"Mr. Stover." "This little story about your son." "I gave you the facts and told you to write it honestly." "But this isn't the way i wrote it, sir." "Please listen." ""John h." "Stover, younger son of samuel stover sr.," ""last night left for miss wandell's select academy" ""for young ladies and gentlemen." ""John was last monday expelled" ""from the public schools of chester county by unanimous vote of the school board."" "That's the way i rewrote what you wrote." "Bert, mrs." "Stover and i are ashamed and humiliated." "We wish it could have been hushed up, but everybody would find out, and i don't want them saying i kept it out of the papers because it was my own son." "Bert:" "Hello." "Oh, yes." "Mrs. Stover calling you, sir." "Hello, maude." "Samuel, come home right away." "It's mrs." "Cameron." "She's going to put john in prison." "All right, maude." "I'll come at once." "Samuel stover, your son has robbed me of a blue ribbon in next week's horse show." "Please, mrs." "Cameron, if someone has been surreptitiously riding any of your prize horses- my beautiful, white, five-gaited gelding bucephalus." "Well, what's the matter with b-b-bucephalus?" "Look." "Well, why do you suspect john of this?" "The jones hardware store will tell you that yesterday at 3:30, john purchased two quarts of green paint, which he charged to my account." "Bert:" "Hello." "Oh, yes." "Mr. Stover, your little girl is on the phone." "Hello, tootsie." "I love you, darling, but i'm awfully busy right now, so you- but mom wants you." "Hurry." "John's been expelled from miss wandell's academy, and sambo's come home from yale about it." "Hello, sambo." "What is it, and how did the news reach yale university?" "There was an explosion at the academy, and it blew out the sides of the building, and it could have killed everybody." "The police say that john did it." "Sambo:" "I brought him home." "Dad, we'll never have a moment's peace unless you do something drastic about that young heathen right now." "In the last two years, we've lost half our friends and... well- oh, no, samuel." "Not reform school, please." "Why not reform school?" "Of course, there is one private school i know of, a school with a fine tradition among its students that manages to turn pretty nearly any young heathen into a good christian." "It did when i went there." "Lawrenceville, dad?" "Oh, no." "I won't stand for that." "Lawrenceville has a fine curriculum, an understanding faculty- we went all through that a year ago." "I've got a reputation at lawrenceville." "Maude, what do you say?" "Sam, your father means what he says about reform school." "All right." "Lawrenceville... but i'll bet the faculty won't let him stay there long enough for the splendid tradition to do him any good." "That we'll find out." "Bring john here." "This isn't your fault, dear." "Maybe i've failed with john." "You've had the patience of job." "Well, if lawrenceville doesn't work, i'll have job's boils, too." "Samuel:" "Great godfrey, maude!" "Look at that child's clothes." "And all the money i spent on him." "Samuel stover, 5 minutes after he puts on a new suit, it looks like something out of a ragbag." "This isn't a new suit." "This is the coat of one suit and the pants of another." "The other coat and pants were burnt in the explosion." "Did you deliberately set off that explosion and blow out the wall of the academy building?" "It could have happened to anybody." "What could have happened to anybody?" "One of the boys in chemistry class said you couldn't make dynamite without using special machinery." "He was wrong." "Was anybody hurt?" "A teacher got her coat blown off, but it was a warm night, and what was she doing wearing a coat?" "John... the day you left for that academy, a delightful peace and quiet descended on this community- by george, no, it didn't!" "John stover, did you paint mrs." "Cameron's white horse green?" "I did the horse a favor." "Why?" "!" "Well, the flies were bothering him something awful, so i painted him green, the same color as the grass, so the flies couldn't see him." "That's the most outrageous thing i ever heard of!" "John:" "No, it isn't." "I stayed there an hour after i painted him green." "The flies didn't bother him at all." "John, we're sending you to the lawrenceville school." "That ought to be very interesting." "When do i leave?" "Now." "Here's the lawrenceville stage, my little man." "Man:" "Whoa!" "Hey, there, young sporting life, you bound for lawrenceville?" "John:" "Yeah." "Well, tuck yourself in back there." "Thanks." "I'll cuddle here." "Want to look over the way you handle the reins, see if i approve your driving." "Don't look at me like that, old sport." "I've driven real coaches- 16 horses and all that sort of thing." "Now, what did they expel you for at your last school?" "Who said they expelled me?" "All right." "What did they fire you for?" "Fired me for trying to kill a gambler." "I drew a knife on him." "He'd have been done for, too, the coward, if they hadn't hauled me off." "Oh, me." "Thrilling state of affairs." "I saw red, everything red!" "What had this gambler done to you?" "He insulted my mother." "Your mother?" "She's dead." "You don't mean it." "A long time ago." "She died in a shipwreck to save me." "Held my head above the water." "I was the only one saved." "And your father, is he alive?" "Yes, but we don't speak of him." "Oh, pardon me." "Painful memory, of course." "Who is this old buck anyway?" "Oh, he comes back and forth every now and then." "Traveling salesman, huh?" "What's your line of goods, old sport?" "Uh, books." "Books?" "Say, can't you get any speed out of these nags?" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Yeah!" "Yeah, boys, go!" "Come on, you silly nags!" "Whoa!" "Stop that!" "Come on!" "Faster!" "Come on, you silly nags!" "Get going!" "Stop that, please." "Get those horses over here." "Give me those reins." "Give me those." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Easy now." "Whoa." "What in blazes are you trying to do, you young anarchist?" "You ought to be driving a couple of cows." "Giddyap." "Driver:" "Whoa." "Well, there it is." "Looks kind of quiet." "I'll put some ginger into it." "Which house are you headed for?" "The green house." "Giddyap." "Driver:" "Whoa, whoa!" "Whoa!" "Well, here it is, young sporting life, the green house." "That awful, old stone blockhouse affair?" "Why, it's not even on the campus." "It's still got a warm bunch of indians in it." "Uh, fare, please." "John:" "Well, old sport, tata, good luck." "Hope you sell out your line." "Thanks." "Don't forget about the ginger." "Sock it to them." "Why, old cocky wax, put this in your pipe and smoke it." "I'm gonna own this school." "Giddyap." "No old clothes today, nothing to sell." "No rags, no bottles, no bones." "Boy:" "He doesn't want to buy." "He wants to sell us something- patent removable underwear, i think." "I'm the new boy." "The what?" "The new boy?" "Impossible." "Can't be." "New boys always say "sir"" "and take off their hats politely." "Please, i am." "Can you prove it?" "Please, i have a letter." "My aunt's cat's pants!" "It is the new boy!" "What's your name?" "Stover." "Sir." "Sir." "What's your full name?" "John humperdink stover, sir." "Humperwhat?" "Dink." "Say it again." "Humperdink." "Say it for me." "Humperdink." "Can't have that." "From now on, your name is dink." "Yes, sir." "Why did they fire you?" "Well, they fired me for, uh... for bringing a couple of rattlesnakes into the school." "Sir." "Send him up." "He belongs to me." "Dink, this is the coffee colored angel- mr." "Channing to you, dink." "Make a bow." "Take your hat off!" "Keep your heels together!" "And this is the white mountain canary- mr." "Denton to you." "Bow." "And now mr." "Baxter, addressed as cheyenne only after a half a century of intimacy." "Bow, dink." "And this is poler beekstein." "He's only a genius." "He doesn't count." "And my name is mr." "Mccarty." "The pet name is tough, tough mccarty, and i don't like the way you been bowing, so do it over again to everybody with a lot more politeness." "The new man." "Well, stover, how are you?" "My name is butsey white- mr." "White to you, please." "I'm most particular." "How do you do, mr." "White?" "That's your kennel." "The bath's down the corridor." "What did they fire you for?" "Uh... they fired me for kissing a teacher." "There's a little too much airy persiflage going on around here." "You've got a lot to learn, young fella." "Mr. White?" "I brought some things along." "I thought they might help decorate the room." "Hmm." "What did they fire you for?" "Uh, they fired me- you, stover, turn up at 4:00 for baseball." "I don't play baseball." "You're the ninth man in the house, and the green is playing the cleve." "Everybody has to play." "4:00." "That's the gymnasium bell." "Recitation's coming up." "They got to get to classes before the bell stops." "We're out of bounds now." "Meaning me, i'm out of bounds?" "Mmm, the first day, you can do as you like." "Come in." "You are new here, huh?" "Yes, sir." "Stover, green house." "The green, huh?" "Sew your shirt on your back, or they'll have it off while you're putting it in your coat." "Oh, i don't know." "I'm a pretty cute proposition myself." "If any of those smart alecks think they can put one over on- all clear, al?" "All clear on the potomac." "I'm dodging education today." "Al, serve up a nice, creamy strawberry jigger." "Oh, i can see you expect the cash first, huh?" "What's a jigger?" "Al:" "Shad, here's stover." "Just came." "Stover, this is the tennessee shad." "Shake." "My boy, i'd gladly give up all my hard-earned wealth to be you, tasting your first jigger." "Al, serve up a nice, creamy double strawberry jigger, on me." "No, i'll pay for us both." "Wouldn't think of it." "I'm not the lowdown sort who'd take advantage of a newcomer." "Mr. And mrs." "Conover's place." "Pancakes and maple syrup on a strictly cash basis." "Mr. Shad, couldn't i buy you some pancakes?" "On a warm day like this?" "Fella named guzzler wilkens ate 26 of those pancakes in one sitting one day about 5 years ago." "That's the official world's record." "26 pancakes?" "That's not so many." "Well, if any boy can eat 32 in one sitting, conover will serve free pancakes to the whole school all that day." "Now, dink, let's see what i can do for you." "Have you got a crockery toilet set for your room?" "Doesn't that come with the room?" "Oh, dink." "Nobody ever uses the one the school furnishes, and especially a ripsnorting sport like you will want a special souvenir toilet set." "You know, dink, sock missoula might sell you one if i put in a good word for you." "Well, there's the school." "That's our chapel." "Next come the circle houses- the cleve, the griswold." "There's the woodhull." "That's the dickinson house, where sock missoula lives." "Next-door's my house, the kennedy." "A wonderful house." "Good crowd." "You know, my boy, it's really too bad you're stuck off there in the green, but just wait till that green house gang sees your souvenir special toilet set." "Every piece different, guaranteed nothing like it in the whole world." "Butsey:" "Hurry up, dink." "Baseball." "Coming!" "Safe!" "Butsey:" "Hey, stover, you're up." "Bang it on the nose." "Don't worry about the pitcher." "He's as wild as a wet hen." "Just get your fast out and hurry." "Dink, here's your chance to square yourself with the house." "On the second pitch, tough mccarty's gonna steal second, so you step into that ball and hit it anywhere!" "Come on." "Knock the whole bat!" "Come on." "Knock it in." "Knock it home." "Let's go, dink." "Smash it!" "Get on base, dink!" "This guy can't pitch, dink!" "Wait him out!" "Don't be afraid of that pitcher." "All right, stover, let's get a piece of that apple!" "Come on, dink." "Get a hit!" "Umpire:" "Ball one!" "Butsey:" "Why didn't you let it hit you?" "You little wimp." "You'd have been on base." "That's as good as a hit." "Come on, stover." "Stand up and hit it." "Come on, nick, old boy." "Chop this guy down." "Shoot a fast one right through him." "Don't be afraid of that pitcher." "Just bang those fast ones." "Remember what we told you." "Spank one, dink!" "Don't forget, dink." "Tough mccarty's on first." "Umpire:" "Strike one!" "Umpire:" "You're out!" "What's the matter with you?" "Why didn't you take a swing at it?" "Go on home to your mother!" "Can't you play ball?" "Doesn't know anything!" "Ah!" "Get under it, stover!" "Catch it, dink." "Easy out." "Green team:" "Aww!" "Get that bum out!" "Let us in, you traitor!" "Let us in!" "Open up, you traitor!" "You quitter, you." "You coward!" "Come on out!" "I'm coming in." "If you lay a hand on me, i'll rip the hide off you." "Keep back!" "Put that bat down, do you hear me?" "Don't you come through." "I'm coming through, and you don't" "you're a coward." "You're not worth wasting my time on." "Just wait till i catch you alone!" "Personally, i'll get you tomorrow for this." "Butsey:" "Come on, open up." "You're safe." "Butsey:" "You're a fine specimen." "Why didn't you let them in?" "Let them in?" "Why not?" "What do you think they'd have done to you?" "Gee, i never thought of that." "Rats!" "They might have tied you down on the bed." "Nothing but a little easy mussing up." "That's all you'd have got." "Then it would have been over with." "Now you got to square yourself." "Mr. White, i bought something wonderful for the room." "What?" "Turn your