"The first few weeks at my new school hadn't gone well for either my popularity..." "[Grunts]" "Or Simon's pursuit of carly." "You love me?" "[Snorts]" "[Retches]" "[Rock music]" "♪" "Grove high school:" "A sea of jocks, nerds, criminals, mothers-to-be, and everything in between." "And when I say in between, I mean me." "♪ Take me to the other side" "But I wasn't alone." "I had these guys... ♪ Take me to the other side ...which admittedly wasn't much." "♪ Enjoy the ride ♪ I'm the poster child ♪" "♪ for the other side" "But they were friends, partners on the turbulent road to adulthood." "Give you a dollar if you eat it." "A road paved with stupidity and embarrassment." "Is it cool if I pay you in nickels?" "But thanks to Simon, a road we could now drive on." "Here we go." "Took me a minute to get it out of the display sleeve." "I have the same problem with my dong." "I can't believe you can drive now." "How are you a year older than us?" "I got held back in kindergarten." "My dad wanted me to be more dominant in sports." "Didn't work." "I have brittle bones." "My school tried to hold me back every year, but my mom just changed the spelling of my name and reenrolled me." "How many different ways are there to spell Neil?" "Oh, I wasn't Neil until the sixth grade." "Jay, what are you doing?" "Making you over 21." "It's really easy when you're born in 1995." "All you do is change the nine into an eight, and then you're a child of the '80s." "Flower power." "Jay, I don't think that you-- Dude, I used to do this for a living until the feds started tailing me." "On your bicycle?" "Well, I'm not gonna jack a car with the feds on me." "Now, shut up so I can concentrate." "One false move and this thing is ruined." "What?" "Is your dad gonna hold up his end of the deal?" "Yeah, I passed my test, so he said he's gonna get me a car." "Oh, man, cars are the best [bleep] magnets there are." "Get ready to troll for some [bleep], boys." "I'm bringing my stiffest rod." "Ooh." "I'd like to get off the boat." "Let me just ease it into a slip." "Ooh." "Man overboard." "What kind of car is it?" "He wouldn't say, but he did tell me it was a sport edition, and a sport edition of anything is awesome." "Dude, we should race it." "Yeah." "What?" "It's a car." "There's no way we'd win." "What's wrong with you?" "Nothing, where are my nickels?" "Here she is." "Carly, the love of Simon's life." "Unfortunately, she was going out with Bobby watts, the love of her life." "I have a shot now, okay?" "Having a car will level the playing field." "I don't think you could win on a level playing field." "I think you need it slanted dramatically in your direction." "Yeah, anything level he's just gonna bang her on." "[Laughs]" "Hey, Simon." "Hey." "You know, if you ever need a ride that moves a little faster, you can give me a call." "Those your house keys?" "[Whispers] Shut up." "Did you get a car?" "Nope, I got a sport edition of a car--no, I got a car." "You're doing great." "That's awesome." "You passed your test." "It was easy." "I was born driving." "Eww, must have been painful for your mom." "[Laughs]" "We should grab a pizza soon and celebrate." "Yeah, what about tomorrow?" "Oh, I can't tomorrow." "Bobby's taking me to Sunshine Mountain for our two-month anniversary." "Wow, it's a shame there's not an anniversary for friends, huh?" "I'd have him beat by, like, eight years." "Maybe we should make one up." "Yeah, why not?" "You and Bobby did." "[Laughs awkwardly]" "I'll see you guys later." "Hey, if you're going to Sunshine Mountain, I'll probably see you there." "I work weekends as poncho the parrot." "So if a giant parrot hugs you, it's me or my friend Toby." "You work at Sunshine Mountain?" "Triple-inverted triscareatops rollercoaster Sunshine Mountain?" "It's actually just called Sunshine Mountain." "Why don't we go there tomorrow?" "You could show Carly that you drive to cool places just like Bobby, which will totally get into her head." "You think so?" "Yes, psychological warfare always works, plus we can ride that ride a few times." "I'm up for a road trip." "And now that you're over 21, we can take a little swim in the beer garden." "[Laughter] 1895?" "What?" "You changed the wrong nine." "You made me 117, you idiot!" "[Scoffs]" "[Sighs]" "Where are you going?" "Jay!" "Come here!" "This is so awesome." "I'll probably hear it before I see it, huh?" "V8?" "All I know is it is a Ford." "A Ford?" "Yes." "Yes." "[Laughs]" "Mustang, I bet." "Dad." "Oh, I can't believe you're getting a car." "Such a waste." "What are