"Allmylife I've been in love with Missy McCloud." "That's her, back at her first grade birthdayparty." "Even at the age ofsix, Missy was the kind ofgirl... that everyonejust liked being around, me especially." "That's me in the back, with the little red fireman's hat on." "And that is the most amazing present in the world." "It took me almost a year to save up enough to buy it." "And when she opened it, I was sure she'd fall helplessly in love with me." " It couldn't fail." " I love it." "Johnny, don'tyou have something for Missy?" "This was it, my golden moment." "In front of everyone, the most exotic creature alive... would fall totally in love with me, forever." "I had the confidence." "I had the gift." " Well, son?" " But I wimped out." "All right, kids, cake time!" "Come on!" "What are you looking at, dirtbag?" "Here, honey, you sit there." "Make a wish." " Happybirthday!" " That's mygirl." "Over the next 12years, I lusted after Missy." "She filled out in all the right places... the ones I'd been reading about in the National Geographic." "The more she grew up, the more helplessly in love I became." "That was the problem." "Well, you know what theysay:" "love makes you do crazy things." "Well, my love for Missy drove me to do the most unimaginable thing... one human being can do to another, but that comes later." "My story begins at the end of my senioryear in high school... on the historic day after Missy broke up with Buck Van Patten... her boyfriend for the last sixyears." "I was ecstatic." "This day was the beginning ofthe end ofmy life." "Damn right, 7:15." "Huh." "Doom." "Hi, Mom." "Hi, Dad." " What's your hurry there, son?" " Today I'm going to ask... the most perfect girl in the world to the prom." "Oh, you're going to ask your own mother, eh?" "Oh, you." "Sit down, honey." "Breakfast is ready." " No time, Mom." " Always time for a good breakfast." " You're absolutely right." " A donut isn't breakfast." "It's fine, Ma." "Where's the vitamin C?" "Where's the fiber?" "I'll eat on the way." "Well, thatway better not takeyou across Mrs.Jones's yard, son." "We don'twant the neighbors to think ill ofus." "Hi, Mrs. Smith." "Morning, Johnny." "Morning, Mrs.Jones. Hopeyou don't think ill of me." "Oh!" "Good morning." "Hi." "Hi, Johnny." " Hello." " Good morning, John." " Beautiful day!" "It certainly is." "Slow it down, Johnny." " Hi, Mrs. Applebaum." " Hi, Johnny." "How are you?" "There she is." "That's Missy, all grown up." "And that's my friend Eddie." "He's a dick, but I like him." "Hey, Missy." "I just wanted to say you look really nice today... in a physically perfect, newly available kind ofway." " Thanks." " Extinguish all talking." "Nowwho can tell me howheroes are created?" " Gerald?" " Th-That's a tricky question." "I don't think heroes are born, I think they're made." "They're normal men faced with extraordinary circumstances." "My personal hero is Jane Goodall." "When shewas born she didn't know anything about apes and their culture..." " but as she grew, shestudiedreallyhard" " Hey, Tiger." " You talkin' to me?" " Mm-hmm." "I know thatyou've been really concerned lately thatyou're still a virgin... and you don't have a date to the prom." "And thatyou're sexually stupid." "But those things, they mean nothing to me." "I loveyou just thewayyou are." "Oh, I see." "I'm dreaming." "Johnny!" "Dingle!" "We're here at the Fairviewgymnasium, thesite ofJohnny Dingle's... most ambitious sexual challenge to date." "And there's Johnny Dingle himself... looking reallypumped up for tonight's event." "The crowdjust loves this kid!" "It looks like he may go all the way tonight!" "And there he goes!" " Oh, and a flag on the play!" " What?" "Personal foul." "The challenger, Johnny Dingle... is not using a regulation-size unit." "He's disqualified!" "What doyou mean it's not regulation?" "This is the most pathetic sexual fantasy I've ever seen." "Say good night, sex boy." "No!" "Go get her." "Attention, students." "There will be a surprise fire drill" " Missy." " Yeah?" "I, uh, I have something I want to ask." "Okay, shoot." " Are you trying to hypnotize me?" " No, no, um." "No, what I want to askyou is this:" "sinceyou're not seeing Buck anymore..." "I was wondering if maybeyou'd like to go" "Make way!" "Move." "Move!" "Buck, what areyou doing?" "What is this?" " I am so sorry." "I'm an idiot." " Well, no kidding." "You stand me up, and then you don't even call me." "My car broke down." "I had towalk eight miles through the rain to get to a telephone." " When I got there, you were alreadygone." " Really?" "I would walk on glass... and eat donkeys foryou." "I can't live knowing thatyou're not mine." "Will you go to the prom with me?" "Of course I will, silly." "I'm sorrytoo." "Let's not fight anymore." "What's up, Dingle?" "Nice zit." "Seeyou, Johnny." " What areyou lookin' at, dirtbag?" " Nothing." "Well, that blew ropy goat chunks now, didn't it?" "It's not over." "That's when I came up with theplan that would change mylife forever." "Andit could have worked too." "It was swashbuckling, romantic, daring." " All right, let me see it." "Let me see it." " This is absurd." "Unfortunately, it depended on Eddie." "All right, give me all your money." "That was it?" "That was menacing?" "All right, news flash." "This just in, Johnny." "Missy is going to the prom with Buck." "You got it?" "Look, you pretend to kill her, I save her life... she thinks I'm a hero, ditches Buck and goes to the prom with me." "How sweet is that?" "This is desperate and this is sick." "I thinkyou should