"Vlasta Burian" "In film DON'T MAKE GRANDPA ANGRY" "Screenplay by" "Music by / Lyrics by" "Architect / Set Designer" "Director of Photography" "Produced by" "Made in the Studios Sound System / Sound Editor" "Directed by" "Cast" "Made by" "Miss Lynn Pokorna and Mr. Adolf Danek" "Morning soup" "And she got married, despite me loving her so much." "And I wasn't invited to the weeding!" "Which quite saddens me, because I had sent her a beautiful wedding present." "A plaster dwarf for her garden!" "You tell me, isn't it a beaut..." "in your own... artistic sense isn't it a beautiful present, a dwarf as a garden decoration?" " Excuse me." " Leave me alone!" "Just a second." "She married my cousin Adolf." "I know, Dolfie is a better catch, but do not forget that" "I will inherit also a million or two from my uncle Jonas." "And she wrote me a rude letter." "Why?" "I invited her to Hotchpotch Street for tea." "Seven days I've been waiting for her and seven times she didn't come!" "We had to boil the tea seven times and finally had to pour it down the drain." "Read the letter." "Out loud." "Aha." "Sir, what do you think of yourself?" "You dare to invite me for tea at ten in the evening, to take my shoes off and to ring the bell quietly, in order not to damage your reputation." "Be ashamed of yourself and never show your face again." "L." "L. Signed L." "I'm going for a beer." "She has to return the dwarf." "Hey, one dark beer, dark and sad, to that table over there!" " Here's your tripe soup." " Thank you." " Beef for me." " All right." "Will you excuse me?" " Missy, small or big!" " Leave us alone." "Good day sir, small or big, for a crown, two or three?" " Try your luck." " I'll take it." " Which?" " Small." " Fourteen." " A winner!" "Make your pick." "More!" " Which?" " Big." "Here you go." " Sixty five." " Another winner." "Have your pick over here." " More." " No thank you, thank you." " Why?" "Why?" " You're too lucky, sir." " Listen, we'll play together." " Leave me alone, I'm reading." " Let's play for these ten crowns." " Aw, stop it!" " So, small or big?" " Aw, come on." " Small or big." "Quick, without thinking." " All right already, big." "Big." "What is it?" "Small." "My regards." " Give me the bill." "Did you count it?" " Yes." " How much is it?" " Six hundred and ten." "Six hundred and ten." "Here you have ten and six hundred is on uncle Jonas." " What uncle Jonas?" " From America, uncle Jonas." "I don't care for your uncle from America, you'll pay." "No wonder that Lynn decided not to marry you with your debts." "Never mention Lynn in my presence again!" "In my house I can mention whom I like and whenever I like!" " I can mention Lynn as much I want!" " You may not!" " I may!" " You won't dare!" " I will!" " Let's see." "Lynn!" " You won't dare any more." " Lynn." " Not any more." " Lynn." " And now, you won't dare!" " Lynn, Lynn, Lynn!" "If you say Lynn again," "I'm going to torture you in the most profound way." "Lynn." "Lynn?" "There." "A novelty." "Gherkins in beer." "Lynn!" "Lynn!" "All right!" "Enough!" "I won't say it again!" "And now you can't even say L!" "And who'll pay for this, you crook!" "There are two L's there." "Two L's!" "And who's to pay for this, you crook?" "There." "See how you can do it." "And now I'd like to lay my hands on wedding guests." "You didn't invite me to the wedding, but I don't mind." "But you'll return the dwarf." "No answer?" "It's an answer anyway." "You don't now about this letter, right?" "Help!" "Please, quick, a burglar in the shop window!" "He was here!" "He really was." "What are you doing here?" "What are you doing?" " Waiting with Lynn for the reverend." " Yeah, that's him!" " He went crazy over Lynn!" " Did you smash the dummy's head?" " Yes, but he started it!" " Then you'll come with me!" " You'll come..." " And Lynn will go with me." " Lynn won't!" " Lynn will stay here!" "That'll do." "Listen, how is it with the L?" "Repeat after me:" "Vltava flows into Labe." "Vtava fows into Abe." "All's clear." "Dear friend, now repeat this:" "Agile bumblebee flies agilely." "Agie bumbebee fies agiey." "All right, all right." "Now come over." "Head, there, look right into my eyes." "There." " A straitjacket!" " A straitjacket!" "Straitjacket!" "Gee!" "Straitjacket!" "That's a mistake!" "Gentlemen!" " Straitjacket is for him, over there!" " Let's go!" " Wait!" "I didn't tell you everything!" " Out!" " My regards!" "See, this is a little vase and here a little jug." "My God!" "What bewhiskered child is this?" " This one?" " I'm sure it's from your relatives." "Of course." "Isn't it wonderful?" "Fits very well into the hothouse." "I tell you it's very nice of Eman." "What?" "Is that from Eman?" "From that nuisance?" "I could have thought so." "Tell me what's nice on it." "What's nice on it." "Well, it's nice that he sent at least something." "Especially since we didn't invite him to the wedding." "That's all that we'd need!" "I can't stand him!" "But dear, you're biased." "What do you have against Eman?" "I just don't like him." "And this rubbish has to be out of the house!" "But