"He hasn't left me with a single shot." " In that case, call a safety." " Safety?" "It's a defensive strategy." "You can't make a shot, so leave the cue ball where Tuvok can't either." " That sounds cowardly." " Suit yourself, pal." "But if you leave Vulcan Slim with an open shot, he'll run the table." "All right." "Safety." "Let's see you reason your way out of this conundrum." "This safety business is satisfying." "I've left him with an impossible shot." "The shot may be difficult, but "impossible" is an exaggeration." "Go ahead, then." "Call your shot." "If I strike the cue ball properly, it will deflect off the rear bumper, then the side, then cause the eleven ball to roll into the corner pocket." "This I have to see." "Perhaps the ship's stabilisers are not operating efficiently." "Maybe Tom Terrific here forgot to mention that the table runs to the east." "You should have called a safety." "Neelix, please report to the bridge." "You wanted to see me, Captain?" "We've received a message from an approaching vessel." " They're asking for you." " Me?" " The ship is entering visual range." " Slow to impulse." "On screen." "Do you recognise it?" " That's a Haakonian shuttle." " Haakonian?" "My people were at war with them for almost a decade." "They conquered my Homeworld more than 15 years ago." "What would the Haakonians want with you now?" " No idea." " The shuttle is hailing us." " Open a channel." " Channel open." "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager." " What can we do for you?" " As I stated in my message," "I understand you have a Talaxian called Neelix aboard." " I'm Neelix." "What do you want?" " It is a matter of utmost urgency." "However, I would prefer to speak with you privately." "Your life may very well depend upon it." " Who are you?" " Forgive me." "I am Jetrel." "Dr Ma'Bor Jetrel." "Neelix." "He's a mass murderer!" "When I was much younger, my family and I lived on a moon called Rinax, a colony with the most temperate climate in the Talaxian System." "Warm days, balmy nights." "Until the metreon cascade." "Melodic name, isn't it?" "Especially for a weapon of mass destruction." "And Jetrel was involved with this weapon?" "Dr Jetrel was the scientist who conceived the metreon cascade, then he led the team of scientists who built it." " I see." " In the blink of an eye," "Rinax was enveloped by a deadly cloud." "Those lovely days turned into one endless, frigid night." "More than 300,000 were killed." "But you survived." "I had the good fortune to be on Talax at the time, with our defence forces, preparing for an invasion that never came." "It wasn't necessary." "The day after the cascade was deployed," "Talax surrendered unconditionally to the Haakonian Order." "And your family?" "I am so sorry." "Dr Jetrel." "Lieutenant Tuvok, my chief of security." "I have heard of your transporter technology, but to experience it first-hand is truly remarkable." " Mr Neelix has declined to meet you." " That's not surprising." "I am not a very popular figure among the Talaxian people." "May we show you to your quarters?" "Mr Neelix has allowed me to speak on his behalf." "You said he may be in danger." "It's imperative that he undergo a medical examination." " For what purpose?" " Records show he returned to Rinax after the cascade in order to evacuate survivors." "He was exposed to metreon isotopes." "Several rescuers have developed a blood disease called metremia." " Is it serious?" " I'm afraid that it's fatal." "The disease attacks on a molecular level." "It may lay dormant for years, but once it manifests itself, it will cause the body's atomic structure to undergo fission." "The cells will disintegrate." "My equipment can detect the subatomic signature of the disorder." "Why have you taken it upon yourself to examine Mr Neelix?" "I've evaluated as many members of the team as possible in the hope that my research will lead to a cure." "Please try to persuade Mr Neelix to see me." "Each Talaxian I screen brings me one step closer to a cure." "Why didn't you ever tell me about the war?" "Maybe this is one experience that can't be shared." "It's too... hard to describe how I feel to someone who didn't see what I saw." " I'm sorry." " You've nothing to be sorry about." " Excuse me." " Back from the doctor's already?" "I'm afraid I have some disturbing news, Neelix." "Nothing you tell me could make this day more disturbing than it's been." "Jetrel says you were exposed to dangerous levels of metreon poisoning, and may develop a fatal blood disorder." "He wants to screen you for the disease." "Captain, please tell Dr Jetrel that I am