"Dick:" "Charlie Bradbury." "Aah!" "Geez!" "Charlie:" "I erase the drive first." "Then I go back to my old life, right?" "You don't have an old life anymore." "Never contact me again, like, ever." "If you stay, I would be with you." "But if you leave..." "don't come back." "Whatever you decide decide." "Listen, Benny, everything you've done for me I will never forget." "But, uh..." "End of the line?" "Adios." "[ Lock turns ]" "[ Door creaks ]" "How dare you?" "Lance." "Yeah, that's right." "I'm talking to Lance, not -- well, then we both cut corners to get close to her, but that wasn't cheating." "Dude, it's just a game." "[ Sighs ] [ Cellphone beeps ]" "It's just a game." "[ Cellphone chimes ]" "[ Hoofbeats ]" "[ Horse snorts ]" "[ Neighing ]" "[ Whip cracks ]" "Help!" "[ Ropes creaking ] Help!" "Help me!" "[ Screaming ]" "♪ Supernatural 8x11 ♪ LARP and the Real Girl Original Air Date on January 23, 2013" "== sync, corrected by elderman ==" "[ Doobie Brothers' "China Grove" plays ]" "♪ They say that the father's insane ♪" "♪ and dear Mrs. Perkins a game ♪" "♪ We're talking 'bout the China ♪" "You okay, man?" "♪ Whoa, ho, ho" "We have the most powerful weapon we've ever had against demons, and we can't find a way to use it." "Yeah, well, Kevin's on it." "And when he finds something, he'll call." "So we wait." "Look, we have both had a rough go over these past couple of weeks." "And, uh..." "I know what you gave up wasn't easy." "Maybe we ought to take the night off -- go see a flick, hit a bar or two, have some fun." "You remember fun, don't you, Sammy?" "[ Cellphone ringing ]" "[ Cellphone beeps ]" "Kevin, what do you got?" "Garth:" "Hey." "Garth." "Hey." "Why don't you grab a piece of paper?" "Really?" "Okay." "Uh, yeah." "Thanks, man." "Yeah, all right." "Oh, wait, hey -- hey, Garth." "Garth, are you there?" "Yeah." "H-how'd you know where we are?" "Yeah, you've been Garthed." "Look, it's bad enough that you're tracking us, but it's even worse when you say we've been "Garthed."" "[ Clears throat ] Yeah." "[ Cellphone beeps ]" "Okay, we got to lose the GPS on our phones because Garth has been tracking us, and other hunters, apparently, to assign cases." "Smart." "A total Bobby move." "What's the deal?" "Uh, well, it's close -- Farmington Hills, Michigan." "Dude got ripped limb from limb inside his locked apartment." "That's not good." "Working a case." "As long as we're waiting on Kevin, that'll be our fun." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "Sheriff." "Special Agent Taggart." "This is my partner, Special Agent Rosewood." "FBI?" "You guys are quick." "Haven't even got the body out yet." "Well, the FBI is all work, no play." "You know, why don't you give me the tour while my partner looks around?" "I work better on my own." "Your world, Agent." "Follow me." "[ Warbling ]" "Vic's name was Ed Nelson, 31 years old, an insurance-claim adjuster." "He lived alone, which was a real shocker, considering his place is full of toys." "[ Chuckles ] So what happened?" "No sign of forced entry." "Near as we can tell, he was tied up and pulled apart." "Died of the shock or massive blood loss." "Dealer's choice on that one." "So what about these chains?" "That's actually chain mail." "Seriously?" "[ Chuckles ]" "We did find clear rope-burn marks on his wrists and ankles." "Huh." "So, anything... missing from the body?" "You mean aside from the arms and legs?" "Uh..." "[ Chuckling ] Nope." "All there -- twig and berries, too." "What about the neighbors?" "Did they hear anything weird?" "Uh, neighbor downstairs said she got woke up in the middle of the night by the sound of horses stomping their feet and galloping." "We didn't find any hoofprints." "She probably heard a TV or was having a bad dream or she was high as balls." "Fortunately, we got a real lead off his cellphone." "According to the phone records," "Ed's last call was from a guy called Lance Jacobsen, an accountant, also 30s, also lives alone." "How's he a lead?" "The two of them talked together