"Hard Times for Dracula" "Please..." "A transfusion." "My embarrassment surrounds me like a spider web" "But I don't want to annoy you with the details of my unfortunate childhood." "With the ominous burden of my grandfather's prestige." "And my desperate attempts to become his successor" "I want to talk you... about the damned castle." "The castle..." "Alright" "Don't yell at me," "I overslept." "I'll be ready in a few minutes" "I'm fed up" "Machiavellianly, I had turned the castle into a business." "Artificial cobwebs, stereophonic wolves's howling and electric robot bats with a battery in their belly, which I commanded from the control room." "Compared to me, Napoleon or Hitler were insects." "And I played with the emotions of the helpless visitors" "If you want an amulet to protect yourself from the vampire, that will cost you 50 cents more." "Go ahead and don't smoke," "Count Dracula has bronchitis." "The castle mortgaged and the electric utility threatening to cut the power off." "And we only owed four months" "The amount of tourists had dropped." "And Archibaldo, my superintendent, was almost hysterical." "But the electric utility got impatient and that was the beginning of the end." "The tax inspector decided to label me as public attraction." "Archibaldo, my superintendent, left me" "Going to work as a model in an orthopedic shop" "My yearn to investigate the mysterious origins of my ancestors led me to violate the Old Book of the Prophecies." "The one who calls on my name to the Lord and Master of Darkness, repeating twice the word Trastroskia, will see fulfilled his most secret desire." "Trastroskia!" "Trastroskia!" "Get out of here..." "Trastroskia!" "Trastroskia!" "Holy vampires!" "Damn thing and these filthy cobwebs." "Everything is dirty." "How disgusting!" "My page!" "What?" "What have you done?" "Stupid moron!" " And take that thing away from me!" " But it's all dirty..." "Trastroskia!" "Trastroskia!" "Tired of humiliations, I withdrew my cape from the pawnshop." "Meanwhile, the filthy employee was watching me stupidly, without recognizing the greatness of my appearance." "Hello comrade." "I guess it's your day off." "I got one hell of a job today." "I'm not your comrade." "I'm Count Dracula." "The union should expel all the namby-pamby bourgeois and feminine hands that repudiate their own comrades." "They betray the union." "You would't get your hands dirty with an industrial stack, but you are able to lick anyone's shoes." "What are you doing?" "!" "Madman!" "We are comrades!" "I'm fed up?" " Fed up, fed up, second-rate star." " And do you call yourself an actor, moron?" "On air, 5 and action." "The TV industry decided to give me a chance advertising a well known toothpaste." "But I was thrown out on the street because the viewers thought I looked like a famous politician." "And they called me Drakinguer" "Moron, idiot!" "Stop." "This not an amusement park nor a circuit to come and play the fool." "Documents." "Bring it here." " You have very bad temper." " Shut up." "And you have decided to ruin my afternoon." " Your occupation is not listed here." " My occupation, vampire." "And in my spare time, sex maniac." "What do you have in there?" "You should at least respect the body you're carrying." " Is that so?" " Fulfill your sacred mission in silence." "You don't understand." "This coffin is my liquor cabinet, it has everything." "I can offer you a drink or maybe you prefer some of these delicious brain sandwichs." "****" " Perhaps do you prefer a good leg... of lamb." " God, that's gross!" "Go away!" " Madman..." " I feel sorry for the people without sense of humor" " Maniac..." " You should see a psychoanalyst" "You are way too serious" "Bye!" "I decided to go to the movie industry to survive." "The pay wasn't bad at all especially when the scenes were risky." "But an unexpected accident destroyed what always was the proud of my ancestors," "one of my beloved fangs." "There was no use in protesting, they had left me alone." " I don't it's necessary..." " You speak too much." "We will kill the nerve and then, a fabulous prosthesis." "An elegant gold fang" "I want mine, glue it to me, I'm not interested in trivialities." "Trivialities?" "Trivialities!" "Go pick it up the fuck away from here!" "That's where this dirty and decalcified fang belongs" "And don't look at me like an idiot." "Cheap bastard!" "Leech!" "Swine!" "I have honorary degrees un fourh universities" "*** Have it glued by a cobbler." "Come here, you prick!" "That loss..." "Destroyed your self-confidence." "Symbolically speaking, it shattered your prestige." "Perhaps, an understanding woman..." "I know what you