"[Rhythmic clapping and stomping]" "[indistinct conversations, laughter] igotit on the retreat from moscow." "but really, really -- yeah, of course, i've been in love, but it's -- what's -- all that's happened is this moment comes when, you know, it goes from" "being this amazing adventure that you're both on to being real life." "work." "anditgoestobeingwork." "and it's not always been me who's lost it at that point." "no,but--  ihave--  i'mjustsayingwhatdoyou want?" "washhishandsatthat point." "right?" "that's the bottom line -- what do you want?" "i'vehadasituationwherei really wanted to be with that person and she's been the one who's, you know, pulled the lever." "well,kindof ,probably 'cause you pulled away a little." "thereisno waytoavoidthe real life." "hey.what'sgoingon?" "oh,mygod." "i've heard so much about this dude." "thisisadam." "i'veheardso muchaboutyou." "emily- -i 'vetoldyouabout emily, too." "youhaveto do yourshit." "thisismy friendwho has  special gifts." "dude,youhaveaspecial gift?" "i'm charlie." "i have a special gift, too." "stopit.no ,no ." "he's gonna do some presentations for us." "doit!" "do it !" "yes,doit!" "lettheguyhaveadrink ." "cani justgetadrinkfi-- yeah,yeah,yeah." "get the guy a drink. all right." "dude,getyourselfacup." "gograbacup rightthere-- right on the other side of the door." "cool.thankyou.yeah." "ican'twait." "i'llbeback." "ilikethatdude'sshirt." "yes." "whatishisspecialgift ?" "you'llsee.you'llsee ." "isitthis?" "shh.shutit down." "* shut it down so,youknow,itjust  occurred to me that the whole process of -- the whole ritual of writing an obituary is incredibly helpful." "right." "and,youknow,the ideacame  to me -- you know, my boyfriend and i broke up and then two weeks later, my dad dies." "sorry.yeah." "so,youknow,obviouslythere is a need to grieve with both situations, but with one, the ritual is built in." "right." "andthentheotherone,  you're pretty much on you're fucking own." "so, i sat down and wrote an obit for my dad." "youknow,ithinktherewere two outs in the bottom of the -- in the top of the -- wait,wait,wait.sasha." "what, do you live in the french riviera?" "this is unbelievable." "ha,ha.it 'snice,right?" "it'slikecannesor something." "it'sstatenisland,max ." "wow." "yeah,it'sreallynice, especially this time of day." "veryimpressive." "yeah.anyway,it 'sthetop of the first, 'cause they're in camden yards." "yeah." "uh,a-rodcomesup." "it's his first at bat of the season." "it's like mid-may." "he missed the first few weeks with, um, this whole hip thing, remember?" "and then that steroids -- there was like another -- thescandal." "another,like-- yeah, another, like, steroids thing happening at that -- so everyone's, like, hounding him, all eyes were on a-rod." "everyone's kind of watching every move." "a lot of anticipation -- how he was gonna -- you know, how he was gonna start the season." "um... i remember, like, it was when he came up." "there was, like, half the crowd was cheering." "half the crowd was booing." "it was this very, like, confused and schizophrenic reception he was getting." "it was bizarre." "i remember it being, like, really, like, i don't remember seeing anyone, you know, quite greeted this way at the beginning of the season." "anyway, he comes up to the plate, and the very -- like, he's like, to me, like, i am so, like, enthralled by a-rod, but there's also something so" "fundamentally unlikable about him." "well,he'saweirdguy." "heis." "like, he carries so much weird weight -- at least for me, anyways." "you know what i mean?" "and he comes up to the plate, and it's the very first at bat of the season -- fuckin' crushes the very first pitch he sees into left field for a home run." "just like that -- wow." "rightoutof thegate." "and this is in camden yards." "there are orioles fans and yankees fans." "everybody is going apeshit." "like all allegiances are broken down." "sasha,i can'tbelieveyou 're talking about baseball yet again." "whatelseis  there to talk about?" "oh,man." "he'sa highscholar." "he'ssomething." "that's for -- that's for sure." "i just don't get it, man." "stilldon'tgetit." "it'sa fuckingstickand a ball." "it's -- it's for kids." "twigsandberries." "i'lltell-- i'lltellyou." "what makes baseball -- i think, what makes baseball so great, maybe what makes it the best game of all time, is that it allows for the possibility -- genuine possibility, no matter how remote -- for perfection to" "occur." "oh,mygod.it'smetaphysics." "immediately, he goes for the metaphysics." "hari, you'd like this." "you -- you know updike, right?" "john updike?" "sure.sure." "um,hewrotethisincredible essay on ted williams." "i think i sent this to you." "yeah,yousentittome so  many times, i think my computer has a yeast infection." "ha.i sendthistoeverybody." "it's my favorite thing to send." "anyway, uh, he wrote this awesome essay about ted williams' last -- ted williams was an incredible baseball player from the '40s and '50s." "hall-of-famer." "yeah.oneof thebest." "so, updike was at his very last game of his career." "and, you know, it's the last game of the season." "it's a meaningless game." "the only reason people have gathered in the stadium that day is to see ted williams go out, to see, like, how he's gonna say goodbye on the field." "and, you know, they're just -- everyone's watching this whole game." "there's a sort of swelling expectation." "everyone is, like, watching and hoping and praying, you know, for some sort of spectacular finale to crown this incredible career." "and as the crowd is sort of wanting and hoping and waiting, updike writes, "understand that we were a crowd of rational people," you know?" "and to me, that phrase, that sentence, that's it." "that's everything." "that's what makes -- that's what makes, not only baseball, but all of sports incredible, you know, like really, really special." "like, it really embodies our need for something mystical, truly mystical and transcendental to occur in an otherwise very rigid and structured activity." "oh,mygod." "you're turning into schopenhauer." "enough.i 'msorryiasked." "andinthisgodless,cold , bleak universe, it turned an atheist like me into a believer." "he'sgoingon aboutbaseball and a godless universe." "that'swhereiusuallylose  him -- a godless universe." "schopenhauer." "wouldyoureallytalkabout baseball or marriage?" "iamb-backinmarriage." "doyoufeellikeyou'rea little far away from manhattan?" "ijustthinkthatthat can exist outside of marriage, but i certainly respect and understand -- andwhenisay that,imean,  i think there are "marriages"" "of -- why'dyoudo  the quotes?" "well,because,they'renot  actually legal." "i think there are plenty of relationships that are" ""marriages," and i am talking about those, as well." "thatwouldbe apartyfoul ." "youcan'tswimthere,you know?" "ican'tswim." "there's a guy in the building who jet-skis to work." "oh." "yeah,inthesummer,heputs on his little wet suit." "he'slikethisalpha corporate guy." "wow." "babe,whatis it about,um,  the fake breasts in miami?" "isthatathing?" "dotheyjustswellwith the humidity?" "it'sthesamereasonshegot a c-section." "didyousayhumilityor humidity?" "thewomenin miamiget  c-sections so they don't mess it up down under." "inenglandtheydothat ,too." "they call it being, "too posh to push."" "no." "iwouldlovefor one moment in time for us to do like a vice-versa." "i want men for one day to understand what it is to be a woman on that side of... whatdoyoumean?" "like,thisoneguy that, like, apparently was attracted to me and totally thought i was amazing and then he was scared to do anything." "and i would go out on dates