"WHEN WE RETURNED FROM AFRICA" "EVERYONE WANTED TO GO WITH US." "SO LET' S GO." "Gee!" "Shoot that!" "KLOKTV presents" "TRABANT GOES TO AFRICA" "There should be a road, but there isn't any... 2 TRABANTS" "We'll destroy more things here than we'd have destroyed if..." "Shit!" "2 STROKES" "It's not like almost seized up, it's just seized up." "2 CYLINDERS" "That's what it's all about." "That it's not easy." ""Have a healthy disrespect for the impossible." Larry Page, the founder of Google" ""It's not possible." We heard all the time." "You cannot go by the poorest car in Europe across the poorest continent." "There are no roads in Africa." "You'll get robbed or killed there." "It's just not possible." "And if it were, we don't have the time." "Mortgages to pay, jobs to go to..." "We got fed up with that." "We took all our money." "Pavel has no kitchen, Dan has no heating, others interrupted their studies." "And we set off on a journey across a written off continent in a written off car." "Because we were told it can't be done." "We wanted to show you still stood a chance." "Even if you sit in a crap car travelling across miserable lands." "Because where there is a will there is a way." "I hope to get out of here soon." "If only we could get started on the easy part - the way to Cape Town and this unbelievable bureaucracy and stupid dealings with consulates was over." "Try the gears again." "Hold it, hold it!" "Ease up on the choke and step on it." "And open the gas!" " It's a motorbike with reverse." " Yeah, it's a motorbike in disguise." "I think we'll understand one another." "Trabant 601 Universal. 26 horsepower, 2 cylinders, engine capacity 600cc, plastic bodyshell." "Only a bicycle is simpler." "We have two of them called Egu and Babu." "They cost 250 EUR each to buy and 2500 EUR to repair." "They look like new." "Or they will look like new." "Hopefully." "I don't know yet what I should be afraid of." "Basically nothing terrible can happen." "I'm not afraid but I'm worried." "Why trabant?" "Because we don't have a land rover." "And we are tired of hearing that it's not possible." "80 years ago it was possible." "Long before Hanzelka and Zikmund" "Mr. Foit and Mr. Baum travelled across Africa in a car even more primitive." "We'll follow in their tracks." "Without sat-nav, satellite phone and other "must haves"." "I'm afraid of spiders and that we'll run out of gas somewhere." "But we've got really big canisters so it shouldn't happen." "And if they don't fly away like my sleeping mat nothing will stop us." " So you think you will get there?" " Absolutely." "The only question is where." "To the Cape!" "ONE HOUR TO THE OFFICIAL DEPARTURE It doesn't look so good..." "THREE HOURS LATER" "We already have African manners." "We arrived last to our own departure." "But it was OK." "Everybody was afraid they'll never see us again." "First - start the engine, then find first gear and then off it goes." "EGU and BABU EXPEDITIONARY TRABANTS" "That's all 7 of us. 5 people and 2 trabants." "20000 km of Africa lies ahead of us." "We're going to go through 11 countries." "We need visas for all but one." "It took us 3 months, hundreds of dollars and tens of stamps and forms to get them." "We still don't have visas for Sudan." "It could be a problem." "We'd like to be in Cape Town in 2 months." "Reportedly we can't make it." "But we can." "Everything is going smoothly." "In 3 days we are in Genoa, our gate to Africa." "During the preparations, for half a year, we were looking forward to leaving Europe." "Whatever awaits us on the other side, let it start." "The Trabant is finally in Africa." "Even if we don't make it any further." "I took a photo of my foot stepping on the African shore." "Tunisia was just a transfer point to Libya." "We stayed there less then one day." "Anyhow the local journalists caught up with us for an interview." "They wanted to know what we liked the most there." "We confessed we hadn't seen anything." "They wrote we liked everything." "But we hadn't experienced a Tunisian petrol station yet." "Or enviromental disaster, to be more precise." "There is Libyan gas everywhere." "Across the border it costs just 20 cents per litre." "That's why it's being smuggled here on a huge scale." "We asked whether smoking is allowed." "It is - but not recommended." "We can receive phone calls but we can't call out." "It doesn't matter, let's go to Libya." "They are waiting for us there." "Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya." "That's the official name of this country." "The author of this tongue twister" " Muammar Gadhafi, "leader of the revolution", smiles at us from every corner." "And everything is green." "There must be special factories producing the colour of Islam." "Libya is a country of infinite possibilities." "The gas costs the already mentioned 20 cents." "And vans can haul their own weight." "We had to buy local licence plates." "Sure enough, they were green." "The bureaucrat made us happy." "601 is the type number of our Trabants." "After some trying hours at the customs anything makes you happy." "But the licence plates weren't the only thing we had to buy." "We have to pay for a personal guide and a plainclothes policeman." "Officially they are there to protect us but in reality they watch us so that we don't indulge in any subversive activity." "And don't deviate from the route, and sleep where we are told." "This is our deluxe Libyan hotel." "The only downside is we don't sleep in there but out here in this sand pit." "But we saw the inside later and it was no great loss." "They locked us in here and the lights are shinning on us." "They can't be switched off, Gadhafi himself probably controls it." "We stopped here because of another defect." "But fortunately it happened in front of the hospital were I was born 27 years ago." "I don't remember much about it, but it should be here." "Tajura hospital." "It is only 49,3 degrees centigrade now." "We already had 