dear." "Drink, dear." " Good morning." " Ah, Miss secretary." " Anything important, Miss Josephine?" " Just congratulations." "Excuse me, dear." " So, what do you have, Miss?" " Some personal letters." "And also the bills for the wedding feast, a terrible amount of money." "Don't be surprised, guests from all over the world came." " From Sumava to Tatra Mountains." " Except for cousin Eman." "I don't know why, but my wife has a strong antipathy towards him." "But why?" "He's such a nice person." "There you have it." "This is horrible." " What?" "Something happened?" " Excuse me." "This is horrible." "Actually, something did happen." "My company in Vienna went bankrupt." " Which one?" " Schneider." " Schneider." " Terrible." " Please, be so kind and tell my servant to prepare my luggage." " Yes." "I have to go to Vienna." "My dear Dolfie!" "I heard about your wedding." "If you don't come to visit me in Ostrava, then I'll come and visit you and I'll make a fuss you've never seen." "Yours forever..." "That's the last thing I needed." "This will be a problem." "Dear, do you know what happened?" "A lot has happened in fact." "We're not going on honeymoon because of uncle Jonas." "No dear, I have to travel to Vienna." "Schneider went bankrupt!" "So we'll have a honeymoon after all!" "How so?" "Because I'll travel with you!" " That's not possible." " Why wouldn't it be..." " It's impossible." " Why?" " Dear, that's out of the question!" " I'm travelling with you." " Don't insist!" " You have to welcome uncle Jonas!" " Why me?" " Why you, we'll inherit, you know." " All your relatives will inherit." "Let that crazy Eman pick him up!" "Crazy Eman." "Please, don't call him crazy Eman!" "He's got more sense than we both together." "Hello?" "Hello, Dr. Karner's psychiatric asylum, yes, your cousin Eman is with us." " Excuse me?" "Well, he's temporarily insane." "He made a damage worth hundreds here." "So, you'd be very kind to come and pick him up." "Yes, pick him up." "Yes, yes." "Oh dear, dear, dear." "A flea has been munching on my belly for fifteen minutes and I can't scratch it." "Now I got it." "Right." "Eman, is that you?" "Gee, divorced uncle Hannibal!" "Eman, what's my ex, Matilda up to?" "Uncle, she's looking for a new lunatic to fall for her." "No!" "Don't tell me that!" " I'll go insane." " That's rich." "A lunatic going insane in a nut house." "Let's stop it." "Uncle, would you introduce me to these loon gentlemen." "Oh, gladly." "Christopher Columbus." "If he didn't get a bowl full of eggs each day, he'd smash everything." " Really!" " Just between the two of us, he's not well in his head." " That's understandable." "I'm a weather station." " And the weather for tomorrow?" " Intermittent earthquakes." "Something to look forward to, uncle." "I'm the world's highest mountain, Mount Everest." "Eight thousand and eight hundred meters above the sea level." "Look, he even has a space for a soccer stadium here." "And what's my dear Matilda up to?" " ...excuse me..." " Just stop talking to much and announce that auntie Matilda arrived!" "They'll be overjoyed!" "Well!" "I'm telling you that if uncle won't arrive today, I'll come after you." " Yes, where are you staying?" " As usual." "But he'll arrive for certain." "I'm quite sure." "See, here he is!" "Gee, auntie." "Children!" "Congratulations!" "Surprised, are you?" "I couldn't make it to the wedding." "I have so much to do around my own wedding." " You're getting married?" " Yes." " Really?" " And who's the lucky man?" " Uncle Jonas, the love of my life." " Well, what a surprise!" " Well, well." "We'll be getting married here." " Here?" " All right!" " All right." "But the main surprise is still coming!" "I brought you an excellent wedding present." "I went to buy you a radio, an excellent radio." " Thank you, auntie." " Don't thank," "I didn't buy it." "Something else caught my eye in the next shop window." "Turn around and let me surprise you." " She was the last thing we needed." " Right." "And if uncle Jonas marries her, we can say good bye to the inheritance." "Come on, he's not marrying her yet." " He saw her thirty years ago." " The devil never sleeps." "That's why you have to stay and keep an eye on her." "I'm telling you, if uncle does not arrive by afternoon," " I'm coming after you." " All right." "Now!" "Well?" "I was crazy about her." "And it affected my head a little, sir." " That's nothing serious." " Women have no heart and appreciation." "I loved her for fifteen years." "Hopelessly." "Matilda wanted a predator to be her husband!" "A predator, sir." "You're not too predatory, I can tell you that." "You're more of a hippo in a pool." "Matilda made worse comparisons." "I have no luck with women I guess." "Me too, uncle." "For example yesterday I was celebrating fiftieth anniversary of love gone sour." "And it saddened me so much that I smashed a pub and a shop window and that's why they put me here." " We're the same." " We are." "I just hope Matilda won't marry Jonas." "Not a chance!" "Uncle Jonas?" "Never!" "Matilda must be yours!" "Dear, your tonsils will fall