with him and he would be like," ""okay," and he'd, like, put me in the cab and i'd be like," ""just fuck me already."" "and i'd cry and cry." "ispent,like,sometime with  the team and i was in florence." "youwentto florence?" "you didn't tell me you went to florence." "yeah,i wentto florence." "howwasthat?" "itwasallright." "it was all right." "i actually saw a couple of games this time." "you know, they got -- they got this, uh -- they got this, like," "6'9" kid from brazil who has, like, a crossover that'll break both your ankles just watching him." "oh,yeah.cool." "i really give a shit about their team this year." "that's great." "did you see her?" "yeah,i sawher." "how'ditgo ?" "itwasfine." "she's, uh -- she's beautiful." "she's, um, married." "she has a kid." "gota kid?" "wow." "did you meet the husband?" "no,butwe wenttoa park and her kid jumped on the swing and i, like, pushed him a couple times." "and, uh, it was like" ""kramer vs. kramer," except we're not married and it wasn't my kid." "soitwasnothinglike" ""kramer vs. kramer."" "unfortunatelynot." "unfortunately, the metaphor breaks down." "wow." "is that... wow. is that electric?" "i mean, that -- isitthatobvious?" "yeah.it's--  really?" "i thoughtiwas try-- i was trying to keep it on the dl." "oh,yougotanelectric train -- t-toy train set?" "you got some toys?" "it'sa building-codething." "yeah?" "it'snotallowed." "there's a no-open-flame-pit policy." "hmm." "infact,it 'sacity-wide ordinance, i learned." "you can't have any open-flame pits anywhere in the city." "hmm." "excepttheonlyplaceyoucan do it is in designated areas of city parks." "areyourunningfor city councilman?" "therewasa kinder way to say that." "yeah." "you got my vote, my friend." "thankyou." ""we'll see you at the ballot box on tuesday."" "whataboutyou?" "are you still chasing mia?" "i figured she'd be here by now." "i thought she'd come running around the corner or something." "she'scoming.iinvitedher." "oh,sothat'sayesthen?" "no,that'sanothen ." "really?" "i'moverallthat,lee." "yousure?" "yeah.i 'msure." "you'rereally,really, really, really over all that?" "lee,i haven'tspoketoher in over a month." "the defense rests." "youseeinganybodyelse?" "igotafew honiesonthe radar." "yeah?" "mm-hmm." "yougotastable?" "igotasmallstable." "uh-huh." "igotnothing.i'm cold." "i'm empty." "well,it'sagoodthingmia is coming." "itis." "it will be nice to see her." "all right." "i got to get an extension cord and, um, some food." "you all right?" "sheisacouples'therapist." "i was speaking to her." "you know what the major problem between, um, couples?" "iguess...money?" "exactly." "i was kind of surprised to hear that, no?" "no.no.no ." "no?" "peopleare,youknow,so ready to talk about their, you know, scarring childhood experiences... mm-hmm.mm-hmm.mm-hmm." "...and,youknow,the first to volunteer about their troubling, you know, sexual proclivities." "andthenhe was,like,hewas really dim." "so i couldn't really make it work." "hewasdumband hehada  small penis." "whataboutthelasttime i got a brazilian bikini wax, as it's happening, she goes," ""uh-oh."" "wait- -what?" "thatistheworstthingyou can say during such a thing." "kyle.what'sup ?" "shewentin forabrazilian and she came out with a cliterectomy." "no,no.youheardright." "no, i got in thursday." "i'm here till tuesday." "yeah. i'm over at sasha's." "there's this little barbecue thing happening -- about 15 people on his veranda." "yeah." "no, no. you should -- you should come over." "yeah, yeah. come over." "otherwise, you'll only get to see me down in atlantic city, where i'll be gambling with all kinds of people who look like they should be in wendy's commercials." "i'lltellyouwhat." "yeah- -no,no ." "it's totally fine." "in fact, he's -- he's right here and he says it's fine." "yeah." "yeah." "no, just jump on the verrazano." "cool. awesome." "okay, cool." "i'll see you in a few minutes." "yeah, hurry up, because we're gonna start eating all this stuff." "thatgame'sannoying." "it'sfuckingannoying." "kyle?" "yeah.yeah." "okay. cool." "itdoesn'tworkhere." "foundit." "uh,kylejustcalled." "oh,yeah?" "what's he up to?" "he's,uh,he 'scomingover." "youinvitedhimhere?" "yeah.justnowonthephone ." "he's in brooklyn." "he's gonna jump on the verrazano, yeah." "why'dyouinvitehim ?" "whydidi invite him?" "because he's kyle." "he's, like, our oldest friend." "youdon'tthinkyou could have asked me first?" "icouldhaveaskedyoufirst ?" "youdon'tthinkyou could have walked six feet that way and asked me?" "andissuedyouaformal permission slip?" "i'mthehostoftheparty ." "it's my little place." "you could have at least checked in with me, don't you think?" "what'swiththeformality?" "what'swiththediscardingof common courtesy?" "didsomethinghappenwithyou and kyle?" "i'mjustsayingyou could have asked me." "the reason i haven't spoken to mia in over a month is 'cause she and kyle briefly... dated -- if that's even the right word." "wow." "thatwasso --  aretheystilldating?" "well,no." "you know, it's -- you know, it's kyle, you know?" "it lasted five weeks and then it ended... obviously." "obviously.yeah." "wow, what a dick move." "canyoucallhim and tellhim not to come?" "i'mnotgonnadothat.no." "whatdoyoumeanyou'renot gonna do that?" "dude, you called him a fucking minute ago." "just call him and tell him -- it'skyle-- he 's,like,our  oldest friend." "he's gonna show up." "we're gonna have some drinks." "he's gonna act like a goofball." "it's gonna be fine." "lee,i don'twanthim here." "it's gonna be weird." "just give him a call and say he can't make it." "sasha,ifthishappenedin europe, we'd all drink some chilled pastis and put our speedos on and jump in the sea." "a-andhaveabig orgy." "like, if it were -- we're not in italy anymore, okay?" "this is staten island." "we drink shitty beer, you know?" "we jerk off. we hold grudges." "that's what we do here." "just don't make it a big deal." "just call him and say something came up and blah, blah, blah." "i'mnotgonnacallhim." "lee,i-ican'tfuckingdeal  with this this afternoon." "youknowwhat?" "if you were, uh, really over mia, you'd probably be able to handle this just fine." "youaresucha douche." "i'ma douche." "you'renotgonnacallhim,  are you?" "no." "mm-hmm.okay.fine." "i need a drink." "how you guys doing?" "wewouldlikeanotherdrink please." "ohh.mypapa.mmm ." "youwantadrink,aswell?" "yeah,please." "oh,justalittle refreshment." "anotherwhitewinefor me." "thank you." "whitewine." "you're not finished." "do you want to finish that?" "uh,okay,thanks." "imean,everydropcounts, right?" "mm-hmm." "inth--in thesetimes." "in these tough times." "hydrationstation." "hey, how is your book going?" "uh,it'sgoingokay." "i got, uh, five weeks until i have to hand out the first draft to the editor." "mm-hmm." "yeah?" "well,hopefully,it 's somewhat close to what everyone thinks." "sohaveyoubeenbluffing,or are you really -- are you up to speed?" "uh,i 'dsayit 'samix and  match." "you'rewritingbook?" "mm-hmm.yeah." "he'swritingabookonthe--  the -- the -- the -- the greatest, uh, sports failures in history?" "yeah,basically." "yeah, that's right." "it kind of explores the different types of collapse we've seen in sports over the past few years and same with history." "archetypalcollapses." "that'sright.that'sright." "that's in the forward." "okay." "seeingifourhistorycan teach us any lessons -- that sort of thing." "interesting." "jonathan'salsoa psychologist." "oh,youare?" "cool." "mm-hmm." "what'syourfield?" "well,i wasdoingmostly research on, uh, um, uh, treatment-resistant depression." "uh, but i've been working lately in the field of, uh, intensive, short-term, dynamic