"It's 8:00 in wonderful Coombs County, where once again... state police have refused to confirm or deny... more of those mysterious "lights in the sky" sightings by local residents." "Roving air reporters spoke with Miss Josie Floss, who made such a sighting." "I seen that sighting' with my own eyes." "And when I called the police, they told me it was swamp gas." " Bullshit!" "Ain't no swamps in Coombs County!" " Gonna be a sparkling' day." "Sparklin'." "Makes me crazy!" "Clara!" "Clara!" "My electric's gone out again, Clara!" "I'm gonna miss my soaps!" " Oh, stop your yakkin'." " Bill?" "Bill, Elvira's blacked out again!" "Pass the word." " Have a nice day, honey." " Thanks, Mrs. Boone." "You too." "Elvira's got no electric." "She can't see her soaps, she'll hyperventilate." "Great day for a picnic, Maggie!" " Can't wait, Mr. Boone." "Catch yourself a big one!" " If I can!" "Granny, I fixed you lunch and put it in the fridge." " Have fun, child." " Sure you're gonna be okay?" "I'll be fine, dear." "Now you just run along." "Bye!" " Hi, Mrs. Rogan." " Hi, Maggie." " Did you find that picnic basket yet?" " Mmm-huh." " It's in the living room." " Oh, thanks." "Where's Alex?" " Where else?" " Right." " Louis." " Good morning, space-son Louis." " Earthling." " Louis!" " Yoohoo, Jane!" "Elvira's electric is out again, and she's gonna get hyper if she can't see her soaps!" " Bleep." "Granny, tell Elvira that Alex'll be over to patch her electric in time for the soaps." "I'll tell her, Jane." "Elvira!" " Louis!" "Louis!" " Bleep-bleep." " Go tell Alex I need him." " Beware, aliens." "Louis Rogan... the cosmic cadet, the space avenger, is on your case." "Greetings, Starfighter!" "You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur... and the Kodan Armada." " Get ready." "Prepare for blastoff!" "Okay." "Let's go." "Prepare for target light practice, Starfighter." " Mom's lookin' for you, Alex." " Uh-huh." " Right there!" "Right there!" "Aim." "They're onto the center." "Shoot 'em, okay?" "Now from the bottom up, okay." "There's one right over there." "Okay, doin' good." "Right up there." " Move your head, will you, Louis?" " Uh, sorry." "Maggie!" "Hey, you guys." "Hi." "How ya doin'?" "Come on, Alex." "They're here!" " Maggie, queen of the trailer park!" "Well" " Starfighter Alex Rogan requests permission... to turn the bridge over to my little brother, Louis, sir!" " Um" " Okay, you dorks are dead." " You are defeated." "Twenty-five cents more, please." " Oh, crapola." " Rogan, Come on." " Hey, Alex, how you doin', man?" " Just" " Just a second." " Hey, Alex." "Let's do it, buddy!" " What are you doin'?" " Come on, Alex." "Hurry up!" " Alex, did it come yet?" " Uh, no." "I don't think so." "What's it this time, Rogan?" "You joining' the Foreign Legion?" "Yes, sir, folks." "Step right up." "Meet boy adventurer Alex Rogan... on the last leg of his worldwide tour ... to nowhere." "Funny, Blake." "You guys think I'm gonna hang out here, watch you shine your pickup... go to the drive-in, get drunk and throw up every Saturday night... go to City College like everybody else?" "Forget it, man." "I'm doin' somethin' with my life." " Oh-ho." "Mr. Serioso." " Alex!" " Yeah?" " Honey, Elvira's electric is out." "Oh, Ma, that's gonna take all day." "I was goin' to Silver Lake." "Honey, I know." "I'm sorry." "I'm working lunch and dinner." "I'm gonna be in town all day!" "Oh" " All right." "Okay, Ma." "I'll do it." " Thanks, honey." "We're gonna be late." " Look." "You, uh" " You'd just better go ahead without me." " No." "Alex, I'll stay." " No." "That's okay." "This'll take a while." "Uh" " I'll catch up with you later." " Alex" " [ Man ] Bye-bye, Rogan!" "See you, dude!" "Alex, come help me!" "Hey, Alex." "Could you give me a hand here?" "Thanks, Alex!" "What should we do tonight?" " I don't know." " How about cards?" " Hey, that's a good idea." " But we played cards last night." "Well" " The missus wants to go into town tonight and go dancing." "The fish were really bitin' down there at the stream." "It was pleasant fishing' today." "Yup." "It's gonna be pleasant tomorrow too." "Gonna be a pleasant summer according' to Farmer's Almanac." "Yeah." "I love the Farmer's Almanac." "I've been readin' it for years." "Greetings, Starfighter." "You have been recruited by the Star League... to defend the frontier against Xur and the Kodan Armada." " Yeah." "Yeah." " Get ready." "Prepare for blastoff." " Prepare for target light practice, Starfighter." " Oh, hi, Alex." " Hey, Otis." "Where's your Maggie?" "Good question." "Out having a good time, I guess." "Oh." "And you never have a good time." "Is that it?" "Oh, sure." "I love patching 30-year-old fuse panels... and plunging people's toilets." "Otis, I-I never even get a chance to have a good time around here." "Things change." "Always do." "You'll get your chance!" "Important thing is, when it comes... you gotta grab it with both hands and hold on tight." "Enemy squadrons in Sector 367 closing fast." " Thanks, Jack." " You're welcome." " Good night, Maggie." " Good night." "Thought you were gonna meet me at the lake." "What happened?" "Same thing that always happens:" "I couldn't get away." "Where's everybody else?" "Oh, they went to a movie." "Old Jack Blake just happened to be going your way, huh?" "Enemy squadron in Sector 3." " He said it was on his way." " Blake lives on the other side of town." "Come on, Alex." "I wanted to get back to you." "Okay?" "Good show, Starfighter!" "Way to go." " Alex, look!" " Oh, my God." "What is that?" "900,000!" "900,000!" "You gonna bust the record!