"A. Chekhov FAMILY HAPPINESS" "...it was horrendous, wet weather inclining one towards wistfulness and bad temper..." "Nothing Better to Do (A suburban affair)" "Pass the sauce, please." "Thank you. madam." "The weather looks bad." "Yes." "Would you not eat with your fingers, Mitya." "You really have no table manners." "How many times..." "You should be ashamed." "I'll give you a thrashing." "Now, I suppose, I'll take a walk." ""The fateful days has finally arrived..." "What will the result be?" Honore de Balzac" "I love you." "?" "I love you." "I love you." "All this is so nice that I am ready to give a hundred rubles to see it one more time." "Nothing happened." "Your eyes deceived you." "It's silly." "But who was kissing?" "Kissing?" "Oh, yes." "We kissed." "But nothing more." "I don't understand, where do you get this from?" "Oh, you shameless person." "All these kisses..." "and these sighs..." "All this is nice and wonderful." "It's just that you'd better not confuse the boy." "The boy is nice." "The boy is..." "Good." "He has a bright head and he deserves better." " We should have mercy on him." " I don't understand anything, Nikolai." "The boys has fallen head over heels in love with me." "I was just being nice to him and allowed him to kiss me." "Being nice to him..." "Please, don't say anything to him." "Don't scold him." "He's not guilty of anything." "I won't be scolding." "Only just... for the sake of a joke." "Whose is this face?" "Where?" "That is my uncle." "Uncle..." "You, surely, understand, mister, what I want to talk to you about." "After what I saw... our good relationship... cannot continue." "This cottage belongs to wife." "So you will remain here, but I..." "I will go away." "I haven't come to reproach you, no." "You can't return what's irrevocably lost using reproachfulness and tears," "I have come... to ask you, about your intentions." "Of course, it's not my business..." "But you will agree, in wanting to know... about the fate, of one's beloved woman..." "There's nothing... that you'd consider... shall we call it..." "an interference." "Do you intend to live with my wife?" "That is... how?" "I..." "I don't know." "All this is somewhat strange." "I see that you're evading a straight answer." "Then I tell you straight:" "Either you take the woman you have infatuated and provide her with a means of living, or... we go dueling." "Love, my dear, imposes certain responsibilities." "And you, being an honest man, have to understand that." "I'm leaving in a week and Anna with family goes under your care." "I will provide a certain sum for the kids." "If you like Anna Semyonovna..." "I" "I, being an honest man... take on myself... but I am poor!" "Although..." "You are a noble man." "I congratulate you." " But who is this?" " Where?" "Oh, this..." "Mummy." "Mummy." "Very nice." "What have you done to me?" "You have destroyed my life." "Taken away the woman that I..." "loved more than life." "No, I can't stand this blow." "You yourself are to blame, Nikolai Andreyevich." "?" "Remember, you married her only because of her money." "Her whole life you didn't understand her Tyranny." "You were... careless towards her delicate and pure love." "Her heart..." "She told you this?" "Yes, she did." "I know all about her life." "Believe me, I fell in love, not with a woman but more with a sufferer." "But you, are a noble man." "Thank you." "Farewell." "And be happy." "Yes..." "Enough!" "Who's there?" " It's me." " You?" "Why are you standing there?" "Nikolai Andreyevich," "I accept all of your terms, but I do agree, all of this is so strange." "What if you're suddenly unhappy for no particular reason..." "You suffer and say that all your life..." " is broken." " Yes, I do say so." "So what?" "If you are offended..." "Although, I don't approve of..." "Duels" "I... can give you satisfaction, if this duel will make you feel any easier." "I am prepared to go through a hundred duels..." "I was just kidding." "All that's just a joke." "A small woman isn't worth spending good words and worrying about." "Young man, let's take a walk." "I don't understand you." "There's nothing to understand." "A nasty woman, nothing more." "You have no taste, dear." "Why are you silent?" "I'm telling you frankly I don't give a damn." "The game is not worth the candles." "She just lied to you, and her