"(grunts)" "(typing)" "¶ I can't fall" "For this again" "I will try till the very end" "¶ Holy days" "Holy nights" "You shook me once" "¶ But you won't do it twice" "I should have known" "You wouldn't stick" "¶ 'Cause you're a habit" "That I just can't kick" "So when you're done" "¶ Letting me down" "I won't be around, no" "I'm moving on" "¶ I'm moving on" "I'm moving on" "I'm moving on" "¶ I'm moving on, baby" "I'm moving on" "I got to keep moving" "On, on, on... ¶" "(stomach rumbling)" "(panting)" "(stomach rumbling loudly)" "(stomach continues rumbling)" "¶ I see you walking" "Down the street" "You're picking pockets" "¶ Of the ones you meet" "You always say" "You never told... ¶" "(truck creaking rhythmically)" "(panting)" "¶ I don't think we should" "So when your weight" "Is bringing you down" "¶ I won't be around, no" "I'm moving on" "I'm moving on" "¶ I'm moving on" "I'm moving on" "I'm moving on, baby" "I'm moving on... ¶" "(phone chimes)" "¶ Got to keep moving" "On, on, on. ¶" "¶I 'mgonnaleaveyou anyway" "I'm gonna leave you anyway" "Gonna leave you anyway. ¶" "¶ ¶" "¶ Lost and you won't let it up" "Feeling tired... ¶" "¶ ¶" "BECCA:" "Excuseme ." "What the hell is Jimmy doing here?" "And I thought you promised you weren't gonna make your disgusting punch." "VERNON:" "Babe,my boysexpect the trash juice." "BECCA:" "Yourboys?" "VERNON:" "Yeah." "YouknowI never get to see them." "Dave's got, like, a billion stupid kids, and Slider's a state senator now." "It sucks." "BECCA:" "Fine,butwhy did you  invite Jimmy?" "VERNON:" "Menstopmaking friends at 23." "It's science." "When was the last time I had any visitors to my man cave, except that zero Paul?" "LINDSAY:" "Hey!" "BECCA:" "Didyoubringthe lemons?" "LINDSAY:" "Ah..." "BECCA:" "I givepeopleone job !" "VERNON:" "Hey,Linds,taste this." "BECCA:" "No,thanks." "I'm actually not drinking." "Psst." "BECCA:" "What?" "LINDSAY:" "Listen,Inevertold" "Paul about what I told you at yoga." "BECCA:" "Youpromised!" "LINDSAY:" "I 'msnowballing here, sis." "It's like that time you guys had that intervention for me right after semester at sea." "BECCA:" "Youknowwhat,Linds?" "Your cockaholism may be just about the least important thing in the world to me right now." "I need this party to go off without a hitch." "It's a big deal." "VERNON:" "Yousure?" "LINDSAY:" "Maybejustasip." "VERNON:" "Justhaveasip." "Here you go." "BECCA:" "Well..." "I didn't know you'd be coming." "JIMMY:" "Canwe do thislater?" "I have to find Gretchen." "BECCA:" "Oh,didthatidiot invite her, too?" "I'm actually glad you're here." "JIMMY:" "Why?" "You'regonnatry and have sex with me again?" "BECCA:" "Itwasamomentary lapse of sanity." "So, thank you for... going against your animal instincts towards me." "JIMMY:" "Myanimalinstinctis to run into traffic." "BECCA:" "Oh,comeon, Jimmy." "We both know I could have flicked off one shoe..." "JIMMY:" "Yourfeetare awful," "Bec." "Shallow nail beds, pathetic arches." "I only forced myself to occasionally finish on the abominable things so you wouldn't know how repulsive they really are." "BECCA:" "Well,at leastmy heart isn't repulsive, Jimmy!" "LINDSAY:" "Hey,you." "JIMMY:" "Hey." "Have-have you seen Gretchen?" "LINDSAY:" "Rememberwhenyou  started dating my sister, she and I were