get some therapy." "I do." "With thesteadfast support ofmybest friend... and the cool cunning ofa master tactician..." "I swung into action." " Hi, Johnny." " Hey, there." " That it?" " Um" " Anything else?" " Yeah, um, these." "Freeze!" "Don't move!" "Give me your money!" "Give me your mon" "Give meyour money." "Come on, come on" "What the hell doyou thinkyou're doing?" "Uh, nothing." " Areyou gonna rob this store?" " Uh, yes, yes, I was." "Butyou can rob it ifyou want." "I can come back tomorrow." " I can always come back tomorrow." " Give meyour mask." "Okay, we have one flyswatter, one pair of red, fuzzy dice... yellow army tank." "Anything else?" "Chinese checkers, a birdhouse, perhaps?" "All right, give me all your money, or I'll blowyour goddamm brains out!" " Hey!" "Don't talkto her like that!" " What?" "Who the hell doyou thinkyou are, buddy?" " Excuse me, doyou have a gun?" " No." " Then shut up!" " Not so over the top." "What?" " Shit." " Let's go." "Damn right, "let's go."" "Let's go!" "Look out!" "Johnny?" "Johnny?" "Johnny?" "Oh!" "Oh, my god." "I'm not dreaming." "Would you like to go to the prom with me?" "Sure." "Great." "Oh, Johnny, areyou lost?" "Areyou alone?" "Ifyoufallinyouremptyforestand you cryout, will no one hearyou?" "We here today willjoinyou in such a short time." "We will missyou dearly." "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." "What once was, is no longer." "Amen." " Amen." " Amen." "Good-bye, son." "Be nice to God." "I madeyou bologna and mustard with the edges cut off... just thewayyou like it." "You eat all ofit, doyou hear me?" "You hearyour mother?" "Come on, Marge." "Good-bye, Johnny." "I wish we could have gotten to know each other." "Oh, hi there." "I'm Murray." " Murray Brickman." " Johnny Dingle." "Nice to meetyou, Johnny Dingle." "Oh, look atyou." "You're a mess." "Just crawled out ofthe grave, did you?" " I guess so." " Isn't that something." "Been a long time since anybody came back from the dead." "I think the last time was Thanksgiving, 15 years ago." "Hey, wait a minute." "Did you say come backfrom the dead?" "Yes." "You're now one ofthe undead, Johnny Dingle." "Doomed to spend the rest ofyour days shunned bythe human race." " Whoa, whereyou going?" " Home." "No, you're not." "That's what I'm trying to tell you, Johnny Dingle." "You can't ever leave the cemetery again." "I'm not gonna live in the cemetery the rest ofmy life." "I got a date Friday night." "I'm very sorry." "You'll have to breakthe date." "You're crazy." "I'm going to the prom with Missy McCloud." "I'm sure she's very nice, butyou still can't leave." "Only death awaits you among the living." " I am among the living." " You're undead." "Hey, look, just because I crawled out ofa grave... doesn't mean I'm a friggin' zombie." "It does ifyou were dead beforeyou went into the grave." "Okay, look, I admit maybe I got shot..." " but I didn't die." " You're very unreasonable." "Excuse me." "Where doyou thinkyou're going?" "How could I be dead?" "I've never felt better in my life." "I'm in love." " I feel great." " No,J-Johnny!" " Ifyou leave, you'll" " I'll what?" "You'll find out." " Hi, Mom." " Mmm." " Hi, Dad." " Hi, Johnny." "You know, son, your mother and I and the ambulance driver... and the coroner and the embalmer... were all pretty much convinced thatyou were dead." "I got better." "Huh." "Well, welcome home, son." " Thanks." " Areyou hungry?" "Doyou want something to eat?" "Gee, there's a lot offood left over from the funeral." "Oh, my god." "I am dead." "Johnny, breakfast is ready." "Coming, Mom." "No thanks, Mom." " Hmm, you look a little pale this morning, son." " I'm dead, Dad." "How about some eggs?" " Not hungry." " Not hungry, hesays." "Didyou hearhim?" " Haveyou got a temperature?" " Of course not." "I just told you, I'm dead." "Well, I'm calling Emille Bronson." "I am not going to Dr. Bronson." "I'm not that desperate." "Ho, ho, ho, ho!" "I guess I know oneyoung man who's not going to school today." "Hello, Dr. Bronson." "This is Marge Dingle." "Dr. Bronson, the reason I called is our son, Johnny... died the other dayand I was wondering ifyou could take a look at him." "Wouldyou like to talk to him?" "Sure." "Johnny?" " Eddie Conners?" " Yeah, I'm here." "Johnny Dingle?" "Oh." "Hi, buddy." "Hey!" "Sorry I'm late, Mrs. Cooper." "You wouldn't believe the trouble I had getting here." "I would believe it, and I'm not impressed." " Youget one demerit." " But" "Just becauseyou're dead does not mean thatyou can come waltzing in here when you like." " John Craig?" " Present." " Linda Given." " Here." " Hi." " Hi." " Hey, Missy, wait a minute." " Johnny, hi." "Uh, listen, you know, I think it's really great... thatyou're back from the dead and all, but I've got gym." " But wait a minute." " Is that him?" " Yeah!" "Look, maybeshe's uncomfortable... because, you know, you are recently deceased." " Eddie, come on, be serious." " I am serious, Johnny." "I'm just dead." "It's not like I'm an asshole or anything." "I didn't say you were an asshole." "It's just that some people might consider being dead somewhat... unfashionable." " That's really shallow ofyou, Eddie." " Shut up and eatyourfood." "God!" "I can't eat this." "It's disgusting." "You neverthought itwas disgusting before." "This is totally different." "They must have done something weird to it." "Ifyou don'twant it, I'll eat it." "What?" "What doyou mean, "What?" You just tried to take a bite out ofmy arm!" "Oh, I'm sorry, Eddie." "Itwas just gonna be a little bite." "Johnny, you shouldn't