"April:" "There's a thing we say when someone dies." "We say it to the patient's family." "Amelia:" "There are on-call rooms for that." "We say, "I'm sorry for your loss."" "With type ii, we're dealing with low birth weight, underdeveloped lungs, swallowing problems, respiratory problems." "If carried to term, type ii infants typically die within a few hours of delivery, sometimes days." "Your baby's also at high risk for intrauterine fracturing." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Um, did you say intrauterine?" "Yes." "My b..." "My baby's bones are breaking inside of my belly?" "The place he's supposed to be safe, his... his bones are breaking." "[ Voice breaking ] No, I just..." "Um, c-can he feel it?" "His bones breaking?" "I mean, he can feel it, right?" "So, he's in..." "He's in pain." "Again, I am so sorry." "It's a pat little phrase, and an empty one." "[ Indistinct talking, monitor beeping ]" "Man:" "Clear!" "It doesn't begin to cover what's actually happening to them." "Man:" "Clear." "It lets us empathize without forcing us to feel their devastation ourselves." "It protects us..." "Man:" "Time of death..." "[ Woman walls ] from feeling that pain." "That dark, sinking, relentless pain..." "The kind that can eat you alive." "And every day, I thank god for that." "[ Door opens ]" "I thought they went home." "They wanted to talk some more." "I'm not sure it helped." "Why didn't you call me?" "I mean, I can help them." "They need someone who knows them and who cares about them and who can make it..." "Who can make it what?" "Nice." "I want to make it as nice for them as it can be." "And you're not nice." "You really care about them, don't you?" "Yeah, I do." "They're my friends." "And that right there is why you have no business in that room." "There's only one set of feelings that matters here, and it's not yours." "I don't know what's gonna help them, but it isn't you." "April Kepner is no longer your patient." "Excuse me." "[ Door opens ]" "April:" "[ Crying ] There's no way, no way for me to do what I need to do..." "April... and what I-I believe that I should do." "Shh, shh, shh." "There is a way, sweetheart." "There's always a way." "Now, here's what we'll do." "You will choose a day." "Soon." "Set it aside and arrange to be induced." "And you'll give birth to your beautiful little boy." "And you'll give him a name and have him baptized right then and there." "Then you're gonna get to hold that baby." "And you'll pray for him and sing to him." "You're gonna look at him." "You're gonna look at him and memorize every little detail of his face." "And you will do that as long as he lives." "You will do that until god takes him." "That's how you will do this." "[ Sobs ] We can do that." "Can you do that for me?" "Oh, of course I'll do that for you." "I'll do that for you and him and us." "Okay." "Okay?" "Okay." "So, I'll just..." "I'll just hold him until god takes him." "That sounds lovely." "Maybe god won't take him." "Maybe... maybe there will be a miracle." "Okay." "I'll just pray for a miracle." "Okay." "Okay?" "[ Sobs ]" "Okay." "Okay." "[ Exhales sharply ]" "Lord..." "Bailey!" "Grey!" "What?" "!" "Sorry." "I have a favor to ask." "I'm on call this weekend." "Can you take it?" "Why?" "What do you need to do?" "I want to go see Derek." "I don't really want to talk about it in here." "No, I can't." "Little tuck is with his father, and Ben and I have the weekend to ourselves." "Which is exactly why I'm asking..." "Then you know exactly why I'm saying no." "Huh!" "[ Breathes deeply ]" "Lord... [ cellphone vibrating ]" "Oh, well, crap." "You know what I was gonna say." "Woman:" "Somebody get me an O.R., please?" "Move beds three and four to the burn center." "Man:" "Coming through!" "It's a mess in here." "Yeah, Kepner's out." "Things don't run right without her." "We have a GSW in five." "Bailey, can you take that?" "Yeah, b-b-but how are they..." "Kepner and Avery?" "No word." "I'm admitting that femur break in bed six." "Bed five needs a rt consult." "Okay, hold on." "Hold on, um..." "Okay, well, where's Kepner?" "I can just tell her." "Uh, she and Avery are out today." "Oh, god, today?" "[ Sighs ]" "Okay, what are we gonna do for them?" "Flowers?" "No, that's weird." "Yeah, no, w-what else can we do for them?" "Do