"As I remembered what had happened." "You covered your face with your hands." "As your spirit finally revolted" "You were shattered with shame and terror." "And you cried." "Hit him!" "Hit him!" "Hit him!" "Hit him!" "Hit him!" "That's it." "That's it, right?" "Come on!" "That's it." "Come on!" "That's it." "This female's life is complicated and filled with intrigue." "Giant Australian squids usually live by themselves." "During their short life spans they gather once to mate." "As the female approaches the mating area,  the larger male shows his attraction to her." "The female takes the male to a quiet area to lay her eggs safely." "The male embraces the female and tums her face towards his own." "He pushes a tentacle into an opening near the female's mouth and ejaculates." "Get out of here!" "Is this a brothel?" "Fuck ii!" "Then the male circles around the female to protect her until she lays her eggs." "Mr. Muharrem, I'm preparing your breakfast." "Turkan!" "Where are the eggs?" "Why don't you skip it?" "It smells of eggs here." "What's the problem?" "Turkan?" "He called me and I went." "He asked me where I 'd been." "He said I sulked all the time." "He called me an ungrateful bitch." "It's not my job to carry the bastard up and down the stairs" "What do I care if he's ill?" "I cook and clean." "I give him his medication." "I even bathe him." "Where does he get the right to hurl me?" " Why does he do that?" " He's lost his mind." "He's idle at his old age,  so he tortures me and howls all night." " He howls?" " Haven't you seen the dogs at the door?" " Yes." "  They come for him." " For him?" " Yes." "Last night I woke up to the sounds of howling." "There were dogs howling in front of the building." " God ness!" "  I shooed and chased them away." "One of them kept howling." "I thought it entered the building." "I kept searching." "The noise was coming from upstairs." "I climbed the stairs." "I realized that the sound was coming from his place." "Maybe he'd gotten a dog, but it couldn't be as I'd cleaned the place that day." "I rang his bell." "He opened the door." "M r." "Muharrem, the man was howling in tears." "He didn't stop when he saw me." " He must have been drunk." " He wasn't." "He lost his mind after his wife died" "The guy wasn't a believer." "He know reads the Koran all day." "Someone who's scared of God wouldn't drink." "I don't know what to say." "Very interesting." "The howling man..." "A rational man couldn't have pride if he's not merciless towards himself." "As for me, I had no mercy on myself because of my infinite pride." "I despised myself hatefully and thought others did, too." "I knew the unplanned visit was unnecessary." "250 Liras per person times four." "But three people will pay." "That makes 333 Liras per person Is that OK?" "333.333 Liras." "We can wine and dine all night." "I'd say we collect 400 Liras." "One of us can hold the cash and pay for everything." "What do you say'?" "  Good idea." " It's OK." "Shall we pay now?" " Tomorrow's fine, too." " Let's do it tomorrow." "OK" "Will Cevat let us to pay for everything?" "He has to." "The dinners in his honor." "I'd be offended if he refused." "He'll accept not to offend us." "If he doesn't want that, he can pay for the women." " Take it easy!" " Why not?" " How are we going to arrange for that?" " What do you mean?" " Shall we collect for that, too?" " People will think we'll have an orgy" " We'll see what happens." " What's this organization for'?" " We're sending him off to Istanbul." " Is he moving?" "We may say so." "He won the Best Novel Award." "He's going to Istanbul for the ceremony." "We'll celebrate." "Really?" "Sir Cevat wrote a novel, huh?" "Bravo!" "What's the title?" ""Boredom in Ankara."" "It's not in the bookstores yet." "Why don't you add me to the list?" " Do you want to come?" "  Aren't I your friend?" "You left me out." "We didn't know." "Haven't you and Cevat cooled it off?" "Maybe that's why I want to come." "We can't remain like this forever." "What?" "This is not a class reunion." "We just want to get together as friends." "We can go down