" Hey, Chris." " Hmm?" "Huh?" " Hear anything?" " No, sir." "I didn't hear nothin', Mr. Clark." "Don't hear nothin'?" "You're deaf then." "Nothin's come around here while I'm on the job." "You're lettin' him sneak up on us here." "Interferin' with the freedom of the press." " Give me that gun." " I wasn't sleeping'." "I was just sort of playin' possum." "Gettin' so a man can't get out his editorials around here... without him sticking' his bill in." "Don't see him anywhere, do ya?" "Huh?" " There he is!" " Is that him?" "I'm gonna miss him so close this time, I'll bet ya he don't come back anymore." "There he goes." "He's sure hightailin' it away now." "He won't be back." "Kenesaw Clark, you leave that jaybird alone!" "Oh, uh-Well, hello!" "Hello, Miss Ida." "How are you?" "You stop that shootin' and scaring' people half out of their wits." "Oh, well, Miss Ida, that old jaybird's makin' so much noise here... that, uh, Chris just William Tell'd him." "My land!" "Can't let a little jaybird hardly open its mouth." "Well, you know how it is, Miss Ida, with us writing' folks." "We don't get much compensation." "About all we get is just the right to act about half-cracked." "Half-cracked?" "Hmph!" "If I hadn't lived next door to you for 20 years, I'd say you were all cracked." "Now, you let that jaybird alone!" "Miss Ida's got her dander up." "She don't mean nothin' though." "Say, listen here... you hustle out and see if you can't collect some money... for some subscriptions around here." "People keep ordering' my paper." "Oughta be worth somethin'." "Oh, yes, sir." "Gonna get back to first principles here." "You just keep on hollerin' up there." "I'm just gonna- David and Goliath now." "Thank you, kind sir." "Hey, how about a little drive tonight?" "You know schoolmarms aren't allowed out except on Friday and Saturday nights." " Oh, who'd find out?" " Nobody, because I'm not going." "Besides, I have some examination papers to correct." "I'm gonna tell the old man to look for a new teacher." "No." "No, you can't do that." " Why not?" "You're gonna marry me, aren't you?" " Well" "Oh, excuse me." "I, uh" "I'm just out here prowling' around, hiding' from Miss Ida." "I'm tryin' to get out of here." " What's the matter?" "Jaybirds again?" " Yeah." "See ya tomorrow, Adele." "So long, old-timer." "''Old-timer." Fresh thing." "Young folks ain't got any respect for their elders anymore." "Don't include me in that." "Say, ain't there some kind of law in this town... where a schoolteacher's not supposed to go out... with every Tom, Dick and..." "Joe?" "It's only in the dark we aren't trusted." "I don't know nothin' about it, but, uh" "I'm just warning' ya." "Mr. Ken?" "Hmm?" "What's your honest opinion of Joe Abercrombie?" "Well, he's got awful pretty white teeth." "Be serious." "He's asked me to marry him." "You gonna do it?" "Oh, Joe's all right, but I don't know." "Well, you're gonna inherit a lot of great kinfolks." "You don't think much of his father, do you?" "Oh, I don't know. I" "The old colonel's all right, I guess." "Kind of egotistical." "He may not exactly admit that he's responsible for the rains we've been havin'... but I think he'll tell you that it was his original idea." "Still, you haven't answered my question about Joe." "Now, listen, I don't look any too bright... but givin' advice to the lovelorn ain't one of my weaknesses." "Joe's all right." "Besides, he might grow up to be like his father." "Kenesaw, you come back here!" "Kenesaw Clark!" "The old boy's getting better all the time." "Listen to this." "''This morning, I ate nine biscuits and seven sausages for breakfast." "If I had been worth a million dollars, I couldn't have held another bite."" " Hello, Ken." " Howdy, Ken." "Well, I hope I'm not disturbing you boys." "Oh, no." "Just looking over the stuff you wrote for next week's column." " Mmm." "There's plenty of truth in this one too, Ken." " What?" "''At 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us." "''At 30, we worry about what it thinks of us." "At 40, we're sure it doesn't think of us."" "That's hittin'the nail on the head." "You boys oughta be good critics." "I hope the paying' subscribers like it that well." "He means you!" "Say, here's one." "Let's see if this hits the nail on the head." "''Loafing in a print shop... ''has got sleeping' at home beat all holler." "You don't have to send the sheets to the laundry."" " Uh-oh." "I get it." " Which way out?" "Don't mean us, do you, Ken?" "Oh, no, no." "I didn't mean you." "You boys don't loaf here." "You don't loaf here." "You live here." "You reckon you can do any better with an ax?" "You ain't gettin' along so fast here." "You're goin' back." "You're gettin' old." "Blamed ol' termite." "Come on." "Get out." "Come on." "What's the matter here?" "My Lord." "Here, here." "How'd you ever go to enough effort to get it in there anyhow?" "You can gnaw away more wood than a badger can." "Come on." "With all that fur on your face... you're beginning to look like a badger anyhow." "Yeah." "Them concrete houses are gonna give you" " Hello, Kenesaw." " Well!" "If It ain't Tom Cotton." "I ain't seen ya since the cows come home." "Well, I thought I'd bring in my subscription, Kenesaw, while I was able." "You ain't thinkin' about dyin' again, are you?" "Well, none of us knows when the call's comin'." "I'm hopin' to be prepared." "That's all." "Well, you come to the wrong fella to talk about dying." "Take me now." "I'm just beginning to live." "It's all right enough for you to say, but I'm pushin' 60." "Ah, 60!" "Why, you're just now ready for your first mint of long pants." "Wait a minute." "Here, don't sit down." " What's the matter?" " Old T.'s been in here... and he might've gnawed a leg off of that chair." "Go ahead." "It's all right." "This is- This is no laughin' matter, Kenesaw." "That's the reason I came to you." "Let me sweep up here a little bit." "Can't tell whether you're in a printing' shop or lumberyard." "I'm thinkin' that you'd help me fix up my last will and testament... so as my children can't make fools of themselves after I'm gone." "I suppose they've