"Evening barkeep." "I would like to purchase some alcohol, please." "Uh-huh." "What can I get you?" "Well, I'm 26, as you can see from my license." "Congratulations." "What can I get you?" "A banana daiquiri, my good man." "I'm Crystal." "What's your name?" " Hi, Crystal." " I'm Gary." "Gary, I don't want to embarrass you, but you are just... you are just a stunning-looking man." "I know, right?" "Ooh!" "Thanks!" "So, Gary, you having a good time tonight?" "Mm!" "Thank you for asking, Crystal." "This is, like, the best night ever." "Do you think we could make it any better?" "Probably." "I don't know." "I mean, do you want to get out of here?" "Well, I-I kind of like this bar, and I just ordered this daiquiri." "I mean..." "Do you want to get out of here with me?" "Are we talking about sex?" "Well, I, uh..." "Yeah." "I suppose we are." "Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you." "Great." "Then let's go." "Love that jacket on you, by the way." "Thanks." "Actually... the whole outfit is new." "Supernatural Season 5 Episode 12 "Swap Meat"" "Dean and Sammy Winchester." "So, how long has it been?" "The summer before 6th grade." "Mm-hmm." "I remember." "You assigned yourself your own reading list." "That's right." "I forgot about that." "Your mom happens to be the best babysitter we ever had." "Well, when I was a maid at the Mayflower, out on the interstate, long before you were even an idea... their daddy used to pass through town and leave the boys with me" "While... he went off to... work." "One time, he was gone for two weeks." " Two weeks?" " Mm-hmm." "Oh, he'd always come limping back." "He loved you boys." "Do you know what he did all that time?" "Little Sammy kept trying to tell me." "of course, I didn't believe him." "Not at first, anyway." "Katie, our dad, um... happened to be an expert at getting rid of ghosts, and now, so are we." "That's why I called them, sweetie, they can help us." "Sounds like you guys got yourself a poltergeist." "Started a month or two after we moved in." "Yeah, first I-it was, uh, just bumps and knocks and, uh, scratches on the walls and then it started breaking things and then it attacked Katie?" "That was two nights ago." "Can you show them, honey?" ""murdered Chylde."" "Katie..." "Everything's gonna be fine." "I promise." "Why don't you guys take yourselves a little vacation, and, uh, we'll take care of it." "Thank you." "Uh, bacon burger turbo, large chilli-cheese fry, uh, and a health-quake salad shake?" "I know." "I know." "It's, uh it's not mine." "Oh, you shake it up, baby." "You know, poltergeist aside," "Donna looked pretty good, don't you think?" "Dude, don't tell me you've still got the hots for our babysitter." "What?" "No." "That's weird." "I'm just saying that she, you know, she..." "She's... she's doing good." "You know, with her husband, her kid." "This whole amityville thing being thrown at them, and they're hanging tough." "Yeah." "You ever think that you'd want something like that?" "Wife, rugrats, the whole nine" "No." "I mean, not really my thing anymore." "Yeah." "What do you got?" "Uh, well, that house of theirs," "It's old... really old." "Um, hundreds of years and I found a legend." "It's unconfirmed, but still..." "Saying?" "Supposedly, in the 1720s, house was owned by a guy named Isaiah Pickett." "Legend has it he hung a woman in his backyard for witchcraft... a woman named Maggie Briggs." "Okay, so an angry ghost witch?" "If it's true." "That still doesn't explain what "murdered Chylde" means." "No." "Or where the bitch is buried." "You know, I mean, it's a long way back, but I can see if I can find something in the town records." "It's worth a shot." "Gary!" "Curly fries are up!" "So, any luck?" "Bupkis." "Can't even find proof a woman named Maggie Briggs existed, much less where she was planted." "Alright." "Well, we've got a minute to breathe here so, let's pick it up first thing." "Yeah, you bet." "See you in a few." "Aah!" "What..." "Who..." "Yeah, this is Collins