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Listen up, everybody!" "Alex is going for the record!" " Record?" " Take" " Take a hand." "Got 'em!" "Oh, come and get that one!" "You can do it!" "Otis, what are you yelling about?" "What's wrong?" "Come on!" "C-Come on!" "He's going to bust the record!" " Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Everyone get back!" "Don't crowd him!" "I said, get back!" " Alex, you never got this far before!" " Go, Alex!" "Good boy!" "Kodan command ship entering kill zone." " Command ship!" " Oh, command ship!" " What's a command ship?" " You can do it, Alex!" "You can do it!" "One more now." "Come on!" "That's the one!" "That's the one we want!" " Yeah!" "Yeah!" " Good night." "Way to go, Alex!" " 'Night, kids." "Alex, you're something else." "You're wonderful, boy." " Thank you." " If I said it once, I said it a thousand times." " That boy's gonna go places." " That's one smart boy." "'Night, Alex." ""'Night, Alex"?" "Wait a second." "Maggie?" "Maggie?" "Hold on a second." "Where are you going?" "What's wrong?" "Well, I guess it just hit me." "You really are leaving here, aren't you?" "Of course, I'm leaving." "We're both gonna leave here." " Both of us, Alex?" " Yeah." "We-We-We talked about this." "When I get to school, I'm gonna find a place, and I'm gonna come and get you." " Well, what about Granny?" " Granny?" "Truth is you're scared of leaving this trailer park." "I'm not scared of leaving this trailer park, Alex." "Hey." "Listen." "Whatever happens, it's you and me forever, right?" "Right?" " I love you so much, Alex." " I'll always love you, Maggs." "Diarrhea." "Maggie!" "Maggie!" "Alex, I got to go in." "'Night." " 'Night." " 'Night." "Someday they're gonna say, "This is where it all began."" " What?" " Mom, I finally broke the Starfighter record." " Oh, that's nice, dear." " Nice?" "It's stupendous!" "Uh, Alex..." "Mr. Brenner knew that you'd want to see this as soon as possible... so he brought it by the diner and, uh" "Well, I was so excited, I-I opened it." " Oh, that's okay." "What is it?" " It's about your loan." "You can... still go to City College with your friends." "Greetings, Starfighter." "Greetings, Starfighter." "You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier." " You have been recruited-- Greetings, Starfighter." "You have been recruited" "You have been recruited" "You have been recruited" "Get ready." "Prepare for blastoff." "Hello." "Excuse me, son." " Store's closed, mister." " I'm not here for cigarettes or bubble gum, my boy." "Can you tell me the name of the person who broke the record on that game over there?" "Where I might find him?" "Alex Rogan." "You're lookin' at him." "Alex Rogan." "Aha-ha." " Who are you?" " Centauri's the name." " I invented Starfighter, which is why I'm here." " It is?" "It is." "We have to talk about a matter of utmost importance." "Step into my office." "That's it." "Come on now." "Nothing to be afraid of." "Oh, yes." "Say hello to my assistant, Beta." " Howdy." " Ow!" " I must congratulate you on your virtuoso performance." "Centauri is impressed." "I've seen 'em come and I've seen 'em go." "But you're the best, my boy." "Dazzling." "Light years ahead of the competition." "Which is why Centauri is here." "He's got a little proposition for you." "Are ya interested?" " I guess." " Hey!" " What are you doing?" " Listen." "Centauri wants to keep it for a surprise." "Trust me." "Oh, ho-ho-ho, you're gonna love it." "Love it!" "The amusing thing about this:" "It's all a big mistake." "That particular Starfighter game was supposed to be delivered to Vegas... not some flea-speck trailer park in the middle of tumbleweeds and tarantulas." "So it must be fate, destiny... blind chance, luck even, that brings us together." "And as the poet says, "The rest is history."" "Where are you going?" "Where are you taking me?" "I told you." "I wanna save it for a surprise." "Hey." "Are you the kind of kid who reads the last page of a mystery first?" "Who pesters the magician to tell you his tricks?" "Who sneaks downstairs to peek at his Christmas presents?" "No." "Of course you're not!" "That's why ~ I'm not gonna tell you ~" "Oh, God." "Besides, I