"to a dreadful dynasty of vicious vampire ducks." "The Counts of Duckula!" "Legend has it that these fowl beings can be destroyed... by a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight." "This does not suffice, however... for they may be brought back to life... by means of a sacred rite... that can be performed once a century... when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius!" " Batswing blood." " I'll get it!" "The latest reincarnation did not run according to plan." "Ooh!" "In the heart of Transylvania" "In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah" "There's not a vampire zanier than" "Duckula" "He won't bite beast or man" "'Cause he's a vegetarian" "And things never run to plan for" "Duckula" "If you're lookin' for some fun" "You can always count upon" "The wild and wacky one they call" "Duckula" "Heh heh!" "Count Duckula!" "Heh heh heh!" "Castle Duckula... ancient, awful, appalling." "A solitary fortress of fear... whipped by the woeful wind... rinsed by the rancid rain... threatened by the thudding thunder." "All over these terrifying turrets... passed thunderous clouds and an airship." "Oh, Ludwig, you beauty." "Tannhauser und Lohengrin!" "It is the home of the foul fiend." "Duckula, you monster!" "One day you will pay!" "One day, I, Dr. Von Goosewing... greatest wampire hunter in the the world... will put paid to your wicked ways." "One day, Duckula." "One day." "Of what is that coffee tasting?" "Why, ein moment." "That is no coffee." "That is mein Dr. Van Goosewing... patent carpet shampooing cleaner und spot remover." "Oh, boy, I sure hope it isn't..." "Blood!" "I must have blood!" "Heinrich." "Heinrich, my dear fellow." "Come here immediately." "I want to suck your blood, Heinrich." "Ah, Nanny, a very good morning to you." "And what delicious morsels do we find on the breakfast menu this morning?" "Hot muffins thickly spread with lashings of melting golden butter?" "Or pancakes dripping with yummy maple syrup?" "Freshly baked croissants... served with delicious homemade strawberry jam?" " Porridge." " Oh, porridge." "Well, why didn't you say?" "Porridge?" "Ooh, yuck!" "Well, if it's got to be porridge, at least I'll have some milk on it." "Milk?" "Oh, sir." "Why not try a little..." "If you're going to suggest I pour blood on my porridge, Igor..." "I shall be forced to order you to leave the room." "A little drop of group AB never hurt anybody, milord." "Blood." "I must have bl..." "Boy, that carpet shampoo is strong stuff." "I thought for ein moment that..." "But, yes, it was true." "I was a wampire." "Oh, the shame." "I, Dr. Von Goosewing... greatest wampire hunter in the world... himself a wa... a wa... a wampire." "Oh." "Just a..." "Holy smokers!" "If this stuff turns me, a not wampire, into a wampire... then what will it do to a wampire?" "Ha ha ha!" "Maybe mein Dr. Von Goosewing... patent carpet shampooing cleaner und spot remover... will neutralize the foul fiend for long enough to trap him und..." "Ja!" "Sheer brilliant geniusness!" "Ha!" "Duckula, prepare to..." "Hold it, Goosewing." "Genius you may be, but you don't think of everything." "How do we get him to take the medicine?" "Ooh, now, then..." "Ooh, I must be getting the hang of this door lark." "Ha ha ha ha!" "Oh, there, see?" "Ha ha!" "Now, what was I wanting out here?" "Oh, yes!" "Milk." "Aha!" "Good morning, Nanny." "No porridge today, I hope?" "No." "I got some Swiss stuff." "What is this Swiss stuff?" " Muesli." " Muesli, huh?" "It's all dried fruit and nuts and grain and cereal and stuff." "It's yummy." "Yee!" "Sounds great." "Hit me with some muesli, Nanny." " Are you sure?" " Yeah, it sounds really..." "Ouch!" "Now, what did you do that for, Nanny?" "You said to hit you with the muesli, so I did." "Nanny, hit me with the muesli... means put some muesli in my bowl." "This muesli... how do I eat it?" "With a spoon." "Yes, Nanny." "Yes, thank you." "I didn't think I was meant to suck it up through a straw." "I meant do you eat it neat... or do you stick it between two slices of bread or what?" "Oh, no, no." "Just a splash of milk." "Oh, good." "Then splash me with some..." "Wait!" "Splash my muesli with some milk, please, Nanny." "There you go." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Oh, boy, this is good stuff." "It makes the milk taste kind of funny, but..." "Yummy!" "Right, then." "You eat that all up like a good count... and I'll go and get on with the dusting." "OK, Nanny, you do that." "Hey, Igor, you want some of this muesli?" "It's great stuff." "I think not, milord." "I don't like the look of it." "It appears somewhat too wholesome to my way of thinking, sir." "That's right, Igor." "Wholesome is the word, all right." "What's that, Igor?" "If you cast your mind back, milord, you will remember... that Nanny said she was going to do some dusting." "Oh, yes." "When Nanny dusts something, it stays dusted, doesn't it?" "Sir?" "Sir, are you all right?" "All right?" "All right?" "Do I look all right?" "To my eye, milord, you look better than I've ever seen you." "Blood!" "I need blood!" "I must have blood." "My fangs tingle to be biting necks." "Oh, happy, happy day." "All my good work has not been in vain." "My dreams have come true." "Come, Igor." "Igor, where are these village maidens... you keep telling me about, huh, huh, huh?" "Oh, sir." "Thank you." "Thank you." "You've just made an old retainer very happy." "Right this way, milord." "Slaver, slaver, slaver, slaver, gasp, slaver, and gasp, slaver." "Quite like old times, this is, milord." "It really takes me back." "If I close my eyes..." "I could believe I was leading your great-great-grandfather... to the village." "Oh, quite a monster he was, milord... in the best possible way, of course." "Very unpopular with the peasant folk, he was, sir." "Very unpopular indeed, if you catch my drift." "Igor, what are you trying to do to me?" "It is still light." "Do you want me to crumble into a little pile of 2,000-year-old dust?" "Close the door!" "I am most frightfully sorry, milord." "I was forgetting." "That I am a vampire?" "That I shun the light of the day?" "Shame on you for a forgetful old fool!" "Of course, milord." "I couldn't have put it better myself." "Would you care to rest in your coffin until nightfall?" "I don't suppose you'd allow me a quick nibble of your neck... just to tide me over until suppertime?" "If it's all the same to your lordship, I'd rather not, if you don't mind." "Where's he gone, then?" " The young master?" " Yes." "Where's he gone?" "Oh, he's just having a little nap, Nanny." "A little nap at this time of day?" "Oh, he's probably going down with something." "I thought he was looking a bit peeky this morning." "On the contrary, Nanny." "I have rarely seen him looking better." "Oh, well, if you say so, Mr. Igor." "Though I still think it's funny... him going for a nap straight after his breakfast." "And he didn't even finish it, did he?" " Look." " Uhh..." "Now, then, Mr. Igor, I'm making some tea." "Do you want a cup?" "Under the circumstances, Nanny, I think I will." " Milk?" " Why not?" "Just a drop." "There you are, then." "Yes." "Today is certainly a day to remember... the day when all my careful and patient guidance... has at last come to fruition." "A day when..." "Nanny, is this milk quite..." "Ooh, Mr. Igor, are you having a turn?" "Oh, dear." "You have gone a funny color, Mr. Igor." "Mr. Igor, are you all right?" "I shall feel infinitely better, my dear, dear Nanny... when I have spread a little happiness... kissed a few babies... given shelter to some stray dogs... rescued several lost kittens... and helped a handful of old ladies across the road." "Oh, Mr. Igor." "Oh, you will have your little joke." "Joke, my dear, sweet Nanny?" "But, no." "One should never joke... of