"Hey, my name is Daisy." "And I want to be a star." "You think Daisy's been took?" "You're gonna need help, hoss." "He's got it." "Y'all better not go to the refrigerator now." "If that had been a wild boar, you would have missed." "If that had been a wild boar, he wouldn't be in our back yard." "That ain't necessarily so." "This is Bo and Luke Duke." "They're cousins." "They fight the system." "Any system." "This is Hazzard County... where you never know what's gonna happen next." "Hey, everybody, listen!" "It's my song!" "Jessi CoIter is singing my song!" "Come on." "What are you talking about?" "I wrote this song." "I wrote it!" "That's Cousin Daisy." "She works as a waitress, but aspires to better things." "Daisy can cause more trouble than a brand-new baby." "Uncle Jesse is the Duke patriarch." "His word is law... usually obeyed out of love, but always obeyed." "Who did you say that was singing?" "It's Jessi CoIter." "And for all you folks ignorant of good music..." "Jessi Colter is one of the world's best singers." "Well, I'm partial to June Carter, myself." "And that was Jessi Colter's latest on the Big 40 Country Hits album." "I just can't believe it." "That sounded real good, Daisy." "It took me forever to write the notes down." "And after all these years of writing songs..." "I sent it to this music publisher, and now Jessi CoIter is singing it!" "That's great." "How much did they pay you?" "The pay?" "well, they did pay you." "No, I paid them." "That's the sort of business we ought to have." "There was a magazine ad where you pay $50, and they publish your song." "So I saved up all my tip money till I had enough... and I sent my song in, and I got this letter back saying it was published." "Now, Daisy, some of those ads are for phony operations." "You think Daisy's been took?" "They got Daisy's song." "Jessi CoIter got a recording." "And Daisy's got $50 less than she had before." "That's took." "And $50 in nickel tips ain't easy to come by." "When you record a song, you're supposed to get royalties." "Where is this publishing company, anyway?" "It's Lester Starr Music publishing in atlanta." "That place ain't been right since Sherman burned it." "Come on, I'II bet this Mr. Starr just made an oversight." "Think we ought to go in to atlanta and check it out?" "Maybe you ought to." "But you gotta remember, boys... you gotta give them city people the benefit of the doubt." "It ain't right to take advantage of them just because they don't know no better." "So just keep it simple." "General Lee was their racing car." "They built him from the wheels up." "Although they had another car... when the boys expected trouble, they drove the General." "Which meant they drove him a lot." "Now, why can't I go with you?" "It's my song." "Because Jesse told us to handle it." "Okay." "But y'aII be careful now." "Smell like the law, don't it?" "Jojo, that stuff ready for the pressing plant yet?" "Is that stuff ready for the pressing plant yet?" "nearly done." "I'm expecting some hot tracks, ripped off in nashville." "They're coming in today, and I want them on this run." "Mr." "Starr." "Yeah, what is it?" "There are two boys here to see you." "Send them in." "Hi, guys." "Dodie." "Come on in, fellas." "Come in." "Good to see you." "I guess you want me to hear your song, right?" "Wrong." "Sheet music?" "You write your own music?" "Heavy!" "Our Cousin Daisy wrote it." "This has my company's name on it." "That's what we came to talk to you about." "We heard Jessi CoIter singing it on the radio." "No kidding?" "How about that?" "We was just wondering about the royalties." "royalties?" "Funny." "It was recorded." "Wasn't there a contract?" "Look, guys, I don't know anything about that." "Your cousin sent us $50 to publish her song." "We did it." "End of transaction." "Now get out of here." "I'm very busy." "Look, mister, if you're not gonna be fair about this... then we want Daisy's $50 back." "Jojo, did you hear that?" "This guy just threatened me." "You guys get out of here before Jojo mails you back to tobacco road." "You're gonna need help, hoss." "He's got it." "Yeah." "And you best be going." "Go on, get out of here." "I don't want to see your faces around here again." "Gee, I knew it was tough to get into show business." "But I never heard of them using guns to keep you out." "Those .44" "Magnums