"# From Mayfair to Park Lane" "# You will hear the same refrain" "# In every house again, again" "You rang, m'lord?" "# Stepping out on the town" "# The social whirl goes round and round" "# The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "# The bunny hug at the Shim-Sham Club" "# The Charleston at the Ritz" "# And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "# They give off more than a thousand fits" "# Saucy flappers in cloche hats" "# Natty chappies in white spats" "# The upper set is going bats #" "You rang, m'lord?" "Daddy's very late down." "Did you knock on his door, Stokes?" "Yes, miss." "Several times." "Was he awake when you took him his tea, Ivy?" "No, Miss Cissy, I went in with it, drew the curtains, and shook his lordship hard." " What happened?" " He just went... (Groans ) and rolled over." "That will do, Ivy." " Uncle Teddy's late down as well." " His bed was not slept in, Miss Poppy." "As Mrs Lipton would say, least said, soonest mended." "(Bell)" "Are you all right, sir?" "We were very concerned." "I have never felt better in my entire life." "I saw the sun rise over the Serpentine." "The larks were singing in the sky." "The little ducks were going quack, quack, quack." "Excuse me, sir, you've got bits of grass all over your back." "Oh, don't bother about that." "Good morning, family." "Just coffee, please, Stokes." "Rose and I had breakfast at the coffee stall." "Why has Maurice Chevalier come to breakfast?" " It's Uncle Teddy, Grandmother." " Oh..." "I wondered why he was speaking with an English accent." "You certainly look happy, Uncle Teddy." "I feel like a million dollars." "Well, if you can find it, give it to poor Daddy." "Oh..." "How is the old sourpuss this morning?" "Ah!" "Good morning, George." "We were just talking about you." "I'm sorry I'm late down." "I didn't sleep very well last night." " Coffee and kedgeree, please, Stokes." " Very good, m'lord." " Your Times, sir." " No, thanks." "I've had enough bad news." "Oh, cheer up, George." "You should've been with me when I saw the dew on the grass in Kensington Gardens at five o'clock this morning." " Haven't you been to bed?" " No, George, I've been...to paradise." " With Rose." " Poppy!" " That'll be all, Stokes." " Very good, m'lord." "Here we go again." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself." "The family facing ruin and you sit there, talking a lot of romantic drivel." "Don't you see, George?" "I'm free." "Now that there's no money, you've got no hold over me." "I can do what I bally well like." " I'm going to marry Rose." " What are you going to do for money?" "I don't need it." "Love makes a poor man rich... and a beggar a prince." "You just worry about yourself, George." "Well?" "What are we going to do, Daddy?" "Well, you're all right." "You're going to marry Jerry." "He's got pots." "Why don't you sell a few slaves, George?" "It always worked in the past." "What are they saying?" " Things do not look good, Ivy." " Lord Meldrum will weather the storm." "What makes you say that?" "How can you have so much faith in the upper classes?" "Half of them are idiots!" "They don't make money, they inherit it." " At least they are loyal to each other." " The other toffs will help him." "Don't you believe it, Ivy." "The knives are out for Lord Meldrum." "I'm taking no chances." "I'm gonna have a look round." "A man of my experience and integrity could get a position anywhere." "Will his lordship give you a good reference?" "Just so long as he doesn't check the wine cellar." " (Bell)" " James, the door." " Does Meldrum live here?" " This is Lord Meldrum's residence, yes." "Christie's." "Come to collect some pictures and silver to be sold." "Keep your voice down." "Tradesmen's entrance." "Have a bit of common, mate." "Carrying pictures round corners can damage them." "Come in quickly." "At least you've come in a plain van." "That's our policy." "We're always discreet." "Mind you, it fools nobody." "The same van will be outside plenty more posh houses before dinner time." "Wait." " Men from Christie's." " I know." "I'd better inform his lordship." "At a time like this, the last thing I want to talk about is your birth-control clinic." "Excuse me, sir." "The men