the memory lane together." " Maybe we don'!" "want you." "  What have I done to you?" "Shall we start from the beginning?" "Guys, you decide." "You can explain it to Cevat." "Cevat wouldn't have done what you're doing." "Whatever." "Don't invite me." "We can't understand you, Muharrem." "All right." "You can come." "Tuesday at 7:00 pm at Hotel Tunali." " I know the place." "Don'!" "forget to bring cash." "400 Liras." "That's uncalled for." "I still remember the money issues we had." "Sinan, you've changed so much." "What happened to you?" "Hon was I then?" "We're leaving." "Please resolve your issues later on." "Come on, Ferry." "Let Cevat know." "7:00 pm." " OK." " Sorry." "Why did you apologize?" "What have I done now?" "I hope I'm not bothering you." "I can'!" "believe this." "You've taken things to a new level." " Taken what?" "  Your behavior is called impudence." "Mind your words." "I've just wanted to join you." "What a strange guy you are." "You've called Cevat a thief." "Now you push your way into his party." "Unbelievable!" "A thief becomes honorable when he receives an award ." "Don't start again." "You're really sick" "Didn't this undignified man steal your fathers memoirs?" "Weren't you shamed as he accepted his award?" " We talked about that later." " Does talking tum theft into creativity?" "You're all like that." "Once your pride is tickled, you fall in line." "That's what I hate in you." "If you hate us that much why are you here with us?" "I'am leaving." "Don't dwell on this." "I'm not going to slap the guy." "We'll argue a little which he'll enjoy." "What time is the dinner'?" "7:00 pm.-OK." "The Best Novel Award goes to "Boredom in Ankara."" "Hey!" "Cut it out!" "It's midnight." "Hellooo?" "Shut the fuck up!" "Aren't you ashamed of disturbing people?" "Motherfuckers!" "Shitheads!" "Not a single person wonders about this shit." "The jerks won'!" "wake up if you fuck them." "Turkan ." " Yes?" "  What happened last night?" " What do you mean?" " There was a commotion ." "I haven't heard anything." "A secret fight between myself and everything else started." "I wasn't someone who'd pay attention to that secret fight." "Turkan!" "I needed to do something to overcome the sudden, queasy attacks of hysteria." "It was curious and tender in the beginning." "Then it became passionate and fiery." "In time, I created a small world out of prostitution." "With an insatiable desire for the shameful" "I started to wander in dark places." "What's this?" "Where did you get it?" "He's going insane!" "It led to some good things, too." "Yes, this is it!" "I'd suddenly drop everything and withdraw to my comer with regret." "I'm in love." "With whom?" "Only with you." "I would repent and dream of wonderful things." "Even having been so foul must have had a meaning." "Then, my kingdom's crown on my head, I'd descend into the underground." "Turkan, what's wrong?" "We're leaving, Mr. Muharrem." "What's this all about?" "I don't know what's going on." "Why don't you tell me?" "  He kicked me out." " Hon?" "He said to get the fuck out." " Is he kicking out a dog?" " Well, it happened." "Stop crying." "We'll find a way." " Is he downstairs?" " Yes." "Go home." "I'll have a word with him ." "Don'!" "waste your time, Mr. Muharrem." "The guy's really sick." "He started to hee-haw like a donkey." "I guess I should start packing." "What are you talking about?" "You're not going anywhere Let the jerk go to court." "Then what?" "He'll eventually kick us out." "Turkan !" "Come here." "He's calling you." " Let him call ." "Beast!" " Go find out what he wants." "  Turkan!" " Come on, go!" "What is it?" "We need to talk." " You've already kicked me out." "  Cut it out." "First, find out what he wants." "We'll then make a decision ." "What happened?" " What's this?" " The agreement." " What agreement?" " I must either sign it or get out." " This is bondage." "  What?" " The guy wants your deed." " What deed?" "I don't have a deed." "  Not that." "He wants you to be his slave." "That's the only thing he hasn't done." "What else did he say?" "  Nothing." " He gave me this paper and said..." " What did he say'?" "  ...'You won'!" "see that jerk." "He provokes you." " Which jerk?" " You." "His problem is not that." " What can it be?" " Not that." "His jealousy, his manners..." "This is a "sexus" situation ." " What is "sexus?"" " He's in love with you" "  Fuck him!" "I 'd rather die." " It's clear." "What else could it be?" "  Besides it makes sense." " What makes sense?" "I mean from his point of view." "Stop." "Do you want to help me or marry us?" "Listen to me." "Turkan, look at me." "  Do you want to solve this problem?" " Yes." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Then kill him." "But how?" "He's ailing but heavily built." "Don't you carry him down the stairs to take him to hospital?" " I do." "  You'll just let him go." " Can you do that?" " I guess I can." ""I guess' doesn't cut it." "This is not a child's game." "I can." "I almost dropped him more than once." "Exactly." "Consider him dropped accidentally." "Then nobody can prove anything." "The cops may push you, but they won't suspect you." "The story will be short and clear." "That's it." "You'll act somewhat sad, somewhat confused." "Don't try to evoke pity or they'll be suspicious." "Agreed?" " Deal!" "  Then go and sign it." "OK." "You've called me a jerk, huh?" "I woke up with a heavy heart that morning" "It was as if I'd commit a murder." "Something in my brain kepi buzzing and warning me." "I was losing my self-confidence." "I'm not going." "Why do I have to go?" "Fagots!" "I promised but I don't care." "I won't even bother to tell them" "OK?" "OK!" "Ankara, Ankara, beautiful Ankara All unfortunates want to see you." "I didn't go." "Instead I planned an evening for myself." "Your table's ready." "My friends are to arrive." "I've wanted to check since you arrived early." "I'm not early." "It's 7:30." "I came half an hour ago, on time." "My friends are late." " They're not late, sir." " Your reservation's for 8:00." "You're early." "Please excuse me" "It was a mistake to have wine at the first bar." "I can't even remember how I got here." "But I'm certain that I hurried worrying that I'd be late." "Muharrem." "Muharrem." "I still felt happy as if my saviors had arrived." "I almost forgot that I was supposed be offended." "Muharrem , how's life?" "Same old, same old ." "Still a civil servant?" "One must make a living." "  Same office?" " Yes." "Do you still write?" "I don't do that any more." "Why?" "It's not for me." "You were a good writer, but there's no use in pushing it." "I was surprised to hear that you'd join us." " We thought you kept your distance." " It wasn't that." "One can't always find the opportunity." "If I were upset, I wouldn't have come." "You're fight." "But I thought it was something like that." "Like what?" "I don'!" "know." "You might have been offended because of Tansel." "How could I have been offended because of a whore?" "Right." "Friends shouldn't be upset at each other because of whores." "Still, we're not the people you think we are." "Guys, don't you think so?" "What kind people do I think you are?" "You're becoming touchy again." "We don't bear a grudge against you." "We never did." "Even during the Tansel issue." "But you're always quick to take offense." "First of all let's settle this Tansel issue." "With all due respect, fuck Tansel!" "I'm just interested in touchiness." "I'm not touchy." "But let's talk about it." "But I'd like to ask favor of you." "Certainly." "You may have a common opinion about me." "But I get confused when you talk about yourselves as a single person." "It's difficult to decide who to look at when I speak." "It would be better if everyone spoke for himself." "They may have their own opinions." "Otherwise, how can they expree themselves?" "Since there's no response, let's return to our subject." "Tell me what kind of people I think you are." "We've really missed you, Muharrem." " Isn't that so, friends?" " Yeeees..." " Have we missed Muharrem?" "  Yeeees..." " Isn't it wonderful that he's come?" "  Yeeees..." " Are we happy'?" " Yeeees..." "Let's drink to Muharrem." "We're