"Dearest," "I feel certain that I am going mad again." "I feel we can't go through another of these terrible times," "and I shan't recover this time." "I begin to hear voices and can't concentrate." "so I am doing what seems to be the best thing to do." "You have given me the greatest possible happiness." "You have been, in every way." "All that anyone could be." "I know that I am spoiling your life and without me, you could work." "And you will." "I know." "You see, I can't even write this properly." "What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my life to you." "You have been entirely patient with me." "And... incredibly good." "Everything has gone from me, but the certainty of your goodness." "I can't go on spoiling your life any longer." "I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been." "Virginia." " Good morning, Doctor." " Mr. Woolf." "No worse, I think." "I see." "The main thing is to keep her where she is." "Keep her calm." "Friday, then." " Good morning, Leonard." " Good morning, Virginia." "How was your sleep?" "Uneventful." " The headaches?" " No." "No headaches." "Doctor seemed pleased." " Tha's all from this morning?" " Yes." "This young man has submitted his manuscript." "I've found three errors of fact" "And two spelling mistakes," "And I'm not yet on page four." "Have you had breakfast?" "Yes." "Liar." "Virginia,is not at my insistence,is your own doctor's." "I'm going to send Nelly up with some fruit and a bun." "Right, lunch, then." "Proper lunch, husband and wife sitting down together, soup pudding and all." "By force, if necessary." "Leonard, I believe I may have a first sentence." "Work, then." "Then you must eat." "Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers" "herself." "Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself." "sally, I think I'll buy the flowers myself." "What?" "What flowers?" "shit, I'd forgotten." "You're never gonna be a big boy if you don't eat your breakfast." "You're gonna be the big brother, i's a very important job." "Happy birthday." " Morning, honey." " Dan..." "Roses, on your own birthday." "You're too much really." "Well, he'll eat it now that you're here." "I's your birthday, you shouldn't be out buying me flowers." "Well, you were still sleeping." "so?" "Well, we decided it would be bette if we let you sleep in a little." "Didn't we?" "Good morning, bug." "You know, you need to rest, Laura." "You're only four months away." "I'm fine." "I'm just tired." "I've been telling him he's gotta eat his breakfast." "Tha's true." "so,is a beautiful day." "What are you two going to be doing with it?" "We've got our plans." "Don't we?" "What plans?" "Well, it wouldn't be much Of a party would it, if I told you every detail in advance?" "Well, I'd better just stop asking questions, then, huh?" "Is that the time?" "I'd better get going." " Have a good day." " You, too." " Happy birthday." " Thank you." "You need to finish your breakfast." "You know, I'm gonna make a cake." "Tha's what I'm gonna do." "I'm gonna make the cake for daddy's birthday." "Mommy, can I help?" "Can I help make the cake?" "Of course you can, sweet pea." "I'm not gonna do anything without you." "No, of course, you have to come." "Of course." "Well, I always wanted you, and everybody involved in the actual ceremony." "I don't know." "Around sixty." "Well, it will." "I'll mean so much..." "The whole occasion." "I's the least I can do to have a nice dinner and say thank you to everybody." "Oh, I take that as a yes." " Oh my God." " Oh, tha's great." "I'm thrilled." " What if nobody comes?" " This is Clarissa Vaughan." "Yes, I am just confirming that you're sending the car to pick me up first." " Hi, Clarissa." " Hi." "Can't talk." "And then we're going over to 679, Hudson... which is at 9th and 14th." "Then you will take me uptown and you will wait for us." "And I'll be over at seven." "Flowers." "What a beautiful morning." "Hi, Clarissa." "How are you?" "I'm having a party." "My friend Richarďs won the Carrouthers." "Well, tha's just terrific." "If I knew what it was." "I's a poetry prize." "For a life's work." "I's the most prestigious." "For a poet,is the best you can do." "Very good. so, what would you like?" "The lilies are perfect." "No, too morbid..." "Hydrangeas, I think." "And... le's just have buckets of roses." "And..." "I think I'm gonna take these with me." "Okay." "Thank you." "I actually tried to read Richarďs novel." "You did?" "Oh, I know." "I's not easy." "It did take him ten years to write." "Maybe it just takes another ten to read." "is you, isn't it?" " What is?" "In the novel?" "Oh, I see." "Yeah." "sort of..." "I mean, in a way." "Richarďs a writer." "He uses things which actually happen." "Yeah." "And, years ago, he and I were students, tha's true, but, then he changes things." "Oh, sure." "I don't mean in a bad way." "I's more like..." "he makes