"Lila!" "Lila!" "Lila!" "Do you think this will affect the sales of your book?" " Lila, are you sorry you did it?" " I'm not sorry." "I am sorry." "I don't even know what sorry means anymore." "I'm not sorry." "So I spend the rest of my life in jail." "So what?" "I've been in jail my whole life anyway." "A jail of blood and tissue..." "and coursing hormones." "A jail called the human body." "The only thing I know is that I'm sorry." "Sorry for my expulsion." "Sorry for my Lila rotting in her jail cell." "And sorry for Nathan... rotting in his grave." "I don't even know what sorry means anymore." "It's odd." "When I was alive, I knew." "Maybe it was all I knew." "But here... sorry is meaningless." "Love is meaningless." " Jealousy is meaningless." " My story begins when I was 12." "Jesus." "Something terrible happened that year." "My mother said because of it, I would never be able to get a man." "So I should get used to the idea of dedicating my life to the pursuit... of knowledge or religion or whatever." "It's hormonal." "Nature is a funny and complex thing." "It could get worse with time." "By the time I was 20, I looked like an ape." "The way that mouse looked at me." "It didn't care if I had hair all over my body." "I was just what I was." "I felt so free." "Do you understand what I'm saying?" "Something about a mouse, right?" "I don't think there's anyone in the world who doesn't know... by now that I was raised in the wilderness by an ape." "Well, to be fair, by a man who thought himself an ape." "But... it amounts to the same thing, gentlemen, does it not?" "After spending years in a mental hospital for attempting to... take up residence in the ape house of the local zoo... he did his best to live by your rules." "He got a job... he married a human, they had me." "Until a national tragedy undid all those years of therapy... and reminded him what the human race was truly about." "Apes don't assassinate their presidents, gentlemen." "So, he stole little me from my human mother... and raised me with love and tenderness and respect." "Until quite recently gentlemen, I believed myself to be an ape." "Although, I didn't know specifically what type." "Apes don't think in terms of type." "It might be argued, gentlemen... that apes don't even know they're apes." "In retrospect, however, I'd say I was a... pygmy chimp." "I have to say I always hated apes." "Of course, I don't any longer." "Now I don't even know what hate means." "But while alive, I hated apes." "I blame my parents." "I mean, I don't blame them." "I don't know what blame is really, anymore, but..." "I think they influenced me in my ape-hating tendencies." "Mama, look!" "Monkey!" "Nathan, chimpanzees are apes, not monkeys." "And furthermore, Harold, tell the boy." "Tell him, Harold." "The ape is our closest biological relative." "Specifically..." "the pygmy chimp." "A single chromosome separates us." "But do you know what..." " truly separates us?" " No, Papa, what?" "Civilization." "Without it, we might as well be living in pens... throwing our feces... masturbating in public, sniffing red, swollen female rump." "Your adoptive father and I whisked you away from a life... that most certainly wouldve been one of degradation and alcoholism." "Your part of the bargain is to never wallow... in the filth of instinct." "Any dumb animal can do that." "An animal saved my life... so I decided to go live among them in the forest." "You see, animals have eyes that don't judge." "Look at all the hair, everywhere, everywhere." "On the possum and the woodchuck and the cuddly old bear." "I used to be embarrassed of hair." "Not fit to caress." "Now, I'm so sure it's a blessing..." "I've got no need of dressing." "I once thought God A Creator diabolical" "He gave the nod To each one of my follicles" "Head to my baby toe" "Now I'm free No more cares" "I've accepted My millions of hairs" "My new friends These split ends" "Far away from Those terrible stares" "Squirrels don't mind Nor do ravens" "If a girl is furred Or clean-shaven" "Creatures are kind so I have Found my new green haven" "And I ain't gonna go" "Cause I'm one of them You know" "I figured out a way to stay in the woods forever." "I became a nature writer." "Last night, on my mountaintop..." "I felt the wind whip through my hair." "It was violent." "I almost died." "All my petty concerns were sent flying with those gale force winds." "I was in nature." "I was nature!" "An otter, a stork, an oak tree." "A woman." "When I became a famous nature writer, I said to myself..." ""Fuck humanity." I never saw my public, I never saw my publisher." "I never saw another human being and it was