"(funky disco plays) ♪ My name is Cleveland Brown" "♪ And I am proud to be" "♪ Right back in my hometown" "♪ With my new family" "♪ There's old friends and new friends ♪" "♪ And even a bear" "♪ Through good times and bad times ♪" "♪ It's true love we share" "♪ And so I found a place" "♪ Where everyone will know" "♪ My happy mustached face" "♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪" "== sync, corrected by elderman == (chuckles)" "♪ The Cleveland Show 4x22 ♪ Crazy Train Original Air Date on May 19, 2013" "What are you doing here?" "Had to return some of mom's clothes." "Me and the guys had some high jinks that got canceled." "Car looks good." "It better." "Lowrider show's next weekend." "The How Low Can You Low Lowrider Convention?" "That's right." "And this year, I think" "I'm gonna get a chance to meet Diselle." "Who's Diselle?" "Only the greatest bikini car model to ever lean on a lowrider." "She practically invented bending over the hood." "She sounds beautiful." "I remember the first time you went." "Seems like it was just yesterday." "Dad, can I go with you to the car show?" "No." "Okay." "Can I help you fix the car?" "No." "Who's he?" "That's you when you get older." "Hi." "Wait a minute." "I'm talking to myself in 1977." "Listen to me:" "take $1,000-- steal it if you have to-- and buy Apple stock." "Applesauce?" "No!" "Stock in Apple." "It's a company." "I'm buying applesauce." "No!" "Dang." "But I do like applesauce." "Either way, good investment." "Hand me that socket wrench on the bench." "Really?" "Just grab it for me." "No, that's the bang-bang one." "(sucking air through teeth)" "Thanks." "He said, "Thanks"!" "And then?" "And then?" "It's the first time he's ever let me in." "Not just into his garage but into his life." "We were building that car together." "If I didn't so expertly hand him that socket wrench, who knows what would have happened?" "Nothing?" "Who cares?" "Something?" "Look, I think it's nice that you two had a moment today, but I don't want you... (cell phone rings)" "Oh, hey, Dad." "I had fun today." "I see." "I am." "I will." "I were." "Good-bye." "(phone beeps)" "Oh, baby, what did he say?" "He was calling to let me know" "(begins to yell): that he's going to the junkyard today and he wants me to come along with him to help find parts for the car, and I probably should have started being louder later in the sentence, but I don't care" "because in your face!" "Junior, it's pretty creepy that you still come to this park." "I like to come for the 30 or 40 simultaneous quinceañeras each weekend." "You'd be surprised how much ownership they take of a public space." "(festive music playing)" "(grunting)" "(clanking and beeping in distance)" "(beeping, whirring)" "Look at that dump truck." "Look at that cement mixer." "Oh, they got a Broderson IC-80?" "(whistles)" "This is a big-money project." "(glass breaks)" "(laughing)" "Why are you picking on that one?" "That thing broke down for the last time." "We're getting rid of it." "Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got some late '80s Playboys to look at." "This is pretty cool." "(engine starts)" "(screaming)" "Calm down, dumb-ass." "I fixed it." "Oh, no, no, yeah, yeah." "So, how'd you do it?" "Every boy under the age of seven knows everything about trucks and dinosaurs." "And then we forget it all when we discover Star Wars." "And later, boobies." "Let's take it for a spin." "But how do we get it out of here?" "Leave that to me." "I've got what doctors call a "fat, middle-aged, construction worker build."" "Hey, Mack." "Hey, Bub." "I'm gonna take this to get washed." "Great." "I'm gonna sweat profusely and get very little done." "(whooping)" "(laughing)" "(cat meows)" "A cat stuck in a tree?" "Aw, it looks scared." "It's a scaredy cat." "Oh, that's what that means." "(meows)" "(cries)" "(Cleveland Jr. meowing)" "(meows)" "(both chuckle)" "Thank you, magical giraffe." "(chuckling)" "Now, let's get this back to the site and see if there's a jackhammer we can pogo around town on." "We're not taking