"♪♪ ["Captain Custard"]" "♪♪ ["The Moon And The Willow Tree"]" "♪♪ ["Too Romantic"]" "Hi, Babe." "Hello, Bill." "Come on down." "Hurry up." "Give me my money." "I've got a wife waiting'." "Thanks." "Hello, Bill." "Hiya, Babe." "How ya been?" "You look pretty and smell pretty too." "Wait a minute." "You sure got that quick enough." "There you are, Josh." "That's married life for ya." "Yeah, isn't that beautiful?" "If the world was run right, only women would marry." "Yeah." "Hey, could they do that?" "Get a load of that!" "You break your arm?" "I haven't heard from ya in 3 months!" "I've been very busy." "You've been busy." "I can imagine." "Dewey!" "He got bigger." "What did you think he'd get?" "Littler?" "Mom, look." "Here's Pop squeezing a hula dancer." "Give me that." "You were busy, huh?" "Wait till I get you home." "Come on, push Dewey." "Ow!" "Well, Mr. Ace Lannigan, let that be a lesson to you." "A lesson to me?" "Yeah." "If they lined up all those movie queens... and let them wave those long eyelashes at me, know what I'd do?" "Huh?" "I'd throw rocks at 'em." "Yes." "Toss 'em right at 'em." "Oh-ho-ho." "I can brush 'em off like flies." "Oh, yes." "Which of you is Ace Lannigan?" "That's me." " Know a gal named Cherry?" " Cherry?" "No." "Sure you do." "That's the little blonde" "Sure, I know Cherry." "Brilliant conversationalist." "How's she doin'?" "She's gettin' married." "Well, what do ya know." "Great kid..." "Cherry." "So little Cherry's gettin' married!" "Yeah, she wants you to come to the weddin'." "If I'm around." "Who's she marrying?" " You!" " She couldn't have picked a" "Me?" "Can I be an usher?" "There must be some mistake." "All I did was take her to a movie." "Yeah, and kept her out half the night!" "Can I help it if there's double features?" "Can he help" "Come on." "You're goin' with us." "All right." "I'm goin' with them." "Oh, you're goin' with them." "I'm goin' with them." "Oh." "Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker's man." "Bake a cake as fast as you can." "This sort of thing has got to stop" "Spreading the Mallon name all over the newspapers!" "Getting yourself mixed up in a waterfront brawl!" "I've never heard of anything more disgraceful in my life!" "It's not as bad as that." "Take it easy, Skipper." "All right, O'Keefe." "Yes, sir." "You seem to think the world is a three-ring circus... and all you've got to do is run around and have fun." "What's wrong with that?" "The world won't let you, that's what's wrong." "You mean the Mallons won't let me." "Won't let you what?" "What are we keeping you from doing?" "Skipper, you've been singin' this song at me for years." "Eventually you're gonna trap me." "But you can't blame me for holding out as long as I can." "Look here, Josh, I'd like to sit on a coral reef... and play a ukulele, but we're Mallons." "It's taken nearly 200 years to build up this business... and it's my duty and yours to carry on." "We've got stockholders, customers, ships all over the world." "What's wrong with one of the Mallons sailing on them?" "You've dodged your responsibilities long enough." "You're taking over the maintenance department, office hours nine to five." "Oh, no." "I'm not gonna wind up back of that desk like you, pushing buttons, growling and barking at everybody." "That's not for me, Dad." "I wanna be one of the boys." "I wanna be a regular guy." "A regular guy?" "The poor house is full of regular guys!" "You're going to accept your responsibility... just like I did from my father, and just like he did from his father." "The old captain... the fellow that started the whole thing." "He was a man!" "Only had one ship too!" "And we've got 80." "Let's sell 79, take the other, sail around, have some laughs." "Don't be ridiculous." "What about Gloria?" "When I was your age, I was married and had you." "Suppose I'd gone vagabonding around the world?" "Where would you be now?" "You got me there, Skipper." "Mr. Mallon, Miss Gloria Wycott." "I told you it would be all right." "Josh, darling!" "Hello." "How are you?" "You look wonderful..." "brown as a coconut!" "I saw the headlines, "Waterfront Brawl," and I said..." ""Josh is back." Couple of guys" "I suppose you businessmen have settled everything?" "No, we" "What's he gonna be?" "A vice president?" "Who?" "Don't make him a vice president." "Make him work." "We hadn't progressed" "I've found the sweetest apartment on a hill overlooking the sea." "Who for?" "Look, I" "For us." "You can watch the ships come and go." "I think I'll run along." "Where we goin', Dad?" "I leave him to you, Gloria." "Come on, Josh." "Sit in that chair." "Where?" "Right there." "I want to see how you look in it." "What for?" "You look wonderful there." "Yeah?" "That's where you belong." "I don't feel so cozy." "Skipper looks all right back here, but" "What's this?" "Sketches for our apartment." "I did them myself." "What's that?" "Living room!" "Living room." "Very gay... fuchsia and blue." "Blue and who?" "Fuchsia and blue." "Yeah?" "And look." "That's the dining room." "The dining room!" "Look at the table." "When it's open it'll seat 40." "40 what?" "40 people, silly!" "I'll have to get on a scooter to pass you the salt!" "Oh, Josh, you're mad." "Look, that's your room." "Looks like a drive-in." "What's that big affair in the middle?" "That's the bed." "The bed." "Can you get 40 in there?" "Oh, Josh." "I like those shelves, though." "I can put my ship models on 'em." "Oh, darling." "No, not there." "I got a clipper in a bottle that" "Oh, honey, no." "They're not smart anymore." "Oh." "I thought something delicate... porcelain... little Chinese men." "We could have them do the laundry." "Oh, Josh." "You'll like it when it's finished." "I hope so." "It's wonderful having you back." "Been a good boy?" "Well, I got "E" for effort." ""E" for-- Thought about you a lot." "Missed you..." "dreadfully." "Yes." "You got a pretty outfit on." "All for you, Josh." "After dinner, we'll drive out to the country." "The nights have been divine;" "the