"Come on, Gabi, let's go." "Happy Hour is almost over." "I want cheap appetizers and hot guys." "Or hot appetizers and cheap guys." "_" "You know who also is ranch?" "Josh!" "Funny story... _" "Do you know the definition of funny story?" "Hey, Sofia!" "Did Gabi tell you about my little party?" "She's going to a happy hour." "Caroline went to NY to see the wedding dress..." "With her friend..." "While she's gone I'm gonna have a party." "Guess how I'm gonna call it." "_" "Told you." "Wanna hear what I'm making?" " Yes." " No." "_" "That's hot." "_" " Don't stop." " Chili cheese fries with sour cream." " Keep going." " And for dessert..." " Yeah?" " Double-stuffed deep-fried oreos." "Oh, my God!" "Ugh, I never thought I'd miss the Blue Chee Story." " Bye!" " Bye!" "What the hell was that?" "What?" "You two just had..." " An oreo-gasm!" " (Elevator dings)" "I mean, I finally get why you don't care about meeting guys anymore." "You treat Josh like he's your boyfriend." "I do not!" "Please..." "You're so hung up on him." "No, I'm not, okay?" "We had one drunken night a month ago." "I'm over that!" "Oh, really?" "You're over it?" "When was your last date?" "What was last Saturday?" "The twelfth." "Then, uh..." "Four months ago." "You might be right, Sofia." "Thank you!" "You need to get back out there, start dating again." "Turn your taxi light on, so guys know you're available." "Oh, and I am." "Taxi Gabi's ready fo' a ride." "(Elevator dings)" "Well, that worked fast." "Hey there!" "Hi!" "You going down?" "Well... not without dinner and a movie." "(Theme music playing)" "So, my building's a little bit of a..." "Step down from yours." "You have a doorman..." "I have a chalk outline of a doorman..." "Listen, I'd invite you in, but I went a little fast with the last guy..." "We had one night together and then..." "The next day, he proposed..." "To someone else." "Sounds like a country song." "(Laughs) Yeah." "Um, I'm cool to take it slow..." "I have an early morning anyway, I should go." "Yeah, you..." "You should go." "I should." "You should really go." "(Thumping)" "Hey." "Sounds like that went well." "Sofia, he's smart..." "He's funny..." "And he's a great kisser." "What I hear you saying is: "Thank you, Sofia!"" "Yes!" "Thank you, Sofia!" "You're the best friend ever!" "Cam is sweet and thoughtful and he totally respects the fact that I wanna go slow." "Wait... what if just left because he doesn't like me?" "How good does it feel to lose your self-esteem over a guy, again?" "So good!" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" " Hey, Gabi." " Hey, Yolanda!" "How are you on this perfect, beautiful, angel-like morning?" "Someone's either on a sugar high or a "got them some sugar" high." "Well, I know I don't usually talk about my personal life at work because I didn't have one, but..." "I do now!" "Really?" "Who's the lucky guy?" "Did you meet him online?" "No, on nine!" "His name's Cam, he lives in the building." "I met him in the elevator." "The elevator?" "!" "Why the hell didn't I think of that?" "I mean, it's free, it's close by, and if a man lives in this fancy-pants building, he can afford some fancy pants. (Laughs)" "Speaking of..." "What are you skipping for?" "Did Channing Tatum come out the closet?" "I'm happy because I'm about to get invited to Josh's party, watch." "Hey, Josh." "I got a surprise for your party." "An advanced copy of "Corpses of War 15"." ""Corpse-Pocalypse?" Yes!" "I've been dying to play this game." "Me too!" "And since it's so hard to get..." "I was wondering, is there anyone else you want to invite?" "Someone who loves this game or..." "Someone who just said he loves this game?" "Yes!" "My buddy Amir." "A... what?" "Who?" "Thanks, Elliot!" "Looks like the only skipping you doing is the party." "(Doorbell rings)" "(Laughs) Oh, God, I just crack myself up!" "Hi, I'm Cam." "I'm here to see Gabi." "Cam, Cam, the elevator man!" "Hey Cam!" "What are you doing here?" "I know you're working, but I just wanted to stop by real quick and tell you what a great