"It's his uncompromising standard." "He never meets his clients." "He doesn't speak with them or communicate directly." "It's his policy." "I'm his sole representative, he's my only employer and I have full authorization to speak on his behalf on all his business." "I have with me a signed letter to that effect." "He doesn't negotiate his fee." "He works at a flat rate." "Under some unusual circumstances he'll work pro bono." "Never in between." "I suppose I don't qualify for the latter category." "I haven't heard your proposal yet." "I have a feeling that mine is not a charity case." "Most aren't." "Mr. Arlo, you realize this is all very strange." "I mean, nobody in your field asks the kind of money your employer does and nobody a messenger." "It's all very unusual." "Let me tell you about the case of the man with the mismatched shoelaces." "Years ago, when I first came into his employ he was contracted to find a man." "I can't give much detail but believe me, if this man had not been located our country's good diplomacy with a certain economic superpower might have a different face today." "Federal, state, local authorities all over the world searched for a face whose significance they couldn't fathom." "He'd vanished without a trace." "On the 8th morning, a non-political third party contacted me with an unrelated private agenda." "My employer had never heard of this missing man, knew nothing about him." "After just one hour of desk work just an hour after accepting the case he picked up the telephone and placed a call." "Guess who answered the phone." "The missing man." "The man with the mismatched shoelaces." "Without ever leaving the house." "I'm telling you, he never even leaves the house, okay?" "I mean, he's like some kind of recluse." "A complete freak." "No social life." "In fact, no social skills." "Fucking strange." "When he works the smoothest operator you've seen." "Brave, slick cunning do anything." "Soon as he gets off work it's all gone." "Afraid to go to the dry cleaners." "Literally." "Too uncomfortable in his own skin to go out and eat." "Tactless and inept." "Rude too." "Just an asshole." "You could meet him 5 times and not realize it's the same person." "He can tell you where you were born, how old your mother was at the time and what you had for breakfast, all within 30 seconds of meeting you." "He can get a criminal to confess without his realizing he's being questioned." "How does he do it?" "He has a deeply nuanced and functional understanding of human behavior to rival the great psychoanalytical minds of our time." "He understands the criminal mind as well as the innocent mind the stable mind as well as the psychotic, sociopathic mind the male as well as the female." "I don't think he's ever kissed a girl." "He's thirty-something years old." "What does he do when he's not working?" "Does he just sit around the house?" "When private investigation won its most worthy champion academia and the arts suffered a loss, a great loss." "In addition to his many scholarly gifts, he's a terrifically talented musician." "He writes songs." "He's terrible." "His metaphors are thin, his imagery is cliched and his thematic material is trite and heavy-handed." "Why do you do it?" "I left the firm, didn't know what I was going to do and I get this message on my machine." "He'd watched me argue a case in court said I was the only person for the job." "I don't know." "The guy's nuts, okay?" "What's his name?" "The mysterious and brilliant Daryl Zero." "Certainly does take himself seriously, doesn't he?" "All right, Mr. Arlo." "I'm sold." "What happens now?" "You tell me how my employer can be of service then I fly home and speak to him." "Where is home?" "Not to be coy, but I can't tell you that." "Of course not." "You know, I'm not used to being in this position." "Being needy." "I understand." "Yes." "You know, it's of the utmost importance what I'm about to tell you not leave your confidence or that of your inaccessible employer." "That I can guarantee." "Mr. Arlo, I have lost my keys and I need to find them." "I'm being blackmailed, Mr. Arlo." "It's cost me a good deal of money and many nights' sleep." "I need the matter resolved." "I need questions answered and I must know who stole the key to my safe deposit box." "Mr. Arlo, good to see you." "Thanks, Rahim." "Keep it close." "I'll be 20 minutes." "We'll keep it up top." "Great." "Thanks, Raoul." "If I come a-knocking a-knocking at your door" "...on this October day" "Would you say, "It'd be a joy" "With you, my good boy"" "'Cause if you would..." "I'd say," ""Let's run off and get married" "It's the only thing for us to do" "Let's run off and get married" "If you love me"" "...like I love you'" "If I come a-calling on a rainy afternoon" "Would you be glad if I called" "And whistle a merry tune" "And if I'd pop the question" "Straight from my heart" "Would you say "Let's run away And be happy and gay?"" "'Cause if you would I'd say," ""Let's run off and get married" "It's the only thing for us to do" "Let's run off and get married" "If you love me like I love you"" "That's good." "It's really good." "You like it." "I had the first verse a while ago but I just got that second one just a couple hours ago." " You really like it?" " Yeah." "Where the fuck have you been?" "What do you mean?" "Where the fuck have you been?" "I've been waiting for you." "I came straight from the airport." "I've been awake for three days." "Three!" "Just love those amphetamines." "Got to love them." "Got to." "Sounds healthy." "It's good for my skin." "If you do enough of that stuff over a short period of time you get these canker sores on your tongue." "They bleed and..." "See?" "Disgusting." "What'd the guy in Portland want?" "Blackmail." " Name?" " Stark." "Gregory Stark, Oregon Timber." "He's a very rich man." "Old money." "Blackmail, huh?" "Did he kill somebody or fuck somebody?" "Fucked somebody over." "Sounds like embezzlement, maybe." "Runs in the family, I guess." "His old man, Jordan had a big tax evasion suit against him in '82." "He was legally exonerated but karmically convicted because he died right after." "It was a massive coronary." "He just didn't take care of himself." "He ate like a pig." "He was just a fat man." "Gregory Stark is the son of a fat