"Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer" " Spike, this is the hellmouth." "You have a soul?" "Fine." "Show me." "Get out of this basement." " I don't have anywhere else to go." " There will always be vengeance demons." "But now you, Anya, you're out." " Whatever's between us...it doesn't matter." "You shouldn't be alone in this." " Yes, I should." "You're gonna live in that small room over there." "I know it looks like a closet, but it's a room now." "You're not gonna touch my food." "I take the first shower in the morning, and if I use up all the hot water, that's your tough noogies." "And I hate this plan." "Are you keeping up, or do you need some kind of English-to-ConstantPainInMyAss translation?" "Invitation." "Is there something more emphatic than hate?" "Can I revile the plan?" "Fine." "I invite you in." "Nimrod." " Don't want your sodding' food anyway." "I just don't understand when his problems became your problems...more specifically mine." " The school basement is making him crazy." "We can't just leave him there." " Why not?" "Crazy-Basement-Guy is better than Stalking-Buffy-Guy." " It's true." "You guys aren't..." "You're not starting up again with the whole..." " No." "A thousand gallons of no." "OK, it's just...things are different now...he has a soul." " I'm sure that'll be a real comfort when he soulfully attacks you again." " Yeah, what does that mean exactly...that Spike is all soul-having?" " I don't know, but he's been through a lot, OK, and nobody's attacking..." " Buffy..." "Sorry." " No, it's me." "I-I just..." " I'll go." "This can't work." " It will." "I-it already is." "OK, you know, you've been out of the basement for half an hour, and you've already stopped talking to invisible people." " Don't need your mollycoddling." " It's not coddling." "Now go to your closet." " So, what is it?" " What's what?" " Last night, you said you weren't helping Spike out of pity." "What is it?" "It's a good question." " Is sitting there drinking soda some kind of a Zen non-answer?" "No, I just..." "I don't know what I'm feeling." "I think I can't stand him, but sometimes..." " You love him?" " No." "I..." "I feel for him." " Feel what, exactly?" "Dawn..." " No, I'm..." "I'm just trying to understand." "I mean, none of it makes sense." "First you say Spike disgusts you, but secretly you two are doing it like bunnies." "And then Spike says he'd die for you, but he tries to rape you." "For the record, Spike knew how wrong it was." "That's why he went away." " But to get a soul?" "Like that would make him a better man?" "Xander had a soul when he stood Anya up at the altar." "And now he says he still wants her?" "I just don't think it's the school basement that's making people crazy." "I should really get back." "You comin' with?" " I just don't see why people bother." "I mean, you put all this energy into chasing and having and brooding and..." "I just don't understand these relationships where you all do insane things." "Bye, rant girl." " Well, you could, like, paint a beautiful mural on every ugly wall in the world, and then you could paint a beautiful mural on every ugly mural in the wor..." "~ HIM ~ season 7 ep.06" " Maybe I'm not even the right Anyanka." "Ever think about that?" "There's tons of Anyanka's out there." "Maybe one of them pissed off this, uh... what did you say his name was?" "D'Hoffryneffer..." "Good thing I stopped by and heard screaming." "So, I guess D'Hoffryn decided to take you out after all?" "Yeah." "He's, uh, not head of vengeance for nothing." "Well, thank you for the generous life-saving." "Now please go away." "Look, I don't need anyone's help." "Or, OK, clearly I do, but I don't want to need anyone's help, so stop helping." " I get it." "After last week, you feel you need to be all renegade and broody." "Taking yourself out of the loop..." "I need to figure out who I am." " Another, something bad is happening." "I don't want my friends out there alone right now, OK?" " Well, I-I guess you guys could use my help." "Willow's not very good with the practical strategizing... except when she's evil." "And Dawn... she's not really good for anything." " You guys, I've been thinking about it, and I think I can still cheer." "I mean, I could use a chair or we all could, like the Laker Girls." " Oh, honey, you need to concentrate on getting better." "Don't worry." "We'll find a replacement for you tomorrow." " I just