"You guys, thank you so much for coming to "'" with me." " Wasn't it great?" " Sonny, it's a kiddie show." "We were the only people in the audience." "Who weren't dressed by our mommies." "This was even too childish for me." "And I think you know I'm pretty childish." "Yeah, he's like a little boy." "You know what?" "You don't understand." "I used to live my life by pauly's pledges." "Always respect your parents." "Always keep a promise." "Ooh, like the fact that you promised." "To pay us $10 for coming to this stupid show with you?" " Uh-huh." " Pay up." "Right." "Here's your money." " Oh hi, Mr. Condor." " Terri." "Actually, my name's Tawni." "My first wife's name is Tawni so I'm calling you terri." "Then terri it is." "Nice to see my stars." "Supporting the newest members of the condor studio family." " Hey, pauly." " Hi, Mr. Condor!" "Aw, I love that bear." "Oh oh!" "There's... there's..." "Sonny, it's not a Jonas." "It's just some guy in a bear suit." "La la la la la la la la la!" "Look, just girl up and go talk to him." "I..." "I can't." "I'm too nervous." "Pauly means everything to me." "I used to watch him every single day as a kid." "All right." "Well, just relax." "We'll all go with you to pauly's dressing room." "And we'll introduce you to your childhood hero." " You guys would do that?" " Yeah." "For another 10 bucks." " You guys are the best." " Uh-huh." "Stop it." "Okay, you can keep your money." "Just don't make me go in there." " Hey, look!" " What?" "♪ off to the races, I'm going places ♪" "♪ might be a long shot, not gonna waste it ♪" "♪ this is the big break and it's calling my name ♪" "♪ yeah ♪" "♪ so far, so great, get with it ♪" "♪ at least that's how I see it ♪" "♪ having a dream is just the beginning ♪" "♪ so far, so great, believe it ♪" "♪ can't take away this feeling ♪" "♪ taking a ride, chance on my side ♪" "♪ yeah, I can't wait ♪" "♪ so far, so great, so far, so great ♪" "♪ ba ba da da-da, ba da da da-da ♪" "♪ ba ba da da-da, ba da da da-da ♪" "♪ yow!" "♪." "You can keep your money." "Just don't make me go in there." " Hey, look!" " What?" "Hi." "Well, hello there." "So where's my little pauly pal." "Who wants pauly's pawtograph?" "Actually, that would be me." "So there's nobody here over age six." "With a cell phone or any kind of recording device?" "Nope." "Just me." "Oh, finally!" "Gah!" "There's a person in there!" "Hi." "I'm Hank." "La la la la la la la la la!" "You've got to be kidding me." "Aren't you a little old for this?" "Is anybody ever too old for pauly?" "Yeah, me." "Never thought this gig would last 25 years." "You're not gonna leave till I sign your photo, are you?" " Fine." "What's your..." " My name is Sonny." "Dear Sonny," "Pauly loves you beary beary much." "Rainbow, smiley faces." "Blah blah blah blah blah and a paw print." "I imagined this moment much differently." "I think somebody's forgetting pauly pledge #17..." "We're done here!" "No." "Wait." "Pauly pledge #17 is:" "Mind your peas and carrots." "You're a regular superfan." "Wow." "Yeah, you have no idea." "In fact, um," "Can I just ask you for one more thing?" "And then I promise I'll go." "Look at me." "I'm pauly!" "You know, I would've let you do this for five." "♪ p is for patience ♪" "♪ a is for a-okay!" "♪" " ♪ u is for... ♪" " You are disturbingly good at that." "You'd make an excellent pauly." " Really?" " In fact, how would you like to be pauly." "And give your friend Hank a chance to spend." " His ten-spot." " Oh my gosh!" "Oh my gosh!" "Oh my gosh!" "Oh my gosh, I can't." "I've got plans with my boyfriend tomorrow." "All right, out of the suit." " Come on, out of the suit." " What?" "No." "No." "Mine." "No no." "I'll do it." "Congratulations." "Consider yourself." "A bear." "I feel like I'm being crowned the queen of the north pole." "Wow." "North pole kind of smells like a High School gym." "Anyways, I just