"Hello, sir." "Welcome to Saint Marie." " You're nervous." " Me?" " Yeah!" " Gosh, no way!" "I can't wait to see her." " Aunt Mary was always my most favourite aunt." " How come?" "Well, when I was growing up, and my parents had to take my brothers off to play rugby or cricket or some ball game or whatever, they'd always dump me with Aunt Mary." "And what would you do?" "Oh, gosh." "What wouldn't we do, Florence?" "But if it was raining we'd stay inside and do puzzles from the Puzzler Magazine or play Battleships or jigsaws, even." "Aunt Mary would always let me do the edges." "And that was... good?" "Ah, here they come!" "Aunt Mary!" "Over here!" "Humphrey!" " Oh, how handsome you are." " Oh." "Oh, let me take a good look at you." "You don't look too bad yourself, Aunt Mary." "Oh, you always say the right thing." "Oh, oh, yes, of course, gosh." "Er, Detective Sergeant Florence Cassell." "Florence, this is Aunt Mary." " Lovely to meet you." " How do you do?" "Welcome to Saint Marie." "So, Auntie, how was England when you left?" "Oh, freezing cold and dark as hell." "Feel as if I haven't seen the sun for months." "I can tell you, this is far more like it!" "Here we are." "Now, I've been planning what we can do tomorrow, starting with a boat trip to the coral reef." " Now, hang on, it's here somewhere." " Oh!" "Oh." "Hang on." "Oh, is this?" "Yes, here we..." "Oh, dear, that's not very good." "Humphrey." "I can, er..." "I just..." "Ah, it looks like this, but just less tomato-soupy." "Or we can go to the rum museum, which is also less tomato-y in real life than it is in this photo." "Oh, look, as long as you've got time, I want to do it all." "Good." "Yeah, can I order room service?" "Just a burger and chips and two bottles of beer." "No, thank you." "That's great." "Oh." "I'm on my way, madam." "If there is anything there, then we will find it." "Now, are you sure it was that room up there?" "Yes." "I'm sure." "I know you probably think I'm just a stupid old woman, but I'm sure I heard something." "Oh, God." "What?" "You're right." "There is somebody there." "Dwayne, JP, what's going on?" "I think he must've fallen from that top balcony, Chief." "Body's bruised, trauma to the back of the head." "All consistent with a fall." "What about my aunt?" "Anyone know if she's OK?" "She's fine, sir." "I've just been talking to her." " You have?" " Yeah, but you should know, she witnessed the victim's death and she's saying it wasn't an accident." "This is murder?" "Oh, great." "Right, Dwayne, JP, process the scene and then get the paramedics to remove the body." "I've got an aunt to interview." "Gosh, well, that's a first." "Oh, thank you, Freddie." "Aunt Mary." "Are you OK?" "I'm..." "I'm just a bit rattled." "Freddie here's helping." "This is my nephew." "He's a detective inspector." "Freddie Hamilton, hotel porter." "DI Goodman." "Thank you for looking after my aunt." "Now, could I ask you, Mr Hamilton..." "Oh, please." "Everybody calls me Freddie." "Yes, Freddie." "Er, was the deceased staying at the hotel?" "Yes, I've got his check-in details here." "John Green, staying in room 33." "It says he only arrived at the hotel today." "Got a room booked in the name of John Green." "You'll need to know what I saw, won't you?" "Yeah, yes, of course, if you're up to it." "Oh, yes, of course." "You see, I was asleep." "I woke when I heard an altercation in the next room." "So then I went downstairs into my sitting room and that's when I thought I heard what sounded like a scream as the poor man was pushed off his balcony." " Did you see who pushed him?" " No, I didn't, but... straightaway afterwards I went to his room." "You know, next to mine?" "I knocked on the door, but no answer." "So I phoned down to reception and" "Freddie and I found the body together." "Yes, er, what time was this?" "Ten past two." "It had just gone two when you called me." "Oh?" "Really?" "Sorry." "Then it was two." "Thank you, Auntie." "Er, if you wouldn't mind bearing with us." "Er, Freddie, we just have a couple more questions, if you would." "OK." "So, when did you know something was wrong?" "It had been a quiet shift, then the phone rang and that's when Miss Goodman said that she'd seen somebody fall." "Then we found the body together." "Did you see anyone leave or enter the hotel just before or" " after Mr Green died?" " No." "Do you have any CCTV cameras at the hotel at all?" "We've got one CCTV camera in reception." "I can get the disc for you." "We'll want all the recordings since lunchtime today, when Mr Green checked in, if that's OK?" " Of course." "Did you interact with the deceased at all today?" "I brought him a room-service dinner, about eight o'clock tonight." "He was in good spirits and he was on his balcony, having a drink, reading a book." "He'd already got a tip ready for me, so... ..I wished him well and I left." "He didn't seem troubled at all, or, I don't know, waiting for something?" "No, no." "Not that I could see, no." "Right." "Do you know if Mr Green stayed here before?" "Not since I've been working here, no." "How long's that?" "About 14 years." "Right." "So, what do you think, sir?" "That we're about to make ourselves very unpopular." " Mr Green's room here." " Thank you." "OK, Dwayne, JP, I want you to wake up all the guests on this floor, ask who else saw or heard anything." "Yes, sir!" "OK, Dwayne, how about you start at that end and I'll start that end and race each other back to the middle?" "Yes, you go to it, tiger." "OK." "So, no signs of break-in into the victim's room." "We also need to dust the door handle and the door frame for prints." " Yes, sir." " Er, if you would, Freddie, thank you." "Although, does the hotel record when the pass-keys are used to open