wonderful." "But I have to admit by the time I was 30, I was very horny." "I had to have a man in my life." "I would become what I needed to become to achieve this." "My success would allow me to afford to become a hairless lie." " Progress!" " Yeah?" "Yeah." "Honey, you are getting smooth, smooth, smooth all over." " Smooth as a baby's butt." " I love it, Louise." " I'm getting like a real girl." " You still in the market for..." " a real boy?" " Always." "Cause my brother knows this guy." "Might be right up your alley." "Tell me." "I could use someone up my alley." "I don't get that." "Something sexual?" "Shut up and tell me." " Handsome, 30s, psychologist." " Loves animals?" " Must love animals, Louise." " Loves animals." "Loves you." "What do you mean?" "Well, somehow it came up that you're a friend of mine... and Mr. Handsome Animal-loving Psychologist said..." " that he would love to meet you." " Won't he be able to tell?" "My brother says the guys a 35-year-old virgin." "So, maybe he won't know how a woman usually feels." "Plus, he has bad eyesight." "Almost legally blind." "Which is very helpful in this situation." "Plus... he has an extremely small penis of which he is mortifyingly ashamed." "And chances are... he will be so grateful for any non-judgmental attention..." " he will be yours forever." " He must be really close... to your brother to tell him such personal stuff." "Oh, yeah." "My brothers his shrink." " Fuck Humanity's a delightful read." " Thank you so much." " Yes, I'm a real animal lover." " I work with animals." "Right now..." "I'm teaching mice..." "well... table manners, to be candid." " And how's it going?" " I hope you don't think me daft." "It's important work." "It's part of a larger sociological experiment." " I'm federally funded." " What's the larger experiment?" "My thesis is that courtesy, decorum, manners are all... sadly lacking from our daily intercourse." "Rudeness and... vulgarity are the norm." "Ergo, if I can teach table manners... to mice, then I can teach them to humans." "And if I can teach table manners to humans, then maybe..." "I can... make the world a little bit safer." "Lord, thank You for this bountiful gift we are about to receive." "Amen." "Oh, God, Nathan." "No." "That's the wrong fork, young man." "Harold, tell him." " It's the wrong fork." " I'm sorry." "I'll use the right one." "I forgot." "Harold." "Tell him." "It's too late." "You'll have to go to your room." "And do you think, maybe, this... early childhood indoctrination has something to do with... your interest in table manners in the present?" "Seems a tad convenient, don't you think, Wendall?" "Well, do you have any thoughts then on where this passion..." " might've come from?" " It's my work." "You cant reduce my passion to parental indoctrination." "Why did Picasso paint?" "Why did Mozart compose?" "Picasso's father was a painter." "Mozart's father was a musician." "Yes, okay." "Now you're being nasty." "Now you're just showing off." "I really didn't come here to be mocked." "Well, that certainly wasn't my intention." "It's my work, Wendall." "That's all." "Voilà." "This looks wonderful." "You look wonderful." "I'm on top of the world tonight, Lila." "My work is going splendidly and my personal life..." "The fork." "Fork!" "I'm sorry?" "It's just... the outside fork is usually the salad fork." " One goes from the outside in." " Oh, I'm sorry." "I never really..." " learned these things." " It's no biggie." "Oh, boy, this is good." " I'm sorry if I became upset." " No, I'm sorry." "I'm a little backwards in some ways." "It's just that I really enjoy your company." " You do?" " Yes." "Please, Lila." "Please don't talk when you have food in your mouth." "You're so pretty, and it only mars your..." "I'm being critical." "I cant believe you think I'm pretty." "I have some peculiarities, you see." " I think you're pretty, too." " You do?" "Yes, I really do." "And I have peculiarities, also." "Well, I don't care." "I don't care." " No?" " No." "Like what, for example?" "Like..." "Nothing." "I cannot believe how in love with this man I am." "Louise, he's so cute." "Even his little penis." "It's like a little pig's penis or something." "It's charming." "Well, you've always been an animal lover." " He's gonna find out, Lou." " You're a wonderful woman." " He's lucky to have you." " Louise... you're removing hair from my feet as you say that." "So you have a physical quirk." "Big deal." "I'll tell you what I fall in love with in a man... his mind, period." " There's a limit." " No, period." "End of sentence... end of paragraph, close the book, we're done." "me a man with intellect, like my