" Aww, yeah." "It's "Acting Out."" " I see you!" " It's where stand-up comedy comes to life." " All right, boys!" "Show us what you got!" " We're acting out all the jokes..." " Once you go Persian, there's no other version." " Like you've never seen before." " Oh, God!" "[yells]" " That's right." " [yelling]" " We're "Acting Out."" "[cheers and applause]" "Yeah!" "What's going on, y'all?" "[cheers and applause]" "I am your host, Lil Rel Howery." "Welcome to "Acting Out,"" "the show where we combine stand-up comedy and sketch by taking dope stand-up comedians and making their material come to life in hilarious sketches." "[cheers and applause] You know how people argue about what's better, a book or a movie?" "Well, here you get both." "Even though we all know a movie is always better, you know?" "Yeah, the people who think, you know, books are better, they only say that because they keep reading." "They the only ones that read it, so they read it, say," ""Oh, the book's better 'cause we read it."" "No, it's not better, okay?" "Movies are better, okay?" "Do the book got $100 million worth of explosives?" "No." "But look, is y'all ready to get this show started?" "Make some noise if you're ready to get the show started." "[cheers and applause]" "All right, let's do it!" "[cheers and applause] [laughs] Look, this dude is my boy." "He's been on MTV's "Wild 'N Out" and he's known as the self-proclaimed Justin Bieber of comedy." "But hopefully that doesn't mean he also says the N-word." "Give it up for Matt Rife." "[cheers and applause] [electronic music]" " All right." "Um..." "I'm not gay." "I just look like this." "Like, I didn't know until I moved here..." "Somebody was like, "You look like Miley Cyrus and Bieber had a baby."" "I was like, "I look like a handsome lesbian?" "That's what I'm working with right now?"" "Like, one more person calls me Ruby Rose, I'm gonna lose it." "I don't tend to ask girls my own age on dates really 'cause I feel like girls my age are always into stupid stuff, like..." "like Zodiac signs." "Oh, you're a Virgo?" "That's not a real thing in the world." "I hate, like, all the signs." "It's so vague." "Like, oh, Virgos usually have two arms, two eyes, and two legs." "Get the [bleep] out of here." "That's so me." "Like, yeah, that's everybody." "That's most people." "I feel like in 2016, like, Jesus himself could come back and be like..." ""Hey, girl."" "I feel like he'd be cool like that." "I don't know." "[laughter] [cheers and applause]" "Hey, girl." "[laughter]" "I'm Jesus Christ." "And chicks today would be like, "Yeah, we know." ""Your birthday's December 25th." "You're a Capricorn." "My ex is a Capricorn." "Won't make that mistake again."" "[laughter]" "Do you know who my dad is?" "Like, you're not gonna go with Jesus?" "[laughter] [cheers and applause]" "Like, chicks are just gonna start, like, holding in their babies longer so they're not born in certain months." "[laughter]" "Like, nah, my baby will not be a Leo." "Your water just broke." "You know who else is broke?" "His daddy, who is also a Leo." "[laughter] [baby crying] [laughter]" "All right, you guys." "My name's Matt Rife." "Thank you so much." " [laughs] Hey, Matt." "You know, the Zodiac signs thing is..." "that's a real thing with females." "I think a lot of times y'all miss out on a good man because of his sign." "How many times has that happened to you?" " Uh, what's every girl I've ever talked to?" "[laughter]" " Give it up for Matt Rife, everybody." "[cheers and applause]" "Now, she's actually one of my favorite people that makes me laugh on and offstage." "I need y'all to give it up for my homegirl Chloe Hilliard, y'all." "Make some noise for Chloe, y'all." "[cheers and applause]" "♪ ♪" " Yes!" "I love watching the Trump rallies because for the first time in my black life," "I get to see white people be embarrassed by other white people." "[laughter]" "Yes!" "[cheers and applause]" "It's a level of embarrassment that black people know." "Like, we get embarrassed every time we watch the news and see that they picked the worst eyewitness." "[laughter] [cheers and applause]" "Like, they show up at the scene of the crime." "Looks around like, "Who can give me the most" ""articulate depiction?" ""Okay, you got all your teeth." "No." ""You, sir, over there, with the garbage bag full of cans." "You want to be on the news tonight?"" "[laughter]" "And he always looks the same." "It's, like, a man bald on the top with cornrows on his side." "[laughter]" "No teeth in the front." "She's like, "Sir, would you like to tell us what happened with the fire?"" ""No, youse lady bitch, it was crazy!" "Oh!"" "[laughter] [cheers and applause]" ""Hey, I saw the fire." "The building was cracking." "It