"THUNDER" "BIRDS SCREECH" "There they are!" "I made those marks last year!" "Just look at it!" "I knew I was right." "It's a yellow roth." "And are you sure it's the only one of its kind in the world?" "Of course." "It's got to be worth at least ã100,000." "I know someone who will pay a lot more than that." "Please don't get caught." "I'll phone the moment I get home." "This is our crowning achievement, Madeline." "It will flower again in 12 months' time." "Now is the time to call it a day." "You've been saying that for ages." "But this time I mean it." "We'd miss it, Jimmy." "It's exciting." "KNOCK AT DOOR" "Madam, taxi here." "Thank you." "♪ NEW ORLEANS JAZZ" "Try your luck, ladies and gentlemen!" "Only ã1 a ticket!" "Or six for a fiver!" "No, I'm sorry, ladies." "If you haven't got a zero, you haven't got a prize." "Roll up!" "Roll up!" "Try your luck!" "Only ã1 a ticket!" "Or six for a fiver!" "Captain!" "Want to try your luck?" "Put me down for a fiver." "Good man." "I'll try and get your winning tickets from the top." "If you've got a nought, you're a winner." "One, two, three, four, five, six." "There you go." "Thank you." "Thank you!" "60!" "I've won, Barnaby!" "I've won!" "So you have, Captain." "Let us see what you have won." "There we are." "Oh, no!" "Not the bloody tea cosy!" "I won that thing last year!" "Look, this time, be a good chap." "Pop it in with the compost, would you?" "Roll up!" "Roll up!" "Try your luck!" "Wonderful, wonderful prizes, ladies and gentlemen!" "ã1 a ticket!" "Stand by your beds!" "Here they come!" "Hello." "Good afternoon." "Let me introduce my research assistant, Jonathan Makepeace." "We congratulate the Midsomer Malham Orchid Society for a magnificent display." "I thank Munro Hilliard for hosting this wonderful show in his perfectly elegant Malham Manor." "Before we hand out prizes, Jonathan has some very exciting news." "Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to announce a single monkey orchid is growing again in a wood on the Downs." "MURMURING" "We need volunteers to mount a 24-hour vigil to protect it from poachers while it's in bloom." "Your chairman, Mr Hilliard, has offered to work a rota." "I'll volunteer, Mr Hilliard." "Good show, Mrs Maitland!" "If any more of you would give me your names, before the end of the day, I'd be most grateful." "And now it's over to you, Professor Winstanley." "Well, goodness, the judging wasn't easy this year." "But the winner of best plant in show goes to..." "Captain Tucker!" "GASPS For his miniature cymbidium." "Congratulations." "Very well earned." "Thank you, Professor." "Second prize goes to Mr Hilliard for his phalaenopsis Follett." "Well done, Munro." "And third prize goes to Mr Plummer's dendrobium nobile." "It was a close-run thing, Mr Plummer." "Well, we live to show another day, don't we?" "We do indeed." "Oh." "Ladies and gentlemen, I think I speak for all of us when I thank" "Professor Winstanley for giving so generously of her precious time." "It's been a pleasure." "See you next year!" "♪ NEW ORLEANS JAZZ" "Winning a poxy third!" "You mean you were beaten again by Munro Hilliard?" "Pompous old twit!" "Just because he owns the place, he thinks it's his right to win." "He only came second." "He was gutted." "You know what I think about your bloody orchids!" "Just fancy, over-priced weeds!" "If you buy any more, you're going to ruin us." "Can't you grow something we can eat?" "!" "How's it going?" "There's a bottle of Rioja left!" "Congratulations on yet another botanical extravaganza, Mrs Barnaby." "Thank you, Miss Villiers." "Can I tempt you to the tombola?" "ã1 a ticket or six for a fiver." "Yes, of course." "250." "That's a prize, isn't it?" "It certainly is." "Thank you." "Baedeker's Guide To Switzerland!" "Wonderfully serendipitous!" "Thank you, Mr Barnaby." "I've got something at home that you would literally kill for." "Is that a fact?" "You'd remortgage your manor house just to get your hands on it." "The Hilliards don't have mortgages, Henry." "Excuse me." "I've done my horticultural duty for today." "I'm off to London for some excitement." "You'll ruin us." "How much did that one cost?" "It's priceless." "Well, don't expect me back for breakfast!" "HORN" "Madeline!" "Good morning, Socrates." "Madeline!" "It's me!" "Harry!" "SIREN" "Did you touch anything, Harry?" "No, of course not." "I only come here to change a heater." "Aren't you going to cover her up or something?" "Morning, sir." "Morning, Scott." "This is Harry Rose." "The local handyman." "Builder, decorator, plumber and electrician." "That too." "He does jobs for Miss Villiers." "He found her." "Do you mind waiting outside, please?" "No, of course not." "So, we've got an old woman's list." "(READS) Suitcase, passport, Swiss money, cancel papers and milk, hide safe key." "Could it have been a coronary?" "Well..." "Harry Rose called the local plod and he called me because he couldn't work out what these stains were." "But he thinks she might have topped herself." "She won this book on my tombola stand." "So we've got something old." "Something very new." "Hm!" "A borrowed library book." "And something blue." "You think she was going to Switzerland to be married?" "Married?" "Yeah." "And if it all fell through..." "She was jilted?" "It's a reason for her to kill herself." "Oh, come and look at this, sir." "'Hide safe key.' Do you think we should open it, sir?" "Er..." "Yes, we should." "Did you find the key?" "No, sir." "Rose doesn't know where she kept it." "But with one of these old things, you don't need one." "Really?" "Where did you learn to do that?" "School of hard locks, sir." "Oh, joy." "A diary." "Hah!" "(READS) Ante diem sextum nonas maxima vulva..." "My Latin's a bit rusty, Scott." "But I think this is saying something