""Will I be able to say one day how many men I've killed?" ""For I have killed," ""I, Antonin Verset, schoolmaster." ""I who refused to go hunting with my cousins." ""How many of these men will I be able to remember?" ""How long does it take to make a man?" ""How long does it take to destroy him?"" "FRAGMENTS OF ANTONIN" "It's perfect." "Simon." "He avoids your gaze." "He's ashamed of something." "When he was found, wandering along the tracks, 3 months after the war ended," "Antonin Verset could not say who he was or hold anyone's gaze." "Only first names, five in all, made up his language." "Repeated tirelessly dozens of times a day." "Were they his loved ones?" "Members of his family?" "None of these names corresponds to his life in peacetime." "But Antonin Verset does not have amnesia." "His memories are very clear." "He experiences them as a physical reality." "He makes involuntary gestures, bringing up images of the past." "The most troubling, in Antonin's case, is that when he disappeared, he was far from the fighting and trauma." "He was responsible for carrier pigeons." "Even now, after 4 months of observation and work, looking someone in the eye seems beyond him." "What did he see?" "What did he do?" "Like all the men I treat at this hospital, he experienced the chaos of the world." "Rarely has wartime penetrated peacetime so deeply." "Rarely have the dead weighed down the living." "Never has warfare caused such terrible injuries." "Never has medicine known such challenges." "Say, Labrousse..." "I wanted to say..." "Your patients, or rather, the men you're treating, it's best they don't go into the garden." "They're not contagious." "No, but it scares the convalescents and families." " There are these fakers." " The war is over." "Why would they fake it?" "For the war pension." "You want them granted disabled war veteran status?" "An amputated arm, a disfigured face, is worth money, but honestly, nightmares..." "How many suicides and desertions during the war?" "Very few." "Incredible resistance." "We owe victory to them." "On the battlefields and elsewhere, you master fear, put on a brave face." "It all comes out afterwards." "How many men cannot speak?" "How many shake uncontrollably?" "How many cannot move?" "Their injuries do not bleed." "They are not worn like medals." "Often, they are ashamed." ""I loved that day of summer 1914." ""The fervour, the communion." ""I loved being patriotic." ""I loved that moment when war is still just a sentiment." ""Something unreal."" "Fredo." "Here." "I haven't seen you in quite a while." "There you go." "There, my little pigeon." "OK..." "OK." "Everything's fine." "Everything's fine." "We'll go see her." "I've got good news!" "Look." "He came back just for you." "MARCHING ORDERS" "Camp Rancourt to Camp Fremont" " Immediate departure" "Can you fill these?" "I have to leave." "The water's rationed." " The pigeons are parched." " Casualties first." "Have you seen Madeleine?" "You mean the Hun?" "Goodbye." "I have to go." "Now?" "They need a carrier near Arras." "Your perfume, what is it?" "It's violet, from the Black Forest." "It's what my mother wore." "I also wanted to give you my notebook." "I'd like you to read it." "Colonel wants you." "Casualties." "Triage." "Your pigeons are needed for messages." "Shrapnel in the thighs and kidneys." "Picked up when?" "At dawn." "Like the others, colonel." "I'll take him." "Hit in the abdomen." "Four, at least." "Forget him." "Savelli, Pierre-Ange, 173rd Infantry Regiment." "He was holding a letter from his wife." " So?" " She's just given birth." "To save him, I need 4 hours." "To save him and him, an hour for each." "And him, 2 hours." "Can you count?" "I save 3 instead of 1." "Clear the end, there." "Open shoulder fracture." "The bleeding has stopped." "I'll take him." "Blown-off right leg." "No other injuries." "No." "Or rather, yes." "We'll cauterize it." "It'll win us some time." "He has a perforated lung." "No." "Berjac, Guy, 129th." "Perforated internal carotid artery." "Forget him." "Several bayonet wounds." "How come he's still alive?" "He's an officer." "No." "He's a dying man." "Ferrou, Émile, 113th Infantry Regiment." "Lieutenant." "Jaw and tongue blown off." "Lieutenant." "Verset?" "Antonin..." "Help..." "Help me." "Help me." "Hey, pigeon handler, give us a hand!" "I'll come back." "I'll stay with you." "Spot 802?" "I'm still here, sir, yes." "Yes." "Don't forget, sir, that spot 802 is particularly dangerous and we've already lost a lot of men there." "Of course." "Yes, sir." "We'll be there." ""129th Infantry Regiment." ""Ferrou, Émile."" ""18th Infantry Regiment." ""Cayeux, François." ""Réboulais, Émile." ""Haporaux, Albert." ""Chenal, Tanguy." ""Verbier, Albert."" "Am I going to die?" "Yes." "I've noticed it for months:" "the shaking, the blindness, the patients' spasms have no organic cause." "The wounds, the cries were silent." "Internal shock hid in their bodies." "Their intact limbs twisted as if under the effect of a tension of an incredible force" ""118th Infantry Regiment."" "How can I tear them from the past?" "How can I free them from their suffering?" ""Bérinet, Ignace."" "Memories of hell." ""Berthou, Octave."" "The hell of