"(PETER CHIRRUPING)" "PETER: (WHISPERING) I know you're in there." "Where are you?" "Show yourself." "Ah-ha!" "Irrefutable evidence." "Sciurus carolinensis." "Oh." "Oh, good Lord." "The family." "(CHITTERING)" "Ah, you little devil." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Hello?" "Not in there, it's a cupboard!" "For goodness sake." "(DOOR OPENS)" "Hiya." "Is no one helping you?" "Story of our lives." "Angela and Tony Forshaw." "We're here to see Mr Kingdom." "Twenty minutes ago." "Ah." "Okay." "Erm... would you like to have a seat?" "Have you seen Peter?" "Oi." " I might need you later." " In what way?" "Bait." "PETER:" "Ted, are you out of your mind?" "No!" "No, that'll achieve exactly the opposite effect." "TED:" "They're my nuts and I don't want you to touch 'em." "PETER:" "Will you just please, for heaven's sake, put them away?" " PETER:" "Oh, for heaven's sake, man." " Not interrupting anything, am I?" "Ted here seems to think that the best way to catch squirrels is to feed them." "Yeah, it know where to come for food, then you sit here waiting to shoot it." "Shoot it?" "I'm not gonna shoot it." "You can't shoot it in here!" "The shot would ricochet like a pinball." "That's right." "So if you miss it the first time, the more likely you are to get it on the rebound." "They can't throw them off that land." "Market Shipborough farmers have grazed their sheep" " on that common for centuries." " Mr Snell, it's the gas company's land." "If they want to drill for gas on it, it's up to them." "We can't stop them." "Not on that common." "They can't disturb the sheep." "It's a custom." " Peter?" " What?" "Mr and Mrs Forshaw, you should have seen them 20 minutes ago." " Where's Gloria?" " I don't know." "She didn't turn up." "Great." "Super." "Marvellous." "Terrific." "I can't remember a time when sheep ain't been on that land." "Yes, but for the purposes of asserting a custom, your lifetime isn't long enough." "What if I used a catapult?" "Profuse apologies." "I'm afraid we were big game hunting in the attic." " How long is long, then?" " Later please, Mr Snell, if you would." "How about a Taser?" "Keep thinking, Ted." "Thank you." "So, if you'd like to come through." "Teas, coffees?" "Two teas." " Me?" " Yes." "Oh, Beatrice, could you be an angel and hold the fort while we're..." "Do I look like someone with nothing to do?" "Market square, 11:30." "Look stunning." "(PETER CLEARING THROAT)" "Yeah." "Where is Gloria?" "Absent without leave." "Our daughter, Laura." "Her human rights have been breached." "What, has she been tortured or sold into slavery?" "She's been turned down for university." "Ah, and you think the law is an appropriate remedy?" "Well, it's discrimination and the denial of a right to an education." "Yes, thank you, Lyle, I know what it is." "We can't let 'em get away with it." "Tell me, which university?" "Cambridge." "She wants to do law." "Really?" "And did they give a reason?" "We all know." "It's 'cause of who we are." "Just 'cause we don't have a detached house and two cars." "Thought they're meant to be discriminating in our favour," " not shutting the door in our faces." " Quite right." "She's devastated." "It's all she's ever wanted to do." "She's worked hard." "I'm sure she did." "Well, if there is a case of discrimination here..." "I'm not gonna stand back and watch my daughter get picked on." "She is as good as anyone else." "She has rights, Mr Kingdom, human rights." "European Court of." "You tell 'em we'll see 'em there." "All right there, Jeff?" " Hiya." " Let's get started." "Well..." "So, this is where you are." "Looking everywhere for you." "Market square, you said." " He keeps moving." " Who does?" "Is that the best you could do?" " Why?" "What's wrong?" " No one's gonna believe it, are they?" "Believe what?" "Beatrice?" "(LYLE EXCLAIMS)" "I'll see you later." "Who's that?" " Oh, no one." "You know how it is." " Look, I owe you an apology." "Never apologise, Alan, it only shows you care." " Yes, but I do care." " Well, obviously not enough, since you felt the need to sleep with another woman." "No, fair point." "Look, it's not what you thought." "She meant nothing to me." "I've been so stupid." "I can't stop thinking about you." "Listen, Alan, we had fun, okay?" "I'm still peeling acrylic paint off my bum." "I've moved on." "And you do have the most fantastic bum, Beatrice." "Look, say no if you want to, but... can I buy you a coffee?" "We could not believe it." "None of us could." "Academically, she's the best we've ever had." "I know Oxbridge material when I see it and, believe me, this girl is it." "They must've given a reason?" "Oh, something utterly patronising about her being happier at a university more suited to her talents." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "Come in." "Laura, come in." "This is Mr Kingdom." " Peter." " Laura." " And this is Lyle, my articled clerk." " Hello." "Mum and dad came to see you this morning." "Yes." "They told me you want to read law." "Why do you want to be a lawyer?" " You might end up like Lyle, here." " Oh!" "Law's good." "Knowing what's right and wrong." "Knowing how to stick up for the little man." "(CHUCKLING) Sounds more like you than me, eh?" "Laura, just tell us why you think Cambridge turned you down." "Not posh enough." "I don't know." "But you do want to go there?" "Well, of course she does." "She's the brightest student we have ever had." "It's Cambridge or nowhere." "Well, that's a very definite position." "That's where I want to go." "Why should I settle for second best?" "No." " Who was it who interviewed you?" " Some bloke called Barkway." "Professor Geoffrey Barkway?" " Well, you obviously know him." " Yes, my old Director of Studies." "I thought you were buying me coffee, not making me one." "Well, we had other things to attend to, didn't we?" "I adore this piece of you." "Just that piece?" "Isn't that enough to be getting on with?" "No." "I go for total consumption." "No half measures." "Don't you do anything in moderation?" "I'm incapable, I'm afraid." "All or nothing." "That sounds deliciously exciting." "Jammie Dodger?" "So you went to the college that she's been rejected from?" "Yes." "It's ironic, isn't it?" "Without that elitist institution that you wouldn't be seen dead in, you also wouldn't have a job." "Thank you so much for coming." "I never thought I'd need a lawyer to get my best pupil into her rightful academic place." "Ah, and now for the joys of non-selective education." "Scott Millington." "My office." "Now." "(CHILD CLUCKING)" "(CHILDREN LAUGHING)" "Scott, inside, move it." " Not without my solicitor." " What?" " I want Peter to come in with me." " Scott's mother works for me." "(CARTOON MUSIC PLAYING ON LAPTOP)" " It's not funny." " No, no, absolutely not, no." "And that's supposed to be you, is it?" "It is me." "Well, it's my head." "Well, I'm sure Scott didn't mean any harm." "Oh, no?" "It's all over the internet." "I've had interview requests from some decidedly dodgy magazines in Japan." "And then the school computer system crashed because it got five million hits in one day." "And now I've got a school full of pupils clucking at me." "So what you're saying is he can't put this towards his coursework?" " Do you..." " I'll take that as a no." "Suspended?" "What were you suspended for?" " Nothing." " Persistent rule breaking." "He also posted a rather unusual video of his headmistress on the internet." "When did you do this, Scott?" "It was about ten days ago." "It's the number one download on the web." "It wasn't the headmistress." "I put her head on something else's body." "Yes, I think she knows that." "What upset her is what you imagined she'd be wearing." "It was computer generated." "It wasn't real." ""No chickens were harmed in the making of the viral."" "Was that you who did the chicken viral?" "Brilliant." "No, it wasn't brilliant, Lyle." "It's got him suspended." "Still, that's all it is." "Do you want to tell her about the school windows?" "What's the point?" "She never listens to me anyway." "What did you do to the windows?" "Well, he didn't mean to smash them." "Apparently what happened was the baseball bat slipped out of his hand." " GLORIA:" "Scott!" " About eight times." "European Convention on Human Rights." "Could sue them just having to lift the bloody thing." "Looks like we have a case in two areas." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Kingdom solicitors." "Yes, Mr Snell." "No, no, no, out, out." "Yes." "Yeah, he's on his way out to see you now." "Yes, but you're not a farmer, Mr Snell." "I just don't understand this interest in a field full of sheep." "It's the principle." "Market Shipborough farmers have used this land for generations." "These sheep are special." "This land gives them a unique flavour." "It's something to do with the salt content in the grass." " Hello, Sidney." " Hello." "Yes, but without wishing to be offensive, Mr Snell, you sue more people than the Beckhams." "At least they usually have cause." "With you it just appears to be bloody mindedness." "If I had a loyalty scheme, you'd win a set of steak knives once a week." "(SIGHING)" "It's difficult to put into words, Mr Kingdom." "It means a lot to me." "This field, these sheep." "All right." "Well, for a custom to be enforceable, it has to have been enjoyed since time immemorial." "Now, you and I know since we can remember sheep have been grazing here," " but that's not the test." " What is, then?" "1189." "The end of the reign of Henry II." "We need to find someone very old." "People don't live to be 818." "Amazing mental arithmetic." "You never cease to amaze me, Mr Snell." "No, the law does recognise that." "What we do is we find the oldest living person in Market Shipborough." "Get them to testify, back it up with photographs." "The custom's established." "Job done." "Sheep may safely graze." "Gas company have to go and dig elsewhere." "Lyle, don't do that." "Never touched them." "These are the questions that I think the university should answer." "So..." "If there are any other issues that you think I should raise with them?" " How much would we get?" "Damages?" " Angela." "No, I'm serious." "They've got to be made to pay." "Well, I don't really know." "I think perhaps that's a bit premature." "First we have to establish discrimination and ideally, of course, they would reverse their decision and accept her." "No damages?" "No." "I suppose that'd be something, wouldn't it?" "If Cambridge reversed their decision?" "Yeah." "Great." "Either way, it's not the end of the world." "ANGELA:" "Yes, it is." "That's why we got him." "Make 'em suffer." "Right." "Actually, you can help me, Tony." "I need the services of a pest control expert." "(MILLIE BARKING)" "Enough, Millie." "It's just a squirrel." "Well..." "Gloria, what's the matter?" "(SOBBING)" "Oh, of course." "That's why you didn't come into work this morning." "I'm so sorry." " Why should you remember?" " Because you're my friend." "Because Andrew was your husband and I administered his estate." "Where's that year gone?" " Slowly." " Is there anything, anything I can do?" "Nothing." "That's what makes it so hard." "No one can do anything." "You know that." "You lost Simon." "Losing a brother's not the same as losing a husband." "And I can't cope with Scott." "I can't, he doesn't listen to me." "Well, would it help if I spoke to him?" "Would you?" "Scott, you're a whiz with computers." "You couldn't load this onto mine, could you?" "There, that should keep him busy for a while." "Doesn't it make you feel glad to be alive?" "Oh, don't tell me you've forgiven him?" "It was all a misunderstanding." "I read far too much into it." "Read too much into it?" "He was in bed with someone." "Yeah, but it didn't mean anything." "I tell you, Peter, it's days like these that make surviving that overdose so worthwhile." "You ever been in love, Gloria?" "Yes." "Doesn't it feel great?" "I'm very happy for you." "Don't look at me." "PETER:" "Thanks." "You'll make sure she gets them today?" "WOMAN:" "Bye." "PETER:" "Bye." "AURIEL:" "An old person?" "Well, you've come to the right place." "Won't I do?" " No, Aunt Auriel, you're far too young." " How lucid do they have to be?" "Well, it would be nice if they were on the same planet." "Yes, well, that's your difficulty straightaway." "We've got Mrs Terry who is 104." "But she's away with the fairies even on the best of days." "Now, um..." "Oh..." "Mr Bewley." "Now, he's fairly ancient." "Sheep?" "Oh, yes." "And they were always grazed on the common, were they?" "Used to take them up there meself." "My father lived in Stoke Marsh Farm." "I knew he did it as a boy himself and his father before that." "Excellent." "And when was this exactly?" "Well, every day." "No." "I meant exactly what year was it when your grandfather would do that?" "Well, every year." "It's like living with people on LSD." " From Alan?" " Who else?" "You really should get yourself a man, Gloria." "Thank you." "I'll bear that in mind." "Did you get them?" " Get what?" " I thought I saw the... (BEATRICE CHUCKLING)" "I told you he loved me." " Aren't they gorgeous?" " Is there a card?" "No, there didn't have to be." "Flowers say everything." "Yes, they do, don't they?" "Unfortunately, these are from me for Gloria." "Now, look, Beatrice, let go, please." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "(CHILDREN SHOUTING)" "(CHEERING)" "SCOTT: 3-1!" "Scott?" "Scott!" "Oh, jeez." "God Almighty." "Don't..." "What are you doing here?" "Ted the terminator reporting for duty." "Yeah, I've chosen the more humane option, as it happens." "(GLASS SHATTERING)" "(ALARM BLARING)" "I could shoot them." "Tempting." " Why can't I stay at home?" " Because I obviously can't trust you." "Morning." "How are you, Scott?" " Fine." " Got a moment?" "Darling." "(MOANING)" "ALAN:" "I've missed you." "Hey, what's this?" "That's a picnic hamper, but this is engine oil." " My bloody car's broken down." " Aw..." "Hello." " Are you all right?" " Me?" "I'm fine." "Magnificently splendid." "Too trusting by half." "Ignore him." "Come on, let's go and wash your hands and think of something interesting to do." "Ah, where's the sneaky rodent, then?" "He's gone upstairs with my sister." "You're gonna have a go at me, aren't you?" " About what?" " Last night." "Oh, no, that can wait." "What I really need is for you to give me a hand with this software that you installed." " Oh, that's simple." " It might be for you." "Here, let me." "Which tidal area do you need information on?" "I suppose local." "Type in the exact location the body entered the sea." "East Beach, Market Shipborough." " Body mass?" " Thirteen stone." "Oh, God, you want kilograms." "Call it 80." "Were they dead before they entered the water?" "No." "You have some strange hobbies." "Yes, well, so do you, and we'll come to those later." "Here you go." "Body deposition site." "70% chance between Wells and Cley." "Oh, right." "Well, it means that the odds are that... my brother's body should've been washed ashore at least five months ago." "Anyway, about last night." "It weren't me." "GLORIA:" "Hang on, hang on." "Scott!" "(SIGHING)" "I can't believe you left me." "Scott'd listen to you." "Whatever you said went." "(SOBBING) Why aren't you here with us?" "Why did you leave us?" "Why?" " Don't be so mean." " Why doesn't your brother like me?" "He does." "He pretends." "He has this shell around him." "I love you." "I love you very much." "He told me he loves me." "How lovely." "Men probably say that to you all the time." "Only one." "Saying it's easy." "Really being in love is hard." "Is it mutual?" "Do you love him?" "I don't know." "How would I know?" "When you realise you couldn't live without him." "When you know that they're the other half of you that's always been missing." "When the moment that you're not with him, your whole life empties." "(GLORIA SNIFFLING)" "And then there's the other type of love." "For your children." "Unconditional, all forgiving, all consuming." "I'll think about it." "You shouldn't need to think." "You just know." "So, now, my rooms were round here." "A2, just the other side of the tower." "Do you ever go back to your old college?" "No, never." "Not all of us live in the past." "Bring back all the memories, does it?" "All the midnight feasts and sneaking girls into your dorm?" "Yes, very witty." "Get off the grass!" " What?" " You're not allowed on the grass." "Look." "I, on the other hand, am allowed on the grass as a graduate of this college." "But you have to stick to the path." " It's apartheid." " It's tradition." "It was tradition in South Africa that blacks didn't get a say in their country but even that's changed now." " Peter!" " Geoffrey." "Come on up." "And get off the grass, Peter." "You're not a fellow of the college." "I thought it was all right if you were a graduate?" "Don't be absurd." " What's up?" " Nothing." "Nothing at all." "Scott Millington?" "I need to speak to you about smashed windows in the Market Square." "Laura Forshaw." "Yes, of course I remember her." "Bright girl with a north Norfolk accent." "Well, her parents want to take you to the European Court of Human Rights." "Well, you see, this is a problem with human rights legislation." "Why do you think we existed so happily for centuries without a codified constitution?" "Because we didn't want our citizens to have any rights?" "Peter, where did you get him from?" "We're not citizens, Lyle, we're Her Majesty's subjects." "That's another bone of contention." "As a law, it's too broad." "It can be interpreted in too many ways." "So, I'm damned if I reject this girl Laura and I'm damned by someone else if I don't." "But she is perfectly qualified to come