just joking." "We've learned this from a group of Americans." "Please don 'misunderstand." "We thought it would ease the tension." " Isn't that so, dear friends?" "  Yeeees..." "If we return to our subject,  that is the kind of people you think we are" "Never mind." "What difference would it make?" "  Is that so, friends?" "Am I wrong?" " Yeees ." " Am I wrong?" " Nooo." "As I'd expected, things were developing in a vulgar way." "But there were things that they'd forgotten about." "Have you waited for a long time?" "I came exactly at 7:00 as agreed." "  Didn't you tell him about the change?" " I forgot." "How could you?" "When I saw him I thought something was wrong." " I thought so, too." " What did you think?" "You looked strange." "Was I to be happy because you behaved like jackasses?" "He's fight." "If that had happened to me, I wouldn't have bottled it up." "Who says I did?" "You didn't complain, but..." " Why are you so cocky?" "I'm on your side." " Cut it out." "Shall we order the main course?" "Sinan, don't you know anything else other than..." "What?" ""Main course?"" " 7 points." " 5 ." "You'd make comedians proud." "Everybody's into comedy." "As Cevat's said, you're touchy." "It's not that." "He wants to show his intelligence." "This is neither the time nor the place." "If it weren't for Cevat I would have given you a lesson." "The calamari's delicious." "Are you daring us?" "Since you want to test my intelligence..." "But it's not very nice to Cevat." "Muharrem, enough" "The friendly dinner we wanted has turned into a disaster." "People will think we have a feud." " The hostility between well-read people is worse than a feud." "I've told you that before when I was talking about people whose reason turned them into faggots." "Thai was a good one." " Are you looking for a pen?" "  How did you know?" " You used to do that all the time." "  What do you mean?" " When you heard something interesting, you'd look for a pen and paper." "I don't remember." "Why?" " To take notes." " Of what?" " Of what was said." "  Like what?" "A sentence that you liked, or an idea... $0?" "It's just occurred to me." "That's all." "We used to call you the note-taker." "Don'!" "you remember!" "Isn't that right, guys?" ""$0?" "What are you asking?" "First of all, why did I look for a pen?" "Secondly, why have you been talking about it?" "Thirdly, is there something you'd like to imply'?" "Shall I go on?" "In fact, there's something I'd like to scream at your face." "Muharrem, get the fuck out of here." "We should commit him and get it over with." "Cevat, please allow me to break his nose." "Shut the fuck up!" "Dostoevsky says reality is the mother oi and above everything, even our pitiful egos." "Go on, Mr. Muharrem." "What is it that you've wanted to scream at my face for years?" "Dostoevsky says reality is not the mother, but father of all." "But it's not that important." "Here's what I want to say." "Since it's something even they know, I don'!" "need to scream." "You're a thief." "You're the chief of thieves." "You're a vulgar pick-pocket who steals everything in his way." "Note-taking is just a detail" "Isn't that right, ass lickers?" "Why don't you talk about your thoughts?" "What are you afraid of?" "Of course, I couldn't say it." "I couldn't say anything." " Are you looking for a pen?" "  Yes, how did you know?" "You did that when something occurred to you." "The lowest order of the world was there, in front of me." "I could stand it and had to leave without giving them a second look." "Ciao bella, ciao bella, ciao, ciao, ciao." "Dear Cevat,  I wish you a good journey." "To your honor!" "Cheers." " Hey, Muharrem!" "  Aren't you toasting with us?" " No, I'm not." " Why not?" "First, I'd like to make a speech." "  Silence!" " Sir Nietzche will speak." " His Excellency General Cevdet, Sir..." " Excuse me..." "Sir Cevat." "And his honorable ass-lickers..." "Firstly, I don'!" "like show-offs fancy words and ?" "ashiness." "Secondly, I hate arrogance conceit and fancy personalities." "Thirdly, I hate ass kissers, ass kissing ass-kissing speeches and