"[?" "]" "WOMAN:" "Daily Sentinel." "One minute, please." "MAN [OVER PHONE]:" "The mayor doesn't want the article to go to print until after the next quarter." "Tell the mayor I'm insulted." "I would never jeopardize the journalistic integrity of this newspaper for some rent-a-mayor's political agenda." "Very well, Mr..." "[LINE DISCONNECTS]" "So, Britt." "Here we are again." "Sent home after another schoolyard fight." "I know you miss your mother." "So do I." "But I have to take care of 750 employees and you have to take care of yourself." "Still, that seems to be asking too much." "I was trying to stop some bullies and the guy hit me." "Trying doesn't matter when you always fail." "No!" "No!" "Do you think it makes me happy to do this?" "Yes!" "No, it doesn't." "But not a week goes by without you finding yourself in trouble." "If you're doing this for attention, you have all that I can afford to give you." "And you're wasting my time." "[?" "]" "Frank!" "No, no." "Not you." "MAN:" "Have a seat." "Either one." "They're both very comfortable." "So, what can I do for you?" "CHUDNOFSKY:" "As you know," "I've worked my entire life, very hard, to achieve one goal." "Uh-huh." "And that goal, which I have, in fact, achieved, was to be in charge of all the crime in the city of Los Angeles." "Therefore, the fact that you assume that you can open this establishment without my permission, without payment, and sell narcotics out of it, is completely unacceptable." "Really?" "And, to be honest, quite insulting." "Therefore, you must sign over ownership of this establishment to me, at which time, you become my employees." "We're your employees?" "Yeah." "Or close down permanently." "Choice is yours." "Okay." "How do I pronounce your name?" "Tchaikovsky?" "Chudnofsky." "Char..." "Chudofsk..." "Chowdofsky?" "Chud-nof-sky." "Chudnofsky?" "All right." "Chudnofsky, kiss my ass." "[?" "]" "Put your lips to my ass and kiss it." "French kiss it." "Tickle it with your gray whiskers." "I got bittersweet news for you." "You're washed-up." "You're old." "You're boring." "You're not scary." "You dress like shit." "It's over for you, okay?" "That's the bitter news." "Now the sweet news is:" "You can retire." "You can go play golf, eat your dinners at 3:00 in the afternoon, play with your grandkids, drink Metamucil, old people shit." "Okay?" "Look at me." "I got a name people can say." "My name's Danny Clear." "I deal crystal meth." "People call me Crystal Clear." "It's easy." "Check out my kick-ass hangout here." "I got shitloads of glass everywhere." "I got a see-through piano." "Look at my boys." "They're pimped out." "We got Gucci," "Armani, another Gucci, tailor-made." "This is what you need to get to the top today." "Not hard work." "Not dressing like Disco Santa Claus." "You need charisma." "You look like my Uncle Greg." "A very nice guy, but, you know, he's a dentist." "Now consider this your retirement letter." "Boom." "It's over." "See your way out." "What, you truly don't think I'm scary?" "[CHUCKLES]" "CLEAR:" "No." "Okay, okay, you're scary." "Shit, you're scary." "You just said I'm not." "No, no, you are." "You are." "What's a "Disco Santa"?" ""A Disco Sa..."?" "I don't know." "Sorry." "It was just something stupid." "You said I'm boring." "My gun has two barrels." "That's not boring." "And it was very difficult to make." "Answer me!" "What?" "What could I do to be more scary?" "A better name?" "Cooler name?" "More color or something." "Uh..." "Um..." "Maybe you could say something to people before you kill them." "But not now." "It's hard to think with this double-barrel in my face." "Sorry." "You've given me a lot to think about." "You're not gonna kill me?" "Oh, I get it." "You keep me alive so I can spread your legend." "Okay, I'll do that, man." "I'll spread your legend." "Hey, you forgot your briefcase." "[DETONATOR BEEPS]" "[THE ROLLING STONES' "LIVE WITH ME" PLAYING]" "MAN:" "Let's get this party crazy!" "[PEOPLE CHEERING]" "[YELLS]" "[CROWD CHANTING]" "[YELLING]" "BRITT:" "Behold, my lady." "[SNIFFS]" "Mmm." "That's the good stuff." "Oh, man." "Good morning, uh..." "Ana Lee." "Ana Lee." "That's what I meant." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "Oh, shit." "Son." "This what you want from your life?" "This, uh..." "This gives you a sense of fulfillment?" "Dad, I told you, tomorrow I'm enrolling in ITT Technical Institute and I'm gonna fix computers for a living, so..." "Ow!" "I spend all night writing an editorial about the nausea this town has come to inspire." "About the corruption, the violence and the decadence that we've come to expect as part of our daily life." "Then I have to turn the page and see my own son's contribution to this mayhem." "ANA LEE:" "Sweet!" "I'm in the paper?" "JAMES:" "Now, you may think you're humiliating me, but you're humiliating yourself." "Sorry." "If you don't like it, just ask them not to print it." "It's your newspaper." "I can't, because, unfortunately, it's news." "That's a good point." "I kept myself out of the papers for years." "Now do me a favor and do the same." "And I told you, stop taking girls into my garage." "You do it again, I'll change the lock." "ANA LEE:" "Okay, but can you sign this for me?" "BRITT:" "Yeah." ""Never stop the partay."" "[?" "]" "[INSECTS BUZZING]" "[DIGITAL UNDERGROUND'S "THE HUMPTY DANCE" PLAYING ON CAR STEREO]" "Look at these." "My shoe." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "I'm very uncomfortable." "[?" "]" "GIRL:" "Who is it?" "BRITT:" "Whoa!" "Paparazzi in the house." "Change the channel." "I think we may have our first visual on Britt Reid." "Go, go, go!" "Go!" "Get in there!" "It's for me." "Hello?" "Get in there!" "Get in there!" "Get the shot!" "Get it!" "And how are you coping with your father's death?" "REPORTER 1:" "Give us some insight!" "MAN [ON TV]:" "If you're just joining us," "James Reid has been found dead from an allergic reaction to a bee sting, leaving his son his media empire." "REPORTER 2:" "How are you coping with your father's death?" "[CROWD CLAMORING]" "[JOHNNY CASH'S "I HUNG MY HEAD" PLAYING]" "MAN 1:" "It was during my election campaign for district attorney that I first met James Reid." "And it was immediately clear to me that he was a man of infallible integrity." "He dedicated himself to this city through his philanthropic endeavors and his newspaper, The Daily Sentinel, a shining beacon of truth." "He was our North Star." "He showed us the way." "Thank you, James." "[CROWD APPLAUDING]" "MAN 2:" "Britt, your father was truly a great man." "When I started campaigning, he gave me some..." "The best businessman I've ever known." "He always came out on top." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "SCANLON:" "Britt?" "Britt." "Hey." "I'm so sorry for your loss." "I just wanted to say that my father was a federal court judge, so I think I know how it feels." "When he passed away, I had some pretty big shoes to fill." "Just like you." "So if you ever need somebody to talk to..." "I mean, if you ever just want to grab a drink, you want to get cheered up," "I'm around." "Okay, thanks, man." "I really appreciate..." "Lock it up." "Yeah." "Okay." "Keep it tight." "Cool." "[?" "]" "This is your newspaper, but the burden doesn't have to fall on you alone." "I've been your father's most trusted colleague for the past 45 years." "I'm gonna make sure The Daily Sentinel stays on a path that would make him proud." "So, what do you think of all this?" "I don't think anything, man." "I don't know a thing about this newspaper." "I've never even read a full edition of it." "You can do whatever the hell you want with it." "I'm not the guy to run The Sentinel." "Hm." "[?" "]" "JAMES:" "Trying doesn't matter when you always fail." "Huh." "Where's my leaf?" "[GAGS]" "[?" "]" "Stupid bush." "[MUTTERING]" "Hello!" "Who makes my coffee?" "!" "Who makes my coffee?" "!" "Will someone explain to me why, on the worst day of my life, my coffee tastes like shit?" "!" "Your coffee is normally made by Kato." "Who the hell is that?" "He works on your father's cars and makes his coffee." "You fired him and everyone who works for your father yesterday." "I want Kato here now!" "You're Kato?" "I thought your name was Henry." "I thought the pool guy was Kato." "I'm Kato." "I'm sorry to hear about your father." "He was a complex man." "Yeah." "I have two questions for you, Kato." "Then you can go home." "Why is it that my dad's