time I had last night." "Aww, well, you know, you coulda just texted me." "You can't text this." "Cam, I'm at work." "Hmmm..." "That some sweet-tasting lip gloss." "Thanks!" "You're not allergic to frosting, are you?" "I don't know, is anything swelling up?" "(Gasps)" "Oh, sweet lord." "So... tonight..." "I'd love to!" " You were gonna ask me out, right?" " Yeah." "Ah, great!" "There's this great new bar I've been dying to try." "Kinda over the bar scene." "Oh yeah, to..." "It's so loud and phony." "Hi there!" " I'm Josh" " Cam." "Uh, so, I hear you live in the building." "Do you live in the penthouse too?" "Uh, no, I'm on nine." "Oh, nine..." "I heard those places are cute!" "Real cozy." "Okay, thanks for stopping by." "Uh, do you wanna pick me up around eight?" "How about seven?" "It's sooner." "Okay." " Great meeting you." " Alright." "Real pleasure." "(Gasps) How great is he?" "I don't like him." " What?" " There's something off about him..." " His face is..." " Gorgeous?" " No, his eyes, they're..." " Deep pools of sapphire?" " His entire demeanor is..." " Sexy as hell!" "Thank you, Yolanda." "Look, you asked, I'm just telling you." "I got a gut feeling about him." "My gut is never wrong." "Your gut is wrong this time." "No, it isn't!" "Gabi, I'm telling you, you should stop seeing him." "What?" "Josh!" "No, there's nothing wrong with him!" "Yes, there is!" "I'm not sure what, but there's something about him." "It's only a matter of time before it comes out." "And when it does, mark my words, you're gonna be sorry you didn't listen to me." "Oh, really?" "Well I think you're the one who's gonna be sorry that you didn't listen to me when the truth doesn't come out, which sounds wrong, but, in fact, is right, like you were not about Cam." "I think I made my point." "(Elevator dings)" " I love you." " I love you too." "And... the truth comes out." "♪ ♪" "Anyway, Josh told Cam his place is "cozy"." "I mean, it was so mean and judge-y." "It was kinda like us when we watch "The Bachelor"." "Oh, my God." "It is so obvious what's going on." "I know..." "What?" "Josh is jealous of you and Cam." "Why?" "!" "(Screams)" "(Gasps) Why?" "Why would he be jealous?" "He's engaged to be married." "Because you guys slept together!" "Look, men are like dogs." "Once a dog pees on a tree, he doesn't one another dog peeing there." "Josh can't pick who pees on me." "Yeah!" "Exactly!" "He's not the boss of you!" "Actually he is..." "This is not really fair!" "(Gasps) Not fair!" "Look, you want Josh out of your personal life?" "Well, then you're just gonna have to be professional..." " And set some boundaries..." " Okay, alright..." "I'm gonna set one right now." "You're not going any higher." "(Cell phone sounds)" "Oh, sweet!" "Woody's coming tonight." "Guess who he's bringing." "Buzz Lightyear?" "Elliot, is everything okay?" "Yeah..." "I just don't care about your party." "I've got plans of my own, big plans I can't talk about." "And by "big plans", don't you mean..." "Table for one at "Color Me Mine"." "Please let me come to your party, please!" "Why would you want to?" "You've nothing in common with these people." "They're nerds, they're awkward." "Most of 'em never slept with a woman." "Neither have I!" "I'll fit in perfectly!" "I'm like a beige wingtip, I go with everything." "Okay, fine." "But promise me you will never say anything like that at the party." "I won't." "Don't worry." "I'll just be one of the boys." "Yay!" "Hey sorry I'm late, I couldn't find the coat hanger that starts my car." "Gabi..." "Um..." "I'm glad you're here." "There's something I wanna tell you, you should sit down for this." "Oh, no... who died?" "Am I fired?" "I didn't do it." "I wanna talk to you about Cam." "No!" "Josh... you know what?" "I really don't wanna discuss my personal life at work anymore, okay?" "From now on, I just want us to have a completely professional relationship." "Hmmm." "I hear ya." "I get it." "But I happen to see Cam hugging another women in the lobby and he even said he loved her." "Oh, my God." "Sofia