biggest, yellowest moon you ever saw." "Josh" "Ummm, you sailors!" "Well" "Hi, Ace." "Hiya, Josh." "What's been doin' on the firing line?" "You better stay right where you are." "The Cherry family's lookin' for the whites of your eyes." "They won't find any whites in my eyes." "I've been washing them out with Mercurochrome." "I brought you groceries and the paper." "Take the pole." "Say, that's fine." "What?" "No caviar?" "No caviar." "What are you doin' with that monkey suit on?" "Big doing's on the yacht tonight." "Big doing's?" "What kind of doin's?" "They're announcing my engagement to Gloria." "Yeah, well that's" "Your engagement?" "Yeah." "Why you double-crossin', moonstruck pushover." "Gloria hits you with billin' and cooing'... and bang, you're a dead pigeon!" "I wouldn't talk, with that Cherry family parading up and down." "Don't worry about me." "I'm the Rock of Gibraltar." "How'd they hook you?" "They dangled a little thing... called family tradition in front of me." "Seems the world can't get along without a long line of Mallons." "What happens when you get to 100?" "Bingo?" "Hey, I got a strike." "Give me that pole." "I've been waiting two years." "Run the boat!" "Pull away, Wally." "Don't scratch my boat." "This is where the home guard" "Preserve your strength." "Stay with it." "Give it a little slack." "A little slack?" "He's got me peeled down to the nub now." "Watch it." "Hold it!" "I think we've got one of the Cherry brothers." "Give 'em plenty of slack." "Just let it out." "He must go 200 pounds." "He goes 400 if he goes an ounce." "He ain't any sardine." "There they are." "I'd like to get a picture." "Would you mind standing up?" "I'd like a picture of Mr. Wycott and your family." "Would you put your hand on Mr. Wycott's shoulder?" "Of course." "That's fine." "And gentlemen, try to look a little happy." "You know, prospective fathers-in-law and all that." "Miss Wycott, will you move closer to your brother?" "Gordon, please." "If you'd care to wait a few days, she has a fiance coming." "Gordon!" "That's all right." "He'll be here directly." "That's fine." "Smile... pretty." "That's it." "Thank you." "Whoa, he's a big one." "Hold it." "He's more tired than we are." "What do you mean, "we"?" "Get it." "I think I've got 'em now." "See if I can hoist him in." "Get that gaff." "We'll have 'em here in a minute, if he don't have me down there." "Step into the office." "Come in." "Ummm." "I don't know if I'll have him filleted or broiled." "How would you like him?" "I'd like him in the boat." "That's not a bad idea." "Hey, he's still alive." "He won't give up." "He must be a Republican." "There you are." "I've been looking for you." "I've been looking for you." "Where's that boy of yours?" "There are guests, you know." "I'm starving, and" "I suppose he's planning a surprise for us." "Okay, up we go." "Yes, sir, they'll never believe it." "Tie that boat off, will you?" "Aye, aye." "What a battle he put up, huh?" "There we go." "Easy now." "Okay." "Okay?" "Okay." "Surprise, eh?" "Hiya, gang." "Look what we've got." "It took us four hours." "Hi, honey." "Hello, Skipper." "You know Ace." "I brought him along for laughs." " When do we eat?" " Hi, folks." "Hi, Skipper." "Who's the boyfriend?" "Barnacle Bill?" "Shh." "Get a load of that character." "Who's that?" "That's one of the zeros in the 400." "Miss Wycott, how about one of you and Mr. Mallon?" "Get me with the fish." "No, darling, after dinner." "Don't you think you'd better dress?" "It won't take us a minute." "I'll slip you into something flimsy." "Will they excuse us?" "Officer, get that fish off this deck." "Right." "He's a riot." "He can go on like that all night." "It's nothing at all." "So I see." "You mean you want more?" "Yes." "Ace is hot tonight, isn't he?" "Is he going to stay at that piano all evening?" "Oh, no." "He's got some other stuff." "He's just limbering up." "Hey, drums." "♪ A crowd has stormed the music hall ♪" "♪ Won't someone please put in a riot call ♪" " ♪ Where's Captain Custard ♪" " Custard!" "Custard!" "♪ They're milling left they're swarming right ♪" "♪ This always happens when they have bank night ♪" "♪ Where's Captain Custard ♪" "♪ Here's Captain Custard undaunted and unflustered ♪" "♪ With his troops officially mustered ♪" "♪ No ushers are greater in any theater ♪" "♪ In town♪" "♪ Quick!" "Can't you see, sir Oh goodness gracious me, sir ♪" "♪ Will you look at Company "B", sir ♪" "♪ I think they're retreating ♪" "♪ This bank night is beating them down ♪" "♪ He'll halt their advances ♪" "♪ With firm and fearless glances ♪" "♪ They shall not pass the center aisle ♪" "♪ 'Cause he's armed to the teeth with a winsome smile ♪" "♪ Captain Custard undaunted and unflustered ♪" "♪ And around him women are clustered ♪" "♪ He knows all their wishes they're waiting for dishes ♪" "♪ It's not his uniform spic 'n spruce ♪" "♪ Cause he looks too much like a Charlotte Russe ♪" "♪ Oh, Captain Cussie ♪" "Miss?" "Do you think I could hire your friend for a stag party?" "You gotta take both of us." "We work together." "♪ Oh, sir on the Q.T. ♪" "♪ I'm Private Tutti-Frutti and I'm now reporting' for duty ♪" "♪ You'll find while I'm here, sir ♪" "♪ No one is fiercer than me ♪ 'Tenshun!" "♪ I'm one of those creatures who thrives on double features ♪" "♪ My devastating charm will count ♪" "♪ I'm in there pitching' for Paramount ♪ Aaah!" "♪ Pardon my stating but I'm so captivating ♪" "♪ That the folks won't notice they're waitin' ♪" "♪ They'll stand defeated and smile though unseated ♪" "♪ I've got more medals across my chest ♪" "♪ Than in all West Point or in all points west ♪" "♪ Cute, Tutti-Frutti ♪" "Pvt. Tutti-Frutti, Yes." "I award you the medal for finding that pocketbook... and returning half the money." "It was nothing at all." "Does that go with it?" "That's it." "Oh-ho-ho." "Well" "'Tenshun!" "'Tenshun!" "For bravery." "I'll mail it to you." "Getting rough, aren't they, Gordon?" "There they go!" "Ow-ow-ow-ow." "What do you want?" "Same as you, but you're the