"[Silence]" "Hello?" "Hi." "Whatcha doing?" "Hi." "Whatcha doing?" "Just..." "Waiting on my lotion whatcha doing?" "Just..." "Waiting on my lotion to soak in." "Just..." "Waiting on my lotion to soak in." "Lotion?" "To soak in." "Lotion?" "Mm-hmm." "Lotion?" "Mm-hmm." "Yeah, just got to moisturize." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah, just got to moisturize." "Is there any back there?" "Yeah, just got to moisturize." "Is there any back there?" "Yeah, no, I think you look is there any back there?" "Yeah, no, I think you look great." "Yeah, no, I think you look great." "Oh, cool." "Great." "Oh, cool." "Oh, sweet -- eggs." "Oh, cool." "Oh, sweet -- eggs." "No, no, no." "Don't touch that." "Oh, sweet -- eggs." "No, no, no." "Don't touch that." "I'm making brea-- no, no, no." "Don't touch that." "I'm making brea-- ugh!" "I'm making brea-- ugh!" "I'm sorry." "Ugh!" "I'm sorry." "[ Door opens ]" "I'm sorry." "[ Door opens ] [ Sighs ]" "[ Door opens ] [ Sighs ] [ Door closes ]" "[ Sighs ] [ Door closes ] What was that?" "[ Door closes ] What was that?" "He's all right!" "What was that?" "He's all right!" "He's like an action figure." "He's all right!" "He's like an action figure." "So, who's the flavor of the he's like an action figure." "So, who's the flavor of the month?" "So, who's the flavor of the month?" "Month?" "Who am I, St. Agnes?" "Month?" "Month?" "Who am I, St. Agnes?" "And his name is kerry..." "Month?" "Who am I, St. Agnes?" "And his name is kerry..." "Or Corey or..." "Something." "And his name is kerry..." "Or Corey or..." "Something." "Mm-hmm." "Or Corey or..." "Something." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "Well, pour a glass, your yeah." "Well, pour a glass, your high holiness." "Well, pour a glass, your high holiness." "I'm making dinner tonight." "High holiness." "I'm making dinner tonight." "Maybe it was kreston." "I'm making dinner tonight." "Maybe it was kreston." "[ Laughing ] Kreston?" "Maybe it was kreston." "[ Laughing ] Kreston?" "That couldn't have been it." "[ Laughing ] Kreston?" "That couldn't have been it." "Do you want to try that new that couldn't have been it." "Do you want to try that new place on bedford for brunch do you want to try that new place on bedford for brunch tomorrow?" "Place on bedford for brunch tomorrow?" "I have the whole day off." "Tomorrow?" "I have the whole day off." "No, I can't." "I have the whole day off." "No, I can't." "I'm actually meeting your no, I can't." "I'm actually meeting your brother for breakfast tomorrow." "I'm actually meeting your brother for breakfast tomorrow." "We're gonna have coffee." "Brother for breakfast tomorrow." "We're gonna have coffee." "Okay." "We're gonna have coffee." "Okay." ""A," you two and your coffee okay." ""A," you two and your coffee ritual still weirds me the hell" ""a," you two and your coffee ritual still weirds me the hell out, and "b," I would prefer if ritual still weirds me the hell out, and "b," I would prefer if you'd start referring to Kyle" "out, and "b," I would prefer if you'd start referring to Kyle not as my brother but as your you'd start referring to Kyle not as my brother but as your ex-husband." "Not as my brother but as your ex-husband." "Well, technically, the papers ex-husband." "Well, technically, the papers aren't signed yet." "Well, technically, the papers aren't signed yet." "So, he's not really my ex." "Aren't signed yet." "So, he's not really my ex." "I could call him my husband if so, he's not really my ex." "I could call him my husband if it'd make you feel any better." "I could call him my husband if it'd make you feel any better." "Okay, I retract my protest." "It'd make you feel any better." "Okay, I retract my protest." "Cody!" "Okay, I retract my protest." "Cody!" "No." "Cody!" "No." "Fuck." "No, that's not it." "No." "Fuck." "No, that's not it." "Hey, tomorrow I have cma, fuck." "No, that's not it." "Hey, tomorrow I have cma, man." "Hey, tomorrow I have cma, man." "You in?" "Man." "You in?" "Uh, I have coffee tomorrow you in?" "Uh, I have coffee tomorrow morning with Sasha, and then I uh, I have coffee tomorrow morning with Sasha, and then I have to come back, get some work morning with Sasha, and then I have to come back, get some work done." "Have to come back, get some work done." "Why are you having coffee done." "Why are you having coffee with her again?" "Why are you having coffee with her again?" "Because it's Tuesday, and with her again?" "Because it's Tuesday, and that's what we do." "Because it's Tuesday, and that's what we do." "Really not what I meant." "That's what we do." "Really not what I meant." "How do you justify having a really not what I meant." "How do you justify having a standing coffee date with your how do you justify having a standing coffee date with your ex?" "Standing coffee date with your ex?" "I don't have to justify ex?" "I don't have to justify anything." "I don't have to justify anything." "We were friends way before we anything." "We were friends way before we got married." "We were friends way before we got married." "It stands to reason we can go got married." "It stands to reason we can go back to that post-breakup." "It stands to reason we can go back to that post-breakup." "Yeah, if by "stands to back to that post-breakup." "Yeah, if by "stands to reason," you mean wobbles to yeah, if by "stands to reason," you mean wobbles to reason, like a drunk baby reason," you mean wobbles to reason, like a drunk baby crossing an icy street, then," "reason, like a drunk baby crossing an icy street, then, yeah, I suppose it does stand to crossing an icy street, then, yeah, I suppose it does stand to reason." "Yeah, I suppose it does stand to reason." "Look, man." "Reason." "Look, man." "I can't even stand to look at my look, man." "I can't even stand to look at my ex, let alone share a latte with" "I can't even stand to look at my ex, let alone share a latte with her." "Ex, let alone share a latte with her." "It's a latte." "Her." "It's a latte." "It's a fucking sacred beverage." "It's a latte." "It's a fucking sacred beverage." "[ Laughing ] Okay." "It's a fucking sacred beverage." "[ Laughing ] Okay." "Well, first of all, latte is, [ laughing ] Okay." "Well, first of all, latte is, like, the least-sacred beverage well, first of all, latte is, like, the least-sacred beverage in the history of beverages." "Like, the least-sacred beverage in the history of beverages." "No nations ever came to peace in the history of beverages." "No nations ever came to peace over a steaming-hot, processed no nations ever came to peace over a steaming-hot, processed coffee." "Over a steaming-hot, processed coffee." "And you're pissed at your ex coffee." "And you're pissed at your ex because she cheated on you with and you're pissed at your ex because she cheated on you with your roommate while you were because she cheated on you with your roommate while you were passed out in the same room." "Your roommate while you were passed out in the same room." "Cunt." "Passed out in the same room." "Cunt." "Hmm?" "Exactly." "Cunt." "Hmm?" "Exactly." "The worst my ex ever did was hmm?" "Exactly." "The worst my ex ever did was take the couch in the divorce." "The worst my ex ever did was take the couch in the divorce." "It's the same thing, man." "Take the couch in the divorce." "It's the same thing, man." "We fucking loved that couch." "It's the same thing, man." "We fucking loved that couch." "It's not like we had a bad we fucking loved that couch." "It's not like we had a bad breakup." "It's not like we had a bad breakup." "It could have been a lot worse." "Breakup." "It could have been a lot worse." "Sasha, all of your material it could have been a lot worse." "Sasha, all of your material possessions are here -- all of" "Sasha, all of your material possessions are here -- all of your appliances, the life you possessions are here -- all of your appliances, the life you built." "Your appliances, the life you built." "You stole the man's couch!" "Built." "You stole the man's couch!" "I didn't steal anything." "You stole the man's couch!" "I didn't steal anything." "I was entitled to half." "I didn't steal anything." "I was entitled to half." "But you didn't take half." "I was entitled to half." "But you didn't take half." "You took the whole thing." "But you didn't take half." "You took the whole thing." "You even brought the you took the whole thing." "You even brought the video game-induced swamp-assy, you even brought the video game-induced swamp-assy, spilled bong water, and video game-induced swamp-assy, spilled bong water, and ashtray-mishap odor with you." "Spilled bong water, and ashtray-mishap odor with you." "That couch is fine." "Ashtray-mishap odor with you." "That couch is fine." "I febrezed it." "That couch is fine." "I febrezed it." "You saw me." "I febrezed it." "You saw me." "That couch doesn't need you saw me." "That couch doesn't need febreze." "That couch doesn't need febreze." "It needs a Hazmat team..." "Febreze." "It needs a Hazmat team..." "The whole thing, which you took it needs a Hazmat team..." "The whole thing, which you took with you." "The whole thing, which you took with you." "Not half -- whole." "With you." "Not half -- whole." "Look." "Not half -- whole." "Look." "I didn't have a chain saw handy." "Look." "I didn't have a chain saw handy." "My options were a little" "I didn't have a chain saw handy." "My options were a little limited." "My options were a little limited." "Whatever, Solomon." "Limited." "Whatever, Solomon." "Maybe his name was Charles." "Whatever, Solomon." "Maybe his name was Charles." "Charles sounds right." "Maybe his name was Charles." "Charles sounds right." ""R."" "Charles sounds right." ""R." I remember screaming that last" ""r." I remember screaming that last night." "I remember screaming that last night." "So, what, it's just as simple night." "So, what, it's just as simple as hating her guts?" "So, what, it's just as simple as hating her guts?" "It'd sure make my life as hating her guts?" "It'd sure make my life easier." "It'd sure make my life easier." "What?" "!" "How?" "Easier." "What?" "!" "How?" "Dude, I'm your best friend, what?" "!" "How?" "Dude, I'm your best friend, okay?" "Dude, I'm your best friend, okay?" "In a breakup, it's my job to okay?" "In a breakup, it's my job to ruthlessly demonize her while in a breakup, it's my job to ruthlessly demonize her while helping you address your pain ruthlessly demonize her while helping you address your pain and angst by exposing you to" "helping you address your pain and angst by exposing you to wholesome entertainment, like and angst by exposing you to wholesome entertainment, like strip clubs." "Wholesome entertainment, like strip clubs." "I'm just saying, man." "Strip clubs." "I'm just saying, man." "Like, have you even considered" "I'm just saying, man." "Like, have you even considered how your so-called "maturity"" "like, have you even considered how your so-called "maturity" about this might be affecting how your so-called "maturity" about this might be affecting me?" "About this might be affecting me?" "No, you haven't." "Me?" "No, you haven't." "You're right, trey." "No, you haven't." "You're right, trey." "I am a selfish bastard." "You're right, trey." "I am a selfish bastard." "I'm saying." "I am a selfish bastard." "I'm saying." "Not to mention all of the" "I'm saying." "Not to mention all of the perfectly respectable not to mention all of the perfectly respectable gentlemen's-club buffets that perfectly respectable gentlemen's-club buffets that we're missing, okay?" "Gentlemen's-club buffets that we're missing, okay?" "Man cannot live on cheap beer we're missing, okay?" "Man cannot live on cheap beer and fucking spaghettios alone." "Man cannot live on cheap beer and fucking spaghettios alone." "Shouldn't you be happy for and fucking spaghettios alone." "Shouldn't you be happy for us?" "Shouldn't you be happy for us?" "I mean, it could be a whole us?" "I mean, it could be a whole hell of a lot worse." "I mean, it could be a whole hell of a lot worse." "Undoubtedly." "Hell of a lot worse." "Undoubtedly." "This is far better than the undoubtedly." "This is far better than the alternative." "This is far better than the alternative." "Doesn't mean I'm not still alternative." "Doesn't mean I'm not still allowed to be a little skeeved doesn't mean I'm not still allowed to be a little skeeved out about it." "Allowed to be a little skeeved out about it." "Mmm!" "Out about it." "Mmm!" "Daniel!" "Mmm!" "Daniel!" "His name was Daniel." "Daniel!" "His name was Daniel." "Sure." "His name was Daniel." "Sure." "That was gonna bug me." "Sure." "That was gonna bug me." "You can't remember the name that was gonna bug me." "You can't remember the name of some random dude that just you can't remember the name of some random dude that just had his "p" inside your "v!"" "Of some random dude that just had his "p" inside your "v!" Wait." "Wait a second." "Had his "p" inside your "v!" Wait." "Wait a second." "Tell me it was just inside the wait." "Wait a second." "Tell me it was just inside the "v," right?" "Tell me it was just inside the "v," right?" "Of course it was just inside" ""v," right?" "Of course it was just inside the "v."" "Of course it was just inside the "v." I just met him." "The "v." I just met him." "I didn't even know his name." "I just met him." "I didn't even know his name." "Mom taught me never to let a" "I didn't even know his name." "Mom taught me never to let a stranger in the back door." "Mom taught me never to let a stranger in the back door." "What kind of trollop do you stranger in the back door." "What kind of trollop do you think I am?" "What kind of trollop do you think I am?" "I don't know." "Think I am?" "I don't know." "A very well-practiced one?" "I don't know." "A very well-practiced one?" "Cute." "A very well-practiced one?" "Cute." "Mm-hmm." "Cute." "Mm-hmm." "Anyway, what was I saying?" "Mm-hmm." "Anyway, what was I saying?" "Oh, yeah." "Anyway, what was I saying?" "Oh, yeah." "Not 20 minutes ago, you had some oh, yeah." "Not 20 minutes ago, you had some random dude you don't even know not 20 minutes ago, you had some random dude you don't even know plunging your inner depths." "Random dude you don't even know plunging your inner depths." "But my dynamic with my ex plunging your inner depths." "But my dynamic with my ex somehow skeeves you out." "But my dynamic with my ex somehow skeeves you out." "Now, explain that one to me." "Somehow skeeves you out." "Now, explain that one to me." "Hey!" "Now, explain that one to me." "Hey!" "I told you his name." "Hey!" "I told you his name." "It's Daniel." "I told you his name." "It's Daniel." "Mm-hmm." "It's Daniel." "Mm-hmm." "You sure?" "Mm-hmm." "You sure?" "Yes." "You sure?" "Yes." "Positive?" "Yes." "Positive?" "Mm-hmm." "Positive?" "Mm-hmm." "Want to bet?" "Mm-hmm." "Want to bet?" "Fuck you, Sasha!" "Want to bet?" "Fuck you, Sasha!" "I don't have to justify myself fuck you, Sasha!" "I don't have to justify myself to you!" "I don't have to justify myself to you!" "Yeah." "To you!" "Yeah." "Aw, fuck!" "Yeah." "Aw, fuck!" "Look what you made me do." "Aw, fuck!" "Look what you made me do." "You're gonna eat this." "You ever gonna try anything different?" "I mean, like, every single week different?" "I mean, like, every single week we come here, you have the exact" "I mean, like, every single week we come here, you have the exact same bagel with low-fat veggie we come here, you have the exact same bagel with low-fat veggie cream cheese or whatever the same bagel with low-fat veggie cream cheese or whatever the hell it is." "Cream cheese or whatever the hell it is." "Just makes you look delusional." "Hell it is." "Just makes you look delusional." "You know what they say." "Just makes you look delusional." "You know what they say." "Variety is the spice of life." "You know what they say." "Variety is the spice of life." "I'm sorry." "Variety is the spice of life." "I'm sorry." "I couldn't hear you over the" "I'm sorry." "I couldn't hear you over the sound of my bagel being awesome!" "I couldn't hear you over the sound of my bagel being awesome!" "[ Chuckles ]" "Sound of my bagel being awesome!" "[ Chuckles ] So, what's new?" "[ Chuckles ] So, what's new?" "Nothing, really." "So, what's new?" "Nothing, really." "Just work, then not work, then nothing, really." "Just work, then not work, then work again." "Just work, then not work, then work again." "No plans for the weekend?" "Work again." "No plans for the weekend?" "It's Tuesday." "No plans for the weekend?" "It's Tuesday." "I don't know what I'm doing two it's Tuesday." "I don't know what I'm doing two hours from now, let alone four" "I don't know what I'm doing two hours from now, let alone four days." "Hours from now, let alone four days." "So, no hot dates or anything?" "Days." "So, no hot dates or anything?" "What?" "So, no hot dates or anything?" "What?" "I'm not allowed to ask?" "What?" "I'm not allowed to ask?" "Wow." "I'm not allowed to ask?" "Wow." "I never thought I'd hear myself wow." "I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but trey was right." "I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but trey was right." "I seriously doubt it." "Say this, but trey was right." "I seriously doubt it." "But out of morbid curiosity," "I seriously doubt it." "But out of morbid curiosity, what was the man-child right but out of morbid curiosity, what was the man-child right about?" "What was the man-child right about?" "These weekly coffee rituals about?" "These weekly coffee rituals of ours?" "These weekly coffee rituals of ours?" "It's officially weird." "Of ours?" "It's officially weird." "Whoa, whoa." "It's officially weird." "Whoa, whoa." "How is this weird?" "Whoa, whoa." "How is this weird?" "You're my friend." "How is this weird?" "You're my friend." "I'm allowed to ask you about you're my friend." "I'm allowed to ask you about your social life." "I'm allowed to ask you about your social life." "Yeah, you are my friend, but your social life." "Yeah, you are my friend, but with a really explicit romantic yeah, you are my friend, but with a really explicit romantic history." "With a really explicit romantic history." "Talking about my love life with history." "Talking about my love life with my soon-to-be ex-wife is a hard talking about my love life with my soon-to-be ex-wife is a hard limit." "My soon-to-be ex-wife is a hard limit." "Kind of like key lime?" "Limit." "Kind of like key lime?" "Aw, you remembered." "Kind of like key lime?" "Aw, you remembered." "Of course I remembered." "Aw, you remembered." "Of course I remembered." "I could never forget." "Of course I remembered." "I could never forget." "You destroyed dinner at my" "I could never forget." "You destroyed dinner at my mother's house forever." "You destroyed dinner at my mother's house forever." "You're just like the Dexter of mother's house forever." "You're just like the Dexter of childhood memories." "You're just like the Dexter of childhood memories." "You really are." "Childhood memories." "You really are." "Best safe word ever." "You really are." "Best safe word ever." "[ Laughs ]" "Best safe word ever." "[ Laughs ] Anyway, enough about me." "[ Laughs ] Anyway, enough about me." "How come you haven't gotten laid anyway, enough about me." "How come you haven't gotten laid yet?" "How come you haven't gotten laid yet?" "Jesus." "Yet?" "Jesus." "Would you believe it's 'cause I" "Jesus." "Would you believe it's 'cause I haven't tried?" "Would you believe it's 'cause I haven't tried?" "No." "Haven't tried?" "No." "Seriously, I'm curious." "No." "Seriously, I'm curious." "Like, how long has it been?" "Seriously, I'm curious." "Like, how long has it been?" "Like, nine months?" "Like, how long has it been?" "Like, nine months?" "You must be, like, going crazy." "Like, nine months?" "You must be, like, going crazy." "First of all, the good book you must be, like, going crazy." "First of all, the good book says love thyself, okay?" "First of all, the good book says love thyself, okay?" "I listen." "Says love thyself, okay?" "I listen." "That's gross." "I listen." "That's gross." "I remember you saying how that that's gross." "I remember you saying how that depressed you, like the whole" "I remember you saying how that depressed you, like the whole back of the hand smacking up depressed you, like the whole back of the hand smacking up against the gut and whatnot." "Back of the hand smacking up against the gut and whatnot." "Yeah, I got over it." "Against the gut and whatnot." "Yeah, I got over it." "Secondly, it hasn't been nine yeah, I got over it." "Secondly, it hasn't been nine months since I've gotten laid, secondly, it hasn't been nine months since I've gotten laid, in case you forgot." "Months since I've gotten laid, in case you forgot." "Thought we agreed not to talk in case you forgot." "Thought we agreed not to talk about that." "Thought we agreed not to talk about that." "We can not bring it up all about that." "We can not bring it up all you want." "We can not bring it up all you want." "Doesn't change the fact that it you want." "Doesn't change the fact that it happened." "Doesn't change the fact that it happened." "Ostrich syndrome, hon, doesn't happened." "Ostrich syndrome, hon, doesn't change the facts." "Did you -- did you sign the papers yet?" "Jesus, Sasha." "Papers yet?" "Jesus, Sasha." "Really know how to fuck up a" "Jesus, Sasha." "Really know how to fuck up a lunch." "Really know how to fuck up a lunch." "You know that?" "Lunch." "You know that?" "I'll get to it tomorrow." "You know that?" "I'll get to it tomorrow." "Thanks." "I'll get to it tomorrow." "Thanks." "Look, um..." "Thanks." "Look, um..." "I got to go meet Lacey." "Look, um..." "I got to go meet Lacey." "I'm gonna be late." "I got to go meet Lacey." "I'm gonna be late." "Maybe she can help you get" "I'm gonna be late." "Maybe she can help you get the sand out of your -- maybe she can help you get the sand out of your -- what was that?" "The sand out of your -- what was that?" "Hmm?" "I said, "I'll see you."" "Now I've lost my appetite." "False alarm." "Oh, I'd