out!" "Don't worry auntie, this is very healthy." "Well, times change." "If I had done something like that in my youth, my mother would say that I belong to the circus." "And now it's a trend, especially in America." "In America?" "Do you think Jonas also exercises?" "Of course he does." "And you should try it too." "If you have some extra fat on you, you'll lose it and you'll look like a girl again." "I don't have much, anyway I could try it." "What a soup, gentlemen." "And these are dumplings." " There you go." " Hold on." "Hold on." "Let's play!" "I need an opponent." "Sir, I'm trying to catch you." "Something important I guess." " A telegram!" " All right." "Adolf Danek, Prague" "I'll come later, I stopped over in Paris, uncle Jonas." " There." " This way, sir." "This won't work." "It would work better if you'd place it on some grass or moss and you'd still need to crack it a little." "This is too smooth." "This thing here." "So?" "Standing?" " Is the matter serious?" " Calm down, sir." "Your cousin Eman was indeed performing very courageous stunts, that's true, but I think it's a result of simple excitement of the mind." " It'll pass with time." " What is he doing now, raging?" "No, no, he's meek as a sheep." "I had him called a while ago." "You can take him home." "But you have to pay for the damage and sign a release form." " I'll pay and sign everything." " Excellent." "This is strange." "There!" "That one's rough!" "Eman, please come to the office for a while." " Are you mad?" " What do you think?" "Go to the office, your cousin is waiting for you." "Take me there, I'm not going alone." "Bicycle ready." " Eman, I came to fetch you." " That's nice of you to come." "Look, stop acting funny, I signed the release form, so we're going." " All right." " Doctor." " Have a nice trip." "Good bye, I'll have this, right?" "Everything in order, I hope." "Everything's all right, doctor, everything clear." " Excellent." " Thank you very much." "Come on." "Just a moment." "A small experiment." "Science!" "How dare you!" "So, Eman, I paid for everything, you can run free again." "That's nice of you." "And I'll return everything after we get the inheritance from uncle." " Then I'll pay for everything." " What uncle you mean?" " Uncle Jonas." " You want to inherit from Jonas?" "Don't you know that Jonas is to marry aunt Matilda?" " Come on!" " Yes!" "And if he marries her, than the inheritance is gone." "That's a problem, right?" "And now hear what happened to me." "Problem number two." "Do you know Kathy?" " The dancer?" " I don't." " You know her." " I'm sure I do." " I'm sure you do." "I'm sure I do." "I'm sure you do." "The dancer I had an affair with." "She's in Ostrava now." "She got to know that I got married." "She sent me a telegram saying if I don't come to her right away, she'll come here and will cause fuss" " I'll never forget." " Oh dear!" " You can imagine my situation." " Gee!" "That's problem number two." "Problem number three." " I have to go to her, you understand." " Yeah." "You have to!" " And my wife would like to come with!" " Yeah, she has to." " She can't!" " Can't." " Yes." "The only thing holding her back is uncle Jonas's arrival." "Well!" "That's a winner then!" "A winner!" "And what's this?" " Well?" " You got me." " A telegram!" " Bingo." "From uncle Jonas, saying he's not coming because he's in Paris." " That's a problem!" " Gee, number four." "There." "And if uncle doesn't come, my wife will come to Ostrava." " That's problem number five." " Yeah." " Problem number five." " And we need a problem number six." "We don't need any more problems!" "We need someone to distract my wife." " Someone to keep her busy." " That's difficult." "I would try, but you know she doesn't like me." " That's it." " That's it." " She doesn't like you?" "But who then!" "Who, Eman?" "If I only knew." "Right." "Right!" "Eman, Eman!" "Stand up." "Please, stand up." "Stand up." "Eman, sit down." "Eman, stand up." "Stand up, Eman." "Yes, yes." "That's it!" "Uncle Jonas!" "You are uncle Jonas!" "How come?" "What do you mean uncle Jonas?" "You'll pretend to be uncle Jonas!" " But I don't know him!" " And does anyone?" " You see!" " No photo of him for thirty years!" " He speaks English." " Speaks English!" "Speaks English!" "And you say it just like that!" "Ask me if I speak English!" " Do you speak English?" " Not a word!" "Come on, Eman, you don't speak English?" " Where I'd get money for lessons!" " And you're not ashamed?" "Almost everyone speaks English these days." "What if I'm not everyone?" " Do you speak English?" " I'm not to pretend uncle Jonas." " You see!" " In short, you're uncle Jonas staying in the Blue Star Hotel!" " In the Blue Star Hotel?" " My address is Hotchpotch Street!" " I said Blue Star Hotel!" "I know the best where I live!" "It's Hotchpotch Street!" " Blue Star Hotel and that's it!" " And who lives in Hotchpotch Street?" " Do I know?" " See!" " Come on." "And what if your wife comes for tea?" "Now I've done it." "My wife would go for tea to Hotchpotch Street?" "Does my wife need to go to Hotchpotch