"Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" "Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" "Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" "Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" " Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" " Blessed be the land..." " where animals are respected more than humans." "Our Gods and Goddesses are incomplete without their animals." "For example, Lord Krishna without the cow... and Lord Yama without the bull." "Let's hear some cheers!" " And now without any further delay I now welcome 'the Animal Husbandry Minister the Honourable Mr. Jhakar!" "Let's clap 'for him!" "Clap!" "Now I'd like to welcome, our Pradhanji (Village Chief)..." "Mr. Sualal Gandaas!" "Clap for him!" "And the man who owns 315 acres and 21 wells..." " ......." "Mr. Bheem Singh BagdhL!" "Clap for him!" " In a short while we'll be starting 'the main event." "The animal fashion show with contestants from 12 villages!" "Bheema, have you lost your hearing?" "Where 's Maya?" "She was sitting right here..." "Then where did she disappear?" "Were you sleeping?" "Don't take otherwise... could you ask her where Maya's gone?" "Were you sleeping?" "She just left with Laxmi." "How can she just leave?" "How can it be possible?" "And how did you people let her go?" "Our buffalo is about 'to walk 'the ramp and she's gone!" "Where are we going?" "The show was about to start." "I'm getting you something to eat." " This has the best elastic." "Can you give me the red one in my size?" "Give her the golf ball size." "Here it is." " How much is it for?" " 5O Rupees." "The black one, please." "A football size one for her." "Arjun, I've finished all 'the food and you are still figuring out measurements!" "Indicate the size with your hands." "Here you go." " How much is it for?" " 4O Rupees." " Stop 'thinking so much, let's go!" "Let's go." "Come on." "What'?" "'Up-..." "Give me one in red... this big...no ok... this small." "Look, decide whether the size is as small as a rose or as large as a lotus..." " or bring her here." " I'm 'trying 'to 'tell you." "The younger lady who was here and the lady who came for the black one... her size is midway." "The tennis ball size for him!" "Look over there!" " What'?" " There...the...balloons." "Someone's husband is looking for someone!" "Oh God!" "Why did you sneak out from 'the event?" "Don't take otherwise." "You couldn't wait 'for some candy floss, Laxrni?" "Tell me?" " No uncle..." " Shut up!" "I had some personal work." "Do you have to ask me in front of all these people?" "Why?" "You 'think I'm scared oi anyone?" "You are my wife, answer me!" "We can discuss this at home." "Why are you creating a scene?" "I'm asking you right here, right now!" "What was so urgent?" "This was urgent!" "Don't take otherwise." "Should I 'try it on in public 'too?" "Let's go." "Now what?" "Nothing, let's get back 'to 'the show." "(Miracle healer for all sexual problems only 10 rupees)" "Welcome, come sit down." "Where has Sualal gone off 'to now?" "Without even looking at your 'face I've figured out your problem." "When you come to the pitch... you're out even before the game begins!" "Have a teaspoon of this potion every day." "And have a tea spoon of this powder..." " ...with milk on an empty stomach every morning." "And this is... my secret family oil." " Massage with this oil for a month... down there." "It will work right?" "Don't worry, just have 'the medicine and |et your kite fly high." "And can you tell me don't take otherwise." "I want to understand... _yes?" "...do all these big bodybuilders in all these photos... have a sexual problem just like me?" "Do they need special help to get it up?" "The bigger the man the bigger the sexual problem." "Ladies and gentlemen..." " Ladies and Gentlemen, I present before you, Number 3!" " Look at her strut." " Doesn't she just blow your mind?" "This is Number 3!" "Ladies and Gentlemen," "Who is this pretty girl at 'the 'fair?" "She is Number 10." "Look at her amazing walk!" "The apple of Sualafs eye!" "The bulls go wild for her!" "There goes our beauty!" " God save her from the evil eye!" "Goddess... drink something, accept their offering." " Please drink O Goddess!" " At least eat something." " Yes eat Goddess!" "Hello?" "Hello?" " Here She isn't eating and you are worried about your girlfriend." "Just hang up now!" "Please drink..." "At least bless the drink for your followers." "Here..." "We are truly blessed that the Mother of Wealth and Prosperity has descended to Tanakpur." "Praise Goddess Kali!" "Jai ho!" "She hasn't slept or eaten since 9 days." " Shastri, this is truly a miracle!" " Great miracle!" "For 9 days She hasn't eaten or drunk anything..." "Not a grain of food or a drop of water..." "Then She musn't be taking a dump too!" "What did you say?" "I think you should get this Goddess checked by a doctor!" "Aren't you Randhawa's son?" "ls 'this 'the way 'to speak about Her?" "|sn't that Sweaty'?" "Does she look like Sweaty to you?" "My brothers and sisters!" "Look at the way he is talking about our Mother!" "They want 'to bring 'the doctor 'to 'the Goddess' temple!" "You wear glasses, you must be educated, who is your 'favourite God?" "Lord Shankar." "Has anyone ever seen Lord Shankafs 'faeces?" "Never!" "How can you even think of such things!" "Look Goddess!" " Hell has come to Earth!" "People won't believe in God until they see 'their 'faeces!" "People like these should be thrown out of society!" "Beat them up!" " The results of the fashion show are in!" " Without wasting any more time I am going to announce them!" " The runner- up is... ." "Village Chandra's Number 4!" "Oh good, we still stand a chance." " Congratulations to Mr. Madhanlal Sodhi!" "And now the winner." " The winner is..." "Say it... heartiest congratulations to Tanakpur's Mr. Sualal!" "Cheers for Miss Tanakpur!" "Cheers for Miss Tanakpur!" "Pradhanji..." "What is it'?" "Move a bit to your left." "We piss on the same wall every day." "Why are you so worried about the wall?" "I'm not worried about 'the wall." "It says "First child, not now" written on the wall that worries me." "Why?" "This must be 'the last thing you 'think oi when you go 'to sleep at night." "When will I become an uncle?" " I also want to be an uncle." " Listen to me." "Yes?" "I'm 'the head oi 'this village... and ii I don"t 'follow government orders... what will 'the villagers 'think oi me?" "What will they..." "Listen 'to what I'm saying, Lord Ram was born... only after King Dashrath's hair turned white." "That's when he became Emperor Flam." "Amazing." "You are such a great thinker!" "How has nobody else realized 'this yet?" "Brilliant!" "What a thought!" "Now you must wait for all your hair to turn white." "There isn't any harm in waiting tor that great son." "Now switch on your cell phone light to drop me home." "I will light up the entire world, when you have that great son." "My father got me married off thinking I would get respect and honour... also because I was considered bad luck and nobody wanted to marry me." "My family chose to ignore how old Sualal was once they saw the money." "And what did it get me?" "I'm living in hell." "What's 'the point oi crying when I'm with you?" "When I'm with you it 'feels like my heart can sing again." "You lighten my soul." "I should leave now, Maya ma'am." "Arjun, I don"t like T!" "'this " ma'am business." "Can't you just call nne Maya?" "No." "I like treating you with respect." "May I g0 now?" "We haven't spent enough time together." "It's really late ." "I'm just worried