the doors to the rooms?" "Yeah, I can print out the hotel key-card logs as soon as I get the CCTV discs." "Thank you, Freddie." "Right." "OK." "Let's see what happened here." "How are you getting on, sir?" "Er, yes, well, Freddie just brought me the CCTV discs and the log, and if we look at room number 33..." "Oh, yes, wouldn't you know it?" "No key-card was used to access the room after 8pm tonight." "So, John Green opened the door to the killer himself?" "Mm." "How about you?" "How are you getting on?" "Oh, not much, sir." "Although the victim works for a company based in Colchester called East Anglian Conservatories." "OK, Chief, so we've spoken to all the other guests on the floor and we couldn't find anyone who heard or saw anything." "They were all asleep." "Although, sir, there was a woman five doors down who was on the same flight as Mr Green." "She said she had a chat with him and liked him." "He told her that he hadn't had a proper holiday for years and was looking forward to getting some sun, seeing some sights." "I don't know, maybe it was a robbery." "His money's still in his wallet." "Whatever happened here, it looks like the victim was asleep or at least reading in bed and then something made him get up." "Yes, a knock on the door, perhaps?" "Er, which made John Green come down here to let this person in and then this person pushed Mr Green off the balcony to his death and then made his or her escape without, as far as I can tell," "leaving any indication as to who our killer is or, indeed, why John Green had to die." "Hmm." "This is not really adding up to a pile of very much." "Aunt Mary." " You all right?" " Yeah." "I was just thinking about that poor man." "Yes, yes, I know." "Only, what with the case," "I'm afraid I won't be able to spend much time with you over the next few days." "Oh, don't worry about me." "I'll be fine." " Are you sure?" " Of course." "Now you go and catch whoever did this." " I'll see you tomorrow." " Yeah." "What's that, old chap?" "Someone coming?" "There is?" "Gosh, well, this is a development in our relationship." "My very own guard lizard." "Ah, who disappears at the first sign of danger." "Ah, Florence!" " Good morning, sir." " Morning." "Are you OK?" "Yes, couldn't be better." "Er, although I've been checking, and John Green's got no criminal record or criminal associates on the UK Police database or Interpol." "Oh, and I've spoken to immigration, as well, and he's never been on Saint Marie before, either." " He hasn't?" " No." "This was his first visit to the island." "Then how come he was murdered within hours of arriving here?" "Yes, well, if I hear anything further," "I'll be the first to let you know, of course." "Yes." "All right, thank you, goodbye." "Mr Green's boss, sir?" "Yes." "He was rather shocked to hear the news." "What did he have to say about the victim?" "Well, it's all rather sad, really, Dwayne." "He said Mr Green was hard-working, honest, popular with staff and customers alike." "Said he runs the office pub quiz team and last year he was a brilliant Secret Santa at the office Christmas party." "So, Florence, tell me we've got something from the fingerprints we took from the victim's room." "I'm sorry, but the only fingerprints I've been able to identify all belong to the victim, although you should know, the door handle to the room didn't have any prints on it at all." "It had been completely wiped clean." "Which suggests our killer knew what they were doing." "Dwayne, how you getting on with the hotel's CCTV discs?" "Well, Chief, we've got two discs - one covering yesterday from 2pm to 2am and the other one from 2am onwards." "This is the one I started with." "And you can see here, your aunt Mary calls down to report the murder." "Freddie goes off to find the body." "And if we keep moving, it's later..." "There." "We arrive to inspect the body." "There is no evidence of the killer making their escape, but, then again, they could've left by another route." "Good morning, everybody!" "Ah, JP!" " How you doing, Chief?" " Yes, I'm quite well, thank you." " Good." "OK, so I've been back to the hotel, talking to staff, and a few people who spoke to Mr Green yesterday said that he was a really nice guy, friendly, typical holiday-maker, but I do have one lead." " You have?" " Yes, I spoke to a receptionist and she says she organised a taxi for Mr Green at about 4pm." "She did?" "Where did he go?" "From the hotel to the botanical gardens." "He was gone for about an hour" " and then another taxi brought him back again." " Well done, JP." "Whatever I can do to help, Chief." "And you know what?" "Maybe that's where John Green met the person who later killed him." "I think we should go and check it out, Florence, although I'd like to pop in on the hotel on the way." "I want to see how my aunt is." "Good idea." "Ah, Mr and Mrs Bachman, how have you been this past year?" " Hello!" " Oh!" "Oh, thank you." "Good morning, Freddie." "I wonder, have you seen my aunt today?" "She's at the beach-side bar with her friend." " Her friend?" " Miss Lewis." " I'm sorry..." "Hello, Freddie." " Let me help you." " She has a friend?" "Auntie." "Sir?" "Morning, Inspector." "Detective Sergeant." "The Commissioner came to find me." "Check I was OK." "Isn't that kind of him?" "You did, sir?" "And he's had the most brilliant idea." "Because it's important you focus on the case now, and yet it would be terrible if your aunt's first day on the island should tarnish the rest of her stay here." "So, the Commissioner's cleared his diary and he says he's going to show me the sights himself." "Wow!" "Wow." "And you're sure you can, er, spare the time, sir?" "It's a sacrifice I'm prepared to make for the case." "Wonderful." "Can