captain." "You wouldn't know how to handle this." "What do you mean?" "Give me your medals." "You Indian giver." "Leave me ammunition." "This is out of your department." "It's chilly outside." "Yes, it is." "I said-- Ohhh!" "♪ Oh, Captain Custard ♪" "Watch." "What is it?" "Bank night?" "What's that for?" "To buy yourself a hand organ... and a red hat for your monkey." "Me?" "Yeah." "Let's show him that other number we do." "Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker's man." "Bake a cake as fast as you" "He's made us the laughingstock of the whole country!" "I demand a public apology." "You've got to bring him back." "Back from where?" "All we know is this." "What's this?" "The gentleman on the right is your prospective son-in-law." "Yes, Mr. Mallon." "I want a listing of every ship that left Honolulu... in the past three weeks." "Yes, sir." "You've got to bring him back on his hands and knees, if you have to break his neck to do it." "What are you getting excited for?" "I'm the one who should be excited, and I'm perfectly calm." "He can't have gone far, unless he fell overboard, which is too much to hope for." "He must be somewhere on there." "There she goes." "And here we are." "And as our ship of dreams sails into the golden sunset" "Leaving the magic isle of Kaigoon" "And the rover boys in peace and quiet... far, far from the workaday world" "Ta-da-la-da." "Ta-da-la-da." "Ta-da-la-da." "Ta-da-la-da." "Da-da-da-da." "Ra-ta-ta-ta." "That washes up Gloria and Cherry." "Do you realize how close I came to gettin' hooked?" "Me too." "We've got to agree right now... no more women." "No women of any kind, size, shape, or color." "Not even midgets." "If either one of us even looks at anything in a skirt, the other can clip his ears off and stuff 'em down his throat." "I hope you choke." "How you gonna look streamlined?" "Get a load of this." "Hmm?" "Marvelous invention." "Should be one in every home." "That's a tropical incinerator." "How 'bout this, huh?" "Soft as goofer feathers." "Who wrote that song, "This Is The Life"?" "This is the joint we've been lookin' for." "How you gonna beat it?" "Lay in the hot sun, reach up and get a coconut, throw a hook out, and you get a fish." " How much you holdin'?" " We're loaded... $1.28, net." "That should be enough to light a fire under a couple of short beers." "Are you ready?" "Comin'." "Comin'." "Five." "This one's on you, my friend." "Cut." "Wait." "What's cookin'?" "Bravo!" "I think he wants her to give up cigarettes." "Yeah." "Nix." "You want that dude to snap out your front rack?" "You don't think I'm afraid of him, do you?" "I am." "Why you" "Come on." "Come on." "Go on." "How 'bout gettin' up, junior?" "Come on." "Get up." "What's the matter?" "It's on sidesaddle." "I'll fix that." "How's that?" "Better." "Thanks." "How 'bout a little breakfast?" "Wouldn't hurt." "Why don't you let her get it?" "That's not a bad idea." "Come on, get up." "Hey!" "She's a sound sleeper, this kid." " She's gone!" " Gone?" "I thought so." "My knife!" "Our money... 42 cents!" "It's gone." "My watch..." "My grandfather's watch!" "We're clean." "She didn't leave us change of a match." "Serves us right for gettin' mixed up with a dame." "Where'd she go?" "I tell you, Caesar, I do not know." "Where is she?" "Everything I know I have already tell you." "She has gone with the Americans." "Aah!" "Good morning to you." " Where's my knife?" " Right here." "I tried to sell it;" "but the man, he laughed." "Where's my watch?" "Right here." "That was my grandfather's watch!" "Could you eat it?" "No, but you can't take things like that." "Why don't you ask us when you want something?" "Did you buy this too?" "I got that from where I used to live." "This is mine." "Why didn't you hock that instead of my grandfather's watch?" "Because in Kaigoon you do not need a watch." "This we may need." "Ah." "There is a spring in the forest." "Go get some water." "Go on." "And you can build a fire." "Huh?" "You'll find firewood right outside." "Go ahead." "Hurry up." "♪ When shadows fall ♪" "♪ And the night is dark and deep ♪" "♪ I've a rendezvous ♪" "♪ That I must keep ♪" "♪ Or my poor heart ♪" "♪ Would not sleep ♪" "♪ I have two friends ♪" "♪ The strangest company ♪" "♪ The gay lighthearted moon ♪" "♪ And the willow tree ♪" "♪ The sad willow tree ♪" "♪ And when we meet ♪" "♪ I notice suddenly ♪" "♪ The moon begins to smile ♪" "♪ But the willow tree ♪" "♪ Starts weeping for me ♪" "♪ Somehow I know it's about my love ♪" "♪ The willow must doubt my love ♪" "♪ Will ever appear ♪" "♪ And yet ♪" "♪ The moon seems to say ♪" "♪ My love will soon be here ♪" "♪ Which one is right ♪" "♪ They never quite agree ♪" "♪ The smiling moon ♪" "♪ And the weeping ♪" "♪ Willow tree ♪" "♪♪" "♪ Da-da-da-da-dee♪" "♪ Da-da-da-da-da ♪" "♪ Da-da-da-da-dee ♪" "♪ Da-da-da-da-da♪" "Where you goin'?" "Oh, I" "I need some air." "The night air's bad for you." "Back in the net." "Yeah." "♪ The smiling moon ♪" "♪ And the weeping ♪" "♪ Willow tree ♪♪" "Mama!" "Where's Mima?" "She come and get her clothes." "Where'd she go?" "She do not tell me." "If she comes back, find out where she lives." "And do not say I have been here." "Thank you." "You've certainly had a busy life." "Yes, and my father... he had so much life in him..." "the way he laughed!" "It made people feel good just to be near him." " What was your mother like?" " Oh, she was very beautiful." "She was a dancer." "My father met her in Algiers... and they were married that very day." "Where, uh-- When did he" "My father was killed." "My mother did not live long afterwards." "Oh, that's tough." "How'd you happen to get mixed up with this..." "Caesar?" "After my father died, my mother had a hard time." "She worked with Caesar." "I think he was in love with her." "After she was gone, I just kept on with him... because I did not know anything else." "It was all right while I was young, but... now, the way Caesar acts," "I think it is good I am away from him." "You think she's workin' on us?" "How do you