that it the Pradhan finds out about us..." "I don"t know what he'll do 'to you." "He scared me at the fair today." "Nothing will happen to me... it's you I'm worried about." "He is worse than an animal, you know..." "What is this?" "You returned the money?" "But this is more than I spent." "Keep it to make me happy." "Once you join 'the police 'force, I'll 'take it back with interest." "Yes Ma'am!" "What happened?" "Did he hit you again?" "Arjun I would have committed suicide months back if you hadn't come into my life." "Arjun, Pradhan's here, run!" "Pradhanji, we have reached your house!" "Who's there?" "Sorry, sorry." " You go look 'there, I'll go look here." " Who is it!" " Who is it!" "Uh', move!" "Turn that off!" "Do you want 'to blind me?" " What happened?" " Who was here?" "Who ran away from here?" "You are drunk, you are imagining things!" "No wonder you see people running around." "Don't 'try 'to 'fool me." "I know you're up to something in nny absence." "What do you 'think I'm up to?" " Pradhanji!" "Now what?" " Come quickly!" " Coming!" " Where is he?" " Who?" "Why did you call me if you haven't found him?" "I wanted to ask... . ii I can switch 'this light off?" "Idiot!" "Do you ask for my permission when you want to take a dump'?" "Sorry!" "Get me a glass of water." " Here." "Listen..." "However smart you may think you are one day I will ﬁnd out the truth." "What truth?" "You get drunk and you imagine things." "Since 3 days, |'ve been asking you to take me to a doctor." "I have back pain and you don"t care!" "It's not possible 'to go right now in 'the night." "We'll see in 'the morning." "It's useless saying anything 'to you." "Go to sleep." "Don't turn away from me and act coy like a new bride." "What's 'the point oi bothering me?" "You won't be able 'to do anything." "Just go 'to sleep." "Here take this and go to sleep." "Let me sleep too." "Goodnight!" "I think the second hand is spoilt." "I think it could be the machine." " Has the clock stopped working?" " No!" "Arjun has gone blind." "He needs to climb up here to see the time." "I see..." "Stop meddling!" "Ii your mother hadn't chanted 'the prayers I gave her.." "...you wouldn't even have been born." "Greetings!" "Why don"t you 'try 'to solve your own problems with 'those prayers." "Forget about him!" "Arjun!" "Good morning!" "Good morning!" "Arjun, can you come ﬁx my sewing machine?" "Sorry that won't be possible." "It I don't get home soon..." "Father will thrash me!" "Lajjo!" "Lajjo!" " Coming, ma!" " What are you up to?" " Wedding preparations." "What'?" "It's Tulsi's wedding today, I was making a garland 'for her." "Shouldn't you be preparing 'for your own wedding?" "It's only four days away." "Arjun!" "Wait a minute." "Aren't you bothered about your 'future?" "What's wrong?" "You're neither running nor working out." "Listen carefully, son you need to concentrate on your application to the police academy." "I know I keep pestering you about this but you can't make a living out of repairing things... and I'm also retiring soon." "I need to show you something." "Look, I have collected 13,00,000 rupees for your job." "I've been collecting every penny." "I know nothing will happen without bribing people." " I don"t care ii I have 'to 'take a loan 'for Lajjo's wedding." "But I won't touch 'this money." " This is only for your police education." "But even a small mistake by you... and my entire |ife's efforts will be wasted." " Lajjo if we aren't done before your aunt comes... . she'll throw a fit." "S-A-N-D-E." "That is Sunday." " M-A-N-D-E..." "That is Monday." "T-l-U-S-D-E." "That is Tuesday." "May I ask you something?" "What'?" "Who is teaching you Angrezi (English)?" "F-O-O-L, fool, this is English, not Angrezi." "The school teacher is teaching me English." "The other thing is... that the state elections are coming up..." "Right." "and I am sure to be a candidate." "Ii I get elected and can't speak a line oi English the village will have to hang ifs head in shame." " Understand!" " Excuse me!" " What?" " When are you 'taking nne 'to 'the doctor?" " Doctor?" "Last night you said you'd 'take me." "Can't you see I'm dyeing nny hair?" "First, it'll dry, 'then, I'll 'take a bath." " After that I have an important meeting to attend." "We'll go some other day." " I'm never going 'to see that day." "You don"t care about me." "Should I go to my fathefs place?" " He'|| take me to the doctor." " You aren't going 'to do anything!" "Give me the hose." " I'll have 'to do everything." "Are you looking for an excuse to go back to your fathefs home?" "Who will look after me when you are gone?" "And stop exposing yourself." "Who will do the housework?" "Your buffalo?" "Ii she could, she'd do it." "She cares about me more than you do." "Yes she does care." "But unlike you, she's well- behaved and she's loyal." "Are you taking me to the doctor or not'?" "I'll see." "I know you aren't going to do anything." "You can do as you please but I'm going today." "My back has been hurting." "I'll 'take Laxmi along." "Laxmi!" " Yes!" " Get ready!" " We have to go the doctor." "Arjun, let's stop!" "It's already 3PM." " I'll die ii I cycle anymore." " A little 'further." "I need to train for the police academy." "Nothing can stop me from getting in." " Arjun stop!" " Oh our P.T.Usha!" "This pain is getting unbearable." "How long will this bus take to arrive?" "Where...?" "To a doctor in the city." "All alone?" "He doesn't have 'the 'time." "Give me one minute..." "Give me your shirt." "One minute." "Take it off." "I can arrange for an Englishwoman with this imported whisky." " Really?" " Just ﬁnd out who that boy is." "Don't worry." "I promise |'|| turn him into a mad man and get him here." "Missiles might lose their way but not my chants and magic." "But you need to perform a tantric ritual." "|'m willing to perform a 100, just ﬁnd me a way." "Who will write it down?" "Ii it's in English I'll write it down and he'll write it down ii it's in Hindi." "I'll write it." "Ok take a pen and paper." "Ok, should I call Goswamijfs spirit?" "I'm calling Goswamijfs spirit?" "Okay?" "Oh Spirit!" "Please give us a special chant for Pradhanji." "Om heem kreem, kamle kamlale..." " He's responding, wait..." "Shastriji, who is Kamla'?" "No 'that's not what I meant Pradhanji!" "Don't joke with Goswamfs spirit, it's a chant, not a joke." "Hail Goddess Kali!" " There!" "The boy has come!" " This isn't 'the boy, it's Gopi." " What's happened?" " You need 'to come with me." "Come quickly." "Don't take otherwise." "Bheema come with me." "You scoundrel!" "Don't hit him!" "Why are you hitting me?" "What have I done?" "I had gone to pick up my aunt..." "Come with me." "Get into the car!" "Listen to me!" "It wasn't his 'fault!" "I haven't done anything!" "You are suspicious." "Thafs not my problem." "You can make up as many excuses as you want." "My sixth sense says that you're up 'to no good." "Let me know when we reach Rasulpur." "Yes, you've already told me thrice." "I'm not as old as you that I'll 'forget." "And where are you going, uncle?" "Uncle?" "My dear little girl, I'm going 'to find a suitable boy 'for you." "Speak for yourself!" "Boys are queing up for me!" "Tickets?" "Are all tickets done?" "Conductor..." "Yes, I know, Rasulpur." "Just keep looking out the window." "No, I just wanted 'to know, what 'time is it?" "Your 'time hasn't come as yet." "And, when you go you'll 'take some oi us along!" " Who hasn't bought their tickets?" "Tickets!" "Have we reached Rasulpur'?" "Just sit down quietly!" " And ii I hear one more word out oi