for 15 minutes, and then Lance sent Ed here all kinds of angry texts." "Some of them were your typical threat stuff, but some were a little weird." "Weird how?" "Like, uh..." ""You shall bleed for your crimes against us,"" "followed by the emoticon of a skull." "And this beauty " ""I am a mage." "I will destroy you."" "These kids today with their texting and murder." "My men just brought Lance into the station for questioning." "Well, we're gonna need to take first crack at the suspect." "Like I said, Agent, it's your world." "[ Door opens, closes ]" "Sam:" "Lance Jacobsen?" "We're with the FBI." "The FBI?" "[ Sighs ] I can't believe this is happening." "[ Crying ] I can't believe Ed's dead." "[ Sobbing ]" "Dean:" "Lance?" "Lance, just -- just breathe." "Just breathe." "You're fine." "[ Sobbing ]" "We just need to ask you a few questions." "Try to calm down." "We want to know about the, uh -- the texts you sent Ed last night." "I told them when they brought me in those texts weren't from me." "Well, your phone and Ed's phone say otherwise." "No, I mean, they were from me, but they weren't from me me." "Did you really think that sentence was gonna clear things up?" "[ Sighs ] I'm sorry." "This is all a big misunderstanding." "Those text messages were from Greyfox the Mystic to Thargrim the Difficult." "Our characters in Moondoor." "Moondoor is a game that Ed and I play." "We're Larpers." "Live-action role-playing?" "Right." "Larping." "Good times." "We play Moondoor every other weekend at Heritage Park." "All the info about it is on our website." "You guys have a website." "Yeah, one of the players designed it." "In fact, if you log onto the site, they should have posted pictures from last night's feast." "I was there all night." "What does any of this have to do with the texts?" "I play a character named Greyfox the Mystic." "I'm a very, very powerful mage in the game." "Okay, uh, very powerful." "Go on." "Ed is..." "[ Sighs ]" "Ed was Thargrim the Difficult of the Elder Forest, son of Hargrim and Bouphin, brother to " "he was Lancelot to my Merlin." "Ah." "Well, if you guys were so tight, then why the threatening messages?" "We were named to the queen's honor guard, in anticipation of the coming Battle of Kingdoms this weekend." "I thought he broke protocol, so I called Ed after game hours and accused him of cheating, and then I challenged him to a duel." "A duel?" "Wands and swords at dawn." "[ Clears throat ]" "Now, when you say "wands" do you mean magic wands?" "No." "Un-magic wands, Agent." "Because what I really want in a duel is an un-magic wand." "Yes!" "Fake wands!" "It's a game!" "I can't believe it." "Oh, ye Gods!" "Thargrim the Difficult has fallen!" "[ Sobbing ]" "L-Lance " " Lance." "Hang in there, champ." "[ Inhales sharply ]" "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "[ Sighs ] So?" "Do you believe Dungeons  Dragons?" "He didn't put a whammy on us." "Those weren't crocodile tears, man." "That's not our guy." "This could be "Fifty Shades of Greyfox" for all we know." "All right, well, let's check out Moondoor site, see if Lance's story checks out." "[ Sighs ]" "[ Keyboard clacking ]" ""Welcome to Moondoor, Michigan's largest larping game"." "And I thought we needed to get out more." "[ Chuckles ]" "Hmm." "There's our guy." "Huh." "[ Chuckling ] It actually looks kind of awesome." "All right, there's a video." "Man:" "Moondoor." "A world of intrigue, honor, passion." "[ Metal clanging ]" "Four kingdoms -- followers of the Moon, Elves," "Warriors of yesteryear, and the dreaded Shadow Orcs." "All will fight on the fields of never in the biannual Battle of Kingdoms." "Pick up a sword or a mace." "Take control of Moondoor and defend the current ruler..." "Wait, is that the queen of Moons." "Aah, God." "What the hell?" "[ Coughing ]" "[ Screaming ]" "You're gonna want to see this." "[ Mouse clicks ]" "Jake:" "God forbid he was contagious." "I'm gonna go dip myself in hand sanitizer." "No EMF, no hex bags, no sulfur." "I got nada." "You?" "Watch