"Welcome." "And thank you for choosing to view" "We here at Forefront Films and Sneak Preview Entertainment understand that some of you may have never seen homosexuals engaged in any sort of positive physical contact" "So we would like to take a moment, before we start, to acclimate you." "This is a lipstick- lesbian, so called because of her feminine beauty, her rose- colored lip cosmetics, and her homosexual predilection." "And this is another lipstick lesbian." "You see?" "Nothing to be frightened of." "In fact, many heterosexual men consider such images beautíful and/or sexually arousing." "Now, lets move onto men." "This is a gay man, or what some in the community might designate as a "gym queen,"" "so called because of his time spent at the local gymnasium perfecting his musculature." "And here is another homosexual man." "You see, just like two buddies after a ball game." "Again, nothing to be afraid of." "Thus ends our introduction." "We hope this has been informative as well enlightening." "Enjoy the show." "Okay, so I"m going down on this guy." "I like him and its a million years since I"ve been with anyone and, maybe its only a month since lve had sex, but it seems like a million years." "Anyway, it"s been years since lve been with someone I liked." "Not that I know him that well, but he reminds me of an ex." "Anyway, he"s got a great body and there"s a real physical attraction, so at least that"s a start." "To be honest, I feel like I could really love this guy." "Okay, so I can"t remember his name right now, butat the time I felt like I really, really loved him." "Or could love him." "It was intense, thats the point." "So I had been down on him for like all of one second, and all of a sudden he cums..." "Okay, okay, so I"m thinking, what should I do?" "Should I spit it out on his stomach?" "In my hand?" "On a nearby towel?" "Should I swallow?" "What would Miss Manners do in this situation?" "And suddenly I remember what my friend Tara once told me." "So I was brought up to be a good, obedient Catholic girl, who always did what was expected." "Who knew you could spit?" "." "Until my friends told me I was nuts." "They ask me if I"m a spitter or a swallower, like there"s a friggin"choice." "And then they tell me that they spit it out all the time, and guys don"t even notice." "So, never do anythin" you don"t want to, even if it seems rude at the time." "Because all men, basically, are dogs." "Some are poodles, some Dobermans, but youre all dogs." "So that got me to thinkin, what do straight guys do?" "I asked Taras man if straight guys swallow when they go down on women, and if the women notice one way or the other." "But he was just vague." "I don't know." "Usually, they"re just so stoked that it"s happening, they don't really want to ask any questions." "So then I decided ask my friend Megan about lesbians but she was no help." "No, Vincey, we don't swallow." "We spit it out into Mason jars and then examine it at our weekly Womyns Encounter Sessions." "Okay, so some people don"t like talking about this stuff." "But I think it"s important," ""cause to tell you the truth, I don't mind swallowing." "It makes me feel closer to the guy." "It"sjust all this HIVstuff." "And I did want to prove my love to what"s his name here." "And then I started thinking about this guy Ned and decided it was all his fault." "One night I spent eight hours, count "em, 8 hours!" "Tryin" to make this guy cum." "After the first hour, it is no longer any fun." "After the second hour, it becomes a thing of pride." "After that, it"s like being stuck at an Andrew Lloyd Webber show." "Youre praying"for it to be over." "All of a sudden I just said," "Fuck it." "L"mjust gonna swallow." "This"ll prove to Speedy here that I love him and then we"ll move in together, get a dog, pick china pattems, get Lakers season tickets and live happily ever after." "So I swallowed." "And at that moment I felt love." "I really did..." "For about twenty seconds, it felt really great." " And then this guy says, - "You really shouldn"t have." "Its really not considered safe."" ""Nothing"s a hundred percent safe you fucking idiot!"" "That"s what I wanted to scream." "Instead, I just smiled." "Thank you Dr. Jocelyn Elders for that safe sex tidbit" "And then he says to me he can"t stay, but he had a good time so he hopes I call." "Then he makes a big deal about giving me his pager number, and let"s get together again." "So then I rush into my bathroom and I gargle furíously with extra-strength disinfectant mouthwash." "I even swallow." "Why do I always swallow?" "." "And now lm gonna die." "Would you stop being such a drama queen about this?" "Why?" "I never get to be the drama queen." "Vincey, get this through your thick skull." "Javis the drama queen, lm the drama queen mother, and youre just a little princess." "Im gonna die and I never had any of my plays produced." " You did too!" " I mean in New York." ""Naked Busboys," last summer?" "Poughkeepsie doesn"t count." "Well, so you"re not dead yet." "Why don"t you stop whinin" and start writin." "Well, at least I know now that I am definitely over men." "This has finally made me see that I"mjust the type of person who doesn't mate for life:" "A lone wolf, a free bird, a Kennedy." "So lm giving up the illusion right now." "I am not going to waste any more of my time searching in vain for someone to share my life with." "Sleeping around is dangerous." "Being in a relationship is impossible." "Men are scum." "And I want nothing more to do with them." "Tara, guess what." "I just met the cutest guy." "So here"s what happened." " We started talking..." " Right." "One thing led to another..." " and were having dinner Friday." " Wait a minute." " Friday night?" " Gym-boys coming Friday night?" "What, are you nuts?" "Were going to Marix." " Marix?" " Yeah." "Javi suggested it." "No, Vincey!" "What about dinner with us?" " You said it was no big deal." " No no." "It"s no big deal if you come." "If you don"t come, it"s a huge deal." "Why?" "Well..." "Because..." "Robin and Sarina are gonna be there." "And you know how lesbians make Gus nervous." "Ever since he saw" ""Basic Instinct"... and that was years ago." "Okay, so, whats going on?" "Nothin"." "Oh, really?" "L"m not supposed to tell you." "But youre going to, right?" "Okay, but you have to swear not to tell anybody." " You"re a tough nut to crack." " Vincey, you have to swear." "Just swear, Vincey, or forget it." "I swear." "There, you happy?" "Okay..." "Javi just found out he"s HIV positive." "What?" "Yeah." "My God, I was just talkin" to him." " What are his T-cells?" " Don"t make a big deal about this." "Has he started the cocktail yet?" "He"s fine, okay?" "End of discussion." "Man." "Just let Javi tell you the way he wants to, okay?" "Just be there Friday night." "Because it"ll be depressing for him to be around his brother who"s in a good relationship with me, and Dwight and Diego, and Robin and Sarina and, you know even Megan and Jared..." "You have to be there to remind him there are other lonely, desperate gays still around." "Well, as long as you put it that way." "Vincey, you know what I"m talking about." "You have a lot going for you, but you"re not in a relationship." "Yeah, well, that"s all gonna change real soon." "Oh, really, Vincey." "Do tell." "What?" "I dont want to discourage you from gettin" involved, but let"s be realistic." "Youre a Christmas Eve type person, you can never enjoy the presents after theyre open." "As soon as you find theres a living, breathing person behind the image, you lose interest." "Its not my fault all the guys I date turn out to be psychopaths." " Well, its certainly not mine." " You know what it is?" "Lt"s this sick culture we"re living in." "Gay men are brought up to be liars." "Vincey, don"t start on one of your theories cause l"m not buyin it." "The point is that this guy, Buzz, seems at least not to be a bullshitter." "Vincey, baby, I"ve got a newsflash for you:" "All men are bullshitters, gay or straight." "All men?" "You got a dick, youre a liar." "It"s a simple rule." "Oh, wait, not that one." "No, it"s fucking ugly." "Get rid of it." "I like it." "Put it back." "Some poor, sick, homeless, gay man needs this a lot more than you." "Selfish." " What time"s dinner?" " Wait a minute!" "You told Javi you had a date, so you can"t come." " I said I"d be by for dessert." " All right, then, that"s what you gotta do." " Tara it doesnt..." " No, or hell know I told you." "Stop being such a fag-hag about this." "I want to be there." "You stop being a fag, III stop being a fag-hag." "Dessert." "Friday night." "My house." "Ten o"clock." "Period." "He knows it pisses me off when he calls me that" "Fag-hag." "I hate that." "But then again I had to cut Vincey some slack," ""cause he"d been trapped in dating" hell for a full year back then." "He was getting a little testy." "I don't know how two guys