"Come on kids, people are gonna start showing up for the costume party any minute." " Hey, nice snoopy costume Brian." " Thanks." "Well I guess it's not true what they say," "You can punch snoopy in the stomach as hard as you can and he won't feel it." " That's Houdini." " No, Brian." "Now, get up and do the dance." "Oh no, I'm not gonna do the dance." "Do the dance!" "Hey quagmire," "Oh cool you're dressed like Napolean Dynamite." "Hey do you say anything funny?" "No, i just do quirky things for the sake of being quirky." "You strike me as someone i wouldn't enjoy but others might." " Who are you dressed as, Peter?" " I'm Laura Bush." "And I'm the guy she killed." "That's right, I forgot, Laura Bush killed a guy." "Yes, she did." "Laura Bush killed a guy." "Laura Bush killed a guy." "Well, come on in." "Oh, you know this is why you, Brian, remember?" "the last couple of weeks i kept saying:" "Can I have a couple minutes of your time to talk to you about something?" "This is what it was about." "This evening is ruined." "Look I... well what?" "This evening is ruined." "My all evening is ruined." " Why you saying it like that?" " Saying what?" "I'm just pointing out the party is ru-ined." "You know, I'm not gonna get sucked into this." "Okay, just so I'm sure, really?" "Are-are you just trying to piss me off, or is that really how you say that?" "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about this ru-ined evening." "That's not how you say ruined." "What, ru-ined?" "What do you call the remains of ancient greek structures." " Ruins?" " And how would you describe this evening?" "Oh, ru-ined, of course." "This evening is ru-ined." " Say ruined." " Ru-ined." " Ruined." " Ru-ined." " Ruined." " Ru-ined." " Dumbass." " Oh Brian, don't be cru-el." "That's a great costume Joe." " Are you FDR?" " No, I'm olympic swimmer Mark Spitz." " Oh, you mean like if he dove into the shallow end?" " No, regular Mark Spitz." "Wait, are you Stephen Hawking at the beach?" "No, I'm Mark Spitz!" "He won seven gold medals!" "Oh, I get it, you're crippled Magnum PI." "I'm..." "Fine, I'm crippled Magnum PI." "Brian, there's that girl from our yoga class I wanted you to meet." "Now, look Lois, I appreciate it, but I.." "I'm not into fix-ups." "Oh come on, you gotta get yourself back out there." "Jane, this is Brian." "Oh Brian, Lois has told me so much about you." "Wow, you're even more handsome than she said." "Hey, thanks." "So uh... that's a great costume." " What are you, one of Freddy Krueger's victims?" " I'm a victim of the liberal agenda." "I'm a murdered fetus." "Did you know that Democrats murder thousands of babies every year?" "And sometimes babies are put back into the womb just so that they can be aborted again?" " Have you ever had any sex that was voluntary?" " No, I have not." "Yeah, have a good evening." "Come on, buddy, lets go." "Yep, with a capital C." "Oh, stop looking so depressed, Brian." "I'm sure one day you'll meet a girl who loves abortion as much as you do." "That's not the point, Stewie." "I'm just... tired of every girl I meet beeing crazy." "Ah, things'll work out for you." "Now, come on, let's forget our problems and get lost in the world of books." "Ooh! "Horton Hears Domestic Violence in the Next Apartment and Doesn't Call 911"" " You think it's easy working all day?" "!" " No." " You think I like it?" "!" "I don't think it's easy, but, yes, I do think you like it!" "No, I, yeah, I like being away from you, 'cause I can't stand looking at you!" "You..." "Hey, you think I wanna do that?" "!" "You think I wanna hurt you?" "!" " Not in front of the baby." " I don't wanna hurt you!" "You make me hurt you!" "I'm sure there's two sides to this." " Oops." " I'm sorry." " I-I don't think you want this book, It's all about atheism." " Oh, I know." " I'm an atheist." " Really?" " So am I." " It's all yours." "I feel bad, taking the last copy." "Well, there's..one way to settle this." "If there is a God, send another copy." "Oh, I guess that's our answer." "Tell you what, how about I take it and then send it after i read it." "Swear to god?" "Stop it!" "'Cause... missing will..." "Hey, listen... here's-here's my address." "Thanks." "See you later." "God, still no mail for me, huh?" "Geez, Brian, you've been going to the mail every day for a week, what are you looking for?" "I'm expecting a very important package." "Another one?" "You haven't even open the one that came for you a week ago." "You idiot!" "What