" See it, Ed?" " Titlist Three, right?" "As opposed to all the other duffers' golf balls." "A person doesn't need a 9 iron here, they need a machete." "A plow." "I don't have one of those." "I could maybe come up with a rake." "You ever seen a real golf course, Ed?" " Nope." " The Westchester C.C. is perfect." "Every blade of grass looks like it had a personal haircut." "Head down, follow through." "Hey, that's not bad, considering the lie." "Good for you, Dr. Fleischman." "You know who's teeing off at Westchester right now?" "Andy Olstein." "The guy squeaked through cardio residency." "He's with a pulmonary thief in Long Island, making 200 grand a year." "I don't have a clue what to do here." "Give me a wedge." " Ed?" "The wedge." " Sorry, Dr. Fleischman." "What are you staring at?" "Ootockalockatuvik." "She doesn't look quite right." " Come again?" " Ootockalockatuvik." "Well, Vicky for short." " Ootockalocka what?" " It's the tree." "Old Vicky." "You're saying this tree has a name?" "And its name is Vicky?" " Yep, she just doesn't look right." " And why is that?" "Well, look at that knot right there that's oozing goo." "And the branches, too." "They look kind of tired." "And look right here at the leaves." "They shouldn't be all dry and cracked and crunchy around the edges like that." " Yeah, right." "Because it's Springtime." " Exactly." "I think she's really sick." "Calm down, Ed." "Her name might be Vicky, but it's a tree." "This is Old Vicky." "She's been around forever." "Long before Uncle Anku." "Way before One-who-waits." "Way before anybody, really." "Lucky to have longevity in her genes." "God, I don't think it's possible to get good lie out here." "All these animal holes and frost cracks." "Damn it!" "Ed!" "Ed!" "Hey, Ed!" "Ed, we got four holes left." "Ed!" "Hello!" "NORTHERN EXPOSURE 4x25 "OLD TREE" Subtitles subXpacio" " Hey, Chris." "Got a package for you." " A package for me?" "No way!" "No way!" " What is it?" " What is it?" "It's spontaneity." " It's mobility." "It's freedom." "It's..." " It's a headset." "It's beautiful, isn't it?" "Sitting in that booth every day, I started feeling like Prometheus, chained to a rock, eagle pecking at my liver." "Stuck." "Glued." "Did that confinement box my thoughts?" "You bet it did." "And now I'm free to roam." "Everybody!" "Stevens unbound!" " Here, would you sign here, please?" " You betcha." " Maggie, breakfast?" " Hey, Holling." "Look, I brought Hibiscus for Shelly's morning sickness." "Well, thank you." "But I'm not sure she needs it now." "She woke up this morning happy as a Jay." "Warbling like a Red-breasted Nuthatch." " Warbling?" " Yeah, singing?" "Singing every word out of her mouth." " No..." " No kidding...?" "I woke up this morning, without any warning, a song was there in my bod." " Morning, Shell." " I started to sing about everything." " Bacon, toast and fried cod." " Order up." "Now that I've found it," "I've just got to sound it." "Gotta sing, gotta sing, gotta sing, gotta sing!" " Oh, yeah!" " Thank you." "I always dreamed that I'd find my stud." "He wouldn't be ditzy, a creep or a crud." "I'd be steady, hot, juicy, with a bod that won't quit." "Give the dude what he wanted, and plenty of it." "I been heading this way all of my life." "To be the stud-of-all-stud's stand-up wife." "Order up!" "A chick in the trailer in Saskatoon." "I partied with Tammy and prayed to the moon." "To win Northwest passage and never go back." "For my bod and my talent, to be picked from the pack." "I been heading this way all of my life." "To be the stud-of-all-stud's stand-up wife." "Shelly." "To be the stud-of-all-stud's knocked-up wife." "I break for loving on the highway of life." "That's how I got to be me." "A ring, a husband, and a bun in the oven." "What more's a chick gotta be?" "Saw the Big H, it was love at first sight." "So I checked out his buns and man, were they tight." "I walked up and told him, I'm Shelly Marie." "I found you at last, my true destiny." "I been heading this way all of my life." "To be the stud-of-all-stud's stand-up wife." "To be the stud-of-all-stud's knocked-up