"( pop music playing )" "Okay." "Let's do this." "Oh." "We have a winner." "( cell phone ringing )" "it's prom!" "How can you still be in bed?" "I was up till 2:30 doing my hair poll." "Which style won?" "Theside-do." "I knew it!" "All is right with my universe." "I'm tracking way ahead in the prom queen election." "Andeverything'sset." "Date." "Dress." "Shoes." "hair." "What?" "Whatis it ?" "How did this happen?" "It was fine when I went to bed!" "It's like... all crispy." "Okay." "Bacon-crispy?" "Ordried-leaf-crispy?" "I just broke it." "I just broke off a piece of my hair." "bacon-crispy." "Hold on." "Do not add heat or curl." "Do not mix with other products." "Do not leave on overnight." "I did all of these things!" "Okay." "Howmanyproducts didyouuse? so I just kept trying new styles. with the one that got the most votes ever last week... plastic?" "It's like melted." "What the...?" "Everyone voted for the little ones." "So I put them in these shoe expander things." "think." "Thesearejust materialobjects." "They can be repaired." "I just need to do a little bit of research." "Okay." "What?" "No!" "This is impossible." "What?" "Whatnow? I'm now in a dead heat with Ashley Mendlebach." "evilwilltriumph." "Ourschoolwillbeplunged intoeternaldarkness." "This day cannot possibly get worse." "( cell phone ringing )" "Stay on the line." "Hello?" "Hello." "Monica Reeves?" "Speaking...?" "This is the Department of Motor Vehicles calling to schedule your driver's test." "Yes!" "Finally!" "Our first available is April 11th..." "That was 2 weeks ago." "Of next year." "Next year?" "Are you kidding me?" "Budget cuts." "but..." "I'll be in college next year." "I have to get my license this summer!" "Don't you have anything sooner?" "Ihave2p.m.today." "Canyoudo 2p.m.today?" "'Cause nobody else can." "it's prom or something." "No." "Not today." "I can't do today." "Next year it is then." "Fine." "I'll take today." "Just show up 10 minutes before your scheduled appointment." "Bye-bye." "Yeah." "NowIhavetotake mydriver'stesttodaytoo." "Ihaveto figure allthisout." "  I'll call you back." " 'K bye." "you can't?" "You're my boyfriend." "And this constitutes emergency boyfriend duty." "theDMV..." "I'm volunteering at the group home they count on me." "So just call a taxi." "Butthatwouldcostlike $200 ." "I barely have enough to cover my salon appointment." "You'll figure it out." "You always do." "okay?" "I'm super-stoked." "Me too." "Stoked... super-ly." "honey." "I'm a tech nerd too." "I finally figured out that picture posting stuff you do." "I put up a shot of me at the hospital." "You can re-twit it to all your peoples." "Whoa!" "New hairstyle." "Love it." "Dad." "My universe has been destroyed." "Everything I've set for prom is ruined." "My hair's crispy." "My dress is melted." "My shoes have exploded..." "Don't worry." "We'll work something out." "I'll call in sick." "aren't you working at the ER today?" "Yeah." "So..." "You can't call in sick." "You're a nurse. kept alive." "I'll be okay." "You sure?" "Yeah!" "I'm sure." "High five." "I don't want to push you. so you have to make a choice." "I get why you're leaning towards State." "I went to State." "It's a fine school." "A fun school." "But you've been given" "A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity." "I know." "talk about this later?" "Yeah." "If you need anything today just call me up text me up." "Just text." "No up." "No up." "No up." "is this a bedpan?" "huh?" "( cell phone ringing )" "It's hopeless." "I'm stranded here." "Okay." "I can try and pick you up on my ten-speed." "Yeah." "That'sa terribleidea." "Yeah." "Okay." "What is that?" "Oh." "I found it in a pawn shop actually." "13 bucks." "eh?" "It's the one part of my outfit that isn't ruined." "Didyoueverhave peoplevoteon it ?" "No." "I actually just really liked it." "What?" "Do you not like it?" "( doorbell ringing )" "Who's that?" "I don't know." "I'll call you later." "bye." "( indistinct mumbling )" "Come on." "Good morning." "Good morning." "I'm Officer Liz McRogersburger." "Special Criminal Investigation Unit." "Dayton County Bureau." "Is this about the Gottlieb twins blowing up the Abrahamians' lawn gnome?" "Because I told Mrs. Abrahamian I did not see anything." "this has nothing to do with Abraham ma'am." "I just need to ask you a few questions and then I'll be out of your... hair." "Stay here." "I" "You're with the FBI?" "That's right." "The American FBI?" "I'm sorry." "Is my Russian accent throwing you off?" "it would be the American FBI." "Can I please come in?" "do you have a warrant?" "Not technically" "Then no." "wow." "You're cautious." "I respect that." "let's get to work." "Tell me what you know about this." "Never seen it before." "I'm gonna need you to think harder." "it's a felony to lie to a federal agent." "it's not." "It's only a crime to lie under oath in a court of law." "Lying to a federal officer?" "Just impolite." "you're not a federal officer." "I am." "I'm with the FBI." "Right." "What bureau again?" "yes." "I'm on the FBI website." "I see that." "And there is no bureau in Dayton County." "you're just looking in the wrong place." "Let me see your badge again." "Okay." "I'm not with the FBI." "cool. before I call the real authorities?" "see... impersonating a federal officer?" "That is a felony." "here's the deal." "I'm a private investigator." "And I'm working for a client who would like to remain anonymous." "They're looking for this necklace." "And they're willing to pay a considerable reward." "Is that your car?" "Yeah." "eh?" "Sweet." "Sure." "Come in." "now you are letting me in?" "You're like 5'1"." "What could you possible do?" "I'm five-- okay?" "indeed." "You're one to talk." "That extra inch you've got on me is really intimidating." "Mr. Nedermeyer." "you should upgrade your alarm system." "you can neutralize that particular console with a pipe cleaner and a cell phone." "Let's hope we're not robbed by any third graders coming from arts and crafts." "Lovely home." "Rugged." "Good use of brown." "My Dad picked it." "You want something to drink?" "water." "Tap." "No ice." "So... this necklace it's valuable?" "No." "No." "It's just costume