didn't you tell me this was here?" "Because, i have been using it as a hat-weight." " A what?" " A hat-weight Brian." "My hat kept blowing away so i put the package on it so i wouldn't loose it." "That's the dumbest think I've ever heard, you don't wear a hat and there's no wind in here." "You, Sir, owe me one new hat." "You know huh..." "I was really glad you sent me the book." "I won't lie to you, I came this close to praying that I'd see you again." "Good thing you didn't, because..." "Who would hear it, right?" "Can I interest you folks in some of our heavenly cheesecake?" "No, but I'll have some of your "There is no after-life Soufflé"." "Now we got the waiter involved." "I love being a part of things." "I'll bring your dessert now." "You know Carolyn, I rarely find myself connected with another person like I have with you." "I'm really enjoying your compagny." "Me too, Brian." "The boat rides we would take" "The moonlight on the lake" "The way we danced and hummed our favorite song" "The things we did last summer" "I'll remember all winter long" "The Midway and the fun" "The Cupie dolls we won" "The bell I rang to prove that I was strong" "The things we did last summer" "I'll remember all winter long" "I had a really great time tonight, Brian." "Well, is there... any reason it has to end?" "Don't do it Brian." "What the hell?" "Ex-excuse me for a second." "Stewie, have you been hiding in the back all evening?" "Yes, I'm saving you from yourself Brian." "You almost went in there and tried to have sex with that girl." " So, what's wrong with that?" " That's why you can't maintain a relationship." "You always try too soon and end up blowing it." "Think about it." "God, you know maybe you're right." "I-I do, I-I always try and jump into the sex right away." "Maybe that's what screws things up." "You know..." "I'm gonna take it slow this time." " Listen, huh..." "I-I gotta go." " Really?" "Don't worry, you'll see me again." "Good job Brian, don't worry I'll help you through this." "So, you want to get something to eat?" "Can we go some place where the menus have pictures of the food?" "OH LET'S GO SOME PLACE WHERE THE MENUS HAVE PICTURES OF FOOD!" "Gosh..." "I really enjoyed the movie tonight." "Yeah..." "You knew it was gonna be a touching comedy because Robin Williams had a beard." "My back is so stiff from sitting in that theater chair." "I could probably use a backrub." " Do you mind?" " Nope, not at all." "You know I huh... took a Thaï massage class at the Learning Annex." "Boy, that's an awfully loud owl." "Don't do it Brian!" "Take it slow." "'Course I'll tell you what would really set you right is uh... couple of Aleves and a good night's sleep." " Alright, if you say so." " Well, I... guess I should say good night." "Good job Brian!" " Hi there." " Not interested." " Ok." "Ooh, tandem bike." "You gonna take a ride out in the country and let the AIDS blow through your hair?" "Get lost Stewie, I am getting laid tonight." " What happened to "taking it slow"?" " I have been taking it slow." "We've been going out for three weeks and I haven't tried anything." "Even though she's been giving me some pretty strong signals." "So, do you have any thoughts on what you might wanna do tonight?" "I don't know..." "I don't know Brian, you don't want to mess things up." "Well, we'll find out tonight, won't we?" "Alright, but just one last piece of advice:" "Remember, listen to her body, and respond the way you'd want her to respond to you." "Okay, thanks." "That's very helpful." "You'll be a wonderful lover, Brian." " What are you doing?" " Oh, sorry, you just had a little... something." "Oh my God!" "Carolyn?" "!" "Cleveland?" "!" "Oh hey Brian, close that window you're letting all the stink out." "I don't believe this." "Cleveland you're sleeping with my girlfriend." "Nobody told me Carolyn was your girlfriend." " I'm not his girlfriend." " Carolyn what are you talking about?" "We've been dating for three weeks." "Well, you never made a move on me so I thought you just wanted to be friends." "And I met Cleveland, and, things just kinda took off." "But..." "H-how did you even meet each other?" "We met at the Starbucks." "She started going on about her new brazilian wax and not wearing any underpants and whatnot." "I'd have to be a homosexual to ignore a signal like that." "But, Carolyn, you completely misunderstood me..." "I wanted you like crazy, but..." " I just figured if I showed a little restraint you'd respect me." " I