out on route 30." "I think we got him." "Mr. Frankel?" "Mr. Gary Frankel?" "Who?" "Your family's worried sick about you, son" "My... my family?" "My... brother called you?" "Come on." "Get in before you freeze solid." "Thanks, uh... but, uh, w-where are we?" "You're home, son." "N-no, officer, I-I'm not staying here." "Gary!" "Oh, my god!" "Gary!" "Oh, god!" "Gary!" "Oh, hey!" "Are you all right?" "Oh!" "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Uh... w-what's going on here" " What do you mean?" " Lady, who are you?" "Mr. Frankel:" "Young man, are you drunk?" "And who are you?" "Gary, are you drunk?" "Answer your father." "My father?" "Look, I..." "Who is that?" "!" "Who the hell is that?" "!" "He's out of his gourd." "Young man, I'm very surprised at you." "Yeah, tell me about it." "Oh, yeah." "Bring it!" "Holy crap." "Sam." "Where the hell you been, man?" "I've been trying to call you for hours." "I picked up some food." "Bacon burger turbo, large chilli-cheese fry, right?" "Sorry, man." "Really." "I-I just..." "I lost track of time." "I didn't mean to freak you out." "Thanks." "Don't know why it took you two hours, but thanks." "Oh, you're gonna want to eat that on the road." "Why?" "The maid came in, saw that, and now they're all kind of freaking out." "Why'd you let the maid in?" "It just happened." "Whatever." "I got to hit the head, and then we'll take off." "All right." "I-I'll be outside." "Hey." "You ready?" "Absolutely." "Hey, can I drive?" "Oh, this is so sweet!" "You want to get the lead out, Andretti?" "Come on." "Reverse." "Reverse!" "It's in reverse." "I am really, really sorry." "Shut up." "This is Dean's other, other cell, so you must know what to do." "Dean, I've called every phone we've got." "Where are you, man?" "So..." "This is gonna sound crazy... really crazy... but, um..." "I think I'm in the wrong body." "Could use a little help here." "I-I think I got asthma." "Call me back." "Lucky star motel." "Hello, uh, could you please connect me to room 102?" "102?" "Nah, man, those guys checked out middle of the night." "Wait... "guys"?" "Plural?" "Yeah... one leather jacket, one sasquatch." "they left." "Who are you?" "Smart kid." "Virgin." "Frustrated virgin." "Witchcraft, huh, Gary?" "You little satanic bastard." "Gary!" "Breakfast." "Leave me alone." "Gary!" "All right, I'm coming!" "So, Gary, I'd like to know what happened last night." "So would I. Believe me." "I mean, what happened with the plan, buddy?" "The plan?" "S.A.T.S, M.I.T..." "The plan." "You want to be an engineer, you need a full ride." "So, tell me, how does getting drunk fit with the plan?" "Right, yeah." "Listen, buddy, no offence, but at the moment," "I couldn't give a rat's ass about your plan." "Excuse me?" "Uh..." "Listen, h-have I seemed, uh, moody lately?" "Withdrawn?" "Wow." "Any... any occult fixations?" "What?" "Let me guess..." "I'm amazing at Latin." "You have an ear for languages." "Hmm." "Um, any of the neighborhood pets go missing recently?" "Are you smoking drugs?" "Leonard." "He is not smoking drugs." "Have any of you seen me w-w-with a book?" "It'd be big and old, uh, leather-bound, maybe some strange writing on it." "Or frankly, I'm probably hiding it." "Gary, no!" "W-what?" "You're allergic to wheat gluten." "Gluten." " You've seriously sprung a leak." " What?" "If mom and dad ever found that creepy old book of yours, you'd be grounded for a decade and you're bringing it up at breakfast?" "So there is a book." "Sydney, where do I keep it?" "So, uh, where we going, anyway?" "To work." "The case?" "Oh, right." "Yeah... the case." "Of course." "Where, uh, do you want to start?" "Well, since you couldn't find where Maggie Briggs was buried, now we have to do an all-day tombstone roll to see if we can dig her up." "Wait." "M-Maggie Briggs?" "You mean, like..." "like, the witch Maggie Briggs?" "Yeah, Sherlock." "Yeah, she's in the basement." "Come again?" "W-what basement?" "Isaiah Pickett's house." "Okay, there's this legend