be taking any bites." " Here, let me" " No, no, no!" "You just get the hell away from my arm." "Seeyou." "Missy, hey." "I just want to know what time I should pickyou up forthe prom." "Um, you shouldn't." " What doyou mean?" " I have to go." "Wait a minute." "Areyou mad 'cause I tried to take a bite out of Eddie?" " Oh, no, of course not." " Then what's wrong?" "You're not breaking our date, areyou?" " I came back from the dead for this date." " Well, gee, Johnny... it's just, I really didn't expectyou to make it." "Well, I wouldn't have asked ifl couldn't make it." "I'm sorry." "Hey, look, it's that deadkid." "It's because I'm dead, isn't it?" " That's whyyou won't go out with me." " Don't insult me." "You're afraid ofwhat people might say, aren'tyou?" "Behind your back, everybodywhispering, "There goes Missywith the dead kid."" "Look, that has nothing to dowith it, okay?" "I only said I would go to the prom with you becauseyou were dying." " I'm Buck's girlfriend." " All right then, forget the prom for now." " How about a movie?" "Johnny." " Hi there." " Buck, hi." " Hi." "Dead little snot." "You thinkyou can hang out with us decent living folks likeyou're still alive?" "Why is everyone making such a big deal about this?" "I've only been dead one day." "We'rewatching you, dead boy." "We don't likeyour kind." " You're stinkin' up thewhole school." " Chuck!" "What are people gonna say?" "My girlfriend hanging outwith a decaying kid." "I don't really carewhat people think and he's actually a nice guy..." " so cut it out." " Let's go." "I better not ever catch you with that dead kid again." "I got a reputation." "Eight o'clock." "This was it." "This was the beginning ofa dream come true." "I picked her up early." "I hadall the right moves." "I was like Tom Cruise, only dead." "The stage was set for the most romantic evening in history." "...womb ofhell itself." "Eternally seeking the flesh ofthe living." "Bloodthirstyzombies howling foryour flesh." "Oh, I 'm sorry." "I 'm sorry." "Excuse me." "Thanks." " What are these?" " J u J ubes." "Really?" "Are they good?" "I've never had one." "Never?" "You've never had a Ju Jube?" " Say, isn't that Buck's girl?" " It sure is." " What's she doing here with the dead kid?" " I don't know, man." "They're good, right?" "But what's the problem?" " They're stuck in my teeth." " Right, right." " So whatyou do is take a drink ofyour soda." " Why?" "Just take a drink." "Trust me." "There's something wonderful happening in your mouth now, right?" "I can't believe thatyou came up with a whole system forthis." " Oh, god, I'm sorry." "Let me, um" " No, it's okay." "Bloodthirsty zombies at the foot ofyour bed... howling foryour flesh." "Zombies, like the one right there!" "You know, it's terrible thewaythose zombie movies twist the truth like that." "There's a lot ofprejudice against the undead." "Can I touchyou?" "Uh-huh." "Your skin feels different than most guys." " Does that hurt?" " Not much." "Can you even feel it?" "Uh-huh." "Can you feel that?" "Yeah, I can feel that." "I likeyou, Johnny." "Really?" "Can I kiss you?" "Uh-huh." "Oh, god." "I don't know what it is aboutyou now, Johnny, butyou drive me crazy." "Oh?" " Missy?" " Hmm?" "Oh, I knowyou're already going with Buck to the prom... but I was thinking that maybe" "Whatwas that?" "Your ear." "What?" " Your earfell off." " Oh, shit." "Is thatyou, sweetheart?" "Uh, yes, Dad!" "Here, takeyour ear." "Oh, shit." "But" "I heardsomeone myage is supposed to be comfortable... with the way their body changes, but given the circumstances... this was too much." "Dr. Bronson?" "Dr. Bronson?" " Yes?" " I 'm dead." "Okay, well, you're dead... which is unusual because we don't normally see this much activity in a dead person." " Let's look atyour symptoms." " I'm decaying." "Oh, good." " Decay." "All right." "Is thatyour ear, then?" "It fell offabout 20 minutes ago." "May I see it?" "It's still in good shape." "It's just not on my head." "Hello?" "Hello?" "I'm just teasing." " May I keep it?" " No way!" "Well, I need skin samples so I can run some tests." "Well... here." "Well, that's very disgusting, but I guess that'll do fine." "Isn't there, um, some kind ofmedicine I could takewhileyou lookat that?" " A shot or something?" " To avoid decaying?" " Yes!" " No." "Everything that is dead eventually decays." "Oh, my god." "Wait, wait." "I do think maybe I" " Aha!" " "Aha" what?" "I think I can helpyou with that ear." " You want me to glue it on?" " Well, it's either that orthe staple gun." "Okay, fine." "This takes care of my ear." "What should I do about the rest ofme?" "You reallywant to knowwhat I'd do in your situation?" "That's when hesentme to Maggie Benson." "The doctorsaidthat at the rate I was decaying..." "I'dbe dead, really dead, by tomorrow." "So Maggie was my only choice." "Local legend had it that her husband came back from the dead 15 years ago, just like me." "So ifanyone could help me with my decaying thing, she'd be the one." "Hello?" "Anybody here?" "Oh, my dear boy." "You're a zombie." "So it ripped right off in her mouth, did it?" "Yes, ma'am." "Right off." "That must have been so embarrassing." "You have no idea." "She must be quite a gal." "She is." "But I don't know ifshe'll even see me afterwhat happened." "Have a little faith." "Things aren't so bad." "No, they're pretty bad." "I just found out I'm gonna be really dead bytomorrow." "I was told you knew how to stop that from happening." "Oh, Johnny, I" "I haven't talked about zombies for a long, long time." "I need to live long