"Previously on Depserate Housewives..." "I booked our room at the motel..." "I don't want to be alone tonight." " Neither do I." " Affairs got serious..." "If you got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you." " You're showering alone tonight." " I love you." "There." "I said it." " An ex-lover..." " What are you doing?" "Letting you know I'm here." "Let's just say he was grateful... very grateful." "Spun out of control." " You're fired." " And when a crime was committed..." " A neighbor was suspected." " Everybody thinks I'm the perv" " who attacked Julie." " Just in case someone should try hurt you, do you know where your we keep the gun?" "But it was the victim," "What were you thinking, dating a married man?" "Who had secrets." "I miss you." "It is in our nature to judge the people around us." "We judge the way strangers dress." "The way our neighbors tend their lawns..." "And the way our friends act in public." "Yes, we make these judgments all the time, never thinking that one day we may be judged... ourselves." "Girls, what are you doing?" " For Pete's sake." " My arm." "What did I tell you about sliding down the staircase?" "Not to use the good suitcase?" "Besides that." "Don't do it at all!" "What are we supposed to do?" "You won't let us play on the roof anymore." "What happened?" "Don't worry." "She's okay." "These two knuckleheads decided to slide down the staircase." " Why would you let them do that?" " Don't blame me." " I wasn't envn in the room." " You left the girls unsupervised?" "They were playing." " I can't watch 'em every second." " Why not?" "I look after Juanita when she's at my house and she goes home without a scratch." "Only 'cause she's indestructible." "Honey, do that thing where you run into the wall." "Watch." "This is hilarious." "You're pretty cavalier considering your carelessness almost killed my daughter." "I gotta say, Laura, you're kind of a wet blanket since you quit smoking." "Why don't you try a pipe?" "And I've got to say, Gaby," "I think you're a lousy mother." "Did you just say that to my face?" "Yes, and I'm afraid I won't be bringing my daughter here anymore." "The safety and well-being of my child must come first." "Fine." "Juanita only had Rachel over because she felt sorry for her." "It was a pity playdate." "And of course this means Rachel won't be attending Juanita's birthday party." "More cake for us!" "Beat it!" "Let's go, sweetie." "Yes, it's in our nature to judge those around us." "It's also in our nature..." "If you had taught your kid how to tuck and roll on impact, we wouldn't even be having this conversation!" "To blame someone else for our mistakes." "Par la Wisteria Team:" "MiniBen314, Jayson.Sosweet" "It had been two weeks since Julie Mayer had been attacked." "And when she came home from the hospital, the residents of Wisteria Lane were there to welcome her back." "She was greeted by children who came with signs... housewives who came with desserts... and old friends who came with flowers." "Also in the crowd was a new friend... who came with an agenda." " I'm so glad you guys came." " See you later." "Welcome home." "I've been so worried about you." "Is there someplace we can talk?" "We're not doing this anymore." "Please." "I'm sorry." "It's over." "I am so sorry I'm late." "I have three parties this weekend" " and I'm up to my elbows in canapés." " Why isn't Katherine helping you?" " I had to let her go." " What?" " You're kidding." " We were working and she went berserk." "And then when I fired her, she intentionally scratched my car." "I flipped her the bird the other day after she cut me off." "Won't make that mistake again." " I think she needs help." " I think she's a drama queen." "But if she is in trouble, and we don't do anything, it could be Mary Alice all over again." "I don't know." "Susan, what do you think?" "She's going through a rough time, but I have trouble feeling sorry for her." "I get that, after that stunt at your wedding." "True." "And did you tell them about Katherine hitting on Mike?" "What?" "When did that happen?" "He did mention it, didn't he?" "Of course." "We laugh about it all the time." "And look." "There's Mike now and..." "I could use a good laugh." "Would you excuse me?" "Sweetie, can I talk to you a second?" "If it was no big deal, why didn't you just tell me?" "Julie was in the hospital." "I didn't tell you because I, crazy me, thought it might upset you." "And here's why I'm upset..." "'cause now I realize that Katherine is not hurting." "She's plotting." " So I'm gonna go over there..." " You