was right." " She doesn't like him either?" " Nope." "You are jealous." "Jealous?" "!" "Jealous of what?" "You heard him, he lives on nine!" "You don't want anyone else peeing on my tree!" " What?" " That's why you're making this up." "Look, Gabi, before you go accusing me of being jealous and a liar, just go downstairs and ask Cam who he's hugging." "No, that's ridiculous!" "That would be insulting to him!" "And it would make me look insecure and jealous, which I'm not!" "I would never do something like that!" " Surprise!" " Hey Gabi!" "Uh..." "Now's not really a good time..." "Can I just see you later for our date?" "Cammy, who's at the door?" "Please tell me you have a cockatoo." "Who's this?" "Uh, I am Gabi." "Who's this?" "I'm Cammy's mom." "Oh, of course, you must be the new S.A.T. Tutor he's been raving about." "Cammy...?" "His mom...?" "S.A.T.S?" "You know, to be honest, I was afraid he wasn't gonna graduate high school." "High school?" "!" "When where you afraid of that?" "Like..." "like five years ago?" "(Laughs)" "Please." "(Oven dings)" "Oh, excuse me a moment, got something in the oven." "Okay, well, don't worry about it." "Cam and I are just gonna..." "How old are you?" "!" " Age is just a number." " Yeah..." "What is the number?" "!" " 17." " (Gasps)" "Oh, my God!" "No wonder you left early from our date, you have a curfew!" "Only on school nights." "And you're not into the bar scene because you can't get into one!" "But my cousin is getting me..." "Shut up, kid!" "Gabi, can you join us for dinner?" "Um, thank you, but, uh, I actually..." "I already have dinner plans, I'll be eating crow... quettes." "Wait, let me, at least, take a selfie of us." "Fun..." "I want a picture of his amazing tutor... (Camera clicks)" "Especially, if he gets into Berkley." "Oh, well, uh..." "Don't need to worry about that, he's already scoring..." "Way above his grade level!" "Hey, Gabi." "Where ya been?" "Nowhere, I've been nowhere." "Oh, really?" "And where exactly is nowhere?" "Maybe down on nine?" "Josh, can we not do this right now?" "Yes!" "Okay, look, it's totally cool." "Just wanna make sure you're okay." "I'm okay." "Good." "So, talking to Cam was pretty tough, h?" " Yeah!" " I knew it!" "See?" "!" "I'm not jealous!" "I'm not a liar, Cam's a cheater, I was right!" "♪ Josh was right, right r-r-r-right, right ♪ (Imitates DJ sounds)" "Stop it!" "You're not right!" "Pretty sure I am." "No!" "You're not!" "Okay?" "That woman that you saw him with, uh..." "Is his sister." "What?" "Yeah, oh, let me ask you something, tech genius." "Did the woman you saw him with look..." "Did she, uh..." "Did she look anything like this?" "Little bit." "And you honestly think I would be taking a selfie with Cam and his secret girlfriend?" "Probably not." "So then I was right, but, you know what?" "I really don't feel the need to throw it in your face." "I actually wanna thank you." "Because of you, Cam and I ended up having a really intimate conversation." "And he revealed things to me about himself that I just could not believe." "And, uh, it actually brought us closer." "So close, that he's comingr to my house for dinner tonight." "And you're looking at the menu." "What's up, bro-hymes?" "Let's talk code and get or V-game on!" "Hashtag bro-down!" "Elliott, what the hell are you wearing?" "Just my fave hoodie and cargo pants with lots of pockets for all my man stuff." "God, where's my tinted chapstick?" "(Elevator dings)" "You're young, skinny, and... get out!" "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm looking for a man." "And I don't need the competition." "You don't have to worry about me I got my hands full raising my son." "Oh, is he single?" "And how old is he?" "(Both laugh)" "He's 17." " Oh!" " Oh, and he is a heartbreaker!" "Oh, my damn!" "Right?" "This one's gonna give me trouble." "(Laughs) Yes, he is." "Josh, I need to talk to you." "I'm playing." "I'm not!" "Right now!