" Good morning, everyone." " Oh." "My." "Goodness." "Sarge." "What." "Are." "The." "Chances?" " I say zero?" " Ugh!" "I mean, when Genevieve got me these suspenders," "I thought I'd lean into it and go for the whole look, but I didn't want to step on your toes." "That being said, you know what this means." " Don't do this, Charles." " Oh, it's already done." "Gather round, y'all." "It's time to play" ""Who Wore It Best?"" " I'd really rather not." " Because you're a wittle chicken?" "Who wore it best?" "Who wore it best?" "Who wore it beeest?" " Terry." " What?" " Come on!" " You should change, Boyle." " Fine." " Not here!" " Hey, Peralta." " How's it going, man?" " Pretty good." "Thanks for asking." " Cool, cool, cool." " So how's it going?" " I'm still pretty good." " Nothing has changed." " I hadn't heard about that." " All right, you're clearly not listening to me." " I can say whatever I want." " Tell me about it." " I murdered Charles this weekend." " I feel you." " Now that I have the taste for blood," " I can't stop murdering." " Been there." " Okay, Sarge." "Sarge?" " Jake." " When'd you get here?" " Wow." " I'm sorry." "I'm just trying to see if Captain Holt is done with his meeting yet." "So, how's it going?" " Okay." "We've been over this." " I'm pretty good." "Why are you acting so weird?" " I'm nervous." " I'm gonna talk to Captain Holt about getting me more responsibility." "Well, got to go." ""Die Hard." Explosions." "Whatever." " Wait, no!" "Just when the conversation was getting interesting!" " Hello, Captain Raymond Holt, it is I, Sergeant Terrance Jeffords, your friend, but more importantly, your employee." " I've never heard you speak like this, Sergeant." "I like it." "Each sentence so rife with information." " Go on, please." " Thank you." "I can do more, sir." "I'd like to take on additional responsibilities." " Good." "I like seeing you take initiative." "Let's see what there is." "One Police Plaza is looking for a City Council liaison." "That's a rewarding but challenging opportunity, but I think you'll do a great job." " That sounds perfect." " Thank you, Captain." " My pleasure." "The application is due tomorrow." " Okay." " It's 96 pages." " Okay." "Okay." " Not including a 4,000-word personal essay." " Okay." "Okay." "Okay." " Will that be a problem?" " No!" "Not a problem for Terry." "Terry does not have a problem at all." "Terry's got a big problem!" " Ooh!" "Math or real life?" " Why would I have a big math problem?" " I've seen it happen." " I'm supposed to pick up" "Cagney and Lacey from day care in 30 minutes, but I have to stay late to work on an application" "I just got from Holt." " They're six." " They can take the subway." " Rosa, that's crazy." " They're babies." "Terry, just call them an Uber." " Or just have your sitter pick 'em up." " Scully actually has the most reasonable idea." "These truly are strange days." " Sharon can't pick 'em up 'cause she's out of town with Ava, and the sitter doesn't get to my house till 6:30." " Jake and I can pick them up." " Absolutely." "Couple of issues..." "I don't have any car seats, and my rear window is technically a "shower curtain."" " Really?" "Why?" " Mm." " You know what?" " Doesn't matter." " Just take my minivan." " You got it." " Thanks, guys." " I appreciate it." " Mm, mm-mm-mm-mm!" "Mm-mm!" " Why are you doing that with your face?" " I'm smiling at Mommy and Daddy." " Ugh." " Gross." " Picking up Cagney and Lacey." "One taste of practice parenting, and you two will be so hot to have sex." "The kind that make babies." " Walk away, Charles." " Okay." "But I'll be back in nine months." " How ridiculous is Charles?" " Pssh." " So ridiculous." "Pssh." " Pssh." " Pssh." " Pssh." " Hey, girls!" "Who's the coolest person you've ever met in your entire lives?" "You are!" " And who's the most handsome dude in all the land, even objectively more than Idris Elba?" "You are!" " Man, kids are awesome." "You can tell them literally anything, and they'll just say it." " I know, right?" " Check it out." "Who was the first female congresswoman?" "Jeannette Rankin!" " Oh." "That's fun." " They won't get teased for that." "Up." "Down." "Up." "Down." "Up." "Down." "Up." "Down." "Up." "Down." " Oh, uh, maybe don't play with the windows?" "Jake, tell them to stop." " But playing with the windows is fun." " Jake." " And... it could spark a lifelong interest in mechanical engineering." "But sure." "If you want, I'll tell these young girls that you