for who?" "Together:" "Kepner and Avery." "Oh, god, what do you do?" "Flowers?" "Vetoed." "Food?" "Who cooks?" "Nobody cooks." "Oh, Kepner cooks." "We could do a fruit basket?" "Oh, stop." "We could all sign a card." "Okay, I'm stopping." "I lit a candle in the chapel." "It made me feel better." "You can all just, um, give them privacy." "That's all they're gonna want." "Uh, Shepherd." "Uh, you said you wanted to go over Dr. Herman's tumor plan." "You want to get lunch?" "Oh." "Uh..." "I can't." "I-I got to push it." "Drew Hawkins, in for a surgical resection of a butterfly glioma." "Can you see the light even a little?" "Nope." "It's just black." "Total blindness now for about a month." "But I can still smell." "What is that, lilac perfume?" "Lavender shampoo." "And why has drew gone blind?" "The blindness in both eyes is caused by a lesion in the optic radiation." "Nailed it, Dr. lavender." "[ Chuckles ]" "Oh, can we show her the trick?" "Sure." "Catch!" "Oh, wow." "Pretty fly for a blind guy, right?" "How?" "Drew has cortical blindness." "His eyes still see, but only the subconscious part of his brain receives the signals." "Your subconscious saw the pen." "Once I decompress the tumor," "I may be able to free up the visual cortex, possibly restoring your sight." "And maybe I'll see again?" "Drew, we talked about this." "I am gonna try for total resection, but at the very least, I will buy you time." "I know, I know, but there's a chance?" "There's a chance." "[ Siren wailing ] What do you have for me?" "Brenda bonaman, 44." "Isolated shotgun wound to the neck." "She has right shoulder dislocation status post mechanical fall." "Who shot her?" "My husband." "Your husband?" "Not like that!" "Not on purpose!" "It was an accident." "Was it, Howard?" "Was it an accident?" "Did you confuse me with a moose?" "Brenda, if I wanted to shoot you, I'd have done it in the woods." "You'd still be out there." "Okay, l-let's calm it down." "Miranda:" "Let's get her to trauma one now." "Shoulder dislocation." "The acromion's fractured." "I'm gonna need to do a reduction under anesthesia." "Might as well wait." "She's got a zone two injury." "Wounds from the cricoid to the mandible." "She's got to go straight to the O.R." "Oh, god." "Brenda, I'm sorry." "Howard, shut up." "And, uh..." "Why were we pointing a shotgun at our wife today?" "I was putting it away, and it..." "We had just come back from duck hunting." "Duck hunting..." "His big idea of an adventure." "It was fun!" "You had..." "I wanted to go to Belize." "Well, it rains in Belize, too." "I don't get shot in Belize!" "[ Groans ]" "Brenda, what's hurting?" "Everything hurts!" "Doctor, here's the X-ray." "Okay." "Okay, yeah, it's this pellet." "It's close to the major blood vessels." "Miranda:" "And we'll know for sure once we open her up." "Come on, let's go." "Oh, god!" "Howard..." "Baby." "Brenda, honey, I'm here." "I'm sorry." "All right, we got to go." "Sir, could you move, please?" "Warren, follow up on her labs." "And have them rushed quick." "I need them upstairs." "Is she..." "What is happening to her?" "!" "Listen, you can wait right over there, okay?" "And, listen, as..." "As soon as we know something, we'll come get you." "We are gonna take very good care of her." "All right." "Um..." "What do I do with this?" "Uh, that's a patient's personals release." "But, uh, you take it to the clerk." "But first, take these up to the lab." "Tell them to rush the results." "You got it?" "What time did you come to bed last night?" "I didn't until this morning." "Ugh, my palms are so sweaty." "[ Knock on door ] Hi." "So, I just need a few signatures before we begin." "Um, so, what exactly happens after this?" "How do we get started?" "Well, uh, after we're done here," "I will take you to your room." "I'll give you the medication that starts dilation, then the pitocin." "And your body will know what to do from there." "So, this is for the birth certificate." "Have you decided on a name?" "Uh, we are still working on that." "We're... yeah." "Okay, well, you can just sign now and we'll fill in the rest later." "Uh, these are the consent forms." "I think we signed those." "Not these." "Uh, what we're doing today is an induction termination." "You're at 24 weeks, so, technically, we could intervene to keep