rather rude." "Ancient history?" "No, no." "It's this year's diary." "This year's." "This month's." "This week." "She is a goer, isn't she?" "She was." "Do you want to see?" "Latin wasn't on the syllabus at my local comprehensive." "Safe-breaking no doubt was." "Oh!" "An account book by the looks of it." "And one not intended for inspection by the tax man." "Not with all the sums written out in Roman numerals." "Need to get this stuff translated." "George!" "Seen the body?" "Yes." "I presume this is part of the crime scene as well." "No." "Not exactly." "Sgt Scott has got a unique but highly effective way of opening a locked safe." "How long has she been dead?" "Certainly since last night." "So, what makes you think it's anything but natural causes?" "Well, we've got these stains here." "Take a statement from Rose." "See if we can trace her next of kin." "George, how's your Latin?" "Purely medical, I'm afraid." "Want a translator?" "Brother Robert, up at Midsomer Abbey." "He's your best man." "The bonus is, his bees produce the best honey I've ever tasted." "BUZZING" "Harry Rose reckons she's got no next of kin, because she told him once she was adopted." "She was a Classics teacher at Midsomer Ladies' College." "Retired." "What about Rose?" "Works for everybody in the village." "Services everybody in the village?" "Yeah, that too, sir." "Brother Robert?" "Brother Robert, good morning, sir." "Morning." "I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby." "This is Detective Sergeant Scott." "We've come about the translation." "Oh, yes." "The translation." "Hm!" "They won't sting you, young man, if you keep still." "Achoo!" "Bless you." "(READS) Cymbidium, odontioda, phalaenopsis, papheopedilum." "These are all orchids." "An odontioda orchid was sold for ã500 to a CM on the 6th of September last year." "ã500 for a flower?" "Must be barking." "You need an expert for this." "Any suggestions?" "Do you know Professor Winstanley?" "My wife does." "She judged the flower show t'other day." "Um..." "Now, Brother Robert, I'm afraid this diary contains... well, lurid details of rather...robust sexual activity." "Really?" "Mm." "(READS) Dies Saturni ut canes in via delicias fecimus." "Vinum bibimus et interim... fecit." "I see what you mean." "Saturday, we satisfied ourselves like street dogs." "We drank wine and did it again and again." "Ahem." "Last night, I shudder to recall, he was impotent." "Tomorrow, therefore, I shall arouse him, not only with my endearments, but with a potion." "Perhaps it's a little unfair, given your calling," "Brother Robert, to ask you to translate this stuff." "Not at all!" "BELL" "Time for vespers." "I'll let you know what progress I'm making." "Goodbye." "Thank you." "I'm terribly sorry, Inspector." "Had a crisis with our strelizias." "These are beautiful, aren't they?" "This collection was started by Sir Wilfred Hilliard, traveller and plant collector." "Grandfather of the president of the Midsomer Orchid Society." "Your wife must know him." "I'm sure." "Jonathan, come and meet..." "But you've met already, haven't you?" "At the Malham Flower Show." "Yes." "Good morning." "Now, I take it you both knew Miss Madeline Villiers." "Knew?" "Yes, knew." "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings." "Miss Villiers was found dead yesterday morning." "Dead?" "That's terrible." "But she was at the flower show." "Yes, she was." "She gave you three of my tombola tickets." "And it seemed to me..." "you knew her quite well." "Well..." "Yes, we both did." "Madeline admired Jonathan's devotion to our orchids." "Just that?" "Well..." "I also advised her on her magnificent garden." "I can't believe she's dead." "Me neither." "It's..." "It's awful!" "Sorry." "It's hay fever." "Let's go into the office." "This is very kind of you." "Thank you." "I'm intrigued." "Goodness me!" "It appears that" "Madeline was selling some of the world's rarest orchids." "For considerable amounts of money." "Look at this one, for example." "(READS) The phragmipedium kovachii." "That's from Peru." "It's an incredibly rare plant." "(READS) Sold on the 10th of July to JK for..." "Liv..." "VXCIX." "That's ã5,999." "(READS) Neofinetia falcata, variegated." "To CP for..." "For ã50,000." "No!" "50 grand for a flower?" "!" "Rich old Japanese men collect them." "They're little white flowers with amazing leaves." "Beautiful." "Yeah, but... 50 grand?" "!" "Here it is." "Good God!" "Jonathan, look at this!" "Papheopedilum Rothschildianum flavum." "The flavum doesn't exist any more." "Yes, it does, according to this." "Papheopedilum." "What's that?" "It's a slipper orchid." "From paphos, meaning slipper." "It refers to the shape of the bottom petal." "A yellow roth." "I don't believe it." "Sold to HP for ã150,000." "Who's HP?" "At that price, it's probably Harry Potter." "Or Henry Plummer." "Henry?" "Henry?" "Henry?" "How long has he been dead, George?" "More than 36 hours." "Looks like he'd been out to dinner." "Perhaps the bill didn't agree with him." "Mrs Plummer?" "I know this isn't easy." "Can you tell me, when did you last see your husband alive?" "Around 7:30 on Saturday night." "He was going into town to see this play..." "Well, some floozy actress, actually." "And where did you go, Mrs Plummer?" "Me?" "I went up to London." "I got back yesterday, after midnight." "Um..." "Got up late and..." "When I saw that his bed hadn't been slept in, I went looking for him." "Have you any idea why..." "Yes." "I'll show you." "When I left, this place was full of the most beautiful flowers." "Only a madman would do a thing like this." "Looks like it's been sprayed with something, sir." "Weedkiller?" "You think this is why your husband committed suicide?" "I don't know." "But orchids were his passion." "He certainly loved them