mean?" "The cooking and the routine about her father and mother." "What is that?" "Yeah, how 'bout this?" "Movin' in, takin' charge..." "she's gettin' kind of clubby." "She's really dreaming it up." "What does she want?" "Got me worried." "Me too." "First thing we know, she'll be gettin' our slippers, sending out the laundry, and lighting' my pipe." "Yeah." "Shh." "Break it up." "There." "That is better." "See what I mean?" "What are you doin'?" "I must keep the place clean for you." "You cleaned me out good..." "out of watches." "You will get your watch back as soon as you go to work." " Work?" " Work!" "Listen, fellas," "I want you to stand there and admire me for a while." "I got a idea that's gonna make us a fortune." "I don't know how I do it!" "Whatta ya got?" "Soap and water, that's what!" "And stuff a guy in a medicine show told me about." "All you have to do is get me some bottles... any kind." "Bottles?" "Big bottles, small bottles, pints, quarts" " Help!" " If I get you" "Help!" "What's the matter?" " She's got it." " I have not." "What has she got?" "What has she got!" "She's got-- ♪ An apple for the teacher ♪" "♪ Will always do the trick ♪" "That's enough." "Suckers are in." "Now folks, we'll regale you with a slight song." "You vamp me, brother?" "One vamp coming up." "♪♪" "♪ Do you remember Yuba who played on the tuba ♪" "♪ And made the rumba such a popular beat ♪" "♪ The old peanut vendor was a solid sender ♪" "♪ Not to mention Piccolo Pete ♪" "♪ Of course you've heard of Sammy from Alabammy ♪" "♪ That old accordion man ♪" "♪ Well, while we're on the subject ♪" "♪ Do you know how the beguine began ♪" "♪ Music soothes the savage ♪" "♪ That's a well-known phrase ♪" "♪ But your heart becomes full of kettle drums ♪" "♪ When the sweet potato piper plays ♪" "♪ Go on, throw your hats up ♪" "♪ Shout a few hoorays ♪" "♪ 'Cause you can't hold back you're just a jumpin' jack ♪" "♪ When the sweet potato piper plays ♪" "♪ Though it's not a magic flute ♪" "♪ There's a fascinating' toot ♪" "♪ It's not exactly beautiful ♪" "♪ It's sort of like I don't know ♪" "♪ I guess you call it cute ♪" "♪ Sunbeams try new dance steps ♪" "♪ Songbirds sound their "A's" ♪" "♪ And the world joins in with a great big grin ♪" "♪ When the sweet potato piper plays... play piper ♪" "♪♪" "Well, yes." "Naturally!" "♪♪" "♪ When the sweet potato piper plays♪" "Get me out of this." "♪ Sunbeams try new dance steps ♪" "♪ Songbirds sound their "A's" ♪" "♪ And the world joins in with a great big grin ♪" "♪ When the sweet potato piper plays ♪♪" "Now, ladies and gentlemen, my associate... has an item he wishes to describe to you." "This contains no grit, grime or grease;" "made from bark, root, herbs and berries." "For your kind indulgence, I want to introduce Spotto, the miracle worker." "Remove spots, stains, blemishes of all kinds, and will make your clothes the color of snow." "Pure as the driven snow!" "You know what snow is." "No, I guess you don't." "Who'll take the first bottle?" "I'm going to pass it among you so you can inspect it." "There you are..." "Spotto, the miracle worker!" "The dollar bottle, selling for 50 cents, is now available for a quarter." "Down to a quarter?" "I'll take a dime." "Dipped to a dime." "A cigar coupon." "An old razor blade." "A beat-up yam." "A bus ticket." "We're gonna make a fortune, all right." "Wait, don't sell another bottle." "Back in the trunk." "I have one more attractive offer to make before we close." "I'm gonna remove any spot in the crowd free of charge." "A demonstration!" "That's it." "If somebody will just walk in." "Ahhh!" "There's your man." "Agh!" "There's your man." "A volunteer." "Yes, sir." "Gentlemen, please-- the suit." "Oh, wait." "Where's your broom?" "Have you any spots?" "Only when I open my eyes." "You must have a spot somewhere." "What is this blemish here?" "That is my moustache." "Ho-ho-ho." "You oughta cut a firebreak in it." "Absolutely!" "Does your chest ever get jealous of your upper lip?" "A mighty pretty thing!" "There's a spot!" "Right there!" "Disgusting, isn't it?" "Well, I go." "Oh, no, not with our spot." "The spot, she stays." "But I go." "Wait." "Come right up." "We're not gonna harm you." "Watch this... an amazing demonstration." "Ixnay, ixnay." "You're overdoing it." "A new assistant." "Don't worry, there'll be no extra charge." "Watch closely." "I'll have it gone like that!" "Pretty bad spot." "How'd that happen?" "Well, I-- Is it ink?" "Couldn't be." "You have to be able to write for that." "Is it soup?" "No, but you're getting hot." "Bubbles a little, but it'll quiet right down." "Ye gads!" "It's alive!" "Nothing to worry about." "I'll have it out-- Just like that?" "Look, folks, Spotto, the housewife's friend, the working man's delight." "Look." "Just like a blonde riding a white horse through a flock of swans." "What am I gonna do with all this lather?" "There's nothing to worry about." "If nobody claims it in 30 days, brother, it's yours." "That's all right." "You never have to be alarmed about Spotto." "We're takin' it on the lam." "All right, just stand by." "I'll clean off that spot." "There you are, my friend." "Just like I told you..." "no brush, no lather, no spot." "No coat!" "So I ain't neat." "Fake!" "Fake!" "Fake!" "Why didn't you try out that stuff before you used it?" "I did once before in Brooklyn." "What happened?" "Same thing." "Ohh!" "♪ Ohhh♪" "♪ Ohhh♪" "♪ Ohhh♪" "♪ Ohhh ♪" "♪ Carry me back ♪" "♪ To old Virginie ♪" "♪ Ohhh ♪" "♪ That's where the cotton ♪" "♪ And the corn and the 'taters grow♪" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "I've got work to do, and you're making a nuisance of yourself." "Yes, and I'm doing an awfully good job of it too." "I'm going to report you to the police." "Where's Mr. Willow?" "Your whole attitude is "abdominal"!" "I'm sure that's not the word I mean." "Mr. Willow?" "It's from the home office, direct to me." "It's probably that you're fired." "Well, come on." "What does it say?" "None of your business." "It's