" Richard Nixon High wasn't the worst place to spend four years." "Well for the most part." "By and large, it was your average suburban high school full of self-segregated cliques and stereotypical angst and at the top of the food chain, the rich and beautiful." "That's us." "There's me, Mindy Lipschitz." "The assault victim." "And the girl with the Home Alone look on her face." " That's Jodi, my best friend." "We've been best friends since third grade." "I'm the one with the unfortunate eye patch." "As you can see, my school kind of sucked for us and so did Jodi's aim." " Zombie fascist!" " Intended target, Whitney Bennett, voted most likely to be charged with war crimes." "She was 5'7" of sculpted, flawless, sociopath." "Actual target." " Son of a..." " Principal Whitmore, tormenting students since 1979." " So sorry!" " And that's how this whole thing started, the rock that launched a revolution." " X-Files is on tonight." " Can't, I have homework." " What the F?" "We get detention and Whitney does a hair flip and gets off Scot-free." " Well if it makes you feel any better, in at least one of the infinite multiverses, she doesn't." "Hey, I know it seems like high school is the center of this universe right now." " Do not say it gets better." "Next year you'll be in Nerdvana at MIT and I'll still be here serving quadruple bypass burgers at TGI Fridays." " Or you could be serving an entirely new and decidedly classier set in Boston when you come to live with me." " Great." "So in every multiverse you know of," "I'm still waiting tables." "That's awesome." " I gotta go." "I've got family jazzercise at five." "It's gonna get physical!" " Good luck with that jazzercising!" " I am in control!" " Weirdo!" " Maniac!" " Hey Dad!" " Hey hon." "Mm mmm something smells scrum-diddly-icious." "How was school?" "Legalized torture paid for by the American taxpayer." " Did you make the appointment with the college counselor?" "Jodi, you're graduating this year." "I think it's time you figured out where you're headed." " Most likely into a menial job that doesn't pay a living wage so I can become a cog in the 21st century's version of serfdom." " When did you start speaking like Trotsky?" "Look, I just want you to be happy." "I want you to find something that you love." "Follow your dreams." " So single 40-something postal carrier with a PEZ collection" " Hey, this PEZ collection is gonna be valuable one day and single and widow are two completely different things." " I know." "Dad, I mean it's been five years." "You know, you're not getting any younger." " Age is just a number." " That closely correlates with death." " You want me to start dating?" " I just want you to find something you love, Herb." "Follow your dreams." " I'll find a date if you find a direction." " One of those things is a lot easier than the other." " It's not finding a date..." " And it's not finding a direction." "All right, so here's a new song." "I hope you enjoy it and by you, I mean me because I would rather admit that Taylor Swift's music has touched my cold, dark heart than show it to anybody." "It's called Suburbageddon." " Bernoulli's theorem will be on test next week." "Uh hey Mindy, could you uh stick around for a nanosecond?" " Oh did my spectrofloatometer malfunction." "I knew I should have gotten..." " Hey, slow down, Sonic." "I spoke with my old roommate who is on the alumni board at MIT and she agreed to set up a special interview for you." " Are you serious?" " As a radiation leak." " Oh my god, this is perfect." "Okay, next step is the interview, then get in obviously, get first pick for all my classes, graduate with honors and then it will set me up for one of the more prestigious graduate programs." " Mindy, one step at a time." "College is about more than just classes and grades." "It's about exploring, having fun." "I remember staying up all night with my friends solving proofs, cracking equations." "It was pretty wild." "But some of my best memories are just hanging out, meeting new people, living on the edge." "God I miss college." " Well in my experience, meeting new people usually leads to relentless mockery by said people." " Don't you think that's a little pessimistic." "Give people a chance." "They can often surprise you." " That is a point worth considering, Mr. Samuels." " Go forth." "Go!" "The world is ready to embrace you." " Boo loser." " Eventually." " Since Mr. Samuels was basically my real-life Yoda," "I knew he was right." "He'd proven it was time to give people a chance." "I think we should ask Whitney to stop torturing us." " Did you forget to wear your gas mask in lab again?" " Whitney's a person too, right?" "If we approach her like confident, mature adults, she will respect us and then we can coexist in peace." " Of all the douche-nozzles in this school," "Whitney is the worst." " She hasn't been that horrible." " What the?" " Okay fine." "But it's this or suffer from abject humiliation for the rest of the year." " So I said to her if you don't stay away from Rick," "I will call the police and say that you molested my hat and you have to register for that." " I'm here." " Took you long enough." " One center cut rare, three meatball subs, extra sauce, a hard boiled egg and a Kombucha." " I'm going to die a virgin and you don't even care." " Shh." " Are you guys selling band candy or something?" " Actually, no." "We were wondering if we could talk to Whitney for a second." " Do you have an appointment?" "I want to hear what Bill Nye and the lesbian have to say." " Hello." "We know that there has been some bad blood between us throughout the years, but we are seniors now and there is no reason why we can't finish off the school year being civil to each other." "We thought that if we came and spoke to you like adults, we could come to some sort of mutually beneficial agreement." " Wow." "I applaud your courage." "Okay." " Wait what?" " It didn't occur to me until this exact moment that I kind of respect you." "You didn't change yourself to blend in, which is much more than can be said for the rest of these automatons." " Well I'm glad we could come to this understanding." " Actually, Colin's throwing a party this Saturday." "You should come." " Thank you for coming." "Friends don't let friends drive drunk." "Ow." "The mean attractiveness of this party is statistically significant." "How do I look?" " Soccer mom goes to the Olive Garden." "I guess we should..." " Colin!" " Thank you for hosting us." "You have a lovely home." "My mom says never come to a party empty handed." " Sweet." " Oh." " Have fun, baby." "Hey bro, we got next game." " Oh my god." "Is that really how I just saw my first human penis?" " See, we are diversifying our portfolio of high school experiences already." "That contains Colin's urine." " Hey." "MIT and what was it?" "How's it going, guys?" " Well we haven't been roofied yet so." " Wow." "Aren't you enchanting?" " This is her trying to be nice." " I'm hoping to get time off from this