attitudes." "Fourthly I like the truth, sincerity and honesty a lot." "As Dosotoevsky says I want reality to be held above everything else, including pitiful egos." "I'd give my life for friendships that are mutual , truthful and honest." "Yes, His Excellency the General, I'd love that." "Friendship requires sensitivity and thoughtfulness." "It cannot survive rudeness, inattentiv eness and sarcasm." "What else was I going to say'?" "Why I am making a short story long?" "A toast your health, my dear General." "Have a nice journey to Istanbul." "Conquer that whore of Byzantium for us." "And then ride your horse towards the West, to Vienna." "Collect the Nobel Prize and the Oscar." "Bring them to Ankara." "To you, Honorable General." "Alas!" "I wish we had a camera." " Never mind ." " Thank you so much." " Tarik, he's..." " Is he awake now?" "Hey bro, did you sleep well?" "What a guy!" "Cheers, dear Cevat." "It's nice." "I was determined to show that I didn't respect any of them" "Ooh , Real Madrid Hotel, Real Madrid Hotel..." "  Hotel Barcelona!" " Do you know Hotel Barcelona?" "I don'!" "but I can call the dispatcher." "Find out immediately." "Hurry!" "I'll slap Cevat!" "That was my last remedy." "Either this shit would be cleaned up tonight, or I'd die." "Pull to the curb" " What's wrong, brother'?" " Just pull to the curb!" "Why did I go to those bastards' dinner'?" "I'm mined!" "What am I going to do now?" "I'm mined." "Brother, what's wrong?" "Are you sick?" "What shall do now?" "As I thought of the unforgettable disgracefulness," "I felt a sharp pain in my heart." "I wanted to die of shame." "Hey, jerks!" "Tell me where they are." "I was determined." "Otherwise I'd have to live with this shame for the rest of my life." "Cevaaaat, where are you jerks?" "Come out." "Shitheads!" "Who do you think you are?" "Did you create this world?" "Does the earth revolve around you?" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Do you think you're Shakespeare because you won an award?" "Shakespeare the thief!" "Shakespeare the swindler!" "How can you make fun of me?" "How can you insult me?" "How can you belittle me?" "I hate all of you." "I hate all of you." "You disgust me." "Lowlifes!" "Faggots!" "Come out, jerks!" "I'll throw up on you." "I'll empty everything in my stomach on you!" "Don'!" "pree on my back!" "I'll throw up." "Stop!" "You've caused enough trouble." "OK, but don't press on my back." "I'll throw up." " OK, but don'!" "move." "  OK." "OK, I promise." "I don't have any strength left to scream anyway." "Lei me stay like this for a while." "Allow me to sleep a little." "He's nuts." "I'll let go, but don'!" "move." "We'll wail for the manager." " OK." " If you move we'll hurl you" "See, I'm staying put." "Just don'!" "press on my back." "I was praying and feeling grateful, because they'd saved me from more disgrace." " Get lost." "  Thank you..." "Thank you..." "Sir?" "Sir?" "Let me buy you a cup of coffee." " Would you like some?" " No, thank you." "Is it snowing again?" "Yes, a while ago." "Someone in the neighborhood died yesterday." "A young woman of your age." "I guess she'll be buried today." "The poor thing died just in time." "Why?" "They keep digging only for water to fill the hole up again." "Mud and slime everywhere." "Eventually they give up." "Inside the ice-cold shroud" "It would be better to be naked." "What does it matter'?" "Imagine being under the dirt" "Mud and water everywhere..." "One would lose his mind." "Let's say you're dead." "What you don't feel doesn't matter." "How do you know?" "What if it matters?" "I'm so thirsty." "Why haven't you left?" "I'm waiting for Guven." " Who's G, Guven?" " My boyfriend." "You were with him this evening." "Don'!" "you remember." "I don't." "I was very drunk." "Are you afraid of dying?" "Why would I die?" "How should I know?" "You, too, will die some day and taste death." "Never thought about it, but everyone's afraid of death." "Aren't you?" "Of course, I am." "But I wouldn't want to die like that girl." "How did she die?" "Suffering in pain." "This is the worst part." "I don't