"EMPTIES" "Director of Photography" "Composer" "Art Director" "Editor" "Sound Designer" "Written by" "Directed by" "Travnicek, do you know what I keep asking myself?" "Whether or not you're going to offer me your seat." "Thanks." "And..." "I can't understand why you don't greet me anymore." "You're not our teacher anymore, are you?" "I see, So that's it." "So how did you sleep last night?" "Pills or no pills?" "Pills." "Same here." "And I was sure you couldn't sleep either." "Must be that earthquake in Japan." "It affects us sensitive souls." "So I'm a seismograph," " You think about me at night?" "Me too." " You think about me?" " Well..." "I see every detail of your body," " Good morning," " Good morning," "That school skiing trip was such fun - do come again this year!" "My knees - skiing hurts me now," " So come as a chaperone." "You'll kill yourself!" "An earthquake?" "And I thought it was nerves." "I've some new pills - not addictive, I'll give you some." "The poet Vrchlicky's real name was Frida," "The nom de plum was suggested to him by a fellow student" " Thomayer," "The doctor after whom the Thomayer Hospital was named." "I went there, For my appendix." " Don't interrupt, Vagner," "Sit down!" "End to end Vrchlicky's books would measure 1,5 metres." "From these we'll learn only four lines, which he wrote as an old man knowing what was most important in life." "Take this down," ""For a little love I would go to the ends of the earth... "" ""..." "I would go bare-headed, barefoot, "" "He'll have to wash his feet then." "Why do you laugh at his jokes?" "He'll think he's funny." "He's just rude," ""For a little love I would go to the ends of the earth... "" "We already wrote that down," " He repeats the first line." "I'll put "See line one"." " No. you won't!" "You'll write:" ""For a little love I would go to the ends ofthe earth!"" ""Like he who sings at your door and begs. "" "What do we call such a man?" "I read that there's a beggar who makes a fortune every day." "He has a house and a car," "Why don't you put your hand up when you've something to say?" "They don't do that in America," " But we're not in America!" "Aha..." "If he was so famous, they'd have made a film about him," "How barefoot, he caught a cold and ended up in the Thomayer Hospital!" "Silence!" "Silence!" "And you keep your mouth shut." "Understand?" "Not one word," "It's a free world, isn't it?" " It is free, but..." "People like you..." "should not be allowed..." "There!" "Now you can make a complaint," " That's just what I'm going to do," "Again?" "Get rid of it." "Put it into the trash bin," "Horackova, take it to the bin!" "We've a different bin here." "I'll talk to the old girl .... soften her up." "Do you know what they call you?" " I know." "The Wringer," "That sponge... its the third time" " The fourth time." " Worse still," "And you didn't know his father supports the school?" "What do I tell him?" "That we're grateful for the athletics track, but couldn't resist squeezing a smelly sponge over his son's head." "They sure stink." "It's better than caning him, it's not corporal punishment." "As far as we're concerned it is," "Fuck me, we can be glad that he didn't hit the little shit," "Robert, don't use that language in here!" "I didn't swear, did I?" "I'm sorry, I get it from the kids." "I just don't get why you do it," "I don't know myself." "I see him as a fire that needs to be put out," "A written apology to the parents is the only option," "You can handle that, can't you?" "No." "I won't apologise." "I'll sort it out another way, I won't do it any more," "That's what you promised last time," " I don't mean the sponge," "I won't teach anymore, I've made up my mind." "I'm not happy here anymore," "Don't put it so close to the curtain, It'll suck it in." "Okay." "Afterwards you can finally oil those hinges like you've been promising," "Don't pull out the plug like that," "It's not good for it." " What did you say?" "Stop unplugging it all the time." "For fuck's sake," "Ready!" "OK up here," " I think it's OK down here too," "Wrong," "What do you mean?" "You said it was OK," "It was, then you messed it up with your foot." "I'm supposed to leave my foot there for ever?" "Try again." "What about those friends of yours?" "Don't they go somewhere?" "My friends are either senile or dead." "OK up here," "A little towards the window," " Like this?" " I think so," "You sure?" " I'm sure." "Doesn't work." " Damn!" "Have you ever had a door on your foot?" "Just like your father." "Used to shout at your mother for nothing," "You hated him for it but you're a chip off the old block," "Another go." " Some soup will calm you down." "I don't need to calm down, I am calm." "There you go!" " You'll be even calmer after soup," "Hi!" " Hello." "Join us!" "Stretch your legs a bit." "Do come!" "No thanks," " What did he say?" " He doesn't want to." "PUBLIC LIBRARY" "I wondered..." "I specialize in literature...especially Czech," "You don't happen to need..." "We don't buy books, Sir," " Isn't this a public library?" "No we whiten teeth here, You'll look ten years younger," "Tell me... how much time do they give you?" "Number five gets Jungmannova to Smichov and Arbesovo to Karlin." "Not keeping you, am I?" "Dead right you are!" "You know I wouldn't leave if I didn't have to." "When will you be back?" " I'm back!" "As soon as I sort out the house," "Do you love me?" " What's that?" " There's a yoghurt in the fridge!" "They say you"re seeing her," " Only professionally." "Which bank did you put it in?" " My money or my sperm?" "It's strawberry, Your favourite!" " Yeah." "Thanks." "Take a roll too," "Tkaloun here." "Hello!" "What did you say?" "The phone rang and no one was there," "And who was it?" "Nobody," " And what did he want?" "You going to answer it?" "No." " Afraid it might be him?" "How can an educated woman watch such rubbish?" "You ever ironed anything?" "Never," "Do you love me?" "I love you as..." " I've never loved another woman." "Isn't it romantic?" "VACANCIES