"A film inspired by the hero of Dostoyevsky's novel "The Idiot"" "Return of the idiot" "Starring" "Produced by" "Written and directed by" "Dedicated to Miloš Kabyl" "What are you doing in here?" "They gave me a reservation." "Are you following me?" "You were on the last train too." "No, I swear I'm not." "You swear you're not what?" "Following you." "Sorry if it seems that way." "Could you turn away?" "Excuse me?" "Do you have to stare at me?" "l'm sorry..." "What happened?" "You screamed like crazy." "What was I screaming?" ""No no no." That's what it sounded like." "Do you know why?" "Won't you tell you what your name is as well?" "Does this happen often?" "I don't know." "It was only a dream." "What did you dream?" "I dreamt that... I don't know if I should tell you... I dreamt..." "I was convulsing. I wasn't well." "Convulsing?" "I was in therapy for several years." "I was almost an idiot." "But it would no longer make sense for me to avoid life." "Avoid life?" "That's what my doctor said." "Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?" "Can you sleep?" "Yes." "Let's try sleeping then." "If anything's up, will you scream again?" "Yeah, I'll scream." "Good night, then." "Good night." "Don't open it." "Jesus, it's cold out." "Then don't open it." "Look. it's daybreak." "Come here, shut the window." "Don't shine the light on me." "So shut it and come here." "Your mom'll be here soon." "What are you thinking?" "New Year's Eve tomorrow." "So?" "Nothing." "Where will you be going?" "Same as every year." "What else are you thinking?" "My mom'll be here soon." "l'm going." "Rum, please." "Could you lend me some money for a phone call?" "I'll pay you right back." "I left my wallet and all my papers there." "Have a look around." "Maybe on the armchair." "Yes, I saw your mom." "No, she didn't see me." "I'm in the bar just across the street." "Why can't you?" "I've got to pay the bill!" "Well then think of something." "I'll wait here." "What else can I do." "ls this it?" "Hm." "What did you order?" "Rum. I've got a headache." "I guess we've overdone it." "That just about sums it up." "l didn't mean it like that." "When is she coming?" "I'm not sure." "Do you know?" "You don't know?" "I don't." "Today or tomorrow." "You'll know what to think tomorrow." "What'll I think?" "Nothing." "Just forget it." "l don't know what I'll think." "Exactly." "ls that why you called?" "You think I called to ask you when Anna was coming?" "No." "To make me feel guilty." "is that what you want?" "Are you afraid?" "Me?" "Afraid that maybe I'd want something from you." "What could you possibly want from me?" "Exactly." "That's obvious." "What could I possibly want anyway." "So what is this about, if it's all so obvious?" "Nothing." "Don't worry." "When I saw your guilty face this morning, I realized how much we've "overdone it" as you say." "My guilty look?" "Did you put the moves on me to soothe your conscience, or you wanted one more good lay before Anna returns?" "Don't be embarrassing." "Embarrassing." "That's what I shall be." "Thank you very much." "What did she tell you?" "Excuse me?" "What did she say?" "Who do you mean?" "Olga." "The one that was here with me." "She didn't say anything." "I lent her money for the phone." "Listen." "How many..." "How many women have you had affairs with?" "Excuse me?" "How many women have you had?" "None..." "Yet." "Not even Olga?" "Not even Olga." "And how many women have you slept with?" "A rough number will do." "None." "Yet." "No need to be exact." "A rough number will do." "With none." "Roughly." "Not even with Olga?" "Definitely not with Olga." "So you haven't slept with any?" "No." "Not yet." "l'm Emil. I slept with Olga." "František." "Are you the František who was to arrive today?" "l don't know. I guess so." "How many have you had?" "None, I've already told you." "l mean beers." "Beers?" "None." "Let me put it another way." "How many beers have you ever had." "A rough number will do." "None." "None yet." "You don't have to be exact." "Roughly none." "Not even with Olga?" "Not even with Olga." "So otherwise you're normal?" "Yes." "My doctor said that it no longer makes sense for me to avoid life." "What did you say?" "That avoiding life is pointless." "That's what I think." "Your doctor said it well." "How did he say it?" "That it no longer makes sense to avoid life." "And it no longer makes sense to avoid women." "Go find a girl." "Dance with her." "l can't