""Mosfilm" studio" "Thirty three (unscience fiction)" " Raisa Yakovlevna..." " Yes?" "Raisa Yakovlevna!" " It's impossible!" " Count them." "Yes..." "We'd better call Presternyuk at the department." " But it's Sunday." " Doesn't matter." "Just a second, mister!" "Does it hurt, Vanya?" "Rubbish!" ""Non-alcoholic drinks factory"" " Looking for someone?" " Yes, gramps, where can I find superiors?" " What for?" " I'm from a newspaper." "Nice to meet you." "Anatolii Petrovich!" "Tolya!" "What?" "A guy from the newspaper wants to see you." "Hello!" "Ivanov's the name." "Nice to meet you." "Bezrodny, special correspondent." "We're outrunning our quarterly plan, 300 decalitres ahead." "Right now we're working on a new drink..." " "Golden Autumn"!" " Yes." " No, I'm here to see comrade Travkin." " There he is." " Frosya!" " Yes?" "Come here." "Add 5 litres of "Evening cool"." "Not that!" "It's "Mushroom dampness", the "Cool" is here." "How many times do I need to explain?" "Laggard!" " Ivan!" " What?" "You have a visitor from the newspaper." " Hello, comrade Travkin." " Hi." " I need to take a photo of you." " Go ahead." "To the right, please." "Open your mouth!" "Wider!" "On the bank of the river..." "Marusya was washing her white legs." "Oh, her white legs, oh, her azure eyes." "Grey geese were swimming towards her..." "Hush!" "Fly away, don't stir up the water!" "Don't stir up the water, you'll wake up her mother-in-law, and father-in-law will be angry at Marusya." "Father-in-law will be mad, Mother-in-law will be mad, for she has been out too long." "And now, comrades, not as a part of tonight's program, a man who we all know (alas), our dentist, Arkadiy Sheremetyev, will make a speech!" "Comrades... our district, our town" " High Pits has a unique man living in it!" "Ivan Sergeyevich, please." " What for?" " Just go." "This is our man." "Chief technologist at our non-alcoholic drinks factory," "Ivan Sergeyevich Travkin!" "Comrades, he has... thirty three teeth!" "Nothing funny about that." "Common man has only thirty-two teeth." "And I, as a specialist, dare to say that this is the first case in the history of dentistry!" "Liar!" "What?" "Who said that?" " I said it!" " You, Prokhorov?" " Why do you say that?" " Because it's a lie!" "We'll have a talk in another place." " Comrades, any questions?" " Show it!" "Comrades, there's too many of you." "So I'm inviting three volunteers to the stage." "Comrades!" "I suggest we send" "Perelman, Mamedov and Fedotov." "Do you agree?" "Comrades!" "Why only men?" " I suggest we send one woman too!" " I propose Gorina." "Agree?" "Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty... thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three!" "Correct." "Thirty-three!" "And now - "I am Walking the Streets of Moscow"" "performed by choir of non-alcoholic drinks factory!" "I am walking the streets of Moscow, and I'm going to walk even more." "Ivan Sergeyevich!" " Good morning." " Hello!" " Hello." " Ivan!" " What?" " So you're going?" " I am." " Come back in two days!" " We'll try." " We're launching a new drink and you're taking out best specialist." "It's not me, the department called for him." "Sit down before the road." "Well..." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "Goodbye." "All the best!" "Come in." "Sit down." "There's a report on you, from this man." " Hello, Prokhorov." " You're misleading people." "Whom, how?" "By saying one thing and hiding another." "Why, what are you talking about?" "Well, how about this." "Yesterday you said that Travkin is unique." "Yes I did." "So if a guy has thirty-three teeth, and he praises him for that you make a photo of him, put him on the stage and say he's unique." "And if the other guy has thirty-three teeth." "but he's a humble man and doesn't show off, he gets nothing?" "!" "Is it fair?" " Well, who's that man?" " Me." "Come on, I've been treating you, you have thirty-two teeth, like any man." "Alright..." " Whose tooth is that?" " I don't know." "It's mine!" "You pulled it out yourself, remember?" " I remember." " Count!" " Well?" " Thirty-two." " So, how many of them in total?" " Thirty-two." "See?" "Magic maths!" "Thirty-two in the mouth, one in hand, and it's still thirty-two!" "Doesn't add up, Sheremetyev." " How