conversation for good behavior." " You're funny, Wellesley." " Thanks, Penn State." " I'm Dave by the way." " We were lab partners sophomore year." " Um Mandy." " Mindy." " Mindy like..." " Like Mindy." " Like Mindy, cool." "Any reason it would be awkward for me not to know your name?" " Not unless you're an avid follower of the piccolo section in the school marching band." " Ah I'm more of a tuba section guy myself." " Well then I'm Jodi." " Hi." " There you guys are." "Welcome to the 1%." "Follow me." " Our pleasure." " Good luck!" " Cool, right?" "Go fetch some drinks for our guests of honor, please." " Oh that's not, not." " Dorks, balls now." " They want you to play pong." " Like ping?" " No, beer." " Oh." " Thank you." " Boom!" "Drink." " I think it's gone bad." " No, that's just what beer tastes like." " I don't lose." " You did it!" " Yeah!" " Excuse me!" "Hello everyone." "Can I have your attention please?" " Shh!" " Whitney would like to say a few words." " As you may have noticed, we have some new additions tonight," "Jodi Shallenberger and Mindy Lipschitz." " Shit lips!" " Not so funny after four years." " Now, most of us walk past these two and have never bothered to get to know them." "So I put together a little video of our very own Jodi so we could all learn a bit more about her." " Someone's ballin'." " Who's Jodi?" "Oh." " Well any requests?" "♪ Ooh eczema, I'm gonna vanquish ya ♪" "Yow!" "Oh you're such a good kisser." "I'd party down with you any time, Adam Scott." " You know how there are the birds and there are the bees." "How familiar are you with male anatomy?" " Oh my god, Dad, I am 17." " Hon, got your tampons." " Dad!" "No, I need maximum flow." "I told you, Dad!" " Oh no!" " Jodi, wait!" "You're all mean!" "Jodi!" " You're late." " How epic was prank eight?" "I want to be you when I grow up." " If you're going to be in power next year, this is your new Bible, the 48 Laws of Power." "I suggest you heed law number one." " Never outshine the master." " Your lawnmower man is like so happy." " Don't wave!" "Mackenzie, drive." "♪ Reach all the stars" "♪ 'Cause you are my friend" "♪ And you're killing it every day ♪" " Hey, Jodi." "It's me, your best friend." "Um I'm at school right now and you know, it is really, really not that bad." "Oy vey." " Oh my god, have you seen Jodi's Instagram feed?" "Someone tagged a photo of her on a box of tampons." "That is really not right." " Oh my god." " That prank was pretty twisted, Whitney." "Even for you." "I mean, how mental do you have to be to put that much effort into messing with a couple of nerds" " All I had to do was teach myself how to hack a webcam, figure out Jodi's IP address and then trick her into responding to a spyware email I learned how to write." " You guys are demonic." "You're like medieval to each other." " I will not allow Big Bang Theory and her frizzy-haired lap dog to roam the halls of this school thinking that for one second they are my equal." " Law 15, crush your enemy totally." " Right." " Oh Jodi, coming in." "Remember that only my opinion matters." "Hey, I brought you something." "I brought you my favorite book on Tesla, who was also totally defeated and humiliated in his lifetime and has since regained popularity and had a resurgence of respect." "Also brought some cookies." "They'll be good in an hour." "And a mint." "Yeah!" "Oh." "You know, one day we are gonna look back on this and it is going to be..." " Uh just stop, Mindy." "I told you this was gonna happen." "People like Whitney don't change." "God, I knew I shouldn't have clicked on that attachment." "New Tina Fey series, piccolo players wanted." " Okay, all right." "No, no." "No." "We're not accepting defeat." "Do we accept defeat?" "No." " I'm sure you understand the definition of winning." "This..." "Not winning." " Hey." "I am serious." "We are gonna stand up for ourselves." " Yeah?" "And how exactly are we gonna do that?" " By beating those fascists at their own game." "We're gonna be popular." "And not lame top 40 popular, awesome popular." "All of us." "All of the people they have treated like second class citizens and then copied their calculus homework." " Popular people don't take calculus." " I know because they are stupid dolts who are gonna go to below average universities and get mediocre grades and still end up being our bosses unless we do something about it right now." " Just like that, we're gonna overthrow generations of ingrained high school social strata?" " Yes." "Is there anything we have ever put our minds to that we have not accomplished?" " Well we didn't get Firefly back on the air." " Shh!" "Besides getting Firefly back on the air." " Then..." "No." " Let's do this." "Boom!" "And so it was." "The revolution was born." "And Tina Fey, if you're listening," "I'd still play piccolo for you." " Power to the peons." "The facts were simple." "There were more of us than there were of them." "So all we had to do was convince the outsiders, misfits and weirdos of the school to ban together." "Basically we were gonna unionize the outcasts." "Power to the peons." " Unfortunately, it wasn't that simple." " Oh!" " Well that was a lucky shot." "Gross, but lucky." " Yeah." " Power to the peons!" " Hi guys." "I am Claire, ambassador troop 2579." " Welcome, Claire." " I like where your horse head's at." "Going straight Godfather, huh?" " It's a unicorn for my spirit animal badge." " You do realize that this is a meeting to launch a social revolution." " Yup, I'm in." "Whatever you guys need." " Oh great." "Well why don't you take a seat inside and we will be with you shortly." " Yay!" "We talked to pretty much every misfitoy in this school and the only thing we have to show for it is Marcia Brady." " Hey, all revolutions have to start somewhere." "Oh my god, Sugar Jones incoming 12 o'clock." " No eye witnesses." " Activate shield." " I hear you're trying to obliterate the jackhole normative power hierarchy of this pathetic excuse for a school." " Well obliterate is kind of extreme, but yeah." " I'm in." " Okay, we may be small in number, but we're all here for a reason, right?" " Right." "Wait, why are we here?" " Jesus." "I say we just burn this mother down and be done with it." " Arson sounds like a fabulous plan." " But if we need to get more people, we could go door to door like I do with cookies." "It's an excellent way to bond with people in a place where they feel comfortable being themselves." " Screw Girl Scout cookies, an obvious conspiracy to subjugate girls and force them into traditional gender roles by selling overpriced, unremarkable, and nutritionally-deficient baked goods." " We suck at this." "This isn't a revolution, this is a girl band." "We need someone who can work the system," "Karl Rove good witch style." " Wait." " Virginia." " As president of the History," "Young Democrats," "Multi United Nations Club, I am..." " Virginia Vanderkamp had locked up most likely to succeed in third grade." "Our junior year, Virginia launched