"Let's see if the van needs help." "It's been helped." "The tag?" "Oh, I didn't see it." "It's a good thing this is training day." "You can use it." "Yeah, good chance to sleep through one of Getraer's slide shows." "Here we go again." "7 David, this is 7 Mary 3 request assistance for an 11-82 Hazelton and Olympic." "7 Mary 3, 7 David in two." "Hold it up." "Hold it right there." "Folks, nothing more here." "Please get in your cars and move it out, please." "Okay, come on out." "I said, out." "Good morning, officer." "If you and your frat brothers keep this up, you might get the real thing." "You can lose them." "Let's pour it on." "Are you kidding?" "This tank runs on embalming fluid." "The cops are coming, man." " Step on it." " I suggest you go faster." "Do you wanna drive?" "Do you wanna drive?" "Step out of the vehicle, please." "Get in front of the car." "Out of the vehicle." "Out of the vehicle." "You know you guys just arrived at your own funeral." "Turn around." "Jon, you see the look on those guys' faces when the booking sergeant called their dean?" "Yeah, I don't think L.A. Will see that hearse around here for a while." "Hey, Ponch, check this out." "And if he tells us he's only going one way, I'll write him two cites." "Hey, pull o..." "You take him, Jon." "I thought this was your out." "Just take him, okay?" "Okay?" "Officers, I find this extremely regrettable." "But I have an explanation." " Jon, talk to the man, please." " Okay, Ponch." "Ponch?" "Say, is that...?" "Is that you, Francis?" "Francis Llewellyn Poncherello?" "Oh, Llewellyn." "I love it." "That's what the L stands for, huh?" "Well, it must be you." "There's only room in the world for one." "But look at you." "It's nice to see you again." "Well, I'm not so sure, Francis." "I would have chosen a more fortuitous reunion." "Hey, Llewellyn, are you gonna introduce me to your friend?" " Mr. Singleton, sir, this is Officer..." " Jon Baker." "Jon, this is Mr. Singleton." "The principal of Poly High." " Your alma mater?" " Yes." "As often as the truant officers could catch him." "I must say, I never expected to see you on that side of the law." "I still remember the number of probations you had." "Probation, huh?" " Yeah, I guess we had a few run-ins." " A few?" "You set the school all-time record for visits to my office." "Wait a minute." "You told me you set the all-time school record for basketball." "What's happened to you, Francis?" "Have you turned over a new leaf?" "I mean, we must have done a great deal for you at Poly High." "Yes, sir, I guess you did." "And I'm sure you're still grateful for our continued interest in your welfare?" "Yes, sir, I am." "But I still have to tell you, you were violating the law just now." "I've got a great deal on my mind." "For instance, the current crop of Francis Poncherellos." "That's about the best excuse I've ever heard." "Francis are you going to write me a ticket?" "Yes." "Mr. Singleton." "Sir?" "Good." "Good." "You did learn from us." "You're a fine man." "I never thought I'd say this but I'm proud of you." "Now, write the ticket." "Yes, sir." "Say, how's his spelling these days?" "What?" "Oh, it's..." "I see." "No improvement." "Now, these meters were installed last week." "Caltrans expects to install more next week along the San Bernardino." "Okay." "Enough for metering on-ramp stop lights." "Wanna take the screen down, please?" "All right, any questions?" "Baker, Poncherello?" " So when the sequence of the meters..." " Let me ask Getraer." "Do we understand you correctly?" "When it's red, we stop, green, we go?" "Sit." "Okay." "One last word about the freeway burglar." "The sheriff's office says he hit again and cleaned out a residence along the San Berdoo." "Is he still parking on the freeway?" "Yeah." "The sheriff's office thinks he's making it look like his car is B.O." "That's why we've been overlooking it." "Wait a minute." "You mean he's tagging himself?" "Yeah." "We're gonna have to double-check all disableds until