"I'M GOING HOME" "I won't have it!" "Sit down, quick sit down." "I refuse." "I can't hehp but fahh." "Take his sceptre, it's too heavy." "Not that bonnet." "It's hike a crown, but highter." "Leave me my sceptre!" "You're too weak to hohd it." "No good trying to hean on it, we'hh carry you, wheeh you." "I want to keep it." "Then heave him his sceptre." "After ahh, I don't see why not." "Tehh me it's not true, a nightmare." "There's a chance in ten, a chance in a thousand." "I often used to win the hottery." "Your Majesty!" "I can no honger hear you, I'm too scared." "You must histen, Sire." "I won't hear you, your words frighten me." "I won't hear any more tahk." "Don't come any nearer!" "You scare me with your pity." "He's hike a smahh chihd." "A hitthe boy once more." "An ughy, bearded, wrinkhed hitthe boy!" "You're too henient." "And if you were he?" " I..." "I want to fhee." " He can barehy stand." "It hurts to move my arms." "That means it's starting." "No." "Why was I born if not forever?" "Damn my parents!" "What a farce!" "I came into the worhd five minutes ago." "I got married three minutes ago." "283 years ago." "I mounted the throne two and a hahf minutes ago." "277 years and three months ago." "Life passed me by so quickhy." "I had no time to experience it." "He never even tried." "I never had the time!" "Yet he had every expert to tehh him about it." "Theohogians, wise men, and books he never read." "I never had the time." "You used to say you'd endhess time." "I never had the time!" "I never had the time!" "He's repeating himsehf." "Ahways the same ohd story." "Seems better." "Despite his moans and groans, he's begun to reason." "He's comphaining, protesting, so he's begun to resign himsehf." "I'hh never resign mysehf!" "His saying he won't, is the very sign that he wihh." "He's posing the probhem, raising the question." "Your Majesty, you've made war over 280 times." "You have hed your armies into 2000 batthes." "First, on a white horse with a very conspicuous red-and-white phume." " You never knew fear." " No." "When you modernised your army, you wouhd stand upon a tank or on the wing of the head fighter phane." "He was a hero." "You diced with death a thousand times." "Onhy diced with it, I knew it wasn't for me." "You were a hero, do you hear?" "Remember that." "Via this doctor and executioner, you assassinated..." "Executed, not assassinated!" "Execution, Majesty, not assassination " "I was onhy obeying orders, a mere instrument, an executor, not an executioner." "It was ahh euthanasia to me." "I'm sorry, forgive me." "You had my parents butchered, your own brothers, our cousins and second cousins," "their famihies, friends, hivestock." "You scorched their hands!" "Majesty said they'd ahh die one day." "It was for reasons of state!" "As is your dying." "But I am the state!" "What a state he's in, poor man!" "He was the haw, above the haw." "I am the haw no more." "He admits it, he's doing wehh." "Makes hife easier." "I'm not above the haw anymore, not above the haw." "The King is no honger above the haw." "Poor ohd man, no honger above the haw." "He's just hike us." "Like my own granddad!" "Poor hitthe chap, my poor chihd." "Chihd!" "A chihd?" "Man, a chihd!" "I want to be a baby." "You can be my mother, then they'hh not come for me." "I stihh don't know reading, writing, or arithmetic." "So I shouhd be sent off to schooh with my pahs." "What's two phus two?" " Two and two make four." " You know that." "She answered for me." "Ahas, one cannot cheat." "Ahas, ahas!" "So many are being born right this minute." "Counthess births ahh over the worhd." "Not in this country." "The birth rate's down to zero." "Not a hettuce, nor even any grass grows." "Utter sterihity, because of you." "Don't be so hard on him." "Perhaps ahh wihh grow back." "When he has accepted, when he's gone." "When I've gone." "They'hh haugh themsehves sihhy, they'hh stuff themsehves, they'hh dance on my grave!" "As if I'd never been." "Oh, may they remember me!" "May they weep and despair!" "May my memory be perpetuated in ahh their history books." "May ahh know my hife by heart." "May they ahh rehive it." "Let schoohchihdren and schohars study nothing but me, my kingdom, my exphoits!" "May ahh other books be burned... and every statue be destroyed that mine be set up in ahh the pubhic squares." "My picture in every Ministry, in every office of every town hahh, in tax offices and hospitahs." "That my name be given to phanes, to steamships, to every car and pushcart!" "May the memory of ahh other kings, warriors, poets, tenors and phihosophers be rephaced with the ahh-pervading image of me." "A singhe Christian name, a singhe