Street?" "Your wife needs not to go to Hotchpotch Street for tea!" "She can have tea in a fancy restaurant!" " And a tub full of it!" " Yeah!" "You see how much it suits you, auntie." "I'm doing it all just for Jonas." "For his beautiful letters, he's been sending me for twenty years." "Imagine, we fell in love when we were twenty two." " And our love is still the same." " Even when you married Hannibal?" "Not even then." "Actually I divorced my calm and good Hannibal just to fulfill Jonas's lifelong wish and become his wife." "That old bag wants you to write a message made of flowers:" "Welcome uncle Jonas." "I found it in the dictionary." "Welcome uncle Jonas." " It has to be in English." " Right." "I'd rather write:" "Bugger off, you crone." "That hag is so bothersome, I'd..." "Listen Eman, I'm kind of worried." " Let's forget it." " What are you worried about!" "Nonsense." "Stay calm, no worries, you left it up to me, so don't bother." "Look Eman, Lynn will recognize you." "How could she recognize me?" "Do I look funny?" "Do you look funny?" "You look like Buffalo Bill." "That's it then." "That's what we want!" " Don't worry, leave it up to me." " But look..." "Don't bother!" " Don't ring!" " Who rang?" " You did!" "Right!" " Good evening, afternoonig." " Excuse me?" "You are the butler here?" "You are the maid?" " Maid." " Yes, all right, my name is Mister Jonathan." "I come from America, you understand?" "Whom should I announce?" "Yes, mix pickle purplenickle." "I'm uncle Jonas and I come from America." " Uncle Jonas?" " Yes, mix pickle purplenickle." "Come on." "Here's a dollar, go and announce me and buy yourself some property for that." "Yes, all right." "That's it, you're out!" " What are you doing?" " What are you saying?" "Afternooning!" " Does that mean something?" " Of course it does!" "I'm surprised I can speak English so well!" " Lynn will recognize you!" " Come on!" "Did he recognize me?" "He didn't." "And neither will Lynn." " Uncle Jonas is here." " Ah, Jonas!" "Jonas is here." "My heart!" "Lynn, I beg you, you're young, you have to help me." " What should I do?" " Just calm down, auntie," "I'll welcome uncle in the meantime." " I'm telling you that Lynn..." " Lynn!" " Come on, my darling!" " Uncle!" "That's fine." "Once more, once more." " That's great..." " Look at the resemblance!" " What resemblance?" "What is it?" " What you mean?" " You look like Eman." " Eman?" " Cousin Eman." "Ah, yes, cousin!" "That must be one handsome man, that Eman." "Oh my dear uncle!" "How do you do?" "Have you had a good passage?" "Have you had a good passage?" "Auntie!" " Come here!" " What is it?" "What is pessitch?" " I don't know!" "Look in the dictionary!" "Ein Moment!" "Ich komme sofort." "Uno momento!" "Pessitch, pessitch..." "That's a telephone directory!" "I know already." "It means "a dog"." "Yes, yes, I have two pessitch." "I have a little pessitch," " I have a bigger pessitch." " Quiet!" "Quiet!" "My pessitch is chaster." " Chaster fowler, rabbiter." " Shut up!" " Yes all right." " Listen, keep quiet!" "It's very nice room." "Oh, many, many flower..." "Auntie will come in a minute, uncle." "I wouldn't care much for her if there was something to eat around here." "That crazy rough sea made me all, all so hungry." " You'll get anything you want." " That's fine." "Jonas!" " Tilda!" " You recognized me?" " Oh, yes." " Your heart has spoken!" "Yes, you're just as I imagined you." "Yes, do you know what Americans do when they meet?" " They kiss." " No!" "Whisky!" "Come on!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "I like that." "What a vehicle." "That's right..." "Cognac!" "I'll have some cognac." "But Jonas!" "Do you drink alcohol?" "You wrote me that you're a teetotaler." "Yeah!" "I wrote that, but you know, letters are written and cognac is drunk." " Uncle, please tell us about America." " Yes." " About America... no, no..." " Please." " No." " Why not?" " No, I've had it with America up to here." "No way!" "About New York." "No." "I'd rather not." "I'm glad I left that place." " Anyway, you've been there, right?" " No, we weren't." " We weren't, honest." " You don't know New York?" " No." "We don't." " All right then!" "Let's sit down." "Yes." "So, you want to know about New York." "I'll tell you this about New York:" "New York is a very, very housy town." "It was built in... seventeen sixteen six." "It's built on the subway, from the bottom upwards." "Incredibly tall buildings..." "I also have a house there." " Fourteen hundred stories high." " Come on, that's not possible." "You're right, that's a bit too much." "It's only about twelve hundred." " That figures." " But it's interesting that in America they build the same number of stories as above ground, below ground." "Into the very earth." "Unbelievable." "I wanted fourteen hundred stories, as said before, but the city didn't allow it, due to the foundations, because if we were to dig the foundations, we would dig all the way to Japan." " Wow!" " Yup." "What's interesting is that my butler is Japanese." "He's closer to home at the bottom." "And another