wife." " Hello, Ruth-Anne." "Gents." " Maurice." "Give me a couple rolls of fax paper." " All right." " My broker's all hot on some grazing land outside of Flagstaff." " What you got there, Ed?" "A leaf?" " One of Old Vicky's." "Ed and Dr. Fleischman were golfing on your back pasture and these leaves were all over the ground." " Is that a fact?" " Had a big sore on her trunk." " And her limbs were all droopy." " No kidding." "Let me see that." "She doesn't look good, Maurice." "Not good at all." "Well, well." "Don't go calling the toothpick factory yet," " Did I say anything?" " You didn't have to." "We all have our life spans, and that old tree has outlived hers thrice over." "No thanks to you." " Gents." " Bye, Maurice." "Hey." "Are those blood samples ready?" "I got a couple of petro-geologists to pick up in Wrangell." " Why don't you just grab a seat?" " All right." "I know I said they'd be ready by two." "I got backed up this morning." "No problem." " What?" " What?" "All right." "Fine." "I was playing golf this morning, all right?" " Fine." " I don't see what the big deal is." "It's 2:15." "Will they have a conniption for five minutes?" " I didn't say anything." " Well, obviously you're thinking it." " No, I wasn't." " If I didn't have golf up here, they'd be sending me to Bellevue in a straight jacket." " God." "You're such a jerk." " I'm a jerk?" " Yes, you're a Jerk with a capital J." " Let me tell you something." "You don't have a clue who I am." "You think this is me?" "This isn't me." "I wouldn't be here." "I'd be back in New York where I belong." "Doing things I want to do with people I want to be doing them with." "I wouldn't be in this stupid, backwater with this stupid practice." "What's going on?" "In this stupid, ill-equipped office!" "Now, that was stupid." "I think I broke something." "That was a stupid, jerky thing to do, Fleischman, but totally predictable." "All right, everybody!" "Behinds to seats back there." "Now, let's get this blanket stitched." "This meeting has been called by the Cicely steering committee." "Re: the old cottonwood out on my back pasture." "Now, granted, if you live in a place 300 odd years, you'll make some friends." "But that's not the point here." "The point is that, that tree is on its last legs." "I say, the tree is a menace and she's got to come down." "Not so fast, Minnifield." "Now, that cottonwood is a state historic landmark." "Historic landmark?" "You just made that up out of spite." "Nice try." "We all know why he wants that old tree out of the way." "So he can put up some corrugated eyesore to store his tractors in." "You can't even see that tree." "It's a half mile away." "I don't care how far away it is." "I can see it fine from the roof of my barn." "I bet you poisoned Old Vicky, and that's the reason she's sick." "Why, you little six-toed ferret." "Maurice, Ivory, hold your water." "We don't even know if Ootockalockatuvik is dying." "That's a good point, Ruth-Anne." "We ought to get a professional before we put ax to wood." "All right." "If that's what it'll take to get you sentimental Sallies off the dime, fine." "We'll get a professional man." "Fleischman?" " What?" " Have a look-see at that tree." " Why me?" " Because you're the town doctor." "I'm the doctor." "I don't know anything about trees." "Well, let us decide that." "We paid for your education." "Let us use it the way we see fit." " Yeah, but, Maurice..." " My house. 0900." "Be there." "Town dismissed." "K" " Bear bulletin board," "Vicky Support Group meets Thursday noon in Cheryl Cornwall's parlor." "Cappuccinos and ginger snaps, reminiscence and reflections." "Bring photos because Cheryl's working on a scrapbook." "There goes my good buddy J.C. Cole." "What is it about genus arboretum that socks us in the solar plexus?" "We see a truck go down the road stacked with those fresh-cut giants, we feel like we've lost a brother." "Next thing we're in the Brick, we flop money on the bar." "Wood." "We're under the roof." "Wood." "We're walking on the floor." "Wood." "Grabbing a pool cue." "That's wood." "Our friends in the forest carry a set of luggage from the mythical