"Yutz!" " Stutters!" " Mussa!" " You Belgian!" "Sometimes, what seems like an impossible encounter, random, wholly arbitrary, may, in retrospect, turn out to be the clockwork of fate." ""Cafe tales"" "then again, I may just be bullshitting you." "It all started yesterday morning." "I got up to face another day, just like the last 372, since the day I fired myself and quit work." "They call me Yutz." "That name's signed to two books of poetry, which, more likely than not, none of you have ever read." "For three years I've tried to put a single word to paper for my next book," "which nobody's likely to read, either." "Thirty years running, I've started off each day at my local cafe, trying to justify having woken up." "Yesterday was supposed to have been a day like any other, but fate made sure to kick off my morning with extra misery." "Fucking shit!" " Repossession?" " Repossession." "This is Leah Braun." "She and her husband, Mietek, founded the cafe in '59." " Repossession happens to people who have jobs, property." "People who work, not retired poets." " I made out a check to some dipshit," "It must have bounced." " You're handing out checks, while you still owe me 5,000?" " It's a year old..." "Show some finesse, you Canaanite boor!" "We met in Jerusalem, hadn't seen each other since we were kids, suddenly he shows up, disheveled, divorced, fat..." ""Yutz, she cheated on me, Yutz, she left me..."" "It'll be all..." "What's become of you?" "You look like you died and got shat back into life just to remind me how close I am to the grave." "Put a lid on it!" "I can't stand 50 year olds who howl." "It'll be all right..." "I'll live in tel Aviv for a while, forget all about her." "You'll help me, right?" "Yutz..." "Yutz, Yutz..." "So I look after the gobshite, I have this weakness for the weak, took him from one cafe to another." "I've got temporary cash issues, so the crybaby pays knowing I'll pay him back when my issues are resolved." "Sounds idyllic?" "When did things go bankrupt?" "May I come in?" " I've got a friend on the roof," "Shmu'eli, another patient, he wants coffee." "And quit bawling before I throw up on you!" "Get in!" "Shpoon, it's hot, blow on it before you drink." "You're crying, Shmu'eli, I can hear you crying." "I can't help it, Yutz, I'm depressed." "Enough, already!" "You've been on my back for six months," "I waste my precious time on you, when I should be writing, so here's a new prognosis for you:" "You're not depressed!" "I am..." " Are not!" " Am so!" "You see Shpoon?" " Yeah." " He's a musician." "Gifted." "Half a year ago, this girl broke his heart." "He stopped playing." "Now he just stands there like that." "He knocks, I let him in, he stands there, silent." "What's that supposed to prove?" " That he's depressed." "Introverted." "With you, it's all outwards, it's collective, it's bovine, it's whining, it's got nothing to do with depression!" "Did he try to kill himself?" " Never asked him." " I did." "That's what you keep saying, but someone your age should be able to pull it off" "If I jump off your roof now, would that prove it?" "You won't." " I will." "Then jump!" " I'll jump" " Jump, jump!" "Are you jumping, or what?" "I haven't got all night." "He jumped?" " He jumped." "He jumped backwards, the oaf." "He was obviously too spineless to do something that noble, and off himself for me." "You see?" "I told you." "You wanted me to do it!" "You wanted me to die!" "Give me the money you owe me." "Imbecile!" "I saved you seven years' worth of therapy plus medication, I just proved you want to live, and you're charging me for six months over which" "I had the grace to put up with your presence, in those cafes?" "!" "I've kept track, you owe me 302 shekels." "You kept track, eh?" "Know what?" "I haven't go it on me now," "I'll give you a check for the end of the month, take it and get the fuck out of my life." "In retrospect, it might have been better had he jumped." "I wouldn't have had to deal with the envelope that morning." "But I probably couldn't have helped it." "Fate was in gear." "He passed the check to some lawyer, 300 shekels became 3,000." "They're due by the end of the month, or else..." " Repossession." "I'll get you some iodine." " And beer." " Lowlife, it's 7:00 AM." "Stop that." "I'm high strung, just look at what's become of Palestine." " There's nothing... the crone likes hearing me go on about Palestine, it's like we share a mutual lie that things used to be better here." "Then she lets me have a drink." "On credit!" "Truth is, things used to be better in the cafe." "You'd need a visa just to get a hold of a table, and you'd sit far off, so all sorts of generals and poets wouldn't glance your way and see you were breathing." "Yutz..." "Good morning, Yutz." "Got a shekel?" "On philosophic grounds, I refuse to take part in your ritualistic self humiliation." " Say what?" "Say "Fuck off, I've got my own problems to handle!"" "This is Shekel." " Shekel!" "Your little bluebird is loose!" "Come inside, I'll see to your hand." "The shamelessness of beings such as he," "Be right there." "The utter lack of inhibition can be frightening." " Move it!" "But fate is less prone to fear than you or I, and often allots Shekel and his ilk, the role of Hero, on a day like today." "Ziv..." "Ziv, it's not funny." "Because I've been leaving you messages for two weeks, and..." "Come over." "Tonight?" "It was tuchterman who sent you the repossession notice, huh?" "The Junior, the son, the dog." "You missed him by two minutes." " He came by to nag?" "The usual nonsense." " What'd you tell him?" "That I shit on him." "Nurit, isn't it about time your mom and I had a kid?" "She'll pay the bills and