from Christie's are here." "Shall I tell them to come back?" " No, carry on." " Very good, m'lord." "Right, James." "Ivy." "Get the list." " Don't you want us?" " No." " What's going on in...?" " His lordship is having his breakfast." "What's first, Ivy?" "One Devonshire red bull in field facing west, by Jack Potty." "Right." "Daddy, what on earth's going on?" "We're selling one or two things to tide us over." "Oh, well, I'm glad you're getting rid of that great bull." "I can't stand the thing." "Make sure no one's watching in the street." "All clear, Daddy." "Just that policeman hanging about." " Make them put a dustsheet over it." " Very good, m'lord." " Enjoying his bacon and eggs, is he?" " Mind your own business." "Don't forget to cover it with a sheet, or something." "What's next, Ivy?" "One Devonshire red bull in field facing east, by Jack Potty." "Oh, so they're taking the other one." "Oh, well, at least it won't be lonely." " You'll be selling off the family silver next." " One pair of silver candle bras." "George i-i-i." "Those two there." "Hello?" "Anyone at home?" " What's going on?" " Milking time." "Oh, good morning, Lady Agatha." "Morning, Ivy." "Sorry I'm so early, but I must speak to Lord Meldrum." "I'll wait in the drawing room." "Don't bawl it out." "Be discreet." "Right." "Discreet." "Discreet." "All our lovely things." "It's really too bad, Daddy." "Well, as Karl Marx said, all property is theft." "What a bloody stupid thing to say." "Poppy, go to your room!" "That's the last time I'm taking orders from you." " What is it, Ivy?" " (Mouthing)" " What?" " (Mouthing)" "I can't hear you." " What on earth's the matter?" " Lady Agatha is in the drawing room, m'lord." " Why didn't you tell me?" " She said I had to be discreet." " Shall I announce you?" " What?" " Shall I say who you are?" " She knows who I am." " Agatha." " Hello, George." " My darling." " No, George." " It's all over." " What?" " It's got to stop." " But I haven't started yet." "There was a terrible scene last night about us." "Ralph's forgiven me, but he's made me promise I'll never see you again." " Then why are you here?" " I had to tell you." "Then I'll never see you again." "You could never not see me again." " I'm going to try." " You don't have to." "I couldn't sleep at all last night, thinking about the two of us." "And I've come to a decision." "Let Ralph divorce you." " I want to marry you." " But, George!" "Think of the scandal, the Royal Enclosure, the House of Lords, your club." "What would Reith say?" "He'd never let you be a BBC governor." "I don't care." "He'll have to manage without me." " You'll be ruined." " What's it matter?" "Love makes a poor man rich and a beggar...very rich, or something." " But you'll lose all your friends." " I don't care." "I'll have you." "That's all I want." "I should be frank." "I've had a few business setbacks." " I may have to draw my horns in a bit." " Oh, George." "No, no, but I've worked it all out." "If I sell up here, I'll have enough money to buy a little house for us in Wimbledon." " Where's Wimbledon?" " Go over the bridge and it's just past Putney." "Really?" "Look, we won't have the business of cars and servants, all that sort of thing." "There'll just be the two of us, living the simple life." "Might even have a couple of bicycles." "Oh, no, George, I couldn't, not Wimbledon." "And I did promise Ralph." "But you said you couldn't stand him pawing and slobbering all over you." "I know I did, but he looks after me." "And he's very, very rich." "Goodbye, George." "I shall never forget you." " But, Agatha..." " I can't stop now, darling." "I'll be late for the hairdresser's." "Oh..." "Excuse me, m'lord." "(Whimpers softly)" "Oh, don't be upset, m'lord." "It doesn't go, anyway." "Mark my words." "It's the beginning of the end." "Any minute now, he'll send for us all, make a boring speech about how wonderful we are, and then cut another 16 per cent off our wages." "Oh, I hope not." "My threepence an hour won't stand another 16 per cent." "It was very sad to see that beautiful pair of Georgian candelabra go." "Not for me, I had to clean them." "Those candlesticks have been in the family since I was a tweeny." "Many's the time I've cleaned