memories." ""Torrel, Albert." ""Garrot, Ferdinand." ""Vial, Fabien." ""Ribeiro, Roger." ""Richard Mondaret." ""Feuillère, Émile."" "Not so fast." "I thought you were leaving." ""Feuillère, Émile."" "I still have to find water for them." ""Vieuchot, Maxime." ""Ferrou, Émile."" "Can you help me?" "It won't take so long." "He's been waiting for weeks." "He'll see her again." "They were raised together." "He grew so fond of her that all he's interested in... is seeing her again." "It keeps birds of prey away." "Right." "Open your hands..." "There you go." "In 3 hours, he'll be in Paris." " The families will be informed." " Yes." "I'll wash your hands." "Do you know you're hurt?" "Carrying the corpses must've reopened it." "A gift from my brothers when I told them" "I was joining the French Red Cross." "One took an axe, the other my hand." "Then they chopped it." "So the man I marry will know what to expect." "They were proud." "They were fighting with the Germans." "We were Alsatian therefore German." "And Germans who spoke German." "And I, of course, was the traitor." "Lean forward." "My mother had taught me French without anyone knowing." "I had to be loyal to her." "And your brothers?" "My brothers..." "My brothers, I don't know." "Maybe they're still fighting." "Can you help me?" "Or maybe not." "Lean forward." "Have you had these injuries long?" "Six months." "Just before coming here." "There." "Men!" "Today's attack... is the same as yesterday's" "and the same as tomorrow's." "It will lead us to victory and freedom." "Spot 802, you all remember it." "It took many of our brothers from us." "And their bodies now... mark the boundary of a free world." "Beyond it lies the barbarians' world." "Tonight, the enemy position will be ours." "God is on our side." "There will be no casualties." "Just heroes and martyrs." "Soldiers, for our country, and our children..." "Forward!" "Go on!" "Move!" "Stand to one side." "Chartreux, get going!" " Like everyone." " I can't." "If we all act like him, we'll stop the war." "Mazard, you want to stop the war?" "This isn't some miners' strike!" "It's a massacre." "No, it's France." "And this is war!" "Chartreux, look." "Look at this bible." "Look at it!" "It saved my life." "It stopped a bullet hitting me in the heart." "It speaks of courage and the honour of sacrifice." "It will lead us to victory." "You'll go over the top and you'll fight." "Do you hear?" "You're going to fight." "Chartreux!" "Chartreux!" "France needs you!" "You know the rules." "You all know the rules." "He's completely drunk." "Chartreux!" "Jean..." "Chartreux, died a coward." "His wife will have to be told, his children" "and his entire village." "Get up!" "Attack!" "Jean..." "Come on!" "Come on, get up." "Your back is riddled with bullets." "Go!" "Go!" "Mazard!" " He's wounded." " Help him get up." "Antonin, get up." "Antonin, can you hear me?" "Come on, advance!" "We'll make it." " Do you have children?" " No." " Are you married?" " No, sir." "Go on, son." "Go!" "Go on!" "Come on!" "Over the top, you!" "Gas, fuck!" "Come see." "I can't see anything." "The roots of his hair." "Piloerection." "It's a natural reflex." "His brain is emitting adrenalin." "During an attack, the men's hair is so stiff that the tips touch the top of their helmets." "The muscles are as taut as bows." "The stomach goes into spasms." "Sometimes, they cannot control their urine." "The physiological reality of war." "The effect of the whistling?" "This sound stimulus has jogged his memory, awakening phantoms and emotions." "He's a ghost." "Where are you?" "What are you doing?" "Ernst." "Continue." "I can't breathe." "Where are you?" "Who is Ernst?" "The music." "Go on." "The earth." "Are you alone?" "Where are the others?" "Ernst." "Who is Ernst?" "Today is a milestone." "He conversed." "Is he better?" "He's making progress." "The professor wants to stop him hallucinating." "He wants him to put words to images, to talk about his past, so he accepts it like a shock whose wave is receding." "What about his family?" "Does anyone visit?" "His family..." "A wife?" "A fiancée?" "Someone?" "In a way, it suits the professor." "How?" "If he didn't have his patients and his research..." "The war... deprived him of his son." "A music academy graduate." "Distinction." "His body was never found." "That's good." "Very good." "Trust me." "It's your story." "It's normal we listen to you." "You can be proud." "It's good." "Gee up!" ""Will I be able to say one day" ""how many men I've killed?" ""For I have killed," ""I, Antonin Verset, schoolmaster." ""I who refused to go hunting" ""with my cousins." ""How many of these men will I be able to remember?" ""I loved that day of summer 1914." ""The fervour, the communion." ""I loved being patriotic," ""defending the borders." ""I loved to speak of duty to my pupils," ""to reassure them before cowardice had shown me" ""the extent of its grip." ""My soldier birds," ""do they know what there was before?" ""What there will be after?" ""What world can they see from above?" ""What landscape lays beneath them?" "What are you doing here?" "Get lost!" "Leave us alone!" "Deserter?" "He's doing no harm." "What did he say?" "He isn't like the