"I'm told I'm not supposed /to argue or question" "or even try to understand." "I'm told a lot these days /ever since my life was snuffed out" "by a toilet seat and I joined /the ranks of the undead." "This is Rube, he's my boss, /he's undead too." "He's the one who gets the list /to whose to die when and where," "which he passes them onto the /rest of us grim reapers" " This what we look like to the living." " Holy shit." "My name is George Lass." "I take souls for a living." "This was my home and /this was my family." "Dad, Reggie, Mom." "They're having trouble coping." "How do you know it was her?" "I only took one." "Do I have to go for therapy?" "I don't think I'm supposed to be going this." "Be patient, for Christ sakes." "You're learning, you gotta to be thinking about all the things you like, and decide whether they are worth sticking around for." "And if they are then you find a way of doing this." " What if I don't?" " Then you go away." "The average heartbeats about 4,300 times /an hour, that's 800,000 times a week." "9 million times a crisp fall and /2.7 billion beats in a lifetime." "Well what is an average heart anyway?" "And how many beats do /broken hearts get?" "If I had to chose between /being a heart or a brain," "I would definitely chose a heart /because at least you do something." "If you are a brain at the end /of the day all you're ever good at" "is settling for shitty situations." " Here." " Thank you" "Where did everyone go?" "I don't know, maybe one of them had to make a cissy." "Hey customer!" "Sir please don't buy gas, okay?" "There's another gas station about three miles down the road." "This bear should be set free." " Yeah." " What if this was your mother in this cage?" "Yeah your mother, okay the bear is depressed and it will die." "Hey." "Hey, hey." "Please don't buy gas here." "We haven't eaten for six days." " What's the name?" " R. Luber" "You know you don't have to be here with me." "Do I really need a chaperone?" "Yes, actually you do." "How's your apartment working out?" " Fine." " You need to get a slicker." "Shiny rubber's is the best, you can hose it down." "If you don't want to look like a fireman, a trench is alright, but you gotta scotch guard the heck out of it." "Do you really care how it's going with me?" "Sure." "I make my face look like this and the concerned words come out." "So how do we know which one is Luber?" "A little trick I use." "Who's R. Luber?" "Slick." " Who are you?" "We're from The Northwest Association For The Protection Of Wild Animal Abuse." " Oh yeah?" " You've never heard of NAFPOWAA?" "Yeah!" "You and your crew are doing a fine thing here." "I just want to shake your hands." "Thank you, thank you, thank you so much, thank you." " Come on." " Umm, good job." "I see, I get it." "Thanks for nothing." "See that, people just don't care anymore." "I mean we have been hear for six days." "You fucking hicks just don't give a shit." "Can you get us any press?" "What's with the trash bag?" " If there is anything you guys need..." " Cheese burgers?" "No no no, she's just joking." "Just give us a call." "Shit." " You're late." " Sorry." "You need a slicker." "Now she owns that face." "That's why you pop the soul before they die." "Am I really, really dead?" "Really, really." " Why didn't you say anything?" " I thought you were into Joni." "That was just to piss off my parents." "I completely thought you were hot." "We could have been doing it all this time" "Yeah!" "Late again, /but what am I really late for?" "The marketing team's latest porn /recreation of Cassie from Human Resources," "naked with areolas, /scanned from the polariod" "of Joe's wife nursing their newborn baby." "Frank from E-commerce's going away party." "Barbara's underground movement /to institute two casual Fridays." "One desperate attempt after /another to find something in common" "with someone else and then cling:" ""Hey you have ten fingers?"" "I have ten fingers, let's be friends." "We'll make rules and slogans then /if we find someone with nine fingers," "we can beat the crap out of them." "It bothered me she was in my workspace." "It bothered me more that I had started /to feel some for three felt-covered" "walls and a chair that smelled like Pine-Sol /when it warmed my body temperature." " Uh, what