I ask you a question?" "Did you see this man here yesterday?" "Thank you." "Any progress, sir?" "I've spoken to reception and they don't remember seeing John Green here yesterday." "And I can't find anyone who saw him, either." "Although it is a big place." "And there are hundreds of tourists here every day." "I mean, what if they just didn't notice him?" "Still nothing." " Hey." "You got to tell me what's going on." " Mm?" "You keep smiling to yourself." "There's something up." "Well, er, you're right, Dwayne, um... but you're not allowed to tell anyone, you know, because..." "Well, I don't really know how to put this, er..." "Whoa." "I think I'm in love." "You?" "In love?" "Yes it's..." "It's..." "It's Rosey." " Rosey?" " Yes, I love her." "And, you know, I keep on forgetting that that's how I feel, you know?" "So, I just find myself doing something like... like going through the immigration lists and then" "I suddenly remember and I just start to smile." "I can't wait to tell her." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "You're going to do what?" "Tell Rosey I love her." "Are you crazy?" "You can't ever tell a woman you love her." " I can't?" " No!" "Because once you tell a woman that, they own you." "And the next thing you know, you'll be telling your friends you can't see them tonight because you fancy a "quiet night in"." "So I..." "I don't tell her I love her?" "No!" "Listen, JP." "You want a healthy relationship with a woman, right?" "Yes, yes." "That's..." "That's exactly what I want, Dwayne." "Then never tell her the truth." "How were the botanical gardens, sir?" "Not a thing." "How about you?" " I think I may be onto something, you know?" " Really?" " You are?" " I said maybe." "You see," "I started on the other CCTV disc, you know, the one from the afternoon?" "And there's John Green checking in." "He looks just like any other tourist, right, Chief?" "And here's you checking in your aunt Mary just moments later." "Gosh, does my hair really look like that?" "OK, but if you go forward ten minutes this guy turns up." " And who is he?" " His name's Neil Jenkins." "He's a career criminal from the UK, who came to the island nine years ago." "The police back in the UK asked us to keep an eye on him." "He's done time for ABH - twice." " And you recognised him?" " You better believe it." "When he came here, I made sure I introduced myself to him." "Is there any footage of him talking to John Green or interacting at all?" " No, Chief." " Or anything else incriminating Mr Jenkins in Mr Green's murder?" "Yes." "He's a known criminal and he was in the same hotel as the victim that afternoon." "That's pretty tenuous, Dwayne, but if that's all we've got, let's go and pay Mr Jenkins a visit." "Thanks so much for agreeing to see us." "Always a pleasure to assist the local constabulary." "How can we help?" "Well, it's, er..." "It's just that..." "Oh, wow!" "Um, it's er, just that your name came up as part of our enquiries." "Really?" "Hello." "Would you rather we had this conversation elsewhere?" "No." "I haven't got any secrets from my wife." "Ask away." "OK." "Were you at La Toubana Hotel yesterday?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I'm a member of the gym there." "What time did you arrive and leave?" "Got there about half past two." "Went to the gym, came out, sat about in the sun for an hour." "Got home about four o'clock." "Does the name John Green mean anything to you?" "No." "Don't think so." "Ella?" " What's that, sorry?" " Do you know a John Green, love?" "No." "Why?" "This is him." "Please have a good look." "Do you recognise him at all?" "No." "Never seen him." "And where were you both last night around, er, 2am?" "Well, I was in bed with my wife." "What is all this?" "Can you prove that?" "No, darling." "I was in bed with my wife, Ella." "She'll alibi me." "Oh, and I should tell you that I'm on sleeping pills, so come about midnight I was out for the count." " Isn't that right, dear?" " Yeah." "When I went to bed at midnight, Neil had been asleep for over an hour." "Anyway, what's it matter where we were at 2am?" " It's when this man was murdered at La Toubana Hotel." " No!" "All right, love." "All right." "And you think because I was in the area earlier in the day, that that man's death might have something to do with me?" "Eh?" "Well, unless you got any more questions, get out." "Thanks for your help." "Is it just a coincidence?" "I mean, the man had to be somewhere on the day of the murder and both he and his wife say he's got an alibi for the time" "John Green was killed." "And I can't find any link to Neil Jenkins on Mr Green's phone, sir." "That's hardly surprising." "Neil Jenkins hasn't been back to the UK in the last nine years." "And John Green has never been to Saint Marie before." "Yeah, so how could the two men possibly have known each other?" "It's a very good point." "Yes, but how about the other Brits currently on the island?" "JP, have you been through the list immigration sent over?" "I have, and I compared the names on the list to Mr Green's contacts on his phone and no-one he knows has arrived on the island." "Also, sir, I've gone through Mr Green's e-mails and he was just a regular, normal guy." "MOBILE PHONE RINGS Oh, er..." "Oh, gosh." "Sorry, I'd better get this." "Auntie!" "How are you?" "Oh, you're at Catherine's bar?" "How very clever of the Commissioner." "Yes, we've actually got to finish up here, anyway." "All right, see you then." "OK, everyone, that's all we can do today." "Er, but everything we've learnt about John Green tells us he was hard-working, honest..." "A good egg, no less." "A bon oeuf, Florence." "So, how come within hours of arriving on holiday, visiting an island he'd never been