"Previously on Childrens Hospital:" "Two things." "Number one, I get hard when a woman cries." "Number two, your daughter will never walk again." "Oh, my God." " Lola's dead." " I hear her ghost still haunts..." " ... the old haunted locker room." " Aah!" "Is it really so crazy that I faked my own death because I had too many e-mails?" "We lost her." "Listen, don't you blame yourself." " I don't blame myself." " Don't." " I don't." "I'm serious." " Don't you do that." "Does it look like I was?" "I shouldn't have given that impression." " This is not on you." " I'm not blaming myself." "Relax." "It wasn't my fault." "If anything, it was Beth's fault." "Sitting there the whole time like this:" ""Duh..." "I'm not a doctor." "What do I do?"" "Attention staff." "I was working in the lab late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight" "My monster from his slab began to rise And suddenly, to my surprise" "He did the mash He did the monster mash" "The monster mash" " Rah!" " Blah!" "It was a graveyard smash" " That is all." " Happy Halloween." "But then again, what's so happy about it?" "For some, it's all about dead people." " Owen?" " Aah!" "Go away, ghost Lola, before I call Bill Murray to bust you or the black guy whose name I can't remember." "I'm not dead." "No one believes me." " And it's Ernie Hudson." " They don't call you Lola in heaven?" "The guy from Ghostbusters is Ernie Hudson." " If you're not dead, then prove it." " No, I'm not peeing on you again." "I'm gonna find a way to bone you." "You wanna bone me even though I'm not alive?" "You are a ghost." "I knew it." " Hey, Dr. Maestro." " Lola's a ghost!" "Look, ahem, I know it's a children's hospital but it's Halloween and the real hospital is packed." " Okay, what do you got?" " Sorority party bus flipped over." "So I got a sexy French maid, sexy schoolgirl, sexy cop sexy Alice in Wonderland, sexy nurse..." " ... sexy stripper, Chewbacca." " Great." "Sexy hot dog, sexy homeless person, and a sexy section of drywall." " Okay, drywall." "Got it." " Yeah." "Sexy handicapped doctor." "Like to show her my sexy costume." "Ew." "What?" "Oh." "No, I just really wanna show her my sexy costume, not kill her." "Whatever." "I really wanna have sex with Lola, but she's a ghost." "So the only way for me to do that is to cross over to the spirit realm and find her." "You've gotta flatline me." "Owen, this isn't gonna work." "It's not the movies." "Hurry up and kill me before I change my mind." "How do I know when to shock you back?" "You got a cell phone?" "Let's set an alarm." " All right." " Ten minutes." "That will give me more than enough time to find her and make love to her several times." "I'm fast, but I reset quickly." "It's one of my things." " Great." " One more thing, when I'm under no peeking at my wiener, okay?" "If you do peek, I'll tell you, it's intense." "So don't look directly into it so..." "Am I dead?" "Did I flatline?" "Attention staff." "At 4 p.m., we will all gather around one of those big, old-timey radios to listen to President Roosevelt's update on the war." " Everyone is welcome, except Japs." " Roosevelt?" "Japs?" "I didn't die." "I time-traveled to 1987." "Lola hasn't even been born yet." "I can show these people modern medicine and get totally laid." " Excuse me, black and white lady." " Shh." "It's mulatto." "And no one's supposed to know that." "If they find out I have a white mother, they'll kick me out of nursing school." "Excuse me." "I'm from the future." "I need your help." "Okay, sweetheart." "You calm down and come on with me, and we'll bring you to see a doctor." "Okay." "We need to get on the Internet." "Do you have a laptop?" "Yes, when I sit down." "Nothing." "Aah!" "Please don't hurt me." "What are you doing here?" "Owen's looking for you in the spirit world." "I'm not a ghost." " Oh, yeah?" "Prove it." " How?" "Drink this water and we'll see if it goes right through you." "Ha!" "See?" "I told you." "You're a ghost." "No, I'm not a ghost." "I have a tiny bladder." "All right." "Totally unrelated to the ghost thing." "Drink while your dummy sings "Camptown Races. "" "All right." "LOLA Camptown