"...there was an old castle, and in the castle lived a Princess, a lovely, lonely Princess." "Now, far, far away from her castle, in another country across the sea, was a city- a big, busy city, and here there was a very grand hotel, and in this hotel, there was a bellboy." "Madam, your dog." "Ahh... mama's little angel." "Him was a nice doggy, him was." "Uh, did him have a nice walk?" "Oh, him did." "Uh, he did." "Hmm." "Well, tomorrow, take Romeo for his walk an hour earlier." "I'm sorry, Mrs. chettester, I have an appointment then with a dachshund." "Oh, well, make it the same time tomorrow." "Yes, ma'am." "Here." "Oh, thank you very much." "Uh." "How did you make out today?" "Oh, I did ok." "Me, too." "I had one of them rich south Americans." "A guy gave me a couple of tickets to the fight tonight ringside seats." "Say, would you like to go with me, Jimmy?" "Oh, I'd like to, dick." "Thanks a lot, but I'm going to be busy." "Oh, you always say that." "Busy doing what?" "Is it a girl?" "Come on, Jimmy." "Tell us what you do nights." "You really want to know?" "Well, I'll tell you." "Every night I go home, and I Washington the Delaware with Miami and Toledo the Chicago till Detroit is Cincinnati." "Oh, Albert." "Hello, Jimmy." "Come on." "Where?" "Why, it's time to go home." "Oh." "Hiya, babe." "Hello." "Hiya, babe." "Albert!" "Hey, Jimmy, you know, I just thought of something." "It's a lucky thing for me my name is Albert." "Yeah, why?" "That's what everybody calls me-Albert." "Oh..." "Well, there it is." "Yeah, ain't it?" "What an instrument." "Gee, won't Leslie be surprised when we give it to her?" "She will if you don't spill the beans." "Huh?" "I ain't gonna spill no beans." "Not even a bean." "Hey, Jimmy, how soon we have it all paid for?" "Not very soon." "Not with the tips I've been getting." "They had me walking dogs again today." "Yeah, I seen you with a pomeranian and then a spitz- very fine animals." "Very bad tippers." "Huh?" "Oh." "Hey, Jimmy, how many more bucks we got to pay?" "8." "9." "8!" "9." "8, Mr. berger." "I'm going to pay you another buck right now." "Uh, 25, 35, 50, 55, 75, 90, a buck." "Thank you." "What's the matter with you?" "I've a..." "Bellyache." "Something I ate, no doubt." "No doubt." "What have you got in there?" "Huh?" "What?" "Where?" "In?" "Oh, nothing, Jimmy." "Just my abdomen." "Take it back." "It's only a little one." "I said take it back." "Oh, Albert, you're such a trial to me." "Yeah, ain't I?" "Why do you do things like that?" "I don't know." "I guess I'm just a weakling." "Aw, Jimmy, don't be mad at me." "It was only petty larceny." "It wasn't no felony." "It was only a misdemeanor." "Why, the rap is only- you've been hanging out with hack and his gang again." "Me?" "What do they want you to do?" "Well, nothing bad." "Just drive a car." "Whose car?" "I don't know whose car." "They ain't picked one out yet." "When are you going to get some sense?" "Would you like to go to jail?" "Not very well." "Well, then, stop hanging around with hack and his gang or stop hanging around with me." "Which will it be?" "I'll stick with you, Jimmy." "Attaboy!" "I'll be right with you." "Hey, al." "Hey, al!" "What's the matter?" "Getting independent?" "So you're not interested in quick and easy dough, huh?" "Listen." "The job's all set, if you want a cut." "Hack!" "I want you to stop propositioning Albert." "Oh, you do, huh?" "Yeah, I do, huh." "And what he does is your business?" "I'm making it my business." "I'm not going to let you get him into trouble, so lay off." "Understand?" "Why don't you take a long walk, flunky?" "Albert!" "Stay out of this!" "Jimmy, can I come in now?" "Yes, Albert!" "Uh!" "Here come the cops!" "Albert, you were terrific." "Yeah, wasn't I?" "But you ought to see what I can do with two hands." "Hey, she must have heard us come in." "Yeah, I'll go right up." "Me, too?" "Huh?" "Can I?" "Nope." "Aw..." "You can come up later." "I'll knock for you." "Oh, the flowers." "There they are- just like they was." "Didn't even lose one petal." "Oh, what a man." "See you later." "Good evening, Mrs. odell." "How are you this evening?" "Poorly." "Aw, that's too bad." "I guess working nights doesn't agree with you." "Neither does working days." "Come in, Jimmy." "In the merry, merry month of may" "I was taken by surprise by a pair of roguish eyes while strolling through the park one day for you." "Oh, thank you, Jimmy." "Forget-me-nots." "Yeah." "Oh, are they?" "Uh-huh." "I love them." "Oh, something new, huh?" "Who is it?" "Don't tell me." "I've seen that face somewhere before." "Oh ho ho!" "That's Santa claus." "Well, you said to make some." "Are they all right?" "Oh..." "looks just like him." "Aunt gertie doesn't think they'll sell." "Oh, well, that's what's wrong with aunt gertie." "She doesn't believe in Santa claus." "How's about bubbling out and seeing the bright lights?" "Oh, I'd love to." "Where'll we go tonight?" "Well, uh, how's about the, uh, ritz classic roof garden?" "Oh, that's just where I hoped you'd take me." "Ok." "I'll call a cab." "What shall I wear tonight?" "My pink evening gown or my blue one or my green one?" "Oh, no, no, no." "We're not dressing." "All my top hats are in the laundry." "Come in." "Hello, Albert." "Huh?" "Oh, hello, Leslie." "Albert, I'm taking Leslie out for a little night life." "I want a taxi." "Huh?" "Taxi?" "Oh!" "Sure, Jimmy, sure." "Are you ready, Leslie?" "Uh-huh." "Is the taxi here?" "Taxi is here." "Beep beep!" "Look out for the taxi, mama!" "A ticket for speeding he should get." "Ha ha ha!" "When she was a little girl, she used to dance so pretty." "Excuse me, madam." "This-this place is reserved." "Thank you, Albert." "The pleasure's mutual." "Oh, isn't it a beautiful night?" "You think you'll be warm enough, Leslie?" "Oh, yes." "Uh-huh." "Jimmy?" "Would you do a person a personal favor?" "What is it?" "Would you read I and Leslie a story?" "I brung a book." "Oh, no, Albert." "Not again tonight." "Oh, but I like 'em." "Don't we, Leslie?" "Oh, yes, Jimmy, please." "All right." "Ahem!" ""In a dark, wild wood lived a young Princess," ""and she was lovely-as lovely as flowers." ""Her cheeks were like lilies and roses," ""her eyes as blue as violets" ""and as bright as the stars." ""And she was good and clever and rich" ""so rich that she could have ice cream" ""3 times a day, every day." "And yet," ""she was not happy." "She had a hundred silken gowns," ""but she had nobody to love her." ""And she had a hundred jeweled crowns," ""but she had nobody to love." ""And her stepmother was mean and ugly and old," ""and so were the other people who lived in that great, gray castle-"" "in the dark, wild woods." ""In the dark, wild wood." ""There was only one young person there, and he did not count," ""for he was only a dirty, poor lad who tended the pigs." ""The beautiful Princess would look down from her window high in the tower" ""and see him as he went about his work," ""and he would look up and see her, but a Princess does not fall in love with a dirty, poor lad"" "who tends the pigs." ""Who tends the pigs." ""Now, there lived in that land many young princes and knights," ""and they were handsome and rich and strong," ""but they never came to court the lovely Princess," ""for they did not dare to come to the castle." ""For in the woods, there