COURIERS WANTED" "I have a decent bicycle," " These ladies will direct you." "Over your radio," " What a racket," "You'll have to pick the ones that suit you best." "So you can go from one job to another." "Idiot!" "Bloody old idiot!" "At sixty-five you're going to ride a bicycle around Prague." "Dodging cars!" "That's for young boys," "There's a 70-year-old ace cyclist," "Really, him I'd like to see!" "Want a beer?" "Yes." " An ace!" "A courier is a human connection between people." "Until a tram runs him over," "You have a moustache." "Your tic will come back, you'll see, Traffic today is hard on the nerves," "You need a knowledge of Prague and to be decisive." "Quick decisions!" "You're a real ace at that," "Time you dyed your hair again." "The grey is showing through," "You don't want to be at home with me." "You're scared of being couped up with an old woman," "I've my Aunt"s flat feet" "My Uncle"s imagination" "Wandered the world for a long time" "Still don't what it's about." "I used to dream about the Nile And navigate the Vltava" "I believed a lot of nonsense And to this day" "I'm still confused" "Even at my age, at my age I don't have a clue about life" "I've read so many books, ...so many" "I'm in the last lap If only I could have it over" "Maybe with you, maybe with you If you'd like to," "Here already?" "That was quick!" "Madam, I'm an express courier, Sign here, please." "Beautiful handwriting." "I'd give you full marks for presentation," "And how did you get into this?" "Most are young men." "Not a question of age, young lady." "Knowledge of Prague and quick decision-making." "That's all." "Maybe with you, dear ladies if you'd like," "Okay guys, who wants what?" " No.5 gets National Avenue," "No.5, No.2, let me have it." " No.2 go on then, you greedy guts," "I'll take Polska and Vrsovice." " I'm at Smichov." " Who is this?" "You still working?" "This is courier No.31," "I'm at Smichov." "Don't you have anything around here?" "He's not working," " He is," " He's in a race." "They've numbers in races." " Just heard him saying he is No.31," "Guys, who's going to take this one?" "Thirty-one here." "I report:" "I am at Smichov!" "Who's this idiot No.31?" " Don't know," "He keeps on bellowing that he's at Smichov." "Miss, could you please talk slower?" "Number 31 can't follow!" "This is crazy," "You ace," "I missed you," " I missed you too." "We're not stopping for a while." " Great." "You know what's so exciting about you?" "Tell me," "Hidden within that drab uniform is such a magnificent butterfly!" "Take a pill," "You're groaning and thrashing around." "It's some new kind of pill," " She..." "I mean he the deputy headmaster, Landa, gave them to me!" "Why're you rushing?" " I'm back to normal." "How are you?" "Fine." "How are you?" "Still some polite people around!" "Has toothache and still says hello." "A pupil of yours or mine?" "No." "He was talking on his mobile," "Return the empties and wait for me by the checkout," "Hello!" "Anybody there?" "I see that you have a vacancy." " Yeah, I'm only helping out." "I have to operate the compactor," " You have a compactor here?" "Surprised, aren't you?" "It's a little known fact." "A supermarket without a compactor would grind to a halt." "It would be totally swamped with packaging." "What was that about?" " What?" " Making a spectacle of yourself." "The manager thought I was disabled," "He came to ask you that?" "Yes." "I knew he was no family man," "Even though he's a doctor..." " He made his ward sister pregnant." "His own sister?" "Libuska?" "Of course not, The ward sister." "You always spill it!" "I did it on purpose." "To make magic," "It takes a little time for the magic to work," "Where did he go?" "To her of course!" "I feel as my life is over." "Take it easy." "You're not the first or the last whose man has run off," "They're all keen to run away." "Even the old ones," "Do you need to pee?" "Yes." "Let's go then." "Fire away!" "Wow, that's quite a stream!" "I envy you." "Don't you have a stream like that?" " Used to, But not any more," "Did you forget how to do it?" " Yes, I did," "Hey we're in luck!" "It's not often that you see it nowdays," "But grandpa can't take you on that train," "He prefers to lug crates at the store." "At the age of sixty-five," "Are you crazy Dad?" " Kids have a word for it." "A mad "flip"." "That courier job was your first and this is your second," "Helena, I'm the "greeting type"," "Listen to him, He's even thought up a theory on the subject." "The "greeting type" is a man who likes to greet his wife." "At work he looks forward to going home and greeting his wife:" ""Hi!" "I'm home,"" "But in order to have a greeting, first there's got to be a "goodbye"," "Put simply, He kept teaching to chat up that Ptackova woman," "I used to teach with her, so I know what a cow she is," "And another slut will turn up with her empties at his little hatch, she'll tell him how good he looks, he'll invite her for a cup of coffee" "That's all there is to his theory." " On the subject of coffee..." "Time for magic, Watch carefully, Tommy..." "Abracadabra!" "Applause, please!" "Oh dear," "Who will explain to me how it works?" " Chatter will show you the ropes," "Who?" " Chatter, He'll be there with you," "Watch him, He'll train you in," "Shorty, you here?" "Sure but I'm up to my ears!" "My name is Tkaloun, I'm supposed to rotate shifts with you," "Which ones do we take?" "Could I have a go, Mr Chatter?" "Good morning," " Hi," "You're new here, aren't you?" " Yes." "I'm in training." "Then we'll be in daily contact." "Twenty bottles, own crate," "You drink that by yourself?" " All by myself." "Own crate, Put it down, otherwise I'll have to pay for it, mate." "See you soon then." " Cheers!" "How did I do, Mr Chatter?" "My name's Rezac," "Oh, I beg your pardon, they said "Chatter will show you,"" "so I assumed..." "I'm sorry, really," "And Mr Rezac... what do those three spots mean?" "Those are just... some marks." "So, did you have a good chat with