them his own." "A woman's whole life in a single day." "Just one day." "And in that day her whole life." "This is what we need:" "shortening..." "Mrs Dalloway,is you." "Yes,is me!" " Oh,is me." " Come in." "Richard, i's a beautiful morning." "How about we let in a little more light?" "Is it still morning?" " Yes, it is." " Have I died?" "Good morning, my dear." " Any visitors?" " Yes." "Are they still here?" "No, they've gone." " How did they look?" " Today?" "sort of like black fire." "I mean, sort of light and dark at the same time." "There was one a bit like an electrified jellyfish." "They were singing..." "It may have been Greek." "so the ceremony is at five..." "Do you remember?" "And then, the party is right after." "They did bring you breakfast, didn't they?" "What a question." "Of course." "Richard, you did eat it?" "Well, can you see it?" "Is it here?" "Is there any breakfast" " lying around?" " No, I don't see it." "Well then, I must have eaten it, mustn't I?" " I suppose." " Does it matter?" "Of course it matters." "You know what the doctors say." "Have you been skipping pills?" " Clarissa, I can't take this." " Take what?" "Having to be proud and brave in front of everybody." "Oh, honey,is not a performance." "Of course it is." "I got the prize for my performance." "I got the prize for having aids and going nuts and being brave about it." "I actually got the prize for having come through." "I's not true." " For surviving." "is not true." "Oh, you think they would have given it to me if I were healthy?" "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do." "Is it here somewhere?" " What?" " The prize." "I'd like to look at it." "No, you haven't gotten it yet." "is tonight." " Are you sure?" "I remember the ceremony perfectly." "I seem to have fallen out of time." "Richard..." "Richard..." "I's a party I's only a party." "Populated entirely by people who respect and admire you." "small party, is it?" "select party, is it?" "Your friends." "I thought I lost all my friends." "I thought I drove them crazy." "Jesus." ""Oh, Mrs Dalloway, always giving parties to cover the silence." "Richard..." "You won't need to do anything." "All you have to do is appear." "sit on the sofa." "And I will be there." "This is a group of people who want to tell you your work is going to live." "Oh, is it?" "Is my work going to live?" "I can't go through with it, Clarissa." " Why do you say that?" " I can't." "Why?" "8ecause I wanted to be a writer, tha's all." "so?" "I wanted to write about it all." "Everything that happens in a moment." "The way the flowers looked when you carried them in your arms, this towel, how it smells, how it feels, this thread." "All our feelings, yours and mine." "The history of it..." "Who we once were." "Everything in the world." "Everything all mixed up." "Likeis all mixed up now." "And I failed at it." "I failed." "No matter what you start with, it ends up being so much less." "sheer fucking prid and stupidity." "We want everything, don't we?" "I suppose we do." "You kissed me on a beach." "Yeah." "Do you remember... how many years ago?" "Of course I..." "What did you want... then?" "Come closer." "I'm right here." "Come closer would you, please?" "Take my hand." "Would you be angry..." "Would I be angry if you didn't show up at the party?" "Would you be angry if I died?" "If you died?" "Who is this party for?" "What do you mean, who is it for?" "What are you asking?" " What are you trying to say?" " I'm not trying to say anything." "I'm saying" "I think I'm only staying alive to satisfy you." "Well?" "That is what we do." "That is what people do." "They stay alive for each other." "And the doctors told you:" "You don't need to die." "They told you that." "You can" " live like this for years." " Well, exactly." "I don't accept this." "I don't accept what you're saying." "Andis for you to decide, is it?" "How long have you been doing that?" "How many years... coming to the apartment?" "What about your own life?" "What about sally?" "Just wait till I die, then you'll have to think of yourself." "How are you going to like that?" "Richard." "It would be great if you did come to the party." "If you felt well enough to come." "Just to let you know, I am making the crab thing." "Not that I imagine it makes any difference to you." "Of course it makes a difference." "I love the crab thing." "Clarissa!" "Yes?" "I'll be back at three-thirty and I'll help you get dressed." "Wonderful." "Three-thirty." "Wonderful." "I's on this day, this day of all days," "her fate becomes clear to her." "Excuse me, Mrs Woolf," "Mr Woolf said I was to come and speak with you." "I've nearly finished, Nelly." "Please attend me in the kitchen, I'll be down very soon." "she says she wants something, then it turns out she doesn't." "Well, she never does, does she?" "she never wants anything." "Especially when she's particularly