just love surprises, don't you?" "Hey, look out!" " Stop!" " Oh, dear!" " Hit the brakes!" "Hey" "Ohhh, sh" "Shifting into star drive at Columbus Theta." "Hold tight." "Prea tahd." "Prea tahd na." " Prea tahd na." " Prea tahd na." " Prea tahd na sat suela." "Prea tahd na." "Hey." "Hey, let me out of here!" "Rinkyin see." "Kitae." "Kitae." " Kitae." " There's a perfectly logical explanation for all this." " Kitae." "Kitae un na." "Na." " Hey!" "Wa--Wait!" "Where you going?" "Hi!" "How are you?" "Uh, what is this?" "Listen." "Do you speak English?" "I'd" "Uh, this is nice but, uh" " Hisanja pt." " Hisanja?" " Honee mat suela!" "Prea tahd, prea tahd." "Pt pt." "Centauri, what's goin' on here?" " He's just saying how delighted he is that you're here." " Na prea." "And if there's anything he can do to make your stay more enjoyable, just give him a ring." "My stay?" "What are you talkin' about?" "Where are we?" "Welcome to Rylos, my boy!" " Rylos?" "Wait a minute." "You mean-- You mean like in the game?" "Oh, he's quick." "He's quick." "He's very quick." "He's speechless." "So long, Alex!" "Have fun!" "May the luck of the Seven Pillars of Gulu be with you at all times." "Oh, someday these cheapskates will thank Centauri." "Trust me." "Bula!" "Where the hell is June?" "Yolanda, baby!" "Hi, Maggs." "Hi, Louis." "Is he up?" "Yeah." "He's been up all night... moaning." " Alex?" "Your mother told me about the loan." "Is there anything I can do?" "Listen." "I'll be next door if you need anything, okay?" "Gunstars." "I gotta be dreamin'." "Eeyai... kita." "Yeah, right." "Kita." "Listen, there's been a big mistake." " Immediately after situation report." "Navigation" "Welcome to Starfighter Command." " You speak English?" " No." "You hear English thanks to your translator device." "Hurry up." "We haven't got much time." "The briefing begins immediately." " Join the other recruits." " Wait a minute!" "Wait a minute!" "Wait a minute!" "What are you talking about, recruits?" " I don't believe this." "Attention." "Attention please." "Ambassador Enduran has arrived... and will now address Starfighter Command personnel." " As you all know, we have been on a desperate quest..." " Excuse me." "Excuse me." " to find Starfighters and navigators" "I should" " I should crush you to gorun dust!" "I'm sorry, uh-uh-- It was an accident." "I-I-I didn't mean to step on your, uh-- whatever that is." " Hideous creature." " If I may continue." " Our forces have" " You don't trifle with a Bogati." "They love to fight." "That's why they're perfect for this war." " Did you say "war"?" " But of course!" "Why else do you think you're here?" "You were recruited by the Star League to defend" ""...to defend the frontier against Xur and the Kodan Armada."" "Oy, vey." "Eons ago, our ancestors created our great frontier... a barrier of energy encircling the peaceful systems of the universe." "And forever shutting out the scourge that lurks beyond." "Fellow Rylans, because of a dark betrayal..." " our frontier will soon collapse." "So we turn to you, Starfighters and your navigators." "For of all the billions of creatures in the Star League... only you few were found to possess the, uh-- gift." "You, and you alone... stand between us and the black terror of the Kodan." " Victory or death!" " Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Victory or death!" "Now, Starfighters, if you will reach underneath your seats..." " you will find a packet which contains one hand trans" "This is a restricted area off-limits to" "My apologies, Starfighter." "Star Navigator First Class Grig at your service, sir!" "Hi." "I'm Alex Rogan." "I was playing this game back home, and this guy came up to me." "Only he's not a guy." "He's an alien, right?" "And I get into his car." "Only it's not a car." "It's a spaceship." "And, uh-- There's been a big mistake." "Am I to understand you're actually declining the honor of becoming a Starfighter?" " You got it." " Extraordinary!" "For eons, all creatures have dreamt of being Starfighters." " Where you from?" " Earth." "And we're not at war with anybody except each other." "Earth?" "Earth isn't a formal member of the Star League... and isn't due to be approached until it matures." "This is all highly irregular." "Tell me." "Who recruited you?" "Centauri." " There he is." "That's him!" " Centauri." "I might have known." "~ Di-aye-diliddle-di-di Dum, dum, diliddli-- ~" "Up to your old Excalibur tricks again, eh, Centauri?" "Did it ever occur to you that it is against the law... to recruit from worlds outside the Star League?" "Earth's in danger too, isn't it?" "And, no, I didn't use the Excalibur test." "It was called a video game." "What's all the brouhaha?" "After all, he does have the gift!" "This may come as bit of a shock to you, but he doesn't want to be a Starfighter." "Doesn't want to be a-- Are you a coward?" " Are you crazy?" " You