old Cherry back." "You saw what she did." "She can help people!" "And I know exactly where to hide her." "Hey, Junior, now hide me!" "(chuckles)" "(sniffs)" "Aw, come on, dog." "Why you gotta do me like that?" "Hello, Donna." "I take it you two had a good time?" "Who?" "My father and I?" "Oh, yes, yes, yes, I suppose it was fun." "But not as fun as we'll be having next weekend when we go to the lowrider convention together!" "Paced it right that time." "He invited you?" "Something's real fishy here." "This is the new Freight Train." "You're like a stripper, Donna;" "you just won't accept change." "Dad!" "You want to come sit in our marital bed?" "Scooch, woman!" "I hope I wasn't interrupting anything." "Nah." "It's not Thursday evening or Saturday after cartoons." "You got any peanut butter?" "Your mother won't let me keep any in the house." "Mom's stupid." "I hate her and like you now." "Take what you want." "Why didn't you just go to the store?" "There's a peanut butter store?" "Them squirrels lied to me." "Cleveland, your father's acting very odd." "Acting odd is what made Jim Carrey a star for five years." "Who?" "(phone rings)" "Hello?" "One second." "Cleveland, wake up." "Is it Saturday?" "!" "Did I miss the cartoons?" "!" "I'm ready!" "It's your mother." "Well, there goes the 'rection." "(sweetly):" "Hi, Mommy." "We'll be right there!" "(tires screech)" "Oh, thank God!" "He's crazy!" "I don't know how he got the peanut butter." "I threw it all out." "What's the peanut butter all about?" "It's about protection!" "So they can't get into my memories." "Peanut butter is nature's tinfoil." "Who's they?" "Those damn octopuses on the sky chariots." "I don't see 'em." "That's because there's nothing there." "Oh, thank God." "I thought I needed glasses." "How stupid would I look in glasses?" "(nerdy voice):" "Uh, I added more RAM to my floppy drive." "I told you he was acting crazy!" "Being so nice to you." "LAVAR:" "Watch out!" "Here come the octo-chariots from Targzissia!" "Daddy gone Bonanzas." "I'll blast 'em for you, Dad!" "Pyoo!" "Pyoo!" "I got 'em!" "You can come down now." "Thank you for saving my life." "I love you, son." "(Cleveland hums happily)" "Did you hear that?" "!" "My dad says he loves me!" "All right, gotta go light up my butt fuse for extra power." "Light it!" "I'm never gonna forget this night." "Well, as you can see, the wall is blocked." "That's why we're not getting any flow." "Could you remove the wall?" "Oh, I've thought of that, but it's too risky." "Unless I put the steam shower here." "Dr. Fist, can we talk about Freight Train for a moment?" "Oh, I guess I'll continue to take regular showers like some fat woman." "His brain looks fine, so we can rule out anything serious." "That's good, right?" "Oh, definitely." "It means you can laugh out loud at his mental illness and not have to try to hide it." "(EKG beeping) Yeah, blow that jazz, daddy-o." "(laughs)" "You see?" "What a lunatic." "So then he can come home?" "Unfortunately, we won't know what's causing this until we get back his toxicology report." "Ah, here it is." "Thank you, Freddy." "(reads to himself)" "Mr. Brown, were you on heart medication?" "Yeah." "And were you taking anything for erectile dysfunction?" "I was ordering pills online from Canada." "Viagr-ehses." "Uh-huh." "And what about the male enhancement supplement ExtenZe?" "No." "But I was taking the generic version, LongerZe." "I've also been taking prenatal vitamins to make me younger, stem cells from a shark, like Jason Street, and I ate the DVD of Limitless." "Now I'm a karate man!" "Hyuh!" "Wha-ah!" "Taxi!" "(EKG steady tone)" "Well, it's just as I suspected." "Your father created a dangerous cocktail of drugs." "You see, they're like 22-year-old girls;" "individually they'll do wonders for you, but when you put them all together in the back of a limo to Atlantic City, you're liable to go crazy." "Do you do that?" "I make a lot of money." "Well, from now on, he can't take any more medication." "That should get him back to normal." "So, if he stops now, how