50 degrees." "And the temperature is still rising." "It is not easy to shake off the guards." "But we have the Trabants." "A whole day spent repairing them got rid of them." "The policeman dissapeared saying:" ""You don't need any protection."" "The guide Massud stayed a little longer." "But then he also lost patience." "He took our passports and went to the border ahead of us." " What did he say?" " To pass the checkpoints slowly and smile." "And to call him if we get stopped." " AI Madar." " So when we get arrested, we have this cellphone." "We are free so far." "It's not easy to rebel in the middle of the desert." "We turn off the main road at the first chance." "But it's no good." "The bar is empty like everything else." "Because of Ramadan." "From dawn until sunset the Muslims can't eat, drink, have sex and so on." "They can, though, when it gets dark." "When it's not possible to tell which thread is white and which is black." "And we thought there were only green threads in Libya." "We are cracking open some nonalcoholic beer during Ramadan." "In between the Trabants and on the quiet." "Finally I know what the cars are good for!" ""Allah is great, but make sure you tie your camel to a post." Arab saying" "After six hours of negotiation we got Egyptian licence plates." "They are quite battered by the way." "The advantage of these plates is they have holes to attach them." "The technical control meant a small paper from the emission terminal." "But the part measuring the emissions was missing." "It cost 480 EUR to let these two tiny cars enter the country." "It would be cheaper to buy them here." "They are just Egyptians." "Yet at school they are trained to say:" ""Welcome back, welcome to Egypt, hello mister, hello money."" "He was speaking about getting out to Egypt all the way through Libya." "Egypt has shown us how one hundred years of intensive tourism can wipe out common sense and decency." "We don't want to stay here long." "All we have to do is get visas for Sudan." "No, no money." "I won't give you anything." "Hi!" "Ciao!" "It's really nice to drive in Cairo." "You don't look into mirrors, you don't brake and you just blow the horn." "It's a bit of an adrenaline sport but it's great." "I don't know what happens if I drive like this in Rrague." "Second week in Cairo." "That's not how we imagined it." "We are besieging the Sudan embassy but we still don't have the visas." "At least we found a treasure." "The real Cairo." "We found it hidden behind a hole in a 14th century aqueduct." "This aqueduct separates ordinary dirty Cairo from the extraordinarily dirty Cairo." "Unlike near the pyramids, we felt welcome here." "We walked through tons and tons of rubbish." "All of that rubbish was quite photogenic." "You pass through the aqueduct and there is just rubbish and nice people everywhere." "As you can see, English is not a problem even for the youngest ones." "And those who don't talk at least aim a plastic pistol at us." "These plastic pistols are the top selling toys of this year's Eid al-Fitr." "The Muslim holiday that marks the end of Ramadan." "An amusement park is here!" "There are no electronic rides." "The carousels are held together only by the good will of their owners and they get turned by their muscles." "When you hit the target at the range your reward is an exploding squib." "The musclemen send a small cart loaded with old wheel rims and a boy up the hill." "Whoever wants to beat them must get a stouter child." "And instead of candy floss you can taste a yam." "A potato." "Sugar cane is nice." "I like it but some don't." "It's hard to compare it to anything but it's good." "Not everything was good that evening." "Ales left for Rrague because his father died." "We hope he'll come back again." "We agreed to pick him up in Ethiopia, Tanzania or Kenya." "We'll see." "This is Egypt." "You weave your way through children, rickshaws, horses, donkeys, trucks, bikes, donkeys, horses, mopeds, cars, buses and everything else." "And there are these great speed bumps so that we can't drive quickly." "There is going to be one here." "One - two - three - now!" "And this one was rather small." "We are getting out of Cairo!" "After long 14 days we finally have the Sudan visas." "And they did it on the spot!" "What wasn't possible in Europe was possible in Africa." "At least some things work here." "And some things don't..." "It's not like almost seized up, it's just seized up." "Oh mine, this should be free-running there." "These 3 rings originally looked like this." "And the roller bearings are all over the engine now." "They flew out and got burnt onto things." "We've got lots of spare parts with us but of course we don't have this." ""Insha'Allah." - "God willing." Arab wish" "We won't be in Cape Town in 2 months." "We've been stuck in Cairo almost 3 weeks." "Somehow it doesn't make us nervous." "We take it like Africans - it will be fine." "While Dan and Klara are solving the puzzle of the jammed engine" "Pavel and Martin hit the road for the inland oases and the White Desert." "They found themselves on a different planet." "In the middle of bright white phantasmagoric geological formations." "The wind carrying heavier and sharper grains near the earth creates mushrooms, lion heads and spaceships." "The wind grinds the rocks this way and creates weird statues." "Welcome to Sahara, my friend." "Would like a camel ride?" "Meanwhile a small miracle is happening in Cairo." "The vice ambassador himself brought us the bearing we needed and Egu's engine fixed in the embassy kitchen rose from the dead." "We love this damn continent." "Let's go on!" " No, no..." " Sorry." "We are finally getting close to the place where we could get into Sudan." "We finally got to the ship." "But this ship probably can't carry cars." "I fear the cars'll be on some platform behind the ship and we'll have to check whether it's still there." "But we are here." "And dealing with the customs was surprisingly