"Are you sure you don't want to go to a real restaurant?" "No!" "This food cart is great!" "Look at this guy." "He used to be a man once." "What is that supposed to mean?" "Don't you want what he has someday?" "A family, a wife, children?" "Lemon..." "You're a woman." "Of course I am." "That doctor was a quack." "I don't even know why my parents listened to him." "I need advice." "Elisa is coming by this afternoon to, uh... talk about us." "Oh..." "Ladies are such a bummer." "Where is this going?" "How serious are we?" "Why don't you listen to my story about my friend?" "Well, where is it going?" "Ladies like to know what that next step is." "They..." "We can't help ourselves." "Oh, believe me, Lemon, I want to take that next step." "You mean like marriage?" "No, the one before that." "Moving in together?" "That's huge." "No, the thing you do before that." "Think you in the mid '90s." "You haven't had sex?" "Sh!" "Elisa had a very strict, very religious upbringing." "She does not take that step lightly." "We have, of course... pleasured one another." "No." "Stop." "I will leave." "But she wants me to make some kind of commitment before we go forward." "Obviously, I care about her a lot." "But she keeps confusing me with this ridiculous notion that, uh, sex and love are somehow connected." "Okay, two things." "One, be honest." "If this is a big deal to her, do not take that next step unless you are sure." "And second, and more importantly, in 2009, I have done it two more times than you!" "Give it up!" "What, what!" "Whoo!" "Do not leave a brother hanging!" "Whoo!" "Hey, uh..." "You ready for Larry King Live tonight?" "You know it." "I cursed for three hours straight just to get it out of my system, you dumb bitch." "Oh, no." "Listen, we have a request." "Can you please try to remember to talk about T.G.S. tonight?" "You only have to plug it once." "T.G.S. Fridays at 10:30 on N.B.C." "You got it. "N.G.S. " Fridays at "C-30" on "T. B. 10"." "Thank you." "Well, it says you're calling me." "How is that possible?" "Hello?" "This phone was left in my cab by a woman wearing the shirt of a man." "Oh." "You left your phone in his car." "Hi, I'm Liz." "You have my phone?" "Yes." "This is Asif." "I am at Queens Taxi dispatch in Long Island City." "You come." "Yes." "I will." "Thank you." "Hey." "Why do you have Tracy Jordan's phone number in your address book?" "I work with him." "If you want, I could bring a signed photo." "You bring me $800, rich lady." "Or I throw the phone away." "What?" "Oh." "Yeah." "I'll definitely do that." "On "Opposite Day"." "I'm new to this country." "Is that a real thing?" "Hi, baby." "I got you something to remember me while I'm in Puerto Rico." "It's a caricature of me on a skateboard." "So, I guess you're still planning on taking your trip?" "Well, I've been going home every winter for the last 15 years." "I guess I could consider staying... if I knew where this was going." "And the woman talk begins." "Well played." "Look, you know I'm serious about us." "We're great together." "We're Jack and Elisa. "Jalisa"." "That's really lame, Jack." "Yeah, that was just a joke." "I don't want to get all Marc Anthony on you." "But I need to know how you feel." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you too, Jack Donaghy." "Then you'll stay?" "Okay, I'll stay." "But if I have to give up my trip, then I want us to spend that time together." "Just us. "Jalisa"." "Jonathan?" "Clear my schedule for next week, starting with tonight." "You won't be coming in at all?" "But what about "Jackonathan"?" "I think tonight is going to be a very special night." "If you know what I mean." "I think I do." "Don't forget your skateboard." "But then, he scores a basket, even though he's not a wolf anymore." "We're here with Tracy Jordan, who just recounted, by the way, the entire plot of the movie "Teen Wolf"." "What?" "Oh, hold on, Tracy." "My producers are telling me there is breaking news." "The Asian financial markets have just opened to a huge sell-off." "And we're going to switch to that story right now." "Good." "I'm glad I'm here." "Your thoughts, Tracy Jordan, on how this is going to impact Wall Street." "Larry, I'm not an expert." "But I do have a strong opinion." "New York as we know it will no longer exist tomorrow." "Expand on that." "Look." "I grew up here, Larry." "In the days before Starbuck." "And if Wall Street