"You are floating in an ocean of peace and tranquility." "Namaste." "Hi." "Namaste." "I need your help, okay?" "I'm freaking out here, I don't think I'm cut out for this captain shit." "Okay?" "Even if it's for one game." "Are you wearing your captain's cup?" "Unfortunately, yes." "Trust the cup." "It will guide you." "It is very unhelpful, okay?" "What am I to do?" "What do I say to the guys?" "Alright?" "What about that coin toss thing?" "I mean, this is... this is a lot of responsibility for me." "Just be yourself." "Speak from the heart." "I'm a changed man, Alex." "This suspension has given me the chance to read the first chapter of a book." " Oh, good." " And that book told me that all my recent misfortunes were a result of my negative attitude." "I believe in you, Alex." "And it's only for one game after which I'll happily shoulder the burden of captain once again." "Alright, listen up!" "It's the first game." "So let's set the tone for the rest of the season." "Moran, is there anything you'd like to say to your team?" "Uh, y-yeah." "( Inhales ) Let's go out there and score some points." "But at the same time we stop them from scoring points." "Yeah." "I don't need you to explain how the game works." " Inspire your team." " Inspiration's not really my thing, if that's okay." "All right, they're gonna hit us hard today, but we're gonna to hit 'em harder." "We're gonna put our fists through their ribcages, and we're gonna rip out their hearts." " Then we're gonna eat those hearts." " ( Cheering )" "Then we're gonna shit those hearts out onto the field!" " All:" "Yeah!" " Now who's ready to shit their opponents' hearts out?" "!" " All:" "Yeah!" " Let's do this!" "( All cheering )" "That's how you inspire a win." "( Door opens )" "What the hell was that shit?" "!" "48 points?" "Really, defense?" "Are you kidding me?" " We had an off day." " An off day?" "Nah." "When my uncle did E with his ATV buddies, ended up with stitches on his taint, that was an off day." "We got embarrassed out there." "I hereby relieve myself of all captain duties." "It's all yours." "I humbly accept." "( All silent )" "( Splashing )" "( Fly zips )" "I thought I'd just finish the job for you guys." "Clean up on aisle" "Don't." "( Crowd cheering )" "Man:" "Can you feel that?" "You better hold on." "Thisone'sabouttogetbumpy ." "♪ Give me a hell, give me a yeah ♪" "♪ hell yeah ♪" "♪ stand up right now ♪" "♪ give me a hell, give me a yeah ♪" "♪ stand up right now, right now ♪" "♪ give me a hell, give me a yeah ♪" "♪ stand up right now. ♪" "( Dance music playing )" "♪ Come on, come on... ♪" "( Soft chattering )" "Let's go." "What uh-- ( Stutters )" "This is nice, isn't it?" "Chill vibe." "Just us guys hanging out." "Nice?" "!" "This is the worst party we've ever had." "I mean, it's like everybody stopped trying." "Change the way you think about something and you'll change the thing itself." " That's retarded." " No, it's not." "Yes." "Yes, very much so." "Hey, where are you guys going?" "!" "Tennis house-- huge bash." "Seriously?" "You're just gonna let them go?" "Stop them!" "If you love a butterfly, you'll let it fly." "And it'll fly as far as it can fly until it can't fly anymore." "Harmon:" "I don't think she's deaf." "( Loudly ) She is definitely deaf." "She's writing on a board." "( Snorts )" "Whoa whoa." "Sammy, don't do it, all right?" "The only girls that are here tonight are the girls who can't get into bigger parties on campus." "Thad wouldn't even bring these girls here." "She's beautiful, deaf and mute, Alex!" "Or should I say perfect?" "( Clears throat ) Hello, my name is Sammy." "I'm broke, I live in a closet, and I have a below-average size penis." "I can say this to you because you're deaf." " And that's amazing." " ( Sighs )" "My mistake." "( Mutters )" "Yeah-- you wanna come to my