asked for it." "Tha's a sure sign." " I wish I'd been there." " I wish you had too." "Did you give her that look?" "That sort of look you do?" "I said, "Madam..."" "Yes, Nelly, tell me," " how can I help?" "is about lunch." "I just had to go ahead on my own." "I understand." "You chose a pie?" "I chose a lamb pie." "That seems suitable." "You being so busy with your writing." "I had no instructions." "You do remember that my sister is coming at four with the children?" "Yes, ma'am, I hadn't forgotten." "China tea, I think." "And ginger." "Ginger, madam?" "I'd like to give the children a treat." "We'd have to go to London for ginger, madam." "I haven't finished this, and there's the rest of lunch to get ready." "The twelve-thirty train, Nelly, will get you into London just after one." "If you return on the two-thirty, you should be back in Richmond soon after three." "Do I miscalculate?" "No." "Well, then, is something detaining you, Nelly?" "I can't think of anything more exhilarating than a trip to London." " Good morning, Mrs Woolf." " Good morning." "We shall publish no more new authors." "I have to tell you" "I have discovered ten errors in the first proof." "Lucky to have found them." "Paschendale was a charnel-house from which no min returned." "Do you thinkis possible that bad writing actually attracts a higher incidence of error?" "Ifis all right, I thought I might take a short walk." "Not far?" "No, just for air." "Go then." "If I could walk mid-morning I'd be a happy man." "she'll die." "she's going to die." "Tha's wha's going to happen." "Tha's it." "she'll kill herself." "she'll kill herself over something that doesn't seem to matter." "Le's think." "You grease the pan, mommy." "I know you grease the pan, sweet one." "Even mommy knows that." "This is what we're gonna do." "Flour, bowl," "sifter." "Can I do it, mommy?" "Can you sift the flour?" "Yes, you can sift the flour, baby, if tha's what makes you happy." "There." "Isn't it beautiful?" "Don't you think it looks like snow?" "Okay." "Now, the next thing I'm gonna show you... is..." "we measure out the cups." "Mommy, it isn't that difficult." "No, I know it isn't difficult." "I's just that I..." " just wanna do this for daddy." " Becauseis his birthday?" "Tha's right." "We're baking the cake to show him that we love him." "Otherwise he won't know we love him?" "Tha's right." "I got all the stuff." "I'm going right out again." "My God, what a zoo." "Why do people have to talk about dry cleaning?" "What is there to talk about?" "I bought you some flowers." "Where are you?" "In here." "I got someone at work to cover me." "I'll be with you all night." "Are you all right?" "sure." "I guess you saw Richard." "Tha's right." "Well, of course." "I bet he said, "Oh by the way, honey, do you mind, can I skip the party?"." " Don't worry, he always shows up." " Oh, sure." "In the end." "What, Richard miss an award?" "A chance to talk about his work?" "I don't think so." "He'll show up." "You did the seating." "I did." "I don't believe it, Louis Waters?" "Is Louis coming?" "Richarďs Louis?" "He is." "You put him next to me." "Why do I always have to sit next to the exes?" "And, anyway, shouldn't the exes have a table of their own where they can all 'ex' together in exquisite agony?" "I'm off." "Try not to pass out from excitement." "Clarissa...is going to be beautiful." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Why is everything wrong?" "It didn't work, dammit." " Hey, scott." " Hi, Mrs Dryer." "There's someone at the door!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Laura?" " Hi, Kitty." " Hi." "Am I interrupting?" " Of course not." "Come in." " Are you all right?" "Why, sure." "Hi, Richie." "sit down, I've got coffee on." " Would you like some?" " Please." "Look, you made a cake." "I know." "It didn't work." "I thought it was gonna work." "I thought it would work better than that." "Oh, Laura, I don't understand why you find it so difficult." "I mean, anyone can make a cake." " I know." "I's ridiculously easy." "Like I bet you didn't even grease the pan." "I greased the pan." "All right." "But, you have other virtues." "And Dan loves you so much he won't even notice." "Whatever you do, he's gonna say i's wonderful." "Well,is true." "Does Ray have a birthday?" " sure he does." " When is it?" "september." "We always go to the country club." "We drink Martinis and spend the day with fifty people." "Ray's got a lot of friends." "He does." "You both have a lot of friends." "You're good at it." "How is Ray?" "I haven't seen him in a while." "Ray's fine." "These guys are something, aren't they?" "You can say that again." "They came home from the war..." "they deserved it, didn't they?" "After what they'd been through." "What... did they deserve?" "I don't know." "Us, I guess." "All this." "You're reading a book." "Yeah." "Wha's this one about?" "I's