do not pour gasoline on this fire." "You're right." "I wanna pour gasoline on Katherine." "And if you love me, you'll give me a match and an alibi." "Let her have her lies." "Let her plot." "You got nothing to worry about." "You mean everything to me and Katherine means nothing." "That's sweet." " I'm gonna go tell her you said that." " Get back here." "Wanna talk about it?" "Sure." "Let's have a nice father/son chat about how you're cheatin' on mom." "Do you know how stupid I felt?" "I got into a huge fight with Julie 'cause I thought she was lying to me, that she was just telling me she had a boyfriend to blow me off." "And I followed her home and... it turns out she does have a boyfriend, you." "I'm sorry." "And for what it's worth, it's over." "If I ever see you two together again..." "I'm gonna tell mom." "You wanna tell your mother?" "Come on." "Let's go right now." "Come on." "What?" "You think you can dangle that ax over my head?" "Then go for it." "So you want mom to know?" "You want to destroy her life?" "Your mom finding out that I had an affair won't destroy her." "Her finding out that you knew about it?" "That will." "I'm the bad guy." "You think your mom's the perfect one in this marriage?" "There you two are." "They're bringing out a cake for Julie." "Everything okay out here?" "Just having a little father/son chat." "That's my boys." "Come on." "They're cuttin' the cake." "Come in!" "When you've needed a favor, have I ever let you down?" "Last month we needed a sitter for Penny but you didn't want to miss Oktoberfest." " And just last Thursday..." " New way in." "I got a problem with Roy." "He's been kinda down lately." "What's wrong?" "He lives on a fixed income and he can't afford to pay for nice dinners." "But when I pay, he sulks." "He says I'm keeping him." "At his age, he should be glad to have something keeping him besides formaldehyde." "You know what I mean?" "And the favor would be?" "I was thinking maybe you and Tom could hire him for a few hours a week as a handyman." "So he'd have a little walking around money." "I don't know." "Girl talk time." "When Roy's spirits are drooping, the problem is global." "You get the picture?" "Getting the picture isn't the problem." "It's getting rid of it." "Come on." "Try him for one week." "I'm only hesitant because he's your boyfriend and I'd hate to risk straining a good friendship." "If I were that good a friend, would I be putting you in this awkward position?" "Excellent point." " He's hired." " Thanks." "You'll never know what you've done for my sex life." "Good." " I love it that you do that." " What?" "When I first brought you here, you didn't want to set foot in this room." "And now you get sad every time we have to leave." "It's now our place." "It's not what I would've chosen but it's growing on me." "I'm sorry." "I thought you checked out." "It's okay." "We're just going." "Tip's on the dresser." "Thank you, sir." "Excuse me." "I seem to have lost an earring... a little pearl stud." " I can help you look for it." " Thank you." "No, I told you your gray suit is at the tailor's." "Where am I now?" "At the supermarket getting us something for dinner." "You already did all the shopping?" "Great." "I will just put all this food away and come straight home." "Found it." "It was buried in the sheets." "Thank you very much." "Let me get you a little something." "My wallet's here somewhere." "That's all right." "I'm sure you're eager to get home to your husband" "Thanks for letting me know." "What's wrong?" "Heidi Bremer just informed me her kid can't come on Saturday." "She and Don are going to the nursing home to visit his mother." " So why are you mad?" " Because it's a lie!" "Heidi hates her!" "She wouldn't cross the street to visit that drooling fossil." "And that's the third cancellation, and every excuse has been a crock." "Why would people lie to get out of a kid's party?" "Because Laura Miller's out there spreading her poison." "She's telling every woman in the P.T.A. their kids aren't safe in my house." "Those hausfrau cronies of hers are lapping it up." "Juanita will be heartbroken if no one comes to her party." "They'll come." "We just have to build it, that's all." "This is about to cost me money, isn't it?" "There are women who think I'm a bad mother." "It is your job to support me." "Now just shut up and fork over some cash." "Wouldn't it be easier to just watch the kids while they play?" "Did you just say that to my face?" "Here." "Take the whole wallet." "Voilà." "Grilled langoustine." "Your favorite." "How very