always done everything that you wanted 'em to do." "No, they haven't." "That's the trouble." "Never could do anything with 'em." "Oh." "You can't do anything with 'em while you're livin'... and you wanna control 'em after you're dead." " Is that it?" " Well, I know they're not gonna waste my money when I'm gone." "Oh, yeah?" "Looks like the government tax makers... is gonna fix it so you ain't gonna have to worry about that." "Oh, it's got so I can't sleep nights just thinkin' about it." "Hey, ain't you the fella... that, when we was boys in school together... used to always be talkin' about you was gonna get a lot of fun out of life?" "Well, I've been too busy." "And once you get started, it ain't so easy as you think." "I'm not the only one." "There are thousands like me." " Somebody's got to run the world." " Ah!" "''Run the world" my granny." "You rich men is all alike." "You spend all your life makin' some money... and then you get old and you don't know what to do with it." "Hey, uh, maybe you're right, Kenesaw." "Ah, but even so, it's too late now." "I-I'm too old a dog to learn new tricks." "What could I do at my age?" "Lots of things." "You can get yourself some fancy britches... go out and court some widow that's just itchin'... to help some old man spend his money." "Well, uh, do you think that would be fair to my children?" " You started from scratch, didn't ya?" " Yes." "Well, then you wanna give them just as good a chance as you had." "You don't wanna dump all that money in their laps... and spoil all their ambition." "Make lapdogs out of'em." "Well, uh, you may be right, Kenesaw." "But I don't know." "Say, would it be all right... about that widow business?" "Who knows?" "Who cares?" "I've heard that, uh... you can have a lot of fun with a widow." "Well, I'll be on my way." "So long, Kenesaw." "So long." "Hi, Colonel, old boy." "Oh, hello." "Hello, Colonel." "Come right on in." " Hello, Mr. Clark." " How are ya?" "Say, I was just talkin' about you not 10 minutes ago." "Well, I hope your estimate of myself... was not too caustic, Mr. Editor." "Oh, no, no, no." "I was, uh... just talkin' about that speech you made up at the state bankers' convention." " Uh-huh." " Great stuff." "You can't, uh" "You can't go wrong defendin' the American Constitution." "We've got to get back to first principles, Mr. Clark." "Well, that's great- great stuff." "Hop on the bandwagon with the founding fathers." "Yeah." "I, uh" "I brought you over a small item for the press." "I thought perhaps the community might be interested" "In knowing that you had offered yourself for reelection... as head of our school board." " Yes, that's right." " Well, what about the annual outing?" "There's nothing that the voters like better than a free meal." "Well, uh, I'm arranging that." "However, this time..." "I'm goin' to encourage one of our leading industries- hog raising." "In other words, I propose a hog show... to select the winner for the county fair." " Oh, hogs, huh?" "Mmm." " Mm-hmm." "Sure, I'll see that hogs gets on the front page." "Yes." "Thank you." "Thank you, Mr. " " Yes, well, good day, Mr. Clark." "Good day." " Good day." " Here are the subscriptions." " What's all this mess you got here?" "Well, the lady said you'd have to take these... on account of they haven't got any change in the house." "You can't take these down to the bank and pay off that mortgage." "Hey!" "Catch 'em!" "Don't let 'em get away!" "Hey, where's the other one?" "Where'd he go?" " He was headin' over here." " Chick, chick!" "Chick, chick, chick!" "Chick, chick!" "Chickie!" "Chick, chick!" "Chick, chick!" "Hello." "Is that you, Lee Austin?" "Come out of there." "What are you fixin' to do, get yourself in some more trouble?" " You oughta know what I'm gonna do." " Well, here." " Forget it, whatever it was." " But I" "Now, listen." "You come on home with me and get somethin' to eat." "Let's talk this thing over." "Come on." "Son, if you wanna make good batter cakes... you got to have your batter just right." "You must always stir from left to right." "That's what makes it just as light as a feather on a baby goose." "Now, if you stir from right to left, that's where those heavy babies come from." "Then you- Then you toss 'em just so." "Not too much." "Just-Just flip, easy-like, and meet 'em comin' down." "Don't ever meet 'em goin' up." "That's what spoils their disposition, see?" "Now, that's what you call technique." "Yes, sir." "There's mighty few men and no women at all can do that." "Here." "Now, get yourself some butter on those... and, uh, then just smother 'em... till they practically drown in that good molasses." "And the deliciousness will just ooze out of'em." "And from then on, they'll do their own advertising'." "Drink coffee?" "You don't understand about tonight." "I didn't ask you any questions at all." "I was gonna make him tell the truth, or kill him." "A couple of first-class funerals would do this town a lot of good... but shooting' people's not the way to initiate it." "You know what he did to me." "Well, I wouldn't be too hard on the colonel." "No." "It did look kind of suspicious." "You was workin' in the bank, and all that money disappeared." " And you can't say you didn't get a fair trial." " But I tell ya, I wasn't guilty!" "Then you got nothin' to worry about, son." "That's a laugh." "I've been in jail." "I'm branded as a convict." "My whole life is ruined." "Your life is ruined." "What do you know about Life?" "You haven't started to Live yet." "Every minute I was in there, I thought of only one thing- to get him and that lying son of his." "You didn't deny bein' in the bank that night." "I tell you, I was framed!" "All right, now, come on." "Quiet down." "Sit down and eat your cakes there before they get cold." "Come on." "Why didn't they question Joe?" "He worked in the bank same as I did." "Why don't you stick around here and see how people act?" "You know, there ain't nothin' that'll upset a guilty conscience... like an innocent man's presence." "I've got a fine chance proving it." "Oh, who knows?" "Maybe some new evidence will pop up." "But