"MYSTERY OF THE WIG" "One of life's mysteries is how we can still desire someone after so many years." "Condoms aren't for dogs!" " Whatcha doing here?" " Surprise!" " Get out!" " It's only a dream!" "In fact, you're making the most of it with your extensions!" "And your place is spotless!" "That's what's good about dreams." "Everything's so glittery!" "I wanna dream I'm screwing without you peeping on us." "It's not me!" "Ask your subconscious!" "Know what my subconscious says?" "If I don't make noise, I'm sure it'd excite you if I peeped..." "JP!" "Do you think you'll ever have that child?" "Well, since I don't really like the idea of bearing a child, maybe..." "What if we reversed the roles?" "What is it?" "Dunno if it'll pose a problem, but congrats anyway!" "Triplets!" "More mysterious than desire are all those crazy dreams one has at night." "What could be behind such a twisted dream?" "Do you have any idea?" "Are you implying you'd make a good ob-gyn for men?" "I forgot:" "I have to be serious." "As for the dream, it's larger than life." "Am I supposed to talk about my penis fixation?" "You may speak about anything." "Well, before things got out of hand..." "I had enough." "I remember watching to see how it worked." "There's no need to tell you how big it got..." "Anyway, I think I'll stop there." "We must analyze the free association of ideas." "I think about my mother." "Why?" "Is it because of all the hair in my dream?" "Yesterday, I went shopping for a wig with her." "Hello, I arranged to meet my mother here, but I'm really late." "Hi, hun!" "Mom?" "What are you doing with that on your head?" " You thinking of buying it?" " Why not?" "Because my mom is intelligent, not a bimbo!" "But we are women." "We hide behind appearances." "Now I understood why I was so wild and laid-back, with the need to laugh and make people laugh." "I didn't know how to thank my mother for such a gift." "My dear mother..." "I ran my fingers through her hair, knowing it would soon fall out." "I'm used to telling silly stories." "If we keep going, I'll end up talking nonsense!" "It's been like that from the outset." "Didn't you come here for a specific reason?" "It happened the day I got back from the country." "I was feeling really down..." "I had to face my man." "But I also found a way of putting off my fate." "What are you doing here?" "Passing by my temporary pad, on my way to my real pad." "You with that Pascal?" " Yes." " I thought it was over." "I'll take a shower, get changed and leave you be." "You don't have to brutalize me for interrupting your coitus!" "Let me go!" "Gilles wasn't home." "When he did arrive," "I had the courage to get to the heart of the matter." "You got a new jacket?" "Yeah." "I was getting sick of my old stuff." "I'll go with you next time." "It's a little tacky." "Is that all you have to say?" "I let him know that I was aware of what I'd done, without making excuses." "With Mom's cancer, I'm not my normal self." "OK, I was silly, as usual." "I'm always the one screwing up!" "Having a kid freaks me out, OK?" "Why should I be the only one to blame?" "And why'd ya want a kid with me?" "All women my age are at odds with their biological clocks." "But you choose me, the one who's scared of getting pregnant!" "Things've been good between us." "There's no need to ruin it." "Sorry, hun." "I shouldn't be putting you through all this." "I don't feel right..." "I would've preferred a slap, as gentleness and sorrow felt worse." "The problem wasn't fixed though, but at least he wasn't asking me to leave." "A while later, I even felt there was hope in sight." "Stop..." "Don't pull the headache excuse on me." "It doesn't work for men." "Well, there's something women still don't get about men." "You should all be in the army." "I don't get it." "You'd stand to attention without wanting to serve." "You said you don't feel right." "Well, if you don't do something, things won't work out." "Sounds like sexual blackmail to me." "To be honest, I'm here because I wanna make love to my man again." "So you're here to yield to blackmail?" "I almost didn't come." "I had another plan..." "The next morning, I knew Gilles had to see his shrink." "He'd returned since the fake baby affair." "So I followed him." "I passed Pascal, who'd had a fling with JP, but I didn't even see him." "I was focused on following Gilles to his shrink." "What did you want to do?" "I would've asked her what Gilles was telling her and concealing from me." "Do you think she would've accepted?" "Women can be