"Susie:" "Look at all this stolen art, Chris." "It must be worth millions." "Chris:" "Oh, Susie, please." "Don't be so naive." "Everybody knows that artwork is like female bodybuilders..." "Splendidly beautiful on the outside, but full of drugs on the inside." "Watch this." "[ Canvas ripping ]" "I should have learned my lesson with Sherice." "She was a female bodybuilder I dated/slashed." "Well, it's marshal Chris Monsanto and his lackey friends." "Chris:" "Lackey co-workers, if you please, Doolan." "We seldom socialize outside of work." "I usually collect masterpieces, Monsanto." "But tonight, I'm gonna paint one..." "With your blood!" "[ Gunshots ]" " Brett:" "Chris, I'm out of bullets!" " Chris:" "Yeah, so am I." "Well, I guess this is it." "Wait, I have an idea." "Here." "Lie flat, Brett." "Lie flat." "Shh, shh, shh, shh!" "Hey, fellas..." "Batter up!" "[ Thumping ]" " [ Birds chirping ]" " Chief:" "Inspired work, Monsanto." "You took down most of Doolan's gang." "Chris:" "Well, thank you, chief, but you know something?" "I couldn't have done it without my two partners..." "Swifty and Pete." "[ Laughter ]" "Brett:" "What about me, huh?" "[ Chuckles ]" "I did, uh, pretty good too, right?" "I was the bat." "Chief:" "You're right, Brett." "You were indispensable out there..." "And you too, Gun." "[ Laughter ]" "And let's not forget about you, Pencil." "Great job filling out that report." "[ Laughter ]" "You see, Brett, congratulating you would be a waste of breath, breath we could be using to laugh at you." "[ Laughter ]" "Chris:" "Cheer up, pal." "You know, if you hadn't been around to be my human bat," "I would have had to use somebody else... anybody else, actually." "Brett:" "I'm not just a prop." "What about the time I saved those kids?" "[ Screaming and crying ]" "[ Crunching ]" "Oh [bleep]!" "Brett:" "So it wasn't my idea to crush my skull?" "[ Sighs ]" "I guess we're the same... you and me." "People use us, wave us around, and toss us aside, and there's always another lined up." "Don't listen to those jerks, Brett." "If I were you, I'd quit." "Brett:" "Quit?" "But what would I do?" "I've always been with the marshals' office." "Chris is my friend, right?" "I wouldn't know where else to go." "Why don't you join Doolan's gang?" "That would show 'em." "Ye-a-a-ah." "Welcome aboard, gentlemen." "I hope you like committing crime, my friends." "[ Door opens ] Looky what I found..." "Monsanto's human bat." "Brett:" "Hey, fellas." "Tie him up and toss him in the incinerator." "I hope you like being hot, my friend." "Brett:" "I do, but, uh, I'm not a marshal anymore." "I quit the force, and I'm here to join your gang." "So, do I got to fill something out or..." "I brought three forms of I.D." "If you're not with the marshal, then prove it." "Try this." "[ Crunching ]" "[ Laughing ]" "Welcome aboard." "[ Laughter ]" "Brett:" "It is funny." "[ Laughter continues ]" "[ Birds chirping ]" "Chris:" "Hey, has anyone seen Brett's mouth?" "I need his teeth." "When I got this, I thought it was a twist-off." "Susie:" "He quit last night." "Chief:" "Chris, Susie, I want you to meet Brett's replacement, Brady Giles." "Chris:" "Ah, how you doin', handsome?" "The [bleep] am I supposed to do with that?" "Relax." "I'm just clawing with ya." "I like to give people the business... the lobster business... on account of my [bleep] Claws." "Here, let me help you with that." "[ Clatters ]" "Chris:" "Wow!" "[ Chuckles ]" "Geez, we get Brett's replacement, and as a bonus, he's a freak, too." "Chief:" "Brady, I want you to meet your other partner, Susie." "Ooh, yeah, would I like to pinch those fun bags..." "Snap, snap, snap." "Susie:" "If you touch me, I will snap, snap, snap your head off." "Mm, yum, yum." "Daddy likey." "Snap, snap." "[ Laughter ]" "Everybody keep still and quiet..." "that way, nobody gets