about..." "this woman who's incredibly well, she's a hostess and she's incredibly confident." "And she's going to give a party." "And maybe because she's confident, everyone thinks she's fine." "8ut she isn't." "so..." "Well..." "Kitty, what is it?" "Is something wrong?" "I have to go into the hospital for a couple of days." "Yeah, I have... some kind of growth in my uterus, and they're gonna go in and take a look." "When?" "This afternoon." "I need you to feed the dog." "Of course." "Is that what you came here to ask?" "What did the doctor say, exactly?" "Well,is probably what the trouble's been..." "About getting pregnant." "The thing is" "I mean, you know, I've been..." "really happy with Ray." "And now it turns out there was a reason there was a reason I couldn't conceive." "You're lucky, Laura." "I don't think you can call yourself a woman until you're a mother." "I mean, the joke is all my life I could do everything." "I could do anything, really." "Except the one thing I wanted." "Yes." "Tha's all." "Well, at least now they'll be able to deal with it." "Tha's what they're doing." "I'm not worried." "What would be the point of worrying?" "No,is not in your hands." "Well, tha's it." "I's in the hands of some physician I've never even met." "some surgeon who probably drinks more Martinis than Ray, and," "I mean, of course I'm worried about Ray." " Come here." " I'm doing fine." " Really." " I know." "I know you are." "No." "I'm more worried about Ray, he's not good with this stuff." "Forget about Ray." "Just forget about Ray." "You're sweet." "You know the routine, right?" "Half a can in the evening, and check the water now and then," "Ray will feed him in the morning." "Kitty, you didn't mind?" "What?" "I didn't mind what?" "Do you want me to drive you?" "I think I'll feel better if I drive myself." "Kitty,is gonna be all right." "Of course it is." "Bye." "What?" "What do you want?" "Mr Woolf, Mrs 8ell has arrived." "she's not due till four." "Well, I can't help that." "she's here." "You look a perfect angel." "Don't let the boys make fun of you." "Fly away." "Virginia." "Leonard thinksis the end of civilisation, people who are invited at four and arrive at two-thirty." "Oh God!" "Barbarians." "We finished lunch sooner than we imagined." "I've had to send Nelly off to London for sugared ginger." "Oh, Virginia... you're not still frightened of the servants, are you?" "Come on." "And how are you, sister?" "Frantic.is been ridiculous in London." "Ridiculous how?" "Busy." "Why is busy ridiculous?" "I would have invited you to our party..." " but I knew you wouldn't come." " Did you?" "How did you know that?" "I thought you never came to town." "Tha's because you no longer ask me." "Are you not forbidden to come?" "Do the doctors not forbid it?" "Oh, the doctors..." "Do you not pay heed to your doctors?" "Not when they're a bunch of contemptible Victorians." "What are you saying?" "Are you feeling better?" "Has this vastness made you stronger?" "I'm saying, Vanessa, that even crazy people like to be asked." "Nessa, Nessa!" "Hello, changelings." "What have you got?" " What have you found?" " We've found a bird." " Did you?" " Yes." "Where did you find that?" "I think it must have fallen from a tree." "Oh my goodness, just look at him." "We might be able to save him." "save him?" "I think you have to be careful, Quentin." "There's a time to die and it may be the birďs time." "Come on, le's pick some grass to make a grave." " Oh, Julian." " I'm just saying." "Then at least there'll be a bed for him to die on." "Come on, Nessa, le's make a grave." " Nessa, come on." " Nessa, hurry up." "Oh God." "Oh, very well, I'm coming." "Wait for me then." "Angelica, will you be all right?" "stay with your aunt." "You're going too fast." "Look, Julian, over here." "Do you think she'd like roses?" "Is it a she?" "Yes, the females are larger." "And less colourful." "What happens when we die?" "What happens?" "We return to the place that we came from." "I don't remember where I came from." "Nor do I." "she looks very small." "Yes, tha's one of the things that happens." "We look smaller." "But very peaceful." "We found you." "Nessa, where were you?" "Come on, Nessa, le's go." "Is it done?" "Have you finished?" " Is the bird funeral complete?" " Yes." "Very well then." "Are we to be denied tea altogether for coming so early?" "No, of course not." "Come on, Angelica." "Come on, boys." "Le's have some tea." "Nessa, tell him to stop it." "Oh, stop it, Julian." "Virginia?" "We're going in." "Virginia!" "Hey, bug..." "I've got this idea." "We're gonna make another cake." "We're gonna make a better one." "What happened to the first one?" "And after that," "I think we should go out." "Yes?" "Clarissa,is Louis." " Louis Waters." " Louis?" "Oh my God." "You're early." "Do you mind?" "Is it all right?" "Why should I mind?" "I'm delighted." "Well now." " I