"EVERY SONG IS ABOUT ME" "I. THE LAST LETTER" "How are things with your mother?" "Fine." "I don't see her very much." "I spend more time with my grandma." "She pampers me, makes me breakfast, tells me stories..." "It's funny." "Well, it depends." "I eat lots of vegetables and healthy food." " Living in style, huh?" " Yeah, I guess." "Not so much." "How about the bookstore?" "Well, same as ever." "You know my uncle." "He gets crazier every day." "You cut your hair, right?" "A little, yeah." "It looks good." "Thanks." "Are you looking for a place or will you stay with your mom and grandma?" "Yeah, I'm looking for a place." "Well, not very hard." "I'm looking around." "I didn't tell you, I might start a new job." "Yeah?" " At Eduardo's studio." " That's great." "He's been very nice to me." "The pay is lousy and it's kind of far away, but..." "It's a job." "It's a project for a contest and it'd be great if it goes well." "I feel like working and starting..." "You're going to work with Eduardo?" "Yes, yes." "Yes." "Eduardo's an asshole, isn't he?" " No." "Why do you say that?" " That's what you used to say." " No." " Yes." "He screwed up a bunch of your projects." "No, he didn't." "He was always helpful..." "You rejected him and he tortured you." "He's a jerk." "I didn't reject Ramiro." "He never tortured me." "No, he didn't." "He was interested in my work." " You don't know him." " Only what you've told me about him." "Okay, forget it." " What should we do?" " I think I'm going home." "Sorry." "Hi." "How are you?" "What?" "No, no, no." "No, I'm fine." "I'm with a friend right now..." "Can I call you tomorrow?" "Okay, okay." "Great, yeah." "I'd like that, okay." "Talk to you later." "Bye." "Sorry about that." " Feel like getting a drink?" " Do you?" "Yeah, I could have something." "Come on, just one drink." ""Man waits his turn in line before robbing bank."" ""A man stole six thousand euros from a bank in Molinos, Teruel after sipping coffee in the local bar and patiently waiting his turn in line with the other customers." "The man covered his face when it was his turn to be served." "The reason is unclear because several witnesses had already seen him enterthe bank after leaving the local bar."" "It's unbelievable." "It's funny, isn't it?" "I mean, this guy..." "He waits in line, is friendly with the people around him, and when his turn comes," "he covers his face." "I like this guy." "I really like this guy." "Very funny." "What's this fountain doing here?" "It's absurd." "What's it doing here?" "What's it doing here?" "I like it." "Sorry, ljust..." " You jerk!" " It was an accident." " It was an accident." " No, it wasrt!" "This is the hardest part." "Closing it right." " How many do you smoke a day?" " I don't even smoke every day." "I try, but I haven't got enough willpower." "Ramiro, you're crazy." "Here." " You start it." " No, I quit." "No." " I swear, I quit." " I don't believe you." "I did, I haven't smoked in all this time." "I quit." "Okay, but try this one." "It's the size of your dick." " Let me see you smoke." " I can make rings." " Rings?" " Yeah." "What...?" "What are we doing?" "Nothing." "We're not doing anything." "We're fine." "No, we aren't." "This is absurd, Ramiro." " You called me, right?" " I called you, you called me..." " But you called me first." " So what?" " I didn't even want to come." " Then you should have said so." "I didn't because I wanted to see you too." "Hey, I have an idea." "I'll come up, we'll spend the night together..." " No, Ramiro." " Why not?" " Because." " You don't want to?" "Yes, I want to." "Of course I want to." "But no." " It only makes things worse." " It doesn't need to." "I'll leave after." "It'll be good for us." "We'll feel awful after and we won't want to see each other." "No, Ramiro." " Why not?" " Because." " Why not?" " No, Ramiro." " Okay, okay." " Don't be mad." " Ramiro." " Don't worry about it." "Ramiro and Andrea had broken up after six years together." "Ramiro moved out of the apartment they shared and back with his mom." "The day he moved out, she avoided being there." "Ramiro quickly collected his things and stared at Andrea's." "It was like he was seeing them for the first time." "The things he'd never really noticed now seemed weird to him." "Like they belonged to a stranger." "Andrea left a note on the bed." "Andrea needed sometimes to explain her feelings in writing." "She'd written him letters after their fights or happy moments." "Sometimes for no apparent reason." "The last letter was only a few lines from a book she'd been reading." "It was a goodbye letter." "I try to convince myself there are worse things than leaving someone." "It can be painful, but it needrt be a tragedy." "If we never gave up anyone there'd never be space for the new." "Evolution constitutes an infidelity." "To others, to the past... to prior opinions of oneself." "Every day should have at least one essential infidelity." "A necessary betrayal." "A single act of optimism." "Ofhope." "It would guarantee faith in the future." "Astatement that things can be not only different, but better." "My poor little memories." "How they fight to never abandon me." "I tell them to go away, to leave me alone." "To stop talking to me about you." "That you weremy joy, that you were my pain." "I'm still hurting from the wounds of your love." "My poor little memories." "You're all they can think about." "Poor things." "How they weep to never abandon me." "II." "THE TROUBLES OF RAMIRO LASTRA" "Excuse me." "Do you have a book by a foreign author, with a blue cover?" "I heard about it on the radio." "It's a love story." "Just sold the last one." "Too bad." "Oh, well." "I'll have to keep looking." " Good luck, madam." " Thank you." "The other day a guy asks me:" ""Have you got something big with a hard cover for my brother-in-law?" "He's a city bus driver and he likes reading a lot."" "Hello." " Maestro." " Lucas, what's up?" "I have some important news for you." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "After you." "My dearest Luismi." "Ramiro." "I've come to inform you that I'm getting married." "To Silvia." "She's an Argentinean friend who needs citizenship and getting married is the only way she can get it." " By marrying you." " Yeah, well." "She could marry anyone, but I was the first to make this humble offer." " I'm getting married." " Wait a second." "Lucas, have you and this girl... engaged in carnal business or anything like that?" " Yeah, but that means nothing now..." " She's a waitress." " The only bar we go to now." " It's about papers." "The least erotic thing you can imagine." "Congratulations for your sacrifice." "That's what worries me, you know?" "That she might feel indebted to me, like she owes me a favor or something." "I wouldn't want to stain the friendship with something like that." "That's why it has to be really hygienic." "We need to forget our feelings." "Because I don't like Silvia." "That's why I'm marrying her." "I don't want anything like that to get in the way." "You went ahead and fucked her a few times." "No, fucking has nothing to do with this." "That's your mentality." "That's why you never fuck." "Fucking, Ramiro." "Fucking." "It's..." "It's fundamental." "It's a maximum priority for you right now." " My priority is to find an apartment." " To fuck in." "You know who I think a lot about lately?" " Irene." " Irene." "Muñoz." "Irene Muñoz." "She went to my university." " I haven't seen her since." " But she had a boyfriend." "She dated a guy named Jaime, but they werert right for each other." "We wrote a papertogether in medieval literature and... there was always that tension." " Know who you should fuck right now?" " Who?" "Silvia." " Right before you marry her?" " Exactly." "That will avoid any confusion." "Hey, Gonzalo." "I forgot to tell you, Gonzalo is miserable." "He had a fight with Bea and moved out." " What happened?" " He'II tell you." "Try not to laugh in his face." "It looks like he got caught jerking off..." "That's the shitty thing about apartments nowadays." "There used to be a long corridor and when you heard the front door you had time to react..." "And I was thinking about another girl." "Everybody does, right?" "Did you tell her who you were thinking about?" "No, I told her I didn't want to tell her and that I didn't see why I should." "It's insane, Gonzalo." "You're not allowed even to think about being unfaithful." "It's what's shitty about couples." "To hell with Bea, man." "You did nothing wrong." "Go in the bathroom, get it out of your system." "I don't know." "Boys." "Let's finish up." " One last round." " No." "We're closing, Lucas." "There's still a little left." "I told them about us, Silvia." "What about us?" "What do you think?" "Our nuptial commitment." " That sounds awful." " I know things that sound worse!" "Did you see..." "Her name was Andrea, right?" "Andrea." " Did you see her again?" " No." "It's complicated." "Since Ramiro broke up with Andrea all his friends worried about him." "He didn't want to be a victim, but he didn't like them trivializing his problem either." " Are we really going in this place?" " Yeah." "Lucas, they'll charge us a fortune." "I'm against bars you have to stand in line for." "Nobody panic." "Wait here a minute." "There he goes." "Like he owns the place." "I'm against any place you have to stand in line for." "Son of a bitch." "Well, I..." "I met a girl here once." "Carlota." "Carlota, yeah." "Did I evertell you about it?" "About Carlota?" "Yeah." "Some days, Ramiro didn't want to go out." "But when he did, he never wanted to return." "They say to recover from a break-up it takes exactly half the duration of the relationship." " I read that in a magazine." " That sounds right." " How long were you with Andrea?" " Six years." "That theory is bullshit." "He couldrt stop thinking about Andrea." "He often wondered where shemight be." "He imagined her doing the same thing." "He also imagined running into her somewhere." "The idea scared him and pleased him at the same time." "I was looking at you the whole time." "I had two options:" "Stay there or come over and talk to you." "Wanna fuck?" "Hi." " Wanna fuck?" " No." "I'm only kidding." "You think I'd say...?" "Hey, where are you going?" "Goodbye." "But it's not dramatic." "This isn't so tragic." "This isn't a drama." "I'll give you plenty to cry about." "It's not a drama." "This isn't so tragic." "It isn't." "No, it's not a drama." "III." "NOSTALGIA'S MATHEMATICAL PARADOX" "Yeah, it's been a long time." "Yeah." "How are you?" "Great." "Yeah, yeah." "I thought about you the other day and thought I should give you a call." "You know, the typical thing you end up not doing." "Anytime." "Whenever..." "Yeah." " Hi, what's up?" " Hi." " How are you?" " Fine." "What have you heard about Elena?" "I don't see her much." "I know she works as an editor for a publishing house." "I think about calling her sometimes but I never do." "It happens with a lot of ex-classmates." "I've lost touch with a lot of people too." "I think they organize reunions for alumni, but..." "I don't know." "I get a little nervous seeing people I don't see anymore." "It makes me feel weird." "I can't force that type of situation." "Sometimes I go to them and..." "I don't know." "I end up surrounded by people who I thought I knew but really know nothing about." "They're just faces in my photo album with nothing behind them." "I speak in the past, use the preterit... and sort of make it up as I go along." "Are you still with Andrea?" " No, we broke up." " I'm sorry." "We broke up six months ago." "We werert happy together." "It was forthe best." "How long were you together?" "Six years." " Six years is a long time." " Yeah." " You're right." " How are you handling it?" "They say it takes half the duration of the relationship to get over it." "Let's hope not." "What gets me is I feel