mechanic makes the coffee?" "And why is it that without you, the coffee tastes like crap?" "I think it's easier if I show you." "Holy cow." "Where did you get that thing?" "I made it." "Watch this." "You made that?" "[?" "]" "[SNIFFS]" "Mmm." "Sit with me, Kato." "Tell me your tale." "I was born in Shanghai." "You know Shanghai?" "Love Japan." "My parents died when I was 4, and until I was 12 I lived in an orphanage." "I'm sorry." "My mom died when I was young too." "What happened after that?" "Then me and a few friends ran away." "Lived on the street." "How'd you start working for my dad?" "I work in a garage." "And one day your father came in with a '65 Chrysler." "I know the car well." "He was so happy with my work that he offered me a job." "I said yes." "The coffee." "How'd that come about?" "He used to always say:" "[IMITATES JAMES] "No one could ever make me a good cup of coffee."" "Good impression." "[IN NORMAL VOICE] So I built him the coffee machine." "Well, you make one damn fine cup of coffee, sir." "Wanna see something cool?" "Yeah." "[YELLS]" "[?" "]" "Not bad, man." "You did that?" "Yep." "Industrial polycarbonate." "What the hell is industrial polycarbonate?" "KATO:" "It's the stuff they use to make shark tanks." "BRITT:" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "What are you doing?" "Put that away." "Are you crazy?" "Come on." "Don't be a pussy." "Okay." "What are you gonna do?" "Whoa." "Dude." "That was awesome." "What is that stuff?" "How does that work?" "Whoa, what are you gonna do now?" "And..." "Whoa!" "That is some Ben-Hur shit, dude." "Yeah." "Your dad made me do this kind of stuff over the last few years." "[WHISTLES]" "BRITT:" "That is the balls." "Old man was getting paranoid, huh?" "KATO:" "You like that?" "Yeah." "Check this out." "Wow." "You drew all these?" "This is awesome." "Kato, you are a really good drawer." "This is really impressive." "Thanks." "That's the stuff I would really like to do." "BRITT:" "Holy!" "Kato, are you a pervert?" "I wish I could draw stuff that sexy." "Beer?" "Yeah, I'd love a beer." "Sure." "Thank you." "[?" "]" "Hey, Kato?" "What did you think of my father?" "He was fine." "Come on." "Just tell me." "He was my boss." "Nobody loves their boss." "Don't sugarcoat this." "You're not going to offend me." "Just tell me, man to man." "He was a bit of a dick." "Yep." "BRITT:" "What?" "You are..." "Look at that." "I am genius." "You are a genius." "Yeah." "You're a mad genius." "I like classical music." "BRITT:" "You're a genius who likes classical music." "You know what you are?" "A human Swiss Army knife." "What's that mean?" "It's a little thing, you keep pulling out things." "When you think there couldn't be any more, a new cool thing comes out." "That's you." "You even dress like one." "Just need a little plus on your chest." "Let's drink more." "Yeah, let's drink." "[BOTH SPEAK IN MANDARIN]" "KATO:" "Yeah." "[KATO SPEAKS IN MANDARIN]" "BRITT:" "You're speaking Chinese." "KATO:" "Oh, shit." "Sorry." "I spent three weeks making a new bumper for his Rolls-Royce." "And the day after I finished, he crashed it." "He actually said it was my fault." "He screamed at me." "That sounds like him." "Listen to this, here's another story of the 10 million I have." "I'm young, there's a..." "Guys are picking on a girl in school, I try to stop it." "I get in trouble." "What does my dad do?" "He takes my favorite toy, and he rips the head off of it!" "Right in front of me." "He throws it in the garbage." "I was trying to help!" "That's all I was trying to do!" "You know, it's unbelievable." "He's an ass his entire life and then, you know, they build him a statue." "I just don't think..." "People are gonna look at it and think he's great but he's not." "It's totally unfair." "There's no justice." "[BEETHOVEN'S "SYMPHONY NO." "3 IN E FLAT MAJOR 'EROICA' OP. 55" PLAYING ON RECORD]" "Well, Kato?" "What do you say we get ourselves some goddamn justice, huh?" "You serious?" "I'm totally serious." "Let's do something crazy, man." "Let's do something nuts!" "Let's just do it." "Yeah!" "[HUMMING]" "Let's roll, Kato." "[THE WHITE STRIPES' "RED DEATH AT 6:14" PLAYING]" "[IMITATES JAMES] Do you think it makes me happy to do this, Dad?" "[IN NORMAL VOICE] Come here." "[WOMAN LAUGHING]" "BRITT:" "Whoop!" "I know what you mean." "[?" "]" "Oh, this looks ominous." "MAN 1:" "Where you going, man?" "[ALL CHATTERING]" "[MEN LAUGHING]" "[WOMAN GASPS]" "Oh, shit." "Oh, no." "[SCREAMING]" "What do I do?" "What do I do?" "Oh, God." "Hey!" "Leave them alone!" "Let's get him!" "Oh, shit!" "I made a mistake!" "Shit." "Guys, seriously!" "That's messed up!" "Seriously!" "No!" "Aah!" "Okay." "Okay." "No." "I'm gonna give him a root canal." "Just cut him." "BRITT:" "Get off, man!" "That's enough!" "Open wi..." "You're a dead man!" "MAN 2:" "Come on, let's go!" "KATO:" "Britt!" "Behind you!" "Eat shit!" "Kato, wait up!" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Wait!" "Wait for me!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "[SIRENS WAILING]" "Go, go, go." "I'm in!" "I'm in!" "I'm in!" "Oh, God!" "That was crazy!" "I can't believe that!" "Holy shit!" "Oh, my God, Kato." "Shit." "Pigs." "Oh, no." "Oh, no." "Are you a good driver?" "You kidding me?" "When I was a kid, me and some friends..." "BRITT:" "Kato, not now." "Just drive." "KATO:" "Okay, okay." "Just act cool." "What do I do?" "Just act casual." "Pull it over!" "Now!" "What are you doing?" "I'm trying to lose him." "I don't know!" "Man, now we're in a car chase!" "Here he comes!" "Show me your hands!" "He's trying to kill us!" "Do the Ben-Hur shit!" "The Ben-Hur shit!" "OFFICER:" "Oh, no." "Aw." "Damn it." "Kato..." "I think this is the greatest moment of my entire life." "I know." "Mine too." "[SAM COOKE'S "TWISTING THE NIGHT AWAY" PLAYING]" "Yeah!" "We rule!" "That was amazing!" "[YELLING AND GRUNTING]" "We are awesome!" "That was crazy!" "How do you do that, dude?" "You beat the crap out of those guys!" "Where I grew up, it was very dangerous." "I got in a lot of fights when I was a kid." "But you knew where people were without looking." "You were so fast." "When my heart starts pumping, it's almost like time slows down." "It's unbelievable how cool we are!" "Do you hear me, Dad?" "We did it!" "That was amazing!" "Kato, I'm serious." "I'm gonna get real with you, so just go with this." "It might get weird and intimate, but just accept me, okay?" "What we did tonight was fantastic." "It was amazing." "We saved those people, man." "We saved their lives!" "So here's what I'm saying." "We keep doing this." "You can beat the crap out of a million dudes because you freeze time when your heart starts pumping." "We do that every night, I'm saying!" "Kato?" "Kato?" "[?" "]" "?" "We could be heroes ?" "Hey, hey, hey." "Look, look." "Oh!" "We're on television!" "We're on TV." "Look at me!" "Where am I?" "I don't know." "I'm too fast for TV." "Yes, exactly." "MAN 1 [ON TV]:" " Desecrated." "And this within days..." "We saved those people and they just talk about that stupid head." "How can we be heroes if they think we're criminals?" "The suspects are considered armed and dangerous." "MAN 2:" "I am coming to you live from Elysian Fields Cemetery... [?" "]" "Okay." "Think about this, Kato." "What is the one insanely stupid thing every superhero has in common?" "Tights?" "No." "Cape?" "No, Kato." "It's that everyone knows that they're the good guy, the hero, you know?" "All the bad guy has to do is start capping innocent people and he's got the good guy by the nuts." "It's in every movie, it's in every comic book." "It's in everything." "It's so stupid." "But if the bad guy thought the good guy was also a bad guy, he wouldn't be able to do that." "That's what we'll do differently." "We will pose as villains, but we'll act like heroes." "But then the police and the bad guys will both try to kill us." "We're dead already, Kato." "I mean, seriously, look at us." "We've both been completely wasting our potential." "You a little bit more than me." "What do you want your autobiography to be called?" "Oil Changes and Cappuccinos?" "Because I think Balls Deep in Shit-Kicking Dudes by Kato is a much cooler-sounding book." "I would read that book, and I don't read shit." "But when they adapted it into a movie, I would see the shit out of it." "Kato, you should never make coffee for anyone again." "It's a waste of your talent." "It's not dying that you need