need to push back our date for an hour." "Happy seven-weekiversary." "Oh, just be happy for me." "Hello, class." "Hello, Ms. Bitterman." "Did everyone read the nine chapters." "On American history?" " Up all night." " Yes." "Well, good for you." " We're not doing that." " The one time I read." "Instead we're going to be having a little pop quiz." "A certain red-headed lady." "Has a gentleman caller." "That makes her feel like she's 39 again." "This is about to get weird." "How long should this wonderful independent spirit wait." "Before introducing this man to her." "Cat?" "And there's the weird." "Don't tell me you're getting ready." "To introduce him to Dr. Mittens." "And there's the weirdest." "How do you know so much about her cat?" "I'm a listener." "Ooh." "Dr. Mittens." "This is serious." "Sounds like it's time for Dr. Mittens and your gentleman caller to meet." "You're right!" "No you're not." "What if he's not ready?" "No, this is too risky." "It's too risky!" "Come on." "He's a grown man." "I'm talking about Dr. Mittens!" "He's been hurt before and he's no spring kitten." "His life's not perfect." "Like my sister who married a dentist." "And has a pool that's not made out of plastic." "And sits in the front yard." "I never thought I'd say this, but can we please study now?" "Oh, look at all the pauly pals!" "This is gonna be so great." "Here's your head." "Break a paw." " I'm out of here." " Thanks." "Oh, don't forget" "I have a date with my boyfriend in one hour." " To celebrate..." " I know, I know." "Young love." "It's beautiful." "Hank." "What are you doing?" "There's a line of kids out there waiting to see you." "And I can't wait to meet them, Mr. Condor." "That's the spirit you're contractually obligated to have!" "Have fun!" "Hey, kids, who's ready to meet pauly the polar bear?" "Hello, all my pauly pals!" "Ahh!" "Oh, look at that!" "Pauly's being smothered with love." "Dude, how you gonna call a time out?" " Oh, you know how I do." " What?" "!" "Flowers?" "Oh dude, you shouldn't have." "Oh!" "Dude, I didn't." "They're for sunny." "It's our seven-weekiversary." "I'm taking her to Chez schwerman." " And yet she's not here." " Hmm." "Blow off!" " Impossible." " Blow off..." "Denial!" "Dude, you might want to sit down because you've been stood up." "You guys don't know what you're talking about." "Then again, you do get blown off by girls all the time." "Not true." "I don't even get that far." "Well, I do." "And this has all the signs." "Of a girl losing interest in you." "It happens in stages." "Stage one:" "You're blown off." "Stage two:" "They stop answering your phone calls." " Mm-hmm." " Or so I've been told." " Well, I told you that." " Yeah, you did." "No cell phones at the meet and greet." "Which is why pauly is turning it off." "Voicemail." " How many rings?" " Two." "Ooh." " Two means she heard it..." " Saw who it was..." " Thought about it..." " And turned the phone off." "Because she's not..." "Interested." "I can't believe this." " Join us, Chad." " Yes, Chad." "Join us." "Join the dateless world of online gaming." " No, never." " Oh!" "Here's your pawtograph, little girl." "Where's Hank?" "Hey kids, who wants to see pauly dislocate his shoulder?" "Yay!" "It doesn't even hurt." "Ooh ooh, my arm's made of rubber." "Hello?" "I'm missing my anniversary?" "Where are you?" "Well, I'll tell you where I'm not..." "In a wet bear suit." "When are you coming back?" "Oh, probably about, uh, never!" "What?" "!" "So let me get this straight..." "Hey, Mr. Condor, I have to ask you something." "Just a sec, pauly." "I'm talking to my pal pepe here." " Oh." " So you filled in for your friend." "While his wife had a baby?" "Oh, isn't friendship just a wonderful thing?" "Yes it is." "You're fired, your friend is fired," "And when the baby turns 18, the baby is fired." "Nobody fills in for anyone here." "Without