you I won't stop 'the bus at Flasulpur." "Uncle, why don"t you 'try wooing her?" "I'm losing nny mind!" " She's chewed nny brains too!" " Do you even have one?" " What?" " A brain!" "(Rasulpur- 0 K.M.)" "Stop the bus when we reach Rasulpur." "We passed it 10 mins ago." " Turn the bus back around to Rasulpur." " Turn around?" " Please I beg of you!" "The old woman will kill me." "Here, this is Rasulpur." "Get off!" "I don"t want 'to get off, I want 'to go 'to Tanakpur." "Why did you keep asking about Rasulpur'?" "You see, the doctor said, "When you get to Rasulpur, take your pills."" "So should I 'take 'them?" "Please have all of them." "Turn the bus around!" "Did I ask you 'to stop?" "Move on!" "Should I carry you and drop you inside the house?" "You fool, take me to the door, not inside the house." "Ii you wanted 'to be dropped 'till 'the door, you should have come in a palanquin." "Why did you sit in this hand cart?" "Don't 'talk so much, move on!" " No." "What will you do?" " What will I do!" "You idiot!" "Don't hit me Father!" "What's happened?" "What's going on?" "Shut up!" "Greetings, sister." "I thought the wedding preparations would have started... but ifs raining shoes here." "What do I say!" "Your nephew was beaten up by the Pradhan in front of the whole village." "Is that true?" "Don't be ashamed!" "Now your aunt is here!" "Nobody will have the guts to look you in the eye." "Don't worry." "Ramprasad, take the rickshaw inside." "Ma, look aunt is here!" "Speak up Goswamfs spirit." "In 48 hours that boy will be roaming the streets naked, like a madman." "You will have to spend a lot of money." "Shastri, don't take otherwise." "I am 1O + 2 (high school pass)." "Really?" "Dont worry about money, just give me a solution." " Are you sure?" " Yes" "Give me a solution, Goswamijis spirit..." "A monkey bone or the left leg bone of a black dog." "Bury the bones in an urn ﬁlled with vermillion." "With a 100 rupee note." "The mud from your enemy's left leg and his faeces." "Mix it together and make a paste." " Wait...a dog's bone..." " Yes 'the rnud from 'the left 'foot..." " That's correct." "What happened?" " And his 'faeces?" " Yes." "Why don't you make pilaf out of all of this!" "Bheema, we are just wasting our 'time, let's go!" " Pradhanji, just listen to him." " Why should I listen to this?" "Shastri made Chavindefs son impotent." "He is a master of tantric rituals." " Yes, you need to take me seriously." " Then be serious!" "Calling a spirit almost kills me, should I call him or not'?" "You need to talk less." "Goswamijfs spirit, they are apologizing." "Okay, he forgives you." "You need to bury all these objects in a foot- deep hole." "Then you sit on it and say, Om- burambhu swat swaha..." "Om khulat khu thang thang thang phat swaha..." "Don't you need 'to write that down?" "We'll just record it on 'the mobile." " Om- burambhu swat swaha..." "Om khulat khu thang thang thang phat swaha..." "Did it get recorded?" "Ma!" "I'm not conning 'to pick you up." "Hey, tell mom that..." "Oh drat!" "We dropped everything." "Ma!" "Oh damn!" "He's not going 'to come back out now." "How are we going to get the mud from his left leg?" "How can it possible?" "Tell me." "Looks like we'll have 'to wait 'till tomorrow morning." "What to do!" " Pradhanji." " What do you think you are doing?" "I swear upon the ground you walk upon... mthat tomorrow, your enemy is going to take the last dump of his life." "Who is this boy?" "Bheema got him." "I got him from Jadalpur to collect the faeces." "I paid him 100 rupees plus conveyance." "What have you told him?" "I told him that our Pradhanji is a big scientist he's researching different kinds oi 'faeces." "I am the Pradhan, I can do what I want." "Arjun is here." "Why isn't he sitting down?" "His pajama strings aren't getting untied." "Why?" "How would I know?" "And ii they don"t open?" "Then it will become a bigger problem." "It opened!" "Thank the Lord!" "Congratulations!" "Looks like he is leaving." " Go, do what needs to be done" " Yes." " You, boy, come with me." " Pradhanji!" " What has happened now?" "There is a problem." "What is it'?" "Somebody else has taken a dump here as well." "Now how will we know which one is his?" "Which one is fresh?" "Both look fresh." "Ok which one is fresher?" "I can't 'tell you by just looking at it." "Do you want to taste it then?" "This was your idea." "Don't take otherwise!" "Yesterday we spent the entire day looking for mud and today ifs this." "Give me 5 minutes and I promise |'|| pick up the right one." "Do me a favour." "Do you have his fathefs phone number?" "Yes I do, why?" "Can you call him and ask him did they have okra for dinner?" " No, I'm not doing 'this..." " Pradhanji!" "We are so close to our goal, please." "Please!" "Making friends with idiots only puts you through hell." "Hello, Fiamprasad, this is the Pradhan speaking." "Flannprasad, what did your son have 'for dinner last night?" "What did he say?" "Last night Arjun ate out." "Wasted my time you idiots!" "Do you know what I am doing, Pradhanji'?" "No." "I'm making 'the sound oi a crying cow in 'front oi Arjun's house." " How is that going 'to help?" " What?" "This will put the curse of performing a cow sacrifice on him." "Ii you do it once then the curse of 4000 cow slaughters will be on him." "And if you do this 25 times then the curse of 1,00,000 cow slaughters will fall upon him." " Will this destroy him?" " Yes it will." "(Chanting)" "Why do you sound so happy, like a cow that has won the lottery." "It's not possible 'to become a cow so quickly." "You don"t have 'to become a cow, just sound like one." "Do it with devotion." "(Chanting)" "(Chanting)" "Bheema, make the sound of a goat then a goat sacrifice curse will fall upon him." "(Chanting)" "Quickly, otherwise we'|| get caught." "(Chanting)" "Quick|y before someone catches us." "(Chanting)" " Shastri!" " Shastri, what has happened?" " Look Bheema, look at how he's jumping around." "Pradhanji, tell me what you can see." "The boy is acting like a mad man." "I told you!" "My mantras are working!" "Now, give me 100 rupees." "Give me a 100 rupee note, go on." "This boy has been destroyed." "Yes and now his entire family will be driven to insanity." " Ramprasad!" " Welcome!" "Hello." "Please accept this." "Hello Pradhanji." "I'm so glad you could come." "Thank you." "You didn't bring your wife along?" "She is unwell." "Please come in." "You must eat dinner before leaving." "Don't worry about us." "Please look after your other guests." "Shastri, don't take otherwise." "What happened?" " Your mantras have failed." " Why, what has happened?" "He means that they boy seems absolutely tine." "Neither crazy nor sick." "Just wait and watch." "We can't do anything but watch." " Where are 'the drinks?" "Where's dinner?" "Is food all you 'think about?" "I'm tense here and you are looking 'for dinner!" "What are you worried about?" "I can see there is nothing wrong with that boy." "Let's forget about 'the past and just eat." " Get out of my sight." " What'?" "Get out of my sight!" " Pradhanji you're making a big deal out oi nothing." " Can't you hear me?" "Pradhanji!" "I will shove this inside you." " Bheema, control him." " I'll do that 'for you, just calm down." " You 'too?" " Get out oi here!" "|'m going..." "Pradhanji you need..." "What are you doing Pradhanji'?" "What happened Pradhanji?" "What is it?" "Where has that boy disappeared?" "Wasn't he just here?" "Arjun, you shouldn't have left 'the wedding." "Then who would take care of you?" "Lajjo must be looking beautiful." "Yes, very