"'Adrenaline." "Fucking adrenaline." "'The heart beats like a hammer 'and the lungs suck up the air like a Dyson.'" "You're all right." "We're here now." "One female." "Mid-20s." "Looks like a slightly older Miley Cyrus." "Is that relevant?" "How long's it going to take?" "What am I a fucking escapologist?" "That's a long word for a fireman." "Let the real men through Bambi." "Door's jammed." "Get the cutters." "Ah fuck it I'm going in." "'Stupid fucking adrenaline makes you do stupid things." "'It's the hormonal equivalent of a lying bastard." "'Pumps you full of bullshit juice." "'Makes you believe you can get the girl jump the fence 'score the goal and fix the TV aerial yourself." "'I fucking hate adrenaline!" "'" "Do you mind?" "I can't stand that song." "There's a faint pulse." "We've got to get her out of here!" "Almost there." "Couple more minutes." "She hasn't got a couple more minutes!" "We're running out of time lads." "Come on." "We need to get that door open." "All right mate." "We're trying." "Come on!" "Let them through." "What you doing?" "Open heart massage." "Is that a good idea mate?" "Bloody hell!" "Apparently so." "Female 20s." "No vital signs on primary survey." "Responded to cardiac massage." "GCS 5 multiple fractures in chest cavity possible haemothorax." "Good job." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Wow." "Did we just land on an upside-down world or did a doctor just say thank you?" "It sounded suspiciously like it." "I need a cigarette." "You don't smoke." "In times like this I'll smoke." "This is a hospital." "Didn't we build this place for smokers?" "I need a comfort break." "All right newbie?" "Yeah." "How was that for you?" "We actually do that stuff don't we?" "Like on brochure." "Occasionally." "Now listen if anyone asks we didn't see Stuart do what he did back there." "He were amazing." "He had his whole hand inside her." "Just keep that to yourself." "He saved her life." "Or prolonged it for 20 painful minutes." "She's probably still going to die." "Yeah but the bloke deserves some credit." "He brought her back to life like he were..." "I was going to say like Jesus but Jesus never brought anyoneback to life did he?" "Unless he counts himself." "That's so Stuart." "He can't help himself can he?" "Any opportunity to show off." "Still crawling over broken glass - that's pretty heroic stuff." "You think I don't do that shit?" "I'm always having to do that and no-one calls me a hero." "I've had people come at me with knives before." "Yeah but that's not the same though." "How isn't it the same?" "Knives are easy." "You take your jacket off wrap it round your hand go for the fucker." "That's not how you disarm an assailant." "Well maybe you're just not doing it right." "Hello." "What are you doing here?" "Er... domestic abuse." "Whoa!" "I bet she's really fit under those bruises." "What?" "And in your moment of glory you go and spoil it." "No." "No." "Violent men notoriously attract beautiful women." "It's a statistic!" "I understand that you don't want to press charges..." "You're a sick man." "36 minutes left of our shift." "What shall we do lads?" "Suggestions?" "We could go second floor and check out new Ear Nose And Throat nurses." "Or we could gate crash endoscopy." "I heard they admitted a guy with two arseholes." "Two arseholes?" "!" "Right next to each other side by side." "Is that like an ultimate fantasy for you then?" "How else do you suggest I satisfy both my cocks?" "So hot nurse or arseholes?" "Hmm." "Which to choose?" "Shit." "Scarper." "Not so fast!" "Why have I been hearing rumours that one of my EMTs just performed an open heart massage?" "Is that what I did?" "Give me a reason not to discipline you." "OK so what happened was" "I was trying to undo the patient's seat belt and I guess somehow my hand must have entered the thoracic cavity." "As I tried to remove my hand it may have repeatedly brushed up against the heart which could've been the cause for the heart to recommence a rhythm." "Does that sound reasonable?" "Happens more often than people think." "Please God let me be at the hearing when you offer up that pathetic defence!" "No-one's going to complain." "If she lives." "Or my preferred choice you save her life and she still wants to nail you to a cross." "I did what I did." "I feel no remorse." "Well you'd better start feeling something else pretty damn quick because you're all off to see the counsellor." "Oh God!" "You've attended and participated in a traumatic scenario." "You may have been affected by your experiences." "I may have eaten dog shit for lunch but I didn't." "May is a very powerful word." "Yes and I'm using it to my advantage." "You put me in a very difficult position and now I'm putting you in one." "You've got half an hour left of your