lived a dragon." "Now, this dragon was bigger than 50 bulls, and when he snorted..."" ""Or growled..."" "Grrr!" ""Or roared oh ho, he shook the castle." ""He was big and fierce and cruel and always hungry." "And what do you think the dragon ate?"" "People!" ""People..." ""Old and young, big and small- he ate them all." ""So the poor little Princess had to stay inside the castle" ""and never go out at all." ""At night, she would hear him rumbling and grumbling," ""huff!" "Huff!" "Huff!" "Some fine day, I'm going to eat" ""a fair young Princess, tender and sweet." ""Huff!" "Huff!" "Huff!" ""The poor little Princess, in her big, gold bed would lie and cry, and nobody would care..." ""Nobody but the dirty, poor lad who tended the pigs." ""But of course, he did not count." ""Then one night, he said to himself," ""I will set the Princess free." ""I will go out with her into the dark, wild wood," ""and when the dragon comes, I will stand there and laugh at him." ""She will get away and marry a prince and be happy ever after." ""And then he said, of course, being eaten by a dragon will not be pleasant," ""but it is the only way I know to show her how much I love her." ""So one day, out of the castle he went, and with him was the Princess." ""They had not gone far when the dragon came." ""Oh, he was a terrible sight to see." "He breathed flame and smoke." "His teeth were like swords." ""He knocked down mighty oak trees with one lash of his long, scaly tail." ""Run!" "Cried the boy to the Princess." ""Run away and be free!" ""With that, he turned and faced the dragon," ""and he stood there and laughed at him." ""Ha ha ha!" "The dragon stopped." "He looked startled." ""No one had ever laughed at him before." ""The boy walked right up to the dragon" ""and said, scat!" ""The dragon turned pale, and he said, aren't you scared of me?" ""No!" "Said the boy." ""The dragon began to grow smaller." "Aren't you, uh, a little scared of me?" ""No!" "Said the boy, and the dragon grew still smaller." ""Aren't you the least bit scared of me?" ""No!" "Said the boy." "You're only a caterpillar!" ""And he was." "The big, fierce dragon had shrunk" ""till he was only a little, meek caterpillar." ""And so were his children and all their children." ""So today, when you see a caterpillar, you see only a little dragon," ""but do not be afraid of him." ""Fear makes things big." "Courage makes them small." ""Well, the boy was about to return back to the castle" ""when he looked, and lo and behold," ""there stood the lovely Princess, smiling at him." ""Why did you not run away?" "He asked." ""Because, said the Princess, I'd rather be eaten with you" ""than to be married to any other prince in the world." ""But I am no prince, said the boy." "I have no crown, no throne, no treasure." ""Yes, you have, said the Princess, in your heart," ""and that is what makes you a real prince." "And she kissed him, and he kissed her, and they were married."" "And they lived happily ever after." ""And they lived happily ever after."" "Thank you, Jimmy." "Gee, Jimmy, that was beautiful." "It's what you have in your heart that makes you a prince." "Excuse myself, please." "Shh!" "Shh!" "Hmm... she's pretty." "Hold it." "Thank you." "Hey, the young one's all right." "You said it." "Permit me to welcome your highness." "It's a very great honor for the hotel Eden to have such a distinguished guest." "Thank you." "Good morning, countess petronoff." "I hope you had a pleasant crossing." "Oh, simply perfect." "I was not seasick at all..." "For the first half-hour." "I'm so sorry." "Excuse myself, please." "I am pufi." "I'm so sorry!" "Puffy is not what I am, it's who I am." "My major-domo, Mr. pufi." "Oh!" "Oh, how do you do?" "Will you come this way, please?" "Veronica?" "Hmm?" "Now that we're here, why are we?" "To see America..." "And the Americans." "All the Americans or just one?" "So I'm right, I'm afraid." "Yes, you are right." "I do want to see him again." "Veronica, don't do it- for your sake and his." "It can lead nowhere." "You know that." "Besides, by now, he'll be married and fat..." "Fat?" "Yes, and he'll have an appalling wife and a great many repulsive children." "In 6 years?" "6, 16, or 60, married or single, he was not suitable then, and he's not suitable now." "You're still a royal Princess, a future queen, and he?" "Bah!" "He's still a nobody." "So?" "So I'm going to see him." "Veronica?" "Yes?" "Has it occurred to you that he may not want to see you?" "Excuse myself, please." "Your highness, I was asked to give you these as soon as could be." "Who sent them?" "On here it says from whom." "Put them down, please." "Oh... they're from zoltan." "How like zoltan." "Where is baron faludi?" "Where?" "He is, uh..." "Where he was... maybe." "Excuse myself, please." "You like zoltan, don't you?" "Yes." "Then why don't you marry him?" "Oh, because..." "Because he's zoltan." "We'd all be so pleased the whole family." "Oh, bother the whole family." "It is the royal wish of his majesty the king." "Oh, bother uncle Freddy and his royal wishes." "Do you know what I'm going to do?" "What?" "Go for a walk." "My dear Veronica, I wish you'd consider very seriously what I've said about zoltan." "Yes, I will." "He's suitable in every way, and he's mad about you." "Oh, I'm sure he means every other word he says." "I mean every word, Veronica." "Every word I say to you," "I mean from the bottom of my heart." "But you're not here." "You're in Budapest." "I can fly, even if I'm not an angel." "My dear countess." "My dear baron." "Uh... how was your trip?" "Did you find the ocean amusing?" "Oh, uh... aunt Zoe will tell you all about it while I'm taking my walk." "Thank you for the flowers." "And now, if you'll excuse me- uh, I'll walk with you." "You stay and amuse aunt Zoe." "But you shouldn't walk alone." "But I'm going to." "My dear Veronica, the lobby's crawling with journalists with cameras." "Then I'm going to leave the hotel without being recognized." "I'll find a way." "Good-bye." "Oh!" "I'm so glad that you're here." "I only hope you're in time to stop her from doing something very foolish." "What?" "I think she wants to go native." "Hiya, babe." "Hiya, babe." "Hiya, babe." "Hiya, babe." "I beg your pardon?" "Look at me." "There." "Ain't I something?" "Indeed, you are." "Then how's about a kiss?" "No, thank you." "The pleasure would be mutual." "Albert!" "What a way to act." "Huh?" "Oh, yeah, ain't it?" "But what a babe." "Um... don't mind Albert." "He's like that with all the new maids." "Uh, you'll-you'll get used to him after you've worked here for a while." "After you, toots." "Don't mind Albert." "He's harmless." "He's just a bit babe-wacky, that's all." "He's what?" "Babe-wacky." "Dame-dizzy." "You know, he's got mice on his mind." "Mice on his mind?" "Well, he likes tomatoes." "They're good for him." "Ah, not the kind Albert likes." "Say, you're a foreigner, aren't you?" "Yes." "Well, now, look, toots." "I'll explain it to you." "Over here, we have two kinds of tomatoes." "One is the vegetable." "The other is you." "Me?" "I'm a tomato?" "Oh, grade "a" and extra fancy." "Thank you." "You going somewhere special?" "No." "Just for a walk." "Oh, well, I'll go with you." "Why?" "Well... you're a stranger here." "A babe like you with a face like that has got to be awfully careful