checking with me first." "Now why don't you just March your little happy feet." "Down to the unemployment office?" " What do you want?" " Huh?" "Oh." "Uh, yeah, I was just wondering." "If you wanted to go in on a baby gift." "For pepe's friend..." "But I guess not." "You've got five minutes." "Then I want you back out there with the kids." "Hi, hanky-wanky." "Oh ho ho." "I'm not hanky-wanky." "I'm pauly-wauly." "Ooh, I like this game." "You know what?" "Pauly finds this game a little uncomfortable." "Oh, I know you're at work," "But I couldn't wait any longer." "I brought someone special by." "To meet the other furry guy in my life." "Okay, you sneezed." "That doesn't necessarily mean you're allergic." "It must just be dusty in that head." " Oh!" "Sonny!" " Sorry." "Oh." "Well, this is embarrassing." "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Ms. Bitterman." "I'm not talking about me." "I'm talking about you." "I'm just introducing a cat to a polar bear." "Nothing weird about that." "Where's Hank?" "Wait." "Hank is the Hank." "In the hanky-wanky?" "And he had an appointment." "With Dr. Mittens, which clearly, he's chosen not to keep." "This is a cat-tastrophe." "I just hate my life." "Five minutes are up." "Let's go!" "I'm on my way." "I hate my life." "Wait wait wait." "No." "She's coming." "She's coming. 'S traffic and wardrobe problems." "No show!" "Worse than we thought." " Dating an imaginary woman." " Oh, been there." "Hey hey!" "You're wrong and you're..." "you're weird." "You both have to leave." "I'm on a date." " Go." " Are you, Chad?" "Are you really?" "See, I'm  not an expert at these things," "But I believe a date involves two people." "In a romantical situation." "I can't believe this." "This isn't traffic." "There's no wardrobe problems." "I've been stood up." "There's a way to make the pain go away, Chad." "Join us." "Yes, Chad." "Join us." "You could be player three." "Three." " Shiny." " I can see myself." " Touch it." " Ah!" "Never!" "Oh hey, Chad, can we have your salad?" "Ah!" "What are you doing here?" "Uh, I'm not turning my essay in late," "If that's what you're asking." " What are you doing here?" " I'm not sitting here weeping in the dark." "Over my disastrous love life, if that's what you're implying." "No." "I meant why are you here petting a cat carrier?" "Why should Dr. Mittens enjoy human touch." "If I can't?" "Hanky-nky ran away." "And he'll come back another day?" "I'm sorry." "I don't know that nursery rhyme." "I think I scared him off." "Wanting him to meet Dr. Mittens." "Oh, you've got to help me!" "Well, I'm not quite sure what I can do." "There's a "c" in it for you." "Make it a "c+"" "And you got yourself a hanky-wanky." "Shut up, mittens!" "You've got nine lives!" "Let me have one!" "Okay." "Here you go." "Pauly's last autograph for the day." "I think I've got pawthritis." " Pauly?" " Mr. Condor?" "Pauly, before you leave, there's one more kid you've got to see." "But pauly's supposed to be off the clock now." "Just do it." " Hi, pauly." " Oh boy." "I've been a fan of yours forever." " Seriously?" " Yeah, I know what you're thinking." ""Chad's cool." "Chad plays by his own rules." " Chad's awesome."" " Is this going somewhere?" "Why don't we sit down and talk about it?" " Yeah, no, I can't really..." " No, really, it's fine." " I got to go to the little bear's room." " Sit on down." "You can hold it." "Ooh, did someone just spill something on your lap?" "Not just somebody..." "everybody." " Yeah, are we done here?" " No, let's get back to me." "Well, when I was a kid and I was having a problem" "I would always think, what would pauly do?" "Don't you have someone else you can ask?" "Somebody human?" " Possibly a girlfriend?" " That's the problem, pauly." "Today's our seven-weekiversary and she totally blew me off." "I don't think she wants to see me anymore." " That's not