baggage carousel." "Tree of Life." "Tree of Knowledge." "Family Tree." "Buddha's Bodhi Tree." "Page one of life." "In the beginning." "Genesis 3:22." "Adam and Eve are kicking back in the Garden of Eden and..." "Boom!" "They get an eviction notice." "But why is that?" ""Lest they should take also of the Tree of Life, eat, and live forever. "" "A definitive Yahweh no-no." "Be good to yourselves, Cicely." "Go and plant a wet one on a tree." "Hey, Dr. Fleischman." " Well, there's your patient." " Look, let's get one thing straight." "Under no stretch of the imagination is this a patient." "We're dealing with a tree here." "Let's just be clear." " We're aware of that, Joel." " Look, it's just a formality." "A blind man could see this tree won't make it." "Zip it, Minnifield." "That's for the kid to decide." "Yes, Joel." "What do you think?" "Is Old Vicky going to make it?" "You really want to know what I think?" "All right, fine." "I'll tell you what I think." "See something, Doc?" "I'm not sure, but right here on the epidermal layer..." "Bark, I mean." "There's a rather large keloid, which is exuberance of scar tissue." "And by its size, indicating a fairly serious laceration or injury." " Lightning." "Summer of '82." " Does anyone know about this cavity?" " Is it congenital or acquired?" " It's always been there, Joel." "Is Ootockalockatuvik dying, Joel?" "I really can't be sure." "Come on, Fleischman, get off the fence." "What's the verdict?" "Is Vicky firewood or not?" "The thing is, I can't make a prognosis here." " Well, why the hell not?" " I don't know anything about trees." "I'm an internist, not a horticulturist." "I'm sorry, it's not my specialty." "It's not my fault." "I don't know anything about trees." "So, Fleischman throws this doozy of a tantrum." "He says he's a jerk because he's in Alaska." "He'd be the same stupid jerk on Park Avenue." "So, you acted nice and normal to Dr. F., and he acted like a jerk." "And you think if you're nice, then he should be nice," " Maggie, I don't think it'll work." " No?" "Why not?" "Like the lady with the snake, he's just like he is and that's how it's going to be." "On her way to work one morning, down the path alongside the lake, a tender-hearted woman saw a poor half-frozen snake." "His pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew." ""Poor thing, " she cried," ""I'll take you in and I'll take care of you. "" ""Take me in, tender woman." "Take me in for heaven's sake." "Take me in, tender woman, "" "sighed the snake." "What happened after that?" "She wrapped him up all cozy, in a comforter of silk, and laid him by her fireside with honey and some milk." "She hurried home from work that night, and as soon as she arrived." "She found that pretty snake she'd taken in had been revived!" ""Take me in, tender woman." "Take me in for heaven's sake." "Take me in, tender woman, " sighed the snake." "She clutched him to her bosom." ""You're so beautiful, " she cried." ""But if I hadn't brought you in, by now you might have died. "" "She stroked his pretty skin again, and kissed and held him tight." "Instead of saying thanks, the snake gave her a vicious bite." "Take me in, tender woman, " sighed the snake." ""I saved you, " cried the woman," ""and you've bitten me." "But why?" "You know your bite is poisonous and now I'm going to die. "" ""Shut up, you silly woman, "" "said the reptile with a grin." ""You knew damn well I was a snake, before you took me in. "" ""Take me in, tender woman." "Take me in for heaven's sake." "Take me in, tender woman, "" "sighed the snake." " Hey." "Got a minute?" " No, I don't." "Would you like help with that?" " I'm doing just fine without you." " Okay." "Good." "Good!" "Yeah?" "You remember when I was in your office yesterday..." " ...and you had a little snit?" " Please." "Leave it alone, all right?" "I have a fractured foot." "Is that not enough for you?" "What I'm trying to say is, I realize what the problem is, and it's not you." "It's me." "I realize that I had these unrealistic expectations of you." "And you're not doing anything." "You're just being you." " I really appreciate the