"[crow caws]" "FRANKIE:" "Out here in the middle, the winters can be brutal, so we really appreciate that first warm day of spring." "Is it done?" "Can I use it?" "Can I use it?" "I can't wait to use it." "MIKE:" "Hold your horses." "Oh, my God, guys!" "It looks great!" "Oh, I have always hated that old rotting wood since the day we moved in here." "I've been carrying around that Sunset magazine for 22 years with the picture of what I wanted, and now I finally have my lanai!" "What's a lanai?" "It's a patio." "She calls it a lanai..." "makes it sound fancier." "I like "lanai." It's exotic." "Brings a little paradise to Orson." "Kind of like how my mom and I live on Orange Grove Avenue." "I'm not grilling burgers on a lanai." "This is Indiana." "Let's go with "patio."" "Well, I don't care." "I love it." "And thank you, thank you, thank you." "I'm already more relaxed, and that's not the drink talking." "Well, maybe a little." "Drunk or not, you're welcome." "Oh, but don't think I'm done yet." "Eventually, I want to have a tiki bar with a cabana and a flat-screen TV over there somewhere." "Okay." "Anything for you, baby." "[chuckles]" "Yep, there's nothing like the first warm day of the year, when the days get longer and the skirts get shorter... the day East Indy calls "halter top day."" "Hey, aren't you missing a class?" "Nope... missing a test." "[both laugh] [sniffs] Ooh!" "Man." "Something smells good." "Oh, that's Kenny." "They're making grilled cheese sandwiches." "It's one of those rare times you smell something good coming out the 'bago." " Huh." " [window opens]" "Ooh!" "[chuckles]" "Mmm!" "Oh, my God!" "Is this good 'cause it's good or am I just in a good mood 'cause it's halter top day?" "Shh." "I just want this moment to be between me and my sandwich." " Mmm." " Mmm." "Hey, uh, how much for a grilled cheese?" "What?" "Oh." "No, we're not really... $3.95... $4.00 with a napkin." "Oh." "Cool." "Kenny, order up!" "[sighs]" "Yep, I was breaking in the new lanai... my little oasis of calm." "BOY:" "Watch me, Mommy!" "GIRL:" "No, Mommy!" "Watch me!" "She watched you already!" "She's watching me now!" "GIRL #2:" "She's not watching anybody!" "[all yelling "Mommy!"]" "[children laughing in distance]" "Hi!" "Are you moving in?" "Yes." "Hi." "I'm Dierdre Peterson." " So nice to meet you." " Frankie Heck." "Welcome!" "Wow." "This house has been empty for so long." "We were wondering when we'd get new neighbors." "Oh, well, here we are... me, my husband, and our three kids." "And one on the way." " [gasps]" " But I'm a twin, so who knows?" "Fingers crossed." " Which way?" " [both laugh] [chuckles] Anyway, well, welcome to the neighborhood." "If you need anything, I am right across the fence, so just shout." "Actually, you don't even need to shout." "I could hear your normal speaking voice... 'cause I'm right there... over the fence." "[chuckles] Okay." "Bye!" "Okay." "Bye, now." "Thanks." "[children shouting in distance] [sighs]" "There's only one thing that can keep you inside on the best day of the year... the dorm lottery." "It's only two minutes till the pick order goes up." "My eyes are so dry, but I'm afraid to blink." "Please, please, please give us a good number." "Anything in the top 150, we can get into Alderman Dorm or Spencer." "Oh, and if we get in the top 75, we can get a south-facing room in Wentz Hall." " Ooh!" " Ooh!" "[gasps] Oh, no." "My hopes are up." "That is never good." "Down, hopes." "Down, hopes!" "The main thing is, we don't want anything 300 or below, or we're gonna be living in a major dump." "I'm not exactly sure what a dump is, but I hear bad things." "I'm scared, Lexie... so scared!" "It's gonna be okay." "I've got my lucky ruby lavaliere that my grandma gave to my mom and she gave to me." "I've got a rock from my dad's quarry." "Okay." "[both sigh]" " [computer chimes]" " BOTH:" "It's up!" "Oh, my God." "We're 4!" " 4 what?" "44?" "400?" " No, just 4." " 4?" " 4!" "[squeals] [both screaming]" "Oh, my gosh." "Now we can get into the flood room!" " [both screaming]" " Yes!" "We can get the flood room!" "Wait." "What is the flood room, and why do we want it?" "Oh, my God!" "That room's, like, famous." "Two years ago, this girl got