I'll teach him civility, since she's something of an ogre." "Tuchterman... this is the dog." "A lawyer, son of a lawyer, runs errands for his daddy, who's cup runneth over." "A horseman astride the steed of evil." "Word is your dad had to bribe half the faculty just to get you your law license." "A line from one of those songs of yours, Putsman?" " A poem," "About a bastard who makes his living fleecing old widows and banging hookers at tel Barukh." " Sounds like an OK song." "Poem, you illiterate!" "I call it "tuchtervile", after vileness, lowliness and it's right to exist in a miserable world." " Touching." "I see you've gotten my love letter?" "Allow me to quote a dear old friend, here beside me." ""I shit, On you"" "You can wither and die without seeing one red cent from me." "Nurit, come here, I'd like you to see something." "Stay there, there's nothing here for you." " Shut up, mom." "This is a municipal engineer report, stating that this building is an unsafe structure." "Right here, on your mother's table, I have this document, that says that if I don't appeal within ten days, we can demolish this place and build a new one." "So we've got two options, patch up or tear down." "I'll tear down that face of yours..." "Should I choose to bring it down, your mom forfeits her statutory tenant benefits, including her key money." "That's the law." "Personally, I'd rather tear it down and rebuild, but..." "My father... this building has sentimental value to him." "Your dad and I go way back." "First, he conned me, and after my husband died, he tried to woo me." "Leah, 202,000 dollars." "That's our final offer." "Any more is uneconomical." " Go to Hell!" "Nurit, I've had it with her." "If she doesn't comply by the end of the day," "I'll say the word and bring in the bulldozers." "Mom, we need to talk." "Sweet Nurit." "Her dad died young enough to end up much too pleasant a memory." "It's wreaked havoc with the opposite sex for her, and screwed things up even worse with her mother." "Nurit, go home." " No." "Finish up with Yutz, and we'll talk." "This morning, she came in with a weapon against the old lady." "But a gun's lot is to seek the right act in which to go off." "The city council(Homonym, "gunshot") helps scum like him wreck a historical landmark." "Yutz... what's become of Palestine..." "And this is tzaler." "Last week he sold his penthouse, in the building, to tuchterman." "Ever since, he's been ashamed to talk to Leah." "Must be some sort of European honor." "He walks in, parks his elderly ass on the Formica, orders tea, and just stares at Leah, like a Labrador, frying our nerves with that teaspoon." "But the old cow is too obtuse to get mad at him." "Or might it be love?" "What do we do?" "What do we do, for fuck's sake?" "Good morning, Yutz." "This is the Belgian." "He's from Belgium." "May I sit down?" " No." "Why?" " Because you're Belgian." "What've you got against Belgians?" " Can't stand 'em." "Since when?" " Ever." " How come?" " 'Cause they're from Belgium!" "As an immigrant, the Belgian lacks familiarity with his environment." "He's a pain in the ass, and he gets whipped for it." "That's why he has his camera, behind which he hides." "But a shield may prove to be a two edged sword, on a day like today." "Belgium is like a woman without tits." "It's not Holland, it's not France, it doesn't exist." "But I exist." " Only in your imagination." "Why are you laughing?" " You make me laugh." "Then buy me a beer." " I haven't got any money." "You came here, blew all your New Immigrant benefits, and now you can't afford to buy me a beer?" "How should I?" "I'm an artist, just like you, Yutz." "I know, you're a brilliant photographer, but you were too good for Belgium, Europe is no more than a ghost town, so you came here, cause this is where it's all happening in art." "Why are you so aggressive?" "What have I done?" "The Law of Return is the most severely fucked law we've got." "Any mook who got circumcised can just pop in, eat my food, breathe my air, and on my taxes." "You don't pay taxes." " Sit, Belgian, no offense intende, we're all refugees here." " Let go of me." "Don't get all worked up, I was just kidding." "Get a picture of this, "Yutz's crusade against the global economy," ""and against tuchterman." The Nazi!" "We have to talk." " About what?" "For starters, tuchterman." "You've got 'till tomorrow." "If you don't move, he'll send in the bulldozers." "Let them come, they'll have to bury me alive." "I'll cuff myself to the toilet, in the bathroom." "Mom, we're dealing with town hall, court... - thieves!" "A municipal mafia, that's what it is." "I smell something burning." "Something's burning." "It's Vachnish's toast." "It's burnt to a crisp." "There you go." "I've been waiting twenty minutes for this frigging toast, and this is what I get?" "This is the joint, that's the toast." "Want it?" "Have it." "Don't want it?" "We'll give you your money back, just lay off." "Fuck this..." "Nurit, what's with your mom?" "She's been inside all morning." "What's with her, Yutz?" "Why don't you tell me?" "Don't worry, we'll handle the tuchtermaniac." "You really believe this place has a right to exist?" "Your mother is an antique Canaanite troubadour." "So long as she's here, this country has a right to exist." "Her accountant's not buying that." " Meaning what?" "Moron!" "Get over your poems!" "We can't run this place on memories and a few 12 shekel toasts per day!" "Last month, she loaned me 2,500 shekels." "I don't want to hear it." "Another beer?" "And for you?" "Water." "A glass of water." "And a newspaper, have you got "Ha'aretz"?" "There you go." "Belgian, this isn't a library." "You want water?" "Get it