brother." "I know he's average looking, but he's so smart." "You know?" "I could care less about the packaging." " You don't fuck the packaging." " Yeah, you do." "You fuck the mind, Lila." "You fuck the mind, period." "Close the book, end the sentence, close the whatever." "Hey." "I have a really smart friend for you." "He has an I.Q. of 170." " What's he look like?" " Oh, he's gorgeous." " He's sort of a midget." " Jesus, Lila." "I'm not dating a fucking midget." "What is love anyway?" "From my new vantage point, I realize that... love is nothing more than a messy conglomeration of need... desperation, fear of death and insecurity about penis size." "But I'm not judging it." "I know how miserable it is to be alive." "Listen..." "I don't want to be dead yet." "Is there any way to..." "Hello?" "No, I suppose not." "No biggie." "Anyway, Lila moved in." "We had our problems... but we both wanted love so badly, we turned a blind eye." "Like the first time I brought Lila to meet my parents." "It's lovely to finally meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Bronfman." "Nathans told me so much about you." "All good things, of course." "Thank you, dear." "I'm sorry, will somebody please tell me who this little boy is?" "Your father and I have adopted an additional son." "Wayne just returned from a week at Peace Camp... and a week at Science Camp." "Tell everyone what you've learned." "Conflict resolution and flatworm dissection." " Very nice to meet you, Wayne." " Nice to meet you." "Our moms..." " told me so much about you." " Yes, I wish I could say the same." "By the way, his elbow is on the table." " Good boy." " Good boy?" "That's it?" "Good boy?" "You shouldn't be speaking to your mother in that tone of voice." "Forgive me, but it seems to me that Wayne needs a tad more disci" "Sorry, Mom." "I don't know where my head was." "Wayne is quite self-disciplined for his age." " Meaning?" " He does seem very disciplined." "But I wonder, do you think it's the best thing for a child" "Lila's a nature writer, Mother." "Did you know that?" "She writes about animals and nature and other things... about nature in addition to that." "Wind, animals, what have you." "Squirrels." "I love nature." "As long as it stays in the zoo where it belongs." "I hate Wayne." "Don't you?" "Listen." "I'm sorry about my mother's reaction to your work." " What are you doing in there?" " You didn't seem sorry when... you were laughing at her endless stupid, cruel animal jokes." "I was simply attempting to keep the evening light." "You know I feel similarly to you about nature." " Do you?" " Oh, yes." "Of course." "I love it." " Do you?" "Oh, do you, darling?" " It's my favorite, nature." "I'm so relieved." "Lets celebrate tomorrow with a long hike in the woods." "Oh, what a great idea." "That shaving cream?" "I don't think so." "Why?" "Then, gentlemen, one day I saw something I hadn't seen since... my fathers death." "I saw other apes." "They chattered away in what seemed to be gibberish." "Later, I learned it was English." "Now I wonder if perhaps my initial assessment hadn't been correct." "I saw a flash of white." " Did you see that?" " What?" " I don't know." "Something." " A deer?" "No, too upright." "A person?" "It might behoove us to turn back at this point." "If it's a person, why should we go see it?" "It's not like it's nature." "Lila, people who live in the woods don't want to be seen." "We should respect their wishes." "This is how you get ticks." "This is it." "Lyme disease." "For Gods sake, what are you" "An ape as I had never seen before." "Like me, yet different." "And all at once I felt a heat pass through me." "Gentlemen, I wanted to touch her, caress her, to be one with her." "I had urges I could not explain." "And so I did what any animal would do in that situation." "He bolted." "Who are you?" "You don't understand my language, do you?" "Now look what you've done." "Is he dead?" " No." " Please put something on." "It's cold, you'll catch a cold." "What do you suppose he is..." " a survivalist?" " I think he's feral." "Feral?" "Oh, don't touch him." "He might be diseased." "Oh, my God, rabies!" " He looks perfectly fine." " My God, I think we should go." "Nathan, I don't understand you." "This is fascinating." "Here's a human being, totally uncontaminated by civilization." "And all you want to do is run to the car." " You're starting to annoy me." " Forget the mice." "Forget guinea pigs." "Forget cats." "Monkeys, too." "I'm on to stage five, the human subject." "No." "I can change him." "I can teach him." "I can save this unfortunate mans life!" "I won't let you, it's wrong." "He's happy