do." "As do I." "Now why don't you go hop on that gay bike of yours and go get yourself a lollipop or a cupcake or something." "We're good, Brian, we're good." "So, Carolyn..." " Guess she should have hit that when you had the chance Brian." " What?" "you are the one who told me to wait !" "Oh, you're crazy bitch, I didn't say that, bitch." " Yeah, well thanks to you, I lost her to Cleveland." " You know what you need?" "You need to stop pointing fingers, and get out of the house, have some fun!" "Real fun, not like thirty-seven year-old woman on a Blind Date fun." "This is fun, right." "We're having fun." "I mean, so what if you forgot your wallet, I'll pay." "I'm gonna pay for us." "You'll get it next time, yeah." "So you're impressive right?" "killed a man." " I'm sure it was on self-defence." " No." "I just felt like killing." "You tell the best stories." "Me and my three eggs are having the best time." "We're gonna get you back on your feet Brian." "I know what always make me feel better." "Delicious sweets." "Halloo!" "Welcome to Fjurg's Backery." "Would you like a hot piss of pee?" " It's on the hoose!" " What?" "Oh noo!" "You're covered in my hot pee!" "You can wash yourself off in the WC." " Oh, you know, I can just wash if off when I get home." " Why, what's in here?" "Wait... wait... wait..." "Oooh, and boom goes the dynamite." "Ok look, next time we'll go to another store, how about that?" "Just... forget her alright?" "I just want to sit here watch the ball game and have a few beers." "It's ball three, low and outside to Ramirez." "Wait a minute, what's this?" "There appears to be a interracial couple making love on second base." "The crowd's enjoying it and it looks like the Empire's gonna let them finish." "Ooh, and boom goes the dynamite." " There it is." " I'll tell you what this would be painful to watch if you love that girl." "Boy what are the odds of running into Cleveland and Carolyn everywhere we went, huh?" "Well, as long as we just stay here in the house we're safe, right?" " Oh that was a great game." " Carolyn it's been so nice getting to know you." "Yeah Cleveland, she's way more fun than that wife you used to have." "Wha-what was her name?" "Lizzy or Florida or something." " Jennifer Hudson." " Loretta." "You know it's amazing Cleveland, you went from a black woman to a white woman without having to take a hispanic woman step in between." " Loretta!" "That's our answer." " What do you mean?" "We've just got to go talk to Loretta." "If we can get her back with Cleveland, Carolyn's all yours." "That's a long shot." "But so was the shouting Arab Gram business." "From John and Keith." "You know what, this is never gonna work, Stewie." "Loretta cheated on" "Cleveland." "She's not gonna want to go back to him." "Oh, she can be convinced, Brian." "Just let me do the talking." "No, I think I can communicate with her better." "She's only gonna get the gist of what you're saying." "Really?" "Isn't she one of those people outside the family who can understand me?" "No, I think because of Cleveland, she's close enough to the main cast" " that it might be a little weird." " Really?" " We're filming." " Ok, ok, alright, sorry, sorry." "Ring the doorbell." " Hi Loretta." " Brian, Stewie." " What are you doing here?" " Huh... well, to be honest Loretta..." " Cleveland sent us, he... really want you back." " What?" "Yes, he says he misses that perfect figure." "Well, I get the gist of what you're saying, Stewie." "But I can never go back to Cleveland." "Not after all the pain I cause him." "I'm sorry." " Hey Brian, d'you see that treadmill in the living room?" " Yeah." " Brian, may I speak with you?" " Oh, Cleveland." "I didn't reconize you without my girlfriend wrapped around your waist." "She and I are both to a point of great soreness." "So we took a break." "Listen, I just wanna clear any bad feelings you may have about me and Carolyn." "I guess it's okay." "These are passing flings, nothing to get upset about." "Good." "Because we're gonna elope in Hawaii tomorrow night!" " What?" " You got a problem with that, you can go fuck yourself." " Loretta." " Hello, Cleveland." "What are you doing here?" "Cleveland, I've been doing some thinking lately about how much I miss you." "I'm sorry if I hurted you." "I want us to be together again as a family, and" "I promess I'll never betray you again." "I love you Cleveland." "I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure it's rainin' bitches." "I-I