"And for dessert?" "Yes, monsieur." "And, uh, your name?" "This is Prince Boris Caminov." "My guest is the Honorable Cedric B. Cromwell." "I want you should be accustomed to the fact... that I am acquainted with the best... even better." "This dinner is of the utmost "terrifical importanance"... and I want everything shall be perfect." "You may depend upon that, Your Highness." "Very good." "Ah!" "Come in, my friend." "You are punctual right on the dot." "You practically hit the nail right on the screw." " Ah, my friend." " No, you don't." " Huh?" " I don't hand over the soup and fish... until you pays what you owe me." " How much do I owe you, my friend?" " One pound, three and six." "And for this niggardly sum..." "for this mere contemptible pittance... you are not trusting me?" "You hit it right on the head, Your Royal Highness." "I ain't trusting ya." "Aha!" "Adding insult to usury, huh?" "I still ain't trusting ya." "Wait." "You are not trusting me, but I am going to trust you." "Do you see this ring?" "It's a trifling little bauble which was presented to me... by the grand royal duke of all the Russias... when I was giving him the honor of saving his life in Siberia." "It is worth a dozen suits, maybe even 12." "I am going to give you the extreme privilege... of keeping this priceless token as a deposit, but only temporarily." "Because tonight, I am doing a little deal of business... with a man of terrifical influences in all England." "So, until tomorrow, it is in your possession." "If you lose it, I, Boris Caminov... will kill you, personally myself, with pleasure." "Monsieur, excuse please?" "Of course." "Oui, Oui." "Sí, sí." "Da, da." "Well, my good man?" "Come, come." "My friend, it is inconceivable you are addressing me in that tone of language." " Aren't you forgetting yourself?" " I am remembering it instantly this instant." "Then I shall report you instantly to the manager." "You will report me to the manager?" "And whom, may I ask, do you think who I am?" "Don't you?" "Merely the most excessively insolent and insignificant headwaiter I've ever met." "So!" "I am the most excellent insufficiency headwaiter, huh?" "You are calling me..." " I've never been so completely insulted in my life." "I want you shall know, with that remark, you are practically a dead man!" "I will give you the pleasure..." "of killing you." "No, monsieur!" "I beg of you!" " I am the Honorable Cedric B. Cromwell!" " I am Prince Boris Caminov!" "My dear fellow, a thousand apologies." "How you like that?" "That is what's coming from meeting in a Turkish bath." "You should have worn a Turkish towel." "I would have known you instantly." "Well, my good man." "Come, come." " Exit in first, my friend." " Thank you." " I was took the privilege of ordering dinner." " I'm sure it will be excellent." "I am going to show you how Boris Caminov has earned for himself... the "epitation" of, uh..." "What do you call... "commonsieur"... in all of the grand and great restaurants of Europe." "Instead of the usual cocktails, we will have in our repast first... vodka." "My favorite Russian vodka." "Vodka... the nectar of the cherubs and the angels." "Drink to our future great friendship." "Break it." "Break it." "Something is wrong, monsieur?" "Everything is fine, fine." "Just an old Russian custom." "Fill 'em up!" "Fill 'em up!" "Let us "imbib. "" " Was that a drink or a tonsillectomy?" " Ha ha!" "You like it." "Ah, caviar." "Caviar and vodka..." "what a perfect combination." "To me, the choosing of the proper food and drink... is just as great an art as any other." "Right, my friend." "There are far too few discriminating people left in the world." "Aha!" "I was right about you." "We are "kindled" spirits under the skin." "Drink." "Drink!" "Fill 'em up!" "Once more again!" "You know, when I met you last week..." "I knew you were a man who appreciates the finer things." "So I said to myself..." "privately... shall I trust this man, or shall I not?" "Trust me with what, Your Highness?" "Something I have not breathed to a living soul... dead or alive." "Something so "gigantical" it controls the destiny of a continent or even a nation." "Something that could change the map of the whole world... in the twinkle of your eye like that..." "But before I can take you into my "confidentials"..." "I must swear you to the deepest secrecy." "Because if I am mistaken in my man..." "I assure you..." "Enough!" "I am not mistaked." "His Imperial Majesty, Nicholai II... czar of all the Russias... is not dead." "You mean he was buried alive?" "I have not finished." "We are going to put the czar back on the throne of Russia." "But in order to accomplish this, the czar must have cash." "So, after 15 years..." "I have finally persuaded him..." "To sell the crown jewels." " How did you guessed it?" " I sold them." " You sold them?" " Many times." "I have been duped." " You have my profoundest sympathy." " Thank you." "Now, my friend, let's get down to matters of immediate interest." " Have you money enough to pay for this dinner?" " Alas." "Hmm." "I don't wish to depress you unnecessarily... but I, too, am flat broke." "Out of a city of eight millions of people..." "I had to pick you for to be a sucker." "Have you ever washed dishes, Your Highness?" "Bah!" "I am a man of ideas." "Let me just think." "The caviar, my friend." "Does it not have a peculiar taste?" "How do you feel, my friend?" "I feel cramps." "Cedric, my friend!" "Cedric, my pal!" "Cedric!" " What has happened, monsieur?" " The caviar..." "It is poisoned!" "You have murdered my lifelong friend, you Borgia!" " But, monsieur, please." "I never..." " You cannot murder the guest of Boris Caminov." " I will get a doctor at once, monsieur." " Oh, no!" "I will take care of my friend." "Out of my way!" "Don't feel too badly, my friend." "Your technique was admirable." "You merely need a less antiquated racket." "Ah." "Do you have any suggestions?" "I have... the one I was about to sell you." "It's tremendous." "Makes the crown jewels look like a bucket of cracked ice." "So vast in scope, it will involve the nation... two nations." " Stop involving nations and cut some bread." " You doubt my word?" "Not if you'll explain to me how a genius like you is broke." "Because, my friend, I have discovered that England... is not the proper place to work out my scheme." "But if I can get back to America... millions." " Your eggs look excellent." " Thank you, sir." "You are a man of taste." " Millions, huh?" " Millions." " Are you familiar with English history?" " Naturally." " Have you ever read of Sir Francis Drake?" " Certainly." "He was a pilgrim." "He married that Indian