many of them are in total?" " Molar?" "Thirty-two." "Hah, see that?" "What did I tell you, it's a collusion!" "You disappoint me, such a young specialist..." "Bad, a very bad way to start your career." "Why, no, it's simple." "It's a common milk tooth." "It's stayed in his mouth more than usual, so I pulled it out." "And a molar tooth grew in its place, happens very often." "See, comrade Prokhorov?" "I told you it's going to be alright." "The whole thing's cleared up, noone was trying to insult you." "I see." "I knew it!" " I understand." " Care to take your statement?" "No, let it stay here." "All the best." "You'll regret it, I promise you!" "Loudmouth!" " Sit down, what's your name again?" " Arkadiy Borisovich." " Let's talk." " I'm listening." "First of all, congratulations on your discovery." "Well, it's a pure coincidence that..." "The one who seeks always finds." "People above are calling, asking why it has been a secret for so long and what all the fuss is about, while there's no actual scientific proof, et cetera..." "To put it simply, they want their share." "That's why you, Arkadiy, are going to Moscow tonight, with that Travkin of yours." " Me?" " Who else?" "Don't be afraid." "In case something happens I'll come up and give you a hand." "Thank you, but... shouldn't we make an X-ray first?" "Later." "You should be thinking about your thesis." " A thesis?" " Well, why not?" "You said it's a unique case, didn't you?" "Yes, but there's not enough data..." " ...we should check it again." " We'll help you with that." "I can help..." "Or we can even write it together." "One head is better than two!" "Deal?" "Ivan Sergeyevich!" "Sit down, please." "Smile." "Now, let's go over your words again." "Now... she asks..." ""Who's that humble man sitting at the table over there?" And you " "What?" "She's asking you, not me." "Right." "And I say, "This is Ivan Sergeyevich Travkin, our guest from High Pits." And you?" ""I was born in 1921, in High Pits..." "Wait, wait, she's not talking to you yet, she asks me once more..." ""So he's that man with thirty-three teeth?"" "And me?" "You say, "Yes, it's him, the only one of his kind" Then I..." " ...tell my story, briefly." " Right." "You know, here, when I'm talking about my school years." "I'd like to tell that in the 6th grade, when I was twelve," "I caught a 40 kg sheatfish." " No, let's skip that." " Why?" " Who's gonna believe you?" " But I did." " Let's not argue about this." " Don't you believe me?" "Ivan Sergeyevich, I've been fishing my whole life." "But there's no such sheatfish in this lake." "15 kg - perhaps, but not more than that." "What did I catch then?" "Ivan Sergeyevich, I'm a simple correspondent form a local newspaper." "For me, to be seen with you on a TV show, and to go to Moscow is a big honour, and perhaps a new turn in my life." "But I'm an honest man, Ivan Sergeyevich." "And I can't let you make up stories." "You think I'm making it up?" "Alright... alright." " Here, what is it?" " A pike!" "I know it's a pike, how much does it weigh?" " 3,5-4 kilos." " Nine!" " Five!" " 9,148." " Same story with your sheatfish." "In this case I won't talk on the television." "In this case - don't." "Truth is more precious." "It is known that new substance demands new form." "On the other hand, new form demands new substance as well." "For you cannot squeeze new substance into the Procrustean bed of old forms, as well as old substance cannot be squeezed into the new form." "So, as I mentioned before, a form mustn't be separated from substance, it should correspond..." "Thank you." "Tell us, what are you currently working on, and what surprises do you have for our readers." "Well, um... long story short... in my new novel I'm trying to achieve some kind of unity, the unity of form and substance, currently I'm in a search for..." "Luba!" "Turn on the TV!" "Ivan's there!" "...just like the old shouldn't obstruct the new..." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Well, where is he?" "Children woke up!" "Play jokes some other time!" " I need to go out." " Where?" "I need to send a telegram..." "Later, it's your turn now!" "Igor, tell me, who's that humble man sitting at the table over there?" "This is Ivan Travkin, our guest from High Pits," "I wrote about him." " See that?" " Shut up!" "I see, so he's the man with thirty-three teeth!" "With thirty-three teeth!" "Yes he is, the only one in the world." "How interesting!" " Igor, you must introduce us." " With pleasure." "Ivan Sergeyevich, meet" "Nina Svetlova, our TV announcer." "We've already met." "Look I need to go out for a minute." " You want to leave us?" " Yes..." "We'll let you go, but you must tell us all about you first." "I need to send a telegram to my factory, I forgot..." "Well, you can say it right here." "I'm sure that your friends from High Pits are among millions of our viewers." "Are we on air?" "Where do I speak?" "Look at him!" "What an artist!" "They planned it from the beginning!" "Comrade Ivanov!" "Do you hear me?" " I hear you." " Tolya, listen!" "Add 18% of "Morning Dew" into "Golden Autumn"!" "I got it!" "What bottle is it in?" " What bottle?" ".." " So, comrades... in case comrade Ivanov didn't see our broadcast, tell him that that beverage "Golden Autumn" needs..." "I'm listening." "Thank you very much!" "I saw it." "Yes." "Yes?" "I was born in 1921, in a family of workers." "Spent my childhood in High Pits." "Went to school." "Used to go fishing." "When I was twelve," "I caught a sheatfish that weighed 40 kilos." " Are you Travkin's wife?" " Yes, I am." "Ivan's not here, out of town." "He's on television now!" " I need to speak to you." " Well, come in!" " Is anyone in?" " Children." "Then we'd better talk here." "I'm from our regional museum." "Have you ever been there?" " No." " You should." "We have a magnificent collection." "Everything that represents scientific and historical significance of our region is in our museum." " We want to buy your husband's skull." " What?" "A skull." "Or a jaw, at least." " What are you talking..." " We're paying in cash, of course." " What do you think?" " But he's alive!" "We're all guests on this planet." "Get out of here!" " 60 rubles." " Out!" "Looks like I must contact the owner himself." "Ivan Sergeyevich!" "Allow me." "Wait a second, I'll call my old friend." "I don't understand." "She asked, does it hurt?" "Yes, a lot." "Madam says that pounded bark of mango tree helps." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "What tree was that?" "I see!" " Prokhorov!" "How did you get here?" " I see!" "I'll make you come clean!" "Are you still here?" "We warned you, we have an foreign guest." " I'm coming, let me finish shaving." " Hurry up." "Please come in, the man is already leaving." "Great!" " Hello." " Hello." " Is he that foreign guest?" " Yes." "Come on, That's Travkin!" " I saw him on TV yesterday." " I'm only doing what I was told." " And you move to the hostel." " I'm going." "Come on in, Ivan Sergeyevich." "You're getting popular." "Right..." "Here's the medicine." "I'm going to the university, call you tomorrow." " Okay." " Bye!" " Goodbye." " Good luck." "I sent a telegram yesterday to your director." "About those 18 degrees." " 18 percent!" " Whatever." "I'm Misha." "Ivan." "Listen..." "I'm sorry that you're moving out because of me..." "Forget it." "What're you doing here anyway?" "A research." "They're going to examine me." " They say it's a unique case." " Dummies!" " Why dummies?" " Well, what is there to examine?" "You're understandable just as you are." "Funny way of thinking." "But that's science!" "They studied a rattlemouse's head and found a very complex thing..." "a locator or something." "I read about it." "Dolphins are the latest trend now." " So what?" " You're not a rattlemouse, are you?" " No." " And no locator in your head?" " No." " And in your tooth?" " No." " That's what I'm saying." "I don't understand." "What am I, doing this for my own pleasure?" "That's ridiculous!" "I have a wife at home with children, nobody to replace me at the factory..." " Dummies there too?" " You're a dummy!" "It's the science, I'm telling you!" "Who knows what will they find!" "It hurts, and I endure." " Want a drink?" " No." "Toothache is bad." " Even giving birth is better." " As if you know." "No, but teeth, got only five of them left." "Now I take care of them." "Back then I used to pull one out whenever it hurt." "People say, they caught a Bigfoot in High Pits, who has thirty-three teeth." "Lots of teeth to pull