"JEWISH REPORTER" "Good morning, Mrs Silverman." "I don't know what's good about it." "More innocent Jews lost their lives last week at the hands of your people." "All criminals." "ART GALLERY SILVERMAN" "Come on." "Play on." "Thank you." " How does it go?" "Thank you, headmistress." "OK, play on." "Keep going." "That's it for today." "Stupid, or what?" "Play properly." " You lost the ball!" "Being cocky, are you?" " Stop it." "This poof lost us the match!" " I'm not gay." " That's enough!" "Which side are you on, Cousin Khaled?" " Kemal." "Kemal." "FAMILY COMMITMENTS" "What is this?" " Mummy, what are you doing here?" "What's this Arab crap doing here?" "In my house." "It's an outrage." "Khaled's father gave him that when he was born." "The "Eye of Fatima"." "Are you nuts?" "It's such heartache for a mother." "I'll never hold a grandchild in my arms." "My own son a feygele and, to top it all, with an Arab!" "What did I do to deserve this?" "I love Khaled and you won't change that." "And drop that silly Yiddish." "The language of our forefathers is not silly." "I cherish it." "I'm even taking lessons." "At night school." "Leave the key." " I've put your shirts away." "What just happened mustn't happen in your exam, Mr Aledrissi." "Mrs Spoonbill." "That was a clear case of homophobia." "You must address it." "I just want you to pass." "You don't have anything against gays?" " Me?" "No." "It's hot in here." "It's a jungle out there." "You have to be a predator to survive." "A tiger." "I can show you how." "I'm sure of that..." "Mrs Spoonbill." "I have to go and teach." "Nils." "Nils." "Nils!" "Struggled with the empty canvas all night again?" "Piss off!" "You wouldn't dare." "How did it go?" " He threw a bottle at me." "Don't put up with his theatrics." " What can I do?" "Nils is our best artist." " The only one." "These fabric collages aren't doing so well." "A pity, I like them." "Maier rang again." "He wants to call by." " No way." "Nils hasn't painted a single stroke yet." "Oh God!" " What's that?" "Just two weeks to go." " What?" "It's fake." "I've got an audition." "It's my preparation." " Really?" "You haven't filmed in ages." " I haven't been paid for ages." "You know how things are right now." "Oh, the coffee!" "Why do we need 60 kilos of coffee..." "for 3,000 euros?" "60 kilos for the price of 40." "To create an ambience for our clients." "You'll never grasp it." "Bills, nothing but bills." "Oh, Hayat," "I have to do everything by myself." "The restaurant, the children..." "Who's this?" "Hello, Baba." "What's up?" "Our landlords are dead." " What?" "That's terrible." " The house belongs to the Jewish Community now." "They're terminating our lease." "Look, signed "Lea Silverman"." "Lea Silverman." "That's the mother of Khaled's... flatmate." "Darling." "You didn't forget." " Our second anniversary!" "I'm so glad we found each other." " I feel the same." "You're the best man in the world." "These are beautiful." "You've bought yourself another new suit?" "Not just myself." "Lots of love on our anniversary." "Outrageous!" "I fixed everything all these years." "The pipes, the electricity, walls." "And now!" " I know, the house would be a ruin, if it weren't for you." "Why didn't you extend the lease?" " Don't nit-pick." "We have to talk to Khaled." "I paid for his studies, so he has to help me." "Sure it's such a good idea to just show up at Khaled's?" "Allah, Allah, what did I do wrong?" "Why is my own daughter against me?" "You look great, darling." "Do you think so?" "Isn't it a bit tight?" "No, it fits perfectly." "It must've cost a fortune." "Nothing is too expensive for you." "Because..." "Do you remember?" "How could I forget that night?" "A shit song." " Shit song." "David." "Khaled Abdul Kassabah Aledrissi, the last two years have been the best of my life." "So I want to ask you... will you marry me?" "Khaled." " Baba!" "Why are you here?" " I must speak to you." "What is it?" "What's with the funny suit?" "I was looking for something to wear when I gain official teacher status and thought I'd borrow a suit from David." "It doesn't look nice." "It looks gay." " I like it." "You're right, Baba." "Thanks, David, but I'll look for something plainer." "A golden opportunity to show your true colours." "Khaled, you have to look at this letter." "Yes, Baba." "Sorry." ""We hope you understand." "Kind regards, Lea Silverman."" "That's David's mother." "I'll talk to her." "I'll come with you." " No." "You go home and I'll be in touch." "That was delicious, especially the dessert." "The good of our community is very close to my heart." "Mrs Silverman." "Did you write this letter?" " Who are you?" "This is my father." "It's about your letter to him." "You can't just terminate my lease." "I certainly