"Check one, check two." "Thank you both for your time today." " Okay." " All right." "What are some things that you think TVshows" " get wrong about law enforcement?" " CSI." "DNA is not done in 10 minutes." "And people see it and they'll, "Well, CSI, they do this."" "Sweetie, that's just not how it is." "And you can't get fingerprints off a piece of broken cinder block, either." "No." "Oh, I don't think I talk too much." "The forests aren't what they used to be." " They used to be..." " More abundant." "Yeah." "This is a national park." "It's been protected." "This is exactly what it used to be." "No, it's not." "How do you feel about being in the great outdoors?" "I love it, you know." "I love it." "The smell of nature, the sound of the trees, the wind..." "When it's coming, you can hear the wind coming yards away." "I like to gather wild food and eat it." "Strawberries, raspberries," "blackberries..." "There's never a bathroom more than about 15 feet away." " There you go." " That's..." "That's very important." "Now I'd say the great outdoors, you can pretty much express yourself anywhere that you want." " Next question." " Yeah." "The mountains, when you walk through them, it's like you're connected to time, history." "You feel the courage of the early American settlers." "You..." "You sense your, you know, grandparents a couple generations removed, who were so courageous." "The mountains are okay." "You know, they're okay." "I always thought it'd be so cool to meet a beautiful broad in the middle of the woods." "Up in the mountains, just me and her, her alone, and it's in a crisis situation." "You know?" "And it's just..." "She has..." "There's only me and there's only her..." "And, you know, she's beautiful." "You know, I always thought that would be really cool to be in a situation like that." "Being in such a quiet place in the great outdoors, you can hear your ears just making sounds." "Sometimes I tell my children," ""Quiet, quiet, I want to just listen to the quietness."" "Right now we're doing a little..." "A bear walk to the water." "Everybody's over there, we got Louie, president of the..." "President of the club," "Tom, the treasurer, and some mysterious photographer." " Let's go!" " I'm here!" "These guys are not gonna wait for me." "How would you, like, get away if, like, a bear or a wolf would attack you?" "How would you get..." "How would you get away?" "Well, if it's in the snow, you could dig in the ground and make a tunnel." "But what about if it's in the woods?" "Well, if it's in the woods, you have to..." "It's harder." "But what would you..." "What should..." "What are you gonna..." "What are you gonna do?" "Well, the most common thing is to run away." " You like to fish." " You know, I don't..." " You like to fish." "You love to fish." " Well, yeah, yeah." " I like..." "Yeah, yeah." " You like to fish." "He likes fishing." " I like being..." " He likes to fish." "I like being in some place that I don't have to talk to nobody," "I don't have to..." "You know, it's just..." " It's the fish." " It's..." "It's the..." " It's the catharsis, yeah." " You like to fish." "What have you been doing on the beach today?" "Sleeping." "Yeah." " How's that been going?" " Well, it was..." "It was going well." " Did I interrupt your nap?" " You did just a little bit." " Thanks." " Yeah." "Oh, did I ever go to the beach?" "I lived at the beach." "We just used to go on vacation to the beach." "And then to this day, the beach is not my favorite place." "I'm with you." "As far as laying out in the sun, it's something I cannot do." "But now if I'm swimming, you know, that's cool." "But just to lay out in the sun, I can't do it." "I would love to get a tan." "The only reason I don't swim now is that I won't put this body into a bathing suit." "You ever stick your face in the water and look at these guys coming up the stream?" "Especially salmon." " You stick your head..." " He likes the salmon." " You stick your head in there..." " He likes the salmon." "...and they just kind of open their mouth just kind of like..." "Them some ugly mothers, too, boy." " Them teeth..." " I'm not a big fan of fish." "I was just doing my thing." "Next thing you know, some enormous woman hooked me, took me out." "I landed on my back." "I just remember it was like..." "Like that, like, I couldn't breathe." "I'm afraid of the water." " Yeah, well..." " I never knew you were afraid of the water." "Shows you what gets revealed." " Right." " Yes." "It's the big reveal." "Sixty percent of the polar bears are here, like, all year round." "Me, personally, I come down every Saturday and Sunday