easy." "It took a long time but it wasn't complicated." "We won't go and check on the cars." "The cars are going the next day." "They'll go alone, on their own Titanic." "Reliably attached so that they can't fall off." "The boat tickets for us and the cars cost about 320 EUR." "The good thing is the food is included." "Very traditional food." "We had super beans with more grease than beans." "But together with that tasteless bread it was edible." "After 18 hours long cruise we got to Wadi Halfa." "A small place in the southernmost corner of Sudan." "There is desert everywhere." "This is what we've been waiting for." "The customs officer asked us whether we believed in Darwin's evolutionary theory." "After some thought we said we didn't." "Correct answer." "Another stamp for our passports." "We've got a really nice room for four." "Instead of our cars we repair our clothes." "They are falling apart after a month on the road." "Super!" ""Mafi mushkilah!" - "No problem!" Arab saying" "After two hot nights spent in the courtyard our Trabants arrive." "There's no way to unload them but the main thing is they stayed above water." "The best is yet to come." "The captain is looking for a place where the cassion would be level with the wharf." "One would think he's doing it for the first time." "After an hour of mad darting around the port he feels satisfied." "Hooray!" "We are in Sudan." "And with our cars." "It was lucky we loaded and unloaded them ourselves." "The 20 metres from wharf to boat plus some help from the dockworkers was enough." "The Swiss travellers' Nissan had a dead engine and ripped tyre." "Welcome to the real Africa." "And the dream is here." "Hundreds of kilometers of dusty roads." "The lying maps." "Where there should be a highway there is nothing." "Outside of the towns we have no idea where we are." "The Trabant is not a terrain car." "So it can get stuck almost everywhere." "The only way not to get stuck is to keep going." "At full throttle." "Even that doesn't always help." "But we can carry our small car where we need to and get stuck again 100 meters down the road." "We are not the only ones who have problems." "The roads are testing even for the skilled old hands in multi-coloured trucks providing a connection across this roadless land between North and Central Sudan." "Stopping and starting we finally got to the of bank of the river Nile." "We finally got here." "It's much more beautiful than back in Cairo." "It's green and clean." "And there are no crazy Arabs but nice Nubians." "The engineer of low-voltage electronics who got his degree in Khartoum was discomforted by the camera." "But he makes excellent tea and lives in a beautiful house." "If you want to see how to make something from nothing, go there." "There is newspaper instead of wall tiles, fire place instead of kitchen-stove and dried dates instead of candy." "It's so hard." "When you buy it at home, it's more watery." "There should be a road but there isn't any..." "All I'm saying is I just hope we'll end up better than this bus." "One, two, three!" "Near the Nubian pyramids we made one important discovery:" "One Trabant is not able to pull another from the sand." "Let's hope it won't be our undoing." "It's just us, desert, and the pyramids here." "Nowhere else can you see pyramids like this." "We finally got to Meroe." "To the most famous pyramids in black Sudan." "We don't want to convince you that Sudan is an easygoing country." "It's better when there are no people so that the romantics can find the old Egypt they know from adventure stories." "Should you want a souvenir this caravan will bring it to you." "They found us in the middle of nowhere to quietly offer us their goods." "The following hundreds of kilometres are just dust, asphalt, dust..." "And some strange sounds coming from the front wheel." "Ripped out screws holding the rim are not good news." "The palm trunk serves as a jack and our traditional welding ritual can start." "A ritual that will repeat itself many times during ourjourney." "There is an ancient diesel engine rattling behind our backs." "We thought it generated electricity." "But it' s a flour-mill." "A typicall African mill." "Khartoum - a city with a reputation." "It doesn't aspire to be on a UNESCO list, but there's no need to be afraid, is there?" "It's not as bad as it looks on TV." "It's OK." "He calls me buddy and his name's Megdí." "I have to lose 5 sizes to wear these trousers." "They don't sell patches here." "He's just double backed it and is stitching it for the third time." "We keep losing weight on the way so we don't say no to a titbit." "Peeled sugar cane." "You chew it, it tastes like something between melon and wood." "We bought an extension cable, a plug and a key size no.13 so that we can change the carburator." "We are at the threshold of black Africa." "The earthen houses are replaced by the straw huts." "Whoever wants to built one goes here." "You just pick the right mat." "It's like a rolled up studio flat." "It's raining." "We haven't seen it here yet." "It seems we'll be following the rainy season though by now it should have been over." "It stopped raining in Ethiopia." "But the change of religions improved the refreshments." "There's no prohibition here, so we can drink this Saint George's beer." "It's a pity I don't drink beer, I'd have some too." "It's just a beer." " So what do you say?" " It's good enough." "If you're looking for contrast, come to the border between Sudan and Ethiopia." "On one side, the hell of a thousand shades of yellow sand." "On the other, an eden of a million patterns of green." "It is a different world with different people." "All the country is situated on plateaus, so it is wet and fertile here." "We are ascending to a height of some 3000 metres above sea-level." "Here, trees and grass grow even that high up on the flat tops of the Ethiopian highlands." "We must get used to hearing "jujujuju" all the time here." "Children