didn't tell me about any of this!" "Return the money, Centauri!" "Return the money?" "Are you delirious?" "You know how long it took to invent the games, to merchandise them... to get 'em into the stores by Christmas?" "It must be terribly embarrassing for you, and I do sympathize." "However" "But I saw him fight!" "He could be the greatest Starfighter ever!" " That was a game, Centauri." " A game?" "You may have thought it was a game, but it was also a test." "Aha!" "A test!" "Sent out across the universe to find those... with the gift to be Starfighters." "And here you are, my boy." "Here you are!" " Right!" "Here I am, about to be killed!" " Killed." "You don't seriously think it's dangerous, do you?" " Don't be silly!" "Trust me!" "Xur!" "Xur!" "Xur?" "Yes, Father, your mighty frontier... grows weaker by the moment." "Do not call me father!" "You are no longer my son!" "You're an outcast!" "Why have you returned?" "I have returned for the good of all Rylans." "With an armada of Kodan warships behind you?" "There are some Rylans who would welcome me, Father." "Star League justice put down your Xurian cult." " Your followers are few and scattered." " Star League?" "A refuge for weak worlds not worthy to be our equals!" "That is for the Rylans to decide... and not for a dangerous and evil child such as yourself." "And yet it is this child... who caught your master spy." "Hear me, Rylans!" "When the green moon of Galan is eclipsed..." "Kodan armada will invade." "And not even your mighty Starfighters will be able to save you." "We shall see, Xur." "We shall see!" "You still want to go?" "And miss all the excitement?" "Little brat." "I invent the game, find the kid... drag him up there, and he doesn't want to be a Starfighter." "I give up!" "Control, do you copy our star angle difference... from parking angle?" "Delta beta two at six, delta gamma three at five." "Emperor Xur ordered me to bring his scepter." "Let him enter." "Target vector remains on scope." "Just like your Kodan emperor's, isn't it, Commander Kril?" "It takes more than a scepter to rule, Xur-- even on Rylos." "You're right, Kril." "It does take more than a scepter." "How long must we endure this fool?" " We have a break in the frontier." " Fire the meteor gun!" "My dear Kodan friends!" "Lest we forget... it was your own emperor who granted me command of this armada." "For only I hold the secret to the frontier." "Only I know the location of the Starfighter base." "And therefore, only I will give the order to fire!" "Forgive me, Xur." "You are forgiven, Commander Kril." "Meteor gunner... fire." "Sergeant!" "I have an unidentified incoming object in Sector 31, sir." "They're headed for the base!" "Alert!" "We are under attack!" "I repeat:" "We are under attack!" "Activate automatic repulser guns." "Condition Red!" "Condition Red!" "At last it is done!" "Soon the frontier will be down and they will bow to their new emperor!" "Or I will darken the sky with their ashes." "Commander, the Xurian spy reports that one Starfighter has escaped." "Escaped?" "You sure I can't give you a hand?" " You've done quite enough already." "Thank you." " Well, uh" "It's only a few more miles from here." "I guess" " I guess I can walk it." "So long!" "Bye, Centauri!" "Oh, Alex!" "Here!" "Hey, listen." "I can't take a present from you, Centauri." "Oh, ho-ho-ho" " He reduces me to poverty again and he thinks I'm giving him a present." " What a world this is." " What is it, then?" "It's a second chance, my boy!" "If you change your mind, just tap the communo-crystals." " Keep it." " Ahh, Alex, Alex!" "You're walking away from history." "History!" "Did Chris Columbus say he wanted to stay home?" "No!" "What if the Wright Brothers thought that only birds should fly?" " And did Geloca think the Yulus were too ugly to save?" " Who's Geloca?" "Never mind." "Listen, Centauri." "I'm not any of those guys." " I'm a kid from a trailer park." " If that's what you think... then that's all you'll ever be!" "Hey, Maggie!" "Listen to me." "You're not going to believe this." "I told you, Alex." "Me and my-- how did you put it-- strange sexual urges aren't talking to you anymore." " Who's there!" " Shh!" "You're gonna wake up Louis." " Hey, you look like me!" " 'Course I do." "I'm the beta unit." " What the hell's a beta unit?" " A beta unit is a simuloid-- an exact duplicate of you, only not as loud." " Huh?" " I was in the starcar, remember?" "We shook hands?" "I became you... unfortunately." " Let me get this straight." "You're a robot?" " I beg your pardon." "I'm a state-of-the-art, top-of-the-line beta unit... put here as a courtesy replacement for while you're away." "Lucky me." " What are you doing back?" " Are you kidding?" "It's war up there!" "Oh." "Save the whales and not the universe, huh?" "Well, why don't you go up there and fight?" "Simuloids can't fight." "We're not allowed." " Well, tell 