very supportive of one another." "Tell me what my man's got on his mind, you bitch!" "I realized I was going nuts, so I went to work." "I decided on my way to work." " JP, I'm gonna see a shrink." " I'll call you right back, OK?" "I'm gonna fight to save my relationship." "Can you tell me how you came to confront your neurotic self?" "I find it challenging." "We're in the dumps." "Like your folks, we don't even have sex." "Please leave my folks out of this." "Know what would be good for me?" "A night on the town with you..." "I have statements to work on." "When I become a nice, normal and annoying girl again, then you can turn me down." "But not now!" "Did you make an appointment?" "No, but my mother knows shrinks who knew me as a child." "Get someone who doesn't know your mom." "I'll ask my cousin, Stéphanie." "She's in therapy and it's going well." "She has a knitting blog, her mother got her a condo, and her shrink buys her chocolate at Christmas!" "If you go for an evaluation, do it with a shrink who's neutral and to the point." "Who'll make you see the real you." "Who'll refer me?" "It's easy to spot those who benefit from shrink's advice." "They are strong, determined and eager to move on." "Don't you know such a monster?" "Don't you know such a monster?" "Yes, Clara." "Do you know any shrinks?" "Why me?" "I dunno." "Since we know each other better and I like you..." "I'm seeing mine tonight." "I'll ask him for a referral." "Thanks." "There." "The first time, I came here for help to save my relationship and my sex life..." "It's wiser than following him and asking his shrink." "Maybe it was more important for you to ask yourself." "Exactly." "I still don't get that dream..." "Since your return from that weekend trip, hasn't your situation evolved?" "How did you know?" "I was just asking a question." "It's all thanks to you." "These sessions are expensive, but worthwhile." "Yet, when I got home, I wasn't convinced." "That night, Gilles wasn't feeling as down." "You're home late." "I was at the shrink." "Maybe I'm some nut always putting on a show, but I love you..." "more than anything." "More than all my problems." "I wanna make it work between us." "I'd already seen him excited, but that night..." "After several weeks of abstinence, even I..." "How could I forget?" "Wait..." "I can't take chances with you." "I'm not even sure I want a kid, so I'm acting responsibly." " But if you don't agree..." " It's OK." "There are moments when we can cry for nothing, like when watching a movie or chopping onions." "I've already cried in ecstasy when making love to Gilles." "But this time I was crying because" "I think it was the first time he was hurting me so much." "Think it's a coincidence you keep dreaming about condoms?" "But why is JP holding them?" "You've often said that JP is an important part of your life and love life." "JP and I are like twins." "Gilles managed to fit in between us." "As if you were triplets?" "You got me there." "But that doesn't explain why I'm the one who gets him pregnant." "You explained it yourself:" "because you're scared." "Where does the fear of getting pregnant come from?" "Think it's amusing carrying an alien like a whale in heat and giving birth with your legs in the air?" "That's nonsense." "For some women, giving birth is wonderful." "Others see it as the goriest moment in a woman's life." "You could also adopt." "I don't like anything about having a child." "Especially the life-long commitment, worrying about a kid turning out worse than me:" "still not an adult at 30." "Don't you consider yourself an adult?" "Isn't the answer in the question?" "What stops you from becoming an adult?" "Not having a child." "Are you scared of having a child or no longer being one?" "That's all for today." "Are you OK?" "What can I tell you?" "That you don't have cancer." "That it was a pretext for a boob job" "Alexandre asked you to have." "Anyway, I'm happy you chose the wig with me." "Since you weren't clear whether you were coming with Gilles," "I called him myself and invited him." "Great!" "My mother's interfering in my private life!" "Did he tell you how bad things are between us?" "He said he'd love to come." "I just wanted you to know." "Finally!" "What's your excuse this time?" " A good excuse!" " That'd be a first!" "I was at my shrink." "I'm undergoing treatment." "Wow!" "Making progress?" "Oh, yeah!" "After finding out I was jealous of your penis without reason..." "Right, Sophie?" "...and that I always wanted to castrate you," "I realized