ever make it work." "It"s hard enough with one penis in a relationship, let alone two." "And then on top of that you got all these politicians and so-called religious ríghtists." "And you have those gay-bashers on the street" "He had a lot on his mind back then." "Then on top of that you have the HIV," "AIDS, all that shit." "So if sometimes Vincey, or any of my boys, aren't as much fun as they used to be, well, who can really blame "em?" "I see, all I have to do is have the right attitude." "Concentrate hard enough, and my virus will go away?" "Well, it never worked with my ex-boyfriends, so I doubt itll work for HIV." "Im not sayin that, lm saying right now, youre healthy." "But I feel the disease looming over me." "I dont know where," "I dont know when, but I know it"s gonna happen, like the shark in "Jaws"." "Youre gonna be a barrel of laughs tomorrow night." "Excuse me, if I"m putting a crinkle in your social calendar." "Look," "Javi, lm sorry." "I don"t pretend to know what youre going through." "I hate the fact I can"t do anythin" to make it better." "You know I love you." "Why couldnt you have been a gay man?" "Some people suspect I am." "You know, it"s not getting any easier to deal with, Tar." "Did I tell you?" "I finally got the dirt on what happened between Megan and Sarina." "Really?" "Do tell..." " Okay, but swear to tell nobody." " I swear." "Cross your heart and hope to... whoops." "Ljust knew something was off." "I could feel it in her embrace." "I wasnt saying anything, yet." "Because I am an African American," "Lesbian Woman" "I have strength." "I have resolve." "And ways of tricking two-timing bitches into telling me the truth." "Megan?" "I know you had an affair while you were gone, so don"t deny it." "I want you to tell me about it, and why it happened." "I promise I will not get mad." "I don"t know what youre saying." "Its very, very important for you to tell me everything." "I..." "Okay, how did you know?" "I wasnt certain." "Not until you just said that." "Damn, worse than my mother." "Megan, please tell me." " L"m so sorry, Sari." "I swear..." " Don"t swear, please." "Just tell me." "Is it someone I know?" "Someone from the company?" " I dont know what to tell you." " Try the truth." " Sari..." " Please, just tell me." "Okay." "Then, yes, its someone that you know, and yes, it"s someone from the company." "Younger or older?" "Older." "Is she pretty?" "Well, no." "But that"s because... well..." "Its a guy." "Awhat?" "A man?" "With a penis?" "You want the truth?" "Lm telling you." "It"s Jared." "Jared?" " Jared my cousin?" " Your second cousin by marriage." "You mean the same Jared that moved in with us because he lost his job?" "Who I got a job?" "Who I got an interview at your company?" "Is this the same Jared?" "Sort of ironic, really, isn"t it?" "Oh my God, this has to be some kind of sick joke." "He feels really bad about it." "Hes gonna feel really bad, I get my hands on him." "Come on, Sari, let"s face it." "The spark went out between us long ago." "I cant believe youre saying this." "I cant believe youre sleeping with my cousin." "Sarina, we havent had good sex since Martina won Wimbledon." "The passion is gone, Sari." "Were going through a dry stretch, that"s all." "The tide"ll come back if you just give it a chance." "Sari, there is no tide." "The lake has dried up." "That is a lesbian death bed." "Oh, no its not!" "Because that would mean both of us are lesbians." "And you, apparently, are no lesbian!" "L"m as much a lesbian as..." "As who?" "As Jared?" "So how do you feel?" "Feel like a real woman now?" "Stop it!" "Please!" "You promised you wouldnt get mad." "And you promised youd love and be faithful to me!" "I know." "And I do love you, Sarina." "But I don"t have anything inside for you anymore." "Not sexual, anyway." " Let"s cut our losses now, while..." " Great idea." "Good idea." "Move onto the next business transaction!" "The next deal!" "The next client!" "Let"s not be drama queens." "We"re dykes, not fags." "Why keep referring to yourself as a lesbian?" "Did Jared have a sex change and not tell anyone about it?" "You can have Mr. Mittens." "I don"t want him." "I never liked that cat." " Now the truth comes out." " I love that cat!" "Hes my cat!" "Oh, baby girl." "Im sorry." "You want me to go over and beat the crap out of her?" "III do it." "I want you to go beat the crap out of him." "Nah, he"d probably like it too much." "You know how perverted them straight guys are." "In fact, he probably lured her, using drugs or something." "They always recruit people into their sicko straight lifestyle." "You"re right." "Maybe he tricked her, I..." "Hello." "L"m kidding." "Nobody lures Ms. Megan into something she doesnt want to do." "Besides, I gotta tell you, I always had my doubts" " about that lady." " What?" "You suspected Megan was straight and never said anything to me?" "And say "Sarina, I think your girlfriend wishes you had a dick."?" "You just never liked her." "Ever since she dropped out of your stupid Friday night poker game." "No, dont get defensive with me, girl." "Im on your side." "Megan tipped out on you to sit on some guy"s overgrown clit." "So dont even try." "Im sorry." "Babe lm sorry." "Want to go rollerblading?" "Want to go on the new Superman ride?" "Want to rent bad porno movies and see if we recognise anyone?" "Shut up!" "Now, what I wanted to say was," ""Drop the bitch like a bad piece of meat and jump in my bed!"" "As you probably guessed, I had a huge crush on Sarina ever since the first moment I looked at that pretty face." "But she was with Megan and they were in love and had been together for like a hundred years." "So I just kept a little half step back." "Besides, girlie- girls like Sarina don't go for sporty gals like me, despite what they tell you in the dykey-dyke press." "It"s all scandalous lies." "So I just tried to hug her like an older brother and tried not to get my hard-on." "I feel so guilty." "I know." "So do I." "Lets call Sarina up and ask her to join us in a three-way." "She"s your cousin." "Second cousin, by marriage." "We owe her a lot." "Both of us." "You dont have to sleep with her." "You were leaving her anyway, so what difference does it make who you"re screwing?" "Let me put it this way, if things didn"t work out between us, would you mind if I fucked your cute younger brother?" "Why would I mind?" "Idjust have both of you killed." "See if we had any other relatives I could fuck." "People say I"m blunt and sarcastic." "Come on, Meg." "Theres nothing you can do." "Im sorry, but I just can"t help thinking about her lying in bed, crying." "But I"m fertile right now." "Thats why I came home for lunch and we did it for two hours." "But we"ve gotta do it as much as possible." "These eggs arent gettin" any fresher." "Tara, you"ve got plenty of years to have babies." "No, you"ve got years of sperm left." "L"m on a schedule." "Atimes-running-out-get-your-sperm - while-the-eggs"re-fresh schedule." "Tara, at this particular moment, I"m spermless." "Gun isnt loaded." "The well is dry." "The cupboard is bare." " Goddammit, Gus, you"re Latino!" " Im American." "What good is it being a Mexican if I can"t get the sperm I need to make my baby?" "Do I ask you for much, Gus?" "No!" "Do I ask you for jewels?" "Do I ask you for furs?" "Do I ask you to take me out to a fancy restaurant?" "No!" "Not even to Burger King!" "All I ask for is your honesty and your sperm." "I don"t even ask for your love." "If I gotta ask for that, I dont even want it." "But I gotta have your sperm." "Especially now if youre gonna be running off to China, or God knows where..." " It always comes to that." " Yeah." "How many times will we have this argument?" "10 times?" "A hundred?" "I say, let"s get"em all right now, and get "em over with." "What are you saying?" "You want to talk?" "No, Tara, I want to sleep." "But I need your sperm!" "Maybe I should get it from Diego and Dwight like I planned." "If it means me gettin sleep," "III help you with the turkey baster myself." " Did you remember to get the..." " Milk?" "They only had the 2%, not the 1%." "But I got some Chardonnay to bring over to Taras tomorrow night." " Will it go with..." " The calamari?" " Yeah." "Shes doing it in..." " Her fresh tomato pasta?" "I like the way she does that." " She uses..." " Fresh parsley." "But I think its also the market she gets it at on Fairfax." "Everything"s so fresh there." "On the way home from church Thursday, we"ll get some salmon." "For Fridays barbecue?" "Perfect." "Oh wait, I"m..." "There." "Jesus!" "Thank you, Lord!" "What are you doing?" " You need as much sperm as possible." " What?" "Now?" "Companys coming in ten fucking minutes!" " They"re never on time for nothing." " No, no, no, sweety." "Ill get all messy." "I don"t have time to freshen up." "Stop." "Hold on a second." "Let me get horizontal so the sperm dont all come spilling