"Wait, you got this all wrong." " I never touched her." " We got there just in time." "You entertainers are all alike." "You think you can own every dame." "Show me a law that says I can't buy a doll a friendly drink!" "No law." "Just don't buy a drink in your hotel room." "For a doll that's underage." "Let's get going." "How'd I know she was jailbait?" "She looked like she was 35." "Should I ask for her driver's license?" "If you had, you'd have known she's the mayor's daughter." " Can't we talk this over?" " You're leaving town now." " I can't." "I'm broke." " Here's your ticket, one way!" "All aboard!" "Thank you." " Taxi!" " Taxicab!" " Taxi!" " Cab, lady?" " Taxicab!" " Taxi!" "Taxi, sir?" "No, I've got my chauffeur meeting me." "Okay." "Taxi?" "Aid, young man?" "Can I give you aid?" " What did you have in mind?" " I beg your pardon!" " Let your hips swing..." " You need a singer?" "Singer?" "I don't care if you sing like a nightingale." "I'm running a girls' show." "Legs not tonsils." "I see what you mean." "Thanks a lot." "Everybody happy on the inside!" "Everybody happy!" "We got the greatest show in town." "The greatest show!" "Come on in and hear Ned Galvin and his Galvinizers!" "The hottest band in town!" "We got the finest food in town." "Hurry, hurry!" "Everybody happy on the inside." "Go on right in, bud." "How are your fortune cookies?" " Hi, maestro." " Oh, no." "Remember your pal Joey?" "How could I forget?" "You owe me 30 bucks." "Why do you think I'm here?" "To pay you." " Oh, man, am I glad to see you." " Take it out of my salary." "Tell the management I'm available." " You always are." " You have to stay loose." "That's the trouble, you see." "But we have an emcee." "Listen, can we go someplace after the show, have a cup of coffee and yak up old times?" "That would be good, but I got a date." "If she's a good-Iooking chick, bring her along." " She's good-Iooking, all right." " You don't understand." " Joey's turned over a new leaf." " New Joey?" "Sure, I bet." "How good-Iooking is she?" "Back again, huh?" "Oh, no." "Hey, who's the mouse with the built?" "You gotta lay off of her, Joey." "She's a nice kid." "She has ambition too, to be a singer." "I'm helping her with some arrangements." "Looks like she's well-arranged as it is." "Has that crummy emcee shown up?" " Not yet, Mike." "He must be stuck." " Yeah, in a crap game." "That's twice this week this bum has been late." "Should we go right into the finale?" "Yeah, go right into the finale." "Come on, ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it!" "You can do better than that." "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen." "Good evening." "I'm very happy to be working here in my home town of..." "San Francisco." "I've never seen him." "I was born in this town on top of Telegraph Hill." "My mother was sending a wire at the time." "That's in Morse code." "It's a Secret Service joke." " Do you know this bum?" " Yeah." " What's his name?" " His name's Joey Evans." "The Joey Evans who caused all the trouble at the Hi-Ho Club a few years back?" "You mean the Joey Evans who...?" "I've a request to do a song to all saloonkeepers who blew their liquor license." ""I Didn't Know What Time It Was."" "Oh, boy." "C-7, please." "He's got them in a trance." "It's better they stay awake." "In a trance, they won't drink." "If they won't drink, I go out of business." "He's cute!" "You think anyone with pants on is cute." "I like lots of people without pants." "What I mean is..." "Let it lay, honey." "Thank you very much." "Okay, hit the finale." " Say, when do I start?" " You already started." "What about my billing?" "You know, my picture out front." " Are you kidding?" " Who's kidding?" "I've got a big following." "They'll break the door down." "One bad night and you'll be out." "I've heard a lot about you, lover-boy." "I don't want you around the customers' dames." "One false move and you're out on your Francis." "Yeah, you." "That's what I like, Mike, security in a job." "Say nobody's brought it up yet, but I get 200 a week." " What?" " I'll take less." "I'll take less." "I made it a point never to argue with the owner." "She was one of those new kids, a little nervous." "I coached her a bit, excuse the expression." "She was singing that draggy jazz." "When the fleet landed she asked what would please the sailors." "So I told her." "Things were never the same between us again." "Linda English, Joey Evans." "She was quite a doll, that redheaded girl of yours in San Diego." "It was your redheaded girl." "If you want to get technical, she was the manager's girl." "And she was a brunette." "It's good to see American food." "I've been working six months in Honolulu." " You don't look very tan." " Well, it was the rainy season." "If you want to know what they wear under those grass skirts..." " Hey, easy." " I'm sorry." " Excuse me, Miss...?" " English." " For you, Ned." " Okay, baby." "Excuse me." "I heard about you, buster." "Big reputation." "Yeah, but I'm too much of a lady to say what for." "My sister worked with you in Fresno." "She told me all about you." "Which one was she?" "The one you didn't get to first base with." "Oh, she was the ugly one." "Must be twins." "Good news!" "We're coming up in the world." "The agent called and wants us to play a society party on Nob Hill." "Shorty, you call the union and get four extra guys." "The main band's bus broke down somewhere." " Want to go along?" " We'd love to." "No!" "Well, maybe this will give you a chance to pick up a couple bucks." " I'll never forget you for this." " Yes, you will." "Ask the drummer for a jacket." "Nice to have met you, Miss...?" "English." "Gotta remember that." "I recognize the face, but not the body." "That's Mrs. Prentiss Simpson." "She owns the place." "She didn't pick up that action at Arthur Murray's." "You're right." "She used to be Vera Vanessa." "She was in show business." "Then she married a wealthy guy and retired." "Oh, yeah, now I remember." ""Vanessa the Undresser."" "I didn't recognize her with her clothes on." "Not a bad-Iooking mouse." "It's too bad you can't afford her brand of cheese." "Sold to the highest bidder, our charming hostess, Mrs. Simpson." "Ladies and gentlemen, I believe this ends our little auction." "You'll be happy to learn that the Children's Hospital will be richer by $17,605." "It's a wee bit short of our goal of 20,000 but unfortunately, we seem to have run out of articles to auction." "Just a minute, Mrs. Simpson." "I believe I have something to auction." "How much would you bid to hear Mrs. Simpson do one of her numbers?" "This is her favourite charity." "She couldn't possibly say no." "How much to see her do the number that made her name a byword from coast to coast?" "You don't remember Vera Vanessa?" ""Vera with the Vanishing Veils."" "You needn't start the bidding." "I will open the bidding." "I will get things going by bidding $1000." "A thousand bucks to see our lovely hostess do the number as she did it on the stage." "Not exactly, because she promised the police commissioner she'd never do it that way again." "Do I hear two thousand?" "Two thousand?" " Two thousand." " Three thousand." "That's hardly enough." "That's hardly half enough." "We've got to do a lot better than that." "I'll bid $4000." "Do I hear $5000?" "Five thousand, ladies and gentlemen?" "Doesn't anybody...?" "Five thousand dollars!" "Five thousand?" "Please..." "Five thousand dollars!" "I'll bid five thousand." "Five thousand dollars, the man bids." "Sold for five thousand dollars." "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mrs. Prentiss Simpson." "You louse." "Thank you very much." "And now if you'll step onto the terrace, supper is being served." "Nothing like a midnight snack." "Just a minute, my presumptuous friend." " The help is eating in the kitchen." " T.R.U." "If you want a comeback, I've got material." "You can reach me at the Barbary Coast Club." "Before I go, there's one thing I'd like to know." "What would you have done if you'd had to pay the 4000?" "Simple." "I'd have killed myself." "Good night, Miss...?" "Oh, forget it." " Good night, Linda." " Good night." "See you at rehearsal." "Of all the dirty, rotten, low-down tricks." "What?" "You know what I'm talking about, Linda." "You know I'm stuck on her." " I didn't even look at her." " That's just it." "She's beautiful and you act like she doesn't exist." "Are you trying to make a move?" " Who me?" " No, him!" "I told you I turned over a new leaf." "She's not my type." "They're all your type, Joey." "Where are you going?" "With you." "I've gotta have a place to stay." "Not with me." "I'd as soon bunk with a cobra." "Now just a minute." "Here's 20 bucks." "This is your share of tonight's take." "You know what?" "Get your own room." "Ned, I'm hurt, really." "If that's the way you want it." "Sure, I know I'm gonna hate myself in the morning." "You may not have to wait that long." " What do you want?" " To rent the room." " At this hour?" "Come back later." " I need it now." "I'm tired." "Sure you're not one of those sex fiends?" "Me?" "No, but I'm not against it." " Where's your baggage?" " At the airport." "It's coming tomorrow." "When the boy comes, will you tip him?" "Here's $10." "All right." "I like quiet." "You wouldn't have a room next to someone who works nights?" "Why, I've got just the thing." "Second floor, front." "Next to a young lady, an actress, but very refined." "You share a bath." " We do?" " She's nice and clean." "Now, is this what you want?" "It's the closest thing to it." "I don't allow pets, cooking in the room or guests of the opposite sex, unless related." "Well, I have several nieces." "That'll be $40 a month, in advance." "You