the culmination of all her hard work, a campaign for student council president." "She had a well-oiled political machine and several key endorsements." " Vote for me, Virginia." "Do you want a pin?" " Hey Twilight, go Kyle." " But despite her best efforts, she lost to Kyle McDevon." " Chipotle burritos, yeah!" " Whose campaign speech consisted of giving out free Chipotle gift cards." " You want a burrito, Virginia?" " And spectacular abs." " Oh yeah!" " After a crushing defeat, she went where many a depressed and disgruntled American has gone before," "France." "Needless to say, she didn't come back from summer break the same." " What's your shirt say?" " Hell is other people." " Next." " Oh this girl definitely owns a pony." " Does anyone else feel underdressed?" " Speak." " Hi, Virginia." "This is Mindy Lipschitz, Jodi Shallenberger," "Sugar Jones and Claire the Girl Scout." "We were trying to upend the social hierarchy of our school." " Or destroy it." " And we could use your help." " I'm not interested in your futile attempts to make sense of the world's chaos." "Be gone." " We were actually thinking more along the lines of revenge." " What?" "We tried to talk to all the different groups, but nobody wanted to join the cause." "You think all the outcasts are the same, but really we're like snowflakes, snowflakes that hate each other." "Let me break it down for you." "You've got your basic overachievers, your underachievers, your emos, your goths, your bandos, your drama dorks, orchestra oddballs and gleeks." "Kids lost in space, kids who take up too much space, your steampunk, cyber punk, classic punk, kids with foreign parents, kids who are parents," "Twihards, kids who try too hard, kids who write binary, kids who reject the gender binary, gamers, stoners, loners, anarchists, activists, masochists, and atheists." "There are more strains of loser out there than the herpes virus." "Uniting them under one banner, that is no easy task." " So we're screwed." " I said it wasn't easy, I didn't say it was impossible." " What is this place?" " It used to be my campaign headquarters." "Prior to that it was used by my father to house his miniature horse collection." "Prior to that it was used by my schizophrenic grandfather to interrogate imaginary communists." "He won an imaginary medal for that." " Man, rich white people are messed up." " When I was running for office," "I did a little research on the voters." " So this is where the NSA stores its data." " These files represent the entire student body." "Each one of them contains your standard class list," "GPA, activities, hobbies, psychological profile, past and current lovers, and most importantly weaknesses." " No effing way." " Point of weakness, Tina Fey piccolo." "Geeze am I that transparent?" " Overtly aggressive, lack of impulse control militant with anarchist undertones." "Nice." " Latent Napoleonic tendencies." "What does yours say, Claire?" " It just says Girl Scout." " What's in your file, Virginia?" " I don't have any weaknesses." "These three files represent the king pins of the school's underclass." "Convince them and you have a shot at this thing." "The key is figuring out what makes people tick and then exploiting it mercilessly." " I like you, Virginia even if you are named after a slave state." " First up, Howard Chang, leader of the young entrepreneurs." "Points of weakness, black mock turtlenecks, technology savvy women and the word billion." " I get what you guys are going for." "I think it's very innovative, but it's just not right for us." "We're working on an app right now that's gonna blow up." "Asiavous, Facebook for Asians." "And besides, I've got to look to the future, not worry about high school." "I still have to get before I can start my first company." " Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels." "You can quote them or disagree with them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things." " Do you know who said that?" "Apple and that is why they make billions." " Next is Martin Vimmel, head of the Science Fiction Club." "Points of weakness, hard sci-fi, the sound of his own voice and very aggressive women." " Okay, here's the deal." "Just because you're a science geek, doesn't mean we're your comrades in arms." "Science is about what is." "Any idiot can do that." "Science-fiction is about what could be." " We're huge Dr. Who fans." " Yeah, the Matt Smith years completely turned the series around." " Completely." " Tell you what, give me the title of one Neal Stephenson novel, just one, and I'll join your little group." " You think skinny, anemic fanboys have a monopoly on the one fictional genre where women and people of color get to exist outside of backwards societal norms and traditional confinements?" "Not to mention a genre largely premised on the idea that future dystopia is the inevitable outcome of the current system of patriarchal excess?" "Idiot." "Oh and Cryptonomicon, Snow Crash, Anathem." "Should I go on?" " Louis Hammerschmidt, leader of the Fantasy Club." "Points of weakness, Elven languages, heroic aspirations and any woman." " Whitney Bennett is the Cersei Lannister of high school." "You can play the Game of Thrones with her." "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to end up like Ned Stark." " Louis, think of it like this." "What if Frodo hadn't left the Shire and fought against the Dark Lord?" " Louis." "Thanks for the ride." " I'm really glad I'm helping you guys with this whole thing." "I've always admired you." " Really?" "Why?" " You're just so unapologetic for who you are." " That's been a recurring problem." " So when did you know?" " That I rubbed people the wrong way?" " I haven't heard that one before, but yeah." " Um you know, I guess it was pretty obvious since" "I was a kid, but I really hit my stride in middle school." " I rub people the wrong way too." "I mean, I haven't actually yet." "But I want to someday." "First I have to figure out how to tell them." " That you're rude and obnoxious?" " That I'm gay." " It's so great to talk to somebody who's already out." "You're like my hero." "With that sign on your back announcing that you were gay," "I could not believe how brave you were." " Okay first of all, someone put that sign on my back as a prank and secondly, why does everyone think I'm gay?" " You do wear a lot of vests." " Huh." " I'm sorry, I just, I thought that..." " No, it's okay." "I'm really glad that you told me." "So..." "When did you know?" " I think it finally clicked when I realized" "I didn't just love Veronica Mars," "I loved Veronica Mars." " Preach." " I will, I will see you at school in the halls." "You know and say hi to me." " See you later." " See you." " Things are happening, Herb." "Things are happening." " Yes they are." "New York Performing Arts School." "Deal's a deal." "I have a date with Carol and you have a date with destiny." " Find love today." " Things are happening." " Raise your hand if you've ever eaten lunch in a bathroom