confidential." "That face!" "Who is that face?" "Mr. Mallon's son." "He's missing." "Missing?" "He's here in Kaigoon." "How could he be in Kaigoon?" "How could he be in Kaigoon?" "Listen." "I'm walking down the street." "This fellow grabs me, takes me by the coat." "I struggle, but I cannot get away." "He pulls me." "He pulls me." "All right, he's here." "Let me go." "He shakes me." "Then, he throws some stuff on me." "He rubs and rubs and rubs... and rubs and scrubs and scrubs... and scrubs and scrubs." "And that's how I know he's in Kaigoon!" "Ace, this is for cigarettes." "Right?" "No, Josh, no." "Do not nail them up." "Just put them over the pole." "That is what it is for." "You know that is part of the stove too." "That did it." "That's the last straw." "Me, too." ""This is for cigarettes, Ace."" ""Better wash the dishes, boys." "Fetch water, chop the wood."" "What are we?" "Robots?" "This is worse than being married." "Only we're not married." "If we had a wife, we'd have a wife... instead of cauliflower thumb." "We'd probably wind up with housemaid's knees." "That'd be cute." "If you say anything to her, she looks sad at you... with those big eyes and you're cooked." "She's gotta go." "Yeah." "Well, I'll call her in here and you tell her." "What's the matter with you?" "You tell her." "I'll call her in and we'll both tell her." "All right." "Mima." "Hey, Mima." "Yes, what is it?" "Ace, please." "Oh, I'm sor" "Did you want me?" "Ace has something to tell you." "We've been talking it over here, and... we're just a couple of regular guys." "This prettying up" "The place was good enough for us the way it used to be." "Don't you think?" "If you do not like" "It's not exactly that." "I don't know." "It just don't seem to work out." "It's just not working out, this stuff." "A couple of fellows like us, we like to come and go." "Having a girl around, it's sort of off-the-elbow." "You mean, you want me to leave?" "Well, that's the general idea." "I see." "Well" "I was cooking these beans a new way." "You must keep adding water or they will burn." "I think she's leaving." "You wanted her to go, didn't you?" "You wanted her to go, didn't you?" "She's going." "All right, she's going." "Well" "There's nothing else to say." "Good-bye." "It's not exactly good-bye." "We'll be seeing you around." "Yeah, we'll see you." "This is for cigarettes." "Yeah." "Let's spread out and get back in the mood." "I thought I handled that pretty well, didn't you?" "You did what?" "I handled the situation here pretty well." "This situation?" "Who else?" "Yeah." "What was I doing in there?" "You were weakening." "I had to back you up." "Digging your toe like both the rover boys." "I packed her bag and put her on the bus." "But I was the heavy in the whole piece." "I had my whip right there." "I was the man that accomplished the final brush-off." "You want the bow?" "Take a bow." "Take a light bow." "There's nobody there." "Ta-da." "That's fine." "You did it all?" "I think so." "I'm snookered again." "Partially." "Thank you very much." "Thank you." "Good night." "Let's get it." "Come on." "Come on!" "Listen, I'm not going to argue with you." "I told you you're coming with me and that's" "Well, what are you standing there for?" "Go on, get in the house and fix those beans." "Didn't you hear what he said?" "Hey, you better wipe off your feet a little." "Who?" "Hey, where you going?" "I gotta see a man about a job." "What job?" "Just a job." "What are you gonna be doing while I'm gone?" "I don't know." "You just stay in the boat, huh?" "What for?" "Because I wanna know where you are." "Don't give me that baby stare." "I've been hearing things." "Hearing what?" "About what you've been doing behind my back." "Like what?" "Like walking in the woods with Mima." "What's wrong with walking?" "Nothing!" "But how about those evenings you spent on the beach holding her hand?" "What hand?" "You've been holding it, haven't you?" "Supposing I have." "Maybe I gotta." "Oh, you gotta?" "You got no resistance." "I can love them and leave them." "But the minute they look dreamy at you, you send for a preacher." "When they look dreamy at you, their father sends for the preacher." "Why don't you lay off protecting me?" "That's our agreement." "No women, remember?" "Skip the agreement." "See if you can arrange to stay in the boat." "What's the matter?" "Don't you trust me?" "No." "Look at these, monsieur." "These better than the others?" "Oui, much, much." "For any young lady, these would be very elegant." "15 paseks." "Okay, wrap them up." "Merci, monsieur." "Wrap them up nice with a lot of ribbon." "Very nice, monsieur, very nice." "Put one of these flowers on top." "Let's go first class." "Oui." "What are you doing in here?" "Getting myself a few things." "Oh, yeah?" "Mm-hmm." "How long you been wearing these?" "All right, so you caught me." "Take a walk, will you?" "Where'd you get the dough?" "You hocked my ring." "You never looked good in it anyhow." "There you are, monsieur." "Thank you, I'll take those." "Wait a minute." "Whose money paid for them?" "Come on, now." "What is this?" "Let me carry it for a while, huh?" "It ain't heavy." "Taking my ring." "That's stealing." "If you wanted it, why didn't you ask me?" "I'd have given it to ya." "Yeah, you'd give me your knife too, without asking." "What are you going to say when you give it to her?" "I'll think of something." "I know how you work." "What are you going to say?" "Don't worry about me." "I'll think of something." "That's what I'm afraid of." "Get up forward, I'll paddle." "Hey, hey, you double-crossing wolf." "How am I going to get home?" "You'll think of something." "Oh, Mima." "Hello, Josh." "I got a present for you." "Oh, but you shouldn't have done that." "Oh, why not?" "Here, let me save the flower." "You need the money." "We don't need it that bad." "I just hope you like them, that's all." "Nice?" "Oh, they're wonderful." "They're wonderful, Josh." "I've never had a pair of silk stockings in my life." "I had to sort of guess