pretty, do you want 'to see a photograph?" "Here you go." "Really, just like Aishwarya Rai." "Yes she does." "And me?" "Like Shahrukh Khan." "Shahrukh Khan?" " Please call 'the bride's brother." "Where 's Arjun?" "He's been gone since a while." "Narayan can you go and look for him?" "Drag 'the cad!" " He's become a threat 'to 'the women oi 'this village." "Imagine doing something so despicable." " You cad!" " Tie the scoundrel up!" "Sinner." "Uncle, did you get through?" "Did you'll find him?" "No we didn't, go look 'there." " What happened?" " I can't get 'through." " L'f her brother isn't here, call her cousin." "Narayan, you're like Lajjo's brother, why don"t you sit." "Yes, of course." " His phone is ringing." " Look for it." "Give it to me." " Take it out!" " Here Pradhanji." "He used these legs to run away that night." "Get the motorcycle and run it over him!" "Break his legs!" "Bring the motorcycle!" "His legs are broken." "Sualal'?" "Sualal, there are people gathering outside." "Let them!" "|'m not afraid of anyone." "Don't take otherwise." "|'m 10 + 2." "Yes, I agree but if the truth comes out it will bring disgrace to the family." "Think about what you will tell everyone." "Listen everybody!" "Your heads will hang in shame ii you'll know what he has done." "This boy... was being indecent with my buffalo, in the middle ot the night!" " I caught him red handed!" " What kind of indecent behaviour?" " What did he do?" " Hang on everyone." "What kind of indecent behaviour?" "He was... mraping my buffalo!" "He raped a buffalo!" " What kind of upbringing has he been given?" " Imagine raping a buffalo!" " No one is answering the phone." " No one will in the police station." " Call up 181- 181." "What's that?" "It's 'the government helpline number for any crimes against women." " But this is a buffalo." " Pradhanji, how dense of you!" "A 'buffalo' is female!" "That makes sense!" "Call them." "Sir, this is Bheem Singh speaking." ".Who?" "I've called on behalf of Tanakpufs village head, Mr. Sualal." " Tell me." "There's been a rape in our village." " What?" "A rape?" " Yes, somebody's been raped." " And who is the culprit?" "We've 'tied 'the rascal 'to a bullock cart." " And where is the victim?" " She's lying down in 'front oi me." " What is she doing there?" " She's lying down in 'the yard." " Why is she lying down in the yard?" " To sun bathe." " Who sunbathes after getting raped?" "Sualal asked us to put her there, so we did." " Is she properly covered?" "No, she's lying naked." " Naked?" "Are you all crazy?" " Put some clothes on her." " Okay sir." "Gopi!" "Get some bedsheets from the house!" "|'ve told them." "Can you please come quickly?" "The whole village has gathered." " We'll be there soon." "Meanwhile, cover 'the victim's face." "Her whole 'face?" " Of course!" "Her identity should be kept secret!" " The boy's 'father is here!" " Ii he'd gotten 'the son married first 'the boy wouldn't have gone after a buffalo." " Quiet!" "Don't judge him without hearing the whole story." "Look at what your son has done!" "This girl cannot be my daughter- in- law!" "Pack everything!" "Let's go!" "Mother!" "(Chanting)" "Invoke Lord Shiva..." "Say his name." "Are you all going to spend the day canoodling here?" "What were you doing?" "We were chanting tor this matter to get resolved." "To hell with your chants!" "Neither have the cops come nor has that helpline number worked." "Unless a man dies himself, he'|| never see heaven." " He looks like the Police Station Chief." " Why, is he wearing a sign?" "He will know." "Let me handle it." "Ask him!" "Sir, are you bathing?" "He's brushing his teeth." "No, I'm painting a picture oi nne bathing." "Why do you care?" "Where will we ﬁnd the police chief?" "He isn't here." "The toilet is 'there." "Read what's written." "Should I go find out?" "He isn't 'there." " He's taking a dump." " What!" "Why?" "Can't cops 'take a dump?" "No... cops take a dump all the time!" "What he really means is that it's a fundamental right to take a dump." "Sure, I get what you really mean." " But when I start getting really mean 'then all 'the meanings won't make a difference!" "Sir, you're applying 'the wrong meaning 'to my meanings..." "Don't take otherwise." " The police chief is an old friend of mine." " I'm 'the head oi Tanakpur village." " Give him your card." " This is my visiting card..." "There is no water in the toilet." "Oh there he is!" "Let's shake hands!" "Wait Pradhan, Let me at least wash my dirty hands!" "My Guru's advice was..." "'Always pay your respects 'to 'the first person you meet." ""When you exit 'the 'toilet.'" " Ask me why..." " Ask him why." " Why?" "Because you've just emptied your tummy, but 'this next person will refill it!" "What a thought!" "It's not 'funny!" "It's always been 'true 'for me." "Now I've nnet you outside, let's see how you are going 'to do it." "Hope I am worthy enough!" "Don't take me otherwise." "Let me decide who is worthy!" "What was your Guruji's name?" "Kantaprasad." "Come on, lefs talk." "What are you saying Pradhan?" "Don't just make up stories!" "ls it possible to rape a buffalo?" "Do you think the police are stupid?" "No, no." "Listen to us." "We aren't lying, I saw it with my own eyes." "So you have an eyewitness as well." "Exactly!" "So please register the case." "And what ii I don"t?" "Don't take me otherwise." "The thing is, 'the police superintendent, Mr. Trivedi is a good 'friend oi mine and..." "And Mr. Bidayak. .." "...and Bidayak, the local councilor is from my own community." "Otherwise I've been in 'the police 'force 'for 35 years." "Dropping names isn't going 'to get your work done." " What do you really want me to drop?" " How can I tell you what to drop?" "How about I drop something heavy in your lap!" "There's a lot more conning your way." "Since 'tinne imnnemorial, we've heard 'The cow is our mother'." "A young man, Arjun has been accused oi raping a 'mother' - 'this buffalo." "Right now, I'm at Ground Zero, and 'this is 'the victim." "As you can see the buffalo is feeling rather helpless and morose." "She is so ashamed that she can't even look people in 'the eye." "What we need to worry about is how low our society has fall..." "Let society go to hell!" "Get off the victim!" " Get out of here!" " Keep rolling!" "Vultures!" "Won't even spare 'this animal." "Pradhanji, ifs a good thing you covered her face because now with the slightest provocation women go on candle light marches to India Gate." "Poor thing..." "A victim of bad fate." "|t's so sad." "She's feeling so embarrassed." "Why is this vessel here?" "Pick up that vessel, ifs part of the evidence." "Should I 'take 'the dung 'too?" "Why don"t you do one thing collect all the dung from the village add some of your own and bring it to the police station." "You fool!" "Give me that stick." "How did a scrawny 'fellow like you climb such a big, black beast?" "Sir, my son is innocent." "So you are this fellows father?" "I know my son would never do something so low and cheap." "Your son didn't do anything low, my man." "In fact, he climbed on top of the buffalo." "No sir, my son isn't like that at all." "In fact, he has applied to the police force." "Oh!" "The buffalo cavalry unit!" "Your bad behaviour has started even beiore you've joined 'the police 'force?" "lfs because of people like you that the police force gets a bad name." "Will you continue this behaviour when you're in 'the police 'force?" "Then why would he do something like this?" "By 'then, he'll become a big man just like you." "Why will he continue fornicating