the video again." "There." "See that?" "Same as Ed's." "I don't know." "Maybe they had matching tattoos." "I mean, they were brothers in arms." "You recognize it from anything?" "A Tim Burton movie?" "Aside from the, uh, mark of the creepy here, the only thing these guys have in common is larping." "Lucky for us, we know the queen." "[ Renaissance music plays ] [ Laughter ]" "[ Harp twangs ]" "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "I, Boltar the Furious, bind you to this stock so that all of Moondoor may see you for what you are -- a thief." "[ Muffled ] My Shadow Orc brethren will descend from the Black Hills and the tents of mo" "Uh, hold." "Thanks, Gerry." "Sorry." "Yeah, no problem, Monty." "[ Clears throat ]" "Resume." "[ Muffled ] And the tents of Moondoor will be bathed in blood as we unseat the queen of the Moons from the throne she stole from the rightful heir -- the shadow king." "And you -- silentium!" "Serve your time with honor, heathen." "And if you need to use the chamber pot, stomp your feet thrice." "Excuse me." "Hi." "Uh, you are a larper, yeah?" "I prefer the term "interactive literaturist"." "Right." "Uh, I am Special Agent Rosewood." "This is special Agent Taggart." "Hold!" "Um, guys, we're not doing the whole genre-mash-up thing this weekend." "We only do that every third month." "Uh..." "Come again?" "Your fake badges, the cheap suits." "It's very cool." "I get it." "Your characters are FBI agents that somehow traveled to Moondoor, but I'm telling you it's straight-up Moondoor this weekend." "These aren't fake badges." "Uh, yeah, they are, and they're very good, but, um, well, the I.D. number shifted to 10 digits with two letters mixed in at the end of the year, and, uh, the seal's from last month." "Really good work." "So you got to follow the rules." "If there's no rules -- chaos." "[ Clears throat ] Resume." "If you would like to join the army of moons, the queen is always on the lookout for new squires." "Yes." "Right." "Uh, we would like to see your queen now, please." "Well, the queen's calendar is booked up months in advance." "But if you wish to witness what's in store for you in her army, her highness is overseeing new squires on the pitch as we speak." "[ Grunting ]" "Yield!" "I yield!" "[ Crowd gasps ]" "[ Applause ]" "I love you." "I know." "Take your leave to my medical tent and attend to your..." "severed limbs." "Greyfox and Thargrim are missing." "We pray to the goddess they have not fallen victim of foul play." "In their absence, the honor guard's ranks are weakened." "To join..." "Oh, blerg." "Uh..." "The queen needs some royal "we" time." "Talk amongst thyselves." "[ Clears throat ] Nice balance." "Dude." "Yeah." "Charlie." "Charlie Bradbury is dead." "She died a year ago." "You killed her." "My name is Carrie Heinlein." "Oh, and guess what." "Now you killed her, too." "Okay, listen." "No, I buried myself." "Then Dick Roman went down, his company belly-up, and I figure, "Hey, it's all good"" "and I was fine." "I got my life back." "Now you're here, and if you guys are here, monsters are here." "Why do I have such bad luck?" "What am I -- some kind of monster magnet?" "Is there such a thing as a monster magnet?" "You know what?" "Don't answer that." "I don't care." "What I care about is not getting my other arm broken... or dying." "So, I'm dropping my sword and walking off the stage, bitches." "Have fun storming the castle." "Charlie." "Charlie!" "Greyfox and Thargrim -- uh, Ed and Lance -- they're not missing." "They're dead." "[ Thunder crashes ]" "Drawn and quartered and bleeding out?" "Please stop talking again." "So what do you think did this?" "Well, aside from the mark and them both being larpers, there's really not much else to go on." "Wait, I've seen this before." "It's a Celtic magic symbol." "At least it was in my favorite video game." "Does that help?" "Can I go now?" "It's a start, but no." "Um, listen." "What can you tell us about Ed and Lance?" "Good guys." "Two of the best members of