like I've followed, one by one, a step by step manual of clichés for couples." "I wish I were special somehow." "The exception that confirms the rule." "Yeah, right." "I realize things now I didn't see at the time." "For example, when she had to prepare her thesis to graduate," "I spent a whole year supporting her." "Putting up with all her mood swings." "Even my support ticked her off." "It's like she wanted to show me how hard it was for her but had to make it clear that I couldn't help her." "What nerve!" "You're the victim now?" "She never came out and said it, but she was constantly showing me how much harder her field was than mine." "Of course, how can we compare Hispanic Studies and Architecture?" "Liberal arts students are always the worst." " Still working at the bookstore?" " Yeah." "I think that's one of the best jobs in the world." "Andrea didn't like it." "At first she came in a lot, she enjoyed it." "Damn." "I would never have thought of coming up here." "I come up here to read." "It's usually pretty quiet." " Condoms and shit, but hey." " Gross." "It's nice." " I guess it's normal." " What is?" "It happens to every couple." "It happened to me and Jaime and he studied arts too." " You aren't with Jaime anymore?" " No." "We broke up over a year ago." " Sorry." " The passage of time." "I don't know how some couples overcome it." " But they do, right?" " I don't know." "Yes." "No." " No." " No?" "I think every couple has an expiration date." "But some act oblivious orthey ignore it." "I think it's also that they fear failure." "And they have all those clichés in their heads." "About love not lasting forever, that it runs out..." "That's because love doesn't last forever." "It runs out." " It's inevitable." " Inevitable." "I hate that word." " What?" " Nothing." "Ramiro didn't tell Irene that when she graduated" "Andrea suggested they take a trip to Paris." "She'd received a high mark and wanted to celebrate." "It was also a way to recover the joy of being together." "But Ramiro said he couldn't go." "He felt he had been patient long enough and wanted to show Andrea that he wouldn'tjust go along with anything she said." "They argued." "Andrea decided to take the trip anyway and called Laura and Clara, two of her best friends." "The honeymoon became a girls'trip." "Ramiro regretted it a week later and bought himself a ticket to Paris." " What's that?" " Nothing, I'll leave it right here." " Wanna watch a movie?" " Okay." " What do you want to see?" " I don't care." "Anything you want." "Ramiro." "Ramiro, what is this?" " I bought a ticket to Paris." " Are you crazy?" "It's okay, the lady said I can return it." "I can't believe it." "Don't worry, I'll return it." "It's okay." "The lady said so." "You don't want me to go?" "It's not that, I just don't understand why you did it." "I wanted to surprise you." "I thought you'd be happy." "Yeah, well, this is another plan." "It'll be awkward." " Why?" " Because." "It'll be awkward." " The girls might not want you there." " I don't see why not." " Because." " I'm your boyfriend, aren't I?" " Yes." " I am, right?" " So what?" " Your friends and your boyfriend." " It's normal." " What?" "If you're looking for guys..." "If you don't want to understand it, I won't explain it to you." " You're right, I don't." " Ramiro!" "It's okay, you knocked it over again." "Leave it." " Leave it." " It's okay." "Forget the model." "What's wrong, Ramiro?" " Nothing." " What's your problem?" "I'm sick of this bullshit." " You're sick of it?" " Yeah, I'm tired." " You're tired?" " I'm tired." " What are you tired of?" " What's so funny?" " What's so funny?" " You are." "If you'd said yes from the start..." "I know, I'm an idiot." "No, it'sjust..." "I wasrt expecting it." "It's my fault, I should have asked you sooner." " I want you to come." " No." "I'm not going, it's not the same." "I don't care, I want you to come." "I'll just ruin it for you and your friends." " Ramiro." " Clara and Laura don't like me." "You didn't make much of an effort either." "Yes, I did." "But it doesn't matter." "No, no." "Remember that time they came over for dinner." "You spent the whole dinner talking about remodeling the Prado." "You got in bed and put on your pajamas." "Well, yeah." "They're my pajamas." "What are you doing?" " Besides, I don't like traveling." " You don't like going anywhere." "My mobility is only apparent." "Here comes the theory of apparent mobility." "You've got a hard on, you jerk." " Let me watch the movie." " What?" "No..." "Ramiro ended up going to Paris with Andrea and her friends." "It's late, isn't it?" "You can stay the night if you want." "I'd better go home." "Don't worry, I won't cramp your style or anything like that." "Hi, Andrea." "It's me, Ramiro." "Ramiro Lastra." "We went out for a while." "I was just calling to see how you were." "I'm doing fine." "Anyway, we'll talk some other time." "Take care." "Bye." "When they started going out, Andrea would pick him up at the bookstore." "On several occasions, when alone, they made love in the warehouse or in the Spanish Civil War section." "Some days Andrea would go to read and flip through books." "After that she stopped going altogether." "The more time we leave behind us, the more irresistible the voice that beckons us to return becomes." "This sentence might sound like a cliché, but it is false." "Human beings get old, the end grows near." "Each instant is appreciated." "There's no time to waste with memories." "We must understand nostalgia's mathematical paradox." "It's much stronger during youth." "When the sound of experience is still faint." "Ramiro felt like everything he read was related to him." "Music had a similar effect." "Suddenly he liked songs that had until then seemed ridiculous to him." "The season of love comes and goes." "And our desire doesn't get older, despite our age." "If I think of how I've wasted my time," "which will never come back, never