"You know the best thing about studying at your house?" " The good lighting in the bathroom?" " No Feeny." "(knocking)" "Morning." "That is really not fair." "Shawn, you're closer to the door." "Let him in." "Why?" "So he can hassle me?" "No." "That door is doing exactly what it's supposed to." "Hey." "I know Feeny, all right?" "The man is a pro." "Now, he leaves that principal stuff at school." "Ready for the test, gentlemen?" " Again, not fair." " We're studying, Mr. Feeny." "See?" "My history book is right here." " Still in its original cellophane, I see." " Uh-huh." " I get top dollar on the resale." " You know, Mr. Hunter," "I've noticed that the students who do best in my class have usually read the book." " Yeah, what's that get 'em?" " Into college." "More books." "George." "Are the boys in trouble?" "Probably." "But that's not why I'm here." "You remembered it's my birthday this Sunday." "That is so sweet." "Oh, morning, George." "Are the boys in trouble?" " George remembered it's my birthday." " Oh, you got a birthday coming up?" "I'm kidding." "It's Sunday." "How could I forget?" "The Eagles are playing." "Not for you, honey." " A key?" " To my cottage in the mountains." "I thought you two might enjoy a romantic getaway this weekend." "Oh, George, you are the best." "Thank you." "Wait a minute." "I thought you sold your place in the Poconos." "I intend to." "I don't get up there very much." "But I assure you, it's very romantic." "Well, that's very considerate, George." "But, see, I already have plans for her birthday." "Well, hang onto the key." "Another weekend, perhaps." "Oh, whoops!" "My history book just slipped." "I better go try and find it." "Cory, I believe you know the terrain best?" "Um, yes." "I know this tundra like my own backyard." "Cory, I have got something incredible to tell you." "But for security reasons, I am going to use our code." "Well, we don't have a code, so you..." "Really?" "Guys like us should have a code." "Well, you know, we'll bring that up at the next meeting, but just, you know..." " When's our next meeting?" " Shawn, we don't have meetings." "This club blows." "Look, I think I know how to make it better." " It's Feeny's key." "So what?" " So?" "There is an empty cottage in ski country, which means a mountain full of young, healthy, snuggly snow bunnies." "Feeny's house." "You know if we went up there, he'd go mental." "A bonus." "Look, this guy goes out of his way to make my life miserable." " Here's his way of making it up to me." " Shawn, it's not right." "Cor, sometimes you gotta break the rules." "Look, it's deceitful and irresponsible, OK?" "Plus the chances of getting away with it are slim to none." "Oh, you know I'm going." " Two bus tickets to paradise." " And the weather report?" "Fresh blanket of snow on the mountains." "All right, Shawn." "Not to put a damper on our plans or anything, but, you know, it occurred to me in a moment of clarity that we don't ski." "Hey." "We don't learn, but we go to school, don't we?" " Uh, Mr. Turner?" "Mr. Turner?" "Could I..." " Yeah, what is it?" "Oh, it's me." "Eric?" "I'm Cory's brother." " Yeah." "You're in my English lit class." " Oh, right." "How am I doing?" " Not so great." " Cool." "Um, anyway..." "I saw you over there talking to Bianca Sabatini." "(giggles)" " Uh-huh?" " Yeah?" "Well, I was just wondering, how do you know her?" " I'm her teacher." " Could you teach her to go out with me?" "'Cause, see, I know she only goes out with jocks." "I'm not really into sports, man." "Don't get me wrong, I see the occasional game, but just to see the player's wives." "They get the best-looking girls, you know." "It's got something to do with the cars, or..." "Matthews, Matthews." "This conversation doesn't really need me, does it?" "Um, no." "Not really." "But thanks for your time." " No problem." " OK." "See you." "Um, hi, Bianca." "I'm Eric Matthews." "We're in the same English class." " Oh, yeah." "You're the smart one." " Yeah." "That's right." "This year I might be class Victorian." "You're cute." "Are you a jock?" "I've worn them." "(Eric) So what is it with you and jocks, anyway?" "I like to date winners." "So what sport do you play?" " Do you follow pool?" " Not at all." "I'm a grand master." "You know, that's funny." "I never thought of pool as a jocky kind of sport." "Really?" "Do you see this scar?" "Eightball championships, Mexico City, 1964." "Excuse me." "If it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Buttinski playing on the table that me and Frankie were most joyously playing upon." "Uh, whatever, guys." "Well, the table was empty, so if you don't mind, we'd just like to finish up here." "What?" "Are you challenging Frankie to the table?" " I said that?" " Well, you implied it." "Come on, Eric." "I'd love to see the grand master at work." "It'd make me very happy." "OK, Frankie." "You're on." "I mean, how good could he be, right?" "You're buried, Matthews." "Dead." "In the ground." "Well, here you go." " (mouth frozen) 'Hank 'oo." " 'Hank 'oo 'hery 'huch." "Little chilly for you city boys." "'Ittle bit." "Uh, thanks for the ride, Officer, uh..." "Ranger." "Ranger Mark." "How old are you?" "Which one of