"Can you believe this?" "Now they're saying chewing tobacco's bad for you" "Now?" "What are you reading?" "Sunset Magazine from 1982?" "Stole it from the doctor's office" "You make me wait I take something" "Yeah, well, that would explain the model of a uterus on your credenza" "Since when do you care about chewing tobacco?" "I was thinking of taking it up" "I like a light buzz and I like to spit It just makes sense" "Hi, Grace" "Will" "Would you say I have a swimmer's body?" "Unless it's in a trunk in your closet, I'd say no" "Oh, hey, Jane Fonda has an exercise video coming out" "They're opening a new pool at the gym, Will" "Come on you should come with" "It's full of cuties It's like a hot guy soup" "Well, except between 12:00 and 1:00 when Paul Sorvino does laps" "I don't really like to swim" "Ugh, I never swim in pools They're filled with pee" "That's ridiculous It's an adult gym" " Adults don't pee in the pool" " Okay" " Come on, Will, it'll be fun" " I don't want to, okay?" "Wait a minute..." "I've known you for 17 years I don't think I've ever seen you swim" "I don't think I've ever seen you swim either" " Oh my God!" " It's no big deal, okay?" " I just ever learned.." " You've got a hairpiece!" "I don't know to swim, okay?" "How..." "How do I not know that?" "I had a traumatic experience when I was a kid" "I fell in the neighbor's pool" "And my mom couldn't jump in, 'cause..." "'Cause she just got her hair done" "So stuck out her foot but her mule came off in my hand" "Finally, she leaned over to pull me out spilled her Manhattan my eyes and said, "Oh, I give up."" "William Truman!" "You are a 57-year-old man!" "You should learn to swim" "You know what?" "I should" "You're right, it's the time in my life where I should be facing up to my fears" "I'm gonna swim, I'm gonna drink out a public fountain and I'm gonna read an Ethan Hawke novel" "Hey, J Hey, Wag" "Wag?" "Will and Grace:" "wag" "Just glad my name isn't Frank" "So, honey, guess what?" "I am setting you up on a blind date with me and Malcolm" "So, shave what needs shaving and..." "boil the rest" "I'm not really interested in a blind date" "Come on, honey it could be so much fun" "You should go, Grace" "It'd be good for you to go out with a guy who could curl your toes instead of your hair" "You know what?" "I should" "I need some space from you gays" "Come on, Will we're shaving my legs" "Yay!" "This is gonna make my boyfriend so happy!" "Aren't you a little "mature" to be referring to someone as your boyfriend?" "At least I can swim, jackass" "8x03 The Old Man and the Sea" "Whoo!" "Mmmm!" "Their passion reminds me of a poem I once wrote" "It goes like this:" ""A kiss is a key to the soul" "To the curious mind a wonderful forever"" "Uh, a poem has to rhyme" "Like, "There once was a man from Nantucket..." "Something, something something, suck it"" "So you kids having a good time?" "Oh, Karen, hi" "I didn't recognize you without Malcolm's tongue punching through the back of your head" "Well, Grace, since you like things that rhyme" "Although you are a lovely date please excuse me while I urinate" "You know, Grace, I do hope we're sitting in the smoking section because the sparks are flying between you and the D man" "Swimming fact, "Speedo" is French for "maximum package exposure"" "So, uh, where's my swimming instructor?" "Uh, I'll give you a hint" "He's the sexiest guy in the room" "Okay?" "And it's me, all right?" "Oh!" "See you later" "Wait a minute where are you going?" "I'm not letting you teach me how to swim!" "I'd sooner catch a ride home with Billy Joel!" "Will, I can teach you" "Just like I taught you how to trim around your nipples so your hair doesn't look like crazy eyelashes" "Yeah, after you put mascara on them!" "Did they or did they not pop?" "Come on, Will You said you wanted to learn" "Alright, I'll do it." "But promise me you will not make me look stupid" "And jump and jump and down And jump and jump and down" "And jump and jump and down..." "Now, that is a heck of a scallop" "Boy, it's so nice to be eating with a fork rather than jamming it into some guy's neck" "I'm kidding!" "I'm a government accountant Why would I kill that guy in Budapest?" "You know, I like having a couple friend" "Let's do this every Friday!" "It'll be our thing" "I'm sure that traffic school can get along without me" "Well, there's just two little problems with that" "Um, first, it's Tuesday" "And second, I would hardly call Dale and I couple" "Yeah, Grace hardly knows me" "Oh, that's because you're too modest" "If I were compiling a CIA file on Dale and I'm not the first page would read that Dale is a