"Very good, very good." " Feeling fit, aren't you?" " No." "I've backaches, headaches, tachycardia..." " Blurred vision..." " Timor Milis Extremis..." "Fear of military service." "Will heal all by itself." "Are there cases of heart, liver and kidney disease in your family?" "Or tuberculosis?" "A bit of everything." "Then you've got strong genes." "Sexually transmitted diseases?" "Chlamydia?" "Genital herpes?" "Alternately." "A lively sex life is good for a young man." "Cough once, please." "You think I'm fit for military service?" "I've heard so many exciting stories about it." "I'm so looking forward to it!" "All this camaraderie and... intimacy." "In the dorm, the shower, the tent..." "Some of my friends lost their virginity in military training school." " I'm wondering..." " That's enough." "UNFIT FOR MILITARY SERVICE" "No!" "Oh, man!" "Baby!" "Did the Viagra work?" " Can't you feel it?" " Oh... wow!" "READY, STEADY, CHARLIE ll" "FIVE YEARS LATER" "Relax..." "breathe in through your nose..." "Let's focus." "The energy moves to the front." "Something for the heart chakra." "Thanks!" "Thank you!" " Hello." " Hello." "How was the apartment?" "What apartment?" "Didn't you check it out?" " I texted you earlier." " Sorry." "I clean forgot about it." "I had to replace Johnny..." "Hello you two." " Hello?" " I have to check the plumbing." " We're only leaving in a month!" " I don't care." "Nothing - again." "Only 2-bedroom apartments for a fortune." "We should have started looking sooner!" "You mean lshould have." "I work at the hospital every day," "I am heavily pregnant..." "I'm not Mr. Miracle Man." "Good apartments are snapped up like hotcakes." "I'm sorry." "I'm a nervous wreck." "You know what?" "I got one more idea." " It's empty?" " Has been for a long time." "Why?" "ls the owner dead?" " It belongs to my father." " What?" "Lieutenant Colonel Reiker, are you going to war?" "Brigadier Breitinger is going to war against his own army." "No!" "I'm in charge of the army's budget cuts." "Start with your luxury car!" "That's not on my list." "Looking at the new threat situation, one could conclude that another battalion has to be dissolved this year." " Not mine, surely!" " Why not?" " Requesting permission to pass." " Forget it." " Out of my way." " Driver, march!" "Out of my way, Reiker!" "I'm expected in the capital." "Wrong direction!" "Bern is that way..." " You really are an idiot..." " The GPS..." "Goddammit!" ""New threat"." "Weiss, d'you know what the moron means?" "When menu 2 is no longer available at the cafeteria." "We're not giving Breitinger any reason to get rid of our battalion." "Not the slightest... not the tiniest." "No soldier swiping chocolate, no boots lying around, no dust on any rifle barrel." "This will be the most perfect army refresher course ever." "Yes, sir!" "Lieutenant Colonel Reiker's office." "Sgt. Weiss speaking." "It's... a woman..." "I don't know any women." "Listen, Mrs..." "Yes..." "I see..." "Just a second..." "Her name is Anna." "Anna, I think he's here." "Hello." "Hello, Anna." "You're looking really..." "Pl'egnant?" "Brought me old camouflage twigs?" "Please come in." "This is Alex." "Mr. Reiker..." "pleased to meet you." "Call each other by your first names!" " Alex." " Reiker." " Alex has cooked for us." " Really...?" "I got the dessert." "We're searching like mad." " But either there are only hovels..." " Or they're far too expensive." "You've got to change strategy." "You're both working?" "Alex teaches Yoga." "Part-time." "What's he doing for a living?" "It's a super Yoga studio." "He teaches..." ""Fit and Pregnant 1"." "Watch out, that's wasabi!" "And what army rank has he got?" "I'm unfit for military service." "Looking healthy enough to me." "I'm a pacifist." "A pacifist...?" "So am I. The greatest pacifist there is." "Unfortunately those who are threatening our country aren't." "Dad, are you ok?" "We have to leave this place in a month." "You wouldn't have a little tip?" "Yes, "Riethalde"." "What, your house?" "I won't need it before retiring." "A long way aW8Y" "That would be great...!" "Under one condition:" "Your Yogi Bear comes with me to the army." "What?" "My house in exchange for army service." "I know nothing about the army." "No problem!" "I'm