unless, you know, something like family thing comes up." "When I was in search, in quest of a hobby that would bring me outdoors, birding just seemed to fit naturally." "With me, it's just compulsive, I have to do it." "Bird watching can get very boring." "Yeah." "If they're beautiful, it's great to see them." "The colors of birds are like nothing else." "Like no other colors." "They're colorful." "And it's the colors you obsess on." " I don't see much wildlife, though." " That was a squirrel." " That was a squirrel?" " That was definitely a squirrel." " Okay, not much wildlife is what I said..." " Squirrel right there." " Where?" " Going up the tree." " I don't see a squirrel." " Not on that tree, that tree." "It's second tree back, there's a squirrel on that tree." "Yeah, definitely a squirrel." "I like all kinds of creatures as long as they're not attacking me or bothering me." "Well, why would they attack you?" "Birds don't attack, but there's mosquitoes." " Do you like mosquitoes?" " Well, I think they're wonderful." " When they're attacking you?" " Sure." "I'm scared of anything that's going to eat me." "Bears and larger or something like that." " Oh, God, well, I mean, if I were..." " You don't..." "Or trampled to death or..." "I mean, if I were out in the wild, I'd be sick with fear." "Let's see, I don't like spiders very much." "Or you come across a mad dog or something." " Oh, wouldn't that be horrible?" " That'd be the worst thing." "You don't go out there trying to pet a buffalo, that's stupid." "You know, he's a wild animal, even if he acts tame." "And, besides that, he's bigger than you are." "Respect him, give him his space, if you got any brains." "We are lions!" "Polar bear lions!" "My little nipples are hard." "I would like to spend more time in the woods." "Well, talk about each other's pet peeves." "I think I have a lot, a lot of pet peeves." "Is a pet peeve something that gets on your nerves?" "Well, I tell you, the most unappealing thing is probably when he does snore." "But his snoring alerts me that he's not dead, so that's a plus." "My daughter eats too fast." " That annoys you?" " That annoys me bad." "That annoys me bad." "It looks like I did not teach you to eat with manners." "'Cause you got to get it down, get it down, quick, quick, quick." " I had no idea that it bothered you that bad." " It really bothers me." "I will work on it." "Oh, bad drivers." "I get so frustrated at drivers I yell," "I just, you know, call them pretty much every name in the book." "People are scary drivers." " "What is your problem?"" " It drives me crazy, just..." "You can kind of yell and give people the finger, but then there is the whole issue of, you know, are you perpetuating the general feeling of violence and hostility on the nation's motorways, and then there is also the question of are they going to stop their car and shoot you?" "I've got in some people's faces..." "I've..." "I've messed some people up." "I don't..." "I don't enjoy fighting, I don't like violence," "I don't like pain per se, I don't like inflicting it, but at the same time, I'll come on you like Shaft if I have to." "What would you say is your biggest pet peeve about her?" "I'm gonna go ahead and say breath." " Hey!" " Because I'll tell you why." "You know, her breath can smell like her other end." "Well, here, let me tell you something, okay?" "It smells like you ate the rear of an elephant." "She loves repetition." "She'll ask you one question." "Then she'll ask you the same exact question later." "Because you don't give me the complete answer." "And the next time, she'll add three times..." "But sometimes you don't give me" " the complete answer." " And..." "Or you don't even answer me, so I have to ask the question again." "Maybe..." "You can be real sneaky, too." ""Oh, baby, let me kiss you."" "She smells her fingers." "Okay, you used to, too." " Especially..." " No, I didn't!" " I did not." " And you said they smelled like vinegar!" "And like, you went, like, "Oh, that smells so good." ""Oh, this smells so good."" ""How are you doing, baby?"" "I don't think I have too many pet peeves." "I mean, I'm pretty, like, relaxed and, like, laid-back." "So, like, I understand that, you know, stuff happens." "And sometimes you know, you..." "Yeah." "He's a real sweet-tempered, even-keel kind of guy." " Thank you." " So, you know..." "Is that because he was neutered?" "Yo, man, that's cutting off the dog testicle." "That's..." "That's whack, man." "Yeah, there gotta be another way to neut your dog." "You know what?" "No matter what, nature will always find a way." "That's all I got to say about