old Chatter?" "No. thanks to you!" " How's that?" "I called him Mr Chatter." "That's what everybody calls him here," "How did he react?" " I don't think he liked it," "Did you know he was an army officer?" "He almost shot his wife." "She was unfaithful." "Tracked her down," "But missed her heart so it wasn't murder." "Just attempted." "He got eight years and served four," " Is that so?" "What are you doing?" " Good morning!" "It's an exercise I did as a boy back in 1948," "I even remember the tune." "Any idea where my weights might be?" "Karel took them," " He should give them back," "Ditch Helenka and take my weights." "Tricky fellow." "You are not eating?" " No." "Big advantage of this job is that we have fresh bread daily," "How are you, Mrs Kvardova?" "You look in the pink today, I must say," "Oh come on, I must have put on too much rouge." "On the contrary." "I can see that you had sweet dreams last night," "You know how to charm." "What a difference, you and that other one," "What's his name?" " Mr Rezac," "Odd he has such a nice name," "I wouldn't mind that he doesn't say much, My husband was a chatterbox." "Pity he's unsociable and doesn't take care of himself," "If he put on a clean overall and a shirt, he'd be a handsome man," "He's got powerful eyes." "Have you noticed?" "You know, he used to be an army officer." "Really, An officer!" "What are those lectures about?" " Last time it was about suffering." "Why God lets people suffer, even though he's almighty," "I'd like to know that myself." "If Adam and Eve refused to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, they'd have lived happily ever after" " Why didn't he forgive them?" "He couldn't, Dad," "That would mean he would share the guilt for their wrongdoing," "But if they hadn't eaten from the Tree of Knowledge," "I wouldn't be here, nor would you or Tommy." "But we are here and we suffer." "Do you believe in the end of the world?" "You don't," "Not really." "When it comes, you're going to be mighty surprised." "Helenka..." "Couldn't you find some lighter lectures?" "Or have a glass of wine with a friend... bitch about things..." "It'll be all right, Dad, The Devil is loosing his power," "Grandpa, you shouldn't hold him like that, He'll get a nosebleed," "Are you going to die?" "Yes, but I'm not planning on it just yet," "Will you be a skeleton when you die?" "I'd be afraid of you then." "I'll just be a kind of fine powder so you won't be afraid of me," "Good-day Miss!" "How did we sleep last night?" "Hello." "Goodbye Miss, Have a nice day and come again!" "You remind me of my brother-in-law." "He had a speckled old beard like you" "Really?" "So we're practically related, Mrs Lamkova." "Onions are cheap today and semolina's on special offer too," "Well, I do need semolina," "And the tomatoes are reduced," "I don't like tomatoes," "Makes me sick just to think of them," "Just that they're half-price today," "Half-price?" "I'll take some then," "She said that you have powerful eyes." "If you washed your overall and put on a clean shirt, you'd be her type," "You know what she finds exciting about you?" "That you don't chatter on like her late husband," "Actually, she finds it quite irresistable." "She also mentioned a tie, but I told her, that would be going too far." "Mr Rezac wearing a tie?" "Come off it!" "I love you dear, You are so beautiful." "Are you two on familiar terms?" " Not yet." "In which case you must use the formal "Ich liebe Sie' form," "I love you, You are beautiful dear," "Mr Wasserbauer, the familiar form again!" "I forgot," "Sie sind so schön," "Are these romantic phrases all you want to learn?" "Quite frankly, yes, I don't have an ear for languages," "And what if Miss Trudi asks where you work?" "At the Prague 3 council office." "So write it down then:" "Ich arbeite am der Stadtamt Prag drei," ""On his way home one night an old man stopped in fright... "" "My husband," "So see you next Wednesday, Mr Wasserbauer." "You worried you'll have to amuse me if you're home all day?" "All your life you've been buying books to read when you retire." "When do you plan to read them?" " In my declining years," "And what do you think you're in now?" " The autumn of my life." "The decline comes later." "Oh dear," "I made a list of things to buy tomorrow," "Get a whole case of mineral water, Take a wheelie to carry it." "A wheelie!" "Like some old lady!" "Come and visit sometime," "I won't set foot in that store while you're working there, I'd die of shame," "Where is it you're off to?" " A lecture." " Again?" "By the way, If they talk about Heaven, do ask if there's any work up there." "Because if there isn't, I'm not going," "For tea, give him an apple and those biscuits," "I envy you this job." "So many beautiful women," "A bit of a big bum," " Just how I like them." "Everyone sends regards." "And fuck me, even the bloody kids." "Thanks." "We've another maternity vacancy, Come back for a few hours a week?" "No thanks I'm happy here." "Better bottles than kids hey?" "I'm happier than I've ever been." "Well, take care," "Drop in sometime." "Your sister-in-law called," " Sister-in-law?" " Mrs Lamkova." "Her legs are bad." "Asked if you could deliver her shopping," "Here's her address and what she needs," "She's not my sister-in-law," "I thought it strange you'd need her address," "This is so kind of you." "Don't look around I haven't cleaned the place yet," "Here you go." "Now, tell me what everything cost." "I use to be a bookkeeper, you know?" "The total's down here," " I can't read those tiny scribbles." "So, Half a loaf of bread, nine crowns," "That's all?" "You'd be losing money." "I wouldn't lose anything, 9 crowns." " I'll put down 10," "A quarter of butter, 14 crowns, If you put down 15 I'll be cross," "I'm putting down 16." "I know we're related, but good fences make good neighbours," "But we're not related, I only look like your brother-in-law." "What else have you got there?" "And two bottles of beer, 22 crowns," "I always pay 24 with the deposit," "You bring me my shopping and you lose money to boot," "That makes... 