to be afraid of." "It's never having lived in the first place." "It did feel good saving those people." "Well, technically, I saved them, but you helped." "Whatever." "Let's not get technical." "But why would people take us serious?" "We're just two guys who stole a head." "Hm?" "I know how to make them take us seriously." "[?" "]" "All right, gentlemen." "Hear ye, hear ye." "Court is in session." "Let's talk shop, okay?" "Shall we?" "Who's this guy?" "Who's your friend?" "He's my man." "I'm not your man." "He's not my man." "No." "He's not my man." "He's like, you know, he's like "my man." He's my, uh..." "Not..." "We're plato..." "It's plato..." "We're platonic friends." "Platonic male friends." "He's my executive associate." "Yes." "That's who he is, and that doesn't matter." "What does matter is how we tackle this horrible incident." "Whoever did this means business, and this is just the beginning." "What are you talking about?" "You mean the vandalizing business?" "Ah, I get it." "Listen, let's not blow this thing out of proportion." "I will blow this guy in any proportion I like." "This is my newspaper, Axford, and I want this man on the front page of it." "I want him on the webpage." "I want you to blog about him." "I want him on every news outlet we have." "I want the whole city to know how dangerous this man is." "The man that cut the head off of my father's statue." "Not yours." "MAN 1:" "All right." "Since there isn't any real info on the guy's identity, um, what do we call him?" "[?" "]" "That's easy." "I got it." "This man is called the Green Bee." "Mm." "It's kind of lame." "MAN 2:" "It sounds like a knitting store." "It sounds like an energy bar." "No, that came out wrong." "That's not what I meant." "I didn't mean that!" "I like the Decapitator." "Well, then make it like the Green Desecrater." "What's the guy that drives the horse?" "WOMAN:" "Or Green Trenchcoat Guy." "The Green Hornet." "No." "It's more like..." "MAN 2:" "What?" "MAN 1:" "What did?" "The Green Hornet." "That's pretty awesome." "Much better." "You guys like that?" "MAN 1:" "Yeah, your man's right." "Green Hornet it is." "WOMAN:" "Looks good too." "MAN 2:" "The Green Hornet." "Yeah." "Okay." "Okay." "Fine." "Fine." "It's decided, then." "The front page of tomorrow's newspaper will feature the Green Hornet." "Unless you like Green Bee better?" "Anyone?" "No one?" "Oh, that's much worse." "WOMAN:" "Definitely Hornet." "Okay, fine." "Let's roll, Kato." "WOMAN:" "So Green Hornet des..." "Oh, no, not "desecrates." How about decapitates?" "It's gonna be a long night." "[?" "]" "I am." "Shh." "We need to think of a cool name for you." "The Lil' Stinger!" "I'm the Green Hornet, you're Lil' Stinger!" "No way." "The Honey Pot." "Get it?" "Like, bees make honey?" "You're my Honey Pot." "CHUDNOFSKY:" "What's going on?" "Decapitated statues." "I decapitated real people." "No, no." "I wouldn't worry about it." "He won't affect business." "I'm not worried." "Who told you I'm worried?" "REPORTER:" "DA Scanlon!" "With the nightclub bombing, and now this Green Hornet guy, some say the streets might not be as safe as you say." "Look, guys, stop connecting separate thoughts with invisible lines." "This Green Hornet thing is just a prank." "[ON TV] What you guys should report is that since I took office crime is down significantly in the city of Los Angeles." "Thank you." "[?" "]" "Hi." "Hi." "I'm Lenore Case." "I'm the temp for Mr. Reid's secretarial position." "Today's my first day." "Oh, nice to meet you." "I'm Kato." "It's my first day too." "Really?" "Well, nice to meet you." "Do you work for Mr. Reid?" "I'm his executive associate." "Wow." "That must be great." "Yeah, it is." "So far." "I have a really important question." "Who is the hottie-boom-bottie who's standing right behind me right now?" "I'm kidding." "Hi, I'm Britt Reid." "I own this newspaper." "What's going on?" "It's such a pleasure." "I'm Lenore Case." "I've been sent to be your temp until you find a new secretary." "Ah." "Jackpot." "Right this way." "So... got one." "Why don't you tell me:" "How do you feel about the state of this newspaper as it stands today." "Go." "To be honest, this paper has taken a dip in the last few years in quality and ambition." "Really?" "LENORE:" "Well, the entire industry has because of the Internet." "So there's a lot of pressure to print easy-to-digest articles." "And it's the last family-owned paper in the city, one of the only not attached to a conglomerate, so it's understandable." "BRITT:" "Conglomerate?" "The Sentinel used to really use its independence to be brazen, at the very least." "Like that article your father wrote just after the bombing?" "That was reporting." "That is the kind of article that can make a difference." "Wow." "That was good." "You know a lot about this shit, huh?" "I studied journalism." "I have a minor in criminology." "Really?" "Yeah." "Criminology." "The study of the criminal mind." "What are your thoughts on this Green Hornet character?" "Go." "LENORE:" "Um..." "Well, first, there's two kinds of criminals." "There's the psycho egomaniac and the power maniac." "He seems to be the second." "English." "LENORE:" "He defied authority..." "What will he do next?" "BRITT:" "Yeah." "What is his next move, is what I was gonna ask." "[MOUTHS] Write this down." "LENORE:" "Well, he'll probably try to appropriate more power." "He'll hit somebody on their own turf." "Basically, he'll start out small, and then he'll work his way up to the top." "I mean, that's what John Gotti did to Paul Castellano in '85." "And it worked?" "LENORE:" "Yes." "Wow." "Look at you!" "You really know a lot about this stuff." "And you're lovely and beautiful and..." "I'm just sitting here thinking, "Why are you only pursuing this in your?"" "Kato, help me out here." "Twilight?" ""Twilight"?" ""Twilight"?" "Yeah." "I saw the movie, but I don't see how this is..." "Oh, no, no, no." "Not like that." "No." "Not like the movie." "I guess if we're doing movies, it would be more like Cocoon or something like that." "Yeah." "Later in one's years." "What are you?" "I'm only 36." "You're 36?" "Holy shit." "That's crazy." "Thought you were, like, 31, tops." "I don't even know if we can hire a 36-year-old." "We have to build a ramp." "Huh?" "Why now?" "She doesn't wanna tell you." "You don't know what you're talking about." "LENORE:" "Mr. Kato is right." "I do not feel comfortable." "And if this means I am not going to be your temp any longer, I'm sorry." "It's..." "That's exactly what it means." "Yeah." "Okay, thank you." "Because you are now my permanent secretary!" "Here is what has gone down, Lenore." "You've displayed two things." "Balls." "And if there's one thing I like on my women, it's balls." "Be my permanent secretary." "Are you kidding me?" "I'm not kidding." "This is how I do." "This is how I roll, every day, all day." "I make it rain like this, okay?" "Come work for me." "Just say yes." "Don't think." "Really?" "I'll do it." "Yes!" "Thank you." "Yes!" "This is so exciting." "It is exciting." "Thank you so much." "Don't thank him." "Thank you." "Yes." "I will not disappoint you." "I don't think you will." "I will do in-depth research, fact checking, spell checking." "Anything that you need." "Why don't you get started on more Green Hornet research?" "Perfect." "Bam." "She is hot." "It's crazy how hot she is." "It's sickening." "Did you write down everything?" "Let me see!" "Pervert." "Let's get to work, Kato." "BRITT:" "All right, we got a plan." "Start small, work our way up to the top." "Okay." "We'll need a car." "Yes, we'll need a car." "With some weapons." "Mmm." "And armor." "Cool rims." "Spinning rims." "Slurpee machine." "A horn that plays "La Cucaracha."" "Loaded up the ass with cool shit!" "I can do that." "Kato, I want you to take my hand and come with me on this adventure." "I'll go with you, but I don't wanna touch you." "Don't take my hand, but will you come with me on this adventure?" "[THE WHITE STRIPES' "BLUE ORCHID" PLAYING]" "[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]" "No." "[IMITATES GUNSHOT]" "I'll pick this one." "All right." "This one." "Tell me what's going down, girl." "Hey, Kato!" "Come closer." "I had an idea for the car." "Ejector seats." "Ejector seats?" "You don't think it's a good idea?" "BOTH:" "Hi." "I'm so excited right now." "I can't wait!" "Oh, man." "What the hell?" "Watch your feet." "I call it the Black Beauty." "Kato!" "It's