that." "Wind chimes." "Little tinkly, romantic, glorious trills on the gentle breeze drive me crazy." "Vandalism bothers me." "It's a destructive thing that is just important to whoever it is that's doing the vandalism, and it's just a nuisance to everyone else." "People making noise in their backyards that they don't attend to." "I sneak out at night and I take down neighbors' wind chimes." "My sister annoys me a lot." "It's like..." "I tell her to stop sometimes and she just keeps doing it, then she starts antagonizing me, then I may just, like, give her, like, a little friendly push." "And I get in trouble and she's not." "One of my pet peeves is having B-1s fly over my airspace." "That's just, you know, one of my ongoing peeves." "Here it is, the advanced future, you know, and they still cannot make PA systems in the subway." "An effective PA system." "Big noses." "I don't like big noses." "Because I always just, you know..." "Men have poor hygiene to begin with." "And so I know that they're picking their nose and if they have a big nose," "I just know that there's probably, like, a lot to be picked and I don't even want to think about it." "I have other peeves, a lot of peeves." "Whiners." "Whiners." "Don't whine, tell me how bad life is, 'cause somebody got it worse than you got it." "Just take care of your business and just do what you do, but be who you are and the rest of it just takes care of itself." "Don't whine, man." "Paul, wake up." "Sorry." "Are you sitting back?" "You got your seatbelts on?" "You ready for this one?" "How's that one, brah?" "Do you have any talents you'd like to share?" "I do a John F. Kennedy very well, thank you very much." "I am from Boston and I'm very happy to be here." "There he is." "I can do something and it's like a click and it's like this..." "I don't think it's a very necessary skill." "But I have it, so..." "There's a running horse." "Let's have a horse race." "Let's have a horse race." "Small whistle." "Okay, you came in second, you're dog meat." "Sorry!" "I think I can jump far." "How far do you think you can jump?" "If I have a good running start, I'd say I can jump over a couch..." "No, a love seat." "That's one thing I'm good at!" "I'm good at smelling it." "I don't..." "I don't do anything very well," "except for eating." "Okay, I'll dance a Machata." "And then I do hip-hop, like you just be jumping." "Like that." "And then I do R  B, that is like the crazy music, and, like, you're like..." "I can howl like a wolf." "Okay, here's the last one." "They want me to ask you to sing a song." "Holy cow!" "No." "Oh, no!" "No, no." "I cannot sing." "Is it a specific song?" "Amazing grace" "How sweet" "the sound" "O come, all ye faithful" "Joyful..." "Let me..." "Can I do that again?" "I'm sorry." "I'm just a little bit..." "Can you erase that, please?" "Play your guitar." "No jam band." "I don't feel like playing guitar right now." "I just feel like" " hanging out here." " I don't feel like singing 'cause I have, like, a high fever." "We should do..." "My country 'tis of thee Sweet land of liberty" " For thee I sing" " Of thee I sing." "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord" "He has trampled..." "Where the grapes of wrath are stored" "He has..." "His favorite..." "From the terrible swift sword" "His truth is marching on" "Of thee I sing." "Land where our fathers died" "Land where the mountains are wide" "Everyone's a bride" "We wish you a merry Christmas" "I don't know." "I'm sorry." "I just like..." "Oh, my goodness." "Home, home on the range" "Where the big deer and antelope play" " Where the something." " Right?" "Where the totchtcha and gueschala play" "Something about "buffalo roam," and the cantaloupe go somewhere." " Cantaloupe?" " Antelope?" "How's that?" "Where seldom is heard a discouraging word" "And the skies are not cloudy all day" "Polly Wolly Doodle?" " I don't know Polly Wolly Doodle." " Battle Hymn of the Republic?" " Jimmy Crack Corn?" " Jimmy Crack Corn." "I have no idea of the words to that one." "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep?" "How does Baa, Baa, Black Sheep go?" "I don't even know." "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow?" "For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow" "For he's a jolly good fellow" "As far as fellows go" "Give them what they want, and then when they think they've had enough, give them some more!" "It's called an encore." "Yes, sir!" "All right let's play Grapefruit." "He brought a grapefruit for me" "Grapefruit" "He covered it with gasoline" "When he filled up my car" "He smeared gasoline onto my jeans" "Grapefruit"