super-drunk, tried to go to the bathroom on the sink." "It totally broke off the wall and flooded the entire room." "They had to completely redo it... new hardwood floors, new paint, new sink, and it's got six outlets!" "[both screaming]" "♪ We got six outlets!" "♪" "♪ We got six outlets!" "♪" "♪ We're gonna charge stuff ♪" "♪ With our six outlets!" "♪" " Whoo!" " Whoo!" "Okay, so the first day on the lanai was a bust, but that wasn't gonna stop me." "GIRL:" "I don't want a half a cookie!" " I want a full-size cookie!" " DIERDRE:" "No!" "It's almost dinnertime!" "Come in and take your bath!" "I don't want a bath!" "I want a full-size cookie!" "Well, if you're gonna scream, you can just stay out there!" " [door slams]" " I want a full-size cookie!" "I want a full-size cookie!" "I want a full-size vodka." "[bottles clink]" "Hey, Dad, I'm running out of space in my room." "Do you think your workers could come over and build me a bookcase?" "Maybe something in a dark walnut." "I really want to make the books pop." "What?" "They're not gonna do that, Brick." "Why not?" "They helped you." "Yeah, that's 'cause they're my friends." "Oh, I thought they were only doing it 'cause you're their boss." "No." "Where'd you get that idea?" "We're friends." "Friends help each other out." "So you go over to their houses and help them with stuff?" "Why don't you go outside with your mom?" "[sliding door opens]" "My lanai is screwed." "They don't stop, Mike." "Those stupid new neighbor kids are out there all the time screaming and yelling, and it's driving me crazy!" "Yep." "Yelling's annoying." " [sighs]" " Come on." "You remember how loud our kids were?" "What?" "They weren't loud." "They were inside on video games all day." "We were good parents." "What about the time Axl invented "garbage-can Jenga"" "and Old Lady Graber called the cops?" "Oh, that old bat was all up in everybody's business." "She once turned a hose on Christmas carolers." "What do you think I should do?" "Should I say something?" "How many times in life have you asked me that, and how many times has your "saying something"" "turned out to be a good idea?" " [children cheering, shouting in distance]" " Hi!" "Just checking in." "And I wanted to bring you a little something." "Here's some Cocoa Puffs as sort of a welcome to the neighborhood." "I know the box is open, but my son only had a small handful." "Oh, gee, thanks." "Everyone's so friendly." "A woman named Nancy brought over a chicken casserole." "Betcha she asked you to return the pan." "[chuckles] What a pain." "That box is yours to keep." "There's a maze on the back." "Anyway, it's a great neighborhood." "Everyone is so friendly." "We have a lot of fun together." "I've got a brand-new lanai, so I'm gonna be out in the yard a lot, enjoying that baby." "Oh, that sounds so nice." "I know my kids are loving our new backyard." "I can just open the door and let them go nuts." "I hear ya..." "literally." "As a matter of fact, we're gonna have a TV-free summer." "Oh, yeah?" "Hmm." "I don't know." "Most of the experts have reversed on that." "Turns out now they're saying a lot of TV is actually good." "It's educational. [chuckles]" " Really?" " Uh-huh." "I mean, if they don't speak Nickelodeon, hello, trouble!" "[chuckles]" "A little girl in this neighborhood was not allowed to watch "Go, Diego!" "Go!"... got into her parents' crème De menthe, rode her bike right into a tree." "[chuckling] So..." "Well, we're gonna be an outdoor family now." "Okay, but just so you know, this is supposed to be the worst tick season we've had in a while." "Ticks have very acute hearing, so when they hear children screaming, it's like a dinner bell to a tick." "The louder you are, the more they're like, [growling] "Yummy children!"" "[laughs]" "Well, I have a lot more unpacking to do, so..." "Oh, yeah." "Well, be careful." "[growls] [indistinct conversations]" "Hey!" "Two cheddar barges on a butter river!" "Two cheddar barges on a butter river coming up!" "Oh, dude, check it out!" "We are on fire!" "Hey." "You know what?" "I've been thinking." "What's the one thing we're missing?" "A permit from the Health Department?" "A sign!" "How's this sound?" ""Axl and Hutch present an Axl and Hutch