back, and i'll open it." "Mist- mist- mist- mr." "White, look." "Oh, no!" "Oh, take it away!" "Take it away!" "Take it away!" "Cover it up!" "The souvenir special." "So shad and sock missoula got you." "Why, nobody's fallen for that old gag in 10 years." "You certainly are the prize sucker of all time." "I guess they put one over on me, but you wait till i get them." "What you got to worry about is the angel and the canary getting you... alone." "Here you are-latin." "This is the old roman- the one nasty you want to stand in with." "And remember, the old roman's a bug on syntax, especially the gerund and the gerundive." "Boy:" "Hey, the teacher!" "The teacher!" "Well, gentlemen... splendid spring weather." "Shall we have a few moments' indulgence on such delicate matters as syntax?" "Mr. Channing." "Page 63." "First line, third word." "Gerund or gerundive?" "Gerund, sir." "Too bad." "Too bad." "Third line, fifth word." "Gerund or gerundive?" "Gerun... dive." "Poor channing didn't stick to his system." "I meant gerund." "Positive?" "Absolutely, sir." "It's the gerund." "It was the gerundive, channing." "No feeling of confidence today?" "Well, has anyone done the advanced translation?" "Don't all rise at once." "It's the spring weather." "Too sunny." "Everyone exhausted." "Let's start alphabetically." "The as." "Let's see." "Adams." "Denton." "Beekstein." "No, uh, baxter." "The ss?" "Sergeant." "Not prepared?" "I thought so." "Ah, who is this in the ss?" "A new delegate to this congress of scintillating intelligence?" "Yes, sir." "What is the name?" "John humperdink stover." "Hmm?" "John humperdink stover." "Ah, yes." "Stover." "Yes." "The name is familiar." "Haven't we met before?" "Well, stover, come a little nearer." "A little embarrassed, stover?" "Dear me, i shouldn't have thought that of you." "There, there." "Just a little joke between us two." "Just a little confidential joke." "Now, of course, this should be a splendid opportunity for stover to give us a beautiful translation of julius caesar." "Please, sir - of course, stover." "No requirements for your first day in class, of course." "You may sit down." "Gentlemen, we have another minute." "I have, in the course of my experience as a teacher, had to deal with imbeciles." "Had to deal with near idiots." "But for sheer monumental asininity, i have never met the equal of this aggregation." "You may go." "Butsey:" "Hey." "Hey, dink." "What's this confidential joke business between you and the old roman?" "I can't tell you, butsey." "It involves a woman's good name, but he'll be my deadly unforgiving enemy as long as i'm in lawrenceville." "Fifth line, fourth word." "Gerund." "Why?" "Must i give you a definition?" "What's that?" "It's the white mountain canary chasing dink stover again." "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Get up, you big sissy." "Here comes dink again." "Who's after him this time?" "This time, it's the coffee colored angel chasing him." "I'll be darned!" "No." "Yes!" "Darned if it isn't dink chasing the angel." "The dink!" "Well, i'll be jig-swiggered!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "The white mountain canary." "Chopped to pieces." "Kicked by a horse." "Cheyenne:" "Canary, what hit you?" "Dink." "I caught him." "Hey, look!" "So you thought i was afraid." "You thought i was a coward." "Well, i'll show you if i'm afraid of you... any of you... you big bullies!" "Tough!" "Cheyenne:" "Break it up." "Break it up." "Come on." "Poler:" "Keep him away." "Let's act like gentlemen, tough." "John:" "Come on." "Get off." "Cheyenne:" "As president of the sporting club- an organization devoted to the scientific healing of animosities- i announce that this matter will be settled between you as gentlemen." "Gentlemen." "Who'll be dink's second?" "Go on, any of you." "I'll be his second." "He licked me square." "I don't want any second." "Look, dink." "Tough doesn't want to fight you now." "He'll give you a fight anytime you want... when you're fresh." "I don't want to wait." "I just want to get at him." ", poler:" "What length rounds do you want?" "I don't want any rounds!" "I want to fight him!" "You have to go through with it, tough." "Don't hurt the little varmint any more than you have to." "Go." "Confound this little lunatic." "I can't stand here getting pounded all day." "I'll have to hit him!" "Coming to?" "Put her here, dink." "You're dead game." "I won't shake hands with you or with any of you." "I hate you all!" "As for you, tough mccarty, i'll fight you again now, or i'll fight you again tomorrow, and i'll fight you until i lick you, you big bully." "As president of the green house, stover, i'm giving you your last chance." "Apologize to tough mccarty like a man." "I won't." "Then, stover, i'm placing you on a ban of excommunication." "From this moment on, you're being put in coventry." "Nobody will speak to you." "Nobody will notice your existence." "Go ahead and see if i care, you gang of muckers." "Funny." "Thought i heard a strange voice." "Guess not." "Yes, butsey." "Something did sound like a strange voice, but it couldn't be." "There's nobody here but us." "Oh, stover." "Why did you cut your classes this entire last week?" "You had my various messages, of course, that i wanted to see you." "I don't want to see anybody." "Stover, i pity you." "Going back to that lonely empty home of yours." "Huh?" "A home with only the tragic memory of a mother who died at sea and a father who no one talks about." "Any place would be better than this, where a boy don't get a square deal." "Listen." "I'm not coming back to lawrenceville in the fall." "I'm going to reform school, where i'll meet a better class of people." "Hello, john." "Hello, tootsie." "You idiotic boy." "Why didn't you telegraph when you're arriving?" "What's the use?" "I'm here." "Who let you put your hair up on top of your head?" "I'm nearly 15." "Oh, come on." "John, i'm awful glad to see you." "Honest." "Let's stop fighting this summer." "All right, tootsie, but see that you don't begin on me." "I won't." "I suppose you're hard-up." "Here." "Does $5.00 help any?" "What trouble you want me to get you out of?" "Nothing at all, you funny kid." "How was lawrenceville?" "Where's dad and mom?" "I've got something to tell them right away." "They're on the beach." "Sambo:" "Well, you young rascal." "Hello, sam bones." "Pretty strong suit of clothes, bub." "Ah, but never mind." "I've worn worse when i was your age." "Hey, anything left in this month's allowance?" "7 cents." "Could you use this ten-spot?" "Gee, sam bones." "All right." "All right." "What's the use of having an older brother if he can't do you some good?" "Hey, how was lawrenceville?" "Quite a school, huh?" "Sambo:" "I