thoughtful of you." "They weren't easy to find." "The man at one store tried to sell me shrimp." "And when I tried to explain the difference, he gave me an argument." "What is it with service people these days?" "They used to be polite and deferential." "Now they just sneer right in your face." "It's intolerable." "I wouldn't let it spoil a nice dinner." "Sorry, I had a very irksome encounter myself today." "Really?" "Where?" "At a... café." "I was having lunch, and this waitress was rude and superior." "Superior?" "To you?" "You should've whipped out a copy of your best-selling cookbook, like you did last week in the food court at the mall." "I doubt this woman would've been impressed." "Really?" "You sure put that pretzel vendor in his place." "I was so startled, I didn't know what to say." "I just..." " let it go." " Is this a café you frequent often?" "As often as I can." "Next time you're in there, I think you should clear the air." "Demand a little courtesy." "Thank you, Orson." "I think I may do that tomorrow." "This is nice, isn't it?" "Sharing a meal, talking about our days." "Why don't you pass on that café tomorrow and let me make you a nice salad or an omelet?" "Thank you, dear, but tomorrow I'm planning on having something a bit spicier." "Look what Roy did." "Open." "Closed." "Open!" "Closed!" "We don't need to use that spatula anymore!" "That's great!" "Since you're so ingenious, how about you build some flower boxes" " for our bedroom windows?" " Our window if you want" " but not the kids'." " Why not?" " Cause they'll never water 'em." " I'll remind 'em." "They can't keep a goldfish alive for more than one day." "What makes you think they're gonna take better care of geraniums?" "I don't know." "I just know we're getting flower boxes." "You could go ahead and get those started." "Are you good with this, Mr. Scavo?" "Sure." "What the hell." " I'll go measure the windows." " Thanks, Roy." " What was that?" " What?" "He just went over my head to you." "I knew I liked that guy the minute he walked in." "Look!" "Open." "Closed." "Open!" "Closed!" "I'm glad you're here, Laura." "I wanted to apologize." "Things got a little heated and we both said some things we didn't mean." "I appreciate that, Gabrielle." "Good." "Now that that's behind us, if Rachel would like to come to Juanita's birthday party, we'd love to have her." "Sorry, but I'm still not comfortable with that." "That's a shame." "We're gonna have face painting and... a cotton candy machine..." " and a clown." " A clown?" "!" "Where's a clown?" "!" "Not here, sweetie." "He'll be at Juanita's birthday party on saturday... the one your mommy won't let you go to." " I wanna go!" " Rachel, we'll talk about it later." "What are you doing?" "I'm sorry." "She asked me a question." "I just answered it." "For example, if she were to ask me if we were having a bouncy house," "I'd have to say, "just the biggest bouncy house you've ever seen!"" " A bouncy house!" " I love bouncy houses!" "Is the clown gonna be in the bouncy house?" "Maybe, but you'll never know." "Please." "You're right." "I'm sorry." "This is cruel." "Come on, Juanita." "We gotta buy bananas." "The people at your party are gonna want something to feed the monkey." " A monkey?" "!" " Mommy!" "We'll talk about it later." "Excuse me?" "Did you need something in your room?" "I'm not checked in." "I came here to see you." "I don't have any weed, lady." "Sorry?" "All you ladies with the nice cars thinks anyone who talks like this must have ganja to sell." "I am not here to buy ganja." "I came about yesterday." "I appreciated you finding my earring, but I didn't care for your attitude." "It was very insulting." "Did I say one cross word to you?" "You didn't need to." "Your disdain was perfectly clear from the look you gave me." "And there is it again." "I have 12 rooms to do." "I don't have time to argue." "Fine." "Then I'll help." "Lady, please." "I won't look at you no more, okay?" "I'm just saying you shouldn't make snap judgments about people." "You see I'm having an affair, And you just assume I'm a bad person..." "And a dope fiend." "If you knew more about my marriage, you'd see me very differently." "I don't need to know about your marriage." "If you're going to form opinions about it, then yes, you do." "My husband is a controlling ex-con." "I've begged him for a divorce but he won't let me go." "I'm practically his prisoner." "Your husband's a good man." "You know nothing about him." "I know he does your shopping for you." "When you lied to him on the phone, told him you were at the