"♪One,two,three...♪" "♪Holdup ♪" "♪Here'sthestory abouta man♪" "♪A simpleman♪" "♪A manwithadream Todotheworldsome good ♪" "♪Here'sthestory forrichandpoor♪" "♪Foryoungand for old ♪" "♪Aboutaman fromthehood♪" "♪Tryingto do  theworldsomegood♪" "♪Here'sastoryaboutaman♪" "♪Aneverydayman ♪" "♪A manwithadream Tobetheheadofstate ♪ [phonerings] [man]AldermanGilliam's office." "Whatareyouupsetabout?" "It's not a black-owned business?" "But it's a Chinese food restaurant." "I know it's fried rice, but it's not fried rice." "[phonerings]" " Hey, honey." " Kim." "How's it going, honey?" " I got tickets tothesymphony." " Really?" " Please don't put me on hold." " I got another call." "VoteforGainesand James." " Million Babies Mamas March?" " It's a very good cause." "No, you'll have to call Rev. Barton for that one." "You can't use food stamps to buy tires." " Alderman Gilliam." " I'm sorry, what can I do for you?" " Your girlfriend's on hold." " Honey, hold on a sec." " Now what was it?" " The bus." "I read they're gonna shut down our bus line." "If they do that, I can't get to work." "Unless they give me a job in that new mall." "Don't worry." "I've been talking to the people downtown." "I promise you this, if they shut down this bus line" "I will drive you to work myself." "You got my word." " Quick!" "Miss Pearl is back." " Okay, I gotta go." "[man]Hi,that'sme." "MaysGilliam." "Aldermanofthe9th ward ofWashington,D.C." "NotthepartofD.C.  thatyou'refamiliarwith." "Iworkin  aneighborhoodso bad, youcangetshot whileyou'regettingshot." "Aroundherewhenpeople havea problem theydon'tcallthe mayor, theycallme ." "Miss Pearl." "What's going on?" "Mays, Dionne is in the house." "I know she is." "I don't know what she's talking about." "There's nobody in there." "Hey, man." "Dionne is her cat." "Whatever." "A cat's got nine lives, she'll be fine." "Can't we let one guy go in there and help this lady get her cat?" "Once they laid the explosives, there's nothing I can do." "She just showed up." "You took the lady's house." "At least let her get her cat." "We didn't take her house." "We gave her $40,000." "What kind of house is she supposed to get with $40,000?" "A crack house?" "She'd be happy to get out of this rat trap." "Who the hell are you to call this place a rat trap?" "This is my neighborhood." "I got my first bike stolen right there." "My daddy got his bike stolen right there." "When I have a son, I hope he's fortunate enough to get stuck up right there." "Can't you go in there and check?" "We looked." "There's nothing in there." " We got work to do here." " Leave the people alone, damn it!" " Let's go." " [cop] Come on, Mays!" " Stop being in such a hurry." " We've been here all morning." " Let the lady go inside." " [Miss Pearl] Dionne!" "Come on, baby." "Sugar baby, come on." "Could you at least cut it off?" "Let the lady get her cat." "Dionne, baby." "I got something for you." " Dionne!" " Miss Pearl, no!" "Dionne!" "All right, turn it off." "Wait till this woman gets her cat." " Shit!" "It's not working." " Cut it off!" "She'd better get out of there." "It's gonna blow." "Miss Pearl!" "Miss Pearl, come out!" "Oh no, Mays!" "Come on!" " You've only got a minute!" " Miss Pearl!" " Fix it!" "Get to work." " I'm trying." "Get a union man on this." "Mays!" "Get your ass out!" "Mays!" "[meowing]" "Gotta get out of here." "They're gonna blow this place up." "They wouldn't do that, baby." "They know we're in here." "Miss Pearl, I love you." "I've known you a long time." "You've seen a lot of things in your life." "Churches burned to the ground." "Dogs sicced on children, Malcolm X killed, JFK killed." "They shut up Mohammed Ali, gave Magic Johnson AIDS and turned Michael Jackson white." "Do you really think these people give a damn about you?" "[yelling]" "[♪ Jay-Z with Beyoncé Knowles:" ""'03BonnieAndClyde"]" "♪Cruisin'down thewestsidehighway♪" "♪Doin'whatwe liketodo ourway ♪" "♪Eyesbehindshades♪ [announcer]Weinterrupt theJay-Zsongtobring youthisbulletin." "Presidentialcandidate SamGainesandhis  runningmateOlsonJames werekilledtodaywhentheir planescrashedintoeachother." "Wenowreturnyou totheJay-Z  songalreadyin progress." "♪Cuzmami'sarida  andI 'ma rolla♪" "♪Putus togetha howtheygon'stopboth us?" "♪" "♪Whatevashelacks I'mrightoverher shoulder♪" "♪WhenI'moff track Mamiiskeepin'mefocused♪" "♪Solet'slockthis down  likeit'ssupposedtobe♪" "[rap music plays]" " What's up, Warren?" " Trying to be like you, hero!" "What's up, man?" "Saving kittens?" " Don't steal my car." " I don't want that garbage." "What am I gonna do, feed your car to my car?" "Let me get ten Nine Lives, four Lucky Ducks, two Straight Pokers, three Crabpots and five Powerballs." "Thank you, here you go." "Y'all need to stop." "Y'all need to stop it now." "Um... why are these people clapping?" " You didn't see me on the news?" " No, I didn't." "I got meat!" "More beef than East Coast, West Coast rap." "Check it out!" "Hey, Superman!" "Saving lives and stuff." "Why don't you cop one of these pork chops?" "You need to leave." "I'm not gonna tell you again." "Nobody wants your meat." "Who the hell wants to buy stolen meat?" " I'll take a T-bone." " You like gizzards too?" "[conversation continues]" "Did you hear about that guy running for president?" " Who's gonna replace him?" " Maybe they should get Shaq." "Nobody can beat him." "Are you getting gas?" "You're holding my line up." "Okay, I'm sorry." "$10 on three." "[♪ '03 Bonnie And Clyde]" "♪AllIneedinthislifeof  sinisme andmygirlfriend♪" "♪Downto ride'tilthe veryend,it 'sme andmy...♪" "You've got a lot of nerve hanging up on me." "Hanging up?" " What's going on?" " I'm leaving you, that's what!" "The only reason I ever accepted this engagement ring from you is because I thought you had potential!" "I thought you wanted more!" "Why can't you just play the game?" "Wear a suit!" "Be a real politician!" "What do my clothes have to do with it?" " Are you seeing somebody else?" " I'm seeing everybody else!" "I've met mosquitoes with more force than you." "I'm tired of your little games and I'm tired of being your little secretary." "Here's the light bill." "I didn't pay it." "Here's the cable bill." "I didn't pay that either." "And here's the bill for your car note." " I hope they take it!" " [car alarm]" "Wait a minute, that's my car!" "Hey, wait!" "Come back!" "I hate that piece of shit!" "I'm tired of spending my time waiting for you to quit acting like a child and act like a grown man for a change, Mays!" "I need to get on with my life!" "I want a house, I want children!" "I want to go on vacation!" "You're horrible in bed!" "[she continues to rant]" "I wish you would." "For the last time, I'm not running for president." "I'm not crazy!" "Gaines was 20 points behind." "It's ten weeks to Election Day." "Damn it." "Those guys should've known better than to talk on a cell phone in a plane." " What about Sanderson?" " That's a joke!" "Lewis has been vice president for eight years." "He's a war hero and he's Sharon Stone's cousin." " What about Mosley?" " Girls." " Connelly?" " Boys." " McMasters?" " Big boys!" "So what, we just concede the election to Lewis?" "Nobody said anything about conceding, Debra, but let's get real here." "We're going to lose this one." "The thing to do is to set the party up for the next election." "We need a candidate that's going to put on a good show." "This isn't a circus, it's a presidential election." "You can't just pick some..." "guy to run for president." "This is unprecedented, but if I put in a call to the party chairman and we find a candidate, he'll back him." "Who's going to run a race they know they can't win?" "Who says he has to know?" "[♪ '03 Bonnie And Clyde]" "♪YoungBcruisin'down  thewestsidehighway♪" "♪Doin'whatwe liketodo ourway ♪" "♪Eyesbehindshades thisnecklacethereason...