'em that you're me!" "Pretend!" " Be quiet, Alex." " Sorry, Louis." " Sorry, Louis." " Thanks for the lift!" " See you around!" "Greetings, Starfighter." "You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and" " And, hey, what did you do to Maggie?" " Do to her?" "We're sittin' outside lookin' at the stars and she sticks her tongue in my ear." "I screamed." "I'll apologize tomorrow, okay?" "You're not gonna be here." "You're goin' back with Centauri right now!" " What's up, Alex?" " Back to sleep or I'm tellin' Ma about your Playboys." " You're blowin' it, Alex!" " What the shit?" " I said, back to sleep, Louis... or I'm tellin' Ma about your Playboys!" "Come in, Centauri." "Come on." "Get back here." "And take your Tonka toy with ya." "Greetings, Starfighter!" "You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against..." "Xur and the Kodan armada." "Gree" " Greetings, Starfighter!" "You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the-the frontier against Xur" "Where are ya?" "Come on, where are ya?" "Centauri?" "Greetings, Starfighter!" "Centauri?" "Oh, shit!" "Come on, Alex." "Don't be such a wimp!" " Centauri, look out!" " What the" "Whew!" "Foul stench!" "Dirty creatures." "Get a good look, Alex." "You can bet your asteroids you'll be seeing more of them." " What?" " This is a Zando-Zan." "An interstellar hitbeast, compliments of Xur." "Xur?" "Why is he after me?" "Somehow he found out you're a Starfighter." "So you see, Alex, you gotta go back." "You got no choice." "'Cause if you stay down here, you're dog meat." "Trust Centauri, my boy." "Because in two hours... this place will be crawling with ten Zando-Zans... with just one thought on their microscopic little minds:" " Kill Alex Rogan." " Kill Alex Rogan." "He's right, Alex." "At least up there you'll have a fighting chance in a Gunstar." "Exactly." "Meanwhile, down here, they'll be going after Beta." " Beta." " Beta?" " Of course." "What do you think he's here for?" "Wait a-- Wait a second here, Centauri." "Alex, look out!" "Centauri!" " Beta, get a doctor!" " No." "No native cures." "No witch doctors." "I'm fine." "Just a scratch." "Now face it, Alex." "You're a born Starfighter." "Are you with me?" "Okay, let's go, Centauri." "Good luck, Alex." "You too, Alex." "Centauri to Starfighter Command." "Centauri to Starfighter Command." "Come in, please." "Hey, Centauri." "All personnel." "Starcar is approaching Docking Gate 12." "Centauri!" "Centauri!" "Hey, hit the brakes!" " Grig!" "Hey, Grig!" " Alex!" "They got Centauri." "He's hurt!" "He's right over here." "Ah, you see?" " Centauri brought him back!" " Yes, I see." "Don't talk." " Does he have my money, Alex?" " I have a fortune for you, Centauri." " Now, please be still." "It's here." "It's all here." "Piles and piles of it." "All for you." "Ah." "At last." "Alex, I want you know... it was for the greatest good I brought you back." "'Course, it-it" "It never hurts to be rich." "Until the next dimension, old friend." "I'm sorry, Alex." "Centauri?" "Centauri?" "The frontier could collapse at any moment." "Alex!" "Now I need an ear job." "Dyin' here." "Dyin'." "Alex, what the hell's goin' on?" "Louis, you're having a terrible nightmare." "Go back to sleep." "Louis!" "Oh, no." "Am I to understand there's a beta unit taking your place back home?" " He's trying." " So it's safe to assume... that Xur thinks you're still on Earth." "Yeah." "That could work to our advantage-- theoretically." "Ah!" "Now you look human!" " Is this my Gunstar?" " This is a prototype-- different from the other ships." "She has a greater range, more power, and a slight weapons modification." "And of course, she's got deflective plating... so she can withstand several direct hits." " From here... this is where I navigate the ship, maintain life support and propulsion systems." "Okay." "Where do I sit?" " Way up there, in the gunnery chair." " Hang on!" " Okay." "Now, climb into the gunnery chair." "Now, I'm moving you into launch position." "There in front of you are the two switches for your heads-up display." "Turn them on." "While you're engaging the enemy, the screen will reflect all battle instruments toward you." " Hey, where did it go?" " It's still there, suspended in a Xenon mist." " But it's only visible if you look dead ahead." " Ah." "Got it." "The lever on your left is the chair controller." "As you can see, all guns will track with your every move." "Grasp the target control with your right hand." "At your fingers is the weaponry:" "the lasers, photon bolts" "Photon bolts and the particle beams." "Wait a minute." "This is just like back home." " What's this?" " Careful, that's Death Blossom, a weapon of last resort." "Luckily, I was in here working on it when the hangar went up." "Now, are you ready?" "All systems" " Go!" " Ignition!" " Wh-When" " When did the hangar go up?" " I told you:" "When Xur