"Bring daddy the remote." "Bring the remote to daddy." "Come on, Emma." "I know you can do it." "Bring the remote to daddy." "Yes!" "Whoo!" "She's like a dog that can hold stuff." "Babies are amazing." "You know, babies aren't tiny bald butlers trained to serve you." "Uh, yeah they are." "And I know that because you trained me." "I was the only kid in preschool who could make a Margarita." "Aww, you were so cute when you said" ""Bwended or on the wocks?"" "All right, but we still need to baby-proof this place." "I mean, the sharp edges, the cabinets, the light sockets." "We are locking it down, people." "Mom, I appreciate you wanting to help, but I would never let anything bad happen to Emma." "I've got an eye on her 24/7." "Isn't that right, Emma?" "Emma?" " Oh my God." " Emma Emma!" "What are we gonna do?" "!" "Oh, I don't know." "Run!" "No, Danny, this way!" "Come on!" "Go." "Aw, come on." "Aren't you gonna ask me about my amazing weekend in the country with Georgie?" "Only if the story ends with you leaving her there." "Why don't you like her?" "I want you to like her." "I really like her." "Well, for one, she hates me, and two, she broke up me and Philip." "So not a huge fan." "I knew you were gonna hold that against her." "Is there any way you could just give her a second chance?" "For me?" "Please?" "Fine." "If you like her, then I will do my best to like her as well." "Thank you." " Hi, Danny." " Oh, hey." " Riley." " Hi." "If you're not careful, they're going to start charging you rent for that stool." "And that was my best." "All right, I am out of here." "Oh, what time do you need me to be ready for the banquet tomorrow?" "Oh, are you going to the rangers end-of-season banquet too?" "Uh, me too?" "Me only." "Me not going, am I?" "Sorry." "I kind of invited Georgie." "But you should meet us for the after-party." "It's always the most fun." "Danny, you can't do that to poor Riley." "Nobody wants to feel like a third wheel." "Especially when they've already been run over by one." "Now if you'll excuse me," "I'm just..." "I'm gonna go call my office and let them know I'm available for that overtime, after all." "Yay me." "Is it something I said?" "Uh, it was everything you said." "You know she's my best friend, right?" "I know." "I get it." "Actually, I don't think you do." "I don't want to start a relationship by laying down a bunch of rules, but you have to get along with Riley." "She's always been there for me, and I will always be there for her." "And I really need the two of you to be friends." "And I will." "It's only because you're so adorable." "No, you're so adorable." "No, you are." "We both are." "Jinx!" "You owe me a kiss!" "Mom?" "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "What's up with you?" "Did you baby-proof yourself into the drawer?" "No." "No, I'm just taking a break." "Excuse me?" "Did there used to be something here that we liked?" "I think we called it a foosball table." "Oh, that thing?" "It was a death trap." "It had to go." "No no no no no!" "That table is Emma's college fund." "Ben, having actually been to college, you know, I can pretty much assure you that they don't give out foosball scholarships." "No no no!" "Every day after work, I take a part of my tips and stick them in the little hole." "There were thousands of dollars in there, Mom." "Where is it?" "I sold it?" "You what?" "!" "Before you get too upset," "I would like to present you a $20 bill for Emma's new college fund." "Mom!" "Well, Honey, I'm sorry." "I sold it to a couple of nice fraternity brothers." "Oh, wait wait, huh?" "I still got their number." "All right, don't tell them I'm your mother." "I'm hoping to get invited to... a few rush parties, so." "Okay." "Well, I'll just tell them what happened and we'll go over there and get it, all right?" "My simple, naive, non-college-educated friend Ben." "Bro, I was a frat man, and we don't allow civilians into our world." "You know what?" "You're right." "I don't speak frat, but you do." "Come on, man, let's go get Emma's money back." "No no, guys!" "Hey!" "Hey, what about me?" "Oh, good." "It was just an