"[Fanfare plays]" "[Up-tempo music plays]" "[Rooster crows]" "7-8-9, uh... 7-8-9..." "Fran, I'm calling the doctor." "Everything all right?" "FRAN:" "Yes, dear, but we'd better hurry." "Yeah, all right, honey, just remain calm." "DR. PRUITT:" "Hello?" " Hello?" "Yeah, Doc..." " Hello?" "Who's calling?" "Hang on just one second." "DR. PRUITT:" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Who is this?" "Doc, it's Mark Garrison." " I hate to wake you up but..." " Is she feeling any pain?" "Yeah, it's starting." "She thinks it'll be pretty soon now." "DR. PRUITT:" "I think you'd better get over here." "We're on our way, Doc." "Thanks." "DR. PRUITT:" "Bye, Mark." "Hey, honey, I got Doc Pruitt." "I'm gonna bring the car around front." "FRAN:" "All right, dear." "Morning, Mr. Garrison." "You're up pretty..." "[Engine revs, tires squeal] ...early." "[Tires squeal]" "Take it easy, now..." "steady." "I'll get the door for you, Mr. Garrison." "No, I got it." "So this is the morning, huh, Mrs. Garrison?" "Don't worry about a thing, Mrs. Garrison." "Just let me know when you want to hike your order." "[Tires squealing]" "You're not worried, are you, honey?" "No, but I wish we were there." "Yeah..." "[Engine revs]" "Only a couple minutes more now, honey." "[Siren walls]" "Oh, boy." "That's just great." "Mark, we can't stop now." "Yeah..." "The hospital!" "[Siren walls]" "Well, now, that's what I call service." "[Tires squeal]" "Okay, on the ball!" "We got a special delivery." "All right, let's get going!" "Come on, go get a stretcher." "Well, how do you like that?" "[Engine revs]" "Be careful, sweetheart." "All right, what's the big i..." "Oh, Officer, I can't thank you enough." "We never would have made it in time without you." "Yeah, thanks a lot, Officer." "Oh, Dr. Pruitt!" "Now, now, everything's going to be all right." "Don't worry." "I'll take her." "[Door closes]" " A dog?" " [Whistles]" "Well, yeah." "Yeah." "I thought you knew, Officer." "You see, this is the first time my wife's had pups." "I mean, the dog has had pups, and I... she gets..." "[Both laugh]" " Well, how do you like that?" " Yeah, yeah." "[Laughter continues]" "Boy, wait till the boys hear about this one." "[Laughing]" "A dog. [Laughs]" "I certainly appreciate everything you've done, Officer." "My wife was pretty nervous." "You know how women get at a time like this." "Yeah, don't they always?" "Yeah." "Couldn't see it myself..." "coming to the hospital and all." "Way I remember it, dogs were, uh... they had their puppies at home in a... in a basket or a closet." "Yeah, mine had hers in a bureau drawer... right in my shirts." " Is that a fact?" "[Chuckles]" " Yeah." "How about that?" "Thanks for your trouble, Officer." "No trouble at all." "Now, just a minute here, now." "Let's see what we got here." "We got 60 in a 35..." " Now, wait a minute, I don't..." "...crossing a center line..." " I followed it around, honest." "...running a boulevard stop..." "I did stop!" "I did, I did!" "No, sir, you only slowed down." "We got doing 50 miles an hour in a hospital zone." "Well, I'm sure I wasn't doing any more than, uh, 40." " 40?" " Yeah." "Okay." "40 miles per hour in a 25-mile zone." "Do you have a driver's license, sir?" " Oh..." " [Laughs]" " Left it home." " Yeah." "It's understandable in an emergency like this." "By golly, a fellow gets up in the morning, puts the first clothes on he can find, never checks his pockets." " [Laughs] Happens every time." " Mm-hmm." "No operator's license." "This your car, sir?" "Well, of course it's my car." "What's your name, sir?" "Mark Garrison." "Your address?" "336 North Bowling Green Drive." " Your business address?" " The same." "I work at home." "I'm an artist." "Engine number?" "Now, why in the world would I know the engine number?" "Okay, it's your car." "I'll take your word for it." " [Chuckles] - [Sarcastically] Thanks." "Sign here, please." "[Laughs]" "You forget something, maybe?" ""No... parking."" "I'd move the car, Mr. Garrison. [Laughs]" "FRAN:" "Oh, wonderful, Doctor!" "Mark!" "Mark, we made it just in time!" "Danke had a puppy." "Oh, that's great, honey." "That's just great." "[Motorcycle engine turns over]" "FRAN:" "Bye!" "Oh, wasn't he sweet?" "You know, Mark, policemen must have a benevolent fund or something." "Couldn't we give a donation?" "I'm giving, honey." "Believe me, I'm giving." "Mrs. Garrison?" "Two more..." "I think that'll be all." "Mark, three puppies..." "I can't wait to see them!" "I'll be in as soon as I move the car." " When can we take them home?" " Tomorrow." "That'll give the pups a chance to get a good start." "All right." " Hey, Doc?" " Hmm?" "Those three puppies..." "all females, right?" "Yeah, right." "My luck's holding." "[Car door closes]" "[Engine turns over]" "Gertrude." "Gertrude Van Dankelein." "[Clicks tongue] Ugh." "Martha Van Dankelein..." "You call me, honey?" "Oh, no, I'm just trying to think of names for the puppies." "What's the hurry?" "They have to be registered so they can get their papers." "You can't begin to get them in shows until you get their papers." "And you laughed when Jim Carstairs enrolled his son at Yale the day after he was born." "Winifred Van Dankelein..." "Erma..." " [Yawns]" " Matilde." "[Sighs] It's been a long day, honey." "I mean, a very long day." "Hildagarde, Dagmar, Ermentrude." "Good night, love." "Huh?" "Oh, good night, honey." "[Sighs]" "Mark... what do you think of these..." "Freda, Esmerelda, Ludmila?" "Fran..." "Daphne, Dora, Diana?" "Frances..." "Yes, dear." "Isolda, Alberta, Brunhilda?" "Heidi?" "Clotilde?" "Wilhelmina?" "Don't question it, Doc." "I want to get some sleep tonight." "Huh?" "Get... oh, yeah, I get it. [Laughs]" "Are the pups ready?" "Yeah, I'll get them for you in a minute." "There's one thing I've got to do first." " All right, no hurry." " [Laughing]" "Clotilde... oh, my, my." "[Barking, yipping]" "Quiet, quiet." "Yeah..." "Okay, girl." "Great Dane, huh?" "Uh-huh." "[Muffled grunting]" "Easy now, easy now, fella." "Easy now." "Easy now, little fella." "Easy now." "I got you." "I've got you." "That's my idea of a real dog." "Ah, the greatest." "And Duchess there is the best Dane I've ever owned." " She's yours, huh?" " Uh-huh, she sure is." "Just between the two of us, Doc," "I'd give my back teeth to have a dog like that." "Okay, all right, all right." " [Yipping]" " All right, don't get excited." "I'm getting to you." "Okay, all right, take it easy, take it easy." "Yeah." "All right." "All right." "All right, come on, now." "Come on, come on." "What's the matter with this one?" "Oh, nothing yet, nothing yet." "[Chuckles]" "Looks like he's not hungry." "Oh, he's hungry, all right." "He's just not taking to the formula, that's all." "All right, come on." "Why don't you put him back with his mother?" "No, no, that wouldn't work." "Why not?" "Well, it's a case of too much litter and too little milk." "Duchess just picked him out and pushed him away." "Pushed him away?" "Her own pup?" "Well, they do that sometimes." "It's funny, the tricks nature plays, huh?" "[Chuckles]" "Now, you take that dachsie of yours, Danke." " Oh, she's got too much milk." " Yeah." "Why, she could feed her three pups