♪" "What the..." "What now?" "Not my bike!" "Not my bike!" "Not my bike!" "No!" "WhenI wentin there,Iwasn 't thinkingaboutbeingahero ." "Iwasjusttrying tohelpMissPearl." " Miss Pearl." " Miss Pearl." "I think we found our man." "Look at this!" "This is great!" "This is America, see?" "Little guy against big guy, corporations against the people." "Young versus old." "What's better than this?" "Come on!" "Give me a break!" "I'm going to run an alderman for president?" "No." "He's not an alderman." "He's a hero." " Who doesn't like a hero?" " Big business loves a hero!" " See?" " Bill..." "You said we needed somebody who can help the party." "How in the hell does this guy help the party?" "I'm glad you asked." "See..." "United States is changing." "America's changing." "Inside of 20 years..." "you know the numbers." "20 percent black, 21 percent Asian, 39 percent Hispanic." "The minorities will be the majority." "The smartest thing we can do is be the first party to nominate a minority or president." " How about a cripple?" " I don't think so, Charlie." "We'll lose, of course." "But the minorities will be happy." "Theminoritieswillbehappy andtheywillvoteforus in2008because we'veshownwe supportthem." "And the white people will vote for us because..." "our guy isn't black." "You got my vote!" "Geller, why don't you see if you can track down this Mays Gilliam?" "Charlie, go check our accounts." "Give me one good reason why I should go along with this." "Don't you get it?" "I intend to run for president in 2008." "You give me one reason why you shouldn't." "[stutters] He would take a lot of work." "We can run a background check, but it's obvious he's not a party-line candidate." "This is just some kid who thinks he can make a difference." "Don't worry about that." "You just the machine behind him." "You get 25 points in the polls, consider it a win." "Make sure he doesn't embarrass us." "After this is over, we get to work." "When I'm president, I'll take care of you." "Coop, you gotta help me." "They locked me out of my office." "I know." "The mayor's fed up with you." "How many times have I told you?" "You got to quit trying to fix shit." "I could've got you into the council." "Now you're red-lined!" "Shannon's taking over your district." "They need to smooth over this mall situation, that bus thing is heating up!" "They don't trust you." "I'm not stealing people's houses." "That's your problem right there." "You gotta work with us, Mays." "That shit you pulled over there cost the city money." "Makes the mayor look bad." "Contrary to popular belief, politics is no place to express yourself." "You want to get in, you got to fit in." "And look at you." "Grow up, you got to dress better." "Even Puff Daddy wears a suit to court." "I'm sorry, brother, but ain't nothing I can do." "Nice car." "Ain't it, though?" "Got it for a song at the repo auction." "♪Lookforme YoungB ♪" "♪Cruisin'downthe westside highway♪  [thunderclap]" "[instrumental music plays]" "♪Hefeelsbad ,mightylow♪" "♪Gotnowheretogo♪" "♪Whatcanyou do whenyou'refeelinglow ?" "♪" "♪Man,Iwanttoknow♪" "♪Hefeelsbad ,mightylow Gotnowhereto go ♪" "♪Whatcanyou do whenyou'refeelinglow ♪" "♪Andyourcar  justgotrepo'd?" "♪" "Mays Gilliam?" "Here we are." "Mays Gilliam, Debra Lassiter." "Nice to meet you." "Take a seat." "We know what happened today." "We know you lost your job." "How do you know that?" "It just happened." "We're the government." "We know everything." "We'd like you to do something for us." "Sure, I'd love to work on a presidential campaign." "I'll make phone calls, send out fliers." "Who have you guys chosen to run against Lewis?" "Well, that's exactly what we wanted to talk to you about." "We'd like you to run for president." " Of what?" " The United States." " Of what?" " Of America." " Which America?" " North America, Mays." " Get outta here!" " We're not joking!" "We want you to be the nominee for President of the United States of America." "[triumphant music plays] [gunshot]" "Okay, let me get this straight." "You guys couldn't find anybody else to run?" "You couldn't find nobody?" "Something's wrong here." "You couldn't find a congressman, a senator?" " I'm just an alderman." " Congressmen, senators..." "They work with other politicians." "You're an alderman." "You work with the people." "And that's what we want, a man of the people." "This is a big joke, right?" "They got a hidden camera somewhere." "Y'all gonna get a big laugh out of this." "Know what?" "I don't even care." "'Cause one of y'all's gonna drive me home 'cause my bike is messed up." "You an American, Mays?" " Wow!" "It's Bill Arnot." " You an American?" " Yes." " Mays..." "This isn't just an election." "It's a moment." "This is the moment when you have the opportunity to show little boys and girls, men and women, what America's all about." "Look at that." "When I see that I think of our forefathers fighting to make this country what it is." "And I think about the guy who's gotta scrub" "Lincoln's balls for minimum wage." "That's why we want you." "You care about the little people." "So what's it gonna be?" "Itgivesme greathonor toaccepttheparty's nomination forPresidentof the UnitedStatesof America." "No!" "Welcome to your campaign headquarters." "These folks are going to do everything they can to help you get elected." "These are your people." "Oh, here." "Take a look at this." "Hey Mark, is that cued up?" "Roll it, please." "There we go. [chuckles]" "This is a great spot." "[voiceover]Ifyoulove America,voteMaysGilliam forpresident." " Huh?" " But..." "I'm not in it." "You don't even see my face." "It's a template." "We'll get you in there eventually." "There's a couple of people I want you to meet." "This is your security director, Mr. Earl." "You're going to be in good hands." "Pleased to meet you." "If you're ever in trouble, yell "Security!" And my people will handle the situation." "This is your decoy, Mays Junior." "He enters all events before you." "If anything's going to happen to you it'll happen to him first." "Tupac could have used a guy like you." "This is Nicollette White, your executive director of internal liaisons." "You can call me Nikki." "It will be a pleasure to serve you." "I'm available to you around the clock." "Just let me know." " Now, what does she do?" " Oh... she sleeps with you." "We got tired of getting caught up in sex scandals, so we commissioned our own team of super whores." "You call yourself whores?" "Move that fat ass!" "One, two, three!" " These girls are good." " Good morning, Mays." "I took the liberty of choosing options for this evening's fundraiser." "You don't mind, do you?" "I'll wear whatever you need me to wear." " What fundraiser is this?" " It's your coming out party." "Campaigns cost money." "The people you meet tonight have plenty of it." "Geller and I are going to advance the party." "Mr. Earl will bring you eight o'clock sharp." "Here are your off-the-cuff remarks." "Learn them." "See you later." "[torrent of questions]" "Remember, sir, just nod and move." "[questions]" "What do you plan to do about taxes?" "Do you support paternal leave incentives?" "Get my demo to somebody." "Anybody, please." "Don't take unscreened packages." "Security reasons." "Mays, you have some people to talk to." "Tomorrow, work." "Tonight, smile, shake hands and be nice to the wives." "I'll double-check the P.A. system." "You'll make a brief statement at 11." " Let's go." " Let's go." " Alderman, a pleasure." " Hi, how you doing?" "You all right." " I wish you luck, sir." " Arigatou." "[barrage of questions]" "It's a bit like Timberland, and I got a bit of Missy moving up there, but I'm trying to go through that Neptune kind of feel." "Excuse me, the Teamsters are here." "What are you doing talking to the help?" "Gentlemen, Mr. Mays Gilliam." "Guys, I just want to say I'm all for labor, I'm all for unions." "But you know and I know that you guys are gonna endorse Lewis." "We're gonna do what's best for the Union." "Have you decided on a running mate?" "We're thinking about it." "We think you should consider Sanders." "We're considering several options." " Excuse me." " Well, that depends." " What's up with this guy?" " Check out track four." "So what do you have there?" "We got some shrimp puffs and some cheese snacks." "Just some... finger foods." "Thought that was you." "What's up with the two jobs?" "Bad credit?" "Why do I have to have bad credit?" "Why can't I be saving up for a car or for school?" "Maybe I like to work." "Excuse me." "Hey, I'm sorry." "You know what?" "I never got your name." " Lisa." "Lisa Clark." " Hey, Lisa Clark." "Mays." " So why are you being so rude?" " I'm not trying to be rude." "I'm working." "We're not supposed to mingle." "Plus, I don't know you." " You know me." " No, I don't know you." "But you know me." "You've come to the gas station a couple