out." " How did they catch him?" " He was chewing on water pipes." " Left a whole city without water." " Rubbish." "No, true story!" "They showed him on TV yesterday." "I didn't watch it, but people are talking..." "He's wild, they say." " With a tail." " Nah, they dressed him for TV." "But he doesn't know what to do..." "Just sits there and smiles." "The host tells him "Sing!", but he doesn't understand, says "Gimme wild mushrooms"." "As if they grew right there in the studio." " Give me a smoke." " Here." "There's a queue in hospital, you'll be sitting there till morning." "A doctor lives in that house." "He'll pull it out in a minute!" "Stop." "That door." "Flat number thirteen." "Semyon Semyonovich." "Works like a pro." "Leave the change." " You mixed it up, it wasn't a Bigfoot." " But who?" "A Martian." " Gimme a break!" " Just between you and me." "Just between us!" " Semyon Semyonovich?" " He left for Voronezh for good!" " Moved to a new place." " Excuse us." "Comrade Travkin!" "Comrade Travkin!" "Be my guest, please!" "Just for a couple of minutes!" "My wife will be delighted!" " I can't, my tooth aches." " I'll help you, I'll help you!" "Rosa, looks, who's come for a visit!" "It's Travkin!" "Excuse me." " Please, come in." " Please." "Meet my wife, Rosa." " Nice to meet you." " Lubashkin." " Misha, the diver." " How lovely." "Must be a lot of interesting things under water." "Yeah, we've found a motorcycle recently." " Well, what're we standing for?" " Come in!" " Do come in." " Thank you." "Have a seat." "Take this." "It helps." " I don't drink." " Please." "We're asking you." " I can't!" " Just one glass." "Do us a favour." "You're not obliged to swallow, just wash your tooth with it." "Well, I don't know..." "All right." "Let me." "Seva!" "It's Lubashkin." "Take a bottle and come here." "Quick!" "Travkin's here." "'That' Travkin!" "Thirty-three." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Got it?" "Yeah... and call Kharitonov!" "I'm at the lake." "Everything's done properly." "You know how?" "Just like that!" "Ice." "Holes." "People sitting." "Fishing." "And nothing, everywhere." "Not even the smallest fish." "Not a thing." "That's where I go in." "I look around and say:" ""Here!"" "You know what's important?" "Everything." " Eat something, Ivan!" " Hush!" "But the most important..." " I don't know." " Me neither." "Wind!" "I detect its direction, sit at the hole... fishing..." "And what?" "Nothing!" "Doesn't bite." "I put my hand in the pocket, take out... the spoon baits" "and think:" ""This one!"" "Nope." "Or maybe this one!" "No." "And I picked..." "This one." "My own design." "I put on the bait." "Throw it." "And..." " Maybe, you shouldn't..." " Hush!" "It bites." "Bravo!" "A true magician!" "You..." "Do you understand me?" "Yes." "Please..." "Be my wife." " Comrade..." " It's urgent!" " We're in a hurry too!" " It's urgent for everyone!" "I need to put a man into mental asylum!" "Tell me, if I came to Moscow with this man..." " How do I put him into asylum?" " Three copecks." " Yes?" " Good morning, it's me!" " Morning." " How are you feeling?" " Not bad." " Come down, there's a car for you." " Okay." " We're waiting." "Hey... friend!" "Misha!" "What did I do yesterday?" "You tried to make a fish soup." "Nice one." " Been sober for twenty years and..." " I told you to eat something." "Just a minute." "Come in." "Good morning, Ivan Sergeyevich!" "This is my father." "Dad, this is Ivan Sergeyevich." " Get acquainted." " Nice to meet you." " Hello." " At last, we meet." "I must confess, your proposition was a bit of a surprise for me." " Dad..." " Wait, Rosa." "I understand, you're young, it's the 20th century..." "Ivan Sergeyevich, we must speak, like men." "Leave us for a minute, girl." " Dad, but..." " Go, Rosa." "I know everything, Ivan Sergeyevich, You're from Mars." " What?" "!" " Don't pretend, everyone knows." "Knows what?" "That in Africa, in a place where the rocket from Mars landed, a skull was found!" "A skull with thirty-three teeth!" "And yesterday professor Brok said on the radio that you're a Martian descendant!" "Now that's a taxi driver!" " Who's that?" " Misha." " It's all rubbish." "I'm from..." " Okay, okay, we'll keep it a secret," "But as a father I must know... if