can." "There's a term to this lease." "The term has expired." " All lies." ""All lies." World conspiracy, right?" "The Jews are always to blame." " Lea, let's be objective." "I'm a simple man who eams an honest living." " Yes." "And uses the money to support Hamas." "Who then send their suicide bombers to Jerusalem to kill our people." " That's rubbish!" "I'm a pacifist." "I want nothing to do with you militants." "Baba." " Why does your wife have to wear a headscarf?" "She's still a child." "He's my father!" "What I wear on my head has nothing to do with you." "Come on, we're going, Baba." " Yes, we're going." "But you haven't heard the last of this, Mrs Silverman." "The things one has to tolerate outside one's own front door." "It's unbelievable." "Come on, Schlomo." "Sorry, darling." "It wasn't the right moment." "It seemed the perfect opportunity." "I have to tell him gently." "Anyway, your mother's messed things up." "My mother?" "What's my mother got to do with it?" "My father's landlords have left the place to the Jewish Community represented by your mother." "She wants to throw him out." "What's that to do with you coming out?" " David." "You know what's at stake." "My family matters to me." "Your family..." "I'm sick of it!" "So what am I?" " You?" "Yes." "You, David, are the love of my life." "Oh, Khaled." "I can't take it anymore." "All this hiding." "We can never kiss in public or cuddle in the cinema." "What can I do?" "Come out, Khaled." "I asked you a simple question earlier." "Yes or no?" "Hello, David." " Do we know each other?" "We met last autumn at an exhibition at the Jewish Museum in Berlin." ""Get Lost."" " Sorry?" "The title of the exhibition." "Oh, yes, I remember." "Hannah, isn't it?" "Sarah." " Sarah, exactly." "A budding painter?" " Yes." "Sorry, come in." "I'm a bit all over the place at the moment." "This is Khaled." "Sarah." "We know each other from Berlin." " Hello, Sarah." " Hi." "Hang on, I'll help you with your rucksack." "When's it due?" " In two weeks." "Lovely." "Boy or a girl?" " A boy." "Great photos." " Yes, those were the days." "When anything seemed possible." "Can I get you a drink?" " Water." "Thanks." "Who's the lucky man?" "He doesn't know he's the father yet." "Then it's time he does, right?" "That's why I'm here." "Oh, he lives in Hanover?" "You didn't want to go directly to him?" "I see." "I didn't dare phone in advance." "I want to give the baby up for adoption but I need the father's signature." "Oh dear!" "You're the father." "What?" "Khaled, she's lying." "I'm 100% gay." "Nothing happens with me around women." "Thanks." "Mental blackout, right?" "I'm so sorry to just burst in like this." "It must be a huge shock for you both." "What mental blackout?" "We were at this exhibition, then we went to this bar and then..." "Yes?" "Mental blackout." "So, what happened?" "We went to this party." "And someone gave us MDMA." "And then we went to this fetish club." "You went to a fetish club with her?" " So?" "Nothing happened." "Well..." "I wanted to prove to you that you weren't gay but a bit bi." "It wasn't such a good idea." "I went to the adoption office and they asked who the father is." "They persuaded me to ask you whether or not you want the baby." "I most definitely don't." " So I need you to sign the adoption papers." "Enough for now." "I'll call you a taxi." "I want a paternity test first." "No way!" "The girl's staying here." "Mummy, what are you doing here?" " That's not how I brought you up." "I'm Lea Silverman." " Sarah." "Sarah Finkelstein." "Finkelstein." "That's fate." " You can't be serious, Mummy." "Stop interfering in my business!" "Schmendrick, calm down." "I was delivering your washing." "She washes our underpants?" " I can't get them so soft." "Don't worry, child, we'll sort it out." "Do your parents know?" " They're dead." "Oh, I'm sorry." "You stay here for now." " And where do we sleep?" "Do your mother a favour and sleep with Sarah." "It was fine the first time." "Who knows, maybe you're not gay." " Khaled." "Bastard." "Mummy, this can't go on." "You can't keep sneaking in here." "Give me back the keys, please." "I'll leave you two alone now." "'m sure you have lots to talk about." "Alba, do you have to?" "The Germans are so strict with their non-smoking law." "The non-believers' laws don't count." "Khaled, I was against you living with this Jew." "Now look what they're doing to us." "Not now, Alba." "Today we're celebrating." "You're much too lax with him." "When are you going to present a wife to your father?" "Khaled, it's time you did." "Mohammed is much younger than you." "I don't have time." "I've got my teaching exam soon." "Exam?" "You don't need an exam for a wedding and making children." "Your mother would be tuming in her