from a tap." "Get up, get up, get up, hurry, Belgian!" "Get a picture, get this!" "The New Jew, laid bare, a cross between nothing and nothing else!" "Good morning, Yutz." "This is Avram." "He started stuttering at age seven, when his dad passed away." "Two years ago, when his mom went, that was the blow that broke him beyond repair." "Ever since, he's had a thing with his pants." "Who stole your pants?" "Some bi..." "Some bi... - tch." "Fucking Bitch, fuck her and fuck her mother too!" "I've got to have a drink." "You notice my stutter's really b... bad today?" " No." "I've been on ed... edge all morning." "Where's Regina?" "Died three years ago, Stutters." "Nurit's here, she'll take care of you." " Hey, Nurit!" "Been a while, sweetie." "Get me a Zach..." "Zachlawi with water on the side." "No brouhaha today, got that?" "You drink what your head and wallet can handle, check?" "Start getting rowdy, and I stuff you and mount you on my wall." "Why are you s... here... 50 shekels for this b..." "Bottle, and you decide about the next..." "You... decide, Victor, y..." "Whoa, what's up stutter-fuck?" "Inherit a fortune, did we?" "Cheers, Victor." "So, you drank?" " Yeah." "By myself, solo, at first." "Just the... way I like it." "Nurit, get me more Z..." "Za..." " Arrack, get him some arrack, before he chokes." "Right." "And then she came in, the s..." "You drinking all alone, cowboy?" " Up to you." "If you want, I'm a... all yours." "Nice pants, your mommy get you those?" "God rest her soul, hallowed be her memory." "I could just cry. - 20 years ago, on a trip to Greece, she got me these." "With her sister Miriam, my aunt." "She passed away two years ago." "My m... mother, not my aunt." "I wore them to the funeral, and lo..." "lo..." " Lolobrigida." "Long after." "Ever since." " Don't get offended," "I like your stutter, I find it sexy." "Can I buy you a d..." "a drink?" "I don't drink arrack." "That's for Arabs." "Victor, give me a bottle of vodka." "Anastascia, dear, I'll give you one shot, and that's it." "The night is young, Victor." "And you know it's not good for me to get upset." "Stutters, let's make tonight interesting." "Talk, darling..." "You and me, one bottle each." "If I go under, I'll let you slip into my pants and take a tour of my vagina, for as long as you want." "If you pass out first, I take mommy dearest's pants, and they go home on me." "S... tupid cunt holds her liquor, Yutz." " Drank more than you?" "Hold on, I haven't gotten there yet." "Like I said, she drank a shot, I drank one, until we went through a whole b... b..." " Ballast." " Exactly." "Then she tells the barman:" ""Giv... giv... giv..."" "Give us two more bottles, Victor." "Uh Uh... you've had enough!" " You're kicking me out?" "You and your mothers Russian whore cunt!" "Now, just because you talked like a peasant, I won't budge," "And the stutterer stays with me 'till I say otherwise." "Taking out the trash!" "I like the way Stutters narrates himself." "Sort of a mix between John Wayne and Zalman(Euphemism:" "Doofus)." "But the crux of this farce has always been the pants." "Like the limerick says:" ""If Zalman drops his pants," ""you'll see his soul underneath."" "What fun!" "You b..." "You broke his balls, you're lo..." "lo..." " Lolobrigida." "I'm Gina Lolobrigida." "I'm in love." "I think I'm in love with you, Anastascia." "So you lost the bet and the tzar's daughter made off with your mother's pants?" " Don't know, Yutz." "All I remember is we got to my place, started drinking," "I woke up, no Anastascia, no pants..." "You know what's saddest, Yutz?" "I can't even remember if I f..." "Found carnal union with your beloved." " Fucked her." "Shoot this, Belgian, shoot!" "Sorrow dons a new face, and that's the face of our times." "Tuchterman has an office, at tuchterman  tuchterman." "For years the firm has subsisted on the practice of buying assets with key money and hounding the tenants until they evict themselves." "But I digress." "Tuchterman Junior's love of Israeli folk music is fated to provide the orchestral score to our revels when it inexorably saves our cafe." ""...cossack horsemen, galloping to war..."" ""...cossack horsemen, galloping to war..."" "Israel?" " Yes, dad?" "Have you paid the hag a visit yet?" " I showed her the warrant." "And...?" " She mouthed off, as usual." "But her daughter..." "Nurit?" " Nurit, yes." "I believe applying a bit more pressure might get her to persuade her mother." " Then press, press!" "I want that old biddy out Before I die!" "What, what're those?" "!" "Your mother was lucky she died when she did, didn't have to see the shit you've become." "Some lawyer..." "I couldn't take it anymore." "I couldn't cope." "Tuchterman pushed and pushed." "How could I fight back?" "I'm long past my prime." "He showed me some warrant and... offered so much money for the penthouse, for the house." "Mine and Bertha's." "And I..." "I haven't got any kids, no one to inherit," "I thought I'd best go off and die in a nursing home." "Die, nothing." "What are you going on about?" "A home would be perfect." "You'd be with others your age, you'd eat right, get medicine on time." "Life!" "I've been dead a long while." "What will become of you?" "What will be?" "Tuchterman got us all out, I'm the last." "You're on your own now." " Tuchterman and the council will have to kill me before I give any of this up." "You're a lioness, Leah." "He's calling in the 'dozers tomorrow?" "T... tuchterman?" "At the break of dawn." "I was there, I heard it all." "He means it this time." "He's got a warrant from the city council." " My mom has a c... cousin who was a mover and shaker in the council." "Let's get in touch with him." " Can't, he