"Look at me, right?" "And look at the Queen." "I was never a fan until it occurred to me how much me and Ma'am have in common." "Bringing up kiddies you can't remember the names of." "I know she's not a single parent but she might as well be." "Plus, the pair of us, we've stuck to our guns, her literally sometimes, and flagshipped a dying breed." "Admired and despised equally." "Not for never lifting a finger." "No, for setting examples through extremity." "And whether you're a bigwig on her end or a bigwig on mine, you've still got all your dickheads in the middle to deal with, snip snip snipping at your benefits." "I mean, she can't not be looking at me and thinking," ""What's your secret, Frank?"" "I got shot of my kids yonks back, whereas she's yet to see the back of a single one." "I've had to get out of bed on occasion to make ends meet whereas she, she's done the whole thing from a chair." "Oh, a drink for the lady." "Oh, sure, there's perks." "But look at her lot." "Brian May prancing about on her roof." "Now look at my lot." "We know how to throw a proper fucking pa-a-arty!" "'I know I don't look deep, but sometimes I have thoughts, 'big thoughts." "About life, death, love." "'Top of your head, how many kinds can you think of?" "'There's the unconditional kind you're supposed to have for your kids, 'the physical kind between a man and a woman...'" "'..or a pig." "'But it's not just people." "'You can love an idea, a state of mind." "'It's all love." "'But what do you do if it goes sour?" "'To truly hate something or someone, you've got to have loved it first." "'If hate comes from love then it can always be put back." "'Right?" "'" "Mind out!" "Oh, sorry." "Forget it." "Did they get much?" "Enough." "Get it back on insurance, though?" "No insurance?" "Ssh!" "Ouch." "Yeah." "I know." "Ouch." "Look, mate, I've got to get on." "What can I do for you?" "Actually, I came to see Remona." "Ah, there she is!" "Now then, love, look at you all domesticated!" "I did say I'd be passing." "And I did say "Not interested."" "Let's see if I can simplify that message further." "Piss off, Dad." "I can see you've got your hands full this morning." "Maybe if I pop back later?" "Leave you to it, then." "Scuse me, love." "That was Remona's... dad." "Messy bleeder, isn't he?" "Eh, couldn't lend us a quid, could you?" "For some tabs?" "You can have two." "Best part of you ran down your mother's leg." "Coffee's on the table, help yourself." "No milk, though." "Shift, you." "Shame we can't just stay here all day, making love... falling asleep... waking up... making love again." "It'd be brilliant and everything but, you know," "I kind of think they're going to need you." "Them suspects won't throw themselves down the stairs." "See you tomorrow, though, eh?" "Say it." "You know, I need to hear it, those three little words." " You know I can't leave until..." " I love you." "I love you too." "Tam's got Es!" "Hey!" "Oh, all right, son?" "Sorry you got stuck in the middle back there." "Oh, no, it's fine." "It's just..." "Remona always made her dad out to be..." "Older?" "Dead." "Yeah, that'd be right." "Always fancied herself independent, that one." "So are you and her...?" "No!" "Not that I wouldn't!" "I mean, I wouldn't, not cos there's 'owt wrong with her, it's just..." "I'm just messing." "Business partners, right?" "You're the one that pays the insurance?" "Yeah." "I sort of... haven't mentioned it to her yet." "So..." "My lips are sealed." "Not that she's in any hurry to be listening to me anyway." "I don't blame her." "I was never around much." "Listen, you couldn't have a word, could you?" "I only want the chance to talk." "Plus, I'm pretty sure when she hears what I've got to say she'll stop worrying about your insurance problems." "So he has the odd party-smartie." "So what?" "So nothing, Frank." "I wasn't raised in a nunnery," "I couldn't care less about a couple of pills." "Not a couple though, is it?" "You could hardly call this personal use." "Oh, I don't know." "Maybe I should take 'em off your hands, eh?" "Out of sight, out of mind and all that." "Thieving little bastards." "Do you know what I'd do if I had five minutes alone with them?" "Sew