dance." "I bet he's even put aftershave in his crotch." "They don't bite." "What about that one?" "Which one?" "The redhead." "Redheads are wild." "Bouøka has nicer legs." "You've seen them?" "Not only them, unfortunately." "What are you gawking at?" "He keeps staring at us." "Stay away from that one." "That little one over there." "When they're small they got it all." "She'll make you feel like a man." "l don't know..." "What turns you on?" "I like fat." "Just be polite and funny." "You can't be like "Hello kitty show me titty"." "But I've never had a woman." "It won't work." "Girls..." "I'm drunk." "Which one?" "Pick one and go for a definite objective." "See, it just doesn't work." "Not the redhead, not the little one, how about..." "Kindly move to the dance floor." "He's about to. I just told him." "Let's go then." "Ladies and gentlemen, let's begin!" "l've never seen you here before." "lt's my first time." "Were you sick?" "Can you tell?" "Are you from around here?" "l just came today." "So where are you from?" "Well..." "l guess I'm from here now." "Are you a some kind of retard?" "Yeah..." "Excuse me." "Where are you going?" "Let us go back in time to America of the 20's and the golden 60s, when the charleston took over the dance-floor." "You're following me again." "No, I swear I'm not." "Aren't you a bit old for dance class?" "Well you're old too." "l beg your pardon?" "l mean for dance class." "You rude pig." "Who let you in?" "No one let me in." "You creep around yell in your sleep, what'll you pull here?" "And you got me with the yoghurt." "Come with me please." "Excuse me?" "l said come with me please." "Are your parents here tonight?" "No, my parents aren't here." "Sorry, but you can't attend our courses anymore." "Yes - l mean no. I don't attend classes. lt was just an idea." "Such ideas are most inappropriate." "Especially in a social comportment class." "I know." "If someone's not interested, that's his affair." "However, these obtusities are intolerable." "Obtusities?" "What do you mean?" "Let's not get into that." "You need not apologize to the girls." "We shan't make an issue." "Apologize?" "I don't understand you." "Two girls have complained that you've made untoward proposals." "Ridiculous, I made no proposals to anybody." "I hope I don't see you here again." "But this is a misunderstanding." "I must insist that you leave now." "See you tomorrow." "Bye." "Excuse me, Miss." "Please, wait." "How did you imagine me?" "Same as before." "But I'm still the same." "Maybe it's you who's changed." "So now I seem different to you." "Sounds weird what we're talking about." "Someone listening, would think us crazy." "l saw you dancing." "You saw me?" "You never danced with me." "You've never asked." "Serves me right." "Now you'll dance with any old idiot." "What's happening?" "Nothing's happening." "So why are you so quiet?" "Why are you so quiet?" "What can I say when you're this quiet." "How should I be quiet?" "I haven't seen you in a month and you ask me how to be quiet?" "You didn't even send me a card." "I thought of you every day." "Every day I thought of you." "That does me a lot of good now." "If something's gone wrong, you can tell me." "Nothing's wrong." "Are you sure?" "Yes I'm sure." "I've not gone wrong." "My mom wanted to invite you for lunch when you got in." "Tomorrow?" "But you don't have to force yourself." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Took you a while to wake up." "Who's calling?" "You could get arrested for loitering." "Where are you?" "Can you see me?" "No." "Who am I talking to, please?" "First he makes proposals and then he pretends not to know me." "It's you?" "You know there were no proposals." "You can safely repeat what you first said." "No one can hear." "What did I say?" "What did I first say?" "You were a bit too eager, but you can tell me now." "But I didn't say anything." "I didn't talk to you at all." "I know." "So why did you run?" "It was a misunderstanding." "It would've been different if you had followed me." "If you know what I mean." "Oh it's not you." "Excuse me?" "I know who you are." "You're making fun of me." "First you laugh at me, now you make fun of me." "l didn't mean to..." "l know." "Why would you. lt's all pretty funny anyway." "You're sleeping on the bench?" "I was waiting for the bus, then I saw you" "and then I fell asleep." "You saw me?" "I didn't want to bother you." "I can see you." "You're standing