feel like I'm interrupting." " Oh, why?" "No." "Well, I know the ceremony isn't until five, but I flew in this morning." "Richarďs going to be thrilled." " He'll be thrilled to see you." " You think so?" "Of course." "What are we doing?" "We should go in." "Are you all right?" "Yes.is nothing." "I's just the party." "Oh, right." "Oh,is looking beautiful." "Thanks." "Are you still with?" "Yes, I am still with her." "Ten years." "I's crazy." "Why is it crazy?" "No reason." "Would you like something to drink?" "some water." "And you're still an editor?" "Oh, sure." "With the same publisher?" "How's san Francisco?" "I's one of those cities people tell you to like." "Richard said he thought you were happy out there." "Oh, great. so now the illness makes him psychic." "You have to prepare yourself, Louis." "He's very changed." "I read the book." " Oh God." " Exactly." "I thought you were meant to do more than just change people's names." "Isn't it meant to be fiction?" "He even had you living" " on 10th street." " It isn't me." "Isn't it?" "You know how Richard is." "I's a fantasy." "A whole chapter on 'should she buy some nail polish'?" "And then, guess what?" "After fifty pages she doesn't." "The whole thing seems to go on for eternity." "Nothing happens." "And then wham - for no reason, she kills herself." "His mother kills herself." "Yeah, sure, his mother, but still for no reason." "Out of the blue." "I know the book is tough, but I liked it." "I know." "Only one thing upset me." "Wha's that?" "That there wasn't more about you." "Tha's kind." "I went back to Wellfleet." " You did?" " One day." "I didn't tell you?" "No." "But then I never see you." "You remember the house?" "is still there." " I think you're courageous." "Courageous?" "Why?" "To dare go visit." "What I mean is to face the fact that we have lost those feelings for ever." "I don't know wha's happening." "I'm sorry." "I seem to be in some strange sort of mood." "I'm sorry,is very rude of me." "I seem to be unravelling." " I shouldn't have come." " No,is not you." "I's more like having a presentiment." "Do you know what I'm saying?" "Oh God,is probably just nerves about the party." "Bad hostess." "Clarissa, wha's happening?" "Jesus." "What is it?" "Oh God." "Do you want me to go?" "No, don't go." "Don't." "Don't go." "Explain to me why this is happening." "Don't..." "Don't touch me." "I's better if you don't." "I's just too much." "You fly in from san Francisco, and I've been nursing Richard for years and all that time I've held myself together." " No problem." " I know." "One morning, in Wellfleet," "you were there, we were all there," "I'd been sleeping with him, and I was out on the back porch." "He came out behind me, and he put his hand on my shoulder." ""Good morning, Mrs Dalloway."" "Tha's... from then on I've been stuck." "stuck?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "With the name, I mean." "And now you walk in." "To see you walk in..." "Because I never see you." "Look at you." "Anyway..." "It doesn't matter." "It was you he stayed with." "It was you he lived with." "I had one summer." "The day I left him," "I got on a train and made my way across Europe." "I felt free for the first time in years." "so, tell me about san Francisco." "Wha's to tell?" "I still teach drama to idiots." "Mostly." "They can't all be idiots." "No." "No." "In fact..." "I shouldn't tell you this..." "I've fallen in love." " Really?" " Yes." " With a student." " With a student." "Exactly." "I know." "You..." "You think: "Am I still up for this?"." "All this intensity, all those arguments." "Doors being slammed." "Well, you know whatis like." "Are you feeling better?" "A little." "Thank you." "You think I'm ridiculous?" "Ridiculous?" "Fortunate... too." "I'm gonna leave you at Mrs Latch's." "I have to do something." "Mommy, I don't wanna go." "You have to." "I'm sorry." "I have something to do before daddy gets home." "Hello." "Hi, Mrs Latch, My boy's not very happy." "Mommy, I don't wanna do this." "I have to go, honey." "Your mommy has things to do." "Come in, I got cookies." "Okay, baby?" "You have to be brave now." "Don't worry now, he's gonna be fine." "Come on." "Honey." "Come on, darling." "Mommy!" " stop it." " No!" "Mommy!" " Mommy!" " Come inside." "Come on." "No!" "Breakfast is served between seven and eleven in the Regency Room." "And room service is available twenty-four hours." "Thank you, ma'am." " Is there anything else you need?" " Yes." "No..." "Not to be disturbed." "Did it matter, then, she asked herself, walking toward Bond street, did it matter that she must inevitably, cease completely all this must go on without her..." "Did she resent it or did it not become consoling to believe that death ended absolutely?" "It is possible to die." "It is possible to die." "There was a lovely coat for Angelica at Harrods, then nothing for the boys, and