long till he's back to normal?" "Two or three days." "Until then, I recommend he be placed in, oh, you know, um..." "Do you remember, in the Batman movies, where the Joker lived?" "We never saw his primary residence." "He's talking about the nuthouse, Cleveland." "No!" "No nut!" "I'll take care of him in my house." "What?" "!" "No what!" "Don't you see?" "I've got to cram all the father-son bonding we never had into three days, and then when he's back to normal, he'll remember how good it felt." "Let's get back to our game." "Duck." "Duck." "Duck." "Duck." "Goose!" "(yelling gibberish)" "(laughs) Can't be beat!" "25 and six!" "Rallo, this town needs us." "See that right there?" "That's a Frisbee-brand flying disc a boy probably lost two years ago." "And there's a teddy bear, no doubt thrown up there by a mean older brother." "And isn't that your friend Murray?" "Hey, Rallo!" "Yeah, he likes to stare at the college dorms from up there." "We're the only ones who can help them." "And we've got nothing..." "else... to do." "I'm back!" "(in deep voice):" "For revenge!" "(gasps)" "(giggling)" "I'm kidding." "I've been to Heaven." "It's beautiful!" "GIRL:" "My Frisbee!" "And broken glass!" "Thank you, Magical Giraffe!" "(laughs) I, uh, I-I was waving my wiener at police helicopters, and I fell asleep." "(engine idling)" "(engine revving)" "How's it going with your dad?" "Why don't you check the video I posted to UTube just now and see?" "Nice throw, son!" "Thanks, Dad!" "(cooing)" "They're gaining on us!" "Here, I'll help you!" "Now we shave down there." "Wow, this has 10,000 views?" "I can't stop watching it." "FREIGHT TRAIN:" "Look out the window!" "Rallo and Junior are riding a magical giraffe!" "Love you, Crazy!" "That's right." "You get a shiny coat this way." "You know who else has a shiny coat?" "Steve Harvey." "Mm-hmm." "And I bought you a lifetime supply of Turtle Wax-- one bottle." "(truck engine approaching)" "We got company." "The construction company, specifically." "Those big hairy brutes want to take my Cherry!" "Hold on, let's see if it's just two kids who stole a truck." "Nope." "Uh-oh." "Yes?" "Good afternoon, ma'am." "I'm a construction worker, so first of all, nice cans, toots." "Well, thank you." "Second of all, are these your sons?" "Son and stepson, yes." "Why?" "They stole a cherry picker from our site, and we need it back so we can junk it. (chuckles)" "That thing's worth more scrapped than alive." "I think I'd notice a stolen truck around here." "I'm the head of this household, and I pay attention to..." "Bye, Mom." "Off to the library." "Study hard." "Look, lady, where are your boys right now?" "Well, they're out back playing in the tree house that we've never had." "And now it's gone!" "(grunting)" "Drive, Rallo!" "Drive till your thumb and forefinger ache!" "I'm up high!" "BOTH:" "So are we!" "(to the tune of "Car Wash"):" "♪ At the car show" "♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, at the car show, yeah ♪" "♪ Mm, mm." "I didn't know any songs with "lowrider" in it." "But, re-irregardless, the car show is today." "And don't worry." "I got plenty of peanut butter for protection." "Peanut butter?" "!" "Do I look like George Washington Carver?" "I don't know." "Hmm." "Kind of." "Huh." "I should remember that for Halloween." "Out of my way, dummy." "Dummy?" "!" "Why are you repeating what I'm saying, fatty?" "Fuh-Fuh-Fuh-Fuh-Fatty?" "!" "Oh, no!" "My fuh-fuh-fuh-father's regained his fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh sanity." "Well, this is not going to make our trip as much fun, but..." "Our trip?" "My trip." "Oh, fuh-fuh-fuh... darn!" "MALE ANNOUNCER:" "Hel-lowriders!" "Want to give a big shout-out to all the cholos and cholas, all the brothers and sisters and that one white guy, who are competing for the chance to be crowned the Lowest of the Low." "If you think that's you, then raise 'em where I can see 'em." "(loud, hydraulic whirring and clunking)" "♪ Yes, I'm the only one" "♪ Who walks across the fire for you. ♪" "No brakes." "Got to