about the size." "I didn't know exactly what you wore." "Such a pretty color." "Look how soft and smooth." "Guaranteed not to rip, run or bag at the knees." "You and Ace shouldn't have done this." "Ace?" "He had nothing to do with it." "He said we had no business spending the money." "He's a nice guy, but he's a little on the tight side." "I said it's only money." "If Mima wants them, I'm gonna buy them." "This is the most wonderful present I've ever had." "Where is Ace?" "He'll be along." "There was a girl he had to see." "A girl?" "That's Ace... he's chasing dames all the time." "I did not know Ace was like that." "Oh, yes." "With Ace it's a new one every minute." "He'll sit on the beach with them and hold hands." "He'll leave them flat, just like that." "He will?" "Yes." "I promise you, I know this Ace Lannigan." "I know how he works, and I'm the best friend he's got." "♪ I'm so afraid of night ♪" "♪ 'Cause I'm too romantic ♪" "♪ Moonlight and stars ♪" "♪ Have made such a fool of me ♪" "♪ You know you're much too near ♪" "♪ And I'm too romantic♪" "♪ Now wouldn't I look a sight on a bended knee ♪" "♪ I'm startled when you whisper ♪" "♪ I'll run if you should sigh ♪" "♪ I must be so careful ♪" "♪ Or I'll kiss my heart good-bye♪" "♪ You shouldn't let me dream ♪" "♪ 'Cause I'm too romantic ♪" "♪ Don't make me fall unless ♪" "♪ It could all come true ♪" "♪ How can you say to me that you're too romantic ♪" "Well, I mean it." "I'm really sincere." "♪ Moonlight and stars have had no effect on you ♪" "Oh, yes they have." "I remember a girl at the junior prom." "♪ What if I am too near ♪" "♪ And you're too romantic ♪" "That's dangerous." "Don't you see?" "You being there" "♪ I'm half afraid you wouldn't know what to do ♪" "They tell me your first impulse is the best one." "♪ I'll tell you in a whisper ♪" "♪ The reason for my sigh ♪" "♪ And if you believe me ♪" "♪ You can kiss your heart good-bye ♪" "That's what I'm afraid of." "♪ I wouldn't harm your dream ♪" "♪ 'Cause you're too romantic ♪" "Now you're catching on." "♪ And if you fall well then ♪" "♪ It would all come true ♪♪" "Josh!" "I don't agree with you at all, Gloria." "You've tried reasoning with him and got nowhere." "There are degrees of reasoning." "Your idea is to hit people on the head with a baseball bat." "Do you know of any better way of handling Josh?" "Why do you suppose I came along?" "Oh, I'm famished." "I'm so hungry my spare tire is deflated." "Pretty near." "Not those poor bones again." "I think perhaps they will make soup once more." "I think they've earned a rest." "How about some flapjacks, huh?" "Where's the flour?" "Ace took it." "Ace took it?" "Where is he?" "He's outside." "Ace, where's" "What are you doing with our flour?" "Boy, are we gonna eat!" "Eat that muck?" "No, this is for cockroaches." "We're starving to death and you're feeding cockroaches." "No, this is Scrammo, the miracle exterminator." "I'm gonna put it in jars and sell it for two bits." "That stuff won't kill cockroaches." "It will if they eat it." "Suppose they refuse." "We'll stuff it down their throats." "Hey, Sonny, come here." "I never thought I'd stoop to this." "What do you got there?" "You see what it is." "Yeah, that's food." "What are you gonna do with it?" "Take it home." "You could have a lot of fun with a knife like this." "It's practically new." "Ah!" "It's no good." "What do you mean, no good?" "Hello, rugged." "Where did you get this food?" "At the feast." "Feast?" "Where?" "Over there." "They're giving food away!" "Oh, they're giving food away." "Come on, let's get Mima." " The feast is only for natives." " Natives?" "Go get that Scrammo and bring it in here." "Scrammo?" "What are you doing?" "Are you going crazy?" "No, we're going native and you're going with us." "What is this?" "This might not be good for cockroaches, but it is for us." "Uh, uh." "Sukka dokka wokey?" "No sukka dokka." "Sukka dokka, bicarbonate of soda." "Okeydokey." "Sukka dokka, one for Monday." "Sukka dokka." "Hey, Ninkey-Poo is sure giving you the business." "I think she's the local dressmaker." "What'd he do with the match?" "He just gave his stomach the hot foot." "So this is where he lives, eh?" "Charming view." "I imagine on a clear day one can see... the cannibals eating a missionary." "This is what he left home for." " Where is he?" " I wish I knew." "Look, what have I got here?" "It is his cap." "It is his cap." "It is his cap." "Why are you saying to me what I am saying to you?" "It is his cap." "Well?" "This boy, he see them go away." "Ask him where they went." "Sula malanga ini sukow awanga?" "Sukow awanga nilo ti si doog." "What'd he say?" "They're at the feast." "Oh, I never should have eaten that last duck." "I do not feel so good myself." "Would you like me to rub your back?" "That's not where they are." "Care for some fruit?" "Oh, check, check." "File them." "How often do they give these little taffy pulls?" "Once a year." "That's a long time between meals." "Here I go again." "What came in?" "Where is Josh going?" "Where is he always going?" "Sees a pair of big brown eyes and starts doing nip-ups." "Give him a girl, a moon and some stars and he goes haywire." "Just give him a girl." "I did not know Josh was like that." "Oh, sure he is." "I know him." "I know how he works, and I'm the best friend he's got." "Hu-e nui-nui!" "♪ Jen la luno nova ♪" "♪ Brilas amon nur ♪" "♪ Kaj virino viron ♪" "♪ Ravas lau natur' ♪" "♪ Nun elektu iun kaj do dancu kun li ♪" "♪ Vera koro batas ja en ciu el ni ♪" "♪ Preta kaj kapabla kaj volanta por vi♪" "♪ Do ne staru vane venu nu tien ci ♪" "♪ Jen la luno nova ♪" "♪ Brilas amon nur ♪" "♪ Kaj virino viron♪" "♪ Ravas lau natur'♪" "♪ Ugh, ugh, ugh ♪" "♪ Ugh, ugh, ugh ♪" "♪ Chu, chu, chuh ♪" "♪ Chu, chu, chuh ♪" "♪ Chu, chu, chuh ♪" "♪ Chu, chu, chuh ♪" "♪ Huh, huh, huh, ha ♪" "♪ Huh, huh, huh, ha ♪" "♪ Huh, huh, huh, ha ♪" "♪ Huh, huh, huh, ha ♪" "♪ Chu, chu, chuh ♪" "♪ Chu, chu, chuh ♪" "♪ Chu, chu, chuh ♪" "♪ Shhh huh ♪" "Do they have jitterbugs down here too?" "What's