in a world like this." "Careful of what?" "Oh, of things." "Things?" "Well... men." "I'm sorry to say that we can't be trusted." "They are delicious, your hot dogs." "You've never had one before?" "Never." "Gee, baby, you just haven't been anywhere, have you?" "Jimmy, what are hot dogs made of?" "Well, uh, they're, uh..." "They're- let's talk about you." "I suppose back home you've got a boyfriend?" "No." "No?" "No." "Oh, how can that be?" "Baby, the only way I can figure that out is that where you come from, there just aren't any men." "But there are!" "Millions." "Well, what's the matter with them?" "If you were in this country, you'd have been married long ago." "I was." "Hmm?" "Well, I, uh, hope your husband is a nice fellow." "He wasn't." "He wasn't?" "What happened to him?" "Somebody shot him." "Oh, gee, I'm sorry." "Th-th-that's a shame." "Gee, I'm very sorry." "Oh, you needn't be on my account." "Happened some time ago, and he was a very unpleasant man." "Who shot him?" "Oh, a man who had different political views." "Oh... well, huh, that's politics." "Now I've got to get back to the hotel." "I've got a heavy date with an airedale." "Well, I'll- I'll go with you." "Angel-puss..." "Am I angel-puss?" "Mm-hmm." "If there's ever anything I can do to help you make good in your job at the hotel, just you remember, I'm your pal." "I'll remember." "Is that all you do escort dogs?" "Oh, no!" "Sometimes it's cats." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Come on back here!" "Come on back here!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Look, you go that way and head him off." "Well, go on!" "Get going!" "If I lose that dog, I lose my job!" "Well, go on!" "Get moving!" "Here, boy!" "Come on!" "Oh!" "That's it." "That's it." "Keep him coming!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Here!" "There we go." "Grab him!" "All right." "Once more and you got it." "You ready?" "All right." "A-while a-strolling through the park one day in the merry, merry month of may" "I was taken by surprise by a pair of roguish eyes while strolling through the park one day how was I?" "Oh, baby, you're terrific." "Thank you." "Good-bye." "Oh, uh, hey, what about a date tomorrow?" "Oh, I'm sorry, but- oh, come on, baby - just you and me and a fox terrier." "What do you say, angel-puss?" "You're fired!" "Yes, sir." "Uh, but- but what did I do?" "Get out!" "Fast!" "I'm deeply sorry." "I'm shocked, your highness." "Mr. faubler- yes, your highness?" "Hereafter, you will assign a member of the hotel staff to be my personal attendant." "Certainly, your highness." "Immediately, your highness." "Thank you." "Come, Jimmy." "Jimmy, come on." "Uh, yes-yes, your highness." "Gosh." "Royalty!" ""Get out!" He said." ""You're fired," he said." "I, uh, I was dumbfounded." "What had I done?" "And then she said," ""I want a personal attendant."" "And then he said, "yes, your highness."" "He says, "yes, your highness." "You may have anything you want, your highness."" "Then I knew what I had done." "It-it-it looked like the end of my career." "And then she said, "I want Jimmy."" "Oh... tell me about it again." "Uh... all over again?" "Yes, please." "When you come home and tell me about the wonderful things that happen to you, well, I always feel as if I were right there with you and they were happening to me, too." "Yeah." "Well, I'll tell you sometime later." "I saw her picture in the paper." "Is she really that beautiful?" "No." "She's even more beautiful." "Oh." "Well, I suppose, being a Princess, she's kind of snooty, hmm?" "Snooty?" "Her highness?" "Oh." "She's-she's the unsnootiest person I've ever known..." "And the nicest." "Well, almost the nicest." "That is a matter we did not discuss." "Well, I bet lots of men have asked her." "Oh, you don't do that among royalty." "A man doesn't ask a Princess." "She asks him." "Course, uh, he can hint a little." "Did she tell you that?" "No, but I've been studying up on princesses." "Oh." "Well, could she just ask anybody she happened to meet and like?" "Well, yes, I-i guess she could." "Would he have to say yes?" "No." "But I know one guy who would quickly enough." "Who?" "Oh, baron faludi." "Baron zoltan Maximilian Otto faludi." "Wh-what's he like?" "Oh, he's one of those hand-kissers." "Mmm... au revoir, Veronica." "Till tomorrow, Veronica." "Mmm!" "Ah!" "But he is a good tipper, though, I must say." "So I'm going to take you out to a very special place tonight." "Where?" "I've been trying to guess all day." "Come in." "Jimmy, I got it." "Should I bring it- no." "Wait!" "Well, don't you- no." "Not yet." "Well, what will I- listen." "Will you keep the kalamazoo out in the Oklahoma until the Mississippi is ready?" "I'll let you know when Niagara Falls." "Anything the matter?" "Uh, oh, no." "Well, what's that all about?" "Huh?" "Oh, uh, just some, uh, Baltimore got in the erie." "Mm-hmm." "All right, if you don't want to tell me." "Well, I'd-I'd rather tell you where we're going." "We're, uh, we're going to go to melody garden and hear some music." "Melody garden?" "Uh-huh." "You ready?" "Uh-huh." "Can I look now?" "Nope." "Not yet." "Not till the music starts." "I'm in love with you, honey with a love that's true, honey" "Jimmy, I can really hear it." "Like it?" "Oh, yes!" "But" "oh!" "Thank you, Jimmy." "And thank you, Albert." "Oh, it's beautiful." "Oh, you shouldn't have done it, but I'm glad you did." "Honey, won't you love me, too?" "Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, honey mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm, honey no one else will do, honey it's funny, but it's true loved you from the start, honey bless your little heart, honey" "every day would be so sunny honey, with you" "I'm in love with you, honey my little honey, it's funny, honey, but it's true oh, loved you from the start, honey ba da da da, bless your heart, honey" "honey every day would be so sunny honey, with you my little honey it's true my honey is you ha ha ha!" "Come in." "Oh, come in, Jimmy." "Oh, good morning, your highness." "Good morning." "Um, I didn't know which paper you wanted, so I brought all of them." "Oh." "Which one has a column written by Paul MacMillan?" "The gazette." "Oh." "Then bring me the gazette." "Do you read his column?" "I used to, years ago." "Do you read it?" "Oh, every day." "Is it still good?" "The best." "Hereafter, bring me the gazette every morning." "Yes, your highness." "Oh, gee." "Wait till I tell him he's got a Princess reading him." "You know Paul MacMillan?" "Personally." "Why, he's one of the best friends I have- of his sex." "I'll tell you, the way I got to know him was he wrote a column about me once." "Uh, if sometime you'd care to read it..." "Oh, I'd-I'd love to." "You would." "Um, let me see." "I happen to-oh." "I happen to have it, just by chance." "I'll see you get it back." "Oh, that's all right." "You keep it if you'd like it." "I've got lots more." "Jimmy... what's Mr. MacMillan like?" "Oh, he's a prince." "Oh." "I somehow picture him as a fat man with a big family." "Oh, no." "He's not fat." "He hasn't got any family." "No children?" "No!" "Hasn't even got a wife." "Thank you, Jimmy." "Yes, your highness." "Later on, I'll have something for you to do." "Yes, your highness." "I" " I shall do it with the greatest of pleasure, your