"(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "(theme song ending)" "(crying)" "(crying)" "Shh!" "(crying)" "Shh... there we go." "(mouthing)" "(mouthing)" "(Lucy mouthing)" "(Ricky mouthing)" "Honey, isn't it wonderful that Little Ricky has his own room and we got all this space here?" "Yeah, wonderful, dear." "I'm sure glad you talked me into moving." "So am I." "Look at this beautiful place." "Oh, everything is just great." "Ugh!" "What's the matter?" "That ratty old couch and that nasty-looking coffee table-- they just don't belong in this beautiful room." "Lucy, what's on your mind?" "Nothing... nothing." "Now that you mention it, though, I did see an ad today for the most beautiful couch and coffee table you've ever seen." "The couch was a three-piece..." "No new couch, no new coffee table." "Finish, closed." "Aw, gee, Ricky, you should look at this ad." "It's the most beautiful couch and coffee table you've ever seen." "It's only $299, and..." "Just forget it." "So, what are you doing that for?" "I may have to live with that couch but I don't have to look at it." "I think any normal person feels the way I do." "I'll bet Ethel Mertz thinks that those two pieces are just awful." "Have you been coaching Ethel on what to say?" "Certainly not, I haven't even mentioned it." "I'd be ashamed to." "Hi, folks." "Hiya, Fred." "Hi, Lucy." "Hi, Ethel." "Ugh!" "Oh, that ratty old couch and that nasty old coffee table-- they just don't belong in this..." "Hold it, hold it, hold it, Ethel." "The performance has been canceled." "No new furniture." "Why not?" "Ask Mr. Ricardo." "Or as he is more commonly known, Sefior Tightwad." "All right, I'll tell you what I'll do." "I'll leave it up to an impartial observer." "Fred, what do you think of this couch and this coffee table?" "What are you looking for?" "The price tag-- it's brand-new, isn't it?" "Isn't it sickening the way men stick together?" "Come on, Ethel, I don't like the atmosphere around here." ""Brand-new, is it?" "Where's the price tag?"" ""Brand-new."" "Well, it was a good fight, Lucy, but you lost." "Gee, Ethel, this is terrible." "What am I going to do?" "What do you mean, what are you going to do?" "He isn't going to buy you any new furniture so you'll just have to live with the old." "You don't understand." "I went down to the furniture store this afternoon and, well, there was a big sale on and..." "You didn't." "Yes, I did." "They're delivering it in the morning." "Oh, Lucy!" "Do you suppose they accept mothers with children in the Foreign Legion?" "Ethel, where have you been?" "I've been trying to find you all day." "I had some shopping to do..." "Oh, Lucy!" "Oh, it's just beautiful!" "No, Ethel!" "What's the matter?" "Don't sit on it!" "Well, that's what it's for, isn't it?" "Well, I know, but it's much too pretty to sit on." "Well, all right, but gently, huh?" " Ha-ha!" "It's comfy, too." " Isn't that wonderful?" "You should see the close call I had this morning." "Ricky no sooner closed that door than they delivered the furniture." "They must have passed each other in the hall." "Oh, what are you going to do when he comes home?" "Pray." "Well, good-bye, Lucy, it's been nice knowing you." "Now..." "The only plan I have is to hide the furniture." "Hide it?" "Yeah, that way, if he doesn't see it the minute he walks in," "I may have a chance to soften him up, you know." "Where are you going to hide all this stuff?" "Well, the bedroom is no good." "The bathroom... no." "Won't fit in that closet." "Let's put it in the kitchen." "He doesn't go in there very often." "In the kitchen?" "Yeah, it's the only place." "Come on, help me, will you?" "Okay." "Get a hold of the other end." "That's right, now, all together:" "one, two, three, four!" " Oh!" " Oh!" "Oh, I forgot, it's in sections." "Just help me with this piece." "All right." "There." "Ready?" "Yeah." "Oh, come on, push, Ethel!" "I am pushing." "Well, push harder." "There must