"[Chanting] How-a, how-a, hi." "[Continues]" "[Chanting Hebrew Song]" "*Hineh ma tovu manayim *" "*Shevet nachim gam yachad *" "It's a good day to die." "And what better way than to die with my children beside me... my son Dark Horse... my beautiful daughter Fire Bush... and last but not least, my adopted son, Notch Johnson." "Please, tribal father." "Call me by my Indian name." "OK, Little Worm." "Thanks, Dad." "We Kahonees have lived on this land for centuries." "From the mountains to the valleys... to the ocean..." "white with foam." "Dark Horse." "You are to be chief." "You must never allow outsiders to take over our land." "Don't worry, Pop." "I'll take care of everything." "Like you always said:" "The buckskin stops here." "Father is right." "We must be content with what we have:" "Protecting our lands, making our blankets." "And selling medicinal tobacco to people with glaucoma." "I said I'd take care of it, Notch." "Good." "I feel safe now... knowing the dirt I am about to eat... will always be ours." "[Deep Sigh]" "[Women Chant]" "[Sobbing]" "Well, Mr. Wynne, he's gone." "Jeez, that took long enough." "Hey... he's my father." "And a great chief." "Now when does the tribe get our money?" "As soon as we break ground for the new casino." "What about the mayor of Malibu Adjacent?" "We may own the land, but only she can give us the permits." "Don't worry about the mayor." "J.P. Wynne has got her right where I want her." "[Sobbing]" "[Women Chanting]" "Tonight's episode..." "On tonight's Son of the Beach, the part of Notch Johnson will be played by Vivian Vance." "Hey, I see the fuzz!" "But I just got a bikini wax!" "No, B.J. It's Lika." "What's up, Lika?" "Hi!" "So, Lika, what's Malibu Adjacent's finest doing at the beach?" "Oh, nothing... except..." "I'm getting married next week!" "[Together] Aah!" "Yo, we have got to plan a bachelorette party and get down with our bad selves!" "Yeah." "Let's get way rowdy." "And then, Kimberlee, we'll see you at the wedding." "Wait." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Come on, Kimberlee." "When 'Maica and I throw a bachelorette party, it's gonna get crazy!" "We just assumed that..." "Hey!" "I'm no goody-goody!" "Girlfriend, please!" "Notch..." "You don't think I'm a prude, do ya?" "'Course not." "Why do you ask?" "See, everybody's getting together for a bachelorette party at an exotic dance club." "And you got invited?" "Why does everyone keep asking that?" "Hey, Chief, can I talk to you?" "I got a letter from my Aunt Eva." " Hold on, Chip." " [Drumming]" "Those are smoke signals from the Kahonees." ""Chief Dark Horse will make the Kahonee reservation" ""a gambling casino?" ""It will extend to the beach?" "More smoke at 11:00."" "This is terrible." "Notch... when did you become fluent in smoke signals?" "I'm a Kahonee." "As a boy, I was adopted by the late tribal father," "Chief Pokemon." "You were part of his family?" "Well, not 100%." "I was more like Robert Duvall in The Godfather, or Ernie on My Three Sons." "But they were my family." "And now, with every fiber of my being," "I have to stop this." "Come on, girl!" "Git it up!" "J.P., as excited as I am to meet you," "I don't know." "A gambling establishment." "I have a very conservative constituency." "Anita, just take a look." "I know you're going to be as excited as I am once you see the Big Kahonee Casino." "My Lord!" "It's so big." "Anita, nothing about me is small." "Mayor Massengil, what the heck is goin' on?" "I heard a casino's..." "Hey, that is really cool." "What is that?" "A casino." "A casino?" "It just so happens" "I came here to talk to you about a casino!" "You're Notch Johnson, the famous lifeguard, aren't you?" "J.P. Wynne." "Atlantic City." "I'll give you something to shake, mister!" "You're not building a casino in Malibu Adjacent." "I'm not going to let you destroy the town, the Indian reservation, the beach..." "Not to mention, you're cutting off my unit." "We Kahonees have a saying:" "Mariska Hargitay Algonquin Calhoun..." "Which means..." ""Go back to Atlantic City." "You're not wanted."" "J.P., the pinhead does have a point." "If the casino is built, this town will never be the same." "Why