"FRANK'S FAB HOLIDAY Based on true events" " When do we have to be there?" " I told them we'd be there now." " When do we have to be there?" " I told them we'd be there now." " Not these ones, Frank." " What if I want to go in the water?" " They're so ugly." " But they're my high speed trunks." " They're for old, fat men." " I'm not old or fat." " Exactly." "That's why." " They look good." "Look!" " They're back to front!" " Are they?" "They're a bit tight." "These ones are better for your sperm." "Are we on that subject again?" "Are you ovulating?" " Yes, during the weekend." " I'll watch my testicles, then." "I could cut a hole and let my testicles hang out." "We've got Monopoly and Yahtzee, I think." " Maybe we can play tonight." " That'd be nice." " Hi there." " Hi." " Hi, Christensen." " Look." "What day is it today?" " Friday." " Has she taken her pill?" "No." "You haven't taken your pill, and I don't want another child." "I told you that I took it this morning." "Yes, but today is Friday, and then you take Friday's pill." "How did you get so clever, Mr. Student of Medicine?" " You're as dumb as wet paper!" " Yes, seeing as I'm still with you." " Take the fucking pill." " No, I won't." "You're not going anywhere until she's taken the pill." "Don't go, Frank." "Take the pill." "Take the fucking pill!" "If I take the pill, will you shut up all weekend?" " Will you?" " I've already started." "Get an injection like Eskimo women." "Then you wouldn't have to think about pills." "They last for six months." " You're right!" " I'm not going with these dickheads." " I was just joking." " You fucking idiots!" " I'll go with her." " I was just kidding." " I'll sit in the front." " Bye, bye." "Bloody hell..!" "She really wants to have a baby, and I really don't." "You and Mia talk about babies all the time." " Can't you keep quiet about it?" " Yes." "I won't say a word." "I brought a real treat." "Kobe beef." "Do you know it?" "The cows have been massaged and given pet names, and beer." " The meat is incredibly tender." " Massaged?" "It's like cutting through butter with your willy." "It's bloody expensive and bloody delicious." "Look... hitchhikers!" "Pull over." "Yes, yes..!" "Bloody hell!" "Hi there." " Are you looking for a ride?" " Yes, we are." " Where are you going?" " Rørvig." " No way!" " Is that where you're going?" "Hi." "I'm Casper." "This is my mate, Frank." " What are you going to do in Rørvig?" " Study and relax." " With your boyfriends?" " No, just the two of us." "Great." "Frank will take those." "I'll take the two of you, then!" "Have a glass of rosé." "Cheers." " It's warm." " It's mulled wine!" " It's okay." " Yeah, it's working." " It's okay." " Yeah, it's working." "We've been waiting for a while." "We didn't know if anybody would stop." " We'd better get going." " Yes." " Let me..." " Oh." "What galantry." " You may have to walk the last bit." " Let's see, Frank." "I would pay a lot of money for a 69 with the little one." "Bloody hell!" "If anything should happen we'll stick together." " We're the two musketeers." " Yes, we're like a shield." "Hi, girls." "Hi, Mia." "Hi, sweetie." "Cool place." "Cool..." "We dropped the hitchhikers off way back." "Well, up here, actually." " So it was almost the whole way." " Yes." "I'd just like to say that I didn't stop the car." "Frank was driving, and suddenly he just stepped on the brake." "I almost banged my head, because he stopped so abruptly." " You told me to take them up." " Only after you'd stopped." " You said they were gorgeous babes." " I never use words like that." "What's the problem?" "There's nothing wrong with you helping them out." " Why not invite them over?" " Frank suggested that." " I said we didn't have enough food." " We can buy some more." "Anyhow..." "Let's forget Frank's mistakes." " And get the barbecue going." " Yes." "What a great place." "This is where we eat and relax." "In here is the bedroom." " Okay..." "That's great." " Really nice." "It's perfect for you." "That's where the princess hides." "And then we have another bedroom over here." "The guest room, I think we call it." "They've made this new bunk bed." " We'll take the one over here." " That one?" "You can't do that." " I just said dibs on that one." " This one's the guest room." "You're a guest as well." "The house belongs to Mia's parents." " It's because Mia is ovulating." " We still want to sleep in there." "Oh, you're making babies?" "Then you need the big bed." "We'll take the