"I'm off now." "Right, me too." "Are you done?" "Wait, I have to check which day." "Friday?" "Yes..." "Mum..." "Just one second, sweetheart." "I'll be late." "I know." "Can I call you back in a bit?" "Absolutely." "I think you can bring that up." "That's what those meetings are for." "I have to go." "I'll call you in a minute." "Bye." "Tove!" "I'll take my bike!" "Ideberg." "They say that we can survive anything." "I don't know if that's true." "I remember thinking that I didn't want to survive." "If the worst had happened, I too wanted to die." "It would have been the easiest way out." "The least painful one." "And it wasn't love I felt the first time I saw Anna." "It was some strange form of affinity." "And an even stranger longing to try and save her." "Save at least her." "STOCKHOLM EAST" "Anna?" "Anna..." "It starts at 9.30." "I know." "You're really not coming?" "No." "I thought it might be good." "What for?" "You, us." "To get some closure." "In order for it to end?" "At least I want to see him." "I want him to look me in the eye." "And what will you do?" "Kill him?" "Will that make it end?" "No tie." "Please..." "They told you to look smart." "This is no good." "You can't wear a denim shirt." "You were born 1/7 1965, is that right?" "Yes." "Prosecution, please." "On the 20th of August of last year at around 08.35, Johan Eriksson was driving his Audi with license plate WCL 284 between Bergviksvägen and Törnstigen." "The victim, nine year old Tove Ideberg, was cycling down Törnstigen whereupon Johan Eriksson's car hits the girl who contracts severe injuries." "The girl later dies at Danderyd Hospital on the same day at 09.41." "The prosecution demands penalty for involuntary manslaughter according to the Penal Code, Chapter 3, Section 7." "You had no chance of noticing the bike in time?" "How should I know?" "You mean it was possible?" "I don't know." "If I had turned up three seconds earlier or three seconds later." "Or two seconds..." "We have gathered to give a verdict in this case." "The panel of lay judges finds, in case B1265-7 against Johan Eriksson, that there is no cause to suspect a crime, and hence dismiss the case." "The District Court thanks the two sides." "This session is closed." "It's OK." "Everything's OK." "No." "Yes, it is." "What's OK?" "Name one fucking thing that's OK." "We...can try and make it better, make the best of it." "We could try again." "Try what?" "Have another one." "You mean a replacement?" "We already have a child." "I mean a sibling, of Tove's." "I think we should consider it." "Do you remember the tummy animals?" "She would lie on her back and guess which animals walked over her tummy." "Ant..." "Kangaroo." "There are moments that you've seen in your mind's eye so many times that when they actually occur, they seem almost unreal." "I don't know what I expected when I went there the first time." "I know what I was hoping for." "Not what I expected." "But hoped for." "That words might be enough." "Leave me alone!" "You're quiet today." "I've got nothing to say." "How long have I've been coming here?" "Just under a year." "It's not helping." "What?" "Coming here." "It's pointless, can't you tell?" "I'm dead, too." "It's just that the shell remains." "Is that how you feel?" "That's the way it is." "What can you do about that?" "There's nothing anyone can do." "Hey..." "Is he yours?" "No." "Come here." "Where's mummy?" "Or daddy?" "Daddy's over there." "We'll find..." "There's daddy." "Come on." "There you are!" "He was a bit close to the tracks." "You have to hold on to the buggy." "Thank you very much." "The dog did a poo and..." "He's three." "Not the dog, but..." "It's not the easiest age..." "They like running away." "You've got kids, I hear?" "Thank you so much." "How many kids have we got?" "Two." "But no dog." "No cat, either." "No, we've got a turtle." "Turtle?" "Next stop, Åkertorp." "This is my stop." "Hello, there!" "Hi!" "How are you?" "Exhausted but fine." "Hi." "Come on in." "This is from us..." "Thanks!" "For me or for...?" "You'll have to guess!" "That's sweet..." "I'll put it here." "Yeah..." "Lovely." "You think?" "Can you tell who it looks like?" "Look what Junior's got." "Wow, that's so nice." "Thank you." "Look at that..." "Look." "You're sleeping, you can't see." "My God, he's so cute." "Look, Johan." "Sorry, I haven't said hi to you." "Hi, glad you could come." "He's so easy to handle, he just eats and sleeps." "You just eat and sleep!" "And he poos." "Yes, you can say that again." "Like a grown man!" "Who wants coffee?" "Yes, please." "Oh, it just makes you melt." "Sweetie..." "Doesn't it?" "Isn't it time that you two...?" "Maybe it is..." "No way!" "Are you pregnant?" "No, I'm not pregnant, but we might become pregnant." "I didn't say we were having kids, I said we're thinking about it." "It's like