them." "It's awful seeing everything breaking up." "Take my advice, Mrs Lipton." "Get onto the agency as quick as you can." "Do you think it's as bad as that, Mr Stokes?" "Oh, but I couldn't leave his lordship." "Never mind his lordship." "You're not getting any younger." " You've got to think of your future." " Yes, I suppose I have." " We've all got to think of our future." " Losing faith in the aristocracy, are we?" "I thought you'd stay and go down with the ship." "I'm not a complete idiot." " Morning, all." " Morning." " How's the tea situation, Mrs Lipton?" " Help yourself." "I saw the stuff going in the plain van." "I remember when I had to sell my furniture." "Wasn't Christie's that came for it." "It was a rag-and-bone man." "Excuse me, Constable Wilson." "I'd like you to step outside." "Eh?" "Oh, all right." "What's she gonna do?" "Give him a good hiding?" "If Mrs Lipton wishes to have a private word, it's no concern of yours, Henry." "No listening at the larder window, Mabel." "His lordship was ever so upset when that drawing-room clock went." "He had tears in his eyes." "It doesn't go, anyway." "That's what I told him, but he didn't stop crying." "Oh, it's ever so sad." "It's all happened so suddenly." "A week ago, we were all happy and jolly and now everything's at sixes and sevens." "What did I tell you?" "Their days are numbered." "It was bound to happen sooner or later." "You said when that happened, they'd be down here and we'd be upstairs drinking champagne." "When's it going to change over?" "You just bide your time, Ivy." "In the meantime, Mr Stokes will continue to drink his lordship's champagne down here." "Shall I tell them or will you?" "No, you." "You may or may not be aware that in recent days I have been paying court to Mrs Lipton." "Or should I say Blanche?" "And today I have done her the honour of asking her to marry me." "And I've said yes." "Oh, congratulations, Mrs Lipton!" "And may the best man win." "Here you are, Daddy." "Knock that back." "Look." "Please don't upset yourself, Daddy." "You know, she really isn't worth it." " But I love her." " But she made a fool of you, Daddy." "People were talking and laughing behind your back." "I don't like to see you humiliated." "But Agatha was such fun." "She made me feel alive." "And young." "She made a lot of people feel alive and young." "She's been doing it for years." "Everything seems to have happened at once." "Two weeks ago, I was on top of the world." "And now I'm finished." "It's no good wallowing in your misfortune." "What are you going to do about it?" "And the factory workers?" "They have families to support." " They'll get the dole." " 18 shillings a week?" "Fat lot of good that is!" "I can't do anything." "Stocks of rubber are practically exhausted." "You still have the factory and the workers." " Start making something else." " Let's be sensible." "Something like that takes a lot of capital." "With all these disasters, the bank wouldn't lend me a penny." "(Knocking)" "You rang, Lady Lavender?" "Could you get that box down for me, please?" " Heights make me feel dizzy." " Yes, Lady Lavender." "I'll hold the chair." "Oh, what have you got in it?" "The family jewels?" "Not a bad guess." "There!" "What do you think of that?" " Are they real?" " Of course they're real!" "This was given to me by my father on my 21st birthday." "For being a good girl." "And that was given to me by the Turkish ambassador." "For not being a good girl." "He also gave me a box of Turkish delights." "But I ate it a long time ago." "And that was given to me by Baron von Sinkhausen." "He was German." "I didn't like him." "What are you going to do with them?" "I want you to go out and buy me something." " What?" " The Union Jack Rubber Company." "My son-in-law's made a complete mess of the whole thing." "Take them." " Oh, I really can't." " Do as you're told, Ethel!" "Yes, m'lady." "Did Lady Lavender really say you could have all this, Ivy?" " Yes, she did." " Then there's no further argument." "Attenborough's will give us a good price." "Then we split it three ways, pack our bags and clear off!" "Oh, no, you don't." "You know how eccentric Lady Lavender is." " It would be no better than stealing." " Mr Twelvetrees