beautiful!" "[?" "]" "And it's black." "Wow!" "Incredible." "[ENGINE REVS]" "Dude, we're forgetting something important." "Watch this." "That is so wicked." "[COOLIO'S "GANGSTA'S PARADISE" PLAYING ON RECORD]" "[SINGING "GANGSTA'S PARADISE"]" "[SINGING]" "Whoo!" "[MUSIC STOPS]" "Where we going?" "I have no idea." "I thought you knew." "Oh, okay, I got an idea." "Okay." "[PHONE RINGS]" "Mr. Reid's office." "BRITT [IN DEEP VOICE]:" "I'm looking at you." "What?" "[IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm totally joking." "Britt Reid calling." "Burning the candle at both ends, I see." "Wouldn't Mr. Case be upset with that?" "There is no Mr. Case?" "Well, that's not why I'm calling." "Remember we asked you to do all that Green Hornet research?" "Predicting what he might do next?" "If you could send us that?" "Those crime maps." "Oh, yeah." "That'd be helpful." "Fax it over." "Hold on a second." "Let me see." "It's coming right at you." "Great." "So, what you doing?" "Just?" "If you need anything else, let me know." "I'll talk to you soon." "Uh-huh." "Bye-bye." "She wants me so bad, it's crazy." "Uh-huh." "Here we go." "South Central." "Yeah." "Okay." "We got 14 homicides, 34 assaults, 116 drug arrests." "This month." "A good place for the Green Hornet to make his debut." "Let's roll, Kato." "Let's roll." "BRITT:" "This is really far east." "I've never been to this part of town." "[?" "]" "I think we're in the 'hood, Kato." "Britt, Britt!" "Do you think we start with them?" "BRITT:" "Yeah." "Just like Lenore said." "Start small, work our way up." "This is really, really intense." "KATO:" "You don't want to do it?" "BRITT:" "I do." "Let's do it before we chicken out, okay?" "I won't chicken out." "Who knows who might?" "Just pull up to them." "I don't want to talk." "Well, I don't want to talk either." "So get in the back!" "KATO:" "I barely speak English." "BRITT:" "You're speaking English now!" "Okay, fine!" "Oh, this is so stupid." "Okay." "KATO:" "Calm down." "BRITT:" "I am calm." "This is scary." "KATO:" "Shut up." "BRITT:" "You shut up." "Just let me talk." "KATO:" "Be cool, be cool." "BRITT:" "I am cool." "Shut up." "MAN:" "Yo, you looking for that good stuff, man?" "[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]" "I am the Green Hornet." "And I would like to sit down with your boss." "Sit on this, bitch." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Aah!" "Oh, God!" "My arm!" "[?" "]" "BRITT:" "Bean bags!" "Kato, hit them with the bean bags!" "[ALL GRUNTING]" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Let me show you how it's done!" "Green" "Hornet says hello!" "[BRITT GASPS]" "Eat my foot, bitch!" "My nuts!" "What the hell was that?" "Who do you work for?" "Oh, God." "Gross." "Who do you work for?" "Shit." "Hey!" "You!" "Come here!" "Come here!" "Hey!" "Who do you work for?" "Chudnofsky." "Guy everybody works for." "BRITT:" "Chov-what-sky?" "Chudnofsky." "What kind of a dumb name is that?" "Where do you get the shit you sell?" "I won't tell you." "Oh, really?" "Never?" "MAN:" "Chudnofsky's on our ass, guys." "We gotta get this shipment done." "You've just been stung!" "Yeah!" "You!" "This is my town now!" "My name is the Green Hornet." "Cool, man." "Nice to meet you." "Cool." "How's it going?" "Anyway, tell your boss the Green Hornet sends his regards." "Dude." "You broke my lab, man." "BRITT:" "Yeah." "I'm sorry about that." "Let's burn this mother down, Kato." "[?" "]" "Explain yourself, Mr. Tupper." "The guy was crazy, man." "I mean, he drove a car through a wall." "The thing looked like a half-tank." "There was fire coming out of the thing." "And?" "Oh, yeah, he gave me this." "He said that this is his town now." "A man comes in in an insect costume and you shit your pants?" "Look, trust me!" "A grown man wearing a mask is a little bit scarier than a guy wearing a suit." "You're not pleased with my suit?" "Does it fail to fill you with fear?" "I'm sorry, I didn't mean any disrespect." "Do you have any idea how many great people have killed in a suit?" "!" "I like your suit." "Me too." "This is exactly what I was talking about." "I'm not as scary as some idiot in a green mask." "Come on!" "You said it won't affect business." "Now, this guy ran six of the biggest meth labs in L.A." "Now because of that Hornet, he's dead." "Business affected." "I've got reports of the Green Hornet shooting out a camera..." "I had a report that an elderly couple claims he gave the finger from the HOV Lane." " That saw the Green Hornet and his chauffeur in a fistfight with gang members in South Central." "The Green Hornet raises questions." "We all know that gang proliferation has been rising." "Okay, that'll be homework." "I got a yoga class." "Don't worry." "Anyhoo, bottom line:" "Headlines, people." "Get this story out there." "Will the violence continue to spill out onto the street?" "What are the police doing about it?" "Is anyone safe at the mercy of, dot, dot, dot, the Green Hornet?" "And I want those dots." "I want dots in the paper, okay?" "Want us to handle this delicately?" "No." "But DA Scanlon's re-election platform is based on cleaning up the streets." "You guys are acquaintances." "So if you want us to..." "That's a great idea." "You should use that." "Write an article about that!" ""Even DA Scanlon is quivering at the feet of this scourge."" "Use the word "scourge."" "Write an article about that." "Britt." "Can I talk to you?" "Yeah, yeah." "I know what you're trying to do, turn this newspaper into a discotheque." "But it's not gonna work." "That's not what I'm doing." "She's a brainy broad." "This is a serious matter, okay?" "Every line we print, there's repercussions." "Somebody has to take responsibility." "That's me." "Well, I'm not afraid of these bastards and you shouldn't be either." "Neither was Daniel." "He made it to the wall." "They killed him for wantonly speculating on the drug war." "That's exactly what you and your little girlfriend are doing." "I know you think my experience ain't worth shit, but your father listened to me." "So should you." "This is the story I want to run." "I'm going with it, and if he were still with us, it's what" "Daniel Vertell..." "Vertellah?" "Vertellot?" "Vertolibe?" "Vertalot." "It's what he would've wanted too." "Okay?" "That's the story, team." "Run it!" "Britt Reid outro." "[VAN HALEN'S "FEEL YOUR LOVE TONIGHT" PLAYING]" "Bzz." "Bzz." ""Scourge"?" "[GLASS BREAKS]" " Tail on this Hornet guy!" "[SIRENS WAILING]" "Yeah!" "Red light." "Stop!" "Shit, the camera got us." "[TIRES SCREECH]" "What camera?" "The Green Hornet and his masked accomplice stirred up trouble in the southland today." "Violence has erupted downtown..." "[WHISTLING]" "Kato?" "Breakfast in the house." "Yes." "I just checked the Hornet mail." "Nothing new, but they'll be a-knocking." "Sounds great." "Yeah." "I have something for you." "Really?" "Awesome." ""Dear Britt, you are my shon-di."" "What's shon-di?" "Brother." "That's awfully nice." "[IMITATES EXPLOSION]" "I've never had a brother, man." "I always wanted one." "[HUMS FANFARE]" "Whoa!" "What the hell is this?" "It's a gas gun." "Your Hornet gun!" "A gas gun?" "Yeah." "Why not a "gun" gun?" "Our enemies have "gun" guns." "What?" "I don't understand." "What are these?" "What is this?" "What are these?" "Are these paint balls?" "No." "Inside is knockout gas." "That's insane." "Where's yours?" "Do you have one?" "Do you have a black version of it?" "No, just you." "No?" "No." "Well, why not?" "Why just me?" "You are so special." "I know, but how come I'm the only one with a gun?" "You don't have much fighting experience, so I thought you needed a gun." "Well, I'll be honest, that's a little insulting, man." "We were both badasses the other night." "I kicked that guy in the face like three times." "In the face." "Yeah, yeah, I remember." "Yeah." "It makes you look cool." "I need to look cool now?" "What the hell?" "You said my outfit was pimp." "I thought, "That's a weird word." But you said it was pimp." "It is pimp." "Yeah." "The Hornet gun is just an accessory." "An accessory?" "Yeah." "Well, then you need nunchucks, then." "If you don't like it, don't use it." "How does it work?" "Shit!" "Hey." "Hey, hey, hey." "Okay." "It works." "[RESPIRATOR WHIRRING AND MONITOR BEEPING]" "What the hell?" "Kato!" "Kato!" "I'm here!" "Hey, you're awake." "What the hell?" "What happened to me?" "What's happening?" "What