don't think science is a good fit for them." " Play with those windows, ladies." "Yay!" " That was actually really cool with Cagney and Lacey." "I think we rocked it." " Right?" "I don't see what the big deal is about being a parent..." "That was so easy." " Yeah, anyone who's ever complained about parenting has no idea what they're doing." "Mm." "Hey, it's the sarge." "Probably calling for some child-rearing tips." "Parent of the year speaking." "Terry, baby, talk to me." " Where the hell is Moo Moo?" " Oh, no." "I think Terry has a child named Moo Moo, and we forgot to pick her up." " It's not a baby, Jake." "It's Cagney's blankie." "She calls it that because it has a little cow head." "She said she had it in the minivan." "Where is it now?" " Uhhh..." "Up." "Down." "Up." "Down." "Up." "Down." "Up." "Down." " Never let 'em play with the windows." "That's Parenting 101." "And Santiago, I can't believe you didn't stop it." " I'm sorry, sir." "I knew it was wrong, and I did nothing, which is ultimately worse." " Cagney can't sleep without Moo Moo, and if Cagney doesn't sleep, then Lacey doesn't sleep, and if Cagney and Lacey don't sleep..." " Terry doesn't sleep." " No." "Jake doesn't live." " Oh, my God." " Where did you start letting them play with the windows?" " Uh, on Eighth." " It was close to the house." " It better be." "The sitter leaves in ten minutes, and this is the last thing I need!" " Okay." " So sorry about this, Sarge." "Oh, and one more thing." "I love you." " I love you too, Jake." "Moo Moo?" "Moo Moo!" " What's going on, buddy?" " Oh, hey." " Whoa, whoa, don't move." " Oh, I was just..." " Step back." "Keep your hands where I can see 'em." "Drop that." " Hey, Sarge." "We felt really bad about Moo Moo, so we got you a new one." " She's called New Moo." " I don't want it." " Oh, the liaison application got you down?" " I finished that." " I know." "There's nothing sadder than finishing a nice, long juicy application." "It's like, why can't there be another essay or even a short answer?" " No one is relating to you right now." "What's wrong?" " I got stopped by a cop last night." " Stopped for what?" " Stopped for walking." " That makes zero sense unless..." "Oh, crap." "I see what happened." " Yeah." " Sarge, that's terrible." " That's so messed up." " Oh, jeez." " I have no idea what's going on." " He got stopped for being black." " Get woke, Scully." " What happened?" " It was right after I found Moo Moo." " What're you doing in this neighborhood," " buddy?" " I live here." "Listen..." " Whoa." "You need to lower your voice." " Lower my voice?" " You know what?" " Put your hands on your head." "Turn around." "Don't make any sudden movements." " I didn't do anything." " Also, I'm a..." " Keep talking." " See what happens next, huh?" "Big guy." " Well, did you tell him you're a cop?" " I tried to, but things escalated so quickly, and I didn't have my badge on me." "I eventually told him, and he finally looked me up in the system and let me go." " I can't believe this..." " I mean, nothing like that has ever happened to me, and I've done some pretty suspicious things in the street." " Hey, hey, hey, there." " What are you doing?" " I'm just playing a prank on my buddy." " Sounds fun." " Carry on." " It was a very good prank." "I totally thought I was gonna die." " I mean, I've had run-ins with officers before, but this one really stings." "It was right outside my home." " So what are you gonna do?" " Slash his tires?" "You shouldn't do that, but just out of curiosity, what kind of car does he drive, and where does he park it?" " You could file an official complaint." "I mean, Captain Holt would wield that like a hammer and crush the guy." " I don't want to start a whole hullaballoo, all right?" "I mean, I think I just need to sit down with the guy and have a direct conversation, just to make sure he doesn't ever do anything like this again." " That makes sense." " You think you two can handle watching the kids while I meet with Officer Maldack?" " Oh, they can handle it." " Calm down, Charles." " Ugh." " But yes, Terry, we can watch the kids." "Trust me." "There's nothing those little munchkins can throw at us that we can't handle." " Why was Daddy in trouble with the policeman?" " Uh... that's complicated." " Is it because he's black?" "Uh..." " What do we do?" " We can't call Terry." "We told him we could handle anything." "I've got it." "We just leave." "We go home." "Never speak of this." " No!" "We