crashes, it will be the 1 970s all over again." "People will get mean." "The streets won't be safe." "It will be graffiti everywhere." "And the movies will only cost $3." "Tracy Jordan." "Saying three serious things, and then, a joke." "Oh." "Jack." "Have you taken a gander at the Asian markets?" "The "CHUFFA Volatility Index" is off the charts." "Well, good luck with that, Jorgenson." "But I'm on vacation now." "But..." "I have these papers." "Hey, Jack." "How you doing?" "Like a lion ready to take its mate." "How are you calling me?" "Ugh." "I lost my phone and this jagweed cabbie has it." "Hey, stop harassing my friends, Asif." "Hey..." "Liz..." "Just wanted to let you know that, uh," "I found that special picture that you took with your phone." "What picture?" "Oh, my God." "Yes." "That one." "There's a picture on my phone." "An adult picture." "Of me." "What?" "Drew took it as a joke." "I'm making a face like this." "Like..." "Why am I telling you this?" "Top and bottom?" "May I speak with Asif?" "No." "Okay." "What do you want?" "$2,000 cash." "Or I email the picture to everyone in your address book." "Have you been to Asia, Tracy?" "Uh, my work has taken me there." "I was supposed to be in that movie Rush Hour, but two weeks into shooting," "I was replaced by Jackie Chan." "Okay." "I'm going to get my phone." "You're going to pay that guy?" "Well, you know, I need my address book and stuff." "But I'm not going alone to meet some creep at a taxi garage." "Will one of you guys go with me?" " No, ma'am." " Good luck." "I would, but I don't want to." "I will escort you, Miss Lemon." "We pages are accustomed to danger." "Thank you, Kenneth." "Can you leave now?" "This place is in Queens." "Oh, Miss Lemon, I can't leave Manhattan on page business." "N.B.C. 's insurance doesn't cover it." "I'll have to do this as a friend." "Okay." "Fine." "Say it." "Say I'm your friend." "Fine." "You're my friend, Kenneth." "Let's go." "The Mumbai Stock Exchange is now down in early trading." "Is this panic becoming global?" "Tracy Jordan, talk us through this.." "Larry, what everyone needs to do is just take a deep breath, calm down, and start preparing their bodies for the "Thunderdome"." "That is the new law." "That's my T.V.!" "This is as far as we can get by subway." "We need to find a cab." "Boy, Miss Lemon." "This is a pretty bad neighborhood." "Oh, I just got tagged!" "Ugh." "Mr. Jordan and Mr. Larry King are right." "New York is not safe anymore." "And I am not risking your life for a cell phone." "It's not just the phone, Kenneth." "It's what's on it." "I don't understand." "What could be so important?" "It wasn't something of sentimental value, was it?" "Yes." "Very sentimental." "It's... a song." "A lullaby that my Nana Lemon used to sing to me every night." "Oh, was it "The Day is Done, My Sweet, For The Lambs Have Been Decapitated"?" "No." "It was a German song." "She was German." "And my Nana got very sick recently." "And I went to visit her, and I had her sing it for me one final time." "I recorded that song on my phone." "And I'm glad that I did, because..." "she died a few hours later." "It was my birthday." "Miss Lemon, I am so sorry." "Would you sing it for me?" "Stop." "Now that I know the reason we are doing this is not only moral, but beautiful... then I will not rest until I get my friend her phone." "Okay." "Come on." "That was amazing." "Thank you." "I watched an American Masters last night about Baryshnikov." "I... picked up a couple of ideas." "Our sushi." "No, no, no, no, no." "I'll get it." "You'll need your rest." "We're going again in 15." "Jack, you've got company." "Jack, why aren't you answering your phones?" "What are you doing here?" "People are freaking out about this Asia thing, and we can't find Geiss!" "He's AWOL." "Now everyone's looking to you, Jack." "I don't care what's going on out there." "I'm staying here." "There are some things more important than a stock quote crawling across a screen." "I am in love with this magnificent woman." "And there is no amount of money this company could lose that would cause me to..." "Yes, that's the amount." "I'll get dressed right now." "Bill Hewitt, Undersecretary of the Treasury." "What advice can you give our viewers in these uncertain times?" "The worst thing you can do at a time like this is to pull out your investments." "Don't panic, because..." "Devil's