never leave you, baby." "False alarm." "Oh, I'd never leave you, baby." "Oh, my God." "Oh, I'd never leave you, baby." "Oh, my God." "So good." "Oh, my God." "So good." "Oh, God." "So good." "Oh, God." "I'm gonna cuddle you so hard." "Oh, God." "I'm gonna cuddle you so hard." "It's gonna be sexy-time." "I'm gonna cuddle you so hard." "It's gonna be sexy-time." "You're my sexy, little bagel it's gonna be sexy-time." "You're my sexy, little bagel girl." "You're my sexy, little bagel girl." "I probably shouldn't personify girl." "I probably shouldn't personify my food." "I probably shouldn't personify my food." "Might be why I'm fat." "My food." "Might be why I'm fat." "I'm talking to nobody right now." "So, who are these guys?" "The guy Scott that I'm meeting, he's a bartender at the guy Scott that I'm meeting, he's a bartender at that one bar." "Meeting, he's a bartender at that one bar." "That's a terrible name for a that one bar." "That's a terrible name for a bar." "That's a terrible name for a bar." "Yeah, like six months ago, bar." "Yeah, like six months ago, you thought that was an awesome yeah, like six months ago, you thought that was an awesome name for a bar?" "You thought that was an awesome name for a bar?" "Remember?" "Name for a bar?" "Remember?" "Six months ago, I was stoned." "Remember?" "Six months ago, I was stoned." "So..." "Six months ago, it was." "Six months ago, I was stoned." "So..." "Six months ago, it was." "Anyway, Scott is really, so..." "Six months ago, it was." "Anyway, Scott is really, really cute and really sweet." "Anyway, Scott is really, really cute and really sweet." "And on a scale of one to really cute and really sweet." "And on a scale of one to fuckable, he is about an 11." "And on a scale of one to fuckable, he is about an 11." "And his friend?" "Fuckable, he is about an 11." "And his friend?" "Uh..." "I haven't actually met and his friend?" "Uh..." "I haven't actually met the guy." "Uh..." "I haven't actually met the guy." "Not sure." "The guy." "Not sure." "Great." "Not sure." "Great." "Okay." "Great." "Okay." "Can we talk about the terrible okay." "Can we talk about the terrible act of betrayal I'm committing can we talk about the terrible act of betrayal I'm committing by being your wing woman?" "Act of betrayal I'm committing by being your wing woman?" "Whoa." "By being your wing woman?" "Whoa." "How is this an act of betrayal?" "Whoa." "How is this an act of betrayal?" "This is an act of friendship." "How is this an act of betrayal?" "This is an act of friendship." "Sasha..." "This is an act of friendship." "Sasha..." "You're still married..." "Sasha..." "You're still married..." "To my brother." "You're still married..." "To my brother." "Yeah, technically, on paper, to my brother." "Yeah, technically, on paper, for, like, six more weeks." "Yeah, technically, on paper, for, like, six more weeks." "Come on, Lacey." "For, like, six more weeks." "Come on, Lacey." "We have been best friends since, come on, Lacey." "We have been best friends since, like, what, the eighth grade?" "We have been best friends since, like, what, the eighth grade?" "I mean, if you think about it, like, what, the eighth grade?" "I mean, if you think about it, I was yours first." "I mean, if you think about it, I was yours first." "Yeah, but Kyle and I shared a" "I was yours first." "Yeah, but Kyle and I shared a womb." "Yeah, but Kyle and I shared a womb." "I mean, he was in it first." "Womb." "I mean, he was in it first." "So, technically, it's like a" "I mean, he was in it first." "So, technically, it's like a hand-me-down womb." "So, technically, it's like a hand-me-down womb." "But still..." "Hand-me-down womb." "But still..." "Kyle and I are over." "But still..." "Kyle and I are over." "We have been over, and you know" "Kyle and I are over." "We have been over, and you know that." "We have been over, and you know that." "I know." "That." "I know." "And despite the fact that you" "I know." "And despite the fact that you guys have this whole "getting and despite the fact that you guys have this whole "getting along better as friends"" "guys have this whole "getting along better as friends" "everything's going great" whole along better as friends" "everything's going great" whole dynamic, it's still fucking" ""everything's going great" whole dynamic, it's still fucking awkward." "Dynamic, it's still fucking awkward." "Wait a sec." "Awkward." "Wait a sec." "So, you're saying I can't be wait a sec." "So, you're saying I can't be friends with my ex." "So, you're saying I can't be friends with my ex." "No." "Friends with my ex." "No." "I'm saying I can't be friends no." "I'm saying I can't be friends with my ex, and I'm projecting" "I'm saying I can't be friends with my ex, and I'm projecting my insecurities onto you." "With my ex, and I'm projecting my insecurities onto you." "Is there a point to all of my insecurities onto you." "Is there a point to all of this?" "Is there a point to all of this?" "Yeah." "This?" "Yeah." "I just feel..." "Scuzzy, yeah." "I just feel..." "Scuzzy, double-dating with my" "I just feel..." "Scuzzy, double-dating with my sister-in-law." "Double-dating with my sister-in-law." "You're not scuzzy." "Sister-in-law." "You're not scuzzy." "You're just trying to help a you're not scuzzy." "You're just trying to help a newly divorced woman get back you're just trying to help a newly divorced woman get back into the dating game." "Newly divorced woman get back into the dating game." "It's actually a good thing that into the dating game." "It's actually a good thing that you're doing, if you think about it's actually a good thing that you're doing, if you think about it." "You're doing, if you think about it." "I'm going to hell." "It." "I'm going to hell." "I thought you were an" "I'm going to hell." "I thought you were an atheist." "I thought you were an atheist." "Agnostic, actually." "Atheist." "Agnostic, actually." "All right, then." "Agnostic, actually." "All right, then." "Well, you're doing that vague, all right, then." "Well, you're doing that vague, undefined higher power's work." "Well, you're doing that vague, undefined higher power's work." "In fact, you're practically a undefined higher power's work." "In fact, you're practically a Saint." "So, tell me about this guy." "Scott?" "No, the other one -- the one" "Scott?" "No, the other one -- the one you're setting me up with..." "No, the other one -- the one you're setting me up with..." "The one you've never met before." "You're setting me up with..." "The one you've never met before." "Does he have a name?" "The one you've never met before." "Does he have a name?" "Oh, shit." "What's his name?" "Does he have a name?" "Oh, shit." "What's his name?" "Um..." "Roger." "Oh, shit." "What's his name?" "Um..." "Roger." "Roger..." "Roger..." "Um..." "Roger." "Roger..." "Roger..." "Richard!" "Roger..." "Roger..." "Richard!" "I think." "Richard!" "I think." "Okay." "I think." "Okay." "What does Roger Richard do for a okay." "What does Roger Richard do for a living?" "What does Roger Richard do for a living?" "No clue." "Living?" "No clue." "[ Laughs ]" "No clue." "[ Laughs ] Good night, Sasha." "[ Laughs ] Good night, Sasha." "No, no, no, Lacey." "Good night, Sasha." "No, no, no, Lacey." "Come." "Come get back here." "No, no, no, Lacey." "Come." "Come get back here." "Back." "Come." "Come get back here." "Back." "He's gonna be ugly." "Back." "He's gonna be ugly." "He's not gonna be ugly." "He's gonna be ugly." "He's not gonna be ugly." "He's gonna be hideous." "He's not gonna be ugly." "He's gonna be hideous." "Or deformed." "He's gonna be hideous." "Or deformed." "Or a serial killer!" "Or deformed." "Or a serial killer!" "You're setting me up with a or a serial killer!" "You're setting me up with a deformed serial killer." "You're setting me up with a deformed serial killer." "It's gonna be fine." "Deformed serial killer." "It's gonna be fine." "Trust me." "I know this is a little weird, but I just really need a safety net tonight." "But I just really need a safety net tonight." "I haven't been on a date since net tonight." "I haven't been on a date since sophomore year..." "I haven't been on a date since sophomore year..." "Of high school." "Sophomore year..." "Of high school." "I get that." "Of high school." "I get that." "And as bizarre as it is, I'm" "I get that." "And as bizarre as it is, I'm kind of glad you asked me to and as bizarre as it is, I'm kind of glad you asked me to ride shotgun." "Kind of glad you asked me to ride shotgun." "Come on." "Ride shotgun." "Come on." "Who else would I ask?" "Come on." "Who else would I ask?" "I don't know -- anyone." "Who else would I ask?" "I don't know -- anyone." "I know that you and Kyle say the" "I don't know -- anyone." "I know that you and Kyle say the divorce isn't going to affect" "I know that you and Kyle say the divorce isn't going to affect anybody, that friendships won't divorce isn't going to affect anybody, that friendships won't be lost or anything." "Anybody, that friendships won't be lost or anything." "I'm just glad I'm still your be lost or anything." "I'm just glad I'm still your go-to guy." "I'm just glad I'm still your go-to guy." "Even though you tried to talk go-to guy." "Even though you tried to talk both of us out of it for the even though you tried to talk both of us out of it for the past hour?" "Both of us out of it for the past hour?" "We could be eating apple pie past hour?" "We could be eating apple pie at home." "We could be eating apple pie at home." "Just saying." "At home." "Just saying." "Do you think I look okay in just saying." "Do you think I look okay in this?" "Do you think I look okay in this?" "You look great." "This?" "You look great." "Smoking." "You look great." "Smoking." "Not too much cleavage, like, smoking." "Not too much cleavage, like, too slutty?" "Not too much cleavage, like, too slutty?" "No." "Too slutty?" "No." "Perfect equilibrium between no." "Perfect equilibrium between Madonna and whore." "Maybe a little on the..." "Don't even go there." "[ Laughs ]" "Don't even go there." "[ Laughs ] So, are you sure you're ready [ laughs ] So, are you sure you're ready for this?" "So, are you sure you're ready for this?" "Yeah." "For this?" "Yeah." "You know what?" "I am." "Yeah." "You know what?" "I am." "It's been a really long time, you know what?" "I am." "It's been a really long time, and Kyle and I have gone through it's been a really long time, and Kyle and I have gone through the breakup and separation and and Kyle and I have gone through the breakup and separation and division of mutual assets, the" "the breakup and separation and division of mutual assets, the whole nightmare." "Division of mutual assets, the whole nightmare." "I mean, we've been living apart whole nightmare." "I mean, we've been living apart for months." "I mean, we've been living apart for months." "It's time to move on." "For months." "It's time to move on." "Anyway, my gash is like a ghost it's time to move on." "Anyway, my gash is like a ghost town." "Anyway, my gash is like a ghost town." "It's really tragic." "Town." "It's really tragic." "It really is." "It's really tragic." "It really is." "The not-quite o.K. Corral." "It really is." "The not-quite o.K. Corral." "Got to let those horses run the not-quite o.K. Corral." "Got to let those horses run free." "Got to let those horses run free." "[ Laughs ]" "Free." "[ Laughs ] Vagina-bind that mustang." "[ Laughs ] Vagina-bind that mustang." "[ Laughs ]" "Vagina-bind that mustang." "[ Laughs ] There you go!" "[ Laughs ] There you go!" "Yee-ha!" "There you go!" "Yee-ha!" "[ Dance music playing ]" "Yee-ha!" "[ Dance music playing ] I wish that I just put my degree [ dance music playing ] I wish that I just put my degree to use instead of picking up" "I wish that I just put my degree to use instead of picking up garbage." "To use instead of picking up garbage." "You want to dance?" "Garbage." "You want to dance?" "There's no dance floor here, you want to dance?" "There's no dance floor here, silly." "There's no dance floor here, silly." "There's a club about two silly." "There's a club about two blocks down." "There's a club about two blocks down." "I would suggest we go there." "Blocks down." "I would suggest we go there." "How about that?" "I would suggest we go there." "How about that?" "If we leave here, I don't how about that?" "If we leave here, I don't want to go to another club." "If we leave here, I don't want to go to another club." "So..." "How about you, Lacey?" "Want to go to another club." "So..." "How about you, Lacey?" "I don't dance." "So..." "How about you, Lacey?" "I don't dance." "Yeah, bad idea." "I don't dance." "Yeah, bad idea." "All thumbs down there." "Yeah, bad idea." "All thumbs down there." "Nah, I mean, what do you do all thumbs down there." "Nah, I mean, what do you do for a living?" "Nah, I mean, what do you do for a living?" "So, if you don't want to go for a living?" "So, if you don't want to go to another club, w-where do you so, if you don't want to go to another club, w-where do you want to go?" "To another club, w-where do you want to go?" "Why don't you go get me want to go?" "Why don't you go get me another drink and then ask me why don't you go get me another drink and then ask me that later?" "Another drink and then ask me that later?" "I can do that." "That later?" "I can do that." "I work with the mentally ill." "I can do that." "I work with the mentally ill." "Oh." "I work with the mentally ill." "Oh." "Oh, so, you're like a shrink?" "Oh." "Oh, so, you're like a shrink?" "[ Chuckles ]" "Oh, so, you're like a shrink?" "[ Chuckles ] Only on my days off." "[ Chuckles ] Only on my days off." "No, I'm a nurse." "Only on my days off." "No, I'm a nurse." "A nurse." "No, I'm a nurse." "A nurse." "Yeah." "A nurse." "Yeah." "That's hot." "All dry." "You want another?" "Please do." "You want another?" "Please do." "[ Burps ]" "The lumberjack's a garbageman." "It's okay." "It's an honest living." "It's okay." "It's an honest living." "Can't fault him for that." "It's an honest living." "Can't fault him for that." "Oh, I-I can." "Can't fault him for that." "Oh, I-I can." "Um..." "So, how's it going with oh, I-I can." "Um..." "So, how's it going with "fuckable"?" "Um..." "So, how's it going with "fuckable"?" "It's going really well." ""Fuckable"?" "It's going really well." "Yeah, it looks like so far, so it's going really well." "Yeah, it looks like so far, so good." "Yeah, it looks like so far, so good." "Hey, do you think you're gonna good." "Hey, do you think you're gonna be okay to get home on your own?" "Hey, do you think you're gonna be okay to get home on your own?" "Oh, yes." "Be okay to get home on your own?" "Oh, yes." "Yeah, sadly, I am not drunk oh, yes." "Yeah, sadly, I am not drunk enough for a car just yet." "Yeah, sadly, I am not drunk enough for a car just yet." "Are you sure?" "Enough for a car just yet." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "How about Scott?" "Yeah." "How about Scott?" "You gonna take him home?" "How about Scott?" "You gonna take him home?" "Home, his home, back alley, you gonna take him home?" "Home, his home, back alley, bathroom -- whatever's clever." "Home, his home, back alley, bathroom -- whatever's clever." "Harlot." "Bathroom -- whatever's clever." "Harlot." "[ Chuckles ]" "Harlot." "[ Chuckles ] Dude, it has been three months [ chuckles ] Dude, it has been three months since I've melted anything that dude, it has been three months since I've melted anything that doesn't have a motor." "Since I've melted anything that doesn't have a motor." "Not only am I gonna take him doesn't have a motor." "Not only am I gonna take him home, I'm gonna ride his face not only am I gonna take him home, I'm gonna ride his face like it's stolen." "Home, I'm gonna ride his face like it's stolen." "[ Laughs ]" "Like it's stolen." "[ Laughs ] Classy, Sasha." "[ Laughs ] Classy, Sasha." "Pretty proper princess." "Classy, Sasha." "Pretty proper princess." "[ Both laugh ]" "Pretty proper princess." "[ Both laugh ] You stink." "[ Both laugh ] You stink." "That was a fast hand." "You stink." "That was a fast hand." "Too fast for you?" "That was a fast hand." "Too fast for you?" "Not at all." "Too fast for you?" "Not at all." "So, lace -- can I call you not at all." "So, lace -- can I call you lace?" "So, lace -- can I call you lace?" "No!" "Lace?" "No!" "Are you gonna drink that no!" "Are you gonna drink that drink, or should we just get out are you gonna drink that drink, or should we just get out of here?" "Drink, or should we just get out of here?" "Mmm..." "I think we'll get out of here?" "Mmm..." "I think we'll get out of here." "Mmm..." "I think we'll get out of here." "See you later, lace." "Of here." "See you later, lace." "Whoa!" "See you later, lace." "Whoa!" "Someone's gonna have a good whoa!" "Someone's gonna have a good night." "Someone's gonna have a good night." "Yeah." "Night." "Yeah." "I tell you what." "Yeah." "I tell you what." "Why don't you wait here?" "I tell you what." "Why don't you wait here?" "I'm going to get some lube, why don't you wait here?" "I'm going to get some lube, 'cause this is not gonna fit" "I'm going to get some lube, 'cause this is not gonna fit inside you without a little 'cause this is not gonna fit inside you without a little help." "Inside you without a little help." "Oh, boy." "Help." "Oh, boy." "Ha." "♪ Round and round and round and round and round ♪" "And round and round and round ♪ ♪ round and round and round ♪ ♪ round and round and round and round ♪" "♪ round and round and round and round ♪ ♪ both feet off the ground ♪" "And round and round ♪ ♪ both feet off the ground ♪ ♪ just strictly on a swing ♪" "♪ both feet off the ground ♪ ♪ just strictly on a swing ♪ not here." "♪ Just strictly on a swing ♪ not here." "Where?" "Not here." "Where?" "[ Mumbling ] ..." "Bong." "Where?" "[ Mumbling ] ..." "Bong." "No." "[ Mumbling ] ..." "Bong." "No." "You smell like your roommate's no." "You smell like your roommate's bong?" "You smell like your roommate's bong?" "No, no, no." "Bong?" "No, no, no." "Get in the bedroom." "No, no, no." "Get in the bedroom." "Yes, ma'am!" "Get in the bedroom." "Yes, ma'am!" "♪ ..." "Lies the old gentleman yes, ma'am!" "♪ ..." "Lies the old gentleman in tweed ♪" "♪ ..." "lies the old gentleman in tweed ♪ [ Soft romantic music playing ]" "[ Music stops ] You're not gonna use that one, are you?" "You're not gonna use that one, are you?" "Well, that was the idea, one, are you?" "Well, that was the idea, right?" "Well, that was the idea, right?" "Better safe than pregnant." "Right?" "Better safe than pregnant." "Yeah, yeah, but you just better safe than pregnant." "Yeah, yeah, but you just ripped that with your teeth." "Yeah, yeah, but you just ripped that with your teeth." "There could be a hole in it or ripped that with your teeth." "There could be a hole in it or something." "There could be a hole in it or something." "That's totally unsafe." "Better?" "Much." "How many of those you got?" "Much." "How many of those you got?" "Four." "How many of those you got?" "Four." "Oh." "Four." "Oh." "[ Laughs ]" "Is there a problem?" "No, I got it." "Is..." "Is everything okay down no, I got it." "Is..." "Is everything okay down there?" "Is..." "Is everything okay down there?" "No." "There?" "No." "No, I mean, yeah, everything's no." "No, I mean, yeah, everything's fucking beautiful down there." "No, I mean, yeah, everything's fucking beautiful down there." "I just can't seem to get it in." "Fucking beautiful down there." "I just can't seem to get it in." "Oh, thank you, kegel" "I just can't seem to get it in." "Oh, thank you, kegel exercises." "Oh, thank you, kegel exercises." "No, it's not that." "Exercises." "No, it's not that." "Well, it's that, too, but..." "No, it's not that." "Well, it's that, too, but..." "It's just a little dry." "Well, it's that, too, but..." "It's just a little dry." "No, no, no, that's not even it's just a little dry." "No, no, no, that's not even possible." "No, no, no, that's not even possible." "[ Gasps ]" "Possible." "[ Gasps ] All right." "[ Gasps ] All right." "It's a little bit dry." "All right." "It's a little bit dry." "No, don't worry." "It's a little bit dry." "No, don't worry." "I got this." "No, don't worry." "I got this." "[ Chuckles ]" "Come back -- back up here." "What's wrong?" "That's not working for me." "What's wrong?" "That's not working for me." "Okay, I could work up some that's not working for me." "Okay, I could work up some more spit or something." "Okay, I could work up some more spit or something." "[ Clears throat ]" "More spit or something." "[ Clears throat ] Oh, that's so gross." "[ Clears throat ] Oh, that's so gross." "Please don't do that." "Oh, that's so gross." "Please don't do that." "[ Swallows ]" "Please don't do that." "[ Swallows ] I got it." "[ Swallows ] I got it." "Okay." "I got it." "Okay." "Try this." "[ Both grunting ]" "It's not working." "Yeah." "[ Sighs ]" "Yeah." "[ Sighs ] That is really, really not [ sighs ] That is really, really not working." "That is really, really not working." "Ow!" "Working." "Ow!" "It's really, really not working." "Ow!" "It's really, really not working." "I'm sorry, sorry." "It's really, really not working." "I'm sorry, sorry." "Oh!" "I'm sorry, sorry." "Oh!" "[ Gasps ]" "Oh!" "[ Gasps ] I'm okay!" "[ Gasps ] I'm okay!" "I'll go get you some ice." "Yeah." "That's great." "I'm really glad you find this so funny." "I'm really glad you find this so funny." "I'm sorry, sash." "Funny." "I'm sorry, sash." "[ Laughs ]" "I'm sorry, sash." "[ Laughs ] I'm not sorry!" "[ Laughs ] I'm not sorry!" "Come on." "I'm not sorry!" "Come on." "That shit's hilarious." "Come on." "That shit's hilarious." "It's gold." "That shit's hilarious." "It's gold." "Lacey, it's not hilarious." "It's gold." "Lacey, it's not hilarious." "It is a fucking medical" "Lacey, it's not hilarious." "It is a fucking medical emergency." "It is a fucking medical emergency." "Oh, Sasha." "Emergency." "Oh, Sasha." "I'm broken!" "Oh, Sasha." "I'm broken!" "[ Laughs ]" "I'm broken!" "[ Laughs ] Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "[ Laughs ] Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "I'm impotent." "Holy shit." "Shut up, asshole!" "I'm serious." "Shut up, asshole!" "I'm serious." "Look." "There's something wrong!" "I'm serious." "Look." "There's something wrong!" "My "hoo-ha" isn't hoo-ing look." "There's something wrong!" "My "hoo-ha" isn't hoo-ing anymore." "My "hoo-ha" isn't hoo-ing anymore." "There's something wrong." "Anymore." "There's something wrong." "I'm malfunctioning." "There's something wrong." "I'm malfunctioning." "Sasha, you had an off night," "I'm malfunctioning." "Sasha, you had an off night, and it hardly means you're" "Sasha, you had an off night, and it hardly means you're malfunctioning." "And it hardly means you're malfunctioning." "No, no, no." "No." "Malfunctioning." "No, no, no." "No." "I have never had an off night." "No, no, no." "No." "I have never had an off night." "Do you understand me?" "I have never had an off night." "Do you understand me?" "Never!" "Do you understand me?" "Never!" "There is something wrong with never!" "There is something wrong with me." "There is something wrong with me." "Did you try lube?" "Me." "Did you try lube?" "No, I didn't try lube." "Did you try lube?" "No, I didn't try lube." "When I was a little girl, no, I didn't try lube." "When I was a little girl, Jenna Jameson told me use spit, when I was a little girl, Jenna Jameson told me use spit, not lube." "Jenna Jameson told me use spit, not lube." "Okay." "Not lube." "Okay." "So, you used spit." "Okay." "So, you used spit." "Ew, that's gross!" "So, you used spit." "Ew, that's gross!" "Like, nothing kills the mood ew, that's gross!" "Like, nothing kills the mood more than having a loogie hocked like, nothing kills the mood more than having a loogie hocked at you." "More than having a loogie hocked at you." "Come on." "At you." "Come on." "Well, maybe you just weren't come on." "Well, maybe you just weren't as into Scott as you thought you well, maybe you just weren't as into Scott as you thought you were." "As into Scott as you thought you were." "You know, as insane as that were." "You know, as insane as that is, I thought about that, too." "You know, as insane as that is, I thought about that, too." "So, after I sent him home, I is, I thought about that, too." "So, after I sent him home, I double-clicked the mouse a so, after I sent him home, I double-clicked the mouse a little bit." "Double-clicked the mouse a little bit." "Mm-hmm." "Little bit." "Mm-hmm." "Nothing." "Mm-hmm." "Nothing." "Dry like the mojave." "Nothing." "Dry like the mojave." "Well, you know, Scott, fit, dry like the mojave." "Well, you know, Scott, fit, athletic specimen -- it's not well, you know, Scott, fit, athletic specimen -- it's not really what Kyle was." "Athletic specimen -- it's not really what Kyle was." "I hate to say it, Sasha, but really what Kyle was." "I hate to say it, Sasha, but you're kind of a chubby chaser." "I hate to say it, Sasha, but you're kind of a chubby chaser." "I'm not a chubby chaser!" "You're kind of a chubby chaser." "I'm not a chubby chaser!" "It's just that, I don't know," "I'm not a chubby chaser!" "It's just that, I don't know, I'm just, well, fat guys really it's just that, I don't know, I'm just, well, fat guys really know how to eat." "I'm just, well, fat guys really know how to eat." "Oh, Jesus, Sasha!" "Know how to eat." "Oh, Jesus, Sasha!" "Still my brother!" "Oh, Jesus, Sasha!" "Still my brother!" "Come on!" "Still my brother!" "Come on!" "Yeah, but it's true." "Come on!" "Yeah, but it's true." "Okay." "Yeah, but it's true." "Okay." "Look." "I'm sorry." "Okay." "Look." "I'm sorry." "Still true." "Look." "I'm sorry." "Still true." "Okay, well..." "Still true." "Okay, well..." "Maybe the issue is, is that your okay, well..." "Maybe the issue is, is that your geyser really is old faithful." "Maybe the issue is, is that your geyser really is old faithful." "What the fuck does that mean?" "Geyser really is old faithful." "What the fuck does that mean?" "I mean..." "What the fuck does that mean?" "I mean..." "Maybe you're not done processing" "I mean..." "Maybe you're not done processing emotional baggage from the maybe you're not done processing emotional baggage from the divorce." "Emotional baggage from the divorce." "Maybe you're just not ready to divorce." "Maybe you're just not ready to be out fucking somebody yet." "Maybe you're just not ready to be out fucking somebody yet." "Of course." "That's it!" "Be out fucking somebody yet." "Of course." "That's it!" "Really?" "Of course." "That's it!" "Really?" "'Cause I was actually kind of really?" "'Cause I was actually kind of reaching there." "'Cause I was actually kind of reaching there." "It's guilt." "Reaching there." "It's guilt." "Oh." "It's guilt." "Oh." "What?" "Oh." "What?" "It's guilt." "What?" "It's guilt." "Basically, I've moved on." "It's guilt." "Basically, I've moved on." "So, I'm feeling guilty because basically, I've moved on." "So, I'm feeling guilty because Kyle hasn't." "So, I'm feeling guilty because Kyle hasn't." "You see?" "Kyle hasn't." "You see?" "No." "You see?" "No." "That's retarded." "No." "That's retarded." "No, no, no." "That's retarded." "No, no, no." "It's not retarded." "No, no, no." "It's not retarded." "I'm feeling guilty." "It's not retarded." "I'm feeling guilty." "So, I can't perform with anybody" "I'm feeling guilty." "So, I can't perform with anybody else." "So, I can't perform with anybody else." "Also retarded." "Else." "Also retarded." "Oh, my God." "Also retarded." "Oh, my God." "I got it!" "Oh, my God." "I got it!" "Why do I feel like this is" "I got it!" "Why do I feel like this is gonna be crazy?" "Why do I feel like this is gonna be crazy?" "I need to get Kyle laid." "Gonna be crazy?" "I need to get Kyle laid." "Oh!" "I need to get Kyle laid." "Oh!" "It must be 'cause I'm psychic." "Oh!" "It must be 'cause I'm psychic." "No, no, no." "Listen, asshole." "It must be 'cause I'm psychic." "No, no, no." "Listen, asshole." "This is not funny." "No, no, no." "Listen, asshole." "This is not funny." "I'm serious, and this makes this is not funny." "I'm serious, and this makes perfect, perfect sense." "I'm serious, and this makes perfect, perfect sense." "You know what's going on?" "Perfect, perfect sense." "You know what's going on?" "I'm feeling guilty." "You know what's going on?" "I'm feeling guilty." "So, my subconscious?" "I'm feeling guilty." "So, my subconscious?" "Well, it's turning my fun spot so, my subconscious?" "Well, it's turning my fun spot into a no-fly zone." "Well, it's turning my fun spot into a no-fly zone." "Until I can fix this -- and I'm into a no-fly zone." "Until I can fix this -- and I'm gonna fix it." "Until I can fix this -- and I'm gonna fix it." "I'm gonna fix it right now." "Gonna fix it." "I'm gonna fix it right now." "I got to call Kyle." "I'm gonna fix it right now." "I got to call Kyle." "No." "Sasha." "I got to call Kyle." "No." "Sasha." "Sa..." "Jesus, Sasha." "You look like day five on "celebrity rehab."" "You look like day five on "celebrity rehab." Shut up and sit down." ""Celebrity rehab." Shut up and sit down." "Okay." "Shut up and sit down." "Okay." "[ Laughs ]" "Okay." "[ Laughs ] No, no, no, seriously." "[ Laughs ] No, no, no, seriously." "Didn't I see you on the no, no, no, seriously." "Didn't I see you on the "f" train screaming out the didn't I see you on the "f" train screaming out the queen of england's plot to steal" ""f" train screaming out the queen of england's plot to steal your 17 cats?" "Queen of england's plot to steal your 17 cats?" "Yuck it up, asshole." "Your 17 cats?" "Yuck it up, asshole." "Okay." "Yuck it up, asshole." "Okay." "Keep going." "Okay." "Keep going." "This is all your fault." "Keep going." "This is all your fault." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "This is all your fault." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "You were cray-cray when I found oh, no, no, no, no." "You were cray-cray when I found you." "You were cray-cray when I found you." "The sleep deprivation, the you." "The sleep deprivation, the stress, my uncharacteristically the sleep deprivation, the stress, my uncharacteristically disheveled appearance..." "Stress, my uncharacteristically disheveled appearance..." "Your fault." "Disheveled appearance..." "Your fault." "And how is this train wreck your fault." "And how is this train wreck my doing?" "And how is this train wreck my doing?" "I haven't slept." "My doing?" "I haven't slept." "See, I'm working on a very, very" "I haven't slept." "See, I'm working on a very, very special project." "See, I'm working on a very, very special project." "I am gonna get you laid if it special project." "I am gonna get you laid if it kills me." "I am gonna get you laid if it kills me." "And I'm leaving." "Kills me." "And I'm leaving." "No, no, no." "Wait, wait." "And I'm leaving." "No, no, no." "Wait, wait." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "No, no, no." "Wait, wait." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Just hear me out." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Just hear me out." "Just hear me out." "Just hear me out." "Just hear me out." "Five minutes of your time, okay?" "Just hear me out." "Five minutes of your time, okay?" "It's not gonna take long." "Five minutes of your time, okay?" "It's not gonna take long." "And about the other day, I'm it's not gonna take long." "And about the other day, I'm really sorry." "And about the other day, I'm really sorry." "I was..." "Bitchy, I guess." "Really sorry." "I was..." "Bitchy, I guess." "Thank you." "I was..." "Bitchy, I guess." "Thank you." "I appreciate that." "Thank you." "I appreciate that." "But it did get me to think." "I appreciate that." "But it did get me to think." "And here comes the crazy but it did get me to think." "And here comes the crazy train." "And here comes the crazy train." "Your refusal to sign those train." "Your refusal to sign those papers -- well, it's clearly a your refusal to sign those papers -- well, it's clearly a cry for help." "Papers -- well, it's clearly a cry for help." "Oh." "Cry for help." "Oh." "Oh, choo-choo!" "Oh." "Oh, choo-choo!" "This is gonna be awesome." "Oh, choo-choo!" "This is gonna be awesome." "Go on." "This is gonna be awesome." "Go on." "You are not over me, and, I go on." "You are not over me, and, I mean, I get it." "You are not over me, and, I mean, I get it." "I'm hard to get over." "Mean, I get it." "I'm hard to get over." "[ Sighs ]" "I'm hard to get over." "[ Sighs ] Oh, I'm sorry." "[ Sighs ] Oh, I'm sorry." "Between my waistline and your oh, I'm sorry." "Between my waistline and your ego, the table's getting a between my waistline and your ego, the table's getting a little cramped." "Ego, the table's getting a little cramped." "You know, you don't have to little cramped." "You know, you don't have to be an ass about it." "You know, you don't have to be an ass about it." "I'm trying to be helpful." "Be an ass about it." "I'm trying to be helpful." "I'm trying to be your friend." "I'm trying to be helpful." "I'm trying to be your friend." "And as your friend, I'm telling" "I'm trying to be your friend." "And as your friend, I'm telling you, you got to move on with and as your friend, I'm telling you, you got to move on with your life." "You, you got to move on with your life." "And my soon-to-be ex-wife is your life." "And my soon-to-be ex-wife is going to help get over my failed and my soon-to-be ex-wife is going to help get over my failed marriage." "Going to help get over my failed marriage." "I'm sorry -- our failed marriage." "I'm sorry -- our failed marriage." "I'm sorry -- our failed marriage." "Your ex-wife, who also marriage." "Your ex-wife, who also happens to be your friend." "Your ex-wife, who also happens to be your friend." "The two aren't mutually happens to be your friend." "The two aren't mutually exclusive, you know?" "The two aren't mutually exclusive, you know?" "I mean, who's gonna help you exclusive, you know?" "I mean, who's gonna help you out, trey?" "I mean, who's gonna help you out, trey?" "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." "Out, trey?" "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." "Trey is a very good friend, and hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." "Trey is a very good friend, and he's always had my back." "Trey is a very good friend, and he's always had my back." "Okay." "He's always had my back." "Okay." "But would you seriously fuck okay." "But would you seriously fuck anybody he set you up with?" "But would you seriously fuck anybody he set you up with?" "Dude's a skunk magnet." "Anybody he set you up with?" "Dude's a skunk magnet." "Everybody knows that." "Dude's a skunk magnet." "Everybody knows that." "Think about it." "Everybody knows that." "Think about it." "Trey cannot find you a good, think about it." "Trey cannot find you a good, clean girl." "Trey cannot find you a good, clean girl." "And Lacey?" "Clean girl." "And Lacey?" "Her pool of chicks that we and Lacey?" "Her pool of chicks that we haven't already met is, like, her pool of chicks that we haven't already met is, like, totally limited." "Haven't already met is, like, totally limited." "So, I've decided as your friend totally limited." "So, I've decided as your friend to step up to the plate." "So, I've decided as your friend to step up to the plate." "I'm gonna assume the burden to step up to the plate." "I'm gonna assume the burden myself." "I'm gonna assume the burden myself." "So, hold on." "Myself." "So, hold on." "Just so I think I have this so, hold on." "Just so I think I have this figured out." "Just so I think I have this figured out." "You think that just because I figured out." "You think that just because I didn't sign the papers yet that you think that just because I didn't sign the papers yet that I'm not over you." "Didn't sign the papers yet that I'm not over you." "Yep." "I'm not over you." "Yep." "You never stopped to consider yep." "You never stopped to consider that maybe I didn't sign the you never stopped to consider that maybe I didn't sign the papers 'cause I was busy?" "That maybe I didn't sign the papers 'cause I was busy?" "Nope." "Papers 'cause I was busy?" "Nope." "You work at home." "Nope." "You work at home." "And lazy?" "You work at home." "And lazy?" "Can you be serious for, like, and lazy?" "Can you be serious for, like, a second?" "Can you be serious for, like, a second?" "I am being serious." "A second?" "I am being serious." "Listen." "I am being serious." "Listen." "I live a very sedentary listen." "I live a very sedentary lifestyle." "I live a very sedentary lifestyle." "I work very hard at being this lifestyle." "I work very hard at being this lazy." "I work very hard at being this lazy." "Kyle." "Lazy." "Kyle." "Sasha, I'm fine, really." "Kyle." "Sasha, I'm fine, really." "You're not fine." "Sasha, I'm fine, really." "You're not fine." "You know, I haven't even seen you're not fine." "You know, I haven't even seen you look at another girl since you know, I haven't even seen you look at another girl since we broke up." "You look at another girl since we broke up." "And there's a reason for we broke up." "And there's a reason for that, schnookums." "And there's a reason for that, schnookums." "All right?" "That, schnookums." "All right?" "I don't know if you've noticed, all right?" "I don't know if you've noticed, but your whole gender is a big" "I don't know if you've noticed, but your whole gender is a big bowl of crazy flakes." "But your whole gender is a big bowl of crazy flakes." "I just decided to go on a diet." "Bowl of crazy flakes." "I just decided to go on a diet." "Your irreverent denial is" "I just decided to go on a diet." "Your irreverent denial is mind-blowing." "Your irreverent denial is mind-blowing." "Ladies and gentlemen, exhibit mind-blowing." "Ladies and gentlemen, exhibit "a."" "Ladies and gentlemen, exhibit "a." Kyle." ""A." Kyle." "Sasha." "Kyle." "Sasha." "I'm fine..." "Really." "Sasha." "I'm fine..." "Really." "You really think that I'm just" "I'm fine..." "Really." "You really think that I'm just some poor, pathetic schlub, you really think that I'm just some poor, pathetic schlub, sitting around, crying in his some poor, pathetic schlub, sitting around, crying in his cheerios for what could have" "sitting around, crying in his cheerios for what could have been?" "Cheerios for what could have been?" "Listen, princess." "Been?" "Listen, princess." "I'm over you." "Listen, princess." "I'm over you." "I might not be over us quite" "I'm over you." "I might not be over us quite yet, but you know what?" "I might not be over us quite yet, but you know what?" "This was a divorce, not a yet, but you know what?" "This was a divorce, not a high school breakup." "This was a divorce, not a high school breakup." "And it's been less than a year." "High school breakup." "And it's been less than a year." "I'm not supposed to be over us and it's been less than a year." "I'm not supposed to be over us right now." "I'm not supposed to be over us right now." "But if I wanted to be in a right now." "But if I wanted to be in a relationship right now, I would but if I wanted to be in a relationship right now, I would be." "Relationship right now, I would be." "I don't know if you've be." "I don't know if you've forgotten, but I'm not exactly" "I don't know if you've forgotten, but I'm not exactly lost in the art of the pickup." "Forgotten, but I'm not exactly lost in the art of the pickup." "All right, don Juan, whatever lost in the art of the pickup." "All right, don Juan, whatever you say." "All right, don Juan, whatever you say." "Okay." "What are you doing?" "Hold on." "Target acquired." "Hold on." "Target acquired." "One second." "[ No audio ]" "Eh..." "Just proves you're able, not that you're willing." "Jesus Christ." "Not that you're willing." "Jesus Christ." "Listen." "Jesus Christ." "Listen." "This is what's called "charm,"" "listen." "This is what's called "charm," bitch, okay?" "This is what's called "charm," bitch, okay?" "Fuck!" "Bitch, okay?" "Fuck!" "Look." "Fuck!" "Look." "I found this really great look." "I found this really great website." "I found this really great website." "Abso-fucking-lutely not!" "Website." "Abso-fucking-lutely not!" "No, no, no, listen." "Abso-fucking-lutely not!" "No, no, no, listen." "I'll even help you." "No, no, no, listen." "I'll even help you." "I'll help you make a video." "I'll even help you." "I'll help you make a video." "Wait." "Video things?" "I'll help you make a video." "Wait." "Video things?" "There's dating videos on this wait." "Video things?" "There's dating videos on this thing?" "There's dating videos on this thing?" "Trust me." "Thing?" "Trust me." "Yeah, a video." "Trust me." "Yeah, a video." "They have, like, these videos, yeah, a video." "They have, like, these videos, and they have these profile they have, like, these videos, and they have these profile thingies, and it's really cool." "And they have these profile thingies, and it's really cool." "And you don't even have to do thingies, and it's really cool." "And you don't even have to do any work." "And you don't even have to do any work." "You don't even have to log in." "Any work." "You don't even have to log in." "I'm gonna do it all." "You don't even have to log in." "I'm gonna do it all." "I'm gonna get rid of the ugly" "I'm gonna do it all." "I'm gonna get rid of the ugly ones and find you the cute ones," "I'm gonna get rid of the ugly ones and find you the cute ones, set you up on dates." "Ones and find you the cute ones, set you up on dates." "You're gonna have a great time, set you up on dates." "You're gonna have a great time, and worst-case scenario, you get you're gonna have a great time, and worst-case scenario, you get your dick wet, and you get me and worst-case scenario, you get your dick wet, and you get me off your back." "Your dick wet, and you get me off your back." "Hey, we get some lube and off your back." "Hey, we get some lube and some kneepads, we can just hey, we get some lube and some kneepads, we can just figure all that shit out -- some kneepads, we can just figure all that shit out -- if you finish that sentence," "figure all that shit out -- if you finish that sentence, I'll gnaw it off." "If you finish that sentence, I'll gnaw it off." "Look." "I'm gonna make you a deal." "I'll gnaw it off." "Look." "I'm gonna make you a deal." "If you do this for me, I'll, um, look." "I'm gonna make you a deal." "If you do this for me, I'll, um, I'll give you the couch." "If you do this for me, I'll, um, I'll give you the couch." "Done!" "I'll give you the couch." "Done!" "And you are calling done!" "And you are calling bagel slut." "And you are calling bagel slut." "Oh, so doesn't count." "Bagel slut." "Oh, so doesn't count." "Oh, it so does." "Oh, so doesn't count." "Oh, it so does." "No, no, no, no." "Oh, it so does." "No, no, no, no." "She might be fucking crazy." "No, no, no, no." "She might be fucking crazy." "It doesn't matter." "She might be fucking crazy." "It doesn't matter." "She's a stranger." "It doesn't matter." "She's a stranger." "She might be worse than -- she's a stranger." "She might be worse than -- listen." "She might be worse than -- listen." "Do you see the tits on her?" "Listen." "Do you see the tits on her?" "Nobody with tits that big is do you see the tits on her?" "Nobody with tits that big is fucking normal." "Nobody with tits that big is fucking normal." "Hi." "Fucking normal." "Hi." "My name's Sasha, and I'm here hi." "My name's Sasha, and I'm here to tell you guys -- actually, my name's Sasha, and I'm here to tell you guys -- actually, girls -- about my friend Kyle." "To tell you guys -- actually, girls -- about my friend Kyle." "Is this really necessary, girls -- about my friend Kyle." "Is this really necessary, seriously?" "Is this really necessary, seriously?" "I have to do this?" "Seriously?" "I have to do this?" "Well, he's not " " I mean, he" "I have to do this?" "Well, he's not " " I mean, he is my friend, of course, but well, he's not " " I mean, he is my friend, of course, but he's also my ex and