"Fender... dead." "That old man Fender." "Yeah, it's a funny thing." ""You're a good tailor", he used to say to me." ""Morry, you're a good tailor." "Look around you, I don't care where you look, you're a number one tailor"." "A number one tailor." "All right, I told you..." "I'm a good tailor." "It's only the truth." "I'm a good tailor." "Straight away, I say I made a mistake." "I fell in." ""How much", Fender says to me, "will you take to mend my old coat?"." "It must be 20 years old." "It's falling to pieces on his back." "Look, Fender, do me a favour, take the coat somewhere else." "A new coat I can make, but the union says no miracles." "Who could mend such a coat?" "I finished your new coat..." "as soon as I can." "Didn't I, Fender?" "I got troubles enough." "After all, I'm in Bond Street." "I'm a merchant prince." " I'm not even a limited company." " I thought you was a limited company." "Me?" "Never!" "What do I want with shares and directors and..." "You've got no ambition." "My old governor, that Mr Ranting, managing director, three companies, chairman six companies." "But what a man." "A good sponging - that's all it needs." "You will find the custom all right." "It's a beautiful coat, Morry." "You're a number one tailor." "You ain't dead?" "Sure I'm dead." "Would I sit here in the freezing cold if I wasn't dead?" "Feel my hand." "That lousy brandy." "It can kill you." "I won't touch the rotten brandy again." "Feel." " Believe me, you are cold." " All I want is to get back." "Oh, listen, Morry." "Sit down." "You know they got central heating down there?" " Down there?" " I tell you, Morry, a secret." "Everybody goes down there." "You know who I met?" "Lenny." "Lenny from Fournier Street?" "Who else?" "He's doing the same job and what herrings?" "It's not a pleasure for me to come back here." "Fender..." "You don't hold anything against me, do you, Fender?" "Believe me, if I'd known you would have catched a cold and died," " I would give you mine own coat." " I got nothing against you, Morry." "But my life... a life." "Fender, you ain't going to haunt me?" "You wouldn't haunt an old friend." "Don't talk silly, Morry." "That haunting - it's a special job." "They don't give it to new residents." "For haunting, you get a commission." " So, listen..." " So light a gas ring." "So at least I don't freeze to de..." "Listen to me. "To death", I nearly said." "It's funny." "How I still feel the cold." "Now, Fender, I'm glad you enjoy being dead." "I'm not even getting insulted over that overcoat that you throw it back in my face like machine goods." "Morry, it's nothing personal." "You always was one to take everything so personal." "All right, then." "So, Fender, you won't think I'm rude, if I ask you, what more do you want of my life?" "Not from you I want, Morry, not from you." "But from that Mr Ranting." "I give him 43 years nearly." " He must give me something." " Something?" "43 years a clerk in the Ranting Warehouse Clothing Company." "So long." "43 years next Purim if I didn't die before." "No wonder I don't lose any sleep about dying." "After that place, any change would be a pleasure." " 40 gross celluloid collars." " Collars, 40 gross celluloid." "'Celluloid' makes with a 'c', no 's'." " What more?" " 11 dozen raincoats, Prussian collar." "11 dozen raincoats, Russian collar." "Prussian collar!" "You know something, Mr Ranting?" "It's cold in this warehouse." "I said it's cold, Mr Ranting." "I feel the cold something terrible." "Fender, I don't think you enjoy your work like you did in the olden days." "What an idea." "I enjoy my work." "Certainly I enjoy." "I feel the cold, that's all." "Naturally, you're getting on." "The work's hard." "Nobody is as young as they used to be." "What you are talking, Mr Ranting?" "Nobody is young as they used to be?" "And how could he?" "I'm saying, Fender, an old man is an old man." "Mr Ranting, I'll tell you something." "My father, when he was 70, no, over 70, he could bend a horseshoe straight with his bare hands." "And even he felt the cold bad." "All I'm saying is, stop driving me mad with your crying, "It's so cold, it's so cold"." "Get yourself a new overcoat, you won't feel it." "Mr Ranting..." "I'll make an arrangement with you." "I'll take one of the overcoats, the big ones, with the sheepskin lining, and every week from my wages, take off a certain sum." "No?" "A proposition, Mr Ranting." "One of them coats, Fender?" "Leave me alone." "A coat like that is worth 20 pounds of anybody's money." "What do you make?" "With all due respect, Fender, what do you make?" "You won't live so long to pay off such a coat." "That's true." "So, what can you do?" "17 dozen pair shooting breeches." "17 dozen pair breeches." "Shooting." "Maybe Morry can mend the old coat again." "After all he's a good tailor." "Look, Fender, look, the seams is all rotten." "Look, the lining, it's like ribbons." "Look, the material, it's threadbare." "A tailor like you, Morry, to make such a fuss." "You should be ashamed." " The padding is like an old horse blanket." " Who asked for new padding?" "Only make the coat good." "Who cares about the padding?" "So long as the coat is warm." " It can't be done." " Don't make jokes, Morry." "If I'm telling you it can't be done, it can't be