"Michelle, what are you doing?" "I'm blowing bubbles." "Well, my milk-and-cookie monster, big girls do not blow bubbles into their milk." "Why?" "Because milk is not a toy." "Why?" " They don't sell milk in toy stores." " Why?" "I don't know why." "Maybe this is just one of those things grownups say to keep kids from having a good time." "I can't think of one good reason why we shouldn't blow bubbles into our milk." "Let's go." "There's one good reason." "Not like that, like this." " How's that?" " Better." "Perma Teeth denture adhesive commercial, take three." "[SINGING]:" "When you're smiling" " Scooby-doo-doo" " When you're smiling" " Scooby-doo-doo" "Hold the scooby-doo-doos." "Jess, I have a great new idea for the Perma Teeth commercial." "Instead of using music, which you gotta admit is kind of old-fashioned we zap them with comedy." "Ready?" "[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Hi." "Big Ed here, for Perma Teeth." "I love my dentures." "I used to have real teeth, but I didn't brush them for six whole years." "How come?" "Because I plumb forgot." " That's funny." "We're not doing funny." " Come on, Jess." "No, Joseph." "Now, meet our backup singers." "This is Stacey Fleetwood." "You're Joey Gladstone." "I saw your act last week at the Laugh Machine." "You were hysterical." "Well, thank you very much." "You were a beautiful audience." " And this is Cindy Daniels." " Hi." " Hi." " I've never heard of you." "You will." "You won't believe how funny he is." "Joey, do your Roseanne Barr imitation." "[MIMICS ROSEANNE BARR] I can't do it right now." "The kids are playing in the garbage disposal." "Do you have any idea how much it's gonna cost to fix that thing?" " You got a doughnut?" " He kills me." "You gotta do your Popeye." " You like Popeye?" " Are you kidding?" "I love Popeye." " No." " Yes." "Any guy who can eat spinach through a pipe is my kind of man." "[MIMICS POPEYE]" "I have a whole Popeye collection." "You gotta see this." "This is a musical can of spinach." " Are we in this room?" " We are, but we shouldn't be." " Joey, what do you say we call it a day?" " Okay, fine." " Dinner's in an hour." " Okay, fine." " The Pope's coming." " Yeah, say hi for me." "He's gone." "And this is an actual Popeye signature." "Well, it's an actual one." "I mean, there's all those Popeye forgeries going around now." "D.J., I promise, this is the last time I'll ever copy your homework." "Kimmy, if you keep copying, you'll never learn anything." "So what?" "Once I'm out of school, I'm never gonna use English." "Oh, no." "Look at this." "The dog ate my homework." "All that hard work for nothing." "This is exactly why I never do homework." "Comet ate my favorite tie." "Where is that goat in dog's clothing?" "I don't know, but if you find him see if he has a book report on Little Women stuck in his teeth." "The doggy ate my bunny slipper." "Oh, honey, I don't think he actually ate it." "I think he just sort of drooled on it." "Ew." "Doggy drool." "Hi, everybody." " There he is." " There he is." "Yeah, there he is." "Hey, why is everyone mad at sweet little Comet?" "You ate my bunny slipper." "Bad, bad, bad." "If Comet could talk, I'm sure he would say:" "[PANTS]" "How rude." "Dad, no one will believe the old "my dog ate my homework" excuse so I'll just tell my teacher that Michelle ate it." "Mr. Tanner, have you ever considered obedience school?" "Yes, and tell your parents I'm willing to pay half." "Steph, Comet is out of control." "He thinks this house is one big Milk-Bone." "It's not Comet's fault." "His dog food tastes terrible." " You tasted it?" " Of course not." "I fed it to Michelle." "I hate dog food." "Yuck!" "Steph, listen to me very carefully, do not feed dog food to your sister." "Okay." "And, Comet, you got to learn the rules around here." "Rule number one: never lick my nose when I'm lecturing you." "Comet, I know it's an easy mark, but don't do it." "Okay, okay." "Now, name this TV show." "All right, here's your hint." "[HISSES]" "Mission:" "Impossible." "[SINGING] Mission impossible, mission" "How'd I get this mission?" "It's impossible" " You are so cute." " Oh, come on, cut it out." "Yeah." "Ay, Chihuahua." ""Ay, Chihuahua"?" "Well, I could've said, "Have Mercy."" "But it felt a little more like, "Ay, Chihuahua."" "Yeah." "All right, well, tomorrow, when we pitch that commercial I'm wearing my black suit." "Wear your gray suit." " All right." " Ay, Chihuahua?" "Joey, why do you always let Jesse boss you around?" "He didn't boss me around." "I only have one suit." "It's not just the suit." "He's been telling you what to do all week." "What about that denture commercial?" "Your comedy idea was great." "But just because Jesse didn't like it, you dropped it." "Well, I'm just kind of a go-with-the-flow kind of guy." "But if you were a bit more assertive, Jesse would take your ideas seriously." "I wish you'd believe in yourself as much as I believe in you." "Thanks, Stacey." "You know, maybe you're right." "Joey, get in here." "Coming, boss." "It's just a nickname that