77.50 in total!" "I wanted to ask you something else," " Tell me and I'll put it down," "Could you wait for a few days, I get my pension on a Monday." "Until then I'm completely skint," "Tally-girl!" "Mr Tkaloun, leave her to me!" "Hello." "Here they call me Shorty because I operate the compactor, get it?" "No." "But my real name is Mirek, Mirek Clit, unfortunately," "Shorty sounds better, doesn't it?" "Why?" " Forget it." "I'm only here for a while." "To earn some dosh," "Then I'll finish school." "You know...without a compactor this place would grind to a halt," "Yeah, sure, goodbye," "Fantastic." "She had eight of them." " Last time there were seven," "So he did one better, It's obvious." "After each orgasm he makes a mark," "To keep a tally, like on a beer mat," " Yes," " Look, her cell phone," "I'll call my number first to get hers, then I'll give it back to her." "It's Greek to me but go ahead." "Major, nothing to report on my shift." "I missed you," " I missed you too." "This is Lucka." "She's a novice." "A novice," " Hmm." "Madam Jaruska told me about you." " We're not stopping for a while," "That's good." "It's hot in here, isn't it?" "We're bisexuals," " Both of you?" "Of course!" "I thought I was a lesbian, but then I discovered I was bi." "It's so convenient," "What's that banging." "Is it the junction?" "Where would you get a junction on this line, silly?" "Shall we make another mark on Lucia's tummy?" "Would you like that?" "Just got my pension, so I'm bringing you the money." "Not now!" "Leave us alone!" "The old bag!" "Lying on your front?" "You must have had a nightmare." "Terrible." "Turn over on your back and tell me about it in the morning," "What's up?" "You alright?" "I just had a thought..." "What?" "It's gone," "I keep thinking about that daughter of ours." "When we were her age, we were happy..." "We were." "Well, you could be a pharmacist," " You're early, aren't you?" "You look good, man." "Do you know how old you look now?" "No more than fifty-five," "Was she here?" "She was, wasn't she?" " Yup." "I bet she stared, didn't she?" "You didn't speak too much, I hope." "Don't forget that silence is your best weapon, It drives her wild," "Cheers." "Hail, Comrade Major!" "Will you look after Josie for me?" " It'll be an honour," "Does she still have diarrhoea?" " She had only a tummy chill," "It's her short legs, Her stomach is so close to the cold ground," "I wouldn't have thought of that even though I'm a doctor." "I didn't expect to see you here," "Helena told me that you changed your profession..." "Me my profession, you your wife." "That's life." "I wanted to talk things over with you..." "You kept my weights," " But I kept putting it off." "I felt stupid," "Since you're behaving like such an idiot, how about making yourself useful tonight?" "What I'd like to know as her father, is what went wrong." "She's a nice, intelligent girl," "That's just it," " What do you mean by that?" "Dad, if I can still call you that?" " Of course," "My new girlfriend, she's not 'nice'." "And that's how she got me." "Is she vulgar?" " Terribly." "Hysterical." "Passionate." "You can't imagine all the things she says and does in bed," "I can imagine alright." "She's a shameless, vulgar, sexual tornado." "And that tornado hit me after the nice, gentle calm with Helena," "And I didn't stand a chance," "She got that from her mother - that nice calm," "My legs, doctor." "My legs are all swollen up," "You live alone?" "No one takes care of you?" "Alone," "You must tell me more about that tornado of yours," "I'm still interested in that sort of thing," "Even at my age the imagination still functions." "The eyes are willing." "I always had eyes like a hawk!" "...but the body..." " They were here again!" "Who?" " The ones who break into my flat." "What did they steal?" " They don't steal," "They swap," "And what did they swap?" " Books,"The Wilful Girl", you know," "No." "I don't." "Couldn't you prescribe some pills that would help?" "A whole life is described there," "I'd first have to check your heart...make sure it could stand it," "The "Wilful Bride", "Wilful Wife", "Wilful Grandmother"," "Look the same, but the print's half the size," "Can't read a line of it." "That's what they've done." "You must see an optician as well." "I'll fit you up with a device, we'll monitor your heart for 24 hours." "They monitor me from that roof over there," "And to the psychiatrist, He's right next door." "I can go to work with it?" "You'll do everything as normal." "But you'll jot it all down so that we can see how your heart copes." "We'll pick you up in the ambulance tomorrow!" "You did a good deed there, Shall we go for a pint?" "I can't, unfortunately." " Are you on duty?" " No." "We'll go for one or two." "After all, we've got some things to talk about." "Dad, I'd love to but my new..." "You were with a patient!" " She knows all the usual excuses," "One more thing, Try to see Tommy." "He's longing to see you." "You know why I can't?" "It would break my heart." "And she doesn't want me to, now that she's expecting." "I'll tell him you're thinking about him," "Cheers!" " Hi!" "I've never been here before." "I come because of that painting" "Nice." " My parents," " You're kidding!" "In that picture?" "They were out on a date, a painter showed up so they posed for him," "You see she already has a bit of a tummy?" "That's me in there," "Nice story..." "What's up?" "She was asking about you," " Who?" "That young woman, the plumpish one you said was your type," "Oh, that one!" "At the store, She didn't even see me," "You'd be surprised." "She wanted to know the very next day." "And you know what she likes about you?" "Your posture," "That you don't stoop," " I don't stoop?" "Espresso with milk." "No. with rum," "She sells puppets at the Prague Castle steps." "You seem to know a lot about her." " People confide in me," "Don't tell her I had a hand in this." "You don't know