sentiment." " See, now you're being sarcastic." "But that's okay." "That's all right." "Because that's you." "That's who you are." "I don't have to take it personally, and I don't have to be different than who I am." " You want something for that?" " I'll take care of it." "Thanks." "Because, see, I am who I am." "I'm just a nice, everyday person." "And I don't know how, but I've got into some very unhealthy patterns." "It's not your fault, I don't have to react to every little thing." "I don't have to get defensive." "I don't have to get angry." "What are you talking about?" "I'm me and you're you." "And even if you're not nice, I am." "Where do you get off, coming into my house, making these pronouncements about who's nice and who's not?" "I'm perfectly nice." "I am kind." "I help people." "People who need me." "I'm perfectly nice." "I'm an educated man." "I am intelligent, I am funny." "So, don't come in here and tell me who's nice and who isn't." ""Attach stabilizer bar J to crib ends N and J using four machine screws. "" " Here they are." " Thank you, Walt." " Pretty voice." " Yeah." "Hey, read me what comes next on there, will you?" ""Attach 8 track with the slotted holes to bottom of the crib ends. "" "You guys got the munchies, I'll bring you a snack." " No thanks, Shell." " I'm not hungry, but if you take requests, I'd like to hear Tangerine." "Tangerine." "You're lucky you get to hear this all the time." "I'll tell you the truth." "Anyone can get too much of a good thing." "Shelly never stops." "She opens her mouth, out comes a song." "I can't even have a simple conversation with her." "Pass the salt." "What's on the grill?" "Looks like rain..." "Everything becomes a regular opera." " Did you ask her to stop?" " I did." "It was as useless as asking a parakeet to stop chirping." "She can't help herself." "She just sings whether she wants to or not." " Can I confide in you, Walt?" " Sure." "I know that Shelly's only been warbling like this for a few days." "I know it's selfish of me, but I'm craving a simple turn of phrase." "A sentence without a melody." "Someone I can talk with." "If Shelly keeps on like this, I don't know what I'll do!" "My heart belongs to Tangerine." "Yes she has them all on the run." ""The trees indeed have hearts with a certain affection." "The sun seems to send its farewell ray far over the hills to them and they silently receive it with gratitude like a group of settlers with children." "The pines impress me as human." "A slight vaporous cloud floats high over them while in the west the sun goes down pace behind glowing pines and golden clouds like mountains hurt the horizon. "" "Nobody could turn a phrase like Thoreau." "More from him in a minute." "Hey, "jefe", what's up?" " Got a proposition for you, Stevens." " Yeah?" "I know how much you make with that mike, figured you could use more." "No lie." "End of the month, I'm scrounging for quarters in the sofa." "After Fleischman signs off on old Vicky," "I'll need somebody to take her down." "Thought you might like the job." "That's a pretty big job." "You might want to get some pros on that." "Well, you weren't the first one I thought of to wield the chain-saw, but all the regular lumber crews are busy and I won't be able to get anybody..." " ...for at least a few days or a week." " A week?" "A week doesn't sound long." "You don't know how emotionally attached the people are to Old Vicky." "Like when Granny dies, you lay her out in the parlor for some days, but you have to put her in the earth." "Let people get on with their lives." " Out of sight, out of mind." " Yeah, something like that." "Well, I like power tools." "You know that." "All that harnessed violence just throbbing in my hands." "Not to mention the wanton vandalism." "Reducing to sawdust in a few minutes what took 100 years to create." "Yeah." "Artistically, we're talking about some heavy-duty deconstruction." "The absence of form in a reality plane." "All right, well, we got a deal, then." "I'll pay you two dollars a board foot." " You bring your own hardhat." " No, we don't have a deal." " What do you mean?" " Intellectually, it