highness." "Is this the place, monsieur?" "Uh-uh, oui, oui." "Will monsieur stay long in this establishment?" "Capistrano." "Uh, Mr. MacMillan?" "Oh, hello, Jimmy." "Glad to see you." "Sit down." "Oh, I can't." "You can't sit down?" "What's the matter with you?" "I'm here on official business." "Mr. MacMillan, I have the honor to present you with this invitation." "Hey, Jimmy, wait a minute." "You want me to take back an answer?" "No." "No answer." "Sit down a minute." "Well-well?" "You going to come to the party?" "What?" "Oh, no." "I don't think so." "I don't like parties." "It's going to be a very swell shindig." "She's asked all sorts of princes and Dukes and things." "Going to be a lot of face cards there." "I don't like face cards." "Ahh, but you'd like her highness." "She reads your column." "I guess that's why she wants to meet you." "You seem to know her pretty well." "I am her personal attendant." "What's she like?" "Oh, wonderful." "Oh." "So, you like 'em plump." "Plump?" "Her highness?" "Oh, no, Mr. MacMillan." "She's not plump." "Uh, she's not unplump, either." "She's-well..." "She's perfect." "Why do you think I followed you here?" "To make love to me?" "Just for practice." "You don't need any." "Come in, Jimmy." "I" " I'll get her next time." "Baron faludi is just leaving." "Am I?" "Oh, yes." "Until tomorrow then, my dear Veronica." "Au revoir." "Did you find Mr. MacMillan?" "Oh, yes, your highness." "Where?" "At Jake's joint." "Jake's joint?" "What's that?" "Oh, that's a saloo- that's a cafe where he hangs out." "He hangs out of a cafe?" "Oh, no." "He hangs out in it." "Uh, he spends most of his time there." "As a matter of fact, that's where he writes his column." "Oh." "I'm terribly sorry I was so late, but-but we got to chewing the rag." "You did what?" "We got talking." "Oh." "What about?" "Oh, as a matter of fact, about you." "Oh." "What did he say about me?" "He didn't say anything." "He just asked questions." "You know, I think he's going to write a column about you, too." "Oh, I'd be most interested to read it." "What did he want to know?" "Oh, how you looked." "And you told him?" "Oh, how could I?" "I" " I gave him an idea." "Jimmy, I won't need you any more today." "Yes, your highness." "Until tomorrow then." "Au revoir." "No, Jimmy." "That's not the way it's done." "Come here." "Now, when you kiss a lady's hand, don't be so athletic about it- or so noisy." "Don't snatch it up as if it were a cake and you were going to bite it." "The lips are brought to the hand, and not the hand to the lips." "Remember that next time." "Yes, your highness." "Uh... could next time be now?" "Very well." "But remember, don't snatch and don't smack." "Now, gracefully." "And slowly." "But not too slowly." "Au revoir." "Hello, Dr. elfson." "Oh, hello, Albert." "And how are you these days?" "Me?" "Oh, I'm healthy." "But I'm bothered about her." "Doc, is she very bad?" "No, I wouldn't say so." "What would you say?" "Well, as you know, Leslie has her ups and downs, and- yeah, but I never saw her so far down." "Gee, doc, it seems like she's getting littler and littler." "Yes, but I'm really not worried about her." "I am." "She's going to be all right." "Doc..." "Yes?" "Do you think she'll ever be all all right?" "I hope so." "She can be cured by the right kind of medicine." "Well, what is it?" "Pills?" "I'll get a ton of them." "Now, Albert, I've told you many, many times." "Leslie needs more than pills to get all all right." "When she was a little girl, something happened to her spirit, the thing inside us that pills can't reach." "I think she didn't have enough love." "So the best medicine for Leslie is, uh, well, uh, things like giving her that radio or those flowers or making her laugh- things which show her that she is loved." "Now, remember that, Albert." "I'll remember." "Now you go in there and make her laugh." "Who, me?" "Yes." "Well, I ain't comical." "I think you could be if you tried." "Good luck, Albert." "I've got to go now and see a woman about a baby." "Good luck to you, doc." "Oh, is that you, Jimmy?" "No." "It's only Albert." "Oh." "Come in, only Albert." "Hello, Leslie." "I brought you some flowers." "They're for-not-me-gets." "Thank you, Albert." "I love for-not-me-gets." "Albert." "What's the matter with you?" "What are you doing?" "Being funny." "I didn't mean to do that." "No, no, Jimmy." "Not like that." "Like this." "You see?" "Ahh." "Take this to her highness." "If she wants me, I'm in the ballroom doing things." "Thanks, Mr. pufi." "What does it say?" "Uh..." "Well, um..." "Well, it says, um, "please wear these near your heart." "I adore you." "Zoltan."" "Oh." "Give them to my maid." "Yes, your highness." "Oh, and, Jimmy, then you may go home." "Yes, your highness." "But you might need me." "At the ball?" "I hardly think so." "But you might." "Oh, but, Jimmy, I don't want to take up all your time." "It's all yours." "Very well, if you want to stay." "Thank you, your highness." "Albert, how many people do you think will be at the ball?" "I don't know, but there'll be lots and lots of them- all high-class indivigitals, too." "Notrability, in fact." "Yep." "Her highness is going to toss a very elegant hop." "I wonder what she'll wear." "Her best clothes, I guess." "And she's got a lot of them trunks and trunks." "I suppose she'll wear a crown, won't she?" "I would if I was a Princess." "So would i." "Gee, I bet you'd look awfully nice in a crown." "I bet she'll look awfully nice in hers." "Probably." "Is she really as beautiful as they say?" "As who says?" "People." "Well, I only seen her once." "That was in the, uh- yes." "Yes, I know." "Jimmy told me." "Hiya, babe." "Is she so very beautiful?" "Well, she was quite pretty, uh, then." "Will Jimmy wear a uniform?" "Well, I hope so." "What would he wear?" "I mean, a special uniform." "Oh, I guess he will if she wants him to." "Oh, she'll want him to." "After all, when he dances with her, he'll have to look nice- e- even nicer than usual." "Taxi?" "Melody gardens?" "Thanks." "I don't think I want to go anywhere tonight." "Well, anyway..." "Here." "Thank you." "It's just like a real one, almost." "You're very clever." "Me?" "Oh, I learned how to make them in reform school." "Well, ain't you going to put it on?" "You look a lot nicer than her." "Glad somebody thinks so." "Everybody ought to think so." "Excuse me." "I got to go." "I'll be back in a little while." "I'll see you later." "Albert, where are you going?" "Well, uh..." "New York is New York with New York and New York." "Come in." "How do you do?" "Huh?" "Me?" "Oh, I'm fine." "And you?" "I'm fine, too." "Won't you come in?" "Me?" "Yes." "I know you, don't I?" "Yeah, but not very well." "I know I've seen you before." "I'm trying to think where." "M- maybe you'd better not." "Where was it?" "Don't you remember?" "I know." "You're Jimmy's friend." "Yeah." "Then you must be Albert." "Yeah, I must be." "Hi, babe." "Look, lady, I didn't know you was a Princess." "I thought you was a woman." "I'm both, Albert." "Then-then-then you ain't mad at me for trying to do what I tried to do?" "Don't you know?" "A woman only gets really mad at a man if he doesn't want to kiss her." "Is that a fact?" "Uh-huh." "Gee, I'm glad to know that." "You know something?" "I don't blame them for electing you Princess." "I