grave." "Hear about Abu Hemidi's third son?" "The boy's a luti." "He was caught with a German man." " A luti?" "Poor Abu." "That's so very hard for a father." "Are you nuts, you moron?" "Since when do you wear a headscarf?" " Mind your own business." "Stop it!" " What's with your hair?" "Nothing." " Nothing?" "Stop it!" "I was at the hairdresser's." "Interesting..." "Bold." " Bold?" "I like it." "With the headscarf you look like Mum." "Dad said that, too." "He keeps on at me about getting married." "If he only knew!" "Is David very pissed off with you?" " No, but I am with him." "He cheated on me." "What?" " With a 19-year-old girl." "Isn't he gay, then?" " He's gay." "Apparently it was down to drugs." "So gays on drugs shag women?" "No." "It's all a bit more complicated." "The girl's pregnant... by David." "Crass." " Yes." "It's not so bad." "You've always wanted a child." "Not like this." " Then how?" "The chances of you getting pregnant are relatively small." "Mummy, what are you doing here again?" " Sarah and I have an appointment." "About the paternity test." " Is that legal?" "Want to know whether you're the father?" " Of course." "Well then." "Hello, maestro..." "Working hard already?" "Piss off!" "I'm fucking!" "You will paint something today?" "Yes!" "Moming." " Moming." "Khaled..." "I really don't know how that happened with Sarah." "But if it's true, I wish I could undo it." "I'm really sorry." "Even if I am the father, it doesn't change anything." "The child is being given up for adoption." "I don't know what's worse: that you shagged her, drunk and without a condom or that you're disowning the child." "It's not the child's fault." " But I don't want a child." "Who would look after the baby?" " We would." "I could change my contract to part-time to be here two days a week." "Your schedule's flexible." "Us as parents, daddy and pa?" "Yes, daddy and pa." "Why not?" "It's a golden opportunity." "I mean, what are the chances of us being able to adopt?" "You'd have to come out." "Yes, I would." " And that won't happen." "I can't give you any information." "Oh, here's Mr Silverman!" "I'll hand you over, Dr Herford." "One moment." " I'll call him back." "The bank wants to freeze your account." "You have to sort it out now." "Hello, Dr Herford." "What's it about?" "The debt advice appointment was yesterday?" "I'm sorry, it was in my diary for next week." "What letters?" "I haven't received any." "I must talk to my accountant..." "Frozen?" "That's a bit harsh, Dr Herford." "I can pay it all off in a few days." "Hans-Joachim, hello." "This is Lea." "Fine, thanks." "Yourself?" "How's Roswitha?" "Good." "What's the boy been up to now?" "Gone overdrawn on his Junior Saver account?" "How much are we talking about altogether?" "50,000." "I'll settle it." "I'll have a quick word with David and he'll get right back to you." "Thanks." "You too." "Bye." "Mummy, I told him I'd settle it soon." "Could I have a brief word with my son in private?" "Dr Goldstein says the result is definite." "You are the father." "It's a terrible accident." "Be quiet, David!" "It's a sign from HaShem." "He guided your shmok to where it belongs." "Sarah is Jewish." "That's fate." "No, it's just bad luck." "I've never wanted a child." " We can raise it together." "Most certainly not." "We're doing nothing together." "Anyway, I have to take care of the gallery." "David, grow up." "The gallery is a distraction." "It's a money pit." " You've no idea." "I'm on the brink of success." "I discovered Nils and got him an exhibition in New York." "To quote you, Nils is "a gold mine"." "The bum loafing about in the attic?" "He's using you." "Wake up, David." " This is absurd." "Wait, don't go." "You know I do all I can for you." "But not if you disown our own flesh and blood." "David, I'm sure you'd be a good father." "But for that your business must do well." "So I'll help you." "You mean you'll bribe me." "Either you go out of business or you take the baby." "It's a no-brainer." "OK, I'll take it." "But as soon as I've sold the pictures I'll repay you." " Of course, my child." "Oh, Hayat..." "Life is so unfair." "Mr Aledrissi." "Peer Oswald, a friend of Khaled and David." "The lawyer!" "Khaled told me about you." "Faisal Aledrissi." "Please, sit down." "Thank you for coming." "Tea?" " Yes, I'd love some." "Alba!" "Bring us tea!" "Get your own tea!" "Who do you think you are?" "One tea coming up." "I've seen the letter from my colleague Mrs Silverman." "I'm afraid the situation is very clear." "You didn't extend and the other side has given notice." "But the Rosenthals always said," ""Mr Aledrissi, you can remain our tenant for life."" "Yes, but we need something in writing." "I've got a lot of postcards and letters from the Rosenthals." "I