stall." "Been made fun of because of your weight, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or knowledge of the periodic table of elements." " Well it's time we did something about it." "It's been 42 seconds and I still don't know your product, your plan or your profit point." "If you want to endlessly pontificate start a blog." " We have a blog." " Oh no, here comes angry black girl." " Oh I'm not angry because I'm black." "I'm angry because I'm paying attention." " All we're saying is that if we don't stick together, we have no chance of standing up to the evil empire." " What you're proposing is like the Rebel Alliance." " Star Wars, classic sci-fi." " I'm sorry to interrupt, but I think Star Wars technically constitutes fantasy." " Uh in what galaxy?" " It's an archetypal hero's quest." "That's fantasy." " Um yeah, set in a technologically advanced society with space ships." " And sword fighting." " Light sabers are not swords." " What about the Force?" "That's magic." " Which was scientifically explained by midichlorians." " Are you actually citing the prequels to me right now?" " Why do we have two sci-fi nerds here?" " He's sci-fi, I'm fantasy." "It's totally different." " Totally different." " But neither of you get laid, right?" " This is exactly the problem." "What is a popular person?" "What makes them different from us?" " Attractiveness." " Flawless skin." " A large number of followers." " Wrong." "That's what they want you to think because they need you to believe that it's hard to be popular." "The only difference between them and us" "So while we're sitting here tearing each other apart over who would win in a battle between Batman and Green Lantern." " Batman." " Green Lantern." " They're sitting pretty and ruling our school." " So what are you asking for, blind loyalty, that we just pretend we're all friends?" " No, not blind loyalty, real loyalty." "We all have something in common." "We've been kept on the outskirts of a school that we help make great and..." " We are the movers and the shakers." "We are the club presidents and the innovators." "We are the ones with our hands on the beating pulse of otherness that make America the best effing country in the GD world." "So I say let's stop bending over and taking it and stand together." "And so it began, our Independence Day." "At first, the changes were small, a smile here," "a random act of non-douche baggery there." "In shared struggles, former enemies forged new alliances." " Lactards unite." " Some of us learned the ancient art of not getting our asses kicked." " So I'll try not to hurt you too... to design innovative solutions to age-old problems." " What's up, turtleneck?" "I lost my iPhone and I'm gonna need yours." "You've got five seconds to hand it over." "What the hell is that?" "What are you gonna do, Dildo Baggins?" " Hi-yah!" " Get him!" "Smells like Comic Con in here anyway." " Yes!" " And once the outcasts became a united front, the rest of the school fell like dominoes." "Political power, check." "Never getting picked last again." " Come on!" " Check." " And that is why the singularity is near." " Debate tournaments were in." "Organized sports were out." "And slowly, things began to actually change." "Dork was the new popular." " Ow!" "Every flavor of weirdo was breaking bread together." " We should do something to celebrate how awesome we are." " Yeah, even the goths look kind of happy." " Guys, we just pulled off the bloodless coup of the century and it is..." " Probably just a phase or something." "Like I herd Mercury is supposedly going renegade." " Here's the truth." "One day, I will be in a place where power isn't determined by acned suburban subliterates and that place will be Princeton." "But for now, I have to cater to these morons who apparently think pretending they're popular actually means they're popular." "What's law number five?" "Much depends on our reputation." "Guard it with our life, get it?" "So right now I'd say it's pretty clear that we are..." " Mmm toast." " The thing about power is when you don't have it, someone else does." "So you say phase and I say insurrection the only response to insurrection is to crush it." "Quickly." " Stephanie, purple is definitely your color." "Chase, good luck on that first chair open audition." "Sarah, your Blanche DuBois was transcendental." "Hey, you, me, Magic the Gathering." "Fifth period, whoo!" "Oh Mr. Samules." "Methane!" "I'm just goofing." " Oh well." "Nice balls, Milton." " Shenanigans." " Geeze, like Pandora's box opened up and it was filled with weirdos and losers." "Oh what's that?" "Yup." " Every scientist needs an arch nemesis." "He's right though." "The school does seem different lately." "You have anything to do with that?" " I can neither prove nor disprove that hypothesis." "I can't help but thinking it is exactly the type of person who would go over like gangbusters in an MIT interview." " Gangbusters." "I don't know, I've got it narrowed down to two." "I've got maroon and black and I'm not sure which goes better with my dickey, but my dickey kind of goes with everything and I keep thinking what would Neil deGrasse Tyson do, but then again I'm not Neil deGrasse Tyson," "but then again." " Mindy, Mindy, stop worrying." "They'd be Darwin Award grade morons not to take you." " I keep imagining how great it would be next year, me at MIT, you coming to live with me in Boston." " Um Mindy, there's something I've..." " Oh oh!" "Okay, I gotta go, that's my mom." "Wish me luck." " Good luck." " But then in ninth grade, the Young Astronomers Association selected me for the Rising Star Award, which I accepted despite the lazy pun and then in 10th grade I won second prize at the state science fair for my project anisotropic versus isotropic materials." " Okay Mindy, it's clear that you're a really talented scientist." "Great grades, great test scores." "But what makes you tick?" "What makes you special?" "Like okay, when I was at MIT," "I was a member of the Hacks, right." "Learned more from pulling off those pranks than in any class I took so." " Well as I mentioned," "I am president of the school science club and a national merit scholar and I can recite the entire periodic table of elements." "Would you like me to?" "I can do it." "There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium and iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium" "and lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium and gold and protactinium and indium and gallium and iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium." "There's..." " Hey." "I saw you dancing." "What's going on?" "What you listening to?" " Um Bowie." "What's that, Nickelback?" " Oh yeah, huge Nickelback fan." "Love it." "Canadian icons." " You like Carole King?" " It makes me feel like a natural woman." "Who can't relate to that, you know what I mean?" " Let's not forget that the last time I saw you, the most humiliating moment of my life." " Yeah, okay." "First of