don't blame Jimmy for- for what?" "Chickie, dummy up." "Hello, Albert." "Good-bye, Albert." "Good-bye." "Uh, your highness." "What a babe." "I thought I told you never to come around here, didn't I?" "But-well, I wanted to see you." "What about?" "About not seeing you." "When you don't come home, well, it bothers I and Leslie, and we don't know what to do with ourselves." "Jimmy, couldn't you please come home tonight?" "No." "I'm sorry, but I just can't." "Jimmy?" "Look, blow." "Am-scray, will you?" "And keep your nose clean." "Well, I'm trying to." "I" "may I cut in?" "Oh!" "Well, hello, Mr. MacMillan." "So you did come after all." "We hoped you would." "We?" "Her highness and i." "I'll tell her you're here." "No." "Oh, it's all right." "She asked me to." "Now wait a minute, Jimmy." "I'd like to see her highness alone." "Oh." "You want an interview, huh?" "Yeah." "Well, I think I can arrange it." "Thanks." "Just wait in this room right over here." "Will we have any privacy in there?" "Oh, nothing but." "I haven't seen anybody go in here all night, so the place is all yours." "All mine, eh?" "Well, I forgot that there was another door." "Well, good night." "Oh, don't you want to see her?" "Not in a crowd." "Well, wait." "I'll get rid of them." "How?" "Leave it to me." "Excuse me!" "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm." "Don't get excited, and nobody'll get hurt." "Everybody has to leave this room immediately." "But why?" "Sir, the gowanda's a hoboken in the great neck and the catskills are rockaway." "The poosepatuck is going into coney and the flatbush is full of Dodgers!" "Oh!" "What is it happening here?" "Look, please go before the arcade palisades is back to hackensack on the skaneateles!" "¿Como?" "Olean's at the Bronx!" "Pardon?" "The poughkeepsie is all schenectady!" "Ahh!" "Everybody will have to get out." "Everybody out." "Everybody out." "Will you excuse me a minute?" "And watch your Albany." "Has something happened?" "Yes, your highness, but nothing bad." "Your highness, this is Mr. Paul MacMillan." "He'd like to interview you for his column." "Very well." "He may." "Please see that we're not disturbed." "Yes, your highness." "How are you, Paul?" "Older." "Well, so am i." "And wiser." "So am i." "But don't you understand, fellows?" "You can't go in because the lackawanna has to make its flushing." "Yeah." "Oh, it's not serious." "It's just that, uh..." "You see?" "I'm sorry, sir, but those are my orders." "Did you understand what he said?" "Naturally." "And I said I was wiser." "I thought I was, and then I came here and saw you again." "That wasn't a wise thing for me to do, Veronica." "No?" "No." "You see, I thought I'd learned the lesson you gave me years ago, learned it so well I'd never forget it." "I thought I could see you again and remember it." "I saw you and forgot it." "It was a hard lesson, and I don't want to have to learn it all over again." "Oh, I'm sorry for what happened, Paul." "With all my heart, I'm sorry." "I wanted for so long to see you, but I was afraid." "I knew that you had every right to doubt me and to hate me." "It would make everything so simple if I did, but I don't." "I never did, and I never will hate you." "Good-bye, Veronica." "Good-bye?" "It's the wisest thing." "I'm sure it is." "You see, I remember how once you told me that you loved me, that you'd always love me." "But it was true." "And it's also true that suddenly one night" "I was handed my passport and told to leave your country." "And you said you'd come to me." "I waited." "Instead came the news you had married someone more suitable for a Princess." "Well..." "You're still a Princess." "Yes." "I was born one, and I was brought up to believe that a Princess must do what her country thinks best, whether she wants to or not." "And so must a queen?" "Yes." "And someday, you'll be queen." "Yes." "Good-bye, Veronica." "Mr. MacMillan?" "Did you get the interview?" "Oh, I did." "Thanks." "Are you through?" "Yes." "All through." "Your highness..." "What-what's the matter?" "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes." "Lend me your handkerchief." "Thank you." "Is that all I can do?" "There's nothing wrong with me, really." "Are you sure?" "You see..." "Well, the Budapest was Hungary and the Cairo got Madrid and wouldn't Lisbon." "So the Balkans couldn't Bucharest, and that's what made Naples Toulouse in tolland." "Oh." "Oh, I see." "You do?" "Oh, of corsica." "Oh, Jimmy." "I wouldn't know what to do without you." ""The ballroom was full of handsome men and lovely ladies," ""and the loveliest of them all was the young Princess," ""but she was not the happiest." ""As she sat on her throne watching the dancers, she was not happy at all," ""for she was thinking of the young prince who went away one day" ""and took her heart with him." ""Then, into the ballroom hopped a frog." "The Princess was..."" ""E-x-a-s-p-e-r-a-t-e-d."" "Exasperated." ""The Princess was exasperated," ""and she had not invited any frogs." ""Little did she know that this frog was the long-lost prince" ""who had been turned into a frog by a witch." ""So imagine her surprise when a frog spoke to her." ""Now, all you can expect a frog to say is, jug-a-rum." "Jug-a-rum." ""That's all they can say, as a rule." ""So imagine her delight when the frog said in a princely voice," ""oh, Princess, dear, my Princess, dear," ""the one you love the best is here." ""The Princess stared at the frog with big, astonished eyes," ""and she said, how is it, o frog," ""that you speak in the voice of the prince I love?" ""The frog smiled and said, I am the prince you love." ""So kiss me, and I'll look like myself again." "So she kissed the frog, and lo and behold-"" "there you go again, making believe that I can walk." "You know very well I can't." "Why, sure, you can." "Oh, sure, and I can dance and stand on my head." "Why, sure, you can." "Yes." "I can just see myself doing it." "Sure, you can." "Watch." "See?" "Hey, you!" "Don't stand there wanting to go." "Go." "Go on now-out." "So long." "I'll be seeing you." "Young lady in the pajamas." "Yes, your majesty?" "Why have you crashed my royal gate?" "Oh, please, sir, your majesty," "I've come to petition you to do me a royal favor." "Ok, petition me." "Bring back my long-lost love, I pray bring back my prince who has gone astray let me see him smile for a little while and my life won't be cold and gray" "I'm not a Princess, as you can see but hearts know nothing of royalty he was all I had and he's all I want please bring him back to me" "that sounds like a reasonable request." "Petition granted." "One prince coming up." "Oh, your majesty, I'll thank you with all my heart when I have one again." "And while you're waiting, be my personal guest." "Won't you sit down?" "Thank you, sir." "Down." "Out." "Queen, out." "And turn on the royal ballet." "Jug-a-rum." "Jug-a-rum." "Jug-a-rum." "I'm in love with you honey, you with a love that's true honey, you no one else will do honey it's funny, la la la la loved you from the start, honey bless your little heart, honey" "every day will be so sunny honey, with..." "Good morning, Gladys." "Morning, Jimmy." "Calm down." "There's nothing in it about your dream girl." "Oh, boy!" "Will you take Romeo?" "I'm sorry, madam, but I'm private." "Oh!" "Now, let me see." "That's