their mouths up with fish-hooks and burn out their eyes?" "What?" "Nothing." "Where've you been?" "Do you want to tell me what that was all about this morning with your dad?" "Dad?" "None of my business." "He seemed to want to talk to you." "Well, I didn't want to talk to him." "Let's leave it at that." "We don't get on." "Why not?" "Cos he didn't come to my ballet recital and he never bought me a fucking pony." "All right?" "You better go get those insurance documents," "I reckon we're a couple of grand out here." "No rush." "I'll talk to them tomorrow." "No rush?" "Yeah, you know, not me first robbery." "No point getting stressed." "In fact, I reckon we get this place cleared up, close early and head to the pub." "Put it all behind us." "# I'm horny, horny, horny, horny" "# So horny, I'm horny, horny, horny" "# I'm horny, I'm horny, horny, horny. #" "Where you going?" "For a slash." "Young love, eh?" "Yeah." "We're all rooting for them." "Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me." "Ah, that's what I like to see, my daughter laughing and happy." "Your Remona's dad?" "I'm proud to say I am, yes." "What are you doing here?" "I just want to talk." "You knew he was going to be here?" "I really think you should hear him out." "I've got something for you." "I don't care!" "Me and Mindy have been downsizing." "Sold your mam's old place." "This is your share." "I don't want it." "How much is it?" "Patreesha!" "30 grand." "Shitting hell." "I want you to have it." "Me and Mindy want you to have it." "Thank you." "Well, I reckon that 30 G'll stretch to a round." "For everybody!" "I know your lot don't approve of alcohol." "But you've got to spread the happiness a bit, right, flower?" "Some twat's been through my stuff." "Twat, twat!" "Know the difference between buying and supplying?" "Ten years." "What have you done with them?" "Tucked them away safe." "You think you're so clever." "# That's why the lady is a tramp" "# She loves the free, fresh wind in her hair. #" "He's pretty good." "Pretty good?" "I'm getting a wide-on here like a yawning fox." "# She's broke, but it's O... # .." "K, it's California" "# It's so cold and so damp... #" "Are you pissed off at me?" "For not paying the insurance, yes." "For letting him smarm round you?" "No." "It's what he does." "All an act." "Just like that is." "Yeah." "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen." "I'd chuck me knickers but I'd have to ring 'em out first." "Nice one, Barry." "Cheers, Chesney." "My wife Mindy likes a bit of Ol' Blue Eyes." "Remona's mum did an' all, didn't she, love?" "I don't remember her having any choice." "So come on, you have..." "All right?" "You haven't even told me how you are." "Peachy." "That's good." "Wish I could say the same." "I've not been too well." "Heart problems, you know?" "Or you would if we talked any more." "I don't even remember the last time you sent us a Christmas card." "I'm a Muslim." "I don't do Christmas, you know that." "You used to, when you were little." "I remember this one time, when me and her mum were still together," "I was in bed, I heard some noise downstairs." "I thought somebody had broken in." "So I crept down, threw open the living room door and there's Remona, holding a spanner." "She'd dismantled the fire and dumped it into the middle of the floor." "She must've only been about six." "I said "What are you doing?"" "She said "How the fuck can Santa get down the chimney" ""with the fire in the way?"" "Why don't you tell them how that story ends?" "How do you mean?" "You can't have forgotten, surely?" "I stepped out of line, didn't I?" "How would one of those stories usually end?" "You're not going, are you?" "Stay and have a drink with me, with your friends." "Jamie, can we have another drink for everybody here and I'll settle up with you later, yeah?" "Oh, ta." "Like old times, innit?" "Fetching your old man his breakfast brew." "Not really." "When I was little, I could never work out how to get the top off the rat-poison..." "I've got it down now though." "Ah..." "Never were a morning person, were you?" "What was I supposed to do?" "Leave the guy on the street?" "Fuck's sake, Remona, 30 grand he just