suggest you look through those at your leisure and when you've found something, get in touch." "Oh, thanks." " Are you two sexting?" "Not quite." "News." "David really is the father." " Crass." "What now?" "Now it gets serious." "If I don't come out David will give the baby away." "So combine the bad and the good news." ""Dad, I'm going to be a father." "But I'm the mum."" "Very funny." "You know what Dad's like." "It'll break his heart." "Then we'll only be able to meet in secret." " Yes, it's a pain." "But you won't get rid of me." "You're so nuts." "Oh, hi." "What are you doing here?" "I'm applying for art school." "I wanted to mount my pictures here." "Nils said it would be OK." " No problem." "Where is Nils?" "He's just left." "He had an appointment." " I see." "Is everything OK?" " Everything's fine." "Do you happen to have the adoption papers here for me to sign?" "Are you sure you don't want the baby?" " 100 per cent." "You and Khaled would be great parents." "And you a great mother." " I'm much too young." "And I'm much too gay." "Sarah, believe me, it's best for the child." "If you say so." "This is between you and me." "Khaled, I have a question." " What's that?" "I enrolled on this prenatal course today." "You have to take your partner." "There's no point asking David." " You're right there." "Would you come with me?" "Me?" "Forget it." "Sorry..." " No, wait." "I understand." "No one's really thrilled about the child, apart from David's mother." "And me." "Of course I'll come." "Gladly." "Why don't you want the baby?" " I'm still a child myself." "And I'm applying for a scholarship in New York." "I can't show up with a baby." "Hayat, the Rosenthals were good people." "Not like this snake Silverman." "What beautiful handwriting Mrs Rosenthal had." "Like paintings." "Get out." "And now to you, my friend." "Produce some stuff immediately or we're all stuffed." "I'm having... a block." "I can't." "I..." "I need more time." " Your period of grace is over." "Come on." "Get going." "Come on." "Now." "Don't bellyache about it." "Nils." "I have always and still believe in you." "Maier just wants three identical pictures of the one he's got already." "You can do it." "Easy for you to say." "But when I'm in front of the canvas..." "You don't know what it feels like." "Your problem is you think too much." "Take this." "Paint whatever comes into your head." "OK." "I don't think it'll work, but OK." " Good." "And remember, whatever you do, everyone will love it." "You are Nils Nürtinger." " I know what I'm called." "You're priceless." "Green, cool." "You can do it." "Don't be angry, my honeysweet sun." "It's self-defence." "Brilliant." "That's awesome." "I told you so." "What trivial crap!" " No, no, it's... great." "It's exactly what Maier wants." "No." "No!" "It's exactly what Maier wants!" "Great!" "And these colours." "David!" "You've surpassed yourself." "How wonderful!" "You narcissistic bastard." "Without me you'd still be doodling cocks on beer mats." "I made you great." "You won't ruin it now." "You're staying here until you've finished." "David." "Wait!" "Open the door!" "You stupid bastard!" "I'm Nils Nürtinger!" "I know what you're called." "Yeah, nine months already." "No, Dad mustn't find out about it." "Totally pregnant." "Seriously crass, huh?" "Who's pregnant?" "You?" " No!" "No one." "Been eavesdropping?" "Who was that?" " None of your business." "Selma?" " No." "Shall I ring her father and ask?" " No, that's embarrassing." "Then give me your phone." " No." "Ajna, give me your phone." "Ajna!" "Dad, give me my phone!" "Hello, Selma, this is Ajna's father." "Now tell me, who is pregnant?" "Some one called Sarah." "Khaled's..." "Sarah, Khaled's girlfriend." "My son is going to be a father!" "This calls for a celebration." " Dad, wait." "You've got it wrong!" "...but the noises." "The men screamed louder than the women." "Disconcerting." " And the 'shining skull' breathing." "And what about the nose?" "It all comes out." "Where have you been?" "I've been trying to call you." "Sorry." "Battery's dead." "I went to the prenatal class." "How lovely." "I'm going up to the studio for a bit." "Are you hitting on family men now?" "He's your son." "If you won't take responsibility for him, then I will." "The baby's a unique opportunity for us." "I want a family with you." "How can we when no one knows you're gay?" "Do I hide with the child when your father comes by?" "What?" "You're right." "I'll come out." "Now, straightaway." "Hi, Khaled here." "I'm not available at the moment." "Please leave a message after the beep." "Khaled, it's Ajna." "Call me!" "Don't come to the restaurant." "Khaled, my firstborn." "Come to me." "How lovely to see you." "I'm very happy too." "I need to speak to you in private." " Of