done." "All right, so charge a little more." "Charge?" "What does charge matter?" "I'm telling you, it can't be done." "Why are you so hard for, Morry?" "After all, you can patch with offcuts." "I'm not asking, after all, for West End style." "I should look so smart." "I don't care how smart." "Only mend the coat, Morry." "Fender, listen to me, Fender." "A good coat like I make has got 20 years' wear." "I use good materials, Crombie tweed, what you like." "The best." "Then I use a wonderful lining." "Someone else would make from it a wedding dress, such lining I use." "A wedding dress." "You make marvellous lining, Morry." "I make the whole coat, the buttonholes, the pockets, everything." "Don't I tell everybody?" "Morry?" "A needle like Paganini, I tell everybody." "Fender, for you, I will make such a coat for cost." "How much cost such a coat, Morry?" " Well, three yards, say." " Say two and a half." " And lining?" " Don't worry yourself with lining." "Well, I could make you a good coat for... 12 pound." "You can't mend the old coat?" "Fender, do me a favour." "You're driving me..." "I can ask." "After all, 12 pounds - that's money." "Fender, I break my neck." "Ten pounds for the coat." "You got ten pounds?" "I look like a banker?" "A rise." "You should ask that Ranting for a rise." "He's entitled after so long." "I can save ten pounds." "So I'm going to have made a bespoke overcoat?" "Bespoke is good." "Certainly bespoke." "Do you think I would wear Ranting's rubbish?" "The client's chair." " Thank you." " Now, what material do you want?" " I can choose material?" " There you are." "Patterns." " The grey is not nice for me." " No." " The blue is better." " Blue is nice - you can wear for any occasion." " Nigger brown is fine." " For a young man." " Black is always good." " Black is good, but a nice dark blue is nicer." "Yeah." "Believe me, Morry, I think you're right." "The blue is good." "And thick." "What a material." "I should say." "So you can save ten pound?" "Save?" "Sure I can save." "An old man like me, if I got an overcoat, what do I need?" " Bespoke?" " So?" "What more can I need?" "At least let me put the pockets in." "A bagel." "It's enough." "After all, bread and salt is food." "When I get the coat, I'll put it on, I'll walk up to a table," "I'll sit down in the overcoat..." "Blue, nice..." "Hey, missus, a bowl of soup and a bagel." "I don't think I got room for these bits, no." "I couldn't eat another thing." "I'm full up." "I couldn't eat even a fresh latke or a piece of cheesecake." "16 dozen flying jackets." "With such jackets you can fly?" "How many times have I got to tell you, Fender?" "Don't eat in the warehouse." "It brings the mice." "The mice eat the clothing." "How many clothing can a little mouse eat?" "A ten-pound coat for Fender." "It tastes no good any more." "In the old days, it'd be six clients a week." "A coat, a suit, a spare pair of trousers." "If I had a boy, I wouldn't let him see a needle and thread." "Mind you, for ten pounds it's a wonderful coat." "The material, the seams." "No wind can blow through a coat like this." "Let it blow as much as it likes." "You know, I read an interesting thing somewhere." "When it's cold, it's not really cold." "You are hot." "That's why you feel the cold." "Also you're pulling the muscles." "That's bad." "Fender... his trouble is he's pulled his muscles so far in they won't pull any more." " I come to see how the coat is coming, Morry." " The coat is all right." "There is the coat?" "Should I try it on?" "Well, don't be shy." "What's the matter?" "You're a film starlet?" "You've got to have a changing room or else you won't take off your old coat?" "If I knew I would put my other shirt on." "You've seen it, Morry." "The blue shirt with the tabs on the shoulders." "Very smart." "Why should you?" "Today is a bank holiday?" "Look, Fender, my shirt." "Everybody wears on a working day the old shirt." "In Clacton, the sun is hot." "This makes him the sun, you understand?" "What a hot day!" "Mrs Faldemeyer." "You got a very nice deck chair, Mrs Faldemeyer, on my life." "A wonderful deck chair." "Oh, yes, a new overcoat." "A bespoke overcoat." "It suits me?" "Hey, under the arms is a bit tight." "What are you talking, under the..." "You got plenty room there." "A coat like this makes a difference." "Fender, you like the coat?" "What about a couple of pounds on account?" "I got expenses." " You can manage a couple?" " Certainly." "Now, you know, Morry - 20 shillings - if you save money like I do - 30 shillings - and didn't throw it away on that rotten brandy - 35 shillings - you would be a rich man." " Now, 40 shillings." " 40 shillings, thank you." " And what would I do with my money?" " Ah, question." "What can you do with it?" "I could take an off-licence." "An off-licence?" "That's a good idea." "I'll use my knowledge." "A special line in brandy." "Old stuff." " Napoleon, something good." " How can you know it's good?" "I try every bottle, personal." "I put up a smart notice." ""Morry's Napoleon brandy." "Every bottle personal tasted"." "Thank you for the two pound." "You can spare?" "Sure I can spare." "The coat - it won't be long now, Morry?" "This week I make an exception." "I take a drink tonight." "That way, tomorrow I take