you gonna do, take out that fat redheaded girl you're always with?" "That's Jay." "Oh, must've been thrown by his [bleep]." "Todd!" "It's fine, mom." "It doesn't matter what he says." "I'm the one getting a new car." "[Screams]" "[Horn honking]" "No!" "No!" "[Laughs]" "No, you can't be serious." "It's cute." "It's yellow like the sun." "Doesn't look like much, but it runs great." "Sport edition." "Of what sport, ultimate frisbee?" "Could be a little more grateful, Simon." "It's a good starter car, and you won't be able to get up enough speed in it to kill yourself." "I'll find a way." "I'll find a way to kill myself in it." "Tell you what:" "You show me that you can take care of this, and next summer we'll see if we can find you an upgrade, eh?" "Fine." "Thanks, I guess." "You betcha." "Hey, I made you a mix tape of all the songs I used to cruise to when I was your age." "It has a tape player?" "Hell yeah!" "It's a sport edition." "Dad." "♪ I want you to show me ♪" "♪ I want to feel what love is [lively rock music]" "♪" "♪ when the morning comes" "The next morning, Simon arrived to pick me up in his new car." "New to him, old and ugly to us." "It's not that bad." "It's...jazzy." "It's better on the inside, except then people see you're in it." "The color is a little unfortunate." "What is it, a kind of gold?" "It's called Muppet yellow." "Well, I'm sure it gets great mileage." "Let's go." "Triscareatops awaits." "Are you sure a rollercoaster won't be too scary for you?" "I'll be fine, mom." "At least let me put a safety tattoo on your arm." "Be right back." "Go." "Go now before she comes back." "[Engine turning over]" "Hold on." "♪ No, I won't stop staring ♪" "♪ and I can't stop ♪" "♪ from watching ♪ no, I won't stop staring ♪" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Oh-ho-ho, my God." "No way." "Oh, my God." "This is it?" "This is your car?" "[Laughs]" "What is it?" "A Ford Festiva." "More like a Ford celibacy." "Ugh, does this thing have a motor or do we have to stick our feet through the bottom?" "Back in the day, this thing was awesome." "Back in the day when you decided never to get laid again?" "Just get in." "We're already late." "Shotgun!" "What, I'm in the car." "No, your feet are on the ground." "You're out of the car." "To let you in." "Mmm, sorry, William, rules are rules." "[Mimics shotgun blast]" "♪ Well, I'm ♪" "♪ hot blooded ♪ check the disease ♪ I got a fever of 103" "I'd like to see the shotgun rules." "I'd like to see where those are posted." "They're in the library of congress." "No, they're not." "Yes, they are." "It was established in 1865 when some dude wanted Lincoln's seat in the theater, so he blew his head off with a shotgun." "Oh, check out that bleep wrangler." "What's the bleep stand for?" "[Bleep]." "Follow them." "I can't." "They're going right." "Yup, and Sunshine Mountain is straight." "We're already late." "Are you kidding me?" "Who cares about some dumb little theme park when we could be stuffing' some muffin?" "Follow them." "Simon, don't." "Okay." "Whoa-ho." "Dude." "[Girls giggle]" "Hello." "Oh, yeah." "What are you writing?" "Don't-- [Laughs]" "No, no, no." "Jay-- take it down!" "Take it down!" "It won't come down!" "Take it down!" "Come on!" "Just go, okay?" "Was she dialing?" "It looked like-- [Phone ringing]" "You wrote down my number?" "What'd you do that for?" "Just turn around." "Turn around and go to Sunshine Mountain." "Okay." "Sorry, everybody!" "[Screams]" "[Brakes squeal]" "Oh, this is so boring." "Come on, people." "We ain't getting any younger!" "Just go around them." "We're already late." "[Horn honking]" "God, what's the holdup?" "Come on, people!" "[Horn honking]" "Oh, no." "What's wrong with you, you monsters!" "[Upbeat rock music]" "♪ ♪" "It had been a long journey, but we finally arrived at Sunshine Mountain in one piece." "Come on, Simon." "Just park." "I'm trying to." "Oh, there are hot girls." "Dude, there are bikini chicks getting on that tram." "Park!" "I can't--I can't do this any faster." "You couldn't do this any slower." "Do you have a license?" "Are you a licensed driver?" "I'm a licensed busherman." "You know, bush?" "Can you just park?" "Why are you going backwards?" "Every other car is forwards." "Come on!" "No, Jay, wait." "[Door crashes]" "Unfortunately, Simon's car wasn't so lucky." "Oops." "What'd you do?" "What--what'd you do?" "What did you do?" "What?" "We got to get this fixed." "Now?" "Yes, now." "We can't just leave it like this." "It's just a door, Simon." "A door?" "Yeah." "Just a door." "I'm