course, my boy." "Let's talk." "Baba." "This is going to be very hard for you but I have to tell you." "I have good news and bad news." "You'll think I have to consider this carefully but there's nothing to consider." "Khaled!" "Great you're here." "Can you come and help me with my maths?" "Ajna, run along." "Go and do your homework." "We have to talk man to man." "He has some good news for me." " I can manage." "Baba." "You and Mum loved each other so much that you ignored all obstacles." "You carved your own way." "You followed your hearts." "Yes, we did." "Although our families forbade it." "A Sunni loves a Shiite." "Those blockheads didn't understand that." " Yes." "I've always admired you both for that." "And now I..." "Love for me is a bit different." "It's a bit more complicated." "It's not about Shiites and Sunnis." "It's about..." "I know what you're going to tell me, my boy." "You do?" "I don't have a problem with it." "Listen, everyone." "No, no, no!" "Listen carefully." "My son is going to be a father." "I'm getting a grandchild!" "No." "There's been a misunderstanding." "I..." "There's been a misunderstanding." "I don't have a..." "At last an end to this dissolute lifestyle." "You're to be married." "You rascal, why didn't you tell me about your little girlfriend?" "There is no little girlfriend." "Huh?" " What's does that mean, Faisal?" "Khaled." "I don't understand." "What's the problem?" "The problem?" "She's Jewish." "Jewish?" "May Allah help us!" "That comes of being lax with your kids." "Now you have a Jewish grandchild." "Take no notice." "Jews and Arabs lived together in peace for hundreds of years." "Come here with your Sarah this evening." "She should meet our family." "My son is going to be a father." "So?" "How did it go?" "What did he say?" "Not a lot." "He needs time to digest it." "My Khaled." "I'm so proud of you." "I have to admit I doubted you would do it." "It's brilliant." "Fantastic!" "We have to celebrate." "No, I..." " I insist!" "I'll run you a bath." "When you're ready, we'll toast our new freedom with all our friends." "Oh, Khaled, my Khaled, you're the greatest." " You're suffocating me..." "Congratulations on coming out." "It's done." " Yes." "Thanks." "You don't look particularly happy." " I am." "It's just all a bit much." "Thanks for seeing my father." " Pleasure." "He's charming." "Talking about me?" " No, Khaled's daddy." "But I can't talk to you about it." "You're too closely related to the opposition." "Do whatever you have to." "Mummy gets too big for her boots sometimes." " Sorry." "My father." "Invite him over." "That would be a bit much on the first evening." "You have to try this fantastic red wine." "Hello, Baba." " Where are you?" "We're all waiting for you and the bride." " We can't today." "Why not?" "We're still... at the hospital." "Why?" "Is something wrong with the baby?" " No, all's well." "Just a routine examination." "Contraction monitoring." "Baba, I'll call you tomorrow, OK?" "Bye-bye." "Khaled." "Well?" "Is everything OK?" " Yes, given the circumstances." "Oh, Khaled, I'm so proud of you." "To you and your courage." "No, to us." "Yes?" " Good moming, Mr Silverman." "My appointments have been postponed." "I'll be round in ten minutes." "What?" "No, you can't." "Sorry?" "I can't hear you very well." "Let's discuss it in person." "Mr Maier, hello?" "No!" "David!" "My saviour!" "You've released me from my block." "Have you been painting?" " Yes." "I needed the pressure and you sensed that." "I've found a whole new approach." "That... is the complete expression of my being." "That is total art!" "I'm exhausted." "I have to shower." "See you at the Documenta." "Mr Silverman, are you here?" " Just a moment." "I'll be right down." "No, no, I'll come up." "It's exactly as I imagined." "Quaint." "Mr Maier." " At last!" "Shall we first..." " I can't wait to see this." "So what's this?" "But it's... fantastic!" "So mysterious and provocative." "The topos of the Madonna and child." "In a homoerotic context as an obvious homage to Richter." "Almost as if a different artist painted it." "Well..." " No, no, no." "Just so there's no misunderstanding." "It's brilliant." "Maier." "I don't believe it!" "Yes, I'm on my way." "I'm sorry, Mr Silverman, I have to go." "I'll collect the paintings this evening, all right?" "We'll settle the financial side of things then." "Good." "Why the flowers?" "Aren't we going to the cash-and-carry?" "We are." "But let's stop off at Khaled's." "I must know if the baby is healthy." "Is that such a good idea?" "I mean we may be disturbing them." "Disturbing?" "We're family." "Ajna?" "OK, Baba." "Clear your side?" "Yes, I've told you three times." "OK, OK." "You really are in a hurry to get to Khaled's to meet Sarah." "Why