"[Mary Alice] Previously on Desperate Housewives:" "Lynette made excuses." " The restaurant closed a half hour ago." " We're doing inventory." " Carlos made a friend..." " Nothing better than family." "And Edie made a pass..." "Victor popped the question..." "Will you marry me?" "Susan let Mike down..." " I love you." " You love him a little bit more." " And Ian..." " Good-bye, Susan." "... let Susan go." "It can happen to anyone." "An old woman hears suspicious footsteps as she walks down the street." "A businessman sees a reflection in his car window." "A shop owner feels a blade press against his back." "And, in that instant, an ordinary person is transformed into a victim." "And a world that seemed so safe is suddenly filled with danger." "So this little ear-shaped pasta is called..." "Orecchiette." "And the cubes of bacon are pancetta." "Thank God for Italian." "You can charge way more for orecchiette with pancetta, than you'd ever get for bacon and little ears." "Thank you." "[sighs] This is nice." "Doesn't need more garlic?" "No, I mean... everything." "The food, the wine... you." "I swear, there are times this is all that gets me through my day." "Knowing, at the end of it, I get to steal this little half hour where I'm not a mom or a wife or a pizza slave." "I'm just a tired lady with a nice man who cooks for her." "Well, it's the highlight of my day, too." "Sorry, guys." "We're closed." "Yeah, we know." "Put your cell phones on the table." "Oh, crap." "Get in there!" "Don't make any noise!" " [gasps] - [whimpers] Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "They locked us in here, and it's 42 degrees." "We're gonna freeze to death." "Listen, don't panic." "When you don't come home, Tom will come looking for you." "No, he won't, he takes a pain pill at ten." "He's probably already asleep." "Jeez." "How are we gonna make it through the night in here?" "[Mary Alice] Yes, in the moment it takes to bolt a freezer door, ordinary people can become victims." "Better?" "And a world that seemed so safe..." "Yeah, that helps." "... is suddenly filled with danger." "At the exact same moment his wife was being locked in a freezer," "Tom Scavo was having a nightmare about monsters trying to destroy his home." "But it wasn't until he woke up the next morning that his real nightmare began." "You awake?" "Yeah." "Did you sleep at all?" "A little." "Thanks for not letting me freeze last night." "You kidding me, you're the one who kept me warm." "You don't have a fever, do you?" "No, that's just me." "Tom's always kicking the covers off the bed." "He calls me his little blonde furnace." "He's a lucky guy." " [outside door opens] - [footsteps]" "[Tom] Lynette!" "Tom!" "In here!" " Oh, thank God!" " We were robbed!" "I don't care about that." "Are you OK?" "Were you hurt?" "No, I'm fine." "No, no, I'm just cold." "I was so worried about you." "If you knew the places that my mind has been." "I'm sorry." "I would have called, but they took our cell phones before they locked us in." " Us?" " [Rick] Hey." "Hey." "I can't believe one dress could cost so much." "I want to look fabulous when Victor is elected mayor." "Isn't it bad luck to buy a dress for a victory party before the election?" "Vern, focus!" "It's never bad luck when I look fabulous." "Oh, hi." "Don't worry." "I'm here now." "Your meter just expired." "You might want to put another quarter in." "Oh, no." "I'm just gonna say bye to my friend, then I'm gone." "This whole thing is crazy." "I go on one gay cruise, and find you engaged to a politician." "Oh, Vern, I can't wait for you to meet him." "He's everything I've ever wanted in a man." "Sensitive and kind..." " And buys you $3,000 dresses." " Buys me $3,000 dresses!" "He's fine with you being high maintenance." "Oh, my God, that's the best part." "He lets me be me." "All right, I gotta get going." "See you later." "What are you doing?" "I told you I was leaving." "Stop writing!" "But you weren't leaving." "You were flapping your gums." "Give me a break!" "I was standing there." "You could've said something." "I told you to put a quarter in." "Spoiled bitch." "You can't talk to me like that!" "Forty dollars?" "!" "Think I'm going to pay that?" "No, I'm guessing it'd be the sap that bought you the $3,000 dress." "[Susan] Hey, Carlos!" "Wait!" "Hi." "Look, there's some crazy rumor going around that Mike moved." "It's true." "He went on a little trip, then he's