feel like I let you down." "Hey, R.J." " Oh, Dawn." " Hey, Summers." "Um, so I-I-I was wondering." "You had Mr. Gurin for English back at your old school, right?" " We all did." "I have him this year." "What a drag." " I actually kinda liked him." " Right!" "Right." "No, no, I like him." "It's just, you know, I meant drag in a good, fun way." "So, um, are the tryouts tomorrow?" "You're gonna make the new girls jump up and down a lot, right?" " God, gross!" "A vending machine fell on Cheryl and all you can think about is new cheerleaders?" " Hey, um, so, you know, I heard someone saying yesterday that we're gonna go all the way to the championships this year." "In football." " Yeah, we actually have a good shot, considering we're a new team." " Yeah, well if you can get us past Highland, we've got a good shot." " Oh, like you could do better." " We'll see." " Wait, you actually think Coach'd start you at quarterback over me?" " I'm just saying..." "The quarterback is like the most important member of the team." "He is like the rudder that guides the ship." "Right." "Could I give you a hand with that?" "Would you really?" "It's OK, she can do it herself." " Hey, we're all on the same team, all right?" "Yeah, you're all on the team." "We'll talk later, guys." "That's cool." "Gooooo Razorbacks!" "OK." "Awesome." "Thank you." "Up next, we have..." "Dawn Summers." "Nice outfit." "Razorbacks, razorbacks, we're gonna play, we got a secret weapon and his name is R.J." "Hear us cheer, hear us yell, listen what we say, razorbacks, razorbacks, go R.J.!" " OK." "Thank you." "Very... spirited." " Come on, Dawnie." "Come out." "Dawn, sweetheart, it's not that bad." "How would you even know?" "R.J.'s never gonna notice me now." "From what you said, I'm sure he already noticed you, I mean with the falling and the... spirit." "Spirit." "They said you were spirited, right?" " Go away!" " Dawn..." " Things are a lot better, I see." " I don't think tonight's gonna be good for videos, Xand." " Right, with the wailing and the crying..." "Still better than a cozy evening with Spike." "Shall I order a pizza?" "Don't teens in a snit like pizza?" "It is not a snit!" "I-I finally met him... they guy of my dreams, OK... and I blew it." "R.J. hates me now." " Dawn, what is that?" "Just the end of my life." " Remember when she used to have a crush on me?" "I miss the much cuter "me" crush." " You shredded my outfit." " I'll buy you a new one." " That's not the point." "I don't want a new cheerleading outfit." "Now, now, let's not be hasty." "Not the right time." " Dawn, I'm sorry that you feel so bad." "OK, but in the morning this won't seem so terrible." "You don't even know this R.J. Not really." "I do know him." "I know his soul." " Really?" "Dawn, he wasn't even on your radar yesterday." "It's the jacket." "It's true." "Something about the big letter on the chest makes girls get all swoony and crushy." "I saw it all the time in school." "And you couldn't just pin any old felt letter to your coat and get play... not that I tried." " It isn't a crush." "It's love." "I love R.J." " Again, since yesterday." "Dawn, it's awfully fast." "What?" "You're telling me I don't feel what I feel?" " No, of course not." "I believe that you think it's real." "It seems real... to you." " You know what?" "Maybe I don't want advice from the Dysfunction Queen." "You have no idea how I feel." "You have no idea what real love is." "Maybe if you did, you wouldn't make fun of me this way." " Dawn, I'm not making fun of you." "Just go." "Leave me alone." " I talked with the coach." " Yeah?" "I told you man...all those fumbles in practice... he was gonna come down on you." " I'm starting on Saturday." " Great." "Who knew fumbling all the time was the key?" " It's just time to let someone else have a turn, man." "And you knew this was coming." "Yeah." "Sure." " You can't do this to R.J." "Oh, hey, it's you." "Nice cheering the other day." " It isn't fair." "He works so hard." " What do you care?" "I mean, this is how the game is played." "It's dog eat dog, may the best man win." " But nobody's better than R.J." "Yeah, well, that's not really up to you, is it?" "Hmm?" " It all happened so fast." "I mean, one minute he was walking, and the next he stumbled, and then he fell." " Why would he say you pushed him down the stairs?" " I don't know." "Maybe he was just embarrassed." "It's hard being clumsy, especially when