"So, why were you rolling around in Cyprion cactus?" "You know Rebecca Smith?" "The new Tactical officer?" "We took a walk in the arboretum." "We sat down, we got comfortable." "Things got a little romantic, and then I rolled over." "Ow!" "Blurred vision and dizziness uh, palpitations... a stinging sensation in the lower spine." "It's Terellian Death Syndrome, isn't it?" "I thought we agreed you'd come to me before checking Starfleet Medical Database." "Yes, well, this time, I'm glad I did." "Because maybe we can stop the cellular decay before it's too late." "Reg, you don't have Terellian Death Syndrome." "Are you... you're sure?" "I'm sure." "Then maybe it is Symbalene Blood Burn." "No." "No." "I don't see anything wrong with you at all." "Wait a minute." "There is a slight imbalance in your K-3 cell count." "My K-3s?" "Oh, no." "Barclay, I'm sure it's nothing." "Look, I'll run a microcellular scan." "We'll see." "This will take a couple of minutes." "Nurse Baldwin, I need that hemotoxin series on Ensign Brooks right away." "How's my smallest patient doing?" "I believe she is doing well." "Her appetite has increased by seven percent and she is beginning to engage in prenatal behavior." "Oh, she is getting close." "You'll have a fresh litter of hungry kittens before the week is over." "Let me just run an amniotic scan to make sure everything's fine..." "Doctor?" "And then I'II..." "Doctor, my capillaries are shrinking." "Excuse me." "Alyssa, can you take care of Spot for a minute?" "Start a preliminary amniotic scan." "Yes, Doctor." "My intravascular pressure... it's going through the roof." "You're right." "It is elevated." "You've also got heightened electrophoretic activity." "Electrophoretic activity." "Is it serious?" "Well, based on this, I'd say you've got... 70, maybe 80 years." "80... 80 years?" "Yes, Reg." "What you've got is a mild case of Urodelean flu." "Now, it's nothing serious." "Most humans have a natural immunity to it." "But the T cell in your DNA that would normally fight off the infection is dormant." "Hmm." "So, you mean, I have bad genes." "You have one dormant gene out of 100,000 and I can activate that gene with a synthetic T cell to let the body fight the infection naturally." "You should feel better in a couple of days." "Thank you, Doctor." "I feel much-much better." "Good!" "Now, stay away from Medical Database." "And you stay out of the arboretum." "Everything looks fine, Data." "You want to know the sex of the kittens?" "I have noticed that many humans prefer not to know in order to experience the surprise during birth." "I believe I will preserve the mystery until then." "I know what you mean." "I don't want to know either." "Alyssa?" "Spot's not the only one who's going to be a mother." "Oh, Alyssa, that's wonderful!" "How did Andrew take the news?" "He was a little shocked, but he's getting over it." "I have spent the past nine weeks as an expectant parent." "I would be happy to share my insights with your husband." "If my experience is any indication he will need all the help he can get." "Space, the final frontier." "These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise." "Its continuing mission... to explore strange new worlds to seek out new life and new civilizations to boldly go where no one has gone before." "Captain's Log, Stardate 47653.2." "We are performing field tests of our new tactical systems and weapon upgrades." "Mr. Worf is supervising the exercises." "The next test will involve the new photon torpedoes." "The explosive yield has been increased by 11%, and I have enhanced the targeting system for increased accuracy." "Sounds fascinating, Mr. Worf." "Please proceed." "Setting targeting coordinates... 005 mark 317, spread pattern delta 94." "Torpedoes armed and loaded, sir." "Fire when ready." "Worf?" "One of the torpedoes has veered off course." "It appears to be a malfunction in the guidance system." "Abort and destroy." "The torpedo is not responding." "Subspace detonator will not engage." "Lock on phasers." "The torpedo is out of range." "Even for your newly improved phasers?" "Maintain a sensor lock on the torpedo, Mr. Worf." "We'll have to go after it." "That would be inadvisable, sir." "The asteroid field is unusually dense." "The Enterprise is too large to safely navigate through it." "Then I'll take a shuttlecraft and retrieve it." "Mr. Data, you're with me." "Captain, the shuttle pilot who's on duty is Lieutenant Hayes." "I happen to be a reasonably qualified pilot, Number One." "Besides, these tests hardly require the Captain's personal attention." "Understood." "Enjoy yourself." "Mr. Worf..." "I think that you should consider analyzing your new guidance system." "Captain, I will need a few minutes to attend to a personal matter." "Me?" "It is possible that it will take several days for Captain