the queen's ever-shrinking army." ""Ever-shrinking"?" "My kingdom has had a lot of bad luck lately, probably 'cause of me, but maybe it's tied to this." "A month ago, one of my guys had both her ankles broken before battle." "Before that, I had three people have hospital-worthy accidents while at home." "You think there's any connection there?" "They have any enemies in common?" "In real life?" "No." "Everyone gets along famously." "In the game, though, they had tons of enemies." "Red reps the followers of the Moon -- my peeps." "Green's for Elves, blue's for Warriors of Yesteryear, and black's for Shadow Orcs -- total d-bags." "This weekend is the Battle of the Kingdoms to see who wears the forever crown." "This weekend, each faction is definitely an enemy of me and mine." "You know, if you, uh..." "[ Clears throat ] ...move your archers back and your broadswordsmen to the west..." "Huh." "Like the warriors." "Yep." "Hey, good call." "Thanks." "What about the southern wall?" "Guys." "Yeah?" "Right." "Sorry." "So maybe someone from one of the other kingdoms got ahold of real magic and started using it to weaken your army." "But why not just come after me?" "And why the escalation?" "All right, we will canvass the kingdoms." "You should get out of here." "We don't want you to get hurt." "Whoa, wait." "Charlie knows Moondoor a lot better than we do." "We need her." "Sam, I think we can take care of a bunch of accountants with foam swords." "We need all the help we can get, Dean." "People are dying." "My point, which is usually yours, is that she should get somewhere safe and get back to a normal life." "Hey, I am right here, and I want to leave." "Thank you." "But the queen..." "[ Sighs ] ...she has to stay." "I mean, Sam is right." "People are dying." "That can't happen on my watch." "And you know what?" "I am tired of running." "I like my life here." "I'm gonna stay and fight for it." "[ Cellphone ringing ]" "[ Cellphone beeps ]" "Yeah." "Okay." "Thanks." "So, the toxicology report came back on Lance." "Nothing." "But the medical examiner said his body showed clear signs that he was killed by Belladonna." "The porn star?" "The porn star?" "The poison." "Oh." "Oh." "Um, however, they couldn't find a trace of it in his system." "Just like they couldn't find ropes in Ed's apartment." "Charlie, I'm gonna need to borrow your laptop." "There are no laptops in Moondoor." "What?" "There are rules." "But there is a tech tent four tents down." "Okay." "How about you guys go canvas, and I'll dig into these accidents and this mark?" "Okay." "I'm gonna need a full wiki on where you guys have been." "But first, you're gonna have to ditch the suit if you're gonna walk and talk with the queen." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "Excuse me." "Do you know if there's a directory of online players?" "Yeah, it's on the website." "All you need is an account to access it." "Um, thanks, uh..." "Maria." "I mean, Gholandria the Wicked." "You sent Sam a phantom text from his ex?" "Dick move, sir." "Yeah, not my finest hour." "So he found some normalcy with this chick, and now it's gone..." "again." "Thanks to you." "Yeah, well, now he's more committed than ever, so there's that." "But, trust me, this life -- you can't afford attachments." "You just got to..." "let go." "Are we still talking about Sam, or did you break up with someone, too?" "Me?" "Yeah." "No." "[ Renaissance music plays ]" "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "Your majesty." "You always been into larping?" "Nah." "For role-play, I prefer a tabletop." "DD, Gamma World, Car Wars." "That's why Cthulhu invented multi-sided dice, right?" "But a buddy of mine was into larping." "Went for him, stayed for the chicks." "[ Laughs ]" "It's not just that, though." "It's an escape." "I mean, here, I'm queen, a hero." "Out there in the real world, I'm just hacking out code and chugging coffee all day long." "Now, wait a second." "If it wasn't for you, we would have never been able to take down Dick