out." "Oh, goddamn!" "Thats the doorbell!" "Hold your fucking horses!" "We"re coming!" "Get off!" "Get off!" "Hold on!" "Hold on!" "Coming!" "In the kitchen?" "Very Jack Nicholson, Jessica Lange of you two." "I knew this was gonna happen." "Hey, Sarina." "You did not just say, "Hi, Sarina."" "He said, "Hello, Sarina." "How you doing?"" "Hello." "You"ve been doing well, I hear." " You look nice tonight, Sari." " Oh, Megan, please." "I was saying it as a friend." "If were friends, shouldn"t we be able to say friendly things?" "Moi?" "No." "You dont want to know what I think." "The only reason I came tonight was because, you know why." "I want to remain friendly, but I dont want to be friends." "So lets not get carried away." "Look, I know I wasn"t as honest as I couldve been, but..." "Megan, please, lets not turn tonight into the Oprah show." " Hey, you guys." " Oh, they"re here." "Some friends!" "Food!" "Food!" "I hear food!" "Hey, everyone!" "You look great!" "Looking terribly buff there." " Have you been working out?" " Yeah, you"re bulking up there." "God, you"re all here at once!" "What did yall do, van-pool?" "We decided to try to be on time for a change." "Well, come on in, girlfriends." "Cause the first course is mud pie." "The dirt will be flung tonight." "Tara, a gay man trapped in a woman"s body." "I am so sorry about Marix." "I always forget how crowded that place gets." "Not that I go there all that much, or anything like that, it"s just that since I dont get out much," " I forget people go out Fridays." " Vincey, its okay, man." " You think?" " Sure..." "So, you dont go out that much, man?" " Good-looking guy like you?" " I go out." "Just not with men." "On dates." "So, it"s been a while since your last serious boyfriend, huh?" "Yeah, the last time was in college." "That didn"t count cause he didn"t know he was my boyfriend." "One of them, huh?" "Yeah, weve all been there." "Hello, thank you." "How come you"re still single?" "Me, now, I"ve got a real excuse." "Oh, yeah?" "And just what might that be?" "Dead boyfriend." "Oh, jeez, lm sorry." "Its cool, man." "It"s been a while, so lm just getting back into this whole dating thing again." "Yeah, well, welcome to hell." " Tell me about it, man." " You know, my friend Tara, says she can"t see how two guys ever figure out the dating thing." "Cause, like, with straights, everything"s much clearer." "Like with sex, did you know that unless there"s vaginal intercourse," " its not considered real sex?" " Really?" "Handjob, not sex." "Blowjob, not sex." "If a guy goes down on a woman, a miracle, not sex..." "Now, you see, I say, if I cum and I"m not alone in the room, then it"s sex." "It all gets kind of complicated." "Yeah, and then you got AIDS on top of everything else." "Yeah, but AIDS doesn"t really exist, so that doesn"t count." "Excuse me?" "AIDS doesnt really exist, man." "Come on, not really." "It"s just a construct." "Its another way of labelling sexuality as a disease." "Look," "I don"t know why Vincey brought him but III just ask him to leave." "You dont have to reveal your HIV status to some shmo off the street." "Screw it." "L"m tired of this whole psycho-drama anyway." "Javi?" "Listen, everyone." "Listen, everyone." "Since there"s no gracious way of saying this, I"ll just say it." "I recently found out that lm HIV positive." "And, well, I wanted you to hear it from me instead of whispers behind my back like Bette Davis in Dark Victory." "Does anyone want dessert?" "You already knew." "Didnt you?" "We also have ice cream if anyone would like it." "You told them." "Didnt you?" "How am I gonna keep something like that private, Javi?" " You didnt tell me." " I told you guys to act surprised." "Look, the important" " thing is that we"re here for you." " Lf you ever need anything... I"m not sick yet." " You didn"t tell me." " He"s telling you now." " You havent told Mommy and Daddy?" " And what if I did?" "Theyre gonna find out sooner or later." "If Id gotten a "respectable" disease like cancer," "I would have told them, wouldnt you?" "Excuse me, but AIDS isn"t a disease." "It"s a syndrome." "You know, acquired immune Deficiency Syndrome." "Javi, if we"re not saying the things we should be saying its because we don"t know what to say." "No, don"t feel bad for me." "I knew this was eventually gonna happen, and in a sense, I"m relieved." "I dont have to dodge the bullets anymore." "Im one of the walking wounded, like Vanessa Redgrave in "Julia"." "I mean, I"m not dying." "At least not yet." "Look, we don"t have to harp on the subject all evening long." "Look, let me tell you something." "When I went for my test results, in the lobby there was this really gross Ozzie and Harriet," "West Hollywood type couple that we all hate." "Like you two, but without your charm or grace or intelligence or genuine human warmth." "I smiled at them, you know, to wish them luck," "but they looked back at me as if just glimpsing my way would infect them." "And I didn't even know I was HIVpositive yet" "I took it as a bad omen." "When they came out, of course they turned out to be HIVnegative." "As they ran to live an AIDS-free life together," "I thought..." "Anne Rice is so right:" "God does kill indiscriminately." "Life is so unfair." "And that"s when it happened." "Believe it or not, they both got hit by a Metro bus." "Not hard to believe if you've seen the way they drive." "Those two beautíful, HIVnegative bodies lay bloodied and mangled in the middle of the street" "And I thought, how wonderful!" "Life is unfair for everyone." "And even if its not, who cares?" "Your time is up when your time is up." " HIVor no HIV." " Exactly." "Besides, it"s not like HIV has anything to do with AIDS." "Look, Javi," "I don"t know you, but I suggest you seriously look into what we know about HIV before you start taking" " any so-called medical treatments." " Are you saying that HIV doesn"t cause AIDS?" " Have you seen conclusive evidence?" " Excuse me, but every medical expert, the CDC, the NIH..." "We carry around dozens of harmless little retroviruses in our system, and HIV is no different, not in its makeup, not in its RNA..." "Dont go there." "This lunatic theory is so old and so disproven..." "Drugs, unchecked syphilis, hepatitis." "Cancer, malnutrition, hell, AZT." "All these things cause the immune system to break down." "How can you say that?" "People were not this sick in the seventies." "Remember those first cases were guys who took ten drugs a night?" " Poppers, screwed anything." " I have a good idea, Buzz, just blame the victims." "When you mess with your body, you get sick from a thousand things." "But the medical community lumps them together and calls it AIDS." "Now they"re all saying you have to have a co-agent with the HIV." "Now tell me, that"s sort of like admitting that HIV doesn"t cause AIDS." "Wrong." "It just means things arent so simplistic." "Look at the common cold." "No cure doesnt mean it doesnt exist." "We"re not sure its appropriate to have this conversation now." "No, I disagree." "Right now is the time you should have this conversation, before your friend does something stupid like taking AZT or one of these protease cocktails, and winds up killing himself." "Now, wait just one darn moment there, Buzz." "Protease inhibitors have performed miracles in combination therapies." "Yeah, on white, A-list homosexuals who can afford the medication." "We know nothing about the side effects, the long-term..." "Buzz, honey," "You don"t get the point so let me state it clearly and succinctly." "Shut the fuck up!" " We"re not interested!" " Tara!" "Dont you "Tara" me." "I can"t believe you bring this wackadoodle to ruin my dinner party." "AIDS is the biggest tragedy of the twentieth century." "Even Madonna said so." "Wait, wait." "Im sorry." "All I"m saying is that gay men are being used as guinea pigs." "Both Dwight and I know what you"re saying." "Fact:" "HIV has not been proven to cause AIDS." " Only a correlation has" " It"s not fair to offer false hope." " Javi is very vulnerable right now..." " Diego, please." "I am not Marlee Matlin from "Children of a Lesser God."" "And I can speak for myself," " and I want to hear this." " You neglect to mention the" "University of Pennsylvania... study that shows how HIV does cause its damage." "Could we maybe talk about something else, please?" "Hear about those two gay guys who got the crap beat out of "em just five blocks from here?" "Vincey tells me you"re an ex-artist, Buzz." "Your last name isnt Wagner, is it?" "Yes." "Oh my God!" "Youre Buzz Wagner!" "This mans a genius!" "Just encourage him." "Maybe hell talk more." "No, I saw one of your shows at the Fergimont Station." "Why did you stop painting?" "Lt"s a long and not very interesting story." "So what is this, payback for me tellin" you not to come for dinner?" "Look, I know it sounds crazy at first, but we had this great, long conversation over