of times and I see you, but I don't know you." "Well, let's get to know each other." " Come on, let's dance." " I have to work." "I know you're working." "I'm working too, so let's keep working." "You want to dance?" " You'll get me in trouble." " Hit it!" "[♪ Nelly:" "Hot In Herre]" "I cannot believe you got me out here like this." " But you like it, right?" " A little." "♪Andalittlebitof... ♪" "♪Goodgracious assisbodacious♪" "♪Flirtatious tryin'toshowpatience♪" "Uh-oh." "I'm feeling it." "I'm feeling it." "♪Lookin'forthe righttime  toflashthemkeys♪" "♪Nodeceivin',nothin'up mysleeveand,noteasin'♪" "♪I needyoutogetup uponthedancefloor♪" "♪Givethatman  whatheaskin'for ♪" "Go ahead, girl." "Work it!" "♪Andcan'tnobody stopthejuice♪" "♪So,baby,tellme what'stheuse♪" "♪I said It'sgettin'hotinhere ♪" "♪Sohot♪" "♪Sotakeoff  allyourclothes♪" "Oh, my God!" " I gotta get back to work." " Come on, stay." "Come on!" "♪Sotakeoff  allyourclothes♪" "♪I amgettin'sohot♪" "Come on, brother." "I know you know how to do this dance." "Sorry, I don't." "I know you know how to do the Electric Slide." "No, I can't say that I do." "Get your ass in there." "♪Ashtray thinkit'stimetosparkit♪" "♪Sotakeitoff likeyou'rehomealone♪" " What the hell is this?" " Where's Mays?" "♪Checkin'yourreflection andtellin'yourbestfriend♪" " Over there." " Oh, my God!" "We've got to stop this." "Excuse us." "♪I amgettingsohot I'mgonnatakemyclothesoff♪" " What do you think you're doing?" " Stop it." "Come on, man." "I'm just trying to get the party started." "Throw your hands in the air!" "And wave 'em like you just don't care." "And if I got your vote for president, let me hear you say "Oh, yeah!"" "[all] Oh, yeah!" "Shake that ass, Grandma!" "Let me see you bounce!" "Bounce!" "Bounce!" "Bounce!" "We got a couple of freaks over there." "[♪ Dr. Dre feat." "Snoop Dogg, Nate Dnogg:" "The Next Episode]" "Let me see you shake!" ""C" walk!" "♪Hey,formyniggaz whobethinkin'wesoft ♪" "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!" " The roof is on fire!" " No, no!" "It's a saying." "It's just a saying." "Come back!" " Aagghh!" " You turned the party out." "I've never seen anything like it." "Great party." "Too bad about the fire." " So where are you off to now?" " I'm not even sure." "We start campaigning tomorrow." "We'll be all over the country." " You need a ride home?" " No, I still have to clean up." "I don't know how long it's going to take." "I could wait." "Are you sure?" "I mean," "I could send a car to pick you up." "No." "Thanks, but I gotta go." " It was good seeing you again." " You too, buddy, old pal." " Can I get a good night kiss?" " No." "[mimics] No." " I'm coming." " She's coming!" "I gotta go." "Good luck and call me if you get a chance." "Okay?" " Didn't you see me talking?" " [Geller] Mays!" " What kind of display was that?" " I was trying to get the party started." "If the party needs to get started, I'll handle it." "Just do what we say." "I don't think everybody appreciated what you did in there." "We really had a great time." "It was off the hizzle for shizzle." " They liked it." " I don't care what they liked." "Mays, darling!" "Are you done yet?" "No?" "If not, it's okay." "I can wait." "But if we hurry, we'll be able to get a table at Jezebel's." "[titters]" "Oh." "Good evening." "We're getting married." "I'm exhausted. [laughs] You know what I can't decide?" "Whether we should have a DJ or a band." "DJ, band." "DJ, band." " Security!" " [screams] [tires screech]" "Thankyouforinvitingme tothelandofmilk andhoney ." "It'syoupeople, thedairypeople, peoplethatmakeeggs, milk,cheese, butter, bacon, that make the country great." "Milk makes the body good and you make the country good." "Thank you for inviting me to Memphis, Tennessee." "It's people like you, the church people, who are the backbone and the spirit of this great land of ours." "I love the Lord, and I love the King, Elvis Presley!" "I want to thank you for inviting me to the Lone Star State." "Home of the cowboys!" "How 'bout them cowboys!" "It's people like you, the ranchers, who are the backbone of this country." "Before I go, I got one more thing to say." "♪Thestarsatnight arebigandbright♪" "♪Deepin theheartofTexas ♪" "It's not bad." "Am I gonna get another speech soon?" "Why?" "What's the matter with this speech?" "Seems like I should be talking about something more relevant." " Relevant?" " People were cheering, but they would cheer if I read them a recipe." "It's not working." "I'm only one point up in the polls." "Don't worry about polls." "They're a sampling." "Polls change." "Don't get ahead of yourself." "We're here to help." "Besides, the people really like you." "Cheer up, we'll be in Chicago in a few days." "You got a brother there, don't you?" "That's when the people find out what you're all about." "But I don't even know what I'm all about." "♪He'saheroofcommonfolk♪" "♪Struttin'through thepromiseland♪ [man]Inthelatestpolls," "MaysGilliamis up just onepointto tenpercent whileVicePresident BrianLewisstillholds acommanding84 percent." "Sixpercentdon'tknow whothey'revotingfor ." "Theyjustknow it'snotGilliam." "When you get out there, listen to the crowd." "Talk to them, make it look like you believe in what you're saying." "OK." "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but this is very important." " I can't stress that enough." " Alderman Gilliam?" "There's a Mitch Gilliam outside." "He says he's your brother." " Mitch?" "Send him in." " Tonight, America is going to get its first impressions of Mays Gilliam." "You know what they say about first impressions." "Look at my little brother." "You said you were gonna call me when you got into town!" "I was trying to call you, but I've been doing press all day." "My little brother, running for president!" "Let me introduce you to Martin Geller, Debra Lassiter." "What's happening, baby?" "Thank you for what you're doing for my brother." " How 'bout you, thriller?" " Nice to meet you." " What do you do for a living?" " Well, I'm a bail bondsman." " Got an office on the southside." " Bail bondsman...!" "Yes, sir." "Wow." "A bail bondsman." "Well, that... that's..." " How's business?" " I'll tell you how business is." "Business is great." "Thank God for crime." "Thank God for crime!" "Could y'all give us a minute?" "Five." "Yow!" "Nice, real nice." "Look at you, man." "I see you all on the shows, politicking." "Like the way your campaign going?" "So." "Look at yourself." "Let me ask you something." "When they gonna let you speak?" "I've been talking all day to the press." "You been talking, but when they gonna let you speak your mind?" "This ain't you." "You gonna say this shit?" "This shit is booty." "Say this if you want to, watch that man come sweep your butt offstage." "Look at this poster..." ""Mays"." "Who are they talking about?" "Willie?" "Let me tell you something." "These are everyday folk, working people." "These are laborers." "Construction workers." "Nurses." "You play the game when you working for them." "This is your campaign." "You supposed to be in charge." " It's time, Mays." " I gotta go." "I love you, man, and I'm with you no matter what." "Okay?" " Go get 'em." " See you out there." "Hey, Mays." "Speak." "[cheering] [man]Chicago,pleasewelcome yournextpresident," "AldermanMaysGilliam." "What the hell is he doing?" "They had a speech written for me about what the people need." "But you guys are the people." "You know what you need." "Better schools, better jobs." " Less crime." " [man] Right on!" "How many of you right now work two jobs just to have enough money to be broke?" " That ain't right." " [man] Sounds like my brother!" "If you work two jobs, and at the end of the week you got just enough money to get your broke ass home, let me hear you say, "That ain't right!"" "[all] That ain't right!" "How many of you have children that they call stupid?" "Don't be ashamed." "It ain't your fault." "I asked my niece the other day, "What's 4 + 4?"" "She said, "44."" "That ain't her fault, that's the school's fault." "If your child's school has old-ass books and brand-new metal detectors, let me hear you say, "That ain't right!"" " That ain't right!" " [Mays] It ain't right!" "Now we got these corporations stealing all the money." "They ain't stealing their money, they stealing our money!" "The pension." "You