here." "I don't deny it." "Well, then why did you discriminate against her?" "I didn't." "I know this is not particularly helpful, but she just didn't seem to want to come here." "I can't go round offering places to people who are only vaguely interested." "With respect, Geoffrey, that's not how she put it to us." "She said it was Cambridge or nowhere." "Well, with equal respect, Peter, that's not the impression she gave." "And how foolish, a girl with her talent, to give herself only one option." "If she really wanted to come here that badly, she certainly never said it." "You've finished?" "Yeah." "Not even a bite." "Well, can't we go a bit further down towards the mill?" "Mum's not expecting us back yet." "In which godforsaken backwater is it that you practise, Peter?" " Market Shipborough." " Never heard of it." "Of all the people I ever taught, you are the one person least likely to have ended up as a market town solicitor." "Well, it's hard to resist the call of the wild." " I saw you here, teaching." " In a way, I do." "One more thing." "Simon..." "I don't know if he mentioned this." "A month before he died, he rang me up out of the blue." "I hadn't seen him since he graduated." "He was asking for money." "He wanted to know if I could help." " Did you?" " I couldn't at the time." "I wish I'd been able to." "I feel so awful about it now." "Nothing anyone could've done." "Nice to meet you, Lyle." "Keep up the militancy." "We all need our consciences pricking." "Lyle!" "Lyle!" "I'm so sorry." "Lyle." "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" "Look, I was young once." "We all were." "I know what it's like." "You want a bit of independence." "You wanna strike out on your own." "But when you start to strike out in the direction of other people's shop windows, that's when I start to lose my sense of humour." "Well?" "What do you have to say?" "When I'm not with you, how do you feel?" "I miss you." "Terribly." " Do you miss me?" " Course I do." "Am I the other half that makes you complete?" "I'm surprised you even have to ask me that." "Could you live without me?" "You know I couldn't." "That's not a bad price." "Yes." "I know it's not the greatest set of wheels in the world, but I think that'll do me." "What about that one?" "Little bit out of my price range, I'm afraid." "I think this'll do me fine." ""The Chairman has given me his full support" ""and so I remain the manager of this club."" "(CHUCKLING) Not for long, then." "That's what they always say afore they sack you." "Anything about the Canaries?" "Got any homework to do?" "English essay." "Then I suggest you come home and do it." " Gloria." " Peter." "I know you're always offering and I'm always saying I can manage." "Well, I can't." "I need your help." "What do you mean, he's been arrested?" "Well, tell him not to say anything." "I'll be there as soon as I can." "No, I can't give you an ETA, but I am on my way." "Thanks." "LYLE:" "What's the prognosis?" " Are you interested?" " Not really." "Well, we're what is known in the trade as broken down." "What we need is a rescue service." "Where are we exactly?" "Well, I don't know." "It was one of your famous short cuts." "Beatrice, you shouldn't have." "I'm an all or nothing kind of woman, remember?" "Anyway, it's only money." "You know I'll never be able to pay you back, don't you?" "Well, you don't have to." "It's yours." "I do love you, you know." "(ENGINE REVVING)" "By the time my wife come back in the room, he's foaming at the mouth and rolling around on the floor." "Hmm, um, what exactly is the problem?" "The vet said he burst his spleen." "But my uncle, who works in an abattoir, he said he thought it sounded like rabies." "That makes your insides boil." "(CHUCKLING) My wife reckoned we need new carpet, but I scrubbed the stains out." "Then, of course, we couldn't bury him 'cause of the foot-and-mouth." "You think it might be quicker to walk?" "Listen, I wonder, do you know of any local taxi firms I could call?" "Mr Snell, I don't know where he is." "You need him here, I need him here." "The one thing I'm certain of is that he isn't here." "He's probably hiding out the back knowing him." "Sometimes, yes." "This time, no." "Well, tell him the gas company's solicitors have written." "Mr Bewley's testimony was a waste of time." "We've lost the case." "They can prove that nothing was grazing on that land in 1189." "Can they?" "At that time, the field was