give you." "Yeah?" "Well the sooner it's spent the better." "Eh, do you reckon we still need a new van?" "You serious?" "If you could put some cash down for one this morning," "I'll square up with you once the cheque clears." "Too fucking right, I can." "Eh, eh, eh, sturdy and functional." "How many women have described my good self." "Hey, that was Mindy." "Sends her love." "My arse." "Where is she anyway?" "Visiting her mum." "So that's why you're really here." "Didn't fancy being outnumbered?" "All right, couldn't stand being under the same roof as that miserable cow." "But I'm here because I wanted to see you." "I once again refer you to my arse." "I could swear I had some on me, can we sort it later, yeah?" "No credit." "Oh come on, Bet Laden!" "Fucking 30 grand up?" "You can't want the full whack for a nose job surely, not even with one like yours." "That's my fucking daughter you're talking to!" "You have my condolences." "I... stand up for myself!" "Barry, she..." "All right, it's all right." "You off somewhere?" "OK then, well, if he comes sniffing round, I'll tell him to do one, but he'll only score somewhere else." "You can leave me to worry about that one." "Thanks, Shane." "Hiya." "What's she doing here?" "Had a problem with the lad." "Needed some advice, why?" "I don't like her." "Mm-hm?" "I can read people." "Part of the job." "Speaking of jobs..." "No, let's go to mine." "I want you all to myself." "Don't want anyone disturbing us." "Who's gonna disturb us anyway?" "You tell me." "Other women asking for advice?" "Now them are some wheels I could see you behind." "Remona wants a van." "Got to do what the boss says, eh?" "She's not my boss." "But, it is her money." "Sometimes in life, son, you've got to make the call yourself, worry about what other people say later." "Don't want to get to the end with nowt but a list of regrets, believe me." "Get to the end?" "You're not that fucking old, Barry." "Not always age that see's you off, you know?" "So what are you saying?" "Here you are, mate!" "Let me do the talking, lad." "It's the bollocks, innit?" "That's one word for it." "What the shitting fuck?" "!" "What do you reckon?" "Got a good deal on it too." "Did you?" "And what did you spend the rest on?" "Some magic beans?" "A van, Chesney." "I said a van." "All the vans were over-priced, flower." "This was a steal." "Oh, I might have fucking known." "He talked the guy down an extra five ton." "He was amazing, you should be thanking him." "Wake up, Chesney, for fuck's sake!" "What?" "It's me she's angry with, son, not you." "She hates me, I'm just making it worse." "Good to meet you, son." "What?" "I've got an idea." "Dig in, Barry." "Well, this is nice." "I thought it would be a packet of cheese and onion down the pub for my tea." "A family dinner." "Just what the doctor ordered, Chesney." "Cheers." "A family dinner?" "In a sense." "Cos this would be your perfect family, of course?" "I always hoped you'd settle down someday, start one of your own." "Find a nice man to take care of you." "So, how long have you and Mindy been together?" "Nearly 30 years." "Don't regret a day." "Here..." "Wow!" "She's beautiful." "She wants to be too." "Just had the works done, face lift, boob job." "Over two grand's worth." "I paid for it, a birthday present." "Yeah, yours." "Well, like I said, a man has to take care of his woman." "Isn't that right, Chesney?" "Er, think very carefully about your answer." "Barry?" "You OK?" "I'm all right." "I'm all right." "No, it's all right..." "I'm fine." "Something wrong, love?" "Just what is it you think that you're doing?" "Sorry?" "Remona." "A man takes care of his woman?" "Is that your spin on it, is it?" "Now, I know I'm a bit set in my ways," "I know I'm a little old-fashioned in my beliefs." "I certainly don't mean to be 'politically incorrect'." "I just happen to think, in my culture, as well as in yours..." "Don't." "Just don't." "I'm not playing this game anymore." "I want you... out of my flat." "Wait, your flat?" "Stay out of it, Chesney." "I won't fucking stay out of it." "No, all right, son." "I think maybe this was a bad idea." "You're not going anywhere." "He's not going anywhere." "For