"THE LONG AND THE SHORT AND THE TALL" "♪ Bless 'em all ♪" "♪ Bless 'em all ♪" "♪ The long and the short ♪ ♪ and the tall ♪" "♪ Bless all the sergeants ♪ ♪ and WO1s ♪" "♪ Bless all the corporals ♪ ♪ and their blinking' sons ♪" "♪ 'Cause we're saying ♪ ♪ goodbye to them all ♪" "♪ And back to their billets ♪ ♪ they crawl ♪" "♪ You'll get no promotion ♪ ♪ this side of the ocean ♪" "♪ So cheer up, my lads, ♪ ♪ bless 'em all ♪" "♪ The long and the short ♪ ♪ and the tall ♪" "♪ Bless all the sergeants ♪ ♪ and WO1s ♪" "♪ Bless all the corporals ♪ ♪ and their blinking' sons ♪" "♪ 'Cause we're saying ♪ ♪ goodbye to them all ♪" "♪ And back to their billets ♪ ♪ they crawl ♪" "♪ You'll get no promotion ♪ ♪ this side of the ocean ♪" "♪ So cheer up, my lads, ♪ ♪ bless 'em all ♪" " Hear that, Sarge?" " Yeah." "It sounds as if they're moving 'round our position." "You can hear 'em a mile off." "Quiet." "It's hopeless." "Bloody hopeless." "Come on, Mitch." "Let's pack it in and get out of here." "Wait." " How did it sound, Sarge?" " Lousy." "We're supposed to be trying to confuse them, MacLeish, not deafen the yellow Nips." "It wasn't still too loud, was it?" "Yeah." "Of all the half-baked showers!" "You lot ought to get some training in!" "The thing is, Sammy son, for sonic deception, our recorded noises have got to be that much higher than the natural jungle sounds around us." "Sorry, Smudge." "I knew I was taking it a bit high." "Come on!" "Come on, you dirty, rotten stinking, long-eared miserable" "Go easy with him, Bammo, or he'll bite." "He's not quite human, you know?" "None of us are, stuck out here." "Sonic bloody warfare?" "Decoy ducks making 'quack, quack' noises to the Japs." "Never a shot fired in anger." "Sonic warfare." "Comic warfare is more like it." "We volunteered for it, Bammo." "A soft spot you said it would be." "Volunteered?" "You, you, you and you." "Cor blimey!" "My backside's becoming a good pulling for insects." "It's better than getting killed, boyo." "It's better than real fighting." "Oh, you tiny Welsh nit." "It's not the British army you want." "It's the Salvation Army." "Come on!" "Get a move on about the gear, Bamforth, and move yourself." "Go on, you big Berk." "Smith, Whitaker." "What do you two think you're doing?" "Or are we intruding?" "Off we go again." " Okay." " Watch yourself." "Okay." "Anwhat does Uncle Mac think of children's hour this time?" "Or shoulme anTaff, this Welsh nit, have gruntea bit harder towards the end?" "You're an ignorant bastard." "You're just deaignorant." "Dry up, you Highlantwerp." "Here." "This is him." "Corny." "Corporal McCorny." "Go on." "Go out anmake some more sounds." "Get a Jap at the end of your bayonet ansee what kinof a sounthat makes." "That'll do, Bamforth!" "Berk." "What was that?" "All right, drop it." "If you think you're gonna stop the Japs advancing by playing them records, you've got another think coming." "You don't begin to understand the meaning of the exercise, Bamforth." "Look, if the Japs think that our boys are where they're not, they'll move from where they are." "Anthey tell us about Scots' education." "Yeah, I see." "Then they lanon us." "That's right." "Lovely." "The better we do the job, the bigger bloody mess we laning." "Now, you couldn't have a better incentive than that, now, coulyou?" "What's the odds, Bammo?" "Makes a change." "What's the matter there, my oldarling, eh?" "I wish I haa carrot for you, boy." "You know, to really confuse the Nips," "I reckon we neeabout 12 million gooislantroops, Taffy." "Let's see, that, uh..." "Well, that just about equals two Jap regiments." "Drain off the haggis the Scots are full of, drop if all over the Nips, anthey all catch a quick death from Tartan poisoning." "All colours of the rainbow." "The HighlanDivision are the backbone of the British Army, Bamforth." "Always have been." "I wonder how the boys are getting on up country." "As quick as you can, you lot!" "Come on!" "Get a move on!" "Well, I'll glato see the back of this lot." "Get me a transfer to a fighting mob." "I've hame bellyful of these half-bakeberks." "You ought to try anlose this lot, Mitch." "You might get a medal." "Are you being funny?" "Sorry." "Sorry." "I didn't mean anything." "You better not." "Don't come that line with me, Johnno." "I don't like it." "I sail was sorry." "Anyone coullose a patrol." "You coullose a bloody regiment in this set-up." "Look, Corporal, just for the book, let's get this straight." "All right, so I lost a patrol once, anI was bustedown to corporal." "But they're back there now, see?" "All three of them." "All right?" "All right." "Okay." "AnI don't intend to lose them again." "All right." "Let's be having you." "Another blastelecture on how to contact Mars with a flashlight battery." "I'm beginning to get the idea, though you're still making too many mistakes." "The high volume was my fault, Sarge." "Oh, stop whining, Sammy." "Forget it." "Now, we're gonna try again in a different terrain." "Cor blimey." "How much more?" "As much as I say, Bamforth." "I don't you'll be with this mob long." "You're just the kinof volunteer we can do without on this game." "All right." "We're going up country a couple of miles." "There's a tin mine up there, shoulit shoulbe rocky country, just right." "Sammy, get through on the set." "Tell HQ we're pushing on." "The rest of you, loaup the mules." " Sarge." " Sarge." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Report my signals." "Over." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Receiving you louanclear." "Senyour message." "Over." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "I'm moving to seconposition as arranged." "Over." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Message receiveanout." "Annow Auntie Mac anUncle Johnno bring the poor kiddies everywhere the strolling players of the flaming jungle." "All right?" "All together now, little nippers." "♪ We are the oval team, these happy girls and boys ♪" "Shut up, Bamforth!" "They're a very cocky lot, they are, as long as it's safe as a walk in the park." "Take it easy, Johnno." "We're teaching 'em, not drilling 'em for a fancy parade." "Smoke?" "Ta." "Bloody jungle." "Gives me the tomtits." "Yeah." "Sergeant!" "Mitch!" "Mitch, we shoulhave been there by now." "You on a stopwatch, Corporal?" "You're getting tired." "With this mob anthis blastegear, who wouldn't be?" "Now, come on, for Pete's sake!" "Get a move on!" "Come on!" "Bamforth!" "You want me, Corp?" "I saimove!" "Smarten up a bit." "Are you gonna inspect us, then, Corp?" "I don't want any of your lip, lad." "Now do it properly!" "All right, Corp. All right." "Halt." " Halt." " Holit." "This is it." "We'll rest here a while." "That's all it wanted." "That's just about the bloody worst." "Shall we make for the hut, Sergeant?" "I'll take a look arounfirst." "You're not taking any chances, are you, Sergeant?" "Keep me covered." "Right." "Bamforth!" "Get your pack on your back anlook sharp about it!" "Next time you keep it off, you'll hear different!" "You anTaff go keep the sarge covered." "Right." "Ride on, Bamforth!" "Ride on." "What was that?" "Oh, him." "He only coughed." "I'm warning you, Bamforth." "Put one foot wrong, I'll have you in the cooler so fast, your feet won't touch the ground!" "You threatening me, Corp?" "I'm warning you!" "I've got witnesses." "You'll get six months, Bamforth, I'll see to that." "I'll have your guts." "Just try." "Just try it on for size." "You know, you made a big mistake, Bamforth, cheap mixing it with Johnno." "He's not a bafellow when you get to know him." "NCOs." "I've shot 'em." "He works it by the book." "The Army's his life, that's all." "Do you fancy him?" "You watch your mouth, Bamforth." "You watch it." "Yeah, don't start giving me that patter." "You better get some