me." "Sure." "Don't tell her you're a teacher." "So I have a different job." " She can't stand teachers." "You haven't been here for a quite a while," "I was in detox, My wife sent me there." "Nothing but alcoholics." "And how did you manage?" " Didn't work out." "Own crate," "No registered letters today." "Can I leave it here?" " Of course you can." "What's that on your neck?" " Nothing." "A kind of... experiment," "They tried that on me too at the detox." "And I had to write down..." "I'm sitting" " I'm thirsty, I go for a walk" " I'm thirsty," "I lie down" " I'm thirsty..." "Well, so long!" "BOTTLE RECYCLING MACHINE" "We'll write this one down because it's bound to show..." "Wow!" "That Tally-Girl sent me a text message!" "I sent her a love letter." "My God, this is exciting." "Listen." "Thanks for my cell phone." "I don't remember giving you my number." "Already have a boyfriend." "Besides, you are not my tipe." "Do you spell 'type' with an 'i'?" " No." "What's up?" "Don't be down on my account, I'm used to being dumped." "Happens all the time, Do you know why?" "I always go for girls who are better-looking than me." "Which is almost all of them," "So this means the show's over?" " Yeah," "So instead of you and Chatter, we'll have this heap of metal here?" "You bet you will." "I'd chuck it away." "They'll send another." " So we'll get rid of that one too." "We'll have to." "Hello." " Hello." "Haven't we met before?" "Don't think so, Interested in my puppets?" "Not the puppets." "Then I'm sorry." "How many?" " Twelve." "It must mean something else, She wouldn't be able to walk here." "You don't know women," "He must be quite a guy, don't you think?" "Maybe he's not the only one." "That's a thought," "What a bitch," "And none for me." "Now you've seen it." "Back to work." "Hello!" "I missed you," "So I came to see you," "I missed you too..." "HOME ALONE EVERY THURSDAY FROM 4 TO 8 PM." "We missed you!" " I've missed you too!" "Who is it?" "Headmistress!" " You didn't want me to come?" "I did, of course, many times, but..." " Well, what then?" "Not brave enough?" "We better go," " Sure, no one's interested in us..." "No." "No. wait, girls!" "I like you all, but..." "Wait a minute, perhaps he'll snap out of it." "You see, I'm terribly tired today." "I'm worried about my daughter..." "Oh look, the poor headmistress is vanishing before our eyes." "I'm really sorry ladies, but I think that today I can't hold onto you..." "What do you feel for me besides repulsion?" "Eli... please, cut it out." "You're not attracted to me any more." "A woman can tell." "But I'm not attracted to you either." "You're not romantic any more, You're not even any fun." "Sometimes I'm fun." "Hardly ever." "It used to be that I always looked forward to something." "To the summer because it would be hot." "To the winter because there wouldn't be any flies." "It was enough for me," "And now there's nothing for me to hang onto, understand?" "Because I can see that you're vegetating next to me for the simple reason that you don't have any choice." "Good heavens, what have you got there?" "Something to monitor my heart," " Is there something wrong?" " No." "Going to be wired up every night?" " Just for today, What time is it?" "I have to write that you lay down next to me, What it did to my heart," "Nothing, dad," " Nothing at all?" "It was 4:35am on the dot." " Nothing." "But otherwise I'm afraid it doesn't look good." "Look here at 10am," "Some stupid leaflet was delivered, so I got worked up and then I had that tic again." "There you go, Or here 4:40pm," "I know exactly, The sun was setting," "I got worked up again but in a nice way," "I wouldn't stress your heart, No pep pills, just some vitamin E." "I'm already on that..." "Dad, I'd the same problems with Helena and I'm young," "Often a change of partner does more than any medicine can," "Not that I'd advise it, but just so you know." "Here you are." "My weights." "You're listening to Aunt Aster's sex answers," "Today's subject is "Does size matter?"" "And our first caller is on the line..." "Staff announcement, Mr Tkaloun - telephone call," "I repeat, Telephone call for Mr Tkaloun," "We can learn about a man"s size by looking at the size of his shoe," "But sometimes even little Punch can put on a great performance," "Sir, spirits section, have a look!" "Tkaloun here, hello?" "That's strange, Robert," "Keep it short, we'll surround him." "Did you take her flowers?" "You didn't?" "That's the problem," "Goodbye!" " Bye." "Are you off?" " Just saying hello to a student." "Which one?" "It doesn't matter." "I'm head-over-heels, Really in love," "She's wild," "You should have seen how she dealt with me." "What a woman!" "But how to land her?" " Every day one rose," "Be stubborn and silent, Like a mule," "Every woman surrenders after the fifth rose." "And then you'll charge right in victorious." "Bye!" "We've come to knock out the hole," " What hole?" "For the bottle machine," " Bottle machine?" "We don't know anything about a bottle machine..." "A moment." "Report in morning cash take!" "We've a guy here doing the bottles," "Wouldn't want to lose him," "We'll call Moravek." " That would be best," "Only 1,200,000 crowns?" "You must try harder!" ""Oh, wife of mine, wife ofmine, do not cry!" "Oh, my one and only man, why do you return to me at this unholy hour?" "My comrades, workers at the power-station,I have a strange wife." "When I look into her eyes, she cries and calls me a cursed man, "" "Ask me what's new at work." "What's new at work?" " Well, imagine a thief." "You don't say..." " A real thief?" "But a clever one!" "He stole goods worth 2,500 crowns," "Have you had coffee yet?" " Not yet," " Well, let's have some." "And do you know who caught him?" " You did." "How did you know?" " Otherwise why tell us?" "You spoiled the punch line and it's your own fault," "Do you know what the police told me?" " Well, Mr Tkaloun." " And then?" "Know who you caught in the act?" "The scourge of the supermarkets." "The police need