psychotherapy, you know, uh, dealing with trauma cases, abuse victims, so on and so forth." "cool.great." "youdosports?" "idosports.yeah." "okay,that'sonethingi don't know anything about, right?" "hedoessports." "yeah,well,trauma,abuse victims -- they kind of tend to hog up the spotlight these days." "uh-huh.right." "athletes- -they'retheones who really need some help." "well,weallneedalittle money, right?" "hear,hear.that'sright." "completely." "allright." "i'll get you some drinks." "okay.thankyousomuch ." "thankyou." "thankyou,sir." "lookwho'sallgrownup." "trying." "*hellosudoku who,uh... iwasopentomeeting-- where is the man that everyone talks about?" "where is he?" "whatdoyoumean?" "iwasopentothat ,andyou know what i got." "chlamydia?" "iwishiwas likethat ." "what- -thatyoucould,just , like sleep with... i'veneverdonethat." "i've never had a one-night stand." "after a one-night stand, i'm always like, "here's the key to my apartment."" "well,thesedon'tsoundlike  one-night stands, right?" "*let'sgetmarried they'renotreallyone-night stands." "they'redudesthatyou knew." "that'sright." "it's not a true -- i had one true one." "whatareyougonnado?" "sometimesi thinkaboutit and i want to throw up in my mouth." "differenttable." "cani justsay,ihave -- certainly, there is this thing that men have when they're so attracted to someone that they're that it's... often, the best sex that you ever have are with people that" "you don't like as much, because it's easier." "it'seasier." "ihadno idea." "aww.youlookgreat." "yeah,ithasbeen." "this is my friend, kiko." "mia!" "thisislee!" "mia!" "hi." "hi." "nicetomeetyou ." "kiko,niceto meetyou ." "gosh,it'samazingout here." "iknow.lookatthelights." "it's looks like a little toy city over there, doesn't it?" "beautiful.i likeit ." "putiton abirthdaycake ." "hey!" "oh,shit.what'sup, girl?" "how are you?" "idon'tknowwhatido, but every time i say the word" ""birthday cake," girls walk away from me." "they- -theyhavetodelay gratification to blow out the candles." "did you ever think of that?" "adamisour... secret weapon of the day." "he has some special gifts he's going to share with us if you coax him enough and you keep his glass full." "oh,yeah?" "apparently,heneeds,like, about a half a bottle of whiskey to be prepared." "so i'm gonna be on that." "what'syourspecialgift?" "kiko,doyou want some wine?" "um,yes.andvodka." "yes, wine." "wine please." "well,letme ask." "howyoudoing?" "i'mokay." "mm-hmm." "gotsomepeanutsonme?" "yeah.howareyou ?" "thanksforcoming." "you go first." "thanksforinvitingme." "how are you?" "uh,i 'mdoingwell.thanks." "yeah?" "youinviteda- - youbrought a friend?" "ibroughtkiko." "kiko." "isthatokay?" "yeah.ofcourse." "shewaswithmetodayand brought her along." "sure.cool." "howisthebook?" "how is your life?" "how is -- lifeisokay." "the book is okay." "five weeks until i hand it off to the editor for the first go-through." "areyouokaywiththat ?" "ithinkso ." "is sh gonna be okay with that." "that's the question." "howareyoudoing?" "what have you been up to?" "um...workingmostly." "trying to keep busy." "mm-hmm." "you want a drink?" "desperately." "vodkasoda?" "vodkasodawouldbegood ." "stilldrinkit likethat?" "okay." "yeah." "okay." "wait- -areyoupluggingyour  grill in?" "yeah,it's,uh ,building codes." "you can't have any open-flame pits." "yougotan electricgrill." "yeah." "soyou'vereallymovedupin  the world." "i'mjusttrying to play by the rules." "it's a city-wide ord-- it has to be about four, by the way." "if anybody changes that." "didyoutry-- drinks.forgot." "oh,mygod." "i was gonna put out a missing-persons report -- amber alert." "shit." "lee!" "didyoutryonyour poker face?" "oh,excuseme ." "sorry." "i didn't mean to, uh, rip you... no,it'scool." "what'sthestory?" "why are you here?" "i'mherebecausei'm actually playing in a tournament in atlantic city." "poker." "three-daytournament,buy-in." "yeah. yeah. poker. yeah." "but you know what?" "i have found this new game that i am so excited about... dotell." "...whichhasreplacedevery single crushed lady experience i've ever had." "andit'scalledbackgammon." "you've heard of it, right?" "that- -that'smy game." "what?" "i'mhalfgreek--it's like  backgammon and yogurt." "that's -- that's what we do." "well,wegottoplay like  right now." "let'sdoit ." "let's do it." "doeshehaveaboard?" "it'sfuckingsasha." "he has every game known to man." "lookwho'shere." "she'snotanythingtoo  special, right?" "hey,badass." "sayno.sayno. say no." "both:mwah!" "nicetoseeyou ." "you smell yummy." "oh,thankyou." "you'rewelcome." "hi." "i'mjonathan." "i'mleyla." "it's very nice to meet you." "veryniceto meetyou ,leyla." "hi. how are you?" "welcome to this... gorgeousness." "gorgeous." "mm-hmm." "lookatthatview." "cani justsay,um- - * smoke on the water [vocalizing guitar riff together]" "alittleblueoystercult -- don't want to scare you." "but speaking of the water, how was your -- how was your -- how was your trip?" "uh,well,it waskind of awful, actually." "really?" "yes." "whatwasawfulaboutit?" "i mean, it's free." "iknow,but,like,iwas ,  like, totally stoked and everything." "this guy sat down next to me." "he was dressed in dallas cowboys' gear." "i fucking hate football." "and he starts, like, telling me the entire history of the dallas cowboys." "apparently, they were named... hey,lee." "...therangers,thenthe  cowboys." "ifoundit ." "icouldhavebroughtdown -- thiswasn'therebefore, right?" "backgammonfantasia." "right here." "wow. look at this board." "it's like something you get from hammacher schlemmer." "thisiswhyiknow ican  count on you, man." "you set up the podium." "idid." "we'regoodto go ." "you do it for me, or is it a career?" "addict." "youknowi'manaddict." "well,we'reall addicts in our own way." "hey." "i'mgonnachallengethe  winner." "wow." "you just showed up so fast." "you're gonna challenge the -- we got, like, a whole -- iflewin forthis." "abackgammoncomeback." "unbelievable." "well,youknow,i'm iranian." "this is what we do." "oh." "well,you'reiranian." "she's greek." "we have a backgammon international summit happening." "yeah,but,youknow,we invented the game." "oh." "herpeopleinventedsodomy." "jesuschrist." "well,i haveavarsityletter in sodomy, so we're -- sodomyanddemocracy--i  believe that's the pillars of modern society." "ah,yes." "yes, they certainly are." "greece -- where men are men and sheep are scared." "doyouguys know each other?" "oh." "no,butiwanttoknowyou right now." "hey.i 'mleyla." "hi,leyla.i'mlee ." "it'sverynicetomeet you." "hey,youknowwhat?" "sit in. sit in for me." "no,i don'twantto interrupt." "i'mgonnago checkonsasha over there." "yeah." "you should watch out for this guy." "this is his, uh, day job." "what?" "you play this professionally?" "amongotherthings." "i'm also -- i am also -- i do topiary and i -- and i -- and i sheer sheep." "thosearerealjobs,but backgammon is like, i mean, to be honest, like what the unemployed do." "well,that'swhatmyparents say, too." ""characterteachesaboveour  will."" "maybe that's it." "and so you can have this idea of who you want people to see and who you want to be in your whole personality, but your character is going to be mutinous enough and it's going to -- it's going" "to be this fault line that is going to, you know, kind of upset this -- this persona you want." "mm." "imean,notthatineedto explain it." "you're a deep thinker." "i mean, you read scientific american." "what am i talking about?" "soarewe friendsagain?" "wewerenevernot friends." "iwasbeginningtowonder." "i'mreallysorryyou got  hurt." "yeah." "allright." "i'm ready." "i'm ready to be your, um... my- -mygirlslave?" "i'mreadyto