man." "You wouldn't be the first hound down this trail." " Who?" " Clearburg." " Didn't turn a thing." " Fucking hack!" "You know the trouble with fucking Clearburg?" "He has absolutely no fucking tact." "He stinks up the whole neighborhood." "And he's press hungry." "He's just repulsive." "Gregory Stark." "How desperate?" "Scale of 1 to 10." "Bordering on manic." "Do I need to go there?" "You'd want to check it out." "There isn't too much to go on here." "I'd have to go there?" "I don't like it." "Fuck it!" "Sure." "Yeah." "Tell him I'll do it." "Wait." "Don't you even want to hear what it is?" "What is it today?" "What day is it?" "Sunday." "I'll get on the plane to Portland at 11:15 tonight arriving Portland at 1:32 am." "You'll give me the details on the way to the airport tonight." " Wait a minute." "Tonight?" " Yeah. 10:00." "Can't it wait till tomorrow?" "I can have one night with Jess?" "No, you'll go tomorrow at 7:36 a.m because I need you to drive me to the airport tonight at 10:00." "Do you want that low-cal breakfast?" "My abilities are seriously impaired maybe even disabled right at the moment." "Because I got to get to sleep right now." " Daryl." " I'll see you at 10:00." "Jess?" "You're all wet." "I don't care." " Thank you for the flowers." " You're welcome." "You want to come in?" "I'm glad you're back." "I'm glad to be back." "Where are you taking me tonight?" "Jesus." "He wouldn't say what's in the box." "It sounds like some sort of financial record, but he didn't want to tell me." "So whatever he's hiding, he keeps it in a safe deposit box." "But then he keeps the key to the box cleverly hidden on his key ring with his car keys and his house keys?" "I'm telling you what he said." "So anyway, about a year ago..." "It'll be a year on the 12th he loses his keys." "They had a gold-plated Swiss Army knife attached." "A couple days pass." " He gets a little panicky." " Flight 2064 to Portland." "Harold Burges." "Then on June 23rd, he gets a letter at the office." "Comes FedEx." "Stamped "Personal and Confidential."" "Sender's name marked as "Past Due Collections."" "That's nice." "Laser-printed, not very long." "Starts out: "Mr. Stark, I have evidence linking you to your crime." "You may entertain notions of impunity." "But in the end everyone is culpable."" "There's a succession of $100,000 payments to be collected." "He gets letters which lay out a maze and at the end of the maze he makes the drop." "He's done it 7 times so far." "He gave me copies of the letters which are in a file that I'm putting in your briefcase with the case file." "There's a drop tomorrow." "I said he should plan to go through with it." "Good." "There's a lack-of-information problem here, and he won't say much." " What's wrong with these people?" " I said not to lie." "Eventually you always figure it out." "It just slows things down." "You mention the case of the guy who lied about his age?" "Of course." "Was he impressed?" "Really impressed?" "Fucking flabbergasted." "I think if you look truthfully you'll see you maybe moved in with her prematurely." "What?" "You heard me." "Your problems with Jess aren't my fault." "Could we please not talk about this now?" "You're not ready to get married and I think you should look at that and..." "Please?" "I'm thinking maybe I should get in touch with Hodgemeyer for this case." "Reservation for Hodgemeyer Mitchell Hodgemeyer." "This guy will be a pain in the ass." " Try to figure out which bank it is." " All right." "We got one shot to break through this." "Tomorrow afternoon." "That's about the size of it." "Easy enough." "It's not without serious reservation that I begin the seemingly impossible task of documenting my own methods." "It always seemed that someone else should do it." "Unfortunately, my faithful legal representative has shown no interest whatsoever." "And so I am forced to take on the task myself with no intention of glorifying or aggrandizing or immortalizing my own memory but rather in the hope that such a memoir might someday be useful to others." "I begin my examination of the method." "I always say my work relies fundamentally on two basic principles:" "Objectivity and observation." "Or the 2 Obs, as I call them." "My work relies on my ability to remain absolutely purely objective." "Detached." "I have mastered the fine art of detachment." "And while it comes at some cost this supreme objectivity is what makes me I dare say, the greatest observer the world has ever known." "Observing a subject, particularly a client in his or her own element is usually very telling." "Behavior is always more revealing than language if you know what to look for." "No rain." "Would you believe it?" "What?" "You talking to me?" "I said, would you believe it finally stopped raining?" "What are you doing over there, if you don't mind my asking?" "Level 8?" "What?" "Are you doing about an 8?" "Seven." "That's funny." "That's what I'm doing." "What?" "Nothing." "I didn't say anything." "Name's Carmine." " Nick Carmine." " Greg Stark." "Real pleasure to make your acquaintance, Stark." "Likewise." "You're right, but remember since Maxwell's gone, we don't have a fast break." "No team's gotten to the finals without a fast break." "The Celtics of the mid-80's had no fast break." "That's true." "They were a slow team." "One of the best shooting teams." "I know." "I went to school in Cambridge." "The Starks are a long dynasty of Celtic fans." "This is my good friend Gerald Auerbach." "Nick Carmine." "How was everything for you, Mr. Carmine?" "Terrific." "Daisy, could I book a massage for tomorrow morning?" "Sure, no problem." "Betsy comes highly recommended." "Betsy is excellent." "How about 9:00?" "Betsy has an appointment every morning at 9:00." "How about 10:00?" "That's the time I wanted." " Sorry." " It's all right." "You beat me to it." "Are you a paramedic?" "Yes." "How did you know that?" "Just a hunch." "What do you mean, just a hunch?" "How did you know?" "I'm very intuitive." "Give this lady the 10:00 massage." "You take it." "You need it more than I do." "What does that mean?" "What'd she mean?" "Who was that?" "Her name is Gloria Sullivan." "She's not married." "Fantastic." "Wait at the end." "I really hope you're being followed." "You can't be too careful because we need to talk