"My father worked as a lawyer for the richest family in New York, until his plane went down in Long Island Sound." "He left me his biggest client, the Darlings." "Tripp and Letitia." "Which of our children isn't mine?" "Brian, the man of God." "Please help the arbitrator at the custody hearing to understand that I love my son and give her the good sense to accept my generous donation." "Amen." "Patrick, the principled politician." "Isn't this something?" "You can have one Saturday night a month, but the rest of the weekends are ours." "So why exactly would I do this?" "Because it's more than you'll ever have otherwise." "Karen, the professional divorcée." " Karen Darling." " Hi." "Do you eat anything yummy?" " Down, girl." " Shut up." "And Jeremy and Juliet, the well-behaved twins." "I want this girl to like me for me." "You're a Darling." "As soon as she finds that out, things are never gonna be the same." "Guess she can never find out, then." "What the hell was that?" "So how long is it gonna take you to wrap up this custody hearing?" "Brian, this is the fate of your child we're dealing with, and custody cases rarely turn out in favor of the father." "Thanks, never knew that." "Especially in situations where the child was forced by the father to lie about being an orphan from Sweden." "I did the best with what I was given, situation-wise." "Back off." "Oh, in the matter of Brian Darling versus..." "I'm sorry, Your Honor." "Where are Andrea Smithson and counsel?" "Oh, they've already been notified that I've ruled in her favor." "She now has full custody and she can leave the country at her discretion." " What the hell is going on?" " Your Honor, on what ground..." "On the ground that Brian Darling is under arrest for attempting to bribe a public official." " Oh, crap." " Nice to see you again." "That woman is a complete liar!" "Your Honor, a moment." "You bribed the arbitrator?" " You told me that we were gonna lose." " Oh, so it's my fault now?" "Bail is set at $5 million." "What are you gonna do about my son?" "Why can't we ever stay at your place?" "You wouldn't wanna." "My place is a total sty." "Who cares?" "It doesn't have to be perfect." "I can't do it, Sofia." "Trust me." "It's for your own good." " Okay, fine." " Wet." "But no more pudding for you until I go there." "Where are you on this pain chart?" "About a three." "But that's the morphine talking." "About an eight or a nine when the meds wear off." "But we're not about to let that happen." "So, you shot me in the leg." "I was aiming for higher." "Where do we go from here, Ellen?" "Well..." "I'm sorry I shot you." "We both know we can win this election, Patrick." "And I'm not gonna let you screw it up with your childish indiscretions." "I'm gonna win." "Not if you lose your wife in the middle of the campaign." "That a threat?" "Patrick, I am not made to share you with another woman, or man." "But I thought we had, like, a deal." "Well, I have had a change of heart." "End things with Carmelita or I will end any shot you have of a seat in the Senate." "Okay." "I'll do it." "Brian should be free on bail in a few hours, but this is far from over." " He committed a Class C felony." " What does that actually mean?" "Maximum 10 years in prison, minimum suspended sentence of one year." "What's your best guess?" "I really don't know." "One month in jail, maybe two." "We must know someone on good terms with this judge." "No." "The belief that we can get away with pulling strings behind the scenes is exactly what got Brian into this position in the first place." "Going that route is utter foolishness, not to mention unprincipled." "Not to mention illegal." "What about Patrick?" "He is the Attorney General of New York." "Doesn't that count for anything?" "Patrick's campaign is already so compromised that the slightest whiff of corruption could completely derail it." "Patrick has denied you, denounced you, and gotten into bed with Simon Elder, your greatest enemy, and yet he's still more important to you than Brian?" "Brian committed a felony." "Because he loves his son, like fathers are supposed to." "Because he is fueled by contempt." "Contempt permeates every cell of his being!" "What is the point of having power and money if we don't use them to help the children?" " What else are they for?" " Oh, good grief, Tish." "The point..." "The money compels us to act impeccably." "If we start to use our influence, our privilege to pervert justice, that conduct..." "That is the beginning of the end of us as a family." "As a family?" "I think we would all be best served by reacting honorably to this situation." "All of us, especially Brian." "And if this were Patrick or Karen, would you be saying the same