all, I'm sorry." "I had no idea that was gonna happen." "What's going on in American Psycho Barbie's head?" "No and second of all, that stuff was not humiliating." "Except in all the ways that it was humiliating." "I'm surprised you didn't change schools." "But here look, hey, positive side." "Eczema song, knocked it out the park." " Can you just not?" " Rickets." "Do you have a song about rickets for my grandad?" "He's got rickets." " I don't, I don't get it." " I guess you wouldn't get it, you're a young woman, very healthy." " No." "I mean, you know, you seem like you aren't a completely heinous human being and have at least a modicum of a soul." " That is the sweetest thing that anyone's ever said to me." "Thank you." " How can you hang out with Adolf Whitler?" " Look, trust me, I know how awful she is." "What you think you have a copyright on teen angst?" "It's high school, we're all put into a box and marginalized." "Look at me, I hang out with Colin." "I've known Colin since the second grade." "The guy is, he's an idiot." "But what am I supposed to do?" "Not all of us have the guts to stage a full-scale rebellion." " Mindy's the brains behind the operation." " You just write the theme music?" "Look um, for what it's worth," "I'm glad you didn't transfer schools." "My hand's on your shoulder." "Full contact, shoulder touching." "Pound it, blow it up." "Explosion." " Yeah." " Okay." "Oh um by the way," "Bowie totally made weird awesome." " Check mate." " Killing it." " People think pretty girls can't be smart, but it's like don't pigeon hold me." " Uh don't you mean pigeon hole?" " Ew what's a pigeon hole?" " It's like if you hold onto a pigeon, it can't fly away." " Yeah." " It's like let me fly." " Where the hell is everyone?" " Hey Mackenzie, look at that." "You like that?" " I think everyone's at the lame party." " Really?" "That's awesome." " What the hell is your problem, hmm?" " You know what my problem is?" "You're uh you're super evil." "You're like African rebel group dictator evil" "So I think I'm gonna check out the lame party where I hear the hosts aren't total ass hats." " You'll fit right in." " I think I'm gonna go to that party too." "It sounds like there's girls there." " Dude." " I think someone should probably scope it out too." "You know, like do some double agent Shenans." " Mackenzie!" " Hey, so what's in this anyway?" " My own personal secret blend of choice chemicals and a dash of genius." "I call it Lipschitz and giggles." " You're right, I do have the vague urge to laugh." " Whoa, looks like I picked the right party." " Oh Dan, right?" " Dave." " Dave, Dave like.." " Like Dave." " Like Dave." " So do you know anyone who can get me into the Whitney protection program?" " Oh my god." "Tell me everything." " And for you." "Who wants Lipshots?" " So Principal Whitmore gave you two months detention for protesting the summer reading list?" "I always heard it was because you threw a flash bomb into glee club." " That was just a rumor I started." " Well we should organize a protest." " What do you know about protesting, Pollyanna?" " I know you think Girl Scouts are silly, but the whole point is to empower girls so we can change the world." "You know, Gloria Steinem, Hilary Clinton, and Sandra Day O'Connor were all Girl Scouts." " Hmm maybe you're not as "puppies and unicorns" as you seem." " I thought I would be just better at jousting," "I don't know, like 'cause of a reach thing" " 'Cause you got those long, spindly ones." " Thank you, spindly ones, sure." "Oh whoa, there's a piano here." "You know what that means." "Will you write any new songs?" " You know what, I actually just wrote one in my head called Our Party is Way Better Than Your Party." "It's weird." " Thank you, it's nice." "Sweet." " Actually..." "I am working on one now." "But um..." "It's stupid." " Oh I will be the judge of that." "Sit down." " Do I have to?" " Yeah, yeah you're gonna have to play a song for me." "Sorry." " I can't believe you're making me do this." "All right." "♪ On the outskirts going nowhere" "♪ But I've heard that the truth is out there" "♪ I just hope one day I can show" "♪ There is more here than what they know ♪" "And that's all I have." "That was great, are you kidding me?" "That was awesome." "That was really good." " I was just thinking for the chorus." " Wow, I didn't know you played." " I don't like to let people behind the candelabra." "It's my secret place." "So when do I get to hear the rest of your songs?" " Maybe..." "Some time." " Later, maybe later, maybe later." " Hey, oh." "Oh hey guys." "Um I just wanted to let you know that they're reenacting the Battle of Trafalgar out on the beach." "So..." " Awesome, let's do that." "That's way better than..." "Naval battle, huh?" "Hmm?" " I think I speak for everyone when I say that Saturday's shindig was one of the best, nay, the best party of all time." " Here here." " Now, does anyone have anything to bring to the council's attention?" "Upcoming events, seminar ideas?" "Yes." " Sugar and I did some research and it turns out..." " What about sabotaging the lacrosse team." "We've finally established strategic dominance." "Now is the time to exploit our advantage and those guys had it coming." " A few tablets of Ex-Lax in the team's water coolers and their bowels will explode like krypton." " Do you think Steve Jobs became the greatest visionary of all time by being satisfied with creating the iMac?" "He changed it up and created the iPod, then the iPhone, then the iPod touch, then..." " I got it, I got it." "I guess a little explosive diarrhea never hurt anyone." " Yes!" " Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." " Hey, want to play Settlers of Catan?" "My dad's new lady friend is coming over with her kid so we can all meet each other even though it's only their second date." " Well that sounds fun." " All right, you guys gotta go." "You know how my parents feel about organized labor, so." " Right." " Oh god." "What do I do?" "Is it too neat?" "Is my hair too neat?" "Should I mess it up?" "I mean, don't the ladies like it messy?" " Oh, Herb." "Listen, you haven't dated in awhile so I feel the need to tell you that at your age, women aren't super concerned as much as they are impressed that you still have hair." " Oh no." " Relax." "Awkward doesn't suit you." " Yes." "No awkward." "Okay." "Hi." " Hi." " You must be David, of course you are." "Who else would you be?" "You wouldn't bring a date to dinner, right?" "I'm Herb." "Uh uh David, this is my daughter Jodi." "Jodi, David." "Jodi, Carol, Carol, Jodi." "David, Carol, Herb, Jodi." "Everybody knows each other." "Introductions out of the way." "Come into the house please." "This is the way in." "♪ Boom Shaka laka laka" "♪ Boom Shaka laka laka boom" "♪ Shaka laka laka boom" " Jodi, it's Mindy." "Call me." " I suggested hey, why not take the shorts up an inch above the knee." "They said no, but with respect they said no." "Um I also have made..." " Hey, guys." "Just give me