service in before any of you start talking" "Lay off, both of you!" "Can't I leave you for five minutes without you belching at each other?" "All right, we're going in!" "Take him, Mac." " Sergeant." " Right." "Come on!" "Bring 'em on!" "Let's get it over andone with, Mitch." "We'll take a rest until the rain's over, do one more exercise, then get back." "Roll on." "Bamforth, Taffy, unloathe mules anget them out of sight." "Give 'em a hand, Smitty." "It stinks in here." "What I woulgive for a goodry-off." "You better go make sure they stash those mules away all right." "A bloody nursemaid this mob needs." "Just what do you think you're on, you lot?" "!" "This job gonna last for the duration?" "They're all wet anhard to untie, Corp." "We can't get them undone." "You'll come undone if you don't get on with it." "Now, come on, Bamforth!" "What am I suppeto be, Roy Rogers?" "Less of the mouth, Bamforth." "Meanwhile, back at the ranch-- I saishut up, Bamforth!" "Yeah?" "You want something?" "Try it." "Go on." "Try it." "That is all I ask." "Don't be mad, Bammo." "Nit." "Dump the gear on the steps." "The others will cart it inside." "Got through yet, Sammy?" " Not yet, Sarge." " Well, keep punching." "Mac?" "Sergeant." "I'm gonna take a stroll around, get the lay of the land." "Keep a sharp lookout." "Aye, Sarge." "Better get in andry off." "Come on, Johnno, we're gonna see what we've got at the back of us." "Suits me." "Come on, Bammo, let's get inside." "What difference does it make?" "We can't get any wetter." "That's right, boyo, but we might get dryer." "The creep." "The stupidrip." "Johnno's got it in for you, boyo." "He'll have your guts for garters yet." "He's after you." "Rotten bleeder." "He wants carving' up." "You know, when this lot's over," "I want to meet him in town just once." "That's all." "Just once." "I got something, then... but I don't seem to be getting it now." "You haven't changemuch." "Nothing but rain." "Best take it down anwipe it out." "Sergeant saito get through, Smudge." "Well, if we can't get through without taking it down, the Sergeant's just gonna have to bloody well wait, won't he?" "Wham!" "Right across the eyes." "Then, uhh, in with the knee." "Finish with a foot." "All over." "Senfor the cleaners." "You wouldn't fight like that, Bammo." "What do you know about it, you Cardiff, creep?" "Only goofor digging coals ansinging hymns, you lot." "Shows how much you know, boy." "You want some real fighting, Bammo, you go down Cardiff docks on a Saturday night." "More fights there than you've hahot dinners." "Country stuff, son." "Look, you want to see a bloke carveup proper, so his missus thinks he's someone else?" "You senfor the London boys." "Why don't you pack it up?" "What's that?" "You hearme." "I saigive it a rest." "I never hearyour name and number in this conversation." "I'm just telling you, that's all." "I've haabout enough." "Blastelittle boys shouting the odds." "One sniff of a barmaid's apron you'all be on the floor." "That's how you want a barmaid, Smudge." "GooolTaffy." "Getting barmaids on the floor." "AnI thought you was a Presbyterian." "Strict Chapel." "Every Sunday." "Sunday's his day off, when he leaves the milkmaid's alone." "Tuesdays anWednesdays, he's going steady with an Eisteddfod." "Come again?" "You know, one of them dogs in a long black hat anbits of lace." "Always singing hymns." "It's like being in church, only its outside." "Tricky move." "So they can whip them up the mountainside for a quick half hour afterwards." "Crafty, these taffs." "Go on, you!" " Take it easy." " A puddle." "So what?" "I don't know." "It coulbe pretty deep." "With the mules anthe equipment-- Don't tell me you're nervous." "We can't get any wetter." "You all right, Johnno?" "The water's fine." "Come on in." " You all right?" " Yeah." "We shoulget the patrol through here, if the level doesn't rise." "♪ Oh, my husband's a corporal ♪" "♪ A corporal, a corporal ♪" "♪ A very fine corporeal is he ♪" "♪ All day he knocks men about ♪" "♪ Knock men about, ♪ ♪ knocks men about ♪" "♪ At night he comes home ♪ ♪ anknocks me ♪" "♪ Uhh ohh ♪" "♪ Hey-jig-a-jig, ♪ ♪ cook a little pig ♪" "♪ Follow the ban ♪" "♪ Follow the banall the way ♪" "♪ Singing hey-jig-a-jig, ♪ ♪ cook a little pig ♪" "♪ Follow the ban ♪" "♪ Follow the banall the way ♪" "♪ Pack it in, Bamforth. ♪ ♪ I can't hear a thing. ♪" "Order if you please!" "Seconverse." "♪ 'Cause my little sister Lily ♪" "♪ Has a stroll on Piccadilly ♪" "♪ Anme mother has another ♪ ♪ on the Stran ♪" "♪ Anmy father's ♪ ♪ flogging charcoal ♪" "♪ 'Rounthe Elephant ♪ ♪ anCastle ♪" "♪ We're the finest flipping ♪ ♪ family in the lan ♪" "♪ Hey-jig-a-jig, ♪ ♪ cook a little pig ♪" "♪ Follow the ban ♪" "♪ Follow the banall the way ♪" "♪ Singing hey-jig-a-jig, ♪ ♪ cook a little pig ♪" "♪ Follow the ban ♪" "Will you cut it out?" "!" "Hello, hello, hello, hello!" "Our little blue-eyed operator's doing his nut now." "That's all we wanted, him." "What don't you keep quiet, Bamforth, man?" "I've got something on the set." "Of course you did, my little olflower of the East." "What was it, Sammy son?" "Bing Crosby?" "I tolyou." "I got..." "something coming through." "Do you think it was the camp?" "We're 15 miles away from base." "You know, this boy couldn't get the British Broadcasting Corporation in his own sitting room." "I don't know what it was, but I got something." " Try them again, Sammy." " Try it on transmit." "Tell them I'm coming home tomorrow night, Sammy, anask them what's for dinner." "Hey, what's tomorrow?" "Friday." "Fish anchips." "Don't you think of anything except your stomach?" "He's a walking belly." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Report my signal." "Over." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Are you receiving me?" "Report my signal." "Over." " It's useless." " So what's the use?" "There was something." "That's your story, anyou stick to it." "Perhaps you imagineit, Sammy boy." "I got something through, I tell you." "You couldn't get through a hot dinner, my son." "You couldn't even get through a cookhouse tart." "Something came through." "It did." "Ya nit." "We'll take a shufty around this end, okay, Johnno?" "Right." "Thank Gothe rain's packing in." "Yeah, you'll be nice andry by the time we get back." "What you got there, Taff?" "A book." "Sling it across." "Come on, sling it across." "My mother sends me them." "'Ladies Companion anHome'?" "Why, it's disgusting." "You've been carting this arounfor days." "I'm following a serial." "What's wrong with that?" "This is the bit I like." "'Margret Benning Replies.'" "All these girls writing up because someone's left them in a pudding club." " Reaus one out, Bammo." " Well, get this, then." "'Dear Margaret Denning." "'I've been walking out for six months with a corporal in the army who's a very nice boy.'" "Well, that's a dirty rotten lie for a start." "What does she want to know?" "'I like him very much,' anwe plan to marry when the war is over." "'Lately, however, 'he's been making certain suggestions which I know are wrong.'" "Certain suggestion?" "Cor, you nit." "'He says I ought to agree if I love him." "'What shall I do?" "'Ought I to fall in with his wishes, 'or shoulI stanby my principles anrisk losing him?" "'I've always wanted a white wedding." "Yours, Gwyneth Rees, Aberystwyth.'" "Cor, it's another bleeding Taffy." "What dishe tell her?" "'Dear Miss Taffy." "'I'm sorry to hear that you've hathe misfortune 'to fall in love with a corporal." "'The next time he starts making improper suggestions, you shoulkick him in the crotch anmarry a private.'" "It doesn't say that, does it?" "What do you think, you ignorant Berk?" "Well, I don't know, do I?" "What do you reckon she ought to do, Smudger?" "Same as Bammo says." "Oh, I don't know." "Things are