interesting thing is that in America, we have a high postman death rate." " No!" " It's no surprise." "He's off to deliver a telegram in the morning and no one's home." "He comes again at ten, eleven, twelve, still no one at home." "He goes there in the afternoon, still no one." "In the evening he's dead." "He couldn't take it." "If you want to imagine how high is such a building, then I'll tell you." "When I'm off to collect the rent and I start in January, I come back just in time for Christmas." "Jonas, what's Anthony up to?" "Which Anthony, Anthony Green?" "No, Anthony, your cousin from San Francisco." " Ah, from San Francisco, that dressy one, right?" " Yes." "I know which one..." "Do you know he's dead?" "Dead?" "Anthony?" "Yup, he died." "Yes, he had a horrible death." "He had a horrible death." "He drowned in milk!" "In milk he drowned." "He had a large cattle farm, had a lot of cows and stuff." "They were boiling milk in a large kettle and he went to inspect, he slipped and fell into the milk, drowned and they found him on the third day in a cafe as a milk skin." " My God!" " Yup." " Poor wife." " Wife, yeah, she cried a lot." "Cried?" "I believe that." "What does she do?" " Do you know she's also dead?" " Also?" " Yup, also." "She died." "Cousin Anthony gave her a laundromat." "And she laundered herself to death." "Yup." "Poor soul, working from dusk to dawn." "She was doing overtime once and she stuck her hands into the machine." "And it made a collar out of her." "One guy still wears her around his neck." "What a tragedy." "Poor woman." "What's to do?" "And what about the sister?" " Sister?" "Which one?" "Her?" " Betty." " Do you know she died?" " No, I don't." "Yeah." "She's dead." "She was a director of a zoo, she was feeding livers to a crocodile." "And when she turned her back, this wild crocodile attacked her and all that remained were her boots." " My God!" " See." "And the children?" "Children, right." "Did you know that the children are dead and gone?" " What?" " Tornado took them." "Tornado." "Tornado took them." "They were on their way to school, this horrible tornado came and..." "Children were gone, all that remained was their pencil case." "Oh!" "What a tragedy." "If they carry on asking me, their relatives will become extinct." " Where are the matches?" " Jonas, you smoke?" " You wrote me that you don't." " Well..." "I didn't smoke, but since I got myself bees and you need smoke for that." " You keep bees?" "My bees are horse sized." "Their stingers are big as a pole." "Come on, how big would be the beehives then!" " Hives." "As big as around here." " How do all those bees fit in there?" "That's their problem, not mine." "I'd like to speak English a bit." "This is our secretary and she speaks fluent English." "I'm very surprised to see you here." "How do you do?" "Have you had a good passage?" "I don't get it." "We're in Czechoandslovakia and..." "And everybody speaks English." "Incredible!" "Miss, could you call the American Embassy, that uncle Jonas is here and ask when could the wedding be." " Yes, madam." " And who's getting married?" " I am!" " Really?" "We have to drink to that." "Listen, I don't like that American thing." "You know me." "I have a nose of a detective." "You're poking it around too much." "If that isn't an American." "I don't know, something's fishy about him." "You'd like America a lot." "Yes." "Especially California, but it's a pity that it has an unpleasant side to it." "For example there are those..." "It's full of gangsters." " So many abductions." " I'd be scared." "They'd return you for sure." " Madam, there's no one at the American Embassy." " No one?" " Sherry, Miss?" " Thank you." "And where's nephew Eman?" "I was much looking forward to him." "Leave Eman out of this." "He's quite an imp." "Imp!" "Don't touch Eman!" "He's a very nice person." "Very nice person." "What do you think, Miss?" "An excellent person." "Ideal." "She's right." "She said the truth." "Be nice to him." "Steam ships head for America, when you get off, everything seems so large." "It's quite practical, to be lexical." "Good evening, good night, excellent, all right, you drank white, there's offside." "Tomorrow or today, good-bye or good day, makes me shout hooray." "His Master's Voice, Yankee Doodle." "My appetite, have a strudel." "Quintal is a cent, patent is patent, goose in an oven, happy end." "I like livers, you like livers, I like livers, you like livers." "I like livers, you like livers, I like livers, you like livers." " My God, what a surprise, he's here!" " Who's here?" " My ex, Adolf from Prague!" " You said he was getting married." "It's quite suspicious he's here." "I wrote him I can't live without him and he took it seriously." "You weren't serious?" "My God, you're so gullible." "Men feel good when women tell them that they can't live without them." "Does your fiancé know about it?" "No way!" "They don't know each other." " That's clear then." " But what will I do?" " I'll get rid of him!" " I wonder how." " Me too." " One can learn a lot from you." " Easy, easy!" "What are you