dinner." "Let me ask a favour of you." "The next time I go to my doctor's office, would you come with me?" "I want to find out what I can about this and I get intimidated." "Especially when I start to bring up alternative theories or treatments, he turns into Nurse Ratched from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo"s Nest"." "Okay, I"ll tell you what." "L"ll make you a deal." "You model for some paintings, and I"ll go to the doctor with you." "But if you just listen to him, he makes a lot of sense." "And he hasn"t even gotten into his whole adjacent theory about how AIDS is just like Vietnam in the sense that some early mistakes were made, but we sacrifice blood cause we can"t admit the young died in vain." "Just what the world needs." "Another theory freak like yourself." " I thought you and Vincey were..." " Wait, Javi, time." "Look, I"m just asking you to model that"s all." "Besides, I think Vincey and I know that this is not a date." " Why would he bring me here?" " To ruin Tara"s party?" "You don"t really think I ruined her...?" "Oh, man, I really get adamant in my beliefs and..." "You really care about this guy, dont you?" "And it"s great to be out with somebody whose that sexy and also has ideas about things." "He is a cutie-pie." "I think everything I"m saying has a certain amount of merit." " Dont you?" " Sure." " Vincey thinks there"s more..." " Wait, wait." "L"m sure Vincey"s a real nice guy, right?" "But there is absolutely no romantic spark between us." "But I tell you what." "Id love to paint you." "Even if you decide you don"t want to do that, III go to the doctor with you anyway, all right?" "Okay." " Thank you." " You"re welcome." "Oh, Vincey, man, thank you." "Thank you for hooking me up with Javi, man." "And I"m gonna wind up painting him." "Thanks again." "What?" "Fuck him." "Yeah," "I wish." "Buzz, you got Javi a little excited about this whole HIV business." "So I"d like to ask you something." " I normally wouldn"t ask, but..." " But what?" "You want to know if I"m HIV positive, right?" "Yeah, I"d like to know." "As a matter of fact, no." "I don"t have it." "L"m negative." "Bye." "Don"t you think it"s unfair for you to be talking all this talk?" "Because ultimately, it"s not your life on the line, Buzz." "You could be wrong, and go on living your life." " Misinformation could cost his life." " Yes." "You"re absolutely right." "It is a big ass responsibility, and I could be wrong." "But let me ask you a question..." "what if I"m right?" "What if HIV doesn"t kill" "T-cells and your friend starts taking protease inhibitors and dies?" "Who"s gonna be responsible then?" "You?" "I think there"s been enough death and suffering for everybody to take a little piece of blame, don"t you?" "And on that cheery note, I want to remind yall, regarding Javi"s condition you have to swear not to say anythin"." "Good night, Spalding Gray, it"s been really nice having a conversation with you." "My God, where does Vincey find these guys?" "Okay, sugar-dumpling, tell Auntie Miriam what the problem is." "Oh, I know." "I bet it"s that, lm not in a relationship thing again, huh?" "Look, here it is again." "These gay-bashers are all whining about how they in fact are the real victims." "That the only reason they killed those gay guys is because the gay guys put the moves on them." "Give me a break." "What makes every straight guy think all these queers are after them?" "Well darling, you may not know this, but I"m often mistaken for being straight." "You don"t know what its like being pursued by all those gorgeous homos all over town." "I mean it"s like a living hell." "You couldn"t begin to imagine." "It"s not funny, Mike." "Yes it is." "No, its not." "Nothing ever changes." "The cops never even looked for the fuckers who beat me up in college." "It seems like it"s still all the same." "You know, darling, that kind of violence has been around since time began." "I was there." "I really am that old." "Okay, now tell Aunt Miriam what the problem is." "I mean, I dont mean this as a put down, but youve come this far without a boyfriend," "Maybe you should examine that." "Ive just been unlucky." "I mean theres nothing wrong with a person going through life single." "Lots of people do it, and they love it." "It doesn"t mean they"re lonely or damaged goods or anything like that." "Please, we dont have to mimic heterosexual coupling patterns." "What radical homo group are you with this week?" "Now don"t take that tone of voice with me, young lady." "Where"s it say that two men have to settle down and register." "I just dont understand, Mike." "Im sorry." "L"m tired of kissing strangers." "I don"t know if I can do it anymore." "I know where you"re coming from with that." "I really do." "So what are you saying?" "L"m saying that I"m sick tired of hanging out with your fiends." " What?" " Of hanging out with your friends." " You mean, like your brother?" " We"re together because of him." "Thats not what I mean." "You mean you"re tired of hangin out with faggots and dykes." " That sounds too fucked up." " Gus, it"s a fucked up world, okay?" " We just gotta live in it." " We don"t have to live here." "I have to live here." "My job is here." "My life is here." "My friends." "And your brother who has HIV." "Werent you listening to Buzz?" "HIVs got nothing to do with AIDS." " Everyone knows that." " He could be right." "Or a lunatic." "Thats my point." "I can"t friggin tell anymore." "So, why dont you just run off to China then?" "Why dont you run off to Mongolia or Russia?" "Lm sure life is simpler anywhere but here." " Why do you treat me this way?" " Oh, fuck off!" "Shes pissed "cause if I do go, she wont get that baby." "You see, that"s what I like about Megan." " She"s not into that baby crap." " Newsflash, hombre:" "All chicks want babies." "And they"ll say or do anything to get "em." " All chicks?" " Yeah, you got a uterus, you"re a fucking liar, man." "It"s a simple rule." "Sojust go on your trip." "Who"s stopping you?" "Tara." "My brother." "Tara"s a good thing." "Id be stupid to walk away." "She is a total popn fresh." "Not that I"d ever, that shed ever..." "Besides, me and Megan are strong." "Real strong." "I just meant, you know..." "Tara, she"s a nice-looking lady." "Theres a lot to be said for that." "And then there"s that shit with my brother." "How could he let himself get fucked up like that, man?" "With that HIVand shit?" "You know how my parents are gonna react?" "They"re gonna get heartburn?" "No, theyre gonna fuckin die." "Everybody fucking dies, man." "Your parents dont have to live with the shit Javi"s gonna get." "And neither do you." "So, what are you sayin?" "If it were my brother, I"d make sure he knew I was there for him." "Yeah, well, Javi already knows that shit." "Oh, he does?" "All right, then." "Just take your fucking shot, man." " So, you think its bullshit?" " I dont know." "Javis at the doctor"s right now." "My question is, how are you about all this?" "Dwight, be careful, baby, that"s heavy..." "I know you were really hopeful about the relation." "Look, Sarina, I talked to Javi." "And I told him, "Go for it." I still dont see it." "I know the world has been populated by strange couples," "Sonny and Cher, Fred and Ethel, Bert and Ernie..." "But if its going okay for them, then I say go for it, you know..." "But what is up with you and Robin?" " Yeah, what"s up with that?" " We"re great." "And thats why you"re moving out?" "I need my own apartment." "Ive cluttered up this place." "Why not get a two bedroom?" "Robin"s wanted to move for years." "L"ve never lived on my own." "I went from home to college to Megan." "I need to try this." "Living alones not that great, Sarina." "There"s no one to blame if the bathroom"s dirty." "That"s it, you work on her, Vincey." " Think of the money youd save." " You would save money." "Can I have this?" "Can I have it?" "No." "I don"t want to rush into anything this time." "You think you love her?" "I don"t know." "She"s great." "Shes supportive." "She gives me my space, though shed prefer that space to be in the same apartment." " We have good times." "I just..." " But?" "But I don"t know." "I don"t know anymore." "Yeah, I know." "I hear you." "But believe me, love is hard for everyone." "I hate them." "That"s my ex, David." "Is that gonna be me soon?" "Dont have to be." "You got that right." "So, are you going to want me naked or what?" "For... for what exactly?" "Anything." "Anything?" "Anything." "What do you say, that we just start with the painting?" "Right..." "Sounds good to me." "So why did you really stop painting?" "You know, same old shit, man." "I had a great lover." "He was positive." "L"m negative." "We thought AZT was a good idea." "He gets sick." "I take care of him." "And he dies." "And I try to get back into art scene again." "But by then nobody"s interested in my shit anymore." "So I say fuck it." "L"ll