clo-- yeah, come on!" "( Laughs )" "( All cheering )" "Are you ready to crush some skulls?" "Huh?" "!" "Uh, I'm ready to compete my heart out, coach." "Well, that's good enough." "Good to have you back, son." "Come on, let's go!" "( Claps )" "Blue 16!" "Blue 16!" " Namaste." " ( Inhales ) Om..." "Man:" "Set." "Hit!" "( All grunting )" "( Grunts )" "( Groans )" "What are you doing, man?" "Put me down." "( Whistle blows )" "Namaste." "Hey, what the hell are you doing?" "!" "You're supposed to hit him!" "Something I've learned the hard way, coach, is that aggression leads to bad choices." "What are you talking about?" "We're living in different orbits, coach." "You'll catch up with me someday." "Just believe in yourself and it will be done." "♪ I fell in your arms tonight... ♪" "Harder?" "!" "You got it." "Faster?" "Okay, it's a deal!" " ( Laughs ) - ( Phone rings )" "Hey, your phone's ringing." " Oh, sure." "Sure." " ( Beeps )" "( Shrill female voice ) Hello-oo?" "Hello-oo?" "!" "Just kidding!" "I'm not here!" "Leave a message and enjoy a beautiful day!" " ( Beeps )" " Is that your voice?" "Oh Jesus." "( Whimpers )" "Okay." "So what's going on with you?" "Nothing, coach." "I'm at peace." "Cut the shit." "You haven't played for weeks." "I wanna see fire!" "I was expecting you to be cracking heads out there today." "Fiery Thad is gone, coach." "He's the reason I got arrested with all that spirit-numbing cocaine after the championship loss." "Is this guy freaking kidding me?" " I don't know what to say." " Don't say." " Just be." " Shut up!" "Not another word." "I can't turn the team over to you like this." " Moran, you're gonna remain captain..." " Hm?" "until Thad gets his head out of his ass." " What?" "No!" " You're taking away my captainship?" "Unless you have a problem with that." "If that's your decision," "I can live with that." " You can?" "!" " And that's all you have to say?" "There is no "I" in captain, gentlemen." "Yes, there is!" "Coach, come on, please." "You can't do this to me, okay?" "I sucked at captain on Saturday." "The party after the game sucked." "I didn't even get laid." "This team needs, like, a real captain." "Then one of you two is gonna have to step up." "I believe in you, Moran." "Donnie." "Hey, it's Alex." "Where are you guys?" "I called a team meeting at the goat house." "All right, just call me, okay?" " What's up, bud?" " Well, bad news about Rachel." " What?" " I was at her place, someone called and I heard her voice on her answering machine message." "It's the worst voice I've ever heard in my entire life." "Come on, man." "I mean, how bad could it be?" "( Shrill female voice ) Hello-oo?" "Hello-oo?" "!" "Just kidding!" "I'm not here!" "Leave a message and enjoy a beautiful day!" " Oh, wow." " Yeah." " Maybe you should break up with her." " ( Sighs )" "Her voice isn't back yet." "I've decided to make the most out of the short time that we have left together." "Do you know what?" "Good luck with that." "I'm so sorry, I-I gotta go." "( Music playing )" "What are nerds doing inside of my house?" "I invited them." "Yes, since I'm still the captain and you've turned over this new leaf of positivity that extends itself to those you previously disliked." "Uh, would you like some cocaine or a mojito?" "( Quivers, pants softly )" " I see what this is." " Mm." "You wanna see me fail, Moran, but my will is stronger than 10,000... pelicans." "Namaste." "Okay, Rachel." "Keep your spirits up and I'll see you next week." "You go ahead, sweetheart." "I'll be right behind you, okay?" "( Chuckles )" "Get outta here." "I don't want you to sugar-coat this, doc." " How long does she have?" " The laryngitis?" " Two, three days tops." " ( Whimpers )" "That's not what I was hoping to hear." "If she gargles with salt water and humidifies her room and rests her voice," " her recovery