convinced me." "Why would a music publisher need a bodyguard?" "I don't know." "I just don't like being sent home with my tail tucked." "We can't go home." "Tucked or otherwise." "Now, Jesse said either get the royalties or Daisy's $50 back." "We ain't got either." "Maybe we could reason with Starr, if his trained ape wasn't around." "How do you plan to do that?" "What's the Iast thing he expects right now?" "A fat man in a red suit, driving reindeer." "No, us." "We'II use StonewaII Jackson's old tactic:" "When they think you're running away, you attack." "StonewaII Jackson had the Confederate Army." "I've got you." "And general Lee." "I'm going to be in back with the motor running, in case this doesn't work out." "And it won't." "Luke, if you don't believe in this, how come you're doing it?" "Because facing a gorilla with two guns is easier than facing Jesse." "Let's go." "Now, Daisy, you pay close attention, all right?" "See?" "I told you it was the law." "Ever notice how country boys stick out... when they're trying to sneak around in town?" "Ain't they smooth?" "You ought to see them at a shindig." "He's slick on the dance floor, too." "Sorry, Boss." "And who should be the boss, but old Boss Hogg himself." "The Duke family's old enemy." "Hey, what are you guys...." "Where's Jojo?" "Now look, Mr. Starr, all we want is Daisy's royalty money." "Or her $50 back." "Now, is that too much to ask for?" "You guys are nuts!" "Mr." "Starr" "Jojo, are you all right?" "Cops." "Cops?" "Outside." "It's a raid." "A raid?" "What are we going to do?" "Come on, mister." "Jojo." "God, and us on probation." "What are we gonna do?" "Run." "hold them, Jojo!" "Boss, it's a raid!" "This is great!" "My keys!" "I forgot my keys." "Wake up, it's a raid!" "Now don't you worry about old Boss, because he is a survivor." "While all hell was busting loose behind, Miss Daisy was writing another hit." "Those dummies are still carrying the evidence." "That's our boys." "Boss Jefferson Davis Hogg was born on the dirt floor of a sharecropper's shack." "From there, things went downhill." "But everybody has a talent." "And Boss has a gift of graft." "In a dazzling career in Hazzard County... ranging from moonshine to political corruption..." "Boss has been chased by everything, from revenuers to bloodhounds... to irate husbands." "Even if the city cops do spot his license number, it don't matter none." "'Cause Boss changes license plates like he does his underwear." "Which is every time he goes to town." "When it comes to basic cunning... old Boss was plumb eat up with it." "Come on, it's left!" "I think you did well and lost them." "Old Boss Hogg was fit to be tied... about nearly getting caught in a police raid." "Of course that can never happen in Hazzard... since he runs the county, controls the graft, and owns the sheriff." "Me!" "Caught like poor trash in a police raid!" "Boss, I think the reason that was... was because they didn't recognize who you are." "You know...." "That was some close call in atlanta." "I sure don't want nothing like that happening... to my record-pressing plant here in Hazzard County." "What could happen?" "What could happen?" "One of your dumb deputies could go blundering into my plant, that's what." "With my luck, it wouId turn out to be somebody honest." "There's nobody in my department honest." "Except Enos." "And I'II make sure I keep him somewhere else." "I got a tin ear for music." "The only reason I got into this was to get me a big syndicate tie-in." "After all, if a man don't grow, he dies." "That's what you got in the raid?" "I've heard all of waylon Jennings' songs." "I mean I've got them." "I've never heard any of those." "Maybe they're not released yet." "Then how did Starr get them?" "And why did he get rid of it when the police showed up?" "You know, if that there was corn whisky instead of a silly tape..." "I'd say it was hot." "Wait a minute." "If that's a hot tape of an unreleased record... this could be a piracy operation." "Gotta be." "What's that?" "Music pirates make a fortune stealing tapes and making illegal recordings." "You read about it all the time." "That's all well and good, but this isn't helping Daisy with her situation." "If Starr won't help, why don't we go right to the top?" "Can't do that." "The preacher's out of town." "No." "Look, Jessi CoIter recorded Daisy's