what could I do?" "Who'd give me a job?" "Ain't a finer business in the world than the printing' business." "Kind of lonesome here." "Got lots of room." "Whoo-hoo!" "Boo-hoo!" "Boo-hoo!" "Come on in." "We had some strawberry shortcake for supper, and Miss Ida thought you might like" "Oh, uh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything." "Nobody but yourself." "Here." "Meet" "This is, uh-This is my helper, Lee Austin." " You remember him." " Oh, yes." "That is, uh, I've heard of him." " Hello." " Hello." "Don't be afraid of her, Lee." "She's, uh- She's just a schoolteacher." "Just come here from out of town about the time that you left." "Her name's Del Anderson." "Folks say that she's not so popular with these town girls." "Say, did you ever" " Did you ever eat one of my batter cakes?" " Why, yes, of course." " Well, you're gonna eat one now." "Wait a minute." "Sit right here where there's clean plates." "Come on." "Hustle around here and help fix up-Wait on her there now." "I've got to run over to Miss Ida's." "They tell me she's been feedin' that jaybird just to spite me." " Well, I can't stay but a minute." " I'll be right back." "Let me get you some coffee." "I'm really not very hungry." "Well, it's risky business." "You know how the folks in this town talk." "Ida, you and I are old enough, we don't have to care what they say." "Speak for yourself, Kenesaw Clark." "I never did like the way them Abercrombies stirred up sentiment." "Lee" " I knew his folks..." "before they died." "Awful fine people." "Never was a finer man ever lived than Lee's father." "Mmm." "I know, but after three years, you'd a-think... something would have turned up if he was innocent." "After they sent him to jail, why, folks figured the case was settled." "Well, I don't see any good in reopening it now." "Well, maybe not." "Ain't no harm, though, in nosing' around... seein' what we can find out." "Besides, that's what a newspaperman's for- to get out the truth every once in a while." "I, uh" " I think with you, me... and Del behind him, he's gonna be all right." "Now, see here." "Don't go so fast about Del." "It's all right about us, but that girl was entrusted to my care... and I'm morally responsible for her." "And I'm not a-gonna bring her into this." "Looks like, uh, the case has been taken out of your hands." "Well!" "I had to tell you." "I'm not a very desirable neighbor." "Mr. Ken offered you a job, didn't he?" "Yes, but he's different." "And he asked you to live here?" "Well, even I couldn't hurt a reputation like his." "Oh." "So you think my reputation is so shaky... that being friends with you would ruin it." " Oh, I didn't mean that." " Well, then, don't intimate it." "Do you have to stand up?" "Come on!" "Sing." "Falsetto, Off-key]" "Say, you know, you don't get that part right right in there." "These kids don't- They sing it too low anyhow." "I didn't even take the pipe out of my mouth to sing that time." "Well, I knew you had somethin' in your mouth." "Was that was that was?" "Is that so?" "Well, you- Listen here." "You started it." "Let's see." "Well, all right." " That's what I'm talkin' about." "Get it higher." " Higher?" "Of course, you've got it pretty high there... but you ain't gonna lick me at that." "Don't tell me about singing." " My land!" " I should be on that wagon." "Get a crack at that song out there." "Here, you're just in time." "Open this for me." "Mmm." " Where's your can opener?" " Over there." "You know, the American eagle... ought not to be our national emblem." "Oughta be a can opener." " Where is it?" " On the wall." " I don't see it." " Here, right In front of you." "Oh, this thing here?" "Well, what in the world- How do you" "The man that invented this thing was public enemy number one." "I can think of no quicker way of starving' this country to death... than to invent a can opener that nobody knows how to work." "You know anything about the thing?" "Why, of course." "Here, give it to me." "You men." "You can't do anything." "There." "Well, what do you know about that now?" "Crazy thing did work at that." "Thought you were gonna walk home from church with Miss Ida." "Well, she went to the missionary meeting'... to help feed the heathens." "Americans'll feed everybody that don't live close to 'em." "Here, make yourself useful." "Put some of these things in that basket." " Where's Lee?" " Oh, Lee's been primpin' since daylight." "I think he's puttin' some hair oil on too." "Hey, that's a pretty dress you got on there." "Hmm?" "Kind of fancy to be wearin' to a picnic, ain't it?" " You like it?" " Mm-hmm." "An awfully nice horse gave it to me." "What do you mean, a horse?" "You won't tell?" "Well, the other day, Joe Abercrombie persuaded me... to bet three dollars on a horse race in Louisville." " And the horse won." " Yeah?" "Is Joe, uh, a betting' man?" " Joe bets almost every day." " Oh, is that so?" "Why, he almost won $30,000 about three years ago." "$30,000?" "Mm-hmm." "But he said the race was crooked." "He lost instead." "I hurried just as fast as I could." "But that preacher got off on old folks' problems, and you know how he is." "Good land." "To hear him talk... you'd think us people of 40 are ready for the boneyard." "Miss Ida, you don't look a day older than you did 20 years ago." "A little-You've broadened." "Here, use this on him, Miss Ida." "Oh, it doesn't bother me any." "I wouldn't starve myself to death for anybody." " I'm sorry I'm late." " Oh?" "Miss Ida says anybody that eats has to work for it." "Squeeze some orange juice and put it in a thermos bottle." "Mmm, that looks good." "I'm practically starved." " Nothin' like a good appetite." " You always could eat." "My old daddy worked hisself into the grave... before he was 50 just tryin' to make enough to feed us kids on." "Well, I can well believe that." "You don't catch me workin' that hard." "I've got an electric stove and a washing' machine and a mixer and" "Why, everything in here runs by electricity." "All I have to do is just press a button, and my work's done." "Yeah." "With everything working' by machinery... the American born