gal... "Pocahaha. "" "Look, Boris." "Sir Francis Drake was an English explorer... who lived at the time of Queen Elizabeth." "He plundered many countries and returned to England... with untold treasures of gold, silver and jewels." "And you have a map where the treasure is buried." " I am ashamed of you, my friend." " You do me a grave injustice." "If you'd only listen a minute and stop jumping to conclusions... you'd see what a great scheme this is." " Okay, continue." " If I could get to America..." "I would pose as a student of history... and would announce that I've made a startling discovery." "I would announce that Sir Francis Drake did have a son... and the descendant of that son is the rightful heir to a fabulous fortune." "I am "begiving" to get it." "Exactly." "Naturally, it will take money to trace that descendant." "But when he inherits the fortune, it will be so gigantic..." "That you can promise to pay $200 for every dollar contributed to help him." " Correct." " Magnificent." "An "inspiritation" worthy of myself." " You are a "genilouse," my friend." " Thank you." "But now I am going to tell you what is wrong with your scheme." " What?" " Do not talk about a descendant." "Create him." "Yes." "Yes, you're right." "Create him." "Splendid." "Ha ha!" "Uh!" "And one more very important thing, my dear partner." "This man shall have the money to take us all to "Nev" York." "Yes." "Where can we find a man like that?" "Let me consummate." "How about that chap?" "No good." "He went to the mortgage department." "There's our man." "Perfect." " Good morning, Inspector." " Good morning." "Look." " Count the money, milord." " Oh, thank you, Jeeves." "I hope you have a pleasant and restful weekend, milord." "Will Mama's 'ittle Honey Pie miss her mama?" "Oh." "Poor little bitsy Honey Pie." "Hejust knows he isn't going with us." "Hejust knows it." " Will you look, Roger?" " Yes, very touching." "Jeeves, Miss Tremayne has decided not to take this little bea... this, uh... this Honey Pie with us." "Sure you don't mind looking after the dear little chap for a couple of days?" "I shall be delighted, milord." "You will look after him, won't you, Jeeves?" "And do let him sleep on your bed tonight." "He'll be so lonesome." "I shall be glad to sleep on the couch, madam." "That's awfully decent of you." "I'm frightfully obliged to you, don't you know?" " Thank you, Jeeves." " Thank you, milord." " That's our man." " You think so, huh?" "I'm sure of it." "He's a gentleman's gentleman." " That makes him twice as good, huh?" " No." "You don't get it." " He's a valet." " A valet." "Then he should know how to act like a gentleman." " And English valets always save their money." " Aha." "It's impossible, and yet you may be right." "I know I am right." "I tell you that is the man." " I beg your pardon." "Is your nameJeeves?" " It is." " Rupert BadgewickJeeves." " "Extractly. "" "What was your father's name?" "My good man, I can understand your hesitation... but it's very important that we know." "His name was Adelbert BadgewickJeeves." " What amazing luck." " I told you he is our man." " I "congranulate" you." " My good fellow, we're not lunatics." "Although you're in the dark, this is the brightest day of your life." "We have been searching for you for months." "I'm not going to spend a lot of time explaining our extensive research... but we have absolute proof that you are the direct descendant of Sir Francis Drake." " And the "hair" to millions." " Sir Francis Drake?" "Millions?" "Gentlemen, there must be some mistake." "For three generations, the men of my family have been in service." "Mr grandfather was gentleman's gentleman to Lord..." "What's three generations?" "This dates back three centuries." " To Queen "Louisabeth's" time." " Exactly." " You had an aunt, didn't you?" " Of course I had an aunt." "Everybody has an aunt." " I told you so." " What was her name?" " Honoria Dybble." " Dribble!" "That's right!" " And she had a husband." "His name was..." " Well, uh... theJeeves and the Badgewicks were not on very close terms with the Dybbles." "My Aunt Honoria Dybble was never married, as far as I know." "That's right." "But her mother was, and she had a father." " You don't deny that, don't you?" "No." " No." "Yeah..." "No." "And this man's father..." "What do you know about him?" "What does anybody know about him..." "even his own wife?" "But his mother seen who, and she had a grandmother." "You doubt that?" "Look!" "Here you are." "1592... the Drake line." "See?" "Here's Francis Drake." " Now we're in the 17th century." " Oh." " 1662." " 1663." "Right?" " Right." " All right." "Here." "There's a branch of the Badgers." "See?" " There it trails away." "Right?" " Right." "All right." "But look here." "What's this?" "A Dybble." "Ah, but here the line divides." "Drake has circled the globe." "He stops at the West Indies." "What happens?" "There is no son." "But does he, or doesn't he?" "Ha ha!" "Look!" "The first Honoria Badgewick." "Badgewick, mind you." "And there is a son..." "Henry Gulliver Dybble, 1702." "Why, it's as simple as two and seven make 10." "It comes straight down here." "Here to right here." "And that twig is you... the only living heir to all the property Queen Louisabeth gave to Sir Francis Drake." "Right?" " Right!" " All right!" "And that is how, my friend, your family originally went into service." "But the blood of servants does not flow in your arterials." "You are not Rupert BadgewickJeeves, but Rupert, earl of Braddock." "Earl of Braddock." "Waiter." "More beers for His Lordship." "There are even indications that Elizabeth gave to Sir Francis... a secret deed to the United "Snapes. "" "I don't think we'd better mention that, Prince." "The American Revolution makes that rather impossible to collect." "However, there are other land grants..." "Spain, the West Indies, South Africa, Samoa." " "Chloroformia. "" " When we establish your rights... you will not only inherit the original estate... but collect revenue for 300 years as well." " That's confounded interest." " Confounded interest?" " Compounded interest." " Oh, yes." "You will have money enough to buy for your dog... a collar made of the Russian crown jewels." "Your Lordship, you are the actual heir... to one square mile in the very heart of London." "Yours." "You see that building of architecture?" "She is yours." "Do you realize what this means to you?" "You can have all the automobiles you want." " One for every day of the year." " Yachts." "Oh, no." "The sea makes me deathly ill, but I don't mind a bit of punting on the Thames." "You can have a whole fleet of punts." " A château in France." " A "riva" on the "Viviera. "" " What?" " A shooting box in Scotland." "And the beautiful women." "Ah?" "Are you going to allow some mere interloper... to cheat you out of your rightful heritage?" "Ah, my friend!" "Here." "Eat." "No, thank you." "I prefer a doctor." "The invigorating atmosphere of the salt air..." "It..." "Whets the appetite." "I can remember an exposition in the Antarctic Circle where, for weeks... we had nothing to eat but vodka and raw fish." "Raw fish?" " Steward." " Yes, sir." "I suppose you've been wondering why three such distinguished gentlemen... as my two companions and myself have been traveling second-class." " No..." "Uh, yes, sir." " So I suspected." "The English gentleman is the earl of Braddock." "His mission to America is one of great diplomatic and financial import." "The information of his arrival might have drastic consequences in the stock market." " Do I make myself clear?" " Yes, sir." "I realize this information would be worth considerable money to the newspapers." "No reporters are to meet the earl." " Not a word of this must leak out." " Not a word, sir." "Thank you." "Hey, Slug." " Slug!" " Did ya want somethin', Babe?" "I want Barney..." "Mr. Ross to you, mug." "And don't be callin' me Babe." "Just because you knew me when don't mean you ain't the butler here." "Okay, okay." "I'm doin' me best, ain't I?" "You want that I get Barney in here?" "Tell him I will receive him in the drawing room." " And tell him to make it snappy." " Okay." " Jack high." " Four white." " Hey, boss." " Yeah?" " Babe wants ya." " Okay." "She's receiving in the drawing room." " The heat's on." " Uh-oh." "Be back in a second." " I'll take it." " Jack high." "It'll cost you four." "Just a minute." "Did you want me, Babe?" " Were you busy, dear?" " Oh, no." "If I wanted you to do somethin' for me, sweetie, would you do it, hmm?" "I ain't missed yet, have I, honey?" "Mmm!" "Look." "Aw, you don't think I had anything to do with that, Babe?" " I'm legitimate now." " Oh, not the stickup." "The earl." "Yeah?" "Well, what about him?" " I want him." " Huh?" "I want him to come and visit us while he's in New York." "Listen, honey, the guy's an earl, an aristocrat." " He won't come here." " Hey, what's the matter with you?" " You gone soft?" "You losing' your character?" " We don't even know the guy." "So what?" "In the old days, when you wanted somethin', you got it." "When you invited people to come to see ya, they came... or else." " Now, listen..." " We don't know the guy." "Of course we don't know him." "We don't know anybody but a lot of slugs and mugs like Dutch and Joey and Max." "I don't care if they do hear me." "If this earl was visiting us, maybe some decent people would come to see us." "Maybe we'd get invited somewhere besides the auto show and the copper's ball." " Will ya listen to me?" " You listen to me!" "What's the good of livin' in a swell joint like this if nobody ever comes to see us?" "You'd think we had a quarantine sign hung on the front door." " Now, honey, listen..." " Look at this." "The Kensington Polo Club..." "They don't want any part of ya." "The Broadmoor Country Club..." "blackballed." "The Woodlawn Tennis Club..." "They don't use your kinda racket." " We're poison." " I can't help that, sugar." "Yes, you can." "Get me that earl." " But I tell ya it's impossible." " I want that earl!" " Babe's kinda got her heart set on somethin'." " Yeah." " You guys ain't sore at that crack about being mugs?" " What crack?" "Oh, I think this society racket's a lot of bananas, see?" "But Babe's set on it." "What wrong with me tryin' to muscle her in?" "You remember the night she tipped us off that Mike Dinelli... was gonna hijack the trucks in Jersey?" "And the time she brought our rods to us in a baby buggy?" "Remember when you did that stretch, Max?" "Every week, she went up the river and took you cigarettes and walnuts." "This earl now..." " I guess we'd better get him." " How?" "When I tell you to do somethin', don't ask me how." "Do it!" "Here's the dope on that guy's arrival." "Go get him, but keep it legitimate." "Maxie, I palmed all the other cabs to lay off when the long dude gets set to leave." " Okay." " Why the waste of dough?" " Why can't we just go in there and get him?" " No rough stuff, Dutch." "Boss's orders." "I'll give you the high sign." "I drive off with him, and you guys slam into me on Commerce Street, right?" " Right." "We'll take it from there." " Okay." " Good morning, sir." "I'm from the Sun." " The Sun?" " He's a reporter, Your Lordship." " His Lordship has nothing to say about the present." " Hey, get me a "crab. "" " Now wait a minute..." "I'm from the Telegraph." "Will you give me a statement?" " Your Lordship!" " What's all the secrecy about?" " Can't you give us an interview?" " Well, it's most interesting." "It's so amazing, I can hardly believe it." " Maxie, here he comes." "Get going." " Okay." "I understand you're here on an important financial matter." " Can't you give us a line on what it's about?" " Yes." "Give us a statement." "A statement would hardly be in order until I meet the gentlemen who are financially interested." " Wait a minute." "That doesn't tell us anything." " Will you go to Hollywood?" " Why?" " How will this deal affect the stock market?" " Stock market?" " Yes." "What's the tie-up with Wall Street?" "Gentlemen." "Gentlemen, please." "I will give you all the information that I'm permitted to at the moment." "But you must not bother His Lordship any longer." "I want to go to..." "Oh, I beg your pardon." "I didn't know this cab was taken." "Quite all right." " I say, what's up?" " Duck!" "Come on!" "Step on it!" " Hey!" "Follow that car!" " I'm outta gas." " Get goin'!" " Yes, sir." "Jeeves!" "Follow that crab!" " Push it down!" " I am!" "I say." " Fair hit, what?" " Lucky you weren't wearing a beret." "Beret?" "Oh, yes." "That's very good." "Ha ha ha." " Your first trip to New York?" " Yes." "Quite lively, isn't it?" "Boy, oh, boy." "Just like the old days." " How are ya doin' back there?" " Well, it's too soon to tell, but let's get going." "Okay." "Hey!" "Turn to the right!" "Wait a minute!" "Start 'er up there!" "Follow that car!" " Taxi!" "Taxi!" " Crab!" "Crab!" "Look out!" "Oh." "Phew." "Hey." "I don't know how you feel, but that looks like a good idea." "Yes." "I think I could do with a spot myself." "You and me both, brother." " What time is it?" " I just told you." "It's still 8:00." "And the boat docked at 4:00." "Hello." "Hello, City Morgue?" "Say, has a tall, unidentified gentleman been brought in there during the last four hours?" "He's about 6 foot 3, broad shoulders." " Tell him he speaks with an English accent." " He speaks with an English..." "He's an Englishman... very dignified type." " All ready?" " Righto." " Okay, sister." " All right, get set." "One." "Two." "Three!" "A winner!" "The earl of Braddock... 