the baby alive after the delivery." "And these are just forms to make it official that..." "You don't." "I need both signatures." "What are those other forms?" "Uh..." "These are, um..." "For the death certificate." "Really?" "Can we not..." "Yet?" "It's better to get all of the paperwork out of the way, and then you never have to worry about it again." "Do you need a minute?" "Yes, please." "[ Door opens, closes ]" "All I wanted was to start a family with you." "Oh, I know." "I know." "This isn't fair." "None of this is fair." "You're right." "I know." "I don't care what she says." "I'm not signing these." "Jo:" "I didn't even know this place was here." "Shh." "[ Breathes deeply ]" "Okay, let's go." "Shh." "I found it first..." "Their baby's problem." "I know, but that isn't..." "I wished horrible things for them, Jo." "Jackson left me for her, and I wished them misery and fights and breakups." "I mean, I'd see them sitting together in the cafeteria, and I'd wish them food poisoning." "Then I found this." "You would never have wished them this." "[ Sighs ] You know that." "If you hadn't have found it, somebody else would have." "It wouldn't have changed anything." "It's not on you." "If anything, it just means that you're a good doctor." "Okay." "I'm gonna go make a blind man see." "[ Chuckles softly ]" "Zola's gonna push for cookies after dinner." "Don't fall for it." "And Bailey's blanket is in the dryer." "Yeah, why don't you tell this to Jo?" "She's gonna be doing it." "What?" "You offered." "I didn't offer." "Jo did." "I'm on call all weekend." "What's going on?" "I can't leave my kids with Wilson." "Wilson is a hoodlum." "I leave my kids with my person." "Cristina did it all the time." "[ Cellphone vibrating ]" "Cristina Yang watched your kids?" "Yes." "I don't buy that for a second." "Talk to Jo." "No Jo!" "She asked you to watch her kids?" "Yeah, she's wigging out about trying to go to D.C. to see Derek." "Why didn't she ask me?" "I'm a person." "[ Scoffs ] That's not what she meant." "What..." "And you don't want to be, trust me." "It's a pain in the ass." "[ Brenda yelling, groaning ]" "All right, let's get her prepped." "We need to put her under." "It hurts." "It hurts!" "Okay, we know, but we're gonna put you to sleep, and then we can attend to that shoulder." "No, no, my stomach!" "Uh, hold the anesthesia." "She's complaining of abdominal pain." "I'm here." "Where do you need me?" "Uh, can you bring the ultrasound?" "All right, I don't see any wounds in her torso or her legs or..." "Uh, Bailey?" "I don't think you'll need that ultrasound." "Come here and tell me if I am seeing what I think I'm seeing." "Oh, my goodness." "Oh, my goodness." "What?" "!" "What's going on?" "Uh, let's page o.B.!" "Okay, okay." "Brenda, how far along are you?" "What?" "I don't know..." "why didn't you tell us that you were pregnant?" "Because I'm not!" "That's impossible." "Tell them to get here fast!" "Bring me the stirrups." "Yes, doctor." "No, I'm not pregnant!" "I cant get pregnant!" "I can't have a baby!" "You are having one." "I'm looking at its head right now." "Aah!" "Anderson?" "That's a last name as a first name." "I hate last names as first names." "I have a last name as a first name." "This is gonna be too big on me." "I should've brought something from home." "Come on." "I still like..." "No!" "I'm sorry." "I know he's your favorite uncle, but you can't name a child norbert." "Norbert's the kid that gets his lunch money stolen." "Now..." "he's the kid that gets punched on the playground." "That's not gonna be our kid." "[ Door opens ] All right, ready for..." "[ Sighs ]" "I'll come back." "Okay." "I think it's time to put on the gown." "No, it's not time." "We don't have a name yet." "We can't do this without a name." "We may only have a couple of minutes with our son once..." "I am not gonna spend that time trying to figure out a name." "Can we..." "just give me..." "just give me a minute, okay?" "Just wait." "I just, I want..." "I just want to wait in case..." "In case what?" "It happens." "Jackson, they happen, all right?" "Mir... miracles, they..." "They happen to people." "There are documented medical cases that cannot be explained by science." "What if this is one of those and..." "And we're deciding to do this today, when if we