died ten years ago." "Yutz." " Mussa!" "What are you doing here, aren't you at Barbie?" "I got out." "Here's my Declaration of Independence." "Mussa came to tel Aviv four years ago, fairly talented." "He was an item." "An Arab who's muse was painting the Jewish pubis." "He fell in love with one of his models, and she with him, right up until he asked her to marry him." "Don't take a picture, Belgian." "He went home, to his village, Got in bed, slept three months, woke up in "Abarbanel" mental institution." "Because he hung his room from his ceiling." "Mussa!" "Mussa, Mussa, open up..." "Come on, Mussa, open up." "Open up, we don't want trouble, just open the door!" "Come on, Mussa." "Let's go." "Just come quietly." "Come on..." ""His initial refusal to cooperate was founded on" ""the claim that he was engaged in artistic pursuits," ""all egedly a showpiece..."" " Alegedly. - "and that" ""the rage that erupted from him was in response to" ""an infringement of his artistic liberties."" "As far as we're concerned, what's relevant is not how they got Mussa into Abarbanel, but whether or not he was released before his time." "His violence would join the ranks of fate's pawns." ""After three months of self imposed silence," ""the inmate began cooperating with the hospital staff." ""In time, he also showed marked progress" ""in all matters of cog..."" " Cognition." ""And communication with his peers." ""My recommendation is that he be discharged under" ""psychiatric supervision."" " But look at you, Mussa." "How'd you convince them to let you go?" " Tits." "T... tits?" " Tits!" "They showed me Rorschach inkblots, I said "tits"." "In art class, I sculpted tits." "On the wall in my cell, I drew nothing but... - tits." "In my sessions with my psychiatrist," "I'd just sit there and home in on her tits." "At last, she said it was a past traumatic reaction." " Post." "To my father's death." "I agreed with every word, so she recommended my release." "So you're a fraud and she's an idiot." "Ever since I quit work, I've been abusive." "I tell people the truth." "Sometimes there's a beer in it for me, sometimes a punch." "Let me tell you what psyched you out, Mussa." "The Jewish cunt." "That Hebraic pussy which awaited you the moment you left your dirt farming village." "You came to tel Aviv, washed some dishes for Leah, hung some sketches on the wall and all of a sudden you were an item, a token Arab." "A few bleeding hearts thought that entrusting their box to your hands might just narrow the divide between our two peoples." "They made you a figurehead, that's why they fucked you but when you wanted more out of it, you found out they draw the line and border at moving in with you, and you knew you'd always be a foreigner between their legs." "Have you lost it completely?" "If I were your psychiatrist, Mussa, I wouldn't let you off until you agreed, in writing, to keep screwing our women, but for vengeance's sake, like an Arab should screw Jews, instead of mixing revenge up with love." "That fucked you up." "You're not my psychiatrist." "I'm released." "And today I'm celebrating." "What'll you have?" "I'm buying." "But you're a Muslim." "Muslims don't drink alcohol." "Mussa, don't Muslims drink alcohol?" "Stutters, you ignorant." "You ignorant!" "What's with you?" "!" "Are you whacked?" "!" "Where are your pants?" "!" "I'll pay..." " On me." " No way." "My folks taught me men always pay their debts to women." "How many drawings have I made for you over the years, eh?" "If I go, there'll be something left behind." "Tzaler." "The nice old man from upstairs." "Among our nation's most venerable caricaturists." "He adorned this place since the day it first opened, it's walls are a testament to the glory days of yore, to an era on the move, little boys who became generals, little girls who penned poetry full of vitriol," "and journalists with a shred of conscience to their names." "Tel Aviv masquerading as a salon in Paris." "Today the cracks tell the tale of the place's decay, like that of the haggard madam, and of the old man who bore witness to her lingering death throes." "And loved her." "You came." " You know I don't have the time." "What is it?" "Follow me." "What's that?" " I'm pregnant." " Since when?" "Three months." "Are you totally mental?" ""Three months"?" "!" "I'm late once in a while, or I skip a month, no big deal." "Two weeks ago, I took the test." "I've been trying to get in touch with you since." "I told you, I had a major production to handle." "Hold on, didn't you say you were safe?" " It's a fluke." "So fix it!" " I'm not going to abort, Ziv." "I'm forty, I've had six abortions, this is my last chance to get pregnant." "And you made this choice all by yourself, just like that?" "It's my decision." " Then why'd you ask me here?" "The choice is made, what am I doing here?" "Just explain what it is I'm doing here, Nurit." " Nothing, when we were together, you said you wouldn't mind a kid." "In midfuck." "You asked me that while we were fucking." "People say things when they fuck." "I answer politely." "So sue me." "Get an abortion, fuckwit." "Ziv, don't talk to me that way." " I don't want a baby, not now and definitely not from you." "I don't expect anything from you." " Then why am I here?" "Why did you call me?" " I was wrong." " And how." "So long as I'm here, let me make this clear." "I'm not giving you anything." "You won't see a cent." "And if you still decide to have this baby," "I'll hate it and you 'till the day I die!" "So you may as well try pot luck at a sperm bank." "Have an abortion!" "Fuck this..." "Just look at her." "The 'dozers will be here tomorrow, and we just sit here like the putzes we are." "He's