song, right?" "Why don't we go right to her?" "She's gonna be in atlanta this whole week." "That's a good idea." "And this time, boys, get it right." "So, faster than you could skin a rabbit... they found themselves face to face with Jessi Colter's manager." "True Blue Hearts?" "I'm sorry, honey, but Jessi's never recorded that." "But Lester Starr said that she" "Lester Starr finds ambitious singers who can imitate a name artist... then fakes a record on them." "Piracy costs the music business millions." "Boy, it must!" "I just started, and it's just cost me $50." "If everybody knows about this guy, Starr, why hasn't anyone done anything?" "You gotta catch him in the act." "I hear they just about nailed him in a raid yesterday, but somebody blew it." "Maybe you folks could help." "If those cops blew that raid yesterday, maybe we can find another way." "Something that would nail him right to the wall, for everybody." "Sounds great." "But what?" "Starr makes phony tapes, right?" "What if we con him into making another one of Jessi?" "Yeah, that'd blow his operation sky high." "But he already knows what we look like." "What if we send in Daisy as a Jessi CoIter sound-aIike?" "Luke, I sound more like WayIon Jennings than I do Jessi CoIter." "But you'd sound a Iot like Jessi if you played him a Jessi CoIter tape." "That's terrific." "I'II get on the phone with Loretta Lynn and Donna Fargo." "They've been stung by pirates." "I'II put together a rehearsal tape on both of them." "Where can we find this guy, Starr?" "River Pines." "A Iot of musicians live there." "Bands, groupies, whatever." "A sort of disneyland for the weird." "We ought to fit right in." "I'II get that tape for you." "Looks like you're gonna be a star, after all." "Poor little old Daisy, she's really got the bug, ain't she?" "Starr's in the apartment upstairs." "We'II be watching the door." "Be sure to holler if you need help." "Boss, believe me... they got nothing on us." "Nothing." "hold on." "Hey, my name is Daisy." "And I want to be a star." "Come in." "Okay." "I know millions of girls are always dropping in here... with cheap tricks to help you get their careers started." "well, I decided to do the same thing." "I think you made the right move." "I swear, I'II do anything to get you to listen to my tape." "Anything?" "About." "Now, look, if you're gonna seduce me or something... shouIdn't you be offering me a drink?" "Of course I really don't know, you see, I'm so country." "really?" "Baby, I'II make you a singing star without even hearing you." "I'm gonna put on my tape, and you can listen." "My act is very unique." "You see, I've got this freak voice." "So I do sound-aIikes." "And with all these singers getting rich, imitating people who are dead..." "I decided to pull a switch and sound like people who are alive." "Think it'II catch on?" "Sure." "Now, this is only a rehearsal tape." "Just rhythm behind me." "It's my Jessi CoIter." "Is that you?" "You do sound a little like her." "This is my Loretta Lynn." "And this is my Donna Fargo." "We're gonna make a fortune." "Yeah, I thought we might." "When can we start?" "Tomorrow." "Today." "Right now!" "Then it's a deal?" "It's a deal." "I'II set up a test session about day after tomorrow." "We'II use stolen music tracks behind you." "Baby, this is gonna be...." "Where are you going?" "You just set up that recording session, and I'II call you." "millions." "We'II make millions." "It's the least I can do for a man who didn't try to take advantage of me." "I don't know about you, but she'd have done had my boots and guitar." "You know what?" "Y'aII are about as handy as a Ieft-handed anvil." "while I'm getting attacked by this lecherous midget... you two are orgying all over that pool." "Did he go for it?" "Did he take the bait?" "He's gonna make me queen of the pirates." "Fantastic." "And thanks for asking about my virtue... which you didn't, being intact, which it is." "Do you understand that?" "No." "If you're wondering why they climb in and out of their car windows... the doors of a racing car are welded shut." "Ain't that slick?" "I tell you, Boss, we're gonna make millions." "This freaky chick can sound like anybody." "No, Boss, she doesn't do Kate Smith." "If you wanna make it big in piracy, listen to the radio more." "well, look here, I've been waiting for something