Picard and me to complete our mission." "I would prefer to have a human present to supervise the birthing process." "Well, I'd be honored." "Yes... ooh." "I have noticed that you are the only other member of the crew whom Spot seems to like." "Really?" "That's hard to believe." "You're such a sweet little kitty." "She is to you." "However... there have been several injuries to other members of the crew who have attempted to care for Spot." "So, has she, um... picked a place?" "A place?" "Cats usually like to pick a specific location to give birth and it's usually dark and secluded." "And I believe... that this is... it." "I'm curious, sir." "Who's the father?" "I am not certain." "Spot has escaped from my quarters on several occasions and there are 12 male felines on board." "I intend to run a full DNA analysis on the kittens once they..." "Picard to Data." "Report to Shuttle Bay Two." "On my way, sir." "Good-bye, Spot." "I believe you are in good hands." "You have nothing to worry about, sir." "Oh!" "Problem?" "I have performed 13 diagnostics on the weapons array and I can find nothing wrong with the guidance system." "I'll have Geordi run a diagnostic on the torpedo bay itself." "Maybe he can find something." "Must you stand so close to me?" "Lieutenant, are you all right?" "Yes, I'm fine." "No, you're not." "You've been working for six hours straight." "You're tired." "Take a break." "But I..." "That's an order, Lieutenant." "Thanks for waiting." "Do not approach me unannounced especially when I'm eating!" "We were supposed to be having lunch together, remember?" "I was hungry!" "Well, I'm hungry, too." "Excuse me." "Yes?" "Could I have an order of Ongilin caviar?" "Make that a double order." "Certainly." "Caviar?" "For lunch?" "I'm in the mood for something salty." "Besides, it's no stranger than what you're eating." "Have you noticed how dry the air is on this ship?" "I wonder if the environmental controls are set properly." "You're excused." "Here you go." "Mmm." "Is something wrong?" "It has been a difficult day." "The torpedo guidance system failed." "It was my fault." "You always say that." "It was my fault!" "I designed that guidance system!" "Worf, calm down." "I think you're under more stress than you'd like to admit." "Maybe you should get some rest." "Perhaps you are right." "If you will excuse me!" "I didn't mean right now." "We removed the torpedo bay's primary guidance module and we found a power fluctuation in the forward sensor cluster." "Now, we think it may be a radial imbalance in the phase discriminator." "Now, what we want to do next is run a level-4 diagnostic but we're going to have to shut down auxiliary power to 19 decks..." "Wait a minute." "Slow down." "You lost me back there." "Which sensor clusters?" "The forward." "It's..." "It's a power fluctuation in the converter nodes." "It's a minor adjustment." "It's minor." "It's all right here on this diagram, Commander." "Hmm..." "I'll look this over later." "Go ahead... you run your diagnostic." "I'll inform the other departments about the, uh... power systems." "I'll check that." "He's full of energy today." "I can't get him to slow down." "He's been working like that since last night." "It looks like a plasma conduit cut out in junction 17." "I'll go look at it." "Wait a minute, Reg, I'll go with you." "Keep you posted." "Computer, increase ambient temperature by two degrees centigrade and increase relative humidity by ten percent." "Computer, reset environmental controls to standard." "Worf, it's freezing in here." "You have already raised the temperature three times." "It is too hot." "Live with it." "Computer, execute my original command." "I need a bath." "You have the Bridge." "Here we are." "Looks like a ruptured conduit." "No problem." "I'll just bypass it." "Reg, wait a second here." "Take a look at these corroded edges here." "It looks like something has dissolved the bulkhead and eaten right through the conduit." "There are high levels of cholic acid here... enzymatic agents." "You know, I wouldn't be surprised if that solvent was organic." "Maybe we should run a biospectral analysis on the solvent." "Take a closer look." "That's a very good idea." "But first... we should take a break." "You go ahead, sir." "I'll take care of it." "Commander, we received a communication from Starfleet." "They wanted to know when they could expect your performance analysis of the new weapon systems." "The weapon systems?" "Yes, sir." "The ones we've been testing for the past few days?" "That's right." "What should I tell them... sir?" "Tell them... tell them we haven't finished yet." "What are you doing here?" "I had to be near you." "Computer, increase temperature by five degrees." "Get out of that water now!" "Leave me alone!" "Could I have a glass of water?" "It's so cold in here." "Your temperature