more than he loved me." "Can you think of anyone who would want to destroy your husband's orchid collection?" "I was never part of that world." "I couldn't help noticing at the flower show, it's very competitive." "Orchid growers are jealous to the point of lunacy." "But no-one would destroy the plants they idolise." "Henry's orchids didn't come cheap." "They certainly did not." "I have reason to believe that your husband paid ã150,000 for a very rare orchid." "Did you know anything about that?" "ã150,000?" "Where did he get that kind of money from?" "I don't know." "I understood he was retired." "Still, there must be considerable equity in this house." "Maybe he..." "This was my parents' house." "The last thing I wanted was to come back and live here." "Henry may have been ready for retirement." "But I'm not." "Could he have raised a loan against it?" "He may have been reckless, but not that reckless." "Mrs Plummer." "Are you sure you don't know about this very rare orchid?" "No, I don't." "But if it ever existed, it's probably perished along with the rest of them." "Will you excuse me?" "What's wrong, Harry?" "I didn't think it was right to tell you on the phone." "I can't make this any easier, Mr Fong." "She's dead." "Dead?" "How can she be dead?" "I spoke to her only last week!" "I found her sitting in this chair that morning." "Dressed in her Greek costume." "She looked very peaceful." "Where is she now?" "The police took her." "She had her bag packed, ready to leave with you." "They took that too." "(PRAYS)" "Who did this?" "!" "The police." "They took the books with them as well." "Where's the orchid?" "She sold it." "Like you told her to." "She was a remarkable woman, Harry." "And I know you took good care of her." "Thank you." "She was poisoned by hemlock." "Hemlock?" "Conium maculatum." "Great favourite of the Greeks." "In fact, an infusion of hemlock was used to kill Socrates in 399 BC." "Bit before my time, Mr Bullard." "So, she'd booked a flight to Switzerland." "Suitcase was packed." "She was about to be married." "Looking forward to the honeymoon." "Pardon?" "I was thinking of the knickers, sir." "Mm." "Of course you were." "But I agree, it's a scenario that can't include suicide, can it?" "But a million quid's worth of smuggled orchids..." "Now that could be a very good reason why someone would kill her." "I tell you what I'd really like to know, George, is if our Mr Plummer here really did hang himself." "I think it's time we paid a visit to the chairman of the Midsomer Orchid Society." "We may have an orchid war on our hands." "Thank you, George." "What knickers?" "Yes?" "I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby." "This is DS Scott." "What have you come to inspect?" "Is Mr Hilliard at home, please?" "I'm afraid not." "Where would he be then, Jeeves?" "He's on the Downs." "On orchid patrol." "Are you sure this is the right place, sir?" "Yes." "This is Piecrust Down." "That is Piecrust Woods." "And they're in there somewhere." "Watch your feet." "You there!" "Keep still!" "What the..." "Don't move, I said!" "Just calm down, sir." "Don't step back!" "Keep still!" "Imbecile!" "Idiot!" "Why didn't you stand still?" "First time it's flowered in five years." "And you've trampled it to death, you idiot!" "Sorry about that." "Now I know where 'flat-footed copper' comes from." "And you, sir, you could be jailed for threatening a police officer with a lethal weapon." "Put it down." "It's about as lethal as I am." "And that can be more lethal than you think." "As I have found a quorum of the Midsomer Orchid Society out here on manoeuvres," "I'll take this opportunity to tell you that another of your members," "Henry Plummer, is dead." "Henry's dead?" "Good God!" "And somebody destroyed, not one... for which I do apologise." "Somebody destroyed his entire orchid collection." "Anybody have an idea who could have done that and why?" "Plummer was a parvenu." "Desperate for a reputation among real orchid growers." "But he bought his plants, rather than grow them himself." "I'm sorry the poor man's dead but..." "Well, he wasn't exactly the most popular of our members." "No genuine collector would destroy a single orchid." "Let alone an entire collection!" "Unlike Mr Flatfoot here." "And where were you on Saturday night, Mr Hilliard?" "Having dinner with the Lord Lieutenant of the county." "In the company of my wife, if you really want to know." "Thank you for that." "Thank you very much." "Something here, sir." "Our Miss Villiers took three trips to Borneo in the last 12 months." "And one to Peru." "Borneo and Peru?" "Not bad for a retired schoolteacher." "On my pension, I'd be lucky to get as far as Bournemouth." "Ooh!" "Still, we are not without influence at her travel agent's, are we?" "Hello, Dan." "What can I do for you?" "One-way ticket to Rio?" "Why would I go to Rio when it's all kicking off in Midsomer?" "We found this in Miss Villiers' passport." "We think she had an account here." "Yes, well, she may have." "But all our records are confidential under the Data Protection Act." "I'll see you later." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to get a search warrant." "Dan!" "I'm sure we can find a way round it." "Come and sit down." "Just don't tell anyone." "Cross my heart and hope to die." "Nice uniform." "Right." "Madeline Villiers." "She was a frequent flyer." "Last year, she went to the Far East three times." "And South America." "And Borneo, earlier this year." "Ooh!" "Now, that's very interesting." "What is?" "This account was also used by Mr Jimmy Fong." "Got an address for him?" "No." "But...he was due to fly into the UK from Bangkok last Saturday." "Satur" "That's the day of the Midsomer Flower Show and the day Madeline Villiers was killed." "Thank you, Cully." "Tell you what, if you print this out for me, I will buy you lunch." "Sounds nice." "Come in, please." "You are her sole executor, Mr Fong." "Please, sit." "Miss Villiers left you her entire estate." "On condition that she is cremated and her ashes scattered as orchid fertiliser." "I always found that quite odd." "Hm." "On the slopes of..." "Mount..." "Kinabalu." "Where is that, exactly?" "Borneo." "Ah." "Mm." "What happened to the books they took out of her safe?" "Oh, we'll make sure the police pay for the damage and restore them to their rightful owner...you." "It looks as if all the money Miss Villiers made from the orchids was paid into this Swiss bank account." "Yeah, go on." "We know she sold the um..." "Pa" "Papheopedilum." "That's the one." "For ã150,000." "Yet only ã25,000 of it was paid into her account." "Hm." "Which means... that ã125,000 could still be unpaid, doesn't it?" "And if the buyer were indeed Henry Plummer, and if the orchid were destroyed by someone before it's even fully paid for..." "Maybe Henry Plummer was going to sell on the orchid - at a profit." "Someone clobbered him, then strung him up to make it look like suicide?" "We may be looking for a third party here, Scott." "Someone who killed Henry Plummer for his orchid." "Burned the lot to cover his tracks." "Who else knew Plummer had that orchid?" "If I was a gambling man, I'd put money on that toff Hilliard." "No." "If he said that he and his wife had dinner with the Lord Lieutenant on the night of the murder, they probably did." "I'd like another look round Miss Villiers' cottage." "I suppose we could always um..." "Get a warrant, you were about to say, Scott." "Exactly, sir." "Oh, it's you lot." "What are you doing here?" "Me?" "I'm just finishing a job she's already paid me for." "A new outside tap." "Mr Rose, how very honourable of you." "You got a key?" "No." "The solicitor locked it all up." "What a lovely garden." "Yeah." "A young fella comes in to do it." "A university student into plants." "Come and have a look at this, sir!" "Is this anything to do with you, Harry?" "No, it's not my department." "But it's deadly." "It's got sulphuric acid in it." "Don't touch it." "Told you." "You're supposed to dilute it." "One part to 100." "It wasn't you who poured this stuff on Plummer's orchids?" "Me?" "I wouldn't touch that stuff with a stick." "Get a sample of that, Scott, for George Bullard to analyse." "Mr Rose, what do you know about hemlock?" "Now, that I do know about." "That's hemlock." "How do you know?" "She told me." "It's poisonous." "Something to do with some old Greek she was keen on." "Name of Socrates." "Got a bust of him indoors." "How do you turn this into a poison?" "No idea." "It smells like mouse pee if you crush it." "Madeline..." "Miss Villiers, kept a bottle of it in case she got one of them debilitating diseases." "I've got to get on." "I've got a wiring job in an hour." "Where did you learn all these decorating and building skills?" "In prison?" "I'm a lifer." "Out on licence." "But I think you know that already." "I thought you had the look of an old lag about you." "What did you go down for?" "Manslaughter." "For which you served, what, eight years, I believe." "I did a cab driver when I was drunk." "I'm clean now." "I had nothing to do with her death!" "I'm not suggesting you did." "I've kept my nose clean." "I don't want to go back inside!" "Where do you live?" "Causton bail hostel." "And if you want to go on living there, Harry," "I'd like to hear everything you're NOT telling us about Miss Villiers." "Well, she wasn't the righteous spinster everyone thought she was." "So I believe." "And, apart from your good self, who visited her in the last few days?" "Well, I'm not here all the time, you know." "I did notice a pizza box and some lager cans in the incinerator." "A present from old Socrates, Mr Rose?" "I'm pretty sure it's a hybrid." "Yes, here we are." "That's the one." "Oh." "Er..." "Yes." "Ahem." "Er..." "Ahem." "That's a nice flower." "My phalaenopsis." "They ooze glamour, don't you think?" "They add a sort of..." "I don't know, sexiness to a room." "Ahem." "Yes, I'm right." "It's the hybrid." "Also known as the Bardot rose." "Ah." "Rose." "It's not actually a rose." "No, no." "Madeline Villiers employed a handyman called Rose." "Do you know that man, Professor?" "Harry Rose?" "Indeed I do." "Harry's an absolute godsend." "To a good number of people in the neighbourhood." "Come up with some interesting info, sir." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Miss Villiers' account in Switzerland was shared with a bloke called Jimmy Fong, who's been making withdrawals." "Jimmy Fong?" "!" "Who he?" "I don't know." "He also shares a travel agent's account with her." "And he flew in three days ago from Bangkok." "Bangkok?" "Her smuggling partner, perhaps." "Chinese, maybe?" "Trips to the Far East?" "Could well be." "Maybe there was a falling out among thieves." "Where is he now?" "I don't know." "But he'll soon be short of dosh." "I've frozen their joint Swiss bank account." "How did you manage that?" "Once upon a time, sir, there was a Swiss copper from the Fiscal Police." "Nice fella." "Family man." "He got into a bit of bother with a prostitute." "I got him out of it." "You never cease to amaze me, Scott." "Amaze me some more by tracking down this Jimmy Fong." "How's Brother Robert getting on with his diary translation?" "Sir, up at the abbey, they still tell the time with a sundial." "We should have asked Professor Winstanley." "Yes, we should." "She knows much more than she is telling us." "So, no doubt you'll be going to see her again for another word?" "Yes, indeed I will." "Are you sure you'll be safe, sir?" "So, what is it about these plants that turns collectors into