to before and travelling on his own, no less, someone got into this honest and well-liked man's room and brutally threw him to his death?" "Well, we had a lovely day, didn't we, Selwyn?" "Oh, yes." "And it's so nice to hear the old stories about you, Inspector." "What stories would these be?" "Well, I had no idea you had a family nickname." "I..." "I don't." "Oh, come on, Humphrey, you remember." "I don't!" "You were about eight or nine years old." "Back then, Humphrey had a quite a little tummy on him." "In fact..." "In fact, he was almost entirely spherical." "Auntie, you are not telling this story." "And, er, we went to the local museum and they had this old gaol that we loved looking at." "You ARE telling this story." "And Humphrey was sitting on the wall outside." "Only he fell off it and banged his head and that's when he got his family nickname." "What was it?" "Humpty Dumpty!" "Are you all right, JP?" "Oh, er, yes." "Yes, I'm totally fine." "Thanks for asking." "You look a bit confused." "Well, to be honest with you, er..." "I am a bit confused." "But why?" "Is it girl trouble?" "Well, no." "No, it's the opposite, in fact." "Or if you put it another way, yes." "Yes, it is." "No way, Chief?" "!" "Yes, I'm sorry, Dwayne, but it's true." "It is my deepest and darkest secret." "You used to perform magic shows?" "You should've seen them!" "He'd make a poster." ""Humphrey's Marvellous Magic Show!"" "And he'd come out in a little bow tie and do all these wonderful card tricks." "A little bow tie?" "Well, yes, I was only ten years old at the time, so it had to be quite small." "Anyway, it's been a long day." "Er, Humphrey, perhaps you'd escort me back to the hotel?" "Yes, of course, Auntie." "Please." "Thank you for a wonderful day." "The pleasure was all mine, Aunt Mary." "Thank you." "I'll see you all soon." "Bye-bye." "Au revoir." "Bye-bye." "Same again, everyone?" "I'll give you a hand, Commissioner." " Dwayne, what have you done?" " What?" " The advice you gave JP!" "And what advice would that be?" "That JP must never tell Rosey that he's fallen in love with her." " Oh." " What did you do?" " I..." "But..." "It's..." "It's..." "It's because..." "You know how it is, ladies - when men get too clingy... it puts you right off." "If he loves her, he has to tell her." "It's you he looks up to." "You need to get him to tell Rosey how he feels about her." "Ah!" "I'm sorry I didn't get to spend any time with you today." "Oh, don't worry about it." "I had a wonderful time." "Yes." "Although there was something I wanted to say, and, er I thought maybe I'd find the right time to say it, but maybe there never is a right time." "What is it?" "Humphrey, look!" "That's John Green's room." "My God, there's someone in there!" "This is the police!" "Who's there?" "!" "Aaargh!" "Argh!" "Oh!" "Ohh!" "Sir!" " Oh, Florence." " Are you all right?" "He has a cut to his head and suspected concussion." "They've got to take him in for observation, but he's going to be all right." "I..." "I'm just a bit woozy and... a little bit hurty up there." "What happened?" "Someone broke into John Green's hotel room." "They were looking for something." "But Humphrey didn't see who it was, or what they were looking for." "You know, it's got to be our killer, Florence." "OK, don't worry, sir." "I'll get JP to work the scene and we'll discover who did this." "Yes, I know you will." "Thank you." "But please, first, would you escort Mary to her room?" "No way" " I'm not leaving your side after what happened." "No, I'm coming to the hospital with you." "OK, you can take him now." "I've got some water and some grapes." "Where did you get grapes from?" "Ah..." "A woman has to have her mystery." "Before, you know..." "I got tonked you were trying to tell me something." "So your memory's not affected." "Unlike mine." "I'm losing my marbles." "What?" "Though some people would say I never had any in the first place, but, er..." "Well I went to the doctor, and he did some tests." "You're not losing your marbles." "Oh, I am, Humphrey." "I forget things." "We all forget things." "I can't remember what day it is half the time." "I know." "But I forget recipes that I've been making my whole life, and... the names of friends." "You know, I can't do logic puzzles any more." "That's what you do." "Puzzles." "That's what we do." "It's scary." "I've had a wonderful life and now I'm going to forget it all." "Well, that was my reason for this trip." "I wanted to spend some time with you while I can still remember." "And I wanted to be the one who told you." "And now I have." "So you reckon the chief will be OK, Sarge?" "He should be fine." "Oh, JP..." "Did you discover what the intruder was looking for?" "Er..." "I'm sorry." "I mean, the drawers were open, the victim's luggage was pulled apart..." "I mean, the intruder was definitely looking for something, but I have no idea what it was, or if he even found it before he ran away." "Then what about fingerprints?" "No new prints on any other surfaces I could find." "So the intruder was wearing gloves." " Almost certainly." " Like he was the first time." "What have you got on your side?" "I'm trying to run background checks on Mr Green's contacts, but I'm struggling." "He only knows about 30 people, and they're all from his home town, Colchester." "It's just not much to go on." "It's just like his credit report, Sarge." "It's all above board, but where it lists previous residences, it's only got his Colchester address, which he moved into five years ago." "There are no other addresses listed before then." "But he must have lived somewhere before then." "You know what?" "I think his passport was only issued five years ago." "Yeah, it was." "OK, everyone." "I think we