is right, Dad." "Lady Lavender said she wanted the money to be used to save the factory." "Giving it to his lordship is as good as chucking it down the drain." "What are you supposing we do?" "Buy the factory ourselves?" "Well, why not?" "What experience have we of running a rubber factory?" "We're only servants." "There you go again. "We're only servants."" "You won't countenance the aspirations of the working class." "Socialist claptrap!" "Don't start, please!" "Look, there's only one member of this family we can trust." "That's Miss Cissy." " Let's go and talk to her about it." " Very well." "We'll wait until this evening when we can see her alone." "The wedding's in three weeks' time." "Oh, how marvellous!" " Where are we having it?" " Catford." " Catford." " At the church my mum and dad go to." "And then Flo and Vi are gonna be my bridesmaids." " Are they housemaids?" " Yes, they are." "Oh, what heaven!" "After the ceremony, we're gonna have a knees-up." " At a gymnasium?" " No!" "At the Co-op Social Club." " Oh, Rose..." " Oh, Mr Teddy..." "Call me Teddy." "Oh, I couldn't." "Not before we're married." " Miss Cartwright, sir." " Oh, my God!" "Goodbye." "What is going on, Teddy?" "I've been trying to speak to you for days." "Last time you telephoned, something was wrong with the machine." "It went... (Blows raspberry )" "There was nothing wrong with the machine." "It was me that went..." "You might as well know, Madge, I'm going to marry Rose." "We've been through all this before, Teddy, when you eloped with her to Gretna Green." "I'm really going to marry her this time." "At Catford." " But why?" " How many times do I have to tell you?" "Because I love her." "How could you do this to me?" "You took my honour." "You came to my room, you made love to me time and time again." "Oh, no, I didn't." "You bally well helped yourself." "You cad!" "Yes, I am a cad." "My brother made me a cad." "He threatened that if I didn't marry you, he'd make me go and live in the jungle with the snakes." "Looking after the bally rubber!" "Well, that doesn't matter any more now because the Bango Khan beetle has eaten it all." "So now I can marry Rose." "That's the end." "I told myself it didn't matter that you were a complete silly arse!" "I was prepared to overlook your murky past and adopt all your little bastards." "What I cannot overlook is your obsession with housemaids." "The Cartwright soap empire could have been yours." "Well, marry your servant girl." "And I shall send you a very special wedding present." "A box of carbolic soaps stamped with the word... pervert!" "Your socks don't half have big holes in them, Henry." "Too big for my mushroom!" "I'm on my feet a lot." "If I sat down, I'd get holes somewhere else." "Thanks for doing them for me, Ivy." "Oh, I don't mind." "I like looking after people." "When you say "people", do you mean all people or just me?" "All people." "But especially you, Henry." "I notice you don't darn Mr Twelvetrees' socks." "I don't think his socks get holes in them." "He wouldn't allow it!" "If we all get the sack, what are you gonna do, Ivy?" "Oh, I don't know." "It's too awful to think about." "We could try and get somewhere together." "As housemaid and second footman." "Then in a few years, we could be housekeeper and butler." "I want to stay with you, Ivy." "You're the only real friend I've ever had." "Except for a Labrador." "I do like you so very much, Henry, but...well, you know." "Yeah, I know." "James Twelvetrees." "Oh, I do love him so, Henry." "But what's the use?" "Still, I'm glad he's out of Miss Poppy's clutches." "Will you go back on the halls with your dad?" "It must be a wonderful, exciting life." "Don't you believe it." "You never know where your next meal is coming from." " Miss Cissy's alone." "We'll see her now." " Just coming." " What are you seeing Miss Cissy about?" " How dare you?" "Mind your own business!" "You still got time to change your minds." "We could take that stuff to Attenborough's, sell it, divide the money up, and if you're worried, we could be in France by lunchtime." "Come along, Ivy." "I think we'll be better off without your father." " (Telephone )" " I'll be up in a minute." "Hello." "Lord Meldrum's