"Previously on Krod Mandoon..." "All Dongalor needs now is the tears of a pagan woman." "Pagan women don't cry." "The smoke from the beacon will alert resistance leaders everywhere." "The fate of the resistance rests in your hands." "I weep at the prospect." " Oh, snap." " Oh!" "With Krod still baffled by the disastrous turn of events at the doomsday beacon and his men reeling from postpartum depression, they made their way back to Hessemeel only to discover their troubles were just beginning." ""Mission accomplished." ""Boom boom at beacon leaves mandoon dead"?" "Dongalor's offering general amnesty." ""This saturday, any resistance fighters who lay down their arms" ""will receive 20 gold mantoolas and a mule."" "Wait." "Why would Dongalor think we died at the beacon?" "That mission was a secret." "The only person who knew we were there was..." "Grimshank." "He's working with Dongalor." "I knew it." "I knew it, Krod." "Why didn't you say something?" "I just did." "That's what..." "I just..." "We've got to warn Ralph and Aneka." "I just hope that backstabber hasn't got to them yet." "I don't call on you very often and when I do, it's usually a courtesy." "And that's appreciated." "I know you run in warlock circles..." "I sprint in them." "Does Grimshank have any weaknesses that we could exploit?" "Yeah, yeah, he does." "But I got to warn y'all, it's not gonna be pleasant." "Even after 30 years of marriage, he was insatiable." "He'd have me four or five times a day." "Not counting handjies." "He made me train my kegel muscles to the point where I could pick up loose change." "What?" "You don't get to see that every day." "But after the menopause, he lost interest in me sexually." "I indulged his every perversion:" " Mouth fun..." " Sure." " Bagpiping..." " Right." "A bit of canary in the coal mine..." "Why?" "But nothing satisfied him." "Agnes, if you really want to get back at Grimshank, help us out." "His wizardly denomination is the order of the hound." "It's on a wire." " She's good." " The source of Grimshank's magic is a canine tooth he wears on a gold waist chain." "Without it, he's just a powerless old perv." "But how do we get close enough to him to get the tooth?" "I'll turn you into the thing he fears the least:" "the body and soul of a shaggy beast." "Hey, Master, my fleas are gone." "Good for you." "Now, let's focus." "We have to warn Ralph and Aneka that Grimshank is a traitor." " Bruce, do you mind?" " It's a compliment, Krod." "Villa, my ass." " Ralph live in a damn castle." " Yeah, I saw." "I hear Aneka." "Y'all just gonna take off and leave me in the back?" "'Cause I'm the black dog?" "Racists." "Hey What's the trouble, girl?" " Girl?" " Well, now," "What do we have here?" "I don't know where she came from." "She just bounded in all excited." "Are you in heat?" "Heat?" "Can you not see my balls?" "Gracious me, there's an entire pack of them here." "Guys, it's no use, she can't understand what I'm saying." "Snowflake, why don't you take our new friends to my quarters?" "Fine." "We'll go to his quarters and see what we can find out." "Let's go." "Bruce!" "Sir." "The Dongalor youth composed this hymn, especially for your impending triumph over the resistance." "They've done excellently, as have you in selecting the finest our province has to offer." " Shining examples." " Dongalor" " Good gods!" " Dongalor" "Who is this odious troglodyte?" "We know who this is." "This is Homunculo." "He lives beneath the slop house." "He's your bastard son." "Hi, dad." "I'm afraid daddy has to dash off now," "But how would you like to go on a boat ride with uncle Bar-Bar?" "But I can't swim." "Really?" "That doesn't matter." "Just remember to have lots of stones in your pockets to throw at turtles." "Have fun." "Two, three, four." "... needs another verse go and write some more..." "What's in that vial?" "I don't know." "But I guarantee it's something nasty." "Bad Snowflake." "You almost made daddy spill his pagan tears." "Pagan tears!" "I knew he was evil." " Told you." " Don't start." "There's the tooth right