shift." "Go and waste some time being talked to!" "Right." "Are one of yous going to explain what's going on?" "We've to go and get head-fucked by a guy called Doug." "Who's Doug?" "You don't have to worry about Doug." "No I'm not." "Cos Doug's not a scary name." "We know Doug." "We've been through this shit before." "Everything's going to be fine." "The secret to getting past Doug - just smile and nod and don't say a fucking word." "Talk to him and he's got you like that!" "Right." "Come on." "Fuck sake!" "This isn't Doug's office." "Hello." "And you're not Doug." "No but you must be Ashley Rachid and Stuart." "I'm guessing you're Rachid." "You're Stuart?" "Ashley." "Then that would make you Stuart." "Sit down." "Please." "Anywhere you like." "Rachid if I racially stereotyped you there I apologise." "Please feel free to talk to me about it." "Do I answer?" "No." "Oh gosh." "There's a hierarchy." "No offence lady but who the hell are you?" "My name's Kirsty." "I'm the resident counsellor overseeing the welfare of all staff in this building." "I guess that makes me whoever Doug was." "Now which one of you had the er the er..." "How should I put this?" "The hands on experience?" "Ah." "I should probably have guessed that." "In answer to every question you're about to throw at mecan I say this?" "I. Feel." "Fine." "All right?" "I've acknowledged I've engaged" "I've accepted I have progressed." "Ah." "Right." "Well considering the nature of the call-out you just attended it's sometimes good for you guys to just check in on me." "We can talk things through." "I can help try and make you aware of what might be around the corner." "OK." "Great." "What corner?" "I'm talking about a psychological corner not a literal one." "Can you see how clever these shrinks are?" "Fake corners - amazing!" "Adrenaline is your body's response to the fear of atrophy and death." "Your blood streams have just been flooded by your adrenal glands." "So whether you feel fine or not there is a comedown that's due to you." "In the next 24 hours you may well experience some violent mood swings." "Er..." "Comedown?" "Like what?" "Typically you'll start out feeling euphoric." "You may then grow restless but ultimately become depressed." "Up." "Horny." "Down." "That's a simplification." "Let me expand." "You're going to feel happy then you'll feel horny and then you're going to wind up miserable." "Is that normal?" "Very." "We've been there." "Ridden the roller coaster." "Bought the souvenir photo." "No offence lady but we've seen all this before." "We're frontline and our defence mechanisms are firmly in place and working fine." "There is no effective defence against post traumatic stress." "Oh really?" "You think I can't control my mood swings?" "It's biology Stuart." "I don't have to feel anything that I don't want to." "And I'll prove it." "Mmm!" "This is the best fake bacon I've ever had." "Taste it go on." "You have to taste it." "Why would I taste fake bacon when I can have real bacon?" "Real bacon which by the way is fucking doing it this morning." "How's yours?" "Awful!" "You're really going to repress your emotions to spite the new shrink?" "Stuart versus biology." "Round one." "Ding-ding!" "If anyone should be feeling up it's you." "You were incredible last night." "Eh?" "You held a human heart in your bare hand." "You can't deny that." "What did it feel like?" "The heart?" "Well to be honest it was er..." "It was warm." "You know like a... a plug that's just been pulled from a live socket." "But the weirdest thing about it - the strangest thing - was the shape." "Cos it was sort of..." "dented in the middle." "It sort of curved round at the top like that." "Then both sides narrowed down to a point at the bottom." "Hilarious!" "Yeah and I'm pretty sure there was an arrow through the middle of it..." "You're labouring it now." "I don't know about you fuckers" "I'm going to get some sleep feel nothing and in 11-and-a-half hours be back for the next shift." "Just another ordinary shitty day." "Sweet dreams." "You love your sausage don't you?" "You are joking!" "Shit!" "Just another shitty day." "Oh come on mate help us out." "I'll play your favourite song." "I'll tell you what" "I'll give you £5 if you play my least favourite song." "That's not a typical request." "I'm not in a typical mood." "Really?" "!" "Go on." "Oi mate give us a hand with this will you?" "Thanks pal." "No problem." "Oh." "Sorry love." "I thought you were..." "What?" "Nothing." "You thought I was a bloke didn't you?" "I only saw you from back." "I haven't got a man's arse!" "Sorry love." "Honest mistake." "I'm so sorry I wanted to call you but I don't have a contact number." "What happened?" "You had a break-in." "My God." "Those animals." "TV DVD player Xbox." "Laptop speakers..." "You're so unlucky!" "On the contrary." "I'm insured to the hilt." "It's new fucking toys!" "Come on!" "GOOOOAAAAL!" "That's what I'm talking about!" "That's the sound of the Rachid." "Hi Rachid." "All right?" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Hurry up Stu!" "Come on!" "Will someone please turn this fucking song off?" "!" "Yeah?" "I've woken up to a yurt at the bottom of the bed." "I've been staring at this thing for 20 minutes." "It won't go down." "You phoned me to say you have an erection?" "Everything that Kirsty woman said is coming true." "I were happy and now I'm horny." "Do you remember the third stage?" "Fuck the down I'm living in the now!" "You can beat this." "It's doable." "I just had the most miserable fucking dream." "About what?" "I don't know." "I've forgotten already." "But do you see what this proves?" "I'm stronger than my natural biological responses." "So you forced yourself into a state of unhappiness?" "Yeah nice idea mate." "Good luck with that." "I'll remember to send you a card." "Oh God!" "I'm on the verge of knocking one out to In The Night Garden." "What?" "I need female company." "You can suppress it if you want to." "Yeah." "Nice idea mate." "But I don't fucking want to." "Oh fuck!" "Oh!" "Hi again." "Sorry to bother you." "Can I borrow your laptop?" "Mine was sort of stolen." "You want to Google something?" "I need to order something." "Done it done it not interested in doing it." "Oh hello." "You're new." "Curious are you?" "First timer?" "Little bit nervous." "Looking for an experienced arse-hound to guide you into the magic kingdom." "Hello?" "What are you up to?" "I'm not doing anything." "Are you having sex?" "'No.'" "Are you masturbating?" "Sorry who is this?" "You know who this is!" "I'm guessing like me you've hit your horny." "Curtains are shut broadband's unplugged." "Nothing's getting in." "D'you fancy coming over?" "I'm feeling horny you're feeling horny and you want me to come over?" "Why not?" "We can ride it out together." "Cold turkey." "Let me think about that for three seconds..." "Nope." "Doesn't interest me." "Round one to Stuart." "I've beaten the up now I'm going to beat the horny." "Or end up beating yourself off." "No way." "Not one drop of the stuff is going to leave my balls today." "Fuck it I'm going black." "Why aren't you listening to me?" "You don't have to do this mate." "Too late." "He's in my cart." "Huh!" "What are you?" "Gas." "Here to read your meter." "No." "No this isn't real." "This is the opening scene of a porno." "You think it's the first time I heard that?" "Are you going to let me in or not?" "I don't really think that's a very good idea right now." "I have ID." "No." "Please don't do that." "Don't..." "Can you come back later?" "But I'm here now." "Listen." "It's not safe." "OK?" "If I open this door I'll..." "You'll what?" "You don't want to know what." "I'm going through some changes." "Biological stuff." "OK?" "I'm trying to fight it but you're not exactly helping." "I'll be in and out in less than a minute." "I can't control this shit any more." "Please just leave!" "Go!" "You're not an animal." "Oh!" "What the hell are you doing?" "What's it look like?" "Putting a wash on for you." "Did you get those clothes from my room?" "I know you're on nights so I tippy-toed." "Mum you can't just let yourself in and wander round my bedroom." "Why can't I?" "I'm your mother." "I could've had..." "God you know I might've had company." "What?" "What was that snort for?" "Let's just say you're washing twice as many pillow cases as you need to." "Just don't do it again OK?" "Just in case." "Fine!" "Where's your fabric softener?" "Who's that?" "I need a place to hide out." "What have you done?" "Nothing yet." "But I'm weak I'm male and I can't trust myself." "You... you're not making sense." "I'm horny OK?" "I'm really fucking horny!" "Oh." "Hello." "Hello Stuart." "Daniel." "Ashley?" "Well what are you waiting for?" "Get the fuck in here." "Hello?" "In here." "Wow!" "That's quite a welcome." "I thought maybe we'd start off in kitchen doggy-style into t'living room take a little shower wank each other off finish with a reverse cowgirl in the bedroom." "Sorry." "It's Rachid isn't it?" "Yeah Rachid." "Er Mum you don't have to go." "Oh I think I do." "I've heard about this sort of stuff." "This is what they refer to as a booty call isn't it?" "He's just a friend." "Er two pieces of advice." "Make him shower." "And you can do better." "I can beat this." "Come on." "What's this stuff about?" "I thought you could wear them." "You want to reduce me to a black stereotype?" "God." "Sorry that probably looks bad doesn't it?" "I didn't think it through I..." "So this is what you're into?" "No!" "Well yeah." "No I..." "Yeah." "Sorry!" "My dick and my brain are