Roman." "Out there in the real world, you are a hero." "Woman:" "My queen." "I'm noticing a lot of these maidens checking you out." "What?" "I can't shut this down." "It's good to be queen." "It's -- it's all just part of the game." "[ Chuckles ]" "Genre mash-up." "Cool." "Hey, I know her." "That's Phyllis." "Heard she broke her ankles or something." "Wow." "It looks like she got -- hobbled." "[ Chuckles ]" "Oh, and that's Jamie." "He said someone broke into his house, beat him with his own mace, but " "No signs of a forced entry." "Uh, do you recognize this from Moondoor?" "I-I think it's Celtic?" "No." "Sorry." "But I'll look it up." "Thanks." "I haven't seen anything like it in my travels throughout the realms, your highness." "All right." "Well, if you think of anything, come see me in my tent." "Anytime." "Scratch the Elves off the list." "Mace attacks, hobbling, medieval poisoning -- somebody's targeting the queen's people." "No, not only them." "See, those four are with the Queen, but these two -- they're Elves." "And these two are Warriors." "The only group not to get hit -- the Shadow Orcs." "Last group on the list, impossible to find." "Wait, I know where we can find one." "I met him on the way in." "Perfect." "Maybe he can tell us what the frack this thing is." "It's, uh, the Tree of Pain." "Uh, if you are tagged with this mark, you will be a victim of fairy magic." "Wait." "Fairy magic can be bad?" "Monty: [ Muffled ] Death to the queen!" "Death to the usurper!" "Death to her manservant!" "[ Growls ] What?" "Well, there's no laptops in Moondoor." "There's no Geneva Convention, either." "Hey." "Have you seen this?" "Yeah, of course." "No." "No, I haven't seen it." "Okay, it's the Shadow King's family crest." "You'll never find him in the Black Hills." "Black Hills?" "The forest behind the playground." "Come on." "[ Sighs ] [ Cellphone beeps ]" "All right, uh, well, thank you very much, Gholandria." "Anytime." "I've never done genre-mash-up play before." "That was fun." "First time for everything, right?" "First time for a lot of things if you want to come find my tent later." "Another time." "[ Scoffs ] Your loss." "My queen." "There you are." "I've been searching everywhere for you." "Has this..." "oaf attempted to harm you with his blasphemous metalworks?" "Boltar, he's with me." "This is my new... handmaiden." "We seek an audience with the Shadow King." "Uh, these hills are not safe." "I beseech you, my queen, you should return to camp." "He's right..." "your worshipfulness." "Uh, may I have a moment before you take your leavings?" "Mm." "Handmaiden?" "He was suspicious." "I panicked." "All right, look." "You take my phone." "Find Sam." "We'll find the shadow dorks." "But I can help." "Yeah, you are helping by finding Sam." "Go." "Lead the way to the Orcs, Bolty." "Speak when spoken to, handmaiden." "[ Sighs ]" "[ Rustling ]" "[ Twig snaps ]" "[ Birds cawing ]" "[ Twigs snap ]" "[ Gasps ]" "[ Roars ]" "Ohh!" "Dark magic!" "Ohh!" "My eyes!" "The stinging of your attack burns my very soul!" "[ Groaning ]" "Ohh!" "Dark magic?" "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "[ Sighs ] Well, that was a bust." "You sure the Shadow Orcs are even out there?" "For a handmaiden, you certainly ask many questions." "Yes, I am positive." "They're just very good at hiding themselves." "But a plan has sprung to mind that will draw the Shadow King to us." "We shall take the Shadow Orc held in stock, offer him up as a prisoner exchange." "Draw him out and beat him down." "I like your style, Boltar." "I shall retrieve the prisoner." "You tend to the queen's laundry and chamber pots, then meet me back here." "Nice outfit." "[ Clears throat ]" "You love it." "Right." "Well, while you were, uh, playing dress-up," "I found out that the mark..." "Belongs to the Shadow Orcs." "Yeah." "And they're using fairy magic." "[ Paper rustles ]" "The Tree of Pain." "Awesome." "Whoever gets marked gets ganked." "All right, how do we stop it?" "Find whoever cast the spell, and