in the neighborhood, Yutz, I've seen him." "Tell him, tell Shpoon it's final, and he should stop hassling me." "Will you tell him?" "Here he comes!" "I thought I'd have to look you up at the coroner's, Shpoon." "Ever since that guy threatened to jump, you've been gone." "Did he do it?" " No, but nice of you to take an interest." "I'm looking for rice." "A bowl of white rice." "I've been combing half this town for a bowl of white rice." "What, to eat, Shpoon?" " No, to drink." "Where're you going to find rice at this hour?" " Nowhere." "I've been south, I've been north." "At this hour, tel Aviv is a riceless city." "Forget rice for a sec." "Here, have a seat." "Hey, Mussa." "Sorry I didn't drop by Barbie to visit, that place brings up bad memories." "Go on, then, get off that camel and sit down." "We'll make peace, come on." "Has Leah got any rice?" " You've been here twenty years, and still you don't know I haven't got any rice." "I thought you may have made changes." "I have." " We can tell." "That's rice for you." "Well, I guess I'll sit with you for a while." "Afterwards, I've got to get going, though, I..." "I need rice." "Off like a shot, your lover boy." "What happened?" "Did you tell him you were 40?" "Mom, this isn't my day." "I'm warning you." "How much longer are you going to waste on these flings?" "He loves me." " Sure!" " And I love him, all right?" "!" "When will you grow up?" " Well, how could you hope to understand what I'm talking about?" " How could I?" "!" "I spent thirty years with your father." " Right, tell us more about what a weak deadbeat he was, it's been a while." "He was a deadbeat!" " Just listen to yourself." "Isn't that love?" " It's fear of letting go." "Just like you insist on hanging on to this hellhole." "It put clothes on your back and got you through school, this hellhole, and it paid for all your psychologists who never taught you a thing about life!" "Tuchterman offered you 200,000 dollars!" "Why are you bringing up tuchterman?" "!" "You lent Yutz 2,500 shekels." " Nurit, something's cooking." "Tell me what you're baking, and how much will it cost me?" "I won't let you drag me into doing it this way." "Not again." "I used to be in love with her." "With Nurit." "I just got to tel Aviv, right out of the army." "She was gorgeous." "Gorgeous." "Still is." "I wrote her poems." " And... what happened, Shpoon?" "She didn't give a damn." "But when I'm in love, I get possessive." "Nothing else matters, I'm clingy, like a second skin." "It pissed her off." "Women today don't like that sort of thing." "Did they ever?" "Go figure." "Old Spain, when troubadours sang serenades from beneath balconies." "Go figure." " You're sharp today, Shpoon," "You're really focused, you know?" "So, what do you say about what we told you?" "About Leah?" "Tuchterman?" "I say..." "I say you should go kick his ass." "Violence is the recourse of the weak." "Wrong, poet." "It's the last refuge of the helpless." "But what... what do you mean, "you should go"?" "I don't do that sort of thing anymore." "I'm through." "Good kid." "Have a drink, in the meantime." "On us." "Not likely." "I'm through with alcohol, too." "Finito." "I'm healthy, watching my intake." "But party away, Mussa." "I'm with you in spirit, not in bottle." "Cheers, Shpoon!" "Let go of him!" "Are you hurt?" "How do you feel?" "Get lost!" "Go on, scram, Mussa!" "I don't want to see you anymore." "Go away, now." "Leah, Leah..." "Leah..." " What?" "I can't go back..." "I can't go back to the village, Leah." " Why?" "My brothers would kill me, you've got no idea what I've been putting my mother through." "Fine, sit over there, and not a word out of you." "If this happens just one more time... thanks, Nurit." "Are you all right?" " I'm all right." "Your mother's a good woman, Nurit." "A good woman." "This may be the wrong time, considering that you've just been strangled by a Man of Sundered Identity..." "I don't follow, Yutz." " Neither do I. It's like this:" "You've been here close to a year, running low on funds." "You take pictures of us, and more pictures of us, and more." "How come you've never shown us any of them?" "Maybe we'd see what we look like, and change, because, going on today, we're not all that pretty." "I can't, Yutz, I can't." "I told you, it's..." "I'm right in the thick of it, right now." "When there's an exhibit, I..." "I promise, you'll all be invited." "Great." "We'll have to wait for your exhibit, just to mend our ways?" " No, no..." "It's her!" "There she is!" "And she still has the pants!" "There she is!" "That filthy bi... that bi..." " tch." " Yeah!" "The one who took my pants!" "She's wearing them!" "There, there, she stopped, Stutters." "Run, chase her, go!" "I can't run." "I haven't run in twenty years." "Shpoon!" " Forget it, I'm not running anywhere." "Who asked you to run?" "Take Stutters on your motorcycle, and catch up to her..." "I haven't got a helmet, Yutz, you want to get me in trouble with the police?" "Shpoon, please." "Haven't I ever... ever helped you out?" "Tell me, wasn't I there for you, Shpoon?" "Don't grovel, Stutters, it makes my stomach queasy." "She's getting away, Shpoon!" "She's getting away, Shpoon!" "Come on, you degenerate." "I knew I shouldn't have come here." "What are you doing?" "Get your hands off me." "I can't stand it when men touch me." "Fine, let's go, already, we're losing her." "Mommy!" "Move aside!" "Avram, are you all right?" " Mommy?" "You fuckwad, look what you've done." "Instead of shouting at him, get him to a hospital." " What?" "!" "Avram, Shpoon will get you to a hospital, all right?" "Yutz, is that you?" "Is she still there, Yutz?" "Is she still there, with my