wouldn't have change of $100?" "Think I want to get murdered?" "No, of course." "Well, here's 10, ma'am, on account." "I'll get you some towels." "Thank you." "I'll hurry her up." " Who is it?" " Mrs. Casey." "Meet your new neighbour." "Oh, no!" "You know each other?" " What a coincidence!" " Isn't it, though?" "If you were my girl, you wouldn't need one of those." "I'm filling it for Mrs. Casey!" "You shouldn't wear pajamas." "You're definitely the nightgown type." "The shorties." "I'll pay you next week." "You alter that one too, and I'll send around my friends." "Never mind sending friends, just send your money." "Hi there, fella." "Bet you wish you were out here, don't you?" " If it isn't Ned's girl." " I'm not his girl." "He told me you were." "I don't want to complain, but you used all the hot water this morning." "I thought you could use a cold shower." "He's cute." "Reminds me of my dog when I was a kid." "His name was Snuffy." "I was crazy about him, and one day he got run over by a milk truck." "I haven't been able to drink milk since." "I wish I could afford him." "It gets lonely travelling by yourself." "Don't you have rehearsals with your boyfriend?" "If you mean Ned, I told you..." "Oh, yes, you're just good friends." "So long, Snuffy." "Oh, by the way, both of us use a green toothbrush." "One of us is gonna have to change." " Barbary Coast Club." "Come right in and see our "sex-sational" girls and featuring Joey Evans." " Come on." " Joey!" " Come on." " Joey, stop!" "Gotta go." "When do I get a door on this closet?" "You don't." "I couldn't trust you behind a door." "Say, where's that big following you're supposed to have?" "It takes time." "Let the word percolate." "It'd better percolate quick." " Evening, Mr. Miggins." "Hi, Joey." " Hi, doll." "Stop over tonight?" "I want to show you my hi-fi." "This kid's got a fine woofer and tweeter." "Like I was saying, Mike, you gotta let the people know I'm here." "Your name's out front." "What?" "Can't your public read?" "Sure they can, but blow up my picture." "You're blown up enough." "Here's your shirts, Joey." "Just the way you like them, no starch." "What an arrangement." "You bum." "In two weeks you've moved in on every doll but Gladys and Linda." "Showtime!" " Gladys doesn't appeal to me." " And you don't appeal to Linda." "Oh, no?" "I've got plans for this doll." "Ring-a-ding plans!" "This mouse takes a special kind of baiting." "You're wasting your time." "She won't go for it." "They all do." "Whoever heard of singing a song like this without a girl?" "Come on." " Fun, huh?" " It was wonderful." "How's it feel working with a star?" "Don't let it go to your head." "Just baiting the trap." "Why, you..." "Hey, Linda." "I'm taking a bath." "I'll be out in 10 minutes." "Want me to scrub your back?" "No." "And you needn't bother peeking through the keyhole." "There's a Band-Aid over it." "How about a nice Sunday dinner?" "I'll take you out to the Cliff House." "We'll have steak, French fries and wine." "You know, the whole mishmash." "Thanks." "I can't afford it." "What do you mean, you?" "I'm popping." "Why, that's very generous of you, Joey." "I'd love to." " Funny how we use the same toothpaste." " Yes, mine." "It's things like that that bring people together." "Look, there's your friend." "Why, he's glad to see you." "Look how he likes you." "It's just amazing." "I come by every day and talk to him." "I pretend like he's mine." " You'd really like to own him?" " I'd give my right arm." " How much is this terrier?" " Twenty-five dollars." " Twenty...!" " We'll take him!" " What are you doing?" " No excuses." "I've made up my mind." "I couldn't let you throw away that money on me." "I want you to buy what you really want." "A dog to replace Snuffy." "No, I don't want the..." "What I mean is..." "Mrs. Casey would never let me have a dog." "She will." "I told her how much it meant to you." "She was touched." " She won't be when he ruins her rug." " Oh, he'll be housebroken in no time." " Here you are." " Thank you." "Here." "A dog to replace Snuffy." "All yours." "You'll never be lonely again." "That'll be $25, mister." "Would you like to take some worm medicine?" "Not if I can help it." "We can't go to dinner like this." "Don't worry about me." "You just run along home with Snuffy." "Look at that." "He's crazy over him." "Yeah, he loves me." "Well, don't let it go to your head." "Bye, Joey." "Bye, Snuffy." "Twenty-five bucks for a mutt like you." "You're not what I expected to wind up with tonight." "Terrier." "Terrier, my ankle!" "I bet you don't even know who your old man is." "But don't worry about it, I don't know who mine is either." "We're members of the same club." "Let's see what you know." "Sit up." "Roll over." "What a no-talent pooch." "Okay, get some sleep." "Tomorrow we start working, teach you some tricks." "No, my little fellow." "Off." "O-R-F." "Orf!" "Here." "Come on." "And remember, the powder room is in the park." "Okay, fatten up." "Snuffy, don't take it!" "You mustn't do that." " Why not?" "The pooch is hungry." " What?" "Chicken bones?" "What's wrong with that?" "You used to feed them to Snuffy?" "There never really was a Snuffy, was there?" "There is now." "I guess I played a dirty trick on you." "Nah, it doesn't matter." "He's beginning to grow on me now." "And so are you too." "What's with the milk bit?" "I says, " Doc, how long do I have to sneak in the back and drink this?" "It doesn't look good to the customers."" "Mike, Mrs. Simpson, the big society dame, just come in." " Mrs. Simpson, in my place?" " Table nine." "Take him for a walk." "I told you I'd bring her in." "Wait a minute." "Let me handle this." "I'm big with her kind." "You're pretty big above your ears." "Some guys have a system with horses, I got one with dames." " Hit me." " It's a snap." "You treat a dame like a lady and treat a lady like a dame." "And underneath those furs, that is pure dame." "This place was definitely not recommended by Duncan Hines." "Wouldn't we rather be bobbing for apples?" "Why bring us here?" "I've got a score to settle with one of the inmates." "Watch Joey's class." "You stock up on the caviar and champagne." "This dump'll cater to nothing but the carriage trade." "Good evening." "We're honoured and so pleased to see you came all the way from Nob Hill." "Well, the boy auctioneer." "Won't you join us?" "I'd be delighted." "I'm Joey Evans." " My name's Stanley." " Mine's Livingston." "That's funny." "They have a sense of humour." " I like that." "Reminds me of Dad's." " Dad's?" "My father always used to tease me about something." " Particularly about my flying." " Your flying?" "In my sports plane." "Oh, it was my love, my life." "You get something out of flying that's unlike anything else." "Really?" "It used to upset him because I started when I was quite young." "I'm sure you started at it very young." "It was when I studied aeronautics and conversational French at Princeton." "That is, before I resigned to go into the theatre." "Pierre?" "When is he going to study conversational English?" "Would you bring a bottle of the best champagne, please?" "Oh, yes, yes, sir!" "Hungry?" "They have a piece of resistance here that's great." "Oh, no, thank you." "We ate before we came." "I can't say I blame you." "I must apologize for the crumb..." "The décor." "The owner is an old buddy of mine." "We were in the same platoon." "And, well, he wired me for help when I was in New York." "I quit my job at the Waldorf and here I am." "I've always admired men who are loyal to their friends." "Just between you and me, I've been thinking about opening my own place." "Something very intimate and quiet classy." "Maybe a quartet of violins." "I'd be there every night." "You would?" "That's wonderful." "What are we going to call it?" "Well, I thought we'd call it something romantic and maybe foreign even." "How about Chez Joey?" "Chez Joey?" "That's very good." "That's perfect." "It's even French." "Here we are." "Sure it's old enough to be out alone?" "Yes, sir. 1950, a very good year." "Maybe for the grape, but it was a lousy year for emcees." " To Chez Joey." " Chez Joey." "That's what I like." "Champagne that fights back." "Showtime!" "Oh, that's me." "Excuse me." "I do a song in this show, a love song, especially for some of my friends." "What is this?" "We were just slumming, Beauty." "And we have a lot of spots to make." "What's next, boys?" "That place where the lady dances with snakes?" "So that's your system, huh?" "I tried it on the wrong mare." "Your system just ran out of the money and so have you." "You're through!" "Don't you know a phony act when you see it?" "She had to do that with those two guys." "She'll be back." "Get out of here before I wreck my furniture." "Wait!" "You'll be sorry." "Come here." "I want to make you a deal." "If she's not back by Saturday, I'll leave without pay." "You bet you will." "But, if she comes back, I stay with a raise." "Okay, you got a deal." "There's a gentleman to see you." "When I asked his business he seemed to talk a vernacular I simply couldn't follow." " It sounds like Superboy." " Excuse me?" "Same vernacular." "I'll see him." "You bet you will." "Get rid of the pallbearer." "All right, what is it?" " I dropped in to say goodbye." " Oh, are you going somewhere?" "Yep, away." "It worked, baby." "I'm through, the end of this week." "I didn't mean that to happen." "Don't worry your head about it." "I'm sick of this lousy town anyway." "I really came here to straighten you out so you wouldn't get wrong ideas why I made a play." "I wouldn't want you to get the impression that you appeal to me." "The only thing about you that appeals to me is your M-U-N-Y." "Money." " Do I