different when there's a war." "He might get shoveoff overseas for years, perhaps." "Then where'he be?" "Same as you are." "Up the creek without a paddle." "Now, look, Taffy, don't be a sucker all your life." "You've got a dolly back home, haven't you?" "Well, now, when did you see her last?" "Embarkation leave, 18 months ago." "Now, for all you know, she's probably weaning one by now." "You know what it's like back home these days." "It's a den of vice." "Unoriginal sin." "All them Poles anYanks and cartloads of glorious allies, all colours of the bleedin' rainbow." "Even the kids are beginning to look like licorice allsorts." "You think your girl's sitting at home knitting?" "Mine's all right, boy." "Don't you worry about that." "She's probably up the mountain right this minute with a big buck Yank." "She's not like that." "Yaah." "They're all like that." "Just a lot of grounseeds for the fighting forces." "If anything was wrong, I'soon know about it." "Her mother's my auntie, you see?" "You can't marry her, then." "It's disgusting." "Not my real auntie." "They've been friends, now, her mother anmine, well, for years." "My father's brother marrieher cousin." "You make it sounlike rabbits." "Where the hell do you think we're going, Mitch?" "We may never find that hut again." "Let's go back by the mine." "It's the sensible thing to do." "I wanna see what gives before we go back." "What gives?" "I'll tell you for nothing." "Jungle." "Rotten, stinking lousy jungle." "That's all there is out there." "If you're not needling me, you're complaining." "All right, then." "Here we go again." "'Lost With Handsome Sergeant, Chapter Two.'" "I've tolyou before, Johnno." "That joke's halt." "'Both senior NCOs shall not be away from the patrol at the same time.'" "That is how I reathe book." "The book." "The book." "You ananBamforth both use the bloody book!" "Here." "What are you on, then?" "Oh, you." "Daredevil." "You mean me?" "Who else?" "My socks." "What for?" "Kit inspection, Saturday morning." "Oh, jeez." "What with Taffy anhis 'Ladies Companion,' anyou anyour knitting." "If the Japs ever come down as far as this, they'll have you two grafting in their regimental brothel." "Anwhere will you be, Bamforth?" "Me?" "When the Japs arrive." "Not here, that's for sure." "I wasn't meant to be a hero." "I gatherethat." "I'll tell you where I'll be, boy." "On the trot." "You can bet your bottom-bleeding dollar." "I've got it all workeout, see?" "Tin of brown boot polish from heato toe, couple of banana leaves 'rounthe olwhatsits, boom, anit's straight for the border, just like one of the locals." "Anso we say farewell to this lush, green anprosperous country, leaving our olcomrade in arms, hopeless wireless operator" "Private Fanny Whitaker, making peace with the invading armies of the Rising Sun" "Anthe invading armies of the Rising Sun carving little pieces out of Private Fanny Whitaker." "Pack it in, Bamforth." "What's the matter, Whitto?" "Getting the winup?" "Shut up, will you?" "Get knotted." "I haven't seen anybody hana medal to you yet, Bamforth." "No, anyou're not likely to, my olhaggis basher." "I don't go a bundle on this death or glory stuff." "So why not keep your big trap shut?" "Democracy, Mac." "Free speech, votes for women, an877 Private Bamforth for Prime Minister." "show us your reflag, Bammo." "I don't mind, Smudge." "I only get a little wattewhen that" "Corporal Twinkle Johnstone's around, that's all." "You satisfied?" " With what?" " This!" "This game of soldier we're playing at." "Get any wiser?" "Any better off?" "At least we know another way out if we shoulwant it." "Another way out of what?" "This is real charming." "Another way out of what?" "The rotten Japs are almost back in Tokyo." "How do we know that?" "How do we know anything?" "All we know is that we got a bunch of berks weighedown with equipment." "That's why we're here." "Anthey tolme there was a war on." "At least they couldo is dish us up with some decent equipment." "The only thing we've got that makes a bang is stuffeinside the sonic gear." "All top secret gear has to be detonatein an emergency." "Didn't you reathat in your book, Corporal?" "It gives me the screaming willies lugging it about." "It's safe enough." "It's not primed." "What are we supposeto do if the Japs show up?" "Light the fuse ansling the sonic gear at 'em?" "Couple of grenades apiece, they coulhave given us that, at least." "You saiyourself the Japs are miles away." "I wish to GoI was." "I can't say I disagree with that." "What are we fighting for, comrades?" "All right, I'll tell you." "Loose living ansix months' holiday a year with pay." "Why, the general tolme that himself." "'Bamforth,' he says to me taking me 'rounthe back of the lav at Catterick." "'Bammo, my olson,' 'the British Army's in a desperate position.'" "'The yellow peril is about to descenon us.'" "'The Gatling's jammed,' 'the colonel's dead,' anthe cook corporal's stuffed 'the regimental mascot in the oven." "'We got 2,000 Jocks up in the jungle screaming mafor beer, haggis, anwomen.'" "What's that about the Jocks?" "'Get in there, Bammo,' says the general, 'anrelieve the situation.'" "So before I haa chance to relieve myself, here I was." "What have you got against the Jocks?" "It's a joke, you thick-skulleScotch nit." "AnI'll not stanfor any more of your insubordination." "Come it on, boy." "Come it on." "Just try pulling your stripe again." "That's all I want." "You'll jump to it, Bamforth, when I'm calling out the time." "Oh, hell, you dim Scot crone." "I've been left in charge here, Bamforth!" "Try taking off your stripe ansaying that." "You moon-facegit." "One more worout of you, anI'll put your teeth down your throat." "I mean that." "Do you want to play it rough, Jock?" "I want to play it anyway that suits me, anright now, it suits me to sort you out." " Wrap it up, Jock." " Keep out of this, Smudge." "I'm waiting for you, Jock." "Stop it, Bammo." "You take a poke at him, what goowill it do you?" "You'll lose your stripe." "The stripe means nothing to me." "Well, what are you waiting for, Jock?" "You're pretty big with your mouth." "Let's see you follow it up, you stupiScotch bastard." "What all this in aiof?" "Do your shirt up, Bamforth?" "Must have come undone." "Anget your heels together when you talk to me." "Corporal." "Get on your feet!" "Move yourselves!" "Corporal, stanby the door." "Right." "I coulhave been a regiment of ruddy Nips, anI walkeright through that door." "I walkestraight in!" "Corporal MacLeish." " Sergeant." " I left you in charge." "What happened?" "Uh, I haan occasion to reprimand..." "I'm sorry, sir." "I forgot myself for a moment." "I leave you in charge of the section, anwhat happens?" "In no time at all, you're running a monkey house!" "You haoccasion to reprimanwho?" "It was one of the men." "I didn't think it was a chimpanzee." "Who was it?" "It as something that happened in the heat of the moment." "Corporal MacLeish, who was the man?" "I'prefer not to say." "What do you think this is?" "Just what?" "All girls together anno telling tales?" "Shut up!" "It was a personal matter." "I preferreto handle it my own way." "Corporal, while you were sorting out your personal matters, you coulhave hafive men, including yourself, with their guts on the floor." "Now, remember that:" "Five." "When we get back to camp, I'll have you all in trouble." "Real trouble." "You can't punish the whole section, Sergeant." "I can do just what I like, Corporal." "I can have your guts for garters if I want." "It's against all Army regulations." "Hello!" "What's this?" "I was wrong." "It was a chimpanzee." "As if I hadn't guessed." "Private Bamforth, 877." "Sar'nt." "Now get this, Bamforth." "It's crossemy mina time or two that you don't like the Army." "Sar'nt." "It's a mutual feeling, Bamforth." "The Army's not in love with you." "The harcase." "The barrack-room lawyer." "Sar'nt." "You think you're a bastard, Bamforth." "I'll tell you, I can be a bigger bastarthan you'll ever be." "Sar'nt." "AnI've got three stripe stars on you." "You haven't got a chance." "Now, you keep in line, boy, or I'll have you." "That's a warning." "Sar'nt." "All right." "Gather 'round, all of you." "You better get this shambles back while you can, Mitch." "We're gonna carry this exercise out properly, according to the book." "You're the sergeant." "That's right, I am..." "Corporal." "All right, now, pay attention." "We're gonna carry out this exercise in this area anthen we're going back." "Don't get the idea that I'm keeping you lot out here just because I'm enjoying the game." "But we came out here to do a job, anwe're going to do it." " Whitaker." " Sarge." "Diyou get through to HQ yet?" "The set's gone dead, Sarge." "Me anSmudge stripeit down angave it a wipe, but the rain's got in it or something." "Get back over there ankeep trying." "Bamforth, Evans, on guard." "The rest of you get some grub." "Don't eat it all at once, though." "You might be grabbing a bite later." " Sergeant?" " Yes?" "Have you any" "Have you any idea which of the mobs have moveup country?" "Only what I heard before we left the camp." "The Fusiliers, two battalions of Jocks ansome artillery." "Why?" "Are you studying military history?" "No, it's my kibrother." "He's with the Highlanboys." "Only a rumour I hearing the mess." "Whitaker." " Sergeant?" " Any joy on the set?" "I got something through about five minutes ago, Sarge." "I don't know what it was, though." "It was too faint to pick it up." "How much a week do they pay you for this, lad?" "It's not his fault." "The set's useless." "Okay, Sammy boy, you keep trying." "Right, Sergeant." "What do you reckon, Mitch?" "What's that?" "What he got." "I don't know." "Must have been the camp." "No one else in this area pushing out signals." "With a duset, he couldn't pick up any of the front-line mob, they'be out of range." "So it follows it must have been the camp." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Are you receiving me?" "Charlie, George, Uncle." "Report my signals." "Over." "Damn duequipment." "The whole damn issue's a dud." "Smoke?" "Ta." "What time do you reckon we get back, Mitch?" "Tomorrow, about 1800 hours if we keep this up." " Sarge." " Yeah?" "Coming through again." "There it is." "Well, come on, lad, let's be having it." "Ask the C.O. if he's still in love with me, olboy." "Nobody loves you, you horrible Taff." "Shut up!" "Pack that talking in!" "Just a minute." "Hey, Taff, they're playing our tune." "It must be our allies." "What do you make of that, Mitch?" "There's something weirabout it." "What are they putting that out for, Sarge?" "What's it mean?" "Well, maybe they just like our song, Sammy son." "You've got it all right, Whitto, boy." "You've got the ruddy Japs!" "If that's their camp, they're having rice for tea anmy name's Tojo." "Bring on the geisha girls." "A right ruddy radio operator you turneout to be, Whitaker." "You don't even know who's side you're on." "Cut out the talking, the lot of you." "Whitaker." "Whitaker, I'm talking to you, boy." "What's your range?" "Come on!" "I don't know." "It can't be very much What do you reckon?" "It must be under 15 miles." "I can't get the camp." "It coulbe 10." "It might be even less." "Go on, Whitto, boy." "You're up the creek all over." "The Japs are way back." "Must be 20 miles away at least." "It was as clear as a bell." "They coulbe sitting right on top of us." "Mitch." "Under 15 miles?" "So what's happened to the boys up country?" " Shut up." " What's happened to the forwarboys?" "I've got my brother posteup there!" "Shut up, I tell you!" " Mitch" " Go ancheck the Tommy guns." "Right." "Now, you just shut up." "It doesn't matter know if your mother's having fun with a Jap." " Bamforth." "Evans." " Sarge?" "Keep your eyes pinnethere." "Put a rounapiece up the sprout." "Okay, now put on your safety catches." "That's all we need." "No more than that." "Now, listen all of you." "You're a very lucky little training patrol." "Insteaof finishing the exercise that you all loveso much, we're going straight back." "But we're not going back the way we came." "We've got a nice, safe surprise route for you." "How near do you think the Japs are, Sarge?" "You've hearone Nippo on the set." "Now, that coulmean that somewhere one lousy bunch of Japs has wrigglein behinour lines." "Half a dozen mugs like yourselves in hysterics because they hearour young gallant Whitto here putting out a signal back to base." "So don't panic." "Just get your gear on quickly." "Bamforth, you go anget the mules." "Sar'nt." "Evans, you stay on guard." "The rest of you, get ready to move off straight away." "Come on, then, move yourselves." "We got no time to play about." "You want me to leaoff back, Mitch?" "Yeah." "Crack the whip a bit." "Set a nice, steady pace." "I want to try anmake it in one stint." "I'm with you." "That makes a change." "Let's drop it, shall we, Mitch?" "Suits me." "Come on, get your bottom out of the way, then." "Watching me olunit." "Miss me?" "Cor, it's true." "Where's that blasty Bamforth?" "Always!" "Always Bamforth!" "What's he doing with them mules?" "There he is, Corporal." "Sarge!" "Holit all of you." "What's up?" "There's a Jap coming along." "How many?" "Just one." "One little bleeder." "Armeto the teeth." "Get down." "Get out of sight." " See anything, Evans?" " Nothing yet, Sarge." "Where about?" "Over there." "I got it." "Keep still, will you?" "Blimey." "Why, they do it the same way as we do." "Shut up." "I saino noise, you bloody fool." "I woulhave hahim right between the cheeks." "I couldn't miss." "So what?" "He's on his own." "What give you that idea?" " You think" " Cut the talking." "Keep out of sight, all of you." "Evans, keep watching but don't fire." "Sarge." "The set." "Get it." "Get it." "Too late." "Come on, then, one of you!" "Get him!" "Evans!" "Go for him!" "Not that way, you Berk!" "You want to do for me as well?" "Use your bayonet!" "In his guts!" "Not that way!" "Feel for it!" "Feel for it!" "Quick!" "Come on." "Come on." "I can't holhim forever." "I can't do it, Corp. I can't." "Just close your eyes anwhoof it in." "I can't!" "I can't!" "MacLeish." "Not me." "Smith, take the bayonet." "Put the poor swine out of his misery, Taff!" "You." "Here!" "It's only like carving up a pig!" "Now holhim still!" "Bamforth!" "Holit!" "What the hell" " I'm only doing what I'm told!" "Just holit, that's all!" "I want this one alive." "Alive, Johnstone!" "Now, you, I want no noise, see?" "Understand?" "You make so much as a mutter, anI'll let Jack the Ripper here have a go at you." "Good." "I think I'm getting through to him all right." "Bamforth, put the carving knife away before he dies of fright." " Boo!" " Bamforth!" "I saiput the cutlery away!" "Sar'nt." "All right, Johnno, he'll behave himself." "Put him down." "Go on!" "He looks as if he's gonna fight the war himself." "He's not exactly what you call a handsome bloke." "I'll fix it so it's Rita Hayworth walks in next time." "Come on, move." "Back." "Arounhim like a lot of lambs that got the first taste of milk." "A moment ago, you wouldn't touch him with a barge pole." "None of you." "Bamforth, take away the armory." "Sar'nt." "Stanstill, you nig, unless you want the boot!" "Blimey, you need a jockstrap for these." "A right lot I got landewith." "Not one of you hathe guts to give me a hand." "But you cannot order men to put a bayonet in a prisoner." "What do you think they dish out bayonets for?" "I have no intention of using one on any man who can't defenhimself." "You Berk." "He's a prisoner of war." "Prisoner my