here." "Happy?" "Is he happy?" "Never to know the love of a good woman." "Never to read Moby Dick or marvel at a Monet." "You'd be taking away his freedom." "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, Lila." "Doctor?" "Good morning." "Only three shocks." "A chimp takes 15." "This is going to be trés simple, no, Gabrielle?" " Oui, doctor." " Good morning." " We need to give him a name." " Oui." " You decide." "Today is your day." " Really?" "My day?" "I had a sweet little mongrel dog named Puff when I was a girl." "Puff." "This one reminds me of my dog." "All shaggy." "So cute." "I loved my doggie very much, Monsieur." "Puff it is, then." " Puff Bronfman." "Is that okay?" " Oui, perfect." "Good morning, Puff Bronfman." "My name is Dr. Bronfman... and this is my assistant, Gabrielle." "We're your mommy and daddy while you're here." "Would you like some salad, son?" " Dr. Bronfman!" "Dr. Bronfman!" " Hi, Gabrielle." "I just wanted to tell you that I very much enjoy working with you." "Now I'm embarrassed that I say this." "No, no." "Don't be." "I really enjoyed hearing that." " You're a terrific assistant." " Merci." "Would you like to go get a cup of coffee, perhaps?" "Well, I don't know." " Actually, I'm on my way to..." " Now I am truly embarrassed." "Forgive me." "I should not have asked such a stupid question." " You're a very important man." " Don't be silly." "You're so sweet." "There, there." "You know just the right thing to say to me." "I see you tomorrow, okay?" "Unless..." "Am I fired now?" "No." "Of course not, Gabrielle." "I like it when you say my name." "Is that stupid?" "Hello?" "Hi, Gabrielle." " Yes, right, Gabrielle." " Who is it?" " Who is it?" " Someone from work." "I think you took the right initiative, Gabrielle." "It shows you to be very wise." "Oh, really?" "Gabrielle..." "Could you hold on just one minute, please?" " Who is it, Nathan?" " I am on a work call... and I" "Nathan, I" "It's hormonal." "I can't help it." " Your entire body?" " I'm doing electrolysis." "It takes time." "It's working, but in the meantime I have to shave" " You have to shave?" "Like an ape?" " Apes don't shave..." " you son of a bitch!" " Don't quibble..." " you know what I mean." " Please don't be mad at me." " I'm not mad, I'm disgusted." " I'm the same person." "I have to think." "I have to go." "Hello?" "Is anybody there?" "No, thank you." "I couldn't eat another bite." "It is lovely to make your acquaintance." "My apologies, madam." "It shan't happen again." " My compliments to the chef." " Idiopathic hirsutism occurs... in women who have hair follicles highly sensitive to... normal female androgen levels." "How could I find myself in this mess?" "Is my girlfriend a man?" "No." "But she deceived me." "She has hair, she's not supposed to." "Oh, doctor!" "I did not know." "I'm sorry to disturb you." "I just came for some papers I left." "Sorry I startled you, I just came to think." " My God, did I hang up on you?" " Oui." "Perhaps I called at a bad time?" " I am sorry." " I'm sorry." "I was distracted." " Is everything fine?" " Oui." "Now you've got me talking French." "I was in my p. j. 's when I remembered I left some papers..." "I need to go over." "See?" "I rushed right out of the house." " I must look a mess." " No, not at all." "I'm in my p. j. 's, too." "Funny, huh?" "And how is our son?" " What?" " Our son." "Puff." "He seems fine." "I guess we woke him up with the lights." "I should turn them off." "Maybe I sing him a lullaby my mama sang to me... when I was a little girl." " When you're a little French girl?" " But of course, silly." "That might be very soothing..." "for him to hear that." "Can you point me to the Cezanne exhibit?" "There." "Shall we close up, then?" "I shouldn't say this, but..." " you're a pretty girl, Gabrielle." " Really?" " I always think of myself so ugly." " No." "Well, no, not ugly, but plain." "A wallflower." "Not at all." "You're a very pretty girl." "You should know that." " You should be confident." " Thank you so much." "Merci." "It is too wonderful to hear a man say such a nice compliment." " It's true." "I wouldn't lie." " You are sweet to me." "So soft." " Doctor..." " I'm sorry." "I saw it, gentlemen." "I saw the whole sweaty, passionate... ugly, beautiful act." "And to use the vernacular..." "I wanted me some of that." "And I think I understood from that moment... that in order to get some, I would have to play their game." "Excellent, Puff, excellent." "Excellent." "Now, the lady you're with excuses herself to go powder her nose." " Perfect, Puff, perfect." " Bravo." "I still feel guilt, even dead." "One would have hoped that..." "You know, I