there." "Grab it, and let'sget the hell out of here." "Grab it with what?" "Face it, we're stuck here until the spell wears off." "Great." "What are we supposed to do between now and dawn?" "We're off the clock until sun-up," "Separate corners and no peeking." "Guys, wake up." " Anybody got a mint?" " Quiet." "You'll wake him." "He looks excited about something." "Hit it with a spoon." " Krod, get the tooth." " Me?" " Isn't this more up your alley?" " I am not a wrinkle queen." "Arcadius was an exception." "Fine." " I'm going in." " Careful, Master." "Steady." "That's not a tooth." "Steady." "Got it." "Rise and shine, Grimshank." "Look at what I've got." "I thought you were dead!" "You thought wrong, old man." "Give me my tooth back." "No chance." " Say good-bye to your magics." " No, no, no!" "That's the biggest mistake you've ever made." "Oh, really, traitor?" "Then what's this?" " None of your business." " Yeah, well, it is now." "Quasto, gag him." "Keep an eye out for Dongalor." "I'm gonna go let Longshaft know his villa's got a rat problem." "Oh!" "Robe." "Robe." "You're alive!" "Yeah." "No thanks to this traitor." "Grimshank?" "Traitor?" "I found these in his room." "Pagan tears." "He and Dongalor were gonna use them to fuel the eye of galga gremda." "On behalf of the resistance, I thank you, Mandoon." "I'll dispose of those." "Don't give him the tears, you fool!" "Seriously, with the name calling!" "Forgive him, he's going through a painful divorce." "Now listen to me." "Take the tears and leave right now." "It's your only chance to save the resistance." "Trust me." "Trust you?" "You tried to blow me up!" "Because I needed you dead." "I know we never got along," " but I think that's a little extreme." " It was nothing personal." "It was part of my plan to save the resistance." "What?" "How?" "You're alive!" "That's how." "I have been working for the resistance as a double agent." "And I realized as soon as I saw that she loved you..." "Hold up." " You saw that she loved me?" " It was obvious." "It was obvious?" " See, I think that way and..." " I saw that she loved you, and I realized that if we were to have any chance at all of harvesting pagan tears," "She had to believe you were gone." "You cried over me?" "You never cry." " Yeah, Krod..." " Yeah?" "With all due respect, what my former colleague saw and," "I presume heard, was hardly Aneka's love for you." "In fact, if I may take a rare break from gentlemanly decorum," "That bitch wore my ass out." "Is that true?" "Did you?" "Wear his ass out?" "We emptied her lube gourd." "Twice." "That was a huge gourd." "I know." "I guess that settles it." "Here." "Take them." "No!" "Ever the chump, Mandoon." "Are you ready, big "D"?" "Born ready, R. L." "What say we fry up some villagers?" "You fool, do you realize what you've just done?" "Yes." "I've exposed the real traitor" "And given him a vial of grobble urine." "You think it'd be cloudy, but surprisingly, it's clear as spring water." "Here are the real tears." "Suck on that, boys." "Who's the fool now, Grimshank?" "Still you." "My sword." "Now I know I had it when I got up." "As we speak, hundreds of resistance fighters are gathered in the Hessemeel commons seeking amnesty and a mule." "Fools." "Everyone knows there's no such thing as a free mule." "Say hello to the Eye of Galga Gremda." "Double agent guy, didn't you have a plan to shut this thing down?" "Yes, I was gonna wait until the weapon was activated and then use my telekinetic powers to turn it onto Dongalor's palace." "That's great!" "Let's do that." "You threw my magic away." "I am now completely powerless." "Right." "Accept it." "Your so-called resistance is doomed." "I'll take those tears." "You want them?" "You'll have to carve them out of my cold, dead gullet." "It's stuck..." "I can't..." "I can't breathe." "Unbelievable." "He swallowed the vial." "What was I supposed to do?" " Crush it on the stone floor." " Pour the tears out." "Or just swallow them." "Quite a few options, really." "I was looking forward to the gullet-carving." "Where