extension." "Whoo." "Hi, uh..." "What happened to Danny?" "Oh, he had to head back to the rink." "Oh." "Bye!" "Riley!" "I thought maybe we could hang out a little." "Have some lunch." "There's no reason we can't be friends." "Sure there is." "Uh, you insult me constantly, you had your brother break up with me," "I got a super cute haircut that you didn't even mention." "Should I keep going, or are we good?" "Isn't there any way we can move on?" "Let the past be the past?" "Yeah..." "I'm thinking no." "But, um..." "What am I gonna tell everyone at "Vogue"?" "You know I work at "Vogue," right?" "Yeah, it's right up there at the top of my" ""life's not fair" list." "Well, um," "I was talking to a few of my colleagues about you, and we have this opening in legal." "I'm sorry." ""Vogue" needs a lawyer?" "Oh my God." "That's like my dream job." "I recommended you, but it would be awkward if we weren't really friends." "Why wouldn't we be friends?" "We are totally friends." "Look at us just sitting here being friends." "Okay, man, we lucked out." "It's rush week, and they're having a pledge party." "Okay, how does this sound?" "Hey, bros." "You wanna suck down some beer balls and kappa gamma some chicks?" "Ben..." "You are about to enter a secret society, okay?" "We have to blend in." "You know, make up new names for boobs, call everything "puppy."" "Like "let's chug this puppy,"" "or "dude, last night I puked all over this puppy."" "Get it?" "I got you, puppy." "Yeah, you don't get it." "Looks like someone ran over this puppy." " Now you get it." " Okay." "Hey, guys." "Welcome to the sigma beta kappa pledge party." "I am the cool, yet still approachable chapter president Todd." "How's it going?" "It's gonna be a great party, guys." "Listen, we're looking for a fraternity with a recently acquired foosball table." "Have you been beaten up by any guys like that?" "All the time." "But we actually just got our own." "See, Alfred?" "I told you a foosball table was a better investment than strippers." "You were right." "Plus, we got to meet that hot cougar lady, Bonnie." "Okay, well, I'm Ben and this is Tucker." "We were just hoping to have some beers and play some foosball." "Oh, sorry, guys." "We keep that puppy locked up." " See?" "Told you." " Yeah." "Only brothers allowed, but as soon as you pledge, you'll be on your way to an all-access pass to friendship." "Um, yeah, no no no." "We're not pledging." "Then I'm afraid we're gonna have to ask you to leave." "Please?" "Oh, no no no." "He meant we're not pledging for any other fraternities but yours." "We're in." "Let's pledge this puppy!" "Okay, now you're just showing off!" "Oh, hey, Danny." "Oh." "Hey, Mom." "Honey, help me, all right?" "I baby-proofed myself out here." "I didn't hear a "please."" "I think I'm ready to face the walk of shame." "I don't know why people call it that." "I'm always like, "hey, look at me!" "I just had sex."" "Well, I want to get out of here before anyone sees me." "Too late." "Hey, Georgie, can I get a little help here?" "Bro, we just have to break into the chapter room and steal my table back." "Hey, what's up, Mom?" "Ben, being a pledge means being hazed, okay?" "Being hazed means doing things." "Scary things." "Gross things." "Things that may make you question your sexuality years later." "Well, I don't care." "We're doing it for Emma." "Should we rescue your mom?" "Ehh." "We could, but then she'd never learn her lesson." "Remember that one, Mom?" "I'm gonna kill you." "Oh, that's the office." " I'm gonna take this outside." " Okay." "Oh my God, get ready to meet the new in-house counsel for "Vogue" magazine." "Thanks to your amazing girlfriend, who I love, I just had one of the best interviews of my life." "Hey, that's great, Riles." "Way to break that glass ceiling." "How about you come over here and break this glass window?" "Mom trapped herself out on the fire escape." "Have you learned from your mistakes and how you'll do things differently next time?" "I'm gonna kill you." "Ooh, that sounds like another 10 minutes to me." "Hey, if you want to go say thank you to Georgie, she's on the fire escape." "I've got a