jewelry." "But it has sentimental value." "okay." "Yeah." "When was the last time you saw it?" "What makes you think I've seen it?" "I've been at this game a long time." "What game?" "The crime game." "So this is about a crime?" "I didn't say that." "You implied it." "I don't think I did. you're a pretty terrible one." "How long have I been in your house?" "I don't know." "Thirty seconds?" "Thirty seconds." "Thirty seconds and here's what I've learned about you." "you're a high school senior." "You're allergic to nickel." "You're young for your class." "You're dating a jock-politician who's popular but soulless. when you were very young." "How'd I do?" "How did you--?" "Your class ring is from this year." "no nickel." "And on the mantel is your middle school diploma so you skipped a year." "And then there on the fridge eleven cause ribbons." "Enough said." "onto the color brown." "Color clearly chosen by a man who had absolutely no input from his wife." "And since I can't see a single picture and you guys are not happy about it." "The only thing that I can't figure out is what the heck is going on with your hair." "you're wrong about my boyfriend." "he's not." "He helps orphans." "He helps orphans." "He helps orphans." "I didn't know that." "He does." "We can go back and forth like this all day or you can give me the necklace and I can arrange for you to get a reward." "you do." "I know you got it at a pawn shop couple of weeks ago." "How could you possibly know that?" "Because the owner showed me the credit card record." "Yeah." "Uh-oh." "He fell for the FBI thing." "All 5'1" of it." "Wait here." "Mm-hmm." "Eleven cause ribbons." "I don't think so." "Mmm." "Dippy eggs." "Oh." "Is everything okay?" "no." "It's good." "It's good." "I really am" " I'm just" "I'm just-- it's really growing on me." "Here's the deal." "I know where your necklace is." "I want a ride." "What?" "Today's my prom." "I've suffered some logistical setbacks. and I have to take my driver's test today." "Today?" "Long story." "I'll get you your necklace." "But you need to drive me to these places first." "no-- It'll only be a few hours." "And then we both get what we want." "Fine." "You may want to put a hat on that first." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Hello! but I'm in a bit of a rush." "I'm looking for a certain necklace." "A ne-- a necklace?" "What is all this stuff?" "Nothing." "It doesn't look like nothing." "It looks like some highly illegal aftermarket surveillance gear." "right?" "police-level." "Though you may want to tune to the KA band to decrease frequency noise." "You're pretty savvy for someone who can't use a curling iron." "no." "okay." "That is a non-lethal high voltage stunning apparatus." "it's not sweet." "okay?" "That thing can drop an elephant at 25 feet." "What's with the red button?" "Don't touch the red button." "But I want to touch the red button." "okay?" "Nothing good ever comes out of it when someone touches the red button." "So... did this bucket of bolts used to be a cab or something?" "so." "Brando is a custom super-charged in-line okay." "He has bulletproof glass." "That's right." "That's right." "Sixteen-channel emergency-band radio seat warmers." "Ooh." "Brando?" "Your car has a name." "Yeah." "After Marlon Brando." "Marlon Brando." "that is amazing to me." "I don't understand that." "I don't." "Why can't I get a signal? jams infrared." "I can't get a signal in this thing?" "No." "offline for 6 minutes." "Tonight's my prom and I'm running for prom queen." "Do you know how much I've already missed?" "How many posts?" "Status updates?" "Emails?" "Good." "I don't trust that stuff." "it's a way for people to track you and know exactly where you are." "But I want people to know where I am." "That's the point." "we actually have apps for that." "Pal Spotter." "Pal Spotter." "Yeah. at every second." "right." "here's what you need." "You need one of these." "Okay." "all right? I don't think." "Built in 2002." "no." "Water Polo Hotties." "Hide." ""Water Polo Hotties"?" "Is it like a gang?" "What is it?" "They" " They don't look very dangerous." "They go to my school." "I can't let them see me in this freakmobile." "freakmobile?" "Did you just" " You called Brando a freakmobile." "let's play that game." "please." "( music blaring ) you with the stupid glasses." "you." "Turn your radio down." "It's a nuisance." "Municipal Code 5617-1B." "What's your problem?" "Monica?" "Is that you?" "Braiden." "Aiden." "Jasper." "Toby." "Other Aiden." "Congrats on your win last night." "That 3-3 offense is really working for you guys." "Thanks." "See you." "Turn the music down please." "( indistinct )" "( siren wailing )" "Wait." "You're a cop?" "Not really." "You can get one of these for $21.99." "Pull over!" "Pull your little mop art over!" "Take your energy-efficient vehicle and stop it!" "There you go." "What are you doing?" "Don't get out of the car." "Sunglasses off now!" "Guess what?" "it caught you littering on a public road." "Yeah." "I'm within my rights to perform a citizen's arrest which is a $500 fine or two nights in jail." "Your choice. right? pick up your drink and dispose of it properly." "Okay?" "ma'am." "Ma'am." "That's right." "Ma'am." "Get some haircuts." "All of you." "You look ridiculous." "sweetpea." "I can't believe that just happened." "That just happened." "Sorry!" "MONICA:" "Do you have any idea how many votes that probably cost me?" "are you running for office?" "For prom queen." "I had the election locked up last night." "And now I'm falling behind." "You have real time polling data for prom queen election?" "Yes." "That is why you were cozying up to those water polo delinquents." "They aren't delinquents!" "really hot guys who happen to be slightly disrespectful of the city's sanitation rules." "anyway?" "I thought PI's were supposed to be cool." "Sarah." "I'm sure they are." "why are we here? and I need to return my dress." "Girl!" "That color looks great on you." "right?" "you are really desperate for votes." "I care about my community." "okay?" "It sounds exhausting." "That's why I work alone." "Miss Cheerful?" "I saw the pics from the sit-in." "I really hope