criminals?" "Addiction." "Obsession." "Mania." "Call it what you will." "Personally, I'm attracted both to the peculiar, and to the erotic." "Take this papheopedilum sanderianum here." "Just look at its luscious folds, that perfectly round glistening pouch." "Did you know that orchid is a Greek word meaning testicle?" "Is that a fact?" "You see what I mean?" "Ahem." "What does Mr Winstanley think about your passion for orchids?" "He walked out on me years ago." "Does the name Jimmy Fong mean anything to you?" "Fong?" "He's a notorious orchid smuggler." "The convention on international trade in endangered species has been after him for years." "Did you know he was involved with Miss Villiers?" "I'm intrigued." "But I had absolutely no idea." "With all due respect, Margaret," "I think you are holding something back." "I never hold anything back." "Venous engorgement." "Enlargement of the vein above the point of injury." "And...cyanosis." "The blue discoloration of the fingertips." "So he was strangled first, then hung up to make it look like suicide." "What about the weedkiller?" "In common use 20 years ago, I'm afraid." "Banned now, of course." "I'm still awaiting test results." "Oh." "That old bottle did contain hemlock." "PHONE RINGS Excuse me, gentlemen." "Hold on, Charlie." "Thank you, George." "Thank you for that." "Yeah, go on, Charlie." "What, nothing at all?" "All right." "Thank you." "There is no-one by the name of Fong at any of the BBs or hotels within 50 miles of here, sir." "Perhaps he's gone back to Bangkok." "Maybe he has." "If he had come all that way to kill Miss Villiers." "But what if he'd come over to marry her?" "How do you think he'd react if he arrived early and caught her in flagrante with..." "Henry Plummer, perhaps?" "It would certainly cure his jet-lag, sir." "Ha ha!" "Perhaps the floozy actress was actually Miss Villiers." "And our Henry Plummer was repaying some of his debt in kind, eh?" "And if he was ã125,000 shy in the kitty," "I think the Chinaman might want his orchid back as well." "I'd like to hear the merry widow sing some more." "Looks like the handyman's got his hammer out already, sir." "Good afternoon, Mrs Plummer." "Please come in." "Have you come to tell me that you're releasing Henry's body so that I can arrange the funeral?" "No." "It's not going to be as easy as that." "It appears your husband's death was not a suicide." "Wasn't suicide?" "What are you talking about?" "# Leave the rest to me" "♪ Give me the moonlight Give me the girl" "♪ And leave the rest" "♪ To me" "♪ Give me... ♪" "Mr Rose." "Inspector." "Supporting Mrs Plummer in her darkest hours, I see." "Harry's helping me with Henry's belongings." "The good stuff goes to Oxfam." "The rest in the incinerator." "Strangled?" "Oh, my God!" "Who on earth would strangle Henry?" "That's what we're trying to find out, Mrs Plummer." "On the night of your husband's death, you drove to London, didn't you?" "I did." "I left around about a quarter to eight." "I went to a club." "I stayed with some friends in Chiswick." "Those friends, they'd vouch for that, would they?" "You're not suggesting it was me, are you?" "Well, you yourself suggested that you lived separate lives." "So what?" "Sleeping in separate beds was a luxury." "How was your husband's relationship with Miss Villiers?" "What relationship?" "Did he ever...visit her?" "Are you suggesting..." "Why would he visit a dried-up old spinster like her?" "What about Harry Rose?" "Will he be moving in when all this is over?" "What sort of person do you think I am?" "My husband's been murdered, dammit!" "Harry may be very good at practical things, but that's as far as it goes!" "PHONE RINGS" "Hello." "Just a moment, Spencer." "As it happens, this is my solicitor, who's sorting out the probate." "If you want to talk to me further, I'd like him to be present." "You can wait until he gets here, or you can see yourselves out!" "Mr Rose." "I'm in a rush." "I've got to get this to the Oxfam shop in Causton." "Not only musical, but virtuous too." "Mr Rose, why don't you call into Causton police station when you've done all this for a little chat." "Just to tie up a few loose ends." "Around about four o'clock?" "Whatever you say." "What have we here?" "Excuse me, sir!" "We're Causton CID." "Are you Mr Fong?" "Mr Jimmy Fong?" "Me?" "No." "I'm Weng Tu Ho from Happy House Chinese restaurant." "In Causton." "Er..." "Do you want to order something?" "What's in the box?" "Crispy duck with pancake and barbecue sauce." "Very tasty." "You..." "You welcome any time." "That's a big car for an errand boy." "Isn't it just?" "Check out this Happy House restaurant." "So, if you are the real Weng Tu Ho, sir, can you tell me who the man with the black BMW is, please?" "I don't know." "He don't give me no name." "Maybe Jimmy Fong, maybe not." "Yeah, maybe." "But why is this fella, whose name you don't know, why is he delivering food for you?" "He was eating Pearl River special lunch when takeaway motorbike got flat tyre." "A big mess." "So this man say he has got car." "He go himself." "Just like that?" "Just like that." "We Chinese always help each other." "That's very noble." "Can you tell me where he is now?" "I don't know." "He bring takeaway money back then go." "Maybe he come back." "Maybe not." "Now, Mr Rose, the weedkiller found in Miss Villiers' shed matches that used to kill Mr Plummer's orchids." "That's got nothing to do with me." "Maybe Deborah asked you to do it." "Oh, no, she didn't." "Your favours are just sexual?" "Well..." "Yeah." "We do it from time to time." "She gets off on being laid by an ex-con, would you believe?" "Did Deborah ask you to kill her husband?" "No!" "It's got nothing to do with me, I swear!" "What about Miss Villiers?" "Did you have a...relationship with her