now." "First of all how was your trip?" "Fine." "Good." "I just left Stark at the gym." "Some major revelations." "Guy's a mess." "Somebody's holding something serious over his head and I don't think it's about money." "He doesn't move like a white-collar criminal." "When he walks, his shoulders ride at ear level." "Also, he cut himself shaving 3 times in the last 10 days or so." "These are symptoms of a deeply ingrained paranoid fear." "Fear of being found out." "I get on the treadmill next to his and I get my machine going at his exact pace." "I ask him what level he's running at." "I guess 8." "He says level 7." "I'm running at the same speed he is." "Level 5." "He'd sooner lie to a complete stranger than to admit to being 3 levels below my guess." "As soon as I talk to him, he runs the other way." "It's conditioning, though." "A reflex." "He obviously didn't think to connect me to the blackmail business at all." "If he'd suspected me he would have remembered my name, which he didn't." "Also, like most Ivy League graduates, he drops his alma mater with almost no prompting whatsoever." "I say Celtics, he says Cambridge." "Oh yeah, the gentleman prefers redheads." "He lusts after his red-haired masseuse." "You can tell by the way he takes his massage." "It's more than a little eroticized." "He does it every day at the same time with the same woman." "I found an e-mail message from Clearburg." "Kind of cryptic." "Note said "Thorough check finds no boxer with the name K.V."" "K.V. Are obviously initials." "We have to figure out what they stand for." "Lets see, what else?" "That's the important stuff." "It's Sergio." "Sergio Knight." "Right." "Whatever." "Can I ask you a question?" "What's that?" "Why are we talking on the phone?" "I told you." "We can't be too careful." "Two guys in an airport talking?" "It's a little fishy." "Why are we even in an airport?" "Why don't we just leave?" "Okay, I see the confusion." "I need more research." "I need you to go back to L.A. And get in the computer." "Then break into Clearburg's computer and pull anything pertinent." "I've written elaborate directions." "They're in the phone book." "In front of you." "Turn to Rentals." "I'll meet you at the motel tonight when you get back." "Instead of calling me, you had me fly up here to tell me to go back to the computer and then fly back again tonight?" "It wasn't an emergency." "There was no reason to risk the long-distance lines." "They listen, you know." "Are you still there?" "Here we go." ""Transaction instructions for this Monday night." "$100,000 cash transported in a discreet black leather bag that you shall provide for yourself." "Wear your business suit and your gray overcoat." "Carry the enclosed pager set to the inaudible vibrating response." "Go about your day per usual." "Go to the gym, then the office." "Leave the office at 5 p.m." "Your course is as follows:" "Number 1:" "At 5:30 p.m., be at the intersection of Powell and Green with the cash." "2:" "When the clock in your car reads 5:34 begin driving northbound up Powell." "Number 3:" "Pager will go off, displaying 6 digits." "When your vehicle's odometer reads the same overall mileage, pull over and park ASAP." "Number 4:" "Funds in hand, walk to the nearest bus stop, same side of the street." "Get on the next bus." "Five:" "Pager will deliver a 3-digit number." "Get off the bus at the next stop, cross the street get on the train with the painted number that corresponds with the pager message." "Sit in the front-most available seat." "Six:" "Pager will deliver a third and final message." "Get off the train walk to the corresponding street address." "7:" "Upon arrival, enter the building." "Enter the first possible men's room." "Go to the toilet stall furthest from the door lock yourself in in tank of toilet, find plastic bag." "Transfer cash into bag replace in tank walk outside and trip the nearest fire alarm then leave immediately." "You have 3 minutes to get out of the building from the time you enter." "You are not to be accompanied you are not to be followed." "Your complete cooperation..."" "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." "A few words here about following people." "People know they're being followed when they turn and see someone following them." "They can't tell they're being followed if you get there first." "Okay folks, that's the fire alarm." "Everybody must leave the building." "Please, do not run." "Gloria Sullivan." "You Arlo?" "That other guy left this for you." "That Olson?" "He has a strange personality." "I can't possibly overstate the importance of good research." "Everyone goes through life dropping crumbs." "Recognize the crumbs and you can trace a path from your death certificate to the dinner and movie that resulted in you in the first place." "But research is an art not a science." "Because anyone can find the crumbs the wheres, whats and whos." "The art is in the whys the ability to read between the crumbs not to mix metaphors." "For every event, there is a cause and effect." "For every crime a motive." "And for every motive, a passion." "The art of research is the ability to look at the details and see the passion." "Excuse me." "Okay, so, you have to tell me now." "Yesterday, how could you tell that I was a paramedic?" "You really want to know?" "I could smell it." "What do you mean?" "I could smell iodine." "That's a very specific scent that's unique largely to ambulances and hospitals." "I could see that your hair had been wet, but dried naturally." "But I smelled iodine, so you hadn't gone home to bathe or scrub down since your last shift." "Then I assumed you worked the night before, when it rained." "Then I figured paramedic, not doctor or nurse." "That's how I just kind of guessed." "You're right about each part." "Do you enjoy that work?" "Sometimes." "Sometimes?" "It can be a thrill." "You rush in the middle of something, some chaotic mess, and get involved intervene maybe help somebody maybe revive their body." "Some of it's just boring, though." "The hours are terrible." "12 and 18-hour shifts..." "I'm rambling now, so..." "That's interesting to me." "What about you?" "Do you live around here?" ""Do you live around here?"" "Stupid question." "What difference does that make?" "No, that's okay." "I'm only here