fuck's sake, Remona, he's your Dad!" "He just gave you 30 grand." "Take it, get out and don't ever come back." "Barry." "I'm so sorry about this." "I don't know what, just do me a favour, yeah?" "Look out for her." "And surprise, surprise... it sinks." "The end." "It's not about the ship sinking." "It's a tragic romance." "Mmm." "It's that all right." "Isn't she beautiful?" "Who, her?" "Bit porky." "Not really my type." "She looks a bit like that Esther, doesn't she?" "Not really." "What was this advice you were giving her anyway?" "What does it matter?" "Why won't you tell me?" "Because it's..." "What?" "Private?" "A little secret between you and her?" "Oh, for fuck's sake!" "She's worried about her lad dealing, all right?" "And I don't think she'd be too made up about me telling that fact to a fucking copper, do you?" "You didn't tell it to a copper, you told it to your girlfriend." "You do know these are, like, the extra strength ones?" "Yeah." "Well, wouldn't be better off with a toilet plunger?" "They're not for me, they're for Frank." "His arse-pipes are bunged up to fuck." "Hard to believe he's still single." "Barry's left his heart pills in the bathroom." "So?" "He might need 'em?" "And me without a carrier pigeon." "What's wrong with you?" "Bad enough you throw his money back in his face, when we've still got a car to pay off, stock to replace, and a three figure tab down the Jockey." "All he was trying to do was help." "Out of the goodness of his poorly, poorly heart." "She's totally predictable." "Under the sink, back of the knife draw... or..." "Yep, drawer number three." "Barry!" "Barry!" "Barry!" "Barry?" "Barry!" "What the fuck?" "!" "What, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" "I thought you'd had one." "I was just a bit upset about what happened with Remona." "I had a few drinks, that's all." "Mm-hm." "Mindy still at her mum's is she?" "Yeah." "Maybe we should ring her." "I told you, I'm fine." "I think you should come back to ours... just till Mindy's home." "You shouldn't be by yourself." "You reckon I'd be welcome there, do you?" "My dad was a prick." "Some dads are." "Maybe you were too." "But, the difference is you want to change all that, make things right, don't you?" "You heard her." "It's too late." "Wouldn't even take my money." "What does that say?" "That you need to try again." "I dunno, I don't think I wanna keep on." ""Don't want to get to the end with a list of regrets."" "That's what you said, isn't it?" "Yeah, but..." "Then come on." "Oh, shit." "Will you just listen?" "I went round to drop his pills off and he was passed out on the couch, pissed." "The place was a shit-hole." "Oh, stop, you're making me nostalgic." "I think Mindy's left him." "He's not admitted it, but..." "Is it true then?" "Yeah, it's true." "She left." "I don't know where she is." "The Stepford wife breaks her programming." "Well, come on, what finally pushed her over the edge?" "We had a row, about me wanting to see you, about the money." "You can't stop, can you?" "And you, you're actually buying this bullshit, are you?" "He's upset." "And he's not well and I'm going to help him find her again and until I do, he's staying with us." "If he takes another step inside that flat..." "There is no us." "We're going as family." "So where's Tam?" "He's going to meet us there, with Aiden." "It'll be fun, and informative, something for all generations to enjoy together." "Karen and Shane are coming." "It'll be shit." "Any more "twats" and "shits" out of you and I'll break your fingers." "Room for a little 'un?" "You coming along?