too?" "Look, after eight years of being inside," "I had a lot of catching up to do." "Her lover lives abroad and she needed the practice." "Like she said, use it or lose it." "What about Miss Villiers' orchid smuggling?" "What do you know of it?" "Well, I found her the cabinet." "So she could put her plants in it when she came back from abroad." "What about the orchid she sold to Mr Plummer for ã150,000?" "150 grand?" "For a plant?" "You're having me on!" "Scott, Mr Rose seems to be suffering from some kind of amnesia." "Yeah." "I tell you what, there are some very good psychiatrists working in prison." "I'll let the licence board know about our murder investigation." "I don't want to go back inside." "All right." "I admit... ..I knew about the yellow roth." "Madeline..." "Miss Villiers was livid because Henry Plummer only coughed up 25 grand." "She said if I went to his house and got it back, she'd give me ã50." "And did you?" "We're wasting our time here, sir." "Put him back inside." "Keep your shirt on!" "I did go round to Plummer's house." "About ten o'clock." "And there was no-one there." "But I was already too late." "Everything was ruined." "Including the yellow roth?" "From what I saw, that was shrivelled up as well." "150 grand's-worth of plant, zapped." "Just like that." "Then what did you do?" "I legged it, didn't I?" "I phoned Miss Villiers, but when she didn't answer," "I went home to the hostel." "Next morning, I found her dead." "Never did get the 50 quid!" "OK, Harry." "I don't think for a minute that you've told me the whole truth." "But I don't think any useful purpose will be served by locking you up." "You're free to go." "Thank you very much, sir." "That took some force!" "It certainly did." "Who found him?" "The butler." "Feather." "Constable Charles has already taken a statement." "But Tom..." "Take a look at this." "Something missing." "Something taken." "We thought he'd fallen asleep in there." "He does sometimes." "It's so warm and cosy." "And he's got his father's old deckchair." "But when he didn't come in for tea," "Feather went to see where he was." "Yes, ma'am." "I found him..." "Mrs Hilliard, had your husband recently acquired a new orchid?" "I don't suppose it matters now that he..." "Yes, yes." "He was terribly excited about it." "This one was so frightfully rare." "Even unique, he said." "Was that orchid the papheopedilum Rothschildianum flavum?" "The yellow roth?" "Yes." "How did you know?" "And for which he must have paid a great deal of money." "Munro can afford to indulge, Mr Barnaby." "Like his father and his grandfather before him, he was addicted to orchids as others are addicted to drugs." "They were his passion." "What of this deadly orchid?" "This orchis fatalis?" "The price proved too high." "Even for Munro." "Mrs Hilliard, have you any idea where the orchid came from?" "I never asked." "Would your husband have bought the orchid if he'd known it was illegally imported into the country?" "He was a conservationist!" "Could your husband have bought the orchid from Henry Plummer?" "It's very unlikely." "Munro and Plummer... despised each other." "He considered him an arriviste!" "He'll...never come plodding back from the conservatory, will he?" "I think, in the circumstances..." "Er..." "Yes." "I'm sorry." "Thank you, Mrs Hilliard." "She describes in great detail the sexual acts between her and her many partners." "Ferus Asiae tigris quantum differit ab juvene." "Wild Asian tiger is growing tame." "How different from the young man." "Jimmy Fong." "And this is her last entry." "It's most curious." "Et cras dies nuptiarum mea." "And tomorrow is my wedding day but I shall not marry the peacemaker." "And I think we'll find the peacemaker is Jonathan Makepeace." "Afternoon, Mr Makepeace." "I wonder if you've got a minute." "Could you help us, please?" "Of course." "The late Miss Villiers... ..she kept a diary." "Really?" "Yes." "And in it, you feature rather prominently." "It's not surprising." "I spent hours with her." "Discussing her garden and " "But it wasn't just her flower patch you were planting seeds in, was it?" "I don't know what you mean." "She claims that you were her lover." "Lover?" "That's ridiculous!" "That's some senile old woman fantasising." "Well..." "I did go round there a couple of times, yes." "But..." "But I had nothing at all to do with her death." "Were you intending to marry her?" "Marry her?" "As in make her your wife till death do you part." "Well..." "Yes." "But I couldn't go through with it." "The night she died, I told her I'd changed my mind." "She was livid." "But when I left, she was very much alive!" "Sorry." "I'm just trying to get my head round this." "Why would a handsome young student like yourself, Jonathan, want to marry someone old enough to be their grandmother?" "It is a little involved." "Let me guess, Mr Makepeace." "Am I right in saying that it was an attempt to find out about her orchid smuggling operation and that you were prepared to go... to almost any lengths to discover who was involved?" "Well..." "You know um..." "Pillow talk might have provided a valuable lead." "We wanted to get to the bottom of it." "But we didn't mention it to anyone." "We didn't dare." "We didn't dare." "We." "You said we." "Who's the we?" "Whose idea was it to seduce Miss Villiers in the first place?" "Professor Winstanley's, of course." "Yes, I did put him up to it." "Madeline's sexual appetite was well known in the village." "You mean, Harry Rose told you about it." "And did Harry Rose also tell you that she smuggled rare orchids?" "Oh, good lord, no." "Harry's the soul of discretion." "We had a pretty good idea." "Hence the Casanova role for Jonathan." "Which she was perfectly happy with." "Jonathan Makepeace said she wasn't very happy when he