be something in the way." "Yeah, my fingers." "Well, I don't understand." "We got the other two sections out here all right." "What's the matter?" "I'm coming around to your side and help you push." "Maybe that'll do it." "Where are you going?" "I'm going through your apartment." "Okay, now, let's both have at it." "All right, now level off." "There it goes... oh." "Go that way." "(grunting)" "It's stuck again." "Yeah, it's stuck on the edge of the sink." "Oh..." "Look, I can get the door closed;" "that'll at least hide it." "Let's get your old furniture and put it back so Ricky won't suspect anything." "All right." "I'll help you push it out here." "Watch out for your hands." "Okay." "There." "There we are." "Now, where's the rest of your furniture?" "Lucy?" "Where's your old couch and coffee table?" "They took it in the down payment for the new stuff." "You just going to leave this great big hole in the room?" "Well, it's better than having a great big hole in my head." "That's what would happen if Ricky came home and saw all that new furniture." "Can I stick around and watch?" "No." "Why don't you sell tickets?" "This is going to be the best fight since Dempsey fought Willard." "I know what I'll do" "I'll serve dinner out here." "That'll hide the fact that some of the furniture is missing." "How you going to get in and out of the kitchen?" "Oh..." "I won't" " I'll have everything we need right out on the table before we start." "Oh, I haven't got much time." "Will you get the card table out of the closet?" "And the tablecloth, too." "Oh!" "Hi, honey!" "Oh, hi, dear." "Did you have a nice day?" "Yeah, wonderful, honey." "That's good." "Well!" "Oh, I thought we'd eat in the living room tonight, dear." "You know, it's nice and cozy and comfy." "Sure, that's a wonderful idea." "What happened?" "Somethings missing." "It is?" "The couch and the coffee table are gone!" "Oh, so they are." "Well, where are they?" "Gee, I don't know, they were here a minute ago." "I wonder where they went." "Here, couch, here, coffee table!" "Here, coffee table!" "(whistling)" "Here, coffee table, here, coffee table!" "Lucy..." "What have you done with the couch and the coffee table?" "I sold them." "I'd rather have nothing than look at that junk." "Uh-huh..." "I can see through your little scheme." "I know what you've done." "You do?" "You figured that if you sold the old stuff," "I'm going to buy you some new furniture." "Well, now that you mention it, that was my little scheme." "It won't work." "Well, I'm glad I didn't spend too much time on it, then." "Well, let's talk about it after dinner, huh?" "After dinner." "Yeah." "All right." "Oh." "You see, it's kind of nice having dinner in the living room for a change, don't you think?" "I think so..." "looks good, too." "Where's the butter?" "Butter?" "Yeah, butter." "What do you want to do with it?" "I thought I'd put some on my bread." "Butter on bread?" "Yeah." "I'll never get used to your strange Cuban dishes." "Okay, I'll get it myself." "Mmm!" "Never mind, I'll get it." "Where are you going?" "Uh... uh, I'm all out of butter." "I'll have to borrow some from Ethel." "Butter." "Thanks a lot, Ethel." "Good old Ethel" " I don't know what I'd do without her." "Well, thank you, honey." "That's all right." "Steak sure looks good." "Yeah." "Honey, these are the wrong kind of knives." "Can I have a steak knife?" "Steak knife?" "Yes." "Oh, here, I'll cut it for you." "No, thank you, Mother, just get me a steak knife, huh?" "Oh, you don't need a steak knife." "Just pick it up in your fingers like this." "It's good for your teeth." "Nice and strong." "No?" "I'll get a steak knife." "Now where are you going?" "Well, we... we... we, uh..." "Our steak knives are very dull." "I'll have to get Ethel's." "(tapping on table)" "(running footsteps)" "Steak knife." "Oh, thank you." "Salt cellar is empty." "Ooh!" "Will you get me some, please?" "Well, uh..." "I, uh..." "I loaned Ethel