like this... to make that syndicate sit up and take notice." "I sure hope it works." "See, I better hear her sing for myself." "Okay." "I tell you what, I'II bring her to the plant." "And you can have those biggies down there, too." "But remember, these dudes are very nervous about the Iaw." "Set it up." "They're protected." "I own this county!" "Right." "Kind of stick out, don't they?" "Anybody that dumb has got to work for Starr." "Yep." "That must be the bodyguard." "You gonna follow them in a junkyard?" "We'II blow the surveillance." "You want to file a report saying we lost them?" "You know, there's a distinct advantage in never growing up." "Since Bo and Luke ain't about to, sometimes it gives them the edge... in playing games." "Since Bo and Luke were always messing with cars... they knew every junkyard like a lover's face." "And following them into one was like chasing a boar into the bushes." "Didn't Starr hire himself some rookie hoods?" "That's right." "Nice driving, brother." "This is Unit One." "I think we've lost them." "I sure wish there was some other way." "Starr's been stealing money hand over fist from nice people like Jessi CoIter." "And lots of other people like you... who can't afford to be cheated out of $50." "They can't stop him." "Besides, we asked him nice." "I know that." "It's just that tomorrow, when I go into that studio..." "I'm gonna be treated like somebody." "For one day, I'II be a star." "It sure is gonna put a damper on it when y'aII blow the place apart." "Was everything all right when you called Starr up?" "He was panting so hard my ear got wet." "I'm meeting him tomorrow at his place, and from there we go to the hidden studio." "We'II be right behind you, all the way." "Won't he spot you driving general Lee?" "We'II be in this car, if I can ever get her tuned up." "Did Starr say anything about where the studio is?" "No." "Somewhere in the boonies." "The studio and the pressing plant are together." "There's gonna be a crowd." "Starr said something about syndicate men." "Syndicate men?" "Now, Rosco, I want you to listen good." "These are the syndicate boys I've been trying to hook up with." "Yeah, Boss." "Now, I understand." "These boys get nervous when the Iaw is around." "So I want you and your deputies to lay low." "I don't care if Bonnie and Clyde ride through with the Dalton gang... and the bank turns up missing." "Tomorrow, the Iaw is out to lunch." "Lunch." "Right." "I'II take care of it, Boss." "So you FBI gentlemen... actually think there's a music conspiracy ring right here in Hazzard?" "That's right, Sheriff." "Yeah, this is one of the top pirates." "I don't know him." "Lester Starr." "We've had him under surveillance for months." "We almost had him with the goods in a recent raid." "But he dumped some evidence on these two confederates... who got away." "We think they may live around here somewhere." "I'II tell you something, if I spot them, I'II just" "Just maintain surveillance and notify us." "We'II take it from there." "Right." "I'II just let you guys...." "Now, if you remember, Sheriff Rosco and Boss... are thick as thieves." "'Cause they are thieves." "I tell you, the FBI had pictures of the guys they were after." "It was Bo and Luke Duke." "It seems they're tied in... with some big organization just like yours." "Just like mine?" "No way." "Maybe you've gone senile and hired them by accident." "Rosco, this ain't no two-bit operation." "I'm working with pros!" "I don't know what amateurs like Bo and Luke Duke are doing." "The FBI told me if I was to spot them, I'm supposed to call them." "If you spot them, you nail them, pea brain!" "Ain't we been trying to get them on something?" "Bo, Luke, Daisy." "well, they're doing something wrong, or the FBI wouldn't be after them." "That's all we need to revoke their probation... and send them back to prison." "But the FBI" "Don't run this county!" "You do." "I do." "Early next morning, everybody was ready for a big day." "Of course, Jesse had a few words of instructions." "He always does." "Are you two sure you got everything straight?" "Got it." "I want you...." "Not bad." "Looking good." "Nice, Daisy." "I was just telling the boys you've got to make sure... that everybody is out of that pressing plant before they blow it up." "Because the Dukes revenge on property, not people." "I will." "Remember, when