didn't think you'd last a week." "Maude:" "Johnny!" "Samuel:" "Maude, he's too old to be called johnny." "John, how are you, my boy?" "John, i know what traveling is, but, really, your clothes." "Oh, come now, maude." "Let the boy be himself." "If he wants to dress that way, it's his affair." "Now, you've got all summer to relax and have a good time." "I'm not gonna mention school until next september." "Oh, tootsie said you had something on your mind." "I know." "Take this $20." "When you go back to lawrenceville, i'm gonna raise your allowance." "Thanks, dad, and we won't mention school all summer." "Right." "Come on, maude." "Let's get on those bathing suits." "John:" "Sundays." "My aunt's cat's pants." "Sundays." "No tennis." "No baseball." "No fishing." "Boy:" "No picnics." "Well, since we're all dressed up, why don't we call on girls?" "Girls!" "Puffy, what's gotten into you?" "Say, i got an idea." "It's a wonderful gag i learned up in lawrenceville." "Now, first, we pick out the girl here at the beach that we don't like the most." "All:" "Connie brown." "John:" "Connie brown." "Miss connie." "Miss connie, a gentleman is calling on you." "Wouldn't give his name." "Show him right in." "Miss brown, i am john h." "Stover." "I've come to call." "I'm-i'm delighted, mr." "Stover." "Won't you sit down?" "Thank you." "I will." "I trust your mother and father are well?" "They're fine." "And your sister?" "Oh, she's fine, too." "Have you seen miss maude adams in her new play this season?" "I have." "I like maude adams." "Maid:" "Miss connie." "There's another gentleman calling on you." "He wouldn't give his name." "Oh, show him in." "Miss brown, i am fred maither." "I have come to call." "I'm so glad." "Won't you sit down?" "Thank you." "I will." "Miss brown, i trust your mother and father are well?" "They're- they're fine." "And your sister?" "Oh, yes." "She's fine." "Have you seen miss maude adams in her new play this season?" "Why... yes." "I have." "I like maude adams." "Maid:" "Miss connie." "There's another gentleman." "Show- show him in." "Miss brown, i am harvey broker." "I have come to call." "Won't you sit down?" "Thank you." "I trust your mother and father are well?" "L- oh, yes." "They're- they're fine." "Maid:" "Miss connie." "I like maude adams." "I like maude adams." "I like maude adams." "I like maude adams." "I like maude adams." "I like maude adams." "Maid:" "Shall i show this one in, too?" "Miss brown, i am edward ellis." "I have come to call." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "She was prancing like a horse." "Did you see her eyes?" "Stover, that's the greatest idea since the invention of the safety pin." "Let's get out of here before her folks come home." "We'll play it on a different girl every sunday." "Won't connie tip off the other girls?" "Don't you know anything about women?" "Who we play it on next sunday?" "Next sunday, my cousin emily, please!" "I can't stand her." "Watch that" "i saw maude adams 5 times." "I saw maude adams 5 times." "I saw maude adams 5 times." "I saw maude adams 5 times." "I saw maude adams 5 times." "I saw maude adams 5 times." "Ohh." "Boy:" "Oh, boy, did she go down!" "Miss dolly." "There's a young gentleman who wants to see you." "He won't give his name." "Show him right in." "Miss travers, i am john h." "Stover." "I have come to call." "Of course, mr." "Stover." "Nice of you." "Won't you sit down?" "How did you like lawrenceville?" "I trust your mother and father are well?" "Oh, they're splendid." "Isn't lawrenceville a wonderful school?" "I went to the lawrenceville prom last spring." "And your sister?" "Perfectly grand." "But the boys at lawrenceville." "The tennessee shad is the best dancer i ever met." "And george mccarty." "Tough mccarty?" "He really is tough, but in the nicest way, of course." "That's why he's going to be captain of the kennedy house football team this fall." "My hero." "Never mind, margaret." "Boys, which would you rather do?" "Come in one at a time and play your little joke or all come in at once and have ice cream and chocolate cake?" "Bartlett, bring it on." "Dolly:" "Too bad tough mccarty isn't here." "He likes ice cream." "All flavors." "Well, excuse me." "Dolly:" "Gentlemen, help yourselves." "Man:" "Well, see you next summer, mrs." "Stover." "Mom?" "When's dad coming back from the village?" "I got to see him." "Oh, any time, john." "Sambo:" "Anything i can do for you, mother?" "Maude:" "No, no, dear." "Don't bother me." "Sambo:" "Well, kid." "The summer's over." "You'll be back at lawrenceville tomorrow." "How do you feel about it now?" "Good?" "Go away, sam bones." "Dad and i had a little confab about you and the school." "I got something to say to dad about that, too." "Now-now, wait a minute, kid." "I heard something about what you went through at lawrenceville." "Oh, you did, did you?" "It's a great school, kid, but after all, you're my brother, and, well, maybe the going was too rough for you." "Maybe the boys gave you too hard a ride." "Some of those boys are a lot bigger than you are, and some of them are tougher, too." "I know." "So, kid, if- well, if you don't want to go back to lawrenceville, i can guarantee to make dad understand." "Sam bones, i'm going back to lawrenceville for" "for one reason:" "To beat the stuffings out of a guy by the name of tough mccarty." "Hey, now, wait a minute, kid." "That's not the right spirit." "If you go back like that, you'll get into more trouble than you did before." "You bet your life i will." "Hello." "Welcome to the kennedy house." "Hello." "You're mr." "Stover, aren't you?" "Yeah." "Mr. Hopkins said be sure and see him soon as you come in." "Mr. Hopkins?" "Yes, the old roman." "He's the housemaster here, you know." "Oh, well, i thought you weren't coming back to lawrenceville." "It is stover, isn't it?" "John humperdink stover?" "Yes... sir." "Oh." "Well, it must be our food you prefer to that at reform school- our hot dogs, our pancakes." "It's the jiggers." "I like jiggers." "Stover, i'm very pleased to have you here at the kennedy house." "Well, sure you are." "You arranged it that way." "I propose to pay special attention to your-your gerunds and gerundives." "Do you know with whom you're rooming this term?" "Tough mccarty?" "Dear me, no." "Mccarty rooms alone." "I am putting you in with the tennessee shad, second floor, front." "Is that all, sir?" "For the moment... john." "If it isn't the rinky-dink himself." "Well, here we are again, dink." "Same old grind, same old slaves, nothing fit to eat, stuck in the old mud hole." "Hello." "I'll take a walk around for an hour and let you get unpacked." "I don't want to get in your way." "Hey, wait a minute." "Bup-bup-bup." "I'll take that." "Thanks." "You're