being a sufferer is not even worth a penny." "A Balzac woman and a psychopath." "Foolish and lying a lot." "Word of honour, I'm not kidding." "But she's... your wife..." "Once I was like you... and married her." "Now I'd be glad to divorce, but..." "Don't give a damn, dear." "There is no love, just pranks." "Boredom." "If you want to have fun, you'd better choose Nastya." "Where are you going?" "To your room, master." "That's what I enjoy." "But all these women, psychopaths, sufferers..." "See, Nastya is a simpleton, she has no ambition." "You see, dear, I have an income of twenty five thousand, but sometimes I think of shooting myself... because of a shortage..." "There is a great deal in nature that is mysterious and terrible..." "Yes..." "There is a great deal in nature... that is mysterious and terrible..." "No, dead men are not scary, rather... this uncertainty." "Moreover, this spiritualist seance..." "Well, there was no spiritualist seance." "The whole evening was a terrifying conversation." "Suddenly this nice lady began to talk about mind reading." "Imperceptibly, the talk trailed off to spirits, from spirits to ghosts, from spirits to those buried alive..." "And this student read a story about a dead man turning around in his grave." "By the end of the evening, I summoned the spirit of my late uncle Klavdy Mirovich and I mentally asked him whether... it was time to transfer ownership of my house to my wife." "To which uncle answered:" "All things are good in their season." "NERVES (A scary story)" ""Gone to the city." "Back in the morning." "Kisses." "Anya."" "Damn!" "Hell knows what it is." "I'm scared like I was a kid." "Silly." "What's that?" "Someone breathing?" "What if Uncle's ghost should appear in this gloom?" "No." "That's impossible." "Eleven... twelve." "Thirteen?" "What hellish nonsense!" "Dmitri Osipovich?" " What do you want?" " Oh, it's you." "Why are you worrying?" " Gavrila could have..." " You yourself let him go." "He went to city with your wife." "There's nobody in the house." "What do you want, then?" "Come in!" "Don't be shy, it's dark in here." "It's not prudent for a girl to be in a man's room." "Light a candle for me, for God's sake!" "I understand." "Rozalia Karlovna!" "Your wife..." "is an honest, good person." "You should love her." "She is noble." "No." "Lord!" "What is this?" "Rozalia Karlovna..." "What a thing to have nerves!" "I'm supposed to be educated, intelligent." "Hell knows what!" "It's even shameful." "What the wife said... and what excuses the governess made... and the stupidness of the husband's physiognomy when he awoke we propose... to leave to your imagination." "We collect our weapons." ""Family life has its nuisances..."" "AN AVENGER (A comedy)" "I am a happy man, after all." "Other husbands hurry to balls, restaurants, mistresses, but I always hurry home." "I need nothing else... because I have a beloved wife... who loves me and waits for me." "Now, I will return after a long separation and she..." "Honey, it's me, your husband." "Where is she?" "Oh, my Kitty is there." "Listening to music." "I recommend you to have this one." "A wonderful revolver," "A Smith  Wesson." "We sell about ten a day for criminals, wolves and lovers." "Smith  Wesson?" " What's the price?" " Forty five rubles, Sir." "If it's too expensive, I can offer you a cheaper revolver, for example Lefaucheux." "It costs only eighteen rubles, but, Sir, is rather old fashioned." "To shoot a wife or her lover with a Lefaucheux is considered bad form nowadays." "I don't mean to shoot anybody." "I'm just buying it for my cottage." "To scare away burglars." "It's not my business why you're buying it." "If we asked for reasons every time..." "we'd have to close the shop." "Lefaucheux, sir, is not good for scaring off burglars." "It only makes a small noise." "For this purpose I can offer you an ordinary capsule revolver from Mortimer." " The so called duel." " Duel?" "Shouldn't I challenge him to duel?" "No, that's too much of an honor." "Such beasts should be killed like dogs." "And I will kill them both." "I see, Sir, Mortimer has caught your eye." "It is a really good revolver, especially for scaring off burglars." "Aren't you listening to me, sir?" "I am." "Anyway, there are better items for almost the same price." "I'll show them to you now." "So, what have I