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, big fan of Polish culture, me." "Yeah." "And there's vodka tasting." "Oh." "Oh, you're taking the pills with you?" "I think Tam's been looking for them." "Safer to keep 'em on me." "There's easier ways to get rid of a bag of pills, you know." "I'll bear it in mind." "Stick this on." "Bit of driving music to get us in the mood." "Best Of Frank Sinatra?" "I like it." "It soothes me." "They'll have proper Polish grub, traditional music, probably get us doing the polka!" "I don't dance." "Neither do the Poles." "You mentioned something about free vodka?" "Vodka tasting, yeah, it's practically a religion with them." "98% proof, could strip a corpse." "Me and Kassi been to one of these once, back at our old place." "I warn you now, after a few shots, things can get a little raucous." "Fuck me, have the Germans just left?" "Mindy comes here every month to get her Botox done." "Another thing I fucking pay for." "You stay here." "Sorry." "Pierogi." "Farmer's cheese." "Mmm." "Tastes like it." "Nothing like treating the pallet to exciting, new experiences, is there?" "Speaking of which, when's the vodka tasting commencing?" "Only in the evening." "Otherwise, everyone get... shitfaced." "Right." "Beer though." "What?" "Oh!" "Right." "Can't believe how shit this is." "I can." "But since we're here, why not liven things up a bit?" "Drive." "This isn't as much fun as I'd led you to believe, is it?" "No, it's great." "Yeah, yeah, and you can stop grinning at me too." "I didn't know I was." "All right." "Point taken." "Clear off then, take Saul and Thalia with you." "Family time's over." "Nice!" "Feel free to join them." "I don't think so, do you?" "Now that the hobbits have fucked off, what's say we crack open the contraband?" "Eh?" "You don't want to go now, do you?" "Not now it's all kicking off." "Fuck it." "Why not?" "Nah." "I'm watching me figure, thanks." "Right." "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but what's up with you?" "It's me and your mum." "Things aren't going too well at the moment, so I'm just trying to think of ways to bring us closer together." "Don't look at me, she's your wife." "But she's your mum." "If I was married to her..." "I can't believe I just fucking said that," "I wouldn't go for flowers and all that shit, I'd do something big." "You know, a gesture, a declaration." "Surprise her." "Have you got something for me?" "320, right?" "Well, 321, to be exact, but I'll let you off." "No, you won't." "I pay my debts." "Unless you want to toss for it." "You serious?" "As a heart attack." "I'll have some of that." "Heads." "Maybe her mum's gone out for the day." "What about some of Mindy's friends?" "See if..." "She hasn't got any." "She's got to have some." "I said she hasn't got any." "Should've put this on the meter." "Would've made a fortune." "I think you're forgetting who paid for this car." "Er..." "I did." "Seeing as Remona hasn't given me the money back." "Yeah, well, don't hold your breath." "She's tighter than a nun's chuff." "About as much fucking use." "Just like her mother." "What's this?" "Two weeks redundancy." "I'm closing the chemist." "Moving on." "What?" "# So deep in my heart, you're almost a part of me... #" "Got you." "Now, then." "Avril." "I don't know where she is." "Bollocks." "Just bloody tell me." "Oh, fuck's sake!" "I'll be back as soon as I can." "I don't know!" "Lying slag!" "Don't keep her from me!" "You fucking know where she is!" "Barry!" "You can't keep her from me!" "What?" "I need to get back." "Remona's closed the shop up." "So let her." "You don't need her." "I'm worried about her." "Then you're a mug." "Wash your hands and count yourself fucking lucky." "I need to get back, really." "So unless you fancy walking..." "Then drive me again tomorrow." "You been to the bogs again?" "Dunno what's up with me." "Stop leaving us on me todd, will you?" "Every time you fuck off some old Polish dear comes up and asks me to dance." "Oh, for fuck's sake, really?" "Stop, stop, stop!" "Are you actually buzzing?" "At all?" "No." "Hey!" "What sort of fucking duff pills you selling her, lad?" "Piss off, Frank, I'm a man of honour." "I never sell kids anything but pure grade." "I reckon they were a bad batch, you know." "Those pills your kid sold us." "Good shit." "Na zdrowie!" "Tam, he's fucking had us!