go into teaching." "You know, less hassle." "Less stress." "And now you"re ready to take up the cause again." "This time with me." "Look," "I thought we just agreed that we were going to take this slowly." "Okay." "Yes." " It starts 8 oclock tomorrow." " We dont want you to pray." "Just Kool-Aid." "Im busy!" "There"re gonna be a lot of single, interesting guys there." " Right, guys we know from church." " Im so not interested." "We both feel awful about Javi and Buzz" " and you and what happened..." " Why?" "Lm got dumped." "You shouldn"t be so self-defeatist about it." "You have to have a better attitude." "Would you just relax, lm just cleaning crevices." "But if you keep annoying me..." "We just know a few guys you might get along with." "You know what, you guys, I know you mean well, but the world"s different for me than for people who look like you." "Things come so easily to you guys, you just have no idea." "That is just so not true." "First of all, you are just as good-looking as Diego or I." "To some people." " To others you"re better looking." " Yeah, you got the whole writer, artsy, goatee thing happening." "Very attractive." "Exactly." "Mechanic." "Everything." "On top of that, you have to remember that Diego and I have our ups and downs just like anybody else." "The difference is we work at our relationship, Vincey." "Oh, really?" "When was the last time you two had a fight?" " This morning." " Right, it was just this morning." "I wanted to make pancakes for breakfast." "I hadn"t cooked in a while, so I wanted to cook." "Except, I cannot make pancakes, so I figured I"d make omelets instead." "In the end, we compromised and we went out for breakfast." "We went out for breakfast." "Rooty-tooty-fresh-and-fruity." " I can still taste it." " Oh, it was so good." "Vincey?" " Come on now, stop." " Come on." "No, I did not meet anybody, because I was stuck talking to your church friend the whole night." "You know, the one who dresses Barbie dolls like the Virgin Mary, and puts them in his window to guard the apartment against evil spirits." "No, no, no this is not funny, you guys, because now I am horny and lm depressed, and I might just kill somebody, and it may be just one of you two." "Look, I"m sorry that none of my friends came to see you." " Whered they go?" " I had a good time." "Im sure you did." "With all the girls throwing themselves at you." "I was ready to smack the shit out of that green-eyed bitch hanging all over you." " Sister Elizabeth was friendly." " Oh yeah, sure, right, sister." " Is she a stripper?" " I gotta go pee." " Vincey, now?" " Come on." " Pee?" " What is it with you men?" "Look, I want to apologize." "Sarina told me how you felt about Buzz." "Oh, please, its no big deal." "I just got my signals crossed." "It happens all the time." "Are you sure?" "Are you gonna break up with him?" "What good would that do me?" "If you guys are happy, then great." "There"s so much shit in this world, if you can find something good," "I want you to have it." "Now don"t pee on my leg." "Look at these cocksuckers." "Rise and shine boys!" "Where you going", baby?" "Hey, faggot, ever get a bat shoved up your ass?" "Fore!" "Oh, that"s gonna leave a mark." "You gonna take out your wallet, or are we gonna have to knock your fuckin" teeth out first?" " Suck us off better." " Yes!" "Hey, I bet you take it up the ass real nice, fag-boy." "Yeah, yeah, like that." " Dude, beer bottle." " On it." "Hold still, baby." "Honors?" "Help!" "Help me!" "Help me!" "Help me!" "Now baby, you gotta relax." "Or this isnt gonna be pleasant for you." "You get away from him!" "Get away from him!" "Motherfuckers!" "Motherfucker!" "You want to fight?" "You want to fight?" "Vincey!" "What about you, huh?" "Don"t fucking come near me." "Stay the fuck away from me." "This fucker was about to shove a beer bottle up my ass." "All right man, just fucking let him go, okay." " Where are your buddies now?" " His friends might come back." "I dont see em anywhere." "Tell me you guys feel sorry for this little shit!" "Fucking let him go!" " His friends might come back!" " You gotta stay away because, otherwise lm gonna have to cut his neck." "Vincey!" " Put that goddamn knife away!" " L"ll cut his throat." "And then III be a murderer, and you"ll all be accomplices." "Tell me one court in this world that wouldnt put us all to death." "Don"t think I wont do it!" "Lm sorry." " Oh, yeah?" " What are you sorry for exactly?" "Are you sorry for getting caught?" "Are you sorry for taking my wallet?" "Stop it right now." " Let him go, Vincey." " Sorry for getting it up the ass while total strangers watched?" "But you"re the one got me all heated up, baby." "Cute little straight boy like you, You gotta let me get my rocks off." "Leave me alone, man!" "Relax, this is not gonna be pleasant for you at all if you dont." "Stop it, Vincey." "Stop it." "Remember who you are." "Vincey, put the knife away." "Relax!" "Relax." "It"s just sex." "You see, gay boys have learned how to relax, so we can enjoy the secret pleasure of being fucked over all the time." "Get the hell out of here!" "Now!" "Man, dont you even want my pager number?" "Dont I even get a kiss?" "You"re just like all the others!" "You motherfucker!" "Let go of me you fucking assholes!" "Lets get out of here, Diego." "Were sorry, Vincey." "We didnt know what they were doing." "What?" "Maybe we should go to the police, and report the whole thing." "I aint saying shit." "Dwight, hello." "L"m a fag... who was drunk in an alleyway and raped a straight man." "They"d put me away for life." "They got cute boys in prison." "You could finally get a boyfriend." "Vincey, what if the guy goes and reports it?" "Somehow I doubt that dickhead is gonna go to the cops and tell them he got it up the ass by a faggot." "Vinceys right," " we should just drop it." " Thank you." "Reverend Nelgood said harboring secrets causes horrible nightmares." "You told your pastor?" "What are you, nuts?" "Doesn"t he have to report it now or somethin"?" "No, its priests who can"t mention what they hear in confession." "You guys shouldn"t be tellin" anyone." "Coming from Miss Tight Lips." "Hey, look who"s talking." "We didnt do anything wrong." " But you think I did?" " We didn"t say that, okay." "Vincey, you did kind of rape a guy." "I think the motherfucker got off easy, personally." "If that were me, not only would I have fucked up the motherfucker, but Id have shoved the bat up his ass till it bust his skull." " Thats what I"m saying." " Then kick him down the street." " This is pretty, very pretty." " You guys aren"t saying this." "Believe it." "You guys are Christians." " You believe in things, right?" " Yeah, like forgiveness." "And what exactly am I supposed to be forgiven for?" "I didn"t mean that, Vincey." "Vincey, you really didn"t have to humiliate the guy like that." "Maybe you took the whole thing a little too far." "You think maybe, what?" "I shoulda let him fuck me?" " I mean, he was cute, but..." " You dont have to makejokes." "Then what do I gotta do?" "Cry all day?" "Go to the cops and have them lock me up?" "Go kill myself?" "Look, you guys, I don"t know why I didnt run away or how I got a hard-on, or what I could"ve done differently, except that what happened, happened, and lm glad that at least this time, I fought back." "All right, I should shut up but, maybe you need to talk to a counsellor." "No, no, I can"t do this anymore, you guys." "Im sorry." "In the last seven days, we have talked about nothing else." "I gotta get away from you all." "Its nothing against any of you, it"sjust..." " Vincey, wait we didn"t mean..." " Stop it!" "L"m sorry!" "I know." "I know." "But I have got to get away." "I will be fine." "Dont worry about me." "Okay?" "Just..." "Honey, give the man some room." "He"ll be fine." "You know, Megan told me, when he was in college, some guys beat the shit out of him on campus, and then he disappeared for weeks." "Where is she, anyway?" "Megan?" "Her parents are in town." "You wanted to tell them what happened with Megan"s parents." "Nah, don"t feel like it." "But you hafta swear" " not to say anythin"." " I don"t sound like that." " You sound exactly like that." " No I dont..." "Anybody want to hear about her?" "A new story?" "Okay." "I hope you like the salmon, father." "Its the best in town." "Sarina used to cook us the most exotic dishes every time we came into town." " Didn"t she darling?" " Yes." "Absolutely divine." "It was a new taste thrill every time." "Not that this isn"t lovely, dear." "It really is." "Megan cant cook." "But you must know that now." "But that Sarina..." "Did we tell you Sarina sent us flowers?" "My God, exquisite!" "Absolutely gorgeous!" "You know, Jared just got a promotion at work." "He"s our new Vice President of Video Planning." "Well, that"s terrific, Jared." " Congratulations." " Congratulations, darling." "Thank you." "Where