still living together, and I would listen through the wall and scrunch my pillow into the perfect shape?" "JIMMY:" "No!" "Stop." "What?" "!" "LINDSAY:" "I 'vehadthatpillow since I was 11." "His name is Brandon" "Pointycorners." "JIMMY:" "Whoa!" "Oh !" "Whoa,whoa!" "Have you lost your mind?" "!" "LINDSAY:" "Comeon ." "Just kiss me." "You and Gretchen broke up." "It doesn't matter." "We're all gonna die." "(Jimmy gasps)" "Oh, no." "Oh, no!" "Gretchen!" "TOMMY:" "Dude." "EDGAR:" "Oh,hey,Jimmy." "This is my new roommate Nigel." "Nigel, this is my old roommate." "JIMMY:" "Hi." "Do we know each other?" "TOMMY( Britishaccent):" "I don't think so." "How is it, then, mate?" "JIMMY:" "Youjusthappenedto find another English roommate?" "EDGAR:" "Yup." "JIMMY:" "Whendidyou come over?" "TOMMY:" "Uh,May2008." "I was at university there studying design, but it wasn't for me." "JIMMY:" "Dormor apartment?" "TOMMY:" "Oh,youmeanflat ." "Dorm." "Uh, Scotia Quay." "Why?" "Do you know it?" "LINDSAY:" "Gretchen!" "Gretchen." "Ooh." "Gretchen!" "Don't you walk away from me!" "GRETCHEN:" "Youweretryingto kiss my boy... my ex-boyfriend!" "What is wrong with you?" "LINDSAY:" "I haveadisease." "GRETCHEN:" "Youronlydisease is that you don't love your husband." "LINDSAY:" "I 'mtryingto be  better." "GRETCHEN:" "BykissingJimmy?" "You creep!" "¶Hello,my honey" "Hello, my ragtime gal... ¶" "LINDSAY:" "I lostmy best friend." "I'm losing my husband." "I don't know what I want." "(shouting):" "Shut up, you fish!" "¶Andyou'llbeleft bealone" "(skipping):" "Be left alone" "Be left alone" "Be..." "left... alone... ¶" "(music stops)" "LINDSAY:" "Youleftmebehind," "Gretchen, at the rapper party, in life." "You always leave me behind." "GRETCHEN:" "I hadto figureout  my own shit!" "And I can't do that with you sitting on my shoulder like some stacked cartoon devil whispering, "Take dicks, do more coke, help me destroy my marriage."" "LINDSAY:" "Thatis really hurtful." "You think I'm the devil?" "GRETCHEN:" "Jimmywasgonna propose to me." "LINDSAY:" "What?" "!" "GRETCHEN:" "Yeah." "I found the ring." "That's why I stopped seeing him." "It's why I've been acting so weird." "LINDSAY:" "Oh,my God." "I can't believe it." "What is wrong with him?" "GRETCHEN:" "I know!" "Hey." "LINDSAY:" "Well,at leastyou  tried with Jimmy." "GRETCHEN:" "DidIreally, though?" "Part of me feels like I had one foot out the door the whole time." "But, I mean, marriage?" "How ridiculous is that?" "It's so ordinary." "LINDSAY:" "I know." "What's wrong with us?" "Are we feminists?" "Is this feminism?" "GRETCHEN:" "We'rejustrunning away from stuff." "I don't think that's feminism." "It's fear." "LINDSAY:" "Sowhatare you  saying?" "That actually trying is the brave thing?" "GRETCHEN:" "Maybe." "Maybe buying in is really the punk rock choice." "Am I considering this?" "Oh, my God." "LINDSAY:" "Uh-uh,bitch." "Don't you leave me behind!" "You're not gonna be the only one trying things." "I know." "I'll have a baby!" "GRETCHEN:" "Ew!" "WithPaul?" "LINDSAY:" "Yes!" "Gretch, we're going to buy in." "GRETCHEN:" "I thinkwe maybe growing up." "LINDSAY:" "I know." "Isn't it awful?" "GRETCHEN:" "Ifyouevertryto kiss Jimmy again, I will punch you in the clit." "LINDSAY:" "Deal." "JIMMY:" "TheScotland