for a couple of days on business." "So you're with that conference?" "So you're an accountant?" "That's pretty exciting, I know." "I don't know how you do that." "All the forms, all the time..." "The forms grow on you." "Where do you live?" "Nick." "I know." "Nick Carmine." "Daisy, the front desk." "She told me." "What did I tell you about these curtains?" "And these over here?" "Fucking whales?" "Fuck the whales!" "I'm a mess." "All that fucking exercise." "Maybe you should stop snorting that shit." "It keeps my teeth sharp." "I went back to L.A. And got that stuff that you sent me to get but since you then went back to L.A. Yourself you probably don't need it anymore." "Did you see that poem that Stark wrote in college, "An Ode to Clarissa?"" "Worst I've read since the case of the shrinking gypsy stripper's scribblings." "Tell me this:" "How do you rhyme 'towards' and 'birds'?" ""Dropping, falling diving towards..." "Two lovers lost." "Plummeting birds"?" "They don't rhyme." "Maybe it's not supposed to rhyme." "Also how do you write a poem about Clarissa and never have the name in the poem?" "If ever a name deserved, begged to be in a poem, it's Clarissa." "Anyway, I did that phone book-database cross-reference thing you asked for and there are 1800 men in Oregon with the initials 'K.V.'" "And about a million in the United States that are listed." "How about you?" "Have any luck on your end?" "I found the blackmailer." " You did?" " Yeah." "Her name is Gloria Sullivan." "How do you know it's her?" "I watched her walk into the bathroom and get the money." "I have to admit I was a bit surprised." "I had a few guesses about suspects, but I'd never..." "I mean, I just didn't even think twice about that girl." "So what's her deal?" "Her deal?" "Her deal is that there is absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about her." "She's a model citizen, college graduate, good paramedic." "She volunteers at a hospital for the elderly." "She has no criminal record." "I mean, she's very even-tempered." "She's friendly eager to chat." "There's no nervousness about her, which is odd for a blackmailer." "Even at the pickup yesterday, she's just..." "She's very cool." "She's very cool." "But there's a definite intensity about her." "She looks you right in the eye." "Sort of a sensual quality." "Very personable." "A nice sense of humor and actually very charming." "Charming?" "Did you just say charming?" "Keep looking for that safe deposit box and then get Stark out of the office." "Make plans for him to pay you at 5:00 tonight." "Then maybe you could go home for a couple of nights." "Couple of nights?" "Aren't we done?" "You found the blackmailer." "He only wanted a name." "We're not done yet." "First I have to find out what her deal is." "Is this your kid?" "Nope." "Just a rental." " You got the money?" " It's in the trunk." "The first third." "You want a turn?" "Does he know who's doing this to me?" "Can't tell you anything yet." "Nothing." "Too soon." "Could interfere with the investigation." "Jesus." "Okay, so here's how this is going to work." "You gave your car to the valet like I asked?" "Good." "Now when we get out of sight give me your valet ticket, I'll give you one." "Go back to the restaurant." "Order something." "I had a late lunch." "I'm not hungry." "Then order something light, like a salad." "When you're done, give the valet your ticket." "He'll bring a car identical to yours." "Follow the map in the glove box." "It'll lead you back to your own car, which I'll have taken our money out of." "Keys'll be in the visor." "Now is there anything you want to tell Mr. Zero that might make his job easier?" "What do you have in mind?" "Like for example what's in the safe deposit box and where is it?" "I told you that is not pertinent to his task." ""K.V."" "Now, a few words on looking for things." "When you look for something specific your chances of finding it are very bad because of all things in the world, you only want one of them." "When you look for anything at all your chances of finding it are very good because of all the things in the world you're sure to find some of them." "And the most important rule:" "Often what you're looking for is right in front of your nose." "There he is." "I told you about his thing for redheads, right?" "Guess what color hair his secretary has." "Red?" "Men are so predictable." "So did you find anything useful?" "Gold mine." "First of all, I got a full name on that boxer that Clearburg couldn't find." "Kragen Vincent." "K.V." "It was on a letter from our blackmailer to our blackmailee. "I warn you:" "Stay away from Kragen Vincent."" "He said he gave us all the letters." "He didn't give us that one." "Mr. Stark apparently doesn't want me to know about Kragen Vincent." "So we'll have to figure out who he is and where." "I did find one other thing of interest, though." "Holy shit!" "Those are the keys." "You found the gold Swiss Army knife." "I know." "And the safe deposit box key." "Where'd you find them?" "In the sofa under the cushion." "What?" "They were stuck in the couch in his office." "Was he hiding them?" "Is that possible?" "No." "Not possible." "That's where they fell out of his pocket over a year ago." "What do you make of this?" "I think, just as I feared, Ms. Sullivan doesn't know a thing about these keys." "The keys are a coincidence?" "That's confusing." "Doesn't seem like a good thing." "Sure it is." "It's good because the man has been looking for his keys for a year and I found them." "Now, I'm going to go home." "So tell me you won't need me tomorrow because I could check out this Kragen..." "I won't need you tomorrow." "I'm trusting you here, Daryl." "Have a nice trip." "It's cold and dark in my heart" "Said it's cold and dark in my heart Mama" "Look, I know this is totally inappropriate but..." " Never mind." " What?" "You know what I'm going to ask you." "Is there any way I can get you to look over my tax returns?" "You can speak 6 languages and fly a jetliner but you don't know how to file a tax return?" "It's never come up?" "Does this have to happen right now?" "No, that's a W-2." "WW II was the Second World War." "Here it is." "My humble palace." "It's very nice." "How long have you been here?" "3 years." "That's something." "You're going to need