enough to go to the prom tomorrow night." "I'll do anything." " Oh, no, don't be so quick to" " Anything." "Oh, my dear boy, you don't understand." "There is something you can do... but it is a terrible thing." "Tell me." "Flesh ofthe living." "The moreyou eat, the more timeyou have." "Areyou crazy?" "There's nothing else you can do." "There's got to be." "Look, I almost took a bite out ofmyfriend Eddie and itwas such thewrong thing to do." "He's very mad." " A bitewill giveyou about 20 minutes." " Twenty minutes?" " I needa whole day." " Then you'll have to eat a little more." " How much more?" " Oh, mygoodness, it's hard to say." "An arm, a leg, a stomach, a foot." "It's not an exactscience, you know." "What kind offriggin' nut areyou, tellin' me to go out and eat people?" "I'm not telling you to eat people." "I'm saying eating the flesh ofthe living is..." "buying you a little more time... but it's an awfulprice topay." "Well, it doesn't matter because I'm not eating anybody!" "Well, then you'll be dead bytomorrow." " How the hell doyou know?" " John Dingle, I know." "Well, I'm gonna find a way." "I have acquiredaskinsample... fromJohnny Dingle, 17 andazombie." "In order toprevent him from completely decaying..." "I must use his flesh to create a serum... that will actually reverse the natural process of decay we all suffer... as we grow older." "It stands to reason that his zombie flesh should contain within it... the genetic code for the reanimation of dead tissue." "Ergo, life after death." "Hi, J ohnny." "Hi." "What are you doing here?" "Oh, I just came by to see how you were." "How's your ear?" "Fine." "Good as new." "Let me see." "Wow!" "You know, you can hardly even tell it ripped offyour head." "You think so?" "I was feeling a little insecure about it." "You know, Johnny... you're a really good-looking guy." " You think so?" " Absolutely." "A little style in your" " Oh, shit." " What?" "Sorry." "Oh, that's all right." "It's notyourfault." "Here, let me see ifl can just" "You smell really nice." "Thanks." "Um, my" "I'll get it." "Got it." "Be sureyou get it on straight." "Oh, it's on straight." "There." "Much better." "Listen, Johnny, it's getting kind oflate." "I should probably be going soyou can lay down and let that nose harden." "No, no, wait, wait, wait." "Don't leave, don't leave." " I want to talk toyou" " Let go!" "Johnny, I am not even gonna look." "Just get this thing off of me." " I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." " I'll seeyou tomorrow." "No, wait!" "Everything's fine." "Don't leave." "Minor setback." "Johnny, look atyou!" "I'm fine." "Nothing else is gonna fall off." "Thankyou, God." "Thankyou, God." "Shake a leg, Johnny!" "Breakfast!" "Mom, I told you I can't eat that stuff anymore." "There's got to be someone I can eat." " Back off, dead boy." " Sorry." " Hi, Johnny." " Oh, hi." "Doyourememberlastnight when we were in the car..." " and your ear-- you know, it" " Fell off?" "Right." "Well, that got me to wondering." "What ifyour other earwere to fall off?" "Uh-huh." "Well, then, what ifother stuff started falling off." " I don't know, like your arms or something." " Yeah." "Well, then ifstuff just kept falling off..." " pretty soon" " I'd just be a little pile ofstuff." "Right." "Sowhat I was wondering is ifsomething like that might actually happen?" "Ifit did wouldyou feel different towards me?" "Is thatwhat's gonna happen toyou, Johnny?" "It's-- It's a definite possibility." "Oh, god." "You are so different from any other guy I have ever known." "Buckwould kill me ifhe found out I was going outwith you." "You're decaying and" "Still, god, I wish you weren't dead." "Me too." "You know, I've never kissed a dead guy beforeyou, Johnny." " Gotyou!" " Geez!" "Damn it!" "Holy" "Come here, you stinkin' dead ya-hoo toucher!" " Buck, stop him." " Come here!" "Hey, come on." "Chuck, you don't understand." "Come on, Chuck, let's sit down and just hash this thing out." "I'm gonna kill you, dead boy!" " Come here!" " Maybewe should, uh" "Come here, you stinkin' dead ya-hoo toucher!" "Chuck, look." "Chuck." "Chuck!" "Chuck, let's um" "Chuck." "Chuck." " Chuck, let's discuss this." " Okay." " Uh-oh." " Huh?" "Chuck?" "You okay?" "I am really, truly sorry about this, Chuck." "There's just no otherway." "Oh!" "Oh, no!" "Oh, hi, Eddie." "Youknow, colleges look at this sort ofthing!" " Oh." " Johnny?" "Oh, great." "Oh, my god!" "How could you?" "You ate Chuck!" "Not all ofhim." " Hello, this is Brenda Bodine and we're coming toyou live... from Fairview High School wherewejust received word that some sort oftragic" " Excuse me." "Sheriff McCloud." " I'm gonna have to askyou all" "We just received word that some sort oftragedy has happened in the high school today." " Uh, no, nothing unusual." " I was referring to the slaughter." " Right." "Well, therewas that." " Sheriff" "Earlier today one ofthe students got badly killed." "We've heard reports that the murderer might have been 17-year-old Johnny Dingle." "I'm going to make an official statement here." "Johnny Dingle is dead." "Okay?" "Yes, but then this wouldn't be the first time... that someone has come back from the dead in Fairview... to wreak havoc on an innocent victim." "What is a zombie and how can you tell if there's one living in your neighborhood?" "Ooh!" " Emille?" " What is it?" " You have apatient." " I'm busy." "It's Chuck Bronski." "He was eaten in school today." "All right, all right, I'll have a look at him." "But while I'm doing that, I wantyou to go out and find me a live