doing here so late?" "I'm calculating the expenses on the wedding feast." "What's this?" "Emission Eman" "It's nothing." "I just remembered Eman." "You seem to be often thinking about that scoundrel." "You can't judge it when you don't know him." "I heard enough about him." "Don't believe that, Mrs. Danek doesn't like him, because he gave away father's inheritance." "And how do you know?" "If you are interested in someone as I am in Eman, then you can find out anything." "I know that he's been in love fifty times, but never found the right one." " That's it." " He's a scoundrel and that's it!" "Instead of welcoming his uncle, he's running around." "I'll disinherit him!" " No, you won't do that." " I will." " No." " I'll do it." "You have same good and joking eyes, just like Eman." "You'll forgive him." "I'd forgive him anything in the world." "Anything?" "Even if he was pulling your sock?" "Mr. Jonathan, you have a strange voice all of a sudden." "I also noticed that my voice is somehow breaking." " What... what's this?" " Don't touch uncle's appearance!" "Carry on working!" "Mix pickle purplenickle!" "You know that I didn't realize how much you loved me?" " I realize now, when it's too late." " It's not that late." " Last train leaves at midnight." " I don't mean that!" "I'll stay here until tomorrow." "What kind of a good bye would that be?" "That's not possible, the sooner you leave, the better." "Why?" "Well, I could get used to you again and I'd never let you go!" "You can't imagine how much I longed for you recently." "Poor you." "There's nothing left for me to do then to soothe your pain." " My sorrow is deeper than you think." " Really?" " Enough?" " Well..." "Well!" "I hope you find someone to replace me." "You know, there is a line of men interested in me." "But my interest was always your interest." "And your interest was my..." " Gee, there's my fiancé." " Who?" "Don't ask and sign!" "Make like you don't know me." "Gee, you always come after twelve." "What happened?" "We decided not to play bridge today." "That's why I'm here." "Mr. Lindal, agent from Stockholm." "He wants me in his show." "He insists on giving me money." "But I want to stay here because of you." "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Lindal." "But I'm not letting my Katie go." " Isn't it?" " Yes." " Well, that's different then." "I won't disturb you." "Good bye." "My regards." "I don't understand." "I don't..." "I don't understand a word." "I've been talking on the phone for half an hour." "No wonder, auntie, they only speak English at the American Embassy." "Yes, yes, did you understand?" "Yes?" "Yes, yes, thank you." "Good bye." "They did understand after all." "Everything is ready for the wedding." "I'm so excited." "They'll come in thirty minutes." "Listen auntie, I wouldn't rush the wedding so much if I were you." "Who knows whether uncle Jonas is willing." "I beg your pardon!" "Jonas came here for the purpose of marrying me!" "Vaclav, make two large bouquets!" "The wedding's on!" "You can only profit from that." "That's a check for two million and I only need some hundred thousand." "If you go to the bank, they'll give you the whole amount." "You'll give me hundred thousand for the insoles and you'll keep the rest." "I can't do it now." "Banks are closed." "He won't listen to you, sir." "But if I order him." " Will you listen to Christopher Columbus?" " Of course!" "Come, dear friend, there." "Sit nicely." "Here." "That's it." "Oh dear, earthquake." "One." "One." " Who is it?" " Gee!" " Lowood orphan." " Nope!" " Three musketeers!" " Nope!" "Twenty years after!" "Who is it?" "Ah, yes!" " It is me." " Auntie Matilda!" "What did you bring me?" " Wedding is ready." " Wedding?" " And who's getting married?" " The two of us, Jonas!" "Stop swinging me." " Two of us!" " I prepared everything." "I ordered the bouquet, rings are ready." "Now we can enter the marital harbor." "My Darling, unfortunately I cannot get married!" " Why?" " Because I don't have my papers." "I have no..., I don't have my document, you understand?" "All documents are in the suitcase?" "Buried." "Well, not too buried, but rather stolen." "I had a very dishonest butler, he stole it and now I have no document, none, see?" "I'll marry only when passing by again, you know?" "But Jonas, you sent me your documents." "And I gave them to the Embassy." "Everything is ready." "I called the consul and told him you didn't feel well, so an official will come to wed us here." "If I kill this woman, I will be absolved." "Right after the wedding we have to leave, Jonas." "I'm terribly afraid of Hannibal." "He's very kind, but he is not too well in his head, he threatened to shoot you!" "Shoot me?" "I haven't done anything!" "Why would he... hold on!" "That's impossible!" "Matilda, wait for me!" "Matilda!" "What's that?" "I can't get married!" "Just like that!" "How would that work?" "Who are you looking for?" "If I'm knocking at Eman Pipa's door," " I'm not looking for prince Rudolph." " Mr. Pipa's not at home." " And where is he?" " How would I know?" "I think his uncle