30." "Max... nothing." "I give up." "There's a trick to that I ain't onto." "You were splendid in defeat, old boy." "Don't be disheartened." " It's the end of the half, boys." "Let's drink." " All right." "This drink's on me." " Come on, everybody." " No." "This one's on the house, folks." "Very well." "Then I'll fix it." "I first thought up this little number in the Himalayas." "It was a very hot day, I remember." " Tell me, where did you learn that leg trick?" " Oh, in India." " I was there with Lord Fenton." " Lord Fenton?" " Is he a friend of yours?" " Well, we spent a good deal of time together." " Pass me the bitters, will you?" " About Lord Fenton..." "Yes, I think that's all." "I think that's everything." "I think you'll like this drink." "It's rather quite exciting." "Everybody likes it very much indeed." "What's this?" "I call it Annie's Night Out." "What a night!" " Yes, it's rather ripping, don't you think?" " A lulu." " Let's have another." " Certainly, old boy." "It'll take me but a minute." "Those legs of yours are like a couple of crowbars." "I used to be a "cyalist"..." "I used to be a cyclist in my youth." "Listen, old pal." "Will you do me a little favor?" "I should consider it a privilege, dear boy." "There's a guy hangs out at Percy Squab's poolroom." "I think we can get him to bet a fast century note... that he could flip you with that leg trick." " Who is the impostor?" " My brother-in-law." "He's a six-day bicycle rider." " Oh, a cyclist, eh?" "Let's get at him." " Right." " Tally-ho!" " Tally-ho!" " Tally-ho and yoicks!" "Forward!" " Tally-ho and yikes!" " Tally-ho, my boy." " Tally-ho, my boy." "Tally-ho to you too." "I haven't gotten all the dope yet, but I've got him here right now." " Who, me?" " Oh, it's you." "Gerry, cut the clowning and keep your eye on those two fellas at the bar... while I call back in." " What two fellas?" " The tall English guy and the cab driver." "They're as swacked as New Year's Eve." "You can't miss 'em." "Oh, I didn't." "They just passed me going out to the hunt." "Going out?" " Will you have a drink?" " Yeah, a thimbleful of water." "There, there, darling." "Don't be discouraged." "I still love you." "Will you quit peeking through keyholes for 48 hours... and come down to a weekend party on the yacht?" "No, I can't." "I have work to do." " Scotch and soda, please." " And, uh, you, miss?" " Water." " Water?" "I quit." " Say, Gerry?" " Yeah." "In your hobnobbing about Europe, did you ever meet the earl of Braddock?" "Braddock?" "Braddock, no." "Prince Boris Caminov?" "Can't say I have." "Sounds like a cheese." "Maybe you're right at that." "Do you know anything about Cedric B. Cromwell, a noted historian?" " Nothing." " I thought not." "The tall guy who just walked out on me is the earl." "I think he's on the level, but I'm not so sure about his pals." "I think there's a big swindle brewing somewhere, and I'd like to get a box seat." "If I go out and brew up a first-class swindle... will you pay some attention to me?" " Run along, little man." "Sail your boat." " What's the matter with me?" "Just because somebody left me a couple million dollars, does that make me a washout?" "There's nothing the matter with you except when you bother people who have work to do." "Why can't you be nice and useless the way you are... and go and play with some other nice and useless people?" "I suppose you think you're useful, hmm?" "Acorns." "I'm earning my living." "Do you mind?" "I take it all back, darling." "You're a pretty clever girl at that." " Thanks." " Yep." "Pretty clever." "You got a big story right under your nose, and you let it walk away from you." " I suppose you could do better." " Possibly." " I'd like to see you try it." " For how much would you like to see me try it?" " You name it." " I'll bet you a cool 10,000 against a wedding ring." " Oh, you're crazy." " Okay, I'm crazy." " Hey, what's the big idea?" " Just getting the measurement." "You tossed that McCoy guy like a dead snake." "He was mediocre, my dear fellow." "Mediocre." "Ten minutes more, and we'd have had the medals." "Here they are, dear fellow." "Took me 12 minutes precisely." "Oh!" "The champ!" " Hip hip!" "Hooray!" " Hooray!" "Yoicks!" "Tally-ho!" " Wildfowl ahead!" " What?" "I got it!" "I got it!" "What a picture." "Social life on the Ross estate." "Huh!" " Fix yourself another highball, Babe." " I could go for another one." " I suppose you'd loan me your uniform while I mix it." " Aw, skip it." "I'll have to nudge you the yellow one, boys." "Wouldn't it be just swell if the earl should arrive right now?" " It's 2:00, honey." " I'm in." " I'll stick around." " Up two more, Barney." "You don't care if he never shows up." "I bet you're hopin' he don't show up." "Take it easy." "Maxie always comes through." " I'll bump it once more." " Well, why don't you do somethin'... instead of sittin' there starin' at those four aces?" " I'm gonna hit the hay." " You'll do no such thing." "Listen, the guy ain't gonna show up at 2:00 for a social call, is he?" " Then where's Maxie?" " Maybe he got shot in that scrape." "No such luck." "I telephoned every hospital in town." "Maybe he got sidetracked in a bar." "With the earl?" "Don't be ridiculous." "Maybe that's Maxie." "Maybe it ain't Maxie." "Put your coat on." "Come on." "What's the idea?" "What's the idea?" "What's the idea?" "You got a nerve coming here stiff with that pug." " What do you think this is, a flophouse?" " Oh." "That's him... the real McCoy." "Rupert." "Wait a minute." "Rupert who?" "Shh." "The earl of Braddock." "Come here!" "Come here, chicky!" " No, no." "Please, please." "Go away." "Please." " Here, chicky!" "Come on!" " Oh, I say." " Chicky!" "Chicky!" "A bird!" "Here you are!" "Here, chicky!" "Here, chicky!" "Ah, chicky." "Nice..." " Oh!" "I say!" " Nice chicky!" "Wait, chicky!" "Come on, chicky!" " Good morning, Earl." " Where am I?" "I'll bet for a minute you thought you was back on the farm." "Oh, no, no!" "Please!" "Oh, no!" "Please don't make..." "Don't make that noise." " Here." "Babe sent this up." " Babe?" "Yeah." "It's a pick-me-up." "It'll snap you out of it like a rubber band." "Oh, no." "I thank you." "Babe said to drink it." "Oh, yes." "I say, that's... that's extraordinary." " It rather does the trick, doesn't it?" " Yeah." "Babe knows her stuff." "I don't want to appear inquisitive... but would you mind telling me who this Babe person