we put the finger on this guy." "We gotta check every tagged car we see?" "Only you, Poncherello." "The rest of us will be checking out vans and trucks since all he's been stealing is TVs and other big stuff." "Okay." "Take it." "L.A. To the Ventura Freeway Unit:" "There's a traffic tie-up at the Ventura-Glendale Interchange." "If there are units available, identify clearly." "Leslie, breathe out." "Come on, Gretchen, give me some stuff, yeah." "All right, baby, relate to me." "Come on." "Yeah, good." "Okay, come on." "Okay." "Everybody, come on." "Give it to me." "All at once, let's have it." "Okay." "Okay, give me a little more." "Have you ever seen a happier traffic jam?" "You know, I..." "I wo..." "Oh, no." "There's your answer." "You know, if Getraer would have known this, he wouldn't have sent you." "Yeah, he would have come himself." "Hey, move it." "I'm moving, officer." "I'm moving." "Faster." " Can you blame him?" " No." "Come on." "Hey." "Hey, I'll take the girls, you take the teamster." "What?" "The girls would stand around admiring you." "We'd never get this straightened out." "I'll tell you what, let's flip a coin, all right, huh?" "Okay." "Sorry, partner, you take the trucker." "You're a real killjoy, you know that?" "What can I say?" "Now, girls, a little more charm." "A little more form." "Susan." "Susan, give me some ballet." "Yeah, that's it." "Okay." "More." "Arch your back, will you?" "Okay." "Now, smile." "Oh, yeah, yeah, I like that." "Good." "Good." "Okay, give me some more." "Come on, show us you love it." "Thattagirl." "Sir, do you think maybe I can see your permit?" "A permit?" "On public property?" "Surely, you jest." " Sir, your permit." " I don't have one." "You're gonna have to move." "You're tying up traffic." "I am not responsible for the animal instincts of commuters." "Hold it, friend." "You can't park there." "Oh, what's the big deal?" "They ain't going anyplace." "Besides, my view from back there was lousy." "I'm sorry, next time I'll try to get you a better seat." " But..." " Hey." "Towing a semi costs about $ 100 these days." "Come on, listen, I told you we got the traffic tied up for at least two miles..." "A little more, Ginger." "Thattagirl." "I'm not gonna ask you again." "Please, please." "I'm gonna lose the sun." "I need a little more time." "You are through right now." "Be reasonable." "I have a deadline." "New York is waiting." "Yeah, well, so is half of L.A." "Now pack up your equipment." "Okay, put your little robes on and get into your cars." "Girls." "Girls, explain to him." "L..." "I'm helpless." "Look at it this way." "We stopped those cars from speeding." "And we're saving gasoline and preventing accidents, aren't we?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Well, not exactly." "I mean, you have two miles of traffic lined up back there and I've been waiting." "What are we supposed to do?" "You're a spoilsport." "I've been called worse than that." "Look." "If that's your partner up there, you should be up there." "That's right." "The quicker you get back to your rig, the sooner I'll get up there." "Come on, let's move." "Hey, hold it there." "Get over." "You know, I'd hate to have to carry this any further." "Do you mean jail?" " Jail?" " You wouldn't." " Come on." " I have to clear the area out." "Oh, come on." "Hey, come on." "It's the kid's job, okay?" "Give me a break." "Jail?" " It's becoming a very strong possibility." " Jail might be a very interesting idea." "Long vertical bars, deeply lit shadows, could be a terrific offbeat layout." " Good setup." " We'll have you there in 10 minutes." " No, no." "Not me, you won't." " Not me." "Good thinking." "Why don't you join them?" "I'm certainly gonna put a call through to your commissioner." "Yeah, well..." "I'm sure he'd love to hear from you." "At least you could have stalled them longer for your partner." "I didn't need to." "You didn't need to?" "What do you mean you didn't need to?" "Some gratitude." "I'm down in