our salt." "I'll have to go get some." "I wish you'd told me sooner." "(screams)" "Now, Ricky..." "Okay..." "Let's have it." "I don't mean that." "You deliberately went out and bought that furniture after I told you not to." "No, I didn't." "I bought it before you told me not to." "And who did you think was going to pay for it?" "Well, I was hoping that a certain handsome, generous, kind, generous, wonderful, generous husband whom we all know and love..." "Lucy..." "You going to take that stuff back to the furniture store tomorrow morning, do you understand?" "Well, yes, sir, I understand, but I don't know that the store will." "I got it on sale." " Oh... you got it on sale." " Yes, sir." "All right... do you know what I'm going to do?" "Yes..." "Do you mind if I close my eyes?" "I can't stand the sight of blood." "Never mind that." "As long as we have to keep that furniture, you are going to pay for it out of your allowance." "Oh, Ricky, that's wonderful!" "Just a minute." "I'll pay the store for it." "And I'll pa)' You" "Right." "But I'm taking it to the club and putting it in my office." "When you save enough money, you can buy it back from me." "Oh, Ricky, that's $299." "I'll be an old lady before I save that much money." "Well, at least you know that you're going to have a nice sectional couch to rest on in your old age." "Well, that's true." "You can save it;" "you can save the money." "All you got to do is to learn how to economize." "You waste a lot of money out of your allowance every month." "You've got to learn the value of a dollar, Lucy." "You'll be surprised how soon you can save that much money." "But I want the furniture now." "The place looks awful without it." "Well, I can stand it;" "it doesn't bother me." "You'll get the furniture when I get my money." "All right, Ricky, I'll buy it back from you." "I'll economize-- you wait and see." "Good." "Salt?" "Thank you." "Morning, honey." "Oh, good morning, dean" "Breakfast is all ready." "Good, I'm starved." "What is this?" "That's your orange juice." "We're economizing, dear." "We're cutting down on everything." "Oh, but don't worry, we have eggs and sausage coming up." "Well, they were in here someplace." "Oh, there you are!" "See this?" "This makes it seem like more-- see, dear?" "Lucy, now, you listen..." "Oh, I forgot the toast." "Want some butter on it?" "Lucy, I am not amused." "No?" "No-- when I told you to economize," "I didn't mean by starving me to death." "You leave me the way I am." "Cut down on some of your "stravagances."" "What kind of "stravagances"?" "You know what kind-- like going to the beauty parlor and buying too many clothes." " And cleaning." " Yeah, cleaning-- the dry cleaning bills in this place are ridiculous." "Well, you don't have to worry, dear;" "I thought about that." "I'm cleaning all of your dirty suits here at home." "My suits!" "Yeah, I've already started-- there's one in the sink." "Oh, no, you didn't." "You didn't put one of my good... in the sink..." "Yeah." "Oh, no, Lucy, it's ruined!" "Look at this!" "Don't worry, dear, I was practicing on one of your old suits." "Okay." "Just for being so smart, that is going to cost you another $100." "You now owe me $399." "Would you care to shoot for $400?" "You can't charge me $100 for a stale old suit." "Can't I?" "Aw, Ricky, please" "I'll be serious, I'll economize." "I won't buy any more clothes and I'll stop going to the beauty parlor-- after Saturday night." "What do you mean, after Saturday night?" "Well, the Carrolls are giving that big party at the club-- you know." "I have to have a new dress and I'll get my farewell permanent." "No." "No?" "Well, if I make my dress myself, can I get the permanent?" "No." "No?" "Well, if I give myself a permanent, can I buy the dress?" "No." "Well, if I give myself the permanent and make the dress myself, will you go back to $299?" "Yeah, that I'll do." "If you do that, that means that you mean business." "I