you is Feeny's grandson?" " Oh, he is." " Oh, he is." " Well, I am." " We both are." " We're brothers." " We're cousins." "Brother-cousins." "No need to explain, son." "I'm from mountain people myself." "So, Ranger Mark, how far is the nearest ski lodge from here?" "Oh, about two miles." "Manageable." "And how far if you're walking?" "Two miles." " Two miles?" " Hey, lighten up, Cor." "It's only a mile each." "You boys be sure to keep your windows and doors secured at night." "You wouldn't want to wake up in the morning with a skull full of Grady's ax." "Grady's ax?" "Legend has it that years ago, a man brought his beautiful bride to Grady Pines." "And she fell in love with a young ski instructor." "The husband went crazy with jealousy, and hacked them both up, before taking his own life." "Now, the locals will tell you, every year that psycho returns to this mountain to wreak his bloody revenge." "Uh, I got a question." "If the psycho took his own life, then how can he come back?" "Huh." "That's why you don't see many rangers on The Tonight Show." "Anyway, do you boys know how to turn on the electricity?" "Oh, please." "I think we know how to flip a switch." "Well, good." "I gotta go." "I'm watching a video with my buddy Moose." "That's another ranger friend of yours?" "A moose can't be a ranger." "Do you believe that?" "Turn on the electricity." "Oh, I know." "What kind of city mama's boys does he take us for?" "This is it..." "Eric!" "Yeah, see, in Mexico they have chicken wire around the table." " What's the crowd for?" " Big game, Mr. Williams." "Come on, concentrate, Frankie." "Like you do at Thanksgiving." " First night or the second night?" " There's only one night." "Not at my house." "Yes!" "No!" " Matthews." " Mm?" " How long you guys been playing?" " About an hour." "So let me ask you something." "Why are all the balls still on the table?" "Been having some bad luck." " Some serious bad luck." " Uh-huh." "Well, that was the worst two hours of my life." "I can't believe the ski lodge was closed." "Yeah, you think Ranger Mark might have mentioned the little fact that there's no one else on the mountain." "There wasn't even any snow." "Yeah, what about that, Shawn?" "You told me the weather report said snow in the mountains." "They did." "They said the Rocky Mountains were blanketed with fresh powder." "The Rockies." "Shawn, we're in the Poconos." "2,000 miles away from the Rocky Mountains." "Oh, you mean that's a name?" "I thought it was a description." "You know, like, "chewy nougat."" "That's great, Shawn." "No power, no lights, no heat." "What are we gonna do?" "OK, OK." "Lemme think, lemme think." "Cory, either the lights just went on, or I got an idea." " Somebody's here." "Shh, shh, shh." " Who?" "With our luck, a dead psycho ax-murderer." "You mean Grady?" "No, I'm thinking Pooh Bear." "Of course, Grady." "OK, you dead psycho ax-murderer." "Let's see what you're made of." "All right, I'm here." "Time to belly up to the excuse table." "Mr. Feeny, you've got no right trespassing on your own property." "Mr. Matthews, you're up." "Actually, Mr. Feeny, my parents are on their way up, and we just rushed ahead to straighten up the place." "That's a bald-faced lie." "Every word, sir." "So, you two snaked the key from your parents and snuck up here to have a good time." "That's a bald-faced lie, Mr. Feeny." "It worked when he said it." "You know, Mr. Feeny, I thought you said you never used this place any more." " I came to pack up so I could sell it." " We'll take it." "Hey, now you're trespassing." "I don't even hear you anymore." "Look, Mr. Feeny, before things get too out of hand, why don't you just call our parents and they can come pick us up?" "This late?" "Uh-uh." "No, we're stuck here till morning, like it or not." " How many beds are there?" " One." "I'll flip you for it." "Call it in the air." "You lose." "Why is everybody cheering?" "Well, 'cause nobody's ever seen folks hold a table for three hours without sinking a single shot." "So, how's it feel to be dating a winner?" "I'll let you know as soon as I find one." "So you'll call me then?" "She was too good for you, Matthews." "Yeah, you know something?" "You're right." "She was just holding me back." "I know I feel a lot less pressure." "All right, Frankie." "Let's play some pool." "I saw that coming." "No, really." "I did." "Time me, Cor." "Uh, Mr. Feeny, can I borrow your watch?" "No." " What is he doing, anyway?" " He's trying to beat his previous record." "Seven and a half hours." "Mr. Hunter, have you ever considered what seven and a half hours of schoolwork would do for your history grades?" "Mr. Feeny, the spoon trick brings pleasure to others." "Do you enjoy doing that?" "Yeah." "Why?" "What do you do up here for fun?" "I read books." "Care to join me?" "Oh, right." "And if you jumped off a bridge, I'm supposed to do that, too?" "Here, go for the gold." " Man, what is his problem?" " Shawn, I think it's your problem." "What are you talking about?" "He's the one that hates me." "No, he doesn't, all right?" "Feeny's not a bad guy." "I mean, you know the British." "A little stiff, but once you get beneath the surface..." "There's still more