thing?" "Exactly the same." "What Brian needs is our support while he spends a month or two in jail." "Nick, the children's hospital proposal?" "Four hundred million ought to do it." " Yes." "Thank you." " Thank you." "Is there something going on between you and Tripp?" "Don't worry about that." "Worry about keeping my son out of jail." "If your father were alive, he'd know how to handle this." "I'd like to be alone." " Welcome back, Mr. George." " Thank you, Howard." "And please, call me Dutch." "Hello, there." "Hello." " I thought you were up in Valhalla." " Oh, I snuck out." "I wanted to wish you happy birthday in person." "That's nice." " You don't like it." " No, it's beautiful." " I know it's extravagant." " Look, it's just..." "You know." "I've worn this watch for 30 years." "And it's a gift from my father, and I..." "I just can't imagine replacing it." "Now, I am really touched." "I really am." "And you are the only one who remembered my birthday this year." "It's lovely." "Thank you." "Nick didn't call you?" "No." "Nick hasn't talked to me in months." " I was hoping..." " It's okay." "It's my fault." "I wasn't there for him, not the way a parent's supposed to be." "And so he learned to live without me." "Now I have to learn to live without him." "Well, I'm sure that Nick would be open" " to repairing your relationship." " Uh-uh." "It's too late." "It's too late." "God, I know life is about making mistakes, but the mistakes you make with your kids, they never go away." "They just grow." "They keep growing and growing." "What's the matter?" "I've made mistakes, too." "What are you talking about?" "Nick is not your only child." "A little privacy, please?" "This is all a big misunderstanding." "Get a life, vulture!" "Please tell me that you did something to get my son back." " Something." " Hey, I just got you out of jail, Brian." " How about a thank you?" " Send yourself a gift basket." "What are we gonna do?" "You got me, Sunshine." "We're screwed." " Jeremy?" " Hey, Lisa." " Hey." " Is Nick here?" "Actually, he's bailing your brother out of jail." "What's going on?" " What are you looking for?" " Bingo." "Is it cool if I borrow your place tomorrow night?" " Jeremy." " What?" "I'm not driving." " You're a valet." " Oh, right." "Yeah." " So can I use your place?" " For what?" "Well, this girl I'm into doesn't know who I am." " She thinks I'm poor." " What gave her that idea?" " I told her I was poor." " Ah." "So I just need a place that looks like a poor guy would live there, you know." "Jeremy, we're not poor." "Those ants look pretty low-budge." "Those ants cost 12,000 bucks." "Proving my point." "Look, I'll pay you if you want, you know, if you could use the cash." "I have a better idea." "How about you tell her the truth, get to know each other as people?" "I like your style, Lise." "That ship has sailed." "What a pleasant surprise." "It's so interesting of you to come visit me, Karen." " How's Freddy?" " We got divorced the day we got married, Pat." "You were there." "Oh, right." "Right, right." "Kudos on that." " And you're still on morphine." " Yes, indeed." "I feel like I'm filled with lime green neon." "Well, Captain Neon, as a voting member of the board of Darling Enterprises," "I'm gonna need you to sign some tax stuff for the foundation." "It's quarter-end stuff." "Okay, let me help you with that." "Good enough." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Oh, hey, Simon." "What you doing here?" " Simon." " Hey, Patrick." "I just have a little business to discuss with your brother." "Okay, I was just leaving." "Hospitals kind of freak me out, anyway, you know?" "It's like, death!" "I'm coming for you, Karen!" "Here I come!" "It's like..." "Just the way they hit me sometimes." "Hey, Karen." "Karen." "I know you're very involved in philanthropy, and I wondered if you'd have any interest in merging some of our resources" "for a good cause." "Hello, Mama!" "I don't usually merge my resources with virtual strangers." "Then maybe you'd be up for discussing charitable giving over dinner some time." "I've got your charitable giving right here." "I'll consider it, but don't hold your breath." "My family loved that building you tore down." "She and Dad have always had some kind of connection." "Yeah, it's called family." "Um..." "Speaking of which, are you still planning on calling Dad and having him testify in this Fantini brothers real estate thing?" "Actually, that was what we were about to discuss." "Fine." "Okay." "Bye, Pat." "Sweet dreams." " Bye." " Take care, Karen." "When did you get back?" " A few hours ago." "I'm sorry I'm late to dinner, but this jet lag is crippling." " Just had to take a nap." " I tried to let you sleep, dear." "So, what