attacked." " And where were the Starfighters?" " In the hangar!" " You mean they're dead?" " Death is a primitive concept." "I prefer to think of them as battling evil in another dimension." "In another dimension?" "How many are left?" " Including yourself?" " Yeah." " One!" " One?" "Hold it." "There's no fleet, no Starfighters, no plan?" " One ship, you, me, and that's it?" " Exactly!" "Xur thinks you're still on Earth." "Classic military strategy." "Surprise attack." " It'll be a slaughter!" " That's the spirit." "No, my slaughter." "One ship against the whole armada?" "Yes." "One Gunstar against the armada." "I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against incredible odds." " Target lights, Alex." " Target lights?" "Yes." "You might want to squeeze off a few rounds while you have a chance." "Just work the bugs out of the system." "After all, it is her maiden voyage." "Steady." "Don't fight the chair." "Take your time." "Watch your gun sight." "Lead your targets." "And above all, relax!" "Terrific." "I'm about to get killed a million miles from nowhere... with a gung-ho iguana who tells me, "relax."" "Interstellar!" " Alex!" " Sorry." "Okay, now, come on." "Ease it up." "Okay." "Oh, that's" " That's it." "Easy." "Nice and easy." "Yep." " A little bit more and we'll get it in there, now." " Alex!" "Sorry." "Hi, Maggs." " Alex, are you all right?" " Yeah." "Yeah, I'm-I'm fine." "Come on." "Try it again." "Did you smell anything?" " Like what?" " Like a Z" "Forget it." "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for slapping you last night." "Oh, that-that's okay, Maggs." "Uh" "I deserved it." "I'm sorry." "Well, maybe we can make it up to each other tonight at Silver Lake?" " The armada will break through the frontier here... and reach Rylos in 20 klicks." "Squadrons of deck fighters will precede the mother ship." "Squadrons?" "How many squadrons?" "It isn't the number of squadrons that concerns me." "It's this communication turret that sends out the commands to the deck fighters... which enables them to act as one during the fight." "Wait a second." "We knock out the turret to get the fighters." "But to get the turret, we have to get through the fighters." "We're dead." "I'll have it all figured out by the time we reach the frontier." " What's that?" " The frontier." "Strange." "What's a cargo ship doing this close to the frontier?" "Hail." "This is Gunstar One." "I repeat, this is Gunstar One." "Identify yourself, please." "Alex, look out." "A Xurian ship!" "Congratulations, Alex." "This is your first live target." "Live?" "Within range in five klicks." "Get ready!" "I've blocked its beam of frequency, so it can't report back to the armada." " Fire when ready!" " Grig, wait!" "We mustn't lose them in these caves, Alex!" "Fire!" "Shoot, Alex!" "Shoot!" "You did it!" "I did it?" "You did it!" "You almost got me killed!" "Uh" " My deepest apologies, Alex." "I had hoped that by putting you in the thick of battle, a great Starfighter would emerge." "But alas." "Perhaps... there was never one within you to begin with." "I shall take you home." "You still may live a long and fruitful life back there." "That is, until the Kodan reach Earth." "But then again" "~ When it all goes wrong ~" "Hey, yo, Blake!" "Make that sucker blast, man!" " You got it, dude!" "All right!" " Whoo!" "~ You've seen things I never heard ~~" "So Blake comes back in to grab his pants, right?" "Sees her old lady, and says, "I hope this doesn't rule out dinner on Tuesday night."" "That's my man!" "Alex, are you okay?" "Hmm?" "Yeah, sure." "Why?" "I don't know." "You're just acting spaced out." "You're" " You're not yourself." "Well, if you were me... what would you be doing right now?" "Well, for one thing, I'd be trying to enjoy myself." "Leaning back." "Kidding around." " Laughing." " Laughing?" "Well, it's a start, Alex." " Laughing." "~ There are things I'd like to say ~~" "Nice place." "Reminds me of home." " This reminds you of home?" " Oh, yes." "I live below ground... with my wifeoid and 6,000 little Griglings." "At least, until Xur turns them into slaves." " Where does your kind live?" " Oh, uh, houses, mostly." "That's caves above ground." "See, here." "Here's my family." "See, that's" "That's my folks and my brother, Louis... and that's Maggie." "Uh, we live in a mobile home." "That's a cave that-- that goes places." "Only we never went anyplace." "A mobile cave that never went anywhere." "Fascinating." "Yeah, but we have below-ground caves near the trailer parks." "Me and my brother, Louis, used to play hide-and-seek in 'em." "Hide-and-seek." " What is it, Alex?" " Well, I was just thinkin'... maybe we could hide here..." "Let the armada pass by, and then hit the turret from behind." "Then we might take them by surprise." "Your plan might really have worked." "What a pity there are no Starfighters left to carry it out." "Yeah." "Yeah." "A Xurian base!" "Two more dead ahead!" "Closing fast!" " Earth course is logged into navigational beams." " Grig?" " What is it, Alex?" "Maybe there is a Starfighter left." "Ow!" "What's wrong?" "Should I put my tongue in your ear now?" "Don't bother, Alex." "Well, it's just" " I'm kind of new at these gland games." "What are you talking about?" "It's like you're a million miles away, Alex!