as well as grown-ups hoot it at us." "They get on our bonnets and on our nerves, but that's how it goes here." "They seem exotic to us, we seem exotic to them." "But table football and table tennis are evidently international entertainment." "We eat the same food as locals." "We presume they don't want to get sick." "We chose a small pub propped up by a forgotten tank." "The Ethiopian national dish is injera." "A sour flat bread we didn't like much." "We mix flour with water and then leave the dough to rest so that it gains some taste." "We bake the bread in this pan." "It's best with a spicy sauce." "Ethiopian food is really odd." "You can unroll it like this and it's a really big pancake." "And we know two Ethiopian words. "Ju." And "Amesege 'nallo" which we always forget." "And we can say "ciao"." "But we already could say it in Italy, so it doesn't count." "Ciao!" "Ciao!" "That's easy, isn't it?" ""Amesege'nallo"" " Thank you in Amharic language "Ciao"" " Ciao in Amharic language" "Ethiopia is an orthodox Christian country." "They have beer and also monasteries and churches." "There are or there were 19 of them on the small islands of lake Tana." "That's a good xylophone." "Ethiopian churches are as odd as everything else here." "They are round and consist of two parts." "The outer part is public and the inner part is only for the clergy." "It is said that there is a replica of the Ark of the covenant inside." "Reportedly there is even the real one somewhere." "But we couldn't check." "The doors leading to the forbidden place are carved out of the Warka tree." "The oldest and biggest tree in Ethiopia with life span of more than 2000 years." "This drum is made of wood and there are 3 stones inside." "These stones symbolize the Holy Trinity." "This is Jesus and this is Mary." "The ink used to make these religious paintings is made of flowers." "And this is not a paper but a goatskin." "While there is a ritual taking place in the churches since dawn we practice our favourite ritual." "Repairing our Trabant." "Babu has problems with brakes during hellish downhill runs." "The Ethiopians are really good at staring at foreigners for many hours." "They just stand, stare and the time passes." "We got used to it." "We are simply a curiosity here." "The wipers are wiping, lights are lighting and brakes are braking." "It's about as good as it can be." "The longer we're here the less we care." "We've been looking for the Blue Nile Falls for a day." "The first stone bridge in Ethiopia from 17th century led us there." "The 45 metres high falls are called Tis Issat here." "That means Smoking water." "And we know why." "The waterfall is great." "I almost broke my leg there, I almost broke my arm there, all our money is wet, my passport is soaking." "But that's what it's all about." "Ethiopia has beautiful panoramic views." "But what comes up must come down." "It's not unusual to go straight down from a height of 3000 metres to 1600 metres above sea level." "Holy cow!" "Lucky we filled up the brake fluid." "We have a "perfect" car." "It doesn't go uphill and downhill it usually doesn't brake." "And when it does brake, it starts to burn." "It must cool down now." "Then we'll have to find some lever." "We'll have to find some lever." "Here in virgin Ethiopia." "We mustn't break it." "It seems it was really easy." "One, two, three." "Hell!" "The lining is completely burned." "Just completely." "We said we'd check it back in Awassa but you said it wasn't a problem to go with it." " It wasn't a problem 'cause it used to brake." " So don't tell me you told me so." " You didn't want to check it." " So it's my fault." " No, it's not your fault." " Yes, it is." " No." "We must get new lining." "They should know how to do it here." "They should speak English in Addis." "We won't understand them elsewhere." "We crossed the African Alps with only three braking wheels and we got to the capital city Addis Ababa where streets have three names." "We were looking for a garage." "We were about to give up when Africa saved us." "We met a native who asked us in Slovak what it was we needed." "He showed us the garage with a willing ownerjust around the corner." "Ethiopia is a land of miracles." "It stinks like a skunk." " Don't brake so much and let it go." " I am." "I stop only when there is a hole." " OK then." "Just let it go." "Go across the holes." " I am letting it go." " Otherwise the brakes will burn." " I am letting it go." "Honestly." "No, you aren't." "Otherwise you'd go as fast as we go." "I just don't speed up on the flat as much as you do." " No, you just don't let it go dowhill." " I do." "We go 90 km/h downhill, you find it slow?" "See!" ""No brakes." "No fear." Trabant goes to Africa." " Hello Reople in Need." " Hello Trabants." "You sometimes run into somebody who asks you for 1 EUR, to build a school in Africa." "So this is the school." "We want to build a school so that they can get good education." "So we build these buildings with windows." "Local schools sometimes don't have them." "And this is a brick building and there are desks and chairs inside which is also not so common here." "Children learn by memorizing here." "It's a little bit strict." "They don't participace during the lesson much." "So we teach the teachers new teaching methods." "The children should actively participate." "They should get involved more, they should be motivated to improve." "Children and felt tip pens just go together." "But we offer our cars instead of paper." "This way we get something special." "The first Trabant to cross Africa with stories of local children on its bonnet." "We've just never seen the markers again." "And the children have never seen a sky lantern before." "We expected anything but their fearful flight after we launched one." "The stickers and pins made them come back." "Then a school caretaker tried to restore order with a cane, to no effect." "We completely ruined the lessons in RIN's nineth