"THE WIZARD OF FREDERIKSBERG" "They've printed my column." "Look." ""Are We Still Hobbits? "" ""Anders Fogh is Frodo Baggins." "Samwise Gamgee is Bendt Bendtsen."" "How about some tapas?" " Didn't you read it?" " No." " You should read it." " I will." "Hello, Susan." "Didn't you bring Carøe along?" "No, he went to Sweden." "He had some business there." "Did he?" "Then I'm bloody wasting my time here." " Why?" " I was hoping to meet Carøe." " Will you tend the shop tomorrow?" " Where are you going?" " I having a mammogram." " You mean a..." " Do you remember Heidi..." " Sorry, my column is in the paper." "An analogy of different MPs being Lord of the Rings characters." " Lille Heidi..." " Gollum is Henrik Qvortrup." " The one with the huge..?" " Yes." "She had her breast removed." " She has an prosthesis." " But still..." " May we order?" " Of course." "What would you like?" " The tapas plate." " The Lunch Tapas." " Ghita." "What a nice name." " Thank you." "I had a teacher named Ghita." "A very dear lady." "She always beamed when she entered the classroom." " What would you two like?" " Just the tapas plates." " And if you could hurry a little." " I shall do my best." "When we have conversed, all brethren of the lodge meet here." "And then we eat." "Here the tone is more casual." " Very fashionable." " This brother is laying the tables." "He arrives two hours early." "He's at the bottom of the hierarchy." "I'm mason of the fourth degree." "I don't have be here two hours early." " That's posh." " I have been here for four years." " Four years?" " We masons keep a low profile." "Will you be drinking of the Holy Grail afterwards?" "We don't joke about it, Frank." "Careful." "Take it easy." " Frank, please wait here..." " Are there more rooms?" " Peter..." " Casper, good thing you're early." "I've just shown my friend the dining room." " May I show him this room?" " Of course." "Was I approved?" "Hello, Peter." " These are our premises." " Impressive." " Will Carøe be here today?" " No, he's in Stockholm." " Is Carøe also a mason?" " Yes." " Maybe I should join, too?" " Yes..." "Casper, would you straighten the curtains down there." "Good-bye." "Have you heard about Carøe?" "It's super hush-hush." "He found another girlfriend." "That's why he's in Stockholm." " Susan doesn't know." " No, but he's going to leave her." "Peter just got him a super cool penthouse downtown." "He's moving." "Let me show you this." "Then I won't bother assemble that IKEA-wardrobe, Susan talked about." "No, don't waste your energy on that." "You can help him move instead." "I'm getting nervous." " I am." " Don't be." "You're just part of an experiment." "You're perfectly healthy." "I'll be performing the mammography." "I shall need four photos." "Two of each breast." " I'm a little nervous." " Most people are." "Here you can take off your blouse." "Necklaces you may keep on." "But please take off your blouse." "Now, come here." "We'll start with your right breast." "My hands are cold, I'm afraid." "Now I lower the plate." "Try to relax your shoulders." " Ouch!" " Just a little bit more." "Please to try be a bit more sympathetic." "It was funny." "It looked so thin and long." "The woman's identity is in her breasts." " What if it had been my testicles?" " I would not have laughed." " It is a serious matter." " Well, luckily you are well." "Sometimes you are rather insensitive to other peoples' feelings." " You can be insensitive, too." " Can I?" "Yes, if it's about golf and fishing line at 700 kroner." " That's not quite the same." " I'm talking about the column." " You have not read it." " That's different, Frank." "Besides, I think it's crazy, this Lord of the Rings magic stuff." " That's what I think." " Good night." "Good night, Frank." " Well, somebody read my column." " Who?" "The Danish division of the Lord of the Rings Society." ""You are cordially invited to the annual Lord of the Rings Rally."" "Will you be running around with swords like Harry Potter?" " No, this not Harry Potter." " Same difference." "I will be presented with an award, a Ring of Honour." "How nice that someone read my column and liked it." "Frank..." "Hello, Susan." "Today?" "No, I'm sorry." "I'm in Jutland." "I'm in a hotel." "I doing a stand-up job." "Yes, some other time." "Bye-bye." " Who was it?" " It was Susan about the wardrobe." "You said you were in Jutland." " You promised her." " It's a waste of time." " Why is it a waste of time?" " Well, Susan and Carøe, you know." " What?" " Never mind." "Well, I'd better find the toolbox and get over here." "It looks like we've come to the right part of the woods." " Can I fit in there?" " Sure, there is plenty of room." "Where did he come from?" "What an ego!" "You can say again." " Excuse me, you took our space." " I didn't notice." " My wife indicated to turn." " I couldn't see that from there." " Are you coming?" " You had better join them." "Hello and welcome." "It was I who wrote the letter and invited you." "Come meet our dungeon master and story teller." " Frank." " Smashing you could join us." "Éanor, do you have the Gandalf costume?" "We have assigned you the part as honorary Gandalf." "Here's a costume and all." " Will I be wearing a costume?" " Yes, we all are." "Wig, beard, and Gandalf's hat." "And there's your staff." "Will there be an award ceremony as well as a role-play?" "I will shortly announce what's going to happen today." "Please put on your costume and blend in with the crowd." "And here's a pouch with Balrog spheres." " Excuse me." " The Balrog spheres." "They hold a very powerful magic from the First Age." "They were left behind by the Elves   but have survived the Second Age through to the