the fella down at the green last year, tried to fight the whole school." "Look here, youngster." "My name is joshua montgomery smeed, but they call me "the great big man."" "Great big man?" "You look a little embarrassed." "That's because i'm trying to be impressive." "Mr. Stover, you're going to get in wrong again." "What in thunder- you are, mr." "Stover." "You are." "You can't forget what everybody else has forgotten." "Forget what?" "What happened last term." "The-the unpleasantness." "You've still got it on your mind." "You're brooding over it." "I like your nerve." "Everybody else has forgotten it." "It never happened." "You're one of us now, but you can't be one of us if you don't want to be one of us." "You make an awful lot of noise, great big man." "How did you happen to come to a school like this?" "On account of my being an orphan, and my father went to yale with the old roman." "I'm very intelligent for my age, but outside of that, i'm just a total loss for the house." "Sorry for the way i acted a couple of minutes ago." "That's better, dink." "And about that crockery set- i guess i had it coming to me." "Dink, you and i will slip it over on somebody else." "All you got to remember, dink, is that you're on the inside now- with everybody." "Everybody except tough mccarty." "Oh, dink, tough isn't a bad guy." "He won't- tough and i are gonna fight it out when the right time comes." "Tough knows it, and i know it." "Well, dink, if it's a feud, then that's your private affair with tough." "Hopkins:" "Well aware, gentlemen, that this first two weeks of school has been the hardest, i trust my despairing change of policy will bear fruit from now on." "Uh, to the blackboard, mccarty, so that the object lesson be more apparent." "Mccarty, what easy, graceful gesture did i last week promise this mass of mediocrity?" "We were each to make our own selection of any 200 words to translate, sir." "Well, mccarty, it's time to put your classmates to shame." "Ahem." "I chose the part beginning... when they arrived at the spot, caesar began his speech by relating the benefits conferred upon ariovistus by himself and by the senate." "The senate had called him king and friend and had sent gifts- with a- a m-a most, uh, lavish hand." "This privilege was usually granted in consideration of" "of, uh- of, uh" "of, uh- of the senate and, with no just cause of claim, had obtained the rewards in question by the favor and generosity of caesar and of the senate." "He- splendid, mccarty." "We'll excuse you." "Hopkins:" "I only wanted to show the others what's possible to a reasonably normal intelligence." "Stover, such rapt attention deserves reward." "Translate your oral selection for us, please." "Please, mr." "Hopkins, i chose the exactly same passage." "Isn't that extraordinary, now?" "Well, stover, try and lend it a new charm." "Ahem." "What's wrong, stover?" "Haven't translated?" "Oh, yes, sir." "What's the matter, then?" "Well, sir, i'm afraid the unusual circumstances have made me a little embarrassed." "Well, stover, embarrassment is something you must learn to overcome." "I will, sir." "I'll try, sir, but i don't think the conditions are favorable." "I don't think this is quite regular, sir." "I've always taken interest in my studies, and i don't see why i should be made to sacrifice a good mark." "Nevertheless, stover, i shall allow you to recite." "Then, sir, i have nothing to say except... not prepared." "I am not unprepared, stover." "I do have something to say." "Remain after class and hear it." "Hopkins:" "Stover, this morning, i noted your name among those volunteering to come out for the kennedy house football team." "May i remind you that it can be my privilege to forbid all athletic activities to any student whose scholastic standing is unsatisfactory?" "Is that all, sir?" "That's all." "Except, stover, i presume you know that mccarty is the captain of the kennedy team." "You bet i know." "But perhaps you don't know that this year, i myself will coach the kennedy team, and, speaking purely as the coach, i am suffused with curiosity as to whether or not we shall see you on the football field next saturday." "Man:" "Hike." "Hopkins:" "All right, line up there." "Youngster, i promised your father not to let you play football until you were 18." "However, i'm going to give you a very important responsibility, to revive and restore such of our kennedy house gladiators as may temporarily succumb to the enemy's onslaught." "Here." "Over there with the team." "Hopkins:" "Ah, you, smith, you, catlett, you, jordan- over there with the team." "Now the rest of you will be the scrub." "Line up there in the midfield." "Not you, stover." "Stover, how much do you weigh?" "145, about." "About 105." "How much football have you played?" "I haven't played any." "I'll assign you to help with the water bucket." "I won't do it." "You can't play football on nothing but nerve." "You can if you got enough of it." "I know i'm not heavy enough to play on the house team, but you can always use another guy on the scrub to take the banging around." "Give me a chance, won't you?" "I told you to help out with the water bucket, didn't i?" "Well, i've changed my mind." "Get over there with the scrubs... for today, anyway." "Jones, mccully... very good." "Your turn, stover." "Mccarty, here's a fellow who thinks all you need in this game is nerve." "Let's see what he's got." "Let go!" "Let go!" "Here, stover." "Stover, it's all over." "Let go!" "Missed him the first time." "Give me another chance." "I'll get him." "Want to take it again, mccarty?" "Oh, of course, sir." "This is a real pleasure." "Stover, if you had any sense at all, you'd know that when you tackle a bigger man, you've got to hit him harder then he hits you." "That's enough for today, stover." "The fact is, we're so short of good material, i may have to keep you on the scrub." "Off the field." "Boys: * hear of this pleasant twilight hour * * when all our tasks are o'er * * we gather on memorial steps * * to sing our songs once more * * we're glorious men and our name is fair... *" "ah, dink, i know it's too bad you're a little light for the house team, but next year- i wouldn't play on the house team if i weighed 200 pounds!" "The scrub for me, where now and then it's legal to take a crack at tough mccarty." "Well, then, you'd better get to work on the gerund and the gerundive, or the old roman's gonna throw you right off the scrub and back into private life." "I'll have that all worked out tomorrow." "I have an important appointment with that intimate expert on latin, the great big man." "John:" "How'd you like to help me put something over on the old roman?" "Would it be something completely