really did love Lila." "It's just that with her problem and then when Gabrielle... revealed her feelings, I..." "She was just so conventionally female." "She had that accent." "I..." "I was lost from then on." "Are you seeing somebody else, Nathan" "I'm sorry to ask but I need to know." " Of course not." " It would be helpful to know." "No." "Because, you know, lately, you seem so distant." "You work late every night and we hardly ever have sex... and when we do, it's..." " different." " I've been preoccupied lately." "Do you like my new look?" " It's nice." " Really?" "I'm trying, you know." "I'm trying to be what you want." "I want to be what you want me to be, Nathan." "All I want is to be what you want." " You're exactly what I want." " Really?" "Sure." "Of course." "I'm really trying." "You know what?" "Louise said that I only have two more years of electrolysis." " That's great." " And I signed up for ballet class." "Look at my nails." "Like a real girl!" " That's a great color on you." " Oh, Nathan, let's have a baby." "So that's the nightmare I've been ha for the life of me, figure out what it's about." " I think it may be about Lila." " Lila?" "How?" "Ever since she broached the subject of children you've been... on edge, and I know you have an issue with her body hair." "I see that." "That's something to consider." "I felt it had more to do with child-rearing concerns." "The monkey-baby representing parenta..." "I think it's important that you look at your feelings for Lila." "Well, I love Lila." "She's wonderful." "And she loves me." "That's no small potatoes." "And she's a good person." "That's pretty rare in this world." "How could I stop loving someone... because of a little physical imperfection?" " If it can even be called that." " How do you feel about Gabrielle?" "Good evening..." "ladies... and gentle..." "men!" "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." "Bravo, Puff, bravo!" "Isnt Puff doing spectacularly?" "Nathan, we have to talk, you and I." " My little French poodle." " Stop, get away." " What is it?" " You have to choose." "It is like Sophie's Choice." "Only it is Nathan's Choice." "Did you ever see that movie, Sophie's Choice?" "It is like that." "Only it is this." " I'm trying to sort things out." " It is now that you must decide!" "I love you, Dr. Nathan." "But I will not wait." "I will not be your chippy... your little Mademoiselle Parlez-vous side dish." "I want to have..." "a sweet, tiny baby... inside my belly... from you." "I love you so much, Gabrielle." "But?" "But?" "There is a "but," Nathan." "I don't know how to leave Lila." "Goodbye, Nathan." "Oh, Nathan." "I'm so happy!" "I know everythings going to be just great." "Voilà." " Voilà." " Thanks." " How's work?" " Cruddy." "You satisfied?" "I don't want your work to be cruddy." "I'm sorry." "My assistant quit today." "He was highly valuable to the project." "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry." " Can you find somebody else?" " I guess." "Whatever." "I could come work for you." "I know I haven't been that... supportive of the project, but I've come around." "It's a wonderful project." "You taking that... poor, uncivilized creature and turning him into a human being." "What a compassionate, kind man you are." " I had sold my fucking soul." " I let her sell her soul." "I stood by as she did it." "It's inexcusable." "At the time, though, I thought it might be good for her." "When she came to work with Nathan, gentlemen, she seemed different." "I don't know, somehow..." "soulless." "Bravo!" " Bravo to you, Puff." " Bravo!" "Tame me, doctor." "Tame your little monkey of love." " Well, I'm tamed, Dr. Bronfman." " I'm glad... my assistant." "Thank you." "I'll start today with the fois gras." " I gotta crow" " I gotta crow" "I gotta crow" " and raised to the highest of culture and refinement." "This is a priceless gift bestowed upon me by Dr. Nathan Bronfman." " End of tape 43." " I think he's ready." "Oh, boy!" "Oh, boy." "Now, Puff, we're leaving the electric collar on." "I don't think we'll need to shock you, but just in case." "Okay." "That's fair." "Congratulations." " Oh, thank you." " No, Puff bad!" " My apologies, madam." " It's all right, Puff." "It shan't happen again." "Shall we?" "This is great, Puff." "You're doing fine." "I'm loving this." "It's such a treat to be out and about." "What a wonderful invention the city is, the immense buildings... of glass and steel glinting in the afternoon sun... the smartly dressed women in their best summer frocks..." " the colorful street vendors." " How is everything?" "Just spectacular." "Great salmon." "Fantastico!" "You've got