"BOUDU SAVED FROM DROWNING" "Anne-Marie, you are as the nymphs." "Like them, you are lissom and could frolic in mossy glades, drink at the springs, dance naked in the moonlit summer nights." "Bacchus would have presided at the nuptials of Priapus Lestingois, and his Chloë Anne-Marie." "My good wife is quite unable to make me experience the joys of the flesh." "Must I therefore renounce them?" "While the gods grant me the strength and inclination and for as long as you are indulgent, little nymph," "I shall be your grateful lover and my pipes shall sing till their dying breath, the praises of Eros." "To think the upstairs maid's soldier never says a word and the other who's just married a dumb coalman." "You are lucky, Anne Marie, but you deserve to be, because you're pretty." " I love you, Mr Lestingois." " And I am lucky too." "Go... go prepare the soup." "And don't forget the salt." "I won't forget!" "While thinking of tonight!" "Expectation is an indispensable condiment for dreary daily chores." "She's charming." "But I fell asleep last night before going to her." "There's no getting away from it, I'm growing old." "My pipes are weary and some shepherd will soon lure her with his fresher flute." "Back already?" "I arrived in time for The Aspersion." " Ernest's burial was well attended." " He was your only friend." " I walked around the cemetery." " A good appetizer." " Come with me!" " No!" "Come!" "It's time to go!" "Come on!" "Have you seen my tyke?" "A black dog with long hair..." "he must've come this way." " Dream of a time..." " Sure, sure." "...give a kiss." "The wild rose blossom feels its bud opening." "How dark it is in the valley." "Copper, have you seen my dog?" "My dog..." " A dog?" " A black one with frizzy hair." "What else could you have but a frizzy dog?" "He just cleared out." "You better clear out, too." "Cos if you don't, I'll run you in." "Tell me sir, have you seen a dog?" "I lost it a moment ago and I'm so upset;" "it cost 10,000 francs." " 10,000 francs?" " But of course!" "Hey, friends..." "The lady lost her dog worth 10,000 bucks." "We'll look for it." " What breed and colour?" " It's a brown Pekingese." "Don't worry, we'll try to find it for you." "Thank you so much." "You look so sad, Miss." "Well, just imagine, I've lost my dog." " How terrible." " To say the least." "Shall we search together?" "Hop in, Miss." "Give this to the poor man;" "one must always help the less fortunate." " Why are you giving me 5 francs?" " To buy some bread." "Here's 5 francs." "Are you crazy?" "Are you making fun of me?" "To buy bread." " How much is Lettres d'Hamabed?" " 60 francs, sir." " You find that expensive?" " For my purse, yes." " You're a student?" " Yes, sir." " You like Voltaire..." " Yes." " And with good reason." " He's the one with good reason." " Here." "Take it." " I couldn't!" "You wouldn't deny me the pleasure." " Yes, of course!" " Wait a second." "Here it is." " Take this, too." " But you don't know me!" "I know you better than you imagine." "Your name is "Youth"." "The next time you come, not a word of this to my wife." " Give me that." " I'm doing no harm." "No, but you ought to be dusting the piano." "Mrs Lestingois will complain about the dust again." "Why do you have a piano no one plays?" "I know no one plays it;" "we have a piano because we're respectable people." "You're eyeing the ladies." "I'm jealous." "You mustn't be, jealousy is a horrid sentiment, worthy of neither your spirit nor your beauty." "In the winter forest the birds do freeze their nests like graves amid snowy trees" "April flies in on the wing" "A thousand voices bless the spring" "Your smile is my Spring, my heart feeling Cupid's sting" "Your smile is my Spring" "My Spring" "Wait, wait!" "Oh my goodness!" "Oh, he is beautiful!" "I've never seen such a perfect tramp!" "But what...?" "But, he's crazy!" " What's wrong with him?" " He's crazy... crazy." "What is it?" "What a crowd." "An accident." "Look there!" "I've seen so many, I don't bother anymore." "He's crazy, he'll drown." "A fine example of civic courage from a man of our class." "There's a dead body." "Wait." "Let me." "Let me." "It's crowded here." "Let's take him to my house." " Is it far?" " No, just over there." "What courage!" "They're not taking that into my house." "Allow us to close the door." "Bring the bench, quickly." "On the bench." " It's draughty." " That's what he needs." "It rarefies the atmosphere, but it's crowded here." "Let's go." " You're soaked." " You noticed." "Hold his head." "The tongue... put it