are you doing?" " Are you just getting in?" "Looks that way." "The password is rim-job if you want to get on." "I'm the system administrator, I don't think I need a password, and I don't have to tell you that you are late... /What kind of universe would give /me the power to extract souls" "from peoples body, but still force me /to keep a suck ass job, if I want to eat." "I'm sorry." "I guess 'm still shaken up about the car accident." "My, are you hurt?" "I, uh... clot fast" "I think you should take the rest of the day off." " Really?" " Of course, go home." "Thank you." "Why rimjob?" "It was the name of my..." "hampster when I was growing up." "My grandfather's cat was named "Odd Job"." "Wow." "I wish people were more /complicated, but they are not." "Ahh Delores, am I still going to get paid for today, if I go home?" "Actually... /So Delores lent me her softball /shirt, which wasn't so bad except that human beings have eyeballs..." " Hey." "And mouths." "Are you joining the Heffalumps?" "Maybe it was the uniform, but it did /make me wonder, what team was I on." "...and always be nice to the woman at the DMV." "I told that bitch her weave looked like carpet, and now my social security number pulls up two bankruptcies." "See!" "Don't "see" me, that's a shit's a major violation." "So still loving you day job, peanut?" " I don't know." " Remind me." "Office assistant?" "You got a "Breck girl" thing happening." "I don't know what that means." "It means you got too much stuff on your face." "Fuckable is promotable." "Does anyone what tickets for a hockey game?" " Ooh when?" " Um, 7.30 tonight." " Duuuke." " Two tickets?" "Yup and blue line and parking pass, I think." " DUUUKE." " Who's Duke?" "Pierrot Le Duc." "Took a puck to the head last night." "Concussive brain injury?" " Asphyxiation." " No!" "Didn't have any teeth to stop the thing." " Where did you get the tickets?" " His widow." "How do you know he doesn't have any teeth?" "Now, now." "Reggie, are you even ready yet?" " Take that off." " Why?" "You know why." "That's the dress that my sister /wore to my funeral." " I like this." " You have other clothes." "And those are my pyjamas." "Same stockings, same shoes." "I don't want to have my picture taken." "You're just lucky we are not doing this with my mother." "She used to make us practice smiling before we left the house." "That's because she doesn't like your smile." " Did she tell you that?" " Yeah, she said it was fake." "That bitch." "Ahh yeah, see that's pretty, you're going to need a sweater." "No, I won't." " Did you finish your homework?" " No." "Oh, god." "In 8th grade Grade /Danny Burkoff told me," "if you dropped a penny off the Empire /state building, it could kill someone." "This is how I feel about this." "It doesn't make any sense, /but I still have to try it." "Going home was fucked up, /but I couldn't help myself." "I didn't give a gerbil's ass about /all this crap when I was alive." "Now it all suddenly seems precious." "I remember playing with this /doll in the back yard sandbox," "That smelt like cat piss." "I remember inviting her /to my sixth birthday party," "taking her to the summers /in New Hampshire." "We never went to New Hampshire." "Alright." "Have you stand right there." " I'd prefere to be here." " Oh okay." "Sweetie, right in there." "Oh yeah you look so good." "Alright let's go guys." "And "Wheaties!"" "I never knew much about my sister, /but I do remember she hated Math." "Hey Reggie, Reggie, right here come on give to Monty, give to Monty." "Happy everyone, happy." "Come on Reggie, smile." "Before I could go I had to grab some /clean undies from my old bedroom." "Shit!" "God bless my mom." "If she ever put a bullet through /her head, it probably be labelled." "When I was little, my parents would go /out and leave us with a babysitter," "I would sneak into my mom's closet, /press her dresses to my face" "and breath her in as close as I could." "But there was one smell I didn't /realise I would miss so much, my own." "Dammit, Georgia will you get off your ass and give me a hand?" " Mom?" " Don't let the cat out." "Reggie, those are still clean, hang them up." "I'll probably miss dinner." "I'm so glad we spent all that money on your home office." " It's mid-terms." " That Aeron chair and