" Hi, is this Lina Warbler?" " Yes." "This is Ethan Hass." "Who?" "Ethan Haas." "I was in third grade with you and your sister." "I don't know if you remember me." "No." "Uh, brown hair." "Kind of funny." "Um, about 4'2"." "I" " I'm sorry." "I" " I'm sort of in the middle of something with my boyfriend." "Okay, so..." "where were we?" "Oh, right." "Oh, my God!" "Trying to put together a surprise party for my fiancée with everyone from our third grade class." "If you can come, it'd be great." "I gotta say, while parties normally bum me out, this one sounds particularly creepy." "I know it's kind of weird, but it's the 20th anniversary of the day I met my fiancée." "Uh, Joanne Richman?" "She was also in our class." " It's kind of a cute story." " I love cute stories." "I hadn't seen Joanne since third grade, then last year, I was at a medical conference, and I see this amazing woman across the room." "Turns out, we're both pediatricians, we both have Golden Retrievers, and our birthdays are one day apart." "Wow." "You know, it is funny." "I have no recollection of either you or Joanne, but you really sound like people I would hate." "Hello?" "Duncan, hi." "This is Ethan Haas." " From third grade?" " Yeah!" "Hey, man." "How you doing?" " Hello?" " I got it, Mom." " Who is it?" " I said it's for me." " Maybe it's someone I know." " You don't." "You don't know everyone I know." "Oh, my God." "Now don't you take that tone- If you don't hang up, I swear" "Not if you're going to live- ... relief from the sound of your voice." "...Regis and Kelly with special guest star John Travolta where he dances with Kelly." "I didn't tape over it." "I just switched tapes." "Oh." "Uh..." "So what's up, man?" "Hello." "Who?" "Oh..." "When is it?" "Wow." "Cheating on you in your own bed." "Yeah." "Oh, I hate him." "And yet, I admire him." " Anyway, did you get a call from some guy..." " Oh, from third grade?" "Yeah." "It was really, really weird." "He kept, like, naming all these people we were in school with." "I don't know, I couldn't remember one of them." "Like who?" "Uh..." "Kyle?" "Kyle something?" "Kyle Lendo?" "Kyle Lendo's gonna be there?" "I was totally in love with Kyle Lendo." "Well, look at you." "What happened to the girl who got dumped last night?" "You mean Mrs. Kyle Lendo?" "What?" "He could still be single." "Did that sweater make me look fat tonight?" "Little bit." "This is the number where we're gonna be." "This is my cell phone, this is my husband's cell phone." "Oprah!" "Oprah, Mommy has to go." "Sweetie, Mommy has to leave now." "She and Daddy are going to a party with people Mommy went to school with." "Why?" "Because... there's a boy who did something very mean to Mommy, and she has to show him how wonderfully her life turned out." "Don't judge people, Samantha." "You're only in seventh grade." "You have no idea the crap that's gonna happen to you." " Where are you going?" " A party." "Where?" "Oh, my God, just once I only asked one question" "I'd like to leave this house without getting a Gestapo-kind-of" "I just wanna know if you're gonna be near a store so you can pick up some cranapple juice." "Sure." "Anything else?" " Maybe a coffee cake." " No problem." "Can I just point out this is your last chance to take off that hat?" "I think Kyle will like it." "It is jaunty." "Ah, it's even ugly from the back." "Welcome." "I'm Ethan." "Oh." "I-I'm Lina, and-and this is my sister, Kat." "Oh, after our call, I assumed you weren't coming." "The deal is we can leave in 20 minutes if it sucks." "You're just a big bag of sunshine, aren't ya?" "Shall we?" "Oh, my God, there's Kyle Lendo." "You have got to go to St. Kitts." "My partner Aaron and I went there." "Oh, my God, it was fantastic." "Wow." "Rough day for Mrs. Kyle Lendo." " Hey, man!" " Hey, uh..." "Duncan." " Yeah!" " Yeah." " It's good to see you." " Oh, ye You too." " How you been?" " Excellent." "Excellent." "You?" " Good, good." "Couldn't be better." " Really." "Really?" "Then, no." "The last couple of years have..." "pretty much been a living hell." " Oh." "Sorry." " It's all gonna get better." "Oh, there you go." "I don't know why I say things like that." "It's not." "Oh, my God." "Is that Nicole?" "Uh-huh." " Aw, she looks" " Yeah." " Oh, she brought her dad." " Husband." "Dad's younger." "It's Yonk Allen." " Used to play for the Eagles." " I never followed music." " It's a football team." " Or sports." "Can you believe that I broke up with her?" "Moments like this, I want to kill myself." "We should talk." " Hello, Kyle." " Holly!" "Hi!" "How've you