would be a gas." "But, I read Heidegger in the shade of that tree." " Heidegger?" " "Being and Time", his masterpiece." "Authentic existence, unauthentic existence." "So, you won't do it, huh?" "I wouldn't feel right cutting Old Vicky down." "But I do appreciate your offer." " More tree books." " Which ones?" ""Control of White Pine Nematodes"" "and "Pathological Anatomy of Leaf Spots"." "What about "The Fungal Disease Guide for Deciduous Trees"?" " I asked for "The Fungal Disease Guide"." " It's on loan." "This is absolutely ridiculous." "I'll tell you something, botany aside." "This is crazy." "I'm a physician." "I have a sworn duty to heal." "And now they're asking me to sign the death sentence on Old Vicky here." "Once she's whittled down to firewood, you'll be able to sleep at night." "You won't sit here wondering is there just a chance, a sliver of hope that this tree might pull through." "If only we'd wait and do whatever you do to trees." "You prune or spray or soil amendments." "What?" " Your hand hurt?" " Yes, my hand hurts." "It hurts more than my foot which I didn't think was possible." "Hello, Dr. Fleischman?" "Sorry to be a butt-in-ski, but I need to see you." "All right." "Marilyn, there's a gastroenterologist named Lipkis." "His brother has a tree group in L.A." "It's Tree People." "Why don't you give them a call?" "see if I can get "The Fungal Disease Guide for Deciduous Trees"." "All right?" "L.A., Tree People." "Just let me have that paper-towel dress," "I'll get changed in a jiffy, a minute or less." "Well, Shelly, I don't think you need a gown." "What I need is a throat culture, so just have a seat." "Throat culture?" "You'll look in my mouth?" "Hey, I gotta tell you, the baby, she's much further south." "That's why I'm here." "For my prenatal check-up." "My feet in the stirrups, my pee in a cup." "You're not here because of this singing thing?" "I figure it's like hiccoughs or gas what they say, this too will pass." "Actually, I'm not sure it will pass, Shelly." "I've never seen or heard anything quite like this." "I don't like the look on your face." "It's bumming me out." "I thought I was just happy, but I don't know, you're making me feel like a major weirdo." "Look, let's not get too worried." "I'll do the prenatal, then we'll get the throat culture a little later." "Okay?" "Is that all right?" "But there's a gown in that cabinet." "I'll go outside and let you change." "Okay, Chris." "Three, two, one, go." "Cicely, this is Chris on K-Bear continuing the Arbor theme program live and on the scene from Old Vicky herself." "Let's keep on trucking with the resident of Walden Pond, this selection from The Mainwoods." "I've been into the lumberyard and the carpenter shop, the tannery, and the lamp factory, and the turpentine clearing, but when I left I saw the tops of the pines waving and reflecting the light of the distance high over..." "Ed, that's Thoreau." "Why did you turn it off?" " Ed?" " Yeah, Ruth-Anne?" " Are you all right?" " I did a terrible thing, Ruth-Anne." "Have you ever seen that movie, "I Confess"?" " No, I don't believe I have." " Montgomery Cliff plays this priest and late on evening a parish employee stops by to confess he's murdered a man." "Ed, what does any of that have to do with you?" "Well, see, it's like this." "About two years ago I was lying beneath Ootockalockatuvik with my girlfriend at the time, Light feather." "And I wanted to show her how much I loved her, so..." " Well, I..." " You what?" "I carved our initials into her trunk, put a heart around them." "And now, she's dying." "Ed, whenever someone dies, it makes you think of the things you wish you'd done." "And the things you wish you hadn't." "I remember, a few years ago, my niece's kids were up visiting." "We were out berry picking." "I turned my back, and they ran off." "I found them 30 feet up Ootockalockatuvik, sitting on a branch, swinging their legs, happy as clams." "Yeah?" "I made them come down afraid they'd fall and break their necks." " And afterward, I felt bad." " Because you yelled at them." "No." "Because of what I'd done to Vicky." "Trees