one dozen assorted Sandy clauses at 6 bits each." "That's, uh..." "Oh, you'd better take what you can get." "Didn't you say the man didn't want any more Santa clauses?" "Yeah." "He wants penguins." "We got Sandy clauses, he gets Sandy clauses..." "And he likes them." "Hmm." "No, Albert." "What would Jimmy say?" "Oh, him." "He don't ever say nothing to me no more." "But..." "That interview ain't in today." "Where is that interview?" "Hmm." "What's so hot about an interview?" "I was interviewed once." "Oh, now, Albert." "Well, I was, too..." "By the district attorney." ""Today it is the life and loves of an elephant."" "So... ha ha ha!" "That's nice." "Chimney..." "What is a elephant?" "An ele- why, it's an animal!" "They-they look like this." "Ah!" "Those big things with the long noses." "Yeah-trunk." "Huh?" "Trunk." "What a language." "This is a trunk." "Last night I trunk whiskey and got trunk." "Today I pack my trunk." "Pack your..." "You're-you're not going away?" "Yes-home." "When?" "I do not know just when, but I think soon- maybe sooner." "No!" "Don't sit." "Take the hat of her highness to her highness." "Yes, sir." "Mr. pufi..." "I, um-I'm going to miss you." "Me, too." "Hello." "This is who?" "Ah, baron faludi." "This afternoon?" "Yes." "Her highness will be here." "No, no party- just her and you." "Yes, baron, I will tell her." "Good-bye." "Ahem." "I suppose her highness will be getting married pretty soon, maybe, huh?" "Maybe." "A Duke or a prince or a baron, I suppose?" "Sure." "It couldn't just be some common, ordinary person, could it?" "Oh, no." "No." "Has to be somebody who is somebody, huh?" "Sure." "It could not be somebody who is nobody." "I told you this two times now already." "Princesses can't- chimney!" "Don't sit." "Veronica, you must see that by now." "The only thing for you to do is to go home right away and forget about him." "Oh, I know how you feel about him, but- oh, it is impossible- you and this nobody." "I don't consider him a nobody." "Oh, you know what I mean." "He has no title, no family, no social position- even over here." "He has intelligence..." "Charm..." "A sense of humor..." "Ahh..." "Well, what if he has?" "They are not what we require of our king." "I know." "Look at uncle Freddy." "Veronica, that is no way to speak of his majesty." "He's a-a tomato." "Quite so, but he is our king." "Yes..." "And Jimmy would make a better one." "It's all settled then, huh?" "We go as soon as we can." "There's really no point in staying, you know." "The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be cured of this infatuation." "Don't talk as if it were a case of measles." "All right." "You're in love with him." "Yes." "But is he in love with you?" "No!" "Yes." "It's quite clear he's not even vaguely interested in you." "If he were, he'd show some sign of it, wouldn't he?" "Well, has he?" "Huh?" "I leave you with the thought." "Mr. pufi!" "Here!" "W-what is it?" "Have things happened?" "No!" "Uh, yes!" "Has her highness got an engagement for tonight?" "No!" "Oh, thanks." "Ha ha!" "Your highness!" "Yes, Jimmy." "Oh, my new hat." "Oh." "Well, just put it down somewhere." "Oh, it's a beautiful day." "Yes." "It's going to be a beautiful night, too." "At least, that's my frank opinion." "Mine, too." "Oh, for stepping out, I mean." "For what?" "Oh, for going somewhere and doing something." "Oh, you want to step out tonight, is that it?" "Yeah, that's it." "That certainly is it." "Well, then, step." "It's about time you took a night off, and I hope you have a very good time." "Oh, Jimmy." "Yes, your highness." "Have you already made your plans for tonight?" "Uh, well..." "I had made some, yes, but- oh, well, never mind." "I was going to ask you to take me somewhere, but if you have another engagement, keep it." "Yes, your highness." "Thank you." "Look, did you say what you said about tonight and you and me?" "Yes." "Well, look, where should we go?" "I mean, what time- but you have other plans." "Oh, I- where shall we go?" "Well, I'd like to go to Jake's joint." "J" " Jake's?" "Oh, no, you don't want to go there." "But I do!" "Oh, I know, but that's an awfully low place." "I'd like to see a very low place." "Yes, but not that low!" "Very well." "If you won't take me where I want to go- oh, I will." "Well, then, call for me at, um, 10:00." "With the greatest of pleasure." "Are we dressing?" "If you wish." "Thank you." "Ooh!" "Don't sit!" "Why don't you do some penguins?" "Penguins is more popular." "Jimmy said to do Santa clauses." "Hmm." "How is his lordship?" "Oh, he's fine, and he loves his new job." "Why not?" "He's got a soft one." "No." "He works very hard and very late." "Sometimes it's midnight before I hear him come home." "Hmm." "Them's long hours." "Hours are very long." "Don't he get no time off?" "He hasn't had any for over a week." "Maybe he'll get tonight off." "Maybe." "Well, I got to drag myself over to the beanery." "Hmm!" "I wish I'd been born a Princess." "Instead, I was born tired." "Say, is them all the Santa clauses you've done today?" "Yes, ma'am." "Only 3?" "Huh." "You used to do a dozen." "Guess maybe you're getting sick of doing Santa clauses." "Why don't you do some penguins?" "Good-bye, aunt gert." "Gee!" "Jimmy." "I nearly almost didn't recognize you." "I thought you was a waiter going to work." "Well, you look like one." "Oh, I do, huh?" "!" "Do I?" "Yeah..." "But a headwaiter." "Yeah, well, I'd hate to think what you look like." "Albert, how'd you get that outfit?" "Huh?" "Oh." "Oh, this old thing?" "Well, the truth of the matter is, I found it." "So long." "Albert, please don't do anything dumb." "Who, me?" "Try to behave yourself until I can talk to you, will you?" "I can't now." "I haven't got time." "Yeah, I know that." "So does Leslie." "How is she?" "Didn't you see her tonight?" "No." "I did." "Did you tell her about my date?" "Yeah." "What did she say?" "Nothing." "She just kept on painting Sandy clauses." "Well, I got to go now." "Remember, keep your nose clean." "Sure, sure." "Come in." "Why, I'm sorry, sir, but you're in the wrong place." "Oh, Jimmy, you look so wonderful." "I" " I do?" "Really?" "Uh-huh, and you look so handsome and so worldly." "Well, thank you, miss odell." "Sit down, Jimmy, and tell me all about what you've been doing and what you're going to do tonight." "Well, I really can't stay." "I" " I just popped in to say hello." "Oh, well, hello." "Thanks for popping in, and now you better pop out, or you'll be late for your Princess." "Well, go on." "Yeah, I'm-I'm- I'm going." "Aw, they-they sent the wrong hat." "It's too large." "Well, give it to me." "I'll fix it." "Oh, would you?" "Uh-huh." "Hand me those beards." "You know, Jimmy, I thought I'd make some superdeluxe Santa clauses with real clothes on." "That is, if you think it's a good idea." "Oh, yeah, yeah, that's a very good idea." "Then we'll make lots of them, shall we?" "Well- oh, I know you can't help me with them till after she goes." "Here." "Oh, that- that's just right." "Thanks, Leslie." "Jimmy, when is she going away?" "Quite soon, isn't it?" "Yeah, yeah." "Quite soon." "Good night, Leslie." "Good night, Jimmy." "Leslie, I'm- I'm such a dope." "I got that for you, and I almost forgot to give it to you." "Good night, Leslie." "I said now, wait till the sun shines, Nellie