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Wait." "Darling." "Darling, forgive me." "Darling, forgive me." "Come on!" "You're my Juliet." "My Venus." "You're my Juliet." "My Venus." " Alex!" " All the other girls meant nothing to me." "It was you, you, you." "Shut up and talk dirty to me." "The other girls meant nothing to me." "It was you... you, y" " Should I talk dirty to you now?" " That does it." " Oh, God." "All right." "I give up." " I'm not Alex Rogan." " What?" "I'm a beta unit." "I'm an exact duplicate of Alex." "He's up there saving the universe, while I'm down here for target practice." " See?" " Alex!" "Or whatever you are." "Wait." "Wait." "What are you d" " Let me go." "If that Zando-Zan reports back that I'm not Alex..." "Alex is in big trouble!" " You're stayin' here." " No, I'm not going anywhere until I find out what's going on!" "Hey, my truck!" " Hey, hey, come back!" "Scratch that paint, and you're dead, Rogan!" "Ready to invade, Commander." " Invade." " The Xurian ships have not answered our invasion code." "The frontier is down, the moon is eclipsed, the Starfighters are dead." "Invade!" "All squadrons ahead, half speed, with energy probes on." "Energy probe." "Shut down, Alex." "Shut down." " Power off." "Alex?" "In space?" " Is this for real?" " Yes!" "That's what I'm trying to tell you!" " It's all for real!" " Well, then, don't talk." "Drive!" "Commander Kril, we're getting a signal on the alert frequency." " Acknowledge." "There it is." "All right." "Now, when I give the signal, we're gonna jump!" " What do you mean, "jump"?" " We're gonna ram him." " What?" "Extermination Emissary Zeta-six one message:" " Ready?" " Jump!" "Alex!" " The last Starfighter" "You owe me one, Alex." " Alex!" "Transmission pulsars have stopped, Commander." " The last Starfighter" " Is dead!" "The last Starfighter is dead!" "Nothing can stop us now." "Ahead full." "To Rylos!" "The command ship!" "There!" "The turret at the far end!" "I see it." " Good luck, Starfighter." " Thanks, Grig." "For everything." "I love you, Alex Rogan." " Six." " Heads up display." "Check." " Five." " Lasers." "Check." " Four." " Particle beam." "Check." " Three." " Proton bolts." "Check." " Two." " Chair control." "Check." " One." " Let's do it." " Tracking alert." "Unidentified craft." "What is it?" "Wait." "Gunstar!" "So... the last Starfighter is dead?" "This has gone far enough." "Seize him!" "How dare you?" "I am the Emperor of Rylos!" "I and I alone command this entire op" "Release me!" "I command you!" "You will pay for this with your lives!" "All guns-- fire!" "There it is-- the turret!" "Alex, now!" " Yeah!" " Got it!" "Hurry, Alex!" "Fire!" "The armada's almost to Rylos!" "Hatchway to pod activated." "Escape pod ignition." "The Gunstar is gone from our sensors." "Alert wing commanders." "Communication turret is destroyed." "All communication radar systems are out, Wing Commander." "Proceed with a visual attack formation." " Life support good." "Ammo packs at peak." "I think we've got to use Death Blossom." "Remember, Death Blossom delivers only one massive volley at close range." " Theoretically." " What do you mean, "Theoretically"?" "After all, D.B. has never been tested." "It might overload the systems." "Blow up the ship." "What are you worried about?" "Theoretically, we should already be dead." " Hmm." "Mmm." "Open Death Blossom petals." "Switch is on." "Do not trigger D.B. until we're within range." "Just use your lasers until I give the signal." " Remember" " I've been recruited by the Star League... to defend the frontier." " Now, are you ready?" " This is it." "Here we go." "Charge!" "On your right!" "Your left!" "Evade!" "Power packs are low!" "We need time to recharge!" "Laser power draining!" "Grig, my weapons are gone!" "Should I do it?" "Easy, easy." "Wait till they're all in Death Blossom range!" "Fire!" " We did it." " Yes, we actually did, didn't we?" "The command ship!" "Our guns are out." "Damage control is repairing them." "Forget the guns!" "Ramming speed!" " Grig, we need power!" " Death Blossom's drained all power." "I'm working on it." "I'm trying to ram boost." "All we have left is life support power!" " Grig!" "All right!" "Weapons on!" "Target now!" "Fire." "Fire!" "Damage report!" "Guidance system out." "Auxiliary steering out." "Divert!" "Divert!" "She won't answer the helm!" "We're locked in the moon's gravitational pull!" "What do we do?" " We die." "Yahoo!" "On behalf of the Star League and all citizens