ethical and above board?" "Otherwise, I- i'm sorry, but i don't think i'd care to." "Look, great big man, let's go back and have that double jigger, and i'll tell you the whole story." "No." "L-i don't want a double jigger." "You see, i just had 5 double jiggers, and i'm still hungry, but i haven't got any more money." "You just had 5 double jiggers?" "One day, i ate 5 double jiggers and 14 doughnuts, and i was still hungry." "Listen." "How'd you like to go down in history?" "How'd you like to leave a mark on this school that would bring honor to the name of-of- joshua montgomery smeed." "I'd like that very much." "Listen." "With your brains, you could do something important for me, but first, with my brains and your appetite, i could do something very important for you." "Conover:" "Oh." "Oh, welcome, boys." "Welcome." "John:" "Mr. Conover, we're going after the pancake record." "Well, where's your eating champion?" "Well, i was expecting something about the size of a buffalo." "If this little boy can eat 32 pancakes, i'll make them all day free for the whole school." "First, where's my money, in case you lose?" "Ah, wait a minute, conover." "You know, if we win, i get my watch back." "If you win." "Start out with 6 pancakes." "John:" "Look, big man." ""Guzzler wilkins." "March 1891."" "26 pancakes." "Remember, big man, you're going into battle for the honor of the whole school." "I'm ready." "Shad, watch the pancakes." "Watch the dimensions carefully." "Regulation size, you know." "Shad:" "I guarantee that everything will be fair and above board." "6 pancakes coming up." "6 it is!" "Not so fast, smeed." "Take your time." "They're a little too hot." "Shad, they're too hot." "Guard the temperature as well as the dimension. 6 more!" "Shad: 6 it is!" "John: 6 and 6 are 12." "This boy is starving." "Sure, he is." "He's eating way back into last week." "He hasn't been allowed a morsel for 10 days." "6 more coming up!" "24 and 6 make 30!" "Conover: 30 pancakes are an awful lot." "The danger is- angel:" "Aw, shut up, conover." "Butsey:" "Don't listen to him, big man." "Canary:" "He's only trying to get you nervous." "Gee, what a man." "Where does he put it?" "I'm a little dry." "Cheyenne:" "Give him some water." "Angel:" "Water, you fools." "Butsey:" "Water will swell up the pancakes." "Shad:" "No water." "John:" "Quiet!" "What is it, big man?" "I'm all right, but i'd like just a drop of syrup now." "Shad:" "I'll get him his syrup!" "Conover:" "No." "No." "No syrup." "No more hot cakes." "I don't want him to die on my hands." "Remember, guzzler wilkins collapsed, and we had to work over him for an hour." "John:" "Shut up, conover." "That's an old gig." "Get out!" "Let's try 6 more." "Wait a minute." "You only need two more." "That makes the 32." "If i say i can eat 6, i can eat 6." "John:" "6 more, shad." "Shad: 6 more coming up." "6 and 30 makes 36." "36 pancakes?" "3 more." "Shad: 3 more coming up." "John: 36 and 3 make 39!" "You go ahead and make a great record." "John: 42 and 3 make 45." "Look, big man." "Don't get rash." "I'll stop when i'm ready to stop." "Bring more now, one at a time!" "49 and 1 make 50!" "Holy cats!" "That's all." "John: 49 pancakes!" "49 pancakes!" "John:" "Quiet!" "Quiet, everybody!" "Quiet!" "The winner and the new world's champion wishes to say something." "If i've done something for the school, could i now please have a... nice nickname?" "I don't like being called "the great big man."" "Of course you can have a nickname!" "I got- i hereby christen you "hungry smeed."" "Hungry smeed!" "Shad:" "Hooray!" "Shad:" "Pancakes, pancakes!" "All:" "We want pancakes!" "Pancakes, pancakes!" "We want pancakes!" "Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes!" "We want pancakes!" "John:" "Free pancakes!" "Free pancakes for the whole school!" "Free pancakes!" "Free pancakes!" "Hopkins:" "Gentlemen, we played two games so far this season, and frankly, the kennedy house is ashamed of us." "You're not together." "You're not playing like a team." "Private grudges, personal rivalries, disastrous morale." "Now, next week, we're playing our traditional rivals, the dickinson house." "Oh, i don't expect you to beat dickinson, but we're gonna make our house cheer for us again." "We're going to show that if we can't win, we can go down fighting, beaten in points, but undefeated in spirit." "All right." "Line up." "Stover... i'm moving you to right tackle on the scrub today." "See if you can raise some spirit in the house left tackle." "Left tackle?" "Why, that's tough mccarty!" "Red, give the ball to the scrub." "Let's see if you got any nerve today, mccarty." "Stover, ordinarily, i'm a nice, social guy, but today, i'm gonna squash you like a fly." "Aah!" "Get off the field." "Jones, get over here." "Stover, do you know why i took you out?" "For slugging." "Oh, no, not at all." "I took you out because you forgot you were playing football." "You think you're only here to indulge a personal enmity." "I got mad." "Well, it's all right to get mad in a football game." "Get mad." "Get fighting mad, but get cold mad." "Don't lose your temper." "Know what you're doing." "Now get back on the field, although this is probably your last game of football, all depending upon your performance in the classroom tomorrow." "Hopkins:" "It must be the weather... the cool autumn weather." "But despite the thermal handicaps, could i hope to find at least one man who'll risk his destiny in a tussle with the tantalizing twins of syntax, the gerund and the gerundive?" "John:" "I'd be willing to try, sir." "My marks haven't been very high lately, and, well, i'd like to improve them." "Ah, the ginger boy- stover." "Inspired, no doubt, by his temporary football success... on the kennedy house scrub, of course." "Well, stover, third line, third word- gerund or gerundive?" "Gerundive." "Is it possible?" "Do miracles still happen?" "Fifth line, eighth word- gerund or gerundive?" "Gerundive, sir." "Very fortunate." "Next line, second word- gerund or gerundive?" "Ahem." "A gerund, sir." "Hmm." "Dear me." "Uh, bring your book to the desk, stover." "Ahem." "Hmm." "Everything proper." "No illegal markings." "Apologies, stover." "Profuse ones." "I'm quite upset." "Now, stover." "One more such success, and i'll give you a perfect mark for the next week- a highly unlikely prospect." "Fifth line, third word." "Gerund or gerundive, stover?" "John:" "Gerundive, sir." "Oh." "Well, dink, the old roman had circles under his eyes." "He won't sleep tonight." "Well, he's been dying to flunk me out of football, but at last i got him buffaloed." "Hopkins:" "Having in mind the extraordinary performance last week by mr." "Stover, i venture a suspicion- a complimentary suspicion- that