work for 35 years, you thought you was gonna leave your kids a will, now you gonna leave them a won't!" "You show up to get your pension, they give you a pen!" "A damn pen!" "Now what the hell am I supposed to do with a pen?" "I should have stabbed you in the neck with this pen, Mr. Pension Taker." "Get your hand out of my pocket!" "Takin' everybody's pension, and nobody going to jail." "That's bullshit." "Meanwhile, you or I, we steal a Big Mac with cheese, next thing you know, we on Death Row." "That ain't right!" "How many of you work in a city you can't afford to live in?" "That ain't right." "How many of you work in a mall you can't afford to shop in?" "That ain't right." "How many of you clean up a hotel you ain't never gonna be able to stay in?" " That ain't right!" " That ain't right!" "We got nurses that work in hospitals they can't even afford to get sick in." "That ain't right!" "It ain't right!" "It ain't right." "It ain't right." "It isn't right!" "That shit is wrong!" "It's dead wrong." "I'm Mays Gilliam and I'm running for President of the United States of America." "[crowd chants] That ain't right!" "[chant continues]" "No questions." " [Debra] Move!" " Mays, Mays, Mays." "Mays!" "You go to work." "Handle your business." " If you need me, you call me." " I'm gonna call you." "Are you insane?" "You can't go in front of 5,000 people and just talk!" "You said "shit"." "Presidential candidates do not say "shit"." "Show me a grown man that's never said "shit"," "I'll show you somebody full of shit." "Debra, hold on." "What you just did..." "That was great." "Maybe we could tailor the speeches more to you." " My speeches?" " Come on!" "Did you hear them?" "If this thing is going to work, then it's got to fit me." " It's gotta be my campaign." " This is not your campaign." "You will do what I tell you to or you'll be back in D.C. on your damn bicycle." "I'm the one that's running for president here." "If we're gonna run this campaign, it's got to go my way." "We're gonna do it the way I want it done." "Hold on, I don't know if that's such a good idea." "If you don't know, you better ask somebody." "[♪ DMX:" "Who We Be]" "♪Whattheydon 'tknowis Thebull,thedrama♪" "♪The..." "Thearmor Thecity,thefarmer♪" "♪Thebabies,the mama Theprojects,thedrugs♪" "♪Thechildren,the thugs Thetears,thehugs♪" "♪ Thelove,the slugs♪ -[ woman]Afteraslowstart," "MaysGilliamhasmadechanges inhispresidentialcampaign." "♪Theydon'tknow♪" "♪Whowe be ♪" "♪Theydon'tknow♪" "♪ Whowe be ♪ -[ Mays]Hi,I'mMaysGilliam, candidateforPresident oftheUnitedStates." "Thisismy newheadquarters." "Theindividualsyousee  beforeyouwillhelpme guidemycampaign." "Thesearemy people." "♪Theydon'tknow♪ [newsreader]MaysGilliamis turningtheestablishmenton itsearwithhis new  controversialcampaignads." "♪Whowe be ♪" "♪Theydon'tknow♪ [voiceover] IfyouloveAmerica, voteMaysGilliam forpresident." "Paidforby Citizens forMaysGilliam." "[voiceover]ThepartofMays  Gilliam'ssecuritydirector willnowbe played byMuhammadMuhammadMuhammad." "Child care is one of the most important issues facing this country today." "The working mother has to take her child to a nanny." "The nanny has to take her child to a babysitter." "The babysitter has to take her child to day care." "On the count of three, I want everybody to take care of their own damn kids!" "Whose baby is this?" "It ain't mine!" "Gay people want what every American wants." "A good house, a good job!" "I believe in gay rights because when I see gay people all I'm seeing are people, normal people like every other American." "[dance music plays]" "Thank you for inviting me to the Player's Ball!" "America needs to change its ways." "I promise if I'm your president, I will take care of everybody." "Big business and small business, show business and ho business." "[phonerings]" " Hello, Debra." " Bill..." "I am in Detroit at a Player's Ball with pimps and whores." "Excuse me, hoes!" "Ican'tdo this." "Yougottagetmeoutofhere." "Ican'tcontrolhim ." " He won't listen to me." " No, Debra, I need you there." " This is going great." " But..." "This is what we wanted." "I love this guy. "That ain't right."" " He thinks he can make a difference!" " Bill..." "Debra." "Stop worrying." "This will work out fine." "Bye." " Don't I know you?" " No!" "[down-tempo music plays]" "♪Hefeelsgood Thingsaregoinghis way ♪" "♪Hejustmightbe Thepresidentsomeday ♪ [brass band continues tune]" "Mays?" "Darling?" "I've been thinking I want a small wedding." "I think I want 150, maybe 200 people." "I know I've always said I wanted a wedding in a church, but lately I've been thinking about the Botanical Gardens." "We could do it by the tulips." "It'll be beautiful." " Security!" " [screams] [tires screech]" " Who the hell is Mays Gilliam?" " He's running against you, sir." " What happened to..." "Gaines?" " He died in a plane crash." "Get out of here." "Gaines is dead?" " Don't you remember?" "It was on the news." " Not my news." "This fellow Gilliam is an alderman from D.C." " He took Gaines' place, sir." " I'm running against this guy?" " Yes, sir." " Well!" "That is some bullshit!" "This is my time." "I've been vice president for eight years." "I am a war hero and I am Sharon Stone's cousin." "I'll be damned if I let my election be ruined by this asshole!" "I want this guy done." "You hear me?" "Finish him!" "He will destroyed, sir, as you wish." "[voiceover]Thisis  theWhiteHousewithout" "MaysGilliam." "Peaceful,isn'tit ?" "Nowthisis theWhiteHouse ifGilliamis elected." "Let'skeepMaysGilliam outoftheWhiteHouse." "VoteBrianLewisfor president." "It'syourlastchance." "How do you want to handle this?" " I don't want to go negative." " Mays...!" "Nobody wants to hear that." "I want people to vote for me, not against Lewis." "People don't know what they want to hear." "We have to respond." "I think we go with something measured." " Let's call him on his record!" " You can't challenge Lewis on his record when Mays doesn't have one." "How about a massage?" "[man]Ladiesandgentlemen, pleasewelcomepresidential candidateMaysGilliam!" "[cheering]" " [cheering]" " Thank you." "[radiopresenter]Thisis ConservativeTalk520." "You'relisteningto BigDave." "Negativeads." "Lewisisup, Gilliamisdown." "Ithinkit 'sgreat." "Bottomline." "Idon 'tthink" "IwantGilliamand his homies tobein my WhiteHouse." "Peoplearesaying theseadsaredirtypolitics." "Isaygivemea smallbreak !" "We'renottalkingaboutrunning aribshack,we'retalking abouta country!" "He's running for president and every vote counts!" "Ladies and gentlemen, Mays Gilliam!" "[man]Iftheseads are sobad,  whyhasn'tGilliamsaid anything?" "Caller." "[ caller]HowardSternrocks!" "You'reon withBig Dave." "[caller# 2]Gilliamhasn't respondedbecausehe has toomuchintegrity." "[Mays cries out]" "Hey, Mays, we just got endorsements from Raekwon the Chef and Ghost Face Killa." " Is this good?" " It's great." "Where are we on this running mate thing?" "I've been making calls." "Nobody wants to run with you." " Who did you call?" " Everybody." " Did you call Hammer?" " No, I did not call Hammer." "Then you didn't call everybody." "[girl] Mr. Gilliam, can I have your autograph?" "I'll be right back." " Should we call Hammer?" " No!" " Here you go." " Say cheese!" "[man]MaysGilliamdid not  attendthisyear'sannual rallyagainstcancer." "IsMaysGilliamfor cancer oragainstcancer?" "MaysGilliam,he 'sforcancer." "VoteBrianLewisfor president." "It'syourlastchance." "[girl] Cancer lover!" "No, he does not get away with this crap." "This is what we're going to do." "Ever watch Bugs Bunny?" "Him and Elmer Fudd would fight all the time." "Bugs would shoot him in the face and drop an anvil on his head." "But what made Elmer really mad was when Bugs Bunny kissed him." "That what we gotta do." "We gotta kiss this bitch." " How do you propose we do that?" " Watch this." "Hi, I'm a Klansman." "I hate niggers, Jews, and fags, but I love Brian Lewis." "[voiceover]Yo,what'sup?" "I'mOsamaBinLaden." "IhateAmerica, butI loveBrianLewis." "[femalevoiceover] Paidforby OsamaBin Laden." "SharonStoneis adefector." "That'swhatLewiscampaign insidersaresayingabout thestarandcousinofLewis  afterStone'ssurprise endorsementofMaysGilliam." " I don't believe it!" " [knock on door]" "Yeah!" "I know!" "I know!" "Did you hear..." " What are you doing here?" " Gilliam is over 30 points." "That means even