make myself clear?" " Crystal clear." "By the way if you knew what you're throwing away, you'd cut your throat." "Mr. Evans?" "Have you had lunch?" "Thank you, but I have a luncheon date with a dog." "Okay, it's lunchtime." "Come on." "There you go." "Come on, boy." "It's not chopped liver, but you eat what I eat for the time being." "Here, try this bagel." "The fingers are mine." "Easy!" "You ought to try that with cream cheese and lox." "Stick with me, you'll have nothing but bad habits." "Okay, it's time for your lessons." "Let's see what you've learned." "We'll begin with the praying bit." "That always gets them." "And while you're at it, pray that Mrs. Simpson remembers to show up." "Lover-boy." "You're gonna love it on the road." "Joey, it's Linda." "May I come in?" "Sure, come in and make yourself at home." "Gladys says you're leaving." "Yeah, that's right." "I got a wire from Hollywood." "Well, why didn't you tell me?" "Why should I?" "You don't care what happens to me." "Of course I do." "All the girls do." "I don't care about all the girls, baby." "I just care about you." "Do you mean that, Joey, or is it just an act?" "Of course I mean it." "We'll miss her, won't we, Snuffy?" "I'll miss you too." "I'm very fond of Snuffy." "Why don't the three of us have supper tonight?" "Show business is funny." "We may never see each other again." "Tonight could be our last night." "All right, Joey." "I'll change my things." "I'll take you to the Cliff House for shrimp steak, French fries and wine." "You know, the whole mishmash." "Mind the store." "I'll finish your laundry, Joey." "You can pick it up later." "Gee, I sure am gonna miss you." "I'm gonna miss you too, doll." "Your flatwork is a gasser." "I hear you got the old bounceroo, big shot." "If you mean you heard I was leaving, you got it." "I'm on my way to New York." "El Morocco." "The only way you could get to Morocco is to join the Foreign Legion." "Funny, funny!" " There's some scraps for your dog." " Thank you, chef." "Dog, my foot." "He eats them himself." "Why not?" "It's good stuff." "Would you care to join us?" "Sloppy." "Take it easy." "Don't get excited." " Mrs. Simpson!" " Good evening." "Won't you come in?" " Am I too late?" " You?" "Never." "I'm in the mood for entertainment." " Pete, get the boys." " Yes, sir!" "Right away." "Champagne for the band and make mine a double brandy." " Double brandy for Mrs. Simpson!" " Okay, Mike." " I believe you have a singer." " Yeah, Joey." "Joey, sing a song for the lady." "What would the lady like?" " Tell him to surprise me." " Joey, surprise the lady." "I'll surprise the lady." "Double brandy." "Twenty-six." "Come now, Beauty." "Not only a raise, I'll give him a bicycle." "Champagne for everybody!" "Champagne!" "What do you know?" "A parking lot for boats!" ""V-E-R-A."" " That's correct." " See how smart I am?" " Care to come aboard?" " I'd love to, captain." "This is quite a hideout." "Providing you have something to hide." "That can be arranged." "Yeah, this is a clever kayak, isn't it?" "My husband gave it to me." "He's never been aboard." "Why doesn't he try a little Dramamine?" "This is the dining salon." "And just beyond is the galley." "Where you keep your slaves." "Slaves?" "Nothing?" "Well..." "And this is the master suite." "By the way, where is the master?" "My husband died two years ago." "And no cracks." "I was gonna say, if you get tired of being a wealthy widow you might go back to show business." "No, thank you." "I like being Mrs. Prentiss Simpson." "I'm not knocking you for being Mrs. Simpson but I just thought you and me, as a team, we'd make a dandy double." "Aren't you afraid you might find me a bit rusty?" "Don't be ridiculous." "Why don't you get out of something uncomfortable?" "I'll audition you." "Oh, Beauty, you have all the subtlety of a battering ram." "But you wrong me, my dear." "I meant perhaps you'd like to run through one of my old routines." "The ones I did before I became an emcee." "No, thank you." "That would bring back too many memories:" "The sticks, split weeks, drafty dressing rooms." "Drunks tossing pennies." "That's the story of my life." "But I'm going places one of these days." "I'm gonna have a club all my very own." "My name up in lights." "No hokey waiters rattling plates when I'm on." "No tough managers belting me around." "I'll be my own boss, and nobody owns Joey but Joey." "Chez Joey?" "Chez Joey." "Chez Joey, a place with real class." "I might even appear in white tie and tails." "Might even wear an opera hat." "Suave stuff, easygoing stuff." "I might do all of the patter like that." " Maybe I'll do it in French." " Maybe you'd better not." "That's what I said, maybe I'd better not." "You'd give a lot for a place like that, wouldn't you?" "Anything." "How about it?" "You and me could be partners." "What would I get out of it?" "Name something." "There's nothing I don't have." "You want to bet?" "After all, two years is a long time between drinks." "Oh, you can hit better than that, partner." "Yes, isn't it?" "Linda?" "You up yet?" "I've been up for hours." "Open the door, I want to talk." "What do you want?" "What's the idea of all the ice?" "You're burned up because I took a powder last night." "What possible difference could it make to me?" "Good morning, Snuffy." "I have a bone for you." "I might make you a present of Snuffy." "I'm planning on blowing this trap." "I'm moving to a place that fits me better." " You're not leaving the club?" " Nope." "I'm gonna take the club with me." "Let me show you something." "Look straight up to Nob Hill." "That's where I'm taking the club." "Little old me." " You?" " Me." "And Mike, the girls and everybody in the joint." "It's gonna be the same cast, the same booze, but a new address." "How?" "What happened?" "Did somebody die?" "No, in fact, somebody came to life." " I have a partner." " Oh, who?" "Yes, ma'am, we're gonna have a real classy joint." "K-L-A-S-Y." "Who's we?" "Me and my partner." "Who is your partner, Joey?" "Mrs. Simpson." "Wait, don't get the wrong idea." "This is legitimate business." " Lawyers, 6% interest, everything." " Everything?" "Don't give me that "everything" jazz." "This could be my chance." "It could be yours too." "I've got an idea for a number in the show." "Tell me, just what do I have to do for it?" "Just remember all the lyrics, Linda." "How about Snuffy?" "Are you gonna take him or aren't you?" "You bet I will." "Not even a dog should live with you." "Linda, his leash." "Goodbye, Snuffy." "So long, old pal." "Lucky dog, living with Linda." "She's really a nice girl she just acts like all nice girls act." "Lousy!" " Good morning, Mr. Boss." " How are you, Herm?" "Since you have this swell joint, I guess there's no place for me." " Not at all." "You've got a job." " Gee, Joey." "Thanks." "Wherever there's mice, there's always a rat." "I'd like them out to there." "Uh-uh." "Out to here." "Well, there it is." "Chez Joey." "Just like I pictured it to be." "A dream come true." " It means that much to you, huh, Joey?" " You bet it does." "It took years of scrounging to get a joint like this." "That isn't how you got it." "I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have said it." "Maybe..." "Maybe you're in love with her." "He looks a little thin." "Don't you feed him?" "A lot better than you did." "He just doesn't eat." "Maybe he's getting lonely." "Don't look at me, I'm eating fine." "Howdy." "Who was that?" "One of the mice in the line." "The pretty one?" " I didn't even notice." " You were deep in conversation." " I was asking about my dog." " Yours?" "What's she doing with it?" "I gave him to her when I evacuated Mrs. Casey's rattrap." " Did she live there too?" " Yep." "Why didn't you bring him?" "Because he wasn't yet yacht-broken." " When did she spring from the chorus?" " Who?" "The mouse in the spotlight." "I'm beginning to talk like you." "Oh, you mean Linda?" "She's Ned's girl, and he's kind of stuck on her." "We talked it over, and we figured she was ready." "Ready for what?" "Very nice, Miss English." "That was wonderful." "Beautiful." "Pretty good." "Let's do the kick-it-around number." "Let's go." "Don't you think she was good?" " Not quite good enough." " She's just beginning." "Wait'll you hear this next number." "I think she'd be better off someplace else." " Would you like to explain that?" " I'll make it simple:" "She's out." " You want me to fire her?" " Yes, partner." "I figure it's the only way to protect my investment." "I don't mean the club, I mean you." "I think it's a stinking trick." "Come now, Beauty." "Don't tell me you've developed a better nature." "Come on, Snuffy." " Linda, you decent?" " Just about." "Come on in." "You were so good in that number, I decided to give you something better." " You did?" " A blockbuster." "That's wonderful." "Which one?" "I thought you ought to do the strip." "But Gladys does that number." "You wind up with nothing on." "What do you think I am?" "You're the best-built mouse here, so we should take advantage of it." "I won't do it." "I'm sticking to my song." "I'm sorry, baby, but I've already given the song to Gladys." "I just thought you'd be pleased." "Wait a minute." "There's something more to this." "You wanted me to say no." "Why?" "Your girlfriend said to get rid of me, didn't she?" "But you didn't have the guts, did you?" "You wanted me to quit." "Chez Joey, that's a laugh." "Why don't you change it to Chez Vera?" "What are you waiting for?" "You've run your errand." "What happened to your head?" "You ought to know, I didn't have to fire her." "She quit." "It's the same thing." "Don't worry, she'll have no trouble finding work." "She can always pitch for the New York Giants." "I