school, so let's leave it to the teachers again and run away like cowards." "It is nice to see first hand work with a purpose." "If there is any aid to Africa that makes sense, it is building schools." "Education is what Africa needs the most." "Ras David Lumumba is the uncrowned king of Shashamane - the capital of Rastafarianism." "This charismatic man promotes peace and love through marihuana smoke." "He has 4 wives on four continents." "New York, Jerusalem, Tokyo and here." "The Ethiopian wife is showing us another local miracle." "She roasts green coffee beans, crushes them and boils the powder." "Then she does something unexpected." "She boils the coffee dregs again." "Twice more." "Those who don't find this strong enough chew the Khat leaves." "A drug somewhat stupefying and somewhat stimulating." " It tastes like chewing leaves." " Should it have a taste?" " It should have some effect." " I see, OKthen." "But time passes in a dangerously different way here." "So we muster all our courage and head back to reality." "Yet we are taking some of Lumumba's philosophy with us." "It will come in handy." "Wherever you go, this will always be your home." "Ras David Lumumba." "Ouch, stop it!" "Hi!" "I wanted to give you a cookie, let go!" "Do you want a cookie?" "Here - have some." "We thought that nobody would get excited by a hippo here." "But this proves that it's not only whites who like to watch hippos." "We got used to the excitement of Africans over little things as we got used to the African climate." "Less than 20 degrees is freezeing cold." "70% humidity." "It was really cold in the morning then it crept up to 15 degrees." "I tried two beds for girls while staying at RIN, minus the girls, but with Simek in one of them and I forgot my sleeping bag there." "Including the fleas." "Maybe the flea lived in that sleeping bag and that solved the problem." " They said you caught the flea from the children." " So it's in good humanitarian hands now." "The flea is fine but we are not." "We don't have any fuel." "The dealers are waiting for the government to set the new price and nobody's selling." "Except on the black market." "But trading is a bit tougher there." " I'm Moravian." " Hi, Moravian." " Hi, I'm black." " And where have you been in Bohemia?" " Moravia, I studied farming there." " In Brno?" " Yes, in Brno." " We need gas." "Is it possible to buy gas somewhere?" "We found it only on the black market." " Well, we've got a problem here." " We'd buy it, wejust don't know where." "It's a simple dip stick - this is 20." "If this is 20, this would be full, OK?" "They tried to rip us off last time." "They wanted to give us 20 instead of 25." "However 1 litre usually costs 12 birrs and they sell it for 30 birrs." "If you haven't cheated me the canister should be full." "Well, I don't know if it's 20." "Ah, so this is the way you steal..." "Come on, he doesn't understand." "No, he does." "He poured in 18 litres." "And he sells us 18 as 20." "Or he won't sell at all." "Because that's the way it goes." "And then they ask for humanitarian aid because they're all students and orphans." "While Ethiopia was the great unknown for us we were sure Kenya couldn't surprise us." "The modern tourist centre of Africa." "A state where there is nothing to fear." "The opposite was true." "We had the hardest part of ourjourney ahead of us." "Trans African Highway - an impassable road across a land of bandits hidden in the woods." "Welcome to Kenya." "Kenya looks worse than Kazakhstan." "It was terrible in Kazakhstan but it was just dust there." "Here, it's mud everywhere." "And they say this is the good road." "We'vejust been told that it's impossible to get through with these cars." "We're supposed to load them on a truck and they're going to transport us like 250 km." "The bad news is they want 500 dollars for one car but we really don't have it." "So I don't know what to do." "Everyone keeps saying we're not gonna make it." "But 800 EUR for 200 km is too much." "We'll see." "Welcome to Kenya." "After half a day quarreling with drivers and their middlemen all high on khat we managed to negotiate half price." "500 dollars for both of the cars." "The biggest mistake of the expedition is about to happen." "There has to be 200 of them here!" "Someone bloody stole our security wrench!" "And they keep repeating: "Sorry."" "Look, that's enough!" "You tell a black guy to let out some air and he deflates the tyre completely." "I don't need a pressure gauge I need it to be inflated, you fool." "Goddam!" "Don't you tie anything with that." "We agreed I would give you 30." "15 and 15." "I gave you 35." " It's all?" " Yes, that's all." " And rope?" " I don't want a rope, it's yours." "I don't need 20 ropes." "I have a lot of my own ropes, I don't need ropes." " But you will buy it." " You buy it, I don't buy it." "And loading?" "I drive my car inside where is there some loading?" "!" "You don't take my car by your hands, no loading!" "And commission, my commission?" "They put us on a truck driven by a driver who has never been here before" "And they asked 10000 for that." "There is no place we could unload it." "And one car bangs against the other." "We'll destroy more things here than we'd have destroyed..." "Shit!" "... if we went by road." "We are fed up." "We keep arguing with each other though it's nobody's fault." "So now we have to make a ramp here so that we can unload the cars ourselves." "What was that supossed to mean?" "That Allah will help us unload the Trabant." "It was hard to find a Styrofoam stone in Africa but I managed." "After 3 days of desperate rattling across mere 200 km we are back on terra firma." "I think 80 percent of the road we went on the truck was passable for us." "There were places that did look impassable." "On the outside we broke everything." "Luckily nothing is broken inside the cars." "This fender." "I don't know whether it's worth putting back." "With filigree maker's