being good and kind and loving and caring... and helpful to those more needy than oneself." "I must leave you now." "I have to go and bring joy and contentment to mankind." "Well, that's what I call peculiar." "I've never seen him like that before." "Most peculiar, I must say." "So, as soon as he sets foot outside the castle... as a non-wampire, I shall capture him und..." "Help." "It is Igor." "If he sees me..." "Fear not, oh, brave, bright world... for I am coming to lighten your burden... to bring love, flowers, and sunshine into your life." "What the..." "What is going on around here?" "Ah, Dr. Von Goosewing." "What a most pleasant if unexpected surprise." "What happy occasion brings you to this neck of the wood?" "L..." "That is..." "Come to rid the world of more vampires, I'll be bound." "Wampires?" "Wampires?" "Ha ha!" "Oh, no, no, no." "No, no, not me." "Of course!" "How could I be so blind?" "The vampire." "There is a vampire in the cellar." "The Count Duckula himself." "He's waiting until nightfall to wreak his wickedness." "We must release him from the curse that holds him... before he can do any further evil." "What is happening around here?" "Come, doctor, there is not a moment to lose." "Of course!" "He is some of the milk drinking!" "Hohenzollern sigmaringen!" "I must take advantage of this before the effect is wearing off." "Duckula!" "Your end is at hand!" "Ah, doctor." "Dear doctor... remember, there must be no vindictiveness." "We do what we must do out of love." "Oh, of course..." "Iove." "Boy, that stuff really got to him good." "Prepare to breathe your last, you fiend!" "Oh, there you are, Igor." "Oh, you wouldn't happen to know what I was doing in the cellar, would you?" "Only too well, only too well." "Well, well, I don't." "Ooh, boy, have I got a headache." "Could you get me something for it, Igor?" "The only thing that will alleviate your suffering..." "Count Duckula, and that of those you and your kind prey upon... is a stake." "Oh, good." "Well, could you get me... a steak?" "A steak for a headache?" "Igor, what are..." "I mean, listen, you know I'm a vegetarian." "You see, Doctor, how clever, how devious the vampire can be?" "Oh, for sure." "The wampire is the cleverest und the..." "Wam... a wampire?" "Von Goosewing!" "L..." "Look, what the heck is going on around here?" "We have come to lay your poor tormented soul to rest." "Dr. Von Goosewing, the stake and hammer, if you please." "My pleasure." "Stake?" "Hammer?" "Hammer, stake?" "Stake and hammer?" "Aah!" "Aah!" "A stake!" "Keep away from me!" "Help!" "Nanny!" "Help, help, help!" "Nanny, Nanny!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Stop!" "Come back!" "Come back at once, I say!" "That's the stuff, Igor, baby!" "Give it to him good!" "Nanny!" "Nanny!" "Nanny!" "Nanny!" "What are these persistent cries of anguish and despair... that assault my acoustic organs in this unseemly and clamorous fashion?" "Oh, Nanny, thank goodness." "It's Igor." "He's gone mad." "He's got Goosewing with him, and they're chasing me... and he's got a stake and a hammer, and..." "What did you just say?" "It would appear that you, my dear count... are in a state of not inconsiderable discomposure and inquietitude." "If there is any manner in which I may be able... to expedite the alleviation of your malaise..." "I shall be more than gratified to subserve your interests." "Oh, why didn't you say so?" "Aah!" "The whole world's gone mad!" "Everyone round here is loopy, loony, loco!" "And look out!" "Here comes Igor now!" "There he is!" "Got you now, you willain." "Come, Count Duckula." "It is time to put an end... of the curse that has been yours to bear... and others to suffer through the centuries." "Centuries, huh?" "Oh, well, I vote..." "Hands up, all those who vote me." "I got one here." "I vote we let it run a little longer." "I mean, after all, what's a few years between