that he hung her, but he didn't." "The real truth is... is that she was carrying his illegitimate child, and he killed her and then buried her in the basement." "Her "murdered Chylde."" "That would explain the scratches." "How do you know all this?" "Oh, I've done all kinds of research on it." "I mean, you know..." "Last night." "Yeah." "Nice work..." "I guess." "Aw, man, turn it up!" "Seriously?" "Hell yeah!" "#you can come back, baby# #rock 'n' roll never forgets# #ooooh, the band's still playin' it loud and lean# #listen to the guitar player makin' it scream#" "#all you got to do is just make that scene#" "Dean!" "Someone has stolen my body!" "The guy right next to you is not me!" "Check your friggin' voice mail." "Damn it." "Gary?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm Gary." "Uh..." "Gary is okay." "So we're referring to ourselves in the third person now?" "We heard about last night." "What happened?" "Got drunk." "No big thing." "Look, uh, what's my locker number?" "What?" "Are you..." "are you still drunk?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I see, like three of you right now." "Um, so... so, what's my locker number?" "Oh, no, Gary." "This is a very, very bad book." "Boo-yah!" "Master chief is in the house, bizatches!" "Are you all right?" "Yeah." "Fine." "Well, I'll be damned." "Willow Moss." "Yeah, right." "It's, uh, supposed to grow over witches' graves, right?" "Yeah." "Hey, man, I'm really sorry about this." "Sorry about what?" "Sam?" "!" "You okay?" "Let's get the hell out of here!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "We still got to burn the body, you idiot." "Come on." "Dude... that was sweet!" "Hey, Gary, wait up!" "Where are you going?" "I got something to do." "You're skipping class?" "You?" "I'm just..." "Not feeling like myself, okay?" "Well, whatever it is, we can talk it out, bro." "Come with us." "I don't have time." "I got to go." "I'm sorry." "Hey!" "Trevor!" "Well, what else was I supposed to do?" " Here you go, guys." " Do me a favor, sweetheart." "Would you bring me a cheeseburger with extra bacon?" "and fry an egg on top of it, would you?" "Absolutely." "Ooh, that... that sounds good." "Ditto." "Be right back with your order." "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Sam?" "W-what do you mean" "Bacon cheeseburgers now?" "I don't know." "I eat them, don't I?" "Anyways, we are celebrating." "Yeah, I guess." "Another one bites the dust." "Nice work today." "You too." "I had a, uh, really awesome day, man." "Seriously." "Whoo!" "Sweet." "A really awesome day?" "Yeah." "Why not?" "It was a random, d-list ghost hunt." "That's... that's awesome to you?" "I can't be in a good mood?" "Yeah, I guess." "It's..." "No, actually." "It's not really your style, Sam." "Well, then, it's a new me." "I mean, come on." "Why shouldn't I be happy?" "I've got a gun, I'm getting drunk, and I look like this." "I don't know." "You ever feel like your whole future is being decided for you?" "Uh, yeah, Sam, I feel like that a lot." "No matter how much you fight it, you can't stop the plan." "The stupid, stupid plan." "So, I don't know." "I guess it's, uh, it's just nice to do a little ass-kicking for a change, that's all." "Uh, you know what?" "I..." "I'm drunk." "Sorry." "Just... just forget it." "No, no." "It's all right." "It's, uh..." "I'll drink to that." "Wow, you know, is it just me, or are we actually drinking together?" "We don't do it that often, huh?" "Yeah, you could say that." "Well, we should." "You're a good guy, Dean." "Man, you are drunk." "Here we go." "Mmm!" "Thank you." "Enjoy." "No, but I mean it." "You really are a good guy." "Mmm!" "The bread alone!" "Mmm!" "Love that jacket on you, by the way." "Thanks" "Actually..." "The whole outfit is new." "We're gonna do it!" "Hey!" "What the hell's going on?" "!" "You can scream all you want." "No one can hear you, my parents are out of town!" "Gary." "T. What up?" "Where are you?" "Uh, I can't really tell you right