you're popular and athletic." "I'd bet." " Yeah, well, to be candid, it wouldn't be the first time I caught O'Donnell in a lie." " It'd be nice if his lies didn't involve my sister, though." " Anyway, I'm gonna have to call Coach Wheeler and, uh, tell him the bad news." "Not a conversation I really want to have." "At least you still got R.J. to take over." " Yeah." "Well, I think we have everything we need for now." "I'm sorry you had to get involved in this, Dawn." "That's OK." "I'm just really sorry it happened." " Summers!" "Hey." " Hi." "I heard Wood hauled you into his office." " Well, yeah." " About O'Donnell?" " Yes." " That sucks, facing the whole inquisition thing." "Yeah. "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition."" "God, it's like I have a disease or something." "It was really no big deal." "No." "It was." "I think it's cool that you faced him." "Wood." " We just talked." "He just wanted me to tell him about... the accident." " Yeah." "It sucks when these things just happen...out of nowhere." " Right." "Out of nowhere." "You know, I was thinking of heading out tonight, after practice." "You want to meet up?" "Uh... hmm..." "Well, Spike definitely seems a little more cogent, less bl-bl-bl-bl-bl." "I'm just saying... once you get back the soul, doesn't that mean you start, like, picking up your own wet towels off the floor?" " No, but maybe you start to feel really bad about leaving them there." " At least he's showering, and that's a refreshing and delightful change." " Buff." "I think that's the guy." " What guy?" " The one who, according to Dawn, is the quote smartest, funniest, coolest, hottest, and having the thickest boy eyelashes boy in school unquote." " He don't seem so tough." " Check out the fan club." " Daddy like." " What is that shirt made of?" "Paint?" "Buff..." " Glad Dawnie isn't here to see her precious boyfriend getting all thrusty with some slut-bag hussy..." " Oh." " Oh." "Oh!" "No! "Daddy"..." "No, I wasn't..." "When I was looking, I wasn't..." "Oh, God!" "Right there with ya." " So, do you have plans later, or are you just gonna go down to the docks and wait for the fleet to come in?" " What?" "Where do I start with the bad?" "First, you told me you were going to the library." "Second, you do not go out on a date without informing me first." "Third, Anna Nicole Smith makes you look tacky." "Yeah, well I think I look hot, and so does R.J." "Oh, I bet he does." "Maybe I should go have a little word with him." "No!" "Don't you dare embarrass me in front of him." " I don't like this." "This boy has you acting crazy." " It's my life." "I'll do what I want to." " I don't think so." " Oh." "So, what...suddenly you're Mom now?" "No, I'm not." "And I am glad she's not here to see you like this." "Look, I'm sorry." "I just..." " You just can't handle it." " What?" " You've always been the special one." "Hot little Buffy with her boyfriends." "The Slayer." "And now someone likes me, and you just can't stand that I'm getting the attention." " That is the farthest thing from true." "I don't care." "Oh, no, no, no." "You are not going back out on that dance floor." " R.J.?" " I know what you're doing, slut." "I saw you." "I saw you with R.J.!" " So?" "We were just dancing." "Right?" "You think I'm stupid?" "You're gonna back off now." " You know what's sad?" "A girl who can't move on when she's been dumped." "He didn't dump me!" "OK, first with the lap dance, now with the cat fight." "Hey, you wanna get drunk and barf next?" "Let go of me." "This isn't finished." "I'll never let you have him, bitch." "R.J. is mine." "I mean it!" "Stay away from him!" " Well, at least someone agrees you shouldn't be dating this guy." " How 'bout if you try doing your own homework for a change?" "No more getting these young, impressionable women to do it for you." "Avoid detention, R.J. Sound good?" " Whatever." " Oh, sweet infectious enthusiasm." " Whoa." "Hang on there, slappy." "I'm not done with you yet." " Oh, man." "Like it's not bad enough I got that guy riding my back all the time." "Now I gotta deal with you, too?" " Actually, I'm a bit more formidable than Mr. Wood." "You might come to look fondly on his back-riding." " Yeah, but come on..." " Sit." "Hey, I told him I was sorry about the homework." " Mmm... not the homework, Mr. Wizard." "The girls." "What you're doing to them." "In specific, my sister." " Hey, I didn't do anything to