your lieutenant colonel." "The army refresher starts on Monday." "We'll be hanging around distributing cookies to the kids." " Not with my father." " Or we'll crawl through the mud." "Why did we agree to this?" "It was your idea." "How was Ito know that my father would come up with such crazy ideas?" "What if the baby arrives before term?" "It'll be alright." "Anna, I'm missing us already." "I'm missing us." " You didn't get a haircut!" " Mom, stop it." "Embarrassing!" "I don't care." "If your mom tells you not to choke your brother with a plastic bag, you don't choke him with a plastic bag!" "Pass me mom." "I'll call you." " Name?" " Stijssi, Alex." " Size?" " M." "Belt... flask..." "When you want to go out..." " Stijssi, done!" " Thanks." "Next!" "Stijssi... is going to war." "At ease!" "I'm welcoming you to the three most beautiful weeks of the year." "Where a man may still be a man, and a woman may also be a man." "There are some elements in this country who think the army should be abolished." "Far from it!" "The threats have become asymmetrical." "But there are still many." "Key word:" "army reform." "Key word: cost-cutting measures." "A soldier remains fearless in the face of these two threats." "Battalion!" "Attention!" "Battalion!" "At ease!" "Qff YOu go!" "Private Stijssi is a newcomer." "Turn him into a proud soldier." "Group Weiss!" "Attention!" "Standing at attention you squeeze your ass that even the bugs feel cramped." "Gentlemen, I give people hell when I'm on duty." " And I'm always on duty." " I laugh only once in a refresher." "You'll hear me laugh just once in the next three weeks." "Step forward one by one and announce yourselves." "Today!" "Chevalier, Cédric." " New." " Mummenthaher .3030..." "Sergeant!" "Von Wattenwyl, Gabriel." " Is the therapy kicking in?" " I'm working on it." "Starting to look like a bacteria yourself." " Hey!" "Announce yourself!" " Same as last year." "Bértschi, Tschijge..." "Jijrg." "Sergeant, Rijegsegger, J.P." "Hello..." "Stijssi, Alex." "Alexander." "Got a surprise for you." "Your bike." "With three gears!" "Cycle, push, carry." "Away!" "Got something prepared for you." "Faster!" "Lower your ass." "Lower, lower...!" "Make a furrow with your nose and close it with your balls." "Come on!" "Faster!" "Faster!" "Already here?" "Come here!" "Get yourself into the mud bath." "It's wellness day today." "Today!" "Wake up!" "Rijegsegger, dead!" "Chevalier, dead!" "Mummenthaler, dead!" "Stiles"!" "Stijssi, dead!" "Bértschi, dead anyway!" "Dead!" "All dead!" "You shoot escaping people in the leg bones only." "This includes the coral bone, the coccyx and the pubic bone." "Stiles" Are you dumb'?" "Stop firing!" "Remove hearing protection!" "Can you see all the way to the front of the rifle?" "In that case, take out the frog hair brush to clean the scope." "What's that look?" "Are you in love?" "Sorry... can't find it." "Can't find no frog hair brush?" "You know why?" "Because frogs have no hair!" "Where did you do your army training?" "Now fire!" "Hearing protection on!" "Stijssi, are you totally nuts?" " No automatic rifle firing!" " Sorry!" " Hey... hey...!" " Bértschi, shut your face!" "Dinner's served, I think." "Stijssi, clean this place!" "Is this seat taken?" "Oh, the spree killer!" "Tastes like mad cow disease!" "Might as well eat dry bread." "This is not edible." "Waiter!" "There is a soup in my hair!" "I want my money back!" "No waiter here." " You were saying...?" " Nothing." "Nothing?" "Where's the problem?" " Nowhere." " "Nowhere"?" "Do you have any pepper?" " Just say stop." " Stop." "Is that hot enough?" "Enjoy your meal." "Anybody else want some pepper?" "Did you see how she hit on me?" "Ladies, having fun?" " Coffee?" "Espresso?" " Yes, please." "Private Stijssi has just volunteered to sweep the courtyard." " Thank you for this offer." " I only wanted..." "Who is speaking?" "Sergeant, Private Stijssi." "And has he...?" " Yes, sir!" " Good." "For all the others:" "2 hours' leave." "At 22:00, all moles are back in their holes." "Continue eating." "Look here, guys." "I had it specially made for this army refresher." " What is it?" " An otoko." "A Japanese symbol for virility." "It's also a symbol for gays." "Are you nuts?" " So they recognize