my is my friend, of course, but he's also my ex and my ex-husband." "He's also my ex and my ex-husband." "You want to look nice for the ex-husband." "You want to look nice for the ladies." "You want to look nice for the ladies." "I mean, this is 2012." "Ladies." "I mean, this is 2012." "This is how people meet each" "I mean, this is 2012." "This is how people meet each other nowadays." "This is how people meet each other nowadays." "Okay." "Other nowadays." "Okay." "He's a wonderful guy, and okay." "He's a wonderful guy, and things didn't work out with us, he's a wonderful guy, and things didn't work out with us, but doesn't mean it's not gonna things didn't work out with us, but doesn't mean it's not gonna work out with you guys." "But doesn't mean it's not gonna work out with you guys." "Apparently, my wife -- work out with you guys." "Apparently, my wife -- ex-wife, Kyle." "Apparently, my wife -- ex-wife, Kyle." "Ex." "Ex-wife, Kyle." "Ex." "Ex." "Ex." "Ex." "He is such a great guy." "Ex." "He is such a great guy." "He's funny." "He's sensitive." "He is such a great guy." "He's funny." "He's sensitive." "He's sweet." "He's funny." "He's sensitive." "He's sweet." "He's just, you know -- he..." "He's sweet." "He's just, you know -- he..." "Oh, my God." "He's just, you know -- he..." "Oh, my God." "I'm, like, so making him sound oh, my God." "I'm, like, so making him sound like a troll." "I'm, like, so making him sound like a troll." "He's not a troll." "Like a troll." "He's not a troll." "He's a big guy, but that's all he's not a troll." "He's a big guy, but that's all right, because big guys, they he's a big guy, but that's all right, because big guys, they know their way around the right, because big guys, they know their way around the kitchen." "Know their way around the kitchen." "And, in this case, he knows his kitchen." "And, in this case, he knows his way around the bedroom pretty and, in this case, he knows his way around the bedroom pretty well, too." "Way around the bedroom pretty well, too." "Scorpio." "Well, too." "Scorpio." "I like long walks on the scorpio." "I like long walks on the beach..." "I like long walks on the beach..." "Poetry readings and whatever beach..." "Poetry readings and whatever people say in these things." "Poetry readings and whatever people say in these things." "Am I done?" "People say in these things." "Am I done?" "Energy." "Am I done?" "Energy." "Come on, a little more energy, energy." "Come on, a little more energy, enthusiasm." "Come on, a little more energy, enthusiasm." "I need a date!" "Enthusiasm." "I need a date!" "Is that you?" "!" "I need a date!" "Is that you?" "!" "Is that good?" "Can I be done now?" "Is that you?" "!" "Is that good?" "Can I be done now?" "Less bombastic." "Is that good?" "Can I be done now?" "Less bombastic." "Middle ground." "Less bombastic." "Middle ground." "From the bottom of my heart, I middle ground." "From the bottom of my heart, I mean, Kyle, he just really, from the bottom of my heart, I mean, Kyle, he just really, really, really needs to get mean, Kyle, he just really, really, really needs to get laid, like, now he needs to get" "really, really needs to get laid, like, now he needs to get laid." "Laid, like, now he needs to get laid." "So, help me out." "Laid." "So, help me out." "So, you think I should go so, help me out." "So, you think I should go with the band shirt and jeans, so, you think I should go with the band shirt and jeans, house-style, or should I class with the band shirt and jeans, house-style, or should I class it up?" "House-style, or should I class it up?" "Class?" "It up?" "Class?" "You're being pimped out by your class?" "You're being pimped out by your soon-to-be ex-wife and being you're being pimped out by your soon-to-be ex-wife and being paid in a six-year-old couch soon-to-be ex-wife and being paid in a six-year-old couch that reeks of bong water." "Paid in a six-year-old couch that reeks of bong water." "Class is a distant memory at that reeks of bong water." "Class is a distant memory at this point." "Class is a distant memory at this point." "Hey, I thought we loved that this point." "Hey, I thought we loved that fucking couch." "Hey, I thought we loved that fucking couch." "Whomsoever shall hold this fucking couch." "Whomsoever shall hold this hammer, be he worthy, shall have whomsoever shall hold this hammer, be he worthy, shall have the power of Thor." "Hammer, be he worthy, shall have the power of Thor." "You are a fucking geek." "The power of Thor." "You are a fucking geek." "[ Water bubbling ]" "You are a fucking geek." "[ Water bubbling ] Red?" "[ Water bubbling ] Red?" "What?" "Red?" "What?" "Don't you remember anything what?" "Don't you remember anything from elementary school?" "Don't you remember anything from elementary school?" "Two words -- cool it." "From elementary school?" "Two words -- cool it." "Oh, fuck you." "Anyway, we do love that couch, okay, but while I might not be above taking advantage of couch, okay, but while I might not be above taking advantage of a loved one for my own personal" "not be above taking advantage of a loved one for my own personal gain, I know you." "A loved one for my own personal gain, I know you." "You have some noble motive gain, I know you." "You have some noble motive behind this, no matter how you have some noble motive behind this, no matter how fucking stupid it might be." "Behind this, no matter how fucking stupid it might be." "Okay." "Fucking stupid it might be." "Okay." "You might have a point." "Okay." "You might have a point." "For reasons completely oblivious you might have a point." "For reasons completely oblivious to me, this exercise will, I for reasons completely oblivious to me, this exercise will, I don't know, help her feel to me, this exercise will, I don't know, help her feel better." "Don't know, help her feel better." "When does making the shrew better." "When does making the shrew feel better become your when does making the shrew feel better become your responsibility?" "Feel better become your responsibility?" "I thought you laid that burden responsibility?" "I thought you laid that burden down when she took legal action." "I thought you laid that burden down when she took legal action." "It was a divorce, not a down when she took legal action." "It was a divorce, not a restraining order." "It was a divorce, not a restraining order." "What do you think?" "Restraining order." "What do you think?" "You look like a date rapist, what do you think?" "You look like a date rapist, which, I mean, depending on the you look like a date rapist, which, I mean, depending on the girl." "Which, I mean, depending on the girl." "Shut up." "I'm changing." "Girl." "Shut up." "I'm changing." "That's another thing, man." "Shut up." "I'm changing." "That's another thing, man." "Why do you care what you look that's another thing, man." "Why do you care what you look like?" "Why do you care what you look like?" "These bitches are for sure gonna like?" "These bitches are for sure gonna be awful." "These bitches are for sure gonna be awful." "It's not like you're gonna fuck be awful." "It's not like you're gonna fuck any of them." "It's not like you're gonna fuck any of them." "If you do, we lose the couch." "Any of them." "If you do, we lose the couch." "I'm sure they won't be awful." "If you do, we lose the couch." "I'm sure they won't be awful." "Dude, with the exception of" "I'm sure they won't be awful." "Dude, with the exception of your sister -- who I would fuck dude, with the exception of your sister -- who I would fuck like she owed back taxes, by the your sister -- who I would fuck like she owed back taxes, by the way -- most of Sasha's friends" "like she owed back taxes, by the way -- most of Sasha's friends look like something out of way -- most of Sasha's friends look like something out of "the dark crystal."" "Look like something out of "the dark crystal." She..." ""The dark crystal." She..." "They're not her friends." "She..." "They're not her friends." "Whores?" "They're not her friends." "Whores?" "Is she buying you whores?" "Whores?" "Is she buying you whores?" "No!" "She..." "Is she buying you whores?" "No!" "She..." "[ Sighs ]" "No!" "She..." "[ Sighs ] Internet dating." "[ Sighs ] Internet dating." "Internet dating?" "Internet dating." "Internet dating?" "Crazy people meet on the" "Internet dating?" "Crazy people meet on the Internet, sexual deviants, and crazy people meet on the Internet, sexual deviants, and that dude who masquerades as" "Internet, sexual deviants, and that dude who masquerades as 14-year-old chicks in chat that dude who masquerades as 14-year-old chicks in chat rooms." "14-year-old chicks in chat rooms." "Normal people do not meet rooms." "Normal people do not meet online." "Normal people do not meet online." "You're gonna wind up with some online." "You're gonna wind up with some crazy, horrible bitch that you you're gonna wind up with some crazy, horrible bitch that you hate." "Crazy, horrible bitch that you hate." "All right, fine." "Hate." "All right, fine." "Well, let's just call this all right, fine." "Well, let's just call this practice for when I do finally well, let's just call this practice for when I do finally get back on the horse." "Practice for when I do finally get back on the horse." "That's appropriate, get back on the horse." "That's appropriate, considering your date's probably that's appropriate, considering your date's probably gonna look like Mr. ed." "Considering your date's probably gonna look like Mr. ed." "Hey, you totally let me slide gonna look like Mr. ed." "Hey, you totally let me slide on saying I was gonna fuck your hey, you totally let me slide on saying I was gonna fuck your sister!" "On saying I was gonna fuck your sister!" "Yeah, giving you shit about sister!" "Yeah, giving you shit about not being able to fuck my sister yeah, giving you shit about not being able to fuck my sister is like kicking a 6-year-old not being able to fuck my sister is like kicking a 6-year-old with down's syndrome..." "Is like kicking a 6-year-old with down's syndrome..." "And aids." "With down's syndrome..." "And aids." "Yeah, I get it." "And aids." "Yeah, I get it." "Who was also born a yeah, I get it." "Who was also born a crack baby." "Who was also born a crack baby." "Just for that..." "Crack baby." "Just for that..." "We're fucking on your bed." "Just for that..." "We're fucking on your bed." "[ Doorbell rings ]" "We're fucking on your bed." "[ Doorbell rings ] Speak of the devil, who you [ doorbell rings ] Speak of the devil, who you couldn't get inside with a speak of the devil, who you couldn't get inside with a locksmith and a prayer." "Couldn't get inside with a locksmith and a prayer." "Lacey's here?" "Locksmith and a prayer." "Lacey's here?" "She's bringing my blazer." "Lacey's here?" "She's bringing my blazer." "I left it at Sasha's." "She's bringing my blazer." "I left it at Sasha's." "Oh, my God, why didn't you" "I left it at Sasha's." "Oh, my God, why didn't you warn me, dude?" "!" "Oh, my God, why didn't you warn me, dude?" "!" "Now I got to get ready all fast warn me, dude?" "!" "Now I got to get ready all fast and shit." "Now I got to get ready all fast and shit." "Don't worry." "And shit." "Don't worry." "I'm sure there's nothing you can don't worry." "I'm sure there's nothing you can do that can repulse her more" "I'm sure there's nothing you can do that can repulse her more than you already do." "Hey, sis." "Hey, what's up?" "Come on in." "The man is an artist." "Oh, Jesus Christ!" "What's up, Lacey?" "Oh, Jesus Christ!" "What's up, Lacey?" "Want a hit?" "What's up, Lacey?" "Want a hit?" "Oh, my God!" "Want a hit?" "Oh, my God!" "I think I'd rather crawl naked oh, my God!" "I think I'd rather crawl naked through broken glass." "I think I'd rather crawl naked through broken glass." "Different strokes." "Through broken glass." "Different strokes." "Can you please just put this different strokes." "Can you please just put this on so I can get the hell out of can you please just put this on so I can get the hell out of here?" "On so I can get the hell out of here?" "Yeah." "Here?" "Yeah." "Why, you got a hot date or yeah." "Why, you got a hot date or something?" "Why, you got a hot date or something?" "As a matter of fact, I do." "Something?" "As a matter of fact, I do." "And now I have to go home and as a matter of fact, I do." "And now I have to go home and burn my clothes and take a and now I have to go home and burn my clothes and take a scalding-hot shower so I can burn my clothes and take a scalding-hot shower so I can wash the skeeze off." "Scalding-hot shower so I can wash the skeeze off." "Want me to come with you?" "Wash the skeeze off." "Want me to come with you?" "I can grab the 40-ounce bottle want me to come with you?" "I can grab the 40-ounce bottle of lube I have " "I can grab the 40-ounce bottle of lube I have -- finish that sentence, and I of lube I have -- finish that sentence, and I will punch you in the dick." "Finish that sentence, and I will punch you in the dick." "Punch it." "Will punch you in the dick." "Punch it." "Punch it till it cries." "Punch it." "Punch it till it cries." "[ Sighs ]" "Punch it till it cries." "[ Sighs ] Thank you for doing this." "[ Sighs ] Thank you for doing this." "I'm sorry." "Thank you for doing this." "I'm sorry." "I think for some reason it'll" "I'm sorry." "I think for some reason it'll mellow Sasha out." "I think for some reason it'll mellow Sasha out." "Yeah, what is her deal?" "Mellow Sasha out." "Yeah, what is her deal?" "Why is this so important to her?" "Yeah, what is her deal?" "Why is this so important to her?" "I don't know." "Why is this so important to her?" "I don't know." "She just wants to see you happy." "I don't know." "She just wants to see you happy." "She worries about you." "She just wants to see you happy." "She worries about you." "[ Water bubbling ]" "She worries about you." "[ Water bubbling ] Yeah, worries like a fox." "[ Water bubbling ] Yeah, worries like a fox." "What the fuck are you yeah, worries like a fox." "What the fuck are you babbling about, back birth?" "What the fuck are you babbling about, back birth?" "Listen." "Babbling about, back birth?" "Listen." "I don't think this is nearly as listen." "I don't think this is nearly as much about Kyle and his problems" "I don't think this is nearly as much about Kyle and his problems as it is about Sasha and hers." "Much about Kyle and his problems as it is about Sasha and hers." "What the fuck ever, as it is about Sasha and hers." "What the fuck ever, man-child." "What the fuck ever, man-child." "You don't know what you're man-child." "You don't know what you're talking about." "You don't know what you're talking about." "Wait." "Hold on." "Talking about." "Wait." "Hold on." "What do you mean?" "Wait." "Hold on." "What do you mean?" "Don't encourage it!" "What do you mean?" "Don't encourage it!" "I mean, I think that your don't encourage it!" "I mean, I think that your former betrothed is having some" "I mean, I think that your former betrothed is having some problems in the romance former betrothed is having some problems in the romance department herself." "Problems in the romance department herself." "See, I think she thinks she department herself." "See, I think she thinks she can't get with another dude see, I think she thinks she can't get with another dude until her burning guilt about can't get with another dude until her burning guilt about your apparent romantic" "until her burning guilt about your apparent romantic stagnation is squelched." "Your apparent romantic stagnation is squelched." "It's all misdirection." "Stagnation is squelched." "It's all misdirection." "I think, in reality, she's just it's all misdirection." "I think, in reality, she's just not processing the emotions that" "I think, in reality, she's just not processing the emotions that come along with divorcing the not processing the emotions that come along with divorcing the man that she still, on some come along with divorcing the man that she still, on some level, loves." "Man that she still, on some level, loves." "[ Water bubbling ]" "Wait." "Hold on." "Lacey, has Sasha said anything like that to you?" "Lacey, has Sasha said anything like that to you?" "Don't listen to this like that to you?" "Don't listen to this deadbeat." "Don't listen to this deadbeat." "I got to go." "Deadbeat." "I got to go." "You look great." "I got to go." "You look great." "Thank you." "You look great." "Thank you." "Have a good date, okay?" "Hey, are you Kyle?" "I am, and I guess that makes you Lauren?" "I am, and I guess that makes you Lauren?" "Yeah." "You Lauren?" "Yeah." "Ew, don't smoke." "Yeah." "Ew, don't smoke." "It's gross." "Ew, don't smoke." "It's gross." "Right." "It's gross." "Right." "We need to drink." "Right." "We need to drink." "[ Loudly ] So, what do you do?" "We need to drink." "[ Loudly ] So, what do you do?" "[ Dance music playing loudly ]" "[ Loudly ] So, what do you do?" "[ Dance music playing loudly ] I don't have a type, really." "[ Dance music playing loudly ] I don't have a type, really." "I mean, doctors, lawyers." "I don't have a type, really." "I mean, doctors, lawyers." "There was a homeless guy once." "I mean, doctors, lawyers." "There was a homeless guy once." "Oh, you know what?" "There was a homeless guy once." "Oh, you know what?" "He may not have been homeless." "Oh, you know what?" "He may not have been homeless." "He may have just been scruffy." "He may not have been homeless." "He may have just been scruffy." "But he had a huge..." "He may have just been scruffy." "But he had a huge..." "What?" "!" "But he had a huge..." "What?" "!" "Oh, what?" "What?" "!" "Oh, what?" "What do I do?" "Okay." "Oh, what?" "What do I do?" "Okay." "Oh, I'm sorry." "All right." "[ Belches ] Fuck!" "I need a cigarette." "[ Normal voice ] I thought you fuck!" "I need a cigarette." "[ Normal voice ] I thought you said smoking was gross." "[ Normal voice ] I thought you said smoking was gross." "[ Scoffs ]" "Said smoking was gross." "[ Scoffs ] Cigarettes are gross, but I'm [ scoffs ] Cigarettes are gross, but I'm drunk." "Cigarettes are gross, but I'm drunk." "So, it doesn't count!" "Drunk." "So, it doesn't count!" "Same thing goes for anal!" "So, it doesn't count!" "Same thing goes for anal!" "Yeah!" "Same thing goes for anal!" "Yeah!" "Right?" "Am I right?" "Yeah!" "Right?" "Am I right?" "[ Laughs ]" "So, I was, like, "Tracy, you can go to hell." Okay?" "Go to hell." Okay?" "I did all the work for the okay?" "I did all the work for the website, and what does she do?" "I did all the work for the website, and what does she do?" "Nothing!" "Website, and what does she do?" "Nothing!" "She just has to set up a camera nothing!" "She just has to set up a camera and masturbate." "She just has to set up a camera and masturbate." "I mean, really." "And masturbate." "I mean, really." "Put on some stilettos, stomp a" "I mean, really." "Put on some stilettos, stomp a watermelon." "Put on some stilettos, stomp a watermelon." "It's really not that hard." "Watermelon." "It's really not that hard." "Oh, my God." "It's really not that hard." "Oh, my God." "This is my shit." "Oh, my God." "This is my shit." "Come on." "Come on!" "This is my shit." "Come on." "Come on!" "Listen." "Come on." "Come on!" "Listen." "♪ if I never called you again ♪" "Listen." "♪ if I never called you again ♪ ♪ called you again ♪" "♪ if I never called you again ♪ ♪ called you again ♪ ♪ my bad, my bad ♪" "♪ called you again ♪ ♪ my bad, my bad ♪ ♪ if you heard that I was" "♪ my bad, my bad ♪ ♪ if you heard that I was sleeping with your friend ♪" "♪ if you heard that I was sleeping with your friend ♪ ♪ with your friend ♪" "Sleeping with your friend ♪ ♪ with your friend ♪ ♪ my bad, my bad ♪" "♪ with your friend ♪ ♪ my bad, my bad ♪ ♪ if you thought that you were" "♪ my bad, my bad ♪ ♪ if you thought that you were catching feelings for me," "♪ if you thought that you were catching feelings for me, and I did you wrong, catching feelings for me, and I did you wrong, so I wrote this song and I did you wrong, so I wrote this song to let you know that baby girl," "so I wrote this song to let you know that baby girl, don't feel sad ♪" "To let you know that baby girl, don't feel sad ♪ ♪ my bad, my bad ♪" "Don't feel sad ♪ ♪ my bad, my bad ♪ ♪ ladies, I know this might be" "♪ my bad, my bad ♪ ♪ ladies, I know this might be hard to understand," "♪ ladies, I know this might be hard to understand, but I'm just a man ♪" "Fuck you!" "What?" "!" "I said, I want to fuck you what?" "!" "I said, I want to fuck you right here, right now!" "I said, I want to fuck you right here, right now!" "Jesus Christ, you're drunk." "Right here, right now!" "Jesus Christ, you're drunk." "Shut up and kiss me." "Jesus Christ, you're drunk." "Shut up and kiss me." "What are you doing?" "Shut up and kiss me." "What are you doing?" "What?" "What are you doing?" "What?" "You don't think I'm pretty?" "What?" "You don't think I'm pretty?" "No, you're very pretty." "You don't think I'm pretty?" "No, you're very pretty." "Fuck, yes, I'm pretty!" "No, you're very pretty." "Fuck, yes, I'm pretty!" "I'm hot!" "Fuck, yes, I'm pretty!" "I'm hot!" "I'm the hottest piece of ass" "I'm hot!" "I'm the hottest piece of ass you're ever gonna get!" "I'm the hottest piece of ass you're ever gonna get!" "Excuse me?" "You're ever gonna get!" "Excuse me?" "Yeah!" "Excuse me?" "Yeah!" "Oh, my God." "Yeah!" "Oh, my God." "Kyle, I'm so sorry." "Oh, my God." "Kyle, I'm so sorry." "It's fine." "Kyle, I'm so sorry." "It's fine." "You put yourself out there, and it's fine." "You put yourself out there, and that's really hard to do." "You put yourself out there, and that's really hard to do." "You're gay!" "That's really hard to do." "You're gay!" "[ Laughs ]" "You're gay!" "[ Laughs ] No, it's -- wait." "Wait." "[ Laughs ] No, it's -- wait." "Wait." "Hold on." "What?" "No, it's -- wait." "Wait." "Hold on." "What?" "No!" "Hold on." "What?" "No!" "No, no, no, I'm not gay." "No!" "No, no, no, I'm not gay." "I can't believe I didn't see no, no, no, I'm not gay." "I can't believe I didn't see