think I could handle it." "What would you do?" "I think I'd look for a way." " A way to make it quicker'?" " Yes." "What would you do?" "I don'!" "know." "I think your way's good." "The fast way'?" " Yes." " Yes." "I think that's the best." "Since we don'!" "have any choice." "Here's my phone number and address." "Call me if you're in trouble." "Why was I like that?" "Why did I get buried deeper in the gutter as I realized what was worthy?" "The Best Novel Awards have found their recipients at a ceremony in Istanbul." "Cevat Pekmezci won the Best Novel Award with h is "Boredom in Ankara" "The winner of the Best Novel Award Cevat Pekmezci." "Mr. Muharrem?" "I dedicate this award to my father and accept it on behalf of Ankara." "What's wrong, Mr. Muharrem?" "For God's sake, Turkan!" "It's taking so long." "Even a serial killer would hesitate... before throwing a man down the stairs" " I lost it when he called me a cw." "  You should have told me." " I rang the bell." " Hon was I to know it was you?" "How on earth did you run downstairs in a blink?" "Thank God, they didn't believe that goat." "You'd have been charged with attempted murder." "You told me nothing would happen." "Don't scream." "This is a police station." "Will they lei me go?" "The kids are alone at home." "They will." "It wasn't serious." "His leg's broken and arm's cracked" "He should be grateful." "Jerk!" "Ouch!" "My fingers are throbbing." "I took the bastard to the hospital;" "he attacked me." "Mr. Muharrem..." "What's wrong?" "Can you drop me off at the hospital?" "What fol'?" "I'll check on Mr. Aslan." "He doesn't have anyone else." "  What about the children?" " Make sure he doesn't grab you." "He can't do that now." "OK." "I used to believe that a single event would change my life without reason." "This feeling would get a hold of me when I returned home." "I'd wail at the door, childishly hoping for something to happen." "Turkan!" "Have a bite." "It's delicious." "I'll have a cup of tea when I'm done." "I'll have to get rid of the junk." "It's such a mess." "I don't know how I'll fix it" " Good job, Turkan." "  You've made so much progress." " When's the wedding?" " Next month ." "I'll be your witness, right?" "I'll announce myself as yours witness at the last minute." "He'll have a heart attack before signing leaving you without an inheritance." "Wouldn't that be funny?" "It wouldn't be funny." " May God forbid!" " It was just a joke" " You're quick to defend that goat." " I 'm not." "We're talking about a human being." "No woman likes his future husband to be called a goal." " Is that the case?" " Yes, that's the case." "Fatma will do the cleaning from now on." "There's no need for that." " Don't you want her'?" " I've said there's no need" "You didn't tell me that." "What shall I say now?" "Why don't you cut it out?" "Why are you yelling?" "I'm not a child." " Turkan!" " Watch your mouth!" "Get the fuck out of here." "You jerk!" "Scoundrel!" "Get the fuck out of here!" "Whore!" "Fuck off!" "You'll pay for this!" "Fuck off!" "I'm sorry." "The door was open." " Would you like some tea?" " No, thank you." " Some water'?" " No." "Normally, I' m not like this." "You ungrateful whore!" "I'll kill you!" "I shouldn't bother you any more." "Why did you come?" "Why did you come?" "Let me tell you why you came." "It's because I tickled your pride." "You came back for more." "Then listen to me well." "I gave you my address to get revenge." "I knew you'd have to call me." "Who are you to make fun of me?" "Aren't you a whore?" "Didn't I pay you?" "What have I done to you?" "How could you treat me like that?" "I just wanted to have fun." "Who are you?" "Who are you?" "I want to be a good person, but they don't lei me." "Do you want to take a bath?" "You can come" "The pain peaked." "Then it subsided, giving way to a feeling that I had never experienced before." "It was a strong, pleasant feeling, somewhat like a toothache." "It was the reason for all the disasters." "I realized that change wasn't possible any more." "I couldn't become a different man." "Translated by NUR EMiRGiL."