been?" "Uh-you've" " Really good." "You?" "Oh, even better." "Yeah." "Well, you-you look great." "Mm-hmm." "I watch you on TV all the time." ""Holly Ellenbogen:" "Action News. "" "It's not Action News." "No?" ""Holly Ellenbogen- Some Other Kind of News. "" "So." "It's been a while." "Yeah." "Yeah, it has." "Not since..." "I want to say prom night." "Really?" "Has it been that long?" "Oh, you know, it's funny." "What's that?" "I just wonder what I'm gonna tell my daughter when she's in high school and she asks me," ""Mommy, what was your prom like?"" "I guess I'll just say, Well, sweetie, I went with this very cute boy who was a wonderful dancer." "And then we went to a party at your Aunt Marcie's house." "And later that night, I walked into her bedroom, and there he was." "With this other boy from our Spanish class." "Doing all the things" "I was finally prepared to do with him." "Rrrah!" "Um, look." "Holly, I" " I am so sorry." "I" " I have felt bad about this for ten years." "In fact, the only reason I came to this thing tonight was that I hoped you'd be here so I could tell you that." "Well." "Thank you." "That actually means a lot." "Sorry." "Are you okay?" "Mm-hmm." "I'm free!" "And-and things really are going well?" "Oh, yeah, they really are." "I married just the greatest guy." "And now you get to meet him." "Perry!" "Sweetie, over here." "I'm so sorry I'm late." "Oh, my God, the traffic was vicious." "Kyle, this is my husband, Perry Pearl." "Hi." "Sweetie, this is Kyle Lendo." "Kyle and I dated in high school." " Well, uh..." " Ooh, my competition." "Back off, mister!" "Shh, here she comes." "Surprise!" "Considering that I don't know any of you, yes, it is." "Okay, so today happens to be the 20th anniversary of the first day of third grade, which means it's also the 20th anniversary of the day we met." "So to commemorate the most important day of my life," "I got as many people from our class as I could." "I got the actual cook from the school cafeteria to make us fish sticks and Sloppy Joes." "I even tracked down Mrs. Klinger." "FYI, if you want some vodka, get it now." "And, uh... here is... a first edition of Charlotte's Web, which I believe was your favorite book from that year." "Can I see you for a moment?" "Excuse us." "I can't take it anymore." "I know you love me, I do, but I am drowning in it." "Sweetie, I think we" "Shh!" "Who does this?" "It's like..." "On our birthdays, I got you a sweater." "You had a plane skywriting for me" "Seriously, this just" "Shh!" "And it's not just the big days." "It's every day." "Cute little notes under my pillow." "And in the refrigerator." "And in my diaphragm case." "Oh, I" "It is too much." "And I don't think there is a woman in the world who would disagree with me!" "God, I would." " Excuse me?" " Oh, but..." "I" " I'm sorry." "It's-but" " Everything you just said sounded really, really nice." "I mean, seriously, if I had someone doing amazing, travagant things for me every day, I" " I think I'd just shut up." "I mean, you call these problems?" ""Oh, it's horrible." "Someone wrote in the sky for me. "" "I'd kill to find a little note in my diaphragm case." "Oh..." "But that's just me." "Then maybe he should be with you." "No, Joanne." "Joanne, wait." "Wait." "This is the best party ever." " Nice speech." " It was horrible." "I thought it was great." "Oh, happy people complaining." "No, they deserve to be yelled at." "I'm Richie." "Lina." "No, I know." "Um" " You sat in front of me in Ms. Klinger's class, but then in fourth grade you were gone." "We transferred to private school." "After Kat was expelled for telling Mr. Dubin he looked like a penis." "He did, he kinda looked like a penis." "Yeah, and the turtlenecks didn't help." "I like your hat." "Are-are you making fun of me?" "'Cause I don't think I could handle" "No, I like it." "It's, um... jaunty." "Hey." "Couldn't have looked like crap just a little, huh?" "Come here." "And... you're married." "I know." "I keep looking down at my hand like, "What the hell?"" "And, um... you're living in a big house out in Gladwynne now?" "It's crazy." "It's got nine bathrooms." "Really?" "Does he have a problem?" "No, that's just how big the house is." "Oh." "Gotcha." "So, where are you living now?" "I'm still in Narberth." " Oh, where?" " Oh, uh..." "Montgomery Street." "Doesn't your mom live..." "Oh." "Yeah." "People are kind of afraid to come in here and get their coats." "So..." "I volunteered." "Yeah, coats." "Sure." "She gave me back my grandmother's ring." "Sorry." "Everything was so right." "I mean, did I tell you our birthdays