the pits with charles Atlas." " You're up here with the angels?" " Hey, Ponch." "Relax, okay?" "Relax." "Hey, I got their numbers." "You did?" "Hey, Ponch." "Ponch, you got a 10-21." " When?" " Just now." "Getraer wants you to call him as soon as possible." "Oh, no." "What do I have to explain now?" "Would you explain something to me?" "Hey, sarge, anything you want to know." "Why am I sending one of my men, one of my uniformed officers to his principal's office?" " What?" " Mr. Singleton called." "That name mean anything to you, Frank?" "Oh, yeah." "Wrong Way Singleton." " Wrong way?" " Yeah, I pinched him this morning." "Well, he didn't mention anything about a citation." "He just asked that his former student Francis Llewellyn Poncherello, report to his office as soon as possible." "Well, one thing you can count on, sarge, he is not gonna talk me out of the cite." "Anything you say, Frank." "Just see the man." "If he put up with you for three years, he deserves a little consideration." "Okay, sarge." "If you say so." "I would appreciate it." "Goodbye, Llewellyn." "You know, Ponch, I think I know what it is." "You got a book overdue, and now he knows where you are." "Either that or they found out you forged your diploma." "Funny." "Singleton just figures he can get me back on his turf and knuckle me under." "But no way." "He didn't seem like that kind of guy." "No?" "Then why do you think we called him the Frankenstein of Poly High?" "I don't know, maybe he had a secretary named Igor." "Very funny." "I'm not a kid anymore." "I'm a trained killer." "I've handled tougher guys than Singleton." "Hey, are you listening to me?" "Yeah." "Remember when I booked Herb Nessbaum, the mayor of El Segundo?" "How could I forget?" "Well, this ticket stands as written." "Hey, killer." "I think you forgot your kickstand." " Ready?" " On three." "One, two, three." "Okay." "Ponch, you broke the sparkplug off." "The carburetor's leaking around the diaphragm." "If old man Singleton would have accepted his ticket like a man this wouldn't have happened." "Yeah, I'll call for a tow." "This is it." "I've had it with him." "This is high noon and this is the last showdown." "Central L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3, would you send the motorcycle trailer to the Administration Building, Poly High?" " 15, 7 Mary 3, 10-4." " Hey, Jon, bring me my baton." "Ponch, you don't need the baton, all right?" "Hey, maintain." "One way is one way." "You were there." "You saw the violation." " He can fight this to the Supreme Court." " Come on, Ponch, take it easy." "Francis, good to see you." "I'm here." "But it's not gonna do you any good." "There's no way you can scare me into avoiding that ticket." "Understand?" " Of course, you're absolutely right." " I don't care if you hire a lawyer and..." "Of course?" " I'm right?" " I'm proud of what you've become." "Look at you, from the lowest depths to the highest heights." "I think you'd be an inspiration to the entire student body and I'd like you to address them on Career Day." "Me?" "Yours is an amazing success story, Francis." "Really?" "Frankly, I think you would even relate to some of our more difficult cases." "You could talk their language." "As a matter of fact, I remember you could write their language on the walls." "Hey." "For the old alma mater." "For you, Mr. Singleton." "Why not?" "Fine." "Thank you, Francis." "We'll see you on Friday in the auditorium at 1: 15." "Right, 1315 hours." "Hear that?" "How's it gonna feel like to ride with a returning hero?" "Yeah, well, that depends if the returning hero gets his bike fixed." "You wanna deprive some kid of his inspiration?" "Hey, Lou." "Lou." " What do you need, sarge?" " On your report here, I..." " I can't read this address, help me out." " Yeah, sure." "I don't believe it." "You're gonna tell him your success story before or after he chews you out?" "Before." "There may not be an after." "How're you doing, sarge?" "Before you say anything, I've