Jesse asked me to use." "I love you." "Bye." "I just talked to Becky." "Cancel your plans tomorrow night." "All four of us are going bowling." "Now you're deciding when I bowl?" "Just like you decided not to use my comedy idea for the Perma Teeth commercial." "Where is this coming from?" "We agreed my idea was better." "No, you agreed that your idea was better." "We were just talking about how my idea was great." "Wait a minute." "Which "we" are we talking about?" "Are we talking about "us" we or "you" we?" ""We" we." "I just think that Joey has terrific ideas." "Well, here's a terrific idea:" "Why don't you give me a moment alone with my partner." " It's okay, Stace." "I can handle this." " All right, honey." "Joey, come on, man." "I think you have great ideas." "That's why we're partners." "That's why we're successful, the two of us." "One, two." " How come you get to go first?" " Fine." "Two, one." "There you go." "There's the smile." "All right." "Dueling Sammys, okay?" "[MIMICS SAMMY DAVIS JR.] You are the greatest, man." "[MIMICS SAMMY DAVIS JR.] No, man, you are the greatest." "No, babe." "No, no, no." "Hold the presses." "Pound for pound, you're the best, babe." "You, babe, are the Candyman's Candyman." "[IN NORMAL VOICE] All right." "Attaboy." " Okay?" " All right." "Now, tomorrow, wear the gray suit." "We're gonna pitch my idea, and no comedy stuff, okay?" "Mr. Bear's hat?" "Mr. Bear's scarf?" "Trench coat." "And pants." "This means Mr. Bear is naked." "Help!" "Call 911!" "Call 911!" "Help!" " What's the matter?" " Mr. Bear." "It's better not to look." "I'll make him better." "It didn't work." "Steph, what's going on?" "Bummer." "The doggy did it." "Comet, how could you?" "After all I've done for you." "You ate my best friend." "Comet, come here." "This is a doggy no-no." "D.J., take him downstairs, read him his rights and book him." "I'm sorry sweetheart." "I know how much you love Mr. Bear but these things happen when you have a dog." "I have no dog." "Mr. Kiner, you're gonna love what our boys came up with." "Gentlemen." "Mr. Kiner, as you know today's denture wearers are more alive, more active, if you will, than ever before." "Our campaign shows that thanks to Perma Teeth wearing dentures doesn't mean the party's over." "Big Joe?" "Picture, if you will, sir, a dance floor full of happy, smiling denture wearers represented by the vivacious Mrs. Ferguson." "They're all swinging to the sound of a big band." "As we pan their happy, smiling faces with teeth firmly in place, we hear:" "[SWING MUSIC PLAYS]" "[SINGING]:" "When you're smiling" " Scooby-doo-doo" " Ooh, when you're smiling" " Scooby-doo-doo" "The whole world is smiling with you" " When you're laughing" " Scooby-doo-doo" " Oh, when you're chuckling" " Scooby-doo-doo" "The sun, it is a-come shining through" "So keep on smiling" "'Cause when you're smiling" "The whole world smiles with" " You" " Scooby-doo-doo" "Perma Teeth." "Take a bite out of life." "It's a very nice presentation." "It is, of course, the safe approach." " You're always safe with safe." " Unless you're too safe." "Sir, if I may be so bold, we feel that this concept is the best way to go." "Thank you, gentlemen." "I'll think it over." "Joey, go on, do your idea." "Mr. Kiner, sir, before you leave, we'd like you to consider going a whole other way." "The concept, sir, is comedy." "It's more exciting, and it's definitely unexpected." "Definitely unexpected." "We think you're gonna love it, sir." " Don't we?" " We better." "Now, sir, we'd like to show you a commercial that says wearing dentures can be fun." " Ready, Jess?" " Oh, sure." "I'll just go sit on the couch and look confused." "Perfect." "Now, sir, we take you to a hockey game." "Ay, Chihuahua." "Defending the net is world-famous hockey goalie and denture wearer, Guy Le Dome." "[IN FRENCH ACCENT] Hello, I am Guy Le Dome." "You know, for years, I thought that the protective mask was for sissy boys." "Then one day, I stopped a puck with my mouth." "That hurt." "Then I had to use my teeth for gravel in my fish tank." "So then I bought some, how you say..." " ...phony-baloney teeth." " Dentures." "[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]" "Now I keep my dentures in place with Perma Teeth." "When you have to bite Wayne Gretzky...." "You swine." "It's no time to find your choppers laying by the blue line." "So use Perma Teeth and take a bite out of life or Wayne Gretzky." "Well, it's twisted, it's off-center." "It's exactly what I'm looking for." "Let's do it." " Great!" " Terrific." "Nice work." "Yes!" "Oh, Joey, I am so proud of you." "I never would've had the guts to do this if it wasn't for you." "Well, partner, looks like you and I got some work to do." "I think you and Stace can handle this one." "Jess, are you mad just because they liked my idea more than yours?" "You had this whole thing planned out." "That's not your regular underwear." "I was prepared in case we needed it." "And it's a good thing I was." "You know, ever since you've hooked up with Yoko over here you've