are you shouting?" "Mr Aledrissi." "The two of us should prepare for the practical side of your exam." "Mrs Spoonbill, I have to go." "A pressing family matter." "We'll catch up later." "Family is important." "What's wrong with you?" "Where's your head today?" " Sorry, I'm just a leamer." "Here's Khaled." "This is a surprise!" "What are you doing here?" "Oh, are the flowers for Sarah?" "Thank you." "Sweet of you." "No need though." "Yes, Mr Maier." "I'm very pleased, too." "How is your Sarah?" "All well with the baby?" "Sarah has just gone to lie down." "She's feeling a bit weak." "What does your flatmate want from me?" "Should we go in?" "Oh, no..." "Just wave back." "After what his mother is doing to us?" "Never." "It's not his fault." "Wave, Baba." "Baba, we have to go." "Let's see if Sarah is awake yet." "I'd like to deliver the flowers in person." "You know pregnant women need rest." "I'll give her the flowers..." "later." "No problem." "The fishmonger will be closing." " All right." "Then both of you come to tea this afternoon." "Promise?" "Sure." "Yes, that's what we'll do." "Good." "Bye, Mr Maier." "Darling, for you." "For us." "From Baba." "Oh, that's so sweet." "Then I must reciprocate." "No, you don't need to." " I do." "And I have an idea." "Why didn't he come in?" " He has an appointment." "With Peer." "On account of your mother." "Maybe it's best that's sorted before we play happy families." "Now that infidel." "comes with a handwritten addendum to the lease all of a sudden." "Highly suspicious." "You think it's a fake?" " What else?" "I'll get a graphologist to check it." " Why?" "So we can get rid of the Arab." "I love it when you're angry." "I don't have a good feeling about this." "It's not fair on David." "I'll explain to him." "I just need some time." "So you know what to do?" "We had a one-night stand, I turned up at your place." "Once it's born, I clear off leaving you with the baby." "And?" "Whatever he says, we're getting married..." "We're not getting married!" "And you're Jewish and called Sarah." "No problem, I played Jessica in The Merchant of Venice." "Petra." "Don't overdo it." "PRIVATE FUNCTION TODAY" "My mother's parents fled from a Bulgarian concentration camp and practically came back to Germany with the Red Army and from there went on with the Yanks to the USA..." "Oh, he sometimes kicks like fury." "In the '60s my grandparents emigrated to Israel." "So you were born in Israel." " In a kibbutz." "How are you?" "I'm fine." ""I'm fine."" "That's all I know." "I was brought up in Switzerland by my aunt." "So that's your Jewish floozy." "Alba!" " You must be Aunt Alba." "Khaled has told me so much about you." "My sister, Alba, is very particular about hygiene when she works in the kitchen." "Shaking hands is out of the question." "Excuse me." "When is it due?" "The birth." "In two weeks." "Then we'd best hurry up with the wedding." "We don't plan to get married." "What?" "Khaled?" "What are these strange ideas?" "Who keeps calling you?" "Excuse me." "It's the school." "I have to take it." "Ah, the school." "Alba, be careful!" "My grandchild's in there." "I'm sorry." "I'm so very sorry." " Oh, it's..." "Did you get bumt?" " No, the material is robust." "I'll do it." "Sarah." "Could I perhaps...?" "Dad, I don't think so." "Sarah, please, may I?" "Why aren't you answering?" "Anyway, I'm on my way to your father." "I've bought him some chocolates." "I want to get it right." "Shit!" "Shit!" "I can't hear anything." "Nothing at all." "He's very quiet at the moment." "Your stomach's rather cold." " I have low blood pressure." "Very cold hands." " Oh, yes." "Why are you here?" " I really fancied..." "Middle Eastern." "Sarah, how do you know Khaled's flat mate?" " Sarah?" "Great you got here so quickly." "Baba, the hospital rang." "Sarah needs more contraction monitoring and David kindly..." "Is something wrong?" " No, it's routine." "Thank you, Mr Aledrissi." "See you." "Thank you, Mr Aledrissi." "See you." "Bye, Dad." "I have some school work to do." "David, wait!" " You liar, you didn't tell him." "It's all a misunderstanding." "Really." "Lies, nothing but lies!" "And you're involved in this?" "You're fired." "Take this." "I no longer need it." "David, wait." "Let's talk." "I can explain." "Really." "Don't drive off." "Khaled!