has dropped almost eight degrees." "I want to run a hypothalamic series right away." "Doctor, we've had three other crew members complaining about the temperature levels." "Some feel like they have fevers." "Others... they're freezing like Counselor Troi." "Call Dr. Selar and Dr. Hacopian." "It looks like we've got some sort of viral infection going on around here." "I want to check on Lieutenant Worf." "Worf, have you had any unusual symptoms lately?" "Headaches?" "Nausea?" "Dizziness?" "Worf?" "Worf, do you hear me?" "I'm going to run a full bioscan." "I want you to lie down." "Okay, we can do this sitting up." "What is this?" "Worf, how long have you had this on your neck?" "It looks like it's full of some bioacidic compound... almost like a venom sac." "Worf... open your mouth." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Get a hypospray." "Right away." "I managed to get her into stasis before the venom paralyzed her." "She's going to need reconstructive surgery but I-I think she'll be all right." "Sir, we've analyzed the venom and compared it to the acidic compound found at junction 17 and on decks ten and 12." "They all have the same enzymatic composition." "You're saying that Worf is spraying this...?" "Venom." "This venom all over the ship?" "I'd say so." "60 crewmen have begun exhibiting strange behavioral changes... memory loss, fatigue, headaches..." "I think one thing is clear." "There's some sort of disease aboard the Enterprise... and it's spreading." "I'm having trouble concentrating myself." "It's like my mind keeps wandering." "I... can't..." "Commander, I've got seven security teams out hunting for Worf, but for some reason the sensors are having a difficult time" "locking on to him." "I've called for a level-2 security alert." "Do you think we should go to a level-1?" "I don't know." "What do you think?" "I think we should." "Okay, sounds good." "Then you'll take care of that... security thing?" "Yes, sir, I will." "Okay." "I'll notify Starfleet." "I'll let them know what's happening." "You have your orders." "Dismissed." "Computer, send a subspace message." "Starfleet Command." "Security channel." "Authorization..." "Alpha-four-seven authorization required to activate security channel." "Computer..." "Awaiting authorization." "Captain's Log, supplemental." "Commander Data and I have recovered the stray torpedo after a three-day search." "We are en route back to the Enterprise." "Captain, the ship is not at the prearranged coordinates." "Have they been delayed?" "I do not know." "I am unable to raise them on any communication channel." "Scan the vicinity." "See if you can find them." "I found it, sir..." "two light-years away." "Set a course." "The Enterprise appears to be adrift." "I am reading power fluctuations on all decks." "Life signs?" "There are life signs." "However, sensor readings are highly distorted." "I am unable to identify specific life-forms." "Adjust the axial stabilizers to match the attitude and rotation rate of the Enterprise." "I'm going to dock the shuttle manually." "Main power is off-line." "All systems are in standby or emergency mode." "There is no response from any manned station." "Any sign of the crew?" "I cannot access internal sensors from here." "We will have to go to the Bridge." "That sounds like animals." "Yes, sir." "I am able to discern over 300 different vocalizations." "Look at this." "It is composed of reptilian DNA." "I believe it is an epidermal layer that has been cast off during molting." "But it seems to be... humanoid." "Yes, sir." "I cannot explain it." "There are no species aboard the Enterprise that shed their skin in this fashion." "Sir." "Hmm." "These are Counselor Troi's quarters." "Can you tell if she's inside?" "No, sir." "Data, I want to have a look in here." "Stand ready." "Whew..." "Environmental settings in these quarters have been altered." "Data, over here." "Deanna..." "What's happened to her?" "Her DNA is in a state of ribocyatic flux." "Her genetic codes are being re-sequenced and her cells are mutating as a result." "At a fundamental level, sir, she is no longer human." "What is she?" "Her respiratory tissue has become capable of metabolizing both water and air and her eyes have developed nictitating membranes." "I believe she is amphibian, sir." "She has been injured." "Yes, sir." "There is Klingon DNA in the wound." "It is saliva." "Are you saying she's been bitten?" "It would appear so." "I will need to run a full biospectral analysis." "First, we've got to get the ship under control." "Let's go to the Bridge." "His upper spinal column has been broken in three places." "It looks as though he's been attacked by an animal." "Yes, sir." "Has his DNA been changed, as well?" "Yes, sir." "However, it was in its initial stages when he died." "Captain..." "I am picking up 1,011 