ladies sing this song" "Doo-dah, doo-dah" "Look at me, chief." "You'll see me in my sexy costume." "Yes, you will." "Childrens." "Have you checked the children?" " It's him." " Aah!" " Trace the call." "Come on." " Aah." "Aah." "That's gonna take 30 to 45 seconds to figure out if we've checked those children." "Got it." "It's coming from inside the hospital." "The maternity ward." " Wait, is this Max?" " Yeah, man." "Have you checked the children?" "I've been up here for an hour and nobody's been by to check them." "Yeah, I'll send the chief up." "All right." "Your cold sounds terrible." "I'm coming, children." "What the...?" "This isn't the maternity ward." "Max!" "Hello?" "Anyone here?" "It's me, Chief." "Murderer!" "Oh, my balls." "Unh." "Oh, God." "Aah!" "Bedpans." "Hundreds of mousetraps!" "I just gave you a shot of this new drug, penicillin." "It should calm you down or not." "We don't know." "It might grow hair." "Listen to me." "I'm not crazy, I'm from the future." "And we don't have much time." "Together, we can save millions of lives." "Look, this proves it." "A cell phone, from the future." " It just vibrated." " Oh, no." "That means I'm out of time." "I have an appointment with the future." "Hmm." "Well, I'm off to buy a hot dog and the late edition for a nickel." "Take me now." "I wanna know how they make whoopee in the future, spaceman." "Spaceman?" "Okay." "But hold on just a second." "Let me write myself some stock tips so I can get rich in the future." "Microsoft, Cisco, E-TRADE." "Attention hospital staff." "The food in the cafeteria is made of people." "It's made of people." "That is all." "Okay, here we go." "What?" "Out of my way, drywall." "Aah." "Oh, God." "Oh, jeez, Louise." "Aah." "Ooh." "Whoa." "Whoa." "Aah!" "All right, everybody, we've come to a decision on the costume contest." "Okay, okay, okay." "And the winner is a three-way tie between the sexy French maid, sexy schoolgirl and Little Ernie Hudson." "Gotta get away from him." "And of course, the only fair way to settle this, the stripper pole." " Yeah, you right." " Whoo!" " Yeah." " Gotta get away." "God, gotta get away from him." "I know." "I'll shimmy up that pole." "No, no, wait, Chief!" " The pole is not secure!" " Aah!" "Oh!" "No!" "Aah!" "I'm sorry I tormented you as a teen." "Oh, no." "No, Chief." "It's me, Chet." "Yeah, I wanted to show you my sexy costume." " Oh, my God." "Thank God." " Ha, ha." "Wait a minute, Chet." "This your costume?" "I don't think it's very sexy." " No, no, this is my scary costume." " Oh." " This is my sexy costume." " Oh." " Hmm?" "Ha, ha." " Oh, that's nice." "Folks, we have a winner." "Sexy snake charmer." " Boo." "Oh." " Ha-ha-ha." "Come here." "Apple, uh, Google, Amazon, eBay." "Okay, let's do this." " That was quick." " Come back." "Come on." "I'll get naked." "Stop zapping me!" "Aah!" "Oh, that hurts." "Oh." " Did you find Lola on the other side?" " I didn't go to the other side." "I went back in time." "Ah!" "The stock tips." "Microsoft, Cisco, eBay." "Oh, wait." " Owen." " Aah!" " Ghost Lola." " I am not a ghost, okay?" "I didn't die." "But that day, the surgery, I saw you." "I'm just a gifted ventriloquist." "Wait, my phone." "Oh, my God, you guys." "I left my phone in the 1980s." "Do you know what this means?" "Can it be you?" "I waited so long." "It hasn't been very long for me." "It's been a minute." "Oh!" "Oh." "Okay." "Yeah, but..." "Mm." "You taste like vitamins." " That is actually kind of hot." " Wait till she sees his wiener." "Chief, I have so many things I wanna show you." "Like what?" " Just, like, all this stuff." " Oh." "Wow." "I decorated it myself and I'm pretty proud of it." " You have flair, mister." "Yeah." " I guess so." " Is that you?" " That is, as a baby." " Cute little baby boy in his bath." " Ha, ha." " I was probably like 1 year or maybe older." " Yeah, that's nice." "Great." " Thanks for showing me your basement." " Thanks for coming by." " I'm coming over here if there's a tornado." " We can hang out." " See you back at the hospital." " Good to see you." " See you, Chet." " All right." "Enjoy your weekend." "I am not afraid of any ghost."