touched by his concern for my state of health, but that I'd rather be immersed in a pit of eels than be examined by him." "If there's something wrong we should know." "I don't want that man within ten parsecs of me." "I understand your feelings, but this is your life." "Don't either of you find it the slightest bit strange that a man who has made it his life's work to destroy as many Talaxians as possible should suddenly be concerned with this Talaxians health?" "I don't know what his motives are." "Maybe he's trying to undo some of the damage his weapon caused." "He seems sincere and I have no reason to doubt him." "If the disease is fatal, what's the point of knowing if I have it?" "Our Doctor is the most skilled physician we've ever met." "If you have this disease, he won't stop until he's found a way to treat it." "And if you don't have the disease, at least you'll have peace of mind." "Peace of mind is a relative thing, Captain." "Just hear what he has to say." "Then if you still don't want him to examine you, we won't force you." "Outnumbered and outflanked." "All right, then." "I surrender." "The metreon isotopes are unique." "Their rate of decay is highly variable." "It's sometimes years before metremia sets in." " And..." " Why are you doing this?" " I beg your pardon?" " Is it all just scientific curiosity, metreons and isotopes?" "Or do you feel guilty about what you did?" "Guilty?" "I do not regret it." "I did what had to be done." "Really?" "It was necessary to vaporise a quarter of a million people and leave thousands of others to be poisoned?" "Would it help if I said we never thought there would be any radiation poisoning, that anyone close enough to be exposed would be killed by the blast?" " It was unfortunate we were wrong." " Unfortunate?" "Did you hear that, Captain?" "It was "unfortunate"." " I think what Dr Jetrel is saying..." " It's all right." "I'm used to it." "I'm simply a scientist." "Yes, I developed the weapon." "But the government and the military leaders decided to use it, not I." "That must be a very convenient distinction for you." "Does it help you sleep at night?" "I slept no worse last night than any other night for the past 15 years." " What does that mean?" " That I must live with my conscience." "As you must live with yours." "How many did you kill during the war?" "Gentlemen, please." "This is obviously very difficult, but we are not here to debate history." "We are here to discuss Neelix's condition." "Don't worry about it, Captain." "Dr Jetrel will have to find himself another laboratory rodent." "Because I would rather die than help you ease your conscience." "I do not expect you to like me, Mr Neelix, nor do I hope to allay your obvious pain with moral arguments." "But I do believe I can help you." "If not you, others of your race." "Isn't that more important than punishing me?" "Are you sure you can't do this?" "Your confidence in me is flattering, Mr Neelix." "But Dr Jetrel's instruments are made to analyse Talaxian physiology." "Just get it over with." "Did I ever tell you about the notorious two-tailed talchoks of Rinax?" " I don't think so." " Nasty little vermin." "Sharp claws." "Dripping fangs." "Quite a nuisance." "So one summer, when I was a boy, I decided to do something about them." "I spent weeks tinkering, creating a foolproof talchok trap." "Once I perfected it, I set it in the garden." "The next day I found one of those beasts, pinned at the neck." "But it wasn't dead." "It was squirming and squealing in agony." "It didn't look so fiendish any more." "It looked like a poor, innocent animal." " What a horrible story." " I was so fascinated with my invention that I never thought about how that creature would suffer." " Are you finished?" " For now." " So am I." " And?" " I'm sorry, Mr Neelix." " Why are you sorry?" "I'm afraid you have incipient metremia." "Come in." " How are you feeling?" " Kes, my sweet." "This is not the first time I've stared into the gaping maw of death." "During the Battle of the Pyrithian Gorge," "I faced down an entire battery of Haakonian artillery." " There I was, with almost no cover..." " You're protecting me again." "I understand your not wanting to talk about Rinax." "I wasn't there." "You're right." "But I'm here now." "With you." "We have to face this together." "There's one good thing that will come from all this." "When I first met you, I didn't know that your species only lived nine years." "I fell in love with you without knowing how lonely it would be to live without you after you're gone." "Now that I'm going to die first, I don't have to worry about