"Sandy speaking." "How you doing?" "I'll take that." "Sorry..." "Yeah." "Yeah, well check it." "Thank you very much." "And then I'll be with you..." "Hmm?" "Well, Friday, as far as I knew." "Was Friday not in my diary?" "[Woman on radio welcome to night vision." "I'm Lucy Walsh." "On this week's show we'll be reviewing" "Monica Malone's latest collection of poetry." "Offering their expert opinions, as usual, are noted local playwright, Tom Breslin." "And novelist Sandy Duffy, author of the award winning a patch of fog." "This is a building of enormous cultural importance to this city, and you're saying that we should just tear it down?" "No, I think my exact words are we should burn it down." "Oh, come on now, Sandy, aren't you just being provocative for the sake of it?" "Maybe when he's finished playing to the gallery we can have an intelligent conversation." "There's a memorial to Lewis at poet's corner." "Maybe we should turn that into a car park?" "Well, exactly, he already has a memorial at poet's corner." " What more does he need?" " Well, I think that will generate enough heat on our message board." "That's all the fiery debate we have time for this evening, but before we go, I'm happy to announce we will be celebrating the 25th anniversary of a patch of fog with a one off TV special" "and live interview with Sandy Duffy at the end of this season." "Lucy, are you alone?" "Sorry, I got called away." "Someone upstairs thought you might wanna go a bit easier on Tom." "Oh, come on." "It's just a couple of old dogs barking at each other." "Well, look, they gave me the yellow card to show you, so." "You're a very good company, girl." "Am I gonna see you tonight?" "I can't." "Phoebe has an early start tomorrow." "When do I get to meet her?" "Soon." "Great, can't wait." " See you tomorrow." " Yep, night." " Talk to you soon." " Goodnight." "That picture's from when you didn't look like a bag of shite rolled down a hill." "Since when do I pay you to tell me the truth?" "It's a freebie." "Something for you." "Those just came this morning." "Publisher's already looking at a second run." "Fathers who already have it are buying it for their sons." "You just wait until after the special." "The culture show, all of the big boys, they'll be wanting a piece of you." "It's always been a solid seller in the states." "Wee promotion tour." "New York." "Look, Freddie, I appreciate all the, well, your effort, but do we have to do all this?" "I'm tired." "I'm sick of always talking about it." "Of always being talked to about it." "Listen..." "My advice to you as a friend;" "it doesn't make financial sense." "Yeah, and your advice is in no way motivated by your commission?" "I don't need the money and I don't need the hassle." "After the interview we're changing the record." "This wouldn't be anything to do with a presenter of the female persuasion, would it?" "It's my book, my decision." "So what are we going to drink to then?" " Obscurity?" " Has a ring to it." "Hollow." "The telegraph called." "Dougie hasn't shown up for his interview." "Oh, for fuck's sake." "Listen, don't decide just yet." "Take a little bit of time." "Think about it." "Ok?" "Supersavers, this Christmas, all our Christmas trees on special offer..." "Yep?" "I'm just in the shop." "I'm going to pay for stuff and then I'm going to be with you, very shortly." "Yeah, yeah." "I'm on my way now." "Be there shortly." "Ok." "Bye." "Excuse me, sir?" "Do you mind if I have a quick word with you please?" " Who me?" "I'm alright." " Inside, if you don't mind." " Is this absolutely necessary?" " Yeah, it really is." "Just stepping off the floor for ten minutes, Sheila." "Straight through here." "Yeah, well, see what happened was I, I obviously got distracted by my phone." " It was just an accident." " An accident?" " That's what they all say." " I.D." "Look, you don't have to do this." "I mean, surely you've some degree of autonomy." "Well, can't you let me off with just a warning?" "Shoplifters will be prosecuted." "Signs all over the shop, sir." " You sure you didn't read them?" " Why would I read them?" "I'm not a thief." " Alexander Duffy." " So what happens now?" "Well, I'm obliged to call the police." "Then I'll take you down stairs, we'll stand on the street," "I'll put my hand on your shoulder and we'll wait for the police to arrive." "Could take anywhere between 20 to 25 minutes." "Especially this time of year with it being Christmas, the traffic's terrible." "The longer we wait, the more people will see you." "The more people that see you, the bigger the deterrent." "That's the theory anyway." "Look what's your name?" " It's Robert." " Robert, please don't do this." "Nothing I can do, sir." "You see, you've been captured on our CCTV system, which then is all recorded onto this disc." "Even if I wanted to help you, I couldn't really." "It's out of my hands, sir." "Well, isn't there anything can be done?" "What if I pay for the pen now?" "And then if there's any left over, you get yourself a pint." "Did I say pint?" "I meant two pints." "I don't drink." "Please, Robert." "I mean, this..." "This could ruin me." "I appear on television." "Well, I don't want to end up on the news." "Also, I teach at the university, they have an ethics clause." "I