Feeny." "Cory, a guy like him is never gonna understand a guy like me." " We are complete opposites." " You should give him a chance." "OK." "I'll give him a chance." "Mr. Feeny." "Why do you hate me so much?" "I beg your pardon?" "I want to know why you hate me so much." "Is that what you think?" "Yeah." "I mean, you're always getting on my case." "Well, if by that you mean I'm always trying to get the best out of you, then, yes, I'm always on your case." "But..." " I certainly don't hate you." " You see, Shawn?" "It frustrates me to see such a charismatic young man, with so much unfulfilled potential." "Yeah, I got you." "So I'm just another one of your hopeless students." "And I suppose I'm just another stodgy old principal." "The stodgiest." "What do you know about me, Mr. Hunter?" "Oh, like you know anything about me." "Well, let's see." "Shawn Patrick Hunter." "Son of Chet and Virna, born in Ohio, lived in Oklahoma." "In and out of five schools before he was 12." "You memorized my transcript." "Oh, and you love a musical group named Counting Crows." "That's not in my transcript." "Do you know that much about all your students?" "No, I don't." "Well." "Maybe you could give me a hand with these dishes?" "Well, if you know everything about me, you must know I hate doing dishes." "Ho ho, good try." "Come on." "So, Mr. Feeny." "Tell us something about you." "Well, those closest to me would say that I also dislike doing dishes." "So, gentlemen, I give you the sink." " Oh, look out." "My watch." " Oh, no problem, Mr. Feeny." "Got it, got it." "Had it." "Um, sorry." "Well..." "Well, it's nothing but a 30-year-old watch." "About time I got another one, I suppose." "(door closes)" " What are you doing?" " I'm reading." "No, really." "This book Feeny was looking at." "It's some kind of diary." "Shawn, you're reading Feeny's diary?" "Are you crazy?" "Are you nuts?" "Are we in it?" "He just knew so much about me, I wanted to find out some stuff about him." "Do you know he used to come up here with his wife?" " Yeah, I knew that." " Man, I didn't even know he was married." "Listen to this. "December 18, 1961."" ""I called in sick so Lillian and I can sneak up here for a three-day weekend."" "Hah!" "Feeny cut class." ""I suppose my students will miss me, but every now and then you have to break the rules."" " Sounds like you, Shawn." " It's more like me than you think." "December 19, the next day." ""Lillian and I never made it out to the slopes." "No regrets."" "Feeny, you dog." "Let's see here." ""February 14, 1965." "Lillian and my fifth anniversary."" ""Still no sign of the slopes."" ""In the evening we exchanged gifts." "As I lifted the wristwatch out of its box, the glass on the watch face caught Lillian's reflection."" ""A smile that lit the night sky."" "His wristwatch." ""That watch will keep time but for a moment in time."" ""But her smile will reflect in its face forever."" "Oh, morning, Mr. Feeny." "Everything's fine." "I just need a flashlight, a rope, and maybe a wet suit." " Wet suit?" " (Shawn) Cory!" "Can't talk now, Shawn's in over his head." "Hey, Mr. Feeny." "Oh, my God." "You're dripping on the rug." "And you reek." "Sorry, but your septic tank's a lot deeper than it looks." "All right, that does it." "I've tried to be patient, but this nonsense has gone far enough." " Look, Mr. Feeny, before you get mad..." " I'm already mad." "Now, I don't want to hear a word out of the two of you until we get back into the city." "Mr. Feeny, we..." "My watch?" "Hope it still works." "Never thought I'd see this again." "We, uh..." "We figured it meant a lot to you." "Being your anniversary watch and all." "You read a book, Mr. Hunter?" "Guess I did." "Well, good for you." "I want to thank you both." "Well, now, before we get into the car, why don't you two take a dip in the lake and get cleaned up?" " But it's like 20 degrees out there." " We'll freeze." "Take a sweater." "(Alan) What the heck were you two thinking?" "Look, you lied, you trespassed, and you endangered yourselves." "You are in it a lot deeper than you were in that septic tank." "George, I am very sorry." "Yeah, but believe me, the punishment will fit the crime." "Well, fine." "But bear in mind, their behavior was wrong, but their spirit is right." "They're two good guys." "Pulling for you." "Oh, uh, Mr. Feeny?" "Your key." "Thought you might need it when you sell the place." "If I sell it." "Oh, and this is yours, too." "(Alan) Guys, we're not finished with you yet." "Gentlemen, a word of advice." "Don't talk." "Nod a lot." "I still don't get it." " Ahh!" " Hey." "Urgh." " What?" "Is it my shot?" " Ah, come on, Matthews." "It's over." "You guys have been playing for 15 straight hours and you have yet to sink a ball." "Besides, I gotta get to church." " Choir practice." "Alto, you know." " He sings like an angel." "Oh, oh, oh, come on." "I know what this is." "You guys are chickening out now that I got you right where I want you." "Ah, come on, Matthews." "You couldn't hit the broadside of a barn if it came up to you and said," ""Hey, I'm the broadside of a barn." "Hit me."" "♪ La la la la la la la" "All right, fine." "Go, you half-milers." "Just like Mexico."