just..." "I don't even know why I'm talking to you about this." "I'm not doing this." "I thought I could, but I can't." "I won't." "April." "Where are you going?" "Miranda:" "Okay, call o.B. Again!" "Here, hold pressure." "Uh, get a baby warmer in here." "Uh, gown us, please." "How does someone go through nine months and not even know she's pregnant?" "It happens." "How did we not know?" "What happened to those damn lab results?" "I don't..." "I don't know!" "I gave them to an intern, and I told her..." "I gave them to you, not to an intern." "So you damn well better find out what happened to them." "Now!" "[ Breathes deeply ]" "Who the hell left this here?" "Uh, what do you need?" "This kind of crap would never happen when Kepner's here." "I-I'll take it up there." "[ Sighs ]" "So, if o.B. Doesn't get here, um, who's catching?" "Uh, you are." "Oh, I was gonna say you were." "Uh, I fix bones." "Brenda:" "You guys are wrong!" "I'm not pregnant!" "[ Screams ] Is that another contraction?" "No, my..." "Ow, my shoulder!" "[ Mutters ]" "Okay, more Lidocaine." "Brenda, we can't put you under until the baby's born." "All right, someone, uh, call peds!" "I'm having a baby?" "I am?" "Yes, you are, Brenda." "I can't have babies." "I want to, but they told me I can't ever." "Okay, well, they were wrong, sweetie." "You can and you are, so get ready." "On the next contraction, I'm gonna need you to push, okay?" "[ Gasps ] [ Monitor beeping ]" "Pulse ox is dropping." "The hematoma's compressing the trachea." "She's gonna lose her airway!" "Oh, god, okay." "Okay, all right, we're almost there, Brenda." "I want you to push for me, okay?" "One, two, three, push!" "[ Monitor beeping ] That's great." "That's great." "Okay, try it again." "One, two, three, push!" "[ Beeping continues ]" "No!" "No, no, no." "Don't push." "She's straining too hard." "She's dislodged the clot." "Uh, lap pads, lap pads." "Hold pressure with me here." "Bailey." "Bailey, it's okay." "It's okay." "You did it, Brenda." "You did it." "Brenda, you have a little girl." "[ Monitor beeping rapidly ]" "Hey, you know how this is done?" "Not a clue." "Hey, uh, did Yang ever watch Meredith's kids?" "[ Scoffs, chuckles ]" "See, I knew it." "Mer's full of crap." "I don't have to babysit for her." "No, no, she did." "Cristina would take zola." "She'd take her home." "And then when the diaper blew out, she'd hold her up to me like a bag of medical waste." "Cristina would study." "She'd eat all of zola's snacks." "And I would be the one down on the floor playing with blocks, so yes and no." "What are you doing this weekend?" "I'd do it for Cristina, I'm not doing it for you." "Damn it." "So, his eyes still work, it's just the communication to the brain?" "But his tumor's in the corpus callosum, pushing into both occipital lobes." "Right." "He'll probably never see again." "But you said..." "I said we'd try." "What's this?" "Taking on new cases?" "You told me you were going "all my tumor, all the time."" "Giving up on me?" "On the contrary." "I'm going to use a co2 laser to peel a man's glioma off layer by layer." "It's the same technique I'll be using on your optic nerve." "It's how I'll keep you from going blind when I save you." "Ah." "And here, I thought I'd won you over to the dark side." "Never." "Keep hope alive." "So, we're practicing on him?" "On drew for Herman?" "Even though you don't think he's gonna see again." "That's one way to look at it." "Another way is we're giving him time..." "More years to live." "Let's go." "Have radiology send everything up to the O.R." "[ Baby crying ] Okay, put her out." "Let's intubate!" "Wait, wait, can I hold her?" "I'm here!" "Glove me." "Okay, we need to help you breathe now." "I just need to see her." "I need to hold her." "She's crying." "Where's my baby?" "No... oh, no." "I'm..." "I'm gonna take her and do an exam." "She'll be here when you wake up, okay?" "Let me hold my baby!" "Look, if we do, she might lose you, honey." "There's no time." "Let us work." "Please..." "I'm so sorry, Brenda." "[ Monitor beeping ]" "She's throwing multifocal pvcs." "What the hell!" "Uh, it's probabl..." "Um, ultrasound!" "Here." "Let me have those films." "Okay." "Where are you?" "Oh, damn it." "Where is what?" "There was a pellet at the vessels." "It should be right there, and it isn't." "Which means it moved into her heart." "[ Rapid beeping ]" "Runs of v-tach!" "Okay, uh, 75 of lido." "Let's get a repeat chest film!" "Page cardio!" "Brenda, no more surprises!" "It was a urine sample and two blood draws." "I-I gave it to an intern, and I told her to..." "I found it sitting on a supply rack." "Which intern?" "Yeah, I don't know." "She was about this tall, dark haired?" "Hey, Richard." "When you find her, find me." "No, when I find her, I'm gonna kill her." "Hi." "So, I'm on call this weekend, and I was wondering if you could take it." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I might have plans." "Catherine Avery's in town, and she's going through hell." "And I'd like to be able to tell her" "I'll be available if she needs me for anything." "Never mind." "I'll find someone else." "I-is there a problem?" "I-it's not a big deal." "We can just drop it." "Everything okay?" "Yeah, it's fine." "Really?" "You can tell me." "I'd rather not." "You said it was important." "It's just, mm, sex." "[ Elevator bell dings ]" "Emergency sex with my husband." "Should've dropped it." "Told you." "[ Siren wailing ]" "April." "Just wait." "Let me go." "Okay, you're right about miracles, okay?" "Sometimes they happen." "There are hearts that start beating again." "There's cancer that just goes away on its own." "I know." "I've seen it." "It happens sometimes." "But this, April..." "This is not that." "I know." "This isn't fair." "It isn't..." "Just." "And I have spent my life believing in a god who is just." "He gave me a calling, and I followed it." "I save lives every day." "I feel like I'm..." "I'm finally becoming the person that he wants me to be." "And then this..." "To be handed this?" "It's cruel." "[ Crying ] I feel like god is laughing at me." "If this is a test, I fail." "[ Breathes deeply ]" "All those years trusting and believing and praying..." "And if this..." "If this were just, even a tiny bit, then I could maybe..." "[ Breathes deeply ]" "I can't." "I have to go back to work." "I ha..." "I have to go to work." "[ Babies crying ]" "You're messing with me." "I'm not." "You are." "I'm not." "That's your little girl." "It's a mistake." "Brenda couldn't have a baby." "She wasn't pregnant!" "She was and she did." "It was your wife..." "Shotgun wound." "Had a baby." "No, she couldn't get pregnant!" "We tried!" "For years!" "We saw doctors." "All of them said we couldn't." "And Brenda was so..." "Sad." "And mad, at herself, and at me 'cause we can't have a baby." "You do." "We didn't know it?" "We... we just didn't know she was pregnant?" "It happens." "This was the whole reason for the hunting trips and the jet skis, trips to Bali and stuff." "I said to her, "babe, if it's just gonna be us, let's make us an adventure."" "But she really wanted a baby." "We both did." "You can hold her if you want." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Yes." "How's my wife?" "Maggie:" "She's gonna die if I don't get that out." "The pellet is bouncing all around the right ventricle." "That's what's causing her arrhythmias." "I'm gonna have to open her up." "Let's get ready to put her on bypass!" "Damn it, how did we get here?" "Look, she had a baby she never had a chance to hold, so if you could just..." "That's not helping." "I'll prep the femoral artery." "[ Monitor beeping ]" "Maggie:" "She's arresting!" "Crash cart!" "Charge to 200." "Husband wants to know how she's doing." "Clear!" "Aw, crap." "[ Flatline ]" "I have a pulse." "We have sinus!" "Splash her with Betadine." "Get me some towels." "For what it's worth, this is kind of a miracle baby." "I mean, they never thought they could have one." "So, you might be saving a whole family." "None of this is helping me!" "Ten blade!" "She's gonna die if I don't get that out." "[ Monitor beeping ]" "[ Sighs ]" "God..." "[ Sighs ]" "[ Chuckles ]" "I don't know." "I don't know, uh..." "If you're out there or not, um, or if you can even hear people who don't know if you're out there." "Or if you give a crap about what they say." "But, um..." "God, yahweh," "Buddha, e.T., whatever..." "April..." "Knows." "Right?" "She believes." "And she needs you." "So, uh..." "Um, show up for her?" "Please?" "Show up for April." "She loves you." "She needs you." "Please, uh..." "Show