"Uh, there's witches up there." "See?" "See?" "See?" "Heh-heh." "They changed the witch sign from an old hag witch to a pretty young witch." "And the cops are going up there right now, and they're gonna get 'em for taking the bedwarmer." "Sam, I don't wanna spend the first day of what I laughingly call a vacation, in jail." "But, sweetheart, it isn't my fault that the bedwarmer followed me back from the House of Seven Gables." "Sam, we're harboring a hot bedwarmer." "Now, will you please zap it back to where it belongs." "Darrin, this is a warlock who has been transformed." "Now, don't you think I have a moral obligation to help him?" "I think you have a moral obligation to see that we stay out of jail." "Ow!" "Sam, if you don't get rid of that, I will." "With an axe." "Who is it?" "OFFICER:" "Open up." "Police." "Sam, honey, quick." "Zap it out of here." "What's the matter?" "He doesn't wanna go." "Well, this is no time to give him a choice." "Darrin, there is a warlock in there." "Now, if he refuses to leave, my witchcraft won't work." "You witches have the dumbest rules." "And at the dumbest times." "Open up in there." "I'd better hide it." "Boy, are you stubborn." "Coming." "Oh." "Hello, Miss Ferndale." "We'd like to talk to you about something." "You mind if we come in?" "Uh, not at all." "Is that him?" "Yes." "And that's her." "And if you don't mind, I'm going to look for my bedwarmer." "to make the identification." "The rest is up to us." "Oh." "Very well." "I'll never understand how you thought you could get away with it." "With what?" "Officer, please call me as soon as you recover the bedwarmer." "I certainly will." "You were both at the House of the Seven Gables today?" "Uh, that's right." "Have either one of you any knowledge of a bedwarmer?" "I" " I do." "Uh, first, you put the hot coals inside, a-and then you pass it between the cold sheets to warm them." "I don't think you understand." "This valuable antique was missing from the House of the Seven Gables today, right after you people left." "W" " Now, wait a minute." "Uh, you're not implying that we stole it?" "Oh, uh, of course not, sweetheart." "The officers are just doing their duty." "When they find out they have the wrong party, I'm sure they'll apo" "logize." "Wrong party, huh?" "O-officer, we are telling the truth." "We did not steal it." "No?" "What did it do?" "Follow you here?" "Yes." "As a matter of fact, it did." "Wiseacre remarks are not going to help you." "You're both under arrest." "She had nothing to do with it." "Okay." "Then you're under arrest." "It's, uh... heavier than it looks." "Excuse me." "May I?" "Now, I want you to go with these nice gentlemen." "And I want you to stay put until you hear from me." "I don't want you to do anything rash." "You understand?" "Grab it." "Grab what?" "The bedwarmer." "You grab it." "All right, let's go." "Up here, Samantha." "Oh." "Uh, Mother, you have to help me." "Just a minute." "I'm looking over the agenda for tonight's meeting." "But it's an emergency." "Oh." "What is it?" "The police have arrested Darrin for stealing that bedwarmer." "And?" "He's in jail." "You call that an emergency?" "That's not funny." "Excuse me." "Why are you so upset?" "What's the worst that can happen?" "Uh" "They'll put Durwood away for a week or a month." "Or a year at the most... if we're lucky." "Mother, sometimes you can be positively vicious." "Thank you, my precious pet." "Yeah." "Now, now, look." "They cannot hold Darrin if I can get rid of the evidence." "Uh, now, I have to find the spell that'll turn that bedwarmer back to its original form." "The only one who can tell you that is the witch who cast it." "Well, I know that." "That's why I want you to put me on the agenda so I can ask if anyone knows about it." "Well, it's a pretty long agenda right now." "We probably won't get to you tonight." "Mother... either I am first on the agenda, or Daddy is going to find out all about you and Sir Walter Raleigh." "What is there to find out?" "The dear man was kind enough to put his cape down over a puddle for me." "You invited him home to dinner." "So what?" "Mother, uh, when you sent me to bed after dinner..." "I didn't go to bed." "Oh, heh." "Guess who's first on the agenda?" "All right." "All right." "It's time to get started." "Let's settle down, shall we?" "As chairlady..." "I declare the Centennial Convocation of the Witches of the World to be in session." "The first on the agenda is my daughter, Samantha." "Thank you." "You have 10 seconds." "What?" "How can I explain the problem in 10 seconds?" "You now have eight seconds." "Uh, I" " I want to know if anyone here has any knowledge of an incident that apparently took place during the witch hunts." "It involves a bedwarmer." "Well, we have to move on." "The next order of business" "Oh, wait, wait, wait." "Oh, Mother, please." "Now what?" "Will