each other." " Bullshit!" "Take that back or I'll have you eat your disinfectant." " I saw it on TV." " No, you didn't!" "It's not my fault!" "Bértschi, during this refresher, you'll get it over and done with." "You should..." "instead of always..." " Gentlemen, banana split." " Thank you." "Yes, soldier." "There's a war on." "And the enemy is over there." "No... no...!" " Off you go." " Bértschi, Bértschi, Bértschi..." "So pretty and all alone?" "Maybe you can give us some ideas what to do?" "Did you say something?" "Flabby!" "Calm down!" "Did you call my mate "flabby"?" "Oh, the seven dwarves are here too!" "I would just back out." "Or I'll tie a knot into your cigarillo." "You should be happy to be picked up at all!" "A fight with women!" "Never seen anything like it throughout my career!" "You stop that behaviour at once!" " Yes, sir." " Dismiss!" "Private Stijssi, one moment!" "Do you know who this is?" "A plastic figure standing on a tank?" "Charles the Bold!" "At Grandson his hat, at Murten his castle and at Nancy...?" "What's the most important thing a man can lose?" " The family?" " The blood." "At Nancy his blood." "My battalion is my blood!" "What happens if my battalion is dissolved because of your pals' discipline issues?" "What if...?" "What happens to your..." "He is discharged." "And if he is discharged, who will need his house?" "A soldier grows with his tasks, Stijssi." "You may leave." " Today was a nice day." " Today was a nice day." " I had lots of fun." " I had lots of fun." " I'm looking forward to tomorrow." " I'm looking forward to tomorrow." " Thank you, Swiss army." " Thank you, Swiss army." " That's fine." " That's fine." " Shut up!" " Shut up!" "...but they're only inundating the bathroom...?" "I know you're at your wits' end..." "Speak to you soon." "Wow...!" "An itch in my pants." "Here's what we got to do." "I'm organizing a bet." "The first guy to get a nude picture of the cook." "Yes, a nude picture." "And the stake is 100 Swiss francs." "Great!" " Your stake?" " Hey, man." "That's going to cause more trouble." " Got only sex on your mind?" " Exactly!" "The guy who screws her gets double." "You're dead!" "Shit, my phone!" "I got the lady's G-string." "I can smell her honey." "Get a whiff!" "J.P.!" "You need to aim at that." "If need be, I'll hit your prick from 100 yards." " Yes, because it's so big." " Sure." "PUSSY, PUSSY" "Has anyone ever told you what a sourpuss you are?" "Jojo, give it to me." "I've just made my bed!" "Give it to me!" " What's this mess?" " Room 110!" "Chevalier, got trouble shaving?" "Stiles"!" "What's that on your head?" " A G-string." " Give it to me." "Come on!" "Where did you get that?" "Found it in the hall." "If you think you can just arse around here for three weeks," "I'll rip your ass open so wide that a plane can make a test flight inside!" " All I..." " Silence!" "Private Stiissi, kitchen duty instead of evening leave!" "Room 110!" "Checkout!" "Room 110 checking out!" "Thank you." "...looks at me saying "ular"!" "This means snake in Indonesian." "You have to know which snake to inject the counter-poison you have to decide instantly..." "So I decided to inject all 27 counter-poisons at once." "The boy survived!" " How are we today, Mr. Kijnzli?" " My name's not Kijnzli." " It's Moser!" " Alex?" " How are you?" " I'm at work." " It's the same every day." " But how is it?" " So so..." " Are they wearing you out?" "No, not yet..." " You sound exhausted." " Anna...?" " Yes, René?" " I need Mr M6sli's hemogram." "Got to go." "Chin up!" "I love you." "I love you too." "Is the baby ok?" "You mix it up well." "What's it going to be?" "Minced balls." "I'm Alex." " Jessica." " Are you angry?" "No!" "I'm feeling just great!" "You hate my food, you spy on me in the shower..." " I'm sorry, it wasn't me..." " No, of course not." "You're a real gentleman, you love my food." "You didn't bet on who was the first one to get horizontal with me, or to photograph me naked." "You're not the first ones." "Why is everybody always getting at me?" "All I want is survive this stupid army refresher." "I didn't participate in the bet." "I'm just feeling bad!" "I was in Libya guarding the Swiss embassy." "Why are you no longer there?" "Because of my dumb