like to have kids climb on them." "Right." "But I'm pretty sure Vicky forgave me." "After all, she is a tree, and trees are much bigger than we are." "And much, much more forgiving." "Hey, Fleischman!" " Hi." "I got some surgical brushes." " I didn't order any surgical brushes." "I know." "But, see, I was in Anchorage, and I walked by this medical supply store they were having a sale, I thought you could use some." "All right, please, O'Connell, just stay right there." " Why?" " Why?" "Keep your niceness to yourself." " What's the matter with you?" " What's the matter with me?" "Every time you're nice to me, I seem to end up more damaged," " Fleischman, don't be ridiculous." " O'Connell, I'm not kidding." "You are behaving like a genuine paranoid." "You call this paranoid?" "It this a figment of my imagination?" "Am I hallucinating this cast?" " You can not blame me for that." " Yes, I can." "I'd be perfectly fine if you hadn't unnerved me with all your good will." "Now, I won't have any more of it." " Fine." "What am I to do with these?" " I don't know, but..." "All right, gentlemen." "Let's take her down." "Hold it, Minnifield." "We haven't heard from doc yet." "He had till 12." "It's a quarter past." "I say time's up." "You won't lay a finger on that tree until we get Fleischman's report." "You've been a thorn in my side for years, Springer." "Yeah, Minnifield?" "What will you do about it?" " You know what I think?" " Hey, hold on, guys." " Where's Fleischman?" " He's had a bad fall." " Well, what about Vicky?" " He's entrusting me with his report." " Well, you want to read it to us?" " Yeah." "It says here..." ""After consulting with arborists from the Tree People organization, it is my opinion that the Black Cottonwood, known as Old Vicky, has developed an infectious process of a fungal etiology." "Although leaf desiccation and decline in vigor could be symptomatic of several agents, the mycelia appressed to the sapwood are a clear indication of Armillaria mellea," "commonly known as Shoestring Rot."" " What the hell does that mean?" " Let the man finish, Springer." ""Shoestring Rot is a fatal illness which is not responsive to treatment." "Research shows the rate of degeneration is swift." "Pressed to give a prognosis, I would say, given the advanced state of the disease, that the patient has only a few months to live."" " Amen." " Let me see that!" "Read all you want to." "It won't change a thing." "All right, men." "Let them rip!" "May, 1988." "I was picking wild flowers for the spring pow-wow." "All of a sudden it got cloudy." "It started to hail." "Hail stones as big as baseballs." "Luckily I was near Old Vicky." "I got under her branches." "She kept me safe." "If it hadn't been for Ootockalockatuvik," "I could have gotten a concussion or worse." " To Vicky." " To Vicky." "How are you?" "Look, I've been doing some research into your condition." "What I need to know is, was there any prior indication anything was up with your speech." "Or did it occur spontaneously?" "It's important." " Shelly?" "What's going on?" " I'm not sure, Joel." "She was so happy, chirping away like a robin in May." "Then she went for her pre-baby exam, now she won't open her mouth." "Won't sing a word." "I didn't mean to scare her." "Look I got some good news here." "I've found some precedents for her singing, believe it or not." "Yeah, listen to this." ""Santiago, Chile." "A 14-year-old girl walks into a music store, picks up a violin, plays the Bach Chaconne in D-minor." "This is a girl who has no musical instruction whatsoever." "But, Joel, how can that be?" "No one knows." "But the point is, there's been a few similar cases of this spontaneous, prodigious ability in healthy people." "Her singing may not necessarily be symptomatic of a particular illness." " That certainly is a great relief." " Yeah, well, I should think." "But, tell me." "This girl from Chile." "Did she ever stop playing the violin?" " Stop playing?" " Did she go back to the way she was?" "I don't know." "There was no mention of what happened after." "This isn't over yet, Minnifield." "I've been talking to my