avocado, here, Larry..." "I think people should freak the geek out!" "Withdraw all your money and hide it." "Interesting strategy." "It's what I've always done." "I hide cash everywhere." "At home, at church, even at work!" "In fact, I've hidden so much money that if some of it was gone," "I probably wouldn't even notice." "Now, why would you say that?" "I don't know." "Don't worry, Miss Lemon." "I'll protect you." "Oh." "It's just kids." "Hey!" "Bad young man!" "Shame on..." "What is going on with people!" "They took my wallet." "Oh..." "Was this your Nana Lemon?" "Yeah." "She's the one we're doing this for." "She's dead." "Come on." "Wait." "Why is she wearing these glasses?" "This is from New Year's, but you said she died on your birthday." "That's in November." "No, that's not a New Year's thing." "That's the year she wanted to live to." "She didn't make it." "Sing that lullaby again." "Keep going." "I knew it!" "That's "99 Red Balloons"." "Nena's famous anti-balloon protest song." "You lied to me." "Yeah." "All right." "I lied." "So what?" "You want the truth, Kenneth?" "You want the truth?" "I can't handle the truth!" "There is an adult picture of me on that phone!" "Adult?" "You mean, like, you're driving a car or wearing a suit?" "It's a boobies picture, Kenneth!" "And I only kept it because, for once, they were both pointing in the same direction!" "I knew you wouldn't help me if I told you the truth." "So you lied to me?" "That's not something that friends do to each other." "Well, then, maybe we're not friends!" "But we are." "You said so before we left." "You made me say that!" "Oh." "Well, then, I guess I'm here as a page, and in violation of N.B.C. 's insurance policy." "I should probably head back to Manhattan." "Good!" "I don't need you!" "Co- worker!" "Did you get a hold of Geiss?" "No." "Did you try his mistress?" "Not there." "How about his "manstress"?" "Nothing." "I think we should listen to Tracy Jordan and panic, sir." "What?" "I'm saying the "Disneyfication" of New York is over, everyone." "At the stroke of midnight, your Lexus is going to turn back into a hot pile of rats fighting over a human finger." "Joining us on the phone is G.E. Vice President, Jack Donaghy." "Jack, what's your outlook on all of this?" "I just want to preach caution, Larry." "If there were anything to worry about, I would be at my office... instead of at home right now with my..." "beautiful girlfriend." "She's Latin." "Expand on that." "Look, my point is that some of the things that Tracy is saying are just fanning the flames." "Hang on." "I know Jack Donaghy." "And that is an impostor." "Hang up!" "Hang up on him, Larry!" "I'm going to." "But not because you told me." "Lincoln, Nebraska, you are on the air." "So is this what you'd rather be doing instead of spending time with me?" "It smells like dude in here." "I tried to call you." "Why didn't you pick up?" "Because I'm sick of listening to you." ""Oh I love you, Elisa."" "This was all just another Jack Donaghy lie." "Like when you said you could dunk a basketball?" "I can on a regulation hoop." "Look, this is an emergency." "If I'm not here tonight..." "What?" "What's going to happen?" "People are going to die?" "No." "You'll all just get poor like the rest of us." "You'll eat cereal that comes in a bag, and you'll keep the free hand wipes from the casino." "You might even have to spend some time with your children." "Who is this woman?" "Why isn't someone shutting her up?" "Uh..." "Uh, why don't you just go back to my apartment, and I will meet you there? "E"..." "Eventually." "Don't worry about it." "I'm going to Puerto Rico!" "Elisa, don't do that." "You don't understand." "What's happening here is a once in a lifetime thing." "So am I." "Boy, that was kind of neat how she just... woop... flipped your words around on you there." "Sorry." "Forget it." "We're never going to find Tracy's money." "There's something under here!" "Oh..." "It's nothing but a bunch of tarantula food." "What?" "I didn't even know Tracy had a tarantula." "You know what?" "There's an easier way to do this." "Our next caller is Pete from Manhattan." "Pete, what's your question?" "Hey Larry." "First time caller." "Adore the show." "Hey, I'd recognize that voice anywhere, Larry!" "That's my friend, Peter Frampton, on the phone!" "Uh... sure." "Listen, Tracy." "I love the idea of hiding cash at work." "Can you be