heading back east." "Oh, my God." "Where is he now?" "Look, I know that I've put Mike through the wringer." "That's why I have to talk to him, to make it right." " He's not answering his cell phone." " He turned it off." " Said he wanted to clear his head." " Carlos, tell me where to find him!" "I'm sorry, Susan." "You know what they say, "Bros before hos."" ""They" say it, I don't." "Come on." "Just for my peace of mind." "I have to know he's OK." " I don't know..." " What am I gonna do?" "Go hunt him down?" "I have a daughter." "I have responsibilities." "OK." "He hiked to the hot springs at Pinewood Valley State Forest." "OK, Julie, I'm out of here." "Here's 40 bucks on the counter." "Are you sure this is a good idea?" "If I don't find Mike before he's off that mountain, I won't see him again." "What you're doing is nauseatingly romantic, but how do you know he wants to see you?" "After the "I choose Ian" thing?" "That's why I have to go." "I have to make amends and heal his broken heart." "What if his devastation has turned to anger, and he's burning pictures of you in his fire?" "Well, what else can I do?" "I love him." "I have to go." "Then go." " Strike three!" "You're out of there!" " Again?" "How are you beating me?" "You got someone in there greasing the ball for you?" "Hey, come on, Travers, you can take him!" "Go for the soft underbelly!" "Soft?" "What are you talking about?" "I'm all muscle." " Travers, feel that bicep." " Mom's is harder." "Oh, well thank you, sweetheart." "Fine, I can take a hint." "I need a little exercise." "So how about we go to the batting cages and hit a few?" " Cool!" " Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa." "We're going to the movies." "How about batting cages on Saturday?" "Sounds great." "Yeah, we'll get to find out who hits the ball harder, you or Mom." "You are so going down." "Come here." " [doorbell rings]" " Hey, who the hell is that?" "Hello, Edie." "Uh, Travers." "It's your dad." "[Charles] Kenya was amazing." "And being part of Doctors Without Borders was rewarding." "But I can't do it again..." "Not with the time commitment." "Gonna have to wait until this little guy's in college." "So when are you taking Travers home?" "Not till tomorrow." "I'm speaking at a conference in Hilldale this afternoon." "And if you're hungry, I'm buying you breakfast." " That'd be great!" " All right." "I'll help you get dressed." "You know, um, if you want to take a couple days and chill," "Edie and I would be happy to keep looking after Travers." "Oh, thanks, but we should probably get back home." "Right." "The thing is, we made plans to take him to the batting cage on Saturday." "Oh, sorry." "Well, maybe you can take him the next time he visits." "Yeah." "And when do you think that'll be?" "I don't know." "Um, I'll have to check my schedule." "I don't mean to sound pushy." "It's just, the three of us, we've been having a lot of fun together." "Well, look at the bright side, you'll have a lot more time alone with Edie." "Yeah, that is good." "Officer, I cued it up to the clearest shot of the guy." "Thank God you made me spring for that surveillance camera." "I wanted to spend money on a pinball machine." "Son of a bitch!" "I think these are the same guys that hit the diners in Mount Vernon." " You mind if I rewind?" " No." "I wanna see the exact time they came in." "Oh, whoops." "Overshot it a little." "I was doing receipts and Rick surprised me with this great idea for the menu." "What are they called?" " Orecchiette." "It means little..." " I know what it means." "And he makes them with pancetta and garlic and olive oil." "It's really, really good." "It's gonna be our special tonight." "The door was unlocked?" "You need to be more careful." "The two of you were just asking for trouble." "Yeah, I guess we were." "[crowd chatters]" "[Jerome] Quiet, quiet!" "They're about to announce." "[woman] Valley Ridge is too close to call." "But there's a winner in Fairview." " It's Victor Lang by ten percent." " [crowd cheers]" "[crowd] Speech!" "Speech!" "Speech!" "Thanks, I couldn't have done it without any of you." "I'd especially like to thank my beautiful fiancée, Gabrielle." "I will, when the feeling returns to my lower back." "Sir, the mayor's on the phone." "Sounds like he wants to concede." " Gabrielle!" "Congratulations!" " Thank you." " Your husband runs a great campaign." " We're so excited for Victor." "What a