behind a curtain on the 3rd floor laughing at me." "It's allright. I understand." "Seems you understand everything." "So you're not laughing at me anymore." "Now you're a bit mad." "What are you going to do now?" "Get back on the bench?" "Probably not." "Come in." "Stuff something between his teeth." "What are you doing here?" "Jesus, you scared me." "You didn't eat dinner and now you're stuffing your face." "l'll heat it up for you." "Leave it." "Did the girls eat?" "Olga's thin as a rake." "Where was she last night?" "l didn't ask her." "l told you to ask her." "She's almost twenty." "She's so skinny because she'll run around with anybody." "When she comes home with a belly, then what." "I'm upset with what she's doing." "You probably don't care." "I do care." "ls she with the pimply one?" "How should I know?" "As kids she called you "mole"." "That doesn't mean she tells me her intimacies." "If only she'd tell Anèa." "Then I could find out from her." "Are you going to bed?" "l get up in an hour." "Why don't you finish that?" "Just finish it." "Your ribs are showing." "Hers too." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "You can heat this up." "Emil invited me to lunch." "His mother did." "We should invite him too." "For the engagement lunch?" "She's obsessed with inviting people to lunch." "So let's invite her over." "She's obsessed with inviting others." "Well then go." "She'll be happy." "Obsessed people are never happy." "What is he obsessed with?" "What do you mean?" "Nothing." "With control." "What do you mean?" "He likes to control everything around him." "Makes him feel manly." "He's got problems being manly?" "How about your pimple man?" "What's the big deal?" "I went out with him, so he was my pimply guy. lt's over now." "What got into you?" "Good morning." "I'm sorry, I forgot about you." "I'm sorry. I couldn't find the bathroom." "Around the corner and to the right." "Who is that?" "l met him on the train." "Wow!" "It's your engagement lunch and you scoop some guy on the train?" "Anna!" "l didn't pick him up." "So how did he get here?" "He's a harmless idiot." "How so?" "What d'you mean how so?" "How do you know?" "We spent a night together." "We shared a train compartment." "It's you?" "What are you doing here?" "We didn't settle about our lunch yesterday." "What is there to settle?" "Nothing." "How sweet." "I'll put them in a vase." "Good day." "I always thought my man would be tall and dark." "I even dated a guy like that once, but..." "You married the Mole." "What's with this Mole business." "Does he look like a mole?" "No he doesn't, he is a mole." "You always take in first impressions." "First impressions when its your father?" "You can't possibly remember the first impression." "Or, do you remember it?" "l only have first impressions." "What do you mean?" "So far I've encountered everything only once." "You've only had one woman?" "Aren't you exaggerating a bit?" "But it's true." "What's true?" "She's exaggerating." "He's had no girl." "lt's just a joke." "What's your first impression of us?" "You've only seen us once." "Let's say of Emil." "But that's not so." "So when you first saw each other?" "And Olga?" "You see her for the first time." "Yes." "That's right." "I think that..." "She's pretty special." "She really does rely on first impressions, she thinks everything is the other way round than it really is, and she has to adapt to that impression and so she's all..." "The other way round too?" "It's unique to meet someone who has it all so right and beautiful inside, and decides to break it up only because she longs so much to be happy..." "Oh, I've got to go." "We've got to go too." "Where?" "Anna and I wanted to go for a walk." "Say hello to your mother." "You're both invited to lunch," "Dad will make rabbit." "That would be nice." "You can come too, if you like... er..." "František." "For lunch?" "Yeah." "Mom was worrying you got lost somewhere." "Tell him to bring my sister." "You're bleeding." "Oh yes, I'm sorry." "Lie on the couch." "It's ice." "You'll be okay in a second." "What are you smiling about?" "l remembered something." "Let me guess." "Excuse me?" "You remember my tirade in the bar." "You heard it all, right?" "No, I didn't..." "l should be indebted." "indebted?" "That you didn't blow it." "l should be grateful." "No, you don't have to." "You did a good deed." "You saw what the problem was." "And you've only ever had one woman." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean it like that." "l didn't either." "What?" "I didn't want to talk about the things you didn't want to talk about." "About what?" "About the number of women." "What are you talking about?" "Forget it." "Sometimes I'm wrong." "l mean you." "What me?" "You're mistaken." "I'm sorry about that." "You didn't want me to be mistaken?" "Well I didn't either." "But I'm often mistaken." "I'm often mistaken." "That's what you wanted to say?" "Am I mistaken or not?" "You are." "You see. I'm usually mistaken and I usually end up with some idiot." "That's because I'm an idiot myself." "There I'm not mistaken." "Wait." "Please wait." "Where are you going now?" "l should find a place to stay." "A place to stay?" "I guess." "Do you know where?" "Not yet." "I'll come with you." "Aren't you mad at me?" "l thought you were mad." "Øípo, if you've come to make proposals, I'd better warn you that I'm not in a romantic mood." "I'd better not try then." "I came to ask you to dinner." "Not today, Øípo." "I'm all upset." "They brought in a beautiful young girl today with blood poisoning." "I don't think we can save her." "It's beautifull" "Listen, Pavla..." "Quietly..." "Let me enjoy the feeling of a diamond on my hand for the first time, it's so beautiful, the diamond seems to be set on my hand." "Hello." "This is Marta." "Hello..." "Who is it?" "Pavla and I are getting married." "Oh my Godl" "Mommy, why do you cry so?" "Pavla is getting married." "What's this?" "lt's for you." "For me?" "Yeah." "What gave you the idea?" "I was going to give it to you after lunch, but then I thought..." "You saw this in some film, right?" "It was my mother's." "Does your mother know about it?" "She gave it to me." "l wanted to tell you something." "So tell me." "I wanted to say something completely different before we had our argument." "What are you on about now?" "l just remembered my dream." "Your dream?" "When I was bleeding and you brought the ice, you reminded me of it." "Why tell me now?" "Because you were in it too." "Really?" "What was I doing?" "Stuffing a towel into my mouth." "I was convulsing and I needed to be pacified." "is that all?" "Then I saw you in the next room." "ln your dream?" "No, in reality." "I opened the door, found you asleep on the couch." "First you were in my dream, then I find you sleeping on the couch." "It made me feel real happy inside." "Suddenly you were so real." "Do you understand?" "l watched you in your sleep." "Watched me?" "I felt I should watch over you." "You're really weird." "We're not going to wait for them." "I'll heat it up for them later." "He said he'd come." "You should've brought him along." "Help yourself." "Don't be shy." "If he could find his way by train, he can find his way here." "You can't know what's in his head." "He may still be disturbed." "Suddenly you're told you have a madman in your family." "All those years you know nothing and suddenly he contacts you." "He contacted you himself?" "He wrote us a letter." "Like in some novel." "Dear auntie:" "I'm writing "auntie"" "even though I know you're not my real aunt." "Because I just wanted to address you that way." "I remember you well, though we are distant relatives." "Long before she left, you brought my mother a hair-clip like a doll's comb." "It's the only thing I remember because I thought the clip was for me." "I was offended that you thought I was a girl and that I'd play with such a thing." "It bothered me, I did look like a girl, and people often mistook me for one." "Children do so try to be what they're not, trying much harder to change what they least want to be but other people just keep seeing them that way." "That must be them." "lt's okay. I'll get it." "What are you doing here?" "Your mom asked me to lunch." "We haven't had so many people since dad's wake." "First he says he'll come, then he doesn't and now he's here." "You're lucky l cooked enough." "l didn't come because of lunch." "You could have travelled together with..." "Anna." "Anna. I know." "Since you were leaving from the same place." "Sure, but I didn't know her plans." "You should've brought Marta I've only seen her twice." "At least five times, mother." "When you have kids I won't see her at all." "You can always visit us, mother." "And hound your mother such a distance?" "You could have arranged it, you, Marta and..." "Anna." "Anna, I know." "You're all gathered here like strangers." "What's