you're with Starr, don't look for us." "We'II be behind you." "Sing pretty." "You all right?" "It's just that I was so excited when I thought... something had finally happened with one of my songs." "I know that them songs has been a Iong-time dream of yours." "That's why we got to stop this Starr fella." "Any man ornery enough to steal another person's dreams... deserves everything he gets." "well, at Ieast for one day, I'm going to be a star." "Even if it isn't for real." "Most people never get that." "Most stars never get to be as big as you are." "Right now, around here." "How did you get to be so wise?" "What are old men for?" "The boys figured if they was going to take on the pirates and the syndicate... they'd need reinforcements." "The most reinforced person in Hazzard was Ms. Mabel, the Mobile Madame." "Ms. Mabel's party girls roamed Hazzard in a fancy RV camper." "Are you sure everything is set?" "Sure, pretty Bo." "The beer's cold, the CB's hot, and the girls are ready." "They want you on the CB." "I'II be right back, fellas." "Ruby?" "What in the world are you doing working here?" "Honey, after going with you, this was a step up in the world." "still bitter?" "We got to get out of here." "The cops are coming." "You were going to move outside of Hazzard County, anyway." "It's a pity." "We just had set up here." "Besides, we met a Iot of nice folks." "Stay where it's safe." "You ought to know better." "I'II drive the motor home." "You get the scrap heap." "Come on." "So Daisy and Starr left from his place right on schedule... followed by Bo and Luke... and whoever that is." "Everybody seemed to be following everybody, and nobody knew anybody." "And so it turned out, everybody was following everybody else... for the wrong reason." "That's about up to par." "holy cats!" "We're headed back towards Hazzard County." "I can read." "Terrific." "We also got us a tall, hanging way back." "That looks like those same guys we left in the junkyard." "Wait a minute." "They can't be Starr's guards 'cause they're in front of us." "I ever tell you what a treat it is working with your keen mind?" "Then who are they?" "Sheriff, what are you doing?" "AII" "Hush." "I'd have Enos read you your rights, but you ain't got any..." "because you broke probation." "Hi, fellas." "What's the charge?" "Cohorting with known criminals." "The only known criminals we consort with is you." "You got a nasty mouth on you, Duke boy." "You didn't know it, but the FBI was trailing you." "They've got pictures of you two cohorting with musical pirates." "Come on, you'II have to go with us." "Get out of that car!" "Can I bring this with me?" "What?" "Dynamite." "Judas priest on a pony!" "We made it." "Yeah, we also lost Daisy." "It seems them boys couldn't get two things right back-to-back... no matter whose life depended on it." "Hey, Iead-foot." "How are you doing, Farrah Fawcett?" "Hey, Cooter." "What's happening?" "Nothing much." "We've just been chased by the FBI." "We just dynamited one of Rosco's cars." "What's up with you?" "Nothing new." "voltage meter." "slick." "Just like New York City." "What did y'aII do to the FBI?" "They was chasing us, so we wrecked one of their cars in the junkyard." "Did you total it?" "No, just a little body damage." "You tell them I'II give them a real good price on a complete body job." "We'II have to send them boys a note of apology." "I Iike the FBI." "They got a good TV show." "Cooter, Daisy's in trouble." "Now, we was following her, and the FBI was following us." "The sheriff caught us and we got away, but we lost Daisy." "So the FBI is following Daisy?" "Why don't y'aII follow the FBI?" "And then you'II find Daisy." ""Out of the mouth of babes," as Jesse would say." "That's right." "Cooter, you do us a favor." "Get on your CB and put a spot on them." "They may be monitoring us." "I got you covered." "AII right." "Breaker One, I might be crazy, but I ain't dumb." "Crazy Cooter coming at you." "Anybody home on the Hazzard net?" "Dreams, that's what it's all about." "And they're hard to come by." "You and me, baby, this is going to be a dream come true." "I still don't understand the setup here." "It's very simple." "That's the pressing plant, that's the recording studio." "What do you think?" "It's not the Grand ole Opry." "It's not supposed to be." "Jojo, any sign of the