the Pentium whatever" "Well, just let the girls use it." "Whoops." " She can do her homework on there." "Nice save." "My cell phone's on." "Fuck." "Ahh Shhh....." "Reggie, would you please go get that goddamn sweater?" "!" "You know the story of the princess and the pea?" "It was based on my mom." "I think of cats, stray cats, if you keep putting out the food, they'll keep coming back." "If thinking about your sister is painful, then you have to decide not to, it's up to you." "I know you can do it." " Mom?" " Yes?" "I didn't know if you were still there." "Do you still wear clothes?" "Where do you live now?" "Can I get ten fingers?" "The nails." " This is impossible." " Saps a bitch." " Well, what am I supposed to do?" " Is there some kind of trick?" "Am I supposed to take the tree soul and ask to climb itself and get the guy down?" " Here." " No way." "Wow, it moved." "Ahhh, You throw like a girl." "Can you take tree souls?" "Do trees have souls?" "Don't know." "What about animals?" "Or rocks or if you tried to take a soil's soul." "Don't you ever wonder about this stuff." "I asked Rube once." "Nice." "He says you just don't do it, so I don't." "I went home." "Everybody want to go home, it doesn't make it right." "Nobody saw me." "It's not about them, it's about you." "It's what you see." "Swipe anything?" "It's very tempting to think that the little jewels from our lives will bring it all back, but they don't." "You can't go back." "Are you going to tell Rube?" " Where's Betty?" " Babysitting." " I never had a babysitter." " That doesn't mean you didn't need one." " I'm going to get a pet bird." " Don't get a bird." " Why not?" " Because they're weird." "Man I can't relate to a bird, they are so far removed, they've got different chromosomes, and they come from eggs." " They've got faces." " So do cockroaches." "I mean, what you going to do with a bird?" "Stick it in a cage and feed it, what do you think I'm going to do with it." "I think you should get one that you can eat." "I'm going to get a friend, I'm not going to eat my friend." "They have brains the size of pistachios, it's not smart enough to be your friend." "You don't know what you are talking about." "I saw this special on PBS called "Animal Miracles"" "and they did a dramatic re-enactment of a guy being robbed and he had a parrot or a cockatiel or something and that bird lost its shit when it's owner was attacked, it opened up it's cage..." "Woah, why would you put a bird in a cage if it can open the door?" "Where else are you going to put it?" "It opened up it's cage and went crazy, pecked out the robber eyes, scratched his face, messed his face up like Tippy Hedren or some shit." "And don't tell me that's not friendship." " How big was this parrot?" " I don't know, parrot size." "Well a parrot can't take on a fully grown man, unless this man is a big pussy." "I didn't say the parrot won." "The robber stabbed it with a fork and killed his owner." " The bird is dead." " So why do you want a bird?" "It's not about Homeland security you stupid motherfucker." "I'm going to get a friend." "Jesus." "She wasn't the only one /looking for a friend." "So what are you going to do now?" "I was kind of hoping you were going to tell me." "Oh you are taking to her." "'Cos if you want to get dinner or something." "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm just not up to the whole bonding buddy girl thing, Okay?" "Hard to think what the wrong way /to take that would be." "Hey, I don't want to bond either, just hungry." " Is that the...?" " The great... whatever." "Shut up." "This is Bill Bright reporting /from Route 7." "Controversy continues to build over /the decision to put down the bear." "Animal control has said it was /a matter of policy but Dora's supporters" "contend that the animal /should not be put to death." "It was following it's natural instincts /when it killed two hunger strikers..." "Are you robbing me?" "No there's nothing to fucking rob." "I was dreaming about frogs." " Real ones, or like Kermit?" " Real ones." "I saw a movie about frogs." "They got pissed and they ate a bunch of people on an island." " I think it was called "Frogs!"" " Were they bad people?" "Nah, Nah, they littered or something." "I only like it when bad people die." "I like it