was i?" "Oh, yes." "Kill him." "Still no sign of Donga..." "lor." "Hello!" "The vial of tears, sir." "Yes, sir, thank you for including me in today's epochal events." "Oh, Barnabus, I couldn't have done it without you." "Now drop." "You can take him." "I don't know, he's good." "Krod, it's the size of a warrior's heart that counts," "Not his sword." "First of all, this is not my sword." "My sword is huge." "It is way bigger than his." "Arcadius said you were the golden one." "I die unconvinced." "Hand cramp." " Are you in pain, sir?" " Oh, I'll soldier on as I always do." " Why, Ralph?" " Come, come, Krod." "Look around you." "Do you honestly believe someone born into all this would fight to see it abolished?" "No." "Join me, and you too can have a palace of your own." "Freedom is my palace." ""Freedom is my palace." What a clumsy little metaphor." "Showtime!" "Joy!" "Just a matter of minutes now, Barnabus." "Let's away." "Farewell, Mändoon." "Just surrender, and I'll give Aneka back." "She's not yours to give." "Do what you must." " Set his hair on fire!" " Keep him down, rip his head off!" "Rub him with oil!" "Get him greasy!" "It is an honor to die at your hand, Aneka." "Kröd, you were a worthy foe." "Classy till the end." " How did you do that, Zez?" " I'll tell you what it was." "It was focus, preparation, execution." "Grimshank's tooth?" "Did you fish it out of the moat?" "Right." " It'll never fit, Barnabus." " It will." "Let me just strap it on." " Where is that coming from?" " Someplace beautiful?" "Yes, the wings are secure, sir." "Good." "Well, Barney, old chap," " Bonne chance." " Wha..." "Bonne chance, sir?" " Am I allowed to come too?" " No, Barnabus." "A hero's death awaits you." " Well, there's no greater glory." " Yes." "Yes, of course." "A guilt trip." "Really." "On the greatest day of my life." "That's the thanks I get, is it?" " 1,000 apologies, sir, but..." " No, too late." "Damage is done." "Talk to the wing." " Dongalor!" " Attack, Barnabus." "It's over!" "Kröd." "Kröddy." "Krödmeister." "You're no killer." "I saw you spare Ralph." "Rafe." "Ralph." "Rafe." "Is he Ralph or Rafe?" "It's spelled Ralph, but it's pronounced "Rafe."" "But he didn't kill Arcadius." " You did." " Wait." "There's something you need to know." "A very powerful secret that has been kept from you for too long now." " You're stalling." " No, it's true." "Kröd, I am... your brother." " My brother?" " In-law." " Say again?" " I married your sister." "Voola?" "She left home when I was a kid." "She joined the Mulcavian..." "And the fact remains, We were married," "Albeit briefly." " Wait, you're not even married anymore?" " Yeah, well, not now." "She's nuts." "And a whore." "But the fact is, Kröd," " we're family." " Kröd!" "The Eye!" "It's about to blow!" "This isn't over." "Surrender immediately, if you don't mind." "There's got to be some way to stop this thing." "You know what to do, golden one." "Fulfill your destiny." "Hroath g'blon brack rothan." " Let fire flow through the steel." " Wait." "Answer me this." "Do you know if Bruce is seeing anyone or..." " Later." " Fair enough." "Go, lad." "You be careful with those tears." "Somebody's gonna get hurt." "And sadly, it would be Kröd over and over again." "For despite Aneka's commitment to her pagan faith and pagan ways," "Kröd remained convinced that one day he'd finally tail that sweet, sweet nasty ass." "You there!" "Peasant, help me down from this tree." "You'll be richly rewarded." " Homunculo?" " Father." "I thought you..." "Hey, there, buddy, how was the boat ride?" "Yes, good?" "Shield me, Barnabus." "Shield me from this wretched monster." " Good arm on the boy, no?" " Yes, not bad, sir, not bad." "He wouldn't." "He would." "By the gods, Barnabus, I love the little bastard." "Homunculo Vesuvius Dongalor," "I hereby acknowledge you to be my rightful heir." "Come live with me at the palace." "You can have Barnabus' quarters." " Oh, sir, where will I live?" " And still he chops!" " Isn't he wonderful, Barnabus?" " Absolutely." "But sir, where will I live?"