happened?" "You shot yourself in the face by mistake." "How long was I out?" "What time is it?" "Two o'clock." "Oh, that's not so bad, I guess." "On Thursday." "It's Thursday?" "Are you kidding?" "It's not Monday right now?" "No." "I'm sorry." "Did you put this diaper on me?" "Well, what did I miss?" "Nothing really." "I did some work on the Black Beauties." "BRITT:" ""Beauties"?" "Holy crap." "KATO:" "Backups." "BRITT:" "How the hell did you do this in four days?" "It's been 11 days." "Whoa, 11 days?" "What?" "!" "Are you kidding me?" "I wasn't sleeping, I was in a coma, dick!" "But it's okay now, I fixed the Hornet gas." "The gas only lasts one hour." "Can I see it?" "Okay, but be careful this time." "Okay?" "I just want to look at it." "Just give it to me for one second..." "See you in an hour." "Mr. Reid!" "Hey." "Welcome back." "I'm so glad you're feeling better." "I heard that mono was the worst." "Mono?" "Mm-hm." "Yeah, well, it's better than herpes, right?" "Here are your messages." "I have some meetings" "I'd like to set up with you." "Cool." "Knock that off." "Here is the research that you asked for before you got sick." "Green Hornet!" "Me likey!" "DA Scanlon called, he said that he really needs to speak to you." "Boring!" "I need to go look at this stuff." "I read the article you sent me." "LENORE:" "What are you doing tonight?" "Nothing." "No?" "Nothing at all." "Thought maybe we could go get dinner or get a drink, blow off some steam." "Yeah." "I would love to." "What time?" "LENORE:" "I was thinking 7?" "We could meet downstairs." "Seven." "Perfect." "I'll be there." "Okay." "Oh!" "That was awesome!" "BRITT:" "Hey, Kato!" "Can you make me some coffee?" "You don't have your whole little operation set up, but whatever you whip up would be great." "Lenore, have you had this little bastard's coffee?" "Because it is scrump-diddly-umptious." "You want a cup?" "I'm fine, thank you." "So that's just one cup of coffee, Kato." "So there's this restaurant that just opened in the San Fernando Valley, and it's called La Maison des la Voide." "The whole thing is you eat your meal in total darkness." "So with deprived sight, each bite is like an orgasm in your mouth." "[PHONE RINGS]" "And I was thinking maybe it would be" "Mr. Reid's office." "Fun if..." "This is DA Scanlon calling for Britt Reid, please." "Hello, sir." "I'm aware you've been calling." "No, he's had mono." "Let me look." "Maybe there's a chance we could work that out today." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "If you ever tell me to get you coffee again," "I'll beat the shit out of you!" "What are you?" "What is wrong with you?" "Are you crazy?" "This is our plan, you're supposed to work for me!" "You got me a Jamba Juice!" "We're supposed to be brothers, man." "We're supposed to be shon-di!" "What happened to that, huh?" "I'm sorry." "You should be sorry." "We've become superheroes and there's a lot of stress involved, but you don't gotta freak out about it." "Now can I have the coffee?" "I'm joking." "I'm totally joking." "You still mad at me, Kato?" "No." "Good." "Because you shouldn't be anyway." "What's up with Lenore, man?" "Is she acting weird around me?" "No, why?" "I "like" like her." "And I can't nail her." "She's completely un-nailable." "It's a terrible fact." "I don't know what to do." "She doesn't like you, why would you want her?" "Maybe it's because she doesn't like me." "Isn't that sick?" "That could be it." "Girls are such a drag, Kato." "Thank God we have each other." "Hey!" "I'm calling a boys' night!" "What do you say, huh?" "What are you doing?" "I didn't know you wanted to hang out." "I'm going for drinks with a friend." "Friend?" "Who?" "Come on." "Tony." "Tony?" "Well, have fun!" "Hey, wait, wait, wait!" "Can I come?" "[PIANO PLAYING]" "KATO:" "You want to try?" "LENORE:" "No." "Hit the black key." "Really?" "Yeah." "Okay, I'll try." "Which one?" "You know, this Green Hornet thing is just crazy, isn't it?" "I mean, it's all I can think about sometimes." "I feel really in tuned with it." "Kind of like that guy with the Zodiac Killer." "What about the man dressed in black?" "Johnny Cash?" "No." "His partner." "His partner." "No, I don't think that that's his partner." "That's probably just some thug he hired." "Anyhow, they'll both be dead in no time." "Hm?" "Yeah." "Why?" "Because the Green Hornet's been attracting way too much attention." "Whoever's in charge is gonna get tired of it, call him in to make a deal, then kill him." "It's what Gotti did to Mangela in '87." "In two weeks." "Two weeks, tops, that's what I give them." "Two weeks?" "Dead." "[?" "]" "CHILI:" "You're not gonna like this, but we got nothing." "It's like the Green Hornet didn't exist." "Nobody's done a deal with him, done time with him." "Nobody's heard of him." "It's like he came out of thin air." "POPE YE:" "Yeah, and I've gotta say, he's setting a bad example for the other gangs." "I met with the Armenians today." "They told me if the Hornet is independent, they wanna be independent too." "The Armenians truly said that?" "And I heard rumors the Koreans are talking the same." "Which Korean?" "Kim." "Kim?" "No, Kim never said that." "No, we've been doing business for 25 years." "We're friends." "I'm sorry, boss." "That's just shocking." "POPE YE:" "Maybe we should go down there and teach them to keep their mouths shut." "CHUDNOFSKY:" "No." "No." "No." "I should kill Kim myself." "He's a friend." "[SCREAMS]" "And I'll kill the Armenians too." "It'll make me feel better." "Wait!" "Wait!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Great." "What about The Hornet?" "KATO:" "Britt?" "What you doing here?" "Guess what, you son of a bitch." "We got mail." "We got Hornet mail!" "He e-mailed!" "It happened!" "Come here, look!" "Come here!" "Look, look, look!" ""Green Hornet." Me." ""Good job on the meth lab." Unh!" ""The place was costing me money and I wanted to shut it down."" "That's B.S." ""Let's talk about another venture that could be mutually beneficial." "Please meet tomorrow at the lot on Fifth and Union in downtown at 4 p.m."" "Another adventure for the Green Hornet and his nameless sidekick!" "[HUMS]" "Looks like we've got some planning to do." "It could be a trap." "Like how Gotti killed Mangela in '87." "Where did you hear that from?" "The History Channel." "Oh, yeah?" "Should we go downtown now and check it out?" "No, that's cool." "I got that covered." "You fill up the car with weapons and stuff." "So you're just gonna come up with the plan by yourself?" "Bingo." "I don't know if that's the best idea." "Course you don't." "What's that mean?" "Oh, it means that you think you're an awesome karate dude that can do anything, and that I'm an incompetent schmuck who needs a gun that shoots farts at people." "I'm saying, we should do this together." "I'm saying you should go home." "You should go to sleep so tomorrow you could process my incredible plan." "Fine." "KATO:" "This is so stupid." "We pissed this guy off." "Now we're walking into his turf." "We walked into their turf last time and guess what." "We kicked the crap out of them." "And everyone knows:" "What happens when you corner a hornet?" "You get stung." ""You get stung." What does that mean?" "This is not a game, Britt." "And you're gonna get us killed." "If you don't like my plan, you do not have to be a part of it." "I don't think you have a plan." "I do!" "I just haven't told you yet." "And it's amazing, okay?" "So are you in, or are you chickening out like a bitch?" "KATO:" "You are a bitch." "BRITT:" "Not now, Kato, not now." "Turn in here." "[?" "]" "There they are." "Game faces, Kato." "Game faces." "KATO:" "Shh, shh." "Here's the plan." "Take this, put it in your ear." "You listen in on my phone, which I've taped to my chest." "When I say the secret word, which is "Constantinople,"" "I'll kick the old guy in the nuts, you blow them up with missiles." "Whoa!" "Truck!" "Kato, back up!" "Back up!" "Back up!" "Okay, okay, okay." "This is not part of the plan!" "KATO:" "No shit!" "[ENGINE STALLING]" "Oh!" "And so thunder strikes lightning." "BRITT:" "Okay, don't panic!" "[GRUNTING]" "The worst thing we can do right now is panic." "Just let me think." "Okay, don't worry." "I'll get us out of here, okay?" "KATO:" "No, you won't!" "We're gonna die now, you ass-wipe." "Well, with that attitude we will!" "Come on, man!" "I think I'm claustrophobic!" "Let me think." "Oh, no!" "I can't