is?" " Sure." "That's Barney's wife." " Oh, yes, yes." "That explains everything." " Do you mind my asking who you are?" " No." "Go ahead." " I've already done that." " Done what?" "Gone ahead and asked you who you are." " Oh, me?" " Yeah." " I'm the butler." " The butler?" " Yeah." " Ridiculous." "I say, that is odd." " Oh, you got a charley horse." " Charley horse?" "I'll give ya a workout." " I'll have this fixed in a jiffy." " No!" "Please!" "Please!" " Just a minute." "Let me fix this thing." " Look here, I say!" " Listen, I know how to fix charley horses." " But I don't want..." "Now, uh, you're gentlemen, see?" "You're visiting' here." "And cut out that mug talk and those smart cracks." "Gimme that cigar." "Get your hands outta your pockets." "This is big league." " Okay, Babe." " And that Babe stuff's out, see?" "My name's Diana." " "Mrs. Ross" to you guys." " Hey, Babe." " Yeah?" "How is he?" " He'll be all right, but he keeps yelling' for his pals." " Who, the prince and Mr. Cromwell?" " Yeah." "Fine." "You go call 'em up, Barney, and invite 'em out here." " But, look, Babe, I got you the earl." " Get on that phone." "He is not in the morgue." "He's not in the hospitals." "He's not in the hotels." "He's not in the Turkish baths." "What is there left?" "The lunacy asylum and the police." "We can omit the police." "That's him now." "Good afternoon, sir." "Are you the earl of Braddock?" "I am the Honorable Cedric B. Cromwell, the earl's business associate." " Ah." "Park Avenue, huh?" " Beg pardon, sir." "Well, what is it you want it?" "My employer, Mr. Townsend, is in Africa on a hunting trip, and I am temporarily without work." "Still, what is it you want?" "A member of the hotel staff has informed me... that the earl of Braddock is traveling without his secretary." "I thought His Lordship might be interested in hiring one during his American visit." " I'm sure that..." " Here we are, filled with emotion and tragic... and he wants to work for somebody we haven't got it." "Please!" "Hello?" "This is Cedric B. Cromwell." "Mr. Bernard Ross?" "Yes?" "He is?" "I've found him." " You're at Long Island, Mr. Ross?" " Island?" "He is shipwreck!" "Yes?" "Why, we'd be very glad to." "Yes." "Well, thank you very much, sir." " Good-bye." " He is safe!" "Where is he?" "At the Ross estate in Long Island." "That has the pleasant ring of gold." "Ah." "You are still here?" "You got a bundle of nerves." "Wait a minute." "Mr. Brooks, permit me to ask you a question." " Have you ever heard of a Mr. Bernard Ross?" " Certainly, sir." " Who is he?" " He is reputed to be one of the richest men in the city." "Thank you." "Just a minute." "Thank you." "The earl is visiting one of the richest men in the city." " You understand?" " Naturally." " He's sending his car here to pick us up." " Aha." "This fellow Brooks comes very highly recommended." "I think he'd make an excellent social secretary." "He'd be very valuable to us." " You'll explain me how?" " He seems to know everyone of importance in this town." "He'd give us class." "Ah, I catch up, my friend." "I catch up." "So you are socialist "secretarium," huh?" " Why, I, uh..." " You got a salary." "How much is it?" " Well, you see..." " Okay." "You're hired." "Come in." "Come in, my friend." " I'm so glad you could come." " We're very happy to be here." "Mr. Ross will see you presently." "He's dressing for luncheon." " His Lordship's room is two doors up the hall." " Thank you, madame." "Uh, I've given you and Mr. Cromwell adjoining rooms." "Of course." " Your room is over there, Mr. Cromwell." " Thank you." "Thank you." "And if there's any little triviality, just give Herman a buzz." "Uh, ring for him." "Ah, your hospital is equalized only by your charm, madame." "Oh, thank you, Prince." "Thank you." " Now there's a couple a real ritzy gents." " You said something." " You better scram downstairs and dish up a flock of cocktails." " Right." "I'm afraid, my friend, our troubles are about over." "Such magnificence." "It staggers the eye." "This man is not only a millionaire." "He is rich." "There is a tide in the affairs of men, if taken at the ebb, leads on to the flood." "Ah, now it comes..." "the golden fleecing, huh, my friend?" " Mrs. Ross." " Yeah?" "Oh, yes?" "I hate to bother you, Mrs. Ross, but, uh, no doubt you've planned... a number of social activities in honor of the earl of Braddock." " Oh, uh..." "Oh, yes, yes, indeed." " And so I presumed." "I should like to discuss the arrangements with your social secretary." "Well, uh, unfortunately... you see, my social secretary was forced to resign only yesterday." "Her father was bumped..." "He was dying, and so I..." "How extremely unfortunate, particularly at this time." "Well, I've got to call an employment agency." "Oh, perhaps I can be of some assistance to you." "May I use your telephone?" " Oh, yes, yes." " Thank you." "This is Mr. Brooks speaking." "Okay, Gerry, what's the gag?" "I wish to inquire if you're engaged at present, Miss Westley." "Well, if I am, it's not to you." "Look, I'm busy." "Call me back any other time." "Say a week from next Christmas." "Fine." "I'm phoning from the Long Island estate of Mrs. Bernard Ross." "Yes." "She's planning a number of social activities in honor of the earl of Braddock." "Didn't I tell you once before..." "Hey, wait a minute." "Who did you say was there?" "Mrs. Ross would like to engage you as her social secretary." "Listen, Gerry, is this on the level?" "If you're giving me a bad steer, I'll never speak to you again as long as I live." " I'll cut you dead at your own funeral." " Thank you, Miss Westley." "I knew you'd be interested." "Good-bye." "Charming girl." "And so after years of research, they finally located me... the only living descendant of the late Sir Francis Drake." " You mean you come in for all that dough?" " Exactly, my dear fellow." "Here's your pants, boss." "Good heavens, give me those trousers, please." "Allow me, sir." "Hey, that's a pretty neat trick." "Where'd you learn that?" "Get me a tie, if you please." "What do you figure you'll be worth?" "Oh, they say it runs into millions, sir." "The value of the property alone is staggering." " Here you are." " A puce tie with a gray suit?" "Tsk, tsk, tsk." "Preposterous." "Trying to double-cross me, huh?" "Oh, well, I thought that this tie was gonna be all right." "Get me a spotted tie, if you please." " A what?" " A spotted tie, if you please." "Oh, you mean a polka-dot tie." "A spotted tie, if you please." "Say, that Drake guy must have had a sweet racket." "Sweet is hardly the word, sir." "Here's the polka-dot tie." "I think this spotted tie will suit you