crutch." "There's such a thing as the Geneva Convention." "Geneva Convention?" "He's carrying more cannon than the Woolwich Arsenal." "If he'hapullethe pin on one of those grenades, thup." "Up the spout, the lot of us!" "Still no sign of anyone, Evans?" "Nothing yet, Sarge." " Smith." " Sergeant." "You better take a careful stroll down the track." "See if you can contact any of Tojo's mates." "Right, Sergeant." "Supposing you were in his position." "I'make bloody sure I wasn't, mate." " MacLeish." " Sergeant." "You better go with Smudger." "Take it very careful." "Aye, sir." " Ready, Mac?" " Aye." "That's about the lot, Sarge." " Right." "Evans?" " Sarge?" "Get the mules anstart saddling them up." "Here." "You're looking after Tojo." "I think he's taken a fancy to you." "I'll settle for this." "Come on, then." "Down, shorthouse." "All right?" "Now, put your hands up on your head." "I saiget your hands up on your head!" "On your bonce!" "Your head!" "Like this, see?" "Flingers on blonce." "All right?" "Hey, Sarge, see that, diyou?" "He diit like I said." "Flingers on blonce." "I talk the lingo natural." "I'll recommenyou for an overseas posting." "You've not see nothing yet." "Now, get this." "Allee-lighty." "Flingers up to clutch the loof." "Clutch the loof." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Clutch the loof!" "You Asiatic gilt." "He's a rotten ignoramus, this one." "Do you hear something?" "I'm not sure." "They say the Japs can move arounthe jungle as if they weren't there." "Come on." "This is a bit dicey, isn't it, Mitch?" "Maybe." "So why bother with this little yellow Harry?" "Like I tolyou, we're taking that boy back to the camp with us, all right?" "All-lightee." "That's the loof." "Loof." "But, Mitch, you don't know how many more of them there are out there." "Not yet, but he does." "But they coulbe coming down in strength." "That's right, they could." "We've got enough" "Mitch, we've got enough on getting this lot back." "They've got no experience." "We'll have to bolt like the clappers of hell." "We'll step on it all right." "What, with a prisoner, three mules anthis lot?" "We're going to try!" "All right." "You're in charge." "That's about the size of it." "Come on, Evans, get a move on!" "Tell him he can drop his hands, Bamforth." "He's not gonna run away." "Allee-lightee." "Flingers off blonce." "Flingers off blonce." "No, not that, you mug." "Here." "That's not so bad, though, is it?" "He's coming on quick." "He knows his flingers already." "GooolTojo." "Now let them drop." "Dropsy." "Down." "He picks up quick." "He's a glutton for knowledge is this one, Taff." "It's okay for you, Bammo." "This gear's heavy." "Work, you Welsh peasant." "Nit." "Diyou hear that?" "Only those blastemonkeys." "Yes, I hear it." "Sounds ahead." "All right, what do we do now, Mac?" "Do we go back?" "We better try anfinout their strength." "Come on." "Flingers on blonce." "Drop flingers." "Yeah, he droppethem like a two-year-old." "Just keep him quiet, that's all." "We don't want any of that funny patter." "I'm teaching him to talk." "Well, don't!" "Mitch, don't you think we shoulhave... done him in first time off?" "You going soft?" "Look, can you tell me how many Nips have broken through anwhere they are right now?" "Do you want to stay ancount them?" "I want to slog it back." "Look, we've coppeon to a boy who's got important information." "I'll leave any man in the patrol behind, including you, before I'll say goodbye to him." "Supposing the whole Nip army is behinhim." "No, he's much more likely to be just one of a patrol." "Look, Mitch, just supposing, supposing he isn't." "Then I'll stick the bayonet in his guts myself." "You better check those Japanese grenades." "They might come in handy." "All right, Jock." "Let's heaback." "He's reporting his missing mate." "We better wait a while, see what they'll do." "Aah!" "Come on, Jock, let's get back." "He's not deayet." "We can't bother about that now." "Now, let's move." "Uhh!" "Come on." "Come on!" "♪ A handsome young private ♪ ♪ lay dying ♪" "♪ At the edge of ♪ ♪ the jungle he lay ♪" "♪ Anthe regiment ♪ ♪ gatherearounhim ♪" "♪ To hear for the last ♪ ♪ words he'say ♪" "♪ Take the trigger-guar ♪" "♪ Out of my kidney ♪" "♪ Take the magazine ♪ ♪ out of my brain ♪" "♪ Take the barrel ♪" "♪ From out of my backbone ♪" "♪ Anassemble ♪" "♪ My rifle ♪" "♪ Again ♪" "Well, what do you think of that, Tojo, me olflowerpot?" "It's a bit better than your cop from one of them geisha lilies in Tokyo, I bet." "Hey, what's this?" "Why, it's a photo." "It's a picture of a Japanese dog." "Who's this, then?" "You got wife?" "Your missus?" "It's his olwoman." "Oh, very good!" "Plenty of humpy, eh?" "Japanese girl very nice." "GooolTojo." "She's a bit short in the pins, though, but very nice." "I wouldn't mina crack at her myself." "Hey, get this!" "A couple of Nipper snappers, Sarge." "Two Jap kids." "Couple of chickos." "You got two chickos, eh?" "Two, see?" "You got two kids." "Three?" "No, you stupiraving imbecile." "Two." "One anone... two." "Dlinky-dloo." "Number two." "What?" "Another?" "You got another one, as well?" "Well, you crafty oldevil." "You're a bit fonof it, aren't you?" "You're a rotten old sex maniac, you are." "You're as baas Smudge." "But very nice, though." "All right, Bamforth." "Keep your mind above your middle." "Keep trying, Whitaker." "If there are any Japs here, they'll get a fix on us, Sarge." "We've got to finout what's up, Sammy son." "Keep trying." " Any sign of 'em?" " Not yet, Sarge." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Are you receiving me?" "Report my signal." "Charlie, George, Uncle." "Over." "Cigarette?" "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Are you receiving me?" "Report my signal." "Charlie, George, Uncle." "Over." "Ta." "What was that in aiof?" "He gets permission first." "I gave it to him." "Since when have you been calling the time?" "I don't have to ask you if I want to give a bloke a drag." " This one you do, mate." " Who says?" "I do, lad." "I do." "I'll fix his photos for him as well." "Uhh!" "All right, all right, you've done it this time, Bamforth." "You've shot your load." "Anas sure as God's made little apples, you'll get three years for that." "You try anmake it stick." "Bamforth!" "You'll be court-martialewhen we get back." "Anyou can thank your lucky stars you didn't get a rounthrough you." "He starteit." "You can tell that to the C.O." "Stuff the bloody C.O." "Anyou anhim and" "Uni." "British uni." "We you come to get." "Where are you?" "Uni." "British uni." "We you come to get." "British uni." "We you come to get." "Where are you?" "There's someone coming down the track." "Come on!" "All right." "Wait!" "Come on, give." "Let be having it." "We founthem." "A big fighting patrol." "They sent out scouts to finTojo." "Hato knock one off." "There were two of them." "We trackethem." " What happeto the other one?" " He got away." " Dihe see you?" " Aye." " Why, you pair" " Holit!" "How diknock the one off, Mac?" "The bayonet." "I diit with a bayonet." "Good." "Now we know it all." "We're leaving." "Get packeup, Sammy." "Get moving, all of you." "Come on, then!" "Get a move on!" "What's the score, Mitch?" "That's what's troublesome." "They're near." "Their main body can't be more than a few miles off." "We'll have to get up to the mine." "With him in tow?" "No." "We shall have to ditch him." "You want me to do the job?" "Don't be so eager." "No, we'll lose him in the mine." "He'll be less noticeable there." "Bamforth, you're in charge of the Nip." "Keep a close holon him." "Taffy, you anSmith take the mules." "You've got the leather all right, I hope." "Yes, Sarge." "Johnno, you take the lead." "I'll bring up the rear." "Right, Sarge." "All right, come on." "Get a move on." "Come on, Tojo." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Get 'em moving!" "Don't start playing up now." "We're going back." "Haven't I always treateyou like my own mother?" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Get those blasted animals moving!" "Now, keep them flingers on the little olplonce, otherwise, I'll blast it off." "Now, don't go doing yourself an injury." "We don't want any complaints from your missus." "Now, move, Tojo!" "Move!" "Move!" "All right, come on." "Come on." "Come on." "Get those animals moving, Taff." "Come on, my love." "Don't keep the Corp waiting." "I tolthe Sergeant our signals woulgive them a fix on us, Smudge." "They could, couldn't they?" "Oh, for crying out loud, Sammy son." "Stop whining." "Come on, Bamforth, keep that Nippo moving." " He's moving." " Andon't answer back." "Sarge?" "How does the Jap enup?" "We're stacking him." "You mean we're leaving him behind?" "He can't tell us more than he knows already." "He's lot his value." "You're not gonna knock him off." "You want to do it?" "The man's a prisoner of war!" "Goknow how many more like him there are between us anthe base." "If anybody's a prisoner of war, it's us, not him." "You can't just put a bullet into him." "I know that." "It makes too much noise." " Mitch?" " Yeah." "I'll take 'em straight through the water." "All right, keep 'em moving." "Get a move on." "Right." "Just our flaming luck!" "Holit!" "Holit!" " Holit." " Holit." "What's up, Sarge?" "Some water up ahead." "Nothing serious." "Now, don't start getting lazy just because you're standing easy for a minute." "Take a look." "We laning it, every rotten time." "Yeah, it must have been that rain." "Must happen every time it rains." "Charming." "It's clobbereus for sure." "I don't know." "If we hang on, it shouldrain off." "So we'll stick around until the level drops." "Right." "Right, listen." "We're gonna knock off here for a short break." "Evans, get those mules out of the way somewhere." "We don't want them stinking us out." "Never mind, my long-earedarling." "Perhaps you wouldn't like the smell of him." "Never mind the wisecracks, Evans." "Get Smitty anyoung Sammy to help you offloathese beasts before you move 'em." "Sarge." " Bamforth." " Sar'nt." "You take the first guard, just arounthe corner there." "But I'm on important war work, Sarge." "MacLeish will take over." "About time you did something useful." "Here, Mac, it's a pity you can't talk Japanese like I can." "Keep an eye on him, Mac." "Right, Sage." "Now, you behave yourself, lad." "What do you want?" "Is it this you're wanting?" "All right." "All right, boy." "Whoa." "Whoa, boy." "Smudge?" "All right, boy." "Okay." " All right, Smudge?" " Yes." "You never said you haa girlfriend?" "I was courting her when I left home." "You got a photograph?" "I got a couple back at camp." "What's she like?" "Sort of..." "pretty-like." "I met her at Darlington when I was doing my basic training." "Catholic." "She comes up to about my shoulder with sort of yellowish hair." "She works for an insurance company." "We were courting..." "three months very near." "Well, diyou take her out very much?" "Couple of times a week, like." "Most nights we useto walk up through the park along by the river." "Middle of summer, I was in Catterick." "Was it hot there." "Boy." "She's only 17." "Is it a bit young, you think?" "Well, that doesn't seem to make much difference these days." "Well, do you write to her?" "Every day if I've got time." "Roll on peace." "You're giving one to me?" "Oh, thanks." "That's very kinof you." "A light." "My name's MacLeish." "MacLeish." "Me." "Do you understand?" "Who are you?" "Oh, my." "Is that the only thing you know?" "Who, Mitch?" "Meaning what?" "Who gets to do the job?" "Are you volunteering?" "I don't mind." "I didn't think you woulat that." "Now, listen, Sarge-- Sarge... there was one thing my olman taught me, anhe was a goocorporal, my olman." "Never love your enemy." "Hate him." "You love 'em, you enup with a bayonet in your back." "Someone's got to do it, Sarge." "Yeah." "They settledown all nice ancomfy, Sarge." "I'm very happy for them." "Now, you run along anget settled down nice ancomfy yourself." "Lovely." "I haven't haa letter for over a month." "Well, maybe she's busy." "I'm thinking she's got fixed up with some other bloke." "Well, maybe the mail's been helup." "I've got plenty from my mother." "You'll get one when you get back to camp, that's why." "I don't know." "I've thought of giving up, like." "Don't give up, boy." "This is the life, eh?" "Oh, boy!" "Yes, this is it." " It wants doing quick." " I know." " Anquiet." " I know." " It's a skin job." " I know all that!" "So it wants someone who knows what they're doing." "You or me." "We coultoss for it." "Look, don't try to teach me my job, eh?" "Mitch, I'm only trying to help." "I'm only making a suggestion." "It needs a professional touch." "Who gave him that?" "Have you been keeping him in smokes?" "I didn't give him." "As a matter of fact, it was him that give me this." "You're going steady already." "Of course not." "What's up, then?" "Do you fancy him?" "I can't see any harm in accepting a smoke from the bloke." " You wouldn't." " There's no harm in that." "Not much!" "Why don't you go the whole way, lad, anturn native?" "I wouldn't touch his stinking wog tobacco." "It's just an ordinary cigarette." "It's what?" "Let's have a gander." "Just like any other cigarette." "There's no difference." "You wouldn't chuckle." "It's the same, all right." "It's got one little bit of a difference." "It's an English one!" "It's British smokes." "They're British Army issue." "Give us a hold." "They're army issue, all right." "He must have thievethem from the lads up country." "But how dihe get holof them?" "How do you think?" "You can have three guesses." "The thieving bastard." "If there's one thing that gets my goat, it's looting." "Come on, Jock." "You'better finish it." "You're the one he gave it to." "I mean, you're his mate." "I'll ram it down his rotten throat." "I'll make him eat the rotten thing." "Jock, Jock." "Come on, Jock." "You don't want to waste it." "You don't know how much that smoke cost." "He stuck his bayonet in some poor bloody Tommy for that." "There's some of them woulkill their own mother for a drag, Sarge." "He wants a lesson." "He shoulhave a lesson taught to him." "Anyou were telling me how they treat P.O.W.s." " I'll kill him!" " Will you?" "You swap sides quick." "Stick it!" "You thieving slob!" "Who goes in first?" "Who gets first crack?" "Holit a sec!" "Jock, see if he's lugging arounanything else he's liftefrom our boys." "Get up." "Get on your feet." "Do as your told." "There's this." "I'll have a look at this, then." "You carry on." "Stanstill!" " Stanstill!" " Uhh!" "Aah!" "Uhh!" "Aah!" "I saistanstill!" "What's up?" "What's he done to ask for that?" "He's been looting, Bammo, from our boys." "He's been what?" "We caught him with a cigarette case stuffewith British Army smokes." "Why, you Scotch twerp." "You dim Scotch nitwit." "I gave him them." "You did?" "I'm telling you I gave him half a dozen butts." "You gave them to him, Bammo?" "What's the matter with you, Taff?" "Are your ears bad?" "I slippehim half a dozen butts." "Look what you..." "Anwho gave you permission?" "What's mine's my own, anI decide what I do with it." "How was I to know?" "I mean, he gave one to me." "I lit it up." "Look, I was having a drag." "I was halfway down the lousy thing and..." "I mean, before I realized it was a British smoke..." "Well, what would you have done, Bammo?" "I coulhave choked, you know?" "I've got a brother up country." "If he's droppein with a gang of Nips who think like you do," "Gohelp the kiddy." "Gohelp him." "I thought he'lootethem." "So you pullethe big brave hero bull." "The raving Highlander." "Well, aren't you the boy?" "So what are you waiting for?" "Come on, Jocko." "Finish it off." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "He's waiting for the hump!" "He can't hurt you back." "Let's see you bash him one!" "Come on, Jock!" "Smash his face for him!" "All right, Bamforth, cut it out." "Haven't any of you got the guts to go the bundle?" "What about you, Taff?" "You want to have a crack at him?" "I saidrop it!" "You bunch of nits." "It was a mistake, Bammo." "You bet it was." "We thought he'swipe'em!" "You lousy rats." "You even hato rip his pictures up." "You couldn't leave him them even." "I'll give you a hand, Bammo." "Here's a bit with a heaon it." "He coulstick it together easy enough with a pot of paste ana brush." "Oh, dry up, you Welsh Berk." "Tojo." "Hey, Tojo, boy." "I got your pieces for you." "Look." "Here's a bit with a face on it." "Here, Taff." "Shove him this." "Right, boyo." "Tojo, here's your wallet." "You better give him this Maybe he'll be in neeof a smoke." "Yeah, thanks, mate." "Bamforth, just a minute, lad." "Yeah?" "I'like to have a look at that before you hanit on to him." "Ask him, not me." "It's his." "He'll get it back." "He'better." "He will." " Bamforth." " Now what do you want?" "I was just wondering, that's all." "Yeah?" "Are you feeling in a generous mootoday?" "What's that supposeto signify?" "I mean, diyou give him the case as well?" "I tolyou I gave him half a dozen butts." "The case belongs to him." "Does it?" "The case is his." "Now, that is interesting." "Very, very interesting." "Because you better have another gander at it, then." "Hanit over, Bamforth." "What for?" "It's his." "I'like to give it the once-over myself." "All right." "So it's a British case." "It's made in Birmingham." "So what?" "What's that supposeto prove?" "So tell us how he got holof it." "Look, I don't know." "Don't ask me." "I bloody do!" "The way he got the snouts!" " I gave him them fags." " So you say!" " I gave him them fags!" " But what about the case?" "Look, I don't know!" "Don't ask me!" "I don't know!" "So he has been on the lifting lark." "Looting from the lads up country." "It begins to look that way." "You've got it all sorteout between you, haven't you?" "It stands to reason, man." "You ought to be in Scotland Yard, you boys, in security." "It's pretty obvious he pinchethe thing." "Is it?" "How else could he have it, Bammo?" "You pair of ignorant crones." "Sherlock-Taffy-Bloody-Holmes anCharlie MacChan." "Sexy Blake anhis Tartan boy assistant." "How do I know where he got it from?" "It's you bright pair that know all the answers." "You tell me!" "You know, if I were you lot," "I'have it casefor bloodstains anfingerprints with a magnifying glass." "How does anyone cop onto a fag case?" "You buy 'em!" "With money!" "At least that's a carry-on in my hometown." "Where you two come from, they still swap things for sheep!" "It's a British case, Bamforth!" "Anyou're a heacase, Mac!" "Now, look, listen, I've got a little kisister back home." "12 years old." "She carts around a squinting Jap doll." "You know how she got it?" "I'll tell you." "On night, insteaof being tuckeup in her little bed, she was out roaming the streets with a bleedin' great meat axe." "She knockeoff nine Nippo nippers in a night nursery, liftea golliwog, two teddy bears, anthis here doll." "You know how we founout?" "It's got 'Made in Japan' stampeacross its little pink behind." "Now, work that one out." "It won't wash, Bamforth." "The Japs don't import fancy swag." "They churn it out themselves anflog it around." "All right!" "Go on!" "Beat him up!" "Enjoy yourselves for once." "Have a gootime." "Look..." "Listen." "You want to know who's got the biggest hoarof loot in the Far East, bar none?" "Who's got more Jap swag than any regiment?" "I'll introduce him!" "On my right anstepping into the ring, the Flyweight champion, the terror of the Newcastle Church Army Mission:" "Private Winnie 'Whining' Whitaker." "Cut it out, Bammo." "Come on!" "Take a bow, Whitto son!" "Here he is!" "The sole proprietor of the Samuel Whitaker War Museum!" "It's worth hargelt in anybody's lingo." "What are you driving at, Bamforth?" "Ask the boy himself." "He's the proupossessor." "Come on in, Whitaker, my olson." "Don't be bashful." "Tell them all about your battle honours, what you diin the great war, dad." "I don't know what you're supposeto be talking about." "Don't you?" "Well, Smudge knows." "Smudge has seen it." "He can bear me out." "Leave the boy alone." "There's no harm in it." " It's true, though, isn't it?" " Look, lay off the lad!" "Is it the truth?" "Yes, he's..." "got a bit of swag." "A bit?" "Why, that's the bloody understatement of the war, that is!" "It's only souvenirs, Bammo." "What kinof souvenirs you got, Sammy?" "He's got 'em in his locker back at camp." "Why, Smudge anme haa look one morning when he left it open." "Come on, Whitto son, don't be shy." "Tell 'em what you've got." "Just some odds anends, man, ana few things I pickeup, that's all." "Well, tell 'em what." "Some Japanese buttons ana couple rounds of ammo." "Anthe rest?" "A knit cap, badge, ana belt." " Go on!" " That's all!" "I've seen inside your locker." " That's all there is!" " You're lying, Whitaker." "I'm not, man!" "I've not got anything!" "Leave him alone, Bamforth!" "His locker's loaded with Jap loot." "It's like a little Tokyo inside his locker." "They're only souvenirs, Bammo." "When you get home with that lot, you won't have to give the family the bull." "The Newcastle hero." "Anyou lot." "You want to beat up Tojo just because he's got an English fag case." "If the Nips ever lay hands on Whitaker here, they'll work it out that he's a sort of military Al Capone." "Him!" "Whining Whitaker!" "The boy who has a nervous breakdown at the thought of Madame Butterfly." "Can't you leave the laalone?" "All right." "I've done with him." "But just to put these boys here right, tell them how you coppeon to your spoils of war." "I don't know." "I..." "They just came into my possession." "Tell them how!" "I swappesome things for them." "In the canteen down at the Union Jack Club." "I swappethem for some stuff I had from blokes that I met who came down from up country." "That's all I wanteto know." "It's not a crime!" "No." "No, it's not a crime." "It's not a crime to have a fag case, either." "Here." "Private Whitaker, special decoration for systematic scrounging of enemy gear." "You still haven't proved, to my satisfaction, that that's the way he got the case." "You try anprove it different." "Och, what does it matter anyway?" " Evans." " Sarge?" "Better give him this back." "Sarge." "Bamforth, go ansee where that water is now." "Right." "Ansee what you goons can cook up this time." "You know, Mitch, we might do better to knock that one off." "It's all right, Sarge!" "Anyone for a skylark?" "All right, all of you, we're going through." "Come on, men, get your packs on." "Come on." "Hey, Mitch." "Mitch, what about, um..." "Mitch, what about..." "He's mine." "Shout if you want any help." "Oh, Mitch, what about the special gear?" "Fix it so that it detonates 30 minutes from now." "Right." "Good." "Smith, Whitaker, give me a hanwith this." "We're gonna fix this so that it detonates in half an hour." "Right?" " Right, Corp." " Right, Corp." "Pity to blow up all this lovely gear." "That's about what all this war's about:" "Blowing up lovely gear." " Evans." " Sarge?" "Take the mules further down that cutting anleave 'em." " Leave 'em, Sarge?" " That's what I said." "Why not take 'em" " Just do as your told, eh?" "But they'starve, Sergeant." "There's nothing for them to eat." "If we shoot them, the noise will bring in every Jap in the area." " But, Sarge" " Look..." "Do you want to kill them with a bayonet?" "Now, just leave them." "Go on, leave them!" " Whitaker." " Yes, Sarge?" "Try one last time to get through." "Tell them we're coming back, that Japs are in the area." "But... it'll give 'em another fix on us, Sarge." "What else can we do, Sammy?" "Get your pack on your back, Bamforth." "Right." "What's the matter with you, Taff?" "Hey, what's the matter with you, you dumb Welsh pluck?" "Why can't you shut up?" "!" "Why can't you ever shut up?" "!" "Must you forever be going on about something?" "!" "Blimey." "What a nit." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Report my signals." "Calling Charlie, George, Uncle." "Can you hear me?" "Charlie, George, Uncle." "Report my signals." "Over." "Hey, Sarge..." "Come on, Tojo." "Get a bite to eat before we go." "There's no more handouts for the Nippo, Bamforth." "I've warneyou, Johnstone." "Don't overstep them stripes." "I'll not take any more of that patter." "Is it all right if I give the prisoner a bite to eat, Sarge?" "You hearwhat Corporal Johnstone said, Bamforth." "You what" " No more for the Nippo." "Yeah, but-but..." "the blokes got to eat." "I'm sorry, Bamforth." "There's none to spare for him." "Sorry?" "We'll neeall we've got for getting back." "He can have half of mine." "There's none for him!" "But..." "But... we're taking him back as well." "Hello, Charlie, George Uncle." "Report my signals." "Over." "We're taking him as well." "I'm afrainot." "He's stopping where he is." "Mac, sling us over that bayonet." "No!" "I've no choice." "You saihe was going back." "He was, before." "The situation's changed." "I can't take him along." "What's the poor Nip, then, to us?" "It's war!" "It's something in a uniform that's a different shade from mine!" "He's not doing it." "Are you laying odds on that, Bamforth?" " But that's bloody murder!" " He's a bloody Nip!" "He's..." "He's a man." "Shift yourself, Bamforth." "Get out of my way." "You're not doing it, Johnno!" "You're right, Bamforth." "I am." "You're a bastard, Mitchem." "I wish to GoI was." "You're a dirty rotten bastard, Mitchem." "As far as I'm concerned, it's all these boys or him." "It's him anme!" "Get to one side." "That's an order." "Stick it!" "For the last time, move over!" "Try moving me!" "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Report my signals." "Over." "Well, don't just sit there, Whitaker." "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Report my signals." "Over." "Who's side are you on?" "Come on, boy!" "You've got no guts, you know that, Whitaker?" "You've just got no guts!" "We've got to get back, Bammo." "You're a gutless slob!" "I've got to get back!" "Evans." "Taffy--Taff, put a gun on these two, son." "Why, Bammo?" "Well, they're gonna kill him, you nit!" "You never know about that fag case, do you, boy?" "What the hell's the fag case got to do with it?" "Smudge." "Smudge." "Now it's up to you." "Don't ask me, Bammo." "Just leave me out." "You're in it, Smudge." "You're in it up to here." "I just take orders." "I do as I'm told." "I just ploon." "Well, the plodding on has stopperight here!" "Right here you got to stop anmake a stand!" "He's got a wife ankids!" "I've got a wife ankids myself!" "Now drop it!" "It's like Mitch says, it's him or us!" "MacLeish!" "I hope they carve your brother up." "Get that?" "I hope they carve your bloody brother up!" "God." "All right, Bamforth." "You've hayour say, now shift." "Shift me!" "Come on, you bloody heroes!" "Shift me!" "Hello, Charlie, George, Uncle." "Are you receiving me?" "Report my signals." "Come in Charlie, George, Uncle." "For Christ's sake, come in!" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "It's the Japs!" "It's the Japs!" "Get back." "Get away from me." "Get back!" "Leave me alone!" "English uni." "We know where you are." "English uni." "We know where you are." "We know where you are." "You come out." "You are prisoner." "You have very gooright." "If not, we you come to get." "English uni." "We know where you are." "You come out." "You are prisoner." "You have a very gooright." "That's a laugh." "The poor gook, he was probably trying to warn us." "He was trying to warn us, anyou shot him." "That shouljust about roust out every Nip in the area." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Snap out of it!" "He's just the first of 'em!" "You've really done it this time, Whitaker." "You've got the biggest souvenir of them all." "Take that home anhang it up on your front room wall." "Shut up!" "We've hearenough from you!" "Johnno, you take 'em out!" "Right." "Come on, then." "It's just a corpse." "Let's have you, then!" "Leave what you haven't got anget a move on!" "How about you, Mitch?" "I'll cover the rear." "If they're arounus, most likely they'll come from down there." "Keep them moving." "Right." "Come on, Bamforth!" "Get a move on!" "All right, leave him with me." "Go on, get going." "We'll catch you up." "All right, then." "Come on!" "The rest of you, let's get going." "Sorry I blew my top a while back, boy." "Oh, you Welsh nitwit." "Go on, then." "Come on." "Come on." "Come on." "Let's get going." "MacLeish, bring up the rear." "Bring my rifle, Taff." "Come on, come on, come on." "Speeit up, boys." "Poor bastard." "Him?" "No." "You." "Me." "All of us." "Yeah." "Come on." "Come on, come on, come on." "Get a move on." "Get back!" "Get back!" "All hell's got loose back there." "We better go on, Johnno." "We don't know what's out there." "We know what's back there." "Right." "Come on, then." "Back here, all of you!" "When I fire, run!" "All right!" "Sammy?" "Sam!" "Back into the mine." "It's the only chance we've got." "But Sammy's still out there." "I can't help that now." "Now, come on!" "Corporal, we know there are more Japs back in there!" "But we've got to tie up with Mitch." "We can't stick it out here." "It' the only chance" "What the hell can Mitch do for us now?" "It's his responsibility!" "I warnehim!" "I tolhim we shoulhave hoofeit back hours ago!" "It's up to him now." "Now, come on." "Now!" "Uhh!" "We can't stay here." "One bullet anthat lot will senit sky-high." "You get back." "I'll give you covering fire." "I'm coming back!" "The yellow bastards are all arounus!" "Hey, Mitch" " Get down!" "What the hell are you doing back here?" "Where's the patrol?" "The place is loadewith Japs back there, too!" "Oh, there ain't no patrol." "He's on his bloody own." "Mitch..." "Mitch, there was nothing I couldo." "We'hait." "Look, the patrol came through." "There was a sniper up in a tree." "MacLeish was shot." "Anit was Smith anWhitaker" "Uhh!" "Uhh!" "Mitch!" "Aah!" "Christ." "Don't be a fool, Bammo." "Do we have to get killed?" "Let's pack it in." "Why, Bammo?" "Why do we all have to get lumbered?" "!" "Let's turn it in, Bammo!" "Come on, then!" "Here it is!" "Have this!" "Bamforth!" "Bammo?" "Bammo?" "Come on." "Come on, Bammo." "Bammo?" "Stop it!" "Here." "Here, look." "Look at this." "Come on." "Look at-- Look at this." "Look." "♪ Bless 'em all ♪" "♪ Bless 'em all ♪" "♪ The long anthe short ♪ ♪ anthe tall ♪" "♪ Bless all the sergeants ♪ ♪ anWO1s ♪" "♪ Bless all the corporals ♪ ♪ antheir bleeding' sons ♪" "♪ 'Cause we're saying ♪ ♪ goodbye to them all ♪" "♪ Hey-jig-a-jig, ♪ ♪ cook a little pig ♪" "♪ Follow the ban ♪" "♪ Follow the banall the way ♪" "♪ Singing hey-jig-a-jig, ♪ ♪ cook a little pig ♪" "♪ Follow the ban ♪" "♪ Follow the banall the way ♪" "♪ My husband's a corporal ♪" "♪ A corporal, a corporal ♪" "♪ A very fine corporal is he ♪" "♪ All day he knocks men about ♪" "♪ Knock men about, ♪ ♪ knocks men about ♪" "♪ At night he comes home ♪ ♪ anknocks me ♪" "♪ Singing hey-jig-a-jig, ♪ ♪ cook a little pig ♪" "♪ Follow the ban ♪" "♪ Follow the banall the way ♪" "♪ Singing hey-jig-a-jig, ♪ ♪ cook a little pig ♪" "♪ Follow the ban ♪" "♪ Follow the ban ♪ ♪ all the way. ♪"