Production, featuring sandwiches by Kenny."" " I love it." " Yeah, you do!" "I told you this RV was a good idea." "We are like "Breaking Bad," but with grilled cheese." "Uh-oh..." "We're out of Havarti, and we're running dangerously low on Camembert." "Well, we got a can of spray cheese." "Just use that." "Kenny is an artiste." "He can't compromise his integrity for spray cheese." "We can't keep using the fancy cheeses!" "I'm a business major, hmm?" "If I've learned anything, it's that you keep cutting quality till someone notices, and by then, it doesn't matter, 'cause you're already rich." "No way!" ""Axl and Hutch present an Axl and Hutch Production, featuring sandwiches by Kenny" was built on fine European cheeses." "Our customers expect the best." "That dude is wearing a robe and one shower shoe." "I don't think he cares." "Wait." "I have an idea." "Grilled cheese shots." "Hmm?" "We get them a piece of bread, spray cheese in their mouth, it's like a Jello shot, but with grilled cheese." "Mm!" "Hey, would you like to be the first to try our new grilled cheese shots?" "All right." "Uh-huh." "[coughs]" "Oh!" "I over-sprayed." "I'm so sorry." "[crowd groans]" "We're gonna work on that in our test kitchen." "Hey, Brick." "I just want to make it clear that Jim and Dave didn't come over and help out just 'cause they work for me." "I mean, it's not like they had to." "We're friends." "We hang out." "[spits]" "Hmm." "When was the last time they came over to, you know, hang out?" "It was when, uh..." "Dave came over to, uh, help with the dishwasher... and then fix the hole in Sue's... wall." "Brush your teeth." "I just did." "Do it again." "[gasps] Hi!" "Sorry to bother you, but we're gonna be living here next semester, so we were wondering if we could just take a few measurements." "[scoffs]" "They want to take measurements." "Fine." "Whatever." " [squeals]" " Ah!" "[gasps]" "Oh, my God!" "This place is gorgeous!" "[squeals]" "Look, Sue." "I'm still walking." "[laughs]" "So, guys, tell us everything." "What would you say is your favorite part of this room?" "That it's so close to everything." "We love that." "[squeals] [squeals]" " So, are you guys graduating?" " Nope." "Oh!" "Did you get a nice house?" "Nope." "No, we drew number 562 in the lottery, so now you get to kick us out and we get to get stuck with whatever sucky room is left after everybody else on the whole campus gets to pick." "Sorry." "I don't care about me." "Whatever." "But she has chronic fatigue syndrome." "Some days, she can't even get out of bed." "Amber." "Hi." "Nice to meet you." "That's why this room was so perfect." "It's close to everything, and she gets to have her own bathroom." "Excuse me." "I have to go brush the other half of my teeth." "[sighs]" "Oh, my God, Lexie." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "That our flat-screen would go great up on this wall?" "Oh, it so would." "But no." "We can't take this room from her." "Look at her." "She's literally shuffling." "Well, my grandma shuffles, and she loves life." "Poor thing." "I just feel really bad for her." "I know, but it's not like we asked for a better number." "That's just how it worked out." "Besides, they say that dealing with struggles in life builds character." "Like this one time, we were supposed to have a penthouse, and we got stuck in a beach villa with only one infinity pool." "I don't know any of the words you're saying." "Look, Lexie, we need to put ourselves in Amber's shoes." "We have to do the right thing here." "We just have to." "[whimpers] I know." "I know." "You're right." "You're totally right." "[sighs]" "You can keep the room." "What?" "Yeah." "We can't take it from you." "In fact, we should switch numbers so nobody else gets it, either." "You can have our number, and we'll take your... 562." "Wait." "Are you serious?" "Are you two really doing this?" "[whining] The lights are on dimmers." "Just don't look." "We could never be happy here knowing we'd taken it from someone who needs it more." "Oh, my God." "Like, no one does that." "Thank you!" "And seriously, if you guys ever need to store anything in our walk-in closet... [chuckles]" "[indistinct conversations]" "Oh-ho!" "I am so getting this drone." "And