craft, clock-maker's accuracy and tender loving care the chief is fixing his car." "I've got flu." "Don't worry, it's not malaria, it's just flu." "A female mosquito carries this disease." "It's necessary to watch out for females in general." "Let's go!" "The road ahead is much worse." "We struggle along the famous Trans African Highway." "Reportedly Trabants don't stand a chance here." "But we're glad we're no longer on the truck." "If we were, the Trabants would barter one another to bits." "I followed in your tracks and I heard something like a cannon shot." " Shit!" " The connector pipe is fucked and the exhaust." "What about the exhaust?" "Really bloody great!" "During the uselless ride on that cool truck the bolt holding the cover plate got unscrewed." "The moment Babu hit the first big stone it broke away." "The stone ran under the length of Babu and wrecked the pipe and silencer." "So now we had to dismantle it all." "Oddly enough we managed to repair it." "We'll see how long it'll last." "It's a beautiful country of milk and honey, but full of hidden stones." " And ostriches." " And ostriches." "And our lost screws." "And there are monkeys." "I haven't seen a monkey, but the antelopes tried to steal my toilet paper." "But I bravely chased them away." " Even though they were this tall..." " It was a baby antelope." "But they ran away and I was able to finish my business." "Let's go, we've got an hour to dusk." "Let's get there in time for dinner." "You could've been as famous as our leader but you ran out of the shot." "I don't want to be that famous." "It could go to my head." "We were warned not to travel at night." "We don't know whether it's foolhardy." "But we don't have a choice." "We go." "The bandits we were threatened with luckily didn't show up." "Don't touch this." "It's the most dangerous welder we saw so far." "And we saw many." "I think we'd better take the main road." "Just to be sure." " At least we have a chance there'll be asphalt." " Well, there should be some." " Whereas here, there probably won't be any." " OK." ""TIA"" " This is Africa." "African saying" "We thought the equator would be in the middle of nowhere with a monkey on a stick but it is such a nice tourist attraction." "The shops are numbered from 1 to 31." "This billboard looks quite old." "So it's probably authentic." "The water goes down the plughole in different directions on different hemispheres." "Clockwise on the Northern hemisphere." "We are on the Southern hemisphere now." "20 meters from the equator is enough and the water turns anti-clockwise." "And right on the equator it doesn't turn at all." "Can you see?" "Nothing happens." "We're buying provisions and going to Tanzania." "It's a land of policemen who wish you a pleasantjourney instead of fining you." "Tanzania was finally the Africa we dreamt about." "Gee!" "Shoot that!" "Africa with wild animals and with Kilimanjaro hidden in the clouds." "A few hundreds km further, in Tarangire we broke another taboo." "The one that you can't go into a nature park without a four wheel drive." "Anyway, our two Trabants have got four wheel drive." "Two each." "I'm very happy." "We've got our Trabant in a national park." "That's a first!" "The animals can finally see something really exotic." "2 Trabants in the middle of the African wilderness." "The elephants, giraffes and the lions were unimpressed." "Unlike us." "We were excited even over a turtle drinking from a puddle." "And we could pick it up and carry it away from the road." "Oh, this monkey is brazen." "I wanted to stab it with my big knife but it was too quick." "This group of Dutch travellers who've spent the last 20 years travelling the world know how to get about too." "Even in clogs." ""Happy Safari."" " African wish" "Our progress at night was halted by a terribly bad road." "But this time it's possible to bypass it on asphalt." "It's almost the same as travelling from Prague to Berlin via Warszaw." "What a brilliant idea." "We are turning around and leaving." "Ravel said we couldn't get through here but I didn't listen to him." " Well, it's not possible." " Wow, it's like corrugated iron." "We appreciate every kilometre of asphalt and we practice driving on the left." "Driving on the left started in Kenya and will last to the Republic of South Africa." "Except for the Tanzania-Zambia border, where we were forced to overtake a long column of trucks on the right." "Yeah, it will be OK." "After Tanzania, almost Europe-like, we are back in Africa." "The amount of papers and customs stamps is unbelievable." "Most of the Zambian officers shut their windows on us." "Thanks to a big argument we manage to reduce the price and pay not in US dollars, but in the local Zambian Kwachas." "Our extravagant Trabants were a big help." "With just a third of necessary permits we enter the country semi-legally." "The North of Zambia is covered in endless forests." "It's a forest wilderness, with villages huddled in tiny clearings." "We can't grow much, but we have to make a living." "We make charcoal." "We cut down a tree, chop it up." "We bury the logs and set fire to them." "Then wejust watt till it turns to charcoal, and we sell it by the road." "No brakes." "No fear." "The African cuisine is not varied." "When we do come across a speciality, like these dried caterpillars, it's not very popular." "I'm your friend caterpillar." " It doesn't have any legs." " The legs got stuck to the body." "I've already bitten off its head and its bum." " And what's inside?" " Nothing." "Just eat it." " Yuck!" " It's like chips." "It doesn't taste of anything." "You must chew more then it has some taste." "It's salty." " But what's inside?" " Don't think about it." " Eeech, yuck!" "It's got head, legs and black spots on it's arse." "I don't like it at all." ""Hakuna matata!" - "No problem!" Swahili saying" "Small towns in the forest wilderness evoke the Wild West." "There is a bank, a brothel and a Bata store in every one of