you really can become a husband" "of a woman from Earth." "What?" "I mean 'it'." "Do you understand what I'm saying?" "Yes or no?" " Well, yes..." " Enough!" "No more words!" "I'm happy!" " Never liked Vasiliy anyway?" " What Vasiliy?" "Lubashkin, her husband." "Goodbye!" "Best of luck!" "And 'there' too!" "Goodbye." " Who was that wacko?" " They told you, it's her Dad." " And who's she?" " Look at you!" "She's the woman from yesterday!" "Your fiancee." " Excuse me." " That's alright." "My father is a panic-monger but he likes you." "Please forgive me, I must've made a mess yesterday..." " I'll buy you fish, just tell me..." " Forget it." "Sit down Ivan." "Sit." "Now - we'll go somewhere quiet we'll build there a hut, we'll go fishing, we'll bake potatoes, they'll be black outside and white inside." "I'll walk barefoot on the morning dew..." "How does that sound?" " Thanks, but I can't." " Why?" "What are you talking about?" "I have a family, wife, kids..." "So what?" "So what." "I love you anyway." "Ivan... my dear," " ...my darling." " What're you doing?" "Excuse me." "Comrade Travkin?" " Yes." " Hello." "Comrade Travkin, I need your skull." " Come again?" " Your skull." "Or your jaw, at least." "What, right now?" "Of course not, only after your death." "It's for our museum." "Have a seat." " Sign here." " Well, if you're asking... 60 rubles." "Alas, our funds are limited." "Hey, fella!" "You can buy mine!" "For a tenner." "Skulls like ours, young man, are on every cemetery." "Just kidding." "This skull is of no interest to the science." " Goodbye." " Bye!" "Answering our correspondent's question about ways of modern painting, comrade Travkin said, quote:" ""The old mustn't obstruct the new, and the new mustn't obstruct the old"." "And now, Ivan Sergeyevich's favourite song" "Only 60 rubles for such head." "Ivan Sergeyevich..." "I'll be your secretary, your housemaid." "Alright?" "Thy tooth, that hurts so much," "I praise with burning words of mine." "I dedicate this verse, as such " "To him, to Travkin..." " Well?" " Great!" "All right, let's move on." ""Comrade Travkin has always combined performance at work" " with great results at sport and..." " Too boring." " Give me the facts!" " All right." " In 192..." " Wait." "Thy tooth..." "No, don't type yet." "I praise thy tooth, that shines so bright over the meadows of our land and deeply goes into the ground with roots of his, and stands..." " How was it?" " There he is!" " Who?" " Travkin!" "See that?" "Your tooth is not yours anymore." "It's a national heritage." " Hello, Ivan Sergeyevich." " Hello." "Good afternoon, comrades." "Can I have a word with you?" " Have you heard?" " No." "They said on the foreign radio that the fact that you have thirty-three teeth confirms that Martians have visited Earth." " Hi, I'm Rodion Khomutov." " We're writing a poem about you." " Are you 'the' Khomutov?" " Indeed I am." "Comrade Travkin!" " Vasya!" " Good morning, Rosa." "Would you sign it, please?" " Who's that?" " I don't know!" "There he is." " Do you see that?" " I do." "Excuse me." "Please." " Comrade Travkin?" " Yes." " Travkin Ivan Sergeyevich?" " Yes." "You came for me?" "Thank God." "How long till we arrive?" "Well, not too long, not too short." " Is Arkadiy there?" " Everybody's there." "What?" "It's alright, let him go." "Can we stop for a second?" "I need to buy fish." "Alright." " I broke an aquarium yesterday." " Well, go ahead." " He'll be calmer this way." " Okay." "Otherwise he'll get agitated, or start biting..." "To sum up, comrades, teeth are the buhrstones of our body." "A man with sufficient amount of teeth digests food better and therefore he's healthy, cheerful and happy in his social and private life." "And vice versa: a man without the above-mentioned is vulnerable to diseases, irritable and morally unstable." "In view of the aforesaid, it is hard to overestimate the significance of the thirty-third tooth." "A team of young specialists, which is headed by... me," "is currently working on this problem." "According to our calculations, having thoroughly studied this phenomenon, we will be able to increase the amount of teeth in each socially useful individual up to 40-45 in the nearest future!" "Which means, comrades, that we're on the verge of a