of Rylos..." "I congratulate you on your dazzling victory." " Thank you." " Thanks." "But as you know, the frontier is down..." "Xur escaped, and there is still danger." "So I was wondering if you wouldn't be willing to stay on... and rebuild the Starfighter Legion." "Wait a minute." " Rebuild the Legion?" " Yes." "Of course, you'd have the help of an old friend." "An old friend?" "Who?" "Centauri!" "I thought you were dead!" "Me die and miss all the excitement?" "Oh, no." "I was merely dormant while my body repaired itself." "I won't bore you with details." "Suffice it to say, you're on Rylos, my boy." "Stop thinking human." "That's lesson number one." "Now, lesson number two" "You've got a good thing going here." "Keep smiling." "Don't blow it." "Lesson number three-- Always trust Centauri." "Alex, they love you!" "See?" "All Rylos is behind you." " You've got to stay, Alex!" " You will stay, won't you?" "Of course he'll stay." "That's very reassuring, Centauri." "Grig, I leave it in your capable hands." "I'll stay." "Alex!" "Alex!" "Greetings" " Greetings, starfighter." " Bunny, have you seen Alex?" " Can't say that I have." "Well, ask Maggie." "She knows where he is." "She was with him." "Maggie, where's Alex?" "Yeah, where's my truck?" "Where's your boyfriend?" "Mrs." "Rogan, about Alex:" "You see, he's" " What is it?" " What's going on?" "I don't know." "Oh, my God!" "Whoo!" "All right!" "We're being invaded!" "Maggie." "Maggie." " Alex?" " Hi, Maggs." "Alex, is it you?" "I mean, is it really you?" "Look!" "My God." "It is you." " It's Alex!" "Alex!" " Alex, what is going on here?" "What is this thing?" " Is this a spaceship?" " I don't know what's gotten into him." " I don't understand that." " It's so strange!" " Wait." "Hold it." "Hold it, everybody." "Alex, what is all this?" "I, uh" " I've been to another planet, Ma." " Another planet?" " Who was it helped fix my antenna?" " Yeah, who stole my truck?" " And cut my electric?" " And ruined my stove?" " Oh, that was" " That was a beta unit." " Beta unit?" " A robot." " Robot?" "What the" " Come on!" " A monster!" " A monster!" "Hah!" " He got them chains on him." " All right!" "It's an alien!" "Oh, no, wait!" "Hey, hey!" "Granny, put away that shotgun." "What's wrong with you?" "This is my friend Grig." "I want you all to meet my friend here." " You gotta be kiddin'!" " Grig, this is Mrs. Boone." " Hello." " Hello." " And, uh, this is Elvira." " Delighted." " Me too." "How you doin'?" " I do well." " And this is Granny." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" " And this here's Otis." " A pleasure." "Any friend of Alex" " And, uh, this is Maggie." "A very large pleasure." "Hi." "You must be Louis!" "I hear good things about you." "Hear that, you slimes?" "I'm famous." "And, uh, this is my mom." "You should be proud of Alex, Mrs. Rogan." "You must all be proud of him." "He saved the Star League... and hundreds of worlds, including Earth." " Oh, for heaven's sake!" " Oh, my God!" "Time to leave, Alex." " Alex?" " I have to, Ma." " They need me up there." " Oh, Alex, I always knew you'd leave someday... but I never expected this." "Gee, can I go too, Alex?" "Can I?" "Sorry, squirt." "There's only enough room up there... for me, Grig and Maggie." " Me?" " Yeah." "Alex, I-- I don't think I can" "Come here." "Come here." "Why else do you think I came back?" " Well" " Didn't we say we'd always be together?" "Well, yeah" " I mean, together here or in the city." "But-- But up there, Alex" "Maggs, you gotta come." "You see, I'm not-- I don't know when I'm gonna be back." "Don't you see?" "This is it." "This is our big chance." "It's like what Otis says" "When it comes you gotta grab on with both hands and hold tight." "Well, what about Granny, Alex?" "You're right." "I'm scared of leaving here." "Why can't you just stay?" "Maggie, I have to leave, and I want you to come with me." "Alex!" "Hurry!" " Well, I gotta go." " Um" "Bye." "Alex, we can't hold off their radar any longer." "Yeah, okay." "I gotta go, Ma." " Bye." "Take it easy." " Bye, darling." "So long." "So long, everybody." " Bye, Alex!" " Bye!" "Bye, Alex." "Bye, Alex!" "Alex!" "Granny" "Be sure and write, or whatever it is they do up there." "Alex!" "Wait, Alex!" " Get back!" "Come on!" " Bye!" " Keep your distance!" " Watch what you're doing." "Keep your distance, now." "This baby really packs a punch!" "Look at him!" "Bye!" "Oh, go on." "They're gonna be happy up there!" "So long, Alex!" " So long, Alex!" "We're gonna be famous, aren't we, Otis?" "Yes, sir!" "The whole world-- the whole universe-- is gonna know about us!" "Starlite, Starbrite" " The place where Alex and Maggie left for the stars!" "Louis!" "Louis!" "Greetings, Starfighter." "You have been recruited by the Star League... to defend the frontier against Xur and the Kodan Armada." "Wow!" "Supply, rip, specials  package:" "The_Saint © 2002"