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Mr Silverman, that's a stroke of luck." "I'm a bit early." "Everything all right?" " It's just hay fever." "My meeting didn't last so long." "I've got everything ready." "So have I." "Nils, you're a genius." "I love your new pictures." "Yes, I know." "The topos of the Madonna and child but with a man." "An original idea." "Madonna and child?" "That's not mine." "Lea, there's no need." " My grandchild needs a decent bed." "We'll have a nice girls' evening." "Where are my paintings?" "What are you doing with my picture?" "Is that Sarah's picture?" "But signed Nils." "What's going on, Mr Silverman?" "I'm sorry, I had to do it." "We need the money." " Why?" "I gave you money for the baby." " The money is for the gallery." "I don't want a baby." "And you call me a liar!" "Khaled." "You've betrayed us all." "That's the final straw!" "If it hadn't been for your identity crisis, we'd be fine." "But all you do is freeload!" "Go fuck yourself." "I've had it!" "If I may." "Oh, Davikins." "It'll be fine." "You'll be better off without the Arab." "Can you please just shut up?" "TO LET" "Oh, Hayat..." "I'm worried about my grandchild." "Shit!" "The exam!" "I knew it." "The Arab thinks he can mess with me." "On your marks, get set, go!" "He's a natural." "Plus from an immigrant background." "We've got far too few of them." "As I said, my best man." "Yes!" "What do you want?" " My wages." "Very funny." "I'm really sorry." "Somehow it all got out of hand." " It's too late now." "Rien ne va plus." " You mustn't think that." "We need you." "I do." "Khaled does." "I was just your puppet." " You held it all together here." "Khaled would still be living at home." "What if he was?" "Khaled will never forgive me for the baby." "Course he will." "Just show him you're not tied to your mum's apron strings." "Sorry." "Why should I eat humble pie?" "He is as much a liar as me." "Sarah." "May Allah help me." "What happened to the baby?" "You dare show up here?" "You think this paltry bunch will save you from prison?" " Prison?" "You're a fraudster." "You faked the addendum to the lease." "That's an offence." "This graphologist's report proves it." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Sarah, please, what's happened to my grandchild?" "Well..." "Sarah?" "Your grandchild?" "Quiet, Mummy." " No, that's enough." "It's Khaled's own fault." "Just because Arabs have a problem with gays, you're suffering." "What do you mean?" " Hello." "Am I interrupting something?" " You see." "Sarah is pregnant by my Davikins, not by your son." "Your son is so gay I doubt he knows how babies are made." "Mrs Silverman, stop insulting me, my son is not gay." "But... why aren't you pregnant now, Sarah?" "Well, my name's Petra." "And I was never pregnant." "This is Sarah." "She is... pregnant, but by David." "And Khaled?" "I'm sorry you've had to find out like this." "May Allah help us." "May God be merciful." "Great." "Happy now?" "You're doing great." "Now to our final game." "I'll divide you into teams." "Kemal." "Tom." "We don't want the rear-end loader." "Excuse me, what is a "rear-end loader"?" "A rear-end loader?" " Kemal." "A guy who gets loaded from behind." " That's not true." "You mean a homosexual?" " No, a poof." "I'm not gay." "Is it true, Khaled?" "The baby isn't yours and Sarah's?" "It's his child!" "Dad, I'm in the middle of my exam." "I don't care." "I want to know why you made me look like a fool in front of everyone." "I didn't know how to tell you." "What?" "That you're gay?" "So Aledrissi is a rear-end loader, too?" "I thought he meant the boy." " Him anyway." "Bullshit." "Shut it, you poof." " What do you want?" "Hey!" "Kemal!" "Leave Tom alone." "He isn't gay." "I'm gay." " What?" "Everyone got that?" "I am gay." "Khaled." " Leave me alone." "Right, that's it for today." "Grab a golliwog cookie or whatever they're called now." "If you mouth off again, I'll turn your arse into rawhide, I promise you." "Wait, Khaled." " Happy now?" "I'm sorry." "It was a stupid coincidence." "Mummy broadcast it." "I couldn't stop her." ""Mummy, Mummy, Mummy..." I'm sick of it." "Take responsibility for once." "You're no better." "You'd have gone on lying." "That's true." "We're a disaster as a couple." "I'm really glad it's over." "That's right." "Get lost, you cowardly bastard." "But I'm not glad, I think it's shit." "That was quite an exit just now." "As I always say, all good-looking men are either bastards or gay." "Or both." "Mr Aledrissi, why didn't you say?" " You don't have a problem with it?" "Me?" "It's not like I haven't had same-sex experience myself..." "I could tell you stories." " Please don't." "I'm sorry I messed up the exam." "Nonsense." "Gierling could piss himself with joy." "A gay immigrant." "It sends out a positive message, Ms Aledrissi." "Don't worry about Gierling." "Welcome to the jungle." "Tiger." "It's ages since I had a ménage à trois." "I've got some tricks." "You and your friend might like them." "How does it go? "A little bi for good measure is always a treasure."" "Mrs Spoonbill." " Yes." "I'm sorry, but I'm 100% gay." "Nothing happens with me around women." "I'll see you around." "May I come in?" "Sarah, I