František to make of all this." "You didn't even call which train you'd be on." "Emil wanted to come to the station with flowers." "Mom, please..." "František has no family so he needs to learn, before he meets someone, right?" "Did they feed you well?" "Yes." "The food was decent." "What did you do there all those years?" "I imagine they tie you up and give you shocks." "It wasn't necessary." "We just had a routine." "A routine?" "There was a set program every day." "The same thing, over and over." "l couldn't handle that." "Why not?" "Anything repetitive, and fixed I find my way out of." "Does that go for relationships?" "What do you mean?" "Just in general." "Yes. I don't know." "Sometimes." "When, for example?" "Come on, mom." "When they have nothing more to offer me." "Quite an advantageous attitude." "It's not an attitude." "That's just how it goes." "And what do you offer?" "l'm sorry?" "Maybe you've always got something to offer... I haven't thought about it like that." "lsn't that strange..." "Why?" "I thought all girls thought about such things." "Some don't." "Of course." "Some don't." "We were worried, that you wouldn't find your way here." "Your return address was on your letter." "We couldn't have gotten lost." "You also knew where we live?" "Yes." "I mean no." "From my sister." "From me?" "Of course." "You told me." "When?" "You once said it was across the street from the bar." "I don't remember that." "I have this feeling that I know you from somewhere." "Me?" "l must have seen you somewhere." "Weren't you on this street yesterday morning?" "Yesterday?" "A girl left our house when I returned from work." "Olga's never been up that early." "Looking at you now I swear it was you I saw." "I have a good memory for faces." "Maybe it was me." "Do you make rabbit, too?" "Pardon?" "l just thought." "Rabbits are good." "You're invited for rabbit, mom." "I almost forgot." "Your mother makes rabbit too?" "No, my dad does." "Mom wanted to invite you." "Are you going out tonight?" "Yes, František loves dancing." "I can't dance, I never did before." "Come on, you've danced since childhood." "I just wanted to try it." "You two look like a couple." "That's what I say." "He's got the hots for her." "We thought him lost but he got stuck with her." "I'm afraid I must go now." "Won't you even finish?" "What are you doing?" "It was very good." "Thank you." "Good bye." "What happened?" "You shouldn't have..." "What did I say?" "It was just a joke." "What's her problem?" "Please wait." "He didn't mean it like that." "He's just jabbering." "It was just a joke." "He didn't mean to insult you." "None of your business." "Trying to save me?" "All your apologies and excuses for everybody, playing the saviour - knowing nothing yourself." "You've only been with one woman." "Don't you even care what he says about you?" "You'd just find a way of excusing it." "Where are you going?" "l shall tell her everything." "Everything?" "Don't do that." "You'll really hurt her." "l don't think so." "Please don't." "You tell me, just like that, out of the blue?" "I can't put on faces at engagement luncheons, and be nice to you and his mother while listening to his bullshit." "What am I supposed to do now?" "l don't know." "Nothing, I guess." "Do you love me?" "You're crazy." "What should I do?" "How should I know?" "I'll do whatever you want me to." "Does he feel the same way?" "What do you mean?" "Does he feel the same about you?" "l don't know." "Do you?" "Me?" "He doesn't love me." "Did he say that?" "l just know." "Maybe he loves you." "You don't know that." "You know that too." "Do I?" "You think he doesn't even like me." "Where'd you get that idea?" "I'm confessing this awful thing I've done," "and you don't even care." "You can't be serious." "Just look at yourself." "You look at yourself." "Even an idiot would know..." "You think Emil doesn't like her?" "What do you think?" "What do you think?" "Has he told you anything?" "So - are they still offended?" "Just leave it." "But did he settle it?" "So what happened, František?" "František's got some presents under the tree." "So do you, Robert." "So they're offended." "l knew it." "Go open your presents." "Do you know her sister?" "No I don't." "lt looked like you knew each other." "Well we don't." "I've seen her before, but I don't know her." "She seems nice, but a bit frightened." "Why are you saying this?" "lt's my feeling." "Oh just feeling." "So what else do you