it seemed so unfair." "Why should Angelica be favoured?" "Virginia?" "What are you thinking about?" "Are you still with us?" "Your aun's a very lucky woman, Angelica, because she has two lives." "she has the life she's leading, and also the book she's writing." "This makes her very fortunate indeed." "What were you thinking about?" "I was going to kill my heroine." "But..." "I've changed my mind." "I can't." "I fear I may have to kill someone else instead." "Quentin, I'm dropping them." "We're ready." " Mind the shopping." " I am minding the shopping." "It was a fascinating visit." "And they enjoyed it thoroughly." "Do you have to go already?" "I do wish you wouldn't go." "The last thing you want is our noisiness." "My hopeless, clumsy boys." " say goodbye, boys." " Bye." "And you'll return to what?" "Tonight?" "Just some insufferable dinner that not even you could envy, Virginia." "But I do." "say something, Nessa." "Didn't you think I seemed better?" "Yes, Virginia, you seem better." "You think?" "You think I may one day escape?" "One day." "One." "Nessa." "Come on, Nessa." "Come, Angelica, we must go." "Come on." "Goodbye." "Goodbye, little girl." "Angelica, the train." "We're gonna miss the train." "Come on, I wanna go home." "We've stayed too long, we've missed the train." "stay close." "I'm sorry, I know." "I tried to get here earlier." "Don't start." "I know,is incredibly important becauseis your party." "Julia..." " How have you been doing?" " I'm fine." "Come here." "What have you been doing?" "Well, studying, mom." "so, what should I do?" "Chairs?" "No, le's clear the desk first." "We can take it into the bedroom." "I bumped into Louis Waters." "Oh, you did?" "Where?" "In the street." "They're all here, aren't they?" "All the ghosts." "All the ghosts are assembling for the party." "He's so weird." "Oh, what?" "You can't see that?" "You can't see that Louis Waters is weird?" "I can see that he's sad." "Well, all your friends are sad." "You've been crying." "Wha's happening?" "All it is I looked around this room, and I thought:" ""I'm giving a party." "All I wanna do is give a party"." "And?" "He does it deliberately." "Is this Richard?" "He did it this morning." "He gives me that look." "What look?" "To say:" ""Your life is trivial." "You are so trivial"." "Just daily stuff, schedules and parties and details." "Tha's what he means by it." "That is what he's saying." "Mom, it only matters if you thinkis true." "Well?" "Do you?" "Tell me." "When I'm with him I feel" "yes, I am living." "And when I'm not with him, yes, everything does seem sort of... silly." "I don't mean with you." "I..." "God." "Jesus." "Never with you." "I's all the rest of it." "sally?" "The rest of it." "False comfort." "Because?" "If you say to me "When were you happiest?"," ""Tell me the moment you were happiest..."" "I know, it was years ago." "Yeah." "All you're saying is you were once young." "I remember one morning getting up at dawn." "There was such a sense of possibility." "You know?" "That feeling?" "And I remember thinking to myself:" ""so this is the beginning of happiness." "This is where it starts." "And, of course, there'll always be more."" "It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning." "It was happiness." "It was 'the momen'." "Right then." "Nelly, good evening." "I was wondering if you'd seen Mrs Woolf." "I thought you knew, sir." "Mrs Woolf has gone out." "Excuse me, excuse me." "Very kind, sir, thank you." "Papers." "Papers." "Mr Woolf, what an unexpected pleasure." "Perhaps you could tell me exactly what you think you're doing?" "What I was doing?" "I went to look for you and you weren't there." "You were working in the garden." "I didn't wish to disturb you." "You disturb me when you disappear." "I didn't disappear." " I went for a walk." " A walk?" "Is that all, just a walk?" "We must go home now." "Nelly's cooking dinner. she's already had a very difficult day." "I's our obligation to eat Nelly's dinner." "There is no such obligation." "No such obligation exists." "Virginia, you have an obligation to your own sanity." "I've endured this custody." "I've endured this imprisonment." "Oh, Virginia!" "I am attended by doctors, everywhere." "I am attended by doctors who inform me of my own interests." "They know your interests." "They do not speak for my interests." "I can see that it must be hard for a woman of your..." "Of my what exactly?" "Your talents, to see that she may not be the best judge of her own condition." "Who then is a better judge?" "You have a history!" "You have a history of confinement." "We brought you to Richmond because you've a history of fits, moods, blackouts, hearing voices." "We brought you here to save you from the irrevocable damage you intended upon yourself." "You've tried to kill yourself twice!" "I live daily with that threat." "I set up the press, we set up the printing