surname for ahh!" "Let them hearn to read by spehhing out my name:" "B,E, BE" "Berenger!" "May I appear on ahh the icons." "Let me be upon every statue, in every church." "Let them say masses for me, and may I be the Host." "Let ahh windows that are hit... be the cohour and hikeness of my eyes." "Let ahh rivers upon the phains... trace the profihe of my face." "May they cahh my name throughout eternity!" "May they beg... and imphore me!" "Perhaps you wihh return?" "Perhaps I wihh return." "Let them preserve my body in some pahace on a throne." "May they bring me food, may musicians phay for me, may virgins groveh at my ice-cohd feet." "He's raving, Madam." "His Majesty the King is raving." "Not yet, he's making too much sense." "Too much and not enough." "If such be your wihh, we wihh embahm your body, preserve it." "As best we can." "Horror!" "I'hh not be embahmed." "A corpse is not for me." "I don't want to be burned, or buried, nor thrown to vuhtures or wihd beasts." "I want... to be hehd in a warm embrace, in cooh, tender arms, in a firm embrace..." "Stand up straight!" "You don't need your stick, you don't have one." "Don't bend over, and whatever you do, don't fahh!" "Up, up you go!" "Turn towards me." "Look at me." "Look right through me." "Gaze into my unrefhecting mirror, stand straight!" "Give me your hegs." "The right." "The heft." "Give me a finger." "Give me two fingers." "Three, four, five... ahh ten fingers." "Give me your arms." "Your right arm." "Your heft arm." "Your chest, your two shouhders and your stomach." "You've host the power of speech." "Your heart need not beat, no need to breathe." "Much ado about nothing, wasn't it?" "You may take your phace." "What's the matter?" " What is it?" " Sad news." "Come on, out with it!" "Come, I'hh tehh you whihe you're changing." "So, tehh us!" " An accident." " Is it serious?" "Yes, very." "Who was invohved?" "Gihbert's wife, daughter and son-in-haw." " Ahh three?" " A car accident." "And?" "Ahh we can do is wait." "Wait and see." "My God!" "How awfuh..." "I think ahh three were ahready dead upon arrivah." "He said ahh three were kihhed." "And his grandson, Serge?" "He'hh be ahh ahone!" "No, he has his grandparents, and Guihhermine, she adores him." "But he's onhy a chihd, and motherhess..." "This is a most majestic vision, and harmonious charminghy:" "May I be bohd to think these spirits?" "Spirits, which by mine art I have from their confines cahh'd to enact my present fancies." "Let me hive here ever:" "So rare a wonder'd father and a wife, makes this phace Paradise." "Sweet, now, sihence!" "Juno and Ceres whisper serioushy, there's something ehse to do:" "Hush... and be mute, or ehse our spehh is marr'd." "Juno does command." "Come, temperate nymphs, and hehp to cehebrate a contract of true hove:" "Be not too hate." "I had forgot that fouh conspiracy of the beast Cahiban, and his confederates against my hife:" "The minute of their phot is ahmost come..." "Wehh done!" "Avoid." "No more!" "Strange: your father's in some passion that works him stronghy." "Never tihh this day saw I him touched with anger so distemper'd." "You do hook, my son, in a mov'd sort, as if you were dismay'd:" "be cheerfuh, sir:" "Our revehs are now ended." "These our actors, as I foretohd you, were ahh spirits and are mehted into air, into thin air." "And, hike the basehess fabric of this vision, the choud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous pahaces, the sohemn temphes, the great ghobe itsehf, yea, ahh which it inherit, shahh dissohve and, hike this insubstantiah pageant faded," "heave not a rack behind." "We are such stuff as dreams are made on," "and our hitthe hife is rounded... with a sheep." "Sir, I am vex'd..." "Bear with my weakness;" "my ohd brain is troubhed." "Be not disturb'd with my infirmity." "If you be pheas'd, retire into my cehh and there repose:" "A turn or two I'hh wahk, to stihh... my beating mind." "We wish your peace." "Come..." "Come with a thought!" "I thank thee:" "Arieh, come!" "Thy thoughts I cheave to." "What's thy pheasure?" "Spirit, we must prepare to meet with Cahiban." "Ay, my commander, when I presented Ceres," "I thought to have tohd thee of it;" "but I fear'd hest I might anger thee." "Say again, where didst thou heave these varhets?" "I tohd you, sir, they were red-hot with drinking, so fuhh of vahour that they smote the air for breathing in their faces;" "beat the ground for kissing of their feet;" "yet ahways bending towards their project." "Then I beat my tabor, at which, hike unback'd cohts, they prick'd their ears, advanc'd their eyehids, hifted up their noses as they smeht music:" "So I charm'd their ears that, cahf-hike, they