was like, 'Zoop, zap, zip.' I was like, 'Oh, my God!" "'"" "[laughter]" ""I don't even live in a building." ""I live in the sewer." "But I got out first."" ""How'd you get out first?" "Oh, I started the fire." "I was drying my socks."" "[laughter]" ""You know, there's a leprechaun in that tree up there." "There's a leprechaun."" "[ laughter ]" "Thank you, guys." "My name's Chloe." " Give it up for Chloe Hilliard, y'all." "[cheers and applause]" "Now don't do anything stupid like changing the channel." "We'll be right back, y'all." ""Acting Out."" "[cheers and applause] [upbeat music]" " I was raised by my mom and my sister 'cause my dad left when I was eight." "I'm not mad that he left 'cause that's just the Latino thing to do." "When your kid is old enough to remember you, you walk out." "[laughter]" "But I'm mad because all I had was my mom and my sister for reference, so any girly shit they did," "I copied thinking everybody did it." "For example, I thought everybody wore towels from the chest down." "Like, I thought that's something people did, but apparently you don't do that." "You don't wear a lavender-colored head wrap that smell like citrus." "My cousin from the Army, he came over and he saw me." "Like, he knocked on the door and I did the," ""I'll be there in a minute," like, over the chest move." "Like, that was, like, a..." "And I opened the door for him and he was like, "Yo." ""What is this, man?" "What are you doing?" ""Listen, listen, men wear their towels from the waist..." "I can see your balls right now." "What's wrong with you?"" "[laughter]" " Welcome back." "Welcome back." "I'm your host, Lil Rel Howery, and this is "Acting Out" on MTV, the show where sketch comedy and stand-up come together as one." "Now, are you ready to see your next comedian?" "[cheers and applause]" "This dude moved from the Philippines to the U.S." "at the age of one." "And at that time, like most babies, he was a terrible comedian, but he's all grown up now." "Make some noise for JR De Guzman, y'all." "Make some noise for him." "[cheers and applause]" " Yeah." "[cheers and applause]" "Thank you very much." "Yeah." "I'm working right now on a safe sex advice column for Christian teenagers." "[low laughter] Yeah." "Yeah, it's called "Just the Tips."" "[laughter]" "It comes with a free workout video." "It's called "60-Second Abstinence."" "Check it out." "That's cool for all my Christians." "And this song is kind of about, like, practicing safe sex, and this is a story about what happened at my prom." "I was trying to get with this girl, and this guy kind of swoops in and that's the story of my prom." "[acoustic guitar music]" "♪ ♪" "♪ The day was June 5th ♪" "♪ I took her to the prom ♪" "♪ It was so special, we had dinner with my mom ♪" "♪ I wore a tux ♪" "♪ She wore a dress ♪" "♪ We broke the ice with some compliments like ♪" "♪ I like your gown ♪" "♪ She liked my vest ♪" "♪ I really liked her eyes ♪" "♪ How they compliment her breasts, yeah ♪ [laughter]" "See, she was wearing a flowery dress, and it looked like a titty garden, you know?" "[laughter]" " Hey." " ♪ We made it to the dance floor ♪" "♪ She held my hand ♪" "♪ Finally this boy becomes a man ♪" "♪ 'Cause she was standing up ♪" "♪ Then she heard T-Pain ♪" "♪ Then she bent over like she was looking for some change ♪" "♪ But she actually couldn't find it ♪" "♪ As I scooted up behind her ♪" "♪ And like a windshield wiper ♪" "♪ Rubbed my wiener on her butt cheeks ♪ [laughter]" "That doesn't rhyme." "Uh, but that's just how people dance these days." "[laughter]" "I got to fix that verse." "♪ ♪" "All right, this is the most important chapter of the story." "We went... ♪ Back to the hotel ♪" "♪ It's time to go to bed ♪" "♪ Then she got a booty call, talked to that guy instead ♪" "♪ I was so mad ♪" "♪ What's a boy to do ♪" "♪ To keep his senior balls from turning blue?" "♪" "♪ The dude comes over and shakes my hand ♪" "♪ I punched him in the face with my words like a man ♪" "I was like, "Look, man, you can talk to my date all you want," ""you know, but I'm gonna play it cool." "She's gonna know who the bigger man is," right, you guys?" "Yeah." "♪ Well, they started having sex ♪" "♪ In the room I paid for ♪" "♪ The positive:" "I slept on such a great floor ♪" "♪ Uh ♪" "It's probably better for your back anyways, you know what I'm saying?" "[laughter]" "♪ ♪" "♪ Well, good for that guy ♪" "♪ Sounds like he had fun ♪" "♪ Well, guess what ♪" "♪ Now that mofo has a son ♪ [laughter] [baby crying] [cheers and applause]" "♪ So baby in the end ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ And I'm the one that won ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ Moral of the story ♪" "♪ Use a condom ♪ [laughter]" "JR De