"Season 1" " Episode 2" " Aftermath" "I just really resent picking up after them." "Not the kids." "The alters." "The messes they make can be astounding." "I mean having multiple personalities is like ... hosting a kegger in your brain." "Only you are passed out cold while everyone else is just trashing with joy." "This family meeting is called to order." "I'd like to call them summits." "It sounds more global, almost Swiss." "OK." "So ..." "Friday afternoon, I believe T was in here, right?" "That was definitely T time." "In which case we need to talk about some mysterious charges on my credit card." "What?" "Or, I could look up the statement and see where T and her "friends" spent my money on." "OK, I so I got some skunk shirts at that dead mall in Greenview but I didn't take off the tags so I'll return them, OK?" "And also bought some Fake products ..." "And some cigarretes, which I did not smoke because T gets Menthols and I think it does make her lungs bleed and I also think they're racist." "I need my own money." "OK, so then I came back, and I was..." "Buck..." " And then I kicked some ass..." " Oh yeah." "Well, technically, Buck kicked some ass." " Great." " I helped." "High five." "OK, that's really good, we can discuss this as a family." "Doesn't have to be weird." "It's weird." "So I can't believe you guys went Bowling without me." "We only went there because Buck has a thing for that Hillbilly waitress, at the snack bar." "He wanted our stuff ....." "as the arcade game." "Then she licked his face." "Look, we knew when you're off the meds the whole gang will resurface." "Yeah, multiple personality reunion tour." "Like them, man, we always knew that stage would come back." "Anyway, I can't, we can't, begin to understand why you need them," " Unless we let them show themselves." " You are right." "Look at your poor eye," "This is not a purple anymore, it's kind of a funky, seventies, yellow now..." " That hurt!" " Sorry." "You are laughing." " What's this?" " Pandora's Box." "G. W. Pabst, 1929." "It's a masterpiece." "I could screen it in the living room this weekend.." "Sounds great." "We could subject the whole family." "Louise Brooks is about to be murdered." "Her sexual indiscretions will not go unpunished." "Honey?" "Is there anything you wanna tell me?" "Did he call?" "Did who called me?" " He didn't?" " Who?" "I've been having some differences of opinion with my english teacher." "All right, so can anyone tell me the significance of Ethan's walking stick in this chapter?" "Yeah." "Madison." "I think that Ethan needs something to lean on." "That's one way to look at it, yeah." "Actually, it's playing the erotic." "The walking stick represents Ethan's erection." "That's inappropriate, Marshall." "Excuse me, Mr. Gershenoff," "I am not an expert or anything, but I think I know my literary boners." "Won't you want me to talk to him?" "I'd be more than happy to..." "No, I can handle it." "The last thing you need is to worry about my stupid school stuff." "Fuck me!" "God damn it." "Piece of shit." " Nice." " Fuck!" "Mom, this boot has come from hell." "Just came from the bottom of hell to make my life miserable." "Thank you." "Hey, so, I was thinking about how you took care of stuff, with that prescription, when I wasn't around." "And that I'm very proud of you." "For what?" "Like why I didn't use a condom or something?" "Actually I think I know why people don't always use condoms." "Sex can be bizarre, when you first start doing it..." "I mean..." "Naked people, weird body parts." "It's awkward as hell." "And nobody knows how to act." "I just want you to know I've been there and we can talk." "OK." "Thanks." "It's just there's a lot of misinformation floating around, you know." "For instance, anal sex is sex." "See?" "I just said anal sex, I am pretty cool!" "What?" "It's nothing, Mom." "It's just some times you make me feel like I'm living in some sort of life-time lady tampon movie." "What is a life-time lady tampon movie?" "Forget it, Max, the conversation is over." "Dad, I hate it when she just swoops in here and acts like we can just talk about anything." "Well." "She's your mother, and she cares, so you gotta love her." "You have to maybe, you married her." "You chose that." "But for me, it's just drama and weirdness." "Bye." "One day, she'll grow up and be a person, I promise." "She'll grow up, she'll have kids of her own and be your adult daughter, not this evil, fucking Bratz doll." "I was hoping that..." "Hey, there's not a kid in the world who wants talking with her mother about sex." "She is fine." "From your lips." "And tomorrow, I'm gonna talk with Marshall's teacher" "We're gonna straighten that out as well." " What?" "I thought he didn't want us to..." " Uh..." "Mom..." "You see... the thing is..." "Mr. Gershenoff is kind of a bear... and... people are still talking ..." "Hey, we just thought a man to man thing might be the right to play this guy." " But ... yeah ... yeah..." " Yeah, I mean if you want to go..." "No, no, you guys are absolutely right." "That's exactly what I would have played." "Why do you care if Marshall doesn't want you to talk to his teachers?" "They don't even want me around when I'm