gonna be driving Carly around in this." "I prefer she doesn't go flying out on the first sharp turn." "I'm not sure you're gonna be driving around Carly in this." "Oh, Neil's sister's boyfriend works at a body shop." "We'll get it fixed on the way home." "Problem solved." "There you go." "We go in, get Neil, ride the triscareatops a few times, let Carly see you're having the time of your life, come back, and get the car fixed." "It's a perfect plan." "What about the door?" "Somebody might take it." "Not a problem." "I'm sure the park has somewhere to store it." "Yeah, it's a park policy." "Every park has it." "We have stroller rentals and disabled access on certain rides." "That's not really what I asked though." "We don't have anywhere to store car doors." "Well, turns out they don't really have anywhere to store car doors." "Knew it." "Fine, we're just gonna have to take turns carrying it then." "I'm not carrying this." "You broke it!" "You reversed." "Are you really gonna try to make this my fault?" "Are you really gonna not try and make this my fault... or not?" "Thought not." "What?" "So we went to find Neil with the unspoken hope that maybe he would turn our luck around." "Oh, there's Neil." "[Laughs]" "Neil!" "Neil." "Neil, Neil!" "[Laughs]" "This wasn't him." "Ow!" "What the [bleep]?" "Neil." "[Bleep]." "What was that about?" "That was." "Neil?" "No way." "Neil isn't that tall." "[Children screaming]" "The parrot feet give me two extra inches, plus I got this built-in cup." "I'm not gonna ask." "Oh, it's so you don't get boners around the kids." "It's much worse than I thought." "Did you see Carly anywhere?" "No, but maybe poncho did." "We have to find her." "Bobby probably took her to the haunted castle." "It's the one ride in the whole park without a lap bar if you know what I mean." "Oh, no." "Uh, oh, dude!" "What?" "You're naked under there?" "That's a little disturbing, isn't it?" "Oh, man." "Those guys swiped my clothes again." "They're always playing pranks on me." "Just put anything on, Neil." "I have to go find Carly." "Let's try the triscareatops first." "Good chance she'll be on that, huh?" "It's possible." "We can definitely get a pinkie in on the scareatops." "Oh, no." "It's cool." "I'll just find something in the lost and found." "Oh!" "Neil, stand up." "♪ I didn't mean to hurt you ♪" "♪ baby ♪ no, no, no, no, no ♪ I just want to be your man ♪ I ain't lying ♪" "♪ about that now ♪ and I'm trying ♪" "♪ darling, now oh, this outfit" "I can't believe it went unclaimed." "Neither can I." "This shirt is awesome." "It lets my belly breathe." "Doesn't look like the rest of you is struggling for air either." "You sure your sister's boyfriend works at a body shop?" "Yeah, she's really into blue collar guys." "Must take after your dad." "My dad is as straight as I am." "You might want to say that in a different outfit." "Oh, there's Carly." "♪ She was alone tonight" "I'm going in." "Somebody hold this." "♪ And she played them right oh, come on!" "I can't go up to her holding a car door." "Maybe you could say you won it?" "Maybe you could use it to hide your erection." "Simon, hey!" "[Weakly] Hey." "♪ And then she said ♪ I, I could be lonely ♪ I could be lonely ♪ in your arms" "♪ I know that I" "Hey." "Hey, what's up, man?" "Good to see you again." "Good to see you too." "Is that your car door?" "Mine?" "Yeah, it detaches like a radio faceplate but a car door." "Isn't it heavy?" "Nah." "Well, we should be going to the triscareatops." "It'll be closing soon." "Do you want us to watch your door for you?" "It's cool." "You guys have fun." "I'm gonna give this girl a little beat down on the squirt game." "Not if I squirt first." "[Chuckles]" "You're going down." "Oh, yeah." "You're gonna have some competition." "Here." "[Bell rings]" "And Simon took his shot, raising his monkey high into the air, and he was winning." "[Giggles]" "Stop." "He was just in the wrong race." "[Laughing weakly]" "[Laughing nervously]" "♪ I could be lonely" "♪ in your arms" "♪ I know that I" "I..." "I..." "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry." "♪ In your arms ♪" "♪ ♪" "I'll take that." "A day as disastrous as this one had been could only be saved by one thing:" "Our own shrieks of terror." "[Animal roaring]" "You guys hear that noise?" "That's a magnetic launch." "Most coasters use momentum." "Not this one." "This one throws you like a [bleep]damn catapult." "I hope it kills me." "So you sprinkled her with some water." "Big deal." "Nothing the triscareatops can't fix." "How, how