did I miss?" "Brian could be going to jail." " Brian, no!" " That's an exaggeration." "Well, I'm sure whatever happens, Nick will take care of it, won't he?" "No." "Actually, it's all Nick's fault." "How can you blame Nick for your systemic malfeasance?" "I'm not blaming Nick for my malfeasance, but I lost my son because of his incompetence and disregard." "I find your notion that Nick is incompetent absurd." "Well, I know, but, Dad, that's because he has you snowed." "Just like Dutch did." "Could we get some butter for the rolls?" "Those rolls..." "Dutch, don't do this." "Dutch, don't go." "We're not done." "I cannot talk about this anymore!" "Please don't leave angry." "Don't leave angry." "I am gonna be angry about this for the rest of my life." "I tried to tell you so many times." "I wasn't sure you wanted to know." "When?" "When did you try to tell me?" "I couldn't get up the courage." "I was afraid you'd leave me." "Please." "It's fitting, actually." "All this time that I have been lying to Tripp and agonizing over it, you were lying to me, which is exactly what I deserve." "It makes perfect sense." "Why should I expect to be treated any better than your husband?" "Dutch, I love you and I know that you love me." "We'll survive this." "Nick was right about you people." "He was right all along." "I have to get away from you." "From all of you, before it's too late." "You ready?" "Here goes." "Wow." "This place is not good." "I know, right?" "But I..." "It's, like..." "It's the best I can do, you know?" "I'm cool with it because I have no choice." "I'm poor." "So, uh, what do you say, now that we've seen Hooverville, why don't we head back to your place, get some pudding?" "Can we talk first?" "What about?" "I wanted to talk with you about Brazil." " Brazil." " Brazil." "Speaking as a parent, I think you're making a mistake." "I'm not." "I'm finally doing something right." "I just thought that you wanted Brian Jr." "To reap the benefits of being born into the Darling family." "That was before I realized what that family is capable of." "And before I went to Brazil." "Andrea, I don't think you want to deprive your son of the father he's just getting to know." "He made him into a Swedish orphan." "Look, I know this isn't gonna be easy for Brian Jr., but it's also what's best." "See, between the people like you that the Darlings pay to get things done and the simple fact that both Brian and his money are so attractive, we have to get away, for my own safety and my son's." "I know it's not all ritzy, but I'm just a valet, doll face." "So, you have no goals, no dreams, no hopes." "Nothing." "Well, I do wanna go to space at some point." "Like, for real." "Like, space is..." "It's kind of my thing." " This is not going to work out." " Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hold on." "What?" "Is this because I'm poor?" "Because you know what?" "That is, like, financial racism." "No." "It's not because you're poor." "It's because you don't care that you're poor." "I need to be with someone who wants to go somewhere." "I do." "I wanna go to space!" "I am sorry." "All right, Sofia." "Wait." " Just let me explain." " I know." "And something is, like, biting me or something!" "All right." "Little bastard." "Okay, look." "I should have told you this a long time ago." "Told me what?" "The truth about who I am." " Hello, Nick." " Letitia." "I assume you heard the charges against Brian have been dropped." "Yes." "Such good news." "And given Tripp's feelings about the matter," "I assume you had something to do with it." "I did what I had to, Nick." "You'd do the same for Kiki." "And what exactly did you do?" "You don't need to concern yourself with that." "The point is it's taken care of." "Letitia, I cannot be in the position of representing the family..." "You're not in any position, Nick." "You follow your conscience, you speak your piece and we'll all do what occurs to us to do." "It's a good system." "And you're right most of the time, just not about this." "And, if you could keep this between us," "I'd greatly appreciate it." "You want me to keep this from Tripp?" "He has so much faith in your legal abilities, he'll just assume it's another one of your victories." "You want me to lie to Tripp?" "Well, Tripp sometimes feels that helping the children is indulgent." "Letitia, I can name at least five occasions where Tripp has gone out of his way, behind the scenes, to make things happen for Patrick, Karen, Juliet..." "He picks and chooses his favorites." "That's no secret." "What are you trying to hide, Letitia?" "What won't you tell me?" "It's..." "It's difficult to explain." "Give it a shot." "Uh..." "Information has recently come to light, information