again." "The season of love comes and goes." "And it will come without warning, you'll see." "It will surprise you." "We had so many chances, losing them." "Weep for them no more, no more." "My heart remains enthusiastic about beating." "And about the chance to learn more about itself." "Lost horizons never retum." "The season of love." "Hi, Ramiro." "How are you?" "I missed your call the other day." "Sorry I didn't answer, I took a few days off in Menorca." "At a really nice house with some friends." "I've been pretty overwhelmed lately." "I'm working a lot and have no time for anything else." "Sometimes I feel like giving it all up and starting something else." "But I won't bore you with my stuff." "I went by the bookstore but you werert there." "Luismi said I missed you by five minutes." "He was very nice to me." "We had a laugh." "He said the crisis didn't affect the bookstore because it's always been in crisis." "I bought that book of poetry by Alejandra Pizarnic." "The one you were always trying to get me to read." "I like it a lot but it's really sad." "It made me think of you the whole time." "Next time recommend something happy and fun." "Sorry I can't write any more." "I'm late as usual." "Maybe we could write each other from time to time." "What do you think?" "Even if we don't have much to tell." "Just to keep in touch." "I hope you're okay." "Love and kisses." "Andrea." "Ramiro read the email several times." "Especially the end." "He found the last part upsetting." ""Love and kisses."" "He decided not to write back." "IV." "FUTURE PERSPECTIVES" "Awhole fucking year?" "You know how long that is?" "And why Canada?" "It's still not definite." "They have to confirm my spot." "I have a better idea." "Take a walk to the viaduct and when you get there jump off." "At least if you commit suicide, we'll have fond memories of you." " Hi." " Hi." "What's up?" "This pathetic jerk wants to go to Canada." " It still isn't definite." " Why Canada?" "There's a spot for a Spanish teacher." "Perfect." "It's awesome." "Leaving your country is great." "You see things from another perspective." " What perspective?" " Perspective." "That's not why he's doing it." "He's trying to run away." "From his problems." "That's not the answer, Ramiro." " Hi." " Hi." " How's everything?" " Fine." " Fine." " Fine, yeah." " Have you told them the news?" " No, not yet." "What news?" "You'd bettertell them." "No, you tell them." "Don't tell me you're pregnant." "That's great!" " Wow!" " That's great." " Congratulations." " That's great!" " Congratulations." " It's still early." "Thanks." "It's still too soon, we're only in the first weeks." " Poor Gonzalo!" " Why poor?" "He won't be able to come out with us anymore, ortravel, or go to the movies." "Now you like traveling?" "I meant a different kind." "Ramiro's leaving because..." "How should I know?" "Something weird is going on." "This isn't normal." "One going to the North Pole, another going to be a dad..." " Really, this isn't normal." " What's your problem?" "Why do you have to be such a dick?" "Why are you dissing me?" "I'm not dissing you." "And it's off." " What is?" " Your accent." "It's off." "You always have to disagree with me." "No, I don't." "I'm not disagreeing with you." " Stop it, okay?" " Okay." "Why are you so quiet?" "Oh, right, I forgot." "Sorry, you're Mister Melancholy." "You know what your real problem is?" "You're too damn horny." "What will happen if you fuck one of your students?" "What a one track mind." "Do you know what the prisons are like in Canada?" " There aren't any girls." " What?" "There are no girls." "It's a school for boys." "Really?" "I'm going to catch the last train." "How about you guys?" " I'm going home." " Me too." "You leaving is what pisses him off." "His friends making decisions, growing." "Exactly what he isn't doing." "That's your future husband you're talking about." " Yeah, we'll see." " I'm going this way." "The worst part about this whole marriage thing is that it's like an obligation he invented for himself." "He doesn't want anything from me and he makes it out to be a sacrifice." "He's in love with you." "That's why he's afraid to marry you." "That could be why he offered to marry you, to distance himself." "A little backwards, isn't it?" "Lucas has never been serious about a girl." "Maybe it would be easier if you married me." "I'll keep that in mind." "I'll sing what I want." "I'll drink quietly." "And if it's to forget, and to reveal secrets," "I'd better keep quiet." "Song for fucking." "And joking aside, it's all been hell." "And people who are cowards, we get scared to death." "Some turn their back on me, others give me advice." "Song for fucking." "Underthe sheets, the answer." "It's usually the other way around." "First they fuck you and afterthey propose marriage." "I'm more traditional." "Before people didn't fuck until after they got married." "I remember a boyfriend I had." "We had great sex." "When we broke up, it took a while before I enjoyed it again." "I always compared them." "Especially the first few times." "But don't worry, it wasrt as bad as I expected." "Thanks." "Look." "Right here..." "If they send you home the same day, it isn't a general anesthetic." "It must not be such a big deal." "Don't think about that." "You're not pregnant." " I don't know." "I feel it." " You're just late." "Three weeks late?" "I don't think so." "Maybe you're psychologically pregnant from thinking about it so much." "Can you imagine?" "You'd be a kinky fuck, all fat and 7 months pregnant and with big tits." "What would we name it?" " Lf it's a boy, Ramiro." " No way." "Yeah, Ramiro is awful." "Javier." "Javier?" "Samuel?" " Samuel Lastra?" " No getting around your last name." "Yeah, but it's better than Martinez." "Samuel Lastra Martinez." " What if it's a girl?" " Lucia." "There are a million Lucias." " Sandra." " Sounds too much like Andrea." " Irene." " Not Irene." "Why not?" "Why