal with reality." "In reality, any one of these people, with a little persuasion will say what I want them to say because I am reality." "Take your pants down." "I said, take your pants down." "Right here." "Right now." " I have to?" " Well, if you value your job." "That's reality." "Get dressed." "Mr. Brown, maybe I could use your talents on The Bugle." " Cleaning lady get fired?" " Start Monday, in the newsroom." "A press card, salary, everything." "Your hand?" "It's that bad out there?" "Worse." "I got a job." "I guess I can be happy about that." "Why are you so happy about it?" "My father will tell you to drop your pants, and you're gonna do it." "He treats people like nothing." "Didn't you read our paper?" "I can see the headline:" ""Jack Brown Sold Out Today to U.S. Bates, as Expected."" "You want me to starve to death?" "I can't feed myself on high ideas and principles." "I thought you were world-class." "Your head's in this American dream, but it doesn't work for me." "Truth, justice and the American way do not work for me, okay?" "I gotta play in the grownup world." " You could've come to Houston with me." " As your toy?" "No, as my friend." "Damn, man." "I am your friend, Eric." " It's the senator!" " Senator Newcomb." "Congratulations!" "Senator Newcomb." " Who's that?" " Angela." "Jesus H. Christ!" "That her full name?" "Greetings, senator!" "Oh, U.S., it's good to see you." " You remember Terry Gay?" "My secretary." " I sure do!" " You look good enough to eat." " Say, what is all this?" "I think it's the orchestra." "Come in." "Party's in the back." "Senator, darling." "My wife." "We're not getting back in the bus." "Now, we can legally protest." "We are..." "You're Mr. Brown's..." "He's raising money for the KKK fund." "The auction is tomorrow!" " Let's talk." " What are you doing here?" "What's going on?" "Where you going?" "What are you doing?" "Somebody could get hurt." " I'm trying to help." " You're not." " They're raising money for the KKK." " Lf you ever loved me, trust me." " I'll take care of it." "This is Eric." " Nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you." "You better be right." "You'd better be right." "Let's get back in the van." "Nobody throws a garden party like U.S. Bates." "I appreciate you throwing this party for us." "Old Democrats don't usually support young Liberals." "Senator, we agreed to keep this under our hats, remember?" "If they knew it was a fundraiser, we'd be alone." " We wouldn't want that, would we?" " Pardon me." "You remember my pal and fellow Klan member, Clancy." "Hi, how are you?" "Good to see you." "The Klan really thanks you." "Democrats don't normally support us in the open." "We agreed to keep that under our hat, remember?" "If they knew this was a fundraiser, we'd be all alone." "Come on over and meet the senator." "Meet my friend Clarence." "This is the senator." "Photographer!" "Take a little picture." "And make it good." "Hang on to your seat!" "Hi, Dad!" "What are you doing here, you asshole?" "The question is, what the hell you doing here?" "You're fired!" "You know who you're taking a photo with?" "No." "Who?" "The Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan." "That'll surprise a lot of your voters." "Mr. Bates'll get a lot of mileage out of that photo." " You're fired." " Are the FCC, IRS, or FBI after you?" "He doesn't know what he's saying." "Music!" "Everybody dance." " Let's get him!" " Holy shit!" " Go for the tents!" " I'll get the other side!" "Get the tents!" "Duck, you suckers!" " Senator..." " Later, Bates." "Fair-weather friend, the bastard." "I told you to dance!" "Yes, sir!" "Don't jump her." "Just dance!" " Let's get them again!" " Let's go back for another try." " Here they come again!" " Do your thing, Jack!" "All right, war has been declared!" "You show them, Jack!" "Angela, this is for you!" "What's the matter?" "I'm in the back." " Hang on, wizard!" "Let's go to Oz." " Let me off!" "You want to get off here?" "Way to go, Jack!" "All right!" "You look like an Eskimo Pie." "No, I've got it." "Al Jolson." " Jack, look out!" " I'll give you an Eskimo Pie!" "What's wrong?" "Are you okay?" "Fräulein, this