Guzman." "[cheers and applause]" " One more time, y'all." "JR!" "[cheers and applause]" "Okay, our next comic is ready to take the stage." "He's from Texas, and everything is bigger, including his jokes." "Give it up for Justin Martindale, yo." "[cheers and applause] [upbeat music]" " All right." "[cheers and applause]" "Yes!" "Guys, you've got a secret society, if you will." "You've got UFC." "You've got MMA." "Ladies have their own secret society." "It's called brunch." "[laughter]" "You know what I'm talking about." "Ladies like to brunch, and they brunch hard." "I actually want to create a show called "Brunch Wars."" "[laughter] [cheers and applause]" "Ten women go in, and just one comes out alive." "It'll be like "The Hunger Games," you know?" "We get Effie Trinket to host it." "[laughter]" "Good luck, ladies!" "And may the brunch be ever in your favor." "[laughter] [whistles] [applause]" "They call each other up in the morning." ""Stacey, come on."" "[speaking gibberish]" "I don't even know what language women talk anymore." "It's just, like, a baby goat [bleep] a ferret." "I don't know." "It's just weird just, like, exchange of... [babbling] [laughter]" "I'll be there in five." "They hear that magical brunch conch shell to call the rest of the tribe." "Just... [mimicking horn call] [applause]" "All these basic bitches coming out of the woodwork on Facebook just like... [laughter]" "Methinks the brunch conch shell has been blown!" "Get the [bleep] back, Beth." "You're not coming to brunch." "[laughter]" "They get there." "They're so excited." "So excited." "The waiter comes over and he's like," ""Would you like to start off with something to drink, ladies?" "Maybe some mimosas."" "[all inhale sharply]" "Like, the pupils dilate." "[laughter and cheers]" "The fangs come out." "The virus has set in." "[laughter]" "Would you like to make those mimosas bottomless?" "[inhaling sharply] [cheers and applause]" "♪ ♪" "You ladies just start guzzling." "Just... guzzling!" "Just throw it back like you're in Panama City spring break, like you might have sex with Pauly Shore." "Who knows?" "The day's young." "[laughter]" "Cut to 14 hours later when you ladies are barefoot in an Exxon parking lot with your little Easter Sunday dresses just hiked up to here." "Just popping a squat." "Just ♪PoppingASquat." "Just peeing." "There's children running around." "You're just peeing." "You don't care 'cause you are independent." "You're saying things like," ""Why did Frank block me on Facebook?"" ""Dana, you're pissing in the street."" "[in deep voice] "There is no Dana!" "Only Zuul!"" "[laughter] [cheers and applause]" "Thank you, guys." "I'm Justin Martindale." "You guys are awesome." "Thank you so much." " Let's hear it for Justin, y'all." "Great job, man." "[cheers and applause]" "♪ ♪" " Welcome back." "Welcome back." "I'm your host, Lil Rel Howery, and this is "Acting Out,"" "where we act out stand-up comedy and turn it to bad-ass sketches." "Right now it's time to bring out the next comic." "On "Wild 'N Out," she humiliated Nick Cannon so bad, she earned the name the Mariah Carey of comedy, and tonight she's gonna do her thing for you." "Give it up for Miss Becky Robinson." "[cheers and applause] [upbeat music]" " How's everybody doing?" "[cheers and applause]" "I drink too much, and it's a problem, you know, 'cause that, like, "yes man" of the friend group." "And everybody's got one." "No, but it's bad though because when you're the yes man, it's very dangerous especially in a city like L.A., you know, 'cause you can wind up in a lot of shady situations." "Like when I was at this bar and I just remember lurking, kind of last call, just trying to find any last scrap that I could, and I locked eyes with this dude that was just too motivated." "[laughter]" "My friends, they were just like, "All right, Becks, we're gonna go home."" "All right, you guys go." "I see some shit that's gonna pan out." "[laughter]" "When we get back to his house, I'm just looking at him, and, like, do you ever wind up with a guy that's just..." "You can tell, like, the Eminem lyrics are going though his head, you know?" "♪ I got one shot, one opportunity ♪ [laughs]" "♪ Let me capture this [bleep]" "♪ Let me capture it [laughter]" "I don't like it when guys are super into porn, but I think that some of these guys see it, and they're, like, monkey see, monkey do." "They want to come back and bring it back to the homestead and try these moves out on us civilians." "Like, I can't have this guy popping in on me and, like, Judo chopping the leg and do a full split like," ""Oh, yeah, baby." "Does that feel good?" [laughs]" "I'm like, "Well, if I could breathe right now," "I'd say [bleep] no."" "[laughter]" "I'm suffocating