mean" "She..." "Appeared..." "When I least expected it." "Interrupting my peaceful bachelor vampire loneliness" "1890 reserve wine" "Mature blood." "Bottled especially by my grandfather for the big family events." "What happens!" "It seems that the fang is not the only thing you have to fix." "But I discovered her real intentions, she married me only to get information." "She wrote a best-seller:" "The Tamed Vampire and left me, alleging to the judge, mental cruelty." "I wander aimlessly." "People looked at me surprised, but that didn't matter to me, I was prisoner of haunting images in which Sonia repeated endlessly." "I'd dreamed in having a son, a beautiful child, with little bat wings and sharp fangs." "I even made him a white coffin with my own hands to be his crib." "I recovered from the hard blow and with the spirit riddle with the lack of understading," "I surrended to the amazing world of pop music." " Mentholated?" " No, pot." "You should buy something for those bites, those mosquitoes are fierce." "Morphine, it doesn't matter." "Don't bother" "Here you have for the baking soda." "Cocaine doesn't need water, stupid." "Want some?" "Cocaine..." "Well, it doesn't matter." "Look, I invite you a drink." "A drink?" "Alcohol?" "You may start looking for another place to change your clothes!" "I'm not sharing my dressing room with a pervert." "In life you have to behave!" "Besides, when I'm working I don't drink!" "I had finally reached the pont in which, like a hunting dog," "I would pounce on the first victim to fall between my fangs." "Between your fang." "Ok, ok." "Between my fang." "Taxi" "Come in" "Let's go to the living room." "Don't be bold." "Leave me." "You are amazing, honey." "Wait for me..." "Darling." "I'll be back in a second" "There I would put the body after sucking the last drop of her blood." "What is this?" "!" "I didn't want to fool you, darling" "The truth is that you looked at me in a way..." " Poor bastard!" " You beast!" "I've lost my contact lens because of you." "If only I knew the kind of men I had to face..." "Embarrassed, hidden behind sunglasses like a criminal" "Humiliated by the memory of my failures," "I tried to draw a meticulous plan." "I didn't know that someone was watching me and that soon I would be the protagonist of a series of absurd misunderstandings" "I'm your contact" "Seeee..." "Seeee... what?" "Seeee..." "Enough!" "There's no need of faking anymore, hiding under that ridiculous costume." "Here you have the microfilms and the the the tunnel facilities plan." "Our man will come in a few minutes." "Ask him the password before giving the documents." "The password is "the cat has laid an egg"" "I'm a SIR agent" "These are hard times, the crisis you know, we suck each other blood and don't leave anything to you." "This is a job of loners." "I'd love to stay and chat with you, but I must eliminate a black pacifist leader that is annoying us." "Smog affects vampires too and in the search of lonely places," "I left the city to discover a new environment, pure, naive, like the one of the peasants." "Poor idiot, he was walking in town like a ghost" "A cuckold ghost anyway." "We don't have to worry, he won't be back until tomorrow." "Worry about what?" "He's more ridiculous than this scarecrow." " Come." "We'll make love in your room." " Pig!" "Who do you think I am?" "My double bed is sacred" "Then, I'll pluck you in another place." "Naive peasants..." "Purity, naivety." "As a last resort, typical of a vampire in decline," "I ended in a henhouse." "Celia, come here!" "Come sweetheart." "Nothing will harm you." "Finally I find you." "You miserable wretch, filthy son of a bitch." "Come here, you bastard!" "I'll kill you!" "Dreams." "Tell me about your dreams." "There we will dig up the hidden monster of the subconscious." "And we will face it with the cruelest mirror: the truth." "Those terrible nightmares led me to a well know clinic and inevitably to an electroencephalogram." "The short circuit reached a poor bastard in the corridor, he was the referee who whistled the penalty in the football World Cup's final." "He had survived miraculously, but it was useless." "In my escape from the clinic I entered a dark room," "Without knowing it was the morgue." "Enough, enough!" "This is unbearable, your jealousy is sickening..." " ...atrocious" " Infidelity is atrocious!" "Only a dead guy like this one could close his eyes indifferently." "Why?" "Do you think a disgusting worm like this one could have a woman?" "Call him whatever you want: wretch, cretinous, impotent, cuckold." "But don't you dare to judge so coldly the others feelings, love is not only about outer beauty but also the inner