with buffaloes?" "He will sleep with humans just like you do!" "Oh really!" "Ramveer, quick!" "File a report against the boy!" " Charged for raping a buffalo under Crimes Act 377." " Life imprisonment and a minimum of 10 years in jail." " Come Pradhanji and bring the eye witness along." "Lefs write the report." "Long live the Indian Police!" "Long live the Indian Police!" "Sualalji, ifs always a pleasure to visit your village." "Let's file 'the complaint first." "Tell me the name." "Sualaal..." "Sualal Gandaas." "Don't take otherwise." "Sualal. .." "Let him write." "Not your name, the victim's name." "Victim's?" " The victim." " The victim is a buffalo." "Simple question, what is 'the victim's name?" "You must have named her something..." "Rani, Rupa, Champa, Gulabo." "She won the animal fashion show, she became Miss Tanakpur." "Excellent!" "So we have 'the victim's name, Miss Tanakpur." "Miss Tanakpur." "Why don"t you shove your head further down." " Shastri stop behaving like a kid!" " Age?" " She should be around 7 or 8 years old." " 7 or 8 years old?" "Okay lefs settle on something in the middle, 7 and a half." " Does she give milk?" " Yes" " How much'?" " 20 "Hes" "What'?" "She gives 1O litres in 'the morning and 1O litres in 'the evening." " Then this is going to hamper your business." " Why?" " The buffalo will be in police custody from now on." " Why?" " How is that possible?" " It's necessary." "Until the police investigation is complete the victim must stay in police custody." "Complete the procedure and get the buffalo to the police station." " Yes sir." " And don"t 'take 'the veil off her face." "In the name of Lord Hanuman!" "In the name of Lord Shankar!" "In the name of Lord Krishna!" "From strength to strength!" "Giddyup!" "With limb to limb!" "Giddyup!" "I think two people should hold her horns two people should lift her legs and shift gears!" "You can't ride her in like your motorcycle!" " This way..." " That way... behind..." "She's out oi energy." "Give her a dose of Viagra." "Then she'll get on 'top oi anything a plane, a bus or a 'truck." "Old man, are you trying to apply your formulas to a buffalo?" "Quickly, let's get on with it." "There you go!" "She's climbing up!" "She's up!" " I've been married 7 years." "Ii I'd had a child I would have devoted nny life 'to it." "He couldn't perform his manly duty." "How could I have a child then?" "Then he comes home drunk every night and beats me." "That's when Arjun, 'the electrician fe|t sorry for me and he started caring about me." "I began to like that feeling." "But |ast night he left his sister's wedding just to give me medicines." "He hasn't done anything wrong." "He has sacrificed everything for me." "For that, these people are torturing him." "I don"t know what 'to do..." "Keep it straight and hold it here." "Tell me Doctor, what do we need to do?" "What do I say?" "There is no evidence that 'the boy has raped somebody." "How is that possible?" "Shastri is our eyewitness." "I don"t care who saw what 'there isn't a single piece oi evidence proving rape." "How can I make a report stating otherwise?" " You need evidence." " Of course I need evidence." "What are you doing?" "Just keep it, I'm going 'to go create some evidence." " Rambeer!" "Below the udders, there is a white spot." "A white spot'?" " How does this mark look?" " It looks like the map of Sri Lanka." "OK ﬁne." " Going ahead..." " Not ahead, behind..." "Red sprouts of hair, red like our police chiefs moustache." "Alright, next'?" "What is going on here?" "Sir, we were checking for evidence." "Hali 'the day is over and 'the report isn't ready yet?" "The vet isn't agreeing 'to write 'the report Sir." " To hell with 'the doctor!" "Where is he?" " There he is." "This drought stricken man is 'the doctor?" "You!" "Listen..." "Come here!" "Are you the veterinarian?" "Yes Sir." "Why aren't you making 'the report we've asked for?" "How can I make a report oi something that cannot actually happen?" " It is absolutely preposterous!" " Preposterous!" "This is the problem with these highly educated people!" "The medicines are imported, but the animals are local." "Clearly, you don"t know how 'the law works." "That is possible sir, but I know a lot about animals and that is why I'm telling you that it's not possible to rape a buffalo." "But I insist she's been raped!" " But you are mistaken." " Mistaken?" " Prove it!" " I'll prove it!" "Even if you touch a buffalo to apply medicine, she trembles." "Now watch." "You need 4- 5 people just to hold her down." "But you insist 'the boy raped her." "It's preposterous!" "Look Mr. Preposterous. .." "...it's because of people like you... mthat rape victims are reluctant to complain to the cops." "You insist she trembles." "Now why does she tremble?" "It's because she's 'tomatized (traumatized)." "Do you understand what 'tomatized is?" "Just go look at your face in the mirror." "The way your 'face looks like right now, 'that's what is known as 'tomatized'." "After a woman is raped do you know what she's feeling deep inside her heart?" "She's scared, even oi her own 'family, that somebody will attack her." "And this is just a mute buffalo." "So try and show some humanity towards this animal." "I understand what you are trying to say but I can't put my job on the line by making a false report." "Rambeer!" "File a report against this man right now!" "Find out how many animals have died in his hospital." "File an inquiry into each animaFs death and bring him to the police station." " But sir..." " And I'll file a report against you." "Doctor, why are you sacrificing your career for a buffalo?" " But..." "But nothing." "She's just a buffalo, ifs not like she is your wife." "Carefully..." "She's restless." "Gently, gently" "Okay Cowboy!" "There's only one way out 'for you now." "Sign this confession." "It's 'the only way you'll get a reduced sentence." "Come on, sign it." "Take it!" "Just do it!" "Should I box your ears?" "Bring the milk here." "Distribute the rest to the others." "In just one day she has brightened up the police station." "Everyone 's smiling ." "Let's celebrate!" "Make some ghee, buttermilk, butter." "Lord Krishna's birthday is conning up." "Share this with the others..." "Everybody quiet, ifs the Superintendent calling." "Jai Hind sir!" "Nlatang, what is 'this absurd case you've filed?" "Sir, the villagers came to the station with a witness and with them was Sualal, the village head." "He's 'the one who has gotten 'this report written." "But the case should make some sort of sense." " But sir, we become helpless in some situations." "Last time, with the Case of Eaten Goat Ears, I refused to ﬁle it... but you got furious." " Sualal was threatening to call the Minister." "Each one's a Scoundrel but you should have thought things through before tiling the case." "Sir, you've always said 'File 'the case first, 'the investigation will proceed on its own'." "And where is the buffalo?" "The buffalo is here at the police station." " What is she doing there?" "She's giving us milk." "1O ltrs. in 'the morning, 1O ltrs. in 'the evening." " That much'?" " She is a special buffalo." "She won 'the 1st prize at 'the animal 'fair." "She was crowned Miss Tanakpur." "Really?" " Would you like me 'to send some milk over?" "Mornings and evenings?" "No..." "Ok sir, I'll send it." "Jai Hind, Sir!" " ls Sir asking us to send him milk?" " No, we're sending him the buffalo!" " What happens 'to us?" " Nothing happens 'to us!" "That's all we get!" " In a country where even a buffalo isn't safe..." " ...how will a woman