that" "Tripp has had trouble coming to terms with." "Not that I blame him at all." "You know, Letitia, the last time I saw my dad, before he died," "he said some things I didn't understand." "And now you're starting to." "Now, we all are." "Everything is happening." "Go ahead." "After I told him about my affair," "Tripp blackmailed my ob-gyn." "He was..." "He was sure that the twins weren't his." "But he was wrong." "Yes." "And Brian is my brother." "Brian is your brother." "It could have been Karen." "Oh, thanks a lot, Lisa, you're a big help." "Well, look at it like this." "It's a fresh start for you and Brian." "I'm not especially sure I want a fresh start for me and Brian." "You know, when I was in the fifth grade," "I'd saved up my allowance to buy this book," "Where the Red Fern Grows." "I'm sitting in the lobby of Darling Plaza waiting for my dad, reading the book, and Brian walks by and he says," ""Oh, I read that book last year." "The dogs die. "" "And I don't know what came over me, but I just tore the book in half, threw it in the trash can and never finished reading it." "And knowing Brian is my brother makes me want to do that with my whole life." " Your whole life?" " It's a feeling, Lisa." "Obviously I'm not talking about you and Kiki." "So, why do you keep working for them?" "Come on, Lisa, you know why." "No, I don't." "Whatever you find out there is not going to bring your dad back in..." "This isn't about my dad." "I finally have a chance to make a real impact on the world." "I am going to build a $400 million pediatric cancer research center." "And I can't do that without the Darlings' money." "There is just no possible way." "No possible way." "I'm just..." "I'm stuck, you know?" "Yeah." "It's about the money." "Yeah." "It's about the money." "Excuse me." " No kiss?" " No." "Someone might see." "Come on." "What's one last kiss?" "Last kiss?" "Well, yeah, you know, last kiss today." "Last kiss this minute." "Last kiss with our clothes on." "You're messed up." "And I'm trying to be careful." "She's not gonna shoot you, too." "The firearms chapter of my marriage is over." "I hope." "She must really love you, you know, to shoot you like that." "Guess that's a word for it." "Are you all right?" "Yeah, of course." "Paddy, if you need to simplify your life, and just be with Ellen, I understand." "I just want you to be happy." "No." "Come." "Ellen can shoot me all she wants, but it's being away from you that's really killing me." "Nothing's ever gonna change that." "Last kiss?" " Okay." " I need serious help." "Jeremy, I told you, you cannot use our place for your poor house." "I don't want to." "I bought a little studio in the Bronx, hired a Broadway designer to make it look all ratty and I showed it to Sofia." " So problem solved." " Not quite." "She wanted to dump me because I had no goals." " So I told her..." " The truth?" "Good for you." "No." "I told her I was an artist." " Good one." " Yeah." "I panicked." "Because she was grilling me and, you know," "I started thinking about you and your ants, and how you work in a gallery, and so I figured you could just hook me up." "You need to stop lying to this woman." " No, I can't!" " Why?" "Because I want her to love me for me!" " Jeremy, you are not a struggling artist." " Sure, I am." "I am an artist of life." "Can you just hook me up with, like, five paintings, please?" "So you didn't seem surprised." "'Cause I knew you'd call." "I didn't." "I usually keep people guessing." "Ask any of my four ex-husbands." " Ah." " Mmm." " So are you on good terms with them?" " Mmm-hmm." "All but one." "Freddy, you know, the last one," "I think he's still a little stung by the one-day turnaround, but he'll get over it." "You were married once, right?" "I was and we're still quite close." "She's a special woman, a princess." "Oh, yeah, I get it." "She's special." "No, seriously." "She's a princess, from Ghana." "Of course." "I still think of her as my primary partner in life, even though we've legally split." "But we have a child together and there's a deep connection." "I don't know." "I guess it's hard for me to let go." "I like that." "I didn't come here looking for a primary partner." "Yeah, I got that." "So I thought we could..." "I thought we could start things off by talking about charitable giving." " Really?" " Yeah, 'cause I..." "I just love giving." "It's an art form." "So, like, what's with the numbers?" "Isn't it amazing?" "She painted it when she got married last month." "It represents indivisibility." "Math is not really my thing." "Okay." "How about this one?" "It's a..." "It's a blue dot." " Not me." " You sure?" "Yeah, I'm pretty sure about it." "You might have a blue dot somewhere deep