you guys save those wetlands." "Yeah." "Then you can get back to your drum circle." "Okay." "thanks for the samurai work you did on our website." "I told you." "It's all about search engine optimization." "by the way." "this year's berets." "You know what I'm saying?" "Totally." "right?" "you've got my vote." "So who is this?" "Uh... she is my Aunt Hilda." "She's colorblind." "I'm really sorry to hear about that." "I mean..." "Yeah." "It's sad." "Do I stay?" "Do I go?" "Okay." "Bye." "Bye." "I'll see you tonight." "Bye." "Really?" "Colorblind Aunt Hilda"?" "Would you prefer "creepy private eye strangely obsessed with a piece of costume jewelry"?" "Why colorblind?" "And why Hilda?" "I don't know." "I don't even know your real name." "I somehow doubt it's Liz McRogersberger." "all right?" "Liz Morgan." "Sierra's here." "Who?" "Where?" "Right there..." "there." "great." "There's another one of you." "Hey!" "You're here!" "I thought you were stuck at home." "I got a ride." "Oh." "Hi." "I'm Sierra." "Who are you?" "Who is she?" "I'm Hilda." "She's Liz." "Long story." "What's up?" "Okay." "I am totally freaking out." "I'm second guessing my colors for tonight." "I wish I could help you." "But I'm colorblind so it ain't gonna happen." "Stop it." "You started it." "okay." "So did you hear Steph and Zoey both got in off the waitlist." "you have to go." "It's going to be such a blast." "no." "I'm gonna be late." "Okay!" "Okay!" "Whoo!" "What's all this about State?" "I want to go to State." "State sounds great." "I'm trying to decide which college to go to." "all my friends are going to go to State next year." "But I got into one other place." "What's that?" "The University of I Can't Do Hair?" "MIT." "What? How is that even a choice in your head?" "okay." "I would..." "I'd be a nobody." "And that's a bad thing?" "Monica Reeves." "I have an 11:30." "It's 11:33." "I'm a smidge late." "We gave your spot away." "What?" "it's prom day." "There's no room for error." "There's no room for error." "Okay." "Please." "I..." "Look at this." "aren't you?" "Be quiet." "I'll buzz you." "okay?" "not all-you-can-eat appetizers and cheesecake." "Is this your mother?" "no." "She's my Aunt Hilda." "She's colorblind." "tell her to stop talking or we won't take you at all." "you know what?" "right?" "I can hear you." "I just can't tell if that color looks good on you." "Bye-bye now." "What is wrong with you?" "What?" "She started it." "Have you never been inside a salon before?" "You've never been inside a salon before." "Okay." "Who cuts your hair?" "I do." "Figures." "yeah." "You're one to judge." "( beeping )" "Hello?" "Anyone here?" "( beeping rapidly )" "Which one's better?" "I don't know." "right?" "Why did you just take a picture of yourself?" "I'm polling my peeps." "You're what-ing your what?" "um-- I build these websites. let people weigh in on my decisions." "you get the wrong sunglasses?" "Hey." "It's Marketing 101." "these little choices are important." "People are either going to accept you or reject you based on their first impression." "Or you could just be yourself and not really care what other people think?" "$540!" "$540." "That's $540." "Yeah." "So?" "What?" "There's been a mistake." "There's been a mistake." "I-I-It's two pieces of plastic and a label." "no." "I'd have to mortgage my house." "Hey!" "Kinda hot." "Oh..." "Wow!" "That's what you're paying for." "I can almost see in color again." "Hey." "Can I help you two?" "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "I'm actually here to return this little dress." "Whoa!" "what did you do to your dress?" "I'm guessing the same thing you did to your hair." "Nothing." "Nothing." "Nothing." "I" " I didn't-- I didn't do anything." "It just... it spontaneously melted." "It spontaneously melted?" "That's not even possible." "That can't happen." "It doesn't matter." "right?" "Did you put it in a microwave?" "Did you put it in the microwave?" "Because I don't think we can take it back if you put it in the microwave." "I did not put it in the microwave." "Then what did you do to it?" "What is this?" "A police interrogation?" "I steamed it." "With what?" "A blowtorch?" "No." "With water... turned into steam... by a humidifier." "You know with some of that little eucalyptus vapor stuff." "It was very stiff." "were you trying to soften it or open its lungs?" "but we can't accept returns with customer damage." "But I-I-I didn't damage it." "I steamed it." "No." "You vaporized it." "come on." "You vaporized your prom dress." "Hey!" "Whose side are you on?" "It's not about being on your side." "( overlapping chatter )" "I'm sorry." "I just got to say." "it's really nice to see mothers and daughters out shopping together." "she's not my mother." "We're not related at all." "Zero chance." "( phone beeping )" "My hair appointment." "Okay." "this is not over yet." "I'm coming back." "And this lady?" "She's crazy." "I do not know her." "I'm not really crazy." "why are you upset?" "You completely just cost me my dress." "I did that to your dress?" "did I also do that to your hair?" "how about taking some personal responsibility?" "You want a new dress." "you buy it." "Oh." "( security alarm blaring ) did you hear that?" "someone is being busted okay." "and they didn't pay for it." "What?" "Hello." "please follow me." "How's your personal responsibility treating you now?" "please." "hold on." "Seriously. steal sunglasses that look like that?" "here's my Police Retirement Association okay." "I'm a cop." "At the moment kind of-- kind of a cop." "You don't need to know about that." "ma'am." "I'm gonna let you off with a warning." "But you need to be more careful." "Think hard about the kind of example you're setting for your daughter here." "My daughter-- I'm not her daughter!" "We don't even look alike." "We don't even look like each other." "I have brown eyes." "It's just silly to me." "Can we just go now?" "Just go." "Yes." "Thank you." "you're the best." "You're great at your job." "you're a cop?" "Yeah." "no." "I'm on temporary sabbatical." "Indefinitely." "What happened?" "okay?" "What is an ex-cop doing looking for a piece of costume jewelry?" "This is all getting