want to apologise." "I should never have done that." "Sometimes I don't understand myself." "Taking my pictures was the pits." "I know." "I'm really sorry." "Maier loved your pictures by the way." "Can you forgive me?" "Lucky for you..." "I can't be angry at anyone today." "Look." ""..." "School of Arts in New York"." "That's amazing!" " I still can't believe it." "Congratulations." "God, why do you punish us so?" "My nephew, a luti!" "A damn queer." "The shame of it." "If word gets out, we could go belly-up." "I've heard there's this cave in Lebanon, in the mountains." "A holy man lives there." "If you take a luti there, he can cure him." "After seven nights in the cave, they become real men." "Fertile family men." "Why are you here?" "Haven't you brought enough shame on us?" "Alba, please, this is between me and Baba." "It's nothing to do with you." "Let me through." "Get out, you queer!" "Damn queer!" "Alba, what are you doing?" "Leave the boy alone." " Damn queer!" "He can't help it." "He's sick." " I'm not sick." "I told you back then you shouldn't have married Hayat." "The Shiite brought you bad luck." " Shut up." "We're a laughing stock." "You have to decide, brother." "Either the queer or your family." "Get out." "Go!" "You're not making my life hell anymore." "I'm serious." "Get out!" "Bye." "Khaled, the baby's on its way!" " It hurts so much." "Shit!" "Yes, Sarah needs you." "Yes, the ambulance is on its way." "It'll all be fine, my girl." "Nothing will be fine." "I need Khaled!" "The baby's on its way." "I have to go to the hospital." "Will you drive me?" "Why me?" " You're practically the granddad." "I'm not." " You are." "You are for me." "David is my man." "I love him like you loved Mum." "At least give me the car keys." "Don't worry, we'll make it." "I used to be a taxi driver in Ramallah." "WHALE SONGS" "Help!" " She needs help!" "Breathe deep." "I'll see what's going on." "What do you want?" "The baby's going to another family." "It's David's child and I'm its grandmother." "David signed the adoption papers ages ago." "What?" " Push." "I'm not feeling so good." " How do you think I feel?" "Get the men out of here." "It's a Jewish birth." "Out!" " You see." "No, I want you to leave." "I want some peace." " Could you?" "Mama, leave her in peace." " But I just want to..." "Get a coffee." "Let me..." "You need me." " Now stop it!" "Wait outside." " You can't." "You can't leave me outside..." " I can." "The head's coming, I can feel it." "And push." "And push!" "You can do it." "My grandchild." "All right now?" "Now I know why Jewish men aren't allowed to be at the birth." "I'll leave you alone." "Here, Daddy." "What me?" "I can't." "How do you hold it?" " Support its head." "My son." "Your son!" "But you've signed the adoption papers." "That was a mistake." " Is that so?" "That was before we met, wasn't it?" "Khaled... please let me sort it out." "My grandchild." "No, Mummy, it's not your grandchild." "It's going to a loving adoptive family." "You can't do that." "I can't subject the child to us." "What you mean?" " You're constantly interfering in my life." "You don't listen." "Worst of all: you don't accept Khaled and are making his father homeless." " Give him to me." "You see?" "You don't listen." "Sort it out with Aledrissi or we're through." "That's blackmail." " I learnt it from you." "There wasn't any tea." "Thank you." "What am I doing here?" "I'm not even the child's grandfather." "Just the father of a sick son." "What did we do wrong?" "Listen..." "I'll stop the termination of your lease and you tolerate my son as your son-in-law." "Then we all benefit, don't we?" "Are we quits now?" "Not quite." "Oh, goodness!" "Not again." "David Zacharias Elias Silverman, will you be faithful to me as I will always be faithful to you?" "Yes." "Will you finally put a new lock on your door?" " Excuse me..." "Yes." "Most definitely." "And be my official companion at my next family gathering?" "May Allah help us." "Yes." "Will you marry me?" "Yes." "But you're not gay, are you?" " Yes, I am." "Here you are." " Thanks." "It's great you've bought Sarah's pictures." " Sarah's pictures are so ace!" "She's extremely talented." "Of course I was rather annoyed with David." "But then I thought... it's not the girl's fault." "When she's finished her studies we'll penetrate the art market." "David has a good nose for that." "How was your audition?" " I made it into the final round." "Oh, good." " But then Paltrow got the role again." "Cheers." "There they are, our mishpocha." "May Allah protect our family and us." "Drive carefully." "My little one." "Grandma's here." "My little one." "What's the matter?" "Let me try." " This I have to see." "Listen," "I brought up two children on my own." "Coincidence!"