grocery store." " He said he already went." " And your point is?" "You know what I would give to have a man do my shopping for me, make my life a little bit easier?" "And you're not even grateful." "You're just sneaking off here to do the nasty with your boyfriend." "Who are you to judge me?" "You can't even make hospital corners!" "What do you want me to say?" "That cheating's not a sin when you do it in pearls?" "Unless you want to start on the toilet," "I think we're done." "These flower boxes are really coming along." "If you have a moment..." "no rush... would you hang this birdhouse for me?" "I was thinking on that big tree." "You got it." "Thanks." "Over there." "That tree." "I was talking to Tom about it this morning and, he wants it over here." "Well, that's probably because he forgot the sprinklers go off over there." "So... do me a favor and hang it in that tree." "Thank you." "... cause she's telling me she wants it on the other side of the yard." "Gotta go." "Boy, you're everywhere." "We should get you a bell." "Why you calling Tom?" "To make sure he's okay with where you wanna hang this thing." "I mean, he is the man of the house." "Okay, I know, since you're using a cell phone, you know what century it is, but just to clarify... you don't have to keep checking with Tom." "I make plenty of decisions around here." "I noticed." "I just prefer to treat the guy with a little respect." "Excuse me?" "Just cause you like crunching his walnuts doesn't mean I do." "I beg your pardon!" "His walnuts are completely intact!" "And you know what?" "I think we are done here." "You can go." "Fine." "Soon as I hang this birdhouse." "And he said he doesn't care where it is, so you win... again." "This isn't about winning!" "And I just fired you, so you can go home." "I promised Tom I'd do this and I'm doing it." "I'd clean that up, but you just fired me." "Oh, my gosh!" "I'm so sorry." "I thought you saw me." "No." "It's okay." "I was... just..." "Yeah, I shoulda realized." "I'm sorry." "I guess you heard that after it happened, some people thought that..." "I know it wasn't you, Danny." "That night we argued, you said you were seeing a guy." "You think maybe he had something to do with it?" "I thought about it, but no." "He's not that kind of guy." "So you have no idea?" "I wish I did." "I haven't been able to sleep." "Every time I'm about to close my eyes," "I'm afraid he'll be there when I wake up." "You know what?" "I think I might have something to help." "Thank you, all, for volunteering." "Here's the thing." "Whoever attacked Julie is still out there, so, it's up to us to look out for each other which is where the neighbor watch comes in." "Susan's gonna talk to you about patrol duty." "What is she patrolling for?" "His tonsils?" "We still need people for 9:00 to midnight on thursday." "Any volunteers?" ""Project runway."" "We have Mona Clarke... and Irma Pritchet." "No one else?" "Okay, meeting adjourned." "There's coffee back in the kitchen." "Mrs. Pritchet's got a clogged shower drain, and I promised I'd fix it for her." "I don't think she saw that one." "You wanna do it again?" "I'll see you at home." "A word?" "Did you not see my hand up?" "I was trying to volunteer." "I saw." "I was just trying to pick the people who I thought could best protect our neighborhood." "So you picked Irma Pritchet?" "Her son is in a nursing home." "Irma is old but she's not a big fat liar." "Excuse me?" "Well, are younot going around saying that my husband hit on you?" "I know you're under a terrible strain, but... do you really think it's a good idea to air... your dirty laundry in front of all these people?" "You're the one with dirty laundry." "My laundry is clean, folded and put away, you loon." "Girls?" "Everything all right here?" "It's not." "First she calls me a liar, and now I'm a loon." "You all heard the things she was saying." "You saw the way she acted at my wedding." "Not everyone was invited to your wedding." "Jeez, Mona." "You're like a dog with a bone." "Let it go." "I understand why you're upset." "I'd be on edge, too, if my marriage were having problems." "Okay, Mike and I are perfectly happy, and the only problem we have is you." "So stay out of our lives, or you'll be sorry." "If you two are so happy." "Then where did he just disappear to?" "He's snaking a lady's drain, okay?" "And, yes, I realize how that sounded." "Get your minds ut of the gutter." "Have fun." "Coco the clown will make you any balloon animal you want." "You know, maybe I should stay for a little while." "Come on." "I'm watching