great discovery!" "The unique Travkin's tooth could be the key to the gates into the new era, where the Achilles' heel of humanity would become... where the Achilles' heel of humanity that accursed toothless old age will become a thing of the past." "What do we need to do that?" "First and foremost, we need funds!" "To organise a special or, even better, a major research institute in High Pits, where Travkin, a man of remarkable qualities..." "By the way, he'll attend this meeting in a little while." "...could assist, without discontinuing work..." " What's the matter?" " Please excuse us." " What is it?" " Galina Petrovna..." "Hello." " Have a seat." " Thank you." "Here it is." " What is "it"?" " The thirty-third." " Do you like fish?" " You call this a fish?" "I paid 60 rubles for this little thing." "And why would you do that?" "I don't mind, it was windfall money anyway." " Got 'em for the skull." " What skull?" "My own skull." "I sold it this morning." "Please, count down from ten to one." "But do it fast." "Ten, nine, eight... and..." "Damn..." "Ten, nine, eight..." "That's enough, thank you." " Okay." " Please, stand up." "Stretch your arms." "Move your fingers apart." "Close your eyes." " Drinking?" " No." "Tell me, have you ever felt that you're somehow different from others?" " I have." " And what is it?" "What do you mean, "what"?" "You know, that thirty-third tooth and..." " What?" " It's not verified..." " And what is it?" " That I'm a descendant of Martians." "People say that I'm a Bigfoot, but that rubbish." "Sit down, please." "I'm afraid you'll have to stay with us for a while." "You'll have your meal and your bath" " ...and new clothes." " I can't." "For the sake of science, I'm prepared for anything, but let's do it next time, okay?" "I'm too busy." "A factory to run... the sediment and stuff." "Goodbye." "Bye." " Him?" " Yes." "Hello, Ivan Sergeyevich." "Please, excuse us for this inconvenience." " Let's go..." " Wait a second!" "Valentin Ivanovich, it's a typical case of schizophrenia." "He's obsessed with some thirty-third tooth." " It's a fact, not an obsession." " Look at you, a psychiatrist." "If I could, I would fire you in a second!" "Read some newspapers!" "Let's go." " Glad to meet you." " Me too." "I'll see you in my office later!" "Damn, that was awkward." "Now they'll all start coming with thirty-three teeth." "Did you let him go?" "Shame on you." "And you believed that he had thirty-three teeth?" "It's not him, I'm the man with thirty-three teeth!" "Here!" " Comrade Travkin?" " Yes." "Nice to meet you." "I'll go make an announcement." "Mr. Travkin, a few questions!" " What is your hobby?" " What?" "Ivan Sergeyevich likes fishing!" " Have you ever been abroad?" " Yes, in Berlin, in Prague..." " Why did you fly there?" " I didn't, I walked." " As a tourist?" " No, as an infantry trooper." "Ivan Sergeyevich, one minute." "Girl, come here." "I don't want to!" "Girl, come here fast!" "Freeze!" "Ivan Sergeyevich, could this be what people call happiness?" "Happiness is when you want to work in the morning and go home in the evening." "Dear guests!" "An honour to start today's game is granted to Ivan Sergeyevich Travkin!" "But I don't even like football!" "Come on!" "What are we gonna do, huh?" " It's black!" " I know it's black!" "Where is it exactly, that's the question." "The "Dampness" is black too." "Nobody except Ivan Sergeyevich can tell the difference." "Call Mitrich, maybe he'll sort it out." "Right." "He surely will." "Mitrich!" " Mitrich!" " What?" "Come here!" "They say, Travkin married an actress in Moscow." "That's the one, it seems." "To hell with it, let's do it." "By the way, we got two telegrams." "I answered one of them, listen:" ""To the factory director Ivanov." "Add 18% of "Morning Dew"" "into "Autumn Cool"." "Next - "Soldiers of our garrison would like to start correspondence with women of your factory"" "Signed - sergeant Ivanov." " Hey!" " What?" "And I answered:" ""No girls around here, write to the bakery"" "Give it to me." "Try it." " Nice." " Let me try it." "Pour the damn thing into the river!" "So... you are the phenomenon everyone's talking about." " How interesting." " Yes, I am." "It hurts." " I can hardly stand it." " No need to stand it." "A