I'd fallen in love with my mother." "I seduced one of her flames so I could feel I was sleeping with her." "Since Dad's gone, I took over." "It's only normal!" "You're doing well, Clara." "So are we all!" "To life without problems!" "They say you can read someone's mind, drinking from their glass." "Sometimes, we wish it were true." "Dunno what she was trying to say by switching glasses, but one thing was for sure:" "she was sending a message." "The way she looked at me reminded me of Lt. Columbo." ""Lt. Columbo?"" "Columbo was my favorite series as a child." "I liked his Peugeot." "I actually bought one when I found out Clara was pregnant." "She totaled it in an accident." "Symbolic of how she mucked up our relationship!" "At dinner, she looked at me the way Columbo looks at a suspect:" "he only needs his instinct to know who's guilty." "What do you feel guilty of?" " Sleeping with my girl's friend." " That's all?" "Isn't that enough?" "Actually, it's not what happened with JP that bothers me most." " What do we do now?" " How do I know?" "Don't go down and see her now." "I'm in no state to see her." "Oh, shit!" "What?" "I left my jacket downstairs!" "If I go down, I'll have to explain why I'm not wearing one!" "I knew something'd go wrong!" "I could go buy you a jacket." " Tell her you went shopping." " I see why you two get along." " You're pros at lying." " I don't enjoy it." "You're right." "I'm going shopping." " You'll catch a cold!" " I don't care!" "I need some air." "Careful." "She checks the peephole to see who's coming down." " Playing janitor." " Think I don't know her?" "What got to me was my doing what I'd criticized Clara for." "My parents'd done it all their lives." "You got a new jacket?" "I was getting sick of my old stuff." "Now, I had to start lying." "Maybe we should tell her." "How?" "I was gonna ask you." "Well, to sugar the pill, we have to use all means." "We find a theater and 50 dancers with feathers, then on stage, wearing top hats and tail coats, we'll sing: "We just wanted to tell you we slept together."" "I'm serious." "So am I." "Maybe we'll forget it all happened." " I have every reason not to." " Well..." "Me too." "I'll never forget." "Do we have to do this over the phone?" " I've decided to see a shrink!" " I'll call you back, OK?" "It was he who came to see me the following week, just before Clara told me she'd started her treatment." "Hello..." "Clara just finished work." "She'll be home soon." "Yeah but if you freak, it'll be obvious." "Normally, you'd let me in, right?" "Yes..." "It's cool." "I'm your buddy who's come for a drink." "Chilling out, a macho conversation..." "So I sodomized you last week." "What difference does it make?" "It could happen to anyone!" "You twit!" "When you can laugh it off, things don't seem as tragic!" "I don't get what happened the other night." ""The other night?" Oh, yes!" "Things sucked, so we came full circle." "Men having lady problems should sleep with a fag." "It would make a lot of people happy!" "So..." "What about Clara?" "Is it right to hurt her so we can feel better?" "This souvenir is our secret," " even if it's troubling for you." " It's the lie that's troubling." "But maybe you're right." "We don't have to tell Clara." "Thanks for coming." "I'm glad to see you." "You're welcome." "Better be careful." "We're buddies." "Don't forget." "An hour later, Clara arrived and I put my plan into action." "It was horrible for both of us, but it was hurting her even more." "But she drove me to do it." "I also wanted her so much." "What made you want her?" "I already told you." "Finding out she'd started treatment and was willing to fight for us." "Knowing she'd started treatment restored your appetite?" "I don't know how things changed so abruptly." "Hadn't you just seen your neighbor?" "There's something I didn't tell you." "It was the night before supper at Clara's mom." "I was alone, as Clara had gone to choose a wig with her mom." "She called to tell me she was going to the opera and would be home late." "How's it going with your mom?" "I know." "As you wish." "Enjoy the opera and give your mother a hug for me." "What is it?" "I know it's no time to vacuum." "It's pre-50 compulsive cleaning." "I'm only wearing casual clothes, but..." "I don't have any left." "In my pants." "So..." "I'm living with a girl, craving sex with a guy." "Is it because of the baby we didn't have?" "If I really wanted a baby, why did I choose the least suited woman?" "You chose her?" "At 17, I got a girl pregnant and