and..." "Say..." " Uh, oh, no, no, Doc." " Oh, well, now... just so the dachsie could wet-nurse him?" "Mnh-mnh, not interested, sorry." "Oh, no, wait, don't get me wrong, now." "I'm not trying to sell him." "I'd be glad to give him away just to keep him alive." "No, no, absolutely not, Doc." "Mnh-mnh." "Well, I guess you're right." "No place for a Great Dane with a family that likes dachsies, anyway, huh?" "Here, see what you can do with him." " Well, d..." " I'll go get your pups." " [Barking softly]" " Oh, well, okay." "One drop at a time." "Oh, yeah, okay." "Well, now, wait, wait." "Hold on, there, fella." "Hold on, there." "Come here, come here." "Here." "Hey, come on, take some of this, now." "Come on, now, get it down." "That's one." "[Horn honking]" "Oh, Mark, I thought you'd never get here!" "Fran, wait just a minute." "Oh, Danke, I bet you're glad to be home again, huh?" "Look, Fran, there's something I have to tell you." "Oh, my three little darlings..." " [Barking softly]" " Danke!" " Mark, she had another puppy." " [Chuckles]" " Well, yes, sort of." " Why didn't Doc Pruitt call us?" "Uh, well, he..." "honey, this dog here..." "Oh, isn't she funny-looking?" "She's a he." "What do you mean, funny-looking?" " Well, different..." " Well, yeah, it's different." "But, well, I guess it's because he was born later, huh?" "Mark, it's getting too chilly for the puppies out here." "Why don't you bring them in?" "I'll warm some milk for Danke." "Fran, honey, I have to tell you this..." "You know, Mark, you really ought to be nicer to Danke now." " Why?" " For having a boy puppy." "He's what you always wanted, isn't he?" "Yeah... he sure is." "Come on in, fella." "Dinner's ready." "Rover..." "Prince..." "Butch!" "Come here, Butch!" "Come here, fella!" "[Dogs barking softly]" "Hi, how are things in the nursery?" "Fine." "Good, good." "Mark, do you think that puppy's all right?" "Which one?" "The male." "Something seems wrong to me." "Well, what's the matter with him?" "Haven't you noticed his head and his feet are all out of proportion?" "Mark, he is positively ugly." "Well, I..." "I wouldn't say that he was ugly." "Well, I suppose he'll change when he grows up." "Oh, yeah, yeah, he... he'll change, dear, he certainly will." "Hey, what do you think it should be?" "What do I think what should be?" "His name." "We gotta have a name for him." "Oh, I don't know." "You pick it." "I've run dry." "Yeah, okay." "How about, um..." "But, Mark, nothing like, um, Sport or Butch or Rover." "I mean, that dog has champion bloodlines." "Well, it should be a name with some kind of... dignity." "How about Brutus?" "[Laughing] Brutus?" "Yeah, that has dignity and nobility to it." "Brutus." "I mean, it has a... a... uh, solidity and strength about it." "It's, uh..." "Brutus." "You know?" "I like that." "Well, it's up to you, dear, but, frankly, it doesn't sound much like a dachshund to me." "Oh, no, no, it doesn't sound like a, uh..." "Sounds like a champion, though." "[Telephone rings]" " Hello?" " DR. PRUITT:" "Hello, Mark." "Oh, hello, Doc." " How are the dachsies?" " Well, they're just fine, Doc." " And the Dane?" " Yeah, no, he's great, too." "No feeding problems at all." "No, no, no objections." "How's Mrs. Garrison taking it?" "As a matter of fact, I haven't told her yet, Doc." " She's not blind." " Well, I know she's not blind." "He must be getting pretty big by now." "I figure I've still got a couple of days." "They're not even out of the basket yet, Doc," "I want to give her a chance to like it, you know?" "FRAN:" "Mark!" "Um... uh, uh, uh, the preliminary sketches" "I'm working on right now, Mr. Dayton, and I should have them by the end of the week." "Thank you." "I'll see you then." "Bye." "Am I interrupting you?" "Uh, no, no, dear, Nothing important." "Harry Dayton is a little nervous about that cover I'm doing for his magazine." "Oh, is this it?" "Uh, well, that's one of my ideas, yeah." "Why, those are the dachsies, huh?" " Uh-huh." " Well, that's sweet." "But, uh, what is that big thing they're staring at so adoringly?" "Well, that... that's a, uh..." "I haven't decided yet, actually." "It's... it's a larger animal of some kind, you know, for contrast." "Oh, yeah, that's..." "that's a good idea." "You know, a... a Great Dane might be effective." " You really think so?" " Mm-hmm... but you should be using Danke and the puppies for models." "[Chuckling] They're a little too small for that yet, dear." "[Chuckling] Well, you haven't noticed how fast they're growing." "Come on, girls." "[Barking]" "Well, how about that?" "They're out of the basket." "[Whining]" "And Brutus..." "Well, will you look at him, huh?" "Hey, look at the way he's he's growing." " [Fran chuckles]" " Kind of like a weed, huh?" "Or like a Great Dane." "Now, just hang on a minute..." "Just hold on there, now, for a minute, Fran." "I can explain everything." "Like you've been explaining for the last couple of weeks?" ""There's nothing wrong." "He's not different." "It's just that he was born later."" " I didn't say that." "You did." " Well, what do you say now?" "You still gonna tell me that's a dachshund?" "I didn't say that, Fran." "Not once did I say that was a dachshund." "No, no." "You were sneaky about it." "You took advantage of me, Mark." "I never thought you could be that deceitful and sneaky." "Oh, now, come on." "You could have come out like a man and told me you were gonna bring that dog home instead of hiding it, smuggling it in with the puppies, Mark." "Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!" "Okay, okay!" "I'm sneaky, but..." "Mark, I really never thought that you could do something... that... sneaky!" "Well, If you'll give me just a minute, I'll tell you." " I don't believe you." " You haven't heard me yet!" "Well, I'm never gonna believe you again." " Oh, I'm sorry." " Well, for goodness sakes." "I'll fix it." " Fran..." "Fran, if I hadn't..." " [Brutus yipping]" " Come here, little fella." " [Whines]" "If I hadn't brought this poor little puppy home, he would have starved." " Starved?" " That's right." "Came from a big litter, couldn't get enough to eat, and... and, Fran, his own mother pushed him away." " No!" " That's right." "Oh, poor Brutus." "Oh..." "When Danke had her pups, well, she had too much milk, so, uh," "Dr. Pruitt asked if she couldn't wet-nurse him till he was weaned, that's all." "I tell you, I..." "I just didn't have the heart to refuse," "I really didn't, and I'm sure you wouldn't have, either." "Oh, of course not." "Oh, poor Brutus," "I'm sorry for all the nasty things I said." "Then you agree I did the right thing, hmm?" "Oh, Mark, don't you think I have any heart at all?" "I'm sorry, darling, I should have known." "Then we can keep him, huh?" "Certainly not." "He's been weaned." "He and Doc Pruitt will get along just fine now, sweet baby." "Come on, Danke!" "[Claps]" " Come on, girls." " [Barking]" "He's a fine little fella, Doc." "Hope you find a good home for him, huh?" " Hey, Doc?" " Hmm?" "His name's Brutus." "Brutus." "Yeah." "[Engine turns over]" " Mark?" " Uh-huh?" "Here's your lunch." "Oh, okay, just, uh, set her down there." " How's it going?" " Terrible, terrible... haven't had a decent idea all morning." "Working, working