a hundred years from now won't have any head or arms or legs." "You'll just have a thumb just to push a button with." " What?" "No arms?" " No arms?" " Maybe I'm wrong." " Give me the good old romantic days." " Me too." " You children are livin' in the greatest age in history... and you haven't got sense enough to see it." "Well, one advantage I'll admit." "Years ago, women weren't supposed to have minds." "What do you mean, years ago?" "Why, the machine age has given us women leisure and time to think." "Yeah?" "Well, what do you think?" "Oh!" "Well, I think it's about time... we were gettin' to this picnic if we're ever going." "Nothing in the world makes me so hungry as sitting' in church for three hours." "Here, Lee." "Take this thing out to the car." "You all monkeyed around here so long, I've lost my appetite." "Wait a minute!" "Hey, hold it!" " Mr. Ken, I know it's none of my business, but" " What?" "These people paying you with chickens and rabbits" "That's pretty poor pay for writing." "Pretty poor writing' too." "No, it's not." "And I've got an idea... you can make more money with this paper." "I should entertain a proposition like that." "Mr. Ken, let me tackle these advertisers, will ya?" "Sure." "I'll tell ya, I'll make you general manager." "Give you any other title you want." "All right then." "The first thing I'm gonna do is get rid of these loafers." " I'll begin with T. Watterson Meriwhether." " Hey, hey." "Old T?" "Can't get along without old T." "He's one of the best antiques we've got in this town." "You know, he solved a problem that all the world... outside of China, is searching' for." " What's that?" " How to relax." "He certainly has." "Why, it just quiets my nerves just to look at him." "He's not relaxed." "He's asleep." "Well, he- He does 'em both alike anyhow." "Hey, hey." "Come on." "Wake up." "It's gettin' late." "Come on here!" "Wake up!" "Wake up!" "Get on home here." "Come on." "Gonna close up." "Go on home and do your relaxing'." "It's gettin' dark." "Must've dropped off for a minute." "Yeah, you certainly did." "You've been asleep here for a long time." " Well, good night." " Good night." "Hey, wait a minute." "You better take this flashlight with you here... so you can see your way home." "Thanks, Kenesaw." "I'll return this to you tomorrow... if I don't get tied up." " Good night, gentlemen." " Good" " Good night, gentlemen." " Good night." "Pleasant dreams, Colonel." "Why don't you turn on your lights?" "What's the matter with ya?" " That's disgusting." " Drunk again." "He oughta be locked up." "Well, good day, gentlemen." "What can I do for you?" "Clark, I want a word with you in private." "Private?" "Anything you wanna say to me... you can say it before this- my partner here." " I'll step outside a minute." " No, you won't." "You'll stay right here." "What is it?" "We think, that in taking this young man into your employ, that you've gone too far." "What's your objections?" " He's a thief and a convict." " That's right." " Why, you" " Now, here, here." "Now, wait a minute now, Lee." "Let me" " Let me take care of this thing." "Now, you was sayin'?" "I was sayin' I won't put up with it- your flaunting him in the face of the decent... law-abiding citizens of this community." "He stole once." "There's no proof he won't do it again... if he's coddled and protected by people like you." "Now, suppose you run your bank, and I'll run my paper." "Your paper." "Listen here, young man." "If I was you..." "I'd stay out of this just as long as I could." "Now, you, Colonel." "Now, we're just supposing'." "Now, supposing' it was your boy Joe here... that was, uh, tryin' to come back?" "My son would never find himself in such a position." "Well, maybe not." "Maybe not." "But we're just supposing', you know?" "In the bank, there's a lot of money." "It's a big temptation." "You old windbag!" "Are you trying to insinuate that I had anything to do with stealing that money?" "You heard me say that I was just supposing'." "Now, that's about all, Clark." "Either he goes, or you go!" " You mean that?" " Yes!" "I lent you a lot of money to put in this new machinery... this Linotype here, and I've been mighty easy with ya... letting it run on month after month." "Well, you know good and well that as soon as I'm able" "Unless you get rid of this man, I shall have to demand immediate payment." "Well, looks to me, Colonel... like you're in the newspaper business." " You can't do that, Mr. Kenesaw." " Now, now." "When we're licked, we'll just as well admit it." "Well, when do you-When do you figure on takin' the place over?" "My son Joe will take over immediately." "Oh, Joe, huh?" "Anytime you have any news for the paper, let me know." "News for the paper, huh?" "Get your hat, son." "Mr. Kenesaw, there's no sense in your doing a thing like this." "Forget about it." "Forget about it." "What this town always needed anyhow is a good opposition paper." " I think I know a fella who's gonna start one." " Who?" "I've got an old Washington hand press up in my attic... that I started with 34 years ago." "You mean that maybe you'll be the one" "You know what I'd call the paper?" "I'm gonna call it the Wildcat." "That's it, the Wildcat." "And I'm gonna lay on his doorstep and howl... and then claw him when he comes out." "That's the name it's gonna be- the Wildcat." "Traditional]" "Kelly Cotton telephoned that her cousin Ellie Crabtree Thursday'd in our midst." "Ah, ''in our midst." That's old-time newspaper stuff." "''In our midst" don't get you anywhere." "You've got to tell what scandal they got into while they was in our midst." "If you was a good newspaper woman... you'd hustle around here and find out who's gonna have a blessed event in our midst." "Uh-huh?" "Well, I'm not prowling around in other people's private affairs." "Don't have to." "You're a woman, ain't ya?" "Just keep your eyes open." "Well, maybe you'll think this is news." "Tom Cotton's elopin' with that widow." "What do you know about that?" "I wonder who put that idea in that old fool's head?" "Go ahead, now, and give 'em all the adjectives you got there... because