don't we talk more about it... say, uh, over dinner?" "Dinner?" "I like dinner." "Where did you have in mind?" "I have my own jet." "You're not afraid of flying, are you?" "Well, let's just put it this way..." "I'm a charter member of the Mile High Club." " Ooh." " [Both Giggle]" "[Muttering]" "Notch, can I talk to you?" "Chip, can't you see I'm muttering to myself?" "Ah, jeez, I'm so sorry." "I'm sorry." "It's this casino." "What can I do for you, my German buddy?" "It's my family in South America." "The Rommels of Paraguay." "You remember." "They conduct genetic experiments." "Noble work." "How's their business?" "It's ghastly." "They need money to complete their findings." "Ah." "Say no more, pilgrim." "$10?" "Oh, jeez, I'm sorry." "I thought it was a 5." "I'll get you some change." "Ach du lieber." "Time to start moonlighting." "Thank you kindly." "Aah!" "Ha!" "Yo, our booties are gonna be front row, center for the bachelorette blowout!" "[Together] Aah!" "Hey, you know what else we should do for Lika?" "A lingerie party." "[Together] Aah!" "Aah!" "Ah..." "Ooh." "What?" "It's a lingerie party." "Are you sure you wanna go?" "OK, now hold on." "You are all acting like I am some total prude!" "I would love to go to a lingerie party." "What's a lingerie party?" "Well, here's how I picture it..." "[Together] Aah!" "Merci, Marceau." "To us..." "To us." "I can't believe I'm in Paris." "And just look at the sights... the Eiffel Tower... the Louvre..." "Notre Dame..." "Popeyes Chicken." "Anita... ever since I met you, I've wanted to give you a pearl necklace." "You're using this to buy that permit for the casino." " No, I'm not." " [Gasps]" "Forget the casino." "We won't build it." "I'm just glad to be in Paris with a real woman." " Are you serious?" " Absolutely." "It was going to be my last casino anyway." "I just wanna meet someone and travel." "And I've almost made enough money to do just that." "Uh-huh." "And when you say..." "enough money, did you have a figure in mind?" "$50 billion." "I even brought this contract with me, foolishly thinking... we could get the business out of the way, and then... talk about us." "[Both Chuckling]" "Let's talk about us." "[Chanting]" "[Chanting Hebrew Tune]" "Look, Little Worm." "Our people have gone crazy with greed!" "Maybe they will listen to you." "[Thunder]" "With all the power of the Lord thy God, dost thou not seeth thy sins?" "Hello, Brown Log." "Laughing Cow." "Hello, White Swallow." "Hello yourself, Little Worm." "Notch, you mean well, but it is time for the Kahonees to enjoy the fruits." "Fruits are good." "But I really love nuts." "But look at the beauty you already have." "What more could you want?" "On this land, your father," "Chief Pokemon, taught me how to hunt, how to fish, and how to trap beaver." "Eech!" "And if you give this land to the long knife from Atlantic City," "I will use all my power to stop it!" "[All Groaning]" "Yo, yo, yo!" "Looks like we got some horny ladies in the house!" "Any bachelorette parties tonight?" "Sweetheart, if you're gonna be marrying a doctor, you're gonna love our first act." "He is... the Surgeon!" "That thing is huge.!" "[All]:" "Hi, Chip." "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I made a mistake!" "I can't do this!" "I'm the one who made a mistake!" "You're fired!" "[Crowd Boos]" "Ah, thank you, thank you." "I'm J.P. Wynne." "I have built 17 casinos in my life, but the Big Kahonee is going to be my biggest and best yet." "And I love my new partners..." "The Kahonees!" "Dark Horse!" "There we go." "Look at the camera." "But, uh, best of all," "I have met a woman... who's captured my heart." "Mayor Anita Massengil." "Thank you, sweetheart." "I have a vision for Malibu Adjacent... a vision that I'd like to share with you..." "Oh, I'm sorry you don't approve." "I'm sorry I have to leave the land I love." "Who says you have to leave?" "A beautiful squaw..." "woman like yourself..." "I can make you a very nice deal." "We should have dinner some time." "You, uh, like to fly, don't you?" "Dinner with you?" "Mm-hmm." "I would rather die the death of a thousand buffaloes." "[Anita] ...first shovel of sand, or, as you Kahonees call