disagreeing right now." "We met a couple of weeks back." "Wetherspoons." "Jager shots disabled toilet." "You were filthy." "You said drop you a text if I ever needed my pipes cleaned." "Yeah." "I remember." "So how are you?" "I'm good yeah." "Good." "Good." "Really good." "Really good yeah." "Hell of a day." "So it would appear." "Mm." "Sorry have I rushed this?" "You could offer me a drink first." "Sure no problem." "Er what can I get you?" "No stay where you are." "I'll help myself from the tap." "Oh fucking disco!" "You know when you know something's wrong but you still want it anyway?" "I'll play a role if you play a role." "That sounds terrifying." "But... acceptable." "Sorry." "Do you mind if...?" "Just..." "You see it's a small detail but..." "You know." "This is a fun way of passing an afternoon!" "Sorry I..." "I just need to take my mind off things." "It's a chemical imbalance." "I'll be all right in maybe... six hours." "Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend?" "Doesn't this fall under her remit?" "No look you're making it out to be more than it was ever meant to be." "Oh you split up already?" "It was just a fuck or two." "You know what I'm like." "I have casual meaningless sex with people it is what it is and then I quickly move on." "No you don't!" "You're like everyone else." "You have sex because you want it to lead somewhere and when it doesn't you tell everyone it was casual and meaningless in order to appear less pathetic." "I'm sorry if I got a bit frenzied back there." "It's nothing I couldn't handle." "Oh shit!" "I've got to get back to work." "What do you do for a living?" "Do you really want to know?" "Not really." "Good." "I'd rather be remembered as the dirty slut who turns up without knickers on than the barrister who lets down her clients by missing court appearances." "You're a barrister?" "Shit." "Just totally ruined that didn't I?" "Probably sounded very unprofessional." "No it's OK." "Safe bet I'll only remember the sex anyway." "Till next time." "I thought men were biologically supposed to think about sex every three seconds." "We do." "Then what's so different about today?" "I've a point to prove." "To who?" "To myself and to that Kirsty woman." "Who's Kirsty?" "Is that even her name?" "I don't know the new shrink at work." "The sort of face you want to pinch." "Thinks she knows everything." "You saw a shrink?" "No!" "I didn't see a shrink I was put in front of a counsellor." "Some crap about the accident." "Everyone has to cover their arses and pretend they actually give a shit." "She calls it post traumatic stress disorder." "I call it up horny down." "But fundamentally you agree with each other?" "We agree the phenomena exists." "Let's take it for granted we're a stupid fucking species." "We witness something horrific we're glad it didn't happen to us we feel the duty to replenish the species but ultimately we remind ourselves that life is brief." "GCSE psychology." "Why did you come here?" "To avoid temptation of course." "I knew you wouldn't..." "You know..." "What?" "Turn you on?" "Well no disrespect but I think I timed it pretty well." "Do you have any idea how insulting that is?" "Look I'm not here because you're ugly." "I'm here because I knew you wouldn't offer anything." "Plus if things were to get out of hand and I did try to seduce you you'd go Robocop on me." "Deservedly so." "How do you know I wouldn't have sex with you?" "Because you wouldn't." "Really?" "Sure about that?" "I know what you're doing." "Let's torment Stuart." "Very funny." "Move on." "Er no." "Let's not move on." "What if I'm going through a horny stage?" "You're not." "I see horrible stuff every day." "Why wouldn't I get horny?" "Even if you did you'd dismiss it." "Cos you're you know..." "I'm what?" "You're above that stuff." "You know you don't think about it." "I think about sex." "Really?" "All the time." "Yeah but you're not... active." "Well not at the moment but..." "Christ Stuart!" "I haven't healed up!" "OK." "You're taking this the wrong way." "A man shows up on my doorstep with the sole intention of avoiding sexual thoughts and you don't see why that might be upsetting?" "To someone else maybe but you..." "Don't have feelings?" "Oh..." "Get out." "I don't want to see you." "Just get out!" "You can't send me out there!" "Not like this!" "Argh!" "Watch me!" "Iranian Embassy Ahmed speaking." "Mate why are you echoing?" "Ash?" "Hello?" "Over here." "The cupboard." "If you repeat a fucking word of this to anyone." "So this is the gay scene is it?" "No." "This is one tiny aspect of it." "Ash?" "This a bad time?" "So you didn't think about sex at all?" "Course I thought about sex." "I always think about sex." "But this time I didn't let it beat me." "I controlled it." "I am now the master of