lieutenant." "He thought it was just great to feel me up." " So I had to give him a beating." " Ok!" "He wrote in his report that I had it off with everyone." "Not easy for a woman in this club..." "Tell me about it." "And now I have to cook for the babies of the " lnfantilery"." "But not much longer." "If all goes well, I'll soon be back where the action is." "Got to go." "Got something to do." "And you..." "have been lucky..." "What...?" "Group Weiss, stand in!" "Your feet only touch the ground when you change direction." "An inspection!" "Pull your socks up!" "Let's be an honor to the battalion." " Got it!" "?" " Yes, sir!" " Good morning!" " Morning!" "This is an inspection!" "Yes, sir." "Readjust." "Not your cocks...!" "What about your troops' discipline and full alert?" "Discipline and full alert at 100%." " You sure?" " Yes." "Goddamn it!" "Wash, don't scratch!" "What on earth...!" "?" "Medical service!" "What are your idiots doing?" "What are our idiots doing?" "Lieutenant Colonel, Sergeant Weiss." "We have a situation." "The situation we have is a situation..." "It's a situation..." "We're just... exercising." "Exercising?" "This looks more like a catastrophe." "Let me explain." "Threats have become asymmetrical..." "Asymmetrical, good." "And...?" "They increasingly concern the civilian population." "This is why we're exercising the evacuation..." "Of people who are incontinent?" "Of a birthing department..." "Birthing department?" "!" "Okay, And...?" "Those over there are having contractions." " The babies are due every instant." " What about that man?" "This is where fathers-to-be are taken care of." "Oh, I see." "It was very hard for us when Kevin was born!" "The birth of Xaver, our second son, was smooth sailing." "Caesarean section and out he came." "A great boy." "Congratulations." "Very good!" "Soldier!" "Continue!" "I have a chili seed under my foreskin!" "I thought my cock was on fire!" "What a stupid idea, our bet!" "Far too dangerous!" "Jessica got the hots for me!" "You silly prick!" "Soldiers!" "What do you see?" "A fish?" "That's right, von Wattenwyl." "Keen perception!" "A totally normal, stinky fish." "Stupid, fat, lazy, degenerate." "Just like you." "And what's that?" " Another fish?" " Wrong, Chevalier." "This is Helga." "A Siamese fighting fish." "For once a female who can teach you something." "The stinky fish has fallen inside." "What's happening now?" "This: it's kicking the bucket!" "You embarrassed me in front of the brigadier." "Socket fecundators!" "You're a disgrace to the entire army." "We're going to make reasonably decent soldiers out of you." "Sissies, that's what you are!" "Watch!" "Now it's your turn." "Hardening exercise!" "You nuts or what?" "Chevalier, no longer a sausage, but a cock made of steel!" "Impossible!" " Certainly not!" " Down with your pants!" "That's an order." "You take it back at once!" "Want to be put under arrest?" "Want to eat your rifle?" "Calm down!" " What if there's another inspection?" " Oh, our nerd." "Poking his nose in!" "Why were you spared?" " Did you butter her up?" " No!" "Weiss, Stijssi!" "Are you Catholics?" "Group Weiss, here!" "Damn morons!" "Now off to our beach party!" "At least Jesus had the cross to himself." " All your fault." " Shift the center of gravity!" "It was so nice before you came." "The inferiors got it in the neck from the superiors." "It was so nice!" "Stijssi, we've come undone." "Stijssi, come on!" " Left, right!" " Turn left, left!" "Weiss?" "Weiss!" "Shame on you!" "You're a disgrace to the army!" "Desertion and violence towards a NCO and a comrade!" "That's the last straw!" "Private Stijssi, what are you doing?" "Is it not obvious?" "I'm leaving." "I've had it." "You see what your troops' morale is doing?" "You should be put under arrest!" "Yes, all under arrest!" "Great for the troops' morale." "What's that supposed to mean?" "I asked what you meant by that?" "It means that you're all nuts." "All of you." "To begin with, your sergeant is an irresponsible lunatic..." "He only tried to maintain discipline." "And discipline..." "Is putting chili sauce into one's pants?" "You're no better, damn it!" "No wonder you're treated like that." "You take turns in wearing each other out." "So the battalion will