them." "I've got everything under control." "Will you be here?" "Could you believe her?" "I'm a good mom, aren't I?" " People trust me." " I brought my kid, didn't I?" "You did." "But wait." "You're staying." "I'll get us drinks." "Hi, sweetie." "What's the matter?" "Aren't you having a good time?" "The man is putting the monkey away." "He said he was too tired to play anymore." "I don't think so." "That ape is on the clock till 4:00." "What gives?" "Sorry." "Mr. Fibbs did two shows yesterday." "He needs a nap." "No way." "I paid for two hours of monkey." "I want two hours of monkey." "Let him go." "I can do the gig alone." "No offense, Coco, but I need this to be the greatest party ever, and your act isn't exactly zingin' the kids." "I killed at your other kid's party." "Those kids were 3!" "These are 7-year-olds!" "The big time!" "Crappy balloon animals ain't gonna cut it!" "We need the monkey!" "Lady, he's tired." "Well, then give him some bana-flavored coffee." "You screw me on this and I swear," "Fibbs will never work in this town again." "Come in." " You called for a lightbulb?" " The bedside lamp." "I saw you pull in an hour ago." "Your gentleman friend stand you up?" "Sorry to disappoint you but he just called." "He's on his way." "That's nice." "Well, if you finish your magazine, there's a bible in the nightstand." "Tell me something." "Did he cheat on you just once or did he do it all the time?" "Who?" "I've been wondering what makes a woman so quick to judge anyone who has an affair, and I think I know." "Your husband cheated on you, didn't he?" "My husband... was the best man that I ever knew." "But a good man wasn't good enough for me." "I was like you." "I wanted fun, excitement, so I found myself a boyfriend." "Good-looking guy." "Sexy." "And we had ourselves a real good time." "You having a good time, lady?" "Yes, I am." "Enjoy it while it lasts." "It didn't last long for me." "And when it was done," "I had no husband and no boyfriend." "So now I'm cleaning rooms." "Every day, I see women in here acting just as stupid as I was." "I don't say a word to them." "I just give them a look." "Well, I'm... sorry your affair ended so badly." "But that doesn't mean that mine will." "You seem like a nice lady." "Don't you ever feel guilty?" "Yes, all right?" "Yes, I feel guilty all the time." "You don't know what it's like when I come home, and my husband's at the door" "and there's such love in his eyes, such... hope." "And I wanna shake him and say, "stop it." "Stop loving me." "I'm not worth it anymore."" "Don't you want to be worth it again?" "Hi, honey, I'm so sorry." "Is there some kind of problem?" "No, sir." "Just turning on a light." "There you are." "Now it's a kids' party." "You still mad about Laura?" "The party's a success." "The kids are having a great time." "We're drinkin' margaritas." "What's not to likey?" "You know what?" "You're right." "I won." "Laura and her stuck-ip posse thought her kids weren't safe in my house." "I've shown them the best time they're gonna have all year." "I know." "They're loud." "Kids!" "Adults talking!" "No, I think that there's a problem." " What's goin' on?" " The monkey's killing the clown!" "I've gotta get my tranquilizer gun." "I told you he need a nap!" "He was already on edge, and then that damn clown popped a balloon in his face!" "Laura, I was here every minute!" "It's not my fault they sent us a homicidal monkey!" "The important part is the kids had a good time and created lifelong memories." "You forgot your goody bag!" "So I still don't get why you fired Roy." "I mean, he was putting the birdhouse where you wanted it, right?" "It's not about that." "He said I emasculate you." " He said that?" " Well, not in those words." "He went with a more colorful nutcracking analogy." " He is funny." " He is not funny!" "And this would be a really good place for you to jump in and tell me I'm not" " a castrating bitch." " Sure." "Just put down the knife first." "We are not laughing at this at all, huh?" "Come on, babe." "We're great." "You know that." "What do you care what he thinks?" "I don't care." "It's just..." "it bugs me that he's judging me." " What are you doing with that?" " I thought I'd barbecue some chicken." "It's almost dinnertime, and that's still frozen." "Just get some burgers from the garage." "You got it." "Can I talk to you?" "Sure thing, pally." "Here." "Take a load off." "If it's about me getting into it with your wife, though," "I have to stop you first and say I'm sorry." "Well, thanks." "I mean, I know times have changed, but a