got great news for the Patrol." "You're resigning, going into the wrecking business?" "Sarge, believe me." "This mechanical problem is nothing compared to the terrific P.R. Opportunity." "Don't talk." "Just listen." "We have nearly 100 vehicles operating out of Central." "Ninety-nine of them spend most of their time on the street." "One of them spends most of its time in the repair shop." "Do you know who that vehicle belongs to?" "Sarge, let me explain." "No, let me explain." "Your job is not to keep the mechanics busy." "Your job is to patrol." "And you cannot patrol the freeways on foot." " I know." " No, no, you don't know, Frank." "Otherwise, you wouldn't be wearing out the tow trailer and overworking the repair crew." "Maybe you should join the Mounties, Frank." "If you treated your horse the way you treat your motorcycle at least he could bite back." "Sarge, you'll feel a whole lot different once you hear the whole story." "Excuse me, guys." "But you didn't hear me." "I know all your excuses by heart." "I even have them numbered." "And that looked like number 24." "Sarge, what's the plan?" "Will Ponch get a new bike?" "There aren't any more bikes right now." "Well, hey, what about your bike?" "No way." "The last time I lent you my bike it..." "Never mind." "Baker, you go back on patrol." "Poncherello, you take the desk." " Desk?" " I'm short a desk officer." "You're short a bike." "I'm allergic to paperwork, sarge." "I'll get a rash." "Just don't drive your chair over 90." "Hi, Joe." "How are you?" " Fine." "Yourself, Marty?" " Good, I need an observer." " You got any?" " I'll check the roster..." " I'm available." " No, wait a minute." "I know." "Normally, you'd have somebody else available." "But you just said you're shorthanded." "I'd be happy to help you out." "What's the use?" "Okay, Frank." "Go." "Thanks, sarge." "Oh, watch my helmet, okay?" "Yeah, one thing, Frank:" "Go easy on the chopper." "We don't have that many." "Prowler!" "Negative." "That's a pool cleaner." "L.A. To the Golden State units and Helicopter 5." "The sheriff reports a lost boy, last seen vicinity of Valleyheart and Ethel wearing a red T-shirt and blue jeans." "Any unit available identify to L.A." "L.A. 7 Mary 3 will respond to location." "Helicopter 5, 10-4." "Helicopter 5, this is 7 Mary 3." "Do you copy?" "Come in, 7 Mary 3." "Valleyheart runs next to the L.A. River." "Most kids can't stay away from it." "We'll check it." "There he is." "Down there by the wall." "Los Angeles, this is Helicopter 5, lost boy is located." "L.A. River at Sepulveda Basin." "7 Mary 3, copy." "ETA of two." "Son, please move back." "We're coming down." " Hi there." " Are you gonna arrest me?" " No, I wanna talk to you about fishing." " Fishing?" "Yeah, one time in this very spot in this river I heard that they caught the biggest piece of cement, and they..." " What's your name?" " Mikie." "Mikie." "Tell me something, Mikie." "Did you find the same thing down here that all the other kids did?" "Nothing." "This dumb old cement river has absolutely nothing anyone would want." "Yeah, you probably guessed that." " I guess so." " Yeah." "And we wouldn't wanna get your mother upset over nothing, right?" " I guess not." " Okay, now, listen." "You've been down here now, so there's no reason to come back again." " Right?" " I suppose so, yes." "Okay, now, let's make a deal with you and me, all right?" "That it's time to go home." " It's a deal." " Okay." "How would you like to ride in a helicopter?" "Far out." "How about a motorcycle?" "None of my friends have ridden in a whirlybird." "Can't win them all, partner." "Hey, Ponch." "That's a good human-interest story for the students of Poly High." "Are you kidding?" "I'll let them in on the big stuff, the excitement of the CHP." "Oh, yeah?" "Like what?" "The time I saved that driver from the burning gas truck." "Or the time I delivered twins on the Harbor Freeway." "Wait." "I was the one that delivered the twins and saved the