be  your girl slave." "sonowthisarticleisabout  a stroke victim." "he had had two strokes." "visual cortex -- kaput. over. right?" "mm-hmm." "sotheretinaswerestill functioning perfectly." "they picked up the object." "the information bypasses the visual cortex -- 'cause that's broken -- goes to another area of the brain, which processes the information." "so the stroke victim goes on an obstacle course." "he doesn't bump into anything -- nothing!" "shutup.no ." "hecouldholduphowmany fingers?" "four." "how many fingers?" "two." "and they call this blindsight." "he could sense the image." "he could feel it, he said." "whoisrunningblindpeople on obstacle courses?" "like how do you -- how do you pose that to someone?" "thesechristianbitcheswere like, "put it in the rear end, because my front's for jesus."" "that part's for my husband." "allforhissake." "sasha. sasha." "that'stotallydelusional." "savemefromthissituation." "th--this -- it's degenerating like anything." "what'sgoingon ?" "adam- -getadamtodo whatever his thing is." "whatdotheykeeptalking about?" "imean,he justkeepsholding out on us." "adam,whatdo yousay ?" "i think you -- i think you've tortured them long enough." "doitalready." "doit!" "do it !" "comeon.let'sgo. let 'sgo." "dothismysterious-- it'sprettygood.watchthis ." "oh." "oh,shit." "nice." "whatthefuck?" "thisis serious." "[vocalizing,imitatesdeejay scratching vinyl] oh,shit,that'ssogood ." "thisisavirgin." "[laughter, cheers and applause] iwasgonnatellyou." "i was gonna tell you." "areyouserious?" "firstofall,it'snotmy fault." "sasha,butwhy?" "youareastar!" "leespokewithhim onthe phone." "he didn't know what was going on between you guys." "sasha." "look,hedidn'tknow." "it's not his fault." "i didn't invite him." "ishouldjustgo. come-- youdon'thavetogo,okay?" "it'snot-- it 'snotgonnabe a big -- iseverythingokay?" "mia,it-- it 'snotabig deal." "sooner or later, you're gonna have to deal with this anyway, right?" "laterwouldhavebeen preferable, but... sometimesyoudon'talways get preferable." "sometimesyou don't." "i'msorry." "and i was gonna tell you that he's on his way." "i just didn't think he'd get here this quickly, and i was... to be honest, i was just... building up the nerve to tell you." "it's not gonna be a big deal." "mia." "let me know if you want to get out of here." "we can get the hell out of here." "it'sfine.it 'sfine." "givemethesignal." "i'ma biggirl." "you're a big guy." "ididn'tseethat." "oh,shit." "wow.lookat thisview." "allright." "ex-boyfriend." "hey." "hey,man.how'sitgoing?" "how'sitgoing,man ?" "good.howareyou ?" "good.goodto seeyou ,buddy." "yeah,likewise." "beenawhile." "i brought some tequila... cool." "...and,uh,lulu." "hi.sasha." "hi.niceto meetyou ." "nicetomeetyou ,aswell ." "youlookbeautiful." "thisisyourplace?" "thisismy place." "thanks,kyle." "ididn'tknowyou 'dbehere ." "meneither." "hi." "where'slee?" "where'slee ?" "i'mlulu." "mia." "both:niceto meetyou ." "nicetomeetyou ,too ." "lulu." "kiko." "ah,whatthefuck are you doing here?" "ihaveno idea." "i've never been to staten island before." "youguysknoweachother?" "yeah,howweird." "yeah,that'sso strange." "um...youcamewithkyle ?" "yeah,yeah." "we're seeing each other." "but who do you know here?" "mia." "she's -- she's incredible." "she's an incredible designer." "oh,you'readesigner." "that's awesome." "itry." "idosomemodelingforher." "ilovefashion." "we're models." "we see each other at castings all the time." "oh,yeah?" "so,um... prettyrandom." "how random, right?" "isthisoneofyours?" "um,uh,no ." "this is just a vintage dress." "well,it'sgorgeous." "oh.thankyou." "iloveyourbelt,too." "it's awesome." "thanks." "um, uh, i'll be right back." "yeah,um... i- -nevermind." "just- - nicetomeetyou ." "yeah,niceto meetyou ,too ." "she'stotallyhumble." "she's, like, she's incredible." "she'sa knockout." "i love her dress." "no.herdesignsare -- hey,hey,hey." "do you mind if i open up this bottle?" "tequila?" "no." "there's the glasses in there." "thanks,man." "no,i know.iknow." "actually, i think -- hey. hi." "hi,kyle." "youlookgreat." "thanks." "ididn'tknowyou 'dbehere ." "ididn'tknow you'd be here, either." "yeah." "imissyou,you know?" "thenwewentoveronthe verrazano." "it was really -- iknow." "isn't it insane here?" "it's like the most beautiful place i've ever seen." "i don't think i could live here." "hey,howaboutsometequila, man?" "no,i 'mcool.thankyou ." "really?" "really." "youdon'twanttodoashot  with me?" "idon'tdrinktequila,man." "yougotagrill." "igotagrill." "isthisthingelectric?" "it'selectric." "yeah." "itis." "you're grilling these days, huh?" "trying." "howyoubeen?" "are you seeing anybody?" "no?" "mnh-mnh." "why do you ask?" "well,youknow,i'd loveto see you get together with somebody, you know?" "you want some help cooking burgers?" "uh,i thinkit 'sunder control." "thanks." "yousure?" "i mean, i'm good -- i'm good with the burgers and the dogs." "i'msureyouare ." "soisthat... ifi - -ifineedyou,  i'll -- i'll let you know." "allright.allright." "it's good to see you, man." "likewise." "idon'tknow." "youguyswantadrink?" "tequila?" "um...sure." "whataboutyou,babe?" "iamon acleanse." "youarealwaysona cleanse." "whycan'tyoulearn?" "get me a water." "get me a -- get me a tea." "allright." "i'll get you some water." "nocaffeine." "i'llberightbackwith your  water." "you'reonacleanse?" "what kind of cleanse?" "yeah,i 'mjust fucking with him, though." "um, it's basically... she'sonafuckingcleanse." "...noeating." "ifit'sgood,you can 'thave it." "right." "ifitsmellsgoodcomingout of the oven, you can't eat it." "noalcohol.no cigarettes." "no eating." "iseverythingallright?" "12weeks." "i guess i'm just weak-willed." "whathappenedin there?" "don'tworryaboutit." "it's fine." "itwasso weird." "it was like this little, um, promotional thing." "okay." "hey." "hey." "it's good. it's fine." ""don'tworryaboutit" ?" "i'msorry." "i didn't mean it." "it's just not -- it's the same old crap." "i'm sorry." "like,i justhadto, like, check off, like, red or black and then you send it in and you get a little gift." "howdotheydoit?" "it'sverychic." "yeah, i guess if you went with red, it might be like -- ithinkredand goldis, like, too -- welcometohell." "soharihadathreesome." "andthattoo,right?" "i think red-and-gold is, like, so chinese." "youknow?" "whatisshedoingasthisis happening?" "she's,like,playingatari." "but... sowhataboutyou ?" "ididnotrecordthat part ." "ihaven'tsaidanythingto lulu, talk to her, 'cause i ain't gonna take her." "whereareyougonnago?" "i'mgonnago to -- idon 't know -- fuckin' buenos aires, man." "it's gonna be fucking great." "yeah." "what'sinbuenosaires?" "getonaplane." "i don't know -- fuckin' discos -- whatever they got down there." "who knows." "yougonnawearag-string?" "i'llwearag-string." "areyougonnaget atan?" "i'llwearad-string." "i'll wear an e-string." "yougonnafrostyourhair ?" "like what -- what's going on?" "hey, sasha!" "do you, uh, want some help over there?" "'cause i can beat lee at this backgammon game and help you cook at the same time." "no,i thinki'mokay.thanks." "yeah?" "whydon'tyoufocuson beating lee for now?" "okay." "did you talk to him?" "is he okay?" "yeah,i talkedto him." "i think he's a little... i think he's a little bent out of shape about what happened with mia." "yeah.well,whatever." "kyle,itwas--come on." "you got to admit." "it's sort of a dick move." "oh,really?" "adickmove ?" "i think it was actually the best thing that could've happened to him, okay?" "really?" "yeah." "i'm not standing in anybody's way." "i mean, personally, look -- i think they make a fucking beautiful