a calculator?" "That would be great." "You're an accountant so you would know." "What is the Corrodium 3 deduction?" "The Corrodium 3 deduction." "That's a very good question because that, in fact, is probably the most widely misunderstood deduction in the book." "Really." "Indeed." "The Corrodium 3 deduction is an incentive used by large manufacturers who are able to moderate their use of Class 3 decay toxins such as Corrodium and Maalgorium." "Anything else?" "All right." "Time to get dirty." "About how long is this going to take?" "A little while." "If you don't mind, I was going to take a nap." "Are you sure it's okay?" "I'll just be here." "Just yell if you need anything else." "How's it going over there?" "Just another minute." "I'm rechecking my math." "You really ought to try to keep all your receipts for everything." "I know." "I never remember." "Just put them in an envelope." "That's the thing to do." "I try to keep all my receipts." "It's just a matter of habit now." "I can't thank you enough." "You really helped me out there." "That's really my pleasure." "Okay, listen." "Let me make you dinner." "No, you don't have to do that." "I insist." "I'll hop in the shower real quick, then make us some food." "All right." ""Retired."" "Jesus!" "Another 7-letter word." "17 plus 50 67 points." "Retire." "Retire." "It's not quite that simple." "Why is it not that simple, Steve?" "Whenever you say that it creeps me out." "I told you, it's nothing weird." "I mean, okay, yes." "It's a little weird." "But it's nothing creepy exactly." "What do you get out of this?" "What kind of a hold does this guy, whoever he is have on you?" "He needs me." "He needs you." "Who needs who?" "I need you." "It's time to get away from him, Steve." "I'll do it tomorrow when I get there if you will marry me." "Marry me." "Absolutely vital:" "The ability to blend in." "To very discreetly assimilate." "It's not usually very difficult." "All you have to do is look around see how all the ordinary people are behaving and try to behave like one of them." "You know, when I was in L.A it seemed like such a lonely town." "Everybody's driving in their cars, nobody talks to each other..." "I don't really know, to tell you the truth about that." "So where are you from?" "Originally?" "Minnesota." "Minnesota." "I've never been there." "Do you go back there much?" "You still have family there?" "We're not really in touch." "So what are you doing in L.A.?" "Oh, I was there twice." "Once when I was little." "I was there with my aunt and uncle." "I was raised by my aunt and uncle." "They adopted me." "Then last year I was there skydiving." "Skydiving?" "Why do you do that?" "Because I love it." "It's the most amazing thing in the world." "Aren't you afraid you'll die or something?" "I know what you need." "Try again." "Take your time now." "Really set yourself." "Remember to bend your elbows a little." "A little less." "Keep the right arm straight with the left elbow." "Check your aim again." "Then whenever you're ready." "You do this all the time?" "Whenever I can." "I find it deeply satisfying." "Nice." "You try again." "Take your time." "Don't be afraid." "It's safe just as long as you're careful." "It's all about staying relaxed." "Sorry." "It's okay." "Just relax." "Bend this a little." "Keep this straight." "Hips back a little." "Lean into it." "Commit to it." "Check your aim again." "Relax and fire." "There you go." "Doesn't that feel good?" " Want to try the shotgun?" " Sure." "You want to stay at my place tonight?" "I mean, you don't have to." "But the couch folds out." "I just thought it'd be silly to go to my place then you'd have to drive across town to some crummy old motel." "That'd be great." "Good." "I'll even give you a receipt." "You can write it off." "You know my motto:" "Always save the receipt." "You slept at her house?" "She thought it'd be easier than driving back to the motel." "I can't believe you slept at her house." "I can't believe, with all that time with her I couldn't tell more what was going on in her head." "I couldn't tell what she was thinking." "That's usually how it is in the beginning." "Maybe I'll be able to see more tonight at dinner." "You're taking her to dinner." "What was I going to say, no?" "You got anymore on Kragen Vincent?" "There's one serving time at the State Penitentiary." "A life sentence." "Prison records didn't say what for." "We better go find out." "Anything else?" "What is it?" "Nothing." "You the officer in charge of records?" "I'm him." "Lieutenant Earl Hagans." " Steve Arlo." "Can I come in?" " What is this regarding?" "I work for a private..." "The Department does not share records with P.I.'s except by court order." "I assume that you do not have a court order." "I work for a private detective named Daryl Zero." "Murder One, in 1972." "Single count." "And guess what the victim's name is." "Let me guess." "I don't mean really guess." "No way you could actually guess." "Clarissa." "Yeah." "Clarissa Devereau." "Of 'plummeting birds' fame." "Seems likely, doesn't it?" "Very likely." "Two shots, one to the head, one to the torso, execution style." "In her motel room." "Sounds professional." "Except he made a complete mess." "A ton of evidence, prints on everything." "I got crime scene photos." "Remember the case of the hired gun who made way, way too many mistakes?" "It's a lot like that." "They pick him up, try him, give him life, no parole." "They think he works for someone but he won't talk even when they offer him a deal." "And Clarissa has quite an arrest record for a young girl." "Mostly political, New York and Boston." "Disturbing the peace, public indecency breaking and entering." "Regular firecracker." "Regular 'plummeting bird'." "And Vincent's still in jail?" "No." "He was moved for medical reasons a couple years ago." "Kragen is her father." "She was raised by his sister because he was in prison." "She blames Stark for ruining her father's life." "Stark hired Vincent to kill Clarissa for some reason." "Vincent got caught, spent his life in prison." "Now he's dying this slow, painful death." "She's watched her father's life drip away and she's getting even." "She has something, some evidence or something that ties Stark to the murder." "I got to figure out what it is and where