man's still a man, and you deserve to have your wife respect you." "She respects me plenty, Roy." "Here's the thing you gotta understand about Lynette." "She grew up without her dad." "Her mom was a drinker." "So she had to be responsible for everyone." "Well, that's rough." "It left her with this constant fear that everything could suddenly fall apart." "And that's why she needs to control everything." "Of course, she can't." "Nobody can." "But... she can control me... if I let her." "So I do... because it makes her feel safe." "And that is my job as her husband... to make her feel safe." "You're a good man, Scavo." "I try." "Now..." "if you'll excuse me," "I have hamburger to fetch." "Stop beating yourself up." "It wasn't that bad." "Carlos, a monkey almost killed a clown." "That is the definition of a bad children's party." "Laura's right." "I'm a terrible mom." "Come here." "Look..." "I am no expert at raising children." "All I know is, when all those other kids ran screaming to their moms," "Juanita jumped in the bouncy house and zipped it up and Celia played dead." "Those girls are smart." "They were quick on their feet, weren't they?" "Which they wouldn't be if you'd been hovering all over 'em their whole lives." "They have learned to be independent and resourceful, and that is thanks to your negligence." "So sweet." "That better not be the good suitcase!" " Sweetie?" " Get mike!" " He's on a job." "What's going on?" " Somebody is outside." "Oh, my God." "What is that?" "!" " It's a gun." " Where did you get that?" "!" "Give that to me." "What are you thinking?" "It's loaded, right?" "I have a gun!" "I've called the police!" "They'll be here any minute!" "You shot me!" "The gun just went off!" "Are you all right?" "You tried to kill me!" "I just shot you." "Let's not be throwing accusations around." "It looks like it just grazed your shoulder." "There's hardly any blood." " What happened?" " Susan shot me!" "Call the police!" "I told you she was gonna snap." "It's always the pretty ones." "It was an accident." " I want you to be my lawyer." " I call Bob as my lawyer." "We heard a gun go off." "Susan shot me!" "I didn't know it was her." "What were you doing sneaking around my house?" "I was on neighborhood watch!" " You didn't have an assigned shift." " Tom Scavo had to study." " He asked me to fill in!" " Well... you should've checked with me." "That's what I was trying to do when you shot me!" "All right." "Everybody, just calm down." "I'm gonna go call an ambulance." "Perhaps we should unload this before someone else gets hurt." " Susan just shot Katherine Mayfair." " What?" "She's okay, but she's... freaked out." "I never pegged Susan as a gun owner." "Crap." " It's our gun." "I gave it to Julie." " What?" "Why?" "She was sacred." "She wanted protection." "That gun is under our real name!" " If they trace that back to us..." " We are not going to let that happen." "You're going to jail for this." "Everyone heard you threaten me at that meeting." " I have witnesses." " Please." "If I were gonna kill you, I wouldn't do it in my own front yard." "I'd sneak into your house and shoot you while you were asleep." "Not that I would ever do that." " Katherine, where are you going?" " Home, to call the police." "The ambulance is on its way." "But I brought a first aid kit." "Why don't you let me clean you up and then you can call?" "Just leave it!" "Hand me the phone." "I wanna call the police." "Dumb move." "What?" "Listen to me." "You and Mike..." "I see it, too." "Those looks he gives you?" "He's still crazy about you." "I know!" "So... use your head." "You wanna call the police and have the mother of his kid carted off to jail?" "Don't be stupid." "High road all the way." "That's a good point." "And besides, you walk around with a bandage on your shoulder for a few days... she looks like a monster and you come off looking like a saint." " So how we doin' here?" " I'm fine!" "I don't think we'll be needing that ambulance anymore." " So am I going to jail?" " She's not calling anybody." "She's a little worked up but we talked." "It's gonna be okay." "It is in our nature to judge the people around us." "If they ignore our wishes, we believe they are disrespectful." "If they don't watch their children, we conclude they are unfit parents." "If we catch them cheating, we assume we know their reasons." "But what happens when we finally stop for a moment to judge our own lives?" "It can be painful to step back and see what we've been doing... and even more painful to realize" "we have no intention of stopping."