away..." "nothing happening." "Four weeks and you're still angry, hmm?" "Angry about what?" "Brutus." "That is ridiculous!" "You see?" "You see?" "You are angry." "Fran, I'm not a child, you know." "I mean, when I say I'm not angry, I'm not angry." "You forgot the cream." "Do you know how you have been acting lately, hmm?" "So cold and distant." "You hardly ever talk to me, you never smile." "[Sighs] That bad, huh?" "[Chuckling] Worse." " I am a heel." " Mmm..." "I apologize." "And I don't have any more problems about dogs." "Mmm..." " Okay?" " Okay." " [Whining]" " Mmm... mmm..." "To make it official, we are gonna spruce up tonight." "We're gonna go out on the town, we're gonna see a show, gonna have dinner, put our glad rags on." "Well, I, uh, I have a class tonight." "Mmm, a class in what?" "In grooming." "Are you kidding?" "You look beautiful." "Uh, for dachshunds." "Dachshunds?" "!" "Well, we could celebrate tomorrow." "You know, tomorrow is your birthday." "That's really something to celeb..." "You're angry again, right?" "Huh?" "No." "No, I'm not angry." "See, I'm smiling." "Okay, tomorrow it is." "But right now, why don't you get out of here, let me eat my lunch, and get some work done, hmm?" "[Barking, whining]" "[Barks]" "[Whining, barking]" "Fran, I brought the car around front!" "[Fran humming "Happy Birthday"]" "Hey, what's going on?" "It's darn near 6: 15." "A birthday calls for champagne." "That's very nice of you, dear, but we don't have time." "They won't hold our table past 7:00." "Oh, we have plenty of time... all evening..." "because we're staying home." "We're what?" "I thought we'd have a private party of our own." "Yeah, but, honey, what about the reservations?" "And I got tickets for the Philharmonic." "Oh, Mark, it'll be so much nicer here... just us, so cozy." "Oh... [Chuckling]" "On second thought, that's not a very bad idea." "[Chuckling] I thought you might say that." "To you, my dear." "Besides, we couldn't possibly celebrate without the dachsies." " [Coughing]" " Oh, Mark!" "Mark, are you all right?" "Without the what?" "!" "Well, Danke and the girls." "After all, Mark, it is a family affair, and they are family." "They're dogs, honey!" " Mark, you know what I mean." " No, I don't." " Look, it's my birthday, right?" " Right." "That makes me king for the day, right?" "Means I can do whatever I want to do, right?" "!" " Right." " All right!" "I don't want to do anything with the dachsies." "Oh, Mark, now, I planned such a wonderful evening." "Don't spoil it." "You come over here, Mark, and you sit down." "You just relax, and..." "and you drink your champagne." "I'll be right back." "Come on, girl." "Hurry, now." "[Whines]" "Come on. [Chuckles]" "Hurry!" " That's it!" " [Whining]" "[Barking, yipping]" "Come on, Danke." "You're holding up the party." "Happy birthday to you" "Happy birthday to you" "Happy birthday, dear Mark" "Happy birthday to you" " Mmm." " All right, girls." " [Growling softly]" " Come on, now, line up." "Go on." "Will you blow out your candle?" "Mmm." "There, now your wish will come true." "Now you can open your presents." "[Whining]" "Here, this one's from Wilhelmina." "Wilhelmina, well..." "I wonder what could be in this necktie box." "[Fran chuckles]" "Well, imagine that..." "a necktie." "She picked it out herself." "Well, uh, my favorite colors." "Goes with anything, doesn't it?" "Uh, and this is from Heidi." "From Heidi." "[Whining, growling continue]" "A soup spoon?" "It's a pipe." "Oh." "Here we go." "It's the latest kind." "Yeah... you should have told Heidi..." "I stopped smoking two months ago." "Oh, I..." "I forgot." "Well, uh, this is from Chloe." "From Chloe, mm-hmm." "Well, let's see what we have here." "Just what I always wanted..." "a box." "Well, open it!" "["Oh, Where, Oh, Where Has My Little Dog Gone?" plays]" "Oh, that's the wrong tune." "Uh, the one in the store played "The Blue Danube."" "Well... this is from Danke." "From Danke?" "Well..." "You like it?" "I have no idea." "Well, don't you know what that is?" "Should I?" "Well, Danke didn't know what to buy you, so she took her favorite bone and had it bronzed." "Well, Mark, you could use it for a paperweight." "A bronzed bone?" "Well, don't you think that's a cute idea?" "Fran... there comes a time in every man's life when he has got to stand up and be counted, and my time is right now." "Mark, if you're gonna count, count to ten." "I'm only gonna say this once, Fran." "I have had it with those walking wieners!" "[Growling softly]" "I have had it!" "I was willing to put up with Danke." ""Danke this, Danke that." "Danke wins a two-cent piece of ribbon."" "You'd think it was a Nobel Prize." "But I refuse to go through the same routine with those pups." "I refuse to..." "I refuse to let them run my life." "I will not have it anymore, Fran." "Keep them out of my way, or they're really gonna wind up sausages." "[Whining]" "And thank you for a very happy birthday." "Now, just one minute!" "Just one minute, Mark Garrison!" "[Barking]" "You are the most selfish, thoughtless, inconsiderate..." "I'm selfish?" "!" "...ungrateful man I have ever met!" "That is the most ridiculous accusation that..." "Will you get your whatever-it-ls off my bed?" "I want to relax!" "That just happens to be my birthday present to you, and you can just move it yourself!" "Well, thank you very much..." "for... for..." "What in..." "Brutus!" "Fella..." "What..." "He..." "look at your hands!" "Man, have you grown!" "Good..." "Oh, boy." "I, um..." "[Whining] ...don't know how you put up with me." "I'm so blind." "FRAN:" "And selfish!" "MARK:" "That's right, yes." "FRAN:" "And nasty!" "Mm-hmm." "And mean." "And I just know I'm gonna hate myself." "[Whining]" "[Growling]" "Come on, Danke, we'll try on your sweater." "Oh, Brutus, now, you know better than that." "Go back where you belong." "Go on." "Go on." " [Growling] - [Yipping]" "Danke, come!" "Come on." "That's my girl." "Try on your sweater." "Yes, let's see if it fits, huh?" "You'll be the prettiest girl on the whole block." " Fran!" " Hmm?" "Burp a baby for me, will you?" "What?" "Burp a baby." "I need it for a sketch." "Are the hands this way or that way?" "I don't know." "I don't know, Mark." "Well, here, show me with Danke." " Oh, Mark, come on." " No, it'll just take a minute." "Stand up, here." "Stand up." "Pat her." "There, that's the way." " [Danke burps]" " Gesundheit." " [Laughs]" " Yeah, that... that's, uh..." "Hey, come out and pose for me, would you?" " It'll just take a second." " Oh, Mark, come on!" " I have to finish that sweater." " Just come out to the studio." "[Indistinct conversation]" "[Barking]" "[Barking]" "[Barking, growling softly]" "[Barks]" "[Keys plinking]" "[Keys plinking]" "[Keys playing]" "[Growling continues]" "[Notes playing]" "[Whines]" "[Keys plinking]" "[Muffled barking]" "Oh, Brutus!" "Mark, look what he's done." "Now, wait a minute..." "how do you know he did it?" "You're not gonna blame it on those little angels, Mark." "Just look at them." "You can tell they had nothing to do with it." "One dog couldn't possibly have done all of this." "No, not normally one dog..." "Besides, there's no real harm done, honey." "It's just a little