it's a total business expense, too." "We can use it to drop off grilled cheeses." "So is this jet ski, 'cause we can deliver to boats." " Mm!" " Also, I think I'm gonna get pec implants." "I got great legs, but I'm out of proportion." "I can use a little more... right here." "MAN:" "Hey!" "What's taking so long?" "It's just cheese, dude." "Kenny." "We got some customers." "Whoa, whoa!" "Kenny, wait." "Where are you going?" "This is the post-hangover, pre-drunk rush." "They need to line their stomachs with more cheese for another night of partying." "While people are frequently enigmatic, with food, I've found a language with which I can express myself." "But you've taken that and made it all about money." "I'm profoundly sad." "Damn, Kenny." "You don't talk much, but when you do, you make a man think." "I quit." "Okay, so there might have been a few setbacks, but I wasn't gonna be run out of my own lanai by a few kids." "I was the adult here, and I did what any adult would do..." "I snuck out at 5:00 in the morning." "[metal creaking] [children shouting, cheering]" "I'm jumping like a kangaroo!" "Hi." "Beautiful day, huh?" "Getting settled in?" "Anyway, this is kind of weird, but I just happened to find this flier in my mailbox, and I thought of you." "Orson Township Summer Camp?" "You have kids, right?" "Yeah, this is a really great program." "My kids loved it." "I recommend they go for the whole day." "That way, they start to make those all-important lifelong friendships." " I'll think about it." " You really should." "The counselors take the kids out in the country far away and let them run and get all their energy out." "What about the ticks?" "They don't have them out there." "[chuckles nervously]" "Jim and I." "What?" "Jim and I went to a basketball game." "We didn't fix anything." "We just enjoyed the game, like friends do." "Hmm." "Whose tickets were they?" "They were his." "So he took his boss to a basketball game." "Have you ever done anything nice like that for him?" "I gave him a job." "Hmm." "[sighs]" "Quality takes time." "Your patience is appreciated." "Our customers come first." "Animals!" "I'm dying here, man!" "You got to buy me some more time!" "Okay, uh, let's see." "Uh, we're expanding our menu!" "Who wants, uh..." "da-da-da-da-da... peanut butter on a spoon?" "No." "Okay." "Um, how about..." "Ooh!" "Half a can of tuna?" "Or, um... a Band-Aid!" "Heh?" "So, Sue and Lexie may not have gotten the flood room, but their hearts were overflowing with the feeling of knowing they had done the right thing." " [gasps]" " What?" "[gasps]" "Maybe she only gets it sometimes?" "Lexie, it's not called intermittent fatigue syndrome." "[scoffs]" "Oh, my God." "We totally pulled it off!" "And you were a genius." "I thought we were screwed till you threw ice, marshmallows, and mouthwash into a blender and called it [chuckling] the Blue Glacier Blast." "Aw, it was nothing." "Anyway, how about you?" "Using that big jar of marmalade that was already in the fridge when we bought the RV?" "I don't know." "I was just in the zone." "I skimmed the mold off the top, put a scoop of it on a plate with just a hint of peanut-can dust, and bam... deconstructed PBJ." "Hey." "Well, we got to restock and get back out there." "If we could do this much during lunch, while people are sober, imagine what we can do outside O'Brien's for Dollar Beer Night." "Hey, we may be out of cheese, but we got plenty of bread." "I tell you what..." "I'm not gonna be one of those stereotypes who gets rich and buys their mom a house." "Now, I will buy a house, but if she's gonna stay there, she's gonna have to pay rent." "Hells yeah!" "If you let them, parents will just mooch and mooch." "It was 22 years and one week in the making, but at last, I was one with my lanai and peace was finally mine." "Oh, come on!" "Oh!" "Hello, there." "Oh, I see you're just out of the shower." "Aren't you tired?" "Maybe you should lie down." " Can we get you a blankie?" " Or a pillow?" "What are you talking about?" "Oh, I'll tell you what we're talking about." "She'll tell you what we're talking about." "Enjoy your last minutes in this room, 'cause we're taking it back!" "Yeah, Amber!" "I'm sorry." "I don't know what