"Do I smell Mom's special chicken noodle soup?" "That's right." "Box of Lipton's and a cut-up hot dog." "Man, that woman can cook." "What are you so happy about?" "It's Michael." "He's sick." "And that's a good thing?" "Yeah." "A sick boy needs his mother." "I'm necessary again." "Oh, look at him." "He looks so pale." "Dude, you look awful." "Yeah, I feel awful." "I think I got the flu." "Don't you tease me." "Sit down." "I wanna take your temperature." "Do you have a thermometer?" "I think I do, yeah." "When I left Days of Our Lives, I took a whole box of stuff." "They just let you take all that?" "When you shove it down your pants, they don't seem to mind." "Why is there writing all over everything?" "That's dialogue." "I used the props as cheat sheets when I had to remember difficult medical jargon." ""Hi, I'm Dr. Ramoray."" "That took 20 takes." "Oh, this stuff really takes me back." "All those years playing a doctor, I feel like I actually became one." "And these were the tools of my trade." "Knee hammer." "Ear looker." "Necklace." "Hi." "I'm here to read for Outraged Man." "Just sign in right here." "Like hell I will!" "Sorry, I bet people been doing that all day." "Nope." "You're the only one." "All right." "Yeah." "There are a lot of people here for such a small part." "There are no small parts." "Only small actors." "Do you mean children?" "I kind of need to go over my lines." "Not me." "I got it all right up here." "Nope." "Hey, buddy." "You need to look on?" "Yeah, thanks, man." "Oh, right." "I got it." "I'm Brian Michael David Scott." "That's a lot of names." "I'm a lot of actor." "I'm Joey Tribbiani." "Oh, please." "I know who you are." "Dr. Drake Ramoray from Days of Our Lives." "I'm a big fan of your work." "Really?" "Oh, thanks, man." "I'd offer you a Days of Our Lives T-shirt, but I only got two left..." "... andI liketo tradethoseforsex." "I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other." "Up for a lot of the same roles." "Male, mid 30s, dangerous but sensitive." "Man, this audition is taking a long time." "I'm gonna call my agent." "Speed dial." "Hi, Lisa, it's Bri Mi." "Look." "What?" "You're kidding." "No, wait, wait." "Don't blame yourself." "I'll call you back." "Bad news, man." "They canceled this audition." "They gave the part to someone else." "And no one here told us?" "Now I really am Outraged Man." "Well, who'd they give it to?" "Somebody who was willing to sleep with producers." "That's how this town works, isn't it?" "There, I said it!" "I guess we can go then, huh?" "You know, you go." "I'm gonna stick around." "My apartment doesn't have air conditioning." "All right." "Really great meeting you, Brian... ." "Brian Michael David Scott." "How do you feel about "dude"?" "Awesome, my brother." "Joey Tribbiani?" "Joey?" "Hey, did someone say my name?" "No." "No one did, but someday soon, everyone will." "I'm gonna go fix you more tea." "Hey, Gina, you've been here for a couple days now without a break." "Why don't you let me take over." "You know, go have a little Gina time." "I don't have Gina time anymore." "I'm a mother." "I don't go out." "I don't go on dates." "I don't have fun." "I don't do anything for myself anymore." "So you got those for Michael?" "Yeah, she's not going anywhere." "How you feeling?" "Not great." "But..." "... everything's gonna be fine tomorrow." "How do you figure?" "If she doesn't leave by then, I'm gonna kill myself." "Don't be so dramatic." "She said we're gonna flush my system, Joey." "I don't know what that means." "Your grandmother was the same way when I was sick." "I've had my system flushed." "Makes you ask yourself some big questions." "Joey, get up." "Michael's about to take his nap in here." "She makes me take a nap every day at 1 ." "Not tomorrow, though." "All right, I'll go watch TV in my room." "I put the humidifier in there." "It's filling up with steam." "What?" "Just take over my room?" "I got private stuff in there." "If you're worried about me reading your diary, too late." ""Dear diary, Gina's mean to me."" "That's going straight in the book!" "Look, Gina, I know Michael's sick, but this is my apartment." "I need some space." "Go to my place." "You can stay there till he gets better." "I don't wanna do that." "There's lasagna, and I have cinemax." "Get me the keys!" "No, thank you." "Thank you." "It's easy when the words are this good." "Hey, dude." "Hey, Joey." "How'd you do in there?" "Really well." "I know we're in competition for this thing." "But if I don't get it, I hope that you do." "How about that?" "You are awesome." "No, I'm Brian Michael David Scott, Joey." "Hey, you added a "Joey."" "Joey Tribbiani?" "Yeah, right here." "Oh, hey, buddy." "Listen, I got some inside info on this audition..." "... and I wouldn't leave without sharing it with my new best friend." "Oh, great." "What do you got?" "This casting director is deaf..." "... soyougottascreamallyourlines." "Thanks." "That is good to know." "Maybe your husband's funeral