couple, man." "hey, sasha!" "you and mia should do, like, a reality cooking show at the grill." "you know, you can call it" ""sasha and mia barbecue."" "wait a minute." "isn't sasha and mia obama's kids' names?" "wait a minute." "how about "sasha and mia: sm in the kitchen"?" "comeon." "play some backgammon." "the dice are waiting for you." "comeon." "i know she's into that shit, personally." "he is a quiet one, though, on the other hand." "you can never quite tell with him." "whyareyoudoingthis ,kyle ?" "he'squiet." "why?" "justcutit out." "cut it out." "what'sgoingon ?" "no,youguyslookgood  together -- keep grilling." "nothing." "don't worry about it." "cookitup ." "kyle." "whatthefuckhas got into him tonight?" "doyoueverget the feeling like people are talking about you before you walked in the fucking room?" "yeah,theygotaname for that, and it's in several dictionaries and thesauruses." "yeah,well,you... uh...i don'treallyknow." "i think your boyfriend's really drunk." "peoplethinkthati'm an asshole." "maybeweshoulddosomething about it?" "buti amjusthonestand observant and i don't go both ways." "i don't play it both ways." "i play it straight." "i'msorry." "i can hear you, you know?" "iamnotwhispering." "clearly." "what'sgoingon ?" "justforgetit ." "hey." "what?" "just settle down." "couldsomeonepleasetellme what's going on, since, clearly, everyone here knows something i don't?" "you'll find that happens a lot with kyle." "oh,really?" "what'sshetalkingabout?" "howareyougonnagetoutof  this one?" "it'snoneof yourfucking business." "how am i -- you want to do it like this?" "doi wantto do it likethis?" "did i start this whole business?" "ihaveno problemdoingit like this." "whatthefuckisgoingon?" "everybodyjustcalmdown, please." "okay.you'reright." "i'm sorry." "this is really unfair to you." "oh,hey!" "the sisterhood." "why don't you guys punch fists and, uh, light up the sky?" "fuck that. lookit." "okay, basically, mia and i went out a couple times, spent some times together, and now we don't." "why?" "callitwhatitis." "why?" "i don't know." "that's a good question." "i would say because mia said that it was because of another woman." "okay." "what?" "that'snotit?" "you tell it, then. you tell it." "tell your side of the story." "itwasn'tbadenoughyouhad to embarrass me, you want to do it in front of all these people?" "fine." "i cared, kyle." "i cared, but you destroy things." "you can't help yourself." "it wasn't another woman." "it was you." "at least be fucking honest about that." "okay,ifthatmakesyoufeel better... allright.allright." "enough. enough." "oh,thewhiteknighthas arrived!" ""i shall save the fair maiden."" "okay." "see,kyle,thisisexactly why i didn't invite you here today, all right?" "'cause i knew you'd fucking pull some shit like this." "you're -- you're a fucking child." "you're a child." "iamtryingtohelp you." "i've always tried to help you." "you'retryingto helpme?" "!" "yeah.wakeup ." "wakeup?" "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" "oh,youdon'tget it?" "you know what, go back to your fucking grill, play your little grill, "i'm cooking up your burgers, barbecue."" "you know, just go back to playing house, please." "kyle.kyle." "let's go." "no." "will you just stay out of it?" "it's none of your business, okay?" "iknowit 'snoneofmy business, i just -- justhaveagoodtime ." "ijustwanttogo." "allright,well,thengo." "the fucking ferry -- it's over there." "go." "you'rea fuckingasshole." "lulu... whydon'tyougowith her,  kyle?" "what,you-- oh ." "okay, you want me to go so that you have a better shot with mia?" "is that it?" "no,kyle." "that's not generally how i view my friends." "you've- -oh,so we 're friends?" "i'm sorry, because i didn't get the invitation." "i didn't realize we were still friends." "guess my mailman is... on sick leave." "whenyoutwogot together,me and every fucking person on this balcony knew it wouldn't last five minutes, okay?" "everybody here knew that." "i knew that... ifeellikewe'rethekidsin the back bedroom and our parents are fighting or something." "shh." "...ikeptmy mouthshut, okay?" "i said, "hey, who knows?" "maybe it's different." "let's see what happens."" "and sure enough, you do it all to yourself anyway." "yeah.that'swhatyou do." "you keep your mouth shut." "you've always kept your mouth shut." "until now, where you're saying all this shit, but you're not saying the real thing, man." "allright." "get the fuck out of my apartment." "is that real enough for you?" "fuckyou." "youguysareactinglike a couple of sixth graders." "holdon.it 'sokay." "it's okay. it's okay, lee." "i -- it's under control." "iwantyoutoleave,kyle." "orwhat?" "getthefuckout ofmy apartment." "dosomething." "make me go." "how about now?" "i won't get hurt." "i promise." "come on. dukes up." "dukes up." "comeon." "lookit. i'm not gonna get hurt." "go ahead." "take a swipe." "who wants to take a swipe?" "anybody here?" "come on. touch it." "touch it. feel it." "it's smooth." "oh, yeah." "fuckingidiot." "you are a total idiot." "nowwegotaparty." "i'm sorry." "i'm sorry, man." "you know, this is me." "this is me." "let's have a good time." "come on." "i'm sorry i ruined the party." "let's have a drink." "i just lost with lulu." "i mean, what the fuck?" "it's a good cure." "tequila." "on me. i apologize." "i apologize." "i'm the bad guy." "i'm always the bad guy." "you know that about me." "i love you guys." "i love you because you love me for being an asshole." "and you let me be an asshole." "i'm sorry, man." "the thing is, kyle, you fucking knew, okay?" "you knew, all right?" "okay, i don't have the courage that you have." "i admit it, okay, and maybe i do wish i can do things the way you do sometimes." "fine. okay?" "but you were my friend, and you fucking knew, okay?" "everyone here, they fucking make jokes, they assume certain things, that's fine, okay?" "you don't need to assume anything, 'cause you fucking knew." "you knew everything." "you knew exactly how i felt." "you remember when we were walking in the east village and you fucking asked me, hmm?" "do you remember we were walking in the east village and you asked me, "are you in love with mia?"" "hmm?" "if you saw obviously i didn't give a fuck about anything, why did you even ask me, hmm?" "itwasn'tme youshouldhave  been telling." "whatdidyoutellhim?" "idon'tknow." "geez,comeon ,sasha." "come on." "bullshit detector." "itdoesn'tmatter.imean -- itmattersto me ." "just tell me." "just- -willyoutellher?" "itoldhimthat--itold him that i always felt that it took two people to be in love... until i met you." "and i told him that i'd wait forever for the chance to be with you." "no,no.youdothe- - you know, you're supposed to pick me up when you take us into -- well,atsomepoint... sasha,no!" "aah!" "oh, my god." "i'm gonna pee my pants." "oh, sasha... no, no, no, no, no." "i-i have to go to the bathroom." "whereareyougoing?" "justgiveme amoment." "whereareyougoing?" "ihaveasurpriseforyou." "youknowhowifeel about surprises." "what?" "youlikethem." "well,thatisometimeslike  them." "youlikethemwheni'mgonna  end up naked." "ilike... i'mmakingmy virginaldebut here." "isn'titabit lateforthat?" "sasha!" "this is our night." "we got to pretend just a little bit." "that'swhati'mtalking about." "areyouready?" "i'mfuckingready." "areyouready?" "i'mready!" "okay." "first, this." "that'sjustalittletaste, hubby." "that'sa littleappetizer." "ijustneedone moreminute." "i just got to make everything perfect." "hey,i gotasurprisefor you." "whatdoyouhaveforme?" "justa littlesurprisefor  you." "itbetterbe big." "oh,it'sbig,baby." "here'smylittlebig surprise for you." "here it