to give me the recipe." "My compliments to the chef!" "I'm glad you like it." "The chef will be very... pleased." "So, will that be all?" "It shan't happen again, I swear." "I'm just getting my sea legs, you know?" "It's an animal urge, Puff." "It's nothing to be ashamed of." "Lila!" " Tell him." " You have to control it." "We're not monkeys." "Lila?" "Good, you're doing fine." "You're doing very nicely, Puff." "I'm pleased." "Excellent." "Great." "Excellent work, Puff." "Extra dessert tonight." "Tomorrow, the acid test." " How ya'll doing today?" " Very well." " Very well." " Good enough." "What can I get you?" "Puff, why don't you order first?" " What's a Reuben, please?" " What's a what, sweetheart?" "A Reuben." "That's a sandwich with corned beef and sauerkraut" "Fine!" "That's what I'll have." "Corned beef is a good... decent meat." "Someone else please go now, please." "I'll have the big basket." "I'm proud of you, Puff." "You did remarkably well under difficult circumstances." " Absolutely." " Did I?" "I tried so hard!" "I really concentrated!" "Oh, I'm so happy!" "And because you did so well, we have a little surprise for you." " Extra dessert?" " Even better." "Surprise!" "Free to come and go as you please." "There's even some..." ""mad money" in the night table drawer for you." "It's wonderful!" "Do you think I'm ready, do you really?" "I trust you'll make good, mature decisions." "I trust you'll do the proper thing." "I will." "Your very trust has instilled an enormous sense... of responsibility in me." "I don't want to disappoint you." "Good." "Remember, when in doubt... don't ever do what you really want to do." " That's the key." " Got it." "Oh, sorry, darling!" "When some things are known... of which, the one inheres in the other or is locally distanced" " related in some way to the other... the mind straightaway knows by virtue of that simple... apprehension of those things, whether the thing inheres or... does not inhere, whether it" "I'm going to go down and check on Puff." "See how he's holding up." " Should I come?" " Nah, you just relax." " How's the book?" " Mmm, good." "I won't be long." "Forget it!" "Maybe I'll just stay here and get shitfaced again." " That's a classy idea." " It passes the time, doesn't it?" " Yeah, what?" " Hi, it's Nathan." "Call you back." " You bastard!" "What do you want?" " Just want to talk." "You have made your decision, Mr. Stinky American." " I've got some things to tell you." " Like what?" "I think it would be easier if I could talk to you face to face." " What for?" " Well, I think" "You think too much!" "All you are is one big thing... with lots of thinks in it!" "Full of thinks!" "So many thinks that you have nothing to think at all!" " What?" " You heard me." "You make me want to be sick when you pretend that... you don't understand what I am saying to you." "Go away from here!" " I'm sorry to have bothered you." " All right, already!" "Come in if you must." "The doors open, you son of a bitch!" "In here, you lousy piece of merde." " Well?" " God, you're beautiful." " Please, I look a mess." " No, you look so beautiful." "Anyway, come already to the point." "I'm going to leave Lila." "I can't stop thinking about you." " I've moved on." " I love you, Gabrielle." "Just give me some time to let Lila down easy." "She's a really nice girl." "I don't want to hurt her anymore than necessary." "You hurt me, you know..." "when you made Nathans Choice." "Does that not even matter to you, you pig?" " You were gone a long time." " Puff and I got into a... big, philosophical discussion." "He really is quite well-read... considering he's only been literate for a month now." "He's going to make us really famous, Lila." " So he's doing okay?" " Yes." "Very well." "Just a quiet evening enjoying his new digs." "That's funny, because I just went and picked him up... at a flophouse on the lower eastside." "He called here after he ran out of his mad money... where hed spent the entire evening drinking... watching strippers and fucking a whore." "So, what did you do tonight, honey?" " Shit." " What did you do tonight, honey?" "I'm in love with somebody else, Lila." " And what did you do tonight?" " I fucked her, ok?" "I fucked her!" "Do you know what I gave up to be with you?" " Yes." " I gave up my soul!" "I gave up my beliefs." "I gave up my body hair." "So, without further ado..." "I give you Dr. Nathan Bronfman..." "and Puff." "Thank you." "Lets get right to it." "Here we have Puff on the day of his capture." "No maid service!" "Cant you read the fucking "do not disturb" sign..." " hanging on my fucking doorknob?" " Lila, it's Louise." "Go the fuck