syringe." "Alexander Fyodorovich, you have a visitor, professor Brok." " Shall I let him in?" " Of course." "The patient is in perfect shape." "Hello, my dear colleague!" "Good." " Are you ready?" " I am." "I've been studying Mars for 40 years." "Now we're gonna measure you brain activity, heart, electric potential of your spinal cord." " It tickles!" " Hush!" "And if the results matches my calculations, your Martian origin will be proven." "How're you feeling?" "I'm okay!" " Have you tested the equipment?" " On myself." " Why did you sneeze?" " It's cold!" "Make it fast!" "Be patient." "Enough!" "There can be no doubt, congratulations, colleague!" "Well?" "What's the result?" "Thank you." "Ivan Sergeyevich..." "I need to talk to you." "What?" "It seems that under present circumstances you'll have to undertake an honourable and, regretfully, at the same time quite dangerous mission" " Bless you." " Thanks." "The experiment of Dr. Brok has confirmed your Martian origin, which means that it will be easy for you to find a common language with creatures that inhabit Mars." "Right." "What I'm about to tell you is a big secret." "We possess a certain equipment that can send biological matter to any part of the universe." "Right." "Of course, it disintegrates this matter at first." " Do you know what I mean?" " No." "You'll have to go to Mars and get in contact with Martians." "I see." "Can't we... get in touch with them on the radio or something?" "No." "Allow me to consult with my family." "Luba..." "I'll have to leave you and, perhaps, for good." "Go ahead, run to her!" "Out!" "You, of all people..." " Dad!" " Hi, kids." "Take care of your mother." "The family agrees." "Hello, Ivan Sergeyevich." ""The Life and Deed of Ivan Travkin"" "Vanya..." "All right now." "I'm leaving, comrades." "Quit it." "Give me a hug, Kesha." "Okay, Vanya." "Attention!" "300 seconds till launch!" "Comrade Travkin, take your position!" "I'm eternally proud for you!" "Look after the kids, be strict or they'll spoil them!" "Man, take this, "The Life and Deed of Ivan Travkin", with all my heart!" " Careful there." " Okay." "Ivan Sergeyevich, let me..." "Drop it, Vanya, let's get away where no one can find you!" " Too late." " Whatever!" "So long Vanya!" "I'll be waiting for you forever!" "All my life!" "Stop it!" "Make your peace, will you?" "Please!" "Visitors!" "Please leave the testing area!" "Bye, Vanya!" " Comrade Travkin!" "Comrade Travkin!" " What?" "Sorry to bother you at such moment, but it's very important!" "How do you think we should spell - "rabit" or "rabitt"?" " Why not spelling it like we used to?" " Impossible!" "Well then, do whatever you want!" "Thank you!" "Comrade Travkin, speak now." "The Earth is listening to you." "Looks like... it's gonna rain." "It's a good omen, they say." "Luba... don't listen to all that nonsense." "That's rubbish." "Attaboy!" "Attention!" " Get ready." " Yes." "Ten..." "Nine..." "Seven... dammit!" "Ten..." "Nine..." "Eight..." "Seven..." "Six..." "Five..." "Four..." "Three..." "Two..." "One..." "Start!" "On the bank of the river..." "Marusya was washing her white legs." "Oh, her white legs, oh, her azure eyes." "Grey geese were swimming towards her..." "Hush!" "Fly away, don't stir up the water!" "Don't stir up the water, you'll wake up her mother-in-law, and father-in-law will be angry at Marusya." "That is all." "Amateurs!" "You pulled it out?" "So I was, you know dreaming?" "How's Travkin, ma'am?" "How long will it take?" " Oh, he's fine now." " What do you mean?" " They pulled it out." " What?" "What's wrong with that?" "He's got thirty-one left." "You're wrong ma'am, it's thirty-two." "No, my dear." "It's like with mushrooms, one root, two heads." "Same with his tooth." "Ain't he something, eh?" "Vanya!" " Hello, my friend." " Hello." "Did you know?" "They cured me." "In the asylum." "With electricity!" " I no longer stammer!" " Good for you." "Well, see you." "Please, don't be offended." "I did it because of the nerves." " I was nervous, that's why!" " I know." "Take care." "Vanya!" "Vanya." "Listen, could you lend me five copecks?" "I spent all my money in Moscow." "Here." "Don't tell anyone" " I also had thirty-three t..." " Teeth?" " Yes." " All right." " Thank you." "Take care." "Dad!" "The end"