them." "But there is no gas here." "Everyone uses diesel." "We must clean the tank valve so we can get the most out of the fuel and get as far as possible." "They should have gas some hundred km further on." "By the way these swarms can also be fried and eaten." "They are really willing, they want to help, they are really kind, they try." "But if they weren't here it'd be easier." "They help you, when you don't need any help." "And when you do need it they don't know what to do." "If you understood me now you wouldn't be my friend anymore." "Though this one really is an exception." "He knows what he's doing." "I'll come to your country one day." "I'll come." "No, I have never seen snow before." "I know it just from TV." "A banana tree in blossom, I have never seen that before." "Yuck!" "It's not nice." "But once it's a banana, it will be good." "It's oozing a really sweetjuice." "I'm all sticky now." "Dust, sweat and oil are sticky and now even the bananas." "We got used to falling asleep dirty, but this beautiful waterfall pleases us." "But it's nothing compared to the waterfalls ahead where a cubic km of roaring water falls 100 metres down every second." "The Victoria Falls." "Unfortunately no one told us it looks like that only during the rainy season." "It's a small waterfall." "Not waterfalls but a waterfall." "We can either buy a photo with roaring water and pretend we took it." "Orjust admit that's the way the Falls look." "We can walk where otherwise we would get swept away by the river Zambezi." "We found the Victoria Fall." "There is more water on the Zimbabwean side but they won't let it flow here." "But we found a pool here, it's not so bad." "It's more like a Victoria bathtub." "We don't have such a nice bath at home." "And there is also a really good shower down there." ""Muzungu."" " An aimless traveller, in Swahili a universal term for a white person" " So we found Emil Holub." " Where is your helmet?" "Livingstone has other features besides waterfalls." "There is the statue of Emil Holub." "The author of their first map." "You might expect this man in Africa, what you don't expect is another Trabant." "The German expat Hartmut Papenfus has one here." "Luckily it came here just from Tanzania." "So our yellow pair is still the first to cross the whole of Africa." "And we gained another first." "Klara cooked the first dumplings in the history of this camp." "They don't have proper flour or yeast here." "I never expected to eat such good pork with dumplings in Zambia." " Fantastic." " Böhmische Knödel, number one." "We must make an important decision." "Our Botswana visas have expired." "Unlike in Ethiopia and Namibia we didn't renew them." "And even Hartmut says the route we've chosen is impassable." " These 300 km will be like 700 km in Namibia." " We know that." "Namibia 'll be quicker and cheaper, Botswana 'll be more expensive and time consuming." " And that's what it's all about." "It ain't easy." " But it's Botswana." "We decided to go through Botswana but along a safer route." "The original route has fords with such high water a Trabant would drown." "We don't need to wade across the Zambezi." "We use an old ferry." "On the other bank we ask for visas." "Which the officers shouldn't officially issue." "On top of that we don't even have Botswana currency to pay." "After an illegal trip inland to a bank we have a result." "A compulsory disinfection and we enjoy another country with free range elephants." "Another elephant." "More monkeys." "All the time, monkeys, elephants and giraffes." "Ahead lies the last leg of our trip, and along with Ethiopia the most beautiful country on ourjourney." "Namibia." "A country where you can find the luxurious version of Africa, a few thousand km to South Africa and the end of ourjourney:" "Cape Agulhas." "It's interesting you can go 70 km/h here." "Maybe even faster but we can't go that fast." "This corrugated surface is amazing." "I hope we don't lose a wheel." "Or steering." "The wheel is making an odd noise but we don't know why." "When I grow up I'll buy a big jack." "The handbrake is on but I can turn it with one hand." "We should make it with that." "We could check it out again later." "But now it's OK." "We're probably in some mountains." "We tried to go up but we got stuck in the middle." "The hills don't look so steep when you photograph them." "This is the leader's tent, it's fine." "We are trying to find something not covered in dust, but we can't." "The way through the passes in the dark gets really dangerous." "Better to sleep on it." "Cofee, tea, bread, jam and repairs." "Every morning so far." "We tried to fix Babu's broken brake in the back wheel, again." "We washed and patched up the flags fluttering on the roofs since Prague." "But both the cars have problems." "Egu has trouble with the gearbox." "The 4th gear can be used only when it's hot." "You have it in 4th gear?" "They're blocking us, they don't have it in 4th." "And they can't hear us." "But they're playing my favourite song." "Thank you." "Luckily it is hot enough in the desert so we can use even 4th gear." "We get to the red sand dunes of Sossusvlei in the Namib desert." "It's one of the oldest deserts in the world that stretches to the Atlantic." "The word Namib is of Nama origin and means "open space"." "When sitting on the top of the sand mountains we understand why." "When it rains the water rushes wildly through the dry river-bed taking down everything in its way." "Then it dries up again." "Good morning Africa." "Martin spurned this beautiful comb." "It still has 24 and half teeth left." "No. 24 and three quarters." "Otherwise it's TIA here." "When we woke up the sun was rising and a herd of zebras was grazing over there." "Anyone who thinks I look like a fool is quite right." "The closed gate scared us a bit." "Fortunately there was a big sign:" "The road is free." "Just close the gate so that the cattle don't get out." "We found these western-style