really weird." "Then just give me the diamond." "The diamond?" "You mean the fake diamond?" "the fake." "Yes." "friend." "This is buzzing." "No." "It was buzzing." "But now it's stopped." "We gave up your spot." "What?" "No!" "I literally came as fast as I could." "But now you have to wait until this one buzzes." "I need a corn dog." "See what you did?" "See there?" "I don't like that color either." "Just be quiet." "Listen." "No." "No talking." "I'm going to sit there and eat these corn dogs and wait for that buzzer to buzz." "But if you would just" "And you are not going to speak or distract me understood?" "Understood?" "Got it." "You need a moment... and a corn dog." "Uh-uh." "no." "Uh-uh." "she doesn't like mustard." "Note to self." "( ringing ) come on." "snap." "( cell phone ringing ) that's disgusting." "kiddo." "I just wanted to check in on you." "You're doing okay?" "Oh." "I 'm-I'mdoinggreat." "Justgreat." "I talked to Faraja in radiology. but she said she had a couple of dresses she thought might work." "And there's a big sale today at Discount Warehouse of Shoes." "Dad." "Those are... good options." "Great." "I'll be home by 6:00." "Dad." "I love you." "yo." "no yo." "just bye." "Discount Warehouse of Shoes?" "I love that place." "No talking." "I have a question." "my goodness." "little." "Go ahead." "the soulless jerk with the bedazzled letterman's jacket?" "He's not soulless." "Right." "He's full of soul." "I forgot." "I saw him would you want me to tell you?" "What?" "He's supposed to be helping orphans." "Does that girl have parents?" "Yes!" "Then he's not doing that." "Kyle?" "Oh." "Monica." "Hey." "What are you doing here?" "Uh." "The orphans canceled." "Really?" "The orphans canceled." "Yeah." "They were just..." "They were..." "They were totally booked up today... very busy doing orphan stuff." "Monica." "Nice hat." "Are you competing in a slalom later?" "Or maybe going for a luge?" "how could you with her?" "this-- this isn't what it looks like." "'cause it looks like my supposed boyfriend is having a date with my arch rival." "Okay." "That might technically be somewhat accurate." "Monica." "I know this must be really hard." "first I steal your man." "I rob you of the prom crown." "ALL:" "Ooh." "I..." "I think I'm going to be sick." "That guy is a classic vanity case." "I told you." "he's probably got an emotionally like an over-doter." "He just goes from girl to girl to girl." "( Monica sobbing )" "wow." "This has affected you." "Okay." "she's crying." "( clears throat )" "Monica?" "What?" "Do you... need a corn dog?" "This is what happens when you're not perfect." "What?" "Is she here?" "I'm so glad you're here." "It's going to be okay." "it's okay." "Should I-- Should I hug you?" "This is-- we're gonna fix this." "okay." "I'm just gonna hug from afar." "we're gonna put you back together." "Okay?" "Okay." "come." "independent woman and he is a shallow dirt bag." "he's a dirt bag!" "It was humiliating." "Everybody was watching." "they just saw Ashley for the desperate back-stabber she is." "He made a fool out of me in front of all those people." "we're gonna fix this." "Wait." "What is she doing now?" "on your feet." "What?" "Me?" "Undercover mall security." "Stand up." "hold on a second." "do you?" "meet table." "no." "What did I do? and we have an insider tip that you may have shoplifted hair loss products and a man girdle." "What?" "That's crazy!" "I-I-I didn't shoplift anything!" "Especially not a man girdle!" "I have a body mass index of like 4%." "and you're so humble too." "Put your hands behind your head." "Is this a joke?" "My dad's a lawyer." "I'll sue!" "fancy pants words." "You know what?" "We have rules in this here mall." "we do." "No disorderly or lewd behavior." "I saw what you and Miss Thing were doing with those chili fries over there." "Disgusting." "What?" "It's illegal to eat chili fries?" "Hey." "I'm the one asking the questions around here." "Now touch your nose." "What?" "Do it!" "Touch your toes." "Stand up." "Walk in a straight line." "turn around." "Walk in a crooked line." "turn around." "Waddle like a duck." "Whoa!" "Sing "Rocky Top." "What?" "Do the Macarena." "I don't even know what that is!" "Stop." "Quiet." "Let's see what kind of incriminating items are on your person." "That's right." "Looking in your bag." "Looking in your blue bag." "Looking in your blue bag-- zit cream." "back hair remover." "That's for my sister!" "I've heard that one before." "buddy." "self tanner." "Monica." "I ask you what self-respecting male uses self-tanner?" "It's been very cloudy!" "Okay?" "I need to keep a base." "Kyle?" "I'm gonna have to take you downtown. of wannabes" "I don't even think you're really mall security." "I assure you I am." "No." "you're not." "So my priceless little diamond." "Where the devil are you hiding?" "( tablet dings )" "Any news on the Williamson case?" "so here's the thing. arrest me when I'm just like hanging out in the food court at the mall. right? hang out at the mall and see if I can arrest Liz today." "Liz." "We'll try to expedite your case." "expedite." "see." "people!" "I know what "expedite" means!" "We're gonna be here for hours." "Okay." "um... sorry about your boyfriend." "It's fine." "I'm not really sure I liked him that much anyway." "So how does a smart girl like you end up with a jerk like him?" "uh..." "I set up an online poll." "of course you did." "that sounds right." "I thought the suspect's description was eerily similar to a certain partner I once had." "Liz?" "Adam." "So glad you asked. going to the spa and such." "Can you please take these handcuffs off of me?" "What part of "under arrest" do you not understand?" "Ed." "Wait here." "I'll see what I can do about getting the charges dropped." "you're always seeing what you can do." "How about you actually do something for a change?" "have I missed you." "I didn't miss you at all." "( chuckles ) is the chief around?" "Nope." "Meeting with the mayor." "Lucky." "I can see why you like him." "He's hot." "What?" "Ed?" "Hot?" "that's ridiculous." "You are crushing him." "It's obvious." "I haven't missed you at all." "You were doing the whole thing with him." "there's