others." "Leave us alone." "He's a schoolmaster." "And you?" "Nothing." "Is this your home?" "Where are you from?" "Don't ask." "I have no past." "What's that symbol?" "A pigeon." "I'm a pigeoneer." "I send messages with pigeons." "Is that The Danube?" "What else is there?" "The Elbe?" "The Rhine." "And... the Older?" "Oder." "Die Oder." "Die Oder." " Seine?" " The Seine, yes." "Garonne." " The Loire." "No." " Yes." "The Loire." "The Loire." " Rhône." " And...?" "The Rhine." " No?" " Yes." ""How long does it take to make a man?" ""How long does it take to destroy him?"" "We've been expecting you." "The captain wants to see you." "For Paris, headquarters." "It's urgent." "It's late." "The pigeons need sun." " How long to Paris?" " 3 hours." "It will leave at dawn." "It's important." "It's about the execution." "After it is sent, remain at my disposal." "I'm needed elsewhere, sir." "It concerns a deserter, a recidivist." " A certain..." " Krief." "Simon Krief, sir." "Recently, mutinies have broken out led by the anarchists." "The men are tired." "And I understand them." "But Paris demands examples." "You will be in the firing squad." "I am told, in the contaminated regiment, few bullets hit the target." "Either our soldiers are bad shots or they deliberately miss." "Any bonds with the condemned?" "No emotional bonds or common past?" "All must be perfect tomorrow." "The general is coming." "I can't do that, sir." "I'm asking you to do your duty." "You're a corporal, I'm a captain." "I obey the chief of staff, who answers to the government." "War reveals what peace tries to conceal:" "the power of some men over others." "My duty is to ensure a court ruling is respected." "It was to lead attacks against strangers." "It will be to ensure the armistice is respected." "All wars have an end." "In fact, it's strange to think violence will become illegal." "What will we do with our conscience?" "We were wondering what a shirker looked like." "I was wondering what an idiot looked like." "What's your problem?" "What's that?" "We rough up blokes with cushy jobs like you." " Go on!" " Hey, stop." "What have you done now?" " I don't believe it!" " Mazard!" "What are you doing here?" "I'm fighting, mate." "You know this shirker?" "Which shirker is that?" "We fought at Butte Sainte-Estelle." "After I got wounded, they needed a literate bloke to be a messenger." "You do what you can." "Simon Krief, do you know him?" "We're edgy because of him." "How d'you know him?" "I don't know him." "I'll be in the squad." "Simon has eaten fruits we've never seen." "He has touched women as soft as silk, as dark as ebony." "2 years ago, he joined the 4th Zouave regiment, with foreign volunteers." "He thought that way he'd become French." "His dream was to leave Tunisia and become French." "He fought like a lion." "Mention and all the rest." "2 months ago, he met some officers to try and get his French ID." "He deserved it." "But it was too late." "What mattered was, he had deserted." "Abandoned his post, as they say." "Attention!" "Present arms!" "Mercy, sir!" "Mercy!" "I fought for your country!" "I'm scared." "I'm scared." ""The military tribunal at Soissons" ""has sentenced to death Brigadier Simon Krief" ""for abandoning his post" ""in the enemy's presence." ""As the request for clemency has been rejected," ""the sentence must be executed."" "Don't worry, Simon." "Your wife can be proud." "Silence, or I'll put you under arrest!" "On my orders..." "Make ready..." "Take aim!" "Fire!" "Order arms!" "They do that when they see death on another man's face." "I've seen them do it often." ""I did not see her the day of my arrival." ""Or the day after." ""I have the impression, without having met," ""we were looking for each other." ""I remember her face the first time I saw it." ""She smiled at me." ""She told me her name was Madeleine."" "I have an appointment with Professor Lantier." "Is it for a visit?" "No." "He's expecting me." "My dear Madeleine!" "Professor." "You received my letter." "How are you?" "Fine." "And you?" "The effects of the war are lasting." "We still need you." "Do you accept?" "Yes." "I need people like you." "Your room is small, but has running water." "OK?" "That'll be perfect." "I'll finish my round and introduce you to the nurse." "The doctors' studies and admin offices are here." "Lantier's is the 2nd on the right." "And the patients?" "Downstairs." "There are three wards." "Two surgery wards, one psychiatric ward." "Contagious patients are on the other side." "Evening meals are served in the refectory." "Antonin Verset could not say who he was." "Only first names, five in all, made up his language." "But Antonin Verset does not have amnesia." "His memories are very clear." "He experiences them as a physical reality." "His memory is stuck on episodes of the war." "Like ghosts he cannot let go." "He relives them endlessly." "Jean, Ernst, Jürgen," "Simon, Madeleine." "Professor Lantier?" "Do you have a Mr Verset on your ward?" "Antonin Verset." " Are you family?" " No." " A friend?" " My name will mean nothing." "Madeleine Oberstein." " Is he here or not?" " I must warn the professor." "Erik Satie performed by Victor Labrousse" "Madeleine." "Yes." "Antonin."