out." "Not yours, his; grip it with your handkerchief." "Meantime, I'll keep up artificial respiration." "Go get monsieur's old coat and trousers from the cupboard." "Hurry!" "And bring some towels." "You are a hero." " Hitting him?" " It's good for the circulation." " This seat was just reupholstered!" " I told you it could wait." "You've done a very fine thing." "The poor devil is breathing." "Sir, do change your clothes, or you'll catch cold." "I brought monsieur's old shoes too." "You, continue." "Slap his hands and face as much as you can!" "Don't you belong to a life-savers club?" " No." "Why?" " We'll petition a medal for you." " I don't want a medal!" " Why not?" "You deserve one." "Quite right and we'll see to it." "I belong to a life-savers club, but," "I never saved anyone cos I never got the chance." " You need luck." " And you need to know how to swim." " You never learned?" " My specialty was runaway horses." "How are you, my friend?" " Am I dead?" " You're very much alive." "This is the man to whom you owe your life." " He did it against my will." " He's not himself yet." "I'll just have to do it again." " What did he say?" " He may be crazy." " Where are you going?" " To drown myself." " Again?" " He means it." "Not after I pulled you out." " Why'd you pull me out?" " To save you." "It was to save myself that I jumped in." "I'm sick of life." "You were probably alone;" "with no one to resort to." "We'll rally round in support." "Won't we gentlemen?" "Certainly, neighbour." "My wife must wonder where I am." "So I'll be on my way." "See you." "Bravo again." "I left my door open." "I'll see to the matter of your medal." "I'll leave you in peace now." "Now that we've met, I'm not going to abandon you." "You're no longer alone." " Now, what's your name?" " Boudu." " What?" " Boudu!" "Well, Mr Boudu, come along with me." "This way." "Undress." "Anne-Marie, fetch a nightshirt and socks from the wardrobe." "She's nice, is she your daughter?" "Sit." "Let me take your pants." " I've got a cold now." " It's your own fault." "No, it's all his fault." "I'm hungry." "We'll get you some soup and poached eggs." "I don't like soup..." "and eggs hurt my stomach." " What would you like?" " Sardines, bread and butter." "We'll get it for you." "Wait!" "I'm drying you off!" "I want the lady to leave." " Me?" " Yes, you." " You want me to go?" " Yes, and faster than that." "Do as the poor fellow wants;" "and open a tin of sardines for him." " My back was turned." " Even so, you're embarrassing him." "She's embarrassing me." "Even with her back turned, she's embarrassing me." " My suspenders." " They're worn out;" "I'll give you some." " No, no, I want mine." " But, they're worn." " They work for me!" " Ok, don't get excited." "I want my suspenders." "They're mine, my suspenders." "Here you are." " Here's a nightshirt." " Good, thanks." "It'll be too small." "Well, I wasn't expecting you." " Go get one of my ties." " No!" " Don't you want a tie?" " What is it?" "It's a bit of cloth worn around the neck." "Around the neck?" "What for?" "It's not an absolute necessity;" "if you don't want one." "No, I don't want a tie." "Go fetch a pair of my slippers." "Meantime, you can wear mine." "Now try on this coat." "What a get-up;" "I'd never dare go out in the streets in it." " Why?" " Kids would call me scum." "Just pull your trousers up a bit." "It doesn't fit." "I'll buy you a lovely new suit tomorrow." " One my size?" " You can choose it yourself." " With black and white checks." " The one you want." " And are you paying for it?" " Of course." "In that case, I'd love it." "Here are your old slippers." " Why's she putting them on?" " Because I like to." "Can't he bend down?" "She stuck her tongue out at me." "Pay no attention, she's a child." "I'm going to have to sleep out again tonight." " Here are your sardines." " It's about time." " Is it all right?" " Is it dripping on the bread?" "No, it's fresh butter, from Normandy." "It's much better than drippings." "Drink a bit." " Is it good water?" " It's white wine." "What's wrong?" "It stings." " You prefer water?" " Of course." "He's already drunk enough." "Get him some water if he prefers it." "Nice and cold." " Why is she saying, "Oh!" "Oh!"