keep it low!" "Broke the door." "Got to Luke Duke it in and out of here." "Cleveland, what the hell are you doing here?" "I'm entering my car." "Check out my grill-- George Foreman." "Plugged it into the battery." "Hit a couple rabbits on the way here." "Ate 'em." "Don't feel well." "What is tetanus?" "You don't belong here." "But I love lowriders, just like you." "Matter of fact, I hope we see a Highyunday, a K.I.A., a Chee-vai... (grunts) Yeah, yeah." "Or maybe a Mazz-da, or a Fard, a Cahdillick, a Suh-tern, a pike-oop troock." "Oh, come on!" "You know how to say "pickup truck!"" "Look at all those corses." "Cleveland, I don't want you here." "I came here without you for a reason." "You suck and I can't stand you." "That's two reasons." "(sighs)" "(engine starts, Cleveland cries) ♪ I'm the only one who'll drown in... ♪" "I wonder how long would it take for our pee to hit the ground." "I don't know." "I found those kids!" "What?" "I'm sorry." "I mean, "dose" kids." "Oh, right over "dere"!" "Get 'em!" "Oh, God, they found us." "Those blue-collar maniacs are after the property we stole from them!" "Their dirty fingernails are coming after us!" "Let's go!" "(whirring)" "Are they gaining on us?" "No." "They're still exactly where they were." "(engine sputtering)" "What's happening?" "We're running out of gas." "If only that would happen to you." "I know." "(sad fart sound)" "We can't let 'em crush Cherry into scrap metal that'll be turned into wheelchairs for returning veterans!" "Wait!" "I've got an idea!" "(engine sputtering)" "She died." "No." "I stopped her." "Children of Stoolbend, this is Cherry, your Magical Giraffe!" "(children cheering)" "And those men want to kill her!" "You stole it." "We saved it!" "Children, Red Rover positions!" "♪ Fah who for-aze" "♪ Dah who dor-aze..." "You'll have to crush us to get Cherry!" "Hey, Jack, quick cost-benefit analysis." "What happens if we crush the kids?" "PR nightmare for two weeks, then America returns to watching The Voice." "Still, some of those kids are ours." "All right, kids, you've got your Magical Giraffe." "(cheering)" "(birds squawking, chatter of children)" "It was a long, short road to get here, but we did something." "You're right, Junior." "We really... did something." "All right, give it up for Gus the Bartender!" "I don't have hydraulics." "Those were ghosts in there." "Now give it up for our next contestant, Mr. Cleveland Brown!" "(tires squeak) Cleveland, what are you doing here?" "I thought I told you to go home." "Yeah, well, my lowrider's gonna beat your lowrider." "I paid a couple of laughing Mexican guys to soup up my Dadge Strotus." "Huh?" "How about that?" "I call this one "The Sports Bra." Bounce!" "Who's laughing now, besides me and the Mexicans?" "Oh, you want to see more?" "I call this, "Christina Hendricks is Late For The Bus."" "(applause, cheering and whistling)" "My crannium!" "My bones and musculature!" "My crannium!" "My bones and musculature!" "My crannium!" "If I dies, I dies." "Hey, this guy took a car in the head!" "Cleveland!" "Cleveland!" "(echoing):" "Cleveland!" "I'm calling 911!" "I ain't waiting on them!" "Oh, but, Freight Train, if you leave now, you'll be disqualified!" "I was almost disqualified already, but my boy didn't give up on me and put me in the nuthouse." "He took me into his home, cared for me, bath'd me, washed what made him." "And I'm not gonna give up on him." "This is the first time I've ever picked up my boy." "(grunting)" "(panting)" "Damn, he's fat!" "(grunting)" "Is this the lowrider?" "But... but it's a show car." "Then let's show 'em what it can do." "(tires squealing)" "Diselle!" "I finally got her on my hood." "Oh, well." "(whimpering, panting)" "(boing)" "(rhythmic beeping) Where am I?" "In the hospital." "Good." "How did I get here?" "Wait." "Did you drive me here?" "What?" "!" "That's plumb dumb." "I had a auto show to win." "See?" "If I drove you, how could I have won this?" "That's clearly a homemade prize you made." "Shut up, fool!" "You drove me." "== sync, corrected by elderman =="