situation, huh?" "TOMMY:" "Ugh."Staywithus," "Scotland." "You belong in the UK."" "EDGAR:" "Mm-hmm." "JIMMY:" "CoronationStreet finally cancelled." "TOMMY:" "Jimmy,if it hadbeen, my mum would have rung me crying, so I think that you're wrong about that one." "(laughter)" "JIMMY:" "Allright." "So where are you guys living?" "EDGAR:" "Uh,we 'reover,uh..." "TOMMY:" "Uh,west,uh..." "No." "EDGAR:" "N-Nicaragua." "TOMMY:" "Little." "Little." "Little." "Little..." "EDGAR:" "L-Little..." "BOTH:" "LittleNicaragua." "JIMMY:" "I knewit !" "You rubbish liars." "TOMMY( noaccent):" "Sorry," "Edgar." "I studied as hard as I could." "JIMMY:" "Talk." "EDGAR:" "He'san actorImeta  while back." "JIMMY:" "NCIS:" "L.A.?" "TOMMY:" "Yes!" "(laughs) Thank you!" "Thanks." "I love my fans." "Well, uh, I'm gonna go mingle." "EDGAR:" "I 'll-I'llcomewith you." "TOMMY:" "Keepwatching,dude." "JIMMY:" "Oh,of course." "(chuckles)" "BECCA:" "Hey,hey." "Hey, hey, hey." "No, no one can leave yet." "No, actually, guys, you..." "VERNON:" "Youwantajuice?" "Do you want a trash juice?" "Trash juice." "Are you ready for your trash juice?" "Here's the rest of the vodka." "I'm putting it in." "Trash juice!" "Trash juice!" "Trash juice." "I made so much trash juice." "You guys should have some." "Do I have to drink all this trash juice by myself?" "!" "Ah!" "Drink your juice, boys!" "¶ ¶" "¶Brooklyn,Brooklyn" "Brooklyn, Brooklyn, hey ¶" "¶C 'estsibon" "She love to get it on" "Every time I see her" "¶ I cut like coupons" "Yeah, Kovas is the beast" "Do the rap in the track" "Triple-double, no assists... ¶" "LINDSAY:" "Thereyouare ." "Doing dishes at someone else's house." "I saw this and thought of you, because you're so sweet." "And because you love raisins." "Even though they're disgusting failed grapes." "Sorry what I said about raisins." "PAUL:" "I sawyoutryingto kiss Jimmy." "LINDSAY:" "What?" "What?" "!" "What are... what are you..." "PAUL:" "I 'mnotstupid." "I saw you." "LINDSAY:" "Comeon ." "You're my Paullywog." "PAUL:" "Stopit ." "You respect me so little that you..." "LINDSAY:" "Honey." "Okay, honey, I know." "I'm sorry, but that was before." "PAUL:" "Thatwashalfanhour ago." "LINDSAY:" "Right,beforenow ." "I... (Paul sighs)" "I'm so messed up." "PAUL:" "Youdon'tneeda telescope to see that." "(quiet chatter)" "JIMMY:" "Thereyouare ." "Hey." "Right, listen..." "GRETCHEN:" "Youlisten." "I know that I have issues, but it is not up to you to fix them." "JIMMY:" "You'reright." "Okay, look, I massively overstepped with your parents, and nothing like that will ever happen again." "GRETCHEN:" "Okay." "JIMMY:" "Okay?" "GRETCHEN:" "I didnotexpect you to apologize so quickly." "Look, I appreciate that we have a strong connection, but right now, that?" "That's crazytown. (chuckles)" "Have I thought about it?" "Maybe in some abstract way way down the line, but clearly now would be bonkers." "But... then I started thinking about it, and maybe we're like two pit bulls, you know?" "You put either with another dog, and that dog's toast." "But, together, they're couch buds." "They nullify the threat through mutually assured destruction." "So, uh..." "I don't know." "I mean, it's bananas, Jimmy." "But, um..." "What I mean is, uh..." "Whew!" "I mean, the punk rock choice," "Jimmy, is yes." "So screw it." "Why