he's gonna deserve 'em when he starts in on that high livin'." "Mr. Ken, did you write this copy in the dark?" "I never saw so many misspelled words in my life." "Yeah?" "Well, you don't have to worry about that." "When I first started in the newspaper business..." "I misspelled a word, everybody said it was just pure ignorance." "But when you misspell all of'em, they accuse you of being a humorist... say you're quaint." " I got some paper." " Great!" "Got it from the butcher." "He said it was so hot, nobody's eating meat now anyway." " Did you get it?" " Yeah, I done just like you said." "I waited till he had his mouth shut, and I went click." "Good." "That's great." "Say, listen... will you run up to the county seat with that and see if you can get a cut made?" "We're gonna show 'em some real newspaperin' around here." " Sure." " I could drive him up." "That is, if Miss Ida'd let us have her car." " Oh, now, that car's not used to long trips." " It's only 18 miles." "Oh, don't argue about it." "Come on." "Come on." "Let's get goin'." " Get goin'." "Hurry up now." "Hurry up." " Now, see here, Kenesaw." " What do you mean by sendin' that" " Aw, boo." "Well!" "Oh, say, by the way, you might phone over to Mr. Abercrombie... and tell him you have the following social note for him." "''Lee and Del Wednesday'd in the county seat."" " You're just achin' to stir up some trouble, aren't ya?" "No, not aching', but it would be a pleasure." "I guess you know I think it's pretty swell of you folks taking me in like this." " Oh, stop it, Lee." " How can I?" "Just because Mr. Ken's been nice to me... they take his paper away from him." "I wonder why the Abercrombies are so bitter?" "That's what I'd like to know." "Well, it's mighty funny to me." "I suppose Joe'll be worse than ever now on account of you." " On account of me?" " Well, he's in love with you, isn't he?" "Well, he's asked me to marry him if that's any proof of love." "Are you going to?" "Well, I don't know." "Let's see, Monday" " No." "I'm really gonna be awfully busy next" "I'd rather see you dead first." "Why, Lee!" "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." "Kenesaw Clark is behind this!" "You mean Lee Austin." "He probably put Clark up to it." "That Meriwhether!" "That moron!" "That loafer!" "That ignoramus!" "Head of the schools!" "All three of'em oughta be run out of town." "Well, I'll be reelected if I spend every penny I've got!" "Joe, get busy." "Get word out in the paper... that every living soul in this district is invited to my hog party." "I" " Never mind." "I'll write the copy myself." "Here, give me some paper." "You got any paper here?" "Well!" "That one there." "Uh" " Have you got a pen?" "I'll show them who they're dealing with." "Take that!" "Stop it!" "Wait a minute, Ma!" "So that's the way you make a fool of yourself away from home!" "There must be some mistake." "Callin' Colonel Abercrombie a jackass, and him head of the bank." "Why, I never called nobody a jackass." "I guess I can read, can't I?" "It's right there on the front page with your picture." "Didn't even have sense enough to keep your eyes open." " What am I gonna do?" " Do?" "You're a man, ain't ya?" "You go up there and whup that Kenesaw Clark within an inch of his life." "Then go around and tell Colonel Abercrombie the truth." "That's what you'll do." "Aw, but" " Don't you think that" " Are you gonna go?" " I'll go!" "I'll go!" "Well, git then!" "Well, T., looks like you woke the town up to some real excitement." " You can count on me!" " Congratulations, T!" "A lot of folks in this town feel the same as you do... but they haven't got nerve enough to say so." " You'll get my vote." " You hand it to 'im, T." " I hope you win." " I always knew it ain't right for a man to hold a job too long." "I wanna shake your hand." " You son of a gun, you!" " You're all right!" "Mr. Clark!" "Mr. Clark!" " What Is It?" "What's the matter?" " He's coming." " Who's coming?" "What?" " Old Meriwhether's coming." " What about it?" " He's got a horse whip." " Oh, I knew it, I knew it!" " Maybe you could cut out through here." " A horse whip?" " You better let me handle him, Mr. Ken." "My Lord." "In the old days, they used to come looking for me with a gun around here." "What's the matter?" "Is this town getting soft?" "He is comin' at that." " Mr. Clark." " Mr. T." "I think you used poor judgment in your choice of photograph." "However, I think the colonel's in for a scrap." "Well, of all things, he believes it himself." "I think you're- I think you're right about that, Major." "Yes." "Major." "The first thing we gotta do is offset this show of the colonel's." "Sink his navy like we did at Manila and then pursue him into the hills." " What would you suggest?" " Well" "Now, we gotta have somethin' with some zip." "Now, if it was a dance" " Or may" " If you don't mind." "Or an all-day singing" "Of course, if I was down home, I'd say a hog-calling contest." " Hog calling?" " Yes." "Used to be the champion in the county." "Listen to this." "Pig, pig, pig, pig, pig, pig, pig, pig!" "That's all." "No." "He's all right." "Thanks." " All right." " Nobody but" "Hog calling', huh?" "Say, do you, uh- Do you think that you could, uh... round up some of your kinfolks with a call like that?" "My folks are a clannish people." "They'll come when I call 'em." "Sir, it looks like I picked the right candidate again." "Put her there." "Pig!" " Pig, pig, pig!" " Say, you're good too." "Pig, pig, pig!" "That's as fine a lot of potential hams as I've ever seen." " How do you do, Colonel?" " How do you do?" "How do you do?" " Your little girl?" " Yeah, my daughter." "Well, well, well." " Here, my dear." "There's a penny for you." " What do you say?" " Thank you." " We'll see this one here." "I think I'm capable of choosing my own friends, Joe." "If I happen to like Lee Austin, that's my business." "You know what he's done." "You're just getting yourself talked about, and I don't like it." "How does it affect you?" "Well, we're practically engaged, aren't we?" " Are we?" " Besides, you're getting yourself in bad with my