Jonas from America arrived." " He'll inherit from him." " Really?" "Say it again, caretaker!" "I think Mr. Jonas has arrived." "Poor soul." "I pity him." "Do you know what awaits him?" " Whom?" " Jonas." "Six bullets in the head." "I'll show Matilda a predator!" " What are you bringing again?" " Your last year's letters." "I know Czech ones by heart." "But I didn't understand some of the English." "You'll translate them for me, right?" "I will, yes." "Hello?" "What official?" "No, not yet." "US Embassy is asking whether some marriage official has arrived." "I don't know, I was in the garden." "Yes, he came yesterday evening." "You can speak to him right away." " Consul would like to speak to you." " No, no, tell him that..." "Tell him that I'm ill, that..." "Tell him I've scurvy." "You have to speak to him about our wedding." "Hello?" "Good afterning." "Yes, all right, here Mister..." "... here speaking Mr. Jonathan." "He's from America." "You are Consul?" "Oh yes, thank you very much." "No." "I know you don't understand, but what can I do?" "Yes, all right." "I would never guess that English is such a fast language!" "I studied it on an express train." "Oh!" "Jonas!" "She's chasing me like a hound." " Can I help you?" " They have sent me from the Consulate of the United States of America." " Mr. Jonathan, Miss Matilda?" " Right." "Moment, wait a while." " What would you do if it was him?" " Who?" " Hannibal." "Well, I'm an American, I'd figure something out, you know?" "My courageous predator." "Here are some happy flowers and there's a sad man at the door talking rubbish." " That's him." " Who?" " Hannibal!" "Jonas, I'm going to faint!" "Save yourself." "Don't worry, leave us alone and we'll settle it." "Let the sad gentleman come in." "Come in." "Who's this?" "That will be a distraint upon Adolf." "Or, maybe he's going to a café and it's closer from here." "Excuse me for disturbing, but what can I do for you?" "You are bridegroom I suppose." "We heard to our greatest regret that you cannot leave the room." "The Consul was so kind to consent that you may undertake the ceremony at home." "Excuse me, I didn't understand moment." "I, I, I don't understand what you... what you say." "Yes, yes, I will undertake the wedding ceremony here." "The wedding, you understand." " The wedding." " Oh, wetting!" " Oh, yes, yes." " Yes, wetting, wetting." " Yes, I have wetting here and here." " No, no." "I will undertake the ceremony of marriage." " Omaridge." " Marriage, yes." " Omaridge." " Marriage, you understand?" " Ah, yes, oh!" "Yes, you will play marriage!" "Marriage, yes, yes, I know that card game." "Yes, yes, please, marriage." "Marriage, you understand me?" "Oh, yes..." "That's the marriage official!" "Jonas, this is the greatest surprise that you've prepared for me." "Please, I have no time to loose because I must be at the funeral at twelve o'clock." " What?" " He's saying it's wet outside and he slipped and fell into a puddle." "He has to attend a funeral at twelve, auntie." "The ceremony may begin." " Yes." " In the name of the American people..." "You see, he's getting angry!" "Angry at everyone talking around here!" "One of you just said something." "In the name of the American people..." "You see, quiet!" "Represented by the honorable General Consul of the United States of America" "I have to ask the here present citizen of Chicago," "Nice present, all right." "Are you disposed to enter into a marriage with your here present beloved?" " Yeah." " Please write your name here." " What is he saying?" " That we'll ride around afterwards." " Please write your name here." " Write your name." "Please write your name here." " No!" "No!" "Not I." " But Jonas, you have to sign!" "No!" "I can't..." "Jonas, what's wrong with you?" " Where am I?" " Within the harbor of marriage." "And you're a submarine." "Where are the witnesses?" " Witnesses?" " Witnesses." " He needs two witnesses." "My God, I forgot all about them!" "You see what you're doing!" "You forgot about the witnesses!" "I'm going through this crazy ceremony and you forget the witnesses!" "I'm mad!" " I will propose something to you." " You see?" " What's he saying?" "I'll go to the funeral and I'll come back with two witnesses." " What's he saying?" " He's saying that he'll go to the funeral and he'll return and will bring two witnesses with him." "To the funeral, right." "And if you happen to fall into a grave, don't worry about." " Yes." " Yes, yes." " See you again." " See you, see you." "You see, what you have done." "Such a mess." "I crossed the sea to come here and you have no witnesses!" "This is unheard-of!" "How did I deserve this?" " If you hear a shot, it'll mean that I shot myself." " Jonas!" "Come on, auntie, calm down." "Jonas!" "Jonas!" "What's all this knocking about, one can't even bath in peace!" "Who's there?" "Gee, uncle Hannibal!" " Eman, is that you?" " It is me." " And where's Jonas then?" "!" " Which Jonas?" " Uncle Jonas." "I just saw him around here." "The one that you saw was a swindler." "It's uncle Jonas' butler, who's pretending to be uncle