decided?" "I will kill... them... both!" "But isn't that too easy and swift?" "She must suffer longer." "No, I'd better let her live..." "And kill... him." "And myself." "Let her... suffer the pangs of conscience and the disdain of other people." "This will be worse than death to her." "Yes." "That's what I will do." "Let her suffer, lament, cry." "It can't be taken back." "It is too late." "Yes, that will be good vengeance." "Although... what good is it?" "Sure, she'll suffer but what's the use?" "I won't see any of it." "But revenge is sweet only when you see its fruits." "Perhaps, it is not worth killing myself?" "Oh, you don't like it?" "Well, that's what I'll do." "I won't kill myself," "Instead..." "I'll..." "Like this." "I'll always have time to kill myself." "Anyway, why should I kill myself?" "To shoot myself means to be a coward." "What's that?" "What's that?" "You're arresting me?" "Why?" "What are you doing?" "Let me go!" "I won't let you!" "Don't you dare!" "Though... alright." "Take me." "Put me on trial!" "And she'll be brought as a witness." "Imagine her perplexity and embarrassment when my attorney takes the stand." "Well, sir, have you chosen?" "Alright, I won't rush you." "Have a look at these English guns." "We've just had them in." "Yet, Sir, all these lose out to the Smith  Wesson." "Only this revolver is the best." "Guarantees, recommendations, references." " References?" " What?" "Haven't you read, sir?" "One officer bought from us a Smith  Wesson." "He... fired at the lover." "The bullet went right through him... then it broke a bronze lamp... hit the piano, ricocheted onto the lap-dog, and concussed the wife." "Marvelous effect." "It is an honour for our firm." "And the officer?" " The officer is under arrest." " Of course." "So..." "Will he be punished?" "There hasn't been a trial yet, but he will surely be punished." "Why?" "What can you do, sir?" "First of all, we have an outdated legislatory system." "And secondly..." " The court always takes the lover's side." " Why?" "Why?" "It's very simple." "Because the judge, jury and prosecutor... they all love other men's wives and feel easier with one husband less." "Who is to blame, sir?" "The government." "Our business gets worse every year." "There aren't are fewer lovers." "Simply that husbands resign themselves to their situation, they're afraid of court" "And penal servitude." "Penal servitude..." "What if he's right?" "And I get punished?" "Not her, but me." "It's so very simple." "Didn't you like it, sir?" "Wait, Sir." "You haven't seen this one yet." "Pay attention to the ingenious mechanism of the lock." "No need." "Take it away." " I don't want." " But, sir..." " What do you want?" " Nothing." "Anyway, please..." "bring me, a glass of water." "As you wish." "To go to Sakhalin because of some swine..." "No, I won't kill him." "But what?" "What shall I do?" "Evil can't be left without punishment." "I must have vengeance." "But how?" "But how?" "How... shall I have vengeance here?" "There are courts, gendarmes, laws." "The offended man can do nothing." "Although, how come "nothing"?" "Why should the law be broken?" "It's possible to have vengeance according to law." "How?" "Very simple." "Like this!" "Here you go, sir." "Thanks." "Well, sir..." "Won't you buy anything from us?" "I'll buy." "Well, for example..." "What... is... that?" " This is net for catching small fish." " What does it cost?" "A ruble and eighty." "Should I wrap it?" ""I can not be not married..."" "Firstly, I am already thirty five." "A critical age, so to say." "Secondly, I need a quiet and regular life." "I have palpitations." "I'm excitable and am always getting upset" "Even my lips are trembling." "But I can't." "The main thing is to brace myself." "Brace myself." "THE PROPOSAL" "THE PROPOSAL (A joke)" "Heavens!" "Who do I see?" "Ivan Vasilyevich, my pleasure." "What a surprise!" "How are you?" "And how are you getting on?" "We are living little by little..." "To your prayers and the like." "Have a seat." "Thank you." "Dear fellow, why are you so dressed up?" "Going somewhere?" "No." "I'm just visiting you..." " Honoured Stepan Stepanich." " To what do I owe this pleasure?" "You see..." "I came to you... to ask you... one thing..." "I have had the honour of asking for your help... several times." "He's come to ask for money." "Shan't