it." "Before I met you, nine years seemed like an eternity." "It never occurred to me that anyone could live longer." "Now, no matter how many years we have left, it doesn't seem like enough." "But the important thing is to cherish whatever time we have." "Whether it's a day or a decade." " Come in." " Am I interrupting?" "Please." "Sit down." "Captain, I must tell you, your ship is simply astounding." " I've been studying your transporters." " Transporters?" "You're not more concerned with Neelix?" "Forgive me, but that is what I'm here to talk about." "With relatively few minor modifications, the transporter could be used to retrieve a sample of the metreon cloud." " To what end?" " I've always believed that if I could isolate the isotope that causes metremia, it could be used to synthesise an antibody." "A victim's immune system could destroy the disease." "Yes, and your transporter system makes it all possible." " Can the isotope be transported?" " Yes." "A containment field would prevent contamination." "Our Doctor could help you synthesise the antibody." "My thoughts exactly." " Janeway to bridge." " Chakotay here." "Tractor Dr Jetrel's vessel in and lay in a course for the Talaxian System." " That's a significant detour." " I'm aware of that." " But it may mean saving Neelix's life." " Understood." "I'll request permission from Talax to transport material." "Lieutenant Torres can help you with the transporter modifications." " Thank you, Captain." " Thank you, Dr Jetrel." "It's a very promising idea." "What is it?" "I think I'm just a little overexcited about the prospect of discovering a cure." "And all that sparring with Mr Neelix does take a toll." " Let the Doctor have a look at you." " No, I'm fine." "And there's so much to be done." "I want to start right away." "Captain's log, stardate 48832.1." "Neelix is allowing Dr Jetrel to continue metabolic scans to facilitate treatment once the antibody has been synthesised." " Will you be needing my assistance?" " Not until we have the isotope." "Is there anything more I can do for you?" "Very well." "Computer, override command 1-EMH-Alpha." "End program." "Incredible." "A hologram that can deactivate itself." "Is there anything besides science that makes your heart beat faster?" "Not anymore." "Now will you please sit down?" "You know what I've been thinking?" "If I'd been in charge of the cascade," "I'd have..." "I don't know..." "chosen a military target, simply deployed it on an uninhabited planet." "Somehow I don't think I'd have targeted innocent civilians." "The strategists did not think a demonstration would work." "They wanted to show the cascade's power in all its horror." "You should have tried to stop them!" "Why didn't you speak out?" "People would have listened to you." "It would not have made any difference." "If I had not discovered the cascade, it would have been someone else." "It was inevitable, one discovery flowing naturally to the next." "Something so enormous as science will not stop for something as small as man." " So you did it for science?" " For my planet." "And yes, for science." "To know whether or not it could be done." "It's good to know how the world works." "It is not possible to be a scientist unless you believe that all the universe's knowledge and all its power is of intrinsic value to everyone." "And one must share that knowledge and allow it to be applied." "And then be willing to live with the consequences." "Consequences?" "Who are you to talk about consequences?" "You are not the only one to lose family during the war." " Your family was killed?" " Nothing as clean as death." "When I returned home after the cascade to my lovely wife, Ka'Ree, she could not bear to look at me." "When I reached out for her, she'd pull away, as if I had some contagious disease." "You see, like you, she thought I had become a monster." "Shortly after that, she took my three children." "And I have not seen them since." "That's a sad story, Jetrel." "But let me tell you another one." "A man goes back to Rinax after the cascade." "Back to what had been his home." "To look for survivors." "But the impact of the blast has set off fires and there's nothing there." "Just smouldering ruins." "The stench of seared flesh." "But in the distance, in the middle of the emptiness, from out of this huge cloud of billowing dust," "he can see bodies moving." "Whimpering." "Coming toward him." "They're monsters, their flesh horribly charred, the colour of shale." "One of them comes toward him... mangled arms outstretched... and he can't help it, he turns away, frightened." "But then the thing speaks." "He