no thing." "We don't have a thing." "police partners." "Mm-hmm." "That's it." "Don't you have some kind of online poll blogging stuff that you do with your little phone when you touch it like every 10 seconds?" "Nope." "you don't have that to do right now." "okay." "How do you even know I'm single?" "You're obviously single." "Ed has a crush on you too." "I-I-I don't think he feels that particular way." "there's only one way to find out." "Yeah?" "What's that?" "Flirt." "it's this thing humans do when they're trying to demonstrate attraction-- okay." "I know what flirting is." "I'm just-- I'm just" "I'm not very well-versed at it." "it's remarkably easy once you put your mind to it. compliment them." "What do you even know?" "You're like 12." "try it on him." "I will do nothing of the sort." "I didn't think you had it in you." "( sighs )" "Really?" "Even with the sigh..." "With your brown eyes. you think that's gonna get me to like turn around" "Dennis." "Dennis." "Dennis." "I'm just" "Liz?" "has anyone ever told you that you have really nice... large nostrils?" "Liz." "whatever." "Large nostrils"?" "That's what you got?" "He has really large nostrils." "You don't necessarily have to point that out." "lie?" "Say he has small nostrils?" "my goodness." "Sorry." "I got some good news and bad news." "Yeah." "The good news is... they got the charges 86." "Great." "The bad news is" "Where is she?" "now!" "Shut the door!" "Shoplifting sunglasses?" "Impersonating mall security?" "What were you thinking? needed to protect my eyes." "You're a complete disgrace to this badge!" "so-- they seem friendly." "Liz and the chief have a special relationship." "clearly one that involves a lot of yelling." "the chief always expected a lot from Liz." "She's one of this department's rising stars." "Really?" "Liz?" "she's a little rough around the edges but she's the best partner I ever had." "The diamond is gone." "Get that through your thick skull!" "Why did she quit?" "She didn't quit." "What?" "She didn't tell you what happened?" "No." "that's her business." "I get it." "I get it." "Okay." "Let's go!" "How about you stay out of trouble for a change?" "How about you keep your nose on your face and not in everybody's business?" "Liz." "Yeah." "okay?" "thanks." "And hey." "I'm a cop." "Having my nose in everyone's business is my business." "Whatever." "So let's get back to the shopping and the grooming and whatever other nonsense it is that we have to do here." "What's really going on?" "Nothing." "Why were you thrown off the force?" "And why do you really care about a piece of costume jewelry?" "Tell me or you can forget about the deal." "It's not costume jewelry." "It's not costume jewelry." "The center stone in the necklace is a 21 carat pink diamond worth roughly $7 million." "what?" "Yeah." "It was stolen 2 months ago." "It was my fault." "There was a traveling exhibit of jewelry on display at the Civic Museum. was the star attraction." "I knew there was something special about it." "I was in charge of security." "real high-profile assignment." "I knew I had this on my own." "There was one thing I didn't count on." "one of the world's foremost jewel thieves." "( alarm ringing )" "being one of the only women on the force and with the chief constantly breathing it doesn't always feel like an option for me to ask for help." "So..." "I didn't call for backup." "I didn't call for backup." "I thought I had him." "Andthat'swheneverything just starting to go downhill." "Losingthatdiamondwas  ablackmarkonmyrecord anderasingthatmark was all I could think about." "Andworkstartingslipping andnobodyunderstood." "Ineededto makethis right." "but... eventually the chief had enough and..." "Turning by badge in was one of the worst moments of my life." "Wow." "That's..." "That's pretty awful." "I'm sorry." "Yeah." "But... how did I end up with the diamond?" "Well..." "Piercefoundabuyer forthediamond andhearrangedanexchange." "Butunfortunatelyforhim" "thesafarilook wasinthisseason." "Andhegavethe diamond tothewrongman ." "Sothenecklacewenton abitof an adventure." "Nooneelsewas aware of the diamond's real value." "MONICA:" "Howdidyou find allthisout?" "LIZ:" "A lot of good old fashioned shoe leather. watched thousands of hours of surveillance footage. because he is a mime." "And did you know that... is "no" in mime." "Hmm." "LIZ:" "Anyway I tracked a food truck for days and that necklace got it traded for hotdog." "Lost to a biker in a card game." "Sold to a pawn shop... where it was discovered by a local high school girl looking for something to wear to prom." "And that pretty much brings us up to date." "Why didn't you just tell me the truth?" "how could I be sure that once you knew the value of the diamond that you wouldn't disappear and try to sell it yourself?" "but you could've just sent the cops." "No." "No." "No." "You don't get it." "You don't get it." "I want to be the one to march the diamond in there. look the chief square in the eye" ""Lieutenant Elizabeth Morgan reporting recovery of stolen goods." "Monica." "huh?" "Making things right on your own." "Lone Ranger-style." "Lone Ranger style." "I like it." "that necklace was the one part of my outfit that I didn't put up for a vote." "I just..." "I just really liked it." "Wow!" "you have exorbitantly expensive taste." "Can I ask you something?" "Why is it so hard for you to make a choice on your own?" "I don't know." "I guess..." "I just..." "I don't want to make the wrong choice." "by making mistakes." "Everyone says that." "But there are real consequences." "There's real conseq-- Okay." "You're like 16 years old." "What's the worst that can happen?" "You wear blue eyeshadow instead of green?" "not that I care." "I'm colorblind." "I could be a disappointment." "People might not want to be around me." "Is this still about Kyle?" "Kyle." "Sure." "Or... my mom." "You got to be pretty disappointing to leave a 3 year old." "That..." "That was not your fault." "That's why I want to be prom queen." "You know people like you. a page in the yearbook." "It's official." "It's real." "no!" "What time is it?" "That's about 2 o'clock." "My driver's test!" "here we go again." "Here