residence." " Hello." "Mr Stokes?" " Mr Barnes!" "Are you at the factory?" " (Men singing)" " No, I'm at the Red Lion, waiting for you." "We've been expecting you." "You said that you'd come." "Thanks, Jock." "You said that you'd come and talk to us about the fire." " What fire?" " Burning down the Acme Rubber  Latex Co." "Shh!" "Do you want the whole world to know?" "Oh..." "Shh." "Shh." "(Whispers ) Burning down the Acme Rubber  Latex Company." "To put them out of business so that we can get the rubber." "Oh!" "I forgot all about it." "Did you have a good dekko at the place?" "No, but Jock did." "He made this little map." "I have to tell you, I don't think it's going to be very easy." "You've got it upside-down." "Not if I'm coming from Esser Road, I've not." "There's a side door, but they've got a nightwatchman." " We'll soon take care of him." " He's an old man." "That'll make it easier." "Look, I don't want you to think I'm backing out, Mr Stokes, but..." "I'm not too happy about this." "I think we should discuss it a bit more." "All right, then." "Same time tomorrow night." "(Gasps )" "Don't start, Jock." "I mean, what shall I do, Miss Cissy?" "Lady Lavender tries to give me all sorts of things." "She's always doing it." "She gave Ivy her shares, a suitcase full of money." "She even gave me her bed and she was still in it!" "With his lordship being so upset, we thought it best to bring it to you." "She said I was to sell it and buy the factory." "Did she indeed?" "Well, with respect, Miss Cissy, if you don't mind me saying so, she said that your father, his lordship, was making a mess of running the factory." "Perhaps she's not as potty as we all think." "I'm glad they're here, miss." "We've been arguing about what to do with that jewellery." "I insisted that they do the honest thing and bring it to you, miss." "This could be our lifeline." "Grandmother might've had the right idea." "What, you mean really buy the factory?" "If we can't get any rubber, we have to find a new product." "That's going to take new machinery, new materials, new ideas." "With this, we could do it." "Thing is, we've got the manpower, miss." "The workers won't wait." "They'll want money." "They always do." "We could form a workers' cooperative like in Russia." "Everybody sharing." "My father will provide the factory, the workers their labour, and this the money." " Ain't it exciting?" " Yeah." "Well, gentlemen, I've been making a lot of enquiries." "It seems there's a whole new world opening up, new materials." "The Germans call them "ersatz"." "And as we have no rubber," "I suggest we switch our production entirely and use them and resins to make things like Bakelite." "With respect, Miss Cissy, Bakelite is very funny stuff." "You've got to get the temperature just right and it's murder on your extruders." "We'll get new machinery." "I have enough capital." "Yes, Lady Lavender's given Miss Cissy her jewels to sell." "Bakelite bubbles like billy-o." "It gives off some terrible, smelly fumes." "We'll have to enlarge all the extractors." " Then we will." " But this could take time to set up." "Aye, and who's going to pay the workers?" "There has to be a lay-off of four weeks." "I knew it!" "Here it comes." "Kindly let Miss Cissy finish." " Then we form a workers' cooperative." " Aye." "Like they do in Russia." "And you and his lordship will skim off the cream, eh?" "Don't start, Jock." "Let's hear the whole story." "My father is putting in the factory." "I am putting in the capital." "All profits will be shared." "You may look at the accounts at any time." "It all sounds very reasonable." "You must admit it's better than being out of work." " Or arson." " (Coughs )" " Arson?" " It's a material they use in the factory!" "Well, that's the proposition." "Do you think the workers will go along with it?" "They won't take orders from a woman." "I'll tell you that now." "You missed the point, Jock." "I am not giving orders." "We're in this together." "We will have a committee." "All decisions will be taken by democratic vote." "Like they do in Russia." " Are they in it?" " Oh, no!" "We just gave Miss Cissy the jewellery." " Hang on a minute." " We couldn't possibly take part." "Mr Barnes is the foreman and I