need to find out what John Green was up to before five years ago." "What is it?" "Chicken soup." "Mmm." "Everyone needs chicken soup when they're ill." "Yes, quite." "Ahem..." " What do you think?" " Er, well, it's, er..." "It's delicious." "Now..." "No over-exciting him." "I've spoken to the doctor, and he needs complete bed rest for at least another day." "OK?" " Of course." " Yes." "Nuts to that." "You've made a breakthrough, haven't you?" "Yes, what she said." "Well, sir, we finally realised we didn't have a single record for John Green from more than five years ago." "It was like he didn't exist before 2011." "That's when Sarge came up with her genius idea." "What if he DIDN'T exist before 2011?" "Ah, that's not possible!" "It's not his real identity, is it?" "I got onto the police back in Essex, but at the right level this time - the superintendent - and she was able to confirm my suspicions and put me onto John Green's handler." "John Green is not his real name, Chief." "It's Marcus Knight." "He was a crooked accountant who worked with a number of criminal families, and a load of diamond merchants from the East End of London." "Oh, this is wonderful!" "But six years ago, he knew the police were closing in on him, so he turned his files over to them in return for a reduced sentence and a new identity." "Yes, his evidence put seven other criminals in prison." "Although the police still suspected Mr Knight had stolen the best part of a quarter of a million pounds from his clients before he went to the police." "Not that they were able to prove it or recover the money." "But once he'd served his time for false accounting, the Government gave Mr Knight a new name and put him in witness protection." " Brilliant!" "Well done, everyone." " We've already been onto immigration, and they say Marcus Knight visited the island six years ago." "Just before he turned himself in to the UK police." "He's been to the island before?" "In which case, Florence, you need to compile a list of all" "Marcus Knight's known associates before he went to prison, starting with those criminals he turned Queen's evidence against." "Yes, sir." "Ah... yes, well, well done, well done, everyone." "Perhaps I'd better..." " HE SIGHS - ..rest." " MACHINERY BLEEPS" " Hmm!" " Don't worry, Aunt Mary, er... just a moment..." "Ah hello, hello." "Sorry, er, don't know how that happened, but, er... now I've got you here, I wonder if you could help me." "Because we're going to need a large whiteboard and some marker pens in varying colours." "Thank you." "I mean, after all, Auntie... what else do we do when we're confined indoors, if not solve some puzzles?" "You know what I can't help thinking, Auntie?" "That Marcus Knight is the Cretan from the riddle." "Who?" "The man from Crete who says that all men from Crete are liars." "I don't know that one." "Yes, you do, the Epimenides Paradox - you taught it to me." "You know, if he's from Crete, he's lying, and if he's telling the truth, then he can't be from Crete." "I can't... can't remember it." "Sorry, I told you, it's not what it was." "Don't worry." "All I'm saying is that nothing we know about Marcus Knight can be presumed to be true." "So what I keep coming back to is, what if he never actually went to the botanical gardens at all?" "I see." "Well, where do you think he went?" "No idea." "Hmm." "Although Dwayne said Marcus Knight stole a quarter of a million pounds before he went to prison six years ago." "Yes, and Dwayne also said that Marcus came out to the island six years ago, as well." "Shortly before he turned himself in to the police." "So maybe he's been hiding his money on the island all this time!" "Good grief, Auntie, I wonder if you're right." "So if he DIDN'T go to the botanical gardens, I wonder where he did go." "Well, where else is there nearby?" "Somewhere he could have kept a quarter of a million pounds safe" " for six years." " Well, gosh, I don't really know." "I mean, there's just a few shops up there." "There's a... a chemist, and..." "and a laundry, I think, and..." "And then there's just a..." "Good grief!" "There's also a bank!" "Do you want to ring Florence, or shall I?" "I can confirm that a Marcus Knight took out a safety deposit box with us in February of 2010." "Six years ago?" "Yes, and three days ago, he presented himself and his key to the branch, emptied his box, closed down the account, and handed back his key." "Do you know what he'd been keeping here in those six years?" "I don't." "But I know it fitted inside a brown holdall." "But we never found no brown holdall in his room." "OK, so the killer took the bag of money when he killed Marcus Knight." "Yes, because it was full of a quarter of a million pounds." "And just imagine, Sarge, the money's been sitting in that bank all this time." "All you'd need is a key, and all of the cash is yours." "You're right." "About what?" "Where was the key all this time?" " How do you mean?" " OK..." "Imagine - you're Marcus Knight." "You've put a load of money in a safety deposit box, and you know you're going to prison." "What are you going to do with the key?" " Give it to someone for safekeeping." " But who?" "OK, Dwayne, go back to the bank and get the key Mr Knight used to open his safety deposit box." "I think we need to test it for fingerprints." "Ah-ha-ha!" "Find anything yet, JP?" "Seven points of comparison." "That's admissible in court." "Who does the fingerprint belong to?" "Neil Jenkins." " I don't know what you're talking about." " Marcus Knight is the real name of John Green, the man who was murdered only hours after you were seen at his hotel." "The man you told us you didn't know." "Even though he visited you six years ago." "Which is when he left his safety