people like you," "Promise you won't join the police!" "Then the manager said he was going to give me a reward," "When the customers heard that they started clapping." "Something smells," " Of course!" "Boasting." "Grandma doesn't believe me..." " Like something's burning..." "I don't believe it!" "I don't believe it!" "How could you put an electric kettle on a gas cooker?" "I'm sorry, Eli, I'm sorry," "I'm an idiot." "What's an idiot?" "That's your grandfather." "HOME ALONE EVERY THURSDAY FROM 4 TO 8 PM." "Am I late?" " Right on time." "Thanks, I owe you," "Well, what have we here?" " My son." " Flies a balloon?" "You were in the Air Force, weren't you?" "It's in the blood." "What's in it?" " Flying, He gets it from you," "I never flew," "Anti-aircraft artillery," "Went off in my right ear." "I hear, but only in the left one." "So thanks!" " Where to?" "Thanks!" "There, You like it?" "Your husband won't recognize you," "Do I look nice, Tommy?" " Yes." "I missed you," "Hello!" " Hello!" "I'm Tkaloun, The former..." "The former colleague of my colleague Mrs Ptackova." "Oh, I see!" "Come in, Mr Tkaloun." "Jaruska!" "You have a visitor, She'll be happy to see you." "Leave your shoes on," "Hi." " Hi, Jaruska." "Sorry to bother you, but I came to ask you a favour." "Sit down MrTkaloun," " Thank you," "There's a boy..." "He needs a tutor..., for Maths," "He has to pass an exam... in Maths." "And so I wondered if you might be so kind and give him a few lessons." "... in Maths." "Brought some biscuits too..." "You've already seen it at least seven times." "That film always makes her cry." "I'll turn it off, OK?" "Don't, I'm sorry." " Would you like some coffee?" "It's Wednesday!" "I wrote'thursday"." " I thought it was Thursday." "You could do him on Thursday afternoon." "I'm at golf and you'd have peace and quiet here," "On Thursday we'd have peace and quiet here," "You know what we're going to do?" "We'll surprise grandpa at the store." "To see if he recognises Grandma," ""I never tire ofseeing her and everything in me starts to sing:" "Oh, mother ofmine!" "How nice it is here at home!"" "Ciao!" "What's it going to be?" "An omelette, How was work?" "Nothing out of the ordinary happened while I was on duty." "When did you get off work?" " At eight, as usual." "Why?" "Because I dropped by to see you," "But you swore that you wouldn't set foot there," "Well, I did set foot there." "With Tommy." "To surprise Grandpa and see if he noticed that Grandma dyed her hair," "You dyed your hair!" "But Grandpa wasn't there, And he didn't even notice at home, he doesn't care about Grandma, He has other things on his mind," "Grandma's only good for cooking." " Didn't Chatter say anything?" "Stared at me like a murderer." " He did time for that, He almost..." "I'm not interested, I want to know where you were!" "Making a delivery," "Don't lie to me!" "It's humiliating!" "It disgusts me to see you sweating about lying to me, Because I know where you were!" "Eliska, surely you don't think that at my age." "I'm an old man after all!" "But a lecherous, ridiculous one!" "If you had been with another woman, would you have told me?" "I wouldn't have, Because it would hurt your feelings," "This whole debate is totally pointless," "Because some sex doctor drummed it into your head: deny, deny, deny." "Moron!" "So I deliver to old, sick people  drinks, food, flowers..." "No..." "Stop it!" "It's bad enough that we have to worry about Helena!" "You look like someone forgot to wind you up," "Listen to me..." "Yesterday was Wednesday, you see, and today is Thursday," "You're temporary here, aren't you?" "You're going to finish school," "Yup, In time," " Well I've arranged extra lessons," "But I'm not planning to go yet," "You'll keep putting it off until you rot to death here." "Give this envelope to the teacher, I wrote a sort of a recommendation," "The lesson is today at four o'clock." " But I'm working until four." "So you'll be there at 4:30." "Here's some money." "Buy her some flowers." "Dear God, guide Helena and help her," "We're worried about her." "Guide her to Your path." "Amen," "May that dimwit of mine, forgive me for speaking of my husband this way, finally get a grip on himself," "What are you doing in there?" "There's a beautiful programme about swans, Come see it, It's for you," "When the female swan dies, the male remains alone until he dies," "Hmm, That's great." "People should learn from them," "And what if the male swan goes first?" "Then the female stays alone." "Isn't that nice." "Shit." "What is it?" " "Swan Lake"." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Who was it?" " I don't have a clue." "Wrong number," " Must have been," "Go ahead, answer it, The wrong number must want to talk to you." "Look here, my dear Miss or Madam, my husband is a seriously ill man, He's got a weak heart and an enlarged prostate and if you want to have him on your conscience ....." "Just a minute, It's the woman you deliver groceries to." "Yes?" "Hello, Mrs Lamkova!" "But there's no hurry, Give it to me next time I come over," "Call me at work or at home, even at night..." "You're welcome." "Her pension arrived so she wanted to repay me the money I loaned her." "You're jealous of an old woman like that." "You're really, I mean really, lucky." "So did you go?" "I did." "And?" "Didn't she send me a message?" "No." "But I've never experienced math like that before," "What figure, I mean figures!" "Thanks!" " She's a good teacher," "But very demanding," "Good thing it's only once a week." "Excuse me." "You're rather stubborn, aren't you?" "Like a mule, Why go by tram when I've my car here?" "That would be silly, wouldn't it?" " It certainly would." "I'd rather be silly..." " Will you be smarter next time?" ""I love you, You are so beautiful, "" "Your pronunciation is really coming along." "How about those other phrases:" ""would she like to go..."" "Could I practice the version where we're already on familiar terms?" ""I love you, dear, "" ""You are... "" ""... so