knows by the sound of her voice that she's not a monster, but a child." "A little girl." "Mr Neelix, I..." "Her name was Palaxia." "We brought her back to Talax with the other survivors." "Over the next few weeks I stayed at her bedside, and watched her wither away." "Those are consequences, Dr Jetrel." "There is no way I can ever apologise to you, Mr Neelix." "That's why I have not tried." "Did you ever think that maybe your wife was right?" "That you had become a monster?" "Yes." "The day we tested the cascade, when I saw that blinding light, brighter than 1,000 suns," "I knew at that moment exactly what I had become." "I hope you have to live with that a very long time." "I'm afraid you will not get your wish, Mr Neelix." "And why is that?" "I have advanced metremia." "I'll be dead in a matter of days." " It's your turn." " There's no open shot." "Why don't you call a safety?" "Isn't that what you always do?" " I'm no coward." " Really?" "Wait!" "It's my turn!" "You lost your chance to play, now you're going to lose." "Neelix, where did you go?" "Why did you leave us?" " I did what I thought was right." " You were afraid." "No!" "I..." " Neelix." " Who are you?" "It's me." "Palaxia." "Why weren't you there to help us?" "You!" "You did this!" "Butcher!" "Bridge to Neelix." "Here, Captain." "I thought you'd like to know, we're approaching Rinax." "Neelix?" "Thank you, Captain." "I'll be right there." "Entering synchronous orbit, Captain." "Hard to believe that on clear nights you could look up from Talax and see the shimmering lights of the colony." "The night of the cascade, a bright flash cut across the sky, so blinding that people threw themselves to the ground." "And everything stopped." "Like a moment out of time." "We all looked up to see where the flash had come from." "But the sky seemed oddly empty." "Took most of us a few seconds to realise it was because Rinax was... gone." "The moon was there." "We just couldn't see it because of that metreon cloud." "Engineering to bridge." "We're ready to begin transporter presequencing." "This brings back too many memories, Captain." "If you'll excuse me." "Of course." "I believe I asked for a larger container." "We're talking about a cloud sample large enough to contain a few sub-atomic particles, right?" "Yes, but the isotope accounts for just a minuscule fraction of the cloud." " I want to be sure we get enough." " We do this all the time." "Captain, I'm ready to begin transport." " Proceed." " Targeting scanners." "Locking on." "Energise." "We have the sample aboard." "The containment field is holding." "Well done." "Janeway out." "Good luck, Doctor." "Neelix?" "Are you in here?" "I've been looking for you everywhere." "Why did you take your combadge off?" " I wanted to be alone." " I'm sorry to bother you." "But I was worried." "I know how you must feel." "No, you don't know!" "Not everything." "You don't know where I was the night Rinax was destroyed." "On Talax, fighting with the defence forces." "I was on Talax." "But I wasn't fighting with the defence forces." "I was hiding from them." "I wasn't a hero at the Battle of the Pyrithian Gorge." " I've never even been there." " I don't understand." " I never reported for duty." " Why not?" "I thought the war was unjust." "That Talax was fighting for reasons that weren't worth killing for." "Or at least that's what I told myself." "But the real reason I didn't report was because I was a coward." "Now you know." "If the authorities had caught you, what would they have done?" "During wartime, punishment for refusing military service was death." "So you put your life at risk for something you believed in." "And you think that makes you a coward?" "I don't understand." "It makes me a liar." "I've lied about it all these years." "To everyone." " Because you're dishonest?" " Because I'm ashamed." "What an awful burden you've carried all these years." " No wonder you're so angry with Jetrel." " Course I am!" "He killed them all." "My mother, my father, my little brothers." "Is that really why?" "Ever since Jetrel came on board you've despised him." "The hurt and anger you've held in all these years was vented at him." "But was it really Jetrel you're angry with?" "Is he the one you blame for what happened?" " I don't know." " Or was he just a convenient target to keep you from looking somewhere else?" "You mean... from looking at myself?" "You may be right." "But I hate him." "I don't think I can stop hating him." "Maybe you have to stop hating yourself first." "Are we ready to begin synthesis?" "Computer, override command 1-EMH-Alpha and end program." "Just