hurt." "I'm going to the vault, where they keep the money." "Mr. Horse, make sure no one trips the alarm." "Brett:" "Uh, FYI, guys, we're all gonna be using code names based on animals." "So don't shout an animal, or we might get confused, like if you say "dog," I might think you're talking about Mr. Dog, my good friend right over here, Carlos Ruiz." "What are you doing, man?" "Brett:" "Oh, nothing, Mr. Dog... uh, sorry..." "Carlos Ruiz." " [ Siren walls ]" " It's the police." "Let's get away!" "[ Door rattles ]" "Why is this door locked?" "Brett:" "Oh, I locked it to keep the cops out." "You bloody fool!" "Check the other exit!" "[ Thuds ]" "Chris:" "I'm jammed." "Okay, I got an idea." "Um, lie down." "Come on." "Hey, lie down." "No!" "Hands off me, Queerbones!" " Chris:" "That's it." "That's it." " I don't crawl that way!" "Chris:" "Come on, you're my new bat!" " Lay off me, sissy!" " Chris:" "Stay still!" "Leave me alone!" "Chris:" "Great." "Nice job, crab boy." "Doolan just got away." "[Bleep] you, Edward Fingerhands." "Chris:" "God, you suck." "Brett:" "Hey, guys, just off the top of my old spaghetti, next time we rob a bank, we should take the money with us before we leave." " Can I waste him?" " Not yet." "[ Crunching ]" "We can still use him for something." "Brett, I want you to tell me... everything you know about the marshals' office." "What kind of firepower do they have?" "What are their intelligence capabilities?" "Brett:" "Hmm, let me see." "The marshals' office." "Uh, oh." "The toilet clogs if you flush too many magazines." "I see." "My God, I see." "You really are good for nothing." "Well..." "Almost nothing." "[ Crunching ]" "Chief:" "You really let us down, Monsanto." "Doolan got away." "It was an utter failure." "Chris:" "You know, chief, I think you'd be singing a different tune if old "Claws Kinski" over here had let me use him as a human bat." "Chief:" "Over the line, Chris." "The man is deformed." "That's all right." "He's just a little steamed because I'm the first guy who wouldn't lie down and get stiff for him." "[ Laughter ]" "Susie:" "An alarm just went off at First National Bank." "It's time we finish this." "It's a holdup!" "Get down!" "Hands on your heads!" "Get down on the ground, you!" "Get down!" "Hands on your heads!" "Sit down, all of you!" "Here." "[ Door opens ]" "Susie:" "Freeze!" "No!" "Brett:" "Hey, how's it going in there?" "Chris:" "Brett?" "What are you doing here, Brett?" "Brett:" "Oh, hi, Chris." "I joined Doolan's gang." "I'm his bat now." "Hey, kid, I know this is a really weird time to say this, but, uh, I think you're a good cop." "Susie:" "Thanks." "Chris:" "Brett, come on, now." "You... you don't have to do this, Brett." "Brett:" "But it's all I'm good for." "Chris:" "Don't you see?" "You're... you're a mindless sack of doorknobs whose only talent is... is taking commands from somebody else, but, Brett, that's a wonderful attribute to have, pal." " Brett:" "Really?" " Chris:" "Now go limp, Brett." "Come on." "Go limp for me." "The way you look, uh... makes me want to... want to..." "want to do this." "Susie:" "What is wrong with you?" "Come on!" "You've been flirting me up ever since I started this gig!" "Susie:" "Ugh!" "Get away from me, you creep!" "Come on!" "Chris:" "Go limp." "Go limp." "Brett:" "You're right, Chris." "I'm gonna do it for you, buddy!" "I'm going limp!" "Oi, what you doing?" "Straighten up!" "Stop it!" "Brett: [ Grunts ]" "[ Gun cocks ]" "[ Whistles ]" "Looks like you could use a little help." "Brett:" "Pencil!" "All:" "Looks like you could use a little more help!" "Brett:" "Pen-n-n-c-i-i-i-il!" "Thanks, Pencil!" ""You're welcome, Brett."" "Chris:" "Okay." "[ Chuckling ] That's enough, Brett." "That's fine." "[ Gun cocks ]" "Susie:" "Chris, behind you!" "[ Thuds ]" "I was a good guy." "[ Exhales sharply ]" "Oh [bleep]!"