you don't want to understand." "You don't want to understand." "Yes, I understand." "You don't want kids because you won't let go of your sense of guilt." "It wasn't your fault." "Try to move on." "You think I have some sort of choice." "Everyone has a choice." "Did she have a choice?" "Who?" "Or her mother?" "Did she choose?" "We think we choose, or imagine that we do, because that's the only fucking approach to life that is even remotely bearable." "Do you know what I think?" "I think you enjoy this guilt in some sick way." "Why don't you seek them out?" "Write if it's easier, but I can't stand this much longer." "I mean it." "Hi, I'm not sure if you remember me." "We met on the train." "You left this." "Thank you." "My name is Johan, I might not have introduced myself." "I'm Anna." "I noticed you live nearby, so I came." "You live around here, too?" "I live a...short distance from here." "Would you like a cup of coffee, as a thank you, or are you in a hurry?" "Yes, please." "I also wanted to talk to you about something." "I'm sorry, I..." "That's OK." "This is my daughter's room." "She..." "She's not at home." "Do you have kids?" "No." "No, I live with my partner." "Over there..." "Lovely." "She's nine." "Tove, that is." "After the author Tove Jansson, but she finds the Moomins really boring." "Now it's all about basketball." "I can see that." "She has practice three..." "No, four times a week." "A lot of parents complain about taking them places and picking them up but I like it." "You have children because you want to spend time with them, right?" "Would you...?" "I'm so silly." "I thought you might like to look at pictures of Tove." "Is that...?" "That's a nice photo." "And she scored, of course." "Yeah." "They won, but I can't remember..." "by how many points." "She probably remembers." "They grow up so quickly." "Nice..." "What was it you wanted to talk about?" "It was nothing..." "Nothing in particular." "The diary." "OK." "Thanks." "Thank you." "I'm glad you came over." "Hey..." "Wait." "No, nothing..." "Tell me." "I just thought you might like to meet again." "I don't mean it in that way..." "I know, I'm married and have a child!" "I didn't mean it in that way." "No, no." "Sure." "Meet up..." "Yeah." "There's no need to." "Pretend to be asleep, that is." "Let it take it's time." "I'm here." "But Tove..." "Is she here?" "How do you mean?" "We never talk about her." "You never talk about her." "What do you want me to say?" "Anything." "How she didn't get why anyone would eat ketchup or why rooms needed cleaning." "Or the way she sounded when she laughed until she lost her breath." "Or the way she smelt after practice, a bit warm and sweet and musty." "That she existed!" "She's disappearing." "Can't you tell?" "Maybe it's not as easy for me." "What?" "To talk about her." "I'm sorry." "Even if I could, how would that change things?" "She's gone." "Such is life, whether we like it or not." "For everyone." "One day we're here and the next we're gone." "But we're still here, you and I." "I don't know what I feel for him." "Or what he feels for me." "It's not an affair, or anything like that." "We just meet up and talk." "Go for a coffee or to the cinema." "Mainly we talk." "I don't even know why I called him the first time." "Or why I keep doing it." "I think I won't, but then I do it anyway." "You call him?" "Yeah." "You can talk about Tove's death?" "Yes." "I should have brought Tove." "She would have loved this!" "You can bring it home with you and practise for next time." "When I'm with him it feels as if she wasn't gone." "As if she was still around, as if I was myself again and whole again." "It's hard to explain." "Hi." "Hi." "You look well." "Do I?" "What's this?" "It's..." "It's dinner." "Fancy!" "Lucky you didn't buy flowers, as well." "Why is that?" "I would have thought you were having an affair." "Aren't they the classic signs to look out for?" "I don't really know." "Take a seat, this is ready now." "ANNA CALLING" "STOCKHOLM EAST" "...it was a big storm cloud." "I was just surprised." "By what?" "It's always me calling you." "But now..." "I called you." "And that made you..." "No, no..." "It was just..." "Scared?" "No." "Perhaps we should go." "I'm getting up early, Tove's going to the dentist." "Come on." "What?" "Come." "Anna!" "What's the matter?" "You don't understand." "I've lied to you." "I've been lying, too." "Please." "Leave me alone." "Let me go." "...and that GPS keeps going." ""You want to go to Romme."" "No!" "I want to go to Bromma!" "Hello!" "Why don't you just ask someone?" "I bought a GPS!" "No, 'cause you're a man." "You have no sense of direction at all." "You're a man." "What brand is it?" "Panasonic." "It got the highest score." "You don't know how to handle it." "You can sit here as long as you want to." "Take it." "No." "Yes, please