my own biology." "Really?" "I'm pretty sure I'm still in the horny phase." "My God." "Just one wouldn't hurt would it?" "Oh!" "Hi guys." "How's it going?" "Your tits look amazing." "Shit!" "Thank you Rachid." "So how are you all coping with the mood swings?" "Surrendered to them." "Totally." "Mood swings?" "Mood swings." "No can't say I've personally noticed anything." "Well that's great." "Obviously last night's traumatic experience didn't have any impact on you Stuart." "Unless..." "No you wouldn't deliberately suppress anything?" "Cos that would be foolish." "Foolish why?" "Well let's just say I wouldn't recommend it as an emotion regulation strategy." "The more you bury something the more frequently you encounter it." "Eventually you may reach the stage where it can't be buried at all." "So what you're saying is if one of us was to inadvertently suppress their feelings of horniness then they might become a sex pest?" "Well there's a reason why so many nuns end up as nymphomaniacs." "Bullshit!" "Excuse me?" "Bullshit!" "With respect OK?" "I am going to beat biology." "I got doughnuts." "What's up with you two?" "I spent the entire afternoon spanking a girl's arse." "Then making her bark like a dog." "I'm coming to the realisation that I am the most vile human being alive." "I debased an educated black man with a baseball cap." "You know what this is don't you?" "This is the down." "We had the up we've had the horny now this is the down." "I think I'm going to cry." "I want to self-harm." "Seconds out round three." "I'll clean this up all right?" "Come on soft lad you'll be all right." "Got to clean it ain't I?" "What happened to you then?" "I just fell into somebody that's all." "Oh yeah." "Bet you did." "I'm going to just have a quick look at your knee if that's all right." "No." "No you're not!" "No don't!" "Get away from me!" "Don't look up my skirt!" "All right OK." "She's just been hit by a bloke." "All right." "What was the fight about?" "Some twat reckoned I were looking at his woman." "Were you?" "Well..." "Yeah." "Haven't I patched you up before?" "Er couple of weeks ago." "Stab wound in my left shoulder." "Ah yeah." "Yeah I remember." "Yeah." "Not very good at this are you?" "Why do you keep coming back for more?" "It's Friday night." "It's what we do." "Doesn't have to be." "You know drinking fighting looking for a poke." "Know what they call that?" "Social proof." "You see everyone else doing it and you trot along behind them." "Pack mentality." "But you my friend you can break that." "I never used to think it was possible but it is." "You can stop feeling what you're obliged to feel and make up your own rules." "I want to be sick." "Do you though?" "Do you really?" "Maybe you do." "Well my drunk feels a hell of a lot better about the world right now." "You seriously don't feel like shit?" "The world is a beautiful place." "We're no better than any of them." "Bounty or Double Decker?" "Am I sexy?" "I don't think I'm the best person to ask Sarge." "Out of ten what am I?" "Oh please don't make me do this!" "It's an order." "Fine OK." "You're a nine." "You know I'm not a nine." "I'm not looking for a compliment I want the truth." "Well er..." "You've got bumps in all the right places." "You have a nice face." "If I had to grade you as a straight man..." "It's a respectable score." "Then why does no-one try and have sex with me?" "Those dogs we pull out of nightclubs right?" "Some of them are no better than a four but I guarantee they'll be going home and getting some." "Don't think you want to sleep with the blokes they're sleeping with." "I'm a seven-and-a-half." "I should be getting a lot more than what I'm getting." "Shouldn't I?" "Well how much are you getting?" "None." "Then yeah." "Yeah you should." "But it's not a question of looks Sarge." "Men don't like a challenge they like availability." "So I don't look available?" "To be fair I only ever see you in uniform." "Do you like dress up hot when you're off-duty?" "No." "Well there you go then." "If you want it you've got to hold up the banner." "'A man on the B179 bridge is threatening to jump." "'Police are on the scene.'" "Come on have you got anything a bit more upbeat?" "I mean this really isn't helping." "Don't worry." "I've got a question for you." "What the fuck are we doing up here for?" "He might jump hurt himself." "Yeah but he'll fall down there and we're up here." "We can't park down there it might spook him." "We're no fucking good to anyone up here." "They'll send down a stealth." "A what?" "It's basically an invisible ambulance." "Invisible ambulance?" "Mm-hm." "Cool." "Apparently he's got blood on his wrists." "They've convinced him to let us take a look make sure he doesn't bleed to death before he kills himself." "Well good luck with that." "Why