?" " No reason, it's only for fun." " What?" " What do you sell in your shop?" "I sell books." "I'm a bookseller." "Can you read?" "A little... big letters." "I hope we're not going to keep that dirty beggar here." "I don't at all know where I'm going to sleep tonight." "Ah, yes." "Give him 5 francs for a hotel." " A hotel?" "Never!" " The water!" " Why?" " I'll never go to a hotel again." "You don't like hotels?" "Why didn't you let me drown?" "We'll make up a bed for him on the divan." "You're the master of the house." "Is she your wife?" " What?" " Is she your wife?" "Yes, that's Mrs Lestingois." "He's on familiar terms with you now?" "Do you mind?" "Not at all." "Because I like you!" "Her twitch is acting up." "Seriously, Edouard, what are we going to do with this man?" "Seriously, Emma, I've no ideas yet." "I'm embarrassing you." "I can tell." "Some dosh!" "They're lottery tickets I forgot in the pocket of the coat." " Lottery tickets?" " Yes." "I don't recall when I bought them." "Yes, it was with Ernest." " Poor Ernest." " Yes, he's dead." " He's dead?" "Ernest?" " Yes." "He's lucky." "Come, Anne-Marie, it's nearly dinner time." "Set a place for my friend Boudu to dine with us." " No, I'm no longer hungry." " You must eat." "I'll give you one ticket and I'll keep the other." "You could win 100,000 francs." "Can you see yourself with 100,000 francs?" "What would you do if you won 100,000 francs?" "I'd buy a bicycle." " Can you ride a bicycle?" " How, when I've never learned?" "Where has that creature got to?" "What are you doing there?" " Where are you going?" " Me?" "I'm not going anywhere." "Going to that girl downstairs?" "Why aren't you asleep?" "I can't sleep in a bed;" "it's too hot." "It's too soft and I hate sweating between sheets." "Don't you?" "I think the bed is a marvellous invention." " Go to bed, then." " I am going to bed." "Rosie!" " What?" " Have you any matches?" " Thanks." "You don't need them?" " No, keep them." "Tell me, Edouard, did you know that Ernest had a mistress?" "I hope so for his sake." "Naturally, you approve." "And you didn't even come to his funeral." "You won't choke with emotion." "I have quite enough choking with my asthma, thank you." "But you were his friend." "Not going to his funeral means nothing." "I was his friend and he knew it." " I just don't understand you." " So you noticed?" " Why did you cry the day he died?" " I cried?" "I saw you." "What are you doing?" "Luckily, I'm no longer thirsty." "Why did you put salt on the wine?" "Because you made a stain..." "it's to draw out the wine." "She's nice, your wife." " I leave you to your friend." " You bug me." " What are you doing?" " It's to draw out the salt." "Instead of singing, you'd better help Anne-Marie." "Let me take those." " Don't forget about Judge Rougier." " Judge Rougier?" "You're to deliver the works of Baudelaire." " Where does he live?" " The address is in the ledger." "What time is it?" "The oaf!" "I'd better go." " Fine mess you made." " It's 2 o'clock." "I've had enough!" "Help me pick them up." "It's your fault, too." "Why did you ask me the time?" " Just for a laugh." " I'm not laughing." "I didn't think you'd drop the tray to take out your watch." "It's broken." " Did you wind it?" " I wind it all the time." "You wind it too much." "When monsieur gave it to you, he said to wind it only once a day." "He gave it to me because it's broken." "Think so?" "He wore it when he jumped in the water." " You forget it was to save you." " He could've taken it off." "He'd not have thought of it." "It's always the same;" "everyone takes advantage of him." "And that man." "What a beast!" "Boudu!" " Did I spit again?" " Yes, you know how I detest that." " You have a handkerchief, right?" " I have a handkerchief." "Use it for goodness sake." "Use it." " I thought it was for nose- blowing." " It's also for spitting in." "And afterwards?" "What do you do with it?" " Put it in your pocket." " But that's dirty." "Less dirty than spitting on the ground." "Anyway, you'll do as I say." "Don't lose your temper;" "I'll spit wherever you say." " What now?" " He's tickling me!" " Who me?" " Yes, you!" " Boudu." " What?" "You must mend your ways, my friend." "Me?" "You must mend your ways, my friend." "He's not very serious, Mr Lintesgois." "Who's that?" "Mr Lintesgois;" "he makes me laugh, that lad." "He's a maniac, Lintesgois." "Lestingois." " What did I say?" " Lintesgois." "You should at least know your benefactor's name." "It's such a long name." "This is dirty;" "it should go to the laundry." "What a pig!" "So you don't find him serious?" "First of all, he'd never seen me before." "So why did he fish me out?" "I can't think why." "Maybe he needs a servant." "I'd like to understand." "Stop playing around!" "I'm all wet!" "If it was thanks monsieur wanted, he got short-changed!" "Lestingois." "Lestingois." " You