you're..." "HEATHER:" "What are you doing?" "This is her day to use conditioner." "That always takes more out of her." "Enough of this charade." "We know you're faking it." "Get up." "Oh, what's wrong, Amber?" "Are you all sleepy from your chronic fatigue?" "Maybe I have chronic fatigue, too!" "Oh!" "Ooh!" "This tissue is so heavy." "Oh, I can't even hold it!" " Ohhhhh!" " Why are you yelling at my sister?" "'Cause they're psycho!" "That's why!" "They just barged in here and started making fun of Amber!" "Amber, are you okay?" "What kind of horrible people would try and take advantage of someone with chronic fatigue syndrome?" "No!" "No, no, no, no, no." "We are not horrible." "We're nice!" "So, so nice!" "I didn't even think about identical twins." "Statistically, they are very rare!" "Uh, can I write you a check for your sadness?" "Take the room... really." "We don't need it." "We'll be fine anywhere." "You're next to the garbage chute, so if it starts to smell, something might be stuck, and you'll need to use a broom to push the stinky stuff through." "Oh, and never remove any of the steel wool sticking out of the walls." "It's not pretty, but it keeps the rats from getting in." "[men shouting in distance]" "Well, you know, [clears throat] it's not great, but maybe once we get all our cute stuff in... [children shouting]" "Okay, I have been nice for over a week, but enough is enough!" "Your kids are out of control!" "I tried to be a good neighbor, but some of us would like to be able to enjoy our lanais, but we can't, because no matter what the time of day, your kids are out there screaming," "they're jumping, they're yelling!" "And can I ask you something?" "With all the exercise they're getting, would it kill you to give them a full-size cookie?" "!" "Oh, my gosh." "I am so sorry." "I know that they're loud, but what am I supposed to do?" "We were in an apartment before this, and now they're just so excited to have a yard." "Should I not let them play in their own backyard?" "For the most part, they're really good kids." "They're just... kids." "[sighs] [knock on door]" "How you doing, guys?" "Hey, Mike." "You been enjoying the lanai?" "Oh, well, I'm gonna enjoy it for sure once you guys come over for a barbecue." " [laughs]" " Right." "I don't know what's funny about that." "I was just inviting you over, like people do." "Anyway, let's get that final glaze on the pavers, and Dave and I will get out of your hair." "No." "No, no." "You're not in my hair." "And you know what?" "Forget about the glaze." "I can do that myself, buddy." "Oh." "Then why didn't you call us and tell us not to come?" "Well, I thought... you know, y-you're welcome to hang out... like friends do." "Eh." "If you don't need us, I think I'll just go grab a beer at Jimmy Day's." "Hey, I'll go with you." "Huh." "Well..." "Next time, then." "[sighs]" "It's lonely at the top." "This is the top?" "[sighs]" "Well, it happened." "I'm officially Old Lady Graber." "It was only a matter of time." "If you're looking for me, I'll be peering out the window with my compression socks rolled down around my ankles." " [laughter on TV]" " Keep it down in here!" "You know, the thing about life is, it's all about how you look at it." "Sometimes you just got to take the negatives and turn them into positives." "Like, my kids are all grown up, but now I'm lucky enough to live next to little kids." "So now when I hear screaming and yelling," "I'm not gonna go all Old Lady Graber on them." "Nope, I'm gonna think how lucky I am to be living next to so much joy." "GIRL:" "I don't want a half a cookie!" "I want a full-size cookie!" "GIRL #2:" "Cookie!" "Cookie!" " Get off!" " It's mine!" " Get off!" " Get off!" "[children shouting]" " Cookie!" " Cookie!" "[shouting continues]" "Hey." "Glad you're back, Kenny." "Yeah, man." "Sorry we commercialized your art." "[sighs]" "You know, I think I like it better this way." "Why has nobody thought of this before?" "Think about it... convertible RVs." "What if it rains?" "Well, just park under a bridge." "[chuckles]" "Man, between that and the grilled cheese, we're gonna make a fortune." "We are crushing it right now." "[both chuckle]" "Yep." "Life really is how you look at it."