these, give me these." "You guys are done, right?" " Not quite, but." " Mom's done, Mom's done." " Sure, thank you." "That's good." " Hey, hey." "What if they get married?" " Then we almost committed stepcest." "Hey, you were the one who went in for the kiss." " No, no way." "You were practically undressing me with your eyes." " Undressing you?" "Mister oh I don't let many people behind the candelabra." " Fine, we'll just chalk it up to equal parts creepy." "I don't know where this goes." " So..." "Friends it is?" " Yeah, in the interest of not having our family tree go in a circle friends." "I'm sorry, I realize referencing having children with you makes it more creepy." " Yeah, it did." " I got an operation plan to Photoshop the cheerleaders' yearbook picture." "Can I get the green light?" " I don't care, do what you want." " I have been looking for you all day." "Oh my god, last night was like the seventh circle of awkwardness." " I called you." " I know." "It was insane." " I got waitlisted at MIT." " Wait, wha, wha?" "No, no, no, there's gotta be a mistake." "Hey, I want names." " It doesn't matter." " Hey, guess who's coming to dinner?" "We're joking." "Hey, did you hear?" " Actually not." " Um..." " Not a good time." " Her dad and my mom, they're like totally dating now." " That's crazy." " Oh hey, side point." "I found a perfect song for your audition." " Audition?" " Thanks Dave, I'll take it from here." " It's just for a performing arts school." " In Boston?" " In New York." "I was gonna tell you." "It's no big deal." " Of course it's a big deal." "I'm sure you'll get in and it's a good thing you've got Dave to help you with your audition." " Mindy, don't be mad." "I gotta go." " Yep." " Hey, we'll talk later, okay?" " Sorry." " It's fine, let's just go." " Mindy Lipschitz, please report to the principal's office." " This is an all new level." "Stealing chemicals and lab equipment from the school?" " Come on, Les, Mindy is one of my best students." "She would never do that." " Really?" "Why don't you have a look-see." " Okay, well that one is clearly Photoshopped." " Mindy." " Well guess what." "You're out of the science club forever." " This must be some mistake." " Save it, sweater vest." "Luckily, we still have students like Whitney Bennett who had the courage to bring this sick delinquency to my attention." "Get out of my office." "Mr. Samuels." "Why didn't you defend me?" " What do you want me to do, Mindy?" " You went to MIT, the greatest academic institution and you're still being bullied by an overgrown frat boy." " Oh my god, you totally broke her." " Law 42, strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter." "Straight back to you." " Are you sure you want this?" " I want it." "Can anyone tell me what the exception to the rule of..." "Brothers and sisters, it is time to open your eyes." "Whitney Bennett, for four years she has crafted a meticulous image as the rich girl who had it all." "Well brothers and sisters," "Whitney Bennett is not who you thought." "The mansion her family supposedly lives in, try the servants' quarters." "Her father, the hedge fund manager, these are the only hedges he's ever managed." "The mother who works in fashion, only if this constitutes working in the fashion industry." "Her older brother getting a master's in business at Wharton." "The only business he's mastered is delivering pizzas." "The truth is revealed." "The only reason Whitney was always so intent on exposing all of your weaknesses was so that you would never discover hers." "Whitney Bennett is a liar." " Dude." "What was that?" " That was our revenge over Whitney." " You do realize that you just did the same thing to her that she did to me." " Exactly, it's called revenge." "I don't get what your problem is." "This is what you wanted." "We set out to change things and we did it." "We won." " It doesn't feel like we won." "It feels like we're becoming the things that we used to hate." " My whole life I played by the rules." "I colored in the bubbles with my number two pencils and what did it get me?" "Teased, tortured, ignored, waitlisted." "Do you know what turning the other cheek gets you?" "Two black eyes." " The old Mindy..." " Was a pushover who thought she was gonna go to MIT, engineer the perfect hydrogen fuel cell and get an element named after her." " Lipschitzium can still happen." " If you have a problem with what you're doing, you should do something about it." " If this is what it is..." "Then I'm out." " So we had succeeded in creating a new world order at Richard Milhous Nixon High." "Turns out power is a potent drug and with Whitney publicly humiliated and officially dethroned, the underlings of our school had now become its overlords." " Dude, that was amazing." " I'm registered as a lethal weapon." " Well this sucks." " I told you we should have just burned this mother down." " Here here." " Has anyone seen Whitney?" " Oh she's gone AWOL." "I never thought I'd feel bad for someone who affectionately references Stalin." " Now we should shove his head into a toilet." "You know what I'm saying?" " Look, I never meant for things to go down like that." " Oh come on, don't tell me you're not having a dorkgasm over this." " Google alert, you did the same thing to me" " But your threshold for humiliation was already so high." "No wait, I, I'm, s-s-s..." " Were you trying to apologize?" " It just gets stuck in my throat." "But I know you're right, okay." "You're right." " Okay." " Thanks." " I'm going to cut right to the chase." "I intend to rule this school next year." "But the only way you become the best is by working for the best." "I thought that was Whitney, but apparently I was wrong." "I won't pretend to like your fashion choices." "But you've got a lot to teach me and I'd like to offer my services as your intern for the rest of the school year." " Prom is almost here and we still don't have a theme." "So I'd like you to rally your various factions to back my proposal for Ender's prom." " Support my bid for prom king," "I vote for whatever theme you want." " Wait, I'm running for prom king." "I'm the only one who knows how to wield a sword effectively." " Whoa whoa whoa." "I thought we were letting Colin win so we could prank him." " No, we never went over that." " Um no, you're not gonna be king, I'm gonna be king." " Mindy, I am willing to make you queen with a five-year no-beheading clause." " A no beheading clause?" " As I sat there listening," "I realized how ridiculous it all was." "We had pretended we cared about coming together, but in the end people only cared about themselves." "Even best friends." "So it had all been a lie, which was fitting since when you think about it most of high school is a lie." "Everyone faking it, trying to act cooler or smarter or older or just more sure of themselves than they really are and I couldn't help but think wouldn't it be nice for once if people just told the truth." " So you're going to drug prom?" " That makes it sound so