inside." "Art shows us images of our internal structures." "It helps us see parts of ourselves." "Nick's lucky to have you." "Thank you." " I like naked people." " Excuse me?" "Like these over here." "You know, I think I could fake it as someone who paints naked people." "You know, I could talk the talk." "Okay, let's start by calling them nudes." "All right." "Wet." "Nudes!" "Jeremy Babeson loves his nudes." "Let's nude it up." "I know this is a lot to deal with." "Were you ever gonna tell me?" "You know, if Nick hadn't forced you to?" "Dutch and I were planning to tell you and then..." "And then he died and I thought, why burden you with..." "You let me spend my whole life hating him." "Would it have changed anything if you'd known?" "Yeah." "Is this why you always kept me at a distance?" "Is this why you always pushed me away?" " I've done no such thing!" " Sure you have." "Is this why?" "Because I could've blown your cover?" "I've never pushed you away." "You pushed me right out of this house and into the seminary." "I never fit, I never belonged." "Whatever I did, I did to protect you, not me!" "You did it to save yourself!" "Just admit it." "At least now I know why I feel like such an alien." "Oh, Brian." "How long has Tripp known?" " You can still call him Dad." " How long has he known?" " A few weeks." " How'd he take it?" "He was angry at me." "But not at you." " He loves you just the same." " Right." " That's the truth." " I've had quite a day." "I've lost two fathers and a son." "Please get the hell away from me." "Not a word." "Why didn't you tell me?" " Why didn't you ask?" " Are you kidding?" " No, I'm not kidding." "You must have wondered when you found out about the affair." "I, for sure, did." "Yeah." "It crossed my mind Karen might be my sister." "Thought it best to leave that alone." " Why didn't you tell me?" " I was honor bound not to tell." " Honor bound?" "Honor bound to whom?" " To Letitia." "I submitted to her beliefs that the unraveling of nearly 40 years of ties would be the undoing of the family." "But I'm not talking about the family!" "I'm just talking about me!" " Well, you're a part of the family." " Oh, no, I'm not!" "Well, you're a part of the family to me." "Listen, you want to be angry, you be angry at Letitia, be angry at Dutch." "They're the ones who spawned this disaster." "They're the ones who left us to pick up the pieces." "I'm just saying I wish you would have told me." "I think it would have been the right thing to do." "Well, you didn't tell me." "You knew about the affair way before I did and you didn't tell me." " Come on." " No." "No one says everything." "Yeah." "Well, you're right." "No one says everything." "You're right." "But I lost my mother," "I lost my father," "I lost my whole childhood to your family." "You owe me!" " I owe you?" " Yes!" "You owe me the truth." "That's all." "You owe me the truth." "Did you sleep at all?" "I'm gonna run to the gym." "Give Kiki a hug and a kiss for me, all right?" " Wait." "Are you okay?" " Yeah." "Yeah, I'm fine." "Look who's up." " Hi." "Hey." "Listen, I'm going to Mombasa next weekend, opening up a clinic and a school." "And I would love for you to come with me." "And after all, this was supposed to be about charitable giving, right?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I never go to Mozambique on a second date." " Kenya." " Oh, yeah." "I can." "I just don't know that I will." "Oh, look at that." "My goodness." "Is that you playing hard to get?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "I'm not sure." "Hey." "I don't want you to do to my dad what you did to Darling Plaza, or me for that matter." "I won't." "I promise." "I just want what's best for everybody." " Okay?" " Okay." "My dad can never find out about this, okay?" "Telling Tripp Darling what I'm about to do to his daughter, believe me, is the last thing on my mind." "What's the first thing?" " These are amazing." " Why, thank you." "With that one, I really wanted to transcend the mundane, you know, make the body really speak." "I feel so bad that I doubted you." "Why you never showed me this?" "Well, you see, that's the life of a solitary artist." "It's just me and my paints and my other paints." "See, I wanted you to like me for me, not for my mad ski-zills, you know?" "Do you think I could..." "Oh, yeah." "You know, sure." "Take whichever one you want." "I mean, like, they are my children to me, but, like, the ones that I give away." "I was going to say" "I want you to paint one of me." "You know..." "Naked?" "I was thinking nude." "But let's start tomorrow." "You know what?" "Today, I really want to get to know my subject." "Do a little case study." " What are you doing here?" " I came