chicken." " A chicken?" " Just do it!" "All right." "Hello, Chuck." "My name is Doctor Bronson." "How arewe doing today?" "Isee." "Chuck, you've suffered a lot ofbleeding... and there's an ax in your head... and it appears that someone has eaten your stomach." "Pulse is a little lowerthan I'd like." "Let's just take a look atyour retinal response." "Oh, hi." "You must be Big Chuck Bronski." "Hello." "Oh, mygod!" "I havesome badnews." "Yourboyis verysick." "He's lost a massive amount ofblood... and his pulse and retinal response are poor... and, as you can see, there's an ax sticking out ofhis head." " He's not sick, you idiot, he's dead!" " Oh, everybody's a doctor!" "You think maybe I could make the diagnosis?" "It's like somebody ate him!" "What kind ofa monsterwould do that to another human being?" "Mom!" " Here." " I have a big problem." " John, you have a visitor." " Oh, hey, Eddie." "Look, about today, that wasn't entirely my fault." "Oh, it's not just today." "It's yesterdaytoo." " What happened yesterday?" " You tried to eat my arm, pal!" "Oh, I thinkyou owe someone an apology." "I'm sorry." "I'm really, really sorry." "Just--Just don't try to eat me anymore, all right?" " I promise." " Still buds?" " Huh?" " Yeah, still buds." "Ah, that's what I like to hear." "Hi, honey." "Hi, sweetie." "Oh, son, did you by any chance murder a boy in school today?" " It wasn't murder." "It was an accident." " Well, I hopeyou didn't eat him." "'Cause lunch is in five minutes... and I picked up something special foryou at the supermarket." "Oh, boy!" " Hi." " Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy." " Mmm!" " You picked up a little kid!" "Am I wrong, or doyou have to eat the flesh ofthe living?" "Mom, I absolutely can't do that anymore!" "Well, there are hungry people all over the world who'd be thrilled to eat him." "Yeah, my mom says that to me all the time." "Come on, justsendhim home!" "Uh, I'll get it." "Oh, shit!" " Mr. Dingle?" " Yes?" "I understand thatyour boy is a zombie." " Mm-hmm, yes, that's right." " Well, he killed and ate my boytoday... so me and some ofthe other guys decided to come over and talk to him." "Uh, hold on." "Honey!" " There's somepeople here who want to talk toJohnny." " Invite them in!" "Uh, I don't want them to think ill ofus." "Well, uh, oh!" "Honey, this is the father... ofthe boythatJohnny murdered in school today." "I know how difficult it is to lose a son." "We lostJohnnyjust a couple ofdays ago." "Yes, ma'am." "I'm still reeling." "So is there someway we could see the boy?" "Sure." "I think he's hiding in the closet.Johnny!" "Come on out, sweetie!" "Are theygone?" "Whoa!" "Hey, quit it!" " Oh, wow." " Will you cut it out?" " Ooh, wicked, awesome." " Uh, fellas..." "Johnny's already dead, you see... so, um, you're gonna have a hard time killing him." " Hi, Daddy." " Oh, hi, little Chuck." " Little Chuck?" " This is little Chuck?" " What areyou doing with my one remaining son?" " Nice going, Ma." "Daddy, that deadman triedto eat me." " Stop it!" " Thatwon'twork, you idiots!" " But this will." " Excuse me." " You wouldn't shoot me." " I might." " Jesus!" " Nowget out ofmyhouse... or I'll clipyour manhood." "All right, Ma!" "Come on, let's get out ofhere." "Let's go, little Chuck." " All right, Daddy." " We'll be back." "It was time to stop running." "Time to summon up the courage that had eluded me for 12 straightyears." "Time to complete my life's mission." "It was still there." "Waiting patiently for this moment." "Gathering a little dust, sure... but otherwise... untouched." "I had the confidence." "I had the gift." "This time I was definitely ready." "I was actually not looking forward to going to the prom." "And then my mom found this place where they dye your shoes in the exact same shade... as your fabric... and they're also dyeing my purse." "Can I tellyou..." "I am so relieved that you are going to the prom with Buck." "I mean..." "I heard this really nasty rumor thatyou might be going with that dead kid." "Oh... no." "We just went to the movies together." "He died for me." "I figured it was the least that I could do." "N-No big deal." "Hi." " Johnny, please, just leave." " No, you have to listen to me." "How canyou expect me to listen toyou after whatyou didto Chuck?" " I wanna talk toyou about that." " There is nothing you can say to make things better... because you ate someone, do you understand that?" "Wait a minute!" "Areyou afraid I might eatyou?" "Is that the problem?" "Areyou kidding me?" "Will you just leave me alone!" "You may not know this, Missy, but I ate Chuck foryou." "God, my boyfriend won't even pump gas for me." "What?" "Oh, geez, Miss, I didn't wanna eat him... but itwas the onlyway I could live long enough to go to the prom with you." "You ate someonejust to go to the prom with me?" "I died foryou!" "I came back from the dead foryou." "I loveyou." "Come on, let's go." " I don't understand, Johnny." " What?" "How... you can love me so much?" "Howyou can do all these things for me?" "By god, ifit ain't the zombie out with a livin' woman." " He's mighty proud." " Go get Chuck." "Look, Miss... other people might wantyou becauseyou're pretty and popular... and theywanna be seen with you." "I wantyou because I loveyou." " And I always have." " It's not natural." " What's this?" " Open it." "I've been tryin' to giveyou this since the first grade." "Oh." "Youare the kindest, smartest, most beautifulgirl I've everknown." "And, uh-- And I would die happy... ifyou would dancejust one dance with me at the prom." "I would