individual life-forms within the ship." "All exhibit a similar genetic flux to the one we observed in Counselor Troi." "So, the entire ship has been affected." "Most of the life-forms are scattered throughout the ship." "However, there are several large concentrations in the arboretum and the aquatic lab." "I've regained attitude control to the ship but main power is still off-line." "It looks as though the entire power transfer grid has been destroyed." "Will?" "Captain." "His cranial plates have thickened by 20%." "His brain is much smaller, sir." "I do not believe he can comprehend our language." "Perhaps we can find a way to communicate." "Will, can you understand what it is that I'm...?" "He looks almost protohuman." "Yes, sir." "His DNA would seem to confirm that observation." "Captain, I believe the crew is de-evolving." "This tranquilizer should keep him unconscious for another seven hours." "What have you found out?" "I have analyzed Commander Riker's DNA structure." "A synthetic T cell has invaded his genetic codes." "This T cell has begun to activate his latent introns." "Introns?" "They are genetic codes which are normally dormant." "They are evolutionary holdovers... sequences of DNA which provided key behavioral and physical characteristics millions of years ago, but are no longer necessary." "For instance, Counselor Troi's gill slits and other amphibious characteristics were derived from introns which still contain amphibious codes." "So, these introns are causing her DNA to recombine in an earlier configuration." "That is correct." "In her case, the DNA has created an amphibious life-form which became extinct over 50 million years ago." "And Commander Riker's introns are changing him into what appears to be one of the earlier hominids." "Yes, sir." "I would say australopithecine." "Each of these stages is another link in the evolutionary chain which stretches back to the origins of all life-forms on Earth." "Because introns can include genetic material from many different species over millions of years of evolution it is possible that a wide variety of transformations is occurring among the crew." "What about those crew members who are not from Earth?" "All humanoid life has a similar genetic pattern." "The virus should work on nonhuman crew members in the same way." "They are each de-evolving into earlier forms of life on their homeworlds." "I feel I must inform you, sir." "You have also been infected by the intron virus." "How long before I begin to change?" "According to my calculations, within the next 12 hours you will begin to exhibit the first signs of your eventual transformation." "And what will that be?" "I believe you will also de-evolve into an earlier form of primate possibly similar to a lemur or pygmy marmoset." "Well... before I begin swinging through the ship" "looking for breakfast we'd better find some answers." "How do we reverse the process?" "I am uncertain." "We will need to run several micro-cellular scans." "However, the ship's main computer has been damaged." "Captain, the computer in my quarters has an independent processing and memory storage unit." "It should not have been affected." "I suggest we start from there." "Agreed." "It would appear that Spot has had her kittens." "They sound hungry." "Yes." "I am curious as to why Spot is not caring for them." "It would seem that the intron virus is not limited to humanoid life-forms." "No, sir." "What is it?" "These kittens were born less than 24 hours ago." "It would appear that Spot's transformation took place at approximately the same time." "So, Spot was giving birth to the kittens at the same time that she was changing into a reptilian life-form." "I believe so." "For some reason, the intron virus was not passed on to the kittens." "I do not know why." "If I remember my biology there are several natural immune systems that come into play in the mother's womb to protect the fetus from viral infections." "That is true." "Placental barriers, maternal antibodies and amniotic fluids all serve as a filtration system." "Maybe we could have inhibited the intron virus by using the natural antibodies in Spot's amniotic fluid." "It would take further research but I believe to be effective on humanoid crew members humanoid antibodies would be necessary." "Then we should locate a pregnant humanoid." "Nurse Ogawa has recently become pregnant." "Where is she?" "I have traced her combadge signal to deck 17, section 21 alpha." "The arboretum." "One of the warp plasma vents has failed." "Main Engineering has been abandoned." "There is no one there to fix the problem." "I can repair the damaged plasma vent from here." "I'm going to check the status of the warp core." "Data!" "What was that?" "I believe it was Lieutenant Barclay." "He appeared to be partially transformed into an arachnid." "A