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow, ow, ow!" "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" "What?" "Cam is 17!" "What?" "!" "Like "can't drink", "can't vote", "can't wait to hop on Gabi!"" "I gotta call her." "Hurry please, those 17-yeared-olds go fast!" "She's not answering." "Elliot, watch my guests, I gotta take off." "No!" "I just got here!" "Where you going?" "Gabi is about to sleep with a minor." "So?" "So?" "How come everything's always about Gabi?" "Ever since she started working here, you never have time for me." "Elliot, is this why you wanted to come to my party?" "It just seems like you like her more than me." "Hey, you've been around forever." "When I started this business, you were there." "We're a team." "So, you're saying..." "I'm the wind beneath your wings?" "You took the words right out of my mouth." "(Elevator dings)" "And, Elliot..." "Lose the hoodie." "Ah!" "(Cell phone ringing)" "Ah... it's Josh, again!" "Doesn't he know you're having fake sex with your underage boyfriend?" "You know, this is all your fault." ""Gabi, get back out there". "Gabi, be a taxi"." "Yeah, a taxi, not a school bus." "Okay, all you have to do is tell Josh that you and Cam had an amazing sex-a-thon and then broke up." "No harm, no statutory." "(Banging on door)" "Gabi!" "Gabi, open up!" "Oh, my God!" "It's Josh!" "He's here and Cam isn't, he's gonna know I'm lying." " Um..." " (Banging on door)" "Gabi, I need to talk to you." "You gotta be Cam." "Let's do this, woman." "Okay." "(Banging on door)" "Hey Josh." "Sorry it took me so long to get to the door." "I was having amazing sex over and over again." "Yo, Gabi, I need pizza, I worked up an appetite." "Agh!" "I'm too late!" " Too late for what?" " He's 17!" "Look, I'll get you a good lawyer, hopefully..." "No, no, no, wait, wait, wait." "You don't have to do that." "I know that he's 17." " You do?" " Yeah." "Oh, and he's not here." "Babe, still waiting on that pizza." "He knows, Sofia!" "Oh." "Look, when I found out Cam was 17, I broke it off with him." "So why did you tell me you guys were hooking up?" "Because I couldn't take your obnoxious gloating." "Well, look..." "If I wasn't right all the time..." "I wouldn't gloat..." "Oh, wow, I hear it." "I'm sorry things didn't work out with you and Cam." "It's okay, he wasn't my soul mate or anything," "I was just kinda hoping that he'd help me move on." "Move from...?" "Move on from..." "You." "Just, uh... grabbing my pizza." "All that fake sex really made me hungry." "I didn't know there was a "me" you needed to move on from." "There isn't." "There isn't, I think I just got a little confused." "You have to admit our situation was kinda weird, I mean..." "What are we?" "Friends?" "Boss/employee?" "One-time, drunken hookup?" "All of the above?" "I just wish we hadn't slept together, you know, it'd be so much easier." "I agree." "Look, that night Caroline broke up with me, I was a mess." "I needed someone and you were there." "I didn't really mean to be there quite that way." "I don't think either of us did, but... it happened." "And, hey, now that we're talking about it, maybe we can finally move forward." "Yeah, I'd like that." "But that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop meddling around your life." "'Cause you have to admit, it kinda helped." "Okay, I'll admit that, if you admit you were jealous." "It might have crossed my mind, as I left my own party to drive across town to stop you from having sex." "But what I really think it is, is..." "That I'm protective of you." "Sofia:" "Protective 'cause you're jealous!" "Protective because I care." "And as long as you work for me, and as long as we're friends," "I'm gonna watch out for ya." "I can't help that." "I can deal with that." "Ah, I should probably go." "Yeah." "Good night, Gabi..." "Good night, Josh." "Go!" "You've got to turn your taxi light on, baby!" "And let the world know you are single and ready to mingle!" "(Elevator dings)" "Hey!" "Wow..." "That blouse..." "Did you ever consider untucking and belting?" "Oh, my God!" "I was thinking that all day!" "I'm waiter, you going down?" "Fingers crossed."