want a bourbon, straight." "Isn't it a little early in the day for a girl who doesn't drink?" "On second thought, make it two." "What's with the watch?" "It's getting late." "Finish your drink." "What for?" "We've got all night." "Oh, no, we haven't, Beauty." "I'm giving a dinner party." "So?" "Put another plate at the table." "It would make 13, and I'm superstitious." "The only thing I'm superstitious about is 13 in bed." " You'll have to leave." " Okay." "I guess you think I don't know what fork to use." "Well, I don't." "I wouldn't eat with those creeps anyway." "See you at the boat." "I'll go down and grab a hamburger." "How should I have my hamburger with or without onions?" "Without." "You're a cinch." "How come you didn't show?" "I had to hear Tristan und Isolde." "Hear them do what?" "It's an opera!" "Oh, of course." "Then they came here." "I couldn't get out." "Aren't you gonna pipe me aboard?" "What was that?" "I'm listening to the late news." "Talk to you tomorrow." "Man's best friend." "Or was that your mother?" "Wonder what she'd say if she could see me now?" "She'd say that you were stoned." "She'd also want to know why you're here." "I decided to take your offer." "What offer?" "The strip." "The peeled." "Take it off and let it lay." "You were right." "I do have a good shape." "Confidentially I'm stacked." "I bet you thought I wouldn't." "I bet you thought I couldn't." "But I can." "And I will." "It's all right, Snuffy." "If I walk in my sleep, bite me." "Well!" "Good morning." "What's good about it?" "Your first hangover, huh?" "There's a first time for everybody." "Why do people drink when it feels so awful the day after?" "Maybe because it feels so good the night before." "What did I do last night?" "You kissed me." "I wasn't myself." "Whoever you were, you were great." " Then what?" " Then you passed out." " I'm ashamed of myself..." " Me too." "Why?" "What did you do?" "Nothing." "Let's try on some breakfast." "Come on." "It'll do you good." "Nice and easy." "Oh, Snuffy, please." "Not so loud." " There you are." " You cook?" "You can't go through life on Wheaties alone." " I couldn't, Joey..." " I got an idea." "Here's an old family recipe." "Hangovers run in my family." "My old man wrote the book." "I think this'll straighten you out." "Come on, Snuff." "Come on." "Up." "A bagel." "He learned it from me." "Fine pupil." "You really don't feel well, do you?" "It's not just the hangover." "Where I come from, a girl just doesn't spend the night on a yacht and then stay for breakfast." "But we don't have any yachts." " By the way, where do you come from?" " Albuquerque." "What's wrong with Albuquerque?" "They don't have any yachts." "I'm surprised your mother let you come to the big town." "She said a nice girl is nice wherever she is." "Yeah, I know, and a bum is a bum." "She didn't say that." "Besides, what about last night?" "You didn't take advantage of me." "Don't pin any medals on me." "It just so happens, in my book it takes two to tango." "Why are you ashamed of your good impulses?" "Maybe it's because I don't get many." "You got a fella in Albuquerque?" "I suppose you could call him that." "His name's Alfred." "Works in a garage." "A grease monkey!" "No contest, it's a boat race." "He owns the garage." "I better go." "Thanks for everything, Joey." "Snuffy?" "I should start rehearsing that number." "Now that you're sober, you still want to do the strip number?" "Was it your idea, Joey, or was it hers?" "Of course it was my idea." "I run the joint, don't I?" "It says, "Chez Joey."" "If you really want me to do it, I'll do it." "Good." "I'm glad you decided to." "The first guy who drops a knife tonight gets it in the back." "That's all, kids." "Okay, next number." "I never thought she'd do it." "I've seen them come and go, but I thought this one was different." "All right, hold it!" "Hold it." "Cut." "You can all stop drooling." "Go put your clothes on." "Well, what do you know!" "Prince Valiant." "I'll hit you in the head." "Go do the number." "A pleasure." "Here, try this." "Blow your nose." " I'm sorry." " Forget it." " It was a nice try." " It wasn't." "It was awful." " I just wanted to die." " I know what you mean." "I guess your mother was right." "A nice girl is a nice girl anywhere, and a bum is a bum." "I shouldn't have let you do it." "Fix your face and put on your dress." "We'll do the love song." "Joey, somebody wants to see you." "I won't be long." "Hi, doll." "What's the rush?" "I was rehearsing." "It may not be necessary." "What do you mean?" "You lied to me." "You told me she quit." "She did, but she decided to come back." "Be reasonable, baby." "She means nothing to me." "She's got a sick mother." "Tell her to get Blue Cross." "Get her out!" "Is that an order?" "Yes, it is." "I don't like orders." "You'll do as I tell you or the club won't open." "You'd chuck the whole thing over a stage-struck little broad?" "It isn't just one stage-struck little broad, it's what she stands for." "You paraded her in front of everybody." "You made a fool of yourself, of me." "Go out there and tell the girl she's through." "What are you waiting for?" "I told you something once." "I'm gonna tell it to you again." "Nobody owns Joey, but Joey." "I'll show you who owns Joey." "Mike." "Pay everybody off." "Chez Joey is not going to open." " But Mrs. Simpson..." " And take down the sign." "Joey, shall I break the news?" "Thanks, Mike." "I'll do it." "We have the houselights on the dimmer system, all checked out." "Mr. Evans, I've arranged all the flowers like this." "They're lovely." "Thank you." " The tables will be ready for 7:30." " Good." "The mike's okay now." "Want to try?" "Yeah, I'll try it." "Kids, I've got something to say." "I got a short announcement that'll kill you." "Don't look now, but the joint's folded." "I told you you'd get a laugh." "But I'm not kidding." "Chez Joey won't open tonight or tomorrow night or any other night after that." "I'm sorry to tell you this, but the party's over." "The lady picked up her marbles and went home." " I'm sorry." " Beat it, kid." "I said, beat it!" "And leave me alone." "Someone to see you, madam." "Show him in." "But it's a young lady, madam, a Miss English." " Ask her to come in." " Yes, madam." "This way, miss." " You wanted to see me?" " It's about Joey." "I know how you feel, but there's been nothing between us." "Are you sure about that, Miss English?" "I am quite sure, Mrs. Simpson." "Let the club open, please." "You're hurting a lot of people..." "You're not concerned with them." "You're in love with Joey." "Aren't you?" "We understand each other." "We're alike, Joey and I. The same breed." "I'm not so sure of that." "Joey's better than you think, better than he thinks." "Nobody's better than he thinks." "It may come as a surprise, Miss English..." "I do believe there's nothing between you." "That makes you dangerous." "He may not know it, but when he told you to keep your clothes on he played the greatest love scene of his career." "I could undress in the lobby of the Fairmont Hotel and he'd never turn a hair." "So, you see, Miss English with you on the scene I couldn't possibly reopen the club." " If I wasn't on the scene?" " Well, I..." "I might give it serious consideration." "After all, I rather enjoyed owning a nightclub." "It wouldn't do to let him know why you're leaving." "He dislikes being under any obligation except financial." "Why not?" "I earned them." "You can unpack, Joey." "I've changed my mind." " I said I've changed my mind." " I got ears." "But you don't understand." "It's all right." "The club will open." " It won't happen again, Joey." " Sure." "One false move and I'm right out on my Francis." " That's not true." " Oh, no?" "Very well, I'll prove it." "We'll get married." "Oh, no." "Don't give me that marriage bit." "Don't do me any favours." "It isn't a favour." "I want it that way." "So the lady wants it that way." ""Jump, Joey, jump!"" "Oh, darling Joey, you've had your fun." "Can't we go now?" "I've got a big flash for you." "You and me ain't going nowhere." "Don't take it so big, Mrs. Simpson." "I'm doing you a big favour." "Darling, I want to marry you." "It'll take more than a license to make an honest man out of a bum like me." "That I'll have to work out myself." "Thanks for the use of the pad." "I guess that's that." "That's that." "Is it...?" "Is it the mouse?" "Maybe." " Maybe you should tell her." " What for?" "Why should I louse up her life?" "All of this could have been yours." "The whole joint." "And you blew it on account of two dames." "You never seem to learn, do you?" "So long, little bird." "Don't pick up any nails." "Where are we going?" " What do you mean, we?" " We're both out of work, aren't we?" "I'm on my way to Sacramento." "Fine." "I've always wanted to see the state capital." "Look, you asked me to do the love song with you." "Are you trying to crawl out of it?" " I thought we were good together." " Are you crazy?" "I'd probably brush you off before we got to the station." "Why don't you beat it?" "I have no desire to be hemmed in." "Why don't you beat it?" "Take the mutt with you." "Why don't you get out while you've got the chance?" "What do you think I'm made of?" "Don't you know I got a low boiling point?" "I guess we weren't so bad at that, were we?" "I can use a girl in the act, give it class." " I could always do a strip." " Don't bring that up again." "How about my billing?" " What?" " My name, my picture." "Oh, yes." "Well, it'll be "Joey Evans and Linda English."" "How about "Joey and Linda Evans"?" "It's shorter." "I got a better idea." "How about "Joey Evans and Company"?" "That's shorter still." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "Wait, you got this all wrong." " I never touched her." " We got there just in time." "You entertainers are all alike." "You think you can own every dame." "Show me a law that says I can't buy a doll a friendly drink!" "No law." "Just don't buy a drink in your hotel room." "For a doll that's underage." "Let's get going." "How'd I know she was jailbait?" "She looked like she was 35." "Should I ask for her driver's license?" "If you had, you'd have known she's the mayor's daughter." " Can't we talk this over?" " You're leaving town now." " I can't." "I'm broke." " Here's your ticket, one way!" "All aboard!" "Thank you." " Taxi!" " Taxicab!" " Taxi!" " Cab, lady?" " Taxicab!" " Taxi!" "Taxi, sir?" "No, I've got my chauffeur meeting me." "Okay." "Taxi?" "Aid, young man?" "Can I give you aid?" " What did you have in mind?" " I beg your pardon!" " Let your hips swing..." " You need a singer?" "Singer?" "I don't care if you sing like a nightingale." "I'm running a girls' show." "Legs not tonsils." "I see what you mean." "Thanks a lot." "Everybody happy on the inside!" "Everybody happy!" "We got the greatest show in town." "The greatest show!" "Come on in and hear Ned Galvin and his Galvinizers!" "The hottest band in town!" "We got the finest food in town." "Hurry, hurry!" "Everybody happy on the inside." "Go on right in, bud." "How are your fortune cookies?" " Hi, maestro." " Oh, no." "Remember your pal Joey?" "How could I forget?" "You owe me 30 bucks." "Why do you think I'm here?" "To pay you." " Oh, man, am I glad to see you." " Take it out of my salary." "Tell the management I'm available." " You always are." " You have to stay loose." "That's the trouble, you see." "But we have an emcee." "Listen, can we go someplace after the show, have a cup of coffee and yak up old times?" "That would be good, but I got a date." "If she's a good-Iooking chick, bring her along." " She's good-Iooking, all right." " You don't understand." " Joey's turned over a new leaf." " New Joey?" "Sure, I bet." "How good-Iooking is she?" "Back again, huh?" "Oh, no." "Hey, who's the mouse with the built?" "You gotta lay off of her, Joey." "She's a nice kid." "She has ambition too, to be a singer." "I'm helping her with some arrangements." "Looks like she's well-arranged as it is." "Has that crummy emcee shown up?" " Not yet, Mike." "He must be stuck." " Yeah, in a crap game." "That's twice this week this bum has been late." "Should we go right into the finale?" "Yeah, go right into the finale." "Come on, ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it!" "You can do better than that." "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen." "Good evening." "I'm very happy to be working here in my home town of..." "San Francisco." "I've never seen him." "I was born in this town on top of Telegraph Hill." "My mother was sending a wire at the time." "That's in Morse code." "It's a Secret Service joke." " Do you know this bum?" " Yeah." " What's his name?" " His name's Joey Evans." "The Joey Evans who caused all the trouble at the Hi-Ho Club a few years back?" "You mean the Joey Evans who...?" "I've a request to do a song to all saloonkeepers who blew their liquor license." ""I Didn't Know What Time It Was."" "Oh, boy." "C-7, please." "He's got them in a trance." "It's better they stay awake." "In a trance, they won't drink." "If they won't drink, I go out of business." "He's cute!" "You think anyone with pants on is cute." "I like lots of people without pants." "What I mean is..." "Let it lay, honey." "Thank you very much." "Okay, hit the finale." " Say, when do I start?" " You already started." "What about my billing?" "You know, my picture out front." " Are you kidding?" " Who's kidding?" "I've got a big following." "They'll break the door down." "One bad night and you'll be out." "I've heard a lot about you, lover-boy." "I don't want you around the customers' dames." "One false move and you're out on your Francis." "Yeah, you." "That's what I like, Mike, security in a job." "Say nobody's brought it up yet, but I get 200 a week." " What?" " I'll take less." "I'll take less." "I made it a point never to argue with the owner." "She was one of those new kids, a little nervous." "I coached her a bit, excuse the expression." "She was singing that draggy jazz." "When the fleet landed she asked what would please the sailors." "So I told her." "Things were never the same between us again." "Linda English, Joey Evans." "She was quite a doll, that redheaded girl of yours in San Diego." "It was your redheaded girl." "If you want to get technical, she was the manager's girl." "And she was a brunette." "It's good to see American food." "I've been working six months in Honolulu." " You don't look very tan." " Well, it was the rainy season." "If you want to know what they wear under those grass skirts..." " Hey, easy." " I'm sorry." " Excuse me, Miss...?" " English." " For you, Ned." " Okay, baby." "Excuse me." "I heard about you, buster." "Big reputation." "Yeah, but I'm too much of a lady to say what for." "My sister worked with you in Fresno." "She told me all about you." "Which one was she?" "The one you didn't get to first base with." "Oh, she was the ugly one." "Must be twins." "Good news!" "We're coming up in the world." "The agent called and wants us to play a society party on Nob Hill." "Shorty, you call the union and get four extra guys." "The main band's bus broke down somewhere." " Want to go along?" " We'd love to." "No!" "Well, maybe this will give you a chance to pick up a couple bucks." " I'll never forget you for this." " Yes, you will." "Ask the drummer for a jacket." "Nice to have met you, Miss...?" "English." "Gotta remember that." "I recognize the face, but not the body." "That's Mrs. Prentiss Simpson." "She owns the place." "She didn't pick up that action at Arthur Murray's." "You're right." "She used to be Vera Vanessa." "She was in show business." "Then she married a wealthy guy and retired." "Oh, yeah, now I remember." ""Vanessa the Undresser."" "I didn't recognize her with her clothes on." "Not a bad-Iooking mouse." "It's too bad you can't afford her brand of cheese." "Sold to the highest bidder, our charming hostess, Mrs. Simpson." "Ladies and gentlemen, I believe this ends our little auction." "You'll be happy to learn that the Children's Hospital will be richer by $17,605." "It's a wee bit short of our goal of 20,000 but unfortunately, we seem to have run out of articles to auction." "Just a minute, Mrs. Simpson." "I believe I have something to auction." "How much would you bid to hear Mrs. Simpson do one of her numbers?" "This is her favourite charity." "She couldn't possibly say no." "How much to see her do the number that made her name a byword from coast to coast?" "You don't remember Vera Vanessa?" ""Vera with the Vanishing Veils."" "You needn't start the bidding." "I will open the bidding." "I will get things going by bidding $1000." "A thousand bucks to see our lovely hostess do the number as she did it on the stage." "Not exactly, because she promised the police commissioner she'd never do it that way again." "Do I hear two thousand?" "Two thousand?" " Two thousand." " Three thousand." "That's hardly enough." "That's hardly half enough." "We've got to do a lot better than that." "I'll bid $4000." "Do I hear $5000?" "Five thousand, ladies and gentlemen?" "Doesn't anybody...?" "Five thousand dollars!" "Five thousand?" "Please..." "Five thousand dollars!" "I'll bid five thousand." "Five thousand dollars, the man bids." "Sold for five thousand dollars." "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mrs. Prentiss Simpson." "You louse." "Thank you very much." "And now if you'll step onto the terrace, supper is being served." "Nothing like a midnight snack." "Just a minute, my presumptuous friend." " The help is eating in the kitchen." " T.R.U." "If you want a comeback, I've got material." "You can reach me at the Barbary Coast Club." "Before I go, there's one thing I'd like to know." "What would you have done if you'd had to pay the 4000?" "Simple." "I'd have killed myself." "Good night, Miss...?" "Oh, forget it." " Good night, Linda." " Good night." "See you at rehearsal." "Of all the dirty, rotten, low-down tricks." "What?" "You know what I'm talking about, Linda." "You know I'm stuck on her." " I didn't even look at her." " That's just it." "She's beautiful and you act like she doesn't exist." "Are you trying to make a move?" " Who me?" " No, him!" "I told you I turned over a new leaf." "She's not my type." "They're all your type, Joey." "Where are you going?" "With you." "I've gotta have a place to stay." "Not with me." "I'd as soon bunk with a cobra." "Now just a minute." "Here's 20 bucks." "This is your share of tonight's take." "You know what?" "Get your own room." "Ned, I'm hurt, really." "If that's the way you want it." "Sure, I know I'm gonna hate myself in the morning." "You may not have to wait that long." " What do you want?" " To rent the room." " At this hour?" "Come back later." " I need it now." "I'm tired." "Sure you're not one of those sex fiends?" "Me?" "No, but I'm not against it." " Where's your baggage?" " At the airport." "It's coming tomorrow." "When the boy comes, will you tip him?" "Here's $10." "All right." "I like quiet." "You wouldn't have a room next to someone who works nights?" "Why, I've got just the thing." "Second floor, front." "Next to a young lady, an actress, but very refined." "You share a bath." " We do?" " She's nice and clean." "Now, is this what you want?" "It's the closest thing to it." "I don't allow pets, cooking in the room or guests of the opposite sex, unless related." "Well, I have several nieces." "That'll be $40 a month, in advance." "You