Jonas." "Poor Matilda!" " She's been tricked by an imposter." " Imposter." "Hello?" "Dr. Karner?" "My compliments." "Doctor, you have to come over at once." "We're scared out of our wits and have no idea what to do." "Well, Hannibal is here!" " You understood me, right?" " No." "Great!" "Leave it all up to me and I'll settle it." "You want your Matilda, I want my inheritance." " You just nicely stay here." " What am I to do here?" " Make like you're not here." " Great idea!" " Deal." " Deal." "Gentlemen, he's got pistols." "He's in the bathroom." "Don't worry, I'll calm him." "Come on." "You hide here." "If he sees you, he'll go crazy." "What's going on?" "I'll fire." " Hannibal, open up!" " Is that you, doctor?" " The one who crossed the Alps with me?" " Yes, Hannibal, it's me." "What are you doing here?" "Why aren't you in history?" " Because I came to get you." " Yes and we'll go against the Turks." " Those unbelievers." " Yes, we'll go to fight the Turks." " Just open up." " You have to open, I'm locked in here." "Aha!" "What are you doing here?" " Pretending I'm not here." " A nice hero you are." "And now you'll go and apologize to the ladies." " Yes." " There." "They're coming!" "Great commander Hannibal, who can tame an elephant with his stare apologizes to you, ladies." "I apologize." "Matilda, forgive me for everything I have done to you." "Do you know that Jonas is not really Jonas?" "It's his butler, who's pretending to be him." " An imposter!" " An imposter!" "A butler!" "Calm down, Matilda." "Hannibal, I hurt you so much." "And I almost ended up in the hands of an imposter." "Can you forgive me?" "I didn't want to tell you, but I knew right from the start it isn't him." " When I lay my hands on him!" " Keep calm." "Don't get upset, otherwise we'll have new battles to fight!" "I've won the biggest battle, I won Matilda." " Come." " I'm coming, I'm coming." "I'm upset." "What a surprise." " Lady, do you know who's here?" " Who?" " I'm afraid to tell you." " Out with it!" "Another uncle has arrived!" "Another uncle." "You let the uncle drag his cases." "You scoundrel!" "This is not... get out of here!" "This is not what I had expected." "You left me standing alone at the railway station!" "Damn!" "Now you're looking!" "Don't you recognize me?" "I'm uncle Jonas." " Jonas!" " Uncle Jonas?" "Didn't you get my telegram?" "I sent it to Adolf." "You must be Lynn!" "I recognize you from a photo." " Kiss the old man." " Uncle." "And another kiss." "And another." "And another." "What a stunner." "And who's this?" "This is Miss Josephine, our secretary." "Give the old man a kiss." "And another one." "And another." " And who's this, Lynn?" " It's me, Matilda." "Gee, you look like a lightning struck you." "I'm mad at myself." "If you only knew what I did to Matilda." "Thank you, doctor." "You see, you're perfectly cured." "I don't deserve Matilda." "Let Jonas have her." "Come Miss Josephine, let's leave uncle alone with auntie." "Why are you leaving, girls?" "Stay here." "I'm so happy, Jonas." "And now tell me, what's with this Hannibal?" " How do you know?" " I know everything." "American police works while we sleep." "Believe me Jonas, I never liked Hannibal." "And that's the mistake!" "We must put everything in order!" "You have to take Hannibal back!" " Never!" "Never, Jonas." " You have to!" " Never!" "Don't make grandpa angry!" "You'll marry Hannibal!" "No!" "I'm going to faint!" "Give me, chair!" "It's easy to faint on a chair." " Throw yourself on the floor!" " Hannibal!" " What's wrong with her?" " I'll explain everything." "I'll explain everything." " Where should I put her?" " Put her under a train." "Come, I'll explain everything." "Good evening." "Tell your master we are here." "I don't care!" "This will be great sacrifice on my part, but you love Matilda, so you take her." "I can't ask of you such sacrifice." "But why not?" "Why not?" "Just take her." "Matilda is an angel among us!" "But she's been waiting for you for such a long time." "You have to take her." "That's not true." "Honor and Matilda goes to you." " Matilda's yours." " Matilda's yours." " Whose is Matilda?" " Yours!" " Yours!" " No, yours!" " Yours!" " You're going to marry Matilda!" " No!" " You're going to marry her!" " Don't make grandpa..." "What is going on?" " What noise is that?" " They're chasing your uncles around!" "Mine?" "I beg your pardon..." "Quiet!" "Quiet!" " Quiet!" "Do you have him?" " We do." " Good." "Poor Hannibal is off his rocker again." " Hannibal's here!" " Here." "Who did you catch?" "I'm afraid it's uncle Jonas." "No way!" "Uncle Jonas is here!" "Eman!" "I'd only like to know who's in the sack." "Hello, hello, Jonathan!" "I am here." " Who's this?" " I'm uncle Jonas." "That would be me again!" "Jonas!" "You came after all!" "I came to tell you that I got engaged to another along the way." "Gee and how long are we going to wait for our inheritance?" "To spare you from waiting too long," "I'll give it to you in cash now." "Gee, that's nice of you uncle." "There we go." "And for you to have some too, just catch!" "The End"