love to go to the prom with you." "This mornin' he eats your boy and now he's out there kissing' on the McCloud girl." " Hey, what areyou doing?" " Shut up, you little zombie slut!" " I am not a slut." " Leave her alone." " She's a good girl." " Good girls don't hang around with dead boys." " Tramp!" " Zombie lover." " Whore ofthe undead." " Enough!" "It's not her fault." "Shewas taken in by his wily decaying ways." " That's not true, Buck." " You don't even know whatyou're saying." "I'll kill him." "I swear I'll kill him." " Daddy." " What the hell is goin' on here?" "Johnny Dingle's what's goin' on." "Johnny Dingle is dead." "Right?" "Yes, sir." "He ate my son and he's takin' your daughterto the prom." "So I'dsaythat'spretty damnedactive fora deadguy." "I demand a zombie burning!" "I wantvengeance for my son." "Yeah, you're damn right!" "Missy, Johnny, let's get in the car." "Something's gotta be done." "Yougot untilsundown, Sheriff, to banish that abomination." "After that..." "he's ours." " Why, hello, Sheriff." " Well... to what do we owe the pleasure ofyour visit?" "I was hoping to have a word with you about Johnny." "I think maybe it's time for the Dingles and the McClouds to have a little chat." "Well, this just looks wonderful, ma'am." "Let's all dig in." "John, honey, I wonder, could you get us some butterforthe croissants?" " Sure, Mom." " Thankyou, dear." "Mom?" "Excuse me." " What the hell is this?" " A body." "I know it's a body." " Who put it here?" " I did." " You did?" " I thoughtyou might like a snack." "A snack?" "What are we, the Manson family now?" "Where did you get this body?" " Found it." " You found it?" "I was at the mortuary." "They're practically giving them away." "Mom, they don't give bodies away... at the mortuary." "I sure like beans." " Everything okay, then?" " Right as rain." "Mm-hmm." "Then let's get right to it, Johnny." "I knowyou killed Chuck Bronski." "He didn't kill him, Daddy, hejust ate him." "That's enough, young lady." "I'll have no moresmart talk out ofyou!" "Daddy, what about those guys at the Donner Pass who ate their friends?" "Nobody got mad at them." " Would you excuse me for a moment, Sheriff?" " Ofcourse." "You know what Big Chuck Bronski and the townspeople would like to do toyour son?" "They'd like to break out some torches and have themselves a zombie barbecue." " What do you want me to do?" " I'll makeyou a deal." "You leave town right now, quietly, never show yourface around here again... andI willkeep the townspeople offyou untilyou get away." " This sounds like a good deal." " Okay, but only... ifl can escort Missy to the prom first." "You are not taking my daughter to the prom, you stupid dead son-of-a-bitch!" " I am going with him, Daddy." " You are not going, and that is final!" "You are being so unfair." "What doyou have againstJohnny besides the fact that he's dead?" " You need another reason?" " What areyou so afraid of?" "Thatyou'll eat her, for one thing." "Oh, that's crazy!" "I would never eat Missy!" " He didn't eat us." " He didn't eat the dog." "See?" "Look, you little tough guy... you get outta town now or I will personally kill you again." " You don't frighten me?" " Oh, no?" " And you can't stop me?" " Really?" "And what can I get formadame?" " Duck, please." " Oh, tres bien." "And for the monsieur?" "I will have the T-bone steak." "Excellent choice." "And for the lepetit monsieur... may I suggest the delicious buffet?" "Getyourfood, honey." "You just don't knowwhen to stop, doyou, you miserable little shit?" " This is the buffet?" " You tell me?" "Is there anyone in myfamily you don't plan to eat today?" " I didn't do this." "I'm not gonna eatyou." " 'Causeyou're a coward." " You shut up." "Shut up!" " Coward." "Coward." "Oh-ho, you're pretty tough when it comes to eating' high schoolers." "When it comes to chowing' down on a real man, you're quite the littlewussy, ain'tya?" "Listen, pal, you say one more thing" " Wussy." "Wussy." " That's it." "Johnny, don't do that." "Oooh." "Not so easy, is it?" "There's a lot oflivin' in that foot." " There, smart-ass." " Foot's easy." "There's nothing on a foot." "Now, calf's a different story; all muscle!" "We'll just see about that." "Oh, you can kiss that calf muscle good-bye, fat man." "I'm stuffed." "You call that eating?" "A herd of guppies could've picked me clean in halfthe time." "Come on, it looks yummy." "Yummy." "All right." " Johnny!" " Missy!" "Daddywas right; you were gonna eat me, weren'tyou?" "Don't be ridiculous, I would never eatyou." "And why not?" "What, I'm not good enough foryou?" "Johnny..." "I thinkyou should try." "Come on..." "take a little bite." "Don'tyou understand?" "I loveyou." "And I loveyou, Johnny." "That's why I wantyou..." "to eat me." "Don'tyou wanna eat me?" "Well" " Johnny?" "Johnnyhoney?" " Mom?" "Areyou all right, son?" " Yeah." " You don't lookvery good." "Where's Missy?" "Come in." "Why aren'tyou dressed?" "I'm not going." "Oh, sureyou are, honey, come on." "Hey, Buck's gonna be here anyminute." "I am not going to the prom with Buck, Daddy." "The only person I want to go to the prom with is Johnny." "Damn it, Missy!" "Now, honey, I know thatyou care about this boy, but... in a couple ofmonths you are going to go offto college... and you'll meet a niceyoung man who's still alive." " Won't that be better?" " I don't want a living boy, I wantJohnny." "Get dressed!" "You are going to the prom with Buck!" " I am not going to the prom" " And that's final!" "Johnny, areyou okay?" "I'm really sorry about my dad." "It's