now," "But, man, you wouldn't believe it." "Well..." "Well, where's Dean?" "Uh, the Cloverleaf on route 6." "Why?" "You mean you haven't killed him yet?" "What?" "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "W-what do you mean?" "Kill Dean?" "I'm... building up to it." "Look, Gary, we got problems here." "For one..." "I'm looking at your body right now... with this other dude in it." "What?" "Yeah, he's been in your house he's hanging out with your parents." "Okay, just... calm down." "Whatever he says, no one's gonna believe him, right?" "I mean, w-we're still good." "Would you just hurry up and kill the son of a bitch already, would you?" "Don't rush me." "I'll do it." "Yeah, you better." "Uh..." "Got to go." "Oh, man." "I am in way over my head." "I don't think he's gonna do it." "Just relax." "This is Gary we're talking about." "What the hell's going on here?" "How do you know who Dean is?" "Everybody knows Dean." "He's "hell's most wanted."" "Oh, no." "No." "Have you idiots been talking to demons?" "Oh, right." "We're the idiots." "You're just kids." "You have no idea what you're messing with." "Well, we know that there's a price on Dean's head, and we're the ones that are gonna collect." "What's that supposed to mean?" "About a month ago, we were down here..." "Nora." "What?" "We're not allowed to talk about him?" "We were down here, goofing around with that book." "Um, I wouldn't exactly call praying to our dark overlord" ""goofing around."" "Don't be a loser, Trev." "Yeah, Trev." "Anyway, all of a sudden, the lights flickered and Gary went into this weird trance." "He closed his eyes, picked up a pencil, and drew this." "And you know what's really weird?" "Gary can't draw." "He said he heard a voice in his head, the demons were putting out a bounty on this guy." "A bounty?" "Yeah, to, like, every witch or Satanist across the whole country." "But Gary..." "Gary's the one who spotted you." "And the "freaky Friday" crap?" "another spell from the book." "Gary's idea... go in trojan horse-style." "He's really smart." "That is, if he has the beanbags to go through with it." "Listen to me." "You are making a terrible mistake." "We're talking about a demon deal..." "Killing somebody." "This isn't a game." "You're crossing a line you won't come back from." "Believe me." "What?" "Nothing." "I-I..." "Nora, don't tell me you're actually listening to this jerk." "I don't know." "M-maybe." "I-I mean, what if he has a point?" "I don't believe this, first Gary, now you." "I can't..." "You know what?" "Fine." "You want something done right..." "What, you're gonna..." "You're gonna go kill Dean yourself, tough guy?" "Don't have to." "I can do this." "N-no." "Y-you can't be serious." "I'm calling up one of these bad boys, turning these punks over, and getting paid." "Dollar, dollar bills, y'all!" "I-I really don't think that that's a good idea." "It's not." "It's a very, very bad idea." "No one asked you." "You're not Sam." "Who the hell are you?" "Ow!" "Don't do this." "I'm begging you." "Trevor, I think he's right." "Hey, you want to get into Vassar, don't you?" "Please!" "Stop!" "Attrahendum eos..." "You're gonna get us all killed!" "...Ad ligandum eos pariter" "Eos coram me!" "Maybe I said it wrong." "Nora?" "No!" "No, no!" "Don't touch her!" "Nora, you okay?" "Oh, yeah" "I'm peachy." "So, what'd you call me here for, Skippy?" "Unless..." "It's dinnertime?" "What?" "I-I... n-no." "Uh, we have Dean Winchester." "You do?" "Where?" "Trevor, keep your mouth shut." "The Cloverleaf Motel over on route 6." "Sam?" "Is that you in there?" "Well, aren't you just 98 pounds of nothing." "The kid is a moron." "He doesn't have any idea where Dean is." "So, if Sam's in this body," "Who's in Sam's?" "A dangerous warlock." "Named Gary." "You mean to tell me you've got Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester's meat suit?" "An empty vessel just waiting to be filled." "And you're handing them both over to me?" "Uh, y-yeah." "I guess." "Well..." "I