breathe!" "Listen, listen." "[THUDDING]" "We're buried!" "We are totally buried!" "Okay, okay." "BRITT:" "What are you doing?" "Either killing us or saving us." "BRITT:" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Missiles armed?" "That's your plan?" "You'll blow us up." "That's not a good plan!" "Disarm them, man!" "Shall we part?" "Feel like kebabs for dinner?" "[COMPUTER BEEPING]" "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Look out!" "[CHILI SCREAMS]" "Chili!" "They killed him!" "They killed Chili!" "[BEEPING]" "[KATO SPEAKS IN MANDARIN]" "[?" "]" "BRITT:" "Run!" "[BRITT SCREAMS]" "Oh, shit." "There's thorns in these bushes!" "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "BRITT:" "This thing has no aim!" "It sucks!" "KATO:" "You have no aim!" "Britt!" "What?" "I smash window, you shoot in." "Every man for himself!" "Go away!" "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Die!" "BRITT:" "Oh, shit!" "[BOTH SCREAM]" "[PANTING]" "So you just gonna ignore me now, is that it?" "Like a baby?" "And go home, eat some baby food maybe?" "Drink some milk?" "Why don't you talk like a baby." "Mama, goo-goo." "You baby." "Waah." "Waah." "Baby." "WOMAN [ON TV]:" "Explosives were triggered from that vehicle, destroying it, freeing the Green Hornet..." "KATO:" "Dickweed." "You're calling me that too?" "I know people call me that." "That's not a surprise." "That's not a mystery." "Why not?" "You say rude things to me all day, every day." "That's not how partners work." "We're not partners." "I'm the hero, you're my sidekick!" "That's what this is." "I'm Indy, you're Short Round!" "Simon, Garfunkel!" "Scooby, Doo!" "Stop fooling yourself." "Green Hornet is nothing without me." "I made the knockout gas." "I alone designed and built the Black Beauty." "And I didn't help at all?" "How?" "Ejector seats?" "Exactly." "What a great idea." "You may have started this Green Hornet thing because you hated your father." "You're an egomaniac." "I know." "Exactly like your father." "You are a jealous, pathetic little man!" "Fine." "You're doing great with Lenore." "What the hell does that mean?" "Oh, oh." "Don't you walk away on that!" "What, you're charming her pants off, that's what" "I'm supposed to believe?" "No, that is a filthy gesture!" "You know I like her!" "I confided in you, Kato!" "I trusted you!" "I told you I liked her!" "Stop it!" "You hit on everything that moves." "I'm amazed you haven't hit on me yet." "If you keep talking like this, Kato," "I'm gonna beat the shit out of you." "Just so you know." "I'd like to see you try." "You are a yuppie wimp, and I'm a martial arts expert who grew up penniless on the streets." "You grew up penis-less on the streets." "Funny!" "Heroes beat sidekicks, period!" "Don't do that." "Do what?" "I'm warning you." "Okay, I'm gonna forget that slap so we can fix this." "Okay, okay, you're right." "You're right." "Let's talk." "I'm sorry." "Sacked you like a bitch, Kato!" "Come here!" "Chop-chop!" "You like that, Kato?" "You like it?" "This is what you get when you corner a hornet!" "You get..." "Oh, God!" "[KATO SHOUTS IN MANDARIN]" "[SCREAMS]" "Now I'm gonna hurt you." "I'd like to see you try." "Get this stupid thing off me, you cheating bastard!" "You dirty bastard!" "You idiot." "Okay, let's..." "Can we end this?" "You are so stubborn." "Do you like it?" "You like it?" "No, I don't like it!" "You like it?" "You like it?" "I don't like it." "Okay." "Now we can end this." "Just stop." "Just stop." "Just stop!" "Stop!" "Just stop!" "Stop!" "Stop, stop, stop!" "[KATO YELLING]" "KATO:" "Britt!" "Britt!" "Help!" "Help!" "Get out of my pool." "Get off my property!" "You're fired!" "Never come back!" "Help!" "I can't swim!" "[?" "]" "Britt!" "Britt!" "[COUGHING]" "[KNOCKING ON DOOR]" "KATO:" "Lenore, it's me." "It's me, Kato." "What the hell?" "That's for whatever lie you told Britt." "What?" "He called me a minx, and then he fired me." "[SPEAKS IN MANDARIN]" "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Chili was a fine warrior." "He was a man of honor and dignity." "We must show our respect." "And we must show it in blood." "Popeye, go forth." "Take these words and spread them:" "The bounty, 1 million dollars." "The prey, the Green Hornet." "Dead, if possible." "Alive, if necessary." "I don't care whence they have to go, or who they have to do." "I want the head of the Green Hornet, and I want it tonight!" "Find him." "Kill him." "Take him out." "[?" "]" "WOMAN 1:" "How do you do?" "Everybody, chase The Hornet!" "It's about The Hornet." "We want him dead." "All right." "Hey, you, do me a favor." "Listen to me." "He's got a mask on." "I need you to spread the word, all right?" "Kill him." "WOMAN 2:" "The mask was green." "Yeah." "MAN 1:" "Yo." "A green mask." "WOMAN 2:" "A hit on The Hornet." "A million bucks." "POPE YE:" "Good, good." "MAN 2:" "What's going on?" "What's the word?" "Listen, this Green Hornet." "He's got a mask on." "MASSEUSE:" "One million dollar." "The Green Hornet." "VALET:" "You got it." "All right." "POPE YE:" "Hey, Jacko!" "MASSEUSE:" "Hey, man, you wanna make a few bucks?" "[ALL CHATTERING]" "[SCREAMS]" "[SCREAMS]" "CHUDNOFSKY:" "You failed to kill me The Hornet, Popeye!" "[?" "]" "I warned you about this." "You heightened this thing to a point where it had to reach some kind of a climax." "Well, here it is." "I hope you realize now that you should stay out of my way." "Let me run this paper." "WOMAN [ON TV]:" "A gruesome scene last night as bodies were found across the city, every one of them wearing green clothing." "[LINE RINGS]" "Investigators believe the slaughter was part of a manhunt..." "DA Scanlon's office, please." "The victims were unrelated and authorities believe their only connection was their choice of attire." "As a precaution, police are advising citizens to avoid wearing the color green, so as not to be unwittingly targeted." "This is my fault." "This is what I did with this paper." "SCANLON:" "So what?" "At least you tried." "Your dad would have understood that." "Look, running a newspaper must be difficult." "I mean, if it's anything like running a re-election campaign, it's gotta be a pain in the ass." "Heh, heh." "Fortunately, I think we can make each other's lives easier." "How?" "There are two sides to every story." "I mean, some people, they see an event and they interpret it as this crime war, you know?" "Other people see the same incident and they interpret it as an isolated event." "Yeah." "I guess I could... help you decide how these incidents are exposed." "In the public interest, of course." "Now, if this collaboration leads to assert my position, well, I will make sure that you enjoy compensation in return." "[?" "]" "What kind of compensation?" "Mmm." "Frank, are you...?" "Are you saying you want me to slant the news for your re-election?" "Is that what this is?" "I thought you needed my help." "We help each other out so that we can both get ahead." "This is mutually beneficial." "Okay, I get it now." "You went to my dad, he rejected your offer, and you think you can push me around." "That's what you think?" "No, what I think is that you overvalue your dad's integrity." "You get out of my office right this second." "[SCOFFS]" "This might be what you're looking for." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Stay here." "Boss, what are you doing up here?" "We were waiting for you down..." "Come here." "I've been doing some thinking." "And I had a revelation." "Look, I'm obsolete." "I'm a dinosaur." "Not in the scary way, in the extinct way." "And it's time for changes." "You know, it's time for me to gain some... charisma." "I've no idea what you're talking about." "I mean..." "Ha, ha." "I'm talking about a motif." "A theme." "A mask." "Perhaps a stylish cape." "I'm talking about the death of Chudnofsky and the rebirth of Bloodnofsky." "What do you say?" "Honestly?" "Yeah." "I think that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard." "Why is that stupid?" "That's not stupid." "Bloodnofsky." "I was gonna wear red." "For blood, get it?" "That's scary." "And cool." "Get this:" ""Be it my mask or your blood, red will be the last color you'll ever see."" "I say that to people when I kill them." "The Green Hornet killed Chili." "I am minus an eyeball here." "You can't go and tell these guys that, they'll think you've lost your bloody mind." "I think you're having a midlife crisis here." "Seriously, you're starting to scare me." "Want to know a secret?" "I'm starting to scare myself." "[GUNSHOT]" "Gentlemen, the reign of Bloodnofsky starts tonight." "Hey." "I'm sorry I fired you!" "Get out of here!" "I shouldn't have called you a minx." "Look, please, just listen to me." "Kato lied about us, okay?" "You should have found that out before you fire me." "Nothing happened?" "No." "Oh, thank God!" "I knew it!" "I knew nothing happened!" "That ass." "He said you did this." "What?" "What is that?" "I don't know." "It's gross." "That's not why I'm here." "I need you to come back and work." "I'll do whatever you want." "I'll double your salary." "Things at The Sentinel?" "Not what they seem." "As soon as Scanlon started running, my father stopped printing news about hard crime." "He was making Scanlon look good." "And I have to make it right." "And I realized that if I want to do what's best for this world... that The Daily Sentinel is the most responsible way to do that." "But here's the problem:" "I don't know anything about journalism." "LENORE:" "That's the truth." "Look, I need someone who does." "I need someone who I can trust with my life." "I'm just..." "Okay?" "I need someone who is you." "I need you, Lenore." "Will you please help me?" "[?" "]" "Britt, I..." "I know, I know." "Oh, my God!" "Oh, God." "What is your problem?" "God." "Why did you do that to me?" "Because you tried to kiss me!" "Yeah, we were gonna make out." "No, we weren't." "Then I guess I owe you an apology, because I misread that." "As usual." "Okay." "Look, I'm sorry." "I didn't plan on kissing you when I said all that." "Will you come back and work for me, please?" "Pretty please?" "Double my salary." "And I want a parking spot." "You don't have a parking spot?" "Oh, that sucks." "And if you ever so much as look at my ass again..." "I can't even see it." "I will sue you for sexual harassment." "Do you understand?" "Hugs?" "Where my hugs at, y'all?" "[LOCK CLICKS]" "[?" "]" "[PHONE RINGS]" "Britt Reid's office." "SCANLON:" "Frank Scanlon." "Oh." "Please hold." "DA Scanlon." "Really?" "Yes." "Hello?" "Hey, Britt, it's Scanlon." "Listen, I think I owe you an apology." "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Too much blood in the gutter." "You win." "Let's split L.A." "You get the L. I get the A. That means we share the gold and the work." "One million dollars for today." "SCANLON:" "I think you misunderstood where I was coming from and I'd like a chance to clarify some things." "Things are pretty clear." "I got three words for you:" "No." "Suck it, you dick face!" "Look." "Tell him that you wanna meet him." "This is journalism." "If you wanna be an investigative reporter, you have to investigate." "Tell him that you wanna meet him." "Might've gotten disconnected, Britt." "You're right." "Watch this." "I was joking." "Yeah, why don't we get together and talk about things?" "That's a good idea." "Okay?" "Let's meet for dinner." "A little place called Gonpachi Hibachi." "Little place on La Cienega." "Around 8:30?" "La Cienega, 8:30." "[?" "]" "SCANLON:" "Britt!" "Hey, Frank." "Hey, Britt." "Good to see you." "I'm having a sake." "What are you having?" "Yeah, I'll have some sake." "Thanks for coming." "No problem." "[CAR APPROACHING]" "Mr. Chudnofsky?" "Bloodnofsky." "Blood-nof-sky." "I commissioned the Green Hornet." "You're the chauffeur." "Partner." "Where's The Hornet?" "Right there." "MAN:" "Whoa, we only get half the team?" "Who says you're the good half?" "Huh." "Where's Reid?" "Guess." "Oh." "Any of you move, you're dead." "I'm not actually here for forgiveness, Britt." "I don't understand." "You understand nothing, so I'm gonna explain it to you very simply." "If you ever come across any article regarding a major crime, a man named Benjamin Chudnofsky, or anything that makes this city think" "I am not the fine line protecting the light from the darkness, you're gonna bring it to me." "You're gonna bring it to me and I'll tell you if it's okay to print in your stupid little newspaper." "That's how I did it with your dad." "And that's how you and I are gonna do it." "Scanlon, are you saying you want me to let you write the news?" "[SIGHS]" "Finally you understand." "Yup." "I understand, all right." "Here's what I understand." "That you, son, just got played by a player." "Recording device." "USB." "No, you can't have it, it's mine!" "You stupid schmuck!" "I got you by the balls, Scanlon." "I own a newspaper, genius." "This'll be front-page." "I have to say" "I'm impressed." "You should be." "It won't do you any good." "How could it not?" "Are you gonna kill me in this restaurant?" "Yes." "What, you're gonna murder me?" "Yeah." "Like I murdered your father." "I don't think so." "My dad was not murdered." "He died of a bee sting." "No, no, your father died of an overdose of apitoxin, most commonly found in a bee sting, which he happened to be allergic to." "But that apitoxin was administered by me." "[?" "]" "Shit!" "JAMES:" "Think, Britt." "You can figure this out, my son, with your brains." "It's almost like time slows down." "That's right." "Think." "Slowly." "BRITT:" "Okay, two years ago, Scanlon decides to run for DA." "He says he's cleaning up the streets of L.A., which is impossible." "So he asked the media to slant the news." "And you go along with it like everybody else?" "JAMES:" "No way." "I refused." "BRITT:" "So he..." "Shit!" "What does he do?" "So Scanlon decides to go really dirty." "Makes a pact with a criminal." "Chudnofsky kills your reporter." "Vertolibe?" "Vertoleeb?" "JAMES:" "I didn't want more bloodshed, so I stopped reporting on crime." "To be honest, in the last few years, this paper has dipped in quality and ambition." "BRITT:" "Scanlon can hold up his part of the deal, keeping the media under control, and Chudnofsky does whatever he wants!" "To be honest..." "But Chudnofsky had a different plan." "He wanted to take over all the gangs of L.A." "So that's when you decided to cut the strings." "JAMES:" "I couldn't look in the mirror." "I hated every word I said to you that morning, Britt." "BRITT:" "So you start reporting on crime again." "And now Scanlon is a dead man unless he proves he's still in control." "He has no choice but to organize a meeting with you," "and he kills you himself." "In the end, you stood up for what's right, Dad." "Now I have to do the same." "I can see by that expression you've had on your face for five minutes that you're piecing this together, but it's no good." "You're about to be killed by the Green Hornet." "What?" "[CROWD SCREAMING]" "MAN:" "The Green Hornet's sidekick!" "He's got a gun!" "Bluff!" "Bluff!" "Eradicate!" "Before you do this, I want you to know that I'm sorry." "I'm sorry for everything." "I forgive you." "Hey, not me." "Him, stupid." "Confused?" "You should be." "Go, go." "BRITT:" "Let's bail, Kato!" "Back here!" "We're cornered!" "Know what happens when you corner a hornet?" "No!" "You get stung!" "[BEEPING]" "Oh, Je...!" "KATO:" "See?" "Backups." "BRITT:" "Go, go, go!" "What the hell?" "He's supposed to kill Britt Reid!" "He's shooting at me!" "Embark the vehicle!" "Okay, okay, okay." "Are you okay?" "Wait." "Yeah, I'm fine." "My outfit's back here." "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Britt Reid is the Green Hornet!" "I know." "You hired a guy to kill himself." "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Shut up!" "Britt Reid recorded the whole conversation on some sushi drive USB!" "We can't lose him!" "We're not losing him, we're following him!" "Oh, Kato." "Thank you." "I need to hug you to thank you!" "What the hell?" "Okay." "To the house?" "No!" "Here's the dilly yo." "We gotta get this to The Sentinel." "It's got Scanlon spilling the beans." "We're gonna put it on the Net." "It's what my father would have wanted." "You like your father now?" "Yes!" "You see, he wasn't a dick after all." "Well, he was a dick, just not really how we thought he was." "At the end, he wasn't a di..." "It's complicated." "I'll explain later, okay?" "It's a lot of conflicting emotions." "Let's roll, Britt." "BRITT:" "Here's the thing, honestly." "I've been jealous of you this entire time." "You're awesome." "You built this car." "Uh-huh." "I know." "You know karate." "You're charming." "Thank you!" "BRITT:" "These guys are amazingly well organized." "Hold on!