does it have to be me?" "I'm depressed I might jump with him." "But you you're so in control of your mood swings." "Yeah this is so not how my day should end." "Thank you thank you very much!" "Hi." "Hello I'm meant to look at a cut?" "Er here." "I don't think it's too serious." "Well I'll be the judge of that." "No you're right." "It's barely a scratch." "You've completely missed the artery." "As if you tried to avoid anything serious." "Have you got medical training?" "First aider at work." "Thought so." "You're not going to jump off this bridge." "Will you keep your voice down?" "!" "Fucking time-waster." "I'm depressed!" "Let me guess you can't quite put your finger on what's wrong?" "I just..." "I can't see anything good any more." "Well join the human race." "My dad?" "Fuck let me tell you about my dad." "If only I could." "What a cunt!" "Women?" "Don't get it yet." "Still a pointless yet attractive mystery." "Career?" "Can't think of one thing to make me rich enough not to give a shit." "So at the moment I'm hoping that everything comes together and works itself out and money rises out of the earth in front of me." "That is exactly my life." "You want my advice?" "Jump now or never jump at all." "Because it ain't going to get any easier." "Best you can do is learn how to manage it." "Your choice." "What did you say to him?" "I told the miserable twat to cheer up and he did." "Come on." "Go on." "Go on fucking come on." "Twats." "It's a bloke he's on wheels there's something up his bum you fucking deal with it." "Thanks a lot!" "Good handover." "Yeah thanks." "Been working on that one." "Comfort break." "I don't think my parents ever wanted me." "Man up mate." "Nearly through it." "Sorry you busy?" "Oh pretending to be." "You?" "Yeah just dropped off an FOA." "Er foreign object in arse?" "You're learning fast." "What can I do for you Stuart?" "Well I just thought I'd pop by and say" "I just had the best work shift in a very long time." "Oh." "No feelings of depression?" "Well they tried to creep in but I crushed them." "3-0 to Stuart." "Well you've beaten your natural biological responses." "Yeah." "I totally fucking nailed them." "I'm very happy for you Stuart." "Thanks." "She was pronounced dead at 6.26 this morning." "Who?" "The woman you brought in the RTA." "The one you squeezed back to life." "She died 18 minutes after you brought her in." "Why didn't you tell me this morning?" "Honestly I was waiting for you to ask." "I haven't thought about her all day." "Yeah you know why?" "Yes." "Because you've distracted yourself trying to nail your up horny down." "It's a classic avoidance technique which I'm sorry to inform you is also a natural biological response." "I said yes before you said that because I know." "I knew 21 hours ago." "I know what the fuck I'm playing at." "My office." "In your own time." "You're off the hook." "How come?" "I sat down with the girl's parents and I told them exactly what you did." "I couldn't lie could I?" "They'd find out." "What did they say?" "They were OK with it." "Yeah but what did they say?" "They said they were grateful someone tried to help." "They said to pass on their appreciation." "It was in my hand do you know that?" "Right there." "Cupped in the palm." "I squeezed on it and I squeezed on it and then right out of nowhere it just fucking jumped." "I mean it was dead and then it jumped." "Right there." "In the middle of my hand." "That's very poetic Stuart." "But you might want to mail it to someone who gives a shit." "Where are you going?" "Supermarket." "What are you doing here?" "Trying to cure a boner?" "No I..." "I wanted to give you this." "Sorry I'm skint." "I couldn't find a park to nick any flowers." "Maybe you can put it in a vase and pretend." "Gosh they're beautiful!" "Listen er I was in a bad place yesterday and I don't think I did a very good job of explaining myself." "It's not I wouldn't have sex with you it's just that I wouldn't expect in a million years that you'd want to have sex with me." "I get it." "I don't give off the vibe pheromone whatever." "Actually I just never assumed I was good enough for someone like you." "I'm tired." "I'd apologise further but..." "I really need to sleep." "You've got a date?" "Yes." "Billy No-Gametes has got a date." "Isn't this a date?" "No this is a pre-date." "Just do me a sperm count." "Telling me you wouldn't get busy with a bunch of ripped firemen?" "I'm telling you exactly that." "Oi you little thief!" "So if you don't like firemen what type do you go for?" "Cowboys Indians..." "So do you like guys older than you then?" "Oh for fuck's sake!" "I'll give you any detail you want." "I'll draw you a diagram." "I'll do you a pie chart." "I think this one's yours." "Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd."