"( audience laughing )" "YOU SLAP ON A TIE, 'CAUSE WE'RE GOING OUT." "SINCE WHEN IS THERE A DRESS CODE AT JACK'S..." "AW, SH" "SINCE WHEN IS THERE A DRESS CODE AT J" "( speaks gibberish )" "A TIE?" "SINCE WHEN IS THERE A DRESS CODE" " AT JIMMY'S HAPPY..." " ( Roseanne laughs )" "AW, THIS SUCKS!" "KIDS, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME." "PLEASE DON'T EMBARRASS ME." "PLEASE." "OH, HONEY, THERE'S NO WAY... ( laughing )" "OH, HONEY, THERE'S JUST NO WAY..." "OKAY." "AHEM." "OKAY." "OH, HONEY..." "WHY, THERE'S NO WAY" "WAIT A MINUTE, MARK'S PANICKING." "( phone rings )" " I'LL GET IT." " Roseanne:" "OHH!" "ARE YOU OKAY?" "( indistinct )" "( audience cheering )" "DAD, WE NEED MONEY." "YEAH, GIVE US SOME" "( Roseanne laughing )" "HEY, LITTLE GIRL." "HI." "( snorting )" "Woman:" "I GUESS WE'LL START OVER." "MICHAEL." "HAND OVER THIS ROPE, PARDNER." "I NEED IT FOR YOUR DADDY." " CAN I TIE YOU UP?" " YEAH." "I ORDERED A PHOTOGRAPHER FOR SATURDAY AT 1:00, OKAY?" " MM-HMM." " ( chuckling )" "I SEE THE LITTLE TYKE'S TIED YOU UP HERE." "MOM, WILL YOU BUY ME SOME FINGER PAINTS?" "NO." "I HAVE TO PAINT A PICTURE OF THE FAMILY FOR SCHOOL." "CAN YOU PAINT US INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY" " SO WE DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK ANYMORE?" " SURE." " I'LL BUY 'EM FOR YA." " ALL RIGHT, REMBRANDT." "( audience laughing )" "NOBODY MOVE, NOBODY MOVE." "START AT "CAN YOU PAINT US INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY..."" "OKAY." "MICHAEL, AFTER HE SAYS "CAN YOU PAINT US WEALTHY" "SO WE DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK,"" "WAIT A SECOND AND THEN SAY, "SURE," OKAY?" " Michael:" "OKAY." " Man:" "ALL RIGHT, SO HERE WE GO." "FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO." "CAN YOU PAINT US INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY" "SO WE WON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK?" "SURE." "MOM, I'M 13." "HONEY, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG." "CINDY CLARK'S MOTHER LET HER BABYSIT WHEN SHE WAS NINE." "WELL, CINDY CLARK'S MOTHER IS A RICH ( bleep )." "OKAY." "DO YOU THINK IT'S A LOUSY, LOWDOWN, LOW-BRED THING..." "DO YOU THINK THAT IT'S A REAL LOUSY" "LOWDOWN, CREEPY, SLEAZEBAG THING TO..." "MOM, IF DARLENE HAS" "MOM, IF BECKY HAS A HEART ATTACK" " I'M IN CHARGE, RIGHT?" " Roseanne:" "RIGHT." " Man:" "WE'LL DO IT ONEMORETIME." " Woman:" "ONE MORE TIME." "Roseanne:" "NO, YOU'RE DARLENE." "I'VE HAD THAT LINE PROBLEM FROM THE BEGINNING." "Man:" "RIGHT, OKAY." "YOU SAID, "IF DARLENE HAS A HEART ATTACK"..." " I KNOW WHAT I DID." " OH, OH." "Roseanne:" "OKAY, LET'S GO, KIDS." "COME ON, MICHAEL." "COME ON, LET'S DO IT." "LET'S DO IT, LET'S DO IT." "SHE SAID IF SHE'S DARLENE..." "YEAH, WE ALL KNOW WHAT I SAID." "( audience laughs )" "Man:" "HERE WE GO." "STAND BY." "MICHAEL?" "COME ON, KIDS, LET'S DO IT." " ALL RIGHT, BUST YOUR NECKS." " Man:" "SO, DAN SAYS..." "COME ON." "Man:" "ROSEANNE, I'M GONNA START WITH DAN'S VOICE." "OKAY, HERE WE GO." "IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO." "MOM, IF BECKY HAS A HEART ATTACK" " I'M IN CHARGE, RIGHT?" " RIGHT." "MOM, IF DARLENE HAS A HEART ATTACK," " I'M IN CHARGE." " RIGHT, D.J." "IF BOTH OF YOUR SISTERS ARE DEAD, YOU'RE IN CHARGE." "YAY." "DON'T GIVE ME THAT." "THERE'S BOUND TO BE" "AN UNDISCOVERED MASTERPIECE IN HERE." "TRUST ME, THEY ALL SUCK MUD." "FACE IT, BABY, I'M A SMALL CON" "( speaks gibberish )" "Man:" "REWIND." "( makes rewinding noise )" "OKAY." "Man:" "COUNTING DOWN." "FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO." "TRUST ME, THEY ALL SUCK MUD." "FACE IT, I'M A BIG TIME" "AW, JEEZ." "YOU KNOW, SHE'S OVER HERE ALL THE TIME" "BECAUSE SHE'S MY SISTER." "AND HE DON'T MEAN NOTHING." "HE'S JUST BLOWING OFF STEAM." "YOU GUYS ARE WORSE THAN THE KIDS ALL PUT TOGETHER." "YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS." "I WISH YOU'D GET IT TOGETHER." "( bleeps )" "OH, SWEET JESUS." "Man:" "RIGHT, WE'LL GO BACK TO JACKIE'S ENTRANCE." "I SAW YOU GOING." " WHAT ABOUT ME?" " NO." "DO YOU WANT TO TASTE SOME CHILI?" " THAT'S NOT YOUR LINE." " WHAT'S MY LINE THEN?" "THE WHEEL FELL OFF." "I SCREWED IT UP." "( shouting )" "FIVE BUCKS A PIECE FOR THEM LITTLE BEGGARS." "THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY." "YEAH, BUT LOOK AT IT THIS WAY." "FIVE BUCKS, THEY'RE OUT OF OUR WAY ALL NIGHT LONG." "LET'S GIVE 'EM A HUNDRED EACH-  ( speaks gibberish ) - ( Roseanne cackles )" " A HUNDRED CHILDREN." " ( Roseanne whoops )" "THIS IS GONNA WORK OUT FINE, BABE." "WE'RE GONNA GET HOME JUST IN TIME TO SEE SNAKE MAN" "TAKE ON THE HUMAN CLAM." "THAT REMINDS ME OF OUR HONEYMOON." "WHERE DID YOU GO?" "I DON'T KNOW." "SORRY." "ALL RIGHT." "Man:" "FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO." "I'M SORRY, GO AHEAD." "I WON'T DO IT AGAIN." "Man:" "READY?" "FIVE" "OKAY." "OKAY, COME ON." "WE HAVE TO BE GOOD." "WE HAVE TO BE GOOD!" "OKAY." " Man:" "ALL THE WAY OVER HERE." " OKAY." "Man:" "FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO." "I CAN'T DO IT." "I CAN'T" "Roseanne:" "OKAY, OKAY." "Man:" "YOU GUYS, WE REALLY HAVE TO DO THIS." "OKAY." "YOU CAN'T TELL US NOT TO LAUGH." "THAT EVEN MAKES US WORSE." "TELL US TO LAUGH, TELL US TO LAUGH." "OKAY, NOW WE'RE NOT GOING TO LAUGH." "Man:" "ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO." "IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO." "ROSEANNE, YOU KEEP MAKING ME LAUGH." "OH, MY GOD." "MOM AND DAD ARE HERE." "YOU'RE DEAD." "THE SMELL." "HOW ARE YOU GONNA COVER UP THE SMELL?" " COME ON!" " Man:" "HOLD, HOLD RIGHT THERE." "BELIEVE ME, CHIP, THERE'S NOTHING I'D" "( speaks gibberish )" "THEM WOMEN AIN'T REAL." "THAT'S JUST A BUNCH OF JUNK THEY'RE SHOVING DOWN OUR THROATS" "SO WE GO BUY THAT PRODUCT." "UH..." "LOOK AT HER." ""THE GRUESOME TALE OF A VAMPIRE LOVE GONE AWRY," "IN TURN-OF-THE-CENTURY VIENNA." "PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED."" "GREAT." "YEAH, I'LL GIVE YOU THE BEST PARENTAL DIS" "Dan:" "THESE ARE JUST STARTING TO GET COMFORTABLE." "THEY'RE SHOT." "THEY'RE RUINED AND THEY'RE OLD," "AND THEY'RE JUST TOO-- ( bleep )" "YEAH, THEY SUCK, DON'T THEY?" "THESE-- (bleep) PIECES OF-- (bleep)." "THAT'S NOT THE LINE." " Dan:" "WHAT?" " YOU CAN'T SAY THAT, NO." "DID WE GET OFF SOMEWHERE?" "WAS IT MY FAULT?" "Man:" "IT SOUNDED RIGHT TO ME." "I'M SORRY." "ROSEANNE..." "THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA BLOW AN ENTIRE SATURDAY" "BY SITTING IN SOME SHOE STORE WAITING FOR A SALESMAN... ( blows raspberry )" "NO, I JUST WANT TO SHOOT MYSELF." "BUT I WILL GO FROM THAT SPEECH." "HI." "I'LL COUNT DOWN." "I'LL COUNT DOWN." "I AIN'T BUYING SHOES." "THAT'S IT." "END OF DISCUSSION." "AND GET A COUPLE OF PAIR OF EIGHT... ( both shout )" "BRAVO!" "BRAVO!" "GREAT." "OH, YEAH!"