take it." "Anna!" "She's moved to Uppsala and he still lives in the house." "That big yellow one?" "Let's wish her good luck." "I mean, a 25-year-old carpenter..." "I give it five months." "He might build a shed." "What does she see in him?" "Or what he sees in her." "What's odd about that?" "Maybe he understands her." "In a way that no one ever has." "Maybe she was dead and he woke her up, so nothing is possible without him." "Yes, what do we know about them?" "Nothing." "Time for coffee and a little something?" "No dessert?" "Happy Birthday to You" "Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday to You, dear Kattis" "Happy Birthday to You" "Four cheers for Kattis." "Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!" "Haven't you had enough?" "No." "Is it so bad?" "It was just a damn dinner." "No, it was really nice." "It really was." "Here." "Don't bother with the glass." "I don't understand you anymore." "Look..." "Dad." "How long did it take?" "Five minutes." "I've said you can set your watch by him." "Always five minutes with the TV." "And then he's like..." ""I wasn't asleep"." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Can we meet up?" "It's over a year ago now." "Or ten years." "I don't know anymore." "She was on her way to school." "Ideberg." "What was that?" "Where is she?" "Have they said anything?" "I don't know who I am anymore." "Nobody's mummy." "And not the Anna I was before Tove." "I'm something in-between that doesn't exist." "I don't know why I pretended with you." "Yes, I do." "I needed to pretend." "You must think I'm completely..." "I love you." "I think about you from the moment I wake up until I go to bed at night." "I think about you all the time." "I love him." "I think about him from the moment I wake up until I go to bed at night." "I think about him all the time." "This man..." "What?" "What connection do you think he has to Tove?" "I think there's an obvious connection." "Tove who left a void." "And this fills you up." "Anders still doesn't know?" "I just didn't know that you'd been there." "It's that place by the station?" "It was dinner with a girl from work." "At a salsa place?" "What's strange about that?" "It just sounds odd." "That's all." "Are you seeing someone?" "What did you say?" "Are you seeing someone?" "Why do you ask that?" "If you do, tell me." "Have some fucking respect." "What is this?" "I had a work dinner!" "I'm sorry." "It's OK." "No, it's not." "I don't know what's wrong with me, sorry." "It's all right." "Come here..." "I don't know what got into me." "I know you never would..." "Have you asked yourself where this relationship might lead?" "Whether it isn't escape, more than anything else?" "Who is she?" "It doesn't matter." "I want to know." "It's no one you know." "How did you meet?" "On a platform." "On the train." "We should've told the truth long ago." "Has it been going on long?" "I mean us." "We don't love each other, maybe we never did." "How can you say that?" "I'm sorry." "I damn well loved you." "I've supported you and made sacrifices." "For you." "Do you love her?" "Yes." "And what about me?" "Our plans to have children?" "Your plans." "But with her, you want to?" "Does she love you?" "Is she married?" "You're insane." "You don't know what you're doing." "Come." "Go to hell." "Just go, like you usually do." "Disappear if I'm so pointless." "Right..." "Anna?" "Yes." "I'm here for Johan's sake, not my own, no matter what you think." "I don't think anything." "Johan has had a hard time." "I know, he's on sick leave." "Do you know why, or did he tell you he got burnt out?" "He needs someone who understands him." "Do you?" "I don't know." "No..." "I'm not saying this to flatter myself in any way." "But if I had not been there for him during this time..." "It's a lot about escape with him." "We've talked about having children." "We spoke about that yesterday." "I think that would be good for him, put things into context." "I can't make you do anything, Anna." "All I can say is that if you care about Johan you leave him alone, leave us alone." "JOHAN E. CALLING" "Hi, this is mummy's mobile..." "The name..." "Eh..." "This is Anna's mobile." "Leave a message after the beep." "Thanks." "It's me again." "I hope nothing's happened." "Please call me back." "Any time." "Just call." "You're lying." "Why move if she doesn't want you?" "Anna?" "Hello!" "Have you been into town?" "Yeah." "I left a bit early." "I'm going to hit some balls with Anders tonight." "Tonight?" "Yes, did I put my foot in it?" "No..." "Not at all." "I just..." "Tina has threatened to start playing golf." "Either that or she gets a secret lover, she says." "One or the other." "Next stop, Åkertorp." "Ladies first." "If you find out the truth, it shall set you free." "Isn't that what it says somewhere?" "It sounds