pants?" "Avram..." " Mommy?" "Careful." "Easy, easy..." "Hug me this time, Stutters." "Hug, hug." "But if you fall off again, I'll leave you there to die." "Watch it." " The pants did their part, and Avram was the first one to make his way towards the hospital, towards the third act." "And the third act is when the pistols go off." "What's this?" " I saw Katz, your accountant, yesterday." "This is a summary of your balance and transactions." "You made a withdrawal out of your pension plan just to pay off debts." "You went to Katz to look into my accounts?" "He asked me over, because he's worried about you." "Then he's no longer my accountant." " Listen to me!" "Tuchterman gave you a lucrative offer." "Take it!" "Get those doodles off the wall, take them home and end your life with dignity." " You call that dignity?" "!" "Letting someone wreck what your father and I built?" "Enough with "your father and I"!" "Dad hated this place, and so did I." "All day long we'd sit at home and wait for you, me and your deadbeat, but you were always here, because this place was all that mattered." "I see." "You went to see Katz yesterday, and now you're worried about your inheritance?" " You old witch." "And you're a shriveled old spinster, that's what you are." "Until you have a child of your own, you won't know what it's like to care about someone, to fight for them." "How could you understand, princess?" "You had a Polish dad who spoiled you rotten." "Because of what just happened outside?" "Tuchterman?" "I'm a miserable excuse for a mother," "I'm a miserable excuse for a mother, Yutz." "Tell me, did we really have nothing?" "Nothing?" "Everything we used to have here, nothing?" "You should know, you've been here thirty years." "Was it all really nothing?" "The sound of your voice." "I ache." "If we weren't both so old, I'd want you to have my baby." "Just you." " Well, really..." " Palestine's brooding queen." "Get me a beer, you Philistine." "The arrow unerringly found my heart." "This place, once a home, was now but a shelter." "And everyone needs a shelter, particularly the homeless." "God damn it, what do we do?" "I'm pregnant, Shekel." "Kids are a good thing." "God loves the children." "Got a shekel?" "I wrote a song, Belgian." " Will you read it to me?" "Only if it comes back." ""With the voice of a thousand ancient whores" ""and a swollen vagina awaiting her sailor," ""His mast docking in her with the love he forsook," ""For an instant of love at her shores, Hebraic queen of the brothel." ""I've been watching you from babe to old man," ""you asked for an answer, I'll reply if I can" ""So Once upon a time you were here, you've been here since time can recall," ""you owned a cafe, on a street with no name," ""you've always been here, Donna Braun."" ""To whom it may concern, I, Franz tzaler," ""hereby bequeath the entirety of my assets and estates" ""to Leah Braun, of Braun's Cafe," ""and instruct that the income from the sale of my house to" ""tuchterman, attorney at law, be transferred to her," ""to aid in her struggle against his closing the cafe." ""This will annuls any prior such document written by me." ""Signed, Franz tzaler." "ID: 632457."" "God is a whore." "Mommy!" "Shut up!" "Mussa, come sit with us, the Belgian forgives you." "So I'm the one who should be forgiven?" " You shouldn't choke even if I did something wrong, you shouldn't choke." "You could have landed me back in the asylum." "Whatever, enough of that." "He's new here, he doesn't know the ropes yet." "You were out of line, too." "Come on, make peace." "Go on!" "Get up, both of you." "Belgian, get up." "Up!" "No, don't take my picture." " But we're making peace." "Please, don't take my picture." " It's for the exhibit." "Feel like saying anything yet, buddy?" "Have it your way." "Leah, thanks for calling." "We should call an ambulance." " No need, we'll get him there." "Come on." " Thanks." "Hold on, hold on, hold on, let me help you." "Like so..." "Jacob, there's no film in the camera." "It's all right." "That's that." "The Belgian and Mussa went off to hospital." "As far as I was concerned, I was out of the game." "I considered downing another beer, saying goodbye to Leah and getting on the roof in time for my cafe's funeral." "Dad." " Ellushka, I didn't see you." "I was..." "Why no kiss?" "Mom sent me." "She asks what happened to the 1,500 you owe her." "End of the month." "Tell her." "You go home and tell her, then, not my fucking problem, not getting my cunt into it." "Ella, don't talk to me that way." " Go tell her, then." "I got a repossession notice this morning." "It's been chaos here all day, and I'm pissed off." "Your mother and you should know better than to see me when I'm... defunct like this." " What do I tell her, then?" "I've got an idea." "Tell her this:" "I'm on my roof, naked, with two young female students in wet t-shirts." "I'm reading them Yona Volach poems while they spray me with a fire hose." "But I don't touch them, disciplined tutor that I am." "When the lesson's over, I'll come by with the money." "At the end of the month." "I slept with the chief Rabbi's son." " Really?" " Your story's better." "Way more absurd, the thought of two young girls agreeing to spray anything your way, you old fossil!" "Don't talk to me like that, you hear me?" "!" "Fuck off!" "What's your problem?" "!" "I'm warning you, don't talk that way to me!" "Yutz, enough!" " Nurit, it's my daughter, and I'll talk to her however I damn well please." "You're drunk, go away." " Ella will explain everything." ""Ella wakes from naps she takes, Ella sleeps 'till morning breaks," ""Dad just farted, and that got, Ella to laugh quite a lot."" "I'm not laughing, dad." "Grow up!" "Come