don't know what to do." "Carolyn and I are supposed to elope tomorrow." "But here comes Loretta all apologetic and wanting to get our family back together and whatnot." "I wouldn't forgive her so fast Cleveland." "Remember she slept with Quagmire." "Yeah, she really acted crazy." "Well, just-just wait a minute you guys, let's not be so quick to demonize Loretta, I mean..." "Whatever happened to "Forgive and Forget"?" "Oh, you just want Cleveland out of the picture, so you can get back with Carolyn." "You know Brian..." "Sometimes..." "I don't believe I know you." "That-that's not it at all." "I-I happen to think Loretta is very beautiful with her sassy wisdom and speedbag arm fat." "I guess at the very least i could go talk to her tomorrow and see how I feel." "Thanks for your help, Griffins." "Brian, do you really think Loretta is beautiful?" "Absolutely, that's really how I feel." "Now it is true her personality is abrasive." "Slightly abrasive." "But overall, Loretta is a delightful person, very pleasant to be around, and free to pursue a life of religious fulfillment" "I'm really concerned about Cleveland." "What Loretta did was inforgivable." " I hope he doesn't go back to her." " I hear you Lois." "You know there might be a way to drive the point home that she hasn't changed." " How would you do that?" " Hang on." "Hey, Quagmire!" " Quagmire?" " What?" " You busy right now?" " No, I've got a hand free, what's up?" "Would you mind getting Loretta to sleep with you again?" "Possibly, huh... in what context?" "Well we're trying to make Cleveland see that she's no good and that he can't trust her and if he catches you guys in the act" "Oh, Oh Ok, Ok I'm with you now..." "I can probably work that in." "Terrific." "Thank you." "This is perfect Lois." "We'll expose Loretta for who she is." "Just like Cyrano was exposed for being an antisemitic." "I love you for all that you are." "In spite of the fact that your people control a disproportion in amount of the world's wealth." "And in all likelihood are probably responsible for starting every major war since the dawn of t..." "Dude, again with this?" "What's your problem?" "!" " Who is in the bush?" " Mind your own business you stupid jew." " Room service." " I didn't order no room service." "It's complementary." "We have a club sandwich, a fruit plate and a sight of HOT BEEF STEAK!" " Glenn Quagmire." "You get outta here." " Come on Baby, time for round two." "You're the devil!" "You ruined my marriage!" "Oh, you can't resist the Q man and my superpower Genitalia." "Apache penis Ee-nay-chuck!" "You go on and beat a little neck." "I'm a changed woman." "I don't mess with your kind anymore." "You're a meanie!" "Hey Quagmire." " Hey Cleveland." " Why are you staying in a hotel?" "My... house burned down." " Why are you naked?" " Naked?" "But everybody's been telling me i'm wearing magnificent robes made from the finest silk." " Cleveland." " Hello Lorreta." "Oh come here baby." "Have you thought about what I said?" "Yes I have." "And I still love you Loretta." " Oh, Cleveland." " But..." "I can't take you back." " Why not?" " Loretta..." "I came over here wanting to believe that there was still a chance for us." "But, on the way, i passed a lake, skipped a few rocks and had some black-guy thinking time." "Loretta, we lived certain parts of our lives in the past for a reason." "What you and I, you can go ahead and put you clothes back on." "What you and I have was a wonderful thing." "and as much as I still have a great deal of love for you, our time is over." " I love somebody else." " Oh, Cleveland..." " Isn't there anything I can do to make you happy." " Yes, there is." "You can live your life, Loretta." "Live it as full and as wonderful as you can." "I love you." "Oh my God, Carolyn?" "!" "Quagmire?" "!" "Cleveland, close the window, you're letting the stink out." " Well, we both got screwed by the same girl." " Yep." "I guess it's alright though." " You and I will found true love someday." " Yeah, I suppose." " So, how was it having sex with Carolyn?" " I think I'm gonna remember it forever." " Oh yeah, how so ?" " Brian, do you think you could identify a genital wart?" "I..." "I-I-I..." "I-I would think that would be something you'd check with your doctor about." " Okay." " Okay?" " Yeah." " Alright, 'cause I'm, I'm-I'm not a doctor, I can't..." " No, I understand." " Okay, so, we're-we're still friends?" " Yeah, yeah." "Okay." "Well, summer's coming on." "It hurts."