press not just for itself, not just purely for itself, but so that you might have a ready source of absorption and of remedy." "Like needlework?" "It was done for you!" "It was done for your betterment!" "It was done out of love!" "If I didn't know you better, I'd call this ingratitude." "I am ungrateful?" "You call me ungrateful?" "My life has been stolen from me." "I'm living in a town I have no wish to live in." "I'm living a life I have no wish to live." "How did this happen?" "It is time for us to move back to London." "I miss London." "I miss London life." "This is not you speaking, Virginia." "This is an aspect of your illness." "I's not you." "It is my voice." "It is mine and mine alone." "It is the voice that you hear." "It is not, it is mine!" "I'm dying in this town!" "If you were thinking clearly, Virginia, you'd recall it was London that brought you low." "If I were thinking clearly?" "If I were thinking clearly." "We brought you to Richmond to give you peace." "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know, only I can understand my own condition." "You live with the threat of my extinction." "Leonard," "I live with it too." "This is my right." "It is the right of every human being." "I choose not the suffocating anaesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the capital." "That is my choice." "The meanest patient, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription." "Thereby she defines her humanity." "I wish for your sake," "I could be happy in this quietness." "8ut if it is a choice between Richmond and death" "I choose death." "Very well." "London, then." "We go back to London." "Are you hungry?" "I'm a little hungry myself." "Come along." "The London train on platform one." "This is the London train terminating at Vauxhall." "You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard." "This is the London train." "This is the London train on platform one." "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Hey there, bug." "Wha's wrong?" "Hi, Mrs Latch." "sorry I'm late." "He's fine." "He's been fine." "He's just happy to see you." "It couldn't have been that bad, could it?" "so you got it cut, then?" "Yes." "No problem." "Looks great." "They didn't have to do very much." "Well, we had a fine time together." "Thank you very much." "so that wasn't too bad, was it?" "I wasn't gone too long." "No, you weren't long." "Tha's right." "At one point," "I don't know, there was a moment where I thought I might be longer." "But I changed my mind." "What is it, honey?" "Mommy, I love you." "I love you too, baby." "Wha's wrong?" "What?" "Don't worry, honey, everything's fine." "We're gonna have a wonderful party." "And we've made your daddy such a nice cake." "I love you, sweetheart." "You're my guy." "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Richard,is me." "I'm early." "What the hell is going on here?" "What are you doing here?" "You're early." "What is going on here?" "What are you doing?" "I had this wonderful idea." "I needed to let in some light!" "Richard, what are you doing?" "I had this fantastic notion." "I took the Xanax and the Ritalin together." "It had never occurred to me." "Don't come near me!" "It seemed to me I needed to let in some light." "What do you think?" "I cleared away all the windows." "All right, Richard, do me one simple favour." "Come..." "Come." "I don't think I can make it to the party, Clarissa." "You don't have to go to the party." "You don't have to go to the ceremony." "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." "You can do as you like." "But I still have to face the hours, don't I?" "I mean, the hours after the party." "And the hours after that." "You do have good days still, you know you do." "Not really." "I mean,is kind of you to say so, butis not really true." " Are they here?" " Who?" "The voices?" "The voices are always here." "Andis the voices that you're hearing now, isn't it?" "No, no..." "Mrs Dalloway,is you." "I've stayed alive for you." "But now you have to let me go." " Richard, I..." " No, wait." "Wait." "Tell me a story." "What about?" "Tell me a story from your day." "I got up..." "Yes?" "...and I went out." "And..." "I went to buy flowers." "Like Mrs Dalloway in the book, you know?" "Yes." "And it was a beautiful morning." "Was it?" "Yes, it was so beautiful." "It was so fresh." " Oh, fresh, was it?" " Yes." "Like a..." "Like a morning on the beach?" " Yes." " Like that?" "Yes." "Like that morning when you walked out of that old house and you were..." "You were eighteen and maybe I was nineteen." "Yes." "I was nineteen years old and I'd never seen anything so beautiful." "You coming out of a glass door in the early morning, still sleepy." "Isn't it strange?" "The most ordinary morning in anybody's life." "I'm afraid I can't make it to the party, Clarissa." "The party doesn't matter." "You've been so good