ever be safe here?" " We swear upon 'the buffalo!" " We'll overthrow 'the government!" " We swear upon 'the buffalo!" " We'll overthrow 'the government!" " We swear upon 'the buffalo!" " We'll overthrow 'the government!" " We swear upon 'the buffalo!" " We'll overthrow 'the government!" " Miss Tanakpur is having a baby!" " And Arjun is the father!" " Miss Tanakpur is having a baby!" " And Arjun is the father!" " Miss Tanakpur has become a mother!" "Don't pay attention to these people and their commotion." "Why don"t you eat something?" "Oh Godl!" "Pray here and you will win your case." "Bring us any disputes, any cases, we'll help you." " 50% discount on all disputes!" " You'd 'found out about hinn right?" "Then where is he?" " Here." "Pehelwan Uttan singh." " ls he the one?" "|'|| get him freed." "You'll need 'to check your pockets." "It'll cost you 10,000/- rupees." "10,000!" "Isn't that a lot oi money?" "Are you hiring a lawyer or buying vegetables?" "Looks like nowadays, hiring 1 lawyer is equal to rearing 10 elephants!" "Aunt you need to learn to control your tongue." "Sorry sir!" "She's a little cuckoo." "Little!" "She's completely crazy!" "This is 'the man who'll get your work done." "He's a government lawyer." "Don't worry he's a government employee on paper." "All his work is private." "Oh OK." "Sir...wha't about 'the court?" "The judge?" "Don't worry Pradhanji, 'the law isn't blind, it's cross- eyed." "It'll see only what you want it 'to see." "Understood!" " Look at him, Sir!" " He looks like an innocent man, gentle like the Holy Cow." " But he is not what he appears to be." "He is dangerous and devious, Sir!" "Devious!" "He is the devious one here!" " Sitting here like a saint!" "Be quiet..." "He has done nothing wrong!" "Who is this lady?" "She's Arjun's aunt." "Ma'am let them be... come here and tell me what you have to say but peacefully." " Tell him." " I'll 'tell you what I want later ﬁrst let me tell you about the Pradhan." "He is misborn." "One second." "What do you mean?" "Suppose say your father has died and your mother has come to my father..." ""and you come along, completely unwanted then you are considered misborn." "What is she saying?" "Aunty, keep quiet." "Sit down." " Silence!" " Silence!" "Silence!" "To freedom!" " What's going here!" "Please behave in 'the court!" " Please proceed with your argument." "What I was saying was we have taken the buffalo into custody." "We conducted medical examinations and this is the result." "It proves that the buffalo was raped." " And the boy has also submitted a written confession." " A confession?" "They forced him to sign it." " What is 'the date today?" " It's 'the 2nd Sir." " Quiet!" " He will remain in judicial custody until 16th August." "That's 'the way!" "Three cheers for right justice!" "Three cheers for right justice!" "So he'll get bail on 'the 16th." "You won't do anything, you didn't open your mouth in 'there." "You uttered a total of 3 sentences and for that, you want 10,000 rupees!" " A movie star would ask for less!" " Keep quiet aunt!" "Why don"t you get a movie star 'to fight your case, he'll be your lawyer." "Look, here's your 10,000 rupees." "I can't handle 'this case." "Why don"t you 'tell 'this old lady 'to fight 'the case?" "She'll lift 'the whole world 'to high heaven." "Sir, listen to me!" "Narayan be careful of him!" "These lawyers are bigger thieves than the police!" "Sir, please listen to me." "Sir!" "Sir!" "Sir, just tell me what I need to do." "What you need to do is arrange an additional 20,000 rupees." " 20,000 more!" " Yes." "Why?" "I need 'to shut 'the prosecution lawyer's mouth." " Please God, please do something." "Protect this house in these bad times." "Tornorow is Lord Krishna's birthday." "I vow to eat only once a day if you solve all these problems." "Hail Lord Krishna!" "Hail Lord Krishna!" "Hail Lord Krishna!" "Hail Lord Krishna!" "The next time anybody comes to this station... ﬁrst bring him to this temple, give him the offering and only then will we proceed with his case." "Hail Lord Krishna!" "Sir, yesterday Arjun's 'father jumped into 'the well." "He was in the water all night." "So get him out of the well." " Hail Lord Krishna!" " Everybody's tried, but it hasn't worked." "Can't you people even get a corpse out oi 'the water?" "Hail Lord Krishna!" "He's not dead!" "He was in 'the water all night and he hasn't died?" "He's been standing at 'the edge oi 'the water, stuck 'to 'the wall." "Idiot!" "Because oi you, I'll get a heart attack one day." "He hasn't jumped into 'the well, he has climbed down into it." "Switch the siren off!" "Where is he?" "Get out of there!" "Or should I come get you?" "You are ruining the festival mood!" " Only it you take back that false statement." " Otherwise I will kill myself." "Are you blackmailing me, you wimp?" "I'll put your whole family in jail." "Police chief, who are you threatening?" "Just try touching us..." "Listen ma'am don"t get upset, 'try and understand." "I'm 'trying 'to convince Flamprasad 'to come back up." "Ii he stays in there he will die." "How will that help?" "Even if he dies, the case will not be dismissed." "And ii he's stubborn there will be a death on a 'festive day." " I don"t have any 'faith in 'the police system." " Drop 'the case against Arjun and I'll come back up." "Or I'll kill myself!" "Are you Arjun's mother?" "Why don"t you 'try and convince hinn 'to come out?" "Or then offer him some food blessed by God." "What does he like?" " Rice pudding." " Quickly go and get him some rice pudding then." "Go quickly or he'|| die otherwise." "Go help her." "Hail Lord Krishna!" "Hail Lord Krishna!" "Hail Lord Krishna!" "Hail Lord Krishna!" " That took long." " Give it to me sir." "Send it down to him." "Eat the pudding and God will make everything all right." "I've gotten 'the food blessed by Lord Krishna." " Have it and you will be blessed." " Hail Lord Krishna!" " Hail Lord Krishna!" "Hail Lord Krishna!" "He's done, pull it up." "He's wiped 'the bowl clean." "Very good!" "Now send down the thick rope." "Now tie this rope around your waist and we'll pull you back up." "Your daughter, wife and sister are all here waiting for you." "Come up and feed them some rice pudding with your own hands." "Two, three men, come help." "Pull him up carefully!" "The rope shou|dn't snap!" " Hail Lord Krishna!" " Hail Lord Krishna!" " Hail Lord Krishna!" "Pull him up!" "We are ruined!" " Arjun." "Get up!" "We have to go to court!" " Stop staring at me!" "Come on!" " This boy has now been in jail since two months." "The thing that baffles me is why should a man who owns 3 buffaloes become crazy enough 'to leave his own sister's wedding jump a wall in the middle of the night, and rape somebody e|se's buffalo?" "What is the logic?" "sir," "I have an answer to this question." "Why does a man leave his own wife"" "...'to sleep with another man's wife?" "Tell me?" "What can I say?" "You were telling the story, so tell me." "This is no ordinary buffalo, this is Miss Tanakpur." " Long live Miss Tanakpur!" "Consider this." "However lovely a man's wife might be even if she is the most beautiful and admirable woman in the world if he gets a chance to sleep with Ms.