so simple." "As if anything was ever that simple." "We each had our truth, Anna and I." "There was hers, with the baby growing inside her." "And then mine, with the lie that was growing inside of me." "I wish I'd known you as a child." "Seen what you were like." "Scared." "Of what?" "Everything." "I was scared of this." "Of us." "I can understand that." "But not anymore." "I'm not scared of anything." "Not of Anders or anything else!" "Do you remember when I said that the truth is always..." "...better than a lie?" "Yes?" "No matter how horrible it is." "What is it?" "Anna?" "Get out, you bastard!" "You're fucking sick!" "Get out!" "Shut up!" "Out..." "Aren't you going to say anything?" "Say something!" "Tell me what you've got going on." "You and that..." "I don't get it." "Help me out, for fuck's sake." "I don't understand." "I didn't know who he was." "There's nothing to discuss." "If you won't report him, I will." "Harassment, molestation or whatever." "No." "You mean he should walk free?" "An obviously deranged person who must have had some sick plan." "I wanted to." "Nobody forced me." "You're in a state of shock." "I get it." "We're both in shock." "It'll all pass, we just need to give it some time." "We'll start again." "Without all these secrets or lies." "Just you and I." "Anna Ideberg?" "This way, please." "Have you had an abortion before?" "No." "You can come down." "It's an uncomplicated procedure, as it's so early." "It'll be painful afterwards, but generally, they're no worse than period pains." "Over-the-counter painkillers are usually sufficient." "The bleeding afterwards can continue for about one week." "Use a sanitary towel, not a tampon." "Due to the risk of infection." "Is someone picking you up?" "You husband or boyfriend...?" "I'm taking a cab." "All right." "Is that correct?" "Yes." "There." "If you wait here a few minutes, I'll go check that everything's ready." "I want you to leave me alone." "Leave us alone, do you get it?" "And the child?" "It isn't there anymore." "It's gone." "Like Tove." "Honey..." "Can you get more mulled wine?" "How's it going?" "Sorry." "You're enjoying yourself, I see." "Do you have to wear that hat?" "Whatever I do, it's wrong, isn't it?" "It's really nice." "Stefan and I were so happy." "It must feel wonderful." "Have you known long?" "A few weeks." "When's it due?" "July." "Boy or girl?" "We don't know yet." "Anna..." "We were just saying how happy we are about the child." "Congratulations." "We would do exactly the same thing, if we were in your situation." "Start again, I mean." "But we can't imagine what it's like." "It does feel like a second chance." "I just have to cope with the nappies." "Anna will do that." "You'll have to hire someone." "Have you taken this medicine before?" "Yes." "No more than three in 24 hours." "Yes." "And not in conjunction with alcohol or driving." "What's wrong with you?" "Nothing." "Then I suggest you come back out." "We've got guests." "Are you thinking about him?" "Are you thinking about him, I said?" "You're in your own damned world, thinking about that bastard." "And I don't exist." "Is this how he used to touch you?" "Or perhaps like this?" "Huh?" "Is that what you're thinking about?" "Come on out, we've got guests." "Where are you going?" "To the nativity play." "Remember?" "Tove played the Virgin Mary in the last one, but she's not in it this year." "But..." "Well, anyway." "Hello!" "You look nice." "I hate it." "I don't want to." "Right..." "Hi." "They're waiting for you." "Hurry up, Minna." "Speak soon." "Hurry up, now." "Oh, come all ye faithful" "Joyful and triumphant" "Oh, come all ye faithful" "Joyful and triumphant" "Oh, come ye, oh come ye to Bethlehem" "It'll be interesting to see how you get on." "Why don't you tell me?" "Answer me when I speak to you!" "It's his kid, isn't it?" "It's his child, yes." "I knew it." "Don't you think I got it?" "Don't you think I'm relieved?" "I don't have to bring up that psycho's kid." "It's probably hereditary." "You realise the kid will be psycho, too?" "Tell me, honestly." "You realised that I knew, right?" "I was pretending." "For your sake, do you get it?" "Everything that I've done." "For your fucking sake!" "Now you don't have to." "Anna..." "Don't go." "Let me go!" "I'm sorry!" "I didn't mean to." "Don't you touch me!" "Are you OK?" "Anna..." "Anna, please..." "Hello." "Hello." "I'm looking for Johan." "He's not at home." "He doesn't live here anymore." "Do you know where I might find him?" "Well..." "Yeah." "This...is what I know." "Thank you." "They say that we can survive anything." "I don't know if that's true." "Perhaps we can." "Or perhaps it's something we pretend when we need to." "Hi." "I'll just check the blood pressure." "When are you due?" "In July." "Everything looks fine." "ANSVARIG UTGIVARE:" "PIA GRÜNLER"