less." "Take?" "And what?" "I should put something by?" "For what should I put something by?" "Go on." "You've got something put by, eh?" "An insurance policy?" "Something." "You got family." "in the end, it's the same thing for all of us." "Even for the best must come a day of retirement." "With an extra week's pay." "It's no so bad, Fender, eh?" "A week's pay for doing nothing." "I'll have a drink tonight." "That way, tomorrow I took less." "Like I told him." "I got company?" "So late." "Company?" "You sit there a minute." "Don't go away." "Come back." "Fender, this is an unexpected pleasure." "I was having a dream." "A flying overcoat." "And inside the pockets, bowls of soup." "You know, the soup never upset in the coat." "I got here some brandy." "You never in your life tasted such a brandy." "'Special reserve'." "It must be good." "Go on." "Take a drop." "Oh, it's like fire." "It is good, all right." "It's a good brandy." " I got bad news, Morry." " Where can you buy a brandy like that?" "That Ranting, he give me the sack." " He give you the sack?" " He give me the sack." "After so long, he give you the sack?" " He give it to you." " The sack." "I have with great regrets, Morry, I must tell you... to cancel the coat." "I came to tell you... to cancel the coat." "Take another drop of brandy." "I don't fancy it." "No, it's good for your cough." "Take." "Don't be shy." "Take." "If I can mend this coat, Fender, I would mend it, I want you to know." "But I defy any master tailor to make such a coat good." "What can you do?" "It's just an old coat." "You can't find the rest of the ten pounds?" "I'll finish the coat." "How?" "With a needle." "I told him." "Mr Ranting, I've been with this firm, with your father and your uncle so many years." "All this time I've done the same job." "Nobody complains." "Suddenly, business is so bad, you have to turn me off, huh?" "Let him answer me that." "No good, I tell him." "Excuses." "Anybody can find excuses." "What I ask you, Mr Ranting is, is it right?" "Let him answer me that." "That's what I should have done." "I should have told him off, as big as he is." "The governor." "I used to give him a handkerchief to wipe his nose." "A little boy, crying round the warehouse with his stockings down gives me the sack." "Why?" "I didn't tell him." "Fender, you got something put by, eh?" "Don't worry, I got plenty." "You got family, someone, somewhere." "Don't worry." "I got plenty family." "I think I got a niece..." "with a boarding house in Clacton." "Lovely weather, the whole time." "Such nice weather." "In the morning, I put on my new coat." "I go to Ranting, I tell him, give me that coat with the sheepskin." "Funny thing... a cough like this..." "goes right through you." "Like a bowl of soup." "It flies up through you like a flying jacket." "There he goes." "16 dozen celluloid collars." "'Celluloid' makes with a 'c', not an 's'." "Or 's', no 'c'." "Funny thing, I don't seem to know nothing any more." "And that's how you get dead." "I must thank you, Morry, for your kind consideration, in the matter of making me a bespoke overcoat." "You make a wonderful coat, Morry." "Keep it." "And good luck." " It's no good, Morry." " No?" "It wouldn't make me happy." " Somehow, I must have from Ranting." " A sheepskin coat?" "I give him 43 years nearly." "He owes me." " You know what?" " What?" "We go to Ranting's now." "And we take a coat." "Not a bad idea." "Fender, in your position it's not professional to drink so much at once." " You know I met Lenny?" " You were telling me before." "Now..." "I get through the window and I give you a lift up." "Just a minute." "See if you can walk through the wall." "Don't talk silly, Morry." "If you're a ghost, you can walk through walls." "And if you're not a ghost, at least it's a... a scientific experiment." "That's true." "Look, I'll try." "I feel silly, Morry." "The old way is best." "Through the door." "It would be nice if he'd walked through the wall like I told him." "I even have to tell him how to be a ghost proper." "This way is more respectable." " You missed a great opportunity." " Wait a minute." "The trousers is over here and the jackets..." "Would you believe it?" "I haven't been away five minutes and they shift the jackets." "Here are the coats!" "What about this one?" "No, it's a terrible cut." "This?" " No, not for me either." " Blue is nice." "It's a good lining!" "That's a silk lining!" "For what?" "This is different." "This I'll take." "Oh, it's a nice weight, Fender." "There you are." "That's it." "Yeah, but the workmanship, it's not so nice." "How many times do I have to tell you, Morry?" "It's not personal." "Only I must have a coat from Ranting." "He owes me!" "It's terrible cold in here." "We can go?" " My work is better." " Certainly your work is better." "So now you're all right?" "I feel all right." "Fender... you know something?" "That brandy... is good." "So, Fender, you're going now?" "You'll go back to the... hotel?" "Where else have I got to go?" "You should give to Lenny my best regards." "He's selling herrings like hot cakes all day long." "He'll be pleased." "A long life to you, Morry." "May you come to your place in peace..." "Fender." "Pray for me." "I done my best by you, Fender." "Didn't I?" "Pray for me."