to wish you a happy birthday." "Oh, sorry." " Me." " You've been drinking." "Just a little." "Think that's a good idea?" "It has not been a very good birthday." "God, I would do everything to go back to the beginning and start again." "I would do everything differently." "Only I'd..." "I'd fall in love with your mom again." "And I would be your father forever." "Those things would not change." "Well, I better head up, Lisa made dinner." "So, happy birthday, Dad." "Get yourself a cup of coffee." "Listen, I need to talk to you about the Darlings." "Why am I not surprised?" " There's something you should know." " I don't care!" "I don't care about the Darlings!" "I don't wanna know their secrets." "I don't want them in my life." "They're not my family." "Except for Kiki and Lisa, no one is." "That's not true because I am and they are." "And no matter how hard you try to distance yourself from them, they always will be." "And it's my fault." "And I am sorry about that." " I am very sorry, it is my fault." " Dad." "You know what, Dad?" "Let's..." "I want you to have Grandpa's watch." "Here, take it." " I don't want it." " For all of the..." "The birthdays that I forgot." " I don't want the watch." " Just take it." " I got a new one." " Dad..." "As a gift to me, all right?" "On my birthday." " Just take the damn watch!" " Okay, fine." "Thank you." "I'm sorry." "I mean it." "I am so, so sorry for everything." "I got it wrong." "Wait..." "That was the last time you saw him?" "Yeah." "And I know he was trying to tell me about Brian." " You can't be sure." " I think I can." "That was the first time he took a drink in I don't know how long." "He probably just found out from Letitia that Brian was his kid and he wanted to tell me, wanted to talk to me about it." "And I didn't want to listen." "I just shut him down." "Nick, you can't beat yourself up." "He was a terrible father, he was never around." "You practically raised yourself." "He forced your mom..." "And that's all true, Lisa, but it was the last time I saw him and he needed me," "and I turned my back on him." " You didn't know." " No." "No, I didn't." "But I do now." "What are you gonna say to him?" "I have no idea." "Look, I know I said I wouldn't bug you again, but it's an emergency and you weren't picking up." "What happened?" " Good morning, Jeremy." "Sofia wants me to paint her." " Since when do you paint?" " I don't!" "Keep up, Nick." "I told you yesterday this was a bad idea." "Why didn't you listen, Jeremy?" "Would somebody please tell me what's going on?" "Shh!" "Lisa, I don't need the lecture, okay?" "You know, what I need is the artist's phone number so that I can take a picture of Sofia and he can paint her naked and then I can say that I did it." "Okay." "But I'm gonna need a little time, all right?" "You're the wettest." "Call you later." "You have got a great sense of humor." "Of course." " What's this?" " It belonged to my father." "Our father." "I don't know, I thought you might want it." "I don't." "Okay." "Nothing's changing, you know, between you and me." "I see." "And even if we're related, we're not family and we never will be." "Now, wait." "What?" "What, Brian?" "How many more awful things do you want to say to me?" "I'm in the same boat you are." "We both got a raw deal." "We're brothers and our father's dead so don't let that change anything." "Just wrap yourself up in the comfort of your meanness and your self-pity and just say it." "Say you hate me." "Get it over with." "Fine." "I hate you." "Just sit down, please?" "Come on." "This is what church is for, dragging the ruined past through the messy present into the perfect future, and ruining it, together." "Come on." "Just sit down, please." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Okay, so I want you to eat healthy, do your homework and don't forget to e-mail." "I won't." "And I'll come and visit you as soon as I can." "Okay." "Our flight leaves in an hour." "Could I just have a minute?" "I brought you something." "An old watch?" "It's from..." "From your grandfather, who got it from his father, who got it from his." "It's been passed down for over 100 years, and now it's yours." "I want you to keep it on New York City time." "That way, we're always in sync." "We have to go." "You don't have to say it, Daddy." "I know." "Come on and we'll try" "One last time" "I'm off of the floor one more time to find you" "Come on, sweetie." "Come on and we'll sing" "Jump in." "Like we were free" "Push the pedal down" "Watch the world around fly by us" "Come on and we'll try" "One last time" "I'm off of the floor" "One more time to find you" "And here we go" "There's nothing left to choose" "And here we go" "There's nothing left to lose"