take them out." "No more whammy, no more marks." "No more marks, no more dead bodies." "Okay, well, perfect." "Our, uh, pal Boltar the chatty is getting the, uh, Shadow Orc prisoner." "We're gonna do a little prisoner exchange, try to draw the king out of hiding." "It was my idea." "Where's Charlie?" "She was with you." "No, I sent her to you." "Charlie?" "Your highness?" "Charlie?" "You know what -- she's got my phone." "Try it." "[ Cellphone beeps ]" "[ Groans ]" "[ Fire crackling ]" "Uh..." "Hi." "I'm the, uh, queen... of Moons." "Nice to meet you." "Great costume, B.T. Dubs." "Right." "Well, this has been a really great kidnapping, but I got to get back to not dying." "So, good talk." "[ Fabric rustles ]" "Wow." "Real magic." "That is really cool, if not mostly terrifying." "Um, right." "Okay." "We can work this out, can't we?" "Get you some gold, my crown." "Ritualistic sacrifice?" "Look." "I am not really a queen." "I'm just an I.T. girl..." "Standing in front of a monster... asking it not to kill her." "Great." "Now the worst period of my life comes to an end." "I saw my boss get eaten by a Leviathan, broke my arm, lived life on the run, finally got it all back, and now a dude in a stag-skull mask is gonna kill me." "I just want my old life back!" "[ Whimpers ]" "That is all I want, as well." "I swear, if anything's happened to her..." "Dude, we checked all the tents." "We'll talk to these guys." "We'll find her." "Ca-caw!" "Ca-caw!" "Man:" "Ca-caw!" "Ca-caw!" "Greetings, heretics." "You should kneel before me, cur." "All right, why don't you let me " "Silence!" "Now, before we exchange, a few announcements." "Um, there is a peewee-league soccer playoff game tomorrow on the alpha field." "We don't want to freak out the mundanes, so we got to move the Battle of Kingdoms to the beta field." "All right." "That's it." "You know what?" "I'm gonna do this the old-fashioned way." "Dean, don't." "What?" "Come on." "No, I'm " "I told you there are -- shut up." "All right." "I need real answers." "This here is a real gun, see?" "[ Gunshot ]" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Hold!" "Hold!" "Geez!" "Now, start talking." "Where's the queen?" "!" "I don't know!" "Yeah, well, your little family crest there tells a different story, pal." "This?" "Yeah." "Uh, I got sick last month after this thing just appeared on my arm." "I thought it looked really cool, so I turned it into my family crest." "I mean, after my dermatologist said it wasn't malignant." "Dean, he's not our guy." "He's just another vic." "My name is Max Hilby." "I'm an attorney." "I have no idea where the queen is, but if you let me go right now, I won't press charges." "I promise." "Um..." "Here." "Uh, take them." "Please." "Go." "Go!" "Go!" "What?" "What?" "!" "Is the queen really in danger?" "Okay, look, I-I noticed something odd down by the creek." "It's this weird tent." "It's not one of ours." "It's kind of creepy." "Why are you being so helpful all of a sudden?" "Look, I harbor an epic crush on the queen." "Maybe you could put in a good word for me when you find her." "I don't think you're her type." "What?" "You mean she's not into Orcs?" "My name is Gilda." "I'm from the Hollow Forest of Arkhmoor." "I'm a fairy." "Mm." "Swoon." "Uh, I mean, how did you get here?" "I was summoned here by a spell." "By whom?" "I don't know his name, but I was brought here to do his bidding." "His bidding?" "That's never good." "My...master, he..." "he has me hurt people." "He's forcing me to." "I'd never hurt anyone." "I'm a fairy -- the good kind." "No, no, I get that." "Why is he doing this?" "I don't know." "He started off with smaller commands, but he's become more violent." "He had me kill two men this week." "Man, someone is taking this game way too seriously." "Game?" "This -- my outfit, all of this -- it's just a game here." "Why would you play such a game?" "This world -- not so much with awesome." "The game is a way to get away." "Mm." "It's a lovely forest, but it's nothing like my