got to hand it to you." "I'm impressed." "Thanks." "Um..." "So, if you don't mind my asking... there's a reward?" "Sure." "My..." "Undying gratitude" "What, are you serious?" "Be quiet, you idiot!" "Consider yourself lucky, kid." "Uh, w-wait a minute!" "We worked our asses off here, and, uh, I want my reward!" "Please." "Okay." "I'm sorry." "You're right." "What can I get you?" "Well, h-how about a million bucks?" "Oh, for god's sake, Trevor, just shut up and run!" "A million doesn't buy you much these days." "Why not make it 10?" "Okay, $10 mill." "And I want..." "I want Mindy Schwartz to fall in love with me." "Love..." "Money, sticking to the basics." "I can respect that." "But here's my counter." "Yep." "Tastes like moron." "You have 38 messages." "This is gonna sound crazy..." "Really crazy... but, um, I think I'm in the wrong body." "Dean, the guy right next to you is not me!" "Dean, check your friggin' voice mail." "Damn it." "All right, pal either you start talking or I start water-boarding." "Oh, my god." "Please, don't hurt me." "Please!" "I'm sorry!" "I'm so, so sorry!" "Okay." "Hey, pull it together, champ." "I don't want to die." "I don't want to die." "Where's Sam?" "In my... my friend's basement." "His parents are out of town." "Parents?" "How old are you?" "I'm 17." "17?" "Nora" "Not at the moment." "Whoo!" "Damn it!" "Boy, you earned your dessert tonight, kiddo." "Tell me... what is it you want?" "Anything." "Anything?" "Lay it on me." "I want to be a witch for real." "And really powerful." "Mm." "Good choice." "I get it." "No daddy, no M.I.T." "No plan." "You get to be big and strong, and no one can tell you what to do anymore." "There's just one small formality first, you got to meet the boss." "The boss?" "You know... your satanic majesty, or whatever the kids are calling it these days." "The devil?" "Mm-hmm." "Uh..." "No." "O-okay." "Um..." "It's okay." "I..." "Don't really want to bother him." "Oh, but he's gonna want to meet you." "Relax." "It'll be easy, he's just gonna ask you one little question, and all you got to do is, say "yes."" "And then... you get your reward." "Exorcizamus te, omnimundus." "What was that?" "Uh, n-nothing." "Were you trying to exorcise me?" "!" "You little piece of crap?" "!" "spiritus, omnis satanica potestas." "Omnis incursio infernalis adversii." "Omnis congregatio." "Et secta diabolica." "Ergo, draco maledicte." "Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire." "Te rogamus." "Adiós, bitch!" "Uh, it's "audi nos."" "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Animae domum redeant." "Fas atque nefas instauretur." "Potestate et auctoritate, sic fiat." "So, we good?" "Yeah." "We're good." "Oh, man, it's nice to be back." "Yeah." "Awesome." "So..." "Gary..." "Yeah." "I know... my bad." ""My bad"?" "Kid, "my bad" ain't gonna cut it." "See, if you were of voting age..." "You'd be dead, because we would kill you." "So either you straighten up and fly right or we will kill you." "Are we clear?" "Crystal." "Good." "Crap." "Gary, look." "Take it from someone who knows..." "Chin up, man." "Your life ain't that bad." "Uh, you met my parents." "Yeah." "So what?" "It's your life." "You don't like their plan for you, tell them to cram it." "Rebel a little bit." "In a healthy, non-satanic way, of course." "By the way, you know why Nora's into witchcraft?" "What do you mean?" "She doesn't like Satan, you moron." "She likes you." "Really?" "You... you think?" "Yeah." "I know." "I'm telling you, kid..." "I wish I had your life." "You do?" "Thanks." "Get out of here." "That was a nice thing to say." "I totally lied." "Kid's life sucked ass." "All that apple-pie, family crap?" "It's stressful." "Trust me... we didn't miss a damn thing." "Or we don't know what we're missing." "Hey, come on, man." "Turn it down." "Welcome back, kotter." "#come back, baby# #rock 'n' roll never forgets# #said you can come back, baby# #rock 'n' roll never forgets# #oh, come back, baby#" "Edited by Scooby"