if he loses he's the frontrunner in 2008." "In case you've forgotten, I intend to run for president in 2008, and I am not running against him." "This is over." "Either you put a stop to it or I will." "I came on board to run a campaign for a man we didn't expect to win, not to sabotage him so he'd lose." "Come on!" "You're in this as thick as I am." "Of course he's supposed to lose!" "That's why we picked him." "Are you with me or are you with him?" "I thought you wanted what was best for the party." " I'm what's best for the party!" " What's the matter, Bill?" "Democracy doesn't work for you when you're not winning?" "I'm with him." "I'm with him?" " Who are these people again?" " The Urban Business Board." "What are your plans for Social Security?" "Give it to old people." " Your plans for global warming?" " Global ice tea." " You the man!" " You the woman!" "I want to introduce you to Chester Norris Allen." "He owns a bottling plant in D.C." "and I spoke to him about our problem." " We've got a nice check for you." " We can't take your money." " You guys sell malt liquor to kids." " I do no such thing." "Come on, man." "It's orange beer with a nipple top." "Now, who's that for?" "It's Crib Malt Liquor, man!" "He's unbelievable!" "We need that money!" "Why do you make everything so difficult?" "It's Crib Malt Liquor!" ""Crib Malt Liquor, just like Mama used to make"?" "Whose mama?" "Not my mama!" "[woman]Thesituation isgettingtense withthethreatofthe buslinebeingshutdown ." "Protesterstooktheirconcerns totransitofficials, buttalksbrokedownwhen  thenewlyappointedalderman," "ReginaldShannon, waspunchedin theface byanangryprotester." "[TVoff]" " Good evening, sir." " What's up, Nikki?" "Well, I noticed you weren't at the party, so I thought if there is anything you'd like for me to do, I would be happy to." " Could I ask you something?" " Yes." "You know, you seem like a nice girl." "How'd you get into this line of work?" "Oh." "Well..." "I went to the University of Nebraska, where I majored in Theatre and Communications." "I did some extra work and a couple of things that went straight to video." "Okay." " Can I ask you a question?" " Yeah, sure." "Since I've been here, you haven't really given me any... assignments." "I was wondering if you find me attractive." "I think you're..." "I think you're very attractive, it's just that..." "I like to get to know people before I get involved." "I don't mean to be out of line, sir, but..." "Are you?" " [hoarsely] Am I what?" " Trying to get to know somebody." " It is late." "I'm out of here." " You need to take a cab." "I'll be fine, I'm just gonna walk." " Take a cab!" " I'll be fine." "I'll walk." "Need a ride?" "So where are we going?" "I just thought I'd give you a little tour." "[♪ Al B. Sure!" ":" "Nite  Day]" "♪I cantellyou how Ifeel  aboutyounightand day ♪" "If you look over there, it's the Lincoln Memorial." "Lincoln freed the slaves, but before he did it, he said," ""First, you niggers gotta build me a statue."" "Now, right there is the Jefferson Memorial." "Jefferson had a black mistress." "He said, "All men are created equal, but black women got the nicest ass!"" "He said it!" "That's the Treasury." "If you look real hard in the window, you can see Oprah counting her money." "Twenty trillion one, twenty trillion two..." "Hey, Oprah!" "I mean, what's it like, traveling all over the country and meeting all those people?" "I like it." "I like traveling, I like meeting the people." "It's just sometimes, you don't know if people like you for you." " Know what I mean?" " Well, I like you for you." " And I think you're okay." " Just okay?" "I'm just playing." "You know, I forgot how nice D.C. was." "I'm always working." "I never get a chance to check it out." "Maybe you need to take advantage of what's in front of you." "You never know, you may look up some day, and it might not be there." "[man] Freeze!" "Put your hands up in the air and step away from Mr. Gilliam!" "It's okay, it's okay!" " What the hell are you doing?" " What the hell are you doing?" "You can't go dashing off in the middle of the night with some damn girl!" "Something's happened." "We gotta pack and get out of here." "Will somebody make sure that she gets home safely?" "[Debra] We have a plane waiting." "[newsreader]InFloridatoday, gunsandexplosives werefoundat aschool." "Noonewasinjuredinthe incident,butwithjust sixweekstillElectionDay,  thiscouldbe ahot-button issueforbothparties." "Nowbackto theJay-Zsong  alreadyinprogress." "Get me a gun in case another one of these kids tries to get crazy." "This could work in our favor." "Florida is a big Second Amendment state." "This is serious." "This is not the Player's Ball." "You can cut into Lewis' numbers." "Talk about the kids, not about the guns." " If I get shot, everybody's fired." " [reporter] Mr. Gilliam!" " One question here." " There's been an outcry that something needs to be done about school violence." "What do you plan to do about this?" "I feel we need to talk to our kids." "Because our kids are all... [words are drowned out by chopper]" "[Lewis] Excuse me." "Hello, children." "Good morning." "I'm so sorry this happened." "Pay attention." "This is going to be a class:" "Bullshit 101." "Ladies and gentlemen, our American children are hurting today." "And I think we need to reach out to them and give them all a good old-fashioned American hug." "Now, America is the greatest country on the face of the Earth." "And I just want to say today, God bless America." "And no place else." "Thank you." "Thank you, children." "No more bombs, now!" "And don't use guns." " That went well." " That was very touching." " Kids like me." " You were very genuine." "They responded." "I tried to hug a girl and a boy, so I wouldn't seem sexist." "V.P. Lewis!" " Mr. Vice President." " Welcome to the show." "I'm surprised you're not off with your girlfriend." " How'd you know about her?" " I'm the government, son." " I know everything." " Sir, we really should debate." "Let's get something straight." "I don't know you and I don't like you." "The party's over." "I'm fixing to whip your ass." "You got it?" "Sir, we really should debate." "God bless America!" "And no place else!" "Sir." " We got this off the uplink." " What is it?" "An off-the-record comment by Mays Gilliam." " Bad?" " Yes, sir." "Good work." "Oh, it's on!" "You guys, come here." "The press is in Lewis' back pocket." "[Lewis]Goodmorning,children!" "InthisCNBNewsexclusive, ourcamerascaughtGilliam makingwhatwasarguably themostcontroversial statementoftheday ." "What?" "Whatdoyouexpect?" "Theyactlikeus." "We'rebombingcountries allthetime." " If I was 12, I'd have a gun." " Tell me you didn't say that." "I didn't know the camera was on me." "I was playing around with some sound guy." "You didn't know the camera was on you?" "You didn't know the camera was on you?" "Of course it's on you." "It's always on you!" "You're running for president, dammit!" " I told you from the beginning." " This is all your fault." "You did not listen to me!" "Gilliamisnowunder investigationbytheFBI  forhisinvolvement withthisman friendandassociateand  accuseddruglordWarrenPryor." " Oh, Lord, we're going to jail." " We're not going to jail." "Is it true?" "What's up?" "I know him, but I don't" ""drug-lord" know him." "It's a guy I say "What's up?" to." " But I don't know him know him." " Do you have drugs on you?" "Get them off because I'm not going to jail for you." "Are you on the pipe?" "[man]♪ Thisis messedup Thisreallysucks♪" "♪Everytimeyou 'redoinggood  troublejustpopsup♪" "♪Hedoesn'tknow whathe'sgonnado♪" "♪Hedoesn'tknow whathe'sgonnado♪" "♪Thisis messedup Thisreallysucks♪" "♪Keepyourheadup it'syourbestbet ♪" "♪Let'sjusthope theelection'snotthrough♪" "And I repeat, if you see Mays Gilliam, please do not call the authorities." "Just do whatever you can to make his life a living hell." " [babble]" " No more questions!" "If I see Mays Gilliam, I'm gonna bust a cap in his ass." "[Dave]Gilliamis doneand  BigDavesays,"Waa-waa!"" "God." " What am I gonna do?" " What are you worried about?" "It's not like your face is on the side of a bus." "I'm the one who'll take a hit for this." "Why don't we get me on the news so I can make a statement, apologize?" "That's what the people want to hear." "You're probably right." "Make a statement, try