when the clouds all go a-driftin' by we will be so happy, Nellie oh, don't you let me hear you make a sigh how dare you sigh, I believe that" "down lovers' Lane we'll wander sweetheart, you and I wait, wait, wait, now, don't be late down by the garden gate in the sweet by-and-by" "a boodle-ah, a boodle-ah doo day drifting' by a boodle-ah, a boodle-ah doo day oh, baby, let me hear you sigh oh..." "Isn't that pitiful?" "Down lovers' Lane we'll wander sweetheart, you and I oh, well" "I want to hear that wedding bell in the sweet by-and-by bum, bum, bum, bum wait till the sun shines, Nellie when the clouds go drifting' by oh, we will be so happy, Nellie" "oh, honey, I'm in love with you and I love you, too, let's meander down lovers' Lane we'll wander sweetheart, you and I and after a while, we'll live in style" "and buy a bungalow but let's be wise, economize we'll use your father's dough in the sweet in the sweet, sweet in the sweet, sweet by in the sweet, sweet by-and-by" "uh, look, what do you say?" "Shall we blow?" "Blow?" "Blow what?" "Blow out of here." "Oh, so soon?" "Why?" "Oh, it's..." "It's so unromantic." "Yoo-hoo!" "Peekaboo!" "Ha ha ha!" "See what I mean?" "Yes." "Oh, but let's stay anyway." "I'd like to." "Oh, then I'd like to." "I never thought I'd ever be anywhere with a Princess, especially you, and I certainly never thought that a Princess- what's it going to be, folks?" "Pigs' feet are very good tonight." "Have you got any champagne?" "Champagne?" "Sure." "Barrels of it." "Barrels of it." "Is it good?" "The best." "We make it ourselves." "Would you care for some?" "Uh, yes." "Oh, and some pigs' feet, too, huh?" "No, thank you." "Uh, waiter, just champagne." "Ok, sport." "Well, as I was saying, here we are." "I" " I still can't believe it yet." "Maybe I will a little bit later." "Believe what, Jimmy?" "That what's happened has happened." "I mean, after all, a person like you and a person like me- it just can't be, can it?" "But-but it is, isn't it?" "I'm afraid I I don't quite understand." "Your highness..." "Princess Veronica..." "There's something I've wanted to say for a long time." "Now, uh, what about the pigs' feet?" "They're nice and tasty." "No!" "Ok." "Maybe a little later on, huh?" "To the happiness of a Princess and a nobody." "So you know?" "Everything." "What do you think I should do?" "What you want to." "Never mind what anybody else says." "It's your heart." "What do you care if they-if they call- if they call a man a nobody, even if he is one for the time being anyway?" "He can outgrow it, can't he?" "Lots of men started out as nobodies." "Why, look at Lincoln." "Look at Napoleon." "Where?" "I- oh!" "It was you!" "Ha ha ha!" "Oh, Jimmy, you said Mr. MacMillan is usually here." "Yes." "Well, I don't see him." "Uh, you won't out here." "He stays in the bar." "Oh." "See if he's there, will you?" "Yes, your high- now?" "Yeah, but, uh..." "All right, gentlemen." "Make yourselves comfortable." "Pigs' feet's very good tonight, by the way." "He isn't here." "Oh." "Will he be here later?" "Maybe." "Uh, shall we go now?" "Oh, no." "Not yet." "Well, it doesn't get any nicer here." "Oh, well, even so, let's stay a little longer." "Very well." "Shall we dance?" "Uh, excuse me." "I thought I told you not to run with these rats." "Well, if it ain't Jimmy." "Mercy, mercy." "Like the monkey suit." "Albert, go home right away, will you?" "No." "For me?" "He's with me now." "Ain't you, al?" "Yeah." "I'm with you now, for keeps." "Albert, w-will you please do as I say?" "Not no more." "Now he does what I say." "Don't you?" "Yeah." "What you say." "Then I say get up." "Sock this monkey." "Huh?" "Sock him." "Him?" "Yeah, him." "Now?" "Now." "Go ahead and give it to him." "Go ahead, Albert." "You're with him now, for keeps." "Yeah." "Right here, and hard." "Ok, hack." "Hey, you lunkhead, get out of my pigs' feet!" "Gee, I missed." "Hey, who do you think you're pushing?" "Hey, cut it out, you guys!" "Run!" "Beat it!" "Let me go!" "Good evening." "Nice fight, isn't it?" "Pardon me." "Oh, Albert, you're terrific!" "Ain't I?" "Thanks, Mabel." "Thank you, your highness." "Break it up!" "Let go of me, you big lug!" "Officer, let her go at once." "Let her go, I say!" "Oh, you do?" "I command you." "You command?" "Who do you think you are, the sergeant?" "Let go, I say!" "Let go of her!" "You let go of her!" "Oh!" "Thanks, dear." "Come on." "Let's scram!" "Oh!" "Let me go!" "Let me go, you big lug!" "Do you need any help?" "Let me go!" "Jimmy!" "Jimmy!" "Your highness!" "I saw you do that!" "Stop it!" "Jimmy!" "Oh, let me go, you big brutes!" "Lugs!" "Wait a minute." "I know you from somewhere." "I've seen your face before." "Where?" "Rogues' gallery?" "Perhaps." "What's your name?" "Don't tell him, dearie." "Let him guess." "Well?" "Well?" "Mabel green." "What's your racket?" "What do you do?" "Me?" "I, uh, I'm a Singapore." "I Baghdad in a Bombay." "I Calcutta the Moscow in Dublin to Hong Kong." "Oh, a wise guy." "Take her away." "Hello, Mr. MacMillan." "Oh, hello, captain." "Did you just get here?" "Yep." "Too bad." "The fight's all over." "I've seen a fight." "Well, this one was better than usual." "Anything special about it?" "No." "I've seen bigger ones in there and worse ones." "Then there's no column in it for me." "Jimmy." "Jimmy!" "Jimmy..." "Something must have happened here." "Where is she?" "Where's her highness?" "She must have left." "The cops!" "They got her in jail!" "Albert, I'm ruined." "What am I going to do?" "Well, go and tell her folks." "They'll spring her." "They'll get a heebius corpius." "Yeah." "Yeah." "That's what I got to do, I guess." "I got to go and tell them." "You know something, Jimmy?" "What?" "They're going to resent this." "Haven't you any idea where she went?" "I only know with whom she went." "And on this night, of all nights." "Now, where would a fellow like this- chimney." "This chimney be apt to take her?" "To a chop-suey parlor, I daresay." "We could look for her in those places." "No!" "We might find her!" "Well, a fine thing for our country that would be, eh?" "Think!" "Think of what history would say- her majesty Veronica I received the news that she had become queen whilst she was carousing in a chop-suey joint with a bellboy." "Hello?" "Hold on to the wire, please." "A newspaper." "I'll speak to them." "This is the ambassador, yanos Von lankofitz." "Yes." "That is correct." "His late majesty the king had the misfortune to fall down the palace stairs." "I'm sorry, but queen Veronica can see no one tonight." "She has retired to her room." "Can you spare another cigarette, Mabel?" "Sure." "Help yourself... kid." "Thanks." "You, too." "Thanks, dearie." "Gee!" "Are these real rocks?" "No." "They're diamonds." "Somebody's got a daddy." "Jeeps!" "Are you lucky!" "A face like that..." "And a case like this." "Do you like it?" "Boy, do I!" "Keep it." "For keeps?" "Sure." "Jeeps!" "Thanks, Mabel." "Hey, it ain't hot, is it?" "Hot?" "Mabel green." "Hello, Mabel." "She received the news with her customary dignity." "Uh, well, at first, she didn't say anything." "She was too moved to speak." "Attention, everyone!" "Be ready!" "The queen is here!" "Oh, good-bye." "The king is dead!" "Long live the queen!" "Long live the queen!" "Long live- chimney!" "Where is her majesty?" "The queen!" "Where