bunk bed." "Imagine being here with little kids." "We can have the double bed next time, when we're making babies." "Thanks, Frank." "Now I have to hear about babies all weekend." " I was up against the wall." " I don't want to sleep there." " I just don't like bunk beds." " No one does!" "Too bad." "There's a huge insect in the bathroom." "Could you..?" " What's that?" " Iben's pill." "She spat it out." " What do we do?" " I don't think we should interfere." "He shouldn't have a baby with her if he doesn't want to." " I'll tell him when it's convenient." " I don't think you should." "Your ground fault circuit interrupter keeps switching off." "There's no electricity in the house." "The fridge isn't working, so I'm worried about the Kobe beef." " Maybe it's just a fuse?" " No." "Nothing works." " There's no air-conditioning either." " Try and have a look at it." "No." "I'm a guest." "I have the bunk bed." "We've established that already." "Can't you have a look at it?" "I know nothing about electricity." "I'll die." "I know nothing about electricity." "I'll die." " I don't know what to do." " I'll call the Gimp." "Jacob, it's Frank." "We're in Mia's parents' summerhouse." "We've got no electricity." "If you hear this, please give me a call." "Let's find a sheltered spot, so we don't get sand in our eyes." "A sand-coloured blanket." "That'll be easy to find again..!" "Who played the father in "Father of Four" after Ib Schønberg?" " Karl Stegger." " No." "He was called Sørensen." " Rolf Sørensen." " No!" "He's a road racing cyclist." " Wine, anybody?" "Girls?" " No thanks." " You're not the big sun lover, eh?" " No." "I'll get cancer." "I know that from experience." "No matter what you do, you get cancer." " What's that?" " My cell phone." "Turn it off, please." "We're on holiday." " It makes me stressed." " It reminds you of the daily rut." "Turn it off." "We don't want all that..." " Let's go in the water." " Not me." " I don't bathe in Denmark." " Stop that nonsense." " Come on." " I don't bathe in Denmark!" "Seen from an evolutionary viewpoint, going in the sea is a step backwards." "It's like admitting defeat." " I'm bored, just lying in the sun." " Let's go for a walk." " We could get an ice cream." " You're quite the adventurer, eh?" "It could be a naughty ice cream." "Like a push-up that drips." " Do they have amber around here?" " What an amber-guous question..." "Hi, skipper." "You're on top of the world, eh?" "You look good in yellow." "What do we have here?" "Who are those chicks?" "Isn't it..?" "Yes, it is!" " Wait for me." " Yippie-kay-yay!" " Here come the beach cowboys!" " Good to see you again." "Shaking hands again, are we?" "Hello, hello." " Studying hard?" " Are you having a nice time?" " Yes." "What about you?" " We've missed you, actually." " Yes, we've been bored." " Do you want to go for a swim?" " Are you wearing swimming trunks?" " No, we'll go naked." "We'd love to go for a swim." "Are we teaming up or..?" " Bring the ball, please." "Come on!" " Yeah, we're coming." " Here." " Coming, girls!" "Come on, Frank!" "Shoot!" "You're good." " Take it." " Here!" "Shoot!" "Oh no." "I'm hopeless." " Your trunks are back to front." " God, yes!" "Oh no." "Look at him!" " Turn around." " Don't touch!" " Back in a moment." " We'll look the other way." "Your turn, girls!" " What happened?" " I got stung by a jellyfish." "Help me, Casper." "My God, it's huge." "Bloody hell!" "It's a huge jellyfish!" " A stinging jellyfish!" " Casper, I lost my trunks." "I lost my trunks!" "No, don't." "I'm okay." "What are you doing?" " Come on." "Let's get you in." " But I've lost my trunks." " I'm not going in without trunks!" " We'll deal with it later." "Come on." "Lie down on your back." "I'll get some wine vinegar." "Lie down on your back." "I'll get some wine vinegar." " You're not leaving me, are you?" " No." "I'll be back." " Where does it hurt?" " On my thighs." " He's been stung on his dick." " What a bummer." " Watch out." " Move your hands." " Wine vinegar soothes the pain." " It's not a bloody salad!" " Don't look." " Here." "Dab it." "I'll get a towel for you." "I lost my swimming trunks, Casper." "Hey..." "Come here." " Why haven't you put signs up?" " Everyone knows about the jellyfish." "Can I have another look?" "It doesn't look too good." "If it hasn't improved within a few days, go to the doctor." "You may get an infection." "Good luck." "I'd like to go back, Casper." " This is really stupid." " My trunks were back