lawyer in Talkeetna." "He says tree or no tree, you still do not have free reign to build a structure that will negatively impact on me." "He's filing for an injunction!" "You hear what I'm saying?" "You're never going to build that storehouse!" " Doesn't matter." " What?" "What did you say?" "I said it doesn't matter." "I don't care about the storehouse." "What do you mean, you don't care about the storehouse?" "You've been crazy to build that thing for the past 15 years!" "What the hell are you trying to pull?" "See this?" "This is the scene of my greatest triumph." "I should be jubilant." "I should be grinding Old Vicky's leaves and feeding her limbs into a wood stove." "But you know what I'm feeling now?" "I don't feel anything." "You're just trying to throw me off balance." "It won't work." "I'm still getting that injunction." "I should really feel happy just because I skunked you." "But, I just feel sort of empty." "To tell you the truth," "I sort of miss the sight of her." "My little bunny-face, my teenie-beanie cuddly thing," "I got big bummer news, your mama can't talk, your mama can only sing." "No faking, no fooling, she flaps her lips and out comes crooning." "Baby learns to use a spoon." "Mama only sings a tune." "Baby counts from one to three," "Mom makes a melody." "Baby falls and bangs a knee," "Sorry, here's a rhapsody." "How can you love a mom who can't gab or chatter?" "No yak or yabber, chew the fat, jaw and jammer?" "Can you love a mom who dewlaps and scats, she warbles, yodels, spits scales." "She bops and raps." "My little bunny-face, my teenie-beanie cuddly thing," "I got big bummer news, your mama can't talk, your mama can only sing." "No faking, no fooling, she flaps her lips and out comes crooning." "Shelly, honey dry your eyes." "Worry none, we'll harmonize." "In my opinion, talk comes cheap." "Who needs to make a speech?" "The truth is, my lovely bride, sing or talk, I'm by your side." "My little bunny-face, my teenie-beanie cuddly thing," "don't you feel lonely, don't you feel blue, 'cause I'll be singing with you." "No faking, no fooling." "I'll be singing with you." "It's open!" " Hey, Fleischman." " Hey." "What a surprise." "How's the neck?" "Look, if you don't mind, I'd rather dispense with the pleasantries, okay?" "Well, all right." "Do you want to sit down?" " No, I won't stay that long." " Well, suit yourself." "Look, ever since we've known each other you've related to me in a very consistent manner." "You insult me, and you hit me, and you crashed me in your airplane." "It doesn't sound pleasant, but I can handle that." "I'm actually comfortable with that." "And I guess what I'm here to do is to ask you, or to plead with you, if necessary, to just stop being so nice to me." "It's a small town, and I can't avoid you." "And up till now, thank God, none of these injuries have been permanently disabling." "But if this niceness continues, I think anything could happen." "Okay." "I can try to modify my behavior, but, I'd like something in return." "All right." "Well, name it." "You have to stop being such a jerk." " Could you be a bit more specific?" " Well, all right." "The petulance, arrogance, whining, spite, sarcasm, the incessant, petty meanness, that sort of thing." "Arrogance and petty meanness?" "O'Connell, look." "If I resort to sarcasm, it's only because..." "Because, because..." "Why do you always have to explain everything?" "Does there always have to be a "because"?" " But, O'Connell, I'm just..." " No buts." "No ifs." "No explanations, no negotiations." "These are the terms." " Fine." "I will definitely try." " Okay." "Hey, get lost." "I'm hungry." "Okay." "Could've saved yourself a lot of dough and sweat just putting in one of those two-gallon saplings." "In a hundred years nobody would know the difference." "The hell with posterity." "I'm doing this for me." "When Old Vicky came down, I couldn't stand the empty sky." "I needed something to fill it." "If you'll bring me that bucket over there, will you?" " What is this stuff?" " Vitamin B1, prevents root shock." "There, that ought to do it." "Ripped by subXpacio and TusSeries"