one, something that you seem to forget very often." "No, no, undress him yourself." "He disgusts me." "His heart is now a rock insensitive to pain." "Poor bastard" "His nauseating brain will be entire property of an army of worms." "The entire day handling corpses." "Honestly he looks like shit" "It's time, let's eat." "Wretch, wretch, wretch." "Cretinous, cretinous, cretinous." "Impotent, impotent, impotent, impotent." "Cuckold" "Hey!" "Where are you going?" "Don't let him out." "Stop that guy!" "It's time to free ourselves, to reject vigorously those who disturb our ideals." "We've brought here two live examples of what they vulgarly call seduction." "An archaic system at men's service for centuries." "Look at them." "Judge these stiff and shallow bimbos, at the service of the opposite sex and repudiate them vigorously." "They are mere instruments of pleasure." "Charmless small breasts" "Golden hair, symbol of greed." "Little wild animal movements without the elegance and good taste from our times." "Well said!" "Get out, get out!" "They are the enemies of our sex liberation." "Young man, what are you trying to do?" "Wait a minute young man" "I have to discover who is the one that really has the blood desire." "To extract the truth" "Because..." "It may be fake pride" "The conscious and the subconscious are fighting each other." "One may want to perpetuate himself as a vampire" "The other, perhaps, just want to be a firefighter or sell lottery tickets in the street." "No..." "The idea of the first victim..." "Aroused me." "What are you doing there getting all wet, dumbass." "Who gave you permission to leave your grave?" "Come on, inside, inside." "You guys want me fired." "I buried you and what happens?" "That you go out for a walk." "That's disrespectful for a professional." "I see you haven't realized yet." "My grandfather was Count and during the nights he used to call the wolves with a whistle." "Those were other times, man." "Now the wolves call the girls with a whistle" " It is now time to..." " Oh, Count Fang..." "I see..." "You're right..." " Am I?" " ...and now you have to get ready." "Get ready?" "Since I was a kid I always kept the secret hope to bump into a vampire" "A vampire!" "All the guys I buried were normals and I don't want to day... without confirming if the legend of driving a stake in the heart is true." " Leave me please!" " Don't go." "Don't go!" "Come back!" "I'll make you a buttonhole from which blood will spurt like oil wells." "Come back." "I promise you... a nice burial." "Come back, big toothed." "I'd infiltrated myself in the sauna of the gym female section." "I had inspired my movements in the shower sequence from Psycho." "That movie from my admired Hitchcock" "If Anthony Perkins could do it, why couldn't I?" "I was just waiting for the fat masseuse to disappear a few seconds." "Now it's the time" "Those two naive girls would be my victims." "I know it seems cruel that I demand him to leave his wife and three kids" " Well..." "If you love him there are no other options." " Love?" "Please no." "But I enjoy watching him with problems, desperate, sad and with remorse." "I yell at him and that turns me on." "I'd like to see you" "I've convinced my boyfriend that he must feel pain and pleasure at the same time." "Last time I made him lie down on a bed of nails." "Below me of course." "I'd like to ask you something, darling." "My father is an ass and scolded me with no reason, so now I want to teach him a lesson." "He's an idiot, I can't stand him." "You have to phone my mother and pretend to be a deserted lover." "And you know, lots of tears." "Sadist!" "Degenerate!" "I will teach you how to treat two girls" "At nights, I wander aimlessly." "I took shelter under the umbrella as it could protect me from the outside world." "I suffered from insomnia..." "And in my desperate search of an available victim for my fang," "I began to to have hallucinations." " What are you doing?" " Me?" "Nothing..." "Nothing?" "From what I see you are a sex maniac." "You should be in jail." "Please, come in and have a seat." "As if I were in Houston, I was getting ready to launch" "Seven..." "Six..." "Five..." "Four..." "Three..." "Two..." "One..." "Zero" " More... more..." " Rh positive." "I see you are a masochist." "And you have sweet blood." "I'm diabetic" " Why do you do this?" "Is it love?" " No, I am sweet-toothed." "Let me go!" "Since childhood I suffered some kind of racial discrimination." "In the beginning they accepted me pretending I was like them, but soon they showed their real intentions." "They couldn't hide the horror caused by having a little vampire in the classroom." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "Thanks a lot." "You're very kind." " Adiós." " Adiós." " Don't forget to study." "Get out of here!" "In the castle things weren't any better and my father lost his temper for any reason." "This is very tough." "And with a watch!" "I cannot carve it." "I'll suck up a liter of blood from the neighbour's cow." "But you refuse to feed yourself" "You will never have strong and sharp fangs like your father." "Perhaps the fact of not following your mother advices was a mistake." "The fang decalcified itself." "I see what you are trying to say" "My father died from anemia" "That was the most ignominious stain for our family." "Personally, I haven't done anything to get back our well earn prestige." "I will never be able to fulfill my dream of having my own blood bank." "In front of my astonished eyes, a long line of voluntary donors going to give what I most yearned for." "It made my mouth blood." "Next." "You, come here." "Come on, come on, it's no big deal." "The hunter... captured by his own trap." "Blood... must exert over you a hypnotic effect." "Perhaps the answer is in your ancestors." "As a last resort, I decided to turn to spiritualism." "My grandfather would be able to send me some kind of providential sign from the afterlife, to reveal me important secrets and maybe change the course of my filthy life." "Yes..." "I should catch him..." "I wasn't happy until..." "Until I saw him bleed to death..." "Like a pig." "Here on the table is present one of your descendants" "He needs you." "That's why I've summoned you." "Tell him something, a message, he's your grandson." "What?" "A grandson?" "Which one?" "Because..." "Because they must have been a dozen." "I didn't know the old man was a Casanova." "Shut up or he will leave." "If you're talking about that guy dressed in black, with corpse face, he must be son of my daughter Lucy, who married an undertaker." "Yes..." "Yes..." "She refused to marry Peppone, my lieutenant." "and that bastard, hurt in his pride, joined the rival gang." "That's how I lost control over the best casinos in Las Vegas." " If he is my grandson, he can go to hell." " You must help me understand." "We are confused." "Are you not Dracula I?" "If you insult me that way I'll take my revenge!" "I'm Al Capone!" "That morning a humble old lady approached me to beg." "But suddenly..." "I'm a thief, you idiot." "Forget the alms." "Give me the money!" "And quick, before I put a hole on you." "I watch with sorrow that you have suffered more than what any other man could withstand." "The important thing now is that you explore in your memory carefully, highlighting the bright side, the happy moments." "Happiness..." "The most significant fact from my youth was the student marathon in high school." "We had trained exhaustingly and tenaciously." "My fellow team members were fast and bullied and mocked me during the trainings." "They called me Dracula Superstar" "Take the prize" "Which one of these ridiculous, humiliated, discredited, chased Draculas" "give you the look of a vampire?" " No one, no one, no one." " Calm down, calm down, calm down." "No no, heroes, villains, geniuses, thieves." "Everything is messed up boy, don't despair." "I think deep down you are a romantic." "You are very sentimental, I understand you perfectly." "If I could, I would open a vein to give you some blood." "But I'm weak and old." "You must understand" "that with every day I was looking more like an old umbrella than a vampire." "Morally destroyed, annihilated by my misadventures," "I decided to kill myself." "Resolutely, I climbed the walls of the chief of police house slipping past the night surveillance." "Burglar, burglar!" "Guards, arrest that criminal." "Under a storm with tattered clothes panting and tired I arrived to this place." "Then..." "I only remember murmurs." "Hazy spots around me." "Upon awakening, your understanding has been like a prize to all my sufferings." "All of us want to free our real personality in one way or another." "No one never spoke to me like that." "I would like to thank you somehow, but I don't even know your name, doctor..." "Freud..." "Dr. Freud" "Damn flies, leave me alone." "I will destroy you one by one." "That's right, all of you." "To not reproduce yourselves." "One, two, three" "One, two, three" "Hey Batman, stop the jumping and come to say hello to the Count." " Help me." " Don't you worry my friend, I've already called the cavalry." "I am General Garibaldi" "One, two, three" "Kids." "Shut up!" "I'm real." "I'm Dracula." "Don't you recognize me?" "I'm Dracula!" "I am Dracula!" "This guy think we are idiots." "Dracula with only one fang."