could get the sack." "Hello, bill?" "Yeah, it's Robbie." "Robert, what happened to one guy doing another guy a favor, eh?" "It's Christmas." "Come on, man." "Yeah." "Hmm." "Please." "Yeah, I was just checking the system." "Yeah, just making sure, you know." "Sorry about that." "Ok, you take care." "Happy Christmas." "Love to the wife." "Bye-bye." "Oh, listen, Robert." "Cheers, really." " Thanks so much." " No, put your money away." " Really?" " Aye." "What happened to one guy doing another guy a favor?" "Right." "Thanks." "So I'm..." "I'm free to go?" "I tell you what, if you want to repay me you could... you could buy me a Coca-Cola sometime." "Absolutely, Robert." "Any time, it would be a pleasure." "Brilliant!" "I get off in half an hour." "Nothing like a drink after work." " So, you're on the telly?" " Mm-hmm." " What program?" " It's called night vision?" " Never seen it." " We review plays, films, books, poetry." "I'll have to watch that." "So, what about you, have you always been in security?" "Yeah." "Yeah, always." "Well, that must be exciting, you know." "Keeping up with the thieves." "Learning the new tricks." "Yeah, it has its moments." "There's plenty of tricks though." "There's the toothpick." "Where they wedge a toothpick in the pocket, so the pocket stays open." "And then they just knock all the stuff in their pocket" " off the shelves, you see." " Right." "Now, my personal favorite, which is a great one," " that's called the bicycle." " Mm-hm." "That's where the thief will ride up on his bike outside of my store and he'll ask me to look after his bike." "And because I'm such a nice fella I say, "yeah, no problem."" " Right." " So I'm looking after his bike and he's gone inside." "Then his accomplice comes along and jumps on the bike and rides away, see." "And while I'm chasing him, what's the other fella doing in me shop?" "I suppose he's filling his pockets." "Yeah." "Yeah." "See, you'd be good at this, you." "Then there's the telephone." "And that's the one where the thief pre-sets his phone to go while he's inside the shop, you see." "And then he walks out with the goods." "Can I get you another one, sand?" "You know, Robert, I'd like nothing more, but I really have to go." "Jesus Christ." " Alright, Sandy?" " Yeah, listen, Robert." "I really appreciate all your help." "Thanks again." "That's alright, pleasure." "I'm sure everything'll be fine." "What do you mean everything'll be fine?" "Well, we've got a little bit of a problem." "See, the disc." "They all get collected, you see, at the end of the week, and me boss reviews them all." "Just to keep me on me toes." "Yeah, my name's on that disc." "I know." "It'll be ok." "Don't worry." "I'll fix it." "I'll get it, and we'll just meet here, same time, same place." "Well, can you not just erase it and throw it away, Robert?" "Can you not just meet me on Sunday?" " Yeah, alright." " Alright." "You get home safe." "Nice to meet you, Sandy." "Thank you." "There you go, Maggie." "Din-dins." "There you go." "Yeah." "That's it." "Bullshit!" " Sorry?" " Oh, sorry, Sarah." "I was miles away." " Sorry about that." " Ok." " Shall we continue?" " Mm-hmm." "What did you study at university?" "English literature and creative writing." "Then along came fog." "It's hard to believe you were only 25 at the time." "Where did the idea come from?" "My family." "My father was agoraphobic." "One day there was a terrible fog." "I went out into it." "I got lost in it." "I was six years old." "How come you never told me your father suffered from agoraphobia?" "I thought I did." "It's no big deal." "It is when you're young." "Did he live to see your book published?" "No." "Did you love him?" "I'm sorry, are we on or off the record now?" "Why?" "Is it a difficult question?" "He was a difficult man to get to know." "Good evening, miss." "That's a lovely dress you have on if you don't mind my saying." "What, this old thing?" "You think?" "Listen, there's a new movie playing in town and I was wondering if..." "Now, does he really wanna go and see a movie?" "Subtext." "The actual meaning hidden below the words." "So when will the show air?" "It's a TV special, at the end of the series, next month." "And will they come here to film?" "You know, observe the creature in his natural habitat?" "Have you had a chance to start my book yet?" "Ah." "Look, I was gonna start it the other night but I got trapped by this, well, a fan I suppose you'd call him." "Sad little man." "It was hours before I could get away." "But I'll start tonight, I promise." "Robert." "What are you doing here?" "I got off early, so thought I'd come and say hello." "Troy Griffin, Robert green." " Hi." " Hi." "Nice to meet you, Troy." " Are you a lecturer as well?" " Oh, I..." " Doesn't look old enough, does he?" "That's the nicest thing I've heard all week." "So are you in the education game, Robert?" "Security, Troy." "Business is booming." "Time of year." "Thieves everywhere." "So how do you two know each other?" "Oh, me and Robert go way back." "Yeah." "I gotta go." "It was nice meeting you, Robert." " You too, Troy." " All the best." " See you again." " Yeah." "Great." "Take care." "Seems like a nice fella." "So, what are you doing here, Robert?" "Told ya." "I've come to see