admirably, sir." "To me, it's still a polka-dot." "One's tie is to one's suit... what one's wine is to one's dinner." " Yeah?" " It is the place where good taste begins... and often ends." "Very often indeed." "As there is music for every mood..." " so there is a tie for every occasion." " Imagine that." "{Jeeves] There are, in fact, astonishing correlations... between the history of costumes and the cultural history of mankind." "And now the coat, sir." " Your Lordship." " Our foundling." "A needle from the haystack." " I hope you're going to like it here." " I'm sure I shall." "I know how you feel, honey." "It must be tough on a girl who's had millions..." " to have to go to work." " But I..." "I..." "That's all right, deary." "Mr. Brooks has told me all about you." "Your society friends haven't given you the air..." " since you lost your dough, have they?" " My friends?" "Oh, no, no." "They've been very loyal." "Oh, yes, yes." "Especially Gerald Townsend, III." "They were, uh, you know." "I understand." "Now, look, deary..." "I'm throwing a big party for the earl of Braddock and a Prince Caminov." "I want you to invite all your friends in your set." "You needn't tell them you're working here." "Just act as if you were my guests." " Well, that's very kind of you, but, uh..." " Be brave." "Well, if it isn't Miss, uh..." "Miss, uh..." " Westley." " Oh, yes, of course." "I'm delighted to see you." "I hope I didn't behave too badly the other afternoon." " Do you know each other?" " Oh, yes, rather." "This is jolly." "Here we all are and all that." "Yes, indeed, very jolly." " Would you like to see the gardens, Earl?" " I should be delighted." "I'll leave it to you to arrange everything." " Come, Earl." " Well, cheerio." "Now, would you mind telling me when I had a million dollars and how I lost it?" "You lost it in the stock market crash." "Your father shot himself... and your mother died from the shock and left you a penniless waif." " So, that's the line you dished out." " She ate it up." " She almost broke down." " Well, then what are you doing here?" "I am the new social secretary to the earl of Braddock." "Oh." "Well, then possibly you can give me an idea... as to how I'm going to invite a whole list of my old society friends to her party?" "Simple." "Anything I have is yours." "My friends are your friends." "How am I doing?" "You're doing swell so far." "Do you want the ring now, or will you wait?" "Oh, I'll wait, Mr. Brooks." "Life would be so empty and meaningless without my garden." "I spend so many happy hours here just walking and dre..." "Oh, that thing." "What's it doing here anyway?" " Seems to be properly located." " For what?" "Croquet." "The game, you know." "You mean to say they play a game with those things?" " Oh, yes." "It's quite exciting too." " Well, I'll be." "They've been here ever since we bought the place, and I never knew that." "One plays it with wooden balls and mallets." "Is that what they're for?" "Well, there's a whole box of them in the garage." " Let's go get them and play." " Yes." "Yeah, I got the whole setup from the earl." "Looks like you boys got something there." "I should say that was rather indiscreet of His Lordship." "Who did you say was backing you guys in this deal?" "Well, as a matter of fact, we're not at liberty to divulge their names at the moment." "Yeah?" "Why not?" "Well, you see, all this is in the strictest confidence." "Sure, sure, I get it." " You can trust me." " I'm certain of that, Mr. Ross." "How would you guys like to cut me in?" "Oh, you'd like to make a little "investerment," huh?" "Well, I might be interested if there's no chance of a slipup." "My dearest sir, if every word spoken... is don't be "positivities" and absolutely the most "authentical" gospel truth..." "I shall be struck down dead instantly this moment." "Who done that?" " Oh, a home run." " Amazing." " Oh, it's only Babe batting' the ball around." " Yeah." " Sounded like the good old days, huh, Joey?" " Sure did." "Remember the timeJoe Rocco threw that pineapple through the window... and Babe tossed it right back in his puss?" "Took more than a little iron confetti to scare Babe in them days." "What was that you was saying, Prince, when Babe knocked a homer?" "My friend, to the backers of this exposition, there will be millions." "My dear prince, don't forget we must confer first... with the gentlemen already interested." "Piffles." "I will personally myself take consumption of all responsibilities." "Now we're getting somewhere." "Hey, boss, your mouthpiece wants you on the phone." "Okay." "We'll take this up a little later, boys." " I got a little deal on with my lawyer." " Certainly." "Cedric, my pal, we got him." "It's in the basket." "Shh." "Come here." "Look." "A gangster!" "A leader of gangsters." "Do you realize what this means?" "If he finds out about us, he'll wipe us out like that." "Heigh-ho!" "Have you found it?" " Found what?" " Why, the croquet ball, of course." "Oh, there it is." "I say, you should have seen her clunk it." " Amazing people, these Long Islanders." " Yes, we know." "Your Lordship, the prince and I have been talking things over... and we've decided that it's best for all concerned if we return to the hotel." " What on earth for?" " Well, to be perfectly frank with you..." " the Rosses are very nice people..." " Yes, aren't they?" " Jolly, I like them awfully." " Yeah, jolly. "Positivities" hilarious." " Yes, I knew you would like them." "I'm very glad." " Delightful." "But we're beginning to suspect that their background is not what it should be." "Oh, I think you're wrong there, old chap." "Why, they've arranged the most tremendous affair in our honor." "Why, some of the most terribly influential people in New York are going to be here." "Mrs. Ross says it's going to be a bang-up." "I think that's the most amusing expression, don't you, bang-up?" "We are practically dead men." "A riddle of bullets." "Wait a minute." "Where are all those going?" "Why, I asked Mr. Cromwell if he wanted a cocktail." " He said, yeah, set him up a flock of them." " Okay." "He won't miss these then." "Where were we?" "Arranging the earl's debut." "Oh, yeah." "Now that I think of it, we'd better not have a ball." "Make it a bazaar, a charity bazaar." "That way, we can get the snobs in instead of just the filthy rich." "Why, that's three good ideas in a row." " How do you feel?" " Dry." "Come in." "Na zdorovya." "Barney wants to have a little talk with you guys right away." "He's down in the shootin' gallery." "Already he's smelling a "mouses. "" "Maybe he's shooting them too." "Let me handle this." "I am remembering it was your idea from the