are one day apart?" "Yeah, yeah, but I gotta say-a" "My birthday is the same day as that Son of Sam guy." "It's not really enough to build a relationship on." "Well, it wasn't just that." "When we met, it was like fate brought us together." "Now what's it doing?" "I'm not a big believer in fate." "Yeah, well, I hate fate." "Oh, let's not make it mad, though." "I can't believe this." "I'm gonna take the car to go get some coffee with this guy." "What?" "I'll be back soon." "He's really, reay nice." "And he likes my hat." "Okay." " So, you're happy." " Me?" "Oh, yeah." "It's all good." "I mean, Yonk's a lot older, so we're into different stuff, and-and we have different friends." "And he's away a lot, promoting the Yonk Allen Barbeque Grill." "Okay." "But, I mean, how cool is it?" "I'm married to Yonk Allen." "It's-it's awesome." "Yeah, I mean, he was a huge football star, so, you know, he... got hit in the head a lot." "But he takes really good care of me, and he's very sweet." "Sometimes mean, but-but mostly sweet." "Well, yeah, that's - that's just like your dad." " Yes." " Yes." "Hey, babe." "Time to go to the airport." "I'll be right there." "So, anyway..." "It's really great to see you again." "Yeah." "Yeah, you too." "Then..." "You're happy?" "Yeah." "Like you said, It's all good." "It's just... kinda hard knowing that I'm not even 30, and the greatest thing that will ever happen to me already happened." "You take care of yourself, okay?" "Am I... the best thing that's ever happened to you?" "Baby, come on." "'Course you are." " Really?" " Sure." "You're not counting playing in the Super Bowl." "I mean, come on." "It's the Super Bowl." "But you're definitely number two." "Oh, wait." "There's that million-dollar check I got for putting my name on that stupid barbeque grill." "That didn't suck." "So it goes Super Bowl, big check, then you." "Dinner at the White House..." "When I was planning this party, I kept looking at these kids." "And they're all smiling, and happy, and hopeful, and..." "I kept thinking, "How many of these kids are happy today?"" "I would say... all the ones who didn't come to this party." "I'm serious." "There were 28 of us in the class." "How many of us are already, like, stuck in lousy jobs, or bad marriages?" "How many of us have already made that one big dumb choice we'll never really recover from?" "Of all those smiling kids, how many are still smiling?" "I mean, back then we just assumed that everything would work out." "How many of us are going to end up in a good place, without messing it up along the way?" "And I just felt really good, 'cause, like..." "I was one of the happy ones." "I had found Joanne." "And what do you do when you lose the person you were meant to be with?" "Just so I know, um..." "How long are you gonna wallow?" "She left me an hour ago." "I was thinking maybe an hour and ten minutes?" "Dude, you have got to stop thinking about her as the person you were meant to be with." "In fact, just stop thinking about her as a person." "For a while, she is just that selfish, hurtful whore." "Well, I'll give you selfish and hurtful." "Oh, give me whore, too!" "Come on." "She just dumped you in front of 20 strangers at a party that you threw for her." "I think we can trade up." "I guess." "I just can't even imagine being with anyone else." "I know." "I do." "It hurts, but..." "I have totally forgotten your name." "I'm sorry I have to go, but I need to pick up my sister." "It's all right." "We can, uh, do this again." "Really?" "Yeah, sure." "And not just for coffee." "Next time, there may be pie." "Oh, wow." "I love pie." "I was just kidding, but so do I." "Oh." "So, um, anyway, uh..." "Night." "Good night." "Bye." "Hello?" "Hey, it's me." "Um, hi." "Is it okay that I miss you already?" "It's very okay." "I has such a nice time tonight." "Can I tell you something?" "I'm coming out of a... pretty dark time in my life right now." "You are?" "Why?" "It's-it's just been, like, everything that, like, could go wrong has... gone wrong." "And I almost... didn't make it to this party tonight, but I'm-I'm so glad that I did." "You're, like, the, uh- the first good thing that's happened in my life in the last two years." "I am?" "You are like this amazing, shining, positive" "Lina?" "Lina?" "Hello?" "Hey." "What are you doing here?" "What" "Good enough." "Um, I don't know what this is." "I don't care." "Nicole?" "Hi, Mrs. Carmello." "How have you been?" "Mom" "What, I can't ask a question?" "Not tonight." "It's nice to see you again, dear." "Should I set out extra towels?" "I don't know!"