serious." "Lipschitzium is a very mild form of truth serum in gaseous form." "Think of it like a very smart person's version of spiking the punch, okay?" " Oh I'm fine with you drugging prom." "So what changed your mind about working with me?" " You may be a duplicitous opportunist, but at least you're honest about what you want." " Hmm." " Thank god you're back." "Being the only hot person in this school?" "The army of dorkness is multiplying faster than the Kardashians." " Oh!" "Sorry, habit." " So are you going to prom?" " Hell no." " Hey Whitney, can your dad mow my lawn?" " You have a message from Mom." "Make sure you drive safely to school, honey." "You'll know." "Love, Mommy." " I'm sorry you had to see that." "You don't need a date to go to prom." " The date, the dress, the revelry." "I don't even know where to begin with my hatred." "And anyways, Mindy and I had always planned on doing a Star Wars marathon on prom night." "13.24 hours prequels and all." " I get it, it's just..." " What?" " I had a chat with Mackenzie." "She's apparently Mindy's intern now and she wouldn't tell me anything, but it sounds like Mindy's planning some sort of crazy prank at prom." "Guess she's not done getting her revenge." " Why are they fighting on a hovercraft above molten lava?" " Well Herb, I'll tell you." "Obi-Wan here is just trying to be a good friend and to keep Anakin from acting like a total jackhole, but Anakin is more interested in making a stupid power play than in hanging out with his best friend." " Hmm I don't know." "It seems to me Obi-Wan is being pretty brave, standing up for the fate of the universe and trying to help out his friend who seems to be going through maybe a rough time." " Even if Obi-Wan ends up having to chop off his best friend's legs and his best friend ends up turning into some mouth-breathing, goth cyborg who eventually kills him?" " Yeah, even then." "Jodi." "There's one thing that I do know." "Nothing great ever happens when you're sitting on the sidelines." " Shit." "I gotta go to prom." "Thanks, Dad." " Jodi, I am your father." "Your founding father." " I really hope this isn't genetic." "Dad, are there any old clothes in Mom's closet I can wear?" " Wow." "What a vision." "Just got off the phone with Carol." "Dave doesn't have a date either." "So she's gonna bring him over here so you guys can carpool." " Dad!" " It's fine." "You're just carpooling." "It's not gonna be awkward at all." " You guys, come on, squeeze in over here." "Grab her waist." "She's not your sister." "And..." "Perfect." "All right, see ya." "All right, so I'm just gonna go." "Shh!" "Okay the coast is clear, let's go." " We are so Breaking Bad right now." "Hey Colin." " Who came up with this theme anyway?" " The patriarchy." " You back in?" "Wanna bust a move?" " Fine, whatever." " You gotta get up to get down." " I think I might actually be a PC." " Maybe my therapist is right." "I am dating my father." " Is there any way to deny that all human suffering originates from human desire?" "Unless the only way to end suffering is to end desire." "But the illogical and futile nature of desire will inevitably win out over our rational nature." " This punch..." "Is good." " I know that everybody loves Harry, but I can certainly appreciate Zayn's brooding charm, but for my money, Liam is the unsung hero of One Direction." " I find everything about you repulsive, yet I'm strangely drawn to you." " That is the nicest thing a girl has ever said to me." " I love you, man." " Yes homo." " I find myself incredibly attracted to you despite that pantsuit." "This is awesome." "Thank you, Adam Scott." "Hey um..." "I really like you." " I really like." "Damn it." "Um I gotta go." "I'll find you later." " Promise?" " Hey." " Where have you been?" " Sorry I was, I was just in the janitor's closet making out with my future stepbrother." " Okay, we have to find Mindy." " And before her plan goes into effect." "She is a really good chemist, you know?" "Really good." "Oh my god, what is all this?" " Is she trying to poison the school?" " I wouldn't put it past her at this point." "What do you think this does?" " I don't, I don't..." " Expose the truth." "Nice." "Some best friend you are." " I'm sorry, is the person who's building a chemical weapon questioning my integrity in this scenario?" " I figured it was about time somebody cut through all the bullshit so we could see who people really were." " I told you you couldn't trust her." " And now all of a sudden you're, you're," " Yeah because between you and Whitney," "Whitney is the one who is acting less like an evil dictator." " You are just jealous because I am the one who finally stood up to her, which is something that you've always been too scared to do." " I'm turning you in." " If you're not with me, you are my enemy." " Only a Sith deals in absolutes." "I will do what I must." " You will try." "No, no!" " Whitney, go get help." " Eh no thanks." "Law 21." " Play a sucker to catch a sucker." " Emergency." " I need to report a crime in progress." " Okay everybody." "It is that time of the evening that you've all been waiting for." "Your very handsome principal is about to announce your prom king and queen." " You shall not pass!" " And the prom king is..." "Louis Hammerschmidt?" "Wow, you guys suck at this." " Make way or I'll have you drawn and quartered." "My fellow classmates," "I intend to rule you all with an iron but noble fist." " No!" " And the prom queen is..." "The lovely Miss Claire Stuart." " That's you, go." " Congratulations." "Oh wow, you look lovely." " Thank you." " And let's let beauty and the beast regale us with a little dance." "Watch your step." " Seize fire!" "Seize fire!" " That was exhausting." " Nerd fight!" " No!" " Oh my god!" " Hey, do you need my help?" " No, I got this." " Where have you been?" " In Europe, proms don't start until 11." " Say you're sorry!" " Why couldn't you just be happy for me?" " Because you were too busy exploring your sexuality to attend to my emotional needs." "You knew how much MIT meant to me." " You know what, I am sorry that for once in my life" "I found a boy that is totally awesome and broodingly sexy." "Oh my god, Jodi, stop it." " You think I'm totally awesome?" " Yeah." " Cool, that's great." " And I am really sorry that for once in your life your 10-year plan didn't go perfectly, but you know what, suck it up and deal with it like the rest of us!" " Oh ew, are you two gonna make out now?" " You know what, Whitney, shut up!" "Even after all of the horrible crap that you put me through," "I still tried because I was stupid enough to feel bad for you." " Do you think I actually care what these people think of me?" "High school is over." "I just wanted you two to know before we all left that I won, that I will always win and whenever I want" "I can take away that which you hold most dear and crush it and it barely took any push at all to turn you two into Cain and Abel." "Frankly, I think I did you a favor, otherwise