friends?" "Rest will be yours at last." "Rest and peace." "Rest, you say?" "Ah, well, I must say, it's a good job you reminded me." "Yes, of course." "It's time for my mid-morning siesta." "How silly of me." "Naughty." "I'll just pop along and have a little snooze... and I'll see you all later on." "Ta ta." " No, you must be dealt with now." " Wow!" " Desist." " That's right." "You tell him, Nanny." "Lay down your instruments of violence and depart forthwith." " Madam, I..." " Lay so much as one digit... on this young duck, and I warrant you... the consequences to your physiognomy and constitution... will be dire in the extreme." "I don't know what she's saying, either, Igor... but I should listen to her if I were you." "Sounds like she means business." "My health and well-being are of little concern to me." "What is..." "What?" "Where am I?" "What's happened?" "Milord, Nanny, Von Goosewing." "Von Goosewing, what are..." "what are you doing here?" "Oh." "The effect wearing off seems to be." "Effect?" "What effect?" "Nothing." "L..." "It's..." "Well, this has all been very pleasant... but now, if you'll excuse me..." "But of course." "Yes, it has been fun, hasn't it?" "Fun?" "Yes, Igor." "There's nothing I like better... than being chased round the castle by a couple of demented do-gooders... with a stake in one hand and a hammer in the other." "Oh, sir, I am so sorry." "I don't know what came over me." "That horrible feeling of goodness." "And if it hadn't been for Nanny..." "I assure you that although your approbation is most welcome... it is also quite unnecessary." "I performed no more than any benevolent tutelary... given the same idioverse." "Quite, Nanny." "Quite." "Great Scott!" " That's Nanny!" " Uh-huh." "Talking up a storm, isn't she, Igor?" "If I hadn't heard it with my own ears..." "Hold it!" "Where's Goosewing?" "Help!" "Help!" "Women und me first!" "Help!" "Oh!" "Oh, yes, Nanny, I do agree." "Conversely, as Goethe would have it..." ""Ein unnutz Leben ist ein fruher Tod."" "Oh, absolutely, without doubt." "Mmm, oh, yes, yes." "I couldn't have put it better myself." "And was it not Hegel himself who pronounced the supposition that..." "Ow!" "Oh, my dear!" "My mouth hurts." "Oh, he said that, did he?" "Really?" "Hmm." "What a fascinating man he must have been." "My head hurts, too." "Nanny?" "Nanny." "Nanny, you're back." "No, my back's all right." "It's just my head..." "No, no, no, Nanny." "I mean, Nanny..." "I mean, it's you, it's you!" " What is?" " Ho hum." "Back to the old humdrum routine." "Oh, I must have dropped off." "No, Nanny." "You see, what happened was that I..." "And, Igor, he went..." "And of course, Goosewing was at the bottom..." "And then Igor and he..." "Why, they came at me... with a stake and a hammer and a..." "Chop and then screaming and running and..." "And I got frightened." "Oh, stop it, Duckypoos." "You're making me all dizzy." "Now, then, where was I?" "Oh, yes." "I was just going to take Towser some milk." "Here, Towser!" "Towser!" "Oh, Towser, you bad boy!" "Yeah, but you are irresistible, you Jezebel." "Oh, Towser, stop it!" "Once more, strange, disturbing sounds... rise from the dark and dismal depths of Castle Duckula... as once more, dear viewer, it's time to leave this place of fear... and return to safety, security, and sanity." "Good night out there, whatever you are." "If you're feeling..." "Or you're kind of..." "Could be you've met up with" "Duckula" "If your knees go..." "And your teeth go..." "Maybe you've bumped into" "Duckula" "He flies through the night" "Looking for a bite" "But he's back home by daylight" "Duckula" "If you're sort of..." "Or you're a little..." "It's certain you've run into" "Duckula" "If your heart goes..." "Or your mind goes..." "Man, you had a brush with" "Duckula" "So watch out for the..." "Beware of the..." "And pray you'll never meet with" "Duckula" "Count Duckula"