true." " I think it is." "I don't know what to do." "Ah!" "Sonny!" "Whoa." "No it's not." "Uh, all that stuff I told you, I was kidding." "Of course you were." "Stop that." "Why are you in that suit?" "Chad, I'm so sorry." "I promised the guy that I'd be pauly for an hour." "And then he never came back." "So now I'm stuck in this suit being pauly." "And I smell like the inside of a man's sock." "Well, that's a relief." "Nico and Grady had me convinced." "That you weren't into me anymore." "You were taking girl advice from Nico and Grady?" "It's called hitting rock bottom, Sonny." "Aww, that's the saddest and sweetest thing I've ever heard." "Almost as sad and sweet as you coming to pauly." "For advice on our relationship." "I knew it was you in there." "You know what?" "Hank needs to be in here." "Whenever there's a little girl or boy in need or..." "Or a big boy..." " Stop that." "..." "Pauly needs to be there." "We're spending our anniversary tracking down that jerk, aren't we?" "Yeah." "We need to find a way to get me out of this costume," "Hank back into this costume." "And this is gonna require you being in a different costume." "What?" "Never question pauly." "You are disturbingly good at that." "I know." "I like this place, Carl." "Finally people in costumes making my dreams come true." " You!" " You?" "How'd you find me?" "I found this in pauly's pocket." "Along with a deck of cards." "And a human tooth." "Cards aren't mine." "Hank, you can't quit being pauly." "Think of the kids." "I am." "That's why I quit." "Now scram." "You're harshing my smoothie." "But you can't quit being pauly." "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have dropped out of school." "To become Harry the hot dog." "See, Hank, you don't just inspire kids." "Apparently, I also inspire bad life decisions." "I bet your parents are very proud." "I think you should leave my parents out of this." "Um, Harry," "Remember why you're here..." "To tell Hank how much pauly means to you." "Not until he apologizes for bringing my parents into this." "Beat it, meathead, unless you want a swift kick in the bun." "You know what?" "That's not very paulylike." "Yeah, but it's very hanklike." "You picked the wrong fight." "And the wrong smoothie, hot bun boy." "Bring it, 'cause this dog is steamed!" " Come on, bring it!" " You guys!" "You guys need to back up, back up!" "All right?" "Stop it, stop it, Chad!" "You know this beef stick?" "Yeah, this beef stick here is my boyfriend." "We're spending our anniversary." "Trying to remind you of how important pauly is." "Aw, you're real romantic, aren't you?" "Bet you got that from your parents," "Maybe your daddy, Chaddy." "Do not bring dad Dylan Cooper into this!" "It doesn't matter what we're doing." "The important thing is that we're doing it together." "Like pauly pledge 14 says:" "You're never alone." "Aww." "Wow." "You kids really take this stuff seriously." "Not just us." "Millions of other kids do too." "I forgot how much this pauly stuff means to people." "So you'll go back to being pauly?" "Yeah, I guess being a big furry toilet's tough," "But it's a living." "Besides the kids need me." "They're not the only ones." "Go ahead, Ms. Bitterman." "Give me my "c+" and go get your man." " Oh, Hank." " Joy, I'm so glad you're here." "These kids made me realize I don't want to be alone." "Is that Dr. Mittens in there?" "Are you ready to meet him?" "Let's take this to the next level, baby." "Come on, Dr. Mittens." "There's someone I want you to meet." "Yeah, I don't think this is gonna work out." "But I think this will." "Uh, this isn't gonna affect my grade, is it?" "Hard to believe this is our seventh week." "Feels just like our fifth." "Aw, in here?" " No, in here." " Me too." "You feeling what I'm feeling?" "Gas station Sushi all over again." "Been looking all over for this." "No no no no no!" "Oh." "Oh boy."