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Oh, yeah!" "Burn them from the side!" "Door guns!" "What's a door gun?" "Here!" "[YELLING]" "The other side!" "BRITT:" "Your turn!" "MAN:" "Oh, God!" "Oh, shit!" "We lost him!" "He's gone!" "He's gone!" "Yeah!" "BRITT:" "Shit!" "He's back!" "You gotta be kidding me." "These guys are good!" "Over there, over there!" "We're not gonna make it, dude." "We're not gonna make it!" "SCANLON:" "Yeah, we're gonna make it!" "That's a very big gun." "[LAUGHING]" "BRITT:" "Kato, be careful!" "Take the wheel." "BRITT:" "What?" "!" "Take the wheel." "I can't!" "Yes, you can!" "Nunchucks?" "!" "That was my idea!" "Where are you going?" "Are you okay?" "What are you doing?" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Kato!" "Jesus!" "I don't know what anything does!" "Why didn't you do this in English?" "!" "[KATO SPEAKS IN MANDARIN]" "What are you saying?" "Closer." "Just jump in!" "Turn the knob!" "BRITT:" "These guys are shooting at me!" "Aah!" "Sorry!" "I'm sorry!" "Turn the knob!" "I don't know how!" "Calm down!" "BRITT:" "How do I stop it?" "How do I stop it?" "Oh, God, I'm sorry." "[TRUCK HORN BLARES]" "It's on fire!" "It's okay." "It's okay!" "Next time, don't touch anything." "Kato!" "Look!" "We made it!" "Kato, we made it!" "Hell, yeah!" "Yeah!" "I can't." "Okay, that's cool." "BRITT:" "Oh, we're screwed!" "KATO:" "Yee-ha!" "MAN:" "Come on, hurry!" "Hurry up!" "BRITT:" "Whoops." "Did you drop it?" "Yes." "Shit!" "[?" "]" "Go get it!" "I'll cover you!" "BRITT:" "Wish me luck!" "Good luck!" "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Dear Hornet, be it my mask or your blood, red will be the last..." "It's Britt Reid!" "There he is!" "Get him!" "Don't let them go!" "Come on!" "Get him!" "Get him!" "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Let me shoot him!" "Oh, no." "SCANLON:" "Shoot to kill!" "You brought a gas mask?" "!" "Of course I brought a gas mask!" "Just for yourself?" "!" "Where the...?" "There!" "There!" "Behind the paper!" "Over here!" "The helmet, it fogs up everything." "There." "There." "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Shoot, shoot." "Kato!" "Kato, save me!" "Ha!" "I'm ungassable!" "MAN:" "Move it!" "Ow!" "That was dangerous." "Drop me by the elevators, I'll take it from here!" "KATO:" "No, we stay together!" "Get in the front seat!" "Quick!" "Quick!" "SCANLON:" "Tenth floor!" "Tenth floor!" "What works?" "Missiles?" "Four missiles left." "Hornet gun?" "Check." "Machine guns?" "Check." "Does it drive?" "Front-wheel drive." "[PEOPLE SCREAMING]" "AXFORD:" "Get out!" "Get out of here!" "You can let me out here." "Bazooka!" "Guy with a bazooka!" "Missile!" "KATO:" "Fire!" "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Reload!" "Kato, they're here." "Go be a journalist." "I'll kick ass." "There they are!" "There!" "Come on." "[ALL SCREAMING]" "I'm there." "In one minute, this'll be all over the world." "[SIRENS WAILING]" "[HORN HONKS]" "SWAT:" "Blue team, go!" "Start up." "MAN 1:" "Shit!" "Yeah." "MAN 2:" "There!" "CHUDNOFSKY:" "Can you see him?" "I can't see him." "Oh." "[MAN 3 CHOKES]" "[CHUDNOFSKY CHUCKLES]" "[GRUNTS]" "[BEEPING]" "Oh, I'm so stupid." "SCANLON:" "All right, Reid!" "Hand over the thing." "BRITT:" "You want it?" "!" "Go get it!" "Where is it?" "Where is it?" "I am Bloodnofsky." "I killed a thousand before and I'll kill a thousand more." "Now tremble before your death." "For be it my mask, or be it your blood, red will be the last color you'll ever see." "[?" "]" "Britt." "Britt!" "[SCREAMING]" "KATO:" "Shit!" "Hey!" "End of the road, Scanlon." "Okay, okay." "Let's just calm down." "Hand over the sushi." "Oh..." "Uh, yeah, hand it over." "We can talk about it." "SWAT 1:" "On the ground, now!" "SWAT 2:" "Get down!" "It's the Green Hornet." "Shoot him!" "Aah!" "Britt, quick!" "I'm District Attorney Frank Scanlon!" "That is the Green Hornet." "Go shoot him!" "SWAT 3:" "Down on the ground!" "Kato, I screwed up!" "Scanlon's gonna get away scot-free!" "No, he's not." "[SCREAMING]" "[CROWD CLAMORING]" "[BRITT YELLING]" "KATO:" "Don't move." "Don't move." "BRITT:" "Ow!" "Oh!" "Ow!" "Whoa." "Holy shit!" "Ejector seats!" "You actually built them!" "It was a good idea." "[BEETHOVEN'S "SYMPHONY NO." "3 IN E FLAT MAJOR 'EROICA' OP. 55" PLAYING ON RECORD]" "Wow." "This is really scary." "A high-speed chase between the Green Hornet and gang members has led to The Daily Sentinel office," "LENORE:" "Oh, my God!" "I called it." "Leaving a trail of demolished cars and trucks in their path." "BRITT:" "Here's the story:" "We're on our way to a costume party." "Okay?" "[SIRENS WAILING]" "We gotta get out of our suits." "Where the hell are we gonna go?" "MAN [ON TV]:" "No one knows why the district attorney..." "Aah!" "BRITT:" "Lenore!" "No, no, no." "Lenore, stop!" "No, wait!" "KATO:" "Stop." "Lenore!" "BRITT:" "Lenore!" "Wait." "How do you know my name?" "Kato." "BRITT:" "It's me." "Ha." "Oh, my God." "You assholes!" "You assholes!" "What the hell are you doing?" "!" "You guys are criminals!" "You're criminals!" "Oh, my God." "Stop." "We're helping people." "Why ask me to do research on the Green Hornet when you are the Green Hornet?" "We don't know what we're doing." "We needed you." "Don't you see?" "You're the mastermind." "What?" "[KNOCKING ON DOOR]" "OFFICER:" "This is the police." "Open up." "Please don't screw us." "We were trying to be good people." "Shh!" "Think about it." "Hello, officer, can I help you?" "We're looking for two masked men." "Seen anything?" "Yeah, of course." "Really?" "They're all over the news all the time." "All right." "Well, please report anything suspicious." "Absolutely." "You guys are such stupid assholes!" "What are you thinking?" "!" "Please forgive us." "Forgive me." "Are you crazy?" "Kiss and make up later." "I don't kiss him!" "BRITT:" "I got a bullet in me!" "You and I don't kiss!" "You guys might kiss, but I don't kiss you!" "I've been shot in the shoulder." "Well, then go to the hospital!" "No!" "Don't you see?" "The police know the Green Hornet was shot in the shoulder." "If I go to the hospital, they'll know I'm the Green Hornet." "Yeah, you've been shot." "Ew." "BRITT:" "Here's what I need." "What?" "BRITT:" "Get me a spatula to bite and a knife." "You gotta dig this bullet out of my meat." "Do it." "I'm cold." "It's deep inside me." "Oh, God." "Spatula." "Okay, okay." "Wait!" "Sterilize it!" "What?" "Sterilize it." "I don't wanna get gangrene." "KATO:" "Say it, say it." "Shon-di." "BRITT:" "Shon-di." "KATO:" "Shon-di forever." "Here we go, this is hot." "Let me see." "Just wait." "I'm not ready." "Stop, stop, stop." "Aah!" "Wait, it hurts." "Okay, I can't do it." "Take me to the hospital." "Would you just shut up?" "Okay, look, if I'm the mastermind of this, just let me have a second of silence so I can figure this out!" "Okay?" "BRITT:" "Mere hours ago, the Green Hornet and a group of his criminal underlings launched a horrendous attack on this building that claimed the life of District Attorney Frank Scanlon." "It's unfortunate, but, you know, that's what happens." "The Daily Sentinel will be rebuilt." "And to start that off," "I am naming Mike Axford the new editor in chief." "[?" "]" "Mike's great and he's comfortable telling me off, so he's the perfect man for the job." "[CROWD APPLAUDING]" "We have to get this paper back to the ideals that my father started it on." "I wanna make him proud, and I hope to make this city proud of The Daily Sentinel like never before." "The Green Hornet sends his regards." "[CROWD SCREAMING]" "He shot me!" "Aah!" "Directly in the shoulder!" "OFFICER:" "The Green Hornet's sidekick shot Britt Reid!" "BRITT:" "Get me to the hospital!" "LENORE:" "He's been shot in the shoulder!" "We gotta get him to a hospital right away!" "It worked." "Ow." "[SIRENS WAILING]" "[DAVID SARDY'S "GREEN HORNET THEME" PLAYING]" "Kato." "Kato." "Hey!" "We have a secret mission." "Everything we've done up till now is complete and utter crap!" "This is all that matters." "This is it." "Let's roll, Kato." "It's crooked." "He's kind of..." "He's kind of looking..." "Down?" "Ah, it's fine." "Doesn't matter." "We did it." "We did." "The Green Hornet." "His reliable partner, the Blue Wombat." "[GROANS]" "Oh, man." "Okay, how about the Red Hippopotamus?" "No?" "Not Red Hippopotamus?" "KATO:" "Hippos are not red." "BRITT:" "I know." "Hornets aren't green." "Who cares?" "The Orange Albatross." "[?" "]" "[THE GREENHORNES' "SAYING GOODBYE" PLAYING]" "[JAY CHOU'S "NUNCHUCKS" PLAYING]"