day, huh?" "Well, it is ending a lot better than it started." "What happened?" "This morning I got in a fight with a parking cop over a ticket." "The guy was a total jerk." "Your days of dealing with that crap are over." " What do you mean?" " Mayor Johnson's wife, Sydney..." "She's been collecting parking tickets like bubble gum cards for years." "Just gives 'em to her husband." "They disappear." "Keep talking." "Honey, you are no longer one of the little people." "Forget jury duty, speeding tickets..." "You rule this town now." "Well, he conceded." "I'm the mayor." "You ready to be the mayor's wife?" "Am I ever." "Knock, knock." "Hey." "Where's Travers?" "His dad's helping him pack." "God, I'm gonna miss that little guy." " It's been so much fun." " Yeah." "It was." "Aw, you're gonna miss him, too, aren't you?" "I know what would cheer us up." "A weekend getaway, just the two of us." "How's that sound?" "Actually, I'm busy this weekend." "Oh, really?" "I thought we had plans to go to the batting cage." "But that was gonna take a couple hours." "I'm swamped with work." "Since when?" "You spend every day hanging out with me and Travers." "I've been putting off work so that I could be there to help you with him." "Now it's time to buckle down." "So what does that mean for you and me?" "We're still gonna see each other." "Look, I was thinking for your birthday, we would go to that new oyster bar." " My birthday's two weeks from now." " Yeah." "It'll be my treat." "Great." "Looking forward to it for the next 14 days." "Hey, don't let Travers leave without saying good-bye to me." "I wouldn't dream of it." "I know how much he means to you." "Hi, there." "Can I get a map to the hot springs?" "I'm gonna hike up there." "No problem." "You got gear?" " Yup." " That's not gear." " Why not?" " It's tiny, ma'am." "And pink." "Well, it's my daughter's." "The whole junior class has them." "Does the junior class have compasses, too?" "Trail shoes?" "Tents?" "Why would I need a tent?" "It's a two day hike to reach the springs." "Two days?" "Can't I just drive part of the way and hike from there?" "That's not really how nature works, ma'am." "There are trails, not roads." "Well, maybe I am a little unprepared, but it'll be fine." "I work out." "I have quads of steel." " I'm sorry, I just can't..." " Can't?" "There's no "can't" in love!" "There's a man on that mountain I intend to spend my life with." "Nothing's going to keep me from him!" "Not fate, not destiny and not you!" "To finish my thought, ma'am." "I can't let you go up there alone." "You'll need a guide." "Cool." "How do I get one of those?" "Toni, I got a hiker for ya!" "This is Toni." "And those are quads of steel." "Thanks for suggesting we do this." "I've always wanted to try this place." "You've been working for me over a month, and I figured it was time we got acquainted." " So much I don't know about you." " I'll be happy to fill in the blanks." "What would you like to know?" "Well, for starters..." "Are you sleeping with my wife?" "What?" "No, Tom, of course not." "So you're just hoping to sleep with her?" "If this is about the video, I swear, I was just trying out a new recipe..." "Don't give me the recipe line." "I am not an idiot." "Truth is, Lynette and I have been going through sort of a rough patch." "Yeah, she told me about that." "And then you came along and wham, it's the perfect storm." "You're young, good looking, sensitive..." "Way more fun than five screaming kids and a cranky, invalid husband." "Tom, seriously, nothing has happened." "And nothing is going to." "Because you are gonna quit." "Quit?" "No, I'm not gonna do that." "You want me gone, fire me." "Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" "Have Lynette fight for you, while I'm the jealous jerk who can't trust his wife." "No, you have to quit." "I'm staying as long as Lynette wants me there." "And, make no mistake, she wants me there." "Buddy, you're not thinking this thing through." "Because Lynette will never leave her family." "So the best that you can hope for is to catch her at a weak moment, and leave a wound in her marriage that will take years to heal." "But it will heal." "Because I will stand by her and I will love her just as hard as she hates herself for what she did." "You still feel like sticking around?" "Can I get you some more bread?" "No, I think I've had just about enough." "[Susan] I mean, the doctor said that Mike might never come out of the coma." "Then when he did, he didn't even remember me." "Do you need to rest a second?" "You sound winded." "No, I'm invigorated." "This fresh mountain air is..." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Oh!" "Uh..." "A little help?" "So, anyway, the whole situation with Mike, it just seemed hopeless." "That's when I decided to take a chance with Ian." "The British guy whose heart you crushed?" "Yeah." "What was I supposed to do, wait forever for Mike?" "No, seriously, I was asking." "What would you have done?" "I would have waited for him." "Well, clearly you were not paying attention." "I did go back to Mike the second he woke up, and he had totally forgotten me!" "But none of that matters anymore, because... [coughs, chokes]" "Bug." "[sighs] You know, the bugs can't get in if you keep your mouth shut." "Travers?" "I have someone who wants to meet you." " A puppy!" " Yeah, you wanna hold him?" "He's awesome!" "Are you gonna keep him?" "No, he's not mine." "He's yours." " No way!" " Way!" "I just rescued him from the pound." "So what are you gonna call him?" "Fenway." "After Fenway Park." "That is so cute." "Everybody back home is gonna be so jealous." "But, Mom, I can't take him home." "Dad's allergic." "That's right." "Shoot." "I'm gonna have to take poor little Fenway back to the pound." "No!" "Why can't I keep him here?" "Well, you don't visit here very often." "And I can't take care of a dog all by myself." " Well, I don't know what else to do." " Why can't I just visit you more?" "Hey, that's a thought." "And Carlos would love it, too." "I don't know how your father will feel about joint custody." "I'll talk to him." "I'll tell him I want it." "Really?" "Well, that would be great." "But you better make sure that he knows that it was all your idea, OK?" "We're three hours from the hot springs." "So if we get an early start tomorrow, we should be there by lunch." "What are you doing?" "It's a face mask." "It's lavender and honey." "You want some?" "Honey, huh?" "You're in the middle of the woods getting ready to smear your face with bear food?" "Well, I wanted to look nice for Mike." "Lord knows I don't want to hear you talk about this anymore, but..." "What exactly do you think is gonna happen with you and this guy?" "Well, I'm going to apologize and then I'm gonna tell him that I made a huge mistake." "No, no, no." "After that." "Say he accepts your apology, you get back together, and then what happens?" "You know, after the novelty wears off." "Well, then we'll just be happy." "OK." "I know it's dark, but I can see you." "Look, after hearing your whole history with Mike, it doesn't take a genius to figure out the problem." " What is it?" " You." "You don't want to be happy." "You're a drama junkie." "When there is no drama, you create it." "You sleep with your ex-husband, you cheat on a coma victim, and now you're hiking up a mountain after a guy who has no idea you're coming!" "Who knows?" "Maybe this guy will take you back." "But once the dust settles, you'll kick up some more, because you don't know how to just be happy." "You don't even know me." "How dare you talk to me like that." "Oh, so dramatic." "I'm gonna turn in now." "All right, sunshine, let's get moving." "What are you looking at?" "My city." "It's like I'm seeing it for the first time." "It looks different now that I'm first lady of Fairview." "You didn't just call yourself "first lady of Fairview."" "Well, well, well." "Who do we have here?" "Wouldn't you love to rub his nose in your new power?" "Vern, you're just awful." "And as it happens, so am I." "Gabby, come on." "I was just joking." "Hey, lady, that's a hydrant." "You can't park there." "Really?" "Because I just did." " You again." " Gabby..." "Just stand back and enjoy the carnage." "Thank you." "Now, what you're about to see may astound you." "Ta-da!" "You know, I could give you another ticket for littering." "You could try, but you might not want to." "See, I'm engaged to Victor Lang." "Ring a bell?" "The mayor?" "Your new boss?" " I don't follow politics." " Let me know when the carnage begins" " so I can shield my eyes." " Shh!" "Listen, buddy!" "You're not getting it!" "You answer to me now!" "I could have you fired!" " You can't do nothing!" " I can do whatever I want!" "In fact, my first official act of business as Mayoress of Fairview... is to declare today "Free parking day!"" "Hey, knock that