is for you!" "I've had enough of this." " Put that pie down!" " I didn't throw the first pie." "Klansman, let's go." "Why, you nitwit!" "Let's get out of here!" " Move it!" " I'll get you!" " You trying to kill the kid?" " No!" "I'm trying to kill you." "Come on, Jack." "Hurry up." "I'll get you!" "There's no way to get away!" " Can't you go faster?" " I'm hurrying." " Look out!" " You can't get away!" "Look out!" "Holy cow!" "It works!" "Daddy!" "He's in trouble!" "But I can't swim!" "You dirty son of a bitch!" "What?" "I can't hear you, Mr. Bates." "Come on." "Get out!" "Daddy, are you okay?" "Thank you, Jack." "Thank you." "Mr. Bates, please don't shoot me!" "Come in." "You saved my life." "So I guess I owe you one." "After what I did to your party, I think we're even, okay?" "You know, that kid loves you." "He never loved me." "Sorry to hear that." "Try talking to him." "Yeah, I talk to him." "But he won't talk to me." "Your son loves you." "You gotta hug him." "You mean, physically?" "Have you ever let your son sit on your lap and put your arms around him and talk to him?" "Pretend I'm Eric, and I'm home for a week." ""Dad, I haven't seen you in a while!" "I wanna sit on your lap!"" " Are you crazy?" " Yes, but trust me." ""Come on, Dad, let's sit down!" "Come on!"" ""Pops, how you doing?" "Boy, I had a great time all year."" "I'll sit in your lap." ""How you doing?" Hug me." "Come on." " Hug me and say, "I love you."" " I love you." " Say it louder." " I love you!" "You kinky little devil, you!" "I want you to understand something." "Whenever I drill an oil well, buy a cable system open a store, it's for you." "When you grow up, you'll control South Central Louisiana." "And that's some trick." "Jack says life's about people, not about your power." "He has no power." "Of course it's people for him." "He has nothing else." "He says friends are most important." "I'm trying to talk to you." "He says you don't have any friends and that you know two kinds of people:" " Ones that owe you and ones you owe." " I've heard enough about Jack." "That's it!" "Eric, I'm trying." "Give me a chance." "How about you and me going to Europe together?" "There's no reason for you to go back to camp." "We'll go to London, Paris, Rome." "It might have been a nice trip." "Good to see you." "How are things going?" "The storm is moving southwest so there's really no problem..." "Mr. Bates!" "Eric!" "Jesus!" "Come on, follow that kid!" " Put it on my dad's bill." " Okay, kid." "No." "Running away, what is that?" " I wanna stay with you." " No!" "I don't like this mean game you're playing with your dad." "He's reaching out to you." "He's making an effort." "You're not." "You're a better person than that." "Give the man a break." "Please." "Come here, man." " I love you, Jack." " I love you too, Eric." "But I want you to do what's right." "You, your father and me gotta be the strangest people on earth." "Do you know that?" "I want you to do what's right." "If you love him and if you need him, you gotta tell him so." "If ever two people needed each other, it's you two." "You know he's right." "I do need you." "And I love you." "I love you, Daddy." "I really love you." "I really love you." "Get in the car, son." " You know that job I offered you?" " On the newspaper?" "It's for real." " You won't be sorry, U.S. - "You ass." You're allowed." "Next year, he'll have two weeks." "One week with me, one week with you." "All right!" " Take it easy." " See you later!" "To the airport, Mr. Bates?" " You're okay, "us."" " I'm okay, me too." "All right, I'll see you next year." "Hey, Jack." "You got some rich friends." "That's all right, Roberts." "Oh, Mr. Brown!" " You want to talk to me?" " I don't know if you remember me." "I'm Honey Russell, the D.A.'s wife." "We met at the Bates' party." "I want to talk to you a bit." "Fancy and I were talking the other day about the wonderful job you've done with U.S.'s son." "Is it possible for you to come and spend a few weeks with us and sort of help us with our son, Eugene?" "Up yours, you mother!" "I'm sorry, Mr. Brown!" "Gosh!" "He'll never do that again." "Please!" "Mr. Brown, please!"