went round to call off the wedding on the evening of her death." "Do you think Jonathan had anything to do with her death?" "No, of course not!" "He's a botanist, not a murderer!" "Hm." "I don't recall suggesting it was a murder." "Well, isn't..." "Isn't that what you're implying?" "I'd be very interested to know how you think Henry Plummer died." "He committed suicide, didn't he?" "No, Professor." "They were both murdered." "Oh, my God!" "And the catalyst for both the deaths, it appears, was a smuggled orchid." "Which, now I'm pretty certain, was eventually bought by Munro Hilliard." "And as a result, he too was murdered." "Munro Hilliard?" "I should have brought my suspicions about Madeline's smuggling activities to you, shouldn't I?" "The prospect of cracking an international smuggling ring, of watching the culprits being brought to justice, being hailed as the saviour of orchid habitats in remote corners of the world, clouded my judgement." "Is that so terrible, Mr Barnaby?" "The consequences were so terrible." "A bit of common sense would have told you what could happen." "But there was never a chair in common sense at the university." "I was going through Munro's papers and found this." "It appears that Madam's late husband arranged to pay ã175,000 from one of his offshore accounts to Mrs Plummer." "Was the payment made?" "No, sir." "There being no sign of the orchid," "Madam had the account frozen." "PHONE BEEPS Oh, I'm sorry." "I know this is a very, very trying time for you, but do you recall your husband mentioning the name Fong?" "Mr Jimmy Fong." "I've never heard the name before." "No?" "This has been very useful." "Thank you." "And as it happens, our Mr Fong is waiting for us at Causton police station." "As sole beneficiary of the late Miss Villiers' will, my client would like returned to him certain items removed illegally from her safe." "Legally removed, Mr Jocelyn, in order to further our enquiries into her death." "If you don't mind, I'd like to ask your client a direct question." "Mr Fong, last time we met you, you were delivering a Chinese meal and calling yourself Weng Tu Ho." "Just trying to do a fellow Chinaman a favour." "I always eat at the Happy House when I come to England." "And the business which brought you here was your very lucrative orchid smuggling, I presume." "My client will certainly not answer that question!" "He's here of his own volition to reclaim his unlawfully seized property." "Not to be questioned about alleged criminal activities for which you have absolutely no evidence!" "It's OK, Mr Jocelyn." "I've devoted all my life to saving threatened orchids from extinction." "That's a new slant." "My client will make no further comment on this line of questioning." "Perhaps your client will be kind enough to tell us what he is doing in Midsomer." "I came here..." "to marry Madeline Villiers and to take her away on honeymoon to Switzerland." "But she was having it off with somebody else, so you killed her, didn't you?" "Kill her?" "For that?" "She was sleeping with half the village, wasn't she?" "Are insults to the dead all you've got left in your arsenal?" "I'm no saint, believe you me." "But I loved her." "And she loved me." "I would never kill her!" "Mr Fong, did you kill Henry Plummer?" "And Munro Hilliard?" "In order to recover the orchid for which your...intended had already died?" "Mrs Plummer, may I put this to you?" "That you stole the yellow roth from your husband's collection because Munro Hilliard had secretly agreed to buy it from you " "It was my orchid, dammit!" "Henry had paid for it with my money!" "But yes, you're right." "Hilliard had agreed to buy it." "So you go round to collect the cash, but either he refused to pay it to you or he hadn't got it." "You attacked him with a fork and took it back." "Attacked him with a fork?" "!" "I've never heard such a load of rubbish in all my life!" "But you did sell him the orchid." "Well, that I will admit to." "You see, I didn't go to London immediately after the flower show." "The thought of 150 grand's-worth of plant just sitting there was too much for me." "He'd already gone into town, so I took the orchid." "Then I thought, "What the hell?" "Why don't I put a stop to this orchid lunacy once and for all?"" "There's no law against it." "I checked." "But there is - against selling smuggled orchids." "You have to prove it was smuggled first." "How was your crispy duck, by the way?" "Delivered by the famous orchid smuggler himself, Mr Jimmy Fong." "Not enough barbecue sauce." "There never is." "But he wasn't just bringing you a Chinese takeaway, was he?" "He was bringing you some bad news." "So, where's the rest of the money your husband owed to Miss Villiers?" "I don't have it." "Mm-hm." "Then you'd better find it pretty quick." "Because when I come back," "I want either cash or orchid!" "You understand?" "Who delivered the orchid to Mr Hilliard?" "I did." "I mean, we did." "Run me over to the manor house." "I don't want anyone to recognise my car up there." "I thought he was going to have a heart attack." "I don't want to sound vulgar, Munro, but what about the money?" "The money didn't come through." "So, I got Rose to run me up there again yesterday." "But he wasn't there." "No sign of him." "Munro?" "I'll give him a ring again." "I'm still waiting for my money." "You'll be waiting a very long time." "Munro Hilliard was murdered." "Round about the same time as Rose drove you up there yesterday." "Murdered?" "The orchid's gone." "Mrs Hilliard's frozen her husband's bank accounts." "Oh, my God!" "I'm ruined!" "Where's my orchid?" "Where's my money?" "Oh, my God!" "I'm broke!" "You know where that orchid is." "You probably killed Mr Hilliard to get it back." "No!" "You've got it all wrong!" "He was already dead