away, Louise!" "To say that he took me from crayons to perfume... would be a vast understatement." "Dr. Bronfman took me from playing with my own feces... then to crayons... then to an appreciation of the complex works of Franz Kline..." "Joseph Beuys, Marcel Duchamp." "From compulsive masturbation" "This is who I am, Louise." "This is what I look like!" "This is me!" "And I don't want to pretend anymore." "I offer you electrolysis because... jeez, that's all I have to offer." "But I want whatever makes you happy, okay?" " Does this make you happy?" " Why won't they let me be happy?" "I don't know what to do." "I don't know what to do." " And I killed Puff." " No." "Puffs not dead." "Sort of, he is." "And sort of, I did it." "You'll come home with me." "We're going to fix you right up." "We'll work around the clock until it's done." "And so, goodnight, adieu..." "until we meet again." "Au revoir." " You were wonderful." " Was I?" "I wasn't a tad stiff?" "Oh, don't be silly." "And you were wonderful, too." "I especially liked the way you said, "Au revoir."" "Come on you two." "Lets go celebrate." "That's it." "My name's Puff." "And now, the tango." "I thought it went swimmingly today." " You two make an excellent team." " Fantastic." "To be taken from the depths of depravity and ignorance... and raised to the heights of culture and refinement." "This is the priceless gift bestowed on me by..." "Dr. Nathan Bronfman." "Done." "So, we have 17 new bookings, my wonderful man." "Terrific." "We're all going to be rich and famous." " Thanks to you, Nate." " Thanks to you, buddy." "And your diligence and your intelligence and perseverance." "And, of course, to you, my sweet, for your... for your moral support." "Excuse me." "Are you Dr. Bronfman?" " Yes." " Is that a little boy?" "No, Puff." "This is a dwarf." "I guess they prefer to be called "little people"..." " Isnt that correct, my good man?" " In actuality..." "I prefer to be called Dr. Edelstein." "Dr. Edelstein is a fully-grown adult, Puff, believe it or not." " Who, due to a genetic anomaly" " Achondroplasia." " who, due to achondroplasia, is actually a miniature human being." "Interesting." "Dr. Edelstein, what is it we can do for you?" "For starters, you can find your way into... that ludicrous Lucite case." " Not you." " Look, what is this about?" "We have no money on the premises." "Please, if you're from some... little person, or rather, achondroplasiac terrorist group..." "I want you to know I fully support your cause" "I'm beginning to tire of you, Dr. Bronfman." " Lila?" " Surprised, dearheart?" " This is Lila?" " Yes, this is Lila." "Cunt!" "American and proud of it." "The hairs gone, Nathan." "All taken care of." "And I have muscles now." "And I get looks every day in the street." " You're beautiful." " Do you want to touch me, or what?" " Yes." " Poor baby." "Thank you, Frank." "You're the best." "Anything and everything for you, my dear." "Frank and I both know what it is to be shunned... because of our appearance." ""The attempt to force human beings to despise themselves... is what I call hell." "Andre Malraux." "Sorry, parkings a bitch at this place." "There's an overflow lot across the street." "Yeah, I found it." "Just over on Tilton." "You cant miss it." "Right next to the V.A. hospital." "Wed be happy to validate your stub." "Tie them up." "With pleasure." "All right, Fifi, give me your hands." "Come on." "Stay." "Bad." "Get up." "Stop." "Take off your clothes." "Come on." "Off." "We're going back to nature, you and I. I'm going to retrain you." " I'm going to make you free again." " But I like being human now." " I want to be the way I was before?" " Good!" "I'm going to show you how." "And so began my re-education, gentlemen." "Lila taught me so much." "She was a stern but fair teacher." "And over time..." "I began to remember the joy of living in a pure state of being." "But something else happened as well." "Something perhaps distinctly human." "Boy, you look so good from this angle." "Sorry." "You're looking lovely this evening." "Hello, my name is Puff." "I am a perfect gentleman." "Do you want to touch me, Nathan, or what?" "I think something is wrong with Nathan." "I, too, think something is wrong with you, Nathan." "You have changed." "You are moody." "You lash out." "I feel when you make love to me... you really make love to someone else!" "He hardly looks at me during our love-making sessions." "I would never stop looking at you if you were my girl." "Mother, will you please tell Wayne to stop..." " hitting on my girlfriend?" " He's a 6-year-old boy, Nathan." "He's hitting on her." "That's not hitting on her?" "Calm