|ndia wouldn"t he junnp at 'the opportunity?" "Of course he'|| go!" "How can I answer that?" "It's completely irrelevant 'to 'the case." "OK!" "This whole case rests on the victim, the buffalo." "So please present the buffalo at the next hearing." "The buffalo?" "_ _ Sir'?" "The buffalo?" "In court?" "Is it so difficult 'to do that?" "Sir..." "How will she come into 'the courtroom?" "The victim has to be present." "And we can sit outside for the proceedings." "What is the problem?" "No problem Sir." "Keep the next hearing on the (30th..." "OK Sir!" "...and until then the defendant, Arjun, is granted bail." "Nays/V!" " We'll now break 'for lunch." " Drive slowly!" " Relax Pradhan." " Careful of the pot holes!" " Don't go so 'fast!" " Calm down Pradhan!" "Gently!" "She 's fallen!" " He knocked her down!" " Oh Lord!" "What has he done!" "Pradhan!" "Stop yelling!" "What have you done!" "You've ruined me!" "Gobi!" "Call Bheema!" "I'm calling him." "Call the doctor!" "Why isn't Miss Tanakpur here as yet?" "She definitely has 2- 3 broken bones and it'll 'take minimum 15 days 'to heal. - 15 days!" " She will need a lot of care." " Did you hear that?" " I did, but you'll have 'to 'take care oi her." "Me?" "I'm not going 'to sit at 'the station all day!" "|'m 1O + 2." "Precisely, Mr. 1O + 2." "Please take her home." "Home?" "She's your buffalo, she'll feel better at her own honne." "Shastri, come here..." "Sir, one minute." "Let's 'take her 'to 'the police station." "What are you going 'to do with her there?" "Her leg is broken, she can't stand." "Look she's lying down." "So we can milk her while she's lying down." "Shut up!" "Who'll take care 0t her treatment?" "We don"t know how long she'll 'take 'to get better." "Did you understand?" "Our work here is done." "Okay, we are going, take care of her." "We'|| have to buy milk now." "In reality it's today that she has been truly violated." "Push the hearing to the 10th." "Narayan, stop the bike." "Stop!" "What happened?" "Maya!" "Where is my soap?" "The Inspector." "Good morning, Inspector!" " Have you reached the court with the buffalo?" "I'm ready, I'm leaving in 5 rnins." "Don't 'take otheruvise." " Be careful with her." " Take 'the long route, don"t knock her down again." "I'll die but won't let anything happen 'to that buffalo." "OK ﬁne." " Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" "Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" " Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" "We've done everything you stipulated, Sir." "Come this way..." " What is this?" "Why isn't her 'face covered?" " Sorry sir." "And you've covered up 'the person whose 'face should be seen." "Take that cloth off!" " How can you leave 'the victim's 'face uncovered inspector?" " Sorry sir." "Proceed with the hearing." " The buffalo has been brought here for your observation." "Now you can study her." " I have one request for you." "Please give this criminal the harshest punishment." " Sir, sir..." "Sorry sir." "Just a minute, sorry to disturb you." " There is a huge problem here." " What are you saying?" "This isn't 'the same buffalo, it's a different one." "What'?" "How can you say that?" " She isn't Miss Tanakpur." " A buffalo is a buffalo!" "How can you say that?" "How is a buffalo a buffalo?" " This is a question of a rape victim." " How do you know this?" "I am 100% sure, you can check her identification marks." " ls it true, Inspector?" " She is the same one sir." "With your permission can I take off her veil to show you the identification marks?" " Of course." "Please check." "Take off the cloth." "Fiamveer tell me her identification marks." " Yes Sir." "Her right horn protrudes out and then twists downward." "Out and then twists downward..." "Here look at that sir." "This?" "Yes?" " What do you mean by yes?" "You are looking at the left horn!" "Sorry sir." "And her horn is just hanging, it isn't twisting." "Hanging?" "Ramveer'?" "Sorry sir." "How did it start hanging?" "It was ﬁne until last night." "What have you done with the buffalo?" "What have I done?" "How many times have I told you not to meddle with her." "I say, just shut up!" " Move on..." "Next one, she has curly hair on her head." " This one is bald!" "How did 'the hair disappear suddenly?" "Did you shave her?" " Will you be quiet?" " He has dressed her up and brought her, Sir." "I say shut up!" "Read the next one." "There are crescent shaped marks above her eyes." "Matang Singh, do you see a crescent?" " No sir, I can't see any crescent." " Do you see any oi 'the marks?" "Do you 'think that I am a 'fool?" "Instead of the victim, you are presenting an impostor!" "Such a big fraud!" "What has happened is wrong, somebody has fooled us." "I say just shut up!" " Mr. Bhanwaringh, I want to see the real victim, is that clear to you?" " Yes Sir." " What yes Sir?" " Sorry sir." " Just shut up!" " Sorry sir." "Sorry sir!" "Please listen to the whole story, Sir." " Sir what is this?" " I'll ask 'the Pradhan." "Pradhan, where is the real buffalo?" "|'m 1O + 2." "She had become lame, so I sold her." "What are you saying?" "You sold 'the victim?" "Are you 'trying 'to 'fool 'the court?" "What difference would it make?" "We thought we'd present a better buffalo." "This one is more expensive." " She gives 25 ltrs. of milk." " What do I do with 25 ltrs. of milk?" "Who did you sell her to?" " Good afternoon sir!" " Forget the greetings." " Are you Jogna'?" " Yes sir!" "Did you buy a buffalo from Sualal'?" " Yes I did." " Where is it?" " Who?" " The buffalo!" "I sold her off." "Why did you buy her ii you were going 'to sell her?" "He tricked me and sold me that buffalo." "First oi all, she was injured." "To 'top it off she isn't producing milk." " How would she produce rnilk from 'the 'top?" " What?" " How would she produce..." " Just stop it." "Who did you sell her to?" "See all those buffaloes in the water?" "One of them is your Miss Tanakpur!" "How will we know which one is Miss Tanakpur'?" " You'll only know once they come out." " And when will they come out?" " They'll come out once they are ready 'to." "Do you want us to wait here till then?" "Go get her out!" "Once a buffalo enters the water not even her father can get her out!" "Don't be stubborn!" "Tell her 'the police is here!" "Sir, you don"t understand!" "Ii a buffalo was that smart, wouldn't she join 'the police 'force?" "Okay why don"t you get into 'the water, we'll give you some money." "No, I'm not going into that water." "Didn't you understand what Sir is saying?" "I did, but do you know what's in 'the water?" "The sewage from the whole village!" " Forgive me I can't do this." " Listen to me!" "Listen!" "Listen to us!" "We ' ll pay you!" " Rambeer..." "Rambeer..." "Rambeer..." "Yes." "Get into the water." " Me?" " Yes" "In school didn't you eat 'the dirt inside your nose over a 100 rupee bet?" "I was a kid then." "And now that you are older, take 500 rupees." "Come..." "Go jump in." "Quickly, take your clothes off." "But sir..." "Don't think about it too much." "But sir, how will I identify her'?" "I'll shout out 'the identification marks from here and you just need to check them." "First her horns, then her chest then her neck, her forehead then her udders." "But sir, how will I identify her udders under the water?" "I am sitting here to tell you!" "I'll keep telling you." "Come on, go." "Here, take off your hat." "Go confidently!" "Go in, no problem!" "Go in!" "Don't worry, I'll get you some rum later." "Her horns protrude outwards and then twist downwards." "Does she have hair on her head?" "This one is bald!" "Check the other one..." " Turn her around!" " It isn't 'this one!" "Oh no!" "This one's a bull!" " You'll have 'to come in sir, it's very difficult!" "I would have come in but I can feel a cold coming on." "You have a cold and I will get one, what do you want me to do?" "Why do I take so many bribes?" "Here, tie her here." "She was so happy in the water." "She