Sarina got you the interview?" "And they gave you the job?" "Extraordinary." "Really?" "With that long hair." "How progressive of them!" " He knows Sarina?" " They"re cousins, darling." " Second cousins." "By marriage." " Really?" "You don"t look like her." "She is such a pretty, pretty girl." "Where is she living now?" "Could we not talk about Sarina for five minutes, please?" "You don"t have to be testy, dear." "After all, you did live together for a very long time." "God, Mother, anyone else"s parents would be thrilled their daughter was out of a lesbian relationship and seeing a man." "A handsome, successful, good man at that, but you two just carry on." "She always was a testy one!" "Alicia, I think that"s enough." "No!" "Lts time for honesty." "Here, at this table, honesty." "You, at a very young age, you came to the two of us and you said to us that you were a lesbian." "And that we should just get used to it." "And now you bring in this." " Sarina was like a daughter." " Enough." "What do we say at P-FLAG?" "That is what Id like to know." " P-FLAG?" " Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays." "Emile and I have been very active in the organisation." "L"d also like you to know that your father has written a book, about our experiences which was just about to get a rave in the New York Times Book Review." "They love it." "And now this." "This is really, a little bit embarrassing." "You bring in..." "Youve changed everything now." "All right, thats it." "L"m not going to mention another word about this." "L"ve said my piece, and darling," "I would love a drink." "Thank you so much." "All right." "To Sarina." "To such a lovely girl." "You see, despite the hugeness of what happened with Vincey, our own lives still went on." "And we still all had our same old problems." "And what was weighing down on my brain was..." "I wanted a wedding." "A full-scale ceremony." "I wanted bridesmaids, freaked-out relatives, flower girl, ríng-bearer girl, the whole she- bang." "And, if not that," "I wanted us to move in together." "If not that then a commitment to more nights together." "And if not that, just more." "I wanted more." "More, what?" "I don't know." "But just lately, I"d had the sneaky suspicion that Megan, that greedy little bitch, was using the Vincey Incident to wiggle back into Sarina"s life." "Hed introduced them, so theyre on the phone all the time." "I didn"t want to deny Sarina her fríendships or anything." "I... just felt that..." "Megan still had some kind of control over Sarina"s heart" "Robbie, are you okay?" "Baby, I need more time." "For what?" "Everythings great." "Ljust don"t understand." "I dont understand why we cant just get a place together?" "I just moved in here." "Yeah, and you hate it here, baby." "I know, honey, but I cant make a commitment right now." "I don"t want that." "Not until you"re ready to take it to the next level." "You talk like were trapped in a video game." "No, you talk like you"re trapped in a sick relationship game with me." "Look," "I told you on the first night, that I cannot make a commit." "Not yet." "I mean, I was in a nine year relationship with the same woman." "What?" "You want to sleep around?" "You want to try men?" "You want to get back with Megan?" "Is there something specific you want to do besides torture me?" " Bobby-bear..." " No!" "Lt"s because lm too butch." "What?" "I know I"m not girlie-girlie like Megan." "L"m not even girlie-girlie like Ru Paul." "Shit, next to me, Janet Reno looks fem." "But at least with me you know what youre getting." "L"m not some confused straight girl playing games with you." "You know that butchlfem stuff means nothing to me." "Yeah, on a theoretical level." "But when it comes to taking me to the teachers" picnic, and everybody"s wondering if thats your little brother, well that"s just a whole other story, isnt it?" "I want to ask you a question." "Why is it that everyone can have problems, except for me?" "Why is it that I always have to be the understanding one?" "Who do I turn to when I need it?" "You turn to me." "That"s what I"m here for." "Yeah, thats what I thought." "But you can"t even allow me the "privilege" of getting over a 9 year relationship." "No, no, no." "Sari, lm sorry." "I love you." "I love you so much." "I don"t want to see you sad." "I don"t want to see you cry." "L"ll wait, okay?" "L"ll wait." "Ill wait a whole lifetime if you want me to." "And then I think:" "You idiot!" "Whatd you tell her that for?" "You have trouble waiting for microwave popcom." "So are they going to stay together or not?" "I don"t know." "But you know lesbians are like" "Catholics or Saturday Night Live, going on no matter how bad it gets." "Speaking of mates for life," " guess who I just saw?" "." " Vincey and Mr. Beer Bottle?" "Tara..." "Dont tell me Diego and Dwight?" "Exactly!" "Now get this." "Buzz and I fínished work-out and ran into them in the parking lot" "I swear, it was like they were avoiding us." "They came up with some lame excuse about being in a rush." "Well, maybe they were." "When have they ever been in a rush to get anywhere, except an Amy Grant concert?" "Besides, it was the way they looked at us." "They cant possibly be mad at us for not reporting" Vincey, can they?" "My guess is that theyre still wigged over the whole thing." "That"s why we should all get together again." " And nobodys heard from Vincey?" " Nope." "Not since the barbecue." "And thats been five weeks." "I don"t know what to do anymore, Javi." "Ive gone over there ten times." "Hes never home." "I call every day." "I only get his answering machine." "I mean, I dont even know what Id say anymore." ""Hi, Vincey, I know you"re probably out keeping" West Hollywood safe by beating" up gay-bashers right now, but when you get a minute, can you give me a call?"" "Hey, you better watch out, or he might come after you next." "Javi, lm serious." "I am really worried about Vincey." "You want to worry about something, worry about my shoulder." "All right, I saw your shoulder, there"s nothin" there." "Where?" "Right here." "I don"t see anything." "Right there." "There"s nothing." "There"s nothing there." "Come on." "Its a blotch." "It a freckle, man." "The tiniest freckle in the world." "I think I would know it if I had a freckle on my shoulder, Buzz." "People get freckles all the time, man." "You went riding last week without your shirt in the park, remember?" "Could have happened then." "It"s cancer." "It"s starting." "Nothing is starting, Javi." "Come on, man." "Besides, we both agreed if you came down with any real illnesses," " we"d investigate them." " Okay then, feel my glands." "They"re swollen." "Your glands are not swollen." "You didn"t feel them." "Theyre not swollen." "I can feel them." "If you could not feel them, they would not be there." "L"m calling Dr. Mellgard." "And this time youre not invited." "Not after that last episode." "It was just too Norma Rae for me." " But Javi, man, look..." " But nothing, Buzz." "He is still my doctor." "And he"s a respected doctor." "Besides, I don"t want him pissed off at me." "Especially when my pants are down and his fingers are up my butt." "Fingers?" "Lts only supposed to be one." "Sweetie?" "III be right out." "You got a moment?" "Honey, lm really late for work." "This won"t take long." " Fuck!" " Exactly." "What the fuck is this?" " Are you going through my things?" " Don"t even try that approach." "Let me dry off, okay?" "What, so you were gonna just leave without tellin me?" ""Honey, I"m goin" to the store for ex-lax," and then never come back?" "We"ve talked about this before, Tara." "This isn"t something new." "Its a ticket to the Middle East!" "I cant stay here!" " What about yourjob?" " The one you"re making me late for?" "Right, it"s my fault." "Im making you late for work." "You can"t just wander off." " You"re not a kid anymore." " Don"t tell me what I cannot do." "You want to settle down, I don"t." "Ive said that from the start." "Yeah, well talk is one thing, but this, this is sayin youd rather wander around the war capitals of the world than stay with me." "Like there"s no violence in L.A." "Cant you just stop for a second and think what you"re giving" up?" "You think I havent?" "No, I dont think you have." "Cause III tell you one thing you"re not gonna find out there, in Cairo or anywhere else, and thats me." "It would be different if you were a scientist and wanted to explore the rainforests, or you were a businessman and wanted to open an office in Beijing." "That would be something totally different." "But you"re so vague about it." "It"s not like you"re running towards something but runnin" away." "I think by the time you realise that and come back to get what you left behind, it"ll be too late." "I know you don"t want to hear this, but I love you, Gus." "And don"t you think I love you too?" "I don"t know." "Do you?" "Yeah, of course I love