wouldn't have change of $100?" "Think I want to get murdered?" "No, of course." "Well, here's 10, ma'am, on account." "I'll get you some towels." "Thank you." "I'll hurry her up." " Who is it?" " Mrs. Casey." "Meet your new neighbour." "Oh, no!" "You know each other?" " What a coincidence!" " Isn't it, though?" "If you were my girl, you wouldn't need one of those." "I'm filling it for Mrs. Casey!" "You shouldn't wear pajamas." "You're definitely the nightgown type." "The shorties." "I'll pay you next week." "You alter that one too, and I'll send around my friends." "Never mind sending friends, just send your money." "Hi there, fella." "Bet you wish you were out here, don't you?" " If it isn't Ned's girl." " I'm not his girl." "He told me you were." "I don't want to complain, but you used all the hot water this morning." "I thought you could use a cold shower." "He's cute." "Reminds me of my dog when I was a kid." "His name was Snuffy." "I was crazy about him, and one day he got run over by a milk truck." "I haven't been able to drink milk since." "I wish I could afford him." "It gets lonely travelling by yourself." "Don't you have rehearsals with your boyfriend?" "If you mean Ned, I told you..." "Oh, yes, you're just good friends." "So long, Snuffy." "Oh, by the way, both of us use a green toothbrush." "One of us is gonna have to change." " Barbary Coast Club." "Come right in and see our "sex-sational" girls and featuring Joey Evans." " Come on." " Joey!" " Come on." " Joey, stop!" "Gotta go." "When do I get a door on this closet?" "You don't." "I couldn't trust you behind a door." "Say, where's that big following you're supposed to have?" "It takes time." "Let the word percolate." "It'd better percolate quick." " Evening, Mr. Miggins." "Hi, Joey." " Hi, doll." "Stop over tonight?" "I want to show you my hi-fi." "This kid's got a fine woofer and tweeter." "Like I was saying, Mike, you gotta let the people know I'm here." "Your name's out front." "What?" "Can't your public read?" "Sure they can, but blow up my picture." "You're blown up enough." "Here's your shirts, Joey." "Just the way you like them, no starch." "What an arrangement." "You bum." "In two weeks you've moved in on every doll but Gladys and Linda." "Showtime!" " Gladys doesn't appeal to me." " And you don't appeal to Linda." "Oh, no?" "I've got plans for this doll." "Ring-a-ding plans!" "This mouse takes a special kind of baiting." "You're wasting your time." "She won't go for it." "They all do." "Whoever heard of singing a song like this without a girl?" "Come on." " Fun, huh?" " It was wonderful." "How's it feel working with a star?" "Don't let it go to your head." "Just baiting the trap." "Why, you..." "Hey, Linda." "I'm taking a bath." "I'll be out in 10 minutes." "Want me to scrub your back?" "No." "And you needn't bother peeking through the keyhole." "There's a Band-Aid over it." "How about a nice Sunday dinner?" "I'll take you out to the Cliff House." "We'll have steak, French fries and wine." "You know, the whole mishmash." "Thanks." "I can't afford it." "What do you mean, you?" "I'm popping." "Why, that's very generous of you, Joey." "I'd love to." " Funny how we use the same toothpaste." " Yes, mine." "It's things like that that bring people together." "Look, there's your friend." "Why, he's glad to see you." "Look how he likes you." "It's just amazing." "I come by every day and talk to him." "I pretend like he's mine." " You'd really like to own him?" " I'd give my right arm." " How much is this terrier?" " Twenty-five dollars." " Twenty...!" " We'll take him!" " What are you doing?" " No excuses." "I've made up my mind." "I couldn't let you throw away that money on me." "I want you to buy what you really want." "A dog to replace Snuffy." "No, I don't want the..." "What I mean is..." "Mrs. Casey would never let me have a dog." "She will." "I told her how much it meant to you." "She was touched." " She won't be when he ruins her rug." " Oh, he'll be housebroken in no time." " Here you are." " Thank you." "Here." "A dog to replace Snuffy." "All yours." "You'll never be lonely again." "That'll be $25, mister." "Would you like to take some worm medicine?" "Not if I can help it." "We can't go to dinner like this." "Don't worry about me." "You just run along home with Snuffy." "Look at that." "He's crazy over him." "Yeah, he loves me." "Well, don't let it go to your head." "Bye, Joey." "Bye, Snuffy." "Twenty-five bucks for a mutt like you." "You're not what I expected to wind up with tonight." "Terrier." "Terrier, my ankle!" "I bet you don't even know who your old man is." "But don't worry about it, I don't know who mine is either." "We're members of the same club." "Let's see what you know." "Sit up." "Roll over." "What a no-talent pooch." "Okay, get some sleep." "Tomorrow we start working, teach you some tricks." "No, my little fellow." "Off." "O-R-F." "Orf!" "Here." "Come on." "And remember, the powder room is in the park." "Okay, fatten up." "Snuffy, don't take it!" "You mustn't do that." " Why not?" "The pooch is hungry." " What?" "Chicken bones?" "What's wrong with that?" "You used to feed them to Snuffy?" "There never really was a Snuffy, was there?" "There is now." "I guess I played a dirty trick on you." "Nah, it doesn't matter." "He's beginning to grow on me now." "And so are you too." "What's with the milk bit?" "I says, " Doc, how long do I have to sneak in the back and drink this?" "It doesn't look good to the customers."" "Mike, Mrs. Simpson, the big society dame, just come in." " Mrs. Simpson, in my place?" " Table nine." "Take him for a walk." "I told you I'd bring her in." "Wait a minute." "Let me handle this." "I'm big with her kind." "You're pretty big above your ears." "Some guys have a system with horses, I got one with dames." " Hit me." " It's a snap." "You treat a dame like a lady and treat a lady like a dame." "And underneath those furs, that is pure dame." "This place was definitely not recommended by Duncan Hines." "Wouldn't we rather be bobbing for apples?" "Why bring us here?" "I've got a score to settle with one of the inmates." "Watch Joey's class." "You stock up on the caviar and champagne." "This dump'll cater to nothing but the carriage trade." "Good evening." "We're honoured and so pleased to see you came all the way from Nob Hill." "Well, the boy auctioneer." "Won't you join us?" "I'd be delighted." "I'm Joey Evans." " My name's Stanley." " Mine's Livingston." "That's funny." "They have a sense of humour." " I like that." "Reminds me of Dad's." " Dad's?" "My father always used to tease me about something." " Particularly about my flying." " Your flying?" "In my sports plane." "Oh, it was my love, my life." "You get something out of flying that's unlike anything else." "Really?" "It used to upset him because I started when I was quite young." "I'm sure you started at it very young." "It was when I studied aeronautics and conversational French at Princeton." "That is, before I resigned to go into the theatre." "Pierre?" "When is he going to study conversational English?" "Would you bring a bottle of the best champagne, please?" "Oh, yes, yes, sir!" "Hungry?" "They have a piece of resistance here that's great." "Oh, no, thank you." "We ate before we came." "I can't say I blame you." "I must apologize for the crumb..." "The décor." "The owner is an old buddy of mine." "We were in the same platoon." "And, well, he wired me for help when I was in New York." "I quit my job at the Waldorf and here I am." "I've always admired men who are loyal to their friends." "Just between you and me, I've been thinking about opening my own place." "Something very intimate and quiet classy." "Maybe a quartet of violins." "I'd be there every night." "You would?" "That's wonderful." "What are we going to call it?" "Well, I thought we'd call it something romantic and maybe foreign even." "How about Chez Joey?" "Chez Joey?" "That's very good." "That's perfect." "It's even French." "Here we are." "Sure it's old enough to be out alone?" "Yes, sir. 1950, a very good year." "Maybe for the grape, but it was a lousy year for emcees." " To Chez Joey." " Chez Joey." "That's what I like." "Champagne that fights back." "Showtime!" "Oh, that's me." "Excuse me." "I do a song in this show, a love song, especially for some of my friends." "What is this?" "We were just slumming, Beauty." "And we have a lot of spots to make." "What's next, boys?" "That place where the lady dances with snakes?" "So that's your system, huh?" "I tried it on the wrong mare." "Your system just ran out of the money and so have you." "You're through!" "Don't you know a phony act when you see it?" "She had to do that with those two guys." "She'll be back." "Get out of here before I wreck my furniture." "Wait!" "You'll be sorry." "Come here." "I want to make you a deal." "If she's not back by Saturday, I'll leave without pay." "You bet you will." "But, if she comes back, I stay with a raise." "Okay, you got a deal." "There's a gentleman to see you." "When I asked his business he seemed to talk a vernacular I simply couldn't follow." " It sounds like Superboy." " Excuse me?" "Same vernacular." "I'll see him." "You bet you will." "Get rid of the pallbearer." "All right, what is it?" " I dropped in to say goodbye." " Oh, are you going somewhere?" "Yep, away." "It worked, baby." "I'm through, the end of this week." "I didn't mean that to happen." "Don't worry your head about it." "I'm sick of this lousy town anyway." "I really came here to straighten you out so you wouldn't get wrong ideas why I made a play." "I wouldn't want you to get the impression that you appeal to me." "The only thing about you that appeals to me is your M-U-N-Y." "Money." " Do I