team meeting, but I'm really glad you guys are getting along." "Yeah." "Could someone at least turn on the TV?" "Thank you so much for giving that fake interview to Riley." "She'll never know that job doesn't exist." "Uh, I think she knows." "Riley." "I can explain." "Okay." "But I'm gonna be listening for the phrase" ""I'm a bitch."" "So maybe I can't explain." "Why would you get my hopes up for a job that doesn't even exist?" "I'm sorry." "I was just trying to get you to like me." "Oh." "Oh my God, is that it?" "Oh, well, we should just hug, or braid each other's hair, or throw each other off the roof." "I'll start." "Is there any way you could maybe not mention this to Danny?" "Mention it?" "I am going to turn it into a play and then perform it for him." "It's called "I told you so."" "So if you'll excuse me" "I'm gonna go high five myself." "Okay." "Damn it, they really do keep it locked up." "Oh, here they come." "Abort abort." "Pledges, step forward and prepare to be marked for life." "Bear your arms." "Oh, I was afraid of this." "Branding." "Branding?" "Like cattle?" "Nope." "Tattooed." "Like a badass." "Seriously?" "!" "That's it?" "Dude, you're supposed to make us do naked push-ups, give us humiliating nicknames, blindfold us and drop us off in the woods with a match and a toenail clipper." "I barely survived out there, man!" "Why would we do that?" "Because we're pledges." "It's what you're supposed to do." "Here's an idea." "Maybe we can clean the floors using toothbrushes while you guys go out and party?" "Or to the library, your choice." " You'd really do that?" " Yeah, you bet." "That's just how much we want to be here." "New plan." "I decree the pledges clean the house with toothbrushes." "Brothers, get them your toothbrushes." "Wait..." "But if you leave, how will you know we'll stay and do the work?" "Excellent point." "Remove your pants." "There you go." "Good work, brother Tucker." "Oh, Danny Danny Danny." "Do I have a story for you, all right?" "Curtain rises on a beautiful girl." "Let's call her Riley." "The evil ice queen, let's call her your girlfriend..." "She's not my girlfriend." "I just got off the phone with her." "Damn it." "She told you?" "I wanted to be the one to tell you." "Can I still tell you?" "Why would you want to tell me that she was breaking up with me?" "You mean you're breaking up with her." "No." "Why would I break up with her?" "I was falling in love with her." " You were?" " Yeah." "I thought she was falling in love with me." "You did?" "I just never had feelings like that really except for you..." "You know, no one." "Well..." "What exactly did she tell you?" "Just that it was too hard." "That she could see this was never going to work." "That I had too many rules, which makes no sense because I only had the one that she had to get along with you." "You said that to her?" "Yeah." "And now you guys are best friends, and I just got dumped." "Do you think it'd be weird if I asked you to stop talking to her?" "It's the least I can do." "Dude, I can't believe you couldn't break in to your own foosball table." "Hey, I called in an expert." "All right, almost there." "Oh, all right." "And here we go." "Emma's college fund is found." "And it's not even enough to apply to college." "Really, Ben?" "A fistful of ones and an expired sandwich coupon?" "!" "Wow." "You know, now that I think about it," "I only started doing this a couple weeks ago." "Let's get out of here." "That was super funny." "What the heck is going on here?" "!" "And why is the foosball cougar here?" "I knew you'd find me." "Look, here's the truth." "This is my foosball table." "My mom accidentally sold it to you." "It has my daughter's college fund inside of it." "You have a kid?" "What's it like having sex?" "Hot... that's not the point." "Look, there no longer is a point, okay?" "'Cause there's no money in there, so we'll see you." "You guys are really leaving?" "Oh, hell yes." "I am in my boxers for a fistful of ones." "You might as well start calling me Cinnamon." "Well, it looks like we're not gonna be a fraternity anymore." "What are you talking about?" "We haven't met our minimum number of pledges." "We stopped looking after you guys walked in and pledge week ends tonight." "So it's over for sigma beta kappa." "Wow, man." "That's a really sad story." "Well, good luck." "Mom, you coming?" "Yeah yeah, in a minute." "Sorry I can't help you out, Kid." "But..." "I mean, Danny would have figured out what kind of person Georgie is eventually, right?" "Totally." "It's good she's gone." "You know what?" "I couldn't even pledge if I wanted to, so I shouldn't feel guilty, right?" "Oh my God, no." "You feel guilty when you break up your best friend's relationship just to get even with his girlfriend." "Which I didn't do." "Which is why..." "I do not feel guilty." "Hey, delusion one and two." "This just in... you're both horrible people." "Mom, I had to." "I thought Emma's college fund was at stake." "Well, congratulations, Man." "Your savings plan was about as lame as that frat house." "Yeah." "If you're trying to make me feel guilty..." "It's working." "Look, I mean.." "Yeah, sure, their party skills were pathetic and the only girl they could get was your mom." "But..." "At least they had each other." "You know what, Tucker?" "You're right." "You may speak frat, but I parlez vous partay." "Let's go help those nerds." "Who's with me?" "Really?" "I just called Georgie's office." "She's actually flying home to London." "I drove her out of the country." "Can we at least acknowledge how impressive that is?" "Georgie!" "Georgie, wait!" "Riley?" "Excuse me, pardon me." "Sorry." "What are you doing here?" "How did you even get in?" "Not easy." "Security had no sense of romance." "Finally had to buy a ticket." " To London?" " Newark." "It's the London of New Jersey." "I can't let you do this." "Okay?" "I can't let you walk away from this relationship." "I don't think I have a choice." "You do." "You do have a choice." "All right, 'cause you can get on that plane and fly away from possibly the best thing that ever happened to you, or you can come back with me and say yes." "Say yes to love." "Nothing will change between us." "It will." "It will change." "That's what I'm saying." "It'll be different." "I promise." "You and me... we'll start over." "Really?" "Really." "Oh, we're not..." "You know what?" "Never mind." "Well, I guess you don't have to leave the country for good now." "Leave the country?" "It's a two-day trip to London for the magazine." "I had postponed it for Danny's banquet." "Well, you might want to have a little chat with your assistant." "She can be kind of vague." "Looks like these guys are finally catching on." "Dude, I just found a goat in one of the bedrooms and a pledge glued to the ceiling." "I couldn't be prouder." "Hey, when you're blessed with so much coolness, sometimes it just feels good to give back." "Hey, guys!" "We've recruited enough pledges to save the house." "I can't thank you enough." "Hey, you're welcome." "And if I ever get around to going to college," "I will definitely pledge here..." "If none of the cool houses will have me." "Well, if you will excuse me," "I have to go show brother Todd here how he can use his high G.P.A. To get a cheerleader." "It's mathematically possible." "Oh, hey, Danny." "You and the team really came through." "I appreciate it." "What can I say?" "The guys respond well to the words" ""free beer and college girls."" "Now if I can just get Georgie out of my head, then I might actually enjoy myself." "Or maybe if you actually saw her, it would be even better." "Hey." "Look who I ran into randomly doing nothing, going nowhere." "So what have I missed?" "Besides you." "Nicely done." "So, you still think we're horrible people?" "Horrible people who can sleep tonight." "Together?" "Not a chance." "Honey." "Bonnie, delta baba ghanonous." "I'm a student, you're a student." "Want to form a student union?" "Aah!" "Oh my God." "Hi, there." "Don't we have chemistry together?" "Class and the other kind?" "Want to form a compound?" "Hi, Bonnie Wheeler." "Divorced 40-something mother of two with a granddaughter and even a grander sense of adventure." "Can you deal with that?" "All right." "Buckle up, peaches."