you, Tara." "But I can"t stay." "If what weve gots not strong enough to last till I come back, then that"s something I just gotta risk." "But lve never left California." "I only did community college." "I can"t say why I gotta do this." "But that night when Vincey did that shit," "I kept thinking I"ve lived such a totally sheltered life." "That all this shits happening to all these people, but everything that happens to me is through you and people I know." "I was having this totally fucking bizarre experience, but then I realised that I wasnt having any experience." "That I was just watching." "Not that I want to be doing what Vincey did, but I gotta start doing something on my own." "But it"s gotta be out there." "And it"s gotta be on my own." "Thats the best way I can put it." "Baby, youjust gotta let him go." " What else can you do?" " I could break both his legs, so hed have to cancel his stupid trip." "Got any brandy to go in this?" " Tara, its 9 in the morning." " Yeah, so?" "What"s your point?" "We should be drinking Bloody Marys." "Its hard for me to believe Gus would pull this crap on me, but it"s even harder to believe that Sarina hasnt called you yet." "Thats gonna happen sooner or later." "You don"t know anything for sure, so let"s not jump to conclusions." "Tell me what happened." "And start from the beginning..." " Robin?" " Darling?" "Sorry to bother you at this hour, but I have to talk to Sarina." "Baby, it"s telephone... telephone." "Hello?" "0" "Thank God you"re there!" "You have to come over right away." "Megan, whats wrong?" "Just, please, just come." "I need you." "What is it?" "Lt"s... its..." "Mr. Mittens." "Whats happened?" "He"s... he"s not moving!" "Megan probably poisoned the cat to get Sarina over there." "Did you take him to the vet?" "You"re the first one I called." "Here." "Thank you." "L"ll be right there." "You did what?" "Her car"s in the shop, so I told her to take my truck." "What are you, nuts?" "Since when is Megan so helpless?" "She"s acting like a little girl." "If I can"t trust Sarina, then I don"t..." "It"s not a matter of trusting Sarina." "It"s a matter of separating the sheep from the wolf." "Speaking of wolves, where the hell is that stupid Jared?" "How come he couldn"t drive her over there?" "Hes out of town on business." "But hell be back on Monday." "So what happened?" "You broke a finger?" "You cant pick up a phone and call poor Robin here?" "I been puttin all kinds of sick ideas in her head." "Im sorry." "One kiss." "Okay, look." "We were driving around all night, trying to find a stupid vet." "And then when we did, they had to pump Mr. Mittens stomach, and then hook him up to an I.V." "And then we couldnt find a pay phone." " In L.A.?" " No, a pay phone that worked." "We lost track of time..." "Im sorry, baby." " How sorry?" " Really sorry." "Really sorry?" "I guess lm not needed around here anymore." "L"ll just go somewhere else to be miserable." "Bye." "L"m glad you didnt get your stomach pumped." "Bye." " Bye." " Bye!" "Hello, Víncey, it"s me, Tara." "Guess what" "Javi and Buzz just had a huge fíght." "According to Javi, it was more dramatic than "Gone With The Wind."" "So, let me tell you exactly how he told me, but you have to swear not to tell anybody." "Get ready for this." "It"s gonna be a real shocker." "They are arguing about H-l-V." "Big surprise, right?" "Buzz pulled another Larry Kramer with Javi"s doctor." "So Javi"s all..." "I wont bet my life on it." "There are too many big brains that say that HIV does matter." "And then Buzz is all..." "I know this shit scares you." "And that"s when Javi goes..." "I can"t live on that kind of rollercoaster." "And they are going back and forth, back and forth." "And fínally Javi says..." "HIV is killing me!" "Of course, he"s as healthy as a horse." "He"s got more T-cells than bad ortfits and that"s a lot" "But he was pushed over the edge, poor dear." "Like Faye Dunaway in "Mommy Dearest" without the lipstick." "And then not to be outdone," "Buzz is Elizabeth Taylor in "Who"s Afraid of Vírginia Woolf"" "Only his hair was little bit different." "You know how Javi loves being the drama queen." "So, he"s all,"lm leaving." "Goodbye."" "And then Buzz is all, "No, no, you"re not I"m leaving."" "Of course neither one of them is going anywhere because they just thrive on this kind of interaction." "But finally Javi does leave." "He storms right out the door." " And Buzz says..." " Where you going?" "Lt"s your house." "I do hope they make up because, well, they are kind of cute together." "Anyhow, take care, honey, I"ll talk to you later." "You okay?" "Lt"s Buzz." "Yeah, what about him?" "I left him just now." "You asked." " I didn"t say anything." " You didn"t have to." "I think Buzz is okay." "What happened?" "I dont want Buzz sticking around out of sympathy for me." "Well, Buzz seems like he"s really into you." "And you seem like youre really into Tara." "But you"re leaving anyway." "That"s fucked up, isn"t it?" "Ahh, yeah... but youre gonna pull a Terminator." "Youll be back." "Yeah, sure, eventually." "Question is will she take me back?" "Thats something I gotta risk." "Something you should think about before you fuck up a good thing." "So shes still not talking to you, huh?" " You know how she is." " Yeah." "Better watch yourself." "I think you should do something to make it up to her." "I didn"t do nothing wrong." "Ive been telling her for months that lm going, and now I am." "Now see, thats the difference between you and me." "When I screw something up with someone..." "I try to make it up to them in some way." "You know, like, bake "em a good dessert, buy some flowers." "You know, something." "And at that moment, I knew," "I knew that that was gonna be the best fuckinbreakfast ever." "Hi, Vincey, this is Tara." "I know you"re still... workin" through things but I thought I"d give you the weekly update on whats going on." "You have to swear not to tell anybody." "Of course, you"re not talkinto anyone, so who you gonna tell?" "Dwight and Diego, they broke up!" "No, I"m just kidding." "And me and Gus are having lots and lots of sex." "Though I don"t have to tell you that because we always do." "But hes shooting good ones." "Anyhow, enough about me." "You"re dying to hear about Megan and Sarina and Robin, so..." "So there I was, outside of Sarinas, dressed in my best Norma Kamali." "I usually wore a blouse underneath, but not that night." "I had on my newest, sexiest bra which kept slipping down." "If I was going to be stalk, I ought to look my best" " Hi there." " Hi." " Could we talk a minute?" " Sure." "Do I get a hug hello?" "You look... good." "You think so?" "L"mjust coming from work, and..." "But you, you look great." "So, what"s up?" "Do you think we could go somewhere to talk?" "No." "I cant." "L"m meeting Robin here in a few minutes to go out to dinner." "Right." "Of course." "How is she?" "She"s fine." "And the two of you?" "Well... as you"ve probably heard," "Jared and I, well, it just didnt work out." "Yeah, I was sorry to hear that." "So, you know, well," "I was just thinking, I mean," "I just wanted you to know that, I think we, you and me, had some really, had something really good." "And I just wanted to tell you that, because life goes on and sometimes you don"t, or I dont say thank you, when I had something good." "It was good." "It was a big part of our lives." "It was, right?" "So, any chance of, I mean," "God, I cant believe lm coming right out and saying this, but, do you really love Robin?" "Because if not," "I really think we could still salvage what, maybe something." "I never stopped loving you, Sari." "We had our problems." "Who doesn"t?" "We were so good together." "And my parents... think we should buy that house, like we used to talk about." "They even want to give us the down-payment." "Anyway, I know I"m getting ahead of myself." "And I know Robin is a terrific person, but honestly," "Sari, could you ever love her like you loved me?" "Honestly?" "Honestly." "I never stopped loving you either, Meg." "But I see now, we never had a relationship kind of love." "Its not at all like what I have with Robin." "No one can turn heads like you, Megan." "You are beautiful, charming, successful, witty." "All the things we all want to be." "But it has nothing to do with love." "When I"m in Robin"s arms at night," "I feel, I feel something" "I never felt with you." "I cant explain it." "But I feel more real and stronger than anything I"ve ever known." "I know youre going to find someone, because you have so much to offer." "I have to go now." "Sarina," "if it doesn"t work out." "Just remember, I"m always here for you, okay?" "I love you." "Fuckin lesbians." "Well, okay," "Buzz bought me this camera and suggested I keep a journal as a way of expressing how I feel about HIV..." "So, so... let"s see..." "Okay, that"s enough about HIV." "At home, things have never been better