is the queen?" "Queen?" "Queen!" "Oh, my golly!" "Where is she?" "Well, she, um, she, um- and it's all my fault!" "What happened?" "An accident!" "No, no!" "It wasn't an accident." "Then what was it?" "Chimney, tell, but quick." "Well, we, uh, we-we got into a fight." "He attacked her!" "Yes!" "Look at him!" "Assassin!" "Let me go, I tell you!" "She's all right!" "Her majesty!" "Help!" "Help!" "The king is dead!" "Long live the queen!" "Oh, pardon me." "I thought you was fighting." "That is one of the murderers!" "Huh?" "Me?" "Oh, no, ma'am." "Ok, Jimmy." "If you need me, holler." "Good night, all." "Now, where is she?" "You tell us, or I'll- is that nice, pulling a knife on him?" "Well, where is she?" "I know." "Let him talk." "Where?" "Tell us." "In the cooler." "Where?" "In the hoosegow." "He means her majesty's in jail." "Jail!" "Oh, my poor country!" "Well, do something!" "You're a diplomat!" "Do something!" "Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes." "Now tell me" "Mr. pufi!" "Mr. pufi!" "Go call the white house!" "Person- to-person?" "Yes!" "Uh, why is she in the jail?" "She was pinched." "Pinched?" "Where?" "He means arrested." "Oh, oh, but-but what for?" "What did she do?" "Well, a bull pushed her around, so naturally, she took a sock at the bull." "Cow?" "Bull." "She resisted arrest." "And how!" "Boy, did she battle!" "Operation, I want Washington." "Washington!" "Where the white house is." "Yes." "Person-to-person." "Yes, that's you." "Mabel green." "I wish you really were Mabel green." "Oh, yes." "Paul..." "I'm going to be Mabel green." "And give up your job as Princess?" "Uh-huh." "But can you?" "I think so." "It isn't much of a job, and they don't really need a Princess." "Well, I think we ought to talk this over, miss green." "Uh-huh." "It's the nicest one in town." "Her majesty!" "The king is dead!" "Long live the queen!" "The king is dead!" "Long live the queen!" "Long live the queen." "Your majesty." "'Twill be an honor to serve you." "Thank you." "May I say that it would be most advisable for our queen to return to her country as soon as possible?" "I have ventured to make arrangements for your majesty to sail tomorrow if that is your wish." "Yes." "Tomorrow." "Your majesty." "Well, I guess this does it." "I mean, it's going to make a lot of difference... to us." "It means we've got to say good-bye, so let's say it now." "It isn't going to get any easier to say." "Jimmy, I'd like to have you go with me if you want to." "You don't have to decide now, but if you do want to go, be here tomorrow by noon." "Now go home and think it over." "Oh, thanks, Albert." "You're welcome, Jimmy." "Where is it?" "Huh?" "What?" "The toothbrush." "Gee, I-i forgot to get it." "Well, where have you been all this time?" "Oh, I was going to tell her." "Jimmy, she said would you please come up and see her before you go." "Of course I will." "Jimmy?" "What?" "Can I go with you?" "What?" "Just down to the boat." "Oh, sure." "Yeah?" "Can I carry your bag?" "Sure." "That's the only one I ever had took." "Aw, thanks, Albert." "Listen, when I get over there," "I'm going to send for you." "For me?" "You will?" "Yeah." "I'm going to fix you up with a nice, soft job in the palace." "Lots of dough, nothing to do." "Gee, that sounds very enjoyable." "I wish I could take it, but I can't." "I can't ever come over there." "Who'd take care of Leslie?" "I'll close that for you." "Look, be ready to go when I come back, will you?" "I'll only be a minute." "Is that you, Jimmy?" "Yeah, it's me." "Come in, Jimmy." "Hello, your majesty." "Oh, Jimmy, I think it's the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to anybody, and I'm so glad it happened to you." "Oh, just imagine- king James." "Well, it's not quite settled yet." "Oh, but it will be." "I'm sure it will, just as soon as they get to know you over there." "Why, they'll say, "where could she we find a better one?"" "And they'll see how good and kind..." "And-and handsome you are, and they'll see how you're always doing things for people to make them happy, even if they can't do anything for you, and they'll see how everybody loves you, and..." "Good-bye, Jimmy." "Thank you, and god bless you." "Good-bye." "Leslie, I-i- oh, I don't want you to worry about me." "You don't have to anymore." "I'll be all right." "I've got a job, a good one." "Doing what?" "Dancing." "Dancing!" "But- oh, but, Jimmy, I'm well, all well." "Why, I can walk miles and miles." "I wasn't going to tell you." "I was going to surprise you by coming down to the boat." "Of course, I'll come anyway." "I'm very strong now." "Are you?" "Really?" "Oh, yes." "I'll show you." "Oh, Leslie, darling." "Oh, you've got to get well." "I'm going to make you get well." "I don't know how." "I don't know what I can do, except to- to love you very much and go on doing things to show you that I-i do love you very much." "Oh, Jimmy, I want to believe you." "I'm going to believe you, even though I know it's not true." "It is true." "But you're going away." "No." "With a queen." "No." "I'm staying right here..." "With a Princess." "Oh!" "What is it, Jimmy?" "I've got to do it." "What?" "I've got to tell her." "Oh, yes." "I suppose you must." "It's going to be tough, telling a queen." "The poor thing." "I'm so sorry for her." "Jimmy..." "Let her down easy." "We could start to begin to go now to the boat." "Get your hat." "It's time, high time." "Veronica, we must be going." "Oh, hello, Jimmy." "Veronica, we should be leaving." "In a minute." "I'd just about given you up." "I've got to talk to you about something, and that's it." "What?" "Giving me up." "Please don't hate me." "I don't." "You will." "Why?" "I" " I wish it could be, but it just can't be, that's all." "What can't be, Jimmy?" "Us." "I thought it was the real thing, too, but-but it isn't." "I know that now." "You'll know it, too, in time." "Jimmy, what are you trying to tell me?" "Veronica, we must go." "Not yet." "Go on." "You're wonderful, but there's somebody else." "I know now that there always was somebody else." "I'm sorry." "Anyway, I'd-I'd make a heck of a king." "Well, good-bye, queen Veronica." "Thank you very much for-for letting me be near you for a little while." "Good-bye, Jimmy." "Good-bye, chimney." "Good-bye, Mr. pufi." "Did you hear him?" "Most extraordinary!" "What did he mean?" "Do you know?" "No, but does it matter?" "Coming, Veronica?" "It seems to matter to her majesty." "What he said!" "A bellboy!" "Crazy, no doubt." "Must be." "No." "He's not the one who's crazy." "Do you know what he just did?" "Tell me on the boat, dear." "No." "Now." "What did he do, your majesty?" "He gave me up." "Yes." "He gave up a queen, and he gave up a throne." "He could have been a king, he thought, but he wanted to be something better than a king." "A bellboy!" "A bellboy!" "A bellboy!" "Yes, but a bellboy in love, and if he can do it- your majesty!" "Where are you going?" "I abdicate." "No!" "No abdicate!" "I'm in love with you honey, ooh ooh say you love me, too honey, ooh ooh no one else but you shall we dance, Leslie?" "It's funny, but it's true loved you from the start honey, ooh ooh bless your little heart honey, ooh ooh every day will be so sunny honey, with you" "every day will be so sunny and they lived happily ever after." "Funny, but it's true"