it." "I can't believe I didn't see it." "My "gaydar" is usually, like, it." "My "gaydar" is usually, like, spot-on." "My "gaydar" is usually, like, spot-on." "No, you're..." "Spot-on." "No, you're..." "The aftershock broke my no, you're..." "The aftershock broke my gaydar!" "The aftershock broke my gaydar!" "Broken." "Gaydar!" "Broken." "Your gaydar's fine." "Broken." "Your gaydar's fine." "I'm not gay." "Your gaydar's fine." "I'm not gay." "[ Laughs ]" "I'm not gay." "[ Laughs ] Shh!" "Shh-shh!" "Kyle, it's okay." "[ Laughs ] Shh!" "Shh-shh!" "Kyle, it's okay." "Okay." "Shh!" "Shh-shh!" "Kyle, it's okay." "Okay." "My father's brother's cousin's okay." "My father's brother's cousin's former roommate is gay." "My father's brother's cousin's former roommate is gay." "Okay?" "Former roommate is gay." "Okay?" "I totally get it." "Okay?" "I totally get it." "That's nice." "I totally get it." "That's nice." "I'm not gay." "That's nice." "I'm not gay." "Hey, do you think that" "I'm not gay." "Hey, do you think that bartender's hot?" "Hey, do you think that bartender's hot?" "Would you blow him?" "Bartender's hot?" "Would you blow him?" "Oh!" "I know!" "Would you blow him?" "Oh!" "I know!" "Let's blow him together, just oh!" "I know!" "Let's blow him together, just like..." "Huh?" "Huh?" "Will you excuse me for a minute?" "[ Sighs ]" "[ Cellphone rings ] Hey." "How was the date?" "I bet you're calling to thank hey." "How was the date?" "I bet you're calling to thank me, right?" "I bet you're calling to thank me, right?" "Where the fuck did you find me, right?" "Where the fuck did you find this bitch, Sasha, the cast of where the fuck did you find this bitch, Sasha, the cast of "Jersey shore"?" "This bitch, Sasha, the cast of "Jersey shore"?" "Whoa!" ""Jersey shore"?" "Whoa!" "What are you talking about?" "Whoa!" "What are you talking about?" "First of all, don't you raise what are you talking about?" "First of all, don't you raise your voice at me." "First of all, don't you raise your voice at me." "And secondly, oh, my God, Lauren your voice at me." "And secondly, oh, my God, Lauren is awesome." "And secondly, oh, my God, Lauren is awesome." "She's beautiful and sexy and is awesome." "She's beautiful and sexy and completely d.T.F." "She's beautiful and sexy and completely d.T.F. Yeah, is d.T.F. The name of completely d.T.F. Yeah, is d.T.F. The name of the venereal disease she's yeah, is d.T.F. The name of the venereal disease she's undoubtedly carrying?" "The venereal disease she's undoubtedly carrying?" "Call CDC." "Undoubtedly carrying?" "Call CDC." "I'm betting she's patient zero." "Call CDC." "I'm betting she's patient zero." "No, d.T.F. Means " "I'm betting she's patient zero." "No, d.T.F. Means -- I know what it fucking means, no, d.T.F. Means -- I know what it fucking means, Sasha!" "I know what it fucking means, Sasha!" "All right, all right." "Sasha!" "All right, all right." "Calm down and just tell me what all right, all right." "Calm down and just tell me what happened." "Calm down and just tell me what happened." "She just tried to fuck me in happened." "She just tried to fuck me in the middle of the bar." "She just tried to fuck me in the middle of the bar." "Come on, man." "The middle of the bar." "Come on, man." "I'm throwing you gold here!" "Come on, man." "I'm throwing you gold here!" "There's no shame in dirty bar" "I'm throwing you gold here!" "There's no shame in dirty bar sex, you know?" "There's no shame in dirty bar sex, you know?" "You remember that time we did it sex, you know?" "You remember that time we did it in alligator lounge, and we did you remember that time we did it in alligator lounge, and we did it once in nolita house." "In alligator lounge, and we did it once in nolita house." "You remember that time at the it once in nolita house." "You remember that time at the village crab and lobster?" "You remember that time at the village crab and lobster?" "Yeah, but I knew you longer village crab and lobster?" "Yeah, but I knew you longer than 24 hours, Sasha." "Yeah, but I knew you longer than 24 hours, Sasha." "I'm not fucking some random girl than 24 hours, Sasha." "I'm not fucking some random girl in some random bar bathroom." "I'm not fucking some random girl in some random bar bathroom." "Why not?" "In some random bar bathroom." "Why not?" "Live a little." "Why not?" "Live a little." "She thinks I'm gay." "Live a little." "She thinks I'm gay." "What did you do?" "She thinks I'm gay." "What did you do?" "She asked if I wanted to blow what did you do?" "She asked if I wanted to blow the bartender." "She asked if I wanted to blow the bartender." "Wait." "The bartender." "Wait." "Are you fucking random dudes in wait." "Are you fucking random dudes in random bar bathrooms?" "Are you fucking random dudes in random bar bathrooms?" "Not that it's any of your random bar bathrooms?" "Not that it's any of your business, but no, not recently." "Not that it's any of your business, but no, not recently." "Not recently?" "!" "Business, but no, not recently." "Not recently?" "!" "That was sarcasm." "Not recently?" "!" "That was sarcasm." "No, I have not fucked any that was sarcasm." "No, I have not fucked any strange tail in bar bathrooms." "No, I have not fucked any strange tail in bar bathrooms." "I want my fucking couch back." "Strange tail in bar bathrooms." "I want my fucking couch back." "Whoa." "Hold on, quitter." "I want my fucking couch back." "Whoa." "Hold on, quitter." "Nope." "Done." "Couch now." "Whoa." "Hold on, quitter." "Nope." "Done." "Couch now." "Listen." "Nope." "Done." "Couch now." "Listen." "Just take a deep breath and just listen." "Just take a deep breath and just give it another chance." "Just take a deep breath and just give it another chance." "I have another girl lined up for give it another chance." "I have another girl lined up for you." "I have another girl lined up for you." "She's really, really sweet." "You." "She's really, really sweet." "She's not at all like Lauren." "She's really, really sweet." "She's not at all like Lauren." "I really think you'll like her." "She's not at all like Lauren." "I really think you'll like her." "Can you..." "I really think you'll like her." "Can you..." "Can you just give it one more can you..." "Can you just give it one more chance?" "Can you just give it one more chance?" "Fine." "Chance?" "Fine." "Now I have to get back in there fine." "Now I have to get back in there before she starts humping my now I have to get back in there before she starts humping my drink." "Kyle on another date?" "Yep." "And I'm sure not getting laid." "Yep." "And I'm sure not getting laid." "So, until he calls me and tells and I'm sure not getting laid." "So, until he calls me and tells me he's made like a so, until he calls me and tells me he's made like a Mario brother and laid some me he's made like a Mario brother and laid some pipe, I got to find some" "Mario brother and laid some pipe, I got to find some creative ways to kill time." "Pipe, I got to find some creative ways to kill time." "Okay." "Creative ways to kill time." "Okay." "First, I say, "ew," and then I okay." "First, I say, "ew," and then I say, "mercy."" "First, I say, "ew," and then I say, "mercy." What's that supposed to mean?" "Say, "mercy." What's that supposed to mean?" "It means if you insist on what's that supposed to mean?" "It means if you insist on staving off your sexual it means if you insist on staving off your sexual frustration, please find another staving off your sexual frustration, please find another way that doesn't sound like cats" "frustration, please find another way that doesn't sound like cats fucking on broken glass." "Way that doesn't sound like cats fucking on broken glass." "Are you serious?" "Fucking on broken glass." "Are you serious?" "Have you even listened to me are you serious?" "Have you even listened to me play?" "Have you even listened to me play?" "I mean, like, really listened?" "Play?" "I mean, like, really listened?" "I think I might be a prodigy." "I mean, like, really listened?" "I think I might be a prodigy." "Okay, "Janis."" "I think I might be a prodigy." "Okay, "Janis." Just keep it down." "Okay, "Janis." Just keep it down." "Yeah." "You realize you only have five strings." "You're missing a string there." "Five strings." "You're missing a string there." "Oh." "You're missing a string there." "Oh." "Well, I don't really need that oh." "Well, I don't really need that string, 'cause I don't use it well, I don't really need that string, 'cause I don't use it that often." "String, 'cause I don't use it that often." "I think it's all right." "That often." "I think it's all right." "You mean, the "e" string " "I think it's all right." "You mean, the "e" string -- pretty essential in most chords, you mean, the "e" string -- pretty essential in most chords, actually." "Pretty essential in most chords, actually." "Not the way I play." "Actually." "Not the way I play." "It's different." "Not the way I play." "It's different." "Okay, go away." "It's different." "Okay, go away." "Yeah, yeah." "Oh, my goodness, I am so hungry." "I'll have a water with a lemon, hungry." "I'll have a water with a lemon, and does the salad have chicken" "I'll have a water with a lemon, and does the salad have chicken in it?" "And does the salad have chicken in it?" "Yes, our finest cut of in it?" "Yes, our finest cut of chicken breast, marinated in yes, our finest cut of chicken breast, marinated in an exquisite sauce -- chicken breast, marinated in an exquisite sauce -- I'll have that but without" "an exquisite sauce -- I'll have that but without the chicken." "I'll have that but without the chicken." "I love chicken, but it's the chicken." "I love chicken, but it's Friday." "I love chicken, but it's Friday." "Oh, right." "Friday." "Oh, right." "Okay." "Oh, right." "Okay." "Can I have some beef?" "Okay." "Can I have some beef?" "Like, I don't -- something can I have some beef?" "Like, I don't -- something with -- everything with beef." "Like, I don't -- something with -- everything with beef." "If you can just, like, take with -- everything with beef." "If you can just, like, take everything that's on the menu in if you can just, like, take everything that's on the menu in beef, bring me one of it." "Everything that's on the menu in beef, bring me one of it." "And marinate it in milk." "Beef, bring me one of it." "And marinate it in milk." "Put her chicken on the side, and marinate it in milk." "Put her chicken on the side, too." "Put her chicken on the side, too." "That would be awesome." "Too." "That would be awesome." "Thank you." "That would be awesome." "Thank you." "Yes, sir." "Of course." "Thank you." "Yes, sir." "Of course." "Would you like to say grace?" "Yes, sir." "Of course." "Would you like to say grace?" "Not even a little bit." "Would you like to say grace?" "Not even a little bit." "Yeah, can I get a bud and a not even a little bit." "Yeah, can I get a bud and a shot of whatever well whiskey yeah, can I get a bud and a shot of whatever well whiskey you got." "Shot of whatever well whiskey you got." "Not hungry?" "You got." "Not hungry?" "I mean, kind of, but I got a not hungry?" "I mean, kind of, but I got a look at the kitchen on the way" "I mean, kind of, but I got a look at the kitchen on the way in here, and I just have higher look at the kitchen on the way in here, and I just have higher standards for my food." "In here, and I just have higher standards for my food." "O..." "Kay." "Standards for my food." "O..." "Kay." "I just mean, I want it o..." "Kay." "I just mean, I want it prepared by people who belong" "I just mean, I want it prepared by people who belong here." "Prepared by people who belong here." "Is the chicken free-range here." "Is the chicken free-range here?" "Is the chicken free-range here?" "And is it local?" "Here?" "And is it local?" "Actually, I'll just have the and is it local?" "Actually, I'll just have the steamed veggie plate." "Actually, I'll just have the steamed veggie plate." "Vegetarian?" "Steamed veggie plate." "Vegetarian?" "Oh, I don't like labels, vegetarian?" "Oh, I don't like labels, really." "Oh, I don't like labels, really." "I just don't like to exploit the really." "I just don't like to exploit the pain and suffering of innocent" "I just don't like to exploit the pain and suffering of innocent animals." "Pain and suffering of innocent animals." "Right on." "Animals." "Right on." "Can I get an Angus steak, bloody right on." "Can I get an Angus steak, bloody as hell?" "Can I get an Angus steak, bloody as hell?" "Just show it to the fire and as hell?" "Just show it to the fire and bring it to me." "Just show it to the fire and bring it to me." "I want to be able to taste its bring it to me." "I want to be able to taste its last moments." "I want to be able to taste its last moments." "And if you could bring a side of last moments." "And if you could bring a side of bacon, as well -- burnt bacon, and if you could bring a side of bacon, as well -- burnt bacon, okay?" "Bacon, as well -- burnt bacon, okay?" "And none of this okay?" "And none of this four-strips-on-a-plate bullshit." "And none of this four-strips-on-a-plate bullshit." "I want a bowl of bacon." "Four-strips-on-a-plate bullshit." "I want a bowl of bacon." "I want to be able to, like," "I want a bowl of bacon." "I want to be able to, like, reconstruct babe the talking pig" "I want to be able to, like, reconstruct babe the talking pig out of the mound of fucking reconstruct babe the talking pig out of the mound of fucking bacon you bring out here, all out of the mound of fucking bacon you bring out here, all right?" "Bacon you bring out here, all right?" "Thank you." "Right?" "Thank you." "I think I'll just have the thank you." "I think I'll just have the cosmo." "I think I'll just have the cosmo." "I don't want to eat very much." "Oh." "Can I get a whiskey..." "A lot of it?" "Can I get a whiskey..." "A lot of it?" "And a cosmo, right?" "It?" "And a cosmo, right?" "Mm-hmm." "And a cosmo, right?" "Mm-hmm." "For the..." "The lady?" "Mm-hmm." "For the..." "The lady?" "♪ and I'm just looking for the..." "The lady?" "♪ and I'm just looking for a climax to relax," "♪ and I'm just looking for a climax to relax, to get you off my mind ♪" "For a climax to relax, to get you off my mind ♪ ♪ it's time ♪" "To get you off my mind ♪ ♪ it's time ♪ ♪ you're haunting," "♪ it's time ♪ ♪ you're haunting, and I can't breathe" "♪ you're haunting, and I can't breathe whenever I think about... ♪" "And I can't breathe whenever I think about... ♪ basically, that's why I'm whenever I think about... ♪ basically, that's why I'm celibate till marriage." "Basically, that's why I'm celibate till marriage." "Couch is mine." "Celibate till marriage." "Couch is mine." "I'm sorry." "What?" "Couch is mine." "I'm sorry." "What?" "Hmm?" "I'm sorry." "What?" "Hmm?" "Oh, I just said, "I really hmm?" "Oh, I just said, "I really respect that."" "Oh, I just said, "I really respect that." I'm just saying if you're respect that." I'm just saying if you're gonna come to this country," "I'm just saying if you're gonna come to this country, learn American." "Gonna come to this country, learn American." "Faceless cunt." "Learn American." "Faceless cunt." "Uh, you mean English." "Faceless cunt." "Uh, you mean English." "Oh, don't even get me started uh, you mean English." "Oh, don't even get me started on them." "Oh, don't even get me started on them." "Oh, God." "On them." "Oh, God." "I'm gonna break Sasha in half." "Oh, God." "I'm gonna break Sasha in half." "I really love your energy." "I'm gonna break Sasha in half." "I really love your energy." "Your aura's, like, this deep" "I really love your energy." "Your aura's, like, this deep Amber color, which means you're your aura's, like, this deep Amber color, which means you're very passionate." "Amber color, which means you're very passionate." "Are you a scorpio?" "Very passionate." "Are you a scorpio?" "I'm sorry." "Hmm?" "Are you a scorpio?" "I'm sorry." "Hmm?" "I didn't hear a word you're" "I'm sorry." "Hmm?" "I didn't hear a word you're saying." "I didn't hear a word you're saying." "This is so tender." "Saying." "This is so tender." "They did terrible shit to this this is so tender." "They did terrible shit to this bovine." "They did terrible shit to this bovine." "This cow had friends." "Bovine." "This cow had friends." "So, tell me." "This cow had friends." "So, tell me." "What do you do for fun?" "So, tell me." "What do you do for fun?" "I drink." "What do you do for fun?" "I drink." "Me too!" "I drink." "Me too!" "Do you work out?" "Me too!" "Do you work out?" "Do you lift a lot?" "Do you work out?" "Do you lift a lot?" "You have big arms." "Do you lift a lot?" "You have big arms." "I like that." "You have big arms." "I like that." "Thank you." "I like that." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Like, lift things up and put you're welcome." "Like, lift things up and put them down, like, all day long?" "Like, lift things up and put them down, like, all day long?" "[ Laughs ]" "Them down, like, all day long?" "[ Laughs ] I guess." "[ Laughs ] I guess." "You're cute." "I guess." "You're cute." "You got a little something in you're cute." "You got a little something in this area." "You got a little something in this area." "In my teeth?" "This area." "In my teeth?" "Yeah." "In my teeth?" "Yeah." "Oh, my God." "Yeah." "Oh, my God." "I'm so sorry." "Oh, my God." "I'm so sorry." "I'm so embarrassed." "I'm so sorry." "I'm so embarrassed." "Thank you." "I'm so embarrassed." "Thank you." "No problem, bro." "Thank you." "No problem, bro." "Weren't you..." "Weren't you no problem, bro." "Weren't you..." "Weren't you clean-shaven in your picture?" "Weren't you..." "Weren't you clean-shaven in your picture?" "♪ ..." "And invisible to you, clean-shaven in your picture?" "♪ ..." "And invisible to you, but I'll be okay ♪" "♪ ...and invisible to you, but I'll be okay ♪ ♪ I just got to find but I'll be okay ♪ ♪ I just got to find my climax today ♪" "♪ I just got to find my climax today ♪ do you want to come to church my climax today ♪ do you want to come to church with me on Sunday?" "Do you want to come to church with me on Sunday?" "Hmm?" "With me on Sunday?" "Hmm?" "Sunday, church?" "Hmm?" "Sunday, church?" "My pastor, pastor Jeremy, is" "Sunday, church?" "My pastor, pastor Jeremy, is doing this really, really great my pastor, pastor Jeremy, is doing this really, really great sermon on how to remain pure in doing this really, really great sermon on how to remain pure in a relationship." "Sermon on how to remain pure in a relationship." "I'm gonna be busy that day..." "A relationship." "I'm gonna be busy that day..." "And every day..." "I'm gonna be busy that day..." "And every day..." "Forever." "And every day..." "Forever." "We make time for Jesus, Kyle." "Forever." "We make time for Jesus, Kyle." "Wait." "We make time for Jesus, Kyle." "Wait." "Are you not saved?" "Wait." "Are you not saved?" "I'm not really sure I -- are you not saved?" "I'm not really sure I -- oh, I have to get you into my" "I'm not really sure I -- oh, I have to get you into my small group." "Oh, I have to get you into my small group." "Your what group?" "Small group." "Your what group?" "Oh, and there's great your what group?" "Oh, and there's great in-depth Bible study on oh, and there's great in-depth Bible study on wednesdays." "In-depth Bible study on wednesdays." "Listen." "Wednesdays." "Listen." "I don't really think that's my listen." "I don't really think that's my kind of thing." "I don't really think that's my kind of thing." "Kyle, light has nothing in kind of thing." "Kyle, light has nothing in common with darkness." "Kyle, light has nothing in common with darkness." "So, where'd you find this common with darkness." "So, where'd you find this place?" "So, where'd you find this place?" "Yelp." "Place?" "Yelp." "Seems a little faggy, don't yelp." "Seems a little faggy, don't it?" "Seems a little faggy, don't it?" "I didn't notice." "It?" "I didn't notice." "So, I was telling Cassie" "I didn't notice." "So, I was telling Cassie that Mercury is in retrograde, so, I was telling Cassie that Mercury is in retrograde, and that's why she's not that Mercury is in retrograde, and that's why she's not communicating well!" "And that's why she's not communicating well!" "She didn't even listen when I communicating well!" "She didn't even listen when I read her her angel cards, but, she didn't even listen when I read her her angel cards, but, you know, sometimes you have to read her her angel cards, but, you know, sometimes you have to let people's spiritual energies" "you know, sometimes you have to let people's spiritual energies let themselves out on their own, let people's spiritual energies let themselves out on their own, you know?" "Let themselves out on their own, you know?" "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "You know?" "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "Aura." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "Aura." "Oh, my God, the bulls?" "Aura." "Oh, my God, the bulls?" "Like, really?" "Oh, my God, the bulls?" "Like, really?" "Dude, Jordan was a dynasty." "Like, really?" "Dude, Jordan was a dynasty." "Yeah, like ten years ago!" "Dude, Jordan was a dynasty." "Yeah, like ten years ago!" "How many champ-- how many yeah, like ten years ago!" "How many champ-- how many rings?" "How many champ-- how many rings?" "How many rings?" "Rings?" "How many rings?" "Not enough!" "How many rings?" "Not enough!" "Oh, okay." "Not enough!" "Oh, okay." "Oh, Jesus." "Oh, okay." "Oh, Jesus." "We need more drinks." "Oh, Jesus." "We need more drinks." "Yeah." "♪ Now I without you by my side ♪ ♪ should have never said without you by my side ♪ ♪ should have never said goodbye ♪" "♪ should have never said goodbye ♪ ♪ such a shame to see you go ♪" "Goodbye ♪ ♪ such a shame to see you go ♪ ♪ I wish I said no ♪" "♪ such a shame to see you go ♪ ♪ I wish I said no ♪ will you just pray" "♪ I wish I said no ♪ will you just pray "the sinner's prayer" with me?" "Will you just pray "the sinner's prayer" with me?" "The what prayer?" ""The sinner's prayer" with me?" "The what prayer?" ""The sinner's prayer."" "The what prayer?" ""The sinner's prayer." It'll take five minutes, and I" ""the sinner's prayer." It'll take five minutes, and I promise you will feel so much it'll take five minutes, and I promise you will feel so much better after you're saved." "Promise you will feel so much better after you're saved." "What does that even mean?" "Better after you're saved." "What does that even mean?" "From hell, silly." "What does that even mean?" "From hell, silly." "Okay." "From hell, silly." "Okay." "I should -- listen." "Okay." "I should -- listen." "Most of my friends are probably" "I should -- listen." "Most of my friends are probably going to hell, and I would hate most of my friends are probably going to hell, and I would hate to miss the party." "Going to hell, and I would hate to miss the party." "You know, they're mostly "the to miss the party." "You know, they're mostly "the gays."" "You know, they're mostly "the gays." And I'm not gay." "Gays." And I'm not gay." "I'm half gay, though." "And I'm not gay." "I'm half gay, though." "I mean, I'm on this date with" "I'm half gay, though." "I mean, I'm on this date with you, but I also love the cock," "I mean, I'm on this date with you, but I also love the cock, just any day of the week, you, but I also love the cock, just any day of the week, just..." "[ Snorting, gurgling ]" "No?" "All right, cool." "Peace." "I can't really..." "You have a tat?" "Pretty hardcore, right?" "You have a tat?" "Pretty hardcore, right?" "Wow!" "Pretty hardcore, right?" "Wow!" "That's a thing." "Wow!" "That's a thing." "You think that's hot?" "That's a thing." "You think that's hot?" "Oh, dear Jesus God, is that you think that's hot?" "Oh, dear Jesus God, is that Adolf Hitler on your stomach?" "Oh, dear Jesus God, is that Adolf Hitler on your stomach?" "You know, I'm really looking" "Adolf Hitler on your stomach?" "You know, I'm really looking for someone to be you know, I'm really looking for someone to be mein ubermensch." "For someone to be mein ubermensch." "Oh, you Nazi cunt." "Mein ubermensch." "Oh, you Nazi cunt." "No." "Oh, you Nazi cunt." "No." "So, I'm going on this retreat no." "So, I'm going on this retreat this weekend." "So, I'm going on this retreat this weekend." "It's gonna be amazing!" "This weekend." "It's gonna be amazing!" "Three days of "omm-ing" and it's gonna be amazing!" "Three days of "omm-ing" and getting in touch with our spirit three days of "omm-ing" and getting in touch with our spirit guides." "Getting in touch with our spirit guides." "S-spirit guides?" "Guides." "S-spirit guides?" "Uh-huh." "S-spirit guides?" "Uh-huh." "So, every night I get visited by uh-huh." "So, every night I get visited by three different spirits, and so, every night I get visited by three different spirits, and they help me get in touch with three different spirits, and they help me get in touch with enlightenment and also with the" "they help me get in touch with enlightenment and also with the goddess of the eternal menstrual enlightenment and also with the goddess of the eternal menstrual cycle." "Goddess of the eternal menstrual cycle." "Ri-I-ght." "Cycle." "Ri-I-ght." "I'm gonna go now." "Ri-I-ght." "I'm gonna go now." "Wait." "Hold on." "I'm gonna go now." "Wait." "Hold on." "Did you say spirit guides?" "Wait." "Hold on." "Did you say spirit guides?" "Do they get, like, all their did you say spirit guides?" "Do they get, like, all their work done by the time the do they get, like, all their work done by the time the night's over, and then you go, work done by the time the night's over, and then you go, and you buy the cratchits a" "night's over, and then you go, and you buy the cratchits a Turkey dinner?" "And you buy the cratchits a Turkey dinner?" "And then everybody's all happy?" "Turkey dinner?" "And then everybody's all happy?" "I'm talking about spiritual and then everybody's all happy?" "I'm talking about spiritual enlightenment, Kyle!" "I'm talking about spiritual enlightenment, Kyle!" "Don't you believe?" "Enlightenment, Kyle!" "Don't you believe?" "Bah humbug!" "Don't you believe?" "Bah humbug!" "I know." "Bah humbug!" "I know." "I am so over the whole Tim tebow" "I know." "I am so over the whole Tim tebow thing." "I am so over the whole Tim tebow thing." "Who the fuck is he, anyway?" "Thing." "Who the fuck is he, anyway?" "I have no idea." "Who the fuck is he, anyway?" "I have no idea." "If YouTube wasn't a thing, tebow" "I have no idea." "If YouTube wasn't a thing, tebow wouldn't be, either." "If YouTube wasn't a thing, tebow wouldn't be, either." "I know." "Wouldn't be, either." "I know." "Yeah." "I know." "Yeah." "Hey, I don't want to be too yeah." "Hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'm starting this hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'm starting this fantasy football league." "Forward, but I'm starting this fantasy football league." "Do you want to maybe exchange fantasy football league." "Do you want to maybe exchange e-mails?" "Hey, I'm home." "Hey." "So, my date tonight owes you hey." "So, my date tonight owes you a thank-you card for all those so, my date tonight owes you a thank-you card for all those yoga classes you've been taking a thank-you card for all those yoga classes you've been taking me to." "Yoga classes you've been taking me to." "That's great." "Me to." "That's great." "What you got there?" "That's great." "What you got there?" "Crushed ice." "What you got there?" "Crushed ice." "[ Laughing ] Sasha." "Crushed ice." "[ Laughing ] Sasha." "This is ridiculous." "[ Laughing ] Sasha." "This is ridiculous." "You really need to snap out of this is ridiculous." "You really need to snap out of it." "You really need to snap out of it." "Yeah, I'm trying." "It." "Yeah, I'm trying." "I think your brother has taken a yeah, I'm trying." "I think your brother has taken a vow of celibacy." "I think your brother has taken a vow of celibacy." "Okay." "Vow of celibacy." "Okay." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Okay." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Nothing." "Just okay." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Nothing." "Just okay." "No, no." "Nothing." "Just okay." "No, no." "That was a loaded "okay."" "No, no." "That was a loaded "okay." Lacey, if you have a problem, that was a loaded "okay." Lacey, if you have a problem, just bring it on." "Lacey, if you have a problem, just bring it on." "Fine." "You want to do this?" "Just bring it on." "Fine." "You want to do this?" "Let's do this." "Fine." "You want to do this?" "Let's do this." "It's not that my brother has let's do this." "It's not that my brother has joined the priesthood, Sasha." "It's not that my brother has joined the priesthood, Sasha." "It's just that he knows better joined the priesthood, Sasha." "It's just that he knows better than to stick his dick into it's just that he knows better than to stick his dick into crazy." "Than to stick his dick into crazy." "Oh, come on." "Crazy." "Oh, come on." "There is nothing wrong with any oh, come on." "There is nothing wrong with any of those girls." "There is nothing wrong with any of those girls." "No?" "Of those girls." "No?" "No." "No?" "No." "Lily?" "No." "Lily?" "Sarah?" "Richard?" "Lily?" "Sarah?" "Richard?" "Rachel." "Sarah?" "Richard?" "Rachel." "Really?" "Rachel." "Really?" "Really." "Really?" "Really." "He's having the surgery in a really." "He's having the surgery in a couple weeks." "He's having the surgery in a couple weeks." "Okay." "Couple weeks." "Okay." "And where on God's green did you okay." "And where on God's green did you find dawn?" "And where on God's green did you find dawn?" "There's nothing wrong with find dawn?" "There's nothing wrong with dawn." "There's nothing wrong with dawn." "Kyle overreacts." "Dawn." "Kyle overreacts." "It wasn't that big a deal." "Kyle overreacts." "It wasn't that big a deal." "She just has a couple unorthodox it wasn't that big a deal." "She just has a couple unorthodox opinions." "She just has a couple unorthodox opinions." "Who doesn't?" "Opinions." "Who doesn't?" "Unorthodox opinions?" "Who doesn't?" "Unorthodox opinions?" "Sasha, her opinion was that the unorthodox opinions?" "Sasha, her opinion was that the final solution was a swell idea." "Sasha, her opinion was that the final solution was a swell idea." "That's not unorthodox." "Final solution was a swell idea." "That's not unorthodox." "That's a crime against humanity!" "That's not unorthodox." "That's a crime against humanity!" "Oh, whatever." "That's a crime against humanity!" "Oh, whatever." "Sasha, I get that you want to oh, whatever." "Sasha, I get that you want to see him happy." "Sasha, I get that you want to see him happy." "I do!" "See him happy." "I do!" "I want to see him happy." "I do!" "I want to see him happy." "But I really don't think that i want to see him happy." "But I really don't think that this is the way to do it." "But I really don't think that this is the way to do it." "Wait." "Where are you going?" "This is the way to do it." "Wait." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to make sure your wait." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to make sure your brother doesn't cock-block" "I'm going to make sure your brother doesn't cock-block himself for the 39th time!" "Brother doesn't cock-block himself for the 39th time!" "Enough!" "Himself for the 39th time!" "Enough!" "Sasha, you're not gonna go spy enough!" "Sasha, you're not gonna go spy on my brother." "Sasha, you're not gonna go spy on my brother." "It beats sitting home, on my brother." "It beats sitting home, feeling lonely, and chewing on it beats sitting home, feeling lonely, and chewing on crushed ice!" "Feeling lonely, and chewing on crushed ice!" "I'm not letting you out of crushed ice!" "I'm not letting you out of that door until you listen to" "I'm not letting you out of that door until you listen to me." "That door until you listen to me." "I say this as somebody who loves me." "I say this as somebody who loves you." "I say this as somebody who loves you." "You are un-fucking-hinged." "You." "You are un-fucking-hinged." "Thank you for the support." "You are un-fucking-hinged." "Thank you for the support." "It means a lot." "Thank you for the support." "It means a lot." "I'm not done." "It means a lot." "I'm not done." "I mean it." "I'm not done." "I mean it." "I love you, but I'm not gonna" "I mean it." "I love you, but I'm not gonna let you stand around and talk" "I love you, but I'm not gonna let you stand around and talk about my brother this way, let you stand around and talk about my brother this way, especially when it is clear to about my brother this way, especially when it is clear to everybody but you and him that" "especially when it is clear to everybody but you and him that he is not the problem here." "Everybody but you and him that he is not the problem here." "So, now you're taking sides?" "He is not the problem here." "So, now you're taking sides?" "Since when are there sides?" "!" "So, now you're taking sides?" "Since when are there sides?" "!" "No, I'm not taking sides." "Since when are there sides?" "!" "No, I'm not taking sides." "But my brother has bent over no, I'm not taking sides." "But my brother has bent over backwards to make you feel but my brother has bent over backwards to make you feel better." "Backwards to make you feel better." "And all the while, he's better." "And all the while, he's suffering through unbearable and all the while, he's suffering through unbearable dates that his ex-wife sent him suffering through unbearable dates that his ex-wife sent him out on!" "Dates that his ex-wife sent him out on!" "While he is throwing himself on out on!" "While he is throwing himself on the relational sword, you are while he is throwing himself on the relational sword, you are sitting here in total denial." "The relational sword, you are sitting here in total denial." "Yeah, he's bent over sitting here in total denial." "Yeah, he's bent over backwards." "Yeah, he's bent over backwards." "Yeah, by insulting every single backwards." "Yeah, by insulting every single one of the girls I set him up yeah, by insulting every single one of the girls I set him up with." "One of the girls I set him up with." "Kyle is a smartass." "With." "Kyle is a smartass." "If you set him up with cult" "Kyle is a smartass." "If you set him up with cult members and halfwits, you pretty if you set him up with cult members and halfwits, you pretty much get what you ask for!" "Members and halfwits, you pretty much get what you ask for!" "If anybody but you had asked him much get what you ask for!" "If anybody but you had asked him to do anything like this, he if anybody but you had asked him to do anything like this, he would have laughed in their to do anything like this, he would have laughed in their faces, and you know it." "Would have laughed in their faces, and you know it." "And here you are, while he is faces, and you know it." "And here you are, while he is making himself miserable on your and here you are, while he is making himself miserable on your behalf, pretending it wouldn't making himself miserable on your behalf, pretending it wouldn't kill you if he actually did hit" "behalf, pretending it wouldn't kill you if he actually did hit it off with one of these girls." "Kill you if he actually did hit it off with one of these girls." "Now who's unhinged?" "It off with one of these girls." "Now who's unhinged?" "Yeah, that's right." "Now who's unhinged?" "Yeah, that's right." "I'm nuts." "Yeah, that's right." "I'm nuts." "Let me ask you a question." "I'm nuts." "Let me ask you a question." "Have you cried?" "Let me ask you a question." "Have you cried?" "What the fuck does that mean?" "Have you cried?" "What the fuck does that mean?" "I know you." "What the fuck does that mean?" "I know you." "You cry at pixar movies." "I know you." "You cry at pixar movies." "Well, yeah." "You cry at pixar movies." "Well, yeah." "I mean, anybody who can get well, yeah." "I mean, anybody who can get through the first 15 minutes of" "I mean, anybody who can get through the first 15 minutes of "up" without crying is soulless through the first 15 minutes of "up" without crying is soulless and inhuman." ""Up" without crying is soulless and inhuman." "You cry at the "feed the and inhuman." "You cry at the "feed the Ethiopian kids'" commercials." "You cry at the "feed the Ethiopian kids'" commercials." "And yet it's been..." "A year since" "Ethiopian kids'" commercials." "And yet it's been..." "A year since the split?" "And yet it's been..." "A year since the split?" "And I haven't seen you shed tear the split?" "And I haven't seen you shed tear one." "And I haven't seen you shed tear one." "You don't -- one." "You don't -- I thought he was supposed to you don't -- I thought he was supposed to be the love of your life." "I thought he was supposed to be the love of your life." "You don't want to have this be the love of your life." "You don't want to have this conversation with me!" "You don't want to have this conversation with me!" "No?" "Conversation with me!" "No?" "'Cause I think that if you were no?" "'Cause I think that if you were honest with yourself, you would 'cause I think that if you were honest with yourself, you would see that you aren't running honest with yourself, you would see that you aren't running towards a good, fierce fucking." "See that you aren't running towards a good, fierce fucking." "You're running as fast as you towards a good, fierce fucking." "You're running as fast as you can from the good cry you you're running as fast as you can from the good cry you haven't had yet." "Can from the good cry you haven't had yet." "You don't need Kyle to bang some haven't had yet." "You don't need Kyle to bang some skank, Sasha." "You don't need Kyle to bang some skank, Sasha." "You need to sit around in your skank, Sasha." "You need to sit around in your pjs with a pint of haagen dazs you need to sit around in your pjs with a pint of haagen dazs and bawl your fucking eyes out!" "Pjs with a pint of haagen dazs and bawl your fucking eyes out!" "Seriously." "And bawl your fucking eyes out!" "Seriously." "Ask yourself if this is even a seriously." "Ask yourself if this is even a little bit true." "Ask yourself if this is even a little bit true." "If you still think I'm full of little bit true." "If you still think I'm full of shit, fine." "If you still think I'm full of shit, fine." "Go ahead and walk out that door shit, fine." "Go ahead and walk out that door and go stalk your ex-husband go ahead and walk out that door and go stalk your ex-husband like a psycho." "And go stalk your ex-husband like a psycho." "But if I'm right, then please like a psycho." "But if I'm right, then please just sit down on the fucking but if I'm right, then please just sit down on the fucking couch and cry." "Just sit down on the fucking couch and cry." "I'll even go buy the ice cream couch and cry." "I'll even go buy the ice cream for you." "I'll even go buy the ice cream for you." "You done?" "[ Rock music plays ]" "Hi." "Are you Kyle?" "I'm Mary." "I'll have tonight's special, but soup instead of salad and a glass of house wine." "But soup instead of salad and a glass of house wine." "I'll have the same, and can I glass of house wine." "I'll have the same, and can I get a whiskey and ginger ale?" "I'll have the same, and can I get a whiskey and ginger ale?" "Thank you." "Get a whiskey and ginger ale?" "Thank you." "Ginger ale?" "Really?" "Thank you." "Ginger ale?" "Really?" "What?" "It's delicious." "Ginger ale?" "Really?" "What?" "It's delicious." "Okay, "Nancy."" "What?" "It's delicious." "Okay, "Nancy." All right, "house wine."" "Okay, "Nancy." All right, "house wine." Hey, it's usually a safe bet." "All right, "house wine." Hey, it's usually a safe bet." "I mean, yeah, if you like hey, it's usually a safe bet." "I mean, yeah, if you like your wine poured from a box into" "I mean, yeah, if you like your wine poured from a box into a Mason jar." "Your wine poured from a box into a Mason jar." "Listen." "A Mason jar." "Listen." "Don't knock boxed wine." "Listen." "Don't knock boxed wine." "It got me through a lot of don't knock boxed wine." "It got me through a lot of breakups." "It got me through a lot of breakups." "[ Scoffs ]" "Breakups." "[ Scoffs ] Oh, and it's fucking [ scoffs ] Oh, and it's fucking delicious." "Oh, and it's fucking delicious." "Ha!" "Delicious." "Ha!" "[ Chuckles ]" "Ha!" "[ Chuckles ] Right on." "I got nothing." "[ Chuckles ] Right on." "I got nothing." "It got me through most of right on." "I got nothing." "It got me through most of junior high." "Excuse me." "Excuse me, miss?" "I'm kind of busy here." "You're very beautiful." "Ugh!" "Yeah, I got a mint." "I'm starving." "Ugh!" "Yeah, I got a mint." "I'm starving." "A mint isn't gonna do." "I'm starving." "A mint isn't gonna do." "Think you could spare some a mint isn't gonna do." "Think you could spare some change so I can get something to think you could spare some change so I can get something to eat?" "Change so I can get something to eat?" "Sure." "Eat?" "Sure." "You're a Saint..." "Sure." "You're a Saint..." "A beautiful angel." "You're a Saint..." "A beautiful angel." "Who's losing patience fast." "A beautiful angel." "Who's losing patience fast." "Can you go away?" "Who's losing patience fast." "Can you go away?" "Thank you." "God bless!" "Aw, come on, man!" "Working on it." "So, he was just standing working on it." "So, he was just standing there, buck naked." "So, he was just standing there, buck naked." "[ Both laugh ]" "There, buck naked." "[ Both laugh ] What do you do in that [ both laugh ] What do you do in that situation?" "What do you do in that situation?" "I didn't know what to do." "Situation?" "I didn't know what to do." "So, I just left." "I didn't know what to do." "So, I just left." "It was your house!" "So, I just left." "It was your house!" "I know!" "It was your house!" "I know!" "I figured he'll work it out" "I know!" "I figured he'll work it out eventually." "I figured he'll work it out eventually." "Did he?" "Eventually." "Did he?" "Um..." "No." "Did he?" "Um..." "No." "I ended up dating him for, like, um..." "No." "I ended up dating him for, like, a year and a half." "I ended up dating him for, like, a year and a half." "Oh, wow!" "A year and a half." "Oh, wow!" "[ Laughing ] Yeah." "Oh, wow!" "[ Laughing ] Yeah." "Yeah, I know." "[ Laughing ] Yeah." "Yeah, I know." "I can pick real keepers, huh?" "Yeah, I know." "I can pick real keepers, huh?" "That's awesome." "I can pick real keepers, huh?" "That's awesome." "[ Sighs ]" "Hey, do you want to get out of here?" "I mean, not out of here, but here?" "I mean, not out of here, but I mean..." "I mean, not out of here, but I mean..." "I know a place." "I mean..." "I know a place." "We can get some drinks and," "I know a place." "We can get some drinks and, like, dance off this meal, we can get some drinks and, like, dance off this meal, maybe, a little bit?" "Like, dance off this meal, maybe, a little bit?" "Do you want to go someplace maybe, a little bit?" "Do you want to go someplace else?" "Do you want to go someplace else?" "I'm game." "Else?" "I'm game." "Okay, all right." "I'm game." "Okay, all right." "Okay, okay, I'll give you okay, all right." "Okay, okay, I'll give you 20 bucks to stop!" "Okay, okay, I'll give you 20 bucks to stop!" "Seriously?" "20 bucks to stop!" "Seriously?" "Yeah." "Seriously?" "Yeah." "[ Moans ]" "Yeah." "[ Moans ] Oh!" "[ Moans ] Oh!" "Oh, you're such an asshole." "Oh!" "Oh, you're such an asshole." "What?" "Oh, you're such an asshole." "What?" "I stopped." "Shit!" "[ Up-tempo dance music plays ]" "[ Laughs ]" "[ Both laugh ]" "You got moves." "You're not so bad yourself, tiger." "You're not so bad yourself, tiger." "I'm pretty spry for a fat tiger." "I'm pretty spry for a fat guy." "I'm pretty spry for a fat guy." "[ Laughs ]" "Hello." "Where are you from?" "A little town called where are you from?" "A little town called fuck off or I'll punch you in a little town called fuck off or I'll punch you in the balls." "Fuck off or I'll punch you