can't leave the children that are in our care." " Right." " Let me call Charles." "He's a parent." "He'll know what to do." " Smart." " Mm." "A parental crisis." "This is the good stuff right here." "You are knee-deep in the thick, rich broth of parenthood." " Well, that was a nightmare." "Who else can we call?" " I'm already ahead of you." " Calling Rosa." " Make 'em go to bed." " It's 6:30 p.m." "They're not tired." " Make." "Them." " Okay." "Hang up." " I'll call Gina." " Ugh." "Come on, Jake." "Just explain the deep-rooted institutionalized racism that remains pervasive in this country to this day." " Gina, they're children." " So put it in a song, Jake." "Watch this." "* Racism, racism" " I'm hanging up." " * Racism" " Gina, I'm hanging up." " * Racism, baby" " That's a great song." " I'm hanging up." "Okay." "So Gina was a bust as well." "Looks like we're out of options." "Unless." " No." " It's all we have." " Hey, Jakey." "Yeah, I'd love to chat, but I can't." "Hitchcock and I are eating cake for dinner and watching a movie." " Ask Amy if she wants to come over." " I'm hanging up." "Why're you smiling?" " That was useless." " Are you kidding me?" "Hitchcock and Scully just handed us a gem." " Who wants cake?" "Me!" " And who wants to watch "101 Dalmatians"" "and not ask any hard-to-answer questions about your father and race?" " Me!" "Me!" "Me!" " Nice." " Officer Maldack." " Thanks for coming." " Hey." "I'm really glad you set this up." "I'm so sorry for what happened." " Oh." "Wow." "I am really happy to hear that." "I was thinking this conversation was gonna go a lot differently." " No, no." " It was an honest mistake." "I mean, if I had known you were a cop," "I never would've treated you that way." " So you're sorry for not knowing I was a cop sooner?" " Yeah." " And that's it?" " Yeah." " But you shouldn't have treated me that way whether I was a cop or not." " What do you mean?" " I was just walking down the street." "There's nothing suspicious or illegal about that." " Okay, but you and I both know that you don't exactly look like you belong in that neighborhood." " I live there." " Look." "Nine out of ten times I get called to that neighborhood, it's about a guy that looks like you." " Were you responding to a call?" " No, but you're missing the point." " No, you're missing the point." "I just want you to admit you only stopped me because I'm black and to apologize and say you won't do it again!" " Hey, look." "We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you had your badge on you." "Next time, don't forget it." " Oh, so this is all my fault?" " I'm not apologizing for doing my job." " That's not the job, man." " Whoa." "I can't believe it went down like that." " Should we maybe revisit some of our earlier ideas vis-à-vis tires and slashing?" " I should've known there was no talking to a guy like that." "I don't see any other option." "I'm submitting an official complaint with Holt." " I know it might feel weird to report another officer, but it's the right move." " Holt's gonna eat him for breakfast." " Maldack has no idea what's about to hit him." " I'm not gonna submit this." " What?" "Why not?" " Because I think it's a mistake." " Hey, Sarge?" " Everything okay?" "Only ask 'cause you haven't moved in the last 58 minutes." " He doesn't want me to file the complaint." " Well, of course Officer Maldack doesn't want you to file the complaint." "He's the one being complained about." "I just realized you meant Captain Holt." " Yeah." " What?" "Did you mess up the grammar" " or something?" " Did you dangle a participle?" "Ugh, Terry, Holt hates a dangler." " Grammar was fine." "He said he thought filing it was a mistake." " Wow." "Well, look." "Captain Holt cares about you more than anything." "I'm sure he's got a good reason." "Maybe you should go talk to him about it, you know?" "Go to his house." " Yeah." "That's a good idea." " I'm gonna do that." " And while you're talking to him," "Jake and Amy can babysit your kids." "Unless they're too busy making babies of their own." " Shaka-daka-dow." " Get out of us." "But yes, we are happy to look after the kids again." " Thanks, guys." " I appreciate your support." "Now, I'm gonna go find out what the hell is going on with Captain Holt." " Are you two sure you should be babysitting?" "You seemed real freaked when you called me last night." " Yes, but then we figured out how to be good parents." "TV and cake." " TV and cake were my parents." " It's