down, no one's hitting on anyone." "Maybe you could learn something from your brother... about how to treat a woman." "Do you no longer love me, or what?" "Tell me now!" "Just as I suspected." "Get down from the tree." "Oh, please." "Is that as articulate as you can be... after all the time I spent teaching you?" "We discussed Wittgenstein, for Gods sake." "Not that you ever had anything enlightening... to say on the subject." "Don't worry, Lila." "I'm only here for Puff." "I'm with Gabrielle now." "She's a wonderful girl." "Not some sweaty, dirty... lusty girl." "Can I touch you, Lila?" "Just smell you... how you smell now..." "all dirty and powerful." "Please teach me to be an ape, too." "I'll study really hard." "See, I've been practicing." "I'm not really good at it yet..." "but watch." "I'm trying." "Put the gun down." "Please, lets be reasonable human beings here." "You and Lila stay and have your natural life." "I'll go." "You'll never see me again." "I'm not an ape." "Can I talk?" "I have to talk." "Hello, Nathan." "Nice to see you." "Allow me to explain my position." "Before you found me..." "I was a simple complete being in harmony with my world." "After you, I became duplicitous, anal, totally out of touch... with my surroundings." "In a word, Nathan..." "I became you." "Lila has reintroduced me to myself." "Hello, Lila." "I love and honor you." "I think you should put the gun down." "Please!" "Don't interrupt me." "How very rude of you." "Words, words, words." "Words are evil!" "Are they not evil, these words we use?" "Does anyone know the definition of simultanagnosia?" "I was intending to look it up before Lila saved me." "It's the inability to perceive elements as components of a whole." "Thank you!" "Thank you!" "My pleasure." "Don't mention it." "Good to see you again." "Stop!" "Okay..." "Now I'm confused." "Nothing's right." "I need to make sense." "I need..." "I need to make..." " Puff, you're agitated." " I talk!" "I!" "I talk!" "Not you!" "I!" "I talk!" "I sing." "I dance." "I kill you." "And then..." " I shot Nathan." " Then Lila shot Nathan." "Then Puff shot me." "Then I died." "That's all I know." "That's the end of my story." "Do I go to heaven now?" "Or is it hell?" "Or what?" "I just stay here?" "I just stay here and tell it again?" "Puff..." "What happened to you is as much my fault as Nathan's." "I'm going to turn myself in for the murder." " I won't let you do that." " Stay here in the woods." "This is a sacrifice I need to make." "Then I'll live for both of us." "I'll be the most... free..." " truest animal in the whole forest." " That's what I'm counting on." "But, first, go back and testify before Congress about... the waywardness of humankind." "Okay." "If you think it'll help." "And so, gentlemen, that is my story." "I agreed to testify before this committee because I hope... to convey to the American public that there is indeed... a paradise lost." "Human beings have become so enamored... of their intellectual prowess that they've forgotten to... look to the earth..." "as a teacher." "This is hubris, my friends." "And my story of destruction and betrayal is proof of that." "I will keep my promise to Lila." "I will shed this suit... and return to the wilderness." "I will live out my days naked..." "and free." "Thank you, sir, and God bless you." "Your story has deeply touched us all." "We will pass some legislation addressing this problem." "Thank you." "That is all I ask." "Goodbye, Lila." "I take you with me in my untamed heart." "I have to say, the crowd is just eating it up." "I think that maybe he has touched us all with his message... of respect for the natural world." "And perhaps we have all grown a little bit today." "He's just turned west on Warren Aven" "Wait!" "I saw you on C-Span." "I've been looking for you for 30 years." "Then there you were." "Such a beautiful..." "beautiful grown man." " Mother?" " Yes, Derek." "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mother." "But I'm an ape like Dad was, and..." "I have to go back into the woods now." "Forever." "Oh, I suppose so." "I suppose that's what I thought you were going to say." "It's good to see you again, though." "I'm in the book." "If you want to drop me a line or something." "I'm an ape, Mom." "I'm an ape." "And apes don't drop lines." " Hello, my little boy." " Hey, Ma." "Did you bring any clothes?" "I'm freezing my ass off." "Oui." "Nathan's suit." "Sweet." "You know..." "I've wanted you forever." " Say my name." " Gabrielle." " You remind me so much of Nathan." " Like father, like son." "Plus, so much of my little mongrel doggie." " Lets go eat." "I'm starving." " French?" "Oui."