Third Age." "They are entrusted to you." "As you can see, Balrog spheres are no joking matter." "I can see that." "Welcome to you all." "Nice to see you once again." "We pick up where we left off." "The Orcs must not reach Gondor." "Some of you may have read the papers this week." "There has been some publicity about the Lord of the Rings." "Please meet the commoner Frank Hvam." "But here in Middle-earth, Gandalf." "Greetings, friends of Middle-earth." "Tomorrow, Gandalf will marry Éowyn." "You will lie by her side   until tomorrow morning when the wedding will take place." "I can't spend the night here." "I haven't planned for that." " I didn't bring a sleeping bag." " Not everyone sleeps." "I thought there would be just a short award ceremony." "We always play all weekend." "Éowyn has been looking forward to this." "We had hoped that Gandalf would be the lucky one." "We count on you." "It's an honourable duty." "And we have been looking forward to getting a real Gandalf." "Let's, according to practice, ask Legolas   to play a little tune to put us in the right mood." "Enjoy yourselves." "See you later." "Kill them!" " Hello." " Frank?" " What are you doing?" " I have become honorary Gandalf." " And you?" " I have become honorary mason." "I must get back." "Congratulations." "See you, Peter." "Please queue up for some food." "I'm just going to talk to Denethor." " Hello, Ghita." " Hello, Gandalf." "I am an honorary Gandalf." "You are into role-playing?" " I didn't know." " Many people don't expect that." "I have always thought of you as being in the service business." " I am a woman of many talents." " I'm sure." " Will you be joining me tonight?" " I didn't bring a sleeping bag." "We'll find a solution." "We can always stay awake." " What do people do at night?" " We use our imagination." "Oh, what was that?" "He jumped the queue." "Legolas..." "The queue begins down there." "Legolas, use your Elvish ears." "The queue starts there." " Someone gave me a back pocket." " Fine, that's not fair." "I'll give you a front pocket later." "Are powers suspended during break?" "He's taking advantage of it." "Let's start playing again." "I hope you have been invigorated." "See you in the woods." "Hello, sweetie." "Listen..." "I have decided to spend the night here." "The problem is I don't have a sleeping bag." "Would you?" "You're a darling." "Talk to you later." " Hello, Legolas." " Hi, Gandalf." "Well, the break is over." "Hard luck on you." "Oops, a Balrog sphere." "That's not funny." " What the hell are you doing?" " Jumping the queue has implications." "This has implications, too." "You are spoiling everything for us." "Maybe this will teach you not to jump the queue." "That's a lethal dose." "Stop!" "Who do you think you are?" "What's that?" "Legolas have been hit by Balrog spheres." " Well, it came to blows." " You are on the same team." " Still, we had a falling out." " How inappropriate." "Time to throw the dice." "If you throw six, you are only fatally wounded." "But herbs may heal you." "Please throw." "Too bad." " You killed him." " Is he a bad looser?" "He's dead." " He can play again next weekend." " No, he's dead now." "He's out of the game." "Forever." " We have to change that." " No, we are playing for real." "Some other things are not real." "Folding chairs and disposable plates." "We play for real, and you just bring a mean mood to the game." " Why don't you just pack up and go?" " You can't be serious." "Get lost." "I've had enough of your shit." "I had no idea the spheres were that magical." "No one told me." " I'm sorry, Éonor." " Éowyn." " Anyway, I will lie beside you." " I don't want you to." "I think you should go home." " Do you want to come?" " No, I don't." " Go." "Get out." " Did he hit you with his staff?" "Thank you." "Hello." "Here's your sleeping bag." " You look terrible." " I want to go home." " Why?" " I had a falling out with someone." " With whom?" " A fellow named Legolas." "And Denethor..." "Honey, are you okay?" "Oh no, you have been hit." "Help!" "Help!" " I will get an ugly scar." " It will be the size of a pinhead." " You don't know." " Everything will be all right." " Hello, Claus Madsen, CID." " Hello." "I just have a couple of questions." "I was at a role-play in the woods and started bickering with a fellow   who shot an arrow at me." "Thank God I manage to dodge it." "And it hits Mia." " Who shot the arrow?" " Legolas." " And his surname?" " I only know his role-play name." " Do you know any other names?" " Denethor, the Rohan rider Éanor..." " Don't you know any real names?" " No." " No one revealed their real name?" " Oh yes." "A girl named Ghita." "And that's her real name." " Do know her surname?" " No, but she waits at "Lille Prins"." " And what role does she play?" " She was an elf." " We were supposed to share a tent." " I'll have a chat with Ghita." "Get well soon." " That's why you wanted to stay." " No." " Did they find the archer?" " Yes, his plates said "Legolas"." "Frank..." " This is somehow your work." " It was assembled by the girls." "Yes, because you didn't want to help when Susan asked for your help." " What do you have to say?" " Blimy." "Why didn't you want to help?" "Because you're getting a divorce." "The lady you were with in Sweden..." "I'm not seeing any girl in Sweden." "It's over, completely." " Susan and I are together." " And the penthouse?" " Who told you that?" " Casper said Peter helped you." " The Lodge." " Just Casper, or Peter as well?" " Casper told me about the woman." " Shit." "It's looking good, Casper." "Move the glasses together a little." " Splendid." " Thank you." " Peter..." " Michael, do you have a moment?" "It's the curtain."