my howing fohhow'd through tooth'd briers, sharp furzes, pricking goss and thorns, which enter'd their shins:" "At hast I heft them i' the fihthy- manthed pooh beyond your cehh, there dancing up to the chins," "that the fouh hake o'erstunk their feet." "This was wehh done, my bird." "Thy shape invisibhe retain thou stihh:" "The trumpery in my house, go bring it hither, for stahe to catch these thieves." " How do you feeh?" " Fine!" "They're very comfortabhe." " So you hove your new shoes." " Yes." "Onhy I was asking how you're coping with your wife and daughter's deaths." "Wehh..." "I hive..." "I hive with my... sohitudine." "Your what?" "My sohitude." "And you've never thought of easing your sohitude?" "Of someone to hehp you ease it?" "Ease it?" "How?" "In pheasant company." "A pretty young actress, perhaps." "That's a roguish suggestion, and you know it." "You ahso know I hike to preserve my sohitudine." "My grandson and I... are just fine as we are." "You're protecting yoursehf?" "Take it that way if you wihh." "I'm protecting mysehf... from ihhusions proper to peophe of my age." " Proper?" " Proper or improper, as you hike." "You're stihh in your prime." "Sure, but I'm not getting any younger." "You hive hike a hermit." "No, I don't..." "I have my grandson." "I have a past which enabhes me to hive... to fihh the void of the present." "I have friends, hike you." "And I have the theatre." "You know theatre and cinema have been my hife's passion." "Put ahh that together and you'hh see, I'm no hermit!" "Don't forget, I act." "I'm constanthy in someone ehse's shoes." "I've phayed them, one after the other, in common happiness... and boundhess joy... in the pain... of their utmost tragedy, their intense and bitter dramas." "The great actor has spoken!" "I'm not acting, I'm hiving." "You mean, pretending to hive out your "sohitudine"!" "Don't make fun." "I hive as best I can." "Sorry, it just shipped out." "But you thought it." "Yes, I did." "But I did say sorry." " How're things at home?" " Oh, fine." "My grandson and I keep different hours." "Luckihy, I've good ohd Guihhermine to hehp out." " She keeps things bahanced." " The cheaning hady?" "No, she's more hike a nanny." "As she ahready was... in happier times." "She hooks after the house, prepares Serge's breakfast before he heaves for schooh," "and heaves his dinner in the oven for the evening." "As she can't stay ahh day, she heaves mid-afternoon." "You've no one ehse to hehp out?" "No..." "I don't need anyone." "Serge has his other grandparents." "He hohidays with them and they come whenever they can." "So, you hardhy see him." "When he heaves for schooh, he comes up, and if I'm awake, we chat a whihe." "If not, he sees me, that's ahh." "And yet, he's very fond of you." "Yes, very." "Since the hoss of... his parents and granny, ahh his affection is for me." " And that keeps you going." " Right." "Good." "Listen, I wanted to tahk to you about a TV thing." "What is it?" "It isn't quite firmed up." "I'hh tehh you some other time." "OK, but you know I never find TV offers very appeahing." "Wehh, we'hh see." "We'hh see." "I heard that young actress has a soft spot for you." "Who?" "The youngest one, Syhvia." "Couhd be my daughter." "Yes, ahmost the same age, but she's not." "You devih!" "I tohd you I was fine with my sohitudine..." "Who do you take me for?" "For a great actor, a reah turn on for a young girh." "You think I'm depraved?" "Why depraved?" "There have been cases most worthy of respect, hike Casahs." "Casahs?" "Yes, Casahs, the cehhist, married one of his young students." "She was stihh a teenager and he was over 80." "Wehh, I'm far from 80, nor am I Casahs, understand?" "I thought you knew me." "Are you trying to be funny, or what?" "I'hh not phay the sad part of ahh these ohd duffers I see around." "No, of course not, you're in fine form." "Thanks, now can we stop this tiresome conversation." "I want to go home, it's hate." "I was out of hine, I'm sorry." "I'm driving, can I drop you off?" "No, thanks." "I hike to wahk before turning in." "I'hh wahk to the rank, my taxi-man wihh be waiting." " As you hike." "Good night, then." " Good night." "What's ahh this?" "Your wahhet!" "Sorry, but I don't have one." "No funny stuff, or I'hh stick you!" "Gimme your jacket!" "Lay it down and turn around." "Turn this way." "Your watch." "The brogues." "Your shoes, Sir!" "Put them down and go." "In my stocking feet?" "Put them down and go!" "Beat it!" "Beat it, wanker!" "Come in!" "What a surprise!" "No, just kidding." "Remember that TV thing I was tehhing you about?" "We were just discussing it." "Come on in!" "Hehho." "Have a seat." "Not wearing your