"previously on "grey's anatomy"... you got some problems." "You've got some big problems." "I kissed a peds surgeon." "Calliope,this is julie,my date." "I'm seeing lexie." "Oh,my god!" "I think I broke it." "This is patient "X." "" She's a 29-year-old female we misdiagnosed with anemia." "I'm applying for a fellowship in pediatric surgery." "Which is not what we had discussed." "where's my wife?" "You killed her." "You're a murderer." "every surgeon I know has a shadow... a dark cloud of fearand doubt that follows even the best of us into the O.R." "dude,he is fried." "he's not fried." "He lost a patient and got hit with a lawsuit all in one week." "He just needs time." "He's been sittg there for three days." "The sofa cushions are gonna start bonding to his ass,and he's eating all my cereal." "he's taking stock." "Something huge and life-altering happened to him,and he's taking stock, figuring out his next move." "We shouldn't judge him." "We shouldn't rush him." "Whatever." "Sylvia plath's picking out all the marshmallows." "They're the best part." "And I'm pretty sure that he's sitting on my keys." "I'd ask him to move,but he looks so... comfy." "Oh,you guys are cowards." "You're eating." "That's good." "Appetite is good." "You know what else is good?" "Showering,cleansing,water." "Are you thinking you'll shower,maybe go into the hospital?" "I have to,for the deposition." "I have to go and explain in detail how I killed a man's pregnant wife." "That's good." "I mean,not the killing part,but the" "I-I think you'll feel better once you... go to... work." "He'll be fine." "We pretend the shadow isn't there... hoping that if we save more lives, master harder techniques,run faster and farther, it'll get tired and give up the E." "But like they say... you can't outrun your shadow." "Morning. greys.anatomy. Season 5 Episode 17" "I dreamt once I was falling out a window hanging on to the drapes." "I woke up pulling meredith's hair out." "So we have a trauma coming in." "A trampling on a football field-- no,I-I don't need your help." "Oh,but I'm on your service today." "And I'm telling you,dr." "Yang,I want you to take care of that elbow." "There you are." "What happened to you?" "I tripped and fell." "It's fine." "No." "No,it's not." "It's... it's nothing." "It's--it was an accident." "What's wrong with you?" "Uh,derek won't get off the couch." "so the weaker sex." "It's still swollen." "I'd give it another day of rest." "I haven't operated in three days." "Don't hit people with your scalpel hand." "Have you talked to him yet?" "He threw the first punch." "Well,you did catch him at a bad time." "So he lost a patient." "Boo-hoo." "We're surgeons." "We're men." "We lose patients." "It doesn't give him the right to go around behaving like a drunk frat boy." "And now I'm supposed to go crawling back begging for his forgiveness?" "What,uh-- what are you doing?" "I went all "say anything" on the peds surgeon in front of the peds surgeon's date," "so now I am hiding from the peds surgeon." "Mature." "Um,you got in a fistfight." "No judging." "Hand!" "Hand!" "Oh,god." "I'm sorry." "I..." "I forgot." "I--I'm so sorry." "I feel terrible about everything,about the fight and your hand and derek and... you know,he's not doing so well." "I really think that you shoultalk to him." "I should talk to him?" "look at you--your stethoscope around your neck,charting..." "I can totally see you in ten years,a little salt and pepper in your hair,big-shot attending." "You're gonna be a rock star,alex." "What is this?" "What,I can't fantasize about my boyfriend and his bright,bright future?" "Shut up." "dr." "Stevens,we've been working on the patient "x" case,and we have a couple of ideas." "Great,let's get to work." "what's this patient "x" thing that's taking all the interns?" "And when's it gonna be over?" "I need minions to do my crap work." "Some new teaching thing." "You know,we're all killing ourselves to get into the O. R." "When's the last time izzie held a scalpel?" "She's falling behind." "She's like the new o'malley." "Izzie's nothing like o'malley." "hello." "Okay,o'malley,you're in the clinic." "Grey and yang,you're with me." "Karev,you're in the pit with hunt." "Oh,no,dr." "Bailey,I'm supposed to be on trauma today." "Save it,yang." "Hunt wants karev." "J--oh!" "Sir,there you are." "shepherd