me." "Please, it's all you." "Plus...he wet the bed." "How so?" "Peed in the bed?" "Like baby gu-gu-ga-ga?" "Or wet the bed?" "He urinated in bed, Charmaine." "He used to do it all the time when he was a kid, but not since he was 11." "Kate ..." "Who she is becoming?" "Maybe the kids are responding to trauma." "What trauma?" "You know, your schizophrenia." "Situation." "OK, let me explain." "Again." "Schizophrenia is when you hear voices, like the radio people." "I don't have that, I don't hear voices." "Right, you do the whole characters." "I'm gonna get something for Kate." "Maybe I should get her one of those." "She can wear it while having unprotected sex." " Spice things up a bit." " Yeah." " You know what you need?" " Better not be vitamins." "These are not just vitamins." "It is something I believe." "Or not be love with him." "This is vita-self mood-booster remix." "Just a little drink you do once in the morning, twice in the evening, like a water flush." "Sounds great." "I just rather not ..." "flush." "Sorry." "Buy some and help me out a little." "I bet you want." "Let's go to Macaw island this weekend." "You serious?" "Come on, man, the Beach Boys that play there aren't actually the Beach Boys." "When I want to witness someone's decline, I just have to look at my own life." "Thank you." "It's been too long since we got some intense manly stuff, you know." "All we do now is shubble dirt and nurse trees and shit." "We are landscapers, asshole." "Yes, we scape the land, but, I mean, we can't let that define us." "We used to work the land in our twenties, but man, we did it drunk!" "Go to Macaw island, spend some money, get some good old drinks." "Maybe." "That sounds good, actually." "You're doing work here or what?" "I'm mesmerized by your ass." "This not." "This will be good." " Hey, Tara." " Hey." "Hi" "Wow." "So you're having a walk." "How are you?" "Good." "How are you guys?" "I've been thinking about you." "Oh my god, I completely forgot." "I was gonna make a cake for the bake sale." "I'm sorry." "For the cleft palate kids in Brazil." "No, not that." "I didn't even really count on it." "I mean, you just have so much on your plate, with that brew-ha-ha with Kate's boyfriend." "He's not her boyfriend." "Hook-up, whatever." "OK, that Benjamin is an abusive little shit who disrespects young ladies while wearing highlighter." "It is good to see you, Tara." "Get some rest, Tara." "Tara, you just stand there and take it." "I know, I ..." " I'm not feeling..." " Okay!" "Tara?" "What a marvellous shade!" "Oh, fuck!" "Don't let Gershenoff intimidate you." "I mean, the man has a BA from a state school." " I guess..." " Besides, what can he do?" "Run crying to principle Frankel just 'cause you pointed out some sex in a novel?" "Ugh, I can't stand these conservatives bed-wetters." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "I appreciate your concern, Petula." "You know how much I care." "Yeah." "I gotta hit that parent-teacher conference, so keep an eye on things while I'm gone, OK?" "Hey, what if one of those guys ask me a question?" "I don't speak Spanish." "What if the owners come home?" "What if I start doing a bunch of extra work that isn't in your bid?" "You're gonna do a bunch of extra work?" "Hey, you know what, I'm looking out for you, okay?" "I think it's unfair you gotta do all the work here." "Can Tara do some of it?" "Later!" "You are so codependent!" "Is called love, brother." "Called love, yeah!" "It is not bad." "Say we all, Maxwell." "Thank Jesus too, man." "I'm always late, usually stoned." "Hello Laurie, Bet." "I'm Alice." "Right..." "Alice." "I brought my cake, for the Brazilian kids." "Wow, that is... elaborate." "I'm sure you'll figure out where to put it." "You can move whatever that is." "So long.." "Is that...?" "Well, I'm sorry if Marshall feels that way it's certainly not personal on my end." "There's a curriculum that I have to follow." "We are not in Vermont." "Tell me about it." "Yeah." "I understand that you ... have an odd family situation, Mr. Gregson." "But in my classroom, that makes Marshall neither more interesting nor more superior." "Although he seems to think it does." "Well, we are just gonna have to agree to disagree, because, to me, that sounds pretty fucking personal." "Knock-knock." "Room for one more?" "I'm OK." "I got this covered." "it won't be more than a minute." "I came by to drop off some treats for the bake sale, and figured out while I was here I'd popped in and make my boy's teacher." "Mr. Gershenoff, it is such a pleasure." "Thank you." "We are so very worried about our Marshall." "Should we be concerned?" "Well, it's Marshall unique challenge." " And what about your challenges?" " I'm sorry?" "Oh, Mr. Gershenoff, I feel so formal." "May I call you by your first name?" "What is your first name?" "Orel." "Mr. Gershenoff, we all know what this is really about." "Being different." "And you, out of anyone, must understand." "Poor little Orel Gershenoff, sitting in the back of the class, with his funny hair, and his funny name." "Day-dreaming about sports he'd never play and girls he'd never touch." "You know, pandering to the football captains and prom queens of today will not