feel?" "Your father bought you that before you were born." "He didn't know if you'd be a boy or a girl." "What do you think." "Should I switch to Anna's sister?" "I only want for your girl to love you." "What are you trying to say?" "You never saw him, right?" "You mean she doesn't love me?" "They say I saw him, but I don't remember." "ls that what you meant?" "l forgot everything." "I don't know." "You yourself should know." "So say she doesn't love me." "She doesn't give a shit about me." "After a month I seem strange to her." ""l imagined you differently"" "lt was only my first impression." "Oh, your first impression." "What do you think, bro?" "Think she doesn't love me?" "Does she give a shit about me?" "What's your first impression?" "Don't gimme that!" "You're the expert on first impressions." "Who is she, anyway?" "I have no idea myself." "Should I marry her?" "So do I break up with her?" "Dear friends, welcome to our New Year's Eve Ball, it's the last Ball of the year and so even though you may not know each other, let us use this opportunity to make new friends." "Look it's him." "Hi." "Hello." "Are you alone?" "No." "Will you come upstairs with me?" "Who actually is he?" "Some relative or something." "Although you can't say he's relative to anything..." "What's he up to?" "Would you talk to her?" "Me?" "Just so as I know where the problem is." "We hardly know each other." "Exactly." "She might tell you." "l'd only fuck it up again." "No." "Nonsense." "Dance, bring up lunch, find out how she feels." "Bullshit." "Was Anna here?" "Dear friends." "The night is reaching it's climax." "The New Year is before us and the old is behind us." ""As on New Year's, then throughout the year"." "So let's enjoy ourselves." "Where else can we all get together like this?" "May I have the pleasure?" "Only if Emil asks sis." "You know I can't dance." "Neither does František and he managed quite well." "That's because his pants are on fire." "You've never danced with Olga." "Nor with you." "Stop making excuses and shut up." "Don't force him." "You bet I'll force him." "Why don't we leave it for later?" "Let's go, then." "Don't stare at me." "I didn't want to dance!" "Are you coming?" "Come on, sis." "What are you after?" "What am I after?" "What the hell do you think I'm after?" "So are we going or not?" "You're the one to ask." "Please." "Just go." "So why did you come?" "Because of you." "Did Marta send you?" "What do you mean?" "You knew you'd come." "You knew at the station." "I did not." "Were you afraid someone would see us?" "On the train, or at the station?" "Your mother's friend, or Emil perhaps?" "He told me to talk to you." "He did, did he?" "He wants to know what the problem is." "Are you going to tell him what the problem is?" "Maybe I should tell him." "He's my brother." "l can tell, seeing you together." "If this is it, I'm breaking up with him." "You're not serious." "You said that you don't want to cheat on him." "l don't either." "Please don't." "I see." "I shouldn't do it?" "Allright." "You wanted to know what the problem was?" "What do you mean, problem?" "You want to know the problem, no?" "Well... yes." "Do you love her?" "Love who?" "Olga, who else." "Where'd you get that idea?" "Do you love her or not?" "No." "What gave you the idea?" "So why do you sleep with her?" "I... lt's over between us." "is that clear?" "What do you mean?" "That it's over." "What did you tell her?" "Nothing." "So what's it about?" "That idiot!" "Are you coming to dance class again?" "I don't know." "If I can find a partner." "Ilona would go with you if you're alone." "Ilona wanted to ask you something." "C'mon tell him." "She wants to know if you're a pervert." "That's good." "Ilona kinda likes you." "She also wants to know if you have skinny legs." "Yes. I do." "See I told you." "She's got a thing for legs, she's sorry about the misunderstanding." "It wasn't her." "We just fooled around." "We're like that with anyone new." "Are you mad at us?" "Happy New Year." "As the final seconds of the old year are upon us let us think of some New Year resolutions." "I hope we all remember this day a year from now, and I hope that the last seconds of this year are glorious and unforgettable." "And now, dear friends, that moment is upon us." "Ten" " Nine" " Eight" " Seven." "Six..." "Five" " Four - Three" " Two" " One!" "What are you doing?" "I was the one who said it!" "Let go of me!" "Translation by David Nykl"