spider?" "Yes, sir." "Are you all right, Captain?" "I have these intense feelings of... fear... and panic." "I feel as if I were being watched." "I can't..." "I can't explain it." "You may be experiencing the initial stages of your transformation." "Early primates were often prey to large carnivores." "As a result, their instincts probably included a heightened sense of awareness." "In that case my instincts tell me that we'd better hurry." "Captain..." "I have analyzed Nurse Ogawa's embryo." "It is unaffected by the virus." "I believe I can use her amniotic fluid as a template for a retrovirus." "It would neutralize the synthetic T cell and reestablish the genetic patterns of each host." "How soon can you do that?" "It will not take long to isolate the appropriate genetic material." "I will need to get the Sick Bay computer back on..." "What was that?" "It is large." "Approximately 200 kilograms." "It is heavily armored with an exoskeleton." "Life signs appear to be Klingon." "Worf." "Set your phaser on heavy stun." "We can't be certain the stun setting will have any effect on him." "A higher setting might kill him." "Listen to that." "He sounds very angry... really... really aggressive." "What do you think he wants?" "Do you think he's responding to some... some predatory instinct?" "Do you think he sees us as prey?" "There are crew members in the corridors and other sections of the ship." "It would be easier for him to capture and consume one of them than to attempt to break through a door." "Then what does he want?" "Predators use vocalizations to frighten other predators and to mark territory... and to commence mating process." "A mating process..." "Counselor Troi was bitten by a Klingon but not in a place that might be life-threatening." "Nowhere near a major artery or organ." "Data, look at this." "Look at this injury." "This wound was never intended to give her any kind of serious harm." "Captain, what are you suggesting?" "Is it possible that Worf could see Counselor Troi as his mate?" "If that is true, he must be trying to reach her now." "Well, we can't just leave." "We have to stay here and protect her." "And we have to keep on working on the retrovirus." "If we could distract him." "If we could lure him away from her..." "The mating instinct is quite strong in Klingon biology." "I am not certain what would be an effective lure." "Klingons have got a very powerful sense of smell." "If we could duplicate Deanna's pheromones and then convince him that she's no longer in Sick Bay that she'd gone into some other part of the ship..." "I am extracting a blood sample from one of her sebaceous glands where the pheromones are produced." "I believe I can activate the pheromones with a bioactivant solution." "Can you amplify the pheromones?" "They need to be much more powerful than Deanna's actual scent." "I believe this will produce the desired effect." "I will use it to draw Worf to another part of the ship." "No, no, no." "You must go on working on the retrovirus." "I'll go." "Captain, that is extremely unwise." "Worf may be faster..." "No time..." "no time to argue." "Deck 17." "Deck 17!" "Computer, display progress of genetic re-sequencing." "Genetic re-sequencing in progress." "DNA to 70% normal." "Computer, increase nucleotide substitution by 32%." "Data to Captain Picard." "Go ahead, Data." "The retrovirus is working, sir." "I can release it into the ship's atmosphere in a gaseous state." "However, it will take some time to take effect." "Acknowledged!" "Are you all right, sir?" "Yes, I'm fine, Mr. Data." "Proceed." "Well, Mr. Worf... let's hope that when you wake up you're a new man." "Captain's Log, supplemental." "Commander Data has succeeded in returning the crew to normal." "Dr. Crusher has determined that the synthetic T cell she used to cure Mr. Barclay's Urodelean flu initiated the intron virus, which swept through the ship." "So, this is my fault." "No." "In a way, it's mine." "I didn't realize it at the time but there's an anomaly in your genetic chemistry that caused the synthetic T cell to mutate." "Instead of activating one dormant gene it started activating all of them including your introns." "A-And that's what... and that's what caused me to de-evolve?" "You and every other member of the crew." "The T cell became airborne and started to spread like a virus." "You know, Reg, this is a completely new disease and it's traditional to classify a new disease with the name of the first diagnosed patient." "Oh, you mean you want to name the disease after me?" "That's right." "How about "Barclay's Protomorphosis Syndrome"?" ""Barclay's Protomorphosis..."" "Um, well..." "It has a nice ring to it." "Thank you, Doctor." "He transformed into a spider and now he has a disease named after him." "I think I better clear my calendar for the next few weeks."