first beginning." "Boss, I tell ya, they ain't on the level." "The guy just finished saying, "If this ain't the gospel truth, I hope something strikes me. "" " And wham, came the ball and almost conked him." " If you tell me that again..." "Then why did the ball come flying through the window?" "'Cause Babe hit it." "Listen, dope, if those guys was crooked, they'd be trying to sell me some." "But they ain't." "They're holding out on me." "That shows they've got something big." "Okay, okay." "But don't forget, I warned you." "Nobody ever pulled a fast one on Barney Ross and lived." "Oh, hello, boys." "I've been thinking over your proposition... and I've decided to come in with you." " Well, that's extremely generous of you, Mr. Ross." "Uh, but, uh..." " But what?" " Well, you see, uh..." "You don't think I've got what it takes?" "Maybe this will make you change your mind." "Fifty grand, and there's more where this came from." "I am sorry, believe me... but with other gentlemen we are now negotiating." "Ain't my dough as good as theirs?" " Very good." "Very good indeed." " Then I'm in." "But, Mr. Ross, you don't understand." "I'm in, see?" " May we come in?" " Well, how'd you make out?" "Oh, splendidly." "I'm in better condition than Maxie here." "You'd hardly believe that, would you?" "I've got a four-inch chest expansion." " That's jolly good, you know." "The doctor said so." " The doctor?" " What doctor?" " The insurance doctor." "Oh, I forgot to mention it, boys... but me and the earl got together on the deal... and I had him insured for a million bucks." " One millions of bucks dollars?" " What for?" "Just in case." "You understand." " Oh, yes." " Oh, why not?" "That's swell." "Now we're cooperating." "As soon as you can let me have the papers and the proofs, we'll start the ball rolling." "You can use that 50 grand as a little advance." " See ya at dinner, boys." " Righto." "I'd say rather a neat bit of business, what?" "Why, here's a little nest egg all in itself." " It's all yours." " No, no, no." "Share and share alike." "That was the agreement." "You know, sort ofThree Musketeers." "Oh, I don't have a dream of touching that." "Well, that's ridiculous." "All I did was to expedite matters." "You two made it possible." "Why, if it weren't for you, I'd still be in service." "Now I can do what I've always wanted to do." "You know, a bit of plaster and a bit of stone." "A house beside the sea alone." "A fireside, brandy and some dogs around... is all of heaven man has ever found." "You know, back to earth." "Well, cheerio." " Back to earth." " And six feet underneath it." "Cedric, it's 3:00." "Are you ready?" "Yes." " How about the money?" "Shall we take it?" " Are you crazy?" "It's bad enough if Ross catches us sneaking out on him." " If we have the money on us, we're sunk." " Either way, it's a risk." " Might as well we should be hung for the ship as the goose." " Then you carry it, my friend." "Because if anything happens to me, I want you to have my share." "Oh, well, thank you, my friend, but I want you shall get it." "Because I was shot in the leg in the service of the czar... and I could not run so fast as you can." "All right, each will carry his own share." "It's all over." "They're onto us." "And the sooner we get out of here, the quicker." "Come on." "Well, you win the bet." "I suppose you think we're crazy." "But I just bet the prince that a crook couldn't rob this house... and get away by climbing down this wall." "Let's see if two crooks can get back in that way." "Oh, you mean, you want we shall try it?" "Okay." "Oh, hello, deary." "Anybody shown yet?" "No, nobody." "But just don't worry." "I'm so nervous my rings are rattling." "I got everything on but the mortgage." " How do I look?" " Grand." "You think so, deary?" "What is this, a dress or a winding-sheet?" " I think if you just hold it like that." " Like that?" "Come in." "Hey, the Park Avenue mob's movin' in." " All right." "All right." " Gee, Babe, you look swell!" "Scram!" "Okay, deary, let's go." " I say, Mrs. Ross, you do look beautiful." " Oh, thank you, Your Lordship." " Thank you." " You'll save the first dance for me, won't you?" "And how." "Uh, I shall be delighted." " You'll save a dance too." " Yes, Your Lordship." " Isn't that ripping?" " I love dancing." " I hope nobody gets too lucky." " They can't." " Yeah?" " These are on our side." "This is His Lordship's first trip to America." "I'm sure we've met in Biarritz, Your Lordship." "Possibly, Mrs. Van Austin." "Very possibly." "It's a small world." " You must come to our place for a weekend." " I'm looking forward to it." "And you, too, Mrs. Ross, and your very charming husband." " Oh, thank you." "Thank you so much." " Yes." "I could feel the wolves' hot breathing in my face." "For three hours, I held them at bane... with these two barren hands and a black snake whip." "Why, this is thrilling." "Utterly thrilling." " How did you escape?" " Huh?" "Oh." "Oh, it was nothing." "Nothing." "Even less." "Isn't this amazing?" "We all seem to be getting into one bar..." " Oh, excuse me." "Did you see Mr. Brooks?" " No." "What is it?" " Well, I got a cablegram here for him." " Oh, I'll take it to him." " Excuse me a minute." "I'll see you in the bar." " Of course." " Hey, Gerry." " Stay still." "It's coming through." "I see a handsome young man." "He loves you." "Soon you will hear news of great import." "Well, you're just one-third right." "We got a cablegram from your London agent." " We got a cablegram." " Well, it came for you." " You've got a nerve." " You said what was yours was mine." " Do you mind if I look at it?" " No, not at all." "Thanks." "Jeeves, huh?" "Valet to Lord Fenton." "Huh." "That's cute." "Have you had yours told yet?" "A swell blowout." "I never thought it would turn out so good." " Oh." " Well, did you find out anything?" "Oh, you'd be surprised." "Go ahead, Prince." "Let's get the lowdown on you." "Oh, yeah, sure." "Oh, sure, sure, sure." " Cut three times, please." " Babe's sure gettin' a kick out of this." "We never went in for society much till you and the earl and the prince here come along." " It means a lot to her." " Really?" "You have worried considerably about an important business transaction." "But, uh, everything is coming out all right... even if not exactly as you anticipate perhaps, but don't worry." "Ah." "You will continue successfully in a long and prosperous life." "You see, Cedric my friend, it is in the cards." "They never lie." " Everything is going to be "hunky-drooly. "" " You dropped one." "The ace of spades." "You're..." "You're next, Cromwell." " Can I see you a minute, boss?" " Okay." " That's