deposit key with you, didn't he?" "A safety deposit key we just retrieved from the bank, and we were able to lift a clean fingerprint belonging to you off the key fob." "Which implicates you in his murder, unless you can explain how your fingerprint got there." "All right." "All right, I admit that I knew that John was really Marcus." "Yeah." "He used to be my company accountant years ago." "So why did you lie to us?" "Because I wanted to protect his secret." " Which was...?" " Look... before Marcus handed himself over to the Old Bill, he siphoned off a lot of cash for himself, and he was going to store it in the bank for when he came out." "Now, he asked me to look after the key." "The day that he came back, we arranged a meeting." "We went to the hotel, sat out on the balcony, had a few beers, talked about old times, you know, compared war wounds, it was lovely." "And then I gave him the key so that he could go to the bank." "And you got on after all this time?" "Yeah, of course we got on." "I mean, everyone loved Marcus, didn't they?" "I mean, I actually said to him that he ought to cancel his reservation at the hotel, and he should spend the rest of his holidays with us." "Didn't I, darling?" " What was that?" " I said that he could spend the rest of the holidays with us." "Yes!" " And he would have done if he hadn't died, the poor man." " So you knew Marcus Knight, as well?" "He was Neil's accountant, so I suppose I knew him to say hello to." "And you both admit you knew about the money" "Mr Knight had been keeping at the bank all this time?" " I didn't know about any money." " Look, all right, all right..." "All right, that's true." "Ella didn't know about the money." "It wasn't my secret to share - simple as that." "Even though last time I was here, you told me you had no secrets from your wife." "You see, this is the problem we've got, Mr Jenkins." "We know you couldn't have got Mr Knight's money out of the bank while he was in prison." "Because Mr Knight was the only one who could get it out." "So this is what we're thinking." "Once you were sure Mr Knight had his money, you went to his room in the middle of the night, killed him, and stole it for yourself." "Listen..." "You're forgetting one thing, all right?" "I had an alibi for the night that he was murdered." "So where were you last night just before midnight?" "I was asleep." "Why?" " Can you prove that?" " I've done nothing wrong here, all right?" "All I did was look after a key for an old friend." "So unless you have got a warrant or you're going to charge me, then I've finished helping the police with their enquiries, so out!" "I'm telling you, Neil Jenkins is our killer!" "He's a known criminal, he's been looking after the key, and he knows the bag contained money." "But, Dwayne, he's already a rich man." "Why would he need to kill for money?" "We need the inspector." "If Neil Jenkins killed Marcus, he'll have taken the bag of money and hidden the cash somewhere." "So, JP, how's your research going?" "Well, we already know a lot about Neil Jenkins, so I decided to do a few background checks on his wife." "And I've discovered she was on the police computer under her maiden name, Ella Thomas." "15 years ago - about a year or so before she married Neil - she was cautioned for running a fake perfume stall in London on Oxford Street." "She also has a serious amount of debts on her credit cards." "Oh, so she's not as innocent as she pretends to be." "But how did she know that Marcus was collecting the money that day, mm?" "Her husband said he never told Ella about the bag of money." "You know what?" "We still don't know why the killer returned to the scene of the crime." "I think we should find out, don't you?" "No, sir, sir!" "The doctors said you had to stay in bed." "Yes, I know, but what do doctors know?" "Oh... hold on!" "Oh..." "Don't worry, I'm fine." "Ah!" "And I hope you don't mind, but for the remainder of the case," "I am co-opting the help of a civilian expert." "Aunt Mary." "So, the killer gets back in here, but what are they looking for?" "And did they find it?" "Almost certainly not, sir." "I mean, seeing as you interrupted them." "Yes, but it was down here that the original fight for the money must have been, because..." "Mr Knight was thrown over this balcony here." "Sir, it has to be Neil Jenkins." "He's the only person on the whole island who knew there was a bag full of money." " Well, yes, we keep saying that, but, you know, I wonder if that's true." " How do you mean?" "Well, this whole case has been the wrong way round from the start, hasn't it?" "I mean, John Green wasn't even John Green." "So what if the one proven crook in this case isn't the crook after all?" "I mean, Neil's already rich, so why would he need to kill for money?" "And yes, in fact, what if the secret of the money... wasn't... even... a secret?" "Yes, but why kill that night?" "Singing!" "Well, I'll be blowed." "'We went to the hotel, sat out on the balcony, had a few beers, 'talked about old times.'" "I said, "Look, why don't you cancel your reservation at the hotel," ""come and spend the rest of your holidays with us?"" " Yes, er... what time was this?" " Ten past two." "THAT'S why you'd kill that night... and why the secret's not a secret!" "But, wait, that's not possible." "(Maybe that's not impossible.)" "Good grief!" "You know who killed Marcus Knight?" "Aunt Mary..." " That's your room next door, isn't it?" " That's right." "Then I need the log of who opened what doors that afternoon." "I need to know who was in Room 32!" "Mr and Mrs Jenkins." "Why do you want to meet us up here?" "Well, you want to know who killed your good friend, Marcus Knight, don't you?" "Of course." "Please..." "Now, Neil..." "You