am the shop steward." "So would there be a bigger share for us?" "I thought this would happen." "There's always someone who wants more, usually a greedy Scotsman." "Greedy, am I?" "You stuck-up, po-faced Sassenach lackey!" "Don't start, Jock." "Keep calm." "I can't hold him much longer." "I'm sorry, Poppy." "Lavender had the papers drawn up and there's nothing I can do." "Cissy is in full charge." "Actually, she's doing rather well." "She's a born capitalist." "Oh, yes, she's always been your favourite, hasn't she?" "My little Cissy this, and my little Cissy that." "What about when we were small?" "I was asleep in the back of the car and you went into a sweet shop and bought ice creams, and because I was asleep, Cissy had mine!" "It's always been the same." "Why didn't you wake me up?" "Well..." "The ice cream was melting and you were wearing a new frock." "Excuses." "Always excuses." "The sooner I marry Jerry and get out, the better." "It's St Margaret's in a month's time." "You'd better get on with it." "Well, the fact is, I'm a bit short at the moment." "Couldn't you and Jerry steal away and get married in a register office?" " Register office." " Hmm." "No, I tell you what!" "The constable and Mrs Lipton are getting married in two weeks' time." "Why don't you persuade them to let them share with you?" "Share?" "Share?" "You're asking me, your own daughter, to get married with a cook and a policeman?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "(Wails)" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "It was only a suggestion." "Oh, Mr Twelvetrees, don't it look a picture?" "Not like my wedding." "We had a few sausage rolls and a bit of eel and ham pie." "Someone had pinched the egg out of the middle." "Here's one for us." "Put it in the icebox, Mabel." " Where did you get to this morning?" " Round to Mrs Edwards Domestic Agency." " I don't think that'll be necessary." " Just as well." "There's nothing doing." "The place was packed with footmen." "Some were taller and better-looking than you." "The flower man's been." " Who are the rest for?" " That lot upstairs." " His lordship is giving her away." " Shall I put them in the lift?" "Certainly not, Henry." "Take them up." "Put them on the silver salver." " He sold it last Thursday." " Use the electroplate one from the hall." "Oh, Ivy, you do look nice." "Yes, Ivy." "Come here." "You look very pretty." "Take your glasses off." "Put them back on again." "Here comes the bride." "Oh, my feet are killing me!" "Oh, Mrs Lipton!" "You look like a ship in full sail!" "Yeah." "The Titanic." " More champagne, Lavender?" " No, I'm all right, thank you." "I've got my own." "Well, here we all are." "Isn't this delightful?" "You know, I've never married a cook before." "You could've let them have the reception up here." "No, they're much happier below stairs." "It's their own world." "What are you going to do with yourself now, Teddy?" "Remember that car Madge Cartwright gave me?" "She made me take it back." "The chap in the showroom was at Eton with me." "He's offered me a job." "I start next week." "Oh, good luck to you. (Cackles ) Good luck to Teddy, everybody!" "You've had enough, Jerry." "Oh, yes." " Know a lot about cars, do you?" " No, not really." "You'll probably do jolly well, then." "Excuse me, m'lord." "Your floral tributes." "Daddy!" "You can't wear that ghastly, common thing." "Henry, take all that green stuff off." "Not here." "How can you humiliate yourself like this?" " Giving away one of the servants!" " It's the least I can do." "I shall have to sack most of them next week." "What time is this?" "You're best man." "You should have been here half an hour ago." "He would insist on calling in the pub on the way." " I needed something to give me courage." " I'm the one who's marrying her not you!" "Don't you think we ought to go in?" "Not for the moment." "I want to collect me thoughts." " I'm sure you're doing the right thing." " Yes, I'm sure I am." "She's a good woman." "And a good cook." " And she won't stray." " Oh, she won't stray." "I'm sure you'll be able to do something about the snoring." "I was worrying about that all night." "It's not a very big bedroom." "Come on, Mrs Lipton, you'll be late." "The