okay." " Sergeant Jeffords." " That's right." "It's me, Sergeant Jeffords, from the precinct." "I'm the guy whose damn complaint you don't want to submit, and I can't think of one damn reason why!" " Everyone." "This is Sergeant Jeffords." " Hi!" "I'm sorry for interrupting your dinner party." " No problem at all." " This is important." "Also, Kevin's friend Margo is here, and she's a real class-A drip." " Sir, I can't get why you don't want me to file the complaint." "I thought you of all people would support me." " First of all, let me say, what that officer did to you was wrong, deeply wrong, and I'm furious about it." " Okay." " So why don't you back me up?" " Because that complaint could backfire." "Cops who blow the whistle on other cops almost always face a backlash, just like people who socialize with Margo invariably hear about her trip to Scottsdale." " You're real worked up about Margo." " Sorry." "She's horrible." "Listen, I don't want to see your career derailed because you were besmirched for reporting on another officer." " But what he did was wrong." "He should be besmirched!" " Yes, but is that besmirching worth the greater besmirching of your career?" "You have to balance besmirchings." "There's politics to being a cop." " But I wasn't harassed for being a cop." "I was harassed as a black man." " I'm not saying do nothing." "I'm saying the most powerful action you can take is to rise through the ranks so that you can make large-scale changes." "I've had to pick my battles, and it hasn't always been easy, but now I have my own precinct, a precinct whose officers would never do to you what Officer Maldack did." " I understand what you're saying, but..." " Shh." "I hear Margo's squeaky shoes in the hallway." "One guess as to where in Arizona she brought them." "Scottsdale." " Oh." "Ray." " There you are." "I'm about to start my Scottsdale slideshow." "It has all the highlights." " There are no highlights in Scottsdale, Margo." " That's what you think, Raymond." " Okay, we got chocolate-chocolate, chocolate-vanilla, and my personal favorite, a bowl full of cake batter." " And loads o' movies." " Eh?" " We don't want to do that." " Uh, maybe you didn't hear us correctly." "We've got cake." "We've got movies." "It's time to party!" " Is being black bad?" " We're black." "Are we gonna get in trouble like Daddy?" " Jake, can I talk to you for a second?" " Yes, please." " We have a problem." " I know." "What kind of kids don't want to eat cake?" "Should we call Child Services on Terry?" " Jake, I think we have to face the music and talk to them for real." " I know." " You're right." "But I'm gonna munch the cake batter while we do it." "If you don't eat the raw egg fast, it makes you even more sick." " Never mind, let's go." " Okay." " Okay, girls." "There's something called prejudice, which comes from the Latin words "pre," or "before,"" "and "judicium," which means "to judge."" "Are you with me so far?" " No." " No." " Okay." "Um, you know how it's tougher in this world to be a woman?" "It is?" " No." "No, no, no." " That's not what I meant." " Then I don't want to be a woman." " Me neither." " You don't have to be if that's who you are..." "You know what?" "That's a whole other conversation." "Uh..." "Okay." "Here we go." "A cop did a bad thing and tried to get your daddy in trouble, but your daddy didn't do anything wrong." " Because Daddy's black?" " Yeah." " That's scary." " It is scary." "But that cop was wrong, and what he did was bad." " And the most important thing is your daddy's okay, and he's not in trouble, and he loves you both more than anything in the world." " Okay?" " Okay." " Yeah." "Okay." "Well, that wasn't so bad." "Well, if you guys have any other questions, we're here for you." " What's an orgasm?" " Come on!" " Terry, I know you're upset, but this is the right thing to do." "You're this close to the City Council position, and that's just the beginning." "It would be a shame to jeopardize that." " Look, I get that the guys in our precinct wouldn't profile me, but it still happened only one precinct over." " Which is why you need to keep pushing forward in your career, so that you can change the system." "Terry, you're a great cop." "You could become a chief or higher." " How long will it take to make change that way?" "Maldack is on the street now." "You know why I became a cop?" " Please share." " Because when I was a kid," "I always wanted to be a superhero." " Stop it!" " Stop