don't say thank you?" " Leave me alone for once!" "It would deprive you to say thank you." " I've never thanked anyone." " I guessed as much." " Did you guess all by yourself?" " All by myself." " Do you eat well here?" " Yes, I eat well." " You sleep here, too?" " Yes, I sleep here, too." "And you look good in your nice suit?" "Yes, I look good in it." "And to whom do you owe your enjoyment of all these comforts?" "To God." " What if monsieur hadn't saved you?" " I'd be in heaven." "Suicides don't go to heaven." "You don't know religion and you're ungrateful!" "Me, ungrateful?" " Do you want me to kiss you?" " Don't get carried away." " Do you know how to kiss?" " I don't." " Would it be your first kiss?" " No, I used to have a dog." "A dog?" "He kissed me." " He licked you?" " He licked me." " And you kissed him?" " Yes." "Did you enjoy it?" " You could kiss me." " What became of your dog?" "I don't know; he disappeared." " Maybe you didn't kiss him well." " Oh, I kissed him well." " Do you want to kiss me?" " I don't like men with beards." "Want me to cut it off?" "Yes, cut it off;" "then we'll see." " Then you'll kiss me?" " We'll see... if I like you." "Do you like me now?" "You're crazy." " The barber must cut your beard." " Why?" " You're uglier than before." " Kiss me now." "Don't touch me or I'll call Mr Lestingois!" " What's the matter?" " I wanted to kiss her." "And I didn't want him to." "Your beard is lopsided." "She said she'd kiss me if I'd cut it off." " Did you promise?" " No, I swear." "Here's money for the barber;" "get him to shave you." "You're not going out like that, are you?" "Your shoes aren't polished." " Cos my shoes aren't polished?" " Of course, you fool." "You aren't angry with me, are you?" " Why should I be?" " I never see you at night now." "How can I see you with that creature about?" "He can't hold his tongue." "I'm sure you're no keener than I, for madame to find out about our nightly meetings." "It's all so sad." "I'm bored all alone in my room." "You don't think my thoughts exactly frolicsome, do you?" "Do you regret having saved him?" "At night, yes." "What am I doing?" "I'm getting upset." "What about your delivery to Judge Rougier?" "I'm going." "What a beast." "I'm off to the barber." "Are your shoes polished?" "You bet they're polished." "Edouard!" " Know what Boudu's done now?" " What has he done now?" "He's left the kitchen tap on." " Really?" " The room is flooded." "What is it now?" "Your friend Boudu!" "Look!" "I'm tired of laughing things off;" "he'll have to go at once!" "I told you so." "Nothing can be done with this creature!" "I told you so the first day." "One should help only one's own kind." "You'd certainly be better rewarded." "But what will become of him?" "I hope that's no longer your concern." "But I am still concerned." "He may disgust me, but I did give him his life back." "I'm a sort of godfather to him." "Off on your high-flown talk again." "After another futile sermon, you'll let him stay." "I said he must go and he will tomorrow." "What is it?" "He spat in Physiology of Marriage." "The pig!" "Even if it takes my boot on his backside, he'll have to go." "There's no need for brutality;" "it won't take me long to tell him." " He spat on Balzac." " He respects nothing." " And a magnificent edition, too." " I'm not surprised." "I simply wouldn't have believed it!" "This is the reward for your devotion." "You seem angry, Mr Lestingois;" "not with me, I hope." "No, you know how much I enjoy your presence." "But Boudu's always between us now." "Not for long, I promise." " Really?" " Yes." "How wonderful!" "I thought you loved him." " Boudu?" " Yes." "I'll love you all my life." "Of course, but you might have..." "loved him too." "At the same time as you?" "I'm off, or you'll make me cry." "Tears make you look so pretty that I'd have no regrets." "I'm quite exhausted." "BARBER" "Been to the barber?" "Very nice." " Madame has something to say to you." " To me?" "The man who spat in Balzac's Physiology of Marriage," " means nothing to me." " Who is that man?" "Go and ask my wife." "Where is she?" "So there's another spitter, is there?" "Don't be stupid;" "I want to talk to you." "I smell nice, don't I?" "Yes." "You've been to the barber?" "Do you like me now?" " Me, Mr Boudu?" " Yes, you." " Don't be so familiar." " What are you saying?" "Listen to me, Boudu." "We, Mr Lestingois and I, are your benefactors." "Yes, I know." "I know." "You do not seem fully aware, of the obligations inherent in your situation." "What