to front." "You screwed up, you moron." "Look at me now." "I could have been getting it off with the girls." " Why ram your willy into the beast?" " I didn't." "The beast attacked my willy." "Let's agree on who's the hunter and who's the prey here." " Hi." "There you are." " You've been gone for ages." " Great!" "You've made lunch." " Have you been in the water?" "Yes." "Why did you kick up such a fuss earlier, then?" " I got stung by a jellyfish." " A real jellyfish?" "We just wanted to dip our feet..." " Where did you get stung?" " On my willy." "Didn't you wear your swimming trunks?" "Yes, but they were back to front." "Casper noticed." "So I said to him, "Turn them the right way."" "I crouched down in the water and took off my trunks." "In that exact moment I felt an excruciating pain in my willy." " I went and got Frank..." " You didn't get stung?" "No." "I'm good at spotting them." "I pulled Frank away and then..." "Alright!" "Great." " Then I got hold of the lifeguard." " Yes, you deserve a medal." "Frank's dick looked like an unbaked croissant." "I can hardly pee." "My willy hurts so much." " I'm ovulating, remember." " I can't do it, honey." " Don't put pressure on me now." " Can't we just try?" "Have you seen it, honey?" " Oh." "Okay." " See what I mean?" " Don't touch it!" " Sorry." "Yes?" "Hi." "I just wanted to ask about your willy... is it happening?" " I know that Mia is ovulating..." " No, it's not happening." "No?" "Maybe Iben and I could borrow the double bed, then?" " Just for tonight." " Yes, I suppose so." "Really?" "Cool!" "Iben, we've got the big bed." " Are we going in the bunk bed?" " Yes." "You're not up to anything." " Sleep tight." " You too, Casper." "What a lousy mattress!" "I think it's just about ready." "Ready, girls?" "I think it's just about ready." "Ready, girls?" "This is it." "The highlight of this holiday." "The Alpe d'Huez of our trip." " The Kobe beef is going on." " 1,100 kroner's worth..." "It's almost a religious experience." "Listen!" " It shouldn't be overdone." " I'd like mine medium rare." "No." "Bleu, bleu, bleu." "You can't have it red enough." "Cheers." "Isn't this great?" "This is what holiday is all about!" " Hi." "Did you miss us?" " Hi." "You forgot your keys on my blanket, Frank." "Here." " How's the willy?" " Fine." "We're having a barbecue." " It was nice bathing with you." " Excuse me." "Did you swim together?" "Yes." "We were playing with a ball, and then Frank got stung." " What's going on here?" " We just went for a swim..." " That's enough from you, Britney!" " Britney?" "You don't want to go out with us, but when two kids turn up..." "And without swimming trunks, even." "Bathing butt naked with little kids!" " I didn't do that." "Right, girls?" " Frank's trunks were back to front." "So you all went skinny-dipping?" "Is that why you got stung, Frank?" "Stop it!" "We've heard enough bad excuses." "What are you thinking, humiliating your girlfriend like this?" "You expose yourself, and you don't even tell her about it!" " It's so dishonest." "You're a cheat!" " I'm not the only one, then." " I found your pill in the car." " You what?" " I found this in the car." " You've got to be kidding." "Did you spit this out?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "I've been fucking her all night!" "That's it." "The party's over." "Let's pack up and go home." " You didn't have to say that." " He should have said it yesterday!" " Make her take a morning-after pill." " Bloody hell!" "Look at this." " Do you want it, Mia?" " No, of course not." " Don't throw it in the flowers!" " I don't fucking care!" "Will you stop that, please!" " You're a crap barbecue master." " Oh, shut up!" "I'm leaving." "Bye, girls." "I hang around Zoo Bar a lot, just in case..." " Bye." "Sorry for the interruption." " Enjoy your meal." "Nice holiday, Frank..." "Do you want a potato?" " I think my willy is improving." " Is it?" " Now it's just red." " Really?" "Do you want to cuddle?" "Who's that?" "Honey, I'll..." " Hi." "What's happening?" " What the hell are you doing here?" "I heard your message, so I came straight away." " What happened?" " Nothing." "What's with all the noise?" "I was so happy to find the place." "I've been driving around." " Oh yes." "You called The Gimp." " The electricity is back on." " What a shame." " And now you've come all this way." "That's okay." "I called my boss, so now I'm off until Monday." "I thought I might as well stay." "You told me you had lots of space."