she's keeping it." "Take me to the scene of the crime." "It's right up here." "Ready?" "1, 2, 3." "The bed we just moved is a full-size bed." "In 1972, there was no size called full." "They had doubles and queens." "The full was invented to combine the width of a queen with the space-efficient length of a double and eventually replaced the double in North America and Europe except for Quebec and Sweden." "The bed in the picture is not a double." "It's too long." "It's not a full." "It wasn't invented." "It is a queen." "Which means that that bed then was longer than this bed now." "So sometime in the last 30 years, somebody must have replaced the bed." "Hear that?" "Secret room?" "It's a pipe." "There once was a radiant water heater right there." "Kragen bursts into the room." "Her body was found face up." "She must've been facing him, probably standing close to where you are now." "Right away, before she could scream, she's down she's dead, it's over." "The only question is, once she was dead why didn't he get out of there?" "Instead he proceeds to touch the dresser, the sink the doorknob and the nightstand." "What does the bed have to do with it?" "In 1972, it was against code to have a hotel bed 2 feet from a door that opens inwards 7 feet from a fish tank or a lava lamp or 3 feet from a radiant heater." "Imagine if you will, a bed longer than this one and a heater over here." "Wouldn't clear 2 feet much less 3." "And no inspector would let that pass." "Which means Kragen may have moved the bed." "I see." "So you're proposing that he busts in the room sees her standing there, shoots her twice moves the bed." "Something like that." "Why would anybody do that?" "Hello." "I don't know." "I'm trying to figure out some physical evidence that Kragen might have taken that he gave to his daughter so that she could blackmail Stark." "I'm trying to figure out what is absent." "Something happened in here." "Something involving his touching the dresser touching the sink, touching the doorknob, touching the nightstand and probably moving the bed." "Probably?" "Somebody else could have moved it." "Come on." "There were only two of them." "Him and her." "Exactly." "You need to talk to Stark." "We got a few questions for him." "I had a feeling you two would be a good match." "I'm good at reading people." "Thank you." "Do you want my opinion?" "You should try to hold onto him." "How often do you meet a wealthy single architect from Los Angeles?" "Daisy, he's an accountant." "Are you sure?" "He's here for their convention." "That's why I asked him to do my taxes." "I swear I thought he said he was an architect." "Question:" " Sorry to startle you." " Jesus." "How do you pronounce the word t-o-w-a-r-d-s?" "You nearly gave me a heart attack." "I had to contact you right away." "What do you need?" "I must ask you some things." "Just drive." "Fasten your seat belt." "First of all, how do you pronounce the word t-o-w-a-r-d-s?" "Towards?" "And things that have wings and fly?" "You mean birds?" "That's right." "They don't rhyme." "What?" "Never mind." "The other thing was, why did you kill Clarissa?" "I met her my sophomore year." "I was 19 and she was 25, I think." "From New York, living in Cambridge." "I met her at a demonstration." "I have never seen anybody like her." "She let me walk her home and she kissed me for the first and only time." "You can skip right to the part where you decide to kill her." "Watch yourself, Arlo." "Please describe the circumstances surrounding your contracting her murder." "After that first night, I was hooked." "I was like an addict." "Finally, she didn't want to see me anymore." "I guess I got a little obsessive." "My last year of graduate school I met my wife." "And after I graduated, we moved back here, we got married and I went to work with my dad at the company." "And I had all but forgotten about Clarissa." "Then, in 1972, we'd been back about a year I got a letter from her." "She was here in Portland." "The letter was a threatening letter." "What was it?" "I don't think that makes a thread of difference." "What did the letter say?" "She was accusing me of something." "Rape." "Did she want money?" "No, she wanted to ruin my life." "I knew no jury'd convict me." "I was convinced of that." "But I couldn't take this kind of publicity, nor could my family." "I saw my whole future flash before my eyes." "So you hired Kragen Vincent." "He said that for $5000 he could solve my problem." "And that's all I know about the subject, officer." "So what's in the safe deposit box?" "A tape." "A tape he made of our meeting." "Audio tape." "My hiring him our names as clear as day." "Why didn't you just destroy it years ago?" "Because I don't know where it is." "Go on." "About a week after he gets caught a man comes to my house in the middle of the night and tells me that Kragen expects me to bankroll his defense though a middleman, obviously." "And he also wanted money for his family." "Then he played me a copy of this tape and said if I refused he would turn the tape over to the police." "He then gave me a key to a safe deposit box." "Said at the end of 25 years when Kragen got out or if he should die I would be given the location of the box." "In the meantime I'm to hang onto this key with no lock and our friend would hang onto his lock with no key." "What would you do if someone was threatening you like that or blackmailing you like this?" "What do you do?" "I don't know." "It's never come up." "Imagine it." "Imagine some opportunistic piece of birdshit has got a way to compromise you." "What do you do about it?" "You can't buy silence." "You can only rent it." "If somebody has something on you, they'll always have it." "So the cost has no ceiling and the fear has no end." "That's why some knowledge, some information is like a terminal disease." "It's contagious and it's fatal." "Passion is the enemy of precision." "Forget the misnomer 'crime of passion'." "All crime is passionate." "It's passion that moves the criminal to act that disrupts the static inertia of morality." "The client's passion for this dead woman had facilitated his downfall." "And the blackmailer's passion would facilitate hers." "When you live with no passion other people's passions come into glaring relief." "Bullshit, bullshit