when nobody dies, so I don't have to work." " What would happen if everybody died?" " What do you mean?" "Like if we were the only ones left." "Oh, like if the frogs ate everyone on the planet?" "Yeah!" "I reckon we'd be shovelling a lot of frog shit." "Did you shovel frog shit in your dream?" "No." "The frog was carrying me on his back over a river of lava." "A frog?" "Yeah." "I have to go." "I've got a business meeting." "Got to get our ducks in a row, fine-tune the language." "You know what I mean." "You know, you should really do something with this place." "I've been in crack houses with more style." " Do you need this back?" " No." "Cheers." "Hello, Hi I don't know if you got the email, but Harry F in Web Design is moving to corporate." "We are all meeting in here for cake." "I'm pretty sure they put mind control /pills in the water cooler," "because I'm actually a little excited." "Can you cover the phones?" "Oh." "Michael's already group-forwarded to voice-mail, but the main line will ring through to your extension, Okay?" "Yeah." "Little moments like that prove to me /that there is some kind of all powerful," "all knowing force, that controls /everything in the" "universe and it is so fucking bored, /it will actually take" "time out to orchestrate a petty /let-down like that." "It's not that I even cared about /the cake or conversation." "The latest Java patch is completely kick-ass." "But I guess standing outside /all that bullshit," "I started to realise how warm and safe /that bull shit might actually feel." "You know the sad thing here is that you can't come up with an original way to act out." "I don't have the television." "If you are testing me Reg, you are going to lose." "I don't care what you do." "You can set the car on fire, eat the cat." "I will not give you extra attention because you won't let go of this." "If there is any poetry in being a reaper," "it's in combining the business of taking /souls with the pleasure of making money." "If you can get a little /self awareness too," "then you are the walt fucking /Whitman of reapers." "When you deliver critism, are you direct or tactful?" "I'm telling the truth?" "Tactful." "You consider yourself to be reasonable or exceptionally kind?" "Uh... exceptionally kind." "Well I'm not particularly reasonable." "Fine." "Kind, me too." "Do you tend to see the trees or the forest?" " Well, how many trees?" " Well how many do you want?" "Well in Chinese there is a symbol that is a tree and it means tree but if there are two of them it means forest, so...." "Uh..." "Trees." " Why what do you see?" " The forest." "Okay, how do I look really?" " Swarthy." " Well is that good?" " Depends on if you like swarthy." " Do you like swarthy?" "Not particularly." "Okay." "Hey don't put me down as trees, okay?" "Okay." "Give me the damn bag." "You're an N.F. You are an intuitive feeler." "You trust your intuition, you yearn for romance, and you prize meaningful relationships." "What?" "Like he's an intuitive thinker." "N.T. s are the worse." "Arggg." "I'll take that cheers." "Excuse me mister dead guy." "On a long airplane trip, if you are seated next to someone, do you prefer to make conversation or read a book?" "One soul and fourteen hundred /dollars later, it was time for lunch." "They wouldn't even let me talk to a human being." " I'm going to change banks." " You have to press 0" "You think I don't know to press 0?" "Sometimes it's star" "You know what, computers are going to like take over the whole world." "Never happen." "Computers won't get smarter than people." "I think they already are." "Yeah, when a computer looses it with a meter maid, no offence, or kills it's self because it thinks its too fat, then I will believe in artificial intelligence." "This juice tastes funny." "Tastes like Fresca." "Hi." "Know what you want?" " Yeah, Banana Bonanza..." " I heard you went home again." " Wheat toast..." " Big fucking mistake." " ... and a glass of water." " I'm a reasonable George, so, I'm supposed to say right." "I'll come back." "I'm a reasonable man George, even though you flip me off." "Um... you frustrate me peanut." "If I hear you have any contact with your old life again, you will have a torment down upon you that you cannot imagine." "Cheque please." "I know that's