more specific about where you hid your money?" "Of course, Pete!" "I hid my money in the safest place at 30 Rock." "Without giving it away, the place I picked is very dry and warm." "Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft." "And although the location changes all the time, the money stays in the same place." "If you're just joining us, we're with Tracy Jordan, who is giving guitar icon Peter Frampton enigmatic clues about a secret treasure." "Stay with us." "Mr. Donaghy." "This just arrived." "It's from Mr. Geiss." "Everything's going to be alright." "Geiss is back." "Jonathan?" "Can we even play this thing?" "Oh, yes." "I keep a V.C.R. so I can watch your old football tapes." "Jonathan, what is that camcorder for?" "Nothing." "I don't know." "Hello." "If you are watching this, you are an executive of the General Electric Corporation and the unthinkable is happening." "Capitalism is ending, either because of the Soviets or something ridiculous like a woman President." "God, he looks so young." "I'm speaking to you in the year 1987, but my message is timeless." "Avoid... the Noid." "We've all worked hard, but now, it's over." "There's only one thing for you to do." "Go to your loved ones." "Hold them close." "Because in the end... and if you're watching this, it is the end..." "Iove is all that matters." "Now, how am I going to turn this damn thing off?" "What's that gizmo?" "Elisa?" "I was about to do the whole run to the airport thing," "like Ross did on Friends and Liz Lemon did in real life." "What are you doing here?" "The taxis want $500 to go to J.F.K. and the buses are worse." "Everything's gone cocoa for "cuckoo-poops"." "Is that right?" "Elisa, listen to me." "I meant everything I said, but I know that that's just words." "You want commitment?" "Here it is..." "Let's get married." "Jack." "I love you, Elisa." "And I don't want to be with anyone else." "Okay." "But I want a ring so big that it gives me back problems." "That's my phone." "I'm Liz Lemon." "Where's the $2,000?" "I don't have it." "I lost all my money and my bank cards and my retainer." "Geez." "Please, Asif." "Give me my phone." "Maybe you could call a friend to get the money." "Oh, wait." "Every number in this address book is a work number." "Work number, work number, work number..." "You have no friends." "Yes." "I. Am." "Okay." "You have $2,000?" "No." "I'm going to watch T.V. until you come up with my money." "Maybe you'll get it through sex trade." "You are a very pretty, young thing." "You're disgusting." "I'm not talking to you." "Frank, calm down!" "It's not in here!" "This isn't about the money!" "This is about my own issues with Liz!" "Stop it!" "We have Peter Frampton on the phone again." "Come on, Tracy." "Just tell us where the money is." "Where's the safest place in 30 Rock?" "Is that Pete?" "I already told you." "It's dry and warm." "Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft." "And although the location changes it's always in the same place." "There's nothing like that in 30 Rock!" "Nothing!" "I never said it was a thing." "It's me." "I am the safest place in 30 Rock." "I would thank you to give the lady its cell phone back." "Thank you for coming back, Kenneth." "You're a good friend." "You mean it?" "Yes." "Because I'm having an asbestos removal party at my apartment on Sunday." "And..." "Yeah, I'm in." "Now that the U.S. markets have opened unaffected by the Asian meltdown, many people are blaming the panic in New York last night on one man." "Tracy Jordan." "He is here with me now." "Tracy, a lot of people are calling you a "fearmonger"." "And, I am quoting here," ""an idiot"." "What do you have to say for yourself?" "Watch T.G.S. Fridays at 10:30 on N.B.C.!" "Word!" "Morning, Jonathan." "Good morning, sir." "Crazy night last night." "Lots of emotions." "People getting carried away." "Yes, it was a crazy night." "Uh, is Elisa here?" "We're having a couples' spa day." "She came by earlier." "She asked me to give you this." "She said to just press "play"." "Hi, Jack." "I'm on my way to Puerto Rico." "I'm sorry." "Yesterday was crazy." "Lots of emotion." "I think maybe you asked me what you asked me out of panic." "So..." "I'm going to go see my family and... give us both a chance to think about everything." "Okay." "I'll call you." "Adios, mi amor." "Now, how do you turn this damn thing off?" "No!" "That's personal."