under the sea." " I'll tell him." " I'll go, then." "Yes, please." "Thank you." "(HORN HONKING)" "Okay." "When you've fixed it, bring it to that address." "So, Market Ship..." "I was just telling 'em about our goat, Brendan." "(STAMMERING) Oh, he didn't have to tell that story." "I feel very weird." "I'm going home." "BEATRICE:" "Oh, Peter?" "He told me he loves me!" "Was that before or after you bought him a sports car?" "Why can't you be happy for me?" "I love him!" "Well, if you do then I am happy for you." "At least Alan can express himself." "I don't know if you care for me or not!" "When was the last time you said you loved somebody?" "It doesn't always have to be spoken." "I know." "Listen to this!" "Did you get that, did you?" "(GROANING)" " Thanks for rushing back." " Well, I tried but the car broke down." " Listen, did he say anything?" " He admitted it." "I don't know what I'm gonna do." "I don't care." "Just do me a plea in mitigation and I'll take the fine." "Tell 'em dad's dead." "Tell 'em how I miss him." "Make it up." "Well, would I be making it up?" "I mean, it's not easy growing up without a father, is it?" "Whatever." ""It's Cambridge or nothing."" "Ha!" "I know what she's up to." "I'd rather mum and dad stayed, if that's okay?" "You got her in, then?" "You put 'em in their place?" "Well, no, I have to say, I didn't." "Moreover, I don't think we have a case against the university." "Do we, Laura?" "The fact is they turned her down because, well, she didn't seem very interested in going." "That's a load of old squish." "She's had her heart set on it." "It's always been Cambridge or nowhere." "Yes, that's an interesting choice of words, isn't it?" "I mean, most people choose up to five universities." "But with you, as you say, "Cambridge or nowhere."" "So that if she should get turned down or deliberately flunk her entrance, as I believe she did, then she'd get her next four choices." "Nowhere." "That's ridiculous." "Why would she do that?" "Indeed why, with the world at your feet, would you want to stay here, Laura?" "Is it because of the pressure or because everyone assumed or did no one stop to ask you?" " If she don't wanna go, she..." " Be quiet, let her talk!" "Will you stop her?" "I want to stay 'cause she wants me to go." " Me?" "What's it got to do with me?" " Everything." "You just want rid of me." "You want me out of your hair, but I'm not going." "Who'd look out for dad?" "Oh, Laura." "I'm the only thing that's holding you two together." "It's true." "Me gone, who knows what she'd get up to." " All I want is a life." " Why do you have to hurt him, then?" "I don't, Laura." "What he does hurts me." "It's not my fault he's got no ambition." "It's not my fault he's not qualified for anything." "It's not my fault he can't even read!" "I've spent my entire life covering for him!" "Now look what you've done." "TONY:" "Hard, ain't it?" "When your own daughter gives up her future just to try and protect you." " She wants to talk to you." " Yeah, but I'm holding her back, though." "Feels she can't leave me." "Doesn't think I can survive." "I'm a burden, Mr Kingdom, that's all I am." "I'm a burden on my wife and my daughter." "No, that just isn't true." "You're a good father." "How many people can claim that?" " Dad?" " You listen to me, all right?" "I may not be the cleverest in the universe, but I am your dad." "You get yourself off to university and you learn things." "But you need me." "Who'd read your post?" "Who'd read you the football out the newspaper?" "I can learn." "I'll get a butler." "This ain't about me or your mother." "We're not your problem." "What you have to do is have your life." "I love it that you're a million times cleverer than I'll ever be." "I'm so proud of you it hurts." "Make him understand!" "Just because he doesn't know what's written on a piece of paper, doesn't mean he can't be wise." "You should listen to him." "Your parents are not your problem." "You have to live your life, you can't live theirs." "(SOBBING) I love you." "I love you, too." "I'll be in the car." "Ah, glad to see you, Mr Snell." "I'll be with you in a minute." "Your police mate Yelland reckons we should take a look at this." " Scott's window." " Good." "You have a look through it, would you?" "Where is Scott, by the way?" " Hiding." " And what did Laura say?" "Oh, yes, can you get in touch with Professor Barkway, and also I'll need the number of the Adult