yarn, that's all." "Just relax, now." "I can pick it all up... if I can find where it begins." "Mark!" "Uh, Look out!" "Mark, don't move!" "Aah!" "Mark!" "Aah!" "[Sighs]" "[Sarcastically] Just... a little yarn." "[Chuckles]" " FRAN:" "One, two, three, smile!" " [Brutus barking]" "Oh, that is beautiful." "Hold still." "Hold still, Brutus." "Ready?" "One, two..." " [Barking]" " What happened, you silly, huh?" "Watch out." "Watch out." "Oh, watch out." " Come on, Danke, you look silly." " All right, all right." "Chloe, stay, stay." "You're gonna slip." "Watch it." "Everybody, smile." " Ready?" "Now..." " Get over here." " Take a break, huh?" " One..." " Wait a minute." "Okay." "...two..." " Take it easy." " [Barking]" "Oh, Brutus!" "Mark, will you look what he's done?" "Yeah, well, he just wants to play with them." "Oh, he always wants to play with them." "He won't leave them alone for a minute." "Do you think he really believes he's their brother?" " Well, I hope not." " [Doorbell rings]" "Would you get that, honey?" "I want to finish this roll." "Mmm, yeah, yeah." "[Barking continues]" "Come on, girls, come on." "Come on." "Morning." "Well, good morning, Mr. Garrison." "You remember me." "Um... oh, oh, yeah." "$ 110 worth, in fact." "Yeah, you sure piled them up that morning, didn't you?" "Yeah, I certainly did." " You know something?" " What?" "So far, nobody in the department yet has written that many violations in one day." " Is that a fact?" " I hold a record." "I'm certainly happy I could help you out there." "Is there something I can do for you, Officer, uh..." " Carmody." " Carmody." " But it's, uh, Sergeant now." " Sergeant?" "I'm not just on highway patrol anymore." " No?" " I'm on special detail." " Uh-huh." " Now, have you noticed any suspicious-looking characters around here lately?" "Have you had any problems at night?" "Uh, no, no." "Why?" "Well, there's been a lot of petty theft going on in this neighborhood." "It looks like it's the work of one man." "We call him the "cat burglar."" "[Laughing]" "You're supposed to say," ""Who in the world would want to steal a cat?"" " I am?" " Well, everybody does." "Oh!" "Oh, well, I guess my sense of humor's not what it should be." "[Chuckles] But anyway, this fellow sneaks in, grabs the first thing he can lay his hands on, and sneaks right out again." "So you keep your eyes wide open." "Oh, I certainly will, yes, yes." "Uh, thank you for the warning, Offic... uh, Sergeant." "And it's been nice talking to you." "Yeah, it's been nice, uh..." "it's good to see you." "Give my regards to the missus." "Yes, yes." "And the family." "Arf!" "[Laughing]" " [Engine turns over] - "And the family." Ha!" "[Barking]" "Come on, now, Chloe, up you go." "Come on, that's my girl, yes." "Everybody, look at me now." " [Whining]" " Don't move, Brutus, or you'll distract them." "Who was that, dear?" "It was the police." "They're looking for a cat burglar." "[Chuckling] Isn't that silly?" "Who'd steal a cat?" "Hey..." "You know who that was out there?" "Do you remember the cop on the motorcycle that escorted us to the hospital?" "Oh, that nice patrolman..." "Finnegan." "Yeah... no, no, Carmody, and he's a sergeant now." "Made sergeant on my money." "[Chuckles]" "Every time I think about that morning, I..." "Brutus, no!" " [Dachshunds barking]" " Oh, no..." "Hey, what are you hitting me for?" "!" "It took me 15 minutes to get them in that pose." "Now look what he's done." "Well, honey, it... it's just an old wheelbarrow." "Well, then you clean it up." "Come on, Danke, we'll go make lunch." "Come on, baby." "Oh." "That's my girl." "[Barks]" "Hey, Fran!" "Look at this!" "He's learned to..." "learned to fetch already!" "Oh, marvelous, just marvelous." "Good boy." "Let me have it now." "Let go of it, let go." " [Growling]" " Let go, Brutus." "Let go." "Let..." "let go of the wheel." "[Growling continues]" "Brutus, let go of the wheel." "Let go..." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aaah!" "[Whines]" "Well, now, maybe you could stand a few improvements." "What happened?" "Nothing." "I just sat down in the lily pond, that's all." "I'm gonna change clothes." "Honestly, Mark, you're getting to be as clumsy as Brutus." "[Barking]" "[Barking]" "[Barking continues]" "[Barking continues]" "[Barking]" "[Barking]" "[Barking continues]" "[Barking continues]" "FRAN:" "Mark!" "[Gasps]" "Oh!" "Well!" "Now are you satisfied, hmm?" "Mark, are you satisfied?" "Or are you gonna try and blame this on the dachsies, too?" " Why not?" "We always do." " Fran..." "Of course, the fact that the little innocent things are nowhere in sight shouldn't make any difference." "They must be responsible." "They always are." "And poor, poor persecuted Brutus is blameless." "Of course, the fact that he has paint all over him and paintings stuck on his feet is merely circumstantial evidence." " That doesn't prove anything." " Fran, will you shut up?" "Oh, I'm sorry..." "Fran, I..." "I'm very sorry." "That's all right, Mark." "I excuse your rudeness on the grounds that you are justifiably overwrought." "You needn't apologize." "But if you ever say "shut up" to me again, Mark Garrison, neither I nor the girls will ever speak to you again." "Oh, boy." "[Barking]" "Oh... boy." "$20 to scrape studio floor," "$23 to replace two broken windows." "[Barking]" "$ 12 to repair easel." "What should I put down for one month's work ruined?" "Fran, it was my work, and it was my studio." "All right, Mark." "Last week, it cost me $ 18 to repair my couch slipcovers and $92 to replace my mother's broken vase." "Fran, Brutus is still a puppy at heart." "I know that, Mark." "That is what worries me." "His career is just beginning." " Well..." " Now, Mark... that dog is too destructive." " He has got to go." " [Barking continues]" "No, he isn't!" "For... shut up!" "The puppy, shut up." "Uh, Brutus." "Uh..." "Look, Fran..." " [Barking continues]" " Brutus, will you be quiet?" "!" "You hear me, Brutus?" "Be quiet!" "Oh, don't waste your breath, Mark." "He's as stubborn as you are." "Well, I'll... put him out in the garage." "What did I do with that flashlight?" "Come on!" "[Clapping]" "Come on, come on!" "Yes!" "Oh, here's my girls." "All right, everybody on the end of the bed." "Come on, it's time to go to sleep." "Go on." "Go on, at the end of the bed." "Oh, now, don't be silly." "Come on." "There you are." "Oh, stop it, girls." "No, girls, don't do that." "Oh, just calm down, now." " [Barking continues]" " Brutus, no!" "Aah!" "Ooh!" "[Dogs barking]" "Oh!" " Oh!" " Come here, Brutus." "Come here." "Come here, now." "Honey, are you okay?" "One new bed... $200!" "All right, I..." "I give up." "He goes back to Doc first thing in the morning." "Come on, Brutus." "Oh!" "[Barking]" "Oh!" " [Crickets chirping]" " Wait a minute, now." "Hold it, Brutus." "Why couldn't you have been good for something?" "Anything?" "Now, go on in there, fella." "Lie down." "[Whimpers]" "This'll give you plenty of air." "[Whimpering, whining]" "Be quiet." "[Barking]" "Hush!" "[Whining]" "Hush up, Brutus!" "[Doorknob rattles]" "Oh, great, beautiful, beautiful." "[Sighs]" "[Grunting]" "The end of a perfect day." "[Brakes squeal]" "[Engine turns off]" "[Parking brake clicking]" "[Shoes creaking]" "[Creaking continues]" "[Growls softly]" " [Creaking continues] - [Whining softly]" "[Creaking continues]" "[Door creaking]" "[Growling]" "[Barking]" "Easy, boy." "Easy, boy." "Shh!" " [Growling]" " Shh!" "Lie down." " [Barking]" " Nice doggy." "Nice doggy." "You have the wrong man, the wrong man." " I'm a policeman." "Shh!" " [Growling]" " Aaah!" " [Barking]" "Aah, hold it." "Hold it right there." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Hold it." "[Barking]" "[Growling]" "Puppy, puppy, puppy." "Puppy, puppy, puppy." " [Barking]" " Ooh, ooh, ooh." "Ooh." "Nice doggy." "[Growling]" "Oh!" "[Panting]" "[Barking]" "[Grunts] Oh!" "[Barking]" "[Grunting]" " Aah!" "[Panting] - [Barking]" "Get away!" "[Barking]" "Mark, don't fight it." "[Sighs]" "CARMODY:" "Mr. Garrison!" "Mr. Garrison!" "Get away!" "Go on!" "Mr. Garrison!" "Mr. Garrison!" "Wake up!" "It's me..." "Sergeant Carmody!" "Go on!" "Get away!" "Go on, get away!" "Mr. Garrison!" "MAN ON POLICE RADIO:" "Calling Sergeant Carmody," "Car 23." "Calling Sergeant Carmody, Car 23, Signal 15... investigate disturbance on Bowling Green Drive... dog barking." "Repeat..." "investigate disturbance on Bowling Green Drive..." "dog barking." "That is all." "[Panting]" "[Door opens]" "I wish that paper would show up just once on time!" "[Barking]" "Brutus!" "[Hoarsely] Mr. Gar..." "Mr. Garrison." "Mr. Garrison." "Up here!" "Sergeant Carmody." "What are you doing up there?" "[Grunts] Your dog chased me." "Hush!" "Come here." "What?" " Dog won't let me down." " I can't understand you." "[Exhales sharply]" "I..." "I..." "I can't talk." "Hey, you haven't been up there all night, have you?" "Yeah." "What in the world for?" "Your dog chased me." "Oh, you mean Brutus chased..." "How about that?" "Now, look, would you take him away and let me down?" "Hey, you know, I bet he..." "I bet he thought you were the cat burglar." " Fran!" " No." "Wait." "Would you please..." "No, no, just a minute, Sergeant." "I want to prove something to my wife first." "Fran!" "Mark, what's wrong?" "Hey, come here a minute." "I want to show you something." "Will you just let me down?" "Uh, Fran, you remember Sergeant Carmody." "He escorted us to the hospital." "Lady, will you talk to him?" "Will you please talk to him?" "Well, I don't know what this is all about." "I wanted you to see Brutus." "He chased him up that tree." "What do you think of that?" "What do you think I think, Mark?" "That's a police officer." "Now, how would Brutus know the difference?" "It's just a prowler to him." "He could've been that burglar they're chasing around town." "He defended us!" "He protected our property!" "All right, Mark, but still..." "Don't you see how important he is to us, how valuable?" "If we keep him around here, no burglar would come within miles." "All right, Mark, you've made your point." "We can discuss it later." "In the meantime, will you please let the officer down from the tree?" " [Laughs]" " Yeah, okay." "Just wanted you to see, that's all." "Oh, uh, come on down, Sergeant." "Dog... the dog." "Oh." "Good boy, Brutus." "Good boy." "Go on back to the house now." "Go on." "Go on." "Okay, Sergeant, it's safe now." "[Panting]" "Here, let me help." "Whoa." "[Breathing heavily] I don't need any help." "Oh, well, let me give you a hand to the car." "No, no, no, do..." "don't bother, Mr. Garrison." " Would you like some breakfast?" " I'm not hungry." " How about a cup of coffee?" " I'm not thirsty." "Want an aspirin, glass of water?" "Look, all I want to do is get out of here." " Oh, okay." " Yeah." "Uh, drop in again anytime, Sergeant." "Yeah. [Breathing heavily]" "So long now." "[Grunts]" "[Panting]" "This is Sergeant Carmody in..." "[Clicking]" " This is Sergeant..." " [Clicking]" "Sergeant Carmody in Car..." "[Clicking]" "[Breathing heavily]" "[Engine sputtering]" "[Breathing heavily]" "[Barking]" "[Horn buzzes]" "[Whimpers]" "[Buzzing continues]" "[Whimpering] No, no, no." "[Whimpers]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Doorbell rings]" "Oh, Mr. Toyama." "Good morning, Mrs. Garrison." "Um, well, you're early." "I wasn't expecting you until later." " There is much to be done." " Oh." "I bring Kenji... newly imported, number-one nephew." "Oh, uh, would you mind starting in the back?" "We haven't finished breakfast yet." "As you wish." "[Barking]" "Dogs?" "Uh, they're very friendly." "Well, they won't bother you." " [Barking continues]" " Quiet, girls!" " Who was that?" " Toyama." "So early?" "[Imitating Toyama] Ah, there is much to be done." "[Normal voice] He's got to get the decorations and the food and the tables set up by 6:00." "What is this Oriental bacchanal costing us, anyway?" "Mark, we haven't entertained in six months." "We owe everybody." "Yes, I did make my hair appointment." "Yes, I did pick my dress up at the cleaners." "That evasive answer means it's costing a bundle, right?" "Wrong." "We're getting a package deal... food, decorations, everything for one reasonable price." "Yes, I ordered the guest towels for the bathroom." "No, I did not speak to Mark first thing this morning." "Sure you did." "I said, "Did you sleep well?"" "And you said, "Make your own breakfast."" "About Brutus." "Mark, you've got to get rid of that dog." "Now, wait just a minute, Fran." "Now, let's not start that again." "Brutus is my dog, and I am..." "I mean for today, Mark, so he won't be underfoot." "I mean, it's difficult enough to prepare a lawn party for 60 people without that 4-legged demolition squad running around in the middle of it." "Demolition squad?" "Now, what about that, uh, wrecking crew of yours, huh?" "Mark Garrison, how can you compare those dear, sweet, little angels with that big, clumsy ox?" "Okay." "All right, Fran, I'll, uh... take him for a walk, all right?" "You'll do no such thing." "I need you here to help me." "Just tie him up." "What am I gonna do, Fran?" "I thought Toyama's taking care of everything." "Well, Mark, you know something always goes wrong at the last minute, and I want you here just in case." "In case of what, for example?" "KENJI:" "Rion!" "Rion!" "In case of that, for example." "[Shouting in Japanese]" "Aah!" "Rion!" " [Speaking Japanese]" " Rion?" "Mark, look!" "Brutus!" " Brutus!" " Brutus, Brutus, come here." "Come here, fella." "Come on." "Mr. Toyama, are you all right?" "Take away rion!" "That's not a lion!" "That's a dog." "You call that dog?" "[Brutus barking]" "Mr. Toy..." "Mr. Toyama!" "Well, you can't just lie there." "Only way to fool wild beast." " [Barks]" " Oh, Brutus, boy." "Oh, Mark, will you take him away and tie him up somewhere?" "Oh, for Pete's sake, he wasn't gonna hurt anybody." "Rook out... rion!" "[Gasps]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Mid-tempo accordion music plays]" "[Indistinct conversations]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "[Speaking Japanese]" "How is everything, Mr. Toyama?" "Nobody eat kombu." "Kombu?" "Stuffed seaweed." "Oh, well, uh, I'm..." "I'm sure everybody will." "Well, good evening, Mrs. Garrison." "Oh, hello, Dr. Pruitt." "Well, I've been waiting for a chance to pay my respects to the hostess." "Nice of you to ask me." "Oh, you don't think