be dissolved." "Strange that it didn't happen sooner." "You take care." "Stijssi..." " Stop." " What's it now?" "This was really... a very impressive speech, Alex." "And you're quite right." "We have to stop fighting each other and learn to develop more team spirit." "Because Sergeant Weiss isn't available, you're taking over his group." "Got it?" "You analyze problems well, and have psychological insight." "The man I need." "No!" "I'm leaving." "I think it's a good idea." "Alex is right." "Our behavior was out of line." "You can't be serious." "We're sorry." " Rather you than Weiss." " Yes..." "Your comrades are for it too." "We'll wipe the floor with them." "Why have you been monkeying around since your arrival?" "Difficult to stay motivated with such crap food." " Yes." " Exactly." "Then do something about it!" "Private Bértschi, You'll help in the kitchen from now on." "Do it!" "It's quite simple." "Put marinade on the inside and the outside, let it soak overnight, and then in the oven..." " Great advice!" " Yes." " Help me a bit, will you?" " Sure." "Let's rub it in good and proper." " Right." "Doing well." " Thanks." "And now the inside." "Stop gaping!" "Manage on your own?" "Hello, my name's Jijrg." "And yours?" "Anyone ever told you you got a pretty ass?" "Hello?" "Everything 0k?" "I can't hear you." "Bad reception on the hill." "Hill...?" "René has already moved the most important furniture." " What?" " He has also changed the mattress." "Our bed is too soft for my current weight." " That's why I have a backache." " The chest of drawers?" " Into the bedroom." " Ok." "Is he moving in with you or what?" "Are you nuts?" "I can't do it on my own!" "You're not on your own!" "I'm here!" "No, you're there!" " But not by choice!" " I know." "But it's not easy, four weeks before the baby..." "It isn't easy for me either!" "Can we argue some other time?" "I'm exhausted." "Let's phone later." " Yes, sure." " Ok." "Bye..." "Why are you looking so sad?" "Trouble at home." " Home is always trouble." " With your girl?" "Yes, with everything." "My girlfriend is pregnant." "What?" "You're expecting?" "You don't know what you're doing." "Children are hell!" "Your life... they wreck it!" "I'd like to have a family too." "But that's not possible." "Too scared of..." "The dust, the bacteria..." "I fell in love exactly once." "When I was 12." "Her name was Jasmin." "Then I was transferred to another home." "I'm going all sentimental..." "Hello?" "Alex?" "Can't you talk because of the others?" "I'll do the talking." "Just say yes by tapping on the phone." "It's really strange." "I'm sitting here in Dad's house, whom I don't know at all." "I hope he's treating you well?" "So he isn't so pig-headed and stubborn after all?" "He has missed so much in my life." "All I had of him was military chocolate." "I always kept a piece for him." "Because I thought he'd be hungry coming home from war." "I think he realizes how alone he is." "This is why he took you there." "It's his twisted way of keeping in contact with us." "We are all he's got." "Good night, Dad." "Bértschi, still working away?" "Private Bértschi!" "Got the bird flu?" "To hell with the others!" "I just want to go home." "I miss my mom." "Do you also think that there is only one woman for each man?" "Yes." "Probably." "If only I met her...!" "You will." "One day." "That's enough now, guys!" "Grab a tarpaulin, each one of you!" "Let's gather in a semicircle." "Put your legs parallel." "Put your arms in front of your chest." "Breathe in through the nose." "Breathe out." "Breathe in." "And out." "In..." "And out." "Let your breath flow." "Don't force anything, don't suppress anything." "We rise our upper body..." "Tense every little muscle..." "Breitinger." "Goddamn it!" "You shut your mouth!" " Stretch your limbs gently." " Lieutenant Colonel!" "Morning!" "What are your men doing?" "Perineal floor exercises?" "Army reform 15." "Flexibility." "Movement." "Relaxation, concentration, inner peace..." "Very good, Reiker." " Your troops are dynamic." " It's always been that way..." "In that case:" ""Operation Edelweiss"!" " What?" "!" " Yes." " Damn!" "You can't..." " Don't touch me!" "I just did." "And I can." "What's that look?" "It's your chance." "You can send