Education Centre." "I want to pass it on to the Forshaws." " Where's Beatrice?" " Getting ready." "Alan's taking her out." "(BEATRICE HUMMING)" "Ah." "If you even try so much as to lecture me," "I will not be responsible for my actions." "Well, I'll be honest with you, then." "I don't like him." "I don't know why." "I don't know what it is." "But he makes my flesh crawl." " Finished?" " Yes." "Good." "Because flesh crawler's picking me up." " My instincts are not usually wrong." " Well, they've abandoned you this time." "Wow, you look fabulous." "How's the car?" "Very nice." "I'm a lucky man." "Yes, aren't you just." "You seem to have landed on all four of your scaly little claws, don't you?" "Ignore him." "It's a stock phrase he uses in divorce cases." "Scott!" "Scott." "So what's the good news?" "Lyle here will tell you all about it." "I'll go, Gloria." "Scott?" "Scott?" "Well, in 1189 the land was under water which meant it couldn't be used for grazing, right?" " That's right." " No, that's wrong." "You see, Gloria found this book on local archaeology." "And we think we can prove that even though the land was under water, it was still used for grazing." "It's the end of the twelfth century." "This field is a marshy sea water swamp." "That road is where the land started." "Now, according to that book, our ancestors used to wade out into the swamp forcing the fish to swim into the shallows." "They found evidence of unusual wooden post holes." "They think they drove the fish into a small enclosure made of fences weaved from willow." "What, so they herded them like sheep?" "Exactly." "Herded them into this pen, so they had fish whenever they wanted." "This was the site of the very first fish farm." "Which means that in 1189," "Market Shipborough residents were using this land to graze their fish." "That is brilliant, boy." "Interesting." "You know he admitted to breaking the window?" "It wasn't him." "It was the girl he was with." "He's lying to protect her." "Oh, Scott." "Dear boy." "I also think you should check out the tape about an hour before." "Why?" "What's on it?" "The love of your sister's life in a doorway, being the love of someone else's." "Alan." "I think I owe you an apology." "You deserve something different from me." "That's okay." "I wasn't offended." "Weren't you?" "I can't have expressed myself very clearly, then." "I meant to say that you are a low life, scum-sucking waste of skin." "There are bacteria in ponds who are more worthy of my sister than you are." " Peter." " What?" "I have seen CCTV tape of what this man gets up to in shop doorways." " Ah, that." " Ah, that." "It meant nothing, darling." "She was my ex-wife." "Well, soon to be ex-wife." "We're finalising things at the moment." "She comes over with my son, and you know how these things are." "Likes to have sex for old times' sake." "In doorways, on beaches." "Sod..." "How dare you!" "Get off my bloody sandal!" "Get off!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Get the..." "You're lucky." "(PEOPLE LAUGHING ON TV)" "Oh, that reminds me." "I've got something for you." "What is it?" "I've never had a picture of dad and me before." "Why do you do so many kind things?" "Well, maybe it's because behind this roughty, toughty fighting man exterior, there lurks the soft heart of a half-brother trying to get out." "Does it matter to you that Simon and I were only your half-brother and sister?" "No, not at all." "If anything, it makes me love you all the more." "There." "I'll let her go up in Hope Wood." "She stay round here, she'll be back in making her nests." "Two litters a year, you'll be overrun with them." "Come on, my beauty, time to set you free." "Might be good if we got Scott to speak to someone." "Have you ever spoken to anyone about your dad dying?" " No." " No." "It's easy to forget you, isn't it?" "I mean, everyone speaks to your mum because, well, she lost her husband but no one stops to think about you." " Yeah." " All right." "Well, I think it should be someone who's had a similar experience, don't you?" "Good idea." "But who?" "It'll be fine." "Peter, I need to speak to you about an assault." "This time, try and go in with an open mind, yeah?" "I will." "And thanks." "The law's a good subject." "You can do what you want with it." "Laura?" "Oh, and mum and dad have talked." "He's signing up at some classes she's found out about." "He says if I'm up for a challenge then so is he."