and Marcus went to his room the afternoon he was killed, didn't you?" "What of it?" "Freddie, if you would, please." "That's not Marcus's room." "It was that one over there." "Don't worry, all will become clear." "Please." "You see, all along, you had to be our killer, Neil." "Only you knew about Marcus's bag of money." "And yet..." "Marcus was your one-time company secretary." "You'd even, er..." "looked after the key to his safe deposit box for the last six years." "This is not the behaviour of someone who has hate in his heart." " You didn't kill him." " Too damn right I didn't." "But it made me realise - excuse me, Aunt Mary - that there was someone else on the island who could have known about that money." "And that was you, Ella." "Because even if you didn't tell your wife about the bag of money, well..." "I mean, Ella was still here six years ago when Marcus dropped that money off." "He could have told her all about it then." "You already have a criminal past." "Selling fake perfume." "And you're maxed out on your credit cards." "You need the money." "It's not that bad." "I didn't kill him!" "No." "Because that honour belongs to you, Freddie." "What?" "You killed Marcus Knight." "What?" "I don't understand." "Why would I do that?" "I know!" "I mean... how did you even know there was a bag of cash to steal in the first place?" "Well, let's see." "Because, as a porter... you have one particular skill, don't you?" "And that is remembering names and faces." "Ah, Mr and Mrs Bachmann, how have you been this past year?" "So I think your suspicions were raised the moment Mr Knight returned to the hotel after a gap of six years, saying his name was now Mr Green." "Afternoon!" "I've got a room booked in the name John Green." "When a well-known island crook arrived soon after, we think you decided to find out what was going on." "Because although you never used your pass-key to enter Marcus's room that night - I mean, you'd never be so stupid - the hotel records do show that you were in this room for 25 minutes that afternoon " "the room next door to Mr Knight's." "Even though there were no guests staying here." "So why is that, Freddie?" "It was when you heard the story of a bag of cash containing a quarter of a million pounds." "You know what the tragedy is?" "Marcus would possibly still be alive if you hadn't invited him to move into your house for the rest of the holiday." "Because it made Freddie realise, if he wanted his bag of money for himself, he'd have to act fast." "When you got to deliver room service to Marcus that night," "I mean, I think you checked for the bag of money - of course you did - but you also made sure that you left the door on the latch, so you wouldn't need to use your pass-key later on, didn't you?" "As you knew the hotel logged every time a key is used." "I..." "I was downstairs on reception when he was killed." "Oh, yeah, that's right, you were, weren't you?" "Yes, the CCTV footage proves it." "If you would, please, JP?" "Yes, Chief." "Because you're right, Freddie." "Here you are, just after 2am, minding your own business." "And here's the phone call from Aunt Mary, er... phoning down to reception, telling you that someone's fallen from their balcony." "Oh, and there you are, getting your torch and going to help." "So how on earth could you possibly be the killer?" "I mean, you never left reception." "But then I remembered when we first interviewed you," "Aunt Mary said she phoned down to reception at 2:10am." "But you corrected her, and said it was more like two." "It had just gone two when you called me." "It was only a difference of ten minutes." "What did it matter?" "Well, as it happens, quite a lot." "So, thank you, Mary." "You weren't confused that night." "Or forgetful in any way." "It was ten past two when you rang down." "And it was in this missing ten minutes that Freddie committed murder." "First... he waited until he had to swap the CCTV discs over at 2am, as we know." "Well, Chief, we've got two discs." "One covering from 2pm yesterday to 2am, and the other one from 2am onwards." "But he didn't put in the new disc." "Not yet, anyway." "You see, at this stage, he was just planning to carry out a quick robbery, get back to reception and then put the new disc in before anyone noticed his absence." "Which is what he did - go into Marcus' room, letting himself in without using his key." "And then?" "Well, we can't know for sure." "But we do know Marcus woke up." "Did he threaten to call the police, Freddie?" "Or were you always prepared to kill for that money?" "I mean, either way, you knew you couldn't back down." "You had to get that money at all costs!" "And when you got back down to reception," "I imagine you were just in..." "in a desperate panic, wishing you could have your time over again." "And that's when you realised." "The disc wasn't recording!" "You COULD have your time over again!" "All you needed to do was set the wall clock back to 2am before starting the next DVD." "So that when Aunt Mary rang down a few minutes later to report the murder, you now appeared to have an alibi for the moments leading up to the murder." "It was like you never left reception." "Except when you look closely, you can see the brown holdall at your feet." "All you then needed to do was return the wall clock to the real time later on after you'd taken the disc out to give to us." "I mean, it was only ever a few minutes out, anyway." " But why?" " Why?" "I know." "I mean, after all, Freddie's got no criminal record." "There's been no hint he's stolen from guests before." "But then, I imagine no-one's brought in a quarter of a million pounds in hard cash before." "So why?" "I mean, in a world where you get by on dollar tips