only hope that you're serious." "Oh, I am, I am, Ricky, I'm serious." "Can't you tell by the way I look?" "Hi, honey." "Hi." "How you doing?" "Oh, fine, I've got my dress almost all cut out." "What are you cutting with?" "A razor blade." "A razor blade!" "Why don't you use scissors?" "Well, I tried to, but they wouldn't cut." "Manicuring scissors." "Well, that's all I had." "Gee, I sure am impressed." "I never made a dress in my life." "Oh, there's nothing to it." "How's your home permanent coming?" "Okay, I guess." "Oh, boy!" "Hey, how about that?" "I rented that sewing machine." "Isn't that a dilly?" "You know how to run it?" "Oh, sure, it's simple." "The booklet says even a child could operate it." "Let's see." ""First thread the bobbin."" "Do you have any idea what a bobbin looks like?" "I'd better turn it on-- maybe I can tell that way." "Oh... that must be it-- it's bobbin' up and down." "Hey, Lucy, look at this chart." "That's not the bobbin at all." "Ethel, will you go home?" "Why?" "I want to make this dress all by myself" "And I want to surprise you." "Oh, okay, I'll see you later." "Okay, come back in a couple of hours." "All right." "Lucy?" "Just a minute, Mrs. Mertz!" "I'm trying on my new dress!" "Hurry up, I can hardly wait to see it." "What do you think?" "I give up, what is it?" "Pretty bad, isn't it?" "I was hoping it would look different when I tried it on." "Well, it's different, all right." "Well, you don't have to get nasty about it." "After all, I made it with my own two hands." "It looks like you made it with your own two feet." "If it weren't so true, I'd get mad at that." "(key turning in lock)" "How are you, Fred?" "All right, thanks." "Hi!" "Hi, Lucy." "Hi." "What's the matter with you?" "Honey, what are you doing?" "She's got on the dress she made." "Oh, come on, let us see it." "Yeah, come on out and let's see the new creation." "No." "Oh, come on, Lucy, you might as well." "(both laughing)" "(laughing)" "(wailing)" "Oh... (wailing)" "Oh, honey..." "come on, sweetheart." "Don't cry, honey." "It's tough making a dress, and this is your first try." "Well, I wanted it to be so nice so I could save money." "You saved money by giving yourself a home permanent." "Well, I don't..." "My permanent!" "I forgot all about it!" "ETHEL:" "Oh, my goodness!" "It's only supposed to be on 20 minutes." "RICKY:" "How long has it been on?" "Five hours!" "That's the funniest dress" "I ever saw in my life." "Oh, now, you guys shouldn't have made fun of her." "She worked awful hard cutting that out." "(laughing)" "ETHEL:" "Wasn't that something?" "It looked like a sack of potatoes tied in the middle." "Oh, Fred, she tried real hard." "Oh, I can't..." "Oh, we got to stop, it'd be awful..." "No, no, now she can't come back out and find us all laughing." "Now, quiet down." "All right." "Oh, honey..." "Well, Little Orphan Annie." "Oh, honey, what a shame." "It's all right, I've always wanted to look like a chrysanthemum." "Don't cry, sweetheart." "Don't cry." "There must be something you can do." "She can enter her head in the flower show." "(wailing)" "Now, honey..." "Lucy, you can go to the beauty parlor tomorrow and maybe they can fix it up." "I can't go to the beauty parlor" " I can't afford it." "Yes, you can, honey." "I can?" "Yes... you can go to the beauty parlor, and you can buy yourself a new dress." "Oh, Ricky, really?" "As a matter of fact, you look so sad," "I'll bring the couch and the coffee table back home." "Oh, honey, Oh, thank you!" "Do you forgive me for everything?" "Yes, sweetheart, everything." "Oh, the furniture and the dress and the suit and the rug?" "Oh, that's wonderful." "Wait a minute-- the rug'?" "Yeah..." "remember you said you forgave me for everything." "I know, I forgive you for everything, that's all right, but what is this about the rug?" "Well, when I cut out my dress," "I guess I cut a little too deep." "Oh!" "Oh!" "(I Love Lucy theme music plays)"