isn't the best place to tell you this  butI loveyou,Sharon!" "I love you with all my heart!" "So when will I know if I got it?" "What's the middle finger in sign language?" "Yeah, well, Mother, I don't understand what you're so upset about." "So they're gonna remove your uterus." "What do you need it for?" "Look, I gotta go." "Yeah, I love you too." "Bye." "What did you wanna see me about?" "I wanted to explain to you how the business works." "See, you book a job, and I get 1 0 percent." "Do you know what 1 0 percent of zero is?" "Six goes into 40... ." "God!" "I have never wanted to slap you more." "Look, you are screwing up your career." "You don't show up for an audition, you scream at a casting director." "The only reason I did that is because he's deaf." "Who told you that?" "Oh, this actor." "I see him at my auditions." "He gives me pointers." "Oh, wait a second." "Is he the reason why you went into an audition..." "... youthrewawayyourscript and you started barking?" "Yeah." "Did I get that part?" "Joey." "He's messing with your head." "What?" "Your little friend is shoving crap up your pooper." "Joey, you're such a sweet, naive guy." "But you can't let people take advantage of you." "I really liked him." "I can't believe this." "I can't believe they take the fat out of my ass and put it in my lips, but they do." ""But then she surprises me." "Like tonight." "She generously offered me her place to stay." "Well, I guess that's all for now." "Until tomorrow." "Sincerely... ." "Love, Joey."" "Hey, baby doll." "What?" "What?" "What?" "Who are you?" "Who are you?" "I'm Roger!" "I'm Joey!" "Well, that doesn't help us at all!" "I'm Gina's boyfriend." "Gina doesn't have one." "I'm her brother." "I would know." "You're her brother?" "You're not supposed to know about me." "can you pretend you don't know what's going on?" "I don't know what's going on!" "How do we decide which one of us gets to stay?" "Get out of here!" "Hey." "So I found out about your little secret last night." "God." "Last night was Wednesday." "I forgot." "Poor Roger!" "Poor Roger?" "Poor Roger's bed buddy." "That guy's all hands." "Let's not make a big deal about this, okay?" "Just some guy I been seeing." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because I knew you would tell Michael." "So?" "He doesn't like to know about that stuff." "When he was 1 2, I was seeing this guy." "He built a biodome in the back yard." "He wouldn't come out until I stopped dating him." "What's a bio dome?" "It's like a nerd fort." "He's an adult, all right?" "You could tell him if you're dating someone." "It's silly not to." "What's going on?" "Michael, come here." "Your mother has something she wants to tell you." "Have a seat." "Look, you know that I'm a woman, and that I have needs." "Oh, I don't like the direction of this at all." "I've been dating somebody." "It's been going on a couple of months now." "I know how sensitive you are." "Are you okay?" "I'm fine." "I just" " I need some time to process this." "Can you just give me a minute?" "Of course." "Yes, yes, yes!" "All right!" "What am I excited about?" "Don't you get it?" "She's finally met someone." "Therefore, I'm no longer the only thing in her life." "That is good." "It's great." "She could fall in love, get married." "What if he wants to be with her every minute and is jealous of her son..." "... andheturnsher againstme?" "Think of it!" "Yeah, yeah." "We could be free." "We could do whatever we want." "We could walk around here naked." "We can, but let's not." "Sorry, buddy." "My parts are begging to breathe." "We need to encourage my mom." "I need to give her my blessing." "We can have him over." "Yeah." "This is incredible!" "It's the greatest day of my life." "Come here." "Could you just give us a minute?" "Yeah." "Hey, Joey." "Listen, I'm next  buta littleheadsup on this casting director." "She just had a boob job..." "... and if you don't comment on them right away, she'll get very upset." "Not this time, Brian Michael David Scott." "You got it right." "I wrote on my hand..." "... so I wouldn't forget." "Why didn't you just write it on paper?" "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" "I know you've been screwing me out of jobs..." "... andI wannaknowwhy ,now ." "Okay, okay, you wanna know why?" "Yeah." "It's because I'm intimidated by you." "Oh, sure you are." "No, really." "When I saw you at that audition..." "... I was like, "I should just go home." "This guy's amazing."" "The director from yesterday doesn't think so." "I barked at him and licked his face." "I never told you to lick him." "I was in the moment." "I'm sorry I tricked you, but what am I supposed to do?" "I'm just a hack who's lucky to get a job." "You're Joey Tribbiani." "You're a real actor." "Hey, look, man." "There are no real actors." "Only small children." "I can't believe I treated you this way." "I wanna make it up to you." "I'm next." "They told me, "Go in whenever you're ready."" "You take my place." "I'm not