will be swift and painless." " ( Chokes )" "I'm" " I'm sorry." "I knew this was coming, but nothing really prepares you." "Sammy son, she's gonna be fine." "Spoken like a guy who has all the time in the world." "Just... ( Whistle blows )" "Blue 16!" "Blue 16!" "Hut." "Hut." "♪ Sam and me on the run, watching you fly ♪" "♪ used to saying that your dreams ain't no lie... ♪" "( Softly ) Namaste." "( Groans )" "♪ There's a time and a place for everything... ♪" "What's the matter with you?" "!" "Hit me!" "Kind words are stronger than tackles, so... namaste." "Stop saying that!" "You don't even know what that means, do you!" "?" " Use it in a sentence." " Namaste is a sentence." " Namaste." " God damn it, stop saying namaste!" "You say namaste one more time and let's see what happens!" " Namaste." " Whoa!" "The only way to grow is through facing our fears." "Yup." " No, Thad, no!" " ( All shouting )" "So what's your problem, Moran?" "What's my problem?" "The whole team is falling apart," "Thad's gone and and I hold team meetings and no one shows up." "I've been so busy trying to get Thad back and the team back together that I haven't had a beer or sex in three days!" " You son of a" " Ah!" " I gave you everything!" " ( Chuckles )" "I gave you the keys to the Ferrari!" "And what did I get in return?" "An 0-1 record!" "I told you I didn't want that and you threw it in my face anyway!" "Hey, you don't like the way things are going, don't whine about it." "They don't show up for your meetings, you don't cry." "You go kick down their door, drag them by the balls and bring them to the meeting." "That's why you are the captain!" "( Shouts ) I hate losing!" "( Pants ) You know, I wish you had that fire on Saturday." "Maybe we would've won." "Now get the hell out of my office and don't come back until you have something to show me!" "Y-you can't kick me out." "I'm leaving!" " I'm kicking you out!" " I'm leaving!" " Slam the door behind ya!" " I will!" "( Exhales )" "( Piano playing )" "I love you!" "This is great!" "This-- this is great." "♪ If I have alarmed you ♪" "♪ I didn't try, I'm tongue-tied... ♪" "I'm having the best time!" " What's your favorite color?" " ( Door opens )" "How's it going?" "( Chuckles )" "Huh, that's weird." "Looks like we're out of salt again." "♪ When the pen in our hands ♪" "♪ and our best-laid plans ♪" "♪ will stand alone on our side... ♪" "Oh, darn mice." "Yeah." "( Rock music playing )" "( Sighs )" "Team meeting 11:00 sharp." "♪ This is the payback, cats is running like asap ♪" "♪ resurrecting the music so you losers can hate that... ♪" "Team meeting, half hour." "No, let's go." "Team meeting." "♪ my people been struggling, I urge them to raise up ♪" "♪ your day's up, sick like a flu, contagious... ♪" " ( Shrieks )" " Shh." "Team meeting, 10 minutes." "( Panting softly )" "( Slurping )" "( Snoring )" "Harmon." "Wake up!" "What's on fire?" "We're having a meeting." "I can't believe what I've seen this week." "We lose one game and we give up on an entire season?" "I'm embarrassed." "I am embarrassed by the way we've been playing, but I'm more embarrassed by the way we've been partying." "No more excuses!" "This is the week that we put our team back on the map, both on campus and on the field." "And we will start by throwing the biggest party this school has ever seen." "But the last party sucked." "You let it suck!" "You abandoned your team to go party with the tennis team?" "The frigging tennis team, Donnie!" "How could you?" "!" "I don't care if you have plans." "You will be at this party and you will party your asses off until the sun comes up." "'Cause I am not wasting another week of my college life not enjoying myself." "College life is too short." " Is that understood?" " All:" "Yeah." " I said is that understood?" "!" " All:" "Yeah!" "Larry, call everybody