one on the prince." " Yeah, and here's one on you." "So you pulled a fast one." "Now what do you got to say?" "Oh, I "insure" you Mr. Cromwell can explain everything." "Really, Mr. Ross, you've got us all wrong." " Where's Barney?" " Hey, wait a minute." "Hey, Barney, come on, you're the host." "You're supposed to be circulating." "Hey, what are you doin' playing with that gat?" "Showing off again?" "First thing you know, you'll hurt somebody." "Come on." "Okay, Babe." "Be with you in a minute." "Well, hurry up." "All right, you guys, this is Babe's big night, and I'm not gonna have it queered up." "Go on out there and act like nothing happened." "I'll see ya after the party." "And if I was you, I wouldn't try to make a break... or tip off that phony earl." "Get goin'." "And smile." "Come on, smallJoseph!" "Come, come, come, come along!" " Come on, smallJoseph!" "Come, come, come!" " Uh-uh, mama's bank." "Nice going." "You had five straight passes." " What a delightful game." " Let it ride." " Ride?" " Don't weaken, Earl." "He means shoot the works." "The works?" "Oh, yes, yes, of course." "Come on, be natural!" " It is!" "It is!" " Wanna double again?" "{Jeeves] Well, I really hate winning so much money." "Go ahead." "Your luck's gonna change." "Oh, really?" "Yes, thanks very much." " Seven and a natural!" " {Jeeves] Isn't that marvelous." "Shall we try again?" "There we go." " Where's that cable, Gerry?" " Huh?" "Oh, right here." " It's gone." " I thought so." " A fine sleuth you are." " What's all the excitement about?" "Barney's onto the whole setup, whatever it is, and there are going to be fireworks." "Good." "Now you've got your little story." "Maybe you'll rate the front page for a change." "Uh-huh, and maybe we'll rate the obituary column." "Come on, get out of that shroud." "We've got work to do." " Good night, Barney." "See you at the Broadmoor Club." " A delightful time." " Thank you." "Good night, Barney." "See you at the Broadmoor Club Saturday for golf." "It was the best party in five years." " Good night, Mrs. Ross." "Good night, Your Lordship." " Good night." "Just a second, Cinderella." "It's after 12:00." " Oh, good-bye." " My husband invariably wants to leave the party... the moment after we arrive, and here we are the last couple." "Oh, say, I'm putting you up for membership at the club, all right?" " Sure." " Good night." " Good night." " Good night." " Good gracious, what was that?" " That's my new Duesenberg out in the drive." "Backfiring." "They're warming it up." "Some friends of mine are goin' for a ride." " Good night." " Good night." "What's this?" "A family tree." "Sir Francis Drake." "Hey, this is no piker's game." " What is it?" " A million-dollar policy on the earl's life." "That's all." " What do you think you're doing?" " Well, you see..." " Trying to make a break for it, boss." " Yeah?" "Get on over there against the wall." "You too." "The both of you." "It's been a most glorious affair, Mrs. Ross." " I don't know when I've enjoyed myself so much." " Thank you, Your Lordship." "Why, what is this?" "Why, Prince?" "Prince, me eye." "And this horse-face spook ain't no earl either." "Here." "Take a gander at that." "I think, old boy, that remark calls for a little explanation." " You're right, and you'd better talk fast." " A valet?" "Yes, of course, it's quite true, I was in service." "But, Cromwell, didn't you make that clear?" " I'm listenin'." " It's all a lamentable mistake." "A ghastly blunder, but quite unwittingly." "Uh, I'm afraid he's not the earl of Braddock." "A mistake?" "But what about the chart and Honoria Dybble?" " Yeah, the chart." " Oh, yes." "Uh, well, you see, there's been a slight error." " Oh, yeah?" " Yeah." "It isn't Dybble." "It's really Dubble." "But it was only today that we were able to verify this." "You see, the Saxon "U" became obsolescent during the Norman Conquest... and was frequently mistaken for a "Y."" "As a result of this, it caused great consternation... among the entomologists and, uh, ethnologists." "Yeah?" "Keep going." "I'm afraid that that's about all I can say." "It is merrily a case of mistaken indemnity." "Dear, dear, this is a blow." "Quite deflating." "I am sorry, sir." "You must think me rather an impostor." " You don't mind, I hope." " You hope?" "Of course, I shall return you my share of the advance." "As for the rest, I shall make every effort to reimburse you." "Shall we say at a pound a week?" " So in 200 years, we're even?" " Of course, I won a little money at dice." "I don't want that chicken feed." "You won it with my dice, didn't you?" "I can't tell you how deeply I regret this." "You've been a most gracious hostess, and I shan't embarrass you any further." "Not so fast, wise guy." " I simply loathe being mauled." " Wait a minute." " You're not going anywhere." " You'd better wait a minute." "I happen to work for a newspaper, and I think I have a swell story." "It's about Barney Ross, the wiseguy... who fell for the phoniest racket on two continents." "And who threw a big party for an English valet." "You think this town's gonna get a laugh out of that or not?" " She's right, Barney." " Keep out of this." "You'll never print that story." "Okay, you let us walk out of here, and I'll forget it." "You're not walking anywhere." " Ouch!" " All right, I'll take it from here on." "Go ahead, out." "I didn't say you." "You're okay." "Scram." " {Jeeves] Thank you." "I understand." " Now you listen to me." "I'm not gonna have this whole town laughing at us, see?" "We've been trying to crash society in this burg since they took the lid off Prohibition." "And we're in." "I don't care whether that guy's an earl or a valet." "He done it, didn't he?" "And whatever it cost you, it's cheap, ain't it?" "Oh, Barney, Barney." "You said you'd do anything for me." " Oh, Barney." " Oh, okay." "Okay, Babe." "Maybe you're right." "Oh, cut it out, will you, Babe?" "Hey, wait a minute!" "We got a little cash business to settle, haven't we?" "You lost, and you owe me 10 thousand bucks." "What do you mean I lost?" "I solved it, didn't I?" " You've got to marry me." " I got the story." "Sure, but you can't print it." "All right, we'll leave it up to the earl." "Uh, what do you say?" "If I were in your position, sir, and matrimonially inclined..." "I should take the young lady in my arms, sir." "And with the aid of nature, let her decide for herself." "Thank you, Jeeves." "My friend, His Imperial Majesty Nicholai, czar of all the Russias... is not dead." "And in order to retrieve the throne of Russia... he has persuaded me, Boris Caminov..." "To sell the crown jewels." "Uh, step lively, Jeeves." "Yes."