take away the pain of yesterday." "They can't appreciate you now anymore than they did back then." "And taking it out on the weird kid will not help that little kid in there." "It's time to start loving Orel." "I never meant to single Marshall out." "I designed some extra credit so if he completes it, he can keep his grade average." "Such a pleasure to meet you, Orel." "Have a wonderful day." "Oh my God, you saved my life." " That thing." " It was amazing." "No you did, Alice." "It was a tour de force." "Oh, the French language is so expressive, don't you think, Kate?" " Can I have one more...?" " No." "When someone asks you a question, is customary to lift your gaze to meet theirs and responding kind." "When is mom coming back?" "Tara is not ready to manage this family at the moment" "Now we've all come to a consensus and I think you need me right now." "That's enough with your gadget." "You can communicate with your boyfriend later." " Just one glass?" " No." "Oh, for goodness." "Alice, I don't have a boyfriend anymore." "because my mom turned into a man, came to school and get him slapped while everyone I ever met watched." "Well, he had bad genes." "Your children would have been ugly and stupid." " Where you going?" " I just need some air." "The feast is here." " Chicken, please." " Here you are." " Thank you." " Back in a moment, sweetheart." "What is it?" "I'm just having a weird day." "Well, snap yourself out." "We're here to have a nice dinner." "I do not want to have a nice dinner." "Kate, I know you aren't fond of me." "But I am concerned about your development as a young woman." "You are promiscuous." "You aren't guarding your flower." "What do you want, Alice?" "I want to let you know that even though I deeply disapprove of the way you carry yourself, your mother loves you very much." " Yeah?" " Yes." "She wants you to know she didn't mean to overreact about those pills you brought home." "She just doesn't want you being... intimate, at your age." "Because she had you at 19 and that was quite a hardship." "I'm not a hardship." "I'm awesome." "You're a graceless ingrate." "You mean slut?" "A girl who likes boys?" "Lets the boys know that she likes them?" "A girl who orgasms?" "Who moans and moans and screams in ecstasy?" "A girl who sucks and fucks." "A girl with absolutely no backdoor shyness?" "That's it." "I'm going to wash your mouth with soap." " I don't think..." " Try it." "What I'm saying ..." " Hey!" " Are you insane?" " What the fuck?" " Dad!" "Kate?" "You okay?" "Kate?" "This is fucking bullshit!" "God, I want out." "How?" "Are you hiring?" "Always." "I'd like to fill out an application." "Why do you want to work here?" "I love to serve people." "I found a coffee stir, if you need a little walking stick." "Cool, thanks." "Would you like me to tuck you in?" "I'm 14, Alice." "I think I can handle it." "I know you tee-teed in your bed." "You know, lack of control is nothing to be ashamed of." "Lots of important men through our history have had their problems." "For instance, Cary Grant liked to wear women's underwear." "I do not know what happened, I mean, I haven't had peed in bed in years." " It is weird." " It's not your fault, sweetie." "You know, someday, if everything goes the way I'm hoping..." "I'll be here all the time." "Won't that be fun?" " Knocking." " Don't come in." "Come on." "Give me two minutes." "Three minutes tops." " What's that, wax?" " Ninety seconds." "Ok." "I'm sorry about Alice." "Washing your mouth, that was obviously crazy." "Is kind of funny though, right?" "It's about as funny as an irregular mole." " Yeah." " Yeah." "Marsh told me about what happened." "It's unfair." "I'm sorry, honey." "What's that?" "Know all those photos we just keep in a shoe box?" "Alice organized them all earlier today." "Made it into a photo-album." " Alice made this?" " U-huh." " My god." " Hello, I just crapped my pants." "Look at Mum." "Yeah... she's beautiful." "Yeah." "Your time's up." "OK." "You want me to hand it over for you?" "No, I think I'll just... kind of..." "Hang on to it for a second." "I made you a marvellous lunch for tomorrow." "It's in the icebox." "Where are the kids now?" "Kate's on the computer, probably looking at that hot topic pornography." "I don't know why you allow it." "I'm sorry, not my place to say." "And Marshall is working on his Winter of Our Discontent project." "That was one of my favorite books at Radcliffe." "You didn't go to Radcliffe." "What are you doing?" "I was just going to press this old dungarees." "Don't put creases in my jeans, ok?" "." "Why did you feel the need to sanitize my kid's mouth anyway?" "She was using some very unbecoming language." "Well, she's always been outspoken, and that's why we love her so, maybe from now on, let me do all the punishment." "I'm just trying to help." "Yeah." "I know you are." "Come on." "Don't you want to make a baby?" "No." "And you know how is Tara, she's got an IUD." "Those things are known to fail, you know." "They're an unnatural device." "Satan's treat." " So that's that then?" " That's that then." "You're abandoning me." "Something tells me you can take care of yourself." "What?" "Nothing." "I'm just looking for someone."