not?" "Yes, Jimmy." "Yes." "JIMMY:" "Whatareyou talking about?" "GRETCHEN:" "I foundthe engagement ring in your drawer." "That is why I freaked out." "JIMMY:" "Oh..." "GRETCHEN:" "ButthenIstarted thinking about it, and-and the thing about pit bulls, how..." "Oh, God." "JIMMY:" "Th-Theringwas for" "Becca." "Almost three years ago." "I was..." "I was just too embarrassed to return it." "D-Did you..." "Oh, Gretchen, don't be embarrassed." "GRETCHEN:" "I shitmyself earlier, and that is only the second most embarrassing thing that has happened to me today." "JIMMY:" "Oh..." "LINDSAY:( gasps)Areyou leaving?" "GRETCHEN:" "Yes,Icannotstay  here anymore." "LINDSAY:" "Youcan'tleaveme again." "I'm seriously gonna lose it." "Gretchen, you have to stay." "Or..." "I'm gonna suck that guy's dick." "And that guy's dick." "And definitely that guy's dick." "GRETCHEN:" "Okay,okay." "I'll stay." "I'll stay." "Why do you smell like shrimp?" "BECCA:" "Hello." "Hello. (chuckles)" "Hello?" "Quiet." "Shut that goddamn music off." "(music stops)" "Okay, well, whew, first of all, how hashtag blessed are we to have you, our dearest friends, gathered with us tonight?" "As a society, we go through nothing alone." "We are a family." "A family of friends, coworkers, neighbors we don't know very well..." "JIMMY:" "Listen,Ihad a momentary lapse of sanity with" "Becca." "GRETCHEN:" "Theworstthingis this means you wanted to marry" "Becca, but you can't even let me spend the night without it becoming a goddamn traumatic event." "BECCA:" "Shh!" "29 years ago, a baby girl was born." "VERNON:29?" "BECCA:" "Andallshe wanted, ever since she was pretending to breast-feed her Baby All Gone, was to have her own baby." "There is a quote from one of my favorite books, The Little" "PrincebyAntoinede..." "VERNON:" "I preggedherup, you  guys!" "BECCA:" "I 'mpregnant!" "I'm having a baby!" "(crowd cheering)" "(laughs)" "Thank you." "LINDSAY:" "Hello,everybody!" "(laughs)" "Um, we're having a baby, too!" "(scattered applause)" "Well, not yet, but we're gonna start trying to have one." "Yay!" "BECCA:" "Whatis wrongwith you?" "How dare you try to ruin my moment." "LINDSAY:" "It'salwaysyour moment!" "When's my moment?" "BECCA:" "Youhadyourmoment when you got married before your older sister, which is an aggressive and hateful act in any culture!" "LINDSAY:" "Thisisn'tabout you." "This is about me and Paul and-and our..." "PAUL:" "Stopit !" "I'm not having a baby with you." "LINDSAY:" "Paul?" "PAUL:" "BecauseI'mhavinga baby with someone else." "(crowd gasping)" "At some point." "In the future." "Because I'm involved with someone else." "(crowd gasping)" "Though, to be fair, it's purely emotional at this point." "I'm having an emotional affair." "LINDSAY:" "Whatareyou talking about?" "PAUL:" "HernameisAmy." "We met on a homebrew chat room." "VERNON:( laughs)Whata loser." "PAUL:" "Amy..." "She's excited about me." "She's... nice to me." "LINDSAY:" "Bear." "PAUL:" "Lindsay,Iwantto begin the process of conscious uncoupling with you." "LINDSAY:" "No." "PAUL:" "Yes,Lindsay." "I want a divorce." "BECCA:" "Oh." "Well." "Ooh. (groans)" "Mom is gonna be so disappointed." "Guess you'd better give us the good china." "LINDSAY:" "Likeyourmarriage is so perfect." "You nearly banged Jimmy last week." "GRETCHEN:" "What?" "!" "JIMMY:" "Okay,justtoclarify, she tried to bang me." "I turned her down." "Marvelously satisfying, really." "LINDSAY:" "Youtriedtosleep with him?" "I thought he tried to kiss you at your house." "JIMMY:( clearsthroat)Okay, that happened also." "But it was... it was part of this thing where we were competing to bang our exes." "BECCA:" "Whatis wrongwithyou two?" "!" "VERNON:" "Youtriedtobang my wife?" "JIMMY:" "Shetriedtosleep with me." "VERNON:" "I letyoubemy forever-friend." "I was gonna invite you into the man cave." "JIMMY:" "I barelyevenknow you!" "VERNON:" "Well,nowyou 're gonna know... my fists and feet and stuff!" "JIMMY:" "Oh,shit." "(grunting)" "VERNON:" "YouBritishprick!" "BECCA:" "Vernon,gethim !" "EDGAR:" "Goto sleep,Vernon." "BECCA:" "Edgar,stopit!" "EDGAR:" "Go...to ...sleep." "VERNON:" "ButI'mnot sleepy." "BECCA:" "Oh,God." "Get away from him." "Vernon." "Vernon." "GUEST:" "Okay,bye,Becca." "Congratulations." "BECCA:" "Wouldn'tit ..." "No, no, no." "No, you c... you can't go." "Hey, no, no." "Where are you going?" "Hey, no, no." "No, no, no, no, no." "No, no." "You..." "This is my night!" "JIMMY:" "Hasanyoneseen" "Gretchen?" "BRIANNA:" "Oh,sorry,Jimmy, but I think she left." "(Jimmy sighs)" "TOMMY:" "Hey,Jimmy." "You want in on this?" "JIMMY:" "Uh,no ,buthavefun." "Listen." "I will kill you if you tell him" "I said so, but Edgar is one of the few genuinely decent people on this planet." "You're lucky to be his friend." "TOMMY:" "Oh,I'mnot his  friend." "He cleans toilets at my gym." "JIMMY:" "Edgargotajob?" "TOMMY:" "I feltreallybad  about lying to him when we first met, so I agreed to help him out today." "(Scottish accent):" "Plus," "I'm great at accent work." "JIMMY:" "Areyou?" "TOMMY:" "Anyway,likeIcould really be friends with someone who lives in their car." "JIMMY:" "Hey." "EDGAR:" "Hey." "Uh, so, uh, uh, h-how have you been?" "JIMMY:" "Notwell." "I haven't been feeding myself properly." "EDGAR:" "I toldyoubeforeI left, the menus are in a blue binder in the bottom drawer." "JIMMY:" "Listen,maybe..." "Could you move back in?" "I..." "You'd be doing me a favor." "EDGAR:" "I haveajob now ," "Jimmy." "I'm making great progress." "I can't go backwards." "IfI movebackin, I'm paying rent, and I'm not cooking for you anymore." "JIMMY:" "Marketvaluefor your bedroom is $1,200 a month." "EDGAR:" "I willdo somelight housework." "JIMMY:" "Thanks." "EDGAR:" "Oh,hey,uh..." "JIMMY:" "Hey,comingup." "EDGAR:" "Oh." "(knocking)" "GRETCHEN:" "Whycan'tyou just let this be over?" "JIMMY:" "BecauseIcan 't." "Look, I don't know why I proposed to Becca." "It is a giant mystery, fueled mostly by my desire to make up for my wretched family and the fact that she gives spectacular blow jobs." "GRETCHEN:" "Really?" "JIMMY:" "Yeah,Idonotknow what's going on with that mouth." "She's like a human Brookstone massage chair." "GRETCHEN:" "I amcompletely stunned by this information." "JIMMY:" "Maybethesourface  creates extra suction." "Look, Becca was a choice." "A dumb choice, but a choice." "You and I-- we're inevitable." "GRETCHEN:" "Words,man." "You got a lot of pretty words, but that doesn't mean..." "JIMMY:" "Shutup ." "I'm not done." "Let's be those pit bulls." "I want to be your couch bud." "Move in with