father." "Oh, I suppose he thinks I might be corrupting the morals of the pupils." "Anytime your father wants to get a new teacher, it's all right with me." " Now, listen" " I've heard enough." "What are we doin' way over here?" "Why don't we go down there where the pigs are?" " We'll go down there in a minute." " Here comes T." "Come on!" "Well, my land!" "Will you look at that?" "We're all here, I guess." "This is Pappy comin' here." " He's in charge." " Hello, Mr. Clark." "How are you?" "Come on up, folks, and meet Mr. Clark." "I was talkin' to T. here about the contest... and I told him we'd better get set on the technique." " Technique?" " That's what it takes." "You take a little pig, you gotta call 'im high." "Uh, Effie, show 'em what I mean." "Pig!" "Pig, pig, pig!" "Now, an old sow, though, she won't answer to nothin' but a call halfway in between." "Hank, show your stuff." "Pig!" "Pig, pig!" "But when it comes to a boar, that's when you gotta hit it." " Luke, you got it?" " Yes, sir." "Pig!" "Pig, pig, pig!" "There you are, Now, which you wanna use?" "Well, uh, if the other two ain't too busy... we might use all three of'em." "The final judging!" "Before we come to the final judging..." "I've been asked to remind you of a political problem which has developed in our midst... and to which I unfortunately am a party." "Pig, pig, pig!" "Pig, pig, pig!" "Pigs will be pigs." "As I was saying, you may not realize it... but you and your children have been subjected to an insult... never before offered to a moral and a spiritual people." "I" "Pig, pig, pig, pig!" "My friends, I am referring to... the character and person of the candidate... who is opposing me in this campaign." "If you think this is funny, I don't!" "This is no joke!" "Go see who's making those noises!" "Clear out!" "My friends, I stand before you... as this interloper's ''impregnable" foe... as your challenge to backwardness." "I call upon you" "I got myself a piece of pork here." " Why didn't you get a big one?" "You never do anything right." " Hang on!" "This is Kenesaw Clark's work." "I'll shoot him on sight, like a dog!" "I'll get him for this if it's the last thing I do!" "Only blood can wash away the wrong he's done me." "I hear Kenesaw's making the same kind of threats against you." "I shall be prepared for him." " That means you're gonna shoot him on sight?" " Such is my intention." " What do you want?" " Nothing much, son." "I'd just like to look through some of your old back issues of the Citizen." "Well, you know where they are." "Won't take me but a minute." "I'm lookin' for a little social item was in the paper... along about the time that Lee took that money." "Then he admits taking it?" "Well, he don't exactly admit it... but I haven't heard him denying it lately." "You know, if I remember right... your testimony was mighty damaging' to him." " He's the only one that could've done it." " Yeah." "Yeah." "I guess that's right." "Yep, money's awful tempting' to young folks." "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" "Get up!" "Look out there!" " Oh, let go!" " Wait a minute, please." "Got the thing here" "Meddling" " Get outta here!" "Go on!" "What's the date that money was found missing'?" "March 5, 1932." " Huh?" " March 5, 1932." "Wish I had a memory like that." " Much obliged, Joe." " Find what you wanted?" "I wouldn't be surprised." " Hey, wake up." " Pig, pig, pig, pig, pig!" "''Pig, pig." Come on." "Wake up." "Get outta here." "Go on." "Typical candidate." "Well, Ken, has the colonel fired on you yet?" "That old blowhard wouldn't fire on nobody." "You're not afraid of him, are you, Ken?" "Listen here." "When my honor's involved, I lose all sense of fear or reason." " Well, the colonel says he's gonna get ya." " Yeah?" " The only way he'd get anybody is with a mortgage." "Well, you better look out." "There's plenty bad blood in that colonel." " And when I spill some of it, he won't be so bad either." " Uh-huh." "Better come with me, T." " Just leave him to us." " Uh-huh." "Well, you can always depend on me." "Look" "Go on." "Drive around the block." "Much obliged." " Are you all right, Ken?" " Did he hit ya?" " Nowhere that I can see." " We sure made him take to cover." " Where is he?" " He's gone." " Yeah?" "Where?" " Around the corner a mile a minute." "It's a good thing for him." "Come on, T. We'd better get home." "What'd you mean by sayin' before them men that we made him take off?" "Well, we was together, and I" "Colonel, I call on you for a truce... to discuss ways and means of fighting' this thing out." "Well, you won't shoot if I consent?" "I got nothin' to shoot with but an old pipe here." "Oh." "Well, I'm unarmed myself." "Well, then, looks like we can trust each other." "Look here, Colonel." "We can't go on like this, meeting' on every corner." "It's gettin' so I can't turn a corner here in town without running' onto you." "I propose that we settle this Like gentlemen settle anything- with a duel." " As the challenged party" " Wait a minute." "You're the one challenged me." "I'm the one to name the weapons." " As you wish, sir." " All right." "I'll name pistols." "And we'll meet in the old grove at daylight." " At your service, sir." " At your service." " Good day, Mr. Kenesaw Clark." " Good day, Colonel Abercrombie." "Now, you're my second." "If anything happens and I shouldn't be able to show up" " Good day, Mr. Clark." " Wait a minute here." "Come here." "I'm gonna meet that old bird, and I'm gonna fight him." "And when I get through, you're gonna be runnin' on both tickets." "Well, I guess we can handle it." " You sent for me, Mr. Clark?" " Yeah." "Say, are you still triflin' with the affections... of that girl over there at Colonel Abercrombie's?" "I'm not trifling." " Is she trifling with you?" " Yes" " Uh, no, s" " I don't think so." " Mm-hmm." " You're both serious, huh?" " Why, ye" "No." "No-Yes, sir." "Do you think you could get her to do somethin' for ya?" "Oh, sure." "My Olga'll do anything for me." "Practically." "Here." "Here's what I want you to get her to do." "Now these old bullets won't kill anybody." " You