and sound sincere." "Just give me a break!" "Do you think you can say you're sorry and this is gonna go away?" "You're running for President of the United States of America." "Do you have any idea why they chose you?" "[gunshot]" " We picked you because you're the guy..." " Shut up!" "You're here to lose, Mays." "Arnot picked you so you could lose." "Come on, just think about it." "If they really had any idea that they could win this thing, do you think they would have chosen an ignorant-ass nigger like you?" "Okay, wait up." "I know you're not calling me an ignorant nigger and thinking that you're staying on my bus." "I am not getting off this bus." "We're in the middle of nowhere." "So now you need a ride from an ignorant nigger." "I am not getting off this bus." " Apologize." " No." " Security!" " [screams]" " [tires screech] - [faintly] Damn you, Mays Gilliam!" "So you knew about this all along, huh?" "Mays..." "Is there trouble inside the Gilliam campaign?" "That's what insiders want to know after Gilliam's chief advisor," "DebraLassiter, leftthecampaigntrail." "[man]Downin thepolls, Gilliamstillhasno runningmate." "[man]Sourcessaythe  TeamstersmayendorseLewis." "[woman]GilliamkillJon Benet Ramsay?" "Policewanttoknow ." "[man]Thebigquestion:" "whereisMaysGilliam?" "[Dave]I 'lltellyouwhere he'sat." "He 'swithhis peeps!" "[phonerings] [phonerings]" " Hello." " You up?" "I was hoping you would call." "Where are you?" "Are you okay?" "I don't know." "I guess I'm all right." "Okay, come on, talk to Mama." "I don't know." "It seems like they're trying to get me." "Like everywhere I turn, they're trying to put a foot in my ass." "After what you said, you need a foot put up in your ass!" "What did you expect?" "They were gonna just make you president?" "It's like they take a poll for everything I do." "You ever been to a horse race?" "My dad used to take me all the time when I was little." "Youknow,thehorses, theywearblinders." "They don't even see each other." "They just run their race." "Sodon'tworryaboutLewis, don'tworryaboutthe press." " Just run your race." " Okay, let me ask you something." "Okay." " What are you wearing?" " [gasps]" "Oh,now,youknow youneedto stop!" "Man, news travels fast." "Not ten minutes after you fired me, I had two offers for jobs." " Good offers." " What are you doing here?" "I know you got no reason to trust me, but I'm asking you to." "You've got five weeks left." "I know Lassiter is out, but I think..." "I think I can help you do this." "I want to help." "And..." "I'm sorry, Mays." "I don't know what else to say, but as bad as things look, I don't think you should quit." "Who said I was quitting?" "I wish I could quit." "I wish it was that easy." "You're lucky." "You are so lucky." "You don't know how good you got it." "You just represent yourself." "Me?" "I represent my whole race." "If I quit, there won't be another black candidate for fifty years." "All right." "We can get rid of the school thing with a statement that will blow things over." " But we need a running mate." " Who am I supposed to pick?" " Nobody wants to run with me." " We need somebody we can trust." " Who do you trust?" " [upbeat music plays] [newsreader]Inthemidstof hisownCinderellastory," "Gilliamisshakingitup." "He'schosen hisbrother,MitchGilliam, abailbondsmanfromChicago, ashisrunningmate." "[man]Politicalanalysts saythismaybetoolittle, toolate." "I'm with the Pork Commission." "I'm from the Athlete's Foot Founda..." "Brother!" "Can you get my demo tape to somebody?" " Are these your bags?" " Look at my shoes and at my bags." " Shut up and follow me." "Mays!" " Mitch!" "Mr. Gilliam." "What do you have to say about your brother's controversial comments?" "My gosh, lady, my brother said he was sorry." "Let it go." "See, that's why nobody like your ass." "We got a lot of work to do." "We're way behind in the polls." " Am I getting paid?" "Let's go." " Oh, yeah." "You're running for the vice presidency." "You're a bail bondsman." "You have no Washington experience, no political experience or connections." "How does being a bail bondsman qualify you to be vice president?" "People come to me when they in trouble, like the United States." "We bail people out." "We bail out Mexico, the savings and loan, the airline industry." "Now you ask me, sir, what qualifies me to run for vice president." "When the country's in trouble, I'll bail them out." "Hold that thought." "We have a caller from Detroit." "Go ahead." "[man]Hey,Mitch." "Whatyoulookingroundfor?" "It'sReggie,motherf..." "Wheremymoneyat?" "Don't call me with that bullshit." "You see I'm on TV." " How do you feel about NATO?" " I never met Nato." "I don't talk about people behind their back." "NATO is the North Atlantic Treaty Organization." "I thought you were talking about this guy named Nato Jacobs." "But you have to know these things." "Do you know Nato Jacobs?" " I know what NATO is, sir." " Do you know Nato Jacobs?" "I'm sorry, I haven't met the gentleman." "That's what I said." "You know nothing about Nato, I know nothing about NATO." "Why are you out here since inmates don't have the right to vote?" "It's not about the vote." "We're looking out for the convicts." "See, we want to make sure when they get out they stay out, they better their education and become more productive citizens." "That's what my brother and I are about." " What's up, man?" " Shorty G!" " Good to see you, boy." " This is Shorty G. I arrested his ass." "I thought you got the chair, boy." "Mr.Gilliam,howwouldyoudeal withwhite-collarcrime?" "First,there'sno suchthing aswhite-collarcrime." "Andthere'sno suchthing asblack-on-blackcrime." "Crime is crime." "Let me explain something to you." "I don't care if you have a white collar or a tank top." "If you rob me, I'm gonna whup your ass." " [chuckles]" " I'm Janet Silvers reportinginWashington,D.C., wheretransitoperators..." "I wish we could get to the White House." "Why?" "So you can have a cook-out?" "They were just talking about your ward." "Yeah." "What's going on down there?" "They want to cut bus service until they finish this construction." " I should go down there." " So you can blow up the bus line?" "One thing at a time." "The Teamsters haven't endorsed Lewis." "Our numbers are creeping back up." "But if we want a shot at this, we gotta get Lewis to debate." "He knows that." "That's why he won't debate me." "The guy's avoiding me like he owes me child support." "The man is scared." "He's hoping the clock'll run out." "That's a punk move." "Ducking and hiding like a little bitch!" "That may be, but he's not going to debate you because you call him a little bitch." "We feel that what this community needs..." "What the community needs is for you to debate me right now!" "Tell the people that!" "I thought I told you that we won't stop." "Well, now, my agenda..." "I'll tell you about our agenda." "Our agenda is to have a debate now." "Get rid of this zero and talk to the hero." "You got time to jog, but no time to debate?" "You can run, but you can't hide." "I thought I told you that we won't stop." "Lookingforthenews?" " The news is we want a debate." " No!" "Whatdidyou  changethechannelfor ?" "He'sscared." "Oh, God!" "A wordfromour sponsor." "Wewantadebate." "IthoughtItoldyou thatwewon'tstop." " [taunts continue]" " No!" "Yo, Lewis!" "Your mother's ass is so big, when she sits down, she's three feet taller." "Yo, Lewis!" "Your mother got a really big ass!" "Sir, I think it's time we prepare for a debate." "Give me one good reason I should debate that jerk." "He talked about your mother, sir!" "So what?" "Are you going to just let him talk about me like that?" "After some inventive chiding on the part of Alderman Mays Gilliam," "Vice President Lewis has finally agreed to one debate thenightbeforethe election." "Baby brother, this is it." "You ready?" "All right, I guess." "What you mean, you guess?" "You either ready or you ain't." "Hey, man." "What's your problem?" "I'm ready, okay?" "No, you ain't." "Look at you." "This ain't gonna get it." "You gotta dress for the job you want, not for the job you got." "You ain't talking about my clothes." "Come on, now." "This ain't about me." "If I got a good idea, it shouldn't matter" " what the hell I'm wearing!" " You know you messed up, man." "Boy, I'm telling you right now." "You know, this ain't