your sister." "And you saw how hot she looked last night." "I think that proved that she..." "Aah!" "No more with the talky." "Look, I know how guys like you work." "You turn on the charm, you get whatever you want, no matter who gets in your way, right?" "OK, look, it's not like that." "I just... get along really well with girls." "Oh, I see how you get along." "Oh, look at me, I'm Mr. Quarterback." "I crush little girls and all their little feelings." "All I have to do is... lead a team of high school athletes trying their best to do a good job." "Everyone depending on me." "That is a lot of pressure." "But it doesn't mean you get to disregard other people's feelings." " It's not like I meant to hurt anyone." "I know." "I know that." "It's just... you're a leader, a captain, OK?" "People look up to you." "You need to keep that in mind when you..." "I bet you run a lot, huh?" "I mean, they work you pretty hard, don't they?" "Yeah, I guess so." "I get that." "I do." "I'm there." "Or at least I was there when I was still in high school." "Which I was, just a couple of years ago, really." "You know, I just realized that I'm basically the same age as you." "I'm not really older at all, actually." "Just like you, but with the sexual experience and stuff." " I think I hear what you're saying." " Um, right, I'm..." "I'm really glad that w-we had this talk, so, uh," "I think you'd better to get back to class." " OK." "Thanks." " Dawn." "You wanna come talk to me?" "Ambush." " I wanted to tell you that I talked to R.J. today." "He's OK." "I think he likes you." "Really?" "Tell me what he said about me... every word... including intonation and facial expressions." "Well, he thinks you're-you're funny and-and pretty and interesting." "Didn't have a thing to say against you." " Yes, he did." "I can tell." "The tiniest thing." "He might have said that you came on a little strong." " Oh, my God!" "I'm the pushy queen of slut town." " No, honey, honey, not at all." "No, no." "It's just...you know, lay back a little." "Let him come to you." " I'm just scared that while I'm laying back, some other girl's gonna come and sweep him up." " But we have inside info." "We know he doesn't like being swept." "He likes to be the sweeper." "Dawn, you're gonna come out the winner here, with me looking out for you." "Yeah, I guess so." "Thank you." " So we do know that, so we can solve for in terms of iso..." " Sorry to interrupt, but we need to see R.J. Brooks down in the guidance office." " There's no one here." "Yeah, there is." "There's one of you, and there's one of me." "You were the one in math class." "Tell me what that adds up to." " I'm not coming on too strong if I just look at him." " I've always been fascinated by football." "So, what's it like to lead a team?" " The thing of it is: the time." "Nobody gets how much time goes into it, with practices and games." " I totally get it." "I was kinda juggling some stuff when I was in high school, too... which was also very recent." "Principal Snyder was always on me." " I still say Wood's the worst." "You haven't seen the way that guy rides me." "I wish somebody'd get him off my back." " Yeah, that would be cool." " And sometimes, I didn't even do anything wrong..." " You're like a teacher." "Not really." "But, I mean, does it bother you?" " Not so much." " Dawn?" "What's wrong?" "Is this..." "Did that guy in the jacket..." "Uh!" "I don't even want to hear his name anymore!" " I just called him "that guy in the jacket"." " That's what I used to call him in my head before I knew his real name!" " Dawnie, honey, you seem extremely perturbed." "Maybe I should go get Buffy..." " No!" "I don't ever want to see her again." " I thought that was about that guy in the... um, that guy with the thing." "No, it's about both of them." " Buffy, I think Dawn needs y..." "Uuh!" " Dawn, please stop crying." "Please?" "Crying isn't going to make his love for me go away, you know." " Listen, you're under a love spell." "That's what this has to be." "You're right." "He's right." "You're under a spell." "Oh, poor little Dawnie." " But we're working on it." "It'll be better soon." " Yes." "Soon neither one of you will be in love with this boy." " He's not a boy." " What do you know about our love?" "It's true and real." "This isn't magic." "This is my heart." " Fine." " We'll be working." " Look, I know this feels terrible, but it isn't real." "Try to hold