your best company." "If you succeed, you keep your battalion." "If not," "I'll get rid of you." " You're a real..." " Don't back out." "Your enemy could smell your cold sweat." "Continue!" ""Operation Edelweiss", of all things." "Breitinger, you devious rotten bastard." "Asshole!" "So... "Operation Edelweiss"!" "A counterterrorism exercise." "Not some exercise, but apparently the most difficult." "No company has succeeded for ten years." "So we have no chance." "Battalion, attention!" "The survival of this battalion will depend on each one of you." "Now you can prove what you fusiliers are capable of." "We have no chance, so we must seize it." "We're the best, we'll make it!" "Bértschi, you heck of a guy!" "What's that severe look?" "Can't I enjoy myself for once?" "Caramba!" "Hey, Jessica..." "Delicious...!" "René speaking." " Hello?" " Hello?" "This is Alex calling." "Anna is resting." "Can you wake her up, please?" "No, she has to rest." "Extremely important in her state." "I'm not saying it as a doctor, but as a friend." "Your being away for so long is not good for her." "I'm not doing it on purpose!" "It might be seen that way." "What's that supposed to mean?" "You're away just now that your child is about to be born." "I'm only doing this shit to get the house." "Maybe, yes." "What do you mean, "maybe"?" "!" "I delivered many babies in Indonesia." "Sometimes the fathers just disappeared too." "Fear." "Are you out of your mind?" "Are you still the right man for Anna?" "Think about it." "Hey...!" "What's going on?" "Private Stijssi, with this solemn ceremony you will be admitted to our circle, the band of brothers of the Weiss Group!" "All for a soldier a soldier for all!" "From now on, you're one of us." "Subject to passing the test of courage!" "What test of courage?" "Give me Helga back, you swine!" "Helga, you've got pretty eyes..." "What's up?" " Damn cost-cutting measures." " What's going on?" "Out of gas." "Five yards." "Four yards, three yards...!" "Two yards, one yard." "And... stop!" "Almost full." " I'll pay for everything." " Supercard?" "No." "But where can we take a little wellness break at this hour?" "I'm the boss of the house!" "Cheers!" "What does that mean?" "That's a tattoo." " Cool." " You think so?" " Beautiful soldier..." " I am who I am." "Don't push me..." "You prefer to talk?" "I used to know what I wanted." "Suddenly everything has become so complicated." "Avalanches falling in on me from all sides." "Where is the fish?" "Hold it!" " J.P., what are you doing?" " Keep it still." "Are you out of your mind?" "I said I could hit your prick from 100 yards." "Even a fish wants to give me a blowjob." "Jessi?" "Stijssi." "Did you have fun?" "What's up?" "Nothing." "My appeal was rejected." "I'm stuck here forever!" "I'm sorry." "Maybe better that way." "Better?" "Maybe you would have walked on a mine in Libya." "I'd prefer walking on a mine than wasting away in this place." "I said that to comfort you." "You know what?" "I'd really like to be comforted all over right now." "Shit!" "jessi"" " I can't." " Why not?" "Because..." "Because of Anna, my girlfriend." "And that's occurred to you only now?" "I'm a little pissed..." "Get the hell out!" "Out!" "Right now!" "Jess"" "Feel the energy pulsating in your base chakra." "Hey, Alex." "Got something for your base chakra." "Are you nuts?" "To send me a photo of you and another bitch?" " I know nothing about it." " Sure you don't" "And I have a guilty conscience because Rene is moving our stuff!" "You were supposed to do an army refresher, not screw!" " I didn't!" " And what's that?" " Shit!" " The bastard!" "Wicked guy!" "Give me my mobile!" "I'm doing all this for our home!" "I don't want to share no home with you!" "I'd much rather sleep under a bridge." "Stay here!" "Go and do close combat with your new lay!" "Anna!" "Tin soldiers!" "At least you've won the Jessi-jackpot!" "You participated in this bet?" "!" " No!" " Of course not." "You've won the jackpot!" " No..." " Another bonus for you!" "Soldier, hold this!" "What am I supposed to do?" "!" " I've got to see Anna." " Today of all days?" "With "Operation Edelweiss" on the program?" "I've got to make it up to her." " Before it's too late." " I know." "I understand." "It's