about me!" "Okay?" "Lewis ain't no punk." "He ain't no joke." "That man has been vice president for eight years." "He's a war hero." "He's Sharon Stone's cousin." " You better come correct." " Oh, yeah?" "Yeah?" "Well, I got us this far!" "That's as far as you're gonna get!" " Oh, it's like that?" " That's the way it is." "Geller and them up there are pumping your head up." "But Lewis'll smack it back down!" " Oh, yeah?" " Yeah." "Ho-ho-ho-ho!" "Motherfucker!" "Oh, my God." "Little brother, you all right?" "That's what your ass get." "You need anything?" "'Cause it look like you need help." "You gonna get yours!" "I'm gonna tell Ma!" "You better not tell!" "[phonerings]" " Hello." " Debra." " Mays." " No." "Mays, look." "Don't intrude in my life any more." "I don't want to have anything to do with you, not after the way you treated me." "I'm sorry I threw you off the bus." "It was wrong." "I just couldn't take what you were saying." " Mays, what do you want?" " I wanna win." "[applause]" "Welcome to New York City for the 2004 presidential debate." " Where is he?" " I don't know." "He was behind me." " Should I go look for him?" " People are getting nervous." " We gotta do something." " I can do something." "[both] No." "Ladiesandgentlemen, VicePresidentBrianLewis." "[applause]" "Wait, wait, here they come." "Sweet!" " Hello, Martin." " I'm sorry I'm late." " I had to change." " Mr. Earl, nice to see you." " Nice to see you too, sir." " Let's move." "There are 250 million people out there deciding who to vote for." "They all know Lewis didn't want to debate you." "Show 'em why." " Stay focused." " Take your time." "But if he get out of pocket, you put your foot in his ass." "By the way, nice suit." "Fuhbuh?" "[all] FUBU." "Even I knew that." "Mays?" "[moderator]Ladies andgentlemen,Alderman MaysGilliam." "Yo, when Martin coming on, man?" "My mama told me to whup your ass." "The first question is directed by coin-flip to the vice president." "Vice President Lewis, what steps should be taken to limit our youth's access to violent materials?" "Our American children's futures are at stake here." "I say we need to study this issue and appropriate legislation that will return us to an America we can be proud of." "God bless America, and no place else." "Alderman Gilliam." "Same question, please." "How do we limit violent material?" "Turn it off." "And if the kids cut it back on, knock 'em out." "That's why I don't smoke." "When I was a kid, my daddy caught me smoking, and he knocked me out!" "To this day, I don't smoke." "Not because I'm scared of cancer." "I don't smoke 'cause I think my dad's gonna walk through that door and knock me the hell out!" "Knock out your kids." "It helps!" " [chuckling] - [shrieks]" " Yes!" " Vice President Lewis, with over 10,000 gun deaths per year in the United States, do you believe we need stricter gun control laws?" "I don't think we need more gun control." "I say we enforce the laws that are already on the books." "See, the problem is, nobody reads the books." "What we need to do is start putting laws on videos." "'Cause everybody watches videos, MTV, BET." "We need to put some laws on the Nelly video." "If you had some laws on a Destiny's Child video right now, you could stop crime." " We already have gun licensing." " That's only to carry the gun." "I say we let the people decide." "People can't decide." "People are busy getting shot in the ass." " [crowd chants] Mays Gilliam!" " My brother." "That's another reason I say he's not qualified." "Why, 'cause I had the good sense to pick my big brother to be my running mate?" "All right, alderman." "I didn't come here to argue with you." "Oh, yes, you did." "A debate ain't nothing but an argument." " A debate isn't an argument." " Oh, yes, it is." " No, it isn't." " Oh, yes, it is." " No, it isn't." " Oh, yes, it is." "[theycontinue]" " I know you are, but what am I?" " I know you are, but what am I?" "[theycontinue]" "Can we move on?" "This is ridiculous." "Gentlemen, our next question comes from..." "I have a question." "Would you like our reception to be buffet style or formal seating?" "Keep in mind, if you put Robert next to Nelson, he's going to be angry because he wanted to be your best man." "[all] Security!" " I love you so mu..." " [tires screech]" "The candidates have agreed upon a short closing speech." "Vice President Lewis won the coin toss." " He has elected to go first." " Thank you." " No, it isn't." " Yes, it is." "Tonight you have seen two different men with two very different points of view battle to win your vote." "This is what America is all about." "Now, as we've seen tonight," "Alderman Gilliam can be captivating and entertaining." "But America needs more than that from its commander-in-chief." "ToleadAmerica, ittakesexperience." "Now,I 'vebeenvicepresident forthelasteightyears." "I'm a war hero and I'm Sharon Stone's cousin." "And to me, America is like a fine performance car." "And now is not the time to turn this fine vehicle we call America over to the hands of an amateur." "I'm Brian Lewis, and I am your last chance." "God bless America, and no place else." "Oh, yeah." "It's over now." "Why do you have to be so negative?" " Give me five." " [cries out in pain]" "Thank you." "Thank you." "Hold it!" "[applause and cheering]" "Alderman Gilliam?" "You're right, Vice President Lewis." "I am an amateur." "When it comes to creating so many enemies that we need billions of dollars to protect ourselves, yes, I'm an amateur." "When it comes to paying farmers not to grow food while people in this country starve every day, yes, I'm an amateur." "When it comes to creating a drug policy that makes crack and heroin cheaper than asthma and AIDS medicine, yes, I'm an amateur." "There's nothing wrong with being an amateur." "The people that started the Underground Railroad were amateurs." "Martin Luther King was an amateur." "Have you ever been to amateur night at the Apollo?" "Some of the best talent in the world was there." "James Brown, Luther Vandross, Rockwell, the Crown Heights Affair." " Hall and Oates!" " The Fat Boys, Rob Base." "But you wouldn't know nothing about that." "Why?" "'Cause when it comes to judging talent and potential, you, my friend, are an amateur." "[cheering]" "I believe the alderman is over his time." "No, you had eight years to talk." "Now it's my turn." "I'm gonna get mine." "I'm getting mine!" "Hold your applause, please." "How can you help the poor if you never been poor?" "How can you stop crime if you don't know no criminals?" "How can you make drug policy if you never smoked the chronic?" "How can you do that?" "Just a nickel bag!" "I'm a real American." "I've been high, I've been robbed, I've been broke." "My credit is horrible." "They won't even take my cash!" "You're always talking about "God bless America, and no place else."" "But isn't it obvious that God has blessed America?" "America is the richest, most powerful nation on Earth." "If America was a woman, America would be a big-titty woman." "And everybody loves a big-titty woman!" "So in closing, I'd like to say, you are full of shit!" ""God bless America, and no place else"!" "How about "God bless Haiti"?" "How about "God bless Africa"?" "How about "God bless Jamaica"?" "I'm not talking about the beach tribes you all love." "I'm talking about stabbing Jamaica." "That's what I'm talking about." "So tonight I want to say, God bless America, and everybody else!" "The whole world!" "God bless you!" "I'm Mays Gilliam and I'm running for President of the United States of America." "Ya heard?" "Now we can watch Martin !" "[phonerings]" " Hello." " Well, good morning, Mr. President." " Hey, what time is it?" " I think it's a little after 7:00." "[woman]Lisa, Ineedsomehelpinhere!" "Will you wait a damn minute?" "Iwasso proudofyou." "Youwereso goodlastnight." "Okay." "Lisa." "Tonight I want to see you, okay?" "No matter what, win or lose, I want to see you." "I don't know." "I might have to work." "But look, if I don't see you tonight, I will see you soon." "Run your race, get out there, and do what you gotta do, okay?" " I'll talk to you later." " All right." "[newsreader]It'sElectionDay , Tuesday,November8th,2004." "[newsreader# 2]Thestage issetforone ofthemost dramaticfinalesof alltime." "[newsreader# 3]Thequestion everyone'saskingis ,"Whowill