supposed to scare me, but I can't think of anything what possibly could be worse than what's already happened." "Oh I was only joking." "I'm sorry." " We'll take it." " Oh could you add a grapefruit juice." " Then she's got to go back." " And?" "So you get it to go out." "Has anyone got two fives?" " Oh could you cover me?" " Yes." "One for you and you and you and you." " Again?" " Here you go." "You give her a ride." "Chris, Ally they're still waiting for conformation for a powerful tranquilizer used to sedate Dora has taken full effect." "When that happens the plan is to move her out of the cage and into that trailer where she will make the ride to Animal controls folding facility... fuck..." "I'm sorry." "Alright holding facility, go again Chris, Ally they're still..." "So what's your guess?" "How do you think it's going to happen?" "Professor in the library with a candlestick?" "Parking brake on the truck fails, the truck runs into other gas pump as the antenna tower sparks the lights on the canopy." "Is it like a reaper thing to take the long shot?" "I could be getting something done today." "There's a man in a cage with a barely sedated bear." "V. Kostakovich." "What?" "It's not possible." "Whether or not that show of support will be enough to prevent Dora from being put down remains to be seen." "This is Bill Bright reporting from Route 7." "Got it." "Nice job." "What time is it?" "You smell like garbage." "It's always such a relief when I get to my name." " It's hard to mess up." " You should hear my real name." " Kostakovich!" " Huh?" "Roll tape." "Roll tape." "Were rolling." "Great." "What started as a typical animal rights protest has escalated to a dangerous." "This is Bill Bright reporting from Route 7." "Uh Bill." "Bill?" "Bill?" "I know a couple of things," "I know that a few hours from now /somebody will be standing" "in this guy's closet, /smelling his shirts." "Trying to reconnect." "And I know where that bear is going." "She's going in search of the /relationship all of us are trying" "to recreate in one way..." "or another." "You would think that since /I know so much about everything," "I wouldn't do what /I'm about to do." "Yeah?" "I could do this." "It was no big deal." "After all, reapers look /different to the living." "Do you want something?" " How are you?" " Okay." "Good." "I'm a friend of your mom's." "I like your hair like this." "What are you doing?" "Get in the house." "I remember you." "The yard sale." " You should leave." " Joy?" " I don't have time for this." " Please!" " No." " MOM!" "What!" "I figured I wouldn't have /a load of time at this point" "so I worked out just /the right thing to say." "It was supposed to go like this..." "When I was five I had an imaginary friend named Broccoli Bee and you took out one of your steno pads and we wrote a story with picture on one side and words on the other." " Georgia?" "" " But it kind of looked like this..." "When I was five." "I... um..." "I... um." "I had a friend and." "Um..." "I... um." "That's it, that's all /that would come out." "Get out." "I had lots of other things /to say but somehow" "they all kind of melted into a fine mist." "Mom on the other hand." "You are a real fucking piece of work, arn't you?" "Get out!" "get the fuck out of here!" "You think you can just show up here and pull this kind of shit?" "!" "Do you know what it feels like to loose a daughter?" "Get your skinky ass out of here!" "That's right!" "You run bitch!" "Thanks." "Mm-hmm." "Are you going to tell him?" "If you don't." "I know the menu like a first phone number, still have to read it to know what I want." "Can I get a number 6?" "Want this?" "I went home again." "Pass me a napkin." "You lose anything?" "Memories?" "I don't know." "I tried to tell my mom a story and... now I can't even remember what it was." "Its' cruel and simple, /the more I held onto my life" "the less there was to hold on to." "So... my whole life... evrything..." "All I get to keep are thoughts and memories?" "It's all we have peanut." "I'll se you in the morning?" "Yeah." "At the end of the day /all you have are your experiences." "I spent so much of my life /avoiding experiences," "I didn't have much to lose." "I was just thinking that maybe /I'd done the whole thing wrong," "when breakfast came."