me." "(Gretchen groans)" "(key clinks on floor)" "JIMMY:" "Sorry." "Why'dyou do that?" "GRETCHEN:" "I justhumiliated myself by accepting your non-marriage proposal." "I cannot now move in with you." "JIMMY:" "Yeah,butI'm ..." "I'm  actually asking you this time." "GRETCHEN:" "Bullshit." "You're just doing this as a Hail" "Mary because you know you're about to lose me for good." "JIMMY:" "No,no ,no !" "Iwas ..." "I was going to ask you at the party." "I had the key made yesterday." "Look, my entire life, I've been obsessed with trying to live the life of a writer-- just full of loneliness and suffering." "But over the last two weeks, what I have finally realized is that the worst possible draft of my life is the one without you in it." "I hate it, Gretchen Cutler, but you goddamn floor me." "GRETCHEN:" "No." "Not yet." "JIMMY:" "Okay." "Okay." "(Gretchen sighs)" "GRETCHEN:" "Oh,shit." "We're gonna do this." "JIMMY:" "Yeah." "Shit." "GRETCHEN:" "We'regonnado this, even though we know there is only one way this ends." "Whether in a week or 20 years." "There is horrible sadness and pain coming, and we're inviting it." "JIMMY:" "God,Ilovetheway you think." "(fire crackling)" "(smoke alarm beeping)" "¶ ¶" "LINDSAY:¶ Oh,oh-ooh" "Ooh ¶" "¶ Pray God you can cope" "I stand outside" "This woman's work" "¶ This woman's world" "Ooh, it's hard on the man" "Now his part is over" "¶ Now starts the craft" "Of the father" "I know you have a little life" "¶ In you yet" "I know you have a lot" "Of strength left" "¶ I know you have a little life" "In you yet" "I know you have a lot" "¶ Of strength left" "I should be crying" "But I just can't let it show" "¶ I should be hoping" "But I can't stop thinking" "Of all the things" "¶ I should have said" "That I never said" "All the things" "¶ I should have done" "That we never did" "All the things" "¶ I should have given" "But I didn't... ¶" "BECCA:" "We'regonnahavea baby." "(Vernon snorts, snores)" "(sirens wailing)" "GRETCHEN:" "Stillgotthatkey?" "LINDSAY:¶ I shouldbe crying" "But I just can't let it show" "I should be hoping" "¶ But I can't stop thinking" "Of all the things" "I should have said" "¶ That I never said" "All the things" "I should have done" "¶ That we never did" "All the things" "I should have given" "¶ But I didn't" "Oh, darling" "Make it go" "Make it go away... ¶" "(cat meows)" "MANAGER:" "Oh,my God." "Come on." "Who's that?" "Oh, my God." "Oh!" "I'm gonna get you..." "EDGAR:" "Roomie." "GRETCHEN:" "Roomie." "LINDSAY:" "Mm,thanks." "(chuckles)" "(Edgar sniffs)" "KILLIAN:" "Hi." "JIMMY:" "Quick." "Ineedthat  copy of my house key that I gave you." "Got it?" "KILLIAN:" "I thoughtyouneeded me to water your plants next week." "JIMMY:" "I 'llgetyouanother key." "KILLIAN:" "Where'syourkey ?" "JIMMY:" "Hurry." "Justgraba box." "Nice." "Thanks." "What's that?" "GRETCHEN:" "Foodprocessor." "JIMMY:" "Ah." "GRETCHEN:" "Youhavingsecond thoughts about me moving in?" "JIMMY:" "No,no ." "Of coursenot ." "You?" "GRETCHEN:" "No." "JIMMY:" "Good." "Captioned by" "MediaAccessGroupatWGBH  access.wgbh.org" "¶ I'm gonna leave you anyway" "I'm gonna leave you anyway" "Gonna leave you anyway" "¶ You're gonna walk" "Right out that door" "You're gonna walk" "¶ Right out that door" "You're gonna walk" "And walk away. ¶"