on Ella, go home." "Dad's not feeling well." "Lashing out at people, saying what's on your mind, that's one thing." "But when your daughter lashes out, and with a poem you wrote for her, that's when you have to strike back against fate." ""Tuchterman  tuchterman, attorneys at law"" "I don't give a shit about your repossession notice, you won't get a dime out of me, just lay off Leah." "Not only are you guilty of breaking and entering and trespassing, you also spit one me and stink up my office with liquor?" "Lay off Leah, got that?" " And why would I, precisely?" "Because I say so!" " I don't give a shit about you!" "I'm not leaving here until you call off your bulldozers." "I'll call the cops to show you out." "Call mommy, call daddy, call God, for all I care." "You see me?" "Here I am, and here's your desk." "The two of us are now inseparable." "Watch out, jackass!" "I'll let you use my phone to call for an ambulance." "When I get back, I don't want to see your face here, understood?" "Laugh all you want, but fate has it's own sense of humor." ""Fate's Whimsy", it's called." "And fate never favors the simple solution." "It delights in confounding and controlling us, the jerk." "In what remains of our story, it has but one seed to sow, that we might reap success and save our cafe." "Are you a painter?" "Could you paint me?" "They once painted this nice painting of me, but I lost it." "Maybe I didn't." "Maybe I gave it away and think I lost it." "A painter painted me." "Nude." "He called me a model." "Maybe God took the painting away, because it's lewd, with my bluebird out, like Leah says." "She's a good woman." "God loves her." "Listen... take this, step into Braun's place, give it to Nurit." "Nurit..." " You know her?" " No." "God loves her." "Good for her." "Give this to her, come back here, and I'll give you a shekel." "Lots of shekels." "God bless you, Doc." "At this stage, I was on route to the hospital, as well, on my way to the big encounter." "You've got a serious fracture there, in your shin." "The pain's killing me..." " He won't be able to use this leg for a long while." "Half a year, at least, before your friend can ride with you." "He's not my friend." "Shpoon, aren't we friends?" "Shpoon?" " We are, Stutters." "Look... - then why did you..." " Shut up!" " But yo..." " Shut up!" "I left home with a purpose." "I knew exactly what I wanted." "Rice." "That's it." "Then I met you guys, and I knew I shouldn't stop, but you convinced me." "It's been a mess ever since." "All day long I've driven you around, bike to wheelchair, it's nearly evening, and I still haven't eaten, Stutters." "And that's not good for me." "All this anxiety, the hunger, is very bad for my stomach." "And my soul." "Know what, Shpoon?" "You r..." "really have changed..." "It all comes down to the stomach, Stutters." "All about the stomach." "Calm it down... and there's quiet." "And her?" "Did you handle your problem with her?" ""Doubtful you know me" ""as I truly am," ""doubtful you love me" ""as you truly say..." ""Doubt..."" "She touched God." "That's how she put it, Stutters." "That night, on stage, she saw God." "I thought it was a spotlight..." "But if she says so, I believe her." "Now she won't sing anymore, because she heard her God doesn't like women singing for men." "It's a shame." "I don't remember ever falling for someone like that." "Except my mother, maybe." "This talk isn't good for me." "I need rice." "I need a bowl of rice." "You know what?" "I thought of this earlier..." "Good thing the pants weren't on me." "Let's say I'd have fallen off your bike like that, with them on..." " What gives?" "We were after the pants." "Yeah, but... theoretically, anything could happen." "I found that out long ago, anything can happen." "Theoretically..." " I'd have fallen and broken my leg, and they'd have to put it in a cast." "What'd happen?" "What'd happen?" " They'd cut the pants open." "With scissors, the whole pants leg, they'd ruin it." "I co... couldn't stand it." " They could open the seam." "Greek pants, Shpoon." "Them Greeks really know their workmanship." "Excuse me..." "Look up, look down..." "Are you sure you won't file a complaint against that Arab?" "You're a Jew." "Think about it." " Look right." "It's O.K. No need." " Your eye, your life." "Look at me... that's it." "Looks like it's all out." "You're very lucky, all those shards of glass could have scratched your cornea off." "But there you have it." "I guess we can seal it up now." "Tell me, do you have to take pictures while I work?" "Sorry." "I have to take pictures, period." "I ran away from home for it." "Here, look, this is a picture of me, from back there." "You sure?" " Why, what's wrong?" " It doesn't look like you." "Right, that's the Lubavitcher Rabbi." "There you go." "I'm the little one." "They didn't understand me, the family." "I never got along." "Not in Belgium or Israel." "People..." "I annoy them." "Too many questions, not enough answers." "Life's a mess." "I don't understand it." "Take your picture, I've got to seal your eye up afterwards." "He won't press charges." "The immigrant, he won't press charges." "Here's what we do, we take him aside, wail on him a bit, then we'll see..." "I've got a game to catch on t." "V..." "Law firms, they're open to the public, right?" " So...?" "It's a public place." " So...?" "So what's with the fan on such a low ceiling, when there's a chance someone might get hurt?" "I'll be damned, your laughter is like the cantors bell, calling for prayer in the days of repentance." "I know that line. "Her laugh is like the cantors bell," ""calling for prayer in the days of repentance." ""And verdant Mons Venus unfeasible to