we go." "Hi!" "Hi!" "Hi!" "I'm here for my driver's test." "Please tell me I made it." "I can't handle missing any more appointments today." "You made it." "Barely." "Thank you." "Is this the car she'll be using for your exam?" "I'm sorry the what you'll be using for what?" "it is a driving test." "You'll need something to drive." "Hi!" "No." "No." "okay." "This was not part of the deal." "No one drives Brando but me." "okay." "He's quick off the line." "Sorry." "Sorry." "And the steering's loose until it gets about 40." "And the brakes are new so go easy..." "Sorry." "On him." "LIZ:" "And be careful parking." "Ma'am?" "This is your daughter's test." "Not yours." "She's not my daughter." "Forget it." "Just... pull Brando out of the traffic." "Watch the traffic." "Stop!" "Sorry." "Straight." "Okay." "( beeping )" "What the...?" "ignore it." "That's just my radar." "It means there's a highway patrol in the area." "That's actually not legal." "Oh!" "Garbage Truck!" "( indistinct chattering )" "( indistinct )" "Garbage cans!" "Stop now immediately." "At least I signaled that time." "Pull over!" "Get out!" "You're not driving another inch." "Wait." "Please." "Give me one more chance." "Floor it!" "What?" "LIZ:" "It's Pierce!" "Go now!" "I have to keep driving for a few more minutes." "give me one more chance." "Go faster!" "I cannot go faster." "There's a speed limit." "Okay." "I'm still being graded." "Yellow light!" "Run it!" "That was still yellow." "That was still yellow." "You can't dock me for that one." "okay." "We do not want this guy to catch us." "Stop!" "Can somebody tell me what the devil's happening?" "Get me out of this car." "gosh." "Would you stop your crying?" "Okay." "Just hold on you big baby." "I'm calling the police!" "That's not really going to work in here." "No signal?" "Yeah." "I told you." "( screaming )" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Okay." "there." "Take the freeway." "I've never been on the freeway." "Don't get on the freeway." "Yes!" "No!" "Don't get on the freeway!" "Wow!" "Close one." "That was terrifying." "Everything about this ride has been terrifying!" "it's about to get a whole lot more terrifying." "He's gaining on us." "Nitro boost." "What?" "Keep your eye on the road." "I'm gonna hit the red button." "The red button?" "You said not to push the red button." "I'm going to push the red button." "Why are you pushing the red button?" "Never push the red button." "Don't you watch movies?" "folks." "we're about to go a lot faster." "No." "Please don't make us go faster." "three!" "( indistinct )" "Help me please!" "( tires screeching )" "I'm driving here!" "Out of the way!" "yeah?" "You've got to be kidding me." "So... did I pass?" "Here's one without the bedpan." "Northwest Hospital." Found you." "Northwest." "You have to give me another chance." "You cannot fail me." "Oh." "No." "I most certainly can." "And I have." "failed." "wait... I got away from him without breaking the speed limit." "that kind of defensive driving right?" "you are quite literally the most dangerous driver" "I've ever tested." "You're lucky I don't permanently ban you from driving forever." "I don't legally think that you can do that." "Yeah." "You can take your test again in 9 months." "Nine months? I haven't thrown you in jail." "What?" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "We're not gonna be talking about jail here." "You can't legally do that either." "( indistinct )" "What are you doing?" "DMV:" "I'm having Brando impounded." "I can do that." "It's a death trap." "No way all that gear can be legal." "It most certainly is!" "Brando!" "Brando... (sighs) grunts)" "Get out your phone!" "Get your device!" "and the..." "Ober and the uCab and whatever!" "I can't believe that just happened." "you're a pretty terrible driver." "It's all ruined!" "Everything!" "my future ability to transport myself." "It's all because of..." "you and that stupid necklace!" "And this has literally been the worst day of my life!" "okay?" "I am not getting pouty!" "okay?" "You are still in danger." "(laughing) What?" "You're gonna protect me?" "The washed up cop that drove everyone so crazy she got herself fired?" "really?" "'Cause I can see what happened." "you have no idea what's actually going on around you." "I'm the obsessive one." "Yeah." "(robot voice) "I build websites though yes." (click)" "Are you kidding me?" "!" "At least I have enough sense of self that I'm not constantly seeking approval!" "Because nobody approves of you!" "and we need to get you back to the station." "you want the diamond?" "You can have the diamond." "I'm done with it." "I'm done with you." "The diamond is actually on you?" "It's in my purse." "Where is your purse?" "In the car." "we have to go get it!" "and... and... we have to go and get... it's... (shouts)" "(scoffs) You know what?" "You know what?" "I have one of these too!" "I need the number for a cab." "I'm aware that no one calls information any more." "um... no." "I'm very okay." "Monica." "so... uh..." "North Shore and Sunset." "or things might get a little... unpleasant." "MONICA:" "Taxi!" "Taxi." "I just need a regular cab to come pick me up." "right? and sometimes they have little numbers on the side that you..." "Liz!" "Liz!" "Liz!" "Monica?" "I'll call you back!" "What?" "Pierce has my dad!" "Anddon'tforgettobring mylittlejewel orthings mightgetalittle unpleasant." "What do we do?" "We do what he says." "But we don't even have the diamond." "That's our first stop." "You're gonna have to use your phone to summon us a cab." "you do." "Come on." "hi." "I need to get my car back." "Yeah." "Fill out all seven release forms and have a seat." "we're really in a rush." "So are all of them." "but here you go." "come on." "I don't care if it was J. Edgar Hoover himself." "just like everybody else." "can you at least tell me if my car is in this lot or not?" "and wait just like everybody else!" "stop." "Just come here." "MONICA:" "What do we do now?" "I don't know!" "Not a word." "(sighs) Come on." "Excuse me." "I probably could take a look at the IT system." "it's... probably." "get it cleared." "I do it with the library system when I take too long to read the books." "But it's hopeless without a password." "Poopy." What?" "!" "That's the password. "Poopy." "How do you know? and I'm guessing that number is closer to %100 when you and your dog have matching t-shirts." "I'll distract him." "right?" "(inhales deeply) Just...follow my lead." "whispers) Come on." "Um..." "Arnie..." "I think we got off on the wrong foot." "I just need the forms." "has anyone ever told you that... you have great...a great... forehead?" "Huh? whoop!" "I'm sorry!" "okay?" "What I'm trying to say is that..." "You have a tough job." "I see... and--and you're good at your job." "And I respect that." "that's... um... nobody ever seems to appreciate what I do around here." "I..." "I do." "I" " I-- f... find it very attractive... when a man is good at his job." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "you and you are the guardian of cars." "and that takes a strong constitution." "your constitution is so strong." "I really don't feel like I'm appreciated in this job." "I mean it's hard for people to see the real you." "I'm stuck in this office all day." "It's tough for a man." "it can't help that you're so... handsome!" "yep." "(inhales) It must make people feel really insecure." "Handsome?" "Me?" "but... maybe I can bend the rules just a little bit and check on your car." "Okay." "What is the plate number?" "four?" ""L"..." "Four." "M"..." "K"... say that again?" "Four..." "Yeah." "L"..." ""L." "' Four..." "'K' 4L4M1K" "Uh...well!" "Looks here like I'm the one that needs to be apologizing to you!" "and it's ready for immediate release." "that's great news." "That's great news." "just take this... and give it to the guard on level three." "Actually..." "That's my phone number." "have dinner some time?" "I'll bring my forehead." "you will!" "I was looking for the bathroom." "Second door on the right!" "I can hold it. (laughs)" "She'll hold it." "She's good like that." "You know..." "You and your daughter look like you could be sisters." "okay." "go!" "I didn't think you had it in you." "you were amazing!" "You're like Bill Gates but...smarter and with no glasses." "I can see why MIT wants you." "We make a pretty great team." "Yeah." "Um..." "The diamond isn't here." "I don't know!" "I put it in my makeup and now it's gone." "this is "Desert Flame." "I'm a "Mountain Sunset." (stammering) What happened?" "I would never wear "Desert Flame." "I'm a winter." "It completely washes me out." "think." "(sighs) and he is a shallow dirtbag." "Sierra!" "Sierra!" "MONICA:" "She's at the park!" "LIZ:" "Why is she at the park?" "it's the prettiest spot in town." "(scoffs) Please call me the second you get this!" "monster emergency!" "she could be anywhere!" "How are we supposed to get to her?" "quick." "we only have one left." "We'll take it. it's a little bumpy in here!" "okay?" "people." "Stayclearof  the vehicle's path." "I repeat." "okay?" "Whoa!" "easy!" "comin' through!" "(static)" "Sorry!" "to the right!" "right!" "LIZ:  (groans)" "MONICA: (groaning) LIZ:" "Monica...  push harder." "LIZ:" "Pushing!" "Just push it harder!" "LIZ:" "I am!" "Kyle?" "I've been meaning to talk to you." "look... you know?" "She's... but..." "I was hoping you'd still be my date tonight." "Wow." "Kyle..." "I--I don't know what to say." "Ido." "KYLE: (scoffs) Dude!" "no "man-girdle." "Kyle!" "Hello?" "we need to take pictures now!" "Monica?" "What are you doing here?" "Ashley." "babe?" "Be my date again?" "Huh?" "What?" "But you're my date!" "And she's..." "Riding a bicycle." "With the old lady from the mall." "Monica?" "Mm-hmm." "Did she just call me old?" "You know what?" "I believe she did." "(growls) That's not good." "seasoned." "(gasps) 'Cause you're not that old." "Don't make me do "The Macarena" again." "Yeah." "ASHLEY:" "What are you doing?" "Oh!" "ASHLEY:" "No!" "(squeals)" "BOTH: (screams)" "Sierra!" "There!" "(gasps) Go!" "(siren wailing)" "(gasps)" "LIZ: (grunts)" "MONICA:" "I just need your makeup." "But you're a winter!" "earlier we" "I just need your clutch." "okay." "how did that get in there?" "Long story." "How much time do we have?" "Just enough." "Okay." "Let's go." "this guy's not mess" "Just follow my lead." "MONICA:" "I'll be okay." "LIZ:" "We'll get your dad." "there's a door." "LIZ:" "Bingo." "( clanging )" "we could still take the diamond to the cops." "Let them help?" "okay?" "I know this guy Pierce." "All right?" "He's not messing around." "LIZ:" "This is the best way to protect your dad." "okay." "but then you'd get to march in the station with the diamond." "like you've always wanted?" "wouldn't it?" "But no." "If you hate the chief so much then why don't you just transfer to a different department?" "'Cause I can't escape her." "sucking out my soul." "really?" "Yeah." "um..." "That must be tough you have no idea." "I am fifth generation cop." "and she was." "pushing me to be the best." "Pointing out every mistake." "That...actually sounds kind of refreshing." "refreshing" isn't the word I would use." "but... you know?" "let me try that on for size." "thank you" "Monica." "I don't know what you're talkin' about." "then..." "How do you know when... you're not great?" "sometimes... you need a mom... telling you the truth." "That's...probably why I'm always asking everyone's opinion on things." "So you can be "perfect" after all." "So people won't leave you." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Something like that." "if I was your mom..." "I would tell you... that who you are today... is way more interesting than "perfect" will ever be." "you're such a great kid. (stammers)" "You're such a great kid." "And... the people who are worth keeping?" "Right?" "They're always gonna be around." "look at me." "They've always been there for me." "that's questionable." "(laughs) they've always been there." "they've always been there." "Let's go rescue your dad." "Yeah." "the most important thing" "Hello?" "!" "...is the element of surprise." "Sorry." "I c" " I'm sorry." "ladies!" "Care to join me?" "!" "LIZ:" "Get your walkin' shoes on." "PIERCE:" "These gizmos... do they?" "right in your lap!" "It's just...amazing." "Lieutenant." "former Lieutenant? coming from a guy who gave a $7 million diamond to a complete and utter stranger." "Where's my diamond?" "I think we can both agree that I have after you." "( whispering ) Give him the diamond." "It's okay." "Now give me my dad." "Monica." "Monica." "did you?" "What sort of incompetent criminal do you think I am?" "you will get your dad back." "Absolutely." "I'll send you a text message with warm weather." "Until then?" "Au revoir." "Liz?" "Monica? guy's kind of an idiot." "I--right?" "Am I right?" "Total idiot." "Exactly--what exactly do you mean by that?" "It's the 21st century." "It is." "I know exactly where my dad is." "honey." "Dad!" "I got you." "Hold on." "But how?" "How did you do that?" "Who is this creep?" "He's just a low-life long time." "What is that?" "high-voltage stunning thingy?" "How adorable." "Forgive me if I completely ignore it and just make my exit." "ha!" "Why are you smiling?" "I think it's because this time she called for back-up." "Yeah." "( police sirens )" "I need three teams!" "take this exit." "cover my back." "let's go!" "I guess I'll just have to make my exit via the high road." "dear." "( incoherent yelps )" "Where's my battering ram?" "Move it!" "Wait for my command!" "one!" "I have missed you." "yeah." "Ahh." "( laughter )" "( police radio )" "( cheering and clapping ) reporting recovery of stolen goods and apprehension of suspected perpetrator." "Permission to file a report." "Book 'im." "boys." "And get that necklace down to Evidence." "Lieutenant." "One more thing." "Yeah?" "You'll need your badge back." "( cheering and clapping )" "No!" "Thank you for saving me." "y'know." "How can I possibly go to MIT?" "what would you do without me?" "that can't be a factor in your decision." "Well..." "I mean I don't want to leave you." "that's how I'll know when I've done my job." "When you can leave." "I'm not going anywhere!" "I'm right here." "It's four years. guess what?" "too." "I'll be around." "Dad." "( pager goes off ) Oh!" "'scuse me." "Hey!" "it's okay." "you can make it!" "There's an opening!" "I'll give you a police escort! prom just doesn't seem that important." "okay?" "You have to go." "Come on!" "This is the biggest night of your high school career!" "But I don't have anything to wear." "Well...follow me." "Welcome to the coolest department store in the city." "Buzz us in." "Central Police Station Evidence Room." "Wow." "What is that?" "Can I touch anything?" "some criminals have great taste." "they do." "whatever you're feeling ♪ clear summer for sailing ♪" "♪ We will go all over the world ♪" "♪ We will go all over the world ♪ it's just the beginning ♪ we're spinning ♪" "What do you think?" "Do you like it?" "What do you think?" "wow." "what do you think?" "I like it." "I love it." "I really like it." "It even works with the hat." "right?" "But there's something missing. maybe a little of this?" "Wow... my goodness." "Perfect." "I can't." "It is way too valuable." "you're gonna need a full police escort." "I've never been to prom." "you are going to prom." "I'm going to prom?" "You're going to prom!" "I'm going to prom!" "whatever you're feeling ♪ clear summer for sailing ♪" "♪ We will go all over the world ♪" "♪ We will go all over the world ♪ it's just the beginning ♪ we're spinning ♪" "♪ We will go all over the world ♪" "♪ We will go all over the world ♪" "♪ And this bright life illuminates the way ♪ Listen up!" "♪ To a brand new place ♪ and a full squad inside!" "♪ A brand new day ♪" "♪ I don't know what to expect ♪ And keep your eyes on that necklace!" "whatever you're feeling!" "♪ clear summer for sailing ♪" "I never thought I'd live to see the day." "My daughter in a ball gown." "so... thanks." "It was just a little twisted." "thanks for everything." "clear summer for sailing ♪" "Thank you." "♪ We will go all over the world ♪" "♪ We will go all over the world ♪ Hey." "it's just the beginning ♪" "You cut your hair!" "she did." "I've had loads of experience." "Chop chop." "I love it." "Me too." "You look hot." "I almost forgot." "You won." "What?" "What?" "Yeah!" "In a landslide." "News about Kyle cheating on you with Ashley went viral." "Her support collapsed." "You are Prom Queen!" "um...wow!" "Group hug!" "let's go to prom!" "we're going!" "and it's just the beginning ♪ let's go!" "( clapping and cheering )" "♪ We will go all over the world ♪" "♪ We will go all over the world ♪" "Monica!" "thank you!" "This is an incredible honor. this moment is all I could think about." "and my day took a little bit of a detour." "there was this person." "she had terrible style she probably ruined my chance to ever legally drive in the state." "I'm so sorry." "But she taught me something." "Something I wanna share with all of you. it's okay to be that person." "And you don't have to put it up for a vote." "it's overrated." "And the people that really care about you?" "They're not going anywhere." "And I've decided to go to MIT next year." "you will!" "sorry." "I'm gonna miss you all." "So tonight?" "and have a great time." "Thank you." "The Fooo:" "♪ ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪" "♪ We've got the love together we can sing it ♪ all over the world ♪" "♪ We all belong together we can bring it ♪ all over the world ♪ gotta move like that ♪" "♪ Move like that to the groove like that ♪ all over the world ♪" "LIZ:" "Ed?" "You've--you h- you are you have such great nostrils." "Thanks." "um do you do you wanna dance?" "great." "Can I lead?" "Probably not!" "♪ Dance like that to the beat like that ♪" "♪ We got the love together we can sing it ♪ all over the world ♪" "( pop music playing ) still with the status quo ♪" "♪ I always wonder if it's all worth it ♪ too safe and out of touch ♪ let's skip that part real quick." "♪ I'm over waiting for ♪" "♪ something perfect ♪" "( yelling through megaphone ) ♪ Everything that could go wrong did go wrong ♪" "♪ And I could be freaking out 'cause ♪" "♪ everything that can go wrong will go wrong ♪ sorry!" "Okay." "Oh... how did that get in there?" "How much time do we have?" "Just enough." "we need the best part of the necklace." "DIRECTOR:" "One more right away!" "Uhh." "um... ( groaning with effort )"