when I found him!" "Let her go." "No end to your talent, is there?" "So, you were the obliging chauffeur, were you?" "I didn't have a choice, did I?" "That's all I did." "Dropped her off a couple of times and waited." "Yeah, I bet." "It's the truth." "Or did you go back to the manor house, skewer Mr Hilliard, and then nick the plant for yourself?" "We are trying very hard to think of a reason not to arrest you for the murder of Munro." "Help us out, Harry." "There was one thing." "Now I come to think of it." "While I was waiting there," "I noticed something weird." "Right, Harry." "Let's go." "Now!" "I saw this old butcher's bike propped up against the wall." "I remember thinking to myself at the time," ""All the butchers round here drive vans."" "What meat would anybody deliver on that thing?" "A butcher's bicycle?" "Are you sure about that?" "It is very pretty, that." "Mr Barnaby." "I still find it hard to believe it's worth a quarter of a million quid." "That is, I take it," "Papheopedilum Rothschildianum flavum?" "The yellow roth." "If only!" "You got the genus right, but this is the sanderianum." "It's exquisite, isn't it?" "We just take your word for that, do we?" "The point is no longer about plant appreciation." "We are here to ask you about the murder of Munro Hilliard." "What can I possibly tell you about that?" "Where were you yesterday afternoon?" "I was right here." "Why do you ask?" "Because your bicycle was seen outside Hilliard's house yesterday afternoon." "Well, I..." "I lent it to Jonathan." "Makepeace?" "Is he here now?" "You'll find him in the palm house." "DIGGING" "What a perfect place to hide the orchid that has already cost three lives." "What do you want?" "Want?" "!" "I want to talk to you about three murders." "Stay away or I'll use it, I promise you!" "No more penalty points." "It's bad enough as it is." "What do you think you're doing?" "For God's sake, put that down!" "I would do as the professor asks." "That is the stolen orchid, isn't it?" "The yellow roth?" "Yes, it is." "Munro Hilliard was willing to pay ã175,000 for that, Jonathan." "You've got someone else in mind who's paying a good deal more." "A quarter of a million, maybe?" "It's the only one in the world!" "THUD AND SPLASH" "We have a witness who will testify that Professor Winstanley's bike, which she lent to you, was seen outside Hilliard's house at the relevant time." "And your prints were on the fork." "The moment you laid eyes upon it, you recognised it." "The yellow roth." "You and I could breed from it, Mr Hilliard." "We could make millions." "You think I do this for the money?" "You greedy little tyke!" "I'm not breeding anything from this beauty." "All my life I've waited for a moment like this." "Not even my father, nor my grandfather before him, ever saw such a perfect bloom." "Then let's say you give me ã200,000 or I inform the police." "Blackmail?" "How dare you?" "Get out of here, you bloody upstart!" "You're not fit to be in the same room as this beautiful plant." "We'll see about that." "I threatened to report him and he attacked me." "Self-defence." "That's what I'll say in court and no-one can prove otherwise." "Madeline Villiers had no intention of marrying you, had she?" "It was she who jilted you." "It was the other way round." "It was the last entry in her diary." "Then, in a fit of rage at seeing your smuggling ambitions go up in smoke, you killed her." "Are you mad?" "Are you suffering from dementia or something?" "No, Jonathan, I'm not." "You don't know my future husband." "Although you've lain in my bed to try and coax his name out of me." "But he and I are made for each other." "We're meant to spend our last years together." "It's our destiny." "So, you just used me, didn't you?" "You debauched old bat!" "I was only your toy boy after all, wasn't I?" "Don't play the innocent with me, Jonathan." "I'd hate to think that was all there was to our affair." "Tell me, or you'll drink every last drop." "Don't be stupid, Jonathan." "Tell me!" "Jonathan, please!" "Tell me." "Please, Jonathan!" "I beg you!" "Tell me." "Henry Plummer." "You must have held on to her until the hemlock started to work." "And then went round to steal the orchid from Henry Plummer." "But something unexpected happened, didn't it, Jonathan?" "You did this!" "Hilliard sent you, didn't he?" "You destroyed everything!" "You toe-rag!" "And all for a single orchid." "Not just any old orchid." "The rarest orchid in the whole world!" "Margaret." "I'm sorry." "He was such a promising student." "Such a terrible waste." "Sgt Scott will need to take a statement from you." "Is that OK?" "Whenever." "I'm sorry." "(SNEEZES)" "You're not sleeping here, are you?" "Of course." "Looking after this is like looking after a baby." "Only I don't have to change its nappies!" "Join me on my night watch, if you like." "Brother Robert!" "Your eulogy for Miss Villiers was lovely, very fitting." "Very good of you to say so." "I had the advantage of knowing the lady more... intimately than most of the congregation." "Thank you for it." "Goodbye." "Mr Barnaby." "I just..." "I wanted to thank you for giving me a second chance." "Oh, Harry!" "Best of luck with it." "Stay out of trouble." "I will." "Gamekeeper turning poacher, sir." "And heading for a long and restful retirement, I trust." "We're going to Mount Kinabalu to carry out Madeline's last wish." "And what was that?" "She wanted her ashes scattered as fertiliser on the jungle slopes." "She'll help grow unique orchid, which we'll name after her." "Enjoy your trip." "You know, I think I'll let someone else organise the flower show next year." "Oh, yes." "So, what about that lunch you promised me?" "I'm going to surprise you all here." "Lunch is on me." "Chinese, anyone?" "ITFC Subtitles SALLY GRAY"