bullshit!" "Jesus!" "Would you stop it?" "Stop it!" "Jesus!" "Control yourself, all right?" "Control myself?" "This is fucking bullshit!" "Haven't I been good to you?" "Haven't I been fucking incredibly mindblowingly, fuckingly, divinely generous as a fucking saint you ungrateful fuck!" "Hey, watch it all right?" "Ungrateful fuck!" "Shut up!" "Why?" "I told you why." "I cannot live like this anymore." "I can't do it to Jess." "I can't do it to myself and I'm sick and tired of working for the Starks of the world the lowest scum of the earth, buying their way out of their own messes." "These people are victims of plots and they need our help." "This guy is a murderer-at-large who needs our help." "Their business equals their business." "We're not involved." "It has nothing to do with us." "Do you believe that?" "We're the good guys." "What are you talking about?" "There aren't any good guys." "You realize that, don't you?" "You realize there aren't evil guys and innocent guys." "It's just a bunch of guys." "What am I supposed to do?" "Just start taking meetings with people?" "Just start talking with people?" "Maybe." "Fuck that." "You know, you'll figure it out." "I mean you're probably the best..." "Excuse me?" "Excuse me." "You are the best." "I'm telling you that after this case I'm finished." "I meant what am I supposed to do without you?" "You want my honest opinion?" "You should take all this money that you've made and move to Europe." "Meet a girl." "See the world." "Really see the world." "Don't observe it." "See what it's like." "What do you know?" "I'm the greatest private investigator in the world." "I'll go check for safe deposit boxes under the name Kragen Vincent." "I don't know if that's necessary." "What Clearburg probably meant when he says there's no boxer with the name Kragen Vincent is that there's no boxes with the name Kragen Vincent." "I think it's a typo." "Right." "Right." "He probably used a different name." "That's what I think." "Well, then I'll go get a beer with my friend Bill." "I said, I think." "But you should go and check just to make sure." "Fine." "But I really hope that you've heard me." "Sorry to startle you." "What are you doing here?" "I followed you." "Back at my car, this was on the windshield." "Another payment, due tomorrow morning." "You sure you weren't followed?" "I wasn't." "I told you how to contact me." "You should not have come here." "Is he in there?" "If I walked in there now, would Mr. Zero be happy to meet me?" "Go home." "Right now." "Make the payment tomorrow." "We're very, very close." "I'm sick of cooperating." "It used to be 2 or 3 weeks." "Now it's every two days." "Why so close together?" "Maybe he's nervous." "Maybe he wants to kill me." "I should carry a weapon." "No, you shouldn't." "Look, just don't panic all right?" "How dedicated are you, really?" "Your timing's impeccable." " How do you mean?" " Never mind." "Maybe you've got some ambition of your own." "Maybe you want to have your own firm." "You got me pegged." "That's all I want is to someday be Daryl Zero." "I'll give you $1 million if you sell out your boss." "Just turn over your suspect." "Name and address." "$2 million for a name and an address." "Cash." "We can go to the bank right now." "You'd give me $2 million so you don't have to do this thing tomorrow?" "I'm willing to give you $5 million." "How much does he pay you?" "$5 million so you can kill someone right away instead of a day later." "For $5 million you do it." " What if I walked in right now..." " He's not in there." "What if I want to find out myself?" "What would happen?" "I'll shoot you." "Really." "I will." "I have a gun and everything." "You're threatening me?" "I'm threatening to kill you." "What?" "Right before you jump off the plane you stand there with all the equipment on." "You know what to do, you can't wait." "Is there a time when you think:" ""What if it doesn't open?" "What if this is the last thing I ever do?"" "You're really stuck on the skydiving thing." "I'm stuck on what it is that makes you do very dangerous things." "Even dangerous things can be safe if you're careful." "There's such a thing as knowing the odds." "Quitting while you're ahead." "Quitting before you're dead." "You know, you, me anyone could walk out here and get killed by some drunk in a pickup." "I could slip in the shower and break my neck." "When your number's up it's up." "There's no sense to it." "There's no justice." "Innocent people suffer and murderers get away with it." "So when my number's up, whether I'm walking down the street or doing something else that will be that." "And until then, I'm just going to do what I need to do." "What is it you need to do?" "I need to try to feel right." "Can I get you anything else?" "No, I think that's it." "Do you need anything?" "I'm okay." "I'll take the check." "You got it." "Be right back." "When I was a little girl I used to hope that someday I'd grow up to look like that waitress." "My mother had hair like that." "My natural mother." "Really?" "God, I forgot how that works." "Wait a minute." "Can a person be considered physical evidence?" "Like in a rape case?" "You mean if the guy doesn't know about the kid?" "I think so." "We think so." "Why?" "You mean..." "She is the evidence." "She's not Kragen's daughter." "She's Stark's daughter." "I must admit, I like this place." "What?" "You said that you don't speak to your family." "Why not?" "I realize I'm prying but what can I say?" "I'm prying." "I want to know about you." "Just look me in the eyes and talk to me." "All right." "My father was an evil, abusive man." "And he killed my mother when she was sleeping." "And then he slit his wrists when I was 13." "I don't talk about that much." "I used to when it happened and then one day I woke up and I don't know." "Everything was different." "How about that?" "What doesn't kill you defines you." "Sometimes what you're looking for is right in front of your nose." "That's what I've always said." "You just going to stand there watching or you going to do something about it?" "I got to get going." "So I'll see you around 6:00 at my place." "As soon as I'm done with my meetings." "Good." "Bye." "At this point, you will receive a final message on the pager." "Get on the corresponding bus and take it to the