you try?" "You try." "Send a message out to the atmospheric continuum." "Oh." "Very well." "Will those in front move back a bit?" "There may be a little fallout." "Sparks fly up And fire rise" "While I the air Do mesmerize" "Find the one Who cast the spell" "And bring him To this ferny dell" "Well, we should have an answer within a few minutes." "Oh, good." "Uh, that'll give me time to pop down to jail and see Darrin." "Uh, he's going to be tickled when he finds out how cooperative you've been." "Tsk." "I may be ill." "I'll go quietly, officer." "Oh." "Oh." "Can't you stop snoring?" "Only if I stop sleeping." "Forget it." "Go back to sleep." "Can't." "Once I'm up, I'm up for the rest of the" "Hi, sweetheart." "Sam, what are you doing here?" "Suppose somebody sees you?" "I just dropped in for a minute to tell you the good news." "Mother just sent out a call to find the person who put the spell on that bedwarmer." "I knew it." "I knew it." "They're back." "The witches are back." "You'd better cut out of here quick." "Okay." "Bye-bye, sweetheart." "See you in court." "All right now." "What's all the fuss?" "Wouldn't believe me when" "I told you there was witches, huh?" "Explain to me how she got in here." "Who?" "Her." "What--?" "W-what happened to her?" "Mr. Potter... go back to sleep." "And have another nightmare?" "Not me." "Good." "That's the first break" "I've had all day." "Oh, Samantha." "We've been waiting for you." "Has anything happened?" "Uh, yes." "Uh, the witch who cast that spell just arrived." "Uh, she's over there with your mother." "Serena." "Might have known." "Oh!" "Oh, there you are, darling." "Look what the atmospheric continuum blew in." "Hi, Serena." "Hi, Sammy." "Figures." "Okay." "Uh, just give me the spell you used to change him." "Oh, you've got to be kidding." "That was 300 years ago." "I can't remember that far back." "She has a hard enough time remembering what happened yesterday." "Ha-ha-ha!" "Thanks, Auntie Endora." "Well, I have to get back to the palace before the maharajah's wives return from the seashore." "Uh-uh." "No, no." "You're not going anywhere." "Not until we straighten this out." "Mother?" "Now what?" "What you are going to do is send her back to old Salem so she can re-create the incident and sharpen her memory." "Okay." "Let's get this show on the road." "Winds blow And stars turn round" "Into the past With the speed of sound" "Take this witch To the time and place" "Back to the scene Of Salem's disgrace" "Uh, uh-- Uh, Serena." "Widow Patterson." "What has happened to thee?" "I am accused of being a witch." "Oh." "Oh, Serena." "Thou art too much." "Oh." "Thy lovely wench." "Mm." "Mm-hm-hm." "Ooh." "Serena." "Ah!" "Serena." "Well, what art thou doing?" "Well, I'm not picking cotton." "What can I do for you, chum?" "What are those... lips?" "Groovy, huh?" "Why is thy speech suddenly so strange to mine ears?" "Don't ask me." "I'm not an ear doctor." "Have you ever heard of knocking before you enter a lady's house?" "Well, we have no secrets from each other, have we, sweetest?" "Hast thou thought about my proposal?" "What proposal?" "Oh." "Oh." "Y-you mean about getting married." "Oh, get up, Newton." "We had a lovely weekend." "Why spoil it?" "Spoil it?" "I just wanna make it last forever and a day." "I might consider a day... but you can forget about forever." "Oh, Serena." "I shall never leave thy side." "That could make things a bit awkward." "Art thou expecting somebody?" "No." "But you never know when the witch hunters might barge in." "Not that we couldn't barge out, but...oh, it's just such a nuisance." "Aye." "And my witchcraft isn't all it should be." "That's not the only thing." "Hm?" "Oh, that reminds me." "Uh, Captain Nichols stopped me on the street the other day and asked me a lot of questions about you." "No." "Yes." "Y-you mean, they suspect me?" "Uh, w-what did you tell him?" "Well, I just said" "Who is it?" "Captain Nichols." "It is he." "He knows I am here." "He's coming after me." "C-c-come." "W-we had best vanish." "I'm not going to vanish till I finish my hair." "But perhaps you had best." "Yes." "Yes, it-- It might be wise." "See?" "When I'm nervous, my powers keep failing me." "So I've noticed." "What am I to do?" "I know." "I know." "I'll change you into something inanimate." "What would you like to be?" "I-it makes little difference." "Just do it." "Rumble-ty tumble-ty Snickety snack" "This spell will give you Just what you lack" "Courage and calm Particularly the former" "Zippity-zappity You're now a bedwarmer" "Oh, no." "Not" "Oh." "Cute." "No, you don't." "Coming." "What took thee so long to answer?" "Wouldst have me come to the door half-dressed?" "Why not?" "Oh!" "She'll be back in a moment." "This is getting to be a drag, Auntie Endora." "One more unwelcome interruption, and I am going to freak out." "Never mind that." "Court's