she had an abortion." "15 years later, the same has happened." "A coincidence?" "A relationship isn't based on just one element." "I don't know what to think..." "Alright." "The first time we had sex, I thought it was an accident." "Yesterday, he even had condoms on him." "What's he looking for?" "Do you get it?" "Do you get it?" "Let me explain." "Your friend, Clara, is egotistical." "She lies, she fights, she's restless..." "And she attacks." "So in reality, she's a guy." "And your Gilles is gentle and brave." "He longs to become attached and set up a family." "There's a hole in his life and he needs to fulfill himself:" "either with a child, or with someone he loves deeply." "So he's a girl." "What am I?" "You're a lesbian!" "You're nuts!" "Isn't it easier to understand?" "You, the lesbian, are in love with Gilles, who is very miserable with her husband, your friend, Clara." "And since Gilles is a tad bi, you have to convince her that it's you she loves and that you can give her the love that she needs." "Hold on." "So I have to steal his girl I mean, Clara's guy?" "She's been with him for 3 years and what's she done?" "Mucked up." "Time to make your move!" "What's up?" "We can't see each other." "Didn't I hear that once before?" "That'll teach me for going after cute men with lady problems." "I'm having an identity crisis." "I don't know if I'm gay, bi..." "You can cross "100% straight" off the list." "Who cares if you're gay or bi?" "For me, you're Gilles:" "the guy who stopped me from opening my heart to any other." "My heart is open and I don't wanna close it." "I was miserable all those years." "I have nothing left to lose." "This is a dream come true!" "So take what you want:" "love, friendship, a periodic screw, anything even to help you feel better with Clara!" "All this is a miracle." "I'm learning how to give without losing my head." "Even if I suffer, I don't care." "I feel so alive!" "You've changed." "So have I." "I acted like a liberal guy." "Now I realize that I'm just like the others:" "a mediocre guy who sweet-talks his girl." "Let me help." "Should I tell her the truth?" "The truth..." "The most elusive thing in my life right now." " I don't know what to do." " Wait." "I'll tell her tonight." "Could be quite a night." "Just like the good old days." "So fasten your seatbelt for her." "You'd do it?" "I need a change in my life, Gilles." "And I'm ready." "It's packed." "Wow!" "What a surprise!" "It's been ages!" "Since the triplets, we've been busy with the bottles and diapers." "But tonight the couple reunites!" "Without a reservation, it may be hard." "Let me check." "Still have a big crush on him?" "No." "Last time we were here," "I got to know him better when you left me to meet Gilles." "Are you turning into a little slut?" "Going on a world tour?" "Who else have you screwed in the area?" "What is it?" "You're getting me worried." "I'm afraid we're full." "They reserved." "You could share a table if you want." "I'd like to avoid that, if at all possible." " But Jeanne..." " I don't wanna know." "Me neither." "I understand why." "Good night." " She'll be needing you soon." " She went too far, JP." "She shouldn't have attacked Jeanne and meddled in our lives." " Follow me, please." " Good night." "Don't worry, they'll get over it." "With straight people, there's one thing you don't do." "You'd be better off killing their parents than criticizing how they bring up their children." "I used to live in a problem-free and disease-free world." "No." "You refused to admit they existed." "I'm screwing everything up across the board." "Jeanne and David aren't even the worst." "Gilles and I started to have sex again, but things aren't better." "Oh, yeah?" "The sex life is back on track, then?" "Not quite." "We did it once, and that's a miracle." "Everything's crashing down around me." "Mom's getting operated on Friday morning." "I'd like to get plastered with you and Gilles tomorrow." "Are you free in the evening?" "I won't drink." "I have to present the budget after." "I've got no firm foundation to lean on." "No solid rock." "Except you." "I felt like a spineless coward!" "You only noticed that now?" "You need to tell her you're sleeping with her man." "Why should I listen to you?" "You're not my shrink." "And you're no model of a successful love life." "Look!" "Oscar Wilde died in that hotel." "I feel as ugly as him, but without his genius." "And you're right." "I'll end up like Wilde: alone." "Stop that!" "It's crummy sentimentalism." "What?" " Next you'll