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Keep walking." "Hurry up, it's an emergency!" "Ooh..." "Ta da!" "We're closed!" "What you doing here?" "I've left Barry." "I'm going to go and live in Spain." "Oh, well, don't be a stranger." "He's taken me passport." "You've got to help me." "You can do that, can't you?" "That sort of thing." "You've got contacts." "I mean, you're..." "Yeah, I'll get straight on the phone to Al-Qaeda HQ, shall I?" "Phony passport department, please?" "He'll really hurt me this time..." "Or worse." "Can't believe I was outsmarted by a 15-year-old." "I can't believe you were up Morris dancing without the aid of class As." "This looks cosy." "What're you doing here?" "Got a call about a disturbance." "That'll be Frank's arse." "Look, why don't I leave you two alone?" "Make a fucking change." " Have you got a problem?" " Yeah - you." "Hang on..." "I am tired of seeing her buzzing around you like a fly on shit." "We were just talking." "Not what I saw." "Sorry, I think I need to..." "Seriously, this is..." "Don't say anything, Shane." "You'll make it worse." "Sweetheart, really..." "Are you saying I'm making it up?" "!" "I saw what I saw." "How long's it going to take you to pack?" "Well, it'll be a lot quicker if you zip it." "Hi, Mindy." "Just calling to make sure you're safe." "I'm really worried about you..." "Where you going?" "Haven't decided." "I love you." "Maybe you could come to Spain with me." "Get your mate to do you a fake passport an' all?" "What a good idea." "Because he's got a two for one offer on at the moment, as it goes." "Do they do that?" " What the fuck is she doing here?" " Where's Barry?" "He's on his way up." "You can't let him see her." "He'll kill her." "Really?" "So what happened to poor old cuddly Bazza?" "You were right, I was wrong, he's a bastard and I'm a twat." "Just get her hid - quick." "Right." "In the bedroom G, O - go!" "You got any booze?" "I've got some whisky somewhere." "These are nice." "Are they Debenhams'?" "What's up with you?" "He's playing our song." "Which means he's really missing me." "Maybe this is a sign that me and him are meant to be together." "We always were like Burton and Taylor." "You're not even Bert and fuckin' Ernie!" "He's a bastard - you're not going back to him." "Me plane leaves in the morning." "Without a passport..." "I said I'd get that sorted!" "Now, it'd be a lot easier if we could get you round to the guy's flat to do it, but if the mountain won't come to Muhammad..." "I thought his name were Tariq?" "There's just one thing... he only does passports for Muslims." "I'm C of E!" "I won't have time to convert!" "I need a tissue." "Where's me handbag?" "Oh, shit!" "Long day, eh?" "You must be tired." "I'm too pissed off to be tired." "Good night's sleep'll sort that." "Do you want to do me up the arse?" "What?" "No!" "Why are you trying to get me into bed?" "Oh!" "I thought you'd gone." "Well, you know us women, fickle as fuck." "Anyway, it's not you I've come to see." "I've come about those new carrier bags you ordered." "You what?" "The bags." "They're no good." "Get rid of 'em." "Er..." "Yeah, the bags." "I'll sort it." "Just left summat in the car, Barry." "Cheers." "Well?" "It's sorted." "Now all we need to do is sort you." "What's that for?" "Converting to Islam's going to be a lot easier than you think." "It'll be all right." "Yeah." "Is he asleep?" "Yeah, I think." "What happened to you?" "Meet Fatima Abdu Zaid." "You might want to learn to spell that, by the way." "Listen, Mindy, about all this..." "I only helped him cos I thought he really loved you." "And, well, cos of his health." "What about his health?" "You know, his heart an' that." "His heart's fine." "He's got mild angina." "Lying turd!" "So what's the plan then?" "If I'm going to get her out of here," "I need you to get him off our backs while I do it." "Don't make me spend any more time with that prick, please." "You're the reason that prick's here." "Oh, and I'm going to need the car." "Morning." "All right." "Sleep OK?" "Yeah, why?" "Only, I kept hearing you going to the bog all night." "I had an upset stomach." "Probably something I ate at the Centre." "Weird, cos Aidan texted earlier and said Frank's had the shits from some dodgy Es." "Really?" "How come he can swear and I can't?" "Say what you want." "I don't care any more." "Arse!" "Piss!" "Big fuckin' hairy clagnuts!" "It's just rolls and stuff, but I've got nothing in." "Too busy driving you about, I suppose." "Yeah." "You talk too much, Chesney." "Oi." "Watch the wheels, knobheads!" "They're shit wheels, anyway." "Get lost." "Piss