requires him to recite again." "Stover, if you please." "Fifth chapter, first line, fourth word." "Gerund or gerundive?" "You hesitate, stover?" "Your erstwhile erudition was merely a flash in the pan?" "Too bad." "I should regret removing you from football glory, even on the house scrub, the very day before the dickinson game." "Quite disgraceful, eh, stover?" "Gerundive." "Quite right." "By mere chance, of course." "Same chapter, fourth line, third word." "Gerund... dive!" "Have i lived to see it?" "Next page." "Fourth line, fifth word." "Gerund." "What?" "Forgive my astonishment." "You think you can keep this up, stover?" "I'll try, sir." "A miracle has come to pass." "Sit down, stover." "Obviously, the gerund and gerundive- the scylla and charibdes of prosody- have no longer any terrors for you." "A sudden change in the weather, no doubt." "Hey, dink." "What i want to know was, how did you do it with hungry smeed absent from class?" "Shad, i've spent so much time rehearsing with hungry smeed that i've learned the gerund and the gerundive." "Referee:" "Dickinson's ball on their own 25-yard line." "First down, 5 yards to go." "Boy:" "Get ready." "22, 27, 38." "Referee:" "All right." "Pileup." "Dickinson's ball on their own 33." "First down, 5 yards to go." "Boy:" "Get set. 38, 42." "Referee:" "First down, 5 yards to go." "Boy:" "Get set. 38, 42, 27." "Broken." "Who are you going to put in now, sir?" "Stover." "Stover?" "Well, first, he's a fighter, and your team isn't fighting." "Second, i believe the boy has a genuine instinct for football." "I hope you're right, sir." "Stover." "Stover, i'm going to put you in at left end next half." "You're not- you're not gonna put me in." "What's the matter?" "Getting scared?" "Oh, no, sir." "It just seems awful you haven't got anybody better than me to put in." "You're going to be better than you know how." "Stover, there are all sorts of things you can do now." "You can charge in like a bull and kill yourself off in 10 minutes." "That won't do." "Or you can go in for grandstand plays and be carried off the field." "Now, that won't do either." "Now, you've got to stay in the game and help us keep dickinson from scoring again." "Understand?" "Yes, sir." "Say, stover." "You and i have formed up a sort of a feud, haven't we?" "We have." "Let's forget about it, just for this game, huh?" "All right." "Of course, we're still gonna fight it out when the time comes." "You bet your life we are." "Referee:" "All right." "All right." "Break it up." "Let's go." "Dickinson's ball on their own 42." "First down, 5 yards to go." "Get set." "48, 42, 36." "Referee:" "Dickinson's ball on the kennedy's 40." "Second down, 2 yards to go." "Get set." "That back." "He's a tough one." "You take him low." "I'll take him high." "32, 36." "Referee:" "Dickinson's ball on the kennedy 30-yard line." "Third down, 6 inches to go." "Tough, this time, let me see if i can open it up." "See if you can get through." "Boy:" "Get ready." "22, 27." "Uh!" "Uh, what's the matter?" "What's the matter?" "What's the- just a little wind knocked out." "That's all, kid." "All right." "Referee:" "Dickinson's ball on the kennedy 22." "First down, 5 yards to go." "Boy:" "Get set. 42, 48." "Come on now." "Come on!" "Let's go, fellas." "Let's hold them." "Come on now." "How much more time, tough?" "One minute more." "We'll hold them now." "We're all fighting." "Referee:" "Dickinson's ball on the kennedy 16-yard line." "First down, 5 yards to go." "Boy:" "Get set. 48, 52, 36." "You can last, can't you, dink?" "You bet i can, tough." "Let's hold them, dink, old boy." "They mustn't score." "They won't." "Referee:" "Dickinson's ball on the kennedy 8." "First down, 5 yards to go." "Boy:" "Get set." "38, 42, 27." "Referee:" "Dickinson's ball on the kennedy one-foot line." "First down, goal to go." "Tough, hold them." "Hold them, tough." "Boy:" "Get set." "48, 52, 36." "They didn't make it!" "They didn't make it!" "Boy:" "We got it!" "Tough:" "Come on, fellas." "Let's give them a cheer." "Together: 1, 2, 3... dickinson!" "Rah rah rah!" "Dickinson!" "Yay!" "* now evening with twilight has fallen * * and the birds to their nests are all gone * * we gather around in the gloaming * * and raise up our voices in song * tough:" "Who's that?" "It's me- dink stover." "I came down here... well, just to feel how i felt again." "So did i." "You know, tough, they tell me we held them 4 times inside the 10-yard line." "4 times, old boy." "It's funny." "I don't remember but two." "Guess i was groggy." "You didn't act like it." "Well, i was, though." "You pulled me through." "Oh, rats." "No, you did." "How many of us tackled that fellow on the last play?" "The whole bunch." "Hey, dink." "Let's get down." "You know, like we did on those last plays." "Grr!" "Grr." "Uh!" "You can last, can't you, dink?" "You bet i can, tough." "Grr!" "Hic!" "Uh." "Tough, hold them." "Hold them, tough." "Grr!" "Grr." "Uh!" "Tough, i guess there won't be any fight between you and me now." "No." "Not now." "What did we get a grudge for, anyway?" "I don't know." "I always liked you, dink, but you wouldn't have it." "I was a mean little varmint." "It's a wonderful school, tough." "You bet it is." "Say, dink." "Next year, you and i will be whipping the new little varmints into shape ourselves." "I'm going to see that all the kids in my house walk a chalk line." "Boys: *... with all our hearts and souls *" "not basking in the plaudits of the house, gentlemen?" "Not posing heroic in the dazzling limelight of fame?" "Such modesty astounds me." "Stover, could you descend from olympus a moment and indulge me?" "Wait for me up in the room, tough." "I'll only be a couple of seconds." "Stover... i have some disagreeable news." "As your housemaster, in my hands have been placed the immediate fate of your career at this institution." "There has been an official complaint from the headmaster about your academic standings." "That must please you, sir." "You've been my enemy ever since that first day when... if i remember rightly, i referred to you as "old cocky wax."" "I recall, stover." "Unfortunately for you, therefore, the head of this institution has asked me to decide whether or not you remain within our present confines." "Go ahead, mr." "Hopkins." "Have me fired." "You've made up your mind, too, so fire me." "Oh, no, stover." "You shall make up my mind." "At 8:00 tomorrow evening, here in this room, i shall give you a special examination." "A written examination." "That wouldn't include, of course, any gerunds or gerundives." "Oh, dear me." "No." "Selected translation passages from those past classes- when you were unprepared." "All i can say is i have no other alternative than to bow before your