here and there..." "I imagine that amount of money was just a bit too hard to resist, eh, Freddie?" "I mean, plus, it's stolen." "So if someone took it," "Marcus would never be able to report its theft to the police." "Easy money, really." "I imagine the temptation was just too great, eh, Freddie?" "Chief!" "You were right." "I searched Freddie's house and found it." "But..." "Thank you, Dwayne." "Finally, the bag of money!" " Chief, I really think you should..." " One moment, Dwayne." "All along, we've been trying to work out who killed Marcus Knight." "And the answer is... anyone who wanted to get their hands on a quarter of a million pounds." "I did try." "Where's the money?" "There wasn't any." "When I opened the bag it was just that." "Yes, of course." "That's why you broke back into the room the following night." "Because you were still searching for the money." "You didn't find it that time, either, did you?" "Not with me interrupting." "Argh!" "There never was any money." "What a waste of a life." "Take him away, Dwayne." "OK, well, I think this calls for a celebration, don't you think, Auntie Mary?" "Oh, yes, I think so, Dwayne." "JP?" "Sarge?" "A celebratory drink?" "Yes?" "Let's go." " Sir?" " Mmm?" "We're going for a drink." "No." " Yes, of course." " What is it, Humphrey?" "Well, I'm sorry, Auntie, it's just, er..." "Why would you put a load of old mementoes into a safety deposit box?" "Cos it's his old identity, sir." "I mean, he'd want to keep it safe." "Yes, no, I get that, JP, it's just... ..why keep it safe in the Caribbean?" "I mean, why not just put it into storage in the UK?" "And... if his possessions are worthy of a safety deposit box then why not the money?" "Sir..." "We've looked." "There's no money in that bag." "So where did he put the cash?" "Maybe there never was any cash." "Yeah, but he told Neil Jenkins he was here to collect his money." "Then what if the bag itself is the money?" "With all due respect, Auntie Mary, the bag's not even worth 20." "Yes, but what if it was?" "Yes, because, erm..." "What was Marcus's job again?" "He wasn't just an accountant to Neil Jenkins, was he?" "That's right, he worked for a diamond merchants'." "Chief..." "We looked inside and out - there's nowhere to hide anything." "And yet... in the world of logic puzzles..." "It's always your assumptions that lead you astray." "Ha..." "Yes, it is, isn't it?" "No way!" "He knows where the money is." "Now THAT'S how I'd hide a quarter of a million pounds." "Ahem..." "JP..." "Oh, Dwayne, don't worry." "I haven't told Rosey how I feel." "I've followed your advice down to the letter." "Ah, good, but possibly it wasn't quite the best advice." "Mmm?" "It wasn't?" "You see, JP, I've got a friend." " Yes, I..." "I know." " No, no, no, I mean..." "I've got a FRIEND." " Oh, you've got a FRIEND?" " That's what I said" " I've got a FRIEND." " It isn't me, by the way." " No." "But this friend of mine, he sort of nearly, kind of, fell for this girl real bad." "And the one thing I sometimes wonder..." " Your friend." " Huh?" "The one thing your friend sometimes wonders..." "Oh, of course, the one thing my friend sometimes wonders is... what if he had told her how really serious he was about her?" "You think that might have..." " turned out a bit different?" " No." "But your advice..." " Your friend's advice..." " Mm?" "I should tell Rosey I love her." "Yes, and soon!" "Because this friend of mine, he's got two female friends who are waiting to beat him up really bad if you don't." " Mmm?" " OK." "OK!" "Ah..." "Ah, JP!" "Everything OK?" "Everything's just fine, Dwayne." "You see, everything's just fine." "Ah, and you both look like you need a little Ti' Punch, eh?" "I need at least two!" "Dwayne!" "So you know... we couldn't have done it without you, Auntie." "It was quite an adventure!" "Yes, I'll say!" "So, your, er... memory was tip-top." "And your puzzle-solving abilities were even... tip-top-erer." "You know, this has been... one rocking-chair moment." "What's one of those?" "When I'm sitting in my rocking chair and everything starts to go I think there are some things I won't be able to forget." "Like... this." "Like... you, Humpty." "So, Inspector." "I just found this pack of cards by the backgammon set." "Oh, gosh." "Mary do you think we should ask your nephew to perform one of his famous magic tricks, hmm?" "Oh, absolutely, Selwyn." "No, look, really, gosh, I mean, it's been so long." " I just don't..." " Come on, Humphrey!" " HUMPHREY SIGHS" " Come on, Chief." "All right, then, JP." "Pick a card, any card." "OK." "Now, don't let me see it." "Show it to your friends... and then place it back in the pack." "Don't let me see it!" "Now, I can't possibly know what your card is." "And by shuffling this pack, I can't possibly know WHERE your card is." "Ah..." "But..." "Tell me... did you choose a red card?" "Yes." "Was it a diamond?" "No." "It wasn't?" "Are you sure?" "Er, yes, sir." "And that's exactly what I expected you to say, because the card you chose was two of hearts!" "Oh, er, sorry, it's been a while." "Ahem..." "Ladies and gentlemen... two of hearts!" "Ahem." "Right, just bear with me." "Wait, wait, here we go." "Two of hearts!" "It was, erm..." " Queen of hearts." " Two of hearts!" "Oh..." "Ah... it's got to be here somewhere." "Wait, wait, wait, one second, it's coming..." "Two of hearts..." "The two of hearts..." "Catherine..." "There isn't even a two of hearts in this pack!" "Oh(!" ")" "Welcome to Le Calmar Saint Marie." "Let the food do the talking." "In here!" "Definitely attacked from behind, turn round and then booph!" "Hey!" "You little bl..." "Out of breath, Grandad?" "My next lesson in the art of courtship." "We want to have the full experience."