refused to come out of that lake." "Scrub her till she shines!" "Scrub her!" "What have you done ma?" "You're making 'these garlands 'to offer God?" "What has God given you?" "He's sitting there deaf and blind, damning us to hell." "I was making them so that I could sell them." "At least I would make a few rupees." " I'd put so much effort into 'them!" "You've ruined everything!" "How long can we last like this?" "I would prefer death over this existence." "Hear all!" "Hear all!" "There is an announcement!" "At tomorrows village council meeting..." " Arjun Kumar and family are asked to present themselves!" " These are 'the Village Council's orders!" "Hear all!" "None oi the women from our village are permitted to go to the Sunday market." " No woman is allowed to wear jeans." " No woman is allowed to wear t- shirts." "No woman is to be seen in public with her head uncovered and if she does, she will face the same punishment as her." " Ii we don"t protect 'the modesty oi our women then who will'?" "Long live India!" "Hail the Motherland!" "Hail the Motherland!" "Hail the Motherland!" "OK." "Friends!" "And now the most important decision of today." "Regarding the Arjun Ramprasads indecent behaviour the police and the court are conducting their own investigation but this village council wi|| mete out its own punishment." "What are you doing?" "Settle down everyone!" "Wait... wait. Calm down." " The village council has decided... mthat Arjun will have to marry that buffalo." "What'?" "What is this nonsense?" "Quiet down boy!" "Quiet?" " What are..." "Shut up!" "Ii you disagree, 'then 'the village will boycott you and out off all your supplies!" "Maya Ma'am'?" "You ' re come here?" "What have you done Arjun?" "This is the Pradhan's plan to humiliate you, to ruin your life." "You won'f be able to show your face in society if you marry that buffalo." "Your job, your sister's marriage..." "everything will be at a standstill." "Everything3 at a standstill even now." "At least my family won't die of starvation." "Okay...'then I'll 'tell everyone 'the truth." "No Maya ma'am." "Society is willing 'to 'turn a blind eye 'to a man's indiscretions... but not 'to a woman's." "Arjun!" "No Arjun..." "The wedding of Miss Tanakpur and Arjun." "What is this?" "A buffalo marrying a man?" "Are you crazy?" "This is against 'the law!" "This can't happen!" "This is 'the village council's decision and it's decision is higher than that of the law." "The highest is the Supreme Court and 'the Supreme Court won't allow 'this." "The Supreme Court also says that, 'In India, food and water is everybody's fundamental right.' Here this is for you." "Pradhanji your Bheema is amazing." "He always manages to make me happy." "So can we take Miss Tanakpur'?" "Take her." " We promise to return her after the wedding." " Take her!" "Thank you." "Just remember one thing if anything happens to this buffalo |'|| ﬁrst lose my job and you'll all go 'to jail." "Don't worry, nothing is going 'to happen 'to anybody." "Let me check her horn." "It's correct." "Take her." " Come along Miss Tanakpur!" " The tempo is parked there." "Congratulations Pradhanji!" "Hope the wedding goes off well." "It will!" "Thank you!" "Listen to me carefully the right horn..." " Right." " Right horn goes out..." " and twists downwards..." " And twists behind..." "Not behind!" "Again..." "The right horn goes out and then twists downwards." "Just pay attention to that or 'they'll change 'the evidence and we will be caught with our pants down." "Right Sir!" "Come, lefs have some sweetmeats!" "Society only cares about how beautiful a woman looks." "Nobody cares about the ache in her heart." "Forgive me 'there is nothing that I can do." "I wish I could break the peg and run away." "But what can I do?" "I am as helpless as you are." "The bridegroom is here!" "Let's watch the wedding from up here." " Show us." " Pradhanji, here is the buffalo!" " She has been dressed up beautifully." "Bheema what is that on her leg?" "It's 'to hide her wound." "Remove it!" "It's ruining 'the entire look!" " Pradhanji you're bothered about her look..." " but I'm 'thinking about something else." "You are going to get her married." " But I promise, you'll be at a loss." " Why?" "I'll explain." "The boy is going to marry her, keep the buffalo and get her milk..." "What will you do then?" "Shastri...there you go speaking like a child." " How?" " Listen 'to me... waiter the wedding there has to be a send- off." "Only then will she go." "Listen to my plan." "The boy will go to jail and I will sell the buffalo." " Pradhanji say these things softly!" " Why?" "Even buffaloes have ears." "Buffaloes have ears!" " We have a poet here!" " He's right!" "Pradhanji..." "Are you a groom or a ghost?" "Why are you sneaking up on us?" "You sent 'for me?" "Stop your questions!" "Go hold 'the bufialo's 'tail 'for 'the ritual." "The 'tail?" "Another question?" "lfs to purify, Pradhanji." "You are going 'to be handicapped 'forever, you don"t matter." "Look at the kind of people God makes nowadays!" " Pick up her tail." "Bow down 'to 'the 'tail, don"t pull 'the 'tail up." "(Chanting)." " Say Jai Ma Kali!" "Jai Ma Kali." " Say I do!" " I do." "Let go of the tail." "There he is ready now." "Now next?" "Mr. Bridegroom..." " mare you turning her on already?" "Bheema, let the boy spend a few moments alone with his new bride." " Now you may kiss the bride." " What does that mean?" "Don't 'take otheruvise." "Let's go." "Stay away from her behind, she's been passing gas a lot 'these days." " He's such a useless fellow." "Join your hands!" "You're getting married now." "Not getting arrested!" "Take those flowers and throw them on the sweets." "This boy looks like a drug addict." "Throw some them here too." " Bheema get the bride." " Bheema bring her." "I'll just get her." "Feed her and make sure she takes a dump before she comes here." "Come on, Miss Tanakpur." "Pradhanji!" "Pradhanji!" " What has happened now?" "Pradhanji!" " Stop shouting!" " Come here!" "Atleast tell me the problem!" "What is it'?" "The peg has been broken!" " Where is the buffalo?" "The buffalo has disappeared!" "Where...." "Look..." "She's gone!" "Look 'for her at 'the back!" "Somebody go that side!" "Shastri!" " She has run away, keep the boy here!" " Run away?" " Was she having an affair with somebody else?" "That buffalo." "She'll send us 'to jail." "Look for her!" "Where did such a big buffalo disappear?" "The buffalo is missing!" "Pradhanji." "I don"t know who could have done 'this." "I can't understand anything." "Gopi, you should have kept an eye on her!" "Look there!" " First check where your wife is." " Where is Maya'?" "Maya hasn't gone anywhere, she is upstairs." "She 's upstairs?" "Then where the hell has the buffalo gone?" " Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" " Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" " Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" " Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" " Summons for Miss Tanakpur!" "The court kept summoning Miss Tanakpur but she never showed up." "The result:" "Inspector Matang Singh was suspended." "He looked 'for her in 'the depths oi that lake, but he couldn't find her." "He did everything to save himself and his job." "He testified against Sualal, Bheema and Shastri." "We have heard that Shastri is chanting the Mahamrityunjay for their freedom." "Arjun was saved by the skin of his teeth but many innocent people like Arjun are still in jail." "Even today, lakhs of false cases are registered in the Indian courts."