even gonna audition." "Really?" "Yeah." "I've been a jerk." "For me." "Please." "Knock them dead." "Damn you, Pick Up Milk!" "Brian Michael David Scott!" "Okay, you guys." "Roger's gonna be here any minute to pick me up." "Are you sure you're okay meeting Roger?" "Well, I can't say it's gonna be easy  meeting the guy who's gonna take my mother away." "But I'll try to keep an open mind." "God, what a knock." "I approve." "Go to him." "Hey, Gina." "Hey." "Roger, you know Joey." "Know him?" "We were in bed together." "Hey." "Don't kiss and tell, Rog." "And I'd like you to meet my Michael." "Hey, what's shaking, little man?" "He is the chosen one." "Sit down, get to know each other." "Yeah." "Okay." "Perhaps a cocktail's in order." "I trust everyone here likes Jäger." "So, Roger, we are so glad you're with Gina." "We've never seen her happier." "Really?" "She's always yelling at me and calling me names." "Oh, no, no, no." "That's how we Tribbianis show affection." "Nerd." "Washed-up soap actor." "Virgin." "Here we go." "Three Jägers and one NyQuil." "Here you go, Papa." "Whoa, did I just call you that?" "It felt so natural." "We better get going if we wanna make that movie." "I'm just gonna go fix my face so I look presentable for my gentleman friends." "So, Rog, what do you do for a living?" "I was working for a big construction company in Newport..." "... butI lostatoe onthejob." "Oh, man." "I'm sorry." "Don't be." "I made a ton of money off it." "I mean, one minute, I'm standing on this table saw, drinking beer..." "... andthenextminute,Igot all these suits shoving checks at me." "Great." "But I burnt through that money quick..." "... soI gottafigureout away to get some more cash." "Not another toe?" "No, no, no." "I'm gonna lose a finger." "Thinking about losing a pinky." "There's so many ways." "You got drills, saws, sanders, punch presses." "Better get used to not using that one, huh?" "Well, work's not everything." "I'm sure you have some cool hobbies." "I like a nice pair of jeans." "Jeans?" "That's a hobby?" "I'm not a professional or anything." "We should probably get going." "Okay." "It was really good to meet you guys." "And a little tip." "If you slip in the movie-theater bathroom..." "... andhityourheadonthesink, free popcorn." "Yeah." "Bye." "What's the matter with you?" "Don't be doing this." "That's Roger after his next job." "Okay, so he's different." "Joey, the important thing is he likes her and he's taking her off my hands." "Whoa, Michael." "That's really selfish." "What's more important?" "Your space or your mother's happiness?" "My space." "And I had to pretend to think about it." "How was your movie?" "We were late." "We drove by a Levi's store, and Roger got sidetracked." "We have to talk." "Michael, anything you wanna say to your mother about Roger?" "I think he's a keeper." "No, he's not." "Gina, this guy's a joke." "Look, I know Roger's not the brightest or the funniest or the most ambitious." "But?" "It's not like I have a lot of choices." "Most guys my age are looking to date 20 year olds..." "... notgooutwithsomeone with a 20 year old." "He's the best I can do." "I'm not a great catch." "What are you talking about?" "You could always have anyone you wanted." "That was a long time ago, Joey." "Now I take what I can get." "Take what you can get?" "Mom, no, that's not okay." "You're... ." "You deserve a lot better." "I thought you liked him." "I did, but that's when I was lying." "I just thought that it would be good for you to have someone..." "... so you wouldn't have to worry about me so much." "You know, I mean, I am a grown man." "You're gonna fill out some, right?" "And you are a catch." "Are you kidding me?" "You're smart and you're funny and you're beautiful." "All my friends have crushes on you, Mom." "Yeah, well, I'm like the third girl those guys have seen." "You just gotta hold out until you find someone great, okay?" "And when you do..." "... even that guy won't be good enough, as far as I'm concerned." "Oh, Joey." "And you know, I wasn't gonna tell you this before..." "... but my fever's back." "Oh, you're so good to me!" "Okay, look." "I know you're probably still mad about that stairwell thing..." "... but,youknow,Isavedyourlife." "Right after you got locked in there, three masked gunmen burst into the" "No more crap up my pooper!" "You are about to be very sorry you ever messed with Joey Tribbiani." "Did you get a phone call from your agency?" ""Hello, Bri Mi." "It's Lisa." "The location of your audition's been changed."" "What?" "The location wasn't changed." "That audition is going on right now on the other side of town, my brother." "I was perfect for that part!" "Yeah, well, too bad." "Think hard before you mess with me..." "... becausefromnowon,  I'm fighting back." "Are we clear?" "Yeah." "Except for one thing." "lf I'm missing that audition..." "Oh, yeah." "... aren't you missing it too?" "come on, I'll give you a ride!" "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH]"