off." "Hey!" " Free parking!" "[screams]" " Gimme that!" " Gimme that!" " Ow!" "You're hurting me!" " Ow!" " [police sirens]" "Oh, you know what that sound is, fat boy?" "The sound of your career circling the bowl." "You'll find out what happens when you screw with the first lady of Fairview." "OK, north." "I need north." "Moss grows on the north side of trees, so..." "What?" "Damn it." "Stupid mossy trees." " Ow!" "Oh!" "[gasps] - [owl hoots]" " Dad!" " Hey, buddy!" "How're you doing?" "Good." "Can I ask you a question?" "Sure." "You can ask me anything." "How would you feel about joint custody?" "You bought him a puppy?" "No, I bought myself a puppy." "How was I to know that he'd get so attached?" "Don't lie to me, Edie." "You were trying to manipulate him." "What, would it be so terrible to have joint custody?" "In case you forgot, I am his mother." "Two weeks out of the year." "And that's the way you wanted it!" "Well, I've changed my mind." "Oh, damn it, Edie!" "We had an agreement!" "It wasn't official." "And there isn't a judge in this world that would keep a mother from her child." "[argument continues, indistinct]" "Hey, Travers." "What's going on?" "Mom and Dad are fighting." "You wanna go watch TV at my house?" "OK." "I'll see you there in a sec, buddy." "[Charles] If you haul me into court, so help me, I will destroy you." "You threaten me again and I will go for full custody, you son of a bitch." "[Charles groans]" " Oh, hi." " Hey." " So what is going on?" " Edie has lost her mind." "For eight years, she's been happy to see him two weeks a year." "Now, out of the blue, she's gotta have joint custody." " Really?" " Yeah!" "How's that supposed to work?" "We live four hours away." "Is he going to go to two different schools?" "I don't know what to tell you, man." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, thanks." "You know, I just don't get it." "Edie's been perfectly happy with our arrangement." "What the hell's gotten into her?" " [Lynette] Well, thanks." " Good night." "Come again." "There." "Hey." "I made you an espresso." " Great." " You OK?" "You've been so quiet all night." "I had lunch with Tom today." "That's funny." "He didn't mention it." "He asked if I was sleeping with you." "What?" "I am so sorry." "Oh, my God." "I'm so sorry." "That paranoid idiot!" "You know, I knew it." "I knew when we were watching the tapes he would completely misinterpret it." " Did he?" " Did he what?" "Did he misinterpret it?" "Or did he just see what is obvious, that you and I can't admit?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "There's nothing to admit." "Lynette, how long are we going to kid ourselves?" "I have feelings for you." "I know you feel something for me." "Stop!" "Don't say it!" "You cannot say these things!" "It's true." "We've been flirting since we met." "Yes, flirting." "That's it!" "It's what married people do, because there's a line you don't cross." "And maybe I've gotten close to that line." "Maybe I've enjoyed getting close to that line, but I have never once crossed it." "Look, I know I don't have much to offer..." "And I have nothing to offer." "I am taken!" "[groans]" "Great, great." "Now..." "Now what, you're mad at me?" "Yeah, I'm mad!" "I am mad because I loved our nights together!" "It made me feel sexy and happy and God, how I needed that." "And now it's over." "You ruined it!" "You can't work here anymore." "You're gonna fire me?" "Oh, jeez." "What choice do I have?" "Lynette, Lynette, please..." "Don't touch me." "You have to go now, please." "Go." "You have to go now." "Go on." "Go." "[Toni] Her name is Susan Mayer." "She's never hiked before." "Now, this is the last place I saw her, but honestly, she could be anywhere." "Just checking back in." "Name's Delfino." "Delfino." "Great, you're all set." "[Tompson] You sure she's lost?" "Of course I'm sure!" "She's a dippy brunette from the suburbs!" "She didn't bring a compass, she brought makeup." "Is she the one looking for the guy at the hot springs?" "Yep, that's her." "Now let's go find her before she falls off a cliff." "[Toni] The woman is a total klutz!" "[Tompson] All right, we'll split up." "I'll take the north of the river here." "You look down in here." "Excuse me." "This klutz, could you tell me her name?" "[pants, winces]" "Hey, Mike, um..." "Listen, I know your cell phone's off, but..." "I wanted you to know that I followed you up to the hot springs