blushing bride is entitled to be late at her own wedding." "Now, listen, Mabel." "I spent two days preparing all this food." "I don't want any of it touched." "Is that clear?" "Yes, Mrs Lipton." "I wonder if I ought to go." "Well, you can't back out now." "No, no!" "Go somewhere." "Oh, you'll be all right." "Yes, I'll be all right." "( # Mendelssohn:" "Wedding March)" "Come out of there, you silly fellow!" "That's charming." "Quite charming." "Thank you for giving me away, your lordship." "You did it beautifully." " I'm so honoured." " What a shame your father wasn't here." "He'd be 107." " Everybody, line up for a photograph!" " Shut up!" " I'm fed up with you bossing us about." " She's only trying to help, Poppy." "You shut up as well!" "I hope you'll be very happy, Mrs Wilson." "Thank you, Ivy." "There'll always be a place in my heart for you." "Look out, he's watching." "Come on, line up!" "Line up, everyone!" "Right, everybody smile for the camera." "Where is it?" "Open another bottle, Henry." "(Posh voice ) I'm afraid that's the ultimate of the bin, m'lord." "(Cockney ) There's none left." "May I offer a South African dry sherry?" "All right, but don't mix them." "Here's to your health, George." "You survived these difficult times very well." "It's all due to Cissy." "Here's to you, Cissy." " Are you going to toast Cissy all night?" " She deserves it, old girl." "Shut up!" "I'm fed up with it." "And I should like to toast my dear little Rose." "She's made me the happiest man in the world." "I'm so happy for you, Uncle Teddy." "Speech, Rose!" "There she goes again, telling people what to do." "Speech, Rose!" "All I want to say is how proud and happy I am to be married to Mr Teddy." "Oh!" "I mean Teddy!" "And I would like to congratulate Rose and let's hope that my own dear wife will be whispering news very soon about our own little stranger." "Sit down, Jerry!" "You're making a fool of yourself." "Sorry to have kept you waiting for your pud!" " I'll give you a hand." " Can I help?" "Sit down, Jerry!" "Honestly, Daddy." "You could have borrowed one of our butlers." " And a cook." " Sorry the custard's a bit lumpy." "I can't seem to get the hang of it." "I love lumpy custard." "We used to have it at school." "Apple pie and custard, my favourite." "Time you made a speech, Daddy." "You always do." "(Jerry ) Speech, speech!" "Well, thank you." "Well, it's been a difficult year." "But I think at last we are beginning to turn the corner." "First of all, I would like to thank Mabel and Henry for doing all the cooking and cleaning and stuff." "You two, by your Herculean efforts, have kept this house afloat." "Hear, hear!" " That's nice." " Thank you, m'lord." "I should also like to congratulate Teddy on his success in the second-hand motorcar trade." "And, of course, Cissy, for saving the factory." "(Meldrum ) Ow!" "So, the prospects for next year, 1929, look really good." "And the toast is, a return to prosperity of the house of Meldrum." "The house of Meldrum!" "(People making chicken squawks )" "# Chick-chick-chick-chick-chicken Lay a little egg for me (Squawk)" "# Chick-chick-chick-chick-chicken I want one for my tea" "# Oh, I haven't had an egg since Easter And now it's half past three (Squawk)" "# Chick-chick-chick-chick-chicken Lay a little egg for me" "(Squawking)" "My brother saved his regiment." " How did he do that?" " He shot the cook." "( # Piano playing oompah music)" "My brother was in the army but he had a very high voice." " What did they put him in?" " The Middlesex Regiment." "# Chick-chick-chick-chick-chicken Lay a little egg for me" "# Chick-chick-chick-chick-chicken I want one for my tea" "# Oh, I haven't had an egg since Easter And now it's half past three" "# So chick-chick-chick-chick-chicken Lay a little egg for me" "# Chick-chick-chick-chick-chicken" "# Lay a little egg, lay a little egg, lay a little egg for me #" "(Squawk)" "# It's time for us to say farewell" "# It's time to say goodbye" "# We hope that you've enjoyed our show" "# In spite of the wind going blow, blow, blow!" "# I've done all the jokes and wheezes and puns" "# You really must admit the show has gone great guns" "# So now we really must go" "# From the Jolly Follies, the