give!" "Pardon me, I am very excited." "So, what is your business, dear fellow?" "The thing is, Stepan Stepanich..." "I am terribly excited, as you see." "In short, only you can help me." "Although, I don't deserve it and have no right to rely on your help..." "Come on darling, cut to the chase." "One moment..." "I came..." "To ask for your daughter's hand." "By Jove!" "Ivan Vasilyevich," "I didn't quite hear." "I came to ask for the hand..." "My dear!" "I am so glad..." "I have always loved you, angel, like my own son." "I'm really, off balance, with joy." "With all my soul." "And all that." "I'll call Natasha, right away." "Stepan Stepanich..." "Do you think I can count on her consent?" "You're handsome and think she won't consent?" "She's in love with you like a kitten." "And all that." "Dad said:" "Go, there's a merchant come for his goods." "And it's you." "Merchant..." "It's wonderful weather." "It was raining yesterday." "Why you are all dressed up!" "Are you going to a ball?" "I must say you do look better." "Really, why such the dandy?" "The thing is I've decided to ask you to listen to me." "It's quite cold, isn't it?" "I will try to make it short." "Dear Natalya Stepanovna... you are aware since my childhood." "I've had the honour of knowing your family." "And my late aunt and her husband... they always honoured your dad and your late mommy." "Moreover, the Lomov and the Cherbukov families have always had friendly relationship." "And, if you remember, my Oxen Meadows and your birch woods have a common border." ""My Oxen Meadows"?" "Are they really yours?" "Mine." "Oxen Meadows is ourses, not yourses." "No, they're mine." "That's news for me." "Since when do they belong to you?" "What do you mean?" "I'm talking about the meadows between your birch grove and the swamp." "Yes, they are ours." " Natalya Stepanovna, you're mistaken." " Ivan Vasilyevich, come to your wits." "How long have they been yours?" "How long?" "As long as I can remember." "Well, that's... excuse me." "Natalya Stepanovna, you can tell that from the papers." "Allow me..." "My aunt's granny gave the meadows for limited but toll-free use to peasants of your dad's grandfather." "because they made bricks for her." "But your father's peasants..." "My grandfather and great-grandfather always considered our land to go up, up, up to the swamp." "Thus, Oxen Meadows belongs to us." "What a surprise!" "We rule the land for three hundred years and suddenly he announces it's not ours!" "I don't care about these Oxen Meadows." "They're worth three hundred rubles." "It's the injustice that bothers me." "You say anything you like..." "I simply can't stand... injustice." "Natalya Stepanovna, I beg you to hear me out." "The thing is..." "Peasants of your dad's grandfather, as I've had the honour of telling you, made bricks for my aunt's grandmother." "Aunt's grandmother..." "she simply..." "Grandfather... aunt..." " The meadows are ours and that's final!" " Mine!" "Mine!" "Mine!" "Ours!" "Ours!" "That's that!" "Natalya Stepanovna, wait, where are you going?" "Wait, for Christ's sake!" "Natalya Stepanovna, I don't need the meadows." "It's the principle." "If you want I'll give them to you." "Interesting... you give me..." "Pardon me, it is easy to do if you want." "" "Do you consider me to be a usurper?" " Tomorrow my mowers will be there." " I'll show them!" " You wouldn't dare." "The meadows are mine!" "Please don't yell." "You can do that in your home." "But here..." "I ask..." "that you... contain yourself." "Natalya Stepanovna, wait, wait, for God's sake!" "Dad!" " Wait!" " Dad!" "Daddy, explain to this gentleman..." "To whom do Oxen Meadows belongs?" "To us... or him?" "Dear man, Oxen Meadows belong to us." "Stepan Stepanich..." "how come they're yours?" "My aunt's grandmother gave them to your grandfather's peasants for limited use." "Dear man, you seem to forget." "The peasants didn't pay your grandmother because the meadows were in dispute." " I'll prove to you they're mine." " You won't." " I say I will." " Why are you yelling!" "You won't prove a thing by shouting." "If you want to quarrel over meadows I'd rather give it to" "Them... than you!" "I don't understand." "What right do you have..." "to ladle out other people's property?" "Well, let me know whether" "I have the right or not, dear sir." "I'm not