not?" " I like Marina." " Marina?" "I like the sound ofit." "Hi, Marina!" "We could put her in a French or Italian school." "No, I prefer a normal school." "Otherwise they end up weird." "I'd take him for walks in his stroller, read him stories, take him to the movies..." "When he grows up I'II teach him the birds and bees and all that..." "If I'm pregnant, we should find another apartment." "Nothing upsets someone in love more than being made a fool of." "Which means, reminding them it's a game." "Though the seriousness ofthe game can hurt you for a lifetime." "One year?" "In Canada?" "You couldn't pick somewhere farther away?" "There were no spots in New Zealand." "Seriously, I need a change of scenery." "To see other places." "It helps you see things from another perspective." " You're a bastard." " Why?" "Because you were going to leave without telling me." "I was going to tell you, but when it's confirmed." "You didn't answer my email." " And you didn't call me back." " I said I was sorry in the email." "You're right." "I wanted to write you." "Sure." "Hi." "What's up?" "Fine, fine." "No, I'm with a friend right now." "I'll call you later and we can talk." "Okay." "Yeah, that's good for me." "Anytime." "Perfect." "Okay, I'll call you later." "Yeah, okay." "Talk to you later." "Bye." " You look good." " Actually, I'm doing really well." " I like that building a lot." " That one?" "I always notice it." "Some people say it hides the Almudena, but..." "I think it's doing us all a favor." "I like that it's a normal apartment building built on the ruins of a Moorish wall." "What?" " Nothing, it's just funny." " What is?" "Whenever we see each other now you talk about buildings, squares, fountains..." "You never used to before." "Yes, I did." "But I could tell you werert interested." "You pretended to be, which is worse." " That's a lie." " No." "It's just that I always felt like you did it more for you than me." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "It's possible." "It doesn't matter." "The other day I went to a great lecture by a Swedish architect." "Yeah?" "He had signed up for a contest set up by the government in Rome to remodel one ofits squares." "Architects from all over the world proposed different projects." "He said he went to Rome for a week to see it." "He walked through it at all hours." "He studied it, he lived it." "And after considering a thousand ideas, he arrived at the conclusion that the square was fine like it was." "He didn't see any reason to change it or how to make it better." "He liked it just the way it was." "That was his proposal, to not touch it." " Good." " I thought it was great." "What sucks is he didn't win." "Most architects only want to design spectacular things and they don't wonder why." "Sometimes it's good." "Change can be a good thing." "But sometimes it isn't." "It's unnecessary." " I'm boring you." " No." "I'm boring you." "Forget it, I'm boring you." "No, it'sjust..." "Get up." "I got you something." "Just a little something." "I was in a print shop and..." " Why?" " It's nothing, really." "Great." "Very nice." " You like it?" " Yeah." " Don't open it now." " No." " Don't open it." " Okay, I won't." "Thanks." " What are you doing?" " Kissing you." "Does it bother you?" "Actually, no." "It doesn't." "Hey." "Why did you take down the picture in the bathroom?" "I didn't feel like seeing it every morning." "Trying to erase me from your life, huh?" "I'm not going to Canada." "What?" "What would I do there?" "I don't know." "Didrt you say you needed a change of scenery?" "Yeah, but I've changed my mind." " You've changed your mind?" " Yeah." "When?" "I don't know." "Right now." "Besides, I don't want to be a teacher." "I never wanted to give classes." "A school for boys in the North Pole?" "What nonsense!" " Ramiro, you're crazy." " Why?" " Because." "You can't do that." " Do what?" "Change your mind like that." "It's absurd." "What's absurd is me going to Canada." "I'd rather be with you." "You're kidding me." "You said you wanted to see things from another perspective." " It makes no difference." " Yes, it does." "Yes, it does." "You can't change your mind like that just because we fucked one time." "Did you think I'd fuck you and take off just like that?" "No, no." "Or was it my leaving that made you want to fuck me one last time?" " You kissed me first." " Yeah, so what?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "I thought it was different..." " You thought what was different?" " You." " I thought you had changed." " How?" "Better." "I thought you were better." "Sure, I get it." "You fucked me because you saw me less in love with you, thinking about trips." "Maybe it's what you wanted me to see, with all that bullshit about Canada." "The bullshit about Canada is true." " Now it's true?" " Yeah." " Just as well." " Yeah, just as well." "Because ifl stay here, you might show up." "Hey." "What's the white camper doing here?" " Where was it?" " I don't know." " Did you put it here?" " I don't know, Ramiro." " I thought I'd lost it." " You can keep it." "I don't want it." "I know where it is now." "I really don't care." "Take it with you." " You can keep it." " Ramiro..." " I didn't mean to..." " But..." "IV." "THE PAST LIFE THAT WON'T COME BACK" "Ramiro, what brings you here?" "Hi, Nico." " Long time no see." " Yeah." "Come in." " You look good." " So do you." "You haven't changed one bit." " Something to drink?" " Okay." "I have Coca-Cola, water, juice, Diet Coke..." "A glass of water." "I was going to call you but I lost your number." "Aweek later and you'd have missed me." " I'm moving out." " Yeah?" "Yeah, with my girlfriend." "We bought a house in the suburbs." "It's beautiful, with a backyard and everything." "Incredible." "Our parents helped us out." "It was a wonderful opportunity." "It's 30 miles from Madrid, without the stress of the city." "We even got to see them building it." "We get the keys in two weeks." " That's great." " We're really excited." "I think I saw you with your girlfriend in the street." "Yeah, Vicky." "Next month it will have been four years, but... it feels like we only met yesterday." "It's incredible." "She's wonderful." "We can't wait to have a baby, but we're waiting until we've settled into the house." "Sure." "And Vicky just got promoted." "We work for the same company." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "She's a production coordinator and I'm a screen designer." " It's a video game manufacturer." " You studied Mathematics, right?" "Yeah, but I changed to Information Technology my second year." " I didn't want to end up teaching." " Right." "So how are you?" "What brings you here?" "Well, we're neighbors again." "I'm living with my mom and my grandmother." "Andrea and I broke up a few months ago." "She stayed in the apartment we were living in and I moved out." "I'm here until I find something." " That sucks." " No, we still get along." "Though we hardly see each other." "She's working in an architecture studio." "Look, it's her." "She's with my mom, buying furniture for the house." "What is it, my love?" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "Let me give you the measurements again." "Hi." "Raquel, I hardly recognized you." "The last time you saw me I was 13 years old." "Right, that was..." "When you stole my brother's girlfriend." "Yeah, pretty much." "Were you ever in Carlos Parrocha's class?" "You studied Hispanic Studies, right?" "He's a moron." "I'm doing a paper for his class." "What about?" "Identity, autobiography and the use of models in Sender." " He gave me a good grade." " He's disgusting." "He has tiny threads of drool on his lips." "That's right, how gross." "Did you ever have Rosario Marquez for grammar?" "No." "I have a really boring grammarteacher." "He's nice, but unfit forteaching." "The world of home furnishing!" "Dishes, sheets, appliances..." "Look who's here." "You remember Ramiro, don't you?" "She's doing Hispanic Studies like you did." " Did you graduate?" " Yeah." " What are you doing now?" " I'm still at the bookstore." "I hope I find work someday." "I'm off." "You told Mom you were staying home to study." "I need to get some notes from Maria." "I won't be long." "It's up to you." " See you later." " Bye." " I hardly recognized her." " She's a real piece of work." "When did you and Andrea break up?" " At the beginning of summer." " Oh, right." "I don't know ifit was before that or after." "I saw her in the street once and she looked great." "She was radiant." "But I don't know if you were still together." "She didn't say anything." "Ramiro and Nicolas met back in school." "They were three months apart and considered each other best friends." "Ramiro was more popular with the girls." "But Nico introduced him to Andrea." "When Ramiro started going out with her, they stopped hanging out." "Ramiro had thoughtmany times about rekindling his friendship with Nico." "But he'd never done anything about it." "Seven years later, he realized they had nothing in common anymore." "I read some poems of yours." "No shit." "I always thought you were a poet." "Well, I was a poet for a little while." "A retarded street poet." "I liked them when I read them." "Although I was in love with you." " Don't play dumb, you know it." " No." "You stole my diary and it was all there." "What bastards!" "Yeah, I rememberthat." "Seriously." "If you ever write again, tell me." "My friends organize poetry readings and you could come some time." " Do you participate?" " No, I don't write." "You look like you do." " I do?" " Yeah." "No, I never write poetry." "I've written short stories though." "I'd like to read them." "You let me read your poems and I'll let you read my stories." "But I don't write anymore." " Liar." " Really, I swear." "You know what?" "You still look like a retarded street poet." "I've got to go." "See you around." "We're neighbors now." "Ramiro stopped writing poems shortly after he started seeing Andrea." "He hadrt read them in ages and they werert as bad as he remembered." "He wanted to write a new one." "He opened the notebook Andrea gave to him, and read the dedication." "Some lines of Alejandra Pizamik." "We have to write to nothing, to nobody." "The body remembers a love as soon as the lamp turns on." "If silences is temptation and promise." "Well?" "It's okay, you can tell me the truth." " I like them." " No, really." "You can be honest." "I am being honest." "I really like them." "Yeah, I think they're very good." "I want you to tell me the truth." " They're romantic." "They're good." " I wrote them a long time ago." "I can tell." "They have that... innocence, naivety." "They're good, I like them." " I can see you don't." " Yes, I do." " I liked them." "Don't be a schmuck." " I don't care." "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." " I know they're bad." " They're incredible, Rami." "Rami, they're incredible." "They're magnanimous." "They could be the best thing I've read... in 15 years." "Seriously, don't laugh." "You're a regular Borges." " Okay, okay." " Don't touch me." "Don't touch me because I can't believe you came in." "If you touch me, my heart will burst." "Right now the pain is killing me." "Ramiro remembered the last poem he had written." "About the time you spend waiting for the person you're in love with." "He got the idea one day Andrea had kept him waiting." "She always made excuses that were more or less convincing and Ramiro would threaten to stand her up." "One time he decided to make her believe he'd truly made it." "VI." "DROPPING BALLAST" "Ramiro, there's a girl here asking for you." "Me?" "Hi." " How is this book?" " I haven't read it." "So you're the typical salesman who doesn't know his product." "Yeah, I'm completely oblivious." "The others recommend books they haven't read." "Especially if they cost more than 25 euros." "Would you recommend this one?" "Yeah, this one is very good." "It's sad, but it's funny." "You don't recommend many books, do you?" " Only if someone asks me to." " I came to give you back your poems." " That means you didn't like them." " Yes, but I made a few corrections." " Really?" " No." " Not now, I'm too embarrassed." " They're crap, aren't they?" "Do you want me to tell you the truth?" "Luismi, I'll be right back." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "Take your time!" " I like your bookstore." " It's not mine, it's my uncle's." "Your grandmother told me where to find you." "Okay." "I want to hear your critique." "It isn't easy talking about poetry." "But I really liked them all." "Especially two of them." "There were some I liked less." "The more transparent ones." " Transparent." " Yeah." "I like poetry that is more suggestive." " I think allusions work better." " I see." "You prefer poetry that nobody understands." "No, but I like keeping things mysterious." "Besides, emotion in art is impersonal." "Okay, that's not my expression." "I don't remember who said it, but..." "What I mean is, I like it better when the poet isn't so obvious." " Right." " You always choose the same themes." "Love, sex..." "Is that all you think about?" "Pretty much." "Those are my themes." "I see." "One of them comes to mind." "I think it could use more..." " poetic devices." " Poetic devices." "Yeah." "We left them in the store, but..." " I think I remember it." " No, please." " Yes." " No, it's okay." "It went something like..." " "Your breasts..."" " No." " "Your lips..."" " Come on, they aren't that bad." " "Your ass..."" " They aren't that bad." " Well, close." " Did you bring your stories?" " No." " Typical." "You want me to bring you something so you can demolish me." "On the contrary." "I'd say I liked them even if I didn't." " You're pissed off." " No, I'm not." " Yes, you are!" " No." " You can't be." " No, I think you're right." "No, no, no." "If you took your poems, put them in an envelope and put it in my box, it's because you like them." "So now you have to defend them." "Don't you have anything better to do than come here and beat me up?" "I have my syntax class." "But this is more fun." "So you skipped syntax to come and play literary critic." "Yeah." "No." "Syntax is a required course." "You'd better go back." "What time is your class?" " At six." " You can still make it." "I see you're worried about my future." "So I'd better go." "See you later." "What are you doing?" " What?" " Are you crazy?" "I saw you left them there and I thought I could read them." " I didn't give you permission." " Then why write them?" "So people will read them." "That's the whole point of writing." " Ramiro, that's the point." " I wrote them a long time ago." "Have you considered publishing them?" "I haven't considered crap." "I know a printer who works with small publishers and particulars." " We could do a limited edition." " I'm not going to publish them." "Thousands of books are published in Spain every year." "Why don't you publish one?" "Where are you going?" "Besides, they're very good." "We're getting ourselves in trouble." "We could never be a normal couple." "We'd have to sneak around." "It would be a clandestine relationship, like lovers." "We'd have to fuck in the car, in hotels, meet in other cities..." "I've never had a relationship like that." "Imagine you get home one day and say to your brother: "Hi, Nico." "This is my new boyfriend."" "He opens the door and it's me." " Can you imagine that?" " No." "I'm going to Canada." "You're going to Canada?" "Right now?" "No, in September." "I'm going to teach at a high school." "I can't imagine you teaching." "You can't?" "Why not?" "I don't know, it doesn't fit you." "Why doesn't it fit me?" "I don't know." "Want me to drop you somewhere?" "Yeah." "The married couple is required to live together, remain faithful and help each other mutually, as well as share domestic responsibilities and care for any other family members in their charge." "Ramiro Lastra Garcia, do you take Silvia Esther Delgado as your bride?" " I do." " Okay." "Silvia Esther Delgado, do you take Ramiro Lastra Garcia as your husband?" " I do." " Okay, then." "By the power invested in me I declare you husband and wife." "I wish you a happy marriage." ""The odd thing about the human body is that it is subject to the rules of symmetry." "We have two eyes, two ears, two nasal orifices, two sets of numerically exact teeth, two tonsils, two clavicles, two bronchial tubes, two lungs, two shoulder blades, two nipples, two arms, two kidneys," "two hips, two buttocks, two legs, two testicles, two hands, two feet, two rib cages..." "Who imposed this binary order, apparently identical to a farsighted thought?" "What is the relationship between these two organs or repeated members and those that are unique?" "Like the tongue, the esophagus, the stomach, the heart, the liver, the phallus, the anus..." "We are a combination of the solitary and the double." "Which seems to indicate that whoever created us doubted." "Who in the end, unable to choose sides, opted forthe random, the eclectic."" " It's beautiful." " Yes, it is." "This book only costs 5 euros and it's not easy to find." "Do you have anything by Federico García Lorca?" "Ah, yes." "Federico..." " Federico..." " Lorca, right?" "Yes." "Look, this is all Spanish poetry." "How is Silvia?" " Is she happy?" " Yeah." "She's happy." " But she's pissed you didn't come." " Why?" "It's just a formality, right?" "You were supposed to be the witness." "You'll have to be careful with her now." "Why?" "You should fuck other women to avoid any confusion." "Everyone's at the bar celebrating." "Let's go." " You go." "I'II stop by later." " Come on, Lucas." " Let's go." " No, you go." "Really." "Have you ever written a love letter?" "Why are you asking me that now?" "Because you've never written a love letter." "It's what Pessoa