your decision." "Your commander can't help you." "I've got to go." "Come on, get on with it!" "Faster!" "We're no old maids on a hike!" "Where's Alex?" "Who needs a traitor like him?" "Drive off!" "Reiker, now for the real thing." "I got another surprise for you." "You see these balls?" "For movement and flexibility." " Thanks for stopping." " Not at all." "Where to, soldier?" " Home." " That's specific." "Get in." "Gentlemen and officers." "Dear..." "lady." "Welcome to "Operation Edelweiss"." "A group of terrorists from the fictitious state of Burbezia have entrenched behind this building representing the Federal building." "They have taken the Federal Councilors hostage." "They are threatening to blow up ...the Federal building." "The dirty bastards!" "The first part of the mission:" "invade the building!" "Second:" "free the Federal Councilors!" "How many are there?" " Ammann, Sommaruga..." "Berset." " Silence!" "This is no crossword puzzle." "Third:" "defuse the bomb!" "Enjoyed your army refresher?" "Yes... it was 0k." " And the camaraderie and intimacy?" " Pardon?" "Dorm, shower, tent..." "Lieutenant Colonel Reiker's soldiers have exactly 30 minutes to fulfil this mission." "If the bomb is not defused by then, it'll explode." "Countdown!" "You don't tell me what's going to happen!" "Nothing will happen when you open your trap." "Ok, countdown!" "Soldiers, caramba!" "Don't touch me!" "Caramba!" "Let's get to it, guys!" "No one shoots without my permission." "I'm wondering about..." "Why I'm no longer unfit?" "Exactly, soldier." "It started with my girlfriend and me looking for..." "...an apartment." " Girlfriend?" "A complicated love life!" "It's a complicated story." "One." "And another one." "And another." "And another." "The others have to do the exercise without me." "I think they won't manage." "But..." "But?" "Shit." " Can we turn back?" " Don't you need to get home?" "Reiker, start thinking about opening a graveyard." "Frontal attack on the building They're amateurs!" "Could we just turn back, please?" "Without any comments?" "Attack!" "Now!" "What are you doing here?" "No civilians allowed!" " I'm looking for Chevalier." " What?" "Cédﬂc!" " Here you are!" " What are you doing here?" "I tried to phone you hundreds of times." " My phone's broken." " You know what?" "I've had it." "You're having fun, leaving me to it!" "You've got to take over!" "Chevalier, how's the family?" "We've got to attack." "Impossible now!" "This is a large-scale operation!" "They can participate!" "That will excite them!" "You do whatever daddy tells you." "I'll come and get you later." "Give that back!" "Sophie, where are you going?" "Shoe shopping!" "I've got to!" "I'm having a burnout!" "We missed the wave of attack." "What's up?" "I said caramba!" "Attack!" "Everyone!" "We'll be shot like rabbits." "Want to be put under arrest?" "Want to be crucified again?" "Stop, guys, SIOP!" "Alex." "Watch out!" "You're back?" "Guys, now we stick together!" "We're a team!" "What about saving your relationship?" "I'll do that later." "Stijssi, this is no Yoga class." "We don't need you." "Yes, we need him." "We have a tiny chance with Alex." " Daddy, got to go to the loo!" " Me too!" "You can't do that now." "Hello, we need to pee." "Scram!" "This is a military exercise!" "We need to pee!" " Listen, fatty..." " Fatty?" "Have you just called him "fatty"?" "I'll blow you away!" "J.P., don't!" "He called him "fatty"." " Wait here until I come back." " We need to pee!" "Stijssi..." "I think I've been hit." "Before I leave, I've got to tell you something." "I sent the photos to Anna." "That was not so nice of me." "Sorry!" "It's alright, Weiss." "Now we are even." "Helga's on my conscience." "Alex, got to move on." "You've got to take over." "I'm checking out." "Alex, Alex!" "Bértschi, shut up!" "Weiss, you're dead!" "We should really move on." "Geronimo!" "Shit, I'm dead!" "Got one!" "Got one..." "Bértschi, heck of a guy!" "The Federal Councilors are here." "I hope they won't scare the old-age pensioner volunteers with their random shots." "A few more cookies." "Somehow I'm fed up with the army." "Just because you keep losing." "We'll get new planes soon." "That'll change the picture." " You're dead, darling." " Yes!" "Well