will a rollercoaster fix this, will?" "Hey, isn't that our old librarian?" "Oh, man, she's living the life." "I wish they would fire me from school." "[Laughs]" "And why are we in the slow line?" "We've been standing here an hour." "This is the line for the front, and it'll be worth it." "Front of this coaster's gonna take you to place you've only dreamed of." "Is it a rollercoaster into your mom?" "Lovely." "I can't believe I squirted Carly." "How hot was that bra though?" "That's the kind you can undo in the front with your teeth." "Are you serious?" "Those exist?" "They do." "I watched Jay chew his way through the bra department at Ross." "Got to practice somewhere." "Let's get moving." "Come on." "Who cares about a coaster, will?" "We were supposed to be coming here for me." "But you never cared about that, did you?" "You don't give a crap who I squirted as long as it wasn't the triscareatops, which admittedly wouldn't hurt it." "Simon." "We're up." "Room for one more at the front." "What?" "One more at the front." "How is there room for just one?" "We were at the head of the line." "Well, there are three people at the front now so that leaves one more seat open, but there are plenty more further back." "I'm sorry." "Can we just rewind a bit?" "Why is there room for just one?" "Sir, if you could just get on the ride..." "I'll tell you why:" "Because they cut." "We have been waiting in line for over an hour, and you just let them cut." "Sir." "No!" "Get them off!" "Make them move." "It doesn't matter." "Let's just sit in the back." "No, it does matter!" "What, are they stupid?" "Are they such idiots they think that line cutting is okay, Jeff?" "Sir, if you could please just get on." "Yeah, let's just get on." "All right, fine, just fine." "I'm gonna sit in the front with these line-cutting inconsiderate ass[bleep]!" "I'm the worst human being in the world." "[Rollercoaster starting up]" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God, oh, my God." "This is so [bleep] funny!" "Dude, check this out." "[Laughs]" "You had to buy that." "If it makes you feel better, a ball popped out of my shorts and was flopping around the whole ride." "It's still out." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have used you to get to the triscareatops." "I wasn't being a very good friend." "To any of us." "How was I not being a good friend to you?" "I don't know." "I just feel left out sometimes." "It's okay." "Picture kind of makes up for it, and I got it in a little keychain too." "So where to next?" "We're leaving." "I have to get this door put back on." "Does your sister's boyfriend work late?" "Yeah, but he'll never be able to fix that." "What?" "You said he works at a body shop." "Yeah, but they just do paint." "Well, how does that help me, Neil?" "It's already painted." "They do pin-striping too." "Son of a--God!" "And with that our afternoon at an amusement park had ended..." "God!" "Without a single second of amusement, and we couldn't even get the leaving part right." "Where did we park?" "Shotgun!" "What--you can't call it yet." "We haven't even found the car." "I don't have to." "We're in the parking lot." "Rules are rules." "What rules?" "Would you guys just try to help me find my car?" "What color is it?" "Muppet yellow." "[Sighs]" "My dad's gonna freak." "I'm never getting another car." "Look, we'll find a mechanic." "He's gonna fix it up as good as new." "There's absolutely no reason that we can't-- oh, dear God." "[Screams]" "No, no, no, no, no!" "[Screams]" "Oh, oh, who?" "Why?" "Who would do this?" "Why?" "[Horn honking]" "[Boys laughing]" "[Laughs]" "Good one, you guys." "Had that one coming." "They didn't do it to you." "This is my car." "Simon, they're intellectually disabled." "Let them have this." "And it's fine, man." "It's just graffiti and a flat tire." "We can fix this in a hour." "Well, that's gonna make it more difficult." "It's over." "My life's over." "We don't have a way to get home now." "Simon?" "And our visit to Sunshine Mountain did help Simon get between" "Bobby and Carly." "Thanks again for the ride, Bobby." "Oh, sure, man." "Any friend of Carly's is a friend of mine." "Just not in the way he had hoped." "Speed bump." "Ow." "[Stereo clicks on]" "[Sentimental rock music]" "♪ I want to know ♪" "♪ what love is" "♪ and I want you to show me" "Yeah!" "♪ I want to know what love is" "Come on, everybody." "All: ♪ and I want you ♪ to show me ♪" "Yeah!" "All: ♪ I want to know ♪ what love is ♪" "I hate this song." "♪ I want to know ♪ I want you to show me"