said." "Love letters are ridiculous." "But what's more ridiculous is never having written one." "Fucking great." "You're more romantic than I am." "You break up with a girl and get hung up on her." "You spend the whole time being fucking melancholy, Ramiro." "Then you fuck these wonderful girls and you don't even care." "Because you can't get out of that shit." "You should stop using the verb "to fuck" so much." "Hey, kid." "How are you?" "How's it going?" "Long time no see." "How about some beers?" "When Ramiro and Andrea decided to break up, there were no arguments or reproaches." "Only a feeling of sadness that lasted the next few days." "They'd broken up but were still living together." "Andrea talked about leaving town for a while." "She'd always wanted to live in another city and thought the distance would do them good." "Ramiro agreed, but the idea also frightened him." "One night, Ramiro didn't come home." "He ran into some friends and ended up out drinking all night." "Andrea had stayed home, drawing and wasting time the whole night." "She fell asleep shortly before Ramiro got home." " Did you get any sleep?" " I think so." " Hello." " Hi." "How are things?" "Look." "All of this art will be made obsolete by the Internet." "Thanks to this we have the Bible, the Greeks, Cervantes, encyclopedias..." "It's a shame." "Look, look." "Look how pretty it is." "It's exciting." "Your first book will always be your first book." "It's a moment you'll never forget." "Ramiro, come here." "Here's the first box." "Look how pretty!" " It looks great." " There are 50 copies in each box." " How many boxes?" " Ten." "It smells great." "That means there's something good inside." "No, good no." "Very good." "I think there's a mistake." " What?" " The name is wrong." " What do you mean?" " It says Ramiro Lastre." " What?" " It says Lastre." "Wait a second." "Yeah." "It's not Lastre, it's Lastra." "Ramiro Lastra with an A." "Sure, now I see it." "It's Lastra with an A." "How could this have happened, Miguel?" "It's Lastra with an A." "With an A. Of course it is." "RAMIRO LASTRE TRANSPARENT LOVE" "It's no big deal." "Nobody notices that stuff." "If we don't say anything, nobody will realize." "Besides, if you think about it, it's not a big change." "It doesn't change the meaning." "Lastre, Lastra." "All books have typos." "All of them." "Mine has a typo on the cover." "Look, the first edition of Ulysses was full of typos." "Tons." "I should have checked the layout again." "VII." "TRANSPARENT LOVE" " You have to sign a copy for me." " Hi." " Hi." " I thought you werert coming." " Sorry, I got off work really late." " How are you?" "Fine." "Happy to see you." "Wait." "Let's go somewhere else." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Okay." "Ramiro Lastre." "It's actually funny, isn't it?" " Hey, you didn't signed it." " It's not easy." " Where are we going?" " I don't know." " What is this?" " A letter." "A letter I wrote you." "Read it." "I mean, not now." "Read it later." " You wrote me a letter?" " Yeah." "I was going to be an email." "But I ended up writing a letter." "It's a crappy letter." "You probably won't even be able to read my handwriting." "Basically what I say is that I love you." "Very much." "Don't laugh, it's what I say in the letter." "I think that if I still love you at this point" "I should tell you." "And I also think now is the time to tell you." "I don't know if this is good timing for you..." "I don't know what you've got going, if you have a boyfriend or..." "I haven't given it much thought." "I'm not even saying we should get back together," "I'm only telling you how I feel because I want you to know." "I think I need to tell you all the things I didn't tell you while we were together." "When we broke up I didn't even tell you that I loved you." "I don't know how you feel about it now, but I think breaking up was the right thing to do." "It was probably the only thing we could do, we were young and we'd been together for years and now we're still young and not much time has passed but it's different." "It's true we still have a lot to experience." "But we don't know what exactly." "I don't know about you, but I don't want my life conditioned by the things I'm supposed to do." "Who decided that?" "Why?" "It's nonsense." "I don't want to think about what I'm missing anymore." "We waste our lives thinking about being somewhere else." "It's absurd." "It's pure arrogance." "It only makes you unappy." "It leads to permanent frustration." "I don't want to see life like that anymore." "I'd like to be happier and enjoy what I have more." "At least for a start, I don't know." "I love you and I'm very in love with you." "I've always known that." "But when we broke up, I thought I could afford to reject that." "I thought I could afford to give you up for otherthings and I have no idea what they are." "All I know is this is where I want to be." "All I know is I love you and I'm very in love with you." " You said that already." " I know." "But it had been too long since I said it and I'd like to say more often." "I'd like to spend more time with you." "And love you betterthan before." "And if that's not what you want, too bad for me." "You'll live your life and I'll live mine." "Well, that would suck." "It would suck but I know there are plenty of other women out there for me to like." "Women for me to love." "And plenty of men out there besides me, guys for you to love, who would get to love you, the bastards." "It's not nostalgia either." "I rememberthe rough times." "The bad times we had." "I know that if we start now, like any couple, it might not work." "I don't want to think about that right now." "Right now I'm telling you this and I'm happy with the here and now." "I like your face." "Your face at this moment." "This park with this light." "Right now." "This is where I want to be." "Not five minutes earlier, not five minutes later." "for rutracker.org"