comes." "no,youcan'tcomeinhere." "sasha!" "sasha!" "here'smybigsurprise." "stop." "hereitcomes." "youcan'tseeme." "i want it to be a surprise." "igotasurpriseforyou." "no.youcan'tdothat ." "whynot?" "i'm the fucking -- i'm the groom." "i get what i want tonight." "oh,no,no ,no ." "you can't. listen." "i don't want to see what you got, and you can't see what i got." "haven'ti followedenough rules for one fucking day?" "okay." "ifeellikeall i'm doingis following the rules." "i feel like i'm bending over for the man over here." "ta-da!" "ta-da!" "faye." "faye." "hey." "faye." "it'salllessons." "these are lessons." "no, you're not." "it's not just -- you'rejust-- you'rejuston my case about this all the time, and i feel like it's just not what i'm saying at all." "itiswhatyou 'resaying." "youareactingtomelikei 'm down on this wedding, and you know that's not true." "you know i think that sasha and faye are an amazing couple." "becausetheyare." "iknowyouthinkthat ." "but,youknow,you 'reacting like i'm kind of insulting them because i don't want to be in this situation right now." "whatyou'redoingisyou're making this about how you don't want to be happy." "all of a sudden, it's like... oh,thatis suchacrock!" "...you'rewatchinghappiness, and you're like, "oh, well, that's not..."" "i'mjustbeingpragmatic." "we'retryingto helpyou ." "whatdidyousay ?" "pragmatic?" "ah!" "youandfaye." "yeah." "yourealizethatshe isbeing impregnated right now." "yeah,i know." "she's gonna be popping out babies any second." "yeah?" "are you ready to be an aunt?" "god,no." "that sounds so old -- being an aunt." "i mean, no offense to you." "well,i 'mnotan aunt." "you're not -- i know." "butyouarecute." "how old are you?" "andi  think it's just genital mutilation no matter how you look at it." "howdidyouget him onhis favorite subject?" "ihavehearditsaid that it is, uh, cleaner." "oh,shutup ." "that whole cleanliness thing -- that's like saying -- that's like saying, um, oh, you shouldn't -- you should cut your ear off in case you get ear wax." "that's just such a load of rubbish." "it's genital mutilation." "thisisoneofhispet theories." "i don't know how you managed in the two minutes that i was gone to find a way to talk about it." "whati reallyhateiswhen  american people go," ""i'm having my son circumcised because i want him to look like me."" "is that a thing you do in america -- oh, watch it." "at thanksgiving, you go home and you, uh -- you and your dad get your cocks out and compare them?" "is that what you do?" "andyoudon'tdothat in scotland?" "i mean, come on." "you got to hang it out there and let them know." "yougetyourcockoutin scotland, it falls off because of the cold." "comeon." "ijustthink,you know,my penis is my -- issheasleep?" "yeah,she'sfastasleep." "whatdiditellyou?" "youwereright." "you were right." "ofcourseiwas right." "thank you." "couldn'tbotherto go andput  her to bed yourself." "hejustlovesclackingthose balls." "i'mtryingto winagame  here, sweetheart." "here'sone.here'sone ." "we've got an expert." "thisisgonnahelpus." "thesetwoaregivingmea hard time, right?" "they -- they talk about getting married, and in their minds, it's like being raptured." "it's like you just get to leave your single body and head up into the heavens." "canyouhelpme, please?" "helpyou?" "yes.saveme ." "iwasn'tawarethatyou needed help." "ido.she'slike14." "she's been hanging on me all night." "whenyousay"happyplace,"i think about being a mental patient, but... ihaveno problemfinding penises to fit inside my hole." "i need someone to share time with me." "she'sa samplesize." "hey." "what'sgoingon in there?" "there'sjustapoolgame ." "hey,tex,comeherefora  second, honey." "i'mmissingtheconversation here." "what are they talking about?" "i'mdrowningin acloudof estrogen here, brother." "healwayswins." "whatdoyougot ?" "theywantto knowwhy anyone would want to get married, or what marriage is really like." "here'syourbottomline." "three words, okay?" "marriage- -back-door privileges." "that's all there is to it." "both:oh!" "baby,don'tpretend." "wait... bondageisanotherreason." "trust is a cornerstone of marriage." "she would not let me fully tie her up until we were married." "and believe me, was it the best thing that ever happened to you?" "listen,' causeyoudon't understand what i was trying to say." "it's not about -- whoo!" "champagne." "thankyouto whoeverbrought this man." "that is solid." "listen,i wastryingtosay this really quick, 'cause i think it's a misconception." "it's not about trying to change the person you're with, it's about the change that happens inside of you, on the inside... isthatwhitneyhouston talking, or is that -- listen,i 'mnot" "whitney houston." "it'srosesandsunshineand champagne... shh.shutit down." "listen." "it's about change like a rite of passage, like you go, you die, you have death and you have marriage and you have babies." "it'saboutwhatyou do inside the person you love." "listen,youcanget inside." "cani justsaythatireally think you're all getting it wrong?" "you've all just missed the point." "herewego ." "dr. brothers is here." "that- -thatamarriageisa really great excuse for everyone to come together and dress up and have fun and dance, and you look gorgeous and you feel horny, i mean -- hello." "together, we are beautiful, and also it's a really profound thing that you come together in front of all the people that you care about in your life and you say in front of them that you have found this person that is" "gonna be the one you're gonna be with forever, and you tell everyone." "that's a big, big deal." "yes." "idoknowwhati'mtalking about, 'cause i've done it twice." "andthat'sthereason... [indistinct conversations, laughter] youcan'tagree." "you just told me that you would never -- she just said she would never get married ever." "well,youknow--cheers." "he has a convincing point." "anyonewhosaystheydon't want to get married is a liar, liar, pants on fire." "well,i don'twanttoget married." "shutup." "youdon'twanttoget married?" "!" "no.notenough." "thinkoftheaccessories." "what'shappening?" "theshoes!" "o-m-f-g. o-m-f-g." "o-m-f-g." "all right, i know this." "i know this." "a conservative estimate -- i've researched this." "a conservative estimate -- one in four people interfere inappropriately with their pets, especially dogs." "no,wait,wait." "mybestfriendshelley--my  best friend shelley lost her virginity to a dog." "she did." "my best friend shelley... she lost her virginity to a dog." "idon'tevenhaveadog ." "youdon'thaveadog?" "ifyoueverget one --ifyou ever get one, you put peanut butter... hey." "uh, just want to say good night." "um, you look beautiful tonight, and i'm done-done." "this isn't my scene." "why?" "we can talk about something else." "i'mgonnago upstairs." "i need some rest." "i just need a break, you know?" "see you." "iwillnevereat apeanut butter and jelly sandwich again." "i just want you to know that." "listen,justsplurgeand get  almond butter." "just splurge." "oh,lookat herwithher luxurious pet fucking." "all her friends only lost their human virginity at 25." "both:humanvirginity!" "now,there's... getyourfuckingbuttnext to me." "wait!" "what the fuck are you doing up?" "whatareyoudoingup?" "um,i 'mhavingso muchfun at your party and super, super drunk, but what are you doing up?" "icameto getsomewater." "i want -- i want -- ineedsome... well, that's exactly what i need, too." "let'sgetsomewater." "water party." "emergencywater." "emergency water." "help me. help me. help me." "thereyougo ." "you are saved." "thankyou." "what'sgoingon ?" "um,i 'mhavingso much fucking fun." "i'msogladyou guysare still