done, little black sheep." "Find the bomb!" "I wouldn't be so happy." "The most difficult is yet to come." " We're dividing up." "Béirtschi!" " Here!" "You look after the Federal Councilors." "The others..." "Search everything!" "We're the world's best army!" "Don't, Cédric!" " Where did you do your training?" " I thought it was a black mask." "Sure." "No!" " They won't manage on their own." " Another three minutes..." "Requesting to leave!" "Don't be scared." "Alex and the others will save you." "You think so?" "You'll lose again anyway." ""Again"?" "Like every year." "How often would we have been blown up because no one finds the bomb?" "Where is the bomb?" "Stijssi, not again!" "Can I help you?" "We've got to find the bomb!" " Have you got it?" " No!" "What about you?" "We won't manage!" "Soon all Federal Councilors will be blown up with the nurse." "Shit!" "Hold on!" "The Federal Councilors have a nurse?" "!" "I'd better lock it, in case there are more terrorists." "Yes, good idea." "Two minutes...!" "Goddamn it!" " What's this sign mean?" " Nothing... "soldier"." "How long have you been a soldier?" "For a while..." "I don't know..." " Is it fun?" " Yes and no..." "What's up?" "Something wrong?" "What's up?" "Mission completed." "We've done it!" "Yes, thank you!" "Don't touch me!" "No touching!" "Look who's a hot soldier now!" "Guys, I've got to go and see Anna." "Where's the next train station?" "Jojo!" "You told me three weeks ago you'd call!" "Sandra, I was fighting in a war." "But I only thought of you." " You like children?" " Yes!" "Sorry, I've got to do this on my own." " We'll help you." " No." "I know what he means." "All the best...!" "Heck of a guy." "Good luck!" "Be seeing you." "We had a great time." "Don't take anything from her." "You'll do it!" "See you next year." "Hey, Stijssi..." "Caramba." " What now?" " How about some wellnessing?" "I'll sit up front." "I think it's better this way for both of you." "I lived with a tribe in Congo, where it isn't necessarily the father who raises the kid with the mother, but a member..." "Member sounds totally stupid." "Someone with a member to stand up to such a huge task." "Anna!" " Alex?" " I'll deal with it." " You're not wanted." " None of your business." "I'm trying to help Anna cope with your behavior." "Seen from a therapeutic viewpoint..." "This is my therapeutic viewpoint." "Are you nuts?" "What?" "!" "Anna, I'm bleeding." " You ok?" " Just get lost!" " Oh..." "I see...!" " René..." "Anna." "Anna!" "You are right." "I was really unfaithful." "But not to you, to me." "I did everything for our little family to have a home." "And I want to continue to do so." "But I can't do it if you don't trust me." " You and this other woman..." " Yes..." "I almost fell in love with another woman." "But I want you." "And I still do." "And you say so only now?" "I wanted to help your father to save his troops." "Are you a kind of hero now?" "Kind of." "Where are all the others?" " Private Draga." " Present." "The commander informs you that your commitment in "Edelweiss"" " ...was totally selfless." " Thank you." " You have been promoted sergeant." " Sergeant?" "!" "Ok, and something else." "I have..." "I have..." "I suppose..." "Missed that one." " Ok, then it's... done." " Thank you!" "You may now coax, command..." "Walk me off, execute...!" "Ok, I'm taking my leave." "101 DAYS LATER" "Our first trip without the baby!" "I thought I was your baby?" "Oh, what's happening up front?" "Another Viagra?" "No, that's completely natural. it is this way and has always been this way." "At Grandson his hat, at Murten his courage and at Nancy..." "At Nancy...?" "What's the most important thing a man may lose in his life?" "The dummy, that's right." "Look, here's your dummy." "Don't want your dummy?" "No dummy?" "Are you like your dad?" "A little conscientious objector?" "A hat, a cane, an umbrella..." "One step, two steps..." "Off we go..." "Out of the way, I'm expected in the capital!" "Well, then..." "Where's he going?" "Soldiers, caramba!" "You're under arrest!" "Let's do that again." "Specially for you at home." "For Christ's sake!" "Took off my hat too soon!" "Sorry!" "I hardly used your phone to make calls." "Only twice." "To my brother, in New Zealand."