make myself clear?" " Crystal clear." "By the way if you knew what you're throwing away, you'd cut your throat." "Mr. Evans?" "Have you had lunch?" "Thank you, but I have a luncheon date with a dog." "Okay, it's lunchtime." "Come on." "There you go." "Come on, boy." "It's not chopped liver, but you eat what I eat for the time being." "Here, try this bagel." "The fingers are mine." "Easy!" "You ought to try that with cream cheese and lox." "Stick with me, you'll have nothing but bad habits." "Okay, it's time for your lessons." "Let's see what you've learned." "We'll begin with the praying bit." "That always gets them." "And while you're at it, pray that Mrs. Simpson remembers to show up." "Lover-boy." "You're gonna love it on the road." "Joey, it's Linda." "May I come in?" "Sure, come in and make yourself at home." "Gladys says you're leaving." "Yeah, that's right." "I got a wire from Hollywood." "Well, why didn't you tell me?" "Why should I?" "You don't care what happens to me." "Of course I do." "All the girls do." "I don't care about all the girls, baby." "I just care about you." "Do you mean that, Joey, or is it just an act?" "Of course I mean it." "We'll miss her, won't we, Snuffy?" "I'll miss you too." "I'm very fond of Snuffy." "Why don't the three of us have supper tonight?" "Show business is funny." "We may never see each other again." "Tonight could be our last night." "All right, Joey." "I'll change my things." "I'll take you to the Cliff House for shrimp steak, French fries and wine." "You know, the whole mishmash." "Mind the store." "I'll finish your laundry, Joey." "You can pick it up later." "Gee, I sure am gonna miss you." "I'm gonna miss you too, doll." "Your flatwork is a gasser." "I hear you got the old bounceroo, big shot." "If you mean you heard I was leaving, you got it." "I'm on my way to New York." "El Morocco." "The only way you could get to Morocco is to join the Foreign Legion." "Funny, funny!" " There's some scraps for your dog." " Thank you, chef." "Dog, my foot." "He eats them himself." "Why not?" "It's good stuff." "Would you care to join us?" "Sloppy." "Take it easy." "Don't get excited." " Mrs. Simpson!" " Good evening." "Won't you come in?" " Am I too late?" " You?" "Never." "I'm in the mood for entertainment." " Pete, get the boys." " Yes, sir!" "Right away." "Champagne for the band and make mine a double brandy." " Double brandy for Mrs. Simpson!" " Okay, Mike." " I believe you have a singer." " Yeah, Joey." "Joey, sing a song for the lady." "What would the lady like?" " Tell him to surprise me." " Joey, surprise the lady." "I'll surprise the lady." "Double brandy." "Twenty-six." "Come now, Beauty." "Not only a raise, I'll give him a bicycle." "Champagne for everybody!" "Champagne!" "What do you know?" "A parking lot for boats!" ""V-E-R-A."" " That's correct." " See how smart I am?" " Care to come aboard?" " I'd love to, captain." "This is quite a hideout." "Providing you have something to hide." "That can be arranged." "Yeah, this is a clever kayak, isn't it?" "My husband gave it to me." "He's never been aboard." "Why doesn't he try a little Dramamine?" "This is the dining salon." "And just beyond is the galley." "Where you keep your slaves." "Slaves?" "Nothing?" "Well..." "And this is the master suite." "By the way, where is the master?" "My husband died two years ago." "And no cracks." "I was gonna say, if you get tired of being a wealthy widow you might go back to show business." "No, thank you." "I like being Mrs. Prentiss Simpson." "I'm not knocking you for being Mrs. Simpson but I just thought you and me, as a team, we'd make a dandy double." "Aren't you afraid you might find me a bit rusty?" "Don't be ridiculous." "Why don't you get out of something uncomfortable?" "I'll audition you." "Oh, Beauty, you have all the subtlety of a battering ram." "But you wrong me, my dear." "I meant perhaps you'd like to run through one of my old routines." "The ones I did before I became an emcee." "No, thank you." "That would bring back too many memories:" "The sticks, split weeks, drafty dressing rooms." "Drunks tossing pennies." "That's the story of my life." "But I'm going places one of these days." "I'm gonna have a club all my very own." "My name up in lights." "No hokey waiters rattling plates when I'm on." "No tough managers belting me around." "I'll be my own boss, and nobody owns Joey but Joey." "Chez Joey?" "Chez Joey." "Chez Joey, a place with real class." "I might even appear in white tie and tails." "Might even wear an opera hat." "Suave stuff, easygoing stuff." "I might do all of the patter like that." " Maybe I'll do it in French." " Maybe you'd better not." "That's what I said, maybe I'd better not." "You'd give a lot for a place like that, wouldn't you?" "Anything." "How about it?" "You and me could be partners." "What would I get out of it?" "Name something." "There's nothing I don't have." "You want to bet?" "After all, two years is a long time between drinks." "Oh, you can hit better than that, partner." "Yes, isn't it?" "Linda?" "You up yet?" "I've been up for hours." "Open the door, I want to talk." "What do you want?" "What's the idea of all the ice?" "You're burned up because I took a powder last night." "What possible difference could it make to me?" "Good morning, Snuffy." "I have a bone for you." "I might make you a present of Snuffy." "I'm planning on blowing this trap." "I'm moving to a place that fits me better." " You're not leaving the club?" " Nope." "I'm gonna take the club with me." "Let me show you something." "Look straight up to Nob Hill." "That's where I'm taking the club." "Little old me." " You?" " Me." "And Mike, the girls and everybody in the joint." "It's gonna be the same cast, the same booze, but a new address." "How?" "What happened?" "Did somebody die?" "No, in fact, somebody came to life." " I have a partner." " Oh, who?" "Yes, ma'am, we're gonna have a real classy joint." "K-L-A-S-Y." "Who's we?" "Me and my partner." "Who is your partner, Joey?" "Mrs. Simpson." "Wait, don't get the wrong idea." "This is legitimate business." " Lawyers, 6% interest, everything." " Everything?" "Don't give me that "everything" jazz." "This could be my chance." "It could be yours too." "I've got an idea for a number in the show." "Tell me, just what do I have to do for it?" "Just remember all the lyrics, Linda." "How about Snuffy?" "Are you gonna take him or aren't you?" "You bet I will." "Not even a dog should live with you." "Linda, his leash." "Goodbye, Snuffy." "So long, old pal." "Lucky dog, living with Linda." "She's really a nice girl she just acts like all nice girls act." "Lousy!" " Good morning, Mr. Boss." " How are you, Herm?" "Since you have this swell joint, I guess there's no place for me." " Not at all." "You've got a job." " Gee, Joey." "Thanks." "Wherever there's mice, there's always a rat." "I'd like them out to there." "Uh-uh." "Out to here." "Well, there it is." "Chez Joey." "Just like I pictured it to be." "A dream come true." " It means that much to you, huh, Joey?" " You bet it does." "It took years of scrounging to get a joint like this." "That isn't how you got it." "I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have said it." "Maybe..." "Maybe you're in love with her." "He looks a little thin." "Don't you feed him?" "A lot better than you did." "He just doesn't eat." "Maybe he's getting lonely." "Don't look at me, I'm eating fine." "Howdy." "Who was that?" "One of the mice in the line." "The pretty one?" " I didn't even notice." " You were deep in conversation." " I was asking about my dog." " Yours?" "What's she doing with it?" "I gave him to her when I evacuated Mrs. Casey's rattrap." " Did she live there too?" " Yep." "Why didn't you bring him?" "Because he wasn't yet yacht-broken." " When did she spring from the chorus?" " Who?" "The mouse in the spotlight." "I'm beginning to talk like you." "Oh, you mean Linda?" "She's Ned's girl, and he's kind of stuck on her." "We talked it over, and we figured she was ready." "Ready for what?" "Very nice, Miss English." "That was wonderful." "Beautiful." "Pretty good." "Let's do the kick-it-around number." "Let's go." "Don't you think she was good?" " Not quite good enough." " She's just beginning." "Wait'll you hear this next number." "I think she'd be better off someplace else." " Would you like to explain that?" " I'll make it simple:" "She's out." " You want me to fire her?" " Yes, partner." "I figure it's the only way to protect my investment." "I don't mean the club, I mean you." "I think it's a stinking trick." "Come now, Beauty." "Don't tell me you've developed a better nature." "Come on, Snuffy." " Linda, you decent?" " Just about." "Come on in." "You were so good in that number, I decided to give you something better." " You did?" " A blockbuster." "That's wonderful." "Which one?" "I thought you ought to do the strip." "But Gladys does that number." "You wind up with nothing on." "What do you think I am?" "You're the best-built mouse here, so we should take advantage of it." "I won't do it." "I'm sticking to my song." "I'm sorry, baby, but I've already given the song to Gladys." "I just thought you'd be pleased." "Wait a minute." "There's something more to this." "You wanted me to say no." "Why?" "Your girlfriend said to get rid of me, didn't she?" "But you didn't have the guts, did you?" "You wanted me to quit." "Chez Joey, that's a laugh." "Why don't you change it to Chez Vera?" "What are you waiting for?" "You've run your errand." "What happened to your head?" "You ought to know, I didn't have to fire her." "She quit." "It's the same thing." "Don't worry, she'll have no trouble finding work." "She can always pitch for the New York Giants." "I want