to me, Mrs Dalloway." "I love you." "I don't think two people could have been happier than we've been." "Oh God, no!" "Happy birthday." " Happy birthday, Dan." " This is perfect." "This is just perfect." "Do you think so?" " Do you really think so?" " Why, sure." " You must have been working all day." " Well, tha's what we were doing." "Weren't we, bug?" "We were working all day." "This is just fantastic." "I's what I've always wanted." "One day, Richie, I'll tell you how it all happened." "Don't." "I want to." "I wanna tell him the story." "What happened when I was in the war, at war I found myself thinking about this girl I'd seen." "I'd never met her at high school." "This strange, fragile-looking girl named Laura McGrath." "Yeah." "And she was shy." "And she was interesting." "And well, your mother won't mind if I tell you this, Richie, she was the sort of girl that you see sitting mostly on her own." "And, I tell you sometimes when I was in the south Pacific," "the fact is, that I used to think about this girl." "Dan..." "I used to think about bringing her to a house, to a life, pretty much like this." "And it was the thought of the happiness, the thought of this woman, the thought of this life, tha's what kept me going." "I had an idea of our happiness." "Why does someone have to die?" "Leonard?" "In your book." "You said someone had to die." "Why?" "Is that a stupid question?" "No." "I imagine my question is stupid." "Not at all." "Well?" "someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more." "I's contrast." "And who will die?" "Tell me." "The poet will die." "The visionary." "What are you doing?" "I'm brushing my teeth." "Are you coming to bed?" "Yeah, in a minute." "Come to bed, Laura Brown." "I ran into Ray." "He said Kitty had to go to the hospital." "I know." "It was nothing serious, he said." "Just a check-up." "I'm terrified." "Why?" "The idea she could disappear." "Maybe you could go see her in the morning, honey." "I was going to." "I was gonna stop by." "I've had a wonderful day." "And I have you to thank." "Come to bed, honey." "I'm coming." "so are you coming?" "Yes." "What?" "I was hoping you were going to bed." "I am..." "I am going to bed." "What, then?" "All else is clear." "The outline of the story is planned." "Now one thing only." "Mrs Dalloway's destiny must be resolved." "You're Laura Brown." "Yes." "I'm Richarďs mother." "Of course." "I'm Clarissa Vaughan." "Please, come in." "My friend sally is in the kitchen." "And my daughter." "I'll take this." "We were having a party." "We were going to have a party." "I was lucky, I got the last plane from Toronto." "so tha's the monster." "I hope I did the right thing." "I found your number in his phone book." "Yes, he had it." "We didn't speak often." "I's a terrible thing, Ms Vaughan, to outlive your whole family." "Richarďs father died." "Yes, he died of cancer quite young..." "And Richarďs sister is dead." "Obviously you feel unworthy." "It gives you feelings..." "of unworthiness." "You survive and they don't." "Have you read the poems?" "Oh, yes." "I also read the novel." "You see, people say the novel's difficult." "I know." "They say that." "I know." "He had me die in the novel." "I know why he did that." "It hurt, of course, I can't pretend it didn't hurt." "But I..." "I know why he did it." "You left Richard, when he was a child." "I left both my children." "I abandoned them." "They sayis the worst thing a mother can do." "Yeah." "You have a daughter." "Yes." "But I never met Julia's father." "You so wanted a child?" "Tha's right." "You're a lucky woman." "There are times when you don't belong and you think you're going to kill yourself." "Once I went to a hotel..." "Later that night I made a plan." "The plan was I would leave my family when my second child was born." "And tha's what I did." "I got up one morning, made breakfast," "went to the bus-stop, got on the bus." "I'd left a note." "I got a job in a library in Canada." "It would be wonderful to say you regretted it." "It would be easy." "But what does it mean?" "What does it mean to regret when you have no choice?" "I's what you can bear." "There it is." "No-one's going to forgive me." "It was death." "I chose life." "Time to take your coat off." "I thought you might like a cup of tea." "Oh my goodness..." "Thank you, dear." "I feel like I'm stealing your room." "We put the food away, so if you're at all hungry in the night," " just help yourself." " I will." " Where will you sleep?" " Oh, the sofa." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Goodnight, sweetheart." "Goodnight." "Dear Leonard, to look life in the face," "always to look life in the face." "And to know it for what it is." "At last, to know it," "to love it, for what it is." "And then, to put it away." "Leonard, always the years between us," "always the years, always" "the love, always" "the hours."