saint and sinner alike," ""and I, her creator, already detesting the droves to come" ""of wooers and lovers."" "Something like that." "I read a bit of poetry when I was 16." "I kinda liked your book." " Have my baby, then." "You're hand is slipping, Poet..." "My only daughter, for whom I happened to write that line," "Scorns my talent, scorns the torpor of my talent and is deeply scornful of my love." "I'm so ancient." "Isn't it too cruel a way to die?" "Hey, I'm not sixteen anymore," "I haven't got time for poetry." "You think that's poetry?" " More or less." "Then you don't have to have my baby," "I can die right now." " Quit putting on airs." "Yutz!" " Stutters!" " Mussa!" " You Belgian!" "It wasn't right, I just wanted to take a picture..." "Sometimes, what seems like an impossible encounter, random, wholly arbitrary, may, in retrospect, turn out to be the clockwork of fate." "Have you all lost it?" "!" "Pedants refer to it as serendipity, when fate takes the fore, becomes virtuoso and king in one, and all it's machinations merge in one point of time, compelling people to take responsibility, to take charge of fate." "Because fate is tired, it needs a rest." "It's labored over some nations for over 2,000 years, and still hasn't got the job done." "Then again, I may just be bullshitting you." "What's relevant to the story is that we met." "Ease off the words, Yutz, I've got to have a drink." "Shut up and listen to what I'm telling you, lummox." "Tuchterman the son of a bitch is going to wreck Braun's, unless we do something." "You won't have anywhere left to put drinks on your tabs, and you won't have anywhere to strangle people." " What about you?" "Thirty years, you've been clinging to her like a tick." " Precisely." "That's why I went over to tuchterman and threatened him." "It didn't work, I'm no good at it." "We've got to think this through." "What do we do?" "I say we go back to tuchterman I say we beat him to a pulp," "I'll pound his head into the wall, vent all those nerves this day set off in my stomach." "Let's roll..." " G... giddy up!" "Nurit, 205,000 dollars really isn't all that much money." "What I thougt is:" "You take this place, you haven't got a job, anyway, and I'm already..." "I guess I really am too tired, past my stride." "You can make this place as good as new, using modern methods." " I'm not having a baby in any cafe." "What baby?" "I'm pregnant." " Again?" " Only I may see this one through." "Really?" ""Tuchterman  tuchterman, attorneys at law"" "tuchterman, open up!" "Tuchterman!" "Patience..." "I hear that music again..." "What do you wanna do?" "Dance?" "We've knocked for 15 minutes, he won't answer or open up." " I'm telling you, the bastard heard us and won't let us in." "Stop standing around like houseplants, help me up!" "Cut it out, Yutz." "Enough, already." " Shpoon," "Shut your trap and think of Leah." "Give me a boost." ""..." "Cossack horsemen, galloping to war..."" "Oh, dear." "Oh, dear me." "What is it?" " I can't tell you, Mussa." " Yutz, what's up?" "Shekel and tuchterman, in a primeval pagan ritual." "What, what's a p..." " Screwing one another?" "Worse, Shpoon." "Much, much worse." "Yutz, get the Belgian up, to take their picture." " Nice..." "What?" " You wanted to be a photographer, go be one." "No, no, no, it's illegal." " In Belgium, not the east." "Say "ride you whore"-give me A shekel. "ride you whore"!" "All right, I got it." "Let's run." " Wait..." "Who was that?" "Who's there?" "Someone took our picture." "That was a camera flash." "Please leave, please leave now." "God loves you." "God loves us all." "That's that, Leah." "The Belgian got it all." "You got the picture, Jacob?" "Did you tell tuchterman?" "What a bunch of morons." "Tuchterma, it's Nurit." "Leah's daughter." "Just a while ago you were caught posing, right?" "Oh, it's quite simple." "The photos will go to your father, then spread all over town." "I'll hand over the negatives." "Bye." "You'll be fine, you old harpy." " You promised the negatives?" "Well, why are you all standing around?" "What do you want?" "Zachlawi." " Nurit, there's a sack of rice in storage." "Rice in Braun?" " Seven years ago, I tried to make you all some chicken soup with rice." "It never caught on." "But Leah, it's seven year old rice." " Long shelf life." "That's another virtue of rice, Mussa." " Right." "Go get the rice, already." "What about you, poet?" "You can't hate anyone, Leah." "It's a problem," "You can't hate anyone." "I ache." "Beer, you Canaanite cow!" "We've got to celebrate." "Well Braun?" "You got what you wanted." "As usual." "I didn't get anything." " What?" "You handled tuchterman well." "You're a true Braun." "Had Stutters' pants not been stolen, had Shpoon not come by and laid him out, had Mussa not decked the Belgian, had I not gotten that fan to the head, we wouldn't have met at that hospital and saved our cafe." "Life had no plan yesterday, but fate did, and it beat like clockwork." "That sort of gives you hope." "Maybe things really can get better." "Soon, I'll pop by Leah's to see tuchterman recall the 'dozers, in exchange for the Belgian's negatives." "Things will be all right." "Yesterday was all right," "I suppose tomorrow will be all right... right?" "Anyone want to buy a balloon?" "Stutters, aren't those your pants?" ""Cafe tales"" "Starring:" "Moshe Ivgy, Elisheva Michaeli," "Arie Moskona, tsahi Grad, tsipor Aisen-Lior" "Sharon Reginiano, Gonny Arbid Yossi toledo" "Written and Directed by:" "Amit Leor" "Producer:" "Mosh Danon" "Devlopment:" "Yoram Mandel, Mirit toovi" "Director of Photography:" "Giora Bejach" "Editor:" "Arik Lahav-Leibovitz" "Music:" "Uri Ophir" "Produced by:" "JCS Productions"