onto that." " Did you hear that?" "It isn't real." "You're just crazy." " It is so real!" "I love him." "You knew how I felt... like I finally found something, and you betrayed me." " I betrayed you?" "You're the one that constructed this elaborate fantasy about you and my lover." "Your lover?" "You're lover!" "Guys..." "Guys..." " I tried to get you to back away." " That's right!" "You lied to me!" " Did you want me to tell you that he's in love with me?" "That your little crush is hopeless?" "It's not a crush!" "Stop." "You're not supposed to do this." " Why?" "Because he's younger than me?" "You know, I'm extremely youthful." "And peppy." "No, because you were the one I trusted." "Dawn, wait!" " Crazy little lust puppies, aren't they?" " Well, at least the yelling went away." "It was starting to sound like Christmas morning with my family." " Love spells." "People forget how dangerous they can be." " Hey, been there..." " Good times." "Here." "Something." " She's locked her door." "That spell has her good and loopy." " Info on one R.J. Brooks." " Oh, lemme see." "Is there a picture?" "Family stuff." "Hey, I knew his brother." "He was a big jock at Sunnydale High too." "Couple years ahead of us." "He used to stick chewing gum in my hair." "Huh." " What're you thinking?" " Well, I think my relationship with R.J.'s brother was complex at best, but... maybe he's a way in." "Now, look for a picture." "I'm just saying, we're...we're tangling with a powerful spell here." "We don't know what the deal is so...so keep an eye out if this guy looks twitchy." "And don't let this guy charm you, either." "He had everyone around him practically kissing his ring back in high school." " Yeah?" " Construction, huh?" "That's awesome." " Yeah." " So, what's up with R.J.?" "How's he doing at the old alpha mater?" "Good." "It's just..." "I know a girl that might be going out with him and I was wondering..." " God, and you want to know if he's a good guy." "Truth is, he's the best." "Following in my footsteps." "You might not know it now, looking at me with a couple of extra pounds, but back then, I was quite the guy." " Yeah, I gather that R.J. is pretty popular, too." " I gotta tell ya." "There was a time I was worried about R.J." "He was into comic books, Model U.N., geek stuff...no offense, Harris." " One time, I found all this poetry under his bed." "Turns out, he wrote it." "Then he, uh...what do you call it?" "Blossomed." "That's what it was like." " And do you have any idea why he, you know, burst into a flower all of a sudd...?" " You're wearing your brother's jacket." "Here, in this picture." " Oh, no, dude." "He's wearing mine." "That jacket was with me all the way through high school." "Gave it to him when I graduated, right before I started over at the Pizza Barn." "I'm in the management program." " So, Lance, where did you get the jacket?" " Oh, dad gave it to me." "Made a big deal about it, too." "How he met mom wearing that jacket." "She was a former Miss Arkansas." "Very hot in her day." "Wow, that's wonderful." "Boy, it's getting late." " Hey, you guys don't have to take off if you don't want too." "I got sort of a rumpus room set up in the basement." "There's air hockey and a mini fridge." "We could party." " Lance?" "Do you have guests down there?" "There's little boxes or raisins if you want snacks." " We really gotta go." "Damn love spell." "I have tried every anti-love spell spell I could find." " Even if you find the right one, the guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love spell spell... spell." "What?" "I'll get it." "Maybe it's Xander with some answers from the brother." " Oh, you have to be..." " I was looking for Buffy." "Miss Summers." " Buffy's not here." "Go away!" " Are you sure?" "No Buffy for you." "Leave quickly now." " Uh-huh." "OK." "Tell her to call me." " Man..." " Good thing Buffy and Dawn are upstairs." "If they knew he was here..." " But you don't even know him!" " Yes, I do." "I looked into him and saw his soul." " He was walking away, so unless his soul was in his ass..." " A.J. is my best friend and my dearest darling..." " It's R.J. And what you were picking up on was his deep caring and devotion to me." " What's going on?" " Willow thinks she's in love with my boyfriend, R.J." " What?" "No!" "You two can't do this." " Willow, you're a gay woman...and he isn't." " This isn't about his physical presence." "It's about