through yet?" " Almost." "Look, Olga." "When he shoots 'em now, all they'll do is just go" "But hurry." "He may come back." "Okay, okay." "Olg, are you triflin' with me?" " Oh, Chris!" " It's a good thing." "Oh." " Howdy, Ken." "We're all ready." " Let's go, Doc." "Hurry up there, T. Come on." "Let's see that gun here." "I wanna be sure that all those are blanks." "I'll bet the colonel's scared speechless right this minute." "I think that's him coming now." " Are you all set, T?" " I'm set." "Now, listen here." "Keep your eyes open now." "And the minute I shoot, you get busy with these tomatoes." "Don't worry." "I'll be ready." " You know what you're supposed to do?" " Yes, sir." "There's the can." " Run over there, and be quiet." " Here's your gun." "Stand back." "Nice shootin', Ken." "Oh, well, hello, Colonel." "I didn't know you was here." "I was just doin' a little practicing'." "W-W-Whenever you're ready, sir." "I'm ready now." "Is Joe acting for you?" " He is, sir." " Well, Lee here is acting for me." "Charlie is the referee, and the doctor here will give you any aid possible." "Well, he won't be needed for me." " I wouldn't take that coat off if I was you." " Why?" "'Cause it's awful hard to get it back onto a man when he's layin' down." "We'll see." "Are you ready, gentlemen?" " I'm ready." " I'm re" " I'm ready." " Six paces, I believe." " Yeah." " Remember, six paces- turn and fire." "Ready?" "Go!" "You both missed, gentlemen." "Ready again, please." " Alm." " W-W-Wait a minute." "Wait just a minute." "Just a minute here." "This thing ain't workin' out just exactly like I figured it would." "Somethin' radically wrong here." "Now, here, I wanna talk to you about this." "You didn't take the right number of paces." " You mean to insinuate that I'm cheating?" " I'm not insinuating!" "I'm simply telling you to stay awake!" "And watch what you're doing!" " Don't you yell at me!" " I'll yell at you!" "I want you to stay awake!" "I am awake!" "I am awake!" "Pig!" " Stay awake and watch what you're doin'!" " Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Ready?" "Go!" "Kenesaw, y-you got me." "Well, I didn't mean to." "I was shootin' at your leg." " I forgive you." " That's mighty fine of you, Colonel." "Gentlemen, remember me like this." "Honor" " Honor above self." "Stop it!" "They're making a fool of you!" "Oh, Son, don't laugh at your poor, dying father." "Doctor, I'll bet ya this is the first case... you've lost in the neighborhood by tomatoes." "Huh?" "Tomatoes?" "Joe, this is gonna be a great story for both our papers." "Why, you" "''Colonel Abercrombie Shot by Ripe Tomato"!" "Extra!" "Here you are!" "Read all about It!" "Colonel Abercromble shot with tomato!" " Read all about it here!" "Extra!" " Huh?" "Why, you" "What?" "Hey, come back here with those papers!" " Come back here!" "Come back here with those papers!" "Wait a minute here." "Did it hurt ya?" "Huh?" "What happened anyhow?" "I guess I must've been cuttin' on the wrong limb." "Give me that knife." " Boy, that's a pip." " How do you like this one?" " You dirty rat!" " Hey!" " Hey, Lee, quit that!" " Aw, cut it out!" "Here, here, here, here." "What's this all about?" "I don't know." "He just came in here and piled into me." "And if you ever print another thing like that about Miss Anderson, I'll be back!" "You will, eh?" "You'll come with me." "You've caused enough trouble In this town." "I'll put you where you can cool off." " We'd better phone Kenesaw." " Ken's outta town." " He is?" " Left day before yesterday." "I'll phone Ida." " Hey, there." " Oh, hello, Del." "You certainly picked a fine time to be out of town." "Yeah." "A fellow down at the depot told me all about Lee acting up." "We had a terrible time." "If it hadn't been for Miss Ida..." " he might've had to stay in jail all night." " It'd have done him good." " Maybe it'd have cooled him off." " It was all my fault." "As if anything Joe Abercrombie said could matter." " You kinda like Lee, don't ya?" " Yes." "But he's the stubbornest, most contrary person I ever met." "What are you gonna do about it?" "That's what I wanna talk to you about." "I thought he was going to be all right, but now, after being in jail again... he's more stubborn than ever." "It's too bad." "I'm no matchmaker." "But just suppose you were a matchmaker." "I'm no man to do any supposing'." "What are you, arriving' at that stage... where you, uh, think that washing' dishes is romantic?" "Well, I lie awake nights thinking about darning his socks." "Well, I ain't got any advice to the lovelorn... but I've noticed that no man ever popped the question... unless the lady led her ace first." "Well, I've done everything but threaten him with a shotgun." "Sometimes you have to shoot 'em first." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "Duck behind that." "Maybe we can find out what his intentions are." "Hello." "Young man, looks to me... like I can't go to the woodpile and back without you gettin' all messed up." "I wasn't gonna let Joe Abercrombie or anybody else talk about Del." "Don't you know there's ways of winning' a battle without fighting'?" "I'm sorry." "He had it comin' to him." "Well, I feel mighty bad about the fight... and me not seein' it." "It seems like everything I do turns out wrong." " I just saw Del." " Yeah?" "Yeah." "She's, uh, kinda talkin' about gettin' married." " Married?" " Mm-hmm." "Funny thing, I always, uh, kinda figured you two would hit it off." "Oh, how could I ask her to marry me?" "Wouldn't be fair." "What's fairness got to do with marrying'?" "Aw, I wish I'd never come back to this town." "Would you feel any different if I was to tell you... that within 24 hours, your name would be cleared?" "What?" "Well, how do you know?" " Tell me." "But" " Now, don't get all excited now." " Just leave it to me, and it's fixed." " I've gotta tell Del." "Hey, hey, what are you gonna tell her?" "You gonna" "You gonna ask her to marry you?" "Well, do you think she'd have me?" "Yes!" " Del!" " Well, now that you've asked me, when'll it be?" "Why- l" " Mr. Ken?" " Yeah?" "Will you give us a party so we can announce