driver." "Hey, Jon." "This is a high school audience." "You think they're gonna be interested in details?" "Well, that depends on what you consider details." "Well, so far, I've got about a dozen inspiring points for my speech." "You think you got time for a dozen?" "Hey, old buddy." "They'll just have to cut their applause short." "Applause, huh?" "Yeah, that could be a problem." "I'm sorry." "Hey, Ponch." "If we don't get back on patrol, L.A. Will think we're lost." " I'll catch you later, hero." " All right, Jon." "Marty, could you give me a few pointers?" "I'm giving a talk at Poly High." "I think the kids will really be interested in hearing how we fly those things." "Circle back, Marty." "I wanna check something." "Helicopter 5 to Ventura Freeway units." "Anybody tag a light blue van stalled on eastbound shoulder at Winnetka?" "Helicopter 5, this is 7 Adam." "Negative." "Helicopter 5, 7 Mary 3." "A negative on stalled vehicle." "Helicopter 5, 15, 7 David." "Negative." "Only three units on the Ventura west today." "It could be our 459 van." "7 Mary 3, would you check it out?" "10-4, Helicopter 5." "Westbound at Haskell." "Attention all units." "I have spotted possible 459 suspects on Ventura." "Suspects are moving to the van." "Helicopter 5, 7 Mary 3 has an ETA of two." "459 suspects are now heading west on Ventura, near Ledge in a light blue late model van." "Available units, please roll." "I'm with you, 5." "459 suspects are now heading south off Ventura onto Ledge." "7 Mary 3, suspects now going west on Kanan Road." "Jon, do you copy?" "I'm with you, Ponch." "Hang tight." "Your 10-20, 7 Mary 3?" "7 Mary 3 and 7 Mary David are just east of the tunnels." "Suspects have apparently made a U-turn in the tunnel." "Yeah, regular Houdinis." "C-18." "Unit C-18." "Suspects will be heading your way." "Turn right at the next intersection." "Repeat, at the next intersection." "Freeze." "Freeze, right there." "You're not going anyplace." "Put your hands on your head." "Spread your legs." " Hey, Bar." " Yeah." "I think these nice people would like to check in to the Greybar Motel." "Yeah." "I think we can find a couple of vacancies." "Hey, not bad, partner." "I think I'll mention you in my speech, old buddy." "Thanks." "There he is, students." "Francis Llewellyn Poncherello, as he appeared in our school's yearbook." "And here he is today, one of california's finest." "It's with great pride on this career Day that I introduce to you one of Poly High's most prominent alumni:" "Mr. Francis, or as we say today:" "Frank Poncherello." "Are you nervous?" "Are you kidding?" "This is gonna be a piece of cake." "Watch." "Thank you, Mr. Singleton." "And now, my fellow..." "I..." "I..." "Hi, my name is Jon Baker and this is my partner, Francis Llew..." "Well, we just call him Ponch." "He's the kind of guy that's too modest to talk about himself." "You know, last week, he closed down almost the entire L.A. Freeway system to save a shaggy dog stranded in the middle of the freeway and when..." "Okay, I know what you're thinking." "Chippie, the badge the gun, the whole bit, but really, in all seriousness Ponch here, yesterday, single-handedly directed an air-to-ground search and because of that, saved the life of a 6-year-old child." "And he's also responsible for saving the lives of two elderly people that were in a runway bus, and..." "That was nothing." "You should've been there when I was chasing this car full of bank robbers." "Oh, I mean, it was a ride." "It was a chase." "These dudes, eight..." "Nine guys in one car." "Shooting down the freeway, and I'm coming on my cycle." "And I make this hairpin turn to the left." "I anticipated they'd come up this ramp." "I came out the other side and I got them..." "And I pulled them out." "You should've been there." "They were going, like, 85..." "I was gonna call it in but I decided I'm gonna go for it." "And I'm going at them, and I make this hairpin turn." "And they cut to the left, and then they suddenly go to the right."