piano tuner with a nifty rent-controlled apartment in Staten Island" "And from a distance two blocks, naked he resembles a young Charles Bronson" "Um, Karen would you mind coming to the ladies' room with me?" " Oh, honey, I don't really have to" " You do now" " Excuse us" " Grace, what are you..." "Hey, you're right Maybe I could make a little sissy" "How could you think that this guy is right for me?" "What's wrong with him?" "He's totally wrong for me" "Ok, Grace." "I am gonna tell you something that I was saving for your eulogy" "You... are a snob" "I am not a snob How could you say that?" "Every guy has a chance with me" "The unattractive, the unemployed the "lives with mom"" "Everyone welcome" "All right." "Well, all I saw was a snob sitting there with a vinegar puss acting like nothing he said was good enough for her" "Honestly, Grace" "I thought you were better than that" "Girls?" "D-train here has a great idea" "Dinner tomorrow night at his place on Staten Island the Riviera of New York Harbor" "Did you know the Richmond Hill landfill is the highest elevation on the Eastern Seaboard?" "Yeah, you can see it from my living room window" "Well, I think it sounds fantastic" "But I don't know if Princess Grace over here will be up for dinner at a landfill" "Actually, it sounds wonderful" "I love a good meal and I love a good dump" "Okay." "Now, let go of the wall and lean back and I'll support you" "You sure you got me?" "Yes, I got one hand on your head and the other on your upper ass beard" "Okay." "Wait, wait, where are you hands?" "I can't feel 'em!" " They're right here" " Put 'em back!" "Will, what is your problem?" "!" "Nothing, I'm fine." "I just want.." "I just want to go home" "And I think I swallowed a band-aid" "Will, you're being ridiculous!" "Where's my band-aid?" "Well, someone made a scene at the pool today" "I was upset" "No, I'm talking about me" "After you left, I jumped in the pool without looking and ended up riding Paul Sorvino for half a lap" "Are you okay?" "You left kinda fast" "I'm fine." "I'm just.." "I was just scared" "Well, you're gonna do better tomorrow I got us access to the kickboard shed" "Don't even ask me how I pulled that off" "Let's just say I had to pull something off Bathing suit" "Yeah, you know what?" "Actually, I, uh, I decided" "I don't wanna learn to swim" "What?" "Oh, don't answer that" "That might be the kickboard guy" "I gave him your number 'cause he sounded kinda dangerous but I didn't wanna be rude" " It's Will" " And Grace" " You can call us "Wag" Get it?" " Leave a message" " I decided was cute" " It's not" "Hi, Will, this is Adam from the pool" "Just wanted to confirm our lesson for 6:00 tomorrow" "Remember, no checks" "Wait a minute what was that?" "I thought you said you were done with swimming" "I know I just said that, but.." "You said you didn't wanna take any more lessons" "Or you didn't wanna take them from me / Jack..." "You don't trust me" "Look, you're my best friend and I love you" "But you're not exactly reliable" "I mean, I wanna learn from someone that I know is gonna be there to pull me out of the pool" "Not someone that puts diving rings around his neck and pretends he's a woman from Kenya" "But how could you think I would ever let anything bad happen to you?" " Jack, I do trust you" " Just not with the big things" "You know it's a real shame, Will" "Because you trusted me with the biggest thing in your life and I didn't let you down then" "What are you talking about?" "You were terrified to come out of the closet" "And who was the one who held your hand fixed your hair, and promised you everything was gonna be okay?" " You" " Yeah, that's right" " Hey, Grace" " Hey" "You're the first one here" "Oh, Karen and Malcolm aren't here?" "Did they call?" "Are they close?" "Yeah, any minute" "Oh, well, we're fine alone" "Did you hear a car door slam?" "Oh, oh, and.." "Wow, there's the landfill" "It's very..." "uh, It's very beautiful all lit up" "It's not lit up" "The hot part just broke through the retardant foam" "Neat" "Pretty sure I didn't wanna have kids anyway" "I'm really happy you're here, Grace I've been looking forward to this all day" "Oh, me too" "Can you just tell me when it's 8:30?" "'Cause I have to be home by 9:00" "For what?" "Oh, I have a.. a sick rabbit" "I've gotta put, uh, drops his ears every five hours" "You know, and I just did it at... 4:00?" "That's Malcolm and Karen Oh, darn it" "I was gonna lay some plastic down on the couch" "You are chewing on my last nerve, froggy!" "You are eight feet of pain in the ass stuffed into a four-foot sack" "How hard is it to read a map?" "!" "I