beautiful dear, "" "Are you feeling alright?" "There isn't any Trudi..." "You speak German...?" " Yes." "I invented Trudi so that I could say those things to you." "You're making fun of me." " I'm not, I swear I'm not," "I saw you at the office and I was smitten." "Mr Wasserbauer, you've embarrassed me, I'm married, old..." "No you're not." "You're so elegant and so..." "So what?" " Strict," "You like that about me...?" " I like everything about you." "What are we going to do about this?" "Perhaps if I could invite you for coffee or wine every now and then." "We could chat  in Czech." " I wouldn't rule that out," "Thank you." "How come he didn't tell me?" "He doesn't say much, It's so wonderful!" "We sit at home in the evening, and we can hear the clock tick." "But I have to tell you one thing:" "you mustn't be unfaithful to him." "Don't laugh." "He'd be capable of killing you," "That's wonderful." "Somewhere in Africa far away..." "There"s a dungeon built to stay, oh yeah," "Somewhere in Africa far away..." "There"s a dungeon built to stay, oh yeah," "Is this a lullaby?" " Not really, but it can help," "Sometimes I cry because I miss Dad." "Don't think about that now, Listen to the song," "Among the inmates there"s Babbinsko the famous rogue of Mexico, oh yeah," "Say: it'll be alright," "It'll be alright, Now, don't talk any more and close your eyes." "And now let's try to put another member of the family to bed." "No. we can't." "Why not?" "After." " After what?" "You know," " How should I put it?" "We men also like to kiss, that's for sure, but you see, when it doesn't go beyond that, it causes pain in those hearts." "How many hearts do you have?" " Two," "That faith of yours says you can't sin before marriage?" "Something like that," "It's nice to put Tommy to sleep, but since he's got a silly mum there'll be no more Babbinsko story for him," "With one bottom you can't sit on two chairs," "That's rude of you." "Are you criticising my backside?" "No. you've a wicked arse," "When do they lock the building?" " At ten," "It could have been a beautiful night," "Goodbye." "And man is part of the natural world, something we often tend to forget in our modern world," "And what is the thread that unites all creatures?" "Sincere love," "One poet described it like this." ""On the hillside behind the village one birch inclines towards another," "Embrace me, my darling, like that graceful birch. "" "A surprise." "Do you Bedrich Rezac willingly take as your wife..." "Say yes." "Yes!" "Thanks!" "I owe you one," "I'll join you after my shift," " You won't come," "Honest to God, I'll leave my wife here as guarantee." "But... it's only for family members," " Oh, come on." "So how did you get on without me?" " Alright," "Nice wedding." "And the military march got to him." "I wish you could have seen him." "Mr Tkaloun, are you in there?" "I had to." "And do you know why?" "Labour costs too much." "But you can stay part-time, Someone has to sort these bottles." "They haven't figured out how to sort them." "MR TKALOUN, WHAT'S ON OFFER TODAY?" "There'll be a rail so they won't fall off," "I won't be staying, I wouldn't be happy here." "If it's wet put it in the corner." " You... hello!" "What'll it be?" " Vodka." "Make it a double." "What was that city council official doing at the reception?" "Weddings are his job," "Then he should do his job." "And go home or back to his office." "He's also my student." "He saw me so he followed us in," "Not a very bright one at that." "Shouldn't be allowed to speak in public," "You're jealous!" "How can I be jealous of some Hundertwasser," "His name is Wasserbauer." "What did he whisper that made you shriek like a lunatic?" "For God's sake you could be his mother!" "I know," "Do you like him?" "He's sweet." "And attentive," "Sweet?" "He's a pervert, that's what he is," "Do you know what you two looked?" "Like you were getting off on each other!" "I could have died of shame," "That's just your imagination, I was in the mood." "It's been a long time since I felt like that." "And you do this to me on the eve of our fortieth wedding anniversary after I bought us a surprise trip, with the reward I got for catching that thief." "It's back to sleeping pills, for me." "So that trip tomorrow is an anniversary surprise." "How sweet of you." "We missed you," " I missed you too, Aren't you hot?" "People can see in." " Draw the curtains then," "She doesn't want to." "Isn't my lovely one here?" " No." "Karel, she's not." "Ciao!" " Girls, this is Dasa." "She's a sexual tornado, right?" "What are you staring at?" "For God's sake, where are you going?" "To the Adriatic Sea!" "What for?" "To swim!" "We're going to miss that bus." " No we're not." "Got a scarf?" "It's going to be windy." "Windy?" "There isn't a leaf stirring outside!" "Not here, but there it's going to be windy." "At this rate it won't matter," "Take warmer shoes," " But it's hot outside." "It's hot here, but cold there," "Are we going to the North Pole?" " Where's my compass?" "I hate these surprises of yours." "But I have a surprise for you too:" "We're not going to miss the bus, Helena has arranged a car," "Helena?" "A car?" " I guess she's found someone." "This is Robert, This is my mum and dad," "Are you all right, Dad?" " Couldn't be better." "So where are we going?" " Head for Benesov, Mr..." "Landa," "So Benesov it is." "I've got a map here," "It's his secret plan." "So I see." "What do you do, Mr Landa?" " Computers." "At a computer company." "He's a computer genius." "Anything but teaching, Those salaries are pathetic." "That was the first thing I asked Robert." "I have to pee." " Try to hold on we can't stop now," "Fill them in a bit." "You're right lip's a bit thin here," " That's what I mean." "Too many trucks on the road," " Fucking awful, mate," "That's how computer geeks talk," "Wasn't the deputy at your school also a Landa?" "Yes." "Those Landas are..." "...everywhere." "Don't you think computers are taking children away from books?" "These