wait..." " Dr Jetrel." " You startled me!" " I'm sorry but I need to speak..." " Could we talk later?" "It won't be long before I am too weak to work." "I would like to finish before I die." "What is that?" "You're engaging in some bizarre experiment, aren't you?" " What is it this time?" " I can help them." "What do you call that?" "Scientific progress?" "I'm going to the Captain." " Any progress report from Dr Jetrel?" " Not yet." "Bridge to sickbay." "Janeway to sickbay." "Janeway to Dr Jetrel." "Computer, activate Emergency Medical Hologram." "What's going on down there, Doctor?" "Dr Jetrel deactivated me." "He's gone now." "Computer, locate Dr Jetrel." "Dr Jetrel is in transporter room 1." "And Mr Neelix is unconscious." "It appears he's been tranquillised." "You have the bridge." "Security to transporter room 1." "Tuvok." " Step aside, Doctor." " I must continue." "Lives depend on it." "You're beginning to lose credibility." "Captain, I beg you." "Let me bring them back." "Bring who back?" "Who, Doctor?" "Who is it you're going to bring back?" "The victims of Rinax." " He's out of his mind, Captain." " Please." "Look at my calculations." "You remember what I told you about metremia." "How it causes the body's atomic structure to undergo fission." "It mirrors the way the metreon cascade vaporised its victims through biomolecular disintegration." " Do we have to listen to this?" " I think we should hear him out." "What I've been working on for the past 15 years is a way to rebuild that atomic structure." "What I call regenerative fusion." "Are you saying you're actually trying to restore people who were vaporised by the metreon cascade?" " Yes!" " I don't see how that's possible." "The properties of the cloud are such that the disassembled bio-matter has been held in a state of animated suspension." "Reintegration is possible." "Is that what you were doing with that thing in sickbay?" "Yes." "Exactly." "Neelix saw it." "It was an amalgamation of randomly fused organic material, bits and pieces of previously vaporised bio-matter." "But if the bio-matter in the cloud is so random, so jumbled, how could you reconstruct something whole?" "I identified the genetic coding of a specific victim." "A test case." "Once we input his DNA sequence, then we can isolate his atomic fragments with targeting scanners and then rematerialise him." "What if he's right?" "Dr Jetrel's proposing the reconstruction of a complex set of bio-systems from billions of subatomic particles." "I'm afraid I have to agree." "It all sounds very implausible." "You sound exactly like my country." "I asked them for more funds to continue my research to help Rinax victims because I wanted the world to know I'm not a monster." "My theories can be used to heal as well as to destroy." "But they refused me, called me a Talaxian sympathiser, and exiled me." "Does Neelix really have metremia?" "Or was that just a pretext for getting us to come to Rinax?" "It was just a pretext, Captain." "You do not have metremia." "You are not going to die." "Why didn't you just tell us the truth?" "Your Captain is an accomplished scientist." "She doubts my theories." "My government did, too." "I just could not risk being not believed again." "But, Captain... it will work." "Captain, if there's any chance he can do it, you've got to let him try." "Neelix, there are just too many variables." "Please, Captain." "Activate the emergency containment field around the transporter pad." "Aye, Captain." "Emergency containment field activated." "Retarget scanners to a wide confinement beam." "It's our only hope of achieving bond cohesion." " Retargeting scanners to wide beam." " Energise." "Phase transition coils to maximum." " Is the biogenic field operational?" " Affirmative." "It's incredible!" "Atomic cohesion has dropped to 49%." " Buffers to maximum power." " They are at 100%." " Take them to 120%." " Pattern buffers to 120%." " We're losing him." " Atomic cohesion to 39%." "22%. 14%." " His pattern is degrading." " Increase the power to the buffers!" "Is there any way to augment the biogenic field?" "The degree of fragmentation is too great." "We are overloading the system." "Shut it down, Mr Tuvok." "Captain's log, stardate 48840.5." "Dr Jetrel's metremia is now in its final stage." "He's spending his remaining hours in sickbay." "Neelix!" "I suppose you think this is a fitting punishment for me." "Maybe the cascade was a punishment for all of us." "For our hatred." "Our brutality." "There's something I need to tell you." "I tried to tell you before, but..." "What is it?" "I want to tell you... that I forgive you."