changed, and not for the better." "Her name is Stacey." " Leave her out of this." " I didn't mean to cause trouble." " You did." " No, she didn't." " Stop blaming this on Stacey." " Fine, then I blame it on you." "Joey, I don't think we should see each other anymore." " What?" " I don't wanna be responsible..." " ...for breaking your partnership." " It's a little late for that, babe." " Come on, Jess." " Joey you guys have been together for years." "We just met." "Work things out with Jesse." "I'm sorry." "Stacey." "Don't worry, Steph, the patient is in good hands." "I haven't lost a bear yet." "Deej, if you make him better, I swear I'll never read your diary again." "You read my diary?" "Uh...." "Not anymore." " What's up, doc." " Great, my nurse is here." "Say, "Ah."" "Now get a lollipop." "This is all very cute." "Now, can we get on with the operation?" "What are you doing in here, looking for dessert?" "Out, out, out!" "She needs a nap." " Dad, tell Comet to stay out of my room." " Comet, stay out of her room." "Your best friend's a hockey puck." "Ooh-hoo." "Problems everywhere." "I live for this stuff." "Okay, Jess, spill your guts." "Joey agreed not to pitch his dumb idea, and he did it anyway." "He stabbed me right in the back right in front of my face." "Just like Comet." "All right, I think I want everybody to sit down right now." "It's time for a little father-daughter-brother-in-law talk." " Joey needs the talk." " So does Comet." "I think the two of you should try putting yourselves in the other person's shoes." "Or paws." "[LAUGHS]" "This is very simple." "Friends deserve a fair hearing and valuables should always be kept out of reach." "So, Stephanie, next time Comet has an idea, you have to hear him out." "And if you just leave your advertising laying around there's a good chance Joey's gonna chew it up." "You guys understand?" "I'm sorry, I'm a little confused." "This is my first double lecture." "Mr. Bear is all better." "Mr. Bear." "You're okay!" "He was very brave." "The smile never left his face." "Deej, you saved his life." "You're the best big sister ever." "Hey, what about me?" "You were a very good nurse." "I give myself a lollipop." "I'll go find Comet and tell him I forgive him." "Then I'm gonna teach him the difference between food and friends." "Come on, Michelle, let's go write up her bill." " See how nice that worked out?" " Yeah." "Now if we could only stuff Joey, I'd be happy." "I can't believe that he said I'm bossy." "Danny, am I bossy?" "Well, Jess, you do like to get your own way." " What you saying?" " You're bossy." "Get out." "I'm sorry." "Don't" "I guess I am a little bossy, I don't know." "All right, that's it." "From now on, I'm not gonna be bossy." "Look at this, I'm bossing myself around." "What do I do?" "Jess, let me tell you a little story about a headstrong young boy named Danny." " He was bright as a new penny" " I'll figure this one out by myself." "Joey, can I see you upstairs, please?" "I didn't hear you knock." "You don't have a door." "Come upstairs, please." "Forget it, Jess." "I'm not coming upstairs just because you asked me to come upstairs." "All right, look you, I came upstairs to tell you that you can't tell me to come upstairs." "Joey, I'm sorry for being bossy, and I want you to forgive me." "Because you want me to forgive you, I should just forgive you, huh?" "Well, dream on." "Your comedy angle was a good idea." "Well, listen, sport, it was a good idea the first time I told you." "It was a good idea the second time I told you." "And it's still a good idea even though you think it's a good idea!" "There, you happy now?" "You got me yelling!" "I never yell, but now that I'm yelling, I'm starting to like it!" "Hi, Joey." "Stacey." "What are you doing here?" "Jesse called me and apologized and he asked me to come over and work things out." "He thinks we're good for each other." "So do I." "Thanks, Jess." "I don't want you guys to break up just because we had a problem." "Joey, I'm sorry for not listening to your ideas." "And I'm sorry for springing that "Guy Le Dome" bit on you." "Hey, they bought it." "You stuck to your guns, and it paid off." " I gotta admit, it felt great." " Well, you keep it up." "I want you to stand up for what you believe in." "From now on, I'm gonna start listening to you and be more open to compromise." "See, that's why we make a great team." "We bring out the best in each other." "Well, we do have a pretty cool combo platter going, don't we?" "[MIMICS SAMMY DAVIS JR.] Because you got that comedy thing grooving, man." "[MIMICS SAMMY DAVIS JR.] Hey, my man, I dig that music vibe." "Well, let me tell you, you are one fabulous cat." "And I ain't talking about Garfield, babe." " Give me a high five with a low back side." " Coming at you." "Right behind you." "[IN NORMAL VOICE] Joseph, go give her a kiss right now." "Jess, what did we just talk about?" "Don't" "Joey, listen to him this time." "[MIMICS SAMMY DAVIS JR.] Ay, Chihuahua, babe." "Oh, yeah." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH SDH]"