in the balls." "Yeah." "The balls." "Yeah." "I've been there." "This is going okay, right?" "Yeah." "I mean, I like to think so." "Yeah." "I mean, I like to think so." "I'm just a little insecure." "I mean, I like to think so." "I'm just a little insecure." "What?" "!" "I'm just a little insecure." "What?" "!" "I mean, so far you're not a what?" "!" "I mean, so far you're not a member of the third reich." "I mean, so far you're not a member of the third reich." "You don't see dead people." "Member of the third reich." "You don't see dead people." "You're doing great." "You don't see dead people." "You're doing great." "What?" "!" "You're doing great." "What?" "!" "Long story." "What?" "!" "Long story." "[ Vomits ]" "Long story." "[ Vomits ] Oh, man!" "[ Vomits ] Oh, man!" "You just puked on my shoes." "Oh, man!" "You just puked on my shoes." "What the fuck is wrong with you just puked on my shoes." "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "!" "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "!" "Sorry." "Oh!" "I haven't been 100% honest with you." "I haven't been 100% honest with you." "What do you mean?" "With you." "What do you mean?" "Let's go back to my place." "What do you mean?" "Let's go back to my place." "All right." "Let's go back to my place." "All right." "But if we get back there, and all right." "But if we get back there, and there's a shrine to but if we get back there, and there's a shrine to Charlie sheen or something -- there's a shrine to Charlie sheen or something -- oh, just shut up and come" "Charlie sheen or something -- oh, just shut up and come with me." "Oh, just shut up and come with me." "[ Laughs ]" "Matthew?" "Oh, hey." "I don't know what Sasha -- oh, hey." "I don't know what Sasha -- hi, mom." "I don't know what Sasha -- hi, mom." "Hey, buddy." "Hi, mom." "Hey, buddy." "Did you brush your teeth hey, buddy." "Did you brush your teeth tonight?" "Did you brush your teeth tonight?" "Yep." "Tonight?" "Yep." "He brushed his teeth, he ate his yep." "He brushed his teeth, he ate his veggies, and he was a good boy, he brushed his teeth, he ate his veggies, and he was a good boy, like usual." "Veggies, and he was a good boy, like usual." "Oh, thanks, Stacy." "Like usual." "Oh, thanks, Stacy." "No problem." "Oh, thanks, Stacy." "No problem." "See you next week?" "No problem." "See you next week?" "Great." "See you next week?" "Great." "Good luck!" "Great." "Good luck!" "Awkward!" "Good luck!" "Awkward!" "Hey, mom, are you gonna keep awkward!" "Hey, mom, are you gonna keep this one around?" "Hey, mom, are you gonna keep this one around?" "Why don't you go get into this one around?" "Why don't you go get into bed, and I'll come and tuck you why don't you go get into bed, and I'll come and tuck you in in a few minutes, okay?" "Bed, and I'll come and tuck you in in a few minutes, okay?" "Okay." "Yeah." "Huh." "Mm-hmm." "Huh." "Mm-hmm." "Why don't you go make yourself mm-hmm." "Why don't you go make yourself comfortable and grab a drink?" "Why don't you go make yourself comfortable and grab a drink?" "I'm gonna go tuck him in." "Comfortable and grab a drink?" "I'm gonna go tuck him in." "Right on." "I'm gonna go tuck him in." "Right on." "Okay." "Finally." "Excuse me, miss." "You're very beautiful." "Could you -- you're very beautiful." "Could you -- oh, come on, man." "Could you -- oh, come on, man." "Did you just follow me here?" "Oh, come on, man." "Did you just follow me here?" "Oh, hey." "It's you." "Did you just follow me here?" "Oh, hey." "It's you." "No, this neighborhood has good oh, hey." "It's you." "No, this neighborhood has good dumpsters." "No, this neighborhood has good dumpsters." "What are you doing here?" "Dumpsters." "What are you doing here?" "None of your business, you what are you doing here?" "None of your business, you degenerate." "None of your business, you degenerate." "Fine." "Be that way." "You just gonna stand there all night?" "No." "Night?" "No." "So..." "What are you doing?" "I have no idea." "You want to talk about it?" "With you?" "You want to talk about it?" "With you?" "No!" "With you?" "No!" "It's crazy." "No!" "It's crazy." "Crazier than talking to it's crazy." "Crazier than talking to yourself on the street?" "Crazier than talking to yourself on the street?" "I don't see anyone else lining yourself on the street?" "I don't see anyone else lining up to hang out with you." "I don't see anyone else lining up to hang out with you." "You're an asshole." "Up to hang out with you." "You're an asshole." "You really are." "You're an asshole." "You really are." "Come on." "You really are." "Come on." "You need a drink, and I know a come on." "You need a drink, and I know a guy." "You need a drink, and I know a guy." "What the hell?" "Guy." "What the hell?" "Why not?" "What the hell?" "Why not?" "This night can't get any worse." "Why not?" "This night can't get any worse." "Let's do it." "This night can't get any worse." "Let's do it." "Oh." "Let's do it." "Oh." "One thing." "Oh." "One thing." "I got mace." "One thing." "I got mace." "Okay?" "So..." "So!" "Matthew?" "So!" "Matthew?" "Not the ending you were" "Matthew?" "Not the ending you were expecting from this date, huh?" "Not the ending you were expecting from this date, huh?" "Not exactly." "Expecting from this date, huh?" "Not exactly." "But, to be honest, I'm happy it not exactly." "But, to be honest, I'm happy it ended this way." "But, to be honest, I'm happy it ended this way." "Yeah?" "Ended this way." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "The way I see it, people just yeah." "The way I see it, people just jump into bed way too soon." "The way I see it, people just jump into bed way too soon." "It fucks everything up." "Jump into bed way too soon." "It fucks everything up." "I couldn't agree with you it fucks everything up." "I couldn't agree with you more!" "I couldn't agree with you more!" "But I thought that's what you more!" "But I thought that's what you were looking for." "But I thought that's what you were looking for." "Eh." "Were looking for." "Eh." "It's kind of more what my eh." "It's kind of more what my ex-wife is looking for, for me." "It's kind of more what my ex-wife is looking for, for me." "Oh." "Ex-wife is looking for, for me." "Oh." "You know, I half-responded to oh." "You know, I half-responded to your dating video out of, like, you know, I half-responded to your dating video out of, like, morbid curiosity." "Your dating video out of, like, morbid curiosity." "I was enthralled with your morbid curiosity." "I was enthralled with your undoubtedly interesting tale." "I was enthralled with your undoubtedly interesting tale." "But can I be honest with you?" "Undoubtedly interesting tale." "But can I be honest with you?" "You got a husband, and he's but can I be honest with you?" "You got a husband, and he's gonna be home any minute?" "You got a husband, and he's gonna be home any minute?" "No." "Very funny." "Gonna be home any minute?" "No." "Very funny." "I think you're taking this no." "Very funny." "I think you're taking this "good" ex thing a little too" "I think you're taking this "good" ex thing a little too far." ""Good" ex thing a little too far." "How do you mean?" "Far." "How do you mean?" "I mean, your ex-wife is how do you mean?" "I mean, your ex-wife is trying to pimp you out, and" "I mean, your ex-wife is trying to pimp you out, and you're letting her." "Trying to pimp you out, and you're letting her." "Well..." "Yeah." "You're letting her." "Well..." "Yeah." "She's just going through a well..." "Yeah." "She's just going through a really rough time right now, and she's just going through a really rough time right now, and we're still friends." "Really rough time right now, and we're still friends." "I just want to help." "We're still friends." "I just want to help." "And I get that, and it's" "I just want to help." "And I get that, and it's noble and all." "And I get that, and it's noble and all." "But..." "Aren't you going through a noble and all." "But..." "Aren't you going through a tough time?" "But..." "Aren't you going through a tough time?" "You're getting divorced, too." "So, let me get this straight." "You can't get off until your ex-husband does?" "You can't get off until your ex-husband does?" "Yep." "Ex-husband does?" "Yep." "That's the long and short of it." "Yep." "That's the long and short of it." "That's crazy." "That's the long and short of it." "That's crazy." "Tsk." "What do you know?" "That's crazy." "Tsk." "What do you know?" "I know normal people don't tsk." "What do you know?" "I know normal people don't stalk their exes on dates." "I know normal people don't stalk their exes on dates." "And they really don't share stalk their exes on dates." "And they really don't share booze with a crazy they met on and they really don't share booze with a crazy they met on the street." "Booze with a crazy they met on the street." "Whatever!" "The street." "Whatever!" "You sure you just don't need whatever!" "You sure you just don't need the right guy to fuck you you sure you just don't need the right guy to fuck you straight?" "The right guy to fuck you straight?" "Yeah, pretty positive." "Worth a shot." "Look." "I'm just some crazy sexual look." "I'm just some crazy sexual deviant." "I'm just some crazy sexual deviant." "Clearly, if I knew shit about deviant." "Clearly, if I knew shit about relationships, I'd still be clearly, if I knew shit about relationships, I'd still be living with ex-wife, I wouldn't relationships, I'd still be living with ex-wife, I wouldn't smell like shit, and my hand" "living with ex-wife, I wouldn't smell like shit, and my hand wouldn't be sticky." "Smell like shit, and my hand wouldn't be sticky." "So, consider the source." "Wouldn't be sticky." "So, consider the source." "But it seems to me like you have so, consider the source." "But it seems to me like you have some unresolved issues that you but it seems to me like you have some unresolved issues that you aren't addressing." "Some unresolved issues that you aren't addressing." "Oh, God, you sound just like aren't addressing." "Oh, God, you sound just like my roommate!" "Oh, God, you sound just like my roommate!" "I get that a lot." "My roommate!" "I get that a lot." "Really?" "I get that a lot." "Really?" "[ Laughing ] No." "Well, that's my cue." "You're ditching me." "Looks to me like you could do you're ditching me." "Looks to me like you could do with some contemplative alone looks to me like you could do with some contemplative alone time." "With some contemplative alone time." "That and I just scored some time." "That and I just scored some binoculars, and there are these that and I just scored some binoculars, and there are these apartments in the west village binoculars, and there are these apartments in the west village with college girls who don't" "apartments in the west village with college girls who don't know what blinds are for." "With college girls who don't know what blinds are for." "You are a strange dude, Jeff." "Know what blinds are for." "You are a strange dude, Jeff." "Yep!" "You are a strange dude, Jeff." "Yep!" "See ya." "Thanks for the drinks, Mary, and for the advice." "No problem, Kyle." "And for the advice." "No problem, Kyle." "But do yourself a favor and no problem, Kyle." "But do yourself a favor and start taking care of you." "But do yourself a favor and start taking care of you." "Thank you, Mary." "Start taking care of you." "Thank you, Mary." "And if you ever want to take thank you, Mary." "And if you ever want to take a milf out for a drink, you got and if you ever want to take a milf out for a drink, you got my number." "A milf out for a drink, you got my number." "Wow!" "My number." "Wow!" "Aggressive!" "Wow!" "Aggressive!" "I'm a single mom!" "Aggressive!" "I'm a single mom!" "I don't have time to be coy." "I'm a single mom!" "I don't have time to be coy." "I'll see you, Mary." "I don't have time to be coy." "I'll see you, Mary." "Bye." "I'll see you, Mary." "Bye." "Peace!" "Sasha?" "Shit." "What the hell are you doing shit." "What the hell are you doing here?" "What the hell are you doing here?" "I was in the neighborhood." "Here?" "I was in the neighborhood." "You live in Brooklyn." "I was in the neighborhood." "You live in Brooklyn." "Yeah, I can go out." "You live in Brooklyn." "Yeah, I can go out." "It's not like I stay home all yeah, I can go out." "It's not like I stay home all the time." "It's not like I stay home all the time." "No." "The time." "No." "What?" "No." "What?" "Are you spying on me?" "What?" "Are you spying on me?" "No, not spying." "Are you spying on me?" "No, not spying." "That's crazy!" "No, not spying." "That's crazy!" "You're fucking spying on me." "That's crazy!" "You're fucking spying on me." "No, I'm not." "You're fucking spying on me." "No, I'm not." "I " " I can't believe this." "No, I'm not." "I " " I can't believe this." "Look." "I " " I can't believe this." "Look." "It's not what it looks like." "Look." "It's not what it looks like." "I was just going for a walk." "It's not what it looks like." "I was just going for a walk." "No!" "You know what?" "I was just going for a walk." "No!" "You know what?" "Sasha, throughout this entire no!" "You know what?" "Sasha, throughout this entire ludicrous exercise, all I've" "Sasha, throughout this entire ludicrous exercise, all I've been trying to do is make you ludicrous exercise, all I've been trying to do is make you happy." "Been trying to do is make you happy." "All I want is to see you happy." "Happy." "All I want is to see you happy." "And you're here, what, making all I want is to see you happy." "And you're here, what, making sure your schlub of an and you're here, what, making sure your schlub of an ex-husband still has what it sure your schlub of an ex-husband still has what it takes to get his dick wet?" "Ex-husband still has what it takes to get his dick wet?" "Kyle -- takes to get his dick wet?" "Kyle -- well, you'll be sorry to hear" "Kyle -- well, you'll be sorry to hear that I failed to close yet well, you'll be sorry to hear that I failed to close yet another deal." "That I failed to close yet another deal." "What do you mean?" "Another deal." "What do you mean?" "I thought you and Mary hit it what do you mean?" "I thought you and Mary hit it off." "I thought you and Mary hit it off." "Oh, we did, but that's not off." "Oh, we did, but that's not the point." "Oh, we did, but that's not the point." "You once again omitted a major the point." "You once again omitted a major detail about yet another woman." "You once again omitted a major detail about yet another woman." "She has a child." "Detail about yet another woman." "She has a child." "How is that a problem?" "She has a child." "How is that a problem?" "It's not, and Matthew seems how is that a problem?" "It's not, and Matthew seems like a great kid." "It's not, and Matthew seems like a great kid." "But you know what?" "Like a great kid." "But you know what?" "I'm not ready to be a father." "But you know what?" "I'm not ready to be a father." "I'm not about to sacrifice my" "I'm not ready to be a father." "I'm not about to sacrifice my integrity or lead an innocent" "I'm not about to sacrifice my integrity or lead an innocent woman on just 'cause you got a integrity or lead an innocent woman on just 'cause you got a screw loose." "Woman on just 'cause you got a screw loose." "Kyle, I am so incredibly -- screw loose." "Kyle, I am so incredibly -- no!" "Kyle, I am so incredibly -- no!" "If you try to apologize to me no!" "If you try to apologize to me right now, while you're if you try to apologize to me right now, while you're currently making me feel so right now, while you're currently making me feel so small -- fuck it." "Currently making me feel so small -- fuck it." "I'm done." "Small -- fuck it." "I'm done." "Kyle, wait." "I'm done." "Kyle, wait." "No." "Kyle, wait." "No." "Keep the fucking couch!" "I'mgonnafindthatsaw,  'cause..." "'Cause I'm going away." "'Cause..." "'Cause I'm going away." "I ain't ever coming back." "'Cause I'm going away." "I ain't ever coming back." "Whywouldyoubegoingaway?" "I ain't ever coming back." "Whywouldyoubegoingaway?" "Well,I can'ttellyou , whywouldyoubegoingaway?" "Well,I can'ttellyou , 'cause I'm afraid you won't well,I can'ttellyou , 'cause I'm afraid you won't understand, baby." "'Cause I'm afraid you won't understand, baby." "Hey." "Understand, baby." "Hey." "Ionlyunderstandthat..." "Hey." "Ionlyunderstandthat..." "Hey." "Ionlyunderstandthat..." "Hey." "You okay?" "Hey." "You okay?" "Yep." "You need anything?" "Igoteverythingset for you ." "Nope." "Igoteverythingset for you ." "Nope." "WhenI 'mgone,Jeffcan  nope." "WhenI 'mgone,Jeffcan  straighten everything out." "WhenI 'mgone,Jeffcan  straighten everything out." "You and him get married and go straighten everything out." "You and him get married and go and live in that swell house you and him get married and go and live in that swell house and have kids." "I have to be going now." "Pleasedon'tgo ." "I..." "Not getting anything?" "No, because I'm not actually here." "No, because I'm not actually here." "I'm at home in my bed, having a here." "I'm at home in my bed, having a terrible dream in which my" "I'm at home in my bed, having a terrible dream in which my roommate and best friend has terrible dream in which my roommate and best friend has dragged me out at ungodly hour roommate and best friend has dragged me out at ungodly hour for pastries." "Dragged me out at ungodly hour for pastries." "It's noon, trey." "For pastries." "It's noon, trey." "Ungodly." "It's noon, trey." "Ungodly." "Okay." "Ungodly." "Okay." "Seriously?" "Okay." "Seriously?" "Hmm?" "Seriously?" "Hmm?" "You're not gonna tell me why hmm?" "You're not gonna tell me why we're here?" "You're not gonna tell me why we're here?" "It's Tuesday." "We're here?" "It's Tuesday." "Yeah, I know why you're here." "It's Tuesday." "Yeah, I know why you're here." "Where's your nondate?" "Yeah, I know why you're here." "Where's your nondate?" "Don't worry about it." "Where's your nondate?" "Don't worry about it." "Wait a minute." "Don't worry about it." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Has it finally happened?" "Wait a minute." "Has it finally happened?" "Have you finally branded your has it finally happened?" "Have you finally branded your ex-wife as the manipulative have you finally branded your ex-wife as the manipulative couch thief that she is?" "Ex-wife as the manipulative couch thief that she is?" "Oh, this is gonna be awesome." "Couch thief that she is?" "Oh, this is gonna be awesome." "Okay, look." "Oh, this is gonna be awesome." "Okay, look." "Private eyes has a wing platter okay, look." "Private eyes has a wing platter that is to die for!" "Private eyes has a wing platter that is to die for!" "Rick's?" "That is to die for!" "Rick's?" "They got a steak that's so good" "Rick's?" "They got a steak that's so good you can taste that it had they got a steak that's so good you can taste that it had friends." "You can taste that it had friends." "Lace!" "Friends." "Lace!" "Lace just started serving lace!" "Lace just started serving breakfast." "Lace just started serving breakfast." "What club do you want to start breakfast." "What club do you want to start with?" "What club do you want to start with?" "You're damaged." "With?" "You're damaged." "Come on." "You're damaged." "Come on." "Tell me you wouldn't enjoy come on." "Tell me you wouldn't enjoy having your steak experience tell me you wouldn't enjoy having your steak experience garnished with nubile, naked, having your steak experience garnished with nubile, naked, young flesh dancing around it?" "Garnished with nubile, naked, young flesh dancing around it?" "You say I'm sick?" "Young flesh dancing around it?" "You say I'm sick?" "You realize that your you say I'm sick?" "You realize that your insurance covers therapy, right?" "You realize that your insurance covers therapy, right?" "Like, two hours a week." "Insurance covers therapy, right?" "Like, two hours a week." "And she's not manipulative, by like, two hours a week." "And she's not manipulative, by the way." "And she's not manipulative, by the way." "She just followed me on my last the way." "She just followed me on my last date." "She just followed me on my last date." "What?" "Date." "What?" "I know." "Who does that?" "What?" "I know." "Who does that?" "Made me feel like such a fucking" "I know." "Who does that?" "Made me feel like such a fucking loser." "Made me feel like such a fucking loser." "No, no." "Loser." "No, no." "I mean..." "No, no." "I mean..." "What?" "!" "I mean..." "What?" "!" "Oh, my God." "What?" "!" "Oh, my God." "You still can't see it, can you?" "Oh, my God." "You still can't see it, can you?" "Hmm." "See what?" "You still can't see it, can you?" "Hmm." "See what?" "God, you are simple." "Hmm." "See what?" "God, you are simple." "It's not that she followed you" "God, you are simple." "It's not that she followed you on a date, Kyle." "It's not that she followed you on a date, Kyle." "It's that she made you go on on a date, Kyle." "It's that she made you go on dates in the first place." "It's that she made you go on dates in the first place." "We've been over this." "Dates in the first place." "We've been over this." "Yeah, not enough, apparently." "We've been over this." "Yeah, not enough, apparently." "Look." "Yeah, not enough, apparently." "Look." "I don't know what kind of look." "I don't know what kind of "lifetime" movie bullshit you've" "I don't know what kind of "lifetime" movie bullshit you've been exposing yourself to, where" ""lifetime" movie bullshit you've been exposing yourself to, where you think this is normal, but been exposing yourself to, where you think this is normal, but ex-wives do not try to get their you think this is normal, but ex-wives do not try to get their ex-husbands laid." "Ex-wives do not try to get their ex-husbands laid." "And ex-husbands do not allow ex-husbands laid." "And ex-husbands do not allow themselves to be pawned off on and ex-husbands do not allow themselves to be pawned off on other women by ex-wives." "Themselves to be pawned off on