used to people talking to me in such manner and all that." "Dear sir, I am twice as old as you are, and I ask you to talk to me without agitating yourself and all that." "Every dog knows Oxen Meadows belongs to us." "You consider me to be a fool?" "You call my land yours, and you want me to talk to you like to a man..." "You are no neighbour, Stepan Stepanich." "You are a usurper." " What?" "What did you say?" " I said usurper." " I'll show you in court that Oxen Meadows is mine." " Court?" "You can go to court, dear sir." "Pettifogger!" "All your family was like that!" "I ask not to offend my family." "Never mind about my people." "All our family have been honest." "And no one was brought to trial like your daddy was." "Your uncle was a drunkard and your auntie ran off with an architect and all that." " Your mother was a hunch-back." " Your daddy was a guzzling gambler!" "To hell!" "You see what a scoundrel he is?" "How can one..." "trust one's neighbours after this!" " Villain!" " Damn bourgeois!" " Scarecrow in a pea-field!" "And this blind chicken dares to make a proposal!" "What proposal?" "Yea, he came to make you a proposal..." "Me?" "That's why he was all dressed up." "Rotten egg!" "Stuffed sausage!" "What proposal?" "Me?" "I feel somewhat... sick." "I feel bad." "Get him back!" " Get him back!" " Who?" " Hurry up!" " Him?" "What for?" "Forgive us, Ivan Vasilyevich, we were wrong." "Now I recall those meadows are really yours." "My meadows?" "My heart is beating awfully..." "My eyebrows are both twitching." "I don't need the meadows." " It is principle that counts." " Yes the principal." "I have proof. my aunt's grandmother gave meadows to peasants of your dad's grandfather because they made bricks for her." "But the peasants of your daddy...." "Let it be!" "Leave it." "Are you going shooting?" "Black grouse, Natalya Stepanovna." "After the harvest is over." "Oh, you haven't heard what mishap I've had!" " Mishap?" " A hound of mine, which you happen to know," " has gone lame." " What a pity." "How come?" "I don't know." "It's either dislocated it's leg, or the other hounds bit it." "My best hound." "Now, I'm not talking about money...." "I gave..." "Mironov 125 rubles for it." " You overpaid, Ivan Vasilyevich!" " I think it was cheap." "Such a good dog." "Daddy paid..." "What was it?" "eighty five rubles for ours." "And it's much better than your dog." " Yours is better than mine?" " Sure." "Of course." "It's still young and inexperienced but..." "You're mistaken, Natalya Stepanovna." "You seem to forget..." "he is overshot" "The first time I hear it!" " His lower jaw is shorter than his upper." " You measured it?" "I did." "Today, Ivan Vasilyevich, there's some demon of contradiction in you." "You pretend Oxen Meadows belongs to you." "Then, that your dog is better than ours." "I see, Natalya Stepanovna, you consider me to be blind." "Or a complete imbecile." " What now?" " Daddy..." "Tell me honestly, which dog is better... ours or his?" "Stepan Stepanich, be reasonable." "Your dog is worse." "Don't worry, dear." "There's no better dog." " But my dog is better!" " Your dog has its qualities:" "pure bred, stable legs and all that..." "But this dog, dear man, has two great faults:" "He's old and short in the muzzle." " Sorry, my heart is racing." " Heart racing..." "You're no hunter." "You should lie down... and squash bugs." "You're no hunter." "With your heart you should stay home, not tracking animals." "You could hunt..." "but you quarrel with people, interfere with their dogs, and so on." "And... you are a hunter?" "You do it only to intrigue with the Count." "Intriguer!" "Boy!" "Puppy!" "Intriguer!" "Old rat!" "Jesuit!" "I die..." "Dad, he's... dead." "Really dead." "You know, he died!" "And all that." "Ivan Vasilyevich..." " What have you done?" " Oh, miserable me!" "Why don't I put a bullet in my forehead?" "Why haven't I cut my throat yet?" "What am I waiting for?" "Give me a knife!" "Give me a pistol!" "Stars... mist..." "Ivan Vasilyevich!" "She agrees." "You understand." "Agrees." "And all that." "I give you my blessings and all that." "What?" "She agrees." "Kiss each other." "He's alive!" "Yes!" "I agree." "Kiss her!" "What's the matter?" "Oh, I understand." "Stars.... mist..." "I am..." "I am happy!" " My leg..." " I am so happy!" "I am also happy!" "Champagne!"