up for her." "Please." "[ Sighs ] Didn't expect to see you here." "They asked me for some privacy, so..." "I'm staying away." "[ Sighs ]" "What can I do?" "How many months has it been since that day in Boston?" "Um..." "About six." "Six months." "Six." "Yet it took something like this for you to pick up a phone and call." "I wanted to, uh, several times, I..." "Richard, I-I-I think we don't need to talk about that right now." "Okay." "If there's any way I can help... if there is anything I can do for you, or for them..." "I'm here." "I think I just want to be alone." "[ Sighs ]" "Amelia:" "And you have to keep the laser moving all the time." "Remove the tumor cell by cell like zapping dust off of a carpet." "Without singeing the carpet." "Exactly." "Now, when we use this on Herman's tumor, it'll be on her optic chiasm and nerve." "And rather than restoring drew's sight, we'll have to keep her from going blind." "See." "There." "You just said it." "Said what?" "You said "restoring drew's sight."" "You need to let that go." "I knew it." "You wouldn't have said it if you couldn't do it." "You wouldn't have even tried." "The tumor is everywhere." "It's impossible." "I knew that 20 minutes into this surgery." "Okay, so, why don't you stop?" "Why are you still working?" "To improve my technique." "That's..." "You should stop." "Why?" "You don't feel the slightest bit guilty?" "Guilty?" "Why?" "For using this nice, funny man, for turning him into a skills lab." "I can't use a human being for practice." "You feel guilty because you are thinking about you." "And this has nothing to do with you." "This is about drew." "This was his last hope." "The chances were slim, and drew knew that." "So I am thinking about what to say to him when he finds out that that last hope is gone." "That is what you should be thinking about, not your own guilt." "Maggie:" "Clamps off." "Up with the flow." "Come on, start beating." "[ Flatline ]" "All right, we're gonna have to use some electricity." "Charge the paddles to 20." "[ Electricity humming ]" "Charged." "Clear." "Oh, god." "Again." "Her heart's been through a lot today." "She got shot and she had a baby." "Clear!" "[ Flatline continues ]" "Brenda!" "You are going to hold your baby." "Do you understand me?" "You have a little girl who wants to meet you, so you are going to show up for that and you are going to hold her." "[ Electricity humming ]" "Clear!" "I got things covered." "You don't have to be here if..." "You don't want me here?" "No." "No, this place doesn't work without you." "It's been a mess here today." "I need you here, but not if you don't need to be here." "I want to be here." "No one has seen my mysterious intern." "No one's even heard of her." "I run the E.R. I know every intern." "What's her name?" "I-I don't know." "I mean, she..." "She's dark haired, she's got a vacant look on her face, and she..." "She's right there." "Hey!" "Hey, you." "Why didn't you do what I asked you to?" "Warren." "I'm sorry." "I don't know if..." "And... and why do you still have this?" "I told you this morning to just..." "stop it right now." "You don't work here, do you?" "What's your name?" "Wendy." "These are personal release papers for a deceased patient." "Who is this patient?" "My fiancé." "You came in last night." "I couldn't go home." "[ Flatline ]" "[ Sobbing ]" "Michael and I were driving home from this lodge." "We thought we might have our wedding there." "And then there was a big truck, and then..." "Everyone's been really nice." "They got me cleaned up." "Someone gave me these clothes to wear because mine were covered in..." "I went down to the cafeteria." "I think they thought I was a doctor." "They gave me food." "I went upstairs to the nursery." "I looked at the babies." "And it made me feel a little better." "I'm sorry if I messed up things for that one doctor." "I wasn't sure..." "[ Voice breaking ] They told me I could take" "Michael's things home with me when I was ready." "I haven't been ready." "I know." "We were gonna do so many things." "This was our beginning." "We had so many plans for a life and a family, and now they're gone!" "They're gone." "[ Sobs ]" "Wendy, do you believe in god?" "Yes." "But he didn't." "Michael didn't believe." "It's okay." "You can believe enough for the two of