days they don't read at all," " That's true." "And that computer slang..." "Landa... not you, but that deputy of ours, he told a kid to 'bin' some trash and the kid did nothing." "So I got angry because" "I didn't realise that the bin was in the computer, Remember that, Mr...?" "Dad, he can't remember that because it happened with that other Landa." "Right you are, I'm going senile," " I noticed that a long time ago." "Right, Robert!" "To the right here!" "Robert?" "Mr Landa," "Excuse him, please." "I'm sorry I was distracted." "Forget it, Please call me Robert," "Dad, what was the first name of that deputy headmaster?" "Robert." "Well, certain things are starting to add up," "I only just found out too." "Let's just laugh it off," "I don't care for jokes like that." "If there's a bus stop somewhere," "Tommy and I are going back to Prague." "Some surprise, Well done!" "Don't take it like that." "He'll explain it all to us, won't you?" "Everything will be clear..." "Here we are!" "I'm done." "I've finished peeing." "Come on, Tommy, off with those wet pants." "Keep your hands off him!" "We thought you wouldn't make it, Rezac Junior!" "So, who's flying?" " Me and my wife here." "What's this?" "We're going to fly in that balloon, That's the surprise," "It'll take more than a couple of asses to get me in that." "I don't mean you." "My husband there does the work of two." "They're launching the company, so it's a special offer." "They can fly for free, for all I care, but not with me!" "They're in the basket," " What?" "The flowers!" " Right," "Eli..." "I wanted to please you." "You wanted to please yourself." "Come and help!" "Madam, a balloon is a lot safer than a car," "You stay out of this!" "Mum, it's a crazy idea, but since we're here..." "Look at him, he's like a little boy, he can hardly wait," "Do you know what you are?" "An arsehole!" "What's that?" " You're a pimp, mate!" "It was a little heated back there in the car." "Kids, home time!" "We can't Mum, we have to hold this." "Come on!" "Get in!" "One foot..." "Well done," "Can't it catch fire?" " Don't worry, all's under control," "Does he have a licence for this?" " I do, honest to God, lady," "I want to see it." "Dad!" "Bring the licence over here." "Where is it?" " On the front seat!" "It's not here!" " He doesn't have one." "It'll be in the door." " It's not in there either!" "In the boot with the spare rope!" " Come home right now!" "What?" "The rope?" " What an idiot," "What the hell have you done?" "You said: 'Release the rope!" "'" "We got up here fast, didn't we?" "And so quietly!" " Very quietly," "Drive on, you moron." "Perfect visibility, We're in luck." "That's for sure." " I'm sorry, Eli." "If you hadn't insisted on that licence..." "Watch where we're going!" " We can't run into anything up here" "How can you be so calm?" "How come that tic of yours hasn't appeared?" "I really don't know," " Eagle here, Eagle here!" "Chatter, you're not an eagle, you're a donkey!" "Roger, Donkey here, Donkey here!" " Give it to me," "Mr Tkaloun... we can see you!" " We're very happy to hear that." "You're losing height." "You have to fire up," "But we want to lose height!" "Not now." "You can't land in the forest!" "What a beautiful forest down here." "Pull the lever towards you!" "It won't be a problem flying this thing, We're going up nicely!" "That's enough!" " What?" "Shut it off now!" "Eli, this is a mad flip alright." "The Zelivka Dam!" "It's the drinking water for everyone in Prague." "Except us." "Our days are over," "Eli, over there:" "Temelin!" "The nuclear power plant!" "I don't want to see anything." "Temelin least of all!" "Are you crying because of me or because you lost your parents," "Because of everything." "Silly me, I thought you were in love with me." "I am!" " You're a liar, You tricked me." "My stupid father asked you to take pity on me," "But he didn't, I didn't even know you were his daughter!" "I'd like to fly with Grandma and Grandpa," "I wouldn't recommend that." "Eli, get up!" "You have to see this, That's the Sazava River." "So what?" "Do you see that island?" " Are we going to land there?" "No." "That's where it happened!" "That's where you lost your virginity!" "The Scouts lent us that leaky army tent, That's our island!" "Don't you realise that we're going to die?" "Don't you get it yet?" "Of course." "That's why I want you to know now, before we crash," "I organised this trip so that, high up above this country of ours, where we've lived together for forty years..." "Don't go breaking down on me." "You know I can't stand that in a man." "I just wanted to tell you that... with the exception of Hundertwasser all those years with you have been wonderful," "If only you believed, If only you knew how to pray." "I can pray when my neck is at stake." "Now's the time," "Our Father who art in Heaven... up here with us." "...hallowed be thy name;" "thy kingdom come;" "thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven, ...and forgive us our trespasses..." "There you go." "So you forgive me already," "Eagle calling, Eagle calling!" "Fire it up or you'll drown!" "It's not working!" "It won't catch!" "They've vanished!" "Watch out!" "Are you alright?" " Tommy, are you hurt?" "It won't burn!" "What now?" "Pilot light's gone out." "There's a kind of knob." "The ignition." "Push it!" "It doesn't work!" "I'll never make it." " Use a cigarette lighter," "We don't have one!" " I just might have a lighter," "You smoke?" " Sometimes, In secret," " And why?" "I'll explain later," "Now for God's sake, light it!" "Not working!" "Don't look and blow too!" " My tic's come back." "So now explain to me why you're a secret smoker," "Because I want to die before you do." " Why do you think I'll die first?" "Statistics." "You men die first and we visit your graves,I don't want that." "Everything will be just fine!" "Dont't worry." "Eli, it's alright now." "We're going to live for a little while longer," "I see you're travelling alone." "It's going to be a long journey."