pumps here." "It's science in motion." "It's just a lever there and a piston that goes like this." "It's nice and easy." "If we said this was Australia everybody would believe us." "We don't even have to go there." "The shipping would be really expensive." "And it's nice here." ""The diamond thief harms everyone." "Report all suspicious persons."" "Warning on the way to the diamond mines." "We are running out of money and there are diamonds lying everywhere." "Wejust can't get at them - it's all a forbidden zone from here to the south." "On the border of this zone is Kolmanskop." "A ghost town." "Abandoned luxury villas in the middle of the desert." "In a spookily beautiful atmosphere of ruin and transience." "The silence is disturbed only by lizards and the whisper of old wallpaper." "The desert takes back what belongs to it and we don't object." "As long as it lets us pass through." "When the diamond rush started the city rose up in the middle of desert in one single year." "The foremen used to live here in these luxury summer residences." "But the mine was closed during the Great Depression." "They found a better field on the Orange River in 1933." "Now the diamonds are running low inland and people hope to find them in the sea." "We are at a railway station." "It'll be open tommorow at six but a man with a baton in his hand said:" ""Why don't you go under the fence?"" "The trains don't go from here but the station is beautiful." "All of Luderitz is beautiful." "There are magnificient houses among dilapidated industrial halls." "And the grey-white desert is meeting the shiny blue Atlantic." "After almost quarter of a year we can see the sea again." ""A real man does not rape!" Writing on a wall by a 12 year old girl" "I hope I get to see the Czech Republic someday." " It's close to Denmark." " That's also in Europe but more northward." "Welcome to Keetmanshoop." "Where we learned our last African lesson." "Even if you have it really bad, you can laugh." "And:" "We don't have it really bad in the Czech rep." "HIV-positive women make souvenirs in a protected workshop run by People in Need." "They have a job and one day the workshop will be theirs." "PIN runs even more projects here." "Not very visible but even more important." "We run three projects." "1." "U-khai Yelula works with small groups, informing them and arranging grants." "2nd project:" "Preventing the transmission of HIVfrom mother to child." "Third project is focused on promotion of human rights and healthcare for homosexual minorities." "I'm fine here, I don't want to go home at all." "I always dreamt of becoming an aid worker." "But you don't know until you try it." "I was afraid that it wouldn't be for me." "That it wouldn't be easy." "But it's fine." "And when this mission is over" "I hope there would be even more missions." "Though there are moments when I feel like locking the door throwing away the key and going home." "But that's like every job, isn't it." "Is he on strike or what?" "The fist in the air is a SWARO party symbol." "He isn't on strike, it's just an election campaign." "The elections are coming." "Allegedly it may not be safe in the township." "But we spent a lot of time there and we didn't feel unwelcome." "It's more like we don't like townships." "They originated in the era of Apartheid as the areas for non-whites." "They are usually away from main roads and cities." "Jason grew up here." "Later he was a refugee and student in the Czech Republic." "He liked Czech Republic." "Oh, the girls in Czech Republic!" "You know." "Each one is just different and you just must chat with each of them." "Here, there's just two or three nice girls in the whole city." "Or even none." "But in Bohemia every girl is nice." "Except those who are dead or something." "I used to sleep with every girl I liked but here we've got AIDS." "It's been six years since I had sex." "I declared a holy war on these women." "I sometimes play with them but no kissing." "Maybe one kiss but no fucking so it's hell for me here." "Thank you very much." "It was nice to have you here." "We don't have much fun or company here, so we really appreciated it." "Veronika?" "Yes, you're great but there's not enough of you." "Riss off!" ""The drivers ofTrabants are the coolest drivers in the world." A man whojumped out of a ditch" "We are at the end." "Starting on the last thousand kilometres." "This journey taught us a lot." "Things will never be the same again." "Maybe we shouldn't try to change Africa." "And we can learn from it, too." "Mainly that things will get better." "Even if it doesn't seem that way." "The Egu's engine seizes up a couple of days before leaving." "Life has a strange sense of humour." "What am I going to do with it here." "I can do nothing here." "Absolutely nothing." "I don't have a single component." "It turns but I don't know what the problem is." "There's oil flowing from it so whether it's the cylinders or the connecting rods, I have no idea." "Ah, it's those two bloody bearings." "That's what it's all about." "That it's not easy." "But everytime it breaks down you think it'd be better if it was easy." "Now we have to make it." "It's just one thousand kilometres." "When they tell you it's not possible - try it." "When they tell you it will get worse - don't believe them." "When you realize your dream it will be different than you imagined." "And you will be glad of that." "Shit!" "The indicator is busted." "He must be taking the piss." "You've been practising that, haven't you." "We were breaking something all the time." "And Ravel thought nothing more could get broken." "So not to break with our routine, he had to break something, here, on the southernmost tip of Africa." "We travelled 19,201 km from Rrague to the Cape Agulhas." "That's pretty good, isn't it?" "AND WHO SAYS IT CAN'T BE DONE..." "Prague" " Cape Town, 19640 km, 14 countries, 3 months, 2389 litres of gas, 6,5 litre/km, 385 km/day, maximal temperature: 53°C."