up." "absolutely." "let's -- let's bring it in." "bringitin ." "howthefuckdid you get this house?" "i actually don't think the owners know we're here." "it'sa weddingswap." "andlookwhatifound!" "reboot, reboot, reboot." "whereisyourwife?" "whatthefuckare you doing here?" "what the fuck are you doing here?" "fayepassedout." "you'resupposedto knockher  up, not knock her out." "ithinkthewhiskeybeat me to it." "no." "we never got as far as the underwear." "whatdoyoumean?" "youknowaboutthe underwear?" "oh, i simply must." "i simply must." "i can't resist." "my mom gave me this underwear." "well, he asked me a question." "wait,canwe notsee why she  might have passed out?" "heaskedthequestion." "itgoes,"no"and then"yes ."" "oh,i see." "butshegotitsolongago that it doesn't work anymore." "yourmomgaveyou those?" "sasha,youneedtotell them  the polar-bear joke." "the- -youtellher the  polar-bear joke." "icannottellher the  polar-bear joke." "whynot?" "itwasadisaster,'causei can't do a russian accent." "ido-- idotell itwell." "i do tell it well." "i got a deal. i got a deal." "with my pants down, i have a deal." "no, this is the deal." "hey!" "it's -- no." "i'll tell you the polar-bear joke if you sing us a song." "oh,yes!" "that'sfair." "that'sactuallykindof solid." "that'sverysweet,but i really don't feel up to it." "it's late, and my voice is gone, and i'm not feeling -- i don't feel comfortable." "iwantyoutosing ." "i want you to sing to me." "listen,hey.hey!" "i'm the groom." "it's my fucking night." "i get what i want, and i want a song." "that'sright." "sasha,i loveyou,but the  kids are sleeping." "i might wake them up." "i just feel like -- youcouldn'twakeupthekids with daisy cutters." "hey,listen." "i want you to sing, lena." "lena." "i want you to sing, and i'm going to -- itwillwork." "don't challenge hayden." "thisisachallenge." "is this a challenge?" "and just back off, bride boy." "i'mjustsayingit'sfutile, based on 20 minutes -- all right." "go to work. go to work." "oh,mylord." "it's the flower of scotland." "lena, i am a man." "youare." "andi wantyoutosing for me." "thechocolatevoice." "any minute, she's gonna go all marshy downstairs." "whatareyougonnasayto that?" "youareterrible." "i-i-i'm gonna say thank you." "yes." "andi-iappreciatethe energy that you're putting into this, but i feel like it's not what i should do tonight." "whataboutthat,uh, thatguy you were with, um... chris?" "youknowhis-- idoknowhis name." "i know his name his nick." "i knew." "nickwasverynice,very  lovely." "whatabout,um ...haydenover there?" "hayden's,um...beenvery helpful." "helpful?" "verygenerous." "he knows a lot of people." "helpful." "interesting way to put it." "okay." "is that how you, uh, climbed to the top so fast?" "byavoidingyourquestions?" "possibly." "where'skyle?" "kylewentto bed." "no,hedidn'tgoto--  hedid.idon 'tknow." "that's what he said." "let'sgowakehim up." "it'sreallylate." "it'slate?" "it'slate." "she'sup." "he's up." "these two are up." "these two are up." "it's not too late -- it's not too late for you guys." "onlybecauseit 'syour wedding night, and that your wife passed out on you, and this is your only chance." "that'sright." "iwilldo whatyou say ." "i'mentitledto something." "when your wife slips into a coma, you're entitled to something." "yourbestfriendsget tohold  your hand while you walk up the stairs." "attheveryleast,right?" "i mean, fucking-a, i must get some incentive." "justdon'ttryand take advantage tomorrow." "there'sa severancepackage, right?" "wait. is it this -- isthatwhatiam ?" "fuck that." "isitthisone ?" "i feel like i'm in high school." "shh." "keep it cool." "kyle." "kyle, it's aurora." "could -- do you want to go for a walk on the beach?" "it's really pretty out." "the light's really blue." "hey!" "that'sreallyfunny." "come on, man." "youfellforit." "yeah,i fell-- whatthe hell are you doing?" "why aren't you in bed with your wife?" "whyami- -  hetriedto giveher one ,but  that train is gone." "she'sinacoma." "oh,she'sin acoma?" "yeah." "whyisthat?" "why- -whyis that?" "let's talk -- no, let's talk about that." "yeah, who poured her those 50 psychotic fucking shots tonight?" "iwasjustdoingthepolite thing." "oh,thepolitething." "kyleisalwayspolite." "haven't we learned that?" "thepolitethingistoruin my fucking wedding night?" "that's the polite thing?" "okay,so,you'renot getting action tonight, so you want to come see me." "is that it, huh?" "you want to see me?" "you want some action." "i'mgettingscared." "youwantsomeaction?" "i love my wife." "i love my wife." "oh,god." "now i'm scarred." "now i'm scarred." "igotsomethingfor you ." "no, no, no." "it's a little more gentle." "remember this?" "that'swhati'mtalking about." "little bit of -- yeah." "nice and slow. yeah." "that's what i'm talking about." "mm. yeah." "isthathaydensinging?" "wait, shh." "that's hayden." "comeon.let'sgo." "don't- -whereareyou going?" "comeon." "come with me." "oh,great." "now we got to go listen to this fucking guy sing." "oh, fuck." "areyoujealousofhayden?" "yeah,mr.slickster?" "no." "hey,no,no ." "i think mr. slickster's banging mia." "okay,youknowwhat?" "i didn't need... to have that image in my head." "thank you." "youshouldgo downand talk to her." "oh,i don'tknow." "i think i blew it." "bullshit." "comeon.she'snot withhim." "why is she with that guy?" "bullshit." "hayden?" "yeah." "he'sgotalittle... yeah,hehasalittle." "let'sgodownand findout." "come on." "you gonna hang out for a while?" "yeah." "yeah?" "yeah,i 'mthere." "come on." "listentothis." "whothefuckbroughta fucking ukulele?" "there'sback-upsingers." "*hewentupstairstofuck her, but he only got a kiss * * 'cause sasha got married today * * kyle has come back with the groom * * they really want lena to sing soon *" "* they stayed up late, they stayed up nearly all night * * they're willing to beg, they're willing to fight * * so, for fuck's sake, will you please sing a song soon?" "* * si-i-ng * si-i-ng * si-i-i-ng" "* si-i-i-ng!" "okay, you're up, lady." "a deal's a deal." "youdidagoodjob." "ready?" "thisisreallyfor you , sasha." "thisisforme?" "yes.it'sforyou ,the groom." "blessyou,youngaurora." "isthatallittakes?" "well,thisbetterbegood ." "nopressure,sweetie." "*theeveningbreezecaress the trees tenderly * * the trembling trees embrace the breeze tenderly * * then you and i came wandering by * * and lost in our sigh were we * the shore was kissed by sea" "and mist tenderly * * i can't forget how two hearts met breathlessly * * your arms opened wide, and closed me inside * * you took my lips, you took my love so tenderly *" "don'tbefeared." "comehere." "mon dieu." "that was amazing." "are you like a proper singer?" "that really was stunning." "thatwasreallybeautiful." "haveyoueverdoneany, like , recording or anything?" "no.ofcoursenot ." "iknowthisguy intribeca, you know?" "he would totally love to do a demo with you." "seriously." "i mean, i'm not just, like, spinning you a line." "ithinkyou'rejustsaying that." "no,i 'mnot." "i mean, i could, but, no, he's really, he's like a friend, and he loves new voices." "you've got a beautiful voice." "thankyou." "ofcourse,i'dhavetohave first-row seats to all your concerts." "givehimalittlebitofthat cutlet." "givemealittlecutlet." "doyoureallywantacutlet?" "no." "what i really want -- not a cutlet." "i want to penetrate my wife." "cani havethat?" "ican'thelpyou withthat ." "youcan'thelpmewith that ?" "no." "youcouldhavekylepenetrate you." "he seemed to be quite eager upstairs." "comeon." "let me make something." "let's see." "we've got leftover chicken, potatoes -- how about eggs?" "eggs." "let's make an omelette." "let'smakesomething." "iwantto