okay." "Look, ifyou still wanna gowith me, put on your gown..." " and I'll carryyou down the trellis." " Okay." "Aaa-oooh!" "Johnny?" "Johnny?" "Oh, Johnny." " My, uh" " My muscles are starting to decay." " Oh." "Johnny." "Here, grab my hand." " Areyou kind ofdying now?" " Kind of." "Maybe this'll help." "I wantyou... to eatme." "She is verytender this evening." "Eat me." "Don'tyou wanna eat me?" " Aaah!" " Oh, my god." "It's okay, Johnny." " Oh, my god, I'm sorry." " No, it's okay." "I don't care." " I can't takeyou to the prom." " No, Johnny." " Don't be silly." "It's fine." " I have to go." "I have to go, Missy." "Johnny, no." "Buck called." "He'll be here in a moment." "Get dressed..." "and come downstairs." "Oh..." "I can't watch." "The chicken... feels no pain." "Now, this won't hurt a bit." "Emille." "Get in there." "Okay." "Yes." "Itworks." " Emille." "Oh, I'm so proud ofyou." " Itworks." "Oh, Shelley, I'm about to save a young man's life." "A moment every physician dreams of." "Hopeyou won't think harshly ofme, darling, but I'm having a thought." " Quick, the solution." " Supposewe obtain a sizable quantity ofthe zombie flesh." "A few arms, a few legs." "He's almost dead already." " I don't followyou." " Then ifwe took the flesh..." " and mixed up a really big batch ofyourwonderful serum" "The fountain ofyouth; cosmetic surgerywithout the surgery." "Shelley, nothing must prevent me from honoring a promise I made to a young man... in terrible, terrible trouble." "I thinkwe could make a shit load ofmoney." " What the hell areyou doin'?" " No, no, what the hell areyou doin'?" "I'm leaving." "I can't take Missyto the prom, I just tried to eat her." " Well, then get readyto say, "Eddie, you're a genius."" " Why?" "Because I solved your problem." "I know howyou can go with Missywithout eating her." " You do?" " Mm-hmm." "My plan is so perfect, so simple." " What is it?" "Yes!" " You ready?" "Eat Buck." " Areyou crazy?" " Let's look at this logically." "Your biggest fear is that ifyou go the prom with Missy, you might end up eating her." "Not ifyou're alreadyfull." " Eddie, come on." " Ifyou eat Buck, Missy's gonna needa date to theprom." "You'll be full, andyou'll live longer." " Would you be serious?" " I am serious." "I'm very, very serious." "Johnny, you're already going to Hell for all eternity, so... what doyou care?" " God, I hate that guy." " Eat him." "Eat him quick." "Put on his tux and then honk the horn." "Missywill come out... you two willgo theprom together, Missy'sparents will thinkshe's goin' with Buck." "It couldn't be more perfect." "Let's jump him on three." "It's brilliant." "One... two..." " three!" " No, I can't." "Hi." "Foryou." "I have to go now." "I can't trust myself to be around people anymore." " Look, I don't care ifyou're a" " No, this is it." " I won't ever seeyou again." "You know that, right?" " Yes." " You're the worst friend I've ever had." " You too." "Just don't forget me, Eddie..." "after I'm gone, please?" " Just don't forget me." " I won't." "I have wonderful news." "Ask me what?" " Would you come on already?" " I'm saving your life." "Hop in." "We're going to my lab." " Go get Missy." " Okay." "Oh, it looks so cool." "I guessyou'd rather be herewith the dead kid." "His name isJohnny." "Ifyou like him so much, then why didn'tyou gowith him?" "I did wanna gowith him." "Hejust didn'twanna gowith me." " Areyou telling me thatyou got dumped bythe dead kid?" " Missy, wait!" " What doyou want, dick-weed?" " I need to talktoyou aboutJohnny." " Johnny doesn'twanna bewith me." " Of course he does." "Hewas just afraid that ifhewas with you, he might end up eating you." "You have two seconds to get out ofmyface, ass-wipe." "Then, I'll ripyour spine up through your mouth." "Oh." "Oh." " Wow!" " Wow." "Where's Johnny?" "Getting saved." "What Missy and Eddie didn't know was that... across town at that verymoment..." "Dr. Bronson was hitting a level of weirdness I had never dreamed possible." " Why are you strapping me down?" " Standard operating procedure." "Will it be painful?" "Well, define "pain."" " Oh, god." " To saveyou..." "I'm gonna have to borrow like a few cells from your body." " How many?" " Oh, just a few." "Maybe 40 pounds." "40 pounds!" "Areyou crazy?" "I can't spare 40 pounds offlesh!" " All right, 30." " No, not 30, not 20" " Don't be such a baby!" " Well, you kick in 40 pounds offlesh." "Johnny, I'm not the dead guy." "Don'tyou thinkyou're being a little irrational?" "Would you explain how cutting 40 pounds offme..." " is gonnasave mylife?" " It's not." " It's not?" " No." " Then how does it help me?" " It doesn't." " It doesn't?" " I may not have found a way to save you... but I have discovered a way to useyour remarkable flesh... to create a serum... to rejuvenate old skin to make people feel younger and lookyounger." "Cosmetic surgery without the surgery." "Th-That's" " That's how I'm gonna market it." "You're gonna cut me up and make me into soup soyou can give peopleyounger-looking skin?" "It sucks foryou, huh?" " Let me go, you son-of-a-bitch!" " Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "This will be a lot easier ifyou just... relax." "No!" "Oh, no." "Oh, oh!" " Here we go now." "Now, just-just, okay." "Here we go." " No!" "Okay." "Oh!" "Just a minute, a minute.Just a minute." "What doyou want?" " We want the zombie!" " Yeah!" "Well, there's no zombie here." " We think hewent in there!" " Well, you're a very confused man." " Wesawhim." " Now, go home." "Good night." " What's going on out there?" " There's a mob