you." "You've seen my office, so, thought I'd come and see yours." "Well, now you've seen it." "Let's go for a walk, huh?" "Sandy, I couldn't help overhear Troy talking about your TV special." " Ah." " When's that gonna be on?" "Uh... wouldn't have a clue." "Why did you only ever do one book?" "Did you get the old writer's block, did you?" "No." "I didn't get the old writer's block." " Any sign of my disc, Robert?" " Yeah, I've got it." "It's safe." "It's in my house." "Right, this way." "I watched your show the other night." "Does that Lucy one fancy you?" "No." "I wish." "We're just colleagues." "You and that big fruit went at it hammer and tongs, didn't ya?" " Does he hate your guts, sand?" " Nah." "It's all an act." "It just makes for better television." "No, but I didn't like the way he spoke to you." "It wasn't nice." "But you were so cool." "Took him apart with your words." " Well, that's my job." " Yeah, you're the best in the world." "Being paid to read books and watch movies." "Do you think I could come along with you one time and, you know, give you a layman's opinion?" "Look, Robert, where exactly are we going?" "Just down here." "Oh, come on, we're nearly there now." "Sand, you know when you was a kid, did ya, did you ever put two coins on the track with a friend?" "Kinda like a blood brothers kinda thing?" "No." "No, me neither." "For god's sake, Robert." "We're trespassing." "I didn't see no signs." "I've never been any good at making friends, Sandy." "I don't know why." "For god's sake." "Robert!" "I'm never gonna get that disc, am I?" "You crazy fuck!" "There you go." "I've seen this sort of thing before." " Yeah?" " It's more common than you think." " Has he made sexual advances?" " God, no." " Well, at least not yet." " You have to be tough with him." "Threaten him with exposure." "Well, see, that's the problem." " He wants to expose me." " Expose what?" "One accidental incident of shoplifting?" "I take it it was just the once?" "Yeah, but it only needs once for someone in my position." "I really don't want this to get into the papers." "You just say you've taken legal advice." "Threaten him with the police." "The main thing is, show no fear." "Be firm and be tough." "Watch him crumble." "Listen, Freddie." "Can this meeting just be between us?" "This meeting never happened." "Sandy." "Where have you been?" "What time do you call this?" "I almost give up on you." "Sorry." "I was... sorry." "Alright." "Don't catastrophize." "Well, it's a line from your book." "Don't you remember?" "There's some big words in here, isn't there?" "Me dictionary's in tatters." "Look." "Right." "Belfast awakes to find itself a-wrapped in a dense shroud of fog." ""Honest and emotional." The independent." ""A fine de-boot." "Sandy Duffy has a way with words." The Irish press." "Well, I'll say he does." "Look what he talked me into." "Can I ask you something, Sandy?" "Yeah." "I find it difficult reading properly." " I hear that." " I never told anyone that before." "What'd be really good, if you could do me one of them, you know them audiobooks that you can get?" "Hey?" "What you doin' all the way over here?" "I just wanted a quiet smoke, Robert." "We've left our drinks in there." "Sand, what's that word say there?" " Peripatetic." " And what does that mean?" "It means to be nomadic." "To wander from place to place." "Sandy Duffy." "Smarter than my dictionary." "Yeah, well, it's only a wee dictionary." "Look, I've gotta head." "I've an art exhibit this evening for this week's night vision." " Oh, great." " No, Robert." "You're not going anywhere." "What's wrong, Sandy?" "Have I done something wrong?" "I'm sorry that you're lonely." "But I'm not responsible." "We can't keep meeting up like this." "I've taken legal advice." "If I don't get the disc tonight, I'm gonna report you." "Have you ever surfed the net, Sandy?" "Have you ever looked up CCTV footage of shoplifters?" " Oh, god." " No, listen." "There was this girl, right, she wasn't even famous." "She only stole a bottle of shampoo." "Yeah?" "And she got over a million hits." "Loneliness may not be a crime but you know what is?" " Blackmail." " I'm not blackmailing ya." " I'm just making conversation." " Really?" "I wonder what the police would think of that." "Let's go and ask them." "Let's see what the papers say." ""Writer steals pen."" " It practically writes itself." " Oh, yeah." "I'll be in the papers, but I won't be on my own." "You blackmailed me into befriending you." "You offered me money and I said no, if you remember." " We'll just see what the police say, eh?" " Yeah, let's." "Especially when I tell 'em about your other thefts." "What other thefts?" "No, you don't know." "You're just bluffing." "We'll find out soon enough, won't we?" "There's no way." "There's just no way." "Really?" "Last week, that pen." "Three months ago, a paperweight." "Six months ago, aftershave." "Were they all accidents, as well?" "You must be accident prone." "Funny thing is, your phone goes off every single time." "What are the odds on that?" "Hey?" "I think the papers'll still wanna speak to me?" "Look, I didn't take legal advice." "No, I made that up." "Be with you in a minute, gents." "Alright, bill." "No worries." "We're not going anywhere." "Are we?" "You can come to the art exhibit with me tonight." "You know, give me the layman's opinion, just like you said." "I'll even start recording that audiobook." " What do you say?" " Am I a blackmailer?" "No." "Am I a sad little man?" " No." " Remind me." " Who's the thief?" " Me." "So who's really the sad little man?" "I could do that." "Or am I missing something, Sandy?" "It's all subjective." "Is it blood?" "Is it rusty water from the river?" "No, I don't see that." "I see a bath full of tomato soup." "Y'know, I'll be honest with ya." "I did know who you were when you came into my shop." "Yeah." "I mean, you know, I watched the show." "I wasn't a big fan back then, but I am now." "I wouldn't miss it now." "You know, everyone knows who you are." "Who'd have thought it, eh?" "Sandy Duffy, a shop-lifter." "Shh." "It's all subjective." "Inevitable." "Ooh, I like this one." "I like the light." "It's a heater, Robert." "Robert... what exactly do you want from me?" "You make it sound like I wanna stick pins in ya." "I just wanna be your friend." "And this is your idea of friendship?" "Hoarding evidence of me shoplifting to use against me?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa..." "No, you've got this completely wrong." "I'm not hoarding anything." "Think of it as safe-keeping." "You know, you was gonna get caught anyway, wasn't ya, in the end." "Imagine if you'd have got caught by somebody else." "You'd be finished." "You would." "You wouldn't be at this fancy art exhibition." "I'm doing you a favor." "Yeah?" "So what exactly am I doing wrong, Sandy?" "Tell me." " Thanks." " No, it's alright." "Come on, let's go." "I've had enough." "This is crap, this." "It's rubbish." "Absolutely rubbish." ""In the years to come, he would look back on the day when the fog came down, and the streets of Belfast were clogged and blinded, and when his son wandered alone, and he wasn't able to find him." "His son was a mystery to him." "Was this the way it was with all fathers?" "Watching them grow and turn into something unfamiliar?" "He was a vagabond." "Disobedient." "How would this young lad grow old?" "What would he become?" "Hiya, Robert." "Welcome, come on in." "Oh, thank you very much." "You shouldn't have bothered." " D'you find it alright?" " Yeah." " Good." "Come on in." " Wow." "So this is the house that fog built." "Yeah, I suppose so." "Can I take your coat?" "No, you're ok." "Right, well, let me give you a tour." "And this is my office." " So." " Wow." " What's this?" " Oh, that's Troy's new novel." "I have to read it and then write a foreword." " Any good?" " Well, so far so good." "Haven't started it yet." "So are you looking for something, Robert?" " Yeah, a copy of your book." " Oh, you won't find that here." "What?" "You haven't got a copy of your own book?" "No." "The original handwritten manuscript's here somewhere, but, no books." "Wow." "I'd love to see that." "Yeah, well, I'm not sure where it is." "I'll dig it out for the next time you come round, eh?" "But, in the meantime, this'll keep you happy." "The first three chapters of patch of fog." "Huh?" " Wow." " Alright." "Sandy?" "Can I just... just take a quick selfie?" "Here you go." "Just here." " Oh, with me?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Of course, yeah." " Alright?" " No, no, no." "No good." "We need to be a bit closer, just a little bit closer." " Really?" " Ready?" "Ok." "Ow." "Hey..." " Is that what I think it is?" " Think of it as a peace pipe." "I was a bit harsh on you in the art exhibit." "I've never done it before." "It's alright." "I'm with ya." "That's the spirit." "Oh, exhale, Robert." "Alright?" "Yeah." "Me head's a bit spinny." "That means it's working." "It's lovely home-grown stuff." "Almost organic." "Wow." "Get the full tension." " Sandy?" " Hm?" "Can I ask you something personal?" "Yeah." "Why do you steal?" "There's this..." "Intense feeling comes over you." "You're waiting for that hand on your shoulder." "To be caught for the first time." "To be shown up as a fraud in front of the whole world." "Your heart thumps, your palms sweat." "You even have difficulty breathing." "It sounds awful." "It's the greatest feeling in the world." "Provided you don't get caught." "See, you understand." "I can talk to you." "And yet there's still this elephant in the room." "Yeah." "Yeah, a big pink elephant." "No." "Robert, the elephant is a metaphor." "It means something that everyone ignores because they don't wanna talk about it but it's always there, getting in the way of things that really matter." "The discs of me shoplifting." "How can we be real friends when that's hanging over my head like the sword of..." "Like a big sword?" "So what do you suggest?" "Well, why don't we go to your place now, get it, throw it in the river, and be done with it once and for all?" " What do you say?" " Don't you trust me?" "Of course I do, 100 percent." "And we've got a connection, haven't we?" " No doubt about it." " So why do you want the disc?" "So why do you wanna keep the discs?" "I mean, if we're really friends, don't you trust me, Robert?" "Yeah." "I'm keeping the disc for your safety." "Ah... well, then, here's to friendship... and death to elephants." "Yeah." "Death to elephants." "Alright." "Did you have a bag or anything?" " No." " Ok." " I'm ok." " You ok?" " Dave." "Alright?" "" " How are you?" "Cold, isn't it?" "Hey, this is on me." "Ok, no problem, thank you." "Thank you." "Front or back, Robert?" " The back." " Back it is." "You know where you're going, Dave?" " 39 Barnes road?" " 39 Barnes road." " Is that you?" " Yeah." " Ok." " Ok." "It was a good night, wasn't it, sand?" "Ah, the best..." " See you later." " All the best." " Text ya." " Bye." "Morning, Robert." "How's the head today?" "Listen, what are you doing this evening?" "Hello, everyone." "I'm John." "Um..." "What's going on?" "Where's Sandy?" "He called in sick." "He never told me." "Is he ok?" "I don't know." "Hello, Sandy." "Yeah, it's only me." "I was just a little bit worried if you're not well." "I'm gonna go home now and feed Maggie and then, and then I'll pop up and see how you're doing." "Jesus, fuck." "Jesus." "What the fuck?" "Come on, come on, come on, come on." "Oh, shit." "Back the fuck off, you." "No, no, no." "Over here." "Over here." "Here, here." "Yes." "Got ya." "Whoo!" "Now, this week, let's really push ourselves." "Really stretch ourselves." "Life inside a ping-pong ball." " Hi." " How you doin'?" "Good, good." "Sandy, this is my daughter, Phoebe." "Phoebe, this is my colleague, Sandy." "Phoebe, very pleased to meet you." "Could you blow them up for me?" " How did you do that?" " Squashed it." " Pure brute strength." "Ah." "Ok, everyone." "Phones off, please." " Hello, Robert." "" " Are you ok, Sandy?" "I missed your class last night." "Are you still sick?" "No, I'm fine, thank you." "Ah, I wish I could say the same." "You'll never guess what happened to me." "I got broken into." "Did they take anything?" "Am I ever gonna see you again?" "Well, you can see me in a few minutes." "I'm gonna be on TV." "That's not what I mean." "You know what I mean." "I mean seeing you as a friend." "Now, Robert, what do you think?" "I think you forgot something very important about me." " What's that?" " I'm in security." "Sandy, we're ready for you." "Oh, just a minute." "We're live in 30 seconds." "Sandy, please." "Phones off, everybody." "Ok, we're live in ten, nine, eight..." " Sandy." " Seven, six, five, four..." "Welcome to night vision, I'm Lucy Walsh." "On this week's show, we'll be reviewing a new film by Joe Flynn, and asking..." "And we're out." "Four minutes of Vt." "Anyone heard any good jokes?" "Three polar bears walk into a bar." " Excuse me." " Sandy." "See if he's alright." "Sandy, are you ok?" "Yeah, I just need some air." " Robert." "" " What?" "We need to talk." "There's nothing to talk about." "You can't end it like this." "No, you ended it." "Not me, Sandy." " Sandy, we're back in two minutes." " Alright, alright!" "Are you feeling alright?" "Maybe you're not over your sickness at all, are you?" "You're sweating like a pig on the tele." "I need to know what you're gonna do with that video." "Enjoy the rest of the show, Sandy." "I know I will." "Shit." "Sorry for shouting at ya." "It's ok." "It's ok." " It's Robert..." " Shit, shit, shit, shit." " Leave me a message." " Hey, Robert." "It's Sandy." "Call me, please." " Hello?" "" " Sandy, what's up?" "The way you just bolted?" "Is everything ok?" "Yeah, bit of an upset stomach." "Listen, I don't think I did your ratings any good tonight, at all." "Lucky for you the viewers only really tune in for Tom and me." "Listen, can I chat to you tomorrow?" "I'm still feeling shattered." " Ok." " Alright, bye." "Excuse me, can I help?" "No, thank you." "Sorry." "Excuse me." "Right, let's begin." "Settle down, please." "Ok." "Settle down." "Work to do." "That means be quiet or get out!" "Thank you." "Today we ask the eternal question." "Which is more important?" "Style or substance?" "Robert." "I can see ya." "Look, open up." "For god's sake." "I know I made a mistake and I'm sorry." "Look, I'm gonna wait out here in my car." "I'll wait as long as it takes, ok?" "Ah, fuck." "Here we go." "Excuse me, sir." " Everything alright?" " Quite alright, thank you." "It's just we've had a report of a strange car loitering in the area." "Am I breaking any law, officer?" "Well, there's no need for that." "We're just talking." "But we'll be back this way shortly." "And if you're still here, we're gonna have to talk in more detail." "Well, as it happens, I was just leaving." "Robert." "Listen, I am so sorry for breaking into your house." "I was just so scared, man." "Are you ok?" "When the police come to talk to you..." "Why would the police come to talk to me?" "That's what they do in situations like this." "Situations like what?" "Just tell them..." "I didn't wanna be alone." "What?" "Can you hear that, Sandy?" "Robert?" "Robert, there's a train coming." "Get off the track." "Robert!" "Will you get off the fucking track!" "Robert!" "Jesus." "Thank you." "Thank you." ""Jack marched to the front door and flung it wide." "The rolling fog crept in almost at once." "He did not have long to wait before the inside and outside worlds merged." "Would he look for his son?" "Would his son look for him?" "Would this be the way to bridge the immeasurable gap between them?"" "I bet you, if I start in this corner, you start on that corner," "I'll get to the middle before you." "What do you say?" "There isn't enough sheets, though, to cover the floor, Sandy." "I'll buy you a new one." "Well, what about the sofa, though?" "Get you a new one of those, too." "But only if you win." ""What kind of man would put his own well-being before that of a child?" "Jack took a step outside." "He felt his way along the path to the gate."" "Excuse me, miss?" "Put that down, please." "At this point, I'm obliged to tell you... that I'm a very big fan of the show." "For a second there I thought that you..." "What, I was gonna stick the cuffs on you?" "God, I must have a guilty conscience." "It's all the swag in my handbag." "Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy the show." "Yeah, I love it." "I never miss it." "You must... you must have your work cut out, though, eh?" "Sorry?" "Well, you know." "Keepin' Sandy and Tom apart." "Off camera, they're the best of friends." " Well, I doubt that." " What makes you say that?" " Well..." "That's mine." " Is it?" " Yeah." "You make sure you don't lose that." "Butterfingers." " Are you ok?" " Yeah." "Yeah, we're fine." "It's nice to meet you." " Robert." " Robert." "You too." "You... you say hello to Sandy for me." " I will." " And you keep up the good work, Lucy." " Fantastic show." "Fantastic." " Thank you." "Yeah, fantastic." "Take care." "Bye." "Come on." "Happy Christmas!" "You too." "Are you hungry, Phoebe?" "Met another fan the other day, didn't we, phoebes?" " Security guard called Robert." " He was weird." "A bit intense, maybe." "Ok, how to make a pizza." "You pay attention, Phoebe." "So, make two fist." "Spin like Frisbee and then let her rip." " Oh..." "Do you think you could do better?" " Right, you have a go." "Some of that and that." "Sorry." "That's it." "Go on, get into it, phoebes." "Yeah, good technique." "I don't know how to do it." "Yeah, but can you spin?" "That's it." "That's it, that's it, that's it." "There we go." "Go on." "That's it." "Are you ok?" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "You're turn." "Give mum a go." "Alright, let's show you how it's done." "Ok." "You two stay here." "I'm gonna check it out." " No, don't go out there." " No, it'll be ok." "No, you don't know who's out there." "I'll call the police." "Come on, come on, come on." "Excuse me?" "Aren't you Sandy Duffy?" "Fuck off." "Robert." "Robert!" "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "I spent half last night talking to the police because some dick smashed my windscreen." "And Lucy's too." " Well, did the police find out who it was?" " No." " I covered for you." " It's too soft." " Is Lucy alright?" " No, she's not alright." "Nor is her daughter." "This is serious, Robert." " What's serious, Sandy?" " Well, you turning up at my house." " What?" "You and Lucy?" " What?" "Because if I remember, you told me that youse two were" " both just colleagues." "Right, no, and last night, you said to me that you were going home to mark some papers." "So, how do you think I felt when I looked through your window and it looked like the fuckin' Waltons?" "Oh, that's funny, because when I looked through my window, it looked like the fuckin' Mansons!" "It's too hard." " Where's yours, Sandy?" " Oh, for god's sake." " I left it." " Don't lie to me." "Shh!" "You gave it to her daughter, didn't you?" " What?" " Aye, I know." "I know what happened." "She asked you to do the interview." "You said no." "So she hopped into your bed." " Lucy hopped into my bed." " She hopped into your bed." "And then you said yes." "You know, she's just using you, mate." " Yeah, I've seen it before." " Mm-hm." "Best thing you can do is not do the interview." "I don't know if your head's full of wee sweetie white mice, but I will be doing the interview." "And you're so wrong about Lucy." " Oh, really?" " Really." " We can all do interviews." " What?" "Imagine the interview I could do about you." "Ah, fuck this." "So, you're still hell-bent on a life of quiet contemplation after the special?" "Or can I tempt you away from all that?" "Why are you still pushing this?" "Sometimes I wish the fucking thing had never been published." "Is it that obsessive?" "That fan?" "Is that what's stood your back up?" "No, no." "Thanks to you, all that's sorted." "Is it?" "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fucking work with me!" "Alright, mate?" " Change." " Cheers." "What time do you stay open till?" " Twelve." " Alright, man." "Thanks." "Goodnight." "One day there was a fog and I went out." "Got lost in it." "So, what do you think?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm very happy with it." "No, no, I mean, I mean about the cars." " Do you know who did it?" " No, how would I know?" "It was probably kids." "They run wild these days." "Not in your neighborhood." "Aren't you forgetting that I do this for a living?" "I know when someone's not being honest with me." "You're imagining things." "That's what my ex-husband used to say." "Sorry, I have to take this." " Yes, Robert?" "" " The delivery men are coming at three o'clock and I'm snowed under here at work." "Could you do me a favor?" " Could you let them in for me?" " Yeah, but I don't even have a key to your..." "It's never stopped you in the past has it, mate?" "Fuck!" "Nothing like a drink after work, eh?" "Where is everything?" "Now listen, Robert, I wanted to make proper amends, you know." "I wanted to go that extra mile." "So, the lads who delivered your sofa," "I got them to take everything else away." "But don't worry you're getting brand new stuff." "It's all gonna arrive tomorrow." "So." "Well, what'd you get me?" "Well, you got a 40 inch TV." "You got a laminated floor." "You got a bookcase." "You got a coffee table." "You got a rug." "You got cushions." "All on me." "All arriving tomorrow." "Ok?" "Brilliant." "Right, well drink up because we've got our night class to go to." "That's why I gave her an imaginary rocking horse as a metaphor." "Sort of like the fog in a patch of fog." " Yes?" " Now I'm sorry to say this but that's a load of nonsense, Vera." "Why do you say that?" "Well, because the fog's not a metaphor." " Isn't it?" " No." "No, the fog's not imaginary." "Right." "The fog's, the fog's real." "You can see it." "You can touch it." "So how can something real be a metaphor?" "It does, doesn't make sense." "Maybe you should look up the word metaphor in your wee dictionary, Robert." "It is Robert, isn't it?" "Now, over the break I want you all to write a story based on this video." "Is that you, Sandy?" "None other." "It's a creative arts project I'm involved in." "You'll notice that I've emailed you all a copy." "I want you to study it closely." "Who is this man?" "What does he want?" "What stage of his story are we at?" "I want you to tell his story." "Use your imaginations to the full." "It's only make-believe, after all." "Have a good break." "Hey." "Why did you do that?" " It'll never work, Sandy." " Oh, it already has, Robert." "It's typical of my teaching methods." "I made the video, I sent it to my night class and that's how you got hold of it." "So why was it shot in my living room?" " Really?" " It doesn't look anything like your living room." "Not anymore." "Well, Lucy." "I'll tell Lucy." "She'll believe me." "I'll tell Lucy what you've done." "Yeah?" "And I'll tell Lucy that you're a total nutcase, you've been stalking me for months and you probably wrecked her car, too." "Now who do you think she's gonna believe?" "And if I ever see you again, if you dare go anywhere near" "Lucy or Phoebe, I will set the police on you like that." "Goodbye, Robert." "I wish I could say it was a pleasure knowing you." "It wasn't." "No, wait." "Don't leave me, Sandy." "Don't leave me." "Right, if I've done anything wrong, I'm sorry." "I can change." "But just give me another chance." "No." "You jumped in front of a train for me." "I jumped in front of a train for me." "We're not friends, we never were." "I despise you." "I've always despised everything about you." "I only put up with you because I had to, and now I don't have to anymore." "Oh, well, I'll still go to your class." "You can't stop me from doing that." " I'll still get to see you." " No, you won't." "You are a disruptive influence." "If you show your face around here again" "I will see that security show you off the premises." "No, no, you can't do that." "I can do that." "See, I'm Sandy Duffy." "Who the fuck are you?" "You're on there." "I'm obliged to call the police." "I'll take you downstairs." "Stand on the street with you, put me arm on your shoulder." "We'll wait for the police to turn up." "Anywhere between 20 and 25 minutes." "Put your money away." "Hey?" "What happened to one guy doing another guy a favor?" "I get off in 20 minutes." "Fancy a little drink?" "Well, fuck off then!" "Hey?" "Hey?" "Who do you think you are?" "Sandy Duffy?" "You're not, you know." "Look, get out." "Go on." "Go on, get out." "Lucy." "So, after your mother passed away your father's anxieties became more pronounced and he was diagnosed with agoraphobia." "He never left the house again?" "Only for his own funeral." "So is the novel autobiographical?" "Or semi-autobiographical?" "He was agoraphobic, but was there really a fog?" "Well, it was in the days before the city had banned coal fires and Belfast's like a valley, so the combination of coal fires and a cold snap produced a fog that turned day into night." "You couldn't see your own hand in front of your face." "And you got lost in one?" "Yes." "For how long?" "About four, four and a half hours, but it seemed a lot longer." "I can imagine." "In fog the father went looking for the son, but your dad didn't?" "That's not nice." "The dramatic inadequacy of reality." "How did that make you feel?" "I was six." "How do you think?" " Frightened?" " Mm-hmm." " Abandoned?" " Sure." "Rejected?" "Lay it on, why don't you?" "Yet you dedicated your book to him?" ""For my father George." "Farewell, my lovely."" "Can you remember how you felt when you wrote those words?" "There was an intense feeling came over me." "My heart began to thump." "My palms to sweat." "I even had trouble breathing for a while." "Quite an emotional moment." "Yeah, it was." "Difficult moment?" "No." " It was the greatest feeling in the world." " Greatest feeling in the world." "Thank you." "Lucy, can I have a moment?" "You were right the other day." "About me seeing someone else, in a way." "The person who wrecked your car." "You broke into somebody's house?" "What were you thinking?" "That man sounds dangerous." "No." "Robert's really only a danger to himself." ""Traced his fingertips along it." "It felt good to be in contact with something so old and strong."" "I didn't tell you everything because I..." "I didn't want you thinking badly of me." "I couldn't bear that." "I don't know what to think." "Moved further into the thinning fog." "The granite wall loomed up before him." "He traced his fingertips along it." "It felt good to be in contact with something so old and strong." "The wall led Jack to a heavy gate."" "Oh, shit." ""Peered through the bars like a prisoner." "The fog swirled, revealing what lay beyond." "Somehow Jack knew he had reached his destination." "'Andy, ' he called out." "Dad?" "I'm over here!" "Jack allowed the voice to lead him." "The fog parted." "There sat Andy, shivering on a slab of cold stone." "Jack wrapped his boy in his arms." "'I knew you would come, dad.' 'of course I came." "The house felt so empty without you.' 'you're not angry at me?" "' 'how could I be angry at you?" "' 'do you want to go home, dad?" "The fog is going.' 'don't be scared.'" "'I'm not scared.' 'we'll go soon." "But first let's sit with your mum a little while longer.' the end."" "How did you get in?" "Trade secret, Sandy." "Fancy a drink before we get started?" "Start what?" "You stole something from me, where is it?" "Oh, don't worry." "It's in a safe place." " I buried it." " Well, I want it back." " No, you don't." " You're a thief!" "And you stole my manuscript." "Where is it?" "Well, it's not really yours, is it?" "Eh?" "A patch of fog by George Duffy." "And that lovely dedication." ""For my son, Sandy." "Farewell, my lovely."" "You took that a little bit literally, didn't you?" "Why are you doing this?" "Why did you pick me?" "I didn't." "You picked me, Sandy." " What?" " You picked me from the start." "You chose my shop." "You bought me a drink." " You saved my life." " I told you the other night that..." "No, all that stuff you said the other night, you didn't mean it." "No, you picked me, Sandy." "Remember when you said you'd show me the manuscript?" "Well, I've seen it now." "It's ok." "It's alright." "I know." "Look, whoa, whoa, hey, hey." "Sandy, Sandy." "Sit down." "Sit down." "Are you ok?" "My father was an embarrassment." "He wouldn't step outside the house." "He knew I wanted to be a writer." "I found the manuscript after he died." "But he turned his greatest shame into a triumph." "And what did I get?" "A lousy fucking dedication." "Well, fuck him!" "You see?" "Come here." "Have a drink." "Have a drink." "Eh?" "We'll show him." "You've been spreading yourself far too thin, sand." "Alright?" "Now it's time to concentrate on what really matters." "Yeah." "It's time to concentrate on writing your own book." "You just have to sign these resignation letters first." " What?" " Well, you know, night vision, uni." "You'll have to resign." "You'll have to pack it all in." "I've already done mine." "You're my job now, Sandy." "You." "That's why I'm gonna be moving in." "Hey?" "You do all the writing." "I'll do all the cooking and the cleaning, and I'll look after you." "Because I know you've got a great book in you, Sandy Duffy." "Yeah." "Just you sign this and then that's it." "Alright?" "Here you go." "Come on." "Sign it." "You really are mad, aren't you?" "Hey?" "If you think I would willingly entomb myself with you?" "It's not gonna happen, Robert." "That's not nice, sand." "I've done all this for you." " It's your decision." " Yeah, it is." "I was just thinking about Lucy, that's all." " What about Lucy?" " Well, imagine if it comes out that Lucy done a TV special on a paganist?" "She slept with him as well, eh?" "How bad's that gonna look?" "She'll have to disown you." "Telly will get rid of you." "You'll lose everything, sand." "This big lovely house." "You'll lose it all." "You'll have no-one." "Eh?" "I mean, look." "At least this way you still get to be Sandy Duffy." "And I know how much that means to you." "You'd rather die than the truth come out, wouldn't you, sand?" "You've always found it hard to make friends, haven't you, Robert?" "Yeah, until I met you." "Yeah." "I'm you're only friend though, aren't I?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "And now the last people who might ask a question about your whereabouts... you've just told them in this letter that they'll never see you again." "Now you've told me you buried it." "Where is it?" " I'm not gonna tell you." " Oh, yes you are." "Now, Sandy." "No, stop it." " You wouldn't hurt a fly." " Huh." "No flies on you, Robert, eh?" "You don't know me." "Where's my fucking manuscript?" " Stop it, Sandy." " Where is my manuscript?" "You've cut me." "Now, I won't be on me own again." "I'll be in the room upstairs on the left." "Oh, no, you're fucking not!" "You can't take fuck off for an answer." "This has gotta stop before..." "Sandy." "Stop it, Sandy." "Oh, this is ridiculous, Robert." "Robert?" "Come on, that's enough." "Robert." "Robert, I didn't mean it." "As I say, I was only trying to sca..." "I was trying to scare you." "Shit." "Come on, Robert." "Wake up, please." "Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." "Shit." "Fuck." "Goodbye, Robert." "Oh fuck." "Shit!" "Shit!" "No!"