this little horror show likely would have dragged on for another few years before you two cut your losses and moved on." " Maybe she's right." "It was stupid to think that we would still be friends after high school." "You're gonna do your thing, I'm gonna do mine and, and in 10 years we'll see each other at the reunion and smile." "Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be." " If that's how you really feel, then maybe we should just stop avoiding the inevitable and end this right now." " It is how I feel." " Well that hurts." "Not as bad as that." "Oh you gotta be kidding me." "And with that the revolution was over." "The police let me go, calling Lipschitzium a misguided but ultimately harmless prank." " After a hefty suspension, Mindy returned to school and all the cliques returned to how they'd been before." " Yep." "I drugged prom." " Every scientist has one great regret." "Look at Oppenheimer." " So I had time to do some thinking while I was in the clink." "It wasn't just an adolescent right of passage I ruined," "I destroyed all the good I did." "I had an opportunity to really change things and when it came down to it," "I was no different than Whitney Bennett." " I'm not gonna tell you it was okay what you did." "But I understand." "It's hard feeling like you're giving your best and people don't value you." "There are always gonna be jerks." "That doesn't change after high school." "And you can spend your life trying to beat them or prove them wrong or get even with them, but that's all wasted energy." "What you need to do is figure out what and who is important to you and fight for that." "The rest doesn't matter." " Yes, yes!" " Mr. Flemming." " Jodi Shallenberger, is it Jodi?" "Jodi Shallenberger!" "Oh my god!" "I couldn't." " What are you doing here?" " I couldn't let you go in there without you knowing how proud I am of you." " I got into MIT today and it didn't mean anything because you weren't there to celebrate with me." "I don't know how things got so messed up." "Okay no, I do know." "I went totally Dr. Strangelove." "But the thing you said about us being high school friends." "You're not my high school friend." "You're my best friend." "We're the radical two." "You will always know about the face plant I got that got me this dental bridge." "You will always know I prefer odd numbers to even." "I don't know where life will take us." "Hopefully, hopefully to the 2020 Grammy's and the first human settlement on Mars." "But it doesn't matter because all I know is that I want you in my life for all of it." "I am so sorry and I'm back." " I'm so sorry I was too busy exploring my sexuality." " It's okay, sexuality is important." " Oh my god." "Oh I am so glad you're here, you have no idea." "I'm totally freaking out." " Look at me." "Remember science fair finals." "I was so nervous, I could almost puke on my bacteria cultures." "You made me do it." " Okay." "Get yourself together, Jodi." "I think I know what we have to do." " Oh!" "Boom Shaka laka laka, boom Shaka laka laka, boom Shaka laka laka boom." "♪ We reach for the stars" "♪ 'Cause you are my friend" "♪ And you're killing it every day ♪" " Miss Shallenberger." "Do or do not, there is no try." " Right." " That's my best friend!" "My best friend." "Star Wars quote, the end of it." " Yes, yes, yes, yes!" " Shh!" " As I stand before you..." " So high school was finally over." " And maybe it was just the Stockholm syndrome talking, but for the first time I kind of felt like" "I was gonna miss the place." " We had tried so hard to tear down the entire system that we lost sight of what our high school really was, people, people on the inside, people on the outside," "people learning who they are." " Who they want to be." " Who they don't want to be." " Are you serious?" " Because no matter who you are." " The prom king, the Fashionista, or the future disgraced senator, high school is the same." " It's the best of times." " It's the worst of times." "Full of wonderful people and not so wonderful people." " And it's once in a lifetime." " And we made it through." "We're members of society, we have the diploma." "We can prove it to everyone." " Yeah." " Yeah, well done." " Well done to you too." " I'll call you, Wellesley." " All right, Penn State." " You guys." " Come on." " Hey guys." "That was classic." " Wait." " Hi." "Mindy, Jodi, Claire, Virginia." "Sugar, I was wondering if you would perhaps honor me." " I'll see you this week, Martin." " Thank you." " Hey, the heart wants whatever pasty, bespectacled thing the heart wants and don't you look so smug because you know what our next mission is, getting you your first date." " Yes." " That's me." " I'll see you this week?" " Deal." " Bye." " That's my driver." " Spill it." "What are you doing next year?" " Little of this, little of that." "I'm just gonna see where the wind takes me." " That girl's going into the CIA." " No doubt." " You ready, Dolores?" " Don't even." "That woman birthed me." "She can call me whatever she wants." " No problem, Dolores." " Hey." " Pound it, Dolores." " We'll see you this summer, Dolores, yeah?" " We miss you already, Dolores!" " Love you, Dolores!" "Really strong pound, Dolores." "So Martin and Dolores." " Weird, right?" " Who'd have thunk it?" " We gotta..." " Oh!" "Wait." "I almost forgot." "Open it." " One economy class train ticket from Boston to New York City." " Next year is going to be epic." " Next year?" "We still got the summer." "Summer go to my place." " Oh you know it, whoo!" "♪ 'Cause I know you" "♪ Oh it's been a week since I fell apart" "♪ They say it's getting better" "♪ But if this is the end, then when was the start?" "♪ They say it's getting better" "♪ Oh it's been a week since I fell apart" "♪ They say it's getting better" "♪ But if this is the end, then when was the start?" "♪ I can feel it in my bones" "♪ Oh the sanity is on the line" "♪ Well I should've gone, I should've known" "♪ That you're out of sight, out of mind" "♪ But I can't afford to lose the spot" "♪ Or you're keeping me all in the dark" "♪ Now I'm fading like a photograph" "♪ And I'm scared that you're all I have" "♪ 'Cause I know you" "♪ Oh it's been a week since I fell apart" "♪ They say it's getting better" "♪ But if this is the end, then when was the start?" "♪ They say it's getting better" "♪ They say it's getting better oh oh" "♪ Oh oh oh oh" "♪ They say it's getting better oh oh" "♪ Oh oh oh oh" "♪ 'Cause I know you" "♪ But do you know me?" "♪ 'Cause I know you" "♪ Oh it's been a week since I fell apart" "♪ They say it's getting better" "♪ But if this is the end, then when was the start?" "♪ They say it's getting better" "♪ They say it's getting better oh oh" "♪ Oh oh oh oh" "♪ 'Cause I know you" "♪ Oh it's been a week since I fell apart" "♪ They say it's getting better" "♪ But if this is the end, then when was the start?" "♪ They say it's getting better oh oh" "♪ Oh oh oh oh" "♪ 'Cause I know you" "♪ I know, I know, I know" "♪ But do you know me?" " Fin."