other women by ex-wives." "It's not like that." "Other women by ex-wives." "It's not like that." "She's just trying to make sure it's not like that." "She's just trying to make sure I'm okay." "She's just trying to make sure I'm okay." "No, Kyle, she's trying to" "I'm okay." "No, Kyle, she's trying to make sure she's okay." "No, Kyle, she's trying to make sure she's okay." "And that makes two of you, make sure she's okay." "And that makes two of you, 'cause she's the only person and that makes two of you, 'cause she's the only person whose well-being either one of 'cause she's the only person whose well-being either one of you seems to be concerned with." "Whose well-being either one of you seems to be concerned with." "Meanwhile, you're ignoring the you seems to be concerned with." "Meanwhile, you're ignoring the big picture." "Meanwhile, you're ignoring the big picture." "Which is what?" "Big picture." "Which is what?" "She's no longer your which is what?" "She's no longer your responsibility, Kyle." "She's no longer your responsibility, Kyle." "Entertaining all this shit in responsibility, Kyle." "Entertaining all this shit in the first place is an exercise entertaining all this shit in the first place is an exercise in emotional masochism." "The first place is an exercise in emotional masochism." "I mean, she doesn't get you." "In emotional masochism." "I mean, she doesn't get you." "She sent you out on a date with" "I mean, she doesn't get you." "She sent you out on a date with a would-be porn star and a week she sent you out on a date with a would-be porn star and a week later sent you out with a a would-be porn star and a week later sent you out with a card-carrying mormon." "Later sent you out with a card-carrying mormon." "Episcopalian." "Card-carrying mormon." "Episcopalian." "Whatever." "Episcopalian." "Whatever." "The point -- you deserve a woman whatever." "The point -- you deserve a woman who gets you." "The point -- you deserve a woman who gets you." "More to the point, you deserve who gets you." "More to the point, you deserve better for yourself." "More to the point, you deserve better for yourself." "Now fix your shit and stop better for yourself." "Now fix your shit and stop trying to make everybody else now fix your shit and stop trying to make everybody else around you feel better." "Trying to make everybody else around you feel better." "Yeah." "Oh, my God." "Oh, fuck me..." "...I'm so sorry." "Oh, fuck me..." "...I'm so sorry." "...On a pogo stick." "...I'm so sorry." "...On a pogo stick." "Jesus Christ." "...on a pogo stick." "Jesus Christ." "Oh!" "Jesus Christ." "Oh!" "Hey, it's you." "Oh!" "Hey, it's you." "Yeah." "And it's you." "Hey, it's you." "Yeah." "And it's you." "How are you?" "Yeah." "And it's you." "How are you?" "I'm fine." "How are you?" "I'm fine." "You're an asshole." "I'm fine." "You're an asshole." "You're right." "You're an asshole." "You're right." "He is an asshole." "You're right." "He is an asshole." "What's up?" "My name's trey." "He is an asshole." "What's up?" "My name's trey." "Hey, trey, buddy, you want to what's up?" "My name's trey." "Hey, trey, buddy, you want to do me a favor?" "Hey, trey, buddy, you want to do me a favor?" "Sure." "Do me a favor?" "Sure." "Get yourself a latte!" "Sure." "Get yourself a latte!" "Fine." "Get yourself a latte!" "Fine." "I'm taking this one for myself." "Fine." "I'm taking this one for myself." "Uh-huh." "I'm taking this one for myself." "Uh-huh." "Excuse me." "Uh-huh." "Excuse me." "Okay." "Hi." "What's up?" "Excuse me." "Okay." "Hi." "What's up?" "All right." "Okay." "Hi." "What's up?" "All right." "Why am I an asshole?" "All right." "Why am I an asshole?" "You never called me." "Why am I an asshole?" "You never called me." "Oh, fuck." "You never called me." "Oh, fuck." "I don't know about you, but oh, fuck." "I don't know about you, but where I come from, a guy charms" "I don't know about you, but where I come from, a guy charms a lady in a coffee line, it where I come from, a guy charms a lady in a coffee line, it means something." "A lady in a coffee line, it means something." "No, you're right." "Means something." "No, you're right." "Oh, God damn." "No, you're right." "Oh, God damn." "I'm sorry." "Oh, God damn." "I'm sorry." "I've just had a really crazy" "I'm sorry." "I've just had a really crazy week." "I've just had a really crazy week." "So..." "How are we gonna fix week." "So..." "How are we gonna fix this?" "Hello?" "Hi." "Karen?" "I don't know if you remember me, hi." "Karen?" "I don't know if you remember me, but we met in the coffee house" "I don't know if you remember me, but we met in the coffee house the other day?" "But we met in the coffee house the other day?" "I was just wondering." "The other day?" "I was just wondering." "You want to go out sometime?" "I was just wondering." "You want to go out sometime?" "I don't know." "You want to go out sometime?" "I don't know." "I plan on meeting this cute guy" "I don't know." "I plan on meeting this cute guy I ran into today." "I plan on meeting this cute guy I ran into today." "Oh, and when's that" "I ran into today." "Oh, and when's that happening?" "Oh, and when's that happening?" "Friday, 8:00." "Happening?" "Friday, 8:00." "It's too bad." "Friday, 8:00." "It's too bad." "Don't decide to have another it's too bad." "Don't decide to have another crazy week and forgot that you don't decide to have another crazy week and forgot that you called me." "Crazy week and forgot that you called me." "I know where you bagel." "[ Exhales ]" "Wow!" "Dibs." "♪ 'Cause I'm looking for a lifeline for something to let me know for a lifeline for something to let me know that my dreams come true, for something to let me know that my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪" "That my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you ♪" "Just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you-u-u ♪" "♪ just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you-u-u ♪ ♪ you-u-u ♪" "♪ just like me and you-u-u ♪ ♪ you-u-u ♪ ♪ you-u-u-u ♪" "[ No audio ] ♪ is it the alcohol or your body making my head spin?" "♪" "♪ is it the alcohol or your body making my head spin?" "♪ ♪ whenever I am next to you, making my head spin?" "♪ ♪ whenever I am next to you, my heart's so paper-thin ♪" "♪ whenever I am next to you, my heart's so paper-thin ♪ ♪ so, write your story my heart's so paper-thin ♪ ♪ so, write your story and show me" "♪ so, write your story and show me that what we have is real ♪" "And show me that what we have is real ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking that what we have is real ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking for some company" "♪ 'cause I'm looking for some company to learn how to feel ♪" "For some company to learn how to feel ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking to learn how to feel ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking for a lifeline" "♪ 'cause I'm looking for a lifeline or something to let me know for a lifeline or something to let me know that my dreams come true, or something to let me know that my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪" "That my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking just like me and you ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking for a lifeline" "♪ 'cause I'm looking for a lifeline or something to let me know for a lifeline or something to let me know that my dreams come true, or something to let me know that my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪" "That my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you ♪" "Just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you-u-u ♪" "♪ just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you-u-u ♪ ♪ you-u-u ♪" "♪ just like me and you-u-u ♪ ♪ you-u-u ♪ ♪ you-u-u ♪" "♪ you-u-u ♪ ♪ you-u-u ♪ ♪ a restless mind" "♪ you-u-u ♪ ♪ a restless mind and a restless heart ♪" "♪ a restless mind and a restless heart ♪ ♪ tell me what I'll do, and a restless heart ♪ ♪ tell me what I'll do, and I'll play my part ♪" "♪ tell me what I'll do, and I'll play my part ♪ ♪ with all my heart and I'll play my part ♪ ♪ with all my heart and all I feel" "♪ with all my heart and all I feel to the sound and all I feel to the sound on these strings of steel ♪" "To the sound on these strings of steel ♪ ♪ some glancing blows, on these strings of steel ♪ ♪ some glancing blows, my dear ♪" "♪ some glancing blows, my dear ♪ ♪ this is only for you to hear ♪" "My dear ♪ ♪ this is only for you to hear ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking" "♪ this is only for you to hear ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking for a lifeline" "♪ 'cause I'm looking for a lifeline or something to let me know for a lifeline or something to let me know that my dreams come true, or something to let me know that my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪" "That my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you ♪" "Just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking" "♪ just like me and you ♪ ♪ 'cause I'm looking for a lifeline" "♪ 'cause I'm looking for a lifeline or something to let me know for a lifeline or something to let me know that my dreams come true, or something to let me know that my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪" "That my dreams come true, just like me and you ♪ ♪ just like me and you ♪" "♪ when you blanked before, my mind, it faded away, and all I wanted you to do my mind, it faded away, and all I wanted you to do was stay ♪" "And all I wanted you to do was stay ♪ ♪ when you blanked before, was stay ♪ ♪ when you blanked before, my mind, it faded away ♪" "♪ when you blanked before, my mind, it faded away ♪ ♪ all I wanted you to do my mind, it faded away ♪ ♪ all I wanted you to do was stay ♪" "Hey." "Hey." "So, um..." "You sure you're ready hey." "So, um..." "You sure you're ready to do this?" "So, um..." "You sure you're ready to do this?" "Once we turn these in, it's to do this?" "Once we turn these in, it's official." "Once we turn these in, it's official." "Yeah, it's unreal, right?" "Official." "Yeah, it's unreal, right?" "Kyle, I am so incredibly yeah, it's unreal, right?" "Kyle, I am so incredibly sorry about the other night." "Kyle, I am so incredibly sorry about the other night." "There's absolutely no excuse for sorry about the other night." "There's absolutely no excuse for what I did." "There's absolutely no excuse for what I did." "I've just been completely out of what I did." "I've just been completely out of my head." "I've just been completely out of my head." "I just..." "My head." "I just..." "I don't want you to feel" "I just..." "I don't want you to feel anything less than what you are," "I don't want you to feel anything less than what you are, which is an incredible, anything less than what you are, which is an incredible, incredible person." "Which is an incredible, incredible person." "Thank you." "Incredible person." "Thank you." "That's really big of you." "Thank you." "That's really big of you." "And it's fine." "That's really big of you." "And it's fine." "I mean, none of this has been and it's fine." "I mean, none of this has been easy on either of us." "I mean, none of this has been easy on either of us." "So, hey, I met someone." "Easy on either of us." "So, hey, I met someone." "Did you really?" "So, hey, I met someone." "Did you really?" "Yeah." "Did you really?" "Yeah." "That's great." "Yeah." "That's great." "Remember "bagel slut"?" "That's great." "Remember "bagel slut"?" "No way!" "Remember "bagel slut"?" "No way!" "Yeah." "No way!" "Yeah." "Turns out her name's Karen." "Yeah." "Turns out her name's Karen." "Not a slut, doesn't like bagels, turns out her name's Karen." "Not a slut, doesn't like bagels, which is weird." "Not a slut, doesn't like bagels, which is weird." "[ Laughs ]" "Which is weird." "[ Laughs ] That's awesome." "[ Laughs ] That's awesome." "I'm really, really happy for that's awesome." "I'm really, really happy for you." "I'm really, really happy for you." "I really, really am." "You." "I really, really am." "Kyle, I can't " " I can't do" "I really, really am." "Kyle, I can't " " I can't do this." "Kyle, I can't " " I can't do this." "What?" "This." "What?" "I can't." "What?" "I can't." "I don't want to get a divorce." "I can't." "I don't want to get a divorce." "What are you talking about?" "I don't want to get a divorce." "What are you talking about?" "We're -- we're here." "It's done." "What are you talking about?" "We're -- we're here." "It's done." "No, it's not done." "We're -- we're here." "It's done." "No, it's not done." "If we don't hand in these no, it's not done." "If we don't hand in these papers, it's not done." "If we don't hand in these papers, it's not done." "Look." "Papers, it's not done." "Look." "I know I've been absolutely look." "I know I've been absolutely insane these past couple weeks," "I know I've been absolutely insane these past couple weeks, but I finally, finally figured insane these past couple weeks, but I finally, finally figured it out." "But I finally, finally figured it out." "I just " " I miss you so much." "It out." "I just " " I miss you so much." "We worked before." "I just " " I miss you so much." "We worked before." "There's absolutely no reason we worked before." "There's absolutely no reason that we can't work again." "There's absolutely no reason that we can't work again." "You know it's true." "That we can't work again." "You know it's true." "I know you feel the same way I you know it's true." "I know you feel the same way I do." "I know you feel the same way I do." "Sasha..." "Do." "Sasha..." "You're wrong." "Sasha..." "You're wrong." "No." "You're wrong." "No." "I love you." "No." "I love you." "I'm always going to love you." "I love you." "I'm always going to love you." "But we're broken." "I'm always going to love you." "But we're broken." "No." "But we're broken." "No." "I wish..." "No." "I wish..." "I wish we weren't." "I wish..." "I wish we weren't." "But we tried to make it work" "I wish we weren't." "But we tried to make it work several times, and we couldn't." "But we tried to make it work several times, and we couldn't." "You know why we -- we got several times, and we couldn't." "You know why we -- we got together when we were a couple you know why we -- we got together when we were a couple of dumb kids who had no idea." "Together when we were a couple of dumb kids who had no idea." "We..." "Of dumb kids who had no idea." "We..." "Of course I miss you." "We..." "Of course I miss you." "Of course I miss us." "Of course I miss you." "Of course I miss us." "I need you." "Of course I miss us." "I need you." "[ Sighs ]" "I need you." "[ Sighs ] We tried, but we couldn't make [ sighs ] We tried, but we couldn't make it work." "We tried, but we couldn't make it work." "Now we can." "It work." "Now we can." "No." "Now we can." "No." "We really can't." "No." "We really can't." "We need to move on." "We really can't." "We need to move on." "We need to let go." "We need to move on." "We need to let go." "We deserve better." "We need to let go." "We deserve better." "You're..." "You're right." "We deserve better." "You're..." "You're right." "I love you, Sasha." "You were right." "I know." "You want me to stick around?" "Mnh-mnh." "Thanks." "Mnh-mnh." "Thanks." "You sure?" "Thanks." "You sure?" "I like ice cream and you sure?" "I like ice cream and "dirty dancing," too." "I like ice cream and "dirty dancing," too." "[ Laughs ]" ""Dirty dancing," too." "[ Laughs ] I know." "I love you, Sasha." "I love you, too." "[ Doorbell rings ]" "Did you forget your keys again?" "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "What are you doing here?" "Hey." "What are you doing here?" "Your roommate said I should what are you doing here?" "Your roommate said I should stop by." "Your roommate said I should stop by." "Bitch." "Stop by." "Bitch." "Well, can I come in?" "Bitch." "Well, can I come in?" "Listen, Scott." "Well, can I come in?" "Listen, Scott." "I really " " I can't." "Listen, Scott." "I really " " I can't." "I think you're a super-nice guy," "I really " " I can't." "I think you're a super-nice guy, and I had a lot of fun, but I" "I think you're a super-nice guy, and I had a lot of fun, but I just finalized my divorce papers and I had a lot of fun, but I just finalized my divorce papers today, and I've been in denial" "just finalized my divorce papers today, and I've been in denial for a really long time." "Today, and I've been in denial for a really long time." "And I really should have just for a really long time." "And I really should have just been listening to my friends, and I really should have just been listening to my friends, but I'm sorry if I'm rambling." "Been listening to my friends, but I'm sorry if I'm rambling." "I guess just what I'm trying to but I'm sorry if I'm rambling." "I guess just what I'm trying to say is, like, I just " "I guess just what I'm trying to say is, like, I just -- slow down." "Slow down." "Say is, like, I just -- slow down." "Slow down." "I'm not talking about dating you slow down." "Slow down." "I'm not talking about dating you or going steady or seeing you on" "I'm not talking about dating you or going steady or seeing you on some semi-exclusive basis." "Or going steady or seeing you on some semi-exclusive basis." "I'm just talking about this some semi-exclusive basis." "I'm just talking about this gorgeous girl standing in front" "I'm just talking about this gorgeous girl standing in front of me, who just went through a gorgeous girl standing in front of me, who just went through a tough emotional time and who I of me, who just went through a tough emotional time and who I owe an orgasm to." "Tough emotional time and who I owe an orgasm to." "Just one?" "Owe an orgasm to." "Just one?" "[ Laughs ]" "Just one?" "[ Laughs ] Seriously, I can't." "[ Laughs ] Seriously, I can't." "I have, like, all this ice cream seriously, I can't." "I have, like, all this ice cream to eat and even more crying to" "I have, like, all this ice cream to eat and even more crying to do." "To eat and even more crying to do." "It's a mess." "Do." "It's a mess." "Yeah, but it works, right?" "It's a mess." "Yeah, but it works, right?" "You know what?" "Yeah, but it works, right?" "You know what?" "Actually, it does." "You know what?" "Actually, it does." "Fuck it." "[ Rock music plays ]" "Oh, hey." "Hey." "How's Sasha?" "Hey." "How's Sasha?" "I left her with a pint of how's Sasha?" "I left her with a pint of haagen dazs." "I left her with a pint of haagen dazs." "She'll be all right." "Haagen dazs." "She'll be all right." "How about Kyle?" "She'll be all right." "How about Kyle?" "Is he here?" "How about Kyle?" "Is he here?" "No, no." "Is he here?" "No, no." "I think h's out, running around no, no." "I think h's out, running around with his new thing." "I think h's out, running around with his new thing." "Good." "So, are you gonna let me in, or..." "Right on." "Or..." "Right on." "Did you remember the valkyrie right on." "Did you remember the valkyrie costume?" "Did you remember the valkyrie costume?" "It's in my bag." "Costume?" "It's in my bag." "Do you remember the safe word?" "It's in my bag." "Do you remember the safe word?" "Yes, I remember the safe do you remember the safe word?" "Yes, I remember the safe word." "Yes, I remember the safe word." "Want me to bring the hammer down word." "Want me to bring the hammer down on that ass?" "Want me to bring the hammer down on that ass?" "[ Slapping sounds ]" "On that ass?" "[ Slapping sounds ] Oh, fuck!" "[ Slapping sounds ] Oh, fuck!" "Key lime!" "Key lime!" "♪ She likes the taste of the old French gauloise ♪" "Of the old French gauloise ♪ ♪ she likes the smell" "♪ she likes the smell of the mean machines ♪" "Of the mean machines ♪ ♪ and all the boys" "♪ and all the boys in versace tank tops, in versace tank tops, holding hands holding hands in their tight blue jeans ♪" "In their tight blue jeans ♪ ♪ they're so sleazy ♪" "♪ they're so sleazy ♪ ♪ really turns her on ♪" "♪ really turns her on ♪ ♪ ah-ha, hey-hey ♪" "♪ ah-ha, hey-hey ♪ ♪ lovely way to spend a day ♪" "♪ lovely way to spend a day ♪ ♪ ah-ha, hey-hey ♪" "♪ ah-ha, hey-hey ♪ ♪ give her the money" "♪ give her the money and take her away ♪" "And take her away ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪ ♪ she doesn't have to try ♪" "♪ she doesn't have to try ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪ ♪ she's so high she can nearly" "♪ she's so high she can nearly kiss the sky goodbye ♪" "Kiss the sky goodbye ♪ [ Guitar solo ]" "♪ She's so sophisticated ♪ ♪ she's so intoxicated ♪" "♪ she's so intoxicated ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪ ♪ she doesn't have to try ♪" "♪ she doesn't have to try ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪ ♪ she's so high she can nearly" "♪ she's so high she can nearly kiss the sky ♪" "Kiss the sky ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪ ♪ she doesn't have to try ♪" "♪ she doesn't have to try ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪ ♪ she's so high she can nearly" "♪ she's so high she can nearly kiss the sky goodbye ♪" "Kiss the sky goodbye ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪ ♪ she doesn't have to try ♪" "♪ she doesn't have to try ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪ ♪ she's so high she can nearly" "♪ she's so high she can nearly kiss the sky goodbye ♪" "Kiss the sky goodbye ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪ ♪ she doesn't have to try ♪" "♪ she doesn't have to try ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪ ♪ she's so high she can nearly" "♪ she's so high she can nearly kiss the sky goodbye ♪" "Kiss the sky goodbye ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho sophisticated ♪ ♪ she doesn't have to try ♪" "♪ she doesn't have to try ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho intoxicated ♪ ♪ she's so high she can nearly" "♪ she's so high she can nearly kiss the sky goodbye ♪" "Kiss the sky goodbye ♪ ♪ she's so-ho-ho ♪" "♪ she's so-ho-ho ♪ ♪ goodbye ♪" "♪ goodbye ♪ ♪ goodbye ♪"