about to go into session." "Did you remember the spell?" "Yes." "But I've been thinking." "If you change Newton back, he's gonna start bugging me again." "W-well, I'm sorry about that, Serena, but it's the only way I can clear Darrin." "It is, huh?" "You sure?" "Positive." "Sammy... would it really be so terrible if Ding-dong spent one or two years in jail?" "What?" "!" "You give me that spell!" "Gee." "It was just a suggestion." "Hi there." "Well... you're early." "Courtroom's right down the hall." "Won't be in session for another half hour." "I know." "Um, I-I was wondering if you could do me a favor." "What's that?" "Sleep tight." "Will you behave yourself?" "Rumble-ty tumble-ty Snicker-y snack" "This is the spell That will change you back" "First a warlock Then a bedwarmer" "Zippity-zappity Now you're the former" "Oh, Serena, my dearest." "Ow." "Uh" "You look lovely as a blond." "Newton, I am not S-Serena." "What?" "No, I-I-I'm her cousin, Samantha." "Oh, she must have told you about me." "Oh, yes." "How do you do, Samantha?" "How do you do?" "Now, where is my darling Serena?" "That was a rotten trick she pulled on me, but I still dig that chick." ""Dig?" "Chick?"" "How did a 300-year-old bedwarmer get so hip?" "By keeping my ears open and my lid shut." "Now, take me to Serena." "Well, I-I think there's something you should know." "Yes?" "In exchange for giving me the spell, your darling Serena made me promise that you would never bother her again." "Ever." "Under any circumstances." "She said that?" "Yes." "You know, maybe I ought to forget about her." "Good idea." "And start thinking about you." "No, forget it, Newton." "I've been out of circulation so long." "Well, a little bit longer can't hurt." "Let's bring you up-to-date." "Oh, lovely." "Mm-hm." "Where are we going?" "To court." "Terrific." "Whom am I going to be courting?" "Brother." "Do you have a one-track mind." "True, true." "Robbed?" "Told you I had a plan." "Some plan, stealing the evidence." "Some gratitude." "How can you say that to this lovely lady who liberated me?" "I can say it because this lovely lady is my wife." "Oh?" "Oh." "Oh." "Miss" " Miss Ferndale, hello-- Sit down, Newton." "She only knows you as a bedwarmer." "True." "I've been hanging there for years admiring her." "Will the defendant please approach the bench?" "Now, the evidence seems to be missing." "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" "Me?" "Your Honor, I was locked up all night." "Uh, e-excuse me, Your" " Your Honor." "Uh, perhaps I can explain." "She's the defendant's wife, Your Honor." "Yes?" "Well, I-I don't know whether the officers mentioned this in their report or not, but, uh, that was a very unusual bedwarmer." "What is she talking about?" "I haven't the slightest idea, Your Honor." "Me either." "Heh." "Although come to think of it, a lot of things that bedwarmer did were pretty quirky." "Quirky?" "Yeah." "Weird." "It wouldn't let us lift it." "Yeah, only her." "Then she told it to do what she said, and it did." "It did, huh?" "Yes." "Hopped right over to us." "Hopped?" "Practically did a little jig." "Then when the sergeant had me put it in the closet... it tried to bite me." "Oh." "How long has it been since these men have had a vacation?" "Too long." "My apologies to you." "Case is dismissed." "Uh, w-wait." "Uh, Judge Ferguson, what about my bedwarmer?" "Well, I don't know, Miss Ferndale, but we certainly have no case against this man." "Do" " D-do you mean to say that" "I'm not going to get it back?" "That's just terrible." "I demand an investigation." "After all, I'm missing a bedwarmer." "Now, I want it back." "I understand." "What are you going to do about it?" "Well, you see, the-- The evidence went missing..." "I'm sorry, Miss Ferndale, but we have no evidence." "And without evidence, we cannot prosecute." "And as for the bedwarmer," "I cannot return that which seemingly never existed." "Now, I don't know what you mean by "no evidence."" "The evidence is the bedwarmer is missing." "Uh, forgive me." "What?" "Yes?" "Forgive me for intruding." "But perhaps the bedwarmer can be replaced." "Uh" "Who are you?" "Uh, this is Newton." "He's sort of an expert on bedwarmers." "Oh." "Well... the one we had was very unique." "Oh, thank you." "I mean, uh, is that true?" "Well, just keep your fingers crossed." "It may show up yet." "And if it doesn't," "I personally guarantee I will duplicate it." "Duplicate it?" "How?" "By witchcraft, of course." "What?" "Uh, Newton." "I don't think it's very nice to tease someone who lives in Salem just because they once believed in witches." "I'm sorry." "Dear lady... why don't we have lunch and discuss the whole matter?" "Well, I'd love to." "Sure has a way with the ladies, doesn't he?" "That's for sure." "Anyway...it looks as if Miss Ferndale has got herself another bedwarmer." "TRANSCRIPT:" "adrianp55"