boss and the syndicate?" "You're gonna knock them dead." "Excuse me." "Do you have a little girls' room around here?" "Sure, right over there." "Okay." "Enos, what's wrong with you?" "The FBI is in there." "FBI!" "Hi, fellas." "Your guns were here yesterday." "They've just" "The surveillance team you talked to has spotted the plant." "They're watching it." "We're the raid team, and we're going in now." "Raid team?" "Let's go, guys." "Just go, then." "Sheriff, I just love a good raid." "General Lee, General Robert E. Lee, this here is old Crazy Cooter." "Come on." "Come in, old Coot." "You gentlemen are in luck, because you sure don't live right." "Deacon Lyle Perkins lives one farm over from the Morrow place." "He spotted the limo and the Uncle Sam Smokey... going down the road to the farm about a half hour ago." "We're right on top of that." "That ain't all." "A bunch of other cars showed up, too." "So y'all be careful." "Read you, Cooter." "We're on our way." "Can you relay that to MabeI?" "10-4." "This is it, boys." "I foreclosed on it... and turned it into a studio and a record-pressing plant." "still looks like a farm, though, don't it?" "What's that smell?" "Fresh air." "And inside this studio... is a lady with a trick voice who's gonna make us all a ton." "She'd better." "We're taking a risk being here." "Robert, you keep your eyes peeled." "This place gives me the creeps." "No alleys, no sewers, no place to hide." "I sure hope MabeI got that message." "With Cooter's transmitter, they'II get it in Moscow." "And once again, here come the law." "So where is she?" "In the ladies' room." "She's a little nervous." "Here she is now." "Come in here, sweetheart." "Guys, I'd Iike you to meet" "Boss!" "Daisy Duke!" "You didn't tell me that Boss was the boss." "You two know each other?" "Yeah, I know her." "I just don't know anything about her." "We made this trip, and you ain't ever heard her sing?" "No, why, we were both in the same church choir." "Isn't that so, Daisy?" "Yes, Boss sings bass." "No kidding." "That's right." "Let's get on with it." "Excuse me..." "I have to go to the little girls' room." "Again?" "Me, too." "You can't come in here!" "It's as good a place to die as any." "You trying to get us killed?" "I'm trying to get my $50 back." "What $50?" "Never mind." "I don't know what you Dukes are up to... but you better be able to sing like a bird or we're all dead ducks!" "Those syndicate boys out there invented cement shoes." "Lord, who would want any?" "Can you sing?" "Fair." "We're dead." "What is going on?" "Those guys are getting edgy." "That happened once before on St. valentine's Day." "Now get out there and sing." "Now what?" "Man, this is a weird case." "First of all, I'd Iike to thank you for coming to hear me." "Did you have a pleasant trip down?" "What is this?" "We gonna hear her sing, or what?" "Somebody's stalling." "stalling makes me nervous." "Okay." "For my first song, I'd Iike to sing for you... this real catchy tune that...." "I made it up." "What's that?" "What's going on around here?" "What the hell is this?" "Now you know what the girls were for.:" "bait, to get everybody outside." "Who called for broads?" "Who else knows we're down here?" "Nobody knows." "It's a mistake." "Damn straight, it's a mistake!" "Let's get out of here." "I should've never dealt with hicks." "Who are you calling a hick?" "Come on, now." "You don't want to miss the fun." "Hey, Boss." "You here, too?" "welcome to Hazzard County, gentlemen." "The sheriff and the FBI are on their way." "FBI!" "You fool!" "old Rosco put his foot in it this time." "Isn't that just the prettiest sight you've ever seen in your life?" "Come on, light, you son of a gun." "Light it up." "There she is." "She's trying." "There she goes." "And that's the legend of Daisy's song." "And the fbi didn't get their man.:" "no evidence." "And Boss didn't get in the syndicate.:" "no record plant." "Looks like it would have been a lot easier just to give Daisy her $50 back." "But that ain't the whole story." "Want to hear our new song?" "It hasn't even been released yet." "Sure." "Jessi CoIter sent it." "She's going to record it for real." "Oh, my Lord!" "Listen!" "See, I told you." "AII you got to do is just keep dreaming them dreams." "Another good thing about Hazzard County.:" "We tend to have happy endings." "english"