home." "Right." "So, how do we get you back there?" "I can't break free from the spell, myself." "A hero must take my master's book of magic and destroy it, breaking the spell." "Gilda, my name is Charlie Bradbury, and I am here to rescue you." "Why don't you take off, Bolty?" "We got it from here." "A handmaiden and a time traveler rescue the queen?" "I think not, kind lady." "Look, this isn't a game, Boltar." "The queen, our friend, is in real danger." "You could get hurt." "I will not leave my queen in peril." "Look there." "We haven't checked that tent." "[ Moans ]" "[ Clears throat ]" "Dudes." "If the tent is rockin', don't come a-knockin'." "No, it's him!" "My master!" "Run!" "No guns in Moondoor, gentlemen." "Gilda, if you please?" "[ Chicken clucks ]" "Well, now what, Gerry?" "My name is Boltar the Furious!" "My plan was, after getting rid of all of my competition, to win the battle tomorrow, convincing the queen that I should be her king." "[ Sighs ]" "But then you two idiots showed up, and I was forced to improvise." "Rescue the damsel in distress from Orcs, become king, kill you both -- that'll work, too." "So why did you go from hobbling to murder?" "Greyfox and Thargrim became part of the honor guard." "They got close to the queen, but they did it by breaking the rules -- paying off other players with real money, rather than Moondoor currency." "They were cheating." "Oh, and using magic isn't?" "Magic is a part of Moondoor." "What is your problem?" "Why would you hurt people?" "This is just a game." "There is no game!" "There is only Moondoor!" "I came here to be different, to get away from my crappy life, to be a hero, and guess what." "What, you were a loser in the real world, and you're a loser here?" "Shocker." "Would a loser track down a real book of spells and compel a fairy to do his bidding?" "It depends." "How'd you get it?" "eBay." "[ Clears throat ]" "Look." "It doesn't have to be like this, Boltar." "Just hand over the book of spells." "We can work this out." "This will all work out..." "After I remove you from the playing field and wipe her memory." "Gilda?" "Gilda, the big one." "Ohh!" "[ Grunts ]" "[ Metal clanging ]" "I can't stop him." "The book -- you must destroy it." "[ Gasps ]" "Hey, Gerry." "I'm the one who saves damsels in distress around here." "No!" "Are you okay?" "I'm free of the spell." "You saved me." "The Hollow Forest is forever in your debt." "I must return to those green hills now." "I will take my former master with me." "He must face a fairy tribunal for his sins." "Wait." "Call me, maybe." "So what's next for you, Charlie?" "New town?" "New identity?" "If the last 24 hours have taught me anything, it's that escaping isn't what it used to be." "No more replacement characters for me." "I got to face reality from now on." "Sadly, reality actually includes monsters, but what are you gonna do?" "If I can ever be of help to you guys, let me know." "Will do." "And you, uh..." "You're good?" "Apart from the fact that you blocked me from banging a fairy, and I'm about to go lose my crown in battle, thanks to my army being decimated?" "[ Laughs ] Yeah." "Totally good." "Smell you later, bitches." "[ Clears throat ]" "So, what's, uh..." "what's next?" "'Cause no fun, right?" "Look, before you say anything, I-I-I get it." "No amount of fun is gonna help you get over what you gave up." "You just, uh..." "you need time, right?" "Yeah." "Thanks." "And you're right." "[ Clears throat ]" "Having fun won't help me." "It'll help both of us." "Shall we?" "[ Epic music plays ]" "Dean:" "And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days, from this day to that, for one chance " "Isn't that the speech from " "It's the only one he knows." "Just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they will never take..." "Hold!" "[ Music stops ]" "Uh, my bad." "Man:" "Really?" "Sorry." "You can't be serious." "[ Music resumes ] ...our freedom!" "[ Crowd cheering ]" "Aah!" "[ Indistinct shouting ]" "== sync, corrected by elderman =="