don't need a freakin' map to go to Staten Island!" "I think I've done that a few hundred times!" "You take the Lincoln Tunnel to the Turnpike hit the Verrazano, get off at Exit 11 and go straight Victory Boulevard" "That's if you wanna go through New Jersey, dumbbell" "Hi, Grace Nice eye shadow" "I'm not gonna drive all the way to Staten Island without picking up some sweet Jersey cider you slack-jawed Irish moose!" "Hey, Dale Baked you a pumpkin loaf" "Oh, thanks" "Man, am I steamed I'm going for walk" "I'm going for a walk too And don't you dare take Nome Avenue!" "Because I am going there taking a left on Lewiston a sharp right on Richmond and then it dead ends at Fiorelli's Pizza" "It's not a dead end, it's a T!" "Wow" "I didn't have the heart to tell her that Fiorelli's closed down and that area is now pretty "gangy"" "Oh, my God I just realized..." " This is a peace sign" " Yeah" "Wow." "That is a really good chair Where did you get it?" "Amsterdam" "Yeah, I love to travel" "Although I usually spend all my time in the hotel watching TV and ordering room service" "Well, yeah" "Why else go to foreign countries?" "You can watch MTV in funny languages and see what their Coke tastes like" "I thought was the only one who did that" "No, I'm a huge Coke fiend" "You know, Grace... there is a good chance that they're not gonna make it back alive..." "So, uh... if you wanna go there's no hard feelings" "You know what?" "Um, I'd like to stay, if that's okay" "I wish you would" "'Cause I made... "fould"" "I was trying to me it rhyme" "Oh, well look who it is Mark Spitz-in-my-face" "You here to meet your new instructor?" "I am, actually I'm really excited" "He's really good looking, a great teacher And I trust him with my life" "Well, where is he?" "I'd like to meet him" "I'm standing with him right now" "I'm not stupid, Will You're alone" "It's you, Jack" "I'm so sorry about what I said I was dead wrong" " Really?" " Yes" "You've been saving my life since day I met you" "And I don't know how I missed that" "I don't either It's clear as the face around your mole" " Can I get another lesson?" " Sure, let's go" "Oh, my God This was so delicious" "I've been living with a gay guy for so long" "I forgot what the skin of a chicken tastes like" "Thank you" "Yeah, once I took the skin of a raw chicken and I rolled it in butter and breadcrumbs fried it up and ate alone in my bathroom" "Mister, I could really fall for you" "Hey, you two!" "We are back!" "And I love this girl" "And I wuv this guy" "Funniest darn thing." "You know the two of us, we're stubborn as mules" "So when we leave this apartment we both make a beeline for Fiorelli's" "Turns out it's now a burned-out building that's very important to the Latin Kings / Yeah" "So, she looks at me, I look at her The Latin Kings look at us" "And I tuck her under my arm and off we go" "Now, I told him to go down Arden Street.." "And I'm thinking McKinley must be quicker" "But, I bit my tongue and wouldn't you know, she was right" "Let's never fight again" "Make that a promise, baby" "Dale, you got any Orangina?" "I'm kind of in that mood" "Uh, yeah Except I don't have any ice" "The water here doesn't freeze" "Although it fills you up like a bucket of KFC" "Ah, great night huh, honey?" "You know, I'm having a really good time" "I was being a snob" "Dale is funny and sweet and cooks with real butter" "And I think I'm going to see him again" "I'm proud of you, Grace" "Hey, Grace Nice eye shadow" "Did you ever hear Dale play the piano?" " Uh, no." "No, I haven't" " Dale?" "It's not.. it isn't gonna be classical, is it?" "Oh, God, no Strictly show tunes and top 20" "Yeeee!" "Oh, I love this song" "Someone to hold me too close..." "Someone to hurt me too deep" "Someone to sit in my chair And ruin my sleep" "And make me aware of being alive" "Being alive" "Beeeiiinn.." "What?" " Ah, I just noticed the time It's getting pretty late" "It's 8:30" "Yeah, I was kind of hoping to be in bed by 9:00" "Wait a minute is this because of my singing?" "Because you live in Statin Island On a landfill" "You know, I've learned to live with the smell" "But I'll never get that sound out of my ears" "You..." "You're a snob" "And I can too sing" "Isn't it rich, aren't we a pair..." "I'm sorry, Dale I had no idea" "Well, this has been such fun" "Malcolm, darling, would you please turn the car around?" "Why?" "We're turning left on Richmond" "We're turning right!" "You know this is the deep end?" "I know" "You'll be there" "Okay" "One..." "Two..." "Jump!" "See, Will that wasn't so bad" "Oh, look, you've already taught yourself the dead man's float!" "OOH!"