off!" "Yeah, little bastards!" "Dick." "Kids, eh?" "In case you're wondering, toilets are that way." "Too late, I've already pissed meself laughing." "You get the drinks in while I go for a slash." "Yeah, I'd love to." "All right, I admit, I was jealous, paranoid." "You can't blame me, though, can you?" "Er, I fucking can!" "I know, but it's just..." "I love you and I don't want to lose you." "I'm sorry." "It's not me you need to apologise to." "I'll go see her, all right?" "No more undercover shite?" "No." "Not like that, anyway." "I've texted ahead, your passport's ready and he knows you're coming." "What do I call him - Tariq or Muhammad?" "Call him fucking sir." "Then give him this." "He's not doing it for love, is he?" "Two grand, and a little bit extra till you get on your feet." "Oh, Ramona, I can't!" "Look, it's me mum's money." "And if she knew it meant getting one over on that fucker she'd have approved." "Now, come on, go get changed." "Hurry up, hurry up." "Shane asked me to call, apologise for last night." "You don't have to." "I wasn't going to." "So, I will keep this simple - stay away from him." "You can't tell me what to do." "Who the fuck do you think you are?" "I'm a police officer." "And unless you want that lad of yours done for possession with intent to supply, I'd remember that." "Mum, you all right?" "Yeah, fine." "Babe, I've got a something I want to show you." "Close your eyes." "I'm not falling for that again." "Just close your eyes." "I don't fucking believe that." "Right, I'm ready." "What the fuck's that?" "It's you." "I got you tattooed on me arse." "Is this some sort of a joke?" "Why, what's wrong?" "Well, for one, it looks like Jabba the fucking Hutt!" "And two, it's on your arse." "I did it for you, to show you I love you." "Over a hijab?" "!" " It'll have to stay here." " OK." "Oh-h!" "I've put it in me jacket pocket." "That's it!" "Does this mean I need to get changed again?" "Right, forget it, we've wasted enough time." "You're back to being Mindy." "Just, for some reason, you're in a hijab and a roadkill jacket." "Enjoy the cavity search." "Right, come on, you've got a plane to catch." "You're not going anywhere." "How long you been hiding here?" "Just since last night." "This was how you thought you were going to get away from me?" "Dressed up like one of her fucking lot?" "Better than the state you left her in!" "Shut it." "You've made your point." "Now come home." "She's not going anywhere with you." "All right, all right, I'll come." "What's going on?" "!" "I'm borrowing the car." "I'm not talking about the fucking car." "Where are you taking her?" "It's all right, it's what I want." "It's not going to happen!" "Honestly, Chesney, it's fine." "Let's go, Barry." "Let's just go home." "Get out of the car!" "Get off the bonnet, you mad bitch!" "I'm fine, Ramona." "Really!" "Get fucked!" "Get off the bonnet, or else!" "Make me!" "Barry, calm down!" "I'm not moving." "I'm not moving." "Go on, Mindy!" "Stop!" "You're mine!" "I love you, Mindy." "You can't leave me!" "How can you do this to me?" "You did this to yourself." "You are a poisonous bitch." "Oh, Dad?" "That's for earlier." "And that's for Mum." "'I remember seeing this psychiatrist or psychologist on the telly once, 'saying how love is just a chemical high in the brain or something." "'I can't remember the details." "'But what I do know is that when you love someone, and they love you... 'or even when they stop loving you..." "'..you don't feel it in your brain." "'You feel it in your heart." "'When you think about it, love can be a right pain in the arse." "'But I'll tell you something... 'you'll miss it when it's gone.'" "William here's sick of being bone idle." "What happened?" " Thalia's a bully." " What?" " You are a terrible mother." " No-one pays much attention to me." "'You got a job?" "!" "'" " I look like a salesman, don't I?" " So?" "So who's to know any different?" "If I tell her I'm a salesman, I'm a salesman, aren't I?" "A car?" "How much?" "200 quid a week." "You only make 150!" " I've got to project an image of success, haven't I?" " Drinks on Billy!" "You're fucked now, Billy-boy." "You'll have to rob a bank to keep this up." "Sick!"