it?" "Lee might change his mind." "How about tomorrow night?" "Have to ask Miss Ida about that." "Then it's all settled." "Come on." "I wish you'd stay out of here." "You told me to drop in when I had some news." "Now I've got some news that's fit to print." "I just arrived back in town after a trip." "What do you want me to do about it, put it in the society column?" "Be a good idea at that." "Kenesaw Clark- or Mr. Kenesaw Clark" "Wednesday'd and Thursday'd... in Louisville, Kentucky." "Louisville?" "Say, I don't want this to get out." "Just between you and I, I sneaked over to do some horse racin'... at Churchill Downs." " It's a pretty track, ain't it?" " Yeah." "I guess so." "Met an old friend of yours while I was over there." " Sends regards to ya." " I don't know anyone in Louisville." "Sure, you know this fella." " He's your betting' commissioner." " I never bet on the races." "He told me that you and Wally Stevens, about three years ago... come down there and tried to make a cleanup... on a sure thing." "He's a liar." "That's funny." "About the time that, uh... $3,000 disappeared from the bank... this horse run last." " What are you driving at?" " Me?" "Oh, nothing." "How did it come that there was a society item in the paper... saying that you was in Chicago about this time?" "How could you be in Chicago when you and Wally Stevens was in Louisville?" " That's not so!" " Not so you's in Chicago?" "No, Louisville." "The way I've got it, uh, printed up here in my paper..." "I wouldn't be surprised... if a lot of people believe it." "Of course, Joe, uh... if you could figure out some way to, uh, clear Lee's name... as a kind of a weddin'present for him and Del... why, I may be able to kill the rest of that edition." "Now, I've only got till midnight." "That's my deadline." "Dance]" " Hello, Del." " Where's your boyfriend?" "He went downtown." "He'll be back in a few minutes." "Forgot the cigarettes." " How many?" " Two cartons." " Wrap 'em for you?" " No, that'll be all right." " Quite some doings at your house, huh?" " Yeah." " Congratulations." " Thanks." "Jailbird." "Look at that." "Look what that old boy landed." "A man never gets too old for a blonde, does he?" "I wonder if she got a sister." "Well, well, If it ain't Kid Cotton!" " Sir." " How are you?" "I just know you're Mr. Clark." "And I'm so glad to meet you." " We owe everything to you, don't we, Daddy?" " Yes." " I'll show you where to put your coat." " Thank you." "Hey, Tom." "Say, you- You far exceeded my expectations." "Well, looks like I'm in for one of the liveliest years of my life, Kenesaw... if I hold out." "Now, now." "Don't get discouraged, Daddy." "Don't" " Don't do that." " Hello, honey." " Oh, Mr. Ken." "I'm so happy!" " Hey." " What?" " Did you ask her If she had a sister?" " Oh!" "What's happened?" "He's not breathing." "Hey, it's Joe Abercrombie!" "Come on." "Give me a hand." "Get him in the drugstore." "You're never gonna get around it." "Give him some air." " Careful, boys." "Careful." " Easy." "Easy." " Say, phone for a doctor, will ya?" " Right." " He's been shot!" " Shot?" "I'll bet Lee Austin did it." " He said he'd get Joe." " Somebody call the colonel." " I'll go." " Who's with me to get Austin?" "I don't care if they are busy!" "Cut in on 'em!" " Give me the sheriff's office!" " Hurry, Colonel." "Joe's just been shot!" "What?" "Joe?" " Where is he?" " In the drugstore." "Hello, Pap!" "Hiya!" " Hello, Mr. Clark." " Hi, Pappy." "Just wanted to drop T. off and say good-bye to ya." " Couldn't have dropped him anywhere else, could you?" "Well, you better change your mind and come and join us." "No." "Much obliged." "Gotta make the foot of the mountain by daylight." "Well, you know you're always welcome here anyhow, you know." "Pig!" " Good-bye!" " Bye!" "Good-bye!" "Good luck!" " Hurry up with that stuff!" " We better give Parker the treatment too." "Don't worry." "We'll take care of him." "All right!" "Come on now!" "What are we waitin' for?" "For some tar and feathers!" " All promenade!" "Dance]" "Promenade back!" "Do It again!" "Swing your partner!" "Swing 'em high!" "All sashay!" "Everybody dance!" " What do you fellas want?" " We want Lee Austin!" " What do you want him for?" " He shot Joe Abercrombie!" "That's what for!" "He didn't shoot anybody." "Now you guys get outta here." " We're saying he did, and we're taking him." " No, you're not taking him." "There he is!" "Get him, boys!" "Get him!" "Pappy!" "Something's happened." "T.'s hollerin' for help." "Get goin'!" "Wait a minute!" "Wait a minute!" "Hold on!" "Cut it out and listen a minute, will ya?" "Hold on!" "You fellas are all wet." "How could he have done that?" " He's been at this party all night." " That's a lie." " I saw him downtown just before Joe was shot." " I only went to get cigarettes." " There!" "You see?" " That don't say he done it anyhow." "Now get outta here!" "Come on!" "Ow!" "Down!" "Down!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "All you, stop it!" "Stop!" "Will you stop?" "I tell you Lee didn't do it!" "Will you stop?" "Stop!" "Stop it, I tell ya!" "Stop it!" "Lee didn't do it!" "Stop it!" "I'm sorry, Kenesaw." "Here." "Get your gang and get outta here, and don't you come back in here!" "Kenesaw, Joe's told me everything." "And I want all you people to know that Lee didn't have anything to do... with stealing that money from the bank." "And we're going to make full restitution." "Lee, I only hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us." "That's all right, Colonel." "And if you'll only come back to your old job in the bank..." "I'll be very grateful." "Thanks." "That's mighty fine of you, Colonel." "Kenesaw, your- Your old paper's waiting for ya." "Thanks." "Just a minute." "There's just one thing here." "T. here figures that that school job would keep him pretty busy." "He's wonderin' if you couldn't make him, uh, lightning' rod inspector." "We-We haven't got any lightning rods." " You haven't got any?" " No." "Well, he'd make you an awful good man then." "They're made out of iron." "Yeah." " Yeah." "I'll look at it." " All right." "Fine."