Jolly Follies #" " Goodbye!" " So long!" " Au revoir!" " Goodbye!" " Adios!" " Au revoir!" " So long!" " Adios!" "# And we hope you'll come again right soon #" "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen." "Don't forget we are here every afternoon at 2:30." "There's a change of programme every Tuesday and Thursday." "And if wet, in the pavilion." "The King." "(Mimics national anthem drum roll)" "( # Piano plays God Save The King)" "Thank you." "Goodbye." "You got some wonderful laughs, Alf." "Thanks, Agnes." "Clever girl, that." " What are you looking for, Ivy?" " His train got in at 4:00." " He should be here by now." " You know James." "He's always boringly punctual." "Why do you hate him so, Dad?" "I don't hate him." "He's just not for you." "He's such a po-faced stick-in-the-mud." "You don't know him at all." "He's found this place along the prom and will rent it." "We're going to run it as a boarding house." "Just a minute." "What's all this we business?" "He wants me to help him with it." " How much is he paying you?" " Nothing." "We'll share the profits." "I've heard that before." "You'll be nothing but a skivvy." "He'll have you running your feet off day and night." "I don't care, Dad." "Just so long as I'm near him." "But you'll be wasting your talent, Ivy." "I've got great plans for you and for this show." "Do you know how much we took this afternoon?" "L2 17 s 6d." "It's a wonderful little show." "If it's so good, why are we doing army jokes when we're supposed to be chickens?" "Because I don't know any chicken jokes." "I'll tell you something else, Ivy." "The Jolly Follies are going places." "What'll happen when the winter comes?" "One big wave and the Jolly Follies will be swept out to sea." "We lost six pairs of shoes in the spring tides." "We'll take a big theatre." "I'm putting on a pantomime." "You'll make a lovely Cinderella." "You'll have to take your glasses off, of course." "I've made me mind up, Dad." "I'm sorry." "But, Ivy, we're a great little team." "How am I gonna manage without you?" "Oh, you'll manage all right." "Agnes can't wait to be a chicken." "Yoo-hoo!" "Mr Twelvetrees!" "Mr Twelvetrees!" "Yoo-hoo!" "Sorry I wasn't here earlier." "I've been to the house agent to sign the agreement." " We've got the boarding house." " Have we, really?" "Oh, what wonderful news!" "I bet you're excited." "Well, it will be a lot of hard work but I'm sure we can make a go of it." "Oh, I'm sure we can." "Why were you waiting over here?" "Why didn't you come round to the back of the dressing tent?" "I didn't want to get involved with those theatricals." " But they could be our customers." " Oh, no." "I shall go for a much better class of person than that." "Junior civil servants and the like." "Oh, yes, whatever you say." "You decide." "And before we go any further, Ivy, there's one thing that I want to make quite clear." " This is purely a business arrangement." " Yes, yes, of course." "We shall be thrown very closely together so we must be on our guard against any...personal involvement." "Oh, yes, we will." "All the time, Mr Twelvetrees." "From now on, there is no need for you to call me Mr Twelvetrees." "We're partners." "You may call me James." "Thank you, James." "It's got ten bedrooms and two bathrooms." " Two bathrooms?" " Two bathrooms." "It's quite modern." "Erm...where will we sleep?" "There are a couple of attics at the top." "Small but quite cosy." "Steady, Ivy." "You'll fall over." "I've got the wrong shoes on for the beach." "You'd better take my hand." "(Mouths )" "Good luck, Ivy." "You'll be a doormat but you've got what you want." "Are you ready, Alf?" "Aye, come on." "Ripped by malgabo Sync by sutyiboy" "# From Mayfair to Park Lane" "# You will hear the same refrain" "# In every house again, again" "You rang, m'lord?" "# Stepping out on the town" "# The social whirl goes round and round" "# The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "# The bunny hug at the Shim-Sham Club" "# The Charleston at the Ritz" "# And at the Truc, do the turkey trot" "# They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "# Talking flicks are here today" "# And Lindbergh's from the USA" "# Poor Valentino's passed away #" "How sad, m'lord."