Americavotefor?"" " Lewis." " I voted for Mays Gilliam." " I voted for big business." " I voted for Lewis." " Who the fuck you think I'm voting for?" "Thereappearsto be agreement betweenofficials andtransitauthorityoperators regardingtheshutdown ofthe9thWardbusline." "Idon'tseehow  theycoulddo thistous." "Peoplegotto makemoney." " People got to get to work." " Show them how you do it." "♪Theroof,the roof, theroofis on fire!" "♪" "You're not going to believe this." "We got the Teamsters!" " Yes!" " That's great!" "They're going to announce it later today." "All you have to do is show, shake hands, take photo, but it is yours." "Mays!" "What's the matter?" "If they shut down bus service, I will drive you to work myself." " Can't do it." " But it's Election Day!" "You have to." "You said you want to win." "You can't snub the Teamsters." "You want them to endorse Lewis?" "I'm not worried about Lewis." "I'm running my race." "Go ahead, baby brother." "I got this." "But Mays..." "Debra!" " You're going to let him go?" " He's a grown man." "They shut down the whole bus line." "What can he do about that?" "[♪ Nelly:" "Hot In Herre]" "♪Sotakeoff  allyourclothes♪" "♪Gettin'so hot Iwannatakemyclothesoff♪ [woman]Inthelatestexit  poll,Lewishas51percent." "He got to vote." "[man]WhileMaysGilliam isposting47 percent." "You gotta get to the back of the bus." "I'm just playing." "Come on." "[woman]HeandVicePresident Lewisarein adeadheat ." "Come on, hoes!" "[man]WhileLewis andMitchGilliam havebeenon the campaigntrail," "MaysGilliamhasbeenout drivingpeopleto work." "♪Theroof Theroofis on fire!" "♪" "Damn it!" "Why didn't somebody think of this?" "Why am I not out there driving a damn bus?" "Get me an SUV, or a mini van, or a bus, or a scooter, or a motorcycle, or a rickshaw." "Get me some wheels, bitch!" "Are you going uptown?" "Come on, Mays!" "Wait a minute, Mays!" "We could write our own vows!" "Mays!" "I love you!" "I love you, Mays!" "[woman]Withthepollsthirty minutesfromclosing hereontheEastcoast," "Mays Gilliam is actually ahead by several points." "There is no question that Lewis has Texas." "It seems clear Gilliam is going to take New York." "New York!" "New York!" "New York!" "It's likely Lewis is going to take Michigan." "It looks like Gilliam might just pull an upset in Illinois." "Illinois!" "Illinois, yeah!" "Go, Mays!" "This looks like it may come down to California." "This looks like it may come down to California." "This looks like it may come down to California." "[crowd oohs and ahs]" "All right, I need to know." "How real is this?" "Can we win without California?" "We stand a good chance if you call in your connections to the energy company." "No, you can't win without California." " What the hell are you doing?" " Oh, shut up." "You want to win, you'll do what I tell you." "Gilliam has over 90 percent minority turnout." "The whites are the majority, but they're not voting." " They don't like you." " I like you, sir." " Shut up!" " Okay." "What can we do to turn this around?" "There's one and a half hours left at the West Coast polls." "If there's a leak saying Gilliam is going to win, you'll get a late rush." "You get California, you get the election." "It'll make the 6:30 news if we do it now." "We just have to put it out there." " Can we do this?" " We're the government." "We can do anything." "[man]Theracenow turns totheWestCoast." "[Dave]Armageddonis upon usandBigDaveisscared." "[man]Oncurrent votingtrends, it'slikelythatfor the  firsttimein ourhistory ablackmanwillbecome PresidentoftheUnitedStates ofAmerica." "[voicewhispers]One,two ." "One,two,three... [rap music plays] [screaming]" "[anguished cry]" "[MartinLutherKing] Ihaveadream thatoneday thisnationwillriseup andliveoutthe  truemeaningof itscreed." ""Weholdthesetruths tobeself-evident:" "thatallmen arecreatedequal."" "Checkmate." "I, Richard Nixon, do solemnly swear..." "I, Ronald Reagan, do solemnly swear..." "The race for president is over." "The race for president is over." "The election is now over." " The race for president..." " ..is over." " Mays Gilliam..." " Brian Lewis..." "The race for president is over." "Forthefirsttimeinhistory ablackman,MaysGilliam, willbethenextPresidentof theUnitedStatesofAmerica." "..oftheUnitedStates ofAmerica." "Come here, brother." " I love you, man." " I love you too." "We won, we won, we won!" "I appreciate it." "Thanks a lot." "Thank you." " Thank you." " We won!" "We won!" "We won!" "Aren't you happy?" " Can I have a massage?" " Yes!" "I won!" "I won!" "I won!" "There is no way in the world I could've done this without you." " You're damn right." " We won!" "We did it!" "Yes!" " We did it!" "We won!" " [bang]" "Look at my little brother!" " I'm proud of you!" "Mr. President!" " Mr. Vice President!" " You the man." " No, you the man." "You ain't gotta worry about no assassination." " Why?" " They don't want me as the next president." "You can raise taxes, you can start a war..." " Mays Gilliam." " That's my man!" "That's my man!" " Excuse me, please." "Mays!" " Hey!" " Man, I was looking for you." " I was looking for you." "Mays!" " This is amazing." " It's amazing." " It's incredible." " Incredible." " What you were up against." " The odds!" "I can't wait to start working, boy, do I have a job for you." "Wow!" "I don't know what to say." "What department do you want me to work in?" "Finance?" "No, no, no, that's not good enough for you." " Foreign Affairs?" " No, not Foreign Affairs." "I thought you could do something real good in..." "Security!" "You suck!" "[Bill]We'dlikeyou  torunforpresident." "[Mays]Sometimes youdon'tknowif peoplelikeyoufor you ." "[Lisa]Well, Ilikeyoufor you ." "Thanks a lot." "Lisa!" "Mays!" "Get your hand off my ass, boy!" "Wait!" "Mays..." "Oh, my God, you are everywhere." "Look at you!" "Okay." "What's the first thing you're gonna do, Mr. President?" "Well, the first thing I'm gonna do is make you my First Lady." " Don't you play with me like that." " I'm not playing." " You can't do that!" " I'm the government." "I can do anything." "[man] Get ready for the 2005 presidential inaugural ball." "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States of America," "Mays Gilliam, and his future first wifey, Lisa Clark!" "[dance music plays]" "♪Lookat himnow ,man  ain'tthisgreat♪" "♪Biggestmanintown  he'stheheadofstate♪" "♪Theycomefromallaround justforonehandshake♪" "♪Lookat himnow  he'stheheadofstate♪" "[Mays]That'sme ." "MaysGilliam,Presidentof theUnitedStatesofAmerica." "NorthAmerica." " [man] Who'd you vote for?" " For what?" " For president." " Of what?" " of the United States." " Of what?" " Of America." " What America?" " North America." " Yo, I don't vote." "You gonna buy some of this meat or what?" "You can't trust nobody." "Everybody trying to rob you." "Nobody!" "That guy right there!" "Don't trust him!" "Can't trust no-damn-body!" "America's taken advantage of you, you and you." "You can go to war when you're 18, but you can't have a drink until you're 21!" "Thatain'tright!" "You'reright." "So let me get this straight." "You're 18 years old." "You go to war." "You come back." "Your leg is chopped off." "You got a damn nub!" "Everywhere you go they say, "What's up, nubby?"" "And you get to the bar and you say, "Bartender, can I have a drink?"" "And he looks you up and down and says, "I got to see some I.D."" "I.D.?" "!" "You mean to tell me a one-legged teenager can't have a drink?" "Thatain'tright!" "Where'sthenub ?" "Where is the nub?" "Prescription drugs, I'm gonna lower the prices." "Let me explain something else to you." "You can survive a stroke, but the high prices of medicine will give you a heart attack." "America is the richest, most powerful nation on Earth." "If America was a car, America would be a Bentley sitting on chrome doves with TVs in the headrests and a fine naked Puerto Rican girl feeding you grapes!" "Ain't nothing better than that!" "Ain't nothing ever been better than that!" "Most pundits are saying your brother destroyed any chance he had of winning this election by naming you" " as his running mate." " Why did he do that?" "Why'd yours pick you as anchorman?" "I don't have a brother." "You said it was your brother." "I did my homework same way you did." "You got your job same way I got mine." "I'm not running for public office." "And I'm not running for anchorman."