a bourbon, straight." "Isn't it a little early in the day for a girl who doesn't drink?" "On second thought, make it two." "What's with the watch?" "It's getting late." "Finish your drink." "What for?" "We've got all night." "Oh, no, we haven't, Beauty." "I'm giving a dinner party." "So?" "Put another plate at the table." "It would make 13, and I'm superstitious." "The only thing I'm superstitious about is 13 in bed." " You'll have to leave." " Okay." "I guess you think I don't know what fork to use." "Well, I don't." "I wouldn't eat with those creeps anyway." "See you at the boat." "I'll go down and grab a hamburger." "How should I have my hamburger with or without onions?" "Without." "You're a cinch." "How come you didn't show?" "I had to hear Tristan und Isolde." "Hear them do what?" "It's an opera!" "Oh, of course." "Then they came here." "I couldn't get out." "Aren't you gonna pipe me aboard?" "What was that?" "I'm listening to the late news." "Talk to you tomorrow." "Man's best friend." "Or was that your mother?" "Wonder what she'd say if she could see me now?" "She'd say that you were stoned." "She'd also want to know why you're here." "I decided to take your offer." "What offer?" "The strip." "The peeled." "Take it off and let it lay." "You were right." "I do have a good shape." "Confidentially I'm stacked." "I bet you thought I wouldn't." "I bet you thought I couldn't." "But I can." "And I will." "It's all right, Snuffy." "If I walk in my sleep, bite me." "Well!" "Good morning." "What's good about it?" "Your first hangover, huh?" "There's a first time for everybody." "Why do people drink when it feels so awful the day after?" "Maybe because it feels so good the night before." "What did I do last night?" "You kissed me." "I wasn't myself." "Whoever you were, you were great." " Then what?" " Then you passed out." " I'm ashamed of myself..." " Me too." "Why?" "What did you do?" "Nothing." "Let's try on some breakfast." "Come on." "It'll do you good." "Nice and easy." "Oh, Snuffy, please." "Not so loud." " There you are." " You cook?" "You can't go through life on Wheaties alone." " I couldn't, Joey..." " I got an idea." "Here's an old family recipe." "Hangovers run in my family." "My old man wrote the book." "I think this'll straighten you out." "Come on, Snuff." "Come on." "Up." "A bagel." "He learned it from me." "Fine pupil." "You really don't feel well, do you?" "It's not just the hangover." "Where I come from, a girl just doesn't spend the night on a yacht and then stay for breakfast." "But we don't have any yachts." " By the way, where do you come from?" " Albuquerque." "What's wrong with Albuquerque?" "They don't have any yachts." "I'm surprised your mother let you come to the big town." "She said a nice girl is nice wherever she is." "Yeah, I know, and a bum is a bum." "She didn't say that." "Besides, what about last night?" "You didn't take advantage of me." "Don't pin any medals on me." "It just so happens, in my book it takes two to tango." "Why are you ashamed of your good impulses?" "Maybe it's because I don't get many." "You got a fella in Albuquerque?" "I suppose you could call him that." "His name's Alfred." "Works in a garage." "A grease monkey!" "No contest, it's a boat race." "He owns the garage." "I better go." "Thanks for everything, Joey." "Snuffy?" "I should start rehearsing that number." "Now that you're sober, you still want to do the strip number?" "Was it your idea, Joey, or was it hers?" "Of course it was my idea." "I run the joint, don't I?" "It says, "Chez Joey."" "If you really want me to do it, I'll do it." "Good." "I'm glad you decided to." "The first guy who drops a knife tonight gets it in the back." "That's all, kids." "Okay, next number." "I never thought she'd do it." "I've seen them come and go, but I thought this one was different." "All right, hold it!" "Hold it." "Cut." "You can all stop drooling." "Go put your clothes on." "Well, what do you know!" "Prince Valiant." "I'll hit you in the head." "Go do the number." "A pleasure." "Here, try this." "Blow your nose." " I'm sorry." " Forget it." " It was a nice try." " It wasn't." "It was awful." " I just wanted to die." " I know what you mean." "I guess your mother was right." "A nice girl is a nice girl anywhere, and a bum is a bum." "I shouldn't have let you do it." "Fix your face and put on your dress." "We'll do the love song." "Joey, somebody wants to see you." "I won't be long." "Hi, doll." "What's the rush?" "I was rehearsing." "It may not be necessary." "What do you mean?" "You lied to me." "You told me she quit." "She did, but she decided to come back." "Be reasonable, baby." "She means nothing to me." "She's got a sick mother." "Tell her to get Blue Cross." "Get her out!" "Is that an order?" "Yes, it is." "I don't like orders." "You'll do as I tell you or the club won't open." "You'd chuck the whole thing over a stage-struck little broad?" "It isn't just one stage-struck little broad, it's what she stands for." "You paraded her in front of everybody." "You made a fool of yourself, of me." "Go out there and tell the girl she's through." "What are you waiting for?" "I told you something once." "I'm gonna tell it to you again." "Nobody owns Joey, but Joey." "I'll show you who owns Joey." "Mike." "Pay everybody off." "Chez Joey is not going to open." " But Mrs. Simpson..." " And take down the sign." "Joey, shall I break the news?" "Thanks, Mike." "I'll do it." "We have the houselights on the dimmer system, all checked out." "Mr. Evans, I've arranged all the flowers like this." "They're lovely." "Thank you." " The tables will be ready for 7:30." " Good." "The mike's okay now." "Want to try?" "Yeah, I'll try it." "Kids, I've got something to say." "I got a short announcement that'll kill you." "Don't look now, but the joint's folded." "I told you you'd get a laugh." "But I'm not kidding." "Chez Joey won't open tonight or tomorrow night or any other night after that." "I'm sorry to tell you this, but the party's over." "The lady picked up her marbles and went home." " I'm sorry." " Beat it, kid." "I said, beat it!" "And leave me alone." "Someone to see you, madam." "Show him in." "But it's a young lady, madam, a Miss English." " Ask her to come in." " Yes, madam." "This way, miss." " You wanted to see me?" " It's about Joey." "I know how you feel, but there's been nothing between us." "Are you sure about that, Miss English?" "I am quite sure, Mrs. Simpson." "Let the club open, please." "You're hurting a lot of people..." "You're not concerned with them." "You're in love with Joey." "Aren't you?" "We understand each other." "We're alike, Joey and I. The same breed." "I'm not so sure of that." "Joey's better than you think, better than he thinks." "Nobody's better than he thinks." "It may come as a surprise, Miss English..." "I do believe there's nothing between you." "That makes you dangerous." "He may not know it, but when he told you to keep your clothes on he played the greatest love scene of his career." "I could undress in the lobby of the Fairmont Hotel and he'd never turn a hair." "So, you see, Miss English with you on the scene I couldn't possibly reopen the club." " If I wasn't on the scene?" " Well, I..." "I might give it serious consideration." "After all, I rather enjoyed owning a nightclub." "It wouldn't do to let him know why you're leaving." "He dislikes being under any obligation except financial." "Why not?" "I earned them." "You can unpack, Joey." "I've changed my mind." " I said I've changed my mind." " I got ears." "But you don't understand." "It's all right." "The club will open." " It won't happen again, Joey." " Sure." "One false move and I'm right out on my Francis." " That's not true." " Oh, no?" "Very well, I'll prove it." "We'll get married." "Oh, no." "Don't give me that marriage bit." "Don't do me any favours." "It isn't a favour." "I want it that way." "So the lady wants it that way." ""Jump, Joey, jump!"" "Oh, darling Joey, you've had your fun." "Can't we go now?" "I've got a big flash for you." "You and me ain't going nowhere." "Don't take it so big, Mrs. Simpson." "I'm doing you a big favour." "Darling, I want to marry you." "It'll take more than a license to make an honest man out of a bum like me." "That I'll have to work out myself." "Thanks for the use of the pad." "I guess that's that." "That's that." "Is it...?" "Is it the mouse?" "Maybe." " Maybe you should tell her." " What for?" "Why should I louse up her life?" "All of this could have been yours." "The whole joint." "And you blew it on account of two dames." "You never seem to learn, do you?" "So long, little bird." "Don't pick up any nails." "Where are we going?" " What do you mean, we?" " We're both out of work, aren't we?" "I'm on my way to Sacramento." "Fine." "I've always wanted to see the state capital." "Look, you asked me to do the love song with you." "Are you trying to crawl out of it?" " I thought we were good together." " Are you crazy?" "I'd probably brush you off before we got to the station." "Why don't you beat it?" "I have no desire to be hemmed in." "Why don't you beat it?" "Take the mutt with you." "Why don't you get out while you've got the chance?" "What do you think I'm made of?" "Don't you know I got a low boiling point?" "I guess we weren't so bad at that, were we?" "I can use a girl in the act, give it class." " I could always do a strip." " Don't bring that up again." "How about my billing?" " What?" " My name, my picture." "Oh, yes." "Well, it'll be "Joey Evans and Linda English."" "How about "Joey and Linda Evans"?" "It's shorter." "I got a better idea." "How about "Joey Evans and Company"?" "That's shorter still." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group"