end of the line." "Find the nearby bank of outhouses." "In center unit, find pair of blue plastic garbage bags." "Make your deposit as usual." "When you have done this get back on the bus." "Do not hesitate." "Do not deviate from the designated course." "You'll be monitored at every interval." "We are prepared to act." "The words were similar but there was a new component this time:" "Desperation." "When you spend enough time around the chemistry of desperation you come to recognize the smell." "One desperate element is combustible." "More than one desperate element is lethal." "Shit." "Call 911." "Hurry up." "All right." "Are you okay?" "Do you know your name?" "Who are you?" "That's right, sir." "Who are you?" "You know?" " What happened?" " Cardiac arrest." "Are you a doctor?" "What's the name on that box, sir?" "The name is Stark." "Gloria Stark." "According to our records, nobody's been to that box for more than 20 years." "She lost the key." "Her father had it." "Hi, it's Gloria." "I'll call you back." "Are you there?" "I'm here." "I'm about to get on a plane and be gone forever." "I think that's a mistake." "Yeah, I don't see any choice." "What if I come find you?" "You're so sure that you could?" "Thai Air." "Flight 214." "Direct to Bangkok." "Departs in half an hour." "Okay, it's over." "You figured me out." "Nobody else got close." "You know, he doesn't know about you." "He doesn't know he has a child." "I know." "She never told him." "She wanted him to deny that he'd even touched her." "Then at the last minute, surprise!" "Look who's a daddy." "And a rapist." "And a murderer." "He hires Kragen Vincent." "Kragen decides to hit her in her motel room late at night." "He comes in the room shoots her twice." "But he doesn't realize that you, less than a year old, are in the room." "He doesn't see you at first, because you're in a crawl space she's made for you by pulling the corner of the bed closer to the wall." "And even with the silencer on the gun, and it all happening so quickly you start crying." "He's got to do something." "You're screaming your lungs out now." "So he picks you up." "You stop crying." "And once he's got the baby it's a done deal." "There he is holding the infant." "That's when he decides he'd rather risk it all." "He'd rather risk life in prison than leave you in that room." "To protect you from Stark, he gets rid of all the evidence." "Diapers, diaper bag bottles, blankets something on the dresser, something in the sink something hanging off a doorknob something on the nightstand." "And then he leaves his prints everywhere." "He leaves the body, takes the baby and hauls ass out of there because he knows he's got to get you to his sister." "You grow up thinking Vincent is your father and you're being raised by your aunt and uncle." "And then Vincent comes clean." "He told me what happened, but he would never tell me who it was." "And then about a year ago, I figured that out." "Mr. Stark." "So then you start writing letters." "Stark pays and the rest is history." "You got the whole thing." "You win." "You saved his life this morning." "I know." "I guess a person can't escape their nature." "How did you know about me?" "Couple of things." "And the receipt last night." "I know." "I forgot to take it." ""Passion is the enemy of precision."" "I got sloppy." "Are you going to come looking for me?" "Will you tell him about me so he can have somebody kill me?" "Because he will." "I know." "So what are we going to do about this?" "There's a man sitting on a bench behind you." "Oh, God!" "It's okay." "Relax." "He has an envelope." "Inside are some fake identification and some plane tickets." "First Ecuador, and then wherever you want." "Keep moving, first couple of months." "Stay out of westernized countries for a while." "Don't carry too much cash on your body." "Give incorrect information everywhere." "And never use your real name." "Thank you." "Thank you." "If you knew I was here why didn't you come yourself?" "I'm not sure." "I knew you'd be there but I'd hoped you'd be here." "You know, you could join me." "A person can't escape their nature." "That's what I thought." "You're the best I've ever seen." "So are you." "I've never said the words before to anyone." "You don't have to." "I love you too Daryl Zero." "So ends my account of the case that I have named..." ""..." "The Case of the Man Who Got So Stressed-Out Over His Lost Keys That He Eventually Had a Heart Attack And It Turned Out They Were in the Sofa All Along."" "I returned the first installment of my fee as I had not given a complete explanation." "Some questions are for answering others are better left to torture and torment for all eternity." "A nagging itch for the rest of his life seemed reasonable, especially since I did solve his problem." "He got the tape he'd been waiting for for so long." "He wouldn't be throwing anymore money down the toilet." "And I gave back his keys." "This did, in fact, prove to be my final work experience with my longtime associate though I have assured him that when he someday finds that he cannot live without me his position will again be available to him." "He thanked me and suggested that I not hold my breath." "I also attended the funeral of the hit man who died not long after these events described above." "For some reason, I felt a certain kinship with this man whose life was forever changed after he failed to remain objective about the lady blackmailer." "Which brings me to the other participant." "I never made any attempt to find her." "But if my suspicion is correct, she's flying through the sky as we speak." ""...plummeting towards the earth like a falling bird..."" "...to quote one of my favorite poets." "After investigating her, I found myself in better shape than ever before." "To me, she will always be a singular, unforgettable event:" "The only time I ever took leave of my objectivity." "Perhaps the most able blackmailer of her time, she was at once the worthiest opponent and the greatest ally." "And the only woman I have ever..." "The only woman." "Period." "And though I never would have have anticipated it in the end she did for me what I have done for so many." "Helped solve a problem, first by observation then by careful intervention." "In other words:" "The Zero Effect."