his heart." " His physical presence has a penis!" " I can work around it!" " This isn't fair!" "How can you all be doing this to me?" "OK, wait." "Everyone wait." "Just calm down, OK?" "I-I think I know what this is." "Clearly, you've both been affected by the same love spell that got Dawn." " Uh!" "This isn't a spell." "He owns my heart." " Dawn, be quiet." "We're trying to work this out." "We don't need you interfering." " There's a simple answer to this." "Just think about who loves him the most." "Clearly I do, since I'm willing to look past the whole orientation thing." " I need him." " Well, you're gonna have to do better than that..." "I'd kill for him." "You'd kill for a chocolate bar." " No." "Yes!" "Kill for him." "I'm the slayer." "Slayer means kill." "Oh, I'll kill the principal." " Ooh, that is hard to top." " Yeah, well I have skills." "I can prove my love with magic." "Yeah, right." "What're you gonna do...use magic to make him into a girl?" "Damn." " Ooh, I know what he'll like." " Sorry, Dawnie." "You're never gonna get him." " No." "Never." " Oh, Hecate, I call on you." "I humbly ask your will be done." "Hear my request, a simple change, create a daughter from a s..." " Oh, man!" "Now I've gotta start all over." "Hecate hates that." "What the hell are you doing?" "Proving I love R.J. the most!" " Will, honey..." "R.J.'s a guy." "I did notice that, yeah. 'S why I'm doing my spell, 'cause, you know, he doesn't have to be." "Now, hand me back my crystals." "I don't have much time." "Much time before what?" " Before Buffy and Anya and Dawn have a chance to prove that they love R.J. the most." " And how are they gonna do that, exactly?" " Well, Buffy's gonna kill Principal Wood, Any..." " Fine, OK, let's start there." " Hey!" "What are you guys doing?" " Locator spell." "Human variety." "Almost done." "Well, I've got a principal to kill." "What's going on?" "Who are we looking for?" " You realize that Anya's probably seducing R.J. even as we speak." " My God." "You think so?" " Well, I wouldn't put it past her." "She's recently evil, you know." " Well, so am I. Why should I miss out?" "Hey, crazy chicks..." "look." "Dawn?" "Dawn!" " Buffy!" " What were you doing?" "I mean, what is this?" " It doesn't matter." " This is the plan?" "You're gonna steal R.J. by being trisected?" "!" " What am I...gonna compete with you?" "You're older and hotter and have sex that's rough and kill people." "I don't have any of that stuff." "But if I did this then his whole life he'd know there was someone that loved him so much they'd give up their life." " Dawn..." " And it would be true forever." " No guy is worth your life...not ever." " R.J. is." "And don't say he isn't." "Look what you were willing to do." "Dawn, I would give him to you in a second if I could." "That's how much you're scaring me." " But I..." "I thought you wanted him... for you." " Nah." "Well, yeah." "My God, that boy is hot." "Sorry." "I think I might be under a spell here." " I hear ya." " Now, you're sure you understand the plan?" " I think I got it, yeah." " That, my friends, is the smell of sweet, sweet, victory." " Also, burning cotton-poly blend." " Xander, be honest." "You didn't, you know, think about slipping that jacket on just a little bit?" " I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit." " Man, this tool gets his jacket from his brother, who got it from their father, and we'll never know where he got it." "That bites." " Yeah, welcome to the hellmouth, where even outerwear isn't safe." " I can't believe I almost..." " I can't believe I almost..." " It was a spell." "You were helpless." "We're not responsible for anything we did morally or, you know, legally..." " True." "You fell for a mystical, ancient curse." "Who hasn't made that mistake seven, eight times?" " You hear that?" "Not your fault." "I'm just so... the way I acted, the way I talked to you." "I feel so stupid." "All over a spell." " Get ready to feel even stupider when it's not." " Hey, Anya, you never told us what you can't believe you almost." "Almost who, now?" " No, you can't be the only not embarrassed one." "What did you do?" "I, uh, wrote a poem." "An epic poem... comparing him to a daisy and a tower and a lake." "And now the latest on Sunnydale's late-night bandit who is still at large." "A masked thief held up a number of large businesses..." "OK, great, ice cream." "My treat." "SUBTITLE BY BIGMARIUS"