in the collective phone book if one person is missing, I will destroy you." "Harmon, get the drugs." "Donnie, get the booze." "Actually, switch that." "I don't want you using up all the product before the party starts, got me?" "Aye-aye, captain." "If this party is not the biggest party this campus has ever seen," "I will personally kick each and every one of your asses until the next millennium." "Welcome to my world!" "Hihip-hop music playing ) - ( Cheering )" "( Louder cheering )" "♪ 'Cause I go hard ♪" "♪ you're thinking that you better go and get up on my level ♪" "♪ try and diss me 'cause I go hard... ♪" "( All chanting ) Whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo... ♪ Whoops, no mistake, no pun intended ♪" "♪ I'm here now, stalling while they're calling ♪" "♪ see, homie, I'm all in... ♪" "( Louder cheering )" "♪ MVP is what they calling me ♪" "♪ heavyweight by nature, from the streets to the booth ♪" "♪ you won't find another greater ♪" "♪ my second and third win just as good as the first one ♪" "♪ about to reach my peak while the --, they be searching ♪" "♪ I've come to shut it down, I got 'em calling for curtains ♪" "♪ think I'm killing this?" "I'mmuchworserinperson♪" "♪ I'm sick in the streets, but my flow is much deadlier ♪" "♪ I'm steady killing cats, like man, go ahead and bury 'em ♪" " ( Silent ) - ♪ See, I came from the bottom ♪" "♪ climb my way to the top, Iwon'tstop...♪" "Wow, you're limber." "Let me get that." "Yeah." "When will this gathering be over?" "I would like the peacefulness of my house back." "This is not your house anymore, bromigo." "This is my house." "And my party's over when I say it's over." "( Shrieks ) Whoo-oo!" "Get off me, Larry." "( Softly ) Larry?" "!" "♪ When they speaking my name ♪" "♪ rings out something like the liberty bell... ♪" "( Muffled moans )" " Oh, Ohh... yeahh!" " No." "Oh, yeah." "( Shrieking )" "Shit!" "( Chuckles )" "We need to talk." "Actually, we don't." "I am still captain of this team and I deserve respect." "You're not captain." "I am." "You're nothing." "You're a zit on my ass, Castle." "Now unless you're gonna fetch me a beer or show me your tits," " walk away now." " ( Girl laughs )" "Whoa!" "What the--!" " What was that?" " Nothing." " Hmm?" " I'm facing my fears." " ( New age music playing )" " Namaste." "Facing your fears?" "Cut the bullshit." " Don't do this to me, Moran." " You lost football-- the only thing that matters to you in the whole world." "Lost your chance at the pros, lost your school, but you're back now." "Stop being a pussy and come back." " ( Whispers ) Come back, come back." " No." "Not you, Moran." "We need you back." "This team needs a captain!" " Don't do th-- - ( Rachel shrilling )" "I just got my voice back, y'all!" "This party frigging rocks!" "( Shrilling )" "This party frigging rocks!" "( Cackling )" "Get out of my house!" " ( Shrill ) You get out!" " Get out!" "( Both shrieking )" "( Laughs ) Yes, Thad, yes!" "Stop moving your stupid mouth and get out!" "And you, what have you done to my freaking team?" "!" "0-1?" "!" "Are you kidding me?" "Give me my captain's cup back now!" "Whoo-oo whoo!" "Get off me, Larry!" "( Chuckles ) Thank God." "I-I-I didn't know how long I could keep this up." " ( Laughs )" " Ah!" "You don't ever touch my stuff again!" "You suck it!" "Hot girl, go wait for me in my waterbed." "You get out of my house, nerd!" "Everyone listen up!" "This Saturday we are going to win!" "Mark my words!" "From this moment on, we do not lose!" "All:" "Yeah!" "These guys are assholes, Sammy!" "Let's get out of here!" "Yeah." "I'm gonna stay." "It's not my time yet." "Maybe I'll see you on the other side, kid." "Ah." "We really had something special, Alex." " It was fun while it lasted." " ( Groaning )" "Oh, please, can we stay?" "I think the fun's just getting started."