we'd forget the family vet, do you?" "Well, I'd hope not." "How are the dogs?" "Oh, just adorable, especially Chloe." "You know, I think she's got the makings of a champion." "Well, there's the man who could tell you for sure." "And so I said to her," ""Madam, I'm judging your dogs, not you."" "[Laughter]" "Uh, Mel Chadwick?" "He's an expert on dachsies." "Or didn't you know?" "Well, I did know that he was judging the Fairview Dog Show next month." "Ah." "Chloe is entered, I suppose." "Oh, Dr. Pruitt, you don't think that I arranged this whole party just to get on his good side, do you?" "Oh, no, no, no, never entered my mind." "[Chuckles] Well, I did." "[Laughs] It's wicked of me, huh?" "No, no, not a bit." "Why don't you bring Chloe out here and show her to him?" "Oh, no, I couldn't." "But you will." "Of course I will." "Will you excuse me?" "Yeah, I will..." "and good luck." "[Laughing] Oh, my." "Kombu?" "Eh, kombu?" "Well, I don't think, uh..." "Come on, Chloe." "Come on." "You girls stay." "Stay." "Stay." "[Indistinct conversations]" "All right, Chloe, you go." "Go on." "Of course, so few of us have the ability to..." " Recognize such a..." " Excuse me." "Excuse me." "...quality." "Chloe, bad girl." "What did you do?" "Hey, I thought we agreed to keep the animal life out of here." "Oh, well, it was an accident, dear." "She just kind of got out." "Oh, uh, would you put those chairs over there, and could you get me two more for the hors d'oeuvre table?" "Oh, that's a cute... yes." "Well, well, well, what have we here?" "Your dog, Mrs. Garrison?" "Yes." "This is Chloe." "A fine-looking animal." "Uh, may I?" "Oh, of course." "[Slow accordion music plays]" "Better sit down, Harry." "Remember New Year's Eve." "Nobody'll let me forget." "Good back line." "Ear set... good." "Fine head." "You intend to show her?" "Well, I..." "I was thinking about it, if you think she's good enough." "There's one way to find out." "Why don't you put her in the Fairview show next month?" "Chloe!" "Chloe!" "No, no, no, Mrs. Garrison, let her go." "Dachsies love to be around people." "Oh, but I know some people who don't love to be around dachsies." "Oh, nonsense!" "[Whimpers]" "[Shouting in Japanese]" "Uh, my sentiments exactly, Mr. Toyama." "Dog not belong here." "That's right." "You hear that, Chloe?" "Now, go on." "Beat it." "[Speaking Japanese]" "Hi, Mark." "Well, hello, Doc." "How are you?" "Hey, it looks like your wife has her wish... a real champion." "Uh-huh." "A real pain sometimes, I'll tell you that." " Go on, Chloe." "Beat it." "Go on." " [Barks]" "Well, of course, I can see where your sympathies lie." "How is Brutus?" "He's getting along just great." "Would you like to see him?" "I sure would." "Brutus deserves something out of this party." " Come on." " All right." "[Laughter, indistinct conversations]" "[Gate opens, closes]" "[Laughs] Yes, sir, Mark, he is beautiful." "Of course, I could see that when he was a pup." "The best Dane I ever bred, I think." "Yeah." "And is your wife getting used to having him around now?" "Doc, let's say she's adjusted to it." "The dachshunds are her pets... especially that little ol'Chloe." "She's really got the bug." "She's not gonna be happy till she wins a blue ribbon." "Well, what about you?" "Did you ever think of trying for one yourself?" "A... you mean with Brutus?" "He's a fine dog." "Oh, Doc, that's what he's gonna stay, too..." "[Chuckling] just plain doggy." "I don't want any spoiled and pampered show horse on my hands." "Chloe?" "Chloe?" "Mark, what are you doing here?" "Oh, just showing Brutus to Dr. Pruitt." "Is Chloe still wandering around?" "I thought you were gonna put the little wiener back in the house." "Oh, she's not doing any harm." "You know, she probably found someplace to hide where she could watch the fun." "You know, we should be getting back to the guests, huh?" "Okay." "Let's go, Doc." "See you later, boy." "MARK:" "So long, Brutus." " [Gate closes] - [Growls softly]" "[Barking]" "[Growls]" "[Barking]" "[Dogs barking]" " Excuse me." " Mark?" " What?" " Where are you going?" "Oh, I'm just wondering what was bothering Brutus." "There's nothing wrong with Brutus." "Now, he's perfectly all right, and will you please pay attention to our guests?" "[Barking]" "[Squeaking]" "[Up-tempo accordion music plays]" "[Barking softly]" "Mr. Chadwick, I don't believe you've met my husband." " Hello." " Oh, Chloe's father." "How do you do, Mr. Garrison?" "MAVIS:" "Eat something, Harry." ""Eat something, Harry."" "Nobody ever says, "Drink something, Harry."" "[Sighs]" "Ah, you cute, little rascal." "Mavis!" "Mavis, come here." "I want to show you something." "Come on, I want to show you the cutest thing." "There's a tiny, little dog in there eating a bone." "Harry." "No, honest." "You can see for yourself." "Just look in the pagoda." " [Barks]" " Aaaah!" " Aaaah!" " What's that?" "[Indistinct shouting]" "Rion!" "Rion!" "Rion!" "Rion?" "!" " Lion?" " Oh, it can't be." "He's tied up." "Rion!" "Rion!" "Rion!" "Where is he?" "Where is he?" "[Speaking Japanese]" "Aaah!" "[Barking]" " Aaah!" " Brutus!" "[Speaking Japanese]" " [Barks]" " Aaah!" "Brutus!" "Come here!" "Brutus!" " Oh!" " Aaaah!" "Oh, Mark!" "Oh!" "[Brutus continues barking]" "Oh, don't stand there!" "Do something!" "Stop him!" "Brutus!" "Come here, Brutus!" "Come here!" "Brutus!" "Brutus!" "Excuse... me." "[Continues barking]" "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "[Grunts]" "Aaah!" " Aaah!" "Aaah!" " Aaah!" "Oh, Mark!" "[Kenji shouting in Japanese]" "[Shouting continues]" "Aaaah!" "Aaah!" "Whoa, boy!" "Whoa, boy!" "Whoa!" " Brutus, stop!" " Oh, stop him!" "Aaaah!" "Brutus!" "[Barking continues]" "What a dog." "[Indistinct shouting]" "What's the matter with you, Garrison?" "Can't you control your dog?" "Well..." "Brutus!" " Hold it!" " Aaah!" "Come on, stop!" "Brutus, come here!" " Mark!" " I'm trying!" "Brutus?" "!" "Here, boy!" "Here, boy!" "Mr. Chadwick!" "Mr. Chadwick, just grab my hand!" "Mrs. Ga..." "Ugh!" "Aaah!" "[Women screaming]" "[Plays off-key]" "Fran!" " Fran, you okay, honey?" " [Coughing]" "Oh..." "Mark!" "Now, here we go." "Ugh!" "Mark!" "Fran, I..." "I really am sorry about this." "I..." " Mark!" " I really am, honey." " Mark!" " Fran?" " Mark!" " Fran!" "[Whimpers]" "I wish you hadn't done that, Brutus." "[Growls softly]" "[Telephone ringing]" "Oh, Brutus..." "Knock it off, will you?" "!" "Stay!" "Now, knock it off, Brutus." "That goes for all of you." "[Barking]" "[Continues barking]" "Who was that?" "Where?" "On the telephone." "Toyama." "Oh." "When is he coming to clean up?" "He isn't." " Oh." " Neither is Kenji." "In fact, the entire Japanese-American community has declared our house a disaster area." "[Chuckles]" "Well, when is he coming for his junk?" "It is now our junk." "What?" "$325 worth of Japanese lanterns, broken hibachis, and papier-mâché pagodas." "That, in addition to what we'll undoubtedly have to pay for ruined clothes, medication, and the shattered nerves of all our ex-friends and neighbors." "Yeah, okay." "The telephone has not stopped ringing." "Mel Chadwick is on the verge of pneumonia," "Jane Felton had a nervous breakdown, and the drugstore has run out of