between Buzz and I." "It"s scary how we slid from dating right into domestic bliss." "When I used to dream about a relationship with someone, it was never quite like this." "And yet, now I can't imagine my life with anyone else or in another way." "Although we try to do something positive for the community." "Like Dwight and Diego do." "Well, maybe not exactly like they do." "We all went over to Tara"s for Gus"s good-bye dinner." "Megan brought this new boyfriend." "And, as it turned out," "Dwight and Diego weren't mad at anyone." "Theyd gone on some fabulous gay Christian retreat to re-evaluate their lives," "then got really busy with work when they got back." "In fact, they were in a hurry that day I saw them." "It"s funny how we misinterpret looks and actions." "When I did bring up Vincey, things got uncomfortable." "But then, Dwight spoke up." "Guys." "Guys." "Okay, guys." "Diego and I talked about this at length, and you know we dont like to force our beliefs onto anyone, but we were wondering if maybe it would help the healing process for Vincey as well as for us," "if we all took a moment and said a prayer." " Non-denominational, of course." " For him." "Now before you say no, because we know how this makes some of you feel uncomfortable, we just want you to consider the fact that" " though we understand his anger..." " We do not condone his actions." "We thought this might be a way to acknowledge what happened..." " as a group..." " And move on from there." "So, can we give it a shot?" "Maybe?" "Nobody could think of a reason fast enough why we shouldn"t, but as weird as it was, it did offer a sort of closure to the whole deal." "Pray God in heaven, looking down upon us..." " Great, white bird..." " We"d like to talk about Vincey." "We want you to take him under your wing." "We"d love it." "With all our hearts." "Whatever you can do to keep him safe and dry," "I hope hes wearing shoes." "Okay, that was great." "Can I open my presents now?" "I think it was a very lovely prayer-thingy." "And I think we should all toast" "Dwight and Diego because they are not only fabulously good-looking, but they"re amazingly spiritual at the same time." "That night at Tara"s was the last time I saw my brother before he went on his trip." "And then, about six months later, I"m watching TV." "Thank you for being on my show "Fags On Line", Víncent" "Oh, my God." " Call me Víncey." " How could we not know this?" "Everyone else does." "And you can call me Mar-shaw." "Accent on the "shaw."" "Now, a lot of queers have criticised your on-line series as being too political." "Too preachy." "As co-creator and head writer, how do you respond to this?" "I can take that criticism." "L"m a big man." "I go to the gym." " Hello?" " Tum on channel 3 right now!" " What?" " Channel 3!" "Right now!" "To give that new prospective..." "Oh my God!" "...we did a story line about the gay-basher who winds up getting raped and beaten by his intended victim." " I gotta call Diego and Dwight" " Okay, bye." "And you really have to wonder why politicians get upset..." " Turn it up." " When all that gay people want are the same rights as everybody else, not special ones." "Yes, we"re watching it." "I think that we"re all brought up with such stupid" " myths about sex and love." " Megan just called us." " We were about to call you." " These lies cause a ton of damage." "Some people are meant to be in relationships, some are meant to be single." "It"s not a big deal." "So now, what about you?" "Where do you fit into all this?" "Relationship?" "Not relationship?" "Loves a tricky thing, Marcia." "Its like, no one knows when or even if it"s ever gonna show up." " Amen." " But I tell you what" "I think that lm finally at a time in my life." " You go boy." " Lf it does come my way," "III be able to recognise it." "3 years ago, I never would've dreamed I"d sit at my computer writing stories and sending them over the phone lines into other people"s houses." "So maybe love now will look differently." "Who knows?" "How enlightened Shaka Buto of you." " That is so clear." " Shaka Buto?" "Vincent, you've just been a pleasure." "God bless cable." "Thanks for being on "Fags On Line."" "Well see you all later." "As dramatic as I know I am, I promised myself" "I wasn't going to make a big deal about this baby." "In fact, I haven"t even told Gus about it." "Not yet." "L"m gonna wait until after the baby is bom." "Even then, it"s gotta be handled very carefully." "I don"t it to seem like a desperate ploy to lure him back." "L"m gonna wait until later." "I haven"t told my mother, brother or anybody yet." "L"m gonna wait until after the baby"s born." ""Cause I know how people in general have a much easier time lovin" cute little babies than they do lovin" unwed pregnant women." "So we"re just gonna wait" "But in the meantime, I've had all my tests." "L"ve had my ultrasound test, my APPtest, my blood test, my urine test All the tests." "L"ve had them all and everything"s normal." "So there"s really nothin" extraordinary about this baby." "Except that, its mine." "It"s my baby." "And this babys gonna have all the love in the world." "Isn"t it rude when people don"t return other people"s calls?" "Dont you think its rude to sneak up on me like that?" "I almost killed you, you moron." "Yeah, its a gun." " It"s loaded." " My God." "Not that lm not happy to see you." "Hey, baby." "How come you didn"t tell me you were gonna be on TV?" "Cause I didn"t think public access counted." "You"re Mr. Big Shot now, are you?" "No, I"ve been working hard on this." "L"m flying to New York tonight." "The backers are excited." "They can"t believe its going so well." " Backers?" "You have backers?" " Yeah." ""The backers cant believe its going so well."" ""Lm leaving for New York." "Public Access doesn"t count."" "What about your friends?" "We"re going to miss you." " Have you talked to anyone else?" " No, not yet." " Why not?" " Well, when I come back..." "I just wanted to see you before I left." "Oh, sweety." " I missed you so much." " I missed you too." "He wanted to see how huge Id gotten." " Tara, are you all right?" " Yeah." "No, I"m okay." "L"m fine." "L"m... just tired." "You look pale." " Ok, where does it hurt." " Somethin" s wrong." "Take a deep breath now." "Take a deep breath." "Everythings fine." "Because we"re all here and thats a good thing." " Oh God!" " No, lm gonna go get my truck!" "Oh, no... my water broke!" "L"ll call the hospital." "Well help you up." "Im gonna pack." "It"s only seven months." "So he"s early?" "It just means he"s not gay." "We"ll still love him." "Hold on, little baby." "We"re almost there." "Somethin"s wrong." "Somethin"s wrong." "No, no." "You"re going to be fine." "Healthy premature babies are born every day." "All right?" " You change your mind about Gus?" " No, dont tell him." " He should be here for you, Tar." " No, III tell him." "I lost the baby." "I lost the baby." "That"s what they told me." "Like it was an umbrella or a ball game or somethin"." "I didn"t allow the doctors to put me under." "I was gonna do everythin within my power to make sure this child lived." "But his lungs just weren"t fully developed yet." "There was nothinin the tests that could've told us that" "It was just, you know, one of those things." "The doctors all said that they were surprised the pregnancy lasted as long as it had." "They let me hold him, my little son." "He was really tiny!" "And when I was holding him, he gasped like a tiny whimper." "I heard a nurse in the hall say that was nature"s way of weeding out the weak." "That it was God"s will." "I wished I had one ounce of strength left in my body so I could get out of bed, slap that nurse silly, and tell her it was God"s will." "Look who"s here." "I was in New York when I got the call about the memorial service." "I took the next flight home." "When those ashes flew back into our faces," "I was certain it meant something, but just what, I still havent figured out yet." "And so our lives go on." "Although I know they can never be exactly the same." "Javi still has HIV." "I still... did what I did." "And Tara and Gus still lost the baby." "But just thinking about that baby"s life and how it never even got started, the strangest thought occurred to me." "I thought about how that life began with sex, and how sex sometimes leads to life, sometimes to death, sometimes to love." "And then I thought about my friends." ""Cause every day, people are born and people die." "And in between we find ridiculous and important things to keep us busy." "Like love and sex, although not necessarily in that order." "Those people who can find them both with the same person should count ourselves among the lucky ones." "As for the others, like me, I"ve got plenty of love." "I've got my friends." "And you know what?" "." "That is something to cherish in this amazingly brutal, crazy, but totally wonderful world."