is she saying?" "You come into an honest, middle class family, and start behaving like a caveman!" "In cleaning your shoes, you made complete pandemonium of my room!" " Panty yummy yum?" " Don't be funny!" "It's disgraceful!" "Can't you clean your shoes properly?" "How's that?" "Everything you need is in the kitchen!" " Polish?" " There's polish in the kitchen!" "I don't like polish." "No, you prefer my satin quilt!" "It's disgraceful!" " I won't do it again." " Too late!" " What's that you have there?" " What?" " I don't know." " Here?" "A beauty spot." "What was I saying?" "I don't know." "Why do you have a mark like that?" "Let's stick to the point." "I like you, Emma." "Please, do not forget to show me the proper respect." " I'll give you respect." " What's gotten into you?" "!" "Why are you making these faces?" "You're frightening me!" " Afraid, Emma?" " Yes, I'm afraid!" "Victory, dear neighbour!" "Victory!" "It's done!" "You've been decorated!" "For rescuing Boudu; it will be announced tomorrow." "Ridiculous; anyway, I didn't make a formal written request." "I and madame signed it, as a surprise for you." "A forgery." "Now I'm simply going to look ridiculous." "Your master has been decorated for his good deed." "It's done; your husband has been decorated, thanks to me." "Have you really been decorated?" " Apparently so." " Thanks to me!" "Let me embrace you, dear benefactor." "A good deed's never wasted;" "let's drink to it." "Let's go." "Excuse me, my friend, I can't see Mr Lestingois; is he out?" "Lestingois?" "Aren't I alive?" "A while ago I asked him, for a popular first edition of The Flowers of Evil." "This isn't a flower shop, it's a bookseller's." "I'll look in again." "The flowers of evil." " Tell me, Anne-Marie." " What?" " Did you see that client?" " Which client?" " The one who just left." " No, I've just arrived." "What of him?" "You should have seen me deal with him." "I could be a bookseller if I wanted." "A bookseller who'd never passed any exams." " Where would you sell books?" " Here, and you'd be my little wife." "When I tire of being sensible, I'll think of you." "I want it to be now." " I've a present for you." " What is it?" "The lottery ticket monsieur gave me the day he fished me out." "He gave it to you, so keep it." "I love you, so what's mine is yours." "You love me?" "Lucky me!" "Don't you want to be my little wife?" "When there are 2 Sundays in a week." " Alright; will that be soon?" " Wait and see." " You're making fun of me?" " You've finally noticed?" "You're a bad girl." "Complete list of winning numbers in the Colonial Exhibition lottery!" "Is it you, Mr Lestingois?" "Hey, what's this number here?" "It's 346." " And this one?" " It's also 346." " Is that your ticket?" " Yes, it's mine." "Then you've won 100,000 francs." "What the hell is it to you?" " What are you doing?" " Nothing." " What are you thinking?" " Nothing." " Mr Lestingois isn't here?" " Not unless he's become invisible." "Are you afraid?" "Why are you running away?" "Do I scare you?" "Is your conscience troubling you so much?" "Bad boy!" "I'm not bad." "Have we forgotten everything already?" "Silly boy, nobody's going to hurt you." "On the contrary." "Aren't you happy here?" "Tell me." "What's wrong?" "Answer me, darling." "What's been wrong the last eight days?" "Do you flee your beloved?" "There is no temptation." "What are you doing there?" "My God!" "If you faint, I'll slap you!" "I'm so ashamed!" " Think of the scandal." " You shut up as well." " There are points to clarify." " They're all quite clear enough." "I'm going to be able to marry you." "Be quiet." "The situation is perfectly clear, blindingly so, in fact." "So I shall make no fuss." "Nonetheless, morality demands the situation be put right." "Edouard, the ticket..." "The lottery ticket... 100,000 francs." "You see..." "I won." "I won!" " So, then..." " I won." "Let us bless happy fortune, in the form of a lottery ticket which permits union between carefree youth and innocent beauty." "For once, both modern morals and laws of nature are satisfied." "Let us invite the gods to preside over the union of Priapus Boudu and his Chloë Anne-Marie." "I can't eat this without bread." "Where's Boudu?" "Did he run away or did he drown?" "A savage!" "I don't care one bit, wherever he may be." "It's his destiny, drifting with the currents." "In the blue water and the blue firmament the violins sow their haunting strains and the love vows of the sender ever sweeter and more tender hold you in love's embrace again" "THE END"