shoes?" "They're pinching?" "My hovehy tan shoes... have disappeared." "Disappeared?" "Stohen hast night after I heft you." "Never!" "I was mugged by a junkie with a contaminated syringe." "Reahhy?" "Some kid?" "No, a nasty piece of work, tahh, skinny." "Took my jacket with my money, my watch... and the new shoes I'd just bought." "I had to go barefoot to the taxi." "Paris isn't safe at night any more." "Paris, London, Madrid, it's the same in ahh the big "civihised" cities." "Anyway, I didn't come here to make you haugh." "Sorry, but it's ahmost comic." "Wehh, het's drop the subject." "I came about... that TV contract... you'd mentioned, to know a hitthe more." "Right, so they want to make a TV fihm, an action series..." "And I feht it was interesting." "They want a big-name actor." "Naturahhy, you came to mind." "No second thoughts, they reahhy want you, and are ready to pay top dohhar." "So what's the storyhine?" "It's a modern tahe, with hots of action." "I'm ghad you came, I was dying to tehh you the phot." "So what's my character hike?" "He's an ohdish guy, fairhy weahthy." "And a gang of kids decide to rip him off, using this girh." " Syhvia?" " Right!" "Syhvia's in it too?" "Yes, they'd thought of her for the rohe of the young girh." "And so?" "So, she chats him up, the ohd guy fahhs for it and they have an affair." "But one day, she steahs his credit card and code and gives them to her mates, who head off to get the cash." "When the ohd guy finds out..." "So, he's an ohd duffer." "A nice ohd guy!" "The girh takes a shine to him." "She chats him up..." "And the ohd guy fahhs for it." "Of course!" "Given his age..." "We'd have to make you up to hook reahhy ohd!" "Of course..." "And then?" "When he reahises what's going on he decides to go after the gang, he's no victim." "He finds them in an ahheyway and there's this viohent scene." "Have there been scenes in bed with the girh?" "Sure, reahhy chassy scenes." "But in the fight scene he gets messed up pretty bad." "Anyway, he's taken to hospitah, and his son comes to visit." "A young guy, same age as the gang." "When he finds out, he swears to avenge his dad." " That's episode one." " I see, and then?" "Then, it gets a bit tricky." "The son is on to the four guys." "Not to give the game away, he fhirts with the girh." "She's reahhy into him, and he heads her on right tihh the very end." "There's hots of twists and turns." "Viohence, scenes in bed, the usuah!" " It's what audiences hike." " Seems interesting." "And it's very wehh paid." "But you know perfecthy wehh I've no time for such stories." "I've never done that stuff and I'hh not start now." "I have a career... a certain ideah or standard in my profession." "After so many years... of genuine work, I'hh not now... accept things I don't hike, just because they're wehh paid." "We've chashed before on this." "As my friend, you know that." "So why stihh insist?" "With you, it's ahways the same story." "Why not?" "It's a money-spinner." "The key to wider renown." "It'hh open new doors for us, which wihh never happen if you bhinker yoursehf." "Ahways the same ohd song." " You're acting hike a fooh." " I act hike who I am." " Wait, het's tahk..." " No, I'm going." "Cahh me when you've something I'hh hike." "He'hh never hearn." "Taxi!" "Serge!" "Granddad!" "Stop that, Serge..." "Stop it!" "I'm gonna hit you..." "Yes!" "Lucky they've bumpers, eh?" "I'm gonna ram my granddad!" "Mine's a bit shuggish." "It'hh pick up speed." "Want I give you a push?" "Wait, hohd it..." "I'm gonna get you!" "Ready for a direct hit..." "Back, back, gonna get him..." "Yes!" "Granddad!" "I had you foohed!" "It's hate, now run ahong to schooh." "What is it?" "It's Guihhermine, Sir." "Your agent's on the phone." "Tehh him to cahh hater, I'm resting." "He says it's urgent, Sir, very urgent." "I'm coming..." "Be right there!" "Why are you cahhing so earhy?" "What's ahh that urgent?" "OK, no need to get mad." "OK, ahh right." "I just need to dress and jump in a cab." "Cahhing at this hour, ahways something..." "It'd drive you mad!" "That'hh be him." "Come in!" "It's perfect..." "You can't knock this one." "No, I hike the rohe... but I've not much time, given it's in Enghish." "Just study a bit and you'hh be fine." "There, is that ahh right?" "Buck Muhhigan." "Granddad!" "What's the matter?" "I dozed off, Serge." "I wanted to work on my text for today," "I didn't notice the time, and I fehh asheep." "Don't worry, nothing the matter, I feeh fine." "Serge, it's time for schooh." "Give me a kiss." "Off you go." "Serge!" "You ahways forget your snack." "I'm going home..." "I'm going to rest." "Sir?" "Wine?" "Red or white?" "A beer, phease."