makeanomelette." "i'llhaveabite." "yeah,yousure?" "you'llhaveabiteofan  omelette?" "sasha." "weweretalkingaboutyou." "i'm so happy to see you, baby." "how are you doing?" "oh,i 'msosorry." "she'sawake." "ifellasleep." "hey,noapologiesin marriage." "no apologies." "you'remyhusband." "iknow." "andi fellasleeponthemost important night." "no,butyou'reupnow." "i'mupnow." "you'reupnow." "ijusthadadisconap." "that's all." "alittledisconap ." "don't judge." "stop judging." "stop judging." "becauseofyou." "that'swhatisaid." "he's- -he'sthedevil." "youarethedevil." "youknowwhat?" "it'smyfault." "it's my fault." "idon'tdrinkwhiskey." "i'm clearly a wine-spritzer kind of girl." "youknowshe'saspritzer girl." "icouldn'treadthe labelon the bottles." "i got them mixed up." "ididn'teatanythingtoday." "i didn't eat any-- i was so nervous, i didn't eat anything." "sasha, i need to eat." "youwantalittlesandwich?" "iwantyoutomake me--  doyouwantanomelette?" "he's making an omelette." "no." "i don't want anything you make, because i don't -- i don't trust anything -- that'syourloss." "youdon'twantaroofie omelette?" "no." "hemakesagoodroofie omelette." "iwantmy husbandtomake me something." "youwantasandwich?" "yeah." "will you make it for me?" "well,i 'llgetonefor you ." "shh!" "oh,mygod.ilove you." "ihearmy sister." "do you hear aurora?" "she'swithhayden." "she'stalkingto your boyfriend?" "you have to watch out for her, 'cause she's a little slut." "no, she's not." "sheis.sheis." "i know her." "i'm her sister." "i'm gonna go -- i'm gonna go save -- husband of mine, make me a sandwich." "i'm gonna save hayden." "she'sexploring." "it doesn't make her a slut." "ilikeyouasa husband." "ilike-- hey." "that's right." "i like being a husband." "yougotyourselfagood -- itfuckingsuitsme, right?" "right, this is -- this is -- right?" "yeah,it'sright." "i fit -- i fav-- no, seriously." "she likes you." "whyareyoulaughing?" "she likes you." "iseriouslylikeher ,too ." "ithinkshegenuinelylikes you guys." "well,welikeher ." "okay,look,it 'sasloppy sandwich." "i'm trying." "this is my first go as provider." "no, but that's the thing." "she does like you guys, and that's important to me, actually." "lookatthisguy ." "what?" "no,goahead.goahead." "you got something to say, say it." "ido,hey.you knowwhat ?" "goahead.sayit." "areyougood?" "look,whenyouguys--here." "you know what, the thing that me and faye are feeling right now -- listen to me, kyle." "i'mlistening." "couldyouturntome?" "could you give me a little eye contact?" "okay." "'causei-ido wanttosayit." "the thing that me and faye are experiencing right now is intense, but it's not that hard." "no, seriously." "i mean that." "like, it's not that difficult." "i think we overcomplicate it." "do you know what i mean by that?" "like, when you guys -- here, listen to me." "one of you fucking two fuckers listen to me for a second." "we'relistening." "we're listening." "no." "could you put down that fucking -- that omelette?" "we know where that's gonna be." "it's gonna be right there." "it's not gonna -- when you guys started going out, okay, like, fine." "i feel like i stepped into, sort of, the victim role." "i did. i felt like that." "i did." "and i felt like -- i felt like that -- if you touch that -- i felt like that owed me something." "i did." "and just, like, i don't feel that way anymore, okay?" "like it doesn't owe me anything, that emotion, that feeling, that situation, that experience doesn't owe me anything." "do you know what i mean by that?" "like, it doesn't owe me -- ido--  ifyoufuckinglookatthat omelette one more -- i'mmakingafucking omelette." "no.i don'tcare." "i don't care about that omelette." "i don't care, okay?" "that situation, that experience -- it doesn't owe me anything, okay?" "this is, like -- this is -- i'm trying to be -- you know, i'm trying to say something here." "i see you guys walking around the wrong people -- no, seriously, and it breaks -- hey,i loveyou." "no,shh." "it breaks my heart." "iloveyou." "itbreaksmy hearttosee that, and i feel a burden." "i feel a burden of responsibility for that." "i do." "okay." "hey, fuck, i just wanted to say that." "i'mhappyforyou ." "allright.allright." "iloveyou." "maybei 'llregretthat,but i want that to be on the ledger." "that's on the ledger." "i just wanted to say that." "thankyouforthat." "allright." "that's it. that's it." "enjoy your sandwiches." "gopenetrateyourwife." "enjoyyourwhatever." "well,thesandwichisout." "cold chicken cutlet?" "hebroughtme asandwich!" "soeasyto pleasemylady ." "so easy." "you got to open a door and grab a piece of meat." "thewholethingabout,um, you know, gravity -- someone would have sorted out the whole -- that's the apple going on the head." "someone else would have sorted that out, but -- but with" ""ulysses," for example, james joyce -- if he hadn't written that, i don't think anyone else would have." "idon'tknow." "i mean, maybe." "i hear what you're saying about science, like scientific discovery." "imean,thesescientific things could have happened, but the specific artistic things would never have happened without those people." "let'ssmokeacigarette." "youknow...my shrink'sgonna have a lot to say about this." "yourshrink?" "myshrink." "ididn'tknowyou saw a shrink." "youthoughtyouknew everything about me?" "well,doyouthinkyouknow everything about me?" "i'm seeing a shrink." "oh,youarenot ." "iam." "his name is dr. johansson yohansson." "it'strue." "oh,it'scold." "letmegetyou ajacket." "let me get you a jacket." "sochivalrousof you." "almost." "you'redoingreallywellfor yourself." "it'sbeenabusyyear ." "iknow." "i keep seeing your name in all the magazines." "oh,i didn'trealizeyou  followed fashion." "no.i 'mfollowingyou." "is this weird for you?" "thewedding?" "yeah." "did you have one of those" ""graduate" moments when he said his vows?" "no.i shouldn'tbe there." "it's not me. it's her." "it's right." "i can see it." "i mean, i guess it's weird." "you know, it's like no part of him belongs to me anymore." "but it's right." "what do you think?" "whatdoithink?" "i think we should, uh -- i think we should get married." "i think we should go to the south of france, get a house... oh, why didn't i think of that?" "...makesomecheese... youknow,i'vealwayswanted to be a farmer." "...havea couplefrench kids -- jean-zoa and jean-renoir." "getthefuckout ofhere ." "no.i thinki'mserious." "comeon." "ifuckedup ." "kyle... you'resobeautiful." "you look so good tonight." "i want you to give me another chance." "i miss you so much." "my life isn't the same without you." "hey, come here." "mia!" "mia?" "i'mhere." "i, uh... i went out for a cigarette." "i know." "abunchof peoplewantto play this game i played called mafia." "gamecalledmafia?" "it'sabout-- youkill people, and there's a mayor." "hey." "oh,that'swhereyou were." "how are you?" "good." "yeah." "um... mmm. looks delicious." "mm." "you want to come?" "we're gonna play this game, and it's called mafia." "want some?" "no,i 'mgood." "yougetto killpeople." "get to kill each other." "no, i'm good." "okay." "um, i'm gonna go and play, so are you coming?" "just come in whenever." "later." "don'tgo." "iwantto believeyou ,kyle." "i do." "you aren't allowed outside without a drink and a black-- and a back-up drink." "black-outdrink." "both!" "you need a black-out drink, a back-up drink, and a drink." "canwego backtoonething  that i don't get?" "what'sthat?" "whywouldyouwanttokill all the townspeople?" "hey." "ithoughteverybodywentto go play the game." "yeah." "they did." "look,aurora,ithinkyou're sweet... oh.okay." "no." "thebrideandgroom!" "to the bride and groom!"