and I think you've broken my femur." "[laughter] [laughs]" "And I wake up the next morning just feeling like, you know, this just... this abused cat from the Sarah McLachlan commercial." "[laughter] [light instrumental music]" "I have like..." "Half my hair is gone." "I always have one eyelash just completely torn off." "That poor guy's gonna find it on his ball sack like... whoosh." "What the hell is that?" "[laughter] [chuckling]" "There's rhinestones on it." "I party." "[laughter]" "Thank you guys so much." "You've been a lot of fun." " Give it up for her one more time, y'all." "[cheers and applause]" "Tonight, the world will get to see what the Bay Area has known for years." "Prepare to choke on your funny bone." "Make some noise for my boy, David Gborie." "More some noise [speaks indistinctly]." "[cheers and applause] [upbeat music]" " I come from San Francisco." "[cheers and applause]" "Doesn't mean anything other than I haven't had a job in a long time." "[laughter]" "I used to have a real job, though." "I used to work in an office." "It was terrible." "[laughter]" "Got sick of feeling like I was six sick days away from suicide all the time." "[laughter]" "There was one highlight to office work." "I think we could all agree that that is obviously cake day." "[laughter] [cheers and applause]" "It's the only thing they had worth doing!" "And I remember one time in my office we were having cake day and I was getting down, doing my thing." "Like, I was eating food like people eat food, and my boss comes up to me." "[inhales sharply]" "David, I see you're enjoying the cake." "Who wouldn't?" "Chocoholic right here." "But you have to slow down and make sure there's enough for everybody." "[laughter]" "She said that to my [bleep] face." "[laughter]" "And I'm confrontational, I'm not a punk, so I stood up and I was like, "You know what?" "[bleep] you, Linda."" "[laughter] [cheers and applause]" "At the office Christmas party, you got drunk and made out with, like, eight interns." "Was there enough for everybody to go around there?" "[cheers and applause]" " Give David some love again, man." "[laughs]" "All right, y'all, we'll be right back with a performance from your boy, your host, Lil Rel." "That's me." "We'll be right back." "That's right." "[cheers and applause]" "♪ [cheers and applause]" " I don't need a guy because I have a cat." " [meows] [laughter]" " Which is great." "It's the best." "And he molests me every night." "It's the greatest." "Like, you know how cats knead?" "'Cause they love?" "He only does it to my right tit." "That's the only place he'll do it, and then when he's done, he'll put his paw over my mouth as if to be like, "Shh."" "[laughter] [cheers and applause]" " All right." "You having a good time tonight so far?" "[cheers and applause]" "Gotta find me a church out here." "That's a hard thing when you move to a new city, trying to find somewhere to go to church at." "I'm a church boy since I grew up." "'Cause, you know, some of these preachers, man," "I can't let anybody just preach to me." "That ain't my thing." "Some of these dudes just got good preaching voices, but they ain't saying nothing." "They just sound smooth." "Amen." "How you doing?" "[laughter] Amen." "We gonna do it right today." "[laughter]" "We gonna do it right today." "Amen." "I hope you ready to do it right, 'cause God want us to do it... right today." "Then you got the overly energetic preacher who really don't say anything that makes sense." "Only thing you understand is his last two words." "When God says something," "He moves in a way that most folks don't know." "If God moves this a-way, he's not gonna go over that a-way." "'Cause at the end of the day, it's not about you." "[laughter and applause]" "You don't trust a lot of these preachers, 'cause, you know, they got these damn iPads up there now." "They don't even have real Bibles." "I'd love to be in church one day and the WiFi go down." "Him being, you know, cocky 'cause he got this iPad." "Amen." "How y'all doing?" "Turn to "Ephesians 4 and 5."" "[organ music]" "Still loading, amen." "[laughter]" "Amen." "[sighs]" "You know, sometimes God needs you to refresh the Word so we can get it right." "Amen." "Refreshing the word." "And sometimes you need to lift the Word up, 'cause, God, need to see what He has told us as a reminder." "Amen." "Real quick, does anybody have HotSpot?" "Amen." "[laughter and applause]" "Okay, this is what we're gonna do." "I'm gonna go reset that router, and we gonna get that Word." "Amen." "[cheers and applause]" "All right, that's been our show." "One more time for all our hilarious comedians." "I'm Lil rel." "This has been "Acting Out."" "Piece out, everybody." "We out!" "[cheers and applause]" "♪"