it, earth." "[Women Chanting]" "[Drum Beating]" "[Drum Beating]" ""Kahonees swindled." ""Dark Horse attempting suicide." "Yahoo up 29 points"?" "I'm on it!" "Wynne stole from us, and it's all my fault." "Now..." "I must die." "Dark Horse!" "It's only money." "It's not like you lost your land." " No, he lost the land too, Notch." " OK..." "[Sobs] We got net profits, not adjusted gross!" "If we Kahonees see any money, it won't be for 400 or 500 moons!" "I only wanted what was best for our tribe." "I should have listened to Little Worm and Fire Bush." "Never be ashamed for doing what you think is best." "Right, Fire Bush?" "Where's she going?" "She's going on a date with J.P. Wynne." "Then she's gonna kill him." " Are you gonna be OK?" " Yeah." "All right." "Here's your gun." "Hey, Chip." "How's it goin'?" "Wow, Chip." "We can't believe we saw your big wiener!" "Uh, what B.J. Means is, we can't believe we saw your big... uh... d-dancing." "Ah..." "But why were you the Surgeon?" "With that big hose, you should have been the Fireman." "Ahem." "Did you do it for the money, Chip?" "Yeah." "My family needs it." "They might lose everything!" "That sleazy M.C. Said I could make big Deutsche marks if I would show my svanson noodle." "Now what do I do?" "Yo... we gotta think of something, girlfriends." "I once thought of something." "Wait." "The prude just came up with a great idea." "[Both] Kimberlee, you?" "Paris?" "Mr. Wynne flew with his dinner companion to Paris?" "Let me ask you something." "I have frequent flier miles with Valujet." " Do you know if they fly to P..." " [Dial Tone]" "I just got some bad news from the governor." "Have you seen myJ.P.?" "I can't talk now, Mayor." "I've got to get to Paris." "Ah, Paris." "City of Lights." "The Champs Elysees, le Tour Eiffel." "It's also the city where yourJ.P. Has taken Fire Bush to dinner." "What?" "Merci, Marceau." "What changed your mind?" "If you can't beat 'em... date him." "I'm gonna kill him." "Then I'm gonna wake him up." "Then I'm gonna kill him again!" "Well?" "Hey!" "White Swallow told me about this odd-shaped bread." "Apparently they're called "fag-gets."" "I have always wanted to give a girl... a pearl necklace." "But what about the mayor?" "I thought you were engaged." "Ha, ha!" "That old bag?" "No way, baby." "I'm a free man in Paris." "Mmm..." "What the hell is..." "Ha, ha, ha!" "Hi, Anita!" "You got the message to meet me in Paris." "Save your crap for the tables, Wynne." "You used me to get the permit, but guess what." "Notch Johnson made some phone calls, and the governor overruled me." "Your request for a gaming application has been denied." "My people have their land back!" "And the mayor has broken Wynne!" "Bravo!" "[Cheering]" "Do I have any horny guys in the house?" "Huh?" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "OK, guys, I got some ladies here who are desperate for money." "So I give you..." "the Lifeguards!" "* You say deep down, baby *" "* O-on a night like this *" "* Well, I heard it all before, honey *" "* It's time to put your love to the test *" "* You've got to show me *" "* Ah *" "* Show me what you got *" "* Show me *" "* Ah, come on, baby *" "* Show me *" "* I'm aware you're lookin' at me, baby *" "* I like the way you feel *" "*Just one thing you gotta do, honey *" "* Show me that your love's for real *" "* You've got to show me *" "* Show me, hey-yeah *" "* Show me what you got *" "* Show me *" "* I want something real *" "* Show me what you got *" "* Oh, oh, oh *" "* Show me what you got *" "Oh, hi, teens." "Notch Johnson here." "You know, tonight's show wasn't about anything." "It was more of a statement against the stereotyping of the Native Indian American." "You'll notice we stayed away from all those stereotypes." "How?" "You might ask." "Well, firstly, when I see those stereotypes," "I get heap big sick." "I mean, I just go, "ugh."" "Thirdly, a lot of the actors we used tonight are actually part Injun." "And lastly, to avoid the stereotype of the drunken Indian, we limited the amount of alcohol our actors could drink." "No drinkum fire water!" "So, until next time, this is Notch "Little Worm" Johnson saying... ride the big one."