bothering little Terry!" " Or what?" " Or I will defeat you!" "Whoa." " I wanted to help people like that cop helped me." "But right now," "I don't feel like a superhero." "I feel the opposite." "When I got stopped the other day," "I wasn't a cop." "I wasn't a guy who lived in a neighborhood looking for his daughter's toy." "I was a black man, a dangerous black man." "A threat." "And I couldn't stop thinking about my daughters." "And their future." "And how years from now, they could be walking down the street, looking for their kids' Moo Moo, and get stopped by a bad cop." "And they probably won't get to play the police card to get out of trouble." "I don't like that thought, and I'm gonna do something about it." "So I don't care if it might hurt my career." "I'm filing that report." "Even if I have to go over your head to do it." " Kind of seemed like you were gonna get up and leave after saying all that." " I was, but I think I hear Margo." " Thanks for babysitting last night." "The girls told me what you talked about, and it couldn't have been easy." " I'm sorry I told them orgasms was another word for oranges." "I panicked." " Yeah, it did make it awkward when they asked for orgasm juice this morning, but I was more talking about the other stuff." " Yeah." "We didn't really know what to say." "At one point, I'm pretty sure I sang all of En Vogue's "Free Your Mind."" " Well, they had fun, and you made 'em feel safe." "You did good." "Oh." "They made you a "thank you" card." " Aww." "Pretty sure my nose isn't quite this big, especially with all the racial sensitivity talk, but I appreciate the effort." " Sergeant Jeffords." "A moment of your time, please." "I came to a realization after you stormed out last night." " I wouldn't say I stormed out." "I shook hands with both you and Kevin before I left." " And Kevin and I agreed that you squeezed significantly tighter than necessary." " I guess I was a little worked up." " With good reason." "I thought a lot about our conversation." "When I was a young police officer and things like this would happen to me," "I felt very alone." "I wanted to call out every bad cop I encountered, and there were a lot, but as a black gay man," "I never had a superior who was on my side, so the advice I offered you, that came from a different place at a different time." "I put all my energy towards rising to a rank where I could make a difference." "Well, I'm there now, and I realize that if I don't back you up on this," "I would be betraying the very thing that I worked so hard for, so I filed the complaint." " I appreciate that, Captain." " Are you still upset?" " No." "Not at all." " You should consider modifying your handshake." "It's sending the wrong message." " Copy that." " Whew." "I am so glad we don't have to do any more babysitting for a while." " I know." " It was so stressful." " So stressful." "But, like, actually kind of rewarding too." " Shaping young minds like that felt so powerful." " Yeah." " But, like, so exhausting." " Oh, yeah." "Can you imagine doing that every night?" "Forget it." "But also, their little shoes are so cute." "They're like little circles." " I know, and everything they hold looks so big because their hands are so tiny." " Yeah, and they have to hold a cup of water with both hands" " 'cause they're so weak." " I know!" " Whoo-whee!" "That's what I'm talking about!" " Boyle." " Lucky for you," "Amy, I am an unlicensed doula." "I've delivered three of my cousins and one of my uncles..." "Long story." " Go away!" " Yes, Papa." " Please close the blinds." "We're about to violate several departmental regulations." " Ho, ho!" " All right!" " It's been a very long week, and as of right now, we're both off duty." "I think we've earned a drink." " I can get behind that." " I heard from City Council about the liaison position." " Is that right?" " You didn't get it." " Oh." "Oh, this is a sad drink." "Was it the complaint?" " We'll never know for sure, but, uh, I think it's likely." "However, this is not a sad drink." "We're celebrating to doing the right thing." " I don't know." "Maybe we shouldn't have filed the complaint." "Maybe I could've done more if I had gotten the liaison job." " Maybe." "But one thing's for certain." "Maldack will think twice before making another bad stop like that again." "That's a win." " Yeah." "It's tough." " It is." "So if Sharon's still out of town, who's, uh, looking out for Cagney and Lacey?" " Not a doctor." " Shh."