tyranny." "What happened, dink?" "Just when everything's working out all right, the old roman's gonna wreck my career at lawrenceville." "Oh, no." "He can't do that now." "We'll stop- it's no use." "He's been after me, and now he's got me." "No, he hasn't." "Wait." "I'll get the shad." "We'll form a committee." "Don't you move from that spot till i get back here with the riot squad." "The senate... had named- had called!" "A different thing entirely." "Had called... him king and friend." "Oh, what's the use, hungry?" "I can't catch up on 6 weeks' lessons in 24 hours." "Shad:" "How's it going, folks?" "It isn't going." "I feared so." "Gentlemen, we come not to take your money, but to do you good." "Tough:" "Listen, dink." "At 8:00 tonight, you're going into that examination practically padded with little pieces of paper covered with the right word." "Tut-tut." "Mccarty, such crude language." "Mr. Stover." "You know the big water cooler in the hall?" "We'll wait until you're in the roman's study long enough to read the assignment he gives you." "What will happen then, dink, will give you a chance to refresh your memory." "And if you haven't brought the right answers with you, hungry smeed, the midget thinking machine here, will be outside the window." "All right." "Now, dink." "You enter the old roman's study with dignity and self-possession." "Blithely, you take from his hand the paper containing the dreaded latin mysteries." "You study it... nonchalantly." "Then you hear a crash." "The old roman runs from his study in hysterical haste." "Quick, smeed." "Try him out." "What's the first exposition written?" "Here." "Suppose it's "the campaign against ariovistus."" ""Caesar crosses rhine."" "Oh, no." "That's "destruction of the gauls."" "Here's "caesar crosses the rhine."" ""Victory of the romans in the naval engagement."" "That's one of the old buzzard's prime pets." "Next to my heart." "Hey, it's one minute to 8:00." "We don't want to whip him into a rage by being late." "Good evening, john." "Sit here." "I sincerely hope you're able to translate these." "Oh, thank you, sir." "Uh, take your time, john." "Please, mr." "Hopkins." "Could i have the window open?" "I'm a little warm." "I can imagine." "Perspiring to the bone, no doubt." "Thank you, sir." "Well, good luck, john." "I'll leave you alone with your problems." "Hungry:" "Dink." "He's gone out." "We're in clover." "Sure." "He went out, to put me on my honor, so i can't try any funny business." "It's a dirty, low-down trick." "If this isn't the limit, hungry." "All this stuff he gave me, i've been over with you." "I know it all." "If i translate it now with him out of the room, the old rhinoceros will think i cribbed it." "Tut." "The last straw." "Honor is involved." "Go away, hungry." "Leave me alone." "All right, stover." "All through?" "Hand me your paper." "Well, john." "I think this will just about keep you in lawrenceville." "Tough, i didn't write down one line, and still he told me i'd stay in school." "My aunt's cat's pants." "Guess i've been all wrong about him." "How so?" "Well, if the old roman hasn't been my deadly enemy, then i'm all mixed up." "Did you talk to him about this?" "No." "I was too confused and- now i don't know how to do it." "Jump right in and tackle him around the knees." "I think i will." "Come in." "Ah, it's you, john." "Yes, sir." "It's me." "Uh." "Come in." "Sit down." "Well, john." "Mr. Hopkins, i've come to have it out with you." "I'm glad you have, john." "Have you really been standing behind me?" "On my side all the time?" "Well, that expresses it, perhaps." "Why, sir, i thought you were down on me, had it in for me from the very first." "From our first meeting?" "Perhaps you didn't credit me with having a sense of humor, john." "Mr. Hopkins, i want to apologize." "Thank you." "What made you stand by me, sir?" "John, this is a truth unwise to publish abroad." "A boy whose energy must explode periodically, often disastrously, he's the one who eventually may become the most worthwhile." "You mean it's not always the one with the highest marks?" "We of the faculty can only paint your memory with facts that are like the writing in the sands." "The real things that are learned are those that you teach us." "Watching as we do the ever-recurrent miracle of humanity- the struggling birth of the man out of the dirtied, hopeless cocoon of the boy." "Now, john." "Let me say this." "You're going to be a leader in this school." "That will be a great responsibility." "The younger boys will all look up to you, copying you." "You'll be setting the standards." "Set manly ones." "I'll try, sir." "And help to straighten out some of the younger fellows." "Yes, sir." "There's little pee-wee norris." "A little serious talk- you know, a word dropped that will keep him out of trouble." "I know what you mean." "I'll try it on him." "Then there's burbecker." "He's just a little fresh." "There's good stuff in him." "And then, john, there's one boy- a bright boy, full of energy, a good mind." "But he needs to be taken in hand with a little kindness." "Who, sir?" "Jiggs belfont." "Jiggs belfont?" "Oh, you're wrong there, sir." "That kid's hopeless." "Nothing would do him any good." "Why, he's a thoroughgoing, out-and-out little varmint." "You mean, sir, uh, like i was?" "Goodness gracious!" "If it isn't lord tom le veerdevere." "Clara, my dear girl, spare me the juvenile humors." "Can this be the grimy little brat i used to have for a brother?" "Tell me, please." "Where's the more mature portion of the family?" "They're out on the" "they're out on the porch." "Thank you, clara." "Clara." "There's a small spot of dirt on your face." "When are you gonna grow up?" "Hello, folks." "Nice to be home." "John." "John!" "Just look at him, samuel." "I'm looking." "I'm seeing things." "Oh, now, mother." "You, too, dad." "Don't act as if i've been away for years." "Sit down." "Tell me how you are." "What are the prospects for a fine summer season?" "Splendid." "Splendid." "It's wonderful seeing you." "Have a cigar." "What am i saying?" "You don't smoke, do you?" "No, dad." "Kid stuff." "Where did you get that sporty necktie?" "Tasty little thing, isn't it, sam bones?" "Well, maude." "I prayed to the good lord, but i never thought my prayers would be answered like this." "Say, jack, are you gonna have a summer here at the beach!" "I never saw such a flock of pretty young girls in all my life." "Girls?" "Frankly, sam bones, girls can be a pain in the neck." "Maude:" "Oh, john, i forgot." "I want you to meet... dolly!" "You remember my son john?" "John." "You remember dolly travers." "No." "I don't think i've ever met miss travers." "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" "Not a bit."