and now I'm lost." "You know, on the off chance that I get devoured by a mountain lion..." "I just wanted you to know that I love you." "I've always loved you. [cries]" "And I don't want any more drama." "And if you take me back, I promise there won't be." "Unless I get eaten by a lion." "That'll be dramatic, but it won't be my fault." "Anyway, um..." "I hope it's not too late, but if it is, I just..." "I just want you to know that I'm so, so... [phone beeps off]" "...sorry." "[sighs]" "Here she is, sir." "No charges, no press, it never happened." "Hi, honey." " You look handsome in a tux." " Jerome, give us the room, please." "All right, I know you're mad." "But wait till you hear what that jerk did to me." "Gabby, shut up." "Are you familiar with the quote," ""For the one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded?"" "Um... doesn't ring a bell." " It's from the Bible..." " [laughs] That explains it." "[shouts] This is not a joke!" "I have been elected mayor." "Certain things are expected of me!" "One in particular is that my future wife not assault city employees!" " He was mean!" "He deserved..." " I don't care!" "Your behavior reflects on me." "I can't do my job if you're constantly humiliating me." "Constantly?" "Aside from today, give me one example." "Jumping into my arms like a ten-year-old at the party?" "I was just joking around, being me." "I thought you liked that." "I do, in private." "In public, you have to act like a grown-up." "OK." "I'm sorry I disappointed you." "It won't happen again." "I had better get dressed." "I don't want to be late to the victory party." "What happened to your wrist?" "That's what I was trying to tell you." "The meter man grabbed my arm and twisted it." "What?" "My God, he left a bruise." "It's not as bad as it looks." "Still, he shouldn't have done that." " Hey." " Hey." "You're home early." "It was kind of dead tonight." "Hi." "Oh, sorry." "By the way, we are gonna need to find a new chef." "Rick gave notice." "He quit?" "He got a better offer from some place across town." "That's too bad." "Well..." "Whatcha gonna do?" "Well, we don't have to hire someone." "I am coming back." "You sure you're ready?" "Yeah, doctor said I can lose the back brace next week." "And I promise I'll take it easy." "No lifting, just cooking." "Well, OK then." "I feel really good about this, hon." "I have been going nuts just lying around." "[cries]" "This is gonna be so great." "We're a team again." "[Tom] And, besides I missed you." "I missed you, too. [cries]" " [Carlos] Hey, Edie." " Well, hello, stranger." "Come on in." "So what's up?" "Nothing much." "I hear you're going for joint custody of Travers." "Yep." "I hired a lawyer, and he is a real shark." "You're not messing around, huh?" "I think it's important that Travers has his mother in his life." "Of course, he'll probably want to spend more time with his video game buddy." "Yeah." "You know, but I just keep thinking..." "What's it gonna be like for him?" "The traveling back and forth." "He's a kid." "He'll adjust." "Two schools, two sets of friends." "It's not going to be easy." "Why are you being so negative?" "I thought you'd be excited about this." "I know you did." "I just want you to ask yourself, is this really in the best interest of Travers?" "Kids need stability." "What about what I need?" "I know that you miss him." "I know that you're worried about being lonely, but I am going to be here for you." "Yeah, once every two weeks." "No, I'm really going to be here for you." "And I'm gonna make you happy." " Don't say that if you don't mean it." " I do." "All right." "I'II, um..." "I'll call off the lawyer." "[cries] You know, I really am gonna miss him." "Yeah." "Me, too." "[crowd chatters, laughs]" "[Jerome] Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the next mayor of Fairview," " Victor Lang!" " [crowd cheers, music plays]" " Your name Jeff Scott?" " Yeah." " You read meters for a living?" " Uh-huh." "Do you know how much I love you?" "[grunts] Ow!" "Oh!" "I think so." "[Mary Alice] Anyone can end up a victim  injured by the actions of others." "But whether the damage is inflicted by a cunning ex-wife  or a blow delivered by the object of our affection  the time comes when we must pick ourselves up and continue on ourjourney." "And if we can't, then all we can pray for  is rescue." "[sighs] Mike." "I twisted my ankle." "Good." "Because now I get to do this."