cooking here?" "That's freewheeling." "Well, pardon me." "No." "She wants to play." "No." "But I have to be courteous." "It is their marriage ceremony." "Each girl chooses a man." "If they like each other, they are to be married." "This is the way they pick their husbands." "Pick their husbands?" "How do you say "scram" in Kaigoon?" "Go away." "He is mine." "Spread out." "That was a close one." "In another minute she'd have had a wedding ring through my nose." "♪ Mi pluvos kaj teruros la bru' ♪" "♪ De fulmo kaj tondro en kajgun ♪" "♪ Ankau iam venos malgoj'♪" "♪ Sed nenio venkos I'amom nun♪" "♪ Cielo ho ♪" "♪ Jen kison por sigeli ♪" "♪ La promeson eterne kune♪" "How do you like that?" "He's chasing her into the woods." "That is part of the ceremony." "If he catches her, he gets a set of dishes, huh?" "♪ Du keil unu ♪" "♪ Jen la luno nova ♪" "♪ Brilas amon nur♪" "♪ Kaj virino viron ♪" "♪ Ravas lau natur' ♪" "Boy, what a swell spot to open a hot dog stand." "Say, they're marrying them off like flies." "♪ Nun elektu iun kajo do ♪" "Josh, she's got Josh!" "Josh?" "Gosh!" "♪ Jen le luno nova ♪" "No, no, wait." "You cannot go in there." "Why not?" "You must dance." "Well, let's dance." "♪♪" "How am I doing, bubbles?" "Break it up, will you?" "I'm dancing my way into food for the winter." "She has chosen you as a husband." "Huh?" "You're out of circulation." "That's the wedding march." "Get me out of this." "Send for the marines." "What are you doing?" "I'm a decoy." "Sukka nu!" "Make a break for it." "Here comes Ferdinand." "Get me outta here." "He's here somewhere." "♪♪" "Sukka nu." "Sukka nu." "There he is!" "What's that?" "That is your son." "Josh, what the devil are you doing?" "Dr. Livingstone, I presume." "Hello, Skipper." " Hello, Gloria." " Hello, Josh." "Have you gone completely mad?" "She's marrying me." "It's about time." "No, that's not Mima." "Mima's over there." "Go ahead, take five." "I'll see you." "It's the most disgraceful thing you've ever done." "You're coming home with us and you're coming right now." "I can't-- Never mind, Josh." "We'll play Indian every Friday night." "Oh, I don't know" "And that girl?" "Who is that girl?" "That's Gloria Wycott." "Josh is engaged to her." "She is very beautiful." "It's the craziest thing I ever heard of!" "Josh, I don't know where you get it from, but it's lunacy, just plain lunacy." "You'd rather stay and live in that pigsty, than go home where you belong and live like a civilized human being?" "Now, put down that baseball bat and let me talk to him." "Josh, you remember me, don't you?" "The Wycott girl?" "Sure." "Here's the general idea." "We're gonna take a nice leisurely cruise home." "Give you time to get over eating with your fingers." "Then every night in the moonlight I'll whisper sweet nothings in your ear." "You wouldn't want me if I didn't want to go back, would you?" "There are some things around here I like." "Yes, I saw one of them and I don't blame you." "But, Josh, you've never seen me in a sarong." "I'm quite a dish." "Sure, but" "I told you." "You're wasting your time." "I want no more nonsense." "We're sailing tomorrow, and you're going with us!" "But why would he want to live here like he was a nobody?" "Why did he come with you in the first place?" "I don't know." "That's Josh for you." "Do you think he will go back with her?" "I guess so." "He always said they'd get him in the end." "Maybe it is better that way." "That girl." "She is very pretty." "Gloria's all right, I guess." "But for my money, I'll take a homemaker." "But Ace, you always said that you" "Yeah, but a fellow has to learn, hasn't he?" "Take when I came here with Josh, we didn't even have a place to put our cigarette butts." "Used to kick them through a hole in the floor." "Mima, when a guy does that he's sunk pretty low." "Has he?" "Yeah." "And then you came, and look at the joint now." "It's a home." "You like a home?" "Sure, I do." "Nothing but roaming around." "Eating in hash joints." "Half the time with no toes in my socks." "I wouldn't ask a dog to do that." "Well, I said it." "You said what?" "For Pete sakes, I'm asking you to marry me!" "Ace, you are very sweet." "Am I?" "Sure enough?" "Hiya, fellows." "Josh!" "What are you doing back here?" "I abdicated." "From now on I'm gonna be nothing but a nothing." "Just like you two." "You are not going back?" "No, they're sailing tomorrow, but I'm gonna stick around." "I gotta protect my interests." "Wait a minute." "I got a little stock in this corporation too." "What is this?" "You don't seem to be happy that I'm staying." "You got a girl." "Why don't you go home with her?" "You can't have everybody." "Why not?" "'Cause I got some ideas myself, that's why not." "Just when I start doing all right, you come back." "Well, you dopey-looking cluck." "You're kidding." "You, in love." "What's the matter?" "Dopier-looking clucks than me have been in love." "Name one." "What's the difference between me and you?" "I'm human, ain't I?" "There's been some complaints." "I don't go around singing, but I love her more than you do." "What do you think of that?" "There, I said it." "You said it, all right" "Giving her the same line you give every gal before you run out." "I suppose you didn't run out on Gloria?" "I'm in love with her myself!" "What do you know about that?" "I wanna marry her." "What do you think of that?" "So do I." "Why do you suppose I'm staying here-- Josh, Ace... please." "Let's settle this." "She picks one and the other is out." "You can't put her in a spot." "Suppose she don't want either one of us?" "What's the matter?" "You scared?" "All right, you asked for it." "There you are, Mima." "Which one?" "I'm sorry, Josh." "Hey, I'm doing all right for a dopey-looking cluck." "I hope you know just how good you are doing." "Mima, he'll cause you a lot of trouble and never make a quarter." "But he'll hand you a million laughs." "Uh, Captain." "Uh, Captain." "I would like to know something." "I would like to know if to stay in this country a man must have a passport." "You have not got one?" "Oh, yes, I've got one." "But I know one fellow who has not." "Who is he?" "An American sailor." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Anybody home?" "Are you Lannigan?" "You haven't got a daughter that's getting married, have you?" "No." "Why?" "Then, I'm Lannigan." "What do you want?" "Your passport-- let me see it." "My what?" "Your passport." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "I had it right here." "Oh, Mima!" "Did you send my other suit out to the cleaners?" "Oh, yes, it had spots all over it." "I did not think of looking through the pockets." "She sent it out." "Come back tomorrow-- That is too bad." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "What I'd give for a patty-cake!" "What are you going to do with him?" "Deport him." "♪ Dee-dee-dee-dee ♪" "♪ Dee-dee ♪" "♪ Da-da-doon da-doo ♪" "♪ You know you're much too near ♪" "♪ And I'm too romantic ♪" "♪ Wouldn't I be a sight on a bended knee ♪" "♪ I'm startled when you whisper ♪" "♪ I'll run if you should sigh ♪" "♪ I must be so careful ♪" "♪ Or I'll kiss my heart good-bye ♪" "♪ You shouldn't let me dream ♪" "♪ 'Cause I'm too romantic ♪" "♪ Don't make me fall ♪" "♪ Unless it could all ♪" "♪ Come true ♪♪" "Oh." "Are you ready for some bridge?" "Yeah, I'm ready." "Darling, you've kept us waiting for hours." "I'm sorry." "Let's go down." "Look at that gorgeous moon." "Isn't it lovely?" "Take your prisoner to the boat." "Hey, wait a minute." "What kind of a racket is this?" "You're gonna get in trouble." "I know some big people." "Tell them hello for me." "Tell them hello for you." "I oughta" "Ace!" "Ace, where are you?" "Ace." "What do you want?" "What have they done with him?" "He is already gone." "Come on." "Come on." "What is the matter with you, Lannigan?" "Lannigan, come" "No..." "No!" "Help, police!" "Come on." "Help!" "Shut up!" "Hurry along." "We're ready to sail." "Come on, men." "Here is zee papers." "That's fine." "No, no!" "He..." "He!" "Not me!" "What's the matter with him?" "He's nuts." "As you say in your language, he's "nots"!" "No, he is-- Come on, men." "Get him out of here." "You can't get away with this!" "You can't get away with this." "Auf wiedersehn." "Ace, Ace!" "Wait a minute." "There!" "There!" "It is his sweetheart." "She will tell you." " They are taking him away." " Oh, Ace!" "Ace!" "Ace, darling." "Officer, you cannot take him." "No!" "I love him." "He has not done anything." "My heart, she bleeds." "But what can I do?" "It's not true." "Come, woman." "It's him, not me!" "Get him aboard." "You're all right." "You think fast." "We must leave here fast." "Yeah, we're hot." "Go ahead!" "There's a boat sailing tonight, the Star of Asia." "The first mate's a friend I used to borrow money from." "When we land someplace, I'll get a job." "Steady, I mean." "That's a laugh." "Me working." "One of these days I'll get you all dolled up... and we'll walk in on Josh and Gloria... and will they keel over, boy." "We'll get married right away, huh?" "Yes, Ace, right away." "I sure spin around inside every time I look at you." "Guess that must be love, huh?" "Everything looks so good, feels so good." "The air and everything." "That the way you feel?" "Yes, that is the way I feel." "We'll get along fine." "We will be very happy." "Why'd you do it, Mima?" "Do what?" "What's the use of kidding ourselves?" "It's just not there." "Do not talk that way, Ace." "We will get married and-- Oh, no, we won't." "It's Josh you want, isn't it?" "No, Josh is where he should be." "So that's it." "You went noble, huh?" "No..." "No, it is just that..." "I saw that girl and his father and..." "I knew that he was not for me." "Forgive me, Ace." "Please, forgive me." "Josh, Sir Malcolm's a very important man." "They don't hold these boats for everyone." "I want you to be particularly nice to him." "Malcolm's in a position to swing me a million dollars of business." "I never heard of such a thing." "Never, in all my life!" "Sir Malcolm, what happened?" "Some blithering idiot on shore pulled me out of the crowd, and nearly ripped my coat off my back." "Did you fall?" "Chucked a lot of muck all over me." "Sir Malcolm, Spotto!" "That's it, Spotto!" "Slobbered it all over me." "Where, where?" "Where was this?" "How the blazes do I know?" "Down the blasted street." "Josh, where are you going?" "Josh!" "Come back here." "What do you mean" "That little scene is called "Spurned At The Altar"... or "The Sailor's Farewell."" "Have you seen a fellow with a sweet potato selling soap?" "No, sir, do you want to buy something?" "No." "Oh, Ace!" "Ace!" "Oh, Ace!" "Ladies and gentlemen, I want to show you Spotto, miracle worker." "Step right up and take a bottle of this home." "The usual dollar bottle sells for 50 cents." "I'm not gonna ask a quarter." "I'm not gonna ask a dime." "If anybody's got a hot nickel, step up and get this." "One hot nickel." "That's all." "Who wants a bottle?" "I'll take a dozen bottles." "There's a man who'll take" "Josh!" "Gosh, Josh!" "Well, Ace." "How are you, Josh?" "I've been trying to send a wedding present all over" "But we're not-- We didn't get married." "You didn't-- You're the dopey-looking cluck she wants." "Me?" "Yeah, you." "Step in." "Well, Mima." "Oh, Josh." "You know what brought this happy couple back together?" "Spotto, the magic love potion." "One dollar a bottle." "Come in, get happy." "Reunites lovers." "Cupid in a bottle." "And he ruined my suit." "Yeah?" "Come on." "I paid him for it." "Come on, you go with us." "Here we go again." "Josh, beef!" "You ruined his suit." "Now you go with us." "Wait just a second." "Time, time." "Here, take it easy." "Josh, I'm going with them." "Oh, you're going with them?" "Yes, I'm going with them." "Will you be gone long?" "I'll check back from time to time." "Oh, capital good." "I'll take over while you're gone." "Yes, do." "But don't forget." "Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker's man." "Bake a cake as fast as you"