you." "You have lost somebody, and you are hurting, but you will get through this." "[ Breathes deeply ]" "You can survive this." "You are strong." "It's okay." "You are gonna be okay." "I promise." "April:" "Samuel norbert Avery." "That should be our son's name." "It should?" "Yeah." "I think I got what I was waiting for." "You did?" "Let's go back upstairs." "I'm ready now." "[ Sighs ]" "Meredith?" "Uh, my plans have changed." "Uh, I'd be happy to take your weekend call." "You should go." "Thanks, but it's fine." "I can go another time." "It's not a big deal." "No, no." "Take it from a man who has spent his life regretting the flights he never took." "Get on the plane, see Derek." "It is a big deal." "But I don't have anyone to watch my kids and Amelia is working, so..." "I am here." "What?" "I said I'm here." "I moved here alone and I have made one friend, and I consider you my friend." "Oh, I-I just..." "I mean, I didn't even..." "no, I'm just saying." "If you ever need something, like if you ever need help moving or, like, a ride to the airport, like, I'm that kind of friend." "But I can't ask you to babysit my kids." "Are you kidding me?" "I would love to." "I was a girl scout, and I was registered with a babysitting service as a teenager." "And I'm good." "I mean, I'm a "play on the floor and cook for them" babysitter." "You cook?" "And I bake." "Kids love baking, and I love babies, and babies love me." "And, you know, they're my niece and nephew, so I would..." "I would love to." "I would love to." "You..." "You don't have to bake." "Okay, but can I?" "We were pretty successful." "We were able to remove about 98% of your tumor, so you've got a few more years coming to you." "Oh." "Well, I haven't been able to bring myself to open up my eyes yet." "Why don't you do that now?" "Okay." "[ Gasps ]" "Somebody say something so I know who's who." "You can see?" "Yeah." "I-it's blurry, but it's... yeah!" "Okay, that may improve, it may not." "Drew, we'll run some tests, but..." "It's... but that's..." "I didn't think that I should hope." "Dr. lavender." "[ Laughs ]" "You did it." "I..." "I mean, I knew you could do it." "Even when you said it was impossible..." "because it was." "But you pulled it off!" "And you said to stop." "That's the difference." "I know what it is to walk into a hospital O.R." "With little or no chance of success, to do all of the planning and hoping and labor, knowing that in the end, it may amount to nothing." "It's impossible." "But it is what is asked of us." "And if you can't do it, if you aren't willing to keep looking for light in the darkest of places without stopping even when it seems impossible, you will never succeed." "What I am doing next with Herman is much, much harder than this." "I only need to be better, and I am gonna get there any way I can." "If you are not willing to do that, then you shouldn't be working with me and you probably shouldn't be a surgeon." "Understand?" "Everything all right?" "Yep." "Hey, the candle thing does work, by the way." "So, thanks for that." "[ Crying softly ] Howard?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "No." "This is just a lot for one day." "For a lifetime." "You ready?" "Yeah." "[ Gasps ] Oh, that's her." "She's real?" "Here she is." "Oh!" "Here's mama." "Oh, oh!" "Look at you." "Oh, look at you." "You look just like your daddy." "You have his nice chin." "[ Chuckles ]" "Oh." "[ Murmuring ]" "[ Sighs ]" "He squeezed my finger." "Oh." "And then he let go." "We can't get too close." "If we felt even a little of the love and the joy and the hopes that our patients are saying goodbye to... we'd never be able to function." "Is it over?" "Yeah." "I'm giving them some time." "Thank you for today." "It think that it would have been harder to be in there." "[ Sighs ]" "It's..." "Never easy for anybody." "So we say, "we're sorry for your loss."" "And we hope it offers something." "Can you just take me home?" "Take me home, take me to bed, and just hold me?" "[ Sighs ]" "[ Elevator bell dings ]" "Some little bit of support." "[ Siren wailing ]" "Some bit of peace." "Some bit of closure." "Something good." "Some little piece of beauty in the midst of someplace dark." "[ Sighs ]" "My baby lived for 43 minutes." "An unexpected gift..." "Just when it's needed most."