give me a blow job." " In your dreams." "You're not alone." "My mom's crazy about you, and so am I." "Little idiot!" "You're the reason I'm bungling the failure of a lifetime." "What you just said was very Wildean." "Since the start, there have been three characters in your play." "You thought it was a light comedy, but three is the tragic number." "You're standing between a man and woman in pain." "You mean a man-woman and a..." "I'm explaining something important here!" "Today, only you know what you want:" "Gilles." "So you have to play the bastard." "You have to sever the ties of your trio." "Or none of you will ever be happy." "I was terrified of spending the evening with Clara and Gilles." "I wondered how we'd manage to pretend nothing had happened." "Maybe the good times we had together two years ago helped us feel carefree." "Thankfully, complicated human relationships can be carefree." "That night, I realized the futility of resisting." "A person you've loved can read your mind, whatever you do." "Just when I was feeling light for the first time in ages, this damned thing started again." "I told them I had had too much to drink." "I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for 15 minutes." "It's the second time this happens." "The first was the night I went to the opera with my mom, after leaving the wig store, but before I had the dream." "You mentioned this dream before, but not the meltdown." "No, I didn't feel like it." "I thought the dream was funnier." "Only painful things interest you, don't they?" "It probably started when I was helping my mother choose a wig." "We'll see each other tomorrow with the whole family, so maybe it's not worth taking me to the opera." "It'll bore you." "What if I want to be bored with you?" "Wouldn't it be better for you to be with Gilles?" "We need some space right now." " Here we are!" " Are you sure?" " Yes, it's me." " How's it going?" "Better than I expected." "We're having a blast." " She's so strong." " I know." "Don't wait up for me, I'll be home late." "I was dying to hear him say, "I need you, come home now."" "Instead he said:" "As you wish." "Have fun, and say hi to your mom for me." "Of course, I was thinking only of Gilles throughout the opera." "Suddenly, the music and words pierced through me, and that's when it started." "I don't know what came over me." "I knew something was happening, but what?" "I wanted only to run to Gilles and throw myself into his arms." "I didn't do it." "Not because of Mom." "Because I felt it would be useless." "It would be... too late." "Any idea why you got upset yesterday?" "I think it was like the night at the opera." "I must've thought it was too late." "Did anything in particular made you think that?" "No, everything was fine." "We were dancing." "But something was missing." "What's strange is that Gilles and JP didn't look at each other." "I know when JP's hiding something." "I felt it when I saw him with Pascal after my trip." "But if Pascal had been with JP the night before, why did I see him come in with Denis the next day?" "His bag was too big for just one night away." "Then there's Gilles." "He never goes anywhere without his bike." "So what was he doing without his helmet?" "And that awful new jacket!" "Would he go shopping after a huge fight with his girl?" "Does JP know that Gilles and I are like Jeanne and David?" "Is he afraid of telling me that Gilles is seeing someone?" "When I came back from the opera, Gilles was asleep." "He had showered and smelled like soap." "But he didn't move." "He had taken sleeping pills." "When I finally fell asleep, I had that crazy dream that began with me coming home, except that Gilles woke up and made love to me, and JP brought us condoms." "The condoms!" "There were two on the table." "One was missing." "What does that mean?" "You're the only person who can figure out your dream." "But you may not want to." "...for the summer are much lower than the spring figures." "Vacationers are only interested in one topic: sex." "Actually, the downward trend in sales..." "Clara, we're discussing the budget here." "So..." "The downward trend makes it necessary to examine the editorial figures." "On that point, we notice..." "Excuse me." "Sorry about that." "Health problems in Clara's family." "Are you nuts?" "What's come over you?" "Don't tell me it's your mom." "When what's shrouding a lie is as thin as a soap bubble, a few words are enough to burst it." "JP, are you sleeping with Gilles?" "Yes." "Translation:" "TV5 Québec Canada"