vaporizers." "Yeah, okay." "All right." " Mark." " [Dogs whimpering]" "Mark, I think you should know that I called Dr. Pruitt this morning." "To tell him what?" "To tell him that you will be returning Brutus this afternoon." "Returning Brutus?" "!" "My mind is made up." "That dog turned vicious." " He goes or else." " Or else what?" "Listen here, he was absolutely blameless for what happened last night, Fran!" "Oh-ho-ho, blameless?" "!" "Brutus is a kind, lovable, intelligent animal!" " [Barking]" " Ah, shut up, you idiot." "[Whimpering]" "Now, listen, Fran, let's sit down and calmly and coolly discuss this thing!" "[Barking]" "[Growls softly, barking]" "[Vehicle approaching]" "[Whirring]" "Ah, good morning, Brutus." "Up kind of early, ain't you?" "Oh, now, did you make this mess?" "You ought to be ashamed of yourself." "[Grunts]" "[Panting]" "You shouldn't eat this stuff." "It ain't good for you." "Looks like it was quite a party." "[Grunting]" "[Barking]" "Hey, what did you do... lose a bone in there or something?" "Come on, get down." "There's nothing for you in there." "Attaboy." "[Whimpering]" "[Grunts, chuckles]" "[Barking]" "[Whirring]" "[Barking]" "Sorry, pal." "Whatever it is you wanted is gone now." "[Growling]" "[Barking]" "Come on!" "This is no time for games." "Hey, what's..." "what's the matter with you?" "It's me..." "Eddie." "Say..." "What's the matter..." "you sick or something?" "Knock it off." "Mr. Garrison!" "Take it easy, now, will you?" "Mr. Garrison!" " Eddie, what's wrong?" " Call off your dog." " He's gone crazy or something!" " Brutus, get back." " Mark!" " Please, ma'am, do something!" " Mark!" " All I did was empty the trash." " What's the matter?" " Brutus attacked Eddie." "Attacked Eddie?" "Come here, Brutus!" " He went loony!" " Do something!" "Brutus, what's the matter with you, huh?" " What's the matter?" " What is it, Mark?" "Look, Mr. Garrison, you're nice people, but I don't have to take this." " That's enough." " I'm very sorry, Eddie." "I'm sure there must be some reason for it." "[Eddie grunts]" "[Chloe whimpers]" "Brutus, come here." " Mark, do you hear something?" " What's the matter, boy?" "Where's Chloe?" "Eddie, did you see Chloe?" "No, ma'am, I didn't." " FRAN:" "Chloe?" "Chloe?" " [Chloe whimpers]" "Hey, you don't suppose..." "Hey, hold Brutus, Eddie." "Hold him." "Mark, be careful." " Mark!" " Aaah!" " Mark!" " [Muffled shouting]" "Mark, be careful!" " Aaah!" " [Thud]" "Mark!" "Is she in there, Mark?" "I don't know." " Oh, poor Chloe." " EDDIE: [Laughs] Look at her." "She's okay." "[Laughs]" "She's all right, Fran." "Oh, look at her!" "Oh, my poor baby!" "Hey, you know something..." "I'll bet you that's why Brutus wouldn't let me in the truck." "He knew that little pooch was in there." "It kind of looks that way, doesn't it?" "Poor Brutus." "I bet your silly father forgot to give you breakfast." "Come on, I'll give you a couple of eggs." "Oh, boy." "Oh, excuse me." "Okay, take five." "Ahh." "Come on, girls." "Come on. [Smooches]" "Come on." "Come on." "Ooh, ooh, there's my beautiful Chloe, yes." "Yes, what's the matter... you want your picture painted, too, huh?" "Is that what it is?" "Oh, will you get off, you big..." "Fran, he just wants his share." "Come here, Brutus." "Come, boy." "Come here." "Ah, whoa!" "Mark, he has got to learn that he is not a lapdog." "Now, we're not gonna have any peace in this house till he realizes he is not a dachshund." "Well, I don't think that he thinks that... that..." "You know, Fran, you could be right." "[Panting]" "Go on, girls." "Go on." "Go on." "Go on." "Scatter." "Scatter." "What have you got there?" "It's the dog book." "I'm gonna show Brutus who he is." "Oh, Mark!" "Well, it's our fault." "We never told him." "You pay attention to this, Brutus." "This is important." "Brutus, now, you look here." "Look... this is a dachshund." "See that?" "They're dachshunds." "You're not a dachshund, and you never will be." "No, no, no." "Dachshund... pooey." "Oh, really?" "Now, let's not get so carried away." "Play along with this a minute, will you?" "Now, stick with me, Brutus." "Stay with me, boy, huh?" "Now..." "Ahh..." "Now, here's what you are, Brutus..." " [Whimpers] ...a Great Dane." "A Great Dane." "Dachshunds... no." "Danes... yes." "You are a Great Dane." "Look at that." "You see that?" "That's all there was to it." "He just had to be shown." "How about that?" "You know, he took one look at that picture, one look, and I could tell that he..." "Uh, Mark..." "[Whimpers]" "MARK: . ." "That he still thinks he's a dachshund." "[Laughs] Aw." ""Dachshund... phooey." "Great Dane... yes."" "[Laughs] Poor Mark." "Aw." "[Barking]" "Heel, boy." "Brutus, heel!" "Look, fella, when I tell you to heel, you heel." "Heel." "[Laughs] Well, who's leading who?" "Hi, Doc." " Hi, Brutus." " Heel, Brutus." "Heel." "Hey, what's the diagnosis on Chloe?" "Chloe has a rash." "A rash." "Well, well, well." "Your wife was sure it was scarlet fever, but it's just a minor skin irritation." "No problem." "Yeah, that dog show's got her tied up in knots." "I hope she's gonna make it through the next six days." "Hope I do." "All right, Brutus... stay." "How about that, huh?" "Want a drink, Doc?" "Uh, no, thank you." "No, thank you." "Brutus, let me have a look at you." "I tell you..." "you're absolutely marvelous." "You've kept him in fine shape, Mark." "Trying to teach him obedience is keeping me in shape." "Fine lines, nice, square head..." "He's grown up just the way I figured." "Make a fine show dog." "Oh, come on, Doc." "No, no, I mean it." "I'd like to work with him if you let me." "No, no, no." "Teach him ring manners, stance, huh?" "No, one in the family's enough." "In fact, it's too much." "All I want him to do is learn how to walk around on this leash without jerking my arm out of the socket." "Hey, stick around a minute, will you?" "I want you to see if I'm doing anything wrong." "Okay." "All right, Brutus... heel." "How about that, huh?" "[Laughing]" "FRAN:" "Doc!" "Uh, Doc Pruitt!" "Oh, Doc Pruitt, do you think I could take Chloe for a walk?" "Why, of course." "Well, you know, that irritation..." "I was wondering..." "it could be an allergy." "Maybe it's something around here." "I assure you, Mrs. Garrison, it's nothing serious." "Heel now." "Heel." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, sit down." "Now, come on, Brutus, sit." "Mark... what in the world are you doing?" "Well, I'm training him." "[Chuckles]" "Sit down." "Sit down." "[Laughing] Oh, really?" "What do you mean, "Oh, really?"" "Well, it's just that Brutus is... well, really, uh..." "Fran, you know, when you say "really" in that tone of voice, you usually really mean something by it." "Oh, Mark, don't be so sensitive." "It's just that Brutus is a sweet, clumsy ox, and I don't think you should expect too much from him, that's all." "Come on, Chloe." "Heel." "I'll be seeing you." "Doc..." "You got a deal." "Get him ready for that show." "Oh, hold on, Mark." "Now, that show is only six days away." "Now, wait a minute..." "it was your idea, you know." "You said he was good enough." "Yeah, I know, but, uh..." "What about that blue ribbon you've been talking about?" "No, no, no." "It's impossible, impossible." "Then you'll do it?" "Of course I will." "All right." "Now, one thing, Doc..." "don't tell my wife, hmm?" "Mark, under these conditions, I wouldn't tell anybody." "I wouldn't even tell my mother." "Have a good night's sleep, Brutus." "Brutus, all right, Brutus, you understand?" "Wait." "Wait a minute." "All right, now..." "Now, remember, you hold the leash in one hand." "Yeah." "The important thing is that you are in control of the dog." "Right." "Now, let's try it now." "Nice and easy, huh?" "Okay." "Brutus, heel." "Hold him." "Hold him." "Hold him." "Hold him now." "Nice and easy, huh?" "Mark, if you..." "Keep control of the dog at all times." "You can do it." "[No audio]" "Stay." "Well, what do you think, Doc?" "[Sighs] I don't know." "I don't know." "He's not consistent." "There should be a proud look to him, a Dane look." "Sometimes he's fine, and then he seems to lose his character." "Well, that's the old dachsie influence." "He still thinks he's one of them." "Oh?" "And so all we've got to do now is to figure out a way to persuade him that he's a Great Dane." "That's right, Doc." "That's right." "By tomorrow." "[Indistinct conversations]" "[Dogs barking]" "[Barking]" "Keep him still, will you, Mark?" "Yeah, okay, Doc." "Hey, are you sure Fran's not gonna come in here?" "No." "The dachsies are benched clear over the other side of the building." "Yes, okay." "[Whimpers]" "[Barking]" "Come on, boy." "Come on." "Hold still, will you?" "Doggone it." "Now, just relax, boy." "They're dogs, just like you are." "Well, now, let's see." "Let's see." "Now, you're as ready as you ever will be, Brutus." " Doc, down." "Quick." " Huh?" "What?" " Down!" " What?" "What's the matter?" "It's Fran." "Well, what's she doing over here?" " I don't know, but..." " She belongs with the hounds." "FRAN:" "Oh, thank you." "[Barks]" "[Whimpers]" "Boy, that was close." "[Chuckles] Well, you won't be able to duck her for long." "Just long enough to win that blue ribbon, Doc... that's all I want." "MAN ON P.A:" "Great Danes to the ring, please." "Great Danes to the ring." "Well, here's your chance." " Yeah, thanks, Doc." " Good luck." "Thank you." "Head up, boy." "Oh, here they come." "Any last words of advice, Doc?" "Nope." "You're on your own." "Good luck." "[Mumbles]" "Hi." "[Whimpers]" "Mark." "Walk your dogs, please." "Heel." "Oh, excuse me." "Nice dog." "Oh." "Look, sweetie-kins, those are Great Danes." "Oh." "Up!" "Up!" "Up!" "Up!" "Up!" "Up!" "Up!" "Oh." "[Laughter]" "Up, Brutus, up." "Stand up." "Come on, fella, stand up." "Just a minute!" "Hold everything!" "That dog sick or just tired?" "Oh, no." "No, no, no, no." "It's, uh..." "it's stage fright." " Stage fright?" " Yeah, yeah." "Yeah." " Hey, what happened to him?" " I don't know." "Must've got the idea he was a dachsie again." "JUDGE:" "Stack your dogs, please." "Head up, boy." "Head up." "Mark." "Mark." "[Laughter]" "There's no sense hanging around." "I might as well go home now." "No, no." "You've got to stick it out." "Hey, look at him." "Doc?" "DR. PRUITT:" "Well..." "Now, that's what I call a Great Dane." "Make a deal with you." "What's that?" "Won't have you thrown out if you tell me how you managed it." " Managed what?" " Switching dogs." "Swit... well, I didn't!" "Expect me to believe that's the same dog?" "Well, it's..." "little hard for me to believe myself." " [Chuckles] - [Groans]" "Now, don't worry, Mark." "You're doing fine." "Hey, Doc, this is making me a nervous wreck." "What got into Brutus, anyway?" "Well, he just got a look at that other Dane over there... that female." "She's waiting to be judged for best of breed." "You mean just because he saw her, he..." "Dogs are just like people." "Takes a female to make a fella want to show off." "Yeah." "Well, he's sure showing off now, isn't he, Doc?" "JUDGE:" "All right, that's it." "You and you." "What?" "Walk your dogs again, both of you." "Oh." "Yes, sir." "Heel, Brutus." "Run your dog!" "Well, of all the..." "Really, uh..." "I'm so sorry." "It slipped." "That's enough." "[Applause]" " That's enough!" " Yes, sir." "You sure had me fooled the first time around." " Congratulations." " Thank you." "Fine dog." " Just wait over there." " Okay." "Thank you very much." "Thank you." "Good girl." "Good girl." "Whoa, that's my boy!" "I knew it." "It was yours all the way." "Thank you, Doc." "He's such a good dog." " I'm proud of you, yes." " How about that?" "Listen, take over for me, will you?" "Here, hang on to Brutus for me." "Huh?" "Why?" "Where are you going?" "I'm gonna find Fran and wave this under her cute little nose," " That's where I'm going." " No, no, you can't leave now." "Why not?" "I won, didn't I?" "Only for male Danes, yeah." "Now he's got to be judged against this female for the best of breed, then there's working class..." "I've got what I want." "Here, take over for me." "Uh, Mark!" "I c..." "You, uh... hold that, will you, please?" "Thanks very much." "[Indistinct conversations]" "Hey, Fran." "Mark, you did come." " You bet your life I..." " Ooh. [Chuckles]" "I wouldn't miss this for anything." "Oh, don't rub it in." "What?" "Well, you saw... second place, after all I went through." "After all I put you through." "Hey, I really am sorry, Fran." "I really am." "No, Mark, I am..." "about everything." "Why don't we go home?" "I don't like public confessions, huh?" "Yeah." "Let's go home." "What's that?" "What's what?" "Mark, are you hiding something?" "Well, it's a, uh..." "I picked it up in there." "Mark, that's a blue ribbon." "They're very valuable." "You can't just go around picking up blue ribbons." " Now, you put it back." " Fran..." "MAN ON P. A:" "Working class... best of winners to the ring, please." "Best of winners." "Hey, you don't suppose that..." "Come on." " Mark!" " No, come on." "Mark?" "Mark?" "Why are you carrying..." "Mark?" "Brutus?" "Surprised?" "Oh-ho-ho." "Best of breed." "Onward and upward, Doc." "Mark, you never told me!" "I'm sorry, honey, it was childish of me," "When you didn't win, I didn't have the heart to tell you." "Oh, you sweet, wonderful boob, I love you." "[Barks]" "Will you be quiet and watch your brother?" "Ta-da!" "[Laughs] You know, Mark... it's too bad Brutus didn't do better in the working group." "Look, third place was just fine." "We got a matched set from the bottom right to the top." "How does it look, huh?" "Oh, that's perfect." "Mark, where's the other blue ribbon?" "Oh, I gave it to Doc Pruitt." "Boy, did he deserve it." "Honey, I'm sorry it was such a disappointing day for you." "Oh, don't be silly, Mark." "At least it's ending better than it began, huh?" "I'll make a deal with you." " You will?" "What?" " Mm-hmm." "No more dog shows." "No more dog shows." "No, okay, no more blue ribbons." "No more blue ribbons." "I'll work." "You keep house." "Mmm." "Okay, all we'll raise are... ordinary, everyday dogs." "Among other things, hmm?" "[Chuckles]" "[Whimpering]" "Brutus... be quiet, will you?" "Mark, he's dreaming." "Yeah... about that bewitching female in the spotted coat," "I'll bet you." "Do you think that's why he really won, Mark, huh?" "You think the female made the difference?" "Honey... females always make the difference." "[Barks]"