thatwants to kill you." " But don'tworry, I need to kill you more." " Oh, great." "Oh, unfortunatelywe don't have time for an anesthetic." " What?" " All right, all right, okay." " No!" "No!" " Uh, uh." "Uh, oh!" "Just, just don't move." "One... two... three... ram!" "Uh-oh." "You stay right there." "God, Johnny, what's going on?" "You okay?" "Three... ram!" "Aaa-aaah!" " Where is he?" " Where is who?" " The zombie!" " What zombie?" " The only damn zombie running through town, you idiot!" " Can you describe this zombie?" "Stop thatzombie!" "Is he here?" " Let's findhim!" " We saw him come in here." "Aha!" "Where is he?" "I'm sure I don't know whatyou're talking about." " Your friend, the zombie." " We're just here to get our flu shots." " Down here." " Get him!" "Come on, let's findhim!" " He's aroundhere somewhere." " Save a few chunks for me!" " Where is he?" " What?" " Where'd the zombie go?" " Overhere!" "Down there!" "Johnny, run!" "Oh." "There he is!" "Oh." " Which way?" " Hewent thatway." "Murray!" "Murray!" " Hurry, open the gates!" " Johnny." "Hi, Johnny." "Murray, open the gate." " Hurry up!" " What is it?" "What?" "What?" "Oh, dear." "Oh." "Well, I warned you." "You wouldn't listen." "Hurry." "We're closed." "Run, Johnny, run!" "Whoa!" "Oh!" "Huh?" "Now, I've gotyou, Johnny Dingle." "It's barbecue time." " Light up the zombie." " Stop!" " You leave him alone!" " Get up, little girl." " Get off of me!" " Getyour hands offher." "Honey..." " let the zombie go and I'll buyyou a pretty new dress." " No, Daddy." "This way, Marge." "This way." "Son?" "Son, frankly I don't care who thinks ill of us." "Just..." "get the hell away... from ourson." "Well, Sheriff... do something." "Okay." "Light up the zombie." "No!" "Daddy!" "You can't." "He died for me." "He came back from the dead for me." "He ate someone for me." "Everything that happened to him happened because he loved me." "Sheriff?" "Sheriff?" "Uh... would you have died for her?" " Of course." " Would have come back from the dead for her?" "I don't know." "Could you have eaten someone to be with her?" "No." "No." "Could any ofyou?" " Huh?" "Huh?" " No." "I rest my case." "Well, he won't die by my hand." "Then he'll die by ours." "Who votes we kill 'em?" "Well, I hope somebody eats thewhole damn bunch ofyou." "Fatheads." "Ifmy daughter desires a dance with this fineyoung man... then by God they're gonna dance." "So there I was getting apolice escort to the prom with Missy." "It was the best moment ofmy entire life." "I was also prettysure it was gonna be the last... but right then, that didn't matter." "What mattered was I was gonna have the dance I'd been waiting for since the first grade." "That much I was sure of." "But still, nothing could've prepared me for what was about to happen." "We finally got our dance, sweetie." "Johnny, no." "Please don't go." "I..." "Iove you." "I love you too." "Ah, thereyou are." " You." " What?" "What?" "We've been waiting!" " For me?" " Ofcourse foryou... you dumb sloat." "You see anyone else who was supposed to be here four days ago?" "Hey, look, I'm, uh" "I'm really sorry." "I-I didn't know anybodywas waiting." "When you die, you are supposed to come directlyhere... where we pass judgement... andsendyou to Heaven or Hell." "You are not supposed to climb out ofthe grave, muck around on Earth waiting to die... a second time!" "I-I-I didn't plan that, itjust happened." "Sorry about all theyelling." "Here's the situation:" "There's been a little mistake." "What kind ofmistake?" "The fact is... you weren't actually supposed to die in the convenience store." " What?" " No, no, just calm down." "It's all here." "May 28th, 8:33 p.m.:" "Robber enters convenience store, threatens Missy McCloud." "She attempts to stop robbery." "Robberturns to shoot her, in doing so knocks over a pot of coffee with his elbow." " Wait a minute!" " Mm-hmm?" "Hewas supposed to slip on coffee?" "Supposed to, but... didn't." "It doesn't happen very often but somewhere someone screwed up and the result is... a sad, tragic mistake." "The result is I'm dead!" "Wheneverwe..." "make a mistake... we try to rectify it by giving the person a second chance on life;" "a chance toprove their worth." "That accounts for the existence ofthe occasional zombie." "What they do when back... from the dead determines what we do with them in the afterlife." "Hey, look." "I wanna talk to you about Chuck." "He was practically dead before I ate him." "I'm sorry." "It's time you were on yourway." " On myway to where?" " To whereyou belong, Johnny Dingle." "To whereyou belong." "Next." " Hi, Johnny." " Hey." "All right, gimme all your money or I'll blowyour damn brains out." "Don'tworry." "Everything will be okay." "Let's go!" "Let's go!" "Look out!" "Johnny!" "Now he knocks over the coffee." "Oh, god, Johnny." "Ever since the first grade I've been desperately in love with you." "You're the kindest, smartest, most beautiful girl I've ever known." "And after I'm gone..." "I justwantyou to know thatyou meant more to me... than life itself." "I loveyou, Missy." "You're not shot." "What?" "The bullet hit this thing you werewearing." "You tried to sacrifice your life for me." "You'd have done the same for me." "Trust me..." "I know." "Would you like to go to the prom with me?" "And that's it." "That's the whole story." "I know it seems prettypreposterous but it happenedjust that way." "IfI had to do it all over again and I could do it differently... nothing." "Well, I take that back." "That's not entirely true." "I think I would have eaten Buck."