planning to grace us with his presence today?" "Yes." "He's fine." "Sir,I--I've been trying to page you all morning." "I could use your help on a case if you're available." "No peds today?" "Um,no." "must be slumming." "Excuse me?" "S-- tricia shelley,31,megan shelley,27,michael shelley,23, genetic testing revealed they all carry the cdh1 gene for hereditary diffuse gastric cancer." "Which means at,dr." "Grey?" "Which means they all have a 3-in-4 chance of developing the cancer." "dr." "Bailey has taken tumors out of pretty much everyone on our mother's side." "Unfortunately,it's a highly aggressive cancer." "The tumors grow quickly,so by the time I get in there-- our family tree is down to a branch." "how is uncle bud doing?" "Dead." "And aunt helen?" "Dead." "What about the minnesota cousin?" "Not dead." "She's 90 pounds and in hospice,meg." "Still,not dead yet." "So,uh,you've... decided you're ready to take the next step." "We've made a pact." "We're all in this together." "Cut r stomachs out,dr." "Bailey." "Beth dearborn,17 year old with a history of seizures-- had a grand mal during a marching band performance." "Started seizing again upon arrival." "Push 2 of lorazepam." "She's in v-fib." "Ventilate and charge the paddles to 200." "Wait." "The v-fib could be just artifact from the seizure." "If we shock her and she's not actually in v-fib,she'll flatline." "You got a pulse?" "I-I think so.I don't know." "It's hard to tell." "Lorazepam's not working." "Damn it." "What do we do?" "We shock her and save her,or shock her and kill her." "what the hell... clear." "Clear!" "sinus tach." "Good call,dr." "Hunt." "ah,it was a 50-50 shot." "Oh,no." "It happened again?" "Beth,I'm dr." "Robbins,the peatric surgeon on call." "This is dr." "Hunt." "You got beat up pretty bad while you were marching." "We're gonna run some tests,check for internal injuries." "I seized during the performance?" "But I took my meds." "Relax." "It's not like you crapped your pants or anything." "It is like I crapped my pants." "I had a seizure in front of the entire marching band." "It is exactly like I crapped my pants." "they're gonna kill me." "Who?" "Seizure patrol." "You're the seizure patrol?" "I'm first chair clarinet." "He's drum major." "Whenever beth has a seizure,we have to drop our instruments and go roll her on her side so she doesn't choke on her tongue." "We were in the middle of the northwest reonal parade." "We were favored to win." "Yeah,until beth took down the snare drum,half of the woodwinds." "The tubas tried to avoid her,but she was right in the middle of formation." "Ah,okay." "Uh,why don't you just go call her parents?" "I'm gonna run some tests,but she's already coded once, so I want you to watch her and standby with a crash cart." "You want me to sit here and babysit the band nerd?" "That's an intern job." "I don't see any interns around." "dr." "Grey." "Patient "x," a previously healthy 29-year-old female presented with stable vital signs, a normal physical exam,uh,with symptoms of occasional right upper quadrant pain,nausea and hallucinations." "Head C.T.,Chest x-ray,C.B.C. Were normal,but chemistries revealed an elevated L.D.H." "So you are this girl's doctor." "She comes to you,she's scared,she doesn't know what's wrong." "You have to diagnose her." "What do you do next?" "What test do you run?" "How about a retic count or peripheral smear?" "You'd be wasting your time." "The C.B.C.Was normal,member?" "You said there was abdominal pain." "What about an upper G.I.?" "Good." "That is exactly what patient x's doctor did next." "What does this tell us?" "What is all this?" "Possible side effects and complications from prophylactic gastrectomy,so post-op,you know what to expect." "Malnourishment,weakness,fatigue..." "dumping syndrome?" "Oh,that doesn't sound good." "Possible anal leakage?" "A gastrectomy isn't like getting your appendix out." "We're changing the way your entire digestive system works." "This is a serious adjustment." "I'm the president of my frat." "I have a girlfriend." "I go snowboarding." "How am I supposed to do all that stuff when I'm suddenly this weak old man with anal leakage?" "You know how important this is to trish." "Trish has run our lives since we were little kids." "She decides where we go to dinner,where we go on vacation,where we do thanksgiving." "I'm 23 years old." "If I don't want to butcher myself,she can't make me." "So you'd rather die like mom or grandpa or uncle bud?" "And it's not quick,mike." "It's a slow,painful way to go." "There's a 1-in-4 shot we don't get it,right?" "That's something!" "Don't be stupid." "You are doing this,and we discussed it." "You're not in charge of me anymore!" "Meg?" "I didn't realize it was such a big deal." "I just..." "I just need a little time to think about it,okay?" "No,no,no." "Callahan on e bypass." "Levin on the appy." "Damn craniotomy... where the hell is shepherd?" "!" "Uh,you can't rely on shepherd,sir." "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Well,my neurosurgeon's been missing for days,I still have no head of cardio," "I've got general surgeons quitting on me left and right," "I've got surgeries piling up like dead fish and no surgeons to do 'em." "Well,then now would probably be a bad time to tell you that my hand's still out of commission,and I can't operate." "You know what?" "Leave me on the board,chief." "I won't let you down." "I could do that craniotomy,chief." "put dr." "Nelson on the craniotomy." "appreciate it,john." "It's--it's jim." "You must be new." "Welcome to seattle grace." "I've been here ten years." "I was the interim chief of neuro before shepherd and his red cape swooped in from new york." "Mark sloan,plastics." "We've met... three times." "I don't know why mr." "Bimm ever let her even join band." "Not like she's a master flautist." "Okay,get out." "Mr.Bimm says we're supposed to stay with her till her" "I got it.I'm seizure patrol now." "your friends are asses." "They're not my friends." "Once you spaz out in front of the whole school,friends are kinda hard to come by." "I know you can't help the epilepsy,but nobody made you join the marching band." "That's like spreading nerd on nerd." "I like being in the band,okay?" "It's,like,the one thing I'm actually good at." "What'd you do in high school?" "I wrestled." "You' a wrestler?" "You wearing tights under that lab coat?" "It was a long time ago that was in high school." "I'm a surgeon now." "Fine." "Then how would youeel if you seized every time you went into the operating room?" "Yeah,okay." "You realize,that as your doctor,I'm not recommending this,right?" "I need to get through my surgeries today." "Oh,you're gonna get through them,you're just gonna be in a world of hurt later." "You heard of a dr." "Nelson in neuro?" "Oh,yeah." "shadow shepherd." "shadow shepherd?" "Yeah." "He's a solid surgeon,but sort of the J.V.Player to shepherd's varsity,the,uh,b-team, to shepherd's "a," the--the bricklayer to shepherd's architect." "I get it." "Just 'cause the guy doesn't publish fancy clinical trials or take on flashy surgery or have creepy,perfect hair,he's less of a man?" "Kinda." "how'd it go with the lawyers?" "They told me my death rate." "These are the people I saved." "These are the people I killed." "Okay,well,most of those people were terminal when they came to you." "You were their last chance." "And you take on impossible cases." "Lo at the clinical trial." "So many people... more than dahmer,manson,bundy combined." "You're not looking at the big picture." "This is the big picture." "Oh,shepherd." "Thank god you're back." "Can you swing two brain biopsies today?" "I'm not operating,richard." "Look,I know you've got a big lawsuit breathing down your neck,and I know you lost a patient, but I need you back to work doing the job I hired you to do." "I'm not operating." "I am not asking,I'm telling,as chief surgeon of this hospital, if you don't get back to that O.R.Today,shepherd... and he just walked out." "Without saying a word,he just walked out." "Hunt won't even look at me since he went all "apocalypse now" on me this morning." "Had to get all scalpel happy up in that patient's brain,and now he can't face it." "He thinks I'm,what,like this wilting flower?" "Well,guess what." "I'm the strong one." "Oh,my god." "I'm the strong one." "And you see,if I had that stomach cancer gene,I would get that gastrectomy,no problem." "I face things." "I don't walk away." "Derek walks away." "Maybe walking away is the answer." "See,it's not emotional." "It's science." "You have a problem,don't ignore it." "Well,sometimes if you have to pee and you ignore it,it does go away." "you guys are hilarious." "I mean,do you even know what she just said?" "Or what she just said?" "I can totally see you guys in 50 years in a nursing home, just talking at each other with your hearing aids off." "hi-larious!" "Oh,I love lunch." "what the hell?" "beth?" "Code blue!" "After I take out the stomach,I'll do what,yang?" "Sew the esophageal anastomosis." "Or the other option is,grey?" "you could staple the anastomosis." "Now why would I want to do that?" "Fistula rates can be higher when you hand sew." "You might say that using the old stapler is sort of my specialty." "I thought your specialty was babysitting children." "Uh..." "I'm sure you'd rather be doing that right now." "Frankly,sir,I feel like I am." "Excuse me,sir." "I think you should feel this." "Right here." "Tell me that's not what I think it is." "Wait,wait." "I think I got it." "Liver enzymes are normal,cardiac workup is negative- if L.D.H.Is a false positive-- it's a trick question." "What?" "She's fine.Patient "x" is fine." "she's not fine." "Okay,well,her sed rate is slightly elevated." "Did we check for autoimmune disease?" "Yeah,A.N.A. And C.R.P. Were negative,too." "At worst,she's got an anxiety disorder." "The girl is totally fine." "She is... she is not fine!" "She had hallucinations." "She had visual,auditory and tactile hallucinations about her dead fianc?" "She thought she could talk to him and touch him." "She's not fine." "She's not fine." "you're missing somethi." "You're not looking in the right place." "Go back and figure out what you are missing." "she has it?" "Trish has cancer?" "well,the cancer was stage I,since we got to it so early,the gastrecty was probably curative." "she just had her endoscopy a few months ago." "It was an aggressive cancer that grew quickly." "The fact that we took out her stomach today-- it saved your sister's life." "The reason trish decides everything-- thanksgiving,dinners,vacations-- she's the only one left who knows how to cook a turkey,mike." "She's the only one left who likes planning vacations." "And she's the only one left who ever remembers to make dinner reservations." "She's in crge of us because everyone else is dead." "I want it,now." "I want the surgery right now." "Why is she coding when she seizes?" "It doesn't make any sense." "Not in a girl this young." "Her heart should be fine." "Beth coded before her seizure,not during it." "I saw her heart go into v-fib." "She's 17 with no heart history,karev." "Yeah,I know,but I saw it on the monitor." "You think you saw it on the monitor." "Seizures are chaotic." "Doctors panic in the moment." "I didn't panic." "I know what I saw." "Are you suggesting that I tell that girl and her parents that she's been wrongly treated for epilepsy for six years?" "And then I think we should do a cardiac workup with an E.P. Study." "You want me to deliberately shock a perfectly healthy child's heart?" "Absolutely not." "dr." "Hunt." "If he's right,it would explain the coding." "If he's wrong,it will kill her." "Look,I'm not wrong!" "Then it's your call,karev." "maybe cristina's right." "Maybe trying to teach the interns is pointless." "please." "Don't listen to cristina." "She thinks just because you'd rather teach than take out a gall bladder, that you're the new me." "o'malley,the sequel." "o'malley 2.0." "you read more journals and do more research and log more hours in the skills lab than any other resident here." "you never give up on trying to be a better doctor, and you don't step on other people to do it." "I would be lucky to be the new you." "Are you gonna tell me about patient "x"?" "I know whawe missed." "Gotta go,george." "Okay,she had enlarged lymph nodes,right?" "But it's not mono." "So what if we missed a malignancy in her brain?" "Well,you already ruled that out with a C.T." "I think that was a mistake." "I'd like to order an M.R.I. With contrast,maybe biopsy a lymph node." "Whatever's wrong with patient "x," it's already in her brain,isn't it?" "Yeah." "clamp's going in." "I don't feel any masses." "2-0 vicryl,please." "Uh,sir,if I may,one more time,I think stapling would be a betterhoicE." "If I'm not mistaken,dr." "Bailey,you no longer wish to be a general surgeon in this hospital." "So why don't we leave the technical calls up to me?" "I was simply expressing my opinion on what would be best for my patient." "Okay,you don't get an opinion here!" "This is my patient because this is my hospital." "When it's your hospital,you can make the damn decisions." "But until then,this is my hospital!" "And I want all of you people to do what I say!" "Yes,sir. 2-0 vicryl,please." "You're gonna be okay." "You're in really good hands." "I'm gonna ask you one more time,karev... are you sure about this?" "Yeah." "Then you're on crash cart." "If you're wrong... be ready tuse it." "Your path report came back clear." "There are no cancerous cells in your stomach." "How's your pain?" "Uh,the wound hurts a little." "Not too bad,right?" "Yeah." "Don't you remember how much pain mom was in at the end?" "No." "You used to help me wet her lips with an ice cube." "It was awful." "She couldn't even drink." "She had so many tubes everywhere." "I don't remember." "I was 2 years old when mom died." "The only reason I know it was sad and horrible is because you tell me all the time." "I don't have nightmares about funerals." "I don't freak out and think it's cancer every time I have indigestion." "You ." "Mike-- this is your fear." "It's not mine." "So just..." "let me decide when I'm scared." "let's take the pace up to 300." "vitals are still stable." "This is pointless." "The study is showing no sign of arrhythmia." "wait." "V-tach." "She's in v-tach." "All right,let's just pace her out of it." "Take it to 3-3-0." "B.P.'S down,60 over 10." "340.Damn it." "She's not breaking." "Karev,get in there now." "wait,hold the shock." "she's coming out." "this could be A.R.V.C." "The right ventricle's causing the arrhythmia." "Her brain doesn't get oxygen-- and then she seizes." "Oh,my god." "karev,you just saved this girl's life." "it's okay." "It's okay." "Just... just breathe." "Put the paddles down and breathe." "It's okay." "it's okay." "well,it wasn't easy." "Not only did I push through my harelip reconstruction and a tympanoplasty, but I pulled out a burn graft so beautiful it could bring a grown man to tears." "Chief?" "You haven't heard from shepherd,have you?" "no,sir." "I haven'T." "Sir." "okay,I have tried to let it go,because I know it's not personal." "I understand it's very hard for you." "I understand you're under a great deal of pressure." "But the way you yelled at me in the O.R." "Today,in front of my residents?" "Not okay,sir." "Not okay at all." "now... you and me,we're just gonna have to find a way to work together." "So you... not talking to me now?" "Well,that'S... just real mature,sir." "That's real mature." "We have a diagnosis." "Go ahead,dr." "Grey." "Patient "x"--an elevated L.D.H. Was our only clue." "Uh,and then we found out that she had enlarged lymph nodes and a suspicious mole,which was biopsied." "Meanwhile,this M.R.I. With contrast showed a met on her right temporal lobe, and the biopsy revealed dividing cells." "That coupled with further staging tests led to our final diagnosis of metastatic melanoma with mets to the liver,skin and brain." "Your prognosis?" "With chemo and radiation,uh,a few months." "At best." "Girl's pretty much toast." "Survival rate's 5%." "If I were her,I'd go on a really good vacation." "Or go to church,ask for forgiveness,prayers." "good job,everybody." "That's it?" "After the last contest,we got a prize." "Yeah,what's our prize?" "You think every time you diagnosis a patient,handomeone a death sentence,there's a prize?" "The prize is... you didn't screw it up this time." "The prize is you people actually did something right." "The prize is you were doctors today." "You were doctors." "" adele?" "What are you doing here?" "Conference room,richard." "Now." "You,too,miranda." "Let's go." "It's a pacemaker." "It's going to regulate your abnormal arrhythmias so you won't have any more seizures." "So..." "I'm not sick anymore." "A wrestler fixed me." "Not exactly." "You still have a serious heart condition." "So we're gonna set you up with a cardiologist." "But no one has to know." "I won't be frothing at the mouth." "I don't have to wear a bracelet to school." "I can cover this with a shirt." "Yeah." "That's something,huh?" "it's everything." "Once people see you as sick,they don't see anything else." "mr." "Bimm just called." "We didn't get a trophy." "There's always next season,right?" "Yeah,we were thinking maybe you should try out for choir or debate." "Something requiring less movement." "Yeah." "We're just worried for your safety." "You don't have to be." "We fixed her." "Epileptic bone." "What?" "There--there's no such thing as an epileptic bone." "Are you a doctor?" "So she'S..." "like,totally normal now?" "Dude,none of you are normal." "You're freakin' band nerds." "of all the petty,ridiculous,infantile-- are you running a hospital here or a playground?" "Adele,I will not be spoken to in that-- hospital or playground,richard?" "!" "hospital." "Then start acting like the chief of a hospital and apologize to that woman,right now." "sorry." "You call that an apology?" "Now you better not leave this room until the two of you work this out, because if I have to drag myself down here through rush-hour traffic again to police this damn jungle gym-- adele,you've made your point." "And you wipe that smile off your face." "You're no better-- tattling on a man to his wife." "when you have your stomach out,you can't eat sugar anymore." "If he's doing this because he doesn't want to give up his damn jelly beans..." "I think it's more than that." "Or football or girls or snowboarding or whatever the hell it is." "It doesn't matter,not compared to the alternative." "Well,we'll be as vigilant as we can." "We'll use every screening tool available." "That won't be necessary." "Mikey's gonna have the surgery." "Maybe not today,but I'm gonna be on him like glue to my dying breath until he does." "And if he just wants to be left alone?" "You don't leave the peopleyou love alone,dr." "Grey." "That idiot may noknow it yet,but my fear is what's gonna save his life." "I learned a lot today-- diagnosing a patient from beginning to end." "So... thank you for teaching us." "What would you say?" "To patient "x"-- how would you-- how would you break the news?" "Um..." "I would say that I was very sorry and--and that there were support groups that..." "I don't--I don't know." "What--what do you say to somebody who's--who's gonna... you say... they have choice." "They can run away and hide from it,or they can face it." "You say they need to be around the people who love them because it's gonna be the toughest fight of their life and no one should have to do it alone." "And then you give them the odds." "And even though a 5% survival rate is bad,it's really bad, you say... you say... screw the odds." "People die of the hiccups." "My mother died of the hiccups." "And survival rate for that is what,100%?" "The odds are that she should be alive right now." "The odds are that the--the odds mean crap." "So people should face it,and they should fight." "Maybe not those words." "No." "Exactly those words." "Thank you,dr." "Grey." "How's she doing?" "Uh,she's,uh,she's stable." "You did a hell of a job today,and the chief is gonna hear about it." "pretty impressive for a resident." "You fix that attitude of yours,you could be the future of this hospital,the one to watch." "you go,karev." "Iz!" "hunt's letting me do the distal anastomosis on his fem-pop." "that's awesome." "It's crazy." "They just told me I could be the future of this hospital,that I'm the resident to watch." "And that'S..." "I mean..." "I'm not the kinda guy who-- like,I don't rise,okay?" "I sink to the bottom." "And now I'm getting all this-- this respect,and you... you--you gotta stop wasting all your time with this patient "x" crap." "Alex-- I know you like teaching,and that's great, but you need to start treating real patients with real surgeries, because once they see you as weak,it's over." "And,iz,you could be a great surgeon." "We could be great together." "You just--you gotta stop screwinground, because I don't want to be the future of this hospital if you're not there with me,okay?" "Okay." "Alex!" "What?" "You told adele on me?" "You stopped speaking to me,sir." "That didn't exactly leave me many options." "I'd like to know,would you have reacted like this if I had left general surgery for neuro or cardio?" "I don't follow." "Or is it because you regard peds as a ft specialty?" "Is that what's bothering you?" "Oh,that's ridiculous." "Well,maybe,but it seems to me that every time I do something that you perceive as soft, like having a baby,taking some time off to see my baby, specializing in babies,I'm dead to you." "You want to know what I think,sir?" "Not particularly." "I think you're scared that you've gone soft." "You ble this whole hospital's decline on it,and you want to know what I think about that?" "You're gonna tell me anyway." "It's not doing you one bit of good." "I mean,surgeons are still dropping like dominoes around here." "So maybe it's time that you got in touch with your feminine side." "Maybe you need a little soft." "You still shouldn't have ratted me out." "Sorry." "Me,too." "wh-what are you doing?" "Assigning myself to trauma with you tomorro you know,I'm a big girl." "I can handle my share of trauma." "And I get to decide when I've had enough." "it's gonna take a lot more than a bad dream to scare me off." "It's more than a bad dream." "I know." "look,I know..." "I have no business asking you for anything." "But I need your help." "I need you to bring derek back." "And he's not fine." "Sometimes people just want to be left alone." "He's planning to propose." "He's been carrying around a big ring for weeks." "That's not a man who wants to be left alone." "I just thought you should know." "Yes,the odds are against us,I'm a one-woman wrecking ball." "All I do is break you-- your hand,your penis,your relationships,your life." "I'd say our survival rate is about 3%,and that's--that's-- that's bad." "But it's not nothing,and--and I don't think that we should give up on this, at least not yet,because-- okay." "You think you broke me,ttle grey?" "You're the one who put me back gether." "hand." "Hand." "Uh,mark." "I've got a couple of shepherd's post-ops to check in on,but after that,you feel like a drink?" "How 'bout a rain check,john?" "jim." "It's jim." "so..." "I've had quite a day." "Got my ass handed to me by alex karev,a second-year resident,which is humbling for a surgeon," "especially a know-it-all,type-a-- we don't have to do this." "We don't have to be friends." "It's a big hospital with lots of floors,lots of places to hide, and I'm perfectly okay with doing that for the next few years." "You're not hearing me,calliope." "Sometimes I panic in the moment,and I call it wrong." "I misjudge a situation." "So if you're up for it,I'd like to take you to dinner." "maybe." "Maybe?" "Yeah,my schedule's kind of insane right now." "So I'll,uh,get back to you." "how's,uh,tomorrow?" "good night,iz." "Night." "Um..." "I've been keeping my distance 'cause you're with alex, but I just want to let you know,I'm still here,I still care." "Thanks,george." "And you don't want to talk about it?" "Not yet." "Okay.Good night." "Night." "you don't like me very much,do you?" "Uh-- no,it's good." "It's good,because I need to tell you something." "I need to tell you because I need to tell somebody,and... and you're a robot." "You can take it." "Okay." "I can't tell you here." "I-I can'T." "Okay." "I can'T." "Okay." "Okay." "you cleaned all of your clothes out of the closet at the house." "Go home,mer." "Just go home." "Well,how long are you planning on hiding out here?" "Because that's what you're doing." "You're hiding." "You made a mistake." "She's dead,and you can't hide from that." "I'm not hiding." "I'm done." "I'm done operating." "Oh,okay." "So you're just quitting?" "You should understand better than anybody else." "You wrote the book on quitting,running,hiding." "You've written a lot of books,meredith